# 9 Wks Pregnant and Unhappy In Marraige



## adora (Mar 19, 2009)

Hi. Thanks for reading my post. I am 9 weeks pregnant and very sick all the time. I throw up and can't keep food/liquids down. The only thing that makes me feel better is when I lay down. I no longer am doing housework because of how ill I feel all the time. I am working but only half the hours I was before. My doc tried 2 meds to help me but nothing is working.
I cry all the time and am very unhappy. My husband doesn't support me at all. All he does is sleep and doesn't help with ANYTHING around the house. The laundry isn't done, the bathroom is messy and the only reason we have food in the house is because I forced myself to the market while sick. I married him after knowing him under a year. I am unhappy with him in so many ways. He is lazy, doesn't express emotions, doesn't talk to me..
If I wasn't pregnant I'd find a way to leave. I told him I was going to leave and he said "if you want to leave I support your decision"! I'm so scared. I'm boxed into a corner and don't know what to do. I don't want this baby and I don't want to be married. I don't even feel I love him. Ihave no support, no family or friends to talk to. Please help?


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## picabu (Mar 11, 2009)

my heart goes out to you!!!! I feel your pain. I went thru a similar situation with my first pregnancy. I had a very unsupportive baby daddy (wasn't married but living together & engaged). fortunately I did not have any sickness but did end up with toximia & delivered by emergency c-section at 32 weeks. I was also hospitalized for severe depression midway through. I was fortunate enough to have a strong support system of family & friends that I was able to surround myself with.

you need to at least try to find a support group in your area. ask your ob/gyn for some recomendations. being on here you will get plenty of support, but there is no replacement for close personal contact that you clearly are lacking and need at this sensitive time.

does he want this pregnancy??? he sounds like an insensitive jerk.

i wish the best for you, stay strong & keep your head up. hopefully the sickness will subside soon.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi there.. .been there too, twice. You are stronger than you know. Reach out and people will be there. Find new freinds, PM us here, we'll be happy to talk to you all you need. Take care of yourself and the little one... HUGS...


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## Ready To Give Up (Feb 7, 2009)

I have been in your exact shoes last summer. Having support definitely helps! Your H sounds like the exact replicate of my partner!! The only thing that caught his attention was seperation. I seperated from my kid's dad when I was 8 weeks pregnant and we are trying to work things out but we are still no longer living together(our baby is 1 month old now). Sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom before changes will happen unfortunately


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

have you asked him to do the laundry? clean up? etc?

While you are going through major hormonal changes right now, I would not give up on the marriage, you need to communicate to him, he is going through alot of Mental anquish as well, This is all new for him and does not know how to react.

Communicate, 9 weeks your morning sickness should fade soon. It's normal for some pregancies.


Congrats on the baby, but it's still early.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

You say he sleeps all the time, does he work? have a job? Something very tiring that would make him that tired?


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

Your sickness is very normal, I went thru it with my 2 kids, and with my 1st one I had it for all 9 months, i was lucky that my H was sensible enough and got sick with me (psychology is great) and he knew exactly what I was feeling. I could not even be in a car without a bag for emergencies. In most case you will start feeling better soon.

Have you ask him to please help you with the chores while you are sick? Does he want the baby? or did you got pregnant by accident? If was by accident then the 2 of you need to learn about the changes that are coming, which are many. If it was planned then he is a jerk, he should help you more. If you planned and he is being an insensitive jerk, then I will agree with RTGU, and just leave, please don't do anything you may regret later regarding the baby, just hang on tight, you are stronger that you think and you can do it. 

Find a support group ASAP and if you have somewhere to go, then just separate from your H, to see if he really cares. 

Good luck,

la Bella


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## picabu (Mar 11, 2009)

adora,

please keep us posted. we are all concerned for your well being.


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

I was nauseous throughout most of my pregnancy and there's nothing that feels worse. In the morning I ate crackers, I kept them on my nightstand. I also bought "Sea-Bands" they worked. Google it.

*hugs*


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i was single throughout my first pregnancy (we had split up b 4 i found out i was preg). ok hard at times, fun at times. but i enjoyed my baby everystep of the way despite my own constant vomiting .
i certainly wouldnt stay in your relationship. if hes like this now. you wil feel more alone than ever after the baby. 
atleast now if you left. you can reduce that stress of an unhappy marriage to yourself and reduce stress on the baby.
enjoy him ( your baby)


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## Ready To Give Up (Feb 7, 2009)

I am going to have to agree with Justean, this is just a glimpse of what life will be like if you stay. I tried everything to get my partner motivated to help out more around the house and with the kids while I had SEVERE morning sickness and nothing got through to his thick skull. You can't control someone, he has to WANT to do it. To me he sounds like he could be suffering from depression himself where he can't see past his own misery, he's too absorbed in himself to do anything for anyone. It's very selfish of him to get married, get you pregnant and not even lift a finger around the house. I am not even going to say he should be "helping" you out because then that's saying that it's YOUR job and he's helping you do your job where it should be shared responsibilities. He should feel responsible for taking part in running a household, but he doesn't. 

Have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel and see what happens. If nothing changes I would move out and start focussing on you and the health of your baby. If he wants to jump aboard and take responsibility for his actions then that is great but if he doesn't lift a finger there should be consequences! 

I know exactly how you feel and it really is tough. All you wnat is your partner to care enough to support you. 

We have 3 children and so far being seperated is the only thing that has worked for us. I like a tidy house, he couldn't care less and just leaves his stuff laying everywhere. I live in my place and have it the way I want it and he lives in his, and his place is filthy! I told him, I just cna't live like that and WON'T live like that. It seems like such a petty thing to break a family apart over but in reality...it's not!

Best of luck to you!


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## adora (Mar 19, 2009)

Hi everyone! Thank you for all your excellent replies! A lot to think about.
Yes I did ask him to help and his excuse is "I don't know where stuff goes". 
Being at the end of my rope, yesterday I just sat on the floor sick and comanded him to start cleaning stuff. After a few sighs and hisses he actually did everything I asked!! I was amazed. We had a long talk and he is going to try harder. But we'll have to just wait and see. Words are stronger than actions.
But thanks again everyone! I just sat here, cried and read all the great posts. Take care and I'll keep in touch!


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