# 5 Years later and it happens again



## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/31567-advice-sujestions-help-need-long-winded.html This is me from 5 years ago.

I would have loved to come back and tell you how great things was going in our marriage, and if I would have logged in a month ago I would have. Everything was going great. 
I was almost over my trust issues. I had stopped being so controlling. I had quit monitoring her phone. We was spending quality time together and with the kids. We was very affectionate with each other. We laughed and did fun things together. We had our 20th Year Anniversary on the beach with the kids. A great family vacation. 

Im a home body. My WW likes to be out and around people. We started playing Pokemon Go when it came out and met a lot of new people. I'm not big on going out but we started going out on the town and having people over to our house. Once a weekend we would go karaoke at a bar or have people over to the house for drinks and card games. 

At the first party at our house we found out our new pokemon friend was a little crazier than we had thought. Drinking games turned into stripping games. My W said she didn't want to make me mad so she didn't want to join in. Not trying to be controlling I told her it was up to her if she wanted to play, that I trusted her. She wanted to play and have fun. I joined in and we did have fun. A 22 year old boy had work the next day and we let him crash in our 11 year old girls room around midnight. One of the people over didn't have a ride home so at around 7am I offered to take him home. While I was gone she went into our daughters room and had sex with him in her bed. 

If that wasn't bad enough, the next monday she convinced me to let him move in with us. On another occasion that I know about, I had left the house for 15 min to give a friend a ride to the house and she did it again in my daughters bed. My Daughter slept in that bed for a week before she thought to change the sheets. Where the two of them had climaxed two times that I know of. 

Both times she had sex with me. No more than 30 after she had him in her.

The OM was pushy about them having sex, but on the first time it happened she was a sleep in the room. She had to go in the room. She says she was checking on him to make sure he got up in time for work, but he didn't have to be at work till much later.

My WW is begging me to forgive her, and says she loves me and the kids. She was telling me she was unhappy in our relationship and had been for a couple of years. That she had talked to her friends about how she felt but she just never talked to me about it. None of her friends knew anything was wrong. Me or the kids didn't know anything was wrong. Her family didn't know anything was wrong. All the sudden the OM showed interest and she developed all this feelings. She is admitting now that she told herself that things wasn't good so that she would feel better about having sex with him. 

I'm crushed again. The kids know somethings wrong. If not for the kids, I would just give up.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So you've kicked them both out, right?

Once? Sure.

Twice? Nope.

She's a serial cheater.

It's time to divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

"If not for the kids, I would just give up."




That is not a good enough reason.

It is far far better for your kids to have come from a broken home than to have to live in a broken home.

Think about what your inaction is teaching them about relationships, about love, about life.

Don't ruin your children's future lives by screwing with their heads like this.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

So you knowingly let him move in with you when you knew that she had cheated on you that very weekend in your own daughters bed?


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

You either divorce her or you don’t. If you don’t then your actions will tell her that she can do anything and still have you for stability and security. Give me a reason why she wouldn’t do it again? You will be really really upset next time?

You have to make her think that there is at least a possibility of divorce for the magnitude of what she did to sink in. Your actions show her that it must not be all that big of a deal.

If you stay married you will have put her on “double secret probation”

_Originally used in the 1978 American college classic film "Animal House," dean Wormer puts the rowdy Delta Tau Chi fraternity on a "double secret probation," since the Delta House is already on probation. The term has since evolved to mean the act of being on probation while still partying on a regular basis.
_


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> So you've kicked them both out, right?
> 
> Once? Sure.
> 
> ...


She had decided to leave the house about a week ago. When she left I kicked out the OM. Our son talked her into coming back. She told me that she was not happy and things would have to change. Not knowing about the A I agreed and took her at her word that she had been feeling unhappy with out any of us knowing. Four days later I was told by a friend that she had admitted to having sex with the OM twice. I confronted and she lied. I confronted again and she lied. I had to drag it out of her. 



tropicalbeachiwish said:


> So you knowingly let him move in with you when you knew that she had cheated on you that very weekend in your own daughters bed?


I had no clue of her actions when I reluctantly agreed to letting him move in.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

I want to thank everyone for the advice and kind words. I came here to try to save my M and I know now that it is not going to happen. I'm going to drop off the forms as it is a reminder of how much I love and care for my W and wanted it to work out after I lost the one thing that I knew ment we was soul mates.

If anything happens and I need advice or support I will be back, as almost everyone here has shown they care about the feelings and well being of the people lost and lookig for help.

Thank you again for your time and support.


??? This was the last post on the previous thread. Am I missing something? I though she was history.

There is one thing she said that you should take to heart.

She told me that all I do is get upset and cry and I should MAN UP! 

This. MAN UP, get a lawyer and throw her to the curb.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Wanabeelee said:


> One of the people over didn't have a ride home so at around 7am I offered to take him home. While I was gone she went into our daughters room and had sex with him in her bed.
> 
> *AND*
> 
> ...


And *this* is the vile low life you actually want to consider reconciling with - *again* - '_for the sake of the children_?'

How many *more* times are you going to use your kids as an excuse to cling like grim death to this woman because you're too paralyzed with fear to respect yourself and leave her?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

KillerClown said:


> She told me that all I do is get upset and cry and I should MAN UP!


Without even reading the other thread, I already *knew *this was clearly the case.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Even your wife told you to man up. And you haven't, because you think you and her are soul mates. Feel free to run away from the hard advice and rug sweep this.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Reboot your life man. GTFO


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Just plain NASTY!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE and then kick her out again and make sure you son knows why...she is a sick pig


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Wanabeelee my man, you're just too much of a puzzy to deal with a woman who feels like a new man. She's completely lost interest and respect for you Dawg. Her telling you, "that she was not happy and things would have to change" means she wants to bang other guys and you're going to have to go along with it. You're rationalization that, "she told herself that things wasn't good so that she would feel better about having sex with him" is the biggest load of crap I think I've ever heard; even bigger than, "I had no clue of her actions when I reluctantly agreed to letting him move in". I suppose you you forgot you earlier wrote, "The OM was pushy about them having sex." In other words you knew about them f-cking like two ferrets and agreed to be a cuckold just for the privilege of having her stay with you. Moreover, if you think this hot to trot chick went five years without getting a little strange, I suggest you stay out of the gambling joints. Hell man, you can't even run to the store for milk without her jumping some guys bones. 

_(I'm writing as if I take this story at face value. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't )_


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

VladDracul said:


> Wanabeelee my man, you're just too much of a puzzy to deal with a woman who feels like a new man. She's completely lost interest and respect for you Dawg. Her tell you, "that she was not happy and things would have to change" means she wants to bang other guys and you're going to have to go along with it. You're rationalization that, "she told herself that things wasn't good so that she would feel better about having sex with him" is the biggest load of crap I think I've ever heard; even bigger than, "I had no clue of her actions when I reluctantly agreed to letting him move in". I suppose you you forgot you earlier wrote, "The OM was pushy about them having sex." In other words you knew about them f-cking like two ferrets and agreed to be a cuckold just for the privilege of having her stay with you. Moreover, if you think this hot to trot chick went five years without getting a little strange, I suggest you stay out of the gambling joints. Hell man, you can't even run to the store for milk without her jumping some guys bones.
> 
> _(I'm writing as if I take this story at face value. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't )_



While you might be right about some things. You are wrong about others

Time Line:
Sept 3 Wife sleeps with OM for first time.
Sept 6 OM moves in
Sept 9 Second time she ****s him
Sept 20 She packs **** up and says she is leaving, After talking we agree to try to make it work
Sept 24 A friend told me she was having sex with OM
Sept 27 Went to my appointment with the attorney

Yes her saying things wasn't going good was BS.
Her saying things would have to change is really messed up considering she was sleeping with the OM
I'm sure I am less a man now than I was before I forgave the first affair. I should have stuck to my feelings that time.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

OP 

Sorry this has happened, but can 't offer any real advice. If you are not going to divorce her after this, you should just agree to open marriage and stop going through all this pain.

STOP using your kids as a crutch. Fifty percent of marriages now end in dovirce and most of these kids turn out fine. 

She told you NOTHING that you did not have to find out yourself. So what do you think is going to happen if you stay with her. Another five years of getting to trust her ( yeah right) and then she bangs someone else. You are living with a serial cheater and why you want to discuss anything with her is beyond me.

And by the way, this so called girlfriend. What did she do. Tell her to have fun and get a vicarious thrill. Wife ****s a 22 year old and then moves him in to your house. Don't think you are going to get much encouragement to reconcile with her.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I just don't understand why some men have no boundaries and no self respect. I can't wrap my head around it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

You know flat out her cheating is on you this time around. Its the old saying. "Kick me once shame on you. Kick me twice shame on me." If you stay with her you had better just prepare yourself to allow this. Some people are really ok being cuckholded and being a doormat. There is another guy on another site right now agreeing with his wife to go have a relationship with her other man while he waits at home for her to choose him. If you stay married this is the exact thing your agreeing to. 

I put up with a serial cheater for ten years. I could never prove she had sex with someone. I could only prove the emotional component of it. I stayed with her trying to keep my family together. Now that we have been divorced 10 years do you think any one really cares what she did to me and her family. Do you think our kids really have a clue the pain it caused me and them. I can tell you it means nothing to stay. Its your fault if you do. The best way to deal with these things is always put yourself FIRST. Divorce her and don't look back. She will never be the woman you want her to be and your wasting your life trying to make it work. There are far better women out there and your children will be just fine as long as you show them a healthy path forward. 

C


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So are you or are you not going to divorce her now?

Also, you need to get to a dr asap and have std testing done.

Thank god you at least had the balls to throw the little twerp who was boinking your wife out of the house. Now she needs to follow him.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Read through your other thread a little bit earlier today. Your wife has a history of dishonesty.

You should have pulled the plug on this marriage when she unilaterally decided to stop taking her birth control years ago.

Push through w/ the divorce, lest you find yourself right back here 5 years from now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Wanabeelee said:


> While you might be right about some things. You are wrong about others
> 
> Time Line:
> 
> ...


Does it make sense that on Sept 3 she banged him while you were gone a few minutes and after he moves in, these two love birds restrain themselves until the 9th. Remember you said she concocted the plan for her FB to move in. How can you possible go along with her having a human dildo in your own house and rattling your daughters bed? Get the "man" crap out of it. You're just weak. Men and women can be weak. Your, "I don't want to be controlling" is enough to make me sick. You couldn't control her if your life depended on it. If you've got to bird dog every thing she's doing to keep her from inviting other men to bang her, what's you goal?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"Hey, former wayward wife! Let's have a strip party in our house!

And let's invite a 22 year old man to come live with us!"

I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Divorce. And go for child custody as clearly your wife has zero love or concern for her daughter.


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

Graywolf2 said:


> You either divorce her or you don’t. If you don’t then your actions will tell her that she can do anything and still have you for stability and security. Give me a reason why she wouldn’t do it again? You will be really really upset next time?
> 
> You have to make her think that there is at least a possibility of divorce for the magnitude of what she did to sink in. Your actions show her that it must not be all that big of a deal.
> 
> If you stay married you will have put her on “double secret probation”


Graywolf,

That's what I'm afraid of. I do still love her. I already installed some hidden cams in the house and mirrored her phone. Still have some things left over from the last A. She has been crying in a ball every day while I've been at work. I still worry and care about her. I just don't think I will ever be able to trust her again.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Wanabeelee said:


> Graywolf,
> 
> That's what I'm afraid of. I do still love her. I already installed some hidden cams in the house and mirrored her phone. Still have some things left over from the last A. She has been crying in a ball every day while I've been at work. I still worry and care about her. I just don't think I will ever be able to trust her again.


Divorce now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Wanabeelee said:


> Graywolf,
> 
> That's what I'm afraid of. I do still love her. I already installed some hidden cams in the house and mirrored her phone. Still have some things left over from the last A. She has been crying in a ball every day while I've been at work. I still worry and care about her. I just don't think I will ever be able to trust her again.


ETA: Duplicate post.

(Seriously, though... 

Divorce now.)


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> "Hey, former wayward wife! Let's have a strip party in our house!
> 
> And let's invite a 22 year old man to come live with us!"
> 
> ...


MattMatt, 

The strip party was never intended and that group of pokemon friends are not around any more. Who would guess a bunch of nerds playing a pokemon game would be so damn crazy. 

Looks like me being trusting and trying not to control was letting my boundaries go. Guess that's what went wrong. 

As others have pointed out I am weak, but I'm at least moving forward to a D this time. I've pulled her name from insurance, as soon as my account is out of protection I'm closing our joint account and talking to someone about buying this car note from me. Since she would be unable to pay it with no job or place to stay around here.


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## Ckone1800 (Jul 13, 2015)

Wanabeelee said:


> Graywolf,
> 
> 
> 
> That's what I'm afraid of. I do still love her. I already installed some hidden cams in the house and mirrored her phone. Still have some things left over from the last A. She has been crying in a ball every day while I've been at work. I still worry and care about her. I just don't think I will ever be able to trust her again.




Do you want to live the balance of your life spying on her?

Crying in a ball everyday is not necessarily a good sign for you, unfortunately. It could be many reasons not associated with your pain. 

You've tried to repair this using your own methods, and it hasn't proven to be successful. Please open your mind to the sound advice given here by people who have been through similar situations. The people here are trying to HELP you. 

If you could get past your fear of starting over, financial issues and loneliness, you could see that life is so much better when infidelity is not involved. 

You will have more financial freedom, less emotional abuse and will find new friends and acquaintances. 

I am a private person who prefers to stay to myself, but I can be social when called upon. My self esteem had been crushed so badly that I thought I had a social disorder. I found out that it was my inner tingling that made me uncomfortable around certain groups, which are the same type of groups with which your WW associates. 

Your life can be whatever you want it to be, but you have to make that choice for yourself. Make sure you are teaching your children that this type of behavior has consequences. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

She will be out of the house friday. I dont want to upset my daughter during her cheer competition. I will be getting papers drawn up Monday. I was told I have 3 months after she signs to file. I may be to weak to go through with it but I do value ya's advice.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Crying in a ball is not remorse or guilt, it's fear.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Wanabeelee said:


> That's what I'm afraid of. I do still love her. I already installed some hidden cams in the house and mirrored her phone. Still have some things left over from the last A. She has been crying in a ball every day while I've been at work. I still worry and care about her. I just don't think I will ever be able to trust her again.


Any relationship needs several different components (and levels thereof) to work out, honesty, trust, respect, sympathy and others. A mere aquaintance only has to meet certain levels, friends more and partners/best friends even more. If it is a romantic relationship you need "love" too.

Your wife does not respect you or your kids (who has sex in her own daughter's bed and lets her sleep in the same bed sheets?), she is dishonest, untrustworthy and selfish. You loving her only makes you vulnerable. You reconciled and you got hurt again. The only thing you have is your love, the rest is gone. That's not a healthy relationship, that's you depending on her emotionally and she is abusing you. 

Her "love" is not for you, it's the social and financial security and stability you bring to the table and that's the reason she is crying because she does not know what the future holds. Just as you were and are afraid to leave her because you don't know what a future without her holds.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Crying in a ball can be fear, regret, or remorse. There are degrees of likelihood, but nobody truly knows, likely to include the WW herself.

In the meantime, she is clearly emotionally dysfunctional. The threats, the impulsiveness, and the promiscuity all scream PD to me. If it were me, I would be counting the hours until I was well clear of her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

She's not crying because she cheated... again.

She's not crying because it hurt you... again.

She's not even crying because she got caught... again.

She's crying because she realizes that her poor choices are FINALLY going to result in the destruction of her marriage, home, and family.

That's _barely_ regret, and it sure as Hell ain't remorse.

And Hell, if OM had been a real, actual adult capable of supporting her instead of a 22-year-old Pokémon-playing millennial d**chebag manchild, she wouldn't be crying at all.

She'd just be gone.

So make THAT happen, otherwise you'll be back in 5 years after walking in on her and one of your kids' friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

rzmpf said:


> Any relationship needs several different components (and levels thereof) to work out, honesty, trust, respect, sympathy and others. A mere aquaintance only has to meet certain levels, friends more and partners/best friends even more. If it is a romantic relationship you need "love" too.
> 
> Your wife does not respect you or your kids (who has sex in her own daughter's bed and lets her sleep in the same bed sheets?), she is dishonest, untrustworthy and selfish. You loving her only makes you vulnerable. You reconciled and you got hurt again. The only thing you have is your love, the rest is gone. That's not a healthy relationship, that's you depending on her emotionally and she is abusing you.
> 
> Her "love" is not for you, it's the social and financial security and stability you bring to the table and that's the reason she is crying because she does not know what the future holds. Just as you were and are afraid to leave her because you don't know what a future without her holds.


Ok, just going to throw this out there and get an out side view. Honesty, is one way me to her. Trust is one way her to me. Respect is almost completely gone for both of us. Love - I believe is still there between us. 

When she left on Tuesday she was begging me for a D. She was telling me it would be better if we was not together. She had already deleted her facebook, the OM contacts in her phone. All the contacts from the people we had been hanging out with for Pokemon, Left me all the kids insurance and social card, left the bank card and the key to the house. I didn't ask her to do any of that. My son went to where she was to talk her into coming back. Our talk that night said things would have to change if we was to work. As hurt and mad (like AC current) that she made me by up and leaving, I assumed she was talking about me. But I recorded our talk and went back over it. She did point out that I had trust issues but she understood why. (after all she had already been sleeping with the OM) She said I was to controlling. (But as someone pointed out I could not control her if I wanted to) She told me she was unhappy and didn't know if we could be together. (Now not once did she say anything about sleeping with the OM) 

Saturday when I was told that she had sleep with the OM by a pokemon friend. I didn't want to believe, or I didn't trust that she wasn't mistaken because of things going on with her. I confronted my wife. I had no proof like the time before. Just someone saying that she thought my WW was. She denied it twice and went for a walk. She had left her phone and keys behind and just took a pack of smokes. I thought she was mad cause I was not being trusting. When she got back she pulled me away from the group and told me what happened. She said she was drunk, but that wasn't an excuse, that she was feeling unhappy and he was being touchy/pushy about really wanting her. She told me it made her feel young, and attractive and she did it. She told me the second time that was me only being gone for around 15 min that she was tipsy from the shots that was taken. When I left that he got touchy and she said no but when he asked again that she said yes. 

Since then she has been answering anything I ask, has been trying to share everything being sent to her phone and recount every conversation she had on it. She outed herself to her family (She didn't to my parents) She outed herself to our 18 year old son. She outed herself to her friends and mine. She has begged me to forgive her, and says but if I cant she knows she did this to herself. She don't want anything out of the D but visitation and the chance to attend our daughters cheer. She has offered to leave ( up till today I said she could stay till I made up my mind on how to deal with what she had done) but please wait till after our daughters cheer competition (Friday) as our daughter already had trouble and was blaming herself for the 4 hours my WW had already left the house with her stuff. 

When I found out about the A I took her phone to find all the information that I was going to delete removed already. I was not going to remove any of the social media things but she already had. I don't know if she learned how to play me from the first A or if its how I feel or want it to be she is truly sorry. 

I have cameras on my front door, back door, bedroom, living room. Only places I don't have cameras in my house is my kids room and the bathrooms. So the OM was crashing the first time in our daughters room and that's where it happened. The second time they went to her room from the living room. (as seen on camera) I don't monitor the cameras daily. Hell I hardly look at them any more. But after finding out I went all the way back and counted the number of times they was back there together. Only 3. One she said she was just talking to him and wasn't back there for 5 min. So my WW saying twice seems right. Knowing that it don't take them but 15 min to be done, I'm guessing that in the month she could have sleep with him a lot more. From the 11th till the 18th we was dealing with my daughter being really sick with a kidney infection. (It has crossed my mind that she might have got that from a tainted bed) When she was better it wasn't two days till she decided to leave and ask me to give her a D. 

I can verify the date her facebook went inactive but not when she removed so many contacts from her phone. 

I am moving on with plans for the D. It will take 3 months to happen at any point I can stop it. I am moving on with plans for her to be out of the house on friday. Maybe a few months she will not be telling me that she wants to say married, and she is sorry. Maybe in that time I will be past the I don't want my family to fall apart. 

I know my post are all over the place and details are sketchy at best. I know the way it sounds like I am leaning. (to stay with her even though) I would be lying if I said that this is the first time that I sat down to put thoughts in order before just slamming the keyboard. They may still be jumbled as I know I am at the moment.


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> She's not crying because she cheated... again.
> 
> She's not crying because it hurt you... again.
> 
> ...



What counts as remorse?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Wanabeelee said:


> What counts as remorse?


I'll save you some time and put it to you like this --

If your WW were at all capable of remorse, she wouldn't have cheated again.

Go back and re-read your first thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

Wanabeelee said:


> What counts as remorse?


She told you to MAN UP.
This is not a question a MAN would ask.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I have read a lot of these types of threads over the years now. One thing I can tell you is generally emotionally week men get bullied. Passive men seem to get cheated on. 

I believe the kind of woman who is going to cheat seek out these passive types of men to make their spouses. They know they will get away with it. I also think when a woman loses respect for a man she is more apt to cheat. Right now your actions show you have been both. Your situation is not going to change unless you change yourself. One time should have been enough. 

You are wasting your life, she is never going to change. It is not in her nature.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Oy vey.....


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Wanabeelee said:


> When she left on Tuesday she was begging me for a D. She was telling me it would be better if we was not together. She had already deleted her facebook, the OM contacts in her phone. All the contacts from the people we had been hanging out with for Pokemon, Left me all the kids insurance and social card, left the bank card and the key to the house. I didn't ask her to do any of that. My son went to where she was to talk her into coming back. Our talk that night said things would have to change if we was to work. As hurt and mad (like AC current) that she made me by up and leaving, I assumed she was talking about me. But I recorded our talk and went back over it. She did point out that I had trust issues but she understood why. (after all she had already been sleeping with the OM) She said I was to controlling. (But as someone pointed out I could not control her if I wanted to) She told me she was unhappy and didn't know if we could be together. (Now not once did she say anything about sleeping with the OM)


What does this woman have to do to convince you she's not into you, put a billborad on the interstate. Buried in the above paragraph of her telling you she wants a divorce, telling you she is patently unhappy and dissatisfied, is it is better off if "we" (womanese meaning she) are not together, willing to cut the kids loose and ditch the roof over her head to get away from you, thinks you're controlling and for the love of gawd, can't deal with your trust issues, you still pepper it with hope she really doesn't mean it and is cheating because she doesn't really comprehend the magnitude what she's doing.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Wanabeelee said:


> She will be out of the house friday. I dont want to upset my daughter during her cheer competition. I will be getting papers drawn up Monday. I was told I have 3 months after she signs to file. I may be to weak to go through with it but I do value ya's advice.


Come on Wannabe, your WW did this to you twice! Find your cajones and take swift and decisive action!

1. lawyer, check your options in your country/state
2. VAR house and car. How do you know he is out of the picture?
3. Do the 180 on her, detach now
4. You are so co-dependent, get counselling so that you can grow a pair
5. Tell your family, her family, friends, everyone, she needs to be accountable and take responsibilty, do not let her rewrite your marital history
6. Take care of yourself, go to the gym, join a club etc.

"Fool me once, shame on your, fool me twice shame on me" Divorce her now! 
What message are you sending your kids, so that they will grow up thinking this is all ok?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Wanabeelee said:


> What counts as remorse?


Remorse for the first affair is not cheating a second time. "Two strikes she should be out"!


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Gosh, I feel so bad for her. I mean, when are you going to get over your unreasonable "trust issues"? Maybe after the 10th time she has sex with some stranger? Certainly there won't be an 11th time. Just learn to trust already!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> I'll save you some time and put it to you like this --
> 
> If your WW were at all capable of remorse, she wouldn't have cheated again.
> 
> ...


Your wife may well be chock full of remorse.

But if she keeps risking the health of you and your daughter with STDs, then her remorse is worth NOTHING.

And yes there have been cases of children catching an STD in a non-sexual way from a cheating parent. One case involved infected bath towels, I recall.

Your wife is a menace to your daughter and yourself.

You need to get tested for STDs.

And I hate to mention this, but have you had your daughter's DNA tested? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> What does this woman have to do to convince you she's not into you, put a billborad on the interstate. Buried in the above paragraph of her telling you she wants a divorce, telling you she is patently unhappy and dissatisfied, is it is better off if "we" (womanese meaning she) are not together, willing to cut the kids loose and ditch the roof over her head to get away from you, thinks you're controlling and for the love of gawd, can't deal with your trust issues, you still pepper it with hope she really doesn't mean it and is cheating because she doesn't really comprehend the magnitude what she's doing.


She might be seriously into her husband. Really in love with him. 

But if she cannot keep her legs together, then none of that matters.

Divorce. It's the way forward. Sadly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

MM, over my years of experience, I've formulated the perception that when you really love and are into your spouse, being faithful and loyal is easy. Additionally, its a lot easier to say you love someone to keep them in line, than to actually act the part. As the idiom goes, action speaks louder than words. My own son and daughter in law could serve as an example of saying one thing but doing something else.
The way he's handling it makes me wonder if I should DNA him. I hope it gets it from the other side of the family.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

Wanabeelee, when I read threads like this, I find them virtually impossible to believe. Still, I have watched enough reality tv to say that stranger things do happen in the world. That being said, I have some questions for you and I am not being insulting, but these facts do matter.

1. How old are you? I mean, unless I missed it, you have an 11 year old daughter, this OM is 22 and he made your wife feel young and yet Pokemon go is the game that you are playing. The dialogues strike me as odd as well.

2. Do you or she have any diagnosed disabilities? I am not being insulting, but I am really struggling to grasp the order and logic of what you are saying. So much does not seem right, beyond the cheating.

3. Why are you willing to put up with this? In the end, you can get all of the "divorce her" or "man up" or whatever advice, but you will ignore it all and ask more questions and post more updates of abuse and disrespect and still remain. Therefore, in order to get advice in the form that is helpful for you, please answer that question. "why are you willing to put up with this"?

4. Why are you not listening to her when she says she wants a D? Marriage takes 2 people, and not one person who won't let go.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

I would have a hard time believing a person would allow them to subject themselves to this sort of abuse over such a long time if I hadn't met someone in person who was in a similar spot. 

Was hanging out with a buddy one time and this guy was also a friend of my buddy and we got to talking and he was going on about this girl who was in and out of his life for over 10 years, they were engaged at one point. She kept leaving him for other guys and he kept taking her back. At that particular time she was with some other guy but he freely acknowledged that if she showed up at his doorstep he'd take her right back again, no questions asked. His entire life was on hold, he never met anyone else and didn't care to. He said "what can I do, I love her". Such a sense of learned helplessness is beyond most peoples imagination but to others, it's their life.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

No way! After she put you through all of that she nails someone in your daughter's bedroom. That's sick! You need to get rid of this train wreck wife of your's.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> No way! After she put you through all of that she nails someone in your daughter's bedroom. That's sick! You need to get rid of this train wreck wife of your's.


You think it's sick that mom nails a HS boy in his daughters bedroom but you hold back judgment on his actions- idly standing by while this occurs and still wanting to fix this thing?

Not so sure she's the one in need of dire help. 

She's just out there having fun.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Wanabeelee said:


> MattMatt,
> 
> I've pulled her name from insurance.


I just got around to reading this particular post. I'm with the others about all this being hard to believe. Nevertheless, if its real, I hope you're not stupid enough to pull her off your health insurance without checking with your attorney. If you did, you likely violated state law. Moreover, terminating her health insurance may also make you liable to third parties for medical her bills. Many states have a common law doctrine called the doctrine of necessaries, which essentially means is that when you are married, you are responsible for your spouse’s necessaries; most relevant being the ‘necessary’ of medical care. Don't argue about the legality of the doctrine. You'll lose. Its been upheld in state's appellant and supreme courts. I'm not going to get into you pawning off her car and gawd help you if you cancel the car insurance and she runs over a kid exiting a school bus.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> I hope you're not stupid enough to pull her off your health insurance without checking with your attorney.


Think he was talking about car insurance but even then he could be liable for doing so without her consent. 

OP-

Despite the way you've been treated he's got financial and legal responsibilities and you cannot just pull the plug because you're pissed off. 

You must go through the proper legal channels.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

If you truly love her - divorce her and let her go. She needs something other than what you and the kids have to offer for her to be happy. You can never really trust her again. You can't keep having your heart ripped out every few years. YOU will not survive. How would that affect your kids?



If you really love her, let her go.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*So your W's sleeping around with other men under your very own roof benefits you and more especially your kids exactly just how?

If that question cannot be adequately answered, then perhaps it's beyond time to see a family lawyer to explore all of your legal as well as child custodial rights!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *So your W's sleeping around with other men under your very own roof benefits you and more especially your kids exactly just how?
> !*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe he figures its like a lifted truck my buddy's has and son and his friends take off roading and mud riding. Once you wash her off, she good as new.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Only you can say when enough is enough and you have obviously reached that point. I think the thing that most amazes me is that she has been caught cheating twice and still complaints that you are too controlling. I don't see how reconciliation can be successful, when she holds this kind of mind set. She does not impose boundaries on herself and refuses to accept yours, I just don't see much future in that situation. Her actions causes you to question her whereabouts, this creates a parent-child relationship, I can tell you from experience, this is no way to live. Best of luck to you and your family.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

WW's thoughts at this time.

OMG I lurve cake!!!!! Boo hoo

No more cake !!!!! Boo Hoo

Please don't take my cake !!!!! Wahahaha

I need cake!!!!!! Feed me!!!!! Boooooo hoooooo!!!!!!!!!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

People treat you the way you show them they can. Nothing will change in your life if you don't change it.


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