# "It was only a kiss"



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

I see many of us betrayed often have to contend with what is the first line of 'defence' "it was only" 

The kiss for me is a huge blind side for many of us - we often readily accept this line without a second thought (mmm well at least it did'nt go as far as it could have, we hang on to that thought don't we) 

Lets face it, a kiss, a warm, long sensuous kiss that might lead to a PA is the opening real physical gambit but because it can be fleeting and lack grunting sweaty overtly passionate and orgasmic overtones is put way down the list of betrayal devices.

It's number one imo. Without it there would be no sudden 'closeness' no intimacy, nothing further to continue.

It cements what until then has been largely an emotional attachment

How many of you still feel it was "only a kiss" and are kinda 'happy' with that explanation ?

For me it opens the door the portal to the eventual destruction of your marriage

For me there is no such thing as "only a kiss"


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Why you separate kiss only?
Even a look, an inviting look, or a talk, or smile could be as bad as a kiss if not worse.
A is A be it emotional or physical.
IMO.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Mr Brightside lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Headspin said:


> Lets face it, a kiss, a warm, long sensuous kiss that might lead to a PA is the opening real physical gambit but because it can be fleeting and lack grunting sweaty overtly passionate and orgasmic overtones is put way down the list of betrayal devices.
> 
> It's number one imo. Without it there would be no sudden 'closeness' no intimacy, nothing further to continue.
> 
> ...


I agree totally. IMO, saying it was just a kiss is bull donkey. The kiss is sometime more sensual than the act itself and it always leads to the act. 

You don't for example kiss your grandma sensually?

A kiss is a physically sexual act.


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## Zippy the chimp (May 15, 2012)

For me a kiss is very personal (no not like kissing your grandmother)
same as a bj, or oral on a woman. The sex act itself is very primal instinctive, a kiss however is emotional, a chance to look into someone's eyes and communicate your passion and desire for them.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

In my case my wife on D-day and for a about a week after D-day she said we only kissed. My BIL told me that a kiss is cheater code for "we had sex". My BIL was correct.

Had my wife just kissed the OM and I was able to verify that I would be in a much better place today. Not saying she would have gotten a pass but having gone to a full blown PA is tough to work through.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Zippy the chimp said:


> For me a kiss is very personal (no not like kissing your grandmother)
> same as a bj, or oral on a woman. The sex act itself is very primal instinctive, a kiss however is emotional, a chance to look into someone's eyes and communicate your passion and desire for them.


Exactly. 

For example men have told me that prostitutes don't usually kiss their clients. 

A kiss is a very emotional personal way of sharing oneself.

And, yep, "we just kissed" is likely cheater code for "we had sex"

My STBEH initially tried to claim it was just a kiss, but I had email proof otherwise.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

At the start of any relationship isn't the kiss a sign that you're involved enough emotionally that you willingly want to pursue things to the next level.The intent was there and "it was only a kiss" was one of the go signs to secure fulfilling that intent.The cheater is either in complete denial or minimizing in a self-serving way if they say this to their spouse.jmo


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> I think you listened to that Killers song too much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_












Totally what I was thinking. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> I think you listened to that Killers song too much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I started singing it when i saw the title :rofl:

A kiss is cheating in my world.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So I cheated on my wife... I've never denied that on here, although I left my marriage without her finding out.

But... After I cheated on my wife, I pushed for counselling. We went to a few sessions, but nothing changed as far as my thoughts to end the marriage. But one day I got a text that said something like "I've got something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you about when it happened...". At the time, my first thought was that I hoped she had cheated, as it would be that much easier to end things.

Her confession though was that one of her friends had kissed her about a year prior. I never liked this guy, and them spending time together caused my only moments of jealousy or questioning of her actions, although I ended up shoving down those thoughts when they happened. 

When she told me about the kiss, I didn't laugh at her, but in my mind I was thinking "WTF? Why are you so bent out of shape about this?". It wasn't till this spring that I remembered the conversation and said "Hey!". . So what do you guys figure? Was it just a kiss? She did go over to this guy's place multiple times without me. He is married, and sometimes my wife would take the kids (<3 at the time), sometimes by herself. She always said the guy's wife was there, but if I question the kiss, all bets are off, right?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

To a woman,
A kiss is deeply emotional.That's why prostitutes never kiss clients on the mouth.
My wife always tells me that she loves the way we kiss.
From the very first kiss, a woman decides if and when she is going to have sex with a man.
If he knows how to kiss , he could take her beyond the point of no return with the very first kiss. A woman never leaves home saying to herself, " tonight i'm going to have a one night stand." If she lock lips with such a man ,then everything else is a blur. She comes back to reality when she is pulling back up her underwear,and buttoning her blouse. 
God forbid the day should come when my wife tells me:
" It was just a kiss....."


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> To a woman,
> A kiss is deeply emotional.That's why prostitutes never kiss clients on the mouth.
> My wife always tells me that she loves the way we kiss.
> From the very first kiss, a woman decides if and when she is going to have sex with a man.
> ...


It's interesting this because since I made this thread I've got to thinking about some fabulous moments when my wife and I spent 10/15 minutes just kissing in a sexual but sensuous way that did not end up in sex and it was fantastic and gave me an inner satisfaction that was maybe deeper and warmer than after sex - I dunno, it definitely felt different in an intimate and contented way

Maybe that's just me - its actually quite hard to define.

I know there's no such thing tho as "only a kiss"


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wow! "It was only a kiss!" I wonder how well that defence would work in other situations?

"Well, officer, I considered it wasn't _really_ a robbery as I only took half of the money out of the wallet."

Yeah, that'd work!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

"It was ONLY a kiss"...

...well then, "Its ONLY a divorce".


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

"It was only a kiss"?

more like.....

"It was only a selfish act that undermines everything our relationship has been built on from day one."


Sure, it gets worse than "a kiss"... but to deny the damage that can be caused by something so (seemingly) 
simple is pure ignorance, and shows a complete disregard for the feelings of the OP.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

F-102 said:


> "It was ONLY a kiss"...
> 
> ...well then, "Its ONLY a divorce".


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

A kiss is also cheating.

If you walk in on your SO in a lip lock with another person, that fir me is an immediate exSO.

So a kiss , isn't just a kiss. It's also the end of a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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