# Husband taking pics while I am sleeping...



## lovesdogs (Mar 18, 2011)

I HAVE ADDED MORE INFO ON PAGE TWO OF THIS THREAD....

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Hi there,

I am currently married (for the last 10 yrs) and have a 5 year old daughter. My situation is such a tough one because I have a loving husband who is a wonderful person. He treats me and my daughter very well - very caring, helpful around the house. The issue that I am struggling with is that I just don't find myself attracted to him like I used to be. I am not disgusted by him or anything, but I just don't feel that chemistry that I should feel with someone that I am in a relationship with. I have very little desire to have sex with him. I don't know if it's me (low sex drive) or if I am just not interested in having sex because it's him. When we do have sex (which is probably once a month at most), I find myself just wanting to get it over with. And its not that he's not a good lover because he is - he's very thoughtful and wanting to ensure that I enjoy myself each time. The tough part is that he has a really high sex drive. I've caught him looking at porn on the net many times. I am not opposed to this, unlike some women though. I guess I realize that he needs to get his fix from somewhere.

Anyhow, wanted you to have some background on the situation before I get into the real question. I was really grossed out the other night when I caught my husband taking pictures of my butt under the covers while I was sleeping! I had shorts on but he thought I was sleeping, and was snapping photos and trying to hike up my shorts a bit. I feel a little violated and find that to be a bit perverted. I just pretended to sleep, and tried to adjust myself to get away from him...I was shocked and didn't know what to say at the time. I mean, at least he's not taking pics of other womens' butts but really, he should be asking me before he does something like that. I don't know if he wants the pics for his own personal pleasure, or God knows it he's putting them up on the net or something (although I would hope he wouldn't do something like that!)

Anyhow, what do you think of this? Does this sound totally inappropriate to you? How would you approach this situation? Would you address it with him?

I also recognize that there is a bigger issue at play here, being that I don't feel a lot of chemistry with my husband. Its something that I am really thinking a lot about lately but need a bit more time to digest. Any thoughts on that would also be welcome.

By the way, I am 35 years old. Thanks.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Yes, what he did sounds inappropriate, and I think you should call him on it. Something like "WTF were you doing the other night, taking pictures of my @ss?" would be a good lead-in to a discussion.

But to comment on another statement... You say you have sex once a month, and he's "high drive". What does "high drive" mean to you? And you do realize that once a month is likely not going to satisfy someone even with "normal drive"? And that porn (and spanking the monkey) is not a substitute to a loving sexual relationship? You'd do well to start digging into the intimacy/sex issues in your relationship before they become bigger issues, like cheating or divorce. Not that I'm saying that gives him a free pass on cheating, but it's a common excuse. And I'm definitely not saying this is your fault! It takes two to make a marriage work.

C


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## lovesdogs (Mar 18, 2011)

PBear said:


> Yes, what he did sounds inappropriate, and I think you should call him on it. Something like "WTF were you doing the other night, taking pictures of my @ss?" would be a good lead-in to a discussion.
> 
> But to comment on another statement... You say you have sex once a month, and he's "high drive". What does "high drive" mean to you? And you do realize that once a month is likely not going to satisfy someone even with "normal drive"? And that porn (and spanking the monkey) is not a substitute to a loving sexual relationship? You'd do well to start digging into the intimacy/sex issues in your relationship before they become bigger issues, like cheating or divorce. Not that I'm saying that gives him a free pass on cheating, but it's a common excuse. And I'm definitely not saying this is your fault! It takes two to make a marriage work.
> 
> C


Hi C,

Thanks for your response. And you are absolutely right. Once a month is pathetic! I totally get that. By high sex drive I mean that he would be happy to do it every night. When we were trying to have a baby, he had no issues with (and actually loved) the daily sex for weeks at a time, which other women have their men complaining after the first couple of nights. And the amount of porn that he seems to need to watch tells me that he needs it more than the average male. At least in my opinion. Or perhaps its just high compared to my low drive ;-)

But yes, there are bigger issues to be worked on here. I have to figure that out for sure. I actually feel quite badly because sometimes I think he deserves to be with someone that can meet his needs better than I can.


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## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

Can't help with the pic thing but you say he's a great guy, he's good to you and your kids.. it kinda sounds like you've just gotten a little too used to him and your taking him for granted.


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

taking nonconsensual pictures is plainly out of bounds, unacceptable, immoral and criminal...and yes he is likely posting them on the internet. Tell him to knock it the f*&k off. Tell him now. (Unless it turns you on...in which case it becomes consensual because it is wanted...but that's another story...)

And then tell him that you understand his sexual frustrations with how your sex life is going and ...(well you didn't ask for advice on this one)

Seriously, you need to bring hubby to heal on the picture thing. That is dehuminizing, objectifying and degrading. Nip that thing in the bud (unless you like it, in which case it's fine--weird how that is )


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

voiceofreason said:


> taking nonconsensual pictures is plainly out of bounds, unacceptable, immoral and criminal...and yes he is likely posting them on the internet. Tell him to knock it the f*&k off. Tell him now. (unless it turns you on...in which case it becomes consensual because it is wanted...but that's another story...)
> 
> and then tell him that you understand his sexual frustrations with how your sex life is going and ...(well you didn't ask for advice on this one)
> 
> seriously, you need to bring hubby to heal on the picture thing. That is dehuminizing, objectifying and degrading. Nip that thing in the bud (unless you like it, in which case it's fine--weird how that is )


Word!!!!!!!!!
What a gem he is. Porn and takes pictures of his wife's butt while he thinks she is sleeping to post online. Hmmmm, something tells me most women wouldn't want sex with him either.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I am going to say, I think the guy is very sexually frustrated.

I am weird in that the porn would bother me far more then him taking pictures of my butt while sleeping. However my fiance would not post them on the internet, and I give myself to him sexually and have no issue with that. However, saying that I can understand why you would have an issue with it.

Why not list the things that you do find attractive about him and what you don't?

I am going to guess here and say he's really nice, and really nice in bed, not aggressive and take charge and that it puts you off? feel free to tell me if I'm wrong.

When you envisage really good sex, what would be happening in your fantasy? can you convey this to him and get him to partake?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

lovesdogs said:


> Hi C,
> 
> Thanks for your response. And you are absolutely right. Once a month is pathetic! I totally get that. By high sex drive I mean that he would be happy to do it every night. When we were trying to have a baby, he had no issues with (and actually loved) the daily sex for weeks at a time, which other women have their men complaining after the first couple of nights. And the amount of porn that he seems to need to watch tells me that he needs it more than the average male. At least in my opinion. Or perhaps its just high compared to my low drive ;-)
> 
> But yes, there are bigger issues to be worked on here. I have to figure that out for sure. I actually feel quite badly because sometimes I think he deserves to be with someone that can meet his needs better than I can.


 I wasn't saying anything was pathetic! But keep in mind there's a wide range between once a day and once a month. This is a case where compromising might be a good idea. And lot of guys might LIKE once a day, but would be more than happy with every second or third day. Heck, he'd probably be happy with once a week! Especially if it was good sex.

If you can deal with this early, this can be one of those things that brings you closer together as a couple. But if you leave it to the point that resentment and frustrations start taking over the rest of the relationship, it becomes much harder to deal with. What you're doing here is at least a good start.

You might want to do some reading in the Men's Forum, about "Manning Up". You can also try reading up in the MarriedManSexLife.com posts, see if anything reaches out to you. And there's also the Love Languages to consider.

Good luck!

C


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Have you tried talking to him about this? Maybe you should talk to your doctor and get a bloodwork done. You might be lacking hormonally. Seek help soon or don't complain when he starts taking pics of other girls butts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

It's your responsiblities to take care of your husband's sexual needs. Period.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

MsLonely said:


> It's your responsiblities to take care of your husband's sexual needs. Period.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't go that far. Sex isn't a job. Simply put, if she doesn't want to put out then don't expect hubby to stick around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

I agree with MsLonely and Syrum.

You are married to your husband, sex is very important to a marriage (that is why you married a man not a female friend), you are now not attracted to him, you do not want to have sex with him, you have taken part of your marriage from him, he is frustrated, he loves you.

He is watching porn but he finds that you are more attractive that those women out there. Since you are having problems with your relationship, he is scared to tell you about his fantasies and that is why he had to do it secretely. He should man up and tell you his fantasy thou...

You both arel lack of communication. Tell him to do what he used to do when you were attrated to him at the beginning. Tell him the truth of what you feel is attreactive for you, help him to achieve being that guy and be patient. Discussed about both of your fantasies and fullfill each others. Some people take sexy photos of their wives and they both enjoy. (some female find it very sexy to have a home made sexy photos). If he feels that you are good listener and you care about solving your problems he will open up to you more...just same as when a man is a good listener to a woman. He is now just scared to mess things up and probably getting once in a yead LOL

By the way this guy is very patient. I can not live with someone giving me sex once in a month. I will discuss and if nothing happens...phey, divorce. Or else cheat and not feel sorry about it.

Save your marriage, solve your problems and have much sex. Goodluck!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

the picture thing is wrong on his behalf. you need to **** him more


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

lovesdogs said:


> Hi there,
> 
> I am currently married (for the last 10 yrs) and have a 5 year old daughter. My situation is such a tough one because I have a loving husband who is a wonderful person. He treats me and my daughter very well - very caring, helpful around the house. The issue that I am struggling with is that I just don't find myself attracted to him like I used to be. I am not disgusted by him or anything, but I just don't feel that chemistry that I should feel with someone that I am in a relationship with. I have very little desire to have sex with him. I don't know if it's me (low sex drive) or if I am just not interested in having sex because it's him. When we do have sex (which is probably once a month at most), I find myself just wanting to get it over with. And its not that he's not a good lover because he is - he's very thoughtful and wanting to ensure that I enjoy myself each time. The tough part is that he has a really high sex drive. I've caught him looking at porn on the net many times. I am not opposed to this, unlike some women though. I guess I realize that he needs to get his fix from somewhere.
> 
> ...



Sorry to tell you this but your husband is masturbating to porn and probably fantacicing about other woman because you are neglecting him. Your relationship will fail if you don't open up to him and put all in the table about all you feel. He needs to know, he deserves to know what is going on with you how you feel, and then you need to educate yourself so you understand your fault in all this. The less sex you have, the less your bond is with you husband, please read this: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...t-professional-article-about-sex-bonding.html
you need to understand that without sex and communication, you'll never be close to your husband, and this will bit you in the ass when children leave the nest.....ah!...what's wrong with you being upset because your husband takes pictures of your ass....he is in such a need, that he wants pictures of you so he can masturbate with it later...i am sorry but you have a lot of issues you need to weak up to.....you need to think about why you have such a conservative and uptight view of sex....you need to open up...before is too late...


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


MsLonely said:


> It's your responsiblities to take care of your husband's sexual needs. Period.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

So the guy is in a sexless marriage and somehow he's wrong for looking at porn and taking pictures of his wifes (clothed) butt?

What am I missing here? The guy is clearly in the desert searching desperately for some water.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I am certain this is very desturbing - from your description your husband is a good man but sex starvered for his wife. I put myself in his place to see what may be going on in his head - he must be desperate for a connection with his wife who he finds sexually attractive. I think he is ashamed of taking the pictures and the need to have them. 

Think before you say anything. Do You love him and you want to have a satisfying happy relationship with him? Then you have to approach this from the standpoint of not shaming him, being open to doing what ever it takes so that he never feels it neccessary to engage in secret activities with his own wife. You want to create an atmosphere where he feels safe in expressing his needs. 

It might help to read up on how lack of sex with the one he loves adversly effects a man emotionally. Knowing will help you to understand him and change the dynamics of your relationship. Of course it goes with out saying that what ever happens, the secret pictures and any other invasion of your privacy must stop. He must know as a result that you will need to build up trust again and that he has to allow you access to his computer and phone and you need to see the pictures he has taken and what he has done with them. This may need the intevantion of a professional.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

sinnister said:


> So the guy is in a sexless marriage and somehow he's wrong for looking at porn and taking pictures of his wifes (clothed) butt?
> 
> What am I missing here? The guy is clearly in the desert searching desperately for some water.


Sexual desperation causes many problems for the sufferer. It has been used to justification many disgusting, violent and amoral practices - rape, molestation, secret pictures, inappropriate touching of vulnerable persons. 

One can always use the excuse my wife won't have sex with me. Defending a perversion that invades someone's privacy just because of sex starvation is something that most civilized societies have abandoned. Thankfully, our society no longer holds the male need for sex as more important than a woman right to say no. In other words his wife not having sex with him does not give him license to do anything he wants to her. 

He can do anything with himself like leave and find someone more comparable but he does not own her butt and has no cause to use it without her permission. Sex starved people have to follow the same laws of morality and self-control as any member of society. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovesdogs (Mar 18, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your candid responses. I appreciate every one of them and agree with all of them in one way or another.

Let me start by saying that I especially agree with the sexual frustration part. I know he is frustrated, which is why I am struggling with how to approach this. If we had a fantastic sex life and he was doing these things (porn all the time and sleeping butt pics), I would have already approached him about the inappropriateness of it all. But I do feel a very strong sense of responsibility for what is going on, which is why I need to think about this before I react. Even though I don't agree with what he is doing I can certainly understand the psychological/emotional drivers behind it.

On my part, I really do wonder what might be my issue when it comes to sex drive. I have had a myriad of hormonal testing done for infertility related issues (trying to have a second child) and nothing ever jumped out as being off. But I wish that I had the sex drive that some of you talk about (wanting to play out fantasies, etc). I am seriously just extremely conservative when it comes to sex. I don't even feel the need to please myself...it just isn't important to me. I could go months without an O and wouldn't give a crap. I am sure some of you are gasping at this thought but it's reality for me. I can't tell you why I am the way I am...I wasn't always this way. We had a really great sex life in the early days. Something is ass-backwards for me...seems my prime was in my younger days.

I agree - I need to have a real heart to heart with him. I need to find the courage to sit down with him and spill the beans on how I am feeling, and discuss why our sex life may have gone downhill. Maybe couples counseling is in the cards for us, too. I know that there are some other issues that might be contributing to my feelings about him and our sex life. For years I have been trying to get him to quit smoking and get healthy (eat better, lose a bit of weight, stop smoking pot) but he hasn't made any effort on that front. So I feel a bit resentful..I feel like he has a family and should care about his health and well-being but doesn't. And it would help on the appearance side as well, although I know this isn't the main concern for me. Its really about getting healthy. LOL...this just keeps getting more convoluted, doesn't it? So I need to get ALL of these feelings on the table. It's just hard to get the courage up, and to find the right time. But I need to.

Anywho, thanks a bunch for any comments that have been made or will be made. Great group in here!


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## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

I'm not going to lie and say I never thought of trying to sneak a picture of my wife when we were going on months without sex and she was completely unsupportive of my needs and desires.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

God how I wish my husband would sneak a pic of me by his handphone and appreciate my body whenever he needs to show he's desired and attracted to me.
That would mean so much to me.
So I would really encourage you to enjoy sweet intimacy with your dear husband after you find back your connection with him. 
Sex is beautiful with the one you love, I couldn't have enough... your husband's drooling over you... Don't you feel great?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

sinnister said:


> So the guy is in a sexless marriage and somehow he's wrong for looking at porn and taking pictures of his wifes (clothed) butt?
> 
> What am I missing here? The guy is clearly in the desert searching desperately for some water.


I don't think there's anything wrong with him looking at porn and spanking the monkey till it falls off. But there's definitely something wrong with him taking pictures of his wife's ass without her permission, in my opinion. That's an invasion of her privacy. And in the same way that a sexless marriage isn't a reason for cheating, it's also a reason for invading someone else's privacy.

C


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

PBear said:


> I don't think there's anything wrong with him looking at porn and spanking the monkey till it falls off. But there's definitely something wrong with him taking pictures of his wife's ass without her permission, in my opinion. That's an invasion of her privacy. And in the same way that a sexless marriage isn't a reason for cheating, it's also a reason for invading someone else's privacy.
> 
> C


:iagree:


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

In some states, he would get thrown in jail for this. One lady in MI had her H arrested because he would peek in on her in the shower!


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

sinnister, it's nice to see you start to list out all the issues on the table.
I believe your husband respected your not wanting sex but he was too attracted to you that he wanted a picture of you so he can whack off by watching it instead of watching pornographics.
Yes, he should ask for your permission so you might want to talk with your husband about it that your privacy was invaded. I guess he would apologise and he won't do it again.
However, in the other hand, it's a right thing to be a sexually supportive wife without really doing it.
Maybe you can give him a hand job or allow him to watch your sexy photo and jerk off himself.
However, the best situation is to have a great sexual life with him.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

F-102 said:


> In some states, he would get thrown in jail for this. One lady in MI had her H arrested because he would peek in on her in the shower!


well thats a bit prudish, i wonder if she would be suprised if he cheated on her


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

I've taken pictures of my sleeping wife's butt. Also, when she was painting in her "boy shorts" and other random times. She's seen them all of course.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

lovesdogs said:


> Thanks everyone for your candid responses. I appreciate every one of them and agree with all of them in one way or another.
> 
> Let me start by saying that I especially agree with the sexual frustration part. I know he is frustrated, which is why I am struggling with how to approach this. If we had a fantastic sex life and he was doing these things (porn all the time and sleeping butt pics), I would have already approached him about the inappropriateness of it all. But I do feel a very strong sense of responsibility for what is going on, which is why I need to think about this before I react. Even though I don't agree with what he is doing I can certainly understand the psychological/emotional drivers behind it.
> 
> ...


Educate yourself and communicate with your husband, emotional connection to the deepest levels where you dont feel along anymore is when you can count with somebody to make your dreams come true. Don't know if you are Cristian, but I am and believe that god did not make man the way we are just to make woman unhappy, after all both are his children. Thus, we are meant to be together and really enjoy our sexuality and health, May be, if you open up to him and both agree to start working on your relationship you have a chance - he needs to be on board with making your lives better, but remember, not making plently of love to your husband will make him more recentful towards you. We feel loved when our wives make love to us with desire and passion is there when we feel love the most.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

sinnister said:


> So the guy is in a sexless marriage and somehow he's wrong for looking at porn and taking pictures of his wifes (clothed) butt?
> 
> What am I missing here? The guy is clearly in the desert searching desperately for some water.


You're missing that some wives, such as the OP, think it's acceptable to give their husbands hardly any sex, when they are good men. Sounds selfish and ridiculous to me too. Marriage is about give and take. Doesn't a good hubby deserve more than monthly shags? I believe so.
Wives who don't put out to decent partners don't deserve to be married.
If Mr.G was taking pictures of my lovely bottom, I would approach him playfully. "Baby, you been snapping pics of my botty. You been jerking off to them?" If the OP asks about the behavior in a playful manner, the hubs will feel less pressure.
The more I read TAM, the more I realize that my husband is one lucky SOB. We had sex last night and this afternoon, first in the living room and then bent over the kitchen sink. I wouldn't have it any other way. Mr.G can't cheat on me because I wear his @ss out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

sinnister said:


> So the guy is in a sexless marriage and somehow he's wrong for looking at porn and taking pictures of his wifes (clothed) butt?
> 
> What am I missing here? The guy is clearly in the desert searching desperately for some water.


Women (and some men) who hate sex, well they hate sex. Period. My absolutely sexless wife thinks porn is the same thing as adultery. She believes anything having to do with any physicality of any kind is evil. Period. It's not about denying me. It's about being a fundamentalist mental case.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Runs like Dog said:


> Women (and some men) who hate sex, well they hate sex. Period. My absolutely sexless wife thinks porn is the same thing as adultery. She believes anything having to do with any physicality of any kind is evil. Period. It's not about denying me. It's about being a fundamentalist mental case.


Dude, I feel for you. What is your plan? Sorry to take this OT.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Women (and some men) who hate sex, well they hate sex. Period. My absolutely sexless wife thinks porn is the same thing as adultery. She believes anything having to do with any physicality of any kind is evil. Period. It's not about denying me. It's about being a fundamentalist mental case.


Well I liken porn to cheating, and I feel very strongly that it does not help relationships, but is very harmful, however I also wouldn't deny my husband sex. Sex is very important to having a good loving intimate connection.


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## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Women (and some men) who hate sex, well they hate sex. Period. My absolutely sexless wife thinks porn is the same thing as adultery. She believes anything having to do with any physicality of any kind is evil. Period. It's not about denying me. It's about being a fundamentalist mental case.


Dude, if that were the case with me, I'd be friggin gone. Sadly, there are times where I feel that my wife, while not a fundamentalist mental case, may eventually end up that way. I hope I'm just letting my imagination run away with me.
But if it ever does come to that, to me, that's abuse. She can agree or not (she won't). But the same way normal spouses need a spouse who will remain faithful, I need a spouse who will be sexual with me and fulfill my sexual needs. Period.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

marcopoly69 said:


> Educate yourself and communicate with your husband, emotional connection to the deepest levels where you dont feel along anymore is when you can count with somebody to make your dreams come true.
> 
> Don't know if you are Cristian, but I am and believe that god did not make man the way we are just to make woman unhappy, after all both are his children.
> Thus, we are meant to be together and really enjoy our sexuality and health, May be, if you open up to him and both agree to start working on your relationship you have a chance - he needs to be on board with making your lives better, but remember, *not making plently of love to your husband will make him more recentful towards you.*
> ...


God, this is so on-point. Well-stated, marcopoly.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

When did you first discover H taking photos of you whilst sleeping? Was it before being starved of sex, or after?

It's deviant behaviour and creepy to steal photographs without asking your consent and even more creepy that he didn't say, "hey honey I took some great photos of you last nigiht when you were asleep!". Instead he is being sneaky and secretative and that's unsettling behaviour. He has all the characteristics for cheating.

Sometimes it is indicative of a pattern. He may have been taking photographs of previous girlfriends without their consent and kept their photographs with or without their knowledge. Trophy gathering.

He is making the relationship awkward and you are not helping either. You both need help to sort out how to get back to the good days of fun and laughter. Afterall, you've both been through a lot of tests to conceive a second child and the love and fun may have turned mechanical.

You need to reconnect together. 

He might have a secretative dark side where he has a fetish about stealing, taking and violating women. He may be interested in @sses generally and that could be putting you off, particularly if he likes looking at animal butt holes too and maybe a side to kinky porn. The nice guy could be image with a dark secret now surfacing. It may have been there but you didn't notice it before?

Something not right here and it seems to be spooking you.
The porn is making it worse instead of better. You guys need professional help before he is off cheating and violating you and abusing other women.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I am going to say, I think the guy is very sexually frustrated.
> 
> I am weird in that the porn would bother me far more then him taking pictures of my butt while sleeping. However my fiance would not post them on the internet, and I give myself to him sexually and have no issue with that. However, saying that I can understand why you would have an issue with it.
> 
> ...


As one with sexuallyfustrated as my name  I can tell you that whole soft and gentle thing dies get old. My husband was like that in the beginning. For the major part of our dating and when we got married. We had sex A LOT but it was always predictable I did not want to cheat so on our 3 rd yr anniversary I got somethings from the adult store and aided him in the woman I wanted to be in bed for the both if us. We had a blast little did I know he was already having an affair or it started not long after. And so the name sexuallyfustrated ( not frustrated) cane into play. If you are bored with the same old and need to be more aggressive or need him to be then set the wheels in motion. At least try and see if that may be it. May make a difference may not but at least give it a shot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NessaRae (Aug 14, 2011)

I don't think your husband is being a creepy pervert - my husband thinks I'm adorable when I sleep so he takes pictures of me. Yeah, it's freaking weird, but he doesn't keep it a secret and it's for his personal pleasure, so whatevs.
I understand that you feel violated, but I highly doubt he is posting these pictures. He's just keeping pictures of you - he can't get the lovin' he needs from you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still find you attractive. I'm sure he'd love it if you'd let him take some pictures of you for him to fantasize about - better that than looking at other ladies on the internet, right?
To get to the matter at hand, however, you do feel violated so you need to discuss it with him. However innocent his motivation might be, he needs to at least let you know what's going on so you don't randomly wake up in the middle of the night with him giving you a wedgie and taking pictures and wondering what the heck is going on. He also needs permission from you - I highly doubt he's getting off on lying to you or hiding this from you, I think he's just too embarrassed to tell you and still wants you to be involved in his sexuality without making you uncomfortable. Although it could be he's just a voyeur, but either way he still needs permission from you.
I'm not sure how you would bring this up, though... definitely don't do it in an aggressive way or he's not even going to bother trying to get you involved in his sexuality anymore.
And it really does sound like a hormonal imbalance for you, especially if the sex was there before. You're only 35, but women of all ages go through changes differently as they age.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I think we are talking about a sex starved and therefore love starved man. We need to remember that sexual fullfillment is how men get intimacy from their wives. It is how they connect. 

No sex = no intimacy = no connection = no marriage.

Porn does not give a connection. It is just part of him releasing his sexual tension. I don't know how anyone could blame a man for using porn in a sexless marriage. I don't know for sure his purpose for the pictures. BUT, I think he finds his wife sexually attractive. He probably found his use of porn degrading and really wanted to see his wife. Not perverted ... desparate. He wanted some masturbation material from his wife since he could not get sex from her.

Further, I agree that maybe she wanted him to be more Alpha. He needs to work on his attraction. But that said he cannot ravage his wife unless she is a willing participant. Othewise we would then be wanting him arrested for maritial rape. If she is really turned off by him he just is not going to get the ravage me vibe from his wife. 

From this thread he sounds like a Nice Guy. Fast forward to her latest thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-while-still-living-together.html#post349621

So he cheated on her. I think he should have divorced her first. He had good reason to divorce her. Cheating is wrong. 
No excuse for him but this was pretty predictable. 

Sexless marriage is just plain cruel. So is cheating. They are both reasons for divorce in my opinion.

http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I think we are talking about a sex starved and therefore love starved man. We need to remember that sexual fulfillment is how men get intimacy from their wives. It is how they connect.


This is accurate.
Am myself coming out of a sexless marriage.
Not great, but getting better, if slowly.

We ML now likely ever 2-3 weeks, though I had brought it back to weekly... 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/22004-my-long-distance-marriage.html

Thought I'd get more reaction in that thread.
Got more response in some other forums.
*My Long Distance marriage.*
My long-distance marriage
*
Refusal-Long time refused & considering leaving*
Refusal-Long time refused & considering leaving... - Page 9 - LoveShack.org Community Forums



> No sex = no intimacy = no connection = no marriage.


 True.


> Porn does not give a connection. It is just part of him releasing his sexual tension.


 I too intensified my porn use. I kicked it completely last fall and aside from some "relapses" that had me looking at some naked pics (no hard stuff), have been better off without it.


> I don't know how anyone could blame a man for using porn in a sexless marriage.


 That's what I thought too. Was my justification.
However, it doesn't look good on me to be doing that.

As I found I can masturbate satisfactorily without porn, I'm much better without the visual stimuli. Doesn't mean I don't fantasize in my mind, though.


> From this thread he sounds like a Nice Guy. Fast forward to her latest thread:


I too may be a "nice guy" in bed and in the relationship in general. Need to read more on that to see if I need to change things.


> Sexless marriage is just plain cruel. So is cheating. They are both reasons for divorce in my opinion.
> 
> Married Man Sex Life


Will have to visit your website.


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## mkl (Jul 9, 2011)

You need evaluate why your husband it not sexually attractive to you anymore. Figuring this out and dealing with it may help save you from a lot of heartache in the future. (one or both of you having an affair)

But under no circumstance is him taking pictures of you without your consent okay…..

If you were not repulsed by this man before you have a good reason to be now. That is just nuts. Personally I think he is probably posting them on the internet. 

I would do one of two things….

I would either call him out on it as soon as I caught him in the act or pull out my inspector skills and figure out what the heck he is up to.


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## Parrothead (Jul 4, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Sexual desperation causes many problems for the sufferer. It has been used to justification many disgusting, violent and amoral practices - rape, molestation, secret pictures, inappropriate touching of vulnerable persons.
> 
> One can always use the excuse my wife won't have sex with me. Defending a perversion that invades someone's privacy just because of sex starvation is something that most civilized societies have abandoned. Thankfully, our society no longer holds the male need for sex as more important than a woman right to say no. In other words his wife not having sex with him does not give him license to do anything he wants to her.
> 
> ...


Only you would say that taking pics of your wife's butt leads to rape and child molestation. Your post says more about you that it does about him.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Parrothead said:


> Only you would say that taking pics of your wife's butt leads to rape and child molestation. Your post says more about you that it does about him.



Sadly, she's not alone. One of the great things about message boards is that you can post that your husband took a picture of you wearing shorts and people can quite confidently tell you that you married a serial killer. :rofl:


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## Parrothead (Jul 4, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Sadly, she's not alone. One of the great things about message boards is that you can post that your husband took a picture of you wearing shorts and people can quite confidently tell you that you married a serial killer. :rofl:


I particularly liked the one about "inappropriate touching of vulnerable persons". It reminds me of the time someone accused me of "conspiracy to commit illegal harassment of private citizens across state lines" for posting contrary opinions on a message board such as this one. 

I liked it so much I renamed my blog.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's not the secret pictures, but that he posted them. Not cool.


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## Parrothead (Jul 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> It's not the secret pictures, but that he posted them. Not cool.


That's not what she said, at least not in the first post. She said she didn't know what he wanted with them. Maybe he just wanted it for his phone.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh, I could have SWORN she wrote he posted them online.

Oops.


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## Parrothead (Jul 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Oh, I could have SWORN she wrote he posted them online.
> 
> Oops.


I think someone else said that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

He did not post them. Him taking these picture swas a feeble attempt at him not resorting to porn but visualizing his wife. The one who is supposed to be there for him. I could see him feeling that this was not cheating. She is his wife. We understand why he did not tell her. He is just desperate. A better step for him would be to divorce her. But he loves her. 

Sorry looking at porn is not like banging another person folks. Lighten up. It is not like she is being faithful to him. Maybe she is not cheating, but by not meeting his #1 need she is being unfaithful to him. Yes, I said it.


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## Swet Jenny (Aug 16, 2011)

Give him the sex he wants and love him for all the good he does for you OR set him free to be truly loved by another women


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> He did not post them. Him taking these picture swas a feeble attempt at him not resorting to porn but visualizing his wife. The one who is supposed to be there for him. I could see him feeling that this was not cheating. She is his wife. We understand why he did not tell her. He is just desperate. A better step for him would be to divorce her. But he loves her.
> 
> Sorry looking at porn is not like banging another person folks. Lighten up. It is not like she is being faithful to him. Maybe she is not cheating, but by not meeting his #1 need she is being unfaithful to him. Yes, I said it.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## nada (Aug 20, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I am going to say, I think the guy is very sexually frustrated.
> 
> I am weird in that the porn would bother me far more then him taking pictures of my butt while sleeping. However my fiance would not post them on the internet, and I give myself to him sexually and have no issue with that. However, saying that I can understand why you would have an issue with it.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## nada (Aug 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I think we are talking about a sex starved and therefore love starved man. We need to remember that sexual fullfillment is how men get intimacy from their wives. It is how they connect.
> 
> No sex = no intimacy = no connection = no marriage.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:


Wha all this BS about porn beeing bad? I have seen noone comment that female sexual fantasies are bad? This attitude is sexist - male(visual) sexual preferences is bad while female is good? This is a joke - women use porn too but it is camoflaged as romance novels.
:lol:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Entropy3000 said:


> He did not post them. Him taking these picture swas a feeble attempt at him not resorting to porn but visualizing his wife. The one who is supposed to be there for him. I could see him feeling that this was not cheating. She is his wife. We understand why he did not tell her. He is just desperate. A better step for him would be to divorce her. But he loves her.
> 
> Sorry looking at porn is not like banging another person folks. Lighten up. It is not like she is being faithful to him. Maybe she is not cheating, but by not meeting his #1 need she is being unfaithful to him. Yes, I said it.


I Agree with all of Entrophy3000's here -gets to the heart of the matter. 
:iagree::iagree::iagree:


Either work to AROUSE your interest for the good man you have at home or let him go so he can experience passionate Love and devotion with another , someone who wants and desires him for HIM, what he has to offer a woman. I would never be able to remain in a near sexless marraige with once a month desire from my spouse. 

And I got flack for saying this once on here, but in MY marriage, my body is his, his is mine, his taking pictures of me , and wanting to do that -- is *not* a violation to me. BUt we have amazing trust. This husband sounds of that type to me. NOt some manipulative cheater who gets his kicks -so he can go show these off to his friends or online in some quest to get his rocks off. SHe did not speak about him in any sort of light to give such an impression -as least from what I did read here. (not all pages-sorry). 

This is an older thread, wonder what happened ???

He likely said nothing too her cause she is not sexually minded enough to UNDERSTAND HIM and his cravings, anyone who only needs sex once a month- simply does NOT "get" - can not comprehned a higher drive person, they think we are all MAD.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Your body is not your own in marriage...*



SimplyAmorous said:


> And I got flack for saying this once on here, but
> *in MY marriage, my body is his, his is mine*


Agree entirely.
Those are my thoughts too. 

That's what the marital vows are for.
You don't "own" the other but you certainly are entitled to any and all physical affection..

Posted similar thoughts on another board.
EDITED OUT 12-11


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

sinnister said:


> So the guy is in a sexless marriage and somehow he's wrong for looking at porn and taking pictures of his wifes (clothed) butt?
> 
> What am I missing here? The guy is clearly in the desert searching desperately for some water.


I`m in agreement with this.

The pic taking might actually be a symptom of his sexual frustration.

He`s looking for an outlet, I can relate.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I think it's extremely wrong to take photos of you when your unaware.

My ex taped us one night while doing the deed. Luckily this was before the Internet. I was so violated that I never slept with him again. I ended up leaving due to his unfaithfulness and abuse.

Photographing and taping without knowledge is completely wrong. What he did is wrong and I would have a very hard time forgiving that. Sexually frustrated or not, this should of never happened!

My drive kicked in full gear a couple years after I turned 35, but my husband and I are very close and we are emotionally connected. We were in the past once a month or even less. I woke up and realized what I was doing. However, my husband would never ever disrespect me in this way.

I would tell him never to do it again!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

This is actually a bit of an older thread - not sure the OP is around anymore.

But, sexual frustration does not give one the right to invade their spouse's privacy and personal space regarding their body without their consent.

Just because you're married doesn't mean that you don't have a right to some amount of personal privacy and it definitely means your spouse should have some respect for you - which a husband taking clandestine pictures of his wife while she's sleeping without ever asking -that's total disrespect of his wife. I guess I can see why she's found him an unattractive man if he's generally disrespectful of her.

She should have 'womaned up' and let him know right when she woke up that he was crossing a very personal boundary for her. I know I would not have been passive about my displeasure if I was in the same situation. I hope that she's had the courage to let him know that he violated her personal boundaries.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Dead Thread Alert


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