# Session w/ MC



## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

I've been separated for 6 wks. In the individual session before resuming counseling as a couple, this is what I heard:

With either outcome, it will be a growing experience.

Your marriage in in high distress.

and after finding out that on some level I am a Christian; 
If you are a Christian married to a nonbeliever, God says it's okay to walk. (H. is a believer, although you wouldn't know it from his behavior)

Not very encouraging, is it?!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Actually I think it's very encouraging.

Either way you will grow, and either way you will prevail, no matter the outcome.


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

jb, Thanks. Yes, I know I will be stronger. But I felt that the subtext was that she was preparing me for a negative outcome, and (oddly,) if we weren't both Christians, it should be ended.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm actually wondering about the last part of your counselor's analysis. She seems to be making reference to 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 . Most likely verse 15, which says, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances."

I fail to make the connection since you are both Christians. Is your counselor saying the only thread of hope lives because you are both Christians?......Whereas unbelievers would have already left the marriage?


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

Aug, yes, that was the verse. It was only after she found out that h. is Christian that she said it. As in, ...because if he weren't, it'd be okay to end it. 
I felt like she was saying that if there was a nonbeliever between the two of us, that the marriage _should_ end. Which makes me wonder how much her advice changes based on the faith of her clients. And if she views us as destined for failure without divine intervention


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Actually, as the passage goes.....It would not be okay for the Christian to walk away. The unbeliever would have to be the one to leave and file for divorce.

It makes me wonder about the advice you are receiving from the counselor too. Obviously you have stronger religious beliefs than your husband. I should probably read your other posts to get more insight. Apparently the counselor feels the only hope for your marriage is through God. Have you talked to a member of the clergy?


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

Well, that's interesting. We did not seek any religious affiliation with the MC. So it's been surprising that she has brought it in to the sessions. I haven't talked to any clergyperson, and my crisis of faith is on the back burner. One crisis at a time! Sounds like the MC is inaccurate, or I misunderstood her. Thank you for the feedback.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Counselors do have to look at all avenues. Perhaps she is trying to help you walk away from a marriage without it causing guilt and going against religious teachings. It almost seems as though she is trying to prepare you for the worst. That's probably not what you want to hear though.

My first counselor never asked about religious convictions. My second therapist asked a lot about them on my first visit. She wanted to work within my belief system. As it turned out we were a perfect match on them, so we made a lot of progress. In my situation, the second therapist told me I did not have to "try" any longer because my husband committed adultery. And I understood I could leave the marriage with a clear conscience. Or I could try to save the marriage. Either way I would be okay on the religious side of things.

If adultery was not going on in your marriage, your counselor may be merely searching for an "out" that will ease your conscience as a Christian.


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

yes. I do think that she was preparing me for the worst. I felt that her outlook was discouraging. I am getting better at living in the moment and not trying to look into the future. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...'


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