# what do you think?



## needing answers (Feb 2, 2009)

I've been married for 8 years and have a 5-year-old son. I married for the wrong reasons - I was on a rebound from an ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. A few months later, I met my husband who made me feel so special and he asked me to marry him 6 months later and I accepted. I was and am not in love with him. A few weeks prior to the wedding, I started having panic attacks which awoke me from sleep and I had a gut feeling that marrying him was not the right thing to do but I went through with it anyway. I felt miserable during our honeymoon and knew that I made a mistake. He is a wonderful person but just not for me. Communication is very important to me, but he has a hard time communicating, saying he has nothing to talk about. His mind is always preoccupied (due to having ADD) so he has a hard time focusing on me (he doesn't want any type of medication). After eight years of being married like this, I'm seriously contemplating a divorce. I am really unhappy and just frustrated in our marriage. I know that he will be able to find someone who will love him for who he is and will appreciate him for who he is; that person is just not me. Sometimes, I feel like I can't breathe and just want out. I'm also worried about how this will affect our 5-year-old son. Also, recently, my first love came back into my life - we are just friends I know there is no future with us since he is married with 5 kids though he is not happily married and says he is staying together for the kids' sake. I feel so disconnected from my husband, so lonely and even if we are sitting next to one another, I feel so distant. We have talked about this numerous times, but he just doesn't seem to understand - he says he is happy with our marriage. We have tried marriage counseling, but that didn't help. We have talked about divorce on numerous occasions, but he says that would be my choice since he wouldn't want to divorce me since he says that I am the love of his life. I wish that he were mine too, but he isn't. Sometimes, I can't even stand him touching me. We have a platonic marriage and have not been intimate for 6 years... I just don't love him - we are like roommates now. Thank you for reading.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

I find it interesting that you stayed with him for 3 years before you had a child even though you knew before you married him that you were making a mistake. Why did you choose to have a child with him? 

Is he ok with not being intimate? I can't think of many men that would say they are happily married when there is no intimacy. 

Is there more to this picture?

And please...whatever you do...do not become involved with your "first love" with him being married. If anything encourage him to get the help he needs to fix his marriage. No body like to be unhappily married, but a happy marriage takes work, understanding, and constant effort.


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