# Weight gain - post menopausal



## Luvher4life

I was wondering if weight gain is common during and after menopause. My wife is more concerned about it than I am, but she has gained some weight in her arms, to her belly, and elsewhere, which affects her self-image adversely. I'm pretty sure this is due to hormonal changes. She is 50. Her self-image has plummeted since this recent weight gain. She has always been very attractive and curvy, and this has taken a toll on her.

Have any of you ladies been through this? Is there anything that can be done about it? What kind of doctor do you see? What kind of treatments are available, etc.?

I'm just trying to help my wife because she has been fretting about this for a year or so, and doesn't know where to turn. She doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk to her gynecologist about this, even though she has brought it up. He said it was "normal", and didn't offer any suggestions.

Any help or suggestions would be appreciated...:frown2:


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## brooklynAnn

Yep, around the middle. It's kinda normal for that to happen because of hormones and producing less T. Ask the doc for a full blood work with hormones and thyroid check. Also, she might want to exercise and watch what she eats. the usual crap.

Aso, take a muti-vitamin.


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## karole

I'm experiencing weight gain around the middle now myself. I haven't changed my eating habits or my exercise routine, so it isn't due to eating too much or being sedentary, so I assume it's menopause related. I've never had a weight problem in my life and I hate this. I honestly don't know what to do about it. Getting old sucks.


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## Luvher4life

karole said:


> I'm experiencing weight gain around the middle now myself. I haven't changed my eating habits or my exercise routine, so it isn't due to eating too much or being sedentary, so I assume it's menopause related. I've never had a weight problem in my life and I hate this. I honestly don't know what to do about it. Getting old sucks.


Exactly. She has dieted, and although she doesn't have time to exercise regularly, she is definitely not sedentary. She also has never really had any weight problems. She was a size 1 to a size 2 when we met, and was a size 4 for a decade after our second child.

The arms and belly are her biggest concerns, and it is definitely affecting her adversely, which adversely affects us. I honestly don't care, but if she isn't happy I ain't happy.


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## thefam

Luvher4life said:


> Exactly. She has dieted, and although she doesn't have time to exercise regularly, she is definitely not sedentary. She also has never really had any weight problems. She was a size 1 to a size 2 when we met, and was a size 4 for a decade after our second child.
> 
> The arms and belly are her biggest concerns, and it is definitely affecting her adversely, which adversely affects us. I honestly don't care, but if she isn't happy I ain't happy.


My Mom experienced this and she has always been a voluptuous shapely woman. On the thick side but with great curves even after 3 children her belly has been pretty flat. When she started getting the belly fat, She cut back hard on carbs. She drives me crazy looking at the carbs in everything, and always telling us how high something is in carbs. She has always been a pretty active woman with raising 6 kids (starting off her marriage with my Dad's 3), running a day care, gardening, volunteering in the community, caring for elderly relatives. But she did implement an exercise program when she started getting fat in her belly, and yes, in her arms. She uses hand weights and has some dvds that she works out to. She looks GREAT now. I have never seen her with definition in her arms and it's just weird. LOL. I think she just really stopped her periods, though. Also weird for her age.


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## stephscarlett

It takes more effort. I do hot yoga and workout at least once a day - is she an exerciser? IT doesn't have to be hard - just a 20 minutes HIIT workout can work wonders...
Also, I do intermittent fasting and that has helped me a lot. Also, lifting weights - heavy.


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## karole

I wish I could offer advice, but I'm at a loss myself. I'm not a huge fitness nut either, but I'm very active and walk every day. I've never had weight problems either - until now, that is. I haven't gone through menopause yet, but I'm well on my way. I just hope this weight gain doesn't continue. I don't know what I will do if it does - I suppose starve myself. LOL


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## thefam

karole said:


> I wish I could offer advice, but I'm at a loss myself. I'm not a huge fitness nut either, but I'm very active and walk every day. I've never had weight problems either - until now, that is. I haven't gone through menopause yet, but I'm well on my way. I just hope this weight gain doesn't continue. I don't know what I will do if it does - I suppose starve myself. LOL


What about some light aerobics? My Mom was a walker also but she had to add some aerobics to keep the weight in check. Unlike @stephscarlett she did not have to add heavy weights, the hand weights did it for her. But I suppose every body type is different. 

Here is a link to a video my sister started doing because she hadn't exercised in years. I laughed her to scorn at this video, but she has started losing weight so I guess doing it consistently has paid off. She says it's only about 20 minutes with some stretching at the end; she doesn't do all of the stretching. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4YyCdTf9BM


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## Luvher4life

Have any of the ladies on here tried hormone replacement therapy (HRT)? Dieting and exercise hasn't helped her "shed" the extra weight, although it has helped minimize the gain of it. What kind of doctor do you have to go to to get bioidentical hormone replacement therapy? I've read about estriodol being bioidentical, and progesterone is also bioidentical. Any non-bioidentical hormones are dangerous, and can lead to increased risks of breast cancer, heart disease, etc., so those are not options.

It's tough to talk to my wife about it, even though it's for her own happiness and well-being. She takes it as me being critical of her, and that is most definitely NOT my intent. I just want her to be happy with herself. As the old saying goes, "Happy wife, happy life."


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## always_alone

Luvher4life said:


> It's tough to talk to my wife about it, even though it's for her own happiness and well-being. She takes it as me being critical of her, and that is most definitely NOT my intent. I just want her to be happy with herself. As the old saying goes, "Happy wife, happy life."


Maybe love her as she is instead of trying to fix her?

Nothing more depressing than having your lowest image of yourself confirmed at every turn. Not to mention all the difficult choices between potentially deadly "treatments" and anxiety over how good one looks.


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## Luvher4life

always_alone said:


> Maybe love her as she is instead of trying to fix her?
> 
> Nothing more depressing than having your lowest image of yourself confirmed at every turn. Not to mention all the difficult choices between potentially deadly "treatments" and anxiety over how good one looks.


Wow! That's completely out of left field. Did you even read my posts? NEVER have I dissed my wife because of this. She is the one who harps on it. I've never even mentioned it, because it never bothered me. I accept her for the way she is, and this little extra weight doesn't bother me in the least. It does not matter to me, but it bothers HER, which in turn bothers me. It's not about me at all. It's about her. I tell her every day how attracted I am to her, and I actually show her the same, but she insists I'm just saying these things to make her feel better when nothing could be further from the truth.


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## brooklynAnn

Who knows, if I get to a 12/14 I would be happy. I am between a 14 and 16. some days I am a 14 with room. I don't care anymore. I just keep doing my bike and some walking. I have also, started to use my H's bowflex. 

I swear I gained 20 lbs last year. It's all my DD's fault.:crying: I spent all summer with her cooking, eating, shopping and eating.

My H does not care if I am fat. He loves my butt:grin2:. But I don't want to get HBP. So, I am gonna keep on keeping on.

I am not going on HRT because my aunt was on that for 10 years and the menopause symptoms still didn't get better. The doc had to stop it.
So, I am going to bear as much as I can.


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## Luvher4life

Well, honestly, my wife went from a 4 to a 6 (on most clothes) about 5 or 6 years ago. Now, while she can still wear some of her old clothes that are 6, most of the new stuff are 8. The other day she got a size 10 dress for the first time. It was way too big on her, but that was probably the trigger for her latest emotional outburst. I just want her to be happy with herself. That's the ONLY motivation I have for even asking.

I have NEVER brought up any conversations about her weight. Those are convos she always initiates, and nothing I say is ever right. It's a tough thing to deal with. I hate to see her down on herself, or hurting in any way. If I could had a magic wand I would fix it for her.:frown2:


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## karole

I too have gone to a size 8 and now the 8s are getting too tight. I told myself there is NO WAY I am going up to a size 10; however, I may have to eat those words. I feel for your wife. I know how she feels.


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## always_alone

Luvher4life said:


> Wow! That's completely out of left field. Did you even read my posts? NEVER have I dissed my wife because of this. She is the one who harps on it. I've never even mentioned it, because it never bothered me. I accept her for the way she is, and this little extra weight doesn't bother me in the least. It does not matter to me, but it bothers HER, which in turn bothers me. It's not about me at all. It's about her. I tell her every day how attracted I am to her, and I actually show her the same, but she insists I'm just saying these things to make her feel better when nothing could be further from the truth.


I'm happy to hear that, but what I was responding to in particular was your statement that it is very difficult for you to talk to your wife about these things because she views you as being critical of her.

And so given this, my question is why have you jumped on the fixit bandwagon? Do you not trust her to make her own judgments on the desirability of HRT?

Lots of women have had excellent results with HRT, but there are also very real risks associated with it, and it can be very harmful.

Things like getting older and falling apart aren't actually things that can be fixed. Not really. They can only be managed. And so focusing on the fixes is likely to be sending her exactly the sort of message you are trying to avoid.


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## brooklynAnn

Luvher4life said:


> Well, honestly, my wife went from a 4 to a 6 (on most clothes) about 5 or 6 years ago. Now, while she can still wear some of her old clothes that are 6, most of the new stuff are 8. The other day she got a size 10 dress for the first time. It was way too big on her, but that was probably the trigger for her latest emotional outburst. I just want her to be happy with herself. That's the ONLY motivation I have for even asking.
> 
> I have NEVER brought up any conversations about her weight. Those are convos she always initiates, and nothing I say is ever right. It's a tough thing to deal with. I hate to see her down on herself, or hurting in any way. If I could had a magic wand I would fix it for her.:frown2:


I understand. Please know this has nothing to do with you. She is just reacting to all the changes in her life. My H will never tell me to lose weight or that I am fat. But looking at myself and knowing the truth is a different thing.

Her emotions are going to be all over the place if she is peri/memo. That is part of the gift. 

I really think she needs to see a doc and maybe even an endocrinologist. 
I don't think the BC are helping because at this time things get wacky as it is. Some people get heavy periods, light ones, some last for a week or more. Other just a few days. So, her moon cycle will change and be different from what she is used to.

Get this book. When I started on peri 10 years ago, it help quite a lot.
She is a great writer and I love her writing style. 

Wisdom of Menopause (Revised Edition): Creating Physical and Emotional Health During the Change by Christiane Northrup M.D.


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## Zanne

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## Luvher4life

always_alone said:


> I'm happy to hear that, but what I was responding to in particular was your statement that it is very difficult for you to talk to your wife about these things because she views you as being critical of her.


She is always the one to initiate any conversations about it. The reason it is very difficult to talk about is because there is nothing I can say about it that will be right in her mind. It's a catch-22 for the man in such conversations. If I make suggestions I'm agreeing with her. If I don't acknowledge her I'm also agreeing with her. See my conundrum?



always_alone said:


> And so given this, my question is why have you jumped on the fixit bandwagon? Do you not trust her to make her own judgments on the desirability of HRT?


I would rather have not "jumped on the fixit bandwagon" to be honest. I made an unavoidable mistake, in my opinion, by telling her that hormonal changes are probably a big part of the reason for the weight gain, and that some women get better results from HRT. I'm actually on TRT myself.



always_alone said:


> Lots of women have had excellent results with HRT, but there are also very real risks associated with it, and it can be very harmful.


I'm very aware of the risks. I have read up on it. The thing is, it can be just as harmful to NOT do something about it.



always_alone said:


> Things like getting older and falling apart aren't actually things that can be fixed. Not really. They can only be managed.


I know this. It sucks to be getting older, but the quality of life can still be just as good or better.



always_alone said:


> And so focusing on the fixes is likely to be sending her exactly the sort of message you are trying to avoid.


You now see my conundrum, right? I never have made any comments about the changes. She has, and nothing I can say will be right, unfortunately. What am I supposed to do? Give her the silent treatment? Walk away?

I've said many times, I am fine with her just the way she is, that she still turns me on like no other can, that she is extremely attractive, beautiful, and HOT, that I'll always be there for her as long as I am alive, that I love her with all of my heart, etc. I actually say some of these things daily, and all of it at least a couple of times a week.

I just want her to be happy is all. She is happy being with me, but she doesn't find herself attractive, and that breaks my heart.

I've told her "if only she could see herself through my eyes for a few minutes" all of her self-doubt would be eliminated...


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## always_alone

Luvher4life said:


> see my conundrum, right? I never have made any comments about the changes. She has, and nothing I can say will be right, unfortunately. What am I supposed to do? Give her the silent treatment? Walk away?


Yes, absolutely, I see your conundrum. So don't say anything, but go up to her, give her a big fat hug and/or smooch. 

I'm sure watching her go through this is not easy, so I get it. 

But at the same time, on her end, what she is going through it is not easy either. In a world that values women for their youth and beauty, it can be very hard to face the loss of both. Even if it is inevitable.

So sometimes she will feel bad about that. And there isn't a whole lot to be done about that, except to keep loving and supporting her.


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## Zanne

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## Luvher4life

always_alone said:


> Yes, absolutely, I see your conundrum. So don't say anything, but go up to her, give her a big fat hug and/or smooch.
> 
> I'm sure watching her go through this is not easy, so I get it.
> 
> But at the same time, on her end, what she is going through it is not easy either. In a world that values women for their youth and beauty, it can be very hard to face the loss of both. Even if it is inevitable.
> 
> So sometimes she will feel bad about that. And there isn't a whole lot to be done about that, except to keep loving and supporting her.


I have done what you said to do in your first paragraph many times. It's gotten me through a couple of those times without further comment, but eventually she demands input.

I know it's not easy for her, and it breaks my heart to see her going through this. She's still a beautiful woman inside and out.

I will always love her, and I will always be there for her as long as I am alive. I just want her to be completely happy. She is happy with me, just not herself right now.


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## Luvher4life

Zanne said:


> :iagree: Dr. Christiane Northrup is awesome! She also has a website: Dr. Christiane Northrup | Women's Health Expert, NYT Best-selling Author | Christiane Northrup, M.D. Lots of resources including videos on her website. I saw her PBS special Glorious Women Never Age and it was very motivating to me.
> 
> I am 48, starting to go through some perimenopause symptoms. I radically changed my diet and exercise a few years ago and it not only helped with peri symptoms, but also my autoimmune issues. We can't fight age, but we do have control over what we eat and how sedentary we choose to be. I'm actually in better shape now than my twenties! Back then, Mountain Dew and mini donuts was breakfast. I was thin but unhealthy. After the birth of my fifth child, I was at my biggest size, a size 16. Now I'm a size 6 which is where I was at before kids. The difference is that I can run a 5k now. No way that could have happened when I was 20! So youth isn't everything. Attitude goes a long way!


Wow! That's a cool story. What do I do? Suggest the book? Bear in mind that anything I say or suggest will be wrong...:|


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## Zanne

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## Luvher4life

Zanne said:


> True, you are in a delicate position. *I know you mean well, but you're a man*.
> 
> Maybe you could write it down on a slip of paper and tell her that you overheard the info on the radio or TV and (being honest) you know that she has been feeling down about these issues and thought it may help.
> 
> When I first heard about Dr. Christiane Northrup, I was flipping channels and saw her PBS special. She also does talks around the country. Maybe attending a motivational event like that would boost her spirits? It can be comforting hearing from other women that you're not alone and they are going through the same thing.
> 
> Otherwise, I do agree with other posters that she may have to sort through this time on her own while you continue as her supportive husband.


:grin2: I got a chuckle out of that. You are right, too. I'm pretty sure she took it wrong when I mentioned hormonal changes...:surprise: Note to self: You are a man, so you are always wrong!:|

Women are such delicate creatures... I sure do love them, though!:wink2:

I will find a way to make mention somehow...


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## Fitnessfan

stephscarlett said:


> It takes more effort. I do hot yoga and workout at least once a day - is she an exerciser? IT doesn't have to be hard - just a 20 minutes HIIT workout can work wonders...
> Also, I do intermittent fasting and that has helped me a lot. Also, lifting weights - heavy.


this works. totally agree!


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## Happilymarried25

Luvher4life said:


> Well, honestly, my wife went from a 4 to a 6 (on most clothes) about 5 or 6 years ago. Now, while she can still wear some of her old clothes that are 6, most of the new stuff are 8. The other day she got a size 10 dress for the first time. It was way too big on her, but that was probably the trigger for her latest emotional outburst. I just want her to be happy with herself. That's the ONLY motivation I have for even asking.
> 
> I have NEVER brought up any conversations about her weight. Those are convos she always initiates, and nothing I say is ever right. It's a tough thing to deal with. I hate to see her down on herself, or hurting in any way. If I could had a magic wand I would fix it for her.:frown2:


Your wife is not overweight. I would kill to be a size 8. It's great that you love her the way she is now she has to love herself the way she is because odds are she isn't going to get back into size 4 clothes no matter what she eats or how much she exercises. Just keep saying she is beautiful the size she is and hopefully she won't keep worrying about her extra weight.


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## always_alone

Luvher4life said:


> Note to self: You are a man, so you are always wrong!:|
> 
> Women are such delicate creatures... I sure do love them, though!:wink2:


IMHO, it has nothing to do with being a man, or judging all men to be wrong. Nor has it to do with women being delicate.

It has to do with facing a difficult and yet inexorable reality. 

Just buy her the book.


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## happy as a clam

As we age and our hormone levels drop we lose muscle which leads to weight gain.

Sarcopenia -- the loss of muscle as we age, is almost as devastating as osteoporosis which is the loss of bone. Each decade after age 30, adults can lose 3-5% of their total muscle (per decade) if they don't engage in resistance training like weightlifting and calisthenics. Aerobic exercise like walking, jogging, swimming, are not enough to counter this muscle loss. Still good for you, but not enough by itself.

3-5% muscle loss per decade doesn't sound like much at first, but by the time an adult is in their fifties they may have lost FIFTEEN PERCENT of their muscle! Since muscle is metabolically active and requires calories for fuel, the less muscle you have, the slower your metabolism is and the easier it is to replace with fat. 

Learn about sarcopenia and then see if she is interested in doing some resistance training. Muscle is crucial for holding up our bones as we age but is often overlooked. Strong healthy muscles are possible at any age and it's never too late to start.

Most of this muscle atrophy (followed by fat gain) can be completely avoided with adequate resistance training. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lukedog

It sounds very much like menopausal symptoms. She really should be talking to her gyno about it. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking to "him", then she should find a female gyno she is comfortable with. Read up on Menopause....there are many enlightening books at the book store and many articles on the internet to help explain things. Tell her to get a full hormonal blood workup done. There are many vitamins to take and many herbal supplements to take to help alleviate menopausal symptoms should she not choose HRT (synthetic hormone replacement). Weight gain during menopause is common and normal in women. Change diet and exercise. I will be 50 in May and have been going through peri-menopause symptoms for years. I am now fully post menopausal and couldn't be happier, although I have not enjoyed the weight gain either. It is a tough change for women...it's not easy. She needs to pay attention and take care of herself. Find the happy medium and what works for her. I did not want to do HRT so I took vitamins and herbal supplements and found what works for me. Good Luck!


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## Luvher4life

Thanks, Lukedog. It's just so hard to talk to her about it, let alone make suggestions. I come across, unintentionally, as having a problem with it. I honestly don't care, and that little extra doesn't detract from her attractiveness to me. I will have to wait until the next time she mentions it, I guess, before I make the suggestions brought up here. Should I go ahead and buy the book for her, knowing it might hurt her feelings?

I hate to see my wife do this to herself. She is busy all the time, and sits very little as it is. She does try and watch what she eats, exercises when she has "time". I guess prioritizing her time is not her best suit, but honestly I can't see where she would be able to work it in to her regular schedule. By the time she gets to bed each night she is exhausted.

For what it's worth, I am also very busy, having very little spare time. Busyness really is a problem for both of us. I am going to have to take the lead in this, find time for us to exercise, along with food suggestions, and vitamin/herbal supplements. We get up at 5-5:30 AM, get home after 6 every night, and there are at least 4 nights a week where we don't get home until after 8:30-9:30, and still haven't eaten. A lifestyle change will be extremely hard, but not impossible.


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## RainbowBrite

Look into bioidentical hormones. Have the tough conversations, accepting that they will be tough. Try to be patient. It's not so much your words that will be reassuring to her as your actions - keep being affectionate and showing desire for her. This is what she needs. Get all the info you can about bioidenticals too and read it yourself. It is really tough whether it is dealing with hormone changes in a woman or in a man. If you have a great marriage you'll get through it (and I know that you do), but I can see why so many marriages break up at midlife.


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## Anon Pink

After menopause, we need about 10% less calories. This means if we eat the same, exercise the same, we gain weight. Even worse, the older we get, the caloric intake needed to maintain weight continues to drop. THIS SUCKS! 

To maintain pre menopause weight we have to eat less because our bodies conserve energy in fat at a higher rate. Hormone replacement therapy will not fix this, though it will likely give us more energy in order to burn more calories.


Needless to say, I have gained weight this past year and I'm super angry about the injustice of it all! Frankly, I'm okay with my new curves but having to buy all new clothes is not something I look forward to.


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## RainbowBrite

Anon Pink said:


> To maintain pre menopause weight we have to eat less because our bodies conserve energy in fat at a higher rate. Hormone replacement therapy will not fix this, though it will likely give us more energy in order to burn more calories.


Are you sure that bioidenticals won't fix the extra weight issue? I was hoping that progesterone would address that one. I haven't taken any yet, but that's what I've read: estrogen makes you gain, progesterone balances it out and the two together have an effect on *where* on the body you carry any excess. 

I'd really love to hear experiences from those who've done bioidenticals.


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## Luvher4life

OliviaG said:


> Look into bioidentical hormones. Have the tough conversations, accepting that they will be tough. Try to be patient. It's not so much your words that will be reassuring to her as your actions - keep being affectionate and showing desire for her. This is what she needs. Get all the info you can about bioidenticals too and read it yourself. It is really tough whether it is dealing with hormone changes in a woman or in a man. If you have a great marriage you'll get through it (and I know that you do), but I can see why so many marriages break up at midlife.


I absolutely hate to have these conversations because it always puts her on the defensive, no matter how I approach it. Showing affection and desire for her is absolutely NOT a problem. I do that probably more than she wants as it is.:grin2: She knows I'll support her in any decision she makes. She is just so dadgum selfless that she doesn't want to spend money on herself. I tell her it's a necessity, but she still doesn't see it that way. I'd rather be broke and happy, than to be rich and not so happy. Of course, neither of those scenarios are going to be close to reality unless something drastic happens, but you get the point.

Our marriage is much stronger than this. We absolutely love each other, and have been through much worse than this. I just hate to see her beat herself up because of this. We'll get through this together.


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## kristin2349

OliviaG said:


> Are you sure that bioidenticals won't fix the extra weight issue? I was hoping that progesterone would address that one. I haven't taken any yet, but that's what I've read: estrogen makes you gain, progesterone balances it out and the two together have an effect on *where* on the body you carry any excess.
> 
> I'd really love to hear experiences from those who've done bioidenticals.



I use bioidentical progesterone. If you are estrogen dominant progesterone helps you lose weight. It also helps with hormonal food cravings. I'm in my mid 40's and still a size 0-2. I do watch what I eat (higher protein, healthy carbs, low sugar) 5 days a week and eat whatever I want on the weekends. I also work out with weights with a personal trainer. I think weight training has done more for my body than endless hours of cardio has ever done.


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## Luvher4life

OliviaG said:


> Are you sure that bioidenticals won't fix the extra weight issue? I was hoping that progesterone would address that one. I haven't taken any yet, but that's what I've read: estrogen makes you gain, progesterone balances it out and the two together have an effect on *where* on the body you carry any excess.
> 
> I'd really love to hear experiences from those who've done bioidenticals.


Not according to WebMD:

_"The impact of estrogen. In animal studies, estrogen appears to help control body weight. With lower estrogen levels, lab animals tend to eat more and be less physically active. Reduced estrogen may also lower metabolic rate, the rate at which the body converts stored energy into working energy. It's possible the same thing happens with women when estrogen levels drop after menopause. Some evidence suggests that estrogen hormone therapy increases a woman's resting metabolic rate . This might help slow weight gain. Lack of estrogen may also cause the body to use starches and blood sugar less effectively, which would increase fat storage and make it harder to lose weight."_

But here's an excerpt from an article from Fox News Heath:

_"While the goal of bioidentical HRT is to get your estrogen levels back up, which will help ward off the pounds, keep your bones strong and your heart healthy, it cannot be safely pursued unless progesterone is also prescribed. When speaking with your gynecologist, I recommend that you ask for estradiol, the most commonly prescribed bioidentical estrogen, through the skin, as well as micronized progesterone, a form that is the same as what your body produces naturally. These medications are available by prescription from your doctor. For a more personalized hormone therapy approach, you may consider seeing a hormone specialist with additional training in bioidentical hormone replacement therapy."_

It appears that both are required to maximize health benefits. It's just unfortunate that most insurance doesn't cover HRT, or at least not all of it.


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## Hope1964

I am 51, haven't had a period in almost 4 years and so am considered menopausal. I have steadily gained weight over the last 15 years or so and I hate it. And the older I get the harder it is to shed the pounds. In my 30's I just had to adjust things slightly and I'd see results. Now, I could fast for a week and maybe lose an ounce. It's so depressing.

I tried progesterone cream but recently stopped taking it because I decided I am not educated enough about the whole hormone thing to just blindly plaster cream on myself every day without really knowing what I'm doing. I found it wasn't really helping with my symptoms anyway - I took it for about 5 years. This is the one I took

ProgesterAll Natural Balancing Cream at Welcome to John Lee, M.D. Solutions

I have a sedentary job and find it challenging to keep active enough, especially in winter. I also quit smoking (again  ) at the beginning of this year, so that didn't help in the weight department.


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## Luvher4life

kristin2349 said:


> I use bioidentical progesterone. If you are estrogen dominant progesterone helps you lose weight. It also helps with hormonal food cravings. I'm in my mid 40's and still a size 0-2. I do watch what I eat (higher protein, healthy carbs, low sugar) 5 days a week and eat whatever I want on the weekends. I also work out with weights with a personal trainer. I think weight training has done more for my body than endless hours of cardio has ever done.


Finally! Somebody who is on HRT.:smile2:

I have definitely thought about making our store room into a mini gym. It's a 12' x 20' storage building, and wouldn't take that much work to make it into a mini gym. I would more likely exercise more if it were in my backyard, too. We can do this together. All I'll have to do is wire up the building, hook it up at the box above the RV plug, insulate it, put an air conditioner in it, buy some weights, a stereo, and I think I'll be done. It's doable, but we have to do something with the other things that are stored in it. I will discuss this with my wife.

I can see it now... "Honey, I'm going out to the gym.":grin2:

Our house is very roomy, but there is no way we're going to clutter it with exercise equipment. It may be a possibility if my eldest daughter gets married and a place of her own, but not now. There are no extra rooms at this time.


----------



## kristin2349

My trainer has a mobile gym with the weight machines bolted in, here is a link for an idea what it looks like:

Mobile Gym | Personal Trainers | Long Island - Inform Fitness

He also wrote a pretty good book called "The Power of 10", it is a great workout for women who have not worked out with weights before. I started with him only one day a week and now I work out with a trainer twice a week graduated to free weights. I also do yoga and pilates classes 3 days a week and walk when I can.


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## Anon Pink

OliviaG said:


> Are you sure that bioidenticals won't fix the extra weight issue? I was hoping that progesterone would address that one. I haven't taken any yet, but that's what I've read: estrogen makes you gain, progesterone balances it out and the two together have an effect on *where* on the body you carry any excess.
> 
> I'd really love to hear experiences from those who've done bioidenticals.


I'm on the estrogen patch and take progesterone each night. The patch gets changed every 3 days and after almost a year I have noticed several positive changes.

1. Return of the sex drive! Woohoo! It's not what it used to be but it's something rather than nothing. Actually, I think I am plain old responsive desire now. Before, I was always horny, always ready and wanting. Now I have to be "talked into it" but once that happens my body does what it's supposed to do which takes me to number 2.

2. I can orgasm again! Once my periods stopped, like that week, I had great difficulty orgasming. No matter what we tried, porn role play...you name it we tried it and I was lucky to get a little roller of an orgasm. Within a few days on the HRT, I could reliably orgasming once again.

3. A tad more vaginal lubrications during arousal/excitation. We always use coconut oil anyway so this is something I noticed when I masturbated.

4. Moods seem mostly stable. It's been a sad and volatile year so I'm pleasantly surprised I haven't been extremely moody (sad, *****y, sad, *****y isn't such a huge swing like it used to be.)

5. Sleeping better.

6. Not much difference in the energy department though. And I've gained weight. But again, it's been a sad and volatile year and when the going gets tough, I bulk up to whether the storm. You can tell when I'm happy because I'm losing weight.


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## Anon Pink

kristin2349 said:


> My trainer has a mobile gym with the weight machines bolted in, here is a link for an idea what it looks like:
> 
> Mobile Gym | Personal Trainers | Long Island - Inform Fitness
> 
> He also wrote a pretty good book called "The Power of 10", it is a great workout for women who have not worked out with weights before. I started with him only one day a week and now I work out with a trainer twice a week graduated to free weights. I also do yoga and pilates classes 3 days a week and walk when I can.


That's damn impressive!


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## RainbowBrite

Anon Pink said:


> I'm on the estrogen patch and take progesterone each night. The patch gets changed every 3 days and after almost a year I have noticed several positive changes.
> 
> 1. Return of the sex drive! Woohoo! It's not what it used to be but it's something rather than nothing. Actually, I think I am plain old responsive desire now. Before, I was always horny, always ready and wanting. Now I have to be "talked into it" but once that happens my body does what it's supposed to do which takes me to number 2.
> 
> 2. I can orgasm again! Once my periods stopped, like that week, I had great difficulty orgasming. No matter what we tried, porn role play...you name it we tried it and I was lucky to get a little roller of an orgasm. Within a few days on the HRT, I could reliably orgasming once again.
> 
> 3. A tad more vaginal lubrications during arousal/excitation. We always use coconut oil anyway so this is something I noticed when I masturbated.
> 
> 4. Moods seem mostly stable. It's been a sad and volatile year so I'm pleasantly surprised I haven't been extremely moody (sad, *****y, sad, *****y isn't such a huge swing like it used to be.)
> 
> 5. Sleeping better.
> 
> 6. Not much difference in the energy department though. And I've gained weight. But again, it's been a sad and volatile year and when the going gets tough, I bulk up to whether the storm. You can tell when I'm happy because I'm losing weight.


----------



## always_alone

​


Luvher4life said:


> For what it's worth, I am also very busy, having very little spare time. Busyness really is a problem for both of us. I am going to have to take the lead in this, find time for us to exercise, along with food suggestions, and vitamin/herbal supplements. We get up at 5-5:30 AM, get home after 6 every night, and there are at least 4 nights a week where we don't get home until after 8:30-9:30, and still haven't eaten. A lifestyle change will be extremely hard, but not impossible.


You know, one of the biggest factors in weight gain, depression and poor self esteem is lack of sleep.

Maybe a lifestyle change is exactly what is needed?


----------



## Anon Pink

OliviaG said:


> That's reassuring - I wonder if BHRT would give me back my multiples?
> 
> Are you not taking any testosterone?


No, my Gyn said my testosterone was at the higher end of normal for a woman. I picked this GYN specifically because she specialized in menopause. I told her my goal was to get my body back to being highly sexualized. I told her I had no sex drive and I wanted it back, and that I couldn't orgasm and that was totally unacceptable. So once my blood work came back with all my hormone levels we talked about HRT. 

Because I was concerned about the risks, she told me that HRT has a bad reputation based on one inaccurate study. She said the latest studies indicate that the sooner a woman goes on HRT balanced with progesterone the healthier she ends up being. The cancer and heart disease associated with HRT occurred in women who started taking HRT 10 or more years after menopause. Now it is recommended that IF a post menopausal woman needs/wants to address the symptom associated with menopause, she should start taking HRT within the first 1-3 years after the last period. I was 9 months post menstruation.


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## Anon Pink

always_alone said:


> ​
> You know, one of the biggest factors in weight gain, depression and poor self esteem is lack of sleep.
> 
> Maybe a lifestyle change is exactly what is needed?


This is TRUE! First order of health is getting restorative sleep.


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## RainbowBrite

Anon Pink said:


> No, my Gyn said my testosterone was at the higher end of normal for a woman. I picked this GYN specifically because she specialized in menopause. I told her my goal was to get my body back to being highly sexualized. I told her I had no sex drive and I wanted it back, and that I couldn't orgasm and that was totally unacceptable. So once my blood work came back with all my hormone levels we talked about HRT.
> 
> Because I was concerned about the risks, she told me that HRT has a bad reputation based on one inaccurate study. She said the latest studies indicate that the sooner a woman goes on HRT balanced with progesterone the healthier she ends up being. The cancer and heart disease associated with HRT occurred in women who started taking HRT 10 or more years after menopause. Now it is recommended that IF a post menopausal woman needs/wants to address the symptom associated with menopause, she should start taking HRT within the first 1-3 years after the last period. I was 9 months post menstruation.



Yes, I've read about that window of opportunity with regards to BHRT and have decided that I'm going to begin it. I may begin it before the last period - am getting blood tested today and have an appt. soon with the specialist to discuss. He's testing everything, testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, the three thyroid tests, CBC and a couple of nutritional things (B12 and ferritin, I think).

My issue with starting it now is twofold: I still have a nice figure (I could lose a few pounds though, have gained a few this year but am still not overweight) and I don't want it messing with my weight or screwing anything up in that regard. And secondly, I am unsure about how it will affect my drive, which is high now. If it turns it down a little that would probably be a good thing. If it turns it off, I won't be very happy. Sounds like maybe I don't have to worry about that though.


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## RainbowBrite

always_alone said:


> ​
> You know, one of the biggest factors in weight gain, depression and poor self esteem is lack of sleep.
> 
> Maybe a lifestyle change is exactly what is needed?


A change in lifestyle is definitely needed if she keeps the hours that he described. In menopause the adrenals take over making a lot of the hormones that the ovaries used to make. If her adrenals are pumping out cortisol because she's stressed (lack of sleep is a significant stressor) then she will suffer more with menopausal symptoms. 

This is according to what I've read and I've found it to be true for me. I have a tendency to drive myself pretty hard and not sleep enough. Then menopause will cause you to have difficulty sleeping on top of that so you can get yourself into a very vicious cycle. I got out of that with the aid of herbs, and now am no longer taking them but I force myself to keep reasonable hours so that I don't get into that cycle again.


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## RainbowBrite

@mary35 , I heard through the grapevine (SA mentioned it) that you have bioidentical experience. Would you mind sharing with us?

Thanks!


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## Luvher4life

always_alone said:


> ​
> You know, one of the biggest factors in weight gain, depression and poor self esteem is lack of sleep.
> 
> Maybe a lifestyle change is exactly what is needed?


You do have a point here for sure. Neither one of us really get enough sleep. She's usually asleep between 11 & 11:30, and gets up around 5:30 every morning. I have basically the same sleep pattern. We both sleep in a little on Saturdays when we can, but that's only about 30% of the time, and even then it's usually up by 8 or 8:30.

Sleep deprivation is definitely a major factor. Heck, we didn't get home last night until around 10, but still had to be up by 5:30 this morning. It's tougher on us older folk to continue this pattern. It didn't used to be a problem. The thing is, we have a teenager who plays sports, and we won't miss any of her activities.

We will have to sit down and talk this weekend about some changes we need to make. The only things on the agenda for Saturday are yard work and an hour and a half round trip to shop for essentials.


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## RainbowBrite

@Luvher4life I know the conversations you have with her about this will be difficult, but you still need to have at least one. It's not going to be fun, but you know that going in. I would make it a purposeful conversation - schedule it if you have to and tell her you want to talk to her about something important. Tell her that you are concerned for her well-being and happiness and you'd like her to consider her options around menopause. If she says that it's just a normal part of aging, well yes it is, but so is losing your ability to see small print, but you treat that, right? And losing bone density, etc., etc.. You treat these things, is the point. Why shouldn't you treat your hormonal decline?

Offer to go to the doctor with her if she feels awkward about it. I don't understand why doctors don't initiate these conversations with people anyway - so many people, both men and women, are very uncomfortable talking about sexual issues. IMO, they should bring it up at every physical: "How's your sexual functioning? Any issues? Any questions? You're getting close to menopause now, how are things going?" Why can't they ask these things?!


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## Luvher4life

Thanks OliviaG! I will sit her down and talk to her about this, and mull over what we can do to make things better for her. I will also make suggestions about making some changes in our lifestyle. Our marriage is completely strong, so if anything it would only lead to an argument. Those happen occasionally, but we always recover. No threat to our marriage at all.

My wife is such a wonderful woman, and I am truly blessed to have her as my wife. I will do whatever I need to do to make sure she is happy, not only with me, but with herself. As pretty as she is, she has always had some self-image issues. It would be so much better if she didn't have that issue, and for the life of me I don't understand it. I'm always telling her how pretty she is, how hot she is, how much I love her, showing her lots of affection, etc. I get horny every time I see a hint of what's underneath her clothes, or when we kiss. As a typical man, I am visual.>

Like I've told her many times..., "if only you could see yourself through my eyes for just a little while, your self-image problems would melt away." As messed up as her thinking is, she thinks I "just say" that to make her feel better, and nothing could be further from the truth. I absolutely love and adore my wife.


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## RainbowBrite

If you really feel that way about her (and I believe that you do), then trust me, she knows it. She may find it hard to accept a compliment.

I think just about everyone has self-image issues of some sort or another - we know we're not perfect. But menopause is fast-tracked aging for women (men age more gradually) so it is extremely unnerving. I think BHRT slows that right down though. I hope.


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## Luvher4life

I did talk to her about it a little last night. We were pressed for time getting close to time for church, and interrupted by a phone call from our eldest DD to boot. She seemed very receptive to the conversation, and even pointed out some of the things I've done that made it difficult for her to talk to me about it. I told her I was sorry, and that I would try and refrain from doing those things. I told her I've been reading about it, that I'm concerned about her health, and suggested she could read up on it, and try herbs, diet changes, and exercise before resorting to HRT. She absolutely hates the idea of having to be on any medicines. I told her I do, too, but I've been on several for years. It's just something you do when you get older. We will talk at length again, and take appropriate measures in the future.

You're right, OliviaG. I think self-image problems are prevalent in just about everyone. It's the degree to which they dwell on it that causes it to become a problem. Everybody would like to stay young forever, or at least feel young. I like having the experience and wisdom that comes with age, but not the health issues and aches and pains. I'm pretty sure that's true for all of us.


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## Luvher4life

BTW, have any of you ladies on here ever tried herbal supplements? I've read where a lot of women take things like Black Cohosh, Macafem, and a few others. Do any of these actually work? And to what degree?


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## RainbowBrite

@Luvher4life , sounds like a great introductory conversation; much easier than you expected, right? She is so lucky to have a husband who is plugged in to this change and interested in helping her. So very, very lucky!

About the self-image issues, while we do all have them, I agree that it's the degree that a person dwells on them that is the issue. Wallowing, should not be allowed, IMO. I personally can't stand it. A day or two of wallowing is okay, but after that it's unproductive and brings a person (and everyone around them) down. 

What has worked for me is to point out that I find the wallowing unattractive, much more than the perceived "flaw" that the person I love is wallowing about. I point it out as often as necessary, and as kindly as possible and with good humour. That usually works.


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## RainbowBrite

Luvher4life said:


> BTW, have any of you ladies on here ever tried herbal supplements? I've read where a lot of women take things like Black Cohosh, Macafem, and a few others. Do any of these actually work? And to what degree?


----------



## Luvher4life

She told me she wasn't sure how long it had been since she had a period. She said it had been at least 3 years, maybe up to 5. What?! I wish she would've figured this out sooner instead of just letting it happen. Being proactive about things like this is imperative to keeping the inevitable at bay.

Now I wonder if BHRT is a viable option, because I keep reading conflicting reports about the safety of it, not to mention if it would even be helpful this late after full menopause...


----------



## brooklynAnn

OliviaG said:


> I have used herbs to great advantage. There's a Chinese herbal blend called Rehmannia Six Formula that I would recommend. Also, I find making Gogi Berry tea to be surprisingly helpful. I take a handful of gogi berries and steep them in boiling water for 10+ minutes, then strain and drink. Munch on a few of the berries that you strain out too. Has greatly reduced hot flashes when I do that twice a day, morning and evening. I think it reduces my appetite too.


Where did you buy it from? I am awaiting summer with dread. Winter was bad enough, my H came home everyday to a freezing house and wants to know what's the matter with me. I wore my summer dresses all winter in the house. This summer is going to hell on me. 

So, share where I can find good products please. Thanks.


----------



## brooklynAnn

Luvher4life said:


> She told me she wasn't sure how long it had been since she had a period. She said it had been at least 3 years, maybe up to 5. What?! I wish she would've figured this out sooner instead of just letting it happen. Being proactive about things like this is imperative to keeping the inevitable at bay.
> 
> Now I wonder if BHRT is a viable option, because I keep reading conflicting reports about the safety of it, not to mention if it would even be helpful this late after full menopause...


She is in full blown menopause and not getting any help. WOW. 
Please check out Dr. Christina Northrup book and website. They will give you a lot of insights.

How could you not know that you wife was not having her period? My H knows my cycle more than I do.>


----------



## Anon Pink

Luvher4life said:


> She told me she wasn't sure how long it had been since she had a period. She said it had been at least 3 years, maybe up to 5. What?! I wish she would've figured this out sooner instead of just letting it happen. Being proactive about things like this is imperative to keeping the inevitable at bay.
> 
> Now I wonder if BHRT is a viable option, because I keep reading conflicting reports about the safety of it, not to mention if it would even be helpful this late after full menopause...


That really is a decision best contemplated by your wife and her GYN. None of us here are doctors, we are only repeating what we have heard from our own, or what we have read. I will say this though, HRT is used to alleviate menopause symptoms. She doesn't have to take them. She may feel like her symptoms aren't bothersome enough to take them. Her doc may feel that her chief complaints won't be addressed by HRT. 

I agree with you and feel like women should be proactive in understanding their health. Why know everything there is to know about first aid for kids, so why don't we invest the same energy into ourselves?


----------



## kristin2349

Luvher4life said:


> BTW, have any of you ladies on here ever tried herbal supplements? I've read where a lot of women take things like Black Cohosh, Macafem, and a few others. Do any of these actually work? And to what degree?


Maca/Macafem should be avoided if weight is an issue. It is notorious for causing weight gain.


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## brooklynAnn

kristin2349 said:


> Maca/Macafem should be avoided if weight is an issue. It is notorious for causing weight gain.


It's a carb. I mix 1tablespoon of it in my H's smoothie every morning. He likes it, it gives him energy. Plus, I add a teaspoon of dulce power to it. He likes it.


----------



## Luvher4life

kristin2349 said:


> Maca/Macafem should be avoided if weight is an issue. It is notorious for causing weight gain.


I haven't researched it enough to know, but I'm glad you told me. That's definitely OFF the table.

Any experience with Black Cohosh? Progesterone creams?


----------



## Luvher4life

brooklynAnn said:


> She is in full blown menopause and not getting any help. WOW.
> Please check out Dr. Christina Northrup book and website. They will give you a lot of insights.
> 
> How could you not know that you wife was not having her period? My H knows my cycle more than I do.>


Well..., I plead total ignorance on that! Periods have never stopped us from having sex, and it wasn't "messy" very often to begin with. I knew they had became less frequent, but I knew very little about female stuff, thinking she knew what was going on. Lord knows I didn't really have a clue...:grin2: I really wish I would've found TAM sooner.:wink2:

It's over and done with now, though, and I have suggested the book to her. She is definitely going to look into it. To be honest, I think she didn't know much more about menopause than me to begin with, and when it started happening she just basically wrote it off as a part of aging instead of nipping the symptoms in the bud. Her mother passed away in '05, and neither of her sisters are there yet. She feels awkward talking to her gynecologist at all, much less about what options she had to treat it. I blame her gynecologist for not talking to her, and she really should've forced the issue, but...

All we can do now is find ways to help her deal with the effects.


----------



## Luvher4life

OliviaG said:


> I have used herbs to great advantage. There's a Chinese herbal blend called Rehmannia Six Formula that I would recommend. Also, I find making Gogi Berry tea to be surprisingly helpful. I take a handful of gogi berries and steep them in boiling water for 10+ minutes, then strain and drink. Munch on a few of the berries that you strain out too. Has greatly reduced hot flashes when I do that twice a day, morning and evening. I think it reduces my appetite too.


Where can I get this Rehmannia Six Formula? Is it available at WalMart, Sam's, drug stores, or can you only buy it online? Herbal stores jack their prices so much that I try to find cheaper sources.


----------



## Anon Pink

kristin2349 said:


> Maca/Macafem should be avoided if weight is an issue. It is notorious for causing weight gain.


Somebody suggested I take macca for hot flashes...started taking it. 3months later I find out about the weight gain because women were taking it to get a big butt! Holy sh!t like I needed help in that department! 

I learned my lesson. For help with health issues, ask a doctor.


----------



## RainbowBrite

Luvher4life said:


> She told me she wasn't sure how long it had been since she had a period. She said it had been at least 3 years, maybe up to 5. What?! I wish she would've figured this out sooner instead of just letting it happen. Being proactive about things like this is imperative to keeping the inevitable at bay.
> 
> Now I wonder if BHRT is a viable option, because I keep reading conflicting reports about the safety of it, not to mention if it would even be helpful this late after full menopause...


She should really talk to the doctor about it. Go with her if she feels awkward with the doctor. It may not be too late - I doubt it's too late but earlier might have been better. I wouldn't put it off if I were her.


----------



## RainbowBrite

brooklynAnn said:


> Where did you buy it from? I am awaiting summer with dread. Winter was bad enough, my H came home everyday to a freezing house and wants to know what's the matter with me. I wore my summer dresses all winter in the house. This summer is going to hell on me.
> 
> So, share where I can find good products please. Thanks.


----------



## RainbowBrite

Luvher4life said:


> Where can I get this Rehmannia Six Formula? Is it available at WalMart, Sam's, drug stores, or can you only buy it online? Herbal stores jack their prices so much that I try to find cheaper sources.


----------



## Blondilocks

Suggest your wife see a female gynecologist.


----------



## kristin2349

Luvher4life said:


> I haven't researched it enough to know, but I'm glad you told me. That's definitely OFF the table.
> 
> Any experience with Black Cohosh? Progesterone creams?


I haven't used Black Cohosh, but I do use Progesterone Cream and it is really helpful for a lot of issues. Even some of the over the counter ones can help. Nature's Precise is a good one you can get it on Amazon.


----------



## kristin2349

brooklynAnn said:


> It's a carb. I mix 1tablespoon of it in my H's smoothie every morning. He likes it, it gives him energy. Plus, I add a teaspoon of dulce power to it. He likes it.



I think it is more than a carb though, it is a root that has estrogenic properties from what I know. Women take it to make their boobs and butts bigger and from what I know get results, see @Anon Pink 's post.


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## RainbowBrite

Luvher4life said:


> Where can I get this Rehmannia Six Formula? Is it available at WalMart, Sam's, drug stores, or can you only buy it online? Herbal stores jack their prices so much that I try to find cheaper sources.


----------



## Anon Pink

kristin2349 said:


> I think it is more than a carb though, it is a root that has estrogenic properties from what I know. Women take it to make their boobs and butts bigger and from what I know get results, see @Anon Pink 's post.



Oh yeah...my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...


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## mary35

I have been using bio-identical hormones for several years now - almost 7 years, I think. My how time flies. I work with a doctor that is connected with Body Logic MD. Back when my issues started there were not a lot of doctors who tested hormones and prescribed bio-identical hormones. This is pre Opra and Dr. Phil's wife jumping on board. The HMO I belong to would not test them and only offered me the one fits all HRT pills that were out at the time. 

I did my research, found the doctor I have now and had a full hormonal testing done, including cortisol and DHEAS levels and thyroid levels. They test the hormone levels with saliva tests and other levels through blood work. As it turned out I was estrogen dominate. So if I had gone with the pills my HRT proscribed - I probably would have been worse off. Getting the hormones balances is a trial and error, because everyone is different. My doctor not only goes by the numbers and ranges but also takes a close look at my symptoms and non-symptoms. Meaning in some areas, my by body does fine at lower numbers and in other areas, I need to have higher numbers to feel my best. It took us a little over a year to find the right balance. She tested me every 3 months during that year and then adjusted the hormones as needed. Now I get tested every 6 months and have been a pretty even keel for several years now. 

Being estrogen dominant did not mean I had too much estrogen. There needs to be a balance, the correct ratio between estrogen and progesterone. My estrogen levels were still too low - but my progesterone levels were even lower - throwing the ratio way off. I am currently using a bio-identical progesterone cream, a bio-identical testosterone cream, and an estradiol patch. I also have some estriol/DHEA creame I use vaginally as necessary for vaginal dryness and libido issues. 

Because my HMO will not cover any of this, the doctor, the testing, the hormones (except the estradiol patch I do get from my HMO pharmacy. They started carrying it the last couple of years, so I get a reduced price on it which saves me about $60 a month) - I pay for it out of pocket. It is not cheap. The testing is almost $300. The doctors consultation is about the same and the hormones run me about $100 a month. 

Like I said - there was not a lot of doctors who dealt with this back when I started having problems. But now there are a lot of choices. The younger OB's and GYNs are more on baord with testing and balancing hormones than the older ones. I think my HMO is just starting to get on board with this and I intend to talk to my GYN the next time to see where they are at and if I can start doing the testing through them. I love the doctor I have now. She has been a total Godsend, and has helped me through some really rough stuff. 

I have had excellent results with bio-identical hormones - totally sold on them. My advice to those of you who are dealing with issues is to seek out a doctor who will test individual hormones and will work with you and your symptoms in getting them correctly balanced for you. Don't let a doctor brush you aside - and be careful with taking HRT without having your hormones tested. Also do your research and go by what your body tells you. You know when something isn't right - don't let a doctor tell you other wise. 

As a side note - alot of the ranges they use for hormones are based on the average hormones of women in a certain age group. For example the testosterone range is something like 15 - 55 (I forget the measurement unit). This means the average levels of women that have been tested in my age group fall in this range. What my doctor told me, and has been the case for me, she is finding that women need much higher levels to help their libido. I function better when my numbers are 100 - 135. And while you have to be careful because there are side effects of taking too much testosterone (that's a whole other story I could tell you), being in this range I so far have not experienced any side effects. When my numbers are in the "normal" average range - my libido tanks - and I have no desire for sex at all. When they are in the higher 100 - 135, my libido is great. Not too horny, but nicely responsive. My conclusion and my doctors too - the normal ranges, especially where testosterone is concerned are not always optimal for many women. 

So bottom line, find a doctor who will test your hormones regularly and will work with you, taking into consideration your symptoms along with the numbers, and will find the correct balance for you. 

And for any of you young women - who are using hormonal birth control methods - be careful and do some research. You could be messing your hormones up royally which will make menopause even worse for you down the road. That is what happened to me.

If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them if I can.


----------



## mary35

As far as the weight gain. I actually started putting on weight in my mid 40's - during the peri-menopause stage. This stage can often start 10 to 15 years before a woman hits actual menopause. By the way - menopause stage is hit once a woman has not had a period for one year. IF you go 11 months and have a period (which I did), you have to start counting all over again. And you can get pregnant during this time, so be careful. Once you have not had a period for one year - you are considered to be menopausal and can not get pregnant. At least that is how it was explained to me.

Back to the weight gain. I am 5'3" and my normal weight was around 115 lbs. I hit a 135 lbs in my 40's. At this time I was also having problems with my periods getting heavier, lasting longer. I didn't feel good and was tired all the time. My GYNO talked me into going on the pill. We were not using birth control at that time because 10 years previous we had tried for another baby, but it didn't happen, and we just slipped into if it does - great, if not - oh well. In my mid 40's one of my friends who was the same age, got pregnant. At that point - we didn't want to have a baby anymore - so when the doctor suggested the pill, I went along with it. BIG MISTAKE. While it did help my periods, I put another 5 pounds on, hitting my high of 140 lbs. And I felt anxious and tired - and generally not good most of the time. 

In my late 40's, I started to do some reading and found a book Schwarzbein Principle - Home - Endocrinology - Controlled Carbohydrate Plan - Vitamin Supplements - Menopause Testing

The basics of her book is a health lifestyle change. Moderate exercise - not heavy exercise, get rid of processed foods and sugar. Balance your meals with proteins, healthy natural carbs, non-starchy vegetables, and healthy fats. Every meal and snack includes those things. Again - while this probably sounds very familiar now - back then it was a new concept. Anyways - I started this diet - followed it religiously and the weight fell off. I felt somewhat better and had more energy. Not back to normal but better. Then when I hit menopause, got off the birth control pills, and got my hormones balanced again - the rest of the puzzle fell into place and I have felt the best I have been - actually ever. I don't follow the diet as well as I use to. The sugar and processed foods started to slip back in slowly as I let my guard down. And because of that I have put 5 pounds on in the last couple of years. I am at 120. I feel better when I follow the diet, and I feel better at 115 lbs. Sugar and processed foods are my weight gaining culprits. I know what I need to do - its just a matter of self control and discipline. Easy said - not always easy to do.


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## Luvher4life

Thank you, mary35. It was certainly good to hear from somebody who has actually been on BHRT. It gives a personal experience to it that just reading about it lacks.

My question is, what kind of doctor do you go to that has experience with BHRT? Also, if she is in full-blown menopause is BHRT an option? Is it safe? I told my wife to make an appointment with her gynecologist, and that I wanted to be there with her. I've been with her before, and I must say he is not the most approachable person to talk to about it. Maybe I should discuss seeing a different OB/GYN for this, because after reading about peri and menopause this should've been addressed years ago, in my opinion.

I told my wife last night that I was sorry that I didn't realize the hell she was going through with the symptoms of menopause. I apologized to her for not being proactive sooner, and that I would do anything she needed me to do to make sure she gets better. I am on this journey with her, and I don't care what it takes. My wife is a wonderful woman who rarely complains. She has gone through this whole menopause thing without any treatment whatsoever. I feel like a complete idiot, and a bad husband for not being more help...


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## mary35

Luvher4life said:


> Thank you, mary35. It was certainly good to hear from somebody who has actually been on BHRT. It gives a personal experience to it that just reading about it lacks.
> 
> My question is, what kind of doctor do you go to that has experience with BHRT? Also, if she is in full-blown menopause is BHRT an option? Is it safe? I told my wife to make an appointment with her gynecologist, and that I wanted to be there with her. I've been with her before, and I must say he is not the most approachable person to talk to about it. Maybe I should discuss seeing a different OB/GYN for this, because after reading about peri and menopause this should've been addressed years ago, in my opinion.
> 
> I told my wife last night that I was sorry that I didn't realize the hell she was going through with the symptoms of menopause. I apologized to her for not being proactive sooner, and that I would do anything she needed me to do to make sure she gets better. I am on this journey with her, and I don't care what it takes. My wife is a wonderful woman who rarely complains. She has gone through this whole menopause thing without any treatment whatsoever. I feel like a complete idiot, and a bad husband for not being more help...


The doctor I see use to practice physical medicine and rehabilitation. She now only concentrates on preventative and wellness medicine, including anti-aging. She is affiliated with a company called Body LogicMD. Basically its a business built solely around treating hormonal aging issues with bio-identical hormones, nutrition, and fitness. They were one of the first companies that started offering bio-identical hormones. While this has become a big business (what medicine hasn't these days), and I am not thrilled with the idea from an ideological view, like I said when I started this - there were not a whole lot of choices available to me. At the time there were only two doctors in my rather large metropolitan area that would do hormone testing and treat with the bio-identical hormones. Now there are a bunch of them, including GYN's, Endocrinologists, and Geriatric specialists. 

I have found that most GYN's are still fighting this - and the older they are the more they are against it and are still pushing the standard HRT pills. The younger ones are way more accepting of it - however, a lot of HMO's, PPO's, and insurance companies are still holding out on paying for this. We use our medical savings account to cover the costs - which we pay 100% of. 

So going to your wife's GYN may not be too helpful. I would goodle doctors who specialize in menopause and find ones that say they use bio-identical hormones. 

By the way - they also treat men. My husband is tested regular by the same doctor and uses Testosterone Creme (bio-identical of course)

My experience with the standard HRT treatments is the doctors do not do any testing on the individual hormones. They only test I was offered by my GYN was a a blood test to check the levels of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and estrogen. All that test shows is if I have hit menopause yet and if my estrogen levels are low. Well - of course they are low - all women going through menopause's levels are low. The treatment they would have given me at the time is a one fits all dose of the popular HRT treatment (made from horses urine), which raises estrogen levels. They sometimes also proscribed progesterone treatments too. But again in a one size fits all dose. 

For me - my progesterone was very low, and the ratio to estrogen was way off. My condition was actually estrogen dominate. I needed both estrogen and progesterone, but I needed less estrogen, and more progesterone to get the correct ratio balance needed. This is important and at that time the standard practice was to start the women off on estrogen pills first. That would have messed me up even more than I already was. And my hormones were already a mess because of being on birth control pills. 

In fact, my GYN said because I was getting estrogen from the birth control pills, I really didn't need any HRT until after I finished the year and they would then switch me to the HRT pills. He completely dismissed my troubling symptoms, told me all women go through this and most do not do HRT, and that basically I should just buck it up - it would get better on its own as my body adjusted to living with lower hormones.

While I had many of the regular symptons you hear about - mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, not sleeping at night, dry vagina which made sex uncomfortable - I also started having Urinary tract infections, one on top of another due to the vaginal atrophy (the thinning and drying out of the genital tissues which was allowing bacteria to get in the urinary tract. That was also complicated by a sensitivity to sex lubes which I had to use so we could have sex. I also lost most of my sexual sensitivity and could no longer get physically aroused nor have orgasms. I was a mess. And my doctor said - buck it up. I remember thinking - how about you go get f...ked instead! 

That's when I started researching and eventually found the bio-identical philosophy. And very grateful I did! While I am not back to my young 20's and 30's state. Most of my symptoms have cleared up or drastically improved. Sex is great again. I haven't had a urinary tract infection for years - till last week - and that was caused because the lube I found I tolerated was discontinued and I used a different one. I am tested every 6 months. My doctor is being very careful. In addition I see my GYN regularly. She is also watching me. She is on board with what I am doing, but because of the rules of the HMO - she cant do the testing or prescribe bio-identical hormones. Although that may be changing. A couple of years ago the bio-identical estrogen patch I use was added to the HMO formulary list. 

A couple of sites that have been particularly helpful to me throughout this journey.

https://sexualityresources.com/

https://www.womentowomen.com/menopause-perimenopause/am-i-in-menopause-2/

delve into them - there is tons of articles and a wealth of information including on natural supplements and alternatives to HRT.


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## RainbowBrite

@mary35 thank you so much for sharing so much detailed information. I am wondering: you said sex is great again - did your response and sensation go back to it's pre-menopause state? Was it fully restored? I have lost some sensation and would like to get it back. Am hoping that BHRT will restore it.


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## mary35

No it was not restored to the pre-menopausal state. But it's good enough most of the time and some times it's even better. But, I will be honest, HRT for me was not a magic, or instant fix. A woman's body changes over the years - pregnancies, breast feeding, ageing, health issues - all take its toll. But menopause beat all the rest in wrecking havoc on my body. It was like waking up one morning and finding someone swapped my body, and they didn't leave me the manual for the new one. 

Not all the changes can be fixed. You are never going to get your young body back. Your body is going to be different and continue to change the rest of your life. That's just a fact. 

The secret to enjoying the rest of your life is to accept that fact, to understand that you have to learn and relearn your body as it changes. You have to be flexible, open to new ideas, try new things, be positive, be confident, relax and enjoy the different stages of life. Your husband s body is also going to change and you both will have to learn and relearn each other's bodies together. Keep your sense of humor and have fun with each other and you will be fine. 

Like I said it took over a year to get a good hormonal balance, and after awhile I could orgasm again, but at first it was only with with a strong vibrator. I never used a vibrator before menopause. And HRT was only part of the puzzle. Exercise, healthy eating, kegals, kegals and more kegals, trying new things, like vibrators, reading about my body and being creative have all contributed to my restoring my sexual response and to be able to have orgasms again. Lots if sex keeps blood flowing to your genitals, which is important - so making sex a priority even when things don't work the way you want it to, is a good idea. Just like any muscle, use it or lose it applies to both men and women. This past year I finally started to have orgasms without the vibrator again. Not all the time but about 50 % of the time. 

No things are not the same, but Hubby and I are enjoying this empty nest period immensely. Quickies are a thing of the past. Neither if us have quick orgasms any more. But we love spending the time, taking our time and enjoying the sensations and the slow build up. I have learned to be multi orgasmic, I have had two orgasms without direct clitoral stimulation during masturbation sessions this past year and my goal is to see if I can do that with my husband too one day. Hubby is also learning new things his body can do and also has found ways to be multi orgasmic some times. Occasionally, during sex sessions, our bodies don't cooperate and will not orgasm. So we just enjoy what ever we do, stop, and try again later and don't make it a problem. 

So things change, and if you are adventuresome, open minded, and willing to try new things - many good things can come out of the changes.


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## RainbowBrite

How far post-menopause were you when you began BHRT @mary35 ? I just had bloodwork done that indicates that my hormones are at a postmenopausal level, although I don't qualify for menopause since I haven't missed 12 months of periods (I haven't missed any at this point). Sex drive still high, still able to O during sex, but for months now sensation is diminished and multiple Os are elusive (Os used to be plentiful and easily achieved).

I'm wondering if BHRT results are better the sooner it's implemented or if timing makes much difference at all?


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## AVR1962

I am 53 and perimenopausal and can tell you when the hormones start changing it is a rough ride. So much changes with the body that you look in the mirror and wonder what happened to your old self. I have been struggling for a couple years now and docs really have not been able to help. They want to throw more hormones at you which just make it all worse. I gained weight in the girdle are. Had always had such a nice stomach and then this. I would be too tired to workout, felt depressed, had crazy sugar cravings. I finally gave up on medical docs and went to a natural doctor, something our insurance would not pay for but what a huge difference. I have energy now, I feel like I got my life back. I am using herbs, suggested by the natural doc. I also use progesterone cream to combat the heavy amounts of estrogen in my body. Every woman should read about estrogen and the effects on the body. So many cancers are linked to heavy estrogen but docs will just keep throwing you more hormones.


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## mary35

OliviaG said:


> How far post-menopause were you when you began BHRT @mary35 ? I just had bloodwork done that indicates that my hormones are at a postmenopausal level, although I don't qualify for menopause since I haven't missed 12 months of periods (I haven't missed any at this point). Sex drive still high, still able to O during sex, but for months now sensation is diminished and multiple Os are elusive (Os used to be plentiful and easily achieved).
> 
> I'm wondering if BHRT results are better the sooner it's implemented or if timing makes much difference at all?[/QUOT]
> 
> I was still having periods, very light ones.
> 
> I don't know the answer to your question. But I had completely lost my ability to have orgasms by the time I started BHRT. However, remember that I was on birth control pills at the time, so my hormones were a total mess, beyond just menopause hormonal changes. I went off the birth control pills and switched to a diaphragm. Then I waited several months before seeing a doctor to get testing. Somewhere in between going off the pill and finding my doctor, my periods stopped.
> 
> Google menopause doctors in your area and find one who uses bio-identical hormones and also uses natural supplements. Make an appointment and discuss with them your options. You don't have to go on hormones, And perhaps they can suggest some supplements that might help your specific issues. The site I linked you to - Women to women has a bunch of excellent articles. They like to go the natural route using lifestyle changes and supplements first. And for many women, that works great.
> 
> I tried that route, not their supplements but others I had read about. Nothing I tried gave me significant improvements. That's when I went the BHRT route.
> 
> Read through their articles, maybe you will find your answers there.


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## mary35

AVR1962 said:


> I am 53 and perimenopausal and can tell you when the hormones start changing it is a rough ride. So much changes with the body that you look in the mirror and wonder what happened to your old self. I have been struggling for a couple years now and docs really have not been able to help. They want to throw more hormones at you which just make it all worse. I gained weight in the girdle are. Had always had such a nice stomach and then this. I would be too tired to workout, felt depressed, had crazy sugar cravings. I finally gave up on medical docs and went to a natural doctor, something our insurance would not pay for but what a huge difference. I have energy now, I feel like I got my life back. I am using herbs, suggested by the natural doc. I also use progesterone cream to combat the heavy amounts of estrogen in my body. Every woman should read about estrogen and the effects on the body. So many cancers are linked to heavy estrogen but docs will just keep throwing you more hormones.


All women are different. I agree that one should be careful with any kind of hormone treatments. I also like the idea of alternative therapies, especially natural ones. I am glad you found something that works well for you.


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## RainbowBrite

Mary35 wrote:


> I was still having periods, very light ones.
> 
> I don't know the answer to your question. But I had completely lost my ability to have orgasms by the time I started BHRT. However, remember that I was on birth control pills at the time, so my hormones were a total mess, beyond just menopause hormonal changes. I went off the birth control pills and switched to a diaphragm. Then I waited several months before seeing a doctor to get testing. Somewhere in between going off the pill and finding my doctor, my periods stopped.
> 
> Google menopause doctors in your area and find one who uses bio-identical hormones and also uses natural supplements. Make an appointment and discuss with them your options. You don't have to go on hormones, And perhaps they can suggest some supplements that might help your specific issues. The site I linked you to - Women to women has a bunch of excellent articles. They like to go the natural route using lifestyle changes and supplements first. And for many women, that works great.
> 
> I tried that route, not their supplements but others I had read about. Nothing I tried gave me significant improvements. That's when I went the BHRT route.
> 
> Read through their articles, maybe you will find your answers there.


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## mary35

Good Luck Olivia. I totally understand your desire to fix the decrease of sensitivity. I was devastated when I lost mine. I had heard of most the other symptoms, but that one took me totally by surprise. Then when I started to research it, I found its quite common. But what was even more frustrating was when I read that some women have better and stronger orgasms after menopause. Why couldn't I be one of those lucky ones. lol

It turned out well in the end. I love having multiples, and I really appreciate each and every orgasm now. Sometimes I call out, thank you God when my orgasm hits. It's not a trite phrase, I actually mean it literally.


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## Mjg1962

Luvher4life said:


> Exactly. She has dieted, and although she doesn't have time to exercise regularly, she is definitely not sedentary. She also has never really had any weight problems. She was a size 1 to a size 2 when we met, and was a size 4 for a decade after our second child.
> 
> 
> 
> The arms and belly are her biggest concerns, and it is definitely affecting her adversely, which adversely affects us. I honestly don't care, but if she isn't happy I ain't happy.




You are a great man... Take walks with her so she feels that you are in it together... I went thru this too stated walking and also got some had weights and I started dropping weight. Unfortunately for me my husband was not so understanding and couldn't deal with my changes.. Talk to her reassure her that you love beyond her physical appearance, and that you are in it for the long term..


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## AVR1962

LuvHer4Life, I am the one who mentioned above that I had received good help with a natural doc. One thing I thought I would share is some of what I am doing that has helped. The natural doc was saying that after the age of 50 our body does not absorb nutrients like it did when we are younger so she has me taking a digestive enzyme with each meal. I also take the Nubiotix that you hear advertised on the radio and that has really helped to shrink my belly fat. I also am taking 2 tablespoons of natural aloe vera juice before breakfast and before dinner, this also helps with digestion. Currently I am doing an herbal detox of the body as well. I think the detox is key here as I had too much junk in my system....our bodies get real polluted with time. This doc was telling me the imortance of cleansing the colon, more than any other organ. There is so much of our well-being linked to our colon. Thought I would just put that out there for your info.


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## Luvher4life

Mjg1962 said:


> You are a great man... Take walks with her so she feels that you are in it together... I went thru this too stated walking and also got some had weights and I started dropping weight. Unfortunately for me my husband was not so understanding and couldn't deal with my changes.. Talk to her reassure her that you love beyond her physical appearance, and that you are in it for the long term..


We have discussed this very thing. It is going to be difficult right now to find time, but we will start with the walking together. I am looking into buying some weights, too, not only for her but for me and my daughter. With my younger daughter, a sophomore in HS, playing sports basically year round, finding time is what we have to work around.

I will be honest. I have always found my wife extremely attractive, so loving her beyond her physical appearance is certainly no problem. She's the one who see those flaws, but they don't bother me in the least. I just want her to be happy with herself.

We did buy some herbals that are specifically for menopause this past weekend. I'm really hoping these will help her. She wants to try these before going to a doctor about it. She REALLY hates the idea of being on drugs of any kind. She can't even take Tylenol without it making her sleepy..,:|...seriously!


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## Kerry

I saw some of the earlier comments and I think it is super sweet of you to want to help. I'm just curious, did she ask you to help her by doing research? Does she know you're posting questions and does she ask you what you've found?


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## norajane

I am 48 and going through peri. My symptoms have been mild overall, but the weight does creep up. After our last vacation, I was appalled at the scale when we got home. I have it under control again, and lost 15 pounds since November. 

Here's how:

1. Education. Our bodies change in composition as we get older. That means 120 pounds at age 25 looks a lot different than that same 120 pounds at age 50. We lose bone density and muscle mass, and gain fat, so regardless of anything else going on, you will be fatter as you get older, and you will look fatter as you get older. If you don't cut calories as you get older, the weight will creep up. *If you're eating like you always used to and working out like you always used to, your weight will creep up because you need fewer calories to maintain the same weight as you get older.*

2. Mindful workouts. That decrease in muscle mass? You absolutely have to add some kind of strength training to your workout to build muscles. It's not enough to do cardio, it's not enough to diet. You have to build muscles, which will burn more than fat AND will make you look better once you drop the fat, AND will keep you stronger so you don't go around falling and breaking hips willy nilly. I didn't do anything fancy - I just used my elliptical for high intensity interval training, 20 minutes of HIIT per day, 4 days a week. I worked up to the highest level on my elliptical, and have awesome leg muscles, as well as arm and back/abs muscles.

3. Cut the calories. Yup, more than before, you have to be very careful about what you put in your mouth. You have to eat fewer calories than you did before - there's no way around this. All my shiny new muscles didn't help until I took a closer look at what I was eating. My biggest problem was the late evening snack, which I fixed by accepting that chocolate must be a part of my approach and found that 5 Dove bite size pieces are 210 calories, and rich enough to satisfy me without having to eat the whole bag. Up until then, I was saying no to chocolate, and then finding myself eating sandwiches, tons of fruit, whatever was in the fridge as a snack, but it wasn't the chocolate I wanted, so I never felt satisfied even though I was eating too much. So, a satisfying snack plus portion control worked best for me, no strict "diet" otherwise.

4. Sleep. This is very important, as many studies have shown that people who don't get enough sleep at night gain weight - they make poorer choices about what to eat, and they eat more of it. Lack of sleep also impacts your body's systems, and your brain - both of which are already out of whack during peri-menopause. Healthy workouts can help with sleep, among other things. 

I don't do HRT or anything herbal or whatnot. I haven't had some of the difficult symptoms others have, though, and my sex life has not been impacted at all (yet).


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## Luvher4life

Kerry said:


> I saw some of the earlier comments and I think it is super sweet of you to want to help. I'm just curious, did she ask you to help her by doing research? Does she know you're posting questions and does she ask you what you've found?


She has been especially tough on herself. In talking to her, I told her that weight gain is a part of the aging process, and that it doesn't bother me. She said it bothers her, so I offered assistance. She really never said yes or no, but I told her I would do some research to see what options are available to make things better for her. I really didn't know much about it, except that weight gain was very common when you reach that age. She knows I am on blog sites regularly, and doesn't mind. I told her about this site right after I joined it, and she was welcome to take a look anytime she wants, even encouraging her to join if she desired. I've told her many times that if she ever wanted to look at anything I post online, or to look at any site I've visited on the internet, I would gladly show her. She knows I have nothing to hide, never have, never will. I've told her that blogging is anonymous, which makes it easier to talk to people other than those in your own social circles.

Thanks to all the ladies on this site, I have learned more in just a short period of time than I would have just researching it elsewhere. There's nothing like conversing with people who have been through things like this. That firsthand knowledge I get from the ladies on this site is worth more than any research I've done elsewhere. Thank you ladies!

Yes, I will do whatever I can to help my wonderful wife get through this. She is the love of my life, and I will do whatever I can to make her happy. Like some wise man said long ago, of whom I don't know to cite, "Happy wife, happy life!"


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## karole

norajane said:


> I am 48 and going through peri. My symptoms have been mild overall, but the weight does creep up. After our last vacation, I was appalled at the scale when we got home. I have it under control again, and lost 15 pounds since November.
> 
> Here's how:
> 
> 1. Education. Our bodies change in composition as we get older. That means 120 pounds at age 25 looks a lot different than that same 120 pounds at age 50. We lose bone density and muscle mass, and gain fat, so regardless of anything else going on, you will be fatter as you get older, and you will look fatter as you get older. If you don't cut calories as you get older, the weight will creep up. *If you're eating like you always used to and working out like you always used to, your weight will creep up because you need fewer calories to maintain the same weight as you get older.*
> 
> 2. Mindful workouts. That decrease in muscle mass? You absolutely have to add some kind of strength training to your workout to build muscles. It's not enough to do cardio, it's not enough to diet. You have to build muscles, which will burn more than fat AND will make you look better once you drop the fat, AND will keep you stronger so you don't go around falling and breaking hips willy nilly. I didn't do anything fancy - I just used my elliptical for high intensity interval training, 20 minutes of HIIT per day, 4 days a week. I worked up to the highest level on my elliptical, and have awesome leg muscles, as well as arm and back/abs muscles.
> 
> 3. Cut the calories. Yup, more than before, you have to be very careful about what you put in your mouth. You have to eat fewer calories than you did before - there's no way around this. All my shiny new muscles didn't help until I took a closer look at what I was eating. My biggest problem was the late evening snack, which I fixed by accepting that chocolate must be a part of my approach and found that 5 Dove bite size pieces are 210 calories, and rich enough to satisfy me without having to eat the whole bag. Up until then, I was saying no to chocolate, and then finding myself eating sandwiches, tons of fruit, whatever was in the fridge as a snack, but it wasn't the chocolate I wanted, so I never felt satisfied even though I was eating too much. So, a satisfying snack plus portion control worked best for me, no strict "diet" otherwise.
> 
> 4. Sleep. This is very important, as many studies have shown that people who don't get enough sleep at night gain weight - they make poorer choices about what to eat, and they eat more of it. Lack of sleep also impacts your body's systems, and your brain - both of which are already out of whack during peri-menopause. Healthy workouts can help with sleep, among other things.
> 
> I don't do HRT or anything herbal or whatnot. I haven't had some of the difficult symptoms others have, though, and my sex life has not been impacted at all (yet).


Thank you for this NoraJane. I am trying to do a lot of the things you say. Weight is creeping up on me and I hate it! I'm not much of a sweets eater, but I am having a really hard time giving up my evening, Grey Goose & Club Soda, and I know I need too! UGH! Getting old sucks!


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## norajane

karole said:


> Thank you for this NoraJane. I am trying to do a lot of the things you say. Weight is creeping up on me and I hate it! I'm not much of a sweets eater, but I am having a really hard time giving up my evening, Grey Goose & Club Soda, and I know I need too! UGH! Getting old sucks!


No, don't give up the Grey Goose! I don't know how much vodka you drink, but vodka and soda is one of the "cheapest" drinks in terms of calories. You just have to plan those in, just like I did with my nightly chocolate snack. 

Plus side, the more calories you burn working out during HIIT, and the more muscles you build to increase your resting metabolic rate, the less guilty you have to feel for indulging in a drink. 

I have not given up wine and hard cider. I just limit it to one day a week (where I don't count the calories). But then I drink half the bottle of wine, lol, so it counts as a drink a day.


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## stephscarlett

I'm starting a program where I do less cardio and more heavy lifting. Will never give up my yoga though!


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## karole

My husband bought me an at home weight machine. I don't even know how to get started - how often I should use it, etc. LOL


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## stephscarlett

I don't know about an at home machine. I'm probably going to the gym 4 times a week to lift and then yoga 4 times a week, running twice, swimming twice and biking twice (I'm training for a tri otherwise I wouldn't do this)


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## Kerry

Luvher4life said:


> She has been especially tough on herself. In talking to her, I told her that weight gain is a part of the aging process, and that it doesn't bother me. She said it bothers her, so I offered assistance. She really never said yes or no, but I told her I would do some research to see what options are available to make things better for her.
> 
> Yes, I will do whatever I can to help my wonderful wife get through this. She is the love of my life, and I will do whatever I can to make her happy. Like some wise man said long ago, of whom I don't know to cite, "Happy wife, happy life!"


I sense that when you're doing research, you really feel like you're helping your wife. I hear how much you care about her and her happiness.

I'd like to share an "outside the box" perspective on how topics like this sometimes play out in my own relationship (which isn't perfect, mind you). Maybe others can relate...

When I don't ask for help, all I really want is empathy (really difficult for most men b/c they like to solve). I just want to know that someone knows I'm struggling (hurt, sad, frustrated, whatever). When they hear that, I feel so relieved that I can think straight again and will likely come to my own conclusions and take actions that feel right for me. Sometimes my path is twisty and I hit walls, but I am trusting my own senses, which is really important if I'm to grow (experience life) as a human. 

Often times, well-meaning individuals will start offering solutions. Then, my own guidance system becomes disoriented and I can end up feeling obliged to please the person by taking their advise--whether or not it feels right for me. This is often why people (often women) become "lost" in relationships (again, voice of experience here).

People on this forum will probably kick my butt for this post. They'll say that I'm "too sensitive" or "take things too personally" (uhh, I am a person!). I don't care because this is important.

If you really want to help your wife, maybe consider some youtube videos about non-violent communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. There's a really good intro to NVC that's three hours long. That time might just pay off in spades compared to any research about weight gain you can do.

A shortcut that I use with my H and appreciate when he uses it with me - simply say to your spouse, "What can I do to help?" Then, don't say another word until you truly hear her answer and if it is something you can do, do it. Lather, rinse, repeat. :nerd:

Warmly,
Kerry


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## Luvher4life

Kerry said:


> I sense that when you're doing research, you really feel like you're helping your wife. I hear how much you care about her and her happiness.
> 
> I'd like to share an "outside the box" perspective on how topics like this sometimes play out in my own relationship (which isn't perfect, mind you). Maybe others can relate...
> 
> When I don't ask for help, all I really want is empathy (really difficult for most men b/c they like to solve). I just want to know that someone knows I'm struggling (hurt, sad, frustrated, whatever). When they hear that, I feel so relieved that I can think straight again and will likely come to my own conclusions and take actions that feel right for me. Sometimes my path is twisty and I hit walls, but I am trusting my own senses, which is really important if I'm to grow (experience life) as a human.
> 
> Often times, well-meaning individuals will start offering solutions. Then, my own guidance system becomes disoriented and I can end up feeling obliged to please the person by taking their advise--whether or not it feels right for me. This is often why people (often women) become "lost" in relationships (again, voice of experience here).
> 
> People on this forum will probably kick my butt for this post. They'll say that I'm "too sensitive" or "take things too personally" (uhh, I am a person!). I don't care because this is important.
> 
> If you really want to help your wife, maybe consider some youtube videos about non-violent communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. There's a really good intro to NVC that's three hours long. That time might just pay off in spades compared to any research about weight gain you can do.
> 
> A shortcut that I use with my H and appreciate when he uses it with me - simply say to your spouse, "What can I do to help?" Then, don't say another word until you truly hear her answer and if it is something you can do, do it. Lather, rinse, repeat. :nerd:
> 
> Warmly,
> Kerry


Yes, I can see what you're saying here. The thing is, I can ask her what I can do to help, and she will undoubtedly say "nothing". I have always been a person that if a problem presents itself, address it, and get it resolved as soon as possible. She, on the other hand, is the type that would let the problem ride, hoping that it will either fix itself, or she will figure it out on her own.

I am guilty as charged in that sometimes I am pushy, and can turn a deaf ear to what is being said. I guess that is one of my less than endearing qualities. I know my wife loves me, and knows that I am somebody who, if he sees a problem, he addresses it. She brought a problem to my attention, so I took my usual problem-solving approach to it. If that's not what she wanted, I don't think she would've brought it up. I could tell it was bothering her, and as a husband who loves his wife, I want to help her fix it. We are addressing it with herbs at this time. If that doesn't at least help, we'll try something else.

We will be doing some of the other things suggested here. That's going to take a little while to put into action, though.


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## Kerry

Luvher4life said:


> Yes, I can see what you're saying here. The thing is, I can ask her what I can do to help, and she will undoubtedly say "nothing". I have always been a person that if a problem presents itself, address it, and get it resolved as soon as possible. She, on the other hand, is the type that would let the problem ride, hoping that it will either fix itself, or she will figure it out on her own.
> 
> I am guilty as charged in that sometimes I am pushy, and can turn a deaf ear to what is being said. I guess that is one of my less than endearing qualities. I know my wife loves me, and knows that I am somebody who, if he sees a problem, he addresses it. She brought a problem to my attention, so I took my usual problem-solving approach to it. If that's not what she wanted, I don't think she would've brought it up. I could tell it was bothering her, and as a husband who loves his wife, I want to help her fix it. We are addressing it with herbs at this time. If that doesn't at least help, we'll try something else.
> 
> We will be doing some of the other things suggested here. That's going to take a little while to put into action, though.


Got ya. My reply was through my eyes. And, I hope you see the irony because I, myself, was addressing a question that you didn't ask. (Yikes!)

All the best,
-k


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## Luvher4life

Kerry said:


> Got ya. My reply was through my eyes. And, I hope you see the irony because I, myself, was addressing a question that you didn't ask. (Yikes!)
> 
> All the best,
> -k


It's cool. The irony is she didn't really "ask" me to help. I think it was more of an implied "help me" sort of thing. I just can't stand to see this beautiful wife of mine beating up on herself because she doesn't "look" 30 years old anymore. I told her I could try and help, and she didn't say no, which I took to mean to get proactive in helping her find resolution to the issue.

It's a process, but we are getting there, no matter how long it takes. She is just the type that doesn't complain much, and is so self-sacrificial that she will let things go just because it may cost some money. She rarely ever spends money on herself, even with my goading her to. When it comes to being healthy, and the happiness that brings, money is no object. As I've always told her, "I'd rather be broke and happy, than rich and unhappy." We are okay financially anyway, although we do have a daughter already in college, and another that will be starting after high school. My eldest did have 24 semester hours before graduating, and my youngest one will also, which helps. College is, and will put some strain on our finances, no doubt, but we'll manage.


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## Holland

This website is fantastic for really easy, nutrient dense foods. I have no affiliation with it but just love the recipes as do my family.
https://www.thehealthychef.com/

Mid life does bring about many challenges and how we used to live is not how we can now. Far out I used to eat Mars Bars for brekky and lunch, those were the good old days 

Food can either help or hinder us.


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## Kerry

Luvher4life said:


> It's cool. The irony is she didn't really "ask" me to help. I think it was more of an implied "help me" sort of thing. I just can't stand to see this beautiful wife of mine beating up on herself because she doesn't "look" 30 years old anymore. I told her I could try and help, and she didn't say no, which I took to mean to get proactive in helping her find resolution to the issue.
> 
> It's a process, but we are getting there, no matter how long it takes. She is just the type that doesn't complain much, and is so self-sacrificial that she will let things go just because it may cost some money. She rarely ever spends money on herself, even with my goading her to. When it comes to being healthy, and the happiness that brings, money is no object. As I've always told her, "I'd rather be broke and happy, than rich and unhappy." We are okay financially anyway, although we do have a daughter already in college, and another that will be starting after high school. My eldest did have 24 semester hours before graduating, and my youngest one will also, which helps. College is, and will put some strain on our finances, no doubt, but we'll manage.


I can relate to your wife; I'm quiet, tough on myself (until a very recent shift). I'm also fit and active, but also subject to the consequences of passing through time and space.

Something to consider: your words and actions are conflicting. Your words say, "I love you at any weight." Your actions say: let me join you in this hatred of your body by helping you find a way to change it. So, technically you agree with her when you join her in the war on her body. The real problem is her mindset; she's made the weight and her body the enemy. Change the mindset that says she can't be loved with a few extra pounds (ultimately, this is self-rejection) and now you've got a worthy cause.

Actions speak louder than words, so I wonder how she'd respond if you announced, "I'll do anything to help you and you tell me what that is. But, right now (get her in the moment, instead of worry about the past or future states of her body), all I want to do is show you (action, masculine/doing) how much I love you no matter where age takes our bodies. Look! I bought us some __fill in the blank__ (wink wink :wink2: )." 

Now, you're teaching her by doing what she can't (yet) do for herself, which is to love her body in this moment exactly where it is. Maybe this demonstration (instead of the one where you join the battle against her body), will help shift her mindset to be healthier and guide her to create a healthy relationship with her body and with food.

This approach could be much more sustainable since time (and gravity) will eventually take its toll.

Just tossing out different ideas here.

-k


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## alte Dame

I went through a very long perimenopause which only recently ended (truly, this went on through my 50's).

I was on HRT until recently for hormonal swings and the issues they create (depression, hot flashes, joint aches, etc.) It helped tremendously. For me, the issues of depression outweighed the potential down sides of HRT.

I gained a little weight in the middle, which is normal for women as they get older. I do pilates exercises that target the area and that helps a lot. I also have gone lower carb in my daily diet, also a help.


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## Luvher4life

Kerry said:


> I can relate to your wife; I'm quiet, tough on myself (until a very recent shift). I'm also fit and active, but also subject to the consequences of passing through time and space.
> 
> *Something to consider: your words and actions are conflicting. Your words say, "I love you at any weight." Your actions say: let me join you in this hatred of your body by helping you find a way to change it. So, technically you agree with her when you join her in the war on her body.* The real problem is her mindset; she's made the weight and her body the enemy. Change the mindset that says she can't be loved with a few extra pounds (ultimately, this is self-rejection) and now you've got a worthy cause.
> 
> Actions speak louder than words, so I wonder how she'd respond if you announced, "I'll do anything to help you and you tell me what that is. But, right now (get her in the moment, instead of worry about the past or future states of her body), all I want to do is show you (action, masculine/doing) how much I love you no matter where age takes our bodies. Look! I bought us some __fill in the blank__ (wink wink :wink2: )."
> 
> Now, you're teaching her by doing what she can't (yet) do for herself, which is to love her body in this moment exactly where it is. Maybe this demonstration (instead of the one where you join the battle against her body), will help shift her mindset to be healthier and guide her to create a healthy relationship with her body and with food.
> 
> This approach could be much more sustainable since time (and gravity) will eventually take its toll.
> 
> Just tossing out different ideas here.
> 
> -k


That's another angle I really hadn't thought about. You definitely have a point there. I have always told her that it doesn't bother me. I guess that's not really enough, if my wanting to help her feel better about herself by taking action is in conflict with what I'm telling her.

The old catch-22 that I've often come across when dealing with the female psyche... Danged if I do, danged if I don't!

FWIW, I absolutely love my wife, and am attracted to her physically, as well as emotionally and spiritually. I tell these things to her very often, and show her daily in not so subtle ways, but it doesn't seem to sink in because of her own self-consciousness. I honestly felt like I had no choice but to help her, and the motivation truly was/is for her well-being.


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## Kerry

Luvher4life said:


> That's another angle I really hadn't thought about. You definitely have a point there. I have always told her that it doesn't bother me. I guess that's not really enough, if my wanting to help her feel better about herself by taking action is in conflict with what I'm telling her.
> 
> The old catch-22 that I've often come across when dealing with the female psyche... Danged if I do, danged if I don't!
> 
> FWIW, I absolutely love my wife, and am attracted to her physically, as well as emotionally and spiritually. I tell these things to her very often, and show her daily in not so subtle ways, but it doesn't seem to sink in because of her own self-consciousness. I honestly felt like I had no choice but to help her, and the motivation truly was/is for her well-being.


In all fairness, when my husband is fixing something in his area of expertise and I suggest that it could be the Johnson rod, sometimes he'd rather solve it himself. Just sayin'.

I hear that you love your wife deeply and on many levels. You'll know, however, by her response what she really wants. After all, this all started because *she* wants to feel better. Be careful about making it about *you* feeling better b/c it is hard to watch her struggle. I have also seen the helper feel rejected b/c the helpee didn't take the advise. Then, things get messy. 

Experiencing what we don't want shows us what we do want. Who we become in the process of getting to what we want is what makes it worth achieving. Having someone love and support you in the process is wonderful, but they can't do it for you or else it isn't worth the prize (though that has become quite distorted in our immediate-gratification world).

Remember the caterpillar must work its way out of the chrysalis to become what it was born to be. :butterfly:

Keep the faith.

-k


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## norajane

Luv, one of the ways my bf supports me in this without making me feel at all self-conscious or pushed is or unsexy is, essentially, positive reinforcement, even for tiny steps I took. It's the difference between:

Did you work out this week?

and

"You must have been working out, I think there's a new muscle here," as he's squeezing my butt. And if I told him I hadn't worked out, he'd tell me I was super-hot so he was going to be in trouble when I got even hotter.

See how one is encouraging and silly, and the other can come off as unhelpful? My example might not be in your couple language, but there are ways to encourage without appearing to take over.


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## Kerry

norajane said:


> Luv, one of the ways my bf supports me in this without making me feel at all self-conscious or pushed is or unsexy is, essentially, positive reinforcement, even for tiny steps I took. It's the difference between:
> 
> Did you work out this week?
> 
> and
> 
> "You must have been working out, I think there's a new muscle here," as he's squeezing my butt. And if I told him I hadn't worked out, he'd tell me I was super-hot so he was going to be in trouble when I got even hotter.
> 
> See how one is encouraging and silly, and the other can come off as unhelpful? My example might not be in your couple language, but there are ways to encourage without appearing to take over.


Yes, this is awesome! This is what I've been talking about but you summed it up perfectly. I like the playful spirit in your bf's approach!


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## Luvher4life

:|Okay..., I definitely have to work on my approach, because apparently, I did this all wrong. I'll have to remember to approach such subjects more indirectly, and with more positive reinforcement. Check.:nerd:

The good news is I'm pretty sure we'll get through this together...:wink2:


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