# Contact the OW?



## jellybean123 (Aug 17, 2013)

Needing someone to talk some sense into me or on the other hand maybe even validate my desire to contact he other woman.... I have been legally separated since October (I filed) and am at peace with the fact that we are getting divorce, even though I would still give anything to have my family whole again.

I have posted on here before, but it's been a while... to give a little background. Last September, my husband (who had been verbally and emotionally abusive our whole marriage) got caught planning a weekend getaway with a woman he had sworn he was not cheating with (an old highschool girlfriend)... I found a text and it confirmed they were planning on going away together. I calmly confronted him. He became enraged that he got caught, pushed me, threatened to hit me, etc... but he went away anyway (I believe he thought he could bully me or manipulate into staying because that is what he had always done, I just didn't see it clearly until later). When he came home that Sunday, I had asked his mom to be there because I was afraid of his reaction to everything and he had always shown great respect to his mom. Well, when I asked him to leave for the night, and his mom backed me up, he threatened to kill me while chasing me out of our house with our 3 year old in my arms... I called the police. They came. He refused to leave. As I was packing up my things to take my 3 year old and myself to stay somewhere else for the night, he asked an officer if he could give our 3 year old a hug goodbye. They said yes, and he refused to give her back. The officers said there was nothing they could legally do because he was her father and there was no custody agreement (despite the fact that he had just chased me out of my house threatening to kill me with her in my arms and he was in a very angry, agitated state). I was beside myself. So worried, but basically the officers strongly urged me to leave my house before it escalated, and fearing for what might happen to me if I did not comply with their request, I left. The next day I was planning on getting a restraining order against him (and I did), but that night he text and called me about 150 times, threatened to take our daughters to a different state and also out of the country. He went to his mother's house and busted in the front door trying to get to our 7 year old (who had gone with her for safety) and even called the police to try to have his mom arrested for kidnapping (that did not work and his mom ended up calling me to bring our 7 year old back to me). He came and took my car at midnight from the house where I was staying and took it home, took the battery out, and locked the battery in our garage so I couldn't get it back. Again, the police could do nothing because the title is in both of our names. Despite ALL of this erratic behavior, the police STILL would not go in and get our 3 year old from him. It was a very stressful and traumatic night. 

The next morning, I went to get a restraining order, and while I was finishing up, I started getting texts again. He was saying he was taking our 3 year old to a neighbors and then killing himself. He called his mom and said the same thing. I immediately called the police who went to our house and he would not let them in. They could not locate our 3 year old. I was frantic. She was not with the neighbor he had said she would be with but he was not answering the door, so I did not know what could possibly going on... I had finished submitting the restraining order paperwork, but it takes a few hours to approve, so meanwhile, we were driving back towards my house and I was on the phone with the police who were telling me what was going on and asking me questions and stuff.... they had come to our house like the swat team with a fire truck up the hill and stuff I heard. On my way back to our town, the police finally said he let them in and he had surrendered to them (he was fine and so was my 3 year old, thank GOD). He was taken away on a psychiatric hold and the released a few hours later. My 3 year old was left with the police officers in full black swat style gear with rifles and such, just sitting in front of our house. It makes me cry to think about what she could have had going through her sweet little head. Shortly after that, I got there and got my daughter back. It was hands down the most traumatic thing have ever been through. Meanwhile, we went back to where my 7 year old was and stayed there for the afternoon (not knowing if he would show back up at our house or what). The restraining order was approved and served to him that night when he was released from the psychiatric clinic and I was able to go home. 

Since then has been a total nightmare of situations. Since that day, he has not contributed a PENNY to our children or our household. I run a home daycare and my business was severely affected by notifying clients of the restraining order, so I have been having to try to build my business back up, looking for other employment options, and also borrowing from my father just to support myself and our two children. He has done everything in his power to avoid paying support. It has been 7 months now, and I have still not seen anything, but it is ordered, so I think we are just waiting on the state at this point.

We went to court and he lied and lied and lied about everything... literally everything. He lied to make himself look better because I had been documenting incidents for a year, not sure what I would do with it, but knowing things were wrong and I should document. So his lies and behavior since all of this have made me see him for who he really is... a narcissist and compulsive liar, who I believe is going through a midlife crisis. Before that, I believed he was a good person who just had an anger problem. Love is blind for sure.

He has ZERO remorse or ownership of anything he did that day in September or before or since. He now lives out of his truck, staying with his girlfriend (who is an American, but lives in Mexico) on the weekends. He has repeatedly broken the RO by texting me bullying and mean texts attacking my character or threatening to turn off utilities, cancel insurance (which he did cancel car ins) and things like that. I did not report those things until earlier this month when it got worse.

It took months, but we finally got a wage garnishement for child support and when he found out (weeks later because he didn't bother to show up for court), he freaked out and started aggressively texting me and also turned off our utilities because he was angry about it. This was all earlier this month. I called the police and reported it and he was arrested for breaking the RO. 

He refuses to pay his car payment (it is in both of our names, so I have been paying it when he doesn't because I don't want my credit ruined by a reposession). I am paying the insurance after I found out he had let it lapse for 2 months (again, I don't want to be ruined financially if he has an accident or something... I could lose my house). It is just a total nightmare that will hopefully get worked out in court, but until that day comes, everyday is a struggle. 

He travels to Mexico every weekend, parties like a crazy teenager (he is in his 40's), and see's our children for an hour a month (he has monitored visitation and doesn't think he "deserves" that, so he is very angry about it). He claims that he cannot "afford" more than an hour here and there, even though he is able to see them up to 4 hours per week. He spends his money traveling, partying, got an enormous tattoo at some tattoo parlor in Mexico, drinks like there is no tomorrow, is on a bowling league and bowls every week, but cannot "afford" to see his children, who despite everything love him very much, and miss their dad. It is all incredibly selfish and sick.

So I am comfortable with our divorce. It is necessary. I deserve SO much better and if I cannot find better, I would rather do it alone. I am done. The girlfriend can have him... There are no vindictive "trying to get him back" emotions, but I have been bothered lately at the fact that he seems to have all this money to do stuff and live the good life, and is not paying for his children (support has been ordered and his wages have been garnished, but we are still waiting to see any of it yet). My girls have been promised gymnastics since September (right before this all started), but now I can't afford to enroll them, yet he can afford to party and live the life. He isn't taking home much, considering half of his paycheck is being garnished, but is living large, partying and traveling and taking our boat out this past weekend to a place where we used to go as a family. 

I have been considering contacting this woman for a while to inform her of his lies... nothing mean or vindictive, just fyi kind of thing. I haven't, but at the same time, I feel (I KNOW FOR A FACT) that he has told her all kinds of lies about what went down that day/night in September, and also about supporting the kids and paying bills. I for one know he told people he was "court ordered" to pay the utilities to our house and when he turned them off, it was supposedly because he could no longer "afford" to pay them because of the large amount of support he was ordered to pay (there was back support and temporary spousal support in there too)... I know of MANY lies, including telling people the price for the visitation monitor was double what it is and that is why he is "not able" to "afford" to see our girls more than once in a blue moon. Things like that. I know he told her that I set him up in some way (don't know the details) with regard to his suicide threat and other events of that day that led to the restraining order. It is just insanity when I learn of some of the lies that come out of his mouth, meanwhile, his lies enable him to live the life (I am sure this girlfriend must be helping him out financially because she thinks he is so hard up, when in reality he hasn't paid a penny towards us and is a sick abusive jerk)... I saw online this weekend he had taken out our/MY boat that was paid for with money I received as an inheritance from my mother's death and purchased for our family to enjoy... and he took his girlfriend out on it and she posted a picture on FB and someone said "fun! I want to go!" to which she told them "anytime!" like it was her boat? No. We could only afford that boat because my mother died and left me money I am going to try to prove it is separate property in court, but until then it is at least community property. She of course has no idea, and thinks her awesome boyfriend who has this great boat, has it so hard because his evil wife set him up and is putting him through the wringer, when in reality, it could not be more opposite! So I kind of just want to contact her (via email) and tell her: these are the lies I know about and list xyz, and I just want to make you aware of the truth, and then leave it at that... I don't need a response. I have no desire to get into it with her, again, she can have him. He is no prize. I just don't think it is right that his selfishness and lies make my life and the lives of his children that much harder than they have to be in this situation, and I feel like the lies should be exposed... What he has done is just criminal. He has a house and boat because of my mother's death and the inheritance I received... It might be in both of our names, because I trusted my husband and the whole better or worse thing, along with believing he really loved me... Looking back, I believe he used me to better his lifestyle and manipulated me into thinking he was a really great, honest guy, and it has only recently come crumbling down. I found out after all of this that he had been seeing escorts, gotten fired from his last job for stealing (he told me it was an accident), etc. So the exposure of lies keep coming. It is wrong. 

I would love to get input on this... should I contact her? My gut says leave it alone, but man. It is just SO wrong what he is doing and I would feel SO much better to know that she KNEW the truth (regardless of whether she wants to believe it or not).


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Does she have kids? If yes, expose. If not, don't bother.

Your tale is horrible to read. What pr1ck, your ex is. Is he mentally ill?


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## jellybean123 (Aug 17, 2013)

No, She doesn't have kids.

Yes. He is a major prick... Close friends and family have another choice word we refer to him as, but I don't think I could share that on here.

Not sure if there is mental illness there, but I suspect there is something going on. At least Narcissistic personality disorder.


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## jellybean123 (Aug 17, 2013)

My concern for mental illness lies in the fact that despite everything he has done (and fully knows he has done), he refuses to admit it to anyone. He says he doesn't "deserve" the RO, but does nothing to change it (he is ordered to go to a 52 week anger management course, but to my knowledge has not even signed up). 

He lies to people to save his own reputation (although the longer this goes on and he is living this new life, the more friends and family are seeing the lies themselves). He has lied numerous times to friends and neighbors to try to turn them against me, when he KNOWS full well I was a good and devoted wife to him who has done nothing really but finally set boundaries that should have been set long before. 

There is a ton of delusional thinking... He even told me "you walked out on me, remember?" Uh, no, you chased me out of our house threatening to kill me when I stood up to you for going away with your girlfriend. ? In what delusional world does that equate to me "walking out on him"?. He will say delusional things like that quite often (he is not supposed to contact me except to set up visitation for our kids, but would often throw in crazy comments or angry threats and stuff. He knows it would hurt the old me, but it just makes the new me that much stronger, seeing him for what he is.

I get frustrated by it, but I do actually have a real concern that he has some sort of mental illness that is causing his behavior.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

I don't see any point in contacting the other woman. If this is the same old high school girlfriend, she probably knew he was married and didn't care, so why would she care what you think now? If it is some new squeeze, he has no doubt laid the groundwork, painting you as insane, delusional, and money-grubbing, so any contact offering "the truth" about him is going to reinforce those ideas in her head.

Keep yourself moving forward - that is, in a direction away from him. Contacting his girlfriends is drama you don't need, and probably won't make a difference.

All I can recommend is to just keep documenting his behavior. For legal purposes and to protect your kids, document every threat and every action. If legal in your jurisdiction, I would even record every interaction you have with him. 

And on the off chance some bimbo does try to contact you about ruining such a good man, you can toss a sheaf of paper in her face and set her straight.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Contacting the OW is a useless endeavor. She doesn’t want to talk to you to begin with, she isn’t going to believe a word you are going to tell her and its most likely just going to make yourself feel worse when you are done. She can learn the hard way, she is a big girl and made her decision to get involved with him. 

On some of your other items, you have a restraining order, why aren’t you informing the police each and everytime he texts or makes contact with you. That is the point of having the order. Utililze it, sooner or later he will learn the consequenses of violating it.

When you had your temporary order put into place did it lay out who was responsible for bills and who got what vehicle? If that was laid out quit paying his insurance, things like that. I have been down the stbx and vehicle crash and she quit paying the insurance. The temp order is put into place to legally remove you from liabilities like this. I understand your concerns about your credit report but let it get repossessed if he doesn’t have a car, he cant see the girlfriend. 

You trying to be the responsible one but your also making it too easy for him. He is going to lie, they all do and the stories will get larger and larger. No one really is believing him so don’t worry about it. Its hard to hear and you will get to a point where it doesn’t bother you, Quit following the adventures on facebook with the girlfriend. Its only keeping you attached to him in some way.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Keep it simple. Ignore him. He is all messed up and you are lucky to be quit of him. He sounds disturbed. He is very different from when you first met?

Are you exercising and socializing? Take care of yourself. Hopefully, you will heal enough to date and find someone new.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let it go. She will either stay with him or she won't but it won't be due to what you say to her about him. Your problems are with him, not her, and you certainly have my sympathy there.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Stay away from him. He is a ticking time bomb. My brother was killed by a jealous ex husband and the ex wife had a restraining order.

Don't do anything to antagonize him. I know you want him to pay, and I'm not sure how he isn't being garnished, but it's not worth the risk of him flying off the handle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jellybean123 (Aug 17, 2013)

Thank you for the input... You all have said what my gut already told me, but it is good reinforcement to hear it from others. LOL. I get so frustrated with the situation sometimes... the lies. I don't lie. I am honest to a fault sometimes. I despise lying. He has made his life on lies. The truth will set you free they say. I know without a doubt that the way he is living his life, the truth behind all his lies will come out on their own eventually, but as a person who despises lying, it is hard to just sit around and know he is lying to just about everyone around him. It is truly just sick and disturbing. I feel sometimes like just speaking out to people (like the OW) will speed up the process of truth, but when it comes down to it, that process will happen on it's own, just maybe not as quickly as I would like... patience. 

Responding to some of the comments: 

I do have a restraining order against him, but we are allowed to text about visitation with the children... from day one he pushed that. He would throw in comments here and there, little attacks to my character, anger about material things he wanted and was angry about not having, or even once texting me saying he didn't want the divorce, but then ranting about material things (never once saying I don't want the divorce because I love you or the kids or our family... just I don't want the divorce) just going on a rant about how much worse his life will be once child support kicks in. I didn't report those because I am a softie and they were isolated comments inside communication about visitation and I ignored the comments and it stopped. The comments were inappropriate and angry, but because he said it and stopped when I didn't respond instead of him pushing it, it didn't really scare me fully. I DID report him earlier this month when he text me about 20 times in 3 hours and turned off our water and power all in retaliation because he was angry that I "allowed" the judge to set child support, saying delusional things like "you walked out on me, remember". That scared me, so I did call the police to report it and he was arrested. 

As far as the support, there is an order in place, and his wages are being garnished, we are just in between his wages being garnished and getting the first check. It takes forever with the state. Frustrating, but I found out today it is coming! How long we will receive support payments, I don't know because he has threatened to quit his job and leave the country more than once after he found out about the order, so I feel like it would just be a matter of time before he actually does it. We will cross that bridge when we come to it though. 

I have a feeling it is going to get worse before it gets better and that is scary to me. I hope the arrest earlier this month scared him into complying with the RO, but who knows. When you are dealing with someone as erratic and delusional as he can be, it is scary to think about "what ifs", but that is kind of what you have to prepare yourself for. We go through calm patches where I feel comfortable and confident with the restraining order in place, and then something happens that he doesn't like, and he freaks out. The next step is to get a default judgement because he pretty much stepped out of the case and did not show for the past 2 court appearances. In that, I am going to ask the court to award me his truck since I have been paying it and he has flat out said in a text 2 weeks ago that he will not pay anymore and will let it be repossessed. If I am paying payments to prevent that and paying insurance that he refuses to pay, then I hope the court will award the truck to me. Once that happens, I fully expect him to freak out and be angry and complain about how fathers have no rights, and how much of a victim he is, etc. But never realizing that he created this and his behavior has made it to be what it is today. The idea of that happening is very scary to me. It is just so messed up. I would love nothing more than to have a "normal" divorce (I know that is all relative), but that is not possible when you are dealing with someone who is playing by his own delusional and narcissistic rules.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

You will probably have a tough time on the truck and getting possession. The courts rarely care who the responsible one is or who is making the payments. It all depends on your laws in your state but if he isn’t showing up for the hearings you could very well get everything you want in the divorce. In my state even with community prop laws if you fail to show up you basically waive a great deal of those rights but each is different.

Be vigilant about the RO. If he is crossing state lines or international lines again depending on your state it becomes a federal matter and a whole new world of headache for him. His communication can be only in regards to visitation. Legally he cant even ask you how your day is going.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am sorry for the situation JB. It truly does suck. I am a laugh or cry kinda girl, so I usually try to skew everything into something humorous when I think about my divorce. My STBXH's sworn financial statement? HILARIOUS. $650 a month to feed one person? What are you EATING?? hahaha. I think when we see their true colors (whether it be a male or female) it always comes as a shock to the system. The OW? She does not matter. She wants to sleep with a married man who lies to her? Fine. She can have him, right? All you need to make sure of is that he does not get back in to your life.


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## jellybean123 (Aug 17, 2013)

Just when I think my life cannot get any more complicated.... Do you ever just look back perplexed and wonder how did my life get so twisted and tangled? 

Last week I get news that my ex checked into a hospital after what they thought was a heart attack (he is only 43 but has previous heart issues and has a horrible lifestyle as of late). Well late last week I get news from one of his family members that he is having triple bypass open heart surgery. This happened on Thursday. 4 days later he is still not awake, has been having lung trouble and such. I guess the doctors are still optimistic he will be OK, but I am worried sick. I have the restraining order on him because he was verbally and emotionally abusive throughout our marriage that ended with him chasing me out of our house threatening to kill me when I exposed his affair that he had been lying about for 5 months. I've told the story here, but he also threatened to take our kids (and did take one for a night to torment me, but there were no custody orders at the time... I had to get her back by filing the RO but actually got her back before that because he threatened suicide with my 3 year old present and was taken away for the day on a psychiatric hold.). He is not a nice guy. I believe he has narcissistic personality disorder and no matter how devoted to marriage I am, if someone is that far gone, you cannot just love them through it. 

So, I am going through the divorce process... plugging along, 8 months in, strong, and then this happens and it sets me back about a million steps. I am so emotional. I don't love this person who is mean and narcissistic like I once did. I see him clearly for all he is. He has done too many things to me and our girls to feel any love like I once did, but I don't want him to suffer. I am so worried about him and it is consuming me and I hate that. This guy abandoned me and our two girls physically, emotionally, and financially. He has stolen from me, lied, cheated, and abused me, yet I am hurting for him? I have the restraining order and he has supervised visitation because of everything so I cannot even go visit him in the hospital or take our girls (not sure I even would because they are pretty young). I don't hate him (I feel he has serious psychological issues and have compassion for him and what must have happened to make him that way, but at the same time had to set boundaries and put myself and our girls first so he could not mistreat us anymore). He has been in the hospital before and was a horrible patient, mean, yelling, condescending, and angry to the doctors and nurses... It was so embarrassing because I am about as opposite of that as you can get. I am SOO glad I don't have to go through that again, but at the same time I want to show support to this man who I spent the last 10 years with and had two children with. It is so conflicting. 

In addition, his truck is financed in both of our names. He has been paying the payment irregularly and just last month told me via text message that he refused to pay it any longer because he found out he had been ordered to have his wages garnished for child support and was mad that his attempts to avoid it for the previous 7 months after leaving us high and dry did not work (again, not a nice guy). Because it is financed in both of our names, I have had to pay the payment when he doesn't just to save my credit score... until we can get into court at least... I am also paying insurance on it because he outright refused to have it insured since November. I have been trying to handle this in court and we are adding it to a default judgement we are submitting to the court to try and get the truck awarded to me but that will take a month or two at least. I think with it being half in my name, I am making payments, paying insurance, etc, and now him being on disability for a while too, the judge will likely award it to me. I just want to sell it and be done with the financial obligation. His credit is too poor to refinance it only in his name, but that is what I would like. I don't want the truck, but I will not let him take me down more financially than he already has. It hasn't been moving as fast as I would like, but it is moving and at least I know he has been using the truck to travel back and forth to work up to this point.

Well now he is in the hospital for an unknown period of time and will not be able to drive for an extended period of time after that... so his girlfriend has possession of the truck (I am sure she has NO IDEA he has not been paying on it and that I have been paying all this.... he is a compulsive liar but that is a whole other story). The girlfriend also lives in Mexico where the insurance doesn't matter, so I have concerns about this truck, needless to say. I would like to just contact the police (she lives in Mexico, but works in the US) and see if they would contact the girlfriend and have her give me the keys or tell me the location of the truck to have it towed. It is not legally hers. I am on the registration, ex is in the hospital for who knows how long, and if I am paying on it too, then she should not be in possession of the truck. I don't know if strange people will be driving it, or if it will be going down to Mexico, or maybe even just sitting somewhere for an extended period of time to be vandalized. So, knowing all that, it seems logical that I should go get the truck, but my concern lies in the fact that my ex just had open heart surgery and is not healing well (4 days later, he is still under anesthesia sleeping because his vitals and breathing are not cooperating when they try to wake him up. So here are my concerns about that:

1) If I go take possession of the truck he is going to FREAK OUT... FREAK OUT....(think like when Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk... that is how he gets- like he is not capable of controlling it, rage) he has major anger control problems and emotional instability (probably contributing to the heart problems, and not my problem, but I am a compassionate person) and now is not the time he needs to feel such additional stress. It could cause his problems to worsen... so just because of that, should I just show a little grace for a period of time? But if I do that, what if something happens to the truck in that time? 

2) Am I going to look like the insensitive witchy ex-wife going and taking possession of the truck (who really cares, right? I do, because I am not like that and he has gone out of his way to lie and try to paint me in a bad light to friends already (most of who see through it) to make himself look better against all of these deplorable things he has done.

So what would you do if you were me? I would love some input.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I would ask your lawyer what your options are.



You could ask a cardiologist whether your concerns about adding stress to his condition are well founded.



You could call the finance company and tell them the situation and that you are no longer going to make payments on it and point them to the location where they can repossess it.



But after saying all that, I just remembered what epb123 posted above. Go back and read that about a hundred times. You are dealing with a really f'd up individual already living out part of his own death wish. A truck is a truck and a boat is a boat, and this OW is neither someone you can save or should be thinking about.



The only people worth thinking about are you and your kids, and how to stay safe and slip as quickly out of his obsessive and controlling mind as possible.



If that costs you a truck and a boat some of which was bought with your inheritance from your mother, I am pretty sure she would consider it money well spent.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I will sound like the cold hearted one now but he is in the hospital unconscious and lucky to be alive at this moment and your worried about him getting upset if you take possession of the truck. The truck is not going to be the first thing he thinks about if he regains consciousness. 

If I were you I would just report it stolen as she does not have your permission to be using it. Did your temporary order spell out who got possession of the vehicles? If it didn’t report your truck missing and be done with it. File a police report, report it as such to your insurance company and let them deal with it. 

You potentially have bigger headaches than the truck payment, did your temp order specify medical payments, deductibles and who would be responsible? Given his condition and recovery time, and I do realize I will sound like mister doom and gloom but don’t be shocked now when the girlfriend dumps him now that he isn’t “fun”. What has your attorney said about any of this? 

A friend of mine was involved in a bad accident right before his divorce was to be finalized and it ended up creating almost another year of court headaches. Your situation was a terrible mess to begin with and I do feel bad for you, I truly do.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Is bankruptcy an option for you? Wipe your slate clean and cut ties with the truck at the same time.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Jellybean, you and I must be married to the same man. I can completely relate to what you are going through, although, we never had children. Mine started becoming physically abusive towards the end. 

As far as contacting the OW. I was on a rampage in the beginning and I had drafted a long letter to the both of them that I was determined to send. However, I never pushed the "send" button. Everyone has told me let him become her problem. I have since moved out of our house and he has since lost his job and his car. 

I would say it's not worth contacting her. I know you want to let it all out and even now I would love to run into the OW and give her a piece of my mind, but what good would it do. Ex has been filling her head with lies.

If you can I would try individual counseling. I know it's helped me.

Best of luck and hugs.

BTW, I am filing for Ch. 7 bankruptcy and am giving up my portion of the house to the bankruptcy court. Can't wait for my STBX to get wind of that.  Karma.....


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Try to stop thinking about him in the hospital. It sounds heartless (no pun intended), but do you think for one minute that he would be there for you.

I would definitely call the finance company. They will likely want to see whatever papers you have on the separation if they address marital debt. If not, they will continue to hold you accountable. So let them get the truck. You have no moral obligation to pay for a truck for the OW.

My ex had a heart attack at 48. The recovery was long, and if he had been willing to do any cardiac rehab, he would be in a better place physically. He didn't. When we were together I tried everything to get him walking and leading a healthier lifestyle. After he left, that stopped. At first I thought I was doing something wrong or mean because he wasn't getting support. He was the father of my children after all. But that stopped, too. He made all kinds of bad choices and these are his choices, not mine.


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