# what do I do about this horrible sexual difference



## JuliaIgnatius (Sep 27, 2011)

i have zero interest in sex with my boyfriend and he is really bothered by that. There was a small period of time where I was interested in him sexually, but that is normal for me with men, i'm bored very quickly. He noticed how much i was scared of getting pregnant and got a vasectomy a year ago but I still never wanted to have sex with him, even though I like that he can't get me pregnant. I moved in with him and I haven't had any interest in having sex with him since either . Normally, I swing between times of being sexually excited excessively, what I call my "season" where I can masturbate to anime porn multiple times a day for a few weeks and times where I have zero interest at all, and have had that for all my life. I only am really excited by sex when it is with a random new guy, I never was able to be consistently sexual with one person. What I was wondering was is it normal for him to always want sex and to never just get used to never having it? He says that normal is having sex 3-5 times a week and all this time of having very very little makes him feel disconnected from me and that it doesn't feel like a real relationship, he is very depressed and feels unwanted, unloved and says he needs passion in his life. I do try to have sex with him sometimes once a week, but it is horrible and I can't get wet at all. I feel like I'm trying but he feels like it isn't close to being normal and is still unhappy about our extreme sexual interest differences. I feel that sex doesn't have to be there in a relationship and he feels it does. I feel like he wants me to be his sexual slave which depresses me because I don't think sex needs to be what a relationship is based on Can you tell me what you think about our situation? Thanks


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Your boyfriend is a completely normal male. Desiring sexual contact several times a week is absolutely normal. I realize that you are not married, but if you are headed that way, know this: sex HAS to be a part of the relationship! This is what makes the relationship different from any other relationship you will ever had. Sex is a necessity to a strong, healthy marriage. If you cannot wrap your head around this, please let the poor guy go.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a guy, I'll say his sex drive is normal. Unless you want to continue a cycle of short term relationships, you may want to invest some time, effort, and possibly money into determining why your cycle is the way it is. Relatively few men would be happy with your expectations, although they are out there.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> I feel that sex doesn't have to be there in a relationship and he feels it does.


You are very wrong here.
What is an "Intimate" relationship without "Intimacy"?
It`s just a friendship, most men won`t stick around for that.

This guy has gone well out of his way for you (Vasectomy) don`t make him regret it.



> I feel like he wants me to be his sexual slave which depresses me because I don't think sex needs to be what a relationship is based on Can you tell me what you think about our situation? Thanks


I think you`re over reacting with the "sexual slave" comment.

As far as your relationship/situation, it`s already over if you don`t fix this problem.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Sexual fullfillment is the #1 emotional need of most men and is how they connect with their woman. No sex means no relationship. He sounds very normal.

He actually went out and got a vasectomy? Tell us he did not do that because you were afraid of getting pregnant? Don't tell me he did that because he perceived you guys would be having regular sex now.

You say you only get excited by the random new guy. Wow. So basically he will never be your sexual focus. So when you come into season are you seeking out other men? 

Sorry, but this sounds like he is in for some bad times. Men usually seek out women to have a fullfilling monogamous sexual relationship. Sure there are other needs that go with that. But no sex is a deal breaker for almost all men. What often happens is effectively the bait and switch, where there is a good sexual realtionship, the couple marries and for whatever reasons they fall into sexless marriages with one party or the other hanging in hoping that things get back to what they consider normal. This can go on for years of unhappiness and frustration.

Here is the deal though, there is nothing fulfilling about having sex with someone who is not passionately desiring you. It is just masturbation inside a vagina then. So I am thinking you need to seek out someone more compatible sexually. How old are you guys?

Why are you with him?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

If you can only enjoy sex if it is with a random new guy, looking into sexual addiction treatment would be helpful.

How about...I don't know... _having sex with your boyfriend during your "seasons" instead of compulsively masturbating to cartoon porn?_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> i have zero interest in sex with my boyfriend and he is really bothered by that.
> 
> I swing between times of being sexually excited excessively, what I call my "season" where I can masturbate to anime porn multiple times a day for a few weeks and times where I have zero interest at all, and have had that for all my life.
> 
> ...


Oh boy. 

Dump him. 

You guys have fundamental differences which will not make a happy or healthy relationship. 

He went as far as getting a vasectomy to placate you in order to satisfy your fears or never becoming pregnant. 

THAT IS MAJOR. 

If you don't want to have sex with him and he wants sex, then move it along.

Re: only getting wet for /wanting sex with new/random men--have you ever considered that maybe you're just not a monogamous person? If that is the case, be open with your partners from the beginning. 

It is normal for people in a committed relationship to have a sexual relationship. That is what distinguished a romantic relationshp from a platonic one. Granted, there are sexless relationships but those only work if both parties are ok with that arrangement. In your case, that isn't the deal. He wants to boff, you don't, so do yourself and him a favor and cut this relationship loose.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Do this poor guy a favor and leave.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Like everyone else has said, Leave this guy. If you look at a man's normal sex drive as asking you to be a "sex slave", then you should not be in a monogamous relationship. Stay single if you like the excitement of serial relationships. Don't keep him hanging around begging for something you cannot give.

I wince at the thought of him having a vasectomy for you. I hope he did it for himself.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There are myriad positions for young ladies interested in sex with random new guys. Those positions don't involve monogamous romantic relationships.


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## JuliaIgnatius (Sep 27, 2011)

are any of you here doctors or therapist? and if so can i see your credentials? i am having trouble believing what i'm hearing that he really is normal and that i'm so strange for thinking a man should be happy with a relationship having no sex but plenty of love and companionship. I truly do care for him, I just feel that he must be a pig for not being able to get over something that teenagers do. If there is some internet resource i can be linked to to prove me wrong that would be great too Thanks


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

This isn't about being normal or being abnormal, strange or unstrange.

You don't want sex, he does. You two aren't compatible. Break up.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> are any of you here doctors or therapist? and if so can i see your credentials? i am having trouble believing what i'm hearing that he really is normal and that i'm so strange for thinking a man should be happy with a relationship having no sex but plenty of love and companionship. I truly do care for him, I just feel that he must be a pig for not being able to get over something that teenagers do. If there is some internet resource i can be linked to to prove me wrong that would be great too Thanks


hes a pig but you masterbate to cartoons.and only enjoy it with strangers are you freaking kidden me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Julia,

If you ask for advice in an Internet forum, you can likely expect advice from untrained professionals. If you want professional advice, you probably have to pay for it. We amateurs have no stake in telling you anything but our own feelings about what our impression is. So you got honest "real person" input.

As ABM says, it's a compatibility issue. You have different expectations regarding intimacy in a relationship. But to carry that further, I suspect you'll have similar issues with your relationships in the future. Especially if you go for wild monkey sex in the beginning and then cool it down when it's no longer new and fun. The term "bait and switch" comes to mind...

Good luck with whatever you decide. Have you considered relationship counseling?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Troll ..........


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> hes a pig but you masterbate to cartoons.and only enjoy it with strangers are you freaking kidden me.
> 
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I almost want to make this my signature


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I was writing a thought out response, then just decided this:



Jellybeans said:


> Troll ..........


+1


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, many women do not have similar thoughts. Most women think that committed relationships involve sex and don't think that men are abnormal for wanting sex with their partners.


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> No, many women do not have similar thoughts. Most women think that committed relationships involve sex and don't think that men are abnormal for wanting sex with their partners.


It is interesting that most people answered that normal men will want sex in a marriage. Isn't the answer that normal _ people_ will want sex in a marriage? I suspect that a a significant percentage of women would not be happy with a husband who just says no to sex--at least before menopause and plenty thereafter. There are sure plenty of ladies on this board who complain that their husbands won't have sex with them.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Voiceofreason said:


> ...Isn't the answer that normal _ people_ will want sex in a marriage?


Yes its the human condition, which is why I assume OP is a troll.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> are any of you here doctors or therapist? and if so can i see your credentials? i am having trouble believing what i'm hearing that he really is normal and that i'm so strange for thinking a man should be happy with a relationship having no sex but plenty of love and companionship. I truly do care for him, I just feel that he must be a pig for not being able to get over something that teenagers do. If there is some internet resource i can be linked to to prove me wrong that would be great too Thanks


He really is the normal one. No credentials needed to know such a thing. I am not a meteorologist but I know that when someone is pissing on my leg it is not raining.

You don't get over having sex. You don't get married to not have sex. You marry to have monogmous sex with someone you love.

I suggest you do read a little bit about this incredible idea. Try His Needs Her Needs. It is written by someone wiht credentials.


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> are any of you here doctors or therapist? and if so can i see your credentials? i am having trouble believing what i'm hearing that he really is normal and that i'm so strange for thinking a man should be happy with a relationship having no sex but plenty of love and companionship. I truly do care for him, I just feel that he must be a pig for not being able to get over something that teenagers do. If there is some internet resource i can be linked to to prove me wrong that would be great too Thanks


Wow ... just wow ... yes holy crap, get a frickin' clue!

He is the normal one of the two of you. A sex drive is NOT something only teenagers have. If what you wrote is something you truly believe, then you should not be with him. It is NOT normal to expect him or any man with a sex drive (which is most men) to be OK with your way. You need to allow him the chance to find another woman who thinks he is normal.

It would be extraordinarily selfish of you to insist on keeping him in your life when you clearly will not satisfy his needs. If I was that guy, I would split up with you for this. Like yesterday.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> i have zero interest in sex with my boyfriend and he is really bothered by that. .......i'm bored very quickly. ........and got a vasectomy a year ago but I still never wanted to have sex with him....... I moved in with him and I haven't had any interest in having sex with him since either . ......... I only am really excited by sex when it is with a random new guy, I never was able to be consistently sexual with one person....... . I do try to have sex with him sometimes once a week, but it is horrible and I can't get wet at all. ........I feel that sex doesn't have to be there in a relationship and he feels it does......


If you are not a troll, your BF is clearly a walking dufass to be hanging on. And the man severed his chances of ever experiencing fatherhood - for someone who feels like a sexual slave for have God bestowed sexual desire. Is he aware you NEED a random new hammer to keep it exciting?



> He says that normal is having sex 3-5 times a week and all this time of having very very little makes him feel disconnected from me and that it doesn't feel like a real relationship, he is very depressed and feels unwanted, unloved and says he needs passion in his life...... . I feel like he wants me to be his sexual slave which depresses me because I don't think sex needs to be what a relationship is based on



Learn this lesson as a young woman.....Sex may only be less than 10% of any healthy relationship but when your other half is missing it , desiring it, craving it --and his/her lover is turned off by this, uncaring, unwilling, rejecting, no passion, no enthusiasm, sex slave mentality, always feels badgered for the others physical needs..... it WILL suddenly become 90% of your relationship problems = much pain, much suffering - it won't end well. 

DUMP HIM, spare him a life where his own hammer won't be miserable & lonely, let alone his heart. Let him find another who will love & cherish him and live to share emotional & sexual intimacy-with free flowing happiness -with JUST HIM , and Thank god for the ground he walks on. 

We all derserve such a partner -who loves us that much, that deep, that wide, that high. Sex is a HUGE part of marraige. It is our bonding glue. It has the power to make or break over very "spirit", and yes, how we FEEL loved.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

JuliaIgnatius,

The issue is not whether you are "normal" or not but whether you are a decent candidate for a long term relationship. I vote that you are not. Knowing you had no sexual interest in your BF, you passively allowed him to mutilate his own body in order to have sex with you...sex you knew you didn't want. By your own admission, you bore quickly and you're more interested in have new sex with random guys. Be who you are and have sex with random guys. Your "BF" apparently needs something a little more durable. There's no reason both of you can't have what you want.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> are any of you here doctors or therapist? and if so can i see your credentials? i am having trouble believing what i'm hearing that he really is normal and that i'm so strange for thinking a man should be happy with a relationship having no sex but plenty of love and companionship. I truly do care for him, I just feel that he must be a pig for not being able to get over something that teenagers do. If there is some internet resource i can be linked to to prove me wrong that would be great too Thanks



Un****ing believable!

You can't be serious, teenagers do it?
WTF?
Nobody is this clueless, I truly feel so sorry for your man.

You won't keep him, he'll easily find a woman who has half a clue and be gone.

I just pity him for thinking you were worth destroying his fertility for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## randomguy (Sep 30, 2011)

Maybe the OP is just really young. I didnt catch your age..... It does sound like you have a problem with monogamy. Have you cheated on your BF? If so, you should let him go, as I see a pattern of no sex, and wondering if you are faithful in his future. Which is not fair to him. And yes 3-5 times a week is pretty much what every male is shooting for. 

Since you enjoy anime so much, would it help if he wore a pokemon costume to bed? J/K


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sex is a HUGE part of a loving, intimate relationship. Without it, you have a good friendship, but he shouldn't be expected to stick around with someone who doesn't want sex.

Life's too short. If you don't want sex and he does, let him go. Find someone who thinks sex isn't necessary.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

JuliaIgnatius said:


> are any of you here doctors or therapist? and if so can i see your credentials? i am having trouble believing what i'm hearing that he really is normal and that i'm so strange for thinking a man should be happy with a relationship having no sex but plenty of love and companionship. I truly do care for him, I just feel that he must be a pig for not being able to get over something that teenagers do. If there is some internet resource i can be linked to to prove me wrong that would be great too Thanks


:rofl:

I think it's a troll too.

Something that TEENAGERS DO? :rofl: Ok...so....all these babies being born are only to teenagers?

Get a reality check.


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## sxLess (Oct 3, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Troll ..........


When I first read this I had thought "Why would you say that?"

Then I realized I had missed this:



JuliaIgnatius said:


> i am having trouble believing what i'm hearing that he really is normal and that i'm so strange for thinking a man should be happy with a relationship having no sex but plenty of love and companionship.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Ok, if he where to say umm stop hugging you or holding you or having any type of meaningful communication with you how would you feel. Probibly disconnected? Well this is how he feels. 
Any woman who starves her man for sex and then just has the attitude of he should just get over it, diserves to be cheated on. Stop being so selfish, is he this selfish with you?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Trollicus Maximus.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Post and run troll


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