# Is this normal to man who's already married?



## 7roninz (Feb 2, 2012)

is it normal for married man to continue fantasizing about having new sexual relationship with another woman , continue watching pornography without the wife, keep dreaming of teenage and even looking for another married woman for sex. Is this normal to every man even they already married with children ? 

i was wondering if this thought is bad or it happens to every man in this universe regardless of religion .


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I am sure that all men (and women too) have temptations and fantasies.

But, being able to be strong enough to resist those temptations, especially if they are weakening yourself and your partner and relationship, and to put that energy instead into your personal growth, your partner, and your relationship shows that you are a man (or woman) of good character and high quality. Just the kind of person you want to be married to. 

So, I would say that no - it is not normal, nor good, for a married man to be actively seeking out others for sex. And, if you are in this situation, you need to be willing to set and enforce your personal boundaries regarding this. Do not fall for "but every man does this - it's normal" pander.

Best wishes.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No it's not normal.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a guy, no. What you describe are not the attributes of "every man". The combination suggests they're he attributes of a man looking to cheat. Porn in itself doesn't need to be bad, fantasies aren't unusual. But neither if these are "universal". But looking for a married woman for sex is a big no-no, obviously.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

7roninz said:


> is it normal for married man to continue fantasizing about having new sexual relationship with another woman ,


I don`t know if it`s "normal" but fantasies are fantasies as long as they don`t seek to make them reality I don`t see a problem



> continue watching pornography without the wife,


yup, normal



> ..and even looking for another married woman for sex.


Nope, not normal and not good.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

7roninz said:


> is it normal for married man to continue fantasizing about having new sexual relationship with another woman , continue watching pornography without the wife, keep dreaming of teenage and even looking for another married woman for sex. Is this normal to every man even they already married with children ?
> 
> i was wondering if this thought is bad or it happens to every man in this universe regardless of religion .


No, not every man is like this at all... in fact a man who IS thinking -like you described has lost desire & passion for his wife -for whatever reason ......it is not a good thing, it is a very slippery slope where he may take his wants & turn them into reality. Attention needs called to the relationship - and fast. 

My husband has never been or felt this way (as a married man with children) -even when I wasn't giving him enough sex, he swears it, and he has never given me any indication he has eyes for another. (I would have noticed & been jealous if so) .

I think any married man, if he is honest, wouldn't mind a little mental variety, they like to check out the shapes & sizes of other women when they walk past -but when the HEART, the emotional man is seeking for MORE than "just a quick look".......something very precious has been lost in the marriage. 

A man should bring all of his erotic fantasies, and feelings , any way that engine is revved and want to bring it all back to his wife and lavish her and only her.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Your relationship needs attention asap and some open and honest communication is needed. You have every right to step up and enforce your boundaries with him, and hopefully while you are doing that you can provide him with whatever emotional safety he needs to tell you why he is searching out these other distractions and not focusing on you.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> No it's not normal.


:iagree:

my ex cheated for 14 years that i know of and even knowing this i still did not think of doing this during that time.


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

7roninz said:


> is it normal for married man to continue fantasizing about having new sexual relationship with another woman , continue watching pornography without the wife, keep dreaming of teenage and even looking for another married woman for sex. Is this normal to every man even they already married with children ?
> 
> i was wondering if this thought is bad or it happens to every man in this universe regardless of religion .


Yep, I would say yes it is, just as long as you dont act on anything and keep it strictly fantasy. The teenage part has me a bit concerned....


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Yes for everything accept the seeking out the real thing part.

We don't need emotion for sex. So new visual stimuli is always going to be attractive for us.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

As long as these fantasties stay in his head fine... but actually looking for other women for sex... NO!! That's not OK.


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## speakingforsomemen (Dec 12, 2011)

This is where I do not think people are being honest with themselves. Given the opportunity, the opportunity that so often is rare, I question how many people would succomb to it. I think it is easier said than done, especially for a married man, as the years progress and his wife becomes less and less interested, sex becomes more work for both of them. I think there is a reality here that is being ignored. All I can say is, just wait until the shoe fits and see how you behave. Don't pass judgements, don't assume you know the answer. That is my little comment, lets see what kind of firestorm erupts here.


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

speakingforsomemen said:


> This is where I do not think people are being honest with themselves. Given the opportunity, the opportunity that so often is rare, I question how many people would succomb to it. I think it is easier said than done, especially for a married man, as the years progress and his wife becomes less and less interested, sex becomes more work for both of them. I think there is a reality here that is being ignored. All I can say is, just wait until the shoe fits and see how you behave. Don't pass judgements, don't assume you know the answer. That is my little comment, lets see what kind of firestorm erupts here.


I can tell you that I have had the opportunity to act on it, more than once I may add, and chose not too.. Not all men cheat.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Is it normal to fantasize about other women as a guy? Umm hell yes. As I have turned almost 30 I just now feel like I have some control over my raging sexual hormones.

Is it normal to watch porn? Yes this is very normal, though personally I don't find it healthy. Of the married men I know well, every single one watches porn. 75% of them recognize it's not healthy for their marriage but still do it.

Is it normal to actively look for married women? Nope! Once it goes from fantasy to reality it's dangerous.


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## 7roninz (Feb 2, 2012)

speakingforsomemen said:


> This is where I do not think people are being honest with themselves. Given the opportunity, the opportunity that so often is rare, I question how many people would succomb to it. I think it is easier said than done, especially for a married man, as the years progress and his wife becomes less and less interested, sex becomes more work for both of them. I think there is a reality here that is being ignored. All I can say is, just wait until the shoe fits and see how you behave. Don't pass judgements, don't assume you know the answer. That is my little comment, lets see what kind of firestorm erupts here.


i like your comment and of course i also took great advise from the rest of you. im just doing a small survey here so that i can find out this human behavior after marriage with steady relationship . how many of you actually married for more than 10 years and how many of you commented here has a family with kids and also without kids?

i wonder if i will comment the same like majority of you who will said no when my marriage is still in the early years. 

what if a man who has a marriage of more than 15 years now , have kids already and family planning had halted ( no more desire for kids and sex with wife anymore). U see the mind never end just there and its like a hunter and never been satisfied .

the temptation and the controlling part is difficult especially when one is expose to internet, social, environment etc... 
how did man or even woman able to control such desire ? thanks


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

We've been married for 22 years...together 25.
H used to look at porn when i met him (he was horny and 23 yrs old),then he liked it for while when my 3x boys were babies and my focus moved away from him for a while. I hated it but prefered it, obviously, to him straying. I've never felt threatened by it as he has never choosen porn over me and it's just not been an issue. When we have regular sex he says he doesn't feel the desire to look at porn much at all.
But , as far as i know, he has never tried to connect with another woman for anything personal/sexual.... that would probably be a deal breaker for me.

We have a pretty good marriage (albeit with a few bumpy bits along the way) , I think. 
We laughlots and have fun together and lotsa sex/physical closeness.

I learnt this way of marriage from my parents who are about to celebrate 50 years of marriage... their going away for a 'dirty weekend' to celebrate LOL!

So time doesn't have to kill the passion...sometimes time makes the love better and stronger.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

speakingforsomemen said:


> This is where I do not think people are being honest with themselves. Given the opportunity, the opportunity that so often is rare, I question how many people would succomb to it. I think it is easier said than done, especially for a married man, as the years progress and his wife becomes less and less interested, sex becomes more work for both of them. I think there is a reality here that is being ignored. All I can say is, just wait until the shoe fits and see how you behave. Don't pass judgements, don't assume you know the answer. That is my little comment, lets see what kind of firestorm erupts here.


Do you not think that the opportunity is there and accessable for everyone nowadays?
What with the cell phones, the internet and online dating, FB and the likes it just seems so easy to hook up if you are looking for it. I wouldn't have thought that it was rare at all...or am I misreading your post?

All the more reason to 'work' on our relationships and not take them and each other for granted...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> I wonder if i will comment the same like majority of you who will said no when my marriage is still in the early years


So you are a Man 7roninz ? What are you worried about -you plan to get married and fear you will not be faithful? 

Statistically speaking MEN with higher testosterone levels have more affairs & one night stands than men with lower levels (normal is anywhere from 300 - 1100)..... if you have sex on the brain 24/7 and do not require an emotional connection with a woman ...you are "generally" more at risk for stepping over these boundaries..... unless you are highly romantically charged & CRAZY for your wife -passion never fading ..... you are very self controlled .... Integrity is your middle name and Masterbation you can live with - if/when the sex slows - she is too busy with the kids and/or marriage problems /loss of attraction/ sex gets boring. 

My husband is a lower Testosterone man (had him tested), even in his youth, he was never the aggressive type... his flavor of porn is Playboy Bunnies, he doesn't care for anything harder core than this..... we talk about every darn thing, I swear I am more horny than him (in mid life).... I know he is not lying to me about how he feels... he is the type that has always NEEDED the emotional connection to be with a woman-even in his youth he was this way- he would choose his hand over a one night stand. I know not all men are like him by a long shot!

So these lower test guys ....they are more faithful by default almost. Some would call these the "nice" guys. They seem to be more on the Beta side. It's those flirty Alphas who have more trouble. 

So a man's values/morals (can he look himself in the mirror the next day), his hormone levels (is he raging for sex), if he is putting himself into tempting situations (does he want to "fall" ).... all of this , I would feel plays a part.

It is also claimed men who become Fathers will have a drop in their Test levels.... it has a calming effect, so these men are not as antsy for sex many times in comparison to the free & single men on "the hunt". 

I've been married for 22 yrs (been together for 30) , we have 6 kids. He has forever been faithful. In mind and spirit -his only desire is for me...except for that mental variety I talked about in my 1st post. IF he is lying, hiding, he is a hell of an actor. 

I would even say MY fantasies are more colorful than his, more dirty somehow, We do talk about it all.

And like waiwera says here


> So time doesn't have to kill the passion...sometimes time makes the love better and stronger.


 This can be absolutely be true, I would say we have more passion NOW in mid life than we ever had our whole marraige. Things may ebb & flow in marraige to some degree....just make sure you marry correctly / compatability & a healthy attraction there..... then follow this advice..

Never Keep Secrets ~~~~ Never let the Sun go down on your anger. A little conflict is healthy, do not fear it ~~~Know your spouses Love Languages & live to give what they crave. ~~~~ If you have sexual inhibitions, destroy them! Read books on Sex , Intimacy & Spicing like mad, never let the passion fade.~~~ Continue to date after kids, Laugh with each other, Flirt always, be playful, bring each other up when the other is having a bad day .~~~ May your Lover forever & always be your Best Friend.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

7roninz said:


> is it normal for married man to continue fantasizing about having new sexual relationship with another woman , continue watching pornography without the wife, keep dreaming of teenage and even looking for another married woman for sex. Is this normal to every man even they already married with children ?
> 
> i was wondering if this thought is bad or it happens to every man in this universe regardless of religion .


Yes solo porn very normal. 

Looking for another married woman? Why even get married in the first place? That's gotta stop.


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## 7roninz (Feb 2, 2012)

okay, i gotta stop thinking but only way to deprive that thought is to focus on other thing more important in life like thinking of my child future . thanks for all the comments made here to help me progress. thank you guys.


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## Good_Guy_Gerrard (Mar 17, 2012)

7roninz said:


> is it normal for married man to continue fantasizing about having new sexual relationship with another woman , continue watching pornography without the wife, keep dreaming of teenage and even looking for another married woman for sex. Is this normal to every man even they already married with children ?
> 
> i was wondering if this thought is bad or it happens to every man in this universe regardless of religion .


While yes it is very normal to continue to find other women attractive...I'd say that no it's not very normal to continue to react to and even create new fantasies of other women so often...Of course there will always be women that we find appealing and who we would no doubt pursue if we were still single but at some point this should subside some...and we should be involved in the business of tending to our own wives...the lady in our lives!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*okay, i gotta stop thinking but only way to deprive that thought is to focus on other thing more important in life like thinking of my child future . thanks for all the comments made here to help me progress. thank you guys.
*

Wouldn't it make more sense to focus on having a more fulfilling sex life with your spouse? THAT should ease the other "issues".


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## 7roninz (Feb 2, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> *okay, i gotta stop thinking but only way to deprive that thought is to focus on other thing more important in life like thinking of my child future . thanks for all the comments made here to help me progress. thank you guys.
> *
> 
> Wouldn't it make more sense to focus on having a more fulfilling sex life with your spouse? THAT should ease the other "issues".


i don't think it's so simple but i wish we could like a water that could be boil to become hot again but in reality, both don't have that romantic anymore


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

I think it's probably normal for some men and abnormal for others. Regardless, however, boundries in each relationship must be set and those boundries should be independent from what people believe to be normal or abnormal. Rather these boundries should be based on the couple involved.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

speakingforsomemen said:


> This is where I do not think people are being honest with themselves. Given the opportunity, the opportunity that so often is rare, I question how many people would succomb to it. I think it is easier said than done, especially for a married man, as the years progress and his wife becomes less and less interested, sex becomes more work for both of them. I think there is a reality here that is being ignored. All I can say is, just wait until the shoe fits and see how you behave. Don't pass judgements, don't assume you know the answer. That is my little comment, lets see what kind of firestorm erupts here.


There are not many men and women who work outside of the home or even stay at home who do not have the opportunity to cheat.

In many cases, they can limit the risk of exposure by picking the right circumstances carefully. Many people have had the chance for affairs practically thrown in their laps. Some bite some don't.

Oh and I don't know why you put cheating in terms of what a married man's options are because he is bored with his wife. Step up to the 21st century it scary out here. LD women cheat because they are just as bored. Women cheat almost as frequently as men. 

LD does not mean a no desire for sex, just no desire for sex with her husband. Another man is likely to wake up her passion. Many apparently LD wives are having sex with other men. 

Think about it. If women are cheating at nearly the same rate as men, then there has to be some LD woman who are cheating. LD should be termed situationally LD or SLD. It is not a permanent state.


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