# Bi-in-denial



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just going to make a lighthearted thread, tell me folks...

Anyone ever met women like this? AKA -> All the flags tell you that they are actually bi, but they deny it all the time. How do you react to them?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

What flags? Women are socialized to find other women attractive and conditioned to believe it's cool and sexy to be bi, so many women identify as being so.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

To the point they've actually told you rather "interesting" stories of their past adventures with other women.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Well I have fooled around a little with that as well, however I still consider myself straight. I only want a relationships with men (namely one), and can't ever ever see myself being in a relationship with a woman. However I have many times fantasized about being with a woman.

Also please note that it is a turn off when men try and push you in that direction, because of their own fantasies. No woman wants to be pushed towards having a threesome to make her man happy, to me it's just a way for a man to cheat and not feel bad.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I still consider myself straight... However I have many times fantasized about being with a woman.


:banghead:
See that? That's what I just don't get! :rofl:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sexuality is who you love not who you screw.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> :banghead:
> See that? That's what I just don't get! :rofl:


I am aware that my natural inclinations are towards men far more then women, in fact I know I need to be with a manly man or will not feel satisfied.

However we are all influenced by what we see and hear, and being bombarded with images of women and being given the message that that was sexy growing up, I believe changed my brain and I do find women attractive.

Sometimes I even fantasize about having a threesome with my fiance and another woman, however I would be extremely hurt if he really wanted to do this, as to me it would be like cheating and would destroy the trust I have in him that I am enough for him, and he wants to only be with me. I know it would ruin our relationship.

He does not really bring this subject up, and if we discuss it, it's because I want to talk about the fantasy. if he pushed the issue I would feel turned off and like he did not respect me or love me and was not satisfied with me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I reckon the missus is in your shoes, but covers it up more. To be honest I've been wanting for her to admit at least THAT much for years.

For me however I would rather I sit back and watch the missus in action with a woman than to 'cheat under consent' so to speak. She's rather 'experienced' with other women even (experienced enough anyways, for a 'straight' woman).


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I know your wife is on the religious side, so if she admits this outright, she will have to Repent Repent & Repent -for her thoughts anyway -seems a logical reason, given this moral dilemma to continue to DENY DENY DENY.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes, it's another issue in our "pagan"/"christian" game. Oh well.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> To the point they've actually told you rather "interesting" stories of their past adventures with other women.


I know tons of LUGS.
Lesbian until graduation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Unless you're really freaked out about it, so what? And if she's had some lesbian flings, use it your advantage. Ask her what she learned about sex and love from them.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Syrum said:


> Women are socialized to find other women attractive and conditioned to believe it's cool and sexy to be bi, so many women identify as being so.


I thought this was rather interesting, because this hasn't been my experience.  Perhaps it is generational, cultural, or social differences between what I have experienced and Syrum has.

You know there's quite a spectrum of behaviour in regards to sexual orientation. See the following:

Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Perhaps what one person sees as someone being clear-cut bi-or bi-in-denial, the other person doesn't see that way at all because they fall somewhere further along the spectrum of behaviour.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Perhaps what one person sees as someone being bi-curious or bi-in-denial, the other person doesn't see that way at all.


:scratchhead:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If I were a woman I would be mad bi.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:


I mean that what one person may see as clearly bi-sexual behaviour or tendencies in their partner or in another , the partner or other person may not see as so. The partner may still identify themselves as predominantly heterosexual. In other words, sexual orientation is not something so black and white. It is shades of gray.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Runs like Dog said:


> Sexuality is who you love not who you screw.


Sure about this one?

I thought marriage was supposed to be who you loved.

Sexuality is more like what's running through your head most of the time. Hopefully your spouse is in there every once in a while - even if she's just holding the camera!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I said IF I was a girl. Probably would have never married.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

There is nothing sexier than two beautiful ladies making love.
Just ask her if she's ever thought about it.
You suspect it to be true so...........


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ Erm... she's done it! lol

But I wasn't there  I didn't meet her until later
It would turn me on like crazy to watch her do a lady! It already turned me on when she told me her stories!


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Thought I was bi... Bc I love kissing women and touching them so much...I will drool over a gorgeous woman faster than any man. I realized I wasn't bi when i nearly gagged trying to perform oral sex on a beautiful woman several years ago. If I could stick to just fingers, rubbing and making out with women...I'd be in heaven. But I'd still need the penis and rugged manly presence...women can do amazing things but they can't replace that part of me that needs a man in my bed.

Point is, maybe your wife likes women that way but doesn't enjoy all aspects of being like that with a woman therefore she doesn't consider herself bi.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is interesting, the thing is, for a guy to be kissing men and touching, with rubbing and making out -> he's either bi or gay.
But a women doing those things to a women, can't be considered bi? I don't get it lol

The missus admitted that she did enjoy making love to women in the past, and she's also done oral, among scissoring and what not. Yet denies being bi-sexual... meh
Ok, maybe she prefers men, but still enjoys having fun with women... wouldn't that make her bi anyway? hell


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Just going to make a lighthearted thread, tell me folks...
> 
> Anyone ever met women like this? AKA -> All the flags tell you that they are actually bi, but they deny it all the time. *How do you react to them?*


What's to react to? ....meh labels, shmabels


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## CoffeeTime (Jul 3, 2011)

This conversation made me chuckle. 

Now lets see if I can get the labeling right. Eh er no, can't. I've been married to a man before and now I am with a woman. I can't explain it except to say that I wouldn't be anywhere else or with anyone else. I am much more sexually on track now more than ever and I am with someone whom I deeply love. If somewhere along the lines we are not together anymore would I be with a man? Who knows? I just think I wouldn't want to be with anyone else if something happened to this relationship. I am not attracted to most women which is another funny thing. Less so most men. The big, strong teddy bear, social types, perhaps but rare.

My partner and I laugh because I tell her that if I went back to a man he would have to be a reformed gay man, all sensitive and validating with a love for cooking hehe. But do I consider myself bi? No. One day I will figure it out.


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## mysteryman (Apr 15, 2011)

This thread us about marriage your post has nothing to do with marriage.




RandomDude said:


> Just going to make a lighthearted thread, tell me folks...
> 
> Anyone ever met women like this? AKA -> All the flags tell you that they are actually bi, but they deny it all the time. How do you react to them?


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## CoffeeTime (Jul 3, 2011)

mysteryman said:


> This thread us about marriage your post has nothing to do with marriage.


Mysteryman,

Help me understand something. If you are disgusted with the sexual act of gays, why read this post? You already said that you think it is gross what gay men do in another post. And you are certainly entitled to your opinion, but why complain specifically about these types of posts at all? 

Actually, the lgbt issues do come up in marriages. There are bi people that are married. So I do not know what you are talking about. 

I actually found the post to be light and enjoyable.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't think that sexuality can be statically defined. For example, I wouldn't define myself today as bi-sexual. However, I've had several encounters and relationships with other women. What I learned from all of those though, was that, as beautiful as women are--I far prefer men when it comes to satisfying sex, not to mention, I have no interest whatsoever in the emotional investment and maintenance that most women require. 

So whatever I might have done in my earlier days...and greatly enjoyed doing...I would by no means define my sexuality today by what I did years ago. Just because I've had girlfriends, doesn't mean I want more of them, nor am I interested in performing in a girl-on-girl show for anyone. Just like the way a red-head in my past doesn't mean I want my dark-haired husband to dye his hair, you know?

I wouldn't call it bi-in-denial if you can't see going back to that "other side". More like just another one of those chapters in the past....


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## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> :banghead:
> See that? That's what I just don't get! :rofl:


Well, if you put it that way. It is funny.


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## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I am aware that my natural inclinations are towards men far more then women, in fact I know I need to be with a manly man or will not feel satisfied.
> 
> However we are all influenced by what we see and hear, and being bombarded with images of women and being given the message that that was sexy growing up, I believe changed my brain and I do find women attractive.
> 
> ...


Hmm... interesting insight, Syrum. Your post gave me a lot of perspectives to consider. 

I understand how you might fantasize about it and tell stories, but be hurt when it comes to actuality.

I understand. Anyways, thanks for this post.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

For some reason Ron White's little remarks came to mind when I started reading this thread: 

I said "We're all gay, buddy. It's just to what degree are you gay." And he goes, "That's bull****, man. I ain't gay at all." And I go "Yeah, you are. And I can prove it." He goes "Fine. Prove it." I go, "All right. Do you like porn?" He says "Yeah, I love porn. You know that." I said, "Oh, and do you only watch scenes with two women?" And he goes, "No, I'll watch a man and a woman makin' love." And I say "Oh, and do you like the guy to have a flabby, half-flaccid penis?" And he goes "No, I like big, hard, throbbing ****..."


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Ok ladies, then please explain what bi-sexual means to you?

For it seems like some of you who acknowledge deriving lesbian type pleasure from another woman, object to the aptly described label of bi-sexual. It's like a man who says that he loves and prefers to wear women's clothing but insists that he is not a transvestite because he does not go out in public dressed like a woman.

There's nothing wrong if you are bi-sexual but there is something wrong if you deny it when even a blind man can see that you are.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

morituri said:


> Ok ladies, then please explain what bi-sexual means to you?
> 
> For it seems like some of you who acknowledge deriving lesbian type pleasure from another woman, object to the aptly described label of bi-sexual. It's like a man who says that he loves and prefers to wear women's clothing but insists that he is not a transvestite because he does not go out in public dressed like a woman.
> 
> There's nothing wrong if you are bi-sexual but there is something wrong if you deny it when even a blind man can see that you are.


I'm confused as well - I think you are clearly bi-sexual if you admit to enjoying being with another woman in any sexual form, same would be for a man, if he confessed to wanting to be with another man on some sexual level - regardless of how often you may do it or want to do it or even if you don't want to do it anymore, I think if you've been there and done that, you would be considered in some manner to be bi-sexual. I personally have been with 3 woman in my life, all college fun - Do or did I ever see a future with a woman as my partner, nope, they wouldn't complete me or help make me whole, but do I still find women attractive and alluring, absolutely and the experiences were fun... But I am married now and cheating is cheating in my book... besides my husband does it 100% for me sexually these days 

Of course I might add that if I found myself on the dating scene again - all would be fair - so perhaps that's where I'm drawing my conclusion to the whole bi-sexual label.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> I thought this was rather interesting, because this hasn't been my experience.  Perhaps it is generational, cultural, or social differences between what I have experienced and Syrum has.
> 
> You know there's quite a spectrum of behaviour in regards to sexual orientation. See the following:
> 
> ...


I think the Kinsey scale is much better at reflecting sexuality than the simple labels "straight," "bi" and "gay," but I understand why so many may find those labels more convenient to use. There are plenty of people out there who aren't strictly "straight," but also aren't really interested in pursuing anything with members of the same sex, so they're not exactly "bi," either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Grayson said:


> I think the Kinsey scale is much better at reflecting sexuality than the simple labels "straight," "bi" and "gay," but I understand why so many may find those labels more convenient to use. There are plenty of people out there who aren't strictly "straight," but also aren't really interested in pursuing anything with members of the same sex, so they're not exactly "bi," either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So by this sexuality scale, a man who professes a love and preference for wearing women's clothing and makeup yet strongly objects to being called a transvestite because he doesn't go out in public dressed like a woman, is actually right? Could his denial of being a transvestite be simply a fear of being labeled a 'closet transsexual'?

Likewise with the woman who stated:



> I will drool over a gorgeous woman faster than any man. I realized I wasn't bi when i nearly gagged trying to perform oral sex on a beautiful woman several years ago. If I could stick to just fingers, rubbing and making out with women...I'd be in heaven


Could she - like the cross dressing man - be in denial simply out of fear of being labeled a 'closet lesbian'?

Whatever the reason, here's a very interesting article Bisexuality in Women: Myths, Realities, and Implications for Therapy . The conclusion of the article is very intriguing.



> *Conclusion*
> 
> We have seen here that bisexuality is a complex, multifaceted phenomenon, and that* many types of bisexuality exist in women*. In many ways, the best preparation a clinician can have for working with bisexual women is prior experience working with lesbians. Therapists, however, must have themselves gone beyond a dualistic view of sexual orientation and have gained more sophisticated appreciation of the variability of sexuality from woman to woman and, indeed, within one woman over the course of a lifetime. In a culture that, at worst, allows women only a heterosexual option and, at best, acknowledges two options—heterosexual or lesbian—*the most important function a clinician can fill is that of validating the existence of bisexuality.*


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

morituri said:


> So by this sexuality scale, a man who professes a love and preference for wearing women's clothing and makeup yet strongly objects to being called a transvestite because he doesn't go out in public dressed like a woman, is actually right? Could his denial of being a transvestite be simply a fear of being labeled a 'closet transsexual'?


I suppose that, to begin, we would have to have a meeting of the minds as to whether or not clothing/appearance preference is an indicator of sexual preference. As I understand, the two don't always go hand-in-hand. Thus, if we don't count it as an indicator of sexual preference, the Kinsey scale wouldn't apply at all.




> Likewise with the woman who stated:
> 
> 
> Could she - like the cross dressing man - be in denial simply out of fear of being labeled a 'closet lesbian'?


That's more a situation where the Kinsey scale would apply. Her description sounds like a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale. A 1 is described as "Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual," while a 2 is described as, "Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual."

Or, heck...maybe she is a 3, which is "3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual," but she just plain doesn't like performing cunnilingus. After all, not all "straight" men do, and not all "straight" women like performing fellatio.

But, that's part of why I think just those three labels aren't terribly accurate in describing people.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The Baskin Robins 32 flavors of human sexuality?


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