# When do you bring up that you're divorced?



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

I'm 30, she is 28. We have been on 3 dates and about to be a fourth. I have dated some in the last year and i can tell this one is different from the others. We have a lot in common and seem to be very into each other. However, like all dating in the past, i know the dreaded "I'm divorced" conversation has to come up eventually.
I feel like if i wait to long, she will not respect me for holding it from her. However, I also feel I'm not ready to indulge into yet, since we have only been on 3 dates about to be a 4th and it might be to early. 

Should i just wait until the topic of past relationships come up, or just come clean and tell her, when I'm over her place having dinner next week.

Thanks.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Don't make such a big deal of it. It doesn't have to start as a "conversation", although I guess it might turn into one. But play it cool, wait till previous relationships come up, and then just be honest. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Yeah I know I shouldn't make a big deal of it. I have my mothers genetics to thank for that *to much of a worry wart* it seems.

I'm just glad my past failure didn't end bad. We left on good terms and haven't spoken to her in over 11 months.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Why are you fretting over being honest about yourself? It's not a scarlet letter....there is a good chance your date has heard the word "divorced" before. She may have even met someone or read about someone who's been divorced.

Seriously though, good relationship don't start from secrets. IF she had a major problem with it, she's not right for you anyways.

Where are you that divorce is so taboo?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

tulsy said:


> Why are you fretting over being honest about yourself? It's not a scarlet letter....there is a good chance your date has heard the word "divorced" before. She may have even met someone or read about someone who's been divorced.
> 
> Seriously though, good relationship don't start from secrets. IF she had a major problem with it, she's not right for you anyways.
> 
> Where are you that divorce is so taboo?


I'm guessing its an age thing. Not as many people are divorced at 30 than at say, 40 or 50. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Tell her ASAP. And in the future should there be other women you need to tell them from the beginning. Practice saying it out loud casually. If it's not a big deal to you it won't be a big deal to them either.

There are some things that need to be disclosed early on and this is one of them. You're already pushing it and if you hold out much longer she'll wonder what else you are hiding.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

This is just me but if I am going out on an official date and not just hanging out with someone, being divorced would come up pretty quick in the first few conversations if they didn't already know. 

Just want to be as up front as possible.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

you've been on three dates and no talk about past relationships for either of you? there are any number of ways to ease into that conversation with a person and that becomes the opportunity to mention your divorce. Generally speaking, regardless of whether one has been divorced or not, if the topic of past relationships hasn't come up at all after 3 or 4 dates, then I'd call it a casual relationship that isn't growing.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Thanks for advice. I have a dinner date with her at her place next week (working all weekend). I will bring up the conversation then and let yall know what happened. Thanks again.

I have been reading up on how to say it over the past couple of days. I guess moral of the story is, is to just say we left "on good terms" and never talk bad about your ex. Hopefully it will turn out good. Really like this girl and dont wont past skeletons in my closest to ruin it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You should have told her on the first date. Tell her now, and don't make big deal out of it or it'll look like you're not over it. Answer her questions with as little detail as possible and do not talk about your ex. If she asks tell her that you were young and it didn't work out, and you both went your separate ways. She might even wonder what other drama there is that would cause you to keep it from her. Get it out now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

I'm sorry if yall thought i waited to long to tell her. The reason why i didnt bring it up on the 1st date and part of 2nd date, was b/c i wanted her to know me as a person before she passed judgement. Also the conversation has never been brought up. 
3rd date all i did was bring over pizza to her place and watch a movie (yes some kissing was involved but nothing more)

So yes, i will bring it up in general conversation next week. We haven't even discussed the thought of "exclusive" relationship yet. Just getting to know each other. I have only known her for 11 days total. So i felt i was not holding anything from her in the short amount of time we have seen each other.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is not something you 'wait' to tell someone. I'd pass judgement on you for not telling me on the first date.

It's like not telling someone you have kids until they get to know you as a person.


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## kezins (Aug 25, 2013)

Considering the majority of people get married several times, being divorced shouldn't even be an issue. It should be mentioned very early on meeting someone though or they will never trust you. If someone takes issue with it, they are probably detached from reality.

Maybe you are thinking too hard about being honest too. Just be honest. If you are honest and someone dislikes it, it's much better than getting deep into something and then find out it's wrong.


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