# Rx for Divorce



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

The timeline is almost to the "T". 
When all of these strange behaviors, lack of accountability, lack of willingness to even consider it might be a reason began.
The inherent fix into facebook wasnt all that bad at first, it was games, Farmville, CafeWorld, CityVille. 
Sure we had some issues with $, common ordinary spending habit issues. Intimacy issues, affection issues, all easily understood and reasonably could be handled with counseling.
A childs upbringing in a non-affectionate home passes onto marriages.
A childs witness of uncontrolled spending carries forward into adulthood. We all know these things.
But the month when her grandma, and one of her aunts passed away, brought about a deep sense of mortality. Reaching the big 40 oh so closely. It all seemed to perpetuate the smaller not-so-minor issues. "Then" they became more apparent and more of a problem. 
And then the panic attacks began to happen. A short trip to the doctor and Xanax was prescribed.
Each issue in itself became aggravated, and increasing. The spending habits flew through the roof, the EA began with some old BF from highschool never even spoken to. The depression set in, for both of us. I in response to her, and her in response to what was happening in her life.
I was there the whole time. I was available, I would ask, and ask again if there was anything I could do to help, anything she needed to talk about, anything at all.
By that time, I was however unknown to me, PART of the problem.
Three weeks on Xanax for her anxiety and panic attacks, and there I was, Mr. Part-of-the-Problem.
Then two months into it, and I was the SOLE problem.
Her friends were around us the whole time, knew me and knew us inside and out. Now, none of them talk to me at all. None of them are there to help, her or us. They have heard evidently a one sided story. 
I somehow made her miserable. Kept her trapped. Kept her under my complete control!!!
So she found another man and got close to him, and after finding this out, I still see not the slightest shred of remorse or responsibility for any of it coming from her. It is now all about how "I" just wont forgive her for it.
It is now how "I" have somehow been the problem all along.
She is now attempting to consolidate her eighteenthousandollars worth of credit card debt. Going online to look at some of the reviews of the consolidation company, revealed a multitude of complaints against them. To her, something needed to be done NOW, as she has NO money, and how DARE I not support her wholeheartedly without hesitation.
Ive never seen the eyes of such disgust and resentment from her as I see now. 
Ive never witnessed someone so randomly and carelessly destroy, and jeapoardize every aspect of our lives, and then, speak as if it had always been so horrible.
Something is not right with her. But this is the sixth time I have heard her say to me, that she is not feeling it, that she just doesnt know why, but wants me out. Feeling like she is walking on eggshells, feeling like I hold her accountable for her pursuit of all things anti-marriage, anti-future, anti-stable financially. 
Not an hour has passed, since she last uttered the words, we cant go on like this to me, and she is laughing every thirty seconds at some movie on television. It is not that funny, even a comedy is not that funny. Something has cracked inside of her. 
I can count the days back to when these behaviors all began. It was as if merely days since she began her regimen of xanax, that these things all began.
I went online, and see people say, that it has saved their marriages. that it has given them peace, and relaxation!
It has turned my wife into someone I do not know anymore, someone who a year ago, would have been repulsed at the thought of some of the actions she has taken since.
It is not a scapegoat I seek. The counselor we went to did not have but a few moments to speak between her crying, and her angry outbursts in complete rebuttal of each issue I showed concern about. 
Now her life is centered around her girlfriends, partying, concerts, clubs. Nothing in our life between us is remotely considered of any value to her anymore. 
And I await the response from a lawyer, to call me back and begin the process. She wants me to go away. "I have to live with the choices I make, good or bad", she says.
Well honey, so do I, and so does our daughter, and so does everyone we have ever gotten close to.
This was a prescription for the end.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear this happened.

She wants out, let her go.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

F man. Sorry to here this. Hang in there.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

For someone like your wife, Facebook is a drug she can't kick. Facebook destroys a lot of marriages in that it is so easily available, so accessible....for those with even a slight notion that they are not happy, after an argument or disagreement, Facebook is there and so are the ex-boyfriends - just a message away. Now I am not saying that it is the root cause, but it will exacerbate greatly even a minor problem. What harm could it be to spill my guts to my ex on Facebook? 

Be wary of its power to destroy relationships.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

****, man, I'm sorry. This is so bad.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

She does want out, or more notedly, wants ME out.
I know Ive posted a lot of these issues here on TAM, but just this hour was able to put 2 and 2 together in terms of whether or not her Rx has seriously messed her up. I could ask myself "Well, does that mean shes not responsible for her actions and theres the culprit?"
But then I realize that so much has happened, that I am not sure IF theres any room to get her off of it, if she would even consider that a possibility, and if I myself, could overcome the things that have happened since then.

We cosigned on a house that neither of us can afford alone, and we have a child too who considers that the only home she knows. I invited my wifes mother to live with us for the 2nd time in our sixteen years together, because she fell on hard times and had no where to go. Now she facilitates watching my daugher while mommy is out with the girls, drinking for free from other men buying those drinks, and I get to try to compete with grandma in time with my daughter, while the weight of what my wife is out doing weighs on me. Her mother and my wife could probably afford the house together. Both work. But then comes the issue of my daughter. Is that a good place for her to be? My wifes mother refuses to get involved, only says that her daughter has a problem and we should go to counseling. Well, we tried that. It burnt me, and only got me resented further for expressing things I saw as problems between us. Saying those things, coupled with my wifes total lack of responsibility or acknowledgement of it, brought about the "dont think I will ever get past my lack of feelings" statement. I havent left the house, until a court orders it if they do. Ive seen "the List" and it seems like its for someone trying to completely ruin another person, not just settle things and move on.

It seems like if all of this was someone doing this to me in their right mind, uncorrupted by a Rx, I would have no problem swiftly and completely running her out of the picture by whatever means legally necessary.

This whole Rx situation though, gives me pause, (maybe it just gives me an excuse to chickenout and eat crumbs.)

Can I ever go back? Even if she stopped the Rx and got her mind right? 
I dont want to uproot my daughter in all of this, fight forever in courts, but at some points in the week,,, I do. I thought we would surely be able to agree on things during a mediation type of divorce. But now I am not so sure. Darned lawyer wont call me back, maybe I need to find another. 
Sometimes anxiety and panic are necessary, to stop you from FKING your whole life up and the life of everyone else you are close to.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Why would you want to go back after the way she treats you. That is why she does what she does- She know she gets to you, dude. Buck-up and start saving some face. Clearly, its over. You need to take care of you. I wouldn't be able to put-up with her antics either. Either I go, or she goes.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

Xanax, along with all the other benzodiazapines, affects everyone differently. However, a lot of people end up very angry when on this medication. Like I said, not everyone, but a lot of people. Sometimes it takes a lot of Xanax to make them angry, sometimes only a little bit. I work in drug and alcohol, and this is a very common occurrence. Whether its someone with an addiction to that sort of thing, or if its someone taking it legitimately, there is still that common phenomenon there.

I'm not saying this to excuse your wife's behaviour. Not at all. I just thought maybe it might be a factor that is increasing her anger level out of proportion to the actual situation at hand. It would not cause her to do all these things, she did that of her own accord. It may be possible that it is the reason she is so difficult to deal with, while you are trying to resolve this situation.


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