# Sexual Degradation - How Far Is Too Far?



## gene_vincent (Jan 10, 2016)

my wife asked me to spit in her mouth last night during sex.

I'm okay with choking, hair pulling, light slapping, etc. but it seems like the sexual degradation just keeps ramping up with her. it started a few months ago when she said we needed to "spice things up" and suggested some rape simulation. but now it seems she wants it rougher and harder each time. she says vanilla sex is boring to her now.

is it something I should be worried about or is this normal submissive behavior?


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## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

No big deal as long as is something you're both comfortable with. But....You don't seem comfortable with it.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

gene_vincent said:


> my wife asked me to spit in her mouth last night during sex.
> 
> I'm okay with choking, hair pulling, light slapping, etc. but it seems like the sexual degradation just keeps ramping up with her. it started a few months ago when she said we needed to "spice things up" and suggested some rape simulation. but now it seems she wants it rougher and harder each time. she says vanilla sex is boring to her now.
> 
> is it something I should be worried about or is this normal submissive behavior?


My advice.
Man up and GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS !

Let me put it to you this way. If you don't give her what she wants there are 10,000,000 other guys right behind you that would cut off one of their fingers to take your place.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

It's too much when it stops being fun for one or both of you.

If it's not fun for you, it's too much.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Start dipping Copenhagen. That will change her mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
you need to talk and find a set of things that you both enjoy. It can be tricky when one person is considerably more kinky than the other, but its worth both of you trying to find a compromise you both enjoy.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Dude, you need top grow a backbone. Your wife is walking ALL OVER you, according to your other post especially. And you say you don't know if you can live without her and you NEED her. This will get you nothing but heartache.

Stop this nonsense in the bedroom right now and get to the bottom of what she's up to. What have you done about the GNO she takes every week and the fact her friends 'hate' you? 

If I were you I'd be investigating whether she's cheating. She's showing many red flags - change in sexual preferences, hanging out with single friends, friends taking crap about you.

Do you have access to her phone/computer/tablet?


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

You need to be talking to her, not us. 

You're in a D/s relationship. Which requires even more communication than a vanilla one might have, due to the extra dynamic. 

IF you're uncomfortable with it (and you haven't said if you are or not), tell her. If she's wanting to escalate the D/s further than you're used to (comfortable with), it's time to sit down and discuss boundaries/limits. 

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with it. She likes feeling 'degraded', it appears. As long as it's consensual, respected, by both of you, it is just another aspect to your 'playtime'. 

End of the day, it's just saliva. Albeit delivered in a different way than heavy kissing. Think what else you stick in her mouth (if you catch my drift). A bit of spit isn't the worse thing she's swallowed...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

gene_vincent said:


> my wife asked me to spit in her mouth last night during sex.
> 
> I'm okay with choking, hair pulling, light slapping, etc. but it seems like the sexual degradation just keeps ramping up with her. it started a few months ago when she said we needed to "spice things up" and suggested some rape simulation. but now it seems she wants it rougher and harder each time. she says vanilla sex is boring to her now.
> 
> is it something I should be worried about or is this normal submissive behavior?



Have you seen bruises or marks on her that you know you did not cause? If so there there might be some skullduggery going on....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Dude, you need top grow a backbone. Your wife is walking ALL OVER you, according to your other post especially. And you say you don't know if you can live without her and you NEED her. This will get you nothing but heartache.
> 
> Stop this nonsense in the bedroom right now and get to the bottom of what she's up to. What have you done about the GNO she takes every week and the fact her friends 'hate' you?
> 
> ...



Yep. These are huge red flags. Something is not right, and I think OP's gut is telling him so.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

gene_vincent said:


> my wife asked me to spit in her mouth last night during sex.
> 
> I'm okay with choking, hair pulling, light slapping, etc. but it seems like the sexual degradation just keeps ramping up with her. it started a few months ago when she said we needed to "spice things up" and suggested some rape simulation. but now it seems she wants it rougher and harder each time. she says vanilla sex is boring to her now.
> 
> is it something I should be worried about or is this normal submissive behavior?


Do it. Stop overthinking it. The last thing you want is for your woman to be freakier than you!!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

How does she know about these things? This is new behavior, right? 

Red Flag...Not Chinese or Ruskie.

She may be learning this from porn sites found on the internet. Or nasty girlfriend talk. Or she may be seeing this action in the first person. 

Do you enjoy the action or fear the worst? I Dunno.

You may get a free complementary introduction to the STD TV Channel. 

Break out the VARs.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Spit in her mouth? :wtf:

If you need to ask the question "Has this gone too far?" then I think you already know the answer to that.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Spitting in mouth....she's definitely watching porn or someone else is doing it to her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sixbravebulls said:


> Spitting in mouth....she's definitely watching porn or someone else is doing it to her.


Yep.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

gene_vincent said:


> I'm okay with choking, hair pulling, light slapping, etc. but it seems like the sexual degradation just keeps ramping up with her. it started a few months ago when she said we needed to "spice things up" ...


Did she give you a reason for her sudden need to add "spice" to sex? Was your sex life prior to this rather boring and routine?

I cannot say whether or not there is another man who factors in this situation, but porn viewing is what comes to mind for me. 

If both of you are not comfortable with what is going on in your bedroom, then a frank discussion is needed. Spit? I dunno ... doesn't sound terribly kinky to me. But it's your comfort level that matters. Talk to her. Now.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

gene_vincent said:


> my wife asked me to spit in her mouth last night during sex.
> 
> I'm okay with choking, hair pulling, light slapping, etc. but it seems like the sexual degradation just keeps ramping up with her. it started a few months ago when she said we needed to "spice things up" and suggested some rape simulation. but now it seems she wants it rougher and harder each time. she says vanilla sex is boring to her now.
> 
> is it something I should be worried about or is this normal submissive behavior?


Assuming this is real: She is learning this somewhere else...


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

OP, why did you not react after jan 12 in your other thread on the other posters??


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## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

sixbravebulls said:
Original post 
Spitting in mouth....she's definitely watching porn or someone else is doing it to her.

I disagree. Sometimes I think people read to much into things. H and I do this exact thing during sex, my idea. Why? I dunno, I just wanted him to do it one night and he did and we both liked it. I don't watch porn, I think it's unimaginative and I'm completely faithful. I have had experimented in my past, but this was something new. It was just something I wanted, and he's always down for anything, which I love. So I wouldn't chalk it up to be cheating or anything like that just yet. 

On the other hand, I also read that post about the friends, and I think there are bigger problems at play.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Men can say no, too.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

Peaf said:


> sixbravebulls said:
> Original post
> Spitting in mouth....she's definitely watching porn or someone else is doing it to her.
> 
> ...


What is the appeal of spitting in the mouth?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

Don't wanna thread jack. For me, there's a lot of appeal. It's submissive thing, of course. I also like the sensation, the feel and taste of my man in a different way. It's simulates ejaculation in my mouth, but while we're in the midst of everything else, which is cool. There's also a sense of it being taboo I guess, because some people might think it's gross. The adventure of trying new things. There's the feeling of acceptance on a different level, me taking him in every way possible, him accepting and following through on my of the wall requests. It's a lot of things.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> How does she know about these things? This is new behavior, right?
> 
> Red Flag...Not Chinese or Ruskie.
> 
> ...


This may be good advice. On the other hand she may just be asking her husband for some kinky behavior.

Many guys wish that their wives would ask for some kinky behavior.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
His wife has a somewhat unusual kink. Why is that suspicious? He doesn't need to go along with something he isn't comfortable with, but I don't see any particular cause for concern. 

Lots of people have lots of strange kinks.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

She's going to keep this up until something she asks you to do hurts her and then it won't be ok anymore. You need to draw a line as to what's ok and what's not ok. True, she could probably get someone else to do what you won't do but you can let them be the ones who have to deal with the cops.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Well, I think people get suspicious when sex has typically been bordering vanilla and one partner starts veering off in an entirely new direction. She didn't learn it from her non-kinky partner, in other words. It would be best if she said...''I was lurking on this kink website, and...'' At least that would make sense as to where the kinky ideas are coming from. But, they don't just come out of the blue, and when your partner first hears about your desires when you're in the middle of sex, that just causes that partner to wonder where you're coming up with these ideas. That's all.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> This is so true, we see it here on TAM frequently; guys wishing their wives weren't so "vanilla". Then when someone comes on here saying his wife has expressed a desire for some kink the majority of the responders find it to be suspicious behaviour...!
> 
> No wonder many wives are afraid to be honest with their husbands about their sexual desires.


Agreed.

But while I dont want my wife to be vanilla, spitting in her mouth?............. Uhh thats a little too chocolate for me I guess. :laugh:


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Learning new tricks "can" be a sign of an affair. That - along with a weekly GNO - make me want to tell you to keep your eyes open and trust your gut.

And if you aren't comfortable with the spitting, don't do it. Sounds like you've raised the stakes in other physical ways with the choking and hair pulling. If she loves you, she'll respect that.

Good luck!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
That can be true, but there are other possibilities. Some people may have kinky interests that they are afraid to share with their partners. The trigger for sharing can be something random - watching 50 shades, a comment from a friend, a random story linked on FB, or just a feeling of "ask now or never get it". 

Also, different people may have different ideas of what is or isn't kinky. There was a time when my wife enjoyed being tied up for anal sex, but though giving BJs was disgusting. I know someone who is into pretty serious BDSM, but finds anal disgusting. 

I'm personally grossed out by mixing food and sex - something many people think is fun and only very slightly kinky.


Maybe the OPs wife thinks of spitting as mild compared with things he has already done. (not something I'd want to do BTW, but to each their own).





*Deidre* said:


> Well, I think people get suspicious when sex has typically been bordering vanilla and one partner starts veering off in an entirely new direction. She didn't learn it from her non-kinky partner, in other words. It would be best if she said...''I was lurking on this kink website, and...'' At least that would make sense as to where the kinky ideas are coming from. But, they don't just come out of the blue, and when your partner first hears about your desires when you're in the middle of sex, that just causes that partner to wonder where you're coming up with these ideas. That's all.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> That can be true, but there are other possibilities. Some people may have kinky interests that they are afraid to share with their partners. The trigger for sharing can be something random - watching 50 shades, a comment from a friend, a random story linked on FB, or just a feeling of "ask now or never get it".
> 
> Also, different people may have different ideas of what is or isn't kinky. There was a time when my wife enjoyed being tied up for anal sex, but though giving BJs was disgusting. I know someone who is into pretty serious BDSM, but finds anal disgusting.
> ...


Totally understand that different people are into different things, but she should say where she got the idea from. Kind of reminds of someone who has never set foot in a gym in his/her life, then, after 20 years of marriage...you hear that they are obsessed with the gym, and they're getting a divorce. Hmmm...

If she can't share where she got the idea from, that would be the red flag, not that she's asking for something new.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

OliviaG said:


> That's another thing. I don't want my wife to be vanilla. But I don't want her to be this kinky either. I want her to be exactly what I want her to be...!
> 
> Not picking on you MoE, but this is just an observation of these kinds of conversations.
> 
> PS I think spitting would make me gag (or worse). Can't understand it. I suppose I'm too vanilla...or maybe I'm not vanilla but I'm afraid to admit it...


I'm already gagging reading this thread...

I have a spit phobia.

I don't understand the appeal at all.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I am a very alpha male. Combat squad leader, former jock and part owner of a national corporation. Yet I like to be sexually submissive. For me it is an escape from having to make all the decisions every day. As a sexual submissive, someone else is in control, but not really. The submissive has all the control. She/he allows herself or himself to be dominated and humiliated by someone else. They also can stop the action by the mere uttering of a safe word. Basically control is given to the dominant rather than taken from the submissive. BDSM 101.

I have been into BDSM for almost 50 years and know a little about it. What your wife wants is basic BDSM stuff but what is happening is that like a drug, she need more and more intense and humiliating things done because the old stuff gets boring and does not excite like it used to. I got into very extreme stuff but my wife would not go there with me. She did what all loving wives would do, she invited her dominant feminist girlfriend to dominate me in bed. She just got over a bad divorce and was not too happy with males. We were a perfect fit. She knew what my limits were without me telling her. She was also very intelligent and got into the psychological aspects of BDSM. Most people just see the physical part of BDSM and not the mental part. You can hurt your wife a lot or by the use of words and actions, make it seem that you are hurting her as much as she wants. It is a sex game.

Either you get it or you do not. I will not even try to list all the things that I did over a 50 year period. Your wife will require more and more as she gets used to the old stuff you do. As I told my wife, spitting in my mouth is no different than kissing. We exchange saliva and the only difference is the delivery method. Try some spitting into her face for added humiliation. Paddling her butt is also popular but I am not going to tell you all the things she would like. Let her tell you.

It may not be normal to you but to her it is. My wife got help from her best friend but they are both bisexual so they used to to enhance their pleasure. As I write this I am wearing a custom made chastity device on my penis and will not be allowed an orgasm for 4 more months, if I am lucky. We are now into Chastity play. It is play. It is not who we are. It is a sex game we play that we both enjoy. Approach BDSM that way. Have your wife list all the things she would like you to do to her and then find those that you are both comfortable with. Good luck.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

So, I just have one question. If she wants to be degraded, why don't you just ask her to make you a sandwich? No, don't do that. You don't want to scar your marriage for life. :laugh:

Some folks like scat and urine play. I'd rather make her a sandwich. She can get kinky and eat it in bed, if she likes. :laugh:

If you two had good communication skills, you wouldn't be here asking. Don't you think you need to work on those before you can attempt these things with confidence?

Edit: Sorry, I just realized there are two questions in this post. :laugh:


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Totally understand that different people are into different things, but she should say where she got the idea from. Kind of reminds of someone who has never set foot in a gym in his/her life, then, after 20 years of marriage...you hear that they are obsessed with the gym, and they're getting a divorce. Hmmm...
> 
> If she can't share where she got the idea from, that would be the red flag, not that she's asking for something new.


I don't get people who get off in being humiliated or degraded
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> Totally understand that different people are into different things, but she should say where she got the idea from. Kind of reminds of someone who has never set foot in a gym in his/her life, then, after 20 years of marriage...you hear that they are obsessed with the gym, and they're getting a divorce. Hmmm...
> 
> If she can't share where she got the idea from, that would be the red flag, not that she's asking for something new.


Sharing where she got the idea might be a bad idea! What if this is something she did with a previous lover? 

Some people can hear "Please do XYZ. ExBF showed me and I think it's awesome!" and be perfectly fine. Others? Not so much.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Kilgoretrout said:


> I don't get people who get off in being humiliated or degraded
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea, I like begging and being told no, that's about the extent of it. It can be fun, but I don't like pain, degrading type tactics, etc...but to each their own. 



MJJEAN said:


> Sharing where she got the idea might be a bad idea! What if this is something she did with a previous lover?
> 
> Some people can hear "Please do XYZ. ExBF showed me and I think it's awesome!" and be perfectly fine. Others? Not so much.


lol true


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Kilgoretrout said:


> I don't get people who get off in being humiliated or degraded
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



For me it's not humiliation or degradation. It's submission. Very distinct difference. 

Submission makes me feel safe and secure and desired. Submission also sets me free to just feel. When I am submissive, I am not in control or responsible for the pleasure of myself or my DH. I can just be. I can simply respond instinctively. Not to mention, it's mentally and emotionally very intense.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Some of you guys are FREAKS! Wow, no thanks to the urine and poop stuff. However, I will spit in my wife's mouth in a heartbeat. I LOVE that shet. Now you make me wanna do that shet tonight! ;-)


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

sixbravebulls said:


> Some of you guys are FREAKS! Wow, no thanks to the urine and poop stuff. However, I will spit in my wife's mouth in a heartbeat. I LOVE that shet. Now you make me wanna do that shet tonight! ;-)


If you thought I was saying I like that stuff, you got me all wrong. That's just an example of degradation that some folks like, not me.

It's disgusting to me.

However, I find it quite ironic that the very folks who would like to spit in their spouses mouth or would like their spouse to spit in their mouth, would be highly pissed if they were asked to make a damn sandwich. 

On top of it all, if you are going to participate in these things, all these questions many of you have about being fearful of what to do and/or say because you are afraid of the reaction, is even more ironic. WTF, you can't tell them where or how it came to mind, but you want to degrade yourself sexually to them? 

Something is really wrong with that. If they would think less of you for having done it with someone else or something like what you want with someone else, why in the world would you even think they wouldn't think less of you for asking them to do something degrading?

It makes no sense to me, at all. You can't change someone that much. You really don't have the right to expect the to do these things and be alright with it, if you don't know they are into them. 

I am not trying to shame anyone here. I don't think anyone is stupid or sick. Different strokes for different folks.


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## gene_vincent (Jan 10, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Dude, you need top grow a backbone. Your wife is walking ALL OVER you, according to your other post especially. And you say you don't know if you can live without her and you NEED her. This will get you nothing but heartache.
> 
> Stop this nonsense in the bedroom right now and get to the bottom of what she's up to. What have you done about the GNO she takes every week and the fact her friends 'hate' you?
> 
> ...


no. I respect her privacy and i'm just not the type to snoop around like that...

we've talked about the weekly GNO and she's agreed to go out less because it makes me uncomfortable. so far she's been true to her word she's only went out on a GNO maybe twice since I made that post

her sex drive has been very active lately, which I like :grin2:, but I'm not too sure about her increasing desire to be sexually humiliated. she reads a lot of erotic lit so that's probably where its coming from


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

GV,

Please just keep an open mind about the cheating, because it has happened quite often here that H do not want to believe their W has cheated, and they allow the affair to grow larger and larger, until it cannot be fixed.

If your W has nothing to hide you won't find one number she calls all the time on the phone bill.

Tamat


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

OliviaG said:


> I understand what you're saying, but consider this. These men who complain about vanilla sex - they married women who they were having vanilla sex with. Later, (decades later sometimes) they're complaining that they're too vanilla.
> 
> Meanwhile, if she comes up with a kink she wants to try she'd better have a good story of where she came up with it. It's just an observation.
> 
> I have a feeling that there's an awfully good reason why many wives seem to be very vanilla.


Exactly. And why degrade the reason. Especially if she is {comfortably} a role model for her family and any children. When you open the {door} a crack, the ill wind arrives with the pleasurable aroma. This is not strait-laced advice, it is common sense in a bitter sweet and chaotic world.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Women are the last wall of defense in the battle against [total collapse] of the family unit. Men are by nature, less civilized. They [still] need to be in this uncivilized world. They also need to be kept on a leash by their genetic counterparts [the ladies]. Just a thought. I fear losing our civilization. No, I am not religious, though greatly {spiritual..Yeppir}.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I agree it can see strange, as can people who enjoy pain, or being forced.

I expect that there may be a common thread of people who have been brought up to be embarrassed by their sexual desires and want to feel like they are somehow being forced into sex (which they actually enjoy). 

Maybe also if someone was taught as a child that sex is disgusting, to some extent may associate disgusting things with sex. 





Kilgoretrout said:


> I don't get people who get off in being humiliated or degraded
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

Peaf said:


> Don't wanna thread jack. For me, there's a lot of appeal. It's submissive thing, of course. I also like the sensation, the feel and taste of my man in a different way. It's simulates ejaculation in my mouth, but while we're in the midst of everything else, which is cool. There's also a sense of it being taboo I guess, because some people might think it's gross. The adventure of trying new things. There's the feeling of acceptance on a different level, me taking him in every way possible, him accepting and following through on my of the wall requests. It's a lot of things.


Interesting. If my spouse humiliated me - like said j had a small **** or something - or spit in my face, I'd feel lousy. Not judging you. Just how I'd feel
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

Kil, I don't feel like it's degrading or humiliating. I feel like it's sharing something special between my H and I. I think it's cool to be able to experience things like that, to be comfortable enough and trusting enough to share those things. 

I get that some people don't understand the dynamic and it isn't for everyone. But we enjoy it.

I agree with what some previous posters said. I think there are a lot of people who have desires that they don't express because they are afraid of being judged by their partner. 

I guess, as they say, it's a good thing there's someone for everyone!


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

Peaf said:


> Kil, I don't feel like it's degrading or humiliating. I feel like it's sharing something special between my H and I. I think it's cool to be able to experience things like that, to be comfortable enough and trusting enough to share those things.
> 
> I get that some people don't understand the dynamic and it isn't for everyone. But we enjoy it.
> 
> ...


I agree with what you're saying and didn't mean to sound judgmental because that was not my intention. I just couldn't relate for myself. I mean, even something as mild as my wife saying I had a small sick would likely throw me off my game.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## metallicaluvr (Feb 25, 2016)

your wife is AWESOME


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