# 2 months on and nothing has changed



## Rainbownotsobright (Jan 20, 2012)

My H and I have been separated for 2 months now and I feel as lost as ever in our relationship. 

We have been going to mc and ic since we separated and I feel nothing has changed and that we are both in denial regarding different ‘issues’ in our relationship. 

I feel he continues to be in denial about:
- the extent of problems we have and what has caused us to arrive at this cross roads
- his role in our issues and the fact that he needs to be actively seeking change (if that is actually what he wants like he says it is) 
- not just thinking that ‘work’ in mc and ic is enough to change. 

I feel that I am in denial about:
- the fact that he is verbally abusive towards me (I know the way he treats me is not fair but never have I labelled it as abuse before)
- the fact that we are actually SEPERATED not just spending some time apart 
- the thoughts/dream that I have of us working out our marriage and stying together

I want us to continue working on our marriage and for us to be together is the main aim for both of us. I feel that us being separated is hindering out goal of staying together and that I am not giving us a fair shot at making this work (because I haven’t moved back in). He wants me to move back in and asks me multiple times per day when we will see each other or talk or when I am coming home. I know from our behaviour over the past 2 months that we have not made enough changes (both individually and couple changes) that we need to see for us to work. 

I’m asking although I know nothing has changed would moving back in strengthen or weaken our chances of moving ahead successfully? As I don’t feel working on our marriage while we are separated is working either. 
I am so apprehensive about moving back in when no changes have been made that we will just slip further behind and make things worse. 
AND, if moving back in is a no go what else can I do?

Any suggestions and very appreciated…
Thanks in advance


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Look,


my advice - and take it with a grain of salt. If he is abusing you, then stay seperated and focus on yourself. What has led you to take a drastic action, doesn't go away. It must be worked on by the two of you. MC and IC will help,

but the space and time to heal, is far more important.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

dalvin_au said:


> Look,
> 
> 
> my advice - and take it with a grain of salt. If he is abusing you, then stay seperated and focus on yourself. What has led you to take a drastic action, doesn't go away. It must be worked on by the two of you. MC and IC will help,
> ...


:iagree: You and alone_not_lonely (another member from Australia) should talk. It looks like you're going through some of the same problems.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Unfortunately it sounds like we are in a similar situation, sorry to hear it, Rainbow.

Just came across this and saw OldGirl's post. Time apart is definitely the best thing to work this out I think, as I was advised... be cautious about your return if there is abuse involved, and keep your distance until there is a proven track record of good behaviour (which I know isn't easy to identify when you are living apart).

It's a good thing you are both in IC, if anything it's a start. But, yes, I do think moving back in at this point probably won't help things for either of you. Once you can both better manage your personal situations, it gives the relationship a stronger foundation.

Again, please be cautious and I wish you the best of luck  PM me any time if you wish.


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