# A new chapter in my life



## timbre (Oct 3, 2011)

and one I never thought I would have to open or write.

I've got a thread over in the general section that was originally a look what I have accomplished thread.. It has quickly gone downhill and look where I'm posting now.

As of last weekend my wife of 10 years asked for a trial seperation. I'm in shock. I knew it was a possibility becasue we have been having the same argument for a while and I was on my third strike.

To add to those problems it came out over the weekend that she had also cheated on me.

I'm stupid to want her back but I do and will forgive anything in the past.

My original plan was to live in the downstairs of our house while she lived upstairs. That way I could stay close to my two boys. Strangly enough one of her good friends (who is also one of mine) pointed out to me all the errors of that. She told me I need to make my wife miss me... need to make her worry what I am doing. Need to make her realize what she is missing by having me gone.

So I started loading up my camper last night. I have a few friends that I can park it in their yard and stay for a while. I started last night to put into practice some of the things that my friend had told me. I stayed out of conversations, was nice but did my best to go about what I needed to do without her help.

The change was amazing. She normally doesn't offer help when I am doing stuff. I think three times she asked if she could help. Came out and stood around watching... Everytime I came upstairs for something I would wait until I knew she was in bed with the kids yet she would come to ask me something or tell me something.

I decided to take a walk to clear my head a bit. She had asked that I txt when I got back to make sure I was safe. About halfway into the walk she was already texting asking if I was home or if she should feed the dog. I waited for a while before replying and then kept it very short. When I did get home the only thing I said was the dog was fed. She once again asked if I wanted to talk about anything.

It's wierd to have that much attention

So tonight after my first of many to come counseling appointments, I will finish loading the camper with stuff. Put my car on the trailer and drive down the driveway. It is going to rip me apart to do this but I know it has to be done.

I'm only going 10 minutes away from the house but my plan is to go dark with only one phone call a day to the boys to say goodnight. I'm going to try this for a week and see the results.

I have to learn to focus not on 1 month down the road or 6 months or a year... I can only focus on today and then tomorrow.

I asked my friend why she was doing this for me. Why does she want to be involved in making me a better person. Her answer back was she wants to see me and my wife back together becasue that is where we belong and this is her way of helping. She plans to get me out and do things (I'm a homebody to the max) to make my wife wonder and want to be around me.

If anyone has advice, please let me know. I have never been here before, I know I will make mistakes... but damn it. I want my wife back... I want to hold her, kiss her, make love to her.. and be that husband I should have been for the past 10 years.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Dude, why did YOU leave? You didn't CHEAT, she DID.

I would reverse course and kick her out. Trial separations are usually done for one main reason: For the cheating spouse to EAT THEIR CAKE (cheat some more with less / no guilt). 

Ignore her friends advice. It is likely the friend maybe TOXIC and enabling the cheating ways of your spouse. You need to MAN UP and take charge of your household. If she files for D, she could also say you ABANDONED your family. How's that for keeping your family intact.

Tell your wife she can MOVE OUT and EARN HER WAY back in.


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## timbre (Oct 3, 2011)

problem is I work 70 miles away from home. I can't afford daycare and she has always taken the boys to work. I am doing this only for the children. I don't want to interrupt their lives.

She can't claim abandonment. I'm not changing the finances at this point.

The friend actually found out after I did about the affair. I trust the riend. I can't explain the trust (that My wife had hidden it from everyone. Seriously everyone in our circle of friends.


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## Cheesy (Aug 3, 2011)

I had a similar issue timbre...I understand people saying 'she cheated kick her out' but most of the time with kids involved it's not possible. I struggled enough with the aftermath of my cheating wife...to have had to organise before and after school care for the kids and look after them 24/7 initially in the house after kicking her out would have been an even bigger nightmare...and probably cost me my job


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