# Online Dating Tips, Recommendations, Do's Don'ts



## Deejo

Don't want this opening post to be a novella. So ... work in progress and certainly would ask others to contribute as well. Have thought this would be a useful thread for anyone thinking about it jumping in, or improving their existing dating profile and well, dates.

Easy tenets for online dating apps:
- You get what you pay for
I do not recommend free dating apps. Seems a good place to 'get your feet wet'. It is not.

- Have something to say
Don't leave your profile blank.
Say something about yourself. Say something about what you are looking for in a partner.
I don't recommend making your profile a screed about previous bad dating experiences, or what you DON'T want. Unless of course what you don't want is critically important, whether it is a political bent, vegan, childless, must love dogs ... whatever. At that point, you are doing the dating pool a favor by letting them disqualify themselves from wasting their time and yours.

-Photos
Have to have them. Although, I can say anecdotally that women can create a profile and indicate their age, build, interests with no photos and they absolutely will still get some play. Certainly will not be quality interested parties, but will still get views and indicators of interest nonetheless. 
Men? Nope. Nada. Nothing. You must have photos. Recent photos. Clear photos. Good photos. Not taken by you ... in your bathroom mirror. Keep your shirt on. Don't be holding a fish. Don't ask me why, but almost universally in my dating experience women do not react well to the 'holding a fish' photos.
Conversely, many female profiles WILL feature them holding a fish, which will likely resonate with the male fish holding crowd.

Photo Do's
Have a full body shot. Regardless of your size or physical appearance descriptor.
Smile.
Try to have more than 3 photos. The reason for this, is that virtually ALL fraudulent or catfishing accounts on dating apps feature 3 or less photos, and no profile content.
Make your primary profile picture the best closeup photo you have of your face.
Look like you are having fun doing something, in a photo taken by someone else, rather than a bunch of selfies.
Include both indoor and outdoor shots.
Include photos of you doing something you are passionate about ... unless you are male and your passion is holding fish for photos after a catch. (See above)

Photo Don'ts
Don't post photos that do not accurately reflect your current appearance.
Don't post photos older than 2 years without indicating the date they were taken.
Don't use photo filters that 'improve' your appearance.
Don't be wearing sunglasses in your primary profile photo
Don't feature your pet throughout your photos
Don't include photos that are not of you, sunsets, landscapes, etc. they are of interest to no one but you. Anyone that tells you they found them interesting is doing so ONLY because they believe the photo is important to you.
Don't include your children
Don't include photos of friends, siblings, or children where it looks like a serial killer has scratched out all of their faces. If you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Don't put up photos where it is clear one of the non-faced people is your ex.

_Posting this as a start, but I will be editing further_


----------



## RandomDude

I'm getting plenty of matches last few days since getting back on the apps but texting sucks

I get bored with the small talk but when I try to talk deeper it flies straight over their head


----------



## Deejo

RandomDude said:


> I'm getting plenty of matches last few days since getting back on the apps but texting sucks
> 
> I get bored with the small talk but when I try to talk deeper it flies straight over their head


After a lot of fumbling around, I effectively established my own online dating rules. Else you get caught up in email, texting, and phone call hell. This advice is of course primarily for the guys, because although we are shooting for equality, it is still 99.9% of the man's responsibility to ask for the date. 

So for me, it is between 3 and 5 points of contact, and then just ask for the date. No complexity. She can say 'yes' or some variant of 'I don't know how comfortable I am with that.' At which point you have been given the opportunity to address her concerns, or surmise the more likely case, that you have competition ... which is also why you want to be the guy that asks for the date rather than becoming her pen-pal.

Not suggesting you do this @RandomDude, just commenting on my experience.


----------



## SpinyNorman

Deejo said:


> Don't want this opening post to be a novella. So ... work in progress and certainly would ask others to contribute as well. Have thought this would be a useful thread for anyone thinking about it jumping in, or improving their existing dating profile and well, dates.
> 
> Easy tenets for online dating apps:
> - You get what you pay for
> I do not recommend free dating apps. Seems a good place to 'get your feet wet'. It is not.


Long ago I read an interview w/ a former employee of a dating service that charged $$. You put up some info about yourself, browsed others' info and asked to meet the ones that interested you. They had the option of agreeing or declining, and the former employee said the rate of decline was sky high. His opinion was, people thought their payment entitled them to someone better than them, but the better person they aspired to date had also paid and so likewise aspired to someone better, not worse.


----------



## Deejo

SpinyNorman said:


> Long ago I read an interview w/ a former employee of a dating service that charged $$. You put up some info about yourself, browsed others' info and asked to meet the ones that interested you. They had the option of agreeing or declining, and the former employee said the rate of decline was sky high. His opinion was, people thought their payment entitled them to someone better than them, but the better person they aspired to date had also paid and so likewise aspired to someone better, not worse.


Being aware of the 'delusion of abundance' is certainly an important factor to be aware of. I don't presume at all that paying to play means or entitles one to better options. But it used to at least mean fewer lousy options and scams. Given OLD's prevalence, I'm not sure that holds true any more.

The delusion of abundance is also a self-correcting mechanism. You can think that you deserve, younger, richer, hotter, or whatever, but your results in terms of actual dates and transitions into relationships is going to sort that right out for anyone holding that belief.

The OK Cupid's, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder's are all out there. If someone is primarily interested in establishing a potential long term relationship, as opposed to casual encounters, the Match.com's, eHarmony's, ChristianMingle's despite the rejection rate, which is prevalent in all of them, are still going to be better options.


----------



## leftfield

If


Deejo said:


> Don't want this opening post to be a novella. So ... work in progress and certainly would ask others to contribute as well. Have thought this would be a useful thread for anyone thinking about it jumping in, or improving their existing dating profile and well, dates.
> 
> Easy tenets for online dating apps:
> - You get what you pay for
> I do not recommend free dating apps. Seems a good place to 'get your feet wet'. It is not.
> 
> - Have something to say
> Don't leave your profile blank.
> Say something about yourself. Say something about what you are looking for in a partner.
> I don't recommend making your profile a screed about previous bad dating experiences, or what you DON'T want. Unless of course what you don't want is critically important, whether it is a political bent, vegan, childless, must love dogs ... whatever. At that point, you are doing the dating pool a favor by letting them disqualify themselves from wasting their time and yours.
> 
> -Photos
> Have to have them. Although, I can say anecdotally that women can create a profile and indicate their age, build, interests with no photos and they absolutely will still get some play. Certainly will not be quality interested parties, but will still get views and indicators of interest nonetheless.
> Men? Nope. Nada. Nothing. You must have photos. Recent photos. Clear photos. Good photos. Not taken by you ... in your bathroom mirror. Keep your shirt on. Don't be holding a fish. Don't ask me why, but almost universally in my dating experience women do not react well to the 'holding a fish' photos.
> Conversely, many female profiles WILL feature them holding a fish, which will likely resonate with the male fish holding crowd.
> 
> Photo Do's
> Have a full body shot. Regardless of your size or physical appearance descriptor.
> Smile.
> Try to have more than 3 photos. The reason for this, is that virtually ALL fraudulent or catfishing accounts on dating apps feature 3 or less photos, and no profile content.
> Make your primary profile picture the best closeup photo you have of your face.
> Look like you are having fun doing something, in a photo taken by someone else, rather than a bunch of selfies.
> Include both indoor and outdoor shots.
> Include photos of you doing something you are passionate about ... unless you are male and your passion is holding fish for photos after a catch. (See above)
> 
> Photo Don'ts
> Don't post photos that do not accurately reflect your current appearance.
> Don't post photos older than 2 years without indicating the date they were taken.
> Don't use photo filters that 'improve' your appearance.
> Don't be wearing sunglasses in your primary profile photo
> Don't feature your pet throughout your photos
> Don't include photos that are not of you, sunsets, landscapes, etc. they are of interest to no one but you. Anyone that tells you they found them interesting is doing so ONLY because they believe the photo is important to you.
> Don't include your children
> Don't include photos of friends, siblings, or children where it looks like a serial killer has scratched out all of their faces. If you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
> Don't put up photos where it is clear one of the non-faced people is your ex.
> 
> _Posting this as a start, but I will be editing further_


If I'm ever single again, there is noway I can do OLD. The holding a fish photo is a deal breaker between me and any OLD future.


----------



## Not

Deejo said:


> Being aware of the 'delusion of abundance' is certainly an important factor to be aware of. I don't presume at all that paying to play means or entitles one to better options. But it used to at least mean fewer lousy options and scams. Given OLD's prevalence, I'm not sure that holds true any more.
> 
> The delusion of abundance is also a self-correcting mechanism. You can think that you deserve, younger, richer, hotter, or whatever, but your results in terms of actual dates and transitions into relationships is going to sort that right out for anyone holding that belief.
> 
> *The OK Cupid's, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder's are all out there. If someone is primarily interested in establishing a potential long term relationship, as opposed to casual encounters, the Match.com's, eHarmony's, ChristianMingle's despite the rejection rate, which is prevalent in all of them, are still going to be better options.*


It's the experience of POF that has me feeling very hesitant to pour any $$ into other dating apps anymore. I tried Match once about two years ago and saw many of the same men from POF there. Was not happy.


----------



## Diana7

I was on OLD for 2 years before I met my husband. We are talking about 18-20 years ago now so its changed a lot in that time and there are far far more sites. 
The 2 main things I would advise is never to use a free or very cheap site and never to use an international site. Far too many scammers on them.
I actually met my now husband on a small British site.
Another thing I would advise is never use a site that relies merely on looks like Tinder. Unless you are merely looking for casual one night stands. Mr D didn't even have a photo up when I contacted him. He had only just come onto the site and hadn't got round to putting one on yet. I still knew he was a special guy.


----------



## Deejo

leftfield said:


> If
> 
> 
> If I'm ever single again, there is noway I can do OLD. The holding a fish photo is a deal breaker between me and any OLD future.


Make it a kitten instead. Pretend it's a fish. You'll feel better about, and the ladies will love it. Just make sure you aren't lipping or gaffing it.


----------



## RandomDude

Deejo said:


> After a lot of fumbling around, I effectively established my own online dating rules. Else you get caught up in email, texting, and phone call hell. This advice is of course primarily for the guys, because although we are shooting for equality, it is still 99.9% of the man's responsibility to ask for the date.
> 
> So for me, it is between 3 and 5 points of contact, and then just ask for the date. No complexity. She can say 'yes' or some variant of 'I don't know how comfortable I am with that.' At which point you have been given the opportunity to address her concerns, or surmise the more likely case, that you have competition ... which is also why you want to be the guy that asks for the date rather than becoming her pen-pal.
> 
> Not suggesting you do this @RandomDude, just commenting on my experience.


3 to 5 points of contact... 

Except I bore after 1-2 points of contact so far... well, hmmm, except for one right now out of 18...
And if something I say flies right past their head I unmatch cause the flow is lost when I have to explain something


----------



## RandomDude

Deejo said:


> Being aware of the 'delusion of abundance' is certainly an important factor to be aware of. I don't presume at all that paying to play means or entitles one to better options. But it used to at least mean fewer lousy options and scams. Given OLD's prevalence, I'm not sure that holds true any more.
> 
> The delusion of abundance is also a self-correcting mechanism. You can think that you deserve, younger, richer, hotter, or whatever, but your results in terms of actual dates and transitions into relationships is going to sort that right out for anyone holding that belief.
> 
> The OK Cupid's, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder's are all out there. If someone is primarily interested in establishing a potential long term relationship, as opposed to casual encounters, the Match.com's, eHarmony's, ChristianMingle's despite the rejection rate, which is prevalent in all of them, are still going to be better options.


I'm using 2 apps at the moment, Coffee Meets Bagel and Hinge.

I must admit they are MUCH better than any app I've ever tried in the past, not just in the quality and quantity of the matches but I can set preferences (or dealbreakers) and vice versa - race/age/education/religion/height/goals/kids/etc etc


----------



## Deejo

Not said:


> It's the experience of POF that has me feeling very hesitant to pour any $$ into other dating apps anymore. I tried Match once about two years ago and saw many of the same men from POF there. Was not happy.


If it's any consolation, it is generally the same for women as well. I did POF back in 2011. I think my profile was live for a week before I pulled the plug. I went on no dates based on contacts from POF. Had a woman tell me outright that she was married and looking for hook-ups. That was a helluva, 'hello'. And yeah, I found it odd too, that I was seeing the same people.

I would advise you to not be discouraged by that. People still have the same goal; they want to maximize the opportunity of meeting someone with whom they can establish a real connection. 

I think it is important to not be entirely skeptical of, or negative about the process. Seems that many are. It is absolutely important to understand how the ecosystem works, and importantly how to make it work for you.


----------



## Deejo

Diana7 said:


> I was on OLD for 2 years before I met my husband. We are talking about 18-20 years ago now so its changed a lot in that time and there are far far more sites.
> The 2 main things I would advise is never to use a free or very cheap site and never to use an international site. Far too many scammers on them.
> I actually met my now husband on a small British site.
> Another thing I would advise is never use a site that relies merely on looks like Tinder. Unless you are merely looking for casual one night stands. Mr D didn't even have a photo up when I contacted him. He had only just come onto the site and hadn't got round to putting one on yet. I still knew he was a special guy.


That is a great story @Diana7. He must have had plenty of good things to say in his profile, because I have literally NEVER heard of a woman reaching out to a man with no photos on his profile. Obviously it worked out very, very, well for the both of you.


----------



## joannacroc

All good pointers. I would add 2: Please have at least one photo where you are smiling (what is it with the pouty for women, and serial killer glare of emotional void for men photos?? ), and maybe it's a personal preference but don't like people who have profile photos that have a car in. The second might be just me though?


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> All good pointers. I would add 2: Please have at least one photo where you are smiling (what is it with the pouty for women, and *serial killer glare* *of emotional void* for men photos?? ), and maybe it's a personal preference but don't like people who have profile photos that *have a car in*. The second might be just me though?


Hahahaha guilty 😅

Still works though, maybe I'm just the type who can pull it off 😊


----------



## Diana7

Deejo said:


> That is a great story @Diana7. He must have had plenty of good things to say in his profile, because I have literally NEVER heard of a woman reaching out to a man with no photos on his profile. Obviously it worked out very, very, well for the both of you.


Back then people only had one photo usually. Some had none at all. It's different now when people usually have several. 
His profile wasn't long, it just seemed genuine.


----------



## Diana7

joannacroc said:


> All good pointers. I would add 2: Please have at least one photo where you are smiling (what is it with the pouty for women, and serial killer glare of emotional void for men photos?? ), and maybe it's a personal preference but don't like people who have profile photos that have a car in. The second might be just me though?


Goodness I just hate pouty photos.


----------



## gold5932

Ok, I know how this sounds but it's tough to find someone that has a little money. I went out on a date last week and they asked me where I like to eat, told them, and they told me I had expensive taste. I should of known better when he picked the restaurant but what should I of done, lied?


----------



## Deejo

gold5932 said:


> Ok, I know how this sounds but it's tough to find someone that has a little money. I went out on a date last week and they asked me where I like to eat, told them, and they told me I had expensive taste. I should of known better when he picked the restaurant but what should I of done, lied?


Absolutely not. Honestly, depending upon your available pool of viable dating candidates, you should absolutely disqualify anyone that pretty much disqualifies themselves. Also sounds to me like he could have been flirting ... poorly. Will have to leave that up to your discretion. But if it is apparent the dude is cheap, then scratch him off the list.

There is no need to be cruel in dating. Yet at the same time, there is no need to be unduly nice either. Dating IS inherently selfish. You are looking for a fit, match, squeeze, friend with benefits, soul-mate, whatever. 
You are doing yourself and the other person a favor if you pull the plug sooner, rather than later. Often neither party is comfortable being rejected, or the rejector, but it is a necessary part of the dating process. I'd tell people all of the time. Get comfortable with being dumped. And don't take it personally. Person is actually doing you a favor by not wasting either of your time.


----------



## gold5932

Pool of dating candidates is small where I live and I live in a large coastal community. Over 60 is a tough bracket. I hate dating.


----------



## Diana7

gold5932 said:


> Pool of dating candidates is small where I live and I live in a large coastal community. Over 60 is a tough bracket. I hate dating.


Are there more people of that age on the coast? In the UK people tend to retire to the coast so there are a greater number of older people. 
Must admit that if anything happens to Mr D I won't be dating again. We are both in our 60's.


----------



## ConanHub

Having no idea about OLD aside from YouTube and reading here, I'm enjoying the thread.

I'm tempted to do a spoof profile with me wearing a diaper and holding a unicorn 🦄 to see what responses I would get.🤣


----------



## Casual Observer

Diana7 said:


> I was on OLD for 2 years before I met my husband. We are talking about 18-20 years ago now so its changed a lot in that time and there are far far more sites.
> The 2 main things I would advise is never to use a free or very cheap site and never to use an international site. Far too many scammers on them.
> I actually met my now husband on a small British site.
> Another thing I would advise is never use a site that relies merely on looks like Tinder. Unless you are merely looking for casual one night stands. Mr D didn't even have a photo up when I contacted him. He had only just come onto the site and hadn't got round to putting one on yet. I still knew he was a special guy.


Do you think there was a quality he had, a way of thinking, that was consistent with feeling awkward or just not thinking it necessary to post a photo? Maybe because there wasn't a photo it allowed you to focus on things more important to you? And him for that matter? I'm truly happy it worked out for the two of you.


----------



## Casual Observer

Deejo said:


> Don't feature your pet throughout your photos


Unless it's a Corgi.


----------



## Enigma32

My biggest pet peeve from my OLD days a few years back was ladies who include many photos but exactly 0 of them are an accurate representation of what the person actually looks like. That means stop with the misleading angles, the filters, the photoshop editing, whatever. The last time I checked OLD, that was pretty much every profile....fake, filtered pics. It's not a good first impression when you disappoint every date once he actually sees you in person. Take a few pics that show what you look like. Face, full body pics, that sort of thing. Skip the filters. Just normal pictures.

Men, if you don't run into almost instant success using OLD, take breaks as needed. I am speaking from experience (and from other men have told me) that the constant rejection and complete lack of attention many men get on OLD can be soul crushing. If you find yourself constantly sending out messages and still getting mostly ignored after months on end, take a break. Otherwise, it is my belief that it will have a negative impact on your confidence and overall mental well-being.


----------



## Corgi Mum

Casual Observer said:


> Unless it's a Corgi.


Can I rent mine out as a photo prop? 

Ditto on the no car advice, it's right up there with holding a fish. Are you selling your Ferrari/Lamborghini/4X4 or yourself?


----------



## gold5932

Diana7 said:


> Are there more people of that age on the coast? In the UK people tend to retire to the coast so there are a greater number of older people.
> Must admit that if anything happens to Mr D I won't be dating again. We are both in our 60's.


I live on the West Coast and older people are moving, at least that's what I'm seeing. Housing is so expensive now in this area. Older men seem to be wanting to meet their "soul mate". What's up with that? It's just tough to get started again and I've been single for a couple of years. And I find it really takes a lot of work to OLD.


----------



## RandomDude

What's wrong with car photos though? Mine is inside my car, and it's a vintage vehicle so if they don't like it they don't like it and good riddance as it's no Ferrari, dont like material girls, also have my profession as simply 'self-employed'... 😅


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Having no idea about OLD aside from YouTube and reading here, I'm enjoying the thread.
> 
> I'm tempted to do a spoof profile with me wearing a diaper and holding a unicorn 🦄 to see what responses I would get.🤣


Very few


----------



## Diana7

gold5932 said:


> I live on the West Coast and older people are moving, at least that's what I'm seeing. Housing is so expensive now in this area. Older men seem to be wanting to meet their "soul mate". What's up with that? It's just tough to get started again and I've been single for a couple of years. And I find it really takes a lot of work to OLD.


Dont you want to meet your soul mate?


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> My biggest pet peeve from my OLD days a few years back was ladies who include many photos but exactly 0 of them are an accurate representation of what the person actually looks like. That means stop with the misleading angles, the filters, the photoshop editing, whatever. The last time I checked OLD, that was pretty much every profile....fake, filtered pics. It's not a good first impression when you disappoint every date once he actually sees you in person. Take a few pics that show what you look like. Face, full body pics, that sort of thing. Skip the filters. Just normal pictures.
> 
> Men, if you don't run into almost instant success using OLD, take breaks as needed. I am speaking from experience (and from other men have told me) that the constant rejection and complete lack of attention many men get on OLD can be soul crushing. If you find yourself constantly sending out messages and still getting mostly ignored after months on end, take a break. Otherwise, it is my belief that it will have a negative impact on your confidence and overall mental well-being.


I was on Christian sites and due to the fact that the ratio of women to men there was about 3 to 1, it wasn't an easy place to be for a woman. So I get that being rejected and ignored isn't easy. If you can it's worth persisting though.


----------



## Diana7

Casual Observer said:


> Do you think there was a quality he had, a way of thinking, that was consistent with feeling awkward or just not thinking it necessary to post a photo? Maybe because there wasn't a photo it allowed you to focus on things more important to you? And him for that matter? I'm truly happy it worked out for the two of you.


It wasn't a deliberate decision not to post one, he just didn't have one when he did his profile. He put one up a few days later that one of his sons took but by then we had exchanged many many emails. It definitely wasn't down to feeling awkward. 
Yes it did enable me to read the man behind the physical I guess. So many just make a decision based on looks alone which is sad.


----------



## As'laDain

Lol, one caveat to the "holding a fish" photo...

If it's obvious that the fish is going to live, it works. 

One of my profile pictures that apparently got attention was a picture of me holding a 36 inch long butterfly koi, with the caption " nacho is ready for a new home!". For a butterfly koi, he was massive! 
I didn't have a shirt on, but i was standing in one of my koi ponds. I don't know, people seem to like pictures of people not being ****s to animals, and that includes fish. In my case, I got nacho when he was about an inch long, so I was kinda proud of how big he had gotten. Though I doubt many people would see that the same way as being proud of the fact that a fish bit your lure...

I had pictures of me holding game fish as well, because I kept them as pets. Sunfish end up acting like little underwater puppies. If you feed them and interact with them every day, they will get to the point where they will get excited to see you, swim right into your hand, etc.

Most of the messages I get in online dating apps is from people who are either really young and just want to do something new and interesting or middle aged, recently divorced, or even still married and are looking for a hookup. I don't do hookups though. It seems that single mothers are usually the most indignant about that fact when they find out that I am serious when I say I don't do hookups. 

Oddly enough, plenty of fish is probably the worst one about that. I don't know why, but that site seems to be cheater central.


----------



## Enigma32

Diana7 said:


> I was on Christian sites and due to the fact that the ratio of women to men there was about 3 to 1, it wasn't an easy place to be for a woman. So I get that being rejected and ignored isn't easy. If you can it's worth persisting though.


It's been a good while since I have been on those sites for any length of time, but after dealing with it myself, hearing stories online, and talking to my friends, I really do think that the constant rejection takes a toll on someone. I think the common advice men get for OLD is absolutely zero help. You know, the send out thoughtful messages, play the numbers game, and wait for someone to reply when your reply rate is around 1/10. In short, it sucks. I think it causes a lot of bitterness in the end.


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> It's been a good while since I have been on those sites for any length of time, but after dealing with it myself, hearing stories online, and talking to my friends, I really do think that the constant rejection takes a toll on someone. I think the common advice men get for OLD is absolutely zero help. You know, the send out thoughtful messages, play the numbers game, and wait for someone to reply when your reply rate is around 1/10. In short, it sucks. I think it causes a lot of bitterness in the end.


It's the same for women. I think you just have to go into OLD understanding that this will happen.


----------



## Enigma32

Diana7 said:


> It's the same for women. I think you just have to go into OLD understanding that this will happen.


I think ladies have different challenges, but Christian dating sites aside, those challenges are not the same as the challenges men deal with. Men often get totally ignored. Ladies just struggle picking someone decent.


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> I think ladies have different challenges, but Christian dating sites aside, those challenges are not the same as the challenges men deal with. Men often get totally ignored. Ladies just struggle picking someone decent.


I think you find that women get ignored as well, unless they are blond slim and attractive.


----------



## Enigma32

Diana7 said:


> I think you find that women get ignored as well, unless they are blond slim and attractive.


Maybe on your Christian dating site. Never heard or experienced any other woman getting ignored on the more mainstream sites. They might get some crappy matches but the matches pile up. I also dabbled in making fake profiles to see what things were really like on OLD and the fake female profiles NEVER got ignored, regardless of the pics used. She could be 350lbs with 3 kids and still married.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Diana7 said:


> I think you find that women get ignored as well, unless they are blond slim and attractive.


I wonder if any OLD sites give users tools to see how they are doing relative to the anonymized/general competition, test different variations of their profile, and present score cards showing what is missing vs present and done well vs badly, in one’s own profile. Basically, self-marketing analytics tools for the OLD user.


----------



## Corgi Mum

RandomDude said:


> What's wrong with car photos though? Mine is inside my car, and it's a vintage vehicle so if they don't like it they don't like it and good riddance as it's no Ferrari, dont like material girls, also have my profession as simply 'self-employed'... 😅


Flashy car photos will definitely attract the high-maintenance materialistic types. It just looks like the guy is advertising a lifestyle more than a person.


----------



## Not

Enigma32 said:


> Men, if you don't run into almost instant success using OLD, take breaks as needed. I am speaking from experience (and from other men have told me) that the constant rejection and complete lack of attention many men get on OLD can be soul crushing. If you find yourself constantly sending out messages and still getting mostly ignored after months on end, take a break. Otherwise, it is my belief that it will have a negative impact on your confidence and overall mental well-being.


This is one of the the things I hate about OLD. It’s awful being on the other side of that. Women get bombarded with messages, so many after first signing up that it’s literally impossible to answer them all. It would take days and days to answer each one. No one has time for that. But I hate that I can’t even respond with a thank you but no (insert reason).


----------



## Deejo

ConanHub said:


> Having no idea about OLD aside from YouTube and reading here, I'm enjoying the thread.
> 
> I'm tempted to do a spoof profile with me wearing a diaper and holding a unicorn 🦄 to see what responses I would get.🤣


Try this as a your profile picture. Will definitely get results. Not remotely good results, but you know ...


----------



## Enigma32

Not said:


> This is one of the the things I hate about OLD. It’s awful being on the other side of that. Women get bombarded with messages, so many after first signing up that it’s literally impossible to answer them all. It would take days and days to answer each one. No one has time for that. But I hate that I can’t even respond with a thank you but no (insert reason).


Yeah, I get it. Getting some kinda reply back would be better than just outright being ignored but in the end it would be the same thing so it doesn't much matter. For me, I had to get off OLD sites altogether. I had always done pretty well with women in real life and the constant rejection of OLD after my divorce had me feeling some kinda way about myself. I really think OLD is the reason we have so many bitter single dudes.


----------



## Diana7

Corgi Mum said:


> Flashy car photos will definitely attract the high-maintenance materialistic types. It just looks like the guy is advertising a lifestyle more than a person.


 Yes agreed.
A flashy car pic would show me immediately that we are on a different wave length.


----------



## Diana7

Not said:


> This is one of the the things I hate about OLD. It’s awful being on the other side of that. Women get bombarded with messages, so many after first signing up that it’s literally impossible to answer them all. It would take days and days to answer each one. No one has time for that. But I hate that I can’t even respond with a thank you but no (insert reason).


It's really not the case. Not with people I know who tried it(not Christian sites).
I guess it depends on the sites. Someone I know was on a site where the men weren't allowed to contact the women unless they were contacted first. I thought that was quite novel actually.


----------



## RandomDude

Corgi Mum said:


> Flashy car photos will definitely attract the high-maintenance materialistic types. It just looks like the guy is advertising a lifestyle more than a person.


How about a normal interior one just with me at the wheel, pic was taken by ex and always thought it was nice


----------



## Not

Diana7 said:


> It's really not the case. Not with people I know who tried it(not Christian sites).
> I guess it depends on the sites. Someone I know was on a site where the men weren't allowed to contact the women unless they were contacted first. I thought that was quite novel actually.


It very much is the case. POF, Facebook and Bumble women get swamped. I’ve been on all these apps multiple times for the last three years and it’s the same every time. Bumble is the app where men can’t contact the women but the men can put likes on womens profiles and the women can see all that. The number of likes is the same as the number of messages on the other apps. It’s impossible to keep up with.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> What's wrong with car photos though? Mine is inside my car, and it's a vintage vehicle so if they don't like it they don't like it and good riddance as it's no Ferrari, dont like material girls, also have my profession as simply 'self-employed'... 😅


Nothing wrong with a pic of you in your car. I do that too.


----------



## gold5932

Personally, I love fast flashy cars. Fast cars is a like for me on my profile.


----------



## Diana7

Not said:


> It very much is the case. POF, Facebook and Bumble women get swamped. I’ve been on all these apps multiple times for the last three years and it’s the same every time. Bumble is the app where men can’t contact the women but the men can put likes on womens profiles and the women can see all that. The number of likes is the same as the number of messages on the other apps. It’s impossible to keep up with.


a 
As I said it depends on the site. But putting a like on a profile and not being contacted is hardly a rejection. It's not the same as sending a nice friendly email and then not hearing back. 

It also depends on whether it's an international site, national site or more local site. Many people only want to meet people who are in their local area so that cuts down the numbers dramatically. 
You just have to accept on OLD that you will be rejected, you only need one person in the end.


----------



## D0nnivain

Have low expectations but a careful screening process. Recognize it's a numbers game. Be open to meeting many people for low commitment 1st meetings -- i.e. getting a cup of coffee --which are NOT dates. Do not spend weeks or worse, months talking to somebody you may never meet. Do not get invested until after you go on a few dates, certainly not before actually meeting.


----------



## joannacroc

RandomDude said:


> How about a normal interior one just with me at the wheel, pic was taken by ex and always thought it was nice


There's a lid for every pot. Speaking for me only, when you are looking at profile photos you are certainly making snap judgments about what a person might be like based only on the photos you see. To me, a photo of someone with their car, even cool vintage cars which I find very beautiful, says to me that they value status objects over substance. It tells me they probably brag about their car, which I find unattractive. I'm sure there are a lot of women who love cars and would like your photos. As with the rest of OLD nothing you do will please everyone but hopefully your interests weed out people like me. I prefer some indication that the person is literate, stable, interesting, and attractive but not overly taken with status or wealth. A lot of that you really can't tell on first aquaintance, but the profiles do offer a sort of shorthand. I also picture this type of person wanting a woman who is a 10 in looks but has little substance.


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> There's a lid for every pot. Speaking for me only, when you are looking at profile photos you are certainly making snap judgments about what a person might be like based only on the photos you see. To me, a photo of someone with their car, even cool vintage cars which I find very beautiful, says to me that they value status objects over substance. It tells me they probably brag about their car, which I find unattractive. I'm sure there are a lot of women who love cars and would like your photos. As with the rest of OLD nothing you do will please everyone but hopefully your interests weed out people like me. I prefer some indication that the person is literate, stable, interesting, and attractive but not overly taken with status or wealth. A lot of that you really can't tell on first aquaintance, but the profiles do offer a sort of shorthand. I also picture this type of person wanting a woman who is a 10 in looks but has little substance.


Lol actually I call it 'vintage' because it's old not actually because its vintage hahahaha
It's better than calling it a sh--box! 

Just thought I looked sexy in that pic behind the wheel so I used it lol


----------



## joannacroc

Not said:


> This is one of the the things I hate about OLD. It’s awful being on the other side of that. Women get bombarded with messages, so many after first signing up that it’s literally impossible to answer them all. It would take days and days to answer each one. No one has time for that. But I hate that I can’t even respond with a thank you but no (insert reason).


Don't you think it would be rather rude to tell someone "thank you but no; I find you unattractive" or "thank you but no; you didn't bother to write a profile" or "thank you but no; it doesn't seem like we have much in common?" How do you think you might feel if you received a message like that? 

I don't date anymore but when I was doing OLD I would initially (very naively) respond to messages and that then puts you in the rather frightening postion of dealing with disgruntled dudes who retaliate by sending you insults, photos of their d(&( or threats. It's not worth compromising my safety to assuage someone I don't even know. So I stopped responding if I didn't see myself having coffee with them. It's a bit like job applications. No response means they aren't interested. And likewise, if I did "like" someone and didn't hear back from them I assumed they weren't interested. That's kind of part of dating, online or otherwise. It sucks but it is what it is.


----------



## Corgi Mum

RandomDude said:


> How about a normal interior one just with me at the wheel, pic was taken by ex and always thought it was nice


That's totally fine! The car is kinda anonymous and it's more about the person.

I meant the kind where the car takes center stage and the guy is like a superfluous prop in a car ad. The kind that just scream "look at how much money I spend". Same goes with anything ostentatious like posing with your giant mansion or or your yacht.


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> Don't you think it would be rather rude to tell someone "thank you but no; I find you unattractive" or "thank you but no; you didn't bother to write a profile" or "thank you but no; it doesn't seem like we have much in common?" How do you think you might feel if you received a message like that?
> 
> I don't date anymore but when I was doing OLD I would initially (very naively) respond to messages and that then puts you in the rather frightening postion of dealing with disgruntled dudes who retaliate by sending you insults, photos of their d(&( or threats. It's not worth compromising my safety to assuage someone I don't even know. So I stopped responding if I didn't see myself having coffee with them. It's a bit like job applications. No response means they aren't interested. And likewise, if I did "like" someone and didn't hear back from them I assumed they weren't interested. That's kind of part of dating, online or otherwise. It sucks but it is what it is.


I just unmatch if no longer interested.


----------



## Diana7

D0nnivain said:


> Have low expectations but a careful screening process. Recognize it's a numbers game. Be open to meeting many people for low commitment 1st meetings -- i.e. getting a cup of coffee --which are NOT dates. Do not spend weeks or worse, months talking to somebody you may never meet. Do not get invested until after you go on a few dates, certainly not before actually meeting.


Yes good point. We actually met 5 days after first contact because we were only a 40 min drive apart. We spoke on the phone 3 days after first contact. 
Obviously if you are much further away it's not so easy. 
The sooner the better though if you feel there is any connection.


----------



## heartsbeating

I know that I have no business being in this thread, yet the mention of photos of dudes holding up fish had me thinking how a photo of catch and release of a big spider would go down?


----------



## Deejo

heartsbeating said:


> I know that I have no business being in this thread, yet the mention of photos of dudes holding up fish had me thinking how a photo of catch and release of a big spider would go down?


That right there is a make or break photo for either sex.


----------



## Deejo

gold5932 said:


> Pool of dating candidates is small where I live and I live in a large coastal community. Over 60 is a tough bracket. I hate dating.


Very much the same where I am. I had to expand my 'search radius' to 30 miles before I landed a few dates. And I think it's absolutely OK to hate dating, as long as you are comfortable flying solo. If not, then dating is the price of admission. Meeting someone with whom you can connect is NOT an easy task for most of us.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> It very much is the case. POF, Facebook and Bumble women get swamped. I’ve been on all these apps multiple times for the last three years and it’s the same every time. Bumble is the app where men can’t contact the women but the men can put likes on womens profiles and the women can see all that. The number of likes is the same as the number of messages on the other apps. It’s impossible to keep up with.


I'm with @Diana7 on this one. 

It certainly hasn't been the case for me and I tried Bumble, Tinder, Match, e Harmony, and Hinge.


----------



## Lila

Deejo said:


> Don't want this opening post to be a novella. So ... work in progress and certainly would ask others to contribute as well. Have thought this would be a useful thread for anyone thinking about it jumping in, or improving their existing dating profile and well, dates.
> 
> Easy tenets for online dating apps:
> - You get what you pay for
> I do not recommend free dating apps. Seems a good place to 'get your feet wet'. It is not.
> 
> - Have something to say
> Don't leave your profile blank.
> Say something about yourself. Say something about what you are looking for in a partner.
> I don't recommend making your profile a screed about previous bad dating experiences, or what you DON'T want. Unless of course what you don't want is critically important, whether it is a political bent, vegan, childless, must love dogs ... whatever. At that point, you are doing the dating pool a favor by letting them disqualify themselves from wasting their time and yours.
> 
> -Photos
> Have to have them. Although, I can say anecdotally that women can create a profile and indicate their age, build, interests with no photos and they absolutely will still get some play. Certainly will not be quality interested parties, but will still get views and indicators of interest nonetheless.
> Men? Nope. Nada. Nothing. You must have photos. Recent photos. Clear photos. Good photos. Not taken by you ... in your bathroom mirror. Keep your shirt on. Don't be holding a fish. Don't ask me why, but almost universally in my dating experience women do not react well to the 'holding a fish' photos.
> Conversely, many female profiles WILL feature them holding a fish, which will likely resonate with the male fish holding crowd.
> 
> Photo Do's
> Have a full body shot. Regardless of your size or physical appearance descriptor.
> Smile.
> Try to have more than 3 photos. The reason for this, is that virtually ALL fraudulent or catfishing accounts on dating apps feature 3 or less photos, and no profile content.
> Make your primary profile picture the best closeup photo you have of your face.
> Look like you are having fun doing something, in a photo taken by someone else, rather than a bunch of selfies.
> Include both indoor and outdoor shots.
> Include photos of you doing something you are passionate about ... unless you are male and your passion is holding fish for photos after a catch. (See above)
> 
> Photo Don'ts
> Don't post photos that do not accurately reflect your current appearance.
> Don't post photos older than 2 years without indicating the date they were taken.
> Don't use photo filters that 'improve' your appearance.
> Don't be wearing sunglasses in your primary profile photo
> Don't feature your pet throughout your photos
> Don't include photos that are not of you, sunsets, landscapes, etc. they are of interest to no one but you. Anyone that tells you they found them interesting is doing so ONLY because they believe the photo is important to you.
> Don't include your children
> Don't include photos of friends, siblings, or children where it looks like a serial killer has scratched out all of their faces. If you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
> Don't put up photos where it is clear one of the non-faced people is your ex.
> 
> _Posting this as a start, but I will be editing further_


You forgot the most important rules of online dating.

1. Be attractive. 
2. Do not be unattractive. 

Online dating is a superficial dating tool. Physical attractiveness is the main, if not only quality people use to determine whether to "like" a profile. This is why there are so many filtered photos, dated photos, and people lying about age and height. 

People would be less excited about online dating if everyone presented themselves 100% honestly on their profiles. We'd learn real quick that the vast majority of people are average looking, at best, and living unremarkable lives.


----------



## Enigma32

Lila said:


> I'm with @Diana7 on this one.
> 
> It certainly hasn't been the case for me and I tried Bumble, Tinder, Match, e Harmony, and Hinge.


Swamped is probably a relative term in comparison to the amount of interest your average or so guy gets on OLD. While a lady getting 10 new matches a week doesn't think she is being swamped, compared to a guy who might get 10 new matches a year....she's swamped. This takes into account that the modus operandi for many men on sites like Tinder is to swipe right on every single female.


----------



## Deejo

Oh, I know I've referred to this numerous times in the past, and rereading a post above just made me think of it.

Be a good 'ender'.
All this comes down to is being honest. When you know it's time to break it off, don't wait. Don't poison the well by modifying your behavior to push the other person away. Just let whomever your dating know that it isn't working out for you. Wish them well, and be done with it. 

I don't recommend ghosting ... but ... if you are dealing with someone who 

That said, when you are on the receiving end of being dumped, never, ever, ask "Why?" For reasons incomprehensible to me based on the shift I made a number of years ago, people want a reason. Was it me? Was it something I said or did? I don't understand? The default assumption is for the dumped to presume the fault is theirs or that they possess some undesirable trait, or lack a trait that is desirable to the other.

It is an exercise that has no value to the person being dumped. It truly doesn't. If someone has mustered up the fortitude to tell you that you are no longer their cup of tea, respect that they have likely thought about, regardless of how rational their reason is. And they are giving you the courtesy of no longer wasting your time, with someone who is just luke-warm or confused about how they feel about you. Thank for their honesty, and wish them the best.


----------



## Deejo

Lila said:


> You forgot the most important rules of online dating.
> 
> 1. Be attractive.
> 2. Do not be unattractive.
> 
> Online dating is a superficial dating tool. Physical attractiveness is the main, if not only quality people use to determine whether to "like" a profile. This is why there are so many filtered photos, dated photos, and people lying about age and height.
> 
> People would be less excited about online dating if everyone presented themselves 100% honestly on their profiles. We'd learn real quick that the vast majority of people are average looking, at best, and living unremarkable lives.


You ain't wrong ...
Physical attractiveness is, has been, and will always be the gold standard. I don't believe that will ever change. So despite the fact it seems to make sense to try and manipulate ones appearance, Again, that all goes out the window once you meet IRL. And no, most of us are definitely not 'beautiful people', living exciting Instagram lifestyles. Thank God ...
I'd argue, all dating is superficial. The entire point of dating is to peel back the layers of the onion to determine if you want to stake an emotional investment in someone. You can't know that until you actually meet them. And even then, everyone is presenting their best selves. All the trappings of online dating are just more layers of the onion. And they do make your eyes water at times.


----------



## Corgi Mum

Deejo said:


> You ain't wrong ...
> Physical attractiveness is, has been, and will always be the gold standard. I don't believe that will ever change. So despite the fact it seems to make sense to try and manipulate ones appearance, Again, that all goes out the window once you meet IRL. And no, most of us are definitely not 'beautiful people', living exciting Instagram lifestyles. Thank God ...
> I'd argue, all dating is superficial. The entire point of dating is to peel back the layers of the onion to determine if you want to stake an emotional investment in someone. You can't know that until you actually meet them. And even then, everyone is presenting their best selves. All the trappings of online dating are just more layers of the onion. And they do make your eyes water at times.


At least when meeting IRL the physical attractiveness threshold has been met and the onion-peeling can commence from there.

With online dating, people seem to be boosting their attractiveness with doctored or outdated photos and trying to establish enough of a "connection" pre-meeting via exchange of messages in the hope that a few layers of onion plus their slightly less attractive real self will still pass the threshold. Maybe?. 

I dunno. I'm an old fogey and I wouldn't fare so well at OLD since I photograph horribly. What about those of us that the camera hates?


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> I'm with @Diana7 on this one.
> 
> It certainly hasn't been the case for me and I tried Bumble, Tinder, Match, e Harmony, and Hinge.


Hi Lila.

I don't know where you live? I'm just outside of Chicago so lots and lots of people in my "area" for dating. If I had to guess I was getting anywhere from 5 to 8 messages a day for the first month after creating an account. So I'm thinking the geographical area may have a lot to do with it.


----------



## RandomDude

Enigma32 said:


> Swamped is probably a relative term in comparison to the amount of interest your average or so guy gets on OLD. While a lady getting 10 new matches a week doesn't think she is being swamped, compared to a guy who might get 10 new matches a year....she's swamped. *This takes into account that the modus operandi for many men on sites like Tinder is to swipe right on every single female.*


Found that in real life too.

Strategy for most men when hitting on females:









I prefer this approach  :









OLD sucks though, on Tinder I swiped left so fast I swiped left on so many hotties like oops
Hinge/CMB so much better because I can set preferences like 170cm tall at least / not churchie / etc etc


----------



## RandomDude

Deejo said:


> You ain't wrong ...
> Physical attractiveness is, has been, and will always be the gold standard. I don't believe that will ever change. So despite the fact it seems to make sense to try and manipulate ones appearance, Again, that all goes out the window once you meet IRL. And no, most of us are definitely not 'beautiful people', living exciting Instagram lifestyles. Thank God ...
> I'd argue, all dating is superficial. The entire point of dating is to peel back the layers of the onion to determine if you want to stake an emotional investment in someone. You can't know that until you actually meet them. And even then, everyone is presenting their best selves. All the trappings of online dating are just more layers of the onion. And they do make your eyes water at times.


Well yeah, as it should be, it starts with the sexual attraction after all.

And I find plenty of beautiful people on OLD, it's in the eye of the beholder after all. One doesn't need to be universally attractive to be beautiful either.



Lila said:


> We'd learn real quick that the vast majority of people are average looking, at best, and living unremarkable lives.


'Average' to some can be beautiful to me 
We all have our types no?


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> Hi Lila.
> 
> I don't know where you live? I'm just outside of Chicago so lots and lots of people in my "area" for dating. If I had to guess I was getting anywhere from 5 to 8 messages a day for the first month after creating an account. So I'm thinking the geographical area may have a lot to do with it.


I live in a metro area with roughly two-thirds the population of metro Chicago. I think geographical area affects matches as well but for different reasons. Demographics.

For example, they say metro New York City is one of the worst for single women but has a population over 18 million (2x Chicago). There are way more single women than men.


----------



## Lila

Deejo said:


> The entire point of dating is to peel back the layers of the onion to determine if you want to stake an emotional investment in someone. You can't know that until you actually meet them.


Do you think online dating is counter-productive to peeling back the onion? Seems to me that online dating encourages people to peel back the layers from the exceptionally attractive while ignoring the "average" man and woman (whose onions may be way more interesting to peel back).


----------



## Enigma32

Lila said:


> Do you think online dating is counter-productive to peeling back the onion? Seems to me that online dating encourages people to peel back the layers from the exceptionally attractive while ignoring the "average" man and woman (whose onions may be way more interesting to peel back).


Pretty much my take on it as well. I mean, it makes sense too. If you have many options online to pick from, how else would you go about choosing? A lot of those profiles start to look alike.


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> Swamped is probably a relative term in comparison to the amount of interest your average or so guy gets on OLD. While a lady getting 10 new matches a week doesn't think she is being swamped, compared to a guy who might get 10 new matches a year....she's swamped. This takes into account that the modus operandi for many men on sites like Tinder is to swipe right on every single female.


Each sex claims they get the raw deal in OLD. I suspect that the issues are very much similar for both sexes.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> Do you think online dating is counter-productive to peeling back the onion? Seems to me that online dating encourages people to peel back the layers from the exceptionally attractive while ignoring the "average" man and woman (whose onions may be way more interesting to peel back).


I say anyone swiping right to someone they aren't attracted to that is doing both that person and themselves a disservice.

Also I really don't like the term "average", there is only attractive or universally attractive. Not everyone is the latter but that doesn't mean they aren't the former.



Enigma32 said:


> Pretty much my take on it as well. I mean, it makes sense too. If you have many options online to pick from, how else would you go about choosing? A lot of those profiles start to look alike.


Shortlist and then narrow down the remaining options.


----------



## RandomDude

Diana7 said:


> Each sex claims they get the raw deal in OLD. I suspect that the issues are very much similar for both sexes.


I think it depends, location is a big factor, age is another, like I think I'm at the prime age for dating as a 30ish yr old, because I have options between 20-30s and women in 30s are apparently complaining men in their 30s are going for women in their 20s... Not that I've ever been guilty of that * whistles *


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> Lol actually I call it 'vintage' because it's old not actually because its vintage hahahaha
> It's better than calling it a sh--box!
> 
> Just thought I looked sexy in that pic behind the wheel so I used it lol


I love cars but it's going to depend on the context of the photo. Someone who is obviously trying to impress and show that they are rich by standing in front of a Ferrari would be a turn off for me. Someone who has a genuine love and passion for cars would be appealing to me. I want them to love cars not status.


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> I love cars but it's going to depend on the context of the photo. Someone who is obviously trying to impress and show that they are rich by standing in front of a Ferrari would be a turn off for me. Someone who has a genuine love and passion for cars would be appealing to me. I want them to love cars not status.


Like this?


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Haha. Uh, no.


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> Haha. Uh, no.


You just said genuine love and passion for cars! We men can never win


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> You just said genuine love and passion for cars! We men can never win


He looks like he's stabbing the car. He's a car murderer.


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> He looks like he's stabbing the car. He's a car murderer.


 Ahahahahah... fine...










Better?


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> Ahahahahah... fine...
> 
> View attachment 86231
> 
> 
> Better?


Yes!


----------



## ConanHub

RandomDude said:


> Ahahahahah... fine...
> 
> View attachment 86231
> 
> 
> Better?


Much better!


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes!





ConanHub said:


> Much better!



So picky tsk tsk!


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> You just said genuine love and passion for cars! We men can never win







__





Google Image Result for https://media.istockphoto.com/id/1195262756/photo/male-tries-to-teach-dog-how-to-play-the-guitar.jpg?s=612x612&w=0&k=20&c=ut2P9n5IHIH_vN10bo9PyPWek2dDXGRJHnPBdpNbV0U=






images.app.goo.gl


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> __
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Google Image Result for https://media.istockphoto.com/id/1195262756/photo/male-tries-to-teach-dog-how-to-play-the-guitar.jpg?s=612x612&w=0&k=20&c=ut2P9n5IHIH_vN10bo9PyPWek2dDXGRJHnPBdpNbV0U=
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> images.app.goo.gl


So that's your type - SUV + Guitar + Dog


----------



## Deejo

Lila said:


> Do you think online dating is counter-productive to peeling back the onion? Seems to me that online dating encourages people to peel back the layers from the exceptionally attractive while ignoring the "average" man and woman (whose onions may be way more interesting to peel back).


Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it ...
People dig my onion.

I'm pretty strategic about my online dating activity. I do not 'spray and pray' like @RandomDude 's Rambo graphic. Which I laughed out loud at by the way. I liked the analogy.
I actually have my profile set to 'private', meaning nobody sees me, unless or until I reach out to them. I don't come up as anyone's 'match', based on my settings.

I don't think online dating itself is counterproductive. Because I'm still focused on getting the date. I certainly think that the OLD ecosystem is set up for people to despise it, even if they are participating in it. Frankly, I don't make a habit of reaching out to 'glamorous' profiles at all. Particularly if it is someone that clearly believes they need to do nothing other than post a bunch of photos and wait. 

I certainly focus on what is attractive to me. And as I've said in other posts in the past. MOST of my dates have been one and done's. And the being done probably skews 60% my way, and 40% from the women. 

I know many, many, people want to try and establish rapport prior to meeting up. This is understandable, particularly on the part of women new to dating, or concerned about safety. But ... I discourage that. To me it's simply not truly productive until you're face to face. All of the crap prior to that is just prep.

Do you see it differently?


----------



## Deejo

RandomDude said:


> Like this?
> 
> View attachment 86230


Bet that's the first time that dude has been under the hood of anything.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> So that's your type - SUV + Guitar + Dog


Doesn't have to be an SUV. Do you want to make much difference oh I know it pretty much does because my knees are shot.


----------



## Lila

RandomDude said:


> I say anyone swiping right to someone they aren't attracted to that is doing both that person and themselves a disservice.
> 
> Also I really don't like the term "average", there is only attractive or universally attractive. Not everyone is the latter but that doesn't mean they aren't the former.


What you describe in your first paragraph is exactly my point. 

So many more attributes go into establishing attraction than just the physical. Online dating removes everything except how one looks in photographs. 

Most of the people I know who met the old fashioned way say that even though they find their partner attractive, they would have never selected them had they run across their profile online. 

I would say that you're unique in the way you see people (attractive vs universally unattractive).


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> What you describe in your first paragraph is exactly my point.
> 
> So many more attributes go into establishing attraction than just the physical. Online dating removes everything except how one looks in photographs.
> 
> Most of the people I know who met the old fashioned way say that even though they find their partner attractive, they would have never selected them had they run across their profile online.
> 
> I would say that you're unique in the way you see people (attractive vs universally unattractive).


Hahaha true, my ex was universally attractive yet on photos for some strange reason at times it was like WTF lol, in fact I used to tease her about those bad photos, zoomed in to her face lol and spam her messenger with it... then she does it back to me 😑

I ain't photogenic either really, but I'd expect they at least put their better photos forward 😅

Ah hell now that I think about it what have I done 🤣 I probably missed out on a few during my recent OLD run! Oh well going under after this batch of dates anyway.

I also wouldn't say I'm unique at all with my attractive/universally attractive thing, as it's been said "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" since how long?


----------



## Lila

Deejo said:


> Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it ...
> People dig my onion.
> 
> I'm pretty strategic about my online dating activity. I do not 'spray and pray' like @RandomDude 's Rambo graphic. Which I laughed out loud at by the way. I liked the analogy.
> I actually have my profile set to 'private', meaning nobody sees me, unless or until I reach out to them. I don't come up as anyone's 'match', based on my settings.
> 
> I don't think online dating itself is counterproductive. Because I'm still focused on getting the date. I certainly think that the OLD ecosystem is set up for people to despise it, even if they are participating in it. Frankly, I don't make a habit of reaching out to 'glamorous' profiles at all. Particularly if it is someone that clearly believes they need to do nothing other than post a bunch of photos and wait.
> 
> I certainly focus on what is attractive to me. And as I've said in other posts in the past. MOST of my dates have been one and done's. And the being done probably skews 60% my way, and 40% from the women.
> 
> I know many, many, people want to try and establish rapport prior to meeting up. This is understandable, particularly on the part of women new to dating, or concerned about safety. But ... I discourage that. To me it's simply not truly productive until you're face to face. All of the crap prior to that is just prep.
> 
> Do you see it differently?


I do see it differently. I think there is not one universal way to use the online dating tool. @RandomDude brought up the shot gun approach. You've brought up a couple more:
a) spaghetti on the wall, and
b) love is pseudo-blind. 

I am somewhere in the middle of spaghetti and love is pseudo-blind. 

This is not a negative judgement of your method but an explanation of my experiences. When I did online dating, I learned quickly that I was wasting time and effort getting dolled up for the men who wanted to meet without actually getting to know me prior to the date. My onion is super layered and sweet, but it takes a special person to look beyond the skin to get to the deliciousness. Those men were looking for something other than what I could provide (personality, emotional/mental/financial stability, and physical & sexual health). No harm, no foul. 

I am honestly surprised when people in long term relationships (>6 months) say they met using online dating. It often feels like the blind leading the blind.


----------



## gold5932

Deejo said:


> Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it ...
> People dig my onion.
> 
> I'm pretty strategic about my online dating activity. I do not 'spray and pray' like @RandomDude 's Rambo graphic. Which I laughed out loud at by the way. I liked the analogy.
> I actually have my profile set to 'private', meaning nobody sees me, unless or until I reach out to them. I don't come up as anyone's 'match', based on my settings.
> 
> I don't think online dating itself is counterproductive. Because I'm still focused on getting the date. I certainly think that the OLD ecosystem is set up for people to despise it, even if they are participating in it. Frankly, I don't make a habit of reaching out to 'glamorous' profiles at all. Particularly if it is someone that clearly believes they need to do nothing other than post a bunch of photos and wait.
> 
> I certainly focus on what is attractive to me. And as I've said in other posts in the past. MOST of my dates have been one and done's. And the being done probably skews 60% my way, and 40% from the women.
> 
> I know many, many, people want to try and establish rapport prior to meeting up. This is understandable, particularly on the part of women new to dating, or concerned about safety. But ... I discourage that. To me it's simply not truly productive until you're face to face. All of the crap prior to that is just prep.
> 
> Do you see it differently?


Your approach is what I currently have switched to. I don't even use my real name.


----------



## Diana7

RandomDude said:


> I think it depends, location is a big factor, age is another, like I think I'm at the prime age for dating as a 30ish yr old, because I have options between 20-30s and women in 30s are apparently complaining men in their 30s are going for women in their 20s... Not that I've ever been guilty of that * whistles *


That is true. On Christian sites it's even worse because there are about 3 women to each man and a lot of the men want younger women so for women there it takes a miracle to find a good guy of a similar age. In my case it was a miracle ☺


----------



## RandomDude

Deejo said:


> Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it ...
> People dig my onion.
> 
> I'm pretty strategic about my online dating activity. I do not 'spray and pray' like @RandomDude 's Rambo graphic. Which I laughed out loud at by the way. I liked the analogy.


On OLD I do play the numbers game though, despite swiping left to the majority of profiles, in RL when the opportunity strikes with the glint in their eye, that's when I make a move. I think I'm on the extreme end of the sniper approach - I don't even pull the trigger unless I know I have a clear shot.

That's why I can approach a beautiful woman randomly anywhere and get her number, that's my trick  - I already know she likes me.



Deejo said:


> Frankly, I don't make a habit of reaching out to 'glamorous' profiles at all. Particularly if it is someone that clearly believes they need to do nothing other than post a bunch of photos and wait.


Well, all I did last week was just that, and pretty much just throw up a bunch of photos + 1 meme, answered a few silly questions with jokes and one-liners. Then swiped away 10 likes per day on 2 apps with strict preferences with age/race/height/religion and results over a week on Hinge / CMB were:

* drum roll *

13 matches from CMB, 6 matches from Hinge, 16 'likes' from Hinge that I wasn't interested in. From that bunch of 19, 4 'real' and active connections, the rest I either changed my mind about messaging lol, or I message they don't reply, or we chat and can't find a connection, or one of us ghosts. I plan to see if I can date at least 1 or 2 of those 4 this weekend.

If all 4 busts then lol, but lets see the stats for a 36 yr old male in the big city... 13% match rate (19 matches vs 140 likes), 3% connection rate (4 matches vs 140 likes) so I mean, the numbers are quite depressing if I think about it  but hell in 1 week got 4 potential dates and it took like 5-10 minutes to swipe through per day going by mainly looks, I only quickly read through profiles, most are just like mine anyway.

So in the end - profit. I still hate it, rather wait for the next organic encounter in my life than to do this stuff even if it comes months at a time.

Edit: oh forgot CMB just gives 26 options per day and you either say yay or nay, it's hinge that gives 10 likes per day. So my percentages kinda half guesswork lol


----------



## LisaDiane

ConanHub said:


> Having no idea about OLD aside from YouTube and reading here, I'm enjoying the thread.
> 
> I'm tempted to do a spoof profile with me wearing a diaper and holding a unicorn 🦄 to see what responses I would get.🤣


And don't forget your helmet!!! Lol!!


----------



## ConanHub

LisaDiane said:


> And don't forget your helmet!!! Lol!!


That would be interesting too. Get a Conan helmet and sword and take a picture right after hitting the gym.😎


----------



## LisaDiane

Deejo said:


> Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it ...
> People dig my onion.
> 
> I'm pretty strategic about my online dating activity. I do not 'spray and pray' like @RandomDude 's Rambo graphic. Which I laughed out loud at by the way. I liked the analogy.
> I actually have my profile set to 'private', meaning nobody sees me, unless or until I reach out to them. I don't come up as anyone's 'match', based on my settings.
> 
> I don't think online dating itself is counterproductive. Because I'm still focused on getting the date. I certainly think that the OLD ecosystem is set up for people to despise it, even if they are participating in it. Frankly, I don't make a habit of reaching out to 'glamorous' profiles at all. Particularly if it is someone that clearly believes they need to do nothing other than post a bunch of photos and wait.
> 
> I certainly focus on what is attractive to me. And as I've said in other posts in the past. MOST of my dates have been one and done's. And the being done probably skews 60% my way, and 40% from the women.
> 
> I know many, many, people want to try and establish rapport prior to meeting up. This is understandable, particularly on the part of women new to dating, or concerned about safety. But ... I discourage that. To me it's simply not truly productive until you're face to face. All of the crap prior to that is just prep.
> 
> Do you see it differently?


But are people really digging your onion if you can't get them to want to peel past the first layer?

Or am I misunderstanding your analogy...?


----------



## Faithful Wife

Deejo said:


> I know many, many, people want to try and establish rapport prior to meeting up. This is understandable, particularly on the part of women new to dating, or concerned about safety. But ... I discourage that. To me it's simply not truly productive until you're face to face. All of the crap prior to that is just prep.
> 
> Do you see it differently?


You weren't asking me but thought I'd chime in.

I definitely want to text (on the app) for a few days before meeting someone in person. If I don't do that, then I only have a few pictures and a bio to go off of in order to decide if this person interests me or not. That is not enough. I also need to have a few exchanges with them at least. There is a lot I can determine from those texts. Sometimes, the bio is sparse and I need things clarified and texting is the way I go about that.

A few times, someone has asked me to speak on the phone before meeting. That wouldn't be my choice because I hate being on the phone, but I obliged because the other person felt hearing someone's voice and having a chat helped them know if they had interest or not.

In the past when I had agreed to meet up before texting for a few days, I have always regretted it, every single time.

Texting for a few days has stopped me from many bad dates, as I learned very quickly the person was not a good match for me based on things they say in texts.

All of the good dates I have had, there were a few days of texts leading up to it.


----------



## Diana7

Faithful Wife said:


> You weren't asking me but thought I'd chime in.
> 
> I definitely want to text (on the app) for a few days before meeting someone in person. If I don't do that, then I only have a few pictures and a bio to go off of in order to decide if this person interests me or not. That is not enough. I also need to have a few exchanges with them at least. There is a lot I can determine from those texts. Sometimes, the bio is sparse and I need things clarified and texting is the way I go about that.
> 
> A few times, someone has asked me to speak on the phone before meeting. That wouldn't be my choice because I hate being on the phone, but I obliged because the other person felt hearing someone's voice and having a chat helped them know if they had interest or not.
> 
> In the past when I had agreed to meet up before texting for a few days, I have always regretted it, every single time.
> 
> Texting for a few days has stopped me from many bad dates, as I learned very quickly the person was not a good match for me based on things they say in texts.
> 
> All of the good dates I have had, there were a few days of texts leading up to it.


I agree. Although we met after just 5 days we had exchanged loads of emails and had talked on the phone by then.


----------



## RandomDude

_&@#&^[email protected]_&$!!!!

The hottest (and even the smartest/most creative) of the four just asked what I'm doing this weekend and I just had to wake up limping. My mate reckons it's gout but I googled it and F no! I'm too young to have gout! No swollen anything ack no way! Just a sore foot. Made up some other excuse 😑

Dont want to come across as a sickly old man - even though she's older than me by 1 yr lol

Is there a time limit women usually wait before moving on - for first date in OLD that is? For me I don't mind waiting as long as the texting is regular.


----------



## Personal

RandomDude said:


> I'm too young to have gout!


I was 35.


----------



## RandomDude

Personal said:


> I was 35.


Yeah well, can't be bothered seeing a doctor but all symptoms points towards plantar fasciitis yet its not at the heel just at the arch of the foot and its already better, it's not that painful just a pain to walking around too much today. Mates always scaring me 😑

Speaking of date timing though weekday coffees and dinners or wait till the next weekend?


----------



## Lila

gold5932 said:


> Your approach is what I currently have switched to. I don't even use my real name.


I never used my real name either. I used a nickname (everyone knows me by). Safety from the crazy is a serious concern.


----------



## Lila

Deejo said:


> Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it ...
> People dig my onion.
> 
> I'm pretty strategic about my online dating activity. I do not 'spray and pray' like @RandomDude 's Rambo graphic. Which I laughed out loud at by the way. I liked the analogy.
> I actually have my profile set to 'private', meaning nobody sees me, unless or until I reach out to them. I don't come up as anyone's 'match', based on my settings.
> 
> I don't think online dating itself is counterproductive. Because I'm still focused on getting the date. I certainly think that the OLD ecosystem is set up for people to despise it, even if they are participating in it. Frankly, I don't make a habit of reaching out to 'glamorous' profiles at all. Particularly if it is someone that clearly believes they need to do nothing other than post a bunch of photos and wait.
> 
> I certainly focus on what is attractive to me. And as I've said in other posts in the past. MOST of my dates have been one and done's. And the being done probably skews 60% my way, and 40% from the women.
> 
> I know many, many, people want to try and establish rapport prior to meeting up. This is understandable, particularly on the part of women new to dating, or concerned about safety. But ... I discourage that. To me it's simply not truly productive until you're face to face. All of the crap prior to that is just prep.
> 
> Do you see it differently?


I had dinner with a girlfriend last night and we discussed this post. She is a beautiful woman with a wonderful profile (lots of fun) that gets lots of attention. She uses online dating the way you do, but goes even further. She doesn't remember anyone's name until after the first meet (typically 15-30 min), mutual interest is established, and the first "real" date is on the calendar. 

Her biggest issue now is that she keeps matching with people's she's met before but can't remember. Awkward. 

Talking to her reinforces everything I hate about online dating. It's one of those things that I feel society is better off without.


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> I never used my real name either. I used a nickname (everyone knows me by). Safety from the crazy is a serious concern.


Because of my issues with my family, this is where I am now with social media. I shut down my original accounts and created new ones under a pseudonym.



Lila said:


> It's one of those things that I feel society is better off without.


I completely agree.

To me, online platforms have created an illusion of intimacy where there is none.

I had a guy who started one of my travel groups on facebook 'friend' me a couple of days ago, so I wrote to him and said, 'Since you've added me, I just wanted to introduce myself properly', (and offer my real name). And he was polite, but he doesn't care who I am. I'm just another anonymous person to add to his social harem.


----------



## Lila

minimalME said:


> I had a guy who started one of my travel groups on facebook 'friend' me a couple of days ago, so I wrote to him and said, 'Since you've added me, I just wanted to introduce myself properly', (and offer my real name). And he was polite, but he doesn't care who I am. I'm just another anonymous person to add to his social harem.


This here is where we're at. He's probably shooting for "influencer" status where having "friends" translates to money. Any time I accept friend requests from people like that, I get bombarded with ads to purchase stuff that I don't need.


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> This here is where we're at. He's probably shooting for "influencer" status where having "friends" translates to money. Any time I accept friend requests from people like that, I get bombarded with ads to purchase stuff that I don't need.


You're probably right. He has a blog, and he's a travel writer. 😬


----------



## Enigma32

Lila said:


> This here is where we're at. He's probably shooting for "influencer" status where having "friends" translates to money. Any time I accept friend requests from people like that, I get bombarded with ads to purchase stuff that I don't need.


Sometimes with social media it just gives you a means to "add" people to your life that you find interesting or something. Back in the day, if you ran into someone you found ingeresting, if you didn't get their number or something, you might never see them again. That has happened to us all, I think. Now you can just send a random FB friend request and call it a day. It's not a real friendship but it might be an icebreaker into a real friendship down the road. I've done the same thing, back when I was a single guy.


----------



## Deejo

LisaDiane said:


> But are people really digging your onion if you can't get them to want to peel past the first layer?
> 
> Or am I misunderstanding your analogy...?


Let's both agree that it's a crappy analogy in the first place.

If I truly want to meet someone, I am going to acknowledge whatever their threshold for comfort is.
I completely understand that will involve communication. However, I do not wait for an 'all clear' cue before asking for the date.

Based on my initial OLD experience, and talking with other men and women, one of the things that stood out was there was an odd gray space around actually getting to the 'asking out' part.

Am I misreading you? Are you referring to only being invested in looks? Is that the first layer?
As a dude, I'm not ever going to hold it against a woman or consider it shallow that her primary driver for wanting to meet me is because she thinks I'm hot.

It's what happens after you meet and start interacting that usually determines if you want to invest the effort in peeling back those layers.

At least that has been my experience.


----------



## LisaDiane

Deejo said:


> Let's both agree that it's a crappy analogy in the first place.
> 
> If I truly want to meet someone, I am going to acknowledge whatever their threshold for comfort is.
> I completely understand that will involve communication. However, I do not wait for an 'all clear' cue before asking for the date.
> 
> Based on my initial OLD experience, and talking with other men and women, one of the things that stood out was there was an odd gray space around actually getting to the 'asking out' part.
> 
> Am I misreading you? Are you referring to only being invested in looks? Is that the first layer?
> As a dude, I'm not ever going to hold it against a woman or consider it shallow that her primary driver for wanting to meet me is because she thinks I'm hot.
> 
> It's what happens after you meet and start interacting that usually determines if you want to invest the effort in peeling back those layers.
> 
> At least that has been my experience.


Well, I thought "looks" is what YOU were symbolizing with the onion...or initial chemistry at least (whether from looks or attitude). I took it to mean that you get alot of initial interest while dating. However I am not sure how to qualify that, because you are still single (I think).

What did you mean that people "dig" about you on OLD, was it your looks? What is your standard for success with OLD...? Is it initial interest from many...or sustained interest from a few...? Did you mean you can get through that "gray space" more easily than others to having actual dates?

When I responded to what you were saying, what I was thinking of was that I want someone who wants the WHOLE onion that I am, not just the outer layer. I'm not interested in men who are too shallow to want to find out who I am and if I offer them anything beyond just my looks...although I don't judge anyone for going on physical attraction first. I believe that's human nature and very important. However I would never feel secure with a guy who only thought I was "hot"...that never lasts if there isn't something deeper that attracts him!!! A woman (or man) can be super-gorgous, but if there isn't anything deeper that is beautiful about them to others, they won't have lasting, happy relationships either!

Of course, that's just what works FOR ME...other people will have their own standards and criteria, which is good and what makes all of the other points of view so interesting to me.

So I am NOT criticizing what you've said, what you believe, or what you want by asking you all this....I am only responding because it's all very interesting and sparkling my mind, and I'm curious about what you meant!


----------



## Deejo

RandomDude said:


> I just unmatch if no longer interested.


This gif made me laugh out loud.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> Talking to her reinforces everything I hate about online dating. It's one of those things that I feel society is better off without.


But but... if it wasn't for OLD making it so accessible for me to check out other options on the market without doing much, I may have sank my boat on an iceberg by getting involved with the lady at work 😣


----------



## Diana7

RandomDude said:


> _&@#&^[email protected]_&$!!!!
> 
> The hottest (and even the smartest/most creative) of the four just asked what I'm doing this weekend and I just had to wake up limping. My mate reckons it's gout but I googled it and F no! I'm too young to have gout! No swollen anything ack no way! Just a sore foot. Made up some other excuse 😑
> 
> Dont want to come across as a sickly old man - even though she's older than me by 1 yr lol
> 
> Is there a time limit women usually wait before moving on - for first date in OLD that is? For me I don't mind waiting as long as the texting is regular.


Young people can have gout!


----------



## Diana7

Lila said:


> I had dinner with a girlfriend last night and we discussed this post. She is a beautiful woman with a wonderful profile (lots of fun) that gets lots of attention. She uses online dating the way you do, but goes even further. She doesn't remember anyone's name until after the first meet (typically 15-30 min), mutual interest is established, and the first "real" date is on the calendar.
> 
> Her biggest issue now is that she keeps matching with people's she's met before but can't remember. Awkward.
> 
> Talking to her reinforces everything I hate about online dating. It's one of those things that I feel society is better off without.


I know loads of people who would disagree with you, including myself.


----------



## RandomDude

Diana7 said:


> Young people can have gout!


If my foot starts swelling up balls of bleh I'm going to be tempted to head into Ukraine seeking a good death  
So no! I refuse lol

Anyway no one is answering my time limit - first date question 😑


----------



## Deejo

So ... I will first; take responsibility for the fact that I generally find myself to be more clever and humorous, likely than those around me. 

When I declared, "I gotta be honest, people dig my onion." It's because I laughed for about 3 minutes after typing it and rereading it. Laughed even harder when I imagined it in a Ron Burgundy voice. 

I recognize that humor and sarcasm seldom come across well online. Yet, ive never let it deter me.

To clarify ... honestly, to me the onion represents the depth of, and investment in the connection.
Not all dating relationships are remotely equal. I am perfectly comfortable letting a dating relationship be, whatever it is going to be. 

I'm an extraordinarily average looking guy. Seriously, often upon meeting someone they either believe they have met me before, or I remind them of someone.

I am a hunter, not a gatherer. Women don't come to me, nor can they find me in searches because I have set my profile to 'hidden'. The only way a woman can see me, is if I contact her.
As for the gray space, it is a behavioral component I recognized. Flatly read a number of women's profiles where they declared they weren't interested in pen pals. My observable and anecdotal data was that most guys coming out of failed marriages in their 40's suck at dating. The logistics and requirements for dating aren't overly complex, whether IRL or in OLD. Meet someone you are interested in and want to learn more about, and ask them out. It's not hard. Not once you abandon the fear of rejection. But ... that fear is what prevents MOST men from being successful with dating relationships.

When my profile was public and I was receiving likes or hellos from women, my rejection rate for those indicating interest in me, was 100%. I take no pleasure in telling a woman I'm not interested in her. I think it's a reasonable argument that men have more experience with rejection than women, and nobody enjoys it. So I just took that out of the equation.

I also can and do acknowledge that beauty is not the end all, be all. Beauty has absolutely zero to do with the long term success or demise of a relationship. I've punched above my weight in the looks department a number of times. But all of those relationships had a lifespan.

Again, I'm being honest here, no jokes, no sarcasm. I think the biggest thing accounting for my satisfaction with, and success in OLD, is my conduct.
I'm confident, easy-going, almost always make my dates laugh (whether authentic or not). I adhere to my very simple dating code of; be interesting, be fun, be bold, do no harm, know when it's time to move on. Don't take it personally when that happens.

I enjoy dating. It's where I plan on remaining entrenched.

I am currently seeing someone. I do not multi-date once intimacy is in the equation.

Again in terms of providing accurate disclosure, since I started OLD back up a number of months ago, I probably reached out to about 90 women. That resulted in 8 dates. 6 of those were one and done. One ran its course over 3 months, and the woman I'm seeing now since late January.

Them's the facts. Some may look at those stats and say 'why bother?'. I'm comfortable with them at this point in my life and see them as a success.



LisaDiane said:


> Well, I thought "looks" is what YOU were symbolizing with the onion...or initial chemistry at least (whether from looks or attitude). I took it to mean that you get alot of initial interest while dating. However I am not sure how to qualify that, because you are still single (I think).
> 
> What did you mean that people "dig" about you on OLD, was it your looks? What is your standard for success with OLD...? Is it initial interest from many...or sustained interest from a few...? Did you mean you can get through that "gray space" more easily than others ...
> 
> So I am NOT criticizing what you've said, what you believe, or what you want by asking you all this....I am only responding because it's all very interesting and sparkling my mind, and I'm curious about what you meant!


----------



## RandomDude

Deejo said:


> Again in terms of providing accurate disclosure, since I started OLD back up a number of months ago, I probably reached out to about 90 women. That resulted in 8 dates. 6 of those were one and done. One ran its course over 3 months, and the woman I'm seeing now since late January.
> 
> Them's the facts. Some may look at those stats and say 'why bother?'. I'm comfortable with them at this point in my life and see them as a success.


Aye, screw the numbers and focus on the results I'd say.

Reminds me when I was younger doing sales, there was this hell of a gun who decided one day he was going to sell the $10K sports package to a random person during the games at a stadium. Everyone else was selling $5 here, $10 here, $100 there from time to time. They got rejected less. But that gun was determined, he got rejected - obviously - every single time, people told him to F off, abused him, heck he didn't even want to sell the smaller packages. All he got was negativity but he didn't let up, just never bothered him, and guess what, he made the one sale, and blew everyone's record for the day and took home a nice big fat commission making more than the entire team combined


----------



## Lila

RandomDude said:


> But but... if it wasn't for OLD making it so accessible for me to check out other options on the market without doing much, I may have sank my boat on an iceberg by getting involved with the lady at work 😣


You do you @RandomDude . If it's working for you, who am I to tell you it's not worth it?


----------



## Lila

Diana7 said:


> I know loads of people who would disagree with you, including myself.


I'm sure you do @Diana7. I am truly glad you and your friends found success using online dating.

I think there will always be a great divide amongst online dating app users. Those that found what they were looking for will swear up and down that it's the best thing since sliced bread. Those of us that failed will wish it to hell.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> You do you @RandomDude . If it's working for you, who am I to tell you it's not worth it?





Lila said:


> I'm sure you do @Diana7. I am truly glad you and your friends found success using online dating.
> 
> I think there will always be a great divide amongst online dating app users. Those that found what they were looking for will swear up and down that it's the best thing since sliced bread. Those of us that failed will wish it to hell.


I agree that it sucks and I also agree that it can work 

Managed to find someone worth making the acquaintance of within 1 week but maybe we can be just friends, since introvert/introvert is weird for me, like North and North magnets.









Organic encounters still rule hands down, cept they tend to be icebergs for me 😑


----------



## Deejo

Lila said:


> I had dinner with a girlfriend last night and we discussed this post. She is a beautiful woman with a wonderful profile (lots of fun) that gets lots of attention. She uses online dating the way you do, but goes even further. She doesn't remember anyone's name until after the first meet (typically 15-30 min), mutual interest is established, and the first "real" date is on the calendar.
> 
> Her biggest issue now is that she keeps matching with people's she's met before but can't remember. Awkward.
> 
> Talking to her reinforces everything I hate about online dating. It's one of those things that I feel society is better off without.


Hey @Lila, I meant to tag you in my response to @LisaDiane as well. I think it is very easy to understate, how much attention 'pretty people' do get via OLD. An easy topic of conversation on a first date is of course, dating, and online dating in particular. I remember a woman I was dating about a year before I met MR, (my now ex-wife). She was attractive. I asked her how many msg's she got a week. She acknowledged that she remembered getting over 90 ... in a day. Which again, skews the curve. There is no way someone is going to have the time to respond with a kind or gentle, 'thanks, but no thanks.' So ... she just wouldn't respond. Which of course would then prompt butt-hurt guys to follow up with how she thought she was better than them, and just another stuck up B!tch. 

Fully knowing that was generally the caliber of my competition, I was pretty confident. If a woman DID take the time to send a polite decline, I thanked her, and wished her well.

I often say to people, 'it isn't real, until it's real'. And I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but I think it definitely applies to OLD. Your photos matter. Do they matter in the scope of making a genuine connection? Absolutely not. But to get to that place where you can determine if you DO have a connection, they absolutely matter. It's like applying for a job, or to get into a school. There are hoops that need to be jumped through, despite how silly or unrealistic they may seem.

I'm curious, did you go through her profile? Did she have lots to say about herself and lots of photos? My other point of advocacy for people getting some success in OLD, is fortune favors the bold. Many people seem to either be unsure, skeptical, terrified, or even ashamed of acknowledging they are throwing their hat in the ring of online dating, and consequently they grotesquely undersell themselves. Couple of token pics, and simply check the boxes in terms of establishing a profile. At that point it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. They don't expect to get much out, so they don't put much in, and voila ... expectations met.

My sister has an interesting OLD experience. She did not sign up or create her profile. Her friends did. Her friends even vetted the guys. She went on a handful of dates with 3 men. She and one of them absolutely hit it off, and they have been together for over 3 years. I think she was active for about 6 weeks. I informed her that her experience is NOT most people's experience. But ... she absolutely fell into the category of not being happy at all, about meeting people online. She thought it felt desperate. I told her then apparently I am reveling in my desperation. There is simply no way I would have organically met ANY of the women I dated.


----------



## Deejo

As a side note for any woman participating in OLD, if you ever get some clown who decides to take out his frustration in your lack of interest, with insults, rudeness, or threats, report it. Always.


----------



## Lila

Deejo said:


> I often say to people, 'it isn't real, until it's real'. And I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but I think it definitely applies to OLD. Your photos matter.


Yes, photographs are the key with online dating. Swipe apps have taken over the online dating world. There is not much that can be said about oneself in 300-400 characters or less. In fact, so much is put on photos that it is suggested to hire a professional photographer to take profile photos. There are also freelance writers who will write a witty profile. 

I know people say to use a non swipe app but those are dead where I live. The primary dating apps here are Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and (drumroll) Seeking Arrangements. I live in the sugaring capital of the US. 😳 



Deejo said:


> I'm curious, did you go through her profile? Did she have lots to say about herself and lots of photos?


She was using Bumble where only 6 pics are allowed. There's an "about me" section limited to 300 characters, and up to 3 prompt questions (200-300 characters). 

Her profile photographs are candid pictures taken by others. I think her first photo is a professional head shot. 

The rest of the profile was relatively bare. She didn't say much about herself but she did use the "you" voice, e.g. Will you join me in an adventure? or some such. 

Her membership is free so can't see who likes her profile but she matches with almost everyone she right swipes on. This was not my experience with Bumble at all. I had to work for my matches. 

And if you're wondering why she's still single. 
She ranks very high on the beautiful axis but also pings out the crazy axis. It's not that the men she dates won't put up with her level of crazy but she doesn't want to put up with them.


----------



## Deejo

Lila said:


> Yes, photographs are the key with online dating. Swipe apps have taken over the online dating world. There is not much that can be said about oneself in 300-400 characters or less. In fact, so much is put on photos that it is suggested to hire a professional photographer to take profile photos. There are also freelance writers who will write a witty profile.
> 
> I know people say to use a non swipe app but those are dead where I live. The primary dating apps here are Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and (drumroll) Seeking Arrangements. I live in the sugaring capital of the US. 😳
> 
> 
> 
> She was using Bumble where only 6 pics are allowed. There's an "about me" section limited to 300 characters, and up to 3 prompt questions (200-300 characters).
> 
> Her profile photographs are candid pictures taken by others. I think her first photo is a professional head shot.
> 
> The rest of the profile was relatively bare. She didn't say much about herself but she did use the "you" voice, e.g. Will you join me in an adventure? or some such.
> 
> Her membership is free so can't see who likes her profile but she matches with almost everyone she right swipes on. This was not my experience with Bumble at all. I had to work for my matches.
> 
> And if you're wondering why she's still single.
> She ranks very high on the beautiful axis but also pings out the crazy axis. It's not that the men she dates won't put up with her level of crazy but she doesn't want to put up with them.


As someone that doesn't photograph well, you won't get any arguments from me lamenting the dependency upon pictures.

I haven't used a swipe app at all. I had a Tinder profile briefly back around 2013, after discussing the app with a young colleague, but I never dated via Tinder. It had a somewhat different reputation back then as well.

I laughed out loud at, 'she pings out on the crazy scale'. Because again, the hot/crazy scale is one of those things one does not bring up in polite conversation, yet we all know is real. I do make the distinction however between entitlement crazy, and coping with trauma. I dated a number of attractive women and married one, who were victims of the latter, which I found heartbreaking.


----------



## Lila

Deejo said:


> I laughed out loud at, 'she pings out on the crazy scale'. Because again, the hot/crazy scale is one of those things one does not bring up in polite conversation, yet we all know is real. I do make the distinction however between entitlement crazy, and coping with trauma. I dated a number of attractive women and married one, who were victims of the latter, which I found heartbreaking.


I get that. I believe her crazy may be brain chemistry. She's very successful but incredibly impulsive. Lots of fun.....until she's not.


----------

