# How should I handle this?



## trying4forever (Jul 8, 2011)

So me and the hubby are still not talking. I've made attempts and asked him to talk it out and he hasn't responded. him telling me he deletes txt and calls to save face is really making me nuts. If his txt are work related why the sneakiness. I don't ever go through his phone so why be so cautious if he isn't hiding anything? I want to work through this because he goes on deployment soon but he seems to not care what so ever about talking this out or making up. I have not accused him of anything other than it looking shady and making me uncomfortable him being sneaky. He has an attitude and is blaming me for messing up the few weeks we have left before he leaves but this could have been put behind us with a talk a week ago. I feel like he doesn't know what to say to make it not sound shady so he is trying to shift blame. I think he should be trying to fix this. I told him I'm not mad but now I'm worried. I feel stupid because he is the one acting inappropriate but I'm the one feeling him out trying to get passed this like always. He messes up and I have to always break the ice and keep my feelings in check to makeup and he never apologizes. Should I just be the bigger person as usual and continue to approach him to talk it out or should I wait for him? Or should I not give a F any more?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You might want to try waiting. Often people get stuck in a pattern. Yours is you always coming to fix things. You keep coming back. 

Give him space and distance and wait for him. Go out with friends for fun or something else and see what his next move is. 

You might want to say that you want to talk or just leave it be and let him bring it up next. 

Otherwise, the phone stuff is bad. There is no reason to delete txt msgs. Ask him not to or figure out through phone records what he is doing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

trying4forever said:


> He messes up and I have to always break the ice and keep my feelings in check to makeup and he never apologizes


STOP doing this. 



trying4forever said:


> Should I just be the bigger person as usual and continue to approach him to talk it out or should I wait for him? Or should I not give a F any more?


Talk to him. Why would you keep sweeping something that is bothering you under the rug.

I was in a relationship like yours. He would neve rsay sorry and I always felt I had to break the ice in order to put us on top again. Well I got tired of it. Got tired of beign the one to always try to keep us cool and eventually I started to resent him and the rest is history. 

You deserve to be treated well and as an equal. If he won't work with you, he's working against you.

Are you separated? What's the deal?


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## trying4forever (Jul 8, 2011)

we're still together he is trying to act like nothing happened. I'm playing along because Im just trying to keep my sanity but I'm not over this and talking gets us no where so I don't think I'll ever be over it. He will never admit he's wrong and I'm just over it! I'm just not in love with him anymore and it sucks and hurts me to say that. I'm tired and I do resent him. Before It was so easy to let things go and believe him and now I don't know if I can. I do love him and want to be with him but I'm not in love with him and I don't know if I will ever feel how I felt when I don't really trust him. I'm trying to hold it together and be positive but with him deploying I only see things getting worst. I don't want to worry about him being gone not for him but for me. I don't want to drive myself crazy. Somethings gotta give because I'm tired of feeling this way. What next?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I see no sanity for playing along.

I have no advice about this though, sorry


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Get in mc now. 

My mc story is in my profile. I finally think I "get it", but its been nearly two years of mc. It has been brutally hard at times, but really good at times when things start going well again for a while and you reconnect like you haven't for a long time. 

It will take you both 100% committed to the process and eachother even when it hurts and is overwhelming.

Best of luck and God bless
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xArielle (Aug 2, 2011)

I've just been through something very similar to this. My H even went to MC with me but he was just bs'ing his way through it. I let him keep me confused for a long time.

Do you want to know what's going on, or do you just want things to change? Do you need to know what's going on in order to know whether to make changes? 

Does he call you crazy or paranoid? Does he resent you for the "drama" you're creating? Does he resent intrusions on his "privacy"? Those can be signs he's cheating.

If you just want things to change, do the 180 that is often suggested through this forum and disengage emotionally from him. 

If you aren't sure, start going through his phone. Look at his phone bill if you can. Find out who he's texting. Do whatever you need to do to get to the bottom of it. Hire a PI, install a keystroke logger, whatever. I am not a snooper by nature either but when your instincts tell you something isn't right, listen and act to protect yourself.


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