# lies and corruption



## beardedinlair (Jun 20, 2010)

i just wish she would come back. but she isn't...
she cleared my account in october, 1300 dollars. then she told welfare she was getting non support from me, and i never see the child.
lies.
child support has a case on me now. i told them i had printouts of the bank statements, and they said unless it says 'for child support' on it, they didn't care. 
i hurt so much, i'm calling suicide prevention hotline every night.


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## beardedinlair (Jun 20, 2010)

there is much more, of course.
she is going on a date with another man tomorrow, and my 9 year old daughter told me she was going also.
it is going to be hard.
i just can't believe this is real. i keep waiting for her to come home.


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## helpplease (May 20, 2010)

I feel what you feel. Mine is at this point, a very cordial divorce. Everything agreed, and since we both make equal money, support is a non issue.
I too felt all the horrific emotions you are going through. I felt so bad every day for weeks on end that I never thought things will get better for myself. 
I got through what I would call the worst emotional times thus far and now will be moving on to more pain, only different.
Hang in there and feel free to keep talking, its the only thing that will keep you from going over the edge.


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## beardedinlair (Jun 20, 2010)

she just says "No" to anything i ask her to do. no discussion. just no, and she wishes i would stop asking.
i feel if i give her space and time she will be with someone else. i honestly don't feel i did anything to deserve this. she thought i committed adultery five years ago. with a lesbian. half my age.
i could not convince her we were only friends.
she has been unfaithful since. and i think she believes me now about the lesbian. so she either has to face the idea that she did wrong and own up to it, or she has to reject the entire relationship with me. this is only guesswork on my part, trying to understand.
she also said for a long time that i was 'emotionally abusive'. this was hard to hear, so i started telling her everytime she was in fact, abusive. when she insulted me, or tried using bullying tactics to get her way.
she stopped calling me abusive, but i think it helped drive her away. she has a high sense of what she feels she is entitled to, emotionally or otherwise. this child support thing is part of it. she feels i owe her child support even if i am keeping my daughter half the time.


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## beardedinlair (Jun 20, 2010)

i feel sick at what i did tonight. i lost control.
she came over to talk about 'potential chances' she would give me in the future. but what actually happened is she came over to yell at me, be angry with me, and put me down in various ways.
i slapped her.
it was not right, even tho it was only a slight tap, no marks, i bet she barely felt it, but not the point. i should not have put my hands on her and i will feel the repercussions of this for the rest of my life.
still. i have closure now. there is no getting back from this, so at least i know it is truly over and i have nothing to hold onto.
and, she totally deserved it.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

no she didn't deserve it, nobody ever deserves to be slapped...you know that otherwise you wouldn't have stated "I feel sick at what I did tonight..."

I wish the best of luck for you, but get help, seek out counseling...regardless of what happens in your marriage, your child needs you as a parent!!!


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## beardedinlair (Jun 20, 2010)

yeah, it was wrong. but now i totally have the closure i need. my denial and grief stages are over, and i dont even care she is dating now. i know there is no way she is coming back after that.
my advise to all people holding on unreasonably, is not domestic violence or anything like i did.
but you do have to find your closure. you have to find a way to accept she isn't coming back, and that means taking charge in some way.
what i did was wrong. but i feel free and clear for the first time since she committed adultery. does unjustified adultery deserve a slap? i don't know. i didn't hurt her, i barely touched her. it was the point of the thing. and she got the point.


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