# Are You Married to a Soulmate or a Life Partner?



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

So I read this interesting article about how people settle and marry a life partner, but then they meet their soulmate.

It says: "Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit."

Is this BS or do you really believe in this article?


The 10 Elements of a Soulmate | Dr. Carmen Harra


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

A lot of people marry to check off the box. Others marry because they are comfortable, are afraid to rock the boat, afraid to be alone or think that things are good enough. Those people don't meet their soulmates. They meet better fits. They experience infatuation like everyone else. 

So let's face it, anyone who truly settles in marriage is at risk for meeting someone who can by contrast, make them happier. Duh.

But for the love of all things intelligent, that woman is a crackpot.

Past lives????

Hogwash. How much you want to bet she is with someone she cheated with?

Bound by destiny?

What school did she get her alleged Ph.D. from? Madame Trelawney U?

I can't believe she has the balls to write such garbage. Huffington should be ashamed but quality isn't their forte.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I hate to display cynicism, and while I believe to be a romantic individual, words like soul mates and "the one and only" are best reserved for fairy tales, movies and greet cards...in real life they have done more damage than good, when used in letters, email, and conversations by misguided individuals.


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

I read it out-loud and my husband and I had a good chuckle. 

Soulmates lol.  Flashbacks of the past lol.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

When I read the article, to me it was a justification for her own failings and not reality. I have read about so many people on this thread that have their lives ripped apart by soul mates.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> Hogwash. How much you want to bet she is with someone she cheated with?
> 
> Bound by destiny?
> 
> ...


She actually did leave her first husband because their relationship was Karmic, even though they are soul mates. I guess a cheater just considers their relationship to be karmic because they were reenacting a specific enriching part of their life and need to move on.

In a later article, the author writes: "Karmic relationships can sometimes be soulful relationships, too, as I personally shared with my late husband. I knew he was my soulmate from the moment I met him. But I also knew we had a specific karma to reenact. Karmic relationships are enriching experiences that can be progressive, elevating and fulfilling, whether temporary or for the long term."

The 4 Kinds of Love RelationshipsÂ*|Â*Dr. Carmen Harra


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

To me people who are married but think, talk, dream about someone else being their soul mate is nothing more than the grass is greener scenario.
That and many times their so called soul mate is/was a high school flame maybe their first love and everything back in those days was better you know why.... no responsibilities few cares few worries.
Even a wayward may suddenly find their soul mate in the AP why same thing when they are with that person they don't have any cares or worries everything is in fantasy land so what's not to love.

An adult life especially a married one with children can be complicated to say the least, so many things in the air you have to juggle every single day it would be nice to think a soul mate would solve all those problems HA good friggin luck.

A caveat though sometimes people do marry the wrong person and it is a horror show but that usually shows up soon after marriage, don't complain 10/20/30 years later that you married the wrong person when things don't run smooth, unless there is a catastrophic event (cheating or abuse etc) it is part of being a married adult


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> So I read this interesting article about how people settle and marry a life partner, but then they meet their soulmate.
> 
> It says: "Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit."
> 
> ...


It's not a good idea to go into any relationship unless you are already entirely whole,healed,and intact with no missing pieces from your puzzle. I think a lot of people go in hoping to lean on another person to fill a void and it causes trouble. 
Dh enriches my spirit,supports me emotionally,and makes my life brighter than it would be without him. I was whole already before him. I don't know if that makes him a soulmate or a long term companion. It sure makes him an excellent partner though and that's really all I care about.

ETA went into article and read the 10 points...we've got 1-9 covered. 10 is mostly something we do unless we're driving,cooking,or otherwise occupied with other things instead of looking at each other. Eh,I still think it's odd to try to classify your partner as a soul mate or a life partner.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Yeah, the Flashbacks part shut me down quick:

"2. Flashbacks. If your partner is your soulmate, chances are he or she has been present in your past lives."

Am I married to the future Judy Jetson? I've always been into sprockets, but hate cogs.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

soulmate


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> What school did she get her alleged Ph.D. from? Madame Trelawney U?


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Soulmate. Pass the barf bag.

If you are with someone who is right for you (not necessarily the only one in the known universe) over time you adapt to each other such that you "fit together" in most if not all ways.

The idea that this "fit" comes instantly fully formed in the person of "the one" individual is patent rubbish.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

I'm married to my wife and the reality of who she is.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry. I couldn't get past "SOULMATE."

:rofl:


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

The list is a nice set of desiderata for a relationship (don't know about the past lives part). The problem with the idea of a soulmate is that it implies that only one person can meet that fit. The emotions of love are entirely separate from how well you fit which is why many marry unsuitable partners. But even if they have a great partner if they believe in the soulmate concept and someone comes along that triggers those emotions they can question their marriage. 

A zombie thread was awakened yesterday and Morituri stated it well:

"I do believe that there are many women who fall under the false belief that if they are powerfully attracted to another man who isn't their husband, that they have me the man the were meant to be with, their 'soul mate' if you will. Candygirl may or may not be one of them, but she has to know that if she values herself, her husband, her child, and her marriage, then she has to cut all contact with this OM before she makes a bad choice that will bring tragic consequences to everybody and which cannot be undone."

I agree with Mori that the concept of a soulmate complicates the situation when EAs develop.


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

Soulmates is a great term when you first start dating someone and you aren't dealing with anything other than getting to know them and dinners and sex and talking... 

Add a few kids and then marriage is more like survival. Hard to remember what the term soulmate even is when you have kids coming in your bed, you're up at the crack of dawn and you fall asleep on the couch at night.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

morrison723 said:


> Indeed, you can love many people throughout your life, but a soul-mate is one which makes your entire life beautiful… Difference lies in whether that person is your soul mate, your heart's other half, or just a life partner, a person who lacks the components to make you a truly compatible couple. Me and my fiance getting married in this September at long island wedding venus.


Best wishes,


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I understand the concept of soul mates and felt my x wife was it. Then she is passing out BJs at work like teachers give stickers at school and my perspective changes a bit. That relationship was built on how I felt about her and wanted her not with how much we had in common.

If you are to marry it is much much better to come at it from a logical position of how much do we have in common. Do we agree on sex, religion, politics, money and so on. If you get into this fantasy "I have such a strong connection with this person we were meant for one another" then what happens is you gloss over the areas that you don't see eye to eye on. And those issues don't become big problems year one. But year 10 your soul mate is now like sleeping with the enemy because you ignored your good common sense. 

So yes picking a life partner you meet 1/2 way on all things that are important to both of you is the way to go.

For anyone who can find both, the rare few, I'm envious


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

intuitionoramiwrong said:


> Add a few kids and then marriage is more like survival.


:rofl:


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

First of all, I intensely dislike the term "soulmate." That said, the term pretty well encompasses the description of our relationship - we are also ideal life partners, but _more_.

We both read the article. Item 2 is crap - the "woowoo" stuff does not impress us. Even so, my wife had deja vu experiences when we first met, going back to experiences when she was a teen. We'll discount item 2, but not dismiss it entirely.

Item 4 - love each other's flaws. No. We completely accept each other as we are, but we love each other's strengths and the flaws don't matter.

Item 6 - us against the world. Yes and no. We are a great team and partners, but we work in and with the world. Who needs conflict, anyway?

Item 7 - meh. More woowoo stuff, but we are very mentally attuned and in agreement.

Items 8, 9, 10 - yes. Items 1, 3, 5, most definitely.

Overall, we are much more than life companions, and we did have a nearly instant connection when we first met, unlike any we'd experienced with anyone else.

We attribute that to being intensely compatible, moreso than most people who do have to work at it much more than we do. So, call us soulmates, but we don't use that term.

The article is very lacking in any kind of scientific or psychological rigor, and like many such popular articles, perpetuates a dangerous myth that has only some basis in reality.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

The list…
1. It's something inside. 
2. Flashbacks. 
3. You just get each other. 
4. You fall in love with his (or her) flaws. 
5. It's intense. 
6. You two against the world. 
7. You're mentally inseparable. 
8. You feel secure and protected. 
9. You can't imagine your life without him (or her). 
10. You look each other in the eye. 

I’m an ole romantic. And yes, she’s my soulmate. What that article doesn’t say is how that can be broken. #4, she couldn’t accept them all and just cherry picked. #6, got broken because she couldn’t accept #4 so she started holding grudges and ‘getting me back’ and visa-versa with slow escalations over time. #8 fell apart as a result. Then the affairs. #9 was also wiped out as a ramification. #10 is partial because she has remorse and I have regret.

So, we have 1, 2, 3, partial 4, 5, 7, and partial 10. The other stuff is broken. Shattered souls.


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

Are You Married to a Soulmate or a Life Partner? Darn. all I got was a rock, er tramp, well never mind.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

That was a stellar response, X!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Dr. Carmen Harra - what a whacko.

She also predicts the future. She predicted for 2013.
1. Uprising in the Middle East
2. Natural disasters. She says the earth is releasing pent up energy because of mistreatment. And this will wake us up to save our planet.
3. Hugh revolution in governement. America will change and many leaders around the world will unite for progress.
4. Remarkable scientific breakthroughs. Particurlary "light therapy" will cure many diseases.
5.

Heck I not even going to go on with her stupid predictions which did not happen in 2013. 

She is a crackpot but is a weathy one at that.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

The scary thing is that this author has been a counselor for over 20 years. What happens when you are cheating on your past life marriage in this life with someone that is not your soulmate but merely your life partner in this life. Can your soulmate interfere with an affair? Who has superior claim to the relationship?


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Dr. Carmen Harra - what a whacko.
> 
> She also predicts the future. She predicted for 2013.
> 1. Uprising in the Middle East
> ...


Right. Most of us normal folks can't afford to be crackpots. We don't have either the money or the time.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Stevenj said:


> It says: "Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit."
> 
> Is this BS or do you really believe in this article?


Both are pretty close to what I have with my wife. And if that changes, I'll be gone. Don't give me no horse sh-t about it. I've been around long enough and known enough women to know the score. Pushing a cart up a steep grade with a woman who treats me second rate riding in it, is not my forte.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry. I couldn't get past "SOULMATE."
> 
> :rofl:




Agreed the soul mate concept is just as strange and dubious as bigfoot and loch ness monster


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

"Soul mate" .. this is the kind of nonsense that affairs and flings are made of. Then reality hits. People searching for soul mates and unicorns have done more harm than good.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stevenj said:


> The scary thing is that this author has been a counselor for over 20 years. What happens when you are cheating on your past life marriage in this life with someone that is not your soulmate but merely your life partner in this life. Can your soulmate interfere with an affair? Who has superior claim to the relationship?


LOL.. I've wondered something similar. What happens after death when you are all in heaven (or purgatory, or hell) when you run into the soul mates and marriage partners? That might be a pretty ugly scene.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Speaking of hell, I always thought Soul-mate was something Satan put in his morning coffee.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Stevenj said:


> So I read this interesting article about how people settle and marry a life partner, but then they meet their soulmate.
> 
> It says: "Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit."
> 
> ...


I would like to say that I'm married to my soulmate. 

NOBODY has ever made me feel as special as she does.


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

The major take-away for me:

Having a PhD publishing what she considers serious papers about nebulous, emotionally-driven concepts such as "soul mates" mostly serves to demonstrate the cheapening of true academia in our modern version of society.

Hack. Plain and simple.

That's the nice thing about social media. The idiots expose themselves to those who won't be deceived.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

So, we all have this one "soul mate" that we spent past lives with, what happens when they live across the country or on the other side of the world? How are we supposed to find them? Can she tell us that?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> So, we all have this one "soul mate" that we spent past lives with, what happens when they live across the country or on the other side of the world? How are we supposed to find them? Can she tell us that?


According to her bio she is also a psychic. though if you look at her past predictions she is not even close.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Don't all relationships hold those elements in the beginning, and therefore always feel like our "soulmates" at first? I've always felt that way a least for a while. It's the magic of the honeymoon stage. Honestly, I find those elements long lasting in my friendships... so I guess my friends are my true soulmates.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> So, we all have this one "soul mate" that we spent past lives with, what happens when they live across the country or on the other side of the world? How are we supposed to find them? Can she tell us that?


I got out of a bad marriage and was bound and determined that I was never going to get married again...

My solution was to never go out with the same girl more than twice in a row.

If a girl started to get clingy... I would tell them "Look I am not interested in getting married. If you want to get married, you need to be dating someone else." If they seemed to understand, I'd continue to date them... abiding by the 2 date rule. If they got clingy again, I'd quit dating them..

I finally ran into a girl that just knocked my socks off. I've had that brain rush that you get a lot when you first start dating a girl... When I met this girl... I was 10X's what I had ever felt before... It was way beyond anything that I'd felt before. 

But, the key was my 2 date rule. In hindsight, I realize that I keep my self out on the market... I kept moving. I dated plenty of girls I liked... certainly enough to have dated them steady... and maybe even have married them... I did not allow myself to simply fall into a relationship with Mrs. OK.

IMO, way too many people settle.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Thorburn said:


> According to her bio she is also a psychic. though if you look at her past predictions she is not even close.


One thing about psychics, horoscopes and fortune cookies is their predictions are always broad and ambiguous. Thus, they arguably did happen. How may psychics predict something like on June 4, 2014, in Boston on Mulberry street a homeless man will kill three people with a knife. They don't work like that. Was there an uprising in the Middle East? Sure in Syria. Where there natural disasters? Sure tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, just like every year. etc etc.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Hambone, I understand what you mean. 

I dated a lot of guys before I dated my husband. These guys knew I didn't want to be tied down and that I was dating other guys. When I went on my first date with my husband it was like, "Bam!" I no longer was interested in any one else and only wanted to be with him. There was definitely a connection and attraction there that hadn't been with any other guy. I've never felt like I settled.

I just don't believe that if I hadn't gone on that date with my husband, I would still be wandering the earth searching for my soul mate. I think we can have that connection and attraction with more than one person and be perfectly happy.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> Hambone, I understand what you mean.
> 
> I dated a lot of guys before I dated my husband. These guys knew I didn't want to be tied down and that I was dating other guys. When I went on my first date with my husband it was like, "Bam!" I no longer was interested in any one else and only wanted to be with him. There was definitely a connection and attraction there that hadn't been with any other guy. I've never felt like I settled.
> 
> I just don't believe that if I hadn't gone on that date with my husband, I would still be wandering the earth searching for my soul mate. I think we can have that connection and attraction with more than one person and be perfectly happy.


My wife is just such a perfect match... for ME! 

Her ex did not have the same appreciation for that I have. Qualities about her that I love... he found to be direct challenges to his authority. 

There might be other people out their that I could have met and been just as happy with... but, I cannot imagine meeting someone that I would be more happy with. 

Before I met her... I had been in love with a couple of people... but it wasn't reciprocal... are the feeling passed....

I just thought I was in love before. When I met my wife.. it was way more powerful than anything I had ever experienced.
Like you... it was game, set, match....


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## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

hm, I believe that maybe somewhere could be someone better for me than my actual husband but I don t even met that person and I even don t want.


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