# Dealing with exwifes affairs.



## nicholson76 (Oct 20, 2012)

I was married to the women of my dreams for 5 years. We might have rushed into marriage 9 months meeting to getting married. I was 30 at the time and knew what I wanted and was to be with her for the rest of my life. Life was good, but around 18 months into the marriage we started to argue about money issues, my ex had no sense of financial responsibility, ended up paying for numerous debts, she decided she wanted a boob job and her teeth re done. She said to boost her confidance. I told her I married her and loved the way she is, Flat as a board and buck teeth, but if it was important to her, it was important to me. So I put money down and allowed her to make payments. Now, we had no kids, she had her own job, but never paid a bill one. I saw it, it was my duty as a hushband to provide for my wife, but she seem to think her money was hers and my money was ours attitude. Another example she had to have a car, not any car and luxury car. Things like this went on and on for 3 more years. She finally decided she wanted to move out, I told her sure maybe space would renew the marriage, but 90 days later she moved back in and 27 days after she moved back in, she moved out one day while I was out of town on a trip (pilot). Came home to a dear john letter and that she wasn't happy. I tried to reassure her and told her I didn't understood, but said lets see what happens. I really though it was to prove her self worth and after 90 days she would move back in, Not the case 6 weeks later she told me she wanted a divorce. I told her I wouldn't give her one and she would have to file, 5 months later we were divorced and I find out she had at least 7 affairs with numerous guys. One being one of my friends that was an army buddy. I felt so betrayed by the women I was crazy about. I traveled a lot and felt guilty being gone so much, I am first to admit, I had my problems, Im not perfect but I NEVER cheated and tried to make up for the time I was gone when I was home. Ive been divorced 14 months and haven't seen her in 20 months. My heart still breaks for her. Ive seen a counselor, but that only went so far. Had a hard time sleeping, went out and drank to forget, which lasted about 4 weeks before I decided that wasn't smart. Got myself into the gym and bought me a motorcycle, working out and riding helps me clear my head. I try to keep myself busy, but I still think about my ex wife daily. Ive gone out with a couple of girls, but to me it still feels like Im cheating. When will this feeling end? Thanks in advance.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I'm not sure anyone really gets over being totally betrayed by someone they love and have blind trust and faith in. 

Your story reminds me of my time in the Navy. The internal stats are that about 90% of either the navy people or their spouses betray. When people are deployed (or in your case, out flying) the separation caused idle time and that's when you find out who has the betrayal DNA and addictions.

Very sorry to read your story. 

I would say as best you can look forward and not to the past. There are people out there who can be trusted. Don't give up.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

You're in Texas, so what do you do when you get thrown from a horse? Get back on. Of course, if its a horse you don't like anymore, you get a new horse herd.

Now that you're single, you need to educate yourself before this happens again.

Where do you fall within the male socio-sexual heirarchy?

What is your sexual value as perceived by women (IRL not by what they say - you may have noticed there is a large gap there).

Quit violating The Sixteen Commandments.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

nicholson76 said:


> Got myself into the gym and bought me a motorcycle, working out and riding helps me clear my head. I try to keep myself busy, but I still think about my ex wife daily. Ive gone out with a couple of girls, *but to me it still feels like Im cheating. *When will this feeling end? Thanks in advance.


This is a societal thing. Date like mad and it will go away. But, I had a long term GF 30 years ago who behaved like that and even though I moved on it took about six months to quit thinking about it and I still idly wonder about her probably every 3rd month. She ended up marrying an acquaintance of mine much later, but I haven't seen her since the break up. Naturally, this is going to be much worse for you, since you were actually married.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I recommend posting your cheating ex up on cheaterville.com to warn the next victim.

Consider posting your false army buddy a well.


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

nicholson76 said:


> I was married to the women of my dreams for 5 years. We might have rushed into marriage 9 months meeting to getting married. I was 30 at the time and knew what I wanted and was to be with her for the rest of my life. Life was good, but around 18 months into the marriage we started to argue and how money, my ex had no sense of financial responsibility, ended up paying for numerous debts, she decided she wanted a boob job and her teeth re done. She said to boost her confidance. I told her I married her and loved the way she is, Flat as a board and buck teeth, but if it was important to her, it was important to me. So I put money done and allowed her to make payments. Now, we had no kids, she had her own job, but never paid a bill one. I saw it, it was my duty as a hushband to provide for my wife, but she seem to think her money was hers and my money was ours attitude. Things like this went on and on for 3 more years. She finally decided she wanted to move out, I told her sure maybe space would renew the marriage, but 90 days later she moved back in and 27 days after she moved back in, she moved out one day while I was out of town on a trip (pilot). Came home to a dear john letter and that she wasn't happy. I tried to reassure her and told her I didn't understood, but said lets see what happens. I really though it was to prove her self worth and after 90 days she would move back in, Not the case 6 weeks later she told me she wanted a divorce. I told her I wouldn't give her one and she would have to file, 5 months later we were divorced and I find out she had at least 7 affairs with numerous guys. One being one of my friends that was an army buddy. I felt so betrayed by the women I was crazy about. I traveled a lot and felt guilty being gone so much, but I NEVER cheated and tried to make up for the time I was gone when I was home. Ive been divorced 14 months and haven't seen her in 20 months. My heart still breaks for her. Ive seen a counselor, but that only went so far. Had a hard time sleeping, went out and drank to forget, which lasted about 4 weeks before I decided that wasn't smart. Got myself into the gym and bought me a motorcycle, working out and riding helps me clear my head. I try to keep myself busy, but I still think about my ex wife daily. Ive gone out with a couple of girls, but to me it still feels like Im cheating. When will this feeling end? Thanks in advance.


First of all, thanks for your service to our country.

Your wife did you dirty. You didn't deserve the treatment you received.

You need to tell yourself you are doing no wrong when you go out. _If _your wearing the ring, take it off. Now. Not later. Tonight. Put it up. Pawn it. Do something with it. But take it off. If you have any pictures out, trinkets to remind you of the marriage - put them away as well. Put them in a box and put them in the back of the closet. This will help. 

You are doing no wrong by dating. Date - a lot. Go ahead and put up a dating profile. Talk to women. Do social things - motorcycle club. Volunteer somewhere (women think that is super hot, by the way). Get a new dog - train it and take it to puppy class. Go jogging in the local park. Single women are EVERYWHERE. The only thing I tell my single friends not to do is date at work - don't poop where you eat.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Nich, do what shaggy said. Let the next guy that comes along know what's coming. You got used man, plain and simple. Start throwing that iron around, dress better, cologne, etc.. Walk with confidence, hold your head up and know that you are a decent guy with morals good luck.


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## nicholson76 (Oct 20, 2012)

Thanks everyone for the support, I am taking care of myself. I look good and feel good, but still have that conflict in my head, I know what I need to do its just difficult. I try to keep myself busy.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

nicholson76 said:


> .... We might have rushed into marriage 9 months meeting to getting married. ....


That right there....you married her after only knowing her for 9 months. In other words, you never really knew her at all.

You long for the person you THOUGHT she was, but she was never that person, it was all a front for what she wanted you to believe. 

You gotta concentrate on yourself and continue to move on with your life. The fantasy you created about who she was needs to die and go away. 

Be strong. You got this.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like to dealt with it by getting divorced! now its me time get your act together and just start enjoying life again do the things you did before you me the Bi*ch and before you know some smart woman will see you for the guy you are and presto


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

In the future I would suggest you take a little more time to get to know someone before committing to marriage;9 months isn't long enough to see all sides of people. It doesn't matter if you know what you want, it's just not long enough to get a good look at someone, particularly with you traveling as lot, because you really don't spend that much time together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

You'll feel better when you realize that it wasn't your fault, you were conned and outside of not marrying her there's nothing you could have done to stop what she did. Even if you were home 24/7 she would have cheated.

You got a bad apple, I had a few myself. Learn to avoid women like her and find someone better. Sounds like you were a KISA and really women get bored of that type pretty easily.

When you meet someone you click with again you'll forget all about her.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

ArmyofJuan said:


> You'll feel better when you realize that it wasn't your fault, you were conned and outside of not marrying her there's nothing you could have done to stop what she did. Even if you were home 24/7 she would have cheated.
> 
> You got a bad apple, I had a few myself. Learn to avoid women like her and find someone better. Sounds like you were a KISA and really women get bored of that type pretty easily.
> 
> When you meet someone you click with again you'll forget all about her.


This
You were unlucky enough to marry a con artist, a sociopath user who tricked and toke adventage of you. Thanks God you never had kids with her.
Yeah, learn to read the clues, the financial selfishness was a sign.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Obviously the teeth and boob jobs were to prepare her for her exit. Real sweet on her part. Hopefully she's involved with someone who will use her the same way you've been used. Maybe she'll get a glimpse of wha tyou're going through. Maybe. 

Your best revenge is to live well. Do what you like to do. Get a Piper Cub and start boring holes through the sky on the weekends, get those $100 hamburgers at some little sh!thole airport nobody ever goes to. Get a bicycle and ride the heck out of it. 

God bless


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Its going to take a while to get over her, that's for sure. You can start dating if you want. Take this as a learning experience. You made many mistakes, but you will not make them in your next relationship. Despite being the girl of your dreams, she NEVER treated you with respect. All you were to her was the man who paid the bills, nothing more. She was the entitled princess, and you were just the provider. You deserve better than that and you will find someone better. Just don't repeat the same mistakes.

Take it from one who has been in your shoes. One day you will be kicking yourself in the @ss and wondering what took you so long to get over her. You'll wonder what you ever saw in her in the first place. Seriously.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your ex-wife and her betrayal of you. In outlining your situation your now ex reminded me of my WS's xOW and her now xBS, save for a few minor details; no pilots involved and no boob job that I know of.

The xOW in my situation, when she first met her xBS she had terrible teeth (extremely crooked, gum disease....took more than braces to fix). Teeth were so bad she was picked on badly back in her school days. Family was welfare poor, she and her siblings grew up with little to none beyond the absolute necessities. 

Several years ago met her xBS who came from a wealthy background and they fast tracked moving in together. His parents paid over 10K to get her teeth fixed, xBS paid for everything else (high-end car, nice clothes/jewelry, toys, nice house) while she worked, and still works, a low paying job and never wanted to contribute or pay for anything. Very selfish, especially given all that was done for her by a family whose son she was never even married to.

Once xOW became better looking in her own opinion (her xBS stated he loved her no matter what), the cheating according to her xBS and others was non-stop. Guys at work, friends of the xBS, lunchtime hook-ups in her xBS's house/bed. By her own admission she never used any protection with these other guys, not against pregnancy or STDs. 

I know her siblings and they seem like nice, decent people but maintain this one was impacted differently by their upbringing (shame, embarrassment about family, herself) and they describe her as a entitled narcissist who would stop at nothing to get what she wants. Also fond of "trading up" when it comes to men; money, looks, whatever.

I'm no psychiatrist but narcissistic, sociopathic, con artist....all good descriptors for these types. At the very, very minimum, gold digger. There's little to no help for narcissists, none at all for sociopaths. They use people up and toss them out for the next trade up. She was interested in my WS mostly because of our home and it's location, cars, material stuff. Same for the other men she cheated with.

In the end, the xOW's xBS sold the house they once lived in together and moved a couple hours away from the area to take a new job, also went no contact with her. A lot of changes at once but I hear he's doing better now, has been about a year.

Consider yourself lucky you're out of that now (and with no kids), don't look back. If you do look back, only do so to remind yourself of the red flags and to stay away from these types in the future. Try to stay busy with work and enjoyable activities. IC if you're not going already.

Good luck!


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

OP the best revenge you can take is to go out and live your life for yourself. By sitting there and wallowing you are allowing her to maintain power over you. You have to drop the victim mentality and take your destiny into your own hands. 

Get into IC and really work your issues. Then create a bucket list of short term and long term goals. Work them one at a time and check them off as you go. Live your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i saw your post on Cheaterville.

way to go, bro.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

go out, keep dating.

you'll be amazed how another beautiful woman can change your life.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Nich, I thought I would say a little bit more on the side of the way you feel. It will take some time to move on. Being hammered like that by someone who said they supposedly loved you, is not easy. The next time a woman says that to you, it might be hard to trust it. I am also an Army vet, and work in the lawdog society. For me it is a struggle everyday, to which I have to put a choke hold on my paranoia. In the end us good men just want to be loved and respected. Everything else, trust, sharing, caring etc.. These things come with a relationship. 
For me I was not going into a relationship ever again unless I was sure deep down she was being real and wanted only one thing. Me! 
You will find that special someone who is worthy of what you have to offer. Take things slow, not snail pace slow, but make sure you pay attention to those red flags. I was told this by a good friend. You are a good man, with sound morals and normal wants. Good luck.


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