# is my marriage over?



## ladybug1075 (Apr 18, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Both of us were married before. I have one child and he has four. We both work full time shift work, and we don't always see each other everyday. Since the wedding things have been steadily going down hill. 

We don't talk about anything anymore unless it's about what to have for dinner or who is picking up the kids. Going from one child to five has been quite an adjustment for me, but over all I think that I have handled it well enough.

We don't hang out anymore because he spends all of his time with his children and saves the leftovers (after midnight when I am dead tired, or at work) for me. Don't get me wrong, I am all for him spending time with his kids, with or without me. But is it so wrong to want at least a little bit of his prime time? We used to be best friends. Now I don't even know him.

We used to be very close, but now we no longer are intimate. I just don't know what to do. I have tried to talk to him over and over and over again, but it always ends in a fight. He finally told me the other day that he just doesn't want to touch me anymore, that he has changed and that isn't who he is now. He doesn't hug me, kiss me, or really touch me at all. If I ask him to hold me sometimes he will force himself to but I can tell he doesn't want to and it makes me stiffen up. Most of the time he pushes me away. I have tried to initiate all kinds of intimacy, but 90% of the time I am rejected. I guess he expects me to keep trying because he doesn't and won't. How many times can someone be rejected and still be expected to keep going back for more? Every time he does reject me I feel like I have been slapped in the face. It is to the point now that I don't ask anymore, and the once a week that he might kiss me goodbye on the cheek I kind of cringe.

I feel like he will do anything to avoid spending time alone with me. To try to put some of the friendship back into our relationship I have tried to make couple time instead of family time. I will make dinner for the kids before he gets home from work and then make another dinner for us so that we can be alone, but we get interrupted, and it feels like there is nothing to talk about. Sometimes I will call him at work and ask him what he would like for dinner and he tells me not to bother because he will just eat at work. I have tried planning dates for us to be alone but for some reason it never works out. I have tried to plan little 2 day trips for us, but he doesn't want to leave the kids or waste his vacation time from work to spend with me.

What am I supposed to do? I know that I am not perfect, and that I have done things that have made him upset. Does a few disagreements mean that the relationship is over? I don't understand what has happened. Please help me. I am worried that my marriage is over.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

That last paragraph is rather loaded. What kinds of things have you done to upset him? This sounds like pretty serious "upset" with you, so perhaps you can elaborate.


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## ladybug1075 (Apr 18, 2010)

It is not loaded. What I meant was just regular stuff that people fight about....money, kids, etc.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What is your marriage like from HIS perspective? 

That's what matters right now, as he is the one you have to get back engaged in keeping it. It sounds to me like there is something about you he's decided he doesn't like. I have no idea what it is, but you need to find out.


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## jusme (Jan 4, 2010)

Ladybug, I'm sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.

I think the best way to approach this is to schedule a time (probably after all kiddos are in bed) and have a heart to heart with your hubby. Tell him something like, "look, we have a lot invested here - marriage, children etc. Are you willing to throw it all away?" And then simply tell him how you feel, calmly and with confidence. When the argument starts, tell him that you are not willing to argue about this. You only want to fix it your marriage. It sounds like you have tried, but I think the key is to discuss it without arguing about it. Use "I" statements rather than "you" because they come across less confronting, such as, "I feel hurt when you don't want to be intimate with me." 

Just some thoughts. Let us know how it goes.


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## ladybug1075 (Apr 18, 2010)

I really will try to remain calm and not argue with him anymore. 
I have already been using the "I" statements and that has helped. Thank you for your advice.


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## GucciChick (Apr 19, 2010)

That is how my marriage was, and he eventually just left. I hope you guys work things out, though. Good luck sweeti.


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