# Would you sell up early just to get out or finish the job ?



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

hi people.

l'm still at the property we were renovating because there's a lot of heavier stuff and mods to do still that she couldn't have done.

we have a fair split setup but if i stay 12mths and finish it off it's worth about double my end and i'd be able to get a much llower new mortgage , maybe even have a bit left in the bank. that's really all i'll have to start over.

but if i could sell and got out now , i'd only just scrape in enough for a new deposit on another place and it would leave me with a much bigger new mortgage and nothing left if i wanna stay anywhere near this area and my daughter .
anywhere cheaper is an hr or two further in and that'll just ruin things with my daughter . she's only 11 yet.

trouble is the place just depresses me so much now with everything that's happened . i can't get into finishing any of the work . l'm alone here 70%. of the time to except when my daughter or her friends stay . it was a bright happy full of life home before , it's just empty and sad now.
l also have a local farmer family that the whole district hates and i see why now , coming and going right beside my place ,weekends, holidays with trucks and tractors , they fkg drive me mad and just spoil the setting. They're also spread far and wide through the district and will know everything that's been going on with us.

all in all , i just can't wait to get out now. the other part of the idea in finishing it of over 12 mths was to give my daughter time to adjust .
at first i thought to that maybe later on i meet new friends , maybe even a new girl , maybe we start liking it here again - who knows . it'd be great for my daughter she's only 10 mins away and of course she's nice and familiar with it. at the moment we just call it her other home . she reckons she's lucky she has two homes . her room and that's all still the same , the whole place is.
it was a really nice place before , it needs that life though but like this l hate it .

l dunno what to do , what do you think , what would you do ?


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

stay and finish what you started... that way when you sell you will have money in the bank, but that is what I would do if it was me.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

That is a rough decision WH. 

I completely get why you want out. I do to. I'm in this house - the first we bought together. Our first real home. A lot of memories. Hard to put them behind me when there is a reminder around every corner. I want to be gone. 

But... running from these memories will not make them go away. Something else will trigger them instead. A song. A scent. A phrase. It will happen. We have to learn to work through them rather than shove them down and run. 

I will now be in the house for months longer that I expected. But I'm becoming comfortable with that. If I can deal with these things and heal here in this place, then I know my progress is real. I certainly could put the house on the market tomorrow. But I too would take a big hit. 

It makes sense logically to stay. Emotionally not so much. Don't let your emotions rule you. Think with your head, not your heart.

Then choose.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Divorce is a huge distoryer of weath. You have a chance to spend the next year recouping some of that you would otherwise lose. 

Plus you cannot move an hour or two away from your child. You know you cannot do that. 

So I vote stay and do the work. The challenge is to find a way to motivate yourself. Maybe thinking of what you will do with the $$ you earn by finishing the work. There has to be something that will motivate you.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Yeah l mean practicality wise , it took us 4 yrs to get this place. We got it at 1/3 the average price in the area and one down the roads just gone on the market at 4 times what we paid for this.
This one would be that place finished off . Serious money there l couldn't make any other way .
her share would set my daughter up again .

l dunno , it's just so hard being here , can't get motivated .
l'd just so love to get the fk outa here !

l reckon the one that leaves gets it better don't you !


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife will get 50% of anything earned due to the improvements you make, right?

Well maybe she should come over and work to help her half of the equity increase. Talk with her. It's her darn investment as well. 

It's just a thought.

And if she does that you really need to get that book I suggested.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Divorce is a huge distoryer of weath. You have a chance to spend the next year recouping some of that you would otherwise lose.
> 
> Plus you cannot move an hour or two away from your child. You know you cannot do that.
> 
> So I vote stay and do the work. The challenge is to find a way to motivate yourself. Maybe thinking of what you will do with the $$ you earn by finishing the work. There has to be something that will motivate you.



Yeah your right Ele . So far every time l go to start or finish something , l just end up depressed and back in here talking to you guys.
money normally does it for me but l'm numb - nothing !


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Your wife will get 50% of anything earned due to the improvements you make, right?
> 
> Well maybe she should come over and work to help her half of the equity increase. Talk with her. It's her darn investment as well.
> 
> ...


yeah l'll have to do that.
so far she gets 50% of the first 18mths value improvement plus 50% of whatever else she puts in after she left .

that wouldn't be a bad idea you know and who knows , not that l'm hanging on her but - maybe we work out our [email protected] too along the way ! hmmm :scratchhead:


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> stay and finish what you started... that way when you sell you will have money in the bank, but that is what I would do if it was me.


that's good to know lee thanks for that .


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

zillard said:


> That is a rough decision WH.
> 
> I completely get why you want out. I do to. I'm in this house - the first we bought together. Our first real home. A lot of memories. Hard to put them behind me when there is a reminder around every corner. I want to be gone.
> 
> ...



thanks z , l was wondering how your situation was going on that one .


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> thanks z , l was wondering how your situation was going on that one .


Situation is weird man. Can't make sense of her part in it as it's just out there. Fogtown 5000. 

One minute saying she hopes there is something terribly wrong with the house so I can't sell it. Cuz if I stick around she'll have the chance to prove herself. 

Less than an hour later she says the D is set in stone and I HAVE to sell the house. 

....but she wants to come over and make dinner on Sunday and is doing all she can to make sure I can't plan ahead on my one night off/week (to keep me from dating). :scratchhead:

It isn't gonna get me down though. Like that old movie with David Bowie, Labyrinth - "You have no power over me". 

And repeat. Break the spell.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

zillard said:


> Situation is weird man. Can't make sense of her part in it as it's just out there. Fogtown 5000.
> 
> One minute saying she hopes there is something terribly wrong with the house so I can't sell it. Cuz if I stick around she'll have the chance to prove herself.
> 
> ...



Love Bowie , grew up on his stuff.

[email protected] , she's a tricky one.

My take , mate she doesn't want you to go , the D statements just taking her pride back after dropping it for a second.
she doesn't want you to sell either because the house is you guys. 
l still think she' hopes to save you guys but she's just trying to work herself out too.

We should lay it out in a new post for the girls z , see what they make of her !

Me personally and l know it's been a crazy ride for ya but gee you know , if l still loved her l wouldn't be rushing off anywhere soon myself .
Sounds like the push and alternatives have just been too fast for her and now she doesn't know what the fk she's doing .

I envy you z , you could probably get your family back I'd say.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> Love Bowie , grew up on his stuff.
> 
> [email protected] , she's a tricky one.
> 
> ...


I don't know. 

I do know that if it happens it won't be from me asking for it. She did a 180 in less than an hour because I was open with her. The real me still repels her because it makes her feel like ship. Sends her into self loathing. 

I'm not sure how she would prove herself at this point. I'm not sure I'd try to R without a grand gesture. He!! she thought making spaghetti for me was enough to make up for locking me out of the house all night! 

What's more grand than following me AFTER I move? That would get my attention. I don't know what else would.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

As in like the real you before , before all this , or the real you now , with all the trouble ?


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

PS , you do have to be a bit careful with open with my ex, l have to be a bit gentle about it .

one of the things that caused our problems. she was a lot more sensitive to things coming out of my mouth than what she was letting on until she blew up.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

She claimed to be surprised and disdained by the fact that I had anger about her EA/PA (me posting posOM on cheaterville). A side of me she'd never seen before (bullocks). 

Funny, when I opened up and talked about baggage I'd taken into the marriage from my childhood and relationships with me mother and older sister.... she said she knew. Because we've talked about it before. 

But I was never open with her. lol.

And right on cue - I just got 5 texts in 3 minutes. Last half of them are apologizing for texting so late and asking me permission to send D6 home with leftover spaghetti sauce.

Remember she made sauce for me before to apologize for locking me out (it IS awesome, from scratch, slow cooked for hours)?
D6 isn't even with her yet. 
And she doesn't apologize.

Fogtown 5000.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Foggy McFoggerson
Fogster De La Fog
Fogger Cloudrificous
Hazester Fogtastic

etc.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Yeah [email protected] , fog, fog . Sounds like a real emotional tangle in her head at the mo.
Sounds like to me anyway, she's responding to your sort of what's the word , well the way your minds made up anyway , on one hand.
But on the other she wants you back . She does want you back for sure l reckon but you know , can see to it's pretty damn tricky for ya.

Gotta admit we sort of mix with so many different situations plus our own here , they start to mix so l wanna go re read through your thread again to refresh the old memory banks.

But then again , EA's like l got messed up with and A's, any fkg type, hard to forgive l know . You wouldn't be the first one to walk after that hey it's bs !


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> Yeah [email protected] , fog, fog . Sounds like a real emotional tangle in her head at the mo.
> Sounds like to me anyway, she's responding to your sort of what's the word , well the way your minds made up anyway , on one hand.
> But on the other she wants you back . She does want you back for sure l reckon but you know , can see to it's pretty damn tricky for ya.
> 
> ...


She still has a chance. 

I've been clear about what I require. Simple really. 

Recommit 100%
Prove willingness to do whatever I require to rebuild trust


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Just a few ideas,

How many bedrooms does this house have, have you though of setting yourself up in a new room?

Or you could redo the room that you are in add some paint and go garage sales and add some new stuff and make it your own... I have taken down pictures and moments and put them in a box in the garage-kind of and out of sight out of mind thing....
or get a room mate to help you out


Just thinking out loud


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> Just a few ideas,
> 
> How many bedrooms does this house have, have you though of setting yourself up in a new room?
> 
> ...


Think away lee , thanks for that coz Eles right. l'm not moving away and giving our time up no way . been studying up about families doing that , dads , takes so much away from their time together so to stay in this area , gotta finish this place.

4 b/rs , 1 my daughters, our old one, ones got drums set up and one smaller one l use for an office.
been thinking about some share thing , bit awkward though because l want the place free for my daughter and our time so l just can't see how l'd find someone to work in with that.

but we get 4 million tourists a yr here though , maybe i could do some tourist stay thing , few days a wk , house would be free again maybe . be nice to have the one person steady instead though you know , dunno if l could be fkd with tourists.

yeah i wanna paint that damn room , l know that much. no cash right now though damn it . got a color scheme picked out, l think ! hard to decide on your own isn't it .

but yeah l have been a bit weird with changing too much too quick , don't wanna freak my daughter out and l've had trouble putting things away yet , joint looks exactly the same.

outsides hard because it's 1 ac and only me, and we also built this great big porch - for lots of people , l'm like a spec on it now alone . oh god l'm getting depressed :scratchhead:


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I think I would stay and finish it too.

I'm in the same boat in the middle of reno and I considered just dumping the place to get out but that would be like throwing away $60k profit.

I'm going to finish it up and sell it.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Tigger said:


> I think I would stay and finish it too.
> 
> I'm in the same boat in the middle of reno and I considered just dumping the place to get out but that would be like throwing away $60k profit.
> 
> I'm going to finish it up and sell it.



Ahh right , so your gonna finish it to hey . Yeah mean 60k , lot of bread . fkg hard to hang around though isn't it !
l'd much rather bail but l'd be well if prices hold here , around 60k to 100 better off to finish it . Gonna need it to stay to or else l'd have to go back to a full mortgage for another 20yrs. Spose that's bs isn't it.

l'm thinking maybe it's good for our character to Tiger , stand our ground and all that [email protected] , dunno . Ever think of it that way , what do you reckon ?


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

whitehawk said:


> Ahh right , so your gonna finish it to hey . Yeah mean 60k , lot of bread . fkg hard to hang around though isn't it !
> l'd much rather bail but l'd be well if prices hold here , around 60k to 100 better off to finish it . Gonna need it to stay to or else l'd have to go back to a full mortgage for another 20yrs. Spose that's bs isn't it.
> 
> l'm thinking maybe it's good for our character to Tiger , stand our ground and all that [email protected] , dunno . Ever think of it that way , what do you reckon ?


Well like my Dad used to say, "That isn't a crap job. That is a paying your dues and character building job."

I guess we'll just soldier on and get er done and think about the end result.

:smthumbup:


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