# Why do men cheat on their wives??



## CHammond (Jan 27, 2013)

With this question being one that is pretty common, I figured I would ask anyways: *What is the real reason why men cheat on their wives??*:scratchhead:

It's something that my co-workers and I have discussed, and it seems to come as an unpleasant surprise for women and really bothers me, as a man, to think that someone would go through all of the planning and manipulating just to cheat and possibly ruin future relationships with other family members, especially the kids.

Not to mention, wedding plans can be a hassle and when two people decide to get married, you would think that they would be willing to make a sacrifice. Anyone can have sexual thoughts about someone other than their spouse, but to act on those thoughts is a whole different thing.

To actually cheat takes guts, and also means that the person doesn't care about whether the marriage succeeds or not. 

I talked to one of my co-workers and she said that she read something called The Finders Formula and it basically told her that anyone involved in a relationship, married or not, has to get used to re-inventing the wheel. She said that that was one of the elements every woman has to know how to implement.

I would think that re-inventing the wheel would actually be the man's job, but it could be something that has to be mutual.

I don't really know. What do you think?

There comes a time where every person (not just men) should ask , _"Is it really worth it_??"


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

The same reason women cheat on their husbands:

1- feeling of being unfulfilled in the marriage
2- falling in love/lust with someone else and being allowed to be seduced or actively seducing

Both of those are based on one. single. thing. 

*S E L F I S H N E S S *


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Why do some people steal, lie, or shirk their duties? Their desires outweigh their principles.


----------



## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Lack of sex is a reason I hear a lot. I would NEVER cheat but would try to improve the situation and if I can't, then leave her. However, it's absolutely soul crashing to be married and be going without sex for months (or, God forbid) years on end. It's not a justification, but a reason or cause (if that makes any sense).


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

To me there are many reasons that someone could have an affair. I don't think any of them are mutually exclusive to just men. 
Personally I have never had an affair, but if I were to, and I have thought about it and had the opportunity (couldn't do it though); it would be because I want to be with someone I am physically attracted to. I want to have someone who is hot.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What do you mean by "reinventing the wheel"?


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

CHammond said:


> To actually cheat takes guts, and also means that the person doesn't care about whether the marriage succeeds or not.


I disagree with that. I don't think it takes guts to cheat. Cheating is the easy way out. It takes guts to end a marriage. It takes to stand up to pressure to remain married. It takes guts to have very difficult conversations with your spouse about long-standing marital conflicts. It takes guts to resolve old resentments.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Intending to end a marriage looks like hiring a lawyer and filing papers. It doesn't look like sneaking around having sex. It does require a healthy dose of risk-taking and at least a smidge of narcissism to believe you are slick enough to have a marriage and something on the side, too.


----------



## Sigma Uber Alles (Oct 15, 2012)

All people who cheat, male or female, do so because they lack integrity and focus on self to the exclusion of all else.


----------



## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

I agree with coffee. It is easier to hide behind the fact you are unhappy and find someone who will make you happy since that person is too afraid or unwilling to confront your spouse. It is so important to communicate your feelings even if that means hurting them. Having an affair would seem to complicate the situation even more as you are adding someone else into a relationship they should not be a part of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Humans are not designed for monogamy and the male is designed to spread his seed, he gets little out of monogamy in comparison to the female. For an individual however to enter a monogamous relationship and cheat that requires a degree of narcissism, hedonism and impulse.

Also in before equality police.


----------



## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> I disagree with that. I don't think it takes guts to cheat. Cheating is the easy way out. It takes guts to end a marriage. It takes to stand up to pressure to remain married. It takes guts to have very difficult conversations with your spouse about long-standing marital conflicts. It takes guts to resolve old resentments.


:iagree:

People cheat because they want to have their cake and eat it too. I could never bring myself to cheat, I'd feel way too guilty about it.


----------



## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Also remember, most cheaters think...THEY WON'T GET CAUGHT!!

So lack of love, sex, ect is MOSTLY BS! It feels good for the moment, they think they will get away with it: Selfish!


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Coffee Amore said:


> I disagree with that. I don't think it takes guts to cheat. Cheating is the easy way out. It takes guts to end a marriage. It takes to stand up to pressure to remain married. It takes guts to have very difficult conversations with your spouse about long-standing marital conflicts. It takes guts to resolve old resentments.


As someone who cheated on his spouse, I fully agree with this. It was MUCH harder to sit with my wife and try to work out the issues before finally telling her the marriage was over and then having to tell the kids than it was to cheat. Cheating was easy and exciting. Ripping up 18 years of marriage and uprooting people's lives is hard.

In my case, I decided to cheat because I felt I wasn't getting my needs met in my marriage, but I wasn't willing to end the marriage yet, mostly because of the children. So I thought that if I could get my needs met outside my marriage, I could stay until the kids were out of the house. In the end, that theory lasted about a month before I realized how totally unreasonable/stupid it was, and I ended my marriage. So the end result was the same, except I lost my integrity along the way.

C


----------



## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

I guess for the same reasons as women cheat on their husbands: lack of affection and love, respect, routine, resentment, open marriage, bad or non existent communication between the couple... All these (and more) can erode a relationship. That is why a couple should always work and prioritize their relationship and their needs. Happy husband and wife, very often translates in a happy and healthy family.


----------



## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

PBear said:


> As someone who cheated on his spouse, I fully agree with this. It was MUCH harder to sit with my wife and try to work out the issues before finally telling her the marriage was over and then having to tell the kids than it was to cheat. Cheating was easy and exciting. Ripping up 18 years of marriage and uprooting people's lives is hard.
> 
> In my case, I decided to cheat because I felt I wasn't getting my needs met in my marriage, but I wasn't willing to end the marriage yet, mostly because of the children. So I thought that if I could get my needs met outside my marriage, I could stay until the kids were out of the house. In the end, that theory lasted about a month before I realized how totally unreasonable/stupid it was, and I ended my marriage. So the end result was the same, except I lost my integrity along the way.
> 
> C



Thank you for your honesty, but I need to ask: Was the cheating worth it?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Memento said:


> Thank you for your honesty, but I need to ask: Was the cheating worth it?


Oh, god no! If I had a time machine and could only do one thing, it would be to go back and not cheat; to just end my marriage then.

And my wife never even found out, so our subsequent separation has been relatively amicable and the kids have handled it well. It would have been many times worse if that wasn't the case.

C


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Goldmember357 said:


> Humans are not designed for monogamy and the male is designed to spread his seed, he gets little out of monogamy in comparison to the female.


Yeah right! That would be true if there were 10 women to 1 men and the birth control pill hadn't been invented. Spreading a seed that will not grow. That's the dream.


----------



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

For me, personally, I have kids so cheating will never be an option. Even if I didnt, i'm not wired that way. I'm eternally faithful through good and bad.

That being said....Most men cheat for the same reasons women do. No sex at home, no attention, no respect or appreciation from your wife. Of course some men are just *****s who just cant control themselves and will have sex with anything thats interested.

As far as my first point, have you ever noticed that most people who cheat usually cheat with someone who is no where near as good looking as their spouse? I always thought if you would cheat, move up. Most people move down.


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

CHammond said:


> It's something that my co-workers and I have discussed, and it seems to come as an unpleasant surprise for women and really bothers me, as a man, to think that someone would go through all of the planning and manipulating just to cheat and possibly ruin future relationships with other family members, especially the kids.


I feel bad for you if you've never experienced emotions that powerful. My gf had to lie to her parents so she could be with her first boyfriend. Her parents are the extreme religious types who think all women should be lesbians, so they were against her attraction to boys. Dating was behind her parents back, and sex was behind her parents back. If they ever found out about that, they would have freaked and kicked her out of the house. She felt it was worth following her heart and risking everything. That was many years ago, and she still feels she did the right thing. You can't let sucky people hold you down forever.



> To actually cheat takes guts, and also means that the person doesn't care about whether the marriage succeeds or not.


Either that or they genuinely don't think they're doing anything wrong. People casually lie about all kinds of things just to avoid judgement. How many people are into kinky sex but pretend they're not? Same deal with cheating. If you don't think bonding with other humans is wrong, then you'll do it and lie about it like it's not a big deal.



> That being said....Most men cheat for the same reasons women do. No sex at home, no attention, no respect or appreciation from your wife. Of course some men are just *****s who just cant control themselves and will have sex with anything thats interested.


Low self esteem is a dangerous thing. If a man or woman has low self esteem, they'll respond to anyone who shows interest. "omg this guy thinks I'm awesome! This is so rare! Let's see where this goes!"


----------



## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Men are hard-wired to impregnate physically attractive women. Women are hard-wired to get impregnated by dominant men with a lot of resources.

It's all about what's best for making babies. Physically attractive women make good babies. Dominant men provide good protection and resources for those babies. Survival of the fittest.

Whether we realize it or not, we're driven by our own biology. Social constructs like marriage attempt to control human behavior but don't have the same power that our biology does, especially in socially liberal times like these.


----------



## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Viseral said:


> Men are hard-wired to impregnate physically attractive women. Women are hard-wired to get impregnated by dominant men with a lot of resources.
> 
> It's all about what's best for making babies. Physically attractive women make good babies. Dominant men provide good protection and resources for those babies. Survival of the fittest.
> 
> Whether we realize it or not, we're driven by our own biology. Social constructs like marriage attempt to control human behavior but don't have the same power that our biology does, especially in socially liberal times like these.


Yes, that is true. But we also have something that sets us (well, some of us!) aside of from animals, intelligence and self control.


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Memento said:


> Yes, that is true. But we also have something that sets us (well, some of us!) aside of from animals, *intelligence and self control*.


Work in retail for a while then get back to us.


----------

