# Counseling together or separate?



## pacmouse

I have heard there are benefits to both. We have been to marriage counseling together and a lot of that time has been spent arguing about stuff. So, I have been giving some thought to going separately. Does anyone have experience in this? Has it worked?


----------



## Robrobb

Hi pacmouse. 

My wife and I discussed this when we went into counseling. We ultimately went with a counselor who sees his clients as a couple one week and individually the next. I worried about the chance that further trust issues could arise from the individual sessions, but after quickly dealing with it the first week, we seem to be in a good place now. I'm comfortable speaking about how I'm dealing with my wife's infidelity in the individual sessions, and we're able to focus on my issues with myself. 

That first week, though, my counselor asked me not to discuss the session with my wife. When I arrived home she immediately asked what we discussed and I told her what he's asked me. She was upset by this, so we talked and quickly struck up a compromise - that we can share as we see fit after we've each had our individual sessions for the week, so that one's session isn't muddled by reacting to the other's. And sharing is voluntary. In practice we discuss the individual sessions very little, but I don't think either of us feels that the other is hiding information.


----------



## R0bin

I think the best is to go to marriage counseling together and then have both partners attend individual a counseling.


----------

