# Question for a man’s perspective



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

Hi all, I’m new here. I’m not a man but I am looking for a man’s perspective on this question as I am genuinely curious about the answer to this

When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.

I think the reason I am wanting to know is I see a lot of women that feel compared to the women in porn or self-conscious about their partners imagining “having sex with another person.” For instance, a woman who is chubby with large but saggy breasts, then she sees her husband/boyfriend watching porn with nothing but fit women with perky, large breasts, and she feels as if she is not good enough or that’s who he’d rather have sex with it he could obtain that. Is that true?

Or another example I see a lot of is women that are pregnant and self conscious of their bellies and they feel as if their husbands aren’t attracted to her and sex dwindles, but he still watches porn and gets off(imagined himself with women that are not pregnant. Thin, fit, perky breasts, no stretch marks, willing, etc).


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

When a man who has promised to be faithful spends some of his time focusing his sexual energies on other women then how can she not feel 'less than' or 'not good enough'. 
That's one of the many reasons why I would never use porn. I would never want to be responsible for my spouse feeling that way. Or treating him so disrespectfully. 

I think you are right in that one of the consequences of a partner watching porn is that you feel worse about yourself therefore have much less desire to have sex so it's a vicious circle. 
I would never have sex with a man who treated me that way. I would never share a guy with other women, I have too much self respect.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Is there a personal experience you’ve had or are having regarding this, or is it just an intellectual exercise? What’s the context for the questions?

For what it’s worth, I think it’s wrong to lump the reasons for viewing porn, and is effect on somebody, into a universal paradigm. It’s probably like alcohol or gambling. Some will have a susceptibility to addiction, while others might be able to engage porn occasionally without damage.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

AddyRNMama said:


> ....When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, *does he imagine him and his partner in that moment*, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.
> 
> ...... a lot of women that feel compared to the women in porn or self-conscious about their partners *imagining “having sex with another person.” *.....


I can't speak for all men, but I will share my perspective.

First a man's biggest sex organ is between his ears and not between his legs. Most men erotically respond to visual stimulation as well. Porn for some is a way to fire up one's hormones and some of them can feel physically good from the surge in hormones.

I would say that most married men watch porn because they are either addicted or there is something important to them that is missing in their relationship. It could be mismatched sex drives. It could be some sexual act(s) that he really wants that his wife has said absolutely not or it could be something that he is too embarrassed to tell his wife for fear of shocking her. All of those are silly things that should really be discussed between them and resolved.

My view is that as long as porn does not get in the way of sex between a couple, it should not be a problem. I feel the same way about masturbation. Sort of an Aristotle view of moderation in all things.

My advice is that a woman who is concerned about her husband watching porn should figure out how to stimulate her husband with words, with outfits (or provocative clothing), with her body, etc. She should make spending time with her more stimulating that watching a screen with images . I honestly believe most married men do not spend all night or all day masturbating to images of porn. I suspect that they watch them for emotional stimulation not ejaculatory release. Sort of like mindless playing video games or watching sports on TV.

So to that extent, I suspect you are partially right when you say, "...... imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off........." Except I don't think it is to ejaculate. I think it is to vicariously experience something emotionally missing in their life. There are some who are addicted who are different or adolescent boys who sometimes masturbate to just about anything.

Now as pron being vicariously having sex with someone else, that is an interesting question. There are lots of studies that say when couples have intercourse some of the time they will sometimes think of past partners, famous people they find attractive, etc. So there probably is some of that going on in porn watching. even it not to ejaculation.

I would say that to really have good sex, requires one to become vulnerable and let down one's guard. It is hard to let down your guard and emotional safety barriers to someone you don't know. However, the way the internet is, porn can be anonymous or at least seem that way.

Do I think some men watch porn to simulate having sexual stimulation with a woman other than their Significant Other? Yes in some cases, but I think that it is probably because there is something missing in their relationship. 

Is it being unfaithful to their spouse? I think that depends on what both partners in the marriage feel and if they have set boundaries prior to or during marriage regarding what watching porn means. Considering how common sex is used to sell everything from toothpaste to automobiles, it is kind of hard to draw the line on where watching sexy images becomes being unfaithful. 

I am sure many others have different views, but I wanted to respond to your question from one persons point of view.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Not sure about others but its purely visual for me. Its not about pretending you are with the person on the screen and has nothing to do with your partner. Men watch because an attractive woman is having sex and its visually stimulating. It doesn't mean he doesn't find his wife attractive. It simply means he finds other women physically attractive too. 

So to answer your question, he is just focusing on the body parts. It also doesn't mean he will cheat, but may indicate he would like more sex from his partner. Atleast I've always noticed my porn interest was non existent if I was in a sexually fulfilling relationship.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Since I would rather have sex with my wife, I tend to watch porn with models who have the same body shape as my wife... so maybe your husband is doing the same? Or have you caught him watching porn with models whose body is completely different from yours? Maybe this is the reason you are here asking these questions...


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your fears are well founded.
Readily available porn is this generation's curse.

A man's choice of porn likely feeds his desire, fuels his fire.

That said, _few_ men are _rigidly_ limited in their desire. Most still enjoy that which is on their plate.

Actually, I suspect some men prefer the chubby over the thin. Taste is always a variable and is habit formed.

What is familiar has value.


_The Typist-_


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Not sure about others but its purely visual for me. Its not about pretending you are with the person on the screen and has nothing to do with your partner. Men watch because an attractive woman is having sex and its visually stimulating. It doesn't mean he doesn't find his wife attractive. It simply means he finds other women physically attractive too.
> 
> So to answer your question, he is just focusing on the body parts. It also doesn't mean he will cheat, but may indicate he would like more sex from his partner. Atleast I've always noticed my porn interest was non existent if I was in a sexually fulfilling relationship.





In Absentia said:


> Since I would rather have sex with my wife, I tend to watch porn with models who have the same body shape as my wife... so maybe your husband is doing the same? Or have you caught him watching porn with models whose body is completely different from yours? Maybe this is the reason you are here asking these questions...


Thank you for answering this and giving me a different view. I know their are couples out there that have no problem with porn and I think that is great. However, there are other women that aren’t for many different reasons and I see a lot of men attach them. I think it’s warranted to dislike a partner watching porn and discussing it without being told your a crazy, insecure, controlling person. 

No, this is actually purely for curiosity. It’s actually something that I’ve wondered about for awhile and thought that I would like to get a better understanding, more reasonable view of it. I do a lot of reading on porn and other forms of social media being toxic for modern women and women who dislike it but they usually get so harshly criticized(usually that’s on Reddit), really it’s not even a discussion. 

My husband and I both don’t watch porn. I have no reason not to believe him, despite what other people may say. We had that discussion a long time ago. He doesn’t hide anything from me, is open and honest, he has no pass code on his phone and is perfectly fine with me looking at it. He’s even said in the past that if I ever didn’t believe him, he’d even get a phone without internet if he had to(that was extreme)but that hasn’t happened because I trust him, and he’s also not very tech saavy. We have one household laptop and he barely uses it and he when he does, he never remembers the password on it so he has to ask me for it 😅

I don’t watch it now because I realized as a teenager it was giving me a bad body image. I had an emotionally abusive father who cheated on my mother, called her fat(she weighed 120 pounds), and called me fat ugly also, and would constantly go on about how women were supposed to be seen and not be heard or have an opinion. I was also sexually assaulted at 5 by a friend of my older brother. I was introduced to sex at a really young age. By age ten I think, I was already watching porn. I had to be homeschooled due to bullying so I had my own computer and parents who worked full time. I had more than enough time. But at the same time, I had such poor self esteem and that wasn’t helping by any means. I became a cutter for awhile. It was a lot. I met my husband at 18. I had stopped by then and I explained my reasoning and he completely understood. His ex girlfriend who was his guest would use porn to hurt his body image and she’d suggest they watch it together but then she’d talk about how he was terrible at sex and had a tiny ****.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

AddyRNMama said:


> Thank you for answering this and giving me a different view. I know their are couples out there that have no problem with porn and I think that is great. However, there are other women that aren’t for many different reasons and I see a lot of men attach them. I think it’s warranted to dislike a partner watching porn and discussing it without being told your a crazy, insecure, controlling person.
> 
> No, this is actually purely for curiosity. It’s actually something that I’ve wondered about for awhile and thought that I would like to get a better understanding, more reasonable view of it. I do a lot of reading on porn and other forms of social media being toxic for modern women and women who dislike it but they usually get so harshly criticized(usually that’s on Reddit), really it’s not even a discussion.
> 
> ...


It's very sad when some men are very rude and offensive towards women, (and some men), who refuse to have porn in their marriages or lives.

It's happened many times here on TAM as well. I am in no way insecure or controlling or crazy. On the contrary I am so secure that I wouldn't tolerate porn in my marriage and would rather be single than with a porn user.
A lot of men will do all they can to try and justify it and attacking those who speak out against it is one of their weapons. 

Not once have I asked my husband not to watch porn. Nor he me, but we knew early on that it was a no no in our marriage and that we both saw it as damaging and as a form of cheating.

I have even seen men who don't use porn attacked in the past. Apparently they must be either lying or asexual. It's also been implied that women who say their husbands don't watch it are deluded, that their husbands are hiding it. As if they know their husbands better than they do.

Some guys want to think that all men do it, presumably to make themselves feel better I guess.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

AddyRNMama said:


> When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.


Man here. For me almost always the last one, say 95%. Part of the thing is the visual stimulation takes the imagination aspect out of it so you can get on with your day quickly

I generally preferred performers with a similar figure to my wife.

As an experiment I stopped watching porn 10 weeks ago to see if it would make any difference. I find myself thinking about the last sexual encounter I had with my wife for “material” but to be honest it’s similar to the porn because I’m looking at the same bits and bobs in my mind that I would be looking at in a porn scene and my wife has all the parts that I want and they look how I want em!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> Man here. For me almost always the last one, say 95%. Part of the thing is the visual stimulation takes the imagination aspect out of it so you can get on with your day quickly
> 
> I generally preferred performers with a similar figure to my wife.
> 
> As an experiment I stopped watching porn 10 weeks ago to see if it would make any difference. I find myself thinking about the last sexual encounter I had with my wife for “material” but to be honest it’s similar to the porn because I’m looking at the same bits and bobs in my mind that I would be looking at in a porn scene and my wife has all the parts that I want and they look how I want em!


Yes but thinking of your wife is far better isn't it. She is your wife😊


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> It's very sad when some men are very rude and offensive towards women, (and some men), who refuse to have porn in their marriages or lives.
> 
> It's happened many times here on TAM as well. I am in no way insecure or controlling or crazy. On the contrary I am so secure that I wouldn't tolerate porn in my marriage and would rather be single than with a porn user.
> A lot of men will do all they can to try and justify it and attacking those who speak out against it is one of their weapons.
> ...


To be fair, you also consider masturbation OK, but what the difference is between using mental imagery vs actual imagery I dont much understand. I feel like it's hypocritical to say one is clearly OK and the other is very wrong.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I haven’t been a porn consumer since early teenage. Back then, magazines were about the only source. Wife has always “done it” for me. We have never viewed porn together either, we too busy with one another.

Reading the posts on here from women whose husbands use porn, I imagine if my wife were watching naked men online, it would surely hurt my self esteem and badly damage our marriage. I would be imagining her comparing me to them, there is no way to compete with that. Just my two cents


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Rus47 said:


> I haven’t been a porn consumer since early teenage. Back then, magazines were about the only source. Wife has always “done it” for me. We have never viewed porn together either, we too busy with one another.
> 
> Reading the posts on here from women whose husbands use porn, I imagine if my wife were watching naked men online, it would surely hurt my self esteem and badly damage our marriage. I would be imagining her comparing me to them, there is no way to compete with that. Just my two cents


Durn, I could top Aquaman! Beat his a$$. Of course I'd hire it out.
You know, old age and wisdom. 😉🤣🤣


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> Reading the posts on here from women whose husbands use porn, I imagine if my wife were watching naked men online, it would surely hurt my self esteem and badly damage our marriage. I would be imagining her comparing me to them, there is no way to compete with that. Just my two cents.


I can see if the issue is like “my partner likes huge dongs and I don’t have one 😭” that would be frustrating and annoying.

If instead the partner is more along the lines of, “I’m not going to keep up with you in the sack.” then it’s more like a visual aid than a replacement. I’d be 100% on board with having sex with my wife than masturbating but sometimes she will go for a 2-3 day stretch where she’s not into it. IMO that’s a bit different situation than wishing for someone else.

After having stopped using porn for this aid so far I don’t feel any different at all. It’s still sad.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> If instead the partner is more along the lines of, “I’m not going to keep up with you in the sack.” then it’s more like a visual aid than a replacement. I’d be 100% on board with having sex with my wife than masturbating but sometimes she will go for a *2-3 day stretch where she’s not into it.* IMO that’s a bit different situation than wishing for someone else.
> 
> After having stopped using porn for this aid so far I don’t feel any different at all. It’s still sad.


Sure, brag about it.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


AddyRNMama said:



For instance, a woman who is chubby with large but saggy breasts, then she sees her husband/boyfriend watching porn with nothing but fit women with perky, large breasts, and she feels as if she is not good enough or that’s who he’d rather have sex with it he could obtain that. Is that true?

Click to expand...

*I honestly don't think the majority of men would be foolish enough to answer that question honestly, about whether they'd like to be having sex with the porn star in the movie or not. Men can be incredibly stupid but they aren't *THAT* stupid. 😁

Of course, all the men here will claim they only fantasize about their wives and never think about anyone else.  But let's be honest. If a man preferred an overweight woman, he can find them all OVER porn - there are categories just for 'thick' and overweight women as well as search boxes to find literally ANYTHING your heart desires on the porn sites. They're available to your husband *if *he wanted to see them, so if all he's watching is fit, trim women with large perky breasts, then it's pretty safe to logically assume that these are the types of women that turn him on sexually. Otherwise, why would he always be watching *only *them?

I'm just being realistic here.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Young at Heart said:



I would say that most married men watch porn because they are either addicted or there is something important to them that is missing in their relationship.

Click to expand...

*That's a ridiculous statement to make - that any married man who watches porn is either "addicted" to it or that he feels his marriage is lacking something so he watches porn.

I'm assuming these are religious teachings because neither could be further from reality.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I honestly don't think the majority of men would be foolish enough to answer that question honestly, about whether they'd like to be having sex with the porn star in the movie or not. Men can be incredibly stupid but they aren't *THAT* stupid. 😁
> 
> Of course, all the men here will claim they only fantasize about their wives and never think about anyone else.  But let's be honest. If a man preferred an overweight woman, he can find them all OVER porn - there are categories just for 'thick' and overweight women as well as search boxes to find literally ANYTHING your heart desires on the porn sites. They're available to your husband *if *he wanted to see them, so if all he's watching is fit, trim women with large perky breasts, then it's pretty safe to logically assume that these are the types of women that turn him on sexually. Otherwise, why would he always be watching *only *them?
> 
> I'm just being realistic here.


I wouldn't want to have sex with a porn star. That would be like throwing a toothpick into a volcano.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I wouldn't want to have sex with a porn star. That would be like throwing a toothpick into a volcano.


You'd think, but no.

Don't ask how I know. Ancient history.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> To be fair, you also consider masturbation OK, but what the difference is between using mental imagery vs actual imagery I dont much understand. I feel like it's hypocritical to say one is clearly OK and the other is very wrong.


It depends on what the mental imagery is.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> It depends on what the mental imagery is.


Well, there's a couple new motorcycles I'm looking at. Would those count?

Just kidding. Nevermind. 
🤣🤣🤣


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.


Here's my 100% honest (and TMI) answer.

If I have a certain person on my mind (be it my spouse or a past partner) I choose porn that has a woman with a similar body type and look, and (generally) whose actions closely resemble what I would get from that person (not something that will never happen with that person or that I wouldn't want with that particular person). Then I use that to imagine myself with whoever was on my mind, not the porn star (or anyone else I haven't been with). I don't think I have ever imagined myself with the porn star.

It's not a good idea to think about someone else like that (for me at least) and I try not to do that, but I said my answer would be 100% honest so...

Far more often though the answer would honestly be "none of the above". It's a visual tool to get me in the mood or make it easier, but I'm not thinking about anyone OR focusing on the porn star's body to get off. I also generally don't have categories that I go to - I choose from the front page. I will avoid things that aren't my taste but I'm generally not searching for a specific category.



AddyRNMama said:


> For instance, a woman who is chubby with large but saggy breasts, then she sees her husband/boyfriend watching porn with nothing but fit women with perky, large breasts, and she feels as if she is not good enough or that’s who he’d rather have sex with it he could obtain that. Is that true?


I guess I'll answer this part as well.

If I have someone else on my mind, then honestly yeah in that moment I'd rather be with who is on my mind and I do compare (to who is on my mind, not the porn star). 99% of the time that thought ends as soon as the solo time does. Does that make it any better? No, but I'm not going around thinking about or wanting someone or something else all the time.

If someone else isn't on my mind, then no, I'm not comparing my wife to the porn star or thinking about how I wish she had x, y, z. At most I may wish she would do something or that something would be fun to try, but that's it. And by "wish she would do something" that's nothing crazy at this point, more like "sex looks fun, we should try that". Joking... kinda.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Sure, brag about it.


For a long time (15 years) was more like a 2-3 week stretch and then it was terrible; so I know how it is.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

To be honest, if I had sex every day or every couple of days, porn wouldn't happen. I'm having no sex now, but I have decided to embrace @ccpowerslave's approach to see what happens with no porn and masturbation, but something down there is already hurting...


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> That's a ridiculous statement to make - that *any *married man who watches porn is either "addicted" to it or that he feels his marriage is lacking something so he watches porn.
> 
> I'm *assuming* these are *religious teachings* because *neither could be further from reality.*


If you reread what I posted, I did not use the word "any." I think that you have jumped emotionally to something that I didn't say.

I would further state, that I was giving my personal opinion, which the OP was asking for. You certainly have your opinion and a right to express it.

Finally, I am not against porn. I sometimes watch porn, so I have no "religious teachings" against it. So I would say that your "assuming" this is not real is likely a false assumption, at least from my perspective.

In my case my wife and I have mismatched libidos that nearly caused a divorce at about the 38 to 40 year mark, when my wife refused to have sex with me ever again. Also, prior to getting married, I talked about how important BJ's were to me and she told me they were to intimate prior to marriage but after marriage she would change. Well that never happened and was discussed through much of our marriage and during the sessions with the Sex Therapist that saved our marriage. The ST helped my wife learn that sex is an important part of marriage. My wife has still never given me a BJ and I have given up the thought that she ever will, but she still hopes that someday she might.

So watching porn occasionally, especially involving BJ's, is something I do. I have no religious hangups and I feel I do have a good grasp of "reality" at least in my marriage.

And yes I have been married to this woman for over 50 years and intend to stay married to her, because she has learned to sexually please me in other ways, because we are such close friends and business partners and because we enjoy each other in so many ways.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> To be honest, if I had sex every day or every couple of days, porn wouldn't happen. I'm having no sex now, but I have decided to embrace @ccpowerslave's approach to see what happens with no porn and masturbation, but something down there is already hurting...


Just cut out the porn.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

AddyRNMama said:


> Hi all, I’m new here. I’m not a man but I am looking for a man’s perspective on this question as I am genuinely curious about the answer to this
> 
> When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.
> 
> ...


Well, I'm definitely against porn for a number of reasons and hurting your woman is definitely one of them.

In any number of men it's just easy, unrestricted lust that is usually a bit disconnected from reality and used to get quick gratification.

Men who aren't able to make their women know that they are the objects of their lust and passion need some serious education especially if they are watching porn to boot.

It's ridiculous in this barbarian's opinion.

If a woman isn't ravished into the mattress and fully depleted, having no doubt about her man's desire for her, he definitely has no business whacking his pecker to porn.

They are little boys to me and shouldn't have tried to take on a woman.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I wouldn't want to have sex with a porn star. That would be like throwing a toothpick into a volcano.


LoL! Regardless of circumstances, they are just women. Many don't have the first clue about good sex.

Average men measure up just fine if these women were ever able to overcome their damage and have a healthy relationship.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Here's my 100% honest (and TMI) answer.
> 
> If I have a certain person on my mind (be it my spouse or a past partner) I choose porn that has a woman with a similar body type and look, and (generally) whose actions closely resemble what I would get from that person (not something that will never happen with that person or that I wouldn't want with that particular person). Then I use that to imagine myself with whoever was on my mind, not the porn star (or anyone else I haven't been with). I don't think I have ever imagined myself with the porn star.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your honest answer. I appreciate it and understand where you are coming from.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> Man here. For me almost always the last one, say 95%. Part of the thing is the visual stimulation takes the imagination aspect out of it so you can get on with your day quickly
> 
> I generally preferred performers with a similar figure to my wife.
> 
> As an experiment I stopped watching porn 10 weeks ago to see if it would make any difference. I find myself thinking about the last sexual encounter I had with my wife for “material” but to be honest it’s similar to the porn because I’m looking at the same bits and bobs in my mind that I would be looking at in a porn scene and my wife has all the parts that I want and they look how I want em!


Thank you for answering. That is actually a different perspective I never thought of before.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm assuming these are religious teachings because neither could be further from reality.


That's a fair assumption. It is true that many "religious" teachings are so far separated from reality that they are completely ineffectual to help.
We used to say "....so heavenly minded they are no earthly good..."

People engage in sin because they LIKE it. There is no other reason. It is not "addiction", and no, there is nothing whatsoever wrong in another person which in any way causes them to do it.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> sex with a porn star. That would be like throwing a toothpick into a volcano.


It's even worse when she THINKS she is a porn star.... I got the magma burns, but she was an "alpha widow" who didn't realize that her SMV had expired. Worst starfish-**** anyone ever had.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

For what its worth, as a guy I really don't focus on the people (i.e. women) but the situation. I enjoy watching real person, amateur porn and they look like many of us probably do in real life. A few extra pounds, not the best looking, not hung like a male porn star or big fake boobs.

What I do like and do think about watching those kinds of things is the SITUATION. Like where they are having sex (on a beach or near a swimming pool) or somewhere where others are watching or a threesome with some other party (male or female)

Essentially its a fantasy of all the things I have never done and will almost certainly never do. I don't expect my wife to have a threesome but it certainly would be fun to have sex on a beach or out by a pool sometime but she is not ever going to be into that hence why its a fantasy I enjoy watching.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Another thing you notice from the guys who say they don't watch porn in this thread...they have an active and frequent sex life. And who would watch much porn if you did?!

So something to consider for anyone who bashes their hubby for watching porn...maybe they can help do something to prevent it?

Not saying its the woman's fault but it certainly takes two to have sex in a relationship and if one party is not interested, that doesn't mean the other party is just going to give up on their urges.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thing you notice from the guys who say they don't watch porn in this thread...they have an active and frequent sex life. And who would watch much porn if you did?!
> 
> So something to consider for anyone who bashes their hubby for watching porn...maybe they can help do something to prevent it?
> 
> Not saying its the woman's fault but it certainly takes two to have sex in a relationship and if one party is not interested, that doesn't mean the other party is just going to give up on their urges.


Not sure that's true. If a guy is against porn use they won't watch it anyway. Plus we have had many women come here whose husband's used porn despite her being ready and willing for sex..


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Not sure that's true. If a guy is against porn use they won't watch it anyway. Plus we have had many women come here whose husband's used porn despite her being ready and willing for sex..


Oh I don't disagree BUT I can tell you its true from at least one personal experience. 

And the OP asked for a guy's perspective so here it is.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thing you notice from the guys who say they don't watch porn in this thread...they have an active and frequent sex life. And who would watch much porn if you did?!
> 
> So something to consider for anyone who bashes their hubby for watching porn...maybe they can help do something to prevent it?
> 
> Not saying its the woman's fault but it certainly takes two to have sex in a relationship and if one party is not interested, that doesn't mean the other party is just going to give up on their urges.


I'm convinced women aren't going to agree or understand this until we start injecting them with testosterone on a daily basis commensurate with the average male.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I'm convinced women aren't going to agree or understand this until we start injecting them with testosterone on a daily basis commensurate with the average male.


And I’m convinced that men won’t understand where women are come from unless we start injecting them with estrogen, give them the ability to bear children, periods, etc. and see what it’s like to have your body change in so many ways and the find your husband watching nothing but young, thin, women with big, perky tits. Please, cry me a freaking river with what men have to _go_ through. Oh, poor you, we’re insulting your porn.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thing you notice from the guys who say they don't watch porn in this thread...they have an active and frequent sex life. And who would watch much porn if you did?!
> 
> So something to consider for anyone who bashes their hubby for watching porn...maybe they can help do something to prevent it?
> 
> Not saying its the woman's fault but it certainly takes two to have sex in a relationship and if one party is not interested, that doesn't mean the other party is just going to give up on their urges.


On the flip side, a woman’s libido is often determined by how sexy she may feel. So, if a woman who just had a baby(6 weeks without sex, but that’s somehow her fault, you know she just pushed a baby out of her cooter), is breast feeding, etc doesn’t feel sexy because her boobs are leaky and sore, she’s still physically sore “down there”, and feels fat but then catches her husband masturbating to a woman —that didn’t just shove his child through a 10cm hole—with big, perky breasts, thin, fit and sexy. How do you think that’s going to make her feel? Not sexy. And do you know that means? No sex.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> And I’m convinced that men won’t understand where women are come from unless we start injecting them with estrogen, give them the ability to bear children, periods, etc. and see what it’s like to have your body change in so many ways and the find your husband watching nothing but young, thin, women with big, perky tits. Please, cry me a freaking river with what men have to _go_ through. Oh, poor you, we’re insulting your porn.


The entire MILF and BBW porn categories are over here like “am I a joke to you?”

Many will knee jerk interpret this as being pro pornography which is the complete opposite of how I feel. I’m not a fan of porn but I am a fan of intellectually honest discussions.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> On the flip side, a woman’s libido is often determined by how sexy she may feel. So, if a woman who just had a baby(6 weeks without sex, but that’s somehow her fault, you know she just pushed a baby out of her cooter), is breast feeding, etc doesn’t feel sexy because her boobs are leaky and sore, she’s still physically sore “down there”, and feels fat but then catches her husband masturbating to a woman —that didn’t just shove his child through a 10cm hole—with big, perky breasts, thin, fit and sexy. How do you think that’s going to make her feel? Not sexy. And do you know that means? No sex.


So which is making her feel unsexy, the recent birth or her husband watching porn? You said both. Maybe he’s watching porn because she can’t get past her own self judgement and won’t have sex with him despite him thinking she looks good so he turns to porn and then she sees it as validation that her opinion of herself was correct and he wasn’t attracted to her either even though that wasn’t the case.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

AddyRNMama said:


> On the flip side, a woman’s libido is often determined by how sexy she may feel. So, if a woman who just had a baby(6 weeks without sex, but that’s somehow her fault, you know she just pushed a baby out of her cooter), is breast feeding, etc doesn’t feel sexy because her boobs are leaky and sore, she’s still physically sore “down there”, and feels fat but then catches her husband masturbating to a woman —that didn’t just shove his child through a 10cm hole—with big, perky breasts, thin, fit and sexy. How do you think that’s going to make her feel? Not sexy. And do you know that means? No sex.


Doesn't apply to me...we don't have kids.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

AddyRNMama said:


> And I’m convinced that men won’t understand where women are come from unless we start injecting them with estrogen, give them the ability to bear children, periods, etc. and see what it’s like to have your body change in so many ways and the find your husband watching nothing but young, thin, women with big, perky tits. Please, cry me a freaking river with what men have to _go_ through. Oh, poor you, we’re insulting your porn.


So you asked for men's perspective, I give you mine and then you want to attack me about what I said.

So, I am done with participating in this thread.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So you asked for men's perspective, I give you mine and then you want to attack me about what I said.
> 
> So, I am done with participating in this thread.


Did I attack you? No, I just replied that your perspective is BS because it’s not a woman’s job to have sex with her husband whenever he wants it. But just because your wife doesn’t have sex with you 24/7, doesn’t mean a man has to turn to porn either. I also pointed out that sometimes porn is a man’s own worse enemy. Y’all complain when you don’t get sex but sometimes the reasoning behind you not having sex is the porn.
Not my fault you are getting butthurt because I gave an opinion on your perspective


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Doesn't apply to me...we don't have kids.


But it does apply to many other couples. Just saying. And there are many other reasons a woman may not feel sexy. Hormonal fluctuations, weight gain with age, age, menopause, cancer(breast cancer), etc. I just pointed out one reason in an example. Just because a woman doesn’t have sex with you as often as _you_ may like is not always a good reason to turn to porn because that may worsen that problem. Just my two cents.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> So which is making her feel unsexy, the recent birth or her husband watching porn? You said both. Maybe he’s watching porn because she can’t get past her own self judgement and won’t have sex with him despite him thinking she looks good so he turns to porn and then she sees it as validation that her opinion of herself was correct and he wasn’t attracted to her either even though that wasn’t the case.


He thinks she looks good but doesn’t want to wait a couple more weeks to ****? When she just pushed his baby out of her body? Oh, I think that validates it. What’s your point? That men are like wild animals with no self control.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> The entire MILF and BBW porn categories are over here like “am I a joke to you?”
> 
> Many will knee jerk interpret this as being pro pornography which is the complete opposite of how I feel. I’m not a fan of porn but I am a fan of intellectually honest discussions.


The entire MILF and BBW categories are fetishes. Not the norm. I don’t think a woman wants to feel like she’s just a fetish,


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> I just replied that your perspective is BS


You cannot ask for men's perspectives, then say they are wrong for it...


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> He thinks she looks good but doesn’t want to wait a couple more weeks to ****? When she just pushed his baby out of her body? Oh, I think that validates it. What’s your point? That men are like wild animals with no self control.


You have absolutely zero internal consistency in your reasoning and keep contradicting yourself. Make up your mind. Does the wife not want to have sex because:

1. She has poor body image post-partum even though her husband thinks she looks good
2. She is unable to because of post-partum restrictions. 
3. She has poor body image because her husband looks at porn.

Oh, God forbid that a man wants to have sex with his wife even though it’s off limits post-partum. There has been no mention of pressuring her to do such. You are triggered at the very thought that he has desire and are calling him an animal. When my first child was born my wife was so horny at 4 weeks that she pulled me into a bedroom at her moms house ready to go. She quickly decided maybe we should wait just a little bit longer but the desire was there.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> The entire MILF and BBW categories are fetishes. Not the norm. I don’t think a woman wants to feel like she’s just a fetish,


The fact that for many years MILF was the most searched porn term would argue against that. Your problem is you are refusing to accept any sort of evidence that contradicts your self centered view on the subject.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

AddyRNMama said:


> Hi all, I’m new here. I’m not a man but I am looking for a man’s perspective on this question as I am genuinely curious about the answer to this
> 
> When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.
> 
> ...


1. He’s imagining himself ****ing the girl in the video. He’s not just focusing on parts or imagining his wife/gf. Sorry.
2. Pregnant women are still sexy (most men would agree with that as far as I can tell), so there’s really no need to be self-conscious about that
3. men just like variety and are very visual so…
4. all that said, porn is not good for one’s mental wiring and is best avoided, or at least minimized


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> And I’m convinced that men won’t understand where women are come from unless we start injecting them with estrogen, give them the ability to bear children, periods, etc. and see what it’s like to have your body change in so many ways and the find your husband watching nothing but young, thin, women with big, perky tits. Please, cry me a freaking river with what men have to _go_ through. Oh, poor you, we’re insulting your porn.


I'm just asking which came first: the rejecting wife or the porn? This isn't saying sex 24-7, but maybe more than once or twice a month.

And I'm not advocating for porn, I think it's wrong on many levels. However, I do understand when men turn to it as a substitute when there are dry spells in a marriage. Sorry to burst your bubble, but men like sex and after a few days a man will get tired of waiting and just go take care of himself.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

AddyRNMama said:


> On the flip side, a woman’s libido is often determined by how sexy she may feel. So, if a woman who just had a baby(6 weeks without sex, but that’s somehow her fault, you know she just pushed a baby out of her cooter), is breast feeding, etc doesn’t feel sexy because her boobs are leaky and sore, she’s still physically sore “down there”, and feels fat but then catches her husband masturbating to a woman —that didn’t just shove his child through a 10cm hole—with big, perky breasts, thin, fit and sexy. How do you think that’s going to make her feel? Not sexy. And do you know that means? No sex.


I get where you are coming from... but would have it been ok if he looked at women with the same body as yours? I'm trying to understand...


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I want to be extremely clear that I’m actually very much anti-pornography. It’s a scourge on our society and I’m apprehensive about my boys growing up in a world with so much easy access compared to when I was young and you had to physically go buy a magazine or VHS tape. It’s had a negative impact on my life and marriage in the past and I’ve recently renewed my efforts to keeping all pornography and even titillating social media away from my eyes. Having said that I also despise intellectually dishonest discussion and I know in a relationship it’s often not 100% the man’s fault. It’s the 100% man’s responsibility to not look regardless of circumstances but there can be relationship issues that make him more tempted to consume pornography.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

AddyRNMama said:


> But it does apply to many other couples. Just saying. And there are many other reasons a woman may not feel sexy. Hormonal fluctuations, weight gain with age, age, menopause, cancer(breast cancer), etc. I just pointed out one reason in an example. Just because a woman doesn’t have sex with you as often as _you_ may like is not always a good reason to turn to porn because that may worsen that problem. Just my two cents.


I have empathy for your situation but you have to at least listen when you ask for men in general, all who have different situations themselves, to give their views and opinions.

I have a very willing and generous lover for a wife and I'm against porn.

If I was in @FloridaGuy1 's situation, I still wouldn't resort to porn but I wouldn't put up with a dead bedroom either.

I would be auditioning the next Mrs. Conan.

That doesn't mean that I am some cold asshole with no conscious.

It just means I don't put up with bvllshyt when it comes to sex and intimacy.

I personally think your husband is in the wrong as you've described your situation.

Many of the men you are talking to here, including myself, haven't behaved like your husband but we are willing to share differing perspectives.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

D


bobert said:


> You cannot ask for men's perspectives, then say they are wrong for it...


Did I say they were wrong? It’s called a discussion. I asked for a man’s perspective, yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. Why is it they men always want women to get understand them? But when a woman gives her perspective as well and how other women might feel, you don’t want to hear it?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Did I say they were wrong? It’s called a discussion. I asked for a man’s perspective, yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. Why is it that men always want women to get understand them? But when a woman gives her perspective as well and how other women might feel, you don’t want to hear it?


How is telling someone that their perspective is BS and why it's BS any different than saying "you're wrong"?


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> I have empathy for your situation but you have to at least listen when you ask for men in general, all who have different situations themselves, to give their views and opinions.
> 
> I have a very willing and generous lover for a wife and I'm against porn.
> 
> ...


This wasn’t about my husband at all. My husband actually doesn’t watch porn. I have no reason not to believe him. This was honestly a generalized, hypothetical question. Not about my husband. What I did say was that my _father_ treated me like nothing more than an object, he taught me that women were nothing more than glorified holes and objects. I was also sexually assaulted at 5 years old. I got into watching porn by the age of ten and it gave me such a low self esteem and body image problems, I resorted to cutting and had suicidal thoughts. By the time I was 18, I knew I had to stop.

My husband claims he does not watch porn. He doesn’t hide anything from me nor do I suspect him of doing so. He’s not very tech saavy anyways. He has no passcode on phone and we only a shared computer in the house that he never remembers the password too. He too had a bad experience with porn with his ex. They would watch porn together and she would always point out how the guys had bigger ****s than him and how bad he was at sex. So by the time we started dating, when I explained my perspective on it(after having to stop watching it), he understood and claims he hasn’t watch it since.

Bedrooms are not okay. However, I’m sorry, I think it’s BS that instead of trying to understand why there is a dead bedroom(usually on the woman’s part), the man is just okay with letting the marriage go like it never meant anything at all? Does that not prove that women are nothing more than objects? We’re not allowed to have emotions, feelings, sickness, etc. that can affect sex ever? If you are with a woman for fifty-sixty years, there is going to come a day when neither of you are in the shape or health to have sex anymore. And for women, there can be a lot of things that affect our sexual appetite. Periods, having children(a major and drastic change in body), PCOS, cancer(breast, uterine, ovarian), menopause, age, surgeries like c-sections. A lot of these situations are ones we can’t control but instead of being understanding, it’s okay to just leave your wife and search for a new one. What ever happened to sickness and health?


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> How is telling someone that their perspective is BS and why it's BS any different than saying "you're wrong"?


Because it’s called “my perspective” on your perspective. It’s called a discussion. That’s the difference. And I’m sorry, I refuse to apologize for thinking that a woman is nothing more than a sexual object to satisfy your every need whenever you want is wrong. It is wrong. And that’s pretty much how every man acts.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> I want to be extremely clear that I’m actually very much anti-pornography. It’s a scourge on our society and I’m apprehensive about my boys growing up in a world with so much easy access compared to when I was young and you had to physically go buy a magazine or VHS tape. It’s had a negative impact on my life and marriage in the past and I’ve recently renewed my efforts to keeping all pornography and even titillating social media away from my eyes. Having said that I also despise intellectually dishonest discussion and I know in a relationship it’s often not 100% the man’s fault. It’s the 100% man’s responsibility to not look regardless of circumstances but there can be relationship issues that make him more tempted to consume pornography.


And there could be relationship issues that could cause a woman not want to have sex? Correct? And there could also be relationship issues or reasons that could cause her not to want him to look at porn, correct? Why do men fail to ever acknowledge a woman’s feelings in this but you’ll understand why a man might act the way he does all day long and give him a pass but God forbid a woman deny him sex(it doesn’t matter that shoes just her breasts removed, or given birth, or had a c-section, or going through menopause), then she deserves it if he cheats on her and watches porn.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Because it’s called “my perspective” on your perspective. It’s called a discussion. That’s the difference. And I’m sorry, I refuse to apologize for thinking that a woman is nothing more than a sexual object to satisfy your every need whenever you want is wrong. It is wrong. And that’s pretty much how every man acts.


Most men do not think or act that way, and very, very few here will advocate for a man cheating on a woman for ANY reason - let alone legitimate medical reasons. 

My perspective is that you really need to get into therapy to deal with your past trauma.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

Godd


CallingDrLove said:


> You have absolutely zero internal consistency in your reasoning and keep contradicting yourself. Make up your mind. Does the wife not want to have sex because:
> 
> 1. She has poor body image post-partum even though her husband thinks she looks good
> 2. She is unable to because of post-partum restrictions.
> ...


A: you need to stop saying I have a lack of intelligence. Your keep saying I’m contradicting myself but I am not, you just aren’t understand. So maybe, you have a lack of intelligence and not me. 
B: I have stated before it’s because of all the above. It’s all hypothetical but again, legitimate things women go through. 
C: It’s not about him having desire. It’s about the fact that just because he has desire, she may not, and sometimes you have to suck it up for a little while, be patient, and realize that sex is not everything. When your wife has pushed a baby out of her body/or had it cut open, your main concern should not be when the next time you get your willy wet, it should be about taking care of your wife and child. If your wife has had cancer and is going through chemo treatment, I would hope the last thing on a man’s mind is sex. 
D: Good for your wife. At 4 weeks, she would not have even been cleared for sex and could have injured herself. Hell, technically speaking it can take weeks to physically recover from labor and six weeks is the bare minimum. A lot of women still suffer from pain, vaginal dryness, etc. just because your wife didn’t, doesn’t mean that is how all women feel. She sounds like she’s the contradiction rather than the norm. For myself, I didn’t rip or tear when I had my daughter because I had a premature birth and she only weighed 5 pounds. I was extremely lucky. But the one thing I did experience, severe clitoral pain for weeks. It would have been incredibly painful to have sex but God forbid my husband be horny. I have two choices then right? Accept that he’s going to go jack off or “lay down and think of England.” Both sound like great options.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Also, Reddit is a _terrible _place to get relationship advice. My wife and I go there to laugh at how bad it is. 

If you want to have a discussion, stop being so defensive.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Most men do not think or act that way, and very, very few here will advocate for a man cheating on a woman for ANY reason - let alone legitimate medical reasons.
> 
> My perspective is that you really need to get into therapy to deal with your past trauma.


Really? Are you serious? Have you read anything any of these men have said or do you just want to attack me? When someone says that they will not tolerate any dead bedroom(despite the fact that there are very legitimate, uncontrollable reasons for a woman not to want or be able to have sex), and that they will immediately leave the marriage(or start looking for another woman), how is that not advocating for cheating? 

I have read many men defend porn and by defending it, they say if they couldn’t look at porn and get their “variety” that they would cheat because they can’t help themselves. I also got told on another forum recently that if men didn’t look at porn, they would not only cheat but also have to control themselves from _raping_ a woman.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

I


bobert said:


> Also, Reddit is a _terrible _place to get relationship advice. My wife and I go there to laugh at how bad it is.
> 
> If you want to have a discussion, stop being so defensive.


Now that I completely agree with.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Really? Are you serious? Have you read anything any of these men have said or do you just want to attack me? When someone says that they will not tolerate any dead bedroom(despite the fact that there are very legitimate, uncontrollable reasons for a woman not to want or be able to have sex), and that they will immediately leave the marriage(or start looking for another woman), how is that not advocating for cheating?
> 
> I have read many men defend porn and by defending it, they say if they couldn’t look at porn and get their “variety” that they would cheat because they can’t help themselves. I also got told on another forum recently that if men didn’t look at porn, they would not only cheat but also have to control themselves from _raping_ a woman.


You are reading what you want to read, not what was actually said. Where did @ConanHub say he would leave his wife if she could not have sex due to a legitimate medical issue? All he said was that he wouldn't put up with a dead bedroom, and to me that means a dead bedroom with no legitimate reason. I seriously, seriously doubt he would leave his wife if she didn't want to have sex due to undergoing treatment for cancer. Come on. 

As to that last paragraph, that's just a load of BS and not how normal men think.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

AddyRNMama said:


> This wasn’t about my husband at all. My husband actually doesn’t watch porn. I have no reason not to believe him. This was honestly a generalized, hypothetical question. Not about my husband. What I did say was that my _father_ treated me like nothing more than an object, he taught me that women were nothing more than glorified holes and objects. I was also sexually assaulted at 5 years old. I got into watching porn by the age of ten and it gave me such a low self esteem and body image problems, I resorted to cutting and had suicidal thoughts. By the time I was 18, I knew I had to stop.
> 
> My husband claims he does not watch porn. He doesn’t hide anything from me nor do I suspect him of doing so. He’s not very tech saavy anyways. He has no passcode on phone and we only a shared computer in the house that he never remembers the password too. He too had a bad experience with porn with his ex. They would watch porn together and she would always point out how the guys had bigger ****s than him and how bad he was at sex. So by the time we started dating, when I explained my perspective on it(after having to stop watching it), he understood and claims he hasn’t watch it since.
> 
> Bedrooms are not okay. However, I’m sorry, I think it’s BS that instead of trying to understand why there is a dead bedroom(usually on the woman’s part), the man is just okay with letting the marriage go like it never meant anything at all? Does that not prove that women are nothing more than objects? We’re not allowed to have emotions, feelings, sickness, etc. that can affect sex ever? If you are with a woman for fifty-sixty years, there is going to come a day when neither of you are in the shape or health to have sex anymore. And for women, there can be a lot of things that affect our sexual appetite. Periods, having children(a major and drastic change in body), PCOS, cancer(breast, uterine, ovarian), menopause, age, surgeries like c-sections. A lot of these situations are ones we can’t control but instead of being understanding, it’s okay to just leave your wife and search for a new one. What ever happened to sickness and health?


I've been with my wife nearing 31 years so you don't need to inform me about life getting in the way.

One thing I would never tolerate is her not having a will to have sex.

Can't is acceptable. Won't can take a hike.

She wouldn't put up with it from me either.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

AddyRNMama said:


> Really? Are you serious? Have you read anything any of these men have said or do you just want to attack me? When someone says that they will not tolerate any dead bedroom(despite the fact that there are very legitimate, uncontrollable reasons for a woman not to want or be able to have sex), and that they will immediately leave the marriage(or start looking for another woman), how is that not advocating for cheating?
> 
> I have read many men defend porn and by defending it, they say if they couldn’t look at porn and get their “variety” that they would cheat because they can’t help themselves. I also got told on another forum recently that if men didn’t look at porn, they would not only cheat but also have to control themselves from _raping_ a woman.


Gurl. Your cheese done fell out of your sandwich!

You need to vett where you're getting your information.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

AddyRNMama said:


> Hi all, I’m new here. I’m not a man but I am looking for a man’s perspective on this question as I am genuinely curious about the answer to this
> 
> When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.
> 
> ...


I guess I thought you were expressing something if yourself in this post but you're saying it doesn't apply to you.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> It takes a month for a woman to recover from giving birth(which from what you just said = I’m going to go jack off because I want to just **** so bad), it takes up to eight weeks to recover from a c-section(it could literally cause her scar to rupture and bleed out but I don’t care, nobody’s touch my willy in a few weeks so I’m gotta go watch some bouncing titties despite the fact that your wife went through something traumatic, _sex_ is all you can think about). I could go on and on.


There is nothing wrong or shameful with a man having a sex drive after his wife gives birth. He's human and he has not gone through all the physical and hormonal changes. His sex drive isn't just going to disappear. He absolutely should not be pressuring his wife into sex but there is nothing wrong with him taking care of himself. 

Are you against masturbation without porn? If not, is sex still "all he can think about" if he can't go months or years without some form of sexual release due to his wife's issues? And it can take a hell of a lot longer than 6 weeks to heal from a vaginal delivery. Wonder how I know?


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Godd


You could try to address what I wrote if you don’t agree with it. Edit: I guess you did later. 

Here is the thing. As much as it may surprise you here are my actual beliefs on the subject.

1. I’m against porn. It sets unrealistic expectations, it reduces intimacy in marriage, it can cause ED, and it can tear relationships apart
2. If I found myself in a sexless marriage situation I would not jump to divorce. I would first evaluate myself and I would evaluate the relationship and how I’m contributing to it. I would work on those things LONG before I had any sort of talk with my wife in regards to expectations. Ultimatums and divorce would be a last ditch effort after exhausting all other avenues. I’m fact the very first step in the process would be to back off. This is the approach advocated by books such as The Married Man’s Sex Life Primer and The Dead Bedroom Fix which are frequently recommended here.
3. I’m not an animal, I’m not a rapist, and I’m not a sex fiend. I’m a normal male who has sexual attraction to his wife. She returns that because we have a good relationship. When she was post partum I was horny as can be because I’m a normal healthy male but I didn’t push for sex and I let my wife lead that process. She was pushing for sex at 4 weeks post-partum and it ended up hurting and we waited a little longer but it was her idea not mine.

Many of the males here will take the time to understand and appreciate the female perspective on relationship issues. It doesn’t diminish our own beliefs. It takes 2 to tango and there are often things both sides are doing wrong and when relationship issues come up I’m self aware enough to see what I’m doing wrong.

You don’t seem to be able to appreciate any viewpoint other than your own and not only do you seem to disagree with all other view points but that those people are actually evil for having them.

You especially seem to take issue with men having a libido at times when it’s not convenient for you. It’s obvious your issue isn’t even them acting on it but that it exists in the first place.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

My second son was 11 pounds and she pushed him out no epidural, no pain meds, and no C Section. We waited a bit longer than 6 weeks that time. 😜


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> I've been with my wife nearing 31 years so you don't need to inform me about life getting in the way.
> 
> One thing I would never tolerate is her not having a will to have sex.
> 
> ...


Bobert here you go.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> My second son was 11 pounds and she pushed him out no epidural, no pain meds, and no C Section. We waited a bit longer than 6 weeks that time. 😜


She’s a strong woman. I’m a petite woman. No 11 pound baby is coming out of me.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Bobert here you go.


Is there a reading comprehension component to the nursing school entrance exam?


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

I 


CallingDrLove said:


> You could try to address what I wrote if you don’t agree with it. Edit: I guess you did later.
> 
> Here is the thing. As much as it may surprise you here are my actual beliefs on the subject.
> 
> ...


I don’t take any offense to men having a libido at all. Only when that libido means treating another human being like a piece of meat. And “convenient for me?” I would say being told by a doctor that I’m not physically allowed to have sex(nor feeling physically or mentally ready for sex)is exactly a time when it’s not “convenient for me” and yes, I will take offense and have resentment when I’m pushed for sex when I’m not ready. I’m only replying to what has been said here. I’ve literally been told that men won’t accept a dead bedroom(no sex for six or more weeks is a dead bedroom) and therefor that means they’ll turn to porn or keep pushing(those are the only two options, or cheat).

You keep saying I’m unwilling to listen to others, but yet… you are doing the same to me. You aren’t listening to anything I’m saying and keep insulting me in a condescending way.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Is there a reading comprehension component to the nursing school entrance exam?


Oh, there’s the insult again. Insulting my “lack of intelligence.” I can read just fine. After all I _am_ a nurse. And have been for five years. Reading, writing, and English have all been my best subjects. Apparently it’s not yours 😝


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> I’ve literally been told that men won’t accept a dead bedroom(no sex for six or more weeks is a dead bedroom)


Incorrect. No sex for 6 weeks due to childbirth is not a dead bedroom. 

You are interpreting things how you want to, not how they have actually been said here.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Oh, there’s the insult again. Insulting my “lack of intelligence.” I can read just fine. After all I _am_ a nurse. And have been for five years. Reading, writing, and English have all been my best subjects. Apparently it’s not yours 😝


Scored in the 99th percentile on the Verbal Reasoning section of the MCAT.

Funny how you assumed I’d be impressed by you being a nurse.

That’s not meant to be an insult toward nurses. I work with many highly intelligent ones but the RN in and of it self doesn’t impress me.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> Is there a reading comprehension component to the nursing school entrance exam?


Seriously.

Anyways, there is some good beer to drink tonight and I'm going to have sex with my wife and she's not gonna say no. 😎


Have a good night folks!


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> There is nothing wrong or shameful with a man having a sex drive after his wife gives birth. He's human and he has not gone through all the physical and hormonal changes. His sex drive isn't just going to disappear. He absolutely should not be pressuring his wife into sex but there is nothing wrong with him taking care of himself.
> 
> Are you against masturbation without porn? If not, is sex still "all he can think about" if he can't go months or years without some form of sexual release due to his wife's issues? And it can take a hell of a lot longer than 6 weeks to heal from a vaginal delivery. Wonder how I know?


 Did I say it was wrong for him? Again, I don’t think you are reading anything I have said. What I have said is that just because _you_ as a man feel a certain way, that doesn’t mean that your wife does, because she _has_ been through something traumatic for her body. That’s something a man will never understand. Just because a man is horny, doesn’t mean he needs to push his wife for sex. It’s called be an understanding human being and realizing your wife just went through something you will never understand and you aren’t the only one in the relationship nor is sex the most important thing. You keep saying that I’m stupid and can’t read, but I have said this multiple times but instead of reading anything I have written, you just keep telling me that I’m saying stuff that I am not.

I’m not against masturbation without porn at all. I do believe masturbating is completely healthy. However, I still feel like it’s not something that needs to be a concern while your wife is recovering from giving birth. And “wife’s issues?” You mean giving birth to _his_ baby? He ****ed her, knocked her ass up, and now it’s just “her issues.” More like issues you created and then don’t want to acknowledge.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Scored in the 99th percentile on the Verbal Reasoning section of the MCAT.
> 
> Funny how you assumed I’d be impressed by you being a nurse.
> 
> That’s not meant to be an insult toward nurses. I work with many highly intelligent ones but the RN in and of it self doesn’t impress me.


 Yeah, okay, sure you did 😂


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Seriously.
> 
> Anyways, there is some good beer to drink tonight and I'm going to have sex with my wife and she's not gonna say no. 😎
> 
> ...


You sound like a winner. Your wife is a lucky woman. Who wouldn’t want to have sex with you? I couldn’t imagine the reason a woman would ever marry you. Must be her lack of intelligence or she’s just easy. 

All you men know how to do is insult but not read or listen and I am the stupid one. Gotcha. It’s an echo chamber in here, rinse and repeat. But apparently we have a doctor in here 🤣


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Yeah, okay, sure you did 😂


Whatever helps you sleep at night.

I actually exaggerated a little bit. I looked it up 95.1 percentile on the verbal reasoning component of the MCAT.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Did I say it was wrong for him? Again, I don’t think you are reading anything I have said. What I have said is that just because _you_ as a man feel a certain way, that doesn’t mean that your wife does, because she _has_ been through something traumatic for her body. That’s something a man will never understand. Just because a man is horny, doesn’t mean he needs to push his wife for sex. It’s called be an understanding human being and realizing your wife just went through something you will never understand and you aren’t the only one in the relationship nor is sex the most important thing. You keep saying that I’m stupid and can’t read, but I have said this multiple times but instead of reading anything I have written, you just keep telling me that I’m saying stuff that I am not.
> 
> I’m not against masturbation without porn at all. I do believe masturbating is completely healthy. However, I still feel like it’s not something that needs to be a concern while your wife is recovering from giving birth. And “wife’s issues?” You mean giving birth to _his_ baby? He ****ed her, knocked her ass up, and now it’s just “her issues.” More like issues you created and then don’t want to acknowledge.


You clearly have not read what I said.

Show me where I said a wife will, should, or must feel the same way her husband does.

Show me where I said it's okay for a man to push his wife for sex. (Hint, I actually said the opposite).

Show me where I said you are stupid.

I'll wait.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> I asked for a man’s perspective, yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.


May I ask you what perspective from a man you would agree with? Just curious.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> You sound like a winner. Your wife is a lucky woman. Who wouldn’t want to have sex with you? I couldn’t imagine the reason a woman would ever marry you. Must be her lack of intelligence or she’s just easy.
> 
> All you men know how to do is insult but not read or listen and I am the stupid one. Gotcha. It’s an echo chamber in here, rinse and repeat. But apparently we have a doctor in here 🤣


We do have a doctor in here. I’d give you my DEA number but you’d probably try to forge a prescription for oxycodone.

OK, I should stop with the ad hominem attacks but those didn’t start until you continued to claim men said things that they never did over and over again.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Yeah, okay, sure you did 😂





bobert said:


> Incorrect. No sex for 6 weeks due to childbirth is not a dead bedroom.
> 
> You are interpreting things how you want to, not how they have actually been said here.


A lot of men consider that a dead bedroom, that’s not misinterpreted. Just what I’ve read. It’s still a month without sex. There was literally a poster on here who said he wouldn’t go a month without sex before he turns to porn. Porn, not just masturbating. I pointed out that there are literally, legitimate reasons that a woman may need to go without sex for a month or more. If those scenarios lead a man to porn and can be more understanding of what she is going through, there is s problem. Masturbating without porn is another matter all together and I think it’s perfectly normal and healthy.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> A lot of men consider that a dead bedroom, that’s not misinterpreted. Just what I’ve read. It’s still a month without sex. There was literally a poster on here who said he wouldn’t go a month without sex before he turns to porn. Porn, not just masturbating. I pointed out that there are literally, legitimate reasons that a woman may need to go without sex for a month or more. If those scenarios lead a man to porn and can be more understanding of what she is going through, there is s problem. Masturbating without porn is another matter all together and I think it’s perfectly normal and healthy.


Nuance is hard. You literally think that the man who said that was including the post partum period in his statement?


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> We do have a doctor in here. I’d give you my DEA number but you’d probably try to forge a prescription for oxycodone.
> 
> OK, I should stop with the ad hominem attacks but those didn’t start until you continued to claim men said things that they never did over and over again.


Are you kidding me? I’m a freaking oncology nurse. No, don’t be impressed by that. I don’t even give pain meds. I infuse chemotherapy and iron. How are you not insulting me by claiming I’d forge a prescription for oxycodone? I’m not a drug addict.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Nuance is hard. You literally think that the man who said that was including the post partum period in his statement?


Yes, I do.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Masturbating without porn is another matter all together and I think it’s perfectly normal and healthy.


You can't even keep your story straight. 


AddyRNMama said:


> I’m not against masturbation without porn at all. I do believe masturbating is completely healthy. *However*, I still feel like it’s not something that needs to be a concern while your wife is recovering from giving birth.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Are you kidding me? I’m a freaking oncology nurse. No, don’t be impressed by that. I don’t even give pain meds. I infuse chemotherapy and iron. How are you not insulting me by claiming I’d forge a prescription for oxycodone? I’m not a drug addict.


Why is it so important that I be impressed by your career? Hell, very few doctors impress me. Medical school is just rote memorization and regurgitation of facts. I’m much more impressed by a top athlete.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> May I ask you what perspective from a man you would agree with? Just curious.


Can you read? I’ve stated what my feelings are so I’d be assuming that’s what I’d agree with. It’s actually funny, became the very same men that are insulting me, I actually agree with their statements that porn is terrible for a relationship, I just don’t agree with everything they are saying. But instead of trying to understand my perspective as well, they just want to insult me.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I’m out. What does it take for a guy to get banned around here? That would probably be a good thing to happen to me. 😂😂😂


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> And “wife’s issues?” You mean giving birth to _his_ baby? He ****ed her, knocked her ass up, and now it’s just “her issues.” More like issues you created and then don’t want to acknowledge.


Yes, sexless marriages are all the men's fault. What a horrible sex we are.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> You can't even keep your story straight.


Notice I was replying to the _after six weeks_ after giving birth. So no, not contradicting myself at all. You just keep picking two of my statements and are trying to make it look like I’m contradicting myself, Masturbating without porn is perfectly healthy. What I’m saying is that I think a man can and should be able to wait at least six weeks, especially if she had to as well. That’s not saying he needs to turn off his libido. After that six weeks, if a woman is still not up for sexual contact or at least intercourse, then I think it’s totally legitimate to masturbate. Hell, I feel like most women would find it sexy and it would help body image and self esteem if a man were to then suggest mutual masturbation(if she still wasn’t ready for intercourse) or at the very least masturbating in front of her(maybe with her in sexy lingerie or something, to show _her_ that she’s still desirable.)


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Yes, sexless marriages are all the men's fault. What a horrible sex we are.


But you just contradicted yourself. I thought a wife having a baby wasn’t a dead bedroom? The way you have been speaking to me, it doesn’t make your sex look that great.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> But you just contradicted yourself. I thought a wife having a baby wasn’t a dead bedroom? The way you have been speaking to me, it doesn’t make your sex look that great.


Can you comprehend sarcasm?


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

.


AddyRNMama said:


> Can you read? I’ve stated what my feelings are so I’d be assuming that’s what I’d agree with. It’s actually funny, became the very same men that are insulting me, I actually agree with their statements that porn is terrible for a relationship, I just don’t agree with everything they are saying. But instead of trying to understand my perspective as well, they just want to insult me.


Considering I went to school for journalism and that I write for a living, yeah, I think I can read. I didn't bother to read the rest of your post. You lost me at your first sentence.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Yeah, okay, sure you did 😂





CallingDrLove said:


> Whatever helps you sleep at night.
> 
> I actually exaggerated a little bit. I looked it up 95.1 percentile on the verbal reasoning component of the MCAT.


Yep, same to you bud


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> .
> 
> Considering I went to school for journalism and that I write for a living, yeah, I think I can read. I didn't bother to read the rest of your post. You lost me at your first sentence.


Ohh, another winner here. If you were really in journalism, you would know to read everything before you insult someone.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Yep, same to you bud


Get some sleep. The Venofer isn’t going to pump itself on Monday.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Can you comprehend sarcasm?


Can you?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> What I’m saying is that I think a man can and should be able to wait at least six weeks, especially if she had to as well.





AddyRNMama said:


> What I have said is that just because _you_ as a man feel a certain way, that doesn’t mean that your wife does,


You realize this second quote goes both ways, right?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You are clearly just here to stir up drama.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Ohh, another winner here. If you were really in journalism, you would know to read everything before you insult someone.


LOL! Where did I insult you? Are you okay?


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

If I taught psychiatry I’d have my students identify as many personality disorders as they can in this thread, but alas I’m an internist.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> After this imb
> 
> Get some sleep. The Venofer isn’t going to pump itself on Monday.


Am I supposed to be impressed now? If you were a real doctor, you would know to respect your nurses because it’s doing all the real work. If I wasn’t there to pump the Venofer or the Faraheme, who would? You? Another doctor? Please. I have had doctors come up to me ask me what order I think they should put in?(how should I know? Aren’t you a doctor?). Doctors would be nowhere without their nurses.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Ohh, another winner here. If you were really in journalism, you would know to read everything before you insult someone.


Your first sentence in that post was insulting me. Why should I bother to read the rest of it?

Edited to add: I'm not "in journalism" and I'm not a journalist.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’m out. What does it take for a guy to get banned around here? That would probably be a good thing to happen to me. 😂😂😂


Stick with the weightloss thread. It's good to keep up encouraging each other and marking gains.👍


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> If I taught psychiatry I’d have my students identify as many personality disorders as they can in this thread, but alas I’m an internist.


You mean your own lovely personalities doctor🤣

All you know how to do is insult. Making me out to be crazy gets you nowhere and that’s usually something someone does when they have no real, legitimate argument.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> Your first sentence in that post was insulting me. Why should I bother to read the rest of it?


You insulted me first sweetheart


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Am I supposed to be impressed now? If you were a real doctor, you would know to respect your nurses because it’s doing all the real work. If I wasn’t there to pump the Venofer or the Faraheme, who would? You? Another doctor? Please. I have had doctors come up to me ask me what order I think they should put in?(how should I know? Aren’t you a doctor?). Doctors would be nowhere without their nurses.


Feel free to diagnose and stage those cancers and come up with the chemo regimen on your own, you obviously know everything. Everything about medicine, everything about men, everything about pretty much everything.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> You insulted me first sweetheart


Really? Show me? Quote that post, "sweetheart".


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> You mean your own lovely personalities doctor🤣
> 
> All you know how to do is insult. Making me out to be crazy gets you nowhere and that’s usually something someone does when they have no real, legitimate argument.


What makes you think I wasn’t lumping myself in with the personality disorders. I have to be pretty crazy to put so much effort into this when I should be sleeping.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Am I supposed to be impressed now? If you were a real doctor, you would know to respect your nurses because it’s doing all the real work. If I wasn’t there to pump the Venofer or the Faraheme, who would? You? Another doctor? Please. I have had doctors come up to me ask me what order I think they should put in?(how should I know? Aren’t you a doctor?). Doctors would be nowhere without their nurses.


My wife is a RN. She saw this post and laughed.

Lord help whatever poor souls get you as their nurse.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> LOL! Where did I insult you? Are you okay?


Lol!!! Are you??? How is it not an insult to say “you lost me at your first sentence, I didn’t even read it.”


bobert said:


> My wife is a RN. She saw this post and laughed.
> 
> Lord help whatever poor souls get you as their nurse.


Of course she is. My husband saw this post and laughed too. And I am a damn good nurse. You can **** off with that ****. Again, usually the insults come when you have no real argument because up until this point when y’all in this group started insulting me, I had done nothing to insult you. It wasn’t until I was giving my perspective that the insults started flying. It’s way easier to insult someone’s intelligence and call them crazy than to admit when you may be wrong or in error.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> You sound like a winner. Your wife is a lucky woman. Who wouldn’t want to have sex with you? I couldn’t imagine the reason a woman would ever marry you. Must be her lack of intelligence or she’s just easy.


This was completely uncalled for. You insulted one of the nicest and one of the most helpful people here!


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I’m very sorry if it appears I was insulting nurses in general because I’m not. I was insulting a very specific personality of nurse that I’ve seen occasionally and knew the OP was of that variety.

You know what. You are right though. I am not the one you better be calling if you need an IV placed or blood drawn. I can’t hand out meds because I don’t have access to them. What I can do though is critically evaluate what’s going on with a patient, gather more information if necessary, make a diagnosis, and create a plan of care. Before I went to medical school I also worked as the lone CNA on a huge med-surg floor where I running from room to room all night long. Easiest job I ever had in medicine. Try admitting 20 patients to the hospital, writing detailed H&Ps on all of them all the while cross covering on 100 other patients. That was hard.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> Really? Show me? Quote that post, "sweetheart".





so_sweet said:


> .
> 
> Considering I went to school for journalism and that I write for a living, yeah, I think I can read. I didn't bother to read the rest of your post. You lost me at your first sentence.





so_sweet said:


> Really? Show me? Quote that post, "sweetheart".


How is that response not insulting? Please, tell me? I’ll wait, honey.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> This was completely uncalled for. You insulted one of the nicest and one of the most helpful people here!


Okay, troll. And he insulted me first. Your point?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Of course she is. My husband saw this post and laughed too.


So now you have to resort to lying, on top of everything else? Great discussion!

Apparently you're a terrible type of nurse to work with, according to my wife who I guess doesn't actually exist 🤷🏻‍♂️ I may need that psych assessment!


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

AddyRNMama said:


> Okay, troll.


See yah!


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

My first post to you:


so_sweet said:


> May I ask you what perspective from a man you would agree with? Just curious.


Your response:


AddyRNMama said:


> Can you read? I’ve stated what my feelings are so I’d be assuming that’s what I’d agree with. It’s actually funny, became the very same men that are insulting me, I actually agree with their statements that porn is terrible for a relationship, I just don’t agree with everything they are saying. But instead of trying to understand my perspective as well, they just want to insult me.


Uh, you insulted me.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> Okay, troll. And he insulted me first. Your point?


I'd explain it to you but I don't have any crayons.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’m very sorry if it appears I was insulting nurses in general because I’m not. I was insulting a very specific personality of nurse that I’ve seen occasionally and knew the OP was of that variety.
> 
> You know what. You are right though. I am not the one you better be calling if you need an IV placed or blood drawn. I can’t hand out meds because I don’t have access to them. What I can do though is critically evaluate what’s going on with a patient, gather more information if necessary, make a diagnosis, and create a plan of care. Before I went to medical school I also worked as the lone CNA on a huge med-surg floor where I running from room to room all night long. Easiest job I ever had in medicine. Try admitting 20 patients to the hospital, writing detailed H&Ps on all of them all the while cross covering on 100 other patients. That was hard.


That variety? I am a damned good nurse. Do NOT insult me. You do not know me at all. Sorry, I work in a job where not only do the doctors, nurses, MA’s, PA’s, NP’s respect each other and understand that we are all doing our jobs. The doctors also know they could never do it without us. So by telling me as a nurse to go “ push some Venofer” you are contradicting yourself. That’s not how any respectful doctor would talk to a nurse. You insulted me for no reason and now you are implying that because I don’t agree with you on all points, I’m a terrible nurse when you don’t know me at all. You know how I know I’m not a terrible nurse. I love my job. I love my patients and I love what I do. Cancer patients are some of the most inspiring and amazing patients. When I hug someone after they have just rang the bell on their last treatment, I know that I have made even a little bit of a difference. 

Yep, I’m out too. Have fun with that.


----------



## AddyRNMama (8 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> My first post to you:
> 
> Your response:
> 
> Uh, you insulted me.


How did I insult you? Because I asked you if you could read? That’s not an insult. You came on this thread with a clear indication that you were going to be yet another person coming after me. I knew from that very first post that you weren’t going to be an understanding person.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

AddyRNMama said:


> That variety? I am a damned good nurse. Do NOT insult me. You do not know me at all. Sorry, I work in a job where not only do the doctors, nurses, MA’s, PA’s, NP’s respect each other and understand that we are all doing our jobs. The doctors also know they could never do it without us. So by telling me as a nurse to go “ push some Venofer” you are contradicting yourself. That’s not how any respectful doctor would talk to a nurse. You insulted me for no reason and now you are implying that because I don’t agree with you on all points, I’m a terrible nurse when you don’t know me at all. You know how I know I’m not a terrible nurse. I love my job. I love my patients and I love what I do. Cancer patients are some of the most inspiring and amazing patients. When I hug someone after they have just rang the bell on their last treatment, I know that I have made even a little bit of a difference.
> 
> Yep, I’m out too. Have fun with that.


The thing is you come across as extremely entitled and self centered. You keep making comments like “the doctors couldn’t do it without us” while completely ignoring that if it wasn’t for a doctor prescribing that plan your job wouldn’t exist. It goes both ways.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

.


AddyRNMama said:


> How did I insult you? Because I asked you if you could read? That’s not an insult. You came on this thread with a clear indication that you were going to be yet another person coming after me. I knew from that very first post that you weren’t going to be an understanding person.


You assumed incorrectly. What my hope was when I said, "May I ask you what perspective from a man you would agree with. Just curious", was to get a reply from you that clearly stated the type of answer from a man you would agree with. That's all.

And, yes, asking someone if they can read (when I obviously can as I'm reading and responding in this thread) is insulting.

(Edited typos)


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Uh, OP has been banned now... lol... what I don't understand here is the stance of no porn when you can't have sex with your wife for a few weeks for whatever reason... why not? Because we would compare the models' bodies to the wife's... I asked a simple question: if we watched models with the same body shape as the wife's, would porn still be seen as problem? No answer to that, unfortunately... the whole thread turned into a total mess, when the question was very simple, IMO.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

so_sweet said:


> I'd explain it to you but I don't have any crayons.


Hahaha lol 👏


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

AddyRNMama said:


> I pointed out that there are literally, legitimate reasons that a woman may need to go without sex for a month or more.


This is true. For example if one partner is extremely physically or mentally unwell. However, short of some serious illnesses, hospital stays, etc… that’s not too common.

There is also PIV sex and then other types of sex like oral, hand jobs, etc… Even if downstairs is closed the others CAN be open.

Justsayin’


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

We had a lot of fun during the post partum period of the second kid. I wasn’t demanding it but she enjoyed giving me handjobs. It was so much fun because every time she would get a little bit closer and closer to the perineal area. I was enjoying it but made no demands because I liked the teasing and then one day…boom…finger on the prostate. It was naughty and we all had fun. That led to some back door action several months later because she decided she was open to it if I was.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I'll come back to this thread now that the OP is gone.

Maybe its my fault as she seemed to turn hostile right after I posted my views on how I watch porn as my wife doesn't want sex very much. Just being honest that I do and that's the reason. I didn't say I lust after the actors and I never said I was going to cheat. And our situation has nothing to do with childbirth pregnancy. She just ran with some of those ideas.

On the contrary I said I watched average people who make their own movies and I had hoped maybe my wife would do some of those things some day like sex on a beach or by the pool. I doubt she will but thats what I posted.

Anyway, sorry if I was the one who set her over the edge. Not my intentions at all. She asked for men's perspective in what seemed to be a legit, inquisitive post, I responded and then it all went south from there. Hence why I left when she became aggressive.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I'll come back to this thread now that the OP is gone.
> 
> Maybe its my fault as she seemed to turn hostile right after I posted my views on how I watch porn as my wife doesn't want sex very much. Just being honest that I do and that's the reason. I didn't say I lust after the actors and I never said I was going to cheat. And our situation has nothing to do with childbirth pregnancy. She just ran with some of those ideas.
> 
> ...


I think my “reading comprehension section on the nursing school entrance exam” comment pushed her over the edge.

In regards to sex on the beach it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s more constantly worrying you are going to get caught, sand getting in the wrong places, and generally not being very comfortable.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I’m actually agreed with A LOT of what the OP said. What I couldn’t get past was her “the universe revolves around me” attitude. It was obvious she had this in her relationships and in her career. She seemed to be very fixated on post-partum sex even though that is a very infrequent cause of a sexless marriage. I don’t know of any reasonable man who would think it was OK to force himself on his wife during that time period, although there are many unreasonable men in the world. What is unreasonable is to think that her man should have no sexual release whatsoever during that time period and then to imply that he’s some sort of animal or perverted out of control sex fiend for wanting to ejaculate. This would be like me breaking my jaw and having my mouth wired shut and then forbidding my wife from eating anything but blended foods until I can. It’s actually extremely controlling.

I will say this though to address the original question. Yes, men are imagining they are in that situation having sex with that particular porn star. I’ve had this conversation with my brother many times and he’ll say things like “I only like BJ scenes because she won’t do it” or “I only watch scenes with women who look like my wife”. There may be a small element of truth to that but for the most part it’s BS. As men we need to recognize our nature and then do the right thing despite our primal urges and that means not looking at porn and not cheating. I had a talk last night with my wife and she brought up the subject of cheating and said she probably wouldn’t divorce me if she caught me cheating but it would be devastating. I assured her right there that I will never cheat on her. It’s not because I don’t find women other than her attractive it’s because I have character and I know that I won’t do that and I’ll not entertain flirting from other women and will put an end to it quickly. I’m also well aware of my animal nature but I’m more than just a penis and testosterone. I’m also a spiritual being and although I love sex with my wife my bond with her goes beyond just mingling body fluids.


----------

