# Over reacting or reasonable boundry



## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Ok so this might seem quite trivial for some, but it was disrespectful in my eyes.

We have a cat, who now lives indoors due to age. As a result we have a litter tray that she does her business in.

I came home to find my wife washing out the tray in the kitchen sink where we wash our pots. I was disgusted and told her I dont want cat poo anywhere near where I prepare food. 

She defended her actions and despite me saying I don't want you to do that anymore, she paid me lip service and I caught her doing it again. 

I really lost my **** the second time because of the lack of respect she showed for my revulsion. 

What do you think, am I over reacting


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Wash the ****ing tray yourself if it bothers you so much.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Using the kitchen sink to dispose of fecal residue of any kind is a health risk in my opinion.

Cat crap is wonderfully toxic anyway.

It isn't just disrespectful, it's hazardous.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I wash my animal litter in the kitchen sink as well, and afterwards I always clean and bleach the sink. I do the same thing when I cooked raw chicken, I wash it then bleach it. 

Where do you expect her to wash the litter?


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

I agree that it is rather gross to use your kitchen sink. 

But, what are the other options in your accommodation for this cleaning task?
Where would you clean it, and do you take turns?
This might be the only viable option.
And if the tray is already empty and sanitised with cleaning wipes, disinfectant etc, it might just be rinsing an already fairly clean tray.

Maybe you put her on the defensive the first time, if you were aggressive with your views.

I think you both need to find a way to react a bit more calmly, rather than you both feeling hurt and defensive of your positions.

Whether it is disrespectful to your feelings, to clean the tray in the kitchen sink, is hard to judge without knowing your wife's side of this episode, your set up there, or the reason you don't do this task.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

What she is doing is fine, so long as she cleans the sink afterwards. Get a new attitude on the cat cleaning or get rid of the cat. You can also get rid of the wife, but that may be an extreme.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Hmmm, I guess the jury is out on **** where you eat, but for clarity, I take my turn, I use the outside tap and what bothers me more is that she did it again after I asked her not to because I find it highly repulsive and unsanitary


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jamieboy said:


> Hmmm, I guess the jury is out on **** where you eat, but for clarity, I take my turn, I use the outside tap and what bothers me more is that she did it again after I asked her not to because I find it highly repulsive and unsanitary


Do you live in a cold climate? It would be a pain in the ass to have to put my boots on and coat on to rinse out the cat litter. 

Just because you ask her to do something doesn’t mean she is going to do it. There have to be a conversation and she has to agree that she will not do it. It’s not a magic wond that you say something and poof she has to do it.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I would recommend telling her "I am requesting that you use the outside tap or the sink down by the laundry to clean the cat litter box. Cleaning food and pet feces in the same place is not something I can live with. Are you willing to use one of the two alternatives I've suggested?" 

See...you can't "make" her do anything, because if you force her, then you are just being controlling. But in a healthy relationship, you CAN make a request and even tell her what you would find acceptable (the outside tap or the sink by the laundry). You can give her alternatives that WOULD work for you (I mean seriously--maybe in the bath tub and then Comet/bleach it to death!). You can ask her if she would be willing to do that. You can let her know that you can't "live with" washing them in the same place. But since it is a request, she has the freedom to say "No" or to indicate she is not willing to do that. If she does that, ask her what she IS willing to do that does not involve washing the litter box in the kitchen sink. She can tell you her plan. And then if she digs in her heels and refuses to cooperate and won't consider an alternative, then you know that she wants it her way or the highway and you can decide for yourself if this is a relationship or a dictatorship.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jamieboy said:


> Ok so this might seem quite trivial for some, but it was disrespectful in my eyes.
> 
> We have a cat, who now lives indoors due to age. As a result we have a litter tray that she does her business in.
> 
> ...


That's gross.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Animal Planet doesn't recommend the kitchen sink.






This is Animal Planet







www.animalplanet.com


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Jamieboy said:


> Ok so this might seem quite trivial for some, but it was disrespectful in my eyes.
> 
> We have a cat, who now lives indoors due to age. As a result we have a litter tray that she does her business in.
> 
> ...


Just start peeing in the sink, if she complains explain it's not as bad as cat feces.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Jamieboy said:


> Ok so this might seem quite trivial for some, but it was disrespectful in my eyes.
> 
> We have a cat, who now lives indoors due to age. As a result we have a litter tray that she does her business in.
> 
> ...


I agree that cleaning fecal matter in the kitchen sink is very unsanitary. Explain your reasons why(not just cause it is revolting to you). Find reasons why it is not a good idea to wash cat trays in the sink. Your wife should respect that you do not want this poo holder cleaned in the kitchen sink.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Just start peeing in the sink, if she complains explain it's not as bad as cat feces.


FTW


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Is there a bathtub that could be used?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You are right in being concerned about the hygiene and health risk here. However, maybe she was not thinking about it and the wrong thing to do would be to attack her for being disrespectful or anything like that. Very politely and with care explain to her that you would prefer for it not to happen if she doesn't mind and if she does, offer to wash it yourself in future.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm not sure some people understand the distance that bioaerosols can travel just from running the tap over a dinner plate, let alone if you're using the sprayer. Unseen droplets can travel feet away from the point that the water impacts its target. I have found tiny spots of things like spaghetti sauce nearly 2 feet up the wall after a vigorous washing session. Smaller, bacteria/toxin laced droplets could conceivably go even farther. 

I can't imagine introducing anything so foul to a place that is related to food prep. Its just gross. Might as well just train the cat to do its business directly in the kitchen sink. Hell, drop a deuce of your own in there every now and then. You know, as long as your going to clean and disinfect it afterwards...

Honestly, if she is too fragile to take it outside, she could at least do it in the bathtub. There shouldn't be any food coming from there, unless you're Kramer.

You can't force her to stop, but I would hope that she is a reasonable human being and values her health. I'm assuming you freaked out on her a little when you caught her doing it (understandable, IMO) so you may need to apologize for your harshness. Then just have a calm, to the point conversation about your objection. Hopefully she agrees, but if she refuses to modify her cleaning procedure I'd suggest you simply absorb this duty entirely yourself. It really is the only way to be ensure it doesn't happen again.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Everyone’s situation iS different. I only have 2 sinks, bathroom and kitchen. I have better control with the handheld faucet in the kitchen, the sink is deep, and it’s easy to clean and bleach up after. It’s so quick and easy. There is no way I will go out in the cold to rinse my box. There is no way I will do it in the shower and then have the clean the entire shower. So it doesn’t matter what anyone says to me, I will always do it in the kitchen sink unless I get a laundry sink.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> Do you live in a cold climate? It would be a pain in the ass to have to put my boots on and coat on to rinse out the cat litter.
> 
> Just because you ask her to do something doesn’t mean she is going to do it. There have to be a conversation and she has to agree that she will not do it. It’s not a magic wond that you say something and poof she has to do it.


I hate that your default position is i was unreasonable and demanding. 

You don't know how the initial conversation went down. I was reasonable and asked her not to do it where I eat. She agreed not to even though she didn't see my point of view


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jamieboy said:


> I hate that your default position is i was unreasonable and demanding.
> 
> You don't know how the initial conversation went down. I was reasonable and asked her not to do it where I eat. She agreed not to even though she didn't see my point of view


Then when she did it again, did you ask her why she did it when she said she wouldn’t? It’s not that big of a deal. You need to have a conversation with her.

It seems that she is like me, and it’s the most convenient and easy way to do it. All you can do is talk to her about it and come to an agreement.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Everyone’s situation iS different. I only have 2 sinks, bathroom and kitchen. I have better control with the handheld faucet in the kitchen, the sink is deep, and it’s easy to clean and bleach up after. It’s so quick and easy. There is no way I will go out in the cold to rinse my box. There is no way I will do it in the shower and then have the clean the entire shower. So it doesn’t matter what anyone says to me, I will always do it in the kitchen sink unless I get a laundry sink.


Agree with you 100%. In a time of covid, we’re worried about cat piss in the sink? I have to assume the sink gets washed afterwards. Is the cat rabid? Oh boy. There is so much other stuff going on in a marriage than to argue over this. Maybe it’s just me?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

If the OP is that grossed out about it, and his position is that strong he should clearly take over that chore 100% of the time. 
Our partners don’t always do things the way we do them or the way we want them to. If it’s unlivable, then you have to take over that chore. And when the cat dies, don’t get another one!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Then when she did it again, did you ask her why she did it when she said she wouldn’t? It’s not that big of a deal. You need to have a conversation with her.
> 
> It seems that she is like me, and it’s the most convenient and easy way to do it. All you can do is talk to her about it and come to an agreement.


Is she like you?

She has alternatives and she is living with her husband.

If I'm recalling correctly, you aren't married?

Regardless, your opinion is fine for how it affects you alone but facts about health risks are real here.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Is she like you?
> 
> She has alternatives and she is living with her husband.
> 
> ...


No offense but some people are so extra. It’s not that serious. I’ve been doing this for 20 years. I’m sure our parents and grandparents have done worse. 
It’s so annoying when people make mountains out of mole hills, it’s exhausting. If he doesn’t like it, he can do it however he wants to. Problem solved. I swear some people just love the drama.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> Agree with you 100%. In a time of covid, we’re worried about cat piss in the sink? I have to assume the sink gets washed afterwards. Is the cat rabid? Oh boy. There is so much other stuff going on in a marriage than to argue over this. Maybe it’s just me?


Risking fecal contamination is provably a worse threat of your health inside your home over covid.

What are you even comparing?

Spraying cat feces and urine where you could risk ingestion is somehow offset by covid?

What are the dangers of covid in this situation?

Good gravy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> No offense but some people are so extra. It’s not that serious. I’ve been doing this for 20 years. I’m sure our parents and grandparents have done worse.
> It’s so annoying when people make mountains out of mole hills, it’s exhausting. If he doesn’t like it, he can do it however he wants to. Problem solved. I swear some people just love the drama.


You absolutely bypassed the two points I made.

His wife has other options and a husband.

You might not have to work with anyone unless you have a roommate?


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

RebuildingMe said:


> Agree with you 100%. In a time of covid, we’re worried about cat piss in the sink? I have to assume the sink gets washed afterwards. Is the cat rabid? Oh boy. There is so much other stuff going on in a marriage than to argue over this. Maybe it’s just me?


Cat piss and poo...."Cat urine and feces are definitely dangerous for you. Cat feces can trigger a severe human disease called toxoplasmosis. In the first several weeks, exposure to the parasite referred as Toxoplasma gondii can trigger flu-like signs. Once the parasite grows, a range of other neurological diseases, damaging consequences such as brain inflammation, and effects on the heart, liver, eyes and ears may also occur."
How Cat Urine and Feces Can Affect your Health

Clean the box somewhere else. That is not to hard of a request is it?


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I’m sure our parents and grandparents have done worse.


Presumption based on what exactly?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> You absolutely bypassed the two points I made.
> 
> His wife has other options and a husband.
> 
> You might not have to work with anyone unless you have a roommate?


I asked him if it’s cold where he is and he didn’t reply. I guess you didnt read that I will choose the kitchen sink over going outside in the cold and I would rather bleach a kitchen sink then a whole bathroom.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> I asked him if it’s cold where he is and he didn’t reply. I guess you didnt read that I will choose the kitchen sink over going outside in the cold and I would rather bleach a kitchen sink then a whole bathroom.


Its sometimes cold yes, but being cold for 5 minutes is preferable to eating cat ****.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jamieboy said:


> Its sometimes cold yes, but being cold for 5 minutes is preferable to eating cat ****.


She clearly would rather choose to do it in the sink. So why are we still talking about this?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

No one is going to change anyone’s minds over this. And it doesn’t really matter. He needs to talk to his wife and find a solution they both can live with.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Disgusting. 

Why not wash the dishes in the toilet?? 

Cat urine and pooh in the kitchen sink, I want to vomit.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Luckylucky said:


> Disgusting.
> 
> Why not wash the dishes in the toilet??
> 
> Cat urine and pooh in the kitchen sink, I want to vomit.


What’s the difference between a dirty cat box with nothing in it and raw chicken?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Risking fecal contamination is provably a worse threat of your health inside your home over covid.
> 
> What are you even comparing?
> 
> ...


My point was is you can get sick leaving your house and going shopping. Thousands getting sick daily. Worrying about cat piss in the sink seems to pale in comparison. Obviously I’m not trying to make a medical connection between cats and covid. Really? OP should pick and choose his battles, IMO. He came on here asking if he was being unreasonable but he doesn’t want to hear from anyone who thinks he is.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Pets are disgusting. They don’t use toilets and showers. They make a mess when they eat and sometimes they crap and piss on the floor. They need constant care and cleaning. Some people should be pet owners.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> Pets are disgusting. They don’t use toilets and showers. They make a mess when they eat and sometimes they crap and piss on the floor. They need constant care and cleaning. Some people should be pet owners.


Same thing with kids


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> What’s the difference between a dirty cat box with nothing in it and raw chicken?


I’m not even going to explain the difference between urine, faeces and raw chicken. 

Was that your question?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Luckylucky said:


> I’m not even going to explain the difference between urine, faeces and raw chicken.
> 
> Was that your question?


Please tell me the difference In regards to it being In your sink.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Toxoplasmosis - Symptoms and causes







www.mayoclinic.org





End of story.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Trident said:


> Toxoplasmosis - Symptoms and causes
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Washing a cat box is a thing? You don’t use clumping litter? I have owned and own cats for a long time and have never washed out a box. I just replace them periodically (every couple years) and the trash for it (get one that locks and seals like litter genie).

If you have long haired cats or a “low pee-r” I mix clumping with long hair crystals until the cat stops pissing itself (enough surface drainage) but still clumps.

As for your actual question cleaning cat boxes in the kitchen sink is gross. Throw them out or use a hose outside.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> What’s the difference between a dirty cat box with nothing in it and raw chicken?


Well first, if the box is dirty there is clearly something in it.

Second, most salmonella bacteria can survive a maximum of 4 hours on surfaces. Some rare strains can last up to 5 days.

The oocysts that cause toxoplasmosis can survive for months on a surface and ingestion of the parasite greatly increases the chance of infection. Chicken is prepared in the kitchen for human consumption. It has inherent risks of not handled properly but we must eat, after all. Cat waste has inherent risks if not handled properly, but there i no reason I can conceive that we must consume it.

I find it curious that you are so vigorously defending a practice that would get any restaurant shut down in a New York minute. Be honest, if you found out that your favorite bistro was washing dirty cat boxes in the same sink they use to prepare food and wash dishes/utensils, would you still eat there?

Ultimately, he is reviled by this activity. They are a married couple and (theoretically) care about each other's feelings. It is more than reasonable for him to ask her to refrain from doing it. Just like so many women wish for their husbands to put the toilet seat down. It's simple respect. He cannot force her so he must be prepared to do the job himself, but that doesn't make the request in any way unreasonable.

I have no issue making reasonable sacrifices for my wife's happiness. The lack of a spirit of generosity and respect in a marriage typically dooms it in the long run.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

zookeeper said:


> Well first, if the box is dirty there is clearly something in it.
> 
> Second, most salmonella bacteria can survive a maximum of 4 hours on surfaces. Some rare strains can last up to 5 days.
> 
> ...


I never said it was unreasonable. I’m saying that I wouldn’t change what I did if I was asked to. 
He already asked her, and she kept doing it.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

For the record, I’ve never had a cat in my life. 
But I do have a rabbit that I clean her litter box out weekly. 
I always wash my trail running shoes in the sink. 
I clean the sink when I’m done and bleach it well, so to me, it’s not a problem.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Trident said:


> Toxoplasmosis - Symptoms and causes
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That is only one risk cat poopoo poses to chickens and humans.









Cats + Chickens = Toxoplasmosis in Humans? - Backyard Poultry


If you have cats and are raising meat chickens, be aware of the potential dangers of toxoplasmosis in humans. Anyone who has had chickens for more than a few minutes becomes aware of the devastating protozoal disease coccidiosis, which happens wherever chickens are.




backyardpoultry.iamcountryside.com


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It doesn't matter where as long as you clean and sanitize afterwards. Sinks are made to be easily cleaned and not porous to hold onto things. If she doesn't sanitize afterward, then I'd have a problem, whether it was there or the bathtub. Probably the most unhealthy dangerous thing that ends up in a kitchen sink is poultry.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Jamieboy said:


> Ok so this might seem quite trivial for some, but it was disrespectful in my eyes.
> 
> We have a cat, who now lives indoors due to age. As a result we have a litter tray that she does her business in.
> 
> ...


Hell no! Carry on.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Please tell me the difference In regards to it being In your sink.


No, I don’t have to explain the difference here. You can do some research if you have the time, enjoy.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Use a plastic bag as a liner for the pan and it won't need to be washed. When you pull the pan out, the bag can be pulled over the litter encompassing it and tied up for disposal. No hands touching anything. Still, wash your hands afterwards.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, your wife clearly feels differently about this issue. She also doesn't seem to have changed her opinion to align with yours. Whether you think what she's doing is disgusting or not, she clearly doesn't agree with you and so hasn't altered her behavior to cater to your thoughts on this topic. 

You can continue arguing with her about it, and trying to either educate her as to why you're right and she's wrong or trying to make her comply with your wants. Or, you can change to a tactic that isn't nearly as likely to cause further anger, frustration and hurt feelings, and won't work to erode the love in your marriage. 

Have a calm conversation to see if you two can come to some _agreement_ that works for _both_ of you. That may mean you take over all litter duties. It might mean that you continue taking turns scooping but that you take over when it's time to wash the box. It might mean that you two change to a different litter solution. 

We currently use an automatic litter box - ScoopFree - that uses litter "cartridges" that get changed out every 4-5 weeks. There's no box to clean, really. 

In my last house, I had a Cat Genie for years. Expensive. _Worth it_.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> What’s the difference between a dirty cat box with nothing in it and raw chicken?


The raw chicken did not pass through a colon before purchase.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Use a plastic bag as a liner for the pan and it won't need to be washed. When you pull the pan out, the bag can be pulled over the litter encompassing it and tied up for disposal. No hands touching anything. Still, wash your hands afterwards.


FTW


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Why not get rid of the litterbox all together and let the cat do it's business in the sink?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

This particular problem can be easily solved by technology.

The worse problem is that you and your wife have different hygiene standards. I gradually learned to accept my wife’s pack rat tendencies. Every now and then it still bothers me but I just suck it up.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> This particular problem can be easily solved by technology.
> 
> The worse problem is that you and your wife have different hygiene standards. I gradually learned to accept my wife’s pack rat tendencies. Every now and then it still bothers me but I just suck it up.


Pack rat tendencies are a different ball game than rinsing a litter box in a kitchen sink--something that could make you very very sick.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It doesn't matter where as long as you clean and sanitize afterwards. Sinks are made to be easily cleaned and not porous to hold onto things. If she doesn't sanitize afterward, then I'd have a problem, whether it was there or the bathtub. Probably the most unhealthy dangerous thing that ends up in a kitchen sink is poultry.


This probably true unless you clean a litter box in the sink then chicken moves to a distant second place.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Pack rat tendencies are a different ball game than rinsing a litter box in a kitchen sink--something that could make you very very sick.


Hey I wouldn’t do it. I think both things are gross. As for the specific example of litter box in the sink this thread contains many technological solutions.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

That is completely gross. I had no idea there were people who didn't find that completely unhygienic and repellant.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Pretty sure most people's kitchen sinks are full of covid germs the past year.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Line the tray with newspaper and you won't need to wash it (we have 5 cats). I agree that washing the tray in the sink is less than optimal, to use a euphemism...


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Pretty sure most people's kitchen sinks are full of covid germs the past year.


What would make you think COVID is in anyone sink?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> What would make you think COVID is in anyone sink?


Because they're supposed to be washing their vegetables and anything else they can including their hands.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Because they're supposed to be washing their vegetables and anything else they can including their hands.


In reality all should be using 62% or better alcohol content sanitizers for their hands. I'm thinking most if not all people wash their produce before use(some crappy restaurants don't from my experience) after washing their hands.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> In reality all should be using 62% or better alcohol content sanitizers for their hands. I'm thinking most if not all people wash their produce before use(some crappy restaurants don't from my experience) after washing their hands.


CDC just recommends using soap on your hands and lathering it off. It's the lather that's important and you have to leave it on long enough to let it do its work. I've been doing 25 to 30 seconds this whole time. And I'm using whatever soap lathers well. A lot of times I'm using Dawn. And you're supposed to pay particular attention to under your fingernails and any crevices of course.

Neither alcohol nor antiseptic wipes nor Lysol has been very available throughout all this anyway.

I clean my sink and countertops mainly with cleaner that has bleach in it.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> CDC just recommends using soap on your hands and lathering it off. It's the lather that's important and you have to leave it on long enough to let it do its work. I've been doing 25 to 30 seconds this whole time. And I'm using whatever soap lathers well. A lot of times I'm using Dawn. And you're supposed to pay particular attention to under your fingernails and any crevices of course.


As I understand it the COVID is surrounded by a layer of fat. Alcohol(62% or higher concentrat, hot water and soap remove this layer thus permitted the virus to decompose(it is not a living organism).


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Yes. 90 percent alcohol doesn't even work on it, though. Has to be 62 to 80 percent or it doesn't get to that core. Soap and water floats it off there, the bubbles, left on long enough to get to it all.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes. 90 percent alcohol doesn't even work on it, though. Has to be 62 to 80 percent or it doesn't get to that core. Soap and water floats it off there, the bubbles, left on long enough to get to it all.


Well I tell ya, the hand washing(sanitizing) and cleanliness is something my family has always practiced. This is all second nature.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> What’s the difference between a dirty cat box with nothing in it and raw chicken?


If you do not know this. You need to educate yourself on the matter. As a professional Microbiologist, I can most hearty tell you: why do you want to take the risk of not knowing what the difference between a dirty cat litter with nothing in it and a piece of raw chicken.

The answer is: even though visually the washing of an empty cat litter box might look disgusting to some and not to others, the problem with it is the sanitization process of the sink and the sink areas where the litter box was cleaned. Correctly done is no a problem (regardless of how it looks visually), but most people I know don't have the correct training for sanitization that ensures that all harmful bacteria are eliminated; therefore risking getting food being prepare around the kitchen sink contaminated. Raw chicken in the other hand, if it is not contaminated with high levels of skin or any level of fecal matter, or the level of contamination is within low levels of skin bacteria nothing will happens (you can't get nothing out nothing). As a matter of fact, if that piece of chicken is not contaminated with a parasite or a pathogen, you can eat it raw; on the other hand, I don't think it would be wise (healthwise) to lick that litter tray. That's the difference.

Bottom line is: it is a good sanitary practice to separate washing areas for containers with fecal residues, and where you prepare food/clean your dishes.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Nailhead said:


> The raw chicken did not pass through a colon before purchase.


That doesn’t bother me at all. My rabbit poop is the best plant fertilizer there is.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I want to know how often the OP and his wife rinse the cat box and maybe they should consider skipping this step. All the cat people in my life that I’ve asked said they don’t rinse the box.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> Well I tell ya, the hand washing(sanitizing) and cleanliness is something my family has always practiced. This is all second nature.


Before covid, I avoided using antibacterial soaps on the advice of doctors because it messes up your immunity in that regard. I am still not using antibacterial soap because it won't do anything for covid anyway, but all the santizers for cleaning have that antibacterial stuff in them and some antiviral too. Before covid, I used mainly windex or sometimes Fantastik on the sink and counters/stove. Now I use bleach more. Because you can't get Fantastik very often. It's pretty good.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I’m a 409 man myself but I also have been known to dabble in Windex.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I want to know how often the OP and his wife rinse the cat box and maybe they should consider skipping this step. All the cat people in my life that I’ve asked said they don’t rinse the box.


Our daughter would do a complete cleaning once a month(just scoop and dump inbtwe


DownByTheRiver said:


> Before covid, I avoided using antibacterial soaps on the advice of doctors because it messes up your immunity in that regard. I am still not using antibacterial soap because it won't do anything for covid anyway, but all the santizers for cleaning have that antibacterial stuff in them and some antiviral too. Before covid, I used mainly windex or sometimes Fantastik on the sink and counters/stove. Now I use bleach more. Because you can't get Fantastik very often. It's pretty good.


Clorox wipes are my W go to. At the end of the day, wash hands and keep away from one's face with uncleansed hands.

What I find concerning is restaurants menus. Everyone touches, reads, orders but go not sanitize their hands after all of this.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Ok, thanks for your opinions, despite a few nay sayers, it seems the general consensus is its f***ing gross.

My boundary was explained to my wife that I could not share a house with someone who washed cat poo in a food preparation area.

I asked that she respect that, she has done so up to now.

Reference another thread, did I inform my wife of my boundary or did I offer up an ultimatum 🤔


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Jamieboy said:


> Ok, thanks for your opinions, despite a few nay sayers, it seems the general consensus is its f***ing gross.
> 
> My boundary was explained to my wife that I could not share a house with someone who washed cat poo in a food preparation area.
> 
> ...


I would say that you did both.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What changed? Why did she suddenly start disrespecting your wishes?


Jamieboy said:


> I asked that she respect that, she has done so up to now.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Use a plastic bag as a liner for the pan and it won't need to be washed. When you pull the pan out, the bag can be pulled over the litter encompassing it and tied up for disposal. No hands touching anything. Still, wash your hands afterwards.


Then wipe the tray out with disinfectant. It need never come near a sink or .....bathtub.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Not everyone can wash with alcohol. Cancer drugs ravage my hand and fingernails/ Thankfully, I've held on to them. I carry soap with me in case I need to wash my hands when I'm out.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> What changed? Why did she suddenly start disrespecting your wishes?


Not really, I just started enforcing my boundaries, I was sick of being a nice guy and not getting my needs met, although truthfully im still learning, hence the question. Its a learning process, and im not sure if im enforcing a boundary or just being a ****


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Keep in mind, OP, that it's not really a boundary unless you're willing to enforce it.

"I could not share a house with someone who washed cat poo in a food preparation area" is a very distinct boundary statement. The problem is that the only recourse left to you if she violates this boundary is to immediately start taking steps to no longer share a house with her. Because if you don't, then you haven't stated a boundary at all. All you've done is make a complaint in a manner that's nearly guaranteed to result in an unfavorable-to-the-marriage outcome. 

Is this a marriage-ending issue for you?

If it's not, then it might have been better to give yourself some leeway. "I'm not okay with the litter box being washed in a food preparation area," followed by a conversation about some alternatives you _are_ okay with.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Can you just tell her not to do the cat boxes anymore and you will do it from now on? If you have a hardline position on something like this and she doesn't seem to care, the easiest solution is to take over that chore. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Rowan said:


> Keep in mind, OP, that it's not really a boundary unless you're willing to enforce it.
> 
> "I could not share a house with someone who washed cat poo in a food preparation area" is a very distinct boundary statement. The problem is that the only recourse left to you if she violates this boundary is to immediately start taking steps to no longer share a house with her. Because if you don't, then you haven't stated a boundary at all. All you've done is make a complaint in a manner that's nearly guaranteed to result in an unfavorable-to-the-marriage outcome.
> 
> ...


I paraphrased the conversation of course. There was no mention of leaving, but I went to great lengths to explain how repulsive I find it and not just for me but my children too.

She tried to minimise my feelings, telling me I was making a fuss over nothing. Eventually she said OK I wont, but the did when she thought I wasn't going to find out.

When we had the second discussion,

I asked would she be happy for me to sleep with other women if she didn't find out. After that penny dropped


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How long do you reckon she was cleaning it in the sink? Weeks, months, years?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Gak!


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Jamieboy said:


> Ok, thanks for your opinions, despite a few nay sayers, it *seems the general consensus is its f***ing gross.*


Yup. 

Btw, if the raw chicken you're buying is the equivalent to the contents of a litter box, please reconsider where you buy your groceries (ie. stay away from wet markets)


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> How long do you reckon she was cleaning it in the sink? Weeks, months, years?


Weeks, the cats not well, hence now an indoor cat


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Gak!


Yes. OP do you know how lucky you are none of you got sick?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I think that using the kitchen sink is gross too, even if it is bleached afterwards. Little droplets of cat-mess-water undoubtedly splash outside of the sink, on the counter, backslash, etc. The tub is large enough to contain all those splashes, and no one eats by the tub anyway.

In the summer I take it outside and wash it with a hose and toilet scrubber.

But....If you aren't willing to pitch in and wash it yourself from time to time, you have no right to dictated how she does it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Jamieboy said:


> I paraphrased the conversation of course. There was no mention of leaving, but I went to great lengths to explain how repulsive I find it and not just for me but my children too.
> 
> She tried to minimise my feelings, telling me I was making a fuss over nothing. Eventually she said OK I wont, but the did when she thought I wasn't going to find out.
> 
> ...


This is like using an elephant gun to kill a mouse. Now, that thought is in her head...i.e. if I don't do exactly what he says he'll cheat on me. Save the catastrophizing for bigger hills.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Yes, I agree with you it is disgusting! It is like using the toilet brush to clean the kitchen sink, same thing. Your wife really doesn't have a clue.
Clean the tray in the bathroom where all the other business goes on.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

my wife does stuff like that too.
she will take a vase that had dead flowers in it, pour out the moldy slime water, and run it thru the dishwasher with out other dishes!

eeeeewwww. Its either that she does not understand, or is deliberately forgetting, cause i catch her still doing stuff like that.

Finding her cleaning the litter box in my sink....i personally would get rid of the cat and solve it that way. get something smart enough to go OUTSIDE to poo for a pet.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Id get rid of the cat.... Cats are of the devil. Put that critter outside where it goes.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Forget about the cat litter for a moment, if you can. The issue is this: _I told my partner there's something they do that I really hate, and they just kept doing it. _That's a problem. Doesn't matter what any of us happens to think about the right way to clean a litter tray.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Laurentium said:


> Forget about the cat litter for a moment, if you can. The issue is this: _I told my partner there's something they do that I really hate, and they just kept doing it. _That's a problem. Doesn't matter what any of us happens to think about the right way to clean a litter tray.


Think it depends - are there a lot of things like this that you don't like that your partner does? If so and you nitpick every single one, then I would stop doing that. But if this is the exception and it really, really bothers you and you expressed that then I agree - it's a problem that she is still doing it. Do you think she understood that you really hate it?


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> Forget about the cat litter for a moment, if you can. The issue is this: _I told my partner there's something they do that I really hate, and they just kept doing it. _That's a problem. Doesn't matter what any of us happens to think about the right way to clean a litter tray.


Thank you for this, yes it was this that was the problem. I don't nit pick and never did, there are some things that she did (past tense) But I think we are making headway in our relationship.

She has since stopped doing it, which I appreciate, because I feel she now respects me more. 

I was, for a long time, a nice guy, as defined in the book. My problem was I was never willing to enforce my boundaries due to fear of abandonment, but im recovering. As the book describes it. 

However, im also conscious that it would be easy to go too far and so im here hoping for an external opinion, to help me navigate my transition. 

So thank you to all those who took the time to answer, its appreciated.


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