# My girlfriend ditched me to hang out with my best friend ?



## Angryone2002 (Oct 9, 2020)

My girlfriend [18F] made plans with me [19M] to hang out yesterday. She is friends with my best friend since we all work together. He called her yesterday and asked to hang out which conflicted with our plans. She asked if it was ok to go with him and invited me. I couldn't go at the time they were hanging out. I told her it was fine, even though i was as mad she was ditching our plans for that day. Maybe i should've told her.

She said she would come over to my place after they were done if she could. Their event got over at 9pm and she hung out with him past midnight at the store for food and then went to his house. She never texted me to tell me she wasn't coming over, so she again ditched the 2nd plan she made to see me.

I'm pissed because she chose him over me twice in one day. I haven't seen her in a week because we are both busy college students at different schools. I was also uncomfortable because i found out a couple weeks ago that she had a crush on him last year and he had one on her. Somehow she managed to be mine though and they stayed friends. Not sure what to think of the situation or how to approach her and discuss it. I know if her best friend was attracted to me and i reciprocated, then decided to cancel our plans to hang out with her best friend instead until late at night she would be pissed too.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Your best friend...is not your best friend. Do yourself a favor. Find a new GF and best friend. Your GF has appeared to chosen your best friend.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Most assuredly this gf has moved on.

Don't think twice. You need to be seeing another girl tonight. 

And don't call or text the old gf. Let her go.
She knows what she's chosen and is ok with it.
It is part of your young life experience. Don't freak out, don't make a big deal of it.

You're 19. Easy in easy out should be your relationship watch words.

If you do as I say you'll be all better in a day or two.

The best way to let one girl go is to fall into the arms of a different woman, at your age. 
Guaranteed.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

You think they were just "Hanging out" until past midnight? I would ditch her and supposed friend.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> You think they were just "Hanging out" until past midnight? I would ditch her and supposed friend.


And you still may be a friend, not best friends but friends with the guy in a year or two. She'll do the same to him, all will be growing and learning about life, you may still be fishing buddies.

His hormones were doing his thinking and talking, everybody does dumb sh!t at that age. 
SHE gave him the green light, alchohol likely involved, there you go.

Everyday should be a hunt for a girl at this stage in life.

Don't let this weigh on you. It had nothing to with you. 

Learn, move forward!!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You don't have a best friend and you no longer have a girlfriend. Those are the breaks.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

When they show you what they really are, believe them.
You would be best served by referring to both of them as your ex Girlfriend, and ex friend and move on.


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## Angryone2002 (Oct 9, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> You don't have a best friend and you no longer have a girlfriend. Those are the breaks.


You think so?


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## Angryone2002 (Oct 9, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> When they show you what they really are, believe them.
> You would be best served by referring to both of them as your ex Girlfriend, and ex friend and move on.


Really ?


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## Angryone2002 (Oct 9, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> You think they were just "Hanging out" until past midnight? I would ditch her and supposed friend.


Thats what my dad said


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## Angryone2002 (Oct 9, 2020)

I still feel like confronting them and see what they have to say


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

So, @Angryone2002 , what are you going to do?

Lay around and cry or just move on? 

That's the only choice you have. There is no other. Period.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Angryone2002 said:


> Really ?


Absolutely, unless you like being disrespected, used and the butt of their jokes.
Also, it would appear that the GF broke two promises to you and was sketchy in disclosing info to you about their feelings for each other.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Angryone2002 said:


> I still feel like confronting them and see what they have to say


You know what they did.

Why do you believe you need to hear what they have to say?

Do you not have any dignity?

How you act will be known among all your friends. If weenie, then weenie notice is passed around. 

If manly, can handle life, then that reputation will be passed around. 

Which do you prefer?


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## Doug Dimmadome (Oct 9, 2020)

You're still so young. Heed everyone's advice. Move on. You'll be happier in the long run.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Angryone2002 said:


> I still feel like confronting them and see what they have to say


There are no points for being a good person. It is not a game.
**** happens. Suffer. Move on.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

She had two options, hang out with her boyfriend who she hadn’t seen in a week, or hang out with his best friend. And given the choice she freely picked him. That should tell you all you need to know. 

If you confront them, she may say, oh no honey I love you and I want to be with you. But if her ACTIONS don’t tell you this, she is just telling you want you want to hear and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. 

Actions speak louder than words. Effort reflects interest. If she wants Into you, she would put in the effort.


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## Angryone2002 (Oct 9, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> She had two options, hang out with her boyfriend who she hadn’t seen in a week, or hang out with his best friend. And given the choice she freely picked him. That should tell you all you need to know.
> 
> If you confront them, she may say, oh no honey I love you and I want to be with you. But if her ACTIONS don’t tell you this, she is just telling you want you want to hear and doesn’t want to her your feelings.
> 
> Actions speak louder than words. Effort reflects interest. If she wants Into you, she would put in the effort.


Good point


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

You are young. This is part of life. Many of us went through similar events. We went through it without the benefit of an online discussion forum such as this. 

What I know for sure, is that years from now you will be with an awesome woman and you will look back at the bullet you dodged. 

Dodge that bullet, son.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Angryone2002 said:


> You think so?


Yep!

That said try not to lose any sleep over it, since there are plenty of other women out there.

So do have fun.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I would not text or call her (or him) again. That will bother her...as much as she is fine with seeking out someone else, it will hurt her ego that you just stopped contacting her. She needs to learn a lesson.

she will Most likely call again and give you some sob story. Don’t believe a word of it. 

You sound like a nice guy...go find someone who wants to spend her time with you!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When single, we are all entitled to our friends and our lovers.

Those entitled two, your GF and BMF, _singled you_ out of her life.

At this age that you do remain, instant gratification reigns.

Promises, are promises made today, selfishly forgotten, soon after.

Those who do well at this stage of life, are those social surfers.
And, those who do not take everything, deadly serious.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Angryone2002 said:


> My girlfriend [18F] made plans with me [19M] to hang out yesterday. She is friends with my best friend since we all work together. He called her yesterday and asked to hang out which conflicted with our plans. She asked if it was ok to go with him and invited me. I couldn't go at the time they were hanging out. I told her it was fine, even though i was as mad she was ditching our plans for that day. Maybe i should've told her.
> 
> She said she would come over to my place after they were done if she could. Their event got over at 9pm and she hung out with him past midnight at the store for food and then went to his house. She never texted me to tell me she wasn't coming over, so she again ditched the 2nd plan she made to see me.
> 
> I'm pissed because she chose him over me twice in one day. I haven't seen her in a week because we are both busy college students at different schools. I was also uncomfortable because i found out a couple weeks ago that she had a crush on him last year and he had one on her. Somehow she managed to be mine though and they stayed friends. Not sure what to think of the situation or how to approach her and discuss it. I know if her best friend was attracted to me and i reciprocated, then decided to cancel our plans to hang out with her best friend instead until late at night she would be pissed too.


lol, These petty games of youth. 

Bottom line. This is not a good match for you. She isn't a good girlfriend. Your "friend" isn't a good friend. 
You date people to try them on and see how they fit. She does not fit. Do not put yourself through this drama. She is a cheater.....or a future cheater in the making. 
Dump her....move on. Ask out lots of other young ladies and find a better fit. This one is not for you.


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## Momma101 (Sep 30, 2020)

You haven't seen your girlfriend in a WEEK (assuming that you two hang out almost every day) ditches plans to hang out with you her BOYFRIEND and instead decides to hang out with your "best friend " on the day that you two were supposed to meet , spends ALL DAY with him and almost not returning your texts/calls all the way till midnight?


**** BOTH of them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

https://cdna.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/013/719/466/large/assis-leite-conan-vs-red-sonja-color-sample1-by-assis-leite.jpg?1540840290



More of this youngster.

Barbarian up. Get smarter and find a woman, as opposed to a girl, that will have your back instead of stabbing you there.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It is rather obvious what's going on.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

I agree that you need to move on from both of them. But keep in mind that having a serious relationship in college (especially when 18 and going through huge lifestyle changes)...and different schools has a lot stacked against it. What they did was not nice but don't waste your time with hate. A lot of the advice is basically to "find a better person". I don't think this should be your mindset. You're 19 and there is a lot of time for serious relationships. For many, college is a time for trying different things, including fast evolving circles of friends and dating. Obviously serious relationships do happen but if you put too much emotional investment in them, it's likely you're going to get hurt again (and again).

Go with the flow and recognize that the relationship falling apart was likely inevitable. Obviously it's extra hurtful that your friend was involved and moving on from them is the best course of action from what you've said.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Angryone2002 said:


> I still feel like confronting them and see what they have to say


When I was your age if that had happened she would be history!!

No if’s, ands, or buts!

Dumped my first long term girlfriend for less of an insult than that.

For future reference if you don’t like something say so.

You agreed even though you were upset. You were upset for a good reason.

You may be young but that’s no excuse to be lackey to someone who has So little respect for you.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

notmyjamie said:


> I would not text or call her (or him) again. That will bother her...as much as she is fine with seeking out someone else, it will hurt her ego that you just stopped contacting her. She needs to learn a lesson.
> 
> she will Most likely call again and give you some sob story. Don’t believe a word of it.
> 
> You sound like a nice guy...go find someone who wants to spend her time with you!


The above is how I would approach it. What she and your so called friend did was unacceptable, there's no reason to even have a discussion about it. Erase both of them from your life.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Angryone2002 said:


> My girlfriend [18F] made plans with me [19M] to hang out yesterday. She is friends with my best friend since we all work together. He called her yesterday and asked to hang out which conflicted with our plans. She asked if it was ok to go with him and invited me. I couldn't go at the time they were hanging out. I told her it was fine, even though i was as mad she was ditching our plans for that day. Maybe i should've told her.
> 
> She said she would come over to my place after they were done if she could. Their event got over at 9pm and she hung out with him past midnight at the store for food and then went to his house. She never texted me to tell me she wasn't coming over, so she again ditched the 2nd plan she made to see me.
> 
> I'm pissed because she chose him over me twice in one day. I haven't seen her in a week because we are both busy college students at different schools. I was also uncomfortable because i found out a couple weeks ago that she had a crush on him last year and he had one on her. Somehow she managed to be mine though and they stayed friends. Not sure what to think of the situation or how to approach her and discuss it. I know if her best friend was attracted to me and i reciprocated, then decided to cancel our plans to hang out with her best friend instead until late at night she would be pissed too.


No brainer here. He is not your best friend he is a snake, and she is extremely untrustworthy.
dump them both.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

From experience watching so many relationships over the years:
A man or woman in a relationship hanging out with the opposite sex is a recipe for disaster.

New age stuff about having friends of opposite sex to hang out with is contrary to facts and human nature.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So what have you done?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Chalk this mess up to gained experience. Learn from it. Actions do speak louder than words. Erase any hurt you may feel temporarily with the gratitude that you learned who she is/what he is before further relationship boundaries. Your gut was telling you this was not good, but you did not act with selfishness. Truth, no matter how difficult, is always your best friend.

You sound like you may need more closure? That would just be pain-shopping to me! Be the man you want to become--carry on.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Angryone2002 said:


> My girlfriend [18F] made plans with me [19M] to hang out yesterday. She is friends with my best friend since we all work together. He called her yesterday and asked to hang out which conflicted with our plans. She asked if it was ok to go with him and invited me. I couldn't go at the time they were hanging out. I told her it was fine, even though i was as mad she was ditching our plans for that day. Maybe i should've told her.
> 
> She said she would come over to my place after they were done if she could. Their event got over at 9pm and she hung out with him past midnight at the store for food and then went to his house. She never texted me to tell me she wasn't coming over, so she again ditched the 2nd plan she made to see me.
> 
> I'm pissed because she chose him over me twice in one day. I haven't seen her in a week because we are both busy college students at different schools. I was also uncomfortable because i found out a couple weeks ago that she had a crush on him last year and he had one on her. Somehow she managed to be mine though and they stayed friends. Not sure what to think of the situation or how to approach her and discuss it. I know if her best friend was attracted to me and i reciprocated, then decided to cancel our plans to hang out with her best friend instead until late at night she would be pissed too.


You are YOUNG and in college, don't waste your time on a girlfriend like that, let your "friend" have her. Make new friends and make the best of the the adventure that you have right now, it only comes once.

And just tell her your not feeling it anymore. Don't make a show of it or anything just don't text or call then when she calls you say "ahh, I think I'm done, but it was fun, no hard feelings. Ok bye". Then ghost. You will be the one who got away. It will suck for her, as it should. 

Then go out and find someone new who you can hang out with at your school every day. Enjoy your time.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Looks like your girlfriend has found another boyfriend.

I’d ditch both of them. Sorry. They’re both not worth the time and trouble. Better to find out now than later.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

At 19, there are so many nice girls around. Why to give up your dignity on one that doesn’t care as much about you as you care about her?

Someone earlier here gave you best advise: don’t call, don’t text, go have fun. Believe me -this will hit her way more than you calling her and demanding explanations. You will take the power to hurt you away from her.
Don’t let her see you are hurting (women cry into pillow and then out make up and a big smile and move on.) Find a guy’s way to deal with the emotions. In couple days the worst will be over and you will see that moving on is the best option. 

If you keep calling her, asking for explanations -you giving her power over you, you flatter her by your caring. And for what? You never going to trust what she said anyway.
Learn from it for the future: speak up when you don’t like something (respectfully and assertively, not angrily) , and figure out what are your boundaries in the relationship, and stick to it. If something doesn’t feel right for, it’s because it isn’t right for you.


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## Kendahke (Sep 28, 2020)

Angryone2002 said:


> Maybe i should've told her.


Yes, you should have told her.
Your girlfriend isn't acting like she's got a boyfriend.


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## Kendahke (Sep 28, 2020)

Angryone2002 said:


> Thats what my dad said


Your dad is right.
They had sex.
Cut them both out of your life without so much as a "by your leave". Let her wonder--he'll already know what's up. Keep mutual friends out of your business. Anyone who tries to plead her side, cut them loose--they're not your friend.
Block her number, block her on social media, put your account on restricted so she can't grab someone else's phone and stalk you and go find a new girlfriend where you are. She deserves to not know.


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