# Caught between two rocks



## charles3123 (Oct 3, 2011)

I have been married for the last 9 years to a beautiful woman. We have a couple that we hang out with sometimes. We are a good group that hangs together and fits well with each other. I love my wife and would never cheat on her. The issue I am having is that there is always a lot of sexual inuendos sent out through out the four. I have always chalked it up to harmless playing around. I have been witneess to a conversation about my wife pimping me out but didnt worry about that much. The other woman she always has something low cut on. Its not very low cut but low enough that I always get a nice look at her. I have been infatuated with this woman and to be honest if given the chance to partake I probably would. I dont know what I need to do about this. I dont want her around so that I dont get that way but on the same token I dont want to make it seem that there is a problem. This womans husband will be out of town for work for about 9 months on a contract. She will be home with little adult interaction. I have dreams about this woman and have thought about her at inappropriate times. I dont know what to do.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

charles3123 said:


> I have been married for the last 9 years to a beautiful woman. We have a couple that we hang out with sometimes. We are a good group that hangs together and fits well with each other. I love my wife and would never cheat on her. The issue I am having is that there is always a lot of sexual inuendos sent out through out the four. I have always chalked it up to harmless playing around. I have been witneess to a conversation about my wife pimping me out but didnt worry about that much. The other woman she always has something low cut on. Its not very low cut but low enough that I always get a nice look at her. I have been infatuated with this woman and to be honest if given the chance to partake I probably would. I dont know what I need to do about this. I dont want her around so that I dont get that way but on the same token I dont want to make it seem that there is a problem. This womans husband will be out of town for work for about 9 months on a contract. She will be home with little adult interaction. I have dreams about this woman and have thought about her at inappropriate times. I dont know what to do.



Have some self control. If not, avoid her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Buy Dr Shirley Glass PhD book titled 'Not Just Friends' and read it with your wife ASAP. You need to learn about the importance of establishing marital boundaries that will keep you and your wife from having an affair.

Giving into your lust would be one of the greatests regrets of your life. The devastation you would be unleashing upon the lives of everybody involved, including yourself, is something you have absolutely no concept of.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

charles3123 said:


> I have been married for the last 9 years to a beautiful woman. We have a couple that we hang out with sometimes. We are a good group that hangs together and fits well with each other. I love my wife and would never cheat on her. The issue I am having is that there is always a lot of sexual inuendos sent out through out the four. I have always chalked it up to harmless playing around. I have been witneess to a conversation about my wife pimping me out but didnt worry about that much. The other woman she always has something low cut on. Its not very low cut but low enough that I always get a nice look at her. I have been infatuated with this woman and to be honest if given the chance to partake I probably would. I dont know what I need to do about this. I dont want her around so that I dont get that way but on the same token I dont want to make it seem that there is a problem. This womans husband will be out of town for work for about 9 months on a contract. She will be home with little adult interaction. I have dreams about this woman and have thought about her at inappropriate times. I dont know what to do.


You need to tell your wife about everything that you have posted!. Do not wait until it is too late like my H did. If your marriage survives an involvement with OW, and the odds are against it( over 70% fail post infidelity) it will never be the same. It will always be damaged. I would have preferred nearly anything to this. It will hurt her when you tell her ( and you must, you owe her that!), but not nearly as much as betrayal ;and at this point telling her could make your relationship better. If my H had told me that he was being hit on by another woman, I would have been grateful for his honesty and loyalty to me; now I have nothing to be grateful for; and I live with the knowledge that he put his own selfishness and the OW above my rights and needs. My H kept fantasizing about this piece of S****, she kept flattering his ego and the rest is our sad history. He told himself that she was just kidding and that nothing would ever happen. He would have headed the whole thing off at the pass, if he has just talked to me about what was going on. I was unable to leave him, or I would have. I still think that I don't belong in a marriage with a man who could hide his thoughts and intentions so completely from me; and I don't believe I will ever trust him as I once did. Believe me, you do not want what is the inevitable out come of this kind of dishonesty.


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## charles3123 (Oct 3, 2011)

oaksthorne I hear what you are saying and I am sorry yours ended up the way it did I really am but what I dont think that you guys are getting is my wifes involvement in this. Of course I want to stop having the thoughts myself and I am using self control. I havent acted and I find myself trying to do other things. As I said before my wife was talking to the OW about Pimping me out. I keep telling myself that they are kidding but they keep doing it. I dont know what to say. If I say something and they are just kidding I am looking like a pervert annd an idiot and possible strain on all of our relationnships. At this time I amm just trying to avoiid any confrontations. As faar as telling my wife I dont know. She told me one time that someone wass hitting on her and it made me absolutely sick. I told her that if it happens I dont want to hear about it jusst deal with it the way you should. I do the same thing. I dont want her thinking that I am trying to cheat on her absolutely to the contrary. But as I said on the other hand if my wife and her are serious about it I dont know how much restraint I would have on the situation at that point.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

charles3123 said:


> oaksthorne I hear what you are saying and I am sorry yours ended up the way it did I really am but what I dont think that you guys are getting is my wifes involvement in this. Of course I want to stop having the thoughts myself and I am using self control. I havent acted and I find myself trying to do other things. As I said before my wife was talking to the OW about Pimping me out. I keep telling myself that they are kidding but they keep doing it. I dont know what to say. If I say something and they are just kidding I am looking like a pervert annd an idiot and possible strain on all of our relationnships. At this time I amm just trying to avoiid any confrontations. As faar as telling my wife I dont know. She told me one time that someone wass hitting on her and it made me absolutely sick. I told her that if it happens I dont want to hear about it jusst deal with it the way you should. I do the same thing. I dont want her thinking that I am trying to cheat on her absolutely to the contrary. But as I said on the other hand if my wife and her are serious about it I dont know how much restraint I would have on the situation at that point.


You are rationalizing Charlie. How you feel about something is not what your wife will feel. My H told me that he thought I already knew about his A, and that I APROVED OF IT, because I hadn't said anything. He also said that he was sure that she and I could even be friends ( not in this life, and not in the next). I am quite sure that if this woman actually does hit on you, your wife will not be able to be her friend either. If what your wife says about pimping you out bothers you, tell her!. If she says that she means what she says about that, then you've been honest; and you are home free aren't you? I think that you are trying to rationalize cheating, just as my H did; and BTW it was all my fault ,because I couldn't read his mind. If you want your marriage, talk to her, because you really can't have your cake and eat it too. My H would be the first to agree with me on this. He has posted under my name about the sadness and regret he feels.
.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

charles3123 said:


> oaksthorne I hear what you are saying and I am sorry yours ended up the way it did I really am but what I dont think that you guys are getting is my wifes involvement in this. Of course I want to stop having the thoughts myself and I am using self control. I havent acted and I find myself trying to do other things. As I said before my wife was talking to the OW about Pimping me out. I keep telling myself that they are kidding but they keep doing it. I dont know what to say. If I say something and they are just kidding I am looking like a pervert annd an idiot and possible strain on all of our relationnships. At this time I amm just trying to avoiid any confrontations. As faar as telling my wife I dont know. She told me one time that someone wass hitting on her and it made me absolutely sick. I told her that if it happens I dont want to hear about it jusst deal with it the way you should. I do the same thing. I dont want her thinking that I am trying to cheat on her absolutely to the contrary. But as I said on the other hand if my wife and her are serious about it I dont know how much restraint I would have on the situation at that point.


Okay. Nothing as yet has happened and you are asking what to do. Good! Here it is. Do nothing. Stay out of her way. Make sure that you only see her with your wife.

Why?

If you start down the path of an affair, either emotional or both emotional and physical you are going to end up with NOTHING. 
You will lose your life as you know it.
You will lose your self respect.
You will almost certainly lose your wife. She will be devastated and I do not mean that lightly. 

People commit or seriously consider suicide over this stuff.

At the end..
You will live on your own. Your wife will not be able to see you without massive pain.
You will be broke.
You will have TWO broken hearts and you will have destroyed two families.

Does this make it easier? 
Apple Posted this too. 
http://media.affairrecovery.com.s3.a.../31reasons.pdf


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## 23yearmarriage (Sep 28, 2011)

I just went threw a similar scenerio. I think now they were swingers or some variation there of. If you ar not ready for that get out before it explodes. I wish I would have. Theboundaries between married and friend was blurred.


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## lht285 (Aug 25, 2011)

I would have an honest conversation about this with your wife. I would discuss the sexual tension. Ask her what she really wants in all this. Tell her your feelings of her pimping you out. Ask her what her feelings are about this couple. Be prepared to ask her some hard questions about her thoughts. Honesty and communication are your friends. 

What exactly are you looking for in this? Realize that once you proceed beyond just fantasizing that it can come back to bite you in the ass.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Funny thing is that once a fantasy stops being a fantasy and becomes reality, people usually end up getting hurt....

Best to leave fantasy a fantasy.....


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

morituri said:


> Buy Dr Shirley Glass PhD book titled 'Not Just Friends' and read it with your wife ASAP. You need to learn about the importance of establishing marital boundaries that will keep you and your wife from having an affair.
> 
> Giving into your lust would be one of the greatests regrets of your life. The devastation you would be unleashing upon the lives of everybody involved, including yourself, is something you have absolutely no concept of.



Once again I find myself following the great advice dispensed by Morituri and he is once again spot on.

There is no way to begin to describe the pain that you would unleash onto to people you love. Stop all contact with this women...get the book and talk with your wife.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to stop hanging out with that couple, plain and simple. Completely and forever.

You are playing with a molotov ****tail of fire.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You tell your wife. Tell her the truth. You've got a crush on this woman. Tell her that, rationally, you understand that it's about dopamine and you would never choose to trade your wife for the OW. But admit that, if you were alone with the OW, given the sexual innuendo that permeates your nights out, you may lose control of the 16 year-old boy inside you and do something that you regret.

Your wife may dismiss this, in which case you need to impress upon her how serious you are. Your wife may give you the green light to go for broke with this woman. If you really want to do that, and I don't recommend it, you should absolutely inform her husband of your desires to get his OK. Or, your wife may freak out. If she freaks, offer marriage counseling, to stop seeing this couple, and whatever else she needs to be reassured of your commitment to her.

Crushes during marriage aren't that rare. You just have to recognize them and nip them in the bud. Athol Kay had a good article about how to fall out of lust with another person.
Married Man Sex Life: How To Purposely Fall Out Of Love As Quickly As Possible

If you can get your lustful feelings towards this woman behind you, then it may be possible to retain your relationship with the other couple. However, you should absolutely stop the flirting. You think it's funny because it's just impossible. I mean, you're all married. You're not going to cheat on your spouse. But this forum can tell you that it's no laughing matter. Cheating happens every day by people you could never imagine cheating. You realize that you are vulnerable to cheating on your wife. Your wife needs to realize that too.


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