# What can I do to break the cycle?



## KLynn82 (Jul 27, 2010)

Hi all, 

For the last year and a half, I have been with a guy who suffers from terrible anxiety. Our relationship has been up and down to say the least. There is definitely a cycle of us breaking up and getting back together. 


I'm really trying hard to break this cycle by learning all I can about anxiety and how it relates to relationships. Right now, he's having a lot of axiety about us and wants to break up, but I really want us to try and work through it this time. He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but he's said this before and we ended up getting back together. 

I told him that relationships have their ups and downs and we need to try and get through the downs because the ups are so great. 


What are some things I can do to help ease his anxiety about us? I've asked him several times, but he only gets angry and refuses to talk about it. What are some essentials someone who suffers from depression/anxiety needs in a significant other?? Any help is greatly appreciated!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

KLynn82 said:


> I'm really trying hard to break this cycle by learning all I can about anxiety and how it relates to relationships.
> 
> What are some things I can do to help ease his anxiety about us? I've asked him several times, but he only gets angry and refuses to talk about it. What are some essentials someone who suffers from depression/anxiety needs in a significant other?? Any help is greatly appreciated!


Focusing on his anxiety is not how this cycle is going to break. You are putting so much time, energy, and heart into his problem that you are completely neglecting your problem: codependency. 

"Are you happier or more gratified when you are doing for others than when you do for yourself? Do you feel guilty spending time, money, or resources on your own projects instead of devoting time to others' needs? *Do you take on the problems and cares of others with vigor and become stressed if you cannot solve their problems?* Are you annoyed and angry if people don't give you the thanks and accolades you secretly feel you deserve for all the good things you have done for them? If you answer "yes" to these questions, you may be in a codependent relationship."

Enabling and Codependency

Your relationship wont change until you acknowledge your part in perpetuating the cycle. You know the definition of insanity, right?


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## KLynn82 (Jul 27, 2010)

Hmmmm...not helpful. I'm just trying to learn what I can do to help a loved one's condition. If I'm co-dependent, then everyone who posts on here looking for solutions is co-dependent.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

KLynn82 said:


> If I'm co-dependent, then everyone who posts on here looking for solutions is co-dependent.


anyone who is looking for solutions to their spouse's problems has varying degree's of co-dependency. It is pretty common on here. I came on here with the same problem, too. the first time i heard that it was me that needed to change was from dr. phils relationship rescue. it didnt go over very well. i burned that book. lol. it never goes over well with anyone the first time they hear it. but you'll keep hearing it again and again.


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