# Tips to improve my sex life?



## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

Well,it's pretty none existent at the moment. Even OH has stopped making passes and suggesting it. We have got into a routine of him giving me oral til I climax, then him (or me) masturbating himself til he's climaxed. That's "making love" for us. Satisfying cos it's better than nothing, but not good enough really is it?

Penetration hurts. I think we've avoided it so much over the years, that I'm still very tight. I don't produce much lubrication and even if I use lube (like KY Jelly) it just seems to dry up. I've used Replense and that seems to be good, but it causes me to produce milky white bits (yuck) I think I'm allergic to condoms (maybe the latex, so I will try latex free) Even so, penetration is not exactly exciting for me.

Going wrong somewhere..... suggestions please on how to help/make things better:scratchhead:


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

DameEdna said:


> Well,it's pretty none existent at the moment. Even OH has stopped making passes and suggesting it. We have got into a routine of him giving me oral til I climax, then him (or me) masturbating himself til he's climaxed. That's "making love" for us. Satisfying cos it's better than nothing, but not good enough really is it?
> 
> Penetration hurts. I think we've avoided it so much over the years, that I'm still very tight. I don't produce much lubrication and even if I use lube (like KY Jelly) it just seems to dry up. I've used Replense and that seems to be good, but it causes me to produce milky white bits (yuck) I think I'm allergic to condoms (maybe the latex, so I will try latex free) Even so, penetration is not exactly exciting for me.
> 
> Going wrong somewhere..... suggestions please on how to help/make things better:scratchhead:


Have you sought medical help? My wife had the same problem till after our second child. I am rather thick, and we really had to take care and not engage in too energetic thrusting...

However, she always produced copious lubrication, which made it easier (she still lubricates well at age 68)...I might suggest using toys of increasingly larger sizes to accomplish some stretching..

Also, you might try different types/brands of lube. there is a great deal of difference, brand to brand.....some being thick and gooey witout actually lubricating well...

As far as your current sex life, I think it is fine...What you are doing shows you and your mate are engaged in a healthy sexual relationship. Many couples would have given up and lived a life of bitterness and frustration. You are to be commended for the inventiveness and dedication you have invested in your sex life...Well done! :smthumbup:


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Been there, done that. That kind of thinking made the rut worse for me. I'd think about really great sex we had in the past, the made the present seem even worse. I started trying to "force" the orgasms (hers and mine) in order to have a "good" experience. It sucked.
> 
> I had to change my whole way of thinking. Going into it without expectations (cumming or even that it's gonna be great). Slowing down and really feeling, her and me, no matter what we doing even if not piv. It really helped me.
> 
> ETA, others will chime in on the physical part.


I have begun this aproach with my expectation of sexual frequency....I put less pressure on the wife, and know that if I initiate, and get turned down, She will initiate or respond to me in a day or two...The whole thing is more relaxed and is working very well....

good luck
the woodchuck


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

There's no sex because penetration hurts or for other reasons too?

Try anal with astroglide.


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## themagicalbeing2013 (Mar 19, 2013)

DameEdna said:


> Well,it's pretty none existent at the moment. Even OH has stopped making passes and suggesting it. We have got into a routine of him giving me oral til I climax, then him (or me) masturbating himself til he's climaxed. That's "making love" for us. Satisfying cos it's better than nothing, but not good enough really is it?
> 
> Penetration hurts. I think we've avoided it so much over the years, that I'm still very tight. I don't produce much lubrication and even if I use lube (like KY Jelly) it just seems to dry up. I've used Replense and that seems to be good, but it causes me to produce milky white bits (yuck) I think I'm allergic to condoms (maybe the latex, so I will try latex free) Even so, penetration is not exactly exciting for me.
> 
> Going wrong somewhere..... suggestions please on how to help/make things better:scratchhead:


If sex hurst and you have tried way to improve and it does not work.. don't you think that your current situation is ok?


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

Thank you for your lovely replies. I'm putting undue pressure on myself and OH to "perform" so we should relax and enjoy the intimacy we have created without necessarily wanting more. 

"Threetimesalady" I will check out your thread, thank you.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

DameEdna said:


> Thank you for your lovely replies. I'm putting undue pressure on myself and OH to "perform" so *we should relax and enjoy the intimacy we have created without necessarily wanting more.
> *
> "Threetimesalady" I will check out your thread, thank you.


I don't think people are saying that at all. It's not wrong to want more, and in most cases (assuming there are no health/medical issues) you should shoot for more meaningful and pleasurable sex. I think what people are telling you is to do your homework, work at it, but don't put pressure on yourself and your husband to get it right the first time. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourselves would be going into the bedroom thinking "this time, we're going to have mind blowing sex" or "we're going to figure this problem out within X days/weeks - even if it kills us". That's unnecessary pressure. The healthy approach, IMHO, is to go into this with the mindset of "we have some issues, we want to get better, and we'll take our time exploring and experimenting until we're both satisified". Do you see where I'm coming from?


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

We've been together 28 years. Married nearly 24 + in our, 40s with grown up teens. Is it possible to get back what we once had? He won't have "the snip" and I seem to be allergic to condoms.... as well as feeling sore from the "tightness" I don't like those horrible things and I'm a bit old for the pill etc. I never feel properly aroused anyway if we ever "go all the way" and by the time I am aroused enough, he's gone off the boil (so to speak) Therefore, it just feels easier to do the little we do and accept the way it is..... He says he's happy anyway. 

I've been put off in the past by wearing nice lingerie and underwear, because he's felt he's "had to perform" so it's kind of killed the passion for us (he claims that won't be the case these days!!) 

We'd feel a lot closer if we had a better sex life, I'm sure!


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