# Getting the ball back in my court?



## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

Ok so as in many relationships things have become a bit off balance in my relationship with things weighing in his favor. I don't like or appreciate game playing, but I would truly like some advice from men (or women who have tried and succeeded with this) about what I can do to balance things out again.

I find that I am giving more, doing more, stressing more, "fixing" more, talking about the future more....in general, I keep moving in and he keeps moving back. I learned about love languages and spoke to him about it but even so, I find myself catering to understanding what he needs based on his "language" a lot more than he is.

We are a fairly young couple, but quite old-fashioned in our relationship although nothing extreme. He is quite the "Alpha" male. I only mention this because any advice that involves me "putting my foot down" or being anything other than a woman in the feminine sense will get no results here. I don't want to get involved in power struggles. I just would like some soft, gentle ways to coax him more onto my side without becoming cold and miserable. Would just like to feel more appreciated and valued.

To the men here....when you find your woman being a bit too "needy" or just moving in towards you too much, what are things that she does/has done/can do that would make you start to pursue her again, not just sexually....but rather seeing value in her again and expressing it the way a man does (no expectation here that he will pat the sofa telling me to sit down so we can talk about our feelings.....not happening nor do I want it to).

Just feeling a bit under-appreciated and over-worked emotionally.

would love to hear your opinions...


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Hmmm...

Have you tried speaking plainly and directly? 

You haven't been plain and direct just now explaining what the problem is. 

We can practice it now!

1- Is he just a bit of an unfeeling b*stard?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Can't say I have much idea what you're talking about from reading your post, totally vague. Can you give us more concrete examples?


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## geewiz (Mar 30, 2014)

If my wife told me she isn't feeling loved or was feeling a bit lonely or unsupported, I would get my zhit together quick. She deserves it. 

At the same time, I like being needed but she does not seem to need me for much and asks very little of me. 

My first thread kind of outlines where we are and it's not all I wish it was and I am sure it's worse for her.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

BackwardFizz said:


> Ok so as in many relationships things have become a bit off balance in my relationship with things weighing in his favor. I don't like or appreciate game playing, but I would truly like some advice from men (or women who have tried and succeeded with this) about what I can do to balance things out again.
> 
> I find that I am giving more, doing more, stressing more, "fixing" more, talking about the future more....in general, I keep moving in and he keeps moving back. I learned about love languages and spoke to him about it but even so, I find myself catering to understanding what he needs based on his "language" a lot more than he is.
> 
> ...


Pursue something that excites you as an individual. Share that excitement with your partner. Invite him to see you in your element. My wife chose to take up powerlifting. She was incredibly sexy at the state championships. Engage your passions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

LOL Sandfly and JohnLee....you are so right...I have not been clear at all. I think I get so nervous sometimes trying to express myself to him in order to get the best results that I end up rambling about what seems like nothing to him....and of course he is just waiting for me to get to the point! Well, I see I have done the same here...thanks for pointing it out!

yes...he basically is being a bit of an unfeeling B-tard Sandfly. I know he has had a lot of trying things on his mind lately but it just seems nothing I say or do is good enough. I keep quiet...he thinks I'm sulking....I try approaching him quietly,softly....he thinks I am being needy...I finally get frustrated and slam a drawer a little bit harder than normal and he thinks I am being disrespectful and leaves for a bit. Today, I was trying to be helpful with a project we were mutually working on .....he told me to leave him alone. I got upset and told him to leave me alone this time. So, as expected, he did and went out. 

He isn't like this 24 hours a day, but its enough to make me feel pretty unloved lately. Although I am not a huge fan of the Love Language test I did discover that my primary language with him is touch and words of affirmation. Sex is not the issue but hugs, kisses and positive reinforcement in whatever way he can give it are lacking right now. I feel like I have been wrung dry lately when it comes to catering to his moods and needs.

As I mentioned in another post, my husband grew up in a very physically and emotionally abusive home...the abuse came from his mother. there was no affection. So I know being "softer" from time to time is not really in my husband's comfort zone. But he tries. I just think that sometimes those unresolved childhood issues play out through him having unrealistic expectations of me in our relationship. It's as if he is trying to get from me what he didn't from his mother....making him very hard to please at times. 

Staying quiet a and "letting him be" obviously works wonders for him but I sometimes feel resentful. How can I be supportive but also let him know what I need without confronting him directly?Or, as you both mentioned....my communication skills are far from top of the line! lol.....how can I improve. What is it that men respond to most? 

Did I do any better with this post or are your heads still spinning> Brutal honesty is appreciated! 

Thanks so much for your responses!


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

Jung_Admirer funny you say that because just recently he told me that it seems as if I don't do anything unless he initiates it first. For example....if he doesn't go to the gym (which we do together), I just won't go at all. he also mentioned that when we met, I was into yoga, yet he has never seen me take a class or do it at home since then. This is very true and one of the reasons I tend to find relationships very draining at times....because I sacrifice myself for the needs of the man I am with. I don't want to be anyone's doormat, but I also don't want to overly independent where he feels I don't need him. what I seem to do is only do these things for myself when I get angry and frustrated (ex will grab my bag and head to the gym) so it comes off aggressive and annoys him. But if I take your approach and just do it to take care of myself...maybe that will be helpful. I will take your advice and start doing yoga again first thing in the morning again. Thank you!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Backward,
- What do you excel at? 
- What do you want to excel at? 
- What are your top priorities in life?

As for him, do you want more of his:
- Time
- Focus (when you are together)
- Effort/consideration
- Commitment (getting engaged/married)





BackwardFizz said:


> Ok so as in many relationships things have become a bit off balance in my relationship with things weighing in his favor. I don't like or appreciate game playing, but I would truly like some advice from men (or women who have tried and succeeded with this) about what I can do to balance things out again.
> 
> I find that I am giving more, doing more, stressing more, "fixing" more, talking about the future more....in general, I keep moving in and he keeps moving back. I learned about love languages and spoke to him about it but even so, I find myself catering to understanding what he needs based on his "language" a lot more than he is.
> 
> ...


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

I remember hearing various relationship advice tid-bits about going back to how you were (your behavior, demeanor etc) at the beginning of your relationship if you want things to be that way now. 

When I first met my husband I was a lot more reserved. I take a good while to warm up and trust and I guess because I was like that, he was the opposite (more expressive and affectionate - for him anyways). Once I started to feel more comfortable the roles reversed and while it isn't always one extreme or another, I find I spend more time being the "pursuer" which he doesn't like and doesn't feel comfortable for me. Its all easier said then done for me in the moments when I just want a hug or a kiss or just some words of encouragement. I know nobody likes a "neediness" and I really try hard not to be but when the time frame for the pendulum to swing back my way takes too long I get a bit desperate.


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

MEM11363...hmmmmm had to think a while about that!

I think I am a pretty decent writer (when I don't have to get to the point...lol) I wouldn't mind channeling it into writing online/blogging. Our financial situation right now doesn't allow me much time for hobbies which I know has been weighing on both of us. You know I don't truly know what I excel at....sad I know...I think I have become a chameleon for those I love in my life. 

I do love exercising and have an abundance of energy. My husband and I share this passion and he used to train me when we had more free time. 

I excel at giving??????
I am determined and tenacious.

I would like to become more physically fit. I would like to start a business of some sort that would not require me to work 9-5. 

My priority has been my relationship and being the best wife I can be to my husband. I know it sounds pathetic, but having "daddy issues" myself it seems like I have this burning desire to be the "apple" of my husband's eye. I literally try to be perfect for him as sad as that may sound.

My priority right now is also to get more stable financially. I can't see too far ahead right now until that happens. I know it weighs on him too. (oops but this is about me not him right?  )


As for him I would like all that you mentioned! 

Well, time not so much because we do spend a lot of time together, but it has become more "business oriented"....I understand that this is extra hard for him (financial situation) and he doesn't seem to think that "fun" is a priority now and quite frankly we can't afford it! but I try to tell him things need to be balanced to which his response is that things cannot be balanced without enough financial resources. he often says....once the money is here, there will be time for all that. At the same time sometimes he says things that make me feel like I am not doing enough to help improve our situation. And I am feeling like I can't possibly give more as far as support and pretty much doing everything he asks of me. 

- Focus (when you are together) - I would like things a bit more "my way" when it comes to this. More softness in general. random hugs and kisses. But I know this is hard for him as he never grew up that way. I find he opens up and talks, listens a lot more when we are discussing things we are mutually interested in. But not so much when, for example, I am talking about issues I am having with my parents...that kind of thing. 

- Effort/consideration - I think this is the big one for me. I wish he would put more effort into our relationship. It may not be comfortable for him but it means a lot to me just to hear him talk about our future, tell me I did something well rather than criticize. We often make jokes about this but its not always easy...sometimes I feel like I am in the Matrix in slow-mo dodging all the bullets that come at me....bite my tongue a lot! he has the softer side in him...he will show it with our dog or cat but lately not with me! I would like to see him do more things for me that he wouldn't do for anyone else. That would make me feel special. So yes I wish I could improve on this for sure!

- Commitment- we are living "common-law"...married in my eyes and I am not really big on big weddings,diamond rings and all that. I don't need it. But I would like to hear him talk more about our future. He is blind sighted by our financial issues right now but sometimes he is so much in "business" mode that I have to ask him if we are married or just business partners.

I am still thinking more about the "excelling" part....made me aware that I rarely think about me!


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

Geewiz I guess that's what hurts me so much...I often think..."doesn't he feel I deserve it"? I don't need to be put on a pedestal and I don't generally give to get something back but when the criticism starts flying it gets hard not to keep tabs. I have gone way above the call of duty in terms of giving. In the beginning he had completely irrational requests for "proof' of my love and dedication to him and I didn't hesitate for any of them. But as I mentioned in another response, its as if he makes his expectations completely unattainable...or just when I "score" he changes the rules of the game. when things are good he is aware of this and I recognize his efforts to change but for example now, with the financial stress all that seems to be forgotten.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Backward,
You are a decent writer. FWIW: my wife's goals were to be:
- A great mom (she is)
- A great wife (she is)
- Go back to being a great nurse (once our youngest was old enough to drive - she is)

M2,
Ran the house smoothly, and managed the mechanics of life. Was very happy to live well within our means. Injected a lot of positive emotional and sexual energy into me and in doing so had a huge, positive impact on my career. 

A few quick questions for context, and then I will make some observations. 
- Do you have kids? 
- Do you and he want kids?
- How long have you been together?
- If you don't yet have kids, and both work full time than why is money so tight? Not being critical, just asking? 
- Does he have a specific plan with a schedule to get to a healthy place financially?
- How hard is he working? 
- How well do you understand his job?






BackwardFizz said:


> MEM11363...hmmmmm had to think a while about that!
> 
> I think I am a pretty decent writer (when I don't have to get to the point...lol) I wouldn't mind channeling it into writing online/blogging. Our financial situation right now doesn't allow me much time for hobbies which I know has been weighing on both of us. You know I don't truly know what I excel at....sad I know...I think I have become a chameleon for those I love in my life.
> 
> ...


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

Thank you MEM11363. 

In response to your questions.


- Do you have kids?
Not yet

- Do you and he want kids?

yes but he won't even think about it until things are better financially. It affected him not to have anything materialistically as a child. Part of his abuse was that his sisters were all given to, but he was not (he reminded mother of the father and was only boy in family of 4 sisters). He had a lot of big dreams and wanted to do so many things as a child but was always told there was no money. Truth is there was none for him. He wants to be able to provide well for his children so this topic rarely comes up right now.

- How long have you been together?

We met as teenagers. Puppy love...nothing more than a kiss but found each other online 5 years ago over 20 years later and have been together ever since.

- If you don't yet have kids, and both work full time than why is money so tight? Not being critical, just asking?

He invested a lot of money into a business idea that we were both began working together on. My position was cut due to lack of funding so it worked out that while I was searching for another job I put a lot of work into the project with him. It was in his field he simply wanted to try to do what he does on his own without all the ridiculous hours that were taking a toll on him. I still work part time as full time positions are hard to come by in my field and that is where all my experience lies. Its only now that he is in a sense realizing that he may have to throw in the towel so to speak, at least temporarily. I know this hurts him a lot and he feels like a failure. I have been supportive through it all.

- Does he have a specific plan with a schedule to get to a healthy place financially?

This is what he is working on now. Realistically he should have given up a while ago although I never let him know that. I believed in him and I still do. But is having a hard time letting it go. again it may be hard for most to understand but his childhood plays a huge part in this. he was constantly told he was nothing and was not good enough by his mother. He went to school with no lunch while his sisters all had theirs laid out and prepared for them....his mother would actually invent new things to beat him with....I don't believe in using that as a crutch but I always knew about his past and wanted to be as supportive as possible. This really hurts him on a deep level and I understand. But it hurts to do everything humanly possible (or more) to show someone you love them and are there for them in the best and worst of times only to have them push you away. I know I am not the best communicator but I try so hard! When he criticizes me so much I feel like a failure as a wife. 

Sorry to go off a bit here...but when we first got together again 5 years ago, he mentioned how he always wanted a woman that put him above anything else. I thought..great! Here I am a woman with "daddy issues" who wants nothing more to do just that. Many would have bailed long ago but our "defects" seemed to be a perfect match if that makes any sense at all! I had this never ending desire to "prove" I was worthy and he an almost insatiable need to be proven that he was loved. As I mentioned here and in other threads, whatever he threw at me, I took...in my eyes he would love me forever after all that. But instead it just seems like another peak appears as soon as I hit what I think is the mountain top. 

- How hard is he working? 

he has put a lot of time and energy into this..prior to this he was always the hardest working employee anyone ever had and many acknowledged this. He puts his heart and soul into what he does but was tired of just getting by despite working long hours and really wanted to do his own thing. But unexpected costs just have taken their toll. 

- How well do you understand his job?

I don't think anyone can possibly understand this man and what he does better than me. I think I have earned a few degrees.


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

Sorry as if I haven't written enough already...just wanted to add that I feel the consistent undertone of resentment when it comes to work/our financial situation. I know this is not supposed to be directed at me but at his mother or just dealt with on another level. Today, he noticed I was playing a computer game and he started with little snide remarks like "farmville is really going to make big changes in your life".....of course I never say the same to him when he takes a "breather" to watch sports...but anyway. lately I have been getting frustrated and telling him that he wants me as a woman to be a woman more in the old-fashioned sense (which is fine by me)...play/take on certain roles, yet at the same time seems to have an issue with what he seems to think is me not doing enough when it comes to bringing in the money. Well, if I am doing all my "womanly duties" shouldn't he be doing his by being the one to bring home the bacon? I don't truly believe this....I think you should be there for each other in any way needed and if for any reason he was unable to work I wouldn't think twice about doing whatever needed to be done to take care of us financially....BUT when he starts nit-picking I can't help but bring these things up. And I am tired......I am happy being a home-body but our routine has been the same for so long. If I want to play farmville to numb my brain for a while it shouldn't be a problem! I am a woman and love being one and for me personally, being focused and worried about finances and having to keep my mind in "business mode" just doesn't feel natural. I feel like my feminine side is starving. I just feel exhausted from being in one zone all the time, until I get to the point where I have to beg and plead to get what I want, which he doesn't like and makes me feel very un-womanly. 

Not surprisingly when we did the love languages test (had to get him when he was off guard and promise there were no "trick" questions - basically anything I would later use against him..lol) his highest results were gift giving and acts of service. He loves being given to....is not a big material giver himself but acts of service are his thing when showing love too. However, why is it my many "acts of service" and gift giving over the years do not yet have me on a pedestal if that is what is so important to him. And if touch is not high on his list (was highest on mine as well as words of affirmation) then why is it if I stop showing affection he gets anxious and thinks something is wrong? Anyway, maybe I missed something about the test but at least it helped me understand why, when I ask him for some love he often points to a hot meal he has prepared for me and says "there it is"......sigh.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Backward,
Very tough situation. 

When you talk about the future it primarily reminds him of your mutually tenuous financial situation. It clouds everything in his head. 

The hardest thing in the world is to have a traditional role model where either person is unable to fulfill the role they believe they should fill. 


QUOTE=BackwardFizz;7929178]Thank you MEM11363. 

In response to your questions.


- Do you have kids?
Not yet

- Do you and he want kids?

yes but he won't even think about it until things are better financially. It affected him not to have anything materialistically as a child. Part of his abuse was that his sisters were all given to, but he was not (he reminded mother of the father and was only boy in family of 4 sisters). He had a lot of big dreams and wanted to do so many things as a child but was always told there was no money. Truth is there was none for him. He wants to be able to provide well for his children so this topic rarely comes up right now.

- How long have you been together?

We met as teenagers. Puppy love...nothing more than a kiss but found each other online 5 years ago over 20 years later and have been together ever since.

- If you don't yet have kids, and both work full time than why is money so tight? Not being critical, just asking?

He invested a lot of money into a business idea that we were both began working together on. My position was cut due to lack of funding so it worked out that while I was searching for another job I put a lot of work into the project with him. It was in his field he simply wanted to try to do what he does on his own without all the ridiculous hours that were taking a toll on him. I still work part time as full time positions are hard to come by in my field and that is where all my experience lies. Its only now that he is in a sense realizing that he may have to throw in the towel so to speak, at least temporarily. I know this hurts him a lot and he feels like a failure. I have been supportive through it all.

- Does he have a specific plan with a schedule to get to a healthy place financially?

This is what he is working on now. Realistically he should have given up a while ago although I never let him know that. I believed in him and I still do. But is having a hard time letting it go. again it may be hard for most to understand but his childhood plays a huge part in this. he was constantly told he was nothing and was not good enough by his mother. He went to school with no lunch while his sisters all had theirs laid out and prepared for them....his mother would actually invent new things to beat him with....I don't believe in using that as a crutch but I always knew about his past and wanted to be as supportive as possible. This really hurts him on a deep level and I understand. But it hurts to do everything humanly possible (or more) to show someone you love them and are there for them in the best and worst of times only to have them push you away. I know I am not the best communicator but I try so hard! When he criticizes me so much I feel like a failure as a wife. 

Sorry to go off a bit here...but when we first got together again 5 years ago, he mentioned how he always wanted a woman that put him above anything else. I thought..great! Here I am a woman with "daddy issues" who wants nothing more to do just that. Many would have bailed long ago but our "defects" seemed to be a perfect match if that makes any sense at all! I had this never ending desire to "prove" I was worthy and he an almost insatiable need to be proven that he was loved. As I mentioned here and in other threads, whatever he threw at me, I took...in my eyes he would love me forever after all that. But instead it just seems like another peak appears as soon as I hit what I think is the mountain top. 

- How hard is he working? 

he has put a lot of time and energy into this..prior to this he was always the hardest working employee anyone ever had and many acknowledged this. He puts his heart and soul into what he does but was tired of just getting by despite working long hours and really wanted to do his own thing. But unexpected costs just have taken their toll. 

- How well do you understand his job?

I don't think anyone can possibly understand this man and what he does better than me. I think I have earned a few degrees. [/QUOTE]


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

MEM...thank you and agreed. I truly want to be more of a support to him, but my own stress sometimes prevents me from doing this well. he is most content when I am not getting in his way and letting him approach me....most would say so just do that! I will try my best but I just need to feel some stability underneath my feet somewhere....sometimes I just need that hug at that specific moment and I will be fine....but lately he just isn't into that. Whenever I can I find things to be positive about,.....something he said or did and make sure to tell him how great it made me feel. Just sometimes wish he could do the same but tit-for-tat doesn't get people very far.

I would like to write him a letter but would like to do so in a way that won't shut him down further. I want it all to be positive. MEM do you have any ideas that may help? If you were in his shoes, what would you want to hear? 

Yesterday when I got frustrated and told him to leave me alone (have never said that to him before) he left and went to his sister's (she let me know) and hasn't been back since. He tends to do that when he feels overwhelmed. I just don't like when I am the one that caused it. I didn't mean to be hurtful....was just tired of him saying it to me and it just slipped. I really would like to write something that he will feel good reading....I just have a bad habit of rambling when I am feeling emotional and losing him. Just need some help with maybe some key points to focus on? Just don't know what else i can do to try to create some positive out of this......


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Backward,
Are the two of you in your mid to late thirties? 

Here's why I ask. If he knows that you really want kids - that is a huge emotional challenge for him, because he hasn't figured out how to support a family yet. That is not a cruel or judgemental comment, just a fact. He sounds like a good, hardworking man.

So when you talk about the future, what he hears is: Dude, you need to figure out how to make some money so we can have kids. 

That's why I asked ages. Earlier you mentioned meeting as teens, and reconnecting 20 years later. That makes me think you are not far from reaching the end of your procreative runway. And that causes some women to talk a lot about having a baby, or another baby. Normal stuff. It simply shines a bright spotlight on the most painful part of his life right now. 

If you are ok not having children, make that choice and stick to it. If you are determined to have kids, then it's time for you to focus 100% on maximizing your financial contribution to the relationship. 
That might mean taking a job primarily based on the compensation, as opposed to other factors. 

And maybe he should commit to a timeline and a defined measure of success for deciding whether to continue his venture or go to work for someone else. 




BackwardFizz said:


> MEM...thank you and agreed. I truly want to be more of a support to him, but my own stress sometimes prevents me from doing this well. he is most content when I am not getting in his way and letting him approach me....most would say so just do that! I will try my best but I just need to feel some stability underneath my feet somewhere....sometimes I just need that hug at that specific moment and I will be fine....but lately he just isn't into that. Whenever I can I find things to be positive about,.....something he said or did and make sure to tell him how great it made me feel. Just sometimes wish he could do the same but tit-for-tat doesn't get people very far.
> 
> I would like to write him a letter but would like to do so in a way that won't shut him down further. I want it all to be positive. MEM do you have any ideas that may help? If you were in his shoes, what would you want to hear?
> 
> Yesterday when I got frustrated and told him to leave me alone (have never said that to him before) he left and went to his sister's (she let me know) and hasn't been back since. He tends to do that when he feels overwhelmed. I just don't like when I am the one that caused it. I didn't mean to be hurtful....was just tired of him saying it to me and it just slipped. I really would like to write something that he will feel good reading....I just have a bad habit of rambling when I am feeling emotional and losing him. Just need some help with maybe some key points to focus on? Just don't know what else i can do to try to create some positive out of this......


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

Hi MEM,

yes you got our age range right.  I used to speak about having children more but once he let me know that he felt there was no use speaking about it because we were not financially able to (and how important that was for him), I let it go. I never really harped on it too much although I do think about it often. 

However I think there are other ways that things I say that have nothing to do with children weigh on him the same way. When I mention that the closet thing to a date we have had was when we went to go get ink for the printer.....or I tell him how much I would like to buy new lingerie (he always wants me to wear nice panties and sexy lingerie when I am home, even if we are working...I don't mind at all!).....even though my intentions are not bad, it just seems to be one thing or another that comes up where the response would be that he isn't able to. (provide). He takes care of me in many other ways in his own special way.....and I appreciate it all so much. I think he is also in a bit of a catch 22 because while he believes in more traditional roles of man and wife, he also harbors deep resentment towards his mother who never provided for him. Even though I did exactly what he asked by staying home to help out, once things didn't go as planned I think he felt maybe I wasn't doing enough and the burden was all on him. I have no fear of hard work....I just did what he asked and thought I was being supportive. He always said that if I work too many outside hours then there would be no time to dedicate to the business. Anyway, rambling again....

Aside from starting to look for FT work to help improve our financial situation....do you have any advice on what I can do to keep him as peaceful as possible? I know it sounds like a stupid question but I just don't want to take a bad situation and make it worse. should I just put my needs on the back burner and cater more to his until things improve. Meaning, less getting into his space, asking for hugs or kisses....just following his lead?

Really appreciate all your help!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Backward,
It is difficult to avoid mentioning small wants that require money. 

Sounds like getting a full time job and setting aside a small amount of your take home pay might be a good thing. 

Do you have a best friend - other than your H? Or a family member you a tight with? Somebody who cares about you and has a good amount of common sense? 




BackwardFizz said:


> Hi MEM,
> 
> yes you got our age range right.  I used to speak about having children more but once he let me know that he felt there was no use speaking about it because we were not financially able to (and how important that was for him), I let it go. I never really harped on it too much although I do think about it often.
> 
> ...


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

You know I actually don't have anyone I can really talk to....part of the reason I write so much here. I just don't have an outlet. The "friends" I have are on very different levels when it comes to relationships....they would simply tell me to leave and find a rich man...or something along those lines. I do have family who love and care for me but they have so many issues to deal with of their own, I don't want to burden them with more. I know those channels would be very helpful....I just end up writing to get it all out....would just write pages and pages before I found this forum. I so appreciate the time you have taken to respond. So nice to have a sounding board instead of sending words into the abyss.


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

So my husband was in grumpy form again this evening....tried to talk to him but any talk about our relationship just seems to annoy him. He said his priority was "making money" right now, and the things I am asking him for do not fit in that category. I said I understood that get back on track financially needs to be "the" priority but I just need some "us" time sometimes like we used to. he said once the main priority no longer needs to be the main priority, everything else will fall into place. Not sure what to think....I see his point but....*sigh*


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