# My wife is constantly late for everything



## Jeff2003 (Jan 24, 2020)

My wife and I have three children together and our kids are involved in a number of activities throughout the year (school, baseball/softball, basketball, swimming, soccer, etc). I typically am the one who takes my kids to school and all of their activities, but I travel for my job 6-8 weeks out of the year so there are many times when I need to rely on my wife to bring our kids to school and other events. 

She either is extremely late in bringing the kids to these events, or she doesn’t bring them at all. My daughter missed more than half of her softball games last year because my wife decided to simply not bring her. The times I’ve been gone traveling, the kids were all extremely late getting to school each day. It would be one thing if my wife was late to her own job or her own commitments so it only impacted her, but it’s impacting the lives of my children to the point where their school performance could be affected and they are missing out on childhood sports and other activities.

I’ve tried talking to my wife a number of times in a calm manner about it but it hasn’t helped. I’ve given her advice for how to get places on time and tried to emphasize the importance of it, but things haven’t improved.

What should I do? It bothers me to the point where I’m considering divorce due to this and because our overall marriage hasn’t gone well the last couple years. My concern with divorce though is that this would make things even worse for the kids, as she would have custody half the time or more and I wouldn’t be there to help, so the kids lives would be negatively impacted even more than they are now.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Arrange other rides for your kids. Have another parent pick them up and drop them off at home. Give them gas money for this.

You can't make your wife do this. You've already tried and she doesn't consider it to be as important as you do, therefore, you will have to make other arrangements if you want your kids to get where they need to go.

You're right. Divorcing your wife would only make this a problem 50% of the time rather than 15.39% of the time. (based on 8 weeks of travel per year)

If you want to be able to get along with your wife and have as happy a life with her as possible, it will be important for you to let this go and forgive her. Holding it against her only adds up to bitterness and resentment, which makes for a lousy relationship.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The being late issue may be a passive-aggressive thing.

Barring the late thing, are there deeper marriage issues?

It seems you're alluding to deeper marital problems by throwing out the divorce bomb.

It sounds like the late thing has been going on a long time, that is a pretty significant issue, to the levels you've described.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Jeff2003 said:


> My wife and I have three children together and our kids are involved in a number of activities throughout the year (school, baseball/softball, basketball, swimming, soccer, etc). I typically am the one who takes my kids to school and all of their activities, but I travel for my job 6-8 weeks out of the year so there are many times when I need to rely on my wife to bring our kids to school and other events.
> 
> She either is extremely late in bringing the kids to these events, or she doesn’t bring them at all. My daughter missed more than half of her softball games last year because my wife decided to simply not bring her. The times I’ve been gone traveling, the kids were all extremely late getting to school each day. It would be one thing if my wife was late to her own job or her own commitments so it only impacted her, but it’s impacting the lives of my children to the point where their school performance could be affected and they are missing out on childhood sports and other activities.
> 
> ...


Whose idea is it for the kids to be involved in so many extracurricular activities? Kids or parents? And did your wife commit to it when the kids were put into the sports?


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## Jeff2003 (Jan 24, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The being late issue may be a passive-aggressive thing.
> 
> Barring the late thing, are there deeper marriage issues?
> 
> ...


There have been other issues in our marriage, and this sort of feels like the straw that is breaking the camels back. Our kids are young (oldest started kindergarten this year, middle child is in preschool, youngest day care) so the late thing only became more of an issue recently as our kids have started school and sports. Prior to this she still caused us to be late for everything (church, appointments, etc) but I suppose it was more tolerable then when I didn’t view the lateness as impacting our kids.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Have you ever heard the phrase "She'll be late to her own funeral"? It sounds like it will apply to your wife. If she's chronically late to everything, there's probably not a whole lot you can do. I'm guessing that your suggestions are met with a lot of resistance and then apathy when it comes to implementing them. For all practical purposes, you should consider this as an unfixable problem and figure out solutions which don't require her to be more time conscious.

Try to worry about the things that really matter. Missing softball isn't a big deal, but not getting to school is. Find ways that the kids can be on time for the things that matter, like taking the bus to school so her lateness won't affect them. When the kids get older, they can take care of more things on their own.

What other kinds of issues are you having in your marriage? If she magically changed and was always on time, would you still be thinking about divorce? A lot of times there's not one big thing that breaks a marriage, but many smaller things that all add up and are too much to deal with.


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## Jeff2003 (Jan 24, 2020)

Lila said:


> Jeff2003 said:
> 
> 
> > My wife and I have three children together and our kids are involved in a number of activities throughout the year (school, baseball/softball, basketball, swimming, soccer, etc). I typically am the one who takes my kids to school and all of their activities, but I travel for my job 6-8 weeks out of the year so there are many times when I need to rely on my wife to bring our kids to school and other events.
> ...


I have taken the lead on signing them up for sports and most activities, but the kids enjoy it and want to be involved in them. We limit it so they are not involved in more than one sport at a time (soccer in fall, basketball in winter, baseball in spring, etc) other than swim lessons which they do once a week year round. My wife just seems to have a very hard time getting anywhere on time, and it’s something she’s struggled with long before we had kids. I just feel it’s more of an issue now since it’s impacting the kids.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Jeff2003 said:


> I have taken the lead on signing them up for sports and most activities, but the kids enjoy it and want to be involved in them. We limit it so they are not involved in more than one sport at a time (soccer in fall, basketball in winter, baseball in spring, etc) other than swim lessons which they do once a week year round. My wife just seems to have a very hard time getting anywhere on time, and it’s something she’s struggled with long before we had kids. I just feel it’s more of an issue now since it’s impacting the kids.


This is just my opinion, but kids are way over committed these days with extra curricular activities and for as much as they enjoy doing those things, I bet you dollar to donuts that they wouldn't miss these activities after too long if they were to stop. I'm only saying this because it's typically the parents of these over committed kids driving the bus. It's also the parents relationship that suffers. 

Your wife has always had this issue with being late. She is who she is. You've known that since you met her. Asking her to change her personality now is unfair, especially if she's not the one committing the kids to all of these extra activities. 

If the sports thing is important to you then as @Cynthia stated, you will need to also be responsible for them when you are not in town. That means you will have to "make other arrangements if you want your kids to get where they need to go".

Personally, I would cut back to one sport season per kid per year. And unless they absolutely need swim lessons or look like they might be naturally superior to the rest of the group, cut those out entirely.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Google the topic. There's a lot of stuff on this subject.
Consider getting into MC and bringing this up.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

wilson said:


> Have you ever heard the phrase "She'll be late to her own funeral"? It sounds like it will apply to your wife. If she's chronically late to everything, there's probably not a whole lot you can do.


This was my mother.... The family joke was if you want her to be there at dinner time, invite her to a lunch.

But honestly, looking back at it, and with maturity and perspective, I think it's an anxiety disorder.

As my sister has gotten older, she is now displaying the same patterns, and it's not a surprise to me she also struggles with anxiety.

Perhaps this does not apply to your wife, but try observing her behavior of WHY she is always late.

Is it that she just can't get out of bed? Does she display low energy or other signs of depression?

Does she race around the house constantly remembering "one more thing" that needs to be taken care of, checked on etc before she can actually muster walking out the door?

For my sister it got so bad she started opting to home school, because she just could not get the kids out the door every day - it was her mental health that was stopping her, not laziness (she has since recognized this and the kids are back in school, dad takes them when she just simply can't).

My observation of these "chronically late" women I have known and loved, it wasn't that they were trying to be passive aggressive or just were lazy and didn't care. Similar to agoraphobia, they just couldn't make themselves get through the door - there was always something stopping them. 

How is your wife's mental health over all? Would she consider counseling? What about marriage counseling?

I completely understand how frustrating this can be, it used to make me furious. But with some understanding and compassion I now see it in a different light.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

What do you think is making your wife habitually late? Sleeping in? Taking forever to put on makeup? Trying and discarding numerous outfits?

She could be basically disorganized. Then again, she may just not care about being on time.

I get the feeling there is a more significant issue impacting this one. If you wish to share, please do.

P.S. - My father was often late. In my case, it boiled down to him not giving a damn about my mother or me. We weren't a priority in his time management. Do you think that could be the case with your wife?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

What on earth! This is a lot of activity for children who are so young. I cannot imagine driving the kids around to all those activities. It must be exhausting. Has your wife said anything about it? Has she told you that it’s too much?

What do you mean that you’ve “taken the lead” on signing them up? Do you mean that you went and did it without your wife’s agreement? Did she actually agree to this?

You knew your wife was chronically late, but now that you have children it’s a problem, when apparently it wasn’t such a big deal before. 

Is there another woman that you’re interested in?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Tell us exactly why she can't be on time. Sleeping in? Not getting up early enough? Does she get side tracked?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

So, I don't think there is anything wrong with having your kids in soccer (or whatever seasonal sport) and swimming at the same time. Swimming is something that all kids should take and to me it is compulsory. Granted, my kids are FAR busier than yours so maybe I'm biased.

My first thought reading your post was has your wife been diagnosed with or show signs of anxiety or depression? What is she doing, or lacking to do, that makes her late? 

Some people are just always late (just like some people are always 2 hours early), and if that's the case, there is nothing you can do about it. You knew that your wife was like this, and you cannot expect someone to change after marriage or kids. What you can do is work on the problem. The problem is not your wife being late or you taking the initiative to sign the kids up in the first place. It's getting your kids to their lessons and school on time. Worry about how to solve that, without expecting your wife to change. You should be fighting the problem, not fighting against each other.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

The bottom line is, she’s an adult; it’s her choice. Being late may have went on so long that it just comes natural now, but if she knows how to tell time and can do some simple math calculations, there is no reason for it. Things come up for all of us at times, but habitual tardiness is a choice.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Jeff2003 said:


> I have taken the lead on signing them up for sports and most activities, but the kids enjoy it and want to be involved in them. We limit it so they are not involved in more than one sport at a time (soccer in fall, basketball in winter, baseball in spring, etc) other than swim lessons which they do once a week year round. My wife just seems to have a very hard time getting anywhere on time, and it’s something she’s struggled with long before we had kids. I just feel it’s more of an issue now since it’s impacting the kids.


So you didn't check with her first, yet sign the kids up for things that she'll have to get them to. That's not cool.

There must be more to this - you need to explore the other issues in your marriage, because to consider divorcing someone because they're late for things is, frankly, ridiculous.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Don’t expect it to change. I have a family member who is always late. She is almost 60 years old now.

It also set an example for her kids and they don’t respect being on time either. They think it’s funny even though everyone tells them it’s disrespectful.

Looks like This would be easier on your family life if you find someone or pay someone to give them a ride as needed.

You won’t be able to depend on her to change. figure out the schedule and leave her out of it.

And yes, it makes a LOT of people upset! When she’s not ready and you need to leave in order to be on time - leave without her. She can get there herself.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

My ex was chronically late. The rudeness and disrespect of some of the lateness felt by others (being late often impacts others, sometimes groups of others, in a really negative way) at times spilled over onto me and our kids --- people disgusted with me and our family in general, because we were associated with him. 

There is some advice here to just accept your wife as she is, don't let it bother you. That's not really possible. This severity of continual lateness has a huge impact on your family's life and the way people in your social group and community view all of you. .

I think it's definitely a marriage counseling worthy issue. In time the issue might turn you completely off her. Sounds like it already is.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I do wonder how the school is about the older child being late so often. I am pretty sure that here in the UK they would not be happy at all and would have her in for a talk. All the others manage to get there on time, and most of them too probably have 1 or 2 other children. 
When she worked was she late to work? If not then that shows its perfectly possible for her to get there on time. She can get up earlier, get things organised the night before, how everyone else does it. 

I disagree with some here who think that just one sport and one swimming lesson a week is too much. Its really not, kids love those sorts of things and simply not to take them is lazy. 
One alternative is that you try and get a job where you don't have to travel, but you do more that your share already to be honest.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Change job so you don't travel and you can be there for your kids...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Change job so you don't travel and you can be there for your kids...


Wow really? Codependent much? You are advising this man CHANGE JOBS because his wife can't get kids to places on time? Talk about enabling..


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Livvie said:


> My ex was chronically late. The rudeness and disrespect of some of the lateness felt by others (being late often impacts others, sometimes groups of others, in a really negative way) at times spilled over onto me and our kids --- people disgusted with me and our family in general, because we were associated with him.
> 
> *There is some advice here to just accept your wife as she is, don't let it bother you*. That's not really possible. This severity of continual lateness has a huge impact on your family's life and the way people in your social group and community view all of you. .
> 
> *I think it's definitely a marriage counseling worthy issue.* In time the issue might turn you completely off her. Sounds like it already is.


I think the advice to accept her as she is, is in effect, that he can't change her. He said she's been this way "since before the kids" which makes me think this is who she's been the entirety of their relationship. He married her knowing she's perpetually late. Getting angry at her now for doing exactly what she's always done is just making him resentful. This is who she is. This is who she's always been. 

The only thing he can control is himself. He can remove his wife from the equation and take on the responsibility to ensure he and his kids get to where they need to be on time. He can also choose to divorce her at which point he loses control of his kids 50% of the time. 

But if he wishes to stay married then marriage counseling would be good so he can work on letting go of his resentment towards her. He shouldn't go with the hopes of changing her into what he wants her to be.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Wow really? Codependent much? You are advising this man CHANGE JOBS because his wife can't get kids to places on time? Talk about enabling..


His wife is obviously unable to deal with it and it's damaging the kids. If he really cares that much, that's the solution. Divorce is not a solution. Arrange other transport? How? With all those activities? It's not a matter of co-dependency... it's doing what is right for his kids since his wife can't get her act together...


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## Jeff2003 (Jan 24, 2020)

frusdil said:


> Jeff2003 said:
> 
> 
> > I have taken the lead on signing them up for sports and most activities, but the kids enjoy it and want to be involved in them. We limit it so they are not involved in more than one sport at a time (soccer in fall, basketball in winter, baseball in spring, etc) other than swim lessons which they do once a week year round. My wife just seems to have a very hard time getting anywhere on time, and it’s something she’s struggled with long before we had kids. I just feel it’s more of an issue now since it’s impacting the kids.
> ...


My wife was fully aware that the kids were being signed up for these activities and she agreed to it. I take the lead on signing our kids up for the activities because my wife won’t do it. If I didn’t take the lead on it, my wife would have our kids sitting in the house 24 hours a day watching bubble guppies.

There are other things that have gone on in our marriage that caused me to mention divorce. This more or less just one more negative in the marriage pushing me over the ledge.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Does your wife work? What's her schedule like during the day?

When my kids were little I struggled to get to places on time. I tried to plan and pack things in advance but I was almost never out the door on time. I felt tired all the time. I think I had a little bit of postpartum blues. More like an anxiety thing. My brain was all over the place.

Once I made the mistake of signing my kids to sports and swimming without realizing games were played at the same time in two different fields. We had no family to help us and my husband was working. I was a mad woman during that season and late for a lot of the games.

My kids are older now but they are still involved in extracurricular activities. 

I am not a morning person. I get up in the morning but I feel like a zombie until I'm fully awake. I send my kids to school while I'm trying to wake up.

Is your wife getting a good night sleep? I know I struggle to be on time for early morning activities. I hate it when my kids have early games on a Saturday morning.

I work by showing up to assignments. I start my assignments at 9 a.m. Earlier than that and my brain is all spaced out and can't concentrate. 

My husband is the opposite. He starts working at 4 a.m. He goes to bed really early. He can't stand being late. 

Maybe your wife is struggling with motherhood. How's she doing as a mom and wife? Do you have family that can help out?

I limit my kids activities. I have two kids and I can only handle 2 activities per child, one sport and another activity. No more or I'm not responsible for their transportation. I've told my husband this. I love my kids but I need time for myself, for my home, for cooking a nice meal, etc. 

My advice would be trying to find help from friends and family. Why is your kindergartner not taking the bus to school? And try to help your wife find the root of the cause for her being always late. 

If you can give an example of her daily routine, it will give us a better idea of what's going on.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

southbound said:


> The bottom line is, she’s an adult; it’s her choice. Being late may have went on so long that it just comes natural now, but if she knows how to tell time and can do some simple math calculations, there is no reason for it. Things come up for all of us at times, but habitual tardiness is a choice.


This isn't really how it works for most people who are chronically tardy. I was late from the time I was a child. I can remember missing the bus multiple times and being late well into adulthood. The thing that changed for me was when someone told me that late people do not value the time of others. That really hit me and I realized I had to do something about my tardiness. I analyzed why I was late and realized that it was simply due to poor planning. If I had to be somewhere at 3:00. I didn't make enough time to get ready to leave. I would think about how long it took me to get to a place, but not how long it would take me to get ready to go there. It became much worse when I had children and it was like herding cats to get them ready. 

Once I recognized why I was late, I was able to do something about it and today I am rarely late and my children are also usually on time. I taught them to plan for how long it takes to get out the door, how long the travel time is, and add ten minutes for traffic problems. I am now usually 10-15 minutes early. All because I recognized that I need more time to prepare rather than just getting up to go when I should have been on the road.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jeff2003 said:


> My wife was fully aware that the kids were being signed up for these activities and she agreed to it. I take the lead on signing our kids up for the activities because my wife won’t do it. If I didn’t take the lead on it, my wife would have our kids sitting in the house 24 hours a day watching bubble guppies.


From what you've said thus far, it sounds like you no longer love your wife. You don't like her either. I'm not sure what advice it is you seek. Without knowing what the other issues are in your relationship, and given the fact that you sound done, I'd say it's time to lawyer-up. JMO.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I sense a rewriting of history and a decreased ability to handle irritations about your wife. I also think there is very likely a woman, other than your wife, that you are developing an interest in. Is there anyone you are noticing at swimming lessons or the kid's school? Anyone at work? Someone you have begun to text? Do you think this is "just friends" and harmless?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I posted a reply but it is not showing up. So pardon if it double posts. Clearly we need more info. I sense a hesitancy for you to disclose. Does your wife work? What is her day-to-day schedule like?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

We’re missing a lot of information. Does your wife tell you that she was late or does your children tell you? Does she admit that she had trouble being on time? I’m sure you have had a lot of conversations about this, what does she say?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jeff2003 said:


> There are other things that have gone on in our marriage that caused me to mention divorce. This more or less just one more negative in the marriage pushing me over the ledge.


I often see posters here who are reticent to divulge much. It could mean there is another woman. It could also mean his wife has put herself in compromising situations. Could be a million different things. So while my suspicion, after reading countless threads on TAM over the years, is the OP is interested in someone else, I could be wrong.

Guess we won't know unless he's forthcoming with more details.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Meh, my Mum and Husband are always late for everything. Neither of them are going to change, it's not worth the stress of rushing them so I manage the issue by telling both of them that events start half an hour to an hour before they do, depending on what it is. It's just not worth it.

Neither of them have figured it out yet either and I've been doing it for years pmsl.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

A person who cant even get their children to school on time, misses activities they signed up for just because is defended.

A person who signs his kids up for ONE sport per season is treated like crazy sports and activities obsessed person.

Give me a break. Im guessing the OP is signing his kids up for the equivalent of YMCA type sports. Usually at that age a one hour practice a week at most and then one game. Seasons last anywhere from 6-8 weeks. Oh the humanity. When will they have time to be children?

OP would likely benefit from marriage counseling with his wife. Hopefully the marriage counselor bills by the hour so wife will be forced to respect their time.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Middle of Everything said:


> A person who cant even get their children to school on time, misses activities they signed up for just because is defended.
> 
> A person who signs his kids up for ONE sport per season is treated like crazy sports and activities obsessed person.
> 
> ...


It's not ONE sport per season that's the issue. It's 3 X ONE sport per season. There's 3 kids going at it year round PLUS swim lessons for each every week. These are 3 kids with probably different practice and event schedules. 

OP can of course try to change his wife but he might as well bang his head against concrete for all of the good that'll do. She's been like this the entirety of their marriage. Why would he expect her to be anything than what she's shown herself to be?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Jeff2003 said:


> There have been other issues in our marriage, and this sort of feels like the straw that is breaking the camels back. Our kids are young (oldest started kindergarten this year, middle child is in preschool, youngest day care) so the late thing only became more of an issue recently as our kids have started school and sports. Prior to this she still caused us to be late for everything (church, appointments, etc) but I suppose it was more tolerable then when I didn’t view the lateness as impacting our kids.





Lila said:


> It's not ONE sport per season that's the issue. It's 3 X ONE sport per season. There's 3 kids going at it year round PLUS swim lessons for each every week. These are 3 kids with probably different practice and event schedules.
> 
> OP can of course try to change his wife but he might as well bang his head against concrete for all of the good that'll do. She's been like this the entirety of their marriage. Why would he expect her to be anything than what she's shown herself to be?


Youngest is in day care. Im guessing 2-3 years old if next oldest is preschool 4-5? So at most swimming lessons for them when the other siblings are there. So thats one trip for all the swimming lessons if they were smart and planned it that way.

Sports (at least where I live) are limited for the preschooler. Generally things like micro-soccer and baseball that dont even have practices outside of games. A short 20 min practice before the game ONCE a week. A whole hour. That season is maybe 6 weeks.

Even the kindergartener is going to be limited in practices etc.

I have a daughter in dance and volleyball. Couple dance classes a week and a couple volleyball practices.
My son plays basketball now that I coach with one practice a week and one game a week. Other times of the year he plays soccer with the same schedule.

It's not hard. And Im sure my kids schedules are FAR more involved than a kid in K, preK and a toddler could be. I think people are treating OP like "Crazy sports dad" that has older kids all involved in select sports teams that are never ending every day of the week things.

And she can't change? She can't realize that what she does shows a lack of respect for other people's time and efforts? I dont know if OP will be back and what his entire story is, but from what he told us I didn't get the picture of some family that has over-committed kids running around ragged.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Middle of Everything said:


> Youngest is in day care. Im guessing 2-3 years old if next oldest is preschool 4-5? So at most swimming lessons for them when the other siblings are there. So thats one trip for all the swimming lessons if they were smart and planned it that way.
> 
> Sports (at least where I live) are limited for the preschooler. Generally things like micro-soccer and baseball that dont even have practices outside of games. A short 20 min practice before the game ONCE a week. A whole hour. That season is maybe 6 weeks.
> 
> ...


You're a much better dad than I am a mother. I only have one and trying to pull the multiple sports/activities per season was very difficult for me. I was not enthusiastic about driving all over town to get him to activities especially during weeknights. 

And no, people don't change just because we want them to change regardless how much value we put into that particular issue. They have to want to change. 

I know a woman who complains constantly about her gamer husband. He was a gamer before she married him. She chose to have children with this gamer and now she's complaining that he's not paying attention to the kids. She can't change him. He's gotta want to change and frankly, he doesn't. OP is in the same boat.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Somone asked if your wife works, OP. If she's not working outside of the home, why does she expect you to not only hold down a job, but also take care of all of the kids' sports activities? I think there's more to this story, than just a wife who has a tardiness problem.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Lila said:


> You're a much better dad than I am a mother. I only have one and trying to pull the multiple sports/activities per season was very difficult for me. I was not enthusiastic about driving all over town to get him to activities especially during weeknights.
> 
> And no, people don't change just because we want them to change regardless how much value we put into that particular issue. They have to want to change.
> 
> I know a woman who complains constantly about her gamer husband. He was a gamer before she married him. She chose to have children with this gamer and now she's complaining that he's not paying attention to the kids. She can't change him. He's gotta want to change and frankly, he doesn't. OP is in the same boat.


I don't know about better dad. My wife helps take them to activities plenty too. So we work well in that regard. And we try to find balance in having them active yet still kids and not scheduled to death.

Agree on the want to change. Maybe people just need to leave and go places without a chronic late person. Tell them to meet you there and drive their car or something? I don't know. 

Maybe the same for gamer. Leave him while her and the kids go and do something. And not a fan of withholding sex, but I guess communicate to him that if he has time for her and the family then she can have time for him in the bedroom.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Came to the conclusion several years ago that tardiness is passive aggressive behavior. It is difficult to stop in the best of circumstances. My wife and I are both accountants. It is deeply ingrained in us to be there five minutes before we are due. Why? We both take appointments and when a client is late and digs into other peoples' time it is essentially insulting to us and the people with subsequent appointments. We had to deal with this as a family, as her youngest sibling had intense difficulty being anywhere on time. At best she would be a half hour late. So, this was a permanent part of the landscape for about ten years when the kids grew, and our patience began to wear thin, there was a proposal that we would just carry on as if she was there. We would not hold meals, or theatre tickets or anything for that matter. If she was late, she either started late, or at one particular dinner, we had eaten, had dessert and were lingering over our coffee when she arrived. She was advised that we did not wait dinner on her account. If she wished, she could order, but we were done and were getting ready to leave. This time it effected her deeply, as this was a farewell dinner for a niece that was studying abroad for the next few years. Everyone was peeved, and this time we made our displeasure known. She looked askance at us for ordering and eating without her, and we told her that we would no longer entertain the notion that she was constantly barraged with things that would mess up her schedule. Nobody's life is that messy. So, she sat at a big table all alone, finished her meal alone, and paid. We had all left by that time. It finally fizzed. She has yet to be late again.


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## Sukisue1234 (Jan 17, 2018)

Sounds like you are looking for an excuse to leave,, That's a new one I have never heard. MAYBE SHE NEEDS A LIL HELP IF YOU WORK OUT OF TOWN ALOT.MAYBE A NANNY OR HOUSEKEEPER.INSTEAD OF A DIVORCE.


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