# need opinions long but please read I need this



## james53sj (Sep 3, 2018)

*Help said long but please read all I'm desperate.*

I'll try to leave this short. girl has a ****ty past...but so do I and I'm faithful to her. she is into women and I enjoy girl on girl

so she set guidelines if another couple present and we are messing around she doesnt touch the guy and I dont touch other girl. basically the guys watch the girls do their thing. well fast forward my best friend and his girlfriend come to our house. we all hang out a few times. and I say to my ol lady you have a crush on him she denied it all together. either way I trusted them both especially her cause she seems crazy about me, and they both said nothing like that would ever happen. he admitted to being attracted to her but it was no big deal...well we are hanging out couple months before mine and her wedding. drinking involved. and friend mentions us watching girl on girl thing I said yeah. and went to garage. then wife comes out and asks me if we can swing and just swap off. 

I told her I really dont know how I feel about that. I've tried before and it was to uncomfortable. and I was so appalled that she would even ask that and suggest I screw another girl. she gets jealous of a girl takes a second look. so I said I dont know and went outside. came back and talked to her and she just kept on and on about it so I agreed frustratingly. then friend asked me and i said yeah sure that's fine. but he knew I was uncomfortable cause he asked are you sure several times...I trusted my wife and even though she asked I figured she would have thought about it and saw my unsureness in this and qouldnt take the chance. so it's all happening wide starts with other girl then comes to me...I'm uncomfortable so I cant get it up then she says well i dont care who it is I want a ****...I stood in the corner and she looked at me while getting ****ed...friends girl came over tried to suck my **** I pushed her off said I cant and left. girl comes out and gets mad, and shes mad that we didn't DP her and just quits talking to me and we lay on living room floor. 

so after all this I pushed her and my friend away. they both told me there would never be anything like that and both kept begging even though they saw I was unsure and appalled. so me and friend reconnect girl and I stayed together shes away planning wedding we hang out a bit. talk about it she gets pissed we are hanging out. why? I questioned her on why she would even ask me that....why she broke her own boundaries...how she felt...and everything. we had big fight said I couldn't get it up she wanted sick and she was messed up and didn't remember asking that..said a **** is just a **** but tried to leave me for texting a girl once said that was way worse than actually ****ing another man...and she said that I agreed to it. to which I replied yes that's true but I didn't agree at first and that should have been enough to make you realize I was unsure and leave it alone...and that she should have never asked in the first place if I was truly all she wanted in that way...and ot was easy for her to just jump to him and forget me...but she kept blaming me cause I couldn't get hard. night before wedding we have huge fight. she says shes sorry for asking and sorry for ****ing him

she always said I dont remember even having sex or asking you to do that. she said I was messed up (which she was) so we move on. but her counter argument was when we first got together I was torn between her and my ex I texted my ex cause I still loved her we talked a couple days and I agreed to leave my now wife. but when my wife saw the texts she said cut it off or I'll leave I chose her. but she said that was cheating to which i agree but she said because I loved her it was way worse that her just ****ing my best friend. again sex is just sex. so night before wedding we have big fight I try to prove a point I text my buddy and she ask to go through my phone. cause she was saying i should trust her still that it's not right to lose trust over that. 

I'm texting my buddy not giving her phone and it is reading her apart...then she starts saying I was lying and cheated on her for revenge...but I didn't...and she didnt believe me. I said sec is just sec so I asked her best friend right in front of her if I could **** her. which obviously wasnt gun a happen but later she told me she would have been furious because that's her best friend but it's okay to **** mine? all I want is for her to stop acting like it wasnt a big deal and for her to stop justifying it...and saying she did nothing wrong..because if I did that she would have left me


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## james53sj (Sep 3, 2018)

I fixed your post above and included the extra text. Please use paragraphs and sentences. People have a hard time reading walls of text.


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## james53sj (Sep 3, 2018)

*am I wrong to think this.*

so was out of town working wife went to friends house it's just those two. both females. they used to go out and mess around with guys and what not together like younger girls do. well they are drinking and invite my wifes cousin over(not by blood, distant cousin by marriage) the 3 get drunk wifes friend sits on couch and cousin is messing with her but it goes nowhere at this time my wife says she was in bathroom getting sick then he came in helped her to the bed. then she said he raped her but she didnt remember that part...but first time she told me she said she was yelling no and fighting but then passed out...story change. anyhow she said the next day she was hurting and everything. well she waited a long time to tell me about it. then I asked if it may have been consensual and she got furious. and was upset and crying and said I was an ******* this and that.. but she wouldnt press charges they are still friends on facebook she wouldnt tell me his name for a while...she told her dad and he called this cousin and nothing ever came of it and I never heard anything about it. but her dad is the type to do something for sure...I think...well another thing happened and we had a 4 way she asked me to swap which we agreed we wouldnt do. and I didnt stree st first but finally gave in to see if she would really go through with it...and she said I dont remember having sex with another man dont remember asking me to do that...sounds convenient to remember everything but that stuff...and what's messed up is if I would have asked her that she would have freaked out on me. but she said since I never really said no and and I couldn't get it up that night she went through with it and it was all fine. and she was messed up so it's alright...but she accuses me of cheating all the time. and I have never touched any other woman. what's goin pn here?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

james53sj said:


> I'll try to leave this short. girl has a ****ty past...but so do I and I'm faithful to her. she is into women and I enjoy girl on girl
> so she set guidelines if another couple present and we are messing around she doesnt touch the guy and I dont touch other girl. basically the guys watch the girls do their thing. well fast forward my best friend and his girlfriend come to our house. we all hang out a few times. and I say to my ol lady you have a crush on him she denied it all together. either way I trusted them both especially her cause she seems crazy about me, and they both said nothing like that would ever happen. he admitted to being attracted to her but it was no big deal...well we are hanging out couple months before mine and her wedding. drinking involved. and friend mentions us watching girl on girl thing I said yeah. and went to garage. then wife comes out and asks me if we can swing and just swap off. I told her I really dont know how I feel about that. I've tried before (before her)and it was to uncomfortable. and I was so appalled that she would even ask that and suggest I screw another girl. she gets jealous of a girl takes a second look at me goes through my phone constantly and anytime I go out alone she thinks I'm messing around on her. so I said I dont know and went outside. came back and talked to her and she just kept on and on about it so I agreed frustratingly (and honestly to see how it played out, how far she would go) then friend asked me and i said yeah sure that's fine. but he knew I was uncomfortable cause he asked are you sure several times...I trusted my wife and even though she asked I figured she would have thought about it and saw my unsureness (and the fact we were soon getting married) in this and wouldnt do it she was in my position in a 3 way before with an ex of eight years and same stuff happened to her and she left him over it so she knows how messed up it can be. so it's all happening wife starts with other girl then comes to me...I'm uncomfortable so I cant get it up then wife says well i dont care who it is I want a ****...I stood in the corner and she looked at me while getting ****ed she told other girl to suck my ****..friends girl came over tried to suck my **** I pushed her off said I cant and left. my girl comes out and gets mad, and shes mad that we didn't DP her and frustrated and said "so your just gunna hold this over my head" and just quits talking to me and we lay on living room floor. so after all this I pushed her and my friend away. they both told me there would never be anything like that wife said she never desired another man (ehich I know is untrue its human nature) but that i was all she wanted and both kept begging even though they saw I was unsure and appalled. so me and friend reconnect girl and I stayed together shes away planning wedding we hang out a bit. talk about it she gets pissed we are hanging out. why? I questioned her on why she would even ask me that....why she broke her own boundaries...how she felt...and everything. we had big fight said I couldn't get it up she wanted sick and she was messed up and didn't remember asking that..said sex is just sex. like it was no big deal. and she said that I agreed to it so I couldn't be upset. to which I replied yes that's true but I didn't agree at first and that should have been enough to make you realize I was unsure and leave it alone...and that she should have never asked in the first place if I was truly all she wanted in that way...and ot was easy for her to just jump to him and forget me...but she kept blaming me cause I couldn't get hard. and night before wedding we have huge fight. she says shes sorry for asking and sorry for ****ing him. she always said I dont remember even having sex or asking you to do that. she said I was messed up (which she was) so we move on. but her counter argument was when we first got together I was torn between her and my ex I texted my ex cause I still loved her we talked a couple days and I agreed to leave my now wife. but when my wife saw the texts she said cut it off or I'll leave I chose her. but she said that was cheating to which i agree but she said because I loved her it was way worse that her just ****ing my best friend. again sex is just sex. so night before wedding we have big fight I try to prove a point I text my buddy and she ask to go through my phone. cause she was saying i should trust her still that it's not right to lose trust over that. I'm texting my buddy not giving her phone and it is reading her apart...then she starts saying I was lying and cheated on her for revenge...but I didn't...and she didnt believe me. I said sec is just sec so I asked her best friend right in front of her if I could **** her. which obviously wasnt gun a happen but later she told me she would have been furious because that's her best friend but it's okay to **** mine? all I want is for her to stop acting like it wasnt a big deal and for her to stop justifying it...and saying she did nothing wrong..because if I did that she would have left me


Well, you asked for opinions.

Rude, belittling, off topic response removed by admin.


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## james53sj (Sep 3, 2018)

duly noted. sorry for wasting your time. its eating me alive not worried about grammar.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*



james53sj said:


> so was out of town working wife went to friends house it's just those two. both females. they used to go out and mess around with guys and what not together like younger girls do. well they are drinking and invite my wifes cousin over(not by blood, distant cousin by marriage) the 3 get drunk wifes friend sits on couch and cousin is messing with her but it goes nowhere at this time my wife says she was in bathroom getting sick then he came in helped her to the bed. then she said he raped her but she didnt remember that part...but first time she told me she said she was yelling no and fighting but then passed out...story change. anyhow she said the next day she was hurting and everything. well she waited a long time to tell me about it. then I asked if it may have been consensual and she got furious. and was upset and crying and said I was an ******* this and that.. but she wouldnt press charges they are still friends on facebook she wouldnt tell me his name for a while...she told her dad and he called this cousin and nothing ever came of it and I never heard anything about it. but her dad is the type to do something for sure...I think...well another thing happened and we had a 4 way she asked me to swap which we agreed we wouldnt do. and I didnt stree st first but finally gave in to see if she would really go through with it...and she said I dont remember having sex with another man dont remember asking me to do that...sounds convenient to remember everything but that stuff...and what's messed up is if I would have asked her that she would have freaked out on me. but she said since I never really said no and and I couldn't get it up that night she went through with it and it was all fine. and she was messed up so it's alright...but she accuses me of cheating all the time. and I have never touched any other woman. what's goin pn here?


Who the hell was watching the double-wide while all this drunken incest and tomfoolery was taking place?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*

The thing is....

It might, it could be true.

Stories based on Truth, not True Grit, not True Grift.

Only the spelling is adrift, a-kilter.

A double wide setting, a double wide story.
Two..

A couple of Hedonists. Well, one, the other not participating, other then telling.


The Typist I-


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just divorce.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*

Just divorce.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Help said long but please read all I'm desperate.*

Folks will be more likely to read and comment, if there are paragraphs.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

I’m sorry for you.

But I believe you need to cut your losses and RUN!!!!

Please tell me there are no kids

Run!!!!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*

Your wife is completely messed up, She needs counselling and you need to consider whether you want to stay in this marriage. She is treating you like a fool. The way she is accusing you of cheating sounds like cheater's projection. Time to go scorched earth on her ass and call a lawyer.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Well there's all kinds of messed up in here.

From what I can understand, this happened a few months ago. 
How much alcohol or drugs were involved? Your (now) wife says she can't remember so she was either already too drunk or high at the time, or got that way afterwards.

Subtle hints won't work with someone inebriated. You were asked a few times if you were OK with swinging by both your wife and friend. At one point you even said to them that it was OK, just so you could see how far they went with it.

You should have stated clearly that you were not happy to swap (regardless of any preconceived notion that your girlfriend wouldn't play) You will get a lot of stick on here for not being man enough at the time, and most will tell you to dump the cheating ***** etc etc 

But you have a different background and lifestyle and are OK with a little bit of girl on girl.

Your wife is at fault for breaking the agreed guidelines and having sex with your friend. But you are at fault for not stopping her or him and standing by watching it. You wouldn't be going through as much pain now if you had said no way.

You would still be upset with her for wanting to couple swap instead of your usual play style, and would have that to deal with.

Honestly, I don't know what to say about the fact that your wife is acting defensively instead of remorseful or apologetically. 

And what about you telling your ex in the past, that you would leave your girlfriend/now wife and get back with her. If I've understood your posting, it's only because your wife found out and stopped you, that you are with her instead of your ex. Are you sure that's what you wanted?

So you are both hurting badly and trying to say that one hurt is worse than the other. 

Do you want to stay with your wife or are you venting?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Who the hell was watching the double-wide while all this drunken incest and tomfoolery was taking place?


[email protected]!

:gun:


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Just divorce.


When wall of text appears, this is now the standard answer.

OP, you'll get more help if you take a few minutes and put your post into something easier to follow.

With that being said, walk away. Both of you don't appear to be ready to be in a meaningful relationship at this point in yopur lives.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Help said long but please read all I'm desperate.*

How old are you and your wife?

This is a good example of why/how swinging does not go well for most couples.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Help said long but please read all I'm desperate.*

I'd say you have a right to have sex with her friend or whomever you want, as she does.as long as the new sex partner agrees without any trickery involved. Otherwise, this is too one sided. You two are quite compatible, yet your boundaries are lacking any strength, since you told her no, but then told your friend yes. Why did you do that, if you didn't mean it? 

Anyway, I've got no experience with this and am just "spit-balling". So, I can only relate it to what I know of a relationship or marriage with much less loose boundaries. I think my thoughts are still legitimate. 

I'm sure there are some here who can help you with this. Sorry I can't be more help.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

I don’t know how you are going to be able to live with the fact that your friend nailed your wife while you sat their with a softy. I think you should remove both your friend and your wife from your life and move on to something new.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You posted two threads approximately 10 minutes apart. While I question their credibility, I question even more why you are staying in this big, hot mess.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Assuming this is actually on the level, end this irreparably damaged marriage. Think long and hard before entering another one. If you wish to make such sexual fantasies a reality, it would be best to keep the relationships more casual. 
IMO, passing your wife/fiance around like a joint at a party is hardly the foundation for a marriage. Even if you only offer a puff to females.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And this, folks, is why an open relationship starts like this:-










but usually end up like this:-










I don't think either of were are ready for marriage.

Do you have a priest, rabbi, counsellor or someone similar who you could both go to for help?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

This girl will bang anybody she wants whenever she wants.

It won't matter if your married or not. In my humble opinion I would not be married to a girl like her! No matter how hot she is.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Unfortunately you have no one but yourself to blame. Allowing other people to share your woman regardless of it being a female what did you think was going to happen? 

Next time don't be so pathetically weak and just agree to it then blame her.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*

In your other thread i called you pathetically weak. This time as Gus Polinski has already advised you JUST DIVORCE ALREADY.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*

James the only thing your wrong about is staying married, stop playing the fool and get a divorce...if you come back and tell you don't want to because you love her and you want to try to make it work, then suck it up and call yourself a doormat because it will happen again...for god sakes man grow a back bone....frankly, i would have called her bluff and called the cops to press charges on him.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*

Just divorce her. She's gross. 

How old are the two of you? She sounds and acts like she is barely out of high school.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

The only thing i see for you to do is divorce the lying cheat of a wife you have. 

No I don’t believe she was raped by her so called cousin. 

Just like when she had sex in front of you and claims not to remember it happening. 

You should have never married her. 

Now it’s time to divorce the cheater.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*

File for divorce and then get with your wife’s best friend. Sex is just sex by what your wife says.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

james53sj said:


> duly noted. sorry for wasting your time. its eating me alive not worried about grammar.


This might be eating you alive. But if you want people to read your writing and take the time to understand it, you need to use grammar. That includes sentences, punctuation, paragraphs, etc. They are used to effectively communicate.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I merged your 3 threads into one thread. You will get more support and better support that way.

How's it going today? 

Could you please answer my question? How old are you and your wife?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> You posted two threads approximately 10 minutes apart. While I question their credibility...


That was my take as well - thus the reason for my reply.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

*Re: am I wrong to think this.*



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Who the hell was watching the double-wide while all this drunken incest and tomfoolery was taking place?


Double-wide? I think you're giving way too much credit.


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