# Setback in relationship (work in progress)



## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

My wife and I have been through a lot over our time together. After coming close to it ending last year and early this year, we pressed on and things have got better. Most issues were related to my lying and time management, and my wife not feeling like she is first in my life. I have been able to earn back some of her trust and have worked on being more open and honest with her. The honest part i have no problem with, the open, however, doesn't come easily. We had a step back the other day. After feeling very stressed lately, i told her about it (which is something i never used to do). I then told her that i had fantasized about just getting away from everything for 7-10 days. She asked, humourously, "Am i there with you?". I replied 100% honestly and told her that i had thought about it both ways, by myself and with her. Let me be clear: this was a daydream and in my opinion, just a reaction to daily stresses. I would never "get away" without my wife with me. She took this terribly and it hurt her feelings. She told me it was just proof that i am still being selfish and will never place her first. I do not agree with this and am resentful that by being totally open, i caused problems. I feel like being totally open and honest is ok as long as i don't say the wrong thing! Any insight or suggestions?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

That sounds like something I would say, and my H would be hurt too. As he puts it, he is in the place where escaping with me is what he dreams about and it hurts him that I would ever think of escaping without him. I didn't mean it to hurt him either, but it did. So....now I am honest with him, but I also have to take his feeling into consideration and say "OMG< I would love for us each to escape with our seperate friends in Vegas and then meet up on the last day and have it be just us" . I am still throwing out there that I might need some alone time, but that I still want to be with him too.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Well look at it form your wife's point of view. One of her biggest issues was not feeling she was important to you. By saying you didn't want her with (doesn't matter that you said both, this is what she heard) you hit her hard. She wants to feel like a vacation to "get away" for you is getting away from life's pressures. she wants to be one (as in THE one) of your life's joys.

Now the open and honest thing. Yes, you were. Yes it is good to be open and honest. But there are times when you have to balance that with the pain you could cause.


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