# actual intercourse over with too soon



## bored (Aug 7, 2009)

Ok, I'm new to this site so I know this may have already been discussed, but I'd like some new input on it please. My husband and I have been happily married for almost 7 years, together for 9. He is the type of guy that ALWAYS wants to go down on me, which isn't really the problem since that is usually the only way I orgasm. My problem is that once we're done with the foreplay and onto the actual intercourse it only lasts for 1-2 minutes MAX. I don't know what to do about it, but I really don't enjoy that quick of a session ALL the time. I mean, sometimes are ok if we're in a hurry obviously, but I'd like the actual sex part to last longer than that and maybe the foreplay (which usually is about 15-30 minutes) only be a few minutes. I don't know how to bring the subject up to my husband. He does put himself down sometimes, saying he's too quick and everything but I assure him that it's fine, but it's not. And I feel like if I tell him how I really feel that he'll be offended and.....i really don't know what to do. We usually only have sex 2-3 times a week, which is normal I guess, but I could go without for a month I think, and I guess that's because I'm wanting more. Please help!


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## hitched4ever (Aug 3, 2009)

Very difficult, if not impossible, to 'make' your hubby do anything.
My suggestion is that you use a great deal of tact, a great deal of love, and tell your man you love him inside you so much you just want more of him. Seduce him as it were. Help him find information that he needs. 

Your man probably needs to work on some exercises to increase his stamina, and to be able to keep himself from cumming. Exercises like Kegels (stopping urine flow) will help him. He may need to use a stop and start method during intercourse, to develop control. Perhaps a condom too if not already in use. Over time with practice he can develop more self control and give you what you want. Some men even need to masturbate or have one orgasm before they can really perform. Try some different things, even positions can help, see what works.

In any case, you MUST be very loving and open to being pleasured in more then one way. Being focused on sex being just one specific activity, with a specific speed, tempo, and duration will not really benefit anyone. Sex is about the journey, the variation. I do though understand your desire for 'more' as you put it. My wife likes the same thing. Most women do. I wouldnt complain too much about foreplay. Many women would be thrilled if their man did something more then just 'poke' them. 

Good luck to you!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Bored...

Do you like to go down on him? Maybe a BJ and hand job have him "expel" once...then let him go down on you...

What is happening he is getting excited over pleasing you....The volcano is building and explodes...

Thre are times I am so excited...I explode the moment I enter...because I was building up...other times my wife is begiing me to "finish" because she is done..lol

I would go for sex 5-6 times a week..2-3 times he is thinking about it and it is building like the volcano. his goal is to please you, the more excited he gets the quicker he comes. 

Either have him come once before starting intercourse, or make the foreplay shorter...my wife barely wants forplay she rather get me right in there and not waste anytime.

Think of it this way, he comes quickly because he is so hot and excited for you...your to darn hot baby. 

either make him a multi timer or get him in there quicker.

we do both.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i completely agree with GA, make him come once with another method, build him back up then go at it, he will last much longer and his next orgasm will rock his world. this takes effort from both of you but it will be worth it


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Sounds like he has a gem with you! That sometimes happens to me, especially when it's been a week without sex and I have that much sexual frustration built up in me. It's hard not to pop off. 

Maybe the length of the foreplay is getting him overly excited. If he's getting stimulated and the sexual build up is increasing as the foreplay is going on and he's got a hair trigger so to speak once you start intercourse. 

It sounds like you're a willing partner that wants to help him so that's great! I'll go a week or sometimes 2 without sex then once we have intercourse it can go pretty quick like that (2 minutes). I spend anywhere from 3,4 days to 1 1/2 weeks thinking about sex (and I think about it constantly), wanting it, anticipating it then when we finally have it, boom! I tell my wife I need more 'practice' and more sex more often would definitely help. But once when decides we're going to have sex she just wants it and doesn't care to let me stop/start, etc. If I get lucky and it's timed right I might have taken care of my own business shortly before we have sex and then it will last 5-10 minutes at least then she's telling me to finish up. Anyway the fact that you're willing to help the situation is a great thing! Maybe try having sex more often for a while. Like everyday or every other day. Just to see if it makes a difference in his stamina.

One thing that can work is to bring him to orgasm before intercourse. I've actually suggested that to my wife but she won't do that. It's like once I've cum, the moment is gone for her. But as long as he's okay with it why not try starting an intimate session with a blowjob? Get him off then it's his turn to go down on you, you can have your orgasm then by that time he should be ready to go again! 

To bring it up with him maybe the next time you have sex and he makes a comment about it being too quick don't just turn to him & say it's okay. Say something like you would love to work on making sex with him last longer. That you love having sex with him and it would be great to be able to enjoy him inside you longer. 


I think if you try to frame it in a way where you say you just love sex with him so much that you want to work together to try and make it last longer. I can't imagine he would be against that. Believe me, it feels awesome for him while you're having sex and I guarantee he would love to enjoy it longer as well.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> Maybe a BJ and hand job have him "expel" once...then let him go down on you...


My thought exactly GA. 

If his foreplay time on you is 15 – 30 minutes that should be a sufficient recovery time to develop another erection after ejaculation. (Depending on age) And if he really enjoys giving you cunnilingus then believe me, he’ll “stiffen up” in a hurry!

Try that and if it works be sure you let him know how great it feels. He sounds like a husband who enjoys trying to please you so a successful pattern in intercourse will likely be repeated. You may not need to have an awkward conversation with him. Give it a try and have fun. :smthumbup:


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## bored (Aug 7, 2009)

The only problem with that is I've tried to get him going a second time around and it just won't happen. I know all he wants to do is please me, and for that I am grateful. The foreplay we have is more often than not what I really enjoy, but sometimes I guess I'm just craving a really long, slow.....well ya know. But I love my husband with all my heart, so if all I get is what I got then I'll be ok with that. Thanks for your input though. I really appreciate it.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

As I'm sure you know, the male ego can be pretty fragile when it comes to sex. And you say he does put himself down over it sometimes.

The first step is to get him to be willing to work on it with you.

I agree with the other guys. He is getting too excited.

So next time he puts himself down, instead of assuring him everything is fine...try out this line. "I'm happy honey, but if is bothering you, why don't we work on it together and see what happens?" That way he doesn't feel put down, and instead of being the problem, you're pointing him to the solution. And since guys like to play mr fix-it.... 

The kegels are good. Deep slow breathing (rapid breathing increases excitement levels). But also just learning his own body. He needs to be able to feel where he is in the pleasure cycle...when he is getting close, and where that point of no return is.

Once he is on board with it, you can help, and it can be a fun activity to bring into your sex-play.

Do things like...

Watch him masturbate. He goal is to get himself to get as close to the point of no return as possible, and then stop...several times. Then one of you can finish him off.

You masturbate him, as well as oral, and follow his cues when to stop and restart. Again, the goal is not to get him off, but to let him feel when he reaches that point of no return.

After a few sessions, he should have a very good idea where his limit is.

Then intercourse...but he keeps monitoring himself. When he gets close...pull out until his control returns. And again do this several times. And again...the goal isn't orgasm, but focusing on the feeling, the excitement levels, and control.

Eventually, he'll be able to control his excitement level during intercourse without pulling out.

Also, check out a few books. Most have chapters on male stamina. I know Mars/Venus in the Bedroom does.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

bored said:


> Ok, I'm new to this site so I know this may have already been discussed, but I'd like some new input on it please. My husband and I have been happily married for almost 7 years, together for 9. He is the type of guy that ALWAYS wants to go down on me, which isn't really the problem since that is usually the only way I orgasm. My problem is that once we're done with the foreplay and onto the actual intercourse it only lasts for 1-2 minutes MAX. I don't know what to do about it, but I really don't enjoy that quick of a session ALL the time. I mean, sometimes are ok if we're in a hurry obviously, but I'd like the actual sex part to last longer than that and maybe the foreplay (which usually is about 15-30 minutes) only be a few minutes. I don't know how to bring the subject up to my husband. He does put himself down sometimes, saying he's too quick and everything but I assure him that it's fine, but it's not. And I feel like if I tell him how I really feel that he'll be offended and.....i really don't know what to do. We usually only have sex 2-3 times a week, which is normal I guess, but I could go without for a month I think, and I guess that's because I'm wanting more. Please help!


A lot of guys try to use oral sex as a substitute for actual proper sex. It's not and you really need to make that clear to him. My suspicioun is that he realises that already... I think most guys would realise that 1 - 2 minutes isn't reasonable ..

If he's up to going twice then sure get him off once using your mouth then get him to shag you properly, but some guys might find that hard and feel your putting too much pressure on. whats worked for me in the past is to give a guy a blowjob in the evening a while before we go to bed.

What I suggest you do is during foreplay start getting him used to staying hard for long periods of time, a lot of blokes once they get an errection want to jump you straight away..

Get him hard let him stay hard for five minutes or so, get on top and put him in you for 30 seconds then take a break off and repeat the process he should get the idea which is to last for as long as he can. After a while he should start indicating whens a good time to pull him out of you..

It's better for him to lose his hard on than for him to finish,, if he loses it use your mouth again for a little while. 

I've done this with guys in the past and it really does show results.


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