# Plz help !!!



## meintrouble (Jan 7, 2012)

Dear Friends ,

I don kw to whom should i discuss all this !!!! I need help!!!! I m working as a software engineer and my working hours are from 8am to 8pm ...his working timings are flexible so he ususally goes arnd 2pm till 9 pm . i got married in feb 2011 , it was an arrange marriage ..... after my marriage i realized that my husband is very immature and do not want to take any responsibility . It was a joint family , and his parents always wanted to dominate , they told me to do paripona in the morning as well as in the evening . My mother in law told me not to talk much with my father in law and any other person in the family , as they are narrow minded . Then began the fights on very small things like she has taken lot of space in my room , she asks me to switch off TV in midnight ...she pulls blanket at night ....and he used to tell all these things to my mother in law ...n just go to there room and sleep there. And my parents asked to take a seperate house so that they can understand each other .... as promised by his father before marriage....all these fights went on like a viscous circle after 1 or 2 months these things happens , finally they took a seprate flat in same appartment , and his mum dad started living with us . Again the same thing , fights , then he stops talking to me , finally i dicided to end all this and take my job at some other place , so that i can become emotionally strong ! Now i am getting job in delhi (where i am living), in banglore and in chandhigarh ..... my parents are not able to decide what should i do ..... if i leave my job and sit home , i have not financial and emotional security....if i move on he will not come ....and marriage would come to end then how would i live .....i seriously don know what should i do ? i don want divorce...what r d other options i have ....plz help !!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that his father promissed you a seperate house? Do you have a marriage contract that says you will have a seperate house? 

You cannot change your husband or his family. They sound like mean, vicious people. Why would you want to stay married to such a man and connected to such a family?

You posted this very same thing before. Why not just stay with your older thread and add more detail to your story?


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## lady1 (Jan 31, 2012)

It sounds like a very tough decision, to choose between your husband and your career. 

Have you asked him directly if he would consider moving? It sounds like you are the bread-winner of the family, and if you are making enough to be able to afford your own place, he might consider it. 

Are you afraid of getting a divorce because you don't want to be divorced, or because you love your husband and don't want to be apart from him? Is there any chance that if you stay, you two will be able to get a place of your own? The way things are going now seems like it would be hard to deal with long term. I would never be able to live with my in-laws long term, and I get along with them most of the time. 

This is a very difficult situation to be in. No one can make the decision for you. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.


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## meintrouble (Jan 7, 2012)

Yes i am earning much to own a place for myself ....also my husband is earning good.....but problem is his parents are emotionally balckmailing him to stay with them only....and he says he will stay with them only for whole life......here life is very difficult as i cannot watch TV go anywhere ...do anything....as his parents are at home always.....they have a elder son but he is not earning much ....so they have decided to stay with him (my husband) for whole life ....and support their elder son from here....which irritates me most.....i love my husband....but in long term i don't want to live a life lie this......i am in very bad stituation right now......


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## lady1 (Jan 31, 2012)

I'm sure what is expected of a daughter-in-law in your family/community (I think you mentioned living in India, and I'm less familiar with the culture there). But can't you have a home for just you and your husband? If the issue is that you don't want to live with his parents (which seems perfectly reasonable to me), then there must be a way to work it out. 

You mentioned getting a separate apartment from them, and they followed you(?). Could you have them stay in a different apartment in the same building, so they still were close to their son, but you had some space and peace? Surely they can't make their son choose between his wife and his parents. 

If your husband is willing to work with you to make the situation tolerable for you, and have a home for just you two, then I personally think you should try to work it out. But I personally couldn't live with my in-laws like that.


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## meintrouble (Jan 7, 2012)

Yes i asked him that ...he said it is not possible to live in same city without them living with him ...so i asked him if we move to any other city .......then his parents are saying even if you move to anyother city we will go with you  ...... its very hard for me to break this relation ....but it is taking my life...my freedom from me me  ...... i do not know what would be the right step.....


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## lady1 (Jan 31, 2012)

I am not sure what choice you have if he isn't willing to work with you to make it a better situation. It seems like he is telling you either live with the way things are, or leave. 

Is leaving a real option? You said you have a job that you like, so financially it sounds like it is an option. It also sounds like you have already spoken with your family about the possibility of leaving, and they are fairly supportive. 

Can you really stay in your current situation? It sounds like you are very unhappy. There is no reason to rush this decision. Think long and hard about what your options are before doing anything. But it seems like deep in your heart, you know what you are going to choose. It is just hard, and would mean having a very different life than you have now.


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