# Porn, Affair, and Divorce - oh my



## herblackwings (May 16, 2013)

I'm new here but have been browsing for many months. Current situation: I'm 35 W is 30 Married 8 together 10 - we have two kids - 6 and 4

Wife had an EA for at least 2 years and turned to PA last year. I've been looking at adult vids for 25 years and substituted them heavily due to her LD - starting about 4 or 5 years ago. Truth told I've never been happy with her low LD. So I take care of my own. The thing is, that became way easier than pushing several buttons and trying to make her in the mood. She says I have an addiction. We tried MC a few different times. It helped but I think it just prolonged the inevitable.

We typically cycle from bad to good times. The good time frame shortened over the years. She confessed to the PA. I confessed to using adult vids as my go to instead of her. She viewed this as an affair and lies and i'm not who she married.

So threats of divorce by both of us happened for a while. We tried to work through things. During the past few months while we were working on things she continued with the OM confessing to kissing and nothing more. AFter many talks we agreed to collaborative divorce. I moved out. Kids are split about 50/50 right now. 

Up until last week she really wanted me to work on things and I told her I wasn't interested. By work on things she means for me to change and quit looking at that stuff, become more emotionally attached, caring, loving, romantic, and show more affection. I've been emotionally detached for at least 3 years. A few days ago she said she is 100% done and doesn't want anything to do with me (other than the kids). 

My dilemma - am I making the wrong choice. Somedays I feel happy to be on my own. Other days I think - is this a ginormous mistake I'm about to make? Many qualities she has I'd look for in someone else. But right now I dont think I'd really be interested in any woman. I just want to be solo for a long time - with maybe a casual date here and there. But I think about the kids and it sort of freaks me out - no family vacation memories, no family memories, etc... Plus this is the jealous part of me - I know that OM and her will be together pretty fast after it's final.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Let her go.

Find you a high drive woman. 

OM is still around? There's your answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

You both need some time apart from each other, only time will tell how you really feel. I think your too close to the situation still to be making emotional decsions with the anger and resentment you both have in place currently. Try no contact for a week, or a month, and see how you feel.

Your gonna hold on to too much resentment thou, as long as the OM is the picture.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Sounds like she's not really LD..at least not with PosOM.

She is already detached from you if she is still with him. Her attempts to reconcile, whilst still effing OM, is just her attempt to continue her cake-eating ways. It's not genuine.

Stay detached. Work on you. Your kids are young. You may find another, more respectable lady who could make a fantastic step-mom.

So don't rule out future family vacations, etc. They just won't be with your cheating X.

Personally, my step-mom was a fantastic influence on me.


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## herblackwings (May 16, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Sounds like she's not really LD..at least not with PosOM.
> 
> She is already detached from you if she is still with him. Her attempts to reconcile, whilst still effing OM, is just her attempt to continue her cake-eating ways. It's not genuine.
> 
> ...



Thanks everyone - we'll be filing in the next month. Oh well - thought I'd give it one more half hearted attempt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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