# Ladies, if you were sick would you care about your husbands needs?



## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

This is for the ladies to answer. My soon to be Ex-wife has Lyme Disease. She's been sick for 6 months now but has been living a mostly "normal" life for the past several months. She's a teacher so she had the summer off. She's been working full time since August and hasn't missed a day since going back to work. She's on Antibiotics and claims she's been having yeast issues which is why we aren't having sex. She's also on an anti-yeast medication but she claims it's not working. We haven't had sex in 6 months which includes oral sex or anything.

Before all this our marriage was very rocky. We hadn't been on a date in 2 years and our sex life more or less sucked. Recently, I said that I still had needs even though she's sick. I explained to her that I've sacrificed everything over the past 6 months and I've become a care-taker for her. We talked about blowjobs and she started saying she now has Thrush. She never mentioned this before and now that I want a bj it's a new issue. I went out and bought flavored condoms in case she truly has Thrush and she just refused to do anything.

I'm just curious if you actually cared about your husband would you do things for him while you were sick? She doesn't have cancer or anything like that and is more than capable of being somewhat of a wife. Just looking to see what the consensus here is on the topic.

Just an FYI: I just signed a lease for my own townhouse and am starting the divorce process. Not because she is sick but because the last 2 years have been terrible and she's a very negative person.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

What else is going on?

Describe "rocky"


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Not a woman, OP, but thought I’d give my two cents nonetheless. She doesn’t want to be intimate with you. That’s the long and short of it. The how is obvious but the why … only you know. What has made your marriage rocky? As @MarriedDude asked, what do you mean by rocky?


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## Sinner (Oct 23, 2016)

I don't have any advice other than to say that my daughter had thrush after she was born (because of the antibiotics they gave me before my c-section because of my heart murmur) and it was not fun. She transferred it to my nipples from breastfeeding and it effectively ended breastfeeding for us so that we didn't ping-pong the thrush back and forth between us. So it could be a legitimate concern... however, if you already suspect she is making excuses, you are more than likely right.

As for the Lyme, I understand that it can be very painful, just like fibromyalgia. But there again, if she is using the Lyme as an excuse, then you are probably right to assume so.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cancer is not the only illness that would make it uncomfortable to have sex. 

Constant yeast and thrush infections sound awful. I can see not being sexual while that's going on.

Without talking to your wife, we have no idea if she is making excuses are really sick. You apparently believe that she's making up excuses. But I'm not going to second guess someone who is not here to speak up for themselves.

There have been a few times when I was too sick for sex... bad flu, pneumonia for weeks; had a bad infection for months after the still birth of twins. And now I would not have done things like bj's. Sick is sick.

Other than those times, I've never turned my spouse down for sex. I'm very high drive by the way. I would never expect an equally ill husband to perform a chore to service me either.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Op was sexless long before her illness. It's a red herring. Not sure why he keeps making it about that.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

Hello! If you r divorcing - y would she be motivated, when she knows you r leaving anyways? One can expect that a libido would plummet when sick, the energy is needed in recovering, so it makes sense not to service your needs when she is unwell. The fact that its been sexless before her getting sick just correlates to marital issues that have not been resolved and put on hold whilst shes sick. You could wait til she better and then attempt to resolve the issues , if you r divorcing now, well what's the point of needing advice in regards to her doing it more when she sick?! Are you unsure you should leave? 


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I really wish you would stick to one thread. Then people responding would know the whole story and all of the details. You might get better advice. Since you are leaving her anyway, now it sounds like you are just wanting others to affirm that she is the bad guy.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I have heard about how Lyme disease makes people feel... so if I had that or something else that serious, my answer to your question is NOPE. And I would think him a giant ass for asking. (same if tables were turned)


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

3Xnocharm said:


> I have heard about how Lyme disease makes people feel... so if I had that or something else that serious, my answer to your question is NOPE. And I would think him a giant ass for asking. (same if tables were turned)


Well, it depends. My W has Lymes, and when the symptoms initially kicked it, it was downright nasty on my W, I wouldn't have even considered sex. However, you never get rid of Lymes, and treatment (as well as symptoms) appear to be individualistic, so you would need to take on a case by case basis. What I mean by that, she has lymes but at the present there may not be any ill effects. Regardless though, as others have mentioned, sounds like the issues go way back before she was diagnosed, so really no sense on focusing on this specific issue IMO.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My wife had Lyme for 8 years, with considerable joint and back pain, flu-like symptoms weekly, some nerve, retina, and heart valve damage, and towards the end auditory hallucinations. We had sex daily - literally - except for very rare days where she was just too sick. Sex releases endorphins, which helped reduce pain - and sex was a huge plus for our relationship and helped us both get through the ordeal until we found a treatment that finally cured her (12 weeks of twice daily intravenous antibiotics delivered via picc line).

Most likely, your wife was no longer into you, and used her illness as an excuse, but only she knows for sure. Yeast infections/thrush might have had more to do with her reluctance, though. Were you with her when it was diagnosed, so you know it's real and not an excuse? Antibiotics can often trigger yeast problems, so it seems very plausible. Anyway, you're soon to be divorced, so why does this matter now? If you don't feel she cares about your well-being as much as you care about hers, and/or there are other problems in your marriage, then divorce is probably the best choice.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Looking2Change said:


> Before all this our marriage was very rocky. We hadn't been on a date in 2 years and our sex life more or less sucked. Recently, I said that I still had needs even though she's sick. I explained to her that I've sacrificed everything over the past 6 months and I've *become a care-taker for her. We talked about blowjobs and she started saying she now has Thrush. She never mentioned this before and now that I want a bj it's a new issue. I went out and bought flavored condoms in case she truly has Thrush and she just refused to do anything.
> *
> I'm just curious if you actually cared about your husband would you do things for him while you were sick? She doesn't have cancer or anything like that and is more than capable of being somewhat of a wife. Just looking to see what the consensus here is on the topic.
> 
> Just an FYI: I just signed a lease for my own townhouse and am starting the divorce process. Not because she is sick but because the last 2 years have been terrible and she's a very negative person.


So do you just DEMAND bj's? Do you do ANYTHING for your wife to try and make her feel loved and turned on? Your approach is...gross... I think its awful that you guilted her for your "sacrifices" to take care of her when she was sick. That's what marriage IS, and she would have done the same had it been YOU who was sick. 

You are divorcing her finally, so why are you looking for validation and to compare her to others?


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## Alli3fire (Oct 23, 2016)

Illness can be a tricky issue when it comes to sex. My good friend had lyme and she had many days over the course of 7-9 months where it was a chore to get out of bed. I watched her suffer and become a person she was not and did not want to be. Lyme has many different levels depending on how far it's gone before treatment and people respond to treatment differently. It can become neurological in nature as well. I remember my friend telling me it was worse than anything she had been through and I could see the pain in her eyes...it effected her whole self to the core. So, not to say your wife had it to this extent, but I think Lyme can be a horrible disease and I wouldn't be concerned about giving bj's, I'd be concerned about getting well and pray that I had the endless support of my family, whom I know it would be difficult for.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ok.. this is not going to be a normal answer.. and I hope I never face this... 

As we get older... health crisis's happen to many ... (I guess one plus is our libido's are winding down some)... but I would feel phenomenally guilty , SAD, downright devastated if I couldn't take care of my husband's needs...I would feel the same if he couldn't take care of mine.. something beautiful, "life giving" would be lost... there would be *grieving* with coming to accept these changes... 

There are books like this - to help fill in this gap... I believe I could LIVE with a willing partner.. but one who shut me out.. if I was to completely shut him out.. *It's not OK*.... so long as I have breath... there is a way... I want to believe that anyway...

Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse



> In this book, two of America's leading sex and gender experts show readers how to make sex more enjoyable by breaking away from the repetitive mechanics of intercourse. The book describes a path toward more a varied, playful, and intimate sexuality, debunking myths such as "impotence," "frigidity," and "foreplay;" indeed, the book shatters the myth that intercourse equals sex itself.
> "Let Me Count The Ways":
> 
> * defines "outercourse", shows why it is a valuable addition to peoples' sexual vocabulary, and explains how readers can maximize their comfort and pleasure with it.
> ...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm going to add that while my wife (eventually - for many years of this she was my gf) cared very much about my needs and desires, I was completely dedicated to her well-being as well. I took her to every appointment and advocated for her with all the specialists and doctors, paid her bills and insurance. We sometimes had to go hundreds of miles for a specialist. I moved us to a warmer climate because cold weather caused her intense pain. Spent many hours every week massaging and stretching her to ease the pain and make her more comfortable. I did all the chores she couldn't handle. If you are dedicated to each other, you make every effort possible to help each other be happy - if one of you isn't, then that person can't expect selfless dedication in return. Excuses don't keep a relationship going, nor does selfishness. Taking each other for granted is as deadly as having unrealistic expectations.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> I'm going to add that while my wife (eventually - for many years of this she was my gf) cared very much about my needs and desires, I was completely dedicated to her well-being as well. I took her to every appointment and advocated for her with all the specialists and doctors, paid her bills and insurance. We sometimes had to go hundreds of miles for a specialist. I moved us to a warmer climate because cold weather caused her intense pain. Spent many hours every week massaging and stretching her to ease the pain and make her more comfortable. I did all the chores she couldn't handle. If you are dedicated to each other, you make every effort possible to help each other be happy - if one of you isn't, then that person can't expect selfless dedication in return. Excuses don't keep a relationship going, nor does selfishness. Taking each other for granted is as deadly as having unrealistic expectations.


I've done more or less the exact same. I found a specialist outside of our insurance that I pay out of pocket for. He is a Lyme Specialist and I believe has been helping. I know I go back and forth about everything but I do love this woman. I wish I knew that at the end of the tunnel things would be better and I think that's where I have the biggest issue. She knows I'm serious about moving out and getting divorced. However, she's still be really involved with my business (I own my own business) and has been helping out with a lot of the marketing etc. I would hate to lose her with regards to my business and I am afraid to break up our family.

2 years ago things were awesome. We've had ups and downs over the past 2 years but mostly ups as far as financially and security wise. I do understand that she's drained for energy all the time because of the Lyme and she isn't sleeping well. I could go longer without sex if I knew that things were going to drastically change once she was better but my biggest fear is this will be the new norm.

Maybe she resents me and clearly she's pissed at me. We've been fighting a lot lately and I've pretty much completely checked out. She has a follow up with her Lyme Specialist on Friday so maybe we'll get some progress? If I felt she was trying to fix us I would feel better about everything but I feel that she isn't. I tried flirting with her the other day and she was happy but it ended in her turning cold and going to sleep.

Sorry for the rant. I want to be done but I would rather fix our relationship and get back to how things used to be.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Looking2Change said:


> I've done more or less the exact same. I found a specialist outside of our insurance that I pay out of pocket for. He is a Lyme Specialist and I believe has been helping. I know I go back and forth about everything but I do love this woman. I wish I knew that at the end of the tunnel things would be better and I think that's where I have the biggest issue. She knows I'm serious about moving out and getting divorced. However, she's still be really involved with my business (I own my own business) and has been helping out with a lot of the marketing etc. I would hate to lose her with regards to my business and I am afraid to break up our family.
> 
> 2 years ago things were awesome. We've had ups and downs over the past 2 years but mostly ups as far as financially and security wise. I do understand that she's drained for energy all the time because of the Lyme and she isn't sleeping well. * I could go longer without sex if I knew that things were going to drastically change once she was better but my biggest fear is this will be the new norm.
> *
> ...


These lines I bolded show your selfishness... can you see that if you read them? Its all ME ME ME. Maybe if you would stop focusing on whats in it for YOU, and show her real support, empathy and nurturing through her illness, it would help endear you to her, therefore helping her open up and feel close with you again. Your spouse is ill and THAT should be your NUMBER ONE concern above all else. Any spouse who only views your illness as an incovenience in their life and gripes about how it affects them, rather than focusing on your pain and recovery, isnt a spouse worth having. 

You need to stop flip flopping and either commit to taking total care of her (which may possibly make the marriage work) or commit to leaving. You dont need anyone's approval or permission to get out.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> These lines I bolded show your selfishness... can you see that if you read them? Its all ME ME ME. Maybe if you would stop focusing on whats in it for YOU, and show her real support, empathy and nurturing through her illness, it would help endear you to her, therefore helping her open up and feel close with you again. Your spouse is ill and THAT should be your NUMBER ONE concern above all else. Any spouse who only views your illness as an incovenience in their life and gripes about how it affects them, rather than focusing on your pain and recovery, isnt a spouse worth having.
> 
> You need to stop flip flopping and either commit to taking total care of her (which may possibly make the marriage work) or commit to leaving. You dont need anyone's approval or permission to get out.


Yup! An ill person should be focused on their own needs, so they can get well, and their spouse should do the same. The needs of the healthy get sacrificed for the needs of the sick in a marriage.

Her quality of life is affected and all you can think about is its impact on your horniness.

You don't sound like the kind of guy who would lovingly care for a spouse who was paralyzed in a car accident. Didn't you vow to love her no matter what happened?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Yup! An ill person should be focused on their own needs, so they can get well, and their spouse should do the same. The needs of the healthy get sacrificed for the needs of the sick in a marriage.
> 
> Her quality of life is affected and all you can think about is its impact on your horniness.
> 
> You don't sound like the kind of guy who would lovingly care for a spouse who was paralyzed in a car accident. Didn't you vow to love her no matter what happened?


I agree - but only to a certain extent. Both have needs that must be met. The ill spouse needs more, but can't use their illness to completely or consistently neglect their spouse. That's the path to losing them. Both have quality of life needs. Forget that at your peril. These overly idealistic concepts don't work well in practice because they don't allow people to be human.

I left my first wife in large part because it was a long term sexless marriage. I wasn't going to be in another such relationship, for _any_ reason. We weren't married for most of the years my gf had Lyme disease. I could have left at any time because I had no obligation or duty to her. I could have just been a friend and helped her as a friend, and dated someone else. It was because she made the effort to meet my needs as best she could and make the relationship important, that I stayed. Many illnesses have good days as well as bad days. Make the most of the good to sustain the relationship - if you want to rely on it continuing.


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## Beeloni (Aug 29, 2016)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Yup! An ill person should be focused on their own needs, so they can get well, and their spouse should do the same. The needs of the healthy get sacrificed for the needs of the sick in a marriage.
> 
> Her quality of life is affected and all you can think about is its impact on your horniness.
> 
> You don't sound like the kind of guy who would lovingly care for a spouse who was paralyzed in a car accident. Didn't you vow to love her no matter what happened?


I don't think the "sickness and in health", "to love, honor, cherish" vows mean much anymore. And I definitely don't mean this as a slight against JUST the OP. It sounds like he doesn't think that she honors or cherishes him either. However people don't actually follow those type of vows anymore. For most people these days, they probably should just delete that part or write their own vows. 
"I promise to take care of you if all or most of my needs are met as well" - bam! 

Op - as a person who has dealt with chronic pain/ijuries for 14 years now, I can see both sides. My ex was deprived due to my pain/injuries, lack of desire, fatigue and depression. He became so frustrated with me that it led to one of the many, many reasons that we divorced. You say that you love her and I believe it however your way of demonstrating love may not be evident to her right now. You said: "I do understand that she's drained for energy all the time because of the Lyme and she isn't sleeping well". And as you said, Lyme disease also causes chronic joint pain. Now imagine being in pain, exhausted, probably mentally/emotionally fuzzy due to lack of sleep and pain, having an all over yeast infection and then your partner keeps coming to you for sex. Sex is probably the last thing she feels like doing. I KNOW that's a horrible thing to admit on this site but it's true. I've been through it. Even if she gives in it may be with much resentment. I would bet money that she's already resentful. I now you are too but it won't make things better right now to continue pressuring her. Flirting with her right now probably just feels like more pressure.

You said that she also works (with you?) so if that's the case you two will continue to connect even if you do decide to go through with the divorce. What about a separation and counseling? There are definitely marriage counselors who also can help couples who are dealing with chronic illness.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

She probably didn't say anything about the trush before, because she didn't see the point. If she has a yeast infection, it can easily be systemic, especially if she is on antibiotics. If I am on antibiotics it wrecks me. 
Thrush hurts. Giving oral while having thrush would be horrible. Holding it again her is just plain mean. I know you think she's lying, but I doubt it. If she's on antibiotics over a long period of time, the yeast can get really bad.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Hmmmm ... she has hands, no?

When Fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue syndrome, and MVP hit me several years ago, it knocked me off my feet. And even though most days I felt horrid, I still satisfied my husband as best I could. 

Sometimes I could have intercourse, but sometimes I could only manage a hand job ... but it did the trick, and made him feel loved. 

I may have been very tired and achey when done, but it felt satisfying to me that I was showing him his love language. 

Also, at times I was turned on while satisfying him, and decided I wanted an orgasm too. I may have paid for it the next day, but it was worth it, and kept us close. 

If she works, I would think she could have enough energy for a hand job every week or so. 

But as others have said, if there are other issues going on, then it isn't all about her sickness. 

Just my two cents ...


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

I think what everyone is missing here is that before she was sick our sex life was in a major decline. Then, she got sick and it completely stopped. We've had sex maybe 6 times this entire year and she was perfectly healthy for the first 5 or 6 months of the year. If things were normal before this happened and we actually went on dates and had a real relationship then things would be totally different.

I tried to reconnect with her tonight. Made it a night that we would watch a movie and just cuddle. We didn't argue and there were no expectations. Who knows? Maybe more of this and things may improve?

Everyone talks about the wife's needs and basically say that my needs are irrelevant. I'm a guy and I need sex. Plain and simple. She has hands and boobs and if she really cared she could easily use those. I haven't brought up the sex issue in over a week. She has her follow-up with the Lyme Specialist tomorrow so we'll see what he says. She is going to address the yeast issues again so I pray she can get that under control. 

She wants to fix things and wants things to be normal. I believe her when she says this. I want things to go back to how they were a few years ago when things were great. I really don't want to go back to the dating scene and dealing with all the BS that goes along with that when I have the woman I always wanted. Well, she was the woman I always wanted 2 years ago. Not sure if we can ever get back to that point.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Stop waffling. If you want sex then leave. You won't get it at home. 

You sound like me. Don't do that.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

UPDATE: So, she had her appointment with the Lyme Specialist this morning. He said that she shouldn't be having the yeast issues she's been having so he prescribed her Diflucan. She will take this every 3 days and he said it will clear it up and prevent it from coming back. Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel here.


Better than that though, he said that he's happy with her progress. Many of her symptoms are gone which is an awesome sign. She goes back in a month and hopefully continues to improve


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

I'd like to believe that your wife is genuine. 
Antibiotics can cause repeated yeast infections and my goodness sex is painful. 
Even though I suffered from those my drive never ceased, I still wanted to be with my husband, we did other things. 
It seems in history, she says she will follow through but in the end never does. 
Actions speak louder than words. 
All of your last statement is words from her, if you have no action after her promises then you have to follow through with a consequence. If she knows that you'll never leave then she'll never change. 

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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

YOU SAID: "I think what everyone is missing here is that before she was sick our sex life was in a major decline."

Can you tell me WHY your sex life was in a major decline?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

dianaelaine59 said:


> YOU SAID: "I think what everyone is missing here is that before she was sick our sex life was in a major decline."
> 
> Can you tell me WHY your sex life was in a major decline?
> 
> ...


She just wasn't interested in anything to be totally honest. She no longer wanted to go out, go on dates, have sex or anything. All she wanted to do was watch TV. She said it was her way to relax. I explained that it was not healthy and she said it was her way of relaxing. We talked about how this was impacting our marriage and she would say that she does her best.

She can be very one-way and selfish which has caused a lot of issues to say the least.

a few years back I recommend marriage counseling and she adamantly refused. I ended up going by myself for a couple of months and she would belittle me when I would come home and offer suggestions to fix our marriage stating "what did your crazy doctor tell you to do this?"

She's not a terrible person but I def. feel she's always been selfish and always puts her needs over everyone else's.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

@Looking2Change Is she taking probiotics? Eating yogurt is not enough, pills with beneficial bacteria should help her keep a healthy balance of vaginal flora. 

You said you cant see a light at the end of the tunnel. You have to make a light the length of the tunnel is under your control. 

Decide on a timeline and pull out all the stops to make your marriage work. If your wife wants the same, she will show it. Don't threaten D, you don't want change out of fear because it will not last long. 

Let her know that you want her and if she wants you then you are willing to work hard along with her. Be concrete about the incremental changes that you would like to make together. As you go along, decide on benchmarks at reasonable times along the way. 

When you see change that indicates she really values you and is passionate about having you in her life then there is a good chance for lasting change. If after a reasonable time you are still unhappy then let her know and do what you feel you must do. Would that be a light for you?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Looking2Change said:


> We've been fighting a lot lately and *I've pretty much completely checked out.* ... If I felt she was trying to fix us I would feel better about everything but I feel that she isn't.
> 
> *I want to be done but I would rather fix our relationship *and get back to how things used to be.


You have two warring factions in your head. Time to make a firm decision as to which side should win. The thing is, you cannot hinge your decisions on what she is doing or not doing, what is feeling (emotionally/physically) or not feeling. That's hers to own and, quite frankly, that is HER problem. So what do you own? How you feel regardless of how she feels. Learning to detach from a situation and look at it as an outsider is hard. I know. I've been there. But it sounds like you had some serious issues prior to her illness.

If you think your wife is using her illness as an excuse to deny you, then leave. If you feel that she's making progress in saving the marriage, then stay. Again, just make up your mind, and don't let it hinge on what she is/is not doing on any given day.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

Catherine602 said:


> @Looking2Change Is she taking probiotics? Eating yogurt is not enough, pills with beneficial bacteria should help her keep a healthy balance of vaginal flora.
> 
> You said you cant see a light at the end of the tunnel. You have to make a light the length of the tunnel is under your control.
> 
> ...



She has been taking probiotics. She's actually on a special one that has the highest potency available. when she first started the antibiotics she took Doxi and it cleared the yeast up but a week or so later it came back. She will now be taking it every 3 days so hopefully this will work.

As for her trying, as I said, last night I cuddled with her and watched a movie. Tonight she wanted to cuddle up with me again so that's a good sign. I'm not going to force anything as I'm going to Vegas for a week next week without her. 

I think this weekend will be one of our better weekends and we shall see. One day at a time.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

The fluconazole will work.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> The fluconazole will work.


I hope so. The other prescription she was on didn't work. She said it lessened the issue but only about 10% or so. She's been having issues sleeping for the past month so she's clearly been tired. Her Dr. gave her some herbal concoction that he said will help her sleep. He said it could take up to a week or so for it to really work so if it does it will clearly help how she has been feeling. He's not sure if her brain-fog is from the lack of sleep or the Lyme Disease. If this herbal solution works then that will dictate what's going on. He will see her back in 4 weeks and is hopeful for continued improvement.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

W was taking fluconazole daily. Never one instance of yeast. 

What herbal concoction are you taking about? Yes, the lack of sleep will kill her libido, and motivation. W was taking prescription Ambien. That only worked somewhat. The doc also suggested melatonin, which is probably what your doc said. It comes in 3 mg, 5 mg and 10 mg tablets. If that is it, she will have to trial and error what works. Start with lower dose. It can create brain fog if you take too much. Follow the instructions. 

Let me know. 

BTW, your issues have to be approached holistically. It is a combination physical, mental, relationship, habit etc. You have to work on many fronts. There is no single solution. 

You are on a good course right now. Keep at it.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> W was taking fluconazole daily. Never one instance of yeast.
> 
> What herbal concoction are you taking about? Yes, the lack of sleep will kill her libido, and motivation. W was taking prescription Ambien. That only worked somewhat. The doc also suggested melatonin, which is probably what your doc said. It comes in 3 mg, 5 mg and 10 mg tablets. If that is it, she will have to trial and error what works. Start with lower dose. It can create brain fog if you take too much. Follow the instructions.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I will grab the bottle and see what is in it. It's not Melatonin or anything like that. She started it tonight and said it tastes worse than anything she's ever tasted before in her life. haha I think we can reconnect and I hope that we can. I've always loved her and we've been together for 15 years. We have an awesome son together and I think with work we can both be happy again together.


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## jmlsml559 (Oct 29, 2016)

Looking2Change said:


> This is for the ladies to answer. My soon to be Ex-wife has Lyme Disease. She's been sick for 6 months now but has been living a mostly "normal" life for the past several months. She's a teacher so she had the summer off. She's been working full time since August and hasn't missed a day since going back to work. She's on Antibiotics and claims she's been having yeast issues which is why we aren't having sex. She's also on an anti-yeast medication but she claims it's not working. We haven't had sex in 6 months which includes oral sex or anything.
> 
> Before all this our marriage was very rocky. We hadn't been on a date in 2 years and our sex life more or less sucked. Recently, I said that I still had needs even though she's sick. I explained to her that I've sacrificed everything over the past 6 months and I've become a care-taker for her. We talked about blowjobs and she started saying she now has Thrush. She never mentioned this before and now that I want a bj it's a new issue. I went out and bought flavored condoms in case she truly has Thrush and she just refused to do anything.
> 
> ...


I would make sure to take care of my husbands needs sick or not. But that's just me though.  

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

As I thought things were getting better around 7:30 tonight my wife offers to give me a blow job. Awesome, maybe things are turning around. Now, it's 9:15 and she's asleep, contacts out, and no BJ. Wish she never even said anything. That's a total loser move.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Looking2Change said:


> As I thought things were getting better around 7:30 tonight my wife offers to give me a blow job. Awesome, maybe things are turning around. Now, it's 9:15 and she's asleep, contacts out, and no BJ. Wish she never even said anything. That's a total loser move.




So when she made the offer why didn't it happen right then?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> So when she made the offer why didn't it happen right then?


Our son was still awake. She said as soon as he fell asleep which he did and nothing happened. Well, tomorrow when she wants me to do a million things for her as she always does I'm doing NOTHING.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Looking2Change said:


> Our son was still awake. She said as soon as he fell asleep which he did and nothing happened. Well, tomorrow when she wants me to do a million things for her as she always does I'm doing NOTHING.




Hey, it's a great start, and more progress than you made in six months. If you pout like an 8 yo, you can kiss the bj goodbye (pun intended). 

Btw when your son fell asleep, did you snuggle with your wife, or kiss her?. Or did you sit in the chair just waiting for her mouth?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Hey, it's a great start, and more progress than you made in six months. If you pout like an 8 yo, you can kiss the bj goodbye (pun intended).
> 
> Btw when your son fell asleep, did you snuggle with your wife, or kiss her?. Or did you sit in the chair just waiting for her mouth?


We were watching TV together. I would rather not have the offer and not be turned down than to have the offer and then get turned down.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You didn't answer my question.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

I just told her I was excited and nothing came of it.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Looking2Change said:


> I just told her I was excited and nothing came of it.




No wonder nothing came. You made no effort to get it.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Buy a fleshlight or a real doll or something. I haven't been posting much on TAM lately, but you seem to be at a stalemate. When you don't decide, you've already made your decision. Good luck!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Looking2Change said:


> As I thought things were getting better around 7:30 tonight my wife offers to give me a blow job. Awesome, maybe things are turning around. Now, it's 9:15 and she's asleep, contacts out, and no BJ. Wish she never even said anything. That's a total loser move.


This is from my point of view so I may be off base. There are two things, doing chores you should do as an adult and father and making sex a partnered activity not an exchange. Your title question is difficult to answer. If my husband was sick my concern for him would block out my desire for sex. 

If the chores are things that you should do as part of living in a house and having children then you should do them. Having what amounts to a tantrum makes you seem childish and not sexually attractive. Always conduct yourself as a man capable of making your way in the world with or without her. 

Why not offer to pleasure her first by oral, manual or vaginal sex. Even if she turns you down, the offer would show that your feelings are in the right place. You do care about her and you want sex because it would be bonding for both of you. 

The fact that she went to sleep instead of honoring her offer may be because she does not see sex with you as a partnered act. Sleep is her way of taking care of herself and the bj is your way of taking care of yourself. Mutually satisfying sex would be you taking care of her and her taking care of you. That would be a better approach, I think. 

Always offer to please her even if she turns you down. Never have sexual contact without affection and caring touch. What I mean is, set an atmosphere of love and caring don't let her get down to business with no preamble or like a service she provides for you. 

Make it an intimate act of love and affection for you both. Give her something in return, show her you love her as much as she loves you by giving you a gift. 

These problems with sex predates her illness. Could the problem have been lack of mutual satisfaction? If you are doing these things already, my suggestions won't help of course.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

Well, now she thinks she has hand foot and mouth disease so nothing is going to happen. Can't make this **** up.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Not enough info. What exactly was said by you and her. How was it said?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

Catherine602 said:


> Not enough info. What exactly was said by you and her. How was it said?


Nothing was said. Our son went to bed and then she made some rude comment that she was going to give me a blowjob but then she changed her mind and she went to sleep. She is using sex as a weapon and I'm having no part of that.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Wait. Now it was a rude comment?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> UPDATE: So, she had her appointment with the Lyme Specialist this morning. He said that she shouldn't be having the yeast issues she's been having so he prescribed her Diflucan. She will take this every 3 days and he said it will clear it up and prevent it from coming back. Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel here.


I've never had Lyme disease (that I know of), however, I have had extensive yeast problems. So I'll offer the following ...

1 - Diflucan is effective, however, being on Diflucan isn't a 100% cure. Nor will it magically prevent it from coming back if the reason for the initial infections isn't cleared up. Your wife needs to consider a diet change that is lower carb/lower sugar. Also ... has the doctor ever suggested a course of Diflucan for you? Men can carry yeast with no symptoms, but at this point if she's had it as bad as you indicate, you might just pass it back and forth if you aren't treated as well. 

2 - You mention your wife not wanting to go out. At some point you had another thread open about how to guilt/force her into wearing more makeup and how you wanted to leave her to get a hotter wife like all of the other oil execs you work with/around. Does she know you feel that way about her? If she so might be embarrassed to go out. 

3 - Desperate or related to the Lyme Disease, your wife might be depressed or at this point showing some signs of Munchausen syndrome or just general Hypochondria. Once the physical Lyme symptoms are addressed to a certain level I'd consider counseling.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Wait. Now it was a rude comment?


I don't remember her exact words but it was along those lines. I said something this morning about it and she just rolled her eyes. She is now saying she thinks she has hand foot and mouth disease. I'm going to Vegas in 2 days for a week so maybe things will get better when I get home.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Looking2Change said:


> Nothing was said. Our son went to bed and then she made some rude comment that she was going to give me a blowjob but then she changed her mind and she went to sleep. She is using sex as a weapon and I'm having no part of that.


Things don't happen the way you describe Looking. You leave out a lot of detail. 

Are you not telling the full story because you think you've done something that is wrong and will be judged or told that your wife is right?

There are many posters who will be honest but nonjudgmental so take advantage of their wisdom by being forthcoming. Nothing will change if you are not honest. The fact that you are here shows that you are seeking solutions to save your relationship and that counts. 

You need to make changes in yourself that are separate from what your wife needs to do. Making yourself a better person is something you take with you if things don't work out in this relationship. Take this opportunity to do the difficult thing, open up. 

What happened exactly?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> I'm going to Vegas in 2 days for a week so maybe things will get better when I get home.


Who are you going to Vegas for a week with? Do you often go on week long trips and leave her home?

If it's a work trip, if she's so intimately involved in your business that it's a reason not to divorce, why doesn't she go with you?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

Starstarfish said:


> Who are you going to Vegas for a week with? Do you often go on week long trips and leave her home?
> 
> If it's a work trip, if she's so intimately involved in your business that it's a reason not to divorce, why doesn't she go with you?


I'm going to Vegas with my brothers to the SEMA show. It's the biggest aftermarket car show in the world. I've wanted to go for 20 years but you need to be a dealer in order to get in. With some tweaking I was able to attend this year so I jumped at the opportunity. My wife obviously knows I'm obsessed with cars and knows how much I've always wanted to go so it's a non-issue.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> My wife obviously knows I'm obsessed with cars and knows how much I've always wanted to go so it's a non-issue.


Her not saying anything doesn't mean it's not an issue. 

But for someone who has concern about spending time with the wife and wanting to fix your relationship while it's having issues, spending a week away living the dream bachelor life doesn't seem like it would be conducive to fixing things. 

Just my two cents.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> Her not saying anything doesn't mean it's not an issue.
> 
> But for someone who has concern about spending time with the wife and wanting to fix your relationship while it's having issues, spending a week away living the dream bachelor life doesn't seem like it would be conducive to fixing things.
> 
> Just my two cents.


I think it's a great idea for him to go away. It provides them both time to get some perspective and see how they manage without the daily tensions of being together. Maybe she'll appreciate him more, but I think she'll be glad he's gone and sorry that he'll return.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Stay away from the "hood ornaments".


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

We had a HUGE blowout today. It started yesterday with my dads birthday. She refused to go over with us because she was saying she didn't feel great. Fine, so I went with my son. Then, while I'm there she's texting me that the bathrooms at my business needed to be cleaned. I asked her to go do it while I was there but she wouldn't. I asked if she would meet me there and help clean the facility and she refused. Whatever, so I spent 2 hours cleaning while she does what she does best which is lay in bed watching TV.

Our son had a B-Day party today and she was trying anything and everything to get out of taking him. She offered to buy him any toy that he wanted etc etc but he just wanted to go to the party. She complained about it ALL day today and yesterday but she agreed to take him. However, 2 minutes before going she used the excuse that she didn't feel good and she couldn't take him. Meaning, that I had to take him. It's funny that she is good enough to work full-time without any issues but when it comes to her being responsible with the family she NEVER feels good.

I'm sorry but I've had enough. This is simply becoming an excuse for her to get out of doing ANYTHING. Our friend has Lyme and is worse off than my wife yet she still lives her life. My wife spends every waking hour in front of the TV which is her dream. All she's done for the past 2 years has been watching TV in bed. She's only been sick for 5 or 6 months so it's b.s. She has no motivation to do anything and we haven't gone on a date in over 2 years. But, she's watched every episode of Teen Mom and knows all about those idiots.

Sorry for the rant I'm so pissed off right now.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Geez... Have you considered that she is wiped out precisely BECAUSE she is working full time?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

Livvie said:


> Geez... Have you considered that she is wiped out precisely BECAUSE she is working full time?


EVERYTHING is always about HER. I spent the entire week trying to make things better and she can't even meet me 10% towards the middle. I always have to do everything and it just gets old. As I've said dozens of times if things were good before she got sick things would be a different story. At this point I just don't see how we can ever fix this. She no longer cares.

It's funny because she's always yelling at our son that he spends too much tie on his iPad or watching TV and he said to her "but, all you ever do is sit in front of the TV. Why is it OK for you and not for me?" Talk about leading by example.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Looking2Change said:


> Nothing was said. Our son went to bed and then she made some rude comment that she was going to give me a blowjob but then she changed her mind and she went to sleep. She is using sex as a weapon and I'm having no part of that.




Bs. You're having every part of it. I've got your number. You complain and talk big but you're going to take every thing she dishes out.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Bs. You're having every part of it. I've got your number. You complain and talk big but you're going to take every thing she dishes out.




.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> All she's done for the past 2 years has been watching TV in bed.


How is she working full time and you say she's a vital part of your business while she's at home in bed all the time?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

Starstarfish said:


> How is she working full time and you say she's a vital part of your business while she's at home in bed all the time?


When she's not working she's at home in bed watching TV. She does a lot of the marketing for my business from bed.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Looking2Change said:


> When she's not working she's at home in bed watching TV. She does a lot of the marketing for my business from bed.




So she is working, not just watching tv.

Do you pay her?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> So she is working, not just watching tv.
> 
> Do you pay her?


She isn't on the payroll but she benefits from us doing well


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

We had a really bad blowout on Sunday which lasted into Monday early afternoon. We ended up taking our son Trick or Treating because it's something we've always enjoyed and my son wanted both of us to go. When we got home we talked about things and at least didn't fight.

She ended up getting a nasty rash from the Diflucan and it caused her to have bumps all over her hands and nasty bruising type rashes all over her body. This happened before when she took it but figured it was something to do with the Lyme but the Dr. believes she is prob. allergic to the Diflucan. Needless to say she only took one dose and isn't going to continue on it. 

Today, she feels like crud and struggled to make it thru the day. She came home after work and just relaxed and if she feels the same way tomorrow she is going to stay home. Not sure what's going to happen over the next week with us.

I'm in the air right now heading to Arizona for a 6 day vacation. I'm visiting my brother in Arizona for a day and a half and then we are heading to Vegas until Sunday for the SEMA show. It is nice to get away and the time apart will allow us both to figure out what needs to happen.

I've never been so decisive in all my life. I'm typically one that makes a decision and sticks with it but with her I just can't. She pulls me back in whenever I see her. Not sure if this is good or bad. I'm really attracted to my wife and we used to have an insane bond. One that I've never had with anyone else. Not sure if we can get that bond back or if things are too far gone. I'm going to recommend counseling again and see if she is more open to it this time around seeing how things have gotten this bad.

On the flip side, things at my business with the new facility have been booming. This month we will have our biggest growth spurt and are on track to grossing more than we ever have before. If we can pull this month off and another strong December (for a December) we will start 2017 off really strong. January is always a HUGE month for us being in the fitness industry so if we can pull thru till then maybe we can fix our marriage. Maybe, she will start feeling better by then as well?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

How is Arizona?


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> How is Arizona?


Arizona was absolutely beautiful and the weather was perfect. Vegas was more of the same. Heading back home now to cold and rainy weather. UGH


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Looking2Change said:


> As I thought things were getting better *around 7:30 tonight my wife offers to give me a blow job. * Awesome, maybe things are turning around. Now, it's 9:15 and she's asleep, contacts out, and no BJ. Wish she never even said anything. That's a total loser move.




Why would she offer then?


1.) She offered, knowing full well that she had no intention of following through.

^^There's no remedy for that. Marriage over.

2.) She offered, but between the time that she offered and the time she went to sleep, something happened: she had explosive diarrhea, she had a spat with the kids....??

^^That can be worked on. Ideally, though, she would tell you why the offer is "off".


From everything else that is going on in your marriage, I get the impression that option number one is a bit more likely.

People who are sick, sore and tired to a point of never ending exhaustion and pain, will take a prescription. They won't just take one dose and give up on it.

And, if you're chronically ill, it's unlikely you'll want to work fulltime. In fact, you probably CAN'T work fulltime.

Real profound fatigue means you don't want to watch TV either. You'll just fall asleep in front of the set; so your sick, depleted body can attempt to repair itself.

I don't suppose that she's been tested for anemia? THAT will render you exhausted; an exhaustion that no amount of sleep or rest will improve.


*IF* she has food and mouth disease; you're probably going to get it too:
Hand Foot and Mouth Disease | Causes and Transmission | HFMD | CDC



> For example, *you might get infected by kissing someone who has hand, foot, and mouth disease or by touching a doorknob that has viruses on it then touching your eyes, mouth or nose.*
> 
> It is possible to get infected with the viruses that cause hand, foot, and mouth disease if you swallow recreational water, such as water in swimming pools. However, this is not very common. This is more likely to happen if the water becomes contaminated with feces from a person who has hand, foot, and mouth disease and is not properly treated with chlorine.
> 
> ...


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

UPDATE: So, I was away for a week in Vegas which was pretty awesome for the most part. 

I will say that being there without my wife I found myself really jealous seeing other couples connecting and being happy together. I didn't talk to my wife at all for the entire week besides the occasional text message. I was really frustrated to be completely honest watching how happy couples were together and seeing that made me realize how much my marriage sucks.

While I was away I texted her and asked if she wanted to work on us and she said that she really did. At that point I was curious to see how things would be when i got home and I started thinking maybe we can fix things.

I got home last night and as I type this while she is sleeping next to me I really don't think I want to be here at all. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of to leave but I don't think I have a reason to stay. 

How do we know when it's 150% time to throw in the towel?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Looking2Change said:


> UPDATE: So, I was away for a week in Vegas which was pretty awesome for the most part.
> 
> I will say that being there without my wife I found myself really jealous seeing other couples connecting and being happy together. I didn't talk to my wife at all for the entire week besides the occasional text message. I was really frustrated to be completely honest watching how happy couples were together and seeing that made me realize how much my marriage sucks.
> 
> ...



Buy this book.. it should give you clarity....dividing what is important/ needed to mend your marriage (but she has to be on board) ...or when it's just too far gone & it would be better to part ways...

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship 



> To make up or break up? Whether you’re just getting serious or have a long-term commitment, no other question causes so much heartache and self-doubt. Many other books tell you how to fix your relationship. This groundbreaking bestseller is the first one to help you choose whether you should try—or you need to go.
> 
> Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decision. She shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with self-analysis and questions like these, which get to the very heart of your problems:
> 
> ...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

What is happening to your wife is not pleasant by any means. 
If I am sick, my husband has low expectations, but I would try to meet his needs if I am up to it in any way.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Having experienced the 'joys' of Lymes Disease many years ago, I can assure you that there is no way that I would have been thinking of my husband's needs whilst fighting such an exhausting, debilitating and painful illness. If I'm sick, my job is to get myself well again, not have the added burden of having to worry about my partner's sexual needs.

It's my guess, though, that there's more going on in your marriage than your W's illness, and it probably pre-existed the illness.

(PS As far as I know Lymes is a sexually transmitted disease. Can Lyme Be Sexually Transmitted? Yes. - The Treat Lyme Book)


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> (PS As far as I know Lymes is a sexually transmitted disease. Can Lyme Be Sexually Transmitted? Yes. - The Treat Lyme Book)


Lyme is not sexually transmitted, despite speculation to the contrary. I'll trust the CDC on this one.



> There is no evidence that Lyme disease is transmitted from person-to-person. For example, a person cannot get infected from touching, kissing, or having sex with a person who has Lyme disease.


Lyme disease transmission


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Lyme is not sexually transmitted, despite speculation to the contrary. I'll trust the CDC on this one.
> 
> 
> 
> Lyme disease transmission


Thanks for the latest info. Until very recently several studies indicated that it was, indeed, sexually transmittable.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> Thanks for the latest info. Until very recently several studies indicated that it was, indeed, sexually transmittable.


Yes, there was some concern that it could be. I was interested in the topic because my wife had Lyme for 8 years before it was cured.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, there was some concern that it could be. I was interested in the topic because my wife had Lyme for 8 years before it was cured.


Mine seemed to go away pretty quickly, but several years later I developed the Coxsakkie group of viruses (which can, apparently, follow Lymes) and Epstein Barr. I was then ill for years with Chronic Fatigue.

I hope your W is OK now?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> Mine seemed to go away pretty quickly, but several years later I developed the Coxsakkie group of viruses (which can, apparently, follow Lymes) and Epstein Barr. I was then ill for years with Chronic Fatigue.
> 
> I hope your W is OK now?


I'm sorry to hear you have ongoing problems. Are you sure the Lyme was cured, in your case - that is, do you clearly test positive for these other problems, or are the results inconclusive? For years, doctors thought my wife had other health problems, because (after being on antibiotics for so long), the Lyme test wasn't clearly positive. That's the problem - antibiotics can result in a false negative for Lyme. She was tested for everything imaginable over the years - some extraordinarily rare - with no clear positive result. Doctors just gave up and gave the junk diagnosis of chronic fatigue (they didn't have the clearer markers for that which exist now). But, when she was on antibiotics again for something unrelated, most of her symptoms magically disappeared - thankfully, as it was beginning to affect her brain. An infectious disease specialist in Atlanta (we couldn't find anyone qualified locally) said it was still highly likely to be unresolved Lyme disease, but even though it couldn't be _proven_ using the normal Lyme tests, there was _some_ kind of infection that responded to the antibiotics used to treat Lyme. So, he had a picc line installed, fought with our insurance company, ordered two six week rounds of intense IV antibiotics, and she has been totally symptom free ever since (over 5 years now).

She's had two back injuries since, but that's a whole other kind of problem, and she had successful surgery to deal with that and is doing well now. Thanks for asking!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> I'm sorry to hear you have ongoing problems. Are you sure the Lyme was cured, in your case - that is, do you clearly test positive for these other problems, or are the results inconclusive?
> 
> You have a point about the Lymes. This was way back in the 70s when I lived in Africa, and at the time they were concerned that it was some weird tropical illness. Only when it disappeared did they mention 'tick bite fever' or Lymes.
> 
> ...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What happens when you two go to therapy to talk about your issues with each other?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@turnera I don't think the OP is coming back, since he's taken his tales of woe to another website for a rinse and repeat.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Personal said:


> @turnera I don't think the OP is coming back, since he's taken his tales of woe to another website for a rinse and repeat.




Are you cheating on TAM too?


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

3Xnocharm said:


> So do you just DEMAND bj's? Do you do ANYTHING for your wife to try and make her feel loved and turned on? Your approach is...gross... I think its awful that you guilted her for your "sacrifices" to take care of her when she was sick. That's what marriage IS, and she would have done the same had it been YOU who was sick.
> 
> You are divorcing her finally, so why are you looking for validation and to compare her to others?


??
He's not "demanding", he's discussing alternatives. Stop trying to just make him the bad guy for your own needs.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Looking2Change said:


> Well, now she thinks she has hand foot and mouth disease so nothing is going to happen. Can't make this **** up.


Face it, she don't want sex <reason immaterial>.

If you're divorcing then stop expecting it - that's just weird and wrong. (unless you both got a thing for hate sex).

--
PS the Thrush/Yeast is a biological imbalance symptom. Very common - affects everything it contacts. Need to work out real cause, THEN treat symptoms (there some good probiotics, and pH stuff that does the job in "damp" areas. and some medical creams to go on your **** and hands to slow re-infection.) FYI.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Looking2Change said:


> EVERYTHING is always about HER. I spent the entire week trying to make things better and she can't even meet me 10% towards the middle. I always have to do everything and it just gets old. As I've said dozens of times if things were good before she got sick things would be a different story. At this point I just don't see how we can ever fix this. She no longer cares.
> 
> It's funny because she's always yelling at our son that he spends too much tie on his iPad or watching TV and he said to her "but, all you ever do is sit in front of the TV. Why is it OK for you and not for me?" Talk about leading by example.


Look up the symptoms of Mental Exhaustion.

also the pair of you have to stop creating illness states in yourselves and find ways to more constructive focus your self-attention process.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

spotthedeaddog said:


> ??
> He's not "demanding", he's discussing alternatives. Stop trying to just make him the bad guy for your own needs.


Exactly.... Some things have improved but mostly things are still the same. I need to either Crap or get off the pot. Either way I'm screwed. I can stay unhappy in this marriage or I can start all over and risk losing a huge sum of money during a divorce.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Looking2Change said:


> Exactly.... Some things have improved but mostly things are still the same. I need to either Crap or get off the pot. Either way I'm screwed. I can stay unhappy in this marriage or I can start all over and risk losing a huge sum of money during a divorce.




Half the assets are the price for your freedom. 

Or you can cheat. Your choice.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> Half the assets are the price for your freedom.
> 
> Or you can cheat. Your choice.


Are we now officially recommending cheating as a legit, viable choice? Might as well close CWI then.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Starstarfish said:


> Are we now officially recommending cheating as a legit, viable choice? Might as well close CWI then.




It wasn't a recommendation but a statement of options. 

Sometimes presenting a so/so option with a terrible option makes the so/so option not seem as bad.

I think OP really does love his wife or he would have cheated long ago. Hence his struggle. He doesn't want a divorce either.


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