# Lonely in my marriage



## francesca (Dec 31, 2009)

Hi, I'm new to this (any) forum. I thought it may help to get others oppinions...I've been married for 12 yrs and over the yrs we fought like crazy all the time then I found out he was secretly drinking, he went to AA and stopped drinking. We got involved in an org cld marriage encounter, it helps you understand your spouse thru writing love ltrs each day, that lasted for about 6 mos or so. A lot of the times I would have prod him to write. It's supposed to be a 10 10, write for 10 min. & talk for 10 min. It does have the effect of connecting. We don't do that anymore I got tired of proding. He has a health condition and I'm always on him to go to the doctor to get it under control, he says he's scared so I become frustrated w/him. I tell him we don't talk, I feel like there's not much communication, so, we'll talk for a while and he says we just talked. I'M SO FRUSTRATED! I can't take it anymore. We talk about our isues it changes for a while then it's back to the same ol thing. Any suggestions??? 
Francesca:scratchhead:


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

the book 5 languages of love by gary chapman is good way to start figure out what your partner is missing in the relationship and you will see you can turn this around, it's worth one last try.
good luck


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## francesca (Dec 31, 2009)

Hi...One more chance is good advice, but guess what...I found out tonight that he's been drinking again. I'm numb. Don't even want to fight about it. I asked him how long has he been drinking, he said a couple of months. He blew my trust. Again. I can't go thru this anymore. I'm gonna tell him that I'm done.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

That is so sad, maybe you are right to separate and maybe he can use the time to work on himself before he is in any relationship.....In the meantime work on you, make yourself happy and just know that he can't do that right now.....
good luck to you


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## francesca (Dec 31, 2009)

Thanks for understanding. This morning he tried to cuddle and I wasn't in the mood. I said don't you realize that I am mad at you! He said I'm sorry. I told him you're always sorry, he said I knew you were going to say that! I told him I can't do this anymore. He said what do you mean? I told him I can't do this marriage anymore."Just like that" I said no I've been working thru the different issues for the last 10 years, can't do it anymore. I know he's hurt (I don't want to hurt him) but what about me. He tells me he doesn't mean to hurt me. He probably thought I would forgive and forget... AGAIN. He's not a bad person and I know he does love me, but I don't think I love him anymore. Why is it so complicated. All I wanted was someone to share my live with who I can trust and have a connection with. I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do. Maybe its disapointment.


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## snowglobe (Dec 26, 2009)

I know what you mean... I cant explain the feeling you are having either. It is a feeling that is without description don't you agree? It's like you want to be done and you need to be done but you can't. Isn't it funny how we have no problem putting other people's feelings before our own? So simple but so complicated. I am here if you want to talk to me.


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## francesca (Dec 31, 2009)

Hi...WOW, you hit the nail on the head. I do have a problem putting my own needs above others. I need to be selfish in this situation and strong. I've been talking to myself telling myself I can do this be strong. Hope it works. My plan is going up to NY to visit w/my mom (as she needs me anyway, my dad is in a nursing home) and stay w/her till I get on my feet. It's still going to be difficult. I have a good friend in NY & my daughter is very supportive.


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