# My situation has moved down to here



## feelingblue (Sep 30, 2009)

If you have followed my story from in the Coping with Infidelity forums you know that my W has been having an EA with an old boyfriend from highschool. She moved out about a week and a half after she told me about this. She was staying with family and we were going to counseling. She never really tried to work on our marriage at the counseling sessions. We stopped going to counseling because she did not want to go anymore. She has now moved into an apartment and signed a year lease. That told me that she has no intentions of trying to put our marriage back together. I decided to file for a divorce. I can't believe she would throw away so much. The kids are living with me and do not want to see their Mom right now. I can't say that I blame them but I know that is not good for them either. She told them all that is going on. She told them about the OM and that she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore. She tells me that she never stopped thinking about him. That hurts really bad. It's feels like for the 15 years of our marriage (17 years together), I have always been just the next best thing. At this point I just want to get this done so that I can move on with my life, like she has.


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## Ana_Nurse (Oct 24, 2009)

I am very sorry that you are going through this. I have not been in that situation but my brother was in one very similar and I know all of the pain he went through. It was very hard for him. It has been a little over a year since it happened and he had moved on and started a new life for himself. I never thought he would get to this point. His ex wife actually came over to my house this past weekend looking for him! She is feeling the pain of her mistake now. 
It will all work out for you... hugs


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## feelingblue (Sep 30, 2009)

Well, my divorce is now final. It has been a long and painful road. I am in a much better place now. I went to counseling and I graduated. The counseling was great, I would recommend it to anyone who is going through a divorce. I have spend the last couple of months just taking care of my kids and taing care of myself. I have lost 61 pounds! I have done a lot of research on relationships and I believe I will be a better boyfriend or even a better husband in the future if I get another chance at it. I am hapy that my struggle is over and I can finally move on. I am starting to date again (with the blessing of my children).

I want to thank everyone on these forums for helping me through this very difficult time. I would also like to tell people who are just starting this process that better days are ahead of you and you can be happy again. Thanks everyone.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Congrats to you. I hope you find lots of happiness in your new life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikey (Jul 7, 2009)

feelingblue said:


> Well, my divorce is now final. It has been a long and painful road.


I live in California, and here the courts don't finalize the divorce before 6 months, how come your divorce was done so fast? 

Its been 4 months since my wife filed and we are still struggling with the child custody mediation issues, forget about the asset division etc.

Was your wife very cooperative since she definitely wanted the divorce and hence yours was faster ?? What happened to child custody ?? How old are your children ?


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## feelingblue (Sep 30, 2009)

It was not that difficult for my ex and I to settle all the disputes. She wanted the divorce pretty bad, so she gave in to just about everything. Completely uncontested (which my lawyer says is rare). I got the kids, the house, child support and everything. In my state the minimum is 60 days. Mine took about 80 days from when I filed. I did not file until about a month after the trouble really started. So it was about three and a half months all together.


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## mikey (Jul 7, 2009)

feelingblue said:


> It was not that difficult for my ex and I to settle all the disputes. She wanted the divorce pretty bad, so she gave in to just about everything. Completely uncontested (which my lawyer says is rare). I got the kids, the house, child support and everything. In my state the minimum is 60 days. Mine took about 80 days from when I filed. I did not file until about a month after the trouble really started. So it was about three and a half months all together.


Well, thats good to hear. The real emotional trauma happens when you fight over everything during the divorce.

The good thing is that you got everything, and lost something (your ex) which was never yours, so essentially you didn't loose anything. And, now you are free to jump start your life w/o any emotional stress of sharing your kids with the OM.

one question: Does your ex make more than you do ? I am asking this as you mentioned you are now getting the child support too?


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## magmag (Dec 2, 2009)

Wow your situation sounds very similar to mine. My h had an EA with an old friend after they found eachother on facebook. We went to a few counseling session and then he quit going saying that he didn't think we could get anything else out of it. I've gotten all the "I never really loved you" "there was always something missing" etc. He finally decided last night that he doesn't even want to try. 
He will be moving out. He's said that I can have the house, the kids, the child support etc. He will even keep paying for the house. He just wants "his life back". 

I hope I'm in as good a place as you in a few months.


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## feelingblue (Sep 30, 2009)

mikey, yes she did make more money than me. That is the crappy part about investing in someone. I put her through nursing school and now was finally my time to go to school and better myself. I guess she was not willing to invest the same in me. I have about a year left before I get my degree. It will be difficult to continue because I am a single father and there are many demands on my time, but I will finish because it is a top priority for me.
magmag, hang in there. I think it worked out well for me because I did not wait for her to hire a lawyer and file. I filed while she still felt guilty and she was agreeable. I wanted to wait for her to file but when I saw that she was not going to change her mind about wanting a divorce and her priorities were not where they needed to be, I could not wait any longer. We are now divorced. We are able to talk calmly about issues and we are able to move on with as little problems as possible. I think she is going to move out of state in a month or so. That will make life easier for me but I fear the kids will suffer. At least they can see their parents able to get along. I think I did the best I could in the situation and better times are still ahead.


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