# Rude engagement ring reactions



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

My fiance and I got engaged earlier this year, and recently purchased a ring. I love it and am happy to wear it, but I'm starting to feel some kind of way about reactions from acquaintances, and even people I'm meeting for the first time (mostly through work at conferences), that I consider rude. I didn't realize that anyone would ever say much besides "congratulations, nice ring" or some such and move on (which _most_ people do).

I'm getting this from people (some of whom _grab my hand_ to get a closer look):

- how many carats?
- how much did it cost?
- did you get it appraised (are you sure it's real)?
- did you select it? (yes) Oh, it's more romantic if he buys it and surprises you! My husband spent months designing my ring with his personal jeweler!
- halos are so trendy; you should have gotten a classic solitaire/three stone/whatever instead
- I didn't want diamonds for my ring because x, y and z

And the one I hate the most: Can I try it on? 

My sister says people feel they can comment on engagement rings just like people feel they can touch a pregnant woman's belly and start giving her parenting advice - somehow, it's pubic domain and they don't get it that they're being rude. So I've been trying to handle it gracefully and with humor, but I'm afraid I'm going to snap at someone one day and tell them to MYOB in a less than graceful way.

Talk me down from the ledge, people!


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

When I hear people are getting married either through an announcement or because they start sporting the new ring my reaction is always the same.

I say that I felt the way you did once. 

Now I'm paying lifetime support to the woman I gave the ring to, she cheated on me and is living with the guy she cheated on me with and she'd be happy to see me jailed for nonpayment of support now that I am unemployed without even enough money to support myself.

We ALL Feel that way when we give or get the ring. 

But it doesn't always stay that way.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I would build a mental wall personally and put the weirdos in a "Do not disturb" section of my mind.

They aren't really worth your energy and answering foolish questions is a waste.

BTW. Congratulations!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

All you have to do is say thanks and walk away when all the questions are asked.
Who cares what people think as long as you like the ring.
And @Manchester seems to have a bit of a chip on his shoulder. Enjoy this feeling...you deserve to be happy and not every marriage ends like his did. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Manchester said:


> When I hear people are getting married either through an announcement or because they start sporting the new ring my reaction is always the same.
> 
> I say that I felt the way you did once.
> 
> ...


Do you actually say that to people, or just think it to yourself?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I would build a mental wall personally and put the weirdos in a "Do not disturb" section of my mind.
> 
> They aren't really worth your energy and answering foolish questions is a waste.
> 
> ...


Thank you, Conan! 

I answer most questions with something like, "that's between me and my insurance agent!" and laugh it off. I've come up with, "I'm superstitious and don't want anyone else trying my ring" which seems to work. 

I need to work on guarding my facial expressions when I get asked those questions, though. Since these are work acquaintances, I'd rather not alienate them by pointing out their rudeness.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Two answers will suffice:

1. (laugh) Did you really just ask that? (walk away giggling)

2. Engagement rings are very personal. (walk away)

Best wishes!


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Oh the grab hand thing, it's so annoying! 
I had one lady who I used to work with, grab my hand & say the following "wow it's a real small ring that he picked out, you must really love him!" 
After the whole engagement wore off, I had people practically planning my wedding day! Ugh, so glad it's all over with! 
Now it's the "when are you having kids" thing. 

People feel that they can comment on the whole engagement, wedding, etc. They mean no harm, guess it's just tradition. 
Don't worry it will soon pass & things will be back to normal! 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Two answers will suffice:
> 
> *1. (laugh) Did you really just ask that? (walk away giggling)*
> 
> ...


Yes! I love that, and can totally pull that off. Thank you!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

norajane said:


> My fiance and I got engaged earlier this year, and recently purchased a ring. I love it and am happy to wear it, but I'm starting to feel some kind of way about reactions from acquaintances, and even people I'm meeting for the first time (mostly through work at conferences), that I consider rude. I didn't realize that anyone would ever say much besides "congratulations, nice ring" or some such and move on (which _most_ people do).
> 
> I'm getting this from people (some of whom _grab my hand_ to get a closer look):
> 
> ...



This is shocking! Honestly I cannot believe people actually say these kinds of things!

No, people do not get a free pass to make intrusive questions about cost, cut, clarity or size. 

So the next question or comment that goes beyond "my how pretty that ring is!" smile widely and say, "yes, thank you. it is beautiful and I just love it!" And keep repeating that answer.


ETA: I like @Blondilocks answer best!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> Oh the grab hand thing, it's so annoying!
> I had one lady who I used to work with, grab my hand & say the following "wow it's a real small ring that he picked out, you must really love him!"
> After the whole engagement wore off, I had people practically planning my wedding day! Ugh, so glad it's all over with!
> Now it's the "when are you having kids" thing.
> ...


That would have me steaming, MrsAldi! No way should anyone be throwing shade like that on a gift from the man in your life. 

I'm getting the wedding questions, too, though that doesn't bother me because I could use some ideas. We're older, and probably will do something far less traditional than the big family wedding do that we just did a couple of years ago for my sister, so I am on the lookout for a fun place for a party.

At least we're too old for the kids question, lol! Though my parents _were _saying a few years ago that we could still adopt, bless their hearts.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow, I never had anything close to those sorts of comments about my ring. I'd find it incredibly nosy and rude. 

I kept my engagement quiet, but women notice rings. At most, ladies just wanted to see it. One of my clients commented on it having her most favorite setting. Another client joked that he went blind when I entered the room. 

Maybe the most nosy question I was asked was whether I picked it or my husband did. He did, I had absolutely no input, and I was happy to know that he had selected something he thought would suit me.

I think that if someone asked such nosy questions, I'd be tempted to make a snarky reply.


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

I've said to people who just got engaged "Do you KNOW how many people get cheated on, do you KNOW how many people find their partner changes after they get married, do you KNOW how often the sex just STOPS after marriage, do you KNOW that marriage is an outdated and pointless concept and there is nothing to be gained and EVERYTHING to lose from it?" If they say they know but they are sure it won't happen to them I just look at them and say "Ok sure, ok, I guess you are better or somehow different from all of them".

That might be considered rude I just think it's good to give a heads up from my personal experiences and what I know of others.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

People have asked me pretty much the same things, when I was engaged the first time, and now this time. I answer their questions, and then change the subject. 

MrsAldi! Omg, that is really rude for sure that someone said that! 

If you've been engaged twice like me, people are asking ''so, will you actually make it to the altar this time?'' :| I just block their phone number and never speak to them again. lol JK!! (the thought crosses my mind)

People say dumb things, sometimes. What can you do. Enjoy your engagement, and congrats!!


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Not that big, is it? Your fiancee must not have a very good job. I actually witnessed this a few years back from a co-worker. As I recall she did not last long in our department.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Manchester said:


> I've said to people who just got engaged "Do you KNOW how many people get cheated on, do you KNOW how many people find their partner changes after they get married, do you KNOW how often the sex just STOPS after marriage, do you KNOW that marriage is an outdated and pointless concept and there is nothing to be gained and EVERYTHING to lose from it?" If they say they know but they are sure it won't happen to them I just look at them and say "Ok sure, ok, I guess you are better or somehow different from all of them".
> 
> That might be considered rude I just think it's good to give a heads up from my personal experiences and what I know of others.


You are the most sad and cynical person I have ever encountered.

I feel sorry for you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Manchester said:


> I've said to people who just got engaged "Do you KNOW how many people get cheated on, do you KNOW how many people find their partner changes after they get married, do you KNOW how often the sex just STOPS after marriage, do you KNOW that marriage is an outdated and pointless concept and there is nothing to be gained and EVERYTHING to lose from it?" If they say they know but they are sure it won't happen to them I just look at them and say "Ok sure, ok, I guess you are better or somehow different from all of them".
> 
> That might be considered rude I just think it's good to give a heads up from my personal experiences and what I know of others.


I would have expected nothing less from you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

@Satya, the ones that have asked about carats and cost are actually men. Maybe because they've bought rings for their wives?

We've kept the engagement relatively quiet, and it's really our parents that have spread the word in the families. No announcements sent out, nor Facebook statuses or pictures or anything like that. As you said, though, people notice the ring.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Manchester said:


> I've said to people who just got engaged "Do you KNOW how many people get cheated on, do you KNOW how many people find their partner changes after they get married, do you KNOW how often the sex just STOPS after marriage, do you KNOW that marriage is an outdated and pointless concept and there is nothing to be gained and EVERYTHING to lose from it?" If they say they know but they are sure it won't happen to them I just look at them and say "Ok sure, ok, I guess you are better or somehow different from all of them".
> 
> That might be considered rude I just think it's good to give a heads up from my personal experiences and what I know of others.




All I can say is I'm glad you recognize that _might _be considered rude, lol.


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

Hope Shimmers said:


> You are the most sad and cynical person I have ever encountered.
> 
> I feel sorry for you.


I'm being realistic. 

I don't determine the statistics.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> People have asked me pretty much the same things, when I was engaged the first time, and now this time. I answer their questions, and then change the subject.
> 
> MrsAldi! Omg, that is really rude for sure that someone said that!
> 
> ...


Thank you! 

I'm going to guess you also got some Runaway Bride references, too?

We are middle-aged, this is the first marriage for both of us, and we've been together a long time, so some of our friends have asked, "Are you SURE you're not rushing into anything?" That's all good-natured fun from friends, and well, they're not wrong!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

rockon said:


> Not that big, is it? Your fiancee must not have a very good job. I actually witnessed this a few years back from a co-worker. As I recall she did not last long in our department.


Wow, wow, wow. That one leaves me speechless. Some people really, really suck as human beings.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Two answers will suffice:
> 
> 1. (laugh) Did you really just ask that? (walk away giggling)
> 
> ...


This was so much better than what I was thinking which was along the lines of something they might do to themselves that would by physically amazing if they managed!!

I'm always hesitant when people make the marriage all about the ring or the dress. It's the commitment to each other that is important, the rest is just decoration.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

norajane said:


> Thank you!
> 
> I'm going to guess you also got some Runaway Bride references, too?
> 
> We are middle-aged, this is the first marriage for both of us, and we've been together a long time, so some of our friends have asked, "Are you SURE you're not rushing into anything?" That's all good-natured fun from friends, and well, they're not wrong!


I've been a serial dater, so my friends might be taking bets. :surprise: I _should_ block their phone numbers. > My fiance is truly an amazing man, and I'm so grateful. You have found someone to love and who loves you, that's awesome!!

I wish you both great happiness.  I don't think I've ever said something stupid to someone who got engaged, I've always just said ''that's great congrats!'' Unless they're marrying a jerk, then I say nothing. lol


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

First, congratulations on your engagement.

The engagement ring I got my wife had one small amethyst hexagonal gem and cost about $250. It was all that I could afford. That was 30 years ago and we are still married. We've spent more on dinner than I did on that ring, but she loves it because I gave it to her. 

I do not want an engagement ring to look like what I "paid" for my wife. The ring has value as a token of love, not because of any intrinsic value.

Those questions are incredibly rude. When they ask:

- how many carats? _NO idea._

- how much did it cost? _I hope he didn't spend too much. _

- did you get it appraised (are you sure it's real)? _He is._ 


- did you select it? (yes) Oh, it's more romantic if he buys it and surprises you! My husband spent months designing my ring with his personal jeweler! _OH, that's really sweet, but what would you have said if you didn't like it?_

- halos are so trendy; you should have gotten a classic solitaire/three stone/whatever instead. _I really liked it. _

- I didn't want diamonds for my ring because x, y and z. _ I really like diamonds_

And the one I hate the most: Can I try it on? _Sorry, you have to find your own husband, (name) is taken_.


Or if that all fails, let me point out that many household items can serve as lethal weapons in a pinch....


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)




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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

norajane said:


> Wow, wow, wow. That one leaves me speechless. Some people really, really suck as human beings.


Yea, she was regarded as quite a b***h, no one really liked her and she did not last long. I feel sorry for people like that, what happened in the past to make them so bitter and rude.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

norajane said:


> At least we're too old for the kids question, lol! Though my parents _were _saying a few years ago that we could still adopt, bless their hearts.


Ha! Don't bet on it! My husband and I were 45 (him) and 40 when we got married - we were told to "get on with it" re having babies, lol. We couldn't believe it!

Even once a couple does have a baby, then it becomes "when are you having the next one?".

I found men weren't that interested in my engagement ring, but my bestie was "Ooh is that a carat?" I just looked at her.


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

rockon said:


> Yea, she was regarded as quite a b***h, no one really liked her and she did not last long. I feel sorry for people like that, what happened in the past to make them so bitter and rude.


You know it wasn't from winning the Power Ball lottery.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

uhtred said:


> First, congratulations on your engagement.
> 
> The engagement ring I got my wife had one small amethyst hexagonal gem and cost about $250. It was all that I could afford. That was 30 years ago and we are still married. We've spent more on dinner than I did on that ring, but she loves it because I gave it to her.
> 
> I do not want an engagement ring to look like what I "paid" for my wife. The ring has value as a token of love, not because of any intrinsic value.


Thank you, and thank you for sharing your story. 30 years is a long time to be together - that is awesome.



> Those questions are incredibly rude. When they ask:
> 
> - how many carats? _NO idea._
> 
> ...


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Manchester said:


> I've said to people who just got engaged "Do you KNOW how many people get cheated on, do you KNOW how many people find their partner changes after they get married, do you KNOW how often the sex just STOPS after marriage, do you KNOW that marriage is an outdated and pointless concept and there is nothing to be gained and EVERYTHING to lose from it?" If they say they know but they are sure it won't happen to them I just look at them and say "Ok sure, ok, I guess you are better or somehow different from all of them".
> 
> That might be considered rude I just think it's good to give a heads up from my personal experiences and what I know of others.


I think that marriage ''seems'' to change people, sometimes for the worse. But, I have to question the character of people who change for the worse/cheat once married/never want to have sex...before they married. People really don't ''change.'' It's really more that people just didn't want to pay attention to the red flags before they married the person.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This is probably not the advice you were looking for but your life will be so much better if you stop caring what people who are NOT in you immediate cycle say to you and think about you. When someone asks you stupid questions just say polity - I don't know and I really don't care, and believe what you are saying, except it is, I don't really know you and I don't care what you think.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

sokillme said:


> This is probably not the advice you were looking for but your life will be so much better if you stop caring what people who are NOT in you immediate cycle say to you and think about you. When someone asks you stupid questions just say polity - I don't know and I really don't care, and believe what you are saying, except it is, I don't really know you and I don't care what you think.


I completely agree with you! I'm glad posters have given me some good ideas for how to politely tell the work acquaintances to step back.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Manchester said:


> When I hear people are getting married either through an announcement or because they start sporting the new ring my reaction is always the same.
> 
> I say that I felt the way you did once.
> 
> ...


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I would tell people straight up that their comments are inappropriate.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Norajane,

These are all wildly inappropriate reactions. The only proper responses are as you described: congratulations and maybe 'that's a nice ring'. Full stop. 

The competitive and intrusive questions are way way out of line. And given the context it is normal to be put off by them. 

The appraisal question is without doubt the most hostile. The subtext is a combination of: 
do you trust him? and
you shouldn't trust him

So I'm sort of inclined to respond to hostility with humor. For instance:

Why would I get it appraised? We got it on sale at the dollar store.

This is a type of reciprocity response. It mimics the ludicrous nature of the question - with an equally ridiculous answer. 

As far as the request to try it on - I'd just say: What if it gets stuck?

---------
Totally flat tone. Not angry or sarcastic just matter of fact. Both for the dollar store comment and the try it on request. 








Betrayedone said:


> I would tell people straight up that their comments are inappropriate.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@norajane try this response when they say "Is that your engagement ring?:-

:wtf: IS that hideous thing on my finger?"

" An engagement ring you say? Damn!"


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

Betrayedone said:


> How does this comment help the OP? Stay on topic dude..........


My post about how I react to people when they're sporting a new engagement ring is not on the top of this thread which is entitled "rude engagement ring reactions"?

That's weird. It's not like I was talking about the price of spaghetti.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Oh, so you were giving your example of a rude reaction. Gotcha.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

You love the ring and congratulations to you both on your engagement!

How about a graceful 'mind your own business' ...a patient tone and 'oh that'd be rude to discuss!' 'No comment, I value the mystery.' Or simply 'none of your business!'


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

A very hearty congratulations! I have never been married, but I have plenty of friends who are married. And sadly, I have heard the Gambit of responses when people see the ring . I just cannot believe the audacity of some people. I view it the same as perhaps asking how much someone weighs or how much they make. It is just rude. And cheers to you for being nice about it. You are a far better woman than I. I would end up saying something snarky. So good on you and congrats!!

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lucy, thank you! I would have expected snark about our ages more than anything else. I'm not around a lot of people who are newly engaged, so maybe I didn't realize people know better than to make cracks about age or weight, but have no compunction about being nosy about rings. Crazypants.

MEM - love the dollar store comment! It's a quasi-social work setting when we're at conferences, and sometimes there is a ****tail or two at a networking event, and I think that loosens tongues and makes people think they are being far more clever and funny than they really are.

MattMatt - lol

heartsbeating - thank you! I'm not sure I can pull off the mystery, but maybe if I practice. I have another event next week, so I'll be prepared this time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hope Shimmers said:


> You are the most sad and cynical person I have ever encountered.
> 
> I feel sorry for you.


You would be surprised how many men agree with him.

However, Norajane, wear your ring proud and fvck what people think. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Thank you, bandit!

And anyone on this forum shouldn't be the least bit surprised that lots of people - men and women - would agree with Manchester. Marriage is not for the faint of heart for sure. We waited this long ourselves because we've had those thoughts and fears, and the life experiences, that made us both gun-shy and very practical when it comes to making a lifetime commitment. We've come a long way, though, one tiny step at a time.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> Oh the grab hand thing, it's so annoying!
> I had one lady who I used to work with, grab my hand & say the following "wow it's a real small ring that he picked out, you must really love him!"


I would say, Oh, no! We did that on purpose. Studies show that the larger the ring, the higher the likelihood of divorce. I wonder if that is because those people have messed up priorities? And walk away.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> I would say, Oh, no! We did that on purpose. Studies show that the larger the ring, the higher the likelihood of divorce. I wonder if that is because those people have messed up priorities? And walk away.


It's interesting to look at the divorce rate on the highly expensive weddings as well. I believe that $20K+ has a 56% higher than average divorce rate, and quite soon after as well.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> I would say, Oh, no! We did that on purpose. Studies show that the larger the ring, the higher the likelihood of divorce. I wonder if that is because those people have messed up priorities? And walk away.


My ring is a small vintage sapphire, my husband did a lot of research into picking it out for me, he picked my exact style, I will always appreciate the effort he went to for me. And I'm sure he paid a lot. 

It was an unusual ring for some tastes, we all have different style, I can understand that it might not be for everyone. 






Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Is this really common for many women who get a ring today ?? .. It's kind of a 1st for hearing things like this.. I can't think of one unsavory anything in relation to our rings - but that was a long long time ago....

I would never ask to try another's ring on.. or even to grab someone's hand.. just seems so "pushy".. 

I don't know.. if you find someone rude.. just confront it in the most graceful way you can.. don't let anyone steal your happy thunder on your engagement.. Congratulations to you both !


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

norajane said:


> Thank you, bandit!
> 
> And anyone on this forum shouldn't be the least bit surprised that lots of people - men and women - would agree with Manchester. Marriage is not for the faint of heart for sure. We waited this long ourselves because we've had those thoughts and fears, and the life experiences, that made us both gun-shy and very practical when it comes to making a lifetime commitment. We've come a long way, though, one tiny step at a time.


When you have two responsible adults, who understand the meaning of commitment, and understand that marriage is a journey and not a destination, then marriage can be a beautiful, beautiful thing. The synergy that is created where one plus one equals three? There is no force on earth more unshakable and powerful than a married couple who are in sync. But man, they are rare...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> My ring is a small vintage sapphire, my husband did a lot of research into picking it out for me, he picked my exact style, I will always appreciate the effort he went to for me. And I'm sure he paid a lot.
> 
> It was an unusual ring for some tastes, we all have different style, I can understand that it might not be for everyone.


There are a lot of women going for re-sized vintage rings these days. I have a friend back in AZ who is an antiques dealer and she has made beaucoup profit buying old rings from estate sales, having a jeweler clean them up, and then she re-sells them for about 35%-50% more than what she bought them for. Rubies and sapphires set in platinum were popular back in the '20s and '30s and she sells a lot of those.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

My biggest pet peeve about engagement rings is the comment, "WOW he must really love you!"

So does the size of the diamond equate to the amount of love? By that logic, if I hadn't gotten a ring at all does that mean he doesn't love me? 

People are morons.


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## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

Congrats Norajane on your engagement! That's great news.. Don't sweat what others think.. Just tell them its personal or walk away.. 

When me & my wife got engaged and we announced it, people asked why I didn't buy her a ring.. she stepped up and said "I didn't want him to waste money on a ring, we would rather furnace our house and buy things we actually need and can enjoy" That pretty much shut them up


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I think that all of these people are trying to be nice and praise you for having such a nice ring. I seen this way back when I was engaged, my wife would get the same questions and doted on by other women for having such a nice ring. I don't know why you don't like that. Yes, it's your ring but other are complementing you because you have it. Try not to see it as such a negative.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

There is a lot of symbolism and cultural expectations and pressure about rings. In my culture, engagement rings aren't really a thing, but in American culture they seem to be a huge part of the engagement - everything about them seems fraught with meaning.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> I think that all of these people are trying to be nice and praise you for having such a nice ring. I seen this way back when I was engaged, my wife would get the same questions and doted on by other women for having such a nice ring. I don't know why you don't like that. Yes, it's your ring but other are complementing you because you have it. Try not to see it as such a negative.


I am trying to give people the benefit of the doubt that they mean well. The intrusive nature of the reactions was unexpected, though.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

norajane said:


> - how many carats? *Just enough*
> 
> - how much did it cost? *Just enough*
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Norajane,

I try very hard not to let folks suck me into their negativity or to get me to react to their intrusiveness. So I believe that - humour is almost always the apex response. And the reason is that it's difficult to be humorous if you are tense or anxious or angry. 

So - let's consider some scenarios. For instance - let's say the person commenting views it as a giant stone. A huge rock. Nay - a carbonized boulder. And their comments are in line with that. Appraisal my azz - that just means a normal human couldn't buy such a monster. 

So - what then? A bit of fun.

1. A deep - audible sigh
2. Shaking your head in dismay (there is NO WAY I mean NO WAY we could have bought anything remotely this large, mumbling here, yes - intentionally mumbling) 
3. Questioner (Q) - I'm sorry - what? I didn't hear what you said.
4. We couldn't have bought it without the settlement. 
5. (Q) What settlement?
6. Another deep sigh: From the state. We were in the state park and they hadn't been managing the alligator population.
7. (Q) ok, but what does that have to do with the ring?
8. Reason it wasn't in the news - we had to sign an NDA. But the alligator bit my fiancée - maimed him. Dis MEMBERED him if you get my drift. 
9. (Q) Wait - what?
10. Yeah - bit his - well that's why the settlement was so enormous. Didn't just effect him, it effects me almost as much. Why he tried to compensate me - for loss of service - with this monster rock. I don't know - would you consider it adequate compensation for - well you know - a total loss of service like that?









norajane said:


> lucy, thank you! I would have expected snark about our ages more than anything else. I'm not around a lot of people who are newly engaged, so maybe I didn't realize people know better than to make cracks about age or weight, but have no compunction about being nosy about rings. Crazypants.
> 
> MEM - love the dollar store comment! It's a quasi-social work setting when we're at conferences, and sometimes there is a ****tail or two at a networking event, and I think that loosens tongues and makes people think they are being far more clever and funny than they really are.
> 
> ...


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## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

Present your hand and say "Go ahead, pull my finger......"


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

NothingsOriginal said:


> Present your hand and say "Go ahead, pull my finger......"


Never do that unless you're ready, willing, and able to back it up.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

norajane said:


> There is a lot of symbolism and cultural expectations and pressure about rings. In my culture, engagement rings aren't really a thing, but in American culture they seem to be a huge part of the engagement - everything about them seems fraught with meaning.


Yeah....

In American culture it's all about "How much bank can I get this fool to blow on a worthless piece of crystallized carbon that I can show off to my girlfriends..."


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Worst one I got, and this is sadly 100% true:

When is the baby due?

From my male boss at the time who was also a good friend and former roommate of my fiancée (now husband)....


And I should mention, that I was NOT pregnant...

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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

We had a male friend who was divorced and asked a woman 15 years younger (she was 21) to marry him. They shopped and shopped for a suitable ring. GF wanted a 2 (two) carat solitaire. When they came over, she was practically jumping up & down to show me her TWO, TWO carat diamond. I swear she was practically peeing. One glance and I knew it was a CZ. Looked at friend and he lowered his head. I always knew he was a cheap SOB but that took the cake. She never knew 'til she divorced him twenty years later.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> We had a male friend who was divorced and asked a woman 15 years younger (she was 21) to marry him. They shopped and shopped for a suitable ring. GF wanted a 2 (two) carat solitaire. When they came over, she was practically jumping up & down to show me her TWO, TWO carat diamond. I swear she was practically peeing. One glance and I knew it was a CZ. Looked at friend and he lowered his head. I always knew he was a cheap SOB but that took the cake. She never knew 'til she divorced him twenty years later.





That's one smart guy. And ballsy too.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> That's one smart guy. And ballsy too.


Especially because she cheated on him and then divorced him for the OM.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

From your boss???????

I've lived a really sheltered life in terms of harassment at the workplace. 




heartbroken50 said:


> Worst one I got, and this is sadly 100% true:
> 
> When is the baby due?
> 
> ...


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

uhtred said:


> From your boss???????
> 
> 
> 
> I've lived a really sheltered life in terms of harassment at the workplace.




That's the restaurant business, unfortunately...


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> We had a male friend who was divorced and asked a woman 15 years younger (she was 21) to marry him. They shopped and shopped for a suitable ring. GF wanted a 2 (two) carat solitaire. When they came over, she was practically jumping up & down to show me her TWO, TWO carat diamond. I swear she was practically peeing. One glance and I knew it was a CZ. Looked at friend and he lowered his head. I always knew he was a cheap SOB but that took the cake. She never knew 'til she divorced him twenty years later.




Aaawwweeesome. 


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Manchester said:


> Now I'm paying lifetime support to the woman I gave the ring to, she cheated on me and is living with the guy she cheated on me with and she'd be happy to see me jailed for nonpayment of support now that I am unemployed without even enough money to support myself.


With all due respect Manchester, you make this claim as though you were railroaded by the 'system' through no fault of your own and *any *man foolish enough to get married is going to suffer the same fate you did.

But what you've left out of your doom and gloom speech, however, is the fact that you didn't bother to READ the final property settlement agreement from your wife's lawyer *nor* did you chose to get counsel from a lawyer before haphazardly signing it and sealing your own fate of paying lifelong support to your ex-wife whether she marries again or not.

You no doubt were dealt a sh*tty hand with a cheating wife who took you to the cleaners, but it's a bit unfair to skew the facts and help propagate the misguided belief that women can just get whatever they *want* in divorce court and take a man for everything he's worth - just because they feel like doing it. They _can't_. But they can sure take advantage of someone whose chosen not to protect himself or get legal representation. :frown2:


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its really sad that CZ is sold as "fake" diamond. Its a really beautiful gem, more so than diamond because it has more color. Not as durable of course, but you could replace a damaged stone a dozen times for the same cost. 

In any case I would NOT want to wear a 2ct diamond. Too obviously valuable 



Blondilocks said:


> We had a male friend who was divorced and asked a woman 15 years younger (she was 21) to marry him. They shopped and shopped for a suitable ring. GF wanted a 2 (two) carat solitaire. When they came over, she was practically jumping up & down to show me her TWO, TWO carat diamond. I swear she was practically peeing. One glance and I knew it was a CZ. Looked at friend and he lowered his head. I always knew he was a cheap SOB but that took the cake. She never knew 'til she divorced him twenty years later.


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> With all due respect Manchester, you make this claim as though you were railroaded by the 'system' through no fault of your own and *any *man foolish enough to get married is going to suffer the same fate you did.
> 
> But what you've left out of your doom and gloom speech, however, is the fact that you didn't bother to READ the final property settlement agreement from your wife's lawyer *nor* did you chose to get counsel from a lawyer before haphazardly signing it and sealing your own fate of paying lifelong support to your ex-wife whether she marries again or not.
> 
> You no doubt were dealt a sh*tty hand with a cheating wife who took you to the cleaners, but it's a bit unfair to skew the facts and help propagate the misguided belief that women can just get whatever they *want* in divorce court and take a man for everything he's worth - just because they feel like doing it. They _can't_. But they can sure take advantage of someone whose chosen not to protect himself or get legal representation. :frown2:


Guys like me still get shafted even with highly paid attorneys because it's a life time alimony state.

Is that fair? No.

When we get married do we think this will happen to us? No.

Does it happen a lot? Yes.

Is there any way to tell (at the time of the engagement) which marriages will fail and which will not? No.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

norajane said:


> I'm getting this from people (some of whom _grab my hand_ to get a closer look):
> 
> - how many carats?
> - how much did it cost?
> ...


Holy shît!!! What kind of man has his own personal jeweler???? Makes me think of this type of guy that demands his booty's bling matches his grills, so you know that girl is his when he smiles:










Badsanta


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Blond,
Your post gets the 'anecdote of the month' award.





Blondilocks said:


> We had a male friend who was divorced and asked a woman 15 years younger (she was 21) to marry him. They shopped and shopped for a suitable ring. GF wanted a 2 (two) carat solitaire. When they came over, she was practically jumping up & down to show me her TWO, TWO carat diamond. I swear she was practically peeing. One glance and I knew it was a CZ. Looked at friend and he lowered his head. I always knew he was a cheap SOB but that took the cake. She never knew 'til she divorced him twenty years later.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

heartbroken50 said:


> Worst one I got, and this is sadly 100% true:
> 
> When is the baby due?
> 
> ...


I've always said don't ever ask a woman when she's due unless she's wearing a "baby on board" t shirt.



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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> I've always said don't ever ask a woman when she's due unless she's wearing a "baby on board" t shirt.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


QFT!


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

lucy999 said:


> I've always said don't ever ask a woman when she's due unless she's wearing a "baby on board" t shirt.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk



FWIW it had nothing to do with a bump... I was actually slender at the time (for me anyway) but he just couldn't see the point in marrying without a reason... classy.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

heartbroken50 said:


> FWIW it had nothing to do with a bump... I was actually slender at the time (for me anyway) but he just couldn't see the point in marrying without a reason... classy.


Oh brother.

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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Manchester said:


> When I hear people are getting married either through an announcement or because they start sporting the new ring my reaction is always the same.
> 
> I say that I felt the way you did once.
> 
> ...


Ray of sunshine, this one.


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