# Am I being over emotional?



## wntw (May 9, 2009)

I've been married for almost a year. I love my husband more than anything....but lately I've felt very unimportant to him. Not even just lately....I guess I've never felt like I was #1 to him. He has a couple of hobbies that he is super into, and his job is also revolved around those hobbies. He is doing something with these hobbies almost every day of the week, leaving very little time for me. Whenever I ask him to spend time with me, whether is just being with me doing nothing important, running errands, going out...whatever it is- he sighs and says "fine". Or he'll say "only if i can go do such and such when we are done" Like its a painful chore to be with me. 
He is also very unaffectionate. He knows affection is extremely important to me. When I am affectionate towards him he will tell me to stop. I have to literally beg to get affection from him. For example, today he wanted to go see a movie I had no desire to see, but he really wanted to see it and didnt want to go alone. So he said if I went he would give me an hour long massage, so I agreed. We went to the movie and on the way home he asks if it could be 2 half hour massages. Fine. So we get home and he tells me to take off all my clothes. So I'm thinking this is going to be romantic (another thing that has been non-existent in our relationship) and sensual. He starts the massage and hes barely touching me. He's just using his finger tips and rubbing lightly. He never used his whole hand. It made me feel like he was disgusted with me. After 10m mins he asked if the massage could be just 20 mins. I said fine and then he said "ok make sure you wash up before you get dressed" (he used massage oil). And that was it. I felt like crap. He told me to get naked, and then barely touched me, and avoided any spot that could possibly be sexual. Why did I get naked?? I cry constantly because I feel like he doesnt like me. I've tried talking to him about it, but it just doesnt work. He has very low self esteem so if i bring it up he just starts yelling about hows hes a piece of ****. And then I console him. We never deal with the issue I brought up. I just don't know what to do. Or if my feelings are even justified....


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

wntw said:


> He has a couple of hobbies that he is super into, and his job is also revolved around those hobbies. He is doing something with these hobbies almost every day of the week, leaving very little time for me....He told me to get naked, and then barely touched me, and avoided any spot that could possibly be sexual. Why did I get naked?? He has very low self esteem so if i bring it up he just starts yelling about hows hes a piece of ****. And then I console him.


You could be describing me and my H to a T. My H was the exact same way. it was just awful for me. I had moved states with him, too, and he'd stay out all night long playing sports with his coworkers. at the time i had no phone, no internet, no tv, and i didnt even have a bed or furniture. it was awful. 

My h never touched me either. i know just how you feel, believe me. i cried myself to sleep all the time. i was so depressed. it was the worst time of my life. my H was into porn though. 

and ya, my H does the whole self degrading thing. next time he does that though, ask him what he's going to do about it. tell him you dont want to hear his self loathing, you want to know what he's going to do about it.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

as they say.. the honeymoon stage is short.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'd say tell him to pay attention to you or you will find the attention elsewhere! Give him a wake up call. Ask him why he married (you) in the first place? This isn't right, girl.


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