# Resolved



## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

Resolved. Thanks everyone for your input. I appreciate it.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

Rejection is always tough. 

But in reality, no one is entitled to be in a wedding party, right? 

If you can reframe your mindset to reject feelings of entitlement, and embrace gratitude, your hurt may lessen. But that is indeed challenging to do.

And you might want to rethink your investment in the relationship.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

I understand how you feel, something similar happened to me though not with a best friend. It was hurtful nonetheless. I think you should openly discuss this with her once she has had a little time for things to settle with married life. Her response will tell you the state of your friendship and you can proceed accordingly. If she blows you off forgive her and move on. You don't have to treat her unkindly but you don't have to make her s priority either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

Can you think of a reason she is treating you like a third wheel? If one of you moved away or there had been a period of non-contact it is somewhat understandable for her to prioritize people she is currently invested in.

On a side note, bridesmaid dresses are embarrassing clown suits that makes your ass look enormous. You didn't miss anything.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> *I got married 3 years before her and I guess I had less time for her,* she thus gravitated towards another friend at the same life stage as her. In saying that, we always were friends and kept in contact regularly and I also am an acquaintance to her other friend. I just didn't realise , how I was being 'replaced' by this other friend until the wedding. *Due to my perception that no matter what other things we do, in the end we will always have a strong bond. *It's hurtful to realise that Iam just a guest in her life as Iam just a guest in her wedding.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


She may have felt somewhat as you do now when you got married and spent less time with her, like you were moving on without her. Maybe she felt that bond had lessened over time. Maybe a lot of things.

Is it possible for you to give your friend of 27 years the benefit of the doubt, that she didn't have any bad intentions, and just chalk this up to her having a limited wedding party?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

Friendships change all the time and it sucks to realize that a once best friend is no longer mutual. What you are going through is not uncommon. As we grow and our lives change our sphere of friends evolve. You may not notice it much until a big event like this shows is that it's been reset by the growth of other friendships. 

A similar thing happened to me with my best man and a few years later I wasn't even invited to his wedding. It sucked but I realized that we had grown apart by not living close enough to nurture the friendship. We each had our separate lives and in his case what Norajane suggested was true, it was a super small wedding. What it did was encourage me to understand the dynamics of friendships and attempt to keep more connected with my friends I don't see very much. 

As the Verve says life is a bittersweet symphony...


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

She doesn't have the same feelings of friendship towards you. Let her go as a close friend. Your friendship has changed. Move on and don't waste your time, speaking to her about how she hurt you. Live your life and let go of friends who are no longer in your preferred list.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

I feel truly horrible for you! To recognize a friend to the point of having her in your wedding party and for her not to do the same for you is more than just disrespectful. I'm sure it will be hard for you to be a friend to her going forward. Concentrate on other friends that you value highly that wouldn't do this to you. If only she knew how she caused you to feel.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

Who you asked to be your bridesmaid three years ago was based on your friendship with her at that time. Her not asking you to be hers right now is based on your friendship as it exists presently. You stay in touch, but you are not as close as you once were. She is now closer to her other friend since they are both single and share more in common. Now that she is married, you might try to do more together and she may be drawn closer to you. But, she may not. We tend to change a lot as we mature. Friends I had in HS and college now sometimes seem foreign to me.

Talk to her about all of this and see how she feels. Don't be that person that can't let an old friendship run its course.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

Life constantly changes. IMO just move on like she has. Always watch actions words are meaningless.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> It's very hard to move on when you know someone practically your whole life, we were like 7 and inseparable for most of it. it's like cutting off a limb. I know she has moved on but I'm finding it really difficult to let go. What you say makes sense.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yes, change is always hard but a one sided friendship is meaningless. Perhaps in time you may reconnect but don't count on it. Go your own way. I've found that when one thing ends another always opens up.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

Please get over it. I have one group of family members who are constantly looking at small slights. Once they complained bitterly about the table at a shower and I tried to act as an intermediary and brought it up with the bride's family. What a nitwit I was. I upset them and our relationship was never the same. I apologized some years later. In contrast, I have another family member who is popular and successful and never lets small things like this bother him. He tends to be the life of the party, women love him, guys like him and its the way to be.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> We have spoken about it. When she initially told me, I was a candidate for being her bridesmaid, she originally would have liked to have 2 but there are all these other issues with her hubby to factor in which I won't get in to. So she had to choose between us 2. She made her choice because yes in that life stage she feels closer to her, it was a hard decision for her to make. It's not just not being in the party, she barely spoke to me through out since then, she couldn't find not one single thing to include me in it , not even a reading. She considers myself and this other friend as her top tier friends and keeps saying that she still cherishes our friendship etc but I don't see any actions to prove this and i don't feel like this supposed top tier friend. She thought that I'd be ok with being excluded out of everything and I wouldn't mind. It's hard to know what the right thing to do is. Should i just stop whinging to myself and get over this or do I have right to feel like this ?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You know, @no name, it's almost as if she was trying to punish you for something.

Any idea what it could be?


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> Getting married first and having less time.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Could be.

She sounds petty, like she never properly grew up.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



MattMatt said:


> Could be.
> 
> She sounds petty, like she never properly grew up.


The only person being petty is the OP.

Her friend had to choose between 2 people. She chose. And now the OP is acting as if she is walking the higher path by not saying anything.

There is no "higher path" to walk here, outside of learning to control your emotions, and learning when it is just to feel as though someone has wronged you. ProTip: this isn't a case where it is just.

Instead of taking the attitude of "my friend didn't give me a gift on her wedding day, so I'm going to hold a grudge against her!" I'd start with this position, OP:



> For a man cannot lose either the past or the future: for what a man has not, how can any one take this from him?


--_Meditations_, Marcus Aurelius.

It was never yours, so you have lost nothing.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



Kivlor said:


> The only person being petty is the OP.
> 
> Her friend had to choose between 2 people. She chose. And now the OP is acting as if she is walking the higher path by not saying anything.
> 
> ...


She gave her friend the honour of being her bridesmaid.

And in return her friend gave her the finger.

Yeah, that sounds like normal behaviour.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



MattMatt said:


> She gave her friend the honour of being her bridesmaid.
> 
> And in return her friend gave her the finger.
> 
> Yeah, that sounds like normal behaviour.


Okay, I'm going to break this down for everyone here:

She gave her friend a gift, by asking her to be a bridesmaid. Unless she qualified that upon giving it, and stated "I expect repayment at your wedding" then it was a gift. And she has no justification to feel upset.

And again, OP's friend had to choose only 1 person. And said she would have chose OP as #2 if she could have had 2.

I'm going to offer everyone here some food for thought:



> One man, when he has done a service to another, is ready to set it down to his account as a favour conferred. Another is not ready to do this, but still in his own mind he thinks of the man as his debtor, and he knows what he has done. A third in a manner does not even know what he has done, but he is like a vine which has produced grapes, and seeks for nothing more after it has once produced its proper fruit. As a horse when he has run, a dog when he has tracked the game, a bee when it has made the honey, so a man when he has done a good act, does not call out for others to come and see, but he goes on to another act, as a vine goes on to produce again the grapes in season.- Must a man then be one of these, who in a manner act thus without observing it?- Yes.- But this very thing is necessary, the observation of what a man is doing: for, it may be said, it is characteristic of the social animal to perceive that he is working in a social manner, and indeed to wish that his social partner also should perceive it.- It is true what you say, but you do not rightly understand what is now said: and for this reason you will become one of those of whom I spoke before, for even they are misled by a certain show of reason. But if you will choose to understand the meaning of what is said, do not fear that for this reason you will omit any social act.


You and the OP are behaving like the second person in this example. You do a "good deed" and don't bother to point out that you expect something in return; yet you go through life, keeping score and expecting something.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



Kivlor said:


> Okay, I'm going to break this down for everyone here:
> 
> She gave her friend a gift, by asking her to be a bridesmaid. Unless she qualified that upon giving it, and stated "I expect repayment at your wedding" then it was a gift. And she has no justification to feel upset.
> 
> ...


She could have given her friend some crumb, a small gesture. But she didn't.

I could have commented on the unwarranted hostile tone of your posts. But I am refraining from doing so.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> That's not my attitude at all. I don't feel like she didn't give me a gift on her wedding day and holding a grudge. Maybe we are both ' petty'
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You misunderstand me. You gave her a gift, by asking her to be in your wedding. Now you expect repayment. She didn't give you a gift, and you are disturbed by it.

If you always saw it as a debt, did you make it clear from the outset that it was a debt? If not why not? And if not, why would you treat it like one now.

Be the 1st man from my example, or be the 3rd man. But don't be the 2nd. 2nd is deceitful, and dishonest in his nature.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



MattMatt said:


> She could have given her friend some crumb, a small gesture. But she didn't.
> 
> I could have commented on the unwarranted hostile tone of your posts. But I am refraining from doing so.


If it appears hostile, that is not the intent. I'm sorry you feel that way. 

Again, you go back to expecting repayment. For a favor conferred years prior. Seems kind of petty to me.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



Kivlor said:


> If it appears hostile, that is not the intent. I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> Again, you go back to expecting repayment. For a favor conferred years prior. Seems kind of petty to me.


You seem to have misunderstood the basic concept behind what OP was alluding to. It is very, _*very*_ common at weddings.

It is not expecting repayment.

It is called common courtesy.

Civilised behaviour.

Quid pro quo.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

I'm going to give an example from my life:

One of my 2 best buddies got married in 2012. At the time we hung out several times a week, did most everything together--all 3 of us.

When it came time for the wedding, he only got to have 2 groomsmen, and 1 had to be his bride's brother. I didn't get a spot. Now, I could take that as a slight against all I've done for and with him, or I could just take it as him making a choice, when he had to.

I opted not to hold this against him, because seriously, it's a small, meaningless gesture. And it would be terribly small of me to let something so petty get between me and a dear friend. 

Or in other words: If I were the kind of friend who would let the fact that I missed out on some 5 minute moment get between me and a buddy; then am I really much of a friend?


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



MattMatt said:


> You seem to have misunderstood the basic concept behind what OP was alluding to. It is very, _*very*_ common at weddings.
> 
> It is not expecting repayment.
> 
> ...


Call it what you want. You demand reciprocity, and that's fine. I like reciprocity too. We all do. But to expect it, when you didn't speak up about it...

BTW, a Quid pro quo is an exchange. Which is exactly what I'm getting at.



no name said:


> We been friends for 27 years , who on earth is keeping score?! I'm not.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No Name, go back and read your opening post. You are obviously upset that you invited her to your wedding as a bridesmaid, and she only invited you to her wedding (not as a bridesmaid). You are keeping score. Perhaps you don't mean to be. And if not, you might spend some time reflecting on why you are.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

OP, I want to add that I agree, it's a terrible way to go through life; keeping score; holding people I confer a favor upon as though they are in my debt.

That is why I would suggest trying to be the 3rd man from my example. Be like a vine when it has produced a grape, a bee that has made it's honey, and in due time go on to produce more fruit (do more favors) as a part of your nature, and expect nothing in return. It isn't easy for many people to start, but it is unbelievably rewarding when you succeed.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



Kivlor said:


> I'm going to give an example from my life:
> 
> One of my 2 best buddies got married in 2012. At the time we hung out several times a week, did most everything together--all 3 of us.
> 
> ...


But if you had had him as a groomsman at your wedding then the expectation would be that you would be a groomsman at his wedding or that you would be an usher or have some other similar role.

That's how it works. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



MattMatt said:


> But if you had had him as a groomsman at your wedding then the expectation would be that you would be a groomsman at his wedding or that you would be an usher or have some other similar role.
> 
> That's how it works.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not at all. And I fully intend to have him as a groomsman when I am married some day. And He won't be expected to do anything for me as a quid pro quo. The expectation ends at the completion of the part: groomsman. He won't be expecting anything in return for filling the role either.

It is far to small a thing to let get in the way of a great friendship.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> I just want to clarify- does this include 2 family members as groomsman- or 1 friend and 1 family member?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


He was allowed 2 groomsmen. 1 of those 2 had to be his bride's brother. The other was his choice. 

Why would I feel insulted that he chose the person he wanted? As if I have a claim to his wedding? It's his party, I was just glad to be there.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> I got married 3 years before her and I guess I had less time for her, she thus gravitated towards another friend at the same life stage as her. In saying that, we always were friends and kept in contact regularly and I also am an acquaintance to her other friend. I just didn't realise , how I was being 'replaced' by this other friend until the wedding. Due to my perception that no matter what other things we do, in the end we will always have a strong bond. It's hurtful to realise that Iam just a guest in her life as Iam just a guest in her wedding.


If you look more objectively I think you'll find that it's not that "you were replaced by her other friend" but that she was replaced by you in your life by your husband; thus pushing her out of many of the more intimate/life building moments of the relationship.

Very common (probably even necessary) that during marriage we must concentrate on building the relationship and dynasty that is our family. Friends can come and go, but if you don't have that core "family is something extra important" then you just giving birth (and feeding, nursing, cleaning) a bunch of future strangers while your life is on hold for 20-30 years. So are you building a something special about the family that will last through your descendants? or are you just battery humans raising the next batch of the State's working slaves?


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It sounds like she had a really snall wedding party. One bridesmaid. No extras. I think you should stop obsessing over it.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> Actually go back and read further discussion. I have accepted not being bridesmaid. It's her treatment of our friendship through the process. There really was no need to completely exclude me from this joyous and stressful times leading to this special day. She barely spoke to me even having some sort of contribution would of been nice. I did what she wanted, my family and I came to the wedding and we were kind and courteous . We gave her a big sum of money as a gift, we wished her and hubby well.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Again, you are keeping score. "She didn't make me a bridesmaid. She should have done something for me"

It was her wedding. She's your friend. Be happy for her. Stop expecting her to do things for you as a part of her wedding. This is bordering on narcissism.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> Actually go back and read further discussion. I have accepted not being bridesmaid. It's her treatment of our friendship through the process. There really was no need to completely exclude me from this joyous and stressful times leading to this special day. She barely spoke to me even having some sort of contribution would of been nice. I did what she wanted, my family and I came to the wedding and we were kind and courteous . We gave her a big sum of money as a gift, we wished her and hubby well.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




I don't get why you're upset. Why exactly are you hurt? How did you want her to act? Her wedding was about your friendship?


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> I meant something I could do for her. I would have loved to have helped out if she let me. I am and was happy for her. Its not like I have stopped being her friend and acting rude. I am merely trying to comprehend my feelings.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I understood.

I'm trying to point out exactly what you're saying, in a way that you might be able to see the problem that I see. 

She should have done something for you <given you a spot in the wedding party / wedding planning> and you're holding a grudge over it.

I'm going to repeat myself:

This was her wedding. She was your friend. You should be happy for her and let this go, instead of trying to make her wedding about you. You are coming across as quite narcissistic, and I'm sure you don't mean to.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> No ,a wedding is about the couple. Just some courtesy . Getting married doesn't give rule to treating others badly.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


So, by not asking you to do something for the wedding, she has mistreated you?


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*

Note that I'm not calling you a narcissist, I'm pointing out a concern with a specific behavior / though pattern. I even qualified it with the note that I don't think you're doing it intentionally, or with malice. 

I'm going to proffer a different way of looking at this. OP, consider that it appears this is what you are saying:

"I am unhappy because <X> has happened to me." 

But, why do you choose to be unhappy by it? Is it not better to say: 

"I am happy, though this has happened to me; for this can neither crush me in the present, nor cause me to fear the future."

Why then should we consider this a misfortune, rather than a good one? Will this prevent you from living your life and being a good person?

Remember this, whenever you encounter something that frustrates you: Not that this which has happened to you is a misfortune, but *to bear it nobly is a good fortune.*


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> Mistreated is a strong choice of words. You seem to have some personal attachment to this subject?! It seems to me this could be a reflection of what you actually felt but to help you get through it , your thoughts you have written here have helped you to accept it. I understand that helped you. To answer your question - no it's not 'mistreatment' I already have said I have understood your point of view but I will take everyone's advice and process it my own way.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You implied she treated you badly. Is mistreated not just another way of stating that exact same thing?

Edited to add for context:



> No ,a wedding is about the couple. Just some courtesy . Getting married doesn't give rule to treating others badly.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> That could be subjective.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Did you mean something else then?


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> No ,a wedding is about the couple. Just some courtesy . Getting married doesn't give rule to treating others badly.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Huh? How did she treat you badly?


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> I just find it curious of choosing such words as ' mistreated ' and 'narcissistic' for this situation. A reflection of how you feel
> Perhaps.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I was merely trying to rephrase back to you, your own words. Your exact quote was "No ,a wedding is about the couple. Just some courtesy . Getting married doesn't give rule to treating others badly." which implied that you felt as though you had been treated badly. 

I chose "mistreated" because it is a shorter form of "treated badly", mis being the prefix for "wrong" "ill" or "incorrect". 

Did you mean something else when you stated that? 

As to the "narcissistic" comment, yes, I am of the opinion that the word describes your complaint about your friend's wedding--which is why I chose it. It appears, whether or not you intend it, that you wish your friend's wedding was more about you. If there's a better descriptor, I'd be glad to retract. I don't think self-centered quite captures the totality of the situation as you describe it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> A friendship isn't about ' favours' and ' expecting repayment' I don't go through life keeping score, what a terrible way to view life .


I get why you feel as you do.

With a wedding, usually the bride and groom involve the their closet friends. It's a way to share the entire wedding experience. For example the bride and her friends do special things together. For example when my BFF married, I went with her and helped her pick out the wedding cake; we shopped for her dress; etc. These are cherished times. And this is what you hoped to share with your friend. A wedding is usually not just a one day event for the wedding party.

But for those who the bride and groom are not that close to it is a one day, or a few hour, event. You go and witness the ceremony, you go to the party/dinner. That's it. And furing this you spend no real time with the bride and/or groom because that day is all about them. And they have a lot of guests to attend to.

I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. You were excluded from all of activities that lead up to the wedding day. You were basically just a guest.

Some here are giving you a hard time. I'm not sure why and I think you need to take what they are saying with a grain of salt.

I also think that your friend has moved on mostly from the friendship you two used to have. If I were you, I'd let her make the next move. Just get on with your life.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> A friendship isn't about ' favours' and ' expecting repayment' *I don't go through life keeping score, what a terrible way to view life . *
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



That's exactly what you're doing in this very thread! How many posts have you mentioned the 27 year friendship? How many posts have you mentioned that she didn't even have you do a reading? YOU are keeping score!

Grow up sweetheart. Recognize that sometimes things aren't going to go your way. This is not a slight on you. You got married and your life changed and revolved around other things, not your single friends. So your friend found someone else to hang out with. That doesn't mean she no longer loves you.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> You may view friendship as keeping score . I don't view it as so. You may think this situation is keeping score based on what you have read , but I don't agree.
> 
> Point noted on second paragraph and i understand your thought.
> 
> ...


I clearly failed to get my point across.

YOU are the one keeping score. Not me, YOU. No, this is not a score keeping situation, but you are making it into one by....rationalizing all the reasons why you should have been picked as a brides maid. That is keeping score.


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

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## meson (May 19, 2011)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



no name said:


> It's hard to know what the right thing to do is. Should i just stop whinging to myself and get over this or do I have right to feel like this ?


You most certainly have a right to feel bad over it. There is no question about that. However feeding that bad feeling does nothing but hurt you in the long run. If you act out on it it will most likely sever what is left of the friendship. Let time pass and see how it goes. She may also need time to adjust to the demands on time from the marriage. Don't give up on her yet but don't expect much either. Time will tell.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



meson said:


> *Friendships change all the time and it sucks to realize that a once best friend is no longer mutual. What you are going through is not uncommon. As we grow and our lives change our sphere of friends evolve. You may not notice it much until a big event like this shows is that it's been reset by the growth of other friendships.
> 
> A similar thing happened to me with my best man and a few years later I wasn't even invited to his wedding. It sucked but I realized that we had grown apart by not living close enough to nurture the friendship. We each had our separate lives and in his case what Norajane suggested was true, it was a super small wedding. What it did was encourage me to understand the dynamics of friendships and attempt to keep more connected with my friends I don't see very much.
> 
> As the Verve says life is a bittersweet symphony...*










... that's just the reality for many.. 

The girl whom I will always call my "bestest" friend.. I think because she was there for me when things were difficult at home... we were in our teens.. inseparable... I had her for my "Maid of Honor "... but she didn't have me.. we slowly grew apart after high school... heck even before we finished high school...she was gravitating to other friends.. a little on the wild side... she went off to college, then she moved away.. I stayed in the same town.. got married younger & had a bunch of kids... very different life really.

I remember how hurt I felt when she started moving towards other friends... I was very jealous !!! I've felt more jealousy over that over any man....

At this point.. I'd met my husband ..which eased these things...from that time.. He became my "best friend", none could ever compare... I do wonder today if I keep up a small wall with women due to the pain of my best friend's moving on..

I was just a guest at her wedding 10 years later.. nothing special.. I can't say I took it personal... I was happy to be there...

@ no name ...I don't know that I would talk to her about it though... it may hurt more to realize she wasn't aware of how strongly you felt in this.. I'd find that a little humiliating .. but that's me.. I'd just suck it up and put your energy where others show they enjoy you. 

Unless you felt you did her wrong years ago (not giving her enough of your time)...that your hand in this contributed to her slipping away from you.... I might bring something like that up.. to see how she felt about it.. if anything... it would be a good conversation starter anyway...

But yeah... I think people come into our lives for a period of time.. we are to love them, enjoy the memories.. some are here for a season (my bestest friend growing up) and some stay for a lifetime...

And it's OK.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

*Re: 27 years Friendship, excluded from wedding!*



SimplyAmorous said:


> But yeah... I think people come into our lives for a period of time.. we are to love them, enjoy the memories.. some are here for a season (my bestest friend growing up) and some stay for a lifetime...
> 
> And it's OK.


This is very true! And the fact that some have drifted away should not diminish the value of the time once shared. Don't let the bad feelings diminish the times that were good...


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

As you may have noticed - I put a 'resolved' to end the thread. I would like to now conclude that reading all the different views has helped me , I thus have forgiven her and I look forward to an improved friendship with her in married life. Thank you for the views. 


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

Moderator please close this thread . Also I think my account have been hacked, I never posted the above!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

no name said:


> Moderator please close this thread . Also I think my account have been hacked, I never posted the above!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Someone -who has been banned for spamming for a haircare product- merely quoted your post.

So it is very unlikely that your account has been hacked.

However, if you wish you can change your password by clicking on your User CP link (top right of this page) and find the section for changing your password.


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