# Im a guy....so i need lots of help *lol*



## Kiwi (Jan 28, 2009)

Hello all, Im writing this from little 'ole new zealand. Not exactly sure why im here but i think its all part of my healing and understanding process. At the moment my wife has said that our current relationship is over.....she has said that she loves me very much but cant be in a relationship with me. I have also attached a letter that i wrote to my wife, not to try and make her feel sorry for me or try to make everyhting right but to truely try and show it came from the heart. On a good and positive note we did have that dinner last night, we meet halfway and i had cooked dinner and packed it all up into our picnic bag and we ate dinner and a glass of wine down at the river. We even kissed and cuddled, held hands it was really nice. But she made it crystal clear that our old relationship was over. She also said that we need to grow and that each other shouldnt let each other get in the way of making decisons, i am absouletly convinced that there is no one else (but you never know and i am accepting her at her word.....well i have to, dont i) it is hard when you are not living together, but at this stage ats onlyt been a week. I still have a bit more to say but i dont want to make this into a huge story as there some stuff i have left out and if anyone can help i will tell more, really tring to stay positive and stay focused because i love my wife with all my heart. I hope some one can help, even if its a prayer and some positve energy.....every bit helps, thank you for reading this and i hope you have a good day!


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Great letter, Kiwi. I was touched by your accountability, true remorse and love you've shown in your writing. I think the key is that you also acknowledge that the current relationship is over...neither of you want to go back to that. 

Kissing and cuddling is a good sign and giving her the space she needs will also help. Your number one goal right now should be to stay the course with your changes, even through the days where you might feel discouraged.

My prayers go out to you both that you will one day be back together in a stronger marriage than ever.


----------



## Kiwi (Jan 28, 2009)

Thank you Swedish, i do love her very much. One problem is that we have been living apart as she is on a course and i have only been seeing her in the weekends, as this course is about an hour away and we decided this was best ) in hindsight it may not have been but i did not want to stand in the way of her goal. Please dont get me wrong i have really really broken her trust and i just dont know how i can rebuild it if she isnt here. Also i wonder if i gave her too much freedom? but who am i to stand in the way of her goal.thank you for listening i know you probably have to read lots of others but it was nice of you to comment


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Kiwi-

That letter apologises for something, but it doesn't say what it is. Is it a secret, or can you share?


----------



## Kiwi (Jan 28, 2009)

of course i can, basically my wife found an old email.....yes i know very stupid!!!!!!!!! but in my defense it was a olddddddd one, nothing happened, in fact cant remeber what was in it im verys sure it want bad but the fact is that i broke her trust and plus she had said it had also been a whole lot of little things and this was just the trigger. thanks for listening....it is helping


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Kiwi said:


> plus she had said it had also been a whole lot of little things and this was just the trigger.


Such as?


----------



## Kiwi (Jan 28, 2009)

well i once kissed a girl as my wife walked in, i had sent a email to a girl i didnt know .....was just joking and kidding around, but my wife didnt know that, didnt do enough little things with her, didnt listen enough, i really miss her sooooo much, she has said a few times that she really does love me but cant be in a relationship with me.....i know that there is absoultuley no-one but that still plays on my mine, try not to let it. But as she is staying away about an hour away...its really hard. We use to call up or at least text every night before we went to bed and when i last saw her (for a nice dinner) i asked her to text me when she went to bed......she hesitated (and I cant remember all the exact words) but she followed it with....thats what we use to do, now that is true, maybe there is still some light left but im trying not to clutch at straws! we are actually building a house togeather (half finished) we have no kids. Im maybe a bit old fashioned in that ....there are lots of people who have been married for 20 years plus and they had ups and downs....we cant quit! i did say to her that quitting is the easey way out, and she said she sees it as not quitting but finishing it. (silly...but i see myself as the keeper of the flame at the moment and i just have to keep trying but dont know how, the letter which i attached was just one way to show her my true feelings) on a positive note though none of us ever mentioned the D word at anytime (i made sure i didnt!) and she said she does still use my name (doesnt wear her wedding ring though) sorry this is a bit jumbled but just writing it as it spills out. I really want the love of my life back.....and not because she has gone but because i have been an idoit and this would be such a waste if it went all wrong because she is my true sole mate,wife,lover and keeper of my heart and i truely have changed. thank you for taking the time to read this, it has helped- thanks


----------



## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Kiwi,

Good luck to you friend... I know how you feel and it is very difficult to look at the situation from the "outside" I am in your shoes... But I have been separated for 3 months now and still holding out hope for a miracle. I have not yet given up hope on my marriage and family even though my wife has. You need to keep strong... Dont text her for a few days let her begin to miss you and wonder what you may be up to.. Right now it seems as if she knows that you will be there no matter what happens. You have to give her the impression that she can lose you and any moment if she keeps this up. You need to make her miss you
by not being there for her. I have tried this in my situation and it hasnt worked but your still early on in the process.. I have confessed my undying love to my wife over and over in the past 3 months and its gotten me knowhere... So take some advice make yourself scarce for a few days get her thinking about what your doing.. if she does call or text make it quick like you have someplace to be... The mind is a powerfull thing make her think about you...

Good luck to you Friend... I said a prayer for you and yours...

Skin...


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Kiwi-

What about your complaints? All I'm getting form you is rose-tinted spectacles. Let's hear the other side of the story. By the way, if you want to get her back, the fastest way is to stop calling and texting her. Let her build up a hunger for you. She does not need any help to build up a hunger, she just needs to feel her own vacuum.


----------



## Kiwi (Jan 28, 2009)

thank you skinman, youve helped you too marktwain. i dont call or text her. just wait and see.....thanks guys


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Kiwi-

If you can't articulate your complaints about her, even to yourself, your relationship is not likely to work over the long term.


----------



## Kiwi (Jan 28, 2009)

sorry....Mark, not exactly sure what you mean?????


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You are making it sound like you are the only one at fault, or that has any faults. Let's hear the other side!


----------



## Kiwi (Jan 28, 2009)

right! got ya!....hehehe it might be hard because im not sure she has many! though about a week ago she brought a $800 camera for the cousre she is doing....and never told me about it! when i asked her about it.....she said she was sorry and that she should of told me about it.....not only that, she maybe going to Canada for 6 months without me, though she has said on a number of times that she does really love me. We did share a great moment last week when we were togeather and had a hot choclate and had a curry....we just talked about nothing in particular and for two hours!!!! plus we are in the process of building a house which is shortly to be finished


----------

