# My husband is living me



## mamasboyswife (Apr 15, 2012)

I married the love of my live....i didnt know he smocked marihuana...after i found out, he likes to go to parties with friends and whole families that does the same all of them smocking that crap...he went to party today for new years eve and called me at 1.50am he called and said to me that we want different things and that he always wanted to have three wives and not one that put that much pressure but the kind of pressure i put is not being part of the group...he said his childhood friend is now a singer in China and he has another friend living in California that is doing good, that he is only 27 and wants to many things from life, he also said is planning to quit his job next year to live his life, he also doesnt want to die old he wants to die young when he can still be up and not that old that cant do anything just be bored...my heart is broken...he said i should look for another man that gives me kids someone from the church.....i told him im not upset and if that is what he wants his friends and bossy sister that every weekend ask him for babysitting and i know he is babysitting because i m very sure about it. i also told him this on and off is over, this one day bad and one day good is no longer for me and that i want him to be happy, he said he is because he has good friends that got his back...and that i am wrong because everybody in america specifically new york does marihuana, i told him not everybody does that...this bomb now just killed me just new years eve...wow...i told him that his wife got his back forever but those type of friends are just good when you can buy them drugs or when you are fine...if they are bad times, they will fly away...he said i am wrong and his situation is not like others....IDK what to think....help!!! i am screaming and crying for help...


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## Lily_O (Dec 17, 2012)

First, How old r u and how long have u 2 been married?
Do u have any children?

This guy doesn't sound like he has grown up at all.
Depending on your above answers, maybe it would be better to cut this child loose and find yourself an adult.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mamasboyswife (Apr 15, 2012)

we are both 27 years old, two years marriage and no kids....i am very sad


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

No kids? No Problem. Tell him "See ya"


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

Get yourself an attorney! Start your divorce! Good luck. Life with him would be crap for eternity.


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## Lily_O (Dec 17, 2012)

Of course u r sad. You gave your heart to someone and he turned out to be a *********.
I'm not sure what cultural background you and he r from, but most Americans do not think polygamy is right.
I suggest getting a divorce, then taking a year to heal and get some counseling to address the damage this guy did to your self esteem.
Then find a guy who deserves you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mamasboyswife (Apr 15, 2012)

Thank you so much, we are both latinos...but he was born here, i dont understand because he thinks like that...





Lily_O said:


> Of course u r sad. You gave your heart to someone and he turned out to be a *********.
> I'm not sure what cultural background you and he r from, but most Americans do not think polygamy is right.
> I suggest getting a divorce, then taking a year to heal and get some counseling to address the damage this guy did to your self esteem.
> Then find a guy who deserves you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

mijita - no te dejes

Respect yourself.


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## Lily_O (Dec 17, 2012)

mamasboyswife said:


> Thank you so much, we are both latinos...but he was born here, i dont understand because he thinks like that...


Is it correct to assume u r catholic?
Sounds like if he is then he's not that committed.

If religion is important to u, then after you have taken some time to heal, find someone who values that as much as u do.
Also, beware of the super macho guy.
Treating women badly is not the sign of a manly man.
Some advice I got a long time ago that has served me pretty well (though there r always exceptions): Watch how a man treats his mother, because that is how he will end up treating u.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Lily-O is very very wise. 

escucha bien


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He should have warned you he was Peter Pan with a bad weed habit before he inflicted himself upon you by becoming your husband.

He wants three wives? Well, I hear that parts of Utah and Nevada have whole communities that espouse that idea.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Lily_O said:


> Is it correct to assume u r catholic?
> Sounds like if he is then he's not that committed.
> 
> If religion is important to u, then after you have taken some time to heal, find someone who values that as much as u do.
> ...


To speak honestly, if OP is catholic then there is no divorce. You can "annull" your marriage.
Have you tried the 180? Do it for yourself. Ill link you to it later when i can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> To speak honestly, if OP is catholic then there is no divorce. You can "annull" your marriage.
> Have you tried the 180? Do it for yourself. Ill link you to it later when i can.


If she is Catholic she would still get a divorce. Divorce is a civil action, not a religious one.

Then, if they were married by a Catholic priest she would appeal to her parish for an annulment by the Church.

If they were not married by a Catholic priest, she would appeal to her parish for a dispensation. 

There are many Catholics who go through the civil action of divorce who never get an annulment. They cannot be married again in the Church as the Church considers them to be still married.


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## Lily_O (Dec 17, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> He should have warned you he was Peter Pan with a bad weed habit before he inflicted himself upon you by becoming your husband.
> 
> He wants three wives? Well, I hear that parts of Utah and Nevada have whole communities that espouse that idea.


Yeah, but he'd have to give up the weed. Somehow I get the feeling that that would be a deal breaker for him. ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Well said Elegirl 
exactly right


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## Lily_O (Dec 17, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> Lily-O is very very wise.
> 
> escucha bien


Thank you.
It is always easier to give good advice from the outside looking in.
:-\
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lily_O said:


> Yeah, but he'd have to give up the weed. Somehow I get the feeling that that would be a deal breaker for him. ;-)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, maybe...


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## mamasboyswife (Apr 15, 2012)

Thank you again, 

well we got a civil wedding we planned to have a catholic wedding next year...but anyways...i saw him today he said he miss me a lot, but is not the first time he hurts me like this, when is not his sister that needs him everyweekend so he babysit the kids while she and her husband are having fun and going out, then are his bad new habits... i am a quite girl that likes to have fun but not that kind of fun using drugs and he tells me marihuana is nothing even he tried convincing me to consume them... we separated about two months ago, and he is living with a coworker but when he wanted to come back i told him i need to see a change that we can be still seeing each other but after what happened yesterday...i just said no more...

TODAY...he calls that wants to meet me and see me "to talk" i told him i dont want to talk about what happened or what he said to me, that is just over and there is nothing else to discuss he wanted to come home and i told him he is not coming anymore to my apartment,then he told me i have to meet him because i had to sign a document to renew our health insurance so tomorrow he can deposit the request at his job asap.well i agreed but what he didnt see coming was that i took all his clothes and others stuff, packed very well and put it in a shopping cart along with some homemade cookies...when he saw me he told me that it wasnt necessary to bring his clothes that he could come home to picked them up, i told him he is not invited into my apt. anymore and then he cried (i didnt cry) and i just told him thanks for everything and that i dont want his calls if he has something to say to me he must send an email and i said goodbye i didnt hug him and no goodbay kiss nothing just a smile with my lips closed like the monalisa's one and i left. :BoomSmilie_anim: but honestly since i had the opportunity i started crying...


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

bien hecho

Take care of yourself. Be strong mijita


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## Lily_O (Dec 17, 2012)

mamasboyswife said:


> Thank you again,
> 
> well we got a civil wedding we planned to have a catholic wedding next year...but anyways...i saw him today he said he miss me a lot, but is not the first time he hurts me like this, when is not his sister that needs him everyweekend so he babysit the kids while she and her husband are having fun and going out, then are his bad new habits... i am a quite girl that likes to have fun but not that kind of fun using drugs and he tells me marihuana is nothing even he tried convincing me to consume them... we separated about two months ago, and he is living with a coworker but when he wanted to come back i told him i need to see a change that we can be still seeing each other but after what happened yesterday...i just said no more...
> 
> TODAY...he calls that wants to meet me and see me "to talk" i told him i dont want to talk about what happened or what he said to me, that is just over and there is nothing else to discuss he wanted to come home and i told him he is not coming anymore to my apartment,then he told me i have to meet him because i had to sign a document to renew our health insurance so tomorrow he can deposit the request at his job asap.well i agreed but what he didnt see coming was that i took all his clothes and others stuff, packed very well and put it in a shopping cart along with some homemade cookies...when he saw me he told me that it wasnt necessary to bring his clothes that he could come home to picked them up, i told him he is not invited into my apt. anymore and then he cried (i didnt cry) and i just told him thanks for everything and that i dont want his calls if he has something to say to me he must send an email and i said goodbye i didnt hug him and no goodbay kiss nothing just a smile with my lips closed like the monalisa's one and i left. :BoomSmilie_anim: but honestly since i had the opportunity i started crying...


That was a very brave thing you did. It must have taken a lot of courage.
Do you have family and friends in real life that will support you in this?
Either way, I suggest a good counselor, one that supports your decision. ( If you get one that tries to make you second guess your choice, then walk out and find a different one) what you need right now is people in your corner who will lift you up and help you regain your self confidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mamasboyswife (Apr 15, 2012)

another thing...he told me is willing to help me financially because he knows with my job i cant pay the apt by myself....what do yo think about that...im already looking for another job so i don't have to receive money from him, bu meanwhile what do you think?



Lily_O said:


> That was a very brave thing you did. It must have taken a lot of courage.
> Do you have family and friends in real life that will support you in this?
> Either way, I suggest a good counselor, one that supports your decision. ( If you get one that tries to make you second guess your choice, then walk out and find a different one) what you need right now is people in your corner who will lift you up and help you regain your self confidence.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

No strings attached?

Are you divorcing? 

See a lawyer - he has some financial responsibilities


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## Lily_O (Dec 17, 2012)

mamasboyswife said:


> another thing...he told me is willing to help me financially because he knows with my job i cant pay the apt by myself....what do yo think about that...im already looking for another job so i don't have to receive money from him, bu meanwhile what do you think?


Is he the kind of person who will use it against you?
Do you have family or friends that will help you instead? Will your parish? Do you qualify for public assistance?

Only you know if this is his way of keeping his foot in the door. Listen to your instincts.
I am guessing that there is at least a little red flag there if you are mentioning it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mamasboyswife (Apr 15, 2012)

he can maybe use it i dont k now, but i dont qualify for public assistance, he worked out that he will send me a text or email on specific days of the week when he wants me to take out money out of the bank ( i have an extra of his debit card), i just really want to get a better job so i can tell him i dont want your money anymore.




Lily_O said:


> Is he the kind of person who will use it against you?
> Do you have family or friends that will help you instead? Will your parish? Do you qualify for public assistance?
> 
> Only you know if this is his way of keeping his foot in the door. Listen to your instincts.
> ...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you file for divorce you can ask for interim spousal support.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

"the 180"

The Healing Heart: The 180


You've done great thus far. Keep it up.


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