# Will it work if I am the only one trying! I'm Exhausted.



## Exhausted8 (Dec 9, 2011)

Thank goodness I came across this site. 

My mariage has been failing for 4 years. I've been trying to be a strong woman and hold the family down thinking positive that things will get better and this is only temporary. Things haven't gotten. I feel like I am in a dark hole and I cant climb out. There is no romance, he refuses to go to counseling, he is always grouchy and complaining, we dont talk much, there is definately no intimacy. I've given my everything because we have children and I am drained. I dont know what else to do.
I'm afraid for our children and what they will go through if we dont make it. There has to be a way.

any advice is welcome. ty


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Have you given him an ultimatum? I was in a similar situation and I just kept hoping things would change. Well they did - I found out hubby was cheating. If I had it to do over I would tell him in no uncertain terms that we are going to MC and working TOGETHER on things or we are getting divorced. I would initiate divorce proceedings also - it isn't final till it's final.


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## Exhausted8 (Dec 9, 2011)

Thanks for responding hope. I think that will be my next step. We just can't live like this. I have told him it isn't working, we need couseling and we have serious issues we need to work out or we aren't going to make it. He brushes it off.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You dont tell us too much. Have you been married long. Was it ever better. Are you both working. Do you have money problems. When and why did it start going downhill. I dont think you just jump to conclusions too quickly that there is another woman. If there is after four years you would know about it. If he doesnt want to go on counselling is it because he sees no problem. Perhaps he doesnt want you to be there and say things about him. Maybe he would go on his own. You can only try.


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## Exhausted8 (Dec 9, 2011)

accept said:


> You dont tell us too much. Have you been married long. Was it ever better. Are you both working. Do you have money problems. When and why did it start going downhill. I dont think you just jump to conclusions too quickly that there is another woman. If there is after four years you would know about it. If he doesnt want to go on counselling is it because he sees no problem. Perhaps he doesnt want you to be there and say things about him. Maybe he would go on his own. You can only try.


Thx accept. Your right there is so much more. I dont think he is cheating. I do think he may need a serious ultimatum. We have been together for 6 years married for 5. It was great the first two years He had a daughter, I had a daughter and we all came together so effortlessly. Things got tougher when we had our son , but we were ok. Things really started going downhill fast when he was injured at work, then came the lawsuit against the employer for not carrying workmans comp then came the pain medication. In the beginning I was very tolerant of his behavior and tried to be understanding and help the kids understand aswell "daddy doesn't mean it he is just in a lot of pain". He doesn't think there is a problem. He has an attitude like I'm an A** H*** because my back hurts and you all just need to deal with it because you dont know what I'm going through. He makes everything miserable. I sometimes question how much of his injury is mental and how much is physical because when he wants to......he works out, does the yard work and cleans like a madman. He is a lil ocd and will vaccum and sweep even if i already did it. We are struggling financially. He is going to start working again next week. I'm glad he is I know it will be good for his mental state but it also scares me because I worry that he is going to take more medication. There is so much to tell of our situation hopefully this gives you an idea.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

if he is on opiates, he may very well need a detox.


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## Exhausted8 (Dec 9, 2011)

As'laDain said:


> if he is on opiates, he may very well need a detox.


Yes, he definately needs to detox.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i know what extreme pain can do. i suffer from chronic cluster headaches. if you dont know what that is...

Cluster headache - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

that said, he needs to man up and stop spreading his pain around. it isnt your fault he is hurting. if he is addicted to opiates, he is going to have to detox before you can really work on his attitude. im assuming he gets very defensive and angry when you voice your concerns about his use/overuse of medication?

this is for an unrelated medical condition(this is a friends story), but may provide some insight. if he has been slowly increasing his drug use, he may need what this guy needed: http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1227043359


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