# Question about fetishes



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Would it be considered a fetish to only want to have sex with my wife in a certain way? I have difficulty getting aroused if I can't "see" her on top of me when we have sex. I can then visually focus in on her body parts that arouse me. It's even the same when I give her oral. Similar situation in my first marriage, just different body parts.

The missionary position, from behind, just about everything else other than her on top, either for PIV or oral, just doesn't do it for me. I'm willing to try, but it seems to be a mental thing with me.

Sex therapist?


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

badmemory said:


> Would it be considered a fetish to only want to have sex with my wife in a certain way? I have difficulty getting aroused if I can't "see" her on top of me when we have sex. I can then visually focus in on her body parts that arouse me. It's even the same when I give her oral. Similar situation in my first marriage, just different body parts.
> 
> The missionary position, from behind, just about everything else other than her on top, either for PIV or oral, just doesn't do it for me. I'm willing to try, but it seems to be a mental thing with me.
> 
> Sex therapist?


Would she be open to the use of mirrors so you can still see her in different positions? Maybe that could help?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

RavenWolf said:


> Would she be open to the use of mirrors so you can still see her in different positions? Maybe that could help?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE
> 
> Good idea.
> ...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

It's because you are a pig and objectify women... 

Seriously, I wouldn't think it's a fetish if the emphasis changes from woman to woman. Evidently your current wife has different "assets" that you really admire that are different from your former wife's "assets". When you say aroused, are you referring specifically to an erection or are you commenting more on how enthusiastic you are when having sex. Is it true that you can ONLY have sex when she's in cowgirl mode, and that if you tried to do it doggie style that you couldn't get hard? Sorry to be so graphic, just trying to understand.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

I dont think its a fetish either. Cuckold, hotwife, BDSM, dressing up in a furry costumes, wearing diapers.... those are fetishes. lol


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

It sounds more like a mental thing. Have you ever really tried to just close your eyes and really focus on the feelings, sensations, movements, rythms and nothing else ? Can you shut everything else out and really tune into yourself and your wife?


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

How would how know in zero gravity if she was on top or on the bottom? 

Perhaps you like being dominated? Her position on top of you is one of dominance.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

It seems to me to be more of a preference, but even with that, and fetishes as well, if you solely go to that 100% of the time, or suggest to her that this is the only thing that turns you on she will resent it after a while and you will regret it in some shape or form. Its way better to get into things that you both enjoy, you're a couple not a single.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I agree with roostr. It sounds like it would be very mechanical, hollow, very disconnected and unfullfilling. I'm sorry but I'm being honest. Maybe its just me but I would feel like your pleasure had very little to do with me, us or your feelings for me.....just the body part. I couldnt be ok with that, not likely to be able to get passed it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> It's because you are a pig and objectify women...
> 
> Seriously, I wouldn't think it's a fetish if the emphasis changes from woman to woman. Evidently your current wife has different "assets" that you really admire that are different from your former wife's "assets". When you say aroused, are you referring specifically to an erection or are you commenting more on how enthusiastic you are when having sex. Is it true that you can ONLY have sex when she's in cowgirl mode, and that if you tried to do it doggie style that you couldn't get hard? Sorry to be so graphic, just trying to understand.


With her yes, the assets are different and it relates to my being erect at least most of the time. Mirrors don't work. Tried it.

Cowgirl mode. Couldn't describe it better. I'll have to remember that.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

CanadianGuy said:


> Perhaps you like being dominated? Her position on top of you is one of dominance.


Honestly, that could be it. If so, is that a fetish or being just sexualy f**ked up? It wasn't like that when we were first married and for her sake, I wish it wasn't now.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Regardless of the body parts you needed to focus on in the past, were the women typically in a dominant position/role?
You say it wasn't like this when you first married. What was is like?
Without more information its hard to say what it might be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

badmemory said:


> Would it be considered a fetish to only want to have sex with my wife in a certain way? I have difficulty getting aroused if I can't "see" her on top of me when we have sex. I can then visually focus in on her body parts that arouse me. It's even the same when I give her oral. Similar situation in my first marriage, just different body parts.
> 
> The missionary position, from behind, just about everything else other than her on top, either for PIV or oral, just doesn't do it for me. I'm willing to try, but it seems to be a mental thing with me.
> 
> Sex therapist?


I love cowgirl!!


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

badmemory said:


> With her yes, the assets are different and it relates to my being erect at least most of the time. Mirrors don't work. Tried it.
> 
> Cowgirl mode. Couldn't describe it better. I'll have to remember that.


Maybe you can try sensual massage with the wife to see if taking the opportunity to explore her body via physical touch can help you to better appreciate all of her and not just specific assets. Going with the assumption that you are keying on her breasts - possibly the face and perhaps her long hair cascading over her shoulders and shimmering like pools of gold (or sable) upon your chest as she leans towards you for a kiss as you enter inside her...

OK. My suggestion would be to give her a sensual massage where you concentrate more on the erogenous zones not associated with your favorite parts. Maybe you can build a new appreciation for the rest of her thru intimate caressing and touch, and seeing her enjoy the massage may encourage you to explore her other areas in greater detail as you gain more confidence in making her feel good. Since the mind is the greatest sexual organ, I believe that as you receive positive feedback as she feels pleasure, it will get the blood flowing to your organ. 

Even aside from the sensual massage, and going for a more direct route, you giving her pleasure and seeing her react positively to it may get you excited.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

badmemory said:


> Honestly, that could be it. If so, is that a fetish or being just sexualy f**ked up? It wasn't like that when we were first married and for her sake, I wish it wasn't now.


Dude you're not screwed up.

You're fine. 

You admire certain things. That makes you a person. You don't have to be like everyone else. You don't have to be like anyone else.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Not a fetish, for that you need to require a thing , typically an inanimate object to get arounsed. 

Sounds however like you do have a favorite position.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Its more than just a favorite position if he can't stay erect otherwise, imo. I don't think that's just fine. Its one thing to like to ejaculate in a particular position but another to have no arousal doing anything else. To the op, I know I sound harsh and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but this is not nothing. I'm not saying your bad, terrible or anything of the sort and I know men are visual but you shouldn't just dismiss this. You know that or you wouldn't be here asking this question. Maybe it is some sort of fetish. I don't know but it is something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Cowgirl gets a lot more penetrarion and pressure, are sure it isn't that that is keeping you aroused?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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