# Im angry and need simple advice



## fullofanger (Oct 24, 2009)

My husband and I have been together 9yrs married 3yrs. We have 3 children ages 6, 3 and 1. I started being a stay at home mom 3 years ago.

My husband is a good man he drinks only on social occasions and he never gets wasted. He doesn't have any bad habits. He is NOT abusive verbally or physically. He works hard so that he can provide everything we need. Our marriage is almost perfect.

For the past year or so, little things missing in him have been building up and now I am just full of anger with him. When he comes home he doesn't do much anymore. Before it used to be the usual walk around the block or just sit outside watch the kids play while we talk. Now its just eat dinner and sit on the couch then before you know it he has to get to bed because he wakes up @ 4am. He used to help more when we had 1 child then now that I need him even more. We have had many ups and downs in our relationship and we have over come a lot.

What has started bothering me is the fact that he never gives me any compliments. I am always the first to say I love you. I have fallen in to depression and the sad part is I have had a talks with him already. Ive told him how I feel I have been very open and honest no matter how hurtful what I had to say was. I don't feel like he listens to me, or it makes me feel as if he doesn't take me seriously. The last time I had that conversation with him I told him about me not having any self esteem because of him. About my depression and anger. He started trying to say I love you more and brought me flowers twice. I even forgot our 3rd year anniversary because I feel so lost. But in my eyes he doesn't try hard enough. He doesn't open up to me the same way I open up to him.

The last thing that has really bothered me is that he doesn't stand up for me. We recently had an issue where I lost my temper with another adult (defending our oldest child)and instead of him standing by my side he went out and told the witnesses I shouldnt have lost my temper. When I tell him about other men hitting on me he doesn't have anything to say. Is him not being a jealous person normal?

All those things have been going on since we met. And it is just now affecting me. I think I felt them all at once and since I feel so misunderstood by him I am just full of anger.

I think all of that has made me fall out of LOVE with him. I do want out I'm just confused.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

sorry - what advice are you looking for?
are you really out of love or just annoyed?
I assume your last line is a typo? - you don't want out?


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## Ilovemyfeelings (Oct 20, 2009)

fullofanger said:


> My husband and I have been together 9yrs married 3yrs. We have 3 children ages 6, 3 and 1. I started being a stay at home mom 3 years ago.
> 
> My husband is a good man he drinks only on social occasions and he never gets wasted. He doesn't have any bad habits. He is NOT abusive verbally or physically. He works hard so that he can provide everything we need. Our marriage is almost perfect.
> 
> ...


Hi,
It sounds like you have lost yourself...and you need to find yourself again...Men, will only do so much for yourself esteem..but it's your JOB to make yourself happy not his...

I thought it was my husband job to make me happy too....men are NOT attracted to this at all...

So Please have him watch the children and find something to do...

Once he sees you HAPPY then he'll will want to help you...

As for the NOT taking up for you...mine did this a lot too...he always made me feel like I didn't know what the hell I was doing or saying...but if a man cant stand be hide you....I just couldnt live with this person anymore....which I'm NOT...
good luck...with this one...because it will make your self esteem go down lower then you can imagine.

Work on you is what I say...make you own happiness...


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Ilovemyfeelings said:


> Hi,
> It sounds like you have lost yourself...and you need to find yourself again...Men, will only do so much for yourself esteem..but it's your JOB to make yourself happy not his...
> 
> I thought it was my husband job to make me happy too....men are NOT attracted to this at all...
> ...


:iagree:


Take responsibility.. Sorry to be blunt but you have a good man and it isn't his responsibility to make you happy. He can add to your happiness but your putting too much on his plate. Start looking for things to do for yourself instead of him doing things for you. My wife is battling this now. She is lost and has no answers.. Don't ruin a good marriage on this..


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Actually, I don't think it is unusual to want your spouse to at the very least, not make you feel worse even if he doesn't agree with you. 

About getting jealous of other men, depends on the guy. My husband isn't jealous per se, it is just that he will make his presence known if he sees another guy chatting me up. Once he realizes what's going on, that is. But that's him. Other men in my past have been complimented that another man finds me attractive. Anyone who is seriously jealous and controlling, however, eh, that's not a really desirable trait. Afterall, getting hit on is an invitation. Only if you respond favorably to it is there a real threat.

As for your general depression, it is difficult to be a mom and to care for the family. You get cut off from other forms of praise and you rely too heavily on your husband. 

Question -- what do you do for yourself? Do you work out or have hobbies with friends or ???

Also, have you been treated for depression?


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## fullofanger (Oct 24, 2009)

In response to everyone's comments. First of all thank you for reading my letter.

Yes I have a good man. I know it and I let him know it too. I am a good woman also and I would like for him to let me know. He just does not open up about that sort of stuff. After all these years I have earned it. I have lost myself. If I can recall when we got married we promised to love and care for each other, which includes putting our partners happiness before our own, it is part of his job as well as mine.

I have not seen any Drs or counselors for my depression I just feel they may not be able to help. I feel better when I talk about it but its also something I don't want out in the open or tell any of my friends or family members. I don't think any one would understand.

I don't really do much for myself I really don't have time. I do try to go out and visit friends or go out to breakfast with friends. The only problem is I ALWAYS have my kids with me. That is just frustrating. I just look forward to them growing up so that they can be a little help to me rather than me being their everything. I love my children and I try to build a good relationship with them. I give them everything I did not have as a child. This is one of the reasons its hard to put myself above anything.

Please continue to write it feels good to hear other persons views.


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## marriedsahm (Oct 27, 2009)

You need to get out alone. Is there anyone you know that would be willing to watch the kids for a couple of hours a week so you could have a few moments to yourself. Its not alot of time but its something.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

"I have not seen any Drs or counselors for my depression I just feel they may not be able to help. I feel better when I talk about it but its also something I don't want out in the open or tell any of my friends or family members. I don't think any one would understand."

Why do you think nobody could help or understand? What makes you so different than thousands of other people who are helped by professionals to work through their depression?

Wait... you aren't... an ALIEN, are you? ;-)


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