# In Laws.....



## ScreamingInSilence (Oct 22, 2008)

I am going to try to make this short and sweet... but any advice/comments would be helpful.

Been with Hubby for 12 years or so, married 4. Since the wedding... it's been a progressive decline.

We went house shopping. Picked a house. Stayed up all night talking about it. His parents came. Didn't approve. Hubby changed his mind too... we didn't get the house WE chose. 

In-Laws basically selected our house in the end, location: 5 minutes from their house. I had no say in the City in which we lived.

First car we bought: Hubby chose with his Father. I wasn't even there.

Wedding night: They insisted and won the battle of driving home with us after the reception in our limo. They actually rode with us on our wedding night... home... in the limo... 

Honeymoon: Father-in-Law called almost every day for two weeks.

Second car we bought, chose together, then drove it straight to the In Laws for "show and tell". Literally, straight there. No romantic drive together first, nothing. 

Pregnant. First ultrasound. They're calling as we walk into the hospital, and calling as we leave, inviting us over for supper. 

Naming the child: War. They assumed we would name our children after them.

This is a sample of my day to day life. Marriage Counselling was a flop. I feel second to the In Laws. I see no changes. My Husband knows. He has heard it over and over. Five months pregnant, and still not first. Is this the end of the road?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

So you've known him for 16 years and its just now starting to be a real problem? What were the first ten years like? were his parents an issue then? There must have been some signs. You must have known his parents were a big part of his life.


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## ScreamingInSilence (Oct 22, 2008)

We were together eight years before we married, and did not live together. I knew his Dad called a lot while he was with me - but did not realise the extent of the issue. I guess I was blinded by love....


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ScreamingInSilence said:


> We were together eight years before we married, and did not live together. I knew his Dad called a lot while he was with me - but did not realise the extent of the issue. I guess I was blinded by love....


Ya, i can relate to that. there were so many signs about the problems with my H. His mom also called him a lot and then i found out the extent of their issues after i moved states with him and gave up everything. it was brutal. 

I think it would be very hard in your situation since you are having a baby. Im still going through some issues with my in-laws and i feel second to the issues with his mom. 

But i told my H early on that I had to come first. we fought about it a lot and i even had to leave once when he invited his mom over. it took a couple years but he gets the point now.


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## mzladii (Dec 18, 2011)

Blanca said:


> Ya, i can relate to that. there were so many signs about the problems with my H. His mom also called him a lot and then i found out the extent of their issues after i moved states with him and gave up everything. it was brutal.
> 
> I think it would be very hard in your situation since you are having a baby. Im still going through some issues with my in-laws and i feel second to the issues with his mom.
> 
> But i told my H early on that I had to come first. we fought about it a lot and i even had to leave once when he invited his mom over. it took a couple years but he gets the point now.


how did you do it ? i have problems more with my SIL, but basically any of his family comes first, hes very big on impressing them and cares alot what they think of him.
I also moved states and gave up everything b4 I discovered this issue with his family.... tell me, how did u get ur man to straighten up ? (I also put it out there immediately when we started dating that I must come b4 everything and every1 and I used those words exactly he knows how I feel about being put 2nd)


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

I will say that when we were forced to move away from home, this sort of thing rapidly declined. You don't have any reason to move far from home do you


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## KI0159 (Apr 19, 2011)

Aw hun I know what your going through.

All you want to do is create a bit of space between you and the in-laws and you end up feeling like the bad one.

My husband and I were with each other for six years before we moved in together. Its weird but my in-laws didnt bother me one bit until then. I guess when you move in together its natural to get more involved in things, even if you dont want to

My situation doesnt sound half as bad as yours but I feel as if I come second too - 'Mother knows best' yeah whatever! I've tried mentioning things before to my husband but he ended up saying that I hated his family. Which isnt true, they just annoy me sometimes but apparently I've never to mention it to my husband but of course if I put a foot wrong its whole different matter

We dont have kids yet but this is something that bothers me too. Although I would want my children to have a great relationship with both sets of grandparents it worries me what situations I will be confronted with when it comes to my in-laws.

What does your husband say when you talk him about things?


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