# Husband just told me he didn't want to be married anymore



## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

I need help!!

I have completely lost it.

My husband and I have been seperated for a week. We talk and have seen each other twice since he left. Today he had counseling and we agreed to go out for breakfast after.

He came home to get me (or so I thought) sat down and said "This isnt going to be good, I don't want to be married anymore". I lost it, he is supposed to be working on getting through "some issues" that he has, thats why we separated.

I freaked out, called him every name in the book, yelled and screamed, through my rings at him, told him to get the f--k out etc ... 

He went into the bedroom and started packing his stuff. He told me he loved me, said that he needs to be alone, wants to be alone, he's not good for me, he can't give me what I need etc... I cried and cried and cried .. I started hyperventilating, he calmed me down and sat down next to me. 

I started talking about how he is in a "fog" and not thinking clearly, he started meds for Bi-Polar yesterday. He also has anxiety disorder and depression. He yelled at me and said "it has nothing to do with effing meds, this is what I want, I need, I have never been alone, I want this for me"

I did the normal, I got mad, I cried more, i brokedown completely. I walked outside and called my mom while he packed the rest of his stuff. He loaded up the car and came to me, said he was sorry, said he knows he is giving up the best thing he has ever had.

He went inside to get more things. On my way in (crying) he stopped me, put his arms around me and held me while I cried. He had tears falling from his eyes. I asked how he could do this. I have loved him, I have supported decisions he's made, I have made him feel like he never has before. He said he knew and that he loved me. He then said he was going to go, he needed to be alone and think and that he would call me later. I hugged him again and then we kissed. I told him I didn't want this to be over, he told me he loved me (still teary eyed) and said goodbye. On his way he said he would call me later.

I am so confused.. what the hell is going on? I swear it was a biploar moment, or bpd. I feel like were together but were not. Im falling apart, I feel weak like I can't continue. I feel like my life has been ripped out from under me and I am suffocating.

This man has had it good. I have gone above and beyond to bring happiness into his life. Everyone has there issues. 

My mom says he needs to hit rock bottom so he can see what he is going to lose. I thought he was already there. I don't know what to do. Do I answer his calls or texts? Do I ignore and let him wonder what I'm feeling or doing. I am desperate for help. I don't know alot of people and all my family is up north, I have noone here. Neither does he.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm not an expert, and i don't have any experience with true mental illness so i think that adds a whole different layer to this. But, generally speaking, I think that he cannot hit bottom or realize what he's losing if you are always there emotionally. I know - it sounds ridiculous to think that you're "there" when he's already moved out and there has been a separation, but this is what my counselor has told me. If you're there emotionally and he knows he can walk back in at any time, you're giving him a lot of power to have his cake and eat it too. You have to try your best to calm down and take back some of the power. you cannot control another person and by trying to do that your own mental health is now being compromised as I have been reading your posts and the things that you've communicated. It's going to be almost impossible, but I would try to just breathe and let him alone. don't play games, but just climb into your own little "retreat" for a while as affaircare often says. It's for you. Don't let him put you in this dark, dark place. It's a bad place to be.


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

He's already text me .. he asked if "i was alright". I didn't respond. I'm not alright. This just seems like a sick joke.


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