# im so lost



## DaniN (Feb 4, 2016)

I have been with my husband for 12 years things haven't been perfect. I do love him but more like a friend. The last few years he has become rude and mean. He apologizes and promises to be better. He is a great provider and he is a good dad for the most part to our kids. We can get along when he is not ignoring me or totally mad at me for whatever reason. He thinks I am controlling because I don't like him hanging out with his friends and I ask him to help with our boys and around the house because I work and go to school. I am probably a little more controlling than I should be about his friends but he gets into trouble. He says everything is fine between us but I'm not convinced. I Feel bad because he has changed a lot for me, but i don't think that it is enough. He has no problem telling me that I don't look good but then he likes to show me off to his friends and that is about the only time other than when he wants sex that he even acts like he likes me. He will cuddle with me when I am mad. I am lost and I don't know what to do I asked him to go to counseling and he said that he would but there is always a reason he cant. I don't want to leave because of our boys but i don't want them seeing some of the things he does. I tried to leave before and he had my boys beg me to stay which broke my heart. help


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## Nanners (Jan 10, 2016)

The last two sentences are very concerning to me. Using your children like that is not acceptable. 

Also, what things does he do that you don't want the children to see?

As far as the rest of it, it sounds like there might be a disconnect on how to meet each other's needs. I think counseling is a great idea if you can get him to actually go. 

Have you told him how bad it is for you?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Read His Needs Her Needs and ask him to do the questionnaires also


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## Karen Smith (Feb 14, 2016)

DaniN said:


> I Feel bad because he has changed a lot for me, but i don't think that it is enough.


Did he have personality or behavior traits that you did not like before you got married?

Or did he develop negative one's after marriage that required him to change?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

aine said:


> Read His Needs Her Needs and ask him to do the questionnaires also


Excellent advice. Do this immediately. Probably the best out there.

He needs to read it too.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

He won't go to counseling or do any serious "trying" until he finds out how far you are gone. And almost 100% of the time, husbands don't figure it out until it's too late. That will be your case as well. So you can either wait until you are 100% gone or make him THINK you are 100% gone (HINT: agreeing to come back IMMEDIATELY after leaving does NOT make him think you are gone).

Don't put too much faith in any of these books all of these folks are suggesting. I can GUARANTEE you he's not going to read one and do any stinking questionaire. 

He's fine. He doesn't see a problem. You need to make him "SEE" the problem. Before you are totally gone. If it's not too late.

Personally, I think it is already.

Good luck to you.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

The last part bothered me about how he had your boys beg you to stay. It is very inappropriate for him to be putting the kids into your marital arguments, really shows his lack of maturity. If he won't go to counseling then sleep in different rooms or separate long enough for you to figure out what you want. Have you tried to sit him down and really tell him how you have felt about all of this? He probably doesn't think you are serious about counseling or the possibility of you leaving and he needs to get a reality check. Maybe you can compromise with him too when it comes to his friends. If he helps out with the boys more he can have a guys night out every once in a while. You did say that his friends get him in trouble. He's a dad..maybe he needs a new set of friends.


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