# just separated...what do i do next??



## ptp (Apr 29, 2011)

Another statistic here

My wife of 12 years just moved out Monday. We've been together 19 years. I am 43 and she is 39. No kids, good jobs, no money problems, no booze or gambling.

Here it is..my wife moved out after about 6-8 months of being obviously disconnected. We have hectic lives and dropped the ball on intimacy but in the last 6 months we had sex 3 or 4 times, and only while out of town on vacation. Over the years its never been off the charts, except in the early young years...but last 15...less than average, mutually it seemed.

She went on holiday with her sisters in November, met one of the staff at the place and was infatuated (she told me this recently, but i knew something had happened)...we ended up going back to this same resort 2 more times as a couple and i saw her interaction with the staff person. She is very friendly and outgoing normally but i noticed this was a bit over the top.

Fast forward....i asked her what was going on and initially she said nothing happened. We talked in March about why our marriage was suffering and we talked about fixing it but never really did get serious, i thought it was a bump in the road.....she came back from out of town over Easter and said it was over she was done, no counseling she had made her decision.

I emailed and text her and finally got some answers, she said that during her November trip she became attracted to this guy, and really interested in him...they talked and flirted but he was married and would not cheat on his wife....she said she probably would have or was thinking about it....and that was a sign to her that she should not be married anymore.

she initially refused counseling and she is not a good communicator. very difficult to get her to open up, but not mean or angry. 

My question is how do i approach this?...she said she would go to her own counseling and she would go to counseling for me to get over this....but that she didn't think it would change anything. We have drifted apart, she wants to be single and alone and just move on.

when do you give up??


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

There isn't an answer to when to give up.

She might realize that this mistake years from now. She might not realize it ever.

I would do counseling together and see where it goes. Either it repairs what she can't find now or you get at least some closure.

Best of luck.


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