# breaking The Rules and Cake Eating



## KellyAnn65 (Jul 23, 2014)

Ok here is my story sorry beforehand if I ramble.......


My husband and I have been married for 15 years been together 16 
In Sept of 2012 I had corrective surgery done from the effects of stage 3 bladder cancer I had in 2006. Well after this surgery sex was too painful to even consider I chalked it up too scar tissue ..My husband has ALWAYS been very sexual person..So I felt bad for him and said he could seek a friend outside the marriage we only had 3 rules

1. He wouldn't fall in love

2. I could look anytime I wanted at text or email's that he sent to other woman

3. If I said stop it stopped

Well thing were going fine I knew he had friends here n there and that didn't bother me. And A couple of times I said stop and he did. So everything was going fine. Well this past January they finally figured out why sex was painful and I had surgery to correct it. We tried to have sex in February and it still hurt...I was upset and thought the surgery didn't work.Now as anyone knows if something is painful YOU DON"T WANT IT ....And I told my husband that my sex drive was gone which it was you don't like things that hurt you.
So anyway he started going to the bars and I guess hooking up there with woman.Until June when he told me he had met a woman that he was compatible with and it was gonna be so much better being with just 1 woman then the bar s which I agreed.
We even had this woman over to dinner where I could meet her. She seemed nice and even asked me if I was ok with this and that she would never be the "other" woman to A married an if the wife wasn't ok with it.Then they BOTH told me if I said stop it would stop ...So a week or so went buy and I look at the email's they are sending and they are planning trips together out west and how there lives are gonna be so wonderful and that they loved each other......I was pissed to say the least...I confronted Joe and he said oh it was just talk and the whole new relationship thing so I let it go..Then I see an email were they were together when he told me he was working
So I said that it had to stop it was going way too fast I mean I knew what they were doing but come there planning these trips and I am just suppose to sit here alone WTH.
Well Joe told me ok he would break it off with her this was weekend before last...So that Monday I think thing are fine she is gone ( Oh and in the meantime we tried sex again and it didn't hurt) so that was back. Well he didn't break it off like he said he would and she is not gonna break it off either....I am just at a total loss here I want to scream cry and just crawl in A hole and die...He tells me he still loves me and is IN love with me but that I am not gonna take away his fun...He also says every time I want to talk about it I am pushing him out the door so I can't even share my feelings with him about this the slightest little question sends him off. I even asked him about marriage counseling and he said no no reason just flat out no... I still have problems from the cancer and because of them I can not work And I haven't worked long enough as an adult to get disability busy raising his 2 kids and my 2 kids All are grown now but we are raising our 2 year old grandson ...
So when I said to him I have no say or choice about this he said yes you do we can sell the house and get A divorce WHAT I DO NOT WANT a divorce ...I have to give up my life of 16 years because he can't give up this woman?? 
Now he says how funny it is that my sex drive has come back right when he meets her I can not help that I got scared when we tried it and it was still sore maybe we tried too soon I don't know.

Now here is the kicker As long as I do not mention anything about this affair (It became an affair when they went back on there word in my book) and as long as I don't show any emotion over all of it everything is wonderful he leaves me love notes in the morning and has coffee set up for me ..He has brought me flowers if you were in my house you would swear we don't have a problem in the world he is al lovey dovey...And yet she is still in the picture and he is still planning trips with her and saying he loves her ...I still check his email's even though I have been forbidden to look at them anymore or his text either. Hell he tod me he was working late tomorrow is he no he is going to see her..

And not 10 min ago he sent me a text saying how I was the best wife A man could ever want....I am A complete wreck here.I can't eat can't sleep and I go around all day either crying with a knot in my stomach. I feel like I am walking on eggshells and can't express anything to him. I am lost and scared and hurt and mad and feel like the rug has been ripped from under me. I only did this to begin with because I love him so much and felt it was unfair for him not to be able to have sex it wasn't his fault I got sick.

I just want her gone but it doesn't look like that is gonna happen anytime soon. So here I sit miserable and upset

Is there anything I can do to feel A little normal again I don't know...

He is going to go see her this weekend and I am A total wreck and he doesn't seem at all bothered about it says he is but I don't see it I have done everything I know to try to stop it but nothing works

I love him so much and do not want to break my marriage up He is my whole world
  :banghead:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Did you forget that you'd already opened a thread on this topic? In case you couldn't find it, here it is...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209050-changing-rules-agreement-cake-eating.html


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Kelly Ann, I would suggest closing this thread and sticking with your other one. You've already gotten some good advice there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You already posted this thread yesterday. 

Please stick to one as it makes it very confusing when there are multiple threads on the same topic.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife made this offer to me. I told her thanks, but no thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> My wife made this offer to me. I told her thanks, but no thanks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My ex did, too.

Later I found out it was because she was already screwing someone else, so she magnanimously offered me the same privilege.


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