# How would you define "vanilla" sex?



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Everyone probably has his own definition. Please share yours.

Just men, please. Open mike; no judgment, please.


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## Don-Juan (Sep 1, 2013)

Missionary only, very little (if any) kissing, fondling, talking or hugging.
No toys, no porn.

(looking forward to seeing some others views on this!)


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Missionary. But what is funny is that position is very intimate and my wife absolutely gets off on it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Missionary doesn't have to be vanilla, but it often is. We used to have "3 and out" sex. Start with missionary, then cowgirl til she gets off, then roll over for doggie until I get off. It's not terrible once or twice, but the same exact way over and over and over.....ugg. I didn't think it could get worse until we started having "roll over and eff me" sex; i.e. no foreplay and missionary only.

Nowadays I generally consider any sex without oral to be vanilla.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

In my opinion, vanilla sex is basically climbing on doing your thing and climbing off. Essentially using your wife as a masturbation tool.

While missionary sex is often used for vanilla sex, I do not think missionary is vanilla at all. As a matter of fact I think missionary is one of the most intimate and erotic positions. Nothing like looking in your lovers eyes as you are on top of her sensually making love.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

I think vanilla sex is the same routine over and over, regardless of position, whether or not there are toys involved, etc. Reverse cowgirl in a swing would be vanilla if that's what happened every time.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I agree with what's been said above....when my wife wants the missionary position again and again....it can get boring and too vanilla. I like variety and change once in awhile. I am the one asking for different positions and variety.

Vanilla sex is also when there is very little foreplay, and little or no teasing. This is very boring to me. Sex without passion is vanilla to me.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

A little boob play
a little touching and rubbing
a little kissing
but, like INTD said, "Sex with no passion is vanilla to me." That was a good way to describe it. 

With passion, there is exploration without judgment. It's fun, horny, hopeful, trusting, forgiving. There are random, out of the blue momentary pauses for deep hugs and kisses, and looks and words like, "I love you sooo much." Okay lets get it on.


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## MrAvg (Nov 22, 2012)

jld said:


> Everyone probably has his own definition. Please share yours.
> 
> Just men, please. Open mike; no judgment, please.


Sex with little feeling, no passion, missionary with little or no foreplay, no kissing no oral, kind of robotic same thing over and over again.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Now I know that I am under educated about sex.

I did not know what was meant by "Vanilla Sex" so had to google it.
Having read the Wiki article I found other expressions I had never heard of such as intercrural sex, frot and tribadism,

Vanilla sex - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We are into 50 shades of vanilla. It's very conventional but really good (come on, it's sex). I think of chocolate as "kinky", my definition of kinky will certainly be different from yours. 

That being said we are both open to trying more or less anything at least once. After 22 years we just tried something different, still vanilla but still new to us.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Well, first there’s the ‘conditions’. Kids in bed and asleep, night, marital bed, lights off, nothing ‘special’ for pajamas (sloth cloth), etc. With my wife, it’s also within two days of her period starting for some reason. Then the approach; Usually some lame intimacy like a quick back rub with some kissing to show ‘that kind’ of interest. Pants come off (not top for her), missionary, 5-10 minutes, done. About as emotional as masturbation. Clean up, put back on pants, go to sleep frustrated about what our sex life has become.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Don't know if this has any bearing on your wife, but many want an orgasm right before the cramps start. It seems to lessen the severity of cramping. 

Sorry for the "jack". I thought it was important enough for men to understand, so they will not feel so controlled.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I have to say I agree with a lot of what other posters have mentioned. Vanilla sex, I think, includes but is not limited too very little variety, lack of passion, no emotional connection, very little foreplay, one or both parties bored with what is taking place. 

That being said, missionary position does get a bad wrap as inherently vanilla. It it one of the most intimate sex positions due to the close proximity of each parties face. Not to mention, it's the position my wife has her most explosive orgasms, so it's kinda the go-to to finish things off for her. Not always though. A step by step sex routine would definitely be vanilla.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I think 'vanilla' merely means boring. What is boring to one isn't to another. As several have mentioned it can be missionary only, or just doing the same thing all of the time.

I think most women like missionary because of the intimacy, the way things line up for us, the way the man can take control... but guys think of it as standard fare - vanilla.

Personally I don't get off on girl on top but most guys seem to want it. I thought it was always just for their visual pleasure but maybe they think that's what works for me. Hmm.

According to wiki I like vanilla. Or like Charlie said - 50 shades of vanilla.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Vanilla, IMO, is basic sex. No frills, few thrills, few if any variants or positions, not a lot of passion and thrashin'.

It means something different in the swinger community - there it means monogamous sex, regardless of how good or kinky.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think 'vanilla' merely means boring. What is boring to one isn't to another. As several have mentioned it can be missionary only, or just doing the same thing all of the time.
> 
> I think most women like missionary because of the intimacy, the way things line up for us, the way the man can take control... but guys think of it as standard fare - vanilla.
> 
> ...


I think you're right about missionary sex for women, as to the intimacy of it. I'm not sure about girl on top. Some women find it the best position to get off. My wife can, sometimes, but not every time. As for the man's visual in this position, no question, it's awesome. :smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Um, where did my post go? I responded to this thread and my post is gone.

Weird.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Um, where did my post go? I responded to this thread and my post is gone.
> 
> Weird.


For whatever reason there are sexist threads, one Men's and one Ladies'. You posted in the other one.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

CharlieParker said:


> For whatever reason there are sexist threads, one Men's and one Ladies'. You posted in the other one.


Ah, thank you.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Missionary. But what is funny is that position is very intimate and my wife absolutely gets off on it.


My wife prefers missionary too, in that position she's like a
" _60 sec car_", zero to finish line in 60 seconds.

I don't really like it too much though, so for me, it's " vanilla."
For my wife it's a staple , or she gets upset.

My guess is that vanilla would mean different things to different people, but generally it means boring , plain and unimaginative .


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Vanilla to me is quick and passionless, I could tell be her breathing and how long it took me to get her worked up, many times it just wasn't going to happen. Toward the end it didn't happen at all. I like most of the other posts and pretty much agree. When I can take care of myself and have more fun it's pretty much over


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

johnAdams said:


> In my opinion, vanilla sex is basically climbing on doing your thing and climbing off. Essentially using your wife as a masturbation.


I guess that would be my definition as well, a woman who just lies there and is totally uninvolved. Position has nothing to do with it IMO. 

Thankfully, I have rarely experienced this with my DW. Even when she can't orgasm (rare) she will be involved.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Missionary maybe Vanilla to many, but for many guys who have not had much sex that would be heaven. Any sex would be chocolate.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Code-Welder said:


> Missionary maybe Vanilla to many, but for many guys who have not had much sex that would be heaven. Any sex would be chocolate.


MMMMMM Chocolate.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thunder7 said:


> MMMMMM Chocolate.


:lol:


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## wanderingwheat (Oct 27, 2013)

Interesting question. I have to say, though-I feel like vanilla is less about what positions or toys you do/don't use, and more about openness and communication. If you can't ask for things, are embarrassed about sexuality, unable to express yourself and find it difficult to even discuss sex, that's vanilla to me! 

Honestly, though, vanilla should not be synonymous with bad! All sex is about intimacy, love and fulfillment in both partners, and that means a whole lot of different things to people.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

I guess I'm different. Vanilla sex to me doesn't have a negative connotation. It's just the "norm" that the majority of sexually active people do.

This would include switching positions, oral, petting, massaging. even toys to an extent if they're basic and used in a "standard" way. "vanilla" porn

Non-vanilla is simply that a minority does it, such as bdsm, pegging, role play, unusual toys or contraptions etc. "non-vanilla porn" 

My wife and I have a very vanilla sex life (see my definition above) We experiment with some "non-vanilla" but 95% of the time, we fall into the vanilla list.


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## sgreenberg (Jul 9, 2013)

I agree with wanderingwheat - I don't equate "vanilla" with "bad." Vanilla is by far the most popular ice cream flavor, and it's that way for a reason. It's not as exciting as some flavors, but it's very good and often hits the spot.

Vanilla sex, as I use it, is more like "regular" sex. Here's another analogy: On any given Monday or Tuesday my wife will cook up some normal dinner. I will open a bottle of wine that costs $9-12 or so. That's a "weekday" bottle of wine. If I go over a friend's house for dinner, I might bring a more exciting $20-25 bottle of wine (or take out a customer and buy a $50-70 bottle in a restaurant). There's a time and a place for fancier wine, but most nights the regular table wine hits the spot.

So "vanilla" or "weekday" sex for me might primarily or only be missionary, but there's definitely plenty of foreplay and no lack of passion or satisfaction. I'd still call it "vanilla," particularly if there are no toys, unusual positions, or other kink, but man - I LIKE vanilla most of the time. That doesn't mean I don't want or don't get variety sometimes, but every time doesn't need to be a novel experience. Given how tired most folks, including us, are at the end of the day, I might not have energy for much more.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> Missionary maybe Vanilla to many, but for many guys who have not had much sex that would be heaven. Any sex would be chocolate.


*Then in that case, just please just make mine either Banana Split or Cherries Jubilee!*


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Vanilla, Chocolate---it's all ice cream.



As long as it's not like ice milk. *shiver*


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

I agree that vanilla sex does not mean that it's bad or even boring. It can be the baseline for sex, and I suspect it's a moving target. As your relationship changes your vanilla will change too.

Vanilla can be a shot of extract in the dough, or a whole bean cut and dropped in the sauce to soak in a sauce. It can be flavor your barely notice while swallowing a treat, or a scent that lingers on your hands for hours. Vanilla sex can be the same.

Right now for me vanilla sex includes a lot of making out, undressing one another, some oral, intercourse with a few changes and everyone gets off. But these days I'm cooking with beans rather than extract


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Any sex that involves one of the participants just going thru the motions .... " lets get this over with " sex ??? 

As for missionary being vanilla ummmm i think not !!! One can get really raunchy and naughty lying on one's back , legs spread wide and some really passionate kissing hmm?!?! 

And oh ..... not to mention very reachable , kissable nips too ahem shem !!

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## mdill (Jan 18, 2012)

For me, whatever my sweetheart wants works for me. She is very into missionary and likes what she likes. Watching her sends me over the edge every time and does it for me every time. 16 years later it is our priority almost every day and we are in our 50's. I guess we vanilla, but it really works for us because we schedule our busy days activities around our "happy hour". Can't ask more than that are our age.


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## kittiebee (Jan 11, 2014)

I spent 12 years in a relationship where I had such shockingly boring sex... oh gosh you would rather floss you teeth it was so dull.

is that vanilla sex...

Not in my opinon... I think that was boring sex... 

i think vanilla sex with a man you love is sometimes nice especially when both feeling lazy, hungover, tried, sick, its kind of just happening, because you both feel it despite how crap you feel.. its a bit "dull" in comparison to the sexy nights you have had, there are not necessarily flags flying, or fireworks going off (although my OH seems to be a master in this...) but ultimately you get a connection...me and my OH were both unwell the other day, full of cold and it was vanilla... it wasn't swinging from chandeliers but it was loving and great, very vanilla x 

sorry I am a girl x


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Man, I had a girlfriend about 20 years back by the name of Jackie. Jackie was a sensational woman but she loved her hooch - even had her own hydroponic set up and all. Jackie loved her hooch too much.

When it came to the horizontal folk dancing Jackie tanked. Once she said to me, I kid you not,...."Well, I've cum". I wouldn't have had a clue. Jackie was a wonderful person but sex was not her trump card.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Vanilla sex for me is just the same ol' same ol'.

Vanilla is our 'go to' position, her on her back, me on my right side, right leg under hers, left leg between hers. I can't go too deep from there which she likes and I can bring my left thigh up to increase the pressure on her pubic bone area.

I suppose missionary is vanilla but there are lots of simple variants on vanilla to spice things up a bit.

I rather like missionary, I always seem bigger and harder. I can take control, go slow, tip her, pound a bit, stroke her legs, tell her to grip me tighter etc.

ETA, obviously done in a star or cross position.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Vanilla sex seems to be a modern construct...as I have seen the term more in women's erotic literature than anything...handing the term over to a type of subdued/can be pleasant/but not firing all cylinders/sorta sex. It's the sex that the BDSM community coined and labelled as the sex of the uninitiated...or sex that was had before "ones eyes were opened."

I don't see anything wrong with vanilla sex as long as it is intimate and authentic and is fully cosensual and free. But I think people outside that dynamic worry that that equates to boring, label it as "vanilla"...colorless, plain and-near flavorless (Like the movie Pleasantville where tv people are black and white until they *gasp* discover masturbation or other "enlightening" activities). They worry because it seems to lack the one-two punch, the exhausting bombardment, and results achieved from escalated and novel sex approaches. 

Wild sex is great too...as long as it meets the above criteria. Why? If it isn't intimate, then people aren't connecting with each and themselves...not all sex will be slow...some are wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am...but it is in a familiar trusted context. If it isn't authentic, then that mean we aren't acting from our true will and true self...and that invites people to say yes or say no to things that maybe they regret NOT doing or actually doing something that is detrimental to them. Many BDSMers talk about achieving 'subspace'...where they are so over taxed and over stimulated, that they turn into numb jello, tuned-out in a sublime bliss(?) and seem to step out of themselves. Many therapists would call this disassociation...and that could very well be the process from so much sustained, ritualized stimulation in their "play"...but many NOT ALL subs are drawn to being dominated in order to achieve that medicated disassociative factor...become quite addicted to it...can't really function in life without regular "maintenance" from their sessions. For many the sessions are about reliving traumatic past when power was taken from them (often sexually) and they ask for and absorb the pain enough that they think they are mastering it, but really, they have just been allowing someone to flip and tweak them through domination, humiliation, and stripping of will (and yes, a safeword is generally employed if too much) that the sub finally achieves the disassociative subspace where they don't feel pain...cos really they pretty much shocked their system to revert to emergency coping mechanisms. It's not kid stuff...and most experts would call this retraumatization. And sure this is indeed consentual, but it can also be signs of a serious and spiralling sex addiction if out of control...and risks start exceeding health. 

This is why I feel like "vanilla sex" a term created by this community ought not to be a badge of shame to those in the vanilla community...especially when many in vanilla-land are perfectly content. Nothing wrong with spicing it up or adding whatever you think will warm the fires, but as long as it falls in the context of loving and honoring each other and ourselves...and if those always stay in place...then all bets are off...it should be free, man!

I just think we need to know where specific terms came from and not feel pressured to look at what we have and develop some dissatisfaction unnecessarily. It's like approaching a girl one day, who love life, loves herself, thinks she beautiful and a princess, and saying to her "You're chunky."

Yet people actually do that...and others get curious through the stuff they read and see on the net..and wonder "Am I missing something? Is this what has been missing all my life? Why am I not experiencing that? Why isn't my spouse willing to try this? Then one day we are mad at our spouse and life...because we read something that if we aren't pushing boundaries, then our lives are lesser?


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## kittiebee (Jan 11, 2014)

sometimes its really great to just answer the question from the heart


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> I just think we need to know where specific terms came from and not feel pressured to look at what we have and develop some dissatisfaction unnecessarily. It's like approaching a girl one day, who love life, loves herself, thinks she beautiful and a princess, and saying to her "You're chunky."
> 
> Yet people actually do that...and others get curious through the stuff they read and see on the net..and wonder "Am I missing something? Is this what has been missing all my life? Why am I not experiencing that? Why isn't my spouse willing to try this? Then one day we are mad at our spouse and life...because we read something that if we aren't pushing boundaries, then our lives are lesser?


That whole post was great. I do think, many times, this is at the heart of infidelity, when it happens for the first time. After that, it's anybody's guess. It becomes easier and easier, once that barrier is crossed.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I was just asked to give my own answer. I asked this question because I saw this term used on my other thread, and it seemed like different people had different definitions. 

I am not sure how I would define it, but I am leaning towards it being sex without force. Not sure if that is accurate, though.

I put up a separate thread on ladies because I wasn't sure if everyone felt comfortable posting on the opposite sex board. Yes, I guess I am a Victorian. But I think it is important to make people feel comfortable if I ask a question on a sensitive subject.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

jld said:


> different definitions.
> 
> I am not sure how I would define it, but I am leaning towards it being sex without force. Not sure if that is accurate, though.


What does that mean "sex without force"? Isn't all consensual sex without force?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

FormerSelf said:


> I don't see anything wrong with vanilla sex as long as it is intimate and authentic and is fully cosensual and free. But I think people outside that dynamic worry that that equates to boring, label it as "vanilla"...colorless, plain and-near flavorless ......
> 
> *This is why I feel like "vanilla sex" a term created by this community ought not to be a badge of shame to those in the vanilla community.*..*especially when many in vanilla-land are perfectly content. Nothing wrong with spicing it up or adding whatever you think will warm the fires, but as long as it falls in the context of loving and honoring each other and ourselves*...and if those always stay in place...then all bets are off...it should be free, man!
> 
> *I just think we need to know where specific terms came from and not feel pressured to look at what we have and develop some dissatisfaction unnecessarily.*


I really LIKE all you have expressed here....I answered in the Ladies Section thread...how me & mine were basically vanilla for the 1st 19 yrs ....(well 2 flavors & his trying to go down).... I have done just what you were describing here... thinking 'GAWD, I guess we were B O R I N G - with a capital B! ... But really... we didn't feel that way...at all..

Part of my post in the Ladies section *>>*



> *SimplyAmorous said: *we were both very happily "vanilla"... in this regard...I never felt I was missing anything!# ...Always felt lost in each other..foreplay was heaven, wanted it to go on forever....it was intoxicating...he better not have stopped, I'd probably beat him up! It wasn't something I would take or leave... more like the experience (and every time )...it lifted me on the tallest mountain emotionally and physically... and we always had those
> 
> 
> 
> ...


*Urban Dictionary* on "*Vanilla Sex*"....

*1.* Sex that involves no twists or kinkiness, and no S&M. Basically plain regular sex. Typically sweet and happy and very lovey-dovey . Yep, that last line was US!

*2. *A description of what a culture regards as standard or conventional sexual practice. Often, it is interpreted as sex which does not involve elements such as, BDSM, kink, or fetish activities. Usually defined as boring, plain sex. But, a vanilla lover would regard it as making-love, passionate sex. Again... last line...my husband all the way... a making love man...very passionate in that. 

*3.* Normal, standard sex versus "wordkinkyword" or adventurus sex. Like comparing Missonary(vanilla) to doggy style(kinky).. ...Who wanted to try Doggy out of the 2 of us... Me .

*4.* Sexual Intercourse usually defined by the missionary style. 
Nothing by definition is abnormal. No Pain. No Kinkyness. Just Love. Most socially acceptable form of intercourse. 

Having done 19 yrs a couple flavors...it was like opening a new window to our lives...raising the kinkiness bar...that was a whole lotta FUN....


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jld said:


> I was just asked to give my own answer. I asked this question because I saw this term used on my other thread, and it seemed like different people had different definitions.
> 
> I am not sure how I would define it, but I am leaning towards it being sex without force. Not sure if that is accurate, though.
> 
> I put up a separate thread on ladies because I wasn't sure if everyone felt comfortable posting on the opposite sex board. Yes, I guess I am a Victorian. But I think it is important to make people feel comfortable if I ask a question on a sensitive subject.


'Sex without force'.

Do you mean sex without great passion?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

@CA and Wysh: I am not exactly sure what I mean. I have seen lots of definitions of vanilla now, and I guess I am still absorbing that. When someone asked me earlier how I would define this, sex without force was the first thing that came to mind. But I agree, it does sound like anything that is not rape. So that does not quite seem accurate, either.

I guess I really am not sure how I would answer the question. I guess that is why I asked the question.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Anything that doesn't make my wife orgasm.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jld said:


> @CA and Wysh: I am not exactly sure what I mean. I have seen lots of definitions of vanilla now, and I guess I am still absorbing that. When someone asked me earlier how I would define this, sex without force was the first thing that came to mind. But I agree, it does sound like anything that is not rape. So that does not quite seem accurate, either.
> 
> I guess I really am not sure how I would answer the question. I guess that is why I asked the question.


Ah ok, it is just that to me the term 'sex without force' presumes (assumes?) the term 'sex with force' which seemed a wrong term to use, which is why I suggested sex with great passion as an alternative.

I think with passionate sex you can be forceful without using force. Or am I overthinking this? :scratchhead:

We indulge in what I would call vanilla sex more often than not. Sometimes it is just two people lovingly sharing their bodies.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

Missionary position, lights out, no oral sex (blow job or cunnilingus).


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

For me, vanilla is the basic act of sex in the same manner all the time, and the mention of anything beyond that causes your partner to act as though you've asked for them to remove a lung just for fun.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

If I was pressed for an answer,vanilla sex is when the other person is making grocery lists in their head while the other person is just trying to get off. 

We're careful not to analyze and label our sex life bc it can make you paranoid to compare to everyone else. When we stop looking forward to sexy time then we'll change it up.Until then,we're going to do what makes us excited regardless of whether other couples would think it's vanilla,chocolate,strawberry..whatever.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

jld said:


> Everyone probably has his own definition. Please share yours.
> 
> Just men, please. Open mike; no judgment, please.


Infrequent (once a month or less) PiV from a frontal position with little to no oral. Sexual contact is only during that time, no groping or fondling outside the bedroom and only done during that time. The entire sexual session lasts less than an hour with no discussion of desires or fantasies ever.


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## Placeboni (Sep 10, 2010)

I don't agree that missionary is vanilla.. surely it's all about how you do it...? 
Missionary can include lots of back scratching, nipple nibbling, dirty talking, hip thrusting action! 
Just like doggy style can be insanely dull.. 
It surely depends on you both being really into it. Vanilla for me is when you're having sex for the sake of having sex. Which happens, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, as long as it isn't all the time!


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Vanilla sex is conservative sex. It's not synonymous with passionless sex; it's a lack of variety and willingness to explore anything beyond the usual. The expression 'vanilla sex' reminds me of those people who go into a restaurant and order the same thing every time (my wife). Whereas other people will order something simply because they've never tried it before (me). The disconnect comes when one person is doing all the ordering for the other.


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## Placeboni (Sep 10, 2010)

MSP said:


> Vanilla sex is conservative sex. It's not synonymous with passionless sex; it's a lack of imagination. The expression 'vanilla sex' reminds me of those people who go into a restaurant and order the same thing every time (my wife). Whereas other people will order something simply because they've never tried it before (me). The disconnect comes when one person is doing all the ordering for the other.


So you can have passionate vanilla sex? Yes, I suppose that's true actually.. I just never see it that way. But then, nothing wrong with some vanilla anyway! 

I always order the same things in restaurants.. always. But I'm not boring in bed.. my partner likes missionary and never suggests or 'makes moves toward' anything different. Though he never complains when I do.. I think it can have a lot to do with shyness. Even if you've been with someone a long time you can be a little reserved in that respect, possibly out of fear of it not being very good or of offending your partner. 
Though mostly, in longterm relationships, it really is like the restaurant analogy.. you know what you like so you stick with it. Which I'm sure we're all guilty of from time to time.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Placeboni said:


> So you can have passionate vanilla sex? Yes, I suppose that's true actually.. I just never see it that way. But then, nothing wrong with some vanilla anyway!


It depends on how you define 'passion', I guess. You can have loving vanilla sex, but I don't think you can have exciting vanilla sex. Also, I think this is a greater divide for men than for women.



Placeboni said:


> I always order the same things in restaurants.. always. But I'm not boring in bed..


How do you know? 

But one does not necessarily mean the other. However, it probably is a bit of an indicator for most people.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Missionary sex is far ,far from vanilla sex IMHO !!

It's all about what you'e doing with your hands , mouth and eyes while in this position that can make that much ummmmm sexxxxier ahem ahem  !!!


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## Placeboni (Sep 10, 2010)

Well, I suppose I don't know.. but I like to keep things interesting.. :scratchhead: lol


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

I don't know. It's usually swingers and people in the BDSM community that use the word "vanilla" to describe others who don't have the same sexual proclivities.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

No such thing........it's more boredom! The first time you have sex with anybody it is fun because it's new. When it's new everything feels exciting just a touch, a kiss, foreplay, and missionary.

Add 10 years of marriage and then the above becomes vanilla sex because you have done 3000x times already.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

so I guess this one was too good to be "guys only" 

Very interesting responses and I'm surprised to see people equating the emotional aspect with the term "vanilla". In my eyes vanilla is (as others have said) the mainstream and what most people do. Thus PIV missionary. The farther you get from that the less vanilla to me.


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