# Men how do you cope without sex?



## prince (Sep 9, 2011)

My wife just had our first baby two weeks ago. i understand we have to wait like six weeks before we resume sex. just want to learn from others' experience how do you cope during the wait?
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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

you may not want to expect it at the 6 week mark either, just saying, new baby is very stressful on mommy. be patient and understanding during this time, it could last awhile

i coped by picturing the things i witnessed in the delivery room....blech


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Just so you know, if she is breastfeeding, could throw another whammy into the mix...The overload of Prolactin messes with her sexual hormones & desire ....

Breastfeeding and Low Sex Drive - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

I was terribly horny during pregnancy (probably why husband didn't care how many kids we had) and afterwards, I couldn't wait to do it again, one of my gripes, broke down 2-3 weeks after each birth, against Doc's orders -but I had all C-sections so it was only a matter of pressure to the scar, a little different scenerio.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

We waited 2 weeks because I was fine-- no tears, no stitches, felt better. But it was my 2nd baby.

Give your wife a break! She just had a BABY. Why not focus on your wife's need for security and praise abotu being a new mother. Help with the baby, snuggle your wife without expecting sex.

My husband was so awesome after our daughter was born  He was such a good daddy and didn't pressure me for sex. THAT was a turn on in itself.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

prince said:


> My wife just had our first baby two weeks ago. i understand we have to wait like six weeks before we resume sex. just want to learn from others' experience how do you cope during the wait?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First of all - with a 2 week old - you should BOTH have your hands full at the moment.

Six weeks is intercourse. If your wife is getting enough rest, there's always oral and handjobs. Both ways of course - if she has an interest.

Or - for a few more weeks - get plenty of exercise and take a little extra time for yourself in the shower.

Take a look around the boards. Lots of people here going a lot longer than just 2 weeks for reasons that are a lot harder to understand.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

How do you cope?

This is a good time to connect emotionally with your wife. Recognize all the other ways she loves you and you love her. Take advantage of just holding her, feeling her heart, body and soul. If you can take this time to really connect with her, when you do start having sex again, it will be much more passionate.

Of course she is going to be tired, stressed, emotional, and a bit moody. *Be there to support her her*, don't push the intimacy too hard,if she is receptive, be there, if not, be there in other ways, show her what kind of man you can be. Do all that you can to make it eaiser for her, and your rewards will come later.

Of course you should be doing this all the time, but expecially now!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Dude it's a couple of months, deal with it
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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Uh ...with my hand


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I do without my wife at least every other month and sometimes I am out on the rig for as long as two months.

Not having sex for a few weeks will not kill you.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> First of all - with a 2 week old - you should BOTH have your hands full at the moment.
> 
> Six weeks is intercourse. If your wife is getting enough rest, there's always oral and handjobs. Both ways of course - if she has an interest.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


Your wife just pushed something bigger than a football out of her. Maybe if you help a lot and give her 5 mins to shower or relax it would relieve some of her stress and if she's in the mood some oral or a hand job may take place. You don't need to stick your p in her v to get off. there are always other ways.


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## prince (Sep 9, 2011)

Thanks all. i am very much there for her other ways. I am really not in a hurry just wanted to know what others do. she is even more interested than myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

prince said:


> Thanks all. i am very much there for her other ways. I am really not in a hurry just wanted to know what others do. she is even more interested than myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you're both interested, mutual masturbation is probably an option. And I remember one of the hottest weeks my GF and I had was a week of "no kissing" when she had strep throat. Talk about sexual tension! We took orgasms off the plate as well, and just drove each other crazy.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

If she is good to go then as soon as she gets the ok from her gyno. 

Be cautious. It may be painful at first upon entering and during the act and soreness after. If you are both not careful, she may be put off by pain no matter how horny she is. So go slow, have lube and maybe be prepared to stop and try stretching her with you fingers. Also, make sure she is warmed up before penetration. If she orgasms from oral, do that first. . 

Be patient and do the same thing that you did during dry spells when you were single. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

YES! Lube is important. After a baby, some women cannot get very wet (just a hormonal thing). My husband and I had to use lube for almost a year as my body wasn't matching up with my head. I was ready to go in my mind and felt horny, but I would be dry as a bone.

And like the other poster said, go slow. If she tore or was cut, it will be painful and may open up again (mine did from my 1st pregnancy)...it heals but it stings. Just be gentle...

Astroglide is awesome.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

RDJ said:


> How do you cope?
> 
> This is a good time to connect emotionally with your wife. Recognize all the other ways she loves you and you love her. Take advantage of just holding her, feeling her heart, body and soul. If you can take this time to really connect with her, when you do start having sex again, it will be much more passionate.
> 
> ...


Well said!:iagree:


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

You have it easy IF your wife is still into sex after the OK... deal with it.

It could be worse.... Just remember it can all shift on a dime at any moment! My advice to you is to not build resentments. Near impossible to do unfortunately. Don't ever coast!


I look at the whole marriage as a marathon so far 18.5 years into it.... the last two years have been HORRIBLE if I just base it off sex. We only had sex 5 times in 2010 and twice in 2011 so far. ED raised it's head from stress and she just wasn't into it as much as before. At two years into this mess I took calculated action to resolve it once and for all. The whole process took about a month. It's working. It's taken my best efforts.

I guess I just remember what was to help cope and keep an eye to the future which will be better. Its been a self-discovery process and my wife has gone through an emotional disconnect that she is now well on her way recovering from. I made myself clear what my expectations are if this marriage is to continue on so right now I'm hopeful that this month we'll have sex and continue on in a regular sex life. In fact I'm 95% certain we will have sex next weekend. Last time was July but a lot has happened since then her wall is coming down. She is opening her heart to me again... I see it everyday.

How do i handle it? Well I love my wife and wouldn't want any other woman while I'm married to her.... I believe in for better or worse.... I believe in karma...So i believe a glorious sex life is just around the corner based on how hard I've worked on improving our marriage. I'm actually glad we went through his because I believe sex will mean MUCH more to both of us going forward. I know we are both ready to put this all behind us.

Sex for me is about feeling close to my wife... in essence its a continuation of wanting to make her happy and that in turn makes me happy. When it's missing I fell the happiness is not there so I question our marriage, I question myself and I question my wife. It's hard and causes mental anguish.... but in reality it's our only issue. Once solved we are gold!

I'm leading us to solving it she is responding so it's just a matter of time.. that's how I cope.

This "sexless" period is not without it's benefits....

I'm simply a better husband AND father.
I know women's needs much better.
I'm much more confident.
I now stand up to my wife.
I'm branching out on my own more doing things I like.
I'm healthier since I stopped drinking because of this.
I have control over my kids and am the man of the household.
I'm happy, I have a plan and I'm seeing results
I've had and opportunity to express MY NEEDS without any reservation to my wife.
I've come across this forum with many wonderful people helping others... thank you.

So for me sex is just one piece of the puzzle.... Soon the puzzle will be complete.
My marriage won't fail... it'll thrive. This will all be just a bump in the road.

We will be better. I WILL have a much better sex life with my wife ongoing. It's not often
you can shift gears in midstream so this two years may turn out to be totally worth the pain.

Life is like that. I've learned that along the way.

Heck my kids are both closer to adults themselves now... life's a journey enjoy it. Don't sweat the small stuff. Save it for the big stuff. You'll need it. Enjoy you new child that's the true gift. You'll soon understand that there is nothing like being a father. They are the hardest and they are the best that's the true reward of sex. I love my two boys when I don't want to strangle them! Become a man your wife will appreciate that.


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

dont want to sound negattive but after my wifes birth 2 1/2 years ago we have only had sex 3 or 4 times and we are only 27.

seeing counsillor now but it thucked her libido


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I have to ask - you're seeing a counselor about this? What does your wife say? She didn't understand it would be a problem?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

this is the MEN's clubhouse and I'm going to give you a man's answer.

see all the post above!

just joking. I think if you help out with all the **** that comes along with a new baby then asking for a hand job or blow job would be the way to go. 

if she worth her weight in salt she would be understanding and give you a hand(pun intended) if she a selfish ***** then you will be out of luck


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

chillymorn said:


> I think if you help out with all the **** that comes along with a new baby then asking for a hand job or blow job would be the way to go.


i just hate having to ask my bride for a HJ, its so degrading


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> i just hate having to ask my bride for a HJ, its so degrading


Its only degrading if they have a crappy attitude about it.But if they say sure and do it out of love then all is cool.


what do you think she hates to ask you for? that she would really appreciate.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

prince said:


> Thanks all. i am very much there for her other ways. I am really not in a hurry just wanted to know what others do. she is even more interested than myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In that case there are plenty of things to do that dont involve vaginal intercourse.


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## I'm me (Nov 19, 2011)

Be happy you're not in the military, deployed for 6 months. Only one month to go. :smthumbup:


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## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

square1 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> Your wife just pushed something bigger than a football out of her. Maybe if you help a lot and give her 5 mins to shower or relax it would relieve some of her stress and if she's in the mood some oral or a hand job may take place. You don't need to stick your p in her v to get off. there are always other ways.


:iagree:

When I had my child (little over 2 years ago now), I wondered the same thing!! My husband and I talked about it while I was pregnant because we both enjoy sex and BOTH of us were wondering how it is possible to go 6 weeks without it. We agreed to just see how it goes after she was born.
The first couple of weeks I wasn't interested in much of anything LOL but once the hormones leveled out a little and I got a routine going my drive started to come back and my husband and I would just tease each other. It was almost like being in high school again, we would do everything except have intercourse and to tell you the truth, by the time I was given the all clear for sex, I could barely wait for actual intercourse.
I think it's important to help out where you can to help keep your ladies stress level down and also to remember you can still be intimate and since (most) woman respond to foreplay, just treat the time you can't have intercourse like a really long foreplay session and see if you can get her so worked up she will be begging to do it.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

ChubbieOwl said:


> :iagree:
> 
> When I had my child (little over 2 years ago now), I wondered the same thing!! My husband and I talked about it while I was pregnant because we both enjoy sex and BOTH of us were wondering how it is possible to go 6 weeks without it. We agreed to just see how it goes after she was born.
> The first couple of weeks I wasn't interested in much of anything LOL but once the hormones leveled out a little and I got a routine going my drive started to come back and my husband and I would just tease each other. It was almost like being in high school again, we would do everything except have intercourse and to tell you the truth, by the time I was given the all clear for sex, I could barely wait for actual intercourse.
> I think it's important to help out where you can to help keep your ladies stress level down and also to remember you can still be intimate and since (most) woman respond to foreplay, just treat the time you can't have intercourse like a really long foreplay session and see if you can get her so worked up she will be begging to do it.


Is four months good? I'd love to see her beg!


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