# Second time around ~ How do you know its true love?



## brokenmama (May 27, 2012)

After having my heart crushed after 16 years of marriage by a cheating ex, my idea of love is slightly skewered. I have been dating a man now for six months. How do you know its true love? Is it even possible to know, or are we all just taking chances? Does true love exist? And lastly, follow your head, or follow your heart?
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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Love is the ultimate leap of faith. Only you can decide when to take that leap.


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## THANKGOODNESSIMFABULOUS (Aug 19, 2013)

A very good friend told me that we can never predict what the outcome will be. And when we fall in love we take a chance that it will or will not work. But if I allow the pain of my past dictate my present, I am not allowing myself to enjoy the here and now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

brokenmama said:


> . I have been dating a man now for six months. How do you know its true love? Is it even possible to know, or are we all just taking chances?


I think when you know, you just "feel" it. 

So how do you feel? If you love someone, I think you know.

I'm not one for that "soulmate" thinking. But I do think people can learn to love again, in different new/ways. Not two relationships are the same.

Hope you found some LOVE.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Love is always a risk. However, the best way I've found to be sure is to take the time to learn how they respond to different situations, especially when it involves difficulties, hardships, illness, etc.. Are they still there for you, supportive and caring? Or are they annoyed, selfish, dismissive, etc.?

The next best thing to do is take an extended road trip together, without set plans or advance reservations. Take turns driving and navigating. Negotiate where to go for dinner, and where to stay and how much to pay. Figure out WHO pays and see WHO makes decisions and how the process is shared.

YOU may feel it - but do they? Actions are true, words only may be.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I think when you know, you just "feel" it.
> 
> So how do you feel? If you love someone, I think you know.


I love you JB but I can't disagree with this more.

Love is not a feeling. Infatuation is a feeling. Love is the connection that causes people to SHOW love to another person even when they do not feel like it.

That is not something that just happens. It is something that is cultivated through many years of growth, sharing, communicating, and investment in other people's lives.

The "feeling" of love fades, or rather, it cycles, throughout a relationship. If you are basing your relationship on that feeling, the relationship won't last once the chemicals wear off.

Does true love exist? It depends on what true love you mean. Is there a person out there who will just sweep you off your feet and you'll have that chemical high for the rest of your life? Nope. Is there someone out there who will work with you to build trust and a solid relationship? Yep.

Every type of "love" has a risk to it. You can not love someone without risk. Because to love someone means that they have a piece of you. To love means to be vulnerable, there is no way around it.

As for follow your head, follow your heart. As in all things of life, there needs to be balance.

If your body screams "yes!" but your head is telling you something isn't right, then you should heed those warnings. Conversely, if someone looks good on paper but there is no spark there, that should also not be ignored.

"The heart" has a way of masking the red flags that pop up early in a relationship, so I would suggest taking it slow and not making any major decisions without sufficient time. Supposedly it takes about 2 years before the chemicals wear off and you really start to know someone. But if it's "true love" then waiting and taking things slow won't change that.

There's no rush to define something as "true love". If you are in a relationship and you enjoy it, continue. If you aren't enjoying it, then there is no reason to stay.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

There is no such thing as true, *unconditional* love.

Sorry to say.

Given Red Flags, Yellow Flags, Fitness Tests, The Game, Alpha Beta (etc), deal breakers, non negoitable lists that people want in the oppposite sex.

Its doesn't exist.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Love is not automatic. Unless both want it, it wont happen. But if you do both want it and prepared to work at it it will. Since you were married before and for a long time you must by now realise where you went wrong. Just make sure not to make the same mistakes.
Good luck.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Believe me , when we are truly in love you do not have to ask one thing. lt's in your face ,heart,head,legs,loins, no ifs no buts. lt does exist but that was with my x and we met 18 yrs ago and even we just separated .

So now even l wonder just like you are. l dunno if it can happen twice although l do believe there are 4 or 5 people out there for all of us , not just the one.
The way l use to feel about my x even just looking at her though , well for yrs before it all went wrong , not sure l'd expect to ever feel that again , especially as you say , in this condition .

lt's probably the worst attitude in the world to have but to be honest , l'm sorta expecting to be a like/love in a future women , not an in love/love .
l sorta just don't see how l could get that lucky again .

l think you'll have to follow both if you wanna be safe. Use your brains , experience , judgement but don't like block a really good thing.


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

I know in a lot of peoples eyes on here, I started dating someone way before hey think it's right, but in my case, we clicked. We have been good friends for some 18 years and one night I saw him through a different set of eyes, and the click was there. Yes I do love him, but I love that he gives me space, time together is equally important as time apart. Old fashioned courting I think it's called.

My heart and brain tell me to take it slowly which is what I'm doing- and as a result it's a very different, gentle relationship with lots of mutual caring and respect and understanding. 

Just don't ask me about entering another Civil Partnership. My new partner knows full well that isn't going to happen even if we last the distance. Unlike my X who is virtually running up the aisle with his new partner and living together. Heck we aren't even divorced properly yet!!

But in the future who knows?? Perhaps a long engagement hehehe


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

just curious what "divorced properly" means?


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