# What else can I do?



## Sharpcouple (Mar 4, 2013)

My husband works full time an then comes home and works as a mechanic in his shop at home. I stay home with 3 kids. I know he is working to provide for his family. I don't get any time to spend with him. I'm at home all day with kids. I don't get any "adult interaction" or time away from them just as a break. So I ask him if we could have a date night when he had time or if he could make some time for us. He always says he is busy, but when his friends want to do something he drops what he's doing and goes.
It hurts my feelings and if I try and talk to him about it he yells and says I'm stupid. If I keep it to myself and try to have a moment to myself (to cry) he yells at me. He doesn't talk to me unless he needs something and if I try and talk to him he turns the tv up. Just don't know what I did to make him not want to have anything to do with me. Just needing a guys perspective. Thanks for any help.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Sharpcouple said:


> My husband works full time an then comes home and works as a mechanic in his shop at home. I stay home with 3 kids. I know he is working to provide for his family. I don't get any time to spend with him. I'm at home all day with kids. I don't get any "adult interaction" or time away from them just as a break. So I ask him if we could have a date night when he had time or if he could make some time for us. He always says he is busy, but when his friends want to do something he drops what he's doing and goes.
> It hurts my feelings and if I try and talk to him about it he yells and says I'm stupid. If I keep it to myself and try to have a moment to myself (to cry) he yells at me. He doesn't talk to me unless he needs something and if I try and talk to him he turns the tv up. Just don't know what I did to make him not want to have anything to do with me. Just needing a guys perspective. Thanks for any help.


That's terrible  he sounds very selfish!

Does he always like this all the times? Or, does he soften up at weekends? What about during holidays?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I would try to join a playdate group with other moms to get some adult interaction. I went through a stage like this when we first got married, dh wanted me to stay home but had to work two jobs to do so... it was so frustrating and if I brought up how I was feeling, it was thrown in my face that he was doing it for our family. So I joined a playgroup, met some other Mom's made friends, and felt a lot better... we also developed a financial plan that after so many years I would return to work and he wouldn't have to work so hard... when that time came, things got so much better.


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

Lack of reciprocity creates animosity.. He may feel like he is doing it everything he does for you the family.. However it doesn't seem like to me that he is seeing what it is actually doing to your family... There has to be a balance between his "life", Your "life" and family "Life".. You both have to make time to make sure you not only allow him to have some time but he has to allow you to have some time and you both have to make time for family time and even just you two time... A lot of men have a hard time understanding what it is like to be with 2 young kids all day with no adults to talk to.. I like Live's idea but I don't think it will solve the entire equation for you.. Seems like you are missing him.. Is counseling an option??


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## Sharpcouple (Mar 4, 2013)

Thanks for all the advice. I like the idea of play groups, so definitely going to look into that. He just makes me feel so pathetic. I feel like I shouldn't have to ask him for his affection. No matter what I do, it's always wrong. He says things that make no sense to me. He doesn't care about my feelings or opinions. I just feel broken. I wish counseling was an option but we just don't have the money. I think he would go until they told him something negative about was he was doing and then he wouldnt go. Thanks again for the help, I feel a Lil better knowing that I have people understanding what I am saying.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Read some books or articles on mental abuse and see if he fits.

Bottom line, though, he only does to you what you allow.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Is the money situation that tight that he has to work two jobs? Maybe he could try charging a little bit more for his work. If he did not have to work so hard, maybe he could find a way to lighten up. However, he may need counseling to realize this is not the way to treat your wife.


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## Sharpcouple (Mar 4, 2013)

With me not working money is pretty tight. I had to have surgery few months ago so now we have medical bills on top of everything else. I know he is stressed and I know he needs time to himself, so I never fuss or nag if he wants to go do stuff with buddies. But when he goes out with them a few times a month I feel like I should get at least one night a month with him, but he tells me I'm being selfish when I want to spend time with him. If he does agree I don't get a say on what we do, so we end up at the track with his buddies or something he's into. Then I just feel left out or a burden, but I don't say anything cause at least its time with him and I don't like arguing. I'm not the yelling type, I want to set a talk and discuss issues but he just yells and talks over me or refuses to talk at all. I love him so much and miss him. It's awful having someone and feeling completely alone.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Start doing things without him. Once he sees you living your life on your own, you will look more valuable to him.


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## Pitbull5555 (May 26, 2013)

When you know he's going to have a playdate with his guy friends, you need to plan something for yourself and when he starts the yelling and childish behavior you need to just leave, but tell him on your way out the door, that he needs to make sure the kids have a babysitter if he plans to go out and play with his friends. You don't have to live under his "rules".


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Is there a third person, a friend, or a friends husband who could talk to him? Just tell him he needs to make your relationship a priority? It might mean more coming from some one else.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

He yells at you, calls you stupid, and doesn't talk to you?

Either we're missing a significant chunk of this story or you enjoy being in a horrible marriage.

Why would you tolerate being called names and being yelled at?


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