# Revenge cheating. Don't think so.



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I asked my WS last night if it would have been me that cheated, would he have felt awful. He said, with a shrug, " yeah, I guess so".

Do you think a cheater is missing some sort of emotional connection that if the situation were reversed, it would hurt them.

Mind you, I have no plans to cheat on my WS, I just wonder if I did, would he ever really care.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Rugs said:


> I asked my WS last night if it would have been me that cheated, would he have felt awful. He said, with a shrug, " yeah, I guess so".
> 
> Do you think a cheater is missing some sort of emotional connection that if the situation were reversed, it would hurt them.
> 
> Mind you, I have no plans to cheat on my WS, I just wonder if I did, would he ever really care.


 If cheater knows that their spouse is not a cheater, the questions is not real for them, so they lie when they answer. Lying is what cheaters do best. Because of this, and the fact that cheaters are trying to sell you on not making a big deal out of their cheating, cheaters always downplay how they would feel if their spouses did the same thing to them. That is, they downplay the spouse cheating right up until they think that they may have possibly really cheated on them, then all hell breaks lose LOL.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I think I might ask mine that same question!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Do you really expect him to tell you he will stay if you cheat?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Like Lanie, I'm pretty sure my husband would love it if I cheated on him. He's even offered me a "hall pass" if I want to go have sex with someone else. For him, he would see me cheating as leveling the playing field. If I cheated, then we'd be even and could move on from his infidelity as if it never happened. 

What's really sad, is that he thinks a large part of my upset is because I'm jealous he's had experiences that I haven't. He views it not as if I'm betrayed and hurt, but as if I'm pouting because I missed out on getting to have sex with other men. He assumes that since he always wants some strange, that I do as well, but for whatever odd reason I just never jumped on the chance and that now I must be bitter about missing out. 

In his mind, me cheating would fix all that and we'd then be all better.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if a BS cheats in the WS's mind it alleviates the guilt and makes you "even"

don't ever fall for it


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

LanieB said:


> Maybe he doesn't want to believe how hurt you are.


No, he doesn't think I _should_ be hurt. For him, he truly believes (with honesty and conviction) that what I don't know about won't hurt me. That I'm hurt is only because I found out (which I shouldn't have done) and since I shouldn't have found out, then I shouldn't be hurt. When he says he never meant to hurt me he means it. Because it was none of my business and I should never have even known about it. In his mind, you aren't allowed to be hurt if he didn't mean for you to be. So, since I shouldn't be hurt, then I must just be pouting or jealous or being difficult for some reason.

Don't try to wrap your head around that for too long. What it boils down to is that my husband simply has a lack of emotional awareness, combined with an extremely deep and abiding self-centeredness. It's actually rather fascinating how his mind works. Or, well, it would be if I weren't married to him. It's more interesting the greater my emotional distance from him grows.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> if a BS cheats in the WS's mind it alleviates the guilt and makes you "even"
> 
> don't ever fall for it


You are so right. FWH's MOW gave her BH a hall pass. He took it. The last conversation I had with entailed her telling me that "She knows how I feel now".

Hahaha....no you don't. See she was aware of what her husband was doing, I wasn't. There is no comparison.


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## 3rotties (Jan 28, 2013)

My WS actually wished I would have a revenge affair so he wouldn't feel so bad. Really?! I am not a cheater and I would never give him the satisfaction of putting myself in the same category as him. 
I will feel satisifed when seperation has been completed and he has to meet my "future" significant other.( that's if I can ever let my heart trust again)


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## mg2977 (Mar 20, 2013)

My STBEXH would love if I had a revenge affair because then in his mind he would also be a victim and we "would be even". 

I also know that my STBEXH is a hypocrite and would never tolerate cheating despite how much he wants me to forgive him. 

Oh course he is completely faithful to the OW though - the faithful cheater that he is!

Cheaters are in a league all their own.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

I can say my other half would be devestated if I started to stray outside the home. She would be upset as she knows what she did was wrong and in no way would feel guilt lifted if I did the same. 

I can say I had thought about trying to hurt her in some way, but anytime I thought about getting back I always thought about what that would mean about me as a person. 

Either way, I know it'd destroy her as she's incredibly jealous of me and it'd no doubt fuel problems, no chance would it solve any "equality in marriage" issue.


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## scorp79 (Apr 25, 2013)

When I posed the question if she would leave if I cheated in the way she did she replied.

1st - No I probably wouldn't
2nd - Later said she would
3rd - Then said I should just cheat and not tell her about it.

Now she's becoming all possessive about when I go to the Gym or when I am texting a mate on my phone or other girls at work she thinks has a thing from me.

I'm no cheater but from the sidelines there is a distinct difference with revenge vs just cheating that makes revenge cheating simply not worth doing.

- Revenge cheating has no risk
- Revenge cheating has no EA connection
- Given you still care about your 'now not so significant other' it only ends up making you feel down with guilt with a what was the point of that thought.

My thoughts.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Been there, done that. Years ago I had a revenge affair on a previous serial cheater boyfriend. Did it feel good? Hell yes, the sex was fantastic but all I was thinking and feeling during it was satisfaction of getting even. I had no feelings for the OM and eventually , this fling just made me feel like if I was just as bad as him. Then he hurt me and cheated more in return. Then I contemplated cheating on him again too. Messed up as it could be. Two wrongs don't make a right - learnt that the hard way.


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