# He almost sucked me back in!



## too_far_into_it (Jan 6, 2010)

I usually post in general relationship discussion, but I think this is a more appropriate place for me as I really want a divorce.

For those of you who don't know my situation you'd have to read my first post to know the torment I have been through.

I'm back here after quite a few weeks of calm. My last post I had decided to prepare myself to leave. I could not keep my feelings to myself and slowly told him exactly how I felt.

He had a melt down. It was basically the same apologies he has given me the past 19 years. He said he would never treat me poorly again. He BEGGED and PLEADED over and over again until he wore me down. I told him 3 weeks ago I would try to forgive him yet again. Well, we got back into our normal routine, started making plans for the future and I just sank back into the relationship. Yesterday I began to feel trapped and unhappy again. I just don't think I can forgive him, even though he as been the model husband the last three weeks. 19 years of crap can't be replaced by apologies and 3 weeks of dedication to our marriage.

I feel bad and at fault for continuing my plans to leave him, even though our problems in our marriage are 90 percent brought on by him. I don't love him and want out and away from his home.

I want another life and don't want it with him.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Only you know what you can and will--or can't and won't--take. 

FWIW, I did not want to be with someone who only "behaved" if I threatened to leave. Made me kind of sick to my stomach, actually, given how much I had devoted to the relationship over all the years. 

So I didn't threaten--I just said it was over, and I meant it. Didn't even matter then if he "changed;" he was not the type of person I wanted to be with, by definition, b/c he'd only change when HE had something to lose. My happiness didn't seem to matter much to him--just his own happiness and comfort. Ugh.


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## too_far_into_it (Jan 6, 2010)

Thanks for the support sisters. My intention wasn't to threaten him. I just couldn't take it anymore. It all came out when he was trying to control me one night by withholding transportation from me. My intention was to purchase my own vehicle and save enough money to rent a place. I just could not pretend anymore. But you are right. It makes me sick to my stomach. He never would have changed his ways if I had not snapped. He WILL go back to his old ways, that I'm sure of. I have saved some money so far and continue to do so.
I will leave when I know I can.

on edit: oh yes, he is only thinking of his own happiness. It doesn't seem to matter to him that I am unhappy, only that I don't mess with his happiness and that his family stays in tact. He even went as far as to tell me that is was not fair to his parents. The ones I cook for and help with showers etc. Also he laid the guilt trip on me about it not being fair to the kids. Yeah, as long as everyone else is happy and it is fair to them that's great. My happiness or fairness not so much.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I didn't want to imply you intended threaten him, only that is how he perceived it--HE was in danger of losing something essential to his comfort, so he changed. How you felt and what you needed were not part of the equation.


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