# New marriage, Bad desission...need guidence



## Isabella (Aug 25, 2009)

Hi everyone. My story is a long and probably confusing one, but if you could take the time to hear me out and perhaps share back your experiences if they are similar to mine, or offer advice and guidence to me, I would really appreciate the help! I appologize for the lengthy post but it's all important!

I am 28 years old, mother to a 10 year old from a previous relationship. I am currently 4 months into my marriage (my first)
This is my story.

In October of 2008, I was in the midst of ending a 5 year commonlaw relationship when I met a man online. I was in Canada, he was in the US. We talked online everyday for a while, then on the phone. He quickly made me "fall" for him (Don't ask me how that is possible online!) I think maybe I was just hearing what I needed to hear, and he was feeding it to me well! We were "soulmates" and so I bought a plane ticket in February of 2009 and flew South (with my sister) to go see him. We were there for a week. He is 41 divorced with 5 children (none live with him). He lived with his parents, had no car, and had been let go of his job. (this shoulda been the first red flag) but unfortunatly, I was starstruck and "in love" and did not head my younger sister's warnings about the vibe she got from him. He asked me to marry him when I was there for the visit. No ring, just asked and I said yes. I felt like I was doing the right thing! I went back to canada, and at the end of April, he flew to buffalo and I took a 1.5 hour drive and 4 hour bus ride to meet him in buffalo. We got married (on our second time meeting in person) in NY. I bought the rings, and please do not laugh, but I bought the engagment ring too cause I didnt want my family to freak out cause he hadn't got me one. WHAT WAS I THINKING? So anyways, we married, and went back to my 3 bdrm house where he met my son for the first time. I am such a bad mom, I married a stranger before even introducing my son to him. WHAT WAS I THINKING? I introduced him to my family, and told them I was moving to the states to be with my "husband" I did not head my friends or family's warnings prior to this nor after. He went back to the US after a week long visit (beginning of may) and at the end of June I quit my decent paying, secure job and got ready to leave canada with my son. Early July, I gave up my car, left my home and family and all familiar, shuttled to the airport hopped on the plane and came to the US. The border people only gave me a 2 week visa on my passport stamped No AOS No EOS. He told me Id be ok to come and stay 6 months and that we'd get my green card and it'd all be ok, but I've been doing research and I'm not allowed to be here now! I cant get a job, cant do nothing. Found out even that if I did get a green card, Id have to wait about 2 years to go back to canada for a visit! He told me Id be able to visit my family, and when I told him what I found out, he said, "I know" and when I questioned why he didnt tell me before, he ignored me. ANYWAYS, Im off track here, back to the situation. I got here July 6th, and he had an apartment here for us to move into (which his parents paid the months rent for) I knew he didnt have a job and hadnt had one since Nov. of '08. We moved in and 2 weeks later he got a job. That lasted 2 weeks. I have been very supportive! I got up each morning, made him breakfast and his lunch for work, saw him off to work, cleaned the house all day and kept my son busy while "hub" was at work etc. About 2 days after moving here, I started to notice stuff, and it has escalated from there. First thing he does when he wakes, is go on the computer. When he was working for 2 weeks, he went online, went to work, came home, went online and took the laptop to bed with him. Before his 2 week job, and ever since, he is ALWAYS online!!! No porn or anything, just always reading wikipidia and sports and music stuff... but ALWAYS got the computer! Also noticed he is very self centered! His family must revolve around him, the day must revolve around him. If it's not how he wants it to go, he throws a fit. Freaks at his parents and family if they point anything out to him or show any kind of resistence. He has no consideration for how other people feel, no consideration for their time (making his mom drive us all over when she is sick and tired and guilt tripping her if she doesnt want to etc.) He is very racist (he is puerto rican/american born) but is racist badly! He is so judgmental and no one else is right but him! Is is very bossy to my 10 year old son. Infact, bout the only time he interacts with him, is to boss him around. (He knew I didnt want that, and assured me he'd be an amazing, loving step dad and do lots of fun stuff with him and make him confident etc.) ARGGG!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING!? He is LAZY!! Spills stuff, makes a huge mess and walks over it like it never happened, expecting me to clean it. He lays around in his underware and T shirt all day (once he has woke up) and does nothing but computer and writing/designing comics (I am supportive of his comic creativity) He isnt looking for another job but "waiting" to hear back from the one that let him go cause "apparently" they are offering him a new position. I cant work, not legally allowed, so I only have a small amount of cash that comes in near the end of the month (child support) and because he is only getting a tiny bit each week from unemployment, All the money I recieve is paying rent. I am fine with that, but he is not actively looking for work!!! I have tried to talk to him, about the amount of time he spends on the computer and how maybe I can help him find a job.. and he just flipps out "no one tells me what to do" etc. His own parents shake their heads at him, tell me stories of how his whole life they been bailing him out of situations and he cant hold a job and is lazy etc. I wish I knew all this stuff! He also wants to get me pregnant, BADLY. He says Pregnant women turn him on. Im not sure I want it now. He says he loves me and kisses me all over (in short sessions) and then goes right back to his laptop or puts his ipod on. Even when we go to his folks place, he brings the laptop and heads to the room. I seriously dunno what to do. I don't feel inlove anymore, I havent since I moved here. I feel trapped. Sometimes I wanna rip his ego-head off and show himself to himself, but he is set in his ways! I think I made a BIG MISTAKE!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Child support isn't meant to support some guy you barely know. "Being bossy to my 10 year old son" was all I needed to hear and think go back to Canada, start over...learn from this experience & put your son first before making life-changing decisions. This man will not change and your son is far away from the only home he knew.


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## Julie (Jun 1, 2009)

Get your marriage annulled and go home!


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

Isn't there a Canadian Embassy here or something? Contact the appropriate authorities ASAP, get your marriage annulled, go home and start making amends with your SON first and then with yourself for making such a monumental mistake. ....

What are you still doing here? RUN!


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## Isabella (Aug 25, 2009)

I talked with my sister last night, and she is going to send me money to get home. I want to do this descreetly cause I don't know how "he" will react if I tell him I am leaving, and I have no one here to help me if things get violent, so I don't want him knowing. He is supposed to be starting a new job "here's hoping" next week, and if he does, I am gonna jet when he is at work. I googled "Annulment" and that was what I was going to do, but I don't know if I have to do that before I leave? We got married in Niagara Falls NY. Current residence in Florida. I am from Ontario Canada. What do I do first!? (I haven't left yet because I have NO money and he is currently home all day so makes it hard to run)


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

first thing to do is get away from him and go home.

all legalities come later.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Being deported looks good about now.


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## waterloo (Sep 2, 2009)

Be subtle, be quite, go home to visit your family and never go back.


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