# Not allowed to have male friends



## Valarie1985 (Sep 11, 2012)

I am engaged to a wonderful man, but he doesnt want me to have male friends, but its cool for him to have female friends. He gets a upset even if i mention a guy name that i go to school with(college). I got rid of all my male friends when i got with him. am i wrong for letting him dictate who i associate with. he talks to his female friends an dont tell me an when i find out he get offensive an always say "i forgot".


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Your fiance is UNREASONABLY jealous. It is NOT an attractive nor mature trait. If there mere MENTION of a guy's name is enough to upset him, then he is VERY immature.

To me, jealousy means that he either believes (a) you are a cheating wh*re and he knows you're just waiting for the right opportunity to cheat on him or (b) you're SO STUPID that any man who tries can talk you out of your clothes and into his bed.

I don't find EITHER alternative appealing so I have NEVER tolerated jealousy in a boyfriend (much less a fiance or husband). This is likely to get worse. If a man speaks to you (the mechanic working on your car), he's going to believe the worst. I don't know if it's a guilty conscience on HIS part, but there is something DEFINITELY wrong with him having women friends, FORGETTING to mention he's spoken to them then telling YOU that YOU can't have ANY male friends.

It's NOT gonna get better, just worse. Get out while you can. This is the kind of poison that REALLY RUINS a relationship


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

The Double standard is UNACCEPTABLE. Do not let him get away with it. If this is an equal partnership he needs to sacrifice as well.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Good for him having good boundaries. But what's good for the goose is good for the gander.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Run for the hills and don't look back.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

We eliminated opposite friendships. My husband and I think it's better for our marriage not to have the temptation after we both had emotional affairs. 

However, this is a double standard. He sounds jealous. While jealousy can be warning signs in a relationship, too much jealousy can lead to the destruction of a marriage or relationship (like a fire alarm stuck on).

You need to work this out BEFORE you get married. If he doesn't want opposite friendships and you agree, then you tell him that it has to be equal. If you don't agree, you need to find where your boundaries are and stick with them.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I have male friends with definite clear boundaries. My H has female friends with boundaries as well. I have NEVER given him cause to question my behavior. He has no right to dictate who my friends are. Many of these guys I have known since college (oh so long ago!). I have never dated any of them. If he can't trust me, then I have no respect for him.

If he can dictate who you have as friends, but he has free reign, this is controlling and manipulative on so many levels. If you can't stand up for yourself because he gets angry, you have even more problems. You cannot lie to him about who you associate with. Secrets will destroy your relationship. Work this out before you get married.


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

OS friends are a huge no-no in my marriage. My wife isn't allowed to have much to do with other men outside of a casual hello. It is a valid thing to expect in a marriage if both partners can agree upon it. But, this double standard thing your fiance is trying to pull wouldn't go over at all with my wife. And if you are wondering, I am more strict with my interactions with other women than I expect my wife to be with other men! I lead by example.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

I think it it important for both spouses to be on the same page with opposite sex friends. His actions are a really bad sign that shows that he thinks he doesn't live by the same rules that he establishes. This kind of duplicity sets up the potential for a lot of problems in your marriage.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

****I am engaged to a wonderful man, but he doesnt want me to have male friends, but its cool for him to have female friends.****

Well, he's not wonderful then. If you keep your male friends at arm's length. I don't see what the problem is.

I have dated guys who would assume everything. If you speak to a guy, you must be ****ing him. It gets old quick. 

One early warning signal of an abusive partner is that they make it difficult for you to make and maintain friendships. Are you sure he doesn't act just a little bit funny when something has to do with your female friends as well?


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## Valarie1985 (Sep 11, 2012)

I thank you all for your concerns an replies. It makes me look at this relationship closer. It is a double standard.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

It's a little more than a double standard. You need to think about what is unique about his relationships with his girlfriends that would have him concerned about YOUR mixed gender relationships. Because of his relationships with these girls, he may know what your boyfriends have in mind.

You do know that your male friends would bed you in a heartbeat, don't you? Your boyfriend knows that. Figure out HOW he knows that then you'll get what I mean.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Yoiu are setting yourself up to be controled,if he is this bad now what is he going to be like after you get married.I would call the wedding off now or you are going to pay the price later.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Has he been cheated on before?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

As a general rule my husband and I don't have OS friends but what your fiance is doing is controlling behavior. It's not okay to demand something of you without being willing to do it himself.

This is a total red flag.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

jfv said:


> The Double standard is UNACCEPTABLE. Do not let him get away with it. If this is an equal partnership he needs to sacrifice as well.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Double standard is not cool at all. Neither of you should if married. 



Men and Women Can’t Be Friends | Married Man Sex Life


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Valarie1985 said:


> I am engaged to a wonderful man, but he doesnt want me to have male friends, but its cool for him to have female friends. He gets a upset even if i mention a guy name that i go to school with(college). I got rid of all my male friends when i got with him. am i wrong for letting him dictate who i associate with. he talks to his female friends an dont tell me an when i find out he get offensive an always say "i forgot".


Neither a fiancee or a spouse has the right to tell you who you can, and can not, be friends with.

If the two of your decide mutually to restrict same sex friends, than so be it. You'd be on the same accord, which brings peace to any situation.

But if you gave up friends that you did not want to give up, all because your fiancee commanded you to, that was a mistake. 

Actually what he's doing, keeping his female friends, is exactly what you should have done. And if he had a hissy fit over it, and can't deal with the people in your life, then it might be time to renegotiate your engagement.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

jaquen said:


> Neither a fiancee or a spouse has the right to tell you who you can, and can not, be friends with.
> 
> If the two of your decide mutually to restrict same sex friends, than so be it. You'd be on the same accord, which brings peace to any situation.
> 
> ...


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I would nt put up with that I think you should go ahead and tell him either he gets rid of his female friends or you are going to have male friends. Marriage is a two way street one having something the other doesnt or cant have isnt going to work in the long run it will lead to resentment and conflict now is a good time to hash this out before your married if he want budge then i would think again about mariage with him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

A LOT of great points have been made in this thread.



Valarie1985 said:


> I thank you all for your concerns an replies. It makes me look at this relationship closer. It is a double standard.


Yes, it is. Is he controlling in other aspects of your relationship? Does he get jealous of any of the friendships you have with your female friends? Does he likes your friends? How does he deal with things when you are at a disagreement on something?



NextTimeAround said:


> *One early warning signal of an abusive partner is that they make it difficult for you to make and maintain friendships*. Are you sure he doesn't act just a little bit funny when something has to do with your female friends as well?


100% YES. It's one of the clearest warning signs/red flags. And no matter what, what he is doing is controlling/double-standard behavior. 



WorkingOnMe said:


> But what's good for the goose is good for the gander.


Yep



jaquen said:


> NActually what he's doing, keeping his female friends, is exactly what you should have done. *And if he had a hissy fit over it, and can't deal with the people in your life, then it might be time to renegotiate your engagement*.


Exactly. :iagree:


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