# I've finally made a break through!!



## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

Hi All,

I haven’t been on for a while, roughly 4 weeks. Some of you may remember, H having affair, found out 6 months ago, he wouldn’t give her up. Cut a long story short. He stayed in the house for a further 5 months with me, even though I asked him to leave on several occasions. Secretly I thought he may change his mind and want to make us work, as we had had a wonderful relationship pre his depression and other woman. 

He moved out a month ago to live on his own, he is guilt ridden beyond belief and can’t get through a conversation with me without crying. I have stopped him speaking to me and will only communicate by text or email now to stop that. Our house is now sold and I will move from there in a couple of months once the sale is completed.

But I do have something positive to share. When he left the first week, it was the loneliest time, but quite a relief at the same time, I didn’t have to catch him texting anymore for one. I told myself, that I have to make a life for myself now and I can’t give this the emotional energy that I had for the prior 5 months. 

So, I “FORCED” myself to make the effort, as hard as it was. So I set up evenings out with friends, a weekend trip to Europe and dealt with it. To my utter amazement I actually started to enjoy my own company and felt comfortable and I have discovered a lot about me! I am actually an alright person as it happens. I can’t believe I would be saying this, but, I am enjoying my new found freedom, which I couldn’t imagine when a few months ago I felt I was in a death grip of pain and sorrow 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, I do have the odd moment, but far less and few between. 

So, I joined an on-line dating agency and I have met a guy who is in a similar situation (no affairs involved), who is divorced. So I went on a date with him and it was just lovely and he made me realise that I am worth so much more than what I have had to endure these past months and that I do have value and he made me feel very good about myself, although I was feeling good before I met him all by myself, so a real bonus. I’ll take it slow, but will enjoy being spoilt which had become non-existent in my life. 

There is happiness after this hell hole situation and I wanted you to know that I am just climbing out the top, with legs dangling  back into the light. I wanted to thank those that supported me here, you were my rock and I don’t know how I would of got through each day without the support you gave me.

I just wanted to share this with you guys and hope I can give some of you who feel crushed right now a little inspiration in your darkest moments, I never thought I would ever feel happy again........but I do AND you will too. 

Wishing you all luck and love. :smthumbup:


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

I love love LOVE readings posts like this!! I too had to endure the separated with posow but still living together. He did finally move out but in with posow. That was almost 5 months ago and I'm finally starting to climb out of my self pity black hole. 

Enjoy dating and finding yourself again!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I'm so glad you've started to find happiness again. Good for you!


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

What a great update. So happy that you are finding happiness! You go girl!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Good for you Jax.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> Hi All,
> 
> I haven’t been on for a while, roughly 4 weeks. Some of you may remember, H having affair, found out 6 months ago, he wouldn’t give her up. Cut a long story short. He stayed in the house for a further 5 months with me, even though I asked him to leave on several occasions. Secretly I thought he may change his mind and want to make us work, as we had had a wonderful relationship pre his depression and other woman.
> 
> ...


Glad everything is working out I wish you well.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What wonderful news!!!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Happy to hear this.. Congrats..


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## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

I thought it was worth the post, because I was always looking for happy things to read at the end of these situations. And the fact that I can bring some smiles to faces, sits well with me. I am sure you can find happiness, you just have to allow yourself to do so and I know that is easier said than done, believe me.

The water-works phase was becoming uncomfortable, I knew it wasn’t because he wanted me; it was because he felt so guilty about what he had done to me. The last time he came to the house, he cried as I opened the door! I said to him, that if he was crying out of pity for me, I said to him to please don’t, I told him I didn’t want his pity. I also said to him that I don’t want you crying every time you see me; it was making me feel as though he was associating me with unhappiness and that’s not good. So I don't and won't see him anymore. I used to cry for hours/ days/ weeks/months, and he would just shut his bedroom door on me.

I will be serving divorce papers on him once I move – on the grounds of Adultery and I will be naming her too, I suppose that is when her husband will then find out, poor guy.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

GREAT to hear about some real recovery! Reconciliation is not the way to healing your own soul - that just fixes the relationship. Finally living for YOU, is what makes a person whole.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wow! I know how you feel! Very happy for you! After my divorce, I wrote 10 positive self-descriptors and dwelled on them. I had some issues with my job and it opened a door for me to embark on making a dream designing profession come true. I thoroughly enjoyed the journey, even though the money did not follow . During that whole time, my ex was in the picture. But he was probably checking out the models behind my back. I remarried him. Now I want to shoot myself.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

Good to hear and I am glad you are finding out that there is life after divorce!

One word of caution, I would think seriously about not dating until after your divorce is final. 

You need the time to keep discovering yourself and getting past this before you bring in someone new to stir things up further. It's not fair to either you or your new dates at this point in time.

The rest is great...get out with friends, travel, do activities YOU enjoy!


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## goshjosh (Mar 23, 2013)

This is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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