# Priorities a$$ backwards



## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

I've been reading a lot of threads on here and have found a lot of good advice. I wasn't going to post my story because most stories on here are in the same ball park. Then I decided I needed so much needed advice towards my direct story.

*Round one*
Lets see back in December of 2011 my W decided things were not working out, mainly my fault and I can accept that because I was being distant and confused about what i wanted. Shortly after she left I quickly realized that being married to her and keeping our marriage healthy for our daughter was what i wanted. Unfortunately she had moved on with life and decided to pursue a divorce. The mean and hateful things i heard out of her mouth about how she loves me but isn't in love with me was devastating. Took 3 months of me giving it all i had and a mixture of the 180 plan to get her back.

*Round Two*
March 7th 2012 I was at arm wrestling practice and snapped my humerus bone clean in half. It messed up the radial Nerve and is still messed up. I was put on disability and have had a lot of stress placed on myself. Things slowly started to slip away again. Let me go ahead and share this to. We are 24 and 22 years old with a little girl over a year old. We live in a 450SQFT apartment above my parents garage. TENSIONS GET HIGH!!! Anyways about 3 weeks ago she hooked up with an old friend who has been cheating on her husband and recently left as well. ( she use to hate this girl because of it ) Now all of a sudden she wants to party and be single and now she is gone saying the same stuff as the first time. She moved back in with her parents and they are fed up with her actions and told her she has to move out. She barley makes any money and cant even afford to help me with daycare. She is being so selfish and dumb it baffles my mind. Will she regret this decision? How long will it take until her realizing that being single and partying isn't what life is about?

*Knock Out Punch*
Now I'm completely devastated. I cant eat I cant sleep I cant think I cant do anything. My arm is all jacked up and I lost 25 pounds of muscle and i look weak and now i feel weak emotionally. Kick me while I'm down. I decided yesterday to start the 180 plan for myself. Today she came to pick up the baby and noticed my shortness. SHE NEVER wants to talk about the situation and today she sat on the bed and said, "do you really think we could make it work". My response because of the 180. Your not here to talk about us I got things to do. Then she left. Then i went against my self and sent a text later telling her yes I do think we can make it work. Never got a text back. I THINK I SCREWED UP ANY PROGRESS!!!!!
*
Conclusion*
THIS YEAR F'ING SUCKS!!! ANY ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS ALL!!! O AND SORRY ITS KINDA LONG.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

I don't think the 180 involves being a ****. You could have simply said, do you? Next time she opens up, don't fold your hand, but ask a simple question to observe what she is thinking.


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

You are right about that. I do admit that i probably should have taken that opp. to talk about it. I do know where it would have lead. Me begging her to stay and her walking back out.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think the lesson learned is stop begging for the marriage, and be open minded so that you can play her games.

Make a plan and work the plan. So start with working on a marriage that is wokable. Your chick wants the marriage but is she will to do the heavy lifting. And I'm not talking about lib service I'm talking about real actions that show you and her perants that she can commit.

Dude I think you did fine, she can ask all she wants, but at the end of the day is she going to stay home at night? Is she going to continue to hang around toxic friends? Can she stop texting all her boyfriend and pay attention to her kid when she has him/her.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

the guy said:


> I think the lesson learned is stop begging for the marriage, and be open minded so that you can play her games.
> 
> Make a plan and work the plan. So start with working on a marriage that is wokable. Your chick wants the marriage but is she will to do the heavy lifting. And I'm not talking about lib service I'm talking about real actions that show you and her perants that she can commit.
> 
> Dude I think you did fine, she can ask all she wants, but at the end of the day is she going to stay home at night? Is she going to continue to hang around toxic friends? Can she stop texting all her boyfriend and pay attention to her kid when she has him/her.


If you don't mind reading my last 5 posts, that would be great! Do you think I was in the wrong for what I said yesterday to the W?


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

the guy said:


> I think the lesson learned is stop begging for the marriage, and be open minded so that you can play her games.
> 
> Make a plan and work the plan. So start with working on a marriage that is wokable. Your chick wants the marriage but is she will to do the heavy lifting. And I'm not talking about lib service I'm talking about real actions that show you and her perants that she can commit.
> 
> Dude I think you did fine, she can ask all she wants, but at the end of the day is she going to stay home at night? Is she going to continue to hang around toxic friends? Can she stop texting all her boyfriend and pay attention to her kid when she has him/her.


You are right on point. I need to stick with my plan. She gets on track with being mommy and a wife but is so easily pulled off because she feels like she missed out being pregnant at 21. So now she feels she needs to be single and live life. When my life is my wife and kid who cares about partying. How does that come before us? So crazy.


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

Trying to stick to ignoring her but once again I broke down. I texted her asking to kiss our daughter goodnight and asked if i could have her tmw. Even though I just gave her to her today. So hard to stop communication.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

Orange1 said:


> Trying to stick to ignoring her but once again I broke down. I texted her asking to kiss our daughter goodnight and asked if i could have her tmw. Even though I just gave her to her today. So hard to stop communication.


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

Conrad&Janie said:


>


????


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

Well today didn't quite go as planned. I cant seem to keep myself from calling and texting her and when I dont get the answer im looking for I freak out. Not sure whats next she keeps saying she has got her papers from the court and now I need to get some?? She has agreed to go to dinner with my mom to talk about somethings. ( not my idea my mom wants to try and talk to her ). Maybe thats a positive or maybe thats when she tells my mom to convince me that its over. They always had a very strong relationship so we will see what happens.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

That's the lumberyard, it's where you go to get smacked with 2x4s when you break NC.

You need to stop contacting her.

Also, you REALLY need to stop 'freaking out' when you don't get the 'response' you want.

Really? Do you think that's the kind of person she wants to come back to?


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

UpnDown said:


> That's the lumberyard, it's where you go to get smacked with 2x4s when you break NC.
> 
> You need to stop contacting her.
> 
> ...



I have put together a plan and have been doing good so far. I read the stop your divorce by homer mcdonald and he had some good points. Some I think are a litte aggresive and not if if they would actually work but just push her farther away.


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

So its been a while since I ve posted to my thread. There has been a lot of ups and downs since then. My mom and her remain somewhat close so they went to dinner to talk about things and catch up. She stated she was not going to be in a rush and plans to give it time to see what she wants. A couple days later she wants to go to the park with our daughter and talk. As we talk it becomes evident that shes confused back and forth about what she wants. Then we go to dinner and she wants me to comfort her because shes cold. Then we get home and we kiss then she leaves. The next day she said she kissed me because she felt obligated to lol. Time passes I'm still being the pathetic begger trying to make things work. Finally this weekend we were suppose to go out one night and she decides it wasnt a good idea anymore. So that was enough for me to start my 180 plan and move on. Now everytime we talk she says I'm an *******. I asked how and she said she can just tell. What ever that means. Now I have found out shes helping my mom cook dinner wed. night at our house. Im so confused and dont know what to do. probably stick to the 180 and go from there.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

i was in a similar situation and got sick of the emotional roller coaster. i told him i wanted 1 month of nc and then we could sit down and talk and figure out what we wanted to do at that point. during this time, i became strong and confident in myself again and was really able to reflect and see what we each did to breakdown our relationship without anger or rose colored glasses. i now feel like no matter what happens, i will be just fine. our talk is tomorrow, so i'll let you know if it works!


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## Orange1 (Jul 7, 2012)

lulubelle said:


> i was in a similar situation and got sick of the emotional roller coaster. i told him i wanted 1 month of nc and then we could sit down and talk and figure out what we wanted to do at that point. during this time, i became strong and confident in myself again and was really able to reflect and see what we each did to breakdown our relationship without anger or rose colored glasses. i now feel like no matter what happens, i will be just fine. our talk is tomorrow, so i'll let you know if it works!


Yes please let me know how things go and good luck. I am too sick of the roller coaster and trying to better myself.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

no contact really saved me from going totally insane. i'll let ya'll know tomorrow how it goes for sure. keep working on yourself!


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