# Sounding too cheesy scares away women?



## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

So me and "M" have been dating for almost a month now and things are great! I'm finding that we are saying and texting cheesy lines like, "Can't wait to see you!" or "Missing you, wish you were here." The last girlfriend I had was 10+ years ago and I remember saying all these cheesy things only to find out that it back fired on me. It made me end up looking like an emotionally dependent wimp. Should I pull back? :scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Why, as long as you take good care of her it could be the start of somthing really great. Like men are uniqu so are woman.

draconis


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

I know actions speak louder than words so as long as I continue to show my words through actions, then all should be okay, right? I just have this feeling that she'll get annoyed or feel like I'm too much for her if I keep on saying these things. It's kind of like how people like candy: you eat too much candy and you'll get sick of it!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Than back off a bit, be more reserved and a mystery but don't stop, just chang it up a bit.

draconis


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

I just hope it won't be one of those situations where it's a lose-lose. If I be verbally honest about my feelings towards her and tell her I miss her constantly, then she'll think I'm an emotional wuss and need to man up. If I pull back, then she'll complain that I don't verbally tell her how I feel. I know that some women are okay with actions and some women are okay words, and some women want both! I have no idea what type she is yet. I have a feeling I'll find out the hard way down the line somewhere.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Sometimes a good way to assess things is to look at how often you initiate these chats vs. her. If it's primarily you, it wouldn't hurt to back off a little and see if she picks up the slack. Depending on her life (if she's very busy) sometimes it's nicer to get a brief email instead of a phone call or text because you don't feel pressured to respond right away.


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## brighteyes72 (Nov 16, 2008)

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry (or was it George)and his girlfriend called each other "Schmoopy." Sickening!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

For me its not so much what is being said, but when its being said. For example, i'll never forget when my H (boyfriend at the time) text me at 4am to tell me he was thinking about me. I was at the gym, but who else gets up that early?? he was on summer break but woke up that early to send me that text. that meant a lot, just b/c of the timing. 

I think if you say cheesy things all the time, they start to lose their meaning. Its gotta be quality over quantity.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ljtseng said:


> For me its not so much what is being said, but when its being said. For example, i'll never forget when my H (boyfriend at the time) text me at 4am to tell me he was thinking about me. I was at the gym, but who else gets up that early?? he was on summer break but woke up that early to send me that text. that meant a lot, just b/c of the timing.
> 
> I think if you say cheesy things all the time, they start to lose their meaning. Its gotta be quality over quantity.


:iagree:

draconis


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Damn, dude...stop overthinking! Just go with the flow. She's INTERESTED in you! You're interested in her. Leave it at that and enjoy it!


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

Well here's an update that is totally going to twist you guys around. Now I'm reconsidering if I really do want to be in a relationship with "M". She's perfect in the sense that we get along really well and she accepts me for who I am, and I really can't complain. I can tell she is into me more than I am into her. The problem is that my feelings are fading for her and it's only been about 1-month. My physical attraction to her is gone at this point. I really started to feel things dwindle between us when I went home for Thanksgiving for 5-days, and I'm feeling that the chemistry on my end is fading. I even look at other women and think, "wow, I wish I could trade 'M' for this other girl..." I know that's bad, and I'm just being honest. Should I talk about this to her, or just end it? Or give it a chance and some time? Worst case scenario, she is leaving for graduate school in Europe in about 1-2 years, so in the end it's not going to last.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

cheewagacheewaga said:


> I even look at other women and think, "wow, I wish I could trade 'M' for this other girl..." I know that's bad, and I'm just being honest.


I dont think its bad that you are thinking this. thats the point of dating. if after one month you are losing interest, then i think you're just not interested in her, and that's ok. I never tried to work it out in the dating scene. i went with what i was feeling and moved on if i lost interest. but then that's just how i feel about dating.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

seriously!



dcrim said:


> Damn, dude...stop overthinking! Just go with the flow. She's INTERESTED in you! You're interested in her. Leave it at that and enjoy it!


:iagree:


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> I dont think its bad that you are thinking this. thats the point of dating. if after one month you are losing interest, then i think you're just not interested in her, and that's ok. I never tried to work it out in the dating scene. i went with what i was feeling and moved on if i lost interest. but then that's just how i feel about dating.


I've never really dumped someone. I've always been the one getting rejected and turned down. Not sure how to go about it. 

I think you were following my other thread about 2 girls taking me out (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/dating-scene/2501-2-girls-taking-me-out-boy-toy.html??) Anyhow, "C", the one I really wanted but has a boyfriend, emailed me tonight and asked me how my Thanksgiving was. Now I'm thinking more about "C" than "M"! I want "C"!!!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

cheewagacheewaga said:


> I've never really dumped someone.


why would you even think of it now? this "m" thing has been pretty cool. and it ain't like notching your bedpost to "dump" someone. it's not a badge of honor. and it's not really that easy.



cheewagacheewaga said:


> Now I'm thinking more about "C" than "M"! I want "C"!!!


you user!!!you used "m" to get your chops, now you wanna trade up! you dog!!!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> I dont think its bad that you are thinking this. thats the point of dating. if after one month you are losing interest, then i think you're just not interested in her, and that's ok. I never tried to work it out in the dating scene. i went with what i was feeling and moved on if i lost interest. but then that's just how i feel about dating.


:iagree:

It also serves as a learning experience...the faster you move forward the more difficult it is to break things off if you decide she's not the one for you. I think it takes a 'special' person to be a womanizing heart-breaker! (oh, by 'special' i mean 'selfish') So you may want to take things a bit slower going forward.


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

All of a sudden, I'm feeling that things aren't going to work with me and "M". 

1) she's leaving for Europe in 1-2 years for graduate school. I'm not doing a long distance thing
2) she's told me in the past that she has had 1-2 month flings with guys. I'm probably next 
3) I lost my virginity to her the other night. She doesn't know I was a virgin. I'm happy about that (for myself), but when I kept going limp out of frustration and running out of condoms, she had an open box of condoms.
4) She tells me her fantasy dream guys, and they are all bad boys with piercings and tattoos. I'm the complete opposite of what her dream man would be. 
5) Every time we go out, I'm paying for all the dinners. She doesn't really offer to pay and we've been going out for about 6-weeks now. The one time was when she bought pizza because we were watching a movie at her place. She also is taking me to a concert for x-mas which she bought the tickets. Granted, she DOES let me see her naked and we get to fool around every other night. 

What should I do? I am just starting to have bad feelings about this.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

cheewagacheewaga said:


> So me and "M" have been dating for almost a month now and things are great! I'm finding that we are saying and texting cheesy lines like, "Can't wait to see you!" or "Missing you, wish you were here." The last girlfriend I had was 10+ years ago and I remember saying all these cheesy things only to find out that it back fired on me. It made me end up looking like an emotionally dependent wimp. Should I pull back? :scratchhead:


I missed a memo. What the hell is cheezy about any of that. If my SO wasn't sending me indication that he looked forward to seeing me, I would take it as a clear sign to find someone who would.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Chee.....

Two things. 

1. It's not what you say. It's how you say it. If you say " I really miss you", say it with confidence. Don't say it like a little puppy dog that's excited about his next meal. And meal...I mean the sex your getting.

2. The words that your current mate is sending you gives me bad jojo. For one, she's comparing you already. And in a way bragging about her likes for bad boys. Clearly trying to "sh!t test you". And she's doing it very aggressively. I can see that it may already be wearing down on your confidence. 
Don't confuse the lust your getting with love. Beware to fall into the trap in that because your getting some, you need to appease her all the time and be a puppy dog, rolling over at every whim just to get that treat. This is the path to the "nice Guy". And if you keep this up, she may well be secretly running out to meet up with the bad boy while your still paying for her meals.

Go to these following resources to get some perspective. You may not need them right now...but a little bit of knowledge isn't a bad thing.

Go read up on marriedmansexlife.com. It explains the bad boy syndrome in women, and will give you great advise in being a real man, and not just a bad boy. In the long run, being the "real man" will take you farther in life. And no, it won't "reprogram you" into something you don't want to be. It's just full of great insight.

There's a book out there called "art of the real man", but maybe a poster can correct the title if I'm wrong. It's a good book to look into yourself, get some pointers, and to not fall into the nice guy trap that one day may find you.

Ok. Me. Well....as soon as I heard that mojo from her with those sh!t tests she's giving you...I would have backed off a bit on the missing you stuff, and even on the visits. I would have made her start to pursue me more. And of course, as a dog, I would still let her come over once in a while while I crazy monkey sexed her up. Like there is no tomorrow. That is...until I met someone I found was more compatible with me. Or I got annoyed with her constant Sh!t tests" Then it would be over. But....that's just me. 

Remember. Confidence. Act like the leader. Be the captain of your ship. Just don't get in the position where you are exclusively dating her and still want to pursue the other. That's just wrong.

Take care.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Every new relationship that you enter into should be greatly treated on a "case by case" basis.

One woman's(or man's) logic can be totally adverse from that of another. Just go with the flow and have fun in all of the newness that it brings to the both of you.

After all, that's what the pursuit of love is truly all about!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

2008!


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

God! I hate when that happens!


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

It has only been 6 weeks, give it time see how it goes. As for the texting, if she is texting that stuff back, she likes it!!! As far as your other concerns go, they all need time and conversations. Nothing sounds unbeatable.


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