# Will you invite a female to a party when wife is not with you?



## star71 (Jul 20, 2010)

Okay, so I want to know if I am overreacting to this situation after I heard that a friend told a relative about this incident.
My husband went to a small party and he invited a male and female co-worker to come over.
When my H came back 10 mins after I called him to come home, I asked who was there and he said Jim and Dana. I said wow, that's nice that she came around. However, I had a weird feeling about her because when I asked my husband a couple of times to invite co-workers (including Dana) over to our place during small gatherings, he says, nah never mind. 

So, I told him that's weird that she came there when you called them and she doesn't come here to our place. A few months earlier, my husband said that Dana was looking for a temporary sitter while she goes on a business trip. I never met her so I didn't want to pursue the idea anyway. The lady is going through a divorce also I would like to mention. My H and I saw her walking her dog one time before the party he went to with male and female coworker, and I told him say hi to your co-worker he just ignored me and kept driving.

Bottom Line: Will you also invite a female co-worker to a gathering when your wife is not around and has not met her?
Was there something secretly going on?
There's more to this story but just want to see about this one.


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## randomperson (Jul 13, 2010)

Me personally, I would not invite a female to a party that my wife was not attending because I think it is disrespectful, but everyone is different. There are a number of possibilities anyway.

1) Maybe he doesn't think you two would get along so he is trying to keep you apart, since he does have to work with her.
2) Maybe he only wanted to invite the male co-worker but they were together when he called so it would have been awkward had he not invited her.
3) Maybe he is feeling smothered by you so he is building up his own little world that he can escape to, and that is why he wants to keep you all separated.

I really don't know, but I can keep speculating if you want. It's a tricky question without all of the background information such as how long they have worked together, if they have a relationship outside of work, etc...

It doesn't sound like he is up to anything, otherwise he probably would not have told you that she was there. He was honest at least, you have to give him some credit for that.


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

Answer is NO . it would be disrespectful to the woman I love.. All to do with the boundaries of a marriage.

Chat to your H, be very careful with your words, no accusing but certainly let him know you are not comfortable with this. Please be direct, men do not understand hints or indirect conversation. If he chooses to invite her again be clear you go as a couple or he does not go. Co-workers are a good excuse to hide a multitude of sins..


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## Chet8625 (Jul 13, 2010)

it doesn't sound to me he "invited a female co-worker". He invited both a male and female co-worker. I don't see anything wrong with this, assuming (a) he invited you and you couldn't go or (b) it was work related and not appropriate for a spouse.

What I do feel is strange is that the opportunities he had to introduce you to the female co-worker always end with him passing on the chance. Why is that? 

Randomperson suggested you two wouldn't get along. It's just an introduction, not a date. however if he had been more personal with the female co-worker, I think he would be hesitant to have is lover meet his wife.


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## movingonthistime (Jul 21, 2010)

Nope. I feel like there is more to the story too. Always trust your gut. Manytimes, when people are going through divorces, they find others shoulders to cry on. I hope it is not your hubbies. Ask him to be honest with you and be ready for what he has to say.


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## star71 (Jul 20, 2010)

To randomperson:
Thanks for replying.

Anyway, my H tells me how his day went at work. Some funny stories and some are normal disagreements between co-workers. He also does mention about the female co-worker and what she is going through with her personal life (i.e. going through divorce, needing to find a temp babysitter). He also says how he feels sorry for her.

Also, he has always had many female friends in the past since he was well known. However, he has changed and now has a family and is married. However, in the past years, I still feel my gut telling me that he has female friends that he keeps a secret because he knows I won't agree about it. We both do not like the idea that we will be hanging out with the opposite sex. However, he feels inclined to do just that. 
I always had the feeling that with my H, as long as he tells me some part of the truth to a situation, he feels it is good enough and I do not need to hear the full truth for fear of child support, my reaction, breaking up the family.
To me, he is a secretive person.


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## star71 (Jul 20, 2010)

To Chet8625:

You mentioned, What I do feel is strange is that the opportunities he had to introduce you to the female co-worker always end with him passing on the chance. Why is that? 

I still remember clearly his response when I told him the next night to invite his female co-worker over so the other ladies can all meet and play card games. I mean she came to my H's friends house just last night why wouldn't she come to my H's home and eventually meet his wife, kids? He said, nah never mind. Well, I found out two days later that two of the ladies in my home that night were secretly talking earlier in the day about my H inviting this female co-worker last night and how she sat by my H the entire time. Both were contemplating if they should tell me or not since they weren't sure if my H and her were having a secret affair. 
The weird thing about this gathering at my house after I analyzed everything, I think that everyone was walking on eggshells when they were around me because they all knew that there was another female with my H just last night AND were wondering if I knew about her or not. Which I did because my H told me who was there upon returning from the bbq 10 min after I called him to come home.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

There's a lot of people making assumptions but I don't see anything concrete here.

I worked with an attractive young lady for several years. We worked 60 hours per week, usually alone, and I would drive her home at night since she lived is a tougher section of the city.

Years later I learned that most everyone in the company assumed we were having an affair, which was not the case.


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## blueyes (Mar 25, 2010)

ok, I'm sorry but u r being to nieve here, there is obviously an ea going on, he knows way to much about her and he feels sorry for her. If it was just friendship he would have introduced the 2 of u, he has had plenty of opportunity too. Probably nothing has happened but they r both thinking about it I can almost guarantee that, just by the way u say he is acting. U better talk with him and figure it out sooner than later, trust me I know.


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## blueyes (Mar 25, 2010)

Chris I agree completly with u I have mostly guy friends because usually women r 2 faced, stab u in the bad bi!!!!!. It's just the way her hs is acting not wanting them to meet. I'd would'nt put up with it. It sounds like she isn't doing anything wrong but the husband might be having ideas on his own


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

blueyes said:


> Chris I agree completly with u I have mostly guy friends because usually women r 2 faced, stab u in the bad bi!!!!!. It's just the way her hs is acting not wanting them to meet. I'd would'nt put up with it. It sounds like she isn't doing anything wrong but the husband might be having ideas on his own


My gut feel is just the opposite.

he doesn't want to do anything but feels the woman may try to interject herself between them.

Still not on board with the EA, except on her part.


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## catsy101 (Aug 3, 2010)

In a word, "NO".


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

No, I would still like to have sex with my wife on a weekly basis.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

There was a male co-worker with them, it's not like it was a date. And even if they did go there together, it was a party not an orgy. And when you asked him to come home you said he was there in 10 mins. I don't see how any of this is disrespectful. Loosen the leash.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Resonance (Aug 11, 2010)

It should be completely fine with a third party around. Be wary of office gossip.


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