# Wife asked me to get a Vasectomy



## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

She wants to go off birth control plus she does not want any more children. I'm 40 years old. 

Is it easier/better to figure I should not have any more children at this age?

I still feel young and we've had several issues in our marriage. I question my decision because I wonder, what if we divorce and I meet someone younger that wants children. We have not had the best marriage.

Maybe it's the better idea, and it certainly would be easier on her not having to use BC.


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## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

I got a vasectomy about 6 years ago at age 27. I was through having kids, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I got about 2 years of really great, frequent, stress-free sex out of the deal. Then another 4 years or mediocre to sometimes great infrequent, stress free sex. There is something amazing to be able to complete the act naturally with your wife and not have to worry about her getting preggers, especially when she is ovulating.

I am now getting divorced at 33, and I do not regret the vasectomy because I know I am done having kids. If I meet someone else was wants kids then they are simply not for me. I am younger than you, and I can not imagine starting over at your age.

Bottom line if you do it, do it because you want to. This is a major decision, and I would not factor in too much of what your current wife or potential future wife may want.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

If she doesnt want anymore she should get her tubes tied. It is what I did for exactly the same thought processes you have, the what ifs and guess what, what if is looking like more of a when and not an if.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You can also get your vasectomy reversed if your marriage failed and you met another woman. Just sayin.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

6301 said:


> You can also get your vasectomy reversed if your marriage failed and you met another woman. Just sayin.


Depending on how they do it. If they take out a section it is much hardest to reverse. If they just do a simple snip it may be possible to reverse. I'm not a doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday inn express last night.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Thound said:


> Depending on how they do it. If they take out a section it is much hardest to reverse. If they just do a simple snip it may be possible to reverse. I'm not a doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday inn express last night.


:lol:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Take your time and think about it please. How is the marriage otherwise?


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I had the vasectomy, but before I did, I had plenty of sperm frozen....just in case things in my life changed dramatically. Having the vasectomy was a great decision in hind sight.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

If you are already in your 40's you will be in your 60's by the time the next baby is born assuming you impregnante someone today. You are setting up this younger child for long term elder care. Do you really want to be in your 50s raising a young kid? Those are the real questions you should be asking. On top of the fact that it is a simple office procedure for you, while it is major abdominal surgery for her. 

My STbX refused the vasectomy. To say I feel betrayed by the fact that his mid life crisis girlfriend is knocked up now is an understatement.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

What are the side effects of a vasectomy?


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> What are the side effects of a vasectomy?


I have had no side effects. The best thing is not having to worry about getting pregnant, and no more birth control. My stallion feels so much better without a condom on!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She doesn't want more children, you may if your marriage dissolves. Something long-lasting but not permanent and not requiring surgery may be the answer, at least until such time as the marriage becomes good and likely to last. I'd suggest an IUD for her. Offer to get a vasectomy at the time it needs to be replaced (7 to 10 years? - assuming you are still together).


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> What are the side effects of a vasectomy?


No more babies
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

There are no changes except, sperm is not introduced into the ejaculate. The short term discomfort for me was the stitches drying out and hair regrowing. I felt like there was a herd of crotch hogs rooting in my drawers.
Just take it easy for a few days. 

I worked with a guy who had it done and felt great. He got home from the doctors office and saw his kids jumping rope, and decided to join them. Needless to say this was a mistake. He spent a week in bed with pain killers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Thound said:


> There are no changes except, sperm is not introduced into the ejaculate. The short term discomfort for me was the stitches drying out and hair regrowing. I felt like there was a herd of crotch hogs rooting in my drawers.
> Just take it easy for a few days.
> 
> I worked with a guy who had it done and felt great. He got home from the doctors office and saw his kids jumping rope, and decided to join them. Needless to say this was a mistake. He spent a week in bed with pain killers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OUCH!:slap:


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

gdtm0111 said:


> I question my decision because I wonder, what if we divorce and I meet someone younger that wants children.


Don't do it. I had mine at 40 with no regrets. Like you, my marriage has issues, but I know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I would not want more kids with my W, or any other woman. 


committed4ever said:


> What are the side effects of a vasectomy?


Usually none, and none for me.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

gdtm0111 said:


> I still feel young and we've had several issues in our marriage. I question my decision because I wonder, what if we divorce and I meet someone younger that wants children.





thunderstruck said:


> Don't do it. I had mine at 40 with no regrets. Like you, my marriage has issues, but I know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I would not want more kids with my W, or any other woman.


Agree with thunderstruck, it's not so much about what she wants as opposed to what YOU want. It's your body and you do have a choice. If she wants to come off BC, there are other methods of contraception that are available.

My ex asked if I would get one back when we were married, same reason that she had been on BC for years and wanted to come off. I love my children but I knew that I did not want any more. So I went and had it done. That was back when I was 31 and I don't regret it to this day.

As another noted, even if you do go out an find some young hot thing, do you really want to be raising young kids in your 50's?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I got one. Best thing I ever did. It makes sex completely stress free. My wife commented that she no longer has any worries about getting pregnant. Also, we thought we were having good sex but it turns out she wanted it even more when she got off the pill. We had no idea that it was effecting her in that way.

I got the no scapel vasectomy so I did not get stitches and there is no noticeable scarring.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

C3156 said:


> As another noted, even if you do go out an find some young hot thing, do you really want to be raising young kids in your 50's?


Ughhhh.....I work with so many older execs that are in their mid fifties and have elementary school age kids at home. I can't help but think the house full of kids makes them regret leaving wife number one for wife number two.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I got mine done over 10 years ago and never regretted it. I did not want any more kids ever. The only thing that did bother me was the fact that in my state, a man must have written spousal consent if married in order to have it done. Funny that women don't need their husbands consent to go on birth control...


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> The only thing that did bother me was the fact that in my state, a man must have written spousal consent if married in order to have it done.


Bizarre that that hasn't gone away.

In my case, the doc just asked me to bring W along for the initial consultation.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

gdtm0111 said:


> I still feel young and we've had several issues in our marriage. I question my decision because I wonder, what if we divorce and I meet someone younger that wants children. We have not had the best marriage.
> 
> Maybe it's the better idea, and it certainly would be easier on her not having to use BC.


Maybe you should have a serious discussion with her about the state of your marriage, since what YOU are thinking is you might divorce and remarry to someone else who might have children, and what SHE is thinking is about your joint future and not having more children together.

You two aren't talking about the same situation when talking about vasectomy. Does she know you're thinking about divorce and remarriage?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

If you think you may still want kids don't get a vasectomy. By Condoms from Costco, use spermicide, and the pull out method.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You want more kids at 40???? Lol


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

6301 said:


> You can also get your vasectomy reversed if your marriage failed and you met another woman. Just sayin.


Much easier said than done. The success rates are fairly low after five years. My AxW said the same thing to me. That she didnt want any more children. What she really meant, was, that she didnt want (me) to have any more children (with anybody else).


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I do remember after my vasectomy, the nurse told me to make sure I ejaculated 20 times and then get checked before PIV sex with my wife. 

My wife was so happy about the vasectomy that she went with me to give me a "helping hand" and "inspiration" while supplying the final semen sample for testing. That was a very memorable day.  Sorry if this is TMI...


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> What are the side effects of a vasectomy?


It changes the taste so says my wife (ha ha)
I have been snipped for 12 years, after 3 kids I was finished, and others here are right it takes away any worry about babies no more pills, condoms. I think it may increase your frequency especially if you use condoms.
A funny story a few months after I had it done a friend asks me about it (the process, pain, etc.) so I told him, the last question he asked is if you are still able to have well let's just say the money shot. He wasn't sure if anything still came out during orgasm mainly because his wife didn't want him to have it if *that* didn't happen at the end. Teased them for a long time after that.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> I do remember after my vasectomy, the nurse told me to make sure I ejclated 20 times and then get checked before sx with my wife.


Heh. That was a fun time. 

"C'mon, hon, I'm trying to get to 20 here. Doc's orders." :bringiton:


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

My husband was 41 when we had our first together i was 31. After our son was born i wanted to get fixed, but the hospital wouldn't do it. I am pregnant again, due in December with a baby girl. I am happy that I didn't get my tubes tied then, but after this one i am going to as soon and baby is born, my dr is going to do it then and there. I am done having babies..

If you know that you don't want anymore, then go for it, but if you are unsure then don't do it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

committed4ever said:


> What are the side effects of a vasectomy?


Sex without worry. Sex without interruptions for birth control. No more hearing complaints from the wife about the pill.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

At 40, I was ready to hand the daddy role over to someone else. If you do have the parenting urge at 45, there are thousands of kids who need foster parents. I really wouldn't want to be dealing with teenager drama when I'm 60.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Lol! I spent a weekend with frozen peas between my legs!

It was a good decision for me. No regrets. I told this lady I was dating I had a vasectomy, just so she knew and could make her own decisions on the relationship. Holy fk! It was like an aphrodisiac to her. Crazy ass monkey sex galore!

However, I was the .1 % that didn't have a good surgery experience.

Doctr: makes incision...
Me: OWWWW! WHAT THE FK!
Doctor: You can feel that?
Me: You fkn think?!!!!
Doctor: oh. Maybe we need more local...
Me: You fkn think!!! Bageesus!

Too late! Intense pain....didn't go away....and used lots of bags of frozen peas that weekend...


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

My husband had this done a while ago. It's the best thing for us. We're done with our family. No more unplanned pregnancies (that's happened to us..who knew I was so fertile even with birth control..). He had the dissolvable stitches. The recovery was easy. He didn't have any side effects either. Plus, it's easier for a man to get a vasectomy done than a woman to get her tubes tied. It's more invasive for her.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP, as you have said there are problems in your marriage but not specified what they are could I just add a note of caution? 

Having a Vasectomy does not mean your wife can not get pregnant it just means that you cannot get her (or any other women) pregnant. If a sexually active woman wants to make sure see does not fall pregnant but does not want to use other forms of birth control then the safest bet is for her to get her tubes tide / cut.

BTW my youngest child was born when I was 45 and I am enjoying being a father to a young child again.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Thound said:


> The short term discomfort for me was the stitches drying out and hair regrowing. I felt like there was a herd of crotch hogs rooting in my drawers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Childbirth would have killed you....


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> there are thousands of kids who need foster parents. QUOTE]
> 
> Our two oldest were in college when we started down the adoption road.
> 
> ...


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Plus, it's easier for a man to get a vasectomy done than a woman to get her tubes tied.


It's not exactly fun to have your guys injected and sliced open, and to later smell your insides being cauterized, but you're probably correct here.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> It's not exactly fun to have your guys injected and sliced open, and to later smell your insides being cauterized, but you're probably correct here.


I had 2 c-sections...not exactly fun to have major surgery at the same time you give birth....

Hubs had a V after I did the birthing the hard way. Seems fair to me...especially since he wanted to continue to have sex.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> It's not exactly fun to have your guys injected and sliced open, and to later smell your insides being cauterized, but you're probably correct here.



That reminds me....during my vasectomy, the ONLY thing that I found very odd was the smell and small amount of smoke I witnessed when they cauterized the tubes. I had no idea this was going to happen, but it was no big deal.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

LonelyinLove said:


> Hubs had a V after I did the birthing the hard way. Seems fair to me...especially since he wanted to continue to have sx.


No argument here...and yes, good incentive.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

gdtm0111 said:


> She wants to go off birth control plus she does not want any more children. I'm 40 years old.
> 
> Is it easier/better to figure I should not have any more children at this age?
> 
> ...


I had mine done in my late 30's. We both don't want kids and right now I could never imagine a scenario where I would want them, with her or anyone else. 

The reversal rate is about 60%, but don't get it done thinking reversal is an option. Consider it a permanent thing.

The procedure is not bad at all and a few days of soreness beats the hell out of wearing condoms for the rest of your life.

Another option to consider is adoption, or foster parenting. There are tons of kids who don't have loving homes. If you have the need to love on a kid that could be an option for you as well. I actually feel more strongly about fostering than having our own (which is zero for that). 

As far as your marriage, if you think there is even a hint that your marriage problems now might be contributing to you not wanting kids then wait. My wife and I have a lot of problems too, sex being the big one, but I honestly don't feel those problems are causing me to not want kids with my wife. It's an individual assessment that only you can answer. Have a few honest sit down discussions with your wife, no distractions and talk about it seriously. Both of you should agree to think about it and then agree to reconvene in a month to talk about it some more. Talk about it, again no distractions, and share what you both are feeling about not having any more kids. The bonus here is talking and sharing your feelings will help you both communicate and might help with other areas of your marriage. 

For me I gave it 2 years. I wanted to do it earlier (like when I was early 30's). We were in the thick of our marriage problems but I tried to talk to her about it objectively. I would bring it up ever 2-3 months and ask her if her heart had changed about wanting to get pregnant. After 2 years, then I made the appointment without her approval (or disapproval). It was just the consultation and I didn't schedule the procedure. I shared with her everything and she agreed to think some more on it. A couple months later she had a pregnancy scare and then told me she was on board. I got it done and glad I did.

Also, I am some 6+ months out from the procedure and our sex life hasn't gotten any better (or worse). Sex itself is more enjoyable for me, but the problems around it haven't resolved themselves.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

In my case, good marriage or bad it may just be the best choice for me. She's going with me to the consultation.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

gdtm0111 said:


> In my case, good marriage or bad it may just be the best choice for me. She's going with me to the consultation.


Good luck, let us know how it goes.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I am 37 and have 2 kids. Ive been considered having vasectomy since child No.2 .

I am going in to hospital for it next Thursday.

Even if I were to divorce whoever I met in the future would have to be someone who doesn't want kids. I am done with kids. Love mine to bits but I don't want more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

Coming from a woman's point of view.....my husband told me he would get a vasectomy after the triplets were born. I was fine for that. After the girls were born.....he chickened right out.
So...I decided to go under the knife and get my tubes tied. Honestly.....for me...getting sliced and diced was a whole lot easier to face than getting pregnant again.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

LonelyinLove said:


> I had 2 c-sections...not exactly fun to have major surgery at the same time you give birth....
> 
> Hubs had a V after I did the birthing the hard way. Seems fair to me...especially since he wanted to continue to have sex.


I've had a c-section too and that's major surgery. His vasectomy was an outpatient procedure. He went in and came back after like 2 hours. I did cringe hearing about the smell during his procedure. That sounded awful, but he took it in stride. He said the weirdest part was having to be sort of spread eagled and I told him he's lucky he doesn't have to get annual pap smears because that would have been a piece of cake for a woman.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

There are some concerns about vasectomies. It is rare but you can develop an auto immune reaction if your sperm get into the bloodstream. The body recognizes the sperm as foreign and gears up to fight them but the sperm are carrying your DNA. Like I said it is rare.

Reversals are difficult because - well - you have blocked up the body's plumbing. Crystalization takes place in the vas deferens and the epididymis.

In my opinion - and this is only my opinion - a woman should get her tubes tied. It is a much simpler procedure than it used to be - even though it is still considered to be major surgery - and only one egg is produced a month. This is easily reabsorbed by the body.

I know some women site the risks of the procedure but there are risks all around, whether it is a vasectomy, a pregnancy, or getting your tubes tied.

I know... spoken like a true man...

I dated a few women who had it done and they loved the fact that they did not have to worry about getting pregnant anymore. 

Obviously, if you are a woman and your partner gets a vasectomy your protection will only last as long as the relationship lasts. The point being that the responsibility to get something permanent done should rest with whoever decides they are definitely done with having children.


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