# Question about Spouse's lawyer



## OneManBand (Jan 2, 2013)

About a year ago my wife had an EA in which I am pretty sure more happened than I know. Since then I have been in false R. I have decided to file for divorce and have retained a lawyer.

I have had to borrow money to do this. When my wife gets served I am certain she will flip out because she doesn't have the money to pay a lawyer and will try to talk me into paying for her through her typical method of threats and intimidation. 

I have tried to get her to agree with terms for a co-divorce, but she always asks for more. I agreed to pay her deposit for a new apartment, pay all day care and child medical bills as well as take over the payment for her car and the larger of the credit cards. I thought I was being generous, but now she wants money for rent and food as well as furniture in her new place. I make about twice as much as she does.

I feel a bit guilty about not helping her with a lawyer because I don't want to come across as the bad guy who is trying to f- her over, which is I know what she will tell everyone. 

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest by talking about it here and to ask if anyone else wants to share their experience with attorney expenses during their divorce?

Thanks,


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Each and every state is different, in my state one lawyer cant do a co-divorce, they can only give advice and represent one person. They cant even answer a simple legal question for the other spouse. 

She can petition to court to have her attorney paid with marital funds and again it really depends on the state and the overall finances. She is entitled to legal representation and she could ask the state to assign legal help if no funds are available. 

If you make twice what she does she will most likely receive more than what you are offering and your lawyer should have already given you a pretty good idea of what that is. Legal fees are the great abyss in divorce. Until she talks to a lawyer she and get a good idea of what she may or may not get most of your discussions are going to be futile. 

Every lawyer is different with how they want to get paid, some want a huge retainer, some are realistic, some will put clients on the easy pay plan if they think there is going to be a large payout at the end. All depends.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

In my state attorney's only represent one person. My ex and I agreed on most of the terms of our separation agreement and I had my attorney draft it. I offered to pay for one hour's worth of time for an independent attorney consultation for him (and had that in the agreement). He refused. He wasn't working at the time but there was never a chance that I would pay support to him.

I put it in the agreement so if he objected to anything later on and tried to argue that he didn't have an attorney to explain the terms correctly I would be protected.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

You could both hire ONE mediator to resolve your case. That would save money all the way around.

Of course, if I were you, I would still hang onto my lawyer to look things over and make sure I'm getting a fair deal. Her getting her own lawyer is HER problem, not yours. Let her borrow money from a family member.

Welcome to the real world, wife.


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## OneManBand (Jan 2, 2013)

Thank you for the replies and advice.

My lawyer has given me some idea, but has basically said it could turn out very good or bad. Which has not given me a great amount of confidence to be honest.

We could try a mediator, but I know from my experience with my wife that she may agree with something and then ask for more later. That is what she has been doing for a long time. 

She is now very angry with me and is saying that we had agreed on everything and why are you doing this now? I would like everything to go as smoothly as possible, but I just want to be done with all of this as soon as I can. 

Also, I don't think the reality that I am really ending our marriage has sunk in with her. She still asks me to stop by the store to pick something up for her, for example. 

Anyway, maybe I have made the more expensive choice, but I guess it is a choice and I don't feel like I am waffling anymore.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As others have said, you can ask the court that her legal fees be paid out of marital assets. This holds in just about every state.

You talk about paying some child expenses but not child support. You will most likely have to pay child support. 

Your do not even mention assets. She’s most likely entitled to 50% of the assets accrued during your marriage.

If you both get attorneys, one of the first things that hers will most likely do it file for interim spousal support and child support. Basically you could end up having to give half or more of your income to her until the divorce is final. It can take months, even years, to settle a divorce. 

In some states you will have to pay spousal support for about half the period of the marriage.

To me, it sounds like you may be offering much less than she can get if you go through attorneys. And on top of that you will be pay yours and her attorneys since you earn twice what she does.

What sort of a retainer is your attorney asking? Multiply that by 2. That's just the starting point of what you will be paying in legal fees.

Other than the above general statements, it's hard to give much advice without knowing the state you live in.

What are your state laws about alimony, child support, and asset/debt division?


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