# Refuses different positions. Then what?



## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

My wife just wants to do it missionary and has no interest in other positions. The few times we have had sex the past year that's the general theme. If I were to suggest a different position right before or during sex, and she says no, should I say I'm not interested anymore? Let her win? Say I'm bored doing it the same way? In the past I have just let her get her way. I'd like a response that has a positive effect but doesn't end on a too sour note. Any particular response as a potential to do more damage. 

Thanks guys. FYI, I find this forum very educational.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Hurra said:


> My wife just wants to do it missionary and has no interest in other positions. The few times we have had sex the past year that's the general theme. If I were to suggest a different position right before or during sex, and she says no, should I say I'm not interested anymore? Let her win? Say I'm bored doing it the same way?
> 
> Thanks guys. FYI, I find this forum very educational.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My advice? Get her out of the bedroom. It's easier to suggest other positions if missionary just isn't convenient. I understand she might be reluctant, but then again if you held her to higher standards over-all, a change of position isn't that big a deal to her. Now having sex in the first place . . .


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I would try to say things like she is very sexy and you want to see her body during sex.

You also want to try some new exciting things to pleasure her.

I had a girlfriend like this during college, and nothing worked. So I broke up with her, she begged me to come back and said she would do any position I wanted lol.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Getting her out of the bedroom is another challenge. Seeing her body is also another challenge. She rarely does it in the light. And yes, having sex is also a challenge right now. I think it would be easier to train a monkey to race the Indy 500. lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Hurra, female sexuality is linked more to attraction than function, so while different positions may do it for you, she's not receptive because she's not finding you very sexually attractive right now. 

There are a number of posts on nice guy stuff and creating sexual attraction with you wife. I'd focus on that and not positions. If you can get yourself to a point where she finds you attractive again, I think you'll find the sex gets better. 

Atholk, MEM and BigBadWolf have a lots of good info on this.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

It could be that she is insecure about her body image. I had this problem with my Wife and she would rarely do it if it wasnt dark.

It took a lot of time of me telling her how sexy she is and seeing her body turns me on. After a while she was cool with it.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Is she having O's in the missionary position every time?

That in itself seems a miracle to me.


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

So she says no when you ask for a new position, does she give a reason why? 

You might want to try saying something like "Babe I'd love to try this (name the position) with you, I think it would make _you_ feel real good" she how she reacts or maybe try a diferent approach (be warned she may not like this), a lot of women like little force in bed, maybe while in missionary just grab and move her into the position you want don't ask, just do!, my H sometimes does that and I'll put up a fake resistance (playfully), then I'll let him have it.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Star said:


> So she says no when you ask for a new position, does she give a reason why?
> 
> You might want to try saying something like "Babe I'd love to try this (name the position) with you, I think it would make _you_ feel real good" she how she reacts or maybe try a diferent approach (be warned she may not like this), a lot of women like little force in bed, maybe while in missionary just grab and move her into the position you want don't ask, just do!, my H sometimes does that and I'll put up a fake resistance (playfully), then I'll let him have it.


And some women would take that akin to spousal rape. It sounds as if the OP's SO would likely lean towards that. The "lights out in the missionary position" is about as close to "try not to disturb me too much" sex as I can think of. She's not going to be into him "forcing" anything. She'll only use it as an excuse not to have sex with him any time soon.


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

IanIronwood said:


> And some women would take that akin to spousal rape. It sounds as if the OP's SO would likely lean towards that. The "lights out in the missionary position" is about as close to "try not to disturb me too much" sex as I can think of. She's not going to be into him "forcing" anything. She'll only use it as an excuse not to have sex with him any time soon.



And that's exactly why I said "be warned"


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Catherine602 said:


> If you are asking for too many sex acts that don't get her an orgasm then I think you are boring her.


A flat-out refusal to try any other position than missionary would seem to indicate a lot of things. Boredom being one. Hostility is another.

BTW, whatever happened to speaking up about making sex more enjoyable? 

Asking to try a different position sounds positive.

My presumption would be for any position to be fun if wanted. a spouse who doesn't climax? Not good. The spouse who doesn't climax? He or she has a certain obligation to thine own self be true!

No guy wants to find out they don't satisfy. finding this out after years of not satisfying? That is more on the person who doesn't speak up and make changes, alert their partner to needed changes.

Nobody is a mindreader.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

it could be she just isnt sexual, but it is probably your fault somehow


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

She is very self conscious with no reason to be. She was making an effort prior marriage to overcome it and was doing well but once we got married that progress was erased.

I wouldn't force her to but years ago I would get her where I wanted her you could say and she never seemed fully comfortable but didn't refuse.

But some good replies here. Thanks.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Had a man who didn't catch that hint when I downloaded an app for that on my ipod!!! 

Will only offer that my first venture into the world of positions came from finding out that some make for better pleasure for women than others... just plan for a silly play night and initiated myself... Maybe she just doesn't know how good certain positions can make it for her?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Hurra said:


> She is very self conscious with no reason to be. She was making an effort prior marriage to overcome it and was doing well but once we got married that progress was erased.
> 
> I wouldn't force her to but years ago I would get her where I wanted her you could say and she never seemed fully comfortable but didn't refuse.
> 
> But some good replies here. Thanks.


Oh she tried it before. Body image is an insidious problem for women. We think we need to be model perfect to be seen and concentrate on flaws. 

"I would get her where I wanted her you could say and she never seemed fully comfortable but didn't refuse."

How did you get her where you wanted even though she was uncomfortable?? How did her discomfort effect you? Did you just go at and feel nothing but the pleasure of an orgasm? 

I don't know. My thought is that if she was uncomfortable and you knew it but you got her where you wanted her, she may have felt you were insensitive and self centered. In human terms, it is unusual for a person who cares about another to be able to have pleasure knowing that the other person is uncomfortable. 

It sets up a dynamic where the pleasure you get is more important than the person you are with. She may have felt that you were using her body for your pleasure whether she liked or not. Maybe she felt it's her body and she should not make herself uncomfortable so that you were entertained. 

Ian will probably have a canary now!!! :scratchhead: She was insensitive to him not giving him another use of her body for pleasure. How would that work.

What would be fair. He is having sex and orgasms but he is still not happy because she wont make herself uncomfortable to relieve his boredom. I guess he could divorce and find a woman who is more entertaining. 

Nevertheless, I think you can still get her to open up. I did but it was not because my husband got me where he wanted me or it would never have happened. He was loving and appreciated the sex we had.

I felt more comfortable and trusting that he he cared about me as much as himself. I felt safe, I learned that he was uncomfortable when I was and could not get any pleasure out of sex on those terms. 

She may not trust you because she may think that no matter what, you want your pleasure.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

do you do oral? toys? maybe try these things to get her motor running-----then maybe you can get more creative.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Make her feel like the sexiest most desired woman in the world. say things like "I want to f*** you, you make me so hard" , be bold and daring and manly. I like it when my SO isn't shy about what he likes, when he tells me straight and gives me direction.


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