# Not like it used to be.



## philbilly (Oct 19, 2008)

When we first got together my wife and I couldn't keep our hands off of each other. 13 years later we barely have relations. It maybe occurs once every 2 weeks. I don't miss it all that much. 

I like to have sex with her but I am usually too tired from all of my other commitments. I am also a very impulsive person. Usually when I want it it has to be now. We'll put the kids to bed and I'll be ready. Then my wife says "Wait a minute we have to lock the door, you have to take your pills, we have to lay out our cloths for tomorrow" after she says that I'm like never mind.

She wants to schedule sex. It's the same old routine. We go out to dinner (kids are at the babysitters) have dinner then go to a movie then come home and have sex. Booorrriiing.

Not that I want it to be like Cinemax or anything but it should be passionate not scheduled. She just doesn't get it.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Phil-
My wife and I are at it approx 7 times a week. Sometimes we miss a day, but then we catch-up and have it twice.

I decided to make sex a priority because it is one of my favorite things in life. If you really really want to, you can vastly improve your situation.

From what you say, the prospects look good, but a little bit of irritation has crept in on both sides. Am I correct in understanding that you are both wanting more sex, but it isn't quite happening? And that your are both quite attracted to each other?


----------



## philbilly (Oct 19, 2008)

Yes a little more would be nice. Or maybe just a little more spontaneous. Once a week would suit me just fine. I don't know about her. She tells me that she is fine with how things are. She would probably be happier with having sex a little more often. I am extremely attracted to her. She says that sh is attracted to me. 

I want it to be a little more fun a little more spontaneous. She treats it like it's just another thing on her list and she'll get to it when she's ready. All the other chores have to be done first. 

I also want her to flirt with me a little to help get me in the mood. When she wants to have sex she just all of a sudden says lets have sex with no prep or flirting or anything. It's usually when we are in bed and I'm about to fall asleep.

EDIT: I think that we should flirt with each other a lot so that when we have time we are ready for each other.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

philbilly-

Just wondering, how old are you both?

You are absolutely right about the flirting thing. Does it turn her on if you flirt with her?

I think one of the things that is not quite working for you is that you are miss-communicating. I read the link below about five years ago, and it changed my marriage for good. I am Audio Tactile, my wife is Audio Visual. We were simply not connecting even when we thought we were. I had to learn to speak her inner language, in order to get through.

"Ask Dr. Tracy" Love Library

I totally understand you about the spontaneity thing. There are times when I get extra horny, but sex is impossible. when we do finally get round to it on those occasions, it's still good, but the extra zing has been sacrificed on the alter of business or housework or something equally stupid.

The other thing you can do is attempt to negotiate. The fact that your wife wants to schedule sex is a fantastic sign that she knows the value of sex in a marriage. Why don't you try to have a build-up to the scheduled event? Either get her to agree to this, or get her to agree a 50/50 mix of scheduled and un-scheduled.

When the mood is right, raise the subject of scheduling, take her seriously, and hang on her every word. Cross and re-cross your legs while she talks to you, like a love-struck teenager. As for your being to tired, there are 3 things you can do.

1)Decide that sex is so important, it must take priority.
2)Make sure every time you have it, it is as mind-blowing as possible for both of you - this will encourage you to have it more often.
3)I almost 42. If you want to gain my super-stud abilities, all you have to do is read my story with an open mind, I have never had so much energy: Semen Retention I am happy to take questions.

I think you should ask your wife how often she would like sex, just to make sure you are on the same page.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I think mental 'to do' lists are quite common when you have young children just to keep up with everything so I can see why your wife plans ahead & catching her off guard probably throws her off.

When you say you are impulsive, what does that mean? Does the idea come into your head you want sex when you are in bed or is it earlier in the day that you have those thoughts? I'm just wondering if there are times that might be less stressful that would add the excitement you are looking for like taking a shower together on a weekend morning or jumping into the bath together when the kids are in bed or waking up a little earlier in the morning. If it's not a last minute impulse, the sooner you plant the seed the more likely she will be able to deal with the things on her mental list before you get together...little hints throughout the day, etc.


----------



## philbilly (Oct 19, 2008)

swedish said:


> When you say you are impulsive, what does that mean?


Maybe impulsive isn't the right word. What I mean is I like to do it at times that aren't conventional. Like when the kids are napping at 2 in the afternoon even if the plan was to rearrange the video cabinet. Or maybe right after we put them to bed. She always wants to do it when we go to bed for the night at 10:30 pm after she does all this prep work like turn off the tv and close up the house and so on and so forth. By then I am usually too tired and disinterested. I'm all for flirting and foreplay but to me foreplay doesn't include washing the dishes and putting away the laundry.

EDIT: Sometimes she'll say to me out of the blue "that was some pretty good flirting huh are you ready?" Then I'm like "what? When did you flirt with me?"

She was real good at it when we were younger and now it's non existent. It's a good thing she is hot or I would never be in the mood.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It's hard to be spontaneous when you have young children but I understand your wanting to keep things exciting...you may want to check out a book or 2 by Laura Corn (I think that's the author's name)...she's got a style that allows the man and woman to choose different ideas and send the spouse an invitation...this might add some excitement you feel is missing without throwing her schedule out the window.


----------

