# Getting past childhood things



## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

A couple months ago, my wife was working far away, and I had to send her some stuff. 

I bought her two inexpensive vibrators off Ebay and sent them and some spare batteries (where she was, batteries are VERY expensive). 

She got all angry and irritated at me. But, after weeks went by she finally opened them... And did nothing. 

And weeks later... she actually started trying them out. 

I thought it strange that she said she never masturbated when we were separated... And she didn't. She was caught by her mother when she was about 12 or so (first time trying it) and her mother just threw a fit. I didn't know this until a day ago. It always bothered me, I just never imagined it was from a prudish parent ( Mine were EXTREMELY SO, but I hold no such reservations) influencing her. 

Now, she's changing her attitudes a bit, but I notice she still has many things going in her mind that relate to her long-held self prohibitions against freely indulging in anything that feels good sexually. She's come quite a ways. She actually got out the vibrator and used it to show me how she likes it and then kept on while I gently did many other stimulating things. She's finally made it past that big hangup. 

Still wondering what I can do to get her to stop resisting her own wants ( still doing it...). 

Any ideas or suggestions appreciated.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

If you figure it out let us know - I have the same problem. Just gave my wife one and she flipped. Absolutely flipped out and 'I should have known better' meaning not to expect much more from me. Wow. She too has childhood skeletons but much worse than simply being caught masturbating - ie being forced to do favors for adults. It crafted a woman who is in frequent protection mode. Anything sexual is an intrusion and I am the invader. Good luck sounds like you made more progress than I have - we the fact that you made progress is much more than I have achieved :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mike_O (Aug 3, 2011)

Good Post - thanks!

I think we are often unaware and/or reluctant to be critical of our parents' influence on ourselves. It was much easier for me when both my parents were dead. I also did not realize how much I was like my parents until I turned 50. Spouses often refrain from criticizing the in-laws to avoid offending a wife/husband. All this adds up to a difficult situation to repair.

I venture to say that the counseling/therapy profession would be reduced if we had better parents and we were better parents to our children...

I think the first step is to ask "why do I believe this way? or why do I act this way?" and how did my parents or prior experiences influence this. Yes, it is quite possible that our parents were not good parents and/or made a lot of mistakes.

I am looking for some good books to help guide the reader through self-exploration of parental influence. If you know of any please post.

I do know of people who have very successfully worked through these issues with the help of a qualified therapist but it took a lot of time and effort.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

For me it was a combination of things. Cultural issues and then later religious issues that left me with mental blocks regarding sexuality. For me, it wasn't that I didn't do certain acts, it was that I was a little ashamed for doing them, and enjoying at the time. For example, girls who performed oral sex were labeled as fast or loose growing up and sex was a taboo topic among adults, so I learned about it from the wrong people. 

I had to undo these mental blocks. I did that by being honest with myself and searching for reasons I felt certain ways about certain acts. 

Then by reading up on male and female sexuality. And most importantly, as silly as this sounds, giving myself permission to fully enjoy a healthy sex life and whatever that entails. 

Also having really open conversations with my huaand about these things even before marriage. Many of these discussion were sparked by pre marital counseling, but then I had to keep working on them. Just talking about it is one thing but actually applying it is another.

I would just keep encouraging your wife by making sure she knows you won't judge her, and starting discussions. But ultimately, she has to acknowledge that she has hangs ups that she wants to overcome, which it sounds like she has.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

KendalMintcake said:


> If you figure it out let us know - I have the same problem. Just gave my wife one and she flipped. Absolutely flipped out and 'I should have known better' meaning not to expect much more from me. Wow. She too has childhood skeletons but much worse than simply being caught masturbating - ie being forced to do favors for adults. It crafted a woman who is in frequent protection mode. Anything sexual is an intrusion and I am the invader. Good luck sounds like you made more progress than I have - we the fact that you made progress is much more than I have achieved :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



My wife was also a prude...Lots of childhood issues. She was totally shocked the first time I gave her oral...

We have overcome a lot, basically due to her truly sexual nature(no matter how well hidden). 

She recently had a sexy dream, and tiptoed into my bedroom to retrieve a vibrator...I immediately bought an extra for her to keep bedside...


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