# im really ashamed of my fantasy



## AshamedOf (Aug 23, 2011)

hi dears
im 22 guy and in love with a nice girl and wanna get marry in these few month toward
really i havent experienced any sex in my life.
even with my GF.
and just do masturbating for some years and watching porno for reaching orgasm.even for that girl i left masturbating as well.
but the main problem is after watching porno i like some type of sex that really ashamed of talk about that.
but im dying of these guilty thinks i cant even sleep for someday now
really i enjoy of some scene that 2 men do 1 woman or more man or enjoying this damn fantasy that ah god i cant even talk about that i enjoy watching porno scene that doing wife in front of her husband.
really i love her so much i cant even think that she is talking with another person.
its not important its my wife or not any girl im enjoy seeing this in front of me.but its in my brain when i think about it in real life
its make me mad and give me worst feeling in the world.
im dying about this damn fantasy really i dont wanna do this holy crap with my love but im afraid of future im afraid we dont enjoy us the main point is that i ddnt have sex dont have any experience.

but this guilty thinks makes me mad and depressed please help me for god's sake


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

dont be ashamed. maybe a sex therapist can interpret and differentiate your thoughts versus actual feelings. it sounds like this act is very forbidden that when you enjoyed the thought of it...it went against your personal values and beliefs and are afraid that if you acted on this with your soon to be wife that you would lose it all. so dont do it. recognize that it is ONLY a fantasy; a picture in your mind and realize all the good you do have. a gf who loves and cares about you...and you would not do anything to jeopardize that. hope it helps.


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## AshamedOf (Aug 23, 2011)

oh my bro thanx alot many calms came to me now
u r right she is like a diamond for me she is my belief she is my top value for life she is virgin even nobody touch him before even touch u know what im saying mate?
its very very difficult for me that think this guilty thinngs about her
god bless me
i prefer that somebody cut my head but dont do this to my love.
really in real life i cant even suppose that but in lonely its came on me and make me restive.
on the other hand i left even masturbating for 3 month and really im dying.
i know im infected by some damn pornographic stuff that can destruct the base of the family statement.
i think its worth thing in the world that can make humanity treat like a animal.but think is think coming make pain go... again coming make more pain and go help me mate help


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You need to stop watching porn.

Porn can be highly addictive. It creates unrealistic expectations of sex, and some men after watching porn cannot get the thoughts out of their heads and have trouble having real sex or finding their real wives attractive.

I would suggest you masturbate using your imagination and focus on your fiance and what you would like to do together. if you find it difficult to stop, you do have a problem and should seek professional help.


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## AshamedOf (Aug 23, 2011)

really i left that too for 3 month and really it was too easy for me
and now i dont even think about that sh*t and dont have any desire to see them again.
i have this power to dont even go again on them.
really we dont accept sex before marriage
u think if i get marry and start have sex with my wife i can forget about this things i mean that time that i was watching porno after orgasm i dont think about this u think it can happen for this matter too?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Yes I think if you focus on your wife, and you both share your fantasies with each other and concentrate on pleasing one another, that you will have a rewarding sex life.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

I think it makes a lot of sense that porn will change your ideas about sex away from what makes sense in real life. When you continually masturabate to porn, you associate those images with pleasure and feeling good, then the images can become more and more "shameful" until you're enjoying what you would never want in real life. This is a problem. Then how can you enjoy what you have in real life? 

I agree with Syrum. It's good you stopped the porn. It will take some time to change your mind to focusing on the right things. Can you masturbate while thinking about seeing your wife naked for the first time, touching her beautiful curves, seeing the look on her face? Maybe you can start thinking about that stuff more and more until you want to masturbate to it. As a husband your sexual energy should be focused on your wife and visa versa so you two can use sex to bond with each other. Sex in marriage can be a beautiful loving act when nothing (like porn) gets in the way.


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## AshamedOf (Aug 23, 2011)

ooooooooh yeah i found myself again thank u all 
really for those have this shameful and out of humanity rules too
i have to say something
problem for those can be many things that make them to do this.
something like **** i mean if u gay
or in childhood somebody ...
i find myself about in this problem
really porn turn ur mind to ur desire.
maybe in that age for first time i saw the porn i think 2-3 years ago i dont think about this even.i just watched normal couple sex and enjoy that and when time pass and i saw another sex type my desire get stronger about my favorite sex type ok what happened then?
its becoming more strong compare to that normal porno and turn my mind to see this type OK but i ddnt feel its bad for me on that time i just thought ok man its just movie watch it i ddnt think about the aftermath and can change my mind and my healthy.ok what happened?
1.5 years passed and i enjoy to this type
after that when i find my finance i swear to god that dont even go on that again then i get success i deleted all of my porn video from my computer and stop masturbating too.
but u know 1.5 years u saw that guilty things u think u can change ur mind in one day?no no no
brain dont have the delete bottom.
its not a desire in ur blood becoz all of us born virgin with a pure mind and empty of the bad things.
OK then what happened?
we just follow to our passion and make our soul dirty
i just telling this for those people who think this is in our blood to do this things no its not.
what happened for me now?
i sit on the bench and thinking and see my finance image his lips
curves eye and other this make me stimulated but i told myself ok just one second suppose about another person and really on that time i just want to kill myself or that person and its not stimulated me its get me mad and zeal.
OK guilt is guilt and have to bypass that its take sometimes for me but main point is make difference from our fantasy and real life.
maybe helped myself and another.


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

AshamedOf said:


> but the main problem is after watching porno i like some type of sex that really ashamed of talk about that.
> but im dying of these guilty thinks i cant even sleep for someday now
> really i enjoy of some scene that 2 men do 1 woman or more man or enjoying this damn fantasy that ah god i cant even talk about that i enjoy watching porno scene that doing wife in front of her husband.
> really i love her so much i cant even think that she is talking with another person.


This is totally normal. It's hot seeing a girl take on a couple guys at the same time, and fantasies about sexual partners being with others is extremely common. There's no reason to feel guilty for your fantasies. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You probably enjoy these things so much _because_ you are so in love with your wife, it makes it even more taboo to imagine her being pleasured by other men while also making you desire her pleasure more. For there to be more than one guy at a time demonstrates her extreme desire and/or desirability; just like everyone else who finds women arousing you enjoy it when women are enthusiastically sexualized, which a women at the center of multiple mens simultaneous attention is certainly a great example. It doesn't mean you really want your wife to get gangbanged, you just happen to find the idea sexy and there's nothing wrong with that.


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

Roooth said:


> I think it makes a lot of sense that porn will change your ideas about sex away from what makes sense in real life. When you continually masturabate to porn, you associate those images with pleasure and feeling good, then the images can become more and more "shameful" until you're enjoying what you would never want in real life. This is a problem. Then how can you enjoy what you have in real life?


I've seen this argument before and am not convinced. People masturbate to porn they find arousing. People have sex in a manner they find arousing (with people they are sexually attracted to). These are distinct things. For example: Both my girlfriend and I have masturbated for approximately two decades, generally enjoying things neither of us would ever want in real life. We often have sex that neither of us would find particularly arousing were it to be documented pornographically. The porn we find arousing and the sex we enjoy are different. According to the argument the porn should have caused one or both of us a problem we don't have.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I agree with Ren's posts above. 

Dear poster, you are being plagued with "religous guilt". Masterbating is NOT wrong , some of these comments you made about not doing it for 3 months, feeling like you are going to die and feeling like you are reduced to an animal for having such thoughts. You are feeling this way because of what you have been taught your entire life, what has been drilled into your head, this is all you know, you expect to live up to some holiness puritan ideal. 

Reality ..... God endowed man with a high dose of testosterone - this is your LUST hormone, you are a man, this is how men think - you were born to be a predetor to seduce women with your seed, that is pretty near the reality of God's plan. To give these men such STRONG unrelenting desires and shame the living hell of of him for enjoying such thoughts, that is pure cruelty -from our Maker. 

Many religions feel FANTASIZING is wrong /sinful. Sex therapists DON'T. I agree with the Sex Therapists! 

BUt yeah, a good idea to FOCUS all of that pentup sexual ENERGY on your future bride - make her the object of all of those fantasies. Most do not live out their fantasies, nor should we. 

I am married, I wouldn't mind taking down some hot young stud. Of coarse I try to make that fantasy my husband in his younger days! 

Do not be fooled and torment your self feeling fantasies are EVIL, vile and you have to chop off your head if you have them . OH my. God help such men who have to live under such constraints -in keeping a sound mind and a healthy attitude towards sexuality. Live a little, fantasize a little, just keep it in your pants till you marry and only share it with your wife . 

You are fine! You are an honorable man. 

I do hope your virginal wife does not have these kinds of hang ups - feeling guilty over sex & fantasies. She probably does as well, which may play over in your marriage some. 

I can speak from my own experience & tell you - when my fantasy life came ALIVE (which I had a boost in that testosterone to bring it there) , so did my sexual creativity -my fantasy life took wings - I enjoed the heck out of that ! ....and the greatest benefit of all was....our sex life was better & hotter than ever in our lives. 

Use it, don't let shame over "thoughts" take you to the grave, eat you up and trample the Joy & excitement of SEX, even RAW sex -ain't nothing better in life. Talk to your wife about her fantasies. 

If she doesn't have any, Then I would start worrying!


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## AshamedOf (Aug 23, 2011)

hi SimplyAmourous
and thanx all that helping me.
i know im religious man its the true thing but help me about thinks
i mean i love her OK?
i cant suppose even anybody touch him except me this is OK nah?
but my problem is its cant hurt my real life sex healthy my mind and another things?
i wanna use my power to bring up more sexual activity but i cant even think anybody touch my love is my think right or wrong?
i left porn and no way to back it again dont even suggest me that becoz u r married but am is young cant hurt myself and my real sexual life really its nothing to me now i left it and have extreme satisfaction and dont have any desire to take them back into my brain.
but main problem I know in real life there is no way i do it becoz as i said its animal sexual activity.
Like stags in one season its belong to by one male stag and next season can be belong to another male stag.
no we r human and its true that have instinct but we have animus can make decision have feeling and these are things that god embed to us.
but in fantasy case yeah im with u too and u cant find anywhere that saying: think of the guilt is guilt.there is nowhere in religion u can find this christian jews and even islam.

but u know my core problem is LOVE
LOVE gave me belonging sense help me to get rid of this and help me again by ur great comments.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am sorry AshamedOf, I have a hard time understanding everything you mean to say. I am not sure of how bad this porn was, sounds bad -gang banging or something. Yeah, I mean, this stuff is not healthy -I have no desire to see such things personally. 

I says this in the Bible, no matter what your beliefs , this is good advice try to mold your thinking after....


> Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.


 Have you never did anything in your life that you felt bad about, hurt a friend, stole something? I mean , none of us are perfect. You need to forgive yourself for setting your eyes on these things, you learned it doesn't make you feel good, so now you have a boundary to keep it out of your life. Find a hobby, something you enjoy doing and occupy your mind there. 

Personally I like a little porn, but I only want to see the more romantic stuff , only a man & a women. Even when I was an upright sexually repressed Christian in some areas feeling oral sex was dirty, etc, I would be lying through my teeth if I even tried to say I didn't heartily enjoy a HOT R rated movie showing some skin & passion. 

Back then, I remember complainaing noone is ever married in these scenes, feeling it was very immoral & a bad message, but I was still VERY VERY aroused by it none the less, definitely a naughty pleasure for me. I consider this natural and I will be darned if I am going to beat myself up over it. Now if I was starting to ENJOY what you laid your eyes on, I would probably feel very differently, some shame there. 

I am not trying to say we should never feel shame. But sometimes the religious have been so very conditioned with such *straightjacket purity*, even a glance on something inappropriate , they feel they have to gouge their eyes out to make amends before their God. 

You need to ask yourself --is that what is happening here - or more of a mental addiction to what you looked upon , a driving need to do it again?

God understands we struggle with animalistic desires-especially men with very HIGH test levels, it is just the nature of the beast, that is what I believe. 

But hey, what do I know!

*Have you forgiven yourself ? -- What does your religion require for this*?

*And how are you moving on mentally ? *When is your wedding? Once you get married, you will have a whole new heavens of opportunites to await you, you will make NEW sexual memories with your wife.

These things, this slip up- will be a thing of the past. 

When I was younger, me & my husband & some friends (all of us religious -me christian, them Mormons) for a kick, we stuck in this Porn video to view it, and it was not the romantic type but things that probably furthere made ME look upon sex as dirty, I shouldn't have laid MY eyes on that, but oh well, young people do some stupid things sometimes. I still think the stuff I heard in church caused me more hangups than viewing that for a few minuest though, but that is just me.


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## AshamedOf (Aug 23, 2011)

many thanx SimplyAmorous
yeah always with u
im not married i ddnt have sex before 
but one thing i know i recalled that time
on that time i had the same desire that have now but whats diffrence now
one gril comes to my life she is so nice she is so gorgeous she is my heart-breaker she is my soul and at last she is my love for a long life ok the what happened for desire?
i just struggle with my desires that cant be happened in real life and i know its hard but have to do it becoz love means that.
but i just try to saying if it is a fantasy after i get marry can be solve in the right way can time fix this?can sex with my wife fix this?can this unrealistic go away?
just thinking you are me.
im 22 guy in my mind sex have high priority
i ddnt experienced any real sex.
my unmet needs got me to watch porn
but someday u need to stop them OK i stopped them and have many satisfy?but what happened to my need?
its still there.
just 2 way remaining for u:
1-struggle with those till u get marry and fix it by ur wife
2-have sex before marriage or masturbating 

i preferred 1 struggle becoz my wife have top value in my mind.
struggle have price u have to pay for that.so here i am paying but u know have pain for me that u describe it very well in this:


> God understands we struggle with animalistic desires-especially men with very HIGH test levels, it is just the nature of the beast, that is what I believe.


i left porn and dont want to back it again and i know both god and myself forgiven me.
but im afraid of future and thinking oh my god i dont want this and just convinced myself that was OK dude that was just movie that was just fantasy focus on ur wife she is so beautiful she have all thing that u need for a good memory and god know how can make all things that u enjoy her.
but what about now it is the most damn thing.
always asking myself am i normal is it normal that u thinking of that type of sex porn?
it is my main problem.u have many experience on it becoz u have a husband u are in age of that can understand me u know what is man thinking ok then just tell me please am i normal?or just im the sick one?
yeah for first time I would like to see the same type of porno one man and one woman i enjoyed that but when time passed my desire turn me to another thing but now i left that.
OK please tell me is it normal?many thanks
u saved me today from my sinful thinking.that was just resolved for me now.fantasy is not a guilt its just a image in ur mind but dont try it in real life i learned that but now fix for me that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ashamed of, I think you are very normal but I don't think you want to accept that fact and sorry, I still have a hard time understanding exactly what you are asking, and the total problem. 

You said "I prefer to struggle becuase your wife is top value in your mind"- and you are paying some PRICE and is causing you pain. I am not sure what you mean by this. 

I say - Masterbate, enjoy it ! I doubt your wife wants to have sex before marraige if your religion feels this is wrong, then you both will be even more guilt laden! If you try to cut our masterbating, I think you will go mad. Do not even entertain such a thought. 

If your thoughts are gravitating to these gangbanging porn images you seen, you need to train your mind to go elsewhere..... get a beautiful picture of your wife & put it in front of you and salivate that, undressing her in your mind. Then you will be setting HER in the top value of your mind & heart. 

Ok you opened a box up of some flavor of porn that excited you and horrified you at the same time. And you fear you will continue to want this in your life? Is this the issue? If you have forgiven yourself for looking and keep that boundary in your life, then it will slowly fade. 

Yes, young male testosterone driven fantasy is NORMAL. 

I think because you are so very pure & virginal, your viewing this had some kind of shocking intensity for you, whereas other men are somewhat desensitized in some of these things, they have looked upon it so much, it has little effect anymore. Not that that is a good thing. 

Virgins, how interesting. I think their lust for sex is even HIGHER becuase they feel they are in the desert dying for a glass of water, and how can they possibly wait any longer. 

When is this wedding I ask?


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## AshamedOf (Aug 23, 2011)

> Ashamed of, I think you are very normal but I don't think you want to accept that fact and sorry, I still have a hard time understanding exactly what you are asking, and the total problem.


Yeah im working on myself that accept and i think im getting many success since u told me these things.u know im getting these stuff in this 2 days really its not a long time pain but suddenly after some bad thinking.
It was in Tuesday that i had been thinking about these damn things.
After that I have felt very very new and strange.
1 night ddnt sleep and just crying like a baby.
after that i came here for ma problem and now see its just normal feeling thanx alot u saved my many things but in some hours it gets back but im redirecting it to another places.



> You said "I prefer to struggle becuase your wife is top value in your mind"- and you are paying some PRICE and is causing you pain. I am not sure what you mean by this.


I mean till my marry time coming i cant set a sex date with her.and have these damn feeling that make me worst.but im struggling


> If your thoughts are gravitating to these gangbanging porn images you seen, you need to train your mind to go elsewhere..... get a beautiful picture of your wife & put it in front of you and salivate that, undressing her in your mind. Then you will be setting HER in the top value of your mind & heart.


yeah i removed all thing for dont recall those scene
removed all vids and pics block sites of these keyword.im programmer im starting new course in programming and hope can redirect all these damn thing to another places
hehe past night she cames and we start talking on tel and after on internet i forgot all things and just appreciated god for giving this diamond to me.beautiful sufficient soul mate dying for me alllll thing for a boy like me she have i will guarding her to end of my life.
and past night i done what u said and get many success thank u i lie down on my bed and start thinking about what u told me.
OOPS my god the best feeling for ever before that i just denied all of thinking about her always told myself dont do it its not the correct things.but past night really its working for me again thanx alottttt.
hehe past night i asked her im denying to think about u.she got angry and toooldddd me damn u u dont think about meeeeee u dont think u hug me and kiss me? u r crazy.



> Ok you opened a box up of some flavor of porn that excited you and horrified you at the same time. And you fear you will continue to want this in your life? Is this the issue? If you have forgiven yourself for looking and keep that boundary in your life, then it will slowly fade.


Yeah that is the most proper thought that i had 
joy fear sin.
yeah the main problem is that:i dont wanna think i will keep continue this thinking about my wife in real life.
and i think if time pass and i start real sex with my LOVE these damn can be fade.
and secondary thing that i ddnt have sex with her and unmet needs can be cuz of these but still fear about feature.i know sex is most powerful thing in the world and can solve many things into it.am i right asking u?


> Yes, young male testosterone driven fantasy is NORMAL.


OK thanx god im not the sick on.and this my another problem that was thinking oh my god im the imbalance one in sex.
thanks alot again.



> I think because you are so very pure & virginal, your viewing this had some kind of shocking intensity for you, whereas other men are somewhat desensitized in some of these things, they have looked upon it so much, it has little effect anymore. Not that that is a good thing.


and this is the another things that ur speeches always make me relax u know all things about me and my feeling
yes im virgin and thinking about my fantasy always make me shock and restless.im getting mad and shame when im thinking about that oh u know something like somebody cutting ur legs when u see that ur legs are cutting.



> Virgins, how interesting. I think their lust for sex is even HIGHER becuase they feel they are in the desert dying for a glass of water, and how can they possibly wait any longer.
> 
> When is this wedding I ask?


yeah our world is difference we give many value on such things that maybe another people even dont think about it.
and the truth is yeah OUR LUST is very very higher than another people.
and the exact example for that is u mentioned
yeah like desert or like sea that cant drink its watter.
in 5 month toward in DECEMBER im going to do it.
again need ur great guides and leading that is u r the most greatest leader in my world.


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