# How to ask wife if she is BiCurious/Bisexual?



## Mr Bixby

Hello all 

I'm a newbie to the forums, but I have an issue or concern or I might be blowing this all out of wack.

But I was wondering how I would ask my wife if she is bicurious or bisexual without her blowing up, crying her eyes out or thinking I will judge her. I was hoping that someone else has had experience with this. I would like responses from both sides rather if its the men who asked the question or women who got asked by their men. I have asked her jokingly and she said no and that she's strickly ****ly, but shes the type that would hold the truth in order to not hurt anyone feelings or be afraid that I would judge her. 

My reasoning for inquiring..we have been married for 10 yrs, 2 kids. She has a group of female friends 5 of them (all co-workers), out of the 5 my wife is the only one who is married or has a man as far as I know. 1 lady in the group is a Lesbian (been one for years) They all dont hang out all the time, but they do have lunch every other month or so. I understand the working relationship between my wife and the one who's a lesbian (we will call her "Bee"). They all recently went to Vegas together for one of the girls bday in the beginning of June. Since they have been back..my wife only talks to Bee when she's not around me. For instance, on her way home from work they talk for about 20min on (4 different occasions). When she volunteers to go to get something to eat alone..she calls her (on 3 different occasions) When they text each other, she delete the messages right away. and this is since June of this year? 

Ive had suspicion before they all went on the trip, because my wife is all giddy when shes around Bee. And Bee is known to "Convert" women if thats possible. When I once joked with my wife about Bee liking her before they went on the trip..she got very offended, to me it was "too offended" like a guilt so to say. 

I'm not really upset if she is bicurious or bisexual. But I would be more upset if she was hiding it..I am very open-minded so I dont fringe upon bisexuality/lesbian..etc. Do whatever makes you happy. But I dont want her to be emotionally supressed. But just want her to be honest when I ask her too. So any suggestions on how to ask my wife if she is curious or etc? I'm all open to suggestions. 

Thanks in advance.


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## mina

all women are bi. the ones that say they aren't are just too uptight to admit it. yet.


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## kindi

I'd tell her that I've always had a fantasy about being with two bisexual women and that you think a woman who would be with a guy and another woman is the hottest freaking thing in the world.

If she asks you why you mentioned it out of the blue, have an answer ready


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## Shaggy

I think your real question is: are you either cheating or thinking of cheating with Bee
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Bixby

No I need to know how to ask if she is bicurious/bisexual without sounding like I'm judging. She could have cheated with a man or a woman, so a "have u cheated" question is too general.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Bixby

Thanks for ur [email protected] Kindi I would have to have a good answer lol 
@mina..I've always heard that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SprucHub

Mr. Bixby - has your sex life changed since the Vegas trip. I know it isn't an answer to your question, but maybe the answer is to discover whether she is without asking. 

Her deleting texts and emails is a red flag, particularly if she had not done it before. If she has an iphone that synchs to a computer, you can see all her texts. There are a bunch of posts on this site that will instruct you how. 

While it may be difficult to ask if she likes girls, it may be easier to ask why she likes this girl so much. Why there are so many texts and discussions.

You could go more extreme and put a voice activated recorder (VAR) in her car.


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## Mr Bixby

SprucHub said:


> Mr. Bixby - has your sex life changed since the Vegas trip. I know it isn't an answer to your question, but maybe the answer is to discover whether she is without asking.


The crazy part is the sex has been better, more emotional, just the opposite of what I would expect
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Mr Bixby said:


> The crazy part is the sex has been better, more emotional, just the opposite of what I would expect
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Any change more or less can reflect something going on. The best way might be to use a VAR in her car an catch what they are talking about. It seems strange that coworkers woud be chatting on the phone in the car before and after work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SprucHub

Mr Bixby said:


> The crazy part is the sex has been better, more emotional, just the opposite of what I would expect
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup - change can be bad! What is the impetus for the change? Don't drive yourself crazy. Also realize, if you think something is going on - DO NOT ACUSE OR IMPLY WITHOUT PROOF. Because if something is going on, she'll deny and take it further underground, all the while accusing you of being "controlling" "obsessive" "deranged" "crazy".


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## Goldmember357

simple you ask her

"honey are you bi/bi-curious?"


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## Mr Bixby

@ Shaggy and Spruc that might be the route to go (VAR) but would it activate as soon as the radio came on? I'm just inquiring? 
@ Gold..she would say no if she was or not, just because she would think that's the best thing to say
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Bixby

U guys/gals are a big help. 
Has anyone had experience with asking their "better-half"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonesomegra

The first time my wife out of the blue started to suck my nipples I thought it strange and I took it as a sign that if she liked to suck my nipples then she also might like to suck a woman's nipples. I went the direct route and asked her straight out - 'would you ever like to fondle and kiss another woman's tits?' or words to that effect. She said no that she would not be comfortable being with a woman. 

I would agree that certain women if pushed might go to the other side but there are a proportion that do not. 

Bixby ask straight out 'do you like women sexually?'


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## Vizion

mina said:


> all women are bi. the ones that say they aren't are just too uptight to admit it. yet.


+1


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## *LittleDeer*

Why does it matter? What matters is if she is cheating!

You sound more like you are concerned she is bi? Why is that? is it a sexual fantasy of yours? If so you are looking at this all wrong. If she's cheating she's cheating and it doesn't matter who the person is, that's bad news for your marriage. It means she's having her emotional and or physical needs met somewhere else. that's no fantasy come true.

When men think it's a good thing that their wife may be bi, they are living a fantasy world. They need to grow up, man up and protect their marriage, rather then worry about getting their rocks off with two women. 

If this isn't you I apologise.


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## SprucHub

Mr Bixby said:


> U guys/gals are a big help.
> Has anyone had experience with asking their "better-half"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not sure about the radio thing. Maybe, but who cares. You skim to look for her calls. You can also use her cell bills to see what time her calls are and approximate where they are in the recording.

Never had to ask my W. Could not imagine it.


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## Mr Bixby

*LittleDeer* said:


> Why does it matter? What matters is if she is cheating!
> 
> You sound more like you are concerned she is bi? Why is that? is it a sexual fantasy of yours? If so you are looking at this all wrong. If she's cheating she's cheating and it doesn't matter who the person is, that's bad news for your marriage. It means she's having her emotional and or physical needs met somewhere else. that's no fantasy come true.
> 
> When men think it's a good thing that their wife may be bi, they are living a fantasy world. They need to grow up, man up and protect their marriage, rather then worry about getting their rocks off with two women.
> 
> If this isn't you I apologise.


No the problem is...that's not the answer to my question. I don't mean to sound like a smarta$$. But u are just jumping on your own frustration it seems. 

I have no problem asking if she is cheating. My question is how do I ask if she bicurious, bisexual, able to ride a bicycle, while speaking bilingual..etc. if she's cheating it one thing..if she hasn't acted upon her curiosity then that's another. I will deal with the cheating when there's proof. 

My question is still the same
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SprucHub

*LittleDeer* said:


> Why does it matter? What matters is if she is cheating!
> 
> You sound more like you are concerned she is bi? Why is that? is it a sexual fantasy of yours? If so you are looking at this all wrong. If she's cheating she's cheating and it doesn't matter who the person is, that's bad news for your marriage. It means she's having her emotional and or physical needs met somewhere else. that's no fantasy come true.
> 
> When men think it's a good thing that their wife may be bi, they are living a fantasy world. They need to grow up, man up and protect their marriage, rather then worry about getting their rocks off with two women.
> 
> If this isn't you I apologise.


I think he's asking to determine whether she is cheating and if so why. His W has the instant reply - but she's a she - if he asks her if she is cheating. Without other proof, he is looking to approach it from another angle.


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## Mr Bixby

I will stop by bestbuy and look into the VARs today
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dr. Rockstar

kindi said:


> I'd tell her that I've always had a fantasy about being with two bisexual women and that you think a woman who would be with a guy and another woman is the hottest freaking thing in the world.


That's exactly how Ross ruined his first marriage on Friends.

I'm just sayin'.


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## kindi

Dr. Rockstar said:


> That's exactly how Ross ruined his first marriage on Friends.
> 
> I'm just sayin'.


TV shows aren't real. In fact, quite often, especially the comedies, are nothing more than a parody of life itself.


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## Machiavelli

Bixby,

To answer the question of whether or not your wife is bi, she's a woman. The research discussed at the link strongly suggests women will respond to the individual more than the sex of the SO, at least at certain times in their lives.

Given the info that you have provided, Bee seduced your wife during or slightly previous to the Vegas trip. You need to approach this in the same manner you would if your wife were banging another guy. Unless you're okay with the lez thing. The problem with being okay with it is that sometimes women will actually leave their family to go full bore **** if you let this go on. Other times, they don't. Letting her play with girls can be like Russian Roulette.


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## Cosmos

Ask her outright. "Honey, do you think you could ever be attracted to another woman? Just curious." Unless your W has mental health issues, I can't see how that would make her burst into tears etc...

I don't believe that most women are bi-sexual, but I know that the relationship between women is different to that between males. We can develop deep emotional relationships with one another and show one another affection. However, this doesn't mean that we want to have sex with one another. The idea of another woman touching me in a sexual way would, probably, be as abhorrent as it would to a man to have another man touch him that way.


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## Dr. Rockstar

kindi said:


> TV shows aren't real. In fact, quite often, especially the comedies, are nothing more than a parody of life itself.


That was meant as a joke. I guess it didn't go over as well as I'd hoped.


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