# Gee Whiz...I want to have an affair!



## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

So, you're thinking about having an affair?

I think I want to have an affair…It sounds exciting. You get to meet someone new and learn all about them. Share you inner most secrets with them. You get to establish a connection to someone new. You get to flirt and compliment them and they reciprocate. They build you up and give you confidence and make you feel like the most important and most desirable person in the world. The best thing is the world only contains you two…no one else. You get to anticipate messages and calls from them and start to think about them all the time. They will be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep…and the only thing you think about every minute in between! You then get to send sexy messages back and forth that get you excited and aroused. 

You get to start to ignore all of the other people in your life and focus only on your new friend. You get to secretly plan to meet them and spend time with them and it is so exciting…nobody else knows except you two. You get to fall in love again and feel like a teenager. Bonus! You get to act just as irresponsible as one too. You get to experience the flood of dopamine filling your brain with infatuation and lust…Wow! 

You get to abandon all of your family and household responsibilities because your faithful, door mat of a spouse, which you will no longer have any respect or appreciation for, will be there to cover for you and take care of things on the home front. There will always enough money in the bank to cover the cost of necessities like new clothes, shoes and haircuts (so you can look your best for them), the flashy new car, fuel for the car, insurance for the car, cell phone and bill, that you communicate with them on the go and set up your next secret rendezvous with them on. (Better yet, make it a smart phone…no text message trail anymore…data usage reports mean nothing), a new password protected laptop computer with a screen lock and the internet that you communicate with them on. Make sure it has a big screen (better for looking at the photos you will be exchanging), even batteries for your vibrator so you can pleasure yourself as you think about your special friend. 

You get to learn how to make up stories and to lie to your spouse and family in order to cover your tracks and spend time with your special friend. Since your spouse loves and trusts you they will, without question, believe anything you tell them. You will then learn to disrespect them because they are clueless. And finally, you will begin to not think of them at all. This is where you began to feel truly liberated. You may now look back at the history of your marriage and re-write it to justify your actions and cover up any small amount of guilt you may feel.

Think about it. You get to do anything you want, wherever you want, whenever you want with your new special friend and no one will know. You could be spending time with them and thinking about them….emailing, facebooking, instant messaging, sending pictures of your naked a***s back and forth, having text and phone sex, shopping together, having lunches together, talking in coffee shops, meeting and parking at the far corners of parking lots or in back by the loading docks (when more privacy is needed), going for nice drives in the country or the city (who cares, you won’t be looking at the scenery), partying at the bowling alley and drinking with them, (I can't think of a better way to loose ones inhabitations), having dinners and drinks together and maybe some dancing...the possibilities are unlimited. Let's not forget the best place of all...meeting in hotel rooms. Remember, nothing that says "F**k you" to a spouse more than having the person they love and adore and to whom they have committed their life to run off and have sex with another person. If your spouse finds out just say "we were just talking" Spouse's tend to understand this kind of thing...it could happen to anyone! This will give you a feeling of invincible power and self confidence in your marriage.

When your stupid sap of a spouse finally starts to catch on to your fun you get to put into practice the infidels’ skills of Sand Bagging, Stone Walling, Gas Lighting. Fence Sitting, Miss-direction, Blame Shifting, Trickle-Truth and just plain old fashioned lying. Don’t worry if you don’t understand what these terms mean. They will come naturally to you when you start your affair. Oh ya, make sure to tell your spouse that you are just friends and nothing happened…that will make it OK …and if that doesn't work just tell then you are not happy. Another good one is telling them you love them but are not in love with them anymore. They will understand.

When they act shocked, stunned and depressed with your change in character and feelings for them you get to walk all over them and treat them like s**t. You still get to secretly see your special friend but now it's even more exciting because you get to match wits with your spouse and the threat of getting caught is much greater…now that’s really exciting! 

Your spouse will probably start to rapidly loose weight and have trouble sleeping due to the incredible amounts of new stress in their lives but that is normal and is their problem, not to worry, you have more exciting things to think about. Just disconnect from them completely and your spouse will take care of themselves and your kids too as well as keep the bank account full. Remember, when pressed for answers, threaten to leave or simply shut down and refuse to answer any or all questions.

Sooner or later your spouse will probably give you an ultimatum to break all contact with your special friend. Tell them you will not be pushed into a decision. If this is unacceptable to your spouse, it may be helpful to agree but tell your spouse you will need more time to do this and then drag your feet. If that doesn’t work, reluctantly agree to a DNC letter. Since you know they cannot possibly keep track of every form of communication in this 21st century, renewed contact will be possible, in fact likely. Don’t sweat it, lay low for a while until the heat dies down and then hit the ground running again. It is also helpful to feed them some crumbs to your spouse once in a while to keep them just happy enough not to file for the big “D”. Their Self esteem will be so low at this point they will probably accept any meaningless molecule of affection you throw at them. As a last resort it may be helpful to show a small amount of remorse but I don’t recommend it except in extreme emergencies. 

Do not hand over passwords to cell phones or computers under any circumstances. Tell your spouse it is an invasion of your privacy and flat out refuse. It is also helpful to accuse them of being a controlling freak with issues. This should get them off your back for a while. If this doesn’t work you can always get your self a pre-paid cell phone and keep it hidden. 

Eventually your spouse may grow a pair and decide that they have had enough. They will probably pay a visit to a "D" attorney. If this happens you have two choices. 

1) You can call their bluff and see what happens.

If your spouse decides to "D" you this is what you can expect. You will be rewarded with half of all marital assets even if you did nothing to earn them. You will be eligible for spousal support as well because you were to lazy and self focused to dedicate yourself to any career or even full time work. You will also get child support for the children but you can spend that on yourself as well. Remember, you still selfish and you come first. If you are really fortunate, you may get the family home as well. 
To summarize, you get to keep the life you had plus all of the trimmings, without the pathetic spouse who provided it for you. Also, as a special bonus, you get to move you special friend in with you so they can also be part your new life as well. The kids will understand…you need to be happy. Besides they will only be there half the time anyway which will give you plenty of kid free time to enjoy all of it and your special friend.

2) Reluctantly end your affair with your special friend.

If you decide on option 2 this is what you should do. Agree to end the affair. This will be difficult because you are now completely infatuated with your special friend and just the sight of your spouse turns your stomach. You will be depressed and in a really thick fog for a long, long time. Your spouse will have to tend to you like an infant and hand you cases of Kleenex to wipe all of the tears you will be shedding thinking about the loss of your special friend. During this time you should refuse to talk about the affair or contribute to the household in anyway. You will be incapable of showing any remorse or making any apologies. You must appear to be resentfully of your spouse for the ending your dopamine fueled fun and excitement. This will require you to spend days on end in bed and hours staring into space with a blank expression on you face. Your spouse will understand because they love you and have become accustom to living like this for months anyway…what's another year or two. Remember, during this time, you will feel no attraction, physical or otherwise, for your spouse. This is OK. By this time, they are used to living a life more celibate than a monk. Besides they are so filled with hope to reconcile that they are willing to do anything to get back their life. You should heal at your own pace…do not be rushed.

When the fog in your head finally clears and you are ready to forgive and accept your Betrayed Spouse as your partner again you will be rewarded by instant reinstatement back to the position of king or queen or the household. 

The end? 

As you can see, there is no down side to having an affair..:lol: 

_____________________________________________________
Sorry, this my lame attempt at a parody of my spouse's affair. I was just thinking sarcastically about my own situation and when I stepped back I started to recognize the twisted humor. 
_____________________________________________________
Disclaimer: No cheating spouses were injured in the writing of this story.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Sad but painfully true.
Poor Bella sitting for seasons in her chair staring out the window thinking of Edward.
and the stupid song in the background with the kid singing "Theres a possibiliteeeeeeeeeeeee,,,,,,,,, all that I had........."


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Decimated said:


> As you can see, there is no down side to having an affair..:lol:


:FIREdevil:Hell is a real place. Thank God.:biggrinangelA:

Love the raw honesty in this post. 

I firmly believe that what goes around comes around, and though I allow God to take vengeance for me, I have a time limit. LOL

Mother Teresa once said "God never gives us more than we can Handel, I just wish he didn't trust me so much"

Well.. I agree Mama Terry. I agree.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

This should be a sticky.

Please! No more Twilight analogies. Thats just wrong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

This hit home. It's all so textbook. Selfish selfish selfish.  It really is twisted humor. There really is no downside, is there? Us loyal spouses get stomped on, crushed, beaten, manipulated, and we feel more pain than they ever will. Until their love affair backfires in their face. Then one day, do they ever look back and realize how stupid they were? And we've moved on.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Statistically, i think that its about 70 to 80% of DS's that left thier parnter regretted in in about 2 years, average. About the time it tkes to get out of that honeymoon fntasyland stage of thier affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

What's wrong with Twilight??? LOL!!! Sorry I love the movies/books, I am a Twihard....ok I said it!!!LOL!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Statistically, i think that its about 70 to 80% of DS's that left thier parnter regretted in in about 2 years, average. About the time it tkes to get out of that honeymoon fntasyland stage of thier affair.


I 'd like this to be true but have become jaded reading a lot of stories where one spouse left for the other person and it lasted way longer than it was "supposed to."


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

I love this...my h had an ea not too long ago, and all of this rings so true...Well said..unfortunately.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I'd love to email this to my husband and have him see how textbook his uncharacteristic actions are. He wonders why I'm so darn suspicious, well HELLO! This is so YOU!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

These affair things should sell like hot cakes!

We could get rich marketing this thing! We should consider filming an infomercial. Tiger Woods still available?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I highly doubt that the majority of people who end up in affairs seek them out for the excitement. A lot of times I think it's done out of desperation. 

I the past I could never understand how someone could have an affair. I thought it was some major character flaw found in people with low morals. Now, I understand completely. Being starved for affection, feeling like an afterthought, and being lied to and dismissed for so long brought me to the point of understanding. At my low point I pretty much locked myself inside the house to avoid the temptation. I was honest with my husband about my new understanding of affairs as well. I did everything in my power not to find someone to feel my needs that haven't been met in _years_. It shouldn't be hard to be faithful, but it became that way. 

I understand the purpose of your post and I agree with the majority of it. Affairs aren't always about new blood, though. I guess it felt a bit dismissive.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> I highly doubt that the majority of people who end up in affairs seek them out for the excitement. A lot of times I think it's done out of desperation.
> 
> I the past I could never understand how someone could have an affair. I thought it was some major character flaw found in people with low morals. Now, I understand completely. Being starved for affection, feeling like an afterthought, and being lied to and dismissed for so long brought me to the point of understanding. At my low point I pretty much locked myself inside the house to avoid the temptation. I was honest with my husband about my new understanding of affairs as well. I did everything in my power not to find someone to feel my needs that haven't been met in _years_. It shouldn't be hard to be faithful, but it became that way.
> 
> I understand the purpose of your post and I agree with the majority of it. Affairs aren't always about new blood, though. I guess it felt a bit dismissive.


I understand your point WhereAmI. This was just a sarcastic look at my wifes affair. You can read it at:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/23812-trying-hold-together-ww-2.html

You will see that I am a good, honest husband and father who never lied, cheated, or ignored my wife. She is the one who can't seem to communicate.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As someone who has cheated on a spouse... There's a lot of truth in what you say, Decimated. But what you don't talk about are the things that lead up to the decision to cheat. In my case, the regular rejection of intimacy, the sex life that a monk would be happy with, the refusal to discuss or deal with any problems in the marriage relationship...

So yes, I'll take full blame for the decision I made. I made it, nobody put a gun to my head. In hindsight, I definitely wish I had done things in the "proper" order. Leave marriage, THEN find a compatible partner. It would let me feel that my integrity and moral code was still intact. But it took two of us to put the relationship in a state where I even considered cheating.

C


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I agree. This should be a sticky. This looks like a perfect layout of the "script" they use. It's amazing that I could have written that from my situation. Why do they all follow the same logic? It must be human nature on some level. Why else are so many different people with different backgrounds doing the same things? This definitely looks like "the nature of the beast" of an affair. I also want to print this out and show my wife. Maybe I will.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I 'd like this to be true but have become jaded reading a lot of stories where one spouse left for the other person and it lasted way longer than it was "supposed to."


me too but I am bookmarking this page. Please add it to the stickies


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

paramore said:


> What's wrong with Twilight??? LOL!!! Sorry I love the movies/books, I am a Twihard....ok I said it!!!LOL!!!


You know what they say...the first step to solving a problem is admitting it. ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> I highly doubt that the majority of people who end up in affairs seek them out for the excitement. A lot of times I think it's done out of desperation.
> 
> Being starved for affection, feeling like an afterthought, and being lied to and dismissed for so long brought me to the point of understanding.





PBear said:


> As someone who has cheated on a spouse... There's a lot of truth in what you say, Decimated. In my case, the refusal to discuss or deal with any problems in the marriage relationship...


I copy/pasted from both of you but all of the things I left in there were things going on in my marriage before my affair. 

And I never thought "Gee whiz I want to have an affair!" BUT ... NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM HAVING AN AFFAIR. EVER. It is a very stupid thing to do. No matter how you slice it.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

PBear said:


> As someone who has cheated on a spouse... There's a lot of truth in what you say, Decimated. But what you don't talk about are the things that lead up to the decision to cheat. In my case, the regular rejection of intimacy, the sex life that a monk would be happy with, the refusal to discuss or deal with any problems in the marriage relationship...
> 
> C


Thanks PBear, I have been getting a regular rejection of physical intimacy from her for the last 9 months dwindling down to about 4 times a month and then stopping in late December. This is when I started to discover her affair which she insists was not physical. After her parents passed away she started to withdraw emotionally, little by little. As much as I tried I could not get her to open up and really talk discuss any problems in the marriage or otherwise. I crave intimacy with her but she seems to be no longer capable of it. She will talk about everyday stuff but not the feelings that really matter.


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## SoCalKat (Mar 2, 2011)

I haven't cheated on my spouse, but I'm definitely in the same position of you and that other poster leading up to your affair.



PBear said:


> As someone who has cheated on a spouse... There's a lot of truth in what you say, Decimated. But what you don't talk about are the things that lead up to the decision to cheat. In my case, the regular rejection of intimacy, the sex life that a monk would be happy with, the refusal to discuss or deal with any problems in the marriage relationship...
> 
> So yes, I'll take full blame for the decision I made. I made it, nobody put a gun to my head. In hindsight, I definitely wish I had done things in the "proper" order. Leave marriage, THEN find a compatible partner. It would let me feel that my integrity and moral code was still intact. But it took two of us to put the relationship in a state where I even considered cheating.
> 
> C


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

PBear said:


> As someone who has cheated on a spouse... There's a lot of truth in what you say, Decimated. But what you don't talk about are the things that lead up to the decision to cheat. In my case, the regular rejection of intimacy, the sex life that a monk would be happy with, the refusal to discuss or deal with any problems in the marriage relationship...
> 
> So yes, I'll take full blame for the decision I made. I made it, nobody put a gun to my head. In hindsight, I definitely wish I had done things in the "proper" order. Leave marriage, THEN find a compatible partner. It would let me feel that my integrity and moral code was still intact. But it took two of us to put the relationship in a state where I even considered cheating.
> 
> C


I guess this is were I disagree. I was pretty low in my marriage too. After the Affair was in the open several people were surprised I was not the one that had an affair. My wife has her own problems, and as much as I did not help them, I was not the cause. Either you can cheat, or you can't. I don't care how low, or how ****ty my relationship were to get...I would not cheat. That is one reason I don't buy into the that line of thinking at times. I read "Surviving an affair" and I agree with the majority of the book that part just rubbed me the wrong way.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

For those saying how they feeled rejected,no sex life etc-you could have all chosen to leave the marriage and pursue a relationship afterwards.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ That is correct. And there is nothing I regret more.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Decimated, don't get me wrong. I fully sympathize with your situation, and don't blame you for feeling the way you do, and writing what you did. No matter how bad the marriage is, the decision to step outside that usually lies with one person; the person who's doing the cheating.

Bigwayneo, personally I think there's a spectrum of people's ability to cheat on a spouse. On one end is the spouse who will cheat at any opportunity even when things are going well in their marriage, just for their own pleasure or whatever. On the other end, is the spouse who will put up with a lifetime of abuse, celibacy, etc, and not consider cheating in any case. But most of us are somewhere in between.

Notreadytoquit, I agree with you. It was a very poor decision on my part, and one that I wish I hadn't made. I'm not blaming my wife for my cheating at all. After all, even in the marriage issues prior to cheating, I would have to take half the blame for those problems.

One other thing I will say is that I talked to my therapist individually after I cheated. And the one thing that came out of that initial session was that to me, the marriage had effectively been over for several months. I had grieved for it already and dealt with it's demise. Again, that still doesn't make my decision any "righter". But emotionally, my marriage was already over. I hadn't stepped outside my marriage for 17 years of up and downs, until I reached that point.

Just giving my perspective. I'm not trying to justify my decisions to anyone here, just providing some input from the dark side.

C


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Very well written. Would love to read one about a cheating husband and all the "fun" of their affairs.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Very well written. Would love to read one about a cheating husband and all the "fun" of their affairs.


Thank You AppleDucklings. I don't think I can help you with that one. It is just not in me to do something like that to someone I have made a promise to.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

paramore said:


> What's wrong with Twilight??? LOL!!! Sorry I love the movies/books, I am a Twihard....ok I said it!!!LOL!!!


Oh, you're not alone! And I love that song btw


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Decimated, I just loved every bit of your post. It was AWESOME! Thanks for the laugh. God knows I sure needed it.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

PBear said:


> As someone who has cheated on a spouse... There's a lot of truth in what you say, Decimated. But what you don't talk about are the things that lead up to the decision to cheat. In my case, the regular rejection of intimacy, the sex life that a monk would be happy with, the refusal to discuss or deal with any problems in the marriage relationship...
> 
> So yes, I'll take full blame for the decision I made. I made it, nobody put a gun to my head. In hindsight, I definitely wish I had done things in the "proper" order. Leave marriage, THEN find a compatible partner. It would let me feel that my integrity and moral code was still intact. But it took two of us to put the relationship in a state where I even considered cheating.
> 
> C


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Basically both partners are responsible for what went wrong IN the marriage, the individual themselves are responsible for stepping outside the marriage, as me and my husband have both been unfaithful, I take full responsibility for my failures as a wife AND stepping outside the marriage. It doesn't matter if my husband did it first, I did it as well, we are both equally at fault, no scorekeeping here.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

pbear said:


> but what you don't talk about are the things that lead up to the decision to cheat.


fail.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

LOL!!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well technically Pbear is right... nothing leading up to the affair is mentioned in the post. What is outlined is what the OP listed results from an affair which all of us can agree that NOTHING good can come from it. At all. Ever. Pbear openly admitted nobody stuck a gun to his head.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I agree, for sure....nothing good comes from an affair.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> I highly doubt that the majority of people who end up in affairs seek them out for the excitement. A lot of times I think it's done out of desperation.
> 
> I the past I could never understand how someone could have an affair. I thought it was some major character flaw found in people with low morals. Now, I understand completely. Being starved for affection, feeling like an afterthought, and being lied to and dismissed for so long brought me to the point of understanding. At my low point I pretty much locked myself inside the house to avoid the temptation. I was honest with my husband about my new understanding of affairs as well. I did everything in my power not to find someone to feel my needs that haven't been met in _years_. It shouldn't be hard to be faithful, but it became that way.
> 
> I understand the purpose of your post and I agree with the majority of it. Affairs aren't always about new blood, though. I guess it felt a bit dismissive.


Sometimes they cheat anyways. I never neglected my husband. I gave him sex when he wanted it. I gave him love, affection and attention. He cheated anyways. I was dedicated and devoted to him. I never betrayed him. I never cheated on him. He cheated anyways. And I hate him for what he did to me.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> fail.


:iagree:

Pbear, I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I am telling you for a fact, I could never in a thousands years, no matter how bad, how drunk, how high, how ****ty, how anything cheat. I could be surrounded by a thousand naked women, have my wife call me a fat piece of ****, walk over me for months, be drunk and high on EX, watching porn, and talking with old Girl friends...and still not cheat. Plain and simple.

Now I understand you are saying you are not using it as an excuse (and thats awesome:smthumbup, but I just disagree with line of thinking when it comes to affairs. Either you are morale, and try to work things out or leave the relationship (or put up with it), or you are not morale and cheat. Now do not get me wrong either, there are other small factors in the morale line, but its kind of plain as day imo. I am also not saying people who cheat are horrible monsters from the 7th layer of hell either. I know plenty of people (including myself at one point) who had there "love tank" at E or even negative (with the way they talked about there spouse), but never stepped out of bounds.


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

One question comes to mind is what the hell is the point in getting married today? As Bigwayneo and AppleDucklings said, even the best spouses get cheated on and, as Decimated said, cheaters often get rewarded for their moral and biblical indecency legally so why bother? I guess what I'm asking is if I had a child that said they wanted to get married, what do I tell them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

I think i need to delete my account.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

PBear said:


> But it took two of us to put the relationship in a state where I even considered cheating.
> 
> C


Yea, it took 2 to get you into that mindset, but only 1 to move forward with it. There were other options. Hopefully next time you'll consider something a bit less devistating to get your point across.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> I think i need to delete my account.


Deleting your account would be the same as cheating on us. Are you really considering cheating on us? There are other options.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

OK, I am not going to call myself an expert here because that is just rude, but I am well educated in Human Relations and such. So in light of that, I am going to add my two time-sense (2 cents).

Cheating is a question of ethics. It actually falls under Type 1 ethics - Something that society views as wrong but is not unlawful (in 47 states).

There was this poor religious couple who went to buy a car once... The sales man tried to sell them the worst car on the lot, but the wife eventually said "Dear husband, i think we should go home and pray on this decision, it is going to cost a lot of money and we need guidance" - Well the sales manager overheard this and asked if they could wait for 5 minutes. In that 5 minutes he went to the rest of his sales people and explained how these religious folks expected God to decide for them. He then walked into the room where the couple was waiting and said " Don't go home and Pray, Let's Pray now!!" So all the sales people and the couple joined hands around the car. And what do you think God said? Thats right... Sales people started to shake and talk in tongues.. and the couple spent all their money on that crap-mobile.

Now.. That isn't illegal, but it does make those sales guy douches. The unethical decision above was motivated by greed and the desire to self-serve at the expense of others. It was an independent decision based upon punishing a couple for being vulnerable and trusting.

Cheating is the same way... There is no "fed up with marriage so i cheated" excuse. That is a lie that cheaters tell themselves so that they can smile in bed or while texting with the OM/OW. Going outside the marriage for YOUR needs is an independent choice. It is not a Natural consequence of neglect or abuse. Fear, disgust, loneliness and even hatred are natural consequences to neglect, but cheating is your way of punishing your spouse that serves your needs.

Most Cheaters will look at that story above and probably think that the couple had it coming, that being suckered is a natural consequence to folks who trust sales people. But it isn't. The sales people have a choice... they can use compassion, and educate the buyers or they can be self serving and take advantage.

In the end, the cheaters and the sales folks have some ethics based things in common... They both self serve, they both take advantage of people and they are both douches.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> OK, I am not going to call myself an expert here because that is just rude, but I am well educated in Human Relations and such. So in light of that, I am going to add my two time-sense (2 cents).
> 
> Cheating is a question of ethics. It actually falls under Type 1 ethics - Something that society views as wrong but is not unlawful (in 47 states).
> 
> ...


Both douches... :rofl:


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> I think i need to delete my account.


:lol:
I will find you!:rofl:


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

twotimeloser said:


> OK, I am not going to call myself an expert here because that is just rude, but I am well educated in Human Relations and such. So in light of that, I am going to add my two time-sense (2 cents).
> 
> Cheating is a question of ethics. It actually falls under Type 1 ethics - Something that society views as wrong but is not unlawful (in 47 states).
> 
> ...


:lol::lol: Well said man. Well said.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Sometimes they cheat anyways. I never neglected my husband. I gave him sex when he wanted it. I gave him love, affection and attention. He cheated anyways. I was dedicated and devoted to him. I never betrayed him. I never cheated on him. He cheated anyways. And I hate him for what he did to me.


I agree. I was like that with my wife as well. I was a loving husband and father. I was always there for her and the kids in every way. Not everyone that cheats has a bad marriage. That is what makes it so tough. You look back and evaluate your marriage and wonder what you could have done differently to change the outcome. Her family is very spiritual (Christian) as well. It is just so out of character for her...at least the character that I knew as her.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> OK, I am not going to call myself an expert here because that is just rude, but I am well educated in Human Relations and such. So in light of that, I am going to add my two time-sense (2 cents).
> 
> Cheating is a question of ethics. It actually falls under Type 1 ethics - Something that society views as wrong but is not unlawful (in 47 states).
> 
> ...


I like this and believe it can be applied to any area where ethics is concerned, in particular another subject that keeps on coming up.

People can choose to have compassion, or be self serving and in so many areas people choose the self serving option and that's just sad.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

RWB said:


> good grief, cheaters ,
> if it makes u feel better go ahead and keep believing your loyal spouse drove u to another! you had 1000 other choices and u knew that. oh but they take work, honesty, and ownership and well the truth is thats just not what u really want. cheaters want the fix, yep just like a drug. if u want to keep blaming that sorry spouse, keep on, lieing is something you have become good at. good grief charlie brown.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are right!
Cheaters are just plain lazy. They want instant gratification in their lives. A side from abuse, Most issues can be addressed and repaired in a marriage...but it takes work and dedication along with perseverance and patience...and it takes time. There is nothing fun or exciting or instant about hard work so they opt for the easy way to fulfillment.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

PBear said:


> what you don't talk about are the things that lead up to the decision to cheat....
> 
> But it took two of us to put the relationship in a state where I even considered cheating.



ARE YOU FU*CKING KIDDING!?!?!

Your situation gave you one of the few chances you will ever get to look into a mirror at your soul and you don't even realize how pathetic the thing looking back at you was.

If it weren't for what someone did to you, then you would have never ________? 

So it's _someone else's fault_ that you dont have the strength and respect for yourself to walk away from this _horrible_ marriage of yours?... Is it a relief knowing someone else get's half of the credit for _you deciding_ to sell your soul instead?. 

Bad news. The chips were down, the pressure was on, You got a glimpse of who you _really_ are and what your _really_ made of... Hope you enjoyed the view. 

I guess the view doesn't bother you, your statements are basically "showing off the pictures". Would you mind putting those things back in your pocket? They are making me sick.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Sometimes they cheat anyways. I never neglected my husband. I gave him sex when he wanted it. I gave him love, affection and attention. He cheated anyways. I was dedicated and devoted to him. I never betrayed him. I never cheated on him. He cheated anyways. And I hate him for what he did to me.


No offense, but your husband is a Class-A douche bag. He's the reason I didn't say "all" spouses. It's entirely possible that you didn't meet some of his needs, but it seems he cheated repeatedly without bringing up whatever issue was hurting him (if there even was one).

If my post read like I was defending cheaters, I apologize. I don't think a person can blame their spouse for cheating. I do think it's dismissive to say they all do it to have the exciting thrill of a new relationship. 

I have not cheated on my H. I don't enjoy being in the place where I feel vulnerable to cheating. Things are a bit different when you're able to view the situation from both sides. I see a lot of the venom spewed toward cheaters (lazy, wanting instant gratification, self serving, lying, not trying to work things out) and they define my non-cheating H. However, if I stepped out of the marriage none of that would matter. I would become the evil spouse who ruined everything. Nevermind the years of dealing with his crap, I'd be the only one who was considered wrong. What a cluster****. 

I will not cheat. At this point it has nothing to do with him or my mighty-big morals, though. It's simply because I wouldn't want to leave this relationship knowing I didn't do everything to fix it. There's no sense in damaging it further.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> ARE YOU FU*CKING KIDDING!?!?!
> 
> Your situation gave you one of the few chances you will ever get to look into a mirror at your soul and you don't even realize how pathetic the thing looking back at you was.
> 
> ...


I agree with the sentiment here because when you start off saying : "the reason i did this..." what you are really saying is " i was entitled to do this because..."


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> I agree with the sentiment here because when you start off saying : "the reason i did this..." what you are really saying is " i was entitled to do this because..."


:smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Decimated, you wrote a really good summary with your original posting.

The pain and sense of loss and bewilderment expressed just right.

I am sorry you are going through this. Many of us here know this path well and wish we didn't.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

There are certain perspectives(relative) for the "motives" toward an affair. But, the absolutes outweigh the motives- "Make your feelings known to your spouse/partner. If nothing changes, make the necessary changes- new attitude, more communication, more romance, etc. Even separation is necessary at times, but don't start up an illicit affair because you lack attention. You owe your spouse at least the chance to rekindle the love that you BOTH were committed to. To start up another relationship under false pretenses and deceit is inexcusable behavior.


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## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

This post was very honest and candid and it allows the person who was impacted by the affair to take another look at this because that is EXACTLY what you go through because of the shock and awww trying to figure out how did this happen to me...our family..our life together etc..

Others have posted here and like them, no major problems at all. If he had concerns he did not mention anything until I found out about the affair. Not to drag that on but when it happens like that its like a gut punch and someone just rocks your world. Dream, trust, your future is all a blur because of someone's selfish acts.

I truly believe things could have been worked out if he would have communicated whatever his concern of "the something is missing" part he claims as his lame answer. But when you are left to deal with the aftermath it takes a toll on you in a different way.

He is going through an early midlife crisis and at this point after what I have been through I realize I go through songs depending on how I am feeling because I have to focus on renewing and repairing myself. I said I wanted a divorce happening more than once I cannot lose myself in trying to be with someone that wants something or someone else...life is too short to be treated like this.

Right now:

Timbaland - Apologize
Rhianna - Take a bow
Beyonce - Irreplaceable
Usher - Burn
Leona Lewis - Better in Time
Kerri Underwood - Before he Cheats


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

d1221 said:


> I truly believe things could have been worked out if he would have communicated whatever his concern of "the something is missing" part he claims as his lame answer. But when you are left to deal with the aftermath it takes a toll on you in a different way.
> s


:iagree::iagree:
Yep!, I told my DW that as well. I know it would hurt no matter what, but if I personal thought the marriage was "rock bottom" and it was dead, then I would not have hurt as bad.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Is the starting post, so cleverly written already copywrited? It would be an excellent writing to hand out at hmmm, weddings, churches, through councillors, at groups trying to save their marriages and thinking the grass is greener. Post them in the bars.

I think I may print it for my WW, her OM via OMW and my councillors.


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## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

Decimated said:


> Thank You AppleDucklings. I don't think I can help you with that one. It is just not in me to do something like that to someone I have made a promise to.


*teary eyed*
I could only wish that my hubby felt the way you do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Trying to figure out a way to get my H to read this. And not know that it came from me. Hmmm... Would it even register with the disloyal?


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

disbelief said:


> Is the starting post, so cleverly written already copywrited? It would be an excellent writing to hand out at hmmm, weddings, churches, through councillors, at groups trying to save their marriages and thinking the grass is greener. Post them in the bars.
> 
> I think I may print it for my WW, her OM via OMW and my councillors.


Thank you disbelief. I did not copyright it...I just made it up. It was my way of venting frustration about my situation and my wife's affair. Because she doesn't seem to want to talk about her affair, I seem to talk to myself a lot lately...sad


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