# Thinking about leaving my husband?



## tanya_83 (Jun 25, 2012)

Hi ive been reading TAM for a while but decided to make an account to ask about something 

ive been married for nearly 2 years to my husband (no kids yet). we argue a lot and hes the type who would say mean things when hes angry and then regret it. he told me many times to just go away from his life, but i never left him even though it hurts me. i know i might be the one who triggered him to do so, but still its his decision to do it.

lately ive been talking to my husband's old friend (lets call him P) online (i used to talk to him before i married my husband, we were realy connected but then i had to cut the contact cause my fiancee "my now husband" thought we were too close). i never met him but we are facebook friends. we're like talk for at least 2 hours every day about random stuffs (like how we interest in he same thing, life experiences, jokes, and secrets) and play games together. few days ago i told him about how unhappy i am with my husband. hes been really nice and giving me suggestions and his number, saying i should call him if i ever need him (he knows that my husband tries to kick me out when hes angry). he's always being objective with his suggestions and doesnt judge. hes really good friend.

i cannot talk to my husband like i talk to him. i can tell him anything. i like my friendship with him and my husband doesnt need to know this. i finally have a friend to talk to about stuffs, and i dont think theres any differences with having female friends (they're text and talk all the time too and shares secret). we dont text though. 

i dont get how my husband dislike im talking to him? isnt it unfair for me since i cant talk to my husband anyway? and he always wants me to go. im thinking about leaving my husband, and my friend thinks i made a wrong decision too (married my husband).

im not so sure what to do next? i want to be happy but im not sure if i want to stay with my husband.

Thank you for reading. Sorry if the story abit random, im really confused.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Stop this nonsense and put this effort into your husband. You may think this guy understands you and whatever, BETTER than your husband, but you're in the fog. Trust me.

You know you'd flip your shet if your husband did this to you...with your old friend.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, STOP STOP STOP.

If you have problems with your husband, then try to work those out. If it doesn't work, then divorce him, and only then can you talk to this guy.

You know this already.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Leave your husband if its what you feel you need to do, but not because of this guy, but because you respect yourself enough to get out of a unhealthy situation. Also until you DO leave, respect the marriage enough to leave this other guy alone until you can get out of the marriage.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Um, your husband doesn't like you talking to him because he doesn't like any man talking to his wife who's trying to get in her pants. Duh.


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

While, posters are correct in saying your husband is totally within his rights to be angry about this (this seems like a burgeoning EA...and you seem to be kidding yourself if you think otherwise)...from what you've written here (which admittedly is limited)...I'd say leave...

Two years in with no kids and you already fight a lot...that's a big warning sign to me...a quick perusal of these forums and I'd think you'd see that (for most couples) marriage gets harder not easier as the years go by

Moreover the fact that you *don't have kids *leaves you much more free to walk away from an unfulfilling relationship...in fact I think in an ideal world we'd make sure we've picked a partner that gives our future kids the _very best chance _to grow up in an unbroken home....do you think you have that with your husband?

Obviously, you need to seriously reflect on this...(make sure you won't regret your decision---even if things with this other guy don't work out)


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

tanya_83 said:


> i never met him but we are facebook friends. we're like talk for at least 2 hours every day about random stuffs (like how we interest in he same thing, life experiences, jokes, and secrets) and play games together. few days ago i told him about how unhappy i am with my husband. hes been really nice and giving me suggestions and his number, saying i should call him if i ever need him (he knows that my husband tries to kick me out when hes angry). he's always being objective with his suggestions and doesnt judge. hes really good friend.


Facebook claims another naive victim. Re-read this. It is called grooming. As in, grooming you for an affair. Any man that is putting this much effort (talking for 2 hours???) into a married women wants in her pants.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

Paulination said:


> Any man that is putting this much effort (talking for 2 hours???) into a married women wants in her pants.


:iagree:

While you are thinking of your amazing emotional connection with this guy, he is thinking of the position he wants to do you


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## heartbrok3n (Jun 5, 2012)

Try to fix your marriage, or just walk away. As you can see in this thread alone. Incompatibility is more forgiveable than infidelity. All the best with things.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

If you want a divorce get one. But know that this guy you are tlaking to is no saint. He has caused a huge wedge and you dont even realize it. You are going to become more and more frustrated with your husband if you continue talking to "his old friend"


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It's scary how easy it is to lure a married woman away...

Dude is just trying to F you. Wake up.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

SO sad how Facebook and others have opened doors for cheating spouses. It could have been such a good thing and then a big handful of people had to go along and ruin it - WS included. 

Girl - turn off the internet and cell phone, focus on your marriage for 6 months and evaluate. If nothing gets better, then leave, then you can in good concience contact your HUSBAND'S FRIEND....but not before.


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## LOSTfan (Jun 12, 2012)

I don't understand how men get the rap of being the ones who cheat all the time... are you really that naive to wonder why your husband has an issue with this? He's following his gut and he is so correct its scary. Typical emotional affair, going for what's easy.

Ask yourself this, what kind of man talks to a married woman like this. And to bootx he's a "friend" of your husbands. Take a step back and realize how sleazy this other man truely is. Even if you decide in a healthy way, that your marriage is over, how can you ever trust a guy who's willing to drive a wedge into his own friends marriage? I laugh at how women (mostly) are so easily baited by texts and facebook. Didn't your vows say something to the affect of always being there for him through thick and thin? The minute it gets bad, you lie and go behind your husbands back to start an affair with one of his friends? Trying not to be mean, but that's extremely sleazy. I doubt you'd be happy about this if the shoe was on the other foot. Honestly, with all due respect, I don't think you're ready for a real marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

"i know i might be the one who triggered him to do so, but still its his decision to do it"

Wow. So while it seems your husband does have some type of anger issues, you're feeding it AND you KNOW you are? Seems to me the both of you are in need of serious counciling whether you saty together or not!

"i like my friendship with him and my husband doesnt need to know this"

Nice. Real nice. You know your're already in an Emotional affair with his friend right? You're sharing secrets and problems you should be sharing with your husband.

I'm not saying that you should stay with your husband but there must have been something 2 years ago that brought the two of you together. Is it worth trying to fix it and get back to that?

Tell your husband that he has an anger issue that makes you want to leave your marriage and that you know you "push his buttons" on purpose. Tell him that you want the two of you to get counciling to try and save the marriage and improve it if possible because the alternative is divorce.

and for the love of God, do not have kids until you know which way this thing is going!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

You both sound young. Reminds me of high school games.


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## LOSTfan (Jun 12, 2012)

"i like my friendship with him and my husband doesnt need to know this"

I'm sorry but this line set me off the most. You like this friendship of sharing secrets with HIS friend? Uh yes, your husband needs to know this. This is probably the most disrespectful thing I've heard in a while, and I'm going through my own crap at home. Just end it with your husband, you obviously aren't in love with him. But if you decide to go with the friend after everything I just said in my post above, well.. then... you deserve what you get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Tanya, after reading this post... it is an EA. Take an extended break from the game (you know what one I am talking about). If you actually want to work things out with your husband, this other man DOES need to go. I responded to your PM before reading this thread. Honey, this is an EA, or at least a burgeoning one. I'm serious when I say to drop the game and anything else that is taking focus off your marriage. And, if he has this problem with anger... get into counseling for it.


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