# No time to cry.



## ffemt53 (Mar 19, 2013)

Where to begin… At the begin I guess I met my wife when she was in college and came home for break. I the time I was hanging out with friends at the donut shop and I was talking to her and her mother. I’d like to say we hit it off but I was shy about talk to women that way and never pass friendly talk. 
Then about a year later I’m on my home from work and stop off at the convenience store for coffee and see her working there. I strike up a conversation and talk for a couple of minutes then the shop got busy and I left. I would go out of my way to get coffee there, just to see her. 
We start to see each other outside of her work and we would talk for hours on the phone. We start seeing each other exclusively and I was so into her. 
I should have ended our relationship the day I found out that she was possibly cheating on me with I guy I was associated with the day my best friend called me up and told me they (not my best friend) were more then friendly at his house. He never did get into the details. 
I confronted her and she denied it, and our relationship got even better. 
Two years later we were married and our relationship got rockier I kept telling myself it was because she was got to school and working a fulltime job. After she finished school things got better. 
We both worked together at two job for the same company the same shift and job until she was in a car accident and then they terminated her from one of the jobs.
Things started to get rocky again. I started to see signs that she was being unfaithful to me online. Every time I would approach the computer she would minimize the page. She’d make excuses to be alone with the computer. she would get angry with me if I hung out in the room with her. One time I came in to the room and put my foot on the chair and felt it vibrating. 
I went out and found a key logger and installed it on the computer and after two weeks I confronted her. She told me it was all my fault and stopped arguing with her, all he while still denying it.
She stop the online affair and things got better. We had two kids although we fight about the normal marital problems (money, schools, kids, ect…)
About four months we received my niece through children and youth and her being a t’ween my wife for the first time locked her computer. She told me the password, so if I needed to get on the computer I could. My computer has always been locked due to having my 6 year old on her on account and that is set up for her. (Parental Blocks and stuff like that). The problem with my niece was solved and she was returned to her parents. 
Two months ago my wife was talking to a person online via headset and laughing I was awaken by this and went to go see what was going on and to go to the potty. She told me she was talking to one of her gaming friends and even told me his name. We would talk about him. went she was online with him. She even resumed cleaning the basement so she could set up her sewing room. Our sex life went from once every six months to three and four time a week. She was in better sprites about life and more involved with the household. 
Then she fell asleep on the sofa one night and I couldn’t wake her. I tried to log in to her computer so I could shut it down properly but couldn’t so I perform a hard shutdown and left her sleeping. 
The next day she I told what happened and asked her for her password so I didn’t need to that again and she told me. 
Three days later she was sleeping and had a “sex” dream about her friend. When she woke up I asked her about her dream and said why and I told her she talked in her sleep and that her and her friend were having sex. Later that day the six year old wanted to get on the computer and I went to log in to my wives and the password was changed. 
I asked her about it and she told me that it was because I messed it up the last time I was on it. I really started to watch her and noticed things would go missing only to turn up in a bag or drawer in her sewing room where she was most of the time now. Like Cameras and “toys”. 
She left her computer logged in one night and put the kids to bed. I was able to see that she wrote an erotic story about her and her friend and had naked photo’s of her on her computer and also pornographic photo of other people. 
Today I confronted her and she denied all of it. I gave her three chances to confess even when she was confronted with evidence of her lying she denied it. She asked what I wanted her to say and I told her the truth. I told her this could all end with her giving me her computer password and email password. Let me look for myself. She start to laugh, and told me that she was not going to sit here any longer and fight about this. I told her if she wants to keep have her online affair then she could leave. She pack her bag and left her kids and me. I watched her leave she was crying in the car as she left. I guess now I have no time to cry I have to explain to the kids why mommy left.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

If I may suggest, and please don't take this wrong, but she could easily be trying to 'guilt' you into begging for her to come back. 
That she laughs and refuses to discuss your concerns with you is a total display of arrogance and disrespect. She has zero regard for you and even less respect.

Take your time - even though you head is probably spinning -and read up on some of the threads in this forum. You will find a great deal of help.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Keep the kids out of it for now. Just tell them mom and dad had a fight and that you both still love them.

How much do you know about the other man (men)?


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## ffemt53 (Mar 19, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Keep the kids out of it for now. Just tell them mom and dad had a fight and that you both still love them.
> 
> How much do you know about the other man (men)?


The first one: Name, Address, Place of employment, email addy, home phone number 

The second one: His name and where he works and that he works for the DOD in afganastan


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

File a police report she left!! Do it now!! Leaving her children is huge in a custody case!!
Mouse


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Even if she returns, even if you expose, the problem remains the same. It's you. She showed you who she was by cheating and you married her anyway.

She knew at that point she had you. Because she knew most men would not have married her after that. That was the beginning of her losing respect for you. She continued to cheat, you continued to rugsweep, and you even brought children into this mess. Really?

You worked extremely hard to dishonor yourself, and now your wife has no respect for you. Now you have to offset your past of doormat actions, by manning up big time. Time to act. Expose and file for divorce. I always say file after DDay because it eliminates the bs fairly quickly. But you need to do it to regain your self respect.

If you decide to let her come back there must be HUGE consequences. However, you should not reconcile. You made a mistake and married the wrong woman to be your wife and the mother of your children. Because lets be clear: Any woman that will leave her kids so she does not have to be transparent is not a good mother.

It's good you made her leave, but it's only the first step in a long journey to regain your self respect.


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## portabledorothy (Mar 19, 2013)

Like has been said above, do not let her come back. Show self-respect and do not let her manipulate you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

DNA the kids.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

No consequences the first time
No consequences the second time
She'll come back and my guess is you'll rug sweep again.

There is pattern, she cheats and you do nothing. Time to shock her out of her comfort zone


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

She left, if she comes back need to prepare yourself:

Get a VAR and record your conversations.

Unless she gives you full disclosure, Passwords etc. she will try to rugsweep you.

Sorry, what mother walks away from her children in a situation like this? Who is more important then her children? Apparently someone else.

That shows me that her internal moral compass is not working.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Did you save the bad stuff? I thinking you did not. She probably erased it. 

OK I see bits and pieces here but no comprehensive list.
1) IT IS HER FAULT NOT YOURS.
2) VAR the car and the place she is most likely to have phone conversations
3) Machiavelli is way better than me on this but to win her back if you want her is to let her go. ABOVE ALL DO NOT BEG OR TELL HER SHE IS YOUR WORLD OR YOU CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT HER. You need the attitude of I damn well can get wife version 2.0 with the loyalty chip pre-installed even if you dont really believe it you need to tell yourself that. 
4) If the computer is still at home you need to get it to a safe place AND DO NOT LET HER HAVE IT. DO THIS NOW. DO THIS NOW. DO THIS NOW. Get a program called ?konsub? ?konusb? It will get you onto her comp from a USB drive. DO THIS NOW DO THIS NOW.
Once you are on make 3 copies of the evidence and put it in 3 different SAFE PLACES.
5) Fix yourself. Get a gym membership now. It has two effects. 1) It gets your mind off the crap. 2) It makes you hotter to women. Women want men who other women want. Up your alpha game. Read Married Man Sex Primer which is not about sex.
6) Man up. You are way to effing beta. Expose ans top acting like a doormat.
7) Do not let her rugsweep. 
8) Push like hell to find out where she spent last night. Is there a local OM? Check phone and credit card records.
Questions
Ages?
The men are all very distant from your home?
Where did she go last night? 

Honestly I wouldnt take back a serial E cheater back but that is your call. I would file D then abort if she comes clean. I just get the feeling you will be back here again and again and again...


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## ffemt53 (Mar 19, 2013)

OK... Um 
@LoveMouse - Why would I file a police report when she walked out of the house. She left the house. She didn't abandon the children somewhere. 
@Machiavelli - There is no question about who are the parents of the children. 

There was never any "proof" that she cheated the first time. My best friend told me they were "More than friendly" at his house. He never saw them kissing or anything sexual. They were both drunk that's why they were at his apartment because they could not drive home. The interaction was inappropriate for two friends. Both my best friend and I hold old fashion values when it comes to the treatment of women.

And yes things have a way of disappearing when she was confronted with the online affair this time. Last time I ruined the OM life because I tapped the computer, this time I couldn't because it was a laptop that I was not allowed access to. 
Now that I have access to it, once I get the new spyware I'll tapped that one to. 
Without evidence I'm screwed because my state is very female friendly in divorce cases.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

ffemt53 said:


> OK... Um
> 
> @Machiavelli - There is no question about who are the parents of the children.


That's what they all say.


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