# Ladies: What do you do about an overbearing mother-in-law?



## misslizzy89 (Mar 14, 2011)

My mother-in-law seems to think that she can run my husband's and my's marriage and it is really aggrivating. Now that I'm not bending to her every whim she has started telling my husband that we need to just get a divorce because "we fight too much". We only fight when we live with her because she gives him excuses to be lazy and he takes them (not that we don't fight when we live on our own but we fight more when we are around her). Oh and when I don't do as she wants.. she also spreads lies and rumors about me to my husband (about how I am when he isn't around) and to the rest of her family and friends. My husband admits she is overbearing but he won't do a thing about it. 

What would you do? We don't have another place to go for another month and I'm not so sure I will last that long!


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Miss,

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/self-help-marriage-relationship-programs/23023-dealing-laws.html

There is an article I just found from a website. It is talking about dealing with in-laws. Please read it and see if it can help. 

Personally I can't give you much advice because my mother-in-law is a very loving person, she is very understanding, she knows I am the wife her son chose, she just accepts me as her son's wife and she respects me a lot. What she does makes it very easy for me to respect her and love her!


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I had major issues with my MIL. One of my concerns was my H didnt stick up for me when she said horrible things about me. So I told him he had to enforce boundaries with her. He had to limit contact with her if she said bad things about me and he had to stop taking her calls all the time. I had all these rules for him. He followed them all and it did help me to know he was on my side. 

But after I saw how much it hurt him to fight with his mom and how confusing everything became I came to the point that i think the best approach is to stay out of it completely. I dont care if she says terrible things about me. I know my H stands up for me but I also know how terrible it would be for him if something happened to her and things ended badly between them. She had a heart attack a year ago and I thought how horrible it would be for him to have to live with the regret of fighting with her 'til she died. 

So although I cant be around his mom I dont say anything about how he handles things with her anymore. If she wants to come to visit that's fine but I ask that she stay at a hotel.


----------



## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Oh my goodness, could I write a book on this! Recently, I found out that my dear MIL told my hubby thqat he was a great father and that he did way too much to help me and didn't need to help. HE LITERALLY DID NOTHING! We have two chronically ill kids and I am disabled! Not that I am lazy but when I have been up 3-4. Nights with son,I expect some help!

She calls and asks how much I spent on groceries,if my hubby ate out or at work,if I went out. What do I buy,when my parents have been for a visit, you name it she thinks she should know.

Since this has been an issue in our marraige that the hubby has not stuck up for me when he knows that his family is clearly wrong. I have since drawn a line and I expect that he sticks up for his current family by telling his mom it is not her business! It will only get worse if you do not make a stand. I also have taken an active role by questioning her. When she asks something rudely, I ask why do you need to know? I also do not let her get away with smart a-- comments,I confront her right then and there. It has helped al lot. Try it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Keep your eyes on the prize, you'll be out soon.
Family dynamics are hard to change. You say that your husband is better when his mother isn't around. He can try to set boundaries with her.
My mother in law is very nice and kind to me. We are close, yet we live far away from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

