# Am I crazy?



## WillyA (Nov 24, 2014)

Here's the story:

I'm 29, my husband is 54. We've been married just over a year, been together for 5. When we met, I was in a long-term relationship and he was married. We eventually both left our relationships for each other because they were both bad and abusive. My family was completely against it and it took years and lots of intervening from my grandparents, but we were eventually married and accepted into the family. Also, we were working together and I had to quit my job because there was an issue with dating in the workplace. 

We had it made. We agreed about everything. We had the same hobbies. We had equal goals in life. Everything seemed perfect. 

Then I found out that while he at work, he met some girl (she doesn't work with him) while he was out during lunch. She was really pretty and she gave him her number. He took it and then texted her the next day, wanting to make sure she was staying warm. 

I found the text (she never texted back). And all he could say was, "it doesn't matter because I got played." He said he was intrigued for a moment and had a moment of weakness, yes he thought she was sexy and he thought he might have a chance, he was just putting it out there. But nothing happened, so I have no reason to be upset. 

I find this just as bad as actually having sex with her. He thinks we can get past thing, but I don't think I can never trust him again. He left his first wife for me, what is he's just looking to leave me for someone better too? 

I kicked him out. I told him I wanted a divorce, but the truth is that I miss him every second of the day (I did before! When he was at work, I would just miss him so much!), but I'm not sure that if the next woman shows interest in him, is he going to try to make it happen with her too? 

I had fought so hard for our relationship and I feel ashamed to have to tell my family. But I also gave up my career for him and I got one year of marriage before he tried to cheat. 

What should I do?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What do you want to do? Figure that out and go from there.

Many here will post about the irony of you both cheating on your spouses to get married and now this happening. He seems to be a repeat offender with cheating. 

Only you can decide what to do but I will tell you one thing: you're only 29. Do not give up your career/a job. He is significantly older than you an may die before you so you should think about you future, financially.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

"If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" is not just a cliché. 

You knew he was a cheater before you married him, you were a cheater too. I don't see any reason you should be surprised he cheated on you. I do see why he's surprised you have an issue with it since nothing in your history together would suggest that you think cheating is wrong.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

WillyA said:


> Here's the story:
> 
> I'm 29, my husband is 54.


You could have stopped right there and saved yourself the typing. But, I digress...



WillyA said:


> We've been married just over a year, been together for 5. When we met, I was in a long-term relationship and he was married. We eventually both left our relationships for each other...


(long, deep sigh) So the premise is that you are both betrayers and and 25 years apart in age. If you searched the width and breath of this earth for a more impossible marriage, you may not have found it. BUT, let us continue the journey...




WillyA said:


> My family was completely against it...


But, but... WHY???? OK, OK, let's continue...



WillyA said:


> Then I found out that while he at work, he met some girl (she doesn't work with him) while he was out during lunch. She was really pretty and she gave him her number. He took it and then texted her the next day, wanting to make sure she was staying warm.


I am shocked to hear of this. Just shocked!!



WillyA said:


> And all he could say was, "it doesn't matter because I got played."


Makes sense to me. Doesn't it to you, too?



WillyA said:


> ...I don't think I can never trust him again.


OMG, this just gets better and better.



WillyA said:


> He left his first wife for me, what is he's just looking to leave me for someone better too?


Pssst, here's a secret just between us.... you did the same f'ing thing for him. Get my drift here?



WillyA said:


> I kicked him out. I told him I wanted a divorce, but the truth is that I miss him every second of the day I had fought so hard for our relationship and I feel ashamed to have to tell my family.


(que in violins here...) I can understand. In fact, I can see the conversation now... "Mom, dad, remember that guy I left my famly for and he dumped his while we were betraying everyone? Well, he's betraying me and I never ever imagined it could possibly happen..." Comedic gold.



WillyA said:


> What should I do?


Seriously? You are a veteran betrayer and so is he and you don't know how to handle being bertayed? You could ask your ex and his ex to see how they coped. 

But on a more practicle matter, you knew you were marrying a betrayer and it should come as no surprise he continues to betray. So what can you really do??? He will continue to betray. You will most likely do so as well when his Viagra no longer works for him or you get fed up being young and pushing him around in a wheelchair as he does porn all afternoon.

It was a match made in hell by the devil himself. Either continue to accept it or walk away. That's my best advice. I just don't see any other alternatives. Obviously, counseling isn't going to help this situation. He is who he is and so are you.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Yes, you are crazy.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

So you left a job because you were cheating? And he is cheating...and you met each other by cheating....and you have a 15 year age gap? Neither of you should be married unless you both actually want to change...which it does not seem like that is the case.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Observer said:


> So you left a job because you were cheating? And he is cheating...and you met each other by cheating....and you have a 15 year age gap? Neither of you should be married unless you both actually want to change...which it does not seem like that is the case.


Check your math...


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

thatbpguy said:


> Check your math...


lol yes...ugh, I got nothing else here.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Observer said:


> lol yes...ugh, I got nothing else here.


Wait 'til your my age... it only gets worse.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

WillyA said:


> Here's the story:
> 
> I'm 29, my husband is 54. We've been married just over a year, been together for 5. When we met, I was in a long-term relationship and he was married. We eventually both left our relationships for each other because they were both bad and abusive. My family was completely against it and it took years and lots of intervening from my grandparents, but we were eventually married and accepted into the family. Also, we were working together and I had to quit my job because there was an issue with dating in the workplace.
> 
> ...


you are a cheat, you married a cheat, so you get what you are. Both of you. I suggest you both divorce, get your morals together and once that happens, then seek something decent


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

WillyA said:


> When we met, I was in a long-term relationship and he was married. We eventually both left our relationships for each other


Then you got what you earned. 

So, how is this situation a problem?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

commonsenseisn't said:


> Then you got what you earned.
> 
> So, how is this situation a problem?


I smell something.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You got too old for his taste.

She gave him his number..

yes


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Are you crazy? No. But you might be needing a good divorce solicitor, or lawyer. Sorry.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Thound said:


> I smell something.


Yep, kinda like a stench wafting from under a bridge.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

A cheater cheating on a cheater w/ whom he's cheated before...

:::yawn:::


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Hope you didn't sign a pre-nup, just saying.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

WillyA said:


> I'm 29, my husband is 54.


 Your shelf life apparently expires at 30l. Are you crazy? Yup, you are crazy for believing that that old saying "if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you" does not apply to you.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Natures way of telling what will happen if you do this again... cheat, he cheats you get together and he cheats.

Toll bridge ahead.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I don't understand why everyone jumps to a "troll" conclusion when someone posts an out of the norm situation. I see the frequency of this increasing way too much lately.

There's over 6 billion people on the planet. That's 2^3,000,000,000 possible combinations of love. Of which 50% of those end in divorce. And a statistically significant chance of "relationship crazy" scenarios we wouldn't even of considered.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

It's Karma!


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