# Am I Old Fashioned or...



## diogenes72 (Jan 10, 2016)

Am I just old fashioned or should I be concerned, at any level, my wife schedules appointments while she is home alone. I just don't feel right when strange men visit to spray for bugs, or worse yet when men are let inside to work on or replace cable equipment.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

diogenes72 said:


> Am I just old fashioned or should I be concerned, at any level, my wife schedules appointments while she is home alone. I just don't feel right when strange men visit to spray for bugs, or worse yet when men are let inside to work on or replace cable equipment.


Well, whether or not you should be concerned depends a lot on your and your wife's circumstances. Do you have any reason to think she'd stray?

If you're uncomfortable with it, have you talked to her about it? Let her know that you're really not okay with her having other men in the house when you're not home. 

If you have'n't talked to her, she may not be aware it's an issue for you. You might approach it with a little joking, and let her know that you it may be silly of you, but it's something you're just not okay with. One of those little personal quirks we have.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

50 years ago tradesmen would visit the homes of women when their husbands were at work. And nothing happened.

And that was 50 years ago.

So, if you are old fashioned, your fashion must pre-date the mid 20th century.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Concerned for her safety or that she'll stray? If she is inclined to stray she'll find a way IMO, unless you are keeping her under lock and key at home.


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## diogenes72 (Jan 10, 2016)

Safety concern. There was an issue at our gym when a guy was touching himself with only her inside the sauna. The incident caused the gym to put cameras.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Yes, you are old fashioned. But it may not be a problem if you talk to your wife about it. (Depending on what you are concerned about.) If you are concerned about her safety, she may think you are sweet, although she might point out that you are being a bit over protective. It's really not unreasonable to schedule things when you are home alone. And it may be that she would rather get the grunt work out of the way so that when you are home you can spend time uninterrupted. 

If you are worried she will stray, your problem isn't the fact that she schedules appointments when you aren't there, it's that you don't trust her. Is that warranted?
Only you know that. 

But if it's not warranted, I would suggest keeping your mouth closed and getting counseling for why you can't trust.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Your wife can request that the service company provide the name of the person who will visit the house. Some companies will even provide a photo of the person ahead of time. 

Your wife should check the photo id against the name provided by the company before letting them into the house.

The risk is very low.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Having men come to work on the house when my wife is home and I'm not hasn't really bothered me. Perhaps it should?? You never know.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> 50 years ago tradesmen would visit the homes of women when their husbands were at work. And nothing happened.
> 
> And that was 50 years ago.
> 
> So, if you are old fashioned, your fashion must pre-date the mid 20th century.


maybe old fashioned Saudi Arabia?

A service rep from a reputable place that she called? fine. Make them show ID if worried.

A door to door guy offering handyman services, not fine (probably a scam at best). Or a guy from a supermarket bulletin board, craigslist posting, etc.

Just use common sense.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

diogenes72 said:


> Safety concern. There was an issue at our gym when a guy was touching himself with only her inside the sauna. The incident caused the gym to put cameras.


Ah, I was ready to chide you slightly, but it seems your personal experience has understandably given you cause for concern. I would say your worries are probably overblown, and if she is not concerned (as she is the one making these appointments) I would let her do so.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Prior to discovering my wife's emotional affairs I would not have a problem with it. Now I don't trust her and don't care so she can do whatever she wants. 

But to answer the OP's question, yes I agree. I am "old fashioned" like that too. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

diogenes72 said:


> Am I just old fashioned or should I be concerned, at any level, my wife schedules appointments while she is home alone. I just don't feel right when strange men visit to spray for bugs, or worse yet when men are let inside to work on or replace cable equipment.


Old fashioned? 

Slightly out of touch.

Almost anything that gets repaired in a house is done 9 - 5. Anything after 5 is usually double charge (at least).

Many services (such as appliance repair) don't even offer after 5:00 servicing.

If you're worried about affairs - you need to check yourself. Your "concern" is unwarranted. She would be doing something where you wouldn't know.

If your concern is her safety - not old fashioned, it's a wise thought process.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

You're a bit paranoid, but I can understand with what happend. Statistically is she far more likely to be hurt by you or someone she knows than some stranger in the bush by almost double.

My question is does she also feel unsafe? Could that be driving your paranoia? I ask because it must be unsettling to know this happend to her and you were powerless to do anything about it. Could you both consider taking some self defense classes? Does your local police department teach classes on personal safety? Maybe that could be something that would make you both feel better and more secure?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, I guess my first question is what the alternative would be to your wife having repairmen in your home when you are not there? Practically speaking, are you prepared to handle all the repair appointments? Are you willing to pay double and give up your Saturday afternoon, or take time off from work, so that you will be home when the repairman arrives? Are you willing to handle those necessary repairs for which there are no repairmen available that match up with your at-home schedule? How long are you okay with having the refrigerator on the fritz, a non-working oven, or a leaking roof, in order to arrange an appointment for a night or a weekend when you can be home to oversee things?

I'm not trying to be difficult here, but I do want you to really think about the practical logistics of not having service personnel at your home unless you can be there with your wife. It is possible, of course, as single people manage it all the time. But there are extra costs and extra hassles associated with doing it that way. If you've considered all the ramifications of your preference, and are still willing to deal with the complications, then talk it over with your wife. And then make darned sure that you actually make yourself, and/or the extra money required, available to meet with service techs when things need to be fixed.


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

Stuff does happen. That horrible case of the young female doctor burned to death in Philly. Had an elderly gentleman in my town get murdered by some punks who did some work for him.

She can take precautions...dress very conservatively and not to attract attention. Never pull out a wad of cash to pay the serviceman. Basic things. She can even call you, within earshot of the serviceman, when he arrives to let you know they showed up, and to let serviceman know others know he's there.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

diogenes72 said:


> Safety concern. There was an issue at our gym when a guy was touching himself with only her inside the sauna. The incident caused the gym to put cameras.


A weirdo at the gym is very different than a technician trying to make a living. I don't think it is a matter of being old fashioned, but of being fearful, or jealous. Are you jealous or fearful in other areas of your marriage?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

All she has to do is keep her cell phone in her hand and in plain sight. Also, she could invite a neighbor over to chat while the work is being done. She could hover by a door if she felt the need. In over 40 years, I've never had a problem with workmen. Also, as Rowan mentioned, those Saturday rates will eat you alive. Or, just take off work and be there for the repairs.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I've seen, lived through and lost too much.

We arrange for her not to be alone or I am there.

Occasionally, a workman has been there when I am not and she always talks to me and directly involves me in the conversation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Buy her a double barrel shotgun and keep it loaded at a times


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I think it's a sweet thought. My dad was very protective when I was growing up and even when I was out on my own would worry when the maintenence men in the apartment complex needed to stop by for service. So I think it is a nice gesture that you worry over her, as long as you are not driving her nuts over it.

My husband and I both work the same schedule so we usually have to play it by ear to see who has to take off work to deal with any house calls. Even though I am fully capable of defending myself and handling all kinds of situations I still prefer not to be alone with people working inside my house. Just me though.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> Occasionally, a workman has been there when I am not and she always talks to me and directly involves me in the conversation.


On occasion, my husband and I have done this.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> I've seen, lived through and lost too much.
> 
> We arrange for her not to be alone or I am there.
> 
> ...


CH, did something really bad happen with a home repair person? I agree that talking to the hubby on the phone gives a sense of security, if you can't be there.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Checking with a service like the Better Business Bureau or Angie's List is a good idea. Getting referrals and actually talking with them can help. You being there when s/he comes to give and estimate and talking in detail with questions based on knowledge you've gained can help. 

Doing some sort of search you'd do if you were dating someone is a good idea, as well.

Getting some classes like @Wolf1974 suggested, is a good idea.

On the old-fashioned part, there were old jokes about the "milkman" or the "fuller brush man". 

Milk used to be delivered to homes in glass bottles and placed in an insulated, tin box left out on the porch with an unlocked lid. The empty clean quart milk bottles would be placed in the box and a milkman in a delivery truck which had a cooling unit would stop and deliver full bottles and take the empties to be commercially cleaned, sanitized and refilled. 

The fuller brush man was a door to door salesman who would sell cleaning supplies for the home and brushes for hair and cleaning. He'd knock on the door and hold the screen open to chat face to face with the target of the sales pitch. He was aggressive, because he was trying to make a living and had to sell his products, but this led to more jokes about putting a foot in the door to stop it from closing and all manner of jokes. 

They did have good products. After some time, it was possible to buy similar quality products at the grocery store. Also, it became to expensive to produce those at an affordable price for the average homeowner. And, over time, the SAHM became obsolete due to lowered wages and the need for two incomes. 

I remember a fuller brush salesman coming to our home when I was very young. My neighbor had the milk delivery service. It was said to be the freshest possible milk. 

I'm not sure how funny jokes really are, if one of them is a PUA with no or little character and a wife is vulnerable. Usually, there is some truth to a joke, or they are not funny, just ridiculous. Similar to the best lies having some truth to them.

These are jokes, below. Careful, probably NSFW. 

https://youtu.be/hkYiWpVOpSs

https://youtu.be/FJqng32i0go

Be careful you know how to do the DIY stuff you take on.

https://youtu.be/M6fSmwHFsjQ


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> CH, did something really bad happen with a home repair person? I agree that talking to the hubby on the phone gives a sense of security, if you can't be there.


It also lets the workman know someone outside the home knows he is there.

Never had an incident with a repairman or service guy but have seen too many situations where someone abused a position of trust with terrible results.

I am a little paranoid and I know it but that is something I will have to deal with my whole life.

I am hypersensitive about any situation that could be dangerous.

Thank God Mrs. Conan is patient.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

KJ_Simmons said:


> Stuff does happen. That horrible case of the young female doctor burned to death in Philly. Had an elderly gentleman in my town get murdered by some punks who did some work for him.
> 
> She can take precautions...dress very conservatively and not to attract attention. Never pull out a wad of cash to pay the serviceman. Basic things. She can even call you, within earshot of the serviceman, when he arrives to let you know they showed up, and to let serviceman know others know he's there.


And not wear flashy expensive jewelry. A repair person doesn't need to know that there's expensive jewelry in the house.


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