# advice please



## emz holder (Oct 18, 2015)

Hi my name is emma.I would advice on how I can become strong or is it a end of marrage that I though it would last a life time.. please have the time to read. 

I have been married to my husband for 6 yrs . At the start it was a amazing like all marrages. I have 2 boys ages 3 and 4 at the time of marrage . There not my husbands children I left the boys dad very early Jue to domist abuse. I was 23 when I left there dad... I Brough my boys up working and but them first. Then I met my husband Ben I did not want anyone but my boys . But Ben showed me the light on a good relationship that's why I married him. Since we have been together things have been amazing. We had a son togeather Wel This last yr has been hard. I'm not getting the efection I need I fill pushed out not loved I fill not wanted . I look in his eyes and I can tell he's loosing his feelings for me. I feel inscure I feel needy I fill lost upset not wanted . I always tell him I love him every day I cuddle him kiss him send him a quick love you text . I get nothing back. Hes always working all the time . I work days and evenings till 12.00 but I'm told by husband he's drained he needs rest. I need rest I work 30hrs a week 3 kids house work he does not treat me or take me out ever. I could go on. This week has been the hardiest I try and talk to him and I get nothing in return at this point I am upset and crying in front of him. I don't even get a cuddle. Or a everything will be OK I love you.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

emz holder said:


> Hi my name is emma.I would advice on how I can become strong or is it a end of marrage that I though it would last a life time.. please have the time to read.
> 
> I have been married to my husband for 6 yrs . At the start it was a amazing like all marrages. I have 2 boys ages 3 and 4 at the time of marrage . There not my husbands children I left the boys dad very early Jue to domist abuse. I was 23 when I left there dad... I Brough my boys up working and but them first. Then I met my husband Ben I did not want anyone but my boys . But Ben showed me the light on a good relationship that's why I married him. Since we have been together things have been amazing. We had a son togeather Wel This last yr has been hard. I'm not getting the efection I need I fill pushed out not loved I fill not wanted . I look in his eyes and I can tell he's loosing his feelings for me. I feel inscure I feel needy I fill lost upset not wanted . I always tell him I love him every day I cuddle him kiss him send him a quick love you text . I get nothing back. Hes always working all the time . I work days and evenings till 12.00 but I'm told by husband he's drained he needs rest. I need rest I work 30hrs a week 3 kids house work he does not treat me or take me out ever. I could go on. This week has been the hardiest I try and talk to him and I get nothing in return at this point I am upset and crying in front of him. I don't even get a cuddle. Or a everything will be OK I love you.


What have you done to see if someone else is involved?

What changes have their been in your marriage besides having a child?

Do either of you go out without the other?

Do you get baby sitters so the two of you can go out?

Do you have help from your families?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There's a chemical that goes through your body when you meet someone, called PEA chemicals. It's what makes people feel good when they're together. Makes them want to please each other. But it only stays in your body for a year or two, and then you're just left with whatever real feelings you had for each other. 

And THAT is when you have to start doing WORK to keep the marriage happy and fulfilling. There are a lot of things you could be doing differently to fix this marriage. Are you up for it? If so, we can help you.

And try to remember, life won't be any better out there for you with THREE kids to raise on your own.


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## emz holder (Oct 18, 2015)

Thank you for your comment. He got depression he gets it every yr. When he blows up with angry mood swings . He's pushing my oldist child out at the moment. He raised his voice and called he a bad name I'm not liking it. My children come first . I fill stuck in the middle. He says my child is recking the marrage. He a kids a good kids. He has no repect I all ways prase my children .I know if I thought about leaving him. It will be tough but he does not give a care in the word at the moment. don't know I'm a carm women sometimes I rase my voice. But even my boss who I have worked for for 5yrs now. Is asking me questions. Seeing if I'm OK


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Can you take the kids and go stay with a friend for a few days?

I think you need to think about leaving permanently if he is getting abusive.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that he is pushing your oldest boy out the door. How old is your oldest son?


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Sweetheart, if you have 3 young children and your husband is mistreating them (screaming, being physically abusive such as pushing out the door) due to his depression, you need to protect the kids first. Then worry about your marriage.

1. Protect the kids (even if it means moving out!).
2. Find a way for your husband to handle his depression (medication? therapy?)
3. When 1 and 2 are DONE, then work on the marriage.

You and your kids (and your husband, too - he just doesn't know it yet) deserve better than unhappy co-habitation.


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## emz holder (Oct 18, 2015)

My old is son is 10. My boys come first . All he does is but a downer on the house. Even when he comes home from work . Every thing kicks off. When I. Got them on my own . It's carm. He shows no love towards me or boys even his son. I'm going to book myself a parent course on my own and start a new life. It will be hard but in side I thinking im taking the right choice.


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## emz holder (Oct 18, 2015)

It's easer said than done bills house financial . I work 30hrs a week. I know I can do it. It's just the strength to heal myself and my boy's think you for your advice


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## Riptide (Nov 2, 2015)

Hi EMZ. I am sorry you are going through this. It is very hard when only one person is engaged in the marriage. He might need to see what life without you looks like and see if that initiates any change. Yes life can get busy working and trying to support a family but that is no excuse to ignore a wife that is asking for some affection. He seemingly takes you for granted and probably does not think you would ever leave. Walking out on a marriage is not something to be taken lightly or flippantly or is what I am recommending here but if all avenues of trying to better the marriage have been taken without any positive change, you might need to let him see what life "could" look like on his own. Hopefully it does not come to that because that is also a very hard thing to go through


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## emz holder (Oct 18, 2015)

Thank you for your positive eye open message. All I have done is be by his side. Support him throw this. This marrage seems to be 1 sided. Me putting in 100% in and nothing back. A month ago I found out he was watching porn. I was mad at him. But he's a man . Should he be doing this . My emotional side is num I fill no pain at the moment. I do fill like I have given up because he's not putting 100% his self. I really strongly think there is no one else in the picture. I fill like drifting away myself. I would say marrage councillor would this help may be thank you


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think wonderful things can happen in a marriage when a woman has the financial and emotional means to leave.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

emma, you just left one abusive man for another. Because you didn't bother to learn between men WHY you pick such men. 

Get your act together and plan to move out. If he wants you, he will do what you need to become a better husband and father. But he will never do it while you stay there and let him treat you and your kids this way.


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