# I hate this roller coaster...please let me off!



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I hate this. Thinking of my H all the time. My first thought in the morning and my last at night-he is even taking over my dreams. I hate missing him. Or who i thought he was. I know my kids and i are the farthest things on his mind-hes with one of the many Ows.its been 4 days no contact and it drives me nuts. The holidays suck. I miss him. But why? WTF is wrong with me? Where is my self worth-surely i was raised better than this. I deserve better but its soooo dam hard...
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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

We all feel that way! My hardest time is at night when I go to bed alone I just lay here and it is like I hit repeat or something everynight.
You will be on this coaster for a while. I am sorry u are going through this.
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## N8vee (Nov 4, 2012)

From my experience it's because this feeling isn't mutual between both spouses. 

I certainly wish I was at the same stage as my stbxw is. It would surely make this much easier to just let go.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> We all feel that way! My hardest time is at night when I go to bed alone I just lay here and it is like I hit repeat or something everynight.
> You will be on this coaster for a while. I am sorry u are going through this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QU im sorry your going thru this to. I wish there was an overnight cure. My hardest time is at night to. I dont sleep well as it is and i have a 2mnth old. Its like he is lurking in my mind constantly. I get angry a few days then right back to sad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

They sure do make it seem easy! Makes you think did the WA spouses even feel love? Or was it all a facade...
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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Could not imagine night time with a 2 month old alone.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Its hard. But if it wasnt for my kids idk what I would do.
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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

mama2five said:


> They sure do make it seem easy! Makes you think did the WA spouses even feel love? Or was it all a facade...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They've just detached, and they started the process a long time ago.

When you are able to detach, you'll feel the same way. 

*hugs*


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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> They've just detached, and they started the process a long time ago.
> 
> When you are able to detach, you'll feel the same way.
> 
> *hugs*


I agree! I am just starting this rollercoaster ride. But my wife is already off and onto the next ride. Going to be a tough one. Hang in there, there are more out there like us. We will get through this.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

It sucks! I have a good day every once in a while.
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## confused777 (Nov 21, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> They've just detached, and they started the process a long time ago.
> 
> When you are able to detach, you'll feel the same way.
> 
> *hugs*


^ Will we catch up though? Will we detach? Or is it just something people say? Or something we have to accept/ settle for because we have no choice in the matter?

Where are the stories of left behind spouses finding happiness? I wish I could hear their success stories. I'm quietly hopeful for a happy future but wondering if it's a coping mechanism and a form of denial.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

confused777 said:


> ^ Will we catch up though? Will we detach? Or is it just something people say? Or something we have to accept/ settle for because we have no choice in the matter?
> 
> Where are the stories of left behind spouses finding happiness? I wish I could hear their success stories. I'm quietly hopeful for a happy future but wondering if it's a coping mechanism and a form of denial.


Over time, fresher concerns will overshadow this, and this particular hurt will fade, or get numb.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I sure hope it fades cuz right now i feel like im just going thru the motions of life and not really living. While i picture my H out having the time of his life-no resposibilities-sex with multiple ppl-drugs an alcohol are involvd as well- and here i am raising our 4 kids alone.
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## El Burro Buenmozo (Jul 9, 2012)

*Mama2five-* Hang in there. Keep your focus on you and your kids, not all the free-wheeling fun your ex is having. Be sure to protect yourself, seek child support and live YOUR life. Good luck to you!


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I sure hope it fades cuz right now i feel like im just going thru the motions of life and not really living. While i picture my H out having the time of his life-no resposibilities-sex with multiple ppl-drugs an alcohol are involvd as well- and here i am raising our 4 kids alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too.
I am going to be home tonight when he is out playing poker.
One would think he would want to spend the holiday with his family , guess I was wrong ... It hurts!
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I will be home with my kids tonight too. I dont do the whole party thing. Only God knows what my H will be doing.
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## devastated3343 (May 16, 2012)

confused777 said:


> ^ Will we catch up though? Will we detach? Or is it just something people say? Or something we have to accept/ settle for because we have no choice in the matter?


I know EXACTLY what you mean. Everyone, everyone told me/tells me 'it gets better'. This is undoubtedly true, it does get better, but no one can promise you the magical happy ending. We all desperately want to believe that better things are coming, but when left alone with your situation it's incredibly hard to imagine. 

I've heard and read that good people find each other, and remarkably if you're in a good place and take care of yourself that it will 'just happen'. I choose to believe it, as much as I can, even though in my darker moments I struggle to believe I'll ever find someone who will accept me, love me, and let me love them back. 

I've also heard, over and over, that once your situation improves you look back and can't believe how awful it was, and how easy it was to lose faith. A friend of a friend of mine had his wife walk out on him, he was devastated, it took him a year and a half before he was ready to date. He went on three dates and met the girl of his dreams. They were married last year, and he's happier than ever. Could that happen for you? For me? I choose to believe so, that the best is yet to come. But it's hard sometimes.


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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

devastated3343 said:


> I know EXACTLY what you mean. Everyone, everyone told me/tells me 'it gets better'. This is undoubtedly true, it does get better, but no one can promise you the magical happy ending. We all desperately want to believe that better things are coming, but when left alone with your situation it's incredibly hard to imagine.
> 
> I've heard and read that good people find each other, and remarkably if you're in a good place and take care of yourself that it will 'just happen'. I choose to believe it, as much as I can, even though in my darker moments I struggle to believe I'll ever find someone who will accept me, love me, and let me love them back.
> 
> I've also heard, over and over, that once your situation improves you look back and can't believe how awful it was, and how easy it was to lose faith. A friend of a friend of mine had his wife walk out on him, he was devastated, it took him a year and a half before he was ready to date. He went on three dates and met the girl of his dreams. They were married last year, and he's happier than ever. Could that happen for you? For me? I choose to believe so, that the best is yet to come. But it's hard sometimes.


What a great attitude! I have not got to that point yet. We are still talking about our situation and how we are going to handle things. One thing for sure is that she wants out and that is devastating to me. Each day that passes I come to realize the situation and have been coming to terms with things. I guess there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it is very dim right now. We all need to keep our heads up and keep moving forward.
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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

I am finally at the point that I am done with this marriage. It happened a couple of weeks ago. I have checked out and I am looking forward to a new life. One that doesn't involve lies and disrespect. Time to get off the roller coaster.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

confusedat42 said:


> I am finally at the point that I am done with this marriage. It happened a couple of weeks ago. I have checked out and I am looking forward to a new life. One that doesn't involve lies and disrespect. Time to get off the roller coaster.


Congratulations 
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