# She wants back in, not sure if its right.



## 5050 (Jul 6, 2014)

My wife and I have been together for 13 years, married for almost 7 years, and have 2 children. We were high school sweethearts, and neither of us dated many other people. We are both 30 years old now. So my wife and I have been separated for 6 months now. She was caught having an affair, and decided to move out so that she continue her affair. She says she loves the man she cheated on me with. He was the husband of a close couple that we very good friends with. At first she had no desire to try to work things out, but did not want a divorce. She wanted to see if 'they could work out'. Now she is wavering a bit, saying that maybe she would like to work it out with me, but still believes that it is a long shot. Really the only stipulation I have for reconciliation is that she cut this other man out of her life, completely. She is not willing to do it. She says that she can just be friends with him. He does live 8 hours away and they have been carrying on a long distance relationship throughout our separation. Every month she takes time off work to go visit him for several days. Since we have separated she has accrued $16000 of credit card debt, and has now found it near impossible to stay financially afloat. She says that she is moving back into the house and there's nothing I can do about it since her name is also on the mortgage. I have been the only person paying off the mortgage since our separation began. Im not sure what to do or think. I still love my wife and would love nothing more to reconcile and live happily ever after. But I don't know what her true intentions are of moving back in. Is it because she can no longer support herself, is it because she does want to work things out? She said when she moves in she will split the bills, but refuses to cut other guy off. She said that she has made several 'attempts' to end their relationship but just can't seem to go through with it. Legally I don't think I can bar her from the house, my only recourse is file for divorce or allow her to continue her affair while we maybe sort of try to reconcile. Any advice is welcome.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does the OM’s wife know that he’s in an affair with your wife?

Where have the children been all this time? Are they with you?

Do not take her back if she’s still in the affair and not 100% committed to marital recovery.

Clearly she is only moving back into have you financially support her while she cheats. That’s pure evil.

The best thing that you could do right now is to file for divorce before she moves back in. This will establish that your home is no longer her primary residence so she has no right to enter without your consent. It will also establish that you are not playing games with her and will not accept her having an affair, living in your home and mooching off you.

If you do not want her to move back in, go see an attorney. She abandoned you 6 months. The house is no longer her primary residence. Just because her name is on the mortgage does not mean she can move back in. See if the lawyer can file something stating that the house is now your principle residence and she cannot move back in.

If I own a property that I rent out, I cannot then move in on top of the renter just because my name is on the mortgage. 

What is your state law about divorce and adultery? You need to know this. In some states her adultery can help you quite a bit in a divorce. But if she moves back in and you have any sexual contact with her, adultery cannot be used as the reason for a divorce.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Until the Om is out of the picture your marriage is done. get a lawyer.

Her debt is still your debt, get a lawyer.

She will try to push your button and even force you out of the house with a fake DV, get a lawyer.


She will throw the Om in your face to piss you off, get a lawyer.

She is telling the OM what a chump you are and how she can do what ever she wants and you have to take it, get a lawyer.

I may not know this women but either do you now!

You thought she would never cheat on you.

Do not trust her, the women you married is gone.

This women now has spread her legs for some POS and now she is broke and in debt.......find a lawyer 1st thing Monday!!!! 

One more thing get tested for STD's on Tuesday!!


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

You are not her backup plan.

If you cheated, she would have divorced. 

She will not give up the OM. Have you exposed to her family?

Did she abandon her kids?

You need an attorney like yesterday.

Tell her to go back to the OM. He should pay off her debts.

You need her out of your life. Start the 180, and get your attorney now.

So sorry, but she does not respect you. Respect yourself and protect your kids.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It's hard but you need to listen to the advice given. There is nothing left to do but divorce her. I'm going through it right now. You will find that your wife is a totally different person. You won't know her. She only wants you for her own security. Once it starts, it just gets worse. I would no doubt get a lawyer.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Dear Plan B.

Your going to be taken for a emotional and financial ride down a real bumpy road unless you put your foot down and refuse to take any more of her BS.

If she moved out and has he mail going to her own place, then, she just can't waltz back in and just stake her claim.

My advice to you is this. First get a lawyer and find out what your rights are. 

Second. Make sure that she has no way to access your money in any way shape or form. If she says she's going to split the bills with you, I would take that as a line of baloney. If she somehow is legally allowed to be back in the house and you two split the bills, then insist that she gives you the money for the first month up front for mortgage, utilities, food, and anything else because what's going to happen when she has no money because she's paying off her debts she ran up while away. Your going to have to fork over the money to keep the lights on and the mortgage paid and no guarantee that she'll pay her half. Your the one that will get screwed.

One other thing. The minuet she moves back in you make sure that you have at least two VAR's. and one of them always on you because all it takes it one fight and she can call the cops, make up a story and your ass is gone from the house. It happens so don't think your an exception to the rule.

She may be your wife in name but she can not be trusted so protect yourself at all times.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I hope you have exposed to his wife.
I would expose him at his work also that will put pressure on him.
They are both pond scum.

If she has been out long enough you may not have to let her back in go see a lawyer on Monday.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does the OM’s wife know that he’s in an affair with your wife?
> 
> Where have the children been all this time? Are they with you?
> 
> ...


Listen to Ellie. Also go to IC to find out why you allow yourself to be threated like this.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

If you compromise yourself and allow the OM to be in the picture in any way you will become a door mat and no good to yourself or anyone else.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

harrybrown said:


> You are not her backup plan.
> 
> If you cheated, she would have divorced.
> 
> ...


This^^^
Have OM support her period!!!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

/sigh

I can't even bring myself to respond to this. Seriously... how can someone be so completely clueless?!?

Someone ping Bandit.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> /sigh
> 
> I can't even bring myself to respond to this. Seriously... how can someone be so completely clueless?!?
> 
> Someone ping Bandit.


Spidey sense


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

5050 said:


> ...my only recourse is file for divorce or allow her to continue her affair while we maybe sort of try to reconcile. Any advice is welcome.


Is this for real? How can you even ask this question? Who could possibly "reconcile" their marriage while allowing their spouse to continue an illicit affair?

I'm outta here.


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## upsetDan (Jun 17, 2014)

mate, if you allow this you are in for a whole life of being treated like a mug. 
She has you on a lead and is dragging you through dog s***.
let her go, grass is never greener.
be happy, find someone who will love you the way you deserve


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