# I fell out of love and want to leave, and it's ALL his fault.



## WhatIsThePoint (Dec 20, 2017)

ETA: I get that nothing is ever completely one party's fault. I'm just really angry that I was the only one trying until I didn't want to try anymore.

We've been together over 11 years, married 6, and we have an 18 month old child. He used to love me so much and we used to have so much fun. That used to be enough, but it's not anymore. I came from a very abusive family, so in comparison, anyone slightly normal was Prince Charming. I've grown as a person and I cannot be in this relationship anymore.

Since getting pregnant, my marriage has fallen apart and I can say with total confidence that it's all his fault. I want to leave after we get through the holidays and I need people to support me that what I am doing is the right thing.

First of all, we got married having agreed that we wanted to have a child or children. He backpedalled and changed his mind that maybe he didn't want kids a few years in. He expected me to be okay about it. We went to counseling about it and he couldn't give me a definitive yes or no answer, so it was either leave him or chill and give it some more time. I gave it more time and he came around about it. 

We got pregnant on our very first try. He was barely happy about it the day we found out. He was completely turned off by my being pregnant and stopped having sex with me. There was barely any affection to make up for it. He didn't rub my belly and was totally uninterested when she moved around and it broke my heart. I was sick everyday until I gave birth and he never once said, "Thank you for going through this." 

When I gave birth, my epidural wore off and the nurses were ignoring me. I needed him to go raise hell and take care of me. He just said, "They know you need help and are on their way. You know that even with the epidural that it's gonna hurt when she comes out, right?" I went without an epidural for an hour during the end phase of my labor because he didn't want to be impolite or cause a fuss. Turns out the nurses hadn't even paged the anesthesiologist and it was only when I screamed at someone that they paged her.

He didn't get up with our daughter ONCE the whole first five months of her life. His excuse was that I was the one nursing and he couldn't help with anything.

I had postpartum anxiety and it manifested by having to constantly clean and organize, and he accused me of not spending enough time with our daughter. Meanwhile, he offered little to no help with cleaning or organizing. He didn't ask me what was wrong. He just said mean things to me.

I broke my jaw and had to be wired shut for a month and couldn't talk. I tried to make myself understood with impromptu sign language (like charades) and he looked at me, annoyed, and went "I don't know what you're trying to say, okay?" Well, buddy, you're not even trying.

He never expresses his needs properly. He goes from "Oh, maybe the floors need mopped" to "YOU NEVER MOP THE ****ING FLOOR, YOU SLOB" six months later. We have no middle ground to work out our problems. He has said things to me like, "You enjoy living in filth" (our house is pretty clean and he barely does any cleaning), "You don't enjoy your daughter" and "You should be over your postpartum anxiety by now." He's a cold person.

He has no friends. He hates his job but says he's stuck (he's not). He only takes joy in things he does alone. He's a help resistant complainer.

We have no intimacy unless there is some element of performance, objectification, or distance involved. I think we have "made love" one in our whole relationship. It's ****ing lonely.

I begged to go to counseling for months. We're back in marriage counseling for the third time after I told him I'd move out if he didn't go. But I realize now that I don't love him anymore and working on communication is not going to bring back the love. I don't see myself growing old with this person.

I formally broke up with him in a session of counseling and took it back two weeks later because I felt so guilty and he wouldn't stop crying.

He's started going to individual therapy, but I don't know if that can make him the person I need him to be.

He's finally started to try, but it feels like too little, too late. I don't think I can fall back in love with him after being hurt so much and neglected for so long.

I have to add that he is an amazing dad to our daughter and the idea of missing half her life with shared custody is terrifying and heartbreaking.

Advice?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Nothing is all one parties fault. If you can't see your role in the disfunction you will likely repeat the same mistakes in the future.


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## WhatIsThePoint (Dec 20, 2017)

My mistake was putting up with him and letting him treat me poorly repeatedly. That I will own up to.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. You seem pretty certain of what you want and you dont need permission from strangers.

Divorce and forge a better future for you and your child. Make sure he is involved in her life, provides mandated child support, but other than that, you can choose to have no other association with him.

Was there truly no indication that he was like this when you were dating?


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> Since getting pregnant, my marriage has fallen apart and I can say with total confidence that it's all his fault.


Not very likely, not impossible, but more than likely it's 70:30 or something.


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## WhatIsThePoint (Dec 20, 2017)

When we dated, I was waiting tables at night and he was working during the day. We had a great relationship during the little time we had together. I finished college and got a 9-5 job after we got married. I grew a lot as a person in the meantime, and he hasn't.


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## WhatIsThePoint (Dec 20, 2017)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> Not very likely, not impossible, but more than likely it's 70:30 or something.


I get that. I'm just...really angry that he only started trying when I threatened to leave and was already done.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> I get that. I'm just...really angry that he only started trying when I threatened to leave and was already done.


That's pretty typical. So is the person sliding right back into old habits one they think the crisis is over.

You have to make your decision, but try to reflect afterward on what you could have done to change the trajectory of this relationship along the way. I know you're angry now, but don't squander the opportunity to become more self-aware.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

sounds to me like he sucks as a wife and mother. 

Whether he is a passable husband and father is somewhat in the eye of the beholder. 

I understand people falling out of love and not having the warm fuzzies and the sexies when they don't feel they have enough support from that person. 


But support comes in many forms. Does he work and bring in a steady income? Does he keep the cars running? Does he keep up the yard and house repairs. Does he keep somewhat of a house budget and keep bills paid reasonably on time?

Does protect your daughter and keep her safe and is involved in her support and upbringing?

Is he alcoholic/addict? Does he abuse you or the child? Does he cheat? Does he disappear for periods of time and abandon or neglect you and the child? 

Divorce is certainly your option and prerogative. But you do need to really evaluate whether divorcing him will improve your life or not. 

Yes, I get that he is not a good wife, mother or even girlfriend; and I get that he may not be the best housekeeper or nanny. 

But you need to factor in that if you divorce, that you will then be solely responsible for the upkeep of your new home and solely responsible for the care and feeding and rearing of your daughter during your custodial days. 

You may find a man that is a better housekeeping and a more passionate lover that helps around the house better and has a higher income. But then again you may not. 

The question you need to ask yourself is assuming you don't meet Mr Wonderful who treats you and caters to you exactly the way you want - will your life be better with him or without him?


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## WhatIsThePoint (Dec 20, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> sounds to me like he sucks as a wife and mother.
> 
> Whether he is a passable husband and father is somewhat in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> ...


Yeeeeesh. Marriage isn't about having a groundskeeper or an accountant. I can hire any of those to replace those things.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> I get that. I'm just...really angry that he only started trying when I threatened to leave and was already done.


Typically people only act when it's too late. They wait for a financial crisis to get their accounts in order, wait for someone to get terminally ill or die before trying to repair a relationship, and wait for a spouse to be completely emotionally detached before trying to improve a marriage.

I'm dealing with something similar. I think my wife viewed it all as a big game all these years. She's only now getting that I'm done. Now she demands counseling, demands all the things I've been asking her to do for the past 4 years. But it's too late, I don't love her anymore. She doesn't love me either she just doesn't know it yet.


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## WhatIsThePoint (Dec 20, 2017)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> Typically people only act when it's too late. They wait for a financial crisis to get their accounts in order, wait for someone to get terminally ill or die before trying to repair a relationship, and wait for a spouse to be completely emotionally detached before trying to improve a marriage.
> 
> I'm dealing with something similar. I think my wife viewed it all as a big game all these years. She's only now getting that I'm done. Now she demands counseling, demands all the things I've been asking her to do for the past 4 years. But it's too late, I don't love her anymore. She doesn't love me either she just doesn't know it yet.


I am really sorry you're dealing with that. I know your pain. I don't think my husband loves me anymore, either. If he did, he would not have neglected me for so long.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> Yeeeeesh. Marriage isn't about having a groundskeeper or an accountant. I can hire any of those to replace those things.


You don't get it. The man you say you don't live is the same man you married. You say he hasn't "grown". Exactly, he's the same guy you promised to love forever. You've "grown" to the point you feel it's over right now. You've wallowed in resentment and selfishness so long you can't see anything this guy does good for you. There's bound to be some things, because you said he's a great dad. And YOU married him.
You need to find a way to remember why you wanted to marry this man, and at least give him the chance to fix things if you feel he's legitimately trying.
Because the grass isn't always greener, and your daughter deserves a dad AND a mom.

But you e made up your mind. This husband of yours is likely not nearly as bad as you describe, and you're likely not nearly as "grown" as you say.

Then again, he may be awful and you're an angel. It's all your decision. But you decided to marry the bum.... so I don't know how great your decusuikns are.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

He had second thoughts about having a child. People change their minds about things, it happens.

Yet you badgered him over and over again until he finally just gave in, he threw up the white flag, and agreed to have a child even though it was the last thing he wanted. Yet he ultimately learned to love his child, but at the same time harbors great resentment to you for forcing him into it in the first place. 

You got a child but you lost a husband.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> Yeeeeesh. Marriage isn't about having a groundskeeper or an accountant. I can hire any of those to replace those things.


Yes you can.

But the question remains the same.

Will you be better off with him or without him?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> . I don't think my husband loves me anymore, either. If he did, he would not have neglected me for so long.


I can tell right now that this is a 'Love Language' issue.

From your opening post it is clear your Love Language is "acts of service."

Since he wasn't there rubbing your feet and feeding you grapes at every moment, you don't feel in your heart that he loves you. Way deep down you believe that if he lived and cared for you that he would rubbing you feet and killing every spider in the house and doing everything he could to be of service to you.

He may love you very much and truly want to have a life with you But if his love language is different than yours, you may not be able to "feel" it. 

A love language issue will also affect him as well. If his LL is 'words of affirmation' and you are chewing him out and criticizing him all the time, he will interpret that as that you don't love him and don't appreciate him and so he will become resentful and critical of you as well.

This is where counseling comes in. A good MC can stermine if there is a love language issue and help each of you learn to understand each other's love languages and learn to recognize each other's contributions to the relationship. 

I'm not saying he does or does not love you or want to remain with you. He may not.

But what I am saying is you at least need to peel back the layers and look into the difference in love language to see if each of you are simply not understanding each other's language.

The problem with not understanding each other's LL is we all tend to give what we want to receive. 

But if the other person wants something different, then neither is giving what the other wants even though both parties are willing to give of themselves.

A good MC can help each of you give the other what they need as well as recognize that other is trying to act in good faith - it is just going over the iteration head. A good MC can get you both on the same page. 

(assuming both parties are each willing to do some heavy lifting and willing to learn the others LL)


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I'm glad that you are both in counseling. It sounds like you need professional help to overcome this one. 

He sounds like he's come around and is enjoying being a dad so that part is not a deal breaker now. I believe that in a marriage you encourage each other to grow and become better people. I believe it's my responsibility to encourage my husband to grow and not to criticize him when he doesn't. In the same way, you might need to encourage him. When he is lacking in his part of being a spouse you encourage him and vice versa. It's teamwork. 

If you're looking for advice, please stay in counseling - both MC and IC. If you've made up your mind to leave, none of us here can convince you otherwise.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@WhatIsThePoint

It sounds like much of your post is you blowing your top. Are you exaggerating about how awful your relationship with him is? Does he do anything that is good? Could you please list his good qualities and good things that he does?

Are you still working? Or are you home with your child right now?

I'm going somewhere with my questions, so please answer them as I don't like to jump to conclusions as so many seem to do. So I'd like some clarification.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

@WhatIsThePoint, very often when people show us who they really are, we are remiss to want to believe them.

I feel that from what you describe, it was clear this man wasn't on fire to have a baby with you. A man who is ready has no excuses, does not hesitate, and certainly doesn't waffle. I think it was perhaps in your best interest to move on if having a child was what you really wanted strongly. I think that he just wanted you and no one extra in the picture. He probably harbored resentment for you after he "caved" on the decision to have a child. Then his resentment manifested itself into indifference over your pregnancy and labor.

These are just my thoughts based on the info you provided. @EleGirl has a good point. We need facts to be able to give better advice.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It sounds to me like the main issue is you have not felt loved or supported by him and now you don’t love him and are pretty sure you won’t grow to love him again. 

You say you’ve grown and he hasn’t. People grow, people should grow. Rarely do couples grow at the same time but the goal is to grow together. Babies generally learn to walk at around 12 months. Some learn earlier, some later, all perfectly normal. Is it possible that your husband needs more time to grow than you? 

Because you’ve felt unloved and unsupported, you’ve built some resentment. That’s pretty normal. It’s been my experience that men don’t seem to know what to do about their wife’s resentment. For love to come back resentment has to be dealt with. That means you have to be willing to let it go, but HE has to be willing to hear your hurt and disappointment without excuses, without minimizing your feelings, and he has to acknowledge that he failed to make you feel loved, failed to support you. He can’t just expect you to forget the past hurts because he’s not behaving that way anymore. “Sin no more” is the second part. The first part is to “repent” and repent means to acknowledge, sincerely, your sins. 

I believe we have the capacity to get the love back, but it has to be something you both work toward.

If you are really done, it wont matter what anyone says you’re ready to walk. Since you’re looking for support to leave, I’m thinking you’re not really done.

On the other hand, I’ve stayed through a MULTITUDE of false starts and none of them have stuck. He always defaults back to the guy I stopped loving a long time ago, and I don’t recommend anyone stick around for half assed false starts with the hope it will work, year after year after year.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> My mistake was putting up with him and letting him treat me poorly repeatedly. That I will own up to.


How exactly did he treat you poorly? Because he didn't rub your pregnant belly or "thank you" for going through pregnancy? Because he didn't scream at nurses about your epidural? Because he didn't offer to help clean, when it was obviously a thing you wanted to do?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Livvie said:


> How exactly did he treat you poorly? Because he didn't rub your pregnant belly or "thank you" for going through pregnancy? Because he didn't scream at nurses about your epidural? Because he didn't offer to help clean, when it was obviously a thing you wanted to do?


I believe the OP is sincere in her frustration and resentment in her marriage. And I believe she is sincere in that she feels a lack of support from him and does not feel cherished by him. 

But if lack of belly rubbing and failing to tell medical professionals how to do their jobs is grounds for divorce, then very very few couples will ever remain married after the birth of their 1st child. 

when that final straw breaks the camel's back, all prior complaints become fair game. 

But I doubt any man can live up to what some people expect during pregnancy and delivery etc.

We need to remember that up until a generation or so ago, fathers were not even allowed in OB departments or in nurseries and in many families after the babies came home fathers weren't allowed to feed, change or clothe babies and toddlers. 

I am older than most here, my my MIL was very put off and uncomfortable that I would feed and change and care for our kids when they were babies. 

She would ask my wife right in front of me if it was ok with her for me to be doing that. 

For many men, dealing with pregnant women and babies etc is a completely foreign world and alien landscape.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

OP wanted support for divorcing the old boy. She wanted people to pat her on the back and tell her what a bad guy he is. She wanted backup. She hasn't gotten it, and may not return.

If that's the case, her mind is made up. And she'll get a divorce. But her next marriage, if one occurs, will likely have the same mistakes. It's a MARRIAGE. One can't say "it's all his fault", if the guy has a steady job, isn't abusive physically or emotionally, doesn't cheat or do drugs, or cut her off from affection or sex. It's highly unlikely that it's all his fault. She has reached an age where she has some security, a family and home like she wanted, all the challenges she faced as a young woman are met. NOW, she is suddenly OUTGROWN her husband. My personal opinion is that she is looking for the greener grass over the fence. And when that grass starts looking tasty, it's going to get munched on. At lease, in OP's defense, she is willing to divorce the guy before she starts her grass munching. That at least, shows a little character on her part.

And, the guy may be a real jerk. Thing is, she says he's a great dad. And she also says he didn't want a baby. From my point of view, he can't be all bad. And I really think that a person that has the unselfishness to be a great dad, has the potential to be a decent husband at least. Someone needs to water her own lawn a little, rather than burning the house down.
JMO


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> It's a MARRIAGE. One can't say "it's all his fault", if the guy has a steady job, isn't abusive physically or emotionally, doesn't cheat or do drugs, or cut her off from affection or sex. It's highly unlikely that it's all his fault.


Like I said above, it sounds like he sucks as a wife, mother and girlfriend. 

One shouldn't judge a tortoise by it's ability to climb trees. 

A lot of people come here to vent and for others to cheer the hero's (them) and boo the villains (the person they have the issue with).

They are not necessarily looking for advice on how to deal with their issues or find solutions to them. 

But yes, the moment she said it was all his fault, but produced no evidence of cheating, alcoholism/addiction, abuse or abandonment, it was apparent she was just popping a cog and having a vent and wanting some back pats and 'Atta Girl!'s

I think her frustration and exasperation is real and they do need help and intervention. 

But unless he is actually a detriment to her in some legitimate manner, I question whether a divorce will help her plight at all.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Good morning,

I'm not sure if you're still going through this thread, but much of your post could have been written by my ex



WhatIsThePoint said:


> We've been together over 11 years, married 6, and we have an 18 month old child. He used to love me so much and we used to have so much fun. That used to be enough, but it's not anymore. I came from a very abusive family, so in comparison, anyone slightly normal was Prince Charming. I've grown as a person and I cannot be in this relationship anymore.


How old were you when you got married? What unmet needs have manifested in the 11 years you've been together? Was part of the motivation for marriage you being able to escape an abusive / unstable life?



WhatIsThePoint said:


> Since getting pregnant, my marriage has fallen apart and I can say with total confidence that it's all his fault. I want to leave after we get through the holidays and I need people to support me that what I am doing is the right thing.


How did you come to this conclusion? Are you saying that you were meeting substantially all his needs and he still fell woefully short of meeting yours? It's not your place to pass judgment. Reading through the post, you sound like you might be inclined to diminish his perspective and put yourself on a pedestal somewhat, which is death to a marriage.



WhatIsThePoint said:


> First of all, we got married having agreed that we wanted to have a child or children. He backpedaled and changed his mind that maybe he didn't want kids a few years in. He expected me to be okay about it. We went to counseling about it and he couldn't give me a definitive yes or no answer, so it was either leave him or chill and give it some more time. I gave it more time and he came around about it.


Didn't want kids at all, or didn't want kids _with you_? I love kids, but I was very hesitant to have a second one with my XW (my two were 5+ years apart) because of her treatment towards me.



WhatIsThePoint said:


> We got pregnant on our very first try. He was barely happy about it the day we found out. He was completely turned off by my being pregnant and stopped having sex with me. There was barely any affection to make up for it. He didn't rub my belly and was totally uninterested when she moved around and it broke my heart. I was sick everyday until I gave birth and he never once said, "Thank you for going through this."


Women and men both being turned off to sex by the pregnancy happens, although I don't get that perspective. Why would you expect to be thanked for being pregnant? Did you have a child just for him? Did you thank him for for believing in you enough to start a family with you?



WhatIsThePoint said:


> When I gave birth, my epidural wore off and the nurses were ignoring me. I needed him to go raise hell and take care of me. He just said, "They know you need help and are on their way. You know that even with the epidural that it's gonna hurt when she comes out, right?" I went without an epidural for an hour during the end phase of my labor because he didn't want to be impolite or cause a fuss. Turns out the nurses hadn't even paged the anesthesiologist and it was only when I screamed at someone that they paged her.


I understand you needed him to protect you. But hospitals are busy places and slips happen. Is there a chance your perception of his behavior in the hospital is colored by the abuse you suffered in your household?



WhatIsThePoint said:


> He didn't get up with our daughter ONCE the whole first five months of her life. His excuse was that I was the one nursing and he couldn't help with anything.


I don't agree with him doing this. That being said, how were household duties split in your family? Did you both work (and if so, how much), or were you a stay at home parent? Who handled the non-child care household stuff?



WhatIsThePoint said:


> I broke my jaw and had to be wired shut for a month and couldn't talk. I tried to make myself understood with impromptu sign language (like charades) and he looked at me, annoyed, and went "I don't know what you're trying to say, okay?" Well, buddy, you're not even trying.


How do you know he wasn't even trying? Because he couldn't understand you? Why didn't you make it easier and write a little note so that in the future he WOULD know what you wanted? Honestly, this also makes it sound like you expect him to meet you where you are at, rather than working together for your common good.



WhatIsThePoint said:


> He never expresses his needs properly. He goes from "Oh, maybe the floors need mopped" to "YOU NEVER MOP THE ****ING FLOOR, YOU SLOB" six months later. We have no middle ground to work out our problems. He has said things to me like, "You enjoy living in filth" (our house is pretty clean and he barely does any cleaning), "You don't enjoy your daughter" and "You should be over your postpartum anxiety by now." He's a cold person.


I don't think him acting like this is helpful, but if you're complaining about how he can't read your mind when you jaw is broken and how he acted in the hospital, he might just be mirroring your lack of empathy and understanding towards him.



WhatIsThePoint said:


> We have no intimacy unless there is some element of performance, objectification, or distance involved. I think we have "made love" one in our whole relationship. It's ****ing lonely.


You need to explain this further. What do you mean by "objectification" and "distance"? Why is performance a bad thing? If you are bad in bed (bad technique, very rigid in what sex acts you allow) then you need to try harder. Your posts strongly suggest you expect him to try hard and perform at a high level for you. You should expect to likewise try hard for him (including with sex). Expecting him to be happy with whatever sex he gets, is unreasonable.

Here again, is there a possibility that the abuse you suffered has left you with a distorted view of how relationships work?



WhatIsThePoint said:


> I begged to go to counseling for months. We're back in marriage counseling for the third time after I told him I'd move out if he didn't go. But I realize now that I don't love him anymore and working on communication is not going to bring back the love. I don't see myself growing old with this person.


If that is so, then letting him go might be best for both of you. 



WhatIsThePoint said:


> He's started going to individual therapy, but I don't know if that can make him the person I need him to be.
> 
> He's finally started to try, but it feels like too little, too late. I don't think I can fall back in love with him after being hurt so much and neglected for so long.


How is your individual therapy going? If you suffered notable abuse as a child, what have you done to heal and move on healthily?



WhatIsThePoint said:


> I have to add that he is an amazing dad to our daughter and the idea of missing half her life with shared custody is terrifying and heartbreaking.


Him getting 50% custody probably is the price you'll pay for your freedom from your H. Also, keep in mind that (on a strictly practical level) that you won't get a huge child support check (unless there is an enormous income discrepancy) with 50/50 custody. Also, you'll not get the minimal (per your post) domestic and emotional support you do right now.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

WhatIsThePoint said:


> I came from a very abusive family





Evinrude58 said:


> OP wanted support for divorcing the old boy. She wanted people to pat her on the back and tell her what a bad guy he is. She wanted backup.





oldshirt said:


> A lot of people come here to vent and for others to cheer the hero's (them) and boo the villains (the person they have the issue with). They are not necessarily looking for advice on how to deal with their issues or find solutions to them.


I think the opposite. I suspect with that "it's ALL his fault" she was looking for an argument, and correctly anticipated that people would disagree with her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> sounds to me like he sucks as a wife and mother.
> 
> Whether he is a passable husband and father is somewhat in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> ...


THIS-
The tough love response.
A message delivered forthrightly.

He could have said that you are hard to please, your husband likely walks on eggshells around you. Your husband fears you. He is reactionary. You poke him...he pokes back. Oldshirt did not say that. He wanted to spare your feelings.

Reality is cold, harsh and is indifferent to 99.9% of humans. You did not marry the right man. OK, can you find a better one with what YOU have to offer?
I don't know. 

I do know that being kind and compassionate, warm and loving inspires the same in return. But not always. There are plenty of selfish jerks sucking in air all around us.
I will not comment further. I have never met you.

Sorry for your situation.

Lilith-


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

I wonder if the OP is coming back?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

VibrantWings said:


> I wonder if the OP is coming back?


Probably no reason for her to. 

A lot of people just want to vent and get it off their chest. she has already done that. 

Others want a pat on the back and a "you go Girl!!" No one did that here. 

Getting sage advice on what YOU can do about it and being told that your expectations may not be all that realistic aren't really on some people's agenda.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The OP has been gone for 12 days now. I doubt she is coming back. So I'm locking this thread. If she returns and wants it re-opened, she can ask a mod to do so.


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