# How Do You Juggle Work and Being a Mom?



## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Hey ladies! Thought this would be a cool topic. For those that have jobs, how do you balance career and being a mom? Do you sometimes feel like your work suffers trying to be a mom at the same time? Or are you able to find a good balance where it all works?


I'm having issues trying to put in the amount of time my career needs to make it amazing. I'd love to hear how you ladies make it work!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I feel I have a good balance between my career and motherhood. I've been very, very fortunate in that we've never had to use unknown babysitters ever. We always had family or trusted friends of the family to help out when we were both at work. Most of the time they came to our home. I know that's not the case for most people. Once kids start school then it's really the drop off, pick up and extracurricular activities that you have to coordinate. We do that pretty well, I think. We've had to work out some bumps, but right now, we have a good balance. My husband and I have a good system for sharing household responsibilities. It works for us. 

I find that I'm calmer and less stressed at home if I have a chunk of time each weekday away from the house. My job gives some flexibility in hours and location of where I do my work so I'm not at the office very late into the evening. I like having a career where I can support my family. Some of the extracuricular activities cost a lot so it helps to have a dual income especially where I live.

I come from a family where women had careers long before it was common so this is what's "normal" for me. And look, I turned out just fine.


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

In my experience its not possible to have a fulfilling career (rather than just a job) and be a good mum. I wouldn't want any hypothetical kids of mine to grow up feeling like a burden. I know what that's like and it sucks.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

mildlyperplexed said:


> In my experience its not possible to have a fulfilling career (rather than just a job) and be a good mum. I wouldn't want any hypothetical kids of mine to grow up feeling like a burden. I know what that's like and it sucks.


I'm sorry you grew up feeling like a burden. How awful  BIG HUG.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> I feel I have a good balance between my career and motherhood. I've been very, very fortunate in that we've never had to use unknown babysitters ever. We always had family or trusted friends of the family to help out when we were both at work. Most of the time they came to our home. I know that's not the case for most people. Once kids start school then it's really the drop off, pick up and extracurricular activities that you have to coordinate. We do that pretty well, I think. We've had to work out some bumps, but right now, we have a good balance. My husband and I have a good system for sharing household responsibilities. It works for us.
> 
> I find that I'm calmer and less stressed at home if I have a chunk of time each weekday away from the house. My job gives some flexibility in hours and location of where I do my work so I'm not at the office very late into the evening. I like having a career where I can support my family. Some of the extracuricular activities cost a lot so it helps to have a dual income especially where I live.
> 
> I come from a family where women had careers long before it was common so this is what's "normal" for me. And look, I turned out just fine.


That's awesome you've found your groove!  And I like the fact that you feel less stressed getting away from home now and then. I think that's something I need to try. 

Right now my I'm struggling to find my balance. I work only at home, and we have no family to help watch the kids, so I spend all my day on the kids/house and then fit work in whenever I can. This of course means NO free time whatsoever, and still not enough time to make my career what I want it to be, so I'm struggling. Also hard because I'd love another child, but I couldn't do so without giving up on my career for a few years (until all are in school). It's a rough decision.

Thank you for your post! It's so nice to know it can be done!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I work from home for the most part unless I take an on-site job (by choice, which I do from time to time) and I just work whenever. It's research work, usually on the computer, and very flexible. Sometimes when I'm being a mom like skiing with my kids I have time to think about my work, work out algorithms and data problems...or I take reading or research I need to do, to the library when my kids have library time when one is waiting for the other to take gymnastics/dance...and I take my writing work to the cafe and sit with my daughter while my son has art lessons. I think having a vocation (vs. it being work, for just pay and nothing else but drudgery) is good for the soul and the intellect. Kids should see their parents enjoying their worklife, whatever it is, and also their home life and their personal lives as well. 

I never heard of equating work with being something bad that's gonna hurt your little ones. I used to nurse my baby in the middle of the night while I was programming, took my kids to client meetings on site, took them to conferences and to programming meetings when I belonged to a programmer's group. Sometimes I take them to my class when they don't have school and the subject matter isn't inappropriate. They've been set up with movies in a theater while I worked, and also another time here at school while I was taking a final exam. If you have kids, it doesn't mean you have no other identity than being a mom. I find the idea of having kids without any means to support them and yourself ridiculous. As we have all seen here on this forum, no marriage is a sure thing, and child support only goes so far. 

A vocation is good for everyone, even if it is volunteer.

I have one kid who is 22 and I worked all his life. He homeschooled for 4th-9th grade even. My other two are 9 and 12. They are home right now and doing their homework and I'm about to vpn into a university and crunch some data on a request that came in today. Later they'll play outside with their friends and I'll do some other research, start writing an article. After dinner, still more research yet. They will probably play a board game or work in their art studio on some pieces. This all seems pretty normal to me. If the weather were better, we'd all be at the ski mountain this afternoon, but it was all slushy so I walked to school and then walked home the 1/2 mile with them and the two boys from next door.

My work is not trivial. Faculty jockey to get me on their project. I used to also contract out to Harvard. Right now I'm kind of on cruise control because I'm in college (right downtown in our village, again, not a conflict with being a mom at all...) but when I finish school I expect to ramp up my work a bit as time for that becomes more available. I still probably will not work entirely on site, but that is also because of wanting a small carbon footprint and working from home does it for me. Although I do like to dress up and go hang out in person with other researchers.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I work from home for the most part unless I take an on-site job (by choice, which I do from time to time) and I just work whenever. It's research work, usually on the computer, and very flexible. Sometimes when I'm being a mom like skiing with my kids I have time to think about my work, work out algorithms and data problems...or I take reading or research I need to do, to the library when my kids have library time when one is waiting for the other to take gymnastics/dance...and I take my writing work to the cafe and sit with my daughter while my son has art lessons. I think having a vocation (vs. it being work, for just pay and nothing else but drudgery) is good for the soul and the intellect. Kids should see their parents enjoying their worklife, whatever it is, and also their home life and their personal lives as well.
> 
> I never heard of equating work with being something bad that's gonna hurt your little ones. I used to nurse my baby in the middle of the night while I was programming, took my kids to client meetings on site, took them to conferences and to programming meetings when I belonged to a programmer's group. Sometimes I take them to my class when they don't have school and the subject matter isn't inappropriate. They've been set up with movies in a theater while I worked, and also another time here at school while I was taking a final exam. If you have kids, it doesn't mean you have no other identity than being a mom. I find the idea of having kids without any means to support them and yourself ridiculous. As we have all seen here on this forum, no marriage is a sure thing, and child support only goes so far.
> 
> A vocation is good for everyone, even if it is volunteer.


I have to give you an e-high five for breastfeeding while programing! I had to draw while breastfeeding a couple years ago!  Talk about multi-tasking!

And I agree with everything else you said as well!  Thank you for sharing!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

ComicBookLady said:


> I have to give you an e-high five for breastfeeding while programing! I had to draw while breastfeeding a couple years ago!  Talk about multi-tasking!
> 
> And I agree with everything else you said as well!  Thank you for sharing!


lol, it's called a sling. You just adjust it to where you need it to be. Not a problem. Says so many billion happy babies in Asia and Africa, South American, etc.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> lol, it's called a sling. You just adjust it to where you need it to be. Not a problem. Says so many billion happy babies in Asia and Africa, South American, etc.


Haha, sling or no, there's something awesome about "Oh I'm just working on my awesome career, earning money for my family, and _producing complete nourishment for another human being_" all at the same time.  

I'd like to see my husband do that! (not literally of course)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

ComicBookLady said:


> Haha, sling or no, there's something awesome about "Oh I'm just working on my awesome career, earning money for my family, and _producing complete nourishment for another human being_" all at the same time.
> 
> I'd like to see my husband do that! (not literally of course)


lol, I never thought of it that way. I was just doing what seemed normal, on both counts. It never occurred to me to think of vocation as a career. As soon as I was able to earn my own money, doing chores and then having a paper route and then babysitting, I was making money. I got my work permit the day I was old enough to get it. I was so excited. Even when I was 3 or 4 I published a little newspaper and sold it out on my front lawn, along with apples from our trees. Since then, I've fine-tuned my skills to suit a specific niche, evolved with the times. It doesn't feel like I'm working per se, as achieved some kind of symbiotic participation in the overall flow of money in the world economy. Same thing with being a mom. I had a baby and that made me a mother, technically, but it didn't change who I was, essentially. I evolved into the parenting thing, and the kids also evolved as well. I like that I have time to nurture their talents and interests.

Hey, funny story. My eldest (22) replied to my offer of lending him my car this summer while I'm in Mongolia...but mom, who is going to watch the kids while you're (presumably) in Mongolia. I was like, presumably? Coming from a kid who was born in Japan while I was living in China and then carted around Asia for two years as a red-headed sideshow in Red China, presumably is a strong word to use. Did he actually think I was not going? lol. I told him, they are going to camp for 2 weeks and then to a day camp at their dad's place for 3 weeks. What did 22 year old think I did the summers he wanted to go to camp for 8 weeks straight, twiddle my thumbs outside the camp gate, staring at the totem poles that were guarding it? (Actually, one summer I did live at a Gite in the same town all summer....lol.) Yes, mommy is going to Asia, get over it, people do that all the time.
Presumably....I mean, apparently. :rofl:


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think having a vocation (vs. it being work, for just pay and nothing else but drudgery) is good for the soul and the intellect. Kids should see their parents enjoying their worklife, whatever it is, and also their home life and their personal lives as well.
> 
> I never heard of equating work with being something bad that's gonna hurt your little ones. I used to nurse my baby in the middle of the night while I was programming, took my kids to client meetings on site, took them to conferences and to programming meetings when I belonged to a programmer's group. Sometimes I take them to my class when they don't have school and the subject matter isn't inappropriate. They've been set up with movies in a theater while I worked, and also another time here at school while I was taking a final exam. If you have kids, it doesn't mean you have no other identity than being a mom. I find the idea of having kids without any means to support them and yourself ridiculous. As we have all seen here on this forum, no marriage is a sure thing, and child support only goes so far.
> 
> A vocation is good for everyone, even if it is volunteer.



:iagree:

I love what you said.

I've always worked too. It didn't occur to me not to. My mom worked so did my aunts and grandmothers. As a teen, I did babysitting or dog walking. I work full-time outside the home not because of some deep-rooted work ethic, but I love what I do. My husband doesn't like his job as much so he's baffled that when Monday morning rolls around I don't groan about going back to work again 

No marriage is a sure thing. Just look at the stories on this board. My parents impressed upon me from a young age that having an advanced degree in a lucrative field would help me to provide well for a family, and also in the event of a death or divorce leave me well prepared to support my children if I had to parent solo. The thought of being completely at the mercy of another person, trapped in a miserable marriage just so my family could eat and have shelter makes me shudder now as it did then. For me..I'm only speaking for me..it would be hard to stay at home for 15 or 20 years letting the professional world pass go by, only to find myself at 40 or 45 years old, suddenly needing to support myself and my children and having no idea where to begin. My nieces and nephews who are graduating from college this year are having a difficult time finding jobs so I can't imagine how it would be for a middle aged person entering the professional work force for the first time in decades.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

It's hard for me. At my job the people who work more hours make more money because we get bonuses. The people who produce more tend to be seen as the best. 
I am remarried. My daughter is 8. She's known my husband for three years. I don't feel comfortable leaving her with anyone else for long periods of time. She isn't close enough with her stepdad for me to feel ok with it. 
At most I've worked three or four hours of OT a week, while coworkers are doing ten or more. 
My ex lives two hours away so he is no help. 
My D has asthma and sensory integration issues. I'm having her evaluated for ADHD next month. 
I am the one constant in her life. 
I do the best I can at work and at home but sometimes I feel like Im being stretched in two directions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I find it really hard to balance a career and being a good mom. I'm a single mom on top of it, so it's full on when I pick up my kids at 5:30pm every night. I also commute over an hour each way to get to and from work everyday. I've been doing this for about 9 months now on my own. I do find it getting easier with time, which helps me deal with not being around for my kids as much as I would like. But I also want my kids to know that I love my job, and I have a passion. I was a stay at home for 7 years, put my career on hold, and I was absolutely miserable, my kids knew I was not happy.

I make sure we have dinner together every night, and I've recently forced myself to sit down and relax after dinner and really talk with my kids instead of worrying about cleaning up etc. I don't think it's easy for any mom to balance it the way we want it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I have to say that when my eldest was younger, I commuted and I used two home-schooled teens who lived on either side of me in a small grange-based neighborhood (very rural) to watch him after school. But I had a research job so if I needed to I could stay home, leave work early, work from home, etc. The third year of that job he went to a school up near my work, and commuted with me. But again, same flexibility, if it snowed we did not hit the road as it was 1.25 hours one way to drop him off, then 0.25 miles for me back to work. He went to school from 8ish until I think 3. Some days he went to the town library where his school was after school with his friend, or went home with his friend, or even had a sleepover with his friend. It was all good.

With my younger two, I still work in research but as I said more from home. But we decided where we were going to live, to minimize walk time for them to school, and for me to my brick and mortar college program. Also so we could mountain bike right out our front door, have a garden, a firepit, a compost bin, clotheslines, but also the blessing of a landlord who will plow and take care of maintenance, and our neighbors are all awesome (well, we all have our quirks) but we live in a corner of a village with its own little corner name and the kids can run outside and even the toys out there have become communal. 

So here it is 10:30 and I just sent off the results of a request for data I got asked for earlier today...but I walked to school to pick up kids and then walked back with 4 of them, 2 refused a ride with the other neighbor so they could walk with me. Tomorrow is a day off I'm going with my neighbor on a girls day out. Well, we are going to a Trader Joe's and then Chinese dim sum, when I get back to town my daughter has dance and I'll go to the library with my son, then I take my kids to an on campus newspaper meeting for me (the other students don't mind at all, neither do the kids) and then a lacrosse meeting at the town grange building on the way home (all of this is within minutes of our home) as my daughter wants to play lacrosse. I have to write an essay in the evening and probably will do more work if I have time. If not, I'll get to it Wednesday between classes.

What I did was to put my lifestyle first and minimize my needs to the priorities that mattered to me. I found ways to reduce costs (like not needing a lot of gas or car repair, or babysitting/child care) and then made sure I had enough work (and educational benefits) to support all that.

Yes life is 'tough' in that you generally have to work, but it's important not to make yourself a slave to the system, you will always feel better if you can make choices that contribute to your well being and that of your family. It might seem like there is no other way, but our perception is very limited. Opportunities are there for change, but it does require to put some energy (and sometimes patience) behind it.

Are you okay, diwali123, it does not sound like a good situation if you have an 8 year old girl and the situation with her stepfather is not good/awkward and you don't feel okay with him watching her. It sounds very iffy. Things should not be like that with a man and a stepdaughter. What do you do if you need to go out and he is at home, how do you get a babysitter? Or do you have to take her to someone else's house if you go out in the evening or on the weekend and she's to stay home?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Oh that's not what I meant at all. I just don't feel good about leaving her with anyone for hours and hours except for maybe my mon. It's not that they don't get along or I don't trust him. He is wonderful. Since the divorce we have moved four times in five years. Her life has been nothing but change and I feel like I need to be there for her because I'm the default parent; the constant; the stability in her life. He's a wonderful man but I feel guilty with all she's been through choosing my career over her. He is there for us. He is home with her when I need it. I'm just not willing to spend ten or more hours a week at work in over time. It's just different with step parents. I love my step sons but I know I am no replacement for their father or their mother. These are times we will never get back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm sure it depends on the profession. I am a project coordinator and inside sales. I don't have to travel much (couple times a year max) and I'm in the office 8-5. Sometimes I do need to work late; other times I can simply reply to emails on my phone which I do often because it comes across as very responsive which is important for my customers. Some are even surprised when they get an immediate reply at 8pm.

I just 'fell' into this but I love what I do, it's definitely a career and not a job (two promotions in 9 years) and yet I'm there for my daughter.

I'm fortunate that my company is VERY flexible - leave early/long lunch/come in late, etc. for school programs, teacher meetings, dentist appointments - whatever. 

When she was little she went to both before and after-school care. Now she gets on the bus 10 minutes after I leave for work, has activities some days after school; others she takes the bus home and I'm there an hour and a half later.

I'd like to go back to school but not now because a) it wouldn't accelerate my career any; and, b) it would lessen my evening quality time with her.

How easy it would be if I had a husband to help! Because in addition to that there is yard work, house work, laundry, home and car maintenance, etc.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

Badly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Oh no, Michie, what are your difficulties? 

And thanks to all you ladies for your stories! It's SOOO heartening to see such strong, independent moms out there!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I agree with CBL, Michie, dump it all here and we can brainstorm.
<3


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I agree with CBL, Michie, dump it all here and we can brainstorm.
> <3


OOOH and I forgot to post on how much I LOVED your story about your son, and your travelling! :smthumbup: How funny!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Last night I took a power nap while the kids put together some Valentine's 'cards' for my daughter's class. They cut out some foil hearts, pasted them on cardboard potting starter cups, made labels for names out of masking tape, and planted marigold seeds in them. We are going to make sticks for them that say, "Let your love grow!" But the point is, I slept through most of this. They had a good time, I woke up in time to put them to bed and then stayed up to write an exam essay that was assigned Monday and due today early a.m., none of the usual wiggle room, and I had plans all day yesterday...


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

I've tried to be a good mom and yet have a great career but to be honest its possible to have both but to be best at both is not that easy. I have always put my kids first and had a job, never tried to compete with colleagues without kids it was just not worth it. Well, I can change job but not the kids


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