# I don't think I can afford to BE divorced.



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

We've been married for about 8 years. We have one child almost in kindergarten. Wife doesn't drive, only works part time. I work full time plus a part time job.

Can anyone give me any sort of general information on what it might cost me to:
1. Get a divorce.
2. Child support costs.

Obviously I'd want to still be around my daughter, and see her as much as possible.

My current job pays for **** and I do need to find a better one, but the thought of finding my own place with enough room for daughter to spend time with me, and paying support just seems impossible.

Or, just let me know if my assumptions are outdated.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*What state do you reside in?*


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Ohio


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

toblerone said:


> We've been married for about 8 years. We have one child almost in kindergarten. Wife doesn't drive, only works part time. I work full time plus a part time job.
> 
> Can anyone give me any sort of general information on what it might cost me to:
> 1. Get a divorce.
> ...


Divorce costs will vary. Depends on the specific circumstances of the case. 

I did my own divorce because my exH and I agreed on custody and didn't really have any assets other than personal possessions and used cars in our own names. We'd only been married 6 years, so alimony wasn't an issue and we calculated child support using the state website's calculator. It took 3 months from filing to final decree and cost a little under $300 including parking fees.

If you and your STBXW don't agree or have assets to split you might want to try a mediator and, if that fails, hiring lawyers.

Child support costs will also vary depending on state guidelines, your income, her income, and necessary expenses like health insurance. You can get a general idea using your state's child support calculator.

Custody also varies, but 50/50 is more and more common. Try working out a system with your wife that works for everyone. Some people do a week w mom and a week w dad. Others do a month with mom, seeing dad on the weekends, and then a month with dad seeing mom on the weekends. A lot of people here do every weekend and one evening a week w dad. Holidays also vary as does how school vacations are handled.

If you're worried about expenses after the divorce, consider moving. Take a look at rent and purchase costs in surrounding areas. Here, I can move about 10-15 miles away and be in a decent neighborhood that's less expensive and has easy freeway access. An extra 20 minutes commute saves around $400-$600 in monthly rent.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it!!

Ha... get used to that joke. But it's the truth. If it wasn't for kids, divorce would be so simple. Damn kids! Time flies though. Amazing how quick the months go by. Don't waste your one and only life because of a few bucks. You could probably use your current lower income to benefit you. You'll pay less child support. Hopefully no alimony. But the longer you are married, the more it will cost you. You might be responsible for 50% of the marriage length, so 4 years of alimony in your case. Some states award lifetime alimony if marriage is a certain length. Colorado is 15 years, so pull the plug before year 15 if you have doubts! Some guys get totally screwed! I've heard of wives leaving after the 15 year mark for another guy and get lifetime alimony from the BS. Nothing they can do.

Seeing the automatic child support payments from my account every two weeks freakn' hurts. On top of that, I have to pay 60% of all the kid expenses (daycare, school supplies, medical, etc). I'm close to a $1,000 a month. But sure beats living with someone you hate and getting laid every night to someone that actually wants you. Life just kinda sucks in general, so try to make the most out of it and get your **** wet often. What else is the point of dealing with the B.S. we put up with? That's how I look at the world now.

To those that are young... never have kids and never get married.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Your wife will have to get a full time job, so make sure that is used in the child support calculation. If you both make about the same amount of money and do a 50-50 split with custody, then neither of you should be paying child support. If she makes more than you, then she could end up owing you child support. 

My divorce cost a little under $2500, but I used a lawyer because I wanted to get everything done right. My ex-wife and I agreed on everything together and just had the lawyer write it up. We could have done it ourselves without a lawyer, but I was getting such a good deal from her that I didn't want to risk any screw ups where she could take me back to court.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why do you want a divorce?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Why do you want a divorce?


I'd guess wife got fat after kids and let herself go, she is a miserable to be around, and sex has been gone for a long time and an't coming back. That seems to be the status of 75% of the marriages out there. I feel bad for so many guys out there. Not saying some guys let themselves go too. Everyone is replaceable.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Why do you want a divorce?



To spare you all of my snark and sarcastic wit!

But for me to put it all into words would be tough and because I'd keep trying to make sure that the intent is understood.

I mean, if I were me, reading what I post about my wife and the advice I've given: I'd probably tell myself to think about divorce too.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

If you don't have much money, one thing that may work in the sort term is sharing the main house. Like you're there 1 week, she's there the next week, etc. Your kid always stays in that house and doesn't have to move between houses. That way the other place doesn't have to be nice. It can be a crappy 1 bedroom since only either you or your wife will be there. 

Many lawyers have a free initial consultation. You may want to setup an appointment and get very relevant answers to your questions.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do a lot of reading about divorce, alimony and child support in your state.

Here's just one link.

Does a Spouse Receive Alimony When Divorced in Ohio? | LegalZoom Legal Info

after you do a lot of reading, talk to a 2 or 3 attorneys who give a free half hour consultation.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I'll have to start reading up on that, then.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Your state court website will provide information on how child support is calculated. Certainly there will be many other websites for lawyers etc in your state which will provide information on child support and other costs.

You can DIY a divorce if you are both in full agreement. The state will have forms you can fill out online and then (likely) print out to take to file them. There will be a filing fee and possibly another court fee. This info will be easy for you to find out.

The best time to get divorced is when you're broke! You have nothing to lose. Seriously.

Unless your stbxw has a debilitating condition, she will be expected to work. I don't believe alimony should be an issue for you. But, you should consult with an atty just to get real information from a lawyer familiar with your state laws and local judges. Most atty's will give a free 30 minute consult, which is how they entice new clients. The lawyer will answer your basic questions about how things usually go for someone in your position.

Since you have a young child, there are many years ahead which need to be properly accounted for legally. Does your child support go up/down as your or her financial situation changes? What about college costs for the child? Who provides health care costs? What if circumstances change and a change in custody is desired by one of you? What if she gets remarried? What if you do? What about you each having life insurance, and who pays for it? All of these kinds of things (and many more) are the details a lawyer should advise you on and make sure get settled in the divorce properly. The last thing you want is for a poorly done divorce agreement to come back and bite you repeatedly in the future! DIY runs the risk of such future problems. At the least, you can hire a lawyer to advise you and review paperwork. This might cost you a couple of hours of legal fees, but much less than having the lawyer do all the paperwork and arguing.

There are probably some cheap or even free legal aid clinics if you are low income and can't afford any lawyer at all.

Ideally you would get your stbxw to agree on everything either by simply talking it out or using a mediator rather than each hiring a lawyer and then having lawyers argue stuff. Still, it would be smart for you to at least consult with a lawyer.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Slartibartfast said:


> you will be expected to pay it, and failure to pay it criminal. Judges regularly jail non-payers. I know that seems futile, but there's nothing else to do with willful non-payers. And "I have no job" doesn't count for much.


A woman can't get a job and pay for her kids she gets WIC, free cell phones, free college, free medical, welfare stipend, and subsidized rent. A man can't support and pay for his kids it's "man up loser" and slap him in jail.

Ahhhhhh that sweet smell of equality and male privilege.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'd consult an attorney.

Eventually your wife will have to learn to drive, and get a full time job, as single adults do. Like, become a fully functioning adult supporting herself.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Livvie said:


> I'd consult an attorney.
> 
> Eventually your wife will have to learn to drive, and get a full time job, as single adults do. Like, become a fully functioning adult supporting herself.


Weeelll...my ex wife of five years, excellent physical health, SAHM for the past 22 years, with the youngest now a sophomore in high school...she lived solely on child support, alimony, and public aid until she got remarried last year. She still does not have a job.


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