# Should I go or should I stay?



## higgsb (Apr 4, 2016)

Long story short - I discovered that my wife had an affair while I was teaching overseas. I let me principal know that I wouldn't be returning for the 2016/2017 school year and found a dream job in Costa Rica for next school year. My wife could hardly object and things were going fine, I stopped obsessing about her affair but then boom - she gets pregnant!

First she says, if I go then she wants a divorce and I gladly agreed. I told her she could have all the assets (I'm a teacher so its not much but she can have it) and that I would send her all my money and live on bologna sandwiches. I really thought we had it worked out. Then, out of the blue she says that if I go, she would get an abortion so I told her that I wouldn't go but I'm miserable and the thought of not going is like a trigger or something and I'm starting to think about her affair again. I'm starting to feel really depressed, I'm starting to eat too much and I'm not sure what to do.

I really want to leave.

What should I do?


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

americansteve said:


> Long story short - I discovered that my wife had an affair while I was teaching overseas. I let me principal know that I wouldn't be returning for the 2016/2017 school year and found a dream job in Costa Rica for next school year. My wife could hardly object and things were going fine, I stopped obsessing about her affair but then boom - she gets pregnant!
> 
> First she says, if I go then she wants a divorce and I gladly agreed. I told her she could have all the assets (I'm a teacher so its not much but she can have it) and that I would send her all my money and live on bologna sandwiches. I really thought we had it worked out. Then, out of the blue she says that if I go, she would get an abortion so I told her that I wouldn't go but I'm miserable and the thought of not going is like a trigger or something and I'm starting to think about her affair again. I'm starting to feel really depressed, I'm starting to eat too much and I'm not sure what to do.
> 
> ...


Leave. She can't put that on you and she is clearly trying to control you with the child. You lost all control of the child/fetus' birth at orgasm as a matter of law.

You won't be happy and will always resent her if you don't go and follow your dream. If she has the kid, you will have a responsibility of care and support and should return at some point to be a father to kid. But that will give you a clean break from a relationship you clearly do not value.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Divorce and pay child support.

And that's assuming, of course, that the child is even yours.

If she's claiming it's yours, insist on a DNA-based paternity test before signing _anything_ that establishes legal paternity.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Leave. She can't put that on you and she is clearly trying to control you with the child. You lost all control of the child/fetus' birth at orgasm as a matter of law.
> 
> You won't be happy and will always resent her if you don't go and follow your dream. If she has the kid, you will have a responsibility of care and support and should return at some point to be a father to kid. But that will give you a clean break from a relationship you clearly do not value.


This^^^
If she has the kid, get a DNA test so you are not stuck with 18 plus years of child support.


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## higgsb (Apr 4, 2016)

I love this advice - it's exactly what I needed to hear. My mom keeps saying "do the right thing" but the thought of staying here is just overwhelming and the fact is, I don't even have a job lined up plus after the baby comes, she'll take 3 months maternity leave. Potentially that means 3 months with no income.

Anyway, I want to post this in the LadiesLounge just see what the other half says. 

Thanks to you all for the feedback!


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

It does suck if it's your kid and you never see him/her. Unless you don't care...then PARTY ON!


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Leave her! But don't give her ALL of the assets. She is entitled to 50%, nothing more. She cheated on you, time to man up.

Not sure if I could leave my unborn child and never be part of their life though. That's a tough one... only you can decide that.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Is the baby yours?


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## higgsb (Apr 4, 2016)

As far as paternity - I told her immediately that after the kid was born, I'd be getting a paternity test and she didn't even blink. I can't imagine she'd be so stupid as to think that I wouldn't have a paternity test done. I'm confident it's mine.

Seems to be unanimous consent that I should.
Seems only my mom doesn't agree.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Agree with Guy. This is the time to find your spine and stand up not roll over. Divorce, do what you have to legally but no more. If she screwed this up then she gets to own it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

americansteve said:


> As far as paternity - I told her immediately that after the kid was born, I'd be getting a paternity test and she didn't even blink. I can't imagine she'd be so stupid as to think that I wouldn't have a paternity test done. I'm confident it's mine.
> 
> Seems to be unanimous consent that I should.
> Seems only my mom doesn't agree.


FYI, you don't have to wait until the child is born -- a very non-invasive paternity test can be done NOW.

And you know what? Make sure that she's actually pregnant first. Go to the closest Walgreens, bring back 3 pregnancy tests, and have her use them IN FRONT OF YOU. Don't cheap out; buy quality tests. Ask a pharmacist or someone there for help.

Once she's done, take the tests and keep them w/ you. Count down the clock until the results are viewable.

If she refuses to take the tests or reveals that she's not pregnant after all (or that she is but it isn't yours), divorce IMMEDIATELY.

Your Mom's advice ("Do the right thing.") is good, but it sounds like she's at least a bit confused w/ respect to what the right thing actually is.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Were you planning on taking your W with you to Costa Rica before she got pregnant? I'm a little confused here. I'm going to be the odd man out.... If it's your kid, I'd say stay around (not necessarily stay married mind you) and take care of him/her. If it's not, leave.


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