# Unhappy newlywed



## Margie1993 (Apr 26, 2018)

Hello. My husband and I got married after 3 months of dating/knowing each other. I had never met someone that I clicked with in the way we did. He made me excited and happy. I truly believed he was my soul mate. And he felt the same way. We’ve been married now for 8 months and I’ve never been so unhappy in my life. I hate him. The sound of his voice. His face. Everything about him just puts me in a bad mood. I’m also 12 weeks pregnant. I hate that too. I feel like he pressured me in to getting married so fast. He pressured me into stopping birth control. He pressured me in to buying a house and living in a state that I absolutely hate. And he’s always so happy about it. Which makes me angrier. 
I keep a journal, that was the only outlet I had from him. And he told me he read it. How can I trust him? That is my most private thoughts and feelings. I resent him for the things he’s pressured me into doing. I never wanted kids. I hate kids. I never wanted to own a home. 
I guess I’m just trying to find out if there’s any hope. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to be a failure. But I don’t want to go to counseling with him because that would mean I have to be around him. I truly think if I could go back to my old life - my own house, freedom, friends - I would be much happier. I feel like he would too. I told him all of my concerns last night and he just kept saying “if you want a divorce just say it” “if you don’t want to fight for us just say it” which I know sounds like he cares. But I feel like he just doesn’t want to be the one to end it. 

Any advice would be appreciated. 
Thanks


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Margie1993 said:


> Hello. My husband and I got married after 3 months of dating/knowing each other. I had never met someone that I clicked with in the way we did. He made me excited and happy. I truly believed he was my soul mate. And he felt the same way. We’ve been married now for 8 months and I’ve never been so unhappy in my life. I hate him. The sound of his voice. His face. Everything about him just puts me in a bad mood. I’m also 12 weeks pregnant. I hate that too. I feel like he pressured me in to getting married so fast. He pressured me into stopping birth control. He pressured me in to buying a house and living in a state that I absolutely hate. And he’s always so happy about it. Which makes me angrier.
> I keep a journal, that was the only outlet I had from him. And he told me he read it. How can I trust him? That is my most private thoughts and feelings. I resent him for the things he’s pressured me into doing. I never wanted kids. I hate kids. I never wanted to own a home.
> I guess I’m just trying to find out if there’s any hope. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to be a failure. But I don’t want to go to counseling with him because that would mean I have to be around him. I truly think if I could go back to my old life - my own house, freedom, friends - I would be much happier. I feel like he would too. I told him all of my concerns last night and he just kept saying “if you want a divorce just say it” “if you don’t want to fight for us just say it” which I know sounds like he cares. But I feel like he just doesn’t want to be the one to end it.
> 
> ...


Sounds like if you had not got married you would have split up by now. Divorce is not failure you just made a bad decision and married someone you didn't know and who you are not meant to be with. 

I would look into Divorce or annulment as this is still the honeymoon phase and you already cannot stand him.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why did you marry a man you hate and why did are you having a baby with a man you hate? 

I feel for the poor baby who seems unwanted.


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## Margie1993 (Apr 26, 2018)

I didn’t hate him when we got married. I was crazy about him. I started to resent him maybe 2-3 months ago. I also didn’t come here to be talked down to. I’m actually looking for advice or suggestions. Maybe somebody has gone through something similar.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Did this happen when you got pregnant.? Because i know people who hated their husband with a passion when they got pregnant.


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## Margie1993 (Apr 26, 2018)

Around that time yes. Did things ever go back to normal for them? My other problem is worrying about the depression while I’m pregnant and how it affects the baby


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Yep, it did. Maybe you are having a boy.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I was depressed with my son...he had colic and was sickly. 

Make sure you are eating well and get some exerise. Sleeping well. Also, let your ob know whats going on. So you can get help if its needed. 

Take the focus off your husband. Learn how to meditate. Go read a book. Go out with friends. 

Make sure you are getting your folate.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

brooklynAnn said:


> Yep, it did. Maybe you are having a boy.


Is pregnancy depression more common when carrying a boy?


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Oh wow.... what a huge mess. 

"Only fools rush in"

I feel really really bad for your unborn child. I don't like kids, I don't want to be a mother, and thats why I married a man that doesn't want kids, and have taken the measures needed to assure we do not have kids.

I don't see any happy endings here. Don't stay in a toxic relationship - that is something that has to happen.

A child should not be raised in an environment where the mother hates the father - the kid will know that you hate half of what they are. That you hate someone that they love deeply. 

Does your husband have the resources to raise the kid by himself? Maybe it would be best if you two divorced, and you relinquished your parental rights. 

What a terrible situation - caused by adults who made horrible choices, and now a child will suffer for it. 

By the way... while your husband may have pressured you, unless he physically forced you - you are just as responsible for making this bad choices.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Is pregnancy depression more common when carrying a boy?


Old wife's tail perhaps.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since your negative feelings started at the time you got pregnant, I suspect that you are suffering from a pregnancy related depression.

Please go talk to your doctor about this and see if the doc can give you any help.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Margie1993

Also.. do you have any friends where you live now? 

Do you have a job or are you home alone most of the time?

What sort of things do you do for yourself these days?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Is pregnancy depression more common when carrying a boy?


No its something biological ...i read somewhere that the baby is giving off some sort of antigen...which repels the same sex...like the fetus its trying too keep males from appoarching the mother...

But boys do take alot more from your body...like two years off your life.
.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Since your negative feelings started at the time you got pregnant, I suspect that you are suffering from a pregnancy related depression.
> 
> Please go talk to your doctor about this and see if the doc can give you any help.


That makes perfect sense.

I would add that major financial changes (as in purchasing a house) and especially geographic relocation, are major life stressors. Moving far away and assuming a mortgage can get anybody down. But add that to a pregnancy (the biggest stressor of all), and that's a tough combination. 
@Margie1993
Have you communicated your state of mind to your husband? Many husbands, especially first time husbands, are completely oblivious to the depth of what their wives are going through during pregnancy. Look, we usually can't even drum up any sympathy for a mere menstrual cycle, let alone something even more dramatic like a pregnancy. It generally takes a 2x4 upside the head for them to get it. 

He needs to know that he totally rearranged every aspect of your life. It's time for him to man up and show you some moral and emotional support. Hopefully, he's just a typically oblivious neanderthal who can be trained. If he truly loves you, he will move heaven and earth to do that for you... once the clue bird finally lands on his shoulder and he understands. 

If there is hope, that is likely where it lies. You make it sound like he simply packed you up and moved you away to be a brood mare. I hope that isn't the case. Let him know exactly what's what, and/or get some marriage counseling that specializes in the stresses of pregnancy and other life changes.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

brooklynAnn said:


> No its something biological ...i read somewhere that the baby is giving off some sort of antigen...which repels the same sex...like the fetus its trying too keep males from appoarching the mother...
> 
> But boys do take alot more from your body...like two years off your life.
> .


I had no idea about the first paragraph, but if my wife's experience is any indication, completely agree with your second paragraph. My two daughters were relatively easy on her while my son absolutely wrecked her. Wore her flat out early on, drained her like a sieve, and even after he was born, it took her much longer to recover, like years rather than months. And he's really a mild mannered kid while my girls were pretty wild.


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## Margie1993 (Apr 26, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> @Margie1993
> 
> Also.. do you have any friends where you live now?
> No. We just moved across the country for his career
> ...


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## Margie1993 (Apr 26, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Since your negative feelings started at the time you got pregnant, I suspect that you are suffering from a pregnancy related depression.
> ...



I have told him several times the way I feel. And even last night. He seems to think that just going outside in the sun or going to the gym will fix all my problems. He has suggested counseling but with us having just moved across the country I haven’t had time. And he is too busy with his job to do marriage counseling.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

How old are you, 12? You married some dude after 3 mos and you expect happily ever after? I tried to find some sympathy for you in your story but I can't. Look in the mirror. The person that you see staring back at is is the one responsible for your predicament. End it now, move on and take your lumps and choose more wisely next time. Sorry you don't like criticism but that's why you're here.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Any history of bipolar disorder yourself or any family members? Such dramatic extremes in your feelings toward him in such a short amount of and your highly impulsive behavior would make me at least consider the possibility of the primary cause being organic (pregnancy related, mood disorder, etc). Likely exacerbated by all the major psychosocial stressors you're facing. Definitely something to take seriously and discuss with your healthcare providers


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Betrayedone said:


> How old are you, 12? You married some dude after 3 mos and you expect happily ever after? I tried to find some sympathy for you in your story but I can't. Look in the mirror. The person that you see staring back at is is the one responsible for your predicament. End it now, move on and take your lumps and choose more wisely next time. Sorry you don't like criticism but that's why you're here.


This is more than a bit harsh. Yes, it's wise for a person to date for a year or two before deciding if someone is a good candidate for marriage. But there are people who marry quickly and the marriage lasts a life time. I

The OP needs some help, not to be trashed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Margie1993 said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > @Margie1993
> ...


How long have you been at this new location?

How old are you and he?



Margie1993 said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Do you have a job or are you home alone most of the time?
> ...


It's good that you are starting a job next week, hopefully that will help.

Are you used to have a pretty active social life with friends and family?

You gave up everything and everyone you know and moved to a strange city. Now you are alone most of the time with very little to do. Add pregnancy to that with possible depression due to pregnancy. This all makes sense.

You really do need to see your doctor for help.

If at all possible you should also get into individual counseling. This is about you first before it's about your marriage and your husband. You need to get help handle all this.

You also need to get out of the house. He's right that some kind of exercise will help you. Studies have found that just walking for half to one hour a day works as good as anti-depressants for most people. Why? Because when you exercise, your brain produces and uptakes all kinds of feel-good hormones. Walking and exercise will also help you get through your pregnancy and help you recover from it more quickly. 

Is there a gym near you that you can join? For example many gyms have aerobic classes. Doing aerobics to music and meeting others in the class would really help you... a lot.

What sort of things do you and your husband do together? How many hours a week do you and he spend doing date-like things together?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You began to hate him 2-3 months ago, and you are 12 weeks pregnant.

I am thinking that getting pregnant was the straw that broke the camel's back for you.

You do need to take responsibility for all your actions (going along with his wishes when he "pressured" you into doing things you didn't want to do.)

Stop doing that right now. If you want to remain married to him and work on the marriage, get individual counseling now. Read that book, _Codependent No More_, and _No More Mr. Nice Guy_. NMMNG is good book for codependent women to read. You will see that giving in only creates resentment. You need to not be afraid of standing your ground and letting him be upset if that is what he chooses.

Two more good books that both of you need to read now are: _Love Busters_ by Willard Harley, and _His Needs Her Needs_ by Willard Harley.

If you want to divorce him and don't want the baby, divorce him and let him keep the baby. 

After 8 months you won't get any alimony, but at your age and with your abilities you don't need it.

Learn from your mistakes, or you will make the same ones again.


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

Margie1993 said:


> Hello. My husband and I got married after 3 months of dating/knowing each other. I had never met someone that I clicked with in the way we did. He made me excited and happy. I truly believed he was my soul mate. And he felt the same way. We’ve been married now for 8 months and I’ve never been so unhappy in my life. I hate him. The sound of his voice. His face. Everything about him just puts me in a bad mood. I’m also 12 weeks pregnant. I hate that too. I feel like he pressured me in to getting married so fast. He pressured me into stopping birth control. He pressured me in to buying a house and living in a state that I absolutely hate. And he’s always so happy about it. Which makes me angrier.
> I keep a journal, that was the only outlet I had from him. And he told me he read it. How can I trust him? That is my most private thoughts and feelings. I resent him for the things he’s pressured me into doing. I never wanted kids. I hate kids. I never wanted to own a home.
> I guess I’m just trying to find out if there’s any hope. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to be a failure. But I don’t want to go to counseling with him because that would mean I have to be around him. I truly think if I could go back to my old life - my own house, freedom, friends - I would be much happier. I feel like he would too. I told him all of my concerns last night and he just kept saying “if you want a divorce just say it” “if you don’t want to fight for us just say it” which I know sounds like he cares. But I feel like he just doesn’t want to be the one to end it.
> 
> ...



my advice: please inform your husband how you REALLY feel, offer him to raise the child on his own because you hate children (in this case, you shouldn't have children). Give him a clean divorce so he can find a loving wife. i truly believe he deserves that. please do not harm the baby!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Margie1993 said:


> Hello. My husband and I got married after 3 months of dating/knowing each other. I had never met someone that I clicked with in the way we did. He made me excited and happy. I truly believed he was my soul mate. And he felt the same way. We’ve been married now for 8 months and I’ve never been so unhappy in my life. I hate him. The sound of his voice. His face. Everything about him just puts me in a bad mood. I’m also 12 weeks pregnant. I hate that too. I feel like he pressured me in to getting married so fast. He pressured me into stopping birth control. He pressured me in to buying a house and living in a state that I absolutely hate. And he’s always so happy about it. Which makes me angrier.
> I keep a journal, that was the only outlet I had from him. And he told me he read it. How can I trust him? That is my most private thoughts and feelings. I resent him for the things he’s pressured me into doing. I never wanted kids. I hate kids. I never wanted to own a home.
> I guess I’m just trying to find out if there’s any hope. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to be a failure. But I don’t want to go to counseling with him because that would mean I have to be around him. I truly think if I could go back to my old life - my own house, freedom, friends - I would be much happier. I feel like he would too. I told him all of my concerns last night and he just kept saying “if you want a divorce just say it” “if you don’t want to fight for us just say it” which I know sounds like he cares. But I feel like he just doesn’t want to be the one to end it.
> 
> ...


so... what does he do that you resent him for? what behaviors does he need to change? or do you just resent him for the fact that you chose to marry him, move across the country, and get pregnant? if the latter is the case, you are likely suffering depression, which is going to cause you to have a lot of negative emotions. a lot of times, depression makes everything seem negative. you will know this is the case if you cant put your finger on anything he does. if you dont know exactly why you hate him, then its probably hormones screwing with your head. 

can you list the things that he does that you resent him for?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

i think you have gone through and overwhelming amount of change. And it does seem that maybe you have been quite passive in the relationship up until now. You chose to get married despite your claim that he pushed it, you are now pregnant because you claim he pressured you to stop it, again you allowed HIM to sway you. Why have you allowed him to call the shots? If indeed you were feeling pressured you have a duty to yourself to stand up and say no! 

Now I understand about hating kids. Im not too fond of kids myself. I hate taking care of them, ugh! But i chose to have three. Yeah... Biology man, or temporary insanity... But I was pretty unhappy about it at times too! But i got to tell ya, my little stars, my boys are hilarious and make me see that I have done well in life even if my other projects and wishes and aspirations never pan out. They are my pride now.... But im not on cloud nine. No... I fear I was last happy before I was 20 years old. Being an adult is not about being happy... To be honest chasing it has brought more misery than acceptance. 

Now, within reason I think you need a therapist. I dont think you are crazy! I just think you are going through a lot of changes really fast and need and outlet for your emotions. Or you can message me! I dont think you are terrible for not being happy about having a baby. 

Good luck!


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

When emotions come into play, we tend to make bad choices. Not always though. First off it can be your hormones making you fee that way. Talk to your doctor because it is not uncommon to feel the way you do. https://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-and-antidepressants#1

I got engaged to my wife 20 days after we met and then married in a few months. I was a full time college student and my wife was our main financial support. I had 3 part time jobs plus a full course load. If you want to talk about bad starts to a marriage, then listen to this. My wife fell ill the night of our wedding. She was confined to bed for what turned out to be 1 1/2 years. I had quit college and abandoned my dreams for the future so that I could take a full time job and pay for some in-home care for my wife when our parents could not be there. Of course sex was not on the menu for most of our first 1 1/2 years of marriage. My wife got better but had a relapse that put her in bed again for a few more months. I had a day and a night job and could not pay our medical bills. I was being called day and night and just told them all that I have no money and they can have whatever they can carry from my house. The hospital and our primary doctor forgave our debt so that made life easier. At times I asked myself what I was doing marrying a girl I just met and who has greatly altered all the plans I had for myself. Plus she became sterile due to many operations for endometrioses which surgery was the only know way to deal with in back in our day. I hung in their and happy that I did. We are now very happily married over 46 years. 

Feelings change especially when we are subject to stress and unhappiness with the situation we are placed in. It happened to me. In your case, I suspect hormones have a lot to do with it and I saw this same thing with my best friend who got his 17 year old girlfriend pregnant and then married her right away. She hated him for getting her pregnant, even though she was half to blame. She move out of their apartment and came back a month before the birth of her baby. Then she had post partum depression and called my wife asking her to take her baby from her. They remained married for 20 year before the age difference between them took effect. Once again I advise that you talk to your doctor as what you feel is something other pregnant wives feel too.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Margie1993 said:


> I didn’t hate him when we got married. I was crazy about him. I started to resent him maybe 2-3 months ago. I also didn’t come here to be talked down to. I’m actually looking for advice or suggestions. Maybe somebody has gone through something similar.


Not long after you got pregnant. 

Have you talk with your doctor about this? My wife’s personality change during her pregnancy. It wasn’t as severe as yours but this might be due to being pregnant. 

Please see your doctor.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

annulment ..... adoption


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Margie1993

How are you doing today? 

I hope that some of the harsher replies to you here have not driven you away. On a public forum you are going to get all sorts of replies. Take the ones that help you and ignore the rest.

I would like to still talk with you can see if some of us can help you as I think you are in a situation where you really need support.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> @Margie1993
> 
> How are you doing today?
> 
> ...


I second this margie. Society today makes women feel they need to be happy and over the moon to have a baby... It is not the end all be all for us sometimes. I want to tell you, that you can do amazing things while being married and a mother. You dont need to resent it... BUT i totally get that you do right now. And I do at times. Feel free to pm me, or anyone else that you feel will support you and what you are feeling.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

First step is see your OB/GYN doctor and tell him about this extreme change if feelings that occured at the time of your pregnancy.

I used to be a paramedic and one time I had this woman that was perfectly normal and healthy and was happily married to a normal, decent guy.

Starting with weeks of getting pregnant she went from perfectly normal and healthy and happy to severely depressed and dispondant and coo coo for coco puffs. 

One day when she was approx 3-4 months along she took off with the car and was just driving randomly around the countryside. She was driving through a small farm town while school was getting and the were kids walking home along the street.

A train was coming through town and gates of the railroad crossing came down. She stopped at the crossing and when the train was about a block away she got out of the car with the car still idling in park and stood on the tracks and watched the train approach.

The engineer knew exactly what she was doing when she got out of the car and he locked up the brakes but it was going 40+ MPH and took about half a mile to stop.

She stood on the tracks with a bunch of school children watching while waiting at the crossing and let the train splat her like a bug on a windshield.

She was perfectly normal and happy the day before she got pregnant.

Please see your doctor first and discuss this thoroughly with him/her and see if this may be a hormal imbalance or complication of the pregnancy.

Perhaps this is all because your H is an ass, but eliminate the possibility of a medical/hormonal issue or complication of the pregnancy first.


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## discern (Jan 1, 2013)

First of all, I am sorry about what you are going through. It's heart breaking. I've been there. Your hubby sounds manipulative. Hence the deep resentment in you - making you make decisions you hate. It's painful. 2 things; you need to learn to be more assertive; and you need to learn to discern when you're being manipulated. Before you decide to leave, learn this skill. If he truly loves you, he'll accept the new assertive you. Good luck!


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

"He pressured me in to buying a house and living in a state that I absolutely hate." Some things can be worked out and some can't. Generally a woman should have the primary say in where people live. What are the reasons you live there and can you move. I know my mom didn't like the rural town we moved to and while she was quite assertive on many things, made the mistake of not demanding a change.


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## troubledmind (Mar 13, 2013)

Margie1993 said:


> Hello. My husband and I got married after 3 months of dating/knowing each other. I had never met someone that I clicked with in the way we did. He made me excited and happy. I truly believed he was my soul mate. And he felt the same way. We’ve been married now for 8 months and I’ve never been so unhappy in my life. I hate him. The sound of his voice. His face. Everything about him just puts me in a bad mood. I’m also 12 weeks pregnant. I hate that too. I feel like he pressured me in to getting married so fast. He pressured me into stopping birth control. He pressured me in to buying a house and living in a state that I absolutely hate. And he’s always so happy about it. Which makes me angrier.
> I keep a journal, that was the only outlet I had from him. And he told me he read it. How can I trust him? That is my most private thoughts and feelings. I resent him for the things he’s pressured me into doing. I never wanted kids. I hate kids. I never wanted to own a home.
> I guess I’m just trying to find out if there’s any hope. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to be a failure. But I don’t want to go to counseling with him because that would mean I have to be around him. I truly think if I could go back to my old life - my own house, freedom, friends - I would be much happier. I feel like he would too. I told him all of my concerns last night and he just kept saying “if you want a divorce just say it” “if you don’t want to fight for us just say it” which I know sounds like he cares. But I feel like he just doesn’t want to be the one to end it.
> 
> ...



“Most people seem to believe that if a relationship doesn’t last until death, it’s a failure. But the only relationship that’s truly a failure is one that lasts longer than it should. The success of a relationship should be measured by its depth, not by its length.” 
That’s a quote from a book I read awhile back. 
There are a few topics I want to touch on in your post. And I am not calling you out, judging you or attacking you in anyway. I haven’t personally been in your situation but I can some what relate. And I understand. I’m not sure where to start so hopefully I can’t get all my points out. You seem to have a lot of resentment towards your husband and I don’t think all of it is justified. All the “he made me” and “he forced me” don’t seem right. If he physically forced you, then there’s a problem there. But if you did something on your own free will, even if you didn’t want to, then it was still your choice. It’s hard but if you can change the way you see a lot of those issues and take responsibility for your actions and choices, then some of that resentment towards your husband may fade. Then there’s the journal. Which I really understand. My wife did the same thing to me when we were just dating. And she didn’t see it as a big deal. Journals are an excellent way to be yourself and reflect on yourself and kind of get all this tangled mess out of your head. It’s your own personal life and someone just comes along and reads it. It’s not right. Or at least I thought so. Marriage is three parts. You are one part, he is another, and the relationship is it’s own part. Whenever you keep stuff to yourself and/or just write it down on paper, it may feed you, make you feel good. But it’s not good for that third part(the relationship). The way I personally fixed this in my marriage is to still use my journal. But then I go over what I wrote with my wife so she can understand where my head is and what’s going on with me. Yes it was scary in the beggining. No one likes being that open and vulnerable, but when you do. It feeds that relationship. There’s so much more to touch on here too. You are looking ahead in your life and you are dreading it. No one can be happy if they are constantly thinking “man, can I be with this for the rest of my life?” If you are constantly looking back to the last, it’s just as bad. Be here in the moment and ask yourself “do I choose to love him now?” Don’t think about how it used to be or what can happen in the future, do you choose to love him now, in this moment. If yes then communicate, work through it and be happy, if no, then end it. The only unhealthy relationship is one that lasts longer than it should.


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## mmmniple (Dec 16, 2012)

Hello,first said i am sorry to read what you are feeling now : this is so dificult... 

As someone has posted it is no strange than a women became in a depression when she get pregnant and i am sure this is her case.

I know what a depression is on first person because i have been with this "matter" from over 20 years old ago ,some times i felt as if i have nothing but others i felt it on myself.Unfortunatly ,on my case,it seems i will have to take pills over all my live ,it seems they are nothing psychological and simply my body doesnt create the substances.

i understand plenty how do you feel. Some people thinks one should felt guilty,depress,..but it seems no many people really understand it plenty: it can be accompained of other feelings as anger,hate,disconforming...

i also had feeling this,and other stupid things it is dificult to understand as to hate what has been my favourite meal without know why,and make me throw back it if i eat.This kind of changes on a simple night.

About the people who have judge (from to marry so soon,"Your hubby sounds manipulative."..) PLEASE STOP 

it doesnt help : this person has a huge problem ,she is enought confused herself to others create more doubts ,ghost or negative thinking on her mind.

My advice is you should let him to read this thread : at the begining he felt bad,guilty,.. but this is no easy for anyone .
And the next is go to a doctor ,this part is essential (One of my huge mistakes was wait over 1 age liying myself and others until i was to see a doc,maybe if i have no wait so many time all will be diferent).

If you are his husband : it is normal than you dont understand anything (my family still doesnt).They are people than try understand why these feeling,if he/she is the problem...but no: you will no solve anything lost your time with that.

You MUST be with her,take care about her : it is very important than you help her on this moment and i am sure yourself felt lost but go on.
Listen her,no felt bad or judged ,let her to express who felt altought what she can said hurt you.
if you love her,THIS is the moment to show her.Go to a doctor with her.
Her life,and your baby is on danger,depression is no a joke.

Also it is important the help of friends,family..she will need all suport she can (and the person who live with her also need help)



For finishing i would like said than all have solution,and one of the best tips i had given was no take decissions when you felt than you are on this bad moments.

i wish you than this stop soon and you could go on the beautifull life you began (or in case ,but as i said before,it will take almost some moths begining to take decision about if you want divorce..but not now)

if you have questions,need any advices... my mail is open.

(Ah,excuse me my languaje: i am no english and this matter make me so sensitive than i am sure i could make lots of mistakes while writing)
good luck!
yours
Dani


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## mmmniple (Dec 16, 2012)

Margie1993 said:


> I have told him several times the way I feel. And even last night. He seems to think that just going outside in the sun or going to the gym will fix all my problems. He has suggested counseling but with us having just moved across the country I haven’t had time. And he is too busy with his job to do marriage counseling.


Hi again.I have said on my post this is very common.For that you should let him to read all the thread.
it take some time to accept than there are a problem ,than it is true,very important .. we are talking about your health.

One huge problem about mental health is this : it is so dificult to understand .. it is no so easy as if your arm is broken ,which can be seen easily..
good luck!

For husband : Please dont be fool,it is no a joke.We are talking about your wife,her health .. and you baby.
About if pills can hurt the baby the doctor will choose what are the best for avoid problems.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

It sounds to me like you have a serious case of depression. All the changes in your life combined with the huge hormonal changes you are going through are creating intense emotions and you are dealing by blaming you husband. I strongly like others have that you talk to your OB and get recommendations on good therapists or psychologists. What you are going through is actually fairly common, every woman I know has had completely different experiences with their pregnancies. 

I think you need to get some outside help and involve your husband so he can learn how he can support you. In the end all this turmoil could bring you closer than ever.


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## rayz50 (May 10, 2018)

Let's face it, you have through a ton of changes in the last 11 months. New boyfriend, now new husband, new home, new town, and now a baby on the way. My wife and I got married 9 months after we met, and were pregnant with our first of three kids within a year. We moved to a new state three months into our marriage, and found out we were pregnant shortly there after. I give you this background to say that I have walked in your shoes. Our first three years of marriage were rough. We did not know how to communicate, and would have blowups over something as simple as what color blue to paint the guest room. Neither of us were good at letting the other know what was going on inside of us. My wife also wrote in a journal daily. Finally she asked me to sit and read her thoughts and prayers because she did not know how to talk to me about them. She explained to me that she loved me, but that she was dealing with very mixed emotions about our relationship. Her words did nothing to prepare me for what I read in her journal. Reading about her struggles was hard, and a recurring theme was "I would not leave him for another man, but if someone offered me a one bedroom apartment with no kids, I would be gone in a heart beat." 
We stumbled through the first two years of our marriage. How we did not kill each other, or permanently scar our first child, I will never know. Then we started sitting aside one night a week to just talk about whatever was bothering us. We began to keep a journal together that was really a blessing to or marriage. It was a safe place to vent our feelings when we didn't know how to express them face to face. 
Now 15 years, and three children later, we are happier than we have ever been. Life is great. And that little "Gripe Journal" has become a place where we leave each other words of encouragement and love notes, because we have figured out how to have the hard conversations.
Best of luck to both of you.


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