# My long distance marriage...



## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Long-time refused/ My long distance marriage...*

My wife and I live in separate states bec. of circumstances that had her in July returning to the city where we're from so she could take care of her ill and aging parents. She also got a new job there.
I was supposed to move up there as well but stayed here until the house sold. It didn't.

I'm 49, she's 54. Married 14 years, dating 18 years.
First marriage for both, though she had been engaged about 10 years before we met.

It isn't going so well for her there so she's looking for jobs here and is planning to return.

We spent 3 weeks together over Christmas and a week at Tgiving and wish I could be with her more, so am looking forward to her officially moving back, which hasn't been determined yet.








She flew here in Oct. and in Nov.

During a very lonely and desperate weekend in Oct. (a week before a planned visit) I thought our marriage was ending bec. of the lack of sexual affection. 
I decided to try to improve our marriage. I mainly wanted her to let me ML with her again. It had been prob. a year since the last time.

In the process, I found we needed to restore our emotional intimacy, which we've been working on. We cuddle and kiss much more. And the sex has returned. So things are looking up.

The distance is getting to me. 
And I'm getting very lonely, so I try to call her every day. 
Since Oct., I've been saying a lot of "I love you's" and keep reminding her how am trying to be a better husband, one that wasn't as complacent as before -- that's how she described our recent years.

She's flying here in 2 weekends.​


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

The sexual intimacy is returning.

During my week with her at Thanksgiving, I clearly told her I had to have sexual intimacy. 
She got a little frustrated with me. I know I was putting some pressure on her, as I wanted to make love.... I told her, "I've been very patient with you..."

Later, I told her I would still love her even that if she wouldn't ever ML with me again. 
I also told her I could live with just the cuddling -- and the l_ongggggggggg kisses _-- but don't hold me to it (she laughed as she knows my need).

Also told her how much I miss her and am lonely as hell and nothing without her. 

When I asked her if she believes I'm _really_ trying to be a better spouse and treat and love her better, she said, _*"You want sex."*_

She didn't say that in a critical or sarcastic way, or say it in a fast way like she doesn't like what I'm doing, etc., like you know how some women talk, "..._You only want this and that!..._"

I answered her:

"Yes, that _*was*_ true at the start. 
I realized I needed more sex with you and how I miss it. 
*But now that we're more emotionally close, I know that I want you more than the sex..."* 

So things are improving on that front. We just need to be living together again.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

See?...in the eyes of alot of women all we want is sex. Everything we do is aimed at getting laid.

'Hi honey....Haven't bought you flowers for a few weeks so here'
'Thanks darling they're lovely. I'm afraid I'm 'on' at the moment'...

'Hey!..you look as if you've had a rough day, let me massage your shoulders...
'Wow, thats lovely, but I'm really tired'...

3 nights later in bed spooning watching a film.....he starts getting an erection, wife feels it..
Wife 'tuts' 'we can't even lie together watching a film without you wanting sex'...and pulls away.

How many men empathise with this? Lots I reckon. I know there are also men out there who 'reject' their wives, but they are very much in the minority.

They have total control over us.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

CR - sorry! Above doesnt help you much...!
Living apart for long periods doesnt help things atall....
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.....out of sight out of mind...

I hope you and your wife reconnect. Communication is the key....but if one side buries her (or his!) head in the sand....Ummm..bit more difficult.

Best of British luck to you!


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Appreciate the comments here, but am surprised this thread hasn't attracted more interest.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, were you looking for something specific? Any questions?

Trying to rebuild intimacy and connection when you only see each other once a month (or less) is going to be tough. Has she set a date for coming back yet? Why not?

C


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## Olivia2207 (Apr 1, 2011)

Clarence Rutherford said:


> Appreciate the comments here, but am surprised this thread hasn't attracted more interest.


My husband and I got married last summer and I had to come back to Canada to finish my studies. In the meanwhile we applied for a spousal sponsorship for him to come to Canada but it's still being processed ( it could take up to 10 months). My husband is really good to me and he's very much in love with me. But since we've been apart I feel like you that sex is missing in our lives. Long distance relationships are really hard. Sometimes I try to have sensual conversations with my husband on the phone or on the internet but it's like he doesn't know how to go along with the subject. We have a 9 yr difference gap between us so I would expect him to know these things as he's had many partners before me but he doesn't... When I confront him about him he says that he doesn't know how to treat me or talk about "this" when I'm far away. So, I totally understand your need of intimacy with your wife. Maybe you should discuss it with her... tell her how you feel and that you miss her.. Sex isn't just about sex .. You've been married a long time and she should know that you need affection more than anything else. best of luck


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Olivia2207 said:


> So, I totally understand your need of intimacy with your wife.
> 
> Maybe you should discuss it with her... tell her how you feel and that you miss her..
> 
> Sex isn't just about sex .. You've been married a long time and she should know that you need affection more than anything else. best of luck


Thanks, Olivia.
I have talked a lot about it with her, and maybe too much.
Last fall, one weekend we were together at a resort, she told me she thought I was talking "too much" about our love and sex life.
I told her we _needed _to talk about it bec. I - rather -- _ we _-- really need this and how I want to return to a more emotionally intimate marriage.

During our weekend together in late Feb., she said she thought our relationship is improving.

We didn't ML that weekend, much to my disappointment, but we did in our late March visit...
_Can't tell you how disappointed I became laying next to her on the bed, and watching the clock run out before she had to leave...._
I soooooooo wanted to express my love to her that way....

I'm going to post some updates on things that have happened between us since Christmas....


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

PBear said:


> Well, were you looking for something specific? Any questions?
> 
> Trying to rebuild intimacy and connection when you only see each other once a month (or less) is going to be tough. Has she set a date for coming back yet? Why not?
> 
> C


Advice. Help. Assistance.
Assurance.
Maybe some hand-holding.

Funny. Have posted my situation on other boards and received numerous responses, some taking me to task on some of my views...


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

I'm a military wife so I know about long distance and separations. The best thing to do is get very busy while you're apart and do your own thing. As for the intimacy, it sounds like you're working on it and making progress, so that's good. Good luck on the next visit.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Re: update*

edited... post relocated


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Returning to cuddling & emotional intimacy...*



Roooth said:


> I'm a military wife so I know about long distance and separations. The best thing to do is get very busy while you're apart and do your own thing. As for the intimacy, it sounds like you're working on it and making progress, so that's good. Good luck on the next visit.


Now that's some good advice, coming from someone with experience with this.

*****

Some more thoughts...

*Returning to cuddling & emotional intimacy...*

Until recently, we haven't regularly cuddled in YEARS.
Maybe we did cuddle here and there, but I can't really remember doing it that much.

Am making a more concerted effort to cuddle with her now, whether it leads to LM or not...

Told her I plan to cuddle with her every night.... and how that would be one of the things that would be diff. with her and I.

On the phone the other day, told her it's going to be like a diff. relationship. The driving force, I've told her, is how I want to return emotional intimacy to our marriage. Am hoping the LM follows...

Over Christmas, she told me she thought I had become "too complacent" (in the past).

Reading the *Intimacy & Desire *book, (a very good read), I see how some spouses find having sex with their partners unappealing if it comes to the point to where the other "expects" sex...

In the past, I think I had become one of those spouses who "expected" her to...

Hadn't really put any effort into romancing or wooing her.
Used to "initiate" by asking her if we could "go to bed." Yup, real appealing. Guess I had forgotten the meaning of romance.

She says she finds the cuddling and kissing very intimate... And recommended I initiate sex through that intimacy...
If it happens, it happens, but am through "asking" her.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Re: update*

A few updates here. Sorry I didn't update this sooner...
Was more active on some other boards where I got more response...
PM'd this info. to another poster, but think it needs to be in this thread.
*******

She's returned from out of state. 
We've renewed our emotional connection, and we cuddle _*every **night.*_ That's bringing us a lot closer. I can't stand not to be in her arms.

The last two nights, our cuddling led to some other things but I didn't get to go farther, like I wanted.
She fell asleep in my arms.
Tonight, however, she said it may be better to head to the bedroom sooner so she's not so tired....:smthumbup:

It looks like it's only LM on the weekends, or maybe once a week during the week (I sometimes get close, but no cigar), but that's fine. 
As long as I can express my love to her that way more than once a month... *That's a lot better than once or twice a year !!!!!*, as it had been in the past.









The other weekend night, she fell asleep in bed and said she'd awake at Midnight. She did awaken then and I... well...







The thing I picked up on is that *she wanted me to get my satisfaction*.... so that's a good sign.

Am constantly telling her romantic things, how much I missed her, how much I care for her, etc. 
Outside of the sex, which is much better now,* it's like we're dating all over again. *
Am try to treat her like I did when we dated in the 90s....
When we hold each other, I hold her so tight and hold her tighter. It's like I can't get enough of her. Don't want to let her go.....


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Update*

Here's an update:

Have ratched it up to almost once a week for the past couple of months.... on a certain weeknight, we have seemed to ML, which is okay. Maybe less, maybe more, dunno. It's hard to remember. 

But I want more.

It's been about 3 weeks since I don't know when.
Am hungry, dogwamit!!

Am getting tired (and sore) from all this MB'ing...

With all I'm going through, _*am still having more sex than when I was single*_. 
.... all of 2X through my 20s and maybe 3-4X in HS.... :scratchhead:

Methinks some religious feelings and me being too much of a "Nice Guy" in not pressing women during my mid-late 20s had an effect... 
Closing in on 50, and thinking of women I used to date..... oh.... how I wish I'd done things differently....

So maybe can look at it from that view....


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Think I've been patient, cuddling with her every night but not always pressing for intimacy.

It's hard not to let my hands wander (outside her clothes). 
_Oh, how I want to do that, _but I get the same reaction.

Have consciously tried to stop the groping, but it's hard. 
May go a day or two not trying to do so but then it's back to the old habits.
She did notice the change of me not having wandering hands, so that's good.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You two are married...why does she not want sex?


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

Lumpy-- I know how touch deprived I feel when away from my W for any significant time...have you/her read 5 Love Languages? It does a good job of explaining those who need touch as a sign of love...it might help her understand your needs better


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

that_girl said:


> You two are married...why does she not want sex?


That Girl,
That's a good question.

Methinks she has some hangups from her Catholic background. We attended her church when we dated and got married there, though we attend another denomination now.

Hope this isn't TMI, but our sex life, even before we married, was staiight vanilla. 
No oral.

If I try to do oral on her (I don't _have _to have it on me, it's just something I enjoyed giving when I was single...), she resists and I don't want her to "shut down" for the rest of the event, so I don't press her...

_Another hangup:
_ she doesn't like it when I come to bed without any shorts. 
I sometimes do that (1) bec. I should feel comfortable naked with her and (2) I kinda want her to see me that way and hope it will spark her to "initiate" or be more interested...

She's also very tired, often when she isn't stressed-out over working.

Talked her into seeing a gynecologist, and she has another visit scheduled. Hopefully, something will come out of that.


She's in her early 50s... I'm a few years younger...


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Think I've been patient, cuddling with her every night but not always pressing for intimacy.

It's hard not to let my hands wander, but I get the same reaction.
Have consciously tried to stop, but it's hard. May go a day or two not trying to touch her but then it's back to the old habits.
She did notice the change of me not having wandering hands, so that's good. 

We are doing a lot of cuddling. Almost every night.

We tell each other how much we love each other frequently in the cuddling, and I'm saying how I love her more often throughout the day.

Methinks it's something physically wrong with her. She has an appt. with a gynecologist soon.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*An update (Sept. 2011):* 
Have ratched it up to almost once a week for the past couple of months.... on a certain weeknight, we have seemed to ML, which is okay. maybe less, maybe more, dunno. It's hard to remember. But I want more.

Am hungry, dogwamit!!
Am getting tired (and sore) from all this MB'ing...

With all I'm going through, still am having more sex than when I was single. 
2X through all my 20s and maybe 3X in HS.... 

So maybe can look at it from that view....









Posted this in another thread but want to post here as not everyone has read that thread.

**********
_An update:_
Sex is painful to her. 
Learned about lubes so bought some, which we use.
However, sex remains painful and it doesn't seem like she enjoys it.

Take one time last month. I was trying to prolong things (used to be *"5 min. man'*). 
As she seemed like she wasn't enjoying it, asked if I should accelerate things.

Made me withdraw and she acted like my semen was "icky..." and was afraid of the "mess."
So clearly, I need to get her to a marriage therapist with sexual therapy skills.

Sorry if this is TMI.... but trying to present a view of what's going on.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

When we started having sex 4 mos. into our relationship, we went straight to PIV, no OS or other "sex play" or "everything...but" I had in my late 20s... 
....the kind of things I enjoyed, taking it slow, doing exploring, etc. 
Appetizers, not straight to the main course.

Have suggested many times how she could "fulfill" me in other ways. However, she's never taken me up on that offer and seems uninterested.
Maybe she fears I'd expect PIV after such "sex play." 

Want to do that stuff of course, and honestly would be content getting my release in other ways. Just want the PIV weekly, if possible.

The closest I've gotten to non-PIV acts is outercourse.
I loooooove that and it drives me crazy with new sensations have rarely experienced.
Didn't ask. Just started doing that. 

Have attempted oral on her as well, starting to kiss her down there.
Didn't "ask," just proceeded. 
But she blocks me.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Update: Dec. 2011
*I am actively trying to change things.
Takes time though and we have plans with friends this weekend plus some other non-romantic things going on which I won't go into.

This started a long time ago and won't be solved overnight.
Started this thread on another board fall of 2010, so *it's been a year*.

And no, I'm not considering leaving, though at the time I started this thread, it was something I thought about.

May feel real romantic, and in a loving mood, and may want to try some things one night but she comes home from work angry about something. 
Or finds some fault with me over a little thing.
I get tense and easily lose my temper 
(wonder why?







) and an argument ensues, so no romance that night. 
Not that it would be successful beyond cuddling...
It takes small steps.
Believe me, I am trying things.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Updated Dec. 2011:*
Success .... sort of.

For the first time in who knows how long, we engaged in lovemaking the other night.
Started with a lot of holding and cuddling on the couch and we later ended up in the MBR.

Don't want to make this graphic.... 
Had to take it slow and not go deep bec. she experiences pain. Touched a painful area so we stopped the PIV, but continued to cuddle, etc.

It hurt her so stopped.

She is going to see a gynecologist. Due to some circumstances, had seen one but wasn't able to get the follow-up.

I feel we're closer than ever now, and am hoping this will lead to some improvement.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Updated Jan. 2012:
*Methinks she has a lot of hangups with sex.
She wasn't a virgin when we met. She only had one partner years before me, a guy who later became a fiance but it ended.

She won't let me try oral on her and won't give me oral.

She did begin caressing me (lightly) the other night, so there is hope. It seems she's listening to me when I tell her she can caress me and I won't immediately deflect her.

She seems repulsed by my semen.
After we last ML, some if it leaked out of her onto the sheets. She seemed freaked-out about it.
Was kinda jarring like there was something wrong with that.

She did see a physician but now thinks she needs to see a specialist like a gynecologist. 
She had some appointments but bec. of work and all, wasn't able to get the follow-up. 
Circumstances are changing and am trying to get her to make that appointment.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

_*NOTE TO OUR READERS:*_
Have posted this info on another board. 
Posting her for background and cleaning it up, making less TMI...


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Early Feb. 2011:* 
*Some success !!!* 

Let's just say I got "lucky..."







a time or two....

If the other night is an indication (she had her hands all over me), am hoping for a great Valentines Day.









After a romantic weekend together in a resort city last month, we got closer on the return drive and later that night, she was receptive to my overtures.

She didn't even need lubrication, as she has in the past.
It was, however, after a long period of foreplay, which was fine as I enjoy that of course.

Even more significant, she began to "touch" and caress me. This is something I've recently began suggesting she do as a "substitute" for times we (she) can't do PIV.
She's only done that a couple of times in our entire marriage, and this time, it didn't take any prompting from me. So was a pleasant surprise for sure.

Noticed her body's response and just proceeded. Got no resistance.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Sexual attraction?*

*Mid-Feb. 2012:
*_Another update:_

She's called to schedule a follow-up visit to the physician/ gynecologist she saw earlier.
Have been trying to get her to do that, as I really want to return to a sexual relationship with her.

I am patient, and feel I've waited a long time.

Was out of town for one week and part of the next week, so when I returned one night, held and cuddled her.

She still deflects me when I try to caress her, but I'm trying to resist going for her chest but it's very hard to do. 

And I tell her as a woman, *even a Christian woman, *she should understand what us guys are like and how we are enchanted in the presence of a woman....
We cuddled all night, fell asleep in each others arms in bed, and I awoke and we began holding each other again.

So I think there's attraction to me ---

I've asked her, "Are you sexually attracted to me?..."
----- and I'm certain she loves me, but I just gotta get her sexually interested...
So hopefully that doctor visit will help.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Am trying to ramp it up to weekends (at least), and have told her I need that...
Could go with every other weekend, maybe 2-3X a month, but clearly, I want more...
_God, I need that...._
But it takes time, for why I have no idea as I'm a good-looking guy who tries to treat her well...


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*ALMOST had sex....*

_*Mid-Feb. update*_
We (almost) ML the other night.
(Not Valentine's)

I've been much more affectionate, and trying to hold-off touching her.
After cuddling, she didn't resist my advances.

I, however, ended it prematurely as it was a very late hour (past 11 p.m.) and she needed rest bec. of being a work night.

Told her I could stop the caressing and kissing (her shirt off) any time..... and would be happy with that as I respect her and am truly more interested in her personal needs like sleep.
She told me she'd tell me when it was enough.

Fell asleep in each others' arms.

She doesn't like me to take off my underwear until "the right time." 
Told her:
*"See !! I'm a normal guy !!!"*
So am trying to get her to "loosen up" on that kind of thing as well as there shouldn't be anything wrong with a husband wanting to remove his underwear during passionate cuddling...

Yes, I "get" this isn't "the optimum" and I truly want so much more.
Am working on that. 

She has a gynecologist appt. next month..... That's something I've long asked her to get...


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*No More Mr. Nice Guy...*

*Update... some frustrations* 
*Feb. 19:
* We are doing better, but it's slow.
We ML once in Jan. after a romantic weekend.
Then, ALMOST ML this month (Feb.).
Once two weeks ago and Valentine's Day eve.

The other night, I got VERY CLOSE, caressing and kissing her and farther.
As she had an early morning ahead, and I didn't want to "work her up" or "wear her out" as ML sometimes does to her.

So like a "gentleman," told her I would stop it here.
It was getting late.
Did the same thing Valentine's Day eve.

But.... I don't get any "acknowledgement" on that.
I tried to ML with her this past week and last night.
She's tired, falls asleep, we get at the cuddling and caressing too late in the eve., so I'm out of luck.

I express my frustration and say 
_"Look, there's no other nights for us unless Fri. and Sat., as other nights are work nights.
_I HAVE to have a sexual relationship with you...."

Told her _"Look.. I forgo'd going inside you, like I really wanted. 
I was ready, willing and able, started-up and everything... but for you, gave it up...."
_
*No More Mr. Nice Guy...*
If we get to the heavier but not PIV stuff, I'm not going to be a "gentleman" anymore.
Not going to suggest that we stop anymore.
It's clearly getting me nowhere.

I'm going to proceed ---- and not worry so much about her "feelings" or "comfort" (the late hour) as I have needs and they're not being reciprocated,

"Reciprocated" meaning her saying something like,
_"Clarence... I love you and know you want to ML with me, but as it's late, I appreciate you deferring. 
I will try to make it up to you this weekend...." _

Imagine that's how some husbands (even Christian husbands) treat their wives at that stage...
Am curious if the guys "just proceed" after that lightly sexual (but not PIV) stage?
Am not talking about rape or forcible sex, but doing what a man should do, like some posters advise guys to do (be a more "alpha male").


******************


The other afternoon, cuddling on the couch, I was wearing only a shirt and underwear, as had done some house cleaning.

Was noticeably aroused.
Tried to ***gently**** show and tell her that it's "okay" and _not immoral_ for her to caress me.
She didn't caress me, but didn't throw a scene.

Told her many couples "explore" and I "wouldn't think less of this *modest Christian woman *for doing this...."

Am trying to get her used to doing _*light sexual things* _like that.
Told her a man is as sensitive as a woman's breasts, and would really please me if she pleased me just by some touching....

Maybe the lighter stuff may have been better on both our consciences (as Christians) rather than going straight for PIV, starving as I was @30....


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Going to proceed as if I have a green light...*

Methinks me proceeding -- and _not asking her _if it's okay (the late hour, etc.) would be the best move. That was the main point of this overly long and much too descriptive post.

She requires long periods of foreplay.
The last time, the other night, we were in foreplay for about 2 hrs....

*Feb. 19:*

We were cuddling on the couch the other night. 
She suggested we go to the bedroom to "go to bed..."
Thought her expression seemed a little different as she normally isn't so enthusiastic about retiring. It wasn't that late.









Had plans to press her anyway and was going to cuddle and kiss her in bed and then make some moves.

It all went down that way and I got to the caressing stage and kept that going. 

Only took 30 min. to get her going before I was headed home... 

She does experience pain, so I have to go slow, VERY SLOW. 
I have to take it easy and control myself which is hard (naturally, want to go further), but worth it, IMO.

We've prematurely stopped in the past bec. of the pain.
Again, I don't want her in pain and always ask her how she's feeling.
*Didn't ask her that night, however, if I could proceed after the caressing stage. *
Just did it like a man's gotta do.

Am hoping to continue this happy story at least on weekends.....


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Marriage counselor....*

*Early March.*

No luck since last post, late February. Couldn't get her in the mood that weekend nor since.

This weekend, she appeared to be in an amorous mood, so thought I'd get lucky...
As I sensed, she WAS receptive and we ML.

Was a romantic day all around. We moved from cuddling on the couch to cuddling in bed.
When the time was right, "explored" her and proceeded farther...

Methinks this may relate to me telling her *we need to see a marriage counselor,* how there's distance between us and I keep getting criticized when I try to make moves on her.
Yes, my hands are all-over her but that's expected when I return from a week away.

Was out of town last week so Fri. night, sat next to her on the couch and tried to hug and hold her, and kiss her.
She tried to repel me and claimed I was too "all over her."

Sat. tried the same thing and got the same reaction.

So *flat out told her we need to see a counselor *as I'm sexually unsatisfied and need her physically.

Didn't threaten to leave, but said what is happening here isn't normal. 
Things need to change.

Told her what I'm doing is not unusual and that Christian men want to hold and cuddle and ML to their spouses, especially after they've been away from home.

She shouldn't be afraid of me, *scared of sex *and how LM is a part of a couple's lives.
Told her how much I love her, want her in my life, want to get closer to her in _all ways, _especially emotionally, and want to ML with her, the love of my life.

Told her *sex is natural, created by God for pleasure* and not only for procreation. We don't have children. 

Told her we should talk to our pastor to see if he can counsel us or ask if he knows a good Christian marriage counselor.
She refused and even said she wouldn't go to church with me, fearing I'd ask the minister IN PRIVATE for some recommendations.
Methinks she doesn't want anyone at the church knowing about our problems.

So told her I'd do a web search and try to find some counselors in our area.
Found some and read their web pages aloud to her. 
Told her I plan to call and set-up a meeting.

She got mad and said it wasn't all her. Of course, not, I'm not perfect, but still...

We cuddled that night (Sat.) and fell asleep in each other's arms. 

Told her then and before how *I want a regular sex life again *but weekends would be fine for now, with weekends being the focus as it's hard for her on work nights.
Of course, if she's not feeling well, etc., one weekend we can skip it but said I expect *regular LM *and don't want to be "judged" by her as I'm not perfect or "good enough" for her and never will be.

Said she can also pleasure me in other ways too. If she doesn't feel like vaginal sex, she could please me in other ways...

For those new to this thread, this is first marriage for both.

This month marks the 20th anniv. of our first time together, as I so (in my usual loveable and suggestive way) pointed out.









****

Sunday, in the morning, seemed open to ML that afternoon. 
She stated we might be able to do that.









Was patient in holding her and cuddling on the couch.
Suggested we move to the MBR and so was successful.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*updated...*



Clarence Rutherford said:


> _*NOTE TO OUR READERS:*_
> Have posted this info on another board.
> Posting her for background and cleaning it up, making less TMI...


It's all up to date. Sorry a lot of posts above, but wanted to "catch-up."
This is kind of like a blog.

Have seen similar blogs where the poster details his/her marriage experiences, a 30 y.o. virgin woman's experiences at dating, etc.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Re: Marriage counselor....*

edited out. duplicate.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Don't want to sound complaining here, but am surprised no one posted in this thread.
It's been over a week and not one post !!

_*No one*_ wants to take a crack at this situation?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

sounds like you're getting played. The reason she doesn't want MC is because she doesn't really want to be fixed or fix the situation. It sounds like she's content to have you provide for her needs and not have to do anything to provide for yours. You're getting table scraps.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Just read through the thread, and yes it sounds like you two need to talk to someone. Perhaps a MC, but since you mentioned God perhaps your pastor/church may have something or someone to talk to?

She may be more open to someone she feels a connection with rather than some random unknown professional.


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