# 1 heart, a billion pieces



## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

I've been married for 18 years and just found out my wife has been having an affair with a co-worker for 8 - 10 month (as I put more together is gets longer and longer) Full blown affair, love sex everything. She did this to me before about 5 years ago. However she swears there was no sex. She admitted to kissing on the beach after my relentless pursuit of the whole truth. I know she was lying. If she would do it now why not then? Plus like another member said, sorry forgot their handle :/, "I hate to tell you, she was having sex, snuggeling? what is she is middle school?" just add kissing. I have also caught her in the past chatting online in an inappropriate way with men. So this is strike three! Or a walk of grand slam. I don't think I can do this anymore with her. To make matters worse she sits at the same exact table as this guy and was texting him weeks after she told me she broke all contact with him. To help justify the affair she kicked me out of the house 6 months ago. We have had our problems in the past, I was not perfect but like any strong couple we kept plowing through. I knew nothing of the affair at that time however I was catching on to something going on and questions her "we are only friends" she said. The kiss of death. She said she has been married since she was 18 and needed a "break". I warned her many times that just because we are separated we are still married. I'm a fool and I cried for her almost every night when I was away. I find out about it and now she loves me again and want to try and work things out. Then she wants me out of her life again saying I was feeling guilty so I wanted you back but now I'm sure I want you out of my life. Now two weeks ago she loves me more than anything in the world and wants to work on things? I'm not so sure I do anymore. I do love her with all my heart and sole but I can't waste another year. I have two boys, 14 and 17, I don't want them to get hurt by this :/ I'm 38 and have been married since I was 19. I feel I may have missed out on things but have been in love and dedicated to my wife always knowing that is better than the single life. Being 38 now I feel it is going to be impossible to find a loving great girl to be with. I have no idea how to talk to woman and be assertive enough to get them interested in me. I never had too so of course I didn't. My wife is very attractive and for some stupid reason that is one of my reasons for maybe trying to work it out. I know, stupid but these are feelings and I cant ignore them. There is also the comfort factor. It's easier to stay. When I was away I wanted more than anything in the world to back with her. Now she wants me back and to work things out and I am leaning towards no. I can't get hurt again, heartache is the worst pain in the world. I'm on a crazy emotional roller coster and I just want it to stop one way or the other. Please help, I have no one to talk to about this and any advice would be awesome!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you living back in YOUR house with YOUR kids? - if not move back in and into your bed in your bedroom. - her opinion on this doesn't matter.

Has she ended contact with him fully?

Do you have full open access to her phone, email, where abouts? - if not then the affair is still fully going.


btw - 38 yr old guy will actually do just fine out there - there a lots of single women who've dumped their cheating husbands and are looking for a good guy to move on with.


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

Easier to stay but going insane and losing all your dignity can be easy too. Don't do the easy thing, do the right thing. She is a cheater and didn't learn her lesson the first time. She doesn't deserve a second chance. Don't you see that even IF you two worked it out that you would go through life never trusting her again? Move on and find yourself someone who is faithful and respectful. Sorry for your pain.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If you do not respect yourself then who wil?: Have the both of you been tested for STD's? Sorry but you are the door prize. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would have been so accepting as you have been?

She put your health at risk for 10 months screwing this guy behind your back and now knows that you will accept anything she does. She clearly has no problem humiliating and disrespecting you in the worst possible way. You know she will probably do it again. Why would she respect a husband that would forgive her for this? She is now toxic to you. Good luck.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Are you living back in YOUR house with YOUR kids? - if not move back in and into your bed in your bedroom. - her opinion on this doesn't matter.
> 
> 
> Has she ended contact with him fully?
> ...


yes I'm home now. No she hasn't she works in an open room at work and they sit and work together at the same table. I know I'm just in that 20 years in a relationship and am so scared to go out into the "real" world again. They say there is life after divorce but I never thought it would be me.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

bryanp said:


> If you do not respect yourself then who wil?: Have the both of you been tested for STD's? Sorry but you are the door prize. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would have been so accepting as you have been?
> 
> She put your health at risk for 10 months screwing this guy behind your back and now knows that you will accept anything she does. She clearly has no problem humiliating and disrespecting you in the worst possible way. You know she will probably do it again. Why would she respect a husband that would forgive her for this? She is now toxic to you. Good luck.


Yes and I find out her best friend was screwing him right before she was. I guess my wife is more into the love and emotional side of it as much as the sex so that is why it lasted a very long time. Her friend on the other hand is banging anything that moves and I know the number has to be in the dozens. She is married too and I am very close friends with her husband and it kills me every time I see them together. I probably should get tested :/ I don't know what I'll do if I find out I have something. My wife is still best friends with this girl and this girl isn't going to quit, ever. Birds of a feather. My wife swears she won't do it again. She said she won't risk it. Doesn't that mean you want to do it still but you just won't?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Has the cheating friend been exposed to her husband?

Have you exposed the OM?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Have you exposed this affair at work and to the OMW if there is one? The following should be *NON NEGOTIABLE*:


Has she written the NC letter?
*She absolutely MUST quit that job*. As long as she sees him, the affair is still on in her heart AND you will NEVER be able to very NC.
She has to immediately *drop the TF*
She must be absolutely *transparent*.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I do not understand why you have not exposed the cheating friend to her husband since you are a friend to the husband? You say she bangs anything that moves so the chances are good that she will give him an STD. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want to be told?

You make an excellent point about your wife saying it is not worth the risk. It means she would want to do it but does not want to ruin her meal ticket. This is not true remorse. See an attorney and stop her from continuing to make you look like a fool. Good luck.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

You need to set up and enforce boundaries. She needs to know that you won't tolerate this behavior. The very minimum you need to demand from her is:

1) Quit her job
2) Give up her friend that screws anything that moves

These would be deal breakers. If she won't agree, then move on.

Also, if the OM is married or has a girl friend, tell them that he has been cheating with your wife. Tell your friend that his wife has been cheating on him.

You either need to set up firm boundaries and ensure your wife knows you will divorce her if she doesn't adhere to these boundaries. Or you need to divorce her. If you allow her back without boundaries, she has shown you that she will just cheat again.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Has the cheating friend been exposed to her husband?
> 
> Have you exposed the OM?


No She hasn't and I there is no way in the world I'm going to expose it. She will run out of luck sooner or later. I can't feel responsible for firing the ball of uranium. I would like her out of my wife's life but if this doesn't work out then I will walk away from all of it.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Have you exposed this affair at work and to the OMW if there is one? The following should be *NON NEGOTIABLE*:
> 
> 
> Has she written the NC letter?
> ...


Okay so, I have to apologize, I'm a newb and I have NO idea what a OMW, NC letter or NC and TF mean? sorry once I know I can answer you!


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

Like you said, "strike three." 

I would've dismissed her at strike one, but hey... to each his own, right?

You say her friend was banging him too. This is even more insulting. Your wife- knowing that her friend was a notch on his belt- actually let herself be taken-in by him also.

This guy is having the time of his life at your expense, and her friends' husband.

If you're so close to her husband, then you got to let him know what's going on. You don't have to tell him what a tramp she really is, but you got to tell him she was banging this particular guy.

If I were you, I'd be ready to regulate on OM's ass.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

bryanp said:


> I do not understand why you have not exposed the cheating friend to her husband since you are a friend to the husband? You say she bangs anything that moves so the chances are good that she will give him an STD. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want to be told?
> 
> You make an excellent point about your wife saying it is not worth the risk. It means she would want to do it but does not want to ruin her meal ticket. This is not true remorse. See an attorney and stop her from continuing to make you look like a fool. Good luck.


Ya it puts me in a SUPER hard spot. I didn't do ANYTHING to deserve all this drama. I hate drama. I just want a simple mostly normal life. That's what I thought I had. I've been sucked into a darn desperate house wives season!! Not that is matters one bit but this are highly educated, intelligent, beautiful people doing this. I thought I was doing everything right. Wow. I just don't have the heart to tell him. I just don't


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Wish you would expose friend affairs to her husband.......wouldn't you want to know.....do it secretly
_Posted via Mobile Device_

You could be actually saving his life!


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## myelw316 (Nov 18, 2011)

omw means 'other mans wife'
nc is 'no contact'
I am in the same position, I believe, 18 1/2 years with my H...he had an EA (emotional affair) that I believe turned into a PA (physical affair).
Believe me, I know what you mean how hard this is.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

your story is exactly mine.
my wife cheated on me 3 times i know of and i suspect at least few more over 14 years.
i heard all the things you are hearing.
she would tell me to get out, she needs space while she is with these guys but as soon as she is 'available' they want nothing to do with her and she would come running back to me.
the job change does nothing.
her last lost the account where she worked over the affair being exposed to her boss.
i also left a note on om door to his wife telling her to tell om hi from me and my ex wife.
so she grilled him and found out too.
they still kept things going until i finally had enough and left for good.
wouldnt you know, as soon as i left, he dumped her. :rofl:
she wanted to get back together again and i would have nothing to do with it this time.
i dont see a serial cheater changing.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> Okay so, I have to apologize, I'm a newb and I have NO idea what a OMW, NC letter or NC and TF mean? sorry once I know I can answer you!


OMW - Other Man's Wife - if he is married. 

NC - No Contact - Can not contact OM (other man) by phone, text, Facebook, nothing. Hard to do if she sees him every day.

NC Letter - Letter to other man written by wife and approved and sent by you stating she is done with him and he is not to contact her in any way. Others on the site can provide good examples. Again - not much point in this if she sees him every day at work.

TF - Toxic Friend - the girl who is supporting of enabling the affair. Covering for her, introducing her to other men, telling her to go for relationships outside of marriage - or in your case providing an example of how to be a cheating *****.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You say she did the same thing 5 years ago?

She is a serial cheater. She wants you as a security blanket or financial support or babysitter while she lives a single live.

Don't fall for it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

As difficult as it is, I think you need to pull the plug on this one. If you look up the stats on cheaters, serial cheaters rarely stop.

Chances are that you will go through this again at a time in the future. If you stay married to her you will be in a constant state of vigilance. Moreover, she will more careful about hiding her cheating so you may not even know you are being exposed to STD's.

This is a terrible situation for you now but, I think if you go through the pain now and get rid of her, you will avoid 100's of wounds in the future. In less than a year, you will be happy you got out. Walk away with your dignity, don't let her destroy you physically and mentally. 

No matter what she says, she is a serial cheater, she does not have the character nor the desire to forgo her pleasure to save you are your kids pain. She will do it again and again if the opportunity presents itself.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

JustaJerk said:


> Like you said, "strike three."
> 
> I would've dismissed her at strike one, but hey... to each his own, right?
> 
> ...


I know totally messed up right!! She said it was a mistake!? How can any of this be a mistake. Was is a mistake for 10 months? They planned every business trip together and they aren't even in the same group. They went away to california and florida several times. More trips in 1 year then the previous 6. Whoops, made a mistake. What? Yes I have so much anger. Here is where is gets better. So we go on this trip to NY city for this marathon race. He goes. I forced myself into going because my son was running it for the first time and there was no way in hell I was going to miss it. She tried to convince me why it wouldn't be a good idea to go. I went. The OM (still not sure what that means  was there. He disappeared from the group and didn't show up all day. At the end of the day my wife convinces him to go out with us!? She runs up to him saying yeah and gives him a big hug? Is this really even happing right now? Then she introduces me to him. Now I'm 6'1" 230 lbs solid as a rock. I was staring down at him as he had the balls to shake my hand. He didn't like the eye contact at all. I thought this guy was a different person she worked with. There is another person she works with that has the same exact last name. He is unattractive and over weight which is fine and everything but my wife is a solid 9 so I was like it all seems to add up but there is no way, just no way. Well when I finally saw this guy for the first time, no prize by any stretch, but more fitting of the bill I instantly knew it. Bam right there. The next day I started dragging the truth out of my wife. I still don't have the whole story. As I put events, memories, emails etc. together it grows and grows. I thought about taking this guy out but at 140 lbs soaking wet I'm afraid I won't know how hard to actually hit him and not kill him. Two wrongs don't make a right either and I am walking out of this the bigger person. I'm so messed up right now and it hurts SOOOO bad.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> OMW - Other Man's Wife - if he is married.
> 
> NC - No Contact - Can not contact OM (other man) by phone, text, Facebook, nothing. Hard to do if she sees him every day.
> 
> ...


Ok got it, seems so simple once you know what it is  Ya all of those things are very much in place. I have his email and I think I'm going to write him a little NC of my own. Every time I try to talk to my wife about this she starts crying or says she is getting very anxious please stop. She says how long are you going to punish me (it's been 4 weeks). She is turning herself into the victim. A role she plays all to well. She actually has me feeling bad that I want to do these things. Ugggggg


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> Ya it puts me in a SUPER hard spot. I didn't do ANYTHING to deserve all this drama. I hate drama. I just want a simple mostly normal life. That's what I thought I had. I've been sucked into a darn desperate house wives season!! Not that is matters one bit but this are highly educated, intelligent, beautiful people doing this. I thought I was doing everything right. Wow. I just don't have the heart to tell him. I just don't


He is not your friend. His cheating wife is your friend. That's why you are enabling her adultery. I wish he actually had a friend. If you had broke this sh1t up when you first heard about what was going on with these people everyone would be better off now.

You might as well be supplying married women for this low life
to scr*w. Everyone needs to know what is going on at this company. Out them all to HR. 

Number one, grow a backbone. Start reading here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

You have to realize by covering this up you are no better than they are.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> Ok got it, seems so simple once you know what it is  Ya all of those things are very much in place. I have his email and I think I'm going to write him a little NC of my own. Every time I try to talk to my wife about this she starts crying or says she is getting very anxious please stop. She says how long are you going to punish me (it's been 4 weeks). She is turning herself into the victim. A role she plays all to well. She actually has me feeling bad that I want to do these things. Ugggggg


dont let her get to you.
stick with your plan.
if this one gets smoothed over like the rest, she will continue doing the same over and over.

the way i look at it is the om did nothing to you, he owes you nothing in life.
your wife decided to do this, she owes you everything. she did this to you, not him.
if you do anything to him, it will solve nothing.
and she will stick up for him guaranteed.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

chapparal said:


> He is not your friend. His cheating wife is your friend. That's why you are enabling her adultery. I wish he actually had a friend. If you had broke this sh1t up when you first heard about what was going on with these people everyone would be better off now.
> 
> You might as well be supplying married women for this low life
> to scr*w. Everyone needs to know what is going on at this company. Out them all to HR.
> ...


Ya you are right. I just found out 4 weeks ago in all fairness. One needs time to think rationally and plan what the best choices are. I'm getting to this point now. At first I just wanted to round everyone up and kick the s*** out of all of them! And now that I know about my wives TF other things now make sense. I think my friend already knows. In fact I'm sure he does now. He is just dealing with it for one reason or the other. I'm going to ask him some innocent questions, feel him out then work it in. No details but I will let him know from others who work there that I'm almost 100% certain. This place happend to be one of the three biggest pharmaceuticals in the world so I'm sure with over 100,000 employees this is no shock to them.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> Every time I try to talk to my wife about this she starts crying or says she is getting very anxious please stop. She says how long are you going to punish me (it's been 4 weeks). She is turning herself into the victim. A role she plays all to well. She actually has me feeling bad that I want to do these things.


Don't let her act affect your response- *she's manipulating you*.

This is the same woman who had the gall to introduce you to her lover at your son's competition- REMEMBER!

She sounds very conniving.



> I'm going to write him a little NC of my own.


You can write him 1M letters, but if she doesn't do it herself, its not going to work. _She's_ the one who needs to do this for you... for the sake of the marriage. I still don't see how you take her back with all the BS she's put you through.

Is this POS married?


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

I've been to educational seminars with pharmaceutical employees. Didn't know there were so many "freaks" that work for big pharm! Makes sense though, lots of opportunities to cheat on the road.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> I know totally messed up right!! She said it was a mistake!? How can any of this be a mistake. Was is a mistake for 10 months? They planned every business trip together and they aren't even in the same group. They went away to california and florida several times. More trips in 1 year then the previous 6. Whoops, made a mistake. What? Yes I have so much anger. Here is where is gets better. So we go on this trip to NY city for this marathon race. He goes. I forced myself into going because my son was running it for the first time and there was no way in hell I was going to miss it. She tried to convince me why it wouldn't be a good idea to go. I went. The OM (still not sure what that means  was there. He disappeared from the group and didn't show up all day. At the end of the day my wife convinces him to go out with us!? She runs up to him saying yeah and gives him a big hug? Is this really even happing right now? Then she introduces me to him. Now I'm 6'1" 230 lbs solid as a rock. I was staring down at him as he had the balls to shake my hand. He didn't like the eye contact at all. I thought this guy was a different person she worked with. There is another person she works with that has the same exact last name. He is unattractive and over weight which is fine and everything but my wife is a solid 9 so I was like it all seems to add up but there is no way, just no way. Well when I finally saw this guy for the first time, no prize by any stretch, but more fitting of the bill I instantly knew it. Bam right there. The next day I started dragging the truth out of my wife. I still don't have the whole story. As I put events, memories, emails etc. together it grows and grows. I thought about taking this guy out but at 140 lbs soaking wet I'm afraid I won't know how hard to actually hit him and not kill him. Two wrongs don't make a right either and I am walking out of this the bigger person. I'm so messed up right now and it hurts SOOOO bad.


I think you should have broken his nose as part of the price to pay for him screwing your W! But then again, I'm playing laptop gangsta today!


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> I'm going to ask him some innocent questions, feel him out then work it in. No details but I will let him know from others who work there that I'm almost 100% certain.


Dude... you're p*ssyfooting again- be direct and _to-the-point_.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but for as big a guy you are, you're acting like a wuss... sorry. You need to man-up.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

And, I'm not a laptop gangsta. I just don't give a [email protected]#$ when someone disrespects me like that.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

JustaJerk said:


> Don't let her act affect your response- *she's manipulating you*.
> 
> This is the same woman who had the gall to introduce you to her lover at your son's competition- REMEMBER!
> 
> ...


I've loved this woman with all my heart and soul for the last 20 years of my life. I started dating her my Jr. year of high school. This is NOT easy. Yes the POS (I knew that one!) is married and has three young kids. What a disgusting POS. And my wife went for this guy? He, in every way, is only 1/4 of the man I am. What was she thinking? I always knew she had this hunger for the dating thing. The excitement, the newness etc. etc. she will never be content or happy. She's addicted like one is addicted to crack.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

Expose! Expose! Expose!


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> dont let her get to you.
> stick with your plan.
> if this one gets smoothed over like the rest, she will continue doing the same over and over.
> 
> ...


OMG your right. I tried to contact the OM's wife. I know she didn't see it and he intercepted it, don't know for sure but definitely looks that way, He told my wife I tried to do this and she stuck up for him!!!! saying it was a really ****ty thing to do and do you want to make him hurt just because you are. YES!! But I did concede in the end that I will hold my chin up and be the bigger person in all of this when I walk away. I'll have help up my end of the deal!


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

mdg_hope said:


> Ok got it, seems so simple once you know what it is  Ya all of those things are very much in place. I have his email and I think I'm going to write him a little NC of my own. Every time I try to talk to my wife about this she starts crying or says she is getting very anxious please stop. She says how long are you going to punish me (it's been 4 weeks). She is turning herself into the victim. A role she plays all to well. She actually has me feeling bad that I want to do these things. Ugggggg


 Don't fall for it and feel bad...she made her bed! This is manipulation on her part. You SHOULD expose every single person and spouse involved! She did wrong not you but YOU have every right to react and put a stop to her games before more ppl get hurt.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

The real "sh!tty" thing here is that they're having an affair... did you mention that to her. 

I'm sorry, but you've got a real class act here. 

Try contacting the wife again. Go to her house if you have to. This needs to be done. You're gonna get a sh!t storm over it, but they're to blame for the fallout.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> OMG your right. I tried to contact the OM's wife. I know she didn't see it and he intercepted it, don't know for sure but definitely looks that way, He told my wife I tried to do this and she stuck up for him!!!! saying it was a really ****ty thing to do and do you want to make him hurt just because you are. YES!! But I did concede in the end that I will hold my chin up and be the bigger person in all of this when I walk away. I'll have help up my end of the deal!


Her reaction is just typical cheating spouse reaction to this. They want to protect the affair partner because they both worry about them, and they fear the OM will hold this against them and hate them.

Frankly, anything that upsets a WS like this shows you that it is very much the correct thing to do to help end the affair.

Common ways of contacting the OMW are to get her cell phone number using a PI. One oft the mst effective ways is to write a hand written letter and deliver it in person to her. Give her your cell number in the letter, saying to call you if she wants to ask or talk about anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also if they had been playing games and scheduling trips to meet up, contact her boss and hr and inform them.

Look, this might seem like you going after revenge, but it's not. It's you taking steps to expose the affair and ending their ability to lie and sneak around.

If you don't do this, the affair will not end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

^Right on the money, Shaggy. You deserve a Scoobie Snack, my brotha


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> OMG your right. I tried to contact the OM's wife. I know she didn't see it and he intercepted it, don't know for sure but definitely looks that way, He told my wife I tried to do this and she stuck up for him!!!! saying it was a really ****ty thing to do and do you want to make him hurt just because you are. YES!! But I did concede in the end that I will hold my chin up and be the bigger person in all of this when I walk away. I'll have help up my end of the deal!


With your wife going to POSOM's defense and trying to blame shift to you says that the affair is far from over in spite of all the "mistakes", "sorry" and other crap you are getting from your wife.

Do not stop until the POSOM's wife knows about it.

Expose the TF's behavior to her husband.

Remember, the 3 times you listed here are only the ones you caught her in. Odds are she is just like her girl friend and there have been others that you did not know about. This is where talking to the girl friend's husband can help you. HE may know more about your wife's affairs than you do.

Next move - talk to a lawyer. Quick.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

The only way to stop the affair is by exposing it to the OM's wife. By not doing this it allows the affair to continue and go underground. It also sends a clear message to the OM that he will not get in trouble for later on continuing to have sex with your wife. Good grief what are you thinking? No consequences to their actions equals no motivation to change for the both of them. It is time to man up. You may be big but you are reacting small to her 10 month screwing around on you.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

And, I would recommend you show up on POSOM's wifes doorstep while your W and POS are at work. 

Look up Seangar's posts to see an example of exposing to the spouse of your W's lover if you aren't sure you can contact them. This put a real big damper on his W's affair and turned things around. Also - exposure to HR may help. They maybe charging their affair expenses to company resources. This is a no-no too.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, the toxic friend is no doubt advising her on how to play this game of being caught , and going under ground.

Another reason to talk to the husband friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Dadof3 said:


> And, I would recommend you show up on POSOM's wifes doorstep while your W and POS are at work.
> 
> Look up Seangar's posts to see an example of exposing to the spouse of your W's lover if you aren't sure you can contact them. This put a real big damper on his W's affair and turned things around. Also - exposure to HR may help. They maybe charging their affair expenses to company resources. This is a no-no too.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

The affair needs to be exposed alright to the OMW. Seangar looked and looked and he went right up to OMW house. And as what happens most of the time, the OM promptly threw his WW under the bus because he was scrambling to save his own marriage as a result of the exposure.

Shamwow did it too, and the list goes on. This is a workplace affair, right? Yup, to HR too.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Don't let her attractiveness be a reason to stay with her. You already bagged an attractive girl, what makes you think you can't do it again. 

And the amazing thing is that instead of showing remorse for her actions she stuck up for the OM? That should be a red flag big enough. I fear though that you exhibit a classic case of nice guy syndrome.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> OMG your right. I tried to contact the OM's wife. I know she didn't see it and he intercepted it, don't know for sure but definitely looks that way, He told my wife I tried to do this and she stuck up for him!!!! saying it was a really ****ty thing to do and do you want to make him hurt just because you are. YES!! But I did concede in the end that I will hold my chin up and be the bigger person in all of this when I walk away. I'll have help up my end of the deal!


Absolutely wrong again, call his wife, she deserves to know exactly whatis going on behind her back. You won't find hardly anyone here that doesn't think she needs to be told. 

Also contact their HR, they were using company money and time.

She stuck up for him usually means they are still having an affair and have taken it underground.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

This is what they wanted to do. Now help them crash and burn. OM wants to go around and bang all the married women he works with so now let him feel the cost of it all. Call their personell dept asap.

By the way, when the OM"s wife is contacted , they are almost universally glad someone told them. She will probably make a comment that she knew something was going on but could not prove it.

Pluck this little roosters feathers!


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> Pluck this little roosters feathers!


Yup, yup... he needs to be _serrrrrved_.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Contact the HR Dept. Tell them "I have just found out that my wife is having an affair with POSOM. Over the last year she told me that she went on business trip to X on this date, Y on that date ..... I would like to know if these were legitimate business trips. Plus was POSOM authorized to go with her .. because he did.

HR will not care about the affair if they are just co-workers. But if one is a supervisor and the other is a subordinate, then it is a different story. This situation can develop into a sexual harassment law suite. Companies take this seriously.

Or if HR can prove one or both used company funds to carry on the affair, then all hell will break loose.


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## mdg_hope (Jan 6, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Contact the HR Dept. Tell them "I have just found out that my wife is having an affair with POSOM. Over the last year she told me that she went on business trip to X on this date, Y on that date ..... I would like to know if these were legitimate business trips. Plus was POSOM authorized to go with her .. because he did.
> 
> HR will not care about the affair if they are just co-workers. But if one is a supervisor and the other is a subordinate, then it is a different story. This situation can develop into a sexual harassment law suite. Companies take this seriously.
> 
> Or if HR can prove one or both used company funds to carry on the affair, then all hell will break loose.


Actually I don't care about any of that. Really don't care if they went on the company dime or not, I highly doubt they did. She has worked very hard for the job she has. 8+ years of school and hard work. It's not a jobby job. I can't take that away from her. She cheated on me not them. What I can take away from her is me and more and more I am realizing that is just what I should do. She's trying to pretend everything is just great again and we can work on things. I'm finding it harder and harder to love her like I once did. There is a history of this behavior. She doesn't give a s*** about me, how can she? I'll make sure her OM's wife finds out the WHOLE truth. I will have her write an email to him with me watching with what I feel is appropriate to end it as long as we are still married. She wants to downgrade to him after I leave her then nock your socks off. God knows they both deserve each other! When I leave she will suffer terribly but that wasn't my choice, it was hers so I can't feel bad for that.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

She needs to send an email to the other man's wife
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Sounds like you have come to the end of your rope with her. Good for you! Protect yourself legally and financially. From your thread you are now thinking clearly for the first time in over 5 years.

Good luck.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Absolutely do not let her know you are going to contact other mans
wife. She will tell him and he will warn his wife that you are nuts and having some kind of jealous, mental breakdown, ranting and raving. Sorry but this crap always goes through the same cheaters script.

Best of luck to your family.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

mdg_hope said:


> OMG your right. I tried to contact the OM's wife. I know she didn't see it and he intercepted it, don't know for sure but definitely looks that way, He told my wife I tried to do this and she stuck up for him!!!! saying it was a really ****ty thing to do and do you want to make him hurt just because you are. YES!! But I did concede in the end that I will hold my chin up and be the bigger person in all of this when I walk away. I'll have help up my end of the deal!


i parked down the street from om house and when he left for work and his wife took their kids to school bus stop, i made sure his wife saw me go to the door and put the note on so she would see it.

his wife obviously called him right away then he called my ex wife who gave him my cell number. within about 30-40 minutes of me putting the note on the door HE was texting ME not to [email protected] with HIS family :rofl:

sob would never actually talk, only hiding behind texting.

even after the first time i caught her and she informed om i knew, i was stupid enough to stick around to catch her in some form of contact 7 more times. (how many times does it take an idiot to figure out things just wont change)

dont put yourself in my position.

expose everyone involved to everybody that needs to know.

who cares about her job, she obviously didnt to start that in the first place.
didnt care about you or the family.
why should you care about what happens to her job from exposing it if she didnt.

i threatened my ex i would tell her boss if she didnt. she told them and the om lost the account at her place of work over it.

i say [email protected] them in the azz, who cares what happens to them and their jobs.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Time to get out, there is no remorse and who knows how many guys there have been over the years. You'll never know and you don't want to know anymore.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You are reacting out of hurt and betrayal. You are also talking yourself into doing nothing to disrupt the affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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