# Divorce before baby comes...



## phyxius (Jul 5, 2010)

I'm 7 months pregnant and really considering leaving my H. Since we've found out I was pregnant money has been a big issue and it seems like everything that could go wrong is. When I try to talk about it with my H, he gets angry and blames me for it. 

For example, our mortgage payment was supposed to come out but he decided to take some of the funds right before the due date and spend it on his cousin's bachelar party. Granted, we knew he had to come up with the money but he should have found another way like asking the other guys for their money up front. Somehow it's my fault because I didn't call them right away and ask them to change the payment details. Unfortuntly being busy with other arrangements like preparing for our child is not the main priority in our lives, it's this wedding.

Things like this have been going on for months now and I'm completely stressed out which my doctor is angry about because it's not good for the baby. I've told him that we need to deal with our money problems now before they get worse and so that I stop stressing so much. We are constantly at each other's throats. I'm an emotional reck! I cry myself to sleep every night.

I'm considering leaving him and moving back home with my parents. But if I do so, I have to leave my work and who knows how quickly the house will sell. I have a lot of debt that was brought on by him when we first started living together so I'll need a job even after I leave, but who will hire someone going on maternity? I'm really lost.


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## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

Take a deep breath and know that this CAN work out. You can find a way to handle this. You will most likely get lots of good advice here. In my opinion, I think you need your current job right now. It is some type of security in an uncertain situation. Before people can help and offer advice, please share more info if you feel like you want to. For instance, what kind of debt are you talking about, how old are you, is money the only issue, and how are the finances handled right now (does he have complete control or is it a shared responsibility?) 

I'm glad you came to this site. Hopefully, some of the suggestions will help you stay somewhat calm for that precious baby.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I filed for divorce when I was 6 months pregnant with my youngest. I know what a tough decision this is for you. My first question is this debt: you say it was brought on by him when you first started living together. Living together as in shacking up (not critcizing, I'm living with my boyfriend, so don't take offense) or living together as in married? If you were not married, and he incurred this debt, depending on your state's laws, you may not be responsible for it. And even if it was after you were married, or you are responsible for it anyway, you might be able to shift it back to him, where it properly belongs since he incurred it. 

You will find difficulty in getting a new job this late in your pregnancy. As you say, it will be hard to find someone to hire you when they know you will go on maternity leave soon. And even if you do find one, you will be so new, you won't have any job protection when you go on leave and so could find yourself out of a job again anyway. In your position, I would at least consider staying until after the baby is born, and your maternity leave is over. It will be easier to find work if you have maternity leave behind you. Also, while on maternity leave, if you decide you do want to leave him and go back to your parents, you will be able to find some time while baby is napping and such to go online and look for jobs in your parents area; this way, you might have a job lined up when you're ready to go. 

If you decide to divorce, keep in mind he will have to pay you child support unless there is totally joint custody, which is rare. Child support may not be much, but it will help you a little. And most courts these days run support through a central depository, and withdraw it directly from the noncustodial parent's paycheck, and if they do that, you will get the support no matter how bad he is with money. 

In the meantime, to try to ease all your stress, the only real suggestion I can think of is opening a new bank account in which you deposit money to cover the bills, one which he has no access to. This way, there's a limited amount of money he can spend, and it won't affect the bills. Of course, the problem with this idea is that he could get very angry and this would only cause more stress for you. I can't suggest that you let him take over the bills, because that is just a recipe for disaster. Maybe you could create a spreadsheet that shows all the income and all the debt (household bills, credit cards, any other debts), so he can see what kind of money you guys really have. Seeing it in black and white, along with a list of all the expenses you will have once baby arrives, may help him realize he needs to stop. 

I hope that helped a little.


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