# What keeps ladies stimulated all day?



## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Hi Ladies, I'm looking for an insight please into what sort of acts, sights, reading materials, etc. keep a wife interested enough all day that when she gets the chance to see her man she wants to 'jump' him. It might not even lead to sex but just kisses, cuddles and a promise of more. Is it flowers, messages, a bet, a dare, a present? What does it?


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

My husband and I were having this conversation this morning via chat! He works overseas for one month at a time, so while he is in a whole other country, we spend a lot of time on the phone, email and recently, live chatting. It used to be just talking about how our day went, bills, mundane stuff. Over the last six months, we have started talking a lot more about our feelings, emotions, sex, etc.

Well, this morning, I admitted to him that I was quite revved up yesterday, enough to have two solo go's at it. He wanted to know what had me so worked up. 

I explained to him that the emotional connection that we have been creating and rebuilding makes me more prone to being in the mood. We have been talking openly about sex so much that at this point, I have a hair trigger!

It's the fact that he is sharing the things that make him happy, the things that turn him on...it gives me a sense of confidence to know these things, because I can be sure that when we see each other, I can enact all the things that drive him crazy. That is a huge aphrodisiac for me.

I can tell you a few other small things he has done in the past that had me going so hard that I was ready to jump him the minute he got home!

--Once he sent me an explicit email describing how he would love to see me dressed when he got home. He told me to go shopping for specific lingerie. I was incredibly turned on the entire time I was out looking for what he requested. Again, the knowledge that he was thinking of me , desiring to see me in it, and knowing that he would be turned on when he saw me in it...that was the biggest part.

--Similar situation, he sent me sex toy shopping once. Describing the kind of vibrator/dildo he wanted to be able to use on me when he got home. Shopping for that was an incredible turn on. 

--Anytime he takes the time to send me a sexy email, that's a big deal to me. But that is also because this is new for him. It has taken years for him to be comfortable enough to do this. We have been married for 17 years.

--I would love it if he were comfortable reading some of my erotic stories out loud to me, but I know that would be way out of his comfort zone to say those kinds of things out loud. I think I would like it so much just because it's not something he would normally do.

Hope that helps some. Way to go for thinking of it this way and being proactive. It helps!


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

lonesomegra said:


> Hi Ladies, I'm looking for an insight please into what sort of acts, sights, reading materials, etc. keep a wife interested enough all day that when she gets the chance to see her man she wants to 'jump' him. It might not even lead to sex but just kisses, cuddles and a promise of more. Is it flowers, messages, a bet, a dare, a present? What does it?


I don't think that's possible with mine.... Doesn't matter what I do, a few minutes later it's out of her mind.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think it will depend on the lady's preferences, her personality, and for me, it depends on the time of month. Some times I am more raring to go and receptive and others ... not as much.

I like when we have contact during the day ... doesn't even need to be sexually explicity, it can be mushy stuff. I like when he shares his thoughts and feelings and what is going on in his head. Those are things that are tougher for him to do, so I appreciate them all the more when he does them.

We are both pretty adept at reading the calendar and seeing where the best weeks are for us ... on those weeks, it can be very easy with just a sweetly naughty text and some time cleared where we can be together alone ...

I like the flirting and touching (usually non-sexual) and bantering back and forth that we do. He does too. As I start to run the slope down to 'that time of the month' I tend to get more sarcastic and he seems to see that as a personal challenge.

I would suggest observing your wife, her cycles, her moods. You might be surprised at what you can learn about her by doing so and what may work at certain points and won't at others. 

I hope everything has been going okay for you, lonesome. Haven't heard from you for awhile.

Oh, and I can't forget to mention about the 5 love languages. Do you know your wife's? If you do, then you can play into that. My top two are "words of affirmation" and "quality time", so him taking the time to really talk with me and connect with me outside the bedroom is what usually gets my top spinning for when we are in it. 

Best wishes.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I am words of affirmation and touch, so what my husband does is tell me that I am beautiful, that he is happy that he married me, that it is OK that my hair is not perfect today. He always takes my side if I have a problem with a co-worker or neighbor. 

For the touch part, he playfully slaps my behind when I am loading the dishwasher, he touches my arm when we pass in the house, he kisses me when he leaves for work and comes home. These actions get my motor running when it is time for sex. I feel loved and connected to him, and I do my best to make sure he too is satisfied in bed!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*Hi Ladies, I'm looking for an insight please into what sort of acts, sights, reading materials, etc. keep a wife interested enough all day that when she gets the chance to see her man she wants to 'jump' him. It might not even lead to sex but just kisses, cuddles and a promise of more. Is it flowers, messages, a bet, a dare, a present? What does it?*

It's not any one thing. And it has to be specific to her! 

Some women don't like to be "pawed" at.... I love it, and see it as foreplay! We do touch alot... in passing, in little kisses, in cuddling, etc... when I walk past his chair, he reaches out to touch me (whether home in front of the t.v., out to dinner, out with friends, etc...). 

My H lets me know that he cares...inside and outside the bedroom. We talk alot, we hang out together, we help each other at the drop of a hat, we are actually THERE for each other....and it pays off! 

We flirt all the time...verbally, thru emails and texts, or sometimes thru IM while we are in the same room but kids are around. We seem to have alot of sexy talk... which keeps us both in the mood.

We stay in the mood...every few weeks we decide to just go to bed and go to sleep for a change....


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Thanks for all your replies. I am trying to change the way I look at things in my marriage. In MC I have been told that I have a fear of rejection as I have faced a huge amount of rejection in my life. So far this year I have not initiated sex with my W. I would like to build some form of rapport or anticipation before doing so. 
I am very poor at monitoring my W's periods and I'm not aware of how long they last. I generally assume a week and one day either side. As some have pointed out touch and banter seem to work but I get days when W acts very cold towards me and would rather prefer TV over my company.
I also have to be careful not to suggest things that she might do as my W backs away and hides inside herself when I do this. I am waiting to see if my doctor will recommend me to a psychiatrist to guide me through some of my deeper issues like this one.
My wife does like a challenge but it must be a relatively vanilla style one. Is there any way to make a challenge that lets her feel good about herself and makes her want me?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lonesomegra said:


> Hi Ladies, I'm looking for an insight please into what sort of acts, sights, reading materials, etc. keep a wife interested enough all day that when she gets the chance to see her man she wants to 'jump' him. It might not even lead to sex but just kisses, cuddles and a promise of more. Is it flowers, messages, a bet, a dare, a present? What does it?


I think this answer depends on a woman's  Love Languages, her sex drive & how she "feels" about her partner........ I've never been one to care about gifts or presents .....I am a physical touching - wanna "suck your time & get as close as possible with my man" type woman....

His smiling face walking through that door every day, feeling his desire to reach for me- whereever I am... standing in front of the sink, sitting at the computer..... I know to expect his loving touch.... he will come up behind me, push my hair aside , kiss my neck, sometimes reaching around to touch my front , pushing himself up against me , oh my ... there is nothing on this earth I want more than these things!  

This floods me with pure amorous JOY ...I feel completely loved, which sets me on HIGH... these moments carry me throughout my days, it doesn't matter what mundane chores I am doing (plenty).... he is always in the back of my mind and the FUN we'll be having when he walks through that door ....... it's always a Tonight's The Night  scenerio dancing in my head.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> My husband and I were having this conversation this morning via chat! He works overseas for one month at a time, so while he is in a whole other country, we spend a lot of time on the phone, email and recently, live chatting. It used to be just talking about how our day went, bills, mundane stuff. Over the last six months, we have started talking a lot more about our feelings, emotions, sex, etc.
> 
> Well, this morning, I admitted to him that I was quite revved up yesterday, enough to have two solo go's at it. He wanted to know what had me so worked up.
> 
> ...


Good stuff. What would you say opened this portals to this type of free communication?


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

Blue Moon said:


> Good stuff. What would you say opened this portals to this type of free communication?


It's a double edged sword... This kind of communication is something that I have long begged for, opened doors for, and tried all manner of ways to encourage. 

After years of getting shut down...I kinda checked out. I found other interests, hobbies and volunteer work. My husband started to feel neglected, we would fight about it...I would say the same old thing, nothing would change on either party's side. Eventually, he checked out too. 

Six months ago, I discovered the start of an emotional affair. It consisted of a few short emails and then plans to meet in person during one of his travel stopovers for a day. That evening ended with a kiss. Thankfully I had enough instincts to know something was up when it happened, and discovered it quickly. He admitted that he would have made opportunities for it to turn in to even more if I had not found it.

However, we decided that we both wanted to make this work, so here we are. It's up and down, and can be hard. I hate that it came to this for us to both see how important communication and openness is though.

I hope the OP and anyone working through communication walls can get it figured out, without it having to slam into you like a goose hitting a 747 mid-flight!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*My wife does like a challenge but it must be a relatively vanilla style one. Is there any way to make a challenge that lets her feel good about herself and makes her want me?
*

I can't quite figure out what this means. 

You want to challenge her, and make her feel good about herself and that will help her to want you???? Is that it?

And...it has to be sure-fire, because you are deathly afraid of rejection?

Soooooooooooo..... what about something like this? (I have no idea if this is remotely like what you are looking for tho!)

Plan a fancy "date".... so that she has to get all dolled up (and feel good about herself), and feel special and have fun.... whether its dinner or dancing or whatever y'all do when you get dressed up. You do the planning, invite her without telling her any details except to dress up. 

Either that....or a sexy date... like a trip to the XXX store followed by matching ass tattoos! (Which also might be fun to get dressed up for!)

Or skinny dipping somewhere really private.... 

I think I'm having a hard time with a "vanilla challenge".


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Like a goose hitting a 747 mid-flight! lol! Great turn of phrase! That goose was really cooked!

I suppose to be honest I should add one detail that I think really is a turn-off for my W. I suffer bouts of illness that cause me to sleep a lot during some days. In some ways I think sleep=lazy in her eyes. And therefore lazy=not sexy. 

Its the - I love you but _I'm tired._
I love you but _I'm afraid to hurt you._
I love you but _I have to get up in the morning_
I love you but _I'm afraid you'll get frustrated._ etc that hurt me most. I need to learn to counter this and plan things that make her not feel scared or tired.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Then take charge.... and SHOW her.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

lonesomegra said:


> Like a goose hitting a 747 mid-flight! lol! Great turn of phrase! That goose was really cooked!
> 
> I suppose to be honest I should add one detail that I think really is a turn-off for my W. I suffer bouts of illness that cause me to sleep a lot during some days. In some ways I think sleep=lazy in her eyes. And therefore lazy=not sexy.
> 
> ...


These are empty excuses. You need to get to the bottom of her being disconnected from you. Resentments?


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

SunnyT I am under pressure to bring my wife on a date and like you say I have to do all the planning and just do it. It has been a long time since we went out and up until we entered MC my W has refused to even discuss a date out with me. I think she will only go this time because it was discussed in MC and she sees it as a challenge. 

I do not know however how my W will react. It could all go sour or worse she will put on her big 'everything is fine face' in public when inside she is hating it and I get to suffer the brunt of her moodiness afterwards.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

knowing the life insurence check is comming!



oh wait that was an eppisode of snapped.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

My W has very low self esteem and this could stem from her being molested as a child but neither she nor the Counselor have given this as a reason. I have been advised to 'gently' use words of encouragement towards her, but at the end of the day it is up to her.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

So think of something she really enjoys.... make it all about her, as if you are really "dating". If it's corny, like walk on the beach at sunset...or whatever, shoot for what she loves. 

You can't control her moods.... you can only give it your best shot, with genuine love toward her. Period. Even if it doesn't work, it's not because you didn't try. She has to own her sh*t too.


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