# Need some words of encouragement



## SmallRose (Jul 19, 2010)

So about a month ago I came on here and posted about how me and my husband are having marital issues, I'm still in love with him but he feels like he is no longer in love with me (it was sort of a long post, so can't explain much more)...We are working on things and have started going on more weekly dates and spending more time together. 
WELL...I being a female..I like to talk, I like to know what he's feeling and I want to know how his feelings are changing,etc...Him being a guy, wellll he doesn't like to talk, doesn't like to express his feelings, etc. So, when we first had our discussion a month ago, I told him that I didn't want him to tell me "I love you" if it wasn't true, I didn't want him to lie to me like that and have to make himself say something he didn't really mean, he said that was fair and that the next time he says it will be when he feels like he's "in love with me again". I dont know if that was a good suggestion on my part or not but it's been a month since he's said "I love you" and I know marriages dont get fixed over night or even in a month, so this is where i just need some words of encouragement. I'm feeling discouraged because he hasn't said it, even though I am fully aware of how long a marriage can take to mend. I really wish he would just update me and let me know if things are getting better for him. A couple of weeks ago he said that things are "a bit better" and he's very monotone so even though it was a positive thing, i can't see it very positively. 

So, I just need some encouragement to help me get through this time of waiting....just waiting for him to tell me he loves me. He's also not a very touchy-feely kinda guy so i dont ever really _feel loved_... I'm very sad all the time now and sitting around not being able to tell my husband i love him or him say it to me really hurts.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

In the past month has anything changed? Have you two actually worked on improving your marriage? If not, why expect him to actually say he loves you when he couldn't say it a month ago? Nothing has changed.

How about just sitting down with him and saying "A month ago I told you not to say you loved me unless you meant it. You haven't said it so I guess nothing has changed. Let's see a marriage counselor to see if we can get back on track."

if he doesn't want to go, go alone and let him know you are going to show you are serious about getting the marriage back on track.


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## Greentea (Aug 28, 2010)

To some guys, they just don't know or can't realize how lovely, precious,important their wifes are untill they face the reality of lossing them.

My kid is always better than other's kids
other's wifes are always better than mine.


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## SmallRose (Jul 19, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> In the past month has anything changed? Have you two actually worked on improving your marriage? If not, why expect him to actually say he loves you when he couldn't say it a month ago? Nothing has changed.
> 
> How about just sitting down with him and saying "A month ago I told you not to say you loved me unless you meant it. You haven't said it so I guess nothing has changed. Let's see a marriage counselor to see if we can get back on track."
> 
> if he doesn't want to go, go alone and let him know you are going to show you are serious about getting the marriage back on track.


The past month a lot has changed, we went from NEVER spending any of our time together (he would literally go in the office and spend all night in there until bed time) to actually spending our nights in each other's company, now the only time he spends in his office is when he works out. We go out on dates together when we haven't done that for years. So some things like that have changed but it hasn't changed to the point where i expect him to say "I love you".

If I bring up our issues and try to "check in" on how he's feeling, he responds with "things are good" or something like that and then says that he doesn't want me quizzing him about his feelings. So I avoid even bringing it up to him but it just kills me not knowing _anything_, you know? I would love an update on his feelings so that I can feel more encouraged about waiting...just waiting in limbo really sucks. I feel like the ball is in his court and I pretty much just have to wait for him. 

I just needed some encouragement while i wait, it's hard not to feel discouraged about the whole situation.


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## heatherlindsay (Sep 1, 2010)

Why would he be irritated every time you ask him about his feelings. This is something normal to express yourself. It sounds like he doesn't know how to answer your questions. Not a good sign.
Are you having sex with him? if yes then DONT
I don't think he loves you , but he may be afraid of being alone or the thought of not having someone after you have been with that person makes it hard get used to the way it was before the relationship. Just move on and see how quick he runs after you, if he barely does anything to save your relationship then let go...


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

There's nothing wrong with asking him where he's at with things every now and then. I don't think you're unreasonable to ask every couple of weeks. I wouldn't make it a big deal, don't press for tons of details, but just ask him, "We've been working on things, and I feel like there's been some improvement. How do you feel about this? What else do you think we need to work on? Is there anything else I can do or you can do to help you feel better about us?" 

I know my boyfriend and I had some problems for a while. He never wanted to talk about his feelings because he felt it was rubbing my face in our problems to tell me that he was still somewhat unhappy. I had to explain to him that yes, it will hurt me some to hear that you're not happy yet, but it will hurt me more to be trying to figure out if you're happy or to think that you are and later find out you weren't. Better to be a little hurt knowing he's not happy and be able to try to fix it than to be really hurt because you invest a ton of time and effort only to find out he's been miserable all along and wants out.


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