# Ring off...Strip Club On.



## rjames (Feb 23, 2015)

I want to not focus on the past situations, and just dive into this one. My Husband went out with his cousin to a bar, or so I was told. He was out for 8 hours...part of me is hurt by the length of his time away from home, because when its just him and I the night ends very short. We have no kids together and have been married for 7 years... married right out of college. 

I spoke to my Husband twice when out and he confirmed they were listening to live music. My Husband taxi'd home and arrives at 3am drunk. No hello, no kiss...instead just staggered steps and thrown clothes all over the house. I try to get him to talk to me, but he doesn't. I raid his pockets as soon as he lurks into bed. I find his wedding ring placed in the small pocket of his jeans, a wad full of one dollar bills and three receipts from the Gentlemen's club. 

I'm pissed. I attempt to wake him up. He only gets up to remove me from our bedroom after I make a fuss. Now, he is still sleeping and I am up hurt. I feel hurt, betrayed, suspicious, and angry as hell. 

In my shoes...what conclusions/if any would you make? 

Thx in advance for your share.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Simple answer is that he lacks respect for you. He does not value the marriage status as much as you do probably. If you were to go to a strip club, I think he would have issues with it. He operates on a different standard than you, and he expects you to behave better than he does most likely.

Does he listen to you? If you communicate how you feel, and he does not respond, he is too dysfunctional to be in a relationship with. Do you have an actual relationship, or has this become just a paper marriage where one or both, quit being a spouse to the other?

Does he exhibit this behavior on a regular basis, or once in a while? It is hard to judge after one incident. Usually people can better analyze after looking at a pattern. So what pattern of behavior does he display?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Take your ring off, tell him that since he doesn't value the marriage neither do you. Crying or screaming at him will accomplish nothing, some empathy goes a long way; let him know what it feels like. In fact, take yours off and tell him you're going to the bar since that's how it is.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

What an idiot. You leave your ring ON in a strip club. Those girls are NOT looking for commitment. 

Rookie mistake.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You need to give him a dose of his own medicine. 

Then insist on working out some boundaries together as well as him giving full transparency.

He is wayyyyy out of line. 

Oh and don't go having children with him right now.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hmm,

dig deep and really look at your marriage.


quit trying to talk to him about it. start looking at his actions does he love you. start reading some relationship books. then decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like him.

your young no kids still got time to kick him to the curb and start fresh.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You certainly have a right to be very angry. He was out of line. Did you two ever talk about boundaries before you got married? Apparently, he knows how you feel about this type of activity because you thought he was going out for a drink or two at a bar. What preceded this stuff? What's going on in your marriage that would make him want to look at other women naked and not you naked? I don't know if I would try the tit for tat thing, but you do need to tell him you won't stand for that stuff and provide consequences. I think consequences are, losing you. You need to have a good long talk with him. Get your finances together. Separate them from his. Read up on the 180 and adapt some of it to how you interact with him. I think he will get the message if you do and you will have an opportunity for him to make some changes.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Is this a frequent pattern of behavior for him? 
The ring off is a sign of immaturity as well as lack of respect to you and the marriage. 
Though when someone is drunk don't expect to have any sort of coherent conversation with him. 
Is drinking a problem for him?


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