# Types of physical attraction



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Curious 🤔

I found that I seem to have two types of physical attraction, one that gives me butterflies, and another that errr... revs the motor so to speak.

The former comes from facial features, eyes, smile, voice, hair etc etc... but the latter comes from non facial features, like legs. Is this the same for everyone?

With your partner do you have both in equal amounts, are you attracted in one way more than the other? Or simply just one that overrides the other?

Can personality or mental chemistry alone override any of these or is physical attraction separate? I found it separate 🤔\

-------------------------------

UPDATE:














What is the Split Attraction Model?


According to the split attraction model, how someone experiences attraction can be split into categories. For some people romantic and sexual attraction




www.e-counseling.com





I'm not alone!!!
It seems the asexual folk came up with this, but I'm very sexual (and hetero), just romantic/sexual attraction dont always come together and OMG I'm not alone!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Really? I'm the only person with split types of attraction? 😖


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I think the bit I share with you are the 2 feelings - the nervousness that comes with liking someone (butterflies) versus physical attraction (I want to get this person to a bed pronto). For me the first can come from liking something about the person such as their passion when they speak about something they know, or help me with something. The second is much more visual/physical. The one can influence the other though - I don't really feel as much physical attraction with someone if we aren't mentally connected in some way (though I might admire their various physical attributes  ) It sounds like for you the first is a mixture of physical attraction and nervousness?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Curious 🤔
> 
> I found that I seem to have two types of physical attraction, one that gives me butterflies, and another that errr... revs the motor so to speak.
> 
> ...


I look at the whole person first, and not just how they look but how they walk and carry themselves. I like to see confidence and attitude and non-conventional style.

Then I have certain things as far as features and hair that I will like. But no it's not two separate things.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I have a physical type and certain characteristics that I find very attractive. But if I know the guy is not a good person, none of that matters.


----------



## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

I can find a man physically attractive in an instantaneous "oh yeah, he's hot" kind of way but I would never have the urge to jump his bones without finding out what was between his ears. So I guess my difference lies in mere visual appreciation vs lust. The latter requires some knowledge of character/personality.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

A functional vagina is all it takes. 🤪


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Really? I'm the only person with split types of attraction? 😖


Yup! 😆 
I either want someone or not. There's no levels, though it may fluctuate with time as I get to know a man better. Is that what you're trying to say??

E.g. bf and I are still hot stuff and it keeps getting better with time, despite hardships on both our ends. Why? Because he's turned out to be a really decent guy. Sure there's stuff I don't like, and the reverse is certainly true, but the overall dynamic has been good enough to keep them fires burning. 

I don't really have a physical type, but I will do a double take of a guy with nice legs and butt. 😁


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> A functional vagina is all it takes. 🤪


🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> A functional vagina is all it takes. 🤪


Standards are important. 😂😂😂😂


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

joannacroc said:


> I think the bit I share with you are the 2 feelings - the nervousness that comes with liking someone (butterflies) versus physical attraction (I want to get this person to a bed pronto). For me the first can come from liking something about the person such as their passion when they speak about something they know, or help me with something. The second is much more visual/physical. The one can influence the other though - I don't really feel as much physical attraction with someone if we aren't mentally connected in some way (though I might admire their various physical attributes  ) It sounds like for you the first is a mixture of physical attraction and nervousness?


For me I find the mental connection vital too but need more than that if it's going to be more than friends.

Butterflies for me is not nervousness, I can get butterflies just lying in bed staring into her eyes. But it's a different feeling of warmth and joy compared to the revving of the southern motor.

I just find it odd that what is beautiful to me does not necessarily mean sexy to me. Beautiful as I can stare and admire, but it doesn't come with raw desire, and sexy as in I'm not enraptured, but still turned on as hell.

When I get both it's a winner, but most of the time I seem to have focused on the beauty first, letting the sexiness come later... which doesn't always come 😑 I seem to be alone in this though.

Still trying to understand myself


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Corgi Mum said:


> I can find a man physically attractive in an instantaneous "oh yeah, he's hot" kind of way but I would never have the urge to jump his bones without finding out what was between his ears. So I guess my difference lies in mere visual appreciation vs lust. The latter requires some knowledge of character/personality.


Hmmm, for me lust is driven by flirtation, suggestiveness and triggers.

Character and personality plays a part in driving it, but the hands need to wield the right tools as well so to speak.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I look at the whole person first, and not just how they look but how they walk and carry themselves. I like to see confidence and attitude and non-conventional style.
> 
> Then I have certain things as far as features and hair that I will like. But no it's not two separate things.





TXTrini said:


> Yup! 😆
> I either want someone or not. There's no levels, though it may fluctuate with time as I get to know a man better. Is that what you're trying to say??
> 
> E.g. bf and I are still hot stuff and it keeps getting better with time, despite hardships on both our ends. Why? Because he's turned out to be a really decent guy. Sure there's stuff I don't like, and the reverse is certainly true, but the overall dynamic has been good enough to keep them fires burning.
> ...


Thats the thing, I found the women I had the most butterflies for, I didn't necessarily desire the most sexually. This includes ex partners, and I am wondering why.

I think something is broken somewhere. 🤨


----------



## elliblue (7 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Thats the thing, I found the women I had the most butterflies for, I didn't necessarily desire the most sexually. This includes ex partners, and I am wondering why.
> 
> I think something is broken somewhere. 🤨


Porn demage...
First of all, men are not as picky as women. Genetic make up isn't important for a man to be willing to have sex with a woman and to reproduce.
But for women it is, as they risk their live and health during reproduction/pregnancy. Therefore they have to look closer and be more picky.

Studies show that men for example do not care how women smell, when choosing a partner, but women do. If a man doesn't smell right, women will reject a guy. 

you see here a lot of answers from women. All tell you they need more information about the guy in order to develope real sexual desire.
Yes, because they are women.

That is why women don't pay for sex with random guys or aren't obsessed with pornography and watching random nacked men.
If a guy has a good body, but something is off with him in the eyes of a woman, she won't want him anymore.

Now let's talk about your second problem. You don't find women you were with or that gave you butterflies as sexy as you wish.

This is most likely the result of pornography and generally men being constantly bombarded with sexualised images and overly sexualy stereotyped types of women nowadays.
From early childhood on, males get to see nacked or barely dressed women. And now we have the internet and porn is available 24/7. 
In the past men were happy and excited if they got a chance to see a nacked women.
Now due to porn the threshold is much higher. Men get less sensitive to normal or more natural features of average women. 
Many men need more extremes to get sexually aroused.

... You can read the rest in any study about the negetaive effects of pornography on men and their sexuality.

But it might explain, why your romantic interessts don't corrolate with your sexual desires.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

elliblue said:


> Porn demage...
> First of all, men are not as picky as women. Genetic make up isn't important for a man to be willing to have sex with a woman and to reproduce.
> But for women it is, as they risk their live and health during reproduction/pregnancy. Therefore they have to look closer and be more picky.
> 
> ...


Porn could cause it I guess, but I don't believe it's the case with me.

I find myself infatuated by beautiful women with the pretty eyes and big smile who can make me laugh and bounce off me in conversation, yet I am seduced by the women with the sexy long legs whispering sweet nothings, flirting and creating sexual tension.

Most of the time, I don't get both in one package! 😑 Or when I do, it's temporary, the package splits when we get out of shape / get too comfortable and lazy, and I find lust becoming a discipline to perform my duties as a lover rather than a pleasure for me to enjoy with my partner.

Now considering it seems I am rather unique in my sexual retardation, I have no idea how to fix that or if I even can.
Hmmm


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Porn could cause it I guess, but I don't believe it's the case with me.
> 
> I find myself infatuated by beautiful women with the pretty eyes and big smile who can make me laugh and bounce off me in conversation, yet I am seduced by the women with the sexy long legs whispering sweet nothings, flirting and creating sexual tension.
> 
> ...


If I have missed it, forgive me, but have you seen an individual therapist before? What was their take?


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think this time you’re onto something RD.

If there was a lady who had what I considered to be a perfect body based on my liking and a nice face but a terrible voice (Hillary Clinton) she’s a 2/10 at best.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You seem to break people down into lots of little pieces. And then perseverate on the little pieces 

Personality type INTJ or whatever 
Love language 
Mentality 
Height
Long legs
Butterflies from face
Sexual motor from other aspects 

Haven't you ever just fallen in love with someone for _who they are as a whole package_ without analyzing and picking apart to death these separate things? 

The love of your life could be a cute 5'2 intelligent, interesting woman with a good heart, excellent morals, on fire for you sexually and you pass her by because you are focussed on analyzing to shreds discrete traits of long legged women and stressing about their personality type and "love language". How about just living and experiencing how someone acts in a relationship _with you_?

No one is going to meet all of your criteria. Why don't you try beginning from different criteria for awhile? Like an intelligent pretty woman with a warm heart, with minimal ****ed up traits, who is sexually into you.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Livvie said:


> You seem to break people down into lots of little pieces. And then perseverate on the little pieces
> 
> Personality type INTJ or whatever
> Love language
> ...


A frickn men. You choose the type you are into but it hasn’t worked. And not sorry marrying an 18 year old at 30 something? Because she’s mature? She could barely consent.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

PS standing up isn’t the only way to have sex. Just saying🙃


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> You seem to break people down into lots of little pieces. And then perseverate on the little pieces
> 
> Personality type INTJ or whatever
> Love language
> ...


Yes, my ex. I fell in love, but I was so blinded by our chemistry I ignored alot of aspects of compatibility. My other exs also set the standard and bar higher and higher.

I actually don't care about personality type, just interesting if someone identifies as one. Helps with analysis with many answers given on a Google search lol.

Love languages and compatibility are important due to last ex, I learnt what I can give naturally and what takes effort for me to give. This is irrelevant of her demands.

Mentality is important because I like my partner to be able to be on the same wavelength in conversation. Otherwise I will feel drained/bored with her company. Ex set the standard with that, she could talk all day I would never tire.

Height and long legs important because my ex was slightly less, and it did cause problems I didn't have with other exs, namely my first girlfriend at 16 who was 5'10 or ex-wife at 5'9. I loved my ex despite being shorter so it didn't matter as much to me, but it did matter to her because the sex was simply wilder with my past exs who were close to my height.

When we both put on weight, she was also the type where the fat went straight to her legs too and I also found myself lusting over slimmer longer legs I had to discipline myself to focus on her and I did but this is what I mean with attraction being split. I'm also dealing with professional women in my line of work sporting stockings and heels on a daily basis it's very concerning when I end up comparing my ex. I hate myself for this.

Especially when she was absolutely beautiful and universally so, yet even I couldn't appreciate her. I still remember a conversation we had about this and when I was honest with my type and when she realised she wasn't mine I had nothing I could say but to reassure her that my love for her hasn't changed... but in my heart I knew my other brain has desires of its own. She knew it too 😔


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think this time you’re onto something RD.
> 
> If there was a lady who had what I considered to be a perfect body based on my liking and a nice face but a terrible voice (Hillary Clinton) she’s a 2/10 at best.


I noticed this dysfunction when dating someone utterly beautiful but not as sexy and someone who wasn't as beautiful yet a lot sexier recently. 

They stimulated different parts of me lol but sadly not at the same time.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Thats the thing, I found the women I had the most butterflies for, I didn't necessarily desire the most sexually. This includes ex partners, and I am wondering why.
> 
> I think something is broken somewhere. 🤨


You may have some sort of different sexual orientation or whatever. Why not get into therapy and find out. There does seem to be a disconnect. It's like you have to have the planets lined up just so to make any move forward. It could have something to do with a certain type of sexuality or it could even have something to do with something like mild ADD or ADHD or a disorder like OCD. If I were you, I'd want to go in and get tested and find out.

Since you seem fully functional, it might just be something mild that you could work on.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Livvie 

I do wish it's easier bc height is seriously the major option limiter right now for me, like, I cut out 90% of women straight away by having a 5'7+ height requirement, cut even more with race/religion and that's how I can exhaust the likes of Hinge within a month 😆


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You may have some sort of different sexual orientation or whatever. Why not get into therapy and find out. There does seem to be a disconnect. It's like you have to have the planets lined up just so to make any move forward. It could have something to do with a certain type of sexuality or it could even have something to do with something like mild ADD or ADHD or a disorder like OCD. If I were you, I'd want to go in and get tested and find out.
> 
> Since you seem fully functional, it might just be something mild that you could work on.


And all this time I assumed everyone else was like me! 😔


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

The height requirement is odd I think. It’s typical for women, and if you look at heights over time we have been getting taller (men and women) for the last couple centuries until now where it seems to be leveling off. Maybe selection?

I am tall (greater than 2 standard deviations) for a North American man and I’d say for women in the normal range of heights no problem. I remember from another thread you said it has something to do with sexual positions but I am over a foot taller than my wife and stiff as a board and somehow manage fine


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> The height requirement is odd I think. It’s typical for women, and if you look at heights over time we have been getting taller (men and women) for the last couple centuries until now where it seems to be leveling off. Maybe selection?
> 
> I am tall (greater than 2 standard deviations) for a North American man and I’d say for women in the normal range of heights no problem. I remember from another thread you said it has something to do with sexual positions but I am over a foot taller than my wife and stiff as a board and somehow manage fine


Could be just my first ex who was a sexy redhead at 5'10 who laid the foundation for my sex life 🤔 I was 16 she was 17

I dont know, it's weird it seems and I seem to be rare, so short ladies have nothing to worry about! They are in high demand! But I'm just one of those guys who likes tall women 😔

Yes there are ways to make it work but it's just not the same or intimate or easy to align in fitting rooms without making too much noise... ex complained we didn't do it there either... or in the car, though car is just not that nice.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Wow so she was very tall then. Right now average is 5’4” with 2.2” standard deviation, so she was over two sigma.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Could be just my first ex who was a sexy redhead at 5'10 who laid the foundation for my sex life 🤔 I was 16 she was 17
> 
> I dont know, it's weird it seems and I seem to be rare, so short ladies have nothing to worry about! They are in high demand! But I'm just one of those guys who likes tall women 😔
> 
> Yes there are ways to make it work but it's just not the same or intimate or easy to align in fitting rooms without making too much noise... ex complained we didn't do it there either... or in the car, though car is just not that nice.


Fitting rooms???


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> Wow so she was very tall then. Right now average is 5’4” with 2.2” standard deviation, so she was over two sigma.


Yes she was, they were. Yet I had the most sexual chemistry with first gf and ex wife, and I hate to admit that because at the same time I loved my ex fiancee the most.

Note: first gf and ex wife are taller than me in heels, it's like... my thing 😔


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Fitting rooms???


Yes when everything aligns so easily you can do it anywhere, anytime, with very little workout.

... 😊


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

What do do to b by at women wear heals and nylons all day and are 5’7+? Are they strippers?


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Yes when everything aligns so easily you can do it anywhere, anytime, with very little workout.
> 
> ... 😊


But the lighting in fitting rooms is just terrible.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

snowbum said:


> What do do to b by at women wear heals and nylons all day and are 5’7+? Are they strippers?


I'm not THAT privileged 🤣


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> But the lighting in fitting rooms is just terrible.


We don't do it there bc the lighting is nice.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> We don't do it there bc the lighting is nice.


It’s very unflattering. I can’t imagine. But hey, bless your heart.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s very unflattering. I can’t imagine. But hey, bless your heart.


Not unflattering at all 😊

Wish I can post an example, but forum rules lol


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Not unflattering at all 😊
> 
> Wish I can post an example, but forum rules lol


Yikes, they let you take pics? I guess if they’re doing some dude in the fitting room… 😉😂😂😂😂


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yikes, they let you take pics? I guess if they’re doing some dude in the fitting room… 😉😂😂😂😂


Huh? Lol I wasn't going to post our photos 😅 

What's great about fitting rooms is that they come with a 🪞 mirror you know... 😊


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Anyway I dunno, I just dunno if anyone can ever meet my criteria anymore and is it really wise to just try and play it by blind stupid love again?

I'm not sure I can just fall in blind stupid love anymore... I think with last ex part of the reason was because I made a commitment of vulnerability as she fell hard for me and I felt responsible due to her young age to show her what love was like, taught myself in the process too, what it was like to be in love.

Otherwise I've always been one to love but never be in love. But being in love is so silly too! Without criteria you end up with problems so I dunno 😑


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Huh? Lol I wasn't going to post our photos 😅
> 
> What's great about fitting rooms is that they come with a 🪞 mirror you know... 😊


I’m just teasing you.

I can’t do that type of thing because I can’t be quiet. It’s a problem.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Problems are part of life. Perfection is unattainable. If you can’t form attachment or be vulnerable maybe sex workers would meet your needs. Pick the height etc


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I’m just teasing you.
> 
> I can’t do that type of thing because I can’t be quiet. It’s a problem.


Busy shopping centres the best, quiet ones staff will make it awkward 😅

Keeping it quiet is the challenge and fun of it lol

I do kinda feel guilty that I did things with my exs that I didn't do with the ex I actually really loved. 

It's like a guy whose wife did anal with a bunch of random guys yet won't do it with her husband you know.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Dude... sounds like a bunch of kinks and fetishes rolled up. At least you screen ahead of time, so women are spared liking you before you eliminate them.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TXTrini said:


> Dude... sounds like a bunch of kinks and fetishes rolled up. At least you screen ahead of time, so women are spared liking you before you eliminate them.


Of course, I would be quite annoyed if I went on a date and a woman tells me last minute she can't date anyone shorter than 6ft 🤣

Actually... I think I would get mad 😤
Like... my height is right fking there.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You may have some sort of different sexual orientation or whatever. Why not get into therapy and find out. There does seem to be a disconnect. It's like you have to have the planets lined up just so to make any move forward. It could have something to do with a certain type of sexuality or it could even have something to do with something like mild ADD or ADHD or a disorder like OCD. If I were you, I'd want to go in and get tested and find out.
> 
> Since you seem fully functional, it might just be something mild that you could work on.


Also, you know the threads where the guy comes in and complains that he is no longer attracted to his wife sexually when she puts on weight?

I mean... come to think of now I can't be the only one with split attraction. Or maybe people are hiding 😑 so I can take all the punches and they can read the feedback in secret.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Yes when everything aligns so easily you can do it anywhere, anytime, with very little workout.
> 
> ... 😊


Think about it. You don't really need to be the same height. You just need your inseam measurement of your legs to be the same so your crotches line up. Lots of slightly shorter women may have long legs but not such a long upper body -- same with men.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

This may be TMI, but I’ve always been into big men, taller and muscular. If the man is strong enough to lift you up, not only does everything align but it’s hot when a man is that strong. It makes me feel very feminine when a man is really strong. Which is good because I’m a short one. 5’4”.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Think about it. You don't really need to be the same height. You just need your inseam measurement of your legs to be the same so your crotches line up. Lots of slightly shorter women may have long legs but not such a long upper body -- same with men.


Yes LBR (leg-body-ratio) helps, I got catfished a few times though with those, damn photography tricks. 

Also why I have a 4 inch leeway from my height at 5'11, 5'7-6'3.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> This may be TMI, but I’ve always been into big men, taller and muscular. If the man is strong enough to lift you up, not only does everything align but it’s hot when a man is that strong. It makes me feel very feminine when a man is really strong. Which is good because I’m a short one. 5’4”.


I'm not a big dude, which is also why it was difficult with my ex when we both got chubby. It's something I've been working on too, I feel guilty about that as well.

The woman I loved dearly did not get the best of me. My other exs did... 






I am looking alot better than I did while in a relationship, just sad really. If I love again, I want to love better.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Think about it. You don't really need to be the same height. You just need your inseam measurement of your legs to be the same so your crotches line up. Lots of slightly shorter women may have long legs but not such a long upper body -- same with men.


Or just squat, that’s what I do in the shower standing.



TexasMom1216 said:


> This may be TMI, but I’ve always been into big men, taller and muscular. If the man is strong enough to lift you up, not only does everything align but it’s hot when a man is that strong. It makes me feel very feminine when a man is really strong. Which is good because I’m a short one. 5’4”.


My wife is the same height and she also enjoys feats of strength. I have a theory that if you’re a big dude and you go up to the pull up bar and crank some out it is literally sexual crack for women. I have a pull up bar in the backyard and when my wife is out there I always do a few so she knows what’s up.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife is the same height and she also enjoys feats of strength.* I have a theory that if you’re a big dude and you go up to the pull up bar and crank some out it is literally sexual crack for women.* I have a pull up bar in the backyard and when my wife is out there I always do a few so she knows what’s up.


It’s different for all women, but indeed for some of us it is in fact sexual crack.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife is the same height and she also enjoys feats of strength. I have a theory that if you’re a big dude and you go up to the pull up bar and crank some out it is literally sexual crack for women. I have a pull up bar in the backyard and when my wife is out there I always do a few so she knows what’s up.


Veins is sexual crack for women. I feel sexy with them too thanks to the compliments from dating, it's encouraging me to keep working out.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Veins is sexual crack for women. I feel sexy with them too thanks to the compliments from dating, it's encouraging me to keep working out.


Also depends on where the veins are located. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Also depends on where the veins are located. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


 hahahahhaa


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Also depends on where the veins are located. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


I got ‘em on my arms, my legs (thanks boxing), and my… well…. I don’t think those do anything for anyone.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> I got ‘em on my arms, my legs (thanks boxing), and my… well…. I don’t think those do anything for anyone.


Ribbed for her pleasure


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Veins is sexual crack for women. I feel sexy with them too thanks to the compliments from dating, it's encouraging me to keep working out.


Who told you that? I like fit dudes but veins are creepy😝


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Veins is sexual crack for women. I feel sexy with them too thanks to the compliments from dating, it's encouraging me to keep working out.


Um no. Well I can’t speak for all women but… not so much.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

snowbum said:


> Who told you that? I like fit dudes but veins are creepy😝


I think it’s good on your arms. On my jab arm (left arm) I have one that sticks out on my bicep. It’s good because that arm = hospital. That’s the first one you see. Right arm = cemetery. That’s the one you don’t see where you get dropped!


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think it’s good on your arms. On my jab arm (left arm) I have one that sticks out on my bicep. It’s good because that arm = hospital. That’s the first one you see. Right arm = cemetery. That’s the one you don’t see where you get dropped!


Cro Cop was my favorite MMA fighter but he was talking about his leg kicks


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

snowbum said:


> Who told you that? I like fit dudes but veins are creepy😝





TexasMom1216 said:


> Um no. Well I can’t speak for all women but… not so much.


Hahaha, see? Preferences run deep  

We all have our tastes. But you know what? _*I*_ feel sexy having them, that's what is important


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Cro Cop was my favorite MMA fighter but he was talking about his leg kicks


Hahha that’s where I got it from. BTW I have never met a professional fighter who doesn’t like, “left hand, hospital; right hand cemetery”. 100% they love it. I’m going to the gym now but for a 🎉 party should be fun hopefully no fighting.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Of course, I would be quite annoyed if I went on a date and a woman tells me last minute she can't date anyone shorter than 6ft 🤣
> 
> Actually... I think I would get mad 😤
> Like... my height is right fking there.


I didn't even have a height requirement on my profile. I'm 5ft2, most men are taller than me. My bf is 5ft10 and it's perfect, don't even have to tiptoe to kiss or "other stuff". I am fairly shortwaisted though with longer legs for a shorty.

My exs were all over 6ft, but that was pure coincidence. I like em stocky and a little scruffy 😆, NOT metro. No gingers... Guess I do have a type 🤔.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Hahaha, see? Preferences run deep
> 
> We all have our tastes. But you know what? _*I*_ feel sexy having them, that's what is important


That’s right. Confidence is also sexy.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TXTrini said:


> I didn't even have a height requirement on my profile. I'm 5ft2, most men are taller than me. My bf is 5ft10 and it's perfect, don't even have to tiptoe to kiss or "other stuff". I am fairly shortwaisted though with longer legs for a shorty.
> 
> My exs were all over 6ft, but that was pure coincidence. I like em stocky and a little scruffy 😆, NOT metro. No gingers... Guess I do have a type 🤔.


You're lucky not to have one. Height requirement at 5'7+ is a 90% reduction in options, yet I do it anyway  

Because I like going deep sea diving for unicorn jellyfish 🤦‍♂️ and I can't seem to help it at this point. Am I too broken now?


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> You're lucky not to have one. Height requirement at 5'7+ is a 90% reduction in options, yet I do it anyway
> 
> Because I like going deep sea diving for unicorn jellyfish 🤦‍♂️ and I can't seem to help it at this point. Am I too broken now?


Well I'm picky with nonphysical stuff, I like a particular combination of characteristics, so I get it. Easiest thing to be flexible with for me is physical appearance.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TXTrini said:


> Well I'm picky with nonphysical stuff, I like a particular combination of characteristics, so I get it. Easiest thing to be flexible with for me is physical appearance.


I'm not flexible with those either


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I think your focus on appearance and overthinking is incompatible with a healthy relationship. By your own admission you pick deeply flawed women. I don’t think you’d know how to handle a healthy relationship


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

snowbum said:


> I think your focus on appearance and overthinking is incompatible with a healthy relationship. *By your own admission you pick deeply flawed women.* I don’t think you’d know how to handle a healthy relationship


Since when? They were all the very best of women, even my ex. I have been unkind, she may have been crazy with certain needs but she loved me like no other and she does deserve a man that is good enough for her.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> You're lucky not to have one. Height requirement at 5'7+ is a 90% reduction in options, yet I do it anyway
> 
> Because I like going deep sea diving for unicorn jellyfish 🤦‍♂️ and I can't seem to help it at this point. Am I too broken now?


The height requirement of 5'7 is almost like self sabotage. That's many inches taller than the average female in your country. 

I think its hard enough to find a wonderful partner who also thinks you are wonderful. To tack on they have to be 5'7 or taller almost makes it sound like you aren't truly serious about finding a partner.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

@RandomDude you get a lot of hate on here but you're entitled to your preferences. One thing I will note though, if you have all these preferences and you can't ever seem to snag a girl that meets your requirements, you might wanna sit and think about those preferences.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> I'm not flexible with those either


Sucks to be you then 😆


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

If you’re ok being alone and you’re not looking to have more kids, there’s no rush and no need to settle. Do what you want.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I have specific things I look for. I don't feel that that is a bad thing.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> A functional vagina is all it takes. 🤪


Be careful what you wish for 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TXTrini said:


> I didn't even have a height requirement on my profile. I'm 5ft2, most men are taller than me. My bf is 5ft10 and it's perfect, don't even have to tiptoe to kiss or "other stuff". I am fairly shortwaisted though with longer legs for a shorty.
> 
> My exs were all over 6ft, but that was pure coincidence. I like em stocky and a little scruffy 😆, NOT metro. No gingers... Guess I do have a type 🤔.


I'm a bit under 5'4. Ex was 6'0 and currently bf is 6'3; I didn't have that as a requirement...we just clicked.

A 6'2 friend of mine who's currently in the market told me he likes petite women.

The tall ones seem to like us littles 😅


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Standards are fine. But when you have height, weight, religion, personality. Animal preference, love lang, finding someone of that caliber is going to be tough. 

If you thought your ex’s were amazing, why were you mean to them?


----------



## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Think about it. You don't really need to be the same height. You just need your inseam measurement of your legs to be the same so your crotches line up. Lots of slightly shorter women may have long legs but not such a long upper body -- same with men.


I was thinking about this on an earlier page because I was kind of puzzled. I'm tall with (disproportionately) long legs and I've never aligned well enough with any guy for standing sex to be possible.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

snowbum said:


> Standards are fine. But when you have height, weight, religion, personality. Animal preference, love lang, finding someone of that caliber is going to be tough.
> 
> If you thought your ex’s were amazing, why were you mean to them?


Because we are not perfect.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm a bit under 5'4. Ex was 6'0 and currently bf is 6'3; I didn't have that as a requirement...we just clicked.
> 
> A 6'2 friend of mine who's currently in the market told me he likes petite women.
> 
> The tall ones seem to like us littles 😅


Most men prefer you littles I think. Just like most ladies prefer taller guys. I think that's why you see so many of those tall guy/short woman couples.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> @RandomDude you get a lot of hate on here but you're entitled to your preferences. One thing I will note though, if you have all these preferences and you can't ever seem to snag a girl that meets your requirements, you might wanna sit and think about those preferences.


I've always met better and better, but I'm 36 now, nearing the twilight of my prime apparently.

With last ex I just didn't love her the best I could and I feel awful about it. I simply relied on another way for her to turn me on when she wanted to feel desired a certain way that I couldn't.

She didn't turn me on that way.

So why would I want a repeat of that? You know?


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You make things way too hard.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I’m pretty sure for men 36 is the early afternoon of your prime. Or maybe even the “brunch” of your prime. Go easier on yourself. ❤


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If you’re ok being alone and you’re not looking to have more kids, there’s no rush and no need to settle. Do what you want.


Thats the thing too, I wonder if I should also make sure they want no kids of their own. 

Can I make another 20 year sacrifice for the right woman? If not, that's another slasher of my odds.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I’m pretty sure for men 36 is the early afternoon of your prime. Or maybe even the “brunch” of your prime. Go easier on yourself. ❤


So I should keep being picky? 😊


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> So I should keep being picky? 😊


You should make an informed choice about what to do. Having all these specific requirements is not only a needle in a haystack, you’re going to have to find a woman who won’t be turned off by it. But if you won’t be happy with someone who doesn’t tick off all the boxes, then you’ll be unhappy, she’ll be unhappy…. You just have to decide if you want your preferences to be guidelines or requirements.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I wonder if this is a solution for me


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I wonder if this is a solution for me
> View attachment 87932


What does that even mean?


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I've always met better and better, but I'm 36 now, nearing the twilight of my prime apparently.
> 
> With last ex I just didn't love her the best I could and I feel awful about it. I simply relied on another way for her to turn me on when she wanted to feel desired a certain way that I couldn't.
> 
> ...


As a 43 year old guy, I do think mid 30's is probably a man's all around prime when it comes to dating. You should be mature enough at that age, have built a life for yourself, should still look decent, etc. In my mid 30's I had to fight off 19-21 year old women. Not so much now at 43 lol. 

Speaking from experience here, I don't think it's worth dating someone you are not physically attracted to. It's just not.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> What does that even mean?


Means if im legless, I wouldn't have such a problem lol nvm I was being silly 😑



Enigma32 said:


> As a 43 year old guy, I do think mid 30's is probably a man's all around prime when it comes to dating. You should be mature enough at that age, have built a life for yourself, should still look decent, etc. In my mid 30's I had to fight off 19-21 year old women. Not so much now at 43 lol.
> 
> Speaking from experience here, I don't think it's worth dating someone you are not physically attracted to. It's just not.


Well, aren't I approaching the twilight of my prime then? Your only 7 years older than me 😌

Years are going faster the more I age.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Well, aren't I approaching the twilight of my prime then? Your only 7 years older than me 😌
> 
> Years are going faster the more I age.


I still do ok. My profile picture on FB is my GF and I together and some girl still tried hitting on me in the comments on another friend's page. She wasn't beautiful but neither am I.

There is a reason years go by faster as we age. I was curious about it so I looked into it. Basically, if you are 10 years old, 1 year is 1/10th of your life, so you view the passage of time with that perspective. When you are 40, 1 year is only 1/40th of your life, so you view it accordingly. Time will just keep going by faster.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> I still do ok. My profile picture on FB is my GF and I together and some girl still tried hitting on me in the comments on another friend's page. She wasn't beautiful but neither am I.
> 
> There is a reason years go by faster as we age. I was curious about it so I looked into it. Basically, if you are 10 years old, 1 year is 1/10th of your life, so you view the passage of time with that perspective. When you are 40, 1 year is only 1/40th of your life, so you view it accordingly. Time will just keep going by faster.


Haha lets see if I'm still pulling the youngings at your age mate  

Then I guess I can boast lol


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Haha lets see if I'm still pulling the youngings at your age mate
> 
> Then I guess I can boast lol


I'm not anymore, but I stopped trying a couple years ago when I met my GF. Good luck brother!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Only time I ever fell in love was blind, stupid love. Like magic. Cupid never seemed real until he shot us in the ass.

Weirdest thing, came outta nowhere too.

Thats the other side of all this, that's how it happens. Yet blind stupid love is simply... irresponsible!


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I’ve fallen in love at first sight twice. Once, I was 12. We were in 6th grade. His eyes were the color of glacial ice and he spoke German and was a skater punk. I still remember when he came to my locker and asked me to be his girlfriend.

The second time I was 24 or so. He was around my age and married. He divorced like 6-8 months later and we went out a couple of times about a year later. He was such a wonderful guy and so beautiful, his wife cheated on him and left him for someone with more money. He was a doll and so sexy but bless his heart he was dumb.

The first time I saw my husband it was less like lightening and more like meeting someone you’ve known forever for the first time. It was like, oh, there you are.

Not related, but you are first person in decades who has called them puddy-toots.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I’ve fallen in love at first sight twice. Once, I was 12. We were in 6th grade. His eyes were the color of glacial ice and he spoke German and was a skater punk. I still remember when he came to my locker and asked me to be his girlfriend.
> 
> The second time I was 24 or so. He was around my age and married. He divorced like 6-8 months later and we went out a couple of times about a year later. He was such a wonderful guy and so beautiful, his wife cheated on him and left him for someone with more money. He was a doll and so sexy but bless his heart he was dumb.
> 
> The first time I saw my husband it was less like lightening and more like meeting someone you’ve known forever for the first time. It was like, oh, there you are.


I felt both with the same person, it was extremely intense. I was driven so mad emotionally I even had a go at everyone on this forum 😆



> Not related, but you are first person in decades who has called them puddy-toots.


Thats because I *adore* felines.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Thats because I *adore* felines.


We donated towels and blankets to the shelter and now I’m in love with a 12 year old male white and seal point living god named Fluffy. He had deep blue eyes and tufty paws and I am no longer allowed to go see the kitties when we drop off donations at the shelter.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> We donated towels and blankets to the shelter and now I’m in love with a 12 year old male white and seal point living god named Fluffy. He had deep blue eyes and tufty paws and I am no longer allowed to go see the kitties when we drop off donations at the shelter.


I'm thinking of heading to a cat cafe, yet I'm scared of falling in love with one too and taking them home before I'm ready. I still miss my floofy.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> I'm thinking of heading to a cat cafe, yet I'm scared of falling in love with one too and taking them home before I'm ready. I still miss my floofy.


My boys passed 10 years ago. I miss them so much. I want a cat, I do not want a litter box.


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Not a fat shaming thing, but I have always been attracted to women who were fit. They don’t have to be totally buffed out (even though I did date a female body builder), but someone who can for example do a five mile hike with no issues, she can carry her own weight and some.

Secondly, I am NOT attracted to crazy. I don’t care how hot she looks, if she is off the wall crazy, I am doing a 180.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> My boys passed 10 years ago. I miss them so much. I want a cat, I do not want a litter box.


One day for us both 😌

Anyway, must stick to topic. 
Blind stupid love vs overanalysis lol


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

It would seem there would have to be a middle ground.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ikaika said:


> Not a fat shaming thing, but I have always been attracted to women who were fit. They don’t have to be totally buffed out (even though I did date a female body builder), but someone who can for example do a five mile hike with no issues, she can carry her own weight and some.
> 
> Secondly, I am NOT attracted to crazy. I don’t care how hot she looks, if she is off the wall crazy, I am doing a 180.


They are sexy, inspired me really. Hence investing in myself too.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It would seem there would have to be a middle ground.


Cant, because I'm already operating with bare minimums...

But I didn't care when I fell in love. Can't have everything right?

Yet its the everything I need. A woman deserves to feel desired by the one she loves, mind, heart, body and soul.

I fked up.

Love was so powerful I thought it could do anything, later I found out it wasn't enough.

And hence the cycle continues, back to overanalysis...

Or blind, stupid, love...


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'M NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






😢


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Cant, because I'm already operating with bare minimums...
> 
> But I didn't care when I fell in love. Can't have everything right?
> 
> ...


By making 5'7 or 5'6 and long legs and Asian non negotiable, you are putting those traits ahead of anything else about a person. With a deeper look, it's truly leg length that is ahead of everything else about a person as you are choosing a partner. _Leg length is your number one priority_ and you won't contemplate anything else. You can try to word work around that, but it all boils down to that. 

I understand one needs to be attracted to their partner, but your situation is extreme. As a male poster here pointed out, he thinks you should get your testosterone checked because a healthy man should be able to be sexually attracted to at least a little more, wider range of traits in a woman. 

I have a few physical traits that are really nice, but if I learned that a partner essentially chose me for one of them, _and that without it I would have been a no go_, it would probably taint the relationship in a huge way to know his initial choice of me and attraction was SO EXTREMELY DEPENDENT upon that ONE physical thing.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> By making 5'7 or 5'6 and long legs and Asian non negotiable, you are putting those traits ahead of anything else about a person. With a deeper look, it's truly leg length that is ahead of everything else about a person as you are choosing a partner. _Leg length is your number one priority_ and you won't contemplate anything else. You can try to word work around that, but it all boils down to that.


Not number one priority, but *one of many* non negotiable priorities.



> I understand one needs to be attracted to their partner, but your situation is extreme. As a male poster here pointed out, he thinks you should get your testosterone checked because a healthy man should be able to be sexually attracted to at least a little more, wider range of traits in a woman.


Well, I don't need big boobs or big butt, heck she doesn't even need to be all that pretty, heck she can be taller than me. Just have a face that doesn't turn me off or is too plain - all of which is subject to the eyes of the beholder, she can be beautiful to someone else. Does she not deserve that person rather than me?

And if my testosterone is healthy - what then? Am I just to be cancelled because I'm an inconvenient anomaly in this world?

Some people can't even have sexual attraction until they are friends with people, others like d--ks, how come they are allowed to exist as demisexuals and homosexuals?

Flirtation, suggestions, teases, long legs, those are my sexual triggers. How come I'm not allowed to know this about myself and be allowed to exist?



> I have a few physical traits that are really nice, but if I learned that a partner essentially chose me for one of them, _and that without it I would have been a no go_, it would probably taint the relationship in a huge way to know his initial choice of me and attraction was SO EXTREMELY DEPENDENT upon that ONE physical thing.


Well, it wouldn't be, because as I mentioned, one of many non negotiable priorities.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Not number one priority, but *one of many* non negotiable priorities.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Who said you aren't allowed to exist? That seems an odd response.

I stand by my post, though. Long legs/height is what's choosing your life partner. That's what it boils down to.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> Who said you aren't allowed to exist? That seems an odd response.
> 
> I stand by my post, though. Long legs/height is what's choosing your life partner. That's what it boils down to.


I've dated how many long legged women by now, none of them has qualified to be my next life partner or vice versa.

If it was that simple I wouldn't be making so many threads about the all sorts of new speedhumps in my journey.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

As for not being allowed to exist. I'm tired now of all the hate of being apparently shallow and what not about my sexual preferences.

If I love someone that person deserves to have someone self-aware enough to know what turns him on so he won't waste her time doing duty sex when she can get much better sex from someone who actually finds her sexually attractive. 

Romantic love does NOT override sexual attraction for me, it does for many people, that's great. Good for you. Not for me. Everyone is different. Why the hate?


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> I've dated how many long legged women by now, none of them has qualified to be my next life partner or vice versa.
> 
> If it was that simple I wouldn't be making so many threads about the all sorts of new speedhumps in my journey.


Wait, so are you saying now that a potential partner doesn't need to be at least 5'6 and have long legs?

Is that's not what you are saying, you can try to wordsmith it all you want but essentially if they must have that trait or it's an absolute no go, then the height/long legs is still the basic foundational trait by which your life partner will be chosen.

If I will only date men who have naturally brown hair, no exceptions, ever, NEVER ever, then basically I am, at the heart of it all, letting natural hair color govern my choice of life partner. Sure other traits matter once in the pool of brown haired men but if I won't even consider anyone without brown hair, that one trait will determine my partner. 

Too bad if a man with blond hair would be my perfect match. I'd never know because I was so fixated on that one thing.

Additionally, your trait you must have is rare, average height for women generally, and especially Asian women, is inches below your requirement.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> As for not being allowed to exist. I'm tired now of all the hate of being apparently shallow and what not about my sexual preferences.
> 
> If I love someone that person deserves to have someone self-aware enough to know what turns him on so he won't waste her time doing duty sex when she can get much better sex from someone who actually finds her sexually attractive.
> 
> Romantic love does NOT override sexual attraction for me, it does for many people, that's great. Good for you. Not for me. Everyone is different. Why the hate?


Please stop labeling my comments as "hate".

An observation isn't "hate" so don't label it as such.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> Wait, so are you saying now that a potential partner doesn't need to be at least 5'6 and have long legs?
> 
> Is that's not what you are saying, you can try to wordsmith it all you want but essentially if they must have that trait or it's an absolute no go, then the height/long legs is still the basic foundational trait by which your life partner will be chosen.


I repeat:

_Not number one priority, but *one of many* non negotiable priorities._



> If I will only date men who have naturally brown hair, no exceptions, ever, NEVER ever, then basically I am, at the heart of it all, letting natural hair color govern my choice of life partner. Sure other traits matter once in the pool of brown haired men but if I won't even consider anyone without brown hair, that one trait will determine my partner.
> 
> Too bad if a man with blond hair would be my perfect match. I'd never know because I was so fixated on that one thing.


If you are only sexually attracted to someone with brown hair, and for any reason you can't be sexually attracted to blond hair. *I would respect your preferences.*

I would respect it the same way I respected ms busy bee in how she associated me to someone she knew - which hampered the possibility of a romantic and sexual attraction towards me. Is it shallow? No, is it her loss? I don't care, it's not personal, we are honest with each other and decided platonic friendship is best for us. Association is a real thing, and that's confirmed by another thread.



> Additionally, your trait you must have is rare, average height for women generally, and especially Asian women, is inches below your requirement.


Rarer? Sure.

Has it stopped me from finding matches? Many men find their online dating matches in single digits per month, I don't - DESPITE my parameters.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> Please stop labeling my comments as "hate".
> 
> An observation isn't "hate" so don't label it as such.


Yes, it's too strong a word for you personally, you have been very kind to me on this forum.

What word should I use however? All I've been accused of is being shallow for my preferences. What is that?


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Yes, it's too strong a word for you personally, you have been very kind to me on this forum.
> 
> What word should I use however? All I've been accused of is being shallow for my preferences. What is that?


I am not trying to point out that you are shallow. I guess I wanted to reduce the equation, in thinking your dating journey, so you could contemplate it and make sure it's the best way to proceed or only way you can proceed. I'd hate for your to miss out on someone really special, and, WHAT IF it turns out you could be attracted to that someone in a huge way despise not having that height?

Don't miss out on someone great.

And don't settle for mediocrity in other areas with the ones who meet your physical requirements.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> All I've been accused of is being shallow for my preferences. What is that?


I think part of the problem is that you're very open on here with a bunch of strangers who aren't invested in your life and who don't know you enough to care about you in a real, genuine sort of way.

If the relationship isn't reciprocal (or therapy), think twice about sharing your inner most thoughts.

If you choose to share anyway, because it's an anonymous forum, then you'll get what you get.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> I am not trying to point out that you are shallow. I guess I wanted to reduce the equation, in thinking your dating journey, so you could contemplate it and make sure it's the best way to proceed or only way you can proceed. I'd hate for your to miss out on someone really special, and, WHAT IF it turns out you could be attracted to that someone in a huge way despise not having that height?


I understand, and I have contemplated it. I can not. 

It's something I have felt intense and immense guilt about to this day because I could not change even for my ex who I loved deeply.
My ex was the most beautiful woman I've ever had, with lots of love to give (and expected sure, but she gave as good as she demanded) - I fell completely in love with her but it was not enough.

And now I am self-aware enough to admit it, also now empowered knowing I'm not alone in having split attraction. It's just me. I am sure, 100%.

I will not lead on a woman again like that. Just as a gay person should not be with a heterosexual female, they both deserve someone compatible.



> Don't miss out on someone great.
> And don't settle for mediocrity in other areas with the ones who meet your physical requirements.


I'm trying not to, I'm seeing what I can learn and adjust, for example, current date has tons more empathy than me and it irritates me, yet challenges me, she is financially entangled but also communal, she is also a domestic abuse victim who challenges me to understand and empathise with, because to tell you the truth, I do not respect her - and that may be wrong of me.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

minimalME said:


> I think part of the problem is that you're very open on here with a bunch of strangers who aren't invested in your life and who don't know you enough to care about you in a real, genuine sort of way.
> 
> If the relationship isn't reciprocal (or therapy), think twice about sharing your inner most thoughts.
> 
> If you choose to share anyway, because it's an anonymous forum, then you'll get what you get.


If they are invested in my life I do not want them to know anything about me in this manner. This is vulnerability best shared with complete strangers who have no angle to use against me.

Yes I get what I'll get, but it's worth it. 🤗
Doesn't mean I won't tired about it every now and then


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Dude, I personally am not hating on you, you seem to be a decent fellow... miles better than some I've seen on here. I thought you were looking for feedback to make changes to get what you want. However, I'll stop commenting, you do you.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TXTrini said:


> Dude, I personally am not hating on you, you seem to be a decent fellow... miles better than some I've seen on here. I thought you were looking for feedback to make changes to get what you want. However, I'll stop commenting, you do you.


I think I used the word hate too lightly. I didn't mean to offend anyone personally. Sorry @TXTrini and others.

I think I'm just frustrated because I've said repeatedly I can't change this, so it just felt like it's hating on my shallowness you know, when well... my shallowness with sexual attraction just can't be fixed. It's completely split and independent from romantic/sensual/platonic/aesthetic.

When I fell in love I thought with such attraction in all other 4 types I could easily be attracted to the last. I could not understand why not, now I understand it's just me.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> As for not being allowed to exist. I'm tired now of all the hate of being apparently shallow and what not about my sexual preferences.
> 
> If I love someone that person deserves to have someone self-aware enough to know what turns him on so he won't waste her time doing duty sex when she can get much better sex from someone who actually finds her sexually attractive.
> 
> Romantic love does NOT override sexual attraction for me, it does for many people, that's great. Good for you. Not for me. Everyone is different. Why the hate?


You have your preferences and nothing wrong with them or you. Some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes, some red heads. Some could be a boob guy or bum guy, you prefer legs, height and has nothing to do with your levels of testerone if you have no issues with sex. Testerone isn't going to make you fancy shorter women or women with short legs. I prefer tall guys with tattoes and I also like Long hair but like balds too lol. I'm 5foot 6 and dated lots of guys over 6 ft tallest being 6ft 6, shortest 5ft 4 lol. Wouldn't date a guy shorter than me again lol. An accent can also turn me on. I just love the Irish accent and dated 2 Irish guys. Dont let anyone get you down about your preferences. You know what you like and what you want. As for baby soft skin, nothing wrong with that either. I've been told I have baby soft skin and take it as a compliment. Hope you find your love and happiness. Ignore any comments putting you down.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> You have your preferences and nothing wrong with them or you. Some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes, some red heads. Some could be a boob guy or bum guy, you prefer legs, height and has nothing to do with your levels of testerone if you have no issues with sex. Testerone isn't going to make you fancy shorter women or women with short legs. I prefer tall guys with tattoes and I also like Long hair but like balds too lol. I'm 5foot 6 and dated lots of guys over 6 ft tallest being 6ft 6, shortest 5ft 4 lol. Wouldn't date a guy shorter than me again lol. An accent can also turn me on. I just love the Irish accent and dated 2 Irish guys. Dont let anyone get you down about your preferences. You know what you like and what you want. As for baby soft skin, nothing wrong with that either. I've been told I have baby soft skin and take it as a compliment. Hope you find your love and happiness. Ignore any comments putting you down.


Thanks

I know people just trying to help too, just gets frustrating bc I can't 'fix' this lol


----------



## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

I get it, I really do, because there are certain physical attributes that are guaranteed to kill any hint of sexual attraction for me. I've been in the dating game long enough to know they're things that are utterly immutable for me.

My friends used to try and coax me out of it, saying stuff like, "oh, you should just get to know him, he's so nice he'll grow on you". And there I'd be on date #3 spending the entire time silently praying _pleasedon'tkissmepleasedon'tkissmepleasedon'tkissme_ because the physical attraction I felt was exactly zero and I was going to end up hurting the guy's feelings.

I dunno. If your pool is made smaller by your specific preferences, you probably just have to cast a wider net and accept that it's going to come up empty more often than not.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Corgi Mum said:


> I get it, I really do, because there are certain physical attributes that are guaranteed to kill any hint of sexual attraction for me. I've been in the dating game long enough to know they're things that are utterly immutable for me.
> 
> My friends used to try and coax me out of it, saying stuff like, "oh, you should just get to know him, he's so nice he'll grow on you". And there I'd be on date #3 spending the entire time silently praying _pleasedon'tkissmepleasedon'tkissmepleasedon'tkissme_ because the physical attraction I felt was exactly zero and I was going to end up hurting the guy's feelings.


Aye, with ms busy bee it took a month and 5 dates and I had to pull the plug before she told me I reminded her someone who she couldn't stand 😑
If she didn't become a good friend of mine I would be rather pissed that she didn't swipe left!



> I dunno. If your pool is made smaller by your specific preferences, you probably just have to cast a wider net and accept that it's going to come up empty more often than not.


Yeah but I have a high match rate overall, so it helps, not the best looking, but what I have is...








I exhausted 2 apps, literally ran out of women within my parameters, on a 3rd app but tons on Bumble, just have to wait a tad longer for them to come.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> I think I used the word hate too lightly. I didn't mean to offend anyone personally. Sorry @TXTrini and others.
> 
> I think I'm just frustrated because I've said repeatedly I can't change this, so it just felt like it's hating on my shallowness you know, when well... my shallowness with sexual attraction just can't be fixed. It's completely split and independent from romantic/sensual/platonic/aesthetic.
> 
> When I fell in love I thought with such attraction in all other 4 types I could easily be attracted to the last. I could not understand why not, now I understand it's just me.


I'm not offended, but I certainly didn't mean to hurt you. The only reason people post is bc they do want you to find so e happiness. Of course sometimes the delivery sucks, but we've all been on the receiving end of that at some point.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TXTrini said:


> I'm not offended, but I certainly didn't mean to hurt you. The only reason people post is bc they do want you to find so e happiness. Of course sometimes the delivery sucks, but we've all been on the receiving end of that at some point.


I know, and you guys should know in the end I still love you all 🤗


----------

