# Cant Forget Painful divorce



## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

Divorce went through June last year (no kids, she divorced me) Still finding the whole experience very painful and hard to let go of the horribleness that came with the divorce. 

I am over my ex but i find it hard to move on and let go of the painful memories and feel that it is stopping me from moving on. 

Any advice ? how have you guys dealt with your painful memories and moved on


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

MAN, you are going to be just fine. Sure you got loads of sadness and WTF just happened to me!!!!!! going through you mind on a moment by moment basis. I remember 2 years ago writing on this very forum about having to stop working and go to the bathroom because I couldnt fking handle the overwhelming sadness and despair. I was so angry, and sad, and caught off guard, and betrayed... 

But here I am 2 years later. DDay was 9/1/11. Young child involved, and things are a lot better emotionally, and in terms of a life outside that old one. 

Give yourself permission to grieve what you cared about so deeply. Thats important. But also, give yourself permission to focus your attention on your own life now, your own happiness which you surely deserve.


Have you had any good days yet? Days where the thought of all of it isnt on the forefront? Recognizing that I had had a couple of those gave me hope that more would come initially. As completely cheesy sounding as saying time will help, for me it ended up being only the passing of time, and noticing the burden lessening and the good days being more prevelant. 
As a few more months passed, it was only a few bouts with anger that I went through emotional throes with, and now finally, I note more of a "stirring" within me to stand as I am, on my own, (though I have a daughter who comes to stay every other week with me), and theres a curiosity about what I am all about as it is now. 

I look FORWARD to hearing in future posts from you how "things" have picked up for you, and how "YOUR life" is getting better. 

Brother the sun hasnt gone down but for the evening.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I've been following Shoo's posts since he divorced and if anyone has come a long way it's him. :smthumbup: 

Time does heal all wounds but you gotta get through the tough stuff first. It does get better though.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Thanks Freak, I sometimes think that had I not needed to visit the marital home so often throughout the process, I might have felt a lot better sooner. But the kid was more than worth going thru it all. 
The day before yesterday, I stopped off at the old marital home to pick up the kid as I usually do on my weeks of custody, and when she was leaving thru the front door, I hear the exwife's boyfriend (who lives there) asking my kid if she had everything and had her keys and what not.. Kind of made me want to tell him to shut his piehole, as "I" was Dad, and was responsible for making sure she had everything and asking those questions...
I have some issues with how the ex simply "ushered in" some fkhead who now thinks he's got some status to act like he's a parent or something.. 
Naw,, naw man.. I drove away with my kid in the car wanting to kneecap the dooshbagg.

Little things like that DO still pop up and offend deeply, but they dont set off a three day emotional tirade like at the start...

I certainly dont need someone the likes of his lousy sh!tstain self to assume any roles in regards to my kid. Even if a sociopath of a woman moves him in and says so.

I imagine, if he was some guy the ex started dating after our divorce, it would be a completely different story, but anyone,, ANYONE but the guy that came between us, and hadnt the self discipline or personal integrity to keep from coming between two married people...all he ends up being is another hard prick for the ex to use to villify herself. 

How far would a father go to retain his role, and not be undermined by some homewrecker punk? Was my role as "Dad", usurped by the very whim of a sh!thead ex wife?

hmmm...


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Well so much for making strides, eh? A harsh day indeed. They come still, the divorce will, I imagine, continue to be something of a co-conspirator to every other "unusually difficult" set of circumstances I add it to for consideration, and ultimately, a depressing day. Feeling a bit contrary to my first post,,, thinking now of the better days....


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Shoo,

Even though my first wife had every right and it was best for her to leave me, it hurt deeply when her new man told my children what to do in my presence. I spoke up when he told my children to do something I didn't like. I let him verbally "have it" when he said something even slightly inappropriate in my presence. Once, I told him to be very careful what he did with them or he would have to answer to me. 

I guess what I am saying is, I support you in your struggle. In some sense, I have been there. It made me feel very good to tell that guy off when he needed it. There's not much he could say or do if I was right. I'm sure it pissed off the first XW as well, to some extent. At the very least, it made him look bad for a bit in her eyes. He was walking a tight rope for quite a while, I am certain.

Your daughter will remember when you do the right thing. It is all good for her to learn how to deal with tough situations, when you handle them like her father. As long as you do the best you can to see her regularly, she will be fine and you will too. Like you have said, time and experience will help you.

Hope this gives you a little comfort. Thanks for helping me, Shoo, when I needed it.


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