# Wife moved out, say's it's over...



## anybody_out_there (Apr 29, 2012)

Well I have read a number of posts on here looking for answers for myself so decided best thing would be to post and see what advice/comments come back.

My wife and I have been married for less than two years and we have no kids. She has moved out following our recent problems and says she is no longer in love with me and that it is over.

Our problems came to the surface within six months of getting married when it was revealed that she had cheated on me and wanted us to have a trial separation to deal with her feelings. This forced me to admit to an earlier infidelity that I had not done before because of the guilt, which made things even more complicated.

She left anyway and then came back to me after some weeks. We tried to patch things up but somehow she felt (from things she said) that I still was not showing her love and affection or working in the relationship. But I thought in a way I that we had got past our problems and maybe was too relaxed in our relationship.

Looking back now I see that in the last year or so since the separation we had lots of friction and tension. We have not been having sex as often as we both would like and she has commented on this often. 
I would have to say that I have had occasional doubts about how attracted I am to her and this has of course contributed to the lack of sex.
Looking back, these doubts were there before we got married but I went ahead as I really do love her and care for her and we are very good friends and have fun together. I am attracted to her but feel bad about not always finding her attractive.
I have guilt about finding other women attractive. I have not directly told her about this but she has probably picked up in different ways.

So all the tension has lead to inappropriate behaviour like staying out late with friends and coming home drunk.
I realize I have been a bit messed up and not focussing properly, a lot of which I had put down to general stress in the situation, at work, etc.

I felt that she did not appreciate the other stresses we were under and was not being patient but in the end I guess she got fed up with our situation and left, much more finally this time and it looks like we are heading for divorce. Despite everything this came as a big shock.

There have been cyptic comments from her side that were maybe warnings or maybe she still has more to tell me about her actual reasons for leaving.

Now I am (inevitably) in a lot of pain and don't know what is the best thing to do from here.
In the process of her leaving I probably did all the wrong things and just pushed her away even more.

I do want her to come back and would like us to resolve our issues. I miss her so much. I feel bad about everything I have done wrong. Until recently I probably didn't recognize a lot of what was happening between us or my own feelings but I have done a lot of thinking and reading on here which has brought things to light.

Should I call her to discuss things, or give her more time?

Sorry for the long post. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You both cheated in a very short marriage. Neither one of you shoud be married. Neither of you will ever be able to trust the other. Find the cheapest and fastest way out. Also find the other man that she's seeing now and warn him, that if she'll cheat with him, she'll cheat on him,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

I agree with Shaggy. This was a short marriage and you were both unfaithful right from the start. It might be a good idea to go your separate ways and find yourselves before committing to another person.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yup. You're not meant for marriage right now. 2 years and cheating? dang. Be single.


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## onehotmama (Apr 13, 2012)

Yes I agree too. Infidelity is unacceptable, and if you both can't refrain then you shouldn't be married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

agree with others, and once you are no longer married, you shouldn't get into another serious relationship for a long while. find yourself like unsure said...learn to rely on/respect yourself before you bring baggage to another relationship. guaranteed you will attract more trouble if you don't.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Agree with others plus you don't really find her attractive dude. When u like a girl you just do, no hesitation. Thank the lord you didnt get her pregnant and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

What can I say? I agree with all the above.

Divorce and move on. Get some counseling to find out why you married and then had an affair in such a short time


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