# Wife is having an affair...



## Bm4rq222 (Mar 12, 2020)

Hello, inhave recently found out that my wife is having an affair. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. We have 2 kids 9 and 4. I am fairly certain that we will not be able to work it out. She shows very little remorse and is still actively seeing someone. My world is upside down right now. This blind sided me out of left field. We had appointments to see a fertility doctor and plans for the future and now this. She finally took her wedding ring off after a week of seeing this guy. When should I take my ring off?? I know people are saying when I am ready but what if I am never ready. Do i just take it off and try to move on?


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

Sorry this is happening, do things at your own pace.

You should post this in the Infidelity forum, you will get a lot of help.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

@mickybill is right, take your own pace..... except for one thing. Book an appointment with your lawyer now. Get your lawyer's advice on where you stand now, where you are going to stand during the process of divorce, and where you are going to stand following divorce. 

You do not have to take any action as a result of your meeting. How, and when, you act, is your decision to make, when you want to make it. Just know where you stand, financially, custodially, and especially fiduciarily as regards your 9-year old step child.
@mickybill is right about the infidelity forum, you will indeed get a lot of help. There are many of us who have BTDT and have the t-shirt.

You might want to read up on "the 180". Taking your ring off, etc, won't do anything. The 180 will not change your wife, will not save your marriage, will do nothing for your relationship to her. However, it is aimed at, and is good at, getting your head straight:

*THE 180*


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Bm4rq222 said:


> She shows very little remorse and is still actively seeing someone.


This was pretty much it for me. We went to a marriage counselor, and the counselor handed her the phone and said "....call him right now, and tell him that it's over, now, and forever....". She wouldn't.

34 years later, I fully, and completely understand, that moment was the one in which I should have taken my ring off, laid it on the counselor's desk, and told her to shove it up her concupiscent a$$.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

First, few details required. Do you know him? Is he married? Do they work together? How did they meet? Where do they meet? What does she do for a living? What does he do? Is she keeping this a state secret? Most everyone here knows why I am asking these questions. These are in anticipation of some form of exposure. She shows little remorse, however, she has no reason to at present. I am an accountant. I work with spouses separating and divorcing. We work with several law firms, private investigators, paralegals, psychologists and health practitioners. I could not begin to predict where your particular situation is going because every situation is different, and there is a paucity of information at present. Have a look through the CWI threads, look through the Divorce forums. 

Second, if you have not already, start a routine of self care. Remember to eat, even if you have to set the clock to do so. Drink water. Avoid alcohol, or drugs. Have a word with you PCP, they are invaluable at this time. If you need, get a referral for individual counselling. Look up the 180, it will serve you well at this time. If you must engage, be a grey rock. Look it up. We will be here for you, and a lot of us have been where you are,and where your wife is. Good luck.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

So sorry, the pain must be overwhelming. 
I would say to start the grieving process ASAP. 
I am biased, I would never want an unfaithful spouse back, they would be forever gross and tainted to me. 
I sense you'd actually be willing to reconcile if she were up for it and repentant. 
You've stated she is not and is actively dating someone right now.
I would move on, seek counsel, take inventory of properties, bank accounts, video record of all belongings and 
get a support group. See your friends, family, kids and spend as much time as possible with those that can help comfort 
you in this time of mourning and pain. Let family and friends know what is going on and why you need comfort. Don't keep her affair a secret (kids do not need details)
Start the divorce process.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Bm4rq222 said:


> Hello, inhave recently found out that my wife is having an affair. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. We have 2 kids 9 and 4. I am fairly certain that we will not be able to work it out. She shows very little remorse and is still actively seeing someone. My world is upside down right now. This blind sided me out of left field. We had appointments to see a fertility doctor and plans for the future and now this. She finally took her wedding ring off after a week of seeing this guy. When should I take my ring off?? I know people are saying when I am ready but what if I am never ready. Do i just take it off and try to move on?


Been there, but we didn't have kids and I was in my 20's. But my advice:

1. take the damn ring off. Does it mean anything any more? It obviously means nothing to her, so ditch it.
2. please, please, please tell me you have a lawyer. 
3. please also tell me that you're not having sex with her, and please get STD tested. You never know.

Think about it this way - your wife is really only looking out for herself here, and really only interested in her plaything. You need to look out for your kids, and looking out for your kids means that you need to look out for yourself and protect your assets. So call a lawyer, and do exactly what he/she says. And go and get STD tested right away.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You take your ring off whenever you are ready. Right now you are still married and taking the ring off doesn't change that, it doesn't change the circumstances, it won't make your wife smarten up and drop the AP, and it doesn't make you "weak". If you are not ready to call it quits and take off the ring, then don't do it. For whatever it's worth... When I found out that my wife was having an affair, I took my ring off about a month later. Then put it back on for a few weeks, then took it back off and it stayed off for the last 14 months or so (even though we are still together). 

Cheaters don't usually have remorse right out of the gate and don't necessarily drop the AP right away either. They aren't thinking clearly (that's not an excuse, just reality). So, IMO, it's not really a for sure thing that your marriage has to be over (unless you want it to be). Of course, there has to be remorse and she has to end the affair, among other things, but that can still happen. Probably not often, but it can happen. 

You are going to get a lot of advice. Everyone here has different experiences and different reasons fueling their response. Take it all in and decide what works for you and your situation. It's not a one size fits all approach and shouldn't be treated as such. 

I would recommend seeing at least one lawyer (second opinions are always good too). Most lawyers will do free consultations, and seeing a lawyer does not mean that you have decided to divorce. Even filing for divorce, if that's something you choose to do, is not final. All it means is that you are looking at your options and being prepared. It will help you know where you stand and what your options are if you end up needing them. Being prepared is always a good idea and there can be a bit of comfort in having less in the "unknown". You need to look out for yourself, and by extension, your kids. 

You're also going to want to get an STD test, for obvious reasons. No matter what story or excuses she has fed you, for your own health, please get checked.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> Don't keep her affair a secret (kids do not need details)


This is very, very good advice. It was the advice given by Dr. Dobson in "Love Must be Tough". It was correct. The affair busted inside a month or two. Her AP was, prior to his affair with her, a friend of mine. He died a couple years ago, he spent the last 32 years of his life with his wife and his family. I don't know if this would have been true, had the affair continued long-term.

He was different than my W. He was repentant and remorseful for what he did. He was exposed to his family, his church, his friends. Tough lesson, but one, in his case, well-learned.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

No remorse plus still actively seeing someone... what real choice do you have? I wouldn't take the the passive road of 'wait and see and reaccess'. You will end up destroyed.

Move through this with confidence. If you don't feel confident, fake it. 

Don't beg, plead, bargain.

Tell her exactly what you are going to do. Don't add any if's. Make it matter of fact. Find a lawyer, get the papers drawn, personally hand them to her and tell her it's over. 

She will either accept it and that's it. In that case, you never stood a chance. You get to move on and mitigate the soul damage of the pathetic pick me dance. 

Or she will beg, plead and bargain. Then it's up to you what you want to do at that point. 

But you are in control either way.

Carry forward with your self respect.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bm4rq222 you need to see at least three or four of the best divorce lawyers in your area and have a free initial consultation with them. 

In this way you will find out which is best for you. As an unfortunate side effect it might block your wife from being able to use them against you. Pity, really. But that's life.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

As I see it, once the peck has been put in the (fe)male, the marital account has been paid down and drained dry.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> @Bm4rq222 you need to see at least three or four of the best divorce lawyers in your area and have a free initial consultation with them.
> 
> In this way you will find out which is best for you. As an unfortunate side effect it might block your wife from being able to use them against you. Pity, really. But that's life.


*Matt's totally right! You need to lawyer up pronto in order to protect your custodial and marital property rights!

Get yourself to a good family lawyers office and don't let the door hit you in the butt!*


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## Bm4rq222 (Mar 12, 2020)

Thank you for all the feedback. It gets a little tricky because of finances and things. We are both pretty much broke and there is no finances to go after. We both have careers and good jobs but we make enough to cover our bills and that's about it. We literally just resigned a lease in February for another year. My cell phone is in her name the cars are in her name but the bank accounts and electric and other bills are in mine. This being said everything of ours is intertwined. If i would file for divorce today I wouldnt have a car or a phone tomorrow. I have started seeing a psychologist but my health insurance is through her job! SO that being said in the State of Florida you cant get a legal separation. I have an appointment next week for a consult with an attorney. We are both civil at the moment with each other because we are trying to do what's best for the kids regardless of her choices. The guy she is seeing is not in a relationship he isnt married and as far as I know he does not have a girlfriend or anybody for me to expose him to. They do work in the same facility just on different floors. I could blow them up at their job but I am not trying to turn this into an ugly custody battle. My 9 year old is not biologically mine. I have been in his life since he was 3. He has my lsat name and we were talking about me legally adopting him before this all blew up. She says she will still let me adopt him because I look at him as one of my own children. As it sits right now we have agreed to stay in the house together for a year and take that time to split everything up. I don't know if that's just me trying to hang on to something but at the same time I can't afford to up and find a new place that thats half way decent for me and the kids/kid. We would also have to find places somewhat in the same area because I am not taking anything less then 50% custody and she wants the same.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

*Re: wife is having an affair...*

Bm4rq222, sorry you are here. Yet, you can get good advice here because many here have been through what you are experiencing now. Whether she is remorseful and still in her affair is, in a sense irrelevant. Start your 180 now and do not back off. See an attorney ASAP and do not 
try to predict the future or outcome. Next, take care of yourself!! Go to the gym or swim. Also, reveal the affair to anyone who will listen. Your WW is in the shadows now, so expose the A to sunlight.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bm4rq222 I have moved your thread to Coping With Infidelity.


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

Did she come into your marriage with two cars? Did you come into the marriage with the bank account? 
I believe FL is a Community Property state. Split everything 50:50 that was acquired in the marriage. With a short, less than 7-10 years you get what you came in with and you split what you two got together.
Yes you will need a phone plan of your own.

How do you think it will work out with her dating her BF, going to his place for the weekend, leaving the kids with you and still sharing the house with you.?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Bm4rq222 said:


> I can't afford to up and find a new place that thats half way decent for me and the kids/kid.


That, my friend, is problem #1, #2, #3, and #4. You need to get into a financial position from which you CAN AFFORD it, as well as your phone and your health insurance. Do not leave anything (ANYTHING) in her name. Take all you can into your own control.

If you need education and/or training to accomplish this, ask your attorney about your chances of getting spousal support from your wife for a few years to accomplish this purpose. Find an attorney who is not afraid of a fight, and who has no compunction about ripping her a new anal sphincter. 

There are penalties in sin which people must endure. Your wife is no exception to the rule. She wants to do the horizontal bop with some other guy, let her pay for the ride.

Do everything you can to make sure the entire weight of her behavior, and her AP's fall squarely upon their heads. Staunchly refuse to accept any penalty for any of this. This is her own selfishness, and nothing else, which is driving her behavior. It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you.

If you cannot find suitable housing you can afford in the same locale as her, then get the custodial blend you want, and FORCE HER legally to accommodate your time with your kids.

Have no mercy. She doesn't give a carpenter's damn about you.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

You've gotten a lot of good advice, I'd take it.

Looking at fertility doctors and this happens?! WTF?! You've dodged a bullet.

I'm sure some other posters will disagree, but I would tell you DO NOT adopt that child at this point. Also, unfortunately, I'd DNA test the 4 year old.

Sorry you're going through this.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Since you are posting on both TAM and SI I will give you the same advice on both for the benefit of any folks new to infidelity. As for the ring, have it remade into a nice pinky ring.

Here are some concrete Do's & Don'ts.

*Do's:*

1.) *Lawyer up. *At the very least, find out your rights and what you need to prepare for. I would have her served with papers. That can be halted if she gets her head out of her ass.

2.) *Have yourself tested for STDs.*

3.) *DNA test your kids.*

4.) *Expose to both families and friends. Also, contact his wife or girlfriend.* It is the best way to break up an affair.

*Don'ts:*

5.) *Don't have sex with her.* It would be considered as forgiveness by a judge.

6.)*Don't beg her, cry in front of her, or try to reason with her. *In fact, you should be using the "180" technique with her. It helps you to detach and begin the healing process.* Google - The 180 For Hurt Spouses.*

People are drawn to people who show strength, courage, and decisive action. *Become that man*. Its the only way out of infidelity, whether you divorce or reconcile.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

skerzoid said:


> Since you are posting on both TAM and SI


What's SI?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sfort said:


> What's SI?


Surviving Infidelity. Another advice site.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

shortbus said:


> You've gotten a lot of good advice, I'd take it.
> 
> Looking at fertility doctors and this happens?! WTF?! You've dodged a bullet.
> 
> ...


Absolutely under no circumstances should you proceed with the adoption. The only difference it will make will be to make you legally financially liable for him. Make sure if you pay any child support for him it's voluntary, not court ordered.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

It's time to start working towards your independence. Whatever is in her name, rectify that. The sooner the better. Let her have the car. Go get some beater to drive around. Scrape together cash by selling whatever you can. Facebook and Ebay are your friends now. 

Obligatory book plug: *NOW WHAT? A Guide For Men Starting Over in Life After Infidelity, Breakup and Divorce*

The above book was written for men exactly in your shoes. There are thousands of guys like you going through this. I get emails from them daily. 

Good luck my friend.




Bm4rq222 said:


> Thank you for all the feedback. It gets a little tricky because of finances and things. We are both pretty much broke and there is no finances to go after. We both have careers and good jobs but we make enough to cover our bills and that's about it. We literally just resigned a lease in February for another year. My cell phone is in her name the cars are in her name but the bank accounts and electric and other bills are in mine. This being said everything of ours is intertwined. If i would file for divorce today I wouldnt have a car or a phone tomorrow. I have started seeing a psychologist but my health insurance is through her job! SO that being said in the State of Florida you cant get a legal separation. I have an appointment next week for a consult with an attorney. We are both civil at the moment with each other because we are trying to do what's best for the kids regardless of her choices. The guy she is seeing is not in a relationship he isnt married and as far as I know he does not have a girlfriend or anybody for me to expose him to. They do work in the same facility just on different floors. I could blow them up at their job but I am not trying to turn this into an ugly custody battle. My 9 year old is not biologically mine. I have been in his life since he was 3. He has my lsat name and we were talking about me legally adopting him before this all blew up. She says she will still let me adopt him because I look at him as one of my own children. As it sits right now we have agreed to stay in the house together for a year and take that time to split everything up. I don't know if that's just me trying to hang on to something but at the same time I can't afford to up and find a new place that thats half way decent for me and the kids/kid. We would also have to find places somewhat in the same area because I am not taking anything less then 50% custody and she wants the same.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@bm4rq, do not take anything for granted. Your WW is the enemy. You need to take back control of your situation. You need a good lawyer, you must expose her to all family and friends, it’s good you are getting therapy. You may do what is best for the kids but you must also do what is best for you as your kids will need a stable father.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Fear not @Bm4rq222. You are stronger than you realize. I have been in your shoes and I am 4 years in R. Right now you are overwhelmed, understandably so. But, you must keep a cool head. Do not do the “pick me” dance. Never works. Women respect strength not weakness as I have told many in your shoes. Read up on the 180. Follow it. Seems counter intuitive, but trust me it works.

Now, what are your goals? Divorce or Reconciliation? If you are resigned to divorce, forget it. Just protect yourself and move on. If you desire to reconcile, in my humble opinion, exposure is mandatory! I exposed to family, our adult children, close friends, and decided WTF and changed my status on Facebook to single. Posted that my wife was involved with another man and I mentioned him by name. Man did that stir up my FWW. She did not know what hit her. Looking back, I do not know if the Facebook, was the best route to go as there were too many people who saw the post. (I and my FWW are longer on FB. We think it is too damn invasive).

I would encourage you to take time for yourself and hit the gym. Get some pals and go out for a beer a few times per week. Go radio silence on her. Speak to her when it only concerns the children. At the moment she is your enemy. Keep that in mind. You cannot trust a word that comes out of her mouth. Cheaters are liars.

Now for your homework, please read Larry Winget’s “Grow A Pair”. Easy read with a good message. Dig down deep within your self and you will come on stronger on the other side.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

You are at a fork in the road and there are different types of advice you'll get if you want to divorce or reconcile.

Currently, you don't have the option of reconciling as it takes two people to do that. So to walk down the reconcile road you would need to end the affair by exposing it. It is a path that may come back to divorce anyway and you'd have to be willing to risk losing her to take the appropriate steps to get her back. She then would have to completely step up and do the work of "fixing" this. It is also a path that will leave you and your relationship forever broken. You will have triggers, trust issues, reminders of this that will haunt you for eternity. Statistics would say that she will likely cheat again and that reconciling successfully has low chances of long term success.

If you want to divorce, you tell that you want her to be happy and she should go be with the OM. Let her go. If she is in the fog and bliss of the affair, you can probably get a more amicable divorce. If you go this route, you learn the lessons of this failure, work on yourself, and go find an awesome woman and live a happy life without relationship baggage. Soon enough when she latches on to new guy, he'll dump her and find the next married girl in the office to flirt with. Once you have the divorce locked in, revenge could be a dish served cold if desired, and you go to HR and blow up their jobs.

I've said this before but will say it again....there are literally billions of women in the world, why stay with the one that has done this to you.

My advice is to have some self respect and don't tolerate this kind of behavior. The woman you trusted and married has betrayed you and it is time to deliver consequences for that by divorcing her.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Nucking Futs said:


> *Absolutely under no circumstances should you proceed with the adoption. The only difference it will make will be to make you legally financially liable for him. Make sure if you pay any child support for him it's voluntary, not court ordered*.


QFT!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

TJW said:


> That, my friend, is problem #1, #2, #3, and #4. You need to get into a financial position from which you CAN AFFORD it, as well as your phone and your health insurance. Do not leave anything (ANYTHING) in her name. Take all you can into your own control.
> 
> If you need education and/or training to accomplish this, ask your attorney about your chances of getting spousal support from your wife for a few years to accomplish this purpose. Find an attorney who is not afraid of a fight, and who has no compunction about ripping her a new anal sphincter.
> 
> ...


I think the #1 priority should be to get out from under the same roof. If there's a way to force her to move, great. We don't really know who's been doing the lion's share of the job raising the kids, so he might not be prepared to take that on, but from what we know here, he's the better parent to do so. 

The mental health stuff is tough, having gone through hoops myself to get my wife and I taken care of for things that she brought into our marriage that affected things for 42 years. We were lucky; our HMO eventually came through. But if it didn't? Spending a few grand on getting yourself taken care of (therapy) is probably not something anyone would consider, when down on your luck. But it's probably the best investment many in his position could make.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Bm4rq222 said:


> Thank you for all the feedback. It gets a little tricky because of finances and things. We are both pretty much broke and there is no finances to go after. We both have careers and good jobs but we make enough to cover our bills and that's about it. We literally just resigned a lease in February for another year. My cell phone is in her name the cars are in her name but the bank accounts and electric and other bills are in mine. This being said everything of ours is intertwined. If i would file for divorce today I wouldnt have a car or a phone tomorrow. I have started seeing a psychologist but my health insurance is through her job! SO that being said in the State of Florida you cant get a legal separation. I have an appointment next week for a consult with an attorney. We are both civil at the moment with each other because we are trying to do what's best for the kids regardless of her choices. The guy she is seeing is not in a relationship he isnt married and as far as I know he does not have a girlfriend or anybody for me to expose him to. They do work in the same facility just on different floors. I could blow them up at their job but I am not trying to turn this into an ugly custody battle. My 9 year old is not biologically mine. I have been in his life since he was 3. He has my lsat name and we were talking about me legally adopting him before this all blew up. She says she will still let me adopt him because I look at him as one of my own children. As it sits right now we have agreed to stay in the house together for a year and take that time to split everything up. I don't know if that's just me trying to hang on to something but at the same time I can't afford to up and find a new place that thats half way decent for me and the kids/kid. We would also have to find places somewhat in the same area because I am not taking anything less then 50% custody and she wants the same.


We are all well aware of the excuses and obstacles - 90% on this group have been through the whole thing, with differing results.

IMO, you just learnt not to be so gullible about what's in whose name in the future - your name is on all the responsibilities and debts that are consumed; hers are on all the assets and longer term investments ... you got taken in there. Hoprfully doesn't end up like my friend, they lived off his wage (mortgage, expenses, car hp), and banked/invested hers for holidays. When they went on a small holiday, she got cheapest deals she could (which is reasonable) and he liked to "not freeload" so he paid for the meals, drinks, tickets to trivial entertainment. She had borrowed a car through a friend, so he paid petrol. 12 years later, all the investments and the balance in her bank account vanished, and she suddenly wanted a divorce and half of the communal assets.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Go total "180".

This means, basically to go completely cold on her. 

Don't even talk to her unless necessary for kid stuff, or house business.
Don't plead with her. 
Essentially, reject her right back. Instead of moving toward her, emotionally distance yourself.
Do not even make eye contact.
Don't fold one item of her clothes - let hers sit in a pile while you fold yours.
Cook food for yourself and kids, not her.
If she cooks, don't eat the food she makes (this one really stings them).
Don't do anything courteous, but also don't be mean. You treat her like a acquaintance you aren't particularly fond of.
Make plans without her. Make sure she's aware of them, subtly.

Show her (without telling her) that you will reciprocate in the rejection. That you get the picture, and as a result, will not be a part of her life except for the most routine of things that you have to take care of for the house/kids.

Show her zero love, zero feeling.

When you leave the house, if she asks where you are going or what you'll be doing, just say, "seeing some friends, not sure for how long". And close the door.

You do this as long as possible, until one of two things happen. 1) she breaks, or 2) you move forward with the divorce.

And even if 1) happens, you aren't obligated to do anything for her. But maybe she'll win you back, only if you want her back. If you want her back, make her earn it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Here is some posts to give you some hope. 

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/consi...ion/371010-those-who-move-through-action.html

Life will go on, even if your marriage doesn't.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

when I was divorcing my utterly terrible ex-wife who cheated for years, I got very good advise from two sources. A lawyer i consulted and a female friend.

Make that cheater think you care about her future, her happiness?

Why? To convince her to be cooperative with your own fate.

it was worth a shot and I used the tactic. It helped. Get all the agreements signed and the divorce finalized in that vein.

As a follow up, if it does not work, definitely go as far as scorched Earth.

Oh, and my ex's motivation to be cooperative was my silence about her cheating ways.

Oops, I let everyone know right after the divorce was finalized. My extended family, hers, friends, our realtor for goshsakes,

She was furious and mortified that her secret life was revealed. She moved 1,500 miles away to hide her shame.

Win-win.

I've since remarried and as far as I can tell she is not dating in secret or openly--and I don't care.

Grieve for a bit and suck it, move on in strength.

Disentangle your life from hers.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Sir, an unrepentant cheater is not a safe spouse. Work out an agreement to stay on insurance, and separate finances as much as possible. One thing. This will not last. A single guy, taking on a divorcee with three children? Do you know how many young men we have had to counsel in this respect? Their parents and friends are generally apoplectic unless they are just dead out stupid. Taking on another man's kids? I can see this going nowhere fast. Maybe I am full of ****, however, seen more than my share of this bull.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Well Bm4rq222, brother, so sorry to be in this club: first lets get tested for STDs/STIs she has put you and your children at risk by her wayward ways. She didn't practice safe sex. 
Please start the 180 now, she is cake eating at the moment using you to reman in the home splitting the bills and the like. I know she is willing to let you adopt the eldest child. Doing this makes you financially responsible for him until he turns 18 at the minimum.
WW has to be made accountable for her actions, expose her ways to all family and friends, there are work ramifications as well being a work place affair. However; this could lead to her termination and you may be required to pay more alimony. 
Please start the 180 now, she has to contribute equally to the running of the abode this includes all bills, vehicle insurance internet, cable etc. Legally you do need to consult a few lawyers within your location know your rights as well as her responsibilities. 
May I ask how you came to find out about the A?

The truth will set you free.
Buffer


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Also Gabriel is 100% correct.
Buffer


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## Arkansas (Jan 30, 2020)

read this

all of it


the people here ... they'er giving solid advice overall on how these things often work ... you have to do this your way as I did it mine

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/new-m...dvice-similar-please-please.html#post20075313


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Bm4rq222 said:


> Hello, inhave recently found out that my wife is having an affair. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. We have 2 kids 9 and 4. I am fairly certain that we will not be able to work it out. She shows very little remorse and is still actively seeing someone. My world is upside down right now. This blind sided me out of left field. We had appointments to see a fertility doctor and plans for the future and now this. She finally took her wedding ring off after a week of seeing this guy. When should I take my ring off?? I know people are saying when I am ready but what if I am never ready. Do i just take it off and try to move on?


You must file on your WW.
Your marriage is over.
Wayward Women plan and start working on leaving months to years before you suspect it.

It's time to work on you and understand what and why this has happened.
Read "The Rational Male" become red pill aware.
Quit talking to her, show her with your actions you mean business.
After all the only thing you can fix is yourself.
https://therationalmale.com/2020/03/03/your-mission-her-mission/


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If she's going to openly cheat in front of you at home, make life miserable. She wants to cheat? She can go stand out on the patio to call her lover. If she flaunts it, tell the kids that mommy has a boyfriend and you're not supposed to have boyfriends when you're married. Don't own her crap.


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Just checking in on you. How are you doing?

How did the meeting with the lawyer go?

Good luck and stay strong


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

turnera said:


> If she's going to openly cheat in front of you at home, make life miserable. She wants to cheat? She can go stand out on the patio to call her lover. If she flaunts it, tell the kids that mommy has a boyfriend and you're not supposed to have boyfriends when you're married. Don't own her crap.



Although saying that to the kids would make him feel good, he wont be feeling good when he is chin deep in manure with CPS because she called them on him saying he was emotionally abusing them.

Just gives her lawyer ammo.

Work smarter, not harder.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

a_new_me said:


> Although saying that to the kids would make him feel good, he wont be feeling good when he is chin deep in manure with CPS because she called them on him saying he was emotionally abusing them.
> 
> Just gives her lawyer ammo.
> 
> ...


But there are age appropriate ways of telling children the truth in a way that is not liable to be used by her lawyers.


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Just checking in on you. How are you doing?

Did you ever have that meeting with the lawyer?


Stay strong, and good luck.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> But there are age appropriate ways of telling children the truth in a way that is not liable to be used by her lawyers.


I agree, however being “stuck in the middle” aware of laws and such, there is a massive difference between how things are done in the US than GB.

The tele says it all...”Injured in a car, call William ***”.

Barely anyone in NA deals with an issue by going for a pint at the local or putting on a brew. They lawyer up, sadly. 


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