# Is Pregnancy An Excuse?



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Should pregnant women be allowed to treat their loved ones like sh!t because they are "hormonal"? Pregnancy is something I will never experience, so it is hard for me to understand. 

My former best friend recently had a son. She already has an eight month old daughter. She lives in her mom's house with her babydaddy and her kids. The man only recently started working; he is very lazy. I stopped talking to her because she sent me a very nasty and self-centred message. She never even apologized, just gave the old "I was pregnant and hormonal" excuse. I don't approve of having babies while on welfare and I have grown weary of the constant drama which comes with my friend's bad choices. I hated having to pretend I liked a lowlife bum who sponges off of my friend and the government.

I was once on welfare because I had to leave my parent's abusive home. I never dared to become pregnant while using taxpayer's money and I always worked while I was receiving assistance. I even went to university! I have no problem with people using the system until they get back on their feet. 
I ignored her calls for more than a month. She was calling very frequently and leaving messages. When this woman had her son a few days ago, I finally returned her call to congratulate her so that she would get off my back. No apologies, just excuses. 

Sometimes when friends move to a different stage of life, it is hard to maintain a friendship because the two people no longer have anything in common. I am not a mother, so I cannot really sympathize with her struggles. I think it would be best if we just moved on without each other. I have other friends who are parents, but those people treat me with respect. They are also very well rounded, so we can find some common ground because they are not defined solely by having kids. I love my former best friend and I wish her all the best. I just can't deal with the entitled attitude and watching two innocent children grow up in poverty because their parents are too stupid to use BC.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I was hormonal but I also had self control.

She's just angry at you and bitter. But you know this


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

First.... people on welfare.. as you have proven.... are tax payers as well. Maybe not all of them... not sure about your friend but there are taxpayers on welfare as well. Now... not everyone starts off with such bad luck when they have kids but they do sometimes fall into the poverty category for one reason or another. Being pregnant and hormonal does cause some of us women to act ... crazy i guess... but to deny that behavior(despite what caused it) toward you.. didn't deserve an apology is wrong imo. She could have admitted that she was wrong to treat you that way instead of blaming it on the pregnancy and thinking it's ok to not say sorry.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

No, hormones are no excuse to go apeshyte on anyone. She wasn't being honest with you. I have a friend I stopped talking to for some similar drama because I'm done with her antics. The difference is, my friend won't call me. She knows exactly how I feel and doesn't want to hear it. That's okay with me though, life goes on. 

I suspect you shining a light on her ignorance is the real reason she snapped, but she will never own that truth.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

We grow out of some friends...it's hard, but it's true. You've outgrown her. Let her go.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, this friend keeps making babies while living her her mother's home AND her man does NOTHING. lol. It's not someone I could stay friends with. TOTALLY different mindset.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

As I mature I've decided to no longer judge how others choose to live their lives. I didn't live their life, haven't had their background and likely if I did I'd probably act the same as they do. I have enough problems of my own without concerning myself with what others are or aren't doing right in their lives.

Having said that I do absolutely get to choose who I'm friends with as I do believe you are who your friends are. In this case I'd wish her well and I'd let her go. I don't have time for that kind of drama in my life.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Sadly, many women use pregnancy as an excuse for many different things. My favorite is 'eating for two'. As far as the hormonal b!tchiness, let me know how that works for ya is always a good comeback.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Well, this friend keeps making babies while living her her mother's home AND her man does NOTHING. lol. It's not someone I could stay friends with. TOTALLY different mindset.


:iagree::iagree:

I feel so guilty for turning my back. However, there isn't any more that I can do for someone who wants to mess up their life. I also do not appreciate the entitled attitude just because she was "pregnant and hormonal." I posted this thread because I was wondering if I was not being sympathetic enough about what pregnancy can do to a woman's mind.

I wouldn't have returned her call if she didn't have a baby. I also wanted to give this woman a chance to explain herself.

People on welfare do NOT pay taxes while they are receiving assistance where I'm from. I don't think it is fair to keep having babies while receiving government assistance.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> My favorite is 'eating for two'.


lol my own spouse reminds me i need to eat for two... as it is.. i barely eat enough for 1. No I don't do that on purpose... i'm just more focused on the other kids, cleaning, ect and tend to forget myself alot.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Or living in your mom's house rent free with a freeloading man and complaining that your mom has rules. LOL


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Sure she is not ENTITLED to treat you like crap.. that i agree with. If she gets a bit bytchy due to hormones... that is understandable BUT that does NOT mean she shouldn't have to apoligize when she's in the wrong. As far as taxes ... your telling me that while you were working.. they never took taxes out of your check? You never had to pay taxes on food? Well... probably not on food if someone has foodstamps... but if someone is working their butt off at a job they receive a check for... they normally pay taxes whether they want to or not.. at least where i have been they do. Then again... I haven't come across a situation where people NEVER pay taxes in any way shape or form.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Or living in your mom's house rent free with a freeloading man and complaining that your mom has rules. LOL


That... just sounds stupid.... lmao. I don't mean to be offensive toward your friend but.... not having to pay anything? Really? How do they get money? From her mother? You said they don't work right?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> As I mature I've decided to no longer judge how others choose to live their lives. I didn't live their life, haven't had their background and likely if I did I'd probably act the same as they do. I have enough problems of my own without concerning myself with what others are or aren't doing right in their lives.
> 
> Having said that I do absolutely get to choose who I'm friends with as I do believe you are who your friends are. In this case I'd wish her well and I'd let her go. I don't have time for that kind of drama in my life.


I have seen several people who were raised in similar circumstances as my ex-friend. Most of them took steps to get out of poverty and try to obtain education. 

Life is about _choices_-10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond. 

I choose not to let my abusive childhood ruin my life-why can't my ex-friend make better choices for herself and her children?

We all concern ourselves with people that we love and care about; it has nothing to do with maturity.

I have reached a stage in my life where I want to be happy and positive. I spent eight years struggling with severe emotional difficulties which stemmed from being abused for many years. Now that I am in my thirties, I want this decade to be happier and more settled. This means that I cannot allow drama and negativity to poison my life. Let my former best friend alienate others with her immature choices and nasty attitude. I'm done! :smthumbup:


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Sure she is not ENTITLED to treat you like crap.. that i agree with. If she gets a bit bytchy due to hormones... that is understandable BUT that does NOT mean she shouldn't have to apoligize when she's in the wrong. As far as taxes ... your telling me that while you were working.. they never took taxes out of your check? You never had to pay taxes on food? Well... probably not on food if someone has foodstamps... but if someone is working their butt off at a job they receive a check for... they normally pay taxes whether they want to or not.. at least where i have been they do. Then again... I haven't come across a situation where people NEVER pay taxes in any way shape or form.


No.

I clearly stated that _those on welfare who are not working do not pay taxes on their cheques. _ We do not have food stamps in this country.  Most welfare receipients go to food banks or receive help from family. 

Remember, I live in Canada. The social assistance rules are different.

They were paying her mom $500 a month-for two babies and two adults who refuse to work. When her mother rightfully tried to raise the rent because a new baby was coming, the woman I am talking about became very upset and self-righteous. Yeah, her Mommy should just let this person live with her for precious little and support a healthy young man who wants to sleep all day. :rofl: The audacity!

I am not perfect or all knowing. However, I do not make choices which make no sense whatsoever, nor do I expect my parents to support me in any way. I am an adult for chrissakes.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Most of them took steps to get out of poverty and try to obtain education.


Cant seem to wrap my head around why someone wouldn't take these steps... or .. in that girls post.... how someone could live with no responsibilities....


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> No.
> 
> I clearly stated that _those on welfare who are not working do not pay taxes. _ We do not have foodstamps in this province.
> 
> Remember, I live in Canada. The social assistance rules are different.


Sorry.. I obviously missed where you said those who are not working....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Which is why I couldn't remain friends with someone with this attitude. It's the exact opposite of my own. Even more so, she is the type of person that I loathe.

(I know the story here, so I'm not assuming)


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

It is very hard to maintain a friendship once the respect is gone. I don't know how I put up with it for so long. I HATE people who sit on the dole and pop out kids. I have always worked or attended school to better my life. My therapist says that I have tried very hard not to be a victim of my circumstances and that is why it hurt me so much to watch someone I care about ruin her life.

Immigration sent her babydaddy a deportation order. Canada does not like immigrants who do not contribute to society and commit crimes. My parents came here forty years ago with NOTHING. Both of them worked, paid taxes and now they have a beautiful home. I credit my parents for giving me a strong work ethic. They were too strict and abusive but that was only because they did not want me to end up like my former best friend.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

First year not everyone is as capable as you are. You have an inner strength that most people would love to have. You're assuming everyone has your fight, your spunk and tenacity but that's simply not the case. To judge others based on your strength is unfair.

The friend still needs to go though.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Mavash, you are a very wise person. I often respect what you have to say. 

Don't you think it is even MORE unfair that two babies have to suffer because of their mother?

This is about lack of accountability. I do judge GROWN ADULTS who keep putting themselves in bad situations. I also judge those who do not appreciate what loved ones have done for them. This woman is taking advantage of her mother and she has done the same to me. 

I am a very compassionate and caring woman. However, my patience runs out when people don't want to do better. For FIVE years, I've watched my former best friend ruin her life. I have donated two beds, given money, accompanied her to hospitals and supported her during her miscarriages, not to mention her daughter's premature birth. How patient and understanding would _you _would be after half a decade of nonsense? :scratchhead:

She does NOT "need to go through" these awful situations. She CHOOSES to, Mavash. This woman could have used BC, instead she has been pregnant six times. She could have continued to date men who were hardworking and mature, instead she rejected decent guys as "boring" and chose drug dealers and welfare bums. 

I am all out of sympathy.  Sorry if that makes me judgemental.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> This woman could have used BC, instead she has been pregnant six times.


In five years?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

No, she has been pregnant four times in five years. Two miscarriages and two live births. Before I knew her, she was pregnant twice and lost those babies too.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

I don't like the hormonal excuse and never used it. Yeah I would sometimes be extra irritable or emotional but when I was wrong I'd always say sorry.

I HATED when every time I was in a bad mood though my husband or a family member would say "it must be your hormones". That always rubbed me the wrong way!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I know that, daffodily. Believe me, I wouldn't be surprised at all.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Does Welfare in Canada even require it's partakers to do anything?

Here, and this is my personal experience, we have to work or go to school for at least 20 hours a week, and I believe the only exceptions are for those in need of expedited emergency assistance, I don't even think the disabled are excluded. (Although if they want to keep receiving benefits there are a number of things they must do).

Job training classes, educational classes are required, and I had to participate in those when I was between jobs after my motorcycle accident.

And people get checks there? Here we just get a card that we can only buy food with... I am aware that we have a cash assistance program, but I'm not sure how it works since I've never had it.

And yes, my husband works 40 hours a week and pays taxes while I care for our 2 month old baby. As soon as we work out some kind of childcare arrangement and transportation, I plan on going back to my old job. The ball is already in motion. 

And no - hormones are no excuse. They may make you grumpy, horny, giddy, depressed, irritated, etc. But they never make you choose words and say things you don't want to say. If you get short with someone, you apologize. Plain and simple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

daffodilly said:


> You know why she keeps having kids, right? More $$$ every month on the welfare cheque. You'd be surprised how many people do this as a source of income. It's disgusting.


:lol::lol: I ENVY these people!!! How do THEY manage to get all these benefits? I myself have two kids and one on the way but our case has been denied three times since we apparently made to much... and delayed for the fifth time recently. How is it some people get this help so damn easily while some of us struggling to get by get denied or get the run around? (I apoligize if this is off topicish... :/)


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Unless a welfare receipient has documented medical problems,they are required to participate in job search, seminars and aptitude tests. 

People get cheques, but they can sign part of the cheque to their landlords. 

This government is so messed up. They deny needy yet ambitious people funding for education, yet they pay for morons to keep having kids on the dole.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Wow, so people just get checks there? How does the government know whether or not they're going to cash them and go out and buy drugs and alcohol? That just seems insane to me! Are the people drug tested?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

You shouldn't use pregnancy as an excuse to be rude. I've been through it all in pregnancy (five pregnancies--1 miscarriage and 4 kids) with sickness, fatigue and crazy hormones. Just because you feel yucky doesn't give you an excuse to treat someone else badly.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Probably because they don't want to be supporting them on Welfare once they get out of prison... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

No reputable company is going to hire someone who has been convicted of a serious crime. Horrible Holmolka has a degree in _psychology_- This demon _gave her sister as her birthday present for her rapist boyfriend-the drugs ended up killing the poor kid._She also helped her man lure, torture and murder two more teens on tape. Grrrr...don't even get me started on that!

I texted this woman a message saying that we no longer have anything in common and I am not pleased that she offered no apology. She has finally stopped calling. :smthumbup: Good riddance. Hope she dumps the loser one day and raises her kids to be more sensible than her. 

My husband is far from perfect. He has done some mean and thoughtless things to me that I am still bitter about. However, he is trying to make amends and there is no way my husband would sit on his ass.


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