# I'm still here!



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Over the last year i have had 2 EA's One lasted about 8 months. the other lasted 3 months. I met him and I kissed him. I know what will come next.. 

I ask myself everyday why am i still here. Do I love my H, I thought i didn't, but i do. I have been on a road of self destructive behavior. Why? I have changed (maybe not for the better) where as my husband has stayed the exact same.. 

I never claimed to be perfect, far from it. I want what everyone else wants... To be happy. I was once and it seems so far out of reach, the more i reach for it the further away it seems to get. 

Maybe my thinking is warped? Talking to other men, has it really warped my brain, because there is more out there? My husband is pretty closed of sexually where i am more open. He won't talk about sex and when i bring it up, he flies off the handle. 

My h doesn't seem to understand, he doesn't get it no matter how i spell it out for him. and believe me i have talked and talked and talked, while he just got madder and madder and finally blew up.

I have told my h what i need from him and it goes ignored, he wont even put in any kind of effort. I guess i am just not ready to fully give up... yet, even though i know that things will continue to be the exact same as they are now... or worse. 

It really does HURT.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

sounds like a defense mechanism. You talk about sex and he gets mad because he secretly feels inadequate. Thats a tough nut to crack.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

ladybird said:


> I have told my h what i need from him and it goes ignored, he wont even put in any kind of effort. I guess i am just not ready to fully give up... yet, even though i know that things will continue to be the exact same as they are now... or worse.
> 
> It really does HURT.


Please explain how you have not given up if you have had two EA's in the past year? That is not working on your marriage. If you want to continue down that road, you owe it to both of you to end the marriage - for him because no one deserves to be cheated on - for you because you will very likely regret what you did.

Consider counseling for yourself and/or your husband to help you frame and move the discussion along. If you have reached the end of your rope, considering telling him about the EAs. It will likely force a decision - either he wakes up, or you two go your separate ways.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Please explain how you have not given up if you have had two EA's in the past year? That is not working on your marriage. If you want to continue down that road, you owe it to both of you to end the marriage - for him because no one deserves to be cheated on - for you because you will very likely regret what you did.
> 
> Consider counseling for yourself and/or your husband to help you frame and move the discussion along. If you have reached the end of your rope, considering telling him about the EAs. It will likely force a decision - either he wakes up, or you two go your separate ways.


:iagree:

@ ladybird ~

I think you need to make a decision. Either commit yourself to your marriage and your husband, or set him free. He deserves better than this.

If you decide to commit to him, come clean on the EAs, don't engage in any other ones, and get you and your husband into marriage counseling. Give it your all if you go down this path.

God Bless.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> :iagree:
> 
> @ ladybird ~
> 
> I think you need to make a decision. Either commit yourself to your marriage and your husband, or set him free. He deserves better than this.


To be clear, not only does he deserve better, but so do you. The mother of a friend went down this path and it devestated her. Those wrong decisions still haunt her. She lost her marriage permanently, and herself and her kids for awhile. There was a lot of pain in owning up to the bad decisions she made. Not about ending the marriage, but about not being honest and strong enough to tackle it head on.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I know it is wrong that is why it never went any further then an EA. My h knows about the first one, not the second one. Having an affair is not fair to either one of us.

I have been thinking about divorce for over 6 months. I even talked to him about it, told him that I am not happy with the way things are and he threatened me. Told me not to cross him.. WTF.. He does have anger problems and i am afraid of him.

I am thinking divorce may be the only solution at this point.


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