# trip to Canada



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

I am getting a little paranoid and just need to check in somewhere. My ex just sent an email. She's telling me she filed papers asking permission to take the kids to Canada for a vacation. She talked about doing this earlier this year. I thought this was fine until I read the second piece. She writes that she is now changing her name. She had kept my name for the last 2.5 years and now that she wants to take kids to Canada, she wants to change her name too. I don't know if I'm just overly sensitive, but hearing that together makes me wonder if there is something else going on. I have a hard time imagining that she would leave the house and go to Canada. :scratchhead:


----------



## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

This does sound like a funny thing to do at one time.

Has she got an internet boyfriend in Canada who she's going to visit?

What is her connection to that place?

I'd have thought there are plenty of places in the states with the same scenery as Canada, so what possible attractions is she going to visit?


----------



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

Sandfly said:


> This does sound like a funny thing to do at one time.
> 
> Has she got an internet boyfriend in Canada who she's going to visit?
> 
> ...


I am not aware of any boyfriend. I know she has nostalgia of having taken trips to Canada when she was a kid with her parents. She said something about Niagra falls and Montreal.


----------



## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

You know she has nostalgia. Bear with me on this:

Did you know, had she expressed, any nostaligia for the place long before you broke up?

Or is it just recent. 

When did you first hear of her connection to that place.


----------



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

Sandfly said:


> You know she has nostalgia. Bear with me on this:
> 
> Did you know, had she expressed, any nostaligia for the place long before you broke up?
> 
> ...


Many years ago while we were married. This is nothing new. But anytime_ I think_ she's taking my kids from me, I get very defensive.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Do you have an reason to think she's going to take the kids away from you?

You can certainly ask for a full itinerary and ask the kids to call every night to fill you in on all of the sights they are seeing and fun they are having.


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Are one of the kids old enough to get a prepaid cell phone?


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

7, 10 and 13 from another post. I'm guessing the 13 y/o daughter has one? I think that is old enough that, should they be forced to stay somewhere, she would contact the local authorities. I know I could not take mine away and not return - she would tell a police officer she had been a victim of parental kidnapping. 

I don't think at that age you need to worry. IF they were toddlers, that's different but with one a teen, I don't see there's an issue. Just ask for an itinerary of where they will be staying on which days and ask to be called (or call) every night.


----------



## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

So she has a proper connection to the place, and your kids know who they are now, so this sounds better.


----------



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

Thanks for the idea of asking for an itinerary. That should work. The oldest has a cell phone (I pay the bill-so it will have minute), so, we can stay in touch.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Mrlonelyhearts said:


> I am getting a little paranoid and just need to check in somewhere. My ex just sent an email. She's telling me she filed papers asking permission to take the kids to Canada for a vacation. She talked about doing this earlier this year. I thought this was fine until I read the second piece. She writes that she is now changing her name. She had kept my name for the last 2.5 years and now that she wants to take kids to Canada, she wants to change her name too. I don't know if I'm just overly sensitive, but hearing that together makes me wonder if there is something else going on. I have a hard time imagining that she would leave the house and go to Canada. :scratchhead:


She can't take the kids to Canada without your permission. 
If old enough and mature enough to have a discussion about parental abduction and what to do, have the discussion... Also cell phone & a GPS locator device just in case...
If you're really not comfortable with the trip, you don't have to consent to it. Furthermore, you can put your kids on a list with the State Department to prevent them being taken out of the country (and elsewhere from there) without your permission. Lastly, Canada participates in the Hague Convention, unlike China. But it's possible to go to somewhere else from Canada, to countries without Hague Convention, i.e. China. 

Your concerns seem legitimate. If the kids are young, I would not let them go. 

I think she is going to have to wait for a new passport and papers, etc. if she's going to change her name. Do the kids have passports, or whatever travel card is required to go to Canada? You can't get a passport even without both parents present, or a lot of paperwork.

I sent my eldest to China several times to visit his dad. Also once to Finland. He always came back, but I made sure to prep him for parental (and other) abduction. Because of his dad's job, even if his dad didn't keep him there, there was a risk of kidnapping. After a while, it just gets to be a way of life, but honestly, there are lots of kids in the world who are savvy about kidnapping/abduction and what to do...they are trained because they are at risk. It's not overkill to do this. Ever.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

A year ago the ex mentioned to me that she would be taking the kids to the USA for a weekend away with her sister. Part of a Christmas gift she received from her family, she of course had no idea a letter was required.

I thought it over, knowing that she was also involved with someone online down south. The thing is, I already had plans in the works to take the kids across in the summer with family. So it was either some to terms with idea of her possibly going to some guys house with the kids or not consent to the travel and lose the chance to travel myself.

She came over and we wrote out a letter, dated and signed it.

About 6 or so months later I picked the kids up for my time with them and they dropped the bombs on me. They informed me of their trip to meet their mothers "friend" etc, I said nothing about it to my ex until a week later.

When we talked on the phone, I told her it was my right to know when my children left the province and that I was able to get a hold of them in the event of an emergency. She started to banter about me just wanting to know what she as doing in her personal life, I left it at that and hung the phone up.

Our divorce isn't final yet, so it's still open for revision. I fired off an e-mail to my lawyer letting her know I wanted a required notice given to the other parent in the event the children are taken on trips. Along with contact information.

About 3 months later I was given notice via the online calendar we use that the kids would be going across the border; address and number were given. All I did was an online search of the info and it lined up with the info I dug up in the past with the OM.

I didn't reply, I just wrote the information down and left it at that. It's your right as a parent to know where your kids are going, so it's good that she's informing you. Get emergency numbers that they can be contacted at, even if one of your kids has a phone.

Make sure you don't abuse it.


----------

