# I'm about to get married, and need some advice...



## ashizzled (Feb 18, 2013)

Hello, so...

I'm getting married in thirteen days, and whilst my mother and everyone around me is super excited about it all, I feel as though I've been left in the dust a LONG ASS TIME AGO. 
Don't get me wrong, of course I want to marry my fiance of over a year. He's my best friend, my soul mate, and an amazing individual...but this wedding **** has been entirely overrated--I'm from the South, so I almost feel as if the event itself has nothing to do with me as a person. 

In addition, I'm suddenly feeling restless...I keep thinking the word "wife" is so negative. I'm getting terrified that my individuality is going to suddenly become absorbed into his, and that we're going to lose the fun-loving, adventurous parts of us after all of this is said and done. 

Everyone keeps telling me it'll all be what I make of it, but I'm just wondering--for those of you who are older (I'm twenty-three) and wiser--is there something else I should know? Is there a preparation I can make? Can I start training myself to think differently about this change? 

Or am I just driving myself cray-cray? 

:scratchhead:


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You will lose some of that individualism as that's what marriage is.

Things you did on a whim while single are now things that need to be discussed in marriage.

My only real advice is to elope, we soooo wish we had eloped.

The entire wedding thing has nothing at all to do with the couple getting married and everything to do with the pettiness and self importance of every family member each of you has every had.
It's an unreal extravagance that two people just starting out in life don't need.

Elope or you`ll be wishing you did.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I agree weddings make everyone crazy. I eloped and therefore avoided this. One day we were an in love couple the next married. Steps in between we're few and low key. Made the transition easier.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ashizzled said:


> Hello, so...
> 
> I'm getting married in thirteen days, and whilst my mother and everyone around me is super excited about it all, I feel as though I've been left in the dust a LONG ASS TIME AGO.
> Don't get me wrong, of course I want to marry my fiance of over a year. He's my best friend, my soul mate, and an amazing individual...but this wedding **** has been entirely overrated--I'm from the South, so I almost feel as if the event itself has nothing to do with me as a person.
> ...


trust your gut! wish I did 20yrs ago!

the month before my marriage I was having all kinds of physical symptoms. but felt calm and was wondering if it was the right thing to do. 

you start rationalizing things like. if we cancel the wedding now we will lose all kind of money. we've been togethe so long it must be right, bla,bla,bla

listen if it feels wrong then it is wrong maybe hold off until your sure.

wish the f I did! 

and we dated 8 years.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I agree weddings make everyone crazy. I eloped and therefore avoided this. One day we were an in love couple the next married. Steps in between we're few and low key. Made the transition easier.


You're my hero, when I grow up I wanna be just like you.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> One day we were an in love couple the next married.


Wait a sec...you're not implying these two states are mutually exclusive are you?

"We were in love but ....then we got married."


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Wait a sec...you're not implying these two states are mutually exclusive are you?
> 
> "We were in love but ....then we got married."


Nah I'm on my iPad and its hard to type.

To elaborate we were already living together and in love. Saturday we were single and in love. Sunday we were married and in love. The only thing that changed in 24 hours was my name. We just made it legal that's all. We were already married in spirit.

Ps I met my husband on a blind date 23 years ago today.


----------



## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

Try not to get stresses about all of this. If you really love him and you know that he is the right one for you and there is no doubt in your mind that you want to spend the rest of your life with him then the rest of it will fall into place.

I honestly feel like weddings are over rated, but I am glad that I had one. It's funny because looking back I really didn't care about any of the details of my wedding. I let my mother have her fun and she did most of the work for it with a friend of hers. :rofl: I think it made her happy.  I think weddings are more for the family than anything.

As for feeling like you may lose your yourself or if something may change after you are married, and looking at being a wife as a negative thing, I dont quite understand that. I have always viewed being called my husbands wife as something to be proud of. I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world because he chose me. To me being a wife is like being his queen, because that's how he sees you. Don't let that scare you sweetheart. It's a beautiful and positive thing. 

I wish you and your new husband the very best in this world. Enjoy these days. Enjoy the wedding. You may not see it now, but this time of your life will be forever in your mind and every year on your anniversary you will want to look back on your wedding day and smile and not look back to remember the stress you were feeling. Let all of that go and have fun!!


----------



## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

A piece of paper wont change who you are or the dynamic of your relationship. Marriage is what you make of it, weddings are horrendous life eating monsters though  

The only difference I found after the wedding was that people treated me with more respect. I think when I met new people the wedding ring makes them assume I'm older.


----------



## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

I think you are over thinking things, perhaps you are getting nervous as the wedding draws closer.

It sounds as though you are not having the type of wedding you want, maybe you let others get involved and things have got out of hand? If you can put a stop to this please do, and make sure the wedding is exactly as YOU want it.

I got married 18 days ago. I wanted to elope but he wanted a wedding so we agreed to small wedding. That is exactly what we had. Some aunts/uncles may have been a little bit miffed in the begining about not getting invited all day but if you dont react and stick to your plans people who love you will not care. The day ended up being fantastic because it was all how WE wanted it.

You cant have a second shot, so make sure you do it right . . .


I also didnt like the idea of losing my individuality and had trouble with coming to terms with changing my name (i have always been a very strong minded independent person!). All i can say is that now the wedding is over and we are more relaxed Im getting used to it and I think im even starting to like it. I like that we are our own little family now.

From my (very recent) experience, once the dust settles after the wedding and you can relax i doubt these things wil trouble you as much.

Good luck.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

ashizzled said:


> He's my best friend, my soul mate, and an amazing individual..


you have the most important ingredients of a happy marriage. you love your husband and think he's great. A wedding should not change your perception of him and should not change your great relationship.

If you said you were stressing because you're not sure if he's the right one, then that is a major red flag. But you're not saying that.

The event is only 5 or 6 hours. Try to enjoy yourself. Have a sense of humor.

You will not lose your individuality. I got married at 23, too, and still happily married 20+ years later. You will be stronger together if you have fun as a couple and allow each other to do things individually. That should not change.

Congratulations!


----------

