# How to initiate sex with LD wife?



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I've been married to Mrs.CuddleBug for 16 years as of September.

At some point she did admit to me she is LD due to her size which makes her extremely insecure and non sexual, don't touch me much, dry kisses, etc.

When we do have sex, I start to give her oral, which I love doing, she enjoys it, starts getting into it, I can tell and then she pulls me back up.

She usually never lets me give her oral to orgasm.


Asking for advice on this. Is there a technique or anything I can do, so Mrs.CuddleBug enjoys oral more and allows me me give her orgasms?


At one point she said having an orgasm takes a lot out of her. Whatever that might mean.



Pointers, tips, techniques, advice?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> At one point she said having an orgasm takes a lot out of her. Whatever that might mean.


Some orgasms that are forced or performance driven (meaning vigorous stimulation required) can be somewhat numbing compared to orgasms that are built up over time and occur during a relaxed state. 

If you wife is struggling to orgasm for whatever reason, slow down, increase foreplay, and avoid contact with her erogenous zones until she is very aroused. 

Otherwise the hormonal activity her body is going through to force an orgasm can be somewhat of a jolt as opposed to something that is gradual, sustained, and with an enjoyable afterglow. 

Jolting one's hormones (forcing an orgasm) can deplete certain chemicals available in the brain and leave one lethargic and/or foggy afterwards. A slow build up allows the body to better prepare for enjoyment. 

Badsanta


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mrs.CuddleBug's instinctive reaction is to pull me up when I start giving her oral and she is getting into it.


Probably her insecurity kicking in?


She feels uneasy even though I'm her hubby of 16 years and she likes me giving her oral?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Does she like to go down on you? Women who enjoy giving their man pleasure in this way tend to also enjoy getting pleasure this way. She may do it for you, but she might not enjoy it, or might not have figured out that she enjoys your enjoyment. When she goes down on you, make happy pleasant noises and don't be afraid to give some direction here and there.

You can use her giving to you as a means of showing her how you want to give to her. Make sense!

If you're not used to having an orgasm with someone's face in your crotch it can be a little intimidating. Make sure she pees first because having a bladder that isn't empty can also be a little off putting and interfere with orgasm.

Make noises while you're down there. Make pleasant happy noises that clearly communicate your happiness with and pleasure about being there.

Women tend to have a Love/hate relationship with their lady bits. A face up close and personal brings out all the neurotic feelings. So when you sense she's getting close, allow your fingers to take over and back your face away. Over time start bringing your face back in. She will eventually get over her block about not wanting to orgasm on your face.

Lastly, don't assume that because you love getting a BJ as a warm up that she will also love having you down there as a warm up. The more turned on she is before you head south the more likely she will stay aroused and build arousal in order to orgasm.

Lastly, for some women, orgasm is not as important as it is to other women. If your wife doesn't orgasm easily don't assume she yearns for orgasms...but don't assume she doesn't. Clear as mud?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I know she enjoys giving me a BJ because I tell her she is amazing at it. She has complete control and I keep my hands at my sides. Sometimes she grabs my hands on puts them on her head.

Yah, could be she will never be comfortable with me down there for her.

True, Mrs.CuddleBug doesn't orgasm easily.

Never saw it that way. I enjoy her BJ as a warm up, so maybe that's why she only likes oral also as a warm up.

I think if she lost the weight and got in shape like the way she wants, I'm sure her interest in sex and receiving would change

I've told her many times I love the sounds she makes when giving me a BJ, her saliva, suction, and tongue. Amazing and she knows this but if I go down on her, she is always hesitant and only allows me down there to get her warmed up. If I force her arms to her sides and give her oral until she has her orgasm, she loves it. 

She likes it, loves it but always fights it.


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

Have you tried dominating her more while doing it? Tie her hands to the bed posts. Blindfold her. Tell her what you're going to do to her, then do it. Tease her during the build up. Then show her a lot of animal lust while doing it, not that you just want to please her but that you crave it and her. Have your way with her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If I drool and lust over Mrs.CuddleBug, she gets upset and really hates that.

Now for me, I love it.

I'm not a piece of meat she says even though we have sex 1 - 2x month.

If I gave her oral while she sleeps, and she woke up, she would kill me. She would freak out!!!!

Yet if I woke up to Mrs.CuddleBug giving me a BJ or on top riding me, I would remember that for the entire week!!!


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

It took the nuclear option to get my ex to figure that sex was important to a marriage and that I wouldn't stay without a good sex life. She did however turn it around from once a month to once or twice a day or so average and became an active participant. It did not make her into a porn star by any means as she still had hangups, but she be came a very active participant and was expanding her limitations.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Cuddlebug: Hold is in an evil mood today. My answer to your question: initiate with someone besides your wife. J/K!

More serious answer: see if she will go to a sex therapist with you. Do the homework. The first few weeks you don't have sex. You do exercises designed to get you more comfortable with your bodies, with talking about sex, etc. Looking at yourself naked. Looking at each other naked. Massage but no touching the erogenous zones. Maybe drawing some pictures.

Your wife has some hangups and it may take professional help to get her comfortable with working through them. Alone with you she may never do it because pressure from you is 1000x harder to give into than pressure from a licensed therapist.

Oh, and yes, I tried this with H2. She went to the sessions but never did any of the exercises. If your wife goes to see the therapist but won't do any exercises then I think you have your answer whether this will ever be resolved.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mrs.CuddleBug wants to be in great shape but she won't make the serious life style change. Then as she gets bigger, she can't fit into her clothes and gets upset. Sometimes she just puts her mind into her work and nothing else, misses lunch, etc. and then comes home and has chips, or buys burgers for us for dinner. The whole time, she is getting bigger, and her big clothes are getting tighter.

If I initiate sex, she isn't in the mood 99% of the time. So I basically gave up initiating. She notices and eventually gets worried and initiates sex but its about 1x month.

Do I think she would go to sex therapy with me? Not in a million years.

I guess what it comes down to is I love physicality and all forms of adventurous sex and often. Mrs.CuddleBug is opposite to me.

I can compromise sex down to 3x week and some adventurous sex. But to Mrs.CuddleBug, having sex 3x week is too much and all I want is sex.......so its 1x month, maybe 2x month and very conservative, oral from her, doggy and sometimes missionary, that's it.


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## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

CuddleBug said:


> I've been married to Mrs.CuddleBug for 16 years as of September.
> 
> At some point she did admit to me she is LD due to her size which makes her extremely insecure and non sexual, don't touch me much, dry kisses, etc.
> 
> ...



When my husband first started going down on me, I was really not into it at all. I'm still sorta icked out, but yeah, he can get me to climax. (Fundamentalist upbringing residuals.) 

When I first started doing this (and come to think of it.... I might have him go back to this...) it was very, very slow process. He was a sneaky little devil. > 

He started with kissing my tummy. Then worked his way down south, but stopped short of oral on .... my parts  
He concentrated his focus on my inner thigh, and that's it. For a few weeks it was like this. Just slow, soft kisses. After a few weeks of this, he moved inwards, (I'm trying to not be too graphic). 
It took a couple of months of this, maybe more actually. 

Before long ***I*** actually was asking for more. That worked pretty well. For a good chunk of time, we did it like that. It helped me to ease into it. 

I wouldn't let him bring me to o like that because I was worrieda bout er... fluids. And he started talking to me more about the taste of things, and being aroused, etc. That helped a lot. Knowing that he was aroused from being down there, made a big difference. 

Also, light bondage helped. Ya know, furry little cuffs, or being held down. But that's me, that might freak another person out. 
(I don't want to get kicked off, so if this is too much info, I apologize and can censor.) 

Still have some issues. That might take time. 

I have noticed that I've gone backwards in this area, but that's more because I really love other things more..... 
:x


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I know she enjoys giving me a BJ because I tell her she is amazing at it. She has complete control and I keep my hands at my sides. Sometimes she grabs my hands on puts them on her head.
> 
> Yah, could be she will never be comfortable with me down there for her.
> 
> ...


You may have something, perhaps she isn't comfortable letting you see her orgasming from oral....I think she LIKES you forcing her hands away...She enjoys you being in control...


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