# Modern day delimma raising kids



## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

We now have a child in 2nd and 3rd grade. Every school night we have probably an hour to an hour and a half of homework, studying for tests, etc., with each kid. Add in two working parents and an activity for each child one night a week, plus dinner and baths, and our kids rarely have more than 20 minutes of free time on any given evening.

This wasn't my childhood. I played outside with friends, built things, played sports, etc. 

And the parents didn't have to get involved with homework because we didn't have any at that young age. Now you can't do that. You have to be involved.

I think we are doing a disservice to our children, our families, with all this work. They burn out. Hell, I'm burned out just spending every evening getting them through.

Is it any wonder parents aren't as happy as married adults without kids? My free time starts at 9, and if I take it, it is at the expense of a clean house, clean dishes, and folded laundry. It's just so much these days. 

When will we say enough is enough?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I've seen this up fairly close although not as the parent myself.

I think it is ridiculous, and would never go along with it if I had children. Let them be children!


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

technovelist said:


> I've seen this up fairly close although not as the parent myself.
> 
> I think it is ridiculous, and would never go along with it if I had children. Let them be children!


The only choice I see with that is Montessori school. Where I live it costs more than sending a kid to a private, four-year college. But hey, they don't give homework until 4th grade ....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> The only choice I see with that is Montessori school. Where I live it costs more than sending a kid to a private, four-year college. But hey, they don't give homework until 4th grade ....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What about home schooling? That might be cheaper than Montessori even with one parent not working, if Montessori is that expensive.

Or at least you could cut down on the "optional" activities. I know they can be very time-consuming and expensive.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

technovelist said:


> What about home schooling? That might be cheaper than Montessori even with one parent not working, if Montessori is that expensive.
> 
> Or at least you could cut down on the "optional" activities. I know they can be very time-consuming and expensive.


If my H felt confident living on one salary, I would. But it's too much pressure on him. He says he married me expecting I would work full time.
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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> If my H felt confident living on one salary, I would. But it's too much pressure on him. He says he married me expecting I would work full time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry to hear it. I understand his position, of course. It's just a shame that modern living is so expensive that it requires two workers to support a family.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

technovelist said:


> Sorry to hear it. I understand his position, of course. It's just a shame that modern living is so expensive that it requires two workers to support a family.


He makes 6 figures, but still lacks the confidence that he can support his family. But that's another story. And Montessori for two elementary school kids is over $31k a year. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

This is only one of the reasons more and more people are choosing to homeschool their children. My (very bright) niece and nephew are homeschooled and they have SOOOOO much more time for stuff other than school work and homework!!! They are thriving. (Both parents work from home)


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Neither of you seem solution oriented. 

1. If he feels insecure making 6 figures on one income then get counseling to get over it because its ridiculous
2. Talk to the school for ideas how the kids can get more of their work done in school 
3. An hour to and hour and a half plus meals does not allow any free time? Bull$hit figure it out. It doesn't add up
4. I don't think you are the types to be successful home schoolers as that also with just generate complaints and no solutions 
5. You said the ONLY thing you can do is pay for a school that costs more than you believe you can afford. No that is not all you can do

I suggest you dump your limiting beliefs and learn how to solve problems

It can be done. My wife and I chose to rely solely on my six figure income until my daughter was 10. My daughter is now 14 and has the highest GPA in her class, while taking 4 honors classes and usually two or three organized activities and an active social life. 

It's time to grab the bull by the horns with a new attitude and solve problems instead of complaining about them. 

Best of luck turning over a new leaf. You can do it but you have to stop with the invalid "I cant" and "all I can do" nonsense immediately. That will get you nowhere but misery town.

Take control back. Run your life or it's runs you


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

SurpriseMyself said:


> The only choice I see with that is Montessori school. Where I live it costs more than sending a kid to a private, four-year college. But hey, they don't give homework until 4th grade ....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All 3 of my kids went to Montessori from Kinder to grade 6, love, love, love it. If you can manage the fees it is so worth it.
No homework at all unless the kids asked for some, mine never did lol
With the 3 hour work cycle they do in Monty there really is no need for homework, the kids accomplish so much during the school day.

But as to your post, I completely disagree with homework in Primary school, most of it just seems to be "busy work" and often is actually pushed for by the parents more so than the teachers (here in Aus). There have been many studies that show it does little for children's education, far better they have downtime and help with normal family jobs around the house.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

The homework thing is ridiculous. I suspect maybe teachers want the students to do at home what they should be doing in school. I am planning to homeschool my kids at least in primary grades. I'm not qualified beyond that.

I want to pick @jld brain to see how she managed to successfully homeschool without actual school work until the later years and has a daughter in college exceling in engineering (I think it's engineering).


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

An hour to an hour and a half of homework! My kids that age only have to read a book and write a page-long journal entry once a week. That's at a Catholic school, but my three eldest were in public school for the first few years and did much the same thing. Have they really changed that much in only a decade? 

I wouldn't let my kids do that much at that age. If it takes that long and requires parental assistance, it's obviously beyond their ability. And if it's work they've failed to complete in class I'd wonder why they're not getting the support they need.
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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Mine in 1st has about 30-60 minutes of home work per night. My 8th grader has maybe the same amount. They also have activities every night of the week. We offer to not put them in so much, but they ask for it and more. The 1st grader is in about 8 hours total of dance and gymnastics each week and wants more. The 8th grader has about 9 hours each week. She loves all that she does. We don't want to take it away from either of them. They keep up their grades, so we let them. It is a burden on my wife and I getting them to all of that, but we have a schedule worked out that gets it done. 

We have to make an effort to spend time together. That is the hard part. All of the kid activities causes the parents to have less time together. We strive to have date nights 1-2x per month.

We sacrifice things like the house cleaning and eating at home. So, we eat out a fair bit and we have a cleaning service to help out. But, it seems to work for our family. Some of our friends think we are crazy for having the kids in so much stuff. But, again, it works for us. Luckily, I work for myself and my wife works for my company, so we have a bit more flexibility than most.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

If you have to work two jobs because of your husbands sole provider pressure issue and you are not able to resolve the issue with the school or afford the private school you still have options. Hire a housekeeper to free up some of your time

I would not tolerate a life that was booked so tight my kids only had 20 minutes of joy per day. I can't even decompress to get into the mindset of chilling in 20 minutes. 

SOLVE THIS! 

It's not healthy for any member of your family to live like that


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

batsociety said:


> An hour to an hour and a half of homework! My kids that age only have to read a book and write a page-long journal entry once a week. That's at a Catholic school, but my three eldest were in public school for the first few years and did much the same thing. Have they really changed that much in only a decade?
> 
> I wouldn't let my kids do that much at that age. If it takes that long and requires parental assistance, it's obviously beyond their ability. And if it's work they've failed to complete in class I'd wonder why they're not getting the support they need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you seen the documentary Race to Nowhere? 
Race to Nowhere | TRANSFORMING EDUCATION FROM THE GROUND UP

It's very interesting and I agree with a lot of it. Our school system here in the US is messed up and needs some fixing. The amount of homework keeps growing each year as well. Just 5 years age, the girl I nannied who was 6 had an hour of homework in kindergarten! It was insane. 

My son is 2 and we've been debating on homeschooling him. Even at his age now, I hear people pushing for teaching their 2 year old flash cards, reading, and so on. I want my son to be a kid, so I don't make him sit down for learning time. He gets to learn as he plays, so we'll count as we walk up the stairs for example. I personally think it's kind of sad that childhood seems to be disappearing.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

thefam said:


> The homework thing is ridiculous. I suspect maybe teachers want the students to do at home what they should be doing in school. I am planning to homeschool my kids at least in primary grades. I'm not qualified beyond that.
> 
> I want to pick @jld brain to see how she managed to successfully homeschool without actual school work until the later years and has a daughter in college exceling in engineering (I think it's engineering).


Hi, tfam. I asked dd your question, and she said because I was not forceful about schoolwork, she arrived at college enthusiastic and ready to learn. She thinks that because a lot of kids have academics pushed at them throughout their growing years, by the time they get to college, they are out of steam.

Our philosophy is to let little kids be little kids. They play a lot, and read, but serious schoolwork does not start until around middle school here. High school is more intense, with an emphasis on math and science.

She really does love her engineering studies. She is talking about doing a doctorate in her field, chemical engineering. She loves working in the lab.

Please do not think you are not qualified to homeschool past the early years. My kids do way more than I ever did in school. They use self-teaching materials and direct their own studies. It is empowering for them. 

And really, it is their education, their preparation for their own future, so why not let them be in charge of it?

OP, I totally agree your kids are doing too much for 2nd and 3rd grades! Homework that young sounds crazy to me. Is there any way to talk to the teachers and opt out of it?


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

The funny thing is, my mother was saying the exact same thing when she was raising her children. 

My siblings and me went to excellent Catholic schools; the amount of homework was unreal even then and we're talking about 1980-2000.


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

I've never agreed with the notion of sending kids home with hours of homework. Now that I've been on both sides of the fence (a student and now the parent of a student) it just makes no sense. School is allegedly supposed to prepare you for adult life, and yet I don't ever take my adult work home with me. I clock out and then I go and live my life. 

Do your kids ever have free time during school hours where they could get some of their homework done (during lunch, on the bus ride home, etc.)? That might give them some extra free time at home.

Do they have daily assignments or weekly? When I got weekly assignments, I sometimes tried to get it all done on Monday so I would have the rest of the week to do what I wanted.

Do you feel like assignments are taking too long? Eliminate distractions. Turn off the TV, turn off their iPods, and tell them to buckle down and concentrate. I used to allow myself to get distracted when doing homework and that stretched it out much longer than it needed to be.


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## Aya72 (Sep 11, 2015)

I am in the exact same position. My daughter is in year 10 high school now but I am still helping her. We do homework a minimum 2 hours per day but if she has an assignment it can take much longer. She has dyslexia so it takes even longer than normal. I love school holidays because generally there is no homework, except these holidays she has an assignment. she has homework on weekends too. We have stayed home to do homework when my husband and son go away for the weekend. However my son has finished high school and is in uni and I stopped helping him with his homework in grade 6.


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