# considering separation , so afraid and having panic attack,need your views on this..



## walkinfaith (Jul 23, 2019)

I was sponsored to Canada after being married to my wife , she is has a kid from her ex lover , they are so close and chat about a lot , business , basketball games and all that, when he calls on the phone , shouting at her i feel bad and try to sort it as i see her looking so low in response.

This same ex boyfriend use to beat her up and she called the police, she said they have moved on , this guy now has 3 different kids with 3 different women and currently has a new lover even though he just had a kid with another lady some 4 months ago but my wife still goes to like his pictures on Facebook and when i tell her i don't like that, she will say i am insecure; whenever she does something wrong and i am trying to correct her she will be defensive and say i should not shout at her, she is not a baby and blah blah ..then she will remind me of what i said to her 2 years ago before she got pregnant when she visited me and i noticed her stomach increased tremendously from her last visit and i asked her if she was pregnant , she said no and we hushed it but not long after before she left , she became pregnant.

I moved to Canada , bought all the baby things and even signed the birth certificate, her and her mother said i was not as caring as the other guy when she had the first baby, i felt so sad and alone , i spoke to a friend i thought could keep my worries in secret but some one called my wife and told her and i apologized to her , we made up but every times we have an argument, she will remind me i told my friend about my fear when she came how i noticed her tummy was big means i denied my son. 

The ex lover left her when their baby was 3 months.

I have never have i told her that my son is not my son and i have always provided and cared for both my step son and my kid, he even calls me daddy,when i correct the child, she defend him and that's another problem , but not the topic of today.

When we argue and she wants to defend herself, she will bring this i told her during her visit that her tummy was big and how i told my friend then turn it that means i deny my son, which just breaks me and makes me feel like i am wasting my time , now we are not talking and i come back from work and she comes back home by 11 pm, so i will be asleep when she comes in , i cant ask where she is coming from, if i try to correct and she will say what of you and this then argument would spiral down to same thing then this last one she said since we share the rents and bills equally i don't expect her to clean house or do anything. She bought the apartment we live before i came and has only her name on on it, and has not changed her last name, yet i pay part of the mortgage, hydro and all bills , last time , her and her mum was angry that i got tax return and didn't give her half of it. she now says i go about telling everyone about my relationship ...so seems like this will be my fate if i make any new friend.

i am tired, don't know if this is what everyone has to experience, i am starting to think separation and divorce. My fear is she might come up with bad things to send me out of Canada or give me a record, i don't know what this will lead to, help me please. i am at work and cant think straight . she earns more than me, i don't understand what is going on and the kind of hate we get when we fight this is not what a friend will have , let alone wife and husband. What do i need to do to prepare for separation if i have to or divorce. I know she will tell my kid bad things about me since she already say i deny my kid in front of me even after all i do.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She treats you like crap and has a child that isnt yours who she is trying to pass off as yours! You need to get out of this and get far away from this woman!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hello, welcome to TAM!

First things first, you need to change your user name from something that is not your email address and not your real name. What would you like your user name to be? Post it here and I'll change it for you.


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## walkinfaith (Jul 23, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> She treats you like crap and has a child that isnt yours who she is trying to pass off as yours! You need to get out of this and get far away from this woman!


One of the kids is mine, she was so mad one time that my colleague from work said to me , oh i didnt know you had two kids all along and i said oh yeah i do. just to make her feel proud and happy. later when we had this disagreement , she said to me that my colleague at work didn't even know i have two kids , even when i accepted in front of him that i do when the child's father is still very much in the child's life and i am still being blamed instead of appreciated for my defense of accepting it . If i had said oh , he is my step son , then i can understand her anger bringing that up in an unrelated argement .


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'd like to know more about you correcting her when she is wrong. How does this come about?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i would still DNA that child i do not trust your wife.....the cycle of abuse continues...he (ex-lover) abused her and now she abuses you...time to put on those big boy pants you left in the closet and tell her that you want a divorce. time to stand up for yourself because she certainly is not. BTW change your user name


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## walkinfaith (Jul 23, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Hello, welcome to TAM!
> 
> First things first, you need to change your user name from something that is not your email address and not your real name. What would you like your user name to be? Post it here and I'll change it for you.


Please how do i change my user name ?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

walkinfaith said:


> Please how do i change my user name ?


I have to change your name. So please post here the name that you want and I'll change it.


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## walkinfaith (Jul 23, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> I'd like to know more about you correcting her when she is wrong. How does this come about?


Example , she always make you look foolish , she was going to go to a carnival and told me that she wanted to go and help her mum , that if she was going to have fun, she could have said we should go together and i said okay , no worries just try and come back on time , she finally left and not a word , instead of 2 hours we talked about , she came back 5hrs later and i was so hungry, i called her twice and sent her msg but she didn't pick, if she calls me once and i don't pick she will be so angry and squeeze her face but i did allow her , ate and strolled to the carnival , then i met her friend who i told " oh my wife just left here , did you meet her and she said no but she is coming back here and i was like really ? but i was hoping to be here for an hr and go back home so i can spend time with her . then i left the friend and called her , she then changed the narrative that she was still thinking about it and that she said we could have gone together and i said baby, i don't like it when you change things and lie , you told me that you wanted to go and help your mom at the carnival that if not you would have said we should go together if you were going for fun and you have talked with your friend and didn't even tell me you were gonna come back , instead of acknowledge and apologize or something like oh baby i was going to tell you before you called and that could have ended everything , instead she said why am i getting angry just cos she said she wants to come and i said that's is not why , i was angry cos you are lying to my face and changing what you said and she said i should say i didn't hear it .. so that's how the defense goes on and on next thing she said , its like anytime i am out with my friend i will be trying to correct her or getting angry and i explained , when you came home late and i was correcting you was my friend there , i am actually alone and i find it annoying that you always do this , always try to rubbish any thing i say by bringing something up to counter it .. then i hug up , went home and she already left , i sent her a msg that i am home and you are not here , you didn't tell me you were going and you said you just wanted to think about going or not. when i got home the whole house was so scattered and the door not locked , she refused to read it or respond , now we have gone days no talking and i have been eating out , going to work come back to empty house and she comes back 11pm , prior to this while i was working at night in my previous job , she was chatting with different boys who have always had interest in her and they have conversations like " oh you were not serious , you didn't come and so you expect me not to marry, i saw someone else , some calling video call and saying don't tell your husband but i think you are so beautiful , sexy and succulent couldn't stop staring and true to that she didn't tell me , until i saw it .. i forgave that and move past it ,, thank God , i didn't bring it up when she was bring past things cos i was looking for what to say back but didn't say those .


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## walkinfaith (Jul 23, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> I have to change your name. So please post here the name that you want and I'll change it.


walkinfaith


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

First of all an X shouldn't be in your marriage which he clearly is. Secondly, don't be surprised if the second kid isn't yours. DNA test immediately.


Read up and stop taking it on the chin

https://archive.org/details/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

walkinfaith said:


> Example , she always make you look foolish , she was going to go to a carnival and told me that she wanted to go and help her mum , that if she was going to have fun, she could have said we should go together and i said okay , no worries just try and come back on time , she finally left and not a word , instead of 2 hours we talked about , she came back 5hrs later and i was so hungry, i called her twice and sent her msg but she didn't pick, if she calls me once and i don't pick she will be so angry and squeeze her face but i did allow her , ate and strolled to the carnival , then i met her friend who i told " oh my wife just left here , did you meet her and she said no but she is coming back here and i was like really ? but i was hoping to be here for an hr and go back home so i can spend time with her . then i left the friend and called her , she then changed the narrative that she was still thinking about it and that she said we could have gone together and i said baby, i don't like it when you change things and lie , you told me that you wanted to go and help your mom at the carnival that if not you would have said we should go together if you were going for fun and you have talked with your friend and didn't even tell me you were gonna come back , instead of acknowledge and apologize or something like oh baby i was going to tell you before you called and that could have ended everything , instead she said why am i getting angry just cos she said she wants to come and i said that's is not why , i was angry cos you are lying to my face and changing what you said and she said i should say i didn't hear it .. so that's how the defense goes on and on next thing she said , its like anytime i am out with my friend i will be trying to correct her or getting angry and i explained , when you came home late and i was correcting you was my friend there , i am actually alone and i find it annoying that you always do this , always try to rubbish any thing i say by bringing something up to counter it .. then i hug up , went home and she already left , i sent her a msg that i am home and you are not here , you didn't tell me you were going and you said you just wanted to think about going or not. when i got home the whole house was so scattered and the door not locked , she refused to read it or respond , now we have gone days no talking and i have been eating out , going to work come back to empty house and she comes back 11pm , prior to this while i was working at night in my previous job , she was chatting with different boys who have always had interest in her and they have conversations like " oh you were not serious , you didn't come and so you expect me not to marry, i saw someone else , some calling video call and saying don't tell your husband but i think you are so beautiful , sexy and succulent couldn't stop staring and true to that she didn't tell me , until i saw it .. i forgave that and move past it ,, thank God , i didn't bring it up when she was bring past things cos i was looking for what to say back but didn't say those .


Just a bit of help here in using the forum.... your posts are hard to read because you are not using paragraphs and proper punctuation. Commas "," are not the same as periods "." Also capitalizing the first word of every sentence helps in reading written text. Your posts read like one HUGE run-on sentence so it's hard to follow what you are saying.


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