# Reclaiming my house and my life



## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Score 1 for me. 

When my STBXW moved out, she trashed my house. Garbage everywhere, pictures of us on the floor, the whole 9 yards. I moved out and into my brothers' place because I didn't think I could afford to live there on my own and I had to get out of the family home for a while. 

About a month and a half ago, my family and I started cleaning it up and painting it and making it look awesome. I had a 4 day weekend this last weekend, and busted a bunch more out. And last night, for the first night since mid January, I slept in my house. 

And I mean MY house. All mine. My new paint colors. My new furniture. My new bed. My new curtains. My new artwork on the walls. My new dishes. MINE. Nobody can take that away from me. 

When I had my last load of stuff from my bros' place inside the entryway, and I locked the door behind me, and I turned around an looked at my awesome "new" living room, I cheered and nearly cried it felt so good. What a victory. She may have left and cheated, but she can't take this away from me. She lives in a tiny apartment in a sketchy part of town; I have my awesome house back in a great suburb. 

Tomorrow I'm putting together my kids' new bunk beds. This weekend, instead of sleeping at grandma and grandpa's, they'll sleep back at home again, back at Daddy's house where they have a yard and room to play and everything kids deserve. 

Money will be tight for a while. SUPER tight. But it'll be so worth it.

I love my new life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Go you! HOORAY! this is a really good first step for your new life, and I'm so proud of you!


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## Trojan John (Sep 30, 2011)

Brilliant! Must be very empowering. Your kids will be happy.
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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Woo hoo!!! Fabulous news. I wish you much joy in your "new" place!
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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Well done.

Have you changed the locks?


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## GTA06 (Feb 17, 2012)

GoodLuck and All the best for your new life......Surely something wonderful will pan out for you soon


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good going friend. Nothing is sexier to prospective girlfriends than a guy with a nice house. I have just finished moving all my STBXW's stuff out and am waiting for the funds to buy new furniture and start making it my own. Till then I will be patching and painting and working on new flooring. Total remodel. It's going to be fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Love your family!
They sound awesome.
I'm not much of a house person but I get it. I would love living somewhere that friends and family helped to fix up and outfit. That's a home, not a house.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Your post almost made me cry-out of joy for you!


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## EDCIJB (May 10, 2012)

Good for you. This is something I have thought about if our marriage ends in divorce. Reclaiming my house into the clean and orderly home that it was before we married.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all your kind words. 

There can be so much doom and gloom, which is perfectly understandable. Infidelity and divorce are really difficult things to cope and deal with. I just wanted to share with everyone that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that even if divorce is inevitable and in process, you CAN reclaim your life. It's hard and a hell of a lot of work, but oh so worth it. 

I love coming home now. I used to dread it when my STBXW and I were together, but now... It's so quiet there, and all mine, and so peaceful. It's my sanctuary. I sleep so good there. It's been a tumultuous journey, but one that I'm proud to say I've walked.

I emailed my STBXW last night letting her know i've 
I've back into my house and askedif I could have my stepdaughter this weekend along with my bio daughter so they can spend their first weekend at Daddy's house together...they grew up there, and I know they miss their home. She was very curt and just said "we already made plans for this weekend. Sorry." I laughed. I anticipated such a response, but I wanted to try anyway. I just said "No worries, hope you two have fun" and left it at that. I'll still have my bio daughter this weekend, so that'll be fun. 

I don't think she ever thought for a second I would move back into the house. That's a bold statement... That I'm moving on and planning my life without her in it. She wants nothing to do with the house, which I don't understand why...it's cute, a good size, has a nice back hard... I just don't get it. But now, I don't have to. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Very happy for you! My house if for sale, and I think selling it will help me in this process. As much as I would love to keep the house, it's very big for one person, and I don't have kids. Given my situation, I'm either going to get an apartment or a mini-home or small place. If my health holds up, I have 12-13 years until I can retire with a full pension. I want someone inexpensive so I can afford to invest, travel and pay down debt.

Again, really happy for you, you seem to be in a good place mentally, and house-wise.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> Very happy for you! My house if for sale, and I think selling it will help me in this process. As much as I would love to keep the house, it's very big for one person, and I don't have kids. Given my situation, I'm either going to get an apartment or a mini-home or small place. If my health holds up, I have 12-13 years until I can retire with a full pension. I want someone inexpensive so I can afford to invest, travel and pay down debt.
> 
> Again, really happy for you, you seem to be in a good place mentally, and house-wise.


Come to AZ and you can move in with me....split the mortgage. I got a big yard, view of the mountains, a pool, jacuzzi. We can do the Oscar and Felix thing till you get your own crib. 

Lots of smoking hot females here in AZ. They run a good 2 degrees higher in body temp than girls in the midwest, and they have all their teeth too.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Lots of smoking hot females here in AZ. They run a good 2 *degrees higher in body temp than girls in the midwest, and they have all their teeth too. *


Hey! 

I am from the Midwest!. grrrrr. 

...and I have all my teeth. 

That deserves a really, really angry face.... issed:
...and a capitalized grrrr. GRRRRRRRRR!

Not very nice Mr. Bandit...not nice at all. 


TFG...good for you for reclaiming your house! I just refinanced mine in my name. (My ex is no longer on the deed). I am looking forward to making some changes and making it my own this summer. ...although, I did most of the upkeep and repairs on it when we were married...so, there really isn't much evidence of my ex-husband in my home anymore. However, he did leave his monstrous, mega-sized 3D TV when he left me. I think that is the only thing that remains of him here anymore.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Come to AZ and you can move in with me....split the mortgage. I got a big yard, view of the mountains, a pool, jacuzzi. We can do the Oscar and Felix thing till you get your own crib.
> 
> Lots of smoking hot females here in AZ. They run a good 2 degrees higher in body temp than girls in the midwest, and they have all their teeth too.


Now there's an idea. 

Actually, two people from my hometown live in AZ. I went to high school with one of them. Her dad's is Ron Turcotte, who rode Secretariat to a Triple Crown win. Small world, huh?


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

jpr said:


> That deserves a really, really angry face.... issed:
> ...and a capitalized grrrr. GRRRRRRRRR!


You're so beautiful when you're angry.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I'm so glad for you. I can only imagine the satisfaction you feel of having YOUR HOUSE back. 

Having to live in someone else's place or not feeling like you live in your house is one of the ugly aspects of divorce/separation. Because of financial reasons (not able to pay for an apt of my own right now) I'm renting the first floor on my mother's two family house. I feel like painting and making the place my own but it's not my own. It's a psychological thing.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> I'm so glad for you. I can only imagine the satisfaction you feel of having YOUR HOUSE back.
> 
> Having to live in someone else's place or not feeling like you live in your house is one of the ugly aspects of divorce/separation. Because of financial reasons (not able to pay for an apt of my own right now) I'm renting the first floor on my mother's two family house. I feel like painting and making the place my own but it's not my own. It's a psychological thing.


Thank you. I totally understand what you mean. 

My STBXW got her own apartment about a month after us separating. Within just a few days she had it decorated and furnished and turned Ito a small little home for her and our daughters. I was staying in a spare bedroom at my brothers' duplex. Talk about a huge blow. Lol I made my room as mine as I could, but it just wasn't the same. But now, my house positively REEKS of me. Hmmm...that didn't come out right, let me start over: my house positively OOZES my style. Wait, I'm totally screwing thus up...

Lol Anyway, it's awesome to have my house back and have it be mine. I'm gonna have a housewarming party in a month or so to celebrate, and it'll be so great. Having my truly own place to call my own, and have it look really good, is so awesome. The walls are still pretty bare, but that will come in time.
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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Hearing stories like this makes me happy. Its good to know that people who have gone through similar stuff find halpiness later on. Enjoy your new house.
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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

toolforgrowth said:


> Talk about a huge blow. Lol I made my room as mine as I could, but it just wasn't the same. But now, my house positively REEKS of me. Hmmm...that didn't come out right, let me start over: my house positively OOZES my style. Wait, I'm totally screwing thus up...
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lemme fix this for ya. Your house is... you. It now reflects who you are now.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Yeah, it really does. Everything is neat and orderly, color combos are good. Lightly decorated. Has a living room that's definitely a guy room (leather sectional, hd tv, Xbox) but a sitting room that's very sophisticated for entertaining guests. Nice big kitchen for cooking. 

Had my music blaring until 11 pm last night while chatting with a lady friend online. The sheer departure from
what my life was like the last time I lived there is nothing short of extraordinary. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Hearing stories like this makes me happy. Its good to know that people who have gone through similar stuff find halpiness later on. Enjoy your new house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Cannot wait until I can move after the summer and get a place of my own!


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