# Husband wants to buy older home...



## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

We are happy newly-weds in our late 20s and we are not really having "problems," just a little bit of a bumpy ride right now. We are contemplating buying a house built in 1945. DH and I are excellent communicators and we both care very much about what each other thinks and feels on any given topic. He and I both understand our position about this house but we (or rather, I, am at an impasse). 

*Background*:
DH grew up poor with parents that didn't raise him right and didn't provide very well because they were drug addicts, but he persevered and became a stronger man because of it. He has lower standards of living than I do. He has lived in places that most would consider unfit for a human being to live in.

I, on the other hand, grew up well cared for by parents that were both good providers/caretakers. I always had a nice, clean house to live in and plenty of food to eat. I would call it middle class. DH calls me "prissy" and "spoiled." I have high standards for myself and everyone/everything in my life.

DH and I met on a dating site and I ended up moving across the country (down south) to be with him. We are happy with each other and love each other very much, and we share many things in common. I like southern people better than northern people, but have reservations about this area. This particular area is high-crime, lower-income and mostly ugly. People don't like to take care of their properties and keep them looking nice (manicured lawns etc are a rare sight and people like to delay badly needed paint and remodeling work). But it's where his business is, so he can't move. I don't particularly care for the area, but I like the people he keeps around, as they are good people and far more friendly than northerners.

*Current Situation/Dilemma:*
1945 wood frame no-slab shotgun house on 1.5 acres. Under 900 sq ft. 2 bed, 1 bath. Well water. Septic tank. Has electricity. Charming lot with plenty of trees/vegetation and it feels out in the country even though it's close to everything. Good location/area. No known potheads or druggies moving in. 

But the house is hard to look at because it's so ugly inside and out (in my opinion). We had an inspector look it over. No termite damage. One place has rotten wood; would need to replace that. Foundation is cinder blocks; floors are uneven. No crawl space under the house. Flooring is old and is curling up; would need to be replaced. Needs paint job. Ceiling is so low that it feels like a cave enclosing me; used to vaulted ceilings. Window frames are too ugly to look at because they are uneven and appear to be badly warping and also peeling. Windows are single pane; don't even know if they will open. Everything looks so old, worn, tired, breaking. One room (laundry room) has evidence that mold was there; has mold stains. We didn't view the attic yet; don't know if there is any rot or mold up there. House has no insulation; we will have to add that in. Feels dirty; would be very hesitant to cook in it. This place just bothers me so bad and feels so horrible. The uneven/warping floors and the warping window frames bother me the most, but the correction for either one of those problems would cost thousands and the house just isn't worth putting that much money into.

I've never in my entire life lived in a house that was this bad. I'm afraid that if we moved in, I would be so unhappy with the place even after doing some remodeling that I would always be making sure I was away from it and that I only slept in it. 

But the thing is, we can afford to pay cash for this house and we wouldn't have to worry about a mortgage or paying rent anymore (we are renters right now). And this house is the cheapest we have found in a good part of town. All the other places this cheap are in ghettos and we will not live in a ghetto.

DH currently pays all the bills. I help him with his business. Is it unreasonable for me to be willing to take the plunge into this old house that bothers me so much? He wants to live there for 5 years...I don't know if I could stand it...will have to face the possibility of hating where I live for 5 yrs...


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I just want to make this point first... He does not pay the bills, you both pay the bills. I may be old school, but I really think it is unhealthy to assume just because he is the primary bread winner that it is his money and you are going along for the ride. You both need to realize that all decisions, financial, children etc, need to be a shared decision. Not that he makes the money therefore he makes the financial decisions. So don't start out your marriage with this notion.

So, first nothing can replace moving into a bad or good neighborhood. You can do nothing to make a bad neighborhood better. This takes a collective energy from all neighbors to be involved. 

Buying cheap is Ok and certainly attractive, but don't assume that just because you are buying something that you can pay cash for it is something that you can afford. My wife and I bought a fixer-upper but in the long run it has cost us as much money as if we bought a turnkey home. Also, you have to ask, do you both have the time to keep up with the maintenance required by a home like this? It will consume you in time, energy and money. 

You can make a shack into a home if you look at its potential so don't be put off by how bad it looks now, but you will need to from day one save, save, save, save and work, work, work and work hard to make your shack into a home. There are plenty of things you could do yourself, but depending on city codes and what you are both comfortable doing, you may have to hire contractors that come at a steep price to deal with an old home. You may find that a number of contractors will not even want to work on this home and therefore you will need to find those contractors that specialize in this area of work. 

Even in our state the old plantation homes, only certain contractors will consider doing work based on the construction type and that it is harder to estimate the unknowns given its age. 

I would say take the price that is currently being offered and add about 50% of that onto any major structural problems and an additional 20% for all other updates and you will get a realistic price for what the house is really worth.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Unless your husband is a contractor, repairing that place will cost a fortune. No insulation, warped floors and window frames, single pane windows, mold - none of those things is cheap or easy to fix.

And it won't do a lot of good, either - if the foundation is on cinder blocks, you'll always get shifting as the ground moves, so a new floor and windows will get warped sooner or later.

There's a _reason _that place is so cheap to buy. Many reasons. So if he isn't a contractor, you will end up spending a lot more than you think on this place.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

norajane said:


> Unless your husband is a contractor, repairing that place will cost a fortune. No insulation, warped floors and window frames, single pane windows, mold - none of those things is cheap or easy to fix.
> 
> And it won't do a lot of good, either - if the foundation is on cinder blocks, you'll always get shifting as the ground moves, so a new floor and windows will get warped sooner or later.
> 
> There's a _reason _that place is so cheap to buy. Many reasons. So if he isn't a contractor, you will end up spending a lot more than you think on this place.


Agree


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Just noticed in your OP... you don't know if there is mold? This is already very hard to deal with and I would be very worried to buy a place that has established mold. The most effective way to deal with mold requires toxic material that can be as harmful as the mold itself. 

You really need to have someone inspect for mold. If it does, and the mold is pretty well established, DON'T BUY. The price will NEVER be worth it.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree with the others. My dad built a farm house when he returned from WWII in 1945. It was/is very much like the house you described. We lived in it 10 years and sunk way too much money into it. We never did get some things like we wanted them. What about the wiring? Has it ever been upgraded? What about the roof? Heating and cooling will also be a big challenge--even if it does already have a system.


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## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

827Aug said:


> I agree with the others. My dad built a farm house when he returned from WWII in 1945. It was/is very much like the house you described. We lived in it 10 years and sunk way too much money into it. We never did get some things like we wanted them. What about the wiring? Has it ever been upgraded? What about the roof? Heating and cooling will also be a big challenge--even if it does already have a system.


We don't want it to be perfect; just nicer than it is now. It has had the roof replaced because the old one leaked; the current one is a metal roof. It also has a breaker box that is from the 80s and I think DH said it has been rewired. Do you think heating and cooling will still be a problem if we put insulation in the walls?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

If you don't have insulation in the attic, insulating the walls won't help much. Metal transfers hot and cold quite well and doesn't protect you much. 

Also, having nothing but cinder block under the floors also will be a problem. Not to mention whatever is happening with the warped windows - leaks around the windows can make it seem as though you have no insulation at all.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I agree with the others. We bought a fixer-upper as our first house, and had no idea of what was really required to live comfortably in it. Nor did either of us have any skills beyond basic.
Sure, we painted and recarpeted, but we could not fix the wonky windows that would not close properly, nor the leak in the wall downstairs. For us, the cheaper price we bought the house for was not worth it in the long run as by the time we sold it 7 years later the problems has escalated and we never had the funds to fix the major problems.

As your husband grew up in circumstances different to yours, he might be more comfortable in daggier houses than nicer ones. Some people also are rescuers and 'rescue' unloved houses as well. Once they are in a 'relationship' with the house though, it overwhelms them and not much gets done.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I'm more concerned with the attitude surrounding your dislike of this particular home rather than the economics (which sound bad unless you two are skilled in the necessary trades).

I would ask you to consider why you feel uneasy about living there. Is it because you think your husband is cheap and won't fix it up to what most people feel are livable standards? That's a legitimate gripe if you have a reasonable basis to believe it. Most of us agree that mold and warped floors are sub-standard.

But, you should evaluate bias against a moderate lifestyle or a sense of being "better than that". Thinking "I'd never live in a house that small / that old / landscaped like that" are troubling and convey a sense of entitlement. And, you could be setting yourself up for long-term disappointment if your financial reality cannot provide that lifestyle (you did say you don't work, right?)

I see two red flags here. One is the admission you might not ever be happy in that home no matter how fixed-up it becomes. If the house is brought up to what an appraiser would consider average and/or functional, why would you be unhappy? 

The second red flag is that you admit you have high standards. When it comes to money matters, people across a wide range of incomes (even into the six figures) consider their lifestyles to be nothing special. That you consider your standards "high" means they might in fact be really high.

Something else to consider: you are newlyweds, fairly young, and (I assume) childless. Why do you not contribute financially? In general, I tend to have issues when people in this situation turn up their noses. If you expect better, from where will the resources come? Is your husband capable of providing it? If you expect him to work hard to meet your high standards, are you prepared for him to have high standards of you in return?

These are not trivial issues. This board (and others) are rife with stories of overworked, frustrated men who come home to wives who seemingly take them for granted and aren't interest in working as hard as they do. From the flip side, there are lots of stories of disconnected, disenchanted women who feel their husbands didn't provide as well as they could and/or are always busy supporting a lifestyle that does not appear to require that level of effort.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

ALotOnMyMind said:


> We don't want it to be perfect; just nicer than it is now. It has had the roof replaced because the old one leaked; the current one is a metal roof. It also has a breaker box that is from the 80s and I think DH said it has been rewired. Do you think heating and cooling will still be a problem if we put insulation in the walls?



That's good that a metal roof was put on. What color? A lighter one is a better choice here in the south--especially on cooling in the summer. However, you really don't know how much damage occurred before the roof was replaced. 

Heating and cooling will still be a problem due to the floor and window situation. What does the house currently have for heating and cooling?

Are you in a hurricane zone? Also, what about the plumbing?


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## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

DTO said:


> I'm more concerned with the attitude surrounding your dislike of this particular home rather than the economics (which sound bad unless you two are skilled in the necessary trades).
> 
> I would ask you to consider why you feel uneasy about living there. Is it because you think your husband is cheap and won't fix it up to what most people feel are livable standards? That's a legitimate gripe if you have a reasonable basis to believe it. Most of us agree that mold and warped floors are sub-standard.


You are close; DH and I have discussed what our standards are for "reasonable" and they are different. He would not want to fix up as many things as I would want to be fixed up.

He does have some skills in construction but not in any official capacity; he didn't work officially in construction nor does he have any formal training. He has connections/friends who work in construction who can help him out, but that will be limited and on a case-by-case basis.



DTO said:


> But, you should evaluate bias against a moderate lifestyle or a sense of being "better than that". Thinking "I'd never live in a house that small / that old / landscaped like that" are troubling and convey a sense of entitlement. And, you could be setting yourself up for long-term disappointment if your financial reality cannot provide that lifestyle (you did say you don't work, right?)


This is probably why he calls me "prissy" or "spoiled" then 



DTO said:


> I see two red flags here. One is the admission you might not ever be happy in that home no matter how fixed-up it becomes.


If it were fixed up in excess of our preferred renovations budget then sure I'd be happy with it, but we are trying to keep our renovations budget as low as we can because that house really isn't worth dumping a load of cash into.



DTO said:


> If the house is brought up to what an appraiser would consider average and/or functional, why would you be unhappy?


I have no idea or concept what an appraiser would consider average; I only know what houses/apartments I am used to living in. Before relocating and marrying my DH I paid my own way in life. I would always have a slightly above-average place to live. At one point I had my own business and made good money, but the business collapsed a few years ago.



DTO said:


> The second red flag is that you admit you have high standards. When it comes to money matters, people across a wide range of incomes (even into the six figures) consider their lifestyles to be nothing special. That you consider your standards "high" means they might in fact be really high.


I think most people who have high standards are just in denial about the fact that they have high standards. The most expensive house I've ever lived in was my parents house valued at no more than $250k. Everything was standard; no granite counters, no fancy fixtures, nothing like that.



DTO said:


> Something else to consider: you are newlyweds, fairly young, and (I assume) childless. Why do you not contribute financially? In general, I tend to have issues when people in this situation turn up their noses. If you expect better, from where will the resources come? Is your husband capable of providing it? If you expect him to work hard to meet your high standards, are you prepared for him to have high standards of you in return?


DH owns a small business and I come to work with him 6 days a week and contribute to his business in various ways. I basically fill in where he is too busy; I manage his online sales, shipping, running of errands, sometimes running the register, and anything else he may need done. So although I don't directly contribute financially, you could say that I kind of work at his business. And on top of that I still do have a business of my own, but it brings in a very part time income.



DTO said:


> These are not trivial issues. This board (and others) are rife with stories of overworked, frustrated men who come home to wives who seemingly take them for granted and aren't interest in working as hard as they do. From the flip side, there are lots of stories of disconnected, disenchanted women who feel their husbands didn't provide as well as they could and/or are always busy supporting a lifestyle that does not appear to require that level of effort.


Oh I know about those types of stories; I've been reading them for years. I don't think my story is one of those though.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I was about to say move town with better living standards but guess that's not an option... hell this is a tough one for sure.

Considering your schedules though I don't think you two would have time for repairs. Painting is one thing, peeled windows can be fixed, floors... different story though you can get away with rugs for a while. But how bad is it really? Do you have pictures?


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## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> I was about to say move town with better living standards but guess that's not an option... hell this is a tough one for sure.


Indeed it is a tough one. DH and I went out there today for a longer, closer view of the property because we are seriously considering it. DH allowed himself to get his hopes up that I would say yes and agree to the whole thing. I attempted to set some conditions on agreeing to the whole thing but the discussion went downhill for several reasons.

1. He doesn't have a clear idea what his goal is for the house in 5 years; he does not know if he wants to demolish it, rent it out, stay in it and build on it further, or what. He wants to make up his plans as he goes along. This could cause me to be always stuck in the middle of his plans without a clear goal in sight. I want him to decide on exactly what he wants to do with the house in 5 years. This is one of my conditions.

2. I have been told and educated all my life to believe that a house is an investment and the goal is to at least break even with it. The goal with a house is that when you sell it and move out, you want to be able to sell it for more than you bought it for, preferably making some money over the cost of repairs and improvements. I want to make sure we get at least all our money back out of it; he doesn't consider this to be important. This is also one of my conditions: I want to at least break even; I do not want to end up losing much money on this house. This is the equation I want to be true:

Sell price - cost of repairs - initial purchase price = 0 or more.

This would mean that we truly had gotten ahead in life and I would feel that 1-5 years of living in it would have been worth it. But if the equation ends up being:

Sell price - cost of repairs - initial purchase price = loss of $5,000 or more then I find that to be unacceptable and intolerable and not worth it. However, I do realize that this still means that we did save money over renting, which would have allowed us to get ahead in life over renting. He believes that a loss even steeper than that would still be worth it, up to and including coming out even with what rent would cost us. I can't agree with that

3. I discovered today that he and I have different priorities when it comes to owning and living in a home. He wants this place so badly because he is able to pay cash and have no mortgage. He believes this gives him a lot of financial security in an uncertain world. He feels uncertain about the future. He is not able to pay cash on more than the listed amount right now (under $25,000), so this place is just barely within his reach. While I consider that idea to be quite intelligent and financially sound, I also need to feel happy and at home in a house that I live in, and I need to feel that it is a good investment rather than a money sinkhole. If at any time I feel that the house is sucking up our money and is failing to be a financial investment in our future, I will grow to hate and resent it.

4. He is not willing to set clearly defined repair goals for the time that we are actually living in the place. He says he prefers to do cosmetic repairs (painting, fixing cracks, redoing walls) before redoing the foundation and is willing to risk having to do the cosmetic repairs all over again. I consider this to be unacceptable. He thinks it is acceptable because he assumes that any cosmetic repairs that may have to be redone after redoing the foundation would be very cheap to do; I say he can't assume that. He does not trust my intuition on the matter because he says that I have no background in construction (which is true, I don't). But I trust my own assessments on this matter. It seems pretty logical to me that the foundation should be leveled before any other repairs are begun. So this is another thing that he and I could not agree on. He says he can't do the leveling right now because it would go above his budget (costs $2,500 or so to do the leveling).

On top of this, he wants to do repairs as we go along, when he has time and money to do so, with no clear timeline set, but promising to get it all done by the time our current lease is up. But then again I don't have a clear idea from him what "get it all done" encompasses. And he won't commit to redoing the foundation either.

So we left the property once again today without making an offer on it, unable to agree.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

$25,000 for the HOUSE?! Including the land? Wow... is it haunted? Mass grave underneath or something? lol
I know prices here in Sydney are over the top but I didn't think prices would be that low in the US!!!! Hell come to think of it maybe I'll visit the U.S., buy a bunch of properties and rent it out while I stay here in AUS lol

Your reasoning is sound however and you're right, houses should be treated as investments and your husband needs to think more long-term. He has to forecast, it may not be accurate and things may change but it sure does sound like he's diving in because it's cheap and not thinking it through. He should know this as a business owner, have you offered to help him calculate the total cost for renovation?

Maybe he'll see more reason once he realises the catch of buying this property


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Whatever you buy, have the house inspected by a home inspector! You don't want a "money pit" house where you need to replace everything from the ground up. Even brand new homes need inspections. The builders or the workers they hire often take short cuts and there will be a few things not up to code that will need to be fixed.

Good luck. You need to decided together which home you'd both like. My husband and I decided to build our home. We custom made it the way we wanted it within our budget.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ALotOnMyMind said:


> DH and I are excellent communicators and we both care very much about what each other thinks and feels on any given topic.
> DH grew up poor with parents that didn't raise him right and didn't provide very well because they were drug addicts, but he persevered and became a stronger man because of it.
> DH calls me "prissy" and "spoiled."
> I have high standards for myself and everyone/everything in my life.


Not what you came here to ask, but I just wanted to point out that, psychologically speaking, I see dark clouds ahead for you two because of the above. Children of drug addicts, no matter how much they have persevered, never learned the skills to be an excellent communicator, and it's your childhood that determines who you become. And you already admit that he has an 'issue' with you for your 'better' background and has no problem maligning you with hurtful words. Expect it to get a LOT worse if you get that house.

You communicate well, so far, because you haven't seen the worst of each other. It will come.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would urge you instead to look for a slightly more expensive house in which you can rent out a basement or an attic, to let THAT person pay/help pay your mortgage. Let your money work for you instead of you working for your money.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

turnera said:


> Not what you came here to ask, but I just wanted to point out that, psychologically speaking, I see dark clouds ahead for you two because of the above. Children of drug addicts, no matter how much they have persevered, never learned the skills to be an excellent communicator, and it's your childhood that determines who you become. And you already admit that he has an 'issue' with you for your 'better' background and has no problem maligning you with hurtful words. Expect it to get a LOT worse if you get that house.
> 
> You communicate well, so far, because you haven't seen the worst of each other. It will come.


I respectfully disagree with you, anyone can overcome their childhood traumas. And not everyone is affected the same way. 

OP, it's funny because my husband and I are on opposite ends. I would love a fixer upper my dad bought a home for 27k now it's so beautiful we put so much work into it as a family and it gave us bonding time and life experience. I can lay tile, paint, nail shingles and all kinds of great things.

I'm not saying jump in but it may not be as horrible as you think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> and it's your childhood that determines who you become.


=/ 
Oh hey now, wait a second here... WTF?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

But he's already said he WON'T put all that work into it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> =/
> Oh hey now, wait a second here... WTF?


*shrug*

Read any psychology book, and you'll get the same answer.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I respectfully disagree with you, anyone can overcome their childhood traumas. And not everyone is affected the same way.
> 
> OP, it's funny because my husband and I are on opposite ends. I would love a fixer upper my dad bought a home for 27k now it's so beautiful we put so much work into it as a family and it gave us bonding time and life experience. I can lay tile, paint, nail shingles and all kinds of great things.
> 
> ...


I was kind of leaning this way myself. Specifically as to the house, it's probably going to be too small once the kids start coming, but it's a great way to learn alot of basic skills. The house my wife and I first bought was an older 1300 sq. foot post-WWII tract house that was a repossession, and boy did my comfort zone not only get stretched, it got expanded vastly in all directions whether I liked it or not. But looking back, I learned so much that served me very well later on.

And it's cool to have a house where the 2x4's are actually two by four.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

And yet I stand here today a fully legit and (mostly) sane man who managed to go from 6 years of crime ranging from drug dealings, gang brawls, debt collections, armed robberies to now a successful business owner who everybody loves (I hope heh) and wouldn't even THINK I was capable of such things in my youth

If there are books on this subject, I've already proved them all wrong


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

turnera said:


> But he's already said he WON'T put all that work into it.


I don't see that in the post, can you direct me where that's stated?

I read this:

"4. He is not willing to set clearly defined repair goals for the time that we are actually living in the place. He says he prefers to do cosmetic repairs (painting, fixing cracks, redoing walls) before redoing the foundation and is willing to risk having to do the cosmetic repairs all over again. "
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

turnera said:


> *shrug*
> 
> Read any psychology book, and you'll get the same answer.


Really? I read plenty and I have never seen a statement like that. I also have taken many courses in school as I was going to major in psychology but changed my route. I'm genuinely asking as theories change all the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> And yet I stand here today a fully legit and (mostly) sane man who managed to go from 6 years of crime ranging from drug dealings, gang brawls, debt collections, armed robberies to now a successful business owner who everybody loves (I hope heh) and wouldn't even THINK I was capable of such things in my youth
> 
> If there are books on this subject, I've already proved them all wrong


You are awesome! Just wanted to point that out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aww, thanks  
Now you made me blush -.- lol

But on a serious note, there are alot of people who have been there as I have and came out of it. It was my circle, and hell many of us just "grew up" and became better people as a result. One of my old mates even called it "puberty" lol

My first gf also came from a drug-addicted family, who even abandoned her as well, there are alot of people out there who went through childhood traumas but overcame it for the better.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Aww, thanks
> Now you made me blush -.- lol
> 
> But on a serious note, there are alot of people who have been there as I have and came out of it. It was my circle, and hell many of us just "grew up" and became better people as a result. One of my old mates even called it "puberty" lol


I understand, I feel healed after recovering from many childhood traumas myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

mablenc said:


> I don't see that in the post, can you direct me where that's stated?


I take it from this. And remember, he is lusting for this house because of the MONEY, so he's being on his best behavior on what he says he's willing to do, just to get her to agree - expect him to offer LESS once he gets it:




> DH and I have discussed what our standards are for "reasonable" and they are different. He would not want to fix up as many things as I would want to be fixed up.
> If it were fixed up in excess of our preferred renovations budget then sure I'd be happy with it, but we are trying to keep our renovations budget as low as we can because that house really isn't worth dumping a load of cash into.
> He says he can't do the leveling right now because it would go above his budget


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I never said people can't overcome bad habits learned from childhood; I said you learned them in the first place. And her H is already showing that he's willing to call her names or make her feel 'less than'; doesn't sound like he's overcome all that much. But I'll drop it, since you all think I'm wrong; not gonna T/J the thread.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Agreed on not T/Jking

Anyways on that note, OP did mention he works 6 days a week so I would be more concerned about the time he even has available to work on the place. My STBX also did her own renovations but it wasn't anything as substantial as what seems to be expected with this house, and she was a SAHM - also why I handed her the house upon seperation no question.

Still I reckon the two should make a realistic forecast and see if this house can be worked on with their schedules or not, and if not, he does have to let it go, just my two cents.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I would do what many other people here in the south do. Buy a reasonably priced pre-owned mobile home and some nice land. Put your money in the land since it is appreciating in value. Live in the mobile home (on the land) a few years while you save up more money. Have plans drawn up for a nice house that you and your husband can build together. When your house is completed, sell the mobile home. It is a sound financial move and way better than being tied to a "money pit" home.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My DH and I completely renovated a house we got cheap, to try to turn a profit. I pretty much lost out on my DD's first two years of life to get it done, as I had to keep leaving her at Grandpa's house every weekend and half of the weekday evenings, to get it done.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

827Aug said:


> I would do what many other people here in the south do. By a reasonably priced pre-owned mobile home and some nice land. Put your money in the land since it is appreciating in value. Live in the mobile home (on the land) a few years while you save up more money. Have plans drawn up for a nice house that you and your husband can build together. When your house is completed, sell the mobile home. It is a sound financial move and way better than being tied to a "money pit" home.


 I SO agree!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

turnera said:


> I never said people can't overcome bad habits learned from childhood; I said you learned them in the first place. And her H is already showing that he's willing to call her names or make her feel 'less than'; doesn't sound like he's overcome all that much. But I'll drop it, since you all think I'm wrong; not gonna T/J the thread.


"Children of drug addicts, no matter how much they have persevered, never learned the skills to be an excellent communicator" just didn't want you to scare the OP, she has enough to worry about. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I urge the OP, however, to not look at this house as her end-all, be-all. This is likely the first of MANY homes she will own, so why not just dig in and live like a hermit for a few years in a crappy house while you're building up your finances?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

mablenc said:


> "Children of drug addicts, no matter how much they have persevered, never learned the skills to be an excellent communicator" just didn't want you to scare the OP, she has enough to worry about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Well, I would rather she walk into this with her eyes open than discover a few years from now that they now hate each other because there will likely be many unhappy, angry, events over the course of overhauling an old house like that. It's not an easy, nor fun, process.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm, I wonder OP's reaction to that, already she's uncomfortable moving from a middle-class to lower-class home, now a mobile home!!! lol


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

turnera said:


> Well, I would rather she walk into this with her eyes open than discover a few years from now that they now hate each other because there will likely be many unhappy, angry, events over the course of overhauling an old house like that. It's not an easy, nor fun, process.


Guess I'll high jack one last time, never say never when it comes to a persons ability to change and improve themselves. I guess that was the point I was trying to get across. You can recover and change. As humans we mature and are always changing for better or for worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Heck, we were looking at creating a unique mobile home park last year and some of the ones we looked at are fancier than most built homes, and you can't even tell they're modular.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> I urge the OP, however, to not look at this house as her end-all, be-all. This is likely the first of MANY homes she will own, so why not just dig in and live like a hermit for a few years in a crappy house while you're building up your finances?


I think it's because they _won't_ be building up their finances. They don't have the money for any repairs right now, certainly not the money to level the foundation for starters. He wants to make cosmetic repairs first, and then re-do those repairs if necessary when he does get around to leveling the foundation, which he hasn't even committed to doing.

So they'll be saving up and spending it on repairs, saving and spending, saving and spending, and could very well end up in the hole financially with nothing to show for it if the house doesn't sell in 5 years for enough to recoup their spending...not to mention, he has NO PLAN for the house and whether he'll want to sell it, demolish it and build a new house on the property, etc.

His only plan is buy it so they don't have to pay rent. This is not a plan that makes her comfortable financially or anything else.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I just googled out of curiouscity because the only picture that came to my mind was the caravans I see in parks and such... then again:










Not too shabby...

Yet I also found this and have to share it:
How awesome is THIS!!!










:rofl:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Clayton Homes - Houston | Photo Gallery | The Augusta - PNH32564A | 1717 sq. ft. | 4 Beds | 2 Baths

Google Image Result for http://www.edgewoodhomes.com/new/images/home_1.jpg


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

norajane said:


> His only plan is buy it so they don't have to pay rent.


Have to agree. That's what I get, too - that ALL he sees is not paying rent. If she were to take charge of the home renovation, I think she could make a passable go of it. But like I said, I'd rather see her pick a slightly more expensive one and get a renter who will give THEM money.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I got a feeling that would cost just as much if not more than a normal house no? It looks in the luxury range

Anyways I was thinking, if they have a mobile home, depending on the mobility, why purchase land? I just remembered a couple I only met once who lived in a caravan and basically just drove and parked from place to place lol

Hell come to think of it, why don't I do that... or live in a yacht... oh that would be a dream, unless a storm hits >.<


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Here, the norm is either to rent space in a mobile home park, where people permanently park their mobile home, or to buy land, pay to get utilities run to the home. You can get a decent new one for anywhere from $25,000 to $80,000, depending on how fancy you want to get. Or you can get a used one for a lot less.

We were friends with people who sold their company and bought a yacht; we met them because they'd been sailing around on it for a couple years, but decided their twin daughters needed a real school, so they bought the house behind us as well and moved in.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Random, they have plenty of those mobile home parks around the central coast of NSW, at Lakes Entrance. They are a popular choice for retirees there. There are some around where I live as well, here they are used as an affordable living option.
They are only mobile in the sense that you bring them in on a truck & put them on stumps, and then at some stage, they can be trucked out again if you really want.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Get a good home inspector and walk the property for a couple _hours_ with a good general contractor. It'll cost you a few hundred bucks to rent someone for a few hours, but it could save you your shirt later. People generally do not realize what they are getting themselves into.

A good construction contractor is going to look, and *see* - more than just water dammage under the sink or if the furnace is OK or if the roof is sagging.

really. Dont mess around with it. Impatience is also the hallmark of an impulsive, ill considered purchase. Do it right and you canfeel good about it - do it wrong and you could have a disaster on your hands that you cant GIVE away for $25K.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I watch HGTV _all the time_. I've seen it all. And the one common theme is that every old house ends up costing WAY more than you think it will.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I get the lofty goal of being debt free but I'd have to pass on living in substandard conditions.

I'm far from spoiled I just refuse to live like that.

In the book fascinating womanhood she advises NOT moving anywhere with your husband until its up to basic standards.

Goes on to say once you move in you risk the improvements never getting done because once you're there you've essentially agreed to live like that indefinitely.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> Goes on to say once you move in you risk the improvements never getting done because once you're there you've essentially agreed to live like that indefinitely.


 Exactly my point, early on. He's so gung ho he'll agree to anything - and may have NO intention of doing anything about it, since he's made it clear he has no problem with those types of conditions.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

turnera said:


> *shrug*
> 
> Read any psychology book, and you'll get the same answer.


I call B.S.

Sure your upbringing and experiences give you certain biases. But you always have the ability to challenge those biases and grow to a great extent.

Now, some folks may refuse to put in the effort necessary to grow, but that's a different issue.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Don't do it!!! You BOTH need to like and feel comfortable with the house you are buying. Buying a house is a huge investment of time and money. If you buy that house, I guarantee you will eventually resent your husband for it. Fixing up a house takes a tremendous amount of time and money if you do (even some) the repairs yourself. If you pay a contracter to do them, you will be paying $$$$. 

My husband and I just bought our second house (we sold our first) and it was a compromise. I wanted a newer home, and I would have been perfectly fine in a subdivision. However, he really wanted some property. We couldn't afford the house I wanted and the property he wanted. So what we have now is a house built in 1978 on 3 acres. It is a tudor-style home and very charming. However, it does need some cosmetic updates such as paint, flooring, etc... I DO like the house though, and I'm happy that he has his space and property.

You both have to be on board with a fixer-upper--esp. if he wants you to live in it! Imagine the tension if you are living there and he doesn't do what he said he woud do? What if you disagree with the necessary remodels? Then you'll be accused of being a nagging wife.


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## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

turnera said:


> I never said people can't overcome bad habits learned from childhood; I said you learned them in the first place. And her H is already showing that he's willing to call her names or make her feel 'less than'; doesn't sound like he's overcome all that much. But I'll drop it, since you all think I'm wrong; not gonna T/J the thread.


He doesn't call me names and he isn't emotionally, psychologically or physically abusive. If he became that way I'd leave him. He calls me prissy and princess in a playful manner. I've known him for 2 years now and our agreement from the beginning was that if either of us lied to, cheated on, stole from or abused the other, the marriage was over. I don't think any of those things will ever happen.



RandomDude said:


> Hmmm, I wonder OP's reaction to that, already she's uncomfortable moving from a middle-class to lower-class home, now a mobile home!!! lol


I've actually lived in a mobile home before, but it was much newer and nicer.



norajane said:


> I think it's because they _won't_ be building up their finances. They don't have the money for any repairs right now, certainly not the money to level the foundation for starters. He wants to make cosmetic repairs first, and then re-do those repairs if necessary when he does get around to leveling the foundation, which he hasn't even committed to doing.
> 
> So they'll be saving up and spending it on repairs, saving and spending, saving and spending, and could very well end up in the hole financially with nothing to show for it if the house doesn't sell in 5 years for enough to recoup their spending...not to mention, he has NO PLAN for the house and whether he'll want to sell it, demolish it and build a new house on the property, etc.
> 
> His only plan is buy it so they don't have to pay rent. This is not a plan that makes her comfortable financially or anything else.


You summed up the way I felt that day pretty well. I have discovered and realized things since that post that have caused me to change my mind.



827Aug said:


> I would do what many other people here in the south do. Buy a reasonably priced pre-owned mobile home and some nice land. Put your money in the land since it is appreciating in value. Live in the mobile home (on the land) a few years while you save up more money. Have plans drawn up for a nice house that you and your husband can build together. When your house is completed, sell the mobile home. It is a sound financial move and way better than being tied to a "money pit" home.


That is a good plan for the most part. However, mobile homes never appreciate in value no matter what improvements you add to them, and you never sell them for more than you paid. So while the land would appreciate, the home would depreciate, at best cancelling each other out. However, if the mobile home were cheap enough while still being in decent condition, it might be a good plan.



turnera said:


> Exactly my point, early on. He's so gung ho he'll agree to anything - and may have NO intention of doing anything about it, since he's made it clear he has no problem with those types of conditions.


My husband isn't the type of man who goes back on his word; once he has agreed to do something, he does it.

Anyway, since the last time I posted, I have changed my mind due to the following:

1. I found enough evidence by researching local land and home values to prove to myself that the land all by itself is worth at least $20,000, and very likely $30,000 to $35,000, and due to more companies and jobs moving into the area, the land will appreciate above whatever current value it has. 

2. The house has already had the most expensive repairs done to it in the past few decades: roof, plumbing, electrical. Most of the repairs needed are indeed cosmetic. Unless the inspector missed something big, which we don't think he did.

3. I have begun to discover (thanks to hours of watching youtube videos) the options we have to do repair work on the house, which I did not know about before. We will be able to work miracles on the place just by sanding down a lot of the old wood and replacing some of the wood that is damaged. This will be time intensive but will be worth it. Someone also told me that one option for the floors is to rip up all the gross peeling linoleum and sand down and finish the wood flooring. As long as we do the repairs ourselves, we will save lots of money and still get excellent results. 

4. I called my parents and talked to them about what are reasonable expectations to have for a house that you plan on living in for 5 years vs one that you plan to buy, fix up, and resell right away. They said that you generally hope to sell it for more than you bought it for, but you can't expect to always make a profit. And also, they said that when a homeowner calculates profit made on a home sale, they do not count the loan interest or money spent on repairs, which I found a little shocking, so in reality, after counting all those factors, the typical homeowner either breaks even or loses money on a house. We won't have any loan interest to worry about.

Based on my new discoveries and insights, I have changed my mind and have agreed to buy the house. I can now, for the first time, visualize what the house can look like and feel like after the repairs are done. I have even begun to get emotionally invested / attached to the little house. 

We have signed the paperwork. I just hope that the inspector didn't miss something big, but he looked it all over and said it was pretty solid. 

So we'll see!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good luck! Start watching a lot of HGTV and DIY shows!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I haven't read all of these replies.. but see that the house was bought... I will be 1st to say... these old houses will require a lot of tender loving care... Our 1st bought house.... we spent literally 2 full years working on it.. but we did sell it and make a profit...and like your situation...it would have been cheaper buying over paying Rent...when you factor the pros & cons...we went forth - also knowing it was not our dream house...but it did make for the perfect stop along the way.. that stepping stone... in our walk of life... 

When you work from the ground up --and together....you learn to appreciate ... even smile -when you conquer this project, then another.. .. and not having the financial pressure of a HIGH mortgage.. I think that is just *WISE*.....when a couple is starting out..... I know it played us a wonderful hand....looking back.

Though we had the time to work on stuff together, our schedules wasn't crazy back then....when we got the dream house, children came one after another -as in perfect timing.. 

When you think about it...in your situation...... sounds the house is in a good area considering..... some privacy / land... these things, ultimately will be a blessing...not one to overlook by any means... and it's sale value due to those things...BIG.... everything else you can get to...in your own timing.... I'm one who feels you did the RIGHT choice here... 

I lived that situation... pretty much and I know it was the best choice for us at the time ! 

The house we live in now - which didn't need near as many repairs as our 1st .....is even older.... it is a 1901 farmhouse... anything can be updated and made to be beautiful...a House made into a home...

I must admit when I 1st read your opening post ....I was getting the impression you felt you deserved better in everything, hard to please....like that said Princess in comparison to your husband... thinking.....he must feel like slime or something given your previous lifestyle and expectations... but after your last post here, It was great to read....he calls you these things in a Playful manner... sounds you have a good relationship and you respect him... how dearly important....

May you learn much about Love, Patience, team work...through this purchase of your 1st home together.... someday you will look back with fondness , even laugh with the memories....Life, after all , is an experience...


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Your parents are correct. When you buy a home to live in as your permanent, primary residence, then the "investment" is more about stability for your family than for profit. It is a home first. I think this is the point that was missed during the big housing bubble in 2004-2007, for many reasons, of course. I wish you luck and hope you can make the place comfortable.

RandomDude, there are indeed many places where housing in the US is very cheap. There is often a very good reason for it, as usually the areas where these prices are found are either very dangerous or very rural with very little access to public services (hence why this house has a well for water and a septic tank). Often the houses are old and dilapidated, as well. Even if you find renters, the market rent you could charge for the area might still not cover the cost of repairs, property taxes, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

For 25k you should just make it livable for now and save for money to tear it down and build something new. You could do a lot of the demolition and building yourselves.


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## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> For 25k you should just make it livable for now and save for money to tear it down and build something new. You could do a lot of the demolition and building yourselves.


That is something we are considering for the future, like 5+ years out. The land that the house is on is quite charming and feels wooded and private while being close to a major shopping and business area, and it is also closer to work than where we currently live. And on top of all that it's in a good area. 

DH and I have talked about demolishing or moving the house at some point in the future and building our longer-term home on that land. Who knows what the future brings.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

In Houston, all of the 'inner' areas that have become the most prized property have almost to a house been bought, demolished, and a McMansion built in their place. The few left that were the tiny, older houses get slightly remodeled to be a quaint live-in home - for the time being - until the owners sell or demolish.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Tuners, I'm in Houston too. I've seen that happen in the inner city. However, I paid $150,000 for a nice 2100 sq ft brick home in a nice subdivision in the suburbs. I love that Houston suburbs are very affordable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm in the suburbs, too. But I started working at the Medical Center, so the traffic's getting old. I just wish we had a decent metro system.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Yes, Houston traffic is bad 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

I have decided to retire from this forum. Thank you all for your answers; they were much appreciated and helped me work through an issue I had. 

Goodbye and good luck to you all.


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