# Feeling really confused and let down.



## Lee75 (Sep 15, 2020)

Hi, new here so please excuse if I get anything wrong. Thing is, I'm feeling very confused atm. It's not the first thing that has really hurt my feelings, there's been a few things my OH has done/not done/ said, that I think are horrid and this time I'm starting to have doubts about our relationship. So, this last one was about him forgetting our anniversary. Not the crime of the century but to put it into context, it's not the first time and after the first time I really stressed how important it was to me to at least get a card. The date is easy to remember I think, not just some random date but it's the day after his mothers birthday, so not difficult. Anyway, he forgot, he apologised, I stated quite clearly that I wasn't impressed as this was the 3rd time it's happened so it's best not to bother again as I'm not going to let myself be upset every year. But to make things worse, two days later, he noticed the date on tv and said 'It's my brothers birthday tomorrow' , he doesn't speak to his brother and hasn't seen him for about 15 years. Then a couple of days later, he was talking about his ex and I asked how long it had been since they seperated and he told me the day, month and year that they split. So obviously he has no trouble remembering dates, but not ours. I'm not seeing my friends at the moment because of this virus thing and I'm feeling lost on how I'm thinking about this. Am I being over-sensitive? Or am I right to think it's rather strange and very hurtful?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Does he disregard you and your feelings in other day to day things as part of an overall pattern of behavior or does he just suck at recognizing your anniversary?


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## Lee75 (Sep 15, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Does he disregard you and your feelings in other day to day things as part of an overall pattern of behavior or does he just suck at recognizing your anniversary?


It seems tto be a pattern, now I've started to think about it. There's been quite a few hurtful things looking back. The worst was when he said that his ex was prettier than me (He was talking about her and I asked what she looked like) I was stunned tbh, not just at what he said but that he thought it was ok to actually say it. It took a lot of getting over. Also, I'm told alot that 'I do his head in' but I don't know why. He has never paid me a compliment either, occasionally he'll comment on my clothes, but not me as a person. I just wonder if he has a problem or if I'm over-sensitive.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How long have you been married? Do you have any children? How are old are the two of you?


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## Lee75 (Sep 15, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> How long have you been married? Do you have any children? How are old are the two of you?


Been married for three years, no children together and he's 48, I'm 51.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My husband just doesnt remember things like birthdays and anniversaries, its not out of being mean, its just him. He is one of those very intelligent people who seems to live on a different plain. He wouldnt even remember his birthday unless I reminded him. If I want him to remember a date I tell him, but neither of us are that worried about things like that anyway. 
If its important to you, its sad he doesn't at least buy a card, but I do think that in general women are far more likely to remember such things than men. 
As for what he said about his ex, that does seem tactless. 
.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

If it was not for my W keeping a year to year calendar I would not remember any days. Specifically birthdays. However, I do remember our anniversary because we married April 15th which is Federal Tax day.

If this day is important to you your H should recognize that and be prepared with something.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

You aren't wrong or crazy. He seems to remember other dates just fine. Since you have no children together I think I'd sit down and do a deep analysis of your relationship. If he forgets your anniversary and he treats you well in other areas and shows you love and respect then no big deal. However, it seems he just doesn't put any importance or respect toward you. Do you want to live like this until you die? What happens when you are sick or need help? Remember as we age and go toward retirement, generally you'll be spending more time with your significant other and there will be more requirements that involve genuine love and respect like when one of you gets sick such as cancer or a stroke or god forbid dementia.


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