# the terrible two's of marriage...



## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

did anyone else experience this? i had a coworker describe this to me.. but her description was a little different. she said "i felt too young for all that".. i dont feel that way.. i just wish we got along better. 

does anyone have any advice? i'd like to get things back on track and feel the way i felt the first 2 years of marriage, but this third year is killing me. we're drifting apart for sure. no kids to use as an excuse to stay together.. it's just us. any suggestions are appreciated!


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## amillionpieces85 (Jul 23, 2011)

I'm on the same boat ...


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

If either of you want any hope of saving your marriages, I recommend counseling right away.

Nando, I can't really tell what you mean when you say "i just wish we got along better". Did you get along better before this? Has something changed? New job? More responsibilities?


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

Toffer said:


> If either of you want any hope of saving your marriages, I recommend counseling right away.
> 
> Nando, I can't really tell what you mean when you say "i just wish we got along better". Did you get along better before this? Has something changed? New job? More responsibilities?


Something has denfinitly changed... but i cant put my finger on exactly what it is... whatever it is... its not up for discussion... ive asked whats up... tiredness is the only excuse i get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Toffer said:


> If either of you want any hope of saving your marriages, I recommend counseling right away.
> 
> Nando, I can't really tell what you mean when you say "i just wish we got along better". Did you get along better before this? Has something changed? New job? More responsibilities?












This! This!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

No, this is not normal. Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. The fact is, something is definitely going on and now's your chance to try and fix it. Do not ignore this. The fact that he won't communicate with you makes me nervous there might be someone else. I also recommend counseling right away. It's your only chance as marriage DOES NOT get easier with time. It gets harder. 

Good luck.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

They are all bumps in the road. Wait until the rebellious teen years, this is when a mid-life crisis can make one spouse turn on the other and blame them for all their unhappiness. 

It only takes one to keep it together and be the example. The other will usually follow-suit.

Patience is always the key. Seeing the forest through the trees.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Our first 7 years were awful. We sought MC (wish I'd done it sooner) to fix our marriage. No it's not normal and our problem stemmed from my childhood abuse. Its been a long road to fix but we are happy now.


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

At least you are not ignoring it and accepting it as normal. That is a great sign that you can work on it and make things better!!!:smthumbup:


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Do not get pregnant until you feel the problem(s) have been resolved.

make an appointment for m.c. and tell him. If he does not want to go, go yourself. If he refuses to address your concerns, consider if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that--"tiredness" is not an explanation, it's an excuse. we are all tired a lot, but that does not stop communication and having a conversation when your wife says she's not comfortable with the changes that have crept into your life as a couple and she wants to know what the two of you are doing to fix it.

Imagine if he really IS just tired--oh, ok. NOT. something is missing from the relationship b/c he is tired, so the two of you need to find a solution so he isn't so tired all the time. Maybe he needs to work less, and the two of you agree to spend less or you (the wife) will work more to compensate for the lost income if he reduces his hours. That's just an example, but the point is, there are solutions to almost every problem if he would just talk to you about it. Since he won't, you have a second, more serious issue: lack of communication.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

nandosbella said:


> Something has denfinitly changed... but i cant put my finger on exactly what it is... whatever it is... its not up for discussion... ive asked whats up... tiredness is the only excuse i get.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Two things to consider:

1. You seem to dismiss his excuse that he is tired. Why? Any reasons that he could be tired and what could you do (as a team) to fix them? Also, consider getting him to a doctor for a physical.

2. If you can't put your finger on it, why should he be able to? He may feel it as well, but not know what it is. Feelings can be diffiuclt for men to talk about, particulary when the don't make sense to us. I know I don't naturally talk about them, and when they are confused, I really don't want to discuss them. Be sure to make it safe for him to talk about that, particularly if what he feels may hurt you.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

My husband and I went through a short spell at the three year mark. I was distant for many reasons and he was going through a bit of depression. He was 21 years old, all his friends were single and he was tied down. I got insecure and went through his phone. He had a message from a female co workers containing a half naked picture of some model. It was a joke ( confirmed by his best friend, who was this woman's work partner) and I over reacted. I started making accusations, and that made things worse. 

My husband is a very good looking man, who attracts a lot of flirty women, and he lacks the ability to stand up and say enough. I reacted poorly and we drifted further. I am far below my husband, physically, aestheticly and confidence wise. A lot of women feel they can take him from me, I sense it, and I felt threatened. If I had just trusted him, it wouldn't have been an issue but a few women he works with, fed off of my insecure attitude. They harassed me via Facebook to try tu destroy our marriage, but we worked it out. We realized that this relationship was ours, and we weren't going to let a little bought of child like behavior ruin this, and what we had was too special. We do joke about our terrible two now that those few long weeks are over, and our marriage couldn't be better.

Things happen, we aren't perfect neither are our marriages, but we cannot pretend it will get better by itself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

thanks for all your advice everyone! i really do appreciate it. 

i have suggested therapy... he's said "yeah, ok".. but he's just telling me what i want to hear. and to be honest.. im not convinced therapy would be helpful. i havent really had good experiences. and even in these modern days where we have tools like therapy to help us on our relationships.. the divorce rates are higher than ever. so i dunno. 

there is no infidelity. at all. 

communication definitely needs work. but it easily turns into arguing. 

i dont accept "tiredness" as an excuse because there is no change in his schedule. it's the same work load he's had since october. i've encouraged him to work less, but he loves overtime and has a company that doesnt mind paying it. i'm working my max.. about 18 hours a week more than i'm used to because our finances are separated. the housework is suffering, and he's no help. but as long as he's not complaining it's not a huge issue. 

he's due home soon, i'm guessing. not sure on any details. i'm debating on how to behave. he was trying to be mushy with me, but i just felt like he dumps me and picks me up whenever it's convenient for him.. and well. that's just not fair to me. i didnt reply.. couldnt think of anything to say. well, anything nice to say anyway. 

i thought absence made the heart grow fonder, arrrg...


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

Breakthrough!!!! 

so we talked after he got home, and i've had a revelation.. my husband flat out told me that i am extremely dominant in the relationship. he said that for the past 2 months.. (we took a little break and separated our finances) have been hard on him because i've been acting extremely dominant. he and i both admit that the best time in our marriage was a period of time where i was terminated from a job. i treated him like a king. messages... food.. sex... everything. but i felt if i wasnt working at work, i'd work on him because he's working for us (if that makes sense). we never fought. but since i've declared part of what was ours as my own.. he said he's felt like i act like i dont need him anymore. and if there's one thing i've learned NEVER EVER EVER make a man feel useless. 

so everyone.. please learn from me. i went crazy with my independent attitude and i didnt even realize it until my hubs drew it out for me. now i get it.. i feel like i have a key to the treasure chest!!! i'm so motivated to try and help everything get better. adjusting the dynamic so my hubs feels like he's the provider and the hunter. the best part... i get to cut back on my hours at work!!!!!!!!! so thank you guys for everything! and amillionpieces... i hope you find out whatever's triggering your terrible twos...


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

This is like right out of the playbook from MMSL. Captian and First Officer roles. Makes for a good marriage.

Congrats on the revelation and best wishes to you both.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

BTW... the tiredness thing hit a cord with me. This very hot summer (assuming it is where you are too) has really drained many of us and I have felt very tired even with some good sleep. 

Whether or not if he is tired from the heat, when tired I find I have a harder time with relationships. Good luck!


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

yeah, i accepted the heat thing affecting his energy level.. but it was an excuse used for EVERYTHING... regardless of the days activities or sleeping habits. a whole weekend of nothing to do with 14 hours of sleep a night. i aint buying it. but it happens to me too, and i accepted that excuse for a while. anyway.. i dunno about you, but i'm looking forward to AUTUMN! 

thanks for the input, this is me!!


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