# It is starting to really wear on me



## Oasis (Nov 20, 2011)

Hi all. I have been married to my wife for two years. We have both been married before and we bring a total of 5 kids 1 to 9 years old together as a family. My wife is young and I am older but very healthy. We have known each other for years but know that we are right together after having "weeded out" the bad relationships from the past while the person we should have been with was right there all the time. We have one problem that is starting to get worse and worse, at least for me. 
She doesn't want sex. She is a sweetheart and has sex with me often when I want to. The problem I am having is that I can't get over the fact that she never wants to "jump my bones" when I walk in the door or initiates anything. She had a strong sex drive in the past with other guys and reports that it started to decrease during the last couple years with her last boyfriend who was abusive. Up until a year ago I was in great shape and was teaching a weight training class at a gym. Now I have started to let myself go because, not even the six pack and rock hard pecs seemed to budge her hormones one bit. It is hard to put all that work into being fit when the one you want to impress doesn't care anyway. 
I am between a rock and a hard place. I feel like dirt knowing she could go the rest of our lives without having sex with me. Then when we do have sex I feel like dirt because I know she just did it because I wanted it. Frankly that takes the sharing and intimacy part out of the whole equation and those are the best parts! A guy wants to know that he can send his woman to the moon and back once in a while. With her there is not a thing I can do to get her going and I have the skills. They just don't faze her at all. 
I am bitter that she was so into sex with past guys but not me now. I am starting to feel very unattractive and unable to please her in bed (i have always gotten rave reviews in the past not bragging just the truth) and have even started to take less care of myself (I don't workout like I used to, I don't eat like I should, etc.) Now I am having troubles feeling as close to her as I should. She says I am her world and she loves me more than she ever thought possible but there is something missing and I don't know how to deal with it. She tells me she is listening to me when I try to talk to her about this but I don't see anything happening. I don't think she gets what I keep trying to explain to her. I just want to be as close to her as possible, I want her to want that, and I want to be able to rock her world. Right now, it's like we are just roommates who have low key sex once in a while. What the heck do I do? I want this to be forever but I already feel myself drifting into the mental land of despair and the feeling that I have been relegated into a buddy who is helping to raise her kids.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Oasis said:


> Hi all. I have been married to my wife for two years. We have both been married before and we bring a total of 5 kids 1 to 9 years old together as a family. My wife is young and I am older but very healthy. We have known each other for years but know that we are right together after having "weeded out" the bad relationships from the past while the person we should have been with was right there all the time. We have one problem that is starting to get worse and worse, at least for me.
> She doesn't want sex. She is a sweetheart and has sex with me often when I want to. The problem I am having is that I can't get over the fact that she never wants to "jump my bones" when I walk in the door or initiates anything. She had a strong sex drive in the past with other guys and reports that it started to decrease during the last couple years with her last boyfriend who was abusive. Up until a year ago I was in great shape and was teaching a weight training class at a gym. Now I have started to let myself go because, not even the six pack and rock hard pecs seemed to budge her hormones one bit. It is hard to put all that work into being fit when the one you want to impress doesn't care anyway.
> I am between a rock and a hard place. I feel like dirt knowing she could go the rest of our lives without having sex with me. Then when we do have sex I feel like dirt because I know she just did it because I wanted it. Frankly that takes the sharing and intimacy part out of the whole equation and those are the best parts! A guy wants to know that he can send his woman to the moon and back once in a while. With her there is not a thing I can do to get her going and I have the skills. They just don't faze her at all.
> I am bitter that she was so into sex with past guys but not me now. I am starting to feel very unattractive and unable to please her in bed (i have always gotten rave reviews in the past not bragging just the truth) and have even started to take less care of myself (I don't workout like I used to, I don't eat like I should, etc.) Now I am having troubles feeling as close to her as I should. She says I am her world and she loves me more than she ever thought possible but there is something missing and I don't know how to deal with it. She tells me she is listening to me when I try to talk to her about this but I don't see anything happening. I don't think she gets what I keep trying to explain to her. I just want to be as close to her as possible, I want her to want that, and I want to be able to rock her world. Right now, it's like we are just roommates who have low key sex once in a while. What the heck do I do? I want this to be forever but I already feel myself drifting into the mental land of despair and the feeling that I have been relegated into a buddy who is helping to raise her kids.


Welcome to my world...

In researching you probably need to step up your game in getting her in the mood mentally. For women sex is all in their mind and if you concentrate on the physical act so much you tend to miss that point. They need the "emotional connection" I'm pretty sur in your case she doesn't feel emotionally connected. Hence low key infrequent sex.

You need to get her to feel emotionally close and secure so that she feels a strong desire to bond with you physically and emotionally. When this occurs she orgasms much stronger thus building a desire in for you sexually. Pull her towards you.

It all starts in their mind....the physical act is way down the list. No amount of physical technique can trump getting into her mind emotionally.

Just my 2 cents. Hope it gives you new perspective.
At least you are having sex... I'm still recovering fro ILYNILWY so its harder.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Oasis said:


> Hi all. I have been married to my wife for two years. We have both been married before and we bring a total of 5 kids 1 to 9 years old together as a family. My wife is young and I am older but very healthy. We have known each other for years but know that we are right together after having "weeded out" the bad relationships from the past while the person we should have been with was right there all the time. We have one problem that is starting to get worse and worse, at least for me.
> She doesn't want sex. She is a sweetheart and has sex with me often when I want to. The problem I am having is that I can't get over the fact that she never wants to "jump my bones" when I walk in the door or initiates anything. She had a strong sex drive in the past with other guys and reports that it started to decrease during the last couple years with her last boyfriend who was abusive. Up until a year ago I was in great shape and was teaching a weight training class at a gym. Now I have started to let myself go because, not even the six pack and rock hard pecs seemed to budge her hormones one bit. It is hard to put all that work into being fit when the one you want to impress doesn't care anyway.
> I am between a rock and a hard place. I feel like dirt knowing she could go the rest of our lives without having sex with me. Then when we do have sex I feel like dirt because I know she just did it because I wanted it. Frankly that takes the sharing and intimacy part out of the whole equation and those are the best parts! A guy wants to know that he can send his woman to the moon and back once in a while. With her there is not a thing I can do to get her going and I have the skills. They just don't faze her at all.
> I am bitter that she was so into sex with past guys but not me now. I am starting to feel very unattractive and unable to please her in bed (i have always gotten rave reviews in the past not bragging just the truth) and have even started to take less care of myself (I don't workout like I used to, I don't eat like I should, etc.) Now I am having troubles feeling as close to her as I should. She says I am her world and she loves me more than she ever thought possible but there is something missing and I don't know how to deal with it. She tells me she is listening to me when I try to talk to her about this but I don't see anything happening. I don't think she gets what I keep trying to explain to her. I just want to be as close to her as possible, I want her to want that, and I want to be able to rock her world. Right now, it's like we are just roommates who have low key sex once in a while. What the heck do I do? I want this to be forever but I already feel myself drifting into the mental land of despair and the feeling that I have been relegated into a buddy who is helping to raise her kids.


Welcome to my world...

In researching you probably need to step up your game in getting her in the mood mentally. For women sex is all in their mind and if you concentrate on the physical act so much you tend to miss that point.

You need to get her to feel emotionally close and secure so that she feels a strong desire to bond with you physically and emotionally. When this occurs she orgasms much stronger thus building a desire in for you sexually.

It all starts in their mind....the physical act is way down the list. No amount of physical technique can trump getting into her mind emotionally.

Just my 2 cents. Hope it gives you new perspective.
At least you are having sex... I'm still recovering fro ILYNILWY so its harder. But I'll give you the benefit of two years of research.

Google calle zorro lots of free stuff. His paid stuff is worth it also


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## Oasis (Nov 20, 2011)

Thank you for your very thoughtful response. That is what I would think also but, none of that works. She is a wonderful and affectionate person but just doesn't respond like a "normal" woman...to anything. I know that foreplay can start hours, even days earlier and can actually be a constant part of a relationship. None of that makes it happen for us. I can even touch her in all the right ways in all the right areas and no normal physical response. She has seen a doctor but maybe that doctor didn't check her hormones. She is happy to make me happy so it is not an unpleasant experience but there is just something missing. I don't know about other guys but my thing, the thing that does it for me is when I can help her do her thing over and over. Just not happening here. BTW what is ILYNILWY.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

ILYNILWY= I love you but not in love with you.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Has she always been like this from the very beginning?

And, those five kids aged 1 - 9, do they all live with you? Is she taking care of them all day every day?

Is she still breastfeeding the youngest?

Is she on any kind of hormonal birth control or anti-depressants?


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