# FWBs



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Was browsing and saw this in classifieds, can't say that I'm surprised but:










Those 23 girls must be getting alot of action! I've never had established FWB arrangements from online sites, but been looking at this as I'm not interested in emotional entanglements, no longer with my social circles that I had in the past too so it seems it's going to be a little harder it seems - most of the women I've met thus far were interested in relationships.

It also makes me regret saying no to that woman I was flirting with at work but when I told her that I wasn't interested as I want to work things out with my wife in the midst of our seperation but then she said "it didn't have to be serious"
Regardless I lost contact =/

I don't know, a part is worried that if I keep choking my chicken I'll start to prefer it more than sex - which happened a few times with my STBX in the past, because I only had to move one muscle, sex requires your whole body and can be tiring (especially with HER demands)

Maybe I should just get out as reflecting back to that lady who offered a FWB arrangment it seems women would be more comfortable when you're not one of 600+ guys online just looking for ***** :rofl:

Thoughts?


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## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

Most women need to be in a "relationship" to have sex. Even if they are not serious about the man, they need to feel that they are not just being a ****. They at least want to be friendly with the man. You could just start going out and making friends of both sexes and maybe you will luck out and meet the perfect women to be your FWB. And if not, hey you made some new friends at the least. For women it's usually about more than just sex, or at least they have to rationalize it to themselves that it is. That's my experience anyway.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

those are some scary numbers...........


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah, just like that lady I flirted with, I doubt I would have got anywhere without building rapport with her first, have to make her feel safe and respected. Guess I should stop turning the woman my mates sent my way down just to be a douche, one of them could have been worthwhile if only I really tried.

For some reason I just decided to be a douche the minute they said something wrong or reminded me of my ex... heh guess I wasn't ready for even FWB!!!! Or maybe it's just habit, from being with my STBX for so long, I don't know. Guess I'll try again 

Anyways I established rules pretty quickly in the past with FWBs and they did work. The problem is when friends become close I guess, hence no after sex talk/no hanging out, and for me personally I would need at least two or three to keep myself from being attached myself.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My SO and I started off as FWB's, meeting on a website focusing on "adult" relationships. That worked well, till we both fell in love about the same time. That was over 2 years ago...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thumper said:


> those are some scary numbers...........


Check out couples seeking couples lol



PBear said:


> My SO and I started off as FWB's, meeting on a website focusing on "adult" relationships. That worked well, till we both fell in love about the same time. That was over 2 years ago...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nah, I won't let that happen, then I can't be such an advocate for FWB arrangements anymore if I fk up myself! =O lol


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, our "downfall" was me working from my new place after my separation, her coming over to help set it up, and then her starting a part-time job about 3 blocks away from my new place. As you said, we didn't maintain our "rules" about keeping things strictly sexual. But I wouldn't have it any other way... I've got a woman in my life who I'm highly compatible with sexually, and I happen to fall in love with her personality as well... :/)

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I hear from women who do both , that is, a profile for a longterm relationship and one for something quick, that the guys who answer the first ad are 6 and 7s; and the guys who answer the second are 10s.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

PBear said:


> My SO and I started off as FWB's, meeting on a website focusing on "adult" relationships. That worked well, till we both fell in love about the same time. That was over 2 years ago...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Likewise. My wife and I began as FWB's.

That was almost 13 years ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I love the Craigslist personals!!

The wife and I browse them together and just roll with laughter.

FWB situations with me have always evolved from a platonic friendship with weak boundaries.

Anyone like that in your life?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah... that would do it =/

You're lucky I guess in that way 
It's even kinda romantic lol

But personally for me I'm just done with all emotional baggage, both the good and the bad, hardened as a result, and I want the rules there for not just preventing complications and dramas, but to protect myself from falling into the same trap as I did when I first met my wife. No desire to fall in love again, the whole idea makes me dizzy...

Just meaningless exchange of fluids and I won't have to be a literal wanker for the rest of my life based on my decision to avoid relationships. Besides I have alot of things going against me; my daughter, the fact that I don't want to raise someone's kid as well, my age, etc etc. Sure I have money but after losing a chunk of it to my STBX any hint of materialism just makes me wanna go "REALLY?"
GET OUT lol

Which is why probably I haven't even been able to even build enough rapport to establish a FWB arrangement.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

my wife had 2 FWB when i first meet her. but the first time i meet her (just meet not even dated) she called them both up told them she was done and 7 years later we may have spent one week apart.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Both my SO and myself came from intimacy deficient relationships, and it seemed like when we found a like minded individual, we absorbed the others affections like a sponge. So yeah, I think of it as kind of romantic, even if I have no idea what I'll tell my kids when the ask how we met. Or my mother, for that matter... 

C


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

And of those 23 women looking for men, I bet at least 15 of them are prostitutes.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah FWB arrangements never last, hence one has to be proactive as well as not get attached, and the short term nature of it can be expected. That's if one is still out hoping for love, which the majority will be.

@PBear

For me in a way I guess I'm just keeping up with what I'm used to. Intimacy and romance was once my thing when I was in love but when it always translated to sex and when my STBX didn't give a sh-t about anything else well it's dead to me now. If the person who knew me the most couldn't even satisfy that need I've decided to stop wanting it, and instead of holding back with an emotional cloud - I decided to be proactive to stop the feelings from coming back I guess.

Like hey, celibacy won't last forever, sooner or later I'm going to want it, I'm already dreaming about it, dreaming about intimacy even, my subconscious is driving my conscious nuts. So hey, I'll do what I did years ago, 2 - 3 women on the side, satisfies my sexual needs and hence shuts up my subconscious so it won't drive me so nuts. As long as I keep to the rules I'm confident I can carry it on indefinitely, like hey I did until I met that psycho girl when I was young.

@BrockLanders

Or all... lol


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

FWB =weak boundaries, on someone's part. 
If you are strong with who you are, not dealing with baggage, some can pull it off.

Otherwise, stick to ONS. just my .02.
That's more what you are looking for, if not able to emotionally do a relationship. FWB is a relationship. Just a messed up one.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Actually the ironic thing is that I enforced boundaries better in FWB arrangements than in my marriage itself, ironic really - probably why they ended up being more successful.

ONSs are too short term it doesn't even leave room to familiarise yourself with your FWB bodies as such or them to familiarise themselves with mine. FWBs worked in the past with established rules, honesty and integrity.

How can they be weak boundaries if rules are followed?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Also there are many advantages for women as well, like the friends in the past I've helped with esteem and confidence through the FWB arrangements, I also gave advice when they decided to try dating again and most of the time we always parted ways without dramas. Comparing that with ONSs, its just wham bam thank you ma'am, and it could be sh-t sex with no opportunity to make it better.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Boundaries for women.
Breaking most of them with a FWB.
In a lot of cases, it's a lack of self esteem, for women, that allows them to be in such an arrangement.

In your case.... you would be the one that would get hurt.
There's always a weaker partner. 
Don't be so sure it isn't you... in your current state.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

How would I get hurt? :scratchhead:
It's not like I even plan to put myself in a position to get hurt as I won't exactly be opening up to them either than physically

As for women, how would they be breaking boundaries? It's not like there's a universal law that a woman can't have sex without attachments or something lol

It's not all bad


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

People in general, cannot.
It takes a person who understands their emotions, isn't vulnerable.

LOL Random, always the tough guy. You'll do just fine.
Nobody hurts you 

Can you "just" have sex with your ex? Why not her then?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> .... and most of the time we always parted ways without dramas. ...


That's exactly how I define a FWB situation and I've never defined it until after I was out of it by using that criteria.

You know what I mean?

I have had a few FWB become years long relationships.

Pre-maturely calling it FWB ain't going to keep you from falling.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I never said I was a tough guy, and I've posted tons of sh-t on this forum where I was pretty much whinging with my guts everywhere even - you should know this =/

So how can you make an accusation like that? I was vulnerable with my wife because I allowed myself to be, do I have the mental capacity to harden up however? Of course, I learnt that when I was 12 being forced onto the streets. But I know my weaknesses, like hey, I posted on the last page that I know my celibacy won't last, I admitted my dreams where my subconscious is plaguing my mind with lost feelings of being loved. However, I also know based on experience how to shut them out.

And I also know how to do it without hurting anyone as I've done in the past until I got collared and then also when I met my wife. And no, my STBX has reached her final straw as well, she's had enough of me and no longer wants to remain married let alone even touch me.

Besides, she's really in a bad way these days, she's a mess and rather tubby even. I still see her weekly to pick up my daughter and the two still have a good relationship even though our daughter bugs both of us to go out together as a family again which we normally did. She misses it, don't blame her, but she'll get used to it just like I did, she's strong, stronger then both my wife and I even in fact. I'm very proud of her myself.

So come on Deejov, why are you implying all this?


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

tacoma said:


> I love the Craigslist personals!!
> 
> The wife and I browse them together and just roll with laughter.


Hubs and I do too. It's hilarious.


Those 23 girls are almost definitely all pro's or scammers.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

tacoma said:


> That's exactly how I define a FWB situation and I've never defined it until after I was out of it by using that criteria.
> 
> You know what I mean?
> 
> ...


Well in the past if I did find myself becoming attached, I normally called up the next girl, when I have just one things do get risky, and year long FWBs don't normally last, normally they just leave on their own accord or if they show signs of becoming attached I end it before it escalated. I was quite good at it in the past, at first I thought it was empathy to know where I stood at all times with these matters but more like instinct.



LadyOfTheLake said:


> Hubs and I do too. It's hilarious.
> 
> 
> Those 23 girls are almost definitely all pro's or scammers.


I actually saw one on that site which was something like "65 yr experienced lady looking for dirty fun"
I didn't know whether to laugh or what lol


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Well in the past if I did find myself becoming attached, I normally called up the next girl, when I have just one things do get risky, and year long FWBs don't normally last, normally they just leave on their own accord or if they show signs of becoming attached I end it before it escalated. I was quite good at it in the past, at first I thought it was empathy to know where I stood at all times with these matters but more like instinct.


Ok but I'm going to save this post just for the smackdown "I told you so!" three months from now when your FWB gig goes wrong.

:smthumbup:

There's only one way to guarantee you'll stay single.
Stay away from women.

Actually interacting with them can go anywhere in no time.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She means generally speaking there is a weaker partner. That one is the one whose feelings get in the way while the other one just wants sex. Yes some of these arrangements turn into relationships but many don't.

This isn't gender specific either. Men can get attached just as easily as women.

She's also saying some women who do this lack self esteem and won't make good life partners.

She's just warning you to be aware.

My warning is be careful who you date or sleep with because you don't know who you will fall in love with.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Thought the new post in CDS was pertinent didn't want you to miss it.



> My wife and I married for financial reasons only. At the time we were just friends with benefits.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...4-should-have-divorced-when-i-had-chance.html


Just sayin'


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Oh I will be careful 

Don't worry guys, though it would be funny if this bites me in the ass lol - but no, FK THAT heh. Like hey, when my wife said she had enough, my heart sank, but I knew deep inside I had enough as well, I wanted to decide there and then "FK IT, I'M GOING TO BE CELIBATE FOREVER", and actually for a while I impressed myself.

Then in my moments of weakness - when I dreamt, I always woke up with a sour taste, cause I dreamt of the feeling I had holding someone I loved close to me. However with all that has happened, I've never felt that much hurt even when I was a child, and I was paralysed for 2 days when my mother kicked me out.

My conscious mind wants to stick to my decision, and besides any future relationships would be more complicated as I have a daughter now, so forget it! Not to mention I know I am shallow enough to not want to find other single parents and date them, because to be honest I hate kids - always did until my daughter was born. All the love that I can possibly have for children is for my daughter solely. So I'm not going to waste my time looking or even planning that for the future, I'm also not one to lead women on or to be dishonest with them.

And also, I'm not one to deny my weaknesses, staying away from women is just not realistic unless I castrate myself, and I've learnt if I tried to stay away and consciously deny my subconscious I will MOST definitely fall in love and possibly out of desperation - can't allow that!

Hence these arrangements seem to be the most logical choice as well as the fact that quite frankly I feel rather pathetic sitting at home and watching porn to get myself off!

Also hey, I wrote this thread, somehow got no replies but whatever:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/70443-guilt-future.html
In a way I still love who my STBX wife was, I loved her throughout my marriage, and hated who she became, and always compared her with who she used to be. The ironic thing is that I destroyed her with my antics as well, and I'm still in the process of forgiving myself over it.

So hey, definitely not ready for emotional attachment, and I doubt I would even be capable, but FWB - why not?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

One problem that I discovered with an FWB was that the guy refused to stay in his box. That goes for guys who never wanted more than an FWB as well. 

If i were single these days, I probably would not opt for an FWB no matter how long I would have to wait.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aye, hence the need for boundaries/ground rules no?

It's Friday night tonight as well, mates want to head out so might as well tag along. Might meet my first FWB in 8 years tonight, but probably not. Or maybe I'll just pick up any lady who gives me that look, can't be picky with the first. The first should inspire me to find my second lol!

Oh well, at least my mates will be glad I'm coming out of my hole and embracing the joys of singledom after being stuck with a woman for the last 7 years, especially the 4 yrs of marriage. Oh well, night out is a night out, though personally I feel like hitting the poker clubs, but majority rules with mates.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I had a FWB a couple of years ago, was a great time in my life. It has nothing to do with low self esteem and there does not have to be a "weaker" person in the equation.

As long as the adults involved are open and honest then it can work really well. We had our sport in common so would cycle and then do the deed. Afterwards he would cook me dinner and then I would head off, never stayed over.
We did not love each other but really got along well, we were honest from the first date and knew that neither wanted a relationship. We knew we were not exclusive and if the other said they were busy then that was it, no questions asked.

As soon as my partner and I became exclusive I never saw FWB again.

As long as you are the type of person that is emotionally stable and understands and can live within boundaries then it is a great option. 

RD I tend to think that many women post divorce are very open to FWB, just make it clear you have nothing else to offer and don't lead them on to think there may be more in the future.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks, and nah as I mentioned I'm not the type to lead them on. If I was, I wouldn't be looking at FWB arrangements. I prefer to be straight up and honest with women, less complications and I won't feel like a jerk

We'll see tonight though, have my shirt all washed, jeans ironed, hair cut, and cologne, all clean with protection prepped and ready to go  lol
And then we'll probably go to some pub with no ladies there -.-

Or it may be filled with gay guys instead =/ Bah! Then again, they always know a TON of women haha

Already screwed up with the girls they threw at me though there was one I was actually nice to who I might try for a FWB arrangement next week. I still have my daughter to pick up tomorrow though so I won't be able to drink too much, probably a good thing!!!


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I hear from women who do both , that is, a profile for a longterm relationship and one for something quick, that the guys who answer the first ad are 6 and 7s; and the guys who answer the second are 10s.


Yeah that seems to be the way it is..........


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, got numbers... looks like I'm in for it now next week

Why am I having 2nd thoughts all of a sudden? Is it because I haven't done this in such a long time? Feels weird...


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

That's me... whispering in your ear. LOL


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LOL! Well you know I can't really back out now, not for the dates at least. Was interesting though, I think one may not return my call, she remarked "how many numbers are you going to get", after watching me flirt around >.<

Think she's a keeper that one, actually might avoid her entirely.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Well, I didn't want to spoil your fun... but it's actually MORE work to pick a good FWB than it is to just go on an old fashioned date or two and be yourself.

Enjoy!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah but an old fashioned date will result in wrong expectations, and I don't want to lead them on with my intentions. It's more work, but it's ethical, and I'd rather be ethical about this


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> LOL! Well you know I can't really back out now, not for the dates at least. Was interesting though, I think one may not return my call, she remarked "how many numbers are you going to get", after watching me flirt around >.<
> 
> Think she's a keeper that one, actually might avoid her entirely.


:rofl:


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

As long as you hope to keep your FWBs discrete, I would advise you strongly not friend any of them on FB or any other community. As I mentioned elsewhere, I got the idea that my fiance was still seeing his "friend" due to the likes she gave to his actitivites he mentioned on his wall...... and I was right.

My fiance is a music buff and goes to see indie bands in small venues. I do believe that he can go to these concerts alone. But I noticed that there were times when he mentioned seeing a band without me that she would do her "like" as well. Then on one occassion he decided to mention 3 concerts in one entry, one which I accompanied him. She did her "like" again. I later learned that he went to another concert 2 weeks later with her and never mentioned that concert on his wall. That kind of says to me, he knew what it looked like.

Some of these women will tell you that they are happy with an FWB and then after they've done some time with you, will start asking for more. You definitely don't want them to have an outlet to start letting your friends know about this activity. Not to mention, some people may look at FaceBook friending as an indication that always was something more than an FWB.

I remember in my 20s thinking that all was understood with an FWB. He apparently got mad that I wouldn't make plans with him on Saturday night.....and just as I was leaving my place with 2 friends from high school, he shows up.

At the time, I couldn't understand what the problem was. He was getting NSA sex, but I think for some people, needing to be able to call the shots in a relationship is more important than anything.

Good luck, RD, tell us how it goes.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aye, I agree! Especially with immigrant girls, for Asians for instance alot of the fear comes from traditional upbringing and what their friends let alone family would say/think of them if anyone ever found out. The discretion also worked to my benefit in the past when they asked me to take them out shopping or to help with this or that in public, I invoked our rules of discretion, which helps remind them that not only am I serious about keeping things between us, but that there's no way a relationship can form so they know not to invest themselves emotionally.

For middle eastern girls too though I only had one experience, I personally might avoid them entirely unless I'm convinced they've been here long enough or they were born here as the one I had in the past was quite furious eventually about my refusal to invest and lack of interest in her either than sex and ultimately had her family hunt me down! Not fun! She was a beauty though that one, pity!

But if I was to be in a relationship with someone, all FWBs are off, isn't it cheating by exclusively dating someone while having NSA sex with someone else? I reckon it is, but thankfully I'm not capable of being in a relationship anymore, at least not in my current state of guilt/grief/anger at wasting 7 years of my life and putting up with 4 yrs of marriage.

Thanks though, I'll let you know how it goes next week, I can only do it during the week as my weekends are reserved entirely for my daughter. Besides she might act up or be confused over me bringing women home instead of mum who she still loves very much.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Honestly RD sometimes you say stuff that makes it sound like you have no life education yet you are a successful, intelligent man. 

YES it is cheating if you have any FWB's while exclusively dating someone.

NEVER take any of these women to meet your daughter, never. And even when you are in an exclusive relationship wait till it has been a good 12 months and you are sure it is a solid relationship before having them meet your daughter. 

Don't let drama into your life, a FWB must be a stable person that can live within the rules of the situation. No shopping together, maybe the odd pizza together, no family introductions, no nothing but some light hearted friendship and good sex. 
Don't be going for the first good looking but crazy women.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Stay away from the crazy...


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I don't understand what Craigslist has to do with "Friends With Benefits".


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> I don't understand what Craigslist has to do with "Friends With Benefits".


It's probably not a bad place to find one.
They got everything on Craigslist.

I got a Ferret there!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Holland said:


> Honestly RD sometimes you say stuff that makes it sound like you have no life education yet you are a successful, intelligent man.


Errr, is that a compliment?

Well, I already admitted I never grew up normally, didn't do high school, was too busy trying to survive during my teens heh

But thanks 



> YES it is cheating if you have any FWB's while exclusively dating someone.
> 
> NEVER take any of these women to meet your daughter, never. And even when you are in an exclusive relationship wait till it has been a good 12 months and you are sure it is a solid relationship before having them meet your daughter.


Well FWBs aside, a good 12 months for a woman in a relationship before she should be allowed to meet my daughter? =O
Not that I'm interested in relationships but, that's a long time! lol



> Don't let drama into your life, a FWB must be a stable person that can live within the rules of the situation. No shopping together, maybe the odd pizza together, no family introductions, no nothing but some light hearted friendship and good sex.
> Don't be going for the first good looking but crazy women.


Yeah, a crazy woman (my ex before I met my STBXW) actually forced me out of FWBs in the past, about 8 yrs ago now. Don't worry, I'll be careful 

I think I've learnt enough hard lessons in my youth, collared by a psychopath, attacked by a Lebanese woman's family after it was obvious I was only interested in sex and married a nymphomaniac... I say I've actually been quite stupid during my life! Not intelligent! lol



> I don't understand what Craigslist has to do with "Friends With Benefits".


I just thought the numbers were hilarious and I had to show people lol


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Errr,* is that a compliment?*
> 
> Well, I already admitted I never grew up normally, didn't do high school, was too busy trying to survive during my teens heh
> 
> ...


LOL it was a backhander RD. 

The 12 month thing is what is generally the time frame recommended by professionals when it comes to introducing new partners. Mind you SO and I did it just before that mark but we were well prepared and had planned it out for a good month or so prior.

I get it that you are streetwise when it comes to this stuff, just keep your wits about you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh, thanks, and I will - keep my wits about me that is 

Would be funny though if I go through all these numbers next week and none of them were FWB material! I would be pretty annoyed if that happens heh, oh well I got plenty of time, nothing has to happen in just a few days.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Holland said:


> I had a FWB a couple of years ago, was a great time in my life. It has nothing to do with low self esteem and there does not have to be a "weaker" person in the equation.
> 
> As long as the adults involved are open and honest then it can work really well. We had our sport in common so would cycle and then do the deed. Afterwards he would cook me dinner and then I would head off, never stayed over.
> We did not love each other but really got along well, we were honest from the first date and knew that neither wanted a relationship. We knew we were not exclusive and if the other said they were busy then that was it, no questions asked.
> ...


:iagree: Years ago I had an FWB with a friend. It worked out great. We had awesome sex, supported each other and it was a lot of fun. Then he started getting serious with this girl and told me he had to end it and we went back to being friends and I went on to date my husband (now ex husband). Worst part was that I chose unwisely by going to the ex husband but that's another story. 

I'd LOVE to have an FWB relationship now. I have NO desire to get into a committed relationship with all the crap and problems it brings. I love being single and living on my own and I want my future to be free as well. That said, I'd love a male friend that I feel hot for! Someone to spend some quality time with as *friend* and then have amazing sex with afterwards! Someone who lusts after me and I lust after them.

I definitely do not want an ONS. That is definitely NOT me, but to be with someone who I feel a connection to and am hot for. Wow! :smthumbup: That would be so awesome! 

But the rules have to be followed with an FWB. You can't fall in love. You can love the other person as a friend and lust after them but if one or the other meets someone else then you have to be cool about and be prepared for the FWB relationship to end at any time. 

If they are spending time with someone else, either as a date or friend then you have to be cool. If one or the other wants to go do their own thing, then it's got to be OK. No b!tching or nagging if one or the other wants to go hang out someone else, go fishing or get their hair done. It's a noncommittal type of thing that's supposed to be between friends. It can't resemble the kind of things that a relationship consists or demands. That's the beauty of it. 

It's a tricky situation, especially for a woman, because women often fall into that "relationship state of mind" and begin looking at the guy in "that way." That's def not cool and against the rules of a FWB situation. 

But if you can pull it off and are looking for some good times and hot sex then it's awesome. It's not an easy thing to find though because you need that connection as "friends" first and also the sexual attraction. 

My ex asked me if I wanted a FWB situation the day we divorced. I said "no". First, I know that I could never put him in that category. It would be way too easy to fall into that black pit that I occupied with him for 23 years and having climbed out of there it's the last place I want to go! But most of it is that he's just not that good in bed. :rofl: 

He seemed a bit insulted at my turning him down so fast. Oh well. Maybe he should've been more interested in that sort of thing when we were married.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aye, it's a pretty awesome thing when it works 

Its unfortunate that hollywood capitalised on this yet added unfavourable twists; when the FWBs fell in love and sh-t. Rather sad, they should be more realistic, more focused on what makes FWBs work, and have a happy FWB endings, not romantic endings. Gives people the wrong impression about these arrangements!

Then again, what's new with hollywood...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Actually this also reminds me of one FWB I had in the past, who I met through one of my mates. The ironic thing was that he was looking everywhere for her late at night (he tries to be big brother) not knowing that she ended up at my place! lol

Well, he found out -.- He agreed to keep it under wraps as her reputation amongst her community would be at stake if everyone found out she was being sexual without love - old fashioned stigma. He also went on with his speeches how I was using her, trying to play big brother again, and that he lost respect for me and what not.

Well, over time, my friend gained a ton of confidence, her walk changed, her posture changed, she became quite happy with her time with me and we parted ways without dramas and on a good note. She wasn't insecure in a sense about her body and loved sex yet did not feel she was ready for anything serious, however her culture kept her pretty much in a prison. Guess I was her liberation lol 

My mate apologised at being wrong about the whole thing much later, but he turned out to be a dog c--t in the end, funny how people are still ignorant about the benefits of FWB arrangements and that it's actually a very honest and moral arrangement without games or BS. So not just hollywood, but it seems this is the general consensus.

Oh well, next week I hope one of those girls is FWB material, or two! Would save me having to go find a new batch of numbers next week, though it's quite fun lol


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Well, over time, my friend gained a ton of confidence, her walk changed, her posture changed, she became quite happy with her time with me and we parted ways without dramas and on a good note. She wasn't insecure in a sense about her body and loved sex yet did not feel she was ready for anything serious, however her culture kept her pretty much in a prison. Guess I was her liberation lol


That's the thing I look at. My ex husband really did a number on me with regards to sex. He made me feel rejected, unwanted and even ugly. I would love to be with someone who just lusts after me as a woman and is my buddy. It would be a blast! It would also help put me in a good frame of mind. :smthumbup:

Plus it gets old always satisfying your own needs by yourself. It would be nice to have someone to have fun and enjoy being with in "that way".


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Looks like it's official, FWBs is the way to go!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Looks like it's official, FWBs is the way to go!


Yeah, now I just have to find a friend I can have benefits with!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ok guys, a bit of an update... to be honest I'm not so sure of this for some reason. It just feels weird, like hell there's nothing wrong with these girls, and so far they seem quite decent and down to earth, only one of them I would prefer to remain as friends, and I've already abandoned the other potential keeper too.

I haven't established anything yet and everything is just casual so far, but if I want sex I'll have to work fast but at the same time I am having second thoughts.

I somehow feel as if I'm still with my STBX wife, and that I'm like cheating on her. It's messed up, I don't know. I saw her again this morning picking up my daughter, I have no longer any sexual interest in her due to what we've been through. Yet for some reason I can't channel my mind away from her when I'm with other women.

Is it due to my discipline over the last 4 years in regards to my loyalty to my wife? Should I just push forward and hurry up and bed these girls before they themselves change their mind? I don't know...

=/


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Was browsing and saw this in classifieds, can't say that I'm surprised but:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


There's more Women seeking Women than Women seeking Men on that list :rofl:


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Ok guys, a bit of an update... to be honest I'm not so sure of this for some reason. It just feels weird, like hell there's nothing wrong with these girls, and so far they seem quite decent and down to earth, only one of them I would prefer to remain as friends, and I've already abandoned the other potential keeper too.
> 
> I haven't established anything yet and everything is just casual so far, but if I want sex I'll have to work fast but at the same time I am having second thoughts.
> 
> ...


You wont like my answer 
Maybe you aren't capable of non-emotional sex at the moment. Feels like cheating because you have emotions for your wife still. And you have connected emotion to sex. 
Even though you don't want to have sex with your ex.

I'm in the same situation. I'm not interested in non-emotional sex at the moment. I have this respect thing going on in my head. I respect myself too much to "use" someone or let myself be "used". I have a problem with treating someone else like that, and I feel I deserve more than just sex. I want it ALL.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

To me, FWB is indeed being a true FRIEND. You have a relationship there but it's not an exclusive, committed relationship that you are planning to build a future around, be it a long term relationship or with an eye towards marriage, etc. 

You are FRIENDS and enjoy each other's company and also have a physical component as well. You also have the ability to walk away from each other and give one another the personal space they want or need and when the time comes that either of you wants to end the physical part you then have the ability to stay friends. 

This is difficult to achieve because often one person becomes too emotionally involved and the balance of the FWB becomes upset, feelings get hurt and grow into anger, etc and the friendship itself is lost. That's usually what happens. 

But if you achieve a true FWB it works quite well. I had that at one time and it went just the way I described. We were friends for years before, then my long term relationship ended. We got together and had great sex for awhile, then he got involved with a woman romantically and told me he needed to break off our sex life. Us going out together romantically was never an option, we just weren't compatible like that. 

So we went back to being friends and have been friends for over 24 years since. I started dating my future husband about 8 months afterwards. 

The ironic thing is that 24 years later I'm now divorced and his marriage is pretty much sexless. He told me his wife and him haven't had sex since last year. He definitely hinted that he'd love another FWB with me. I told him that I was open to the idea if he decided to end his marriage at some point but while he's married it's adultery and I don't go there. I could never sleep with a married man, especially if I knew his wife well. 

I'm not impressed with how is wife is treating him but that's HIS problem and something they need to work out .He told me he wouldn't leave his wife because of their daughter and I respect that. What he's going to do with someone else is his business but I won't engage. 

He said "That's cool, no problem, I respect that." So now it's like this conversation never happened and we're still buds. Oh well, too bad. I would've had a lot of fun with him in bed but thems the breaks. 

A good FWB is really hard to find. It's a great thing if you do get it though if you are like me and are over your marriage but don't want the trappings of a committed relationship but yearn from some good times with a friend and some sex thrown in.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, it's Friday night, I'm off to pick up some more numbers, and hopefully find some more potentials. Horny tonight as well which is good, it actually helps when I think with my groin and not my head when I'm picking up! I think less, score more!

@Deejov

Perhaps, but if it is lingering feeling, might as well kill it by doing the deed. Only one way to find out!

@Freak
Wow, a friend like that? Personally I've always kept the encounters focused on just sex itself and nothing else; no hanging out, no shopping, no time together either than playing with each other from time to time. Guess you got lucky  It's tough to find though, I agree


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> @Freak
> Wow, a friend like that? Personally I've always kept the encounters focused on just sex itself and nothing else; no hanging out, no shopping, no time together either than playing with each other from time to time. Guess you got lucky  It's tough to find though, I agree


It is. A true FWB is indeed a FRIENDSHIP with sex thrown in. We often did stuff like go out for dinner, drinks, or just hang out and talk then have end it with some fun activities. But we didn't have to answer to one another. We were "friends".

Do you give your friend a hard time if they say they are busy doing something else? No. Do you ask where they are going if they say that they are going away someplace for the weekend? No. Do you care if they are dating or seeing someone else? No. That's the beauty of it, there's none of the ties of a committed relationship. :smthumbup:

It's VERY hard to achieve because it either someone gets emotionally involved and it turns bad or it's basically just booty calls, which is just a casual sex relationship and no real "friendship" there. 

I had some amazing sex with this guy. Funny thing is, 24 years later the friendship and attraction is still there but unfortunately there's his marriage too so it's a "no go". I don't play the adultery game. I have to live with myself and have standards. Being the "other woman" doesn't jive with that. 

I'd love to get a FWB with a single guy. I was hoping I could achieve this with my ex husband when we initially separated back in December, 2010 but there was too much emotional baggage. Funny thing is HE suggested that we be FWBs on the day of our divorce. :rofl:It's funny because he was never much interested in sex when we were married, except for a very brief time. :rofl:

I turned him down flat. Felt good to do so considering how many times he told me "no" over the years.


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