# Not Jessica Alba



## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

My bf likes Jessica Alba. I understand, I like some actors too. But the actors I like are a) not that attractive for most ladies b) a lot like him in features, hair etc.

I'm everything Jessica Alba is not, I'm tall, blond, average size and older than him. I'm not petite. 
I just don't understand he can be into me, as his ex was petite and dark too. 

He said he doesn't have a certain type. Also I'm aware that I'm very insecure due to bullying in my past. I had a lot of therapy already, still on it.

Do other men have a celeb crush that looks nothing like their wife/partner and please explain how you can like your partners looks, not looking like your ideal woman?


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Lol, not that those actors are unattractive, neither is my bf, just not Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp-like.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

It's like anything else, I'd love to have a 40 room mansion on 600 acres, but I'm perfectly happy with my current house. I'd love to have a new 100k Nissan GTR, but I'm perfectly happy with my current car. Some things are just a fantasy.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

All sorts of women and body types are attractive.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Then it seems that is the best you can get, so you settle for it. Somehow that doesn't make me feel better


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

catfan said:


> Do other men have a celeb crush that looks nothing like their wife/partner and please explain how you can like your partners looks, not looking like your ideal woman?


Nope, my wife pretty much looks (or at least when she was younger, but she is still hot) like any actress I would think is hot like this one 

Ziyi Zhang - YouTube


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

catfan said:


> Then it seems that is the best you can get, so you settle for it. Somehow that doesn't make me feel better


If the relationship is based on looks alone, then you are right. You are screwed because he settled for something less than perfect (if you consider Jessica Alba perfect).

But if the relationship is based on something else (emotional attachments), you offer something that Jessica Alba will NEVER be able to offer him. 

So, you win.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

catfan said:


> Then it seems that is the best you can get, so you settle for it. Somehow that doesn't make me feel better


I think you're making a big deal out of a non-issue, frankly. He chose you, and is happy with you, so he didn't settle.

I have a "thing" for petite Asian women. However, I wouldn't choose one over my wife, who is neither petite nor Asian. I certainly didn't settle or compromise, as I like many types. What really matters is compatibility (which we have in abundance), not anything so superficial as height or race.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Personally I like all body types I will admit I like curvy women the most but to answer your question no it's never been an issue.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I have a physical "type" but that doesn't mean I "need" that standard met to find a woman attractive.

I'm a sucker for petite brunettes, toss in a pair of blue eyes and I could lose my very soul.

My wife fits this type to a "T" however the only other woman I've ever been in love with was a thick blonde.
I thought she was a stunning beauty even though she wasn't my "type".

A type is nice when you can find that woman and she also has a personality and goals that align with yours but there's no way you fail to appreciate a woman who isn't your type when she holds every other quality you find attractive.

My wife has a physical type that doesn't come close to my physical appearance but most of the men in the culture from which that "type" are found aren't worthy partners to her so she actually wrote them off her list of possible mates and refused to even date them.

She was looking for the whole package, not just the wrapping.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Yes.

My wife is aware of them.

And no, the types range wildly. And she approaches some, but not others.

My wife is also insecure but very vocal about celebrities that she has crushes on. So I told her to get over it.

And lo and behold, she did.

PS Jessica Alba is very, very hot.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Catfan, is this the same boyfriend you've had for a while now? 

There are actresses who I think are pretty who look nothing like my W. The thing is, I don't tell her, because like you, she has some insecurities. Don't know why, other than her past sticking with her. 

She also has actors/entertainers who she thinks are handsome. I know who a few of these are, because she told me before we ever got together. And although there's one in particular who reminds me of her, the rest are not my body type or age, etc at all. 

I don't care though. As another poster offered, they can't give her what I can give. That's why she's with me. 

There are billions to choose from. If it's about looks (oh and on the screen is quite often NOTHING what they look like IRL), that's pretty superficial. Although your mate needs to be attractive to you. But there's so much more to it than that.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Thanks for the answers so far, these do help me. And yes, it's the same boyfriend doubletrouble, we are living together 3 years now.

Being a bullying victim made my self esteem well...not there at all I guess. I learned to be stronger in work situations. But in my relationship, I'm very insecure and distrustful. Especially because of the 'bad' start we had with his ex-fwb involved.

I'm having therapy for all issues, but of course not everything is just changed at once, this takes years... I think I've come a long way already and this is the next issue to work on. For the next years I think...

He is there for me, talking to me about my issues for years, it's hard on him. I have to learn to trust him on his love, by seeing what he does for me in this. But without self esteem, it's hard to believe someone actually cares for you.

Again, reading how men think about (not just) looks helps  

Thanks for responding, from an almost 41 year old former bullying survivor! Maybe it's time I got proud of that....


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Btw English is not my 1st language, sorry for mistakes in this.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Funny I see beautiful women on TV, but I have no desire to be with them. I only desire my wife. I guess Im just old fashion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

catfan said:


> Thanks for responding, from an almost 41 year old former bullying survivor! Maybe it's time I got proud of that....


Knowing you're a survivor and getting better is far, far better than living as a victim, helpless to do anything about your life. 

So yeah, get proud! 

LIVE it, don't just think it. Always say to yourself, "I am proud to be a survivor." In the present tense, not the future tense. 

Your command of English seems fine to me, btw. I can't speak a word of Dutch...


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## FLman (Nov 6, 2013)

catfan said:


> Btw English is not my 1st language, sorry for mistakes in this.


Have been in Netherlands a few times, most still speak better english than most of us here!

May I ask what sort of bullying you went through, I have a European wife and she makes it sounds that such things never occur in Europe!

Personally as far as looks, I can be attracted to many types, but ultimately its their personality and chemistry, does not matter if the girl or guy is hot, if they make you feel like crap or inadequate what is the use of having a relationship!

But I have to say, that media and the web (porn) does skew things, things are polished and exciting...most people think their lives are boring and have our heads in the clouds, ignoring what is dear and close to us! Many don't realize this until they lose their significant others to someone else who sees their true beauty! 

I myself do not like games, as they say things need to be "dutch"/even, unbalanced relationships usually are lacking some fundamental aspects, either connivence, lack of passion, respect etc...

Final word, it is vital for you to understand why you are insecure and take steps to raise your self-esteem, to blame him for non-event is not his issue but more yours, but if he is putting you down on things that are sensitive, then he needs to realize why he is doing that, if he does not care for you then you need to move on verses latching on...bottom line, a good direct line of communication and common sharing of time together (closeness)...not connivence!!!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Catfan, although we cannot see you so clearly in your profile pic, you look attractive. Men like all sorts of women. Don't worry about it.

A smile can make an ugly face beautiful and visa versa.

You are intelligent. Don't doubt yourself.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Thound said:


> Funny I see beautiful women on TV, but I have no desire to be with them. I only desire my wife. I guess Im just old fashion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel the same way about my hb. I think a lot of men are hot but I don't necessarily want to f$ck them. I guess if I didn't feel connected to him I might feel differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Your boyfriend has ties to you. You are real. You breath, you smell, you laugh, you make him think.

The actress that you spoke of is not real. He has no ties to her. He will never speak to her, he will never hear her voice and breath in his ear. He will never smell her on a pillow. She is just an image, pixels, nothing more.

You sound like you enjoy living in the past. I am old, I know now that I wasted my life living in the past. Do not make the same mistake. Each day is a gift. Live for the here and now. You can be happy, but it is a choice that you must make. 

Just my two cents. David


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

catfan said:


> My bf likes Jessica Alba. I understand, I like some actors too. But the actors I like are a) not that attractive for most ladies b) a lot like him in features, hair etc.
> 
> I'm everything Jessica Alba is not, I'm tall, blond, average size and older than him. I'm not petite.
> I just don't understand he can be into me, as his ex was petite and dark too.
> ...


If I walk past a rack of magazines and pay them no attention. Unless Scarlett Johansen is on a cover and my eyes will pick her out, even if I do not immedidately recognise her. The extent to which this happens is bewildering and such that my wife can see it is not a voluntary thing. 

I am not planning on running off with Scarlett Johansen. Indeed, I have not watched one of her films for years.

The answer to the question is that I can find women attractive who have different figures, colours, heights etc. I find my wife very attractive because of her being attractive, but also realistically because I have commited to her. That will not stop me noticing the attractiveness of other women, but it does stop me running after them.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

catfan said:


> Btw English is not my 1st language, sorry for mistakes in this.


A lot of Dutch women I've met are just as you describe yourself. Tall, blond, much the scandinavian type. IMO, hot :smthumbup:

However, some of them come over as loud, superficial and are bad dressers. Im sure that's not your case from reading your posts (although I cannot tell about the way you dress 

Interestingly, your bf, surrounded by hot blondes like yourself, admires petite dark women like Jessica Alba.

You know what, I think it's the law of scarcety... scarce = exotic = attractive.

But I second the posters above... nothing to worry about.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Do other men have a celeb crush that looks nothing like their wife/partner


Yes



> please explain how you can like your partners looks, not looking like your ideal woman?


It's easy -> there IS NO ideal woman (as your bf already explained)
Just because I like something doesn't mean I don't like the other


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

EasyPartner said:


> A lot of Dutch women I've met are just as you describe yourself. Tall, blond, much the scandinavian type. IMO, hot :smthumbup:
> 
> However, some of them come over as loud, superficial and are bad dressers. Im sure that's not your case from reading your posts (although I cannot tell about the way you dress
> 
> ...


Many Scandinavian men swoon at petite, dusky ladies. It makes a change from the normal tall, blonde, slim but busty women they are surrounded by everyday.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Dont confuse emotion with the DNA drive of thousands of years of evolution. That drive is what propagated the species. Beautiful women will always catch his eye but if he is a one that doesn't stray then it means nothing. A reflex if you will.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

catfan said:


> My bf likes Jessica Alba. I understand, I like some actors too. But the actors I like are a) not that attractive for most ladies b) a lot like him in features, hair etc.
> 
> I'm everything Jessica Alba is not, I'm tall, blond, average size and older than him. I'm not petite.
> I just don't understand he can be into me, as his ex was petite and dark too.
> ...


The funny thing is, most of the actors and actresses don't look like the actors and actresses you see in movies and pictures


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Jessica Alba is F-ing hot! thats all i got to say!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Your SO is being honest and open about his feelings.

Embrace it not chase it and try to become the person you are no.

He is NOT asking you to become that person and most likely loves you/likes you for who you are.

I think you are simply confused OP and taking his communications to the extreme.

Let it go, it's ok.


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

Do I think certain celebrities are attractive.. yes, have I ever had any crush or fantasies about them... nope.

Do I often find women that I meet/talk to fantasizable , frequently...... 

The older I get however, their size, hair color, ethnicity, matters less and less.. That they are sharp witted, warm, confident yet approachable matters more and more....


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

ericthesane said:


> The older I get however, their size, hair color, ethnicity, matters less and less.. That they are sharp witted, warm, confident yet approachable matters more and more....


I like to put it differently.

Don't judge the book by it's cover. If anything be VERY concerned the the cover looks good. Who they are and HOW they are are WAY more important than looks. In most cases, 9s and 10s are 1s and 2s on "great people scale", but not always of course.

Don't be blinded by beauty, there is WAY more work to uncover the true person behind the curtains.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I've found my taste in celebrity's has changed over time. In the past I was attracted to celebrities with body types similar to my wife at the time. Now I find myself more attracted to celebrities with body types similar to my girlfriend of the past 10 years. 

I guess I'm picking celebrities based on my partner...not my partner based on celebrities.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Not Jessica Alba*



FLman said:


> Have been in Netherlands a few times, most still speak better english than most of us here!
> 
> May I ask what sort of bullying you went through, I have a European wife and she makes it sounds that such things never occur there.
> 
> ...


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Not Jessica Alba*



DavidWYoung said:


> Your boyfriend has ties to you. You are real. You breath, you smell, you laugh, you make him think.
> 
> The actress that you spoke of is not real. He has no ties to her. He will never speak to her, he will never hear her voice and breath in his ear. He will never smell her on a pillow. She is just an image, pixels, nothing more.
> 
> ...


Very true, I'm still dealing with the past. The bullying and my father leaving 'programmed' me on feeling less worthy and very distrusting. I will have a talk to my therapist soon, about other ways to change my train of thoughts.


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## FLman (Nov 6, 2013)

catfan said:


> FLman said:
> 
> 
> > Have been in Netherlands a few times, most still speak better english than most of us here!
> ...


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## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

Jessica Alba is average girl in my opinion. Yes she is pretty but lots of girls are too.
My husband like Scarlett and I like her too


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

bestwife said:


> Jessica Alba is average girl in my opinion. Yes she is pretty but lots of girls are too.
> My husband like Scarlett and I like her too


Wow, I'd like to live where you live if she's average.


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## Cochise (May 8, 2014)

I don't have a celebrity crush, I think that's kind of weird, though it doesn't seem to be that uncommon. I do sometimes fantasize about my wife when she was at a healthier weight, however.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

marduk said:


> Wow, I'd like to live where you live if she's average.


Beautiful women are all around pretty much everywhere, and most of them don't need personal trainers, professional make up artists, and photoshop to get that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I think Jessica Alba is really hot.

I also think Candice Swanepoel is hot and she doesn't look like Jessica Alba. Same with Christina Hendricks, Kim Kardashian, Stacey Dash, and about a billion different women who aren't the same "type."


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Celeb crushes have nothing to do with reality. At least I'd better believe that, or I'd have to worry about my wife finding a Johnny Depp look-alike, and frankly, it doesn't seem worth the effort.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

GTdad said:


> Celeb crushes have nothing to do with reality. At least I'd better believe that, or I'd have to worry about my wife finding a Johnny Depp look-alike, and frankly, it doesn't seem worth the effort.


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## TheStruggleIsReal (Jun 1, 2014)

My wife is hot when she wants to be. And that's never. I have to convince her sometimes that her hair is frizzy..and TRUST me I'm nowhere near that shallow. I just know bad hair when I see it. 

I've seen her potential and she just doesn't care about the way she looks. At all. 

Needless to say, looks aren't everything, but they sure do help and I've got to say you are pretty attractive. And btw, Jessica Alba is my favorite actress as well.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

I was asked in front of a group of friends which actress I thought was hot. I could not think very clearly and came out with somebody that did not look at all like my wife. And my wife was hurt by this (you know: Why does he pick me when clearly his type is something I am not?). I was actually trying to pick somebody that was totally different so that my wife would not feel that she has any competition. I don't quite understand my logic even now, but I was trying to select somebody that was "universally" though to be hot so that my actual taste was hidden.

In reality, I find women that have similar features to my wife get me excited - celebrity or not. What I want my wife to know is that I love her features and her, and that when I am close to her, or that I can see her, I am excited by her. What I don't want her to know is that somebody with similar features also gets me excited because it reminds me of her and her features (I do not want her to think for a second that I would trade her for somebody else - no matter how close a look alike).

Also, images on the screen of somebody you can not have are not a very good indication of taste. There is so much more to a person than what the camera can capture.

I hope that helps rather than confuses you.


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## Dredd (Apr 16, 2014)

catfan said:


> My bf likes Jessica Alba. I understand, I like some actors too. But the actors I like are a) not that attractive for most ladies b) a lot like him in features, hair etc.
> 
> I'm everything Jessica Alba is not, I'm tall, blond, average size and older than him. I'm not petite.
> I just don't understand he can be into me, as his ex was petite and dark too.
> ...


Blind post: Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt aren't any more attractive than any other attractive guy. The only reason they _seem_ hotter is because more eyes are on them. There are most likely much hotter men in the backwoods of Texas, and every other state. They're just "not as hot" as Depp, because 200 million women haven't seen them.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Being attractive and being hot are two totally different things. I find my wife to be hot, but her attitude sucks at times, so it's whatever.


Sorry guys, but Jessica Alba is most definitely not hot! Attractive maybe, but not hot. I cant think of maybe 2-3 women in my entire life that I have ever found hot. There again, I don't think any of the women mentioned are hot. So take that for what is worth.

My wife on the other hand has had a crush on Johnny Depp for years. I told her if she thought she could get away with it knock herself out. lol

Celebrities are pixels. Nothing more.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

You've mentioned the past bullying quite a lot. I think, possibly, that you've never quite gotten over it. Now, you still question yourself needlessly. 

Try to let that go. Now is what matters. You are beautiful and should realize it. Re-direct that energy you spend doubting and worrying toward yourself. You'll be surprised just how attractive it will make you.


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