# Best dream last night



## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I had a few dreams about stbx when we first broke up. I woke up very sad.

WELL I had a great dream last night. stbx and I were fighting and he was making me miserable like he always did. I finally woke up with that THANK GOD I'M AWAKE feeling. Man, did that drive home all the things that were wrong with our marriage. Controlling behavior, condescending crap and just plain mean.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

_"Controlling behavior, condescending crap and just plain mean."....staircase_

Sounds like mine but she doesn't see it; it's hopeless for her. Hope whoever she with next has a cast iron heart!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

GOD how do people know when you're moving on?? About five minutes after I made this post I got an email entitled "just checking in" with how are you crap.

I'm ok. what else am I going to say to you??


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

hey, it is what you called and flippant attitude with mine. One day, helping me put a bandaid on my elbow that I cut working on the kitchen cabinets (Friday night) and today day calling me a weak man with a deadbeat family (this morning) - and my family is very loving, they are just hurt right now.

I don't know how you deal the emotional roller coaster that this is. I just don't! I suppose you have to lose all feelings for him; and I mean really just let it all go - At this juncture, I don't see how that is possible for me as I still care about her. I have to learn to let that go. I am thinking about going back to IC to see if I can get any useful information on how to achieve emotional freedom. I dunno.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I can't believe she says those things to you! that's just mean and spiteful and juvenile.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

staircase... I too have been having good dreams, and some of them are very intense which I think is a sign of my testosterone coming back, lol. Aside from the loneliness and craving for affection everything else in life just seems so much more worthwhile right now, being separated is a weight off my chest. I'm a little concerned about the finances, but there is nothing I'm going to do about it today I'll cross that bridge when I get there - as I've been doing and it feels good to know I'm doing things right in life. Anytime wife is around I instantly start having doubts and I know that is not healthy for me at all, gotta have people that inspire me in my life not those who stifle me.

As to his checking in query, did you reply? I wouldn't, at least not today, maybe tomorrow or the day after if you have nothing better to spend 10 minutes of your time doing.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

staircase said:


> I can't believe she says those things to you! that's just mean and spiteful and juvenile.


Yes, and it cut to the core. I need to push getting a new place for me or I will go insane. She is so past loving me know that she is slinging mud around in my face. I have every right to lose respect for her but I am not going to be like her - that is the reason she calls me weak. My genuine care and love, and respect for other people is my weakness according to her; sorry but I was raised that way. I can be a very cruel person if I chose to but it would take a LOT to get me there. She might poke the bear one to many times!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Yes, and it cut to the core. I need to push getting a new place for me or I will go insane. She is so past loving me know that she is slinging mud around in my face. I have every right to lose respect for her but I am not going to be like her - that is the reason she calls me weak. My genuine care and love, and respect for other people is my weakness according to her; sorry but I was raised that way. I can be a very cruel person if I chose to but it would take a LOT to get me there. She might poke the bear one to many times!


I admire your strength and integrity thoughout all this BL, I know how deep it hurts and after 36 years know it must be so unnerving, daunting, scary and unfuriating. I often think of you and your attitude and bravery as I face my own problems, not that your a mentor but that it seems so right for us to remain true to our own values instead of succumbing to the dark side - we are trying to take the high road because we have figured out through either experience or more so in our case observation, that the low road always disappoints, our spouses do not have that kind of wisdom. Stay strong, but don't try too hard just be you because you are doing everything you can, we are human and you and I are both being the best men we know how to be.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Lon said:


> As to his checking in query, did you reply? I wouldn't, at least not today, maybe tomorrow or the day after if you have nothing better to spend 10 minutes of your time doing.


I don't want it to seem like I'm playing games, however I don't want to engage in conversation either. Basically I just said "I'm fine, thanks" and answered this other benign question he had with a short sentence. I think it was ok.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yeah, that's a good way to go about it. Last night I found out my wife is planning to have OM visit here in town when I'm taking my son for a vacation, and I realized we haven't really set any ground rules regarding our son meeting other people... we had an understanding and were both on the same page, but I ended up initiating a text conversation to make sure we both knew it was explicit agreement... it was a length conversation but was just business I guess.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon, thanks so much for your words of encouragement. You and I are a lot alike in that respect. And you are absolutely right that taking the high road is always the best option. One of the advantages I see about that, and there are many, is that I am inclined to believe that it has the potential to attract a more caring and understanding mate. I know that I for one will try to mind the idiosynchrosies and little nuances that a potential mate might have so I will try to date her for a while before anythinh serious. If I detect a note of rudeness, or unethical treatment of another fellow human being, that might raise a flag for me. I know everyone has bad days so I will not be judgental on one occurrance of negative behavior (depeding on the situation), but if I start seeing a pattern of anything remotely resembly my stbxw, it's time to bail out of that relationship.

stair, your responses are definitely OK. You are answering the questions respectfully, directly and without any insinuation of wanting to conitinue a relationship with him. As long as you keep it civil like this, there is nothing wrong with this in my opinion. I am now getting the short answers but very dry. No thank yous, no nothing just answers like, "Not interested." Very cold. I guess I am just still having difficulty adjusting to seeing and treating her like a stranger. I can hardly wait to see her at home this evening. That should be fun.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

BTW, went to look around some loft apartments downtown today at lunch. Got some smiles from a couple of the tenants; made me feel a little better. I need that moral booster (and that is how simple it was to get me feeling better) because my stbxw is starting to actually make me feel worthless. I don't like drama and now I am in the middle of a F'n Greek tragedy!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

so i had another dream about stbx. this was totally different but i still woke up thinking "thank god this isn't my reality."

I think my mind is shielding me this week-I go to sign the final divorce papers today. I think after that my lawyer just brings them to the courthouse and instant divorce.


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