# Husband walked out of his job, not doing much to find another...



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Hi all

In a bit of a situation, need advice.

My husband has worked in the same job for the last ten years, except for a short spell four years ago (will come back to this bit.) Permanent job, long days but regular and reliable. Not a "career" or with any chance of working upwards but a semi-skilled position, and left the weekends free for family stuff.

On Monday he came home and explained he'd left his job. Bit of a story but the gist of it was that his manager, the owner of the company, had flipped his lid at my husband after my husband called him out for being rude to him. The manager lost it and told my husband to repeatedly "f*** off" in front of an office full of staff, and so much that his colleagues downstairs could hear.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. He felt he could not return without it appearing he was okay with that behaviour, in the UK we call it constructive dismissal. The manager has a history of being a pr!ck. My husband temporarily left this job about four years ago because he was utterly fed up with it, handed in his notice completely unannounced and was off for around four months before he went back after we found out I was pregnant.

Anyway...

Our arrangement since I was pregnant with our first baby (my third child), was that I would stay at home full-time and deal with all the kids stuff, until the youngest started school (we now have another baby who is two in a couple of months.) He would look for another full-time job.

Okay. What he's actually been doing is being slack. He's been staying up late every night, drinking (more than usual) and smoking, then getting up late every morning, usually because I've been waking him up. I've been doing a lot of online job searching for him, mainly because I used to find and get people jobs for a living. He has done a little, and called up for a couple of jobs, but really that's been it.

IMO looking for a job should be a job in itself. Getting up for breakfast, getting dressed then sitting down to check the latest jobs online. Polishing his cv and dropping it into places with a cover letter. Making speculative phone calls. Picking up application forms. I am quite happy to carry on doing my role looking after the kids and the house so he can get out doing all of this as much as he needs to.

He says he's feeling down and I can see he is a little. But staying in bed all morning hungover isn't going to get him a job and is going to make him feel worse.

I don't know whether to be supportive or give him a kick up the arse - the latter being my preferred choice atm!

Any advice?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

He sounds depressed; you can't fix it but you can be supportive by suggesting he visit a doctor.


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## WEBELONG2GETHER (Jan 22, 2012)

Mayben you can look for a job and let him stay home with the children


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

> It was the straw that broke the camel's back. He felt he could not return without it appearing he was okay with that behaviour, in the UK we call it constructive dismissal.


Here is the US that would be called a lawsuit most likely.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My sister got fired right before Thanksgiving once. It pushed her into a depression and it took her till after the holidays were over before she could pull it together to get a job.

I'm prone to depression as well and if I lost my job on Monday it would probably take me a minimum of 2-3 weeks before I would be able to get my wits about me to start over. I'm not a bounce back quickly kinda person. I wish I was but sadly I'm just not.

If I were you I'd give him a few weeks to wallow and then start pushing him to get up if he hasn't already.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Thanks everyone.

He is definitely feeling down. Him working is a massive part of who he is, being the man and the provider. He is a practical person and loves being busy at work, which is why we have the arrangement we do, ie he works and I stay at home. He'd go stir crazy if he stayed at home with the kids and we both know it!

Reading back maybe I've been a bit harsh with him. I'm just worried he'll get stuck in a downward spiral. I've been encouraging him to see this as a blessing in disguise; this would be a great opportunity to do a course or some training to enhance his prospects - there's been a handful of things he's mentioned in the past he'd like to do. I'm behind him if he wants to do that 100%.

My primary worry is money. I completely understand why he left. I *am* worried about money though with me not working and we have four children, plus not long ago we moved house just far enough away from school that I have to drive the older ones there every day so we need to keep a working vehicle in order. We have some savings but they won't last forever.

I'm going to go a bit easier on him I think for now.


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