# I don't know what to feel



## Susie (Aug 21, 2009)

Hi! First time ever posting in a blog so bear with me, I found this site and thank goodness I just need some help dealing and help trying to recover from this.

I am 26 and my Husband is 40 we have been married for 2 years and we met on the internet. 

Everything in our relationship was wonderful barely any arguements just the typical we live together ones, were u start to get on eachother really about nothing lasts 2 mins and then back to our loving selfs... our sex life is very good I would say 3-5 times a week expect when that time of the month comes. Really nothing to complain about we spend time together and had very good lines of communication. 

We have eachothers e-mail passwords just to eliminate any jelousy (we are both jelous) So recently I seen a email address I wasn't familiar with, that was his name. I did what anyone would do and went and checked it out. This is when it gets bad I see a woman and him have been corrisponding and the conversations ending in luv (his name) and (Her name). 

Of course he denies the email address when I comfront him, he tells me if is someone he knew before he met me, but then when i check her sender information she is from Canada (which is where we are now) and it should be USA if it was someone he met there. He says it was nothing physical and then I found an email about "Saturday Was Fun" to make matters worse it sounds like one of my friends who is married to his boss.

Long story short I can't get the answers I need out of him, I don't know if I am going crazy, we have signed up for Marriage Counciling and go next week. I just don't know how to cope and he just expects me to brush it off until the meeting. I am devisated we had a perfect marriage and I just keep going over what I could have been doing wrong to make it so he would feel like he would have to do something like this to me.


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## separation anxiety (Aug 10, 2009)

Hi Susie.

My wife was having an EA and there were alot of suspicious behavior on the internet, cell phone etc. 
Your guts are usually correct, BUT, you would be best to find out more info to be sure. Stay calm (i know its not easy) and find out for sure. 
It could be nothing, but being evasive when asked questions is a clear sign there is something to think about. Print out the email correspondence for reference. 

Be aware though, you may never get the answers you want if it is an EA.
Good luck.


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## Susie (Aug 21, 2009)

My moods come in strides one min. I am calm and cool the next min I am a reck. In response to Brighterlighter it was a secret account I didn't know about, I just stumbled apon it when I was for lack of a better term "snooping". I have confronted him with it and I guess my trust has just been so torn that I don't know what to believe. I guess I could understand if there was something wrong. 

I appreciate your advice...it's the staying calm part that is hard!


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## still reeling (Jul 17, 2009)

Susie - breath - just take a step back and breath - right now that is all you can do. Let me get this right - kind of confusing and you are upset so it is very understandable - you both have emails that you both have free access to, you were suspicous of something going on (?) and you were "snooping" around and found the other secret email account and the "secret emails" with this OW. 

I am going to tell you from personal experience that you need to go with your gut on this one and believe me the ride is not going to be an easy one. If there is nothing to hide then he should not be so evasive about these emails and having a secret email account. Are these emails dated? When did he receive them/send them? I would print them off for reference as well. They can not deny solid proof. My H was the best lier, he could look me straight in the eye, cry, hug me, loved only me - blah blah blah and never miss a beat and it was all LIES! I think the worst part of all of this is that I knew the whole time, my gut told me and I should have listened because in the end I was right the WHOLE time - that messed me up more than anything, I couln't/wouldn't trust my instincts and it tore me up - never again. 

Get to the bottom of this ASAP - I had to go 12 years before the truth of the last 12 years finally came out. 12 years I gave of never really knowing the truth, no trust, always wondering etc. This is your life, you are young, make the best of it!


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## Blane (Aug 22, 2009)

First off I would like to say that I appreciate everyone's advice to Susie on our situation...I can't say I'm sorry enough to her..I know she is extremely hurt and upset and I don't blame her...We have a wonderful relationship. She doesn't lack in any department and she asks me time and time again and I ask myself, why did I do it...To be honest I don't know...I Love Her to death...She truly means the world to me..Her and my children are the only thing that mean anything to me...I truly recognize how I screwed up...I took something genuine and tarnished it, and I have to live with myself for my horrific misdoings...I only hope that with time we can get thru this and repair what we had and make it stronger..We are scheduled to go to counseling next week, and I hope we can determine why this happened...Even though nothing physical happened with me and the other woman, I know I truly hurt her in every way imaginable...

Susie I hope soon you can really forgive me and trust me again..

I Love You..

Blane


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Some men truly are not monogamous. He may not be. And that is really sad because you sound like a great wife. 

By the way, this does not mean he doesn't love you. Really and truly. It just means that he is not faithful. That also does not mean you have to accept this since clearly you don't. 

He probably just wants the counselor there to try and help you not melt down on him as much. I do think it is mean of him to make you wait until the session to address this. 

If he is truly happy with you - sounds like he is - then he is simply most likely a guy who can't/won't be faithful. If however there was something really broken between you two that he just never told you, then maybe this is fixable.


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