# Is he lying about his virginity?



## sarah (Nov 2, 2009)

When my husband and I began dating, we were both virgins. I truly was, and he had said that he also was. Back when we were engaged he accidentally left a IM window up on his computer that I saw. It was a conversation with his ex and they talked about having sex back when they were dating and wanting to see each other again. His excuse on this when I confronted him was that he had taken a large amount of painkillers that he had been prescribed and was not really "with it" at the time. I believed him because I knew what he was taking and it is a strong medicine meant to block migraine pain. We have not been married very long now, but I thought everything was ok. However a few weeks ago, I discovered some old IM logs on the computer from before we met and found a very detailed conversation between himself and an ex. They talked about having sex, what it felt like, and then later on she said she was pregnant. A few months later, she supposedly miscarried and shortly after that they broke up because it was a long distance relationship and she was seeing other men. I was upset and confronted him about this, and he swears that he never did anything with her. When I showed him that I really had found the IM logs, he said that they did have this conversation, but they were making everything up. Now I know I am not the most intelligent person, but I seriously don't believe a young man would spend several weeks having a fake conversation and fake worrying that their fake sex ended up in a fake pregnancy. He keeps swearing by his story and is getting irate at me because I don't believe it. I don't know what to do about this. Women have an intuition and my gut is telling me that he is lying. Is it possible that he really is telling the truth? Please help- I feel hurt, betrayed, sick and I don't know if I should be able to trust him or not.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

No, he is lying and I can't think of a single reason WHY you should trust him.


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## defeated (Nov 5, 2009)

i fakely beleive that you have nothing to worry about!! 

thats rediculus. its not about intuition here. he expects you to be a dits. you are not. love is blind. dont be blind. 

when i was dating my husband we went long distance. he started hangin out with this fat mexican that everyone said was a lesbian. he took her and her "girlfriend" on rolercoasters in vegas where he lived at the time. well i lived there too. he never took me. then later he told me after i moved back and had been married a YEAR that when i was long distance he had sex with her. i dont believe in lesbians anymore. he told me that it was RAPE!! in the same bed as the one i slept with him in. there is a longer side to this retarted story but in the end.... now he admits it was not rape. he missed me and decided to sleep with her. as for now... i can trust him. but i will never again trust a *****.

dont be BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if this was going on before and during and after the engagement to you, then your in desperate need of mending this relationship. set rules. tell him flat out-without letting him fool you again- that hey "im not a dummy. you will not have anything to do with this girl and if you ever have another FAKE conversation with any other woman again then he thinks your marriage, your feelings and his commitment to you are FAKE."


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Sounds too bizarre to be the truth. My guess is he told you he was a virgin because he knew you were and either did not want to lose you or did not want to have to disclose with who, what, etc. That was wrong but if he lied at that stage it was likely out of fear of your reaction to the truth.

I think you need to address this now...but only if you can handle the truth without losing it...if he sees that you are calm and even if/when he opens up it will open the door to feeling 'safe' talking freely with you and not hiding information.

His past shouldn't be an issue, but the lying is.


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

You can live next to a man for 40 years

Share his table

Share his bed

Have children

Not know who he is until the day you dangle him over a volcano.


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## Florence (Nov 7, 2009)

He is lying.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

What is virginity these days ?
I've known 40 year old women who have been married 3 times, RE-VIGINIZING themselves...

so "vigin" is a loose term these days.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

OK, two things here. One.....he's lying. You don't make up fake stuff like that between two people. It's funny (not haha, but ironic funny), my ex did the same thing to me. I found letters he and a co-worker had been writing, ie: "i want to hold you so bad" and "you should take a motorcycle ride on Tuesday, so you can come ride me". 

He told me it was all made up. They were just goofing off....blah, blah, blah. He was cheating (again). People do not write that stuff to each other, thinking no one else is reading it. It makes zero sense.

The second thing is....I have a friend who ended up dating this guy who was supposedly a 28 year old virgin. He supposedly lost his virginity to her. When they broke up and he was dating the next girl, he was a virgin again. I wonder how many times a person can play that card. I also wonder why someone would.

Stop seeing the man you want and hope him to be, and really take a hard look at who he really is and decide if you want to work on the relationship. In my experience, if they get away with it once, they do it again.

You have value, make sure he knows that!


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## defeated (Nov 5, 2009)

my aunt had the same problem. he was cheating on her again and kept "sexting" this girl he knew. (thats erotic and pornographic texting about eachother to eachother) he told his wife it was all in good fun. "it was a joke" "it doesnt mean anything" bla bla bla

they are divorced. he is living with that girl now.

this went on for a long time. dont let him fool you. what do kids do when they get caught? laugh, "just kidding- you take everything so personal mom!" or blame someone else. well kids arent the only ones who do that


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## johnluvssarah (Nov 14, 2009)

Does he love you now? Is he having sex with anyone else now? If the answer to both of those it no then what difference does it make? Yeah , it's wrong that he lied and still lies to you about it but it's probably because he thinks it's a big deal to you. 
I was a virgin when I met my wife and she was not. Our relationship is stronger than I could ever imagine. Her past has nothing to do with our present and I think you should look at it the same way. 
Let it go before it creates problems because as it is now, it's not a problem.

Peak in on our marriage at our blog


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Just because it's too bizarre to believe, doesn't make it a lie.

My wife spent upwards of 50 total hours with her **** friend in nightclubs and no guys ever hit on them. NOT ONE. A less enlightened person than myself would think that too truly unbelieveable to be a lie. But she looked me right in the eye and told me so. Swears by it to this day. It must be the truth.

Sorry. I'm getting sarcastic, hence seemingly insensitive to others pain. It's just the lies they expect us to believe. Read around in other threads. It's incredible and so COMMON!


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