# when to leave or stay



## rachelwolf253 (Jun 8, 2020)

I have felt since my daughter was born a year & half ago my husband kinda checked out and didnt wanna be around to be a husband and father. he’s extremely rude and just a major ass and thinks it’s ok to say hurtful things just because, and say sorry after and expect me to forget about it. recently he switched jobs and things got worse and I keep telling him things aren’t ok and they need to change, and he just blows me off and acts like nothing happened and we’re fine but we aren’t and multiple people in and around our lives can attest to that, I don’t feel happy anymore and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like i’ve said in as many ways i can i’m not happy but he isn’t hearing me, I don’t know if I want to stay woth him or try to save the marriage...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Have you considered that you yourself might have post natal depression which sometimes can be hard to deal with?
Your H sounds like an ass. Do you have any form of support apart from him? Do you have any other mothers support group you can attend and get out of the house? What about family?
Stop doing anything for him. Tell him if he keeps blowing you off then you are moving home to your mothers/sisters, etc. He sounds obtuse and wants to rug sweep.
Having a baby can really put alot of pressure on a marriage. Was the baby planned for?


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

rachelwolf253 said:


> I have felt since my daughter was born a year & half ago my husband kinda checked out and didnt wanna be around to be a husband and father.


May you expand on this a little more? From personal experience, as well as hundreds of other experiences I've read about, this runs the gamut from "husband didn't empty the dishwasher before going to work" to the quintessential " husband doesn't want help out _at all_."



> he’s extremely rude and just a major ass and thinks it’s ok to say hurtful things just because, and say sorry after and expect me to forget about it.


_Sigh_ respect is a two-way street. As someone dissolving a 8.5-year marriage to a verbally abusive, gaslighting narcissist, I'm not saying you're _either _of those things, however, without hearing his side of the story on this one, and drawing from my personal experience, can you _honestly_ say you've never taken part in the escalation of vitriol during arguments?



> recently he switched jobs and things got worse


As someone else mentioned, could this be part of his stress/edginess? How is the new working environment? Furthermore, for the sake or argument, what is your working status?



> and I keep telling him things aren’t ok and they need to change, and he just blows me off and acts like nothing happened and we’re fine but we aren’t and multiple people in and around our lives can attest to that, I don’t feel happy anymore and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like i’ve said in as many ways i can i’m not happy but he isn’t hearing me, I don’t know if I want to stay woth him or try to save the marriage...


So, you personally need *individual counseling* to work on _you_. As far as your marriage, it's certainly savable at this point with *marriage counseling*. Your attempts at reaching him personally have not been successful so it's time to get a counselor involved before it's too late.


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