# Just venting.. Online dating is ego crushing..



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Look its no big secret I have a very hard time being alone..

I broke up with the ExGF.. I do start to say bargaining statements but realize what I'm saying.. Again it's just the depression talking.. BTW Bargaining statements are things you say to rationalize something not right. EG maybe I should have kept my mouth shut about other guys. Just for those that don't know what I meant about bargaining statements..

But I tried OLD again and I tell you seeing the statement unread deleted is ego crushing on top of everything else.. 

I know it's a numbers game for men.. 

But part of me is upset as well because I know the ExGF is on there and all she has to do is say yes or no.. Nutshell she can go on all the dates she wants and with whomever she wants.. Whereas I am not that fortunate.. 

Again I get it... But doesn't mean I have to like it.. 

I'm hoping the new job will keep me busy and my mind off all this stuff for a bit more..


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

I hear you dude. I would skip online dating all together. It's not worth it and typically filled with unhealthy people.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

OLD takes a lot of parience. Male or female you deal with a lot of rejection. But keep in mind you don't know what's going on in someone else's life. They may have just met someone else they are interested in and had 4 dates already. Or they are unreasonably fussy, or don't get the humor in your profile. In which case it's good the t hey don't respond. They're not right for you 

What happened with ex girlfriend? Was she the one who didn't respect boundaries?


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

On the one stupid site I must have enrolled on, I could not even read or send messages without paying. So what is the point? When I finally paid a onetime fee, I had messages back to March. I may not have ignored them at the time, if they had come in one by one, but 100 was too overwhelming. I don't understand why a site would even allow you to sign up if you can't acknowledge messages without paying. Now I feel bad, as all of those men probably thought I just ignored them, when I generally at least send a reply.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

SARAHMCD said:


> What happened with ex girlfriend? Was she the one who didn't respect boundaries?


Correct.. 

I ended it.. There isn't a single here or anywhere, including my therapist that thought she was good.. My therapist even apologized after telling me to get rid of her.. 

Just feeling the loneliness right now..


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Dude, I will tell you something right now and I want you to never forget it.


You are unique. There is no competition. There is nobody else like you. Embrace your loneliness for once. Get over being with people. Until you are so content with yourself that you actually forget your alone at home, the time is not right. 

And if there is he's probably in China in some **** little chicken wire house and he can go **** himself anyways. 

Everything will come to you in due time, when you are ready and when you aren't looking. It's true. I never believed it, but that's how it always happens.

I'm still looking, but not as attached as I was before.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

"Online dating is ego crushing"

yes it is.

As for loneliness, even if OLD worked for guys like you and me and the other 80% to get first dates it would do nothing at all to ease the pain of loneliness because that emotion actually has nothing to do with relationships with other people but our relationship with ourselves. Loneliness comes not from being absent from another's company but rather the absence of a live connection, and even in my current fulfilling relationship there are days my GF and I are just not connected and the feeling of loneliness can rush right in.

There are also some days when I'm very well connected and just want some alone time, so be careful what you ask for seeking a relationship! Thankfully my GF and I are alike this way and understand each other well so there is no insecurity and when we are connected we don't have to spend time trying to figure out a problem that may or may not exist - we just be together.

Oh and BTW I didn't meet my GF on any dating site. Mutual friends is usually the only way to meet credible individuals, so make more casual friends and try to connect with them, and look forward to meeting their friends etc.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Man, there is no way to subject myself to OLD. Tip my hat to the brave folks who have tried it.


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## running late (Jul 30, 2015)

I have tried it. So far, it has led me to a best friend, a marathon training group and my first helicopter ride. I've had several first dates with nice men who just weren't what I want in a relationship. I have decided that it's not for me, at this time. It is a great way to meet people, with common interests. Unfortunately, the last time I signed up, my sister's ex husband hit on me . Hard. I was mortified and deleted my profile. My opinion : If you have shared family Christmases with someone on a dating site, it's probably best not to contact them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

running late said:


> Unfortunately, the last time I signed up, my sister's ex husband hit on me . Hard. I was mortified and deleted my profile. My opinion : If you have shared family Christmases with someone on a dating site, it's probably best not to contact them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:surprise:


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I signed up for OLD. What I have found is that if I am busy, then I don't have time for OLD. Instead of looking at as ego crushing, be happy that the women who deleted your messages without reading them have self selected themselves as not being the right woman for you. They did your job for you! Yes your ex MAY be able to say yes or no, but then she has to deal with sorting thru the the whole haystack to possibly find the needle. You may also want to review your view of your Ex's experience on OLD - it sounds a lot like one of those bargaining statements you mentioned earlier!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

After seeing your other thread, I suggest you stay away from ANY dating for a while. You have to be happy all be yourself before you can be truly happy WITH someone. Noone should have the responsibility of making someone ELSE happy.


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## running late (Jul 30, 2015)

I haven't read your other posts, but you started off this thread with something about not liking being alone. It sounds cliché, but I really believe you need to learn to enjoy your own company. It sounds hard, at first. Trust me, it gets easier. Rushing from one relationship to another is what caused my heart break. I had to break the pattern and I am really enjoying my life, finally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

H2H..... would you rather be alone or with your xg/f and feel like you are walking on pins and needles?

She sounded exactly like proudwidaddy's x g/f. Sadly he never posted anything about it here but I heard

the back story in detail. Trust me.... you are MUCH better off without her. Who cares if she has four 

dates a week.... who cares if she sleeps with all of them. "When it's over..... it's over. Doesn't matter if she

sells it on a corner or gives it away. It's over...." Always remember that saying.

As for OLD..... make it a point to only email 1-2 people a day and ONLY the ones you really have

interest in. Try to stay away from emailing 

10-15-20 a day for a week.... even if you get responses from 10% have fun cleaning up the mess

of emails you will have.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

running late said:


> ...Unfortunately, the last time I signed up, my sister's ex husband hit on me . Hard. I was mortified and deleted my profile. My opinion : If you have shared family Christmases with someone on a dating site, it's probably best not to contact them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A lot of people don't always include face pics or personally identifiable information for privacy reasons. When I was looking to date online soon after my divorce I contacted a couple women which I later found out were my exes close friends (whom also happened to be her affair enablers). Did your sisters exH know it was you when they contacted you online?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> After seeing your other thread, I suggest you stay away from ANY dating for a while. You have to be happy all be yourself before you can be truly happy WITH someone. Noone should have the responsibility of making someone ELSE happy.


You are correct. You have got to learn to be ok with you first. One trait that many women will tell you is sexy on a man is confidence. If you are uncomfortable being alone believe me it shows. Dating with any objective other than just having a good time and meeting other people shows aso. Once you give all that up and just decide you're going to be you I think you'll find it amazing how much easier dating becomes. I have been successful at online dating because i put no pressure on it nor do I have expectations. I have been told that confidence comes through when I first go to meet someone.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> You are correct. You have got to learn to be ok with you first. One trait that many women will tell you is sexy on a man is confidence. If you are uncomfortable being alone believe me it shows. Dating with any objective other than just having a good time and meeting other people shows aso. Once you give all that up and just decide you're going to be you I think you'll find it amazing how much easier dating becomes. I have been successful at online dating because i put no pressure on it nor do I have expectations. I have been told that confidence comes through when I first go to meet someone.


This is exactly it. I didnt have a problem with OLD. I made sure I didnt agonize over anything/anyone. Its supposed to be enjoyable. If not, move on. Afterall, it was at least better than being married to the cheating XW. I would much rather be alone for the rest of my life than have to go through that again.


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## running late (Jul 30, 2015)

Lon said:


> A lot of people don't always include face pics or personally identifiable information for privacy reasons. When I was looking to date online soon after my divorce I contacted a couple women which I later found out were my exes close friends (whom also happened to be her affair enablers). Did your sisters exH know it was you when they contacted you online?



Yes. I had ignored a couple of messages from him. I  didn't recognize him until he addressed me, by my name. I replied when I realized it was my former brother in law. I thought we would just exchange a couple of friendly, catching up emails. He had other ideas.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

running late said:


> Yes. I had ignored a couple of messages from him. I didn't recognize him until he addressed me, by my name. I replied when I realized it was my former brother in law. I thought we would just exchange a couple of friendly, catching up emails. He had other ideas.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sad to say that creepiness isn't just an online dating thing. My former brother-in-law hit on me (hard) a couple of times - while I was still married, and the brother-in-law bit wasn't "former" but "current".......

:slap:


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