# Boyfriend, Pot & Dismissal



## Arctic (Nov 9, 2013)

I've been dating this guy for 5 years, When I started going out with him I never knew he did pot, When I found out I never really thought about it cause he only did it occasionally and never around me but then he started getting money and hanging out with old friends unfortunately it started to become very noticeable and I ended up telling him it was either me or the weed and obviously he went with me. Now 2 years later here I am and he moved out of his parents house in with his "friend" this "friend" of his smokes pot EVERY day and has severe aggression problems when he doesn't get it, anyways he's started doing it again and he won't listen to my concerns and just blows me off all the time and yesterday was his b-day I told him I'd be down at this time I get there and he's been smoking pot the moment he opened the door it came rushing out so I gave him his gift(I wanted to smash it) and I walked out. He called me said you want to go out for dinner but that's embarrassing to walk around with someone smelling like that. Now we aren't speaking and I'm starting to wonder should I pursue this relationship anymore or should I be walking away. He won't listen and he just tells me I'm brainwashed but I have an expectation for my life and I plan to have my life that way and theres no room for pot or someone who does it. I can do the whole it's me or the pot again but would that be fair? I can live with it if he promises me he'd never do it again when we buy a house together but I can't live with him if that's what he wants to do with his life. Can't & Won't. Who has some advice on how to approach this subject without him shutting me out and down?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Don't you have a thread stating you are married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

He is not going to change. What you see is what you get. 

Your bf is not he person you want him to be. You cannot change him.


Arctic said:


> Who has some advice on how to approach this subject without him shutting me out and down?


The only thing you can do is to set clear boundaries for yourself. And if he continues to cross your boundaries then you stop seeing him.

So you say something to him like: “I am not willing to have a relationship with a pot head. If you ever decide to give it up and are clean for 6 months I’ll consider dating you. Until then, don’t contact me.”

Then you have to stick by it.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

You accepted it even thought you didn't like it. He continues to smoke and you are still his girlfriend. You threatened to leave and didn't. He is reacting to what you are doing, not what you are saying because you don't mean it. You say you don't like something and then you continue to tolerate it being done to you. Your actions say this is not a deal breaker for you. It it were you wouldn't still be in a relationship with you. He doesn't have a problem. He is fine the way his life is. No you...have a decision to make.


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