# not gonna lose her....



## 30rndmag (Aug 8, 2008)

hi all. I want to apolgize right from the start on the length of what i am about to type. I don't type a whole lot so just bare with me.
Ok well i'll start at the begginning. I got married right out of highschool to a girl i dated for just my senior year. We had 2 kids together and almost made it five years when she realized that getting pregnant at such a young age took away all her "fun and partying" years so she wanted a divorce. I wanted to work it out but as soon as i found out she was cheating on me with a 17 yr old that was it. I went after full custody of our two kids and got them. So there I was a 24 year old single dad of 2. About 4 months after my divorce was final i met my wife now and fell head over heels for her (as i am to this date). She also had 2 children from a previous marriage and we were so greatfull for each other because we both had been through the same thing. Well having four kids was crazy at first but i really got used to it and i loved it....and so did she. we dated for 2 years then got married and bought a house together in 2005. A lil over a year later we had our first child together. so now we had 5 kids....after 4 whats one more right hehe. Well not long after having him she started to change. she hated sex and was very very moody. She went to the doctor and she told her that she may have post pardom deppression. she put her on a medicine, but she never took it. Well she has gotten alot worse in the last 2 months and the dr. now says she may have anxiety and deppression. she has put her on about 3 different meds but each one has had really bad side effects on her (throwing up, can't sleep, etc.) It seems like as soon as the medicine gets in her system and everything is better, the side effects make her quit taking them. and thats when it gets really bad. I can tell when the meds are out of her system cause she will jump on me for every little thing and she will say "i shouldn't have to take a pill to make me feel better". Lately she has been on me and my two kids really hard. Seems like everything my 2 do just gets under her skin. She even told my son the other day that he is the reason we might get a divorce. And really and truly it won't be anything big he does, like forget to load the dishwasher....and she will go ballistic on him and then me. She told me that the problem isn't me and her but it's my two kids. Did you get that? My two kids. She used to refer to them all as our children as i do. I love hers the same as mine. Seems like i can't do anything right lately....I work 8-10 hrs everyday as an industrial electrician, come home, cook dinner every night, do laundry, and get the kids agendas for school signed but that still isnt enough. She only points out the things "my" children have done wrong and what i haven't done. She has really drawn back away from me. We used to fall asleep in each others arms at night but now when i try to put my arm around her or give her a kiss she tells me to stop or leave her alone. I am crazy about this girl and i will do anything for her. I feel i am doing every possible thing i can do for her but it still isn't good enough. I got us an appt. with a counselor for me and her and for my kids. I dont know what else to do. I am at a loss right now. She used to be a totally different loving and caring person. Am i missing something here?


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Hi sorry for all you 2 have been going thru lately. What did your therapist say was going on??. The pills or meds do help and the side effects can drive a person nuts in my words. I have anxiety disorder, depression and ptsd. Have been taking meds for a long time but the side effects were getting too unbearable for me. I had to stop taking them although my Dr. says I should be on some meds especially for my depression but I refused to take them for a while anyway. Its sounds like your wife has alot of anxiety and she has not patience right now. Please since you still love the hell outta her take her back to dr and seek different meds. I am not a dr or therapist but speaking form my experience only. By the way when I saw your forum name I became very concerned becuase why would you have such a name like that??. Hopefully you r not contemplating hurting yourself or anyone else. Also better have your dr or thearapist expalin things to your 2 children about your wife or their step mom blaming them for things that might hurt thier self esteem and cause problems for them in the future.
Hope I helped and not caused any harm to anyone in your family.
Be very careful
Manny


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## 30rndmag (Aug 8, 2008)

hey thanks for the reply. lol don't worry about my name It's just the one i used to use and play online games and stuff..well we have an appt. the 19th of this month with a therapist. before now she has just been going to her regular dr. so we shall see. but last night (while she is out of town to her moms) i got on her computer and found out that she has been lookin to rent an apartment back close to her parents a whole state away! Not to say how hurt i was. I dunno what is gonna happen. It's like i can't get her to the dr. fast enough ya know.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

let us know with updates on how things are going. I wish you the best of luck.

draconis


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## 30rndmag (Aug 8, 2008)

well yesterday we went to couseling..... I actually had alot of hope after talking with him. I felt really good. and it seemed that she was thinking good things while we were there, but as soon as we left the office as she was going to her car and i was heading back to my truck i said "so, what do you think?" her reply was "i think i gotta get back to work" and then she got in her car. I really think she has totally given up. later yesterday she called me and told me she was going to her parents (a state away) cause she had some interviews the rest of the week and asked if i could watch all of the kids. Of course i said yes. So here i sit....my wife a state away trying to start a new life and me here with all 5 kids....i think now i have lost all hope. i still have an appt. coming up for my kids cause i think they r gonna need it. i mean that is the second woman to walk outta theier lives. I made another one while i was at the office for me and her but i seriously doubt she will go again. but i think i need it. Just wanted to give everyone an update.


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## Triton (Jul 8, 2008)

See your self a lawyer ahead of time. Just to get an idea of what maybe ahead. Alot of times people in that condition, can't hear you unless they are on their meds. Also, for whatever reason she is not taking them -she is taking the family down too. Drugs work both ways-Some need them , and some don't. She needs them. You took her in sickness , and in health-not the kids. Protect them before they get screwed up.


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Hi and man Triton you said that really good. and 30rndmag listen to triton man...the kids man the kids!! and you man from your last reply you went seperated to the therapist visit..take her along side of you. This illness they should find a cure for it...I have said many times to docs and therps if they could bottle this illness they could use it very effectively as a weapon agains an enemy that how bad it can get for a person. Also now we know that you have 5....repeat 5 kids to care for. and if I read correctly they are from a past wife that you had right??. That can cause some problems for ppl that are not ill let alone someone with issues and meds and all that. I really hope that with a little time you will feel better and better and that your children come outta this thing with no issues hanging on their backs when they grow up.
Grab the bull by the horns and hang on ok. Don't lose your grip ok.
See you soon.
Manny


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## 30rndmag (Aug 8, 2008)

hey everyone thanks for al the support. just to clear up a few things, i had my 2 kids only coming in to this marriage. when me and my ex got a divorce, i told her i was going after full custody and she never fought me. Then my wife now had 2 also going into this, so instantly we had 4 when we got together. Then we really got used to a full house and really enjoyed each other and the kids and decided to have one of our own together. That's how we came up with 5 . also, the day we went to the couseling, she had gone to work that morning and we just met over there at our appt. time. I was just thankful then that she had showed up. 
Just to give everyone an update, she is still gone and i am still here with the kids. we have barely talked this week. She only called me on thursday to tell me that her interview went good and they asked her to come back tomorrow. I mean, why would she call to tell me that? it's like she is rubbing it in my face. I also found out that she has already sent a check to the person she is gonna rent over there from and they told her that she was gonna move in oct. the 4th. 
I really have turned over a new leaf for myself during all of this. I have really been focusing on the kids lately....even more than i used to. I told her that i wanted to take em all to church sunday, and she just mocked me....she said "oh yeah lets go to church and save this family! praise jesus!" I just think in my own heart that the kids and myself need it right now. 
All of this just really sux cause it seems the more i do to try and hold our family together, the more i push her away. So anyway monday i have an appt. for my 2 kids and then i will start to seek out a lawyer. I really hate that it has come to this, but i have to look out for the best interests for me and my kids. I mean i do still have a small shred of hope but i feel i atleast need to go seek legal advice. Like ya'll said just see what may be ahead.


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

30rndmag...I am very sad about what the marriage is going thru now but I also want to tell you I am proudof you and the things you r trying to do to keep verything glued together!!! amen!!
and the legal stuff yeah be ready and armed with that too. You might get really down at times or even hit bottom on this marriage but like I said to you before....hang on don't lose your grip especially for you and the kids. For a little cheering up and forgive me if I'm outta place but you sholda baught a new color tv...maybe you wouldn't have five kids... My wife and I had an issue that lasted 10 years and I was always asked why all of a sudden did you have 2 more(already only had 2) kids ha??. I would say..we only had a black and white tv !!
my dental hygenist cracked up rolling on the floor when she asked me that question.....she was really a great person to.
Ok lets see some more ppl support 30rndmag so him and his children can feel even just a bit better and hopefully the problem gets resolved.
yeah!!
Manny


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