# Lawyering Up - Need Advice



## OvaryPunch (May 15, 2013)

The beginning to my story was discussed here.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/75609-he-left-denies-ea.html

Today, I received an email stating my husband has an attorney friend who is willing to do our divorce for us for $750. He wants to know if I am willing to do an "amicable divorce" with one lawyer. He says as long as it is amicable there is no conflict of interest. If a dispute arises then two attorneys get involved blah blah.

I told him I was not making that decision today. I needed more time to think it over. He insisted on coming to my house and discussing it. During the course of the conversation, he admitted he is having a PA with the OW and that he is/was cheating on me. I told him to get the "eff" out of my house. Have not spoken to him since. 

My question to you experts is: Is this a thing? One lawyer and if there are any disputes in the process the lawyer stops all negotiations until a new lawyer comes in to represent the other party. Have you guys heard of this or is he trying to royally screw me over? I don't feel right about it. It's his friend. He's paying for it. Doesn't sit right with me.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Get your own lawyer... NOW..


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

Don't do it get your own or you will get screwed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

My STBXH and I have only one lawyer. If any disputes come up, then he will need to get one. As of now we have been fine and have agreed upon everything, so there has been no need for one. If you feel that your divorce is going to be "messy", then yes...i definitely recommend getting one or at least consulting with one. Lawyers will give you 1 free consultation. Check out a few of them and see what they have to say, and if you decide to get one, go with the one that gave you that "warm fuzzy" feeling.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

If he wants to do that at minimum tell him that you are going to be the plaintiff. That makes you the one suing for divorce. If it goes south, you withdraw the divorce preceding's and let him file. Then you would have to lawyer up and start over. The other way around could leave you rushing to get a lawyer and you could get screwed pretty bad.


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## OvaryPunch (May 15, 2013)

jdlash said:


> If he wants to do that at minimum tell him that you are going to be the plaintiff. That makes you the one suing for divorce. If it goes south, you withdraw the divorce preceding's and let him file. Then you would have to lawyer up and start over. The other way around could leave you rushing to get a lawyer and you could get screwed pretty bad.


I'm on the fence. I mean technically there are no assets to split; its just going to be who gets what debt, child support and visitation. I think I'll continue to stall until I get some money saved up. 

I like the idea of doing it as the plaintiff so I can withdraw it if i want to. But how do I withdraw if I dont like the way it is going?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Given the fact that you two don't seem particularly amicable, I'm not sure that a shared lawyer is a great idea. That works best when the two of you can sit in the same room without someone wanting to claw the other person's eyes out.

There are other options that can help save money. Collaborative divorces, mediation, and the good old adversarial.

BTW, around here, BOTH parties need their own lawyer to sign off on the divorce agreement, I believe. Or in legal terms, they both need independent legal counsel. Even if they draw up the agreement themselves or share a lawyer to do so.

C


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

A shared lawyer should be neutral and should be appointed by both parties at the same time. This guy is your husband's friend (and I assume has already been appointed by your H). How is that neutral?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Lawyers can't share opposing clients, which is what you are in a divorce. There is a conflict (hence plaintiff vs. defendant) And any attorney who tries to tell you there is no conflict is lying. Run out of their office.

Another option in keeping the fees down is to have H attorney draft the necessary documents, and have H pay for you to have the papers independently reviewed by an attorney of your choice. Call the local bar and get references.
FYI, My STBXH and I are are doing a collaborative divorce, and even in that MY attorney adviced STBXH to get independent representation, which he declined. That is in the separation agreement. So far he's agreed, but if there is a dispute he understands he is on his own. We will see.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

if everything is agreed upon, fire the lawyer, DIY divorce

in TN it's $184

he is rushing you with his chosen lawyer

that alone sends red flags


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

This...



Pluto2 said:


> Lawyers can't share opposing clients, which is what you are in a divorce. There is a conflict (hence plaintiff vs. defendant) And any attorney who tries to tell you there is no conflict is lying. Run out of their office.


...is true. But, I think this...



Pluto2 said:


> Another option in keeping the fees down is to have H attorney draft the necessary documents, and have H pay for you to have the papers independently reviewed by an attorney of your choice. Call the local bar and get references.


...is what the OP's husband is asking for.

Just be careful, though... This is how my AXW and I started out. We agreed on everything. I hired a lawyer for the sole purpose of drafting the paperwork and filing it for us. At my recommendation, she got her own lawyer to double check everything.

Once we had a first draft of the settlement papers, she kind of freaked out and decided she "deserved" more and wanted everything... In the end, she's getting almost nothing she set out to get, and it'll end up costing us 5 times what it should have, just because of her stubborn pride.

All I'm saying is, once you start lawyering up, things can escalate quickly. Be careful that what you get is worth the fight.


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## OvaryPunch (May 15, 2013)

I've been really down lately -- as to be expected -- and kind of lost faith in people. 

Today, my faith in people was restored -- a lot! We had a garage sale. I put some stuff out just to get rid of it -- presents from the stbxh and such. I found out later, my parents and sister were contributing anything they got to my "divorce fundraiser."

A lady who is related to my niece on her father's side-- I've only met her 1-2 times in my life -- just dropped off $120 and a bag of candy for me because she remembered how bad she felt during her divorce.

I don't have any way to contact this lady -- she dropped it off when I was inside and rushed off to avoid a scene. So, I'm putting this out there cosmically. Thank you... you made my whole week.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

At Christmas the local church that my kids go to for youth group dropped off a cheque for $200. I must have cried for 15 minutes.

Take the generosity as a pat on the back that you will make it.

Just like I had Christmas money. Now you have need money.

Just remember to pay it forward when you are able.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

My AXW tried this with me. The first draft of the separation agreement said she would be represented by so and so. The next line basically said that because of my education, travels, and life experiences, I would represent myself. That quickly got changed, when I retained my own attorney. I may be trusting, but im not stupid. In this state, SC, you cannot have one attorney representing both. Doesnt matter how amicable. Im not fool enough to go to court unrepresented while the AXW was.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

toonaive 

Portrayed you as Plato

hoped you'd be Goofy


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## OvaryPunch (May 15, 2013)

So, in my previous thread, I told you guys that my STBXH is in law enforcement. I moved into my sister's house which happens to be in his territory. On more than one occasion, my sister and her daughter have observed him driving by the house in his patrol car checking up on us. 

What do I do with this? Should i just ignore it? I'm pretty sure I saw him drive by in his personal vehicle tonight and take off when he saw we were leaving the house (he bought a big black Lincoln Navigator thats pretty conspicuous) -- my sister's not so sure it was him. And just for clarification, I do not live on a busy street that he would normally go down. Its nowhere near anything he would be going to. 

It creeps me out to be honest. He's the one who left. Leave me alone.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Is he capable of more? 

It would not be career forwarding for him to have restraining order put on him.

I was let him know that you are creeped by his behaviour and would hate to have to talk to someone at his office about his behaviour.


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