# Almost 8 months going on 50! (Long)



## vpadilla7 (Apr 3, 2012)

Ok, So let me let you know a little about mine and my husbands life. I met him when I was in highschool. I was totally in love with him from the start, He was very quiet and shy. He kept to himself. Unlike me.... I was very outgoing and happy. Years and years later, He had requested to be my friend on Facebook. I added him and wrote him saying "Hey I know you!" and the rest is history. A year later he proposed to me on Valentines 2011. I of course said yes! In August 20, 2011, we got married. Things have always been rough ever since i found out he was messaging random girls on FB taking **** and flirting.... That made stuff bad but looking back it wasn't that bad compared to now. So after that things were pretty decent between us until one night I woke up to his phone vibrating. His ex messaged him on Yahoo and was congratulating him for getting married and she said she was sure he's make a good husband. I got so mad. But after i got off work I realized that it wasn't his fault that she messsaged him. But then after i checked back on the email and he was trying to contact her. Asking if she was busy. Thats the part that made me upset. Ever since that i always had something in the back of my mind... So i ended up letting that go.... Then shortly after in October. I picked up his phone to look at something and he had a car forum up... So just to be "nosey" i guess i started looking at it. I saw all the nasty and perverted posts that he had wrote on there.... Telling these "guys" that he used to go to 18+ strip clubs and that the strippers vaginas and boobs were "10s", he also made comments about a girl he used to be in love with in highschool, he was also telling all these random people that the CAR forum was in need of "female explotation". When i saw that I was absolutely crushed... I felt so horrible about myself and felt soooo discusted with him. He was a nasty pig thats asking for naked pictures of girls.... He made me feel like I was the ugliest person in the world, he made me feel like i wasn't good enough to look at... I cried for a week straight.... So that day when I found all that stuff we had gotten into a fight and he wanted his phone back so when I was looking at it he comes up behind me to grab it and I pulled away and accidently scratched his face. So he was leaving our apartment and I was following him I so mad and I dented his car with my fist and keyed his car (Yes, I know... It was totally uncalled for) But i was mad and wasn't thinking right... He then called the cops on me saying that i was hitting him and coming after him to hit him some more... maybe about 3 weeks later i got a summons to court for Domestic Violence and Criminal Damage Property....When all that happened we had split up... He stayed at his uncles house and I stayed at our apartment. We eventually worked things out and he came back home and stuff was still bad because shortly after his uncle that worked at a lawfirm with him told him that he should go to the full extent of the law and press charges on me and get me in worse trouble then before. My husband told him no that he would never do that to me. His uncle got pissed off and started yelling at him and then my husband jumped in his car and drove off. Since then my husband has been getting unemployment for the past 6 months. I've been paying all the bills for 8 months now... Since then its been one fight after another... He was starting to go out with friends a lot. He went out with a mutual friend of ours to the bar one night and didn't get home until 5 am! He didn't let me know where he was or if he was staying out late... I was pissed. So i kicked him out and told him until he realizes that he can't do that then he needs to leave... He slept in his car for 3 days. And his birthday was 2 days from then so I felt bad and told him to stay at our apartment and I will stay at my parents. So after a couple of days I came to talk to him and everything was fine. A day or two later he went out with his friends and didn't even come home... That was the last straw for me. I kicked him out and told him that if he wants to act single then be single. Ever since then he's been gone. He has been living at his grandma's house for the past 2 1/2 months. I told him recently that I wanted him to come home and I needed him to be a full time husband and father. I dont need a part time husband and my daughter doesnt need a part time father. We also got into it again!!! He told me that he did not want to be with me and I asked him if he was sure he didn't want to be with me and he gave me a piece of paper that said "yes". I told him ok well don't talk to me again... He drove off without any emotion. Later on that night he texted me and said "Are you alive?" I said "yup, life goes on. I still have a daughter to raise" He said "glad you realized that" Like I was going to crawl up and freaking die without him!! So after that we argued for awhile and then he told me not to divorce him... Ever since then we haven't talked at all. Its been a little over a week. I dont know what to do anymore... If i should divorce him or stay with him. I miss him and I want to be with him but **** has to change!!!!!  Please please HELP!!!


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## husband1111 (Apr 12, 2012)

I am not sure how helpful I can be but I will try. 

Does he want to stay with you? 

Assuming that getting a babysitter is not an issue, if he had the choice between going out with friends to late hours and going out with you, which would he choose?


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

To be honest, I would not waste my time trying to be with someone like that. I mean, asking for naked pictures of girls online? How old is he, like 12? I'd just let sleeping dogs lie and not get back together with him. You say you love him, but is that just out of a feeling of loneliness or need or is it TRUE love? Also, he's been on unemployment for 6 months. I know the economy is tough, but can't most people find a new job in 6 months? He is just letting you pay all the bills. I wouldn't be with him if I were you.


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

One more thing...it sounds like he wants to party up and act like a kid. Not sure how old you guys are but he is NOT father material for your child. Plus, if he is looking at 18 year old girls naked, he may be a pervert of some kind - it happens and they target single moms a lot to get to the kids.

But more likely, he may just be trying to use you for money while he parties/plays online and talks boobs with his boys. Do you really want to support him? He had to live in his car when you put him out and now he's living with a relative. Sounds like he can't take care of himself and he needs someone to take care of him. I wouldn't give him the time of day. Listen to the great song "No Scrubs" by TLC. Just my .02, not trying to offend you.


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## vpadilla7 (Apr 3, 2012)

husband1111 said:


> I am not sure how helpful I can be but I will try.
> 
> Does he want to stay with you?
> 
> Assuming that getting a babysitter is not an issue, if he had the choice between going out with friends to late hours and going out with you, which would he choose?


 Babysitter is no issue. I'm lucky I have wonderful parents to take her to school. He said he wants to be with me now... But 2 weeks ago he didn't... honestly, I think he would choose to be with his friends rather than me or the baby. About a month ago he told me that he doesn't want to be with me 24/7 365 days a year... that was uncalled for... He wants to go out with his friends till all hours of the night and him come home to me with a huge grin from ear to ear.... Well not going to happen. I'm very outspoken and I just can't keep my mouth shut if there is something wrong...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vpadilla7 (Apr 3, 2012)

luckycardinal said:


> One more thing...it sounds like he wants to party up and act like a kid. Not sure how old you guys are but he is NOT father material for your child. Plus, if he is looking at 18 year old girls naked, he may be a pervert of some kind - it happens and they target single moms a lot to get to the kids.
> 
> But more likely, he may just be trying to use you for money while he parties/plays online and talks boobs with his boys. Do you really want to support him? He had to live in his car when you put him out and now he's living with a relative. Sounds like he can't take care of himself and he needs someone to take care of him. I wouldn't give him the time of day. Listen to the great song "No Scrubs" by TLC. Just my .02, not trying to offend you.


No, I definitely understand.... He's 24 and I'm 22. My daughter is almost 4. The naked pictures he was asking for was grown women. Not that that makes it any better but at least it wasn't little girls... There is no way he's a pervert... I can promise that and I'm sure people say it all the time but I'm positive. He's amazing with the baby whenever he comes around. But I'm seriously sick of it. I truly do love him. I just don't like the freaking monster he had become. He's taken everything from me. My respect, my self esteem, my confidence and my happiness. We used to get along so well... Everything changed when we got married. I guess he thinks because im married to him, now I can't leave him... I honestly don't know. I truly believe he is bipolar because normal people don't act the way he does...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

Well, you're still really young and you have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't get tied down to someone like this and don't EVER let anyone take your self-esteem and self-respect away from you. Be your own best friend and think about what you'd advise a good friend in a similar situation. Maybe he is too immature yet to make a commitment - sounds like he wants to go back & forth. I wish you luck and hope you make the right choice for you and your child.


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## vpadilla7 (Apr 3, 2012)

luckycardinal said:


> Well, you're still really young and you have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't get tied down to someone like this and don't EVER let anyone take your self-esteem and self-respect away from you. Be your own best friend and think about what you'd advise a good friend in a similar situation. Maybe he is too immature yet to make a commitment - sounds like he wants to go back & forth. I wish you luck and hope you make the right choice for you and your child.


Thank you so much for the great advice!! I'm trying so hard to keep him but I can't force him because then he'll be more miserable than he claims to be now... Thanks again


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