# A question for the men of TAM.



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Now if your wife/fiance/girlfriend was pregnant... (if you have had one) would you start limiting her on what she did throughout the day? Limit when she could go to the store, when she could clean, what she could lift, ect? If so... why would you do this? Do you see her as fragile?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Just figured i need to add... Yes this has to do with my own relationship. Recently my husbands been doing the above, which he never did with the first and barely during the second but for some reason with this pregnancy he's refused to let me clean as long as i want, go to the store or more then once or twice a week or if going to the store... he will refuse to let me go to more then one store. He won't let me lift anything over like five pounds... this includes the kids and he gets irate as hell if i move the tv or the kid's bed, ect. It irks me and i have to remind him I'm not fragile and I'm perfectly capable of doing more then he thinks i should be doing. If i make a comment about being nauseous... it seems like he uses that as a weapon to keep me from doing things as often as i would like. I would like to know if any other men are the same way...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

And if so... why?


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

If her Doc said that she needed to limit her activity for her and the babies safety and/or health she would be on lockdown so quick that her head would spin.

Other then that no. I wouldn't. She wouldnt be the first woman to have a baby and certainly not the last. You chicks are tough cookies


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Now if your wife/fiance/girlfriend was pregnant... (if you have had one) would you start limiting her on what she did throughout the day? Limit when she could go to the store, when she could clean, what she could lift, ect? If so... why would you do this? Do you see her as fragile?



Its really quite honorable. I'm guilty, I needed to protect her and pamper her. My advice, let yourself enjoy being taken care of a little.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well my wife had placenta previa on the first child, so yes I was protective and jumping up to do things so she wouldnt, etc

the 2nd was way more lax, in fact I fell asleep in the delivery room before it was time to push (something my wife will never let me live down)


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I would think it is part of many men's protection mechanism. Men like myself are hardwired to protect our family. I can't remember being overly this way with my wife, but I bet I was to some extent.

I just dropped my wife off at the airport. I got out of the car and got her suticase for her. I was brought up this way. Where I live today doing these things for a woman period are still the norm. I know that was not your question. That said, most husbands are significantly stronger than their wives so we pickup things quite readily.

Her first baby came out sideways


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> Its really quite honorable. I'm guilty, I needed to protect her and pamper her. My advice, let yourself enjoy being taken care of a little.


My husband would try to pamper me also... but he also knew I would never do anything in this world to jeopardize a pregnancy, I was always very sensible. I generally was reading 3 books on anything that can hurt a growing baby, from the foods I eat to (certain cheeses), too heavy of lifting, what diseases could cause problems to the fetus if you are exposed (5th disease is one)... to things I breathed in my body...etc. I was a walking encyclopedia of how to handle a safe pregnancy. I knew way more than my husband did- cause he is not a reader. 

There was a lady I worked with in my youth, she went out riding horses -thought nothing of it -trodding while pregnant, she lost that baby.... I would never in a zillion years do something like that. 



> *Gaia said*: he gets irate as hell if i move the tv or the kid's bed


 See, I would likely not do this... we all feel like superwoman - but better to be safe than sorry..it only takes a moment. I recall reading something about -if you stretch your arms over your head too high in the last trimester, it has the possibilty to wrap the cord around the babies neck,I wanted to play it safe. 

Is it safe to move furniture while I'm pregnant? | BabyCenter

Dangerous Work During Pregnancy - FamilyEducation.com

It sounds your husband is showing how much he loves & cares for you & this baby, this is something to smile huge about !  All upcoming fathers should feel this way! :smthumbup:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Although the tv and bed are light as heck .. and no i don't move the beds if the kids are in them since thats an extra 20 to 30 lbs but i do move the beds when cleaning. What I'm a tad irked about is last night. We went to walmart, got a few things and afterwards i remembered i had to get some hair ties. I told him to stop at the dollar tree so i could run in and get some, he said... "No... your not running and doing anything." I then told him that i wasn't literally going to run .. i would walk into the store and get the hair ties. He STILL refused and said i could get them later or he would go get them the next day. I mean.. we were RIGHT there and I swear.. he acted as if I would keel over if i just went to pick up a thing of hair ties!! That and he refused to let me finish cleaning last night.. which he KNOWS irks the heck out of me. He KNOWS I'm ocd about that. Sure this pregnancy has been a bit difficult compared to the last two but i really think he's over reacting...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> Its really quite honorable. I'm guilty, I needed to protect her and pamper her. My advice, let yourself enjoy being taken care of a little.


That there is hard to do.... considering i was never pampered before in my life!! lol


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Geesh


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Just figured i need to add... Yes this has to do with my own relationship. Recently my husbands been doing the above, which he never did with the first and barely during the second but for some reason with this pregnancy he's refused to let me clean as long as i want, go to the store or more then once or twice a week or if going to the store... he will refuse to let me go to more then one store. He won't let me lift anything over like five pounds... this includes the kids and he gets irate as hell if i move the tv or the kid's bed, ect. It irks me and i have to remind him I'm not fragile and I'm perfectly capable of doing more then he thinks i should be doing. If i make a comment about being nauseous... it seems like he uses that as a weapon to keep me from doing things as often as i would like. I would like to know if any other men are the same way...


So...you're husband wants you to relax, and you're mad at him for making you relax? Dude.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I didn't say I was mad.. I said i was a bit irritated because i feel he's being a bit to over protective. And no I didn't say it offended my ego but to not stop and get hair ties when we were right there... seems a bit much to me.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

too*


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I wouldn't unless I thought she was over doing it.

I'd give him some leeway Gaia he's just concerned and men don't often understand pregnancy.

He's just doing what he feels is best for you.

I know it's Probably driving you nuts but just have a talk with him and humor as much of it as you can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Well any seriously good husband would force his wife to remain down the pit shovelling coal and making the tea for the men in her breaks until her waters have broken!


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I didn't say I was mad.. I said i was a bit irritated because i feel he's being a bit to over protective. And no I didn't say it offended my ego but to not stop and get hair ties when we were right there... seems a bit much to me.


 

I'm just saying, from my perspective (woman being divorced by husband who quite frankly couldn't be bothered), this seems really sweet.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Now if your wife/fiance/girlfriend was pregnant... (if you have had one) would you start limiting her on what she did throughout the day? Limit when she could go to the store, when she could clean, what she could lift, ect? If so... why would you do this? Do you see her as fragile?


I never let my wife lift anything heavy while she was pregnant. --Probably just a generational thing


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No my husband did not do this with any of my 3 pregnancies. I'm pretty independent and worked hard up until the very last minute. Fragile even while pregnant is not a word anyone would ever use to describe me. Lol


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Always wondered about those who guys who treated them mean but kept them keen while the seriously good Men out there got not only unappreciated and a bucket full of ingratitude from their wives but also b!tched and moaned about by them as well.



Gaia, the above is a bit tongue in cheek. But I do it in the “small hope” that I can wake you up out of your very self-centred slumber.

You are seriously blessed with your husband, yet you decry him to total strangers on the internet. He’d probably be heartbroken if he knew about it but such is his deep love for you he’d shake it off and carry on.

Give him a kiss and a really big hug and tell him just how grateful you are that he’s with you and NOT another woman. You don’t know what you are blessed with and because of that you may well lose him. Not now, but in the future if you carry on the way you are.

I really wish you well with your pregnancy and the birth of your new child.

Bob


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Gaia said:


> And if so... why?


My mother had a series of miscarriages. I saw the effect it had on her. She was told by physicians that it was from physical exertion. 

I don't know if doctors still think that way now and again, it's probably just a generational thing.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I think he is concerned with you and your wellbeing.along with the babys he is trying to show you
He loves you and wants to make sure your ok imo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

AFEH said:


> Always wondered about those who guys who treated them mean but kept them keen while the seriously good Men out there got not only unappreciated and a bucket full of ingratitude from their wives but also b!tched and moaned about by them as well.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



AFEH I understand if your a tad bitter from past experiences and I can see how you would jump to conclusions but just because I say this NEW behavior is a bit overwhelming for me and gets me a tad irritated does not mean I do not appreciate my husband. I've told him and shown him on more then one occasion that I do appreciate the gesture but I would appreciate if he doesn't over do it. It's not about not appreciating nor is it about griping. He did not act this way with the first two pregnancies and I was merely trying to see.. from a guys perspective why he would change so drastically. I merely wished to see what would possess anyone to act in such a manner, since as I've stated before, I've never came across this sort of behavior before. Do not go about assuming I don't appreciate him nor am i grateful he's with me and not another woman. I'm not a stranger to infidelity AFEH and neither is he and this does not mean he may have not thought about it before. Like I've stated in another post, we have had our ups and downs and as far as i know.. no he hasn't cheated but that doesn't mean I will ignorantly think he won't later on. Bottom line.. I've never taken him for granted .. nor will I but that doesn't mean I am not entitled to be confused, overwhelmed, or irritated by things I don't quite understand.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

The reason why I do limint Gaia from stressfull activity is because she is preg and she dose have to take it easy and not do as much. I am not making her just stay home in bed ll say just reminding her to take it easy. I clearly saw she was having a hard time in the store so we went right home for some needed rest and that's how it is she is stuborn and it is my job to do what I think is right. The other two were diffrent then this one and she was ok to do that kind of stuff
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Oh my gosh I was not being stubborn. All I wanted to do was go get some hair ties. I didn't say you were wrong for it I just said it irritated me because you didn't do this the last two pregnancies. I asked you exactly what I asked you last night in the car. Why you felt the need to suddenly, in my opinion, over react to any little sigh, groan, or hiccup I make. You didn't give me a clear reason why your suddenly so worried so I wanted to see if any here have ever acted the same.. and if so.. why. You know dang well I want to understand your line of thinking and why it's changed all of a sudden.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

We never had to go to the hospital with any of them so yes I am going to over react till we have the babby and yes I am a very worryed about it and I am going to be for the next two weeks and six days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

No your not selfcentered I really was being a jerk about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Is that what it's all about? Having to stay overnight? You know it was just because i was a tad dehydrated and sure they had put me on bedrest for a few weeks but the next time we went you seen they said I was perfectly capable of normal activity.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

We both did what we always did... UNTIL either she became uncomfortable doing it, or doc said "best not too"... My wife wanted to be as active as possible.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I never said you were being a jerk nor do i think you were being a jerk. I said I felt you were over reacting and that is in no way calling you a jerk. If you think I think your a jerk because of it.. your dead wrong.. I just don't like seeing you practically have a heart attack over every little thing.. such as me stopping to take a rest in the store. I did that with the other two.. in case you forgot.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Accipiter777 said:


> We both did what we always did... UNTIL either she became uncomfortable doing it, or doc said "best not too"... My wife wanted to be as active as possible.


I know I can't be as active as I want to, I know my limits and when to stop but not doing things I am capable of doing makes me feel as if i were being lazy and i hate feeling that way.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

thegatewalker said:


> The reason why I do limint Gaia from stressfull activity is because she is preg and she dose have to take it easy and not do as much. I am not making her just stay home in bed ll say just reminding her to take it easy.* I clearly saw she was having a hard time in the store* so we went right home for some needed rest and that's how it is she is stuborn and it is my job to do what I think is right. The other two were diffrent then this one and she was ok to do that kind of stuff
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There you go! Sounds like my wife, stubbornly overdoing things. She doesn't know when to quit. That may be okay when not pregnant, but when pregnant it really isn't a good idea. I do recall that there is some kind of 'nesting' instinct that compels women to do that kind of stuff as the due date approaches.

If the OP is having a hard time in the store her husband is just looking out for her.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I wouldn't unless I thought she was over doing it.
> 
> I'd give him some leeway Gaia he's just concerned and men don't often understand pregnancy.
> 
> ...


It is driving me nuts and I am trying to talk to him about it lol.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> There you go! Sounds like my wife, stubbornly overdoing things. She doesn't know when to quit. That may be okay when not pregnant, but when pregnant it really isn't a good idea. I do recall that there is some kind of 'nesting' instinct that compels women to do that kind of stuff as the due date approaches.
> 
> If the OP is having a hard time in the store her husband is just looking out for her.


I get that he's looking out but i wasn't having any harder of a time then i had with the first two pregnancies last night. I only stopped to rest for a bit and even though i was trying to make sure we got everything on my list to get.. we still ended up forgetting a few things. Hence why i wanted him to stop at the dollar tree .. which was right there.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> I do recall that there is some kind of 'nesting' instinct that compels women to do that kind of stuff as the due date approaches.
> 
> .


Your probably right on this.. as i've been feeling I NEED to get this or that done by this or that time and that feeling just gets stronger every day but i don't overdo it. I do quit when i feel i need a rest.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A good rule of thumb is never get between a pregnant woman and what she wants to do no matter how insane it sounds.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> A good rule of thumb is never get between a pregnant woman and what she wants to do no matter how insane it sounds.


Oh cmon!!! Were not THAT insane!! lol


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Oh Gaia - your husband is on here, chiming in ....that is wonderful ... Welcome TheGateWalker ! Interesting name.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh Gaia - your husband is on here, chiming in ....that is wonderful ... Welcome TheGateWalker ! Interesting name.


He's sleeping atm.. but I'm sure he'll say thank you later on.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Gaia said:


> I get that he's looking out but i wasn't having any harder of a time then i had with the first two pregnancies last night. I only stopped to rest for a bit and even though i was trying to make sure we got everything on my list to get.. we still ended up forgetting a few things. Hence why i wanted him to stop at the dollar tree .. which was right there.


But you had a trip to the hospital with this pregnancy (if I understand your post exchange correctly), while you did not for the others. That is a difference, and although you may not see it that way, he does. This pregnancy is different than the other two, so in his mind the same rules don't apply. Add to it that the hospital stay likely scared him, and he is now trying to avoid going through that again. 

No big mystery here.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Oh my gosh I was not being stubborn. All I wanted to do was go get some hair ties. I didn't say you were wrong for it I just said it irritated me because you didn't do this the last two pregnancies. I asked you exactly what I asked you last night in the car. Why you felt the need to suddenly, in my opinion, over react to any little sigh, groan, or hiccup I make. You didn't give me a clear reason why your suddenly so worried so I wanted to see if any here have ever acted the same.. and if so.. why. You know dang well I want to understand your line of thinking and why it's changed all of a sudden.


wow.

You are over-reacting to his over-reactness.
What's wrong with it???

Better have a husband who over-worries or one who doesn't worry at all??


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> But you had a trip to the hospital with this pregnancy (if I understand your post exchange correctly), while you did not for the others. That is a difference, and although you may not see it that way, he does. This pregnancy is different than the other two, so in his mind the same rules don't apply. Add to it that the hospital stay likely scared him, and he is now trying to avoid going through that again.
> 
> No big mystery here.


I have doubts it has anything to do with me. 



lovelygirl said:


> wow.
> 
> You are over-reacting to his over-reactness.
> What's wrong with it???
> ...


If you want to call it that then yes. I don't take to changes as well as others and it just makes my anxiety worse.




Pandakiss said:


> girl...that man loves you...thats how men show they care. my husband was very sweet with our first one...even though we were just dumb kids...
> 
> now, im a tough broad...but with the girls, i was thhhiiiis close to being bed rest in the hospital. so i did try and do things, like cook and clean...
> 
> ...


After reading another thread I'm seriously considering just leaving this relationship. I have doubts about him doing things out of love or concern for me. I feel it's mainly for the unborn which irks the hell out of me because in my mind... if he wanted to be so concerned about the safety of the child... he should have done this with the last two. So yes this brings about alot of confusion, resentment, ect and i don't give a damn if some of you think I should just be grateful. He has NOT been this way until recently and frankly... he's only that way about a FEW things and he certainly doesn't try to coddle me like most of you seem to be assuming. Now I have tried and tried to look at all the positives in this but the negatives are really outweighing the positive. I may not state everything about my relationship on here but by no means is it peachy keen. I have been feeling like nothing more then .. "A brood mare" as someone else had put it on another thread and after investing damn near five years in this relationship.. I'm actually quite pissed with the.. "Marriage is just a stupid piece of paper and doesn't mean shyt" attitude. I feel everything that makes marriage special has been devalued. There are too many who seem to think the "piece of paper" "the ring" ect mean nothing and since clearly my "Boyfriend" has this attitude... i honestly feel like leaving. If he doesn't owe me anything .. then I sure as hell don't owe him a damn thing either. Oh and yes I've already said all this to his face so don't go assuming he knows none of it.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

First off like I did tell you earlyer marrage is important to me and I do want it. We don't have the money for engagement rings much less a wedding we hardly get by. I have been doing things like that long befor this it I not something I just got up this morning and said humm I think I will be a man today. Don't mistake me for one of thease boys that can't commit or don't want to in the first place. We are just broke and no I don't think a five dollar ring would cut it for a engagement ring. That would say that I am a joke. I want no need to do it right you and me have been together for almost five years and I am going to make it worth your wait. We have been through a lot together and we have had hard times and good times and you mean more then you know to me. Most women would have bailed at the first signe of trouble but not us we stand together with eachother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh Gaia - your husband is on here, chiming in ....that is wonderful ... Welcome TheGateWalker ! Interesting name.


Thanks for the welcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yeah.. because all i care about is a god damn expensive ring and wedding right? I told you already that it's the THOUGHT that counts when presenting something like that.. not how MUCH it costs! There have been plenty of times when we HAVE had the money and we haven't always been broke. You know what.. just forget it.. I'm done.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

No to everything you said. No limits with the possible exception of lifting things. I would ask her not to lift anything heavier than a baby. So, say 15 - 20 pounds tops.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

Yea and that's not very thought out and it would not be thought out very well and yes coast dose matter and no your not done. We are going to do it right. Don't say you are going to decline me you know I can be convincing wich is why we have two kids and another
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MominMayberry (Mar 27, 2012)

thegatewalker said:


> First off like I did tell you earlyer marrage is important to me and I do want it. We don't have the money for engagement rings much less a wedding we hardly get by. I have been doing things like that long befor this it I not something I just got up this morning and said humm I think I will be a man today. Don't mistake me for one of thease boys that can't commit or don't want to in the first place. We are just broke and no I don't think a five dollar ring would cut it for a engagement ring. That would say that I am a joke. I want no need to do it right you and me have been together for almost five years and I am going to make it worth your wait. We have been through a lot together and we have had hard times and good times and you mean more then you know to me. Most women would have bailed at the first signe of trouble but not us we stand together with eachother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Money is hard for ring but get her pregnant third time? So you have money for kids but not to make mother of your 3 children your wife? You are excuse for man. No you cannot commit. After 5 years and 2 children a pregnancy you can not make her your wife, you dont want to. Dont lie.
I have been married 20 years and dont have wedding ring. You are liar.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

Don't sit there and judge me you have no clue about what's going on nor do you have any clue about what I want fyi I am commited never left her side not once I am far from a sorry excuse for a man. I take care of my house and all that reside in it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Gaia said:


> I have doubts it has anything to do with me.


Why not? What makes you think that?




> After reading another thread I'm seriously considering just leaving this relationship. I have doubts about him doing things out of love or concern for me. I feel it's mainly for the unborn which irks the hell out of me because in my mind... if he wanted to be so concerned about the safety of the child... he should have done this with the last two. So yes this brings about alot of confusion, resentment, ect and i don't give a damn if some of you think I should just be grateful. He has NOT been this way until recently and frankly... he's only that way about a FEW things and he certainly doesn't try to coddle me like most of you seem to be assuming. Now I have tried and tried to look at all the positives in this but the negatives are really outweighing the positive. I may not state everything about my relationship on here but by no means is it peachy keen. I have been feeling like nothing more then .. "A brood mare" as someone else had put it on another thread and after investing damn near five years in this relationship.. I'm actually quite pissed with the.. "Marriage is just a stupid piece of paper and doesn't mean shyt" attitude. I feel everything that makes marriage special has been devalued. There are too many who seem to think the "piece of paper" "the ring" ect mean nothing and since clearly my "Boyfriend" has this attitude... i honestly feel like leaving. If he doesn't owe me anything .. then I sure as hell don't owe him a damn thing either. Oh and yes I've already said all this to his face so don't go assuming he knows none of it.


So while I don't want to attack you, you are going to get a bit of my rant. 

We can't help if you hide information. You give a couple of facts, ask for comments, then dismiss it all with some vague comments about their beign other factors that you don't share.

You can share what you want, but if you do, the advice/comments you get are necessarily limited. Personally, I would prefer if you let us know that up front, so we can then decide if it is worth the effort. I do want to provide advice and help where I can. But as a rule, if I don't think I can (such as when I don't know the facts or have experience in the area), I stay away to avoid doing any harm.

With all that said, I wish you both well, and suggest counseling, as it seems like their are some real issues you to have with each other.


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## Crazy8 (Jun 1, 2012)

thegatewalker said:


> First off like I did tell you earlyer marrage is important to me and I do want it. We don't have the money for engagement rings much less a wedding we hardly get by. I have been doing things like that long befor this it I not something I just got up this morning and said humm I think I will be a man today. Don't mistake me for one of thease boys that can't commit or don't want to in the first place. We are just broke and no I don't think a five dollar ring would cut it for a engagement ring. That would say that I am a joke. I want no need to do it right you and me have been together for almost five years and I am going to make it worth your wait. We have been through a lot together and we have had hard times and good times and you mean more then you know to me. Most women would have bailed at the first signe of trouble but not us we stand together with eachother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When my wife and I decided to get married, she didn't have an engagement ring. We couldn't afford it either. Here's the thing. We didn't need it. We went, got married, and we got each other cheap little wedding bands. I still wear my cheap wedding band, though. I love it. It means something to me. I have a more expensive one, but I wear the cheap one. That's my style. My wife? She loves her new ring, so she wears it everywhere.

The point is, you don't need an engagement ring. You don't need a lot of money. Poor people get married all of the time.

My wife just wanted to get married. She didn't care how it happened. So we made it happen. Don't let pride and vanity get in the way of love and commitment. Otherwise it makes you look like you don't want to make the commitment.

I don't know you. I can't possibly judge you. I just know that promising big things, and not delivering sounds a lot like stringing someone along and leading them on. You don't want to be that guy.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

thegatewalker said:


> Yea and that's not very thought out and it would not be thought out very well and yes coast dose matter and no your not done. We are going to do it right. Don't say you are going to decline me you know I can be convincing wich is why we have two kids and another
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You really need to clarify what you mean by "Do it right" and about your last post.... yeah ok you ****y mofo.  




MominMayberry said:


> You are excuse for man.


If your calling him a sorry excuse for a man.. please don't do so again. It's one thing to state an opinion, arguement, ect but that is a declared personal attack in my eyes and i would appreciate if it don't happen again. 



Tall Average Guy said:


> Why not? What makes you think that?
> 
> *Since this is easier I'll address a few points inside this quote. Why not? I ask myself this alot and the main reason seems to be because I have come to believe I'm not worth it.. after being told this so many times throughout my life.*
> 
> ...


Yes we know this.. and probably more so for myself then him but this counseling probably won't be able to happen for another few months so we have been trying to manage the best we can. Thank you though for the helpful "rant"  




Crazy8 said:


> sounds a lot like stringing someone along and leading them on.



This is what I've been feeling he's been doing. Anyway I believe I went off topic with my whole marriage nonsense. I had been feeling overwhelmed, depressed, ect and basically let alot of things get to me that shouldn't have so i apologize everyone for letting this get off topic.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Yes we know this.. and probably more so for myself then him but this counseling probably won't be able to happen for another few months so we have been trying to manage the best we can. Thank you though for the helpful "rant"


Who tells you that you are not worth it?

I glad that you took my "rant" in the spirit that it was intended.  Not sure what additional advice I can provide, other than noting that when my wife had some issues with her second pregnancy, I did a lot more for her (including things she could clearly do) until I understood that she really was fine. Part was for the baby but part was for her. As a man, it is a pretty powerless feeling to watch your wife who is carrying your child go through something, even if it is minor.

Good luck.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Who tells you that you are not worth it?
> 
> I glad that you took my "rant" in the spirit that it was intended.  Not sure what additional advice I can provide, other than noting that when my wife had some issues with her second pregnancy, I did a lot more for her (including things she could clearly do) until I understood that she really was fine. Part was for the baby but part was for her. As a man, it is a pretty powerless feeling to watch your wife who is carrying your child go through something, even if it is minor.
> 
> Good luck.


For the most part.. my relatives. They have been a very big negative influence throughout my life. This... "*As a man, it is a pretty powerless feeling to watch your wife who is carrying your child go through something, even if it is minor.*" Makes me feel guilty if he does feel this. I don't want him to constantly worry or feel helpless. I prefer seeing him happy vs worried if that makes any sense...


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Sure did. It was her primary responsibility to incubate that baby and my primary responsibility to protect them both...

So I did. Even if it meant I had to protect her from herself.


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## InTheBedIMade (May 20, 2012)

I've had a few kids and each time I was all over everything. I LOVED seeing the baby bump and it motivated the hell out of me to clean, cook, run to the store at midnight or later for ridiculous cravings. 
oh, to be young again.

carrying my baby was the one favor I could never return to my wife so I tried everything else. I'm sure that has some part in it as well.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Gaia said:


> For the most part.. my relatives. They have been a very big negative influence throughout my life.


If your husband is not one of them, why do you doubt that he might be doing it for you (or at least you and your child)?



> This... "*As a man, it is a pretty powerless feeling to watch your wife who is carrying your child go through something, even if it is minor.*" Makes me feel guilty if he does feel this. I don't want him to constantly worry or feel helpless. I prefer seeing him happy vs worried if that makes any sense...


Don't feel guilty, just understand it if that is what it is. My wife did not do anything, yet I still felt powerless to protect her or our child. It was completely out of my hands. When the symptoms passed, I did continue to go overboard for a bit - it was my way to feel like I was doing *something, anything* to be help and protect her. It was not her, it was me trying to deal with the situation. In that sense, this is on your husband - just understand it may be from a good place. I can't tell you if that is his motivation, just giving you my personal perspective.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> If your husband is not one of them, why do you doubt that he might be doing it for you (or at least you and your child)?
> 
> *It's hard to break out of that mentality but I am trying. *
> 
> Don't feel guilty, just understand it if that is what it is. My wife did not do anything, yet I still felt powerless to protect her or our child. It was completely out of my hands. When the symptoms passed, I did continue to go overboard for a bit - it was my way to feel like I was doing *something, anything* to be help and protect her. It was not her, it was me trying to deal with the situation. In that sense, this is on your husband - just understand it may be from a good place. I can't tell you if that is his motivation, just giving you my personal perspective.


It's hard not to feel guilty, bad, ect but I am trying lol.


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## marriedglad (Dec 5, 2011)

My wife is 8 and a half months pregnant right now, and yes I have limited her workload. She still cooks for me, but there aren't many other things that I let her do. Right now she's with her mom, and I keep visiting her weekly, and so her mother does most of the work at the house. Although the doctor has said that she can move around and be active and do a lot of things, I still prefer that she takes plenty of rest while engaging in enough walking and other activities at the same time. 

Women are very delicate when they are pregnant. As the months keep progressing, the baby kicks get harder and harder. She has a lot to deal with on her own with everything, lessening her work is the least a husband can do for his wife.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Have you talked to him openly on why he's this way, maybe he hears something at work that has him concerned or something. I don't think he's trying to be mean hun unless there is something you are leaving out.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Let me guess... the first two kids were girls and this one is a boy?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

sculley said:


> Have you talked to him openly on why he's this way, maybe he hears something at work that has him concerned or something. I don't think he's trying to be mean hun unless there is something you are leaving out.


Yep.. I've talked to him and still am. It's an ongoing process.. and I never indicated he was being mean. I just said it was overwhelming and frusterating. 



Bottled Up said:


> Let me guess... the first two kids were girls and this one is a boy?


Nope.. first two... one girl and one boy.. this ones a girl. 



FrenchFry said:


> It's HARD for women with a huge independant streak to be told "sit down princess, you are just SO FRAGILE right now!!!!" tried to be as normal as possible so every "no let me get that" felt like a "no you stupid fragile vessel, sit down and incubate."
> 
> *Yep.. this is pretty much what it feels like lol*
> 
> I get where he was coming from too though, it's terrifying for men to know that YOU and YOU alone are the only one who can protect your baby right now, and so to alleviate the worry they want to proterct YOU (YOU who is carrying HIS child.) I like that you guys are hashing it out and will find compromise.


Thank you and yep... this is still an ongoing thing... lol and the funny thing is... the babys due june 27th. So... he will probably keep it up till then lol.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Trenton said:


> You know I'm not a dude but my husband behaved similarly. When I asked him why he said...you're carrying our child and trying to help as much as I can is all I can do.
> 
> So what I got from this is...
> 
> ...


If he had given that answer instead of.... "Because I don't want you to..." Or the other answers along those lines.. sure it would be easier to cope with.. because then he is actually explaining something... but more often then not.. he just gives me a short response that seems more demanding then anything. So.. since i hadn't been given a reason.. i looked here to see the responses and possible reasons.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Trenton said:


> Maybe communication is not his strong suit? Just make crap up and make sure it's really good so that living with a man who doesn't communicate is fun and somewhat less confusing. Come on, we do it to animals all the time on the internet...


:lol:


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## Mime (Jun 20, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I didn't say I was mad.. I said i was a bit irritated because i feel he's being a bit too over protective.


I don't think there *is* such a thing as being too protective towards one's wife and unborn baby.

You wouldn't dream of doing something that *you* perceived as risky, while you're pregnant. 

He simply sees risks where you don't see risks. I think you're just going to have to accept that until the baby is born.

Btw, the reason he responds to you with a terse "Because I don't want you to" may be because he's more than a little annoyed at you for not being as scrupulously careful as he is.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Yes, he's worried about you. It's a natural instinct to want to protect you.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Mime said:


> I don't think there *is* such a thing as being too protective towards one's wife and unborn baby.
> 
> *Probably not and thank you for sharing that point of view*
> 
> ...


*Sorry this just made me giggle. Although he is a TAD more careful in SOME aspects.. there are others.. such as not allowing me to simply walk into a store to get some hair ties that I feel are over reacting. *



Drover said:


> Yes, he's worried about you. It's a natural instinct to want to protect you.


^^This.. I feel he should have felt BEFORE a THIRD pregnancy and hospital visit but I do understand he's still getting the hang of things so it's alright sometimes.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Gaia said:


> ^^This.. I feel he should have felt BEFORE a THIRD pregnancy and hospital visit but I do understand he's still getting the hang of things so it's alright sometimes.


I will go back and note that you were hospitalized for this pregnancy and not for the others. However brief and unimportant it might be to you, it likely woke him up as to how pregnancy physically affects you.

Also, any possibility of resentment by you here? You resent that he did not do this for the first two pregnancies, so you are punishing him for doing what you wanted for this one? He changed for the better, so you are mad at that? Not sure, but this is one reading I took from your posts.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

How is being a bit annoyed punishing him? No I'm not mad he is changing for the better but sudden changes take me awhile to cope and adapt too and yes I do tend to get a bit annoyed and aggravated if it's something out of the norm and sure i went to the hospital but it was only due to dehydration which was easily fixed. As I stated before.. his behavior.. is a sudden change.. his over reacting tends to set off my anxiety levels which makes the situation more stressful for me then it should have been. In no way does that mean I'm punishing him.. that's just my anxiety and yes I've expressed to him that it's fine to worry and all but he doesn't need to over react. As long as he stays calm about something.. it's fine... but if he doesn't... then it stresses me out and hypes me up which isn't good either. Not sure if I'm wording this right but I do want to make it clear that I don't see how wanting him to be calmer is punishing him.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Gaia said:


> ^^This.. I feel he should have felt BEFORE a THIRD pregnancy and hospital visit but I do understand he's still getting the hang of things so it's alright sometimes.


This ^^^ I'm stating it would have been nice and helpful if he did express more concern in the last two pregnancies BUT not in the extreme manner he is now and I'm stating that although he didn't... I'm well aware he is changing for the better and I'm coping.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Yep.. I've talked to him and still am. It's an ongoing process.. and I never indicated he was being mean. I just said it was overwhelming and frusterating.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well it least he cares some guys run away during this time just hang in their it will be okay


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> Well it least he cares some guys run away during this time just hang in their it will be okay


lol I am and I know. Thanks ITW


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Gaia said:


> How is being a bit annoyed punishing him? No I'm not mad he is changing for the better but sudden changes take me awhile to cope and adapt too and yes I do tend to get a bit annoyed and aggravated if it's something out of the norm and sure i went to the hospital but it was only due to dehydration which was easily fixed. As I stated before.. his behavior.. is a sudden change.. his over reacting tends to set off my anxiety levels which makes the situation more stressful for me then it should have been. In no way does that mean I'm punishing him.. that's just my anxiety and yes I've expressed to him that it's fine to worry and all but he doesn't need to over react. As long as he stays calm about something.. it's fine... but if he doesn't... then it stresses me out and hypes me up which isn't good either. Not sure if I'm wording this right but I do want to make it clear that I don't see how wanting him to be calmer is punishing him.


I read more than annoyance in your posts, but if it is not there, then its not. I just note that you have stated multiple times that he should have been more like this with the first two pregnancies. That sure reads like a bit of resentment, even if that is not what you intend. As far as punishing, it does not have to be full on aggression to be punishing. It can be as light as not excepting the good behavior/acts (e.g., you hurt me before, so I refuse to acknowledge your good behavior now).May not even be intentional, just a thought for you to consider (and treat as you would any free advice from an anonymous form).

My wife had some minor bleeding while pregnant with our second kid. I was hypervigilent for awhile because of it, even without a hospital visit. I am just saying that stuff can scare the heck out of a guy, even if you don't think it should.

I do wish you well with your husband and hopefully you can find a happy medium.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I read more than annoyance in your posts, but if it is not there, then its not. I just note that you have stated multiple times that he should have been more like this with the first two pregnancies. That sure reads like a bit of resentment, even if that is not what you intend. As far as punishing, it does not have to be full on aggression to be punishing. It can be as light as not excepting the good behavior/acts (e.g., you hurt me before, so I refuse to acknowledge your good behavior now).May not even be intentional, just a thought for you to consider (and treat as you would any free advice from an anonymous form).
> 
> My wife had some minor bleeding while pregnant with our second kid. I was hypervigilent for awhile because of it, even without a hospital visit. I am just saying that stuff can scare the heck out of a guy, even if you don't think it should.
> 
> I do wish you well with your husband and hopefully you can find a happy medium.


Thank you for that however I can assure you that i am in no way intentionally punishing my H and yes I have told him I understand his reasons however he needs to give me time to adjust properly. As stated.. This sort of thing... >>>> * I was hypervigilent for awhile because of it* doesn't really get a great reaction from those with anxiety issues.. Then both parties end up doing that and making the situation out to be more then it should be. I've already explained that to him and yes he does understand and he is trying and sure there may be resentment as I've stated on other posts that I do have resentments however I do not punish him (Not that I am aware of anyhow) for it. We both know and agree to the fact that when we can... we plan on going to mc... and we are both well aware of the fact that I need IC for my own issues... Anxiety, OCD, Anger, Tourettes, ect and although he has adhd and some anger issues himself.. he doesn't think he really needs IC but we both know I do. This... *May not even be intentional, just a thought for you to consider * I will definitely consider and thank you for pointing that out. I'll definitely take a closer look at how i respond and see how it effects him. I don't want him to feel as if he is being punished in any way, shape, or form.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

When my wife was pregnant she had to work. I was a SAHD and she had to work. I went into a depression. I put on a happy face for my wife. But she knew I was in a funk. She was glad to be around me and I wish I would have been dealt with it better. I checked out emotionally only because I felt like a loser. The birth of my son and getting employed going to support groups, and straight up choosing to not live like a bum any more finally got me back. Now I am the happiest man on the planet. But my wife had to do a lot back then. Now that I am typing this I really feel guilty for what she had to do. If I was in my right mind. I would have only made her do what she felt up to doing. I would not have let her be a couch potato b/c that is not healthy for your child. But she would have only had to do what she felt like doing.


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