# Stressed out



## SUZIWORD (Nov 11, 2010)

Good Morning! I need some advice from some parents out there of blended families. I will try to make this short and sweet. I have been remarried for 1.5 years. My son (who will be 19) does not get along with my new husband, nor does my son (25). The 19 lives at home the other two (one son but lives out of state) live own their own. My husband has been very good to my 19 year old as far as giving him money, helping him with his car, etc. and has try to become a friend to him. Anyway....they have had issues b/c my son does not want to work, not to have any responsibilities, wants to stay up all night long and sleep all day (during the summer). He is in college, but not working. He wants to come and go as he sees fit, etc. I told my son when he graduated from HS that he would have to get a job and start paying his insurance, cell phone bill and his own spending money (ins & phone like 130 a month). Well that never happened. So, my husband and I had a major blow out....and thinks were said and done during the blow out that should have never went any further but all three of the boys know and my family, b/c I have a problem with telling everyone (which I am working on very hard). Well he moved out and I was miserable. So, we decided to get back together and my boys won't talk to me. They want nothing to do with me as long as I am with him. So, my 19 yo moved in with his grandparents. Now they are seeing what I have been trying to tell them for the last 6 months. He hasnt looked for a job they are putting gas in his car, she is cooking for him, washing his clothes, etc., but she is exhausted. I told him he needs to move back home and he said he would not. I don't know what to do. As far as I am concerned I have done my job I have raised all three they are legally grown. I can't make him move from their house, that is something they are going to have to do. I guess I just need to know how should I handle this, am I expected to put my life on hold for them for the rest of my life or have a done my job?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!:smthumbup:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You've done your job. Giving your son any more money or help will only HURT him, turn him into a bum for the rest of his life. Does he still have things that you have paid for, like a car or a phone? Take them back. Tell him he can have them back when he starts paying for them.


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## SUZIWORD (Nov 11, 2010)

Yes the car is in my name, but it was his 16 bday present. But his cell phone has been cut off, however his brother that lives out of state told him he would pay for it and I asked him why and he was like well I feel bad for him. Okay so when he is 40 and still wont take responsibility are you going to pay for him he was like no! He is a good kid don't get me wrong, honor student, smart! But has no motivation what so ever and now of course my mom is all stressed out b/c she is taking care of him and my dad (she does everything) and she wants him to move home, I am like the ball is in your court right now. You are enabling him to stay the same and not to have to take responsibility.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

SUZIWORD said:


> Good Morning! I need some advice from some parents out there of blended families. I will try to make this short and sweet. I have been remarried for 1.5 years. My son (who will be 19) does not get along with my new husband, nor does my son (25). The 19 lives at home the other two (one son but lives out of state) live own their own. My husband has been very good to my 19 year old as far as giving him money, helping him with his car, etc. and has try to become a friend to him. Anyway....they have had issues b/c my son does not want to work, not to have any responsibilities, wants to stay up all night long and sleep all day (during the summer). He is in college, but not working. He wants to come and go as he sees fit, etc. I told my son when he graduated from HS that he would have to get a job and start paying his insurance, cell phone bill and his own spending money (ins & phone like 130 a month). Well that never happened.


Why did "that never happen", MOM? 




> So, my husband and I had a major blow out....and thinks were said and done during the blow out that should have never went any further but all three of the boys know and my family, b/c I have a problem with telling everyone (which I am working on very hard). Well he moved out and I was miserable. So, we decided to get back together and my boys won't talk to me.
> They want nothing to do with me as long as I am with him. So, my 19 yo moved in with his grandparents. Now they are seeing what I have been trying to tell them for the last 6 months. He hasnt looked for a job they are putting gas in his car, she is cooking for him, washing his clothes, etc., but she is exhausted. I told him he needs to move back home and he said he would not. I don't know what to do.


- You and your HUSBAND decide what ground rules are to apply to grown and near grown children who live under YOUR roof should they ever return. If they don't want to do that, they can be free to leave and make their own way.
- Encourage grandma to drop kick him. She doesn't owe a 19 year old punk the service that a toddler would require.

And while you are doing this, realize that you are doing your children a monumental favor to undo the spoiling one has to assume has happened up to this point for him to get to be like this.

Sorry to be so blunt. But there it is.


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## MommaGizz (Dec 3, 2010)

Very good comments. Also, if the car was really a gift that you don't want to take back, switch it over to his name so you are no longer legally liable. If he can't pay to have the insurance and title switched over, then take it back. Why endanger YOURSELF because your grown son doesn't want to GROW UP? It's time he grew up and realized that life's a b*t*h and nobody is entitled to a thing.


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