# My Wife Won't Give Me Another Chance



## onemorechance143 (Oct 1, 2015)

Hi all. New user here. I just don't know who to turn to. I've searched on the internet for help and here is where it took me. It seems like a lot of people can chime in and help me out because I really need it.

My wife and I have been married for 3 years. We have been together for 7 years. My wife is 10 years older than me. With a little hiccup in between and i'll explain later on.

My wife and I are having problems right now. I know done her wrong and I just want her back. My wife has found multiple times porn or naked women on my phone. She had told me those multiple times that what I'm doing is wrong and is essentially cheating. I never looked at it that way and I kept on doing it. Well this time it stuck and I told her that I won't do it again ever and she won't believe me. I've been to her work and gave her flowers. I have written her a love letter. Put rose peddles on our bed. And more flowers. I give a massage even though she doesn't ask for it. I help her out in the kitchen when she's cooking. Helping her in anyway I can. I'm trying to be more attentive to her. She says it's not enough and I don't know what else to do.

A little more of a background. My wife is a firecracker. She's the strong one in the relationship and she doesn't like that. I'm emotional. I cry when it gets to much in our relationship. She doesn't like that. She says she wants a man and i'm not one. She calls me a p****y. Or that I have no balls. 

I've lied to her also. Stupid things too. Or I tend to forget if a coworker calls me and she tells me why I didn't tell her. She gets mad. 

My work requires me to sometimes stay a little extra to get things finished. She gets mad because I shouldn't put my work first and she should be a priority. I told her that my work pays the bills and it's important too.

On the day my wife found the last naked woman, my company was having an outing and I decided to go. My wife got mad because I told her I needed to clear my mind and take a break and go. She got furious because she says I should have chased her and fixed things. 

A few years ago, when we were not married, I felt unappreciated and I left my life. Up and left and said nothing to her. A few months went by and we reconciled. But she still holds it against me. At the time also, I was talking to another woman and she found out and flipped. 

Before we got married. I had reservations on getting married. I told her that. I told her she has anger issues. She got very mad. But I still love her and we still got married. I said to myself, if I love this woman, I have to accept her.

I can go on and on about the issues. That's just a snippet and what's going on. As I type, im sitting in my car at a starbucks because my wife kicked me out for the 4th time. Please help. I don't know what to do. 

Sorry if I just rambled. My mind is just scrambled right now. I'm hoping I got out enough info. 

Thanks in advance.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

sounds from what you've written that your wife is the alpha in the relationship and she wants you to be in that role. Though it doesn't sound like you are comfortable or able or want to take on the dominant role. Is that accurate?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

onemorechance143 said:


> A little more of a background. My wife is a firecracker. She's the strong one in the relationship and she doesn't like that. I'm emotional. I cry when it gets to much in our relationship. She doesn't like that. She says she wants a man and i'm not one. She calls me a p****y. Or that I have no balls.


Your whole story is pretty awful, but this is the biggest problem.

Women don't respect men who they can push around, or who get emotional all the time.

And women don't love men they don't respect.

So if you are going to do anything about this, it will have to start with you taking responsibility for your life.

Get a copy of the book "No more Mr. Nice guy" and a copy of "Married Man Sex Life", both of which can be bought at Amazon.

Read them and do what they say, and you MIGHT have a chance to turn this around. The odds are against you due to your bad history, but that's the only way you have any chance.


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## onemorechance143 (Oct 1, 2015)

Yeah I know I can be a push over. I always just go with the flow. I just feel like I have no feet to stand on and done her so wrong that I can't argue with her.


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## onemorechance143 (Oct 1, 2015)

I just never been the aggressive type. I don't like fighting with anyone, especially her. I've always seen her as being very strong and that's what I liked about her. But now it's going against me.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

onemorechance143 said:


> Yeah I know I can be a push over. I always just go with the flow. I just feel like I have no feet to stand on and done her so wrong that I can't argue with her.


If this is true, then your case is hopeless.
If you want any chance to improve things, you have to improve yourself. Stand up for yourself! Women hate pushovers!


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## onemorechance143 (Oct 1, 2015)

I want to help myself and our marriage. I just don't know how.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

onemorechance143 said:


> I just never been the aggressive type. I don't like fighting with anyone, especially her. I've always seen her as being very strong and that's what I liked about her. But now it's going against me.


Sounds like you are in a relationship mismatch. You like a dominant woman. There are dominant women who appreciate men like yourself. She doesn't sound like one of those women. She sounds like she wants you to grow a pair. if you can't or won't or don't, you two may be at an impasse.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

onemorechance143 said:


> I want to help myself and our marriage. I just don't know how.


You have to "man up". That's what "No more Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married Man Sex Life" are for. Get them, read them, live them.

This won't necessarily fix the problem, because it might be beyond saving at this point, but it is your only chance from everything I know.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

G'day Onemorechance,

Sorry to hear about your situation mate. I'm reading conflicting issues here. It sounds like, as has been already said, that your wife wants you to to be more of a 'man', but at the same time, she still wants to dominate you. I suppose everybody has a slightly different view point of what is and what isn't 'cheating'. If you looking at porn is considered cheating in her eyes, I would ask you this. Are you allowed to masturbate with out her or porn, or is that considered cheating as well. It's a little controlling.

As with work, you have to keep the man that pays you happy, and if it's only sometimes that you have to do some over time, that's called 'life'. Personally, I would not want her back. If you have to make so many compromises to keep her happy now, how do you think it's going to be when things get harder with children.

This is what I would do, and bear in mind, this is very passive aggressive minus the passive bit. When ever she mentions the porn you say something like: "I'm sorry love, did you neglect to notice that I'm a man, who has needs. You don't meet those needs and I have found a way to compensate that. Would you rather I 'really cheat'? Get over it, most men use porn, stop being such a clingy nagging wife."

When she mentions work: "Do you live in some kind of fantasy land love? Do you like to eat and have the bills paid, or would you rather an unemployed husband who just sits around and farts on the couch? This is life, sometimes we have to do things that we don't like. Also, the extra money could be used to go out to dinner and spend some time with you. What do you want me to tell my boss, that my wife wants me home by a certain time? What do you take me for some kind of p***y?"

If she is willing to leave you because she thinks that you're a p***y husband, then give her a pit bull husband instead. If you're out of options, why not try this. At least you'll get some self respect back.
She might learn to respect you a little since you will be exhibiting some good old male dominance. At the very least, you won't feel like a loser that bends over for his wife and still loses her.

Just my crazy thoughts. You should read my disclaimer before taking my advice though.


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## onemorechance143 (Oct 1, 2015)

When I look at porn or pictures, it's because I like looking a womens breasts, not to masturbate or anything like that. I just like looking. Nothing else.

When it comes to work and we are having problems, she wants me to drop everything and rescue our relationship. She wants me to drop everything and call her and fix it or go to her job and fix it. I can't do that. I'm at clients houses that i'm working at and I can't. She says your not a doctor, no one is dying.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

onemorechance143 said:


> When I look at porn or pictures, it's because I like looking a womens breasts, not to masturbate or anything like that. I just like looking. Nothing else.
> 
> When it comes to work and we are having problems, she wants me to drop everything and rescue our relationship. She wants me to drop everything and call her and fix it or go to her job and fix it. I can't do that. I'm at clients houses that i'm working at and I can't. She says your not a doctor, no one is dying.


You're a very selfish man. I know you do not have that self-image, but it is true. It is OK though, as soon as you get rid of a few silly ideas, you will no longer be selfish.

You want her to be happy in the relationship, be the emotionally strong partner. In return, you are want her to be able to sexually satisfy herself with you and you will adore her and make her feel special. 

This is what she wants too, but you will not provide it as you want it for yourself. If you want to save the marriage you have to be happy in the relationship, be the emotionally strong partner who is happy in yourself. When you have the chance sexually satisfy yourself with her in as selfish as way as you would want her to be with you and give her the chance to adore you.

If you are not willing to do that, and you may decide you are not, then leave her and do not waste her time anymore.


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## onemorechance143 (Oct 1, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> You're a very selfish man. I know you do not have that self-image, but it is true. It is OK though, as soon as you get rid of a few silly ideas, you will no longer be selfish.
> 
> You want her to be happy in the relationship, be the emotionally strong partner. In return, you are want her to be able to sexually satisfy herself with you and you will adore her and make her feel special.
> 
> ...


I know I have been a very selfish man. And I am and will change for my wife in that sense. It was very stupid of me. But she won't accept what I say. 

She always tells me, action speaks louder than words.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

IMO your wife is no fire cracker, she is insecure and resentful. She belittles you because you up and left without saying a word. You come back MONTHS later and you guys reconciled and married. 

You rug swept the issues of why you just left! Very hurtful and childish on your part. She now throws you out every time she can because she felt deeply hurt when you ABANDONED her the first time. 

All the crap about making her a priority, porn being cheating, come here right now, Yada,yada, yada is her insecurities, anger and resentment towards you. 

IMO, You sound passive aggressive. Terrible mix. You guys dance a sick dance and it's not looking good for a lasting relationship. You two need counseling ASAP.

Bibi


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

onemorechance143 said:


> I know I have been a very selfish man. And I am and will change for my wife in that sense. It was very stupid of me. But she won't accept what I say.
> 
> She always tells me, action speaks louder than words.


If someone posts on this forum asking what the time is, they will be told to read No More Mr Nice Guy and The Married Man's Sex Life Primer. You are a rare case of a man who should do both. Replies are often flippant, you have a great amount of work to do. Frankly, it might be too late for your relationship, so do it for your own sake.

Also, if she was to constantly tell you that you were pathetic, worthless and wimpy, it would be clear that you should not put up with it. In this relationship, two people have been sending that message you and her (by Mothering you as a grown man). Children invent imaginary friends that are nice to them, adults invent imaginary voices that have it in for us - children are far wiser in this. You can be a far better man.

The following is very crude and a huge generalisation. Most women will say they want a man to be dominant, but a minority will say they prefer to call the shots. 

Of that minority, there are some of them who actually believe it to be true and they will often be attracted for younger men just as men often prefer younger women. Of those, there are some who genuinely like to be in charge regardless of the man and some who choose it as they do not believe a man can measure up. Your wife many well be in the second group. Oddly, (and I am in no way qualified to make this call), her calling you out is a good sign. Answer the call for your own sake.

A personal question, do you have many male friends? Many female friends? Is the ratio as you would like?


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## onemorechance143 (Oct 1, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> If someone posts on this forum asking what the time is, they will be told to read No More Mr Nice Guy and The Married Man's Sex Life Primer. You are a rare case of a man who should do both. Replies are often flippant, you have a great amount of work to do. Frankly, it might be too late for your relationship, so do it for your own sake.
> 
> Also, if she was to constantly tell you that you were pathetic, worthless and wimpy, it would be clear that you should not put up with it. In this relationship, two people have been sending that message you and her (by Mothering you as a grown man). Children invent imaginary friends that are nice to them, adults invent imaginary voices that have it in for us - children are far wiser in this. You can be a far better man.
> 
> ...


This might sound weird too, but I don't have any friends. The closest friend that I have other than my wife would be a coworker from work. And the other people are males and just acquaintances.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

onemorechance143 said:


> This might sound weird too, but I don't have any friends. The closest friend that I have other than my wife would be a coworker from work. And the other people are males and just acquaintances.


Where I was going with that was that I thought you lacked male friends. We all need friends to avoid putting emotional weight on our partners. I think you are as deserving of friends as anyone else and no where as weak as you think you are. Except, if you think you cannot cope, then that feels very real and you collapse. 

You have a great deal of work to do and it is not on your marriage, but on yourself. Men are a hundred times better than they are given credit for, there is a reason why men like having male friends. 

Right, mate, you plan:
- Read NMMNG (as in actually read it)
- Read MMSLP (as in do it)
- Get to the gym and work out, no yoga - do weights (I do yoge, but I am allowed).
- Read a bit of Anthony Demello. But do the others first. 

Collect yourself and do not worry about posting too much on here. Check in, but find a self-improvement forum for men. 

Good luck!


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## mahbae (Oct 3, 2015)

technovelist said:


> You have to "man up". That's what "No more Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married Man Sex Life" are for. Get them, read them, live them.
> 
> This won't necessarily fix the problem, because it might be beyond saving at this point, but it is your only chance from everything I know.


Focus on gaining some perspective. You are weak in too many areas.


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