# Family Problems during reconciliation



## Dustysmom (Aug 3, 2012)

So me and my husband have been seperated for 4 months now and we have decided to get back together. We have a daughter and were renting before. We are in the process of getting a new house to rent. Things are good. We have a appointment with a marriage councellor, we are seeing a financial councellor and we are finally communicating about our goals and everything in general.

The problem is my family (mother and sister primarily). I have been living with them while we have been separated (bad move but nowhere to go). They have always loved my husband and he did something that they didn't approve of (I can't tell you but its totally forgivable) They are very cold and mean spirited and just can't seem to forgive. Anyways that is not the problem. My problem is that I haven't told them we are getting back together yet but have to as its approaching in 2 weeks. They are very controlling and never let me get a word in. Do you think telling them by email about me and my husband is approppriate or should I do it in person? Regardless I will have to talk to them about it but I thought telling them the most important part by email would give them time to think about what they are going to say rather than attacking me. They want to control me and especially my daughter but I can't allow it to happen. Living with them this past 4 months has really allowed me to get to know them better and I am not sure I like this side. I really just want to focus on getting my family back(me,husband and daughter) and do not need their negativity.

Any help would be great!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Oh just tell them... This is 'your' life...'your' marriage and 'your' choices...they can suck it up or shut the f' up. Really? At the very least they should be supportive but to not let you get a word in edge wise is rediculous. You need to be assertive. 

I mean thank them for their hospitality and having you there while you went through your ordeal but for craps sake your trying to make your marriage work and keep your family together...are these two 'naturally' this angry? I get the impression that no matter what they gonna bicker and bxtch anyway... lol... \

Just be up front and blurt it out. Let them get their 'say' out of their system and over with...and again remind them it is your life.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Dmom-- Good for you on trying to get your marriage and family back on track. I wish you and your H the best. 

This is too important to let family interference get in the way. You will need to work on your boundaries with your mom and sister. You are an adult, and they should be respectful and supportive. If you have a difficult time getting out what you need to say without them interrupting, then perhaps an email is the way to go. You can choose your words calmly, and with a record of what you said, there won't be a chance of a future problem of twisting your words. 
Then you can work on putting together what you want to say to them when you do finally get in touch.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

As Stella and Angle said, this is about you. Not them. You, your husband and your child. No one else.

Boundaries. Your new best friend. You need to have them with your family and husband. Any relationship will fail if there are not boundaries. Determine what you are OK with and not OK with from anyone else. Put that into play. 

If your family does not approve of it, so what? Not there problem. Not their life. Don't beat around the bush. Just be firm and tell them. This is not a discussion. I am not here for your opinion. This is what is happening and you are only making them aware of it. Nothing more. Nothing less. If they cut you off and argue, then calmy get up and leave. Simple as that.

Good luck with the talk and good luck with the reconciliation.


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