# This is such a difficult time!



## Loveofmylife921 (Jun 28, 2015)

I am still in love with my ex wife. And she says she still loves me. So why did we divorce you ask? Well her parents gave her an ultimatum. They don't like me because I don't think they way they do about a lot of things. They are very old school German people who are in there early 70s. Mind you, I never mistreated or abused or cheated on my wife. In fact, i believe I stayed with my wife far longer then any man would have. And not because of her. She is amazing and beautiful and smart. It was her parents. They got in the middle and pried into every aspect of our married lives. My wife was never allowed to make her own decisions without some kind of input or backlash from them. This for obvious reasons made our lives very difficult and I could not handle it. But I stayed. For 13 yrs, I stayed. Becuase I love my wife more then anything. And I vowed to myself all those years ago that I wouldn't allow her parents or any outside drama ruin our marriage. And I tried so very hard to explain for several years to my wife, that she needed to set some boundaries with her parents. We went to marriage counseling about 7 yrs ago and they told her the same thing. And she went back with her mom about 2 yrs ago or so. And they told her the same thing. " if you want your marriage to work, you have got to set some boundaries with your parents." That didn't work either. So finally, I believe my wife finally cracked under the pressure of having to choose between her parents and her husband. Of course I got the short end of that deal otherwise I wouldn't be typing this. She tells me she still loves me and we will have to wait til after her parents die before we could be together. My question is this, what type of parents make their son or daughter choose between them and their spouse? Is their anything I can do to make her see that I love her and don't want to lose her? What am I being selfish to think she made the wrong choice? What would you do?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Loveofmylife921 said:


> And because of the ultimatum they gave her which I told her I would never do no matter how bad it got. And because they have A LOT of money. She felt it was easier to divorce me then set a few boundaries with her family. The problem is that I still love her so very much and I know she loves me too. She has told me that even if we wanted to make this work, we can't do anything til her parents die.


Sounds to me like she loves the inheritance she'll receive more than you. JMO.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

She already made her choice you just don't want to accept it. Sorry but your wife is lacking what you really need to make a marriage work. She was not willing to honor you above all others. She doesn't love you enough.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Unless she's willing to go to long-term therapy on her own to learn to remove her parents' mental shackles, or unless you're just willing to sit on the sidelines til they die, there's nothing to discuss.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Perhaps she does love you. But she doesn't love you enough to be with you. Move on.


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## Nitty (Jun 28, 2015)

How old are her parents, how is their health, and how old did their parents live?

These are questions you need to answer.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You need to move on. You're wasting your life. 

You only get one life and you're sitting there waiting for people to die in order to live yours. If you knew you were going to die in 5 years time, would you be happy with promises of a wonderful future together in oh, maybe 20 years? "Just have to wait for the parents to kick the bucket darling, then I'll be all yours". It's as sick as it is pathetic. Let her waste her life, but don't let her waste yours.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Loveofmylife

So sorry to hear about your story. It sounds like you have done everything that you could think of to try and save your marriage. The ball is obviously in your wife's court. It sounds like she cannot throw off the shackles of parental control from when she was a child. 

I agree with breeze that it is pathetic to wait until her parents have died before you can actually enjoy your lives. I would put this to your wife, what other man is gonna be better than you are? Also, what other marriage could you potentially have where your parents are not going to intervene. She needs to know that if you are a good man, this marriage is worth fighting for. And if you leave for someone else. the next man that comes along to her will be in the same boat, and she would've lost the love of her life because she lacks the courage to stand up for herself, she will regret that for a very long time. 

Just remember the same game can be played in reverse! She can give her parents and ultimatum. either back off and stop involving yourself in your lives , or perhaps she will not be able to see your grandchildren when they come into this world. Not good for long-term relationships with the in-laws, only as a last resort. 

I wish you the best my friend and I hope your wife/ex-wife comes to her senses.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

See this is exactly why you marry orphans.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Before I begin to offer up commentary, Loveofmylife, are either you or your W, perchance "only children" in your respective families?*


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## RayJakeman (Jun 23, 2015)

Tell her that she should leave them and the two of you will emigrate to start a new life. She can go back and visit once a year. My bet is that she will refuse because you are not the center of her life.Move on with your life as painful as it is.


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## Loveofmylife921 (Jun 28, 2015)

To answer some of the questions you all asked, neither one of us is an only child. She has a sister and I have 2 brothers and a sister. Her parents are in there early 70s and are in pretty good health. Her moms mom lives to be 103. Not sure about her moms dad. He passed away long ago. I think both her dads parents have been dead since before we meet. So at least 15 yrs or more. Her mom is the real issue and she doesn't seem to have any major medical issues.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

So basically, she is going to wait 30+ years for them to kick the bucket.

Are you willing to wait that long to have a real marriage??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

The problem wasn't your inlaws, it was your ex wife. They problems started because of the parents, but they continued because your ex wife allowed them to.

I don't understand people who struggle with issues between spouse and parents. It's a no brainer - they're adults, there's no divided loyalty when you get married, its spouse first, always.

This won't get better OP.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

YOU could die before that old hag. Have some respect for yourself, and find a real woman. One who won't snivel and worry over Mommy and Daddy.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Seems to me that she likes burning the candle at both ends. Your supposed to be number one in her life and she chose Mumsy and Daddy over you BUT, still wants to hold on to you. 

If it's me, then if the marriage is over then stop the communicating with her, move on and start taking your life back. I know you still love her but she has a ton of dead weight around her neck that is more important then you so let her have it. Once she knows that you had enough of her pathetic behavior and her inability to act like an adult and she sees you moving on, then she'll come to her senses or maybe she wont but she has to learn that she can't have it both ways and until you break the chain to her your going to have a sorry life. 

You only get one chance to go around in life and right now your letting her spin your wheels and making a rut you can't get out of. Wise up and move on.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

It's time for you to carve a life of your own. At one time, you decided that you can't take the kind of married life you had. You cannot waste your time waiting for your ex-wife to grow up. 

Cut all communications out. You need time to heal. You deserve a better life and a wife who is all in your marriage. Your ex-wife will bring you nothing but grief. Listen to the posters here. Many of them had the experience of "Out-Laws" that should stay out of your marriage, including yours truly.

Move on!


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