# Dating - Any New Rules?



## audacia (Apr 27, 2013)

I haven’t posted for several months because I wanted to be certain. Certain that I was ready and able. I am so certain!

I am free after being married for 33 years to a liar and a cheat. It’s been almost five months on my own, and I have never felt better. I sleep better. I eat better. I don’t cry. I don’t walk on egg shells. I don’t look over my shoulder. I breathe. 

The biggest obstacle in my way was my own fear. Over the years, I have wanted to leave, but allowed myself to buckle under the fear. I thought I would cry and cry and feel terrible pain. I didn’t. At least I haven’t yet. I thought I would be lonely. I’m not. A weird thing has happened and I am so open to just being. I can have an easy conversation with the person at the coffee counter and feel great all day. I thought I would be sitting at home alone. I’m not. Another weird thing. I’m busier now than I have been in a decade. I go hiking. I go for coffee. I get invited to events. And even my alone time feels so good. 

I am telling anyone who has been in a long-term relationship and is fearful that at your age it’s too late to find a happier place, IT’S NOT too late. 

I’m happy to be back to visiting TAM, but now with a whole new view on the world. TAM is like a best friend. No judgement, just honest open advice. I’ve read many of your stories and it has been helpful in my journey. I’m glad you share your stories, because it gave me the ability to jump off that cliff. And only then, did I realize I can fly on my own. I’m still being a bit cautious, no dating yet. But I'm here again looking for advice. 

How long were you on your own before you decided to date? And what are the new rules out there?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

audacia said:


> I haven’t posted for several months because I wanted to be certain. Certain that I was ready and able. I am so certain!
> 
> I am free after being married for 33 years to a liar and a cheat. It’s been almost five months on my own, and I have never felt better. I sleep better. I eat better. I don’t cry. I don’t walk on egg shells. I don’t look over my shoulder. I breathe.
> 
> ...


*Basically, the two long years that it took the D to finally play out!

No new rules! Just get out there and try to have fun! That's all!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

The rules I followed were: be safe, be honest, be kind, the rest will fall into place.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

33 year marriage, you probably need a minimum of two years to cleanse, maybe even three. Otherwise you'll end up in the same sitch.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Only new rule, maybe more of a guideline, is clarify clarify and then clarify again. Until someone tells you exactly something then it's an unknown 

For example:
Sleeping with someone doesn't mean your in a relationship.. only having the we are exclusive talk does
Not seeing anyone else could mean "I'm sleeping with 2-3 FWB but not really dating them"
No I didn't have sex with that person... Well I mean we did oral one night but that's not sex
No I'm not married could actually mean I'm separated and still living at home

All those happens to me, hence my advice clarify everything.... never assume


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