# Rage in a cage...



## MysticMouse (Dec 17, 2012)

My wife cheated about a year ago. I had a little anger but mostly fought with depression. I've been working out, and changed my eating habits. Started focusing on other things. My wife and I have been dealing with her A. She's been very apologetic and supportive. It felt like things were almost all better, or as dealt with as they could be. 

About three days ago I suddenly got very angry. I didn't deal with it and it festered. Yesterday I just exploded on her. I told her things like "I wasted 20 years on her" and "I didn't even like her". I wasn't feeling any of it before that, but suddenly hated her and wanted her out. I felt bad about it after the fact. :scratchhead:

I was dealing with anger and depression by lifting weights, but recently injured my arm, so I haven't been able to work out for two weeks. Anyone have any methods other than working out?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

How long was her affair?


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## MysticMouse (Dec 17, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> How long was her affair?


A month. It was an online EA. I caught it about the time OM was offering to send her plane tickets and she was talking about going to a state she was never interested in before on vacation.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Perhaps you didn't let your anger out enough early on and it just boiled over now. 

I think an apology is due- not for your feelings, but for exploding on her.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Are you both in MC?


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## MysticMouse (Dec 17, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> Perhaps you didn't let your anger out enough early on and it just boiled over now.
> 
> I think an apology is due- not for your feelings, but for exploding on her.


I did give her an apology. She is obviously concerned that I will be leaving her. Something she has worried about since DDay.


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## MysticMouse (Dec 17, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Are you both in MC?


No. Her and my youngest son both have major medical expenses, so our accounts are constantly drained.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Have you been reading books dealing with infidelity at all?


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## MysticMouse (Dec 17, 2012)

most of my "support" has come from reading forums.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

MysticMouse said:


> I did give her an apology. She is obviously concerned that I will be leaving her. Something she has worried about since DDay.


And for good reason. 

The sad part is that betrayers can never (and I mean _never_) understand 10% of what the betrayed go through.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

MysticMouse said:


> I did give her an apology. She is obviously concerned that I will be leaving her. Something she has worried about since DDay.


Frankly, I think it's a good thing that you keep her on her toes. As awful as some may think that is, I think it's necessary.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

MM.

You never dealt with this problem in the beginning, instead you just papered over your feelings. This happens a lot to guys who take back their WW after she steps out on him.

For awhile you can ignore what happened or make excuses for her, but eventually your routine gets disrupted and what she did to you rises to the surface and you erupt.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MysticMouse said:


> My wife cheated about a year ago. I had a little anger but mostly fought with depression. I've been working out, and changed my eating habits. Started focusing on other things. My wife and I have been dealing with her A. She's been very apologetic and supportive. It felt like things were almost all better, or as dealt with as they could be.
> 
> About three days ago I suddenly got very angry. I didn't deal with it and it festered. Yesterday I just exploded on her. I told her things like "I wasted 20 years on her" and "I didn't even like her". I wasn't feeling any of it before that, but suddenly hated her and wanted her out. I felt bad about it after the fact. :scratchhead:
> 
> I was dealing with anger and depression by lifting weights, but recently injured my arm, so I haven't been able to work out for two weeks. Anyone have any methods other than working out?


Recumbent bike and a book. The bike for exercise, the book to keep your mind occupied.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the two books linked to below, especially mmslp. You will totally be shocked.


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

MysticMouse said:


> No. Her and my youngest son both have major medical expenses, so our accounts are constantly drained.


Check out and see if there is any low cost/free MC in your area.

WWHT


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MysticMouse said:


> My wife cheated about a year ago. I had a little anger but mostly fought with depression. I've been working out, and changed my eating habits. Started focusing on other things. My wife and I have been dealing with her A. She's been very apologetic and supportive. It felt like things were almost all better, or as dealt with as they could be.
> 
> About three days ago I suddenly got very angry. I didn't deal with it and it festered. Yesterday I just exploded on her. I told her things like "I wasted 20 years on her" and "I didn't even like her". I wasn't feeling any of it before that, but suddenly hated her and wanted her out. I felt bad about it after the fact. :scratchhead:
> 
> I was dealing with anger and depression by lifting weights, but recently injured my arm, so I haven't been able to work out for two weeks. Anyone have any methods other than working out?


Oh. You mean you thought you'd got over it, then you exploded with rage on her?

At least you didn't drink yourself into a stupid revenge affair. (Raises hand to that one!) 

Counselling might be beneficial to you. Perhaps couples counselling.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Frankly, I think it's a good thing that you keep her on her toes. As awful as some may think that is, I think it's necessary.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Yea, I had this same problem. I still do. 
I just hide it, but it is there, boiling under the surface. 

I try to find ways to relax, and take some stress off. One of my hobbies is drawing, so sometimes I'll do that. 
And every once in a while, I'll go get a massage. If you're working out, this is great to do. Your muscles will develop knots in them overtime, and a massage can really help ease the tension in some muscles. 

I just had to find ways to reduce the stress. 
I have yet to find a way to completely get over my anger.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

We all seem to have certain phases we get stuck in more than others. Some get stuck in depressed/sad....some in anger/rage.....some on adjusting/acceptance. I like you took awile to get through anger/rage....I thought I had licked it by staying focused and concentrating my energies on a big engineering project at work....got a promotion out of it even...then I changed jobs and things were a little slower paced and I realized I had a lot of unresolved anger just lying below the surface all that time. I had to start dealing with my anger... actually my hubby had to. He had to hear my rage and deal with it. I realize its probably harder for guys to vent your anger ....but she does need to know your angry and try to help you with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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