# Confused and need advice



## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

Hey everyone, I am new here and in desperate need for advice. I really appreciate any advice you have, even if it isn't what I want to hear.

So my wife and I have been married for a year now, about 4 months ago we started going through a big rut. She says that I have been mean to her and not treated her well. Which at the time I didn't see it but looking back on it now, I do see it. I never knew I was that bad to her or else I would have made changed from the start. Once she told me how hurt she's been, I immediately got myself into counseling and totally stopped drinking. I have made huge progress but it isn't an overnight process. Things got better for about a month, and a week ago while I was out of town she signed for a year lease on an apt and is moving out in November. Totally broke my heart. Most of it is my fault and I realize this but I am just a human being who makes mistakes and deserves to be forgiven. She says she just can't forgive me and will never look at me the same. I have tried extremely hard to get her into counseling.. Even if not couples, then for herself. I 100% believe it would help us.

She tells me she is in love with me and doesn't want to move out but she is so hurt by me. I have never cheated on her or hit her or called her names. Actually one time, I called her a ****. It was wrong of me but I was seeing red. I had deployed to Afghanistan in the past and had/have anger issues, hence why I am in therapy. I notice a huge change in myself and she does too but she says she can't forgive me. She cries when she talks about moving out. She says things like "Maybe in the future we can work it out".

The confusing part is that she acts like we are married still; she wants me to cuddle with her, she laid in bed and watched tv with me all day yesterday. She asked if I wanted to go out to dinner, she flirts with me... And she was looking at her work schedule to pick up extra shifts (nurse), I didn't say anything so she asked me what my opinion was so I said "you know I want you off on the weekends" so she said ok, I wont pick up any weekend shifts! 

I have no idea what to think. Before she actually got the apartment, I was feeling so not important to her and like she put work in front of me, so I was talking about seperarting as well. She is the way she is to me, more distant because of the way I have hurt her in the past. I really really don't want her to go. I can't eat, sleep, I cry. I am beyond heartbroken over this. I am so in love with her and want her to stay.

At this point, I think I should just cut her off, as in no texting her, or hanging out with her.. It is so hard for me to do! She doesn't want to move out but she thinks she will never forgive me. She still really loves me, I can tell when she is around me... and she says she's still in love with me... So I don't know. 

There is definitely no physical affair going on cause she is always at work or home.. I guess she could be having an emotional affair but she really isn't sketchy acting with her phone. Or I could just be in denial. 

Please, any advice helps. Thank you.


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## strongsad (Mar 2, 2013)

Sorry to hear your situation :/ sounds like she may be over reacting a bit depending on what you did to 'hurt' her, but it does not make much sense to me why she is still flirting with you and keeping you so involved in her own life when she says she cannot look at you the same ever again. Have you directly asked her if she is seeing/talking to another person?


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

Yes. I have asked her numerous times but she just gets mad because I have asked her so many time. We share a cell phone plan so I have gotten on to see the numbers she texts and it's all the usual numbers.. Family.. Friends. Maybe she is and I am just in bad denial.

She cries at the thought of being without me and says that she doesn't want to go but she can't forgive me for the hurt I have caused her. When we would fight, she would cry and I wouldn't show that I cared.. a few times I even threw in a "why don't you go back to NY"... I know that I have been mean and hurtful but I have also loved her very deeply. At least, that is what I thought. 

I told her that I was going out after work today and she responds with "K, have fun"... K is the ultimate mad word.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

What exactly can't she forgive? What did you do? Specifics please.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

She never really gives me specifics except that I have made her cry a lot. Which I have. A few instances that she has told me about where:

I left out that we are a lesbian married couple. Legally married.

1) We were at a wedding and I was drunk and I thought she wanted this other chick, who was her type, more of the masculine type.. She didn't give me any reason to think that, it was just my insecurites and me being wasted. 

2) Before she moved with me, she had a roommate who was living off of my wife. My wife paid all the bills and rent because the girl didnt have a job at first but once she got one she never paid anything. They werent a couple, different rooms.. They were both seeing someone. So when my wife moved in with me, her friend went psycho saying I was ugly, looked old (lol dumb stuff), and even said that if she ever saw me, she would punch me in the face (how old are we??).. She hates everything about me and our relationship... fast forward to a year and a half later when my wife and I started having problems.. I found out that she was talking to that friend again, which would have been ok, except she decided to tell her that we are having so many problems.. and threw me under the bus to this person who wants nothing more than for our marriage to fail. So I got really hurt and angry.. I threw all her clothes out of the room and was yelling at her... thats when I called her a *lut.. It was wrong of me, i totally overreacted. So she says she can't forgive me for that.

3) about a month into our dating, I had kissed this other girl that I was talking to before my wife. I told my wife about it cause I felt bad, I probably shouldn't have but I would have wanted to know. I told her that I ddint really do anything it was more of the girl kissing me.... so after we were married, I ended up telling her the whole truth that obviously I let her kiss me... again should have just left well enough alone. It was wrong of me yes, but it was so freaking long ago and in the first month of dating!!! She still throws that in my face.

4) She can't forgive me for all the times I made her cry.. which I did but on the other hand of that, she literally cries at everything.. If someone says something mean to her at work, she will cry. I should have been more careful with my words and my tone of voice.

That is really all I can think of that she says. The jist of it is just that I was mean to her and made her cry all the time. 

I didn't realize I was that bad to her or else I would have started fixing my issues. Like I mentioned before, as soon as she told me all of this I immediately began counseling and stopped drinking. I knew that I had anger issues but I wasn't ready to accept the fact that I needed to get help for myself. She can't understand that it was hard for me to see how bad I was before and she can't understand how sometimes things like this make a person open their eyes and realize they need to make changes. I went to Afghanistan and going to war has an effect on people.

She won't go to couples counseling with me because she says "I am entitled to feel hurt and I don't need someone telling me that I have to get over it and forgive you". I try to explain that counseling is not about that. 


I have probably asked her a billion times about her seeing someone else and she is just getting so pissed everytime I ask now. Which I would too cause it is annoying! I check phone records, we share a bank account, I check her credit card, she shows me her work schedule. So I highly doubt it unless she is just that good. She is always home when not at work. 

I started doing the 180 last night for the first time and I can tell she didn't like it. She said "why are you being that way to me"... and when I was going to sleep in the other room she asked why. But then she still talks about her apt which rips my heart out everytime she brings it up. But then when she left for work this morning she was in such an awful mood because of the cat that she was just being nasty to me.. Didn't even hug me bye.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

Anyone??


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If your doing the 180...then her not hugging you is a good thing...right?

The 180 is there to emotionaly protect you, the steps are there to put up the walls from your wife's emotional torture.

BTW thanks for your service.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Have you verified that she actually signed a lease and put down a deposit?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

here is a thought, i am guessing the best part of your relationship with her was the courting phase of your relationship......when you were at your best to woo her, and i think she is trying to relive that part of that relationship because she was probably most happy for her. now if i am on the mark then you court the hell out of your wife while at the same time continue working on yourself....time to re-sell yourself.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

I have verified that she put down a deposit on the apt because I saw the check in the account and they called my mom for a reference (OUCH!).. I don't know if she has officialy signed a lease or not. I always thought that was on move in day just incase someone changes their mind. That has been the way for me before when I had an apt.

I stopped doing the 180 because I feel like it is geared more for someone who has been hurt by their spouse like an affair. I am the one who had been hurting her, so by doing the 180 I feel like it pushes her away more.

Xenote you bring up an awesome point; I was thinking the same as you so the last 2 days I have been trying to make her fall in love with me again the way she did before.. She says she is still in love with me BUT I want to show her exactly why she fell in love with me in the first place. I have been back to being the funny person that I have always been with her, making her laugh, texting her funny things.. We go back and fourth on text now with happy things.. Like I asked what she wanted for dinner and she responded with surprise me.. and she threw in a few "yays" in there. A couple times she had texted me saying I love you. 

She is a nurse and works 12 hour shifts on her feet all day, so I rubbed her feet, legs and back for her... She fell asleep with her head on my chest and her arm around me.. 

This morning I hugged her bye before we both left for work and we said I love you.. I asked if I could kiss her, she said yes.. so I asked are you sure and she said are you sure... So we kissed. After she left she texted me saying "youre awfully chipper this morning" and said it wasnt a bad thing! 

I have even been cleaning the damn cat liter!! I hate it but I do it so she doesn't have to come home from a long day and do it!! 

With all that said, I know she is still hesitate to believe all of this because she is affraid I will fall back into my ways... 

All I can do from here is continue to see my therapists and make myself a better person.. Even if she doesn't stay with me, at least this has opened my eyes to being a better person in general and for my next mate...

Thank you guys for your words.. I'd love to hear more.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Keep it up and keep working on yourself.
Once she actually moves out then 180 her and go dark.

She has to miss you enough to come back.
That means NC.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

Thanks guys. I just have no idea how to take her. She will text me all day.. Say I love you. Cuddle with me at night... Kiss me bye in the mornings... 

In the back of my mind I know that she is still moving out... At least I think... I am scared to ask. We don't talk about that or anything that's been going on.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

I need advice on how to handle this situation... It is so confusing.

All weekend she acted like we are together and all that jazz. Cuddling with me all day... Went to dinner, movies, the mall, she kisses me but yet she still reminds me that she is moving out! 

I dont know how to handle this situation while we are still in the same home. 

I dont text her as much so she will text and say "Why do you ignore me" and "you hate me".

Why would she want to act like we are married but still moving out on the 22nd?? It's hurtful.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Jharm said:


> I need advice on how to handle this situation... It is so confusing.
> 
> All weekend she acted like we are together and all that jazz. Cuddling with me all day... Went to dinner, movies, the mall, she kisses me but yet she still reminds me that she is moving out!
> 
> ...


She's selfish.

Start out-selfishing her. That's all you can do to gain some level of control over matters. Stop kissing her, stop talking to her and stop being weak.

Do these and you'll be a better man in a matter of weeks. This list was compiled for people like you:

*Synthetic's 10 Commandments*:

1. Read this link - *Just Let Them Go*

2. Follow the following rules: *The 180 degree rules*

3. Read this short book in the next 24 hours: *No More Mr. Nice Guy
* 
4. Separate all finances and stop supporting her 'single' lifestyle

5. Book a counseling appointment ASAP

6. Doesn't matter how you do it, but *sweat the pain of anxiety out*. Treadmills are your best friend. Use them. This is very important: You need to physically feel spent before you hit bed every night. 

7. Think a lot, read a lot, and cry as needed - This particular link should be open in your browser at all times and read multiple times: *DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?*

8. Find your social worth by socializing with as many people as possible (females work better). Spend time with friends, but don't just settle for your circle of friends. This is the best time to make new ones and feel attractive/attracted. You're not looking for sex or a relationship. You're looking for natural human attraction between you and others.

9. Do whatever it takes to go on a trip that involves a long flight, preferably to a country where English or your first language is not spoken

10. Start living an 'overly' fun life without feeling any guilt. This is the hardest task ahead. It's important to wash the guilt out of yourself once you have realized where it originates from via all the reading and counseling you've done.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Hi Jharm. Welcome to TAM and sorry to see you here.

I'm kinda new to this separation/break up situation myself, and as a guy i cannot claim to have any experience in lesbian partnerships (even though my Sis in Law is one), but reading your posts it appears to me that she's not being nice to you (the cuddling, the texts, etc), she's (whether she realizes it or not) actually only looking out for herself. 

She's rationalizing her behavior by thinking that by being so nice right up until the last minute, she's not really hurting you. But she is. She's not letting you down softly, she's letting herself down softly. Your pain is not important to her, just hers.

You say that the 180 isn't right for you. But actually, it is. The 180 is to help YOU deal with a breakup. It's not for dealing with the fallout of an affair, even though it is worded that way. Read the principles of the 180. You will need to apply them soon. To protect yourself. You will need to rewire your head and heart as if you're moving on, because, in the eventuality that you DO need to move on, you'll already be on the road to doing so by applying the 180. Of course she doesn't like it, you're tearing down her 'reality'. 

It's unclear from your posts whether she knows that you know about her plans (apt, etc), but it's time to 'man up' (yes, i know, but it still applies! ) and have 'the talk' with her. You're both avoiding what needs to be done. And that's making it worse. 

For obvious reasons, you may also feel that the NMMN(Guy) book doesn't apply to you. But it may be worth a read as some of the behaviours described in the book may help you. 

Alternately, for a more feminine version, perhaps take a look at "I know i'm in there somewhere" by Dr Helene Brenner. It was recommended to me by someone here on TAM, and i in turn suggested it to my (separated) Wife.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

DayOne said:


> Hi Jharm. Welcome to TAM and sorry to see you here.
> 
> I'm kinda new to this separation/break up situation myself, and as a guy i cannot claim to have any experience in lesbian partnerships (even though my Sis in Law is one), but reading your posts it appears to me that she's not being nice to you (the cuddling, the texts, etc), she's (whether she realizes it or not) actually only looking out for herself.
> 
> ...


Thank you! I know I need to "man up", as my mom has been telling me to "nut up". I can admit that I am being so weak! I wish I could be a stronger person right now. 

I need her to just move out already. She has told me her plans to move out on the 22nd and we share a bank account so I have seen the check that she used to hold the apt. She has no family here so I feel like I can't just kick her out (although, my parents said thats what I need to do). She is being incredibly selfish; it is like she is using me to comfort her own heart and make herself feel good until the day she moves out. I just don't understand why she tells me she is in love with me and cries when we talk about her leaving. It is so frustrating to me. If she is that upset over it, then why leave?!? I know that I have hurt her in the past by being mean to her; not making her feel appreciated and making her cry (but honestly she cries at every little thing). I accidentally let our cat get out of the house last week, she went insane. Crying like you would think her best friend died, texting me telling me "all you do is disappoint me". She has major parent issues cause her parents were never there for her growing up, so she has her own issues she needs to work out with a therapist but if I tell her that then is comes down to me just being mean. I see a therapist once a week and it makes me feel so much better. I'm not such a bad person that you just throw your marriage away. I never wanted to get married before I met her. I thought I never would... Now I feel like I wasted it on someone who isn't willing to actually fight for me. I wish she had someone else so that I could make more sense of it all, I could accept it better. If you are in love with someone, why would you not do everything in your power to stay with them?!? 

She text me during the day yesterday saying I love You. I replied with "if you truly love me then just let me be, let me start getting over you and move on"... so she said "you don't think we could ever work it out in the future?".... why do we need to work it out in the future?! why can't you work it out now?!?! 

ugh sorry for venting your ears off. I'm just so frustrated and hurt.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Jharm said:


> Thank you! I know I need to "man up", as my mom has been telling me to "nut up". I can admit that I am being so weak! I wish I could be a stronger person right now.
> 
> I need her to just move out already. She has told me her plans to move out on the 22nd and we share a bank account so I have seen the check that she used to hold the apt. She has no family here so I feel like I can't just kick her out (although, my parents said thats what I need to do). She is being incredibly selfish; it is like she is using me to comfort her own heart and make herself feel good until the day she moves out. I just don't understand why she tells me she is in love with me and cries when we talk about her leaving. It is so frustrating to me. If she is that upset over it, then why leave?!?
> 
> ...


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Jharm said:


> She text me during the day yesterday saying I love You. I replied with "if you truly love me then just let me be, let me start getting over you and move on"... so she said "you don't think we could ever work it out in the future?".... why do we need to work it out in the future?! why can't you work it out now?!?!
> 
> ugh sorry for venting your ears off. I'm just so frustrated and hurt.


This. Is how she will constantly draw you back in.

Sorry you are this situation.

My ex did the same thing. She kept going between attacking me and then suddenly turning all nice with me and wanting to go dates and stuff.
I spent most of the two additional months she spent with me going “WTF?”.

Listen to the ones who say she is doing this for herself. 
There really isn’t much sense in it and she is most likely listening to a LOT of delusional self talk. She may also have a toxic friend who is feeding her garbage thoughts.
Seems like there is always at least one “friend” who likes to watch and encourage the destruction of a relationship. 
They use the trauma to bond with their new friend.
Odd and very parasitic behavior.

In her mind, she doesn’t think she is doing anything wrong. But it obviously is.
You need to survive the next 18 days as best you can. I would suggest being absent from the house…A LOT.
You basically need to do a lot of 180 behavior.

So now is the time to reconnect with friends, go out, waste time in places OTHER than your home. 
Definitely still sleep there. Don’t give up your territory but give her a taste of what life is without you around.
This behavior of hers is hurtful to you. So…DON’T GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO IT….
Above all, stay off the texts. Unless it absolutely has to be answered, DON’T ANSWER IT.
That’s how she will pull you back in.

Become a professional roommate.
Separate finances and get yourself ready and don’t EVER let her see you fold.

Need to vent? Do it to your friends or come here.
Lots of good people here.

She is handing you a massive test.
Pass it for yourself, get clear, then decide if she is worth getting back.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Jharm said:


> She says that I have been mean to her and not treated her well. Which at the time I didn't see it *but looking back on it now, I do see it.* I never knew I was that bad to her or else I would have made changed from the start.


Personally, I think she's "gas lighting" you (look up the term if you don't know it), rewriting marital history to shift ALL the blame onto you, nuking you for EVERYTHING negative that's ever happened in your marriage. And sadly, you blindly accepted all her blame in an effort to repair or save your relationship.

Convenient for her, huh? You get blamed for everything and she may "never be able to forgive you." For what? For serving your country, being deployed, and ending up with PTSD? What a supportive wife.

Listen to your mom... "Nut up!!"

Are you sure she didn't have an affair while you were deployed?

Time to toss this one back.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

Thanks again.

I find myself questioning if I even want to be with her anyway or if I am just hurt cause she is dumping me. She hasn't always been the most supportive wife. I have a son with an ex, she threw custody papers at me with some pretty harsh statements about me, it completely broke my heart. When I told my wife about it, the first thing out of her mouth was "isnt this going to cost thousands?" instead of something supportive... 2 days after I got those papers (while I was out of town to get my son) she went and got an apt. Double whammy. I am starting to just get angry at her. I never wanted to be married before I met her and I feel like I wasted it on someone who isnt willing to stand by me. She has me so beat down that I am questioning if maybe I am just an awful person. I thought I was showing her how much I loved her and cared for her. 

I think I would find this easier to accept if not 2 weeks before she got an appt we were house hunting and talking about trying for kids soon. 

I try to explain to my wife that being emotional and sympathetic doesnt come natural to me; I grew up in a home where we didnt say I love you and showed emotions, I was in the army, and have been to war.. We are taught to not have emotions! My wife cant understand that it is something that I have to work on and learn, which is what I do with my therapists every week. My wife is a nurse so it comes first nature to her. 

All I can do at this point is continue to make myself better so that I dont make the same mistakes in the future... Although, I will never be getting married again.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Well, you have to separate your identity from your wife. Couples fall into the trap of relating themselves as one being. Also , the the stuff that you are still doing as a couple, like cuddling, is only bonding you further. When we do intimate things with someone, we are releasing bonding hormones. As hard as it is, those types of things have to stop.

Don't forget, before you met your wife, you were happy before in life. Never revolve your happiness into someone too much. 

Do whatever it takes and become the person you want, and not the type of person someone else wants you to become. Thanks for serving, and when you grow strong as a person, you may realize, that your wife is no longer the person you are attracted too. Rewiring yourself,, and changing you, you may want something else instead.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

I have now entered the angry, hurt, angry, hurt stage. Anger really helps with the pain.

She is totally cake eating and I allowed it. I have seen a therapist for 4 months since the first time she told me she was going to leave me and that I needed to change... The next day I had an appt set up for my therapist and have been going since.

Anyway, so I went to my therapist last night and she really helped to put things into perspective. So I immediately cut off all contact with her (we live in the same house for 2 more weeks) that is possible. We shared a phone plan, I got on my own today, I opened her up her own bank account and I am giving her what she wants.... To be away from me. 

I can't be a doormat and let her treat me how she wants. I'm just angry now.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Did you figure that she was keeping you hooked just in case things don't work out?

As anonymous people, we have a detach view of things, that someone in your situation can't see. 

Emotions will fog your thinking, that is why a neutral party is needed. Perhaps they can see the picture.

Yes, you should feel your emotions.

I hope for the best outcome for you whatever that may be.

This is the time to ask yourself some tough questions, and figure what your needs, goals, and what you hope to accomplish during therapy.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

Well move out day is this saturday. I am ok. I think. It hurts to see an empty closest and all her stuff packed up. I go through anger to hurt to anger to hurt to just hurry up and get the f out. I don't know if the 6 week wait between "i got an apt" and the move out date has helped or hurt. It did drag on and caused tremendous pain but on the other hand, I have been able to accept it more. I dont know for sure, I guess I will find out on Saturday.

I just wish she would tell me that she isn't in love with me, that she doesn't desire and want me, that she actually wants to let me go but she won't do that. She says the opposite. She cries all the time, so why leave?!? She is super young, 23. She is extremely mature in every other way but this marriage. You don't just walk away from someone when the times get tough, especially if you are truly in love with them. 

This past 2 weeks she has treated me like scum.. Like the lowest piece of trash on earth bc she is "angry" at how I have hurt her in the past.. but I still wouldn't walk away from her. 

Once she moves out, I will not have any contact with her for at least 30 days. I am just scared that no contact will make her see that she really is much happier without me.

I don't know but this is going to be a tough week for me.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

You have to learn to let go. 

You are banging your head against an emotional wall that she erected.

Your feeling frustrated that she is not seeing things from your point of view.

The only person who can take down that wall is her, and doing that will mean she will have to deal with her issues.

The more you try and convince her, the more she feels bombarded and withdraws into her shell.

Detach at the moment, work on your issues, and learn responsive communication skills.

I don't remember you saying if you have anger issues or not, but if you do, learn better coping mechanisms.

In the current situation that your in, what can you personally do to improve your life, and well being?

This is something you can't factor her in.


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

Well my wife moved out today. She is already texting me saying that she wishes she never got this apt, that she wants to work on us, she doesn't want to live without me... and now she wants to go to counseling. 

I have begged her for 5 months to go to counseling but she wouldn't but now that she realizes the severity of what she actually did by moving out, she is desperate. 

The only way I will work things out with her is if she really does go to counseling; individual and couples. I have been in individual counseling for 3 months and I feel good. 

I miss my wife's company. I'm bored as [email protected] here by myself.


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## Faithful123 (Oct 29, 2014)

Consider counselling for yourself, then perhaps with your wife, but you should truly remain detached and apart while this process takes place, that will give you the best possible chance.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Late to the party, but about this...



Jharm said:


> *There is definitely no physical affair going on cause she is always at work or home*.. I guess she could be having an emotional affair but she really isn't sketchy acting with her phone. Or I could just be in denial.


That just means that she's cheating while at work.


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## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

I would suggest a few months of ic before considering mc. She has to really figure out what is what. False r aucks


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## Jharm (Oct 20, 2014)

I made it through Thanksgiving without my wife. It was Thanksgiving AND our wedding anniversary.. Double whammy.

I am basically dying inside. I am so hurt. My wife keeps saying she wants to try with us and go to counseling but her actions are saying otherwise. 

She doesn't show my any kind of love, her texts are short. Its my fault tho bc I have gone full crazy mode and been texting her nonstop asking her if she is sure she wants to try and basically sounding like a desperate pathetic fool. I know I need to stop but how?!?! 

She says me talking about everything everyday nonstop doesn't make her not want to try but it does push her away more. So I know I need to stop.

How do you fight the urge to text?! I am so hurt inside, its awful. To make things worse I have been off of work since wednesday and go back Monday bc of the holiday so I have nothing else to do but think about how much I want my wife back. 

I never want to feel this pain again. I keep trying to tell myself that if she wanted to talk to me she would. If she wanted to see me she would. but bc she doesn't do those things it just hurts me more. 

She came over on Tuesday and she was crying and really upset that she moved out but she hasnt seem me since. She is a nurse so she works 12 hour shifts so she is busy but I feel like I would do anything to see her even if it were just for 2 minutes but she wont do that for me. 

I already go to individual counseling every week, and have been for 4 months but I am so ready to start marriage counseling. I can't keep feeling so hurt by her. She doesn't show me any kind of love at all. I mean, she will text me that she loves me and misses me but thats about it. 

Do you guys have any suggestions on how to fight that urge to send a text!!


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## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

Write what you want to txt in a journal and read it the next day or days later. It sounds different after a few days and most I write I never txt or say.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

shellgames said:


> Write what you want to txt in a journal and read it the next day or days later. It sounds different after a few days and most I write I never txt or say.


:iagree:


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