# Dear Sugar podcast about "Sexless Marriages" with Esther Perel



## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Dear Sugars podcast about Sexless Marriage with Esther Perel
https://player.fm/series/dear-sugars/sexless-relationships-part-1-with-esther-perel

podcast
https://dfkfj8j276wwv.cloudfront.ne...0df30adb1c/20170907_DS_ESTHER_PEREL_JR_v2.mp3


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Here are some of the points of the podcast:

Love vs Desire (From "Dear Sugar" podcast)

How do people experience love (care of other)?
How do people experience desire (erotica)?

How were you loved in your family or origin (FOO)?
How was love expressed in your FOO or peer group?

Was it OK to feel more than family love or was feeling more (erotica) looked down upon?

Were you permitted to indulge in something you liked or where you restricted?

Was there some abundances or was there usually scarcity in your FOO?

The person that withdraws from love/eroticism usually feels bad and so bad they don't have the ability to empathize with the partner they are denying.

Sometimes the more a person depends or needs/desires their partner, fearing they will offend the partner or be judged by the partner, the typical insinuator scales back on their ability to explore eroticism or cuts back on past erotic behaviors.

Three personality types: 
Type 1 pushes the boundaries but plays it safe, they give up part of them self to be included in the grouping. 
Type 2 pushes boundaries, explores but appreciates support. 
Type 3 if not supported goes his or her own way and exits the relationship.

Esther Perel suggested men are the sexual avoiders in 60% of the cases she sees. Maybe this thread belongs on the Women's sex starved thread.

Esther Perel suggested there is often little hope things will get better, that a lot of the men that avoid sex are really good caring men, love their W but have too difficult of a time to be sexually satisfying for the W.

She mentions cases where the "no sex" (no erotic or emotional bonding) thing was going on for 25 years.


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