# Bored & Not Interested after almost 20 years of marriage



## debaussie71

Hello,

My name is Deb and I find myself falling or already fallen out of love with my husband. I'm 42 and he is 46 and for the last few years despite the numerous attempts to put more effort into our marriage we just seem to be growing farther and farther apart.

Our oldest son is 14 and we also have twin girls who are almost 12 and I can tell that my son is picking up on the bad vibes and tension between myself and my husband because my son and I are very very close. We have a good connection but then again so do I with my girls but because my son is that little bit older, we have good talks about everything.

My husband and I tend to fight a lot more now and he never used to get angry and raise his voice and neither here but for the last year we have been having screaming matches.

The last few years he has been sex mad and it is sex like I have never had before with my husband. Don't get me wrong its really good and I am not complaining but afterwards he just doesn't want anything to do with me and either gets up and watches TV downstairs or rolls over and goes to sleep, most of the time its get up and watch TV and doesn't come back to bed. So I just feel lately like I am just here as his male release. I feel used in a way. Please tell me that it's not me and my husband is changing or am I just getting old and boring.

We used to talk all the time and work through things together but sadly I just can't seem to find a way of getting that back.

A month ago he moved into the guest room downstairs because I approached him and asked him if he didn't love me anymore and if he was having an affair. He got so angry with my question and just hasn't slept in our bedroom since and we haven't talked much despite my attempts to try and talk to him, but more or less just have arguments over stupid things. He actually shoved me the other day and I mean hands on shoulder blade shove.

I am so frustrated because I just don't know what to do. I asked him a few days ago if he would go to marriage counseling with me and he told me to eff off and that I was stupid for even asking him so I just don't know if I should keep trying and hope that the years will get easier or should I leave him, get a divorce, sell everything, split everything in half and start again. We are coming up to our 20 year wedding anniversary and to be honest I can't think of anything more agonizing than to pretend to be happy and pretend to celebrate our pretend successful marriage.

I just want to be happy again. Waking up depressed and popping anti-depressants everyday shouldn't be what life has to offer.

What do I do?


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## nogutsnoglory

debaussie71 said:


> Hello,
> 
> My name is Deb and I find myself falling or already fallen out of love with my husband. I'm 42 and he is 46 and for the last few years despite the numerous attempts to put more effort into our marriage we just seem to be growing farther and farther apart.
> 
> Our oldest son is 14 and we also have twin girls who are almost 12 and I can tell that my son is picking up on the bad vibes and tension between myself and my husband because my son and I are very very close. We have a good connection but then again so do I with my girls but because my son is that little bit older, we have good talks about everything.
> 
> My husband and I tend to fight a lot more now and he never used to get angry and raise his voice and neither here but for the last year we have been having screaming matches.
> 
> The last few years he has been sex mad and it is sex like I have never had before with my husband. Don't get me wrong its really good and I am not complaining but afterwards he just doesn't want anything to do with me and either gets up and watches TV downstairs or rolls over and goes to sleep, most of the time its get up and watch TV and doesn't come back to bed. So I just feel lately like I am just here as his male release. I feel used in a way. Please tell me that it's not me and my husband is changing or am I just getting old and boring.
> 
> We used to talk all the time and work through things together but sadly I just can't seem to find a way of getting that back.
> 
> A month ago he moved into the guest room downstairs because I approached him and asked him if he didn't love me anymore and if he was having an affair. He got so angry with my question and just hasn't slept in our bedroom since and we haven't talked much despite my attempts to try and talk to him, but more or less just have arguments over stupid things. He actually shoved me the other day and I mean hands on shoulder blade shove.
> 
> I am so frustrated because I just don't know what to do. I asked him a few days ago if he would go to marriage counseling with me and he told me to eff off and that I was stupid for even asking him so I just don't know if I should keep trying and hope that the years will get easier or should I leave him, get a divorce, sell everything, split everything in half and start again. We are coming up to our 20 year wedding anniversary and to be honest I can't think of anything more agonizing than to pretend to be happy and pretend to celebrate our pretend successful marriage.
> 
> I just want to be happy again. Waking up depressed and popping anti-depressants everyday shouldn't be what life has to offer.
> 
> What do I do?


tell him to go to counseling, like it or not, or he will be served divorce papers, you will get to keep the home, the kids and he will have to foot the bill for most of it. Or go to counseling, and work on the relationship, as it is clearly not a healthy one right now. 
I suspect there are two different sides to this story, but with no communication, you have nothing. So force it, or be willing to divorce him.


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## debaussie71

nogutsnoglory said:


> tell him to go to counseling, like it or not, or he will be served divorce papers, you will get to keep the home, the kids and he will have to foot the bill for most of it. Or go to counseling, and work on the relationship, as it is clearly not a healthy one right now.
> I suspect there are two different sides to this story, but with no communication, you have nothing. So force it, or be willing to divorce him.


Thank you for your advice. You are definitely right in regards to two different sides to the story and I would love to know how he feels but refuses to open up or even let me in.

It is very hard to listen because it does end up with tears, anger and screaming.

Our situation is a little tough, we have no mortgage over our family home but there are mortgages over our four investment houses. Despite him refusing counseling, if we ended up separating and filing for divorce he is very greedy with money so I think there would be a fight in him and I don't want to walk away from this marriage with nothing and him taking everything. Without some form of financial stability, I would not be able to support my kids and that is the last thing I want. My kids are my first priority. I will fight for the house, that is all that I want so that I have a safe familiar environment for my kids.

Is is sad that I have already thought about this and how I think it would plan out.


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## Mavash.

If this is something new has he had his testosterone checked? Low T causes depression which could explain his mood swings. My other thought is a mid life crisis or some other stressor that you're not a aware of.

What was the marriage like before the fights started?


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## temperance

Is there any life changing event just happen to him? For example... does he lost a lot of money on his investment property? Sounds like he is stress. Mavash can be right, can be mid like crisis too, or some kind of hormone imbalance.


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## debaussie71

Mavash. said:


> If this is something new has he had his testosterone checked? Low T causes depression which could explain his mood swings. My other thought is a mid life crisis or some other stressor that you're not a aware of.
> 
> What was the marriage like before the fights started?


Mavash it is funny that you have said that. One of my girlfriends is going through similar issues and she said that she thinks that could be apart of the issues that my husband is having and her husband has low T as well.

I am so afraid of further suggestions and attempts to fix things because I feel that our marriage is at that breaking point where it can go either way. 1. Separation or 2. Heal.

It really is hard to explain my feelings about how much I fear that my husband will leave me.

Our marriage 3 years ago was great. I remember it changed when I said that I was going back to work. He didn't like the idea but I was so excited to get back out there that I jumped when the opportunity came. I always felt that he liked being in control knowing that I was the house wife at home.

So complicated and so many thoughts and feelings going on right now.:scratchhead:


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## Mavash.

So it changed when you went back to work? Was that THE event that started this?


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## thunderstruck

You may want to do some basic snooping. Some of his actions suggest that he may something going on the side.


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## cdbaker

Yeah I would really wonder if he is having an affair at this point...

If not, the low T could be a possibility. But him telling you to eff off at the mention of counseling is a HUGE red flag. Moving out into the guest room for a month now at the mere question of an affair, with no attempt to come back at all, is also a huge red flag. Have you found any evidence of a possible affair yet?


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## debaussie71

Mavash. said:


> So it changed when you went back to work? Was that THE event that started this?


Yes I suppose that is when everything changed. Despite me telling him that I feel the need to have some kind of independence. For years I was the stay at home Mum and now the kids are well and truly old enough I wanted to get back out there because I was getting bored at home. There is only so many times you can wash the floor in a week.

He still does not agree with it but hasn't mentioned it for a while.


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## debaussie71

cdbaker said:


> Yeah I would really wonder if he is having an affair at this point...
> 
> If not, the low T could be a possibility. But him telling you to eff off at the mention of counseling is a HUGE red flag. Moving out into the guest room for a month now at the mere question of an affair, with no attempt to come back at all, is also a huge red flag. Have you found any evidence of a possible affair yet?


cdbaker and thunderstruck. You have no idea how many times that thought about the affair has wondered into my head because a lot of what is happening now in our marriage does not make sense.

He has been away quite a bit lately but I do know that he is on business because my brother is his marketing manager so travels with him and my brother would tell me if something was going on. 

Because I have had my suspicions for a while, I have tried to look at this iPhone but he has a passcode on it so I can't get into it and if I asked him what it was he would ask why and because I have already asked the question he will know my tactics and another fight will start. I have actually asked my Mum to follow him which she has done a few times and he goes to his office or meets clients and or colleagues at Coffee Club.

I've looked at credit card statements and there is no activity on them when he has been away to say that he was in town at a hotel or elsewhere.

Starting to get a bit teary now because I just want my family back!


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## Mavash.

debaussie71 said:


> Yes I suppose that is when everything changed. Despite me telling him that I feel the need to have some kind of independence. For years I was the stay at home Mum and now the kids are well and truly old enough I wanted to get back out there because I was getting bored at home. There is only so many times you can wash the floor in a week.
> 
> He still does not agree with it but hasn't mentioned it for a while.


So how was this handled? Was there a fight? An event? Did he try to talk you out of it? 

I'm a big fan of getting back to when things went wrong to find out how to fix it. Can't fix a problem you don't understand.


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## temperance

cdbaker said:


> Yeah I would really wonder if he is having an affair at this point...


How do you explain the sex mad? If there's an affair, wouldn't he stay away and want less sex with the OP?


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## debaussie71

Mavash. said:


> So how was this handled? Was there a fight? An event? Did he try to talk you out of it?
> 
> I'm a big fan of getting back to when things went wrong to find out how to fix it. Can't fix a problem you don't understand.


I had mentioned it a number of times before I actually made the move because we had to talk about the current routine with the kids etc. I think because I was a stay at home Mum for so long that he thought I would never get around to actually looking to get back into the work force.

He was aware when I started looking and we I finally got a job and I told him, you can only imagine how excited I was where my husband just walked away and didn't talk to me for weeks. No congratulations or anything. Then all of a sudden he started talking and then things went down hill very fast.


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## LongWalk

When the screaming starts what do you yell at each other?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Mavash.

debaussie71 said:


> He was aware when I started looking and we I finally got a job and I told him, you can only imagine how excited I was where my husband just walked away and didn't talk to me for weeks. No congratulations or anything. Then all of a sudden he started talking and then things went down hill very fast.


I have a 13 year old and I think my husband would be upset if I went back to work. His mom was a homemaker and he prefers that I be one too. He'd support me if I wanted to work yes but he wouldn't be happy about it. Our kids need me. He needs me.

Did you go back to work in preparation for leaving your husband?

Did you go back to work to gain some sort of independence?

Why would you go back to work without his blessing?

Is your new job worth losing your marriage over?

Have you asked him how he feels about you working from a humble stance?


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## turnera

Have you read His Needs Her Needs?


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## debaussie71

Well here is an updated.

It comes with great hurt and pain to admit, but my husband has moved out of our house and into one of our apartments 30 minutes away. He said that time apart is needed and that he wants us to live separately for 12 months to see if we can repair our marriage. I begged him to stay but he had already packed his car with his belongings and despite me holding onto his arm really tight and me wailing for him not to leave he still did.

I can't help but feel that our marriage is over because he has left. I feel like he has walked out of the marriage. This happened last Sunday and I have been trying to come to terms with it all since. I have not told anyone, haven't even said anything to my parents and I have told the kids that their father needs to work closer to the City for a while. I know I have to eventually tell the kids but I am just stupidly living in hope that my husband will come to his senses and come home.

To answer Mavash's questions, I did not go back to work in preparation to leave my husband. I went back to work because I was getting bored being a house wife and wanted to help by bringing in a little more money into the household. Not all women want to be the stay at home Mum/Wife for the rest of their lives.

My husband eventually come to terms with the fact that I was really excited about going back to work but it is just the little things that will get left to the weekend, he gets really annoyed when things aren't done his way. He is a bit OCD but not clinical at all. Very controlling when it comes to the kids, the weekend that he left, him and my son were having an argument over something little and my husband back handed my son really hard which made my son fall over and kept yelling at him. I stepped in and pushed my husband back and lost my cool and went off at him and said lots of things that I regret now but he has never hit any of the kids like that before. Was very out of the blue and at random. After he cooled down he said that he felt really bad and later that night apologised to my son who accepted it and everyone moved on.

A part of me longs for my husband to come home to me and our children and then a part of me loathes the idea of him coming home. 

I am so lost, hurt, miserable, confused and many more feelings that I can't describe.

Is my marriage over or do married people do this?


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## Openminded

Some people do reconcile after separation. Time will tell. 

Most of us here are Betrayed Spouses and we tend to see an affair as the cause when someone needs space. Or decides to separate. And that could certainly be the case with your husband. You may never know for sure. But you need to focus on you and your children. Not him. You can't control his actions but you can and do control yours.


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## turnera

debaussie71 said:


> my husband back handed my son really hard which made my son fall over and kept yelling at him.


I would never have a man who would do that in my house again. 

Most likely he is cheating. Now he can do what he wants. Great role model. Not.


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## debaussie71

Well today I spent most of the morning at my parents place. I told them everything even right down the small things that are going wrong at the moment with our marriage. My Mum was really angry that he hit Nick so hard and that he has walked out on us with hardly an explanation and wants to call my husband and have it out with him. I told Mum that that would only cause more trouble between my husband and I and she begrudgingly refrained from making contact with him. My Mum is bit of a spitfire when it comes to confrontation.

My Dad is really disappointed in my husband that he has left but my Dad especially has treated my husband like a Son and they really get on well. 

I also sat the kids down after they got home from school and told them that their father and I have temporarily separated at this stage and admitted to them that we are having a lot of problems in our marriage and that we aren't getting on much anymore. I reassured them that we both love them very much. I had asked my husband to join me when telling the kids and he said no that I could handle it so I did. 

I got some really abusive text messages from my husband today when I told him that I told my parents and that I was telling the kids because I was feeling ill by keeping things from them and lying to them. He was really weird, nasty and abrupt which really peeved me off and so I retaliated of course. The things he said made me feel as though he was glad that I was telling the kids and my parents because he said in one of his messages that for him it feels like new beginnings and when I asked him what he meant he said I stupid and said stop bothering him at work.

My Mum is looking into a PI to see whether he is having an affair or if he is moving on or if he is just simply having time away. I am scared to see what the results will be but Mum said she is going to pay for it, otherwise the PI would not be an option because my husband and I have joint accounts. 

I am feeling really depressed now and I just have this constant feeling of loss, grief and dread like I am preparing for the worst.


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## ThreeStrikes

Next priority:

1.) Go get a free consultation with a divorce attorney to educate yourself on the divorce laws in your State/country. Ask about child custody, alimony, etc. I know you probably don't feel like doing this, but do it anyways. The children are your #1 priority now. Protect their interests.

2.) Read up on the 180. Implement it. Start working on you. Live as if you are single/divorced. Show your H that you can move on without him. Be strong. Be independent.

There is most likely another woman involved.

Sorry you are going through this. If it helps, the majority of people are happier when they eventually get through this sh!tty process.


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## debaussie71

ThreeStrikes said:


> Next priority:
> 
> 1.) Go get a free consultation with a divorce attorney to educate yourself on the divorce laws in your State/country. Ask about child custody, alimony, etc. I know you probably don't feel like doing this, but do it anyways. The children are your #1 priority now. Protect their interests.
> 
> 2.) Read up on the 180. Implement it. Start working on you. Live as if you are single/divorced. Show your H that you can move on without him. Be strong. Be independent.
> 
> There is most likely another woman involved.
> 
> Sorry you are going through this. If it helps, the majority of people are happier when they eventually get through this sh!tty process.


ThreeStrikes. Thank you for your advice. My Mum has said the same thing and is going over board which is probably making my head spin more whereby she has already called their Lawyer and made an appointment for me to see her this Thursday. I really don't want to go because I fear so much that if my husband gets any idea that I have sought legal advice that he may think this is me preparing to divorce him which I don't want. I just want my husband back here at home but he just refuses to speak to me now that he has left the house.

I know that he has been back here today because more things have gone and I mean his entire wardrobe and personal things as well. A lot of things from the study like golf trophies etc that I thought weren't that sentimental to him.

Feels as though the more I try the more he backs away so I have decided to stop and let him come to me when he is ready. I am just so scared that that day won't come where he comes back or starts to meet me in the middle somewhere to try and work this out.

I just want my family back. Jesus I am a bloody mess now after pouring everything out. Sorry for all my venting


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## ThreeStrikes

debaussie71 said:


> ThreeStrikes. Thank you for your advice. My Mum has said the same thing and is going over board which is probably making my head spin more whereby she has already called their Lawyer and made an appointment for me to see her this Thursday. I really don't want to go because I fear so much that if my husband gets any idea that I have sought legal advice that he may think this is me preparing to divorce him which I don't want. I just want my husband back here at home but he just refuses to speak to me now that he has left the house.
> 
> *I know that he has been back here today because more things have gone and I mean his entire wardrobe and personal things as well. A lot of things from the study like golf trophies etc that I thought weren't that sentimental to him.*
> 
> *Feels as though the more I try the more he backs away* so I have decided to stop and let him come to me when he is ready. I am just so scared that that day won't come where he comes back or starts to meet me in the middle somewhere to try and work this out.
> 
> I just want my family back. Jesus I am a bloody mess now after pouring everything out. Sorry for all my venting


Sounds to me like he is making this a permanent move. The "wait 12 months" thing is him letting you down easily. 

To put it bluntly, it's time to wake up. Go about your life in a business-like manner. Start to separate finances. Start to protect your interests. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

Your only chance of jolting him out of the fog is by doing the exact opposite of what you've been doing. Stop "trying". Show him what he will be missing. Limit your contact to only absolute necessities. Don't beg, plead etc. 

He is moving out? Change the locks. He wants to see his kids? He calls and gets permission.

Next time he is physically abusive, ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR CHILDREN!!!!, call the police. 

I cannot imagine back-handing my 14 year old son (yes, I have one). That is unforgive-able and inexcusable.

It's time for a reality-check, Deb. Get angry, and use your anger to fuel your upcoming actions.


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## turnera

debaussie71 said:


> I really don't want to go because I fear so much that if my husband gets any idea that I have sought legal advice that he may think this is me preparing to divorce him which I don't want. I just want my husband back here at home


Psychologically speaking, the best way to GET him back home, is for him to see you moving on and considering divorce. He thinks he holds all the cards right now, so he's content. If he sees you going along with his leaving, sees you going to a lawyer, he may suddenly go 'wait a minute, that's MY thing to do - she's supposed to be sitting by the phone waiting for me to call! Maybe I'd better rethink this.'

Honestly, though, he probably won't be back unless you discover the affair and expose it, so it makes continuing the affair uncomfortable and she hopefully stops, and he doesn't have another woman to go to bed with.


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## turnera

Oh, and order this book today and start reading it:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men: Lundy Bancroft: 9780425191651: Amazon.com: Books


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## Keenwa

debaussie71 said:


> Feels as though the more I try the more he backs away so I have decided to stop and let him come to me when he is ready. I am just so scared that that day won't come where he comes back or starts to meet me in the middle somewhere to try and work this out.
> 
> I just want my family back. Jesus I am a bloody mess now after pouring everything out. Sorry for all my venting


THere are a few things which really stick out to me in your posts. His physically abusive behaviour and what you call his "mad sex". I am no psychologist but he sounds like a very scared and out of control man. It sounds like the trigger was you going back to work which meant he lost a little bit of control over you. That scares him most likely. The fact that he resorts to violence when he is not "right" or someone disagrees with him, again shows that he feels scared and out of control, the only way he knows to get control is to use brute physical force. The angry sex is again a control thing if he treats you like dirt afterwards, like you say it's a way of using you and then making you feel crappy about it afterwards. Has he ever forced himself on you? 

Personally I hope you don't try to "get him back". He is abusive and disrespectful. Your children will respect you more if you don't return to such a man even if he is their father. He has some serious work to do on himself to address this anger and violence, and he needs to agree to do that on his own. You can work on yourself and finding some healthy boundaries around how you want and expect to be treated.


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## karole

Have the locks changed on your house. Have him served with a divorce petition. You need to get a great divorce attorney because it sounds like your husband is not going to play nice.


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## hope4family

His abuse aside, something doesn't add up. After 14 years of parenting. He is "suddenly" an abuser? What did his son say? 

Sorry, I am not making excuses as he has a lot of ground to recover for his actions. But something, well a lot of this story doesn't add up. 

Have you ever cheated on him? 

Does he come from a family where abuse is prominent? 

Military Father?

Was this a isolated occurrence or something more? 

Are his parents divorced? Is this his first or second marriage? 

Generally speaking people don't suddenly blow up like this. 

As for your marriage goes. He needs IC. I didn't catch if he is in an affair or not. If he is, divorce him, hire your attorney, and pay him to just send the papers to you and say "no" until you get the offer you want. Force your husband to take you to mediation if it applies, where an "even agreement" would have to be made.


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## AVR1962

He's hiding something from you and that is why you sense the detachment. I would suggest marriage counseling.


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## 3Xnocharm

I dont know why you would want him to come back, he sounds awful and makes you miserable. I believe that he is having an affair, my gut is rarely wrong!


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## debaussie71

Its true, he is having an affair. 

In fact, there is a younger and a I mean much younger women with him all the time. She apparently stays with him in the apartment, our apartment should I add. I have photos which were taken by the PI that Mum hired.

I don't know where to go from here. I am so angry right now where I feel like sending copies of the photos to his colleagues, our friends and family so everyone knows about his infidelity and lies. I have not approached him yet because I don't know how to.

I have however today opened up separate accounts, had a lock smith change the locks on the house and had the security company change the code on our alarm system but also putting it in my own name so he can't call them to change the code back.

I have put money into my separate account so I can fall back on funds for legal fees plus the rest of the money that was sitting in our joint savings I transferred to the lawyers trust account just in case he goes crazy and spends it all.

I am so angry and hurt but I haven't even cried I am just so angry.

There is so much to think about, kids, money, cars, mortgages etc.... I don't know what to do or even where to start. There is no way I can forgive him even if he wanted to come back. I hate the thought of him right now.

So angry


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## Openminded

I'm sorry to hear that. An affair was my first thought when I read your opening post but I hesitated to post that because those of us who are betrayed spouses tend to always think that way. Unfortunately, that very often turns out to be the reason. And now you know why he reacted as strongly as he did when you asked him if he was having an affair. 

Do what's best for you.


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## karole

debaussie71 said:


> Its true, he is having an affair.
> 
> In fact, there is a younger and a I mean much younger women with him all the time. She apparently stays with him in the apartment, our apartment should I add. I have photos which were taken by the PI that Mum hired.
> 
> I don't know where to go from here. I am so angry right now where I feel like sending copies of the photos to his colleagues, our friends and family so everyone knows about his infidelity and lies. I have not approached him yet because I don't know how to.
> 
> I have however today opened up separate accounts, had a lock smith change the locks on the house and had the security company change the code on our alarm system but also putting it in my own name so he can't call them to change the code back.
> 
> I have put money into my separate account so I can fall back on funds for legal fees plus the rest of the money that was sitting in our joint savings I transferred to the lawyers trust account just in case he goes crazy and spends it all.
> 
> I am so angry and hurt but I haven't even cried I am just so angry.
> 
> There is so much to think about, kids, money, cars, mortgages etc.... I don't know what to do or even where to start. There is no way I can forgive him even if he wanted to come back. I hate the thought of him right now.
> 
> So angry


Go to the Coping with Infidelity Section of this board and just read some of the threads. One bit of advice that is almost always given there is to EXPOSE THE AFFAIR!!! 

So sorry you are having to deal with this dear....................


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## turnera

Yes, you will want to tell his parents and siblings, and her husband/parents as well.


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## debaussie71

Starting a new thread in Going Through Divorce or Separation guys.... Its been a hell of a month.


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## synthetic

Keep your mom out of this. She will make matters a lot worse. Your kids will grow to resent both you and your husband when the dust settles and you will end up resenting your mother. 

Your husband needs to be served with divorce papers. But all the work needs to be done by you, not your mom. Your mom will only serve as a major source of guilt for you and your children in the future. Keep her out of this.


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## Bobby5000

I think you are shifting from marriage to divorce. A few suggestions. 

1. Get mad, cry, yell, be depressed, and now work on your new life, which may be better than your old one. Beyond the infidelity, there was a sense from the group (with all due respect) that he was no bargain. 

2. See a lawyer and try to get a realistic view of what you are entitled to receive and what is reasonable. Contrary to the group's and your thinking, you may well be able to secure a reasonable settlement early. There is some sense of guilt in leaving your wife and mother of your children which can result in a reasonable offer. 
Emphasize the points of your common interest such as college funds for the children. 

Sometimes it is the acrimony of litigation, spurred on by the wife's friends and family familiar with the infidelity constantly telling her she is entitled to more, that leads to long cases, stubborn husbands, and depleted assets. 

3. You don't want all the money you two accumulated going to lawyers. 

4. You don't need to like him as an ex-wife, you do have to work with him co-parenting your children. Try not to deny him visitation and recognize you two still will need to work together raising the children. Don't bad-mouth him to your children and don't get them involved. Take the high ground. 

5. There is a good chance his relationship with this new girl will not work out. He may well ask you to come back admitting his misdoings and hopefully you will be beyond that. Again if this were a single weekend of foolish judgment, you could consider forgiveness but this was a prolonged period of betrayal, lies, and emotional abuse.


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