# So close to separation



## blonde23005 (Jan 12, 2012)

I have been engaged for a year now and am supposed to be getting married on August 4th, 2012. The past year has been less than stellar in our relationship. We decided to buy a house last year and move in together.

I work a mandatory 50 hours a week and go to school full time. He also works 35-40 hours per week and is also a full time student. We barely see each other as it is but to make matters worse we rented out our house and now have 2 roommates in order to lower our rent and save more money for the wedding. Any alone time that we do get, is usually interrupted or prolonged for times when the roommates are gone. 

We haven't had an intimate opportunity for almost 6 weeks, went out on a date night since before Christmas and are usually fighting about something stupid. He is working on a second degree and won't be graduating for 2 more years, whereas I will be graduating in May.

I have personally started to feel different about our relationship. I'm not sure if this is a "normal" feeling that all soon-to-be-married individuals are feeling or this is completely different. 

I feel as if he is holding me back from my future because I am waiting for him to finish school. I also know its not fair to be impatient with him because he is trying to better his future as well. I also feel as if I am taking care of him because I make more money and have to usually pay for more of the expenses. 

This is starting to take a toll on me because I want a man who can take care of me and wants to provide for me. I also am looking for someone who can take control in our intimate times. It also seems like we are in each others' roles instead of ours. 

Every time we talk about the current issues we are both open and very contributing but then a few weeks later we are in the exact same spot again. I am starting to lose faith that we will work on our issues or have our relationship change for the better. I feel like I am trapped either way with the wedding coming up shortly!

I'm so desperate with any piece of advice good or bad.


----------



## midforties (Jan 10, 2012)

I'm not a therapist, but I am the father of a daughter in college and I'll just tell you what I'd suggest to her, postpone the wedding. Too many kids get married before they live, and it sounds like your life is living you instead of the other way around. My daughter is in a similar situation, living with her boyfriend because it's financially convenient with big plans for the future, but she has doubts, too, as he's still immature. How often do you hear about people who regret getting married too young?
The house makes it complicated. I'd say slow down, graduate and take time to breathe. Wait til he graduates and gets his career in order. Marriage is a huge committment, but it changes little but your tax returns if you already have a house and are living together. He's not going anywhere, and when things settle down you'll know better how you feel about him. And be up front and honest with him about it. Maybe once he has a career he'll grow up and be the man you want. My wife and I were best friends for 20 years. If not, you've only had the house a year or so. Just take whatever down payment you put in and walk, let him get a renter.


----------



## sadinsalem (Jan 12, 2012)

I would say the same.. Wait for awhile, and when you do marry, do something fun like eloping to Las Vegas or something....


----------



## Saseira (Jan 2, 2012)

I think midforties hit the nail on the head. WAIT to get married. Wait until you have more time, have finished school and have the finances in order. If only I had taken that advice myself... If it doesn't feel quite right now, don't do it. Doesn't mean you have to split up, but just put the wedding on hold for now.


----------

