# Girlfriend and the ex



## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Hi, im new here but i have been visiting this forum for quite a while now...
Im feeling confused right now... I dont know if im overreacting or if there's something to be really worried about.
I'll make it as short as i can...
We started dating january last year and found out she was texting this other guy (old time friend) and shared naked pictures, this happened in february ( one month after we were going out , we werent a couple then. In march we made it official, and the texts stopped, she told him she was with me and that they could'nt be more than friends and she was happy with me. 
They still text but it is not as often as to think that they could be having an affair, but i've known that every once in a while the guy tried to send her naked pictures... I would say that he didnt, but i read the texs and saw he wanted to do it. 
Today i read a normal thing... Without the guy trying to do that...
So... Should i be worry? Should i confront her? 
She has been clear with this guy about our relationship... Or Should i let it go and see what happens?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If it bothers you, you should talk to her about it but show no anger, that makes you look weak. Ex lovers should not be friends with people in a committed relationship.

She should be more than happy to drop him if she is in love with you. However, if the two of you don't see a future with each other, that's another thing.

Last January would be 2013, right?

In any event you need the mmslp book below. Both of you should read the NJF book linked below.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Definitely discuss it with her. 

Just so I am clear. She was sending him naked pictures of herself while dating you? You knew about that and decided to make things official with her? Is that correct? Also how do you know he is still texting her pursuing more than friendship. Is she telling and showing you or did you find that yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Chaparral said:


> If it bothers you, you should talk to her about it but show no anger, that makes you look weak.


:iagree:


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Sending Naked pictures means a little deeper relationship then just being friends. It means a sexual attraction. Would you want a guy texting her if she had slept with him?

Sorry this guy is a vulture who can do some real harm to your relationship. 


If she is serious about you she needs to break off this relationship.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Why would you have a girlfriend that sends naked pictures to anyone?
That is irresponsible and dumb.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

rrrbbbttt said:


> Sending Naked pictures means a little deeper relationship then just being friends. It means a sexual attraction.


:iagree:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I have female friends Some of them have been friends with me for a long time. You could call them old friends. They do not send me naked pictures.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Dump her. This is not right. If her boundaries are so loose and spongey, why wait for what's going to happen next. Move on. Plenty of decent gals out there for you.

Also, read up on MMSLP. Good for any guy to read.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Something is wrong. To send naked pictures to a friend for no reason but to get a rise out of him. 

Do you have female friends? Do they ever send you a picture of them naked and ask, "Hey! Ever see one of these before?"

You send a naked picture to turn the other person on and to me it shows a lack of responsibility. To me it's like a preview to the upcoming show.


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

workindad said:


> Definitely discuss it with her.
> 
> Just so I am clear. She was sending him naked pictures of herself while dating you? You knew about that and decided to make things official with her? Is that correct? Also how do you know he is still texting her pursuing more than friendship. Is she telling and showing you or did you find that yourself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didnt know until a couple of months later, i found out bymyself...
she doesnt knowthat i know all this.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Sorry but she sounds like a player who always lacks to have a backup. How would she feel if the roles were reversed and you were sending naked pictures to an ex after you had been dating her for a month?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

City1 said:


> I didn't know until a couple of months later, i found out bymyself...
> she doesn't know that i know all this.


OK, let me see if I have this right:

You started to date in January, but at that point we are talking initial dates, nothing committed. You made your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship official in March. 

If that is the case, then it's safe to assume your 'monogamy' expectations started in March. So, I would be wary about this guy because of what you know from February. But I wouldn't hold that against her.

What I would be concerned about is that she is keeping the relationship with this guy now. Is he her plan B if things don't work with you? Or does she intend to keep him around for an illicit affair even if she stays with you?

Either way, you got to nip it in the bud. This guy is keeping her on the line so that one day if she is a little vulnerable he can hook her and reel her in. And she is letting him.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Acoa said:


> OK, let me see if I have this right:
> 
> You started to date in January, but at that point we are talking initial dates, nothing committed. You made your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship official in March.
> 
> ...


Like contacting her after you're married and happy...

Maybe, don't date ladies who share nakey nakey pics. Kinda depends on how you hang...


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

I don't know I'm shaking my head here

She has a history of sending naked pictures to an ex and you sit there watching them have any kind of contact at all!?!

What are you thinking 

She shuts him down like zero, dead, defunct overnight or she's history.

It's not a debate


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sometimes when you're married, you find out that your spouse isn't the person you thought he/she was. Throw in kids, a mortgage and other financial entanglements and you could feel helpless and feeling like you no longer have control of your life.

You DO have control right now. You know EXACTLY the type of person you are dating. Don't shoot yourself in the foot if you can help it. That's the advice I would give to you.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Where there is doubt let there be no doubt! Nuke this guy now! He is a [email protected] who is choosing to ignore what your gf told him.

Also be very careful with your gf. She may really be into you but she sounds like she plays all the angles and bases.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

whatever you do, get this settled while you are just dating---do not even think of asking her to marry you---till you get it all straight

If the 2 of you are really serious, then some boundaries need to be set-----as to what kind of contact there will or will not be with old friends of the opposite sex-----also her sending nude pics of herself on the computer, for any reason needs to stop----one never knows who does what with those pics, and they could come back to haunt you, years from now---should you still be together

There should be no contact with an X----especially where he keeps trying to get back with her---or is sending her pics of himself----she needs to go NC, and wipe out any contacts/methods of contact she now has with him----make sure you see the NC go out, and make sure it spells out to him, he is to stop checking her out---she is in a relationship and she is done with him----if her tone needs to be harsh to get the point across---so be it


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Girls who send naked pics of themselves all across the cyberspace are GREAT girls to date. Have a ball with her! I bet she'd be willing to do stuff with you that you thought was only possible in Cirque du Soleil! Enjoy yourself!

Just don't make babies with her. She isn't relationship material.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Are you afraid she is the last girl in the world ?

If not, set your boundries make sure she don't cross them.

Oh, and she's not !!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

and was it by accident that you found this out, or was your guts telling you something wasn't right ???


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I can't believe anyone would send pictures like that since they could end up on the internet. Many people do it though.

Having said that, she did cut that out when you became exclusive. That's a great point in her favor.

Is the guy trying to have a romantic relationship with her?

I think you should keep an eye on things but not necessarily dump her.


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## Singleton (May 30, 2013)

I agree with everyone her: Sending naked pictures is dumb and shows poor boundaries! Maintaining sexualized friendship also indicates poor boundaries. Poor boundaries lead to unhealthy relationships. 

Good luck explaining to her why staying in touch with her friend is not good for your relationship. She will view you as a controlling person and will resent you. People either understand these relationship axioms or not. My very educated wife did not understand it. When I tried to explain to her that I am uncomfortable with the close relationship she had with one of her colleagues, she told me:"He is like a brother to me!". Two years ago she divorced me and two of them have been together ever since.

I left all my romantic relationship in the past where they belong. The only exception is the mother of my children (my first wife). When we talk it is about kids and we keep it short.

Most relationship fail because early warning signs are ignored and instead of terminating such a relationship we close our eyes and go forward. You be the one not to do it. Dump her tonight! It will certainly help you and may help her too.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

When was the last time you sent your chick a naked pic?

Maybe you should also send this ex a pic....after all you saw his junk he should see yours!

Even better find out if this ex is seeing someone and send the guy's girl friend a pic of your junk.

Either way do some research and find out if this ex is seeing someone and then find out who and expose this bull crap.


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Thanks guys... Well i confronted her in a way and yes... She said that im pushing her away... That im been jelous and controling...
We have a good relationship, its just that i dont like that she keeps talking to this guy , its not everyday, its random, she told him that she was in a relationship withme but i feel that the guy is trying something. i didnt tell her i saw the pics, and she denied that they had something in the past...


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> I can't believe anyone would send pictures like that since they could end up on the internet. Many people do it though.
> 
> Having said that, she did cut that out when you became exclusive. That's a great point in her favor.
> 
> ...


Yes, i think the guy is trying to make a move. When i talked to her about all this she said that i have to trust her, that she was with me but she want to keep this friendship relationship because she know him form a long time


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

OldWolf57 said:


> and was it by accident that you found this out, or was your guts telling you something wasn't right ???


The first time was by accident , then a couple months later i was having this feeling and saw tha this guy was very persistantin sending her pictures, but she said that no she didnt wanted to feel guilty


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

City1 said:


> Hi, im new here but i have been visiting this forum for quite a while now...
> Im feeling confused right now... I dont know if im overreacting or if there's something to be really worried about.
> I'll make it as short as i can...
> We started dating january last year and found out she was texting this other guy (old time friend)* and shared naked pictures,* this happened in february ( one month after we were going out , we werent a couple then. In march we made it official, and the texts stopped, she told him she was with me and that they could'nt be more than friends and she was happy with me.
> ...


I would never share naked images with an ex. with a current lover/spouse? Maybe.

But I think you answered your own question.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

City1, you are allowed to have your own boundaries and limits. You do not have to agree with her, and she does not have to agree with you.

Personally, I don't know any man who would be ok with his girlfriend or wife having that kind of contact with an ex.

If it bothers you, it bothers you. Don't let her convince you that you are wrong to feel this way. What she might convince you of is that you are mistaken about some facts of the situation. But your feelings and your boundaries are never wrong.

If you feel strongly about this, it may be a serious conflict in values between you and her. She may be a 95% match but not a 100% match. I would not advise you to accept things which you object to or make you uncomfortable, and eventually you might decide this is a dealbreaker issue for you.

In the meantime, clarify to your self what your boundaries, beliefs, and values are in this issue. Then communicate those to her. She can choose to abide by your boundaries or not.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

City1 said:


> Yes, i think the guy is trying to make a move. When i talked to her about all this she said that i have to trust her, that she was with me but she want to keep this friendship relationship because she know him form a long time


Tell her she can have her friendship, just not as your girlfriend.
Then smile and walk away.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

City1 said:


> Thanks guys... Well i confronted her in a way and yes... *She said that im pushing her away... That im been jelous and controling...*
> We have a good relationship, its just that i dont like that she keeps talking to this guy , its not everyday, its random, she told him that she was in a relationship withme but i feel that the guy is trying something. i didnt tell her i saw the pics, and she denied that they had something in the past...




Haha... She's a funny girl.

Now you know what type of person your girlfriend is. Dont expect her to change.

Knowing what you know now, make wise decisions for yourself.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

City1

Now you know your GF is a liar.

So let her know you are a strong, confident guy that isn't jealous.

Dump her. Tell her why and that you know the truth.

And go find a new girl that has the qualities you want and shows you some respect.

HM


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

In an exclusive relationship, she is acting like a single girl. Let her be one and walk.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Tell her she can have her friendship, just not as your girlfriend.
> Then smile and walk away.





> City1, you are allowed to have your own boundaries and limits. You do not have to agree with her, and she does not have to agree with you.
> 
> If you feel strongly about this, it may be a serious conflict in values between you and her. She may be a 95% match but not a 100% match. I would not advise you to accept things which you object to or make you uncomfortable, and eventually you might decide this is a dealbreaker issue for you.
> 
> In the meantime, clarify to your self what your boundaries, beliefs, and values are in this issue. Then communicate those to her. She can choose to abide by your boundaries or not.


This is great advice - advice that SHOULD be followed by all of us. IMHO, a lot of infidelity can be minimized if we would all define what we are seeking in a mate and follow thru to ensure we get what we need out of our future spouses. When you start compromising on this or that simply because "you love her", you'll regret it in the end.


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## z_man (Nov 1, 2013)

City1 said:


> H
> They still text but it is not as often as to think that they could be having an affair.
> 
> So... Should i be worry? Should i confront her?
> She has been clear with this guy about our relationship... Or Should i let it go and see what happens?


From my experience, the guy is doing what is called "pinging" your chick to test her availability.

As long as your game is solid and your chick does not respond inappropriately then keep quiet, continue to monitor, and stay awesome.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Here's a clue about women who like to flirt - and cheat. Their favorite response to being called out is to say 'you're going to push me away with your controlling nature.'

That way, she's free to do whatever she wants because she knows that, as a man, you'll be too afraid of pissing off the woman, and you'll back off. That way, if something better or more fun comes along, she'll have trained you to stop snooping.

That said, she _hasn't done anything_ since you became official, that you know of, aside from responding to a former acquaintance she has some history with. So IIWY, I would keep my eyes open and make sure MY side of the street is taken care of (ie, being the best option out there).


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP she does not sound like relationship material. 

Cut your losses and bail on this one. It will only get worse later. She has shown that she has no issue hiding the depth of her "friendship" and communications with her ex. That tells me she knows what she is doing is wrong but she places so much value on her ex that she can't cut him loose. 

On top of it all, your relationship boundaries are not in sync. You will not fix hers to match yours. She has already explained that to you with the warning that you are pushing her away. 

Bail. You can find a better match and will be happier for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## z_man (Nov 1, 2013)

City1 said:


> Yes, i think the guy is trying to make a move. When i talked to her about all this she said that i have to trust her, that she was with me but she want to keep this friendship relationship because she know him form a long time


* This is going to happen unless your chick totally shuts down this guy, i.e. unfriends/blocks/deletes/cuts all contact and tells him to fvck off.

* Talking to her was a mistake (as you saw the results)

* Trust is earned meaning that as long as your chick is behaving trustworthy, then you can trust her to the point that she acts differently towards you and/or the other guy.

* Her unwillingness to let go of this other guy is an indicator that she is not totally sold on you (for whatever reason.) A chick with high interest level in you would not need/keep a backup plan.

* By talking to her about your concerns over this guy, it makes you look insecure and needy (both low value attributes) and in fact "drives her away" from you. 

The bottom line for you in this situation is you are now faced with keeping your mouth shut and putting up with her "friendship" with this other guy or communicating your expectations/boundaries and the consequences for crossing them (which should be NEXT!) 

If, in your estimation she already has crossed your boundaries, then end it, move on, live and learn.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Personally I would NEVER share naked pictures with anyone including my Wife.. Let alone a GF.. 

I would question the morality of someone who does that.. 

I have seen first hand what happens to people who send out pictures.. First off and simply.. Once you send out a picture to someone, you lose all rights to those images.. So if they post them on the internet or share them, you have ZERO control over it.. They cannot be arrested or prosecuted...

That being said.. 

You didn't tell her you seen them ? Now you do look like your nuts.. Yea you snooped.. But you found something and you can see it is more than what she is saying by her lying to you about it.

My line would be *" Look, I fvcked up and snooped on your phone. But I seen the naked pictures you sent this guy and I seen that he is asking you for more pictures and is sending you naked pictures. I don't like it one bit."*

You take your beating for snooping, but she has to take her beating for lying..

How would she like it if some girl was sending you naked pictures ? 

Very simple, change your friends name to a female and have him send you pictures of a nude girl from the internet.. Let see how she reacts.. 

I did something similar with great success with my current G.F.

Yes we fought and she didn't believe me until I called the number and my male friend answered.. But the point was made.. 

*Women and Men CANNOT be FRIENDS, unless one of them is Gay or a Cousin or Both..* 

You know who said that ? 

My cheating wh0re Ex-wife... 

And I wholeheartedly agree with it.. The reality is someone in that mix has more than just friends feelings.. They might not admit it but they do.. 

I've been through similar with the current GF as far as guy friends.. In the end I told her it was either them or me.. I couldn't deal with the nonsense anymore.. She chose me.

But trust me some women love this attention and like these so called *"guy friends"*. 

I told her and will tell you, I consider this like a light form of cheating and I will explain.. 

Some drug addicts do not take a full dose of the drug like heroine, because it would put them in a daze and they would not be able to work. So what they do is take a light hit. Just enough to take the edge off and proceed to go to work. So basically they are working and functioning drug addicts.. 

But that only last so long and then they go full blown and lose everything..

So that is what your G.F. is doing.. In her mind she can handle this and you need to trust her.. Don't worry that this guy might want to fvck her, but you need to trust her. It doesn't matter what other men want to do, because you need to trust her.. 

This is what she is or will tell you.. 

Nutshell, I told my G.F. I don't give a fvck what you think about this.. It isn't right and if you don't see it then we cannot be together... I will NOT EVER compete for first place with someone.. Not for you, not for anyone..

Only when I tell her how would you feel if some girl wanted to fvck me and I kept her as a *"friend"*.. 

Only then does she concede and see my point..

I am telling you everything I read says to ignore this type of behavior, but I couldn't.. I needed to know that she was with me and on my side.. I consider this a form of dishonesty and betrayal.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

z_man said:


> * This is going to happen unless your chick totally shuts down this guy, i.e. unfriends/blocks/deletes/cuts all contact and tells him to fvck off.
> 
> * Talking to her was a mistake (as you saw the results)
> 
> ...


I'm an old married guy, and I disagree with your analysis in the context of a marriage or a potential marriage.

If you're just dating with no intention of progressing to marriage, I think your advice is ok. But this woman's behavior is _risky_ to the relationship. She is also being _manipulative_ by calling him controlling.

I agree with your assessment that this ex is "pinging" her. How many men have no sexual agenda when they maintain contact with a woman they find attractive? Zero!

How many women do not recognize "pinging" or that a man is interested in her? Zero!

She knows what she is doing (enjoying the attention), she knows what her ex is doing (looking for another taste), and she knows what her current BF is doing (being protective of the relationship).

In a marriage this would be a nuclear boundary for me. In fact it was when my wife's first lover showed up on her facebook. In a dating relationship this to me represents a disqualification from being considered marriage material.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

You should tell her you know about the naked pictures. Refuse to get in a back and fourth with her on how you found them - that's not the issue so don't allow her to make it one. She needs to have an understanding of why your boundary is reasonable. If the two of you are in a committed relationship, you have every right to have a problem with her keeping a friendship with the same person that she sent naked pictures to recently. If she chooses him over your relationship - then she doesn't value your relationship very much; and that's a good thing to know.

That said, I agree with several of the other posters. She doesn't sound like marriage material to me.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Thor said:


> I'm an old married guy, and I disagree with your analysis in the context of a marriage or a potential marriage.
> 
> If you're just dating with no intention of progressing to marriage, I think your advice is ok. But this woman's behavior is _risky_ to the relationship. She is also being _manipulative_ by calling him controlling.
> 
> ...


He already admitted he had a "gut" feeling the second time for me that would be a deal breaker.
Just saying.


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## rubymoon (Jul 21, 2014)

workindad said:


> I have female friends Some of them have been friends with me for a long time. You could call them old friends. They do not send me naked pictures.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




:iagree:

If someone is a true friend, then sending naked pic's will be just as awkward as sending them to all friends including those of the same sex. It's just something you never-ever-ever do with friends.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

z_man said:


> From my experience, the guy is doing what is called "pinging" your chick to test her availability.
> 
> As long as your game is solid and your chick does not respond inappropriately then keep quiet, continue to monitor, and stay awesome.



Or, she should respond once by telling her ex to f off (he's an ex for a reason) and then not respond at all.


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Well, they were never a couple ... They were just friends who had a sexual past, i dont know if that makes a difference...
I dont want to look like the jelous possesive boyfriend and i really dont want to push her away. She has been true to me and i feel that she is commited to me. 
I think that i should trust her but i should keep an eye open for any strange behavior. As you guys know all of this happened before we were official. And then she told him that they could just be friends when we made it official.
He ask her one time about me and she told him that she was happy.
So i think that right now wouldnt be a good time to bring this conversation again as she is showing me that she is with me and she is commited but if i see something or start noticing something different i think that would be the time...
Whta do you guys think?


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## z_man (Nov 1, 2013)

Thor said:


> I'm an old married guy, and I disagree with your analysis in the context of a marriage or a potential marriage.
> 
> If you're just dating with no intention of progressing to marriage, I think your advice is ok. But this woman's behavior is _risky_ to the relationship. She is also being _manipulative_ by calling him controlling.
> 
> ...


*Agree.*


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

City1 said:


> Well, they were never a couple ... They were just friends who had a sexual past, i dont know if that makes a difference...
> I dont want to look like the jelous possesive boyfriend and i really dont want to push her away. She has been true to me and i feel that she is commited to me.
> I think that i should trust her but i should keep an eye open for any strange behavior. As you guys know all of this happened before we were official. And then she told him that they could just be friends when we made it official.
> He ask her one time about me and she told him that she was happy.
> ...


I think, that as long as he is pursuing her and as long as they are in contact; there is the possibility of her cheating with him - and the possibility that you won't find out about it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

badmemory said:


> I think, that as long as he is pursuing her and as long as they are in contact; there is the possibility of her cheating with him - and the possibility that you won't find out about it.


:iagree:
What would she say if you had an ex hanging around.
Ask her that.


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

tom67 said:


> :iagree:
> What would she say if you had an ex hanging around.
> Ask her that.


What if she was ok about me talking to my ex and said that she trust me?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

City1 said:


> What if she was ok about me talking to my ex and said that she trust me?


Bottom line is do you trust her and do you want to constantly check up on her.
Is she worth all this extra energy?
From what you have told us I don't think so but it is your call.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

City1 said:


> What if she was ok about me talking to my ex and said that she trust me?


You: Would you still be OK if I had sent naked pictures to her recently and you new she was still pursuing me? If so, would that still be OK if we were engaged or married?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

> How many women do not recognize "pinging" or that a man is interested in her? Zero!


That's actually not true. I know SEVERAL women who frankly weren't aware they were being hit on. Women don't always see the world as a conquest, as many men do. Women often look for fulfilling friendships to have, and aren't thinking about getting someone in bed. And women who haven't grown up around men don't realize that many men have this on their mind to the extent that it happens.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

badmemory said:


> You: Would you still be OK if I had sent naked pictures to her recently and you new she was still pursing me? If so, would that still be OK if we were engaged or married?


Yes, big distinction. The next time this comes up, and it will, ask her THAT.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

City1 said:


> Well, they were never a couple ... They were just friends who had a sexual past, i dont know if that makes a difference...
> I dont want to look like the jelous possesive boyfriend and i really dont want to push her away. She has been true to me and i feel that she is commited to me.
> I think that i should trust her but i should keep an eye open for any strange behavior. As you guys know all of this happened before we were official. And then she told him that they could just be friends when we made it official.
> He ask her one time about me and she told him that she was happy.
> ...


Well, he just wants to see if they can still F#ck with you around. You would just be a minor inconvenience to him anyway. You can leave it up to her, or take action yourself. 

What would a beta do. What would an alpha do. 

You got game? He seems to. 

Maybe she would like it if you went caveman to protect your girl. Maybe not. 

What would you like. Sit on the back bench while she's on the plate waiting for the next pitch..? What will it be... Strike, ball walk or steal... Maybe a home run.

:scratchhead:

Maybe tell her to decide now. _*Right now*_. NC forever. Unfriends, UNemail, UNphone, never see again. Never hear from again. Have her send note she writes and after you approve it. Violation? Consequences? Break up immediately.

Or just dump her as too much aggravation. You wanna keep an eye on her forever? Then you can be that FWB and let the other guy squirm. FWBs get the nakey nakey pics... Bonus!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Well, he just wants to see if they can still F#ck with you around. You can leave it up to her, or take action yourself.
> 
> What would a beta do. What would an alpha do.
> 
> ...


I would say no more talk about this you look weak after a while.
Play dumb and observe, for now.
But prepare to move on if need be.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

tom67 said:


> I would say no more talk about this you look weak after a while.
> Play dumb and observe, for now.
> But prepare to move on if need be.


Cool. She has an optional piece on the side. No strings. All OM has to do is be the shoulder to cry on when OP gets is undies in a bunch about something.

...as if she needs a reason. Past behavior can predict future actions. Maybe she can keep the other guy orbiting by sending a few pics every so often. No harm. Just some innocent communications between FBs.

Wondering if she has commitment issues... Maybe that's why the FB and her never became a couple.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Cool. She has an optional piece on the side. No strings. All OM has to do is be the shoulder to cry on when OP gets is undies in a bunch about something.
> 
> ...as if she needs a reason. Past behavior can predict future actions. Maybe she can keep the other guy orbiting by sending a few pics every so often. No harm. Just some innocent communications between FBs.
> 
> Wondering if she has commitment issues... Maybe that's why the FB and her never became a couple.


I would have dropped her already just saying it sounds like he wants to keep the relationship for now.:scratchhead:
Don't know why after what he has told us.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You appear to be more afraid of her leaving you than of her cheating on you. 

That is certainly your call to make. 

She seems to have no issue with casual sex since he wasnt a boyfriend just a f-buddy. She also has no issue lying to you to protect her special friend. 

Think about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rubymoon (Jul 21, 2014)

They were never friends. They were FB's. Hence, they cannot go back to being "just friends" since they never were friends. He never wiped her tears when she was sad. He never listened to her rants about her issues and problems with guys. He never helped her move. He never took her to a hospital when she needed that. He never worried about her.... He is not a friend and never was one!

He is toying with her - he is probably finding it exciting to have her screw around with him behind another man's back. 

Since she slept with him before without any commitment on his part, chances are she wanted to be in a relationship with him, but he wouldn't commit. 

Now, provided all of that, what does she have to lose by cutting him off for you??? I'd say nothing that you shouldn't worry about. Ask her that. And if she tells you that you are controlling, tell her that you are honest - you honestly shared with her your vulnerable spot and you expect a loving, caring partner to be understanding of it. Is she that partner? 

Frankly, she knows what she is doing. Yes, women can be clueless, but not to the point of not understanding of what's going on when nacked pic's are received and sent!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

People, some have to learn the hard way.
He is still seeing it from her point of view, instead of from a healthy relationship view.

A healthy view, would her seeing how much this upsets him and go no contact with the guy, but since she get lil shivers from the msg's, she won't.

So OM is just going to go along to get along, until they have a fight and then swoop in for a lil consoling.

They always been FB's, and he is just keeping his hand in so she know where to come when C1 piss her off.

Gotta wonder if she will still keep the friendship if C1 propose.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

OldWolf57 said:


> People, some have to learn the hard way.
> He is still seeing it from her point of view, instead of from a healthy relationship view.
> 
> A healthy view, would her seeing how much this upsets him and go no contact with the guy, but since she get lil shivers from the msg's, she won't.
> ...


I gotta feeling the relationship with OM is not concluded. I think more like it is ongoing but not as frequent.

C1 needs to read up and understand the message of MMSLP. Maybe head over to the blog there too.

There's a word for when the girl heads out to date while the guy waits breathlessly at home. I just forget what that's called... Athol calls him a chump though.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

turnera said:


> That's actually not true. I know SEVERAL women who frankly weren't aware they were being hit on. Women don't always see the world as a conquest, as many men do. Women often look for fulfilling friendships to have, and aren't thinking about getting someone in bed. And women who haven't grown up around men don't realize that many men have this on their mind to the extent that it happens.


My wife. Supposebly.

OP. the fact that they were friends is one thing. The fact that they never dated is another. And the fact that they were just f-ck buddies is a whole 'nother ball of wax.

It was very easy for them to have casual sex. And clearly he is looking for more by staying in touch and putting feelers out. IMO, her boundaries are really low and with their history it would be very easy for her to accidentally fall into his bed.

Tread lightly.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Basically, she's an easy target for him because she's already proved herself an easy lay.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

She obviously has no problem with being F-buddies and sending naked pictures. That should give you good hints how she views herself.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> People, some have to learn the hard way.
> He is still seeing it from her point of view, instead of from a healthy relationship view.
> 
> A healthy view, would her seeing how much this upsets him and go no contact with the guy, but since she get lil shivers from the msg's, she won't.
> ...


Don't give him any ideas.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

OP is having to "work" for his sexual relationship with this woman, while her "friend" got free no strings attached sex and complimentary nude pics. 

That alone should be enough to take her out of the long term relationship category. 

OP, next this chick and move on to one worth your time.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

If OP does dump her and moves on; once he finds that decent girl he'll think back on what he's learned. He will actually cherish that one he eventually marries. That will be a lucky girl.

If he sticks with miss runny pants, he's ruined his life and will spin his wheels for a long time until she dumps him for the next FB.


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## SevenYears (Jun 23, 2014)

No point in staying in this relationship. Simple reason being she is still texting someone she used to have sex with and who still wants to have sex with her. 

Guess what will happen when there is a problem in the relationship like an argument or problems with work. She'll confide in her good friend who'll obviously tell her everything she wants to here along with lines like 'You deserve so much better' and 'I would never do that to you' And before you know it they are sleeping together again.

So I'd cut your losses right now.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

City1 said:


> In march we made it official, and the texts stopped, she told him she was with me and that they could'nt be more than friends


Actually, being "friends" after their history is unacceptable as a committed girlfriend.




> They still text but it is not as often as to think that they could be having an affair, but i've known that every once in a while the guy tried to send her naked pictures... I would say that he didnt, but i read the texs and saw he wanted to do it.


Ya, "friends" 





> Today i read a normal thing... Without the guy trying to do that...
> So... Should i be worry? Should i confront her?


Well that's up to you. If you can handle her being in contact with a guy she had some sort of designs on and traded naked pics back and forth, and with a guy that still wants to send her some pics, then don't confront.

I wouldn't put up with it if I were you, however.




> She has been clear with this guy about our relationship...


Uh huh, while keeping him as an option.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

City1 said:


> What if she was ok about me talking to my ex and said that she trust me?


She wouldn't be if she had any sense. She wouldn't be ok with you talking to a woman you had been intimate with, texted nude photos, and still wants to text nude photos.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Ok, enough of what TAMmers are thinking..

C1, what are your thoughts about all this now. What are your plans..?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Ripper said:


> OP is having to "work" for his sexual relationship with this woman, while her "friend" got free no strings attached sex and complimentary nude pics.


:iagree:

(This also directly applies to the thread "You did it for other men, but not me")


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> Are you afraid she is the last girl in the world ?
> 
> If not, set your boundries make sure she don't cross them.
> 
> Oh, and she's not !!


:iagree:
If City (or any of us) want to be treated right then we have to speak up and say what we aren't going to accept in a relationship. It's not controlling because she doesn't have to accept it and the relationship and end with a irreconcilable difference.

This one's easy. Being buddy/buddy with the ex is something most people wouldn't deal with when their relationship gets exclusive. City if you're too afraid to set a boundary on this then you've already lost.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

City1 said:


> Thanks guys... Well i confronted her in a way and yes... She said that im pushing her away... That im been jelous and controling...
> We have a good relationship, its just that i dont like that she keeps talking to this guy , its not everyday, its random, she told him that she was in a relationship withme but i feel that the guy is trying something. i didnt tell her i saw the pics, and she denied that they had something in the past...


Tell her it's something you're not willing to deal with but you don't want to control her. It's her choice to respect your boundary or you guys can take a break.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

City1 said:


> Yes, i think the guy is trying to make a move. When i talked to her about all this she said that i have to trust her, that she was with me but she want to keep this friendship relationship because she know him form a long time


Your indecisiveness is telling. You say you think he's making a move but it's obvious that you, him, her, and us all know it's trying to make a move. That's what sexting with her is. So get it in your head that he is making a move and she does like it.

'Trust her' means she likes the attention and doesn't want you to mess it up. Or it potentially means that she doesn't trust her relationship with you and needs to keep him for plan B. Either way history and logic says you and her being exclusive doesn't work with her having a friend flirting with her.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

City1 said:


> Well, they were never a couple ... They were just friends who had a sexual past, i dont know if that makes a difference...
> Not really a difference either way.
> 
> 
> ...


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

City1 said:


> What if she was ok about me talking to my ex and said that she trust me?


That's exactly what she'd say because it's a hypothetical question that supports an argument she's already made.


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Well... I think there's nothing much to do but to talk to her and let her know all my concerns. 
I think I should wait next time they are texting and then , there I'll speak up and tell her everything because I will confront her
And I'll say everything I know... Maybe I'm wrong for wanting to wait till that moment but I think it's better that way that to sart 
Talking of that out of the blue...

She doesn't know I read all that and to be honest it didn't feel good about snooping cause it is invasion 
Of privacy so I don't know If she will be upset because I did that but at the end it all goes to what it is happening.
If things don't go th way I hope they go I might just say if you want to keep him as your friend you can do thy but you won't have me 
As a boyfriend ... And well... See what happens next... 
Everything is really good in our relationship ... Just this small thing ...yeah... I mean they rarely talk am I overreacting?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

City1 said:


> Well... I think there's nothing much to do but to talk to her and let her know all my concerns.
> I think I should wait next time they are texting and then , there I'll speak up and tell her everything because I will confront her
> And I'll say everything I know... Maybe I'm wrong for wanting to wait till that moment but I think it's better that way that to sart
> Talking of that out of the blue...
> ...


It's only unfortunate that the conversation left off with uncertainty (I presume). You said you don't like it and she said you should trust me. That leaves room for at least two interpretations. IMO saying this isn't going to work would not be an overreaction on your part. It really is not controlling because she has a choice. It's merely personal boundaries.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

City1 said:


> Well... I think there's nothing much to do but to talk to her and let her know all my concerns.
> I think I should wait next time they are texting and then , there I'll speak up and tell her everything because I will confront her
> And I'll say everything I know... Maybe I'm wrong for wanting to wait till that moment but I think it's better that way that to sart
> Talking of that out of the blue...
> ...


:banghead:

You're not overreacting. You're being a doormat.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Ripper said:


> OP is having to "work" for his sexual relationship with this woman, while her "friend" got free no strings attached sex and complimentary nude pics.
> 
> That alone should be enough to take her out of the long term relationship category.
> 
> OP, next this chick and move on to one worth your time.


The problem is that she's pushing boundaries (sh!t testing) and City isn't passing the tests. She's testing his medal and he doesn't know it.

Her having a f-buddy in her past is a minor detail. Him leaving the door open for her to keep her f-buddy is a big problem. A woman like this needs a guy who knows what he wants, says what he means and follows through with what he says. City may not be the man that will settle her down.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> The problem is that she's pushing boundaries (sh!t testing) and City isn't passing the tests. She's testing his medal and he doesn't know it.


City, back in the day, there was a young woman whom I dated that did basically the same type of thing (except no cell phone - only the mega rich had them back then). We were also exclusive.

One night she told me she was going to go over to said friends house for the weekend. I had nothing to worry about because I should trust her.

My response was "I trust you". She was all smiles, until I started packing up all my crap and loaded it into my car.

She begged and cried and pleaded to get an answer from me as to what I was doing. Made a real scene.

Once I had packed up everything (I was staying at her place), I told her that I have no issues with her going to her friends place for the weekend. I trust her completely. However, we were through. (1) You're not going to sh!t test me (2) I am not going to "that" boyfriend whose girlfriend treats like a doormat. I refuse. By planning to go over to said friend's house for the weekend, it shows that there is no we.

Got into my car and that was that - never looked back.

You need to put a line in the sand *NOW*. Next time she's texting him, smile, give her a hug, then let her know that that you're done. People in exclusive relationships don't do what she is doing. She can have him, you're just no long going to be with her.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

snerg said:


> City, back in the day, there was a young woman whom I dated that did basically the same type of thing (except no cell phone - only the mega rich had them back then). We were also exclusive.
> 
> One night she told me she was going to go over to said friends house for the weekend. I had nothing to worry about because I should trust her.
> 
> ...


I kind of did the same thing to my ex-wife before we had married.

We had been living together for a year and a half. One day she tells me that her ex-bf and her had a bet, after they had split up(before she had met me). That whom ever of the two got married first had to pay the other $100.

Well apparently she had read in the wedding announcements of the local news paper(she always read those and the obit's) that he was getting hitched. She wanted to know if it was o.k. to meet him for lunch on Saturday, so she could collect the bet.

I said "Sure" and proceeded to pick up the phone. I dialed 411 and asked for the phone number of Tammy Pxxxxxxxx(my ex-GF from right before my ex).

She yanked the phone out of my hand and screamed "What the hell are you doing!". I said, I'm going to make a lunch date with Tammy(she hated Tammy ) for the same time that you'll be meeting your ex-BF. She wasn't amused.

She told me it was not the same, because she was just collecting the $100 and I was going on a "date". So I said "So I can't call Tammy?". She said not if you want to stay together with me(did I mention that she hated Tammy?).

I said "O.K." and started packing my clothes. She was bawling while hanging on to my legs as I tried to walk out the door. I looked down at her and said "Do you still think that the $100 is worth it?". She said "NO!".

I asked her "Before I unpacked my cloths, I need to hear you say that you know that I WILL leave you if I EVER find out that you met this clown. At anytime, or any place, EVER!". She said it and kissed my a$$ for weeks after that.

I thought I had heard the last of it, but she had told her Sister, who then told their Mother about it. Her Mother was about as p1ssed as I'd ever seen her. I still miss my ex-MIL.


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

snerg said:


> City, back in the day, there was a young woman whom I dated that did basically the same type of thing (except no cell phone - only the mega rich had them back then). We were also exclusive.
> 
> One night she told me she was going to go over to said friends house for the weekend. I had nothing to worry about because I should trust her.
> 
> ...


1 what is a sh1t test?
2 yes, i understand completley and that is what i had in mind, next time i see her texting him , i would tell her all the things i know, and tell her that if she keeps contact with this guy im out, and if she stills want to have contact with him, or doesnt want to stop talking, ill just start packing and leave.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

No, I think you should wait until he bangs her. Then voice your concerns to her and tell her you don't like another man but you banging her.
I'm sure she'll tell you that you have nothing to worry about and you're better than him in every way..


How big is that mat near your door?


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

City1 said:


> 1 what is a sh1t test?
> 2 yes, i understand completley and that is what i had in mind, next time i see her texting him , i would tell her all the things i know, and tell her that if she keeps contact with this guy im out, and if she stills want to have contact with him, or doesnt want to stop talking, ill just start packing and leave.



Allow me to correct you on this statment:

_and if she stills want to have contact with him, or doesnt want to stop talking, ill just start packing and leave._

into this:

Ok, tell your friend I say hello, and I'm telling you GOODBYE
pack and leave and don't look back.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

City1 said:


> 1 what is a sh1t test?
> .


Sometimes called a fitness test, you can google it.

A woman will test you in her area of her insecurity. She may cross a boundary just to see if you are strong enough to maintain it.

you pass the test by not giving in, no whining, no begging, no anger, you show style and a sence of humor if you can, Its all about confidence.

When she knows you will not back down she settles down, at least for a while and actually feels more secure and is more attracted to you.

You are a take charge no gameplaying man.
Add in some sensitivity and you will win a womans heart.

Fail the tests and she loses respect and sexual attraction for you.

Look it up.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

City1 said:


> 1 what is a sh1t test?
> 2 yes, i understand completley and that is what i had in mind, next time i see her texting him , i would tell her all the things i know, and tell her that if she keeps contact with this guy im out, and if she stills want to have contact with him, or doesnt want to stop talking, ill just start packing and leave.


A sh*t test is what women do to test their man to see if he is strong enough to keep her contained. Women don't even know they do it, usually. It's just a basic psychological need of women to know their man is strong. Because she has to respect her man (think caveman times); if she loses respect for him, she either leaves him, cheats, or makes his life a living hell for not standing up to her.

And I highly doubt you intend to leave her. 

And your #2 is NOT what we are telling you to do. You do NOT wait until she contacts him. You calmly tell her right now that you've thought about it and you have decided she's free to contact this guy but know that if she does, you will be packing and leaving. That's called a boundary (don't contact him) and a consequence (you leave if she does). She's free to contact him, you won't control her, but then she will reap the reward - losing you. Her choice.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

City1 said:


> 1 what is a sh1t test?
> 2 yes, i understand completley and that is what i had in mind, next time i see her texting him , i would tell her all the things i know, and tell her that if she keeps contact with this guy im out, and if she stills want to have contact with him, or doesnt want to stop talking, ill just start packing and leave.


I would bring it up before it happens again so you're less emotional about it. 

Again you take your beating for snooping but she will have to take hers as well. Plus you snooped because you were suspicious.

Look it seems you are young and don't get some of this stuff and it is understandable. 

Simply look at what YOU WANT out of this relationship.. What YOU NEED out of this relationship to work for you.. 

Express what YOU NEED and WANT to her for this to work. Plain and simple.. 

She might come back with her own wants and needs. If you feel they are unrealistic or not obtainable then move on. Trust me I know/We know its hard.. 

One of her comments will be I need you not to snoop and trust me. Of course be ready with you need to act like I can trust you.. 

DO NOT let this become which came first the chicken or the egg scenario. 

Trust me my G.F. tells me all the time, *" I have on friends"*.. 

I tell her you have no GUY Friends, boohoo.. Deal with it.. Move on and find yourself some appropriate female friends.

Trust me when I say this, only when I decided to walk away because of these guy friends did she come around.. Beyond that it was a constant battle of wills. Only when I said enough is enough did it get fixed.. 

When I tell you it was Fvck you and your guy friends.. I'm done with this ****.. It was just like that.. She was in her hallway blocking me from leaving her building asking me to come back into her apt to talk.. 

You need to be a man of conviction.. You need to let her know you will not share her with anyone and that you will NOT be second place or competing for first place with ANYONE....


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

City1 said:


> Thanks guys... Well i confronted her in a way and yes... She said that im pushing her away... That im been jelous and controling...


She is gaslighting you. Get rid of her.




> We have a good relationship


No, you don't. You have a girlfriend that wants to stay in contact with someone she was intimate with and that still has designs on her, and trying to make you into some sort of jerk because of her inappropriate behavior.

Get rid of her.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

snerg said:


> City, back in the day, there was a young woman whom I dated that did basically the same type of thing.
> .
> .
> Got into my car and that was that - never looked back.





GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I kind of did the same thing to my ex-wife before we had married.
> .
> .
> .
> I said "O.K." and started packing my clothes. She was bawling while hanging on to my legs as I tried to walk out the door. I looked down at her and said "Do you still think that the $100 is worth it?". She said "NO!".


:smnotworthy:

I wish I'd had male role models in my life like you two when I was growing up. There was one event before the wedding when I should have pulled the plug the way both of you did.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> The problem is that she's pushing boundaries (sh!t testing) and City isn't passing the tests. She's testing his medal and he doesn't know it.
> 
> Her having a f-buddy in her past is a minor detail. Him leaving the door open for her to keep her f-buddy is a big problem. A woman like this needs a guy who knows what he wants, says what he means and follows through with what he says. City may not be the man that will settle her down.


I wonder if this is a Beta test rather than a sh1t test. Is she seeing how Beta he will be to the ex f-buddy? This puts her in a position of power over both men in some ways, but certainly over City1. She gets to keep f-buddy as a toy when she wants, and she keeps City1 for her financial support, for social respectability, for stability, etc.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Hence City1s screaming need to read MMSLP and grow a decent, balanced pair.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

And C1, 

You simply cannot please a woman by pleasing her. That will piss her off. Be a man, be in control and know when to hold her and know when to let her go.

She's way past dropping. Now she's rotting on you. That's why you're here. Cut her loose to compost herself.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

City,

How many times might she have contact with him before you find out again? Talk to her now. You're just making excuses to delay what you need to do.

When you do talk to her, be calm. Be friendly. Be confident. Tell her I can't control what you do and I'm not trying to. I can only control what I accept from you. And I just can't accept your continued contact with X, knowing what I know, when we're in an exclusive relationship. If you choose not to end contact with him, I understand and will respect your choice; but I can't stay.

If she balks at the snooping; Tell her that you were suspicious and you don't feel the need to apologize since those suspicions were confirmed.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

City1 said:


> 1 what is a sh1t test?
> 2 yes, i understand completley and that is what i had in mind, next time i see her texting him , i would tell her all the things i know, and tell her that if she keeps contact with this guy im out, and if she stills want to have contact with him, or doesnt want to stop talking, ill just start packing and leave.


I think it's just human nature and all of us do it do some degree.

It's a test of how you deal with sh!tty treatment. If you're treated with less respect than you deserve then how you defend your principles will be noticed and will either make you seem confident or weak. Sometimes it's intentional (insecurity) but I think it's mostly human nature to test boundaries. No matter it's damaging either way if you fail the test. 

Think of a spouse flirting with someone in front of their spouse. Think of the eye roles and snide remarks. Think of keeping in touch with an ex the other spouse doesn't want you to.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Thor said:


> I wonder if this is a Beta test rather than a sh1t test. Is she seeing how Beta he will be to the ex f-buddy? This puts her in a position of power over both men in some ways, but certainly over City1. She gets to keep f-buddy as a toy when she wants, and she keeps City1 for her financial support, for social respectability, for stability, etc.


Beta test seems ambiguous to me so I don't know. But I don't think the motives or label matter so much as the fact that City has an opportunity to learn how to set a boundary and I think he should. He also has the opportunity to submit to fear or buy a politically correct argument.


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## City1 (Jul 23, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> Beta test seems ambiguous to me so I don't know. But I don't think the motives or label matter so much as the fact that City has an opportunity to learn how to set a boundary and I think he should. He also has the opportunity to submit to fear or buy a politically correct argument.


politically correct argument? 
What do you mean by that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> Beta test seems ambiguous to me so I don't know. But I don't think the motives or label matter so much as the fact that City has an opportunity to learn how to set a boundary and I think he should. He also has the opportunity to submit to fear or buy a politically correct argument.


To me a sh1t test or fitness test is given with the hope the man passes by standing up for himself. She wants him to be strong and be her rock. This is a healthy situation.

A Beta test is given with the hope the man fails by allowing himself to be subjugated by her, placing his station below that of another man (the Alpha). This allows her to cake eat, having the Alpha for her animal desires while keeping the Beta for her other needs (money, social standing, public appearance, family acceptance, etc). This is a power play by her, establishing her power or dominance in the relationship. It is also a twisted pleasure play, where she gets to have her treats (sex perhaps, EA, perhaps, or at least the thrill of keeping the bad boy/alpha in reach).


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

City1 said:


> politically correct argument?
> What do you mean by that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In this case PC says you are supposed to have unconditional trust and unconditional love. PC says a relationship boundary is controlling and by not trusting her completely that you're insecure and jealous. 

Those miss the point though. This is about you and what you're willing to accept in a relationship. It's reasonable to expect her to stop texting her ex if you say you don't like it. Life is too short to be with someone who makes you suspicious. It means either the partner or the behavior has to change. You set the boundary and then it's her choice.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the mmslp book linked to below. You can download it at amazon immediately.

This is a relationship book that isn't politically correct. Relationships,no matter what modern media purports, are basically biological.

Go read the reviews. The other book linked to below is something you can show your girlfriend with views on exes. NOT JUST FRIENDS is the definitive book on affairs and how they start.


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