# Anyone feel this way??



## damonstar (Oct 28, 2011)

How do the fellas out there feel about it when they call/text their SO and it takes forever to get a response, and when SO do answer back or pick up the phone its no big deal to them. Does this happen to anyone or is it just me bieng a needy wuss and making mountains out of mole hills? Ladies should this bother a man? Is it a turn off if it does please advise?...:scratchhead:


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

How long is it taking her? 
Have you asked her why it takes so long? 
Are you married? 
If my man takes a long time I worry.. But then I ask and he has a legit reason and I feel silly. But glad I asked, because there's no resentment for later.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Sorry, not a fella, hope it's ok that I answer anyway. I work full time and have clients in my office some of the time. I can't say "excuse me paying client, but my husband wants to know what we should have for dinner". The same goes for my H, he doesn't always pick up or answer me right away and I don't worry. If it's urgent we say in our text or voicemail that it's urgent.

So I guess my answer to you is, has she given you any reason to think you should worry about why she doesn't answer sooner, and are you asking her things that are important that you get an answer to sooner? If no, then you might be making too much of it. If yes, then be honest with her about it and see if she can do better.


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## damonstar (Oct 28, 2011)

No problem at all. Love a woman's opinion on this. Yes we are in fact married going on two years now we have had our issues but I've never been given a reason to think she would be unfaithful to me. She does have a Full plate she works full time and we have three kid's here at home and 4 total when my daughter from previous relationship comes. I really think I am just over thinking this issueA little too much and need to man up about it some, just gets old when an hour goes by andMy txt isn't answered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My hubby is in construction and maybe be climbing on a roof or nailing board up in the wind or driving (it illegal here to talk on a cell phone when driving and hubby doesn't like his handsfree gear) so i don't panic if he doesn't answer straight off. We have a system where if i just want to say "hi" or the like I leave a voice mail but if it's an emergency i ring back straight away and then hubby would know it was an emergency...which is very rare.
Would that help in your situation OP?


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## damonstar (Oct 28, 2011)

Chelle I hate to admit it but I think It may in fact be a reflection of my insecurities. 
I have no idea why, she has always been good to me and never given me a reason
to feel this way it actually drives me nuts that I do. I guess I'm letting my insecurities
Get to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I sometimes don't answer my h's calls.... but usually because I'm oblivious of them. Like the phone is in my bag, or still at home upstairs on the dresser, or in my pocket but I swear I never felt it vibrate! He's gotten used to it. Frustrating for him I guess, but he sees that I am not intentionally snubbing. He used to leave messages like "Hello phone impaired wife.... glad I'm not lying in a ditch somewhere..." I found them comical, I think he was kind of serious at the time. I try to remember to actually check the phone now and then.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

damonstar said:


> No problem at all. Love a woman's opinion on this. Yes we are in fact married going on two years now we have had our issues but I've never been given a reason to think she would be unfaithful to me. She does have a Full plate she works full time and we have three kid's here at home and 4 total when my daughter from previous relationship comes. I really think I am just over thinking this issueA little too much and need to man up about it some, just gets old when an hour goes by andMy txt isn't answered.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ya in that case I don't think I'd get worked up over an hour. Sometimes work and kids get in the way. If it's important call or text again, if not just give her a little longer and I'm sure she'll get back to you as soon as she can.

I try to answer my husband as quickly as I can, but sometimes it's one thing after another and I just can't. I know he feels that same way.


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## ozwang (Aug 11, 2011)

If she's at work, I don't expect a reply at all until knock off time (works in a hospital)

If its the weekend and she's out and about without me, or night time during the week, if I don'r get a reply within a short while I do wonder what is happening...

I can be a tad over protective sometimes, and it has gone into overdrive since she's now carrying our baby


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Well before the affair, I never gave a rats petute. I mean people don't always have their phones with them, or are available to chat 24/7.

I'm at work and in meetings or working, so I told my wife she can call whenever she wants, if I don't answer, don't call again unless it's an emergency. If she just wants to ask a question she can either wait or send me a text and I'll do my best to respond. She abused the privilege twice and I stepped out of important meetings to answer her trivial questions. I let her know pretty firmly not to call me unless she was about to call 911.

For her, it was never a big deal even when she was out with friends. Post-affair, I get pretty paranoid if she's not answering. Especially if she's later than expected. She's been really good about answering or calling me right back if she doesn't.


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## damonstar (Oct 28, 2011)

@MAEPT10 I feel exactly what you mean. Same issue with my wife, she says at work they cant have there phones out or use them because the office manager doesnt allow it. Then i find out she'll sneak to bathroom and send quick text to her sis or call to her mom for whos knows what. Im like what the hell you can pull that off but no chance to respond to me. What pisses me off most is i am hardly home. I work full time and have school mon thru friday evenings, so im out of the house by 7am and not back til around 10pm. Then i try on saturdays to find any little side work i can for the extra cash (finantually this year killed us) so im like what the hell im hardly around souldnt you want to talk/txt me any chance you get?? She says that she always has her mind on me and the kids and the house and its alot on her plate with three kids, a home, full time job and the hubby alwasy away but she knows that i will be home at night to sleep next to her and that whats she looks foward to "our" time so i dont know. I know it is alot for her and i appriciate her support while im trying to get through school to better oiur future, so i guess maybe i just need to lighten up and stop acting like a baby...


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## StStephen65 (Dec 13, 2011)

MAEPT10 said:


> I'm a guy, and this drives me nuts too. My wife works for herself and has clients all the time when she is at work. So I know her response time is a bit longer usually. However there are days I'm more pissed than others. Days when all I get are "things to do" texts, no "hi, how is your day". Days when I'll say at the end of the day, "hun I texted you today, why didn't you write me back?" She'll say "I had clients hun, I was working." This drives me nuts becuase 9 times out of 10 she would have had at least 5 minutes in between someone or has been texting other friends during the day. I know she does, she has a texting addiction LOL. Even if she is not texting, if she gets a free minute she'll check the phone to see if anyone texted her or check anything. I mean literally even just a minute... she'll pick up her phone if we are in the middle of a movie at home and I say I have to take a piss, she will pick up the phone that we agreed we would put down in order to have some "us" time while I go to the bathroom.
> 
> So yes, this is super annoying when you don't get a timely response or anything.
> 
> The other thing I hate is when I write something to her, or ask her a specific question and then her response is later as usual, not a problem there, but she doesn't answer the question...she comes back with something totally out of left field.. maybe like a chore or an errand she would like me to help with. It's like, what the hell happened to the question I asked you?


I totally understand and dont like it either. THe not any "hi hows your day" kind of stuff bugs me. Have been experimenting the last couple weeks. Its always been me who initiates contact during the day, asking how she is. I stopped. Now, I dont get much of anything except "what time will you be home...."


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## StStephen65 (Dec 13, 2011)

MAEPT10 said:


> I hear ya. I think my goal is going to be starting tomorrow (I already texted her today) is to just not be the first person to start any communication unless its absolutely necessary. If it can wait until we are both home, I will wait on it. And if I do not get a pleasant message first before a chore or errand, I will simply write back "hi how are you doing?" and make her have to resend that chore with some pleasantries too. Or a "when will you be home?" I don't think I will even answer those all the time. I want her to wonder about me, like I do about her.


Yea, but watch out and dont get petty. In my mind, its not a pissing match or who can hold out longest to make contact during the day. I've been feeling very unappreciated for a while. So this is a little experiment I am running, sort of testing, well, does she? Or is life boiling down to "get milk" "did you call bank" "pick son up at so and so's" and that kind of stuff.

Some ppl arent all into the technology and feel maybe text is not a "real" avenue of communication. The way my wife texts, emails and uses her phone, she is not one of them. So I know its not a technological bias.

What do I intend to learn or prove? I dont really know. Someone has to start a conversation, live or by text. Seems its always me. So, if I stop for a while, what sort of dialog gets initiated from the other side?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Long delays in texting were the initial indications (in retrospect) of my wife's affair(s). I would be concerned depending on the circumstances.


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## damonstar (Oct 28, 2011)

Oh how i know how you fellas fell. Ive tried today havent talked or texted her at all since i left this morning and its now 2pm here and havent heard a peep out of her... pisses me off  i know damn well she has had to have a lunch break by now and it just makes me feel unappriciated that she wont bother to initiante with even a qwik text to see how i am (ive had a killer head cold for like three days) even while she goes to pee or something this drives me insane!!! I feel like a dog that just sitting in the back of the shelter just waiting for some attention.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

oh, seriously?

Jeeze.. lighten up. Your wife, I suppose, isnt constantly monitoring you.

Is it simple mindless prattle, or do you actually have something important that you are 'texting'.

Not trying to belittle your feelings on this, but seems to me you are a bit... uhm. A bit needy perhaps?


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## damonstar (Oct 28, 2011)

@anotherguy no worries i agree and i hate feeling needy. In the previous relationship i had with my daughters mother i was far from this. I dont know why i get like this with my current wife, i hate feeling this way. She actually just called and we spoke for awhile had a great convo, i held my cool and didnt say anything regarding my feeling towards the matter. She said work was super busy and she hadnt really eaten lunch because she says her stomach has been upset today. Its crazy though because after we got off the phone i feel fine now no upset feeling or anything. I even kind of wish i could skip school this evening to head home and help her with the kiddos and things since her upset stomach and all but i have a mid term... What the hell is wrong with me, i feel like if i am just being a totally wuss about this and i hate it. i need/want to stop feeling so insecure! HELP!:scratchhead:


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

huh. Well at least you seem to have what seems like an objective view of it - thats healthy I would guess.

talk to her about it.

I dont think anything is 'wrong' with you. You need to find someone you can trust to talk about it though. Stress, fear..of what I cant say... but I bet you could if you are brutally honest with yourself?


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

yes it depends on what type of work she is doing during the day. I can't text all day that's for sure, but if I am out shopping ofcourse the response would be quicker


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## damonstar (Oct 28, 2011)

:iagree:


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