# Husband's married coworker won't leave him alone



## Leahcar1985

Hi everyone,

I am new to this site and need some advice on how to deal with a new situation in our marriage. I looked around the site but couldn't find an exact situation like I am in, no infidelity yet. Sorry if it drags on.

I am 27 years old and have been with my husband for a little over 8 years and our first wedding anniversary is coming up next month in May. We have a great relationship, love each other dearly and have fun together. 

My husband recently got a new job in January as a healthcare manager. After about a week on the job he would come home and mention a female coworker's name. He is 26 and she is 37, married with two kids. He would mention anything and everything from her telling him how good he looked that day, (which was almost everyday) to how funny she is, etc. This happened every night until after 2 months or so, I heard enough of her name and discussed my feelings with him. I told him I am glad he made some new friends at work but do not want to hear about her everyday and to keep the relationship at work. He said okay and didn't really mention her name much after that.

Last month I noticed he was talking to her on facebook through a private message, this was after work later in the evenings. I was home and sometimes on the same couch with him but didn't ask about it. He never mentioned talking to her, but rarely does with anyone he talks to, so I didn't think anything of it.

Then a few Fridays back he went out for a drink with his coworkers after work. He came home and I guess a few people went to another bar, including her. She text him asking him to come back out and he declined, I wasn't feeling well and we had just bought a house and he was supposed to be at the house working on it. We went to bed and she text him again. This time asking him to be her designated driver, come share stories but come only if he wants to. The texts went back and forth but he never went back out. Fast forward to the next Friday and she text him asking him to pick her up to go out to the bar. He declined again because we were working on our new house. I figured he was texting her this time because of his smirks.

After finding a few more texts and facebook messages, I confronted him. There was a little bantering but nothing sexual from him. (She did ask if she could wear one of her favorite shirts of his that he wears to work if her family came over to our new home because they would be "slumming" it in our neighorborhood, they live in a very prestigious part of town and although we live a minute away from them and also in a great neighborhood it's considered a different part of town.) He said although she was his best friend at work he understood how I felt and would try to keep the relationship at work. She was going on vacation the next week so I'm pretty sure there was no communication.

Now I find a ton of emails from her using company email that have nothing to do with work. She always asks him to bring her a snack or drinks, ask where he is, etc. He never initiates the emails but does respond and there have been hundreds. When he doesn't repsond she asks why. She is constantly chatting him up and I am afraid he will get in trouble because of all the non work related emails. I also think she is emtionally attached to him. I confronted him again this time about the emails specifically and he said he would have a conversation with her because he did already tell her the frequent emails were annoying when he was trying to get work done. It has been a week and he still has not said anything to her.

I have alot of issues with the situation and am driving myself crazy. I am always wondering how many times she emails or texts him during the day and find myself checking his phone when I can, which is hard because he always has it on him due to work. I feel like a hawk and hate that I feel this way. Should I be feeling this way or is this relationship inappropriate? Please help before I go nuts! Thanks!


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## Jeff/BC

Personally, I feel like you are both nuts.

From his side... "Why the heck isn't he honoring the concerns of the woman he claims to love even if they are unfounded? Why isn't the concern itself enough to generate action? The whole clothes swapping thing is just plain over-the-top and needed to be shut down the moment it occurred."

From your side... "Given that you have zero evidence of him doing anything wrong, why are you spying on your husband? You need to take a chill pill and realize that work relationships are still relationships and they have a social aspect to them. Jealousy and insecurity are not good lodestones for steering a marriage."

I think that what you should "feel" is that you and your husband are not operating as a team. That, in and of itself, is a significant problem in my mind. I'd be wanting to address that and "get on the same page -- for real."


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## unbelievable

She's only doing what he encourages. It's his job, his co-worker, his responsibility. Nobody persists in a course of action unless they receive some sort of reward. Her contact will stop the day he quits responding to it.


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## NextTimeAround

Just a thought but.......suggest to your husband that if he doesn't report her to HR, you will on that basis that 

1. she is using company assets to engage in non company business
2. potential harassment (she could potentially accuse him of it when she gets tired of the arrangement.)
3. and in particular, if she is senior to him.

Anybody else with more experience in this area, what are the pros and cons of this suggestion?


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## dymo

This is your husband's responsibility. That said...

The next time your husband and his coworkers have a get-together, tag along. Insert yourself between him and her. Don't be hostile, be friendly and have fun. Make the fact that your husband has a wife that much more real to her. This won't phase all potential OW, but I'd imagine it'll deter some. 

She's married. If all else fails, you can go nuclear and have a talk with her husband.


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## Leahcar1985

Thank you for the comments. When I first confronted him about it I felt like he was only saying he understood to pacify me. I do feel horrible for reading his emails, texts and facebook messages and know it’s not right, but I needed answers and he wasn't really giving me any other than he'll do better and deal with her. But when I found out he was still responding at work it made me upset and anxious. I really just want to make sure for my own sanity that even though nothing sexual is going on, that this relationship has gone too far. I even told him I don’t want him to confront her just because I think it’s wrong, (even though I want this dealt with ASAP so it doesn't lead into something more) he needs to realize that she has gone too far as well.


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## Leahcar1985

dymo said:


> This is your husband's responsibility. That said...
> 
> The next time your husband and his coworkers have a get-together, tag along. Insert yourself between him and her. Don't be hostile, be friendly and have fun. Make the fact that your husband has a wife that much more real to her. This won't phase all potential OW, but I'd imagine it'll deter some.
> 
> She's married. If all else fails, you can go nuclear and have a talk with her husband.


I was actually thinking about doing this. But since I'm not sure when the next get together will be I thought I'd take him lunch on Monday and if we meet be friendly but make sure she knows we love each other. And of course, make sure I look unbelievable.


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## ShawnD

dymo said:


> This is your husband's responsibility. That said...
> 
> The next time your husband and his coworkers have a get-together, tag along. Insert yourself between him and her. Don't be hostile, *be friendly and have fun*.


This should probably be underlined a few times. If you're a jerk to the other woman, she'll step up her game and _really_ try to get with your husband just to spite you. 

Trust me, I'm a guy. This is how we do things. Your boyfriend is a douche? That sucks! Come over to my place and I'll make dinner for you


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## Entropy3000

Your husband is being an idiot. He needs to shut this down completely. No facebook. No emails. No texts.
Tell him this is unaccpetable. He needs to be blunt with this woman. This is not about work but about a woman using work to puruse your husband. he is allowing this by not shutting this down. This is exactly what MEM was talking about in his thread, about a psouse not shutting down a predator. No doubt your husband ia enjoying this too much.

In no way should you take a chill pill. A good spouse does exactly as you are doing, and in fact you have been way too easy on this already.

Transparency. You just proved how important it is to stop this [email protected] before it goes too far.

Ultimately if the shinnigans continue and they continue into an EA you hve every right to notify his HR department. I am not suggetsing it is there yet. I am just helping you with setting some boundariea and actions you can take if this gets further out of hand. This is a somewhat nuclear option but all options should be considered if the marriage is the #1 priority.


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## Tiberius

I discovered recently that my husband has been friendly with a coworker. They have 'clicked' together and have been meeting for coffee in the canteen, talking about things.
She is 15 years younger than him, married with no kids.
When I confronted him( after DD cought him talking to her on Skype), he said they were friends and nothing else has happened. I gave him an ultimatum, he had to sever all contacts with her, give me all paswords or I will throw him out and ask for divorce. Although this might seem too strong, I had no proof that what he was telling me was the true, what if the EA has progressed to an affair? I had to play hard, nip this in the bud.
He did that as he knew the consequences if he did not act. He also knows that I am watching him, that I have zero trust in him and that if I find out that he is seeing her( and he knows I can, from his colleagues), there is no way back.I will confront her and also go and see her husband.

So, you need to lay the boundaries down, tell him how much this is bothering you and that he needs to stop any contact with her. Then, if you find evidence to the contrary, report her at work and inform her husband.
One thing to bear in mind is that she is not to blame entirely, your husband is guilty too for encouraging it..


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## Entropy3000

NextTimeAround said:


> Just a thought but.......suggest to your husband that if he doesn't report her to HR, you will on that basis that
> 
> 1. she is using company assets to engage in non company business
> 2. potential harassment (she could potentially accuse him of it when she gets tired of the arrangement.)
> 3. and in particular, if she is senior to him.
> 
> Anybody else with more experience in this area, what are the pros and cons of this suggestion?


He does not need to report her. He needs to shut her down. He is encouraging her.

But yes he could go to HR.

If the woman persists, even with him shutting her down then he needs to go to HR. IF he refuses then his wife should report this to his HR. No joke. 

I am very confident he can shut this down without any of this added drama.


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## the guy

Tell her husband to control his wife and stop asking your husband out.

You will get better results if both you and the OWH start keeping a closer eye on things.

Whats wrong with having another set of eyes on things?

It may be just as simple as informing the OWH that his wife is not behaving as though he was always around or even her inappropreaite behavior could lead to HR issues.

So do your research find this guy and ask him for help in supporting a marriage.

Make no misstake, boundries are being crossed with late night calls/texting.


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## NextTimeAround

Entropy3000 said:


> He does not need to report her. He needs to shut her down. He is encouraging her.
> 
> But yes he could go to HR.
> 
> If the woman persists, even with him shutting her down then he needs to go to HR. IF he refuses then his wife should report this to his HR. No joke.
> 
> *I am very confident he can shut this down without any of this added drama.*


That is, if he wants to.


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## golfergirl

NextTimeAround said:


> That is, if he wants to.


Had he dealt with this from the get-go, it wouldn't have gone this far. No one likes to be rejected and it could have been as simple as a 'no thanks'. That said, I'd say maybe she does like rejection. Pretty brazen of her to ask him to DD her. To get up and ditch family to DD her.
I'd be firm with hubby. His choice how to stop it, but you're not waiting around to find out how. It's your boundary and he chooses to respect it or it will be time to either walk or blow it all out of the water. Women like her make me sick.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

NextTimeAround said:


> That is, if he wants to.


I donlt think he does or he would have already. That is why I bring up more serious options that should never be needed. 

She needs to read him the riot act. She does not need to be patient about it either. The longer this goes on the longer this goes on and then the serious [email protected] hits the fan.


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## CandieGirl

Some women are such C's that way...I agree, show up at the next company outing, and show her who his WIFE is.


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## keko

Find the husband of his coworker and talk to him about it. Express your concern's. If it goes on like this for a little longer your husband might fall for her tricks and have an affair. If its not your husband it'll be someone elses.


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## Leahcar1985

I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.


One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.


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## Leahcar1985

We also do not have kids yet, she has two young boys.


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## Entropy3000

the guy said:


> Tell her husband to control his wife and stop asking your husband out.
> 
> You will get better results if both you and the OWH start keeping a closer eye on things.
> 
> Whats wrong with having another set of eyes on things?
> 
> It may be just as simple as informing the OWH that his wife is not behaving as though he was always around or even her inappropreaite behavior could lead to HR issues.
> 
> So do your research find this guy and ask him for help in supporting a marriage.
> 
> Make no misstake, boundries are being crossed with late night calls/texting.


I like this. I don't know why I was thinking she was unattached. 

The thing is that this guy is flirting with his marriage AND his job. He is effing up.


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## that_girl

Those smirks are the worst...


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## golfergirl

Leahcar1985 said:


> I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.
> 
> 
> One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.


He is encouraging her. No one but an idiot would put themselves so out there without encouragement from your H.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl

Leahcar1985 said:


> I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.
> 
> 
> One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.


No, Leah, don't back down now...you're initial post indicated that you were very unhappy with this situation, yet now, you're saying you don't think you need to involve HR or OW's husband. Maybe not HR, but definitely the husband. Why should you be the only one going through this? Never mind nipping this in the bud. Cut down the phuckin' tree!


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## Entropy3000

Leahcar1985 said:


> I dont think it's to the point where HR or her husband need to get involved. But he does need to say something to her. Alot of the contact is friendly talk but it's the few that make me wonder.
> 
> 
> One of the emails I found was about a napkin she had left for him, apparently she has a bunch of them and it has some quote pertaining to her, inside joke, I guess. She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt. Anyway, before I found this email I found the napkin underneath his laptop on the coffee table at home. I didn't know what it was so I left it. Well turns out it was the napkin she gave him. In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office. Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings? So the day after I found this email I threw the napkin away and left a few of our wedding photos, one of me that he is particulariy fond of in his padflio so he could hang them up in his office intead of the stooopid napkin.


This hits home for me. My wife saved our marriage by intervening in a workplace EA of mine. I ultimately listened to my wife and went NC. To do so I quit a very significant position. 

Either you catch this stuff soon and shut it down or there are major issues brewing that will continue to escalate with very bad consequences.


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## that_girl

Pretty soon there will be "work travels" and the such.

Nip this.


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## Mavash.

He could stop it if he wanted to. Truth is he doesn't he calls her his 'best friend' at work.

The thread title is misleading. The coworker would happily leave him alone if HE wanted her to.


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## the guy

I think the OW likes a challeng, and confronting her is just more fuel.

Expose to OWH, doing this alone is hard, gets some support from OWH.

There's two of them and only one of you, even up the odds in stopping this by getting OWH involved.


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## t_hopper_2012

While your husband isn't handling this as well as he could, it doesn't appear that he's crossed any huge boundaries (for instance, he declined twice to interact with her 1::1 after she had been drinking those two Friday nights ... good for him). The married co-worked, on the other hand, is WAY outside her boundaries: the late night texts to get picked up at the bar (hoping they turn into a booty call, maybe? - why not call her own husband?), the frequent non-work emails at work (get me a snack, wtf?). She is pushing hard to turn this into something more.

As a team, you need to do three things. 1) Your husband needs to recognize how inappropriate this situation is. If he doesn't see it then you might want to bring in a 3rd party (trusted friend, clergy, counselor) to get some outside perspective. 2) Your husband needs to go to HR and file a complaint. That's the only thing that will shut her down. 3) If steps 1&2 don't get her to back off, then bring her husband into the mix. He's probably wondering what's going on with her anyway, it wouldn't hurt to bring him up to speed.


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## CandieGirl

...chainsaw...


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## keko

t_hopper_2012 said:


> As a team, you need to do three things. 1) Your husband needs to recognize how inappropriate this situation is. If he doesn't see it then you might want to bring in a 3rd party (trusted friend, clergy, counselor) to get some outside perspective. 2) Your husband needs to go to HR and file a complaint. That's the only thing that will shut her down. 3) If steps 1&2 don't get her to back off, then bring her husband into the mix. He's probably wondering what's going on with her anyway, it wouldn't hurt to bring him up to speed.


^^I disagree on option 2. He'll very likely lose his job if it went to the HR. Its is very possible to end it without involving other parties into the mix. 

Coworkers husband needs to know ASAP.


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## Entropy3000

Ok, so let me filip the genders here a second.

If this was a 37 year old man pursuing a 26 year old wife and doing all of these things, I as husband would have engaged this even sooner. No way would her going out to bars with this guy would be acceptable unless I was there. Her not shutting this guy down would be a huge red flag. The guy texting my wife to come out to a bar where he was at to be the DD would be the final straw. 

I would insist she go NC with this guy AND I would talk to him face to face. It would have been up to her to handle this. But this getting this far out of hand would indicate she was not handling this well so I would step in. I would also inform the predators spouse that her hsuband better stay away or HR will be involved and that he would also have to deal with me personally.

I think there is a small window here where he can shut this down cleanly. Realize though she may be a bunny boiler.


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## golfergirl

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok, so let me filip the genders here a second.
> 
> If this was a 37 year old man pursuing a 26 year old wife and doing all of these things, I as husband would have engaged this even sooner. No way would her going out to bars with this guy would be acceptable unless I was there. Her not shutting this guy down would be a huge red flag. The guy texting my wife to come out to a bar where he was at to be the DD would be the final straw.
> 
> I would insist she go NC with this guy AND I would talk to him face to face. It would have been up to her to handle this. But this getting this far out of hand would indicate she was not handling this well so I would step in. I would also inform the predators spouse that her hsuband better stay away or HR will be involved and that he would also have to deal with me personally.
> 
> I think there is a small window here where he can shut this down cleanly. Realize though she may be a bunny boiler.


I agree with the gender. Switch scenario. My H would do the exact same thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Leahcar1985

It helps hearing everyone's advice here, I have had so much anxiety over this because I thought I was being dumb and overreacting. I have never felt this way about anything in our marriage and knew it must mean something if I feel this way, even if he says they are just friends.

I don't understand why he hasn't said anything to her this past week when he said he would. Is he waiting to make sure he says the right thing so their work relationship doesn't crumble? They are both in management in the hospital, different depts. but do interact with each other. I don't want to bug him about it because he said after our second conversation about it that I was beating a dead horse... I think he started to realize she was being a little inappropriate, but maybe not as much as I think.


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## CandieGirl

Mavash. said:


> He could stop it if he wanted to. Truth is he doesn't he calls her his 'best friend' at work.
> 
> The thread title is misleading. The coworker would happily leave him alone if HE wanted her to.


I don't know, Mavash...I'm not excusing the OPs husband by any means, but this OW seems to be laying it on a little thick, too. She's after this guy!


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## CandieGirl

Leahcar1985 said:


> the stooopid napkin.


Find a way to tell this woman that you wiped your rear end with her stoooooopid napkin. C!


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## Leahcar1985

It did hurt a little when he said "best friend". I know he is leading her on, I mentioned that to him and that she feeds on his replies. He is giving her the attention she needs.


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## unbelievable

NextTimeAround said:


> Just a thought but.......suggest to your husband that if he doesn't report her to HR, you will on that basis that
> 
> 1. she is using company assets to engage in non company business
> 2. potential harassment (she could potentially accuse him of it when she gets tired of the arrangement.)
> 3. and in particular, if she is senior to him.
> 
> Anybody else with more experience in this area, what are the pros and cons of this suggestion?


 You only know part of this story. The problem with investigations is that you never know where the evidence is going to lead. Odds are very good your husband isn't a complete saint. If, at your prodding, he tosses crap into the fan and some flies back on himself, guess who he will blame? If he makes a decision that ends up terminating his employment, I'd prefer it to be his decision, alone.


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## Shaggy

Your husband is being very passive here and that is encouraging her. 

My advice would be the following rules:

1. He can go out to bars and socializing with her when and only when you are along too. 
2. He doesn't respond to her messages or texts after work or on the weekend
3. When he goes to work see if you can rub some of you perfume on him as you hug him goodbye. It's your marking your territory. 
4. New rule for him : he tells you of any and all non work related contact with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash.

CandieGirl said:


> I don't know, Mavash...I'm not excusing the OPs husband by any means, but this OW seems to be laying it on a little thick, too. She's after this guy!


So what would YOU do if you were in that situation? What would you do if some married man was after you?


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## CandieGirl

I'd point out that I wasn't available obviously. And if he persisted, I'd tell my husband and let HIM take care of the guy...whichever way he chooses.

Anyways, this case sounds as though it's already reached EA status. He was going home talking about her all the time to his wife? One of the first red flags.


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## EleGirl

Your husband is a manager. He's setting himself up for a sexual harrassment law suit. He is definately encouraging her and it will back fire.

You need to get copies of as many of the emails and face book messages as you can. He might need these as defense for his job down the line.

After getting copies of as many of them as possible, go talk to her husband. Give him copies of the emails of her chasing your husband. Ask him to help break up the EA.

Then you need to put heavy pressure on your husband to end this. He needs to find another job ASAP. He needs to get away from her.

The boundary you need to esptablish is that either he stops all interaction with her except business, works to recover your marriage or your marriage is over. It's really that serious.


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## Coffee Amore

This woman is coming on strong. Either she's very clueless about how inappropriate her actions are or, more likely, she's got some attachment to your husband. I suspect it's the latter. Your husband isn't shutting her down so she knows he enjoys her attention and admiration. This is a slow-motion train wreck waiting to happen. I like Shaggy's post above about boundaries. Your husband shouldn't be seeing this woman outside of work. He shouldn't be at bars or restaurants with her. He shouldn't text for anything other than work related reasons. They don't need to be Facebook friends. He should limit interactions to work and leave her at work where she belongs.

Read the book Not "Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. You'll see how workplace affairs start. They often start as friendships that morph into something more with off-site texting, personal phone calls to each other, Facebook interactions, etc. 

Any friend your spouse has should be a friend to the marriage meaning they shouldn't try to put a wedge between the married couple. This woman isn't a friend to your marriage. 

You're not being insecure. It's ok to be jealous and concerned. There are inappropriate interactions here. Anyone with two good eyes can see that. I think you're being naive and way too accommodating to your husband regarding this matter. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but if some (older) woman came on that strong to my (younger) husband (texting him constantly, asking him to come pick her up at a bar, flattering him, all sorts of inside jokes, etc.) the gloves would come off. I wouldn't go to HR (honestly HR exists for management not the employees...my impression of HR at my work place), but I would have a very clear conversation with my husband about his boundaries, and if that wasn't enough, I would talk to the other spouse. Are you planning to grit your teeth and just seethe inside? What are YOU planning to DO?

As an aside, are you to having problems in other areas of your marriage? How do you feel your marriage is otherwise?


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## eowyn

Leahcar1985 said:


> It did hurt a little when he said "best friend". I know he is leading her on, I mentioned that to him and that she feeds on his replies. He is giving her the attention she needs.


I don't know the definition of an EA, but after reading the napkin and other stories thus far, I would like to ask the forum experts, it this not an EA already? I especially find the following references problematic where she says (1) "she will get *hurt* if he doesn't keep the napkin" and he responds back saying "he wld never do such a heinous thing and pins it as if its a trophy" .. (2) also from the initial post "..if she could wear one of her favorite shirts of his that he wears to work". why comment on each others clothes to this extent that they know what the favorites are and then bring it up in subsequent conversations? 

Also as most mention it is certain that the other woman is after OP's husband and he keeps encouraging it. However I feel this is more than just encouraging. Is this not active participation? We have bits and pieces of the entire communication, and it is difficult to say who is the bigger culprit.

Also looks like OP and H got a new house which is 1min away from where OW stays. I am wondering ..does OW has anything to do with the location of the new house? Did she recommend this location to him? Does she foresee OP's husband help her with the grocery bags in a few yrs. 

I am wondering if there is a way for OP to meet this woman, and possibly her husband? Maybe invite the entire family for lunch or meet them for lunch outside... (of course, casually without any drama). After all she is the husband's best friend  It would not only give OP a chance to study her enemy but also to see what the deal is with the other woman's husband. We (and probably OP as well) has no information about this guy. It would be good to meet him if possible, so she can get in touch with him later in this context if required.

Also, as others mention checking husband's emails etc in this situation is not just acceptable, but probably required. I think OP is doing a good job with that!


----------



## Entropy3000

EAs can be very broad. But they involve an emotional bond, which means emotional needs are being met.
I see an EA as when the brian chemicals are impacting behaviors and decision making.

So yes, I think this is at least at the beginning of an EA. That said it does not mean that both parties are at the same level in the EA. It is also possible that one of them is more of a predator.


----------



## that_girl

OW is a total bunny boiler.

Be careful!!


----------



## Leahcar1985

We did purchase the house before he started his job, so I know that it was just coincidence that we live so close to each other. After he was talking about her for a few weeks, I suggested we get together with her and her family because he kept saying how funny she was. He said he didn't want to because she had kids and we don't. But then he said they should come over to check out the renovations we did, so I’m confused. Now I'm not sure I can get together with her and her husband because I feel so much resentment towards her.

I mentioned to my husband that when he has conversations at work about his day the conversations at home start to diminish, which they had, partly my fault because I shut down when my feelings are hurt.

Her relationship with her husband must not be too bad because they just got back from a family trip to FL.

I have read about EA’s on this site and that was my major motivation to try and nip this in the butt as soon as I could. I know if I had not said anything to him a couple weeks ago he would still be texting and facebooking her outside of work even if it is just friendly talk. He also said that she is friendly with everyone at work, but I don’t think she’s emailing everyone else like she has to him.


----------



## EleGirl

Her family trip to FL does not mean anything in regards to her chasing your husband. People compartimentalize with their marriage and affairs. 

Talk to her husband. Let him know that there is a problem. She will get so busy trying to save her own marriage that she will most likely leave your husband alone.


----------



## Leahcar1985

I also noticed this week he started deleting his work emails. Which I found odd because it is normal for him to keep emails, just doesn’t delete them. He had me look at something on his computer last month and I noticed he had 645 emails in his read inbox. I actually mentioned he should go through them and get rid of emails he didn't need.


----------



## dymo

He's deleting his e-mails?

Get a keylogger.


----------



## Leahcar1985

dymo said:


> He's deleting his e-mails?
> 
> Get a keylogger.


All of his emails to her are sent through his phone.


----------



## keko

Leahcar1985 said:


> I also noticed this week he started deleting his work emails. Which I found odd because it is normal for him to keep emails, just doesn’t delete them. He had me look at something on his computer last month and I noticed he had 645 emails in his read inbox. I actually mentioned he should go through them and get rid of emails he didn't need.





Leahcar1985 said:


> All of his emails to her are sent through his phone.


His "affair" went underground. It'll be much harder for you to track him and his message/texts. You need to find the husband of his coworker and expose it to him. The longer you wait the higher the chances of it going physical.


----------



## Entropy3000

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Leah, one thing to keep in mind about women like this. She may not even *want* your husband for him; they do it for the power. They get a real ego rush taking another woman's man...in their minds, it reaffirms their own sexiness, desirablilty and self-worth.
> 
> A few years back at a company dinner, a co-worker of my husband's was trying to flirt with him. I walked over to them, and she had the ballz to lay her hand on his arm in a flirtacious way, right in front of me, and say, "He's such a gem. Someone might try to steal him away." I didn't like the comment. *I looked her right in the eye and said, "I wouldn't want to be the woman who tries it." * She removed her hand and backed off. Thankfully she no longer works there.
> 
> That's the approach I would take. Not everyone will agree, and most are more diplomatic than I. But I say a woman who is actively scheming to take your man doesn't deserve to be handled with kid gloves.
> 
> I stand by what I say. Everything your husband is doing is sending a clear signal that he likes it and wants it to continue.
> 
> I really hate saying this but I think he's already having an EA and you need to act FAST. Deleting e-mails is a huge red flag...and 645 of them? Holy cow. That's more than work-related.


Well done.


----------



## Leahcar1985

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Leah, one thing to keep in mind about women like this. She may not even *want* your husband for him; they do it for the power. They get a real ego rush taking another woman's man...in their minds, it reaffirms their own sexiness, desirablilty and self-worth.
> 
> I really hate saying this but I think he's already having an EA and you need to act FAST. Deleting e-mails is a huge red flag...and 645 of them? Holy cow. That's more than work-related.


The 645 were in one of his personal email accounts, not work account, but that's why I found it odd, he never bothered to delete any emails either work or personal before.


----------



## Leahcar1985

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> That's why the red flag. Something about their communication has changed, something he doesn't want you to see.


_Posted via Mobile Device_

I'm not sure, I think since he knows I'm looking at his emails he is deleting hers even the friendly ones because then I have more fuel.


----------



## dymo

Leahcar1985 said:


> All of his emails to her are sent through his phone.


You may still be able to monitor it. What type of phone?


----------



## Leahcar1985

dymo said:


> You may still be able to monitor it. What type of phone?


iphone


----------



## keko

Leahcar1985 said:


> iphone


Does he sync it to a computer?

You can get a backup of deleted texts.


----------



## Leahcar1985

keko said:


> Does he sync it to a computer?
> 
> You can get a backup of deleted texts.


He syncs it to his Macbook occasionally. I'm not sure if he is deleting text, he still has the earlier ones from her. I think he's deleting their correspondence on his work account.


----------



## that_girl

What a mess!

He's in an EA. Anyone who puts this much drama into their life when he could SO EASILY nip it, is in an EA.

No matter what he says, he digs this attention and this chick.


----------



## keko

Leahcar1985 said:


> He syncs it to his Macbook occasionally. I'm not sure if he is deleting text, he still has the earlier ones from her. I think he's deleting their correspondence on his work account.


Go on his computer and,

How to Access and Read the iPhone SMS Text Message Backup Files

OR

http://www.iphonebackupextractor.com/


----------



## t_hopper_2012

The deleted emails and texts takes this to a new new level, unfortunately. Time to get digging.


----------



## moxy

He's giving her the impression that her attention is something he wants. Until he tells her to back off, she won't. He's inviting the attention. You should ask him to choose between being married to you and being flirty with this sleazy office chick. If he hesitates to cut her off entirely, you should leave him (because it means he's a cake eater). You should monitor to make sure he is doing this, with kelogger. And, if possible, you should try to convince him to get a different job so she isn't around.

This is definitely an emotional affair. It might be a secret physical affair. You need to gather some intel.


----------



## dymo

If he's deleting emails, what makes you think he's not deleting texts?


----------



## Eli-Zor

EleGirl said:


> Talk to her husband. Let him know that there is a problem. She will get so busy trying to save her own marriage that she will most likely leave your husband alone.


Good advice , action speaks louder than words. I would suggest in addition to her husband call her boss and mention there are inappropriate overtures from this woman and it would not be in the interest of the company for this to be made public. Hint you have evidence and mention they are using company equipment but do not reveal how you obtained it.

Be confident and calm when you make these calls and do not tell your husband. If he finds out remember your marriage can survive his anger it cannot survive an affair. If he threatens you smile and suggest you can always send the evidence you have to his HR director and that his position would be made worse .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Leahcar1985 said:


> She asked if he found the one she left for him on his desk in his office and asked if he had thrown it away, because if he had she would be hurt.
> 
> In his reply back to her he said he would never do such a henious thing, and that it was at home and he would bring it in a hang it on his pin board in his office.
> 
> Then she said you wouldn't throw it away or hurt my feelings?


This is so out of line. She is encouraging him to make her "special" and guard that specialness. He is agreeing to it, going so far as to say that the tossing away of a napkin is "heinous". Why should a napkin have such significance? What the hell kind of guy protects a napkin? It only had significance because it is a token of their connection and relationship. She is pushing him to make her more and more precious and he is agreeing to it. He is NOT innocent here, totally complicit. He's pretending to you that it is unwanted attention, when in fact he is very actively inviting it.

You need to contact OMH. You need to expose the hell out of this fool's moronic behavior (your husband, I mean; his AP is a complete sleaze, btw, who knows exactly what she is doing) so he realizes how ridiculous it is. And, you need to tell him to drop this woman or be prepared for a divorce.

I'm sorry, but if so much sentiment is built up over a napkin, this relationship between the two of them goes much deeper than you're allowing yourself to admit.


----------



## moxy

Leahcar1985 said:


> After he was talking about her for a few weeks, I suggested we get together with her and her family because he kept saying how funny she was...But then he said they should come over to check out the renovations we did, so I’m confused.


He set that up completely so that you'd be the one encouraging his connection to these people and he could later deny his own agenda. He's manipulated you. See it for what it is. He's talked about her for weeks, made pathetic excuses about why they shouldn't hang out together, and then finally "conceded" to your encouragement. I bet he's hiding far more than you suspect. Are you sure they didn't know each other before meeting at work?



Leahcar1985 said:


> Now I'm not sure I can get together with her and her husband because I feel so much resentment towards her.


The ONLY reason you should be getting together with these people is to expose and confront. And after that -- no more contact at all!

Their behavior has been so ridiculous that exposing should effectively kill that affair. Jokes about precious napkins and favorite shirts? Are they 12? 



Leahcar1985 said:


> He also said that she is friendly with everyone at work, but I don’t think she’s emailing everyone else like she has to him.


This is a classic deflector move. He is trying to minimize. He is trying to throw you off the scent by making it seem like you're jealous and overreacting. He knows perfectly well that she is congenial with others and also that her relationship with him is inappropriate and yet he is trying to make it seem totally acceptable because he is way deep in FOG.

Seriously....please don't rug sweep this situation. Keylogger, VAR, expose their idiotic behavior, and confront.


----------



## Posse

Your husband is playing the innocent victim card.

He is lying.

This woman is not holding a gun to his head. He is choosing each time to continue flirting with her.

Through simple body language indicating no interest, or verbal disengagement, he could stop this at any time. He is choosing each and every time not to. 

Unless he is mentally challenged, he knows exactly what game he is playing. You need to get to the issue of why he wants to jeapordize your marriage by playing it.

If it were my spouse, I'd be going high order on my spouse, first for doing it, and second for thinking I was stupid enough to believe the b.s. excuses


----------



## Leahcar1985

We talked again last night, mainly for my sake because I don't want this to go any further. He thinks I'm blowing the whole situation way out of proportion, probably because I keep going back to the same stuff. He said he didn't care about her or her emails, texts or messages and after our last conversation he said he has done better with not emailing her back about her non work related inquiries. He did have lunch with her and 3 other people from her dept. last week and said he didn't talk to her because he was swamped and they didn't really see eachother much this week. I really pushed that he have the conversation with her tomorrow.


----------



## Posse

Leahcar1985 said:


> We talked again last night, mainly for my sake because I don't want this to go any further. He thinks I'm blowing the whole situation way out of proportion, probably because I keep going back to the same stuff. He said he didn't care about her or her emails, texts or messages and after our last conversation he said he has done better with not emailing her back about her non work related inquiries. He did have lunch with her and 3 other people from her dept. last week and said he didn't talk to her because he was swamped and they didn't really see eachother much this week. I really pushed that he have the conversation with her tomorrow.


He doesn't care about her emails and texts? Than have him block her phone and show you each and every email communication from her going forward.

He has done better now? What does that mean? He went from 9/10 to 8/10? Have him prove it. 

Really? He didn't talk to her last week? Do you buy that?

She is trolling for d!ck. He is a fish eagerly nibbling on the bait.

I wish I could tell you differently, but I'd rather you know the truth from a guy's perspective.


----------



## that_girl

Bravo, Moxy. And Amen, Posse.

Dude. This is bad stuff.


----------



## Posse

I've reread this thread.

He could have chased her off at the first ten words. He didn't.

For your marriage, you need to find out why.

He could have cut it off any number of times since.

For your marriage, you need to find out why.

I have been there. It isn't hard to shut it down.He had a MINUMUM of 6 opportunities to say no where this woman would have understood what he was saying. 

He chose not to.

Think about that.


He was too lazy to try to press the easy button. Why? I'm not saying you are responsible, but think about why he was willing to risk his marriage. 

Something is lacking from your marriage. It might not be on your end. Something is lacking nonetheless.

*The problem isn't with the married coworker-- the problem is with your husband!!*


----------



## CandieGirl

No contact, no contact, no contact....the only way to go.


----------



## DayDream

She's obviously a disrespecting jerk. I have a friend-relationship with a guy at work for 16 years now. We have lunch, B.S. at work and such. My husband and I took our kid to his kid's B-day party one time. I, however, was always aware of appropriate behavior. I knew where the boundaries were. I never texted him, called him, etc... I knew that would bother his wife. It was strictly a friendship and I did everything to make sure the friendship was not affecting their marriage because I know what I would feel like if it was my husband and another woman having a friendship. 

She's an a$$ and she don't give a crap about your feelings or his marriage. She needs to go.


----------



## Leahcar1985

My husband wasn't able to talk to her today because he was at his second campus most of the day and only saw her in the morning for their meeting. He was the one to bring it up right away when we were talking about his day. Guess they wore the same color shirt and she was all excited about it. He said she text and emailed him three or four times today and he did not respond to any of them. "She is getting a little pissy" is what he said. The first text said "Oh how it would be so nice to have a quenching Diet Coke for my meeting." The second text said something about him being a J/A and then she emailed him an hour and half later saying “You’re in big, big trouble young man!” 

We’ll see what tomorrow brings!


----------



## CandieGirl

I wonder what she'd do if you picked up the phone and told her to go get her own bloody Diet Coke...Jeez!


----------



## vi_bride04

It's good he is showing such dis-interest with her and her fit throwing. It shows his heart and head are with you, his wife.

It's also good that you are drawing attention to this now. Most guys are clueless when it comes to a sucubus like this woman......had it gone on much longer and there would probably be quite a few problems.

GUYS - JUST LISTEN TO YOUR WOMAN WHEN THEY SAY ANOTHER WOMAN IS TROUBLE!!!!


----------



## Leahcar1985

She is obsessed, she text him tonight saying they should plan another matching outfits day for tomorrow and her husband thinks so as well. Husband didn't repspond so she facebook messaged him right away saying thanks for all the no replies today. :wtf:

I wanted to say something to her but knew I shouldn't and husband said I couldn't and he would have the conversation with her tomorrow.


----------



## CandieGirl

Sorry. What conversation is your husband planning on having with this broad? I hope he isn't going to take it underground. Did you do anything about this, other than talk to your husband? Such as going to HER husband? Maybe a little more involvement on your part is needed at this point. I don't think I'd be able to leave this in the hands of my husband, in your place. Actually, I wasn't able to leave it...


----------



## Leahcar1985

CandieGirl said:


> Sorry. What conversation is your husband planning on having with this broad? I hope he isn't going to take it underground. Did you do anything about this, other than talk to your husband? Such as going to HER husband? Maybe a little more involvement on your part is needed at this point. I don't think I'd be able to leave this in the hands of my husband, in your place. Actually, I wasn't able to leave it...


I guess about the inappropiatness of all her texts, messages and emails. I kinda would like him to let her know I'm upset. Not sure if he should?? I have not talked to her husband or HR.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CandieGirl

Just be mindful that he's not just paying you lipservice...ie, coming home tomorrow saying "Ok, I've spoken to her and she's promised not to text/FB/email anymore...". I'd be very wary of that, as he could very well be setting up an alternate means of communication, in order to keep you 'happy'. Know what I mean? But then, I'm way more suspicious than a lot of other people...

Logging off for now, but good luck, keep your eyes and ears open and keep us posted.


----------



## Love Song

Let me tell you about male female friendships. Once one has feelings for the other (that goes beyond a friendship) and has acted on it you have now crossed the friendship line and it can not continue. He is saying she is his best friend at work yet she clearly likes him IMO. Nope doesn't work that way. Once you've crossed that line there's no going back. 

Personally I think that he likes the attention. 

You don't need to do anything. He needs to put a stop to this now. Your husband doesn't have strong boundaries which is cause for more trouble.


----------



## Coffee Amore

Leahcar1985 said:


> She is obsessed, she text him tonight saying they should plan another matching outfits day for tomorrow and her husband thinks so as well. Husband didn't repspond so she facebook messaged him right away saying thanks for all the no replies today. :wtf:
> 
> I wanted to say something to her but knew I shouldn't and husband said I couldn't and he would have the conversation with her tomorrow.


Say what? Her husband thinks that she should be coordinating her outfit with another man? What kind of husband makes that kind of comment? She's making stuff up. She sounds very immature. 

Your husband should send a written message to her - text or Facebook - telling her to stop. Talking to her in person isn't enough for me if I were in your shoes. 

What's he going to say to her? I would ask him and I would rehearse what he should say. I can bet she'll say "Oh I was just joking..." or "Can't you take a joke?" ..."Is your wife feeling threatened? *laughs*" 
He should have a clear idea of what he's going to say to her before he sees her. I can just picture her trying to bamboozle him into continuing their personal interactions outside of work.


----------



## Leahcar1985

Coffee Amore said:


> Say what? Her husband thinks that she should be coordinating her outfit with another man? What kind of husband makes that kind of comment? She's making stuff up. She sounds very immature.
> 
> Your husband should send a written message to her - text or Facebook - telling her to stop. Talking to her in person isn't enough for me if I were in your shoes.
> 
> What's he going to say to her? I would ask him and I would rehearse what he should say. I can bet she'll say "Oh I was just joking..." or "Can't you take a joke?" ..."Is your wife feeling threatened? *laughs*"
> He should have a clear idea of what he's going to say to her before he sees her. I can just picture her trying to bamboozle him into continuing their personal interactions outside of work.


Yeah, I think she just said that to have an excuse to text him. Since their responses at work were minutes apart for the last 4 months must be hard with no response at all. Pretty sure she will laugh it off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## eowyn

Leahcar1985 said:


> She is obsessed, she text him tonight saying they should plan another matching outfits day for tomorrow and her husband thinks so as well. Husband didn't repspond so she facebook messaged him right away saying thanks for all the no replies today. :wtf:
> 
> I wanted to say something to her but knew I shouldn't and husband said I couldn't and he would have the conversation with her tomorrow.


I think she probably has some kind of a mental disorder :crazy: You should talk to her husband and ask him to take her to a psychiatrist. This is a weird lady. I wonder how your husband can stand her in the first place! :bounce: Matching outfits! I don't think even kids do that these days.


----------



## Leahcar1985

eowyn said:


> I wonder how your husband can stand her in the first place! :bounce: Matching outfits! I don't think even kids do that these days.


I have thought the same thing. Normally people like her bug the crap out of him, but I guess they don't give him the attention she gives him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## t_hopper_2012

Leahcar1985 said:


> I guess about the inappropiatness of all her texts, messages and emails. I kinda would like him to let her know I'm upset. Not sure if he should?? I have not talked to her husband or HR.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If he has the conversation with her (and let's hope he does) and she doesn't back off, then go to HR.


----------



## CandieGirl

Awhile back, my husband was weak about getting rid of some odd broad from his past. After I stepped in and contacted her myself the problem was solved. She got the point. And so did he. Sometimes, if you want a job done right, you do it yourself.


----------



## BeStrongtoday

Hello there,

I am more of a reader on the forum but would like to say a little.

In some ways with all the emails she sends it is a bit like harassment .. I think you husband should tell her please do not keep sending me emails.

I think it's very weird about the matching outfits and he does need to be careful because what is going thru her mind of either what she wants or is she having some mind of fantasy that she is playing out inner mind and perhaps to make it a reality.

He def need to chat to some one if he cannot go to HR as you don't know if he ignores her what things she might say he needs to cover his back, as this woman does not sound normal.

He also should take a step back and view the situation as if it was a friend and that friend wanted advice, what advice would he give.

I hope your husband can sort this out as it makes you wonder where is it going to end. Obviously she is lacking something in her life or marriage or she is seeing how far she can go for fun ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NextTimeAround

I would not be surprised if your husband's admirer soon starts accusing of him of leading her on. And I bet ya', he will take full blame for it.


----------



## Posse

This lady doesn't sound like she has all of her oars in the water. It sounds like she is really fixated on your husband.

Hopefully your husband is seeing the desperation of this other woman's behavior now and is starting to think, "Crap, what have I gotten myself into here?" 

He needs to break all contact. If he doesn't want to do that, you need to draw a line in the sand and protect your marriage.

You *both* need to be prepared for this woman to get ugly. It might spill over on to you too.

I wouldn't be surprised if she accuses him of leading her on--because he has been....

Even with the most grounded of women, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. This woman is not grounded.


----------



## Leahcar1985

I have a letter ready to mail to their house if he doesn't take care of this today. Probably not the best thing to do but it's gotten out of hand. I found an email last night where she asked him if he was in the building and he said no I'm out getting a late lunch. She replied "well if you had your wife "trained" like you say she would be making your lunches everyday" his rely, "haha". :nono: Needless to say I was more than fuming last night after her text and FB message and finding this email. I think I'll quit snooping in his email account, FB messages and texts because I am beyond the hurt wife, now I am pissed. I think he got the hint last night and will say something to her today, of course he "doesn't want his work relationship to be uncomfortable". :absolut:


----------



## CandieGirl

He sounds very passive about getting rid of her. Grrr. Don't blame you for being pissed!


----------



## vi_bride04

I am dealing with something similar right now (although not to the crazy extent of this woman!!) and I just think guys don't have a clue about intentions of women...

Anyways, this nut job that is stalking your H is crazy. And making comments about his wife not being "trained"?? She is trying to plant seeds of negativity about you in your husbands ear...hope you can nip this in the butt. But it sounds like your husband is already not talking to her as much. Which seems to be driving her crazy. And if your H can see how crazy she truely is, I'm sure he will run away fast.


----------



## iheartlife

*You need to get the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. * It is the best book out there on emotional affairs. It outlines how this type of relationship crosses the line into betrayal and what to do about it.

As someone said, this is already shows all the hallmarks of being an EA.

I don't understand why this post isn't in the Coping with Infedlity section. Ask to have it moved there.

Here is the thing: many people think that cheating on a marriage involves touching someone physically. 

I say, cheating is creating a separate relationship with someone outside the marriage, and allowing that person to be the repository of hopes, dreams, fears, fantasies, and gripes about the spouse. It's not about sex. It's about shutting the spouse out of a parallel secret life.

There's an EA being discussed right now in the CWI section involving a woman whose non-sexual friendship with another woman brought the marriage to the brink. There's another where a woman was constantly on FB with her nephew. This stuff starts INNOCENTLY and slowly and that's how the cheating spouse fools themselves into thinking it's no big deal. Until they're in up to their necks.

My husband had a long-term EA with a coworker, so I should know. We are fully reconciling and recommitted and in counseling.

This post was me...a few years ago.


----------



## Posse

Leahcar1985 said:


> I have a letter ready to mail to their house if he doesn't take care of this today. Probably not the best thing to do but it's gotten out of hand. I found an email last night where she asked him if he was in the building and he said no I'm out getting a late lunch. She replied "well if you had your wife "trained" like you say she would be making your lunches everyday" his rely, "haha". :nono: Needless to say I was more than fuming last night after her text and FB message and finding this email.
> 
> I think I'll quit snooping in his email account, FB messages and texts because I am beyond the hurt wife, now I am pissed.
> 
> DO NOT STOP. If anything, you need to be even more vigilant now.
> 
> I think he got the hint last night and will say something to her today,
> 
> I hope you aren't hinting about this with him. You need to be as subtle as a sledgehammer with him about this.
> 
> Icy cold calm, "This **** Ends Now or you need to start packing."
> 
> of course he "doesn't want his work relationship to be uncomfortable". :absolut:
> 
> He got himself into this mess, he needs to take his medicine. Actions have consequences.
> 
> There is no way this doesn't end uncomfortably.
> 
> Crapping where you eat doesn't ever end well.


----------



## Leahcar1985

Yes, he has limited his contact with her to work-related issues only and she doesn't get the hint even after she asked if she was being too clingy last Thursday and he said yes. But I do see where she wouldn't get it, constant contact and then none. All the more reason to have this "crucial conversation" with her today. She clearly needs medication.


----------



## Jellybeans

YOu should contact her husband and tell him his wife is a bunny boiler who won't leave your hub alone.


----------



## DayDream

Jellybeans said:


> YOu should contact her husband and tell him his wife is a bunny boiler who won't leave your hub alone.


Jellybeans...I just love your style! LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Why, thank you. ::Curtsies::


----------



## Leahcar1985

I have to be honest; I had to look up bunny boiler. Perfect analogy. :iagree:


----------



## notperfectanymore

Oh Hun...please do me a favor and STOP THIS BIOTCH IN HER TRACKS!! Go visit with her hubs...and bring some of those e-mails...meet her somewhere outside and TELL her to leave your man alone....SOMEONE needs to have some balls and it apparently isn't your husband....good luck...


----------



## Leahcar1985

Got the book. Fingers crossed most of this ends today.


----------



## DayDream

I hope and pray so for you. What a pain!


----------



## iheartlife

Leahcar1985 said:


> Got the book. Fingers crossed most of this ends today.


Glad to hear it. And I didn't realize there was an OWH until jellybeans mentioned it. He definitely needs to know about this, particularly with her mental stability in question.


----------



## Leahcar1985

Husband had the conversation with her today. He said, "I haven't responded to your emails and texts the last couple of days because I don't feel it is a healthy and appropriate work relationship and it makes me feel uncomfortable." I guess once he said that her whole demeanor changed and said she was sorry a bunch of times. He said he could tell it hit home for her. And that was the conversation.


----------



## Conrad

Leahcar1985 said:


> Husband had the conversation with her today. He said, "I haven't responded to your emails and texts the last couple of days because I don't feel it is a healthy and appropriate work relationship and it makes me feel uncomfortable." I guess once he said that her whole demeanor changed and said she was sorry a bunch of times. He said he could tell it hit home for her. And that was the conversation.


And that will be the end of it.

You have a good partner.


----------



## Peachy Cat

Leahcar1985 said:


> *He thinks I'm blowing the whole situation way out of proportion,* probably because I keep going back to the same stuff. He said he didn't care about her or her emails, texts or messages and after our last conversation *he said he has done better *with not emailing her back about her non work related inquiries. He did have lunch with her and 3 other people from her dept. last week and said he didn't talk to her because he was swamped and they didn't really see eachother much this week. I really pushed that he have the conversation with her tomorrow.


RED FLAGS! He's defending her to you! 
He's "compromising" on emailing so much so he can say "I'm trying".

NIP IT IN THE BUD or get ready for the real heart ache.

I wish you luck!!


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## that_girl

Did you read/hear that he said this to her?

if not, it probably didn't happen...it just went underground.


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## Peachy Cat

Leahcar1985 said:


> My husband wasn't able to talk to her today because he was at his second campus most of the day and only saw her in the morning for their meeting. *He was the one to bring it up right away when we were talking about his day.* Guess they wore the same color shirt and she was all excited about it. He said she text and emailed him three or four times today and he did not respond to any of them. *"She is getting a little pissy"* is what he said. The first text said "*Oh how it would be so nice to have a quenching Diet Coke for my meeting." *The second text said something about *him being a J/A* and then she emailed him an hour and half later saying “*You’re in big, big trouble young man!” *
> 
> We’ll see what tomorrow brings!


He's bringing it up to play up his part of "trying" to stop her.
She's "getting pissy" ? 
She's setting him up to pay extra attention to her: "diet coke for my meeting" (might as well have said, Sweeeetie, can you pwease bwing me a diet coke... I'm shirsty and I have this meeting") and how does it look to the others when he's her little lap dog??
Big, big trouble... too intimate for coworker talk!!

NIP IT!!


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## that_girl

Ew. She's making an ass of herself :rofl:


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## Peachy Cat

Leahcar1985 said:


> She is obsessed, she text him tonight saying they should plan another matching outfits day for tomorrow and her husband thinks so as well. Husband didn't repspond so she facebook messaged him right away saying thanks for all the no replies today. :wtf:
> 
> I wanted to say something to her but knew I shouldn't and *husband said I couldn't* and he would have the conversation with her tomorrow.




That's a line I would JUMP across with BOTH FEET if my husband told me I "couldn't" confront a woman (any woman)!!

WTF is right!!


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## Peachy Cat

So I was playing "catch up" and didn't start at the end before I started serial posting--sorry 

It sounds like you had all you felt like putting up with and put your foot down, Leah--GOOD FOR YOU.

I'd be watchful for a while, though... just in case they went underground.

AND, if she does even one tiny thing personal--I would DEMAND that he unfriend her, delete her and ALWAYS have others present during their work meetings. AND, I'd go STRAIGHT to her husband. (Who I bet is completely oblivious to all her shenanigans). (I doubt, very seriously, that her husband EVER mentioned them wearing matching shirts...).


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## that_girl

:rofl: :rofl: She's a MORON! :rofl: Matching outfits?  :rofl:

omg. You have nothing to worry about, OP. She's a loony...and a dork! I'm sure your husband is seeing this now.

:rofl: Matching outfits.....and her husband said it was ok?!?!? :rofl:

OMG Stop it!!! :rofl:


----------



## golfergirl

that_girl said:


> :rofl: :rofl: She's a MORON! :rofl: Matching outfits?  :rofl:
> 
> omg. You have nothing to worry about, OP. She's a loony...and a dork! I'm sure your husband is seeing this now.
> 
> :rofl: Matching outfits.....and her husband said it was ok?!?!? :rofl:
> 
> OMG Stop it!!! :rofl:


Let's both wear dresses tomorrow k? Thanks for the memories from grade 1.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

:rofl: I'm still laughing about the 'same shirts'. I texted Hubs and told him we should wear the same outfit tomorrow. He texted back, "Are you drinking?"

:rofl:

She's like that character in "Wedding Crashers"..."And don't try to run cause I'll fiiiind youuuuuuu " :rofl:


----------



## Leahcar1985

that_girl said:


> :rofl: I'm still laughing about the 'same shirts'. I texted Hubs and told him we should wear the same outfit tomorrow. He texted back, "Are you drinking?"
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> She's like that character in "Wedding Crashers"..."And don't try to run cause I'll fiiiind youuuuuuu " :rofl:


Love the responses, I had to laugh too. Hopefully we'll both be able to laugh at her craziness, I'm not sure he feels she was that obsessed though.


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## Rowan

Perhaps it's not that he doesn't think that she's that obsessed, but that he doesn't _mind_ that she is. 

You should monitor your husband for a while yet in case the EA has gone underground. I trusted my husband when he told me he'd had a similar difficult conversation with is too-close just-a-friend, only to discover months down the road that they'd never stopped their "friendship".


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## iheartlife

Rowan said:


> Perhaps it's not that he doesn't think that she's that obsessed, but that he doesn't _mind_ that she is.
> 
> You should monitor your husband for a while yet in case the EA has gone underground. I trusted my husband when he told me he'd had a similar difficult conversation with is too-close just-a-friend, only to discover months down the road that they'd never stopped their "friendship".


EAs are insidious because the two people in them can tell themselves they're not betraying the marriage. One or both people can be in denial until they're in it up to their necks. At that point, if their spouse has been onto how time-consuming (and energy / emotion consuming) the relationship is, they've already been hiding most of it. From there to actively keeping it secret and hiding it is no great leap. And the secrecy adds to the fun of it, it's their special thing. From there the I love you's get exchanged and it can become a nearly addictive fantasy that they will do anything not to give up.

You see, it's a sliding scale. The spouse is to some degree in the dark about exactly where on this scale the EA is, because they can't see inside their spouse's heart, and they're not privy to 100% of the communications.


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## Leahcar1985

Well, think husband may have gotten his point across. Miss chatty didn't say a word today.


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## NextTimeAround

Rhondaloo said:


> Get your husbands phone (this shouldn't be a problem if he has nothing to hide) and the next time she text him, you answer back saying, "This is his wife, (your name), he isn't able to text you back right now so he asked me to." Then, be very cordial and if the text isn't about business say, "This is obviously not about business, did you accidentally text my husband instead of yours?" Play dumb and innocent see what you get back.:scratchhead:
> 
> Tell her you have no problem with her texting, calling or facebooking your husband if it is work related but when he isn't working you would rather she wouldn't bother him. Be nice but set his boundaries for him because obviously he hasn't.


+100. I love this.


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## Rhondaloo

Leahcar1985 said:


> Well, think husband may have gotten his point across. Miss chatty didn't say a word today.


Are you sure they haven't went underground, Leah? As obsessed as she is I doubt one day of not answering her back is going to stop her. I hope it worked, but I would be very leary. Check your phone records, it's pretty easy to do and can even be done online with most carriers, no way to hide that. If you see a number your not accustomed to, call it. 

Good Luck, sweetie:smthumbup:


----------



## iheartlife

Rhondaloo said:


> Get your husbands phone (this shouldn't be a problem if he has nothing to hide) and the next time she text him, you answer back saying, "This is his wife, (your name), he isn't able to text you back right now so he asked me to." Then, be very cordial and if the text isn't about business say, "This is obviously not about business, did you accidentally text my husband instead of yours?" Play dumb and innocent see what you get back.:scratchhead:
> 
> Tell her you have no problem with her texting, calling or facebooking your husband if it is work related but when he isn't working you would rather she wouldn't bother him. Be nice but set his boundaries for him because obviously he hasn't.


Agreed except re facebooking. There is no work-related facebooking unless you're in PR, and then your interface is the public, not your colleagues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Yea. NO reason to FB at all. Business or otherwise.

Even texting past a certain hour is rude. Hubs had a couple friends (male and female) who would call/text at 10:30pm! HELLO! he's not single any longer!  We go to bed at 10 because we WORK. :rofl:

Hopefully the OP's problem is resolved and her husband got his head out of his ass.


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## Leahcar1985

Leahcar1985 said:


> Husband had the conversation with her today. He said, "I haven't responded to your emails and texts the last couple of days because I don't feel it is a healthy and appropriate work relationship and it makes me feel uncomfortable." I guess once he said that her whole demeanor changed and said she was sorry a bunch of times. He said he could tell it hit home for her. And that was the conversation.


After he had this conversation with her on Tuesday, she did not talk to him Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. Has anyone else had this type of outcome with a situation like this? She is obviously upset, they do go to meetings together and he has to deal with her department. Hoping this lasts, but I am leery since it just stopped completely. I am really glad it did though!


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## Dollystanford

perhaps she's embarrassed about the 'matching outfits' conversation cos I sure as hell would be :rofl:


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## CandieGirl

I hope for the best outcome, of course, but keep in mind that your husband may be lying to you to keep the peace. People have been known to do it!


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## Leahcar1985

Well it's been over a week and I haven't heard any crazy stories from my husband about his coworker, so that's good news. So glad I put a stop to this when I did, I now realize she's a bozo and I have been sleeping a lot better!

I did notice a picture text from her number on our phone bill from when she was on vacation, so of course I had to check it out. It was the usual photo you would text your co-worker, you know the one on the beach with beer in hand with the caption something like "Thinking of you all working hard at work " Cause we all do that, while were on vacation with our families. HA!

Anyway, thanks for all the advice, this is a great site!


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## memyselfandi

First of all, what is she doing with his cell phone number and why does he have her friended on FB?? Same thing with personal emails. Is she emailing his personal address or his work address??

I'd play some hardball honey!! Some guys think it's just plain flattering to have some female interested in them and innocent as it may seem to have someone bat their eyes at them...all of a sudden, they have a fight with their wife or something..and all innocence flies right out the window.

If he's got a work cell phone...it gets shut off at night. She gets "unfriended" and blocked on FB. His personal emails?? Change his email address. If she emails his work email with personal stuff...keep copies of it and mail them anonymously to HR.

Then it gets down to the nitty gritty....watch his personal cell phone for texts from her (you've got her number...look for it on the bill..) Ask for any and all of his passwords to FB...Yahoo Messenger, etc. (and I know this one sucks but if there's nothing going on between them..he'll be happy to give them to you).

I've been there..done that honey and your hubby most likely isn't cheating..he just enjoys the attention. She's probably some married high maintenance ***** that's bored as hell with her fat bald ugly rich husband as she wears high class clothes and expensive perfume to work thinking that she can get any guy in the place to sleep with her.

In the meantime, while you're at it..if he gets an email or text from her..tell him you'll stop at nothing to report her to HR. Bottom line is..don't let her know she's getting to you..that's what she wants..to break up a marriage as she's probably broken up several others.

And btw...I agree with golfergirl completely!! Women like her make me want to puke!! 

Hang in their girlfriend..and get tough with this!! If it were me..I'd be meeting her in the parking lot and punching her man made plastic nose into the middle of her forehead..lol!!


Stay strong..and you go girl!!!


----------



## Rhondaloo

Leahcar1985 said:


> After he had this conversation with her on Tuesday, she did not talk to him Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. Has anyone else had this type of outcome with a situation like this? She is obviously upset, they do go to meetings together and he has to deal with her department. Hoping this lasts, but I am leery since it just stopped completely. I am really glad it did though!


She has probably done this to every man and has had multiple affairs. She knows when to cool it or lose her job. Every company has a sexual harassment policy and he could have her job already if he wanted. 

I hope she knows her boundaries now and gets out of your marriage for good. Really, happy:smthumbup: for you, Leah

Take Care


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## gettingstrongereveryday

Leahcar1985, i know exactly how you feel - my husband and i have been going through the exact same thing, we have been married for 11 years (we married young 20 + 21) and he and I have always have co-worker "friends" that we text and FB - we also have always had a wonderful relationship. However, recently a new woman 38, married to a 28 year old and have 5 year old twins started working at his his office. I didn't think anything about the texting at first but it seemed to be becoming constant - while we were at home in the evening and on the weekend sometimes every hour! I asked him what it was all about and like your husband he didn't initiate the communication but always responded. It was always little stuff and then like your situation asking him our to drinks with the rest of the co-workers. I was really angry because i knew exactly what she is trying to doing, my husband and i talked it all out and he said he would tell her that it was getting to be to much - if she needed something about work that would be fine but otherwise his time at home was for me and our family. Not sure if this has actually happened?? but I have to trust him or our relationship is over.

P.S. stop reading his emails and texts, this will only drive you crazy and if you don't have trust in him then i doubt it can ever be regained to what it was before. Whatever happens is going to happen, have faith in your husband - he sounds like a good guy just stuck between his job and a crazy woman.

Hang in there!!!


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## Leahcar1985

gettingstrongereveryday said:


> Leahcar1985, i know exactly how you feel - my husband and i have been going through the exact same thing, we have been married for 11 years (we married young 20 + 21) and he and I have always have co-worker "friends" that we text and FB - we also have always had a wonderful relationship. However, recently a new woman 38, married to a 28 year old and have 5 year old twins started working at his his office. I didn't think anything about the texting at first but it seemed to be becoming constant - while we were at home in the evening and on the weekend sometimes every hour! I asked him what it was all about and like your husband he didn't initiate the communication but always responded. It was always little stuff and then like your situation asking him our to drinks with the rest of the co-workers. I was really angry because i knew exactly what she is trying to doing, my husband and i talked it all out and he said he would tell her that it was getting to be to much - if she needed something about work that would be fine but otherwise his time at home was for me and our family. Not sure if this has actually happened?? but I have to trust him or our relationship is over.
> 
> P.S. stop reading his emails and texts, this will only drive you crazy and if you don't have trust in him then i doubt it can ever be regained to what it was before. Whatever happens is going to happen, have faith in your husband - he sounds like a good guy just stuck between his job and a crazy woman.
> 
> Hang in there!!!


Thanks, I haven't read his emails or texts since he talked to her. I don’t even like talking about her or the situation with him, but I have made a comment or two on how I don't like her. I don’t know how their work relationship is going. It would be easier for me if they just worked in the same building and he didn't have to deal with her directly on certain things. It would also be nice if he saw how childish she is, sadly, I don’t think that’s the case.

He’s always had coworker friends on Facebook and I never had a problem with it. I had never even thought of checking his phone before this situation, and never looked at our phone records online. She crossed the line and I'm glad I intervened when I did, now we can both move on.

I wouldn't be able to be married if there was no trust in the relationship. I trust that he has taken care of the situation and will keep it work appropriate for the sake of our marriage.


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## gettingstrongereveryday

I totally agree, men seem so oblivious sometimes to other women's childish behavior and or tricks, it really amazes me that my husband doesn't think that she is attracted to him at all - he says "she treats all the guys at work like this" if that is true then his company has a big problem. The imagination is a terrible thing and can sometimes run away - (I know!) like you i thought about stopping in one day and being really friendly to her - but i was afraid that may spark her to try even harder.


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## DanglingDaisy

I hope this is the only EA type scenerio you deal with with him...

FYI Over the 15yrs my partner and I have been together-there have been MANY women who've thrown themselves at my partner Many times him and I had the very same conversations you and your husband did. Whether these husbands of ours are truly ignorant of these women-BEWARE and be *diligent* in continuing to randomly check.

I got to work with my husband a couple years ago...and was hurt to find out he was active in flirting with all sorts of coworkers(he's 44yrs and would always go for the 20-25yr olds!!). I ended up giving the death stare to one young(22yr old)coworker who insisted letting him see her thong when she bent over was "ok". This same chick KNEW me and KNEW we were married and seemed to think she could somehow *grab* him away 'cause he was a good catch(if only she knew what our marriage has "really" been like  I learned that even though he told people he was married,he was actually portraying he was in the market to these women(some ruthless others naive)...the reality of seeing this part of my husband was painful beyond words. I realized at that point that my partner is a good liar and manipulates to get what he wants.

No matter how many years go by-randomly check up on him. You deserve to know-and if he truly is being honest and open,he won't mind.


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## galian84

I know I'm late to this thread (as I just came across this website today), but I'm really glad everything worked out for you, Leah. Your husband sounds like a good guy. 

I had a similar situation to yours. My boyfriend has a co-supervisor who is a big flirt, and also married with a new baby. My boyfriend and other sources I have who work there all have told me that she flirts with multiple guys, including my boyfriend, and she had hit on and made passes at two male friends of mine who used to intern there. He talked about her every now and then and referred to her as a good friend. Before I began dating my boyfriend, I used to intern with them and had seen them interact...she came off to me more as an "attention wh*re" than actually having an interest in my boyfriend. 

She would text him several times a week about nothing in particular, and like your husband, though he never initiated, he would respond sometimes, and they'd text back and forth for about 15-20 minutes in front of me. Sometimes, he wouldn't respond to her at all. 
She's also texted him while we were on vacation, early in the relationship! 
She used to ask him for favors all the time, such as giving her a ride to and from work, of which he stopped when we began dating, and keeping things for her at his house. 
He has lunch with the same group of coworkers, of which she is part of. 
She even wanted him to go away with her to take a weekend course as required by their workplace. Since it was my birthday that weekend, he declined and she ended up going with some other guy they worked with.

I had made several mentions to my boyfriend about her, and their contact in the past few months has dwindled significantly. I think her husband also caught wind of what she was doing and I heard, got mad at her and told her to tone it down.

I had also heard that she behaved the same way and got a little too friendly with a previous co-supervisor, so I didn't put it past her to try and make a move on my boyfriend.

I also asked that he call or text me during his lunch hour so she could see that I would always come before her, and I used to have lunch with him on my days off. We also have each other's passwords to email addresses, phones, Facebook, and computers.

A week ago, I heard from his sister that she, who is normally very easygoing and also works with them, did not trust her, and finally, I had a frank talk with my boyfriend about it, presented all the facts to him about why I hadn't trusted her since day 1, and asked him, nicely, to stop all communication outside work with her unless it was strictly work-related, out of respect for me. He said he didn't know it upset me this much and agreed to stop. Luckily, another guy has started working closely with both of them, one who she apparently likes a lot, so hopefully she'll go bother him instead from now on.

Unfortunately, they are co-supervisors and need to be in contact during work, but I trust that he'll keep his word and respect my feelings. Although if I see anything else potentially suspicious, I'm ready so speak up again, and go to her husband if necessary. So yes, it is better to catch a potential EA-in-the-making early and stop it in his tracks, because your SO may not think they are doing anything wrong. My boyfriend was oblivious and thought that by responding to her, he was just being friendly, as he was to everyone =p


----------



## Leahcar1985

gettingstrongereveryday said:


> I totally agree, men seem so oblivious sometimes to other women's childish behavior and or tricks, it really amazes me that my husband doesn't think that she is attracted to him at all - he says "she treats all the guys at work like this" if that is true then his company has a big problem. The imagination is a terrible thing and can sometimes run away - (I know!) like you i thought about stopping in one day and being really friendly to her - but i was afraid that may spark her to try even harder.


Yes, my husband brushed it off early on saying it wasn't what I thought since she had a family at home and she was just an overly friendly person. I'll be going into his work soon since our 1 year wedding anniversary is coming up next week. If I see her, I hope she feels threatened by me! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cosmos

No, you shouldn't be feeling this way, and _he_ needs to put a stop to what is causing it before it does some serious damage to your marriage. 

There's nothing wrong with your reaction to all this, but there's a lot wrong with the way your H is handling things with his flirty co-worker. The drinks after work and late night texting is totally inappropriate and distrespectful of you, and he needs to make it clear to her that she is a work colleague, nothing more, and he would prefer to keep their relationship on a more professional footing.


----------



## Gaia

Leah... your ALOT nicer then I would be in that situation.... I'd get the woman alone and give her a very good reason WHY she should NOT contact my husband EVER again....


----------



## Cosmos

Posse said:


> This lady doesn't sound like she has all of her oars in the water. It sounds like she is really fixated on your husband.
> 
> Hopefully your husband is seeing the desperation of this other woman's behavior now and is starting to think, "Crap, what have I gotten myself into here?"
> 
> He needs to break all contact. If he doesn't want to do that, you need to draw a line in the sand and protect your marriage.
> 
> You *both* need to be prepared for this woman to get ugly. It might spill over on to you too.
> 
> I wouldn't be surprised if she accuses him of leading her on--because he has been....
> 
> Even with the most grounded of women, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. This woman is not grounded.


I agree with the above, and I'm a little surprised (having now read all the replies here) that someone as crazy as she sounds has taken things so calmly... Unless the relationship has gone underground, Little Ms Predatory Pants could well be plotting some form of revenge. It isn't unknown for women like this, once thwarted, to turn the tables and cry harrassment themselves...

I hope I'm wrong on both counts, OP, and that your DH has learned a valuable lesson from all this.


----------



## galian84

gettingstrongereveryday said:


> I totally agree, men seem so oblivious sometimes to other women's childish behavior and or tricks, it really amazes me that my husband doesn't think that she is attracted to him at all - he says "she treats all the guys at work like this" if that is true then his company has a big problem.


Had to comment on this...agreed...my boyfriend really thought his coworker was just being friendly. I told him I'd dealt with plenty of girls like this (I'm a gamer, and some of the people you meet while playing...wow, lol), and there was a point in my life, when I was younger, when I was the same way (not proud of it). He, and my guy friends who interned there said the same thing...she flirts with all the guys that work there, and their male interns as well. 

I told him that sometimes people see things that we can't and asked him to listen to me next time if I have a bad feeling about someone, as I rarely do, and *especially* if other people feel the same way (ie his sister in this case). I also made it known, that I would listen to him if he had a funny feeling about any guy that I associated with.


----------



## gettingstrongereveryday

Leahcar1985 said:


> Yes, my husband brushed it off early on saying it wasn't what I thought since she had a family at home and she was just an overly friendly person. I'll be going into his work soon since our 1 year wedding anniversary is coming up next week. If I see her, I hope she feels threatened by me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sounds like a plan, please keep me updated and let me know how it goes! :smthumbup:


----------



## NextTimeAround

I think men know what's going on and like the drama. Hence, the whole naive act like "I just couldn't be rude" and so on. I have little patience for this.


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## Leahcar1985

I know nothing has gone underground, but I'm not sure he would tell me if she got a little too friendly again. Maybe it's because he knows how I feel about the situation. I'm sure everything is just peachy with them at work now.

I wish he would just delete her on Facebook, it was fine when they were "best friends"  and there were no boundaries crossed, but now it's just a way for her to contact him during non-work hours if she wants too. I thought maybe he deleted her as a friend but I think she may have messaged him last night. I heard a Facebook message on his phone and he was in Facebook on his laptop. Once he heard it he closed Facebook down right away and didn't check his phone like he always does. I’m honestly sick of checking up on him, it was driving me crazy and I can’t allow her to get to me anymore, it’s very draining. She is just not worth it. Maybe I should go to HR anonymously, I'll have to read up on that. If only the roles were switched and he knew how this felt. I would not have been so nice to her, he is too worried about her feelings obviously.

I would love to say something to her if I ever met her, not sure exactly what it would be, but a little hint that I know what happened and will not tolerate it again. Ideally at a work get together when her husband is around as well. :bringiton:


----------



## iheartlife

Leahcar1985 said:


> I wish he would just delete her on Facebook, it was fine when they were "best friends"  and there were no boundaries crossed, but now it's just a way for her to contact him during non-work hours if she wants too. I thought maybe he deleted her as a friend but I think she may have messaged him last night. I heard a Facebook message on his phone and he was in Facebook on his laptop. Once he heard it he closed Facebook down right away and didn't check his phone like he always does. I’m honestly sick of checking up on him, it was driving me crazy and I can’t allow her to get to me anymore, it’s very draining.


If your husband has not deleted her from Facebook--where she 100% does not belong--and he is hiding the fact that she is contacting him via FB--your problem really isn't with _her_.

I have always been concerned about precisely where she stands, despite her crazy matching outfit stuff. Sorry I haven't recalled all the details in your thread--is he the one who called her his "best friend"? Or is that just something *she* said?

I was reading from His Needs / Her Needs last night. It was talking about how easy it is to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex. Tell them you care about them (not love, just care) and show them that you do. The end. Intimate affection is never to be shared with anyone other than your spouse and children.


----------



## Leahcar1985

iheartlife said:


> If your husband has not deleted her from Facebook--where she 100% does not belong--and he is hiding the fact that she is contacting him via FB--your problem really isn't with _her_.
> 
> I have always been concerned about precisely where she stands, despite her crazy matching outfit stuff. Sorry I haven't recalled all the details in your thread--is he the one who called her his "best friend"? Or is that just something *she* said?
> 
> I was reading from His Needs / Her Needs last night. It was talking about how easy it is to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex. Tell them you care about them (not love, just care) and show them that you do. The end. Intimate affection is never to be shared with anyone other than your spouse and children.


Yes, he told me she was his "best friend" at work. But after I got upset about the situation and we talked about it, he said he didn't mean to say "best friend". 

This is why right after they talked about keeping their relationship work appropriate, (well she didn't really say anything except I'm sorry and was really sad) I was leery that anything would change. How can you be "best friends” for 3 months and then stop all friend contact at work even? They obviously have a good relationship at work still, if she thinks she can contact him on Facebook again. 

If a male co-worker was inappropriate with me and my husband found out and wanted me to end all contact with him except for work related things, deleting him as a Facebook friend would be the first thing I would do out of respect for my husband.


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## Cosmos

Unfortunately, you only have his word for what conversations are taking place between them face to face. He could be telling you the absolute truth, or they could be keeping up the same sort of banter - just not by text or email.

I truly hope this woman has backed off, but I do find it odd (given the history of things) that your H still has this woman as a friend on FB.


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## iheartlife

Leahcar1985 said:


> Yes, he told me she was his "best friend" at work. But after I got upset about the situation and we talked about it, he said he didn't mean to say "best friend".
> 
> This is why right after they talked about keeping their relationship work appropriate, (well she didn't really say anything except I'm sorry and was really sad) I was leery that anything would change. How can you be "best friends” for 3 months and then stop all friend contact at work even? They obviously have a good relationship at work still, if she thinks she can contact him on Facebook again.
> 
> If a male co-worker was inappropriate with me and my husband found out and wanted me to end all contact with him except for work related things, deleting him as a Facebook friend would be the first thing I would do out of respect for my husband.


Again, I'm sorry that I haven't kept track of all you've said before. Does he give you free access to his facebook page? You know that you can do a full download that shows all messages they've exchanged via facebook, right?


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## Leahcar1985

iheartlife said:


> Again, I'm sorry that I haven't kept track of all you've said before. Does he give you free access to his facebook page? You know that you can do a full download that shows all messages they've exchanged via facebook, right?


I know I can look at their messages but told myself I would stop checking up on him when he talked to her. I would trust that he would let me know if she started being friendly with him again, it has caused too much anxiety for me, checking his emails and texts. He never said I could check his emails, facebook or texts, but he leaves his Facebook up alot so I have to believe he's not hiding anything there. I guess I could just check if she did try to contact him last night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DayDream

Well, I know for a fact my husband thinks as long as I don't know about it it's harmless. "to protect you and me as well" he just doesn't tell me about stuff like this. I used to think he would always be open and honest with me...I found out otherwise when he told me that.


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## vi_bride04

It sounds like there is more going on with their relationship. You need to keep an eye on their interaction...

Do you know if they talk to each other on the phone often? Or is it just Facebook right now?


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## galian84

Yeah I agree, keep an eye on what they are doing...a little suspicious that he still has her on Facebook :/ Are they still talking on the phone at all?


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## iheartlife

Leahcar1985 said:


> I know I can look at their messages but told myself I would stop checking up on him when he talked to her. I would trust that he would let me know if she started being friendly with him again, it has caused too much anxiety for me, checking his emails and texts. He never said I could check his emails, facebook or texts, but he leaves his Facebook up alot so I have to believe he's not hiding anything there. I guess I could just check if she did try to contact him last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know that they can message each other via facebook, right? You don't have to just post to someone's wall. You can also IM (instant message) chat via facebook.

There is an option where you download EVERYTHING in facebook with a click. It isn't available instantly, it takes a while for facebook to prep the download. It warns the person whose email account is registered to the page that the download has been requested and will be available in the future, and then notifies them again via email that the download is ready for viewing. Then you have to go back in to facebook to get the download. I can give you more specifics if you need them.

I don't want to make you paranoid. I only discovered that my husbands "friendship" with his coworker was an emotional affair when I found an open email account accidentally open on our computer. Until then, his frequent texting and emailing her was just 'work' as far as I knew. She was more discrete and private than Mrs. Matching Outfits, so she never did anything to let on that they were close.

By the time I found the secret email account, they had already declared I love you's. After discovery, he told me it was over with her and that he had cut contact and we entered marriage counseling.

Unbeknownst to me, he re-contacted her a few weeks later and was in contact right through MC with me. Right on up to 11 weeks ago. He texted her while we were on vacation, while he was in the same room with me at times. I totally trusted him, I was never suspicious.

I was just uneducated about how affairs work. Here is how they function:

--you meet someone who is the right gender to be a romantic partner
--you start to communicate with them regularly
--one day you confide in them something that you didn't tell your spouse
--they open up and start sharing the same
--they tell you about a problem they're having
--you help them fix the problem
--they tell you about more issues they have
--you tell them you care about them (not love)
--you continue to help them

This is all it takes to fall in love with someone. From there, the communications become more secret (that is part of the fun!). More confidences are shared. Pretty soon any gripe with the spouse is fun to discuss. Eventually they are true confidants and their spouses are shut out. From there, saying I love you is next and then on from there.

FYI, there is a whole category of affairs known as "damsels in distress." It is highly appealing to a man to discover a woman who needs him. Helping her daily while she reaffirms how terrific he is = a love affair in the making. It's just that simple.

The issue is, at what stage is the inappropriate relationship detected. You don't know if you can't read their communications.

It may be nothing. My concern is that you have always had this idea that you are supposed to play a trusting role while your husband does things that chip away at your trust. If he is hiding communications with her after you explicitly told him not to, it means he is lying to you. Your "trust" has nothing to do with it, except for you to be the last to know what's really going on.


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## Leahcar1985

I told him to delete her as a friend on Facebook now. He did. She is out of the state this week I guess visiting her mother who had surgery, of course. She Indeed FB messaged him last night asking how things were going at work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Leahcar1985

Oh and he just told me he was shocked she FB messaged him last night and didn't tell me because he didn't want me to get mad. Seems to me that he's protecting their relationship not ours. He said there is nothing going on between them and all contact had been appropriate at work and that's why he was shocked. I believe him that he has kept it appropriate but I still don't trust her! I want to say something to her, he said he was going to talk to her again when she got back next week. I told him I want to say something to her Monday when I'm in the building.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Posse

Your problem is not with the fruitcake woman. The problem is with your husband.

From what you are posting, I would bet serious money that your husband is not being truthful with you about the status of the relationship between him and that woman.


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## Coffee Amore

I have to wonder if your husband isn't giving her some signs that he's still interested in an inappropriate friendship with this woman. She seems awfully forward for someone who was told to stop contacting him outside of work. Now some women can be very predatory, but other women are like that because they get a "green light" from the guy who shows in words or nonverbal language that he likes the attention/admiration. 

I wonder if your husband came down hard on her as he said. That's why I said to you earlier you need to get him to send it in writing.

I think you need to trust but VERIFY what he says. 

He should tell you each time she contacts him (email, text, phone call, Facebook). That he didn't tell you because you'd get mad is not a good excuse.


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## Leahcar1985

Thinking about emailing her. I started an email, nothing b*tchy, just letting her know how I feel about the whole situation. Any thoughts? Or should I have a conversation with her directly? I can post it here if anyone would like to read it... Maybe this is not the best thing to do?


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## iheartlife

Leahcar1985 said:


> Thinking about emailing her. I started an email, nothing b*tchy, just letting her know how I feel about the whole situation. Any thoughts? Or should I have a conversation with her directly? I can post it here if anyone would like to read it... Maybe this is not the best thing to do?


I just think it would have no effect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure in Seattle

I wouldn't. If you see her face to face on Moday, a simple "I don't believe you need to be contacting my husband outside of work" should suffice.


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## iheartlife

Unsure in Seattle said:


> I wouldn't. If you see her face to face on Moday, a simple "I don't believe you need to be contacting my husband outside of work" should suffice.


changed my response to say, don't bother, which is what I truly believe anyhow before I said the opposite. see my post below.


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## gettingstrongereveryday

Leahcar1985 said:


> Thinking about emailing her. I started an email, nothing b*tchy, just letting her know how I feel about the whole situation. Any thoughts? Or should I have a conversation with her directly? I can post it here if anyone would like to read it... Maybe this is not the best thing to do?


Hi Leah, I would not send the email or talk to her. This woman is obviously attention crazy. If you contact her with emails and/or verbal communication then she wins, she will be able to tell everyone that your husband's "crazy wife" had to talk to her - don't give her that at all! If you see her when you visit make sure you are a little touchy with your husband (hold his hand or arm) 

I had wrote you before, and am going through the exact same thing, last night my husband and I were sitting by the pool relaxing and he got a text message. He had talked to his co-worker about not texting him about anything but work and only at home if was a "work" emergency....well....she text him last night saying that her husband was being so mean to her and she went for a walk by herself because she felt so alone blah,blah,blah.....well, I almost seriously lost it - because I know what she is doing, she is doing ANYTHING to get his attention. I casually got up and told him that if he needed to talk to his "friend" then I would go inside and leave him to it, he said no that he wasn't going to text her back. Later, I saw him take his phone into the bathroom with him??? not sure if he texted her but like you, I am getting fed up...however - my main problem is with my husband...he should be respecting my feelings as your husband should be respecting yours. 

Sorry, this is so long! Bottom line - we cannot give these crazy women any of our attention - they get enough from our husbands!

Continue to hang in there and know you are not the only one dealing with stuff like this!!!!


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## vi_bride04

I agree with the others - face to face is best 

A letter would mean nothing to a woman like this. But if you are physically in front of her telling her to back off, she will hopefully get the point much faster.


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## iheartlife

gettingstrongereveryday said:


> Hi Leah, I would not send the email or talk to her. This woman is obviously attention crazy. If you contact her with emails and/or verbal communication then she wins, she will be able to tell everyone that your husband's "crazy wife" had to talk to her - don't give her that at all! If you see her when you visit make sure you are a little touchy with your husband (hold his hand or arm)
> 
> I had wrote you before, and am going through the exact same thing, last night my husband and I were sitting by the pool relaxing and he got a text message. He had talked to his co-worker about not texting him about anything but work and only at home if was a "work" emergency....well....she text him last night saying that her husband was being so mean to her and she went for a walk by herself because she felt so alone blah,blah,blah.....well, I almost seriously lost it - because I know what she is doing, she is doing ANYTHING to get his attention. I casually got up and told him that if he needed to talk to his "friend" then I would go inside and leave him to it, he said no that he wasn't going to text her back. Later, I saw him take his phone into the bathroom with him??? not sure if he texted her but like you, I am getting fed up...however - my main problem is with my husband...he should be respecting my feelings as your husband should be respecting yours.


gettingstronger, I agree about not giving the OW attention despite my post immediately above yours.

I just want to warn you about what you already know: your husband is likely already in a "rescue the damsel in distress" emotional affair with that woman. Maybe they haven't exchanged I love you's. But with every inappropriate discussion he has with her about her marriage--something that is so OUTRAGEOUSLY inappropriate to talk about with a married male work colleague I cannot begin to describe it--HE is sealing a private relationship with her at the expense of your marriage. He is deriving huge emotional benefits and ego boosts from their communications and it's becoming addictive. I frankly fear for you very much. I am someone who is the survivor of my husband's long-term emotional affair with a married co-worker. We are recommitted and in R but this is no joke what you are seeing. Going off with a huff is having ZERO impact on him. If you have your own thread, please direct me to it, because this is beyond alarming to read.


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## Cosmos

Leahcar1985 said:


> Thinking about emailing her. I started an email, nothing b*tchy, just letting her know how I feel about the whole situation. Any thoughts? Or should I have a conversation with her directly? I can post it here if anyone would like to read it... Maybe this is not the best thing to do?


I would consider this very carefully, Leahcar, because if this woman is anything like an ex friend of mine, who wasn't averse to chasing married men, she might get off on it. Unhealthy individuals like this thrive on the challenge, jealousy and destruction they leave in their wake.

I'm also sorry to say that I agree with another poster here, in that this woman isn't your only problem. Your DH really does need to erect firm boundaries when it comes to members of the opposite sex, in order to protect his marriage.


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## dymo

Leahcar1985 said:


> Thinking about emailing her. I started an email, nothing b*tchy, just letting her know how I feel about the whole situation. Any thoughts? Or should I have a conversation with her directly? I can post it here if anyone would like to read it... Maybe this is not the best thing to do?



Think that could be counterproductive.

I'm just going to copy and paste my own post from earlier, just because...



dymo said:


> This is your husband's responsibility. That said...
> 
> The next time your husband and his coworkers have a get-together, tag along. Insert yourself between him and her.* Don't be hostile, be friendly and have fun.* Make the fact that your husband has a wife that much more real to her. This won't phase all potential OW, but I'd imagine it'll deter some.


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## gettingstrongereveryday

iheartlife said:


> gettingstronger, I agree about not giving the OW attention despite my post immediately above yours.
> 
> I just want to warn you about what you already know: your husband is likely already in a "rescue the damsel in distress" emotional affair with that woman. Maybe they haven't exchanged I love you's. But with every inappropriate discussion he has with her about her marriage--something that is so OUTRAGEOUSLY inappropriate to talk about with a married male work colleague I cannot begin to describe it--HE is sealing a private relationship with her at the expense of your marriage. He is deriving huge emotional benefits and ego boosts from their communications and it's becoming addictive. I frankly fear for you very much. I am someone who is the survivor of my husband's long-term emotional affair with a married co-worker. We are recommitted and in R but this is no joke what you are seeing. Going off with a huff is having ZERO impact on him. If you have your own thread, please direct me to it, because this is beyond alarming to read.


Thank you iheartlife, yes this has been a terrible struggle for me - my thread is:

not sure what to do?

05-01-2012, 08:15 AM 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiety-depression-relationships/45262-not-sure-what-do.html

Since that post we have been able to work out some of the issues with his behavior at home, but this woman is always a constant presence in my life - my reasoning is - he sees her all day at work and his time in the evening should be for his family. I fear the worst and am preparing for it also, I have made plans with family members in case something does come about. However, I am soooo confused - if he is having an emotional affair with her (or more???) what won't he just tell me and leave? why keep both relationships going?


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## gettingstrongereveryday

iheartlife, one more note - this co-worker "friend" is one of the people we went on the river trip with that I reference in my original post - she has been in my life every since.


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## iheartlife

I will reference your other thread, I may have read it before but will look again. Thanks for providing the link.



gettingstrongereveryday said:


> However, I am soooo confused - if he is having an emotional affair with her (or more???) what won't he just tell me and leave? why keep both relationships going?


You just asked the Billion Dollar Question, and before these forums I would not have been able to say.

The answer is cake-eating. Cheaters take the best from both relationships, enjoy it, and continue forward on their merry way. Divorce is unpleasant and expensive. Having two women (or men, or one of each, as the case may be) in your life giving you the various kinds of attention that you seek is waaaaay more fun.

I have more to say but will go off to read your thread.


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## gettingstrongereveryday

iheartlife said:


> I will reference your other thread, I may have read it before but will look again. Thanks for providing the link.
> 
> 
> 
> You just asked the Billion Dollar Question, and before these forums I would not have been able to say.
> 
> The answer is cake-eating. Cheaters take the best from both relationships, enjoy it, and continue forward on their merry way. Divorce is unpleasant and expensive. Having two women (or men, or one of each, as the case may be) in your life giving you the various kinds of attention that you seek is waaaaay more fun.
> 
> I have more to say but will go off to read your thread.


iheartlife, I posted this to Leahcar1985's thread early - just some more background info on my situation:

Leahcar1985, i know exactly how you feel - my husband and i have been going through the exact same thing, we have been married for 11 years (we married young 20 + 21) and he and I have always have co-worker "friends" that we text and FB - we also have always had a wonderful relationship. However, recently a new woman 38, married to a 28 year old and have 5 year old twins started working at his his office. I didn't think anything about the texting at first but it seemed to be becoming constant - while we were at home in the evening and on the weekend sometimes every hour! I asked him what it was all about and like your husband he didn't initiate the communication but always responded. It was always little stuff and then like your situation asking him our to drinks with the rest of the co-workers. I was really angry because i knew exactly what she is trying to doing, my husband and i talked it all out and he said he would tell her that it was getting to be to much - if she needed something about work that would be fine but otherwise his time at home was for me and our family. Not sure if this has actually happened?? but I have to trust him or our relationship is over.

P.S. stop reading his emails and texts, this will only drive you crazy and if you don't have trust in him then i doubt it can ever be regained to what it was before. Whatever happens is going to happen, have faith in your husband - he sounds like a good guy just stuck between his job and a crazy woman.

Hang in there!!!


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## JJG

Do not contact her, either by email or face to face.

She needs to know that YOUR H is the one who does not want this contact, it needs to come 100% from him.

Or she will think along the lines of 'oh, really he would love to keep our friendship going, but his mean/pushy wife is the one making him stop'


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## SabrinaBlue

Leah, I have a male co-worker whom I'm somewhat close with. My husband knows and has met him. We are FB friends and occasionally text, but we're both careful to keep it strictly in "friends" territory. If he invites me to events, he tells me to bring my husband too. Nothing we talk about is secret or sacred, because that way lies EA. 

Your husband and his co-worker have no such careful arrangement. They don't seem capable of handling it. The fact that he said he was afraid of you "getting mad" about the renewed contact says it all. IMO, he still needs to man up about this whole situation and show you the respect due a wife. He needs to end all outside contact with her. Period.


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## Leahcar1985

Ok, so I'm not going to say anything to her. Husband and I argued a little about it last night but hopefully him deleting her as a friend on Facebook will help. He said he is cordial to her when they interact at work but not overly friendly.

I have come to the conclusion that I am upset because he still likes her as a person, just doesn't like how she acted as a co-worker, when she crossed boundaries. We mainly argued about him not saying she's a nut or idiot for doing what she did, he kept saying her actions were out of line. He said he was out of line too. I guess I shouldn't expect him to hate her like I do just because my feelings were hurt.

We'll see what happens when she figures out he deleted her on Facebook...


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## iheartlife

sorry to hijack your thread, Leah.

gettingstronger, I cut and pasted the various facts you have mentioned in Leah's thread into one of your threads that you posted here in General Discussion. I linked it here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/45330-not-sure-what-do.html

I did not use the thread you linked (mentioned in your post in this thread) because it was identical and in the anxiety/depression section, which IMO isn't pertinent.


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## CandieGirl

Any updates Leah?


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## Leahcar1985

CandieGirl said:


> Any updates Leah?


Coworker was gone this week visiting her mother in another State, so he hasn't seen her. She probably won't even realize my husband deleted her on Facebook, unless she tries to go to his page, I guess then we'll really know she's a stalker. I'm still going into his work Monday to have lunch for our first wedding anniversary.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gettingstrongereveryday

HI Leah, any updates?


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## iheartlife

gettingstrongereveryday said:


> HI Leah, any updates?


No offense to Leah, but I am far more curious about updates from you. Did you see I posted again in your other thread?

I'm sorry to be blunt, gettingstronger--but what affirmative steps are you taking to shut down your husband's emotional affair via texting with his coworker?


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## Leahcar1985

I wasn't able to go in to his work to take him lunch yesterday. He forgot to tell me he was out of the office all week at a conference here in town. I'm going next Monday.

He was talking to another manager last Friday about some things in the "attached" co-worker's department and the other co-worker mentioned that she assumed she had gotten some things done last year because she was attached to the other managers hip. This is the manager that my husband replaced. We both thought that was interesting.

I'll have to read your thread gettingstronger, seems we have a similar situation?


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## iheartlife

Here it is. Last time we heard, gettingstronger will not check the actual content of the texts her husband is sending / receiving. I was inquiring whether that was out of fear, but have yet to hear back.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/45330-not-sure-what-do.html


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## gettingstrongereveryday

iheartlife said:


> Here it is. Last time we heard, gettingstronger will not check the actual content of the texts her husband is sending / receiving. I was inquiring whether that was out of fear, but have yet to hear back.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/45330-not-sure-what-do.html


Not much to update - I still to date have not read
any texts or emails because I think that it really doesn't
matter what the content of these items are. It's the
fact that I have discussed this with him and told him
what my feelings are and he continues to do nothing about
it. Last night was the worst, we tried to have some
quality time but the texting between the two of them
went on for about 25 minutes. I took a drive to clear
my head and this morning he acted like he didn't have
a clue as to what happened. I told him today that I
am not competing for his attention anymore - I'm done 
playing this game. If he cannot end this "friendship"
then I think we need some time apart. He was furious
saying that it's all in my head and I'm crazy...however,
I know that I'm not - I haven't read the content of 
any texts or emails however, I did look at the bill - 
NUMEROUS texts back and forth and at really odd times
5:15 am, 12:35 pm and so on. I can't continue in a 
marriage like this.


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## iheartlife

You are 100% correct that you need no further proof. More like 1000%.

You might be interested in this other thread, similar situation with a woman who has not read anything, either but you will see where she is with this.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/46059-help-me-quiet-my-screaming-gut.html

I can't recall, did you get the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass? You should run and get it now. It is excellent and detailed and covers just about everything.

You've reached, or are reaching, YOUR "rock-bottom." How are you going to get your husband to reach his? He is in massive denial. He is sure that you aren't going to do anything drastic. He is certain this is just another tempest in a tea-pot.

BTW, THREATS do not work with people up to their eye-balls in an emotional affair. Threats of separation or divorce make an annoying buzzing sound in the background, but they don't force change.


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## gettingstrongereveryday

I have not gotten the book yet, but will get a copy. I have hit rock bottom and frankly don't care if he has or not. This is not an empty threat - in the 10 years we have been married I have NEVER told him I wanted out or a separation - I'm serious now - I'm done.


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## Devlin

I can't fault you at all for that. I didn't go through the whole thread because it's so long but I read your first posts and these last few. Texts at 5:15 am are RIDICULOUS. Texting for 25 minutes after all the conversations you've already had with him is unbelievable. 

Stick to your guns. Maybe it will make him come around, maybe it won't but you shouldn't have to put up with a third person in your marriage.

I hope it all gets better for you.


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## DayDream

It's just infuriating, I know, that after ten years with someone...giving your life to them basically, sacrificing and loving them, and one idiot comes in and they get preference over you and suddenly are more important than your security and self respect. Unbelievable.


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## Leahcar1985

Devlin said:


> I can't fault you at all for that. I didn't go through the whole thread because it's so long but I read your first posts and these last few. Texts at 5:15 am are RIDICULOUS. Texting for 25 minutes after all the conversations you've already had with him is unbelievable.
> 
> Stick to your guns. Maybe it will make him come around, maybe it won't but you shouldn't have to put up with a third person in your marriage.
> 
> I hope it all gets better for you.


This thread is not gettingstronger's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DayDream

I'm sorry, Leah. I really thought I was responding to you. Got confused there.


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## iheartlife

Leahcar1985 said:


> This thread is not gettingstronger's.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry about that Leah. I can't get her to talk in her own thread. You can see how much she needs to hear this stuff, and I know she keeps coming back to it. But her situation is not yours. Or if it is (god forbid--I say that to you, not her, with a great deal of sympathy to her), it has its own nuances that make it quite distinct.


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## Leahcar1985

No problem, I just didn't want anyone getting confused on each of our situations. I am curious to how everything has been going for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Leahcar1985

Just an update... Went to husband's work Monday and met a few of his co-workers, obviously she was not one of them he took me to meet. I did see her yesterday on a run with my friend oddly enough, I smiled, she did not and just starred at me, maybe she has seen a photo of me, not sure. My friend said I totally had her on looks and persoanlity because she's crazy but I already knew that and that was not why I was worried about her. After I told my husband that he said she pulled him aside yesterday at work and was a little upset he de-friended her on Facebook and long story short would not bother him at work or outside of work anymore. Finally!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gettingstrongereveryday

Leah and iheartlife, I posted you both an update on my thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/45330-not-sure-what-do-2.html

Sorry about high jacking your thread Leah.


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## Cosmos

Leah, I'm glad that things have improved for you and your H.


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