# Tell me about your ex marrying the OM/OW



## Shooboomafoo

I found out thru my D12, that the ex had gone to the justice of the peace to get married. Today, the ex officially has the OM's last name. I congratulate neither of them, and wish nothing but the least for them both.

If I had someone special to me right now, this likely wouldn't be of any concern to me, but I don't. Nothing has worked or proven remotely promising in any dating websites, or meetup groups. I drive almost an hour to work, and then drive home, and when my daughter is not with me,,,, those weeks are the most difficult. This will be one of those weeks. 

I don't know what I feel about the ex remarrying. I know all the advice... how I should have moved on by now, how I should have dated a bunch already and have my calendar booked with fun things to do... but I don't. I am not having any luck in that department, and it emphasizes a sense of stagnation that I have about myself.

God help the man who has that little voice in the back of his head saying, you must have done something wrong to cause all of this, little by little you will see things taken away from you, I am saving other people "from" you... you will get to witness how great their lives become without you,, and it will support the fact that "you" are the problem. 

I dunno.... get it over with already. Let the worst happen already so I can know what to expect...


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## Shooboomafoo

(dammit)


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## arbitrator

*Shoo! Neither of mine ever bothered to re-walk the aisle! I largely think they are happy in their relatively newfound single states and largely subscribing to the mantra of "not having to marry the bull when they can get his milk for free!" Of course, the rich skanky one is so tight that she would just as soon continue to hold onto her eight figure wealth!

Sorry that you're having to go through this, Sir!*


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## Welsh TXN

my exw isn't married yet but, she has a april wedding planned and moved the OM into our old home last year at some point, and got engaged in June/July last year, not really sure how i feel, actually i don't feel anything for her or him, i have more problems over her immediate family they are horrendous i have heard through a sources that she asked her mother and sister to fill out a questionnaire for a catholic annulment do she can marry the POSOM in the church after he finishes his change of religion to RC, I bet they will re write the truth and history of the marriage will be re written forever,


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## Jellybeans

Sorry, Soo. I know it must suck to see all this crap happen.

I can't relate to your situation as I've not experienced it but I will tell you, as your friend, that this seeming blow will lessen with time.

You must be feeling like, how could she? How could she move on so fast? And even to the point of marrying again? That has to sting, unless you're made of Teflon.

Try not to focus on them. Do things for yourself. be kind to yourself. 

Realize, ti's not about you, their marrying. 

And remember, the honeymoon always wears off.

Keep your head off.


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## arbitrator

Welsh TXN said:


> my exw isn't married yet but, she has a april wedding planned and moved the OM into our old home last year at some point, and got engaged in June/July last year, not really sure how i feel, actually i don't feel anything for her or him, i have more problems over her immediate family they are horrendous i have heard through a sources that she asked her mother and sister to fill out a questionnaire for a catholic annulment do she can marry the POSOM in the church after he finishes his change of religion to RC, I bet they will re write the truth and history of the marriage will be re written forever


*Welsh: Damned if I wouldn't post them both up at Cheaterville.com! I'd say that they're fastly trying to pull the wool over the Pope's eyes!*


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## Welsh TXN

Oh i exposed to the right people in our small community where i used to live, i knew by exposing to these friends that it would be a round that community in a matter of minutes and it was i had emails and texts from people who i had only met once or twice saying wow i can't believe she did that too you etc, so she became a social outcast in a very small community she and the POSOM because outcasts and did not socialize for about 6months after the divorce in that small town lol but now they have friends but it is people who moved into the community they lost a lot of people and our friends we had together the wives and husband do not trust either of them lol I had that said to me by someone on a fishing trip with a good friend from the town i used to live in lol


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## waroftheroses

Shoo

(I'm more of a lurker than a correspondent on these forums...jelly understands...ha ha )

However I've read most of your posts mainly due to the nightmare situation you have bravely faced.

You might think your position has not moved forward but is has from my perspective of reading your story....

My ex wife of 27 years, re married March 2013...I was gutted to hear about it from my children...even though we had been divorced over 2 years it was still unpleasent. However as time as moved on this very fact has finally allowed me to close the door and put to bed this part of my life.

I truly hope that you too will find the strength to move forward as I have done...and I wish you and your daughter happiness...good luck and tranquility.


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## 3Xnocharm

My ex divorced me to re-marry his first wife. Of course he lied to my face about it. I remember commenting how she would be moved back in as soon as my crap hit the curb...total denial from him. I knew what was going on. Sure as sh!t, she was back in that house in less than two weeks time. As I mentioned just recently, he had the center stone in MY ring reset and gave it to that POS wh0re.That was in Sept, they remarried in Dec that same year. The worst part? I still wanted him back that whole time. Luckily I got over that, if there were ever two people who deserved each other, its them.


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## LongWalk

Shoo,

You can turn things around. 
Are you working out?


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## Chuck71

Welsh TXN said:


> Oh i exposed to the right people in our small community where i used to live, i knew by exposing to these friends that it would be a round that community in a matter of minutes and it was i had emails and texts from people who i had only met once or twice saying wow i can't believe she did that too you etc, so she became a social outcast in a very small community she and the POSOM because outcasts and did not socialize for about 6months after the divorce in that small town lol but now they have friends but it is people who moved into the community they lost a lot of people and our friends we had together the wives and husband do not trust either of them lol I had that said to me by someone on a fishing trip with a good friend from the town i used to live in lol


Welsh I remember you posting that last summer. Glad you're 

doing ok! Shoo.... when you look for someone, people think

you have the plague. When you stop looking, they think you're

the best thing to hit the market since the Pet Rock.

Have you considered starting an interest group in your area

which involve your hobbies?


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## Shooboomafoo

waroftheroses said:


> Shoo
> 
> (I'm more of a lurker than a correspondent on these forums...jelly understands...ha ha )
> 
> However I've read most of your posts mainly due to the nightmare situation you have bravely faced.
> 
> You might think your position has not moved forward but is has from my perspective of reading your story....
> 
> My ex wife of 27 years, re married March 2013...I was gutted to hear about it from my children...even though we had been divorced over 2 years it was still unpleasent. *However as time as moved on this very fact has finally allowed me to close the door and put to bed this part of my life.*
> I truly hope that you too will find the strength to move forward as I have done...and I wish you and your daughter happiness...good luck and tranquility.


--I get a sense about this also. I truly did not feel any secret desire for R, but there was still this sense of finality with the news of her remarriage. I was surprisingly not as bent out of shape as I had expected, but it does cause a self reflection based out of jealousy(?) or a sense of underwhelming progress that stings. Thank you for your well wishes, I surely return the sentiment for you and yours.


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## Shooboomafoo

LongWalk said:


> Shoo,
> 
> You can turn things around.
> Are you working out?


Nawwww man... I should be though. Ive been looking at home gym equipment, as I am not a membership kinda guy, but I could even get myself off the recliner and do some basic exercise... I'm 6'1 and have varied in between 210-220 for about ten years now. Did drop down to 176 during the D. 
I need to find some kind of activity other than xbox and Netflix,,,

My pursuit of simplification of my life and duty, has perhaps spilled over into the lazy department? lol.


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## Jellybeans

Shooboomafoo said:


> I was surprisingly not as bent out of shape as I had expected, but it does cause a self reflection based out of jealousy(?) or a sense of underwhelming progress that stings.


Well I am sure it's all of those things. You may not have wanted to get back with her but may feel jealous at the fact that she's taken up with someone else. After all, she was your wife. The jealousy could also be because she has moved on so fast and you haven't dealt with it all yet (and there is NOTHING wrong with that -- everyone's time table is different.

Thing is, her life is not something you need to be concerned with anymore. Thank goodness, right?


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## Shooboomafoo

Shoo.... when you look for someone, people think
you have the plague. When you stop looking, they think you're
the best thing to hit the market since the Pet Rock.
Have you considered starting an interest group in your area
which involve your hobbies?

Well, Ive certainly stopped looking per se. Removed my "dating" profiles from match, *******, pof, ourtime, and zoosk.
Most of those were a waste of time though. Bites were few and far out, and the responses were not those which would boost one's self esteem.. Have I truly gone golem at 42? 
It feels like my options are limited, outside of the bar hopping or a meetup group. I just need to find listings of things going on, and head out stag I guess.

I imagine this is something in me getting tired of how life is as Ive made it... The simplification idea,, lessening my obligations to so many, coping with being on my own, renewing the understanding of myself.. in other words... not getting involved in stuff that is pressuring or dependent on me. Too much of that in the past. 
Perhaps part of me is waking up, getting more extroverted. 
I'd like to think so. I'm getting a gut.


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## Jellybeans

Nothing wrong with removing those dating profiles. Maybe you just need to regroup. It's not a marathon, you know? 

Don't compare your life to hers. I personally would not at all want to be married again at this point in my life, post-divorce. No, thanks. In act, to me, it seems crazy to get married so soon after a divorce. 

We are each on our own path. Make sure you are enjoying yours. Cause that is really what life is about. DO YOU.

Oh and get to the gym.


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## Pluto2

Shoo,
I feel your pain. I don't think its jealousy on your part, or a lack of progress in healing. You were married a long time and being married meant something to you. We'd all like to think it meant something to our spouses and when they show how that's not true true it feels a bit like a kick in the gut. My ex is on GF 3, excluding the online tramps he had during the marriage. Divorce has been final four months and we were together for more than thirty years.
I am not dating.


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## Shooboomafoo

Jellybeans said:


> Well I am sure it's all of those things. You may not have wanted to get back with her but may feel jealous at the fact that she's taken up with someone else. After all, she was your wife. The jealousy could also be because she has moved on so fast and you haven't dealt with it all yet (and there is NOTHING wrong with that -- everyone's time table is different.
> 
> Thing is, her life is not something you need to be concerned with anymore. Thank goodness, right?


Oh yeah... the speed with which I found out there was a problem with no fix other than D, to being in my own house sitting there with my head spinning... has taken its time getting to the back burner. Luckily it has decreased significantly and noticeably. 
Things like pick up/drop off might not have been the best plan, but I didn't expect while making plans that there would be a dude there. Funny how that is... 

I am glad that I am away from her. It was a difficult and expensive relationship. The only concerns I have re: her anymore is what her personal decisions do to affect (if at all) my time with my daughter. The ex seems to just glide through decisions without any research or consideration of options or facts. 

I don't talk to her. Rarely a text message about the kid. I can create a lot of unnecessary stress for myself...


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## Jellybeans

Shooboomafoo said:


> Luckily it has decreased significantly and noticeably.
> 
> I am glad that I am away from her.


Progress! :smthumbup:


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## WhiteRaven

Stop being stuck. Move along.


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## Jellybeans

He is moving along.


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## Welsh TXN

Chuck71, 

yeah i have come along way, I have moved into a new place with my new GF, i was lucky that i did not have kids with the b&*%h and have to see her and her family.
2 years since i laid eyes on her and her family 2 very good years lol. Shoo, 
I met my GF in the most surprising way it was a work friend he was going out with his gf and it was a friends birthday all girls and he was going to be the only guy so he asked me to come along to have another male in the group. 
the rest they say is history


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## Deejo

You have been around long enough and I'm familiar with your story enough, to know that I say this out of concern, and not just being a pr!ck ...

You sound depressed. Not a little blue, or down in the dumps. I mean clinical.

Which means that you need more than working out and going out and doing stuff.

This has been going on far too long Shoo. And the impact it is having on your life comes through in your posts.

Please take the steps you need to take.


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## Chuck71

Shoo....my relationship with my 1st love was untainted yet intense

when it was over, it was over....she never was the type to play games.

From the time we had "a last round-up" to the end of that calendar year

she was married and given birth. She sent me the birth announcement

(yeah had me worried until I counted the months). I drank a lot during

the next couple months. Couple months after I got head above water, I met

my 2nd love. The last few were on-and-off but we lasted nearly six years.

It was a more healthy love, we learned a lot from each other.

1st love called me a year and half later wanting to hook-up, tried to

keep in contact often....she deeply regretted leaving me but the main reason

was he beat her, refused to allow her to work, refused her access to a phone.

Point is.....does not matter if you are M, it obviously does not ensure 

happiness. If so WTF are we all here. The chances of her n him having healthy

M is very slim. From what you have stated, she never accepted or dealt with 

her issues. When this is not done, you are condemned to repeating history. 

1st love tried all during the time I was with 2nd love...for a reconnect. Made a move

on FB but I was still with X (and I immediately showed her email). Came on again

(have few posts about this in C II-The Way) last year, sent friend request two days

before D final. Shoo...some people chase a dream they once had, knowing full

well it will never lead them "home" again.


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## Chuck71

Pluto2 said:


> Shoo,
> I feel your pain. I don't think its jealousy on your part, or a lack of progress in healing. You were married a long time and being married meant something to you. We'd all like to think it meant something to our spouses and when they show how that's not true true it feels a bit like a kick in the gut. My ex is on GF 3, excluding the online tramps he had during the marriage. Divorce has been final four months and we were together for more than thirty years.
> I am not dating.


pluto..... I swear that is so damn sad. bless your heart 

:smthumbup: minus the smile, replace with condolence smile


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## Hardtohandle

Shoo, 

Friends ? Therapy ? 

Look I am clearly a sit on the couch xbox type of guy, even world of warcraft MMO type of guy. I'm a computer geek by heart.. 

These are the two things I fight EVERY DAY.... 

1. Not to jump back onto an online game.. There is an urge.. 

2. Not eating a whole pizza pie and a quart of hagen daz in one sitting..

Your 6' 1" 210 - 220.. I'm 6'3" 235.. So you might have a slight gut that you can suck in.. Trust me I am a man that definitely looks better dressed then naked.. If having sex with your cloths on was the hip thing to do I would be very hip.. 

I NEVER took my T-shirt off with my Ex wife.. NEVER.. I felt too uncomfortable because my my man boobies.. 

G.F. begs and insist I take my shirt off.. Now its nothing to me.. All I can say is Thank God women are more forgiving then men when it comes to certain things like that..

Mind you my G.F. has dated competition type body builders in the past.. I mean I know I am sexy, but I can't compete body shape wise.. 

As far as the dating scene and online stuff. Honestly maybe your profile just svcked.. 

I went open heart surgery on my profile and went brutally honest.. 

My 3 weakness.. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I can be a bit emotional and Trust.. 

As you I had to send out 40 hello's to get one hello back.. So I know about the whole rejection thing.. Honestly its truly as someone posted, it is either you feast or famine.. 

Again being 46 as well, I truly do feel you will not find the perfect person. I am not saying you will have to settle. What I am saying is like me you have grown with your Ex.. 

Women you meet today in their 40s have done their own growing.. So compromise is the key thing now.. Everyone bends and you both meet in the middle. Trust me I am going through my own stuff as well even dating.. So everything is never going to be peachy.. But I guess this is life right ? Its never perfect.. 

Again take it from a man who was looking at deaths door a bit over a year ago.. Things do change you just have to have the balls to wait around to see it change.. Luckily I did and I hope you do too..

You know for some people pride gets in their way.. So what you think is love is just pride in your Ex.. She has to do this to prove you and everyone else wrong.. She has to make that statement, see it was him.. I'm happy with this guy, this is why I am marrying him. Until she can make up some excuse why she can't be married to him anymore.. 

I'm in my 2nd divorce and my current G.F. just told me in a slight fight that maybe it really is me.. Maybe I was the problem in my marriage and this is why I am divorced. For a split second my head popped off my shoulders and I regained composure.. My simple comment was well if you really think so then maybe you should break up with me. Maybe I am this monster and even my own kids don't see it.. I mean why would my kids stay with me right ?.. I must be this bad guy that supports his kids, mother and brother without the help of anyone and on top I look out for you as well.. 

My god, I'm a beast.. 

She apologized and we laughed.. 

My point simply is bad things happen to good people sometimes.. And yes I am calling myself one of those good people. Conversely good things happen to good people as well. 

You live in Texas.. Buy a jeep wrangler around the 2002 model year.. Personally they look nicer to me.. But buy a jeep and take the top off.. Get some fresh air.. Have some fun like that maybe to start off with..

Redo your profile and talk from the heart.. I swear once I did I got more responses.. Not tons more.. But more..


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## Pluto2

Chuck, You're sweet but I'm fine. Dating is not something I need to be doing now.
I have friends and work and beautiful kids.
Different people need different periods to mourn the loss of a relationship. And some, like our ex's ....well, I'm a lady and choose not use that kind of language on a public board.


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## LongWalk

Deejo said:


> You have been around long enough and I'm familiar with your story enough, to know that I say this out of concern, and not just being a pr!ck ...
> 
> You sound depressed. Not a little blue, or down in the dumps. I mean clinical.
> 
> Which means that you need more than working out and going out and doing stuff.
> 
> This has been going on far too long Shoo. And the impact it is having on your life comes through in your posts.
> 
> Please take the steps you need to take.


This could be good advice.

You're an interesting person. No way that you cannot find a cool woman who can appreciate you and visa versa. But Owning home gym equipment? Go to the gym where there is eye candy. Get into team sport. You need to physically change your brain chemistry with hard exercise.


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## Chuck71

Pluto2 said:


> Chuck, You're sweet but I'm fine. Dating is not something I need to be doing now.
> I have friends and work and beautiful kids.
> Different people need different periods to mourn the loss of a relationship. And some, like our ex's ....well, I'm a lady and choose not use that kind of language on a public board.


can you PM it to me?

just kidding

:rofl:


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## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> This could be good advice.
> 
> You're an interesting person. No way that you cannot find a cool woman who can appreciate you and visa versa. But Owning home gym equipment? Go to the gym where there is eye candy. Get into team sport. You need to physically change your brain chemistry with hard exercise.


Shoo....the gym has eye candy but it also has...other dudes in

situations similar to you. When was the last time you went out 

with a guy, had some drinks, talked sports and told tales of

women from days gone by (NO ex W, just ex g/fs). How many

times have you heard, "I met another guy at the gym, we would 

hang out, shoot the chit and one day at his place we were

watching the NBA finals and his sister came over. It was love

at first sight.......blah blah blah" Alexander the Great was a 

cerebral warrior but what set him above the rest.... he made

his own opportunities.


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## Paradise

Shoo, buddy, I for one feel your pain. My ex moved in with her AP and was married less than 6 months after the ink was dry on the divorce. They have their perfect little family now and flaunt their stuff. I get it. Sucks. And...It is very hard to forget about it, especially when you feel stuck and when you give up on the dating scene. I've been there. 

I don't have any answers for you. Our situations are similar to a degree but instead of sitting around at home I am constantly running my a$$ off right now. No time to even sleep and I've been doing this for the past two years. I need my life to slow down a little. Maybe there is a happy medium between what you go through and what I am at the moment. 

Also, exercise is SOOOOO important. Fact of the matter is when I exercise EVERY day I feel like a million bucks. My confidence is higher and I'm willing to take risks and can see things much more clearly. 

Maybe Deejo is right. Maybe you should see a doc. Hell, I don't know. But I do know that both of our lives have been turned upside down and we are both still trying to piece together this new reality. Your identity was shot to sh!t when your ex left. So was mine. I get that. And starting over is damn scary and it is easy to become complacent. I went through that for a while as well. 

Not that I really have much to add to your thread other than the usual. There are other fellas out there who know what you are going through. But, we all have to make peace with it at some point.


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## LongWalk

> Also, exercise is SOOOOO important. Fact of the matter is when I exercise EVERY day I feel like a million bucks. My confidence is higher and I'm willing to take risks and can see things much more clearly.


We are hunter gatherers who need the physical activity.


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## Shooboomafoo

Thank you guys for your words of wisdom and support. 
I agree with finding some method of exercise, and its benefits physical and definitely mental. I get bored easy with lifting, so I just gotta find something right for me.

I notice the difference between now and a year ago, where back then I didn't have a desire or interest in getting out there. Going out, meeting people, mixing it up with the womenfolk.... 
I was still in self defense mode. Feeling overextended and unprepared for what had happened, and the resulting changes I am sure everyone has found themselves coping with.

I'm sorry if I didn't include enough of the good things that were happening and developing in my life to offset the things I felt shtty enough about to post about. I usually don't post unless I have a gripe or needed to get something off my chest or seek advice. Perhaps this has led to an overall perception that I am suffering greatly. 
I'm not. The divorce has as Im sure it has for others, led me to question a lot about many areas of my life and purpose. 
Meaningfulness in what I do and am involved in, seems to have a much higher priority than it used to, and that's in every area of my life. This is the beginning of my frustration, because I wasted so much time, and have spent my years leading up to what currently appears to be an underwhelming "now".

Nothing has happened that has proven the divorce to ultimately be the wrong thing for me. Our marriage wasn't the cohesive intimate eye-to-eye life mate situation that it should have been, and every time any issue arises, or I trigger at something, I come back to that point, which removes the very substance of my momentary sorrow. I tell myself "[email protected], imagine if you were still stuck there..."

I feel like I am starting to wake up. The desire to "do more" with myself and my life is noticeable. Seeing the ex move on and appear capable, causes me to consider how little as of yet that I have moved on, and that I have spent enough time "getting centered" lol. That frustrates me. I didn't want to end up in a life-coma, just take a bit of time to shore up, and draw in the lines.


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## Jellybeans

I actually do think you sound way healthier. 

It's going to sting (anyone) watch their former spouse take up with and marry the person they cheated on you with. I mean, you may be happy he has to deal with her now, but it still burns a smidge. Nothing wrong with that.

Some of us take a little longer to start feeling ourselves again post-divorce. I was one of them. I seriously did not start to come out of icky feelings for about 2 yrs-ish and not until 3 yrs did I feel like i was cool with dating (cause I tried it like a year and a half in and was not ready AT ALL). There is no rush.

DEFINITELY get some hobbies. New ones. Treat yourself to a fun cologne. Wink at a hot woman/smile. Go someplace you have been meaning to (could be anywhere--restaurant, new state, bookstore, gym, cook a new dish, go for a walk in a park, buy a fish or plant) that you have been meaning to but haven't. 

Do something unexpected!


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## Why Not Be Happy?

Shoo:

Go to the gym. Start running, biking, hiking, etc.. Why? Good for your health AND YOU WILL MEET PEOPLE!!!


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## Chuck71

Shoo... everyone uses TAM for multiple reasons. I don't give many updates any more but offer advice,

sometimes cold and harsh, mostly solid with a touch of humor and sarcasm. You posted on my LaD

thread in early spring last year. You were obviously having difficulty getting out into the dating world.

I have moments where I am a sad sack, down on my luck but even for others to help it all had to 

start with me. Any way...being in that state makes for a depressing country song from 1976. Most

people say they would like to have a better memory....it's not all it is made up to be. Some are good,

I recall the one word I misspelled on a spelling test in 6th grade, the "leader" of the boys line and girls 

line in 1st grade (girl went on to play in WNBA, had crush on her in 80's). But I also remember the bad

things, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being touched inappropriately by pop's business friend. They 

usually come out of nowhere at 2AM. Some dance to remember, some dance to forget.

GarryTX has a thread in LaD, 3 kids, check out what he is doing to meet others, start a group to see a 

Rangers or Astros game, a minor league game. I hear it as much from females as males, I want 

to meet someone but I don't know how. Try meetups you aren't fond of, may be a girl there who isn't

either but 'just wants to get out of the house.' It may be different in TX, but in TN....if you're a guy with

a young S/D....women check you out....if they think you're cute, no ring on...they will start a convo.


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## philglossop

Weird it's not happened yet, but I'm expecting XH to legally marry OM at some point. In this case it will be marriage (as it becomes legal in England and Wales at midnight) rather than the Civil Partnership.

Other people are certain they won't last..... but I know that my XH's family is frankly addicted to wedding cake. (Mother had 3, SIL on 3rd, BIL on 2nd), so you can betcha who'll be next...........

Luckily not problem anymore. BIL's good as gold, the rest are like a dark poison on horizion!!


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## jj-page

I was married 24 years and then my wife's HS boyfriend from 30 years ago who was going through his bad marriage, contacted her on FB while he was binge drinking. My wife was going through a full throttle midlife crisis. That lead into a full emotional affair and he left his wife and kids to have a physical affair with my wife. 
- 6 months later they broke up.
- We tried to reconcile but I knew it was not going to work, she was still in contact with him. 
- We continued down the path of our divorce and they married 2 months after we were divorced.

She asked her daughter to be a bridesmaid at her wedding and I almost went nuts. But I decided to just let her go so she can finally be happy (she has depression issues). 

So the day she was going to get married, she had to come to my house to get something and gave her a big hug and wished her the best and then she cried.

My ex and I just had a great chat yesterday (over a glass of wine) and she told me that she is still depressed and not happy. I told her that she is married and she really needs to work on this marriage unlike the one she left. I told her that her new husband does goods things for her and make sure you thank him to show your appreciation. Her depression is what is going to get her. 

Don't get me wrong, I never want to meet the OM. She really wants me to meet him but I have no desire.

About meet ups... yes they are great!!! I have met so many nice women at the meet ups. My current girlfriend of 1 year I met at one of the meet ups but I think that relationship will end but it is my decision. But still have great women friends that I still keep in touch with. Some of the meet up parties will be very memorable. I just recently now enjoy being single and are focusing on my hobbies. I realize that I rushed into the dating seen to quickly and you really need to find yourself and be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy. People tell me that you will meet someone special when you least expect it.

Take care.


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## Hardtohandle

Shooboomafoo said:


> Thank you guys for your words of wisdom and support.
> I agree with finding some method of exercise, and its benefits physical and definitely mental. I get bored easy with lifting, so I just gotta find something right for me.
> 
> I notice the difference between now and a year ago, where back then I didn't have a desire or interest in getting out there. Going out, meeting people, mixing it up with the womenfolk....
> I was still in self defense mode. Feeling overextended and unprepared for what had happened, and the resulting changes I am sure everyone has found themselves coping with.
> 
> I'm sorry if I didn't include enough of the good things that were happening and developing in my life to offset the things I felt shtty enough about to post about. I usually don't post unless I have a gripe or needed to get something off my chest or seek advice. Perhaps this has led to an overall perception that I am suffering greatly.
> I'm not. The divorce has as Im sure it has for others, led me to question a lot about many areas of my life and purpose.
> Meaningfulness in what I do and am involved in, seems to have a much higher priority than it used to, and that's in every area of my life. This is the beginning of my frustration, because I wasted so much time, and have spent my years leading up to what currently appears to be an underwhelming "now".
> 
> Nothing has happened that has proven the divorce to ultimately be the wrong thing for me. Our marriage wasn't the cohesive intimate eye-to-eye life mate situation that it should have been, and every time any issue arises, or I trigger at something, I come back to that point, which removes the very substance of my momentary sorrow. I tell myself "[email protected], imagine if you were still stuck there..."
> 
> I feel like I am starting to wake up. The desire to "do more" with myself and my life is noticeable. Seeing the ex move on and appear capable, causes me to consider how little as of yet that I have moved on, and that I have spent enough time "getting centered" lol. That frustrates me. I didn't want to end up in a life-coma, just take a bit of time to shore up, and draw in the lines.


Shoo, at least you seen your marriage had issues.. I didn't.. 

I thought everything was good.. We had made love/sex the day before I caught her.. We had sex 3x a week at least up until I caught her.. I only caught her because of me acting out due to a trigger from a previous attempted affair..

My Ex was a real wolf in sheep clothing I guess.


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## Hardtohandle

jj-page said:


> I was married 24 years and then my wife's HS boyfriend from 30 years ago who was going through his bad marriage, contacted her on FB while he was binge drinking. My wife was going through a full throttle midlife crisis. That lead into a full emotional affair and he left his wife and kids to have a physical affair with my wife.
> - 6 months later they broke up.
> - We tried to reconcile but I knew it was not going to work, she was still in contact with him.
> - We continued down the path of our divorce and they married 2 months after we were divorced.
> 
> She asked her daughter to be a bridesmaid at her wedding and I almost went nuts. But I decided to just let her go so she can finally be happy (she has depression issues).
> 
> So the day she was going to get married, she had to come to my house to get something and gave her a big hug and wished her the best and then she cried.
> 
> My ex and I just had a great chat yesterday (over a glass of wine) and she told me that she is still depressed and not happy. I told her that she is married and she really needs to work on this marriage unlike the one she left. I told her that her new husband does goods things for her and make sure you thank him to show your appreciation. Her depression is what is going to get her.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I never want to meet the OM. She really wants me to meet him but I have no desire.
> 
> About meet ups... yes they are great!!! I have met so many nice women at the meet ups. My current girlfriend of 1 year I met at one of the meet ups but I think that relationship will end but it is my decision. But still have great women friends that I still keep in touch with. Some of the meet up parties will be very memorable. I just recently now enjoy being single and are focusing on my hobbies. I realize that I rushed into the dating seen to quickly and you really need to find yourself and be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy. People tell me that you will meet someone special when you least expect it.
> 
> Take care.


JJ, You are a man of real balls.. I couldn't and can't do what you posted.. I barely speak to my Ex and my Ex hasn't spoken to my oldest in almost a year..


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## Freak On a Leash

Deejo said:


> You sound depressed. Not a little blue, or down in the dumps. I mean clinical.
> 
> Which means that you need more than working out and going out and doing stuff.
> 
> This has been going on far too long Shoo. And the impact it is having on your life comes through in your posts.
> 
> Please take the steps you need to take.


:iagree: THIS. I've been reading your posts since you joined right after your wife and you split up. It's been awhile. You need to stop being obsessed with your wife and HER life and build a life of your own instead of watching it crumble. 

You need help. Go find it before it get worse. Please.


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## Freak On a Leash

Hardtohandle said:


> . Buy a jeep wrangler around the 2002 model year.. Personally they look nicer to me.. But buy a jeep and take the top off.. Get some fresh air.. Have some fun like that maybe to start off with..


:smthumbup: BEST ADVICE I HAVE EVER HEARD! I have a 2005 Jeep Wrangler. Make sure you take the doors off too! 

Then go join a local Jeep club and go rock crawling. Go on some Jeep Jamborees. Have fun! Enjoy. Take your daughter with you. I used to take my 12 year old daughter wheeling with me and she LOVED it. It was something we shared together. It's fun and you meet nice people. Jeepers are cool, family oriented people. 

Here's a picture of my daughter and my Jeep around 2007:


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## Paradise

Shoo...How's it going this week?


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## Shooboomafoo

Hey All!
Things are going alright with me. The remarriage of my ex didn't seem to have the weight I initially thought it did with me. I still can see clearly as day, that if I were to still be there with her, I would be miserable. That's a tough point to swallow, and a sad fact to fall upon, but it is what has pushed me to accept and begin to love where I am at this point. 
I planted a couple of trees in my backyard this weekend. A plain-jane red oak, and a Persian lime. Down here in south tx, its hot as hades come june thru sept... these two should do alright in this climate and soil/clay mix. For me, every little thing I do around this place (been here 2 years, but I still call it my new pad), seems to be a form of acceptance. I really think that I had issues with accepting just about "everything"... the cheating.. the divorce... the moving out.. how my kid's life has changed... I had not and still in many ways need to work thru the acceptance of it all. 
The storm has already passed and there I stood with my back against it vainly in defiance.. all I ended up was wet. 

The kid and I took the day off yesterday. It was sunny and low 70s all day, yet, our idea of relaxing and hanging out was basically playing xbox and watching things on Netflix. My reports about how nice it was outside, and that we ought to be out there doing something,, fell on deaf ears, that were currently attempting to find the Elder Scroll which taught the Dragonrend shout to fight Alduin. LOL... my kid... 

Right now as of this moment, back at work and taking a second to check TAM. Nothing is really bugging me this morning or weighing on my mind. I sometimes don't know how to deal with the uncomfortable sense of peace I am so unfamiliar with.


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## arbitrator

*Glad that you're feeling even more positive about it, Shoo! And you'll, no doubt, feel even better with each and every passing day!

I know that when that rich skanky XW of mine decides to walk down "Aisle No. 3," I absolutely wish her the best in the world.

She can once again fill up a church, stand with whomever she selects as a bridegroom quite proudly before God, family, and friends and "pledge her fidelity to become someone else's skank, to have and to hold from that day forward!"

Oh, and please don't forget to have him sign the prenup, dear!*


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## Chuck71

Shooboomafoo said:


> Hey All!
> Things are going alright with me. The remarriage of my ex didn't seem to have the weight I initially thought it did with me. I still can see clearly as day, that if I were to still be there with her, I would be miserable. That's a tough point to swallow, and a sad fact to fall upon, but it is what has pushed me to accept and begin to love where I am at this point.
> I planted a couple of trees in my backyard this weekend. A plain-jane red oak, and a Persian lime. Down here in south tx, its hot as hades come june thru sept... these two should do alright in this climate and soil/clay mix. For me, every little thing I do around this place (been here 2 years, but I still call it my new pad), seems to be a form of acceptance. I really think that I had issues with accepting just about "everything"... the cheating.. the divorce... the moving out.. how my kid's life has changed... I had not and still in many ways need to work thru the acceptance of it all.
> The storm has already passed and there I stood with my back against it vainly in defiance.. all I ended up was wet.
> 
> The kid and I took the day off yesterday. It was sunny and low 70s all day, yet, our idea of relaxing and hanging out was basically playing xbox and watching things on Netflix. My reports about how nice it was outside, and that we ought to be out there doing something,, fell on deaf ears, that were currently attempting to find the Elder Scroll which taught the Dragonrend shout to fight Alduin. LOL... my kid...
> 
> Right now as of this moment, back at work and taking a second to check TAM. Nothing is really bugging me this morning or weighing on my mind. I sometimes don't know how to deal with the uncomfortable sense of peace I am so unfamiliar with.


my mom planted three trees after pop died nearly twenty years ago

it signified a remembrance but also, new beginning

your place is a new pad still because it has yet "to be filled" with something

only you know what that is

Shoo..... when I was at my mom's, the last month until D final (60 days in TN)

and I was moving forward but still, hurt inside....mom.....

well....my mom was a product of the 60s....she loves Hollywood gossip, 

People magazine, beauty shop visits are sacred...but...she out of the blue

told me......"You should thank her for doing you a favor. She set you free".

So there she was....fifty years removed from her last day of attending school

telling me, a PhD candidate, something that blew me away

That day, the maker of mashed potatoes and PB & J sammys was.... Socrates


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## maincourse99

_My pursuit of simplification of my life and duty, has perhaps spilled over into the lazy department? lol_

I can relate. I now love simple, and it takes great effort to stay active but I'm doing it. 

My ex is still living with POSOM, doubt that they will get married but you never know. I know it would hurt, since I'm not fully over her, yet if they did get married, after the initial pain, it might put the final nail in the coffin and help me move on.

Hang in, this is all temporary.


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## Paradise

Shoo, kind of funny what use to take 2 days or 2 weeks to process and get through only takes a few minutes or hours now. I still have little things that trigger me but it only takes a short amount of time to get back on track again. 

Planting trees sounds awesome. I love working on homes and am currently in the process of searching for a house. Hopefully by the end of the summer I'll have my own place that I can start ripping apart and re-building. 

Good to hear you're doing well.


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## cantdecide

My divorce from XW was final in Sept. '12. She got engaged in Nov.'12 to her OM and married in March '13 despite her telling me that she would never remarry and that I was the one that couldn't be alone. So here I am dating someone wonderful but have no real reason to get married anytime soon (enjoying my alone time) while I hear the XW is always pissed at someone (must be hell living with her now).

Sometimes I do miss certain things about her. But then I try to remember what it was like to come home to someone that was never happy or expected me to MAKE her happy and guess what? I don't miss her anymore. 

Never met her husband nor do I ever intend to. He's come to my house on several occasions to pick up my daughter but he's been warned to stay in his car. I had to pick up my daughter at their house once and he was washing his truck. He ducked down and didn't stand back up until I was pulling out. Seems he's scared of me.


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## maincourse99

_"You should thank her for doing you a favor. She set you free".

So there she was....fifty years removed from her last day of attending school

telling me, a PhD candidate, something that blew me away

That day, the maker of mashed potatoes and PB & J sammys was.... Socrates_

Great story.


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## waroftheroses

(CANTDECIDE)

Lots of your message so resonated with my circumstances...:smthumbup:

"SHOO"!!! I expect to see a similar message from you in a few months time...:smthumbup:


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