# Is getting angry normal?



## bitter99 (Apr 25, 2012)

Hi, I'm new and have looked around a little. Marriage of 10 years has turned a bit sour and yes to sum it up I feel bitter about it. I will try to be objectional but its what I could think up for a name. Please dont hate me too much for it. 

A few years back my husband started turning me down for sex. Saying hes trying to read (thats how he goes to sleep), too tired and needs his sleep. Needless to say I got a bit fusterated and horney. I felt very regected (hes not been like that before) and figured maybe he was just tired, and to try again another time. It went on for some time. Then he started comeing to me for sex at times when I'm not horney or turned on at all. I told him that I'm not in the mood but.. ok (basically offering him a quicky while we can make time for it). Then he insisted on going down on me, to my suprize but how many people would turn that down? When I start to get warmed up he stops, gets up and acts like I've forced him to do hard work for hours (rubbing his jaw, streching his back). He gets angry at me (at first he wont look me in the face) for not finishing by now and starts a fight. 

I was emotionally crushed. We agured, it ended with me yelling 'I dont ever want you to go down on me again!' Me rolling over wanting to cry and going to sleep.

I had told him I wasnt in the mood. I have NEVER asked him to go down on me, he actually insisted. It had not been that long. His deameaner disgusts me, how put off he was and acting like he did hours of painfull labor. It was 20 mins tops, but what do you expcet when someones not, nor do you warm them up at all!?! And then to be angry at me for it! I would never force someone to do that, let alone want them to do anything that made them uncomefortable let alone painfull!

This incident happened about 3 years ago. Saddly it was not the last, true he hasnt pulled this in a long time but now every time I feel pressure to 'preform'. I kinda swept it under the rug at first, then it happened again and again. I am so ashamed. When we first got together he told me he never wanted me to fake it. Now I'm tempted to.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

No getting angry is NOT normal.

What does he think, that you can orgasm on command? Your husband needs to relax and enjoy the ride. Sex is fun all by itself (or at least should be), perhaps if he relaxed and enjoyed himself (while showing you a little more passion) you'd go faster... and if not at least you'd all be having fun and enjoy loving one another.

Amazingly enough I've never got my wife sexually satisfied by yelling at her.


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## bitter99 (Apr 25, 2012)

I dont know what hes thinking, but it almost seemed like he was trying to pick a fight.

Passion is definately a nice thing. A little bit of foreplay before expecting someone to orgasim is also. Then again expecting an O especially in time constraints sounds counter productive. I'm seriously haveing trouble forgiving this.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Have you talked to him? Does he know he's being a jerk about this?

If you don't confront him on it, and get some resolution then you'll just get more resentment.


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## bitter99 (Apr 25, 2012)

Yes we have talked about it. I've even been calm, detached and rational. At least at first untill he is unreasonable and pushes me to the point where I'm close to blow up and I have to walk away. I'm to the point talkings useless. Walls listen better. 

He thinks hes justifyed because 'I took too long' and it always leads to another fight. I am bitter part because there is no resolution. Ever. He always thinks he is right. Theres always some excuse on his part for why he is justifyed and why its ok. I could do the same thing but I'd be wrong, and thered be no excuse.


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## bitter99 (Apr 25, 2012)

Thank you LadyFrog, sometimes its just nice to feel valid. Like I'm not insane for feeling having feelings.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

You two need some counseling, I'd recommend seeing a sex therapist. My wife and I have had some good luck with ours and we started 4 weeks ago now.

You should give him a metaphor next time he talks about you taking too long.

Tell him something like: a good woman is like good wine, they both take a while to complete but are oh so worth it. 

LOL best I could come up with on the spur of the moment.


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## bitter99 (Apr 25, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> ((hug))


LadyFrog ((hugs)) (hope you dont mind me being lazy and abreaviating your name) 



Browncoat He competely refuses counsling. Any meantion of it immeadiately causes a fight. 

I know we need help, to work through this. Ignoreing our problems and blameing isnt getting us anywhere. Maybe he thinks its some sort of scapegoat I dont understand. But I really think we (or at least I) need some sort of councling.


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