# Dealing with the thoughts



## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Hello All,

It's been probably a year or so since I was last on, and this site and people have been good in the past. Unfortunately I have reason to be back. My good lady wife has come to the point of no longer wanting to be together. I decision I do not wholly agree on at all, but then there is so often always one side that wants and the other that doesn't.

It has been made clear there is no return on this, she is no longer attracted to me and will be moving out. It has been reasonably amicable at this point although tears (mine) have run.

Anyway to the point, my biggest problem is the thoughts, it's such a struggle to deal with them, all I see is the pictures of what we had so good, the moments the joy, the pleasure and the pain of imagining her doing those things or more with someone else. Obviously the things we did will not necessarily be repeated with others, but it's that thought, how do people deal with that as it is plaguing my mind every second and is killing me.

Anyway hope all are as good as they can be.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Sorry you are here. As you have said it yourself, there is no return. In other words, you have to move on. First order of the day, start taking care of yourself. Get a gym membership, start eating healthy, pay attention to your appearance. Do anything as long as it keeps you occupied. It is not going to be easy, as you can see from posts on this website by other members. That said it can be done and it will get better with time. Good luck.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Hi Shinobi,

Sorry to hear your bad news.

There really isn't any easy way to deal with it.

It's a journey to say the least.

After 1 year 4 months I still have feelings of love, anger, sadness, frustration, bitterness and hopelessness.

Only yesterday I came to the realisation that "letting her go" is something I still haven't done and something I need to do. For me.

I suppose the best way to cope is to keep really busy and see a counsellor regularly to "unload" all your pent up stress, confusion and anger. Exercise as much as you can.

If I had one piece of advice, it would be to keep in mind that everything you do for yourself is a step toward "letting her go".

I forgot that and seemed to go around in circles for a while.

Good luck.


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## bbgirl (Jul 20, 2015)

Sorry you are going through this. I understand all too well.
Take it one day at a time. It's been a year since my spouse said he didn't feel anything for me anymore and talked about splitting.
It hurts, tremendously. But it does get better with time.
Take care of yourself and treat yourself well, you deserve it.
Best wishes.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Well, really bad day today, it has just gotten rotten. My wife has gone visiting family and so we have been texting over a few things, not spoken. Anyway, it was quite reasonable last couple of days, saying how she is not looking for a relationship, needing space etc. then this morning.

It started with her saying how she was thinking how she was going to move her stuff and that, then it moved to a bit of flirting no less, which in the moment was easy to get carried away on hope, but then it came, she was going on about how she was going to be her, be herself, have fun, meet blokes, loads of sex, because sex is really what is driving her on, it's what she desires the most, and how it's desired and to generally have a wicked time of it.

Well that's done me totally, I am so struggling and only just managing to keep it together in front of the kids (two teenagers, they do know of the split) without getting mad and crying, but out of site am in bits, I have no one around, my family is hundreds of miles away and I don't have a circle of friends, we only moved to a rather isolated area (by mutual choice, I may add) end of last year so I only know work colleagues, it's just so hard to read such things and paint such a vivid picture in my mind, this is so painful and I'm just venting.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

maybe a motivational movie day is in order? Unfortunately I can only think of chick flicks for this type of situation.
I am sorry to hear we are in the same boat. When you start to breath again and realize that you are still alive go hug your kids and enjoy their love.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

I keep reading other posts on here and waking stock of where I am at and how other people are coping, it is quite odd really.
My mind is just running riot with so many thoughts I can neither control it nor see anything beyond it. We have been talking (my wife and I) over messaging, and it has been friendly, just really about how we got here and it was just too much of a poor state for her to continue, and whilst she is not blaming me, just the whole scenario, I do and I can't shake that.
I struggle with so much of it I feel so low and dread waking in the mornings which is getting earlier and earlier but it's the thoughts that I can't shake, her with someone else, she has said how much of a sexual person she is, and indeed was when together, and how much she is going to live for who she is and just be her self and that in itself is so hard to pick up from.

Truth is I know that for her to attract someone else when ever she wanted will be a fact, and that it is just not going to be for me, I just can not see myself ever off that shelf, now put away for ever. I am a very physical person with emotional intent, which is to say the biggest highs for me is being to put my arm around someone just when sat, a quick cuddle, curling up together wrapping legs around each other in bed, just physical touch with emotion and joy and the entire of that has gone and can not see it ever coming back for me, yet she will have it on demand, i know it and those thoughts are just burned onto my brain.

I feel so alone, I live with my teenage daughter who is great and has been great, but I need to keep it together for her and I can't be going on and on at her and all upset about the woman she grew up with and calls mum (actually step mum, but has been part of her life since she was 3). But I live over an hour from the nearest town, don't have friends, doesn't feel right talking to family and can't afford counselling and am so isolated, so not only is their no one to vent at, it just highlights the fact that there is not a chance of being able to have that which I crave again ie. Someone to hold, care for, cherish, emotional attachment, all the while all I can think about is my wife, and the fact she is in a good place and knowing she can satisfy those needs for her at whim.

It's so lonely just knowing I do not have that physical emotional element of my life and am sure it will never be returning, with my wife or anyone else, and that is a terrible thought for a future for me.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

I was wondering how you were doing. I'm not far enough in this to tell you it'll be ok or give it time as I am right there with you and have a hard time seeing it myself. The loss of the companionship and the emotional needs that still need to be met but aren't is devastating. As well as the love you freely give being ripped away or thrown back at you like it isn't good enough anymore. 

We too are isolated from family. It is very hard to see life going on around as if it's all normal while hiding behind a half smile, maybe even wanting to scream.

Woke up this morning thinking about h and the ow sleeping together. Very detrimental to healing but can't help but think of it. I was told that I just have to stop thinking that way. I don't know how either. Welcome to limbo. I will scoot down and make room for you on the shelf. One thing I do believe in that I read was that the fact that the ws is trying to fill their void with an affair or multiple affairs is a weakness in them, not in the bs. It shows they didn't have what it takes to be married, stick to commitment. They are high risk for destruction and you are better than that.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

honeysuckle04 said:


> I was wondering how you were doing. I'm not far enough in this to tell you it'll be ok or give it time as I am right there with you and have a hard time seeing it myself. The loss of the companionship and the emotional needs that still need to be met but aren't is devastating. As well as the love you freely give being ripped away or thrown back at you like it isn't good enough anymore.
> 
> We too are isolated from family. It is very hard to see life going on around as if it's all normal while hiding behind a half smile, maybe even wanting to scream.
> 
> Woke up this morning thinking about h and the ow sleeping together. Very detrimental to healing but can't help but think of it. I was told that I just have to stop thinking that way. I don't know how either. Welcome to limbo. I will scoot down and make room for you on the shelf. One thing I do believe in that I read was that the fact that the ws is trying to fill their void with an affair or multiple affairs is a weakness in them, not in the bs. It shows they didn't have what it takes to be married, stick to commitment. They are high risk for destruction and you are better than that.


Many thanks Honeysuckle, just having this form of contact is some help, but so hard. Yes the waking with thoughts of "them" enjoying the pleasures you once did with them, and knowing it is not you like a plague, and can't be shaken even though I do not know it is actually happening, but has only been spoken about. I sleep so much to what was once my side of the bed it's almost worthless having a large bed, and all because it just echoes what is so missing.

I seem to struggle more and more with the fear of being lonesome for the rest of my days, not because I can't live on my own, but because of what I feel is going to be missing from now on and that feels so low.

I thank you for your support and know you are having many a similar issue for which I hope you see clearer days, and failing that the support that makes a difference.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Some encouragements that I enjoy:
Just because one doesn't appreciate your worth doesn't diminish your value. 

Don't let the heart that hurt you keep you from the one that won't.

One day someone will come into your life and make you see why it didn't work out with anyone else.

Take them with a smile or a grain of salt, your choice.


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

Start exercising - if a serious gym isn't an option there are lots of online workout programs available now that are very affordable. 

Have you seen a lawyer yet? I think it will help if you take charge of the situation - be proactive rather than reactive. Also, is moving to a larger population area an option? Being single and living in "the sticks" is not going to be easy on you. It may take a while but try looking into this option. 

Are you getting joint custody of the children or are you getting 100%? 

I'm also not clear why your wife needed to tell you she'd be getting lots of "action" once you divorce. Seems quite cruel actually.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Shinobi said:


> Well, really bad day today, it has just gotten rotten. My wife has gone visiting family and so we have been texting over a few things, not spoken. Anyway, it was quite reasonable last couple of days, saying how she is not looking for a relationship, needing space etc. then this morning.
> 
> It started with her saying how she was thinking how she was going to move her stuff and that, then it moved to a bit of flirting no less, which in the moment was easy to get carried away on hope, but then it came, she was going on about how she was going to be her, be herself, have fun, meet blokes, loads of sex, because sex is really what is driving her on, it's what she desires the most, and how it's desired and to generally have a wicked time of it.
> 
> Well that's done me totally, I am so struggling and only just managing to keep it together in front of the kids (two teenagers, they do know of the split) without getting mad and crying, but out of site am in bits, I have no one around, my family is hundreds of miles away and I don't have a circle of friends, we only moved to a rather isolated area (by mutual choice, I may add) end of last year so I only know work colleagues, it's just so hard to read such things and paint such a vivid picture in my mind, this is so painful and I'm just venting.


Stop all unnecessary contact with her. Go absolutely cold and offer nothing in the way of emotional support.

Get her shyt out of your life and move on.

What a b1tch!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

It's unbelievable how staggeringly cruel they can be when they're deep in The Fog.

I know you're not going to believe this now, Shinobi, but you deserve better than this. I know how hard it is not to think all the things you're thinking now - I did that when my H announced he wanted a divorce so he could be with the OW he'd fallen in love with. All I could think of was 27 years of happy memories (I disregarded the rest), and of her making new memories with him, and of me just being alone for the rest of my life while he and she rode off into the sunset together.

But here's the reality for him five months later. His sister and brother and all our closest friends want nothing to do with him or her. His son never wants to meet her, let alone call her his stepmother. He's lost all his friends, except for a couple new tennis playing buddies who are much younger and have young kids and whole other lives outside of playing tennis that don't include him. He spends all his spare time with his son, which makes me happy, but is because he's all he's got left.

Your wife will lose the respect of your families and friends, and if she's not careful, your kids, and will find herself, when she's not being herself being driven by sex with other blokes - which will be most of the time here in The Real World - alone. 

You don't see it now, but she will ultimately suffer for her bad choices much more than you will. And by the time you realize that, you'll have also ceased to care.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Iver, conanhub, I know what you are saying, there is just so much which can be looked at as unbelievable, and as honeysuckle said it can show the weakness in them. Just to answer a few questions and update. 

My daughter is not hers so is with me 100%, there is no possible dispute on that. In terms of getting active I have been doing that this week,up at 5.30, run and physical upper body exercise, there is miles of wild open space to just go to it and I have done, as for moving, I wholly understand, but I love this place and am not a town sized population person let alone city, and yes I know that hinders my going forward, but my daughter is in a good school nearby and she is not getting disrupted as well, so not looking to move, thanks for your thoughts.

Tonight I went cold, I have had no contact for two days, she messaged me tonight, she started the conversation and said various things, all of which are in your face, here are some excerpts:

I am having the tattoo of your name removed tomorrow, that may hurt.
I will move on before you cos I am a woman and have more opportunity.
Suddenly now you want to play fun ( after I responded by saying yeah enjoy your mates politely) ain't happening now.
We are done aren't we

Then after half hour of me not responding:

We are
Believe me

And I have not responded, left it there, and whilst these are excerpts from an hours texting, all I have responded is ok, fair enough, I hear you, nothing more.
She was the one walking away, and she is the one pushing it right at me now she is going to have it so great, just not necessary.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Yeah that sounds familiar. It's the fog talking. They aren't in their right heads so I've been told. If you do not react or respond it is interesting to see how many circles they can run like a chicken with its head cut off.
It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants except to hurt you because she is having a hard time managing her guilt.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I had a thread a while back here called Stupid Sh!t Cheaters Say. I couldn't believe the wildly insensitive stuff my H said in the early days after I discovered their affair.

You should have seen this coming.

I told you hundreds of times how unhappy I was. (He never told me once.)

All our friends have known our marriage has been over for years. (I've yet to tell a friend of ours who isn't shocked.)

I fell for her because she reminded me of my sister. (Yes, he really did say that. On more than one occasion.)

You'll be fine - you have your career. (This from the man who couldn't name the company I've worked for for the last seven years, after he told me all about her company and job she just started a month after they met.)

It's great that you're so fit - that'll bode well for you when you're back on the dating scene. (His GF is, he's told me and I can tell from her FB profile picture, obese - not just overweight. And he's a Fat Shamer from way back).


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Like The 180 says, believe none of what you hear, and less than half of what you see. Don't let her rewrite your marital history - painting it as being "all wrong" or "miserable," or telling you it's your fault you couldn't see how unhappy she was "for so long" and that you drove her away. She's a monumentally selfish person. That's really all there is to it.

I'm sorry, again, that you're here. I'm sorry we're all here. I don't think the problem is that it's too easy to get divorced. I think it's that it's too easy to get married. There should be a period of mandatory cohabitation - like a year - before being allowed to marry (though that wouldn't have saved me from ending up with my ex) and there should be at least one very serious test.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Great, it's 4.45 am UK time, I have been awake an hour now, again, the non sleep hitting me.i am just having such a bad time, yesterday I just couldn't think straight, just all so confused, I cried a lot yesterday, and just couldn't help myself, just sobbing uncontrollably, it's awful.

Now all I can think about, is what is my wife doing, thinking she may well be with someone right now, or has been and he has left, her having gotten the "fun" she keeps telling me will happen and she so wants. Nomorebeans, I have read over what you have said, but I also do know for sure if she says something she means it, there is no doubt she is out for sex as she wants it, and I'm sure it could be anything from one night stands to several night stands with one if it is good. And that is all I see.

The fact that she always was highly sexual, although not so much in the latter years of marriage she has not slept with loads of people, can be counted on the one hand to be frank, but I do believe that is all going to change now,it is sex that is driving her and it is that which is driving me to despair, and the final part of it is the texts she has sent all confirming how she is going to be moving on, that we are done and it's all about her fun now, I can't shake them from my head no matter what.

Can't do the 180 as my brain won't switch itself, and it leaves me struggling.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

So sorry Shinobi. 
Have a good cry. It's suppose to help wash the pain out.
I understand about not being able to make the switch for 180 yet. I know it won't change your mind but I do think that blocking her from intentionally hurting you as much as possible would benefit you. If you have a home phone and she needs to talk she could call that one. 
Again, if she is persisting in dragging you with her through her sexcapades it's because she has you right where she wants you, hurting and wanting her. I know it's hard to breath and keep above the surface but you have to. For you and your daughter.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

I can't think of anything else, I suspect she was out last night and that is a dreadful mindful of thoughts as to what may have gone on. 

Today I put together a timeline of the messages and how it has gone from marriage being so bad, to actually is not its just I'm unhappy living here and need to be back to near daughter so let's manage the travelling.
To getting back to daughters and saying it is a distance but we can work this and were are not through (confirmed twice) and just because we are not always together i(she) don't see it as finished. Sends a naked selfie.
Next day, well we are through I'm not waiting around for you I need sex so will get it I assure you, and if you saw it as we were not finished sorry but why should I go without for you, so if it's offered I will take it(sex). 
I'm moving on but don't want to hurt you, I have feeling for you still but don't take that as we are together.
Things were just messed up and my head is screwed I just need to get my head straight.
To "I will move on before you cos I am a woman and have more opportunity" telling me and actually having her tattoo changed to cover my name.
To last night which I suspect she was out and about.

All in the space of 12 days

To make matters worse we have our family holiday all paid up for and go in two days, to an island we had a great time on last year, with no shops, bars, hotels or even cars, just a hand full of locals and backpackers, the sea and beach, oh and the woman I am I love with in a bikini, not reciprocating anything like my feelings. I can't let the kids down, nor those locals we are taking some stuff out for that they can't get there. But I'm having panic attacks just looking at the luggage.

I am so totally mind f***** I don't know which way is up or down, hurting to breathe.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Shinobi, it sounds like she has some mental health issues. Otherwise, I don't understand why her texts are at such extreme ends of the spectrum. Early on, my ex would tell me how hw still loved me and what a wonderful person I was, yet he would continue to talk and text with the OW (they have a long-distance thing). But there was never any of his wanting to make it work with me again. He was just wanting to assuage his guilt. But this sounds bi-polar, or like Borderline Personality Disorder. In either event, you can't fix her - she needs professional counseling. And doesn't sound like she'll be open to that any time soon.

I know you're hurting very badly, and my heart goes out to you. But look, she's doing a terrible thing to you that you do not deserve. And she's toxic right now. Your upcoming vacation is a tough one - my inclination is to tell you to cancel it. But I know with non-refundable airfare and hotel payments, that's not easy. And I know you still hold out hope that things could turn around while on it, but I fear it's going to just be another poisonous experience for you. I also think you should block her from texting you. If you can't do that, as someone told me when my ex was being his most toxic (which wasn't nearly as bad as this), don't respond to her texts for at least one hour, as a matter of course. Think of how you feel when she doesn't respond to yours - she should get a taste of that. Don't answer her calls, either - let them go to voice mail, and if it's not an emergency (it never is if they're not with your children), wait at least an hour to call back. Don't apologize for the delay. Be nonchalant.

I wasn't always good at implementing the 180. I've never been much of a manipulator or game-player, and it was hard to go against my nature and do stuff like that with his constant texting and calls that just left me confused and hurt. Until I realized they just left me confused and hurt, and I got angry and stopped being a pawn in his little game. It didn't win him back, but he noticed I wasn't always so available to him, and he started respecting the boundaries, saying things he's never said in 25 years of marriage, like "I'm sorry to bother you when you're working," or "I know you're busy, but..." It made me feel sane and like I could breathe again to take back some semblance of control.

Please try to not be so easily accessible to her, when she's only accessing you to somehow make herself feel better, while only hurting you. And believe me, she doesn't care that she's hurting you - in fact it seems to make her feel good to do that. Time to take that power away from her.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You really shouldn't worry about her. She doesn't love you or care about you.. so your caring is really just a one way street that wastes your energy and destroys your ability to sleep.

You need to learn to NGAF, let her move on, you move on as well. Unless it's talk about children, do not answer anything she says. Block her on all social media. Learn to live without her. Right now, you're pining for what was... well, it'll never return. It's dead. You're still alive. Bury it and keep on living a good life.

ETA: I had this period in my life as well, and it does take time to grieve the relationship. It's shocking how cruel someone you were once with can be. Then after a while, you realize that you are WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME with someone that is not worthy. When this moment hits you, you will know exactly how to carry on. Right now you are just processing... that's fine, just don't wallow for longer than is necessary, and do not answer one single hurtful thing she says. Ignore it. Invalidate it.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Satya, I do hear you, but I broke that rule instantly, sorry. I know you are right I just can't let go. She posted not only one good selfie as her profile picture today, but two and the second was a killer, short skirt, midriff showing, cleavage, the whole shebang and then changed her status to single.
Then I broke the next rule and messaged her, yes, the fingers moved quicker than the brain, I have told her how I want her, I was sorry, can make it all right, the whole non 180 thing, the whole you just blew this one big style! Yes desperation it was, and I did. 
So responding to me saying how good she looked, was,yeah I know, and you are not the only one to,say so, I'm moving on, and it's not you that I'm looking at, too late.

I shouldn't have text I know, weakening at the knees was what it was, I spent all afternoon just concentrating on her, I couldn't leave it behind and boom, I'm done for.

I so want to sleep, but I know it's not coming any time soon. I'm sorry for spouting forth here, but I do find solace and thankyou friends and commentators alike, keep smiling folks, hard I know,but it's smiling back at you somewhere.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

For God's sake Shinobi. Get a grip man. Do I need to climb through this modem and slap you in the face?

You've had a troubled marriage for three years according to your prior threads. You knew this day was coming.

The 180 means exactly that. Cut off all communications with this person. Block her number. Unfriend her on Facebook. Come to the understanding that your STBXW is a damaged human being. She is toxic to you. Quit being so maudlin and get angry.

Be proactive. Take the steps necessary to begin divorce. Seek out relationships with men who will hold you accountable. Be a father to your daughter.

Time will be your greatest healer unless you continue to sit in the victim chair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Absurdist said:


> For God's sake Shinobi. Get a grip man. Do I need to climb through this modem and slap you in the face?
> 
> You've had a troubled marriage for three years according to your prior threads. You knew this day was coming.
> 
> ...


Absurdist, yes you are right, this has been on the cards for probably the last 4 years to be honest and it was all nearly over last year again, hence a move, to a new and supposed quieter place that was to try afresh, and has only worsened it eventually.

However, when it has been better all thoughts and memories of the not so good are put away, I don't carry them forward, so each time has felt new and raw, and I'm not an angry person and take it heavy when it comes at me.

Of course you are right she is toxic and harmful , I do need that slap and need to work on my 180, I am a type that struggles to let go, i accept, but I do have to, some how, some way.

Thankyou for your advice and indeed taking the time to see a little more of my history on it, and I shall try to step up and be sorted, having been slapped!


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

So today, I took on board some advice, I was saying things out loud that were getting to me, and saying the things that I didn't like about our marriage, mainly the lack of affection and physical contact, intimate contact not just sex, as they are important to me along side sex and has been an issue for me for years, and it helped, I did not feel so heart torn, I could look at her picture and say, ok, but you know what I was missing stuff too, I just didn't choose to walk away.

Thinking on what you said absurdist, I went back and re read my previous threads and it is all the same, same type of thing, same issues, the lack of affection, touch and geneal benovelonce towards me, it kind of said, hey look, it isn't great, your heart rules your head but you got to think more. I am not so obsessing over her as much at least not today, I changed my phone screen around and removed the quick links to her profile and phone number and that, so she wasn't the first thing that appears when I open my phone, and would have to trawl through the app list to get there.

I also took off my wedding ring, first time since 2006 when it was put on, that was momentous, I can't bear to put it away yet, but I went out to work without it all day. So there is hope, I still get visions of her hooking up some bloke or a series of blokes, and it drags me down, but I shout out I just hope I can keep it up.

Biggest test is we are going on holiday for two weeks tomorrow, yes, foolish, stupid possibly, I thought today I may look upon her and see it for what it is, ended, maybe this is a big test, the show me to move on thing. Of course on a small island with about 30 other people, no buildings, electricity or anything else could prove bad, but it is happening. I do get this picture of her kind of leading some backpacker away suddenly and arriving back with some kind of swagger and smile of I just got some and it was gooood kind of thing, but that is something that may well have to be dealt with, it can be no worse, and I find that so disrespectful in thought even, but maybe it's just me being over active imagination.
I am very nervous about meeting her in person for the first time in a week, and the fact we are on an island for 2 weeks, and I know I got to keep myself together and my hands away from her ( I always used to touch her back, stroke her neck, squeeze her bum kind of thing) little touches, it makes me quake, so I am putting hope in the hands of the ruler of hope that I can do this and it works out okay.

Odd thing is I have this thought that I wish there was some kind of life recorder and referee that sees all that has gone on and can judge and rule on the ins and out, the correct and incorrect and say it from an independent point of view that I am not going mad and that there have been good things, wrong things, positives and it's not all it sounds to be when i am getting all pushed at me, but I guess something's you just have to dream of.

If I'm not back over night through not sleeping I guess I will check in when I return.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

Shinobi said:


> So today, I took on board some advice, I was saying things out loud that were getting to me, and saying the things that I didn't like about our marriage, mainly the lack of affection and physical contact, intimate contact not just sex, as they are important to me along side sex and has been an issue for me for years, and it helped, I did not feel so heart torn, I could look at her picture and say, ok, but you know what I was missing stuff too, I just didn't choose to walk away. This is a step in the right direction.
> 
> Thinking on what you said absurdist, I went back and re read my previous threads and it is all the same, same type of thing, same issues, the lack of affection, touch and geneal benovelonce towards me, it kind of said, hey look, it isn't great, your heart rules your head but you got to think more. I am not so obsessing over her as much at least not today, I changed my phone screen around and removed the quick links to her profile and phone number and that, so she wasn't the first thing that appears when I open my phone, and would have to trawl through the app list to get there. Good. I would take it a step further and block her altogether.
> 
> ...


I suggest that you do more reading here. Read MrPack's thread from start to finish and consider all the posts made by many of the people there. You need to let your wife go.


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