# Hello



## Mrdubstar24

Erm so am new to this but not sure where to go to talk about stuff so here. Where to start we have not being married for long just over a year, Me and my wife are 30 we have a son together and have being together for going 10 years. Our relationship change alot since our son was born but I try push it to back of my head n get on with life and think about they positives and yes we have talked about stuff together but sadly nothing goes down well at first and then things are said to make out relationship go to what it was before but here I am so it's not gone to plan.


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## .339971

Welcome. Here's a good place to start. What exactly is going on?


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## Spicy

Welcome to TAM! 

So what problems are you facing?


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## Mrdubstar24

So start at the beginning really love my wife to bits but I think just before we had our son her sex drive started to go and she does her best to meet my needs I do ask alot but I know she won't do every thing when I ask I know she works and we have our 7 year old to look after but after getting married the little we did has started to be even more far and between then what it was when I try talk to her about it she gets defensive and up set making me feel so bad for trying to talk but then we will go silent n then make plans to help us in the bedroom but it never lasts n then I stay silent till I try talk n it goes in circle. Untill I think a week ago I didn't fall asleep like I normally do (in under 10 mins) so I laided there thinking she was asleep and I would just fall asleep in time, then I heard her breathing get heavy n faster n now n th en heard what I belive to be her masterbating but after 20 mins I sat up n attempted to ask her about and talk because that night she said we would have sex n then said she's tired like most nights. She was extremely defensive and angry I thought she touched herself, I know women generally don't talk about it even to their partners (read online) but after that I struggle sleeping now as my mind went to the deep end n went in thinking she tells me yes then changes her mind for other reasons and then does that before sleeping why she lie etc really bad state in my head can't talk to her about it as she kicks off n gets defensive.
So past few night it's being same we havnt done anything and I can't sleep n hear her few times during the night and through the week. What do I do? What can I do to get us back to what we was am at a lost. 😢Takigg this badly BTW


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## Mrdubstar24

Oh she's on her phone constantly even in bed she's on it while "i go to sleep"


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## niceguy47460

Check her phone she is cheating on you


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## MattMatt

She might not be cheating on you. However, she might be adicted to online games, etc and if what she does is impinging on your marriage, then this must be addressed.

Have you considered counselling as a couple?


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## Mrdubstar24

niceguy47460 said:


> Check her phone she is cheating on you


I cant she glued to it and has biometrics need her figure to unlock it I have thought abut it but cant and that would destroy the trust we have


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## Mrdubstar24

MattMatt said:


> She might not be cheating on you. However, she might be adicted to online games, etc and if what she does is impinging on your marriage, then this must be addressed.
> 
> Have you considered counselling as a couple?


not games but its a kpop band she got into called bts when we talk it normally her tell me about them or something they done. I would but cant afford and I doubt she would be up for it she thinks we fine and shows no sign of wanting to change our relationship hence I am here for help and advise.


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## MattMatt

30 and into kpop? Sounds like someone needs some maturity.


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## Mrdubstar24

MattMatt said:


> 30 and into kpop? Sounds like someone needs some maturity.


haha see at first I didn't mind it was like a hobby and that like I like photography and vaping ( also my jobs ) so I didn't mind but not its abit much to handle on top of everything else.


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