# Differences in parenting style



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Another thread inspired this for discussion...

So far my wife and myself have rather different parenting styles and although we do have disagreements, it seems to be strangely working out. It's like good cop/bad cop, one appeals to the human side, the other is in your face!!!

Our daughter never annoys me much, and she knows if she does something wrong I won't yell at her, but I will withhold privileges and simply won't be as nice. I teach her action and consequence, not right and wrong. However, with her mum, she's a handful. Her parenting style is more on the black/white side, and believes in respect of authority. Our daughter, however, being born to two stubborn parents who can't even agree amongst ourselves -> seems to have been influenced.

Sometimes it gets to the point when I have to intervene and sort it out between the two of them heh. My wife also gets annoyed when I don't support her parenting style and that we have to be more in agreement when it comes to parenting.

But the way I see it now, it seems to be working lol
Good cop/bad cop... isn't that an interrogation technique? Well, it works to get our daughter to do stuff! lol


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

My H and I have different parenting styles as well. Drives me crazy sometimes, he is more relaxed and not as consistent with punishments. I am more of the stickler on things. Some days I think my kids are waiting for my head to start spinning around :rofl:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I refuse to be "the heavy" in this house...which is what I would be if H didn't step up. When he hears me say something twice, he steps in and "makes it so". LOL! I love it.

I hate when one parent is the "nice one" and the other is the "mean one" simply because the mean one wants crap to get done.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LOL! Nah wifey isn't mean, just a lot more authorative with our daughter than me. Old-fashion respect and discipline I guess, from one of her background cultures. My culture is all about earning trust and respect by comparison.

I find it funny when my wife ends up wasting time trying to get our daughter to do something but then I come in and she jumps up immediately to do it lol

However, if we both use my parenting style, I don't think she'll realise the importance of authority in the real world. So I guess this difference is a good thing no? Balanced parenting?


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I refuse to be "the heavy" in this house...which is what I would be if H didn't step up. When he hears me say something twice, he steps in and "makes it so". LOL! I love it.
> 
> I hate when one parent is the "nice one" and the other is the "mean one" simply because the mean one wants crap to get done.


I started with 2 step children, boys 9 &11. Due I think to some guilt issues, my DW wanted to be their friend and relied on me to be "the heavy". And they needed a strong male influence & role model as their dad was neither. When we had our twins, that style continued. I came from a home where my dad said something once, that was it! Once & done.

But where I failed was mixing emotion with discipline. I didn't make the distinction between authority and anger. So I was the mean one too - but not because I just wanted crap to get done, but because I didn't understand how else to do it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My parenting style is more like yours. I believe in earning trust and respect. I let consequences and life teach the most lessons. I'm fair, flexible and save the authority for big issues. As a result when I ask them to do something they automatically do it. I have their respect. 

My husband is the nice one and as a result they don't always listen to him. Thankfully he backs me up even if I'm being unreasonable (he'll discuss it with me in private later) so our differing parenting styles have not been a problem.

If nothing else you MUST present a united front in front of the kids.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's funny, I'm the nice parent actually, but then again, I do go through with my word; no means no. So in the end, I'm "nicer than mum" only lol

Yeah, I guess a united front would be best. It gets difficult at times though, and sometimes I have a habit of letting them go at it so I can watch... it's rather amusing because my daughter is learning how to be witty, it makes me so proud! >.< Darn it I'm so evil! lol


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

My father was the nice parent because he was not abusive and he spoke to his children like human beings.

My mother was the mean one because she was the opposite. She felt that since she was a parent, she was allowed to treat her children like crap. 

Now she complains that I prefer my father to her and "a daughter should be her mother's best friend!" :rofl:


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