# What has been your experience with types in bed?



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Looking back, I find that there are partners who are:
1) Fun in and out of bed, a fun romp, but don't necessarily hit the right buttons for orgasm
2) Partners who are fun and good in bed and can give you an orgasm
3) And then partners who can give you an orgasm but aren't fun in bed. 
4) Those who are none of the above, which was the majority. This, however, would include ones who were nice as well as those who were pretty detached, and those who thought the only thing that mattered was pumping away or quickly running bases (either of which might work on some, of course). 

I'd take Numbers 1 & 2 over the rest. Number 3 would get boring. I can make myself orgasm. 
If I liked either Number 3 or Number 4 as a person out of bed, I wouldn't run them off, because sex isn't my main priority. 

How about you?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

First things first. I was ready tell you all about "Temperpedic" because I read your title to say "what has been your experience with types OF bed". What a difference one unimportant word can make 😁.

In response to your actual question, at this point in my life, #2 is good enough for me.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I am going to have to go with #2 also. That's the whole point of inviting somebody into your bed isn't it?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

#2. Is there really any other choice?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lila said:


> First things first. I was ready tell you all about "Temperpedic" because I read your title to say "what has been your experience with types OF bed". What a difference one unimportant word can make 😁.
> 
> In response to your actual question, at this point in my life, #2 is good enough for me.


I wouldn't have penalized you for it!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> I am going to have to go with #2 also. That's the whole point of inviting somebody into your bed isn't it?


I think for men it is, and some women, but lots of women value the attention and companionship even more and just having fun. I sure don't like someone who's only focused on giving me an orgasm and keeping score that way. Of course, both is theoretically the best, as long as they are fun and not too one-note about it. That's just me.

And I have to say, Number 2 is a very rare bird, fun and proficient, and they're usually very experienced to have gotten that way and very much in demand. In my experience, that's only about 2 percent of guys I encountered, and I know women who never encountered one. And those type guys were free birds, that's for sure. So that wouldn't appeal to a lot of women.

I'm happy enough with Number 1, as long as they can also function in the real world. But they were pretty rare too. The fun/exciting guys in my old crowd were very much in demand. And some were so crazy and entertaining they were undependable in the extreme, and others were too unserious to get serious. 

There's just so many variables and it's different priorities for different people.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

#2, especially on a Tempur-Pedic.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm going to have to quote randy bachman on this one and say "I think that any love is good love, so I took what I could get........"


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Lila said:


> First things first. I was ready tell you all about "Temperpedic" because I read your title to say "what has been your experience with types OF bed"


😂




jorgegene said:


> I'm going to have to quote randy bachman on this one and say "I think that any love is good love, so I took what I could get........"


_ I took what I could get ! mmmmm she was a beauty with them big brown eyes mm she said I ain’t seen nothin yet bum BUM b b b babyy I ain’t seen nothin yet... _


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> *And I have to say, Number 2 is a very rare bird, fun and proficient, and they're usually very experienced to have gotten that way and very much in demand. In my experience, that's only about 2 percent of guys I encountered*, and I know women who never encountered one. *And those type guys were free birds, that's for sure*. So that wouldn't appeal to a lot of women.


I think it has more.to do with sexual compatibility. I am my FWB 3rd sexual partner and he's my #2 to your question above. His experience is limited and he's vanilla by modern definition but he and I click in the sack. Other women may think he's boring but I find it amazing. He's definitely not a free bird. We're not "dating" due to other incompatibilities (way too big to overcome) outside the bedroom. There is no future for us.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Looking back, I find that there are partners who are:
> 1) Fun in and out of bed, a fun romp, but don't necessarily hit the right buttons for orgasm
> 2) Partners who are fun and good in bed and can give you an orgasm
> 3) And then partners who can give you an orgasm but aren't fun in bed.
> ...


Well it is hard to pick anything other than number 2. Because I really can't tell anything about the person by this post other than their sexual compatibility.

I can say my limited experience has been most men are not #2. And I've never met a 3.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Everyone, if you had to choose between sexually proficient and affectionate, which would it be?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Everyone, if you had to choose between sexually proficient and affectionate, which would it be?


I would choose affectionate. Also anyone who truly is affectionate and caring can be taught. I'm not the best teacher as I'm a little shy about my needs or wants but it's workable right.

Selfish in bed or ignorant/don't care to know. Well that can't be fixed. Lack of affection also can't be fixed.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Yeah, I'm flexible, but I will fall in love with affectionate.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Affectionate. 🙂

ETA: Unless he’s too googley.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Everyone, if you had to choose between sexually proficient and affectionate, which would it be?


Proficient


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> Affectionate. 🙂
> 
> ETA: Unless he’s too googley.


Yeah! Or too clingy out of bed. I just like a guy who will throw his arm around me sometimes in public, and my old crowd wasn't really that way. And then lovey in bed. But the loviest one, he was like that to ALL women he had sex with. I still know him, but he was just like that, so all these poor women fell for him, thinking it was more than it was. He was just like that. It's still nice, but he's who made me realize you really can't trust anything a man does in bed as meaning anything much.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I just like a guy who will throw his arm around me sometimes in public, and my old crowd wasn't really that way.


I started doing this fairly recently like at the bar I will just grab my wife and throw my arm around her. I was reading that some women like public displays of affection so I’m thinking ok let’s try this.

I used to think it made you look kind of wimpy but I think I changed my mind on it. Doing what you feel like is the opposite of wimpy.

Lately on our afternoon walks we have been going to the park and I will go on the kid’s slides with her. I don’t give AF what it looks like it’s fun.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Everyone, if you had to choose between sexually proficient and affectionate, which would it be?


I'm going to go with sexually compatible (proficient for me). I am affectionate enough for the two of us. I only need him to be receptive.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Most men are average. Playful and open minded I’ll take any day.

When one comes along that’s fun… ya, I want more of that! But I don’t necessarily want them hanging around all the time.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> that's only about 2 percent of guys I encountered


I'm trying to work through this math. For people who don't do percentages, here's a table:

2% of X guys is Y guys

 X Y 
50 1
100 2
150 3
200 4

Assuming there aren't any partial guys...never mind.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Beach123 said:


> When one comes along that’s fun… ya, I want more of that! But I don’t necessarily want them hanging around all the time.


And that is exactly why I believe some happily married people have affairs. That's the answer to "why".


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i am with the best woman I ever been with , 


OH sorry she is my first and hopefully last


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> I'm trying to work through this math. For people who don't do percentages, here's a table:
> 
> 2% of X guys is Y guys
> 
> ...


Yes your percents are right and so are hers


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Googley?


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

rockon said:


> Googley?


Googley. Like tooo overly affectionate, baby talking, putting you on some ridiculous pedestal, stuff like that. Affection is good though. It’s a fine line...


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

rockon said:


> Googley?


At first glance, I thought it said gooey. 



C.C. says ... said:


> Googley. Like tooo overly affectionate, baby talking, putting you on some ridiculous pedestal, stuff like that. Affection is good though. It’s a fine line...


Oh, same difference.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

2. There should be a deep enough connection that you can work to make that happen for each other. Maybe not all the time, but at least make the effort if the other wants it. There's no reason a guy should not be able to make a woman orgasm, or vice versa, if you are able to talk about it and be connected enough with your partner to learn what works and what doesn't.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

MarmiteC said:


> 2. There should be a deep enough connection that you can work to make that happen for each other. Maybe not all the time, but at least make the effort if the other wants it. There's no reason a guy should not be able to make a woman orgasm, or vice versa, if you are able to talk about it and be connected enough with your partner to learn what works and what doesn't.


I take it your a man .


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> I take it your a man .


Lol no! Although I am curious why you came to that conclusion?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

MarmiteC said:


> Lol no! Although I am curious why you came to that conclusion?


 very sorry just going what you said in your post about " There's no reason a guy should not be able to make a woman orgasm " 
I was thinking this is a macho man saying his power as a man should bring every woman to orgasm lol
very sorry for reading it wrong


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> very sorry just going what you said in your post about " There's no reason a guy should not be able to make a woman orgasm "
> I was thinking this is a macho man saying his power as a man should bring every woman to orgasm lol
> very sorry for reading it wrong


Hahaha, I can see why it might read that way. My view comes from having experienced the ranges of partners the OP asked about:



DownByTheRiver said:


> I'd take Numbers 1 & 2 over the rest. Number 3 would get boring. I can make myself orgasm.


If it's possible for someone to orgasm alone, why would they not work with a partner to get them to help make it happen for them?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Can we do one for women?


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I started doing this fairly recently like at the bar I will just grab my wife and throw my arm around her. I was reading that some women like public displays of affection so I’m thinking ok let’s try this.
> 
> I used to think it made you look kind of wimpy but I think I changed my mind on it. Doing what you feel like is the opposite of wimpy.
> 
> Lately on our afternoon walks we have been going to the park and I will go on the kid’s slides with her. I don’t give AF what it looks like it’s fun.


When younger, pre M, it took me a while to realize some guys didn't do this naturally.

I've never not done the arm, hug, kiss, tactful squeeze or she sat in my lap.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I started doing this fairly recently like at the bar I will just grab my wife and throw my arm around her. I was reading that some women like public displays of affection so I’m thinking ok let’s try this.
> 
> I used to think it made you look kind of wimpy but I think I changed my mind on it. Doing what you feel like is the opposite of wimpy.
> 
> Lately on our afternoon walks we have been going to the park and I will go on the kid’s slides with her. I don’t give AF what it looks like it’s fun.


I do not see anything wrong about public displays of affection. We do this all the time and we rarely go anywhere for more then 30 min without it. We can passionately kiss while walking in the park or just standing in the line in the grocery store.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> I started doing this fairly recently like at the bar I will just grab my wife and throw my arm around her. I was reading that some women like public displays of affection so I’m thinking ok let’s try this.
> 
> I used to think it made you look kind of wimpy but I think I changed my mind on it. Doing what you feel like is the opposite of wimpy.
> 
> Lately on our afternoon walks we have been going to the park and I will go on the kid’s slides with her. I don’t give AF what it looks like it’s fun.


There are even some women who will criticize that as acting too proprietary. I think it's nice when walking, but it's not comfortable for too long. It's a nice gesture. Of course, realize when I was in high school, all there was to do was go cruising in a muscle car and women would actually sit on the console or right by their boyfriends and there was a lot of arms around the shoulders.


MarmiteC said:


> Hahaha, I can see why it might read that way. My view comes from having experienced the ranges of partners the OP asked about:
> 
> 
> 
> If it's possible for someone to orgasm alone, why would they not work with a partner to get them to help make it happen for them?


Sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself. No egos getting in the way, no missteps, no expectation of special favors.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

In Absentia said:


> Can we do one for women?


I didn't see a restriction, and was ready to reply, until you wrote that.
I'm trying to figure out how a relationship occurs for a guy who doesn't hit 2.
Then there is the whole idea that you don't really need a partner to get an orgasm.
Then . . . . Oh heck!
I prefer a foam mattress on an articulated frame, but a hammock will work n a pinch.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Purple.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> I didn't see a restriction, and was ready to reply, until you wrote that.
> I'm trying to figure out how a relationship occurs for a guy who doesn't hit 2.
> Then there is the whole idea that you don't really need a partner to get an orgasm.
> Then . . . . Oh heck!
> I prefer a foam mattress on an articulated frame, but a hammock will work n a pinch.


There's no restriction whether it's men or women.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

DownByTheRiver said:


> 1) Fun in and out of bed, a fun romp, but don't necessarily hit the right buttons for orgasm
> 2) Partners who are fun and good in bed and can give you an orgasm
> 3) And then partners who can give you an orgasm but aren't fun in bed.
> 4) Those who are none of the above, which was the majority. This, however, would include ones who were nice as well as those who were pretty detached, and those who thought the only thing that mattered was pumping away or quickly running bases (either of which might work on some, of course).


I have a very low partner count (demi sexual) So I see this question in terms of the same person over a long stretch of time.
#1 was the first few weeks of the relationship. Everything was fun but just couldn't seem to cross the finish line.
#2 Was the next several years. Except when the non orgasm problem flipped and she wasn't getting hers. Once we Talked about it that quickly resolved.
#3 was achieved gradually by the additions of a series of pointless rules that piece by piece removed all of the fun.
#4 I never went to bed with someone who wasn't fun in the beginning. In fact DW is still fun out of bed on occasion, if it isn't in the way of her other pursuits.
There is sexually fun out of bed and non-sexually fun out of bed. Most of our fun is non sexual. I'm not sure if the problem is detachment as much as it is "been there done that, no need to revisit".
I think women turn into 3's and 4's in a different way than men do. But I think that both do often go that way. 
I'm disturbed that you have found the majority of attempted partners to be duds in bed. I guess I got lucky once.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> I think women turn into 3's and 4's in a different way than men do. But I think that both do often go that way.
> I'm disturbed that you have found the majority of attempted partners to be duds in bed. I guess I got lucky once.


I sure agree about that. Men and women, in love and sex, are really coming from two different places, in general, with, of course, rare exceptions.


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