# Stepchildren/Stepgrandchildren



## Indie0665 (May 4, 2015)

My husband and I have been married for 15 years this year. 
Shortly after we were married, it became painfully apparent to me that he was incapable of loving my children the way I loved his. I accepted that he was not around them when they were very young so he just did not have and was not going to develop that bond. 
Our three children are now grown and 2 of them have children, one of them is biologically his and the other mine. I have noticed a marked difference in his willingness to interact and express love between the two of them. It is obvious, and not just to me, that he favors his son's child over my daughter's. I have had friends mention it to me as well as other family members. 
He gets irritated when I want to take my grandchild for the weekend or for a few hours but jumps all over taking his grandchild. I have brought the matter to his attention several times as nicely as I can, he denies it, but it continues. I am finding this to be very painful and am worried that the children will begin to notice this when they are old enough. 
Has anyone else had this experience? If so, any advice?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Perhaps your expectations are unrealistic. A step parent is under no obligation to love their step kids.

I have to be honest and say that if we ever get to that point I would without a doubt love my bio grand kids more than my step grand kids. It would not bother me if my partner feels the same. 
As it stands now I know he cares very much for my kids as I do his but there will never be the same bond with step kids as bio, well not for me. I cannot see what is so bad about that as long as everyone is treated with respect.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree that you cannot expect that your husband loves you children in the same manner as he loves his. That seldom happens.

But, it's wrong that he gives you grief when you want your grandchild to visit.

You might want to get him to go to Marriage Counseling with you to settle this.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I don't think everyone is cut out to be a step-parent. I know I'm not, and I know my STBX isn't (he's been one, and I think he sucked at it). 

But, EleGirl is right....he's being a jerk about your grandchild's visits.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I agree with the other posters. I know my hb doesn't love my kids on the level that I do, but he's decent to them and helps a lot so that's all I ask. He does seem to be a little closer to my younger son but that's because they have more in common as compared to my older son. Still, older son just yesterday told me that hb is fine, but I know very well that he and his brother don't look at hb like they look at me. I think that's normal. 

I don't love hb's daughter on the level I love my kids, but I do love and like her and we get along fine. 

I don't think either of us will view biograndkids the same as step grandkids and I'm ok with that. However, he shouldn't be giving you a hard time about having them over. .... that makes him a jerk. I wouldn't dream of giving my hb a hard time about having his daughter over, or her kids when she has them. Now if he expects to have me look after them that's a different story, but having them over? No problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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