# I don't know if I should give up all together...



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm getting mixed messages from him and messages from friends of ours who give their personal take on the situation. I've had 3 sets of friends say that they believe that he still wants to be married but that he needs to get his pride out of the way first. A friend told me that when asked if H would be moving back in H's response was that it wasn't out of the realm of possibilities. I've had another friend say they Hubs is noticing that I'm coming out of my shell and socializing more (which I guess is a good thing). When I'm around him, I'm getting a different vibe. He say's things that lead me to believe he won't be coming back, but then sometimes he says things that lead to think "maybe". I texted him the other day after I'd had a drink wishing him a happy day and I told him that I loved him...his response was to laugh at me for being tipsy but also said he loved me back??? I'm so confused. 

I'm also very tired right now, so I'd better stop typing before none of this makes sense.

I hope you all have a good week.

JAW:scratchhead:


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hang in there, Just. Mixed messages are so hard, especially when you still have some hope. Just try to keep up with the changes you're making for you - keep coming out of your shell. You might just want to keep your heart reserved a little for the time being. Let him reach out a little more. If his pride is in his way, he needs to learn how to deal with it. Don't make it easy for him to keep his pride by giving him a foot in the door. Otherwise, he'll get the unspoken message that what he's doing is OK with you. You deserve respect from him -- and from yourself. ((Hugs!))


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## yellowsubmarine (Feb 3, 2012)

Everyone has an opinion; a different opinion. So you can have as many personal takes to the same situation. While it may give you some perspective, what other people say is just how they view things. Now, if most are the saying the same thing, it's for a reason.

To me, mixed messages mean he is playing with your feelings (not good). Either he is committed or he is not committed.

Personally (my opinion!), he is still holding on to you until something better comes along. If nothing comes up that measures up, then you are good enough. Otherwise, he is seeking for something, which in his mind, is better. In other words, undecided.

If you really love somebody you don't play these games.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

yellowsubmarine said:


> Personally (my opinion!), he is still holding on to you until something better comes along. If nothing comes up that measures up, then you are good enough. Otherwise, he is seeking for something, which in his mind, is better. In other words, undecided.
> 
> If you really love somebody you don't play these games.


Agreed. In addition... dont' make someone a priority if they only make you an option.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

If there was ever a time for going dark.... this is it. You're too emotionally weak to make a hard stance in either direction right now, so you need to take time away to get over him. As the WS he's had time to get past most of this and now he's just holding all this contempt for you and relishing you chasing after him when he doesn't want you. He has got all this control over you and knows he can get you to chase after him anytime he wants, or push you away when he needs "space" to be with someone else, gaslight you to his heart's extent, and tell you how he doen't love you and never did..... yeah, all those common BS lies.

It's not even so much mixxed messages as it is manipulative push/pull to keep you around as a back up option. If you want him back, honestly want him back as your husband.... then you need to stop chasing after him like this, because you're only losing his respect by the day. You absolutely must agree with him and give him the seperation he feels he needs. You'll still be kind when returning his calls and seeing him when he stops by..... but with no one to comfort him and reassure him you'll be there if things with an OW or better life don't pan out, you'll see him mke excuses to come around.

These things really do follow a pattern. And right now you need to re invent a YOU that doesn't need him to feel good about yourself. If you can get over him to the point where you are happy without him but hearing from him is nice once in a while, and you can not let him cross boundaries and try to come and go in your relationship as he pleases with no consequinces for hurt you, you'll have gained the upper hand and be better off no matter how this plays out. BTW the WS really hates it when they can't just say "sorry" and come back or when you ignore them like they do you. They both hate it and respect you more for making them chase or try harder.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

justabovewater said:


> I'm getting mixed messages from him and messages from friends of ours who give their personal take on the situation. I've had 3 sets of friends say that they believe that he still wants to be married but that he needs to get his pride out of the way first. A friend told me that when asked if H would be moving back in H's response was that it wasn't out of the realm of possibilities. I've had another friend say they Hubs is noticing that I'm coming out of my shell and socializing more (which I guess is a good thing). When I'm around him, I'm getting a different vibe. He say's things that lead me to believe he won't be coming back, but then sometimes he says things that lead to think "maybe". I texted him the other day after I'd had a drink wishing him a happy day and I told him that I loved him...his response was to laugh at me for being tipsy but also said he loved me back??? I'm so confused.
> 
> I'm also very tired right now, so I'd better stop typing before none of this makes sense.
> 
> ...


This as you know has been my life for 15 months. While you know, the hope and then let downs are so damaging to your mental health. Someone on my thread told me to not get my hope up until he comes right out and says he wants to work on the marriage. One can't speculate what he's holding out for but I do agree if you love someone you don't do this stuff to them. I think when it comes down to it, its their own fear and insecurities that hold one back.

Hang in there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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