# 6 months into R and I am a mess...



## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

I posted before what happened but for those who don't know my story here is the short version..My H had A with a co-worker for about 6 weeks..then on a Friday I get a call and a coworker outs their affair, not only to me but his AP spouse as well, my H claims to end A after it was exposed but on Saturday he goes to bar with her and that night her H commits suicide..now we have been in R for 6 months but this woman has not went away, she has threatened the life of me, my H and my children..I have protective orders against her as well as does my H and children, she still violates the orders and comes to my house claiming they are in love and I am keeping them apart and that I have brainwashed my H into saying the things he has to her, her family has contacted us to let us know how unstable she is and they are also the ones who alerted us to her being HIV+, we have both been tested twice thus far and been negative everytime, but how can we go on when she won't go away? Everytime she breaks the orders the police are useless, there isn't anything they can do unless they catch her on our property and its not like she is standing in my yard hand in her pockets waiting on them...she made the comment last time she was here when I pulled a gun on her that next time I better be willing to pull the trigger..ugh..I am at a loss..I feel my mental capacity is dwindling and that I myself am now on the verge of a mental break down..has anyone else dealt with this and how do you get them to go away? And if its something I have to tough out then how do I keep this from further affecting our R so our M can continue to recover?


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

holy crap. 

I dont know how rooted you guys are or your finances/ability to move...can you move?


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

Right now our finances are drained from legal expenses and having to move our children to a different school, all of our family live in the same town as us so moving is just not an option unless someone wants to give me the winning lotto numbers..


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Wow. Would it help to install cameras to capture her violating the OOP? They sell them fairly cheap and it might be worth it if the police can use the video against her.


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

Yeah i would get a fairly cheap camera to record her on your property. 

On a much more drastic concept since this lady is clearly offer her rocker, while i'd never condone violence, do you live in a "Make My Day State?" She obviously isn't scared of threatening your family.


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

We paid over $1000 for survelliance cameras that even have night vision but they will not use them as evidenve for arrest, they only used them as evidence to issue the protective orders..it doesn't make much sense to me why you can use them for one and not the other, they have to physically catch her here..I even thought about shooting her with a horse tranquilzer...I am just at my wits end and it is beginning to cause me to despise my H even more for getting us into this situation and I don 't want to feel that way, I love him and I know he loves me and we are or should say we were doing great until this chaos began to spiral..my friends and family say they fear more for my safety then my husband or my children because she sees me as the one in the way of their relationship..she sent my husband a message saying that now that her H is gone that I am the only one in the way and she is going to deal with me in her way so they can be together like they are suppose to be..her mother-in-law is fighting for custody of this crazy womans children and that I am glad of because I have a voicemail on my phone where this crazy woman had her 8yr old daughter call me and since I didn't answer had the child say "He loves us, not you, you stupid b*tch so leave us the f*ck alone!" A child, she put a child up to this..she acts like she is my husbands wife and i am the other woman...PLEASE HELP ME!!!


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Move!

Now!


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

If I could move I would, but this just isn't an option..she is suppose to be living in another state, but seems to like to drive 900 miles every other day to my house and if she isn't driving she is calling and I don't know how she is getting our numbers because we have changed them several times..we blocked her number and she had hers changed, its like a sick cat and mouse game..and if we did move we would have to move far away from all our family and never tell anyone where we are because I am afraid she would just follow us..


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you sure her H comitted suicide?


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

At this point I am not sure, but she called the police and claimed she found him that way..I just want all this to be over with..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*And the reason people are 100 percent certain her husband killed himself is????*

Is it possible she killed him?

_You need to distance yourself from this poor, deluded woman sooner, not later._


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

This is like a damn movie I swear!

You need to keep everything documented and call the police chief. Call the mayor. Call the newspaper. Call someone until something is done?

Another alternative would be to file a civil suit for loss of wages, pain and suffering. Record every call she makes to you.

I am wondering as well how she is getting your phone numbers. Could someone be giving them out?


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

You poor thing, that is awful. At times it does seem like the law cannot do anything to protect you. Unfotunately there is no legal way I can suggest for you to deal with her.
It is like Fatal Attraction.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Good Lord. I'm sorry you have to deal with this bunny boiler.
I think OW's MIL trying to custody of her children makes her even more desperate.


> she made the comment last time she was here when I pulled a gun on her that next time I better be willing to pull the trigger


That's what she want? Suicide by proxy? Maybe. She lost VH, she's likely losing children, she has HIV... she has tunnel vision: WH is her salvation.

I wish I caould offer advice but I have not nothing sound to say.
Just sending you friendsy hugs.

Are you documenting all this crazyness, a calendar.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Get a loud, large dog for in the house. Get one of those deer cameras someone on here mentioned to monitor the outside. Keep your gun close. (I hope you've had some kind of weapons training).


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

UPDATE: Still dealing with crazy woman, I am documenting everything and have video tapes and voice recordings of her coming out my ears, the only thing they have been useful for was extending our protective order which is a worthless piece of paper in my opinion. Have changed our numbers 3 more times and am at a loss at how she keeps getting them, we have cut ties with any mutual friends we have with her, I just can't figure it out. A few weeks ago our children were staying with relatives and my husband and I were sleeping it was about 2am and I was woken by a loud crashing sound so my husband and I got up to investigate and found our daughters bedroom window open, a few days later my husband got a email from crazy with pictures of us sleeping and she said she almost killed me seeing me snuggled up to him like that but knew she had to wait til the time was right so they wouldnt suspect my husband did me in and so her and him could be together. My H freaked out, and made me get a concealed weapons liscense, when he took the pics and the message to our police dept they said there was no way to know she was the one who sent them, small town police help is useless...my husband has even had to change jobs 2 more times because she stalks him everywhere, so now we haven't told anyone where he is working now not even our family, moving still isn't an option yet, but we have put a FOR SALE sign in our yard and started staying with relatives so she will think we are moving although we really aren't and she has managed to spray paint DIE B*TCH on the front door twice..she really needs medical help and her family isn't wanting to step in and help, this has been going on since March and I am slowly losing my sanity still..I have realized that I can handle alot more than I thought I could but enough is enough..


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Frankly, you should have said goodbye to your husband ages ago, let him deal with the psycho OW. Isn't exposing you to an STD enough to know that you and the family are not the number one priority in his life?
Reconciliation in such circumstances is really not worth it, look what's been happening, an absolute nightmare for you to deal with. If I were you I would call the OW and ask her to take your H off your hands right after filing for divorce and then going NC on him.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

She needs to be Baker Acted or failing that, an Ex-Parte Order. Find out the laws in your state regarding these. She needs a 72 hour evaluation. Call into the Abuse Registry of your state and report that she is using her child to make prank calls to you cursing bad words, making threats etc. The incidents need to be on record somewhere and a judge needs to know she's breaking the restraining order. Record conversations including those with the child and document everything from the beginning time/date/event - doesn't have to be a book, just an entry note as if in a calendar diary - This holds great credibility in court. Speak with a psychiatrist - they will offer you guidance on managing the matter. If you know one already, he might be able to initiate the Baker Act (if she lies her way out of it, it will be on record in case any harm comes to you and family). He will evaluate you as well, but it will be in his documentation what the nature of your complaints are, even if he prescribes you anti-depressants this will do well in building a case against her. If nothing else, you can sue her for harassment and collect some $ for the emotional distress, maybe enough to relocate. Beeline for her pocket - the place most people get hurt most painfully. Always be prepared for the unexpected. These may escalate her to act illegally and therefore be subject to arrest. You must take control and drop the victim trap.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

BT&S. IMHO this is not about infidelity anymore, this about someone getting seriously hurt. To include her child in this adult madness. My professional opinion is you are doing everything within the limits of the law. Unfortunately for us lawdogs we have to see it to act on it. I empathize with you. This deluded individual will slip up, they always do. As the others have said. Document, document document. In addition I don't care what a department says video is always good. It shows intent. That is priceless


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

OMG how in the world are u still functioning? How are your kids taking this? I feel so badly for u. Anyone thought to shoot in self-defense? H should take a bullet on this one. You watch your self......May the powers that be watch over you, protect you and keep you safe.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i would give that recording of her child berating you to CPS. she is putting her child right smack in the middle of a situation concerning adult themes. there's something seriously wrong with that.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

cledus_snow said:


> i would give that recording of her child berating you to CPS. she is putting her child right smack in the middle of a situation concerning adult themes. there's something seriously wrong with that.


:iagree:

As much as I hate to say it, this is probably a good reason to contact CPS.

I really don't like that organization very much, but in this case she should probably not be with a child. 

Maybe that will redirect her focus and put a scrutinizing eye on her.


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

Not much has changed besides the fact that she has gotten physical, my children told me my sister was at our house so I went to open the door for her and it was OW instead, she slapped me so hard I thought I had whiplash, needless to say I retaliated and pushed her down our steps (about 8 of them), this may sound bad or evil and I am a rather sweet kind person but I was hoping during the fall that her neck broke..unfortunately it didn't and when I contacted the police they only took 3 hours to make it to my house this time and said there is nothing once again they can do but take my statement and speak with her because in these circumstances its my word against hers until they physically catch her on my property...I think I need a taser that way I can knock her out and tie her up, but with the way things go for me they would prolly arrest me for kidnapping..the system is so screwed up..I contacted CBS like you all suggested but the only thing they did was give temporary custody to her sister which is who she lives with..makes alot of sense, huh? I hate to say it but it looks like this is never going to end, and if or when it does someone is really going to get hurt..not to mention she has told everyone she is moving in with my husband, which leads me to believe her threats of killing me are not far off in her mind...prayers needed here..they always say there's no place like home but at this point I would trade anyone my home for a plain ole house..


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You need to shoot her next time she's on your property. Hell it can be in the kneecap.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Good Lord! Well, when I changed our numbers, I also made them unlisted - so if you haven't made your new number unlisted (costs and extra $5 a month), do it now - also block her number - did that too.

She has nothing to lose. I would be very worried about your family. It seems like it has escalated even more. You should take the kids and go stay with family for a month. Put a SOLD sign in your front yard during that time and trade vehicles with a family member so if you have to go back to get things your car won't be recognized - only have your husband go back there for very short periods of time to do that.

You sould get a tazer and pepper spray and keep a baseball bat handy at all times. Sounds like she is camping out close by. You should not assume that she is 900 miles away.

She took pictures of you sleeping? Girl, move your family in with relatives now - as far across town as you can get. It is temporary, but you just have too.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Jasel said:


> You need to shoot her next time she's on your property. Hell it can be in the kneecap.


NO!

Never shoot to wound. It defeats your claim of fearing for your life. 

Never answer the door without weapon in hand and be prepared to take her life in defense of yours our your family. 

Run through scenarios you may encounter with her and make plans to counter.

Chance favors the prepared mind!


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

ugh...someone just trade me houses for awhile...any takers???...I am so stressed my hair is falling out and I am losing weight, I don't even feel alive anymore...has anyone else experienced the crazy stalker scorned woman lover before?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Your husband should move out or you should take the kids and move out and stay some place else if you can afford it. Moreso your husband since he brought this on your family to begin with.

I'm not saying divorce but your kids don't sound safe in that house at all.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

On the topic of how she is getting your phone number.

One of my sisters was being stalked by some guy who would call her and tell her the details of how he was going to kill her and do things to her body. He knew her daily schedule even when she changed it. This went on for months. Every time she changed her phone number he was able to get the new number immediately.

Eventually the police found out who he was and then it was clear how he kept getting her new phone numbers and new her daily schedule. 

He worked in the records office of the college she was attending. Every time she changed her phone number she’d tell the school and he’d get the new number from her records. Also he was the neighbor of her son’s best friend. Every time she changed her phone number, her son would tell his friend. Her phone number was always written on a white board next to the friend’s family land line.

Her stalker spent a lot of time visiting his neighbors, son’s best friend’s house. And there he’d see her new phone number of the white board and he’d listen to her son talking about his mom and what she was up to.

Your stalker, this woman, either knows someone who you are giving your number to or she works in a place where she has access to your number. Where does she work? Check with everyone you know to find out who she visits when she comes to your town.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Get two large, trained German Shepherds. Let them be your first level of protection. Then you have your gun. If she gets past the dogs just shoot her. Well except if she does not have a weapon it would be murder.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Stonewall said:


> NO!
> 
> Never shoot to wound. It defeats your claim of fearing for your life.


Too many people watch movies and don't realize there are laws against this behavior.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Call the state attorney office. If local will not do their job, find someone who will. By showing up at the house she violated the oop. 

I hope you have called and filed after each incident.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

What the Hell is your Husband doing to protect the family???? He should be the one forcing the issue to the police _(I don't just mean go there and file a complaint, Yell and Draw attention to how serious it is)_, news stations, Mayor, Governor .......ANYTHING to protect his family from the problems HE CAUSED. That includes MOVING out and making a diversion for her to leave you and the CHILDREN alone. 

I don't want to read another headline or news clip about some Psycho person hurting or ******* a family, then watch the newscasters talk about how the community is shocked and if there was a way to prevent it.

Whatever cameras you have you need to set it up in better positions. GET a guard dog.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Your local police do not exist in a vacuum. Where do they come up with their ideas of what is a prosecutable offense? For example, you told them she slapped you and they told you it was her word against yours. If you had told them a man had raped you, would they tell you it was your word against his, or would they arrest him?

Have you contacted the county prosecutor or the state attorney general about your situation?

Have you consulted an attorney? Have you considered suing this woman? There are different standards of proof required for a civil suit than a legal suit. 

Have you considered suing the local police or the town? A lawsuit, even a baseless one, is on the public record and could draw the attention of the media.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Buy a small camera and set it up right outside your doorway. If you have it on tape, she will have to be arrested.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I really find it hard to believe that the police won't arrest her for violating the restraining order. I practice criminal defense and hardly ever do the police actually catch the suspect "in the act" of violating the order. Witness corroboration should be enough to file charges.


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## boogie110 (Aug 3, 2012)

LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND and this will go away, don't you think? 

So sorry, but jeez - I can't even begin to forgive my husband and have been violent with him and am violent with my words daily. I can't imagine going through this.

LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND AND THIS WILL GO AWAY.

He created this f'ing BULL SH*T! LET HIM END IT!

And she is HIV POS? Are you sh8tting me? 

I hate to be so horrible, but damn this woman could kill you, your kids and could have with an STD that kills and you're still with the man who created this nightmare for you and your kids? 

Your kids have to be your priority. By staying with the man who did this to you - you are putting him as the priority. I mean man, I am all for reconciling - unless I hear stories like this one.....geepers!

LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND AND THIS WILL GO AWAY.

You can always get back with him later...as long as he is still alive and without any deadly stds.

LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND AND THIS WILL GO AWAY.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

BeenThereAndSuffering said:


> ugh...someone just trade me houses for awhile...any takers???...I am so stressed my hair is falling out and I am losing weight, I don't even feel alive anymore...has anyone else experienced the crazy stalker scorned woman lover before?


BeenThere:

In case you haven't looked at this, below is a link to those states that have Castle Law statutes, and how they read. If it were me, and I lived in one of them, I'd be ready to blow her head off once she dared enter my house or even (in some states) on your property. Research your self defense rights. You certainly already have evidence that she is a lethal threat to you and your family. 

That said, your husband should be taking the lead in this. He's the one that needs to make this go away. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't let anyone intimidate me into moving or leaving my family; especially if I lived in a Castle state (and fortunately I do).

P.S. If you have trouble with any of these links, PM me and I'll be happy to send you information directly. Hang in there. 

Self Defense by State : Ready to Defend, - Real Security


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Well, I heard about this guy that invited the "Person" that was causing the problem on a "Vacation" to a place, let's call it, humm Mexico just for something simple. Well, they got there and the "Person" liked the night life and the shopping soo much that she wanted to stay and help the poor people there. So she stayed. That is the story that I heard."Really" I thought that it was so nice of her.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

I do have to agree with post #37.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

boogie110 said:


> LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND and this will go away, don't you think?
> 
> So sorry, but jeez - I can't even begin to forgive my husband and have been violent with him and am violent with my words daily. I can't imagine going through this.
> 
> ...


I so agree!

Your kids come first before your idiot of a husband! For your own sanity and for your kids safety.....LEAVE NOW>>>>>>>>>


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

UPDATE: It has been a peaceful couple days, probably because the OW is in jail, her bond has been set now she is just waiting for someone to post it...the events that led to her arrest are simple, she came to my house and I snuck out my back door with my 3yr old and took him to a neighbors, during this period I had 911 operator on my cell stating what was happening and she told me to remain calm that police were on their way..I have heard that so many times..so I took matters in my own hands and borrowed a knife from my neighbor and stabbed her car tire so she couldn't get away so easy, I must say she was pretty upset with her flat and started throwing stuff at my house and broke out a window and since she couldn't drive her car, she took off on foot which was pretty easy for them to find her, she tried to claim she was driving down the road and got a flat and pulled into the drive not knowing it was our house..lol..yeah right..it was hard for her to explain the window and even harder for her to explain when my neighbor gave video to the police along with what our cameras had captured of her being crazy..we finally got some kind of result from the police at least now they know this is real and maybe they will pay closer attention to the fact that this is serious and she means business especially since they found a gun in her car..trying to keep the faith here and trying to stay sane..thank God for my neighbor being home!! And thank you all for your words of wisdom..I am glad I have you all and your help..


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

And so everyone knows, my children ALWAYS come first before anyone, even myself..my husband has been an idiot and brought alot on our family and he deserves all that is thrown at him and I am not going to defend his actions but he has went above and beyond trying to make things go away, he begged the courts and the police for help and all they did was issue a piece of paper that is useless..he has switched jobs multiple times and even arranged for us to stay with family, he has tried and he should since this mess is all his fault but I NEVER put him before my babies..NEVER!!


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Ok Good Morning . Say I'm really old fashion but I was always told and believed the Husband and Wife's relationship came before the needs of everything and all else. Not that the children should not be a priority but your relationship was more of a priority than the day to day needs of the children. The children need to learn that above all else Mommy and Daddy need their time/together without them (whatever you want to call it) came first. Then of course if it's life threatening of course you should have taken the kids left but I can see why you couldn't. Let us hope this is the end of it and she gets what she needs to move on. I wonder what the kids think and feel about all this how are they doing? It must have been very frightening for them, do they understand what is going on? Are they treating their father any differently? Rambling again best I go get some coffee. I was just wondering how you are keeping it together as a family unit? And WS back to some old behaviors? I am really glad you kept your wits about u and got this woman caught and you and yours safe.


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