# My ex ww is a free range chicken...



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My youngest son appears to be getting his ducks in a row, or at least making sure the door is open to come live with my wife and I rather than his mother.

A few weeks ago, he texted me asking if I would let him come live with me, and of course I said yes. I asked him why, and he began to give a little insight into his home life with his mother, and the OM...

My ex wife and the OM get into frequent fights, she has "moved out" several times over the past few months, but has always gone back when the OM apologizes and really starts to make the changes he needs to make. They have finally set a wedding date which so happens to be the same date that my wife and I got married. My ex didn't want a fancy engagement ring, instead she just wanted a new house they could call home. After the OM put his house up for sale, they got into it again, and he kicked my ex out, and she dragged my son six hours down the interstate before turning around and going back because the OM grovelled enough. His big sin that started the fight was that he didn't ask her what was wrong after she had a hard day. My ex has gone back to part time yoga teaching because she missed the attention from the men. The OM has fallen into arrears with his own child support, and he cashed in his retirement account to buy the house for my ex.

Yep, my ex is a free range chicken...it's what she does.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

How old is your son that he knows all this?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SecondTime'Round said:


> How old is your son that he knows all this?


He's a very perceptive 14 year old and in eighth grade. From a logistical point of view, it's the perfect time for me to try and get full custody. He is old enough to have his wants considered by the courts, and will be changing schools from middle to high school any way, so that concern is off the table.

His mother is diagnosed NPD, and he has pretty much figured her out all on his own. These past few weeks are the first time since the divorce that the conversation has gone to his mother at all. She had been a complete non entity.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Look after your son and be the best possible dad and role model that you can be. 

It sounds like he is perceptive enough to recognize that he is not in a healthy environment. 


your xww sounds like a real winner. Unfortunately you do have to cop aren't with her. Aside from that be glad she is not your problem anymore. Sounds like her new man is getting what he deserves


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Free range chicken......
:rofl::rofl:

And as funny as that is, its so sad that your DS has to put up with that kind of life. Try hard to get custody, it will make his teen years so much more palatable, and a darn bit healthier for him.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Oh, he is perceptive, and he does see her for who she is. I think he has managed a fair level of emotional separation and has learned not to take her personally.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

lmao...love the thread title.

Sorry you and your son are having to dealing with this level of wackiness.

If you can get him completely away from that nonsense, its for the best.

And I certainly hope POSOM is enjoying his ride on the crazy train.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> lmao...love the thread title.
> 
> Sorry you and your son are having to dealing with this level of wackiness.
> 
> ...


My wife has asked me if I feel even a bit bad for him, because she does in a way. Nope. Not a bit.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> My wife has asked me if I feel even a bit bad for him, because she does in a way. Nope. Not a bit.


I agree...screw him.

I'm not religious anymore, but there are still some verses and quotes I love to use because they are such sparkling pieces of human wisdom.

"You reap what you sow."

So appropriate for what this scumbag is going through right now.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry if I hurt you or something like that,but your exwife deserved it. Even if they got married that will not last long.


Your son is a big boy and seem smart to me


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Skankenstein's Monster...

She actually told you she feels sorry for her boyfriend for putting up with the way she treats him? 

Really? 





Wow.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Locke.Stratos said:


> His (current) wife asked him if he felt bad for his ex wife's boyfriend/ the other man.


Oh....okay...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> They have finally set a wedding date which so happens to be the same date that my wife and I got married.


Do you think your ex-w knows this? Just curious if it means anything.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

intheory said:


> Lessons in Narcissism 101.
> 
> She knows it will attract samyeagar's attention. It is a (now futile) way to try and make samyeagar jealous; yes, you heard that right.
> 
> ...


I think he means that it's the same day on which he and his _current_ wife married.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yeah it sure does seem to be an NPD thing, if she knows that's his current anniversary. She might not though I don't think he said if she did or not.

What a piece of work, regardless.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yeah it sure does seem to be an NPD thing, if she knows that's his current anniversary. She might not though I don't think he said if she did or not.
> 
> What a piece of work, regardless.


Oh, she knows exactly what day it is that she is getting married on. It was on the Saturday of a weekend that I did not have my time with the kids, and I tried and failed to get an exception made so the kids could be there for just a couple of hours.

I can very honestly say that it is something that makes absolutely no difference to me. I already got the alimony terminated, so I really could give two sh1ts when she gets married. I am just as certain however, that in her mind, in her reality, she picked that date intentionally, and has constructed some sort of emotional revenge scenario where she will be able to feed off of the perceived emotional torture it will cause me.

To take it one step further, it is very coincidentally my weekend to have my son, and it kind of puts me into a catch 22. If I refuse to give up my parenting time and not let him be there, I am feeding into her victim complex, as well as playing into the bitter vengeful ex husband role. Her past behavior, doing the exact same thing to me will never even enter her mind. If I say sure, he can go, it will be perceived by her as a victory over me by getting what she wanted, that I am still emotionally attached to her because I gave in. She would never consider that fact that maybe it's because I'm just not a d1ck.

This is a classic textbook example of what narcissists do. They are masters at creating no win scenarios for their targets, rather a lose a little or lose a lot scenario. The target only has to choose how much damage control they want to do when it's over. They always get something out of it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sam, leave the choice to your son.

Based on what you've said thus far, he may very well decide that he doesn't want to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My ex wasn't NPD (he had other baggage from the wacko department), but is there a downside to letting your son go, despite the fact that she will think she has some "victory" over you? Is that something that will make your life or your son's life that much worse v. more of the same?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Sam, leave the choice to your son.
> 
> Based on what you've said thus far, he may very well decide that he doesn't want to go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And this is the sick and twisted part of it. If he doesn't go, there will be emotional hell to pay for him She will guilt trip him to high heaven. My guess is that she is going to up the ante with that a bit and declare him one of the groomsmen or otherwise involve him.

Oh, he will likely end up going whether he really wants to or not. He is getting very good at recognizing the no win scenario and picking the one that is the least bad for him.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> *Skankenstein's Monster...*
> 
> She actually told you she feels sorry for her boyfriend for putting up with the way she treats him?
> 
> ...


*I had absolutely no earthly idea that my RSXW had turned herself into a "yoga instructor!"

I reckon that that pelvic region of hers just needed a plethora of good yogic massage that she just couldn't get anywhere!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Your exWW is typical of the women on Loveshack's OW section. Especially the women who "win" the prize, getting their OM to abandon his family so they can steal a new husband. They are all about themselves and dam everyone else. Destroy their Kids world? Decimate the retirement savings they built over decades together. None of these matter. They must be happy with their soulmate they met on internet a few months earlier.

At this stage in his life, your son needs to live with you. He needs stability and most of all, he needs fatherly guidance that no other man can give. We all know, most men instinctively doesn't want to take care of another man's kids.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *I had absolutely no earthly idea that my RSXW had turned herself into a "yoga instructor!"
> 
> I reckon that that pelvic region of hers just needed a plethora of good yogic massage that she just couldn't get anywhere!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But only part-time.... don't get too excited.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jsmart said:


> Your exWW is typical of the women on Loveshack's OW section. Especially the women who "win" the prize, getting their OM to abandon his family so they can steal a new husband. They are all about themselves and dam everyone else. Destroy their Kids world? Decimate the retirement savings they built over decades together. None of these matter. *They must be happy with their soulmate they met on internet a few months earlier*.
> 
> At this stage in his life, your son needs to live with you. He needs stability and most of all, he needs fatherly guidance that no other man can give. We all know, most men instinctively doesn't want to take care of another man's kids.


Well, in this case, it was my son's fourth grade teacher whose wife left him for another woman several years earlier. Their involvement started when she was volunteering in the classroom.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> But only part-time.... don't get too excited.


*Granted, that RSXW of mine could absolutely find ten times more male hands to massage that nasty pelvic region of hers, even as a part-time yoga instructor, than most other women could get from being a full tenured professor of "the yoga!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> My ex wasn't NPD (he had other baggage from the wacko department), but is there a downside to letting your son go, despite the fact that she will think she has some "victory" over you? Is that something that will make your life or your son's life that much worse v. more of the same?


What makes dealing with someone who is a true narcissist so difficult is getting into the mindset that things that make sense in dealing with normal people, at best simply don't work with a narc. More often, it makes the situation worse.

I think the best way to describe dealing with a true narcissist would be like coming home from work and walking through the house into the bedroom, and seeing a fire in the trash can beside the bed. You grab a bucket of water to put it out, only to realize too late that it is the most cleverly disguised grease fire you've ever seen. Instead of the fire going out, your house is now burning down around you with no clear or easy way out.

That analogy works on several levels. A normal person wouldn't think in a million years that there would be a grease fire in the bedroom. Those happen in the kitchen. Even if you could convince others around you that it actually was a grease fire in the bedroom trash can, the next question they ask is why in the hell did you have a trash can full of grease in there in the first place, and they won't believe you when you tell them you have no idea. A narcissist will walk like a duck, and quack like a duck, but will bite you like a pit viper.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Having a diagnosed NPD ex myself, I totally get the situation you are in with the wedding and the fact she set it for the date you got married AND the weekend with your son. For her that's win-win. Arrange for him to go. You know it doesn't make a big difference to you WHAT she thinks. Let her think she *won*. Whatever. No skin off your back. Sure, it's your weekend but the act protects your son by keeping him out of her target zone. And as you said, she's likely to put him in the wedding party just to make SURE he comes. He doesn't have to stay, he just has to go. 

It took my daughter a bit longer as my ex alienated her and enmeshed their personalities - he really used her to feed his narc need and used her to try to get revenge on me. She finally sees him for what he is - actually last year was her real epiphany. It's great your son is one step ahead. Like your son, my D knows when it's best to just go along and not become a target for ex's victimhood.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> And this is the sick and twisted part of it. If he doesn't go, there will be emotional hell to pay for him She will guilt trip him to high heaven. My guess is that she is going to up the ante with that a bit and declare him one of the groomsmen or otherwise involve him.
> 
> Oh, he will likely end up going whether he really wants to or not. He is getting very good at recognizing the no win scenario and picking the one that is the least bad for him.


Has he asked you for your thoughts on the matter at all?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Locke.Stratos said:


> Oooh, so many options. Narcissits are actually pretty easy to mess with and manipulate.
> 
> It's wise to disengage and not be bothered but I'd be so tempted to have some fun with this. If you pretend that you're uber happy and excited that you'll be sharing the same anniversary or *attend her wedding with your son if he ends up having to go and have a blast, then she'll have nothing.*
> 
> Narcissits will be the way that they are and there's not much one can do to affect that, so no reason to concern one's self with any of that nonsense, might as well find fun and amusement with it if you're able to.


No...what I see as more likely is her calling the police to have me forcibly removed as an uninvited guest. That in turn will validate her thoughts that I am out of control, unfit parent, that would likely make it a lengthier fight getting custody. As of right now, my behavior has been absolutely beyond reproach. I'm not going to endanger that track record by becoming emotionally vested in her again. Once was enough.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Having a diagnosed NPD ex myself, I totally get the situation you are in with the wedding and the fact she set it for the date you got married AND the weekend with your son. For her that's win-win. Arrange for him to go. You know it doesn't make a big difference to you WHAT she thinks. Let her think she *won*. Whatever. No skin off your back. Sure, it's your weekend but the act protects your son by keeping him out of her target zone. And as you said, she's likely to put him in the wedding party just to make SURE he comes. He doesn't have to stay, he just has to go.
> 
> It took my daughter a bit longer as my ex alienated her and enmeshed their personalities - he really used her to feed his narc need and used her to try to get revenge on me. She finally sees him for what he is - actually last year was her real epiphany. It's great your son is one step ahead. Like your son, my D knows when it's best to just go along and not become a target for ex's victimhood.


Oh, absolutely, it's pretty much a no brainer that he's going to go. It's the option with the least possible fall out.

ETA: The wedding is also not until June 2016 so a lot can change between now and then...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Judging by what the OM is going thru and what he is about to go thru, it reminds me of the old joke:

Q: What is the worst thing that you can do to the guy who steals your wife?

A: Let him have her!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Oh, absolutely, it's pretty much a no brainer that he's going to go. It's the option with the least possible fall out.
> 
> ETA: The wedding is also not until June 2016 so a lot can change between now and then...


Buy him some Nestle's chocolate cookie dough, knead it into a couple of turds, put them in a bag and he can hide them in his pocket and toss them in the punch bowl at the reception. 


That's always a fun one.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I've spoken before about my friend & old neighbor who has custody of all of HIS children. He was single when the judge ruled for him! You have the advantage of having a lovely, compassionate lady in your life now. I know it's a hard, exhausting, often crazy battle but it's the best thing for your son. Carry on trying to keep your head down to avoid the crazy. Carry on being the very best Dad you can be. Carry on loving a lady who's so kind that she feels for those who don't deserve her thoughts...I'm sure everything will work out for the best for your lovely new family.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Oh, absolutely, it's pretty much a no brainer that he's going to go. It's the option with the least possible fall out.
> 
> ETA: The wedding is also not until June 2016 so a lot can change between now and then...


I do think the odds of the soulmates making it to June are going to be slim. This will of course be your fault somehow.....


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Go ahead and let her have HER wedding day...

...you've got YOURS!


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