# wife seems to be isolating herself



## spinybot (Jan 29, 2010)

My wife recently went back to school. She has obtained a really close click of friends; 2 males, 1 female. Because of the crazy schedules/modern times texting has become a significant form of communication for her. We have had to up our plan so she can text thousands of times a month.

She is incredibly busy and is working on school constantly, but she texts constantly also. Recently, the texts have focused on one particular male friend. I come home from work and she continues to text till we go to bed at night. All of our conversations exist between her texts. We had a big ‘heart-to-heart’ about it, but it continues. In fact, I asked her to turn her phone off one evening and her reply was “why, it’s not like we’re having some deep and meaningful conversation.”

When she started school, she used to text and flirt with me a lot. That has almost completely stopped. She was never a very affectionate or intimate person before, but now even that has completely dried up. 

I have spoken to her about the texting, lack of affection not to mention the lack of sex. She admits to the lack of sex and assures me we have ‘turned the corner’. She does not see the problem with texting and apparently does not think the affection is a problem either.

I have seen some of her messages (I am ashamed that I have checked her phone). They are sometimes overtly sexual but not a ‘smoking gun’. They don’t reference situations or specific events. It could be just the occasional flirt. Nevertheless, she seems to want to text more than converse with me. I have noticed though, that she seems to be isolating herself (possibly unconsciously). She still talks to me about stuff, just not about feelings, funny stories and innermost thoughts. It seems affection, intimacy and sharing are being saved for this one particular friend.

She has told me that she is exhausted talking about these issues (texting, affection, sex) and just wants us to go back to ‘where we were’. I try to let all my misgivings go and just support her, but nothing ever changes. I asked her to tell me about school, and she said that it is hard, and would be easier if she were single (we have 2 kids). I told her that no matter how hard it got for me in grad school the support she gave me was worth it. She brushed me off and said to not read so much into it, that she only meant that she saw 20-somethings complaining about not have partying time.

Sometimes, a friend comes to the house to study when I am at work. The house is right around the corner from my work, and she knows I could come home at any time but probably won’t.

Anyway, I don’t want to become one of those jealous husbands that drives his wife away but I feel like I am becoming that. Yet, should she be texting to the detriment of our relationship and on top of that, overtly sexual stuff to other men? Should I just let it go until something concrete happens?


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## jkfox624 (Jan 29, 2010)

I wish i could help but i feel like im in a similar situation. Lack of conversation, no intimacy, constant chatting online and txting. Anytime i bring it up its the same i wish things were the way they were. Imo this needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand like my situation is. I'd ask and let it go when she got upset. Now i find myself installing keyloggers on my comp to track her chat friends, goin through her purse just expecting the smoking gun to pop up. I hate living and feeling like this and i'd hate to see someone else end up like me.....


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