# Please help me, guys



## datingat50 (Dec 12, 2007)

I had been dating this man for the last 8 months untill a month ago. I broke up with him because I felt the relationship was getting too one sided. I was always going to his house and rarely would he spend time at mine. We never fought about it. As a matter of fact, we never fought. One night, I wanted to go out and have dinner and as usual he didn't. I lost my temper and we had a brief exchange of words. After gathering most of my belongings, I left. He tried to call me numerous times on my way home but I wouldn't answer the phone.
I immediately went back on the dating site where we met (which was stupid, I know) and in a few days so did he. I called him 1 week later and he still wanted to talk about the night I left and why. I told him I had tried to let him know many times that I felt I loved him more than he loved me and that I deserved better. I also told him never to contact me again. Please understand that marriage had been discussed and I was running scared. I am 50 and don't want to make another mistake.
My dilemma is this. I miss him but am afraid I have blown it. I still don't know if he loves me as much as I love him but recently I lost one of my beloved pets and he sent a note and a $600.00 check. I e-mailed him to please call me and he did and we talked for an hour. He called me a couple of days later and we talked again. It's always so comfortable with him...like old friends. We have been e-mailing each other but so far he has not mentioned seeing each other. The check was unexpected but with the vet bills, appreciated. 
Men, please tell me if he still cares for me as a woman or just as a friend. Why won't he say he misses me or wants to see me?
Thank you for any help. He is the first guy I have dated in a very long time and we just seemed to click.
Just a couple of more details..he has a bit of a weight problem. He is a huge guy but, as with many former athletes, he has put on about 70 pounds. I was afraid our energy levels were going to be different. Also, he has been having a major remodel in his house and I know it was stressful for him, as it was stressful for me even being there. We even joked about me being a "fairweather" girlfriend...like "call me when this mess is done". I guess the part I really hate is that I am a professional woman and I have a nice home, though granted, nohing like his waterfront retreat. I wish he would have spent more time in my home.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

The problem isn't if he loves you (HE DOES LOVE YOU) it is that while you are an extrovert he is an introvert. He feels comfortable and happy staying in. You both need to communicate and come to some common ground.

draconis


----------



## Explizite (Dec 12, 2007)

I really think he loves you. The only problem that I can see here is that he's not fond of going out. And that isn't a problem at all! You may still spend time together at his place.


----------



## Twineball (Nov 27, 2007)

But keep in mind, if you want this relationship to blossom into something serious, you can't change him. Many people feel that they can mold their significant other into what they want. If he doesn't like going out now, chances are good that he won't two years down the road either. I'm NOT trying to be discouraging. Just bear it in mine.


----------



## Tag (Dec 1, 2007)

He seems like he does love you, but probably is finding it difficult to express it. He would've stopped communicating with you if he didnt.


----------



## greenbaglady (Dec 11, 2007)

I hope he's come back around for you and you were able to spend the holiday with him.
He sounds like a really nice guy--you seem like a great pair when things are going good between you both.
 
Best of luck in the new year.


----------



## miss.kitty (Oct 30, 2007)

I can't speak on a man's point of view, but it does sound like he loves you & cares about you.

Maybe he is self conscience about the weight he has put on or being in crowds and that is why he wants to stay at his house all the time. He probably feels safe and comfortable in his own home.

But I think he needs to deal with his insecurities and you guys need to try to compromise. It's not fair for you to sit at home all the time, but it wouldn't be fair to drag him out all the time either. So maybe compromise a solution that you both can agree on.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well, we haven't heard from you in almost three weeks, any updates are you still with us?

draconis


----------

