# Need female insight :)



## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Since my marriage began to unravel I started a blog about the whole ordeal. We are now separated and have little contact with each other. Recently I learned that I can track who views my blog with what browser and operating system. Since my wife uses her iPhone nearly 80% of the time to surf the web (and I don't know anyone else that would follow my blog so closely) I can see she accesses the blog often. 

My question to all you dear ladies is why would she be so interested? It does reference her from time to time, but accessing it 3 to 4 times a day? 13 times yesterday. It's been more since she's out of town without access to computer. But still...

Im trying not to think it's because she cares. She's made it quite clear that she's done with our marriage and says so to anyone that asks. Any ideas?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriedyoung (Dec 23, 2010)

She could be checking up to see if you're seeing another woman? Maybe hoping that you're crumbling without her, or the opposite, checking that you're okay after the seperation. She might be watching for comments on the blog that reference her too.
Do you mind her viewing?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Don't ask women about women lol.

You have to ignore what they say and focus on what they do. She's saying that she isn't interested in you, but her actions very clearly show that she is fixated on you.

Perhaps start reading my blog. Added yours to my feed reader.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

What's your blog?

Mines pretty raw. I expose a great of my history in it and it's not too pretty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

marriedyoung said:


> She could be checking up to see if you're seeing another woman? Maybe hoping that you're crumbling without her, or the opposite, checking that you're okay after the seperation. She might be watching for comments on the blog that reference her too.
> Do you mind her viewing?


Naw I don't mind her reading. I'm just confused why so much? Today so far is 10 times by an iPhone. She has 3 people she knows that have iPhones and I'm certain they may have read through it, but I know them and I don't see them accessing my blog everyday over a half dozen times...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Anybody here using an iPhone? Because it just spiked to 22 hits today lol. This is going to throw my powers of deductions out the window 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Don't listen to anyone who would tell you that she's reading b/c she cares. That's a maybe, maybe not scenario. Could be she's just flat out nosey and wants to know what you're writing about, especially if she sees her name in there. 

And by all means, if you want to know about women, ask a man. They know EVERYTHING.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

LOL. If that were the case I wouldn't be here 

Nosey I can understand for that she is - this I do know. But accessing the same blog numerous times a day seems a bit excessive. One post a day is the norm for me. Twice maybe. Any more is very rare. My entries get too lengthy. It's not like I have allot of followers to leave many comments. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Maybe it's the fact that it IS a lengthy blog that has piqued her interest. And I wasn't referring to you as knowing everything. Those that do, know who they are. They're only too happy to tell you so. That's why I stay out of the Men's room. 

But really..there really isn't any way of knowing for sure if she's just being curious, or if there might be a little something there. I personalized this, and if my ex had written a blog, I'd have checked it repeatedly. But there were a lot of reasons for me to do so. And I sure didn't feel anything for him anymore. 
Are you brave enough to ASK her why she visits your blog so much? Just to see what she says? (I'm really not trying to imply that you're not a brave man...but it would take courage to ask an almost ex this kind of question, imho) Then again, she'd know you're on to her if you asked her about it. What to do, what to do?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Remove your blog, get a new one that she would never know, so she can't read it and make it a topic to laugh about with friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Remove your blog, get a new one that she would never know, so she can't read it and make it a topic to laugh about with friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, she wouldn't do that. She's a very private woman and she's not really a spiteful one as well. It shows to some degree what pages are being accessed. She's not looking at the bad posts, but mostly the positive ones. If she was accessing certain pages like the "Fond Memories" ones I would have a better idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Btw, she wanted the separation or you? You can read most threads here how women described their husbands when they're either separated or going through divorce.
Very little chance that you will find their comments positive. So your blog is written about her, of course she would check if you back stabbing her. It could be a topic for her to criticise & laugh with her friends.
If she cares about make the marriage work, she would try a much better approach.
So, you might want to remove it and create a new one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThunderBritches (Dec 16, 2010)

JohnR617,

Below are directions for ignoring the misandric trolls that lurk here. They are last word freaks, constantly repeat biting comments and fail to contribute anything substantial, best just ignored.

Click on User CP/Click on Edit Ignore List/Then type in their name and click the Okay button. That's it. 


Take care buddy


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

If you were married for a long time, she definitely still cares. By "caring" you can understand that she's still interested in what's going on with your life. 

If i were in her shoes...hypothetically, i'd check my husband's blog often as well, for starters because i'd need to know how he actually saw things. When people bottle up, they stop telling you things. You rarely find out why things went wrong. You just have to deal with the fact that it went wrong. So having a personal blog of that person at hand, you can find out more about them and what they went through. 

Plus i don't believe year long relationships can just be broken when people chose to divorce. They generally still care about each other, somewhere deep down. They just understand that the marriage doesn't work or something along those lines.

Another scenario might be that she's exceptionally curious about what you'll say about her and whether you'll bad mouth her. Could be other things but i can't think of any others.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I don't think I would be interested in checking my ex's stuff if I am not interested in him. I want to know that he is fine and happy, but I only need to do it once in a while. 

She might still be interested in you, she might still feel for you, she might still be attached to you, she misses you!


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## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

I think that it is likely that she is just interested in seeing if you happen to mention her. Why else would you check so often??


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Well first off - the blog is about me and my failings as a person. This came about... well that's all covered in the blog. Yes, do mention her but not as much as I try to focus on the the things that have made me how I am today. 

Also to answer a question - it was her that wanted and filed for the divorce. 

Like some of you, I wouldn't be the slightest interested in what an ex had to say about me after the fact, but then I'm a guy and I was wanting a more female perspective here to get an objective opinion. 

As I mentioned before, I write about once a day, but even after I post she continues to read it four or more times. That just seems excessive and I was just wondering what other women would take from that. 

Again, thanks for the input everyone it's been helpful and encouraging. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I don't think I would be interested in checking my ex's stuff if I am not interested in him. I want to know that he is fine and happy, but I only need to do it once in a while.
> 
> She might still be interested in you, she might still feel for you, she might still be attached to you, she misses you!


That's what a friend here has told me as well. But she's been quite adamant that she is done with the marriage (I suspect another man, but all thats in the blog) and has often said when I do something for her "that this doesn't change anything". So I'm a bit confused as to why - even today - she's accessed it 5 times already. 24 times total yesterday. 

The blog was designed to help me become a better man. Something I've needed to do so long ago. A chief reason she wants to divorce me, because she's no longer "in love" with me. But again thats all in the blog. lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Hi John, if it were me I'd be interested to read what my (soon to be ex) husband had to say regardless of whether or not I was thinking about getting back with him. I imagine even if I initiated the divorce I'd have moments of nostalgia and second guessing and I'd still have interest in the person himself. Perhaps it is part of her grieving process as well, I do think both partners have to grieve the loss of the marriage once a divorce is in process.

Either way, if the blog works for you then I would focus on that because you need to take care of yourself and not be concerned as much about her if at all possible.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Thanks Trenton. Yes, you're right that should be my focus and it is. The blog has been helpful in reminding me how far I've come to grips with the issues of my past. It's my first blog and it's a constant fear that I'll begin to get off track, which I did only a couple of times, from my personal objective. The goal is to become more self aware of the negative traits I posses and figure out how to change them. Losing my marriage was a big enough jolt to send me on this journey. 

Like you, I may be curious, but I'm not certain you would be peeking 15 times a day... lol

I know I wouldn't. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

Just a thought ... maybe she's "peeking" as you term it and doesn't want others to know that's she's being this nosy and she's getting interrupted so she returns to read more.

Anyway, like I said ... just a thought,
Lost


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

How do you know it's her? Just because it's an iphone user? Maybe it's just random people on iphones and you are hoping it's her because you want her to be reading it or thinking about you or something...


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Crazytown said:


> How do you know it's her? Just because it's an iphone user? Maybe it's just random people on iphones and you are hoping it's her because you want her to be reading it or thinking about you or something...


I've thought about this and I wonder, would that many iPhone users be peeking at my blog? As much as I feel it's important to me, I can't see it being that important to a segment of users. iPhone access makes up for 47% of the total viewers that have accessed my blog from the beginning. 

But you may be right. Who knows? lol

Btw, since September it's received nearly 3000 hits. I have it set not to acknowledge my iPhone or computer access. So nearly half the views recorded were iPhone users. Maybe I'm an underground hit in the Macworld lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I have a different take John. You suspect she left for somebody else. Perhaps she is unhappy with her choice and seeing what you are writing to see if maybe there is a "back in" with you. I think she realized that the grass isn't greener.
Just my two cents.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Thanks for the insight everyone. Guess I'll just carry on as usual and let her do what she will. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Brennan said:


> I have a different take John. You suspect she left for somebody else. Perhaps she is unhappy with her choice and seeing what you are writing to see if maybe there is a "back in" with you. I think she realized that the grass isn't greener.
> Just my two cents.


I was thinking about the same thing! 

Maybe now she regrets what she had done, she is looking to see if she has any chance to come back! 

Very often people didn't realize the value of what they had until they lost it!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> Very often people didn't realize the value of what they had until they lost it!



So true!! Just like the song YouTube - Cinderella - Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> So true!! Just like the song YouTube - Cinderella - Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)


A powerful song!!! Like it!!!


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I was thinking about the same thing!
> 
> Maybe now she regrets what she had done, she is looking to see if she has any chance to come back!
> 
> Very often people didn't realize the value of what they had until they lost it!


Heres a thought. Maybe I need a blog coach? Someone to advise me on what topics I should address and not wallow into some sort of self pity party. 

Not looking to manipulate my blog but help concentrate on more positive aspects. Like today's entry I covered our first date, or my perspective of it. Now I wonder if she'll see that as a sad attempt on my part…

Good idea or have I been watching too many "chick flicks" with the wife? lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

John

I am not good at playing games. But I know if you want the person, you pretend you don't care, you be cool, you be happy, keep on singing your happy song, but drops a little bit hint like not seeing anybody.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Neither am I. Playing games never work in a relationship of any type.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

JohnR617 said:


> Neither am I. Playing games never work in a relationship of any type.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like I said, I have a very different take on your wife's behavior. She was the one who cheated and left. She regrets it but not enough to be forthright. Now she is dipping her toe in your water but in a very passive way. Lurking, if you will. 

While I dislike games as well, this is a little different. The reason she is looking at your blog is because she wants to see if you are hurting as much as she is. It sounds like you are. She is trying to "find herself" at your expense and it is working, for her. She keeps tabs on you, her husband, while she goes out and does whatever she wants. 

Tomorrow, post on your blog that you have a date for New Years Day. I know, odd, right? Why not New Years Eve? Because it is too obvious. Mention that you met a woman at the grocery store/Home Depot/Target, hit it off and asked her out but she already had plans for New Years Eve, as most good looking women do. She wants to see you however, New Years Day. You will meet for coffee and you are so excited because she seems really nice, warm and is very attractive. 

Nothing and I mean nothing makes a woman sit up and take notice when the "dish" is served out the same way she served it. Competition between women and "her" man is the classic example. If she feels somebody else is going after you....well, watch out. 

Don't let my name fool you, I am a woman. 17 years married.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

You know, Brennan, the old me would jump at that idea, but I'm done with the manipulative side of things in a relationship. One of the reasons my wife is divorcing me now. 

Thanks for the suggestion though. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Oh great! Brennan's been banned now?

Did she give someone else some really bad advice? lol


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