# Here it Goes Again!



## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

I posted over a month ago on the "considering D or S" under "Here it Goes"...now I am posting on the "Going Through" section.

I moved out on August 8th, it has been horrible, I miss my daughter and "home" immensly. Moving out was not difficult, I just took my clothes, left everything that was "ours". Over the last month my wife has refused to speak with me about anything but the 2 kids (18 boy; 15 daughter) and finances. I am still depositing 2/3's of my paycheck into our joint account to stay on top of the bills (my wife makes more $ than I do, but I refuse to change the finances to the point my daughter or son feel the ramifications financially). I live megerly, just withholding enough for rent, utilities, and groceries...I do not spend any $ that is in our joint account, just some from my own savings and 1/3 of my paycheck.

Even though my wife is the one who had the EA; I caught her (if you read the other thread - I screwed up also - and she still doesn't know I am a WS just like her) she is upset with me for moving out to the point she will not discuss things with me. In all of y'alls experience, is this typical?

We very briefly talked about me being home this past Sunday (yardwork...spending time with my daughter, etc...) and she said that it was good having me home, and she even told me, that she told my daughter "that daddy is my best friend". I guess I just need to be patient and figure it out when we both are ready to agree to R through MC or end it.

Living alone sucks - I need IC to see if I can get over the resentment and the feelings of betrayal...I am scared though that if I cannot, I will not be able to trust ANYONE, let alone my wife if we do attempt R.

Another question, do you begin R while you are living apart or does it really only work if your living together?

Thank you,


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I would quit contributing that much money.

It makes you a doormat.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Your boy is 18? Going to school still or on his own working?

You pay what you're legally obligated to pay and that's it.

Unless you're okay paying for her to leave you and eventually becoming the "down payment" supplier for posom and there dinner dates.

So she tells you're daughter you guys are "best friends", that's nice and all but it's not "husband and wife".

Your kids are also well beyond the age of being able to make up there own minds on who is doing what and who isn't.


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Conrad - In the beginning I had no idea how this (financial) was supposed to work - I thought, if my wife is putting 100% of her paycheck into the joint account (to pay for all the bills) I should contribute all that I can as well. This eventually was my decision, although she pressured in the beginning (we were very low on funds at the start of last month - explain later). I took advice from an attorney and he said take out of your paycheck what you need to live on - again, my decision on how much. - thanks for the input, much appreciated

UP - My son just started college, paying for room and board and books, dorm stuff, etc... Also, I had a new air comfort system in stalled this summer and those bills began to roll in (thats why were low on funds in August).

I moved out - she can do what she wants to as I can as well, neither is dating anyone, seeing anyone, she has been going out with friends and thats fine - her AP is far away, although I still dont think she is out of the "fog" of her EA...and thats a huge reason I left, that and the trickle's were a beat down over time.

Again, I moved out, but technically / under the same roof, we have been separated for a long time and I am not sure of our future so us remaining "friends" is very important to our kids...and yes, the kids are aware (not of the indiscretions) but of what I am doing and what she is doing for the future of our family. - thanks for the input


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