# Internet addiciton/compulsion -- is there help?



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

This is the issue in my life that's kind of an elephant in the room. I don't smoke, I don't drink other than maybe a few beers a week, no drugs (hard or soft), no cheating. I would say by most people's standards I come off as a responsible guy with a good job and a good father. I even manage to perform reasonably well in my work (I think). 

But the internet is like this thread running through my life all the time. My work is almost entirely done on a computer, and my workplace doesn't block any sites, and their policy is basically "you're ok unless it's 'excessive' use or obscene." So throughout the day, I'm CONSTANTLY checking e-mail, message boards (TAM and various others), facebook, news sites, pretty much whatever I can find to fill the void. When I get home, I spend time with my wife and daughter, but they both go to bed very early and then it's usually internet until I go to sleep around midnight. 

I should add that this isn't a porn addiction -- I do occasionally look at porn, maybe as much as a few times a week, but generally for short periods of time, and NEVER at work or while my family is awake. 

I don't think I've ever done anything extreme based on my internet addiction, like skip work or ignore my family when they're around -- I pretty much stay off it unless they're either asleep or my wife is working on something herself. But when I have the opportunity, it's like this painful compulsion that I can't control. Occasionally it becomes thrilling, but more often it's just this repetitive thing I do like a machine. I might reload a message board twenty or thirty times in an hour (maybe more?). 

The problem is that while I do "manage" at work, I often feel in sort of a foggy state, and also I really "live on the edge" when it comes to getting things done. My job can be very demanding and complex, and I find myself barely knowing what's going on and "faking it" because I've spent so much time on the net.

I should also add that I was once diagnosed with ADD -- I tried ritalin but did not like its effects on me and stopped. I have also seen a therapist, who did not believe I had ADD or "internet addiction." He was very helpful in some ways -- he believed anxiety was my real issue, and he DID help me with anxiety very much. However, while I overall became more successful in my life through working with him, the internet addiction did not really change -- it's more like I developed motivation to work around it. 

So is there any help for internet addicts? Does anyone have experience "treating" this issue?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

There are programs that you can use to block specific sites for set times. Or you can go nuclear and block it completely for set hours. TAM was once causing a problem for me so I had my husband block it with a password that I didn't know. I stayed off for 6 months until I was no longer addicted.

It's taken me a few years to learn to manage this but I've done it. The first step was recognizing I had a problem. These days I can self regulate because I dealt with the anxiety at it's source. No anxiety = no reason to distract with the internet.

I'm not perfect at this but I'm much better than I used to be. I'm mindful now of the time I spend online. Being aware challenges me to do other things instead of wasting my life away sitting in front of a computer.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Unfortunately I can't install the blocking software at work -- I had actually considered that.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

At the very least you could block it at home. After a day at work there is no need to be on the computer at night.


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## Yolandi (Oct 27, 2013)

Does your wife feel like you have an Interenet addiction?


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## tmbirdy (Jul 26, 2011)

Wow, I really applaud you for admitting this about yourself. My husband is on the internet from the time he gets home from work until he it's almost time to go to bed. He likes ebay, fantasy football, amazon, anti-Mormon forums, and whatever else. And if he is off it and sitting on the couch with me, he is playing Angry Birds on his phone. It used to really bother me, but I just do my own thing now and I don't care as much as I used to. Not worth it. I have my own stuff to do and realize now that I cannot rely on him making me happy. It is nice that you spend time with your wife and your daughter though. My husband and I still talk off and on though while he is surfing the web because the computer is in our kitchen area, and we will play WWFs too when I am up to it and not too busy with other stuff.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i sometimes struggle with this myself. 

by sometimes, i mean most of my time off, which is usually one day a week. i study arabic 14 hours a day and then discuss army knowlege(more studying) with my wife or sometimes help her with her spanish for a couple hours before i sleep. 
i guess the early morning studying isnt really studying... i just tune into something in the target language and passively listen while browsing the internet...

anyway, it took conscious effort to break the habit about a year ago. i started noticing that i was getting easily distracted in class. my teachers helped me out with that, they basically just got my attention when i started to drift off. after a few weeks, i was catching myself. 

it was the conscious part that made the difference for me. thats what i would suggest the most for you, find a way to become more conscious of it.

a method that i use with my wife when we study army stuff or spanish is to only study for a set amount of time and then take a break. that might help you because you stay conscious of what you are doing and you get to use the "addiction time" to keep it from being too hard...

just keep in mind that it is not easy to break a habit. and thats what i think of your internet use... you may feel like its a compulsion, but you have unwittingly made it a habit to give in to that compulsion in the same way i made it a habit to let my mind wonder wherever it goes. so, start off small. 
if you look at how much time you spend actually working and how much time you waste, you will probably find that you can alot yourself plenty of time for looking at the computer while still improving your work productivity. 

it also makes it easier when you know that in 20 minutes(or whatever you alot yourself) you get to go back to surfing. of course, this wont work unless you actually stick to it until it seems normal. 

get a timer and try it out. its not like you have anything to lose from trying. 

also, setting goals and coming up with a plan helps a lot too. 
a good solid plan for improvement gives you the how, and the goal gives you the reason. 

how you find the motivation is up to you, so be sure to reward your progress with something that will mean something to you.


if all else fails, take a shot of whiskey and figure it out.


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