# Several failed attempts to have sex with my fiance



## JuanSnow (Apr 27, 2015)

Ok so me and my fiance are going to be getting married in a couple of months. since we have been together, we have only had sex a handful of times. It comes down to me. We make out and get passionate but than i get all shy and overthink and cant maintain my erection. Its happened in the past with previous partners but after having sex with that person once, it wouldnt happen again. But now with my fiance, i just get all nervous. Im going crazy because we both want to have great sex but i get all nervous. I dont know what to do, or what we can do to get me comfortable with myself. I know as soon as i get relaxed and comfortable, this wont happen again. Its really frustrating and i feel embarrassed after failed attempts....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

How long have you and she been dating and engaged?

What is her sexual experience before meeting you? Are you her first?

Does she pressure you for sex? Or do you do the initiating?

Do you watch a lot of porn?

I think that the two of you should seek out a sex therapist... a marriage counselor who also is a sex therapist. They know of exercises that you can do to get over this issue. Start now before you marry so that you start out your marriage on a good note.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Viagra or Cialis for awhile, until you build your confidence back up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JuanSnow (Apr 27, 2015)

I am 26 and she is 23
We have been together 2 and a half years. We waited a year before we had sex. Thats the longest i have waited to have sex with any girl ive dated. Not sure if that matters or not.

Her sexual experience before me was limited. Im the 3rd guy she has been with and she didnt have much sex.

No pressuring into having sex. We make out but i make the first move.

I watch porn on occasion. I have always been like that and never had this issue like i do now. I read somewhere that if i do watch porn or masturbate, to try stopping and maybe it would help. It didnt. i still choked up. 

Do you think a therapist would be the best option?


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## JuanSnow (Apr 27, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> How old are the two of you?
> 
> How long have you and she been dating and engaged?
> 
> ...


We have been together for 2 and a half years 
Her sexual expericnes prior to me was very limited. She has only had 2 sexual partners prio to myself and sex was not regular.
There is no pressuring one another for sex. WE make out and get heated but I always pull the first move.
I watch porn on occasion, like I have in previous relationships. I have had great sexual experiences prior to now.
Do you think a therapist is the best thing to do?


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## another shot (Apr 14, 2015)

Slow it waaaaay down and keep your cool to get thru it ????


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## JuanSnow (Apr 27, 2015)

We have been together for 2 and a half years 
Her sexual expericnes prior to me was very limited. She has only had 2 sexual partners prio to myself and sex was not regular.
There is no pressuring one another for sex. WE make out and get heated but I always pull the first move.
I watch porn on occasion, like I have in previous relationships. I have had great sexual experiences prior to now.
Do you think a therapist is the best thing to do?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Juan,

Viagra
Cialis
Or
Yohimbe




[
Yohimbe is the least expensive and it does work. Viagra is about $20 for each 100 mg pill. 

Do NOT take a 100 mg Viagra pill. Instead, cut it into quarters, and take one quarter of a tablet an hour before hand. It will make you rock hard. And most likely you will find that it is effective for far longer than they claim. For instance if you take it at 8 pm. Have sex at 9 pm, I'd expect that early the next morning you will find it is still working very strongly. 

So Viagra is about $4 or $5 per dose. Yohimbe is more like $.50 - 50 cents per dose. It works well but not quite as well. 

One last thing - you can slowly keep reducing the dose until you find the smallest amount that gets the job done. 


QUOTE=JuanSnow;12472186]Ok so me and my fiance are going to be getting married in a couple of months. since we have been together, we have only had sex a handful of times. It comes down to me. We make out and get passionate but than i get all shy and overthink and cant maintain my erection. Its happened in the past with previous partners but after having sex with that person once, it wouldnt happen again. But now with my fiance, i just get all nervous. Im going crazy because we both want to have great sex but i get all nervous. I dont know what to do, or what we can do to get me comfortable with myself. I know as soon as i get relaxed and comfortable, this wont happen again. Its really frustrating and i feel embarrassed after failed attempts....[/QUOTE]


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JuanSnow said:


> I watch porn on occasion. I have always been like that and never had this issue like i do now. I read somewhere that if i do watch porn or masturbate, to try stopping and maybe it would help. It didnt. i still choked up.


How long did you go without using porn and masturbating?



JuanSnow said:


> Do you think a therapist would be the best option?


I think that you should look at everything you can think of to to eliminate causes until you find an answer.

While it sounds like this might be an emotional issue, it might not be.

Start with a medical doctor and have a complete physical to include your testosterone levels, thyroid levels and anything else that could cause ED. If there is nothing physical then go to the sex therapist with your girl friend. This is not just a you issue. this is the two of you have an issue.

You are a young guy. Even if you do get some of the meds others mention, I would still pursue all of the above because if at all possible you do not want to have to rely on meds if you can find another way.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I think you need to play a game with your fiancé. First, be sure you have communicated to her your frustration of loosing your erection due to nervousness. Then challenge her to make you VERY nervous anytime you get an erection to see how fast she can scare it away. In this situation the two of you can have a good laugh, and in the worst case scenario she will fail to scare your erection away (which is what you are hoping for!)


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Juan.

ist realize this is a somewhat common problem even among younger men believe it or not. I'm guessing 80% that your problem is 'performance anxiety' rather than physical ED. Still, the advice of above posters to have a medical review is sound advice, just to be sure it's not something physical.

Now assuming it isn't physical, you should be comforted by the fact that your fiance is relatively inexperienced. If you were dealing with an experienced women (at least in your mind), the pressure would be higher because you might expect her to be less patient.

You are simply putting too much pressure on yourself.
You are psyching yourself out.
Take that pressure off yourself.
Take a deep breath and try to relax about the whole thing.
Men are not machines.
The performance aspect is a complex milieu of physiological and psychological mechanisms. If any one is off, then........

So; two suggestions

1. for the next few days or weeks, participate in non PIV pleasure.
learn about each others bodies and what makes gets her off 
and gets you off, non PIV. Even when your back to your old studly self, this will become valuable. Intimacy is not just PIV.

2. Pay attention to MEM and HAPPY, they know what they're talking about. Cialis has gotten me through a few rough patches over the years. Once you get back to success 1, 2, 3 times with the dope, and you feel like your studly self again, you will go for months or years without a problem.

Good luck


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
one of the largest causes of ED in young men is stress worrying about ED. Really.

Stop worrying about it. Find other ways to please her in bed. Odd are that if you stop being stressed about it the problem will go away. Meanwhile practice your other skills.....


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