# Husband is very angry on me, but why?



## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

Hello, several days i discovered my husband's secret hobby which was frequenting Erotic massage places, where he was getting a shower and a nude massage with extra services from those poor women. I told him that's it. I told him that if he would ever do that it would be the end of our marriage, because i find it disgusting and would not be able to get over it. I told him i am filing for divorce and he jumped and started blaming me for not being able to forget and forgive. How can i forgive years of cheating? this was not just a one night stand. And not just that but when i think of what he was doing with those poor girls i get shivers. I moved out and i am currently living with my parents. What can't he understand? he knew this would happen so why?


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

Most cheaters get angry or resentful when you burst their "love" bubbles.

Take no notice. Move on.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

It's called blame shifting

Totally within your realm of laying that boundary... you called that behavior unacceptable... end of story. It is not a behavior you are willing to live with or participate.

He is abusing the concept behind "forgive and forget"... 

Reconciliation involves repentance which is a 180 turn from unacceptable behavior.

He needs a hard dose of reality...


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

His abuse of "forgive and forget" is an attempt to control you.

When someone uses "Fear, Obligation or Guilt" in order to control you it is called Emotional Blackmail and is abusive.

There is a book called Emotional Blackmail that would help you keep your head above water on this one if you felt you needed it.

Also.. the Out of the Fog website, defines various abusive behaviors.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is a standard reaction from someone who has cheated on their spouse.

It is not uncommon at all.


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> This is a standard reaction from someone who has cheated on their spouse.
> 
> It is not uncommon at all.



But he knew what will happen if i will find out, so it's kind of pathetic...


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Pattiroxxi said:


> But he knew what will happen if i will find out, so it's kind of pathetic...


His priorities are clear.

You need to no longer concern yourself with why he's angry or why he reacts the way he does.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

In 1979 I was stationed overseas with the military. My supervisor was stealing mail and selling it on the black market. Everything came through the mail system, so if you ordered bluejeans from say Sears, they came in the mail. We could get $80 to $100 for a pair of Levi's or Wrangler's on the black market. During the court's martial, it was determined that my supervisor had stolen about $300,000 worth of merchandise and made about 2 million dollars.

I was the one who started the investigation, reported my boss, and was the key witness.

After he was sentenced (he got several years in military prison), no one in our postal operation would talk to me, except my two new supervisors. There were around 9 of us and not a single one would talk to me for the rest of the time I was stationed there, because I was the "stitch". Fortunately I had other friends and the command and military police were extra friendly to me after the event and some called me their hero for speaking up.

I say all that to say that there are folks that are just morally corrupt. You point out their faults and hold them accountable and they freak.

Since he is angry that you won't forgive him or forget what happened, it shows immaturity on his part. You did nothing more then tell him what the consequences of his actions are and he freaks.

I would suggest you don't try to figure this out. In most cases you will not be able to figure it out.


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