# I don't know which way to turn



## moniwo (Mar 3, 2012)

what do you do when you find yourself feeling that your all isn't good enough. What do you do when you seem you get up every morning to fight and argue? What do you do when you have prayed and cried. What do you do when you've just gotten married and your husband has spent majority of your marriage because he doesn't want to change. What do you do when you've had his first child at the age of him being 45 and 36 and he constantly tells you that marriages isn't perfect and that he is going to change. What do you do when What do you do when you have to get in public and act as if your the happy couple and behind close doors your not. What do you do when you feel the only time he has to show that he cares or show you affection only when your being intimate? What do you do when you've talked to him and he blames everyone and not himself? What do you Do???????????????????


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

How long have you been married? Have the two of you looked into marriage counseling? What are your fights about? Have y'all ever gotten along? If so, can you pin point what has changed from then to now? You're asking a lot of questions, but its hard to help without a little more info.
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## moniwo (Mar 3, 2012)

Thanks for replying Cherry

I been married since 2010 we dated very shortly he asked me to marry him after a month in to our relationship. We feel in love at first sight. Two months into the relationship I got pregnant so being that I felt that I had sinned again and being a pastor's daughter I married him. We had problems from the fact that he would look for a job when he wanted to I actually had to fuse and that would make him get up and get a job. When I meet him there were some lies that he told like he was a chief and that he owned his own business. Come to find out he was a chief for papaddeaux and can barley cook. His own business was his friends and he was just helping to assist making anywhere from $7-15. Cherry in the beginning we lived 4 hrs apart so since he was from one place to another I felt sorry for him gave him $1,900 and moved him up to where I was that's when I think the problems came in. I didn't know he had a snoring problem, he loved to eat, etc. We have been married since Nov 2010 he has spent majority of our marriage on the couch because we get into it. Every time he does something he doesn't want anyone to say anything to him. Him and my youngest daughter gets into it a lot. He has know closeness with my girls at all just his son. If we get into it he will go as far as two months not saying anything to me. And it seems that the only other time would be when I would start to get lonely and we become intimate and then the problems start all over again. We fight because he doesn't want to here me tell him of the things that he does wrong. He says that everyone is selfish. He tells me that he would change and that's why I held in for so long. Our son is a year old now and I don't want he to see that the two of us really don't get along. I now decided to just stay in the backroom and only come out when needed to. Cherry we can be in public and he can walk around and eye other females butts while I am there in his presence. I've prayed so much and I cried I don't know what to do. Last night in the Bible in Hosea it speaks about love and sometimes when the other has done wrong you have to separate yourself so that's what I have done so he can deal with himself. No taking him to work, no fixing dinner, more-so fend for himself. Last week this time we got into an argument and I told him that I couldn't take it for him to go ahead and leave. This argument was over the fact that he hasn't done anything for the children he wants to keep his money to himself. After arguing he finally decided to go buy him diapers and wipes and finally the girls something,, but it shouldn't take all this. Like I said our pastor counsel us and he told the pastor that he knows that he stress me out. My dad which is a pastor is here every other week no hope. He was going to walk out on his family. So I am going to give him his space that's all I can do I guess.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Do you work?
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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Get counseling. That's the last resort. You rushed into marriage w/o really knowing each other, so the things you are learning now are things he was able and willing to hide and lie about for a few months. 

He lied to you about his employment, and that lie--plus his inability to hold a good job, etc.--mean that either you have to take over as the financial provider, or you separate because of the lie. No one would blame you--not even God himself. Marrying under false pretenses is usually grounds for annulment--that is, even the most conservative of churches recognize that some people will lure another into a false marriage. But see a therapist, even if you do church counseling too. Get individual counseling outside of the church for yourself, and see if marriage counseling in or out of your faith helps. 

If you were already a single mom, you know what it's like, and you know you can do it. Also, recognize that people who rush proposals are usually hiding themselves and they rush b/c they know they cannot sustain the lie for very long. Stay away from men who hurry you. It takes 1-2 years--seeing someone under many different circumstances (serious illness, perhaps, or serious problems--and how they handle those things) before you really know someone's character. Don't commit before you've given yourself time to learn--and pay attention to the little things, the tiny white lies and tiny moral infractions. Those are clues to the bigger picture.


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