# Anabolic Steroid Abuse and my failing 10 yr marriage



## strongmom

married nearly 10 years, 2 kids. he's been cycling off and on for years. you look at him and "know". 
i am emotionally abused, a few instances of physical. i was granted an emergency order of protection when he hit me. i dropped it after he moved out. we are in counseling. hes had an affair all year long. he's delusional, roid rages, loud, a compulsive liar, i want to forgive for the affair and work on the marraige but he keeps lying. i'm christian and want to get past the resentment but how do i accomplish this when he lies daily. i filed divorce. i dont believe in it. hes very controlling with money so i took him to court for temporary orders. he refuses to hire an attorney. but he wont stop the affair. he finally said he ended the affait but it is obvious that she ended it.
when a person becomes a threat to themselves or others you can have them committed. does anabolic steroid abuse count?
his complaint is that i am naggy. yes i nag a lot about the affair, the lies, the sterioids.
i called the police to make a report when he punched my car. that was followed up with CPS checking on our kids. I just dont know how to get out of this place i am stuck in. im praying and praying. we are in counseling and he will never admit he has a problem. Im faithful in God but have reservations about divorce. I believe my husband is ill and suffering psychologically. Advice?


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## Jamison

I am christian as well and I DO believe in divorce. I do not believe God wants people to be unhappy and in toxic unhealthy situations, and suffer from emotional and physical abuse. I do believe HE wants people to try and at least work on things and not give up so easily. However there comes a time when after you have done all you know to do, and if the other partner isn't willing to work on the marriage too, then someone needs to make a decision. 

IMO, as long as you stay, and if your husband continues on, which I think he will, then expect CPS to make more frequent visits. YOU will then be in question at some point for remaining in an abusive situation with kids. I'm sure you wouldn't want your kids removed from you because you chose to stay. Its something to think about for sure.


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## strongmom

Jamison said:


> IMO, as long as you stay, and if your husband continues on, which I think he will, then expect CPS to make more frequent visits. YOU will then be in question at some point for remaining in an abusive situation with kids. I'm sure you wouldn't want your kids removed from you because you chose to stay. Its something to think about for sure.



right now we are separated so we arent in the same household. He's never show aggression with just the boys only when he and i argue but my divorce attorney (doesnt know about steroid use) already said its not best for the kids to be with him more than every other weekend. I will do what it takes to protect my sons, even the backlash of his family. I hired a new attorney and plan to change temporary orders so he will be getting served soon. I'm bringing this up tuesday in our marraige counseling and if he cant even see that this is a problem i will proceed with the new orders of custody. TY!


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## swade87

Oh my goodness.. I am so sorry. I don't have much in the way of advice. But when I was younger, I dated someone who sounds very similar. Things never got too bad, as we were both young and I eventually gained the strength to leave after a handful of instances where he'd come home raging. Good thing I did. About 4 or 5 years later, he was arrested and served time for beating his then girlfriend to a pulp.  Please.. get out of this relationship!


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## strongmom

TY Swade87 I am going to keep my appointment tuesday with the counselor and bring it up alone, without husband there. I will go ahead and submit new papers to the court to take the kids, probably 100%, my attorney doesnt know about his steroid use. but she does know of him hitting me. my heart breaks for him but i have got to move past this and take care of my children. im confident i can provide better alone that we can trying to force it to work. i dont want them raised to be like him


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## CEL

Well you are doing the right thing. Stay separated and keep that order in place. If he has been physically violent even once then the chances are he will again. My guess is not that you have been separated he has upped his dose of Test. If he has done it for years then his psychological pattern will be tied very closely to what the drugs tell him to feel. A lot like and alcoholic they feel normal when they are drunk he feels normal when he is on gear. So the quick to anger, the mood swings the anger fueled quick to fight all that is normal for him now. And to be honest that is not only normal for him it is how he WANTS to feel. He likes feeling that way powerful, indestructible, without concern for others as if his emotions are so much more intense and there is no problem he cannot fix without the proper application of force. It is not just how his body looks it is how he feels the powerful in control feeling.

Let me get somethings out there

1. He won't stop. Does not matter what you do he will not stop. Once you start this kind of lifestyle the only things that stop you are major health problems or financial bankruptcy. And even then many just switch to dealing to make the difference.

2. Don't fool yourself thinking that him off the gear is the real him. It is not the one on the gear is who he really is it is the person he wants to be. It is the he that he dreams of being. Take away the mask of him sober and that is the personality underneath.

3. If he is already so deep into it that he can get physically violent with you then you need to REALLY be careful. That is when they are capable of anything. Don't take a chance on your life. Don't believe him that he has it under control or that he will stop.

4. Keep moving forward but get into IC for just yourself. That you stayed with this guy means you need some help to work through some issues. I love my IC and the crap she helps me get through is amazing.

5. Talk to your friends have you ever been honest with him about the abuse?


So let me put this in here I know many who do use gear and you cannot even tell they are on it. They seem nice and generous people almost no change in temper. This is the norm for roid use actually however there are those that either cannot handle it, are taking too much or are just taking the wrong combinations. Either way they are dangerous scary people and need to be handled with care as they can and will hurt or kill others.


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## strongmom

is this something you can have someone involuntarily committed for or court ordered therapy?
and its not the injection that hes after, its everything that give. more confidence, more attention, a feeling of control,power, thinking he is invincible. he has money on top of all this so his ego is the size of texas.


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## CEL

Only if you can prove they are a danger to you or themselves. You have enough for the order of protection but not for commitment.


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## Yolandi

I'd be naggy to if I were you. He apparently has given you much to complain about. 

I hope you stay safe and away from him! 

Don't ever fool yourself into thinking that you are doing the right thing by trying to keep the marriage together. He will be a horrific role model for your sons. 

Have you spoken with your Pastor about this?


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## strongmom

Yolandi said:


> Have you spoken with your Pastor about this?


I'm somewhat afraid to reveal it, I am almost to that point but the past few days have been much better. He says he has backed off and the OW is out of picture. hopes are not high, i have been here before


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## strongmom

CEL great advice thank you!! one thing I know is they are not addicted to the way it makes them feel its from the growth, invincible feeling, attention etc


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