# i need some clarity



## confusedny25 (Mar 27, 2008)

hey let me get straight to the point. i settled down very early. when i was 18 i met and fell in love with my wife who was 24 at the time. she already had a child from a previous relationship. after about two months of dating we moved in together got engaged and i found out the great news that she was pregnant. that made me a father of two girls by the age of 19. I worked my butt off providing for my family. everything was great. over time i felt as if our relationship was dragging along we werent having sex as much we were arguing constantly too much to handle for unfortunately me being the immature 20 year old that i was i started having affairs here and there 3 in total in the course of two years. I cant say i was proud but i was losing my mind. i eventually some time later confessed to her what i had did. i begged for her forgivness. she accepted my apology and we moved on. but now the problem is still there we hardly have sex with eachother at all and she is often trying to or actually invades my privacy. i am a great father i love my children and i dont want to be away from then which is why i think im still there. we actually also had a boy together 3 years back so i raise 3 children work very hard and i feel under aprreciated not trusted and controlled. i feel like i have no privacy and i feel less and less like the man that i am the longer my relationship continues. i tried talking to her about it but its like talking to a wall. even as recent as yesterday i suggested counseling and her reply was to just break up with her even tho i stated about three time that i didnt want to do that but she just kept on saying for me to break up with her. Im too young with to much responsibility to deal with this please someone tell me what i should do i just to be happy


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

You are young but you still have the responsibility to your marriage and your kids. Not to sound too critical here but on first blush your post is full of I’s. “I raised 3 kids”…. Is it possible she is feeling unappreciated? That you take too much credit for the kids, working hard….? Just a thought from your post. If you had three affairs not so long ago it is understandable that she my not have rebuilt trust in you. If you want to get past this you will need to accept that and make yourself an open book to her. On the other hand if she is telling you to just go ahead and break up with her she is not showing a willingness to work at the relationship. If you are going have a chance as a couple you will both need to work at it. She needs to tell you how she feels about the affairs. Just because you confessed and “moved on” doesn’t mean she has gotten over them. To fix the sexual intimacy you must first fix the relationship. That you are willing to look at counseling is great and I hope you can convince her to go also. Healthy sexual relationships are built around love and trust. Trust is already an issue for her. Work on both of those issues and with time maybe the sexual intimacy will return for you as a couple. Good luck and read my mantra below.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I agree with Amp and I think it would be healthy for you to read the posts where people are cheated on and just how long it really takes for them to get over such a problem and move on with there relationship. You feel like your privacy is being invaded, well that is the draw back to being a cheater (no offense) but it is for you to give up such a right so that she can trust you again. If I was her I wouldn't trust you either and the mere fact she is still with you is one which you should count your stars lucky.

It sounds like you still have maturity issues too. But you gave up a bit of privacy and freedom when you had your first child, let alone your second one. 

What steps have you made to fixing the relationship?

draconis


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