# Confused and anxious



## miss small

My husband and I are together for a total of nine years but are married for 4 years. We went through some rough times a year before we got married and it ended with me cheating, at the time it did not look like the relationship would survive, I went to someone for emotional support. The cheating relationship lasted 6 months. We moved on, I got married, life is good! The only thing is I have not stopped loving my cheating partner and he also feels the same way about me. Although we have moved on, four years later we still deeply love one another and is now intimate again. I am an independent woman with a fruitful career that don't require much from my husband, but one thing I value most besides his love is his emotional support, which I find Is lacking in my marriage. I don't know what to do or how to feel about this situation.


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## Andy1001

So you’ve lived a lie for your entire marriage, you’ve always loved another man and have never been a loyal, honest wife. You are just a liar and a cheat and you fooled him into a reconciliation which has always been false.
And you blame your husband because he doesn’t support you “emotionally”.
You really are something lady!
Do this poor guy a huge favor and divorce him.


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## bobert

Well, first off you shouldn't even know that your AP still misses you and loves you. You shouldn't be having ANY contact with him. Of course you still feel like this towards him... you never ended the affair! How did you "move on" when you didn't even end the affair? 

So you have been having an EA for the last 4+ years and you are complaining that your husband doesn't give you any emotional support. You don't deserve his emotional support! You've got loverboy for that and you've refused to give him up. 

Even if your husband is lacking with his emotional support, that is NOT an excuse to cheat. You could have divorced your husband, or better yet, never married him in the first place.


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## Diceplayer

You need to divorce your husband immediately so he can find someone who loves him. He deserves someone better than you.


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## Casual Observer

miss small said:


> My husband and I are together for a total of nine years but are married for 4 years. We went through some rough times a year before we got married and it ended with me cheating, at the time it did not look like the relationship would survive, I went to someone for emotional support. The cheating relationship lasted 6 months. We moved on, I got married, life is good! The only thing is I have not stopped loving my cheating partner and he also feels the same way about me. Although we have moved on, four years later we still deeply love one another and is now intimate again. I am an independent woman with a fruitful career that don't require much from my husband, but one thing I value most besides his love is his emotional support, which I find Is lacking in my marriage. I don't know what to do or how to feel about this situation.


Why are you here? There willl be no support on TAM for being unfaithful in marriage. But if you’ve lurked before posting, you know that.
So, what are you looking for?

Separately, did your husband know about the prior cheating? Does he know about the fact that it never ended? Did you tell him it had ended despite it temporarily moving to EA?


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## OddOne

You know what to do. You just don't want to. What you want is for people to tell you that what you are doing is OK and that you should not "rock the boat" by admitting what you've done and having a conversation with your BH about divorce or reconciliation. You're just a strong, independent woman whose needs aren't being met afterall, so why not have some fun on the side? That's what you're thinking, isn't it? You're next going to tell us what a fabulous wife you are. About how all your husband's needs are met and how lucky he is to have you.


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## OddOne

Please tell us you don't have children with your BH and aren't currently pregnant with his or your AP's child. Since the marriage is a shame, it would be best for kids not to be involved.


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## Diana7

Wow, so you lie and deceive and cheat on your husband. You need to tell the poor man so he can decide if he wants to still be with you or find a decent woman who is honest and faithful. So what that you are an 'independant woman' with a 'fruitful career', it hasnt made you a good person with any integrity has it.
If you want to stay in the marriage you must stop ALL contact with the OM now for good, and tell your husband everything. He may or may not end the marriage(if he has any sense he will). If you want to be with this awful cheating man, then tell your husband and end the marriage. I SO hope that you and the OM dont have children with your respective partners whose lives you will ruin by this. SO selfish.


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## Diana7

OddOne said:


> Please tell us you don't have children with your BH and aren't currently pregnant with his or your AP's child. Since the marriage is a shame, it would be best for kids not to be involved.


Hopefully the OM isnt married or has children either.


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## RonaldoSuave

miss small said:


> My husband and I are together for a total of nine years but are married for 4 years. We went through some rough times a year before we got married and it ended with me cheating, at the time it did not look like the relationship would survive, I went to someone for emotional support. The cheating relationship lasted 6 months. We moved on, I got married, life is good! The only thing is I have not stopped loving my cheating partner and he also feels the same way about me. Although we have moved on, four years later we still deeply love one another and is now intimate again. I am an independent woman with a fruitful career that don't require much from my husband, but one thing I value most besides his love is his emotional support, which I find Is lacking in my marriage. I don't know what to do or how to feel about this situation.


I have been married for over forty years, a women needs to continue the results of getting her man... men stray because their women no longer wants to be the sexual playmate that attracted him in the first place, you no longer want to suck his ****.. other women do why not you he wants to taste the pleasures of cunnilingus you don't want it other women do. Act sexy discretely spice up the bedroom and relationship other women do.. take care of your mate on all levels or he will seek the women that do. Even good men with all of the social importance and perceive to be the all around good husband want a dirty nasty women in bed, you can not not deny it men can't deny it we are animals in pursuit of lust with a women, why can't the wife provide this animal insist we have, you can try to justify it in every way- religious, commitment, love, family, marriage the primitive lust in men will never die, wives keep your men happy or he will find another, discretely secretively, a marriage must recognize this and act accordingly or the marriage will be a lie a cheat and never sen sire regardless how it seems to others be truthful be honest let your lover know what you want and what they are not fa filling in your romantic sexual sensual intimate relationship !!l the divorce rate rises.. communicate!! let your lover know your every desire and you will both be happy weather that is ignominious, threesomes, groups perversions, what ever - like is short be happy take it all in..... Love, happiness, fulfillment it can all be yours.....


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## OddOne

RonaldoSuave said:


> I have been married for over forty years, a women needs to continue the results of getting her man... men stray because their women no longer wants to be the sexual playmate that attracted him in the first place, you no longer want to suck his ****.. other women do why not you he wants to taste the pleasures of cunnilingus you don't want it other women do. Act sexy discretely spice up the bedroom and relationship other women do.. take care of your mate on all levels or he will seek the women that do. Even good men with all of the social importance and perceive to be the all around good husband want a dirty nasty women in bed, you can not not deny it men can't deny it we are animals in pursuit of lust with a women, why can't the wife provide this animal insist we have, you can try to justify it in every way- religious, commitment, love, family, marriage the primitive lust in men will never die, wives keep your men happy or he will find another, discretely secretively, a marriage must recognize this and act accordingly or the marriage will be a lie a cheat and never sen sire regardless how it seems to others be truthful be honest let your lover know what you want and what they are not fa filling in your romantic sexual sensual intimate relationship !!l the divorce rate rises.. communicate!! let your lover know your every desire and you will both be happy weather that is ignominious, threesomes, groups perversions, what ever - like is short be happy take it all in..... Love, happiness, fulfillment it can all be yours.....


I'm honestly not clear on what the hell you're trying to say here. It actually hurts my head trying to read it. The only things I got out of it, maybe all that's in it, is that you're advising the OP to be more sexually aggressive with her BH but also to keep having sex with her AP. Maybe they'll all have a 3 some. How that's supposed to resolve anything is beyond me.

What I am sure of is that the fact that the OP liked this tells us all what we need to know about the OP becoming a better person. That is, she won't because she doesn't want to.

OP, my last suggestion to you is that you join something like the Adultery Sub Reddit. You'll be much happier.


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## StarFires

Oh my starfires, she LIKED that post!


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## frusdil

You need to get a divorce.


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## Diana7

RonaldoSuave said:


> I have been married for over forty years, a women needs to continue the results of getting her man... men stray because their women no longer wants to be the sexual playmate that attracted him in the first place, you no longer want to suck his ****.. other women do why not you he wants to taste the pleasures of cunnilingus you don't want it other women do. Act sexy discretely spice up the bedroom and relationship other women do.. take care of your mate on all levels or he will seek the women that do. Even good men with all of the social importance and perceive to be the all around good husband want a dirty nasty women in bed, you can not not deny it men can't deny it we are animals in pursuit of lust with a women, why can't the wife provide this animal insist we have, you can try to justify it in every way- religious, commitment, love, family, marriage the primitive lust in men will never die, wives keep your men happy or he will find another, discretely secretively, a marriage must recognize this and act accordingly or the marriage will be a lie a cheat and never sen sire regardless how it seems to others be truthful be honest let your lover know what you want and what they are not fa filling in your romantic sexual sensual intimate relationship !!l the divorce rate rises.. communicate!! let your lover know your every desire and you will both be happy weather that is ignominious, threesomes, groups perversions, what ever - like is short be happy take it all in..... Love, happiness, fulfillment it can all be yours.....


what has this to do with the thread?


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## ABHale

The only reason the emotional support is lacking in your MARRIAGE is because you are getting it from someone else. I am willing to bet your HUSBAND feels the same as you. Why the hell did you marry someone you didn’t love?

This is all on you. Talk with husband and give him a divorce. Give him the chance to find someone that actually loves and cares for him. Someone that isn’t you.

I feel bad for your husband, here he thought he married the girl of his dreams and he got you, someone that doesn’t give a damn about him and is able to cheat on him so easily.


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## Divinely Favored

The cheating relationship lasted 6 months. We moved on, I got married, life is good! The only thing is I have not stopped loving my cheating partner and he also feels the same way about me. Although we have moved on, four years later we still deeply love one another and is now intimate again. 
[/QUOTE]

So you are again back screwing your POSOM? Is that correct? Do the decent thing and free hubby to find someone worthy.


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