# Are EA an indication something is not right?



## brownson (Nov 17, 2014)

Hello,

I'll be short in this post: I'm going through my third emotional affair since I live together with my GF (we're engaged since 2012, with plans to marry in 2017).

This EA is so much more powerful than the other two, and in this one *I know* I won't have the energy to don't let this turn into a physical affair, if I have the chance.

This other woman is still very young (18), I'm 27 and my GF (practically my wife) is 23.

Do you people think this 3rd EA could be an indication something is not quite right with my relationship? :scratchhead:

Thanks!


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Does your fiancé know this is the third EA?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Honestly, take a look in the mirror at yourself. There could be something wrong with you. You might be a serial cheater who gets off the high of new love, or infatuation. It is the most addictive form of love. You might have poor boundaries. You might have commitment issues. Before pointing the finger at someone, look at yourself first. Do the honest thing, and tell your gf, that you constantly cheat on her. Mature love, or committed love, is working through issues. It is about understanding, and respect. In committed love, the romantic feelings will wax and wane over time. It is about being vulnerable emotionally to your partner. If you can't handle these things, let your gf go. Because the infatuation love is superficial, and the more mature love, is accepting your partners faults,growing as individuals, and working as a team towards a common goal.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

brownson said:


> Hello,
> 
> I'm going through my third emotional affair since I live together with my GF (we're engaged since 2012, with plans to marry in 2017).
> Do you people think this 3rd EA could be an indication something is not quite right with my relationship? :scratchhead:


(is this for real?)

Yes. The 1st one would have been. The 2nd one should have made it obvious. Now you're into a 3rd affair?!?!? And you're still planning on marrying the poor schmuck you're cheating on? 

Have the guts to man up and leave the girlfriend. She doesn't deserve you.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

brownson said:


> Do you people think this 3rd EA could be an indication something is not quite right with my relationship? :scratchhead:
> 
> Thanks!


Seems like an indication that something isn't quite right with you... 

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and blaming your infidelities on something other than the person looking back in the mirror is a lie meant to justify that which can't be justified.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

For sure something is not right. Please seek individual counseling. And be as honest as possible with your counselor.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Let me fix something for you.



brownson said:


> Do you people think this 3rd EA could be an indication something is not quite right with *ME?* :scratchhead:
> 
> Thanks!


And the answer is yes. Stop being a piece of dung and either commit to your fiance or let her find someone who can.

I'm truly having a hard time believing your post is real because this is like someone asking 
"I've smoked for 40 years...I have lung cancer. Do you think smoking is bad for me?"

If you even have to ask the question....there's something VERY broken in you.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

You're chasing a woman that you intend to bang, if given a chance. 

You've already confirmed your desire to physically cheat on your fiancee. 

You've already confirmed your history of emotionally cheating on your fiancee. 

Do YOU think there's something wrong?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Something isn't right, for sure. Primarily with you, and perhaps with your relationship with your SO that you so easily cheat on her. What the real problem is probably requires professional assistance to figure out, but it's clear that YOU are the source. If your SO isn't right for you, break off the engagement and find someone who does inspire your loyalty and fidelity.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

brownson said:


> Hello,
> 
> I'll be short in this post: I'm going through my third emotional affair since I live together with my GF (we're engaged since 2012, with plans to marry in 2017).
> 
> ...


I vote this for the Dumbest. Post. Ever.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> I vote this for the Dumbest. Post. Ever.


To be fair , I have seen a dumbier thread which was some guy who wanted to keep both his wife and his girlfriend...
Brownson

For GOD Sake , leave the innocent girl find her life , you don't deserve it .


I have been in a sexless marriage for 17 years ; 
*17 YEARS*

yet I feel guilt inside my heart from an EA much more than you feel on the third EA.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

There may be emotional needs that your girlfriend is not meeting that is contributing to these EAs, but the bigger problem Is that you obviously have problems making and enforcing barriers with other women. At a minimum I would start some IC to get some help finding the source of your issues. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> I vote this for the Dumbest. Post. Ever.


I second the motion.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Yes something is wrong .... with you!

I can understand seeking EA's because your needs are not being fulfilled at home, but an EA is cheating and this is never right. You need to discuss this with your gf (almost wife) and either end it or if both of you agree, seek help.

But the main reason I think something is wrong with you is that you are seeking almost inappropriate relationships - you are 27 and your current crush is only 18!!!!!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Yes, it is. This is not girl for you. and you are not man for her.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Zouz said:


> To be fair , I have seen a dumbier thread which was some guy who wanted to keep both his wife and his girlfriend...
> Brownson
> 
> For GOD Sake , leave the innocent girl find her life , you don't deserve it .
> ...


17 years!!!! My god!!! I'd look like Andy Dufrane's rock hammer from the Shawshank Redemption from beating it to death!!!!


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

brownson said:


> Do you people think this 3rd EA could be an indication something is not quite right with my relationship?


Not at all! Nothing wrong with a big slice of cake. Heck, I imagine the GF likes cake just as much. I wonder if she likes whip cream on her cake? Cake and kibbles... Breakfast of Champions!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

18 years old? "Like" what do you talk with her about?


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

RClawson said:


> 18 years old? "Like" what do you talk with her about?


You know, like, stuff


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I am interested to learn about EA's from the man's point of view. so it would be great if you could answer the questions below for each of your EAs.

1. How did you meet her? Did you approach her first? Were you two introduced?

2. Are /were you in a situation in which you two regularly (even if infrequently) saw each other? Work? School? Church? Members of an organisation? etc.....

3. When you first met her did you already have plans for an EA or even a PA (and therefore planned to use the EA as a route to an EA)

4. Or did you find yourself merely slip sliding into this EA with her?

5. How did this EA express itself?

a) frequent messaging through whatever means

b) discussion about intimate parts of your life; including with your fiance ie arguments, sex life

c) heightened moods and behavior whenever your EA was aroun..... even when your fiance was there........ AND to the point where other people noticed your changed / heightened behavior / mood

d) even in small ways were you more inclined to spend more money on your EA than on your fiance. ie, on one recent thread around here one woman noticed that while she got a card for Mother's Day, the husband's EA got flowers. I think we all know that flowers cost more than a card. aha! but does buying a card take more effort than having flowers sent?

e) have you ever prioritised your EA over your fiance. For example, simply said no to any request to your EA because it directly conflicted with something that you knew the EA wanted and you wanted to do for her either because 1) the timings conflcited one another; 2) you did not have enough money on hand to do both; 3) etc.

6. How did your PA end? Because you wanted sex and she didn't? Because you realised that the EA caused too much conflict in your relationship with your fiance? Because you realised that this EA was not long term relationship material? any combination of the above?

7. Did your fiance ever figure it out? If so, how? Did she ever meet your EA?

Take your time. I would be interested in your answers. 

And your going through this exercise may help you to answer your own questions.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

RClawson said:


> 18 years old? "Like" what do you talk with her about?


Deciding who should hang up first.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Do you people think this 3rd EA could be an indication something is not quite right with my relationship


No, it's an indication that your relationship is one that all others should envy and emulate! Chain emotional affairs is the way to go!


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## HiLibido (Dec 10, 2013)

brownson said:


> Do you people think this 3rd EA could be an indication something is not quite right with my relationship? :scratchhead:


Yeah, that truly is a head scratcher.

Let's see. Hmmmm. Gee, I can't figure it out either. Why don't you ask your GF?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

True Reality Or Laughable Lies
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

I love TAM. 

This is a ridiculous post, to be sure, but the replies are awesome.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening brownson.
What is pushing you into EAs. Are you getting something out of them that you can't get in your relationship. If so, what is that thing? You don't even need to tell us, but be completely honest with yourself about what it is you want, and then it may be obvious what you should do.


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