# Ladies, did you have "puppy love" for your husband?



## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

Hello, I need some insight from you ladies. After 9yrs married and three kids my wife and I are in a funk right now. We've been fighting a lot for many reasons. We spoke last night about our relationship and one thing she said that caught my attention was that when we got married she loved me with all her heart but didn't have that puppy love like the one she had with her first boyfriend in high school. I know for a fact she really loves me because she's gone through a lot with me like me not having a career, some temper issues, etc. 
She was 30 when we got married so obviously we were no teenager... 
Can you relate to my relationship or do all women that get married need to have the "puppy love". ?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

wth is puppy love? lol She's a 30 yr old grown woman and she's thinking about the feelings she had for her high school boyfriend?? 

Obviously this "puppy love" is something that doesn't last otherwise she'd still be w/her high school boyfriend. 

That's just a weird thing for her to say and I have no idea what her point is when saying it.


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## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

*Re: Re: Ladies, did you have "puppy love" for your husband?*



ScarletBegonias said:


> wth is puppy love? lol She's a 30 yr old grown woman and she's thinking about the feelings she had for her high school boyfriend??
> 
> Obviously this "puppy love" is something that doesn't last otherwise she'd still be w/her high school boyfriend.
> 
> That's just a weird thing for her to say and I have no idea what her point is when saying it.


I guess we're in a funk so maybe she's relating our relationship with her puppy love high school relationship in her head. BTW, she's 37 now. She was 30 when we got married.


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## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

Her dad made her break up with her high school boyfriend because he didn't like him for her and she did. It really wasn't her breakup. The good thing is that she met the guy before we started dating after like nine years and she says they went on line two dates but she didn't feel the same for him and within weeks she met me and fell in love with me


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

I would suggest you and your wife read the 5 love languages.

Learning each others' languages will be helpful, but also the lesson about new love versus longer lasting love would be an important lesson for your wife.


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## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

*Re: Re: Ladies, did you have "puppy love" for your husband?*



Dad&Hubby said:


> I would suggest you and your wife read the 5 love languages.
> 
> Learning each others' languages will be helpful, but also the lesson about new love versus longer lasting love would be an important lesson for your wife.


I'll check that book out. Tks


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

I have heard of the puppy love. It is a reference to your first love, usually when you are young, teens. At least, that is how I understood it. 

She seems like she is fighting with her own emotions really. Questioning thoughts and trying to diverge onto something else, something that made her feel good since she isn't feeling so great right now.

I don't know how much attention I would pay to that. That's to far out of sight.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Yes, I can relate to what your wife is saying...

My first love when I was 16 dove deep into my soul

but my first husband never did and I always tried to get him to go deeper, but he never slowed down long enough and allowed himself to explore deeper emotions with himself or with me. 

My second husband dives deeper into my soul than my first love, effortlessly because he is innately emotionally deep.

Sounds like she is emotionally deep and is craving that depth. 

Are you willing to explore emotional depth with her?

She is wanting time to stand still and the world shut out moments with you..


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## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

*Re: Re: Ladies, did you have "puppy love" for your husband?*



bkaydezz said:


> I have heard of the puppy love. It is a reference to your first love, usually when you are young, teens. At least, that is how I understood it.
> 
> She seems like she is fighting with her own emotions really. Questioning thoughts and trying to diverge onto something else, something that made her feel good since she isn't feeling so great right now.
> 
> I don't know how much attention I would pay to that. That's to far out of sight.


Bingo, exactly what I was thinking. 

Something that made her feel good since she isn't feeling so great right now...


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

As the saying goes" Great minds think alike."

She will probably apologize for it later and explain to you why she said it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

305rob305 said:


> when we got married she loved me with all her heart but didn't have that puppy love like the one she had with her first boyfriend in high school.


Well, comparing a high school love experience (first love) to love at 30 is not at all the same. It's just not. Not even in the same ballpark.

I did not love my ex husband the way I loved my first love, but that's because I was sixteen (first love) and it is a good thing I didn't love ex that way. But I loved ex in a more mature way, different and with all of my heart.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Obviously this "puppy love" is something that doesn't last otherwise she'd still be w/her high school boyfriend.
> 
> That's just a weird thing for her to say and I have no idea what her point is when saying it.


I'm guessing "puppy love" is a kind of infatuation, or passionate excitement, like when you meet someone new. 

I probably had something like that with my first husband, and it was a kind of marriage that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. 

My current H was a slow build, we were truly friends first, and I remember being a little concerned that I didn't have that mad excitement with him in the beginning. Stupid....I'm ridiculously happy with him, and hope my kids end up with a marriage like mine. I think your wife is grasping at straws and being incredibly unrealistic...looking to point a finger at some obscure blame for her unhappiness instead of looking at the real issues and doing something about them.


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## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

*Re: Re: Ladies, did you have "puppy love" for your husband?*



Blossom Leigh said:


> Yes, I can relate to what your wife is saying...
> 
> My first love when I was 16 dove deep into my soul
> 
> ...


You're right. 

" Sounds like she is emotionally deep and is craving that depth."

She has told me a couple of times that she wants us to be connect stronger. I just hope it's not too late... I don't want to loose her or my beautiful kids


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

1st H and I were great friends, but I still needed my depth touched

2nd H and I can touch the depth easily but we are having to learn how to love well since we are more volatile. 

I could be a mistake to "justify" your thoughts that she is "grasping, unrealistic, etc." minimizing what she is communicating.

She is simply telling you she is craving more depth and to ignore that is to ignore it at your own peril. Don't worry about WHO it was that gave her that, otherwise you will remain defensive. Trust me if you realize and accept she is just telling you in her own way that she wants more depth and you move in that direction, she will blossom and you will have some PERMANENT brownie points.:smthumbup:


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## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

*Re: Re: Ladies, did you have "puppy love" for your husband?*



daffodilly said:


> I'm guessing "puppy love" is a kind of infatuation, or passionate excitement, like when you meet someone new.
> 
> I probably had something like that with my first husband, and it was a kind of marriage that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
> 
> My current H was a slow build, we were truly friends first, and I remember being a little concerned that I didn't have that mad excitement with him in the beginning. Stupid....I'm ridiculously happy with him, and hope my kids end up with a marriage like mine. I think your wife is grasping at straws and being incredibly unrealistic...looking to point a finger at some obscure blame for her unhappiness instead of looking at the real issues and doing something about them.


Wow good insight. Thabks


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

305rob305 said:


> You're right.
> 
> " Sounds like she is emotionally deep and is craving that depth."
> 
> She has told me a couple of times that she wants us to be connect stronger. I just hope it's not too late... I don't want to loose her or my beautiful kids


Then if you have that desire you WILL succeed.... BRAVO:smthumbup: There are all kinds of resources to explore this. Probably would help and satisfy her to just tell her "you know what honey, I hear your craving for deep connection and I definitely intend to explore this with you. Will you be patient while I experiment?" I BET you will catch her off guard and she will VERY much appreciate it.


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## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

*Re: Re: Ladies, did you have "puppy love" for your husband?*



Blossom Leigh said:


> Then if you have that desire you WILL succeed.... BRAVO:smthumbup: There are all kinds of resources to explore this. Probably would help and satisfy her to just tell her "you know what honey, I hear your craving for deep connection and I definitely intend to explore this with you. Will you be patient while I experiment?" I BET you will catch her off guard and she will VERY much appreciate it.


I sure will speak to her tonight. Thank you


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

So welcome!:smthumbup:


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I dont know what that means.


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## lovelifeandwanttoenjoyit (Sep 14, 2013)

305rob305 said:


> I guess we're in a funk so maybe she's relating our relationship with her puppy love high school relationship in her head. BTW, she's 37 now. She was 30 when we got married.


The moment you use the past for the future it becomes a big problem....I learn that through therapy and working through my own issues...

You have to pass your though process through a new filter in order to make real change, otherwise is the same old thing except the person doing it finds ways to justify his or her thinking. Basically you live in a state of illusion! 

All the best!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

That's messed up OP. To compare her loving husband and father of her 3 children to some low life in high school.

I would be pissed. Keep that crap to yourself. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

DoF said:


> That's messed up OP. To compare her loving husband and father of her 3 children to some low life in high school.
> 
> I would be pissed. Keep that crap to yourself. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.


But that's where she was, DoF. She needs to be transparent with him. They can work through her issues together. Their bond will be stronger.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Well, comparing a high school love experience (first love) to love at 30 is not at all the same. It's just not. Not even in the same ballpark.
> 
> I did not love my ex husband the way I loved my first love, but that's because I was sixteen (first love) and it is a good thing I didn't love ex that way. But I loved ex in a more mature way, different and with all of my heart.


I love your post JB.

Puppy love, first love etc. isn't even love. It's the minds inability to comprehend the crazy chemical release of positive hormones. It's a euphoria caused more by our own brains than the other person. When you look back on your "first love", think logically. Was it all emotions, driven from within yourself or was it the other person's actions and behaviors. What I mean is think WHERE those feelings came from. It is a self induced euphoria. Part of the magic of first love is people have never felt those chemicals before. It's like your first high, what's the saying with heroin, "You'll never have a high as good as your first but you can die trying" or something like that.

True Love is a choice. It's the active process of looking at the person you CHOSE to spend your life with, recognizing their positive qualities that attract you to them, accepting the negative qualities as to not harbor resentments and expressing that love in the form of intimacy, communication, respect, trust and lust. Love is something you give freely of yourself and is given to you. It's NOT a chemical reaction....that's lust.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Blossom Leigh said:


> 1st H and I were great friends, but I still needed my depth touched
> 
> 2nd H and I can touch the depth easily but we are having to learn how to love well since we are more volatile.
> 
> ...


This is great advice OP. I don't necessarily subscribe that your wife is asking for a deeper connection. She could actually be craving that first love feeling. 

Deeper connection =/= First love feeling.

Deeper connection is true love on steroids. Will this satisfy your wife's needs. Hopefully, but the reason I see this as great advice is it's the best path for you. You CAN NOT give her the first love feeling because.....YOU AREN'T HER FIRST LOVE. Noone will ever be. Even if she dated the guy who was her first love...it wouldn't give her the first love feeling again. She might feel pangs of it through nostalgia, but you can never remake what has come and gone.

Building a deeper connection could provide your wife with what she NEEDS though, not necessarily what she's asking for.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Then my first H was just Love

My 2nd H is Lust AND Love, which is my preference....

There is no replacing that rocking you to your core feeling AND laying your life down for love feeling

2nd H and I are having to learn to love well and let go strategically and resist controlling each other because it gets volatile. We are making great strides. This man has gone from being a child to praying BEAUTIFUL prayers over us and our family daily by his own accord... Divine intervention has happened in our household and it is amazing... Doesn't mean it's perfect, but the contrast is mind boggling. One grateful woman....

For me it is about someone who has the capacity to go deep emotionally and intimately, which takes raw courage imo, it is not for the faint of heart since the level of honesty and vulnerability it requires is scary.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Any REAL relationship rarely has "puppy love" anymore..as getting to know someone from the inside out..putting up with someone's up's and downs..being there for them, loving them day in and day out and getting through all that..it goes WAAY beyond simple "puppy love"

Almost everyone has experienced that regarding their first boyfriend/girlfriend, along with the newfound feelings we all feel when we first meet someone.

However...those aren't TRUE feelings. True feeling come from what I mentioned above. Sticking with someone through thick and through thin. Loving them on their good days and bad days. Getting through things as a couple when you know you love someone enough to stick with them throughout all that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Dad&Hubby said:


> I love your post JB.
> 
> Puppy love, first love etc. isn't even love. It's the minds inability to comprehend the crazy chemical release of positive hormones. It's a euphoria caused more by our own brains than the other person. When you look back on your "first love", think logically. *Was it all emotions, driven from within yourself or was it the other person's actions and behaviors*. What I mean is think WHERE those feelings came from. It is a self induced euphoria. Part of the magic of first love is people have never felt those chemicals before. It's like your first high, what's the saying with heroin, "You'll never have a high as good as your first but you can die trying" or something like that.


 I married my 1st Love.. though I have used the term "Puppy Love" for all the very small insignificant boys before him -some I never even kissed.. I had BFs since 5th grade.. met him in 10th...

From what I outlined in blue (above)....for me. it WAS his actions and behaviors that won me over.. Sure we both had those chemicals too.. but we also had our feet on the ground.. we just hit it off , always wanted to be together.. this really never stopped... 

I am happy I married my 1st Love, as I tend to take relationships very seriously and I'd probably want to hold on to all the euphoric memories... I just know I would think back.. and wonder where is my 1st Love today... even if I married someone else, I think that curiosity would stir me now & then. (I can only imagine though!...I guess it is all speculation really).. 



> *True Love is a choice. It's the active process of looking at the person you CHOSE to spend your life with, recognizing their positive qualities that attract you to them, accepting the negative qualities as to not harbor resentments and expressing that love in the form of intimacy, communication, respect, trust and lust. Love is something you give freely of yourself and is given to you. It's NOT a chemical reaction....that's lust.*


 I agree with all you say here.. I did break up with my H a very short time to date another ..and I realized through that I missed my best friend, he was my Future... my decision was made... and I never looked back....that was 32 yrs ago.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I married my first love too. 

We hold boxes of letters and cards exchanged over the years. Looking back to the very first notes, some are worn down so much where they were kept in a wallet and read and re-read ...but obviously with time, we mature and our needs change as well. The notes change as a result. The tricky (and exhilarating part, depending on your perception) is learning how to ebb and flow with one another. 

The puppy love phase is making him a mix-tape. And him writing me cards. We both still love these gestures. To me it's the romantic illusion. In a relationship however, that needs to be balanced with the realities of life and living with one another. I'm grateful we had those moments and have also managed to continue to grow together. I couldn't imagine being the way I was with him with anyone else. It was a special time. I love how our relationship has grown. I've loved being on this journey with him. Although we may fondly reflect on those moments, and every so often revisit those letters and photos and the way we were, the reality is that sh!t is happening now... it's all about now.

There are some great suggestions in this post - what she feels she is missing / craving... to her shifting the responsibility. It's all of these things.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I think I do feel a "puppy" love for my hubby. I would define "puppy love" as a love that is slightly irrational... like thinking about the others persons sexy body or the way he blinks at you or his favourite expressions and feeling sligthly crazy with love and longing for the person if he is not there.

... but I was younger when I married.

Still I sometimes wonder what it would be like if my life was very different / we had not married. To my mind that is what people are like. Whenever you do something, there is something else which you cannot do? Know what I mean?

Everything that happens in your life closes the door for something else... and I sometimes wonder what would be behind the closed doors... and will never know.

I would try to find out what it is she is missing in your current relationship if she missing anything.


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