# Can we really tame a "bad boy?"



## working_together

Just curious whether "bad boys" really do get tamed by the right woman, or are they forever set in their ways???

Anyone ever marry one??


----------



## lamaga

Don't ever marry anyone you are hoping to change.


----------



## EleGirl

If the bad boy changed, only he can take credit for that. More than likely it's life and life's events that will case a bad boy to settle down.

We cannot change another person. We can only change ourself and the way we interact with another person.


----------



## working_together

lamaga said:


> Don't ever marry anyone you are hoping to change.


lol....no, tried that...didn't work.


----------



## livelaughlovenow

I don't think you can marry one with the hopes to change them. I met a bad boy, he told me his dreams while we were dating were to settle down marry and have kids. He said he was changing his lifestyle, I watched he was, we fell in love and got married, so yeah I married one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

I tried to change a few. Didn't work. I walked away. I now know what you see is what you get. Any change that happens better happen BEFORE you get married.


----------



## Numb in Ohio

working_together said:


> Just curious whether "bad boys" really do get tamed by the right woman, or are they forever set in their ways???
> 
> Anyone ever marry one??



Are you referring to just a trouble maker, or a selfish cheater who does what he wants and emotionally and verbally abuses the one he says he loves and can't live without?? 

Yes I married one... he is in IC since I found out about his EA's and all the years of every kind of abuse except physical... He says he wants to change (now!!) since he was exposed... otherwise he would of been content staying the way he was/is..

Is he really changing?? .. or is he faking?? Only time will tell.. just don't know if I will be around to see the results!!


----------



## Gaia

I don't believe in "taming"... Now some people do change over the years and after a marriage but it is only because of these reasons... imo...

1. one or both partners will adapt to living with the other.

2. IF work is being done on the relationship.. one or both partners will make compromises in the relationship so as to keep it together. 

3. As both partners get older ... they naturally change in and mature so their point of views, likes, dislikes, ect change as well. 

So... if you DO plan on "Trying" to change someone... just realize... you will most likely be making changes in yourself for them as well. However.. I firmly believe that one should accept another for who they are and try to adapt .. rather then change their character. It is possible to adapt and compromise without "Changing" someones character.


----------



## livelaughlovenow

Yikes Ohio....I am talking about typical bad boy....attitude, tatoos, sexy, lady's man, parties, rock n roll bad boy...maybe been in trouble with the law when young.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Numb in Ohio

livelaughlovenow said:


> Yikes Ohio....I am talking about typical bad boy....attitude, tatoos, sexy, lady's man, parties, rock n roll bad boy...maybe been in trouble with the law when young.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



OOps,, sorry!!! 

He was a lot of that too,, he's outgrown a lot of that behavior ,, wish he would of outgrew the ladies man part....


----------



## WorkOnIt

If you're the "one" he will change... Otherwise forget it. He'll know too within 5 seconds of standing near you.


----------



## working_together

Numb in Ohio said:


> Are you referring to just a trouble maker, or a selfish cheater who does what he wants and emotionally and verbally abuses the one he says he loves and can't live without??
> 
> Yes I married one... he is in IC since I found out about his EA's and all the years of every kind of abuse except physical... He says he wants to change (now!!) since he was exposed... otherwise he would of been content staying the way he was/is..
> 
> Is he really changing?? .. or is he faking?? Only time will tell.. just don't know if I will be around to see the results!!


I wasn't referring to an abusive man, although many "bad boys" are abusive. My ex was a "bad boy", he was c0cky, arrogant, self centered (most of the time)...etc. 

I was more interested in the extremely self-assured, dominant, I don't give a sh1t attitude. Add in the fast cars...

Woman are attracted to that type of personality, and I guess it could be the challange of taming them. IDK..


----------



## working_together

Just for the record I'm not dating a "bad boy", I had a short fling with one right after my separation. A few red flags went up, and we parted ways. But I'm just so stupid when it comes to men I think. I think I'm attracted to the intensity of it all.


----------



## working_together

SamIam77 said:


> My question is, if you succeed in taming the "bad boy" do you then grow bored with him?


Good question...I have no idea, my ex only calmed down slightly with age, and frankly I don't think they ever change.


----------



## livelaughlovenow

No! Never bored.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Numb in Ohio

Sorry, I guess just having a bad trigger day... as they say to pick your battles,, I need to "pick my threads" I reply to...


----------



## FirstYearDown

My husband was able to tame me and I was a BAD girl before I was married. All it took was a man who was kind and loving, instead of a selfish liar. 

I was sweet and innocent at the beginning of my twenties. After being with some men who were awful to me, I began to chew up men and spit them out. I became promiscuous and stopped believing that there were any good men in the world.

Now I can't imagine making love with anyone but my husband. The thought of taking off my clothes for some random dude sickens me. 

Anyone can tame a bad girl or bad boy-but those types have to be tired of their lifestyle.


----------



## Lon

Seems a lot of women are infatuated with the dream of a reformed badboy. Seems like it just takes those guys a lot longer to grow up and learn how to be a kind compassionate human being than us nice guys. Whereas us nice guys seemed to learn respect from a young age and have and embraced integrity rather than the don't-give-a-fck attitude. Women who like the idea of him having a dark past are setting themselves up to be used and abused, I guess it is the thrill and risk of being treated as an object in order to feel desired that is the appeal?


----------



## Dollystanford

they are all desperate cliches anyway. I was sitting in a pub full of rockers the other week and they were all there with their leather trousers drinking Jack Daniels out of the bottle  and I was just thinking 'god I bet you smell fusty when you get out of those'

I guess that's what being in your 30s does for you


----------



## aug

Lon said:


> Seems a lot of women are infatuated with the dream of a reformed badboy. Seems like it just takes those guys a lot longer to grow up and learn how to be a kind compassionate human being than us nice guys. Whereas us nice guys seemed to learn respect from a young age and have and embraced integrity rather than the don't-give-a-fck attitude. Women who like the idea of him having a dark past are setting themselves up to be used and abused, I guess it is the thrill and risk of being treated as an object in order to feel desired that is the appeal?



Why would a woman want a boring life when she have the excitement of living with a "bad boy"? What's the big deal about a peaceful life?


----------



## RandomDude

Be careful with the "bad boy" types, after a while you'll threaten his lifestyle so much that he may do whatever he can to push you away so that he is not forced to change.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Women are always attracted to bad boy types. Its natural.
However , I don't think any woman could change a bad boy. She could inspire him to change.But he decides to change for himself.
In my case,I NEVER intended to get married. I always though life was too good to " spoil it " with marriage. Sex was always available to me, so why get married?
Wifey knew my reputation [ before marriage] but I always knew she liked me. However what made me change was the type of woman she was. She was different. She didn't pretend to be different,and she had tremendous 
" currency."
I was lucky, because I didn't have to put up with any of the 
" games women play" with her. She was genuine.
She told me that she was afraid of what I might do to her, and I promised her not to.


----------



## RandomDude

Despite having tamed the player in me all those years ago, my wife had yet to tame the ******* in me which only recently I've decided to change for her...


----------



## DocHoliday

I never dated a bad boy, so ladies please tell me
what on earth could possibly be the attraction?

(this is so funny, a friend of mine is chasing this guy we met at a bar a few weeks ago. He is very aggressive (had to be talked to by the bouncer - twice. I could not wait to get away from him- I rarely go out, and when I do, I don't want fighting/anger around -bad juju....)

She can hang with anyone she likes, very pretty and a body builder.
Why chase Mr. Tats?


----------



## tacoma

livelaughlovenow said:


> Yikes Ohio....I am talking about typical bad boy....attitude, tatoos, sexy, lady's man, parties, rock n roll bad boy...maybe been in trouble with the law when young.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, that's me or was me.
I'm pretty straight and narrow now after marriage.

The wife didn't change me, I changed myself for her & our kids.

A woman can be an influence for that change but it's something he has to discover and choose to do for himself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

DocHoliday said:


> I never dated a bad boy, so ladies please tell me
> what on earth could possibly be the attraction?


For me the appeal of the bad boy was that they were just like my dear old dad. Dad treated me like crap and therefore dating a bad boy was like coming home for me. Thankfully I figured it out BEFORE I got married.

I settled down with a very very NICE guy.


----------



## okeydokie

i never understood the desire some women have to change a man. why be attracted to a guy for what he is then try to change him? why not just find what you are looking for and be happy?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

working_together said:


> Just curious whether "bad boys" really do get tamed by the right woman, or are they forever set in their ways???
> 
> Anyone ever marry one??


I never believed I had THAT much charm, nor cared to get entangled to get my heart broken -to find out. I always took a guys history into account. Witnessed too many who thought they could pull this off....often having children to these men... had a long conversation with a good friend throwing rocks over a bridge 2 days ago... how she would give anything for a good family man .....her life in shambles today, her 2 boys lost...because she tied herself to one of these...16 yrs ago... The red flags were there....but his being gorgeous & exciting took presidence... he is now on his 4th wife. Funny they all think they can change such a man..only to get left broken & scarred. This one never grew up. 



> *Lon said*: Seems a lot of women are infatuated with the dream of a reformed badboy.


I will admit I LOVE LOVE LOVE movies like this.... taming the wreckless soul underneath....all for the love & admiration of 1 special woman..... but these are just movies... I believe it happens but it's more on the RARE side. I had more faith I could stir up a Nice Guy & get him to be more challenging & exciting - with my feistiness ..."chemistry" can he had in these relationships as well. 




> Seems like it just takes those guys a lot longer to grow up and learn how to be a kind compassionate human being than us nice guys. Whereas us nice guys seemed to learn respect from a young age and have and embraced integrity rather than the don't-give-a-fck attitude.


 This is completely my husband..... he was the same good man he is today as when I met him at age 18...heart wise...... very stable, loving, giving, integrity led in all things. Very mature. 

I will admit when I was younger, it seemed some of my friends were having MORE FUN than us, living on the edge....Adventure every night, high passion, but drama too. And it suddenly faded to grey -then black, he was off to another... his lust for new variety... she was left to pick up the peices of her heart. My experience was sure & stable all the way through. 

A fairy tell ending is more sure if you choose a "good man" who treats you like you are a treasure from the get-go. 

I agree some men do get the Beast out of their system... and the love of a good woman can change them, turn them on their heads....but for us to think we can change him after the vows...... *Pipe dream*. Will end in heartache. He needs to show that in spades while dating & know it is a part of his soul -forever changed inside, all things are past, all things are new. 




> *aug said*: Why would a woman want a boring life when she have the excitement of living with a "bad boy"? What's the big deal about a peaceful life?


 This is a joke right? 

I'll take it on anyway... 

Stability, faithfullness, compassion, goodness, honesty, being treated honorably, feeling respected as well as loved by a man who genuinely cares about our feelings......add some laughter in the home, a helpmate, beautiful memories, a man with a Father's heart to lead your children...this is nothing to shake a stick at, I wouldn't call such a life boring..... More peacefully "exhilerating", and so very much to be Thankful for...in this very unstable "fast food" "disposable" society we live in today. 

We all need a little Bad Girl and Bad Boy in us though..... this is our "edge".....but NEVER the whole package deal.


----------



## that_girl

People are who they are. Why go wanting to "tame" someone?

My husband has "bad boy" characteristics (motorcycles, fast cars, tattoos, etc) but he's a sweetheart. 

People can tame themselves, but it's not my job to start it.


----------



## jenniferswe

been there. done that.


----------



## chillymorn

about as easy as changing a bad girl!!!!!!!!

and as soon as they change you won't want them anymore!


----------



## working_together

FirstYearDown said:


> My husband was able to tame me and I was a BAD girl before I was married. All it took was a man who was kind and loving, instead of a selfish liar.
> 
> I was sweet and innocent at the beginning of my twenties. After being with some men who were awful to me, I began to chew up men and spit them out. I became promiscuous and stopped believing that there were any good men in the world.
> 
> Now I can't imagine making love with anyone but my husband. The thought of taking off my clothes for some random dude sickens me.
> 
> Anyone can tame a bad girl or bad boy-but those types have to be tired of their lifestyle.


I can understand that, it's about being with the right person. I'm kind of in the type of thinking "no good men out there".


----------



## working_together

Thanks for the comments everyone. I don't expect to change anyone, especially at my age, people are pretty much set in their ways, you accept it and love it, or move on. I guess I like the "bad boy" because it's intense, the person has a lot of passion and is usually very driven. I think a person can have a lot of the positive "bad boy" traits without the womanizing, drinking, and loads of drama.


----------



## EleGirl

What often happens is that a woman falls for a bad boy type because he is a 'bad boby'. Then she sets about trying to change him. If he changes she no longer likes him so much... after all she was attracted to the 'bad boy' thing.


----------



## heartsbeating

Ya know what I find appealing?

Someone that doesn't let me down. Someone that shows me respect and expects it back. Who shows consideration to others. Who knows himself well, who's not caught up on image. Who can do the laundry and take care of things when I'm sick. Who can 'roll with it' without needing a plan. Who can make a plan when I fail to have one. Who reads and learns and is aware of various things in the world. That makes him interesting to converse with and listen to. That to me is exciting. That to me is someone I want to be around all the time, who keeps me stimulated and interested.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Even Princesses can't tame bad boys. Remember Princess Caroline's first husband?


----------



## Runs like Dog

So we're agreed. Women want what they can't have until they get it then it's your fault they're unhappy because you changed.


----------



## Deejo

What I have noticed, on the dating front ... after divorce ...

Seems women want whatever their husband _wasn't_.

In many cases, those that married dutiful, responsible, compassionate ... or 'nice guy' husbands; revert to wanting a bit of excitement, uncertainty, and instability.

Whereas if the ex was an arrogant, insensitive ass ... then someone caring, thoughtful and compassionate fits the bill.


----------



## okeydokie

Deejo said:


> What I have noticed, on the dating front ... after divorce ...
> 
> Seems women want whatever their husband _wasn't_.
> 
> In many cases, those that married dutiful, responsible, compassionate ... or 'nice guy' husbands; revert to wanting a bit of excitement, uncertainty, and instability.
> 
> Whereas if the ex was an arrogant, insensitive ass ... then someone caring, thoughtful and compassionate fits the bill.


see runs like dog


----------



## Runs like Dog

Dunno. What I see in the 50something women I know is that some flock to someone JUST LIKE the ex and some flock to someone JUST LIKE THEMSELVES.


----------



## Deejo

Yeah ...

Anyone like you ... as long as it ain't you. Actually, this is exactly what my ex did.

He's very much like me ... she's acknowledged as much. But, he's also twice the man I am. I mean that literally, not figuratively. She affaired down.


----------



## okeydokie

Deejo said:


> Yeah ...
> 
> Anyone like you ... as long as it ain't you. Actually, this is exactly what my ex did.
> 
> He's very much like me ... she's acknowledged as much. But, he's also twice the man I am. I mean that literally, not figuratively. She affaired down.


he is a fatarse? go figure


----------



## heartsbeating

Deejo said:


> Yeah ...
> 
> Anyone like you ... as long as it ain't you. Actually, this is exactly what my ex did.
> 
> He's very much like me ... she's acknowledged as much. But, he's also twice the man I am. I mean that literally, not figuratively. She affaired down.


And yourself - opposite type of woman or similar to your ex?


----------



## working_together

Deejo said:


> What I have noticed, on the dating front ... after divorce ...
> 
> Seems women want whatever their husband _wasn't_.
> 
> In many cases, those that married dutiful, responsible, compassionate ... or 'nice guy' husbands; revert to wanting a bit of excitement, uncertainty, and instability.
> 
> Whereas if the ex was an arrogant, insensitive ass ... then someone caring, thoughtful and compassionate fits the bill.


Not necessarily. What I liked about my ex is something I look for in other people...I like the spunky attitude, I can't change that about myself. However, there was tons of things I disliked, and boy do I avoid those qualities in others....lol.


----------

