# Fighting For Love



## onelove9371 (Aug 22, 2012)

Hello All....

I am a new member to "Talk About Marriage", and after a few weeks of just reading about the issues in which others are enduring, I decided to write about my own in order to seek insight from others which have fought for their relationships or have been defeated.

My story began in December 2010, during the time I began dating my now fiance'. Our situations were similar, as during the time I was taking space away from my previous girlfriend and her previous boyfriend was serving time in prison. Our relationship was an instant spark, as we both felt that we had finally came across what we had never experienced before, which was "more than the usual". We spent majority of our time working, as we both are workaholics, but the remaining was spent with one another, finding different ways to enjoy life. Our relationship was built on compatability, friendship, and honesty. However several months into our relationship, I found myself still doing the things I promised that I wouldnt do....communication with other women via text, internet, etc....random dates...and worst of all random affairs with my ex-girfriend....During this time, she ask me if I am doing various things, and I would deny them...but little did I know, she had knowledge of all my activity, but she wanted me to be honest and man-up to my wrongdoing. The situation turned ugly as my current and ex had several conversations exposing my actions throughout the relationship and one had a physical altercation with one another while me and the current were out in public. After several confrontations about my actions, she decided that had had enough. 

It was during our time apart that a dear friend helped me better myself by introducing me to a 40 day surrender spiritual fast which brought alot of things to light. It helped me to establish a relationship with God...acknowledge and address alot of personal issues within myself...commitment issues...and most importantly realize that for the first time in life I was "in love". From that point on, I decided to express my feelings, emotions, and allow my actions to show what my words couldnt....After a few months we were back together and things we going well until she saw a text thread of me and a former female friend, in addition to recent conversations with my ex....Despite that there was no intent of us hooking up, it was the principle that she felt that my loyalty was with my ex, after she was involved in an altercation because of me....

To make a long story short...in May we started to try again, with me doing everything I could to show her how I truly felt and how I wanted to make her feel the way she made me feel since the beginning of this relationship, which was special. So in July, I built up the courage to purchase the engagement ring that she had always desired and she said yes, but a few days later she said that she needed time to think about because she felt as though she still does not trust me, feels as if she is forcing herself to want this to work, and that she cannot let go of the past. I know that we both love one another, and deep down I know that there is a small % of her that wants to fight for this, but she is very prideful, stubborn, and doesnt want to feel like a fool if I were to ever make a mistake again....And to prove it she decided on Sunday that she could no longer proceed with the engagement....but deep down I know that she is making these decisions with her mind as opposed to her heart....so curious to know, where to go from here....


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Sounds like you've got a lot of growing up to before you commit to a serious relationship. If this girl is as wonderful as you say she is then let her go so she can find a man with morales and values who doesn't continually break her trust and her heart.


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## onelove9371 (Aug 22, 2012)

I believe that prior to our separation, I did have alot of growing up to do. I had no clue as to what went into a "commitment", and unfortunately, I learned all these things at the expense of another individual heart. But I checked myself back in January, and committed to attempting to right my wrongs and give this woman everything she was worth. And for the past 8 months thats what I have done...I have not engaged in any of my old ways and havent had a desire to....I spoke with my ex on a few occasions to speak about peace and moving on in our own lives, separate from one another. I know what I want from this relationship and have spent everyday showing this in actions...whether it be thru a text to say im thinking of u....whether its flowers delivered just because....whether its a hand written poem mailed to her....I skipped the 180 and did a 360 to prove that I value u this situation more than the next man will, despite the mistakes Ive made...


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

The 180 wouldn't apply in your situation at all. After your awakening you still chose to talk to exes. You are articulating your case quite well unfortunately I still stand by my "You've got some growing up to do before a serious commitment" statement. 

And calling her stubborn and thinking with her mind instead of heart??? She's not stubborn just protecting herself from future hurt after being burned by you several times. And thinking with her mind over her heart is the smartest thing she could possibly do right now. 

I could pick your entire post apart. Your logic is well very off let's just say. Probably not in general just in the way you view your situation. I stand by what I said previously, leave her be before you cause more heartache.


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## onelove9371 (Aug 22, 2012)

I was not referring to the 180 degree program that I see others refer to on here...I was speaking on acknowledging my own faults and addressing both in my personal life as well as relationship. I expect for you to stand firm by your advice as there is alot of other that I have not mentioned that we both have dealt with previously in our personal lives. In addition, I am not trying to patronize myself as not being at fault, just rather an individual that is a believer in change, and if that didnt exist, then neither would this forum for those who have made such changes in their lives. I do greatly appreciate your opinion, as I wanted the unbias opinon of others, but I also know that I have put 110% into changing my morals, behaviors, and perspective in order to reconciling this relationship, and will continue to do so until the advised by the man above...


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