# My almost exwife is bringing OM around my young kids



## sadch (Jan 7, 2012)

I caught my almost ex-wife cheating (Will be final Nov.1) in January of 2012. We lived 2.5 months together, with her seeing OM before I got my spine back and moved out.

She still dates the guy and my girls 3 and 5 have met the OM a couple of times already. Usually they would meet at a restaurant or museum, etc. on neutral ground.
I just found out that he might have spent the day with them at her house.
I know I have to suck it up that I will not be the only influence on my kids lives and I will have to learn to accept that fact.

But it just feels like they are moving too fast, I mean seeing how their relationship started and how new it is freaks me out that this is going to mess with my little girls heads.

I have expressed my feelings to my ex and she basically says that she is in a committed relationship with this guy and is taking is slowly and carefully. She then told me to get more counseling to deal with my issues and get over it.

Am I overreacting?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Affair relationships only have a marginal chance of success. Ride the storm and he'll be out of your life sooner than you think.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Complexity said:


> Affair relationships only have a marginal chance of success. Ride the storm and he'll be out of your life sooner than you think.


:iagree:

Their relationship is just another relationship now. And now OM has to meet all the needs that were previously met by you, and now reality starts to set in. For the OM, the affair only involved your WW, now her kids are in the picture, and your WW no longer has a convenient babysitter. Its not all picnics and butterflies anymore. Now there's bills to pay, kids to take care of, house to maintain, etc, etc, etc,...all the stuff you used to take care of. And there's suspicion because the R was built on deceit. Now the thrill of sneaking around and the hot sex are gone.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

why did you move out? should of been the other way around


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

67flh said:


> why did you move out? should of been the other way around


This is good advice, but far too late to do any good for the OP.
You need to nail down visitation with your children so they can see that you love them in spite of not being able to be with them.
It's likely that she will eventually be cheating on him and he may not be around as long as she thinks.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Well, time to get your spine back again. Go see a lawyer about getting a restraining order out on the OM to not be around your kids until the divorce is finalized.

A judge doesn't really give a sh*t about you or your wife's feelings on the matter. The judge will only have the kids best interest at heart and will probably sign the RO knowing that OM in the picture is too confusing to the kids right now. And that's how YOU have to look at it.

If your wife goes balistic, oh well! You're not "breaking up her relationship" You're protecting your kids, AS A GOOD FATHER SHOULD!!!!


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## sadch (Jan 7, 2012)

I moved out because her parents own the house and did not want to get in any more drama than necessary.
Under what grounds could I file a restraining order against the OM.
We have 50/50 custody and that is all written out in the divorce documents.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Talk to a lawyer. The grounds is because you are still married and that guy has no business being around your kids while you two are still married. It is too confusing for your kids. And it's only going to escalate. Right now, it's meeting up out for shopping or the museum, NOW you find out he spent the day at your house. You know it's going to progress into him spending the night while your kids are there. Regardless if you to are going to divorce, you are still married to her; therefore, he has no business being around your kids. After your divorced, then theres nothing to be done, your divorced.

Talk to a lawyer, a lot of lawyer's have a free consultation. Might be worth your time to ask.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I have heard of something called a Morality Clause in other forums. Something to the effect that the OM/OW is not allowed to spend the night at the residence while the children are present. Might want to contact a lawyer and look it up.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

sadch said:


> Under what grounds could I file a restraining order against the OM.


You can't, unless he has assaulted you.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Grounds are ---he is a complete stranger, and in all reality your wife knows little/nothing of him---she knows what he tells her---she who is in disneyland while she communicates with him

Until the time, that you have no choice, you want him nowhere near your kids-----do not forget the argument that he is a liar/manipulator/cheater himself

You do not need to come home one night to find out he has done one of any number of things to your kids, or influenced them the wrong way---after all what is he actually----A HOMEWRECKER


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

Get a lawyer. Get good legal advice. And search your heart and grow bigger balls.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sadch said:


> She then told me to get more counseling to deal with my issues and get over it.
> 
> Am I overreacting?


She wants you to "get over" the fact that she spat on your marriage and stamped on your heart?

She wants you to "get over" the fact that she has introduced your children to a strange man? 

Because, of course, she has done a due diligence search to ensure that he has no criminal record and is not on a sex offenders list?

Oh? She hasn't? Well, she'll probably expect you to just "get over" that, too!

Are you over reacting? Heck, no!

Apparently your wife thinks that counselling for *you* will wash away *her* guilt. That's not how counselling works. Your wife needs a very large fog horn, as she is very deeply in the fog.

Your wife has done wrong. Until she can acknowledge this neither of you can "get over it."


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Best thing I did , which expedited the OM exiting, was to inform my kids about the genesis of their mom's relationship.

I have three young daughters, and wanted them to be aware of this man's lack of morals.
In less than a year, with my daughters hating the guy, the relationship was dead.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

BigLiam said:


> Best thing I did , which expedited the OM exiting, was to inform my kids about the genesis of their mom's relationship.
> 
> I have three young daughters, and wanted them to be aware of this man's lack of morals.
> In less than a year, with my daughters hating the guy, the relationship was dead.


:iagree:

Lawyer up and seek his/her opinion.

Might not be anything you can do. Your ex might be correct for you to focus on your issues. Sorry to agree with her but she might be right. She is saying to you I am in this relationship and there is nothing you can do so deal with it. It is wrong on all counts but this is your reality. 

Make the time with your kids count. Have fun with them. Your ex has moved on and I seriously doubt that there is much you can do about it unless the guy has a criminal background. That is something you might want to look into.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I'd still talk to a lawyer. I would tell him or her that you don't want that guy around your kids while you're still married. Just talk to one and see even if that is an option. Your wife is gone, now it's time to be a Dad and protect those kids. This isn't about you "getting revenge" This is about a total stranger being around your little kids.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

crossbar said:


> I'd still talk to a lawyer. I would tell him or her that you don't want that guy around your kids while you're still married. Just talk to one and see even if that is an option. Your wife is gone, now it's time to be a Dad and protect those kids. This isn't about you "getting revenge" This is about a total stranger being around your little kids.


:iagree:


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