# changed password



## briansmith (Mar 2, 2013)

A few years back my wife had a EA on line/email/text and i discovered it and confronted her with it. Big blow out smoke settles and an old high school buddy gets ahold of her. Hes coming to town and want to get coffee. Fine but not really and she goes but they didn't go get coffee, they spent the evening in his hotel room. I saw our van at the hotel so i waited till 2am to see her leave and head back home. I confronted her on it and she denies anything happened and i believe her or really try to which is hard after her EA but i saw the guy and he is very, very over weight and i just dont think it was anything but try to tell her how bad it looked and you just dont do that when ur in a relationship. Time goes by and pops up another school buddy from facebook. Im not really having this time around but they call each other text and stuff and she swears nothing is going on but we start having problems about the time this new guy pops up. Well we have had it tough but we are working on ourselfs but tonight i find her email password written down and its Montana74, the state this guy lives in and her birth year. Well if he is just a friend whats with the new password? Should i confront her on it? I know if i do its going to be a fight about how i dont trust her but dammit i really dont. She refuses to get me access to her facebook, text emails. Says its a lack of trust, really i wonder why. I just want to be able to trust her. Am i asking for to much.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

You believe her when she says she didn't do anything? Really? :slap:

Hmm... Lets see, They go into a hotel room in the evening and she comes out at 2AM. Yeah they definitely stayed up playing cards all night.

You're probably easily fooled. She pulled the wool over your eyes once and she's doing it again. 

If you do stay with her......well what can I say, maybe some people do get cheated on because it is their fault, their fault being that they've not learnt from previous experiences. Wake up and open your eyes.


PS: Forget about getting access to her facebook and emails by making requests. Install a keylogger and you'll get what you want. But what you really should be doing is visiting a good lawyer and having her served.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

you don't trust her after the earlier affair understandably....

it takes a long time to rebuild trust once it has been broken... in an effort to earn your trust, She needs to give you full access to her online activities. I wouldn't have a problem letting my partner see my facebook emails texts etc... why? because I have nothing to hide from him. 

she has no business being in a hotel with any man, unless you are with her. 

if she is serious about making your relationship work after her betrayal then she should understand that passwords will need to be shared and shell need to give you full disclosure on everything.

I would sit her down and make it very clear that if your going to be together that there are some rules she'll need to follow and if she doesn't, leave her. 

I would tell her there should be no more conversations with other men, no meetings with other men unless you are included. She needs to allow you to see her online activities, her phone etc... until you feel comfortable with her honesty again. She betrayed you so its her own fault for losing her privacy... 

I am sorry this is happening to you..


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Throw the piece of paper away so she doesn't realise she left it lying around, then quietly monitor. Don't let on you know ANYTHING til it is irrefutable proof. This is VERY important. If you want talking through the process, post here before you do anything, especially before confronting.

Install a keylogger.

She is absolutely cheating. Sorry.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

If you walked out of a hotel room after being with another woman regardless what that woman looked like do you think your wife would believe nothing happened?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

briansmith said:


> Hes coming to town and want to get coffee. Fine but not really and she goes but they didn't go get coffee, they spent the evening in his hotel room. I saw our van at the hotel so i waited till 2am to see her leave and head back home. I confronted her on it and she denies anything happened and i believe her or really try to which is hard after her EA but i saw the guy and he is very, very over weight and i just dont think it was anything but try to tell her how bad it looked and you just dont do that when ur in a relationship.


She went there to have sex with him. No other reason to go to a hotel. PERIOD. You can talk at a diner.

And it wouldn't take your WW till 2 am to NOT have sex with him because he was too fat.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

Keylogger. Told me all I needed to know. WS told me they were "catching up on on times" until after midnight or he was "bonding with her son because he had no father figure" uh yeah the son is a grown a$$ 40 year who does not need bonding with. The only bonding WS did was by pounding on mama until midnight. I knew already by gut instinct but keylogger gave me proof. 

I also tricked him in to admitting there were vids/pics of them going at it. I suspected but I told him to get rid of all pics/vids/texts and he said "how do you know about those" uh I didn't for sure but now I do. Then later he said I only caused myself more heartache by getting into his phone to see them, I had not gotten into his phone, but wish I could. 

I say something happened in the hotel room more than talking. I say she should allow you to have her FB password, but you can get it with a keylogger. My WS has my FB password. My WS set up a "special" email for them as well, but I check it and see what is going on. Most of their convo is via text and phone calls. 

Hate you are here for this reason, but she is cheating. No reason why you cannot join them for coffee, dinner etc.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Ouch, im sorry your here, the red flags are seriously seriously flying. 

You need to seriously pick up a copy of divorce busters, and get the 180 going. Your in serious denial, I understand, who wants to believe that their spouse could do that. But read the 100's of posts below yours, it does indeed happen.

Kids involved? She must be about 39-40 in age? She's going to be rewriting marital history soon on you, talk about how unhappy she's been for years, you are gonna be the brunt of all blame, she's gonna make YOU feel guilty about her affairs so she feels justified to continue with them. And, of course, your gonna take that blame and try to "fix" things and make it all better.

Let me save you a little time, right now theres NOT much you can do. Begging, crying, pleading is the WORST thing you can do. You will only push her further towards him. She's gonna need to see that this fat slob isn't "the grass could be greener" guy. Get the VAR, voice activated recorder, put it under the seat of her car, you'll get the evidence you think you need. Its there already, you just don't want to believe it.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

As previously said. You now need to be in stealth mode. Document, have multiple copies stored in places she would never ever find. Consult an attorney(s) as to your rights. I know this is going to be tough, but you now need to watch your own back.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You can't trust her because she doesn't deserve that trust. Don't expect her behavior to stop. She probably has a lot of school friends that will show up on Facebook.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I have a lot of old high school and college friends on FB, both male and female. It's interesting catching up and seeing what everyone is up to these days.

I absolutely would never meet up with any of the male friends on a one-on-one basis, because it is totally inappropriate.

I might meet up with a mixed group, but I would be sure my H knew about it.

The only one I would ever meet up with alone would be my best friend from Uni, and I'd only meet him alone because he is extremely gay, so is no threat to my marriage.

And even then if my H wanted to come I wouldn't mind.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Read the newbie link at the bottom of my post, will help you.

The first time this happened you rug swept it and did not get the truth, do you really think for one second they didn't have sex in the hotel room? because she said so...really :scratchhead:

Dosent matter if he is an ogre, looks have nothing to do with it, bud sorry to say but you were played.

It's all about boundaries man, what are yours? figure that out and make a plan, the newbie link will help you with that, please take the time to read it.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

briansmith said:


> A few years back my wife had a EA on line/email/text and i discovered it and confronted her with it. Big blow out smoke settles and an old high school buddy gets ahold of her. Hes coming to town and want to get coffee. Fine but not really and she goes but they didn't go get coffee, they spent the evening in his hotel room. I saw our van at the hotel so i waited till 2am to see her leave and head back home. I confronted her on it and she denies anything happened and i believe her or really try to which is hard after her EA but i saw the guy and he is very, very over weight and i just dont think it was anything but try to tell her how bad it looked and you just dont do that when ur in a relationship. Time goes by and pops up another school buddy from facebook. Im not really having this time around but they call each other text and stuff and she swears nothing is going on but we start having problems about the time this new guy pops up. Well we have had it tough but we are working on ourselfs but tonight i find her email password written down and its Montana74, the state this guy lives in and her birth year. Well if he is just a friend whats with the new password? Should i confront her on it? I know if i do its going to be a fight about how i dont trust her but dammit i really dont. She refuses to get me access to her facebook, text emails. Says its a lack of trust, really i wonder why. I just want to be able to trust her. Am i asking for to much.


When you saw your van at the hotel why the heck didn't you go an knock and spend time with your wife and her friend? This is the part I am really having trouble understanding.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> When you saw your van at the hotel why the heck didn't you go an knock and spend time with your wife and her friend? This is the part I am really having trouble understanding.


If he is like me the time would have not been spent nicely. The W had an EA in the past, so she was not beyond doing this again, and I would have lost control and done something I might have regretted later on.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

If you believe nothing happened then I have a bridge to sell you. Who goes to a hotel room at that hour and does nothing? Most of us married folk would realize how that looks at not put ourself or our spouse in that position, esp if we didn't intend for anything to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If have a keylogger installed yesterday and I'd be seeing if I could find old messages from back when she had sex with the guy in his room. Sorry, but it just screams that is what she did.

I'd also be c-blocking any attempt to meet up with thus new guy.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Background info from an earlier thread..
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/86657-17-years-shot-hell.html


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Interesting.

Brian, do you write to vent or because you actually want to progress?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Are you sure it's a password and not a username for a dating website or something?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Sounds like a serial cheater.
looks like a serial cheater.
acts like a serial cheater.

hhhhmmmmm... The first big mistake you made was believing her. By believing her what you really did was say. I just need to be more careful when i sneak out to bang someone else. She is in PR mode and will manipulate you and use your love for her to mask her actions. There is an link to an evidence gathering thread in my signature use it. Please use that and if you have questions feel free to ask. And if you wanna tell everyone the lies she told that's what the lie and the truth is for. to show the BS the lies the WS is willing to tell to get away with the A.


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## briansmith (Mar 2, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Are you sure it's a password and not a username for a dating website or something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Positive it's a password for gmail.


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## briansmith (Mar 2, 2013)

Remains said:


> Interesting.
> 
> Brian, do you write to vent or because you actually want to progress?


both, need to vent and to progress. We have to kids together. Its sad that she is just willing to stop this crap.


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## briansmith (Mar 2, 2013)

I found out about first EA with a keylogger. She longer uses a computer but her phone. prepaid straight talk phone so no way of getting ahold of the text/call logs. Face book also but its set up to send a code to her phone to log in. As for actually having sex with another man she could have dont that but these guys all live out of state well except for the hotel guy he lives about 4 hr from here. Im thinking she want to have her cake and eat it too. I think she feels if she actually admitted to the affairs i would be gone. we are not living together right now due to this and a big fight we had over all this but im around eveyday for the kids. I recently lost my job and she works full time so im able to be at the house to cook for the kids and such. Im sure she is worried i would just walk away like her dad and step dad did and not be there for the kids. Would never do that that but at the same time i feel like she needs a wake up call. If you dont think ur mad is good enough then maybe u need to see what its like to not have one around at all.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

"*they spent the evening in his hotel room. I saw our van at the hotel so i waited till 2am to see her leave and head back home. I confronted her on it and she denies anything happened and i believe her *"

You're screwing with us right? You can't be serious... are you serious?

If she's this blatant, going to a hotel room with another man(AND SHE MOST LIKELY HAD SEX WITH HIM) - What do you think she's done behind your back?...


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## briansmith (Mar 2, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> "*they spent the evening in his hotel room. I saw our van at the hotel so i waited till 2am to see her leave and head back home. I confronted her on it and she denies anything happened and i believe her *"
> 
> You're screwing with us right? You can't be serious... are you serious?
> If she's this blatant, going to a hotel room with another man(AND SHE MOST LIKELY HAD SEX WITH HIM) - What do you think she's done behind your back?...


Honest to God I don't think she saw anything wrong with it. She says most her friends from school were guy and seems to be complety Nineveh to guys motives but that excuse has worn thin. You would think by no she would have admitted to having affairs. She admits to the first but not the last two. Swears its nothing but friends. I have asked for her password to facebook and access to her phone but she refuses. She would actually rather have her relationship with me end that to give me access to it all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

briansmith said:


> She would actually rather have her relationship with me end that to give me access to it all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have no boundaries here. If she would rather that happen then oblige her. Pack her bags and put them on the stoop. You are just being used here. Demand your respect!


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

We are "Kamikazi" Tanaka
You are Cerrano

You have no marbles - YouTube

Just sayin'

~Passio


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

briansmith said:


> Honest to God I don't think she saw anything wrong with it. She says most her friends from school were guy and seems to be complety Nineveh to guys motives but that excuse has worn thin. You would think by no she would have admitted to having affairs. She admits to the first but not the last two. Swears its nothing but friends. I have asked for her password to facebook and access to her phone but she refuses. She would actually rather have her relationship with me end that to give me access to it all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then let it. She needs boundaries and refuses them. Now is the time to be a 
Strong and confident man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

briansmith said:


> Honest to God I don't think she saw anything wrong with it. She says most her friends from school were guy and seems to be complety Nineveh to guys motives but that excuse has worn thin. You would think by no she would have admitted to having affairs. She admits to the first but not the last two. Swears its nothing but friends. I have asked for her password to facebook and access to her phone but she refuses. She would actually rather have her relationship with me end that to give me access to it all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ADULTS in an affair don't check into hotel rooms to talk, play chess, or play video games. They check into hotel rooms to have sex. If you seriously believe they didn't have sex, then she has you thoroughly gas lighted. So what if he's severely overweight. She's overweight too. He makes her feel thin and attractive. We've seen here in story after story, many times the OM/OW is ugly, fat, a scumbag/skank,etc. It doesn't matter if they are way below you on the sex rank scale....all they have to be is different. You're probably thinking "He's a whale, there's no possible way she would bang him". Well, think again.

She's not into fixing the relationship with you because she knows she has you on the hook because of your actions. You're there all the time, freely available. You're the reliable babysitter to her now, who cooks, cleans, and does everything. And the best thing to her, is that you have to go away. I'm sure you've heard the expression, having their cake and eating it too. Well, it's obvious that she's cake eating. 

*Instead of being there all the time and attending to her needs, spend time and effort in looking for another job and working on your fitness and appearance. Coming over everyday like Mrs Doubtfire is not making you any more attractive to her. Work on yourself and don't do it for her, do it for yourself. Detach, detach, detach.*


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

briansmith;2660745[B said:


> ]Honest to God I don't think she saw anything wrong with [/B]it. *She says most her friends from school were guy and seems to be complety Nineveh to guys :scratchhead::scratchhead:Seriously??after all this? No my friend you are both naive and in denail...She is perfectly caperble to gras what se has done and still does...*motives but that excuse has worn thin. You would think by no she would have admitted to having affairs. She admits to the first but not the last two. Swears its nothing but friends. I have asked for her password to facebook and access to her phone but she refuses. *She would actually rather have her relationship with me end that to give me access to it all And i guess you think still is SHE naive right?[/COLOR]
> Posted via Mobile Device[/i][/size]*


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

briansmith said:


> ... *my wife had a EA on line/email/text* and i discovered it and confronted her with it.
> 
> ...* they spent the evening in his hotel room*. I saw our van at the hotel so i waited till 2am ...I confronted her on it and she denies anything happened
> 
> ...another school buddy from facebook.....t*hey call each other text and stuff* and she swears nothing is going on


briansmith, 

Let me make this a whole lot easier for you. You really do not need to go through all this angst and distrust and wondering if you should or should not confront her or trust her. Let me make this very simple. 

Remember when you and your wife got married? You stood before your families and your friends--even her old high school friends--and she promised to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS for you and only you. SHE was not forced into making this promise, and it means that she owes you 100% of her AFFECTION and her LOYALTY. 

If you look at the parts above in bold, you'll see that those are actions she has done. She had an emotional affair WITH ANOTHER MAN--see how that is not giving you 100% of her AFFECTION and her LOYALTY? She hooked up with a male friend at his hotel room. See how that is not giving you 100% of her AFFECTION and her LOYALTY? She is texting and facebooking and calling yet a third man! See how that is not giving you 100% of her AFFECTION and her LOYALTY? 

Everyone is human and makes mistakes--and some mistakes are real doozies!!-- but this is not a "mistake." This is a pattern. It is utterly crystal clear by her actions that she does not intend to keep her promise to give you 100% of her AFFECTION and her LOYALTY. 



> Should i confront her on (the Montana74 password)? I know if i do its going to be a fight about how i dont trust her but dammit i really dont. *She refuses to get me access to her facebook, text emails. Says its a lack of trust.*
> 
> ... Am i asking for to much?


No you are not asking too much. The whole point of marriage vows is that you both promise to forsake ALL OTHERS and to become exclusively intimate with your spouse. That doesn't just mean sex, my man! It means that you are emotionally intimate and share your feelings. It means that you are intellectually intimate and share your thoughts. It means that you are spiritually intimate and share worship, morals, values, and grow in maturity. 

Part of INTIMACY is sharing yourself fully with your spouse. That means letting your spouse know truthfully what you are doing, where you're going, who you're doing it with, why you're doing it, and when you'll do it and when you'll be done and come home. It means letting them into your heart and mind so they see your real intentions and your motivations and who YOU really are! 

You are right, brian. It is related to trust, and here's the truth: it is not a trust "issue"! In fact, you do trust her: you trust that she will lie to you! 

See in order to earn someone's trust, a person has to behave in a trustworthy way. See that? Trust WORTHY...worthy of trust. If I wanted you to trust me, I'd have to not just talk but also ACT in a way so that my words and my actions matched. And after my words and actions matched for a while, you would begin to trust my honesty. If my words said one thing but my actions did another...you'd trust me alright! You'd trust my dishonesty!! 

So don't fall for her :bsflag: B.S. She has not given you one reason to trust her. In fact, she has repeatedly and consistently demonstrated by her actions that she is not trust WORTHY!! 

Confront her? I don't see any point. She is going to lie to you, as she has done consistently before--and probably try to blameshift with that whole "You don't trust me if you want to see my facebook and email..." malarkey. Brian she has consistently demonstrated that she is a cheater and that she will not honor her promise and give you 100% of her AFFECTION and her LOYALTY. You really do not need any more confrontation, and she is not going to change. I suggest that you just decide if you are willing to live in an open marriage or not. If not, then I suggest that you either stay in the marital home, pack her things, and leave them on the front porch...OR you take the kids with you and at least get temporary custody and a separation agreement with child support. You are the primary caregiver and parent and there is no reason whatsoever that you couldn't keep and raise the kids.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

OP - THE only explanation of why she won't let you have access to her email/FB etc is that she has something (marriage breaking) to hide. There is no other reasonable reason...is there? 

Why doesn't that anger you more... I'd be furious if my H did this to me. This would be a deal breaker to me...especially considering the issue at hand and her behaviour.

Great marriages don't have secrets like this...it's not healthy and it kills the connection between a couple but you already know this don't you. I'm sure you feel it.

In your shoes i would have to assume the worst if the truth was being purposefully withheld like this... what are you going to do now?

She is only treating you like this...because she can. Because you're letting her.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

briansmith said:


> Honest to God I don't think she saw anything wrong with it. She says most her friends from school were guy *and seems to be complety Nineveh *to guys motives but that excuse has worn thin. You would think by no she would have admitted to having affairs. She admits to the first but not the last two. Swears its nothing but friends. I have asked for her password to facebook and access to her phone but she refuses. She would actually rather have her relationship with me end that to give me access to it all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you meant "naive", she isn't the only one...


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## briansmith (Mar 2, 2013)

Oh i know whats up and i know what the other guys want. I have a family to try and save. I haven't taken this laying down either. In face as i mentioned in a previous thread, what has been happening lead to a big blow out between us and it got physical which i am not proud of in the very least. Now let me say that i did not beat her, blacken an eye or bust a lip but i did hit her in a leg and im sickened over what i did but i snapped. Out of 17 years i have never touched her like that but this time i just lost it. No excuse i know but honestly things lead up to it but i still was wrong. I had gone over 6 month with no physical attention at all from her. It all started with the last guy that came into contact with her and we started fighting over it so i got cut off and my love lang is physical touch which i read about after the fact. I dont know way i allowed my self to be treated like this and pushed to the point of being physical. We have two kids and i want my family but she just is not willing to stop, still to this day swears nothing has happened with any of the guys and that there are no feeling for this new guys she is calling , old friend from school but i just dont by it anymore. Now im sure im going to be crucified now for admitting to a physical fight and that is fine as i know what i did was wrong.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

"I dont know way i allowed my self to be treated like this.."

And within this statement is the key to your problems. You are allowing yourself to be trampled on, totally disrespected and haven't a first idea why you think yourself so undeserving of even basic humanity and kindness from your wife. Let alone the need for boundaries within a relationship.

I don't condone the physical abuse, but I understand the pressure you must be feeling, letting her get away with her behaviour towards you with zero consequences is, ultimately, a great disservice to yourself and your children. 

Man up, take the bull by the horns, do what needs to be done and take control. or standby for even greater pressure and out of control actions from your simmering and unacknowledged resentment.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

briansmith said:


> Oh i know whats up and i know what the other guys want. I have a family to try and save. I haven't taken this laying down either. In face as i mentioned in a previous thread, what has been happening lead to a big blow out between us and it got physical which i am not proud of in the very least. Now let me say that i did not beat her, blacken an eye or bust a lip but i did hit her in a leg and im sickened over what i did but i snapped. Out of 17 years i have never touched her like that but this time i just lost it. No excuse i know but honestly things lead up to it but i still was wrong. I had gone over 6 month with no physical attention at all from her. It all started with the last guy that came into contact with her and we started fighting over it so i got cut off and my love lang is physical touch which i read about after the fact. I dont know way i allowed my self to be treated like this and pushed to the point of being physical. We have two kids and i want my family but she just is not willing to stop, still to this day swears nothing has happened with any of the guys and that there are no feeling for this new guys she is calling , old friend from school but i just dont by it anymore. Now im sure im going to be crucified now for admitting to a physical fight and that is fine as i know what i did was wrong.


Yes getting physical was wrong, no doubt, you probably knew this the second you did it, but the problem is this is born out of frustration because you didn't resolve the previous issue and now this one pops up and the whole cycle begins again.

Those who've been cheated on know it's a gut punch no one ever likes to feel. Sitting there in that car, wondering what was going on, the images, can't have been pleasant.

Let's be honest, your wife is never going to come clean, but if past behaviors are an indicator, if one got caught in a compromising position (if it was innocent) would make sure they would never be caught in that position again for the sake of the marriage and out of respect for their partner.

So even after being caught, she now starts up another "friendship", except this time, it's a road that's been traveled before. You've now seen all the signs, detaching, passwords, secrecy. She's not willing to do what's necessary because let's face it, she got away with it last time, and now you put your hands on her. Now she'll detach even more, and her "friend" will be her escape, emotional as it is now..well you know the ending.

You say you're aware of what's going on. You say you're not going to take it laying down. But fact is you are. You're not going to leave, and she has shown she's not going to change. So what's the outcome when you have two immovable objects on a collusion course? Well you already know that don't you?

So what is worse? Your kids seeing daddy put his hands on mom? I mean you are separated right now right? Or showing her that her actions, if she continues on this course will not be you laying your hands on her, but you giving her a divorce.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Brian,

She will continue to deny until you have irrefutable proof. But do you really need to convince her? 

You just need to convince you. And all the evidence is there. Night at a hotel with an old flame? Password on FB? Burner phone? No sex with you? Previous EA? Mostly guy "friends" in HS?

You married a cheater, buddy. Sorry.

Cheaters lie. 

Your WW is following the cheater's script. It's nothing new.

You cannot fix her. She is broken and disordered...a pathological liar with the ability to compartmentalize her life (live a double life).

This isn't your fault. The only thing you have to ask yourself is if you are going to tolerate a relationship with her any longer.

Don't worry about the kids. It all works out. I've been there. So have tons of other guys in your shoes. This forum is littered with stories almost exactly like yours.

My advice: Go get a lawyer and file for divorce. This will be a big wake up call for her. If, after she is served, she shows genuine remorse and wants to reconcile, then you can go that route if you want. There are plenty of stories and guidelines here to help you with that journey, should you choose it. 

Otherwise, divorce her cheating @ss and go find a real woman.

Stop letting her bamboozle you. Stop being a doormat. It's time.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Don't beat yourself up for hitting her leg, the 1st time you have been physical with her in 17years. I think you did pretty damn well to have only done that TBH. Congratulate yourself on keeping your cool so well under the circumstances. And don't do it again!


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

briansmith said:


> We have two kids and i want my family but she just is not willing to stop


Below are quotes from your past and current threads.

“I love my wife, not actually married but we have been together for 17 years with 3 kids so i feel like she is my wife. Since late October she has cut of sex, not only sex but any affection at all, no hand holding, no kissing, nothing.”

“Years ago she had a high school reunion that she went to, well she never came home that night and never bothered to call. she shows up in the morning from a night of drink with old buddies at a hotel room.” “Jump to a few years back and my oldest daughter tells me that my wife is emailing some guy and the are professing their love to each other.” “Well it turns out its the same guy that she stayed out all night with at the reunion, in fact one of the emails even talked about their night together, im still not clear if anything happened that night, the wife says nothing did but why should i believe her. We fight and fight about it till she finally opens up about why she was having an EA with this guy.”

“Well he fades out of the picture and lo and behold a friend from facebook that she knew in school contacts her, he is coming to town to she his dying mom and want to get coffee with my wife. I said it was cool but deep down it wasnt with me. She said they were going to McD for coffee and that he was staying at the capri motel. Well my curiosity got the best of me so i drive by the hotel and there is my van, wait a minute i thought they were going to McD. I stake it out for hours and then i see them leave his room.”

“Oh and let me clarify we are not living together right now, she has her own place with the kids but im there everyday, just dont sleep there. also we were never legally married. I just call her my wife since we have been together for 17 years”

“A few years back my wife had a EA on line/email/text and i discovered it and confronted her with it. Big blow out smoke settles and an old high school buddy gets ahold of her. Hes coming to town and want to get coffee. Fine but not really and she goes but they didn't go get coffee, they spent the evening in his hotel room. I saw our van at the hotel so i waited till 2am to see her leave and head back home.”

“Time goes by and pops up another school buddy from facebook. Im not really having this time around but they call each other text and stuff and she swears nothing is going on but we start having problems about the time this new guy pops up. Well we have had it tough but we are working on ourselfs but tonight i find her email password written down and its Montana74, the state this guy lives in and her birth year.”

“I recently lost my job and she works full time so im able to be at the house to cook for the kids and such.”

Put them altogether and you get the following picture:
1) That she stayed at out all night in a hotel room with a guy from her class reunion, that you now call an emotional affair (EA).
2) That she stayed with a different guy in his hotel room until 2AM.
3) You are not legally married.
4) That “Since late October she has cut of sex, not only sex but any affection at all, no hand holding, no kissing, nothing”.
5) That you no longer live with her.
6) That you lost your job and thus are no longer financially supporting her.
7) That there is no understanding of transparency such that she share passwords with you.

Obvious conclusion: She is not going to stop because she feels no reason to. You are not married either legally or in practice to this women and she feels free to date. If you were married she would have divorced you, but since you are not all she had to do was stop acting like your wife and make you move out. Sorry but you are fighting for something that is not there. She is only keeping you in her life to help with the children.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Women often separate to make it easier to cheat. We just had one guy in general board find out last night.

See my post history for that one.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Dude, you have to prove you didn't physically abuse your wife if she says you did even if you didn't. At best it will get you a couple of days in lock up until you can shake loose from the charges as well as her.
Nobody here will ever believe that she hides her passwords because she isn't doing anything anymore than they will believe she spent the night with the fat guy and nothing happened.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

TRy said:


> Below are quotes from your past and current threads.
> 
> “I love my wife, not actually married but we have been together for 17 years with 3 kids so i feel like she is my wife. Since late October she has cut of sex, not only sex but any affection at all, no hand holding, no kissing, nothing.”
> 
> ...


*I'd like to see OP's response to this*


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Keylog the comp for her fb pw if she uses the comp.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> Keylog the comp for her fb pw if she uses the comp.


 I often like your comments, but are you really sure that it is a good idea for him to Keylog a computer that he does not own, in a home that he does not live in, to a person that he is not married to and has not been intimate with since October, so that he can hack an account??? I do not think that this is a good idea.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> Keylog the comp for her fb pw if she uses the comp.


He already did with her other affair. Now she uses her phone exclusively.



briansmith said:


> I found out about first EA with a keylogger. She longer uses a computer but her phone. prepaid straight talk phone so no way of getting ahold of the text/call logs. Face book also but its set up to send a code to her phone to log in.


Problem is they've been separated for a while already. This woman is a serial cheater. I already suggested that he start looking for another job and working on his weight/fitness instead of being Mrs Doubtfire. He needs to listen to the advice here. She has the best possible arrangement imaginable for a cheater: 

She had him move out from the home so she can continue her affair without interruptions
He comes over every day to cook and clean and care for the children, and then has to leave.

Therefore, there is no real reason for her to fix their relationship. She can cake eat all she wants while keeping him as a backup plan. She has obviously no respect for him.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OK then bad idea. My bad. These threads blur sometimes. probability of PA is quite high so.

Simple then. Fri and Sat night.
1) get one of those magnetic GPSs if the car still has his name on it. Apply or just follow her if he is uncomfortable. Then again maybe he knows where the OM lives.
2) Find her
3) Take pics of her car at his place or vice versa
4) Divorce

Course may not matter depending on what state. Maybe just enough for him to process and move on. Which is my advice. Move on.


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