# Husband Won't Wear Ring



## smallfishbigpond (Jul 4, 2011)

My marriage is basically in shambles. We are at the point where I fear things can't be mended. This really is an issue apart from all the dysfunction, but still bothering me substantially.

My husband oftentimes forgets to wear his ring (he takes it off to sleep, play golf, lift weights). He had been pretty good as of late in terms of wearing it to work and on weekends. We had a terrible fight a few days ago. He went out the next day without his ring on. When he came home, I said calmly and intently, "I know you probably forgot to wear your ring unintentionally, but I would really appreciate it if you would wear it, even when you are angry with me. You know that is means a lot to me." He told me to stop telling him what to do and to stop nagging him. Then yesterday, out of the blue, he whipped his ring into the dresser drawer and said "I won't be wearing this ring ever again. All it does is bring me misery when you point out the fact that I'm not wearing it. Now, all I think of when I look at it is bad memories and I don't want anything to do with it. I never want you to bring this up again, ever." And that was that!

I am hurting due to a number of other reasons in our marriage and what we have come to, but this is kind of icing on the cake. There are many things that I can deal with- long work hours, him going away on boys' golf weekends frequently, being unemotional... but this was something that I asked of him and hold a great deal of importance for. I feel disrespected, but he says he feels disrespected by me "nagging" him to wear it (I believe that I am not nagging when I ask in the way stated above).

Any thoughts or suggestions would be most appreciated. I have a hundred things to work though, but this one I just don't know how to tackle.


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

To me, my ring represents my commitment to my wife and our marriage. So the fact that I really haven't worn it in six months hurts. But, as I've told her, I won't wear it when it mean so much to me and our marriage means so little to her.


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

My ring means nothing to me. It is not that I dislike my marriage, I just don't do the symbology route. It is just another piece of jewellery and will be worn only when my wife and I attend social engagements. It means something to her when I wear it, but it is still just a chunk of metal wrapped around a finger. 

I think that if you are so focussed on the ring meaning something you are in for a world of hurt when your other half doesn't. You should be focussing on the values that are behind the ring instead of the ring itself.... ie; compassion, loyalty, care, patience, love, commitment. Notice I do not put love first, nor commitment, with everything else first the last two will follow naturally.

Just my 2c worth.


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## sara_metricfan (Jul 5, 2011)

Rings don't make a marriage.

Do you possibly believe that a ring will stop him from cheating or behaving badly? Because he can just as easily put it in his pocket or leave it in the car.

Personally, I don't wear a ring. It honestly bothers me. Wearing a ring doesn't suddenly put blinders on me where I ignore all members of the opposite sex. My husband doesn't wear a ring either and it doesn't bug me. 

We actually do own rings as well. His and mine are tucked away in my jewelry box. I don't wear mine because it's uncomfortable, personally I dislike jewelry and well he just doesn't wear rings at all because of his job.

Maybe you should look deeper into the underlying issue here.

---well that's just what I think.

Good luck!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Mephisto said:


> My ring means nothing to me. It is not that I dislike my marriage, I just don't do the symbology route. It is just another piece of jewellery and will be worn only when my wife and I attend social engagements. It means something to her when I wear it, but it is still just a chunk of metal wrapped around a finger.
> 
> I think that if you are so focussed on the ring meaning something you are in for a world of hurt when your other half doesn't. You should be focussing on the values that are behind the ring instead of the ring itself.... ie; compassion, loyalty, care, patience, love, commitment. Notice I do not put love first, nor commitment, with everything else first the last two will follow naturally.
> 
> Just my 2c worth.


I feel similarly. Although personally, I wouldn't say they (engagement and wedding ring) mean nothing to me. I am reminded of our special day when I look at them and I like the sparkle  but I take them off before I go to sleep, don't wear in the shower, or if I'm just at home doing chores. I have on occasion forgotten to wear them when going out during the day, but that's rare. The rings and getting married were never important to me though. I just wanted to be with him. End of story. The ring is more important to my H. To him it really does symbolize our love. But that's just what it is, isn't it? A symbol. I don't _need_ a symbol to know I'm loved.

This is such a personal thing, but I say if he's still respecting the relationship, don't nag him about the ring. If he's with you, he's with you. Others will disagree about this but this is my 2c too.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I think that if you both agree it's not important to wear a ring before you are married then that is fair enough.

A ring may just be a symbol to some, but symbols and gestures and actions are what makes a marriage. I can understand why it is very important to her and for him to behave that way and dismiss it baffles me. If you love someone and they want you to wear your wedding ring, then you just wear it, because it is a very simple gesture and huge symbol. 

By taking it off he is saying what is important to you does not matter to me.


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## marilee (Jul 24, 2009)

My husband won't wear his either. He says he doesn't like wearing jewelry, I say that since he has a history of being inappropriate with other women, he ought to wear it. But he won't.

So I took mine off too. It didn't bother him at first, but I recently lost a bunch of weight and now it agitates him quite a bit to know that I'm at work, our running errands, etc., not wearing my wedding ring. I told him that when he starts wearing his, I'll start wearing mine again.

Not sure this is all that healthy, but it's an interesting game of marital chicken.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

I sometimes forget to put my ring back on as well, so I know this happens. I take it off for certain exercises and sports but I always have it with me in my pocket or pack. My wife wants me to wear it 100% of the time and in part to mark me as taken in addition to to the symbol of our marriage. I don't like jewlery either but I have grown fond of the ring and get lots of comments on it. I take it off to protect the ring and myself so the wife understands. Recently i have been forgetting to take it off more than forgetting to put it on. It awkward to remove while climbing on lead and the only good hold is a hand crack.

Anyway the ring issue sounds like a small thing compared to your issues of "dysfunction". Don't worry about it because if you resolve the other issues probably the ring issue will be addressed as well.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

A ring won't stop someone cheating but I am glad my h and I wear ours. We love them because they represent us. We are also proud to be married to one another. I rarely have mine off. Same for him. We discussed the importance of rings prior to marriage. I wouldn't marry a man who wouldn't wear the ring I gave him on our wedding day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ms.R (Jun 4, 2012)

@smallfishbigpond...aren't you overromanticizing a ring? It's not the ring that's an issue, it's your marriage. 

I know a lot of guys who don't wear their wedding band bec it's uncomfortable. Give your husband a break..it's only a ring! I only wear a simple thin gold band and I don't wear my big rock rings because they're uncomfortable and could also be stolen.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I guess my hubby and I are oddballs. To us... a ring symbolizes our love, it's a token we would be proud of and one we would have no trouble showing off. You can call it over romanticizing if you wish but it does symbolize alot, especially the promise and commitment one has made to their significant other. Now sure i guess some of you may find jewelry uncomfortable... and thats understandable.. but a wedding ring.. is not just a ring ... not in my eyes anyways. Its certainly not something you can just get out of a cereal box and it means alot more, at least to me and my hubby it does. I say she (OP) and her husband should probably go to counseling to see what all the issues they have in the marriage are. As with everyone.. I do agree that it's not just about the ring.. and clearly .. from OP's post... the hubby seems to have some sort of issue that needs resolving. It seems.. resentment may be a big part?


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

I think if your marriage is solid and you are committed and happy together then the presence or absence of a ring shouldn't really matter. 

Similarly, if your marriage is falling apart and has lot of issues, even in that case, the presence or absence of a ring doesn't make any difference.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

I wear both my engagement and wedding rings all the time. Looking at them brings a smile to my face because they remind me of our love story; I enjoy how they sparkle; and I get many compliments on them.

My husband, however, ended up not enjoying the feel of the band we got him. Plus, given the nature of his later job, wearing his ring became a hazard. He took it off and put it back in the box. 

First, I strung it on a nice chain and asked if he would wear it inside his shirt. He agreed, but usually forgot. I expressed that it felt to me like he was forgetting a little piece of our marriage when he did that. So, all on his own, he bought an easily replaceable hematite band that he says feels friendlier on his finger, and now he wears that. Both of us are happy with the solution.

smallfishbigpond, I know you have other issues going on in your marriage, but perhaps this one you can tackle in a similar way to how we did.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I never wore a ring. hate it.

ring has nothing to do with how much he loves you. I show my wife how much I love her many time through out the day and in my commitment to be a good husband father provider.

quit making your marriage about a stupid ring.


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## Haniel (Feb 27, 2011)

My husband doesnt wear his as he finds it uncomfortable as well . I think the more you push at him to wear it the more he will relent like he is doing already , i totally understand it means alot to you but at the end of the day is it worth all the hassle ? I would stop going on at him about it .


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

When my husband was working, he was unable to wear his ring to work. He tried for awhile, but as an auto tech, he would get it snagged on something. It didn't take long and he just took it off and kept it on his keychain while at work. Eventually, we both stopped wearing our rings. When he stopped working (health issues) we got replacement rings because his got lost in one of our moves and I wanted one that matched, or nearly matched, his new one. We wear them everyday except when cleaning or sleeping.


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## swimmingaggie (Jun 1, 2012)

I think you have bigger problems to solve than wearing or not wearing a ring. It's like a dam's about to explode and you're worried about a spider web. Fix the underlying problem, and then you'll be able to discuss the ring wearing in a calm manner where both of you can come to a compromise.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

In this case I think the ring represents everything that's wrong with your marriage. Because you made an issue of the ring he's begun to use it as a weapon. The ring is merely a symptom of a sick marriage. By the way, I hate jewlery and don't wear a ring. However, I'm committed to my wife.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

This thread is almost a year old and the OP has not been back since that post?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> This thread is almost a year old and the OP has not been back since that post?


:lol::lol: i didnt even CATCH that!!!


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

Sigh. I need to pay better attention to the necroposting.


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## cocovas09 (Jun 3, 2012)

sounds like you have bigger fish to fry... i wouldnt worry about something so trivial. 

you've made such a bad association with it for so long.. that's why he stopped. maybe that's good. he doesnt want to look at it and hate you every time. i'd let it go... maybe one day you can help him have good associations with it.. but i wouldnt expect any miracles. 

let it go hun... you're only making things worse by irritating him about such small things.


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## Ms.R (Jun 4, 2012)

Haniel said:


> My husband doesnt wear his as he finds it uncomfortable as well . I think the more you push at him to wear it the more he will relent like he is doing already , i totally understand it means alot to you but at the end of the day is it worth all the hassle ? I would stop going on at him about it .


I agree. Prince William doesn't wear a ring. And Kate Middleton doesn't mind. As in...all the ladies here who overromantize rings as tho the ring were actually your marriage....snap out of it. It's only a piece of metal. If the guy doesn't like you, no matter how expensive your ring, he's still not going to pay attention to you and will hate you even more if you keep harping on a ring...just a ring!

I have read all these horrible things about women wanting their engagement rings and marriage rings to be at least 3x a monthly salary of a guy. Give me a break! It doesn't matter...why do people make such big deal of rings?


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