# The secret to a long-lasting marraige? Not getting fat!



## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

Thoughts?


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

Ah, why would you even think something like this? For one people do gain weight for many of reasons- reasons that they cannot even help- people do have Thyroid diseases, depression, other diseases and also have children- these are just a few things that will cause weight gain now the children one people can lose it very easy after the baby is born. Well, back in 96 when my daughter was born, I never gain weight though I lost it...

Now, if you think you would have a marriage end due to weight gain well, then you have no clue on what true love really is. Because if you love someone. You, love that person for who and what that person is... Love is something so very rare and something that is so precious--- Not many people ever really know what the true meaning of true love is...

You sure would not care if they gain weight 
Well, you can care but you would not leave them over it... The heart is what makes the person- looks is not everything. My husband and me at least we know the true meaning of true love and we know how to act on all of the things and know what to do- when to do it and so on... Just like when people are dating and together- why, rush into making love with that person or as others would say "have sex" that was another thing he was a man- who did not rush into it-did not show that was all he wanted. We both waited until after we were engaged (and then we still waited for another 6 months after that) He is someone who is way older as well- so it is not that he was young and had nothing to do with my age either- he was just the type of person anyone would want... Now, I know if you are one who would judge on looks and size then you are crazy and if it is your loved one they are crazy as well...


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## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

Attraction is essential for keeping the love alive. Without physical attraction, feelings change for men. It's not a choice.

It's the same thing as if your husband stopped acting like a man and started acting like a whiny little boy. You would lose attraction for him, because your attraction is mostly based on his actions as a man. For men, the attraction is based (for a good portion) on the woman's looks.

It's not a choice.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you can have a long marraige if you get fat together.
But in all seriousness, I think spouses should respect each other and if I was asked to lose wieght I would do it. 
I know one thing my W love biceps and chests so I work on curels more then sit up ( I got a beer belly).
I know another thing I love W in heels, so quess what, yap she wears heels.
Setting aside illness (I agree with BEB) 
Other then desease, I think spouse should look good for each other, its what seperates us from the animals
Wait,
Do monkeys groom them self?


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## stcece (Jun 29, 2008)

Physical attraction is important, but regardless of weight gain, people AGE. So does that mean that men won't stay married to their wives because they get wrinkles and sag here and there? You're essentially saying that men will lose interest in their wives simply because they've aged if physical attraction is that important. I just don't see men getting excited by the typical 60 or 70-year old. If is true that men only truly want to stay married to a person because she is beautiful, everyone over 50 should just give up. Of course it's a double standard, because women still find older men sexually attractive. 

If your wife stays thin but ages, are you ready to trade her in? Sorry to sound crass, but it seems like that's what you're saying. Yes, I'm an aging wife (42) and fearful of this.


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

IamNotHere said:


> Attraction is essential for keeping the love alive. Without physical attraction, feelings change for men. It's not a choice.
> 
> It's the same thing as if your husband stopped acting like a man and started acting like a whiny little boy. You would lose attraction for him, because your attraction is mostly based on his actions as a man. For men, the attraction is based (for a good portion) on the woman's looks.
> 
> It's not a choice.



*I THINK NOT- YOU DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MEN- AND HOW THEY THINK- MY HUSBAND IS NOTHING LIKE THIS.* And if someone has a medical thing going on and makes them gain weight then and if a husband was to leave them over that then they would have been worth it and never had true love for the person- well, I have a real true love with me and I do not need to worry about this. I have a disease I was born with which is killing me and I also ended up with *Acute Thyorid disease-*​ it brought my husband and me even closer together so see you do not know anything about men.... 

When I met my husband I was 130 after being married for so long I wanted to lose the weight I went down to 92 pounds now I have that *Acute Thyorid Disease*- which came on two years afther losing all my weight- he is more understanding then you would be- and no *I would love my husband no matter how he looks and that is what true love is all about....*


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

stcece said:


> Physical attraction is important, but regardless of weight gain, people AGE. So does that mean that men won't stay married to their wives because they get wrinkles and sag here and there? You're essentially saying that men will lose interest in their wives simply because they've aged if physical attraction is that important. I just don't see men getting excited by the typical 60 or 70-year old. If is true that men only truly want to stay married to a person because she is beautiful, everyone over 50 should just give up. Of course it's a double standard, because women still find older men sexually attractive.
> 
> If your wife stays thin but ages, are you ready to trade her in? Sorry to sound crass, but it seems like that's what you're saying. Yes, I'm an aging wife (42) and fearful of this.





Oh, it is what the person is saying- I know what the meaning of true love is; and no husband would leave their wife just because she gains weight. I am right on with what you were saying. I have now have another post here I had to reply to what was written from the writter to this- that person must really be so stuck on her own looks and think that looks is what matters in love and being married. It is the person's heart that matters and once people realize that then they would be a lot more happier in live and find true love then. But no, gaining weight will not make you lose your husband- if he was to leave you over that then he was not worth it after all... I am glad I have a great husband who would not judge by looks


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

the guy said:


> I think you can have a long marraige if you get fat together.
> But in all seriousness, I think spouses should respect each other and if I was asked to lose wieght I would do it.
> I know one thing my W love biceps and chests so I work on curels more then sit up ( I got a beer belly).
> I know another thing I love W in heels, so quess what, yap she wears heels.
> ...


Thank you, :iagree:
Guy- I am glad you see that I am right and you are also right... You, have also found the true meaning of love and you know what it takes to have love and to be in love with a women. Thank you, for reading my comment and being on my side


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

This is just sad. I would hope there are more factors that contribute to a long lasting marriage than weight gain/loss. 

My parents have been married 32 years and both of them are at least 50 pounds heavier than their wedding pictures. They enjoy going to restaurants together! 

I think the key to a long lasting marriage is commitment.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Well, here is my thougths on this. Me & My husband are indeed "shallow" by other's standards. But that is OK. We are married to each other, so we only have to answer to each other. We accept this. 

*Every couple is different - as these posts will demonstate. MY opionoin makes NO difference in anothers life-absolutely NONE, so try not to be offended. It is solely your spouse's thoughts & feelings on this that matter. For the original poster, it matters. Please excuse him. *

In saying this, I believe all of us, if we are HONEST with ourselves, have limits to how sacrificial we are ,even how loving. Very few on here would stay with a woman (or man) who gained 200 lbs more than she weighed when they met -when she took pride in her looks, spending hours getting ready to impress her man & he found her body stunning. Especially if he remained in a healthy physical state himself. 

Men ARE visual, I live with 6 of them, I hear them talk. God appears to have made them this way. Seriously. Sure some men will love you & stay no matter what but my guess is.... his greatest fantasies will be going back in time to when his wife was thinner, or worse, thinking of someone else who appeals to him physically. 

It simply affects DESIRE in men. If his desire wanes enough, it will show in the bedroom with erection problems. Regardless of what he says, this is the barometer (if he has no other issues) 

As for me & my husband, we marreid each other thin, we know that IS what turns us on, We have 6 kids, and I still weigh what I weighed when we met, maybe even 5 lbs less. So does he. I know that IF I care about my husband's DESIRE for me, I am darn well going to keep my figure - for him. He has told me he would NEVER leave me no matter what, BUT he would NOT desire me if I gained too much weight, our intimacy would suffer. I do not feel my husband's love is shallow (although you will not agree, that is ok), he is giving me an honest answer , that is what I want. 

Of coarse there are situations where it may be difficult (thyroid problems , metabolic issues) and these things should be taken into consideration by our spouses. Even then, there are ways to do our best to stay healthy, even if one has to hire a Dietician & follow a diet plan for these particular problems.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well, here is my thougths on this. Me & My husband are indeed "shallow" by other's standards. But that is OK. We are married to each other, so we only have to answer to each other. We accept this.
> 
> *Every couple is different - as these posts will demonstate. MY opionoin makes NO difference in anothers life-absolutely NONE, so try not to be offended. It is solely your spouse's thoughts & feelings on this that matter. For the original poster, it matters. Please excuse him. *
> 
> ...


Shouldn't be called " SHALLOW" 

Should be called " SMART COUPLE"


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

We're all shallow to some extent. What about ugly? I think lots of people are ugly and then fat/skinny doesn't much matter. Thank goodness we all have different taste.

My husband is the only guy I find attractive on all levels despite and because of my personal tastes and that's because I'm attracted to him on a whole 'nother level. This is awesome.

Maybe that's a chick thing as guys seem to be the main posters about their fat wives bothering them. This has become really funny to me for some reason. I think when a poster says this we should be able to see pictures of the poster first so we can judge whether they are ugly before deciding if they deserve a slim wife. Fair is fair after all.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well, here is my thougths on this. Me & My husband are indeed "shallow" by other's standards. But that is OK. We are married to each other, so we only have to answer to each other. We accept this.
> 
> *Every couple is different - as these posts will demonstate. MY opionoin makes NO difference in anothers life-absolutely NONE, so try not to be offended. It is solely your spouse's thoughts & feelings on this that matter. For the original poster, it matters. Please excuse him. *
> 
> ...


some people on this board are simply too sensitive to this because they have issues and are scared to accept the reality, so they start bashsing us 'shallow' people for thinking attraction has to do with weight also. Not entirely but to a good extent. but then again some people are truly comfotable with the weight gain and i also believe that if both partners change together then it's not bad, but when only one does it does cause some issues. 

And the original poster on the obesity and marriage thread said the wife was healthy and so ive been talking about healthy people who gain weight not those who have health issues. But I still get bit**ed about by some posters here on other threads.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

I agree. You don't want your husband to stop opening doors for you, being romantic and doing sweet things like he used to, so why should it be OK to let yourself go and get fat? This "we're married now so we don't have to do anymore work" bs kills marriages every day. Why not put forth the effort to keep yourself in shape for your spouse? Love and sexual attraction are two TOTALLY different things. 

I go to the gym, shave, keep my hair looking nice, wear nice clothes every now and then and keep myself smelling good, so I expect my wife to do the same. If that's what we liked about each other beforehand why just throw it out the window because we're "comfortable" now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Blue Moon said:


> I agree. You don't want your husband to stop opening doors for you, being romantic and doing sweet things like he used to, so why should it be OK to let yourself go and get fat? This "we're married now so we don't have to do anymore work" bs kills marriages every day. Why not put forth the effort to keep yourself in shape for your spouse? Love and sexual attraction are two TOTALLY different things.
> 
> I go to the gym, shave, keep my hair looking nice, wear nice clothes every now and then and keep myself smelling good, so I expect my wife to do the same. If that's what we liked about each other beforehand why just throw it out the window because we're "comfortable" now?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Personally for me, being clean, neat and looking good makes me feel good and confident. Even at home (even when I'm all alone) I hate wearing sloppy sweats/pjs because they make me feel sloppy and messy.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

cherrypie18 said:


> Personally for me, being clean, neat and looking good makes me feel good and confident. Even at home (even when I'm all alone) I hate wearing sloppy sweats/pjs because they make me feel sloppy and messy.


I can definitely see that. Some people feel the same way before marriage but the comfort level makes them not care anymore. Comfort is a good thing but it can kill the spark imo.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Star said:


> Greenpearl, the reason I posted shallow is because if a person honestly thinks that the secret to a long lasting marriage just down to (I quote) "not getting fat" to me that IS a very shallow, there is way more to marriage than just your partners appearance IMO.



I don't think he meant the ONLY thing to do to keep your marriage afloat is staying in shape (could be wrong). There's no one true secret that you can follow for success, marriage is a series of practices. But "not getting fat" is an often forgotten element in marriage and society in general these days, especially in America.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Star said:


> Greenpearl, the reason I posted shallow is because if a person honestly thinks that the secret to a long lasting marriage just down to (I quote) "not getting fat" to me that IS a very shallow, there is way more to marriage than just your partners appearance IMO.


:iagree:

The list is long! 

I think I read some posts somewhere, say they should match. If they are both heavy, then maybe there won't be weight issue. But do you mind if I say something, if one person lets go of his or her weight, just comforts himself or herself with the attitude: people have to accept the way I am no matter whatever I am. Do you think that will work? He or she can comfort themselves whatever way they want to, it doesn't change the fact. 

I feel more confident staying slim. I can wear tight shirts and tight jeans, I am happy. Actually I feel even happier standing beside heavy women! 

Joking................

My mother-in-law is a little bit heavy, I love her. My sister-in-law is very heavy, not my business. Most of my husband's relatives are heavy, they are wonderful people, they joke and laugh, just laugh laugh laugh................

Two grandmas, one is thin, the other one is heavy. The thin grandma can live by herself, the heavy grandma is sick and needs my mother-in-law to look after, my mother-in-law bickers. 

Who knows what might happen. Thin people, heavy people, they are all people. This world needs variety to be interesting so we have topics to talk about!


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## Teach Me (Oct 7, 2010)

I told my wife, I don't care if your bald, fat, smell, or bite, I will always love you no matter what! I married your beautiful heart and thats all that matters to me! 
She is skinny now, but she was obese a few times during our 26 years together, and each time I never, ever, stopped loving her, telling how beautiful she was...
If she was quadriplegic, I would care for her night and day, with love and passion!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Teach Me said:


> I told my wife, I don't care if your bald, fat, smell, or bite, I will always love you no matter what! I married your beautiful heart and thats all that matters to me!
> She is skinny now, but she was obese a few times during our 26 years together, and each time I never, ever, stopped loving her, telling how beautiful she was...
> If she was quadriplegic, I would care for her night and day, with love and passion!


Um...WOW! Beautiful. Your wife is a lucky woman.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I don't think that it's the "fat" that bothers men, it's the fear that she has let herself go, stopped trying, stopped caring. And I guess that they're worried that if she let herself go, it's only a matter of time before she lets HIM go, or realizes that she's now unhappy and blames it all on him.
Easy for me to say, my wife is older and has a body that women half her age would start nuclear wars for!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Teach Me said:


> I told my wife, I don't care if your bald, fat, smell, or bite, I will always love you no matter what! I married your beautiful heart and thats all that matters to me!
> She is skinny now, but she was obese a few times during our 26 years together, and each time I never, ever, stopped loving her, telling how beautiful she was...
> If she was quadriplegic, I would care for her night and day, with love and passion!


 Teach ME: Your post gave me pause, yes it is Beautiful - Loving , Amazing, but far too "unconditional". When a man feeds this to his wife day in, day out, she many times will take advantage of this. (I am a wife who has done this, so I know), you are much like my husband, fantastic guy! 

In my curisoity, I took a moment to look up some of your threads and I agree, YOU probably WOULD love your wife like this - no matter what , BUT all of this mushy unconditional love is NOT helping you , maybe even pushing her away a little. 

*You are not "selfishly" demanding enough from her to excite her passion for you. It's the Nice Guy syndrome*. 

Here is a thread that might help you see another side to this way of dealing with your wife. This thread is FAR tooooooo long, so I will take you to the end where some exchanges between Big Bad Wolf & myself were taking place. Much talk about the role of a "Jealousy" - a healthy Jealousy , and how even too much TRUST is like apathy in a marraige. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/17010-modern-men-warning-long-28.html Scroll down to "Big Bad Wolfs" long post & read. I really found this profound, I could not agree more so. I was originally having it out with him on a few things about "the Nice Guy' cause I love my Nice Guy husband but it is So TRUE, sometimes Men are too trusting , and not showing enough "firm Jealousy" over their wives. 

It is an attraction thing. And this will help any man with his wife. Also look for the posts by MEM.

Sorry this has nothing to do with the original question about gaining weight!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Teach ME: Your post gave me pause, yes it is Beautiful - Loving , Amazing, but far too "unconditional". When a man feeds this to his wife day in, day out, she many times will take advantage of this. (I am a wife who has done this, so I know), you are much like my husband, fantastic guy!
> 
> In my curisoity, I took a moment to look up some of your threads and I agree, YOU probably WOULD love your wife like this - no matter what , BUT all of this mushy unconditional love is NOT helping you , maybe even pushing her away a little.
> 
> ...



Yeah!

BBW and MEM have another fan now!!!

I love reading their posts, learn a lot from them, get reassured a lot by reading their posts. 

Happy!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Teach Me said:


> I told my wife, I don't care if your bald, fat, smell, or bite, I will always love you no matter what! I married your beautiful heart and thats all that matters to me!
> She is skinny now, but she was obese a few times during our 26 years together, and each time I never, ever, stopped loving her, telling how beautiful she was...
> If she was quadriplegic, I would care for her night and day, with love and passion!


Not sure why people questioned your love but my husband said similar thing to me. He said even I'm old, fat, ugly without teeth one day, he would pay for my teeth implantation or a denture, expect a cosmetic surgery. He is happy to grow old and become ugly together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> Not sure why people questioned your love but my husband said similar thing to me. He said even I'm old, fat, ugly without teeth one day, he would pay for my teeth implantation or a denture, expect a cosmetic surgery. He is happy to grow old and become ugly together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I am not questioning his love at all, I looked up some of his threads & did some reading -- I do very much believe what he is saying , I just feel maybe his wife is taking advantage of it to some degree- as he is struggling with trusting HER. 

When we offer so much unconditional love, sometimes it can bite us in the butt. My husband was this way with me, still is , and to be honest, I took his love for granted for many years. To my shame.


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## DivorceInChurch (Dec 13, 2010)

No matter where I read this topic the exact same things are said....thyroid age blah blah

The guy meant lacking disease people!
He also didnt say looks ONLY

why is it so threatening to people to hear about physical attraction? Think on that...REALLY think on that. Its important


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> Shouldn't be called " SHALLOW"
> 
> Should be called " SMART COUPLE"


:iagree:

I think people get selfish and stop caring about their appearance. This is so hurtful to the spouse!! I love my H with all my heart and I know he feels the same way about me. I've even mentioned and joked to him "would you still love me if I gained a ton of weight?" He said absolutely he would love me but sex on the other hand....lol. We always refer to the family guy episode where Lois gains weight "I don't know how's boob I'm grabbin here...." 
It's funny on a cartoon, buuuuuut not entirely too funny for my own personal love life. No judging here, My H and I know what we like and we do that for each other. I didn't marry you or your spouse, so don't hold my opinions in offence to yourself. 

I take time to make sure I look great for him every day. He takes time to look good for me. There's absolutely no reason not to. 

(PS this is coming from a woman with a two year old, who has been on and off depression medication since she was 15, had cancer at 17 with radiation treatment on the neck and affects her thyroid. I'm 25 now so DON'T TELL ME YOU CAN'T GET OVER DISEASES) 

It's way harder for me to lose weight now, but the trick is to not be stupid about what I eat. I don't obsessively work out either. It's a healthy lifestyle. I'm 5'1 and 125 and am working on losing about 15 lbs as it is. H has no problem with my weight at all (actually isn't sure about the 15 at all so we're taking it day by day and if it's too much then I stop losing), but my pre pregnancy weight was around 110 and I felt super sexy then. I'm doing what makes me feel sexy. Confidence is huge and sorry, but when I feel like a fat girl there's no way i'm about to go bananas in bed for him. And THAT is very important!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

tattoomommy said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I think people get selfish and stop caring about their appearance. This is so hurtful to the spouse!! I love my H with all my heart and I know he feels the same way about me. I've even mentioned and joked to him "would you still love me if I gained a ton of weight?" He said absolutely he would love me but sex on the other hand....lol. We always refer to the family guy episode where Lois gains weight "I don't know how's boob I'm grabbin here...."
> It's funny on a cartoon, buuuuuut not entirely too funny for my own personal love life. No judging here, My H and I know what we like and we do that for each other. I didn't marry you or your spouse, so don't hold my opinions in offence to yourself.
> ...


You are thin according to what you described, especially after two kids, you are doing great. 

We are about the same height. I am about five feet tall. I haven't weighed myself in a long time, I guess around 100lb. My jeans are size S, my shirts are size M. 

I agree that we feel more confident if we have nice figures, I like it a lot when I look at myself in the mirror. 

My husband makes sure I eat a lot of fruit, I have been eating a lot of fruit this year, it is almost like my main meal. I feel I have become much healthier this year, I seldom have colds now. Fruit and vegetables are great for us!!!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

GP: In the healthy department, have you ever tried yoga? For some reason I imagine you as very graceful, and I can picture you being beautiful at yoga.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> GP: In the healthy department, have you ever tried yoga? For some reason I imagine you as very graceful, and I can picture you being beautiful at yoga.


No, but I am fascinated by yoga! 

I tried belly dancing, I liked it a lot, but it was too expensive for a class. Just didn't want to waste money that way.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I like West African dance classes. It is challenging to pick the one activity. But to do more is too expensive.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Cycling = riding a bicycle. Seriously. It works.


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## thatgirll007 (Dec 14, 2010)

My husband is the "shallow" type. I am fat. And my husband left me. The reason he gave me? Because I got fat. I tried to lose weight with some success and some failure. Tried is a minor word - lived and breathed weight loss would probably be a better phrase. Still, diets don't work for 90% of the people who try them and I believe my approach to the whole thing was all wrong.

After he left, it was like the worst thing that could possibly happen did and I had to pick myself up. Now, weight loss is not my main priority in life anymore. I want to be healthy and I'm pursuing that instead of the number on a scale. And I am moving forward, I've got a lot going for myself, including my looks. And there are tons of guys interested - I'm not interested in any of them because I am still in love with my husband.

But guess who's the most aggressive pursuer of all of those guys? My husband. I'm still the same size. It took him walking out the door to realize what he was leaving behind. Now, he tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful, that something is wrong with him, that he needs to be a better man and treat me with more respect, that if he met me on the street today, he'd want to take me out, on and on and on it goes. He told me that his focus on my weight was a way for him to distract himself from his own insecurities and issues and he didn't realize that until he left me. He told me that he was suffering from the normal urges that happen after 12 years of marriage and he attributed it all to my weight.

The lesson here? If your wife's weight is foremost in your mind when you think about your relationship with her, you might need to look inwards before you point the finger outward. 

If you'd like your wife to lose weight, instead of sitting in judgment of her help her to change her lifestyle by engaging in more physically demanding activities together and help her to develop a good relationship with food by embracing healthier foods at home. These are the things that someone who loves their spouse and wants to remain in a committed relationship should do.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

IamNotHere said:


> Attraction is essential for keeping the love alive. Without physical attraction, feelings change for men. It's not a choice.
> 
> It's the same thing as if your husband stopped acting like a man and started acting like a whiny little boy. You would lose attraction for him, because your attraction is mostly based on his actions as a man. For men, the attraction is based (for a good portion) on the woman's looks.
> 
> It's not a choice.


I love fat women.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

If I'm attracted, I'm attracted. I actually look at hands first, then face (don't ask...).

My husband doesn't like fat, but doesn't like real skinny either - he likes in-between, with big boobs of course! HA

Depends on the man/woman.

There aren't chubby lovers clubs out there for nothing!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

My husband jokes that he wants me to be like Barbie, thin with giant boobs. (Whenever I loose weight, my breasts get smaller, of course.) I remind him that if Barbie were real, she would not be able to stand up. Too top heavy!


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## JohnMav (Dec 22, 2010)

Sometimes people said that.. if you get fat, because you are happy! So, if you have a happy marriage, you eventually will get fat! However, people also say that... unhappy marriage will make people get fat as well! So.. it is really depending on your body and attitude towards it!

The secret to a long-lasting marriage is to share all your thoughts and feelings to your partner! Trust and Forgiveness are also important for a happy marriage as well! Again, this is really easy to say, but it is really difficult to do! 

Last word: Fat or Not is not an issue.. inner beauty is the most important! =)


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Pole dancing is also excellent exercise, but you'll need at least some physique to start off.

Unlike this  : 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqArCc301dc

The missus lost her weight after childbirth with the pole in our garage. It really tones the body as well. For me I also have to keep myself fit considering the positions she's come to expect out of me (standing ones) from time to time.

In the end though, we're still in the ****s with each other, and for 2 years we've had it rocky. Not only that, but our sex life though frequent (when we're not fighting at least) - is not the same as before marriage. Things aren't going to be perfect just with sex or keeping your looks.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

reachingshore said:


> Cycling = riding a bicycle. Seriously. It works.



This. Cardio is key.


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

In my opinion, if getting fat is an excuse for a marriage to end, then it was lacking from the start...I am not talking about 100 pounds, but gaining weight...Both my husband and I have gone through periods when we both gained weight...Once he went up 70pounds, then back down near his football weight...I, too, have gained weight...Stress can do this...Once got up 90 pounds overweight...However, neither of us ever found this part of each other distasteful...We helped each other and worked at it....It's the person inside of this body that you fall in love with....I can't argue this subject nor care to...

I will mention this....One time after our third child was born and I had not yet lost the weight I should have, my Mother said something to me....She said: "you had better lose that weight..***** is one good looking man...He is around all the women at his office and has many women looking at him....With you "too fat" (real kind words) he is going to look around".....When she said this to me I was super PO....I never mentioned it to my husband, but about a week later after he had taken her home (my Father had passed on) he said he wanted to talk to me about something...He said "honey, tell your Mother never to tell me to tell you to lose weight again...This is our business"...Boy, did I let her have it....And it is, was and always will be....If two people use weight as a balancing act to keep a marriage secure, then they are missing the main ingredient in marriage....It is called "Love"....These are just my thoughts.....


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

May I add that we ARE NOT FAT....


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I think long-lasting marriage involves being sensitive to eachother-in all senses. Most people will get heavier, things will sag and wrinkes will form. However, if his/her wieght gain is the result of not trying to curtail one's eating and drinking and/or lack of excersize that is where i can take exception. Weight controll is harder for some than others. 

I think there is some duty that spouses have to eachother. They both should work hard in many areas be it parenting, housekeeping, earning a living, proving companionship and sex. They also should TRY to remail attractive to the other. if not for themselves for the other. Having said that I think it is important (especially for men) to NOT compare your 30,40, 50...whater Y/O wife to women on TV, in movies etc. who may have more favorable genetics and/or full-time trainers and/or the money and/or time to excersize sufficently. I think even the shallowist of men (of which i am one) should be compassionate to the other if they cannot help the weight gain. 

I have seen husbands who cook and serve huge meals (and they are not thin by any stretch...who ***** about their wife's weight.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

All I'll say is there are things you can change and things you can't!! 

1. You can't really change wrinkles, aging skin, going bald, and the like.

BUT!! You can stay in shape, workout, dress nice, and have good hygiene.

I think that is the difference. I want to be the best I can be for my wife. Do I always have a 4-6 pack belly NOPE.....but I am in shape and I think my wife appreciates that. My wife is the same way we are both within 10lbs of our marriage weight 13 years ago.

Aging is inevitable gaining 50-60lbs well that often is fwiw.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Im a slim 180lbs & I love thick plump women most men dont but I do


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> Im a slim 180lbs & I love thick plump women most men dont but I do


I'm with you. I wasn't always like this, i guess my cultural "black" gene finally kicked in.

If you showed me 2 women, 1 was 5'7 130 lbs and the other was the same height but 160. I'm going with the 160. Because that means her thighs are thicker and her butt will be bigger. My wife was 215 at her heaviest, never bothered me at all. Something great about making love to a solid woman!!!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Threetimesalady said:


> In my opinion, if getting fat is an excuse for a marriage to end, then it was lacking from the start...I am not talking about 100 pounds, but gaining weight...Both my husband and I have gone through periods when we both gained weight...Once he went up 70pounds, then back down near his football weight...I, too, have gained weight...Stress can do this...Once got up 90 pounds overweight...However, neither of us ever found this part of each other distasteful...We helped each other and worked at it....It's the person inside of this body that you fall in love with....I can't argue this subject nor care to...
> 
> I will mention this....One time after our third child was born and I had not yet lost the weight I should have, my Mother said something to me....She said: "you had better lose that weight..***** is one good looking man...He is around all the women at his office and has many women looking at him....With you "too fat" (real kind words) he is going to look around".....When she said this to me I was super PO....I never mentioned it to my husband, but about a week later after he had taken her home (my Father had passed on) he said he wanted to talk to me about something...He said "honey, tell your Mother never to tell me to tell you to lose weight again...This is our business"...Boy, did I let her have it....And it is, was and always will be....If two people use weight as a balancing act to keep a marriage secure, then they are missing the main ingredient in marriage....It is called "Love"....These are just my thoughts.....


It's like that old saying.

Men get distinguished as they age,

Women just get old.

Not true, but a lot of men look at it that way...go figure, I need to smoke some of what they're having or get the same bathroom mirror.


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## LSU Fan (Dec 31, 2010)

The secret to a long-lasting HAPPY marriage is...LOVE 
If you love, truly love your spouse, then all the things mentioned above will b second-nature and not so much "chores"


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## zohaib (Dec 24, 2010)

Physical looks matters a lot in the marital relationship, 
its the main reason of the infidelity.coz if a man found any other hot women then he do the infidelity..
because they (MEN) attract (Temporarily) to the hot women and then do the infedility..
if ur husband is also fat even though he will go for the Hot women.
So it matters.

Love is another necessity for the long marital relationship..without a love u can b in a relationship but not for the longer period.

Another things is the wisdom


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

While keeping yourself attractive is a bonus, it's not the glue in a relationship.

I am 46, 160lbs, 32 inch waist.....same at when I was 18.

She cheated with a man 15 years older.

I am SURE the reason has nothing to do with my weight.

Hell, if I was 50lbs overweight....how many affair would she have had?

Staying attractive is just a part of many many relationship factors....and it differs for everyone.


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## jpd (Feb 8, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> It's like that old saying.
> 
> Men get distinguished as they age,
> 
> ...


You might think that men look at it this way, but how many do? I assumed so myself when I was young, always thought I was fairly regular kind of guy, good looking ... think about sex far too much, still do, etc...
But which women do I find the sexiest now? -- Women who have had children, and with lines on their faces. Just don't find pretty young women very interesting now. Surprises me. I adore my wife, mother of my two children, and I find her very sexy.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

WOW Does this mean all I have to do is stay skinny, and pretty. I don't have to do nothing else or work to make anything happen in my marriage, and he will be all thrilly.

If so then why do the beautiful celebrities loose their men? Elin "Tiger" Woods, Eva "Tony Parker" Longoria, just to name a few. We all know this is not true. Stay skinny and the universal will be at your feet. Yeah right!!


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## ASV (Feb 6, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well, here is my thougths on this. Me & My husband are indeed "shallow" by other's standards. But that is OK. We are married to each other, so we only have to answer to each other. We accept this.
> 
> *Every couple is different - as these posts will demonstate. MY opionoin makes NO difference in anothers life-absolutely NONE, so try not to be offended. It is solely your spouse's thoughts & feelings on this that matter. For the original poster, it matters. Please excuse him. *
> 
> ...


I have to agree 250% with ye


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