# Are we getting too comfortable?



## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

I've been dating my man for 10 months now and living with him for the past 1 month. 

I didn't expect that our current situation would be all romance and fairytales but it sure is moving to mundane.

He's a very deliberate type of person and my guess is that he's had our relationship all planned out in his mind for months now (he's sticking with me) and doesn't feel the need to work on the relationship so much anymore.

I have gotten to know him well in the past 10 months but since we've moved in together, I'm feeling like I'm knowing him less. We don't really talk anymore about hopes/dreams/likes/dislikes and have moved into talking about our day and our future plans (finances, trips we have to take for weddings, yard and house projects, etc).

We always did quite a bit apart from each other but this seems to be increasing to a point where it almost feels like we're more like roommates now that we're living together as a couple. At first it seemed like we had lots in common and now it's feeling like we have nothing in common.

For example, I have a cabin at a lake about 2.5 hours away that I went to for the long weekend. He decided not to come - the reason given ... "I don't want to". Now he's never even seen my cabin so it's not like he went at some point and didn't enjoy himself, he just didn't want to go. He also knows that the cabin (and fishing) is important to me and is something I would like to share with him but he still didn't come. He has never tried fishing so doesn't know if he'll like it and it's not like I would ever expect him to fish if he doesn't like it but from my perspective, he could give it a try to experience things that turn my crank. There was no one else coming along either so that couldn't have been the reason. Honestly, if I told him to go he would have but that's not the way I roll. This wasn't a last minute decision either. I cleared my schedule a month before and he decided he wasn't coming along two weeks into it.

I am very secure with him and don't have any doubts about his feeling for me as well as his fidelity. We are also turning out to be an amazing couple. I'm just worried about the above; this worries me that this could be the beginnings of a pretty big divide between us.

Am I being all girly here and trying to create problems where there are none?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I think it's all a matter of the fact that some guys just aren't going to do something they aren't interested in, whether or not it is something you want to do. And as relationships go on, I've noticed that women want to rehash the tender moments of the relationship and guys tend to settle in and are comfortable with the mundane and every-day life stuff. Some guys aren't comfortable with intimacy. And to some guys, the intimacy and share your heart moments get old and they move on to the rest of life. It doesn't mean they don't love you or want to be with you, it just means they've moved on to the mundane.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

tpb72 said:


> I've been dating my man for 10 months now and living with him for the past 1 month.
> 
> I didn't expect that our current situation would be all romance and fairytales but it sure is moving to mundane.
> 
> ...


It could turn into a huge problem if it is important to you (this in part why my wife divorced me after 18 years). You have to ask yourself if it's a huge problem or if it is something you can live with. If it is a huge problem, now is the time to deal with it. 

You said if you told him to go he would, but that's not the way you do things, but maybe it should be. There were various activities that my wife liked that I didn't care much for. She would always ask if I wanted to, and if I didn't, she didn't push it. If, however, she had explained how "important" it was to her that I participate, it would have changed things. I didn't realize that participating or declining activities were deal breakers.




stillme4you said:


> I think it's all a matter of the fact that some guys just aren't going to do something they aren't interested in, whether or not it is something you want to do. And as relationships go on, I've noticed that women want to rehash the tender moments of the relationship and guys tend to settle in and are comfortable with the mundane and every-day life stuff. Some guys aren't comfortable with intimacy. And to some guys, the intimacy and share your heart moments get old and they move on to the rest of life. It doesn't mean they don't love you or want to be with you, it just means they've moved on to the mundane.


:iagree:


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## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

Very interesting.

There are so many articles out there about keeping a relationship exciting and the spark alive that I may have been brainwashed into thinking that's the only way to have a successful relationship.

I had no idea that mundane could be a relationship goal.

I'm going to have to give this some thought.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

tpb72 said:


> Very interesting.I had no idea that mundane could be a relationship goal.
> 
> I'm going to have to give this some thought.


I'm not sure what you mean, but I don't think mundane is a goal, some people just enjoy the everyday life things more than having action all the time.


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