# How to tell if you have moved on?



## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

I have been divorced for a while now and I thought I was over it/her/my marriage several times before... but it seems i would get sucked back down into a depression time and time again. 

How did you feel when you were finally able to really let go?


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

RNS said:


> I have been divorced for a while now and I thought I was over it/her/my marriage several times before... but it seems i would get sucked back down into a depression time and time again.
> 
> How did you feel when you were finally able to really let go?


I feel normal. Just with out baggage. 

It was a weird trip for me, never single, so I had to learn a lot. DV after 25 years. Now I have friends that say I am acting like my own person, It just feels right. Plain and simple. No waving flags, no fireworks no epiphanies, Just calm and feeling good. I am not looking to date, although I am working out, meeting new people, always social when I can be. I now know more now than I ever had about my self. It is just good.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

For me, it was obviously very depressing at first. It felt weird to even pull in her drive to pick up the kids. It just gradually went away. I would be ok for a while, and then i would be down again, sometimes even without what i would call a trigger. Then it actually took something to trigger, like if I knew she was dating. Now, after 4 years, I really don't care about any of it. I haven't had a depressed feeling in a looong time now.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I've been divorced for a year after getting out of a 45 year marriage. I didn't go through any depression after my divorce was final (I did that while I was married) so I have been very fortunate. I look upon my ex-husband and his new wife as family members and enjoy seeing them -- as long as it's fairly brief. 

I feel as though a huge burden has been lifted. Indifference is a wonderful thing.


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Openminded said:


> I've been divorced for a year after getting out of a 45 year marriage. I didn't go through any depression after my divorce was final (I did that while I was married) so I have been very fortunate. I look upon my ex-husband and his new wife as family members and enjoy seeing them -- as long as it's fairly brief.
> 
> I feel as though a huge burden has been lifted. Indifference is a wonderful thing.


You were married for 45 years??? and your ex re-married in that time? WOW!!! 

I've been divorced now for 3.5 yrs. Not all roses but I am FAR from the roller coaster days. It all just kind of levels out over time. Are there bumps in the road, still? Absolutely. But...That's life, period, and really has nothing to do with the ex. 

The only thing that brings me back down that road is if I get to feeling sorry for myself for time and finances lost. I was pretty well set when I married and my career was on a major upswing. A lot of that is gone now and sometimes I have to admit that I miss the bright lights. I live a very simple life now and am MUCH different than I was when I got married. Not so sure I wouldn't have crashed and burned regardless of marrying the ex. 

Honestly, when you quit looking back and have an eye on your future while living in the present then you know you've come full circle and are over the ex.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

The process of moving on is different for each person. 
Some people go “frak it” and go on with seemingly few cares. Other folks, it needs to wear off like alcohol.
The best thing you can do is to distract yourself with other things and concentrate on making your life better. 

You may still run into occasional triggers. They may surprise you.
I have an apartment below me that I rent. My ex and I spent two years there before we got married.
I was cleaning and found her first dogs ball way under the cabinetry.
Unexpected.

So I gave it to her current dog and didn’t look back.

You will know you have moved on when you can remember something good about the relationship and not be sad or angry that its gone.
…or at least not sad or angry enough to disrupt your day..


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Hm. It wasn't a realization but looking back I can see a few signs.

When you stop referencing anything in the past with a "we" and now use "I" - as in "when we went to the Bahamas..." - now it's "when I was in the Bahamas..."

When milestone dates pass and you don't realize it's your anniversary/his birthday/etc until much later in the day when you see the date written.

When something good happens to you and you do not think of them at all. For instance, if you get a promotion and your first thought isn't that you can't wait to tell him OR to rub it in his face. You just bask in your own glory or call a friend.

You no longer make ANY decision with their preferences in mind. i.e. you get a hair cut and select the cut without once considering "he likes it long/curly/short/blond/dark" or you paint a room and it never occurs to you he hates green while you are selecting a lovely sage color. You just do what you like without any other thought.

You need help or advice and it does not cross your mind to ask the ex for it.


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## evolver (Dec 3, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> When milestone dates pass and you don't realize it's your anniversary/his birthday/etc until much later in the day when you see the date written.


Interesting. Today would have been my anniversary, and I didn't realize it AT ALL until I read your reply. :smthumbup:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When I stop giving a sh-t!


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