# How do you walk away?



## Browneyes1971 (Dec 24, 2011)

I'm 40 years old and I've been married for 22 years. I don't enjoy sex with my husband and will avoid it at all costs in fact we pretty much have no physical relationship at all because I even avoid his hugs and kisses. Ok I'm not a horrible, harsh, unfeeling person. The fact is I've wanted out of this relationship for quite sometime. When I told hubby I wanted a divorce he made life miserable for me. He stalked me at work, told our kids he would hurt himself if I didn't take him back, came by our house to start fights with me to the point that he was trashing our things. Long story short...I took him back...this of course was after our kids begged me to because they feared their dad would make good on his threats. I want out! I can't deal with the emotional blackmail anymore, but I don't know how to walk away because I know my kids will be heartbroken. I've tried getting him to go to counseling, but he won't go. I am at a loss as to what to do next.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are your children?

Have you told him that if he does not go to counseling you will leave him?


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## Browneyes1971 (Dec 24, 2011)

My youngest is 15....the two oldest are 21 and 20. Every time I mention it he walks away and pretends he doesn't hear me. He's in major denial about our issues.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

whose side are your kids on. What do they advise. They are already old enough. To stay in a marriage because of 'threats' sounds bizarre. You need help.


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## Browneyes1971 (Dec 24, 2011)

Even though the kids are older he is still their dad and I can't have them choose sides....that's not fair to them regardless of their age. I took what he said to me and his actions back then as more than just "threats". I made the wrong decision coming back because of my thinking...I know now that he was just manipulating me so he could get his way. Maybe to some that may seem bizarre as you put it, but to me I made the choice I thought was best at the time.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

By choosing sides I meant what do they feel you should do.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Your kids are old enough to deal with divorce.

Two are adults for goodness sakes.

Pack your things and leave.

Done
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

accept said:


> whose side are your kids on. What do they advise. They are already old enough. To stay in a marriage because of 'threats' sounds bizarre. You need help.


The kids should be discouraged from taking sides. They love both of their parents.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

They are their age can decide if a divorce is called for. Thats not exactly taking sides.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Your kids are old enough to deal with divorce.
> 
> Two are adults for goodness sakes.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

If he threatens suicide, tell him that he will do whatever he does. It's not your cross the carry. Tell you kids to handle it the same way. If he was actually going to commit suicide he would actually do it and not about it. Yes there is a small chance that he will.. but it’s his life.

If he stalks you or otherwise harasses you, call the police, file a restraining order, etc.

Why are you still there when you have all that it takes to leave.. two feet.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

accept said:


> They are their age can decide if a divorce is called for. Thats not exactly taking sides.


When my son was in first grade he told me to get a divorce. He said that he did not understand why I put up with his father's abuse. The kid was right. I did get a divorce shortly after that.

But my son also never picked sides. He knows that his father is abusive. He knows what went on. But he loves his father all the same. And I encouraged that relationship.. but made sure the court ordered that my ex have mandatory 2 years of joint counseling with our son. That way I was able to put a stop to my ex's abusing our son. My ex used to push, shove and yell to ext to the point that our son would hide in a closet from his dad. So the counseling was needed for the ex to learn that he could not do that to a child.

Today my son is 22. He still lives with me since he's going to the university. He still loves his father, visits him every week. They go on ski vacations together. Dad pays his tuition, books, and gives him some spending money.

Even with divorce a parent should never, ever ask a child to pick sides.


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## Clarke (Dec 24, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> When my son was in first grade he told me to get a divorce. He said that he did not understand why I put up with his father's abuse. The kid was right. I did get a divorce shortly after that.
> 
> But my son also never picked sides. He knows that his father is abusive. He knows what went on. But he loves his father all the same. And I encouraged that relationship.. but made sure the court ordered that my ex have mandatory 2 years of joint counseling with our son. That way I was able to put a stop to my ex's abusing our son. My ex used to push, shove and yell to ext to the point that our son would hide in a closet from his dad. So the counseling was needed for the ex to learn that he could not do that to a child.
> 
> ...


I guess I understand your point of view. most people who allow or talk their children into taking sides often live to regret it, since the child would grow up to notice a couple of flaws in them {naturally}, and then begin to question their opinion about the deserted parent. the more flaws they notice, the more they justify the other parent until the table is completely turned. 
But I'd like to point out that the children in this issue are not "First Graders" and so what I stated above does not apply to them. They have their own minds now and can decide whether their father should be locked up or Certified. they're adults.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I am trying to figure this out my self. If i ever find the answer i will share it with you.


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## LonelyHusband (Sep 2, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If he threatens suicide, tell him that he will do whatever he does. It's not your cross the carry. Tell you kids to handle it the same way. If he was actually going to commit suicide he would actually do it and not about it. Yes there is a small chance that he will.. but it’s his life.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

He's just trying to manipulate you into staying, in which I agree with everyone else, it's time to go....


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