# Clinically depressed - need help with wife



## zero (Mar 9, 2009)

I have been diagnosed as clinically depressed. My sex drive is down, my zest in life all but disappeared. My wife doesn't like it and we always fight, and she shows little support except when asking me about my anti-depressants. 

First a little background, a little over a year ago, I was caught having an affair. To make matters worse, a baby was borne out of it. We separated a few months, but have been living back together the past 5 months. 

Because of my infidelity, I gave up my passion (music, I WAS a musician), to ease her doubts. I stay at home 23 hours a day. An hour to go out to the store to stretch my legs. I lost contact with all my friends since I am not allowed to see them. As mentioned, I gave up my passion. I work from home, so I have little to no contact with anyone else. Basically, I feel I have lost all that made me, me. 

We fight often, over the smallest things. Usually, when I ask to go out or do something other than stay at home. And when the fight escalates, she always brings back my infidelity and I have no answer for that since I know I am wrong. She also threatens to leave me constantly, and she hurls insults at me, belittles me, and curses. When I ask why, she always uses my infidelity as an excuse. And I have no answer for that. 

During the time we were separated, I was depressed naturally. But unnaturally so. So I went to see a doctor. She accompanied me to make sure I wasn't lying or anything. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed, and have been ever since I was about 7 years old. 

Now, when I am feeling down, I am afraid to open up to her. She makes me feel she doesn't give a damn about my depression. In fact, when the topic of my sickness comes up, she rolls her eyes and says I make it an excuse. So I keep my mouth shut about my depression. 

Now, I feel lower than ever. To recap why I am more depressed than ever. I am stuck in the house for 23 hours a day. I have no friends to talk to. My only outlet, music, has been cut off. My other passion, photography can't be expressed since I am not allowed to go out unless I need to (work related, pay the bills, grocery, etc). The smallest infraction, we fight and I always get blamed because of my infidelity (don't get me wrong, I know it's wrong and have been remorseful ever since). Plus, when my depression comes up, she feels I am just using it against her. Add to that my low libido due to depression, things are not looking up. Sometimes I wish I had a more "tangible" sickness like cancer instead to get her to understand me... 

Sorry for the long post. I don't even have a real question to ask of you guys. I guess I just wanted to let out and hear other's opinions...

Thanks.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

When i was having problems with my H i basically wanted him to be under lock and key, too. its really a very warped way of trying to get back what was lost. my H got depressed too, since he gave up the things he loved. but of course that is no way to live. You'll have to learn to assert your needs, even in the face of her freaking out. which she will. she might even threaten to leave, or actually leave. but you'll have to ask yourself which is worse. 

And dont expect her outburts to diminish any time soon. if you stay you can be sure the next few years will be like that. dont expect her to care about your depression. its kind of ludicrous that you would even expect her too. it suggests you are extremely selfish.


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