# Considering divorce or just leave - just can't stand the pain



## Crossroad (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi I am new here. I am surprised to see so many active posts about getting divorced. I can't discuss these with people in real life.

Don't know where to start maybe I just jump in. I am miserable 80% of the time when with my wife. I am pretty ok when she is not around so I don't think it is me. There are so many things she does that either makes me mad, sad or disappointed overtime I lost count but the scars build up making me feel like a zombie.

I hate her for these things :
A. Never want to discuss issues
B. Create a fuss when I try to talk about issues
C. Double standard and changes in time only to suit her
D. Goes overnight to friends to drinks (claiming female only who knows)
E. Don't close blind for undressing and never change for 10 years
F. Spend money and never family make money or reduce cost
G. Never do anything (I am not working, neither is she, why she keeps the maid I have no idea)
H. Angry at my daughter because she is emotional 
I. Bad morale standard, family encourage brother to get rich wife thinking it is a great thing. Overall morale standard 1/10.
J. Rarely reply when talk to
K. Never understand me or tries to
L. Not allow to talk about things in the past (point A)
M. Lies a lot but accuse people not trust her
N. Did many things that broke many heart

An example would be she goes off to meet her friends, drinks and stay overnight. She takes some photos which appears on my iphone through photostream. I see a lot of whiskeys, more cutteries, more drink glass. So I ask her if she is drinking with other guys too. (I know I might sound very controlling but there was a story. Before we got married, she lied many times and get drunk in bars with strangers. I found out when she accidently phoned me and I overheard everything. Not to mention she cheated on me before we got married. That's another story, though thinking back I should never had married her). Back to the example, she would get angry, say you are imagining things. If you don't believe me there is nothing to talk about. 

So here we are there is virtually zero communication between us because of 'there is nothing to talk about'. Because of this, many many things are unresolved. Funny thing is she tries to resolve the situation by being nice and hope that I pretend nothing had happened but still with zero communciation. 

Of course there are other things but overall, I can say I am very disappointed with her for many things. Our morale values are so different. I would say she has no morale value. I don't ask her anything anymore since I don't trust a single thing she says, not even if she swear on her own mother's death.

Back in November I took her to see councilling. I wanted to treat for depression but councillor says I must take care of the source problem which is the marriage. I felt a lot better doing those couple weeks of councilling. Things got better. But she does not like people critizing her so no more councilling. For me I didn't expect much because it was something extra to show my 2 children later on that I have tried everything and that mum gave up. 

To summarise the above you can imagine she Breaks my heart made out of glass with hammer non stop even when tell her to stop. She does it in order to release her own emotion. My wound has blood and broken pieces of glass. Few days later she trys to heal it by patching bandage without removing the broken glass by tackling the underlying problem. Before the bandage is dry, this is repeated to the point that broken glass are now glass powder. 

As you might notice we have two children 3 & 5. Something is definitely wrong with the marriage. She will never change. Is being miserable enough to end the relationship ? How much pain is the threshold ? Should one cut off one's arm because it hurts a lot ? How about 20% of the time when the pain is bearable ?

In my mind I have prepared for the worst i.e. if I leave she will go to another man. 

If we divorce she wants half my money and so I won't know how to take care of the kids. But if things must happen I might just leave and let her learn to write a cheque or play the kids DVD, it's about time.


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