# Child Custody, maybe my last thread



## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

It is amazing how things just work out. My EX-W cheated with the next door neighbors and has one for her boyfriend now.

She basically abandoned her two oldest kids emotionally and ended up greatly distancing herself from them. My two oldest boys are adopted. I am closest to my oldest son, but I love all three of my children the same.

I went to court to start the child custody hearing. We currently had 50-50. My oldest two want to live with me. She asked me to take them during the school year, but when I moved she would not allow them to go to school where I live so now it is a court fight.

We stepped into court. My lawyer knew my story well. I told her and documented the times she called the police on her own children. I documented the times she would drink, get mad and punch her children who were not doing what she wanted. They hid her beer because they wanted her to pay attention to her.

My EX at one time in her life was a decent woman. I do not know what she is anymore. She is still the mother of the boys so no matter what the children have to deal with a lot.

Jan 23, finally get to our court date. The magister, a woman I have to add looked at me and decided I was guilty in the first five minutes and made it the case two hours later.

My two older boys have lived with me 95% of the time since the summer on to that date. The magister listened to my EX perjure herself no less than 10 times. It didn't matter though like I said the magister looked at me and decided I was guilty and made it happen.

She took my kids away from me so now I get to see them half of what I used to. The final court date is coming up and there is much more, so much more that I will write about, but I wanted to start this thread because what I did matters.

No matter how the court rules, I have already won. My children look up to me and know that I will fight for them. They know that I was alway honest with them and that the things I teach them about honesty, honor, self respect, forgiveness, truth, and so much more are what really matter in life. 

They have seen me go through immeasurable pain. I have seen them to and we are always there for each other.

My case is one of the most contentious cases in the county. I get all kinds of extra help. My kids have been appointed a best interest attorney. She is the one who will really decide what happens so there is much hope.

When the arrangements had to be made for my kids to go with their mother, it was a shock to say the least to everyone. My kids came to the office of the BIA and she told them what the new arrangement was to be for now. When she told them, my kids were shocked and outraged. My oldest, almost 14 started crying.

I spoke to him with the BIA in the office and I told him, 'Son, remember when your mom did the things she did, and what I went through, you just tell the truth and do what is right. No matter what happens, you will be able to look at yourself in a mirror and you will know.' My son will not grow up to be a guy. My sons will grow up to be men. All people go through bad things and troubled times, but it is how you act and what you do that defines you.

My father passed away two days ago and I still cry, but my father was my own personal hero and I see it in my boys that they truly love and respect me and I am a role model for them. Like I said no matter the outcome of how this turns out, I have already won. I am more interested in the things that truly matter than the legal outcome. My EX, solely because she is willing to lie and also because she is a woman has a huge upper hand in the court case thus far. She is playing a game based on legal posturing. I am not playing that game. I will play to the extent of I will do what needs to be done, but my kids know the truth. 

I went into court expecting to tell my side of the story, to tell the truth and have the magister decide. My EX perjured herself repeatedly and I was given a magister than presumed me wrong and made it so.

This is the beginning of the my last story for this board so I wanted to get it started, but there is much more to tell.

Although things are bad now, I got up yesterday and broiled some steaks. I made the kids fried egg sandwiched with sliced steak and cheese for breakfast. My little one told me when I was dropping him off at school that I was the best dad ever.

The legal system is geared toward women in these matters, but they don't account for infidelity. I cannot predict what will happen but I can look at myself in the mirror. I have the love and respect of my children, and that is what I really want. The rest, we will figure it out.

The legal system, it's not winning and losing. If you are here, everyone loses especially the children. My EX has been selfish for years. I will not let my kids be pulled into it so I fight. It is my choice. I choose to be a role model. The reason I am in court is because I am asking for legally what my kids told me they wanted. I did not have a choice in the divorce or the affair. They did not have a choice, so I asked them what they wanted and that is what I am asking for the courts to give.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

Good luck, I have heard similar issues over the years. The system is just rigged against good men, because it is based on the assumption that maternal instict is always better than paternal instinct in every case. The problem is that this only true som of the time. How often is debatable, but not near 100%.

i also think that on average, men are taking more responsibility and women less. And this is huring kids. Thanks to fenimism the pendulum swung way too far.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

I don't ever want to read a story like this again. What's worse, it's not a "story". It's real life. Real people. Real lives and mental health at stake. Hoping for some divine intervention for you. The law is rarely judging On the merits.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

There is no "justice" in the justice system. I have learned that over and over again.

I hope it all gets worked out. Your kids deserve better...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did you have proof of her perjury, or was it "he said/she said"?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

heartbreaking.
i know it will all work out for you and your family. you're a great dad and at the end of the day, you and your kids know that to be true.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

cool12 said:


> heartbreaking.
> i know it will all work out for you and your family. you're a great dad and at the end of the day, you and your kids know that to be true.


:iagree::iagree:
Moving check out avoiceformen.com.
Paul Elam runs it you could contact him and he may be able to get you in contact with someone in your area who may be able to assist you.
It's worth an email.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

It fvcken enrages me when a BH gets called a doormat on TAM when he choses to stay with his children.

55


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

just got it 55 said:


> It fvcken enrages me when a BH gets called a doormat on TAM when he choses to stay with his children.
> 
> 55


I agree, sometimes the BH has no other option with the system stacked so negatively against him. Some states are better than others in this regard, but either way, unless the BH gets sole custody, they always end up with less time with the children. I work from home, so I get to spend everyday with my kids from the time they wake up until leaving for school and when they get home until bed time. I also get every weekend with them (unless they have a special event). It just pains me to know that I will lose this if I D my WW. With her hours, she may even get more time with the kids as she would have undivided time with them during her visits. Seems so unfair to me. Grrr.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

It could have gone similar with me if I had gone through D. (No kid issues for me as mine are grown). The Master here where I live favors women and especially women who cry. My attorney told me the Master will throw the law out the window once a woman starts crying.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That is outrageous. So sorry man.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Can't anything be done legally about the magister? No one should get away with something that jeopardizes kids.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> Can't anything be done legally about the magister? No one should get away with something that jeopardizes kids.


Obvuiously not. A judge in Delaware converted a conviction for rape of children by one of the DuPont heirs from 10 years in prison to 10 years of probation, as according to court records "the defendant wouldn't "fair well within prison." 

Du Pont heir received no jail time after rape conviction


Then there was the case of the drunken teen in Texas who got probation and rehabilitation because of his affluenza defense in a drunk driving crash that killed a family of four.

Texas teen in "affluenza" case gets rehab for driving drunk, killing 4 - CNN.com

If these can get by in such ways, then why not this atrocity? The law is definitely not fair and flawless, which is why it isn't always about the facts and truth, but about the better arguer and convincer.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> Obvuiously not. A judge in Delaware converted a conviction for rape of children by one of the DuPont heirs from 10 years in prison to 10 years of probation, as according to court records "the defendant wouldn't "fair well within prison."
> 
> Du Pont heir received no jail time after rape conviction
> 
> ...


Pure abuse of authority. I'll bet my balls there was graft involved in these cases.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> Pure abuse of authority. I'll bet my balls there was graft involved in these cases.


Agreed as lots of others have voiced the same thoughts. It sure doesn't hurt having fame and money. Look at OJ, a normal citizen wouldn't have gotten the same type of trial and treatment. Those perks are reserved for the rich and famous exclusively it seems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

There are no laws for the rich.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

That's why people are warning another poster, in the private section, nothing is sure in court. 

Terrible.

Good luck. It's ridiculous how all other rights are moving forward, but the "umbilical cord" argument still reigns supreme in court rooms.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It's life's toughest lesson to learn when you do the right thing and get punished for it. It seems even more so in the case of custody and family courts. It can be maddening. Sorry for what your going through my friend....I have been there


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Did the magister not let your lawyer talk?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I'm starting to think that ALL domestic relations judges should be required to under go neutering operations so their gender won't cloud their judgements in these cases.
In the state where I formerly resided any man had to disprove any and all lies told by his cheating ex wife in order to get a fair shake with the system. This was true regardless of the amount of evidence he could provide during litigation.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Was you 14yr old given an opportunity to speak? In lots of jurisdictions a child of that age has some input on custody. If the decision was made to keep them out of the dispute, I fully support that choice. 
I'm sorry you are in such pain.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Sucks. Many of us have similar experiences, or learned the odds and chose not to fight it. Welcome to being a divorced parent with a penis.  

13 is the typical age at which most courts will take the child's preference into consideration.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> There are no laws for the rich.


The Golden rule

Those that have the Gold.............Make the rules

55


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Moving you and I have spoken before about this as I have recently been where you are in this process.

I had been the main carer SAHD (work from home) all my kids lives. When the sh!t hit the fan she expected me to take them completely and for her to to beg for access. When I said "no they need you in a proper relationship" she drew up 3 days for her 4 for me and was grateful for that. Once she realized she would have trouble getting money from the house she lawyered up and suddenly wanted even more time with the kids (10 and 11) as parity of custody gave her more clout with demands about the home sale. 

When we went to court last August I had a welfare officer take note of my kids opinions, them not wanting to give her more time, I was told and I told my kids "your opinion counts and will be heard" 

On the day the judge heard her lie about the original arrangement and she cried. He, like in your case, looked at me, judged me, did not allow me to speak and said "the children's opinions are invalid custody will now be be 50/50 and go away and sort it out" 

:scratchhead:

There was no comeback no argument that was it 5 minutes, thousands of £ for legal fees etc etc 

I was told I was unlucky to get the only judge in this county that could have made this kind of judgement and that it was hard luck ! 

Facing my kids and telling them how their opinion meant nothing in this so important issue was one of the worst days of my life 

Unfking believable.

......but sadly very believable

As men this is sadly the mantle we carry on our shoulders I keep being told it's not as bad it it used to be but......

tell that to my kids!

Chin up old son


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My father won sole custody of me back in the late 70's and that was totally unheard of back then. 

It was a long, ugly, expensive battle.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Oh the courts claim they have the kids' best interest in mind, but really they don't. Otherwise they'd open their f'ing eyes.

Bottom line, even when its painfully obvious that the mother isn't as fit a parent as the father, the father will lose. She'd have to be a drug addict or something, and even then its an uphill battle for the father.

Its a lousy deal my man.

Question for you though, in most states at a certain age the kids can decide who they want to live with. In my state its 12.
Did the courts not care about the desires of your kids? Wait a minute what am I saying, of course they didn't.issed:


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Rugs said:


> My father won sole custody of me back in the late 70's and that was totally unheard of back then.
> 
> It was a long, ugly, expensive battle.


He must have REALLY had something on her then. Either that or she just gave up the fight out of exhaustion.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I hate these stories. It seriously sucks how men are viewed.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Can your children appeal via their lawyer?


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Yeah and they claim there is a war on women.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

PBear said:


> Did you have proof of her perjury, or was it "he said/she said"?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have proof of her perjury. It just doesn't really matter. My court case will not be decided by a judge. It will be decided by the BIA, the child psychologist, the custody evaluator...

I have 100 pages of proof of her perjury to prove 10 things. It just doesn't matter.

What matters is I will choose to do the right thing. I cannot make her act any way. It would be nice if she would stop lying though.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

turnera said:


> Did the magister not let your lawyer talk?


She let the lawyers talk...

My lawyer .... (Over-ruled) 80%
Her lawyer ... (Sustained) 80%

She decided the outcome then made it happen. I have the court transcripts. I'm not making it up but there is no recourse.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> Was you 14yr old given an opportunity to speak? In lots of jurisdictions a child of that age has some input on custody. If the decision was made to keep them out of the dispute, I fully support that choice.
> I'm sorry you are in such pain.


The boys are speaking... There is much more to the story. I will tell it in about a page at a time.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Ok,

First of all, my father passed away two days ago. He was my hero. I am working on making some arrangements for next week. 

About two weeks after decree by the magister, my boys were at my EX's house. They were going sled riding down a hill by her house. I was to pick them up later in that day.

When I did pick them up, I heard the following story. The boys were throwing snowballs at each other. They climbed a hill and my oldest lobbed a snowball at my EX's boyfriends son. It hit him in the shoulder. My oldest apologized. When his father came, the boy started crying. Instead of going sledding, the boyfriend and his son decided they would go home. Nobody but my oldest, my middle boy and the boyfriend's son saw what happened.

My EX told my son to apologize. He went to but the boyfriend blocked him with his sleds so my oldest said ok forget it. The boyfriend and his son walked away and started going home.

My EX yelled at my son then my son started walking home. My EX tackled my oldest boy. She straddled him and grabbed him by the hoodie on his jacket and slammed his face in the snow repeatedly 3-4 times. While this was happening, my oldest said get off me I can't breathe, but it kept happening all the while she asked how he liked it.

Now the boyfriend and I had it out 6 months ago. I pretty much told him he better not put a hand on my kids. Instead he was being passive aggressive and my EX slammed her own child's face in the snow repeatedly.

When I found out, I talked to my lawyer the next day and she had me bring the boys to talk to the BIA(there appointed lawyer). They told her what happened. They told the psychologist what happened. The parental coordinator and the custody evaluator were told what happened. Nothing was ever done. No one called CPS. No one did anything because there were not marks I guess, but everyone has been told.

If the story was that I had done that to my child, I would be arrested and never able to see my kids again. Nothing was done to my EX who physically abused her own child. 

This is a huge point for me and one I will go over again and again until I get some action. They just let this go, but I won't let it end.

It was all of two weeks that she had the boys that this happened. In fact she blamed her bashing his face in the snow on me.

I guess nothing could ever have been her fault. She still has that cheater gene in her. Sorry for the late post. I spent the night at the Argentina embassy in DC doing Tango Lessons with a beautiful blonde. Life always can get you down. If you let it. I try not to let it.

(My father turned 18 and his father died. He joined the Marine Corps to take care of his mother and sisters and was sent to Korea and later Vietnam. He earned a tin full of medals including 3 purple hearts. Gold Glove Boxer Marine Corps, Semper Fi) If my kids have an ounce of the respect that I have for my dad, my hero, my superman, I would be well content with my role in life as a decent dad.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry for the loss of your father. It’s a tough time for you.

If your stbx is abusing your children, why don't your children call 911? Waiting and going to lawyers about it almost guarantees that nothing will happen.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Your ex clearly is more worried about her bf's feelings than anything else. He must see that she will even go after her own son, mistreating her child to please her lover. She does not feel secure in this relationship. Moreover, he is crazy to want her if she acts like this. Was she always like this or did she come unwound?

Do your sons like their step brother to be?

Tell your sons that if their mother lays a hand on them they should call the police if they cannot get ahold of you. If you go to her place if something is happening, call the police first so that they accompany you.

re: Your dad
Korea was horrific. Was he near the Choisin Reservoir battle or the retreat?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Sorry for the loss of your father. It’s a tough time for you.
> 
> If your stbx is abusing your children, why don't your children call 911? Waiting and going to lawyers about it almost guarantees that nothing will happen.


Divorced 2 years...

My son didn't know any better. I told him to call 911 if she ever does anything like that again. What does a 13 year old boy know? He knows that what his mother does is not right, but he doesn't know what he can do about it. He is better informed now.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Your ex clearly is more worried about her bf's feelings than anything else. He must see that she will even go after her own son, mistreating her child to please her lover. She does not feel secure in this relationship. Moreover, he is crazy to want her if she acts like this. Was she always like this or did she come unwound?
> 
> *She is not who she used to be.*
> 
> ...


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Divorced 2 years...
> 
> My son didn't know any better. I told him to call 911 if she ever does anything like that again. What does a 13 year old boy know? He knows that what his mother does is not right, but he doesn't know what he can do about it. He is better informed now.


This is so true. We only know what is in our experiences which is why if we were poor or abused as a child we don't know really what it means to be those until we escape such situations. In our minds it is normal behavior and every other kid experiences the same things just doesn't talk about it. 

I hope your wife gets hers and prayers go out to you regarding your children's situation and your dad. Semper fi.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm sorry about your father. It's hard to lose someone like that. He's proud of you, I'm sure of that.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

How old are your kids? At what age can they decide whom to live with?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> She let the lawyers talk...
> 
> My lawyer .... (Over-ruled) 80%
> Her lawyer ... (Sustained) 80%
> ...


Sounds like you had a misandrist for a magister


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

If you know the name of your father's unit, you can find out where he was.

The courts do things based on caprice, misandry, mechanical formula, etc. 

Is it fair to say the courts favor women to keep men on the defensive? The idea of alimony is partly to keep men from replacing wives with younger women. But because women get bored with their husband and want strange, they, too, cheat and dump.

Marriage has unreal expectations.

What do you think about Cheaterville for OM?


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

MovingAhead said:


> She let the lawyers talk...
> 
> My lawyer .... (Over-ruled) 80%
> Her lawyer ... (Sustained) 80%
> ...


File an appeal within 60 days. Appeals determine whether the district court made an error of law, not whether it made the right decision about custody. The appellate court will generally defer to the *factual decisions*, i.e. decisions not contrary to the evidence presented. If so much of factual evidence have been ignored, I can guarantee you 100% there is a something you can exploit. If you can get the appellate court ruling in your favor, it'd be a b*tchslap to the magistrate's career. 

This is not the end. Believe it.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

At what cost? The kids are only a couple years away from making their own choice on with whom they live, and it'd probably take that long to get it done anyway.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

OnTheRocks said:


> At what cost? The kids are only a couple years away from making their own choice on with whom they live, and it'd probably take that long to get it done anyway.


You are talking about the best scenario possible. Physical violence has a way of going horribly wrong.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

OnTheRocks said:


> At what cost? The kids are only a couple years away from making their own choice on with whom they live, and it'd probably take that long to get it done anyway.


Also going from seeing your kids everyday to 1-2 times a week can be a killer (especially from someone whom has been the main caretaker for a while). 

It might seem like a small cost, but the years will never be replaceable or able to be gotten back. What is the cost of time and memories? Can one really put a price on them? I would say no!


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

WhiteRaven said:


> You are talking about the best scenario possible. Physical violence has a way of going horribly wrong.


My point is, what can he (legally) do about it in a timeframe that is significantly shorter than just waiting for them to come of age, and taking it back to court at that time? Does it make sense to spend 2 years putting your lawyer's kid through Harvard, only to end up with the same result? (her having primary custody until they're of age to decide with whom to live) 

Custody battles are EXPENSIVE and take FOREVER. Probably best to do what he can to legally and physically protect his kids in the interim, and wait until he has more of a slam-dunk case (as if there is such a thing).

I have shared custody of my 5 yr old. I know what it's like to miss half of their life. It sucks, bad, but don't let the fresh wounds to your heart and ego override logic.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

OnTheRocks said:


> I have shared custody of my 5 yr old. I know what it's like to miss half of their life.


Sorry for your loss


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If the sleazebag attorneys who languish on the bench posing as "judges" were only permitted to feed at the public trough for one four year term, they would be far more likely to render just decisions since they would know damned well that their turn "in the bag" would be soon forthcoming.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

OnTheRocks said:


> (her having primary custody until they're of age to decide with whom to live)


I get your point, but this claim varies state to state. Some states say a judge doesn't have to heed , or even interview, a child when it comes to living arrangements.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MovingAhead said:


> Divorced 2 years...
> 
> My son didn't know any better. I told him to call 911 if she ever does anything like that again. What does a 13 year old boy know? He knows that what his mother does is not right, but he doesn't know what he can do about it. He is better informed now.


I understand your frustration. I lived through it.

I spent near 25K on my half of the custody battle. My ex has a lot more in assets than I and he had a team of attorneys' against my one low budget attorney. No telling how much he spent.

Keep in mind that going into the divorce my take on it was 50/50 because I felt that was what the court would do. My ex went into it to get 100% custody with me having little visitation because he's a doctor and hence a better person than I am. He actually told that to the judge.

When I divorced my son's father (over serial infidelity and abuse) I was able to force a custody evaluation by a team of 2 therapists who worked at a place called "Fathers and Family". They did a very exhaustive workup on my ex, our son (DS) and me. They determined that my ex had emotional problems, was abusive of DS. However, they like the judge, were reluctant to remove either parent from our DS's life no matter what crap his father dished out. And they knew what his father dished out.

One of the requirements of shared custody was that my ex had to attend counseling with DS for almost 2 years to get an extra day of time with him. (We had a 60/40 split)



DS had a hard time of it because his father continued to be abusive. One time middle school DS asked me to report something to social services. I did. But when they talked to DS, he decided not to talk about the abuse.

DS and I used to talk a lot about his dad and the abuse. He would ask my advice on how to handle things. I gave him as much help on that as I could.

When DS was in the 10th grade he was a very big kid.. larger than his father. Well they had an argument.. his dad started throwing things at him and hitting him. DS picked his father up by the throat and slammed him into the wall. He told his dad to never put a hand on him again. Then DS called his step brother to come pick him up.

That was the last day that DS every stayed at his father's house. It was also the last time his father put a hand on him. 

Today DS is 25. He has a good relationship with his father on his own terms. He's still in college, entering a master's in physics program in the fall.

After he was older, in his 20's, DS told me that even though his father was hard to deal with he would have never forgiven me had I taken him completely away from his father. He loves his father despite his flaws.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

The trial has cost me $20,000 in the short term. 

The reason for the trial is simple. My EX moved out on her terms. She moved a few miles away. She asked me to take the older two in exchange for the younger one. I said I'd take the older two, but I would not give up my time with the younger one.

She started seeing my other next door neighbor. She was having an affair with the next door neighbor's brother on the other side. 

I had to move and get away. I moved. I told her I wanted the boys to go to school where I lived. She didn't say anything, never replied and now we are in court.

It is ridiculous.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

The fighting the legal system for fighting sake is silly, useless and makes no sense.

I am putting untold professional's children through school. I have had it with the system... It has been expensive and intrusive. I am hearing professionals tell me stuff and I can tell you they can pound sand for all I care. They do make some valid points.

Fighting a court system is ludicrous. I actually had a conversation with my lawyer today and we spoke about the master... We agreed I was wronged. There was no justice, no care. I would not accept that we would just be 50-50 until trial and I wanted my say in court so she just hammered me because I had the audacity to want to have my day and to speak my mind.

The master should be disbarred honestly.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Justice is supposed to be blind. Based on facts and substantiated evidence, not gender bias. The family court system is one of the most unjust institutions ever forced on mankind. 

I'm just a stranger to you OP, but if it means anything, I hope you succeed.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Ripper said:


> Justice is supposed to be blind. Based on facts and substantiated evidence, not gender bias. The family court system is one of the most unjust institutions ever forced on mankind.
> 
> I'm just a stranger to you OP, but if it means anything, I hope you succeed.


I have succeeded. I have the admiration and respect of my boys. They know I love them. The legal part, we shall see...


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

So after the whole 'mom smashing the kid's face in the snow' incident, a few days later we have incident #2.

I had the boys over Tuesday night in February. We cooked streaks and potatoes together. I made extra steaks so I cut up the steaks thinly into strips and made steak sandwiches for them for their school lunch. I fried an egg, put it all on a croissant and did my dad magic. I also made chocolate covered strawberries with my youngest for desert. Melted peanut butter morsels, warm over strawberries is to die for btw.

I took them over to her house at 8. I had lunches packed for them. When I say good bye, I always hug them and kiss them and tell them I love them.

Well that night it seems that my EX saw the lunch that I packed for my middle boy and purposefully stepped on the lunch and crushed it, grinding her foot into it.

This pretty much got the boys upset. They were watching the Olympics and then went up to their little brothers room. They began throwing stuffed animals down the stairs. They ended up making a big mess. The whole time this was happening, my EX was standing by doing nothing and just taking pictures. She has to be the victim in all this. I get a text from my son about what happens that night. I get an email from my EX after her lawyer told her to send it to me the next day. Totally opposite stories... Both sides told the truth, both omitted details.

I had to go to the kids schools to get an idea of what actually happened. My EX antagonized the boys by stepping on their lunch and when they got pissed off and acted out, she just let it happen and stood by and took pictures and documented. All she does is document. This is very important if you are in a child custody fight. Document, document, document...

So I can never tell when my EX is lying. This is a point I have made several times.

She decided that as punishment for their behavior (which she instigated), she would take away their soccer and their phone (The things I do with them...) The following evening at 2:47AM in the morning, she took my oldest phone away from him. IT is how I contacted them.

I will continue this as their is a lot to learn and share but sleep does call to me.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

I believe in our state the children can decide who they wnat to live with when they are 13 years of age. Are there any laws like that in your state?

Learn to out-document her!


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

There are many, many judges in this country who should not be allowed within 100 yards of a courthouse. Judges can be some of the most vindictive, judgmental, biased individuals I have ever met. Their so-called "impartiality before the law" is something they never learned. Instead they are moralizers one way or the other, either on the left or the right, and both kinds can be just insufferable, especially in the way that they ruin other peoples' lives.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you hooked up with a father's rights group yet?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

PreRaphaelite said:


> There are many, many judges in this country who should not be allowed within 100 yards of a courthouse. Judges can be some of the most vindictive, judgmental, biased individuals I have ever met. Their so-called "impartiality before the law" is something they never learned. Instead they are moralizers one way or the other, either on the left or the right, and both kinds can be just insufferable, especially in the way that they ruin other peoples' lives.


It is my lawyer's belief that the judge 'made me pay' because she put an offer on the table to have the children go 50-50 as per our agreement till the court case was heard.

I refused. I wanted to be heard. My children have had their mother call the police on them three times. The judge actually blamed me for doing the right thing it was amazing.

Of course after her ruling, it wasn't but a few weeks where the mother who had seen her oldest maybe 5% of the time, now had them and ended up slamming the oldest's face in the snow repeatedly.

Absolute crock of justice.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> I believe in our state the children can decide who they wnat to live with when they are 13 years of age. Are there any laws like that in your state?
> 
> Learn to out-document her!


My children will be heard. They will tell those involved what they want.

My oldest 2 want to live with me most of the time. They would like to be with their mom 1 night a week and every other weekend. They want to go to school where I live. (This matters a lot because of my job.)

The youngest wants 50-50 or more with me. He wants to go to school where his brothers go.

This is what I have asked for. I'm not trying to take their mom away, but when they are with me they are in far less trouble, they do better in school and sports and they are happier.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

turnera said:


> Have you hooked up with a father's rights group yet?


No. I read the info, but talked to a father's rights lawyer and she told me what came to pass. The judge looks at you, makes up her mind and decides what the outcome will be and then has a trial to make it so.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Part III

After the second incident, my oldest sent a text to my EX and myself saying that he did not want to live with her any more because of the things that she did.

He listed the affair, her telling him to lie because he caught her. He listed the punching and abuse and bad parenting. He listed her boyfriend cussing at them, threatening them etc... He listed all the reasons why he is upset with her and she has never responded.

So the third incident happened at 2:47 AM. My EX took my oldest's phone that I bought from him. I told him it was going to happen. She takes it away from him all the time so he cannot contact me.

She did it at 2:47 AM. My son called me 8 times but I had the ringer off so I did not hear it till the next day. He was upset and broke a lamp. My EX used the excuse that he messed up her house so she was taking it away as punishment. 

She outlined a punishment she wanted installed for two weeks but took the phone away and the older boys soccer away as well. It is her go to. Take away what I pay for and do with them.

After asking for the phone 5 times via text, email, and phone I wrote an email to her telling her I will treat the phone as stolen property if I do not get it back. (One of the professionals made her give it back.) 

The three major incidences occurred and now it has settled down to an extent, but the boys are not happy.

I will continue to update this, but my oldest two have games in NY this weekend and it is a 6 hour drive. If they win, they move to the National Premier League so it is exciting.

I will get into the children's roles in what they can do and the professionals involved.

After this occurred, I got something I actually needed; time without the kids. It gave me a rest. I actually had a company vacation to Hawaii and it gave me time to work on my legal position. Proving your EX committed perjury 10 times in court takes a lot of effort.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Okay, I'm surprised your lawyer hasn't said anything, but you need to stop. I know you are angry, but the kids tantrums will not help you in any way. She has involved her lawyer, so she is going to document everything while all you have is "Adult said vs kid said." No, I am not calling you or your kids liars. You have a biased judge, the kids are acting up, they are sending adult level texts and being destructive.

I'm not trying to take sides, but be VERY careful before the judge takes away the 50/50 in an emergency hearing.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

My friend I am where you are. It is horrible how fathers are treated by the system. God bless you, keep fighting.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Part III
> 
> After the second incident, my oldest sent a text to my EX and myself saying that he did not want to live with her any more because of the things that she did.
> 
> ...


MovingAhead You know where she is in the Drama Triangle

Stay out of it.Bide yor time and work the system as best you can.

Play chess not checkers

55


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Can you ask your lawyer if it is legal for you to take a VAR with you whenever you are in contact? 

If it is because of false allegations and violence against your children, would that be a justification. 

At lest have one and make a transcript of your encounters and what she says and does.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Okay, I'm surprised your lawyer hasn't said anything, but you need to stop. I know you are angry, but the kids tantrums will not help you in any way. She has involved her lawyer, so she is going to document everything while all you have is "Adult said vs kid said." No, I am not calling you or your kids liars. You have a biased judge, the kids are acting up, they are sending adult level texts and being destructive.
> 
> I'm not trying to take sides, but be VERY careful before the judge takes away the 50/50 in an emergency hearing.


PBS,

I don't need to stop. I haven't done anything. My son is angry with his mother. When she was having an affair, he caught her. She told him to lie. He is carrying that resentment around with him. He is seeing a counselor which is what he needed to be doing for a long time.

I sent him to a counselor last year, but because we had joint legal custody, my EX made him stop going and there was nothing I could do about it.

She made him stop going because my son had issues with her. The counselor told her that and she didn't want to hear it so guess what, no more counseling. ... until now

Let me put it this way...

She slammed his face in the snow because of the passive aggressiveness of her boyfriend... I was nowhere around. I took him to his lawyer.

The acting out. They didn't just act out because they wanted to. They were antagonized by specific acts. His mother has not hugged him in 2 years. For the family reunion, she invited the other two children but did not invite him. How is he supposed to feel?

His psychologist told him to not act out and now he is behaving because he wants to be heard. He is not being a brat just for the sake of it. He was at the beach at overheard his mother talk about how she did the neighbor in the basement while we were married. I took him to counseling, she made him stop. What exactly am I supposed to 'stop' doing?

(This is two months ago by the way. I am just building the story. He is much better behaved now. He went from living with me 95% of the time to living with his mother 70% of the time and he does not like it. I will fill in the details. The professionals are important.)


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Can you ask your lawyer if it is legal for you to take a VAR with you whenever you are in contact?
> 
> If it is because of false allegations and violence against your children, would that be a justification.
> 
> At lest have one and make a transcript of your encounters and what she says and does.


My children told their BIA lawyer and their counselor exactly what happened. The process is the process. If you have ever dealt with CPS, it is kind of a joke. If the children say a parent beats them and the parent says nuh-uh, then it is all heresay. It is going through the process.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

just got it 55 said:


> MovingAhead You know where she is in the Drama Triangle
> 
> Stay out of it.Bide yor time and work the system as best you can.
> 
> ...


I understand. She wants a pity party. It is how she has been for the last 2+ years. I am not going down that road. I was just giving the background of what has happened to explain the roles of the people involved. If it were not for the professionals in this case, I would be absolutely screwed, because I tell the truth and my EX lies in court and who would know what to believe.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> (This is two months ago by the way. I am just building the story. He is much better behaved now.


So, all of this occurred BEFORE the court case?


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

This thread is gut wrenching. Hope everything turns out well for you and your kids, MovingAhead.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By MovingAhead*My oldest 2 want to live with me most of the time. They would like to be with their mom 1 night a week and every other weekend. They want to go to school where I live. (This matters a lot because of my job.)
> 
> The youngest wants 50-50 or more with me. He wants to go to school where his brothers go.



All three children want to be with their father as opposed to their mother. That tells me a LOT!

MovingAhead
*Does your state laws give any power to the child’s wants?
If yes, at what age?*


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

. If his location is correct, no offense to you MA, that's why I posted the way I did. 

Maryland is one of those states where they have to interview the child, but the judge doesn't have to heed the child's wishes.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So your son IS going to therapy during the 30% of his time that he's with you, right?


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> . If his location is correct, no offense to you MA, that's why I posted the way I did.
> 
> Maryland is one of those states where they have to interview the child, but the judge doesn't have to heed the child's wishes.


In NY the court can appoint a lawyer paid for by the state to represent the child...so they do that in your state?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

There are 3 relevant professionals in this case. They are the Best Interest Attorney, the children's attorney. There is the children's psychologist. There is the custody evaluator, and there is the parenting coordinator.

The BIA, is a court appointed attorney for the children. She was appointed by the court in the interest of the boys. She is to represent the best interests of the children.

The child's psychologist is there to understand the psyche of the children, to sit with them and get what is best for them. She talks to them. Their mother or myself takes them.

The custody evaluator is a court appointed evaluator who is going to tell me how bad of a parent I am and what I did wrong and how I can approve. She is going to state what is in the best interest of the children from a custody evaluation perspective. She is appointed to only 5% of the cases in the county, i.e. the most contentious.

Mine is very contentious. My EX expected me to walk away from my kids and pay her gobs of CS. I would never walk away from my children. They want to live with me most of the time and I support them far more than she ever did. We have an issue here of course.

The parenting coordinator is here to help us facilitate better communication between their mother and myself.

-- Long Weekend ,but oldest team won their league and now move to the National Premier League so very proud dad!


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> So, all of this occurred BEFORE the court case?


It occurred after the initial hearing but before the final trial. What is in place is temporary.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I have ADD, ADHD and I find it very difficult to focus. I am not organized. I never was. If I can find my phone, wallet, and keys at any given time, then I feel blessed.

My EX is much more organized than I am. She documents everything. She documents every text and email. She has a binder of it all in there and she is very very good on paper.

She is playing a game of chess in court, and I am not playing. I never did. I will not play the game. When I went through my personal hell of DDay etc. I did the introspection. I looked at myself and I owned my faults. I owned them all.

She knows me too well. She knows how to poke the bear. If she is kind to me, I say thank you. If she is cordial, I say ok, if she is nasty, I say F.U. She knows how to get a reaction out of me. In court, it is so much he said, she said. She has tons of documentation and can confuse and confound the issue with truth but leave out the important details.

This is an example:

My lawyer's question: Do you hug your oldest son?

Her truthful answer: I show him as much affection as I can to a 13 year old boy.

The more truthful answer: She has not hugged him in 2 years. Their relationship is bitter because my son believes she is only being nice to him now because we are in the middle of our court trial. This remains to be seen.

Example 2: My two oldest boys both played on 2 teams for the national championship in December in Florida for soccer.

Truthful statement: She was there and was at their games.

More truthful statement: She did attend their games but was far more interested in having fun in Florida. She did not watch her oldest start against the best team in the tournament. She did not watch the end of his game. She did not even speak to him the entire time he was there playing in the national championship tournament. She barely watched her middle boy as well and only spoke to him for two sentences in the days we were down there.

On paper my EX looks like a decent mom. At one time she was, but now my boys think she is more interested in partying and the neighbor than them. I don't disagree.

In my case the BIA is absolutely needed. I know my EX would have a great amount of documentation. I know she would find a way to make herself look good, but the truth of the matter is still the truth of the matter.

The boys get to tell their story to the BIA, their attorney. Without the BIA, it would just be he said, she said and there would be no way for the legal persons to ferret out the truth.

My two oldest want to see there mother like once a week and every other weekend. They actually want her to be part of their lives which is good, but they want her to be a decent mother. This is what she has not been for the longest time.

The reality is my EX looks good on paper. She goes to the school functions and doctors etc... She supports them in their games (on paper). The BIA is the only way that the truth will be heard. There will be my story, her story, and the kids stories. The kids stories will mostly align with my story. It was the only way that the truth could be heard.

In MD, there is no way that the courts would take the side of a man. To get to the truth, you need the truth spoken to many people. I knew going back in this was my only choice. I told my boys to 1. Speak the truth, and 2. Do the right thing.

The BIA is critical in discovering the truth, so the important thing is to remember, do the right thing and then it is easier to just tell the truth.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't know how much money you have, but is it possible to hire some sort of personal assistant for awhile who WILL be able to document all your stuff and present your stuff in a more aggressive manner, to counteract all her documenting?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

turnera said:


> Don't know how much money you have, but is it possible to hire some sort of personal assistant for awhile who WILL be able to document all your stuff and present your stuff in a more aggressive manner, to counteract all her documenting?


I have hundreds of pages of documentation. Tomes vs. Tomes. It doesn't really matter. The courts don't care about all that as long as you have the best interest in mind.

What will decide what matters is what is best for the kids. 

The funny thing is, the master ordering a reversal in custody until the trial while emotionally painful to me and the boys was extremely beneficial to me as I was able to cope with the pain and get the needful done. 

I have hundreds of pages to contradict hundreds of pages, but that leaves us in a state of confusion again.

It is the testimony of the children that will matter what happens to them. The boys and I have a great relationship. The boys and their mother, not so much. They tell the people in charge their perspective and these professionals will decide.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

SteveK said:


> In NY the court can appoint a lawyer paid for by the state to represent the child...so they do that in your state?


I have to pay for that lawyer... It's not cheap. It is absolutely necessary if you want to get past the bs and deceit sometimes.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> I have ADD, ADHD and I find it very difficult to focus. I am not organized. I never was. If I can find my phone, wallet, and keys at any given time, then I feel blessed.


I have a friend the same way, smart as hell, probably genius level, but so disorganized he hasn't finished school.

I knew there was something a little strange, but now I understand. She kept better organized BS that clouded the facts. Do you have a friend that can help you organize everything in a similar manner? Someone that won't irritate you if they tell you no or take control of that aspect of your life?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I have a friend the same way, smart as hell, probably genius level, but so disorganized he hasn't finished school.
> 
> I knew there was something a little strange, but now I understand. She kept better organized BS that clouded the facts. Do you have a friend that can help you organize everything in a similar manner? Someone that won't irritate you if they tell you no or take control of that aspect of your life?


That's what I was trying to say.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I have a friend the same way, smart as hell, probably genius level, but so disorganized he hasn't finished school.
> 
> I knew there was something a little strange, but now I understand. She kept better organized BS that clouded the facts. Do you have a friend that can help you organize everything in a similar manner? Someone that won't irritate you if they tell you no or take control of that aspect of your life?


I had my neighbor help me. I owe her dinner. I told her what I needed done, and I had all the information. She kept me on task while I got it done. I did it. I got all the documentation, but it doesn't really matter.

In my case, we will not be going to court. The professionals will write a recommendation and that will pretty much be that. The judge, if we go back to court will go and say do what the professionals think is right.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

When my kids were taken away, it was hard for everyone. IT was hard for the boys. It was hard for me. I am used to working and doing things with the kids until 10PM every day. The single dad thing is tough but worth it.

It just so happened that I did very well last year and our company gave us all a week in Hawaii for me and a guest. I was not going to go, but as my EX now had my kids and I had them very little that week, I asked one of the girls I am/was dating.

It just so happened that I had a beautiful week in Hawaii with a beautiful girl and it was very calming. It actually gave me time to do what I needed to do.

The girl I am dating has been going through her own healing process of dealing with infidelity. She is coming out of it nicely. She lives far away, but we see each other frequently so it is nice.

Of course, having a week in Hawaii at a top resort fully paid for is a nice to have. It was a wonderful vacation at a much needed time. I was able to clear my mind and press through with the needless details.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

Dude, you may need a better talk to your lawyer about getting their head in the game. I read the post about her answer about hugging the 13 year old. That was bull crap. A lawyer should have just outright gotten her to commit to a number or amount of times so that it could be challenged. As it stood, that answer was not responsive at all and let the judge fill in her own answer.

Still, this is temporary. You have to work at getting the advocates on your side. Get some good advice on people who have dealt with these folks before to find out how you need to come across. This is a chess game and alchemy. Earnestness with wisdom wins the day. Recon on the advocates, some post game recap with the lawyer to get some clarity, and then execute the plan. Perjurers can rarely keep up the facade. 

As for your ADD ADHD, find a system that works for you. Write stuff down, do a daily plan then check stuff off. Work shorter more frequent periods. You can do that. Good luck.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

bigfoot said:


> Dude, you may need a better talk to your lawyer about getting their head in the game. I read the post about her answer about hugging the 13 year old. That was bull crap. A lawyer should have just outright gotten her to commit to a number or amount of times so that it could be challenged. As it stood, that answer was not responsive at all and let the judge fill in her own answer.


I understand what you are saying. You have to read the first post and fully grasp what I meant.

*The master decided I was guilty in the first five minutes, then two hours later made it the case.* Her judgement was meant to absolutely punish me. You can tell me all the logic in the world and strategy etc..., but you cannot get past that simple sentence. You have to see what you have in front of you and realize what it is and deal with it as it is. I cannot pretend that this is college and it's theoretical time. This is my life and my children's.

My lawyer wanted to do a lot to prep for the upcoming trial, but I told her no. The trial will be won or lost based on what happens with the professionals. The court case would be a matter of formality after that.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

I read it. Believe me, I grasp it. As for the prep with your lawyer, I can only tell you this: I know several trial lawyers and divorce lawyers and they all swear that the key is preparation. Period. Go with the prep AND win the professionals over. 

I can't tell you how many times a mom had custody temporarily only to lose it due to the professionals siding with the dad. I personally saw that happen about a year ago with someone. Mom even had the Dad arrested for felony assault to strengthen her case. In the end, a well played strategy coupled with the wife's inability to keep the crazy under wraps for too long won out. This guy went from facing 20 years in prison and had been barred from seeing his kids for months (not even supervised visitation) to getting awarded full custody and his charges were dismissed. Preparation and strategy, period.

Court is often a dog and pony show. That is sad to say, but you gotta play the game, even though its your life and that is not a damn game. Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, I wish you would let your lawyer do what she thinks is best in addition to what the professionals do.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> I understand what you are saying. You have to read the first post and fully grasp what I meant.
> 
> *The master decided I was guilty in the first five minutes, then two hours later made it the case.* Her judgement was meant to absolutely punish me. You can tell me all the logic in the world and strategy etc..., but you cannot get past that simple sentence. You have to see what you have in front of you and realize what it is and deal with it as it is. I cannot pretend that this is college and it's theoretical time. This is my life and my children's.
> 
> My lawyer wanted to do a lot to prep for the upcoming trial, but I told her no. The trial will be won or lost based on what happens with the professionals. The court case would be a matter of formality after that.


My friend gets like this, dude you need to stop trying to control everything. Do the prep, listen to your lawyer and lose the "I can't win" attitude.

You realize, you are now theorizing yourself right?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I do notice something about your post, you sound determined to win but equally resigned to lose. 

You are going against some of the biggest bureaucratic agencies that have ever been cobbled together. The are big, disorganized and sloppy. You need to find the holes in their game. 

Have you read "David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants" by Malcolm Gladwell? Read it. 

There is a way to win by not playing their game. You said your wife knows where to poke you to get a response, don't make yourself accessible to her stick. Stop playing your wife's game. Completely stop today. 

You are playing on their field, their game, and their rules. Think outside of the box they have you in. 

Start being cooperative in all things , Don't fight your wife on her terms, in fact don't fight her at all.

Encourage your children to listen to their mother and to enjoy the time they have together. Tell the children to love and listen to their mother, 

Do what ever you can to support that relationship. 

If she is incapable of caring for them then it will be amply demonstrated. With you running interference it would be easy to say that you are encouraging the kids rebellion. 

You be the shelter in the storm. Be courteous and cooperative to a fault with the judge and all of the judgettes, secretaries and sub-secretaries. 

Treat your lawyer as if she is the second coming of Perry Mason. 

You will need to organize this chaos of professionals to do your work. They are rudderless and you can do this. 

You are smart, creative and determined. You see the big picture. Get the people who know to tell you wats going on. Be charming not angry and menacing. You can get people to tell you what is going on the inside

Work your show.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it...people like me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it...people like me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Good God. You deserve better. I'm so sorry man
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

DarkHoly said:


> Good God. You deserve better. I'm so sorry man
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We all :iagree::iagree:with that.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

This is the OP's problem.










Add a man getting forcibly sodomized and you will have an accurate portrait of the current family court system.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

bigfoot said:


> I read it. Believe me, I grasp it. As for the prep with your lawyer, I can only tell you this: I know several trial lawyers and divorce lawyers and they all swear that the key is preparation. Period. Go with the prep AND win the professionals over.
> 
> I can't tell you how many times a mom had custody temporarily only to lose it due to the professionals siding with the dad. I personally saw that happen about a year ago with someone. Mom even had the Dad arrested for felony assault to strengthen her case. In the end, a well played strategy coupled with the wife's inability to keep the crazy under wraps for too long won out. This guy went from facing 20 years in prison and had been barred from seeing his kids for months (not even supervised visitation) to getting awarded full custody and his charges were dismissed. Preparation and strategy, period.
> 
> Court is often a dog and pony show. That is sad to say, but you gotta play the game, even though its your life and that is not a damn game. Good luck.


I agree with this. I am writing this based on the past so people can learn from my experience. Preparation is key. Truth trumps all.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Please understand, I am writing this post from what happened two months to a month in the past. I am not writing too much about the present. This will all be decided in 1 to 2 weeks.

There is no 'winning' in this. There is only 'less losing'.


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## How am I Going to Surviv (Sep 12, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Please understand, I am writing this post from what happened two months to a month in the past. I am not writing too much about the present. This will all be decided in 1 to 2 weeks.
> 
> There is no 'winning' in this. There is only 'less losing'.


Just remember, none of those 'professionals' are on your side. They aren't even on your kids side. They each have their own personal agenda and concerns. They may be professionals, but a bad outcome for you or your kids does not impact them. They only want a good outcome for themselves.

In a recent case, the 'professionals' in Massachusetts took a child away from her parents because they didn't agree with an out-of-state medical diagnosis.

Teen in Mass. medical dispute heads to foster care 

I'd recommend having your lawyer do her thing. Preparation is key. Don't go to court with one hand tied behind your back if you can help it. Your kids are counting on you.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Yes, remember that they are going to do what makes their success rate numbers look the best for the public, as they are placed their by the public. I had a mortgage underwriter that was purposely devaluing houses and using non-standard comparisons to make his numbers match. When I complained that instead of using the 3 houses on the same street as mine for comparison he went to a depressed town 60 miles away. After all was said and done, I found out through the investigation that he had correctly valued several houses and been burned on them when the borrower defaulted, so since then he was purposely undervaluing the houses t=so that the loans wouldn't get approved and thus chance hurting his number more (as the only way the loans would be approved is if the borrower came in with 30% down or greater).


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Ripper said:


> Add a man getting forcibly sodomized and you will have an accurate portrait of the current family court system.


The term "family" court is a joke.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

The second professional that is involved is the child psychologist that was appointed by the court.

I had taken my boys to see a psychologist when my EX started dating my next door neighbor when our divorce was being finalized. My boys talked to the psychologist but my EX decided they no longer needed to see the original child psychologist because my EX was sent an email by the psychologist on what the boys wanted and what she could do better as a mother.

The boys have seen the psychologist a few times 5-6 and they talk to her. Basically, my kids are unloading on their mother.

They told the psychologist how their mother lies.
They told the psychologist how their mother punched them.
They spoke about her drinking, how she would leave them alone. They told her about how their mother doesn't help them with homework, how she doesn't support them in their sports etc... They told her about having their mother call the police on them 3 times and why and the things she does.

The counselor has gotten the pure unvarnished truth from the children. They spoke to her about how their mother tackled my oldest son and repeatedly slammed his face in the snow while straddling him.

The point I made to my lawyer and which she agrees is that if I as a man would have done any of the things my EX did, I would be locked up and never be allowed to see my kids again.

In my case where it is he said/she said and the she lies at a whim, it is critical that the voices of the children get heard. It changed the story from he said/she said to he said and the children also say the same thing/she said. The difference is her lies are unravelling. The truth is being heard. Will it matter? I really don't know.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> The second professional that is involved is the child psychologist that was appointed by the court.


You mean appointed by the same kangaroo court with the same misandrist judge?




> They told the psychologist how their mother lies.
> They told the psychologist how their mother punched them.
> They spoke about her drinking, how she would leave them alone. They told her about how their mother doesn't help them with homework, how she doesn't support them in their sports etc... They told her about having their mother call the police on them 3 times and why and the things she does.
> 
> ...


No, it won't matter. You have already highlighted the fact that all the facts are in and this woman judge who obviously hates men is going to side with your X. She will side with your X until she is somehow ever brought up on charges and removed from office, which would likely never happen.

Unless a miracle happens, the abuse you have suffered under this misandrist isn't likely to change. And since the new counselor is appointed by, I'm assuming, the very same court/judge, then they will be coddling your X.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

vellocet said:


> You mean appointed by the same kangaroo court with the same misandrist judge?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No, the woman who heard the initial case is a 'master'. She is not a judge. A judge will hear the final case if it gets to that point.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

Ripper said:


> This is the OP's problem.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


And women still can't figure out "Where Have All The Good Men Gone?" 

Bed. Made. Lie in it women...and enjoy your cats and wine. 

"Feminism is just women without the makeup" -- unknown


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Dreald said:


> And women still can't figure out "Where Have All The Good Men Gone?"
> 
> Bed. Made. Lie in it women...and enjoy your cats and wine.
> 
> "Feminism is just women without the makeup" -- unknown


Well now I don't want to put all women in that category, but you are right, many do wonder where all the good men went, and situations like this are just but one reason why.
I know I'll never commit again.

You can sheer sheep many times, but only skin them once.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

The third professional is the Custody Evaluator. The custody evaluator is the person who will most likely decide where the children will live.

She has set down with both their mother and I. She has gone over to the mother's house. She will actually be at my house tomorrow.

The custody evaluator is assigned to the most contentious cases in the county. Mine is one. The problem is I have a very high standard of ethics. I want the best for my kids and my EX is very selfish. There is inherent conflict.

She interviewed the children at the EX's house. 

This is the second time the boys laid into their mother.

They told her they all want to live with me the majority of the time. They told her about my EX's:

Drinking... When asked how many days a week does your mom drink, my little one answered '8'. I think that says a lot. That speaks volumes of the whole issue.

Hitting: My boys told her about the punching she did.

My EX is a bad person and a bad mother. It is hard to say that, but when you constantly choose selfishness over the betterment of your own children, well that makes you a bad person. It doesn't make you evil, but yes, it makes you a bad person. She could choose to be a decent person any time she wants but she does not choose to do so.

The bpys told her how their mom doesn't hug them, how she doesn't support them etc...

My boys have unloaded to all three of the people involved in making the decision as to where to stay so we will see.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Just damn. M, all that she has done, can't tear down the hard work you put in man, don't let her. Hold fast. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but this is hard to read, much less live. The worst is your dad passing on. I lost my dad, on my 40th, the same day man! I mean I was at hospice that day. As he was there for my first breaths, I was there at his last. As I type this I can already feel the tears welling up inside, damn trigger. Hold on man, it does get better, at least that's what I tell myself.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm really proud of your kids! Praying for you guys.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

turnera said:


> I'm really proud of your kids! Praying for you guys.


:iagree:
Good God no other way to say this she is a horrible person.

If you don't get primary custody she is sleeping with the judge.


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