# I discoverd that he hires prositutes when away on business..



## EUPalum (Jan 23, 2008)

I'm new to this site - just came across it and read some posts. I decided to write one of my own and ask for support and advice. I've been divorced for almost 8 years now - my ex had an affair with a high school student. It took many long days, months, and years to move forward after that shock of a life time. Since then I've been in several committed relationships, 4 to be exact all of which ended up with infidelity by the man. I find that I trust too much and counseling has helped me understand that I seem to pick the wrong men. 

Up until this weekend, I thought I had finally found the one, the right man - the one who would never cheat on me and never cause me to be distrusting - so we decided to move in together and plan for our future.... until recently when things started to not add up. He stopped answering his cell phone, it was constantly going to voice mail, "spontaneously" changes plans, he would come to bed every night between 1:30 and 3 AM - knowing that he had to be up for work by 6 AM, he began to pick fights over extremely stupid stuff, he has lacked any initiative to be intimate with me...the list could go on. So I confronted him about it - I asked if there was someone else. He animately denied it. I began to do some research, and discovered with absolute certainty that he has been hiring prostitutes for "outcalls" to his hotel rooms when he is away on business. This appears to be happening approximately once a month. Upon further research, I discovered that he had also began perusing and the began to date another women , who just last week decided that "he wasn't her type". This past Friday he drove an interviewee to the airport where some sort of connection happened - he didn't want to see her go and felt something when they hugged good bye at her gate...

I am heartbroken and feel betrayed and beaten up. I confronted him about my "suspicions" telling him that I have this feeling in my gut and that I can't ignore that something "unhealthy" was going on. I explained that with my all of my experiences with infidelity, my woman's intuition has NEVER been wrong. He told me, straight out, that I should not ignore my intuition, but this time it's wrong. I can't tell him about the evidence I have - and I only acquired it because my gut told me that something wasn't right - and unfortunately, it was proven to be an accurate feeling again. He has yet to come forward and admit anything has happened.

Bottom line is that he wants to work on it - he offered to go to couples counseling. I'm not sure how I want to handle this - I love him dearly and I'm terrified at the same time. I told him that if I decided to stay with him, that there will some ground rules - we both must get STD testing done and we will not have sex until the results are returned, we will attend couples therapy and be open minded enough to allow it to work, his life needs to be an open book - he offered for me to have access to his laptop, anytime I want, he offered the hotel phone numbers that he stays at regularly and said that I could call directly into his room any time I feel I need to...etc. When I confronted him with this "feeling" that I had, I told him that I wanted him to move out - he is living in my home. I gave him until the end of January to find a new place (11 days). I used the excuse that we weren't getting along and that we should just cut our ties and move on. I said that I felt that I couldn't trust him any more.....he then told me that he would do everything in his power to make this relationship work, but still denied the infidelity.

I feel that he has some major issues that I can't help him with. Last night he told me that he was going to look for apartments, to have just in case I decide to "give him the boot again". I told him that he didn't need to worry about that and that I would give him ample time to find a place if the time came where we decided that it didn't work.

Bottom line is, I'm so broken and battered at this point, I just don't know what to do. I want to give him another chance - I want to try to make this work for my sake. Mainly because if this doesn't work out, I want to be able to say that I tried my hardest to make it work. I'm so torn right now. Please help.... I'm scared.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

You have a tough choice. One thing is if you feel hurt and in dismay let him go. However, one suggestion is for you to go to counciling by yourself. It maybe that you will never trust a man no matter what considering all you have been through. There are good men out there, so don't sell all men short.

COnsidering the fact you have ground rules like the STD checks etc. if you give him another chance I say you have a good start. 

How did you find out about the call girls?

draconis


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## EUPalum (Jan 23, 2008)

I discovered the call girls through emails. He had given me his password quite a while ago - and never used it until I felt that something wasn't right. Since I confronted him about everything he has provided me with access to his email account anytime I want it - however, I really don't trust that he doesn't have another account somewhere else. I'm finding that he is still lying about different things and I'm sure he is planning to move out within a few weeks. He still wants to work on this and wants to go to couples counseling. I am going to counseling myself because I clearly have so much to deal with. I can't really trust him anymore and it's killing me. He was the first person that I was able to trust after my divorce 8 years ago and now I feel betrayed and and can't seem to move forward.....but I think I still love him.


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

"....but I think I still love him."

i think that you have worked so hard to heal for many years that you dont want to give up on what you worked on. it sounds like this man is leading you on since he doesnt want to get kicked out of YOUR house just yet. please do yourself a life-changing event and move on because you deserve better. 

when i was younger, i dated this guy who i had doubts about all the time. i learned that he was cheating with many women and i dont know how far he went, but assuming with one of them it was all the way. he lied left and right, talked a lot of untrue garbage about me, and that it was always my fault as well as that i think "too negative" when it was really the gut feelings; those instincts that kept telling me the whole relationship with him just wasnt right. 

now i am with a guy who is sweet and nice. the problem is and was that he is a weak guy where many other guys where able to manipulate him. other women would tempt him all the time. and the trust issue shattered from the previous relationship enforced in me to not trust guys. over time i learned to trust the current guy and that helped me to learn what things to trust him on or not and when i knew he was lying. doesnt sound great, but for the most part he is trying. i learned to trust him, even though i still withold some trust just for the safety of my heart. 

so what i am trying to say is that before you get damaged any further carry your strength and move on. you clearly have the evidence of his immoral acts. 

and secondly, that if he stays any longer in the house and fixes things he could make claims in court and that you may lose your place. especially if this relationship drags any longer. depending if you live in one of those states that is community property. think about it.


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## Green-Moo (Feb 5, 2008)

If your partner had had just one fall from grace I'd recommend trying to move forward with the relationship, but you've got evidence of him doing it over & over. There's no excuse for it, so I personally wouldn't accept an apology & promises. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

Green-Moo


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## nurse2008 (Feb 19, 2008)

It sounds like your situation is a hard one. You allowed yourself to trust someone again, allowed yourself to be vulnerable with another man, and he let you down. Not once, but repeatedly.

Let's start with what you know...you know you can trust your intuition. It has not let you down. You had a feeling he was cheating, and he was. You trusted yourself and you were right. These are all things to be grateful for and gain strength from. You have been through this before. There's a saying I heard once...principles before personalities. 

It is difficult to rebuild trust. Hard when it happens once, but if it happens repeatedly, it is a conscious choice. It may be called a pattern. Maybe who you fell in love with and who you thought he was, is not entirely who he is. It is easy to project what we want to see onto someone else. I have made that mistake way too many times.

Find your strenght. Reflect. The answer is within you. 

Take care of yourself. And good luck.


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## tragic (Mar 3, 2008)

leave this guy. I hate to say it but that old dear abby advice are you better off with him or without him? In this case to me adds up to are you better off with sexually transmitted diseases or without them?

This man is abusive and narcissistic. LEAVE.


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## Liza (Jan 2, 2008)

The fact that you suspect something and confronted him and he is still cheating means that he will not change antyime soon. I am sure if you show up from under the bed in one of those motels room then he will apologise and say he's sorry, it's just not going to get better.


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