# I had a breakthrough last night



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

So last night I was talking with my best friend, he is going through a divorce as well. We got talking about our situation, and I had a breakthrough when I realized that even if my stbxw were to ask for reconciliation now (which she won't) I won't be able to go back. I've seen/heard too much over the last three months to ever really trust her again with my feelings, to trust that we wouldn't end up back here again.

Once I truly realized that I cried really hard! I'm still sad that this is all ending, but I've realized that the last year the relationship was one sided and dysfunctional, and if I were to go back without changing myself it would be dysfunctional as well. Plus, I don't think my wife would accept me with the changes I've already started to make.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

One day you won't care and will look back at this and wonder why you made such a big stink over it.

That day will be when you are in your next relationship. You will soooo not care about any of this or what your ex is doing when you got a new girl on your arm.

Be better for the next woman and try to trade up lol.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I was telling myself this for a little while about my STBXW but wasn't really being honest with myself. I'd take her back in a heartbeat. BUT, I can't wait for the day I have the breakthrough you just experienced! Good for you, seems to be a real turning point for people.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Sd,
It is a turning point, however it was a very tough turning point to realize. It's a realization that I truly have to move forward, because there is no future for us (not that she has even hinted at wanting one). The funny thing is when I went to drop the kids stuff off at the house this morning, she wanted me to stick around to chat for awhile, I felt no purpose. I don't know how to talk to her anymore. Strange how for 11 years we were best friends, but it's taken a little over 3 months to turn her into a stranger for me.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

sd212 said:


> I was telling myself this for a little while about my STBXW but wasn't really being honest with myself. I'd take her back in a heartbeat. BUT, I can't wait for the day I have the breakthrough you just experienced! Good for you, seems to be a real turning point for people.


I have days where I say maybe I will just file so the kids and I can move on... and then I relax or something happens and it triggers my patience button and I am right there giving him time. I don't know how much time I can give him but for now... It's all part of the roller coaster I think. Giving up then holding out hope.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Mama,
If there is any hope I always say hold out for it. I pray that everyone can find reconciliation if it's truly possible. I just know that in my case, she is so focused on moving forward, being single, enjoying her new body.

Plus I have new changes I have to make for myself. I'm not going to be a doormat anymore, I'm going to make sure my needs are met. See these are things that she got so used to taking advantage of me, that I don't think my new realization would work for her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good for you Proud. You're making progress. Glad you walked away from her when she wanted to talk. That's the side of you she needs to see: your backside, walking away from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Good for you Proud. You're making progress. Glad you walked away from her when she wanted to talk. That's the side of you she needs to see: your backside, walking away from her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

you should be 'proud, daddy'! the crying really hard is necessary to pass through the grieving, i know it very well!! it definitely is progress, and you will find the hurt not so sharp now. you're on your way


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