# Part-time Father...I'm frustrated!



## barbie1 (Aug 26, 2012)

We were having issues with our 19 yr old son. I told my husband that I wanted to go to a counsellor to discuss this because we were not agreeing to what 'consequences' my son should have based on some inappropriate behaviour he was having and how we could both be on the same 'page' and how to deal with this. I arranged for a meeting with a counsellor on Friday at 2pm.

I told my husband that I wanted to also meet with our son and my husband for a family 'meeting'. My son and husband agreed 
(on Wednesday) to meet at home at 5:30pm on Friday after work.

We attended the meeting with the counsellor and got some clarification between the two of us on how to proceed with our son. We met between 2-3 and as soon as we left the counsellor's door he got on his phone for talk with a client. We had not time to discuss the results of the counselling session at all (all I wanted was 5 minutes of his time and asked for it before we went into the session). I drove him back to his work while he talked on the phone and when I asked him when he was going to be home he just motioned saying he would call me.


My husband calls me at 5pm and said he couldn't make it because of a work issue. Then he said "well I already talked with him before and why do we need to get together with him as two of us anyways". I paused and said NOTHING for 5 seconds and then said "Was the counselling session we just had a waste of time?. The counsellor said that it was a GREAT idea." I held my breath and said I had to go because I couldn't talk right now (because I was so angry) and hung up." 

He knew this was important to me. His work issue was that his boss had scheduled an interview with a prospective work candidate and he was still in the interview 
(which he dd not communicate to me).

I called him back after five minutes of calming down and he said why don't you come to my work and we'll meet there. 
I agreed. He didn't tell my son that the plans had changed (my son works with him) and when we called him into the 'meeting' 
in the boardroom at his workplace, he screamed and yelled at me for disrespecting him by having it at work and not at home. 
I tried to defend myself by saying ...your father was the one who switched the meeting, not me...my husband's response to him was "yeah I know, It's always my fault".

My husband knows that I have been complaining about his long hours and how he works too much and plays hockey twice
a week (and after hockey is out until after midnight with his friends) and never is home during the week. I feel that he is now 'scheduling' our family issues in between his work
like one of his clients by having that meeting at work. My son was horrified at having the meeting at his work and
I agreed with my son. I had ASSUMED wrongly that he actually had told my son that we were meeting at work rather than
at home.

My husband claims that when he called me at 5 to tell me he had a work issues that he suggested we meet at 6:30pm. I do 
NOT recall him saying that...all I heard was "well I already talked with him before and why do we need to get together 
with him as two of us anyways." Now I'm doubting my own sanity as usual. This is a common occurence. All I recall is
when I called him back that he suggested we meet at his work at 5:30.

BTW, I went home alone after the session with my son and husband (which did accomplish soem things), went to bed at midnight and he was still not home from work. He finally came to bed at 3am.


I guess I have to accept that I have a 'weekend' only husband due to his work committments and his hockey schedule.

He just doesn't get it. I asked him to please spend more time with us and the kids (and to help parent our three teenage boys), but work and hockey always takes precedence over me.

Recently I asked him to attend a BBQ in our area on Thursday night but his response to me was "Do you want me to get fat? That's my hockey night and if I don't get some exercise...I will get fat." But then when he finished hockey he goes out drinking to wee hours of the morning with his hockey buddies.

I told him I invited him to the BBQ to be with HIM...not to get him fat...and I was hurt by his comment. This is not the first time he has said this to me.

I love him but at times I just can't take this anymore.....and I don't want to leave because my three teenage children are more important than my own happiness at this point.


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

He is not into his family life..Sad situation. A person will make time for things that makes them happy. And right now our husband is not happy at home with you and the family.


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