# Impotence



## Why me? (Jul 14, 2013)

My husband can't do it, WTH do I do about my needs?


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Your husband can't do what exactly?


----------



## ForBetter (Mar 6, 2012)

Urge him to visit his doctor and be checked out thoroughly. There are medical conditions that can cause impotence (for example, diabetes) and many categories of commonly used medications can also cause it as a side effect. 

If he checks out for other causes, have him visit his urologist for further testing. Impotence is treatable in most cases, and even if it is bad enough that meds cannot adequately treat it, there are implants for the worst cases.

In the meantime, explore other ways of giving and receiving sexual pleasure with each other, not just intercourse.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Well... i learned something new today.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes tell us more. 

What has been done to address the issue?

What's the communication between the two of you like? 

How is hubby coping with this?

This must be very upsetting and frustrating for both of you!


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If he has medical impotence, and Viagra / erection enhancers have no effect...his insurance MAY allow him to get a *Penile implant*...

But if you have a husband who has loss his will to care and please you, his ego has been hit so hard, he can't pick himself up off the ground.... this is another issue entirely... I feel much sympathy for the place you are in, I don't believe it would work for me...I would need a partner who cared enough to work through this together... doing anything he could, to maintain a sex life... or I'd have to get out.

There are books written by Sex therapists addressing when Intercourse is no longer possible.. 

 Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse Books


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ForBetter said:


> Urge him to visit his doctor and be checked out thoroughly. There are medical conditions that can cause impotence (for example, diabetes) and many categories of commonly used medications can also cause it as a side effect.
> 
> If he checks out for other causes, have him visit his urologist for further testing. Impotence is treatable in most cases, and even if it is bad enough that meds cannot adequately treat it, there are implants for the worst cases.
> 
> In the meantime, explore other ways of giving and receiving sexual pleasure with each other, not just intercourse.


:iagree:

But also there is a more serious side to this issue.
How old is your husband?
Does he smoke?
Is he a heavy drinker?
Is his lifestyle sedentary?
The health of a man's erection or his inability to maintain a firm erection is sometimes a barometer of his cardiovascular health.
Usually it's an early warning sign of cardiovascular issues and heart attack, depending on his age.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Does he masturbate? If he can get erections solo but not with you, then it's not a physical problem as much as a mental issue with how he's trained his brain to get turned on. 

Does he get erections in the morning? Also a sign of not having a physical but mental issue.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Why me? said:


> My husband can't do it, WTH do I do about my needs?


If meeting your needs are important to him as they are to you, he'll try different ways to meet them. 

If he doesn't try, you are sadly on your own. You accept the situation for what it is and make the best of it, or you can decide NOT to and leave him.


----------



## ForBetter (Mar 6, 2012)

It can still be a _physical_ problem, not necessarily a mental one, if the man can masturbate to orgasm but not be able to keep an erection for intercourse. 
He may have *venous leakage*. 

With venous leakage, blood enters the penis as usual to cause an erection but leaks out again, so the erection is lost when stimulation is interrupted (as it may be when changing positions to enter the woman.) 

Or, he may be able to keep it up with masturbation until he enters her, but if he receives insufficient stimulation from intercourse, the erection is lost due to the leakage.

Venous leakage can be diagnosed by the urologist. Tests are done to check the blood flow.

Treatment for leakage is an implant. Surgery to correct leakage doesn't work long term because the problem recurs.


----------



## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Hypothyroidism is a major cause of sexual dysfunction is men.


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

Why me? said:


> My husband can't do it, WTH do I do about my needs?


Since you're not bothering to explain anything it seems like you just want someone to back up what you're already thinking...


----------



## ForBetter (Mar 6, 2012)

Or she just needs time to think about how much to share on a public forum....


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Unless her husband's tongue and hands aren't working either, he can help her with her sexual needs. Unless he doesn't want to try because he's so down on himself. But if that's the case, then I'd think he'd want to go to a doctor and see what the causes and remedies might be. He could be selfish about it, I guess if he doesn't even want to try, which is a bigger marital issue.

It's hard to say what's what without any info.


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

ForBetter said:


> Or she just needs time to think about how much to share on a public forum....


It's possible. I probably jumped to conclusions but it's the first thing that popped into my mind.


----------



## Aaronsmid (Sep 5, 2013)

As a male I think I can safely say that this situation irrespective of its immediate cause will be hurting him as much as it is you, probably a lot more. That isn't an attempt to minimise the significance for you, of course the ramifications are life changing and deeply profound, however, as a loving partner your core response probably isn't simply to bale out and head for the nearest/next surrogate erection. I am sure that your support will be warmly rewarded.


----------



## ForBetter (Mar 6, 2012)

OP, here is a link to an excellent website that is dedicated to erectile dysfunction. It has articles and forums:

FrankTalk.org - Public talk for private times..

ED _can_ be overcome, but one of you has to take the initiative to bring about change. Perhaps your husband is discouraged at this point and doesn't realize things can improve. Since you are the one expressing dissatisfaction with the status quo, it may need to be you who raises the topic. 

If you make it clear that you still desire him and will work with him to restore a mutually satisfying sex life, together you can turn this thing around. It will take perseverance-- you may need to try different approaches until you find what works. The end result is worth it.

Good luck!


----------

