# Generalizing: role of masturbation by gender in marriage



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

So, tell me if i have this right. 

The general consensus is that males start doing this around puberty and may use too firm of a grip when they are sexually active with a partner so should stop. interferes with climax.

Whereas females don't start doing this activity until later and doing so actually enhances their ability to climax during sex.

Thoughts?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Speaking for, or on behalf of women in a generalized way:

Sex begins in the brain. Neural pathways that run from the brain, to the genitals and then back to the brain need to be fluid and well trod. Women do not, as a rule, have the equivalent levels of testosterone effect that men do. Keeping in mind that estrogen cancels or levels out the "drive" effect of testosterone our sex drive and arousal is of a more interdependent nature. Therefore when a woman masturbates regularly, she is essentially reteaching and reinforcing the mind body connection of sexual arousal. The brain is a dynamic organ that learns from itself. The more positive and repetitive an experience, the better the mind learns to quickly respond to the stimuli.

So...yes. Women should masturbate regularly particularly during the child bearing years! Unless of course she is a one and done for a few days kind of woman. In that case she should masturbate regularly but try to avoid climaxing.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Speaking for, or on behalf of women in a generalized way:
> 
> Sex begins in the brain. Neural pathways that run from the brain, to the genitals and then back to the brain need to be fluid and well trod. Women do not, as a rule, have the equivalent levels of testosterone effect that men do. Keeping in mind that estrogen cancels or levels out the "drive" effect of testosterone our sex drive and arousal is of a more interdependent nature. Therefore when a woman masturbates regularly, she is essentially reteaching and reinforcing the mind body connection of sexual arousal. The brain is a dynamic organ that learns from itself. The more positive and repetitive an experience, the better the mind learns to quickly respond to the stimuli.
> 
> So...yes. Women should masturbate regularly particularly during the child bearing years! Unless of course she is a one and done for a few days kind of woman. In that case she should masturbate regularly but try to avoid climaxing.


This is interesting and makes a lot of sense AP--is there science behind this to back it up?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yes, but it's from years of reading about behavior conditioning and how brain chemistry affects behavior. IOW, extrapolated from several different sources. I'll see what I can dig up.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Huh. I've masturbated since very young, because it felt good, and I wasn't getting enough sex. 

If I do it enough, I do get desensitized, which is only a problem if I try and have sex shortly after.

Maybe I'm a guy? 

But seriously, lots of women begin masturbation at or even before puberty. Just like guys.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

always_alone said:


> Huh. I've always masturbated because it felt good, and I was getting enough sex.
> 
> If I do it enough, I do get desensitized, which is only a problem if I try and have sex shortly after.
> 
> *Maybe I'm a guy*?


Or at least explains why you hate them so much


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

i have a few thoughts on this:

Men - (generally) start masturbating at an early age. it is always a race to the finish because there is fear of getting caught. this causes issue with premature ejaculation during intercourse. the body is conditioned to orgasm quickly and the stimulation from a vagina is WAY MORE INTENSE than their own hand could ever be.

Women - (generally) start masturbating later in life. in theory at this point they may have more privacy to take their time. they may grow accustomed to taking longer.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

bubba29 said:


> i have a few thoughts on this:
> 
> Men - (generally) start masturbating at an early age. it is always a race to the finish because there is fear of getting caught. this causes issue with premature ejaculation during intercourse. the body is conditioned to orgasm quickly and the stimulation from a vagina is WAY MORE INTENSE than their own hand could ever be.
> 
> Women - (generally) start masturbating later in life. in theory at this point they may have more privacy to take their time. they may grow accustomed to taking longer.


I'm not sure I agree with the generalization of girls starting later than boys. I think that is one of those things that "everybody knows" that may not really be played out in reality. Girls are, and have always been very sexually curious.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

michzz said:


> So, tell me if i have this right.
> 
> The general consensus is that males start doing this around puberty and may use too firm of a grip when they are sexually active with a partner so should stop. interferes with climax.
> 
> ...


My thought is that that is wishful thinking. The stories i have heard is that women do it first, well before boys.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well I looked for a bit but didn't find anything all inclusive.

From: The Brain: Where Does Sex Live in the Brain? From Top to Bottom. | DiscoverMagazine.com

Monthly Meditations to Invite Eroticism (August) | Psychology Today

http://intentionalworkplace.com/2011/02/25/the-neurobiology-of-mindfulness-–-reshaping-your-brain/

The prevalence of information about how meditation positively affects the brain is the easiest to understand. Most of what I found was too scholarly and spent far too much time on methodology and based the finding on some obscure insects' easily studied behavior not to mention the ease of ethical dissection.


We know that people with OCD behaviors get worse without intervention because each time the behavior happens, as a result of anxiety that prompts the behavior, the brain actually learns to prompt this behavior each time anxiety hormones are present. IOW, the more it happens, the more it happens as a result of the reward of lessening anxiety even though it is ultimately worsening the anxiety. The same can be done with other neural rewards prompted by behavior, such as scratching an itch. You feel the itch, you feel tension, your brain secretes bits of cortisol to prompt a behavior. The tension for the cortisol is immediately removed upon scratching, thus setting up a reward.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I was generalizing from what I read on the subject. I'm sure there are exceptions, probably on an age curve.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

michzz said:


> I was generalizing from what I read on the subject. I'm sure there are exceptions, probably on an age curve.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From 2/3 to 3/4 of women in all age groups 18+ is definitely not "exceptions".

25% of girls and 50% of boys in the 11-13 age range.

The Kinsey Institute - Sexuality Information Links - FAQ [Related Resources]


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

i made the mistake of encouraging my somewhat LD wife to masturbate more thinking it would increase her overall interest, but it backfired and realiuzed she was a "once and done" girl, so once she has an orgasm, she is usually done for a few days at least


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Masturbation is an evolved trait that enhances reproductive success. Questions of too much, too little, too hard are about dysfunction and perhaps psychological issues.

Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles - Robin Baker - Google Books

Sex: A Natural History - Joann Ellison Rodgers - Google Books


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

always_alone said:


> From 2/3 to 3/4 of women in all age groups 18+ is definitely not "exceptions".
> 
> 25% of girls and 50% of boys in the 11-13 age range.
> 
> The Kinsey Institute - Sexuality Information Links - FAQ [Related Resources]



I stand corrected! Even in PMs. 

one woman started at 5, another at 7.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> I'm not sure I agree with the generalization of girls starting later than boys. I think that is one of those things that "everybody knows" that may not really be played out in reality. Girls are, and have always been very sexually curious.


As always, generalizations, when used improperly are horribly unfair to individuals, but there is a big difference between popular misconception and generalization.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

michzz said:


> I stand corrected! Even in PMs.
> 
> one woman started at 5, another at 7.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't even pay attention to the age question, but all babies masturbate. Girls and boys. Wearing diapers girls will grind their little bottoms against the T straps in high hairs and care seats. But when a baby girl has a messy diaper, it is imperative to keep her little hands away because the mess is all over her bottom front to back. Where as the testicles of baby boys tends to keep the mess contained and keeping his hands away from his penis generally isn't that imperative. Thus sets up the very early conditioning not for nefarious gender stereotyping reasons. 

However, once potty training begins, girls have their entire bottom to wipe where as boys only need wiping sometimes and when they pee they just need a jiggle. Once again, early behavior conditioning not based on gender stereotyping.

After babyhood is left behind, most girls have learned to be rather sly and subtle about touching themselves because they're not supposed to get messy.

Girls masturbate just as often as boys do. They are simply more covert about it due to early conditioning and due to parents ignorance with regard to age appropriate behavior and simple self exploration.

As I've written before though, once a girl begin menstruating she develops a love/hate relationship with her lady parts. The blood, the cramps, the intestinal upsets... Damn periods!


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Did AP say that OCD and masturbation are linked? Damn....I was just told that counting stairs every time wasn't normal, but OCD might be PSTD. 
Masturbation is a difficult subject. How much is too much????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Do you share with spouse or hide? I was caught once and was mortified. She was apologetic and embarrassed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I started at age 19 after reading a how to in Redbook or some magazine like that. 

I do remember having pleasurable sensations as a young girl but hadn't been able to recreate this on demand. 

I thought that women masturbated by inserting an object in their vagina to simulate sex. I had tried this and thought it didn't feel like anything. I didn't know what the big deal was about.

But I was also raised in a strict religion with a lifetime ban on masturbation. Exploring was very discouraged. After I found my orgasm I had to confess this sin on several occasions and it was humiliating and was the last thing I wanted to have to repeat (confessing and repenting that is.)

As a young woman I hoped to get married and have my husband get me off but married someone who ended up being as ignorant as I had been. I had my first overt sexual conversation with him when we were both 43 and had been married for 18 years. 

I can't say my masturbation (sometimes every day of the month) has helped this situation. Learning how to let someone else get you off in your 40s is awkward. Learning how to get a woman off in your 40's is awkward too.


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