# Mistress



## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

I have spent the last 6 years in a Mistress roll. I really enjoy being the other women. Just lately my family have started to say what a waste of time my life is , I have explained to them that I enjoy my life. Am I wrong for being in this situation ? I have always been the other women since my divorce. 

D


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Yes. I believe it's wrong. Does the other woman know about you? If not she is forced to participate in a dynamic she knows nothing about, that impacts her greatly and she has no choice in it.

Secondly you are second choice, not first. Who would want that?


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

No, she does not know about me. I know I am not first choice, I really can't explain why I am happy to be 2nd choice... This is my problem, why am I happy to be in this situation ? 

I have know Idea about her, he never really talks about her, all I know is her name.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Are you serious? Or are you a troll? Seems like you are looking to stir up something. This is a forum for COPING WITH INFIDELITY. You are coming here looking for sympathy for being the bad guy? 

You need to seek a counselor if you feel that you seek out to destroy marriages. Maybe put that energy towards something more positive. You lack empathy, and thrive on the pain you cause others. You like it because it's exciting. Your family is right to tell you that you aren't doing anything worthwhile with your life.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

I am not a troll, just muddled up I guess. I do not want to destroy his marriage, that is no aim of mine. We just enjoy each others company..


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

Just imagine what his wife will feel or do once she finds out about you..if there are children involved imagine how they will feel when they find out. You know it's just a matter of time before your affair is discovered.
My husband had an emotional affair..and believe me when I tell you it was heart wrenching to say the least. We separated for awhile because of this. My two (adult) children didn't talk to him for a long time. They were just as devastated as i was.
I don't know why you're happy either.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'd guess you're probably happy because you get the benefits of a relationship without the day-to-day headaches. I say this without knowing any of your details, of course. But it's the same reason why affairs are such an attraction for everyone.

You get the physical love, the dating, the attention... But you don't have to put up with him when he's sick, or deal with his financial issues, or do his laundry when you've been working all day... What's not to like? You get to keep your house the way you like, and don't have to negotiate or compromise. 

The drawback of course is that you'll never fully have him. Eventually, you'll grow old alone. You won't have anyone to take care of you if you're sick, or having a really crappy week. His family will likely take priority when you want to do something and he's got family obligation. You won't have the benefits financially of a joint relationship, being able to fund a retirement together. I'd say these are the reasons your family says you're wasting your life. You may be happy now, but what does the future hold? Are you moving forward to any kind of future relationship, or just treading water? 

C


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

U guys are overanalyzing this. She isn't trying to convince us she's happy with her situation... she's trying to convince herself! Or else why come here? She knows full well her role in this and how it can turn up b adly for her. Mistrisses are a lot of things, but they are not fools. They know they have a slim chance of making it to the #1 spot, even though she says she's glad she's #2, i don't believe that.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

My guess is that you have extremely low self esteem. You feel like a man is choosing you over his wife. It makes you feel good to know you can "take" another man.

Figure out where your self esteem issues started and get to work. You don't need to be better than someone else to be worthy of love. Eventually you'll respect yourself and see this man as the weak person he is. 

Hopefully then you'll have the guts to tell his wife. She doesn't deserve this no matter what he tells you she's done.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> My guess is that you have extremely low self esteem. You feel like a man is choosing you over his wife. It makes you feel good to know you can "take" another man.
> 
> Figure out where your self esteem issues started and get to work. You don't need to be better than someone else to be worthy of love. Eventually you'll respect yourself and see this man as the weak person he is.
> 
> Hopefully then you'll have the guts to tell his wife. She doesn't deserve this no matter what he tells you she's done.


I could never tell his wife ! His wife does not have a clue that I exist. I don't think she would even suspect he was seeing anyone.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

How would you feel if you were really just a 3rd? I bet you wouldn't feel as good. If he is willing to have a relationship with you even though he is married whats to say he isn't having a relationship with other women?

You need to stop this behavior, if not for him and his family at least do it for yourself so that you can live a real life and not a false sense of reality. 

Find your own love, one you don't have to share, because it may feel good to do what you do, but I promise you nothing can feel better than loving someone with all your heart and knowing that they love you with all of theirs.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Digby said:


> No, she does not know about me. know


Somehow I doubt that. A wife knows! It's hard not to see what is going on when your spouse is cheating. It's just that the wife doesn't want to rock the boat and risk losing her family. I've been there. Do this poor woman a favor, and walk away from her husband. He has cheated on his wife; he will surely cheat on you too.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

It's wrong hands down, you deserve better than that....enough said.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

827Aug said:


> Somehow I doubt that. A wife knows! It's hard not to see what is going on when your spouse is cheating. It's just that the wife doesn't want to rock the boat and risk losing her family. I've been there. Do this poor woman a favor, and walk away from her husband. He has cheated on his wife; he will surely cheat on you too.


And how! She knows..trust me. And he WILL cheat on you as well.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Please leave this man. She knows in her gut. He may very well have the wool pulled over her eyes, as my wife had the wool pulled over mine. This site helps those who are on the other end, his wife's shoes. That is where I am, as well as many on this site. Many others have been there. We are all, I believe, trying our best to save our marriages from the effects of what you are involved in. The pain is, at times, unbearable. 

Even if she doesn't have a clue, you are stealing time, energy, and emotion that he should be spending on his wife. A person can only do so much. His marriage might suck. He could work on that. If he put the energy into that instead of spending it on you, his marriage may become better.

How about you tell his wife and refer her to this site so these folks can help her through this extremely difficult situation. I don't think you realize the pain that you are causing.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Digby said:


> I could never tell his wife ! His wife does not have a clue that I exist. I don't think she would even suspect he was seeing anyone.


That's what you think at the moment and you're in need of help. If you find the will to attempt to heal yourself you may end up seeing things differently. How can you possibly respect her if you can't respect yourself? Once you realize that your boyfriend is putting his wife in jeopardy, I think you'll see them both in a different light.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

Thing is it is all my fault! he had never cheated ! I chased him like a dog, do I feel guilty ? I don't know what I feel really. Sorry I am really having a bummer of a day.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

Digby said:


> Thing is it is all my fault! he had never cheated ! I chased him like a dog, do I feel guilty ? I don't know what I feel really. Sorry I am really having a bummer of a day.


It takes two to tango...it's only half your fault. He's married and he should have known better. If he no longer wanted to be married, then he should have said so, instead of sneaking around behind her back.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Digby said:


> Thing is it is all my fault! he had never cheated ! I chased him like a dog, do I feel guilty ? I don't know what I feel really. Sorry I am really having a bummer of a day.



It's just as much his fault, more-so even. 

At the beginning of my relationship with my husband his best friend hit on me numerous times. He used every tactic he could from sweet lines about love to offering to "teach" me sexual things that my H would like. He couldn't make me do a goddamn thing. 

*You* cannot _make_ a man do anything.

He tells you he's never cheated, but you have no idea if that's the truth. He lies to the woman he married. Do you really think he's going to be 100% truthful to you? You're not the most important woman in his life. Assume whatever he does to her, he's willing to do worse to you.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

What is your situation with this guy? Where did you meet? How do you guys go about things? Give us more in depth info on everything. You apparently came here for help and there are a lot of people here that can give you great advice.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

HappyAtLast said:


> It takes two to tango...it's only half your fault. He's married and he should have known better. If he no longer wanted to be married, then he should have said so, instead of sneaking around behind her back.


Exactly right. There'd be no trollops if there were no men cavorting with them.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

I can assure you I am no trollop ! we met through a same interest situation, one that his wife has no interest. It was not love at first sight, just lust I guess. I invited him to mine for diner one evening and nothing happened just food and chat, it did not happen till months later. Yes in some aspect I do feel guilty.


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

I actually have a lot of respect for this "trollops" balls!

She's come on here bragging about being the other woman, but my guess is she's still suffering from screwing her own marriage up, one way or another. Of course I expect you to deny this but I don't think you'd be here otherwise.

You 'could' get a lot of help from this site, but you have to be truthful to yourself aswell as us.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

HungUp said:


> I actually have a lot of respect for this "trollops" balls!
> 
> She's come on here bragging about being the other woman, but my guess is she's still suffering from screwing her own marriage up, one way or another. Of course I expect you to deny this but I don't think you'd be here otherwise.
> 
> You 'could' get a lot of help from this site, but you have to be truthful to yourself aswell as us.


I have been divorced for 10years + My ex is on marriage 3 . I only married the once, and may never again.


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

Digby said:


> I have spent the last 6 years in a Mistress roll. I really enjoy being the other women. Just lately my family have started to say what a waste of time my life is , I have explained to them that I enjoy my life. Am I wrong for being in this situation ? I have always been the other women since my divorce.
> 
> D


Hey I'm over 6 years and stull struggling, so I guess I can easily believe you are still suffering at 10+. Pardon me if I'm wrong but your ex being on marriage 3 could hint that you may have suffered like some of us?

Or, just look at what you write in your opening post - "Am I wrong for being in this situation ?". Can you please TRY telling us if you see anything wrong with this question?


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

HungUp said:


> Hey I'm over 6 years and stull struggling, so I guess I can easily believe you are still suffering at 10+. Pardon me if I'm wrong but your ex being on marriage 3 could hint that you may have suffered like some of us?
> 
> Or, just look at what you write in your opening post - "Am I wrong for being in this situation ?". Can you please TRY telling us if you see anything wrong with this question?


I do feel wrong! yes! But I care and love him. So explain that ? feelings.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's just a turn of phrase.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> It's just a turn of phrase.


Maybe, but we make each other smile. And happy in my world is good.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

Digby said:


> Maybe, but we make each other smile. And happy in my world is good.


But for how long? And when his wife finds out about the affair, will her world be good? And will she be smiling? Highly doubtful.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Not biting Digby.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I will say I know a woman casually who's really only happy when she's cheating on whomever she's with. And when that one leaves or gets kicked to the curb she starts seeing someone else in addition to the last other man. She's no longer married so technically it's just two-timing. Maybe some girls just want to be bad.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I will say I know a woman casually who's really only happy when she's cheating on whomever she's with. And when that one leaves or gets kicked to the curb she starts seeing someone else in addition to the last other man. She's no longer married so technically it's just two-timing. Maybe some girls just want to be bad.


Maybe, But I don't want to be bad or tart type. Oh god why is life so complex and hard to explain, let alone walk through?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I can appreciate the no hope for something more side of it.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

Not the greatest thought really ! Ok Judge me , are you calling me a bad women? **** ? I am human like you, we discover love all the time, do we not? internet has flagged that up for sure!


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

Digby said:


> Thing is it is all my fault! he had never cheated ! I chased him like a dog, do I feel guilty ? I don't know what I feel really. Sorry I am really having a bummer of a day.


"he had never cheated" "I chased him like a dog"

Do 'you' think you are a bad woman?

Yes you are human, and I am sorry for your confusion. If you love 'him', and not just love the fact you're in control and can screw other people's lives up then you really only have two thing you 'should' do:

1. (Most likely) Ask him to give his wife some respect and leave her. I can assure you this will devastate her (if she doesn't already know), but it may be better than having a cheating spouse. This also could confirm if he respects you, or really thinks you're a tart, and is just screwing you WITHOUT any return love.

2. You end it with him and allow him to potentially see whether he does actually love his wife without you clouding his judgement. You may be surprised.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

HungUp said:


> "he had never cheated" "I chased him like a dog"
> 
> Do 'you' think you are a bad woman?
> 
> ...


I like point 2! I will try this and get back some time soon. Thank's for all the input, and it has been taken. D


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

first line, the poster says the wife knows... 2 posts later says she could never tell the wife...


Troll, or Phsycopath... which is it?

/end thread.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

twotimeloser said:


> first line, the poster says the wife knows... 2 posts later says she could never tell the wife...
> 
> 
> Troll, or Phsycopath... which is it?
> ...


I didn't read that at all. The first post says her family knows, but not the wife doesn't it?


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> first line, the poster says the wife knows... 2 posts later says she could never tell the wife...
> 
> 
> Troll, or Phsycopath... which is it?
> ...


errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr read the wife does not know!! keep up!


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

DawnD said:


> I didn't read that at all. The first post says her family knows, but not the wife doesn't it?


Correct , thank god someone can read  D


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Digby -- I do think you should take Hung Up's advice to heart and try one of the options. Sometime ago I heard a nice phrase that went something like "you can't build a happy life by causing others pain" and I truly believe it.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

HappyAtLast said:


> But for how long? And when his wife finds out about the affair, will her world be good? And will she be smiling? Highly doubtful.


She is in a wheelchair


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Digby said:


> She is in a wheelchair


She's not emotionally handicapped. Don't feel sorry for the woman, she deserves as much respect as anyone else you know.


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## Digby (Mar 2, 2011)

ok, so do his needs !


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Digby said:


> ok, so do his needs !


Because of what HE is telling you though. Not because you know them both and have seen it for yourself. You only have what information HE gives you, and I can tell you that it more than likely isn't the actual truth. 

Even with his needs not being met, there is counseling, divoce, etc, etc that he could travel down, but he hasn't.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Digby said:


> She is in a wheelchair


Nice touch.

Prolly shoulda said blind, pregnant, dying of cancer in a wheelchair. I also suggest you say your actually her foster child?, or perhaps her sister?

just saying, bigger bait catches bigger fish.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Being in a wheel chair doesn't make her any less of a person. She has feelings and emotions too. If her husband wasn't happy he could divorce her. Having affairs hurts many innocent people. How would you feel if roles were reversed and you were his wife? 

You came here looking for advice. Obviously something must be bothering you. Wouldn't you be happier in life, if you were some man's "one and only"? It must get old being second place. I think several posters have given wise advice which is worthy of consideration.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Troll with 4 and counting pages of Blah-Blah-Blah! End it AC,TP


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Nice touch.
> 
> Prolly shoulda said blind, pregnant, dying of cancer in a wheelchair. I also suggest you say your actually her foster child?, or perhaps her sister?
> 
> just saying, bigger bait catches bigger fish.


LOL

You know, it is kind of funny though... because you always think that those people on Jerry Springer are fake, until you meet one. LOL

Wheelchair... come on.... LOL


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

Your family care about you otherwise they wouldn't bother pointing out that you need to find a man of your own instead of sharing another woman's man. You see, you have already set your own standards because you have decided that you are a person not worthy of finding someone on your own, that you are a homewrecker dressed up as something sweet but hard like a sugar coated almond. To be the other person, you have to be as equally cunning and deceitful as your affair partner to cover up your clandestine trysts.

Your family have been very kind to you by not pointing out that it is usually losers and people with no ethics or morals who are utterly dishonest and selfish that can only see fun for themselves in an affair regardless of whom they hurt. 

You may enjoy all the entertainment even although he may be spending family money meant for his family on you. He may even be stealing from the family to fund another home or lifestyle for you. 

You could be successful in luring him away from his wife or happy to share him for years, maybe 50years. Yes, it happens! 

You could become pregnant and be ditched, dumped or hidden away. You may end up sad and lonely because you become his call upon puppet for years because he sees you as second best; you fall hopelessly in love with him and you then realise what it is like to be at the behest of a man with low moral fiber. 

In an affair it isn't a case of opposites attract, in fact, you have something in common, you are both cheaters and cheaters are plausible, skillful people involved in destroying others lives. 

Whatever your age, your family are trying to save you from anguish now and in the future. 

As more and more people talk about the devastating, harmful effects of infidelity and the upheaval it causes to the betrayed spouse and wider family, soon you may find that not only do you have to contend with self inflicted harm but, you may also find an aggrieved spouse who may wish to sue you for the harm you have knowingly inflicted upon her family. 

What you are doing is wilful, intentional harm even if you can't see it. If you value yourself, ditch him before he dumps you and find a man who wants to devote 100% of himself to you, not 10%.15% or 20% to you.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

Digby said:


> I am not a troll, just muddled up I guess. I do not want to destroy his marriage, that is no aim of mine. We just enjoy each others company..


That is exactly what you are doing. When she finds out about you, she will never be the same, she will never see her relationship with her ( I repeat HER) husband the same. It will never be special again. Her heart will break, she will cry almost everyday, possibly for years to come. You are being extremely selfish. You have no right to do that to another person. If you are worth anything to your fellow human beings, tell that man to go home to his wife and work out what ever problem he thinks he,s having with her, and never, never see him again!. You have done enough harm!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

oaksthorne said:


> That is exactly what you are doing. When she finds out about you, she will never be the same, she will never see her relationship with her ( I repeat HER) husband the same. It will never be special again. Her heart will break, she will cry almost everyday, possibly for years to come. You are being extremely selfish. You have no right to do that to another person. If you are worth anything to your fellow human beings, tell that man to go home to his wife and work out what ever problem he thinks he,s having with her, and never, never see him again!. You have done enough harm!


Do you honestly think that a woman who goes in to an affair with a married man cares about his wife and kids? :scratchhead: 
The common trait is sociopath for both the cheater and the mistress.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Do you honestly think that a woman who goes in to an affair with a married man cares about his wife and kids? :scratchhead:
> The common trait is sociopath for both the cheater and the mistress.


No I honestly do not, This piece of work is just looking for support from others of her kind.Not all cheaters are sociopaths Sometimes its a middle aged man with doubts, and some trollop running after him and pumps up his self esteem. Before he knows it he's in over his head. Seldom is he aware of the pain he will cause his wife and the damage he is doing. It is so very sad that the one who is usually hurt the most is the faithful spouse.


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

looks like she was chased off.


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