# Suggestions needed



## bigntall (Aug 12, 2014)

new here

coming off a long term relationship and the divorce was finalized at the end of last year. my past SO is having second thoughts and reconciliation has been discussed. I would entertain the thought of doing this.

my question is this. even before the divorce was finalized my SO had someone in their life. this person is still there but in and out (so I've been told) and don't really feel comfortable trying to start the process with this person still there

I am in a much better place today but do miss the family. I am working on me, getting physically and emotionally healthy every day.

what to do


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

simple, unless she severs him off completely then don't get involved

plus I'll add you may not be ready yourself yet, perhaps a few casual dates first to dip your toe in


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Welcome to the driver's seat!!!

You set the boundaries for the R including no contact with POSOM.

I think you are going to have issues for a long time regarding her being with POSOM. Be prepared for a very long healing journey and she has to be all in.

Good luck bro', I am attempting R and it is hard, emotionally charged and exhausting.

Stretch


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Shes a monkey, she can't let go of one vine until she has another.

The question is what preventive maintance will SO do to prevent from grapping at someone elses vine in the future?

Just my $0.02


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

How do the last 3 posters on this thread know the Op is a man?

It appears the Op has gone to extreme lengths not to disclose any gender information.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

lenzi said:


> How do the last 3 posters on this thread know the Op is a man?
> 
> It appears the Op has gone to extreme lengths not to disclose any gender information.


There is a store around town called Big and Tall for mens clothing.

That and Mrs the-guy thinks it inappropreite to reply to female threads so all you folks are male:lol:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

IDK...does it really matter if your a guy or a chick when your getting/got phucked over by your spouse and your looking for support from folks that are in the same boat?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

the guy said:


> There is a store around town called Big and Tall for mens clothing.
> 
> That and Mrs the-guy thinks it inappropreite to reply to female threads so all you folks are male:lol:


That's not going to cut it as an explanation, sorry.

But thanks for trying.



the guy said:


> IDK...does it really matter if your a guy or a chick when your getting/got phucked over by your spouse and your looking for support from folks that are in the same boat?


No, it doesn't matter, I was just pointing out the assumption made by 3 posters in a row.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

the guy said:


> Shes a monkey, she can't let go of one vine until she has another.
> 
> The question is what preventive maintance will SO do to prevent from grapping at someone elses vine in the future?
> 
> Just my $0.02


Your spouse is a monkey, *SO* can't let go of one vine until *SO* has another.

The question is, what preventive maintenence will *SO* do to prevent from grabbing at someone else's vine in the future?

Did you noticed the commas? :lol:

Ya the spelling sucks!

I guess spelling and punctuation is more important then the fact that we all got screwed over by our cheat SO. 

OP, is your SO's name Pat, Sam..or Jan?


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## bigntall (Aug 12, 2014)

lenzi said:


> That's not going to cut it as an explanation, sorry.
> 
> But thanks for trying.
> 
> ...


This thread is awesome. yes, i am a guy. just a little gun shy right now about the 'want' for my x to reconcile. seems things have to be on her terms for it to happen. and i aint no dang vine!


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

lenzi said:


> How do the last 3 posters on this thread know the Op is a man?
> 
> It appears the Op has gone to extreme lengths not to disclose any gender information.


Sucked in by the poster before me, but I think it is safe to say that she got the "family" he got the bills.

Stretch


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

are you sure of the timeline? she starting with this guy AFTER you two had planned to divorce? if this guy is the reason for the split, then no, don't be the fall back plan, don't be plan b. 

if it was only when you two were waiting for the paperwork to clear, then treat this other guy like any other ex-boyfriend...limited contact, etc.


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## bigntall (Aug 12, 2014)

ReidWright said:


> are you sure of the timeline? she starting with this guy AFTER you two had planned to divorce? if this guy is the reason for the split, then no, don't be the fall back plan, don't be plan b.
> 
> if it was only when you two were waiting for the paperwork to clear, then treat this other guy like any other ex-boyfriend...limited contact, etc.



guy came in about 8 months after divorce was filed. been there ever since off and on. ive already started limited contact


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By Bigntall
> new here
> 
> coming off a long term relationship and the divorce was finalized at the end of last year. my past SO is having second thoughts and reconciliation has been discussed. I would entertain the thought of doing this.
> ...


*It is crucial that you continue to work on you getting physically and emotionally healthier; make that your number one priority.* I have heard that it takes from 4-5 years to recover emotionally from a divorce. You are in no shape to make such a big decision in regards to taking you x-wife back right now. 





*



seems things have to be on her terms for it to happen.

Click to expand...

*BINGO that is a winner of a clue for you! If you miss this huge red flag then you are gullible and weak.


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