# I feel lost and helpless



## nipolusitana (Nov 2, 2013)

I am in this relationship for 5 years now. We always had big fights. He is verbally abusive to me and at some point it got physical too. I gave up my entire career to be with him. He sad he would be supportive and I didn't even have to worry about getting a new job. Within 1 month that we moved in together (Nov. last year) he started to complain that I didn't do anything, was lazy. I didn't have a work permit until May/2013 and because I'm a teacher, I just got a job at the end of August.

He has been constantly verbally abusive to me for whatever reason. His new biggest complaint is that I have communication issues. Before, at the beginning of our relationship, he complained that I was in constant bad mood and too volatile, that I worked too much and didn't want to do anything, or have fun. He actually made me believe that I was the cause of our problems. Now that he cannot complain about me not having a job and not helping with the household expenses, everything turns into me not being able to have a healthy communication.

Truth is, he wants everything his way, or he tries to manipulate me, or he gets mad. When I don't want to make a decision, so we wouldn't have a discussion, he says that I am not proactive. We fight for the most stupid reason, I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood ever, or share my problems with him, because he does not care and gets mad, blaming me for throwing my problems on him. I calls me a bunch of names, tells me to get out of home, says it's his, tells me to go back to my country and my "stupid" job (I made more money than him), says that everybody hates me and that everybody warned him about me being an awful *****. 
I have a job now, but it's not enough for me to rent a place and live with integrity. I don't have any friends here that I can count on, nobody that I could stay for a day or two. I am so embarrassed about my situation, after everything I conquered in my life. This relationship is draining my self-esteem, personality. I think about going back to my country and building my life back once again every day, but I'm too weak to do so. I'm scared and embarrassed. I've tried to break up with him a couple of times, I bought my ticket twice. First time he convinced me not to leave and second time, he convinced me to come back, mentioning couples therapy. Now he says I have anger management issues, because sometimes I get angry when he insults me and I loose it.
I wish I could get out of it...


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Have you reached out for help? There are many organizations out there, what country do you live in?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nipolusitana (Nov 2, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Have you reached out for help? There are many organizations out there, what country do you live in?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I live in the US. We are about to go to counseling, but to be honest, I don't know how much of a help that will be.


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## nipolusitana (Nov 2, 2013)

He is nice to everybody else. We are married, but he does not want anybody to know it. Nobody knows his true face besides me I guess...


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

nipolusitana said:


> He is verbally abusive to me and at some point it got physical too.
> 
> I have a job now, but it's not enough for me to rent a place and live with integrity.


Living without bruises and fear is better then living with integrity. 

If he is just going to counseling to keep you then its pointless. He needs to realize he has a problem and if they aren't addressed then there can't be a relationship between you two. 

I say hold off on MC and get him to go to IC first. 


Also who hides a marriage??? That sounds like something a married person would do to hide their other spouses. What does he introduces you as, his live in friend?


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## nipolusitana (Nov 2, 2013)

I can't afford to live by myself. We got married so I could live here with him legally, so nobody is supposed to know about it. Of course some people do anyways. He won't go to IC, he wants me to go to IC for "anger manag"... The therapist said during our interview that she may need to have sessions alone with him eventually.


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