# husband addicted to computer games.



## Ashe (Apr 11, 2011)

We've been together for 8yrs and married for 6.

2 years ago he was addicted badly to world of warcraft computer game to the point that when it came to him choosing between his wife and kids or the game, he chose the game stating "his online friends were more of a family"

Needless to say I had him move out and for 6 months he stayed out until he could show me that he could do without computer games completely. He moved back in and he swore off any games to keep his family.

I have caught him on a video game and asked him about it- he denies it. Then after fighting for days he still denying it he finally said yes, but only to chat with friends. I don't believe/trust him.

I have assumed he is continuing playing games and he denies everything.

Today while checking his email for something I'm expecting thats important I see that hes playing yet another game.

This bothers me so much. I have asked him what makes him needs these games so much that he would risk his children and family life for them...and he can't even look at me.

I have checked his moms paypal account and she knows about his game playing- and KNOWS about how destructive it is for our family. He gets addicted to these things so much it gets in the way of everything. She is paying for 3 different accounts for my husband. 

I just don't understand wht makes these games so important to him. 

I was a gamer until my first born arrived. My family is much more important than any game. I played them for years and my husband and I were a team actually making profit off our games.

We have 2 kids and one on the way, our time for games was in our childhood years. It needs to end...and he won't let it go.

I don't know what else to do to get through to him.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Have you gone to counseling?


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## JeffX (Oct 13, 2010)

I'd try the counseling as their is a reason why he's playing those games. Especially with that comment that they are more of a family. That is a red flag right there.


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

I play video games. I have always played video games and I was 13 when Atari came out with Pong! I have seen the evolution of game systems and games and I was right-there playing and having fun with them the whole time. I understand how many hours can be spent on gaming if left unchecked. I have gone through phases where I played a few hours every day, and others where I went months without playing anything at all. I hesitate to use the word addiction, although in your husband's case, his behavior certainly would suggest he is addicted. 

Your husband is compulsively playing computer games at the expense of taking care of other responsibilities and spending time with his family. At this point, does it really matter that he is playing computer games? Any activity that causes me to disengage my family, neglect my wife and leave responsibilities unmet is a problem. Whether it's food, or alcohol, or golf, I am not living a loving, balanced life if I let such activities override my priorities.

I would suggest setting aside a set amount of time each day or week where he can play. Set boundaries such as no online play (since that seems to be a sensitive issue with you) and no chatting. Let him know that you aren't trying to dictate his hobbies (and video gaming is a pretty harmless and inexpensive hobby when compared to other activities he could be compulsive about!), but you do want more of his time and his attention. Being nice about it and approaching this from a loving perspective should help a great deal...and don't try to talk to him about this while he is playing.

I have rules for my gaming. Rules I set myself and that I abide by on my own. I play when my wife is out of the house, when she is looking at a magazine in the same room, when she is watching Oprah, and a few other times. This sounds ridiculous to a non-gamer, but video games are very fun for me and if I don't have boundaries, the time requirement for some games will cut into time that I should be spending on other activities. So I monitor my time. My wife actually likes sitting in the same room with me while she reads a magazine or book and I play. I don't play online games, however, so I am not talking to other people.


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## Ashe (Apr 11, 2011)

luckyman said:


> I play video games. I have always played video games and I was 13 when Atari came out with Pong! I have seen the evolution of game systems and games and I was right-there playing and having fun with them the whole time. I understand how many hours can be spent on gaming if left unchecked. I have gone through phases where I played a few hours every day, and others where I went months without playing anything at all. I hesitate to use the word addiction, although in your husband's case, his behavior certainly would suggest he is addicted.
> 
> Your husband is compulsively playing computer games at the expense of taking care of other responsibilities and spending time with his family. At this point, does it really matter that he is playing computer games? Any activity that causes me to disengage my family, neglect my wife and leave responsibilities unmet is a problem. Whether it's food, or alcohol, or golf, I am not living a loving, balanced life if I let such activities override my priorities.
> 
> ...


Him talking to other people does not bother me. We have tried for years to find the perfect boundaries that are great for both the family and my husband. He abuses his time, making it longer and longer and saying things like "I have to be home at this time to do this quest" and that will take 3hrs. He will talk about nothing but his game to me, it's as if he can't think of anything else to say. He gets completely withdrawn from everything.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

I don't think setting rules for the game will help. I don't think the problem is the game, I think the problem is your husband. He is addicted to this game and using it as an excuse to not meet his responsibilities. If it wasn't this particular game that he was addicted to then it would probably be something else. Some people are just like that. The only thing I can suggest is counseling. And you standing strong and saying 'no more, be a husband and father or leave'.


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