# Not Sure What to Do?



## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Long story in a short form:

My husband of 4 years has been maintaining online relationships off and on for the duration of our marriage. I caught it first only 6 months in when he sent me a text forward with two other numbers attached that I did not recognize. I text the girls, found out that they were both talking to my husband, one of them cussed me out and said she did not care if we are married. The other did not believe me until I texted her a wedding picture. 

About a year later I caught him again, he tried to make it out to not be a big deal. He is "smarter" about it now. Only blocked calls, or online activity with accounts I do not have access to. Well this week he accidentally forgot to log out of his facebook, and I discovered more messages between him and another female. They referenced their Skype convos, she refers to him as baby. The convos are far from PG.

Mind you he lost his job two years ago, and has not "been able" to find another job. He does not apply unless I push him to. 

I feel crazy that I still care about him, and at times he makes me feel like he cares about me, he picks up the slack for a while, then goes right back to it. I am just so confused and lost. I am working two jobs to support our mortgage and car payments while he stays home and talks to girls and plays his play station. At nearly 40 it's pathetic. 

How do I deal with this? What do you recommend.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Leave him, then go dark. After he freaks out for a week or so, find out if he's serious about fixing his marriage...

Oh, screw it. Just leave him.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It really is pathetic. He's been playing the field while married to you right from the start. And now you're the adult in the relationship, taking all the responsibility. I would cut my losses & kick him out. Whatever threads of love you have will break at some point anyway, so why wait? Once he's gone, you'll feel a tremendous weight lifted, I bet.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

I was almost in the exact same situation with my exh ( he was 37), he was off having an EA while sitting at home unemployed for almost 2 years playing xbox and playstation, while i worked myself to death trying to pay the mortgage, cars, daycare... He wouldn't even apply for jobs unless i "nagged" him.

Long story short he is now '"ex" and is unhappy living a super crappy life ( oh and he is no longer with the ow) while im happy and my pretty good. 

It took a lot for me to "let go" and let him be responsible for himself and not "save him", but in the end its was the best thing i could have done for MYSELF.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

It just seems so hard to walk away. I am normally a head strong person, but this has me feeling stuck. At 28, why is it that I am the responsible one? Is it possible to care and still do those things, or am I safe to say he does not care at all?


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> I was almost in the exact same situation with my exh ( he was 37), he was off having an EA while sitting at home unemployed for almost 2 years playing xbox and playstation, while i worked myself to death trying to pay the mortgage, cars, daycare... He wouldn't even apply for jobs unless i "nagged" him.
> 
> Long story short he is now '"ex" and is unhappy living a super crappy life ( oh and he is no longer with the ow) while im happy and my pretty good.
> 
> It took a lot for me to "let go" and let him be responsible for himself and not "save him", but in the end its was the best thing i could have done for MYSELF.


I think I have been trying to save him from his downward spiral, I have no clue what he will do when I leave. He does not have a dime to his name... it's just so hard because I really love him and care about him.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Do you have kids together? I really understand... I was so concerned on what would happen to him if he left..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He's a serial cheater. Cheating only 6 months into the marriage (that you know of).

I wouldn't stay with him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

CLP said:


> I have no clue what he will do when I leave. He does not have a dime to his name...


That's not your problem.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

CLP said:


> Is it possible to care and still do those things, or am I safe to say he does not care at all?


You know who he cares about? Himself-- do you really want to be his parent for the rest of your life? Always covering up for his mistakes?


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

CLP said:


> Long story in a short form:
> 
> My husband of 4 years has been maintaining online relationships off and on for the duration of our marriage. I caught it first only 6 months in when he sent me a text forward with two other numbers attached that I did not recognize. I text the girls, found out that they were both talking to my husband, one of them cussed me out and said she did not care if we are married. The other did not believe me until I texted her a wedding picture.
> 
> ...


Sorry you are here. 

You might want to do some research on serial cheaters and how in most cases they are difficult to fix.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

CLP said:


> I think I have been trying to save him from his downward spiral, I have no clue what he will do when I leave. He does not have a dime to his name... it's just so hard because I really love him and care about him.


I just don't get how this could possibly be love. I can see caring about someone who has flaws - of course, we all do - but real, lasting, romantic love? No way.

There's zero trust here. I hope you move on and find a man who shows you what real love is.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> Do you have kids together? I really understand... I was so concerned on what would happen to him if he left..


No kids just two pets. It will be hard as I love his family like my own. Even they are perplexed with his lack of employment for this long. No one is very happy with him at this point.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

I just never saw myself in this position... He seemed like such a great catch when we were dating, I guess I fell for the act. I just feel like a failure...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Nobody ever imagines themself in this situation. But you will find you are NOT alone. 

You are not a failure. His actions have no bearing on you. Got it?

Assumet he worst case scenario: what if he never stops cheating? Do you want to stay with him despite this?


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

CLP said:


> I feel crazy that I still care about him, and at times he makes me feel like he cares about me, he picks up the slack for a while, then goes right back to it. I am just so confused and lost. I am working two jobs to support our mortgage and car payments while he stays home and talks to girls and plays his play station. At nearly 40 it's pathetic.


Run, fast and far. If what you said is true then he's a loser, a failure, an embarrassment to his gender.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

CLP said:


> No kids just two pets. It will be hard as I love his family like my own. Even they are perplexed with his lack of employment for this long. No one is very happy with him at this point.


you are lucky no kids.. no reason you have to cut ties with the inlaws, I still see mine regularly..My exs whole family turned against him because the same behavior. I know its hard when you love someone, especially if you are a person who likes to be a "caretaker". But can you continue to live like this? I bet you are successful in the rest of your life, right? I know I am- my ex had a lot of potential too... but slowly i took on more and more over time, sound familiar?


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

You are not a failure and nothing you do will change him... the only person who can make him change is himself and the only persons action you can control are your own.. you cant make him stop the EAs or stop playing video games or get a job ( hell i used even apply for jobs for my ex)


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I wanted so badly to salvage my relationship with my ex in the beginning. I really do think that kicking him out however, was the best decision I made. We are not reconciling and as much as I still hurt (almost 2 months out), I don't want to reconcile.

Whether you reconcile or not, I think distance and time apart is one of the smartest choices you can make when dealing with a cheating spouse. He might wise up (but a serial cheater is hard to change) or like me, you might find some more self-respect and realize that you deserve better and that being alone is better than being with someone who treats you badly.

What your husband has done and is continuing to do is completely unacceptable and 100% disrespectful to you. 

I think you really ought to kick him out, if only so that you can gain some clarity. I know you love him but be careful that you aren't mistaking your love for him for the love you have for the person that you _think he is_ or _has the potential to be_ but not who he really is. With my ex, I loved the latter because in reality, I was in love with a lie. The man he really is, is a stranger to me. 

Actions and not words are what you should bank on. Ignoring what he says when caught and the empty promises he makes to you - listen to what he does because that is the truth. Every time he shows a lack of initiative to apply for jobs tells you he has no intention of finding a job and contributing to the finances. 

His [email protected] attempts to change are not sincere. He wants to do what he needs to do in order to shut you up and make you complacent again so he can eat cake. 

Every time he talks to another woman tells you he doesn't respect you or your relationship. He is not going to change so long as he is allowed to sh!t on you and your relationship and continue to reap the benefits of having you in his life. 

Ask yourself what the benefits of staying with him are. You are not getting what you deserve but you are getting what you allow to continue by staying.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Jellybeans, 

No I am tired of feeling miserable, I guess I just hope he changes. But without change I cannot do this. It's driving me crazy.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> you are lucky no kids.. no reason you have to cut ties with the inlaws, I still see mine regularly..My exs whole family turned against him because the same behavior. I know its hard when you love someone, especially if you are a person who likes to be a "caretaker". But can you continue to live like this? I bet you are successful in the rest of your life, right? I know I am- my ex had a lot of potential too... but slowly i took on more and more over time, sound familiar?


Wow sure does!


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Up to now, you have shown through your actions that you accept his treatment of you. You need to show him, _with action, not words_ that you no longer accept it.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> I wanted so badly to salvage my relationship with my ex in the beginning. I really do think that kicking him out however, was the best decision I made. We are not reconciling and as much as I still hurt (almost 2 months out), I don't want to reconcile.
> 
> Whether you reconcile or not, I think distance and time apart is one of the smartest choices you can make when dealing with a cheating spouse. He might wise up (but a serial cheater is hard to change) or like me, you might find some more self-respect and realize that you deserve better and that being alone is better than being with someone who treats you badly.
> 
> ...


this really gives me a lot to think about, maybe starting with some distance would be a great thing. The most we have been away from each other is a few days is I travel with work. 

thank you for the straight answer... I think I am in love with a lie of what he made me believe he was, or who I hope he will be.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

CLP said:


> Jellybeans,
> 
> No I am tired of feeling miserable, I guess I just hope he changes. But without change I cannot do this. It's driving me crazy.


Hope is always the last thing to die. 

And you are correct -- if nothing changes... then you are stuck with the status quo.

It's up to him to stop the behavior. But you don't have to put up with it in the meantime. 

Yours is a young marriage... do you really want to keep at this?


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

CLP said:


> this really gives me a lot to think about, maybe starting with some distance would be a great thing.


CLP its not just distance that is needed because you will continue to pay his bills as he lives up the high "single" life, doing what he wants while you still take care of him---- I have done that too, and they like that even more.

He needs to stand on his own two feet, thats the only way it will work or nothing else will change. Why would he change when you continue to make life easy? ( im not saying this to be harsh, I lived it).


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> CLP its not just distance that is needed because you will continue to pay his bills as he lives up the high "single" life, doing what he wants while you still take care of him---- I have done that too, and they like that even more.
> 
> He needs to stand on his own two feet, thats the only way it will work or nothing else will change. Why would he change when you continue to make life easy? ( im not saying this to be harsh, I lived it).


I may sound like a total idiot, but I don't know that I have the courage to just up and leave. Does that sound crazy? Why am I doing this to myself!? IT's stupid. 

Either way his parents will take him in, I do not think at this point he will ever get on his own two feet. Our bills are some intertwined do I just not pay things that are in his name?


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

No you dont sound like an idiot... it hard to do something like this, it took me a long time and see it for what it was and then have the courage to kick him out. Even then I backtracked several times. I get it you love him, but if he *really* loved you would he be acting this way with other women and not helping contribute financially to the marriage?

He may never get on his own two feet but that's *Not Your Responsibility*. My ex lives in one bedroom of a buddys mother townhouse, has nothing to his name, any money i gave him in the divorce he blew on total crap. It was hard at first, and sometimes it still hard seeing him go in a downward spiral ( since i see him a lot because of our child) but im actually happier now than i was living like that.

Would you need to leave him or could you just kick him out of where you are at, i mean i assume you can afford where you are at since you are most likely living of just your salary anyway, right? As far as bills go whats in his name?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

CLP said:


> I may sound like a total idiot, but I don't know that I have the courage to just up and leave. Does that sound crazy? Why am I doing this to myself!? IT's stupid.
> 
> Either way his parents will take him in, I do not think at this point he will ever get on his own two feet. Our bills are some intertwined do I just not pay things that are in his name?


You have to get your mind around it first. Perhaps you can start making some lists of things to do to extract yourself. Start working on logistics, practical things. If you begin to psychologically see this as your future, it will be easier to actually go through with it.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> CLP its not just distance that is needed because you will continue to pay his bills as he lives up the high "single" life, doing what he wants while you still take care of him---- I have done that too, and they like that even more.
> 
> He needs to stand on his own two feet, thats the only way it will work or nothing else will change. Why would he change when you continue to make life easy? ( im not saying this to be harsh, I lived it).


I just need to quit over thinking the what-if's and take some action. It is easier said than done. 

In every other area of my life I am tough, bold, and independent. I don't know how I became such a drone.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> No you dont sound like an idiot... it hard to do something like this, it took me a long time and see it for what it was and then have the courage to kick him out. Even then I backtracked several times. I get it you love him, but if he *really* loved you would he be acting this way with other women and not helping contribute financially to the marriage?
> 
> He may never get on his own two feet but that's *Not Your Responsibility*. My ex lives in one bedroom of a buddys mother townhouse, has nothing to his name, any money i gave him in the divorce he blew on total crap. It was hard at first, and sometimes it still hard seeing him go in a downward spiral ( since i see him a lot because of our child) but im actually happier now than i was living like that.
> 
> Would you need to leave him or could you just kick him out of where you are at, i mean i assume you can afford where you are at since you are most likely living of just your salary anyway, right? As far as bills go whats in his name?


I can barley afford it and I am working my butt off, and I make decent money. There is a lot of debt now, he has racked up credit cards in his name, and I am supporting a life we set up for two incomes, a nice home with a morgage, and nice car with a nearly $500.00 a month payment. My credit is on the decline as sometimes I pay things late to rob peter to pay paul. I can make it, but I feel the best option is to sell the house if possible and get a small apartment. 

The house and cars are in both our names, one is paid off the other is not. Utilities and such are in my name, most credit card bills are in his name. I have very few in my name.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

You don't have to just up and leave him right now.
But it would be a good thing to assert yourself, let him know what you expect, and follow through with it.

Tell him what is unacceptable, what you expect him to do, and when he needs to do it. Put a timeline on it.

Things like....
Expose his online cheating. Tell him it's unacceptable..or he leaves. Right now. You both should get STD testing. 

He needs to look for work. Specifics. Go see an employment counsellor, apply for at least two jobs a day, get a part time job right away while he's looking.

Tell him that by a certain date (say two weeks) he needs to start paying half of the bills, or his bills, etc etc.

What is he doing around the house? Give him a list.

Do you have an extra bedroom? That's where he can go. 

If he doesn't want to do any of those things (like look for work and get a job) he can go live with his parents. He moves. Not you. 

Another option ... (this is what I did ) write up a separation agreement. Split all the assets, debts, on paper. Since you are working and he is not, you get the house to sell and pay off debts. 
It costs very little to do a generic form, and he should get his own lawyer to review it. It's not a divorce paper... it's a legal separation. He cuts up all joint credit cards, you get separate bank accounts and financially separate yourselves. Talk to your bank about how to do that.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

i think deejov idea of a seperation agreement is a great idea.. i did something similar as well. im guessing as far as ultimatums go you've already given him many chances.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

You are earning the money, keeping everything afloat, therefore he moves out. You will have less expenses due to not having a child in your house all day eating food and heating on all day long. You will manage easier, and he should look after himself now considering that his version of a marriage is to do sod all and be looked after like a 3 year old. I am surprised he doesn't ask u to wipe his ass after the loo too! 

Sorry, I know that is flippant in your very real situation. But what kind of man just does nothing and expects to be loved and for the marriage to last! He deserves nothing! 

And yea, I spent 11 years with one. Total misery. The lonliest relationship I have ever endured. Thank your lucky stars you have no kids with him, and whatever you do, get the fu*k out before you fall pregnant and while you are still young enough to find a decent man to have a family with. 

Once you are gone you will kick yourself about the worry and the question over leaving him. You will feel the biggest fool. For a while. But you have no kids. So all experience in life is an education! 

Get out of there! (not you, him! Don't you dare leave him in the house. Kick his lazy ass out!)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

CLP said:


> Long story in a short form:
> 
> My husband of 4 years has been maintaining online relationships off and on for the duration of our marriage. I caught it first only 6 months in when he sent me a text forward with two other numbers attached that I did not recognize. I text the girls, found out that they were both talking to my husband, one of them cussed me out and said she did not care if we are married. The other did not believe me until I texted her a wedding picture.
> 
> ...


CLP, how come you have a child who is older than you are?

He needs to do more *and* less. *More* of being your husband, *less* of being an EA text/FB fiend.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Also wanted to ask... what does his family say about this? After 2 years of not working, I would assume he's got some depression going on, and seeking some self confidence boosting by chatting up other women to make himself feel like more of a "man".... but have YOU talked to them? Are they willing to kick him in the butt, pay for him to go to counselling, push him to find a job and get out of his rut?


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

CLP said:


> ...I don't know that I have the courage to just up and leave. Does that sound crazy? Why am I doing this to myself!? IT's stupid.


Yes, it is stupid. My wife was too chicken-s.h.i.t to leave me 15 years ago when she fell out of love with me. 3 kids and an old husband later, she has now destroyed 5 lives: Hers, mine and three kids.

No infidelity from me, but I was a verbally abusive husband. Instead of trying to help us, she buried it. Suffered with it for so long. Did nothing to help me. Help her. Help US.

I feel bad for you now. But if you don't leave him you will just be another walk-away wife who ruins a lot of peoples lives, including your own, with your inaction. Harsh? Maybe. I was evil. I was bad. She should have told me off and left me over a decade ago. That wold have fixed her. Would have fixed me (I changed IMMEDIATELY when I fond out my loveless, sexless marriage was my fault, but it was too late). And we wouldn't have brought three kids into this mess.

I feel badly for you now. But if you're here a month from now still wringing your hands, it's YOUR FAULT.

Minimum, don't bring kids into this mess.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Well, we have done some talking about situations, and not much else so far. I working up to my decision, I know what I need to do I just know it will be hard, and I think he is going to make into a big ordeal when I kick him out. I need to get things that are important out slowly, so he does not break anything vital. I have a feeling he is going to flip out on me.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Oh and he says I need to let it go, and he does not want to talk about it anymore. It "does not mean anything" and it's "not a big deal", he applied for a job last night for the first time in months, he has to ask me a million questions just to fill out the darn application. 

Sigh- what have I got myself into!!


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

CLP, you have the power to take control of this situation, now, this week.
1. You need to leave him alone; stop bothering him with this.
2. Go see an attorney and begin paperwork for a divorce.
3. While waiting for the papers to be ready, start pricing apartments, moving, etc, etc. Start preparing yourself to follow through with a divorce.
4. When the papers are ready for his signature, hand them to him.​A new day will be born instantly. You will feel empowered, he will feel confused and scared. Don't scream, holler, argue, stay calm and tell him to please sign the papers, that you are no longer interested in being married to him.

At this point, either the *REAL dialog will begin* or, if he still clams up, *follow through with the divorce.*

Anything less and you'll be in this mess for years to come; maybe forever.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

CLP said:


> Oh and he says I need to let it go, and he does not want to talk about it anymore. It "does not mean anything" and it's "not a big deal", he applied for a job last night for the first time in months, he has to ask me a million questions just to fill out the darn application.
> 
> Sigh- what have I got myself into!!


CLP, 

An EA is a big deal, he is just trying to keep you being his mommy and take care of everything while he goes and does whatever the hell he feels like. Filling out one application, give me a break (oh btw my ex still calls me on occasion to help him with his).

Let me tell you this I know its hard, its much easier just to cave and let status-quo go on rather than get him upset, I have been there. 1 year ago I was pretty much exactly in your potion, husband having an EA with no real job for like 2 years, me doing all the work. I fought hard for my marriage to stay together for my child, It didn't work, he choose the 24 year old girl ( hes 37) in another state over myself and our child. (btw they broke up shortly after he left) 

I can say 1 year later im glad he did. I am HAPPY now. No walking on eggshells, no one spending money secretly, no one disrespecting me with an EA, I only have to worry about myself and my son. Its better on the other side.. what you are in is not a true relationship, you are his parent... I currently am seeing someone and he is my EQUAL- a self-sufficient adult... Its amazing, I didn't even know this is what a real adult relationship could be like.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Thank you so much, I needed to hear all of this.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Thoughts on this- 

The hubby got a call about a possible job offer. I know now that I want out, but he is talking now like he wants to make things work. He jumped up last week and actually made an effort to find a job. I sure could use the help catching up on bills. 

I am aware this is a ploy to keep me there. However if he actually does get working, and does help pay things down it would make my life easier. Is that wrong to think this way? 

I could gather some evidence of the EA which I am sure has not stopped. Or should I just cut my losses and move on?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

CLP said:


> Thoughts on this-
> 
> The hubby got a call about a possible job offer. I know now that I want out, but he is talking now like he wants to make things work. He jumped up last week and actually made an effort to find a job. I sure could use the help catching up on bills.
> 
> ...


Well, him getting a job helps you if you leave. He can't come after you for alimony then. So, I'd see this as a win for you. Let him get his job, then leave him (since you said you want out). This also will alleviate whatever guilt you may have.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

CLP said:


> Thoughts on this-
> 
> The hubby got a call about a possible job offer. I know now that I want out, but he is talking now like he wants to make things work. He jumped up last week and actually made an effort to find a job. I sure could use the help catching up on bills.
> 
> ...


No I dont think its wrong to think that way... as long as you are aware, like you said, its just a ploy to keep you there.. but i would personally give myself a time limit ( like 6 months) if you really know you want out. And he doesn't even have the job yet, how many times did I hear "It in the bag or They liked me I have the job"... and it would never pan out. Thats just my opinion though.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Take your time. I would give it a week and see what happens. In the meantime you can start putting your life in order. Your husband seems to have shut down prior to this burst of job seeking. I suspect looking at behaviors related to addiction. His past behavior of shutting down with you and seeking out thrills online with other women is alarming.


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

The job did not pan out. Go figure!

Can someone refer me to a good Key Logger Program that I can install on the computers at home? 

I want to have concrete evidence, I have read messages, I know have one saved, and I think i'd like to know how much and what's really going on.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Sorry to hear that but im not surprised.... there are many recommendations on this CWI forum.. there are many types to choose from and im no expert, i used one that hooked physically into the back of a desktop since i knew he wouldn't notice it... but you may want something more covert. I initially I caught him by taking his cell phone every night as he slept and check thru all text and emails, i was persistent and after a few weeks of it he finally slipped up and forgot to delete them all...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/34897-best-keylogger.html

Be careful, what you find may be more painful than you realize, even if you know he is really having an EA and think you want out. I will never forget what I saw in those text messages...


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

Well... Here I am months later in the same boat all over again. My husband worked for like two months, then got laid off. 

He apologized, gave me is online passwords, and now I've discovered he has created new accounts. He is on some site called Hi5, and has been chatting it up as recent as last week. So back to square one. 

I have to do something this time, I just feel so trapped. I cannot continue like this though, supporting a man financially while he cheats on me. 

Feeling crazily overwhelmed. My stupid blind love makes it so hard to walk away.:scratchhead:


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

You have your concrete evidence. He cheats on you. It is not even like you need him....you provide AND support you both. He is a leech. I really don't have a lot to say other than you need to dig deep and find some self esteem and self confidence and self respect. No doubt he has leeched away what little you had of those also.

Get into counselling.

Stop paying him to do nothing for his family and cheat on you. You are allowing him, paying for him, and enabling him to do all of this to you. He is the arse, but you are allowing it. Completely. Helping him to do all this. Asking him to do it by your total compliance. 

Counselling.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

CLP said:


> Well... Here I am months later in the same boat all over again. My husband worked for like two months, then got laid off.
> 
> He apologized, gave me is online passwords, and now I've discovered he has created new accounts. He is on some site called Hi5, and has been chatting it up as recent as last week. So back to square one.
> 
> ...


You love him, right? Really, truly love him? OK. I get that. I really do.

Incidentally, there's a song about falling in love with someone you shouldn't have... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=terg_LPT3X0 (Hmm. Just triggered myself then, thinking about a former girl friend!)

But if you love him, do you really want to allow him to be what he is, now? Someone who is a loser? Someone who disrespects you and, by extension, disrespects himself, too?

*Stop allowing him to act like the prize arse that he is!*

Then, perhaps, he can learn to be what he has the potential to be, a good, worthwhile human. Because at present he is not that, at all. Is he?:scratchhead:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

^^^ what he said


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## CLP (Oct 12, 2012)

I set up a counseling session for tomorrow. Hoping it helps me with the confidence I need to make these steps. 

I was able to hack into the hi5 account, and hubby found me logged in reading the messages last night. We had some heated dialog, and deleted the account. I know he has other means. He just messes with my head. 

Thanks for the advice, my first plan of action is counseling. I think I personally need help to make the right steps and have accountability.


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