# "friend love"



## bigjay83 (May 2, 2011)

i caught my wife IMing with a guy from FB and she told him she loved him. i confronted her and she said its a "friend love" nothing real. I feel that isnt right to even say to another man if your married. anyone have some insight or advice on what i should do or say


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

yeah, thats BS. shes is likely lying.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Sounds like you need to start snooping.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

They ALL say this when u first catch them. Mine said that too. Just friends! Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bigjay83 (May 2, 2011)

she keeps trying to catch me in the act of something "shady" as she calls it.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

If it's just a friend then she won't have a problem de-friending him will she?

Odds are it's more than that and your gut knows it. Snoop and do a 180.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

bigjay83 said:


> she keeps trying to catch me in the act of something "shady" as she calls it.


What does this mean? Are you saying she's got the idea that " you should respect her privacy and you have no right to snoop?". My DS said this to me also. It's another classic affair sign.

Bud, you have EVERY RIGHT to protect your marriage. She's not protecting her privacy. She's protecting her secrecy. And her secrecy is affecting YOU, which makes it selfish on her part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bigjay83 (May 2, 2011)

i to the point where im so upset and uneasy about everything that i can barely focus and put a full thought together. i dont know how to approach the subject with her without her getting all pissy with me


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Get a grip and check out the 180 and other stickies in the Mens Clubhouse. 

She hiding something and trying to blameshift onto you. Don't let it happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

Tell her you can now go out and screw some female friends--it's just friend f&%king


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

bigjay83 said:


> i to the point where im so upset and uneasy about everything that i can barely focus and put a full thought together. i dont know how to approach the subject with her without her getting all pissy with me


And why should this stop you? Who cares if she gets pissy. That makes u a true beta if you are scared of a confrontation about something important to you and a boundary of your being crossed. It's ok. A lot of us used to be there.

Here's what you do. Why? Because it's important to you. And if she resists or does not agree, then you KNOW she is valuing her "friend" more than your marriage......

Sit her down. Tell her you don't appreciate her texting this guy, and you want her to stop. Tell her if she doesn't stop, then tell her that it's time for a separation, because you will not tolerate her behaviors with her friend no longer. If she gets pissy, then you remain calm but firm. Never lose your temper. Tell her it's now her choice. You or him. Then walk away. Go out and calm down. Go to a friends house. Whatever. Just let her stew.

The thing is, you have to mean it. You can't make idle threats, because that is also weak. She is crossing one of your boundaries with this guy, and you need to enforce your boundaries.

Do you really want to be married with someone that doesn't respect you enough that she continues what she is doing.....valuing that over you? 

Or.....you can bury your head in the sand...feel like total crap inside...and hope it goes away by itself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

What would she do if the roles were reversed? Do that. At least.


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## elo123 (May 3, 2011)

'love' is a strong word my man. Check it out.


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## TheFamilyMan (May 4, 2011)

I agree with all these guys, but it sounds like it's time for you guys to have a serious talk cause things could go a million different ways from here!


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## jackhei60 (May 5, 2011)

yeah, thats BS.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Your silence will likely be perceived as concurrence... in other words, you will enable the behavior. 

Does your wife tell you that she loves you? You may want to consider a keylogger as a minimum. Good luck.


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