# My Wife threatened me with divorce



## Bleya127 (May 19, 2020)

Just the other day me and my wife had a fight or more or less she was yelling at me for buying a tool chest for 300. Now I know that seems a little extreme for a fight. I did have a spending problem months ago to cope with some other things going on in my life. It did affect our marriage and it was my fault and sought therapy ever since and have been good ever since for months now. Now to get back to it my wife was mortified that I bought this tool chest, we had the money, it wasn’t going to put any strain on finances in any way, used cash no credit. Now in hindsight I didn’t talk to her about it before buying which is my fault and said that during the fight. However she threatened me with saying “I’ll kick you out”, “If you buy one more tool I will divorce you”. I guess you get the point. I remained very calm because during her screaming match I was holding our 9 month old daughter. If you are angry at me fine if you yell at me fine but don’t do that in front of kids and don’t threaten to divorce and say it and not expect anything from it. I have mixed emotions now when it comes to my wife now. I already got the cold shoulder from my parents so they’re no longer in the picture. Now my wife threatens me to turn my world further upside down. What am I supposed to think?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You appear to spend money whenever anything goes wrong in your life. You seem to feel entitled to cheer yourself up with retail therapy, would that be a fair comment?
You seem to play the victim my friend and I’m not surprised your wife is pissed.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You just have a new baby which requires extra spending. Do you and your wife have financial worries? Does your wife work? How to you share your finances? 
It seems to me that you spend money when you feel like it on large items also. You have a problem in this area which you admitted but then cry foul when your wife gets angry with you when you go do the very same thing again.

You are now a new father which comes wth many responsibilities, get your act together and behave responsibly like a good husband and father, you are no longer a single man who can do whatever he feels like.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

was the tool chest a necessary item? could you have lived with out buying it? 
in our house if either of us are going to spend $150 on one item we talk about it first is there a similar agreement in your marriage?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She lost it while you were holding the baby and that wasn't ok. That being said, you don't have anymore wiggle room on spending.

I can occasionally get away with spending significant money without informing anyone but I have never endangered my family by a bad spending habit.

I also almost never do it and never without a good reason, meaning it is usually beneficial for my family or a surprise for a birthday.

You should take the tools back immediately and apologize for not at least talking to her first about any significant purchase and keep getting help because you just failed partner and you have some making up to do. You have damaged your marriage too much already and you really can't afford to step over the line even a little.

Johnny Cash said "Because you're mine, I walk the line." Be Johnny here and keep your family.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

She didn't react well.

But I highly suspect you didn't need a toolbox and could have predicted that she'd be unhappy with your purchase before you did it. And she probably had good reason to be unhappy.

This one is mostly on you, man.

Stop spending on stuff you don't need, and start involving her on purchase higher than $100 or something. Agree to an amount and agree to a budget debrief once a week say.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I'd say the first thing that you need to do is seriously start doing the work to tackle your issues that lead to overspending.
I've been married for years, and for the past several years all the money coming into the household has been from me, the result of investments and past career (retired/pension.)
Even though my wife wouldn't care (and she knows I am exceptionally frugal with money.) I would never go out and make a major purchase without running it by her. In your case, I suspect these purchases put you in financial jeopardy.
Why did you need the tool chest and these other tools? I would say that unless you use them to put food on the table, you probably need nothing else but a few hand tools, and maybe a $10. tool box from Wally World.
I'd agree that she probably could have handled it in a more appropriate manner, but how many times have you pushed the envelope?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Bleya127 said:


> Just the other day me and my wife had a fight or more or less she was yelling at me for buying a tool chest for 300. Now I know that seems a little extreme for a fight. I did have a spending problem months ago to cope with some other things going on in my life. It did affect our marriage and it was my fault and sought therapy ever since and have been good ever since for months now. Now to get back to it my wife was mortified that I bought this tool chest, we had the money, it wasn’t going to put any strain on finances in any way, used cash no credit. Now in hindsight I didn’t talk to her about it before buying which is my fault and said that during the fight. However she threatened me with saying “I’ll kick you out”, “If you buy one more tool I will divorce you”. I guess you get the point. I remained very calm because during her screaming match I was holding our 9 month old daughter. If you are angry at me fine if you yell at me fine but don’t do that in front of kids and don’t threaten to divorce and say it and not expect anything from it. I have mixed emotions now when it comes to my wife now. I already got the cold shoulder from my parents so they’re no longer in the picture. Now my wife threatens me to turn my world further upside down. What am I supposed to think?


You are supposed to think that you are a child, sorry to be so blunt. 

You talk about your "Spending Problem" like it is not big deal, had some therapy and everything is good. Which completely sounds like you are minimizing everything that you ever did. 

I'll bet the if you had the balls to write out all of the financial infidelity that you have committed you would be roasted by most here. 

So the minimization in your opening post kind of says that you still don't think it was that big a deal. 

While your wife may be wrong for yelling, her feelings are completely understandable... 

Women want to be able to depend on their men, and they want to feel secure. You think you had 300 to spare but she may have wanted to save that 300 for a rainy day. 

I hope you can understand all of that, because if you don't get it she will probably divorce you...


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

For many rainy days are here or right around the corner. Wake up. We are in the middle of a pandemic. Many have lost their jobs, many more will as businesses fail. 

I guess you didn't like the responses in your other thread where you admitted you spent a bunch of money prior to this.

What kind of job do you have? Cash doesn't mean you have money to spare. What kind of job does your wife have? Any change either of you will end up losing it?

Who does the budgeting in your family? Do you have a savings plan? Are either of you desiring to save up and move out of the relatives house you are living in?

Both of you need to learn how to communicate better. She needs to learn how to kick you butt without yelling and you need to learn how to talk with your spouse about money, your feelings, the future and both of your needs.

What is your wife love language? Would she choose a present or an act of service? Kind words or physical touch?
Time to deepen your marriage instead of building resentment


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