# Is it a bad thing that I'm happy being alone?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I gave up on my two good friends because they were cheating on their respective husbands and I no longer have close friends to go out with. 

I'm divorced and after a few akward dates, I'm not really interested in dating. 

I'm 49 years old and still have teenagers to care for so I do t have a ton of free time but basically, I have become content on just being alone all the time. 

I have my books to read, bike to ride, kids to care for, cooking, cleaning. 

I'm actually pretty happy just staying away from people.

Is that too weird? Is there something wrong (in your opinion) with someone like me who is highly anti-social?

I've been through so many traumatic things that I just like things quiet and peaceful. I feel as I am judged as a loser but I really feel deep down, a real sense on contentment.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

OP, 

I dont think so, and I wish we were taught more as kids to enjoy quite time alone, instead of always having to "play" with someone. We as a society are taught it not good to be alone, and it's not that way. Like you are finding out. 

What is wonderful is that you are allowing yourself the time to get to know you, to like you, to do things for you, because I find when you are happy with yourself, & know & understand yourself, others like you a whole lot more, and your life turns out to be a whole lot better ! 

~sammy


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't see anything wrong with that. I also stopped being friends with someone who told me she was cheating on her fiancé. She didn't really see anything wrong with it. This made us two very different people whose views on love and loyalty just didn't match, so I didn't feel that the friendship was worth sticking around for.

Now I just have DH, my family and a few distant friends that I rarely keep in touch with. I haven't made any concerted effort to make friends since I moved but I don't feel like my life is lacking for this.

If you are happy and content, then I don't think there's anything more you need. If one day you find someone who you connect with on a level that makes them a worthwhile friend, it just means you'll have room in your life to fit them in.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Rugs said:


> I gave up on my two good friends because they were cheating on their respective husbands and I no longer have close friends to go out with.
> 
> I'm divorced and after a few akward dates, I'm not really interested in dating.
> 
> ...


There's nothing wrong with you. You're not in a "place" to be social, when the time and circumstances are right that will change naturally. Let it come as it will.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Well, on second thought I don't know you so you could be mad as a hatter and I just wouldn't know. This doesn't make you weird though.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

There is nothing wrong with you.You have your books to read and laundry to do and you have your daughters.There is nothing wrong with you.I am retired and I usually do yard work
around the house,read,watch TV,and take care of my wife as she is handicapped.I don't have any friends and not looking any.She goes out once a week with a friend.You are doing good.Just because I'm alone does'nt mean I'm lonely.Best of luck to you.


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## Coco2014 (May 8, 2014)

A woman who has already had marriage experience, already has kids, I don't see why would she wants to be hurry to jump into another relationship. If it was me, I would really enjoy the free time and take it really slow to get into another long term relationship.

But to be around people is needed once a while.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Well thank you. I must say, I do feel content and peaceful. In the spring and summer when the weather warms up, is really the only time I crave any sort of companionship to go out and do something. 

But with teenagers, there is always something to do. 

My grandfather was miserable when he retired because he moved away from his friends and had no one to go fishing with. 

My mom always needs people around. ALWAYS. 

I suppose some people do and some people don't. For now, it feels good for me and I am going to go with it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Rugs you sound just like me, and no I don't think I'm strange! When I divorced the kids stayed with me so my focus was on them, but now they are grown and out of the house. But instead of going out all the time I enjoy my quiet time more than anything, I read, also bike, take care of the house, exercise, yard work....I always keep busy. And if I don't want to busy I can just sit still and enjoy the quiet.

Life is about being happy so do what you want and what makes you feel happy. Others may not understand you wanting to be alone, that's their problem, not yours. Read some books about introverts, we're not as uncommon as people think. Here's a book I recommend; Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking‎.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

There is a another poster here who feels a lot like yourself.. after his divorce.. he has often said he doesn't understand why people need to be around others all the time to be happy and he is very much content being alone, dating is not something even on the radar.. he sees a family member now & again.. has a job...and 2 kids.. he's happy.. and content.. 

I will direct him to this thread.. 

I think there are all sorts of people out there.. those who DO thrive on companionship may not be able to understand it (I am one of those -just being honest here)....but just as I wouldn't want anyone to think there was something wrong with ME ..or feel I am emotionally "needy" .. "clingy".. or whatever.. I can fully appreciate that we should not label or think there is something wrong with those who enjoy more solitude.. in their lives either....

I think if you have hobbies that fulfill you in life..whatever they may be.. even what you do for a living... this is all some some need for happiness...


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

I am much like you. I'm divorced for a year and a half now. 50 yrs old, 2 kids - 1 still at home, 2 grandkids. I have no good friends outside of work. My ex was my best friend and with him gone, I just keep to myself now. I get interaction with others at work, and if I want to chit chat I can..but mostly just stick to business. 

I don't know.. I have no desire to mingle assets etc again. I would rather just go it alone. I'm not out there looking for anyone. If it happens, it happens. And even at that, I want him to have his own place, his own life. lol


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I gave up on my two good friends because they were cheating on their respective husbands and I no longer have close friends to go out with.


Good for you!!! Smart if you ask me.

I've been there and thought to myself. If my "friend" is going behind their #1 priority/loved ones back....and feels 0 remorse or wrong doing......how long before they back stab me in some way shape or form?






Rugs said:


> I'm divorced and after a few akward dates, I'm not really interested in dating.


Don't give up! It's like applying for a job, looking for a job is a FULL time job. Out of 100 applications you might fill out you MIGHT get 1 call.

Same for dating.





Rugs said:


> I'm 49 years old and still have teenagers to care for so I do t have a ton of free time but basically, I have become content on just being alone all the time.
> 
> I have my books to read, bike to ride, kids to care for, cooking, cleaning.
> 
> ...


Not weird AT ALL. I like being with my loved ones mostly as well. I don't really have time to dedicate to friends and I just don't value friendships all that much either. 

Sure I have guys to play sports with and hang out if I want.....and I do play sports at times (I prefer playing with my kids though).....but again, friends are a very low priority on my list.

I find most people to be full of themselves, selfish and it seems like they just create drama (for themselves and people around them)

You are NOT anti social or a loser, you are simply sick of people's ****! And knowing this and separating yourself from it is SMART (opposite of loser).

As long as you are happy, that's all that matter.

I've been caught up into friend crap over the years and it has brought me more drama and unhappiness than anything else. And just like marriage/relationship, if it doesn't bring you happiness or it's not healthy......I book.

I also found that I like people in VERY small doses over the years. As in one special someone, vs group of people.

My wife is my best friend and meets ALL of my needs/requirements. I'm happy.

Over the years, watching people around me/neighbors etc, it seems like we are the norm. Most people are too busy in their lives to have friends over or hang out. I don't remember last time I seen a friend come over to ANY of my neighbors houses.

Most people are just tired of dealing with others people **** is what I figured.

I also don't have time to be a good friend, so hard for me to expect it from someone else to be a good one.

Also, I'm a stay at home type and enjoy the comfort of my home. Going out is not really appealing to me unless you are talking with my wife and kids, even then we go to places where there is no people.

Longer I live, more people I get to know.....more annoying they seem to get. 

We find places that are remote the most peaceful and happiest. Farther from civilization we get, more happier we are.

Weird to some I'm sure, but it's what we love/like.

All of your typical tourist traps have become the least appealing places to go to. I want to see nature, hear birds, hear the waves......not see herds of annoying people.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I think we are a little like dogs. Young dogs are excited and eager to meet new people, older dogs prefer to stick to people they know and are happy on their own.

As long as people coming to visit is not something that fills you with dread, i.e. you have built a cocoon for yourself to block the world out, then I think it is perfectly healthy. 

I must also say I am very impressed at the stand you took.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Rugs, I don't think there is anything wrong with being happy alone. I'm the same age as you and if I found myself single after a LTR, the last thing I would want to do is get tied down again. 

To be honest, I'm always surprised by people that get out of one relationship and immediately want to jump into another one. They don't even give themselves a breather.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I gave up on my two good friends because they were cheating on their respective husbands and I no longer have close friends to go out with.
> 
> I'm divorced and after a few akward dates, I'm not really interested in dating.
> 
> ...


Nope. I have a very small circle of friends. I enjoy my alone time. Large crowds I tolerate but I do not like being in the crowd. If my W and I separated I would probably stay single. That can change though. 

Like you, I like peace and quiet. So does my W. It is a nice thing that we can do that. 

If you are content then that is all that matters.


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## Canon in D (Aug 24, 2014)

You are perfectly normal. It's wonderful that you are able to enjoy your own company, I've got friends who can never be alone and always assumed that I may be lonely, what they can't understand is though I love hanging out with people I love me for myself too. You are doing great, enjoy!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I'm happily married, have lots of friends, and am in a very social career...

Yet, still, I prize my alone time immensely (though I'm a spiritual person who seldom ever feels truly "alone"). 


While I don't want to imagine my life without the people I love, and I love them so damn much, a very healthy dose of alone time is vital to my well being. I know people who cannot stand to be by themselves too much, my wife included, and I don't get that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I am an introvert and too much time with people exhausts me. So I need lots of alone time. I take long walks with my dog and read and spend too much time on TAM. Then I'm energized and ready to spend time with the people in my life. I would never want another marriage though. Limited interaction works better for me.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

the sad fact of aging, that i do not see discussed anywhere, is that it is damned hard to make new friends after you are 30ish years old. So at 49...yes it is going to be tough.

I see nothing wrong with doing things alone. Some of my fondest memories are of solo hiking trips in the mountains.

But after a year or two of no human contact, you will probably start to miss it. There are other ways of finding it without actually dating. Meetup.com is a good example of where to find new friends without it being a huge love interest/dating thing. Taking a class on something at a local college is good too. Volunteering, like at a church/charity is good.

artists go thru this dilema all the time. They need to be alone enough to be creative and have the space to branch out. But they also need the peer support for their new work, critiques from other knowledgeable people...so eventually they NEED the human interaction too.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

murphy5 said:


> the sad fact of aging, that i do not see discussed anywhere, is that it is damned hard to make new friends after you are 30ish years old.


Really? I haven't found that to be the case at all.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

jaquen said:


> Really? I haven't found that to be the case at all.


how do u do it? give us some pointers!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Rugs, if there is something wrong with you, then there is something wrong with me too; they can haul us off together. 

I'm like you; I'm the other poster SA was referring to in her post.
I think it's a matter of what you truly know you like deep sown inside. For some reason, a lot of people assume that we all need a lot of time with others, and if we don't, they think it's sad, but that's not the case. 

My brother and I were recently discussing relationships, and he said said, " What form could greater happiness come in that to be able to wake up and be in charge of yourself, do what you want to do when you want to do it?"

I agreed. Sometimes i feel like I have the freedom of my 20 year old self again, and I'm 46. I bought another vehicle in July, for example, and I got exactly what I wanted and didn't have to check with anyone or get something slightly different to compromise. I do what I want when I want. It's great.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

murphy5 said:


> how do u do it? give us some pointers!


I open myself up to people that I want to get to know and I genuinely listen intently to what they have to say.

I think people who have difficulty making new friends, at any age, usually run up against feelings of awkwardness about approaching new people, risking feeling like some kind of annoying loser. But I find while making new friends takes a little patience, a little effort, it pays off in the end. I get that's not easy for a lot of people though.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Nope - you're no different than a lot of people (me included). Southbound said it best - it's great to just do something because you want to do it without having to check with the other party. 

In my case, I have no interest in talking to my wife (we really have nothing besides the kids to talk about), but I don't get a lot of alone time as I take the kids a lot (easier for Daddy to do it as Mommy gets way too stressed out). For me, alone time is when the kids are in bed and DW is out with friends. I can read a book without having to worry about conversing with her. 

Enjoy your alone time, and don't let anyone else tell you that it's wrong.


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## Peaches and cream (Sep 30, 2014)

There is absolutely noting wrong with alone time... who in the world wants to hear a constant stream of celebrity gossip, football scores, hair weaves and nail treatments. I know those things bore me to tears. Besides many just want to say you are a friend so they can add you to their list on Facebook and other social medias. Why bother to make friends when all they want to do is be on the cell phone when with you... I have no time for that junk.
the other thing people are doing is using up the money they have on clothing cars and cigarettes and dope then when broke latch onto a so called friend and constantly borrow money from them for their short comings. Not my idea of a good thing.


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