# So lost!!! Help, im losing my wife!!



## LuvIZkillinme (Jul 14, 2012)

I guess I will start from the beginning. My wife and I have been married for 4 years, together 12, and known each other 25. And we are only thirty. We were each others first puppy love crush  
Last year my company relocated me and my family to California. I was working 6 days a week 16-18 hour days. After a while I had found out that my wife was strongly flirting over text with one of my best friends in Arizona. She had said it was cause I was working so much she needed the validation and attention. I understood and forgave them both.
Three months ago I had gotten fired and made my family move back to Arizona. I had became highly depressed cause I went from making 90,000 a year to nothing. We are now back on our feet, wife is working full time while I stay home with the kids. But I am still depressed and stressed. For the last three months anytime we try and have sex I cannot orgasm let alone keep it hard enough for her to enjoy it. I fear so much that she is going to get sick of it thinking it is her and get it somewhere else (For validation). 
I had started to notice for the last month that something is wrong. I spent every waking moment trying to make up for my lack of sex drive by always showing her i loved her in different ways. 
Well last night I finally got her to talk to me and tell me what has been up. She started by saying that the man I have became does not turn her on AT ALL. That she is not at all attracted to me. Of course I already wanted to die. My biggest fear through all this is she is going to go find someone who can get a raging hard on and put it to her the way she is dying for it. She later told me that she was craving something new and exciting. I told her that being together 12 years it would be hard to find something for us to do to give her that "first kiss" kind of feeling. After talking to her a while I finally realized that what she wanted wasn't something new and exciting it was someone new and exciting. She finally told me that for the last month she has been strongly thinking about finding a sexual partner to fulfill that new and exciting feeling she so strongly desires. That was my worst nightmare. My wife flat out telling me she is no longer attracted to me and has been thinking of finding someone just to get her rocks off cause im to stressed out to get it up. 
But get this, the entire time she is trying to make me feel better by saying she feels like **** for even thinking about wanting to do that and that all she wants is me. Its hard for me to believe her when she just told me all the other stuff. All this time I kept a cool head and didn't completely flip out. But it cut even deeper cause she was trying to wrap her arms around me the whole time telling me that all she wants is me. I don't understand how. I told her a had to leave for a little while to clear my head. She didn't understand how much that hurt. And I cant believe that before I left she sat me on the bed and asked me to make love to her....... I told her that she can rub up on me but given everything that happened no more than 5 minutes ago its going to be hard for me to get it up. And she got upset with me and said "see this is what im talking about".... How am I suppose to react to the thing my wife told me, and how would she expect me to just flip a switch and get it up and bang her out like a freakin monkey. 
All she could say was "your a guy, you suppose to be able to just get it up whenever" Not when your wife says she isn't attracted to you and wants to sleep with someone else.
Now this morning she woke up and came and wrapped her arms around me like nothing happened and finally being that loving wife I have been begging for. And when I tried to start talking about it all she could say was "Ow my god, see I knew I should have just not told you anything, now your going to be all weird"
So please help me out. What the hell am I supposed to do?? Part of me wants to pack a bag and leave, part of me wants to kick her ass, or take a lot of viagra and bang her brains out till she forgets needing something new. I just dont know. I have been up all night. Help me out.
Thank you


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

do you have a viagra?

It does sound like she does not understand the physical effects that stress can have on a man's sexual health.

Make her understand that it is not lack of wanting her. She does seem a bit selfish right now... but I also wonder if it isn't somewhat her ignorance of how a man's privates work.

Quote "All she could say was "your a guy, you suppose to be able to just get it up whenever" Not when your wife says she isn't attracted to you and wants to sleep with someone else."

TELL her that.


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## sweetdreams75 (Jul 14, 2012)

I have a husband that has a hard time keeping it hard and initiating sex. I love him dearly. It was inappropriate of her to say she was thinking about being with someone else then expect you to "snap to" when she feels shame for saying what she said IMO. I would suggest you start acting like you just met again. Send erotic texts and get to know each other again.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How handy for your wife that she has a degree in human physiology and knows all about the male body. Oh, she doesn't, does she?

Sometimes when my wife has an exceptionally bad bout of arthritis we can't have sex.

Years ago, I heard of a way to deal with problems when one spouse can't have sex. And it doesn't involve an affair, a ONS, nor is there any cost involved. Apparently it works just as well for women, too.

I don't want to cause you any stress, but what did your wife mean when she thought you were going to "get all weird?"

She hasn't already started seeing someone else, has she? Someone like your best friend?


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## klarson27 (Apr 11, 2012)

slightly detach yourself emotionally and bang her like she's a hoar. Talk dirty to her.. I'll bet you won't have a problem staying hard and she'll love it. Plus it'll put you in control.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

sex is the glue so go to the doctors and IC and fix "it", even if this marriage doesn't work out you are going to need "it" so keep "it" healthy and keep your mind healthy.

Start working out, it takes the stress a way and it makes you look more attractive. It also gets the blood flowing.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Firstly you need to check your Doctor concerning that erection problem.
If its nothing medical,then your problem is psychosexual.
You are afraid of loosing her to another man.
Stop being afraid and fix your inner game.
Its difficult for a man to be sexually aroused by a dominant woman who berates his sexual ability. It is also difficult for a woman to be sexually attracted to a man who lacks self confidence, sexual aggression and inner game.
If you can get your hands on some Cialis from your doctor ,then it will help you get & keep an erection for as long as you want. 
When initiating sex with her,do not wait until bedtime to initiate, try it when she's least expecting it.Plan your approach,surprise her.
[ Eg: hold her from behind in a sexual way, or go into the shower while she is bathing and take charge.Soap her body,touch her feel her etc.]
The rest is up to you to fix your inner self.
Start a proper exercise programme and cut out all the junk food from your diet. [ Also smoking & excessive drinking if it applies.]


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get yourself to a doctor ASAP and at the same time grab a copy of Married Man's Self Life Primer and get reading.

Now on a more scary front - you also need to do some checking up on your wife. I'm worried that she is already exploring something with someone - especially given her previous texting affair. It's very possible it did not end last year!

Rarely does a woman "warn" a guy she is thinking about something new and exciting. Women are very careful about keeping that sort of stuff to themselves and when they do open up about it, they really down play it.

So get checking up on her. Do you a keylogger on the PC? Have you placed a VAR in her car? Have you checked her cell phone for major texting etc? 

I ask it this way since after her last texting affair you should have a lot of this stuff already in place form verifying that last affair actually ended.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

the guy said:


> sex is the glue so go to the doctors and IC and fix "it", even if this marriage doesn't work out you are going to need "it" so keep "it" healthy and keep your mind healthy.
> 
> Start working out, it takes the stress a way and it makes you look more attractive. It also gets the blood flowing.


:iagree:


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Start looking for another job if you haven't already. I'm sorry you lost your job, you just went from a position of power and respect in this culture to almost being as bad as a welfare recipient. People don't respect stay at home parents and unless someone has an iron will and strongly believes in what they are doing they soak up society's messages about it and feel like crap. 
Your wife isn't attracted to you because your self esteem is gone, which isn't your fault. You either need to change the way you view taking care of your kids as the most important job in the world or get a job outside the home. 
What are the prospects for your field in that area? Could you shift careers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

How did you get fired? She lost her attraction for you and this contributed to it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Get your testosterone levels checked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobbieShen (Jul 16, 2012)

I have a husband that has a hard time keeping it hard and initiating sex.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Get viagra and back-door it...that's new.


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## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

She wants to be f___ked..... dont think of being a gentleman when ur doing her... just think of her as a ***** and go at it...... I think she does not want your gentlemanly love but wants to be done like a *****... speaking plain and simple .... If she makes u feel bad because you are sensitive you have to change your thinking as well to keep it up and be a little desensitised to satisfy her by changing the thoughts in your head...
Of course keep looking for a job or another source of money !


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I'm pretty disappointed in the responses in this thread.

We've seen a few other posts like this about but with the roles reversed and the advice is usually different, often about how insensitive the other spouse is being.

Here though, the cure all is to get some Viagra and bang her like a screen door in a hurricane and everything will be better?

There's a much bigger issue here. Low self-esteem compounded by weak communication. And frankly, I can't blame the guy at all for how he feels. He has a lot of stress already relating to work and his wife and likely financial too, not to mention going from being the breadmaker to the homemaker essentially overnight. That's stress enough right there.

Then his wife tosses in she doesn't find him the least bit attractive, wants to bang another guy and then gets upset when he doesn't immediately jump her bones and actually wants to talk about it the next day.

And everyone's recommended treatment is to send dirty texts, get some Viagra and just go to town in the sack?

What about her lack of communication, her failure to understand her husbands esteem issues and her esstenially demanding her husband become a rock star in bed...or else?

To the OP, I'd suggest DEMANDING a sitdown discussion on the marriage, and you led that discussion. She had her chance to unload all her desires on you, including wanting another man, on you and left you no time to digest this information, nevermind express any counter thoughts to it. You have a right to communicate in the marriage as much as she does, so get your desires off your chest as well. Tell her about the wife YOU want her to be, about the needs you have, the pressure you have and what you need from her. If she wants ground-rattling sex, great. You'll give it to her. But only at the same pace she gives you what you want from her. You want emotional support, self-esteem boosts and other leaves of support, and when she gives you what you want, she'll get what she wants. Partners are supposed to boost each other, not set each other back, so make her understand this.

It's sad that when a situation arises where the woman doesn't want sex due to emotional issues but the husband does, it's ok and cause for discussion and work to create a better emotional bond. When it's reversed though, like in this case, then the advice is to get a pill and go to town.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Tell her that if she wants another man, You're not going to stop her. However, you will be getting a divorce. Tell her that when we got married she vowed for better or for worse; she promised herself to you. Now, that you've hit a major road block, she wants another guy? Then ask her if there's anything that she needs to tell you right now?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Yea this thread should be moved to the CWI section really. Anyway I had the same talk to my wife. 

The male penis is not the only head on your body. There have been times when I am stressed, upset, and it just doesn't happen. My pipes are fine and everything is working. But there have been times when my wife has initiated and my head just is not in the right place. I found out my wife was having the beginning of an emotional affair and it took me three days before the idea of even touching my wife sounded fun. 
His wife sounds like she is sexually ignorant. 
I don't think that even if you were having a good sex life that she still wouldn't want something new and exciting(I want to bang someone else).


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