# Your thoughts (I need to be sure)



## TRUCUTU (Apr 17, 2009)

Please reaad the details and give me your opinion:
*I got the vasectomy done but my wife stills wants to her to be sterlized.

*She has stayed oout, not coming home for the night,beacuse she is at work

*Has very little sexual drive

*Is always tired

* Told me how this friend of hers got her pubic hair removed completely

*Told me how the female friend told her that seh wanted to have threesome but that her boyfreind does not want to

* Told me that her female friend was making fun of a "hickie" I left under her breast (the trick is that for anyone to see that "hickie" my wife would have to remove her bra

*I was doing laundry and found that my wife had put her panties in her pants pockets, When I asked her what had happened she hesitated for a few seconds and said "I have never failed you"

* My wife told me that she thinks her friend is bi, I asked why and she said that her friend told her that she liked my wife's tights.

It is all obvious to me,

What do you think?


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Oh wow!


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## TRUCUTU (Apr 17, 2009)

Need your input, please!


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

I would guess that your wife is either very interested in having a threesome, or already is. I think you should start to dig deeper.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

A lot of smoking guns but no real evidence of anything. Time for a sit down with her.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya for sure alot of red flags going on. I would for sure sit and talk with her.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Talk..talk...talk!!! A good marriage has good communication! Be careful not to be too accusatory when you talk to her. Try to be open minded and LISTEN to what she has to say. IMO lots of woman are curious about that scenario... I have been...but I would never actually do anything. Maybe she has been mentioning things here and there just to see how you would react, or maybe even because she does want to talk about it. 

As for the panties in the pocket, and the response she gave when you asked her about it....that one seems as though there is a story behind it....I would ask some specifics on that one!

Good luck...talk to her and let us know!


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

I agree with the above, where there is smoke is fire.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

TRUCUTU said:


> Please reaad the details and give me your opinion:
> * *Why do you need to be sterilized when *I got a vasectomy? *Because you are having sex with others.*
> 
> **Can I see your time card for the nights you stayed *out, not coming home for the night?*I think you weren't working*
> ...


Your wife is parsing words. If she says she has never failed you. It may because she is meaning with a man. And you simply did not delve deep enough. She is obviously cheating with someone. As with other situations, I believe that the direct approach is best. Take her, sit her down, and tell her out right. point out the very things that you posted hear.*But when you do point them out to her, phrase them like questions. And then put the answer in. I will change your quote to give example* * Make her sit down and come up with some other explanation right there. * I firmly believe you have cheated on me with either your friend or your friend and her boyfriend. I am giving you one opportunity to be honest and come clean. 

I would also put one more point in. She seems to be guilt ridden. Tell her you will not live this way, with secrets between you. Tell her she has this one opportunity to be honest and save her marriage. If you do not come clean. Know this, when I find out what is going on, and I will find out, instead of a counselor, I will be seeing a divorce lawyer. Your gut is right. Go with it. Do you have children?


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

She is obviously cheating with someone

Enough posted.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

My spouse cheated on me, so I speak from experience. You have many things which don't seem right. Everyone can see she is cheating. However, you don't have enough "proof" to have that sit down talk with her yet. When dealing with a cheater, you need very specific facts. Otherwise, they just continue to deny the entire matter.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I agree with initfortheduration 100%. You don't have to have full proof to have that heart to heart, I wish I would have sooner. When I finally did and he denied it, I knew it in my heart and things just weren't right between us. This isn't a court of law, its a relationship and right now you aren't trying to convict her, only find out what is wrong and talk so you can prevent anything more from happening and save the marriage. If she knows you are trying to work it out and save the marriage, she may end up being honest with you. Good luck!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

AZ is right, saying that I'm right (LOL). Seriously, I think she sounds like she is riddled with guilt. You need to blow the lid off of this. I believe that she is carrying on a lesbian affair with her friend. The affair would be bad enough, but its the lying that is poisoning your marriage just as bad. You need to get up in her grill and not let off until she confesses. YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART WHAT IS GOING ON. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS CARING FOR YOU MARRIAGE AT THIS TIME TO DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION.


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## TRUCUTU (Apr 17, 2009)

Thanks all of you for your answers. I agree qith those that say that first, I must hard some hard and direct proof. 

I forgot to say that her female friend also gives her clothing and accesories, for no specific known ocassion. Also, during that female friend's birthday party, my wife told me that she did not want to stay ther until late beacuse she has been told that her parties always en uo in orgies. Also, during that same birthday party, her friend gave a toast in which she mentineod my wife and said:"Whom I have to live life"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the #$%^&*, what has happened that I still do not know????

I asked my wife, in a joke like manner (to see her reaction), when was ou threesome going to happen, she said that she was not like her friend and she would not do such a thing.

It is hard ofr me to believe that something has occured, but that facts are there annd one thing is what I thin, or wish, and the other are the undeniable facts.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya just because its another women doesnt mean its not cheating I dont think that your spouse should do anything sexual with anyone other then the spouse.


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## TRUCUTU (Apr 17, 2009)

I meant to say that her frien said:" Whom I have tought to live"


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Have you talked to her about this????


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## TRUCUTU (Apr 17, 2009)

We have two children, have been married for almost 14 years. 

Your wife is parsing words. If she says she has never failed you. It may because she is meaning with a man. And you simply did not delve deep enough. She is obviously cheating with someone. As with other situations, I believe that the direct approach is best. Take her, sit her down, and tell her out right. point out the very things that you posted hear.*But when you do point them out to her, phrase them like questions. And then put the answer in. I will change your quote to give example* * Make her sit down and come up with some other explanation right there. * I firmly believe you have cheated on me with either your friend or your friend and her boyfriend. I am giving you one opportunity to be honest and come clean. 

I would also put one more point in. She seems to be guilt ridden. Tell her you will not live this way, with secrets between you. Tell her she has this one opportunity to be honest and save her marriage. If you do not come clean. Know this, when I find out what is going on, and I will find out, instead of a counselor, I will be seeing a divorce lawyer. Your gut is right. Go with it. Do you have children?[/QUOTE]


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## TRUCUTU (Apr 17, 2009)

She is playing absent minded, I still have to aske her wht her friend meant by: "Whom I have tought to live", although I expect a "I don't know or don't remember" answer.


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

HAVE YOU MET THE WOMAN ??? or could it be another MAN ??

just sayin'...

mike


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Trucutu, Have you got up in her grill yet. Look you were there. All we had was what you wrote. And we believe she is having sex with that woman. Why are men so afraid of their wives? I can tell you this. I bet she is depressed. I bet she gets angrier easier. I bet she refuses affection from you. When are you going to save your wife from what she is doing to your marriage?


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## TRUCUTU (Apr 17, 2009)

It seems that you know her pewrfectly, it has been that way for a while!!!!!!!!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Try to get her to spill the beans by doing this. Sit her down, look in her eyes, and very calmly say this.

"I am filing for divorce. There are a couple of reasons, first off you seem absolutely miserable. You are depressed, angry and your love for me has grown cold. I may have considered this some type of phase you were going through. Personally I believe you are feeling this way, because of the affair you're having with your friend Betty, There are one of two things. Either you have decided that you are a lesbian, and you don't love me the way a woman should love her husband. Or you are Bi and now you can't decide. The third possibility, and the one I had hoped for, is that you just got caught up in something that got away from you. I have waited for you to come and talk to me. But I'm afraid that it's to late for that now. And that you have killed your love for me. Either way, I can't take this anymore. I am to good a husband and to good a person to stay in a relationship like this, with no end in sight. I am sure your girlfriend would be happy to have you move in with her. I know she will immediately see the benefits of that. It is sad though. I thought we actually had a love that could stand the test, I guess I just didn't know you as well as I thought."


IF YOU BELIEVE THAT I KNOW YOUR WIFE BY JUST UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE OF AN ADULTERER, WILL YOU TAKE A CHANCE ON WRITING THIS OUT AND READING IT TO HER? DO NOT BE ANGRY. LOOK RESIGNED TO THE FACT THAT ITS OVER (I AM NOT SAYING IT IS). BE REFLECTIVE. DO NOT LET HER HEAT UP THE SITUATION WITH ANGER. IF IT STARTS TELL HER THAT YOU WILL TELL HER THE REST WHEN SHE CALMS DOWN. BUT FOR NOW, SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE. 

THIS IS MY ADVICE TO YOU, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A CHANCE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. BUT AGAIN ITS UP TO YOU.


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## zwilson50 (Mar 26, 2009)

Your wife isn't being faithful. What that extent maybe, not sure but she is getting hers somewhere else. I'm not sure if I agree with the strong arm tactics from the above poster but you will need to analyze how your wife reacts when you call her on the situation.

I don't think you need to play the divorce card but you need to call her on what she is doing and see how she reacts. I agree that you need to stay calm and relaxed. You know her better than anyone here.


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## Erol (Apr 24, 2009)

I am quite speechless now


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