# Familiar Story?



## boutrosboutros (Sep 10, 2010)

My wife and I were dating for 5 years and have been married a year and a half. (Three years, technically - it's complicated!) I'm 29, she's 33. 

Our problem is that we have nothing in common and no connection. It's a very strange thing, but for a long time we were so in love that it hardly mattered that we didn't have anything to talk about. We've always had a good sex life and lots of affection for each other, and that just covered up the fact that we're really very different people.

But since being married, or maybe just because of time, the love has started to fade and we can no longer disguise the fact that there's nothing we really like about each other. I'm outgoing, sociable, would go out and meet friends or new people every day of the week if I could. My wife is and always has been quite antisocial, doesn't like making friends, loves to stay at home. I like talking about anything and everything, can literally show an interest in any topic whatsoever, and am always ready to hear a new point of view. My wife just likes to gossip or watch TV.

Most nights we're at home together we barely speak. I tell her about my day and she tells me about hers over dinner, then silence. If I suggest going out she says she doesn't want to. If a friend invites us out she tells me I can go, but she'll stay at home. If I ever do manage to pursuade her to go out for dinner with friends or family, she's quiet to the point of rudeness. 

It's not as if there are other problems. No infidelity, no abuse. And there are no kids. Should we just call it quits? Agree to move on? I have no idea, but I can't envisage being able to stay like this forever and I don't want to bring kids into a marriage in which the parents don't love each other. And yet of course I still care for her, and I hate the thought of the hurt it would cause to suggest breaking up. More than that, I can't help but see myself as a coward - how can I just give up without a fight, especially only after 18 months of marriage?


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

I feel like I am in this situation somewhat as well. My H and I have only been married 7 months, yet I'm already asking myself some of these questions. I think that recognizing that you shouldn't bring kids into this shows maturity. For me, it is difficult to want to stay in my relationship when I feel there is no way we are going to have kids. That is one of the biggest reasons I wanted to be married was to have a family. I think at some point you are probably going to have to call it quits if that is something you desire in your life.


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## boutrosboutros (Sep 10, 2010)

That's what I'm thinking, as well. I think she'd be a good mother. And I'm also aware that at 33, time is an issue for her and that's unavoidable. But I don't want kids with her. I just don't.

Re-reading my post it makes me sound a bit self-centred, I realise. We've tried hard to enjoy time together! We go to art classes together, we bought a wii so we could play games at home since she doesn't really like going out, we rent DVDs a lot... But there's no spark any more. We don't argue. I guess you could say that we just aren't two people who could ever be friends.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

My H and I were friends before getting married, so it's terrible that we can't be friends now. But, I like to do things with other people, and he just wants to be at home. Plus, things that we used to do together, I find he doesn't even want to do....never wanted to do. Like going out and socializing. We have a Kinect and do play games at home sometimes, but the tension between us turns everything into a fight. Yes, time is an issue, and it is unavoidable. I don't want to be married to him for the next few years, and end in divorce anyway, with no kids. I am 30 and have no kids. He is 36 and has 2, but never sees them. I also feel like I sound self-centered at times because I don't want kids with someone who doesn't even spend time with his own kids. He's already had that experience, I haven't, and I thought I would with him. But, it is worth being with someone you won't have a family with if that is something you want.


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