# Army wife



## LovelyB (Mar 31, 2016)

My husband and I are having very difficult transitioning to the military life. My husband is always at work all the time and when he gets home he goes straight to his phone or he goes to sleep. I am a currently a stay at home mom of a 5 year old and 2 month old. The kids keeps me busy while he is at work. Since I'm stuck at home with kids ( don't get me wrong I love being a mom) I've been feeling so lonely. I've tried to tell him how I felt and that he should try to make a little time when he comes home from work. But every time I bring it up he always seem to make me feel guilty for feeling lonely. Like he will say "I'm doing this for y'all" "just let me know if you still want me to do this or not." And it just turns into a big fight that shouldn't even be. Understand that our family and friends are miles away. I have conversation with my 5 year old daughter. I love talking to her. But when my husband comes home from work I would just love to talk to him. It's a whole new life for us so I know it can get overwhelming at times and I understand that he is tired and he works long hours. But am I being selfish ? I'm wondering if theirs military wives out there who can give me an advice on how to handle this situation?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

That is your answer. Make friends with other military wives. Your husband can arrange this through his fellow married buddies. If you are on or near his base they have programs for spouses and children. 

If he is a Reservist or Guardsmen, talk to the full-time unit personnel, especially on drill weekends. They have annual get-togethers, picnics, Christmas parties, etc. You can meet people that way. Get a unit member roster from the unit clerk. See if there are families in the same unit that live nearby. 

He has just joined up. Give the process some time. It is not an easy life.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> That is your answer. Make friends with other military wives. Your husband can arrange this through his fellow married buddies. If you are on or near his base they have programs for spouses and children.
> 
> If he is a Reservist or Guardsmen, talk to the full-time unit personnel, especially on drill weekends. They have annual get-togethers, picnics, Christmas parties, etc. You can meet people that way. Get a unit member roster from the unit clerk. See if there are families in the same unit that live nearby.
> 
> He has just joined up. Give the process some time. It is not an easy life.


It's not an easy life for her either, especially with a five year old and an infant and a husband in the military. I don't think she should have to make friends elsewhere in lieu of being able to talk to her husband. That should be a priority for him as well. So I don't get your response.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

The military has groups for wives to join and pull to gether with one another. You need adult conversation in your day to day life. Find a few good female friends and support one another. 

My wife and I did not start having kids until I left the service. But she went through the the same when she became a SAHM. She broke down crying when she first expressed how she was feeling. 

We talked about it and she ended up working part time at a church day care/early learning center to fill the need she had for adult conversation, and she loved it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What does he do on his phone? And for how long?

He is doing FB? Txting? 

Does he carry his phone with him around the house?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Military marriages are hard, no question about it. But the military also has support systems in place for therapy and the key is to use it before you or he does something that will negatively effect your relationship.

I suggest to seek those services out. The military waivers thing is also good but be careful who you befriend. There are some military marriages that have certain understandings that I do not think you want to be involved in.

Use the support system.


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## LovelyB (Mar 31, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> What does he do on his phone? And for how long?
> 
> He is doing FB? Txting?
> 
> Does he carry his phone with him around the house?



No its not like that. I have 100% access to his phone he and leave him phone around be. I can go through his phone whenever I want to and I trust him. We both have iPhone and both share locations at all time so I can check on him anytime to see where he is at. I am Just a very cautions person I like for my husband to know where I am and I like to where he is at Just in case one of us get snatch up lol And us sharing location isn't about trust issue. His just likes to surf the Internet. He like to read so he reads the news stuff like that.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Get a copy of the book - 5 Love Languages - The Secret to Love that Lasts. Read it and see if H will read it.

If you want quick and free, there is a 5 Love Languages App quiz (android or iphone) that YOU and HIM each take. Compare the discuss the results.

Your love language seems to be "Quality Time". You need to hammer that home with him after you discuss the results.

My wife used to "complain" that I spend too much time on the phone/computer. But she spent MORE time on those devices than me and that was my rebuttal. What she was really telling me was that I was not spending enough loving time WITH HER. The quiz helped me a lot to understand her. H can take the quiz even if he is not with you and he can email your the results. The app has that feature.


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## GB McKenna (Apr 6, 2016)

Hope Shimmers said:


> It's not an easy life for her either, especially with a five year old and an infant and a husband in the military. I don't think she should have to make friends elsewhere in lieu of being able to talk to her husband. That should be a priority for him as well. So I don't get your response.


So do you also think if he got killed on the job that it would be his wife who would be the *real victim?* 

We are all responsible for your own happiness. Part of this is in our ability to articulate what we need from the relationships in our lives. Sometimes merely expressing needs is not enough. And there is no one-size-fits-all method to how we communicate such needs and expectations - and gratitude and respect for the other people in our lives and what they do for us. But we all share this need and this responsibility, so yes, he should be taking care of his needs to. It is not a stretch or a diversion to think that loneliness and feeling "stuck" at home is all about time with the husband.

Only she knows her husband and what works or doesn't. Reflecting on what has changed in this regard based on other contexts of life would be helpful. Continuing to take a bit more initiative in structuring time and situations in which they can be together (even without the kids). And sometimes there are just periods when people need to bite down and grind it out. The expectations need to be honestly explored as well. This is an area where other people can help too.

In any case, I'm not sure why you read making friends as foreclosing any other options. But it is a good idea for her to create opportunities to connect with other adults in meaningful ways - especially those who are going through or have gone through the unique aspects of being a military wife. 

Even just having a little time without the kids to step out and get a cuppa would help open up other channels of thought, reflection, and stimulation that may feed positively back into how she communicates with her husband.

She is lonely. And is "stuck" home with the kids. In my experience this is not just about her husband or his job. Working long hard days, being away from home, and the kinds of things that come up as a result are shared by both people in the marriage, but too often it seems to fall into the trap of some happiness quotient. 

We should be careful as to not be presumptuous in thinking he is not dealing with his own versions of personal sacrifice, his own loneliness, feeling stuck. It is a very tough thing to be away from his wife and kids and his job may very well be demanding and lack many of the freedoms that civies are accustomed to when it comes to their careers. 

When he gets home this very well may be the only time he has for himself all day. If he needs this time to do whatever he needs to do to provide for his family and perform at his job, that is a structural reality of their combined life choices. Now his statements "just let me know if you want me to this or not" are not fair, but again, its important to not get caught up in what is fair and then lose track of what he might be actually be communicating in these kinds of statements. He doesn't sound to jazzed about his days either.

I've been on the other side of this and seen the toll it takes on the men. And far too many times I've seen this "loneliness" manifest into all kinds of thing that end up doing damage. At least he is coming home at night. A great many do not get to. And many more never will.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Hope Shimmers said:


> It's not an easy life for her either, especially with a five year old and an infant and a husband in the military. I don't think she should have to make friends elsewhere in lieu of being able to talk to her husband. That should be a priority for him as well. So I don't get your response.


I agree. It is not easy for *ALL* involved, family members also.. Last I heard only 17% last the twenty years until retirement. 

This life is for the One-Percenters, not for the faint of heart.

God, Country, Family is the usual ordering of allegiances. Some service members do not believe in God. Their three-legged stool is missing a leg. But they do manage.....thank God...pun intended.

The military has great Family Services and Morale and Welfare Centers available for the family.

*Yes, for this mother with young children it will be very hard to cope....I do sympathize.* He sounds immature. He needs to step up in this marriage.

All involved have to accept this, or get out.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I am an Air Force wife here, my husband was in service for 27 years and is now retired from active duty and works for the AF in a civilian position. I understand where you are coming from. My husband rose thru the ranks and by the time he was top of his rank I hardly ever saw him. He was on an inspection team that traveled all of Europe. I might see him 7 days in one month, that's how much he was gone at times. I was raising 5 children and trying to work part-time. My work part-time really was a life saver as it allowed me some social time. We never lived near family and at first I found that really hard. I had left my family and all my friends to start a life with him. I can say I got real tired of the military sending us where ever they needed us but we made it work, made the best of each assignment. 

I felt like I was a single mom. When my husband was TDY with the guys he was drinking heavy....I think he enjoyed TDYS more than being home, it was a big party for him and home was responsibility which I am not so sure he wanted. By the time we had been married 12 years I decided I had to find my own life without considering him a part of it and I started traveling with my kids and going places I had wanted to go while he did his own thing. I took a cruise with two of my daughters to celebrate one of their 18th bday. My husband wasn't all that happy, his thoughts were the cost, but I/we had a right to live and be happy too. I created lots of social get togethers to meet the ladies and make friends. All were good for me.

As far as your husband getting on the phone after work and then going to bed, this really needs to be addressed and changed. It is very important that he spend time each evening with you as well as the children. My husband would come home from work and either plop himself in front of the TV or infront of the computer. When our husbands do this it creates a great deal of emotional distance which is not good for the marriage. I tried to talk to my husband about this and he might be good for a short time but he really never got better. He was only really interested in himself and what he wanted. Our last child is in college now and has her own life and I find myself doing everything by myself with no one to share good times with except my girlfriends, it is very lonely and not what I feel a marriage should be like. I finally gave up a trying to get him involved, it felt like I was the only one that cared and the only one trying. We have been together 27 years and I have finally reached a point that I am fed up and in the process of divorcing him.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

@AVR1962 that is so sad. When I get home I plop myself in from the computer. I will NOT do that tonight or ever again. Well, almost never.

OP, listen to those of us who have regrets we did not do things differently. You are young and strong. Do not accept and tolerate behavior that you know is wrong. Be firm but be reasonable in your marriage expectations and make sure that husband CLEARLY knows this. Do not be timid. Do not hint. Be calm but be direct. 

You want a husband and father to your children, not a provider and bunk mate. (Yes, I am sure he has some great qualities too)

This is your life, your kid's childhood and your future. Make it the best you can. 

BTW, you are not being selfish


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I am retired from active military, so I have a pretty clear understanding of the rigors of that lifestyle. It cost me my first marriage, and nearly my second.

Why? Because I was an @$$hole, pursuing career progression, and neglecting my spouse.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

AVR1962 said:


> As far as your husband getting on the phone after work and then going to bed, this really needs to be addressed and changed. It is very important that he spend time each evening with you as well as the children. My husband would come home from work and either plop himself in front of the TV or infront of the computer. When our husbands do this it creates a great deal of emotional distance which is not good for the marriage. I tried to talk to my husband about this and he might be good for a short time but he really never got better. He was only really interested in himself and what he wanted. Our last child is in college now and has her own life and I find myself doing everything by myself with no one to share good times with except my girlfriends, it is very lonely and not what I feel a marriage should be like. I finally gave up a trying to get him involved, it felt like I was the only one that cared and the only one trying. We have been together 27 years and I have finally reached a point that I am fed up and in the process of divorcing him.


This is where you will be if it cannot be addressed, OP.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

GB McKenna said:


> I've been on the other side of this and seen the toll it takes on the men. And far too many times I've seen this "loneliness" manifest into all kinds of thing that end up doing damage. At least he is coming home at night. A great many do not get to. And many more never will.


I get this. I really do.

But there is no valid excuse for a man, whether he is a Soldier or not, to neglect his family when he actually is home. 

And why?

For the very reason you are citing in this paragraph. He may end up on the wrong side of an IED while in the sandbox. 

Don't be so gracious for someones presence that you accept them not actually being engaged while present.

And never make someone a priority when you are just an option.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@AVR1962

I put 38 years in the military, most of it in the Reserves. I was deployed {for a full year, on three occasions} and was away... many, many weeks... many times. 

I hear your pain. I thank YOU for your service!

God Bless, and good luck!


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Don't buy the "I'm doing this for y'all" "just let me know if you still want me to do this or not." That is him being manipulative to guilt you into agreeing what HE wants to do. +


It's not manipulative if he is the only one working, it's the best job he could get, and provides medical and a roof over his family's head. 

Technically, he would be doing it for them. Not many choose the military if they have tons of other options.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

staarz21 said:


> It's not manipulative if he is the only one working, it's the best job he could get, and provides medical and a roof over his family's head.
> 
> Technically, he would be doing it for them. Not many choose the military if they have tons of other options.


I will agree with that. I was caught up in semantics. He probably meant "I'm doing this for us"

FWIW, a large fraction of my family has or is serving in military.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

As a woman and former enlisted and an officer, I need to ask those who would defend this so-called husband and wanna-be family guy...if he was a woman would you be saying the family could be ignore on coming home from work in favor of internet and email because of a 'risky job'?

OP, what was your husband like BEFORE he took this posting?
Did he even work full time?

Some tactics are: telling him you have a picnic dinner planned with the kids and him, at the playground. 
Tell him you need some exercise and you guys are going to the track to do a few laps. Make sure you have two strollers, you need his help.
Buy a grill, ask for his help (even if you don't need it). 
This moves everyone outside.
Put on a family-friendly movie. 
Make some friends and invite them over for dinner.

Since he's a solider, he will be amenable to such 'training'. 
His mind and body have been conditioned to adapt to the immediate environment.
Don't let him take control of it if you don't like where he is leading.
Sure he makes the money, but if you're a stay-home military wife the home and his success in it is largely up to you, since he has clearly set aside any leadership claims he could possibly make at home. 
In this case, you don't have to ask permission, just do it.

Be very careful who you make friends with in the military. There is a lot of cheating and a lot of wife-swapping that goes on.
You might want to be aware of that and try to avoid it. Another good reason to be proactive - if you wait for him to bring home friends, or for people to approach and befriend you, you might have bigger fish to fry than a husband being passive after the work day is over.

There are also a lot of people who like to drink, and people who like to spend the money and not take advantage of things like free education, job training, spouse programs, etc. Don't hang with those people.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> I will agree with that. I was caught up in semantics. He probably meant "I'm doing this for us"
> 
> FWIW, a large fraction of my family has or is serving in military.


Yeah my H is currently serving. Many of the new "kids" that come in are there because they had no other options. 

I think it's an adjustment for everyone. Her H may not know how to handle the new pressures he has. Likewise, OP doesn't know how this lifestyle will affect her marriage if it's not cared for properly with LOTS of communication. 

Now, my marriage is in the crapper, but not because my H is military. That part, we are on the same page on. I understand his crazy schedules, deployments, tdy's etc. He's been in 12 years, had 7 deployments and has been gone for just about half of our relationship. There is an understanding that both partners have to come to. 

A big one for the OP would be for her to be directly vocal about how she is feeling and what, specifically, she would like from her H. He can't guess or read her mind. Likewise, it would be ideal if he shared the same with her. 

He might be under a lot of pressure being the breadwinner plus work stress of having a high risk job. I'm not saying he's right in being on his phone all night long, but he may not realize what he's doing. To him, it's probably a much needed stress reliever to read for a while. However, they need to find a balance. Let him read for 30min- an hour, then spend time together, or better yet, the OP takes off and gets some alone time if she wants it. 

Like with any other marriage, compromise and balance has to be found or resentment will eat the relationship up.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> Technically, he would be doing it for them. Not many choose the military if they have tons of other options.


 @staarz21:

_"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it."

-Joseph Goebbels (Hitler's propaganda chief)_

The fact that you repeat this nonsense says much of your view of those who would join.

/TJ



Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> @staarz21:
> 
> _"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it."_
> 
> ...


 I have talked with people, seen it for myself. My H spends most of his days talking to the new "kids" coming in. Thanks for referencing me to Hitler's number 2 though, that's a nice touch. 

Many of them are joining for free college because they couldn't afford to go = no better options. I mean, they do have an option, they could NOT go to college and have a crap job for the rest of their life. 

They have another option of taking out ridiculous amounts of student loans and starting out their careers in debt. 

But I mean, whatever makes you feel better. Next time, instead of just quoting something ridiculous like that, why don't you specifically discuss with me the problem you have with my post?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> I have talked with people, seen it for myself. My H spends most of his days talking to the new "kids" coming in. Thanks for referencing me to Hitler's number 2 though, that's a nice touch.
> 
> Many of them are joining for free college because they couldn't afford to go = no better options. I mean, they do have an option, they could NOT go to college and have a crap job for the rest of their life.
> 
> ...


 @staarz21:

You are right about the Goebbels comment. It was over the top, and for that, I apologize.

Your first post said "most of them had no other options". This is a stark difference to how you explained it in the above quoted post. The above post did not rub me the wrong way for the most part.

In the 13 years I spent recruiting, managing recruiting stations, and managing a recruiting district, both poor and affluent, rural and metropolitan, most did not join due to no options. Many did join for better options. But most joined because they wanted to earn a living in the service of the nation/Army, or because they wanted excitement.

My post from last night was in poor taste.

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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

I'm an Army wife, and let me tell you, it sounds rather like the husband is Combat Arms, Infantry to be specific. The schedule those guys have is rather insane. Been there, done that, have the freaking shirt from it (it's floating somewhere in a tote, lol).

OP, you need to put your foot down. He may not realize something is amiss with what he is doing because of everything else that is going on at work. That was how my hubby acted a lot of the time. The poor guy was sleep deprived for, and I swear, two years straight.

I also second YOU connecting with the FRG. They are an organization developed for the very reason you are upset. Husband works long hours and you are left with two children to raise as basically a single mom. These units (depending on the command) usually organize adult night's out where childcare is provided free of charge to the families. Just make sure your children are registered with CYS (Children & Youth Services). Also look up what ACS (Army Community Service) has planned each month. Usually they have play dates for children of specific age groups, outings at a low cost to families, and other activities that allow you to connect with other women in your shoes.

You can also PM me, I've been an FRG leader and know a ton more resources you can access as a wife.

Yes it is a tough road, but that's why they call us stay at home spouses the warriors of the Homefront. WE are the ones that fight like heck to make sure the kids are good, we are good, and our soldiers who deploy don't have to worry about what's going on at home while they have bullets and mortars raining down on them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> @staarz21:
> 
> You are right about the Goebbels comment. It was over the top, and for that, I apologize.
> 
> ...


I honestly do think that was the way it used to be. People used to join for the excitement and wanting to serve their country. Unfortunately, since the Military opened up several incentives for the recruitment for the war, many are now joining for the college education. (and now since this is all over and they are reducing these incentives...we might see better quality people). This isn't a bad thing, but as a result my H has had to basically babysit people who enter only for the education. They have zero work ethic at all. Not all of them, of course but a vast majority of them. 

The last several new people that came through honestly thought they could choose whether or not they wanted to go out to work a plane. My H made sure they didn't think that way anymore. He gets creative with getting them out there. If they don't like doing something, he makes sure they do it...daily. Same goes if they are uncomfortable with something i.e. fork lift driving...he makes them get out there and drive it until they are good at it and comfortable in it. 

I know I am not in the military and I'm not trying to be a dependa here at all, but my H and I communicate frequently about his job. Some parts he cannot discuss with me, but one of his major complaints is the new kids and how they don't want to get up and work. It's that way on deployments, too. 

My H wants to retire from the military. He joined for college, but turned out he loved it so much, he wanted to stay. You just don't see that from many of the new guys these days. Most of them dislike their job, hate the fact that they have to do PT, come up with excuses to not show up...etc.

I get how my post could have come off rough. It is totally possible that it's only the Air Force that's getting these people, too. I will have to call a friend who is recruiting int he Army now and see what he says about the new kids he's getting these days. I would completely believe if one branch was getting these people and another is getting people who really want to serve.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> I honestly do think that was the way it used to be. People used to join for the excitement and wanting to serve their country. Unfortunately, since the Military opened up several incentives for the recruitment for the war, many are now joining for the college education. (and now since this is all over and they are reducing these incentives...we might see better quality people). This isn't a bad thing, but as a result my H has had to basically babysit people who enter only for the education. They have zero work ethic at all. Not all of them, of course but a vast majority of them.
> 
> The last several new people that came through honestly thought they could choose whether or not they wanted to go out to work a plane. My H made sure they didn't think that way anymore. He gets creative with getting them out there. If they don't like doing something, he makes sure they do it...daily. Same goes if they are uncomfortable with something i.e. fork lift driving...he makes them get out there and drive it until they are good at it and comfortable in it.
> 
> ...


I just retired two years ago. From 04-09, crazy enlistment categories were open. 
Then in 09, they started to close. Categories that were previously open to waivers (medical and moral) for my duration in recruiting (00-that time) closed. Then they only allowed 31-49 scores (a passing score) to enlist if the recruiting station had someone with 50+ score to enlist; sort of a 1 for 1. 

The people enlisted from 09-13, by a general population, are the highest quality by test scores, moral qualifications, and medical qualifications since the draw down in 1994.

Here is why the aforementioned information is so relevant. The vast majority of folks who have "no other options" are filtered out in the recently (09-present) restricted qualification process.

So despite the general consensus, take it from someone who was in the trenches of recruiting. It is not what it once was.

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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Remaining in the Armed Forces is another problem.

IBT attrition rates for new recruits are in 12-14% range for all but the Air Force. The Air Force attrition rate for basic trainees is just under 8%. That life style is more laid back, plus they get the cream of the crop. It is more of a gentlemen's club. Plus, the ratio between enlisted to Officers is mind boggling. Many more Officers than the other services. Just saying.

Nowadays, the new recruits are run through some serious personnel algorithms to determine the best fit. The investment in training is a huge component in deciding who stays and who goes.

The Army will have dropped 80,000 troops between 2013 and 2017. That saves them billions and billions of dollars. Many good soldiers are given the boot in their 12 to 17 year journey. And the retirement that they were promised and strived for are taken from them. The is the big lie. This administration wants to bring the number in the Armed Forces below WWII levels.

Ok, I get the cost savings. But they should do the cutting at the front end, not from the middle. Do the cutting slower, using natural attrition and lower recruiting. 

Seriously.....With the world crumbling around us, the last thing we want to do is downsize. Cut back on Nation Building, oh yeah, cut back on Foreign Aid, Yeppir.

No, politicians do not care. Their Motto...I got mine.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

LovelyB said:


> My husband and I are having very difficult transitioning to the military life. My husband is always at work all the time and when he gets home he goes straight to his phone or he goes to sleep. I am a currently a stay at home mom of a 5 year old and 2 month old. The kids keeps me busy while he is at work. Since I'm stuck at home with kids ( don't get me wrong I love being a mom) I've been feeling so lonely. I've tried to tell him how I felt and that he should try to make a little time when he comes home from work. But every time I bring it up he always seem to make me feel guilty for feeling lonely. Like he will say "I'm doing this for y'all" "just let me know if you still want me to do this or not." And it just turns into a big fight that shouldn't even be. Understand that our family and friends are miles away. I have conversation with my 5 year old daughter. I love talking to her. But when my husband comes home from work I would just love to talk to him. It's a whole new life for us so I know it can get overwhelming at times and I understand that he is tired and he works long hours. But am I being selfish ? I'm wondering if theirs military wives out there who can give me an advice on how to handle this situation?


I'm not a military wife...but I'm willing to try. LOL:smile2:

I do know one thing and I don't like talking to my old lady but I love her and I listen.

I just started doing this in the last 6 years of a 25 yr marriage (1 yr dating). 

However I do love to phuck and IMHO sex is the clue.....you might want to tell your old man that this isn't working and you are to lonely to be stuck with a guy that not only can't talk to you but won't phuck you.

My point is you can show him you can bail on his ass and not be one of the hoes that cheat on their old man cuz they are neglected. 

Sure you don;t want to leave your old man but in the end you will end up screwing some one else and the marriage will go to shyt any way.

My point is leave him....bad behavior has conseqeuencse...once he figures out how to manage his time you will hang out again.
I mean he is working his @SS off for you....he won't have to if you bail so it is a win win.

Or

He can get his shyt together, learn some time management skills and not only will it help him at work but keep his old lady from phucking around behind his back.

That's my $0.02


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

staarz21, most of the soldiers that i know in the army joined because they wanted to, not because they had no options. 

when i joined, i took a massive pay cut. i certainly didn't join for lack of options.

OP, as for relationship maintenance when it comes to the military... yeah, sometimes you will just have to put your foot down. i have had to do it with akinaura, she has had to do it with me, its just how things go. 

just be sure to give him room to breath before you complain about long hours. he cannot do anything about the hours. the "im doing this for you" spill sounds like a defensive response to me.


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