# Turns me off



## Finewithneutral

So to get straight to it...the hubby tries to get me "going" by asking me to show him my boobs as soon as the kids leave the room. It's like his version of foreplay and it is completely off putting to me. But if I explain why he gets his feelings hurt & pouts. Now we aren't speaking. Which just pisses me off more. It makes my feel like he expects a performance and it makes me so uncomfortable but I bite my tongue because I don't feel like fighting. Help!!


----------



## Personal

What would it have cost you to have shown him your boobs?


----------



## farsidejunky

Is there ever a time that being playful like that would be okay?

Or is that a no-go at all times?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Personal

And to be clear I'm not saying you should have shown him your boobs. Yet it certainly can contribute to maintaining a healthy sex life.

Of which showing ones boobs, falls into the category of flirting rather than foreplay.


----------



## onelife2live

Some people is going to read your thread and not hear what you saying. I totally understand. My husband does the same crap and quite frankly it’s annoying as heck and DOES NOT help turn me on. Don’t just request to see a boob or walk by and grope them while nothing is going on, acting like a teenage boy. We really have to be in the mindset to play. Maybe try a different approach of telling him your version of foreplay and what you really want done to get you going.


----------



## TurnedTurtle

How is you showing him your boobs supposed to help get _you_ "going"? Maybe instead he should be showing you his ****, if what he is trying to do is get you aroused?


----------



## Lostinthought61

Talk to me about your relationship, how long have you been married? What is the normal ritualistic course for teasing or approach to sex between you two? 
I am guessing with kids there is a lack of time together or alone.

Btw of a tension breaker it that happens again...you might want to play off something like this ain't Mari gras and I don't see beads in your hands and just walk away smiling.


----------



## VladDracul

Finewithneutral said:


> So to get straight to it...the hubby tries to get me "going" by asking me to show him my boobs as soon as the kids leave the room. It's like his version of foreplay and it is completely off putting to me.


Would it be better if he simply said something along the lines of , " You're amazing." and walked over, took your beautiful face in his hands and kissed you tenderly?


----------



## Blondilocks

Yeah, I think he's just trying to be playful. You don't have to show him your boobs - in fact, he would probably be surprised if you did. He's trying to start some banter. Tell him to flash some cash and you'll think about it.

eta the word 'be'


----------



## Diceplayer

Yeah, I get it. My wife use to have something that she would say when I came on to her that would just completely turn me off. I can't explain it, it just did. It took several times of me telling her this before the light finally came on in her head. Keep telling him to find a different way to initiate.


----------



## In Absentia

Just video yourself showing your boobs and send the video to him... so, you don't have to do it all the time for him.


----------



## LisaDiane

When he's asking you to do that, is he expecting sex right at that moment...? Or is he trying to set a playfully sexual mood for later? When you guys actually do have sex, does he enjoy doing real foreplay that YOU like?

Would it be more exciting for you if when he asked you to flash your boobs you said, "only if you kiss and rub them for me!!!", to get you stimulated in a way YOU enjoy too?

I wonder how you would feel if he never asked to see your boobs because your naked body doesn't turn him on...or if you playfully flashed him your boobs and he didn't respond at all...?? 

Because that's how my STBX felt about me...I am very playful sexually, and I used to flash him and flirt with him all the time - I didn't do it to turn myself on, but to turn HIM on...but it never worked (and I eventually stopped). So from MY perspective, you are very lucky. Think about that.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Your husband shouldn’t be pouting and moping but I have to agree with @LisaDiane in that what is the alternative to a husband that finds you sexy and wants to see your body? In fact, what wife wouldn’t want their husband to be turned on by them and want to see their body? That is a natural thing.

I get it might not do anything for you. My wife doesn’t get anything that she will admit out of wearing lingerie I like but I like it so she sometimes does it. I wish she did it every day!


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Personal said:


> What would it have cost you to have shown him your boobs?


This answer covers all.

Do you want to have sex with H, and do you really think every initiation by him would be exactly as you approve 100%


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

onelife2live said:


> Some people is going to read your thread and not hear what you saying. I totally understand. My husband does the same crap and quite frankly it’s annoying as heck and DOES NOT help turn me on. Don’t just request to see a boob or walk by and grope them while nothing is going on, acting like a teenage boy. We really have to be in the mindset to play. Maybe try a different approach of telling him your version of foreplay and what you really want done to get you going.


Can you qualify your credentials to give this type of iffy at best answer, do you and H have a frequent and varied happy sex life?

OP, beware this hard line answer.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

LisaDiane said:


> When he's asking you to do that, is he expecting sex right at that moment...? Or is he trying to set a playfully sexual mood for later? When you guys actually do have sex, does he enjoy doing real foreplay that YOU like?
> 
> Would it be more exciting for you if when he asked you to flash your boobs you said, "only if you kiss and rub them for me!!!", to get you stimulated in a way YOU enjoy too?
> 
> I wonder how you would feel if he never asked to see your boobs because your naked body doesn't turn him on...or if you playfully flashed him your boobs and he didn't respond at all...??
> 
> Because that's how my STBX felt about me...I am very playful sexually, and I used to flash him and flirt with him all the time - I didn't do it to turn myself on, but to turn HIM on...but it never worked (and I eventually stopped). So from MY perspective, you are very lucky. Think about that.


Another super great answer!


----------



## ccpowerslave

My wife grabbed my ass today after lunch and at first I felt very bad. Bad that her hand had to meet that hot steel without an oven mitt.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Finewithneutral said:


> So to get straight to it...the hubby tries to get me "going" by asking me to show him my boobs as soon as the kids leave the room. It's like his version of foreplay and it is completely off putting to me. But if I explain why he gets his feelings hurt & pouts. Now we aren't speaking. Which just pisses me off more. It makes my feel like he expects a performance and it makes me so uncomfortable but I bite my tongue because I don't feel like fighting. Help!!


I don't know how the hell he thinks you showing him your boobs is anything that benefits you as regards foreplay. Only a 16-year-old would think so. I'm sure it must make you feel ridiculous. So I agree with the poster that said all you can do is try to redirect him, but if he's acting like a little pouty baby, you might also explain to him how unsexy that is.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

TurnedTurtle said:


> How is you showing him your boobs supposed to help get _you_ "going"? Maybe instead he should be showing you his ****, if what he is trying to do is get you aroused?


I'm afraid it just doesn't work that way usually. Most women just aren't that into looking at junk. The whole body and the whole package, yes. But probably not if someone is just flaunting it at them like it's supposed to turn them on. It's just all of this is awkward scenarios.


----------



## onelife2live

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Can you qualify your credentials to give this type of iffy at best answer, do you and H have a frequent and varied happy sex life?
> 
> OP, beware this hard line answer.


Are you male or female?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know how the hell he thinks you showing him your boobs is anything that benefits you as regards foreplay. Only a 16-year-old would think so. I'm sure it must make you feel ridiculous. So I agree with the poster that said all you can do is try to redirect him, but if he's acting like a little pouty baby, you might also explain to him how unsexy that is.


The boobs were to benefit him. Then they could have moved on to playful things that she would approve us. If she only would have taken the 5 seconds to flash him.

But alas, we'll never know. Nor will she.

Her other option is to have a different H that doesn't like her boobs or body. Her choice.

If she keeps this up, because it's oh so traumatic for a H to like his W, H may decide for her.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

onelife2live said:


> Are you male or female?


So you won't add a little background?


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The boobs were to benefit him. Then they could have moved on to playful things that she would approve us. If she only would have taken the 5 seconds to flash him.
> 
> But alas, we'll never know. Nor will she.
> 
> Her other option is to have a different H that doesn't like her boobs or body. Her choice.
> 
> If she keeps this up, because it's oh so traumatic for a H to like his W, H may decide for her.


It's too juvenile to be sexy, Ragnar.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

onelife2live said:


> Are you male or female?


I read a couple of your other threads, you say you're turned off by your husband. So, a little unqualified it seems.

Re your question...you should see that I'm male. The first clues are moniker, second is profile.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Can you qualify your credentials to give this type of iffy at best answer, do you and H have a frequent and varied happy sex life?
> 
> OP, beware this hard line answer.


Seems to me that she has exactly the right credentials. She can totally relate to the poster. That's better credentials than those who can't relate at all. The poster wants advice to solve her problem, not advice to get her husband laid! I'm sure when conditions are right she can handle that herself!

Married or unmarried, I'm sure just about everyone out there has had awkward situations they had to deal with like this.


----------



## Deejo

In my world there is a vast chasm of difference between:
"His behavior turns me off."
And ... 
"I am turned off by him and have no interest in being sexual."

People are going to make recommendations presuming the former.

It actually appears, that the issue is the latter. Would you agree?


----------



## Lila

Finewithneutral said:


> So to get straight to it...the hubby tries to get me "going" by asking me to show him my boobs as soon as the kids leave the room. It's like his version of foreplay and it is completely off putting to me. But if I explain why he gets his feelings hurt & pouts. Now we aren't speaking. Which just pisses me off more. It makes my feel like he expects a performance and it makes me so uncomfortable but I bite my tongue because I don't feel like fighting. Help!!


This is one of those "know your audience" situations. Some women find this behavior to be the ultimate turn on. For others, like you and me, this sort of behavior produces Sahara-like vaginal dryness followed by the "va-clamp" (thank you @anonpink for introducing such a wonderfully descriptive word).

I think you need to be very direct and to the point with your husband. Don't beat around the bush. Tell him what DOES turn you on. If he pouts, sulks, and gives you the silent treatment for expressing your lack of sexual desire for his behaviors, then you have bigger issues on your hand. This may be marriage counseling territory. 

Does he pull the sulking and pouting with other things?


----------



## Lila

VladDracul said:


> Would it be better if he simply said something along the lines of , " You're amazing." and walked over, took your beautiful face in his hands and kissed you tenderly?


This is exactly why I say know your audience. Telling me to "show my boobs", or grabbing them willy-nilly, just because, is a huge turnoff. But telling me I'm amazing or even just looking at me with that quiet look that says "damn, you're ****ing beautiful", followed by that super tender kiss would bring me to my knees. That's my kind of turn on. It's the equivalent to 'Calgon take me away' moment.


----------



## onelife2live

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I read a couple of your other threads, you say you're turned off by your husband. So, a little unqualified it seems.
> 
> Re your question...you should see that I'm male. The first clues are moniker, second is profile.


Pipe down man, my goodness!


----------



## Enigma32

It's kinda sad that this poor guy can't even joke around with his wife without her getting pissed off. This just sounds like him trying to be playful and have fun to me. I do the same thing to my GF, she shows me, and I act like I've never seen boobs before. We both have fun with it.


----------



## ElwoodPDowd

onelife2live said:


> Some people is going to read your thread and not hear what you saying. I totally understand. My husband does the same crap and quite frankly it’s annoying as heck and DOES NOT help turn me on. Don’t just request to see a boob or walk by and grope them while nothing is going on, acting like a teenage boy. We really have to be in the mindset to play. Maybe try a different approach of telling him your version of foreplay and what you really want done to get you going.


Yeah, my wife does it too ..... grabs my parts or gives me a titty twister as she walks past.
Damned annoying if I'm trying to watch TV or trying to do something.
I guess everyone has different boundaries.

Note: she just grabbed both of mine while I was typing this.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Lila said:


> This is exactly why I say know your audience. Telling me to "show my boobs", or grabbing them willy-nilly, just because, is a huge turnoff. But telling me I'm amazing or even just looking at me with that quiet look that says "damn, you're ****ing beautiful", followed by that super tender kiss would bring me to my knees. That's my kind of turn on. It's the equivalent to 'Calgon take me away' moment.


I could go along with my guy asking me to show him my boobs if it was playful. If it was supposed to be foreplay then no, it probably wouldn't work by itself.

But as has been asked it really depends on whether she has sexual interest in him in general. If not then yes, it's going to be annoying....and pouting is always a guaranteed turnoff.


----------



## 346745

Finewithneutral said:


> So to get straight to it...the hubby tries to get me "going" by asking me to show him my boobs as soon as the kids leave the room. It's like his version of foreplay and it is completely off putting to me. But if I explain why he gets his feelings hurt & pouts. Now we aren't speaking. Which just pisses me off more. It makes my feel like he expects a performance and it makes me so uncomfortable but I bite my tongue because I don't feel like fighting. Help!!


My guess is that you seldom initiate, so he's trying to get things going in a playful way. Cut the guy some slack. Does he ask you each and every time? Probably not.


----------



## heartsbeating

A friend gave me this card for my birthday.


----------



## heartsbeating

farsidejunky said:


> Is there ever a time that being playful like that would be okay?
> 
> Or is that a no-go at all times?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk





Deejo said:


> In my world there is a vast chasm of difference between:
> "His behavior turns me off."
> And ...
> "I am turned off by him and have no interest in being sexual."
> 
> People are going to make recommendations presuming the former.
> 
> It actually appears, that the issue is the latter. Would you agree?





Lila said:


> This is one of those "know your audience" situations. Some women find this behavior to be the ultimate turn on. For others, like you and me, this sort of behavior produces Sahara-like vaginal dryness followed by the "va-clamp" (thank you @anonpink for introducing such a wonderfully descriptive word).
> 
> I think you need to be very direct and to the point with your husband. Don't beat around the bush. Tell him what DOES turn you on. If he pouts, sulks, and gives you the silent treatment for expressing your lack of sexual desire for his behaviors, then you have bigger issues on your hand. This may be marriage counseling territory.
> 
> Does he pull the sulking and pouting with other things?


All excellent points!

And OP, I hope that you're back to talking to one another by now.

Similarly to what has previously been asked, what kind of playfulness would be okay with you and is there other playful sexual flirtatiousness between you?


----------



## heartsbeating

Lila said:


> This is one of those "know your audience" situations. Some women find this behavior to be the ultimate turn on. For others, like you and me, this sort of behavior produces Sahara-like vaginal dryness followed by the "va-clamp" (thank you @anonpink for introducing such a wonderfully descriptive word).
> 
> I think you need to be very direct and to the point with your husband. Don't beat around the bush. Tell him what DOES turn you on. If he pouts, sulks, and gives you the silent treatment for expressing your lack of sexual desire for his behaviors, then you have bigger issues on your hand. This may be marriage counseling territory.
> 
> Does he pull the sulking and pouting with other things?


As you raise, whether asking to be flashed equates to being a turn-off is individual and I'd suggest also potentially interwoven with the dynamic too. I agree that sulking and pouting is most certainly unsexy. However, without meaning to justify his reaction yet also giving him the benefit of the doubt for a minute, if he is trying to instigate some quick playfulness, then he may well feel rejected on a deeper level than whether he saw her breasts or not. Or maybe not, whadda I know. As another mentioned, there is opportunity for her to be flirtatious - either physically or verbally - in other ways without actually flashing him if that's not what she digs. Communication is important... and I'd suggest that body language and actions are a form of that (non-verbal) communication, and so perhaps there are ways for her to show him what she likes and interact in a way that is flirtatious to her (separate from foreplay), while still responding / expressing to him what she does like. Yet in saying all of that, it comes back around to the valid point that Deejo made.


----------



## onelife2live

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Yeah, my wife does it too ..... grabs my parts or gives me a titty twister as she walks past.
> Damned annoying if I'm trying to watch TV or trying to do something.
> I guess everyone has different boundaries.
> 
> Note: she just grabbed both of mine while I was typing this.


This is going to be TMI but my husband will do the titty twister on me and they are sensitive. So it does become annoying and his hand will get slapped. I don’t personally like it unless the mood is right.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Why are your boobs under lock and key? How often are you sexual with your husband? I’m I’m thinking zero.


----------



## Lila

heartsbeating said:


> As you raise, whether asking to be flashed equates to being a turn-off is individual and I'd suggest also potentially interwoven with the dynamic too. I agree that sulking and pouting is most certainly unsexy. However, without meaning to justify his reaction yet also giving him the benefit of the doubt for a minute, if he is trying to instigate some quick playfulness, then he may well feel rejected on a deeper level than whether he saw her breasts or not. Or maybe not, whadda I know. As another mentioned, there is opportunity for her to be flirtatious - either physically or verbally - in other ways without actually flashing him if that's not what she digs.


You're right. He could just be a playful man. In situations like this, I always try to picture myself in the situation. The thing that makes me think he's just completely clueless is that OP did express her displeasure with it and all it did was make him go silent treatment mode. 



Finewithneutral said:


> It's like his version of foreplay and it is completely off putting to me. *But if I explain why he gets his feelings hurt & pouts. Now we aren't speaking*.


That's a big no- no in my book and says more about the OP"s husband than anything else that was written. It makes him seem very juvenile (best word i can come up with to describe him). 



> Communication is important... and I'd suggest that body language and actions are a form of that (non-verbal) communication, and so perhaps there are ways for her to show him what she likes and interact in a way that is flirtatious to her (separate from foreplay), while still responding / expressing to him what she does like. Yet in saying all of that, it comes back around to the valid point that Deejo made.


Yep. Communication seems to be a problem in this relationship. 



Finewithneutral said:


> It makes my feel like he expects a performance and it *makes me so uncomfortable but I bite my tongue because I don't feel like fighting*


OP needs to let go of this fear of causing a fight for expressing herself. Holding things back is how resentment builds up. If she can't find a way to get through to him in a productive way, then they should try marriage counseling. If nothing else, a therapist can serve as a referee to hash things out.


----------



## Lila

lifeistooshort said:


> I could go along with my guy asking me to show him my boobs if it was playful. If it was supposed to be foreplay then no, it probably wouldn't work by itself.
> 
> But as has been asked it really depends on whether she has sexual interest in him in general. If not then yes, it's going to be annoying....and pouting is always a guaranteed turnoff.


I'm very sexually interested in my guy and just thinking about myself in a similar scenario, where without warning he asks me to show him my boobs, playful or not, is extremely annoying. Would I get upset with him? No but I would if he were to get pouty and sulk when i told him not to do that again. 

If the behavior continued then my sexual interest would definitely wane, which could well be what's happened in her relationship.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Blondilocks said:


> Yeah, I think he's just trying to be playful. You don't have to show him your boobs - in fact, he would probably be surprised if you did. He's trying to start some banter. Tell him to flash some cash and you'll think about it.
> 
> eta the word 'be'


Ask him if he has some $20s to put in your g-strings when you do?


----------



## ConanHub

Blondilocks said:


> Yeah, I think he's just trying to be playful. You don't have to show him your boobs - in fact, he would probably be surprised if you did. He's trying to start some banter. Tell him to flash some cash and you'll think about it.
> 
> eta the word 'be'


For the win!


----------



## heartsbeating

Lila said:


> I'm very sexually interested in my guy and just thinking about myself in a similar scenario, where without warning he asks me to show him my boobs, playful or not, is extremely annoying. Would I get upset with him? No but I would if he were to get pouty and sulk when i told him not to do that again.
> 
> If the behavior continued then my sexual interest would definitely wane, which could well be what's happened in her relationship.


The context of what I'm about to share is different to the scenario. Watching TV together and I was still snacking whereas he'd finished eating. He reached across and started demonstrating physical affection to the back of my neck and hair. What a bastard. I said to him along the lines of that normally I would like that, but not when I'm eating. His response was to briefly double-down, basically smothering me with that affection in exaggerated silliness, and with fun commentary that had me laughing hard, and then leaving me to finish eating in peace. He did it another time when I was eating... I chuckled and basically said, 'Oye, Batman I'm still eating..' He chuckled to/at himself and stopped. When I'd finished eating (not long after), I encouraged his affection to return; which it did. Therefore, the moral of the story is that goats cheese is delicious.


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> I'm very sexually interested in my guy and just thinking about myself in a similar scenario, where without warning he asks me to show him my boobs, playful or not, is extremely annoying. Would I get upset with him? No but I would if he were to get pouty and sulk when i told him not to do that again.
> 
> If the behavior continued then my sexual interest would definitely wane, which could well be what's happened in her relationship.


I wonder also, if she USED TO think it was cute or funny, but now her attitude has changed (which happens)...maybe he's continuing to try this playful tactic with her and he is sulking/pouting when she gets annoyed by it because he feels frustrated that she isn't fun or into being playful with him like she used to be...??

It's hard to know when the OPs never come back to answer any follow up questions...Lol!!


----------



## This too shell pass

Finewithneutral said:


> So to get straight to it...the hubby tries to get me "going" by asking me to show him my boobs as soon as the kids leave the room. It's like his version of foreplay and it is completely off putting to me. But if I explain why he gets his feelings hurt & pouts. Now we aren't speaking. Which just pisses me off more. It makes my feel like he expects a performance and it makes me so uncomfortable but I bite my tongue because I don't feel like fighting. Help!!


well he has to understand you are more then a sexual object.


----------



## Evinrude58

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know how the hell he thinks you showing him your boobs is anything that benefits you as regards foreplay. Only a 16-year-old would think so. I'm sure it must make you feel ridiculous. So I agree with the poster that said all you can do is try to redirect him, but if he's acting like a little pouty baby, you might also explain to him how unsexy that is.


As usual I disagree. If she was wanting sex and had romantic interest in him, whatever he said would be the right thing. Since she doesn’t, whatever he says is wrong.

I think show me your boobs is pretty goofy. However, what has OP done to help her husband know how to get her fired up. Somehow I doubt there’s much he could do right.


----------



## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> If she was wanting sex and had romantic interest in him, whatever he said would be the right thing. Since she doesn’t, whatever he says is wrong.


Oh, THIS is a GREAT point!!


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Evinrude58 said:


> As usual I disagree. *If she was wanting sex and had romantic interest in him, whatever he said would be the right thing. * Since she doesn’t, whatever he says is wrong.
> 
> I think show me your boobs is pretty goofy. However, what has OP done to help her husband know how to get her fired up. Somehow I doubt there’s much he could do right.


In the wise words of Aerosmith, Dream on.


----------



## ccpowerslave

DownByTheRiver said:


> In the wise words of Aerosmith, Dream on.


I think this is more along the lines of Killswitch Engage Live in Detroit.

_“Detroit rock city, show me your Detroit rock titties!” - Adam D_


----------



## ccpowerslave

Speaking of that I was at a Lamb of God and Slayer concert and the hype man for Lamb of God said, “Show me your tits!” From where I was on the floor I saw several women do this and I was shocked and appalled that at a fine place like a Slayer show this would happen.

Note: I also showed my tits but they’re not impressive and I had been drinking a lot.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ccpowerslave said:


> I think this is more along the lines of Killswitch Engage Live in Detroit.
> 
> _“Detroit rock city, show me your Detroit rock titties!” - Adam D_


Classy! 👍


----------



## ccpowerslave

DownByTheRiver said:


> Classy! 👍


So this is awesome. We just drove home from dinner and my wife has Sirius XM Ozzy’s Boneyard on the radio and Kiss Detroit Rock City comes on right as we get in the vehicle.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ccpowerslave said:


> So this is awesome. We just drove home from dinner and my wife has Sirius XM Ozzy’s Boneyard on the radio and Kiss Detroit Rock City comes on right as we get in the vehicle.


Synchronicity.


----------



## LATERILUS79

I don't see the problem here...... then again, I've been a boob man since I was born and my wife's boobs were God's greatest gift to me EVER. EV. ER. Holy hell they are still huge and perfectly shaped to this day. 

I want to exit this world motorboating. I want my wife to suffocate me with them. 

When friends and family ask, she can tell them I died peacefully doing what I loved. I'm positive my corpse will have a forever grin. 

I've been asking my wife for 20 years to show me her boobs. That stopped working about 19.9 years ago.... and I'll never stop asking.  

Sorry about the pouting, OP. That kinda sucks. He shouldn't be whimpering around you. Does he do anything to turn you on or do you just complain? Thankfully, my wife still has no problem bringing out the fun bags during sex, she is just too prim and proper to go along with my immaturity. I dont do it to turn her on, I do it just to be playful. I mean, she is my wife so might as well have fun with her, right? That is sorta what I'm guessing is happening here. Have some fun. Remove the stick from the backside. I can always count on some side eye from my wife when I ask to see her boobs and that is what I'm looking for. To get a rise out of her. I often expect a boot or hand to my ass as well after I ask. Why? Because it is funny and I like to interact with my wife. Of course, it would be a huge cherry on top if my wife would actually pull out those cannons when I asked, but I don't expect it. 


Long way of saying "try to laugh next time". It does wonders for the soul.


----------



## Evinrude58

The OP’s bad attitude toward her husband is as bad as his childish one. 
It would be nice to see a couple that looked for things to be happy about rather than to be offended, things that turn them on rather than turn them off.


----------



## Lila

DownByTheRiver said:


> In the wise words of Aerosmith, Dream on.


No @DownByTheRiver . You're NOT allowed to have likes / dislikes. You're _supposed_ to like whatever behavior is expressed by your SO even when you find it ****ing annoying and immature. 🙄. 

I'm pretty sure there would be more successful relationships, at the very least less contentious, if people actually listened to each other and respected their boundaries.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Lila said:


> No @DownByTheRiver . You're NOT allowed to have likes / dislikes. You're _supposed_ to like whatever behavior is expressed by your SO even when you find it ****ing annoying and immature. 🙄.
> 
> I'm pretty sure there would be more successful relationships, at the very least less contentious, if people actually listened to each other and respected their boundaries.


Thank you! I don't think a lot of men understand how big of a turn off childish behavior in a grown man is and it doesn't always have to be of a sexual nature. If you're viewing someone as a childish person, for whatever reason, that's just not sexy and your role has become something else if you're getting very much of that.


----------



## Evinrude58

What else has the role become? I’m curious.
A little playful show me your boobs comment and one thinks their role has changed? I am not wanting to be a jerk, I legitimately want to understand this. I’m not a woman, so I don’t profess to be an expert. Always want y to o learn though.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Evinrude58 said:


> What else has the role become? I’m curious.
> A little playful show me your boobs comment and one thinks their role has changed? I am not wanting to be a jerk, I legitimately want to understand this. I’m not a woman, so I don’t profess to be an expert. Always want y to o learn though.


A little boy with a toy? A little boy who thinks drooling over boobs is sexy to a woman. And for some women it's going to seem like some disrespect or crossing boundaries of just everyday politeness. It's certainly not going to be the same for everyone so anyone is free to chime in.


----------



## SunCMars

heartsbeating said:


> The context of what I'm about to share is different to the scenario. Watching TV together and I was still snacking whereas he'd finished eating. He reached across and started demonstrating physical affection to the back of my neck and hair. What a bastard. I said to him along the lines of that normally I would like that, but not when I'm eating. His response was to briefly double-down, basically smothering me with that affection in exaggerated silliness, and with fun commentary that had me laughing hard, and then leaving me to finish eating in peace. He did it another time when I was eating... I chuckled and basically said, 'Oye, Batman I'm still eating..' He chuckled to/at himself and stopped. When I'd finished eating (not long after), I encouraged his affection to return; which it did. Therefore, the moral of the story is that goats cheese is delicious.


It came to mind, and I must say this..

You favorite pet, the unconditionally loving dog, hates to be disturbed when he is eating.
Dare touch his food, let alone his spine wins you a growl, maybe a quick bite.

Doing this with a house cat, on the other hand, will have them look at you in disgust and they will often just saunter way.
Doing this with a stray cat, will win you a furious fur ball fight to the end.

What you describe must be ingrained in us, from some primitive past, methinks.


_King Brian-_


----------



## Evinrude58

DownByTheRiver said:


> A little boy with a toy? A little boy who thinks drooling over boobs is sexy to a woman. And for some women it's going to seem like some disrespect or crossing boundaries of just everyday politeness. It's certainly not going to be the same for everyone so anyone is free to chime in.


I can see your point of that....but a man doesn’t have to be serious all the time with his own wife, does he? I’ve never in my life asked that if a significant other, although I’ve asked them to come over when they were dressing a time or two and wanted to snuggle and play with them a little...,, 

I just suspect there’s a LOT here thather husband does that bothers her regarding sex. She’s touchy.

one thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older, one gets to choose whether to be offended or not.
I save my negative thoughts for when someone is TRYING to offend me. Or at least I try to.


----------



## LATERILUS79

DownByTheRiver said:


> Thank you! I don't think a lot of men understand how big of a turn off childish behavior in a grown man is and it doesn't always have to be of a sexual nature. If you're viewing someone as a childish person, for whatever reason, that's just not sexy and your role has become something else if you're getting very much of that.


I couldn’t agree more. Childish and immature attitudes definitely can cause problems.

man. I get it.

it’s sorta like how it’s such a turn off for men when certain women do nothing but whiiiiiiine, cry and complain.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

LATERILUS79 said:


> I couldn’t agree more. Childish and immature attitudes definitely can cause problems.
> 
> man. I get it.
> 
> it’s sorta like how it’s such a turn off for men when certain women do nothing but whiiiiiiine, cry and complain.


Well I can only tell you how I am on that. If I feel like I have to whine cry and complain or nag a man, that's when I decide the relationship is over and not working.


----------



## Lila

DownByTheRiver said:


> Thank you! I don't think a lot of men understand how big of a turn off childish behavior in a grown man is and it doesn't always have to be of a sexual nature. If you're viewing someone as a *childish person, for whatever reason, that's just not sexy and your role has become something else if you're getting very much of that.*


I won't speak for other women as it's obvious different strokes for different folks but strictly on a personal level, *I* agree with you on the bolded (others may not and that's perfectly fine too). I am not, and have never been, attracted to childish men. I associate them with me having to be in control of the situation. It's probably why I have always been attracted to more serious men.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Also just as a side note, women who have really big boobs where she's always been stared at and commented about ever since she developed, has usually come to really dislike that. They feel like the only thing anyone cares about is their boobs and not their brains or their feelings or anything else.


----------



## Lila

Evinrude58 said:


> What else has the role become? I’m curious.
> A little playful show me your boobs comment and one thinks their role has changed? I am not wanting to be a jerk, I legitimately want to understand this. I’m not a woman, so I don’t profess to be an expert. Always want y to o learn though.


I can only speak for myself but the one off "show me your boobs" within context may not bother me. Just like I'm sure the one off, "show me the Benjamins in your wallet" might not bother you. But these are comments that lose their funniness fast.


----------



## LATERILUS79

DownByTheRiver said:


> Also just as a side note, women who have really big boobs where she's always been stared at and commented about ever since she developed, has usually come to really dislike that. They feel like the only thing anyone cares about is their boobs and not their brains or their feelings or anything else.


Oh no! The horror!

Hold on. I'm gonna go tell my wife that her gloriously huge perfect rack is the only thing I care about. She will then kick me in the balls and we will both LAUGH. It's It's opposite of being a stick in the mud. In addition, my wife and any other woman on this planet that were blessed with sweet dairy cannons can CHOOSE if they are offended or not. You know, because women have agency. 


Oh, and my wife has NEVER felt that her worth is only in her boobs. So your comment on "they feel like it is the only thing anyone cares about" is false. I'm sure some women feel this way, but not all.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh no! The horror!
> 
> Hold on. I'm gonna go tell my wife that her gloriously huge perfect rack is the only thing I care about. She will then kick me in the balls and we will both LAUGH. It's It's opposite of being a stick in the mud. In addition, my wife and any other woman on this planet that were blessed with sweet dairy cannons can CHOOSE if they are offended or not. You know, because women have agency.
> 
> 
> Oh, and my wife has NEVER felt that her worth is only in her boobs. So your comment on "they feel like it is the only thing anyone cares about" is false. I'm sure some women feel this way, but not all.


Well the ones who went and got fake boobs certainly don't mind them being stared at. But if girls develop early and had pretty big boobs they really went through kind of a bad period in school and get very sensitive about it.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Let’s see just this morning I asked my wife:

M: What are those sexy jammies you’re wearing?
H: They’re not sexy.
M: Then why do I have this? <reveals erection>

That worked.

<wife doing laundry but is also trying to hop in the shower>
M: <grabs her from behind and kisses neck>. What are those sexy panties you’re wearing?
H: They’re not sexy, they’re normal.
M: Then why do I have this? <reveals erection>

#foreverAlone did not work.

The lesson for OP’s husband, keep trying maybe one day it will work!


----------



## LATERILUS79

ccpowerslave said:


> Let’s see just this morning I asked my wife:
> 
> M: What are those sexy jammies you’re wearing?
> H: They’re not sexy.
> M: Then why do I have this? <reveals erection>
> 
> That worked.
> 
> <wife doing laundry but is also trying to hop in the shower>
> M: <grabs her from behind and kisses neck>. What are those sexy panties you’re wearing?
> H: They’re not sexy, they’re normal.
> M: Then why do I have this? <reveals erection>
> 
> #foreverAlone did not work.
> 
> The lesson for OP’s husband, keep trying maybe one day it will work!


CC!!! Stop having so much FUN!!!!!


----------



## Evinrude58

ccpowerslave said:


> Let’s see just this morning I asked my wife:
> 
> M: What are those sexy jammies you’re wearing?
> H: They’re not sexy.
> M: Then why do I have this? <reveals erection>
> 
> That worked.
> 
> <wife doing laundry but is also trying to hop in the shower>
> M: <grabs her from behind and kisses neck>. What are those sexy panties you’re wearing?
> H: They’re not sexy, they’re normal.
> M: Then why do I have this? <reveals erection>
> 
> #foreverAlone did not work.
> 
> The lesson for OP’s husband, keep trying maybe one day it will work!


Backing up my thinking that no matter what idiotic bs a man says, if he’s got a woman that wants him, she’s not offended. 
OP would have reacted negatively to that, I suspect. It’s childish, after all..... isn’t it?


----------



## LATERILUS79

Evinrude58 said:


> Backing up my thinking that no matter what idiotic bs a man says, if he’s got a woman that wants him, she’s not offended.
> OP would have reacted negatively to that, I suspect. It’s childish, after all..... isn’t it?


Sometimes it’s shocking how successful some men can be who are also childish and look to enjoy their lives as well.


----------



## Lila

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well the ones who went and got fake boobs certainly don't mind them being stared at. But if girls develop early and had pretty big boobs they really went through kind of a bad period in school and get very sensitive about it.


I don't know about that. I have "fake" boobs and I still don't like being told "show me your boobs".


----------



## Lila

Evinrude58 said:


> REDACTED


Dude why don't you believe the women telling exactly how they feel?

My guy is 50 and just won 1st in his bodybuilding division (5'10/185lbs). He's all natural and beat out much younger guys on steroids. He's smokin' hot by all definitions and spoils me rotten. I still would not accept that sort of behavior from him. He knows that and thankfully, we see eye to eye. All I have to say is "I'm not into that" and he respects my boundaries. Same with him.

What's so wrong with saying "I don't find that attractive, please don't do it again"? It's a mature discussion.


----------



## Evinrude58

Lila said:


> Dude why don't you believe the women telling exactly how they feel?
> 
> My guy is 50 and just won 1st in his bodybuilding division (5'10/185lbs). He's all natural and beat out much younger guys on steroids. He's smokin' hot by all definitions and spoils me rotten. I still would not accept that sort of behavior from him. He knows that and thankfully, we see eye to eye. All I have to say is "I'm not into that" and he respects my boundaries. Same with him.
> 
> What's so wrong with saying "I don't find that attractive, please don't do it again"? It's a mature discussion.


I don’t disagree. I wouldn’t say something that juvenile, and wouldn’t get all jacked out of shape if my SO told me I did something that turned her off. All I’m saying is I suspect there’s something OP’s husband does every day that turns her off. I hope I’m wrong.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Evinrude58 said:


> Backing up my thinking that no matter what idiotic bs a man says, if he’s got a woman that wants him, she’s not offended.
> OP would have reacted negatively to that, I suspect. It’s childish, after all..... isn’t it?


Exactly I mean I made that for her!


----------



## Diana7

Not sure if anyone mentioned this but in the original post the op said he does this often as soon as the children leave the room. Therefore the children are presumably around in close proximity and could walk in at any time. That alone could make many women feel wary and not enjoy this. 
Plus any man who thinks he is asking her to do this for 'her' benefit and not 'his' really hasn't got a clue.


----------



## Evinrude58

Diana7 said:


> Not sure if anyone mentioned this but in the original post the op said he does this often as soon as the children leave the room. Therefore the children are presumably around in close proximity and could walk in at any time. That alone could make many women feel wary and not enjoy this.
> Plus any man who thinks he is asking her to do this for 'her' benefit and not 'his' really hasn't got a clue.


Don’t know how I missed that but I reread the O post And agree, repulsive and uncalled for. Somehow I didn’t make the connection that it was happening regularly. My apologies to the OP. She’s totally in the right.


----------



## ccpowerslave

It’s true if it’s a prank and playful then it can be fun. If instead it’s a demand and it’s not fun but it’s serious, yeah that is messed up.


----------



## Diana7

ccpowerslave said:


> It’s true if it’s a prank and playful then it can be fun. If instead it’s a demand and it’s not fun but it’s serious, yeah that is messed up.


There is a time and place though. With children around the house isn't either.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Diana7 said:


> There is a time and place though. With children around the house isn't either.


Thankfully I don’t know about that, although my wife’s period was a few days late recently and I was about 10% anxious and started picturing Maury accusing me of being the father.


----------



## farsidejunky

DownByTheRiver said:


> A little boy with a toy? A little boy who thinks drooling over boobs is sexy to a woman. And for some women it's going to seem like some disrespect or crossing boundaries of just everyday politeness. It's certainly not going to be the same for everyone so anyone is free to chime in.


Everyone is allowed to determine what is or is not okay for them in a relationship.

That said, I find it interesting your (and others) correlation between being playful in this manner and a lack of maturity.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## uphillbattle

Evinrude58 said:


> Backing up my thinking that no matter what idiotic bs a man says, if he’s got a woman that wants him, she’s not offended.
> OP would have reacted negatively to that, I suspect. It’s childish, after all..... isn’t it?


This for the most part has been what I have seen. Even in my own marriage, I have a wife who has Bi-Polar. I get 3 different reactions based on 3 different people. The leeway of what idiotic bs I get away with purely depends on what attraction she feels on any given day. 

As for the whiney pouty husband of the op. Men live on their ego. You destroy that ego you get a pouty little kid. It's that simple. For some men it's harder to destroy but sure as a water grinds stone even the strongest of men who don't leave will wear down to nothing but a whiny little kid. Usually the stronger ones cheat or leave and find an ego boost somewhere else. It sounds as if your husband has hit the bottom.


----------



## farsidejunky

DownByTheRiver said:


> Also just as a side note, women who have really big boobs where she's always been stared at and commented about ever since she developed, has usually come to really dislike that. They feel like the only thing anyone cares about is their boobs and not their brains or their feelings or anything else.


Frankly, if after 17 years, raising a teen child, supporting through the death of loved ones, health scares, helping to start, build, and sell a wildly successful business, and countless other things, she had even a glimmer of thought that her boobs were the only thing that I was interested in, I would argue that it is not the man who is childish.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## LATERILUS79

farsidejunky said:


> Frankly, if after 17 years, raising a teen child, supporting through the death of loved ones, health scares, helping to start, build, and sell a wildly successful business, and countless other things, she had even a glimmer of thought that her boobs were the only thing that I was interested in, I would argue that it is not the man who is childish.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


FSJ, you aren't paying attention to the details here. First, it has to be a glorious pair. A very large pair. Only then can they be stared at and commented about ever since they developed. Only then can a pair of breasts wield the power of "Only thing interesting about said woman who owns them".


----------



## LATERILUS79

ccpowerslave said:


> Thankfully I don’t know about that, although my wife’s period was a few days late recently and I was about 10% anxious and started picturing Maury accusing me of being the father.


Damn. That escelated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast! 🤣 🤣 🤣 

Period late a few days....... Maury.


----------



## farsidejunky

LATERILUS79 said:


> FSJ, you aren't paying attention to the details here. First, it has to be a glorious pair. A very large pair. Only then can they be stared at and commented about ever since they developed. Only then can a pair of breasts wield the power of "Only thing interesting about said woman who owns them".


Then I guess my wife's B cups don't qualify me for the conversation.

I'll respectfully bow out.



Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Rob_1

I find it pathetic that some of these female posters think that because to then is childish and a turn off then the rest of the female population in this planet must think and agreed with their bitter, uptight, puritan, and or condescending attitude toward the issue.

There's plenty of women in this world that like to barter with their man by showing their breast, whether by both just being silly or as a mean to turn on their partner. This goes on every day of every year by countless of couples around the world.

I would gather that here in the USA where the mores are more uptight and puritan, and hypocritical than the rest of the world you would find more women being all hogwash about it. What man would want to be tied to a prude/uptight? Answer: another prude/uptight dude, or one of those dudes that tolerate these type of women because they never had the balls to leave them for someone more to their liking.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

farsidejunky said:


> Frankly, if after 17 years, raising a teen child, supporting through the death of loved ones, health scares, helping to start, build, and sell a wildly successful business, and countless other things, she had even a glimmer of thought that her boobs were the only thing that I was interested in, I would argue that it is not the man who is childish.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Then why doesn't he stop after he knows she dislikes that.


----------



## uphillbattle

Rob_1 said:


> I find it pathetic that some of these female posters think that because to then is childish and a turn off then the rest of the female population in this planet must think and agreed with their bitter, uptight, puritan, and or condescending attitude toward the issue.
> 
> There's plenty of women in this world that like to barter with their man by showing their breast, whether by both just being silly or as a mean to turn on their partner. This goes on every day of every year by countless of couples around the world.
> 
> I would gather that here in the USA where the mores are more uptight and puritan, and hypocritical than the rest of the world you would find more women being all hogwash about it. What man would want to be tied to a prude/uptight? Answer: another prude/uptight dude, or one of those dudes that tolerate these type of women because they never had the balls to leave them for someone more to their liking.


In this case it really only matters how the op finds it. She says childish.


----------



## uphillbattle

DownByTheRiver said:


> Then why doesn't he stop after he knows she dislikes that.


I bet it goes back to when she WAS attracted to him. Probably didn't have a visceral reaction then. In his mind, didn't mind then=shouldn't mind now. Failure to adapt will kill ya.


----------



## farsidejunky

DownByTheRiver said:


> Then why doesn't he stop after he knows she dislikes that.


This is fair.

He should recognize that it is a passion killer for her. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Personal

Diana7 said:


> There is a time and place though. With children around the house isn't either.


'Heaven forbid!'

As a parent I am glad to say that my wife doesn't share your perspective on this. So for us when our offspring were still children, my wife would quite readily and enthusiastically show me her pink bits.

In other words she would reveal her tits, or lift her skirt/dress to show me her vulva. Either on her own initiative, or upon my request whenever opportunity arose. Like whenever one or both of our children had just left the room we were in, or we were otherwise already alone together in a room.

Likewise now that our children are adults and still living at home, my wife still frequently and enthusiastically flashes me in our home.


----------



## Rob_1

uphillbattle said:


> In this case it really only matters how the op finds it. She says childish.



Yeah, but I wasn't giving input to the OP, but to some of the posts by other females. The OP can object all she wants about her husband's silly antics, but in the end it's between her and her husband to either for him to stop or not. For some couples this can't never be worked up, for others it can. For some couples the dude might in the end get eventually turn off by the partner to the point of also resenting, and then both resenting, eventually becoming a non compatible couples and splitsville.


----------



## Personal

farsidejunky said:


> He should recognize that it is a passion killer for her.


Indeed he should, especially with respect to his sulking about it.

That said by the same token, her denial is also a passion killer for him. So if neither of them are inclined to meet in the middle, where she flashes him sometimes and he asks for it less often. Then he would do well to replace his wife, with a woman who has a better sense of humour and is more able to flirt sexually with him.


----------



## farsidejunky

Personal said:


> Indeed he should, especially with respect to his sulking about it.
> 
> That said by the same token, her denial is also a passion killer for him. So if neither of them are inclined to meet in the middle, where she flashes him sometimes and he asks for it less often. Then he would do well to replace his wife, with a woman who has a better sense of humour and is more able to flirt sexually with him.


QFT. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

Rob_1 said:


> I find it pathetic that some of these female posters think that because to then is childish and a turn off then the rest of the female population in this planet must think and agreed with their bitter, uptight, puritan, and or condescending attitude toward the issue.
> 
> There's plenty of women in this world that like to barter with their man by showing their breast, whether by both just being silly or as a mean to turn on their partner. This goes on every day of every year by countless of couples around the world.
> 
> I would gather that here in the USA where the mores are more uptight and puritan, and hypocritical than the rest of the world you would find more women being all hogwash about it. What man would want to be tied to a prude/uptight? Answer: another prude/uptight dude, or one of those dudes that tolerate these type of women because they never had the balls to leave them for someone more to their liking.


I find it pathetic that some of the male posters would call a woman who doesn't not find such behaviors sexy or sexually attractive as "bitter, uptight, puritan, and or [having a] condescending attitude". 

I think your comment stating that any man involved with a woman who doesn't enjoy these behaviors as "never having had the balls to leave them for someone more to their liking" interesting. In my case, as someone that doesn't enjoy this sort of behavior, my guy likes me enough to stick around; and IMHO, I'm punching way above my belt with him. He busted out laughing when I asked him if he'd use the words "prudish", "bitter", or "uptight" to describe me, all with my best pirate smile (i am extremely confident when it comes to sex). His response was to call me a prude as he took my clothes off and ****ed me senseless. It seems like THiS behavior IS sexually attractive to me. Lol. Different strokes for different folks.


----------



## Rob_1

Lila said:


> He busted out laughing when I asked him if he'd use the words "prudish", "bitter", or "uptight" to describe me, all with my best pirate smile (i am extremely confident when it comes to sex). His response was to call me a prude as he took my clothes off and ****ed me senseless


So, you just proved my point. According to you, you just went silly with him, but in a different scenario. That's how is supposed to be. Like I explained afterwards, just plainly being all upset and uptight about the OP situation is a two ways street because OP's husband also can react in a drastic way eventually about the relationship. That's how things can evolved within couples when you do not compromise and take a middle road. There are posts here by females which their take is my way or the highway. That's really pathetic, and a relationship killer. 

I literally dumped my first wife after just a little over three months of bullshits like this, preceeded by other my way or the highway issues in the sex department. I'm a confident enough in myself man to never take **** like this from any woman. I lead by example in my relationships. You not being in the same wavelength with me: Goodbye. Relationship over. I couldn't care one bit if I'm thought of as arrogant or non caring.


----------



## Lila

Rob_1 said:


> So, you just proved my point. According to you, you just went silly with him, but in a different scenario. That's how is supposed to be. Like I explained afterwards, just plainly being all upset and uptight about the OP situation is a two ways street because OP's husband also can react in a drastic way eventually about the relationship. That's how things can evolved within couples when you do not compromise and take a middle road. There are posts here by females which their take is my way or the highway. That's really pathetic, and a relationship killer.
> 
> I literally dumped my first wife after just a little over three months of bullshits like this, preceeded by other my way or the highway issues in the sex department. I'm a confident enough in myself man to never take **** like this from any woman. I lead by example in my relationships. You not being in the same wavelength with me: Goodbye. Relationship over. I couldn't care one bit if I'm thought of as arrogant or non caring.


I'm not sure how I proved your point. There was no compromise to be made because I actually enjoyed his behavior and thought it was sexy. He knows I don't like "show me your boobs" and there's no amount of compromise to make me respond in a sexually positive way to such a comment. It's actually got the opposite effect actually. If he absolutely needs to be with a woman who finds that sort of behavior sexually attractive, then he's got the wrong woman. Nothing to be upset about; we're incompatible. 

You state "There are posts here by females which their take is my way or the highway. That's really pathetic, and a relationship killer." but then turn around and say "You not being in the same wavelength with me: Goodbye. Relationship over. I couldn't care one bit if I'm thought of as arrogant or non caring.". So basically you're saying it's okay for the man to expect his woman to suck up undesirable behavior but it's not okay for the woman to expect her man to stop the understandable behavior. Two sides to the same coin. It's hypocritical but at least you're honest about it.


----------



## heartsbeating

farsidejunky said:


> Everyone is allowed to determine what is or is not okay for them in a relationship.
> 
> That said, I find it interesting your (and others) correlation between being playful in this manner and a lack of maturity.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I concur with both sentiments.

As for being playful, I don’t connect that to immaturity. There are aspects of playfulness that can connect to creativity and flexibility. And which I do find attractive. Alongside not taking oneself too seriously. I could not be with someone that was serious all the time; it would be repelling. I love being able to also express moments of playfulness and goofiness and without self-consciousness attached as there’s a shared compatibility of personalities in that way for us.

In saying all of that, I’d be hard-pressed to recall Batman randomly telling me to show him my boobs. I do willingly flash him though. His sexual playfulness is demonstrated in other ways, and including how he responds to me and which often has me laughing. Timing and reading each other and aspects of compatibility play a part in that.

As for OP, I’d hazard a guess those factors may play a part in how they respond and interact with one another.


----------



## Personal

Lila said:


> Nothing to be upset about; we're incompatible.


Life would be so much easier for all, if everyone applied that mindset to their sexual relationship partners.


----------



## Diana7

Personal said:


> 'Heaven forbid!'
> 
> As a parent I am glad to say that my wife doesn't share your perspective on this. So for us when our offspring were still children, my wife would quite readily and enthusiastically show me her pink bits.
> 
> In other words she would reveal her tits, or lift her skirt/dress to show me her vulva. Either on her own initiative, or upon my request whenever opportunity arose. Like whenever one or both of our children had just left the room we were in, or we were otherwise already alone together in a room.
> 
> Likewise now that our children are adults and still living at home, my wife still frequently and enthusiastically flashes me in our home.


The difference is that she choose to do this. She wanted to do it, you didn't ask or demand or go into a hissy fit if she didn't want to do it. 
Surely marriage is about thinking of the other person and their feelings and desires not over riding them because you have decided that it will turn them on when it clearly doesn't. 
Then sulking as well.


----------



## Diana7

Personal said:


> Indeed he should, especially with respect to his sulking about it.
> 
> That said by the same token, her denial is also a passion killer for him. So if neither of them are inclined to meet in the middle, where she flashes him sometimes and he asks for it less often. Then he would do well to replace his wife, with a woman who has a better sense of humour and is more able to flirt sexually with him.


How about he actually asks her what she actually likes? There are good ways to make a woman feel sexy, some of which have already been said here.


----------



## Diana7

Lila said:


> I find it pathetic that some of the male posters would call a woman who doesn't not find such behaviors sexy or sexually attractive as "bitter, uptight, puritan, and or [having a] condescending attitude".
> 
> I think your comment stating that any man involved with a woman who doesn't enjoy these behaviors as "never having had the balls to leave them for someone more to their liking" interesting. In my case, as someone that doesn't enjoy this sort of behavior, my guy likes me enough to stick around; and IMHO, I'm punching way above my belt with him. He busted out laughing when I asked him if he'd use the words "prudish", "bitter", or "uptight" to describe me, all with my best pirate smile (i am extremely confident when it comes to sex). His response was to call me a prude as he took my clothes off and ****ed me senseless. It seems like THiS behavior IS sexually attractive to me. Lol. Different strokes for different folks.


Lila you really don't have to justify yourself in answer to such a crazy, wrong and judgemental post. It wasn't even worth replying to. You and your husband are clearly good together as we are as well, but we can also see that we are all different and like different things. The OP knows what turns her on and her husband clearly hasn't a clue.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Rob_1 said:


> I find it pathetic that some of these female posters think that because to then is childish and a turn off then the rest of the female population in this planet must think and agreed with their bitter, uptight, puritan, and or condescending attitude toward the issue.
> 
> There's plenty of women in this world that like to barter with their man by showing their breast, whether by both just being silly or as a mean to turn on their partner. This goes on every day of every year by countless of couples around the world.
> 
> I would gather that here in the USA where the mores are more uptight and puritan, and hypocritical than the rest of the world you would find more women being all hogwash about it. What man would want to be tied to a prude/uptight? Answer: another prude/uptight dude, or one of those dudes that tolerate these type of women because they never had the balls to leave them for someone more to their liking.


People who know me in real life would laugh out loud if you were to call me a Puritan or prude. 

Disliking crude childish frat boy behavior from someone you probably hoped would one day mature is no indictment on the woman.


----------



## Personal

Diana7 said:


> How about he actually asks her what she actually likes? There are good ways to make a woman feel sexy, some of which have already been said here.


Likewise how about she actually asks him what he actually likes. Which applies as I have already addressed as quoted below. Since in the same way it is suggested, that if he loves her he ought to accommodate her desires at his expense. The same should also equally apply to her, in that if she loves him she ought to accommodate his desires at her expense.

That said since I feel there is no need for accommodation of another sexual desires, if one doesn't want to accommodate those desires. This is best solved by one or both of them, satiating their sexual desires with others who would meet those wants.

In other words what is good for the goose, ought to also be good for the gander.



Personal said:


> That said by the same token, her denial is also a passion killer for him. So if neither of them are inclined to meet in the middle, where she flashes him sometimes and he asks for it less often. Then he would do well to replace his wife, with a woman who has a better sense of humour and is more able to flirt sexually with him.


----------



## Lila

Personal said:


> Life would be so much easier for all, if everyone applied that mindset to their sexual relationship partners.


Short of those people in relationships where sex is forced (directly or indirectly), sex is the proof of a connected relationship. So I'll go one step further and say that life would be so much easier if compatibility was applied to ALL parts of a relationship. Traditionally these include family values, finances, type of relationship sought, and religion to name a few but in today's world I include social consciousness and political ideals.


----------



## Lila

Personal said:


> Likewise how about she actually asks him what he actually likes. Which applies as I have already addressed as quoted below. Since in the same way it is suggested, that if he loves her he ought to accommodate her desires at his expense. The same should also equally apply to her, in that if she loves him she ought to accommodate his desires at her expense.
> 
> That said since I feel there is no need for accommodation of another sexual desires, if one doesn't want to accommodate those desires. This is best solved by one or both of them, satiating their sexual desires with others who would meet those wants.
> 
> In other words what is good for the goose, ought to also be good for the gander.


How about they don't worry about accommodating the desires in the other, and having their one sided desires accommodated, and just stick to what they find *mutually* enjoyable?


----------



## Personal

Diana7 said:


> The difference is that she choose to do this. She wanted to do it, you didn't ask or demand or go into a hissy fit if she didn't want to do it.


Of course she chooses to, there is no compulsion between us in our marital relationship. That said on occasion I sometimes ask my wife or tell her to show me. Which she either chooses to do or chooses not to do at the time.

One thing though I concur sulking, hissy fits and the like aren't attractive and are counterproductive to encouraging the behaviour that the OPs husband desires.



> Surely marriage is about thinking of the other person and their feelings and desires not over riding them because you have decided that it will turn them on when it clearly doesn't.


Indeed it goes a long way.

With that said the OPs denial and expression of disgust towards her husbands desire, is a demonstration of her lack of care for his feelings and wants. So in the same way he is not accommodating her wants, she is not accommodating his wants. So both of them are treating each other with the same reciprocal care.

At the end fo the day though, there is a solution for that. They can cheat on each other with others (to meet their wants) and or divorce each other.



> Then sulking as well.


Covered that.


----------



## Personal

Lila said:


> How about they don't worry about accommodating the desires in the other, and having their one sided desires accommodated, and just stick to what they find *mutually* enjoyable?


That can work.

Although that will guarantee there will be unmet desires. So both of them ought to feel free to find other consenting sexual partners, who would be happy to meet any inherent desire shortfalls.

Win-win.


----------



## SunCMars

Lila said:


> I won't speak for other women as it's obvious different strokes for different folks but strictly on a personal level, *I* agree with you on the bolded (others may not and that's perfectly fine too). I am not, and have never been, attracted to childish men. I associate them with me having to be in control of the situation. It's probably why I have always been attracted to more serious men.


That is fine, to each their own.

The problem comes when a person is too serious, or too childish.

Too serious to allow any playful banter and touching cannot be a good thing.

There obviously is a time or a place for everything, including boob touching.

I would think everywhere where privacy is not a concern.
With, no one observing!

Boobs are wondrous things.


They have two and only two purposes.

Which is primary is up for debate.

!) Purpose one, to suckle an infant.

2) Purpose two, to attract men, and for them to play with and 'pretend' to suckle.

Dinner time is not a good time, nor is when a lady is feeling ill.
The rest of the time is open for exploring.


But, that is just my short opinion.



_King Brian-_


----------



## Lila

Personal said:


> That can work.
> 
> Although that will guarantee there will be unmet desires. So both of them ought to feel free to find other consenting sexual partners, who would be happy to meet any inherent desire shortfalls.
> 
> Win-win.



I think that's the part of finding a compatible partner who shares a similar opinion on ALL relationship expectations. Acknowledging that unmet needs (all, not just sexual) will be met outside the marriage takes two people to agree to such arrangements. If the expectation is for a monogamous relationship where only mutually enjoyed acts are performed, then seeking to meet those needs outside marriage is cheating.


----------



## Lila

SunCMars said:


> That is fine, to each their own.
> 
> The problem comes when a person is too serious, or too childish.
> 
> Too serious to allow any playful banter and touching cannot be a good thing.
> 
> There obviously is a time or a place for everything, including boob touching.
> 
> I would think everywhere where privacy is not a concern.
> With, no one observing!
> 
> Boobs are wondrous things.
> 
> 
> They have two and only two purposes.
> 
> Which is primary is up for debate.
> 
> !) Purpose one, to suckle an infant.
> 
> 2) Purpose two, to attract men, and for them to play with and 'pretend' to suckle.
> 
> Dinner time is not a good time, nor is when a lady is feeling ill.
> The rest of the time is open for exploring.
> 
> 
> But, that is just my short opinion.
> 
> 
> 
> _King Brian-_


Maybe it's me but I don't see the incompatibility as a problem because I wouldn't date or marry someone whose incompatibility was not something I could accept. Simple.

ETA:. My biggest fear dating is that I find someone who likes my 99 other qualities and sticks around with the intentions of changing the 1%. I prefer if they just say "we're not compatible".


----------



## Personal

Lila said:


> I think that's the part of finding a compatible partner who shares a similar opinion on ALL relationship expectations.


Yes! It is when people settle for less, that they find themselves with such problems.



> Acknowledging that unmet needs (all, not just sexual) will be met outside the marriage takes two people to agree to such arrangements. If the expectation is for a monogamous relationship where only mutually enjoyed acts are performed, then seeking to meet those needs outside marriage is cheating.


Yep.

Although absent agreement, technically it isn't cheating (although it is adultery) if the person, unilaterally choosing to seek sex outside of a nominally monogamous marriage. tells their spouse they are going to do that, in order to meet their unmet needs.That way the informed spouse, knows about it and can make informed decisions as to whether they will accept that or instead choose divorce.


----------



## Lila

Personal said:


> Although absent agreement, technically it isn't cheating (although it is adultery) if the person, unilaterally choosing to seek sex outside of a nominally monogamous marriage. tells their spouse they are going to do that, in order to meet their unmet needs.That way the informed spouse, knows about it and can make informed decisions as to whether they will accept that or instead choose divorce.



The problem with this is that chances are that if there's no agreement in relationship type the likelihood of having a discussion to define "nominal monogamous marriage" is nil. If one person's idea for nominal monogamous marriage includes fulfilling all of their kinks and desires and the other's is PIV sex on a bed, then there is a disconnect. The kinky person seeking their needs outside marriage, is in my opinion cheating regardless of whether there is a heads up or not.


----------



## Personal

Lila said:


> is in my opinion cheating regardless of whether there is a heads up or not.


To me for it to be considered cheating it requires the application of deceit. Absent deceit, I don’t consider it to be cheating.


----------



## SunCMars

Lila said:


> Maybe it's me but I don't see the incompatibility as a problem because I wouldn't date or marry someone whose incompatibility was not something I could accept. Simple.
> 
> ETA:. My biggest fear dating is that I find someone who likes my 99 other qualities and sticks around with the intentions of changing the 1%. I prefer if they just say "we're not compatible".


I agree.

It is always that 1% that (so many) cannot 'un-see'. 

The problem is, many women marry (faulty) men with the intention of 'training them'.

Ugh, you don't know how irksome this can be!

Men have no interest in training their brides, they either ignore her _purportedly_ annoying _things_, or they snap at her when _they_ pop up.

God, to have a lover with that 99% perfection.

Hell, just put a piece of tape over the mole on the left butt cheek.


----------



## Diana7

Personal said:


> That can work.
> 
> Although that will guarantee there will be unmet desires. So both of them ought to feel free to find other consenting sexual partners, who would be happy to meet any inherent desire shortfalls.
> 
> Win-win.


Not having every single want or desire met is really a terrible reason to cheat. Marriage is about compromise and unselfishness and faithfulness.


----------



## Diana7

Personal said:


> Yes! It is when people settle for less, that they find themselves with such problems.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep.
> 
> Although absent agreement, technically it isn't cheating (although it is adultery) if the person, unilaterally choosing to seek sex outside of a nominally monogamous marriage. tells their spouse they are going to do that, in order to meet their unmet needs.That way the informed spouse, knows about it and can make informed decisions as to whether they will accept that or instead choose divorce.


Thankfully most would choose divorce rather than be married to someone who cares so little about them.


----------



## uphillbattle

Lila said:


> I think that's the part of finding a compatible partner who shares a similar opinion on ALL relationship expectations. Acknowledging that unmet needs (all, not just sexual) will be met outside the marriage takes two people to agree to such arrangements. If the expectation is for a monogamous relationship where only mutually enjoyed acts are performed, then seeking to meet those needs outside marriage is cheating.


Meh, usually cupules are sexually compatible during the honeymoon phase. It's when this ends that the LD partner feels as if they were swindled and the HD partner usually doesn't give 2 ****s, they see it as the HD partner's problem instead of a relationship problem. This can become a deep seeded issue if the couple doesn't adapt.


----------



## Diana7

I honestly don't see it as complicated. If I regularly asked my husband to do something round the house and he said he really didn't like it and it wasn't making him feel in the least turned on, there would be no problem whatsoever. I would just stop asking for that particular thing and move on.


----------



## Lila

uphillbattle said:


> Meh, usually cupules are sexually compatible during the honeymoon phase. It's when this ends that the LD partner feels as if they were swindled and the HD partner usually doesn't give 2 ****s, they see it as the HD partner's problem instead of a relationship problem. This can become a deep seeded issue if the couple doesn't adapt.


In this situation, I somewhat agree with @Personal. If you and your partner can at the very least agree to the type of relationship you expect, which may or may not mean getting unmet needs (sexual, emotional, etc) outsourced, then it doesn't really have to be a deep seeded issue. At a minimum you've found a person that thinks the same way about needs as you.


----------



## Personal

Diana7 said:


> Marriage is about compromise and unselfishness


Well with that being the case, then the OP should have shown her tits.


----------



## joannacroc

I think it sounds like he's going for playful but it's coming off puerile. Have you had a meaningful conversation together about what turns you both on? Maybe there's a way for you to be playful together in a way that doesn't skeeve you out.


----------



## Diana7

Personal said:


> Well with that being the case, then the OP should have shown her tits.





Personal said:


> Well with that being the case, then the OP should have shown her tits.


Why would you want your spouse to do something that turns them right off? I just don't get that at all.


----------



## Diana7

Lila said:


> In this situation, I somewhat agree with @Personal. If you and your partner can at the very least agree to the type of relationship you expect, which may or may not mean getting unmet needs (sexual, emotional, etc) outsourced, then it doesn't really have to be a deep seeded issue. At a minimum you've found a person that thinks the same way about needs as you.


As long as they know that before you marry them. 
They me that isn't a marriage but there you go.


----------



## Personal

Diana7 said:


> Why would you want your spouse to do something that turns them right off? I just don't get that at all.


That's a very good question, since the OPs refusal is evidently a turn off for her husband. So perhaps @Finewithneutral could share why she wants to turn her husband off? Plus perhaps explain, why she won't behave unselfishly and with compromise towards her husband as you suggest?


----------



## Lila

Diana7 said:


> As long as they know that before you marry them.
> They me that isn't a marriage but there you go.


I feel the same which is why when I was dating, I always tried to suss this sort of information out. It took some skill but thankfully I had 100% success rate with getting to the truth, or at least filling in enough blanks before investing too much time on incompatible men.


----------



## farsidejunky

Diana7 said:


> Why would you want your spouse to do something that turns them right off? I just don't get that at all.


Diana:

What you either don't see (or won't see) is her refusal to do something he likes potentially impacts him negatively every bit as much as her choosing to do something for him she doesn't like impacts her.

Neither is right...or wrong. Both choices have impact...and consequences.

Why you don't (or won't) see that speaks to a likely cognitive bias. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## uphillbattle

Lila said:


> In this situation, I somewhat agree with @Personal. If you and your partner can at the very least agree to the type of relationship you expect, which may or may not mean getting unmet needs (sexual, emotional, etc) outsourced, then it doesn't really have to be a deep seeded issue. At a minimum you've found a person that thinks the same way about needs as you.


That can be agreed upon all you want at the beginning. Very few will be willing to let the other step out. The problem comes when feelings change and one becomes LD and acts as if it won't effect them in the end. Then they get a childish spouse and act as if it is somehow the HD spouses fault the ridiculous argument "sex shouldn't be that important, you would ruin the relationship over that?" gets thrown around. Then the HD partner is made to feel like their needs and wants are less than. Whenever you demean your partner's feelings that makes you a callous underserving partner. This goes both ways, when the LD partner actually tells you what would help and the HD partner ignores that then they get (or don't get) what they deserve. At this point kiss all hopes of a mutually happy marriage goodbye.


----------



## Diana7

Personal said:


> That's a very good question, since the OPs refusal is evidently a turn off for her husband. So perhaps @Finewithneutral could share why she wants to turn her husband off? Plus perhaps explain, why she won't behave unselfishly and with compromise towards her husband as you suggest?


He has instigated this, it turns her off. Pointless.


----------



## Diana7

farsidejunky said:


> Diana:
> 
> What you either don't see (or won't see) is her refusal to do something he likes potentially impacts him negatively every bit as much as her choosing to do something for him she doesn't like impacts her.
> 
> Neither is right...or wrong. Both choices have impact...and consequences.
> 
> Why you don't (or won't) see that speaks to a likely cognitive bias.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


He is the one who is asking for this. He seems to think that it will turn her on. It's having the opposite effect so it's pointless. How about he actually does/says something that she likes and that will have the effect he is hoping for.


----------



## farsidejunky

Diana7 said:


> He is the one who is asking for this. He seems to think that it will turn her on. It's having the opposite effect so it's pointless. How about he actually does/says something that she likes and that will have the effect he is hoping for.


Or she could do it because he wants her to.

The **** (or insane, if you subscribe to the definition of insanity oft quoted) thing is that we can do this all day, Diana. 'Round and 'round we go.

In the end, she is entitled to not do it, just as he is entitled to see it as a deal breaker for her refusal to do so. 

That you only see her perspective (again) is a sign of a likely cognitive bias.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## uphillbattle

Diana7 said:


> He is the one who is asking for this. He seems to think that it will turn her on. It's having the opposite effect so it's pointless. How about he actually does/says something that she likes and that will have the effect he is hoping for.


Has she explained what that something is? Hell, has he done this after she said the first time? You have no idea, the op hasn't come back. Happens all the time, someone comes here for a pat on the back and doesn't come back after that first non-affirmation of their complaint.


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Or she could do it because he wants her to.
> 
> The **** (or insane, if you subscribe to the definition of insanity oft quoted) thing is that we can do this all day, Diana. 'Round and 'round we go.
> 
> In the end, she is entitled to not do it, just as he is entitled to see it as a deal breaker for her refusal to do so.
> 
> That you only see her perspective (again) is a sign of a likely cognitive bias.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I don't know @farsidejunky. If the goal is to seduce your partner to wanting to have sex, why would anyone in their right mind do something that turns them off? 

Eg. I find guy-guy gay porn sexy. Neither my ex husband or boyfriend find it sexually attractive. In fact it has the opposite effect. Should I expect them to suck it up and watch it with me because it turns me on? Excuse the bluntness but if I want sex with an erect penis, I think the answer is to avoid the things that turn him off.


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> I don't know @farsidejunky. If the goal is to seduce your partner to wanting to have sex, why would anyone in their right mind do something that turns them off?
> 
> Eg. I find guy-guy gay porn sexy. Neither my ex husband or boyfriend find it sexually attractive. In fact it has the opposite effect. Should I expect them to suck it up and watch it with me because it turns me on? Excuse the bluntness but if I want sex with an erect penis, I think the answer is to avoid the things that turn him off.


I don't disagree with this at all, @Lila.

Then there is the other side of the coin.

If she wanted to see him happy/horny/etc. (pick your adjective), she would have to consider that telling him 'no' could potentially impact him in the same way.

"Damn, she thinks I'm immature for wanting to be playful? Who is this person I married?"



Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> I don't disagree with this at all, @Lila.
> 
> Then there is the other side of the coin.
> 
> If* she wanted to see him happy/horny/etc. (pick your adjective), she would have to consider that telling him 'no' could potentially impact him in the same way.*
> 
> "Damn, she thinks I'm immature for wanting to be playful? Who is this person I married?"
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


 Going back to the OP, she says she "bites back her tongue" in order to avoid conflict. That's a recipe for disaster. I have never been a fan of radical honesty in relationships but when there are behaviors that completely turn us off, then I think an honest conversation is in order if only to avoid the wrong impression from persisting. Just because one behavior is a turnoff doesn't mean everything about the spouse is a turnoff or they are generally unattractive. I'm learning people with higher emotional Intelligence can handle this sort of honesty better than those with lower EI. 

I'm still learning to do this myself but the modified Golden Rule - do unto others as they would like to have done - is a great way to start. If both spouses did that, then neither would behave in repulsive ways to their SO and both would get their needs met.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Lila said:


> Eg. I find guy-guy gay porn sexy. Neither my ex husband or boyfriend find it sexually attractive. In fact it has the opposite effect. Should I expect them to suck it up and watch it with me because it turns me on?


My answer is maybe. I know my wife has watched gay porn before. I am not into watching men have sex with each other at all but if she was like you know I really want to try this to get off, and it doesn’t involve me having to have sex with men then why not? 

I would at least try it for her. I’d expect her to try stuff for me so I can reciprocate.


----------



## Lila

ccpowerslave said:


> My answer is maybe. I know my wife has watched gay porn before. I am not into watching men have sex with each other at all but if she was like you know I really want to try this to get off, and it doesn’t involve me having to have sex with men then why not?
> 
> I would at least try it for her. I’d expect her to try stuff for me so I can reciprocate.


That's great for you. That hasn't been the case with the men in my life and, to be completely honest, it hasn't been the case with me either. 

It sounds like you expect your wife to participate in every one of your desires at least once. If she's on board with that, and it works for both of you, then consider yourself a lucky man. Enjoy it.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Lila said:


> That's great for you. That hasn't been the case with the men in my life and, to be completely honest, it hasn't been the case with me either.
> 
> It sounds like you expect your wife to participate in every one of your desires at least once. If she's on board with that, and it works for both of you, then consider yourself a lucky man. Enjoy it.


The longer I am on TAM the more I appreciate my many blessings, this is true.


----------



## Married but Happy

OP, if it's annoying and a turnoff for you, that's fine. Someday he'll probably get the message, and stop asking. He _may_ also stop a lot of other things that DO please you because he'll feel you've pushed him away and have no interest in pleasing him. It probably comes down to whether he's being playful and flirtatious, or entitled and selfish. Only you can decide which it is, and decide how to act on that. Maybe he should just go to strip clubs for a bit of a thrill.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> He has instigated this, it turns her off. Pointless.


Yeah. I mean, he's just clueless if he doesn't understand that she might have been more amenable to sex BEFORE he acted like a skeevy juvenile. Maybe he really doesn't want sex. Maybe he's just trying to intimidate her and get that shock reaction. Maybe it's the shock reaction that really gets him off, kind of like flashers. They value the shock reaction more than sex with the woman.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Married but Happy said:


> OP, if it's annoying and a turnoff for you, that's fine. Someday he'll probably get the message, and stop asking. He _may_ also stop a lot of other things that DO please you because he'll feel you've pushed him away and have no interest in pleasing him. It probably comes down to whether he's being playful and flirtatious, or entitled and selfish. Only you can decide which it is, and decide how to act on that. Maybe he should just go to strip clubs for a bit of a thrill.


My impression is that is probably exactly where he picked up this habit. I restrained myself much earlier in the thread from asking if he'd also tried to put $20 bills in her waistband.


----------



## ccpowerslave

DownByTheRiver said:


> My impression is that is probably exactly where he picked up this habit. I restrained myself much earlier in the thread from asking if he'd also tried to put $20 bills in her waistband.


$20 bills? Damn we got a high roller in the building!


----------



## Cici1990

I'll personally be more upset if my husband ever stops asking to see my boobs. I quite enjoy flashing if I'm perfectly honest. I get disappointed if I do it and he doesn't notice.


----------



## Blondilocks

ccpowerslave said:


> $20 bills? Damn we got a high roller in the building!


At least he wasn't trying to stuff $1 bills down her g-string like a member's husband claimed he was doing at a strip club.🤣


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ccpowerslave said:


> $20 bills? Damn we got a high roller in the building!


It's true that the only strippers I have crossed paths with have been high dollar strippers.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Cici1990 said:


> I'll personally be more upset if my husband ever stops asking to see my boobs. I quite enjoy flashing if I'm perfectly honest. I get disappointed if I do it and he doesn't notice.


My wife was getting ready to go to work early this morning (for a Sunday) like 8:30am. I was still waking up doing my morning stuff and I saw her disrobing getting into the shower. I’m like hell no. 

I wasn’t ready to take a shower yet because I hadn’t worked out but I invaded her shower anyway and jumped in there. She’s like, “Uhhh what are you doing?” I said well sexy wife disrobes in front of me and I’m not wasting it.

So I took two showers this morning.

We went out walking after lunch and for whatever reason it’s boiling hot. During our walk I’m like damn is it just me or is it really hot? Her: Yes. Me: Ok well I think you might be getting a bit sweaty, you might need another shower. Her: To clean up right? Me: Yes of course (shows Angel halo). Her: I see… (not believing it).

I think it’s good to have flirty banter going throughout the day. I mean it all depends on how she responds to it. If she gets pissed off by it regularly maybe the two people are just not compatible.


----------



## uphillbattle

DownByTheRiver said:


> I restrained myself much earlier in the thread from asking if he'd also tried to put $20 bills in her waistband.


I have actually done this with my wife (with 5s). She found it funny though.


----------



## ccpowerslave

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's true that the only strippers I have crossed paths with have been high dollar strippers.


I don’t think I have ever met one. I did meet a prostitute but I wasn’t aware she was working. I was at a hotel bar after work with some buddies and this girl who was maybe not dressed appropriately comes and sits down with us and she’s like hey what are you drinking guys? I’m like wow this is a nice young lady, why is she talking to us?

She went up to go to the bathroom and never came back.

The “pit boss” guy who ran the bar area at the hotel told us he threw her out because she was a ho. I was like ah no wonder she was talking to us ok that makes sense now.


----------



## Blondilocks

Some guys have led sheltered lives.


----------



## uphillbattle

Blondilocks said:


> Some guys have led sheltered lives.


Was thinking the same


----------



## ccpowerslave

Blondilocks said:


> Some guys have led sheltered lives.


It was weird it was a maybe 4 star hotel in a business area and she was half naked and looked like she walked in from a video shoot off Sunset Blvd.


----------



## Cici1990

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife was getting ready to go to work early this morning (for a Sunday) like 8:30am. I was still waking up doing my morning stuff and I saw her disrobing getting into the shower. I’m like hell no.
> 
> I wasn’t ready to take a shower yet because I hadn’t worked out but I invaded her shower anyway and jumped in there. She’s like, “Uhhh what are you doing?” I said well sexy wife disrobes in front of me and I’m not wasting it.
> 
> So I took two showers this morning.
> 
> We went out walking after lunch and for whatever reason it’s boiling hot. During our walk I’m like damn is it just me or is it really hot? Her: Yes. Me: Ok well I think you might be getting a bit sweaty, you might need another shower. Her: To clean up right? Me: Yes of course (shows Angel halo). Her: I see… (not believing it).
> 
> I think it’s good to have flirty banter going throughout the day. I mean it all depends on how she responds to it. If she gets pissed off by it regularly maybe the two people are just not compatible.


My husband took 2 showers today too. The second one was due to his preoccupation with my camel toe. Yes I have a tight pair of sweatpants shorts that I wear around the house and sometimes they ride up and when I notice him staring I know what is going on. He makes fun of me for it but he also loves it. It’s just playful, not like we’re out in public and he’s calling attention to it or something (and not that I wear these shorts in public either). He came out of the shower and announced he bought 2 more bottles of lube because we’re officially out as of his 2nd “shower” and he’s gonna need a lot to last him while he’s on his own with his hands for a while longer. 🤷‍♀️ it doesn’t bother me.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Cici1990 said:


> I'll personally be more upset if my husband ever stops asking to see my boobs. I quite enjoy flashing if I'm perfectly honest. I get disappointed if I do it and he doesn't notice.





ccpowerslave said:


> I don’t think I have ever met one. I did meet a prostitute but I wasn’t aware she was working. I was at a hotel bar after work with some buddies and this girl who was maybe not dressed appropriately comes and sits down with us and she’s like hey what are you drinking guys? I’m like wow this is a nice young lady, why is she talking to us?
> 
> She went up to go to the bathroom and never came back.
> 
> The “pit boss” guy who ran the bar area at the hotel told us he threw her out because she was a ho. I was like ah no wonder she was talking to us ok that makes sense now.


Any strippers I was in close proximity with were acting in the capacity of hos, so same thing. I've seen things no woman should see.


----------



## ccpowerslave

My wife has similar garments. She has a pair of Under Armour leggings and I just love them. Unfortunately I just noticed the other day they have a small hole and if she hasn’t noticed already she will soon. So I’m on the lookout for a replacement I will enjoy at the same level.


----------



## heartsbeating

Lila said:


> Going back to the OP, she says she "bites back her tongue" in order to avoid conflict. That's a recipe for disaster. I have never been a fan of radical honesty in relationships but when there are behaviors that completely turn us off, then I think an honest conversation is in order if only to avoid the wrong impression from persisting. Just because one behavior is a turnoff doesn't mean everything about the spouse is a turnoff or they are generally unattractive. I'm learning people with higher emotional Intelligence can handle this sort of honesty better than those with lower EI.


I've quoted just this part (and which I agree with), yet without the OP returning so far, there is a lot of context missing.

I agree that avoiding conflict / biting her tongue is not wise; for herself, or as a couple. Aside from his pouting (which I don't condone), we have no idea what he is like outside of this one snapshot of an interaction. Does he have anger issues. Is it that she can't really stand him and sharply responds 'FFS' in that moment before he then shuts-down. Has she just finished dealing with some challenging aspects related to her children without his support or input, just to then be asked to see her boobs. Is she comfortable with him seeing her body in general. What other kinds of affection or banter occurs between them. Why does he continue to ask for this if she doesn't like it; is it that he doesn't care and is selfish, or is it that she hasn't been straight and clear. How do they read each others body language. What are other aspects of their communication like. On and on and on. At the crux of it though, based on such as short snippet, I just keep rewinding back to the point/question that Deejo raised.

We are now at 8 pages in. Here's to the OP returning with an update, if she feels so inclined.


----------



## heartsbeating

SunCMars said:


> Dinner time is not a good time, nor is when a lady is feeling ill.


----------



## Chaotic

I agree with @heartsbeating, we are missing way too much information. I can easily think of lots of scenarios in which my guy might ask me to flash him and I'd laugh and tease him a little and/or oblige and it would be playful and would probably end up in the bedroom. I can also think of scenarios in which my guy might ask the same thing but I might respond with "are you effing kidding me?" A lot of flirty banter relies on both partners' ability to read the room. There is too much the OP left out for us to really know the situation here.


----------



## aine

Or tell him to “whip it out”


----------



## Lila

heartsbeating said:


> I've quoted just this part (and which I agree with), yet without the OP returning so far, there is a lot of context missing.
> 
> I agree that avoiding conflict / biting her tongue is not wise; for herself, or as a couple. Aside from his pouting (which I don't condone), we have no idea what he is like outside of this one snapshot of an interaction. Does he have anger issues. Is it that she can't really stand him and sharply responds 'FFS' in that moment before he then shuts-down. Has she just finished dealing with some challenging aspects related to her children without his support or input, just to then be asked to see her boobs. Is she comfortable with him seeing her body in general. What other kinds of affection or banter occurs between them. Why does he continue to ask for this if she doesn't like it; is it that he doesn't care and is selfish, or is it that she hasn't been straight and clear. How do they read each others body language. What are other aspects of their communication like. On and on and on. At the crux of it though, based on such as short snippet, I just keep rewinding back to the point/question that Deejo raised.
> 
> We are now at 8 pages in. Here's to the OP returning with an update, if she feels so inclined.


This is very true. We do not know the dynamic in the OP's relationship. The ability to communicate effectively may be impacted by other circumstances.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

onelife2live said:


> Some people is going to read your thread and not hear what you saying. I totally understand. My husband does the same crap and quite frankly it’s annoying as heck and DOES NOT help turn me on. Don’t just request to see a boob or walk by and grope them while nothing is going on, acting like a teenage boy. We really have to be in the mindset to play. Maybe try a different approach of telling him your version of foreplay and what you really want done to get you going.


Despite popular opinion men aren't "always on". Sometimes we're in a limbo state, where we'vw got this fantasy about having a loving exciting partner who respects and desires us; and when we're constatnly ignored and get the Schoolmam-Nun routine it gets very old quickly. We like to be cheeky, a bit naughty and risque, or even heavens forbid, feel wanted or attractive. Likewise men aren't always about sex (although we usually enjoy that and things tend to lead in that direction when we get excited (it's just the way evolution is wired in us).

But the biggest downer, the worst of the Schoolmam-Nun attitude, is like when we realised our real school teachers weren't there to teach andguide us for our sake, butbecause they had a control fetish, hated the outside commercial worldd, and didn't want to leave their own school days behind them - ie that they were entireyl consumed by their own self interest. They taught because that was their role, they were pursuing their own agenda and students just happened to be a kindof unfortunate necessicity that their social construct role required, and really they just out for those one or two children that they could see as mini-me's.

So there is a man in your abode. And he's probably wondering why he bothers hanging around with you but that's where his kids live and they like their teacher, and he's sitting their wondering if he should find himself a girl friend. Someone who will tease and flirt with him, notice him, tempt him, fire up the old excitement at the end of the day, and make him feel that teir is more to his life than pay bills and having to chase cash. Because to a lot of Dad's it seems like their ONLY value is for money extraction. That's why they get so hungry for affection,and eventually end up in the arms of someone ...nearly anyone, who is willing to make them feel they are more than the money that can be extracted from them. (or social points to score from their job title/family title)


----------



## ccpowerslave

spot said:


> Despite popular opinion men aren't "always on".


This is true. Last night I was extremely tired, feeling kind of sick, and I passed out and I wasn’t thinking about sex. This is very rare for me though like maybe less than 5 times a year.


----------



## Cici1990

ccpowerslave said:


> This is true. Last night I was extremely tired, feeling kind of sick, and I passed out and I wasn’t thinking about sex. This is very rare for me though like maybe less than 5 times a year.


Do you only go to bed not thinking about sex 5 times a year? I’m just curious.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Cici1990 said:


> Do you only go to bed not thinking about sex 5 times a year? I’m just curious.


Yeah something like that. I can go through my journal and see exactly how many days this year it was but not many.

Edit: 3x since Fourth of July I put a “tired” entry. Note that on all of these including yesterday if she came into the bedroom and woke me up we’re banging for sure. I’d have to be near death.


----------



## Cici1990

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah something like that. I can go through my journal and see exactly how many days this year it was but not many.


Ok, I wasn’t being judgmental I’m just curious to know about other people.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Cici1990 said:


> Ok, I wasn’t being judgmental I’m just curious to know about other people.


No worries I know


----------



## Cici1990

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah something like that. I can go through my journal and see exactly how many days this year it was but not many.
> 
> Edit: 3x since Fourth of July I put a “tired” entry. Note that on all of these including yesterday if she came into the bedroom and woke me up we’re banging for sure. I’d have to be near death.


As you know, I personally find the journaling of the details a bit strange. Also, I love sex but if I feel like crap I’m not banging no matter who is begging me or how much they beg. You deserve an award, my friend. Some sort of gold medal of effing or something.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

I caught my wife checking out my hard nipples (it was chilly ) while standing in line at a store the other day, they are eye level for her. I said, my eyes are up here. She smiled and said I want you to show them to me when we get home. I was not offended and yes, I showed them to her.


----------



## aine

farsidejunky said:


> Diana:
> 
> What you either don't see (or won't see) is her refusal to do something he likes potentially impacts him negatively every bit as much as her choosing to do something for him she doesn't like impacts her.
> 
> Neither is right...or wrong. Both choices have impact...and consequences.
> 
> Why you don't (or won't) see that speaks to a likely cognitive bias.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


What happened the oft brought up narrative of meeting each other‘s needs? Seems like you are saying she should meet his regardless of how it doesn’t meet a need for her at all. A bit one sided here’s no?


----------



## Personal

aine said:


> What happened the oft brought up narrative of meeting each other‘s needs? Seems like you are saying she should meet his regardless of how it doesn’t meet a need for her at all. A bit one sided here’s no?


Actually he is addressing the fact that in the same way her husband isn't accommodating the OPs wants, the OP isn't accommodating his. While noting that @Diana7 is spruiking her wants as having primacy against his, which is hypocrisy writ large. In other words he is arguing against being one-sided.


----------

