# separated



## Jvo302 (May 28, 2015)

Here's my story. I'm 26yrs old and so is my wife. We met throu mutual friends. I met her 2 yrs ago and I fell in love. I had never met someone who I wanted to do so much for, I had crappy jobs in the past but I finally had a good job before I met her to finally look into starting my life and move out of my parents house. Before I met her I was already paying debts and planning towards buying a home. We met, things started out a bit fast but we ended up going out, we both enjoyed our company and we were in love. She still lived at her parents house, she brought the idea of wanting a family and living together within a few months. I never had anyone tell me that or motivate me towards that so I took on a 2nd job to speed the financial things up. I had 2 jobs and went to college, I'm an automotive technician so I'd do side jobs also on the weekend on top of everything else. Time passed i was always working but I stopped by her house to see her everyday, took her out when I could and she said she understood my sacrifices for us, I got a storage unit. Started buying furniture little by little for when we'd move in together. Took a lot of effort on my part as I thought everything was going good, she blew up on me one night that I was all talk, wasn't getting anywhere, I been buying a house for the longest. That made me feel so bad, that only made me work harder. We ended up settling for an apt to test the waters on our own. 5 days before moving in I went to Zales and bought her a ring. I barely had time to do so and stopped by after class, I proposed and got turned down. She's always thought she's a princess, she said she wanted a custom ring not one anyone can have, that she didn't expect me to propose at her parents house, the proposal wasn't cute or planned and that I ruined it and wouldn't be the same if I ever tried again. We bumped heads often cause she was such a control freak, compared me to her ex. I slowly figured out she had a lot of growing up to do. So we live together, I had to do all the calls for cable, electricity, etc while working a lot cause she had no time but she had time for Facebook. I'd tell her and she'd say your not my dad, wouldn't cook I did most of the cooking. Even got mad cause I'd bring food from my mom and said to stop, said my mom thinks she don't feed me when she really doesn't, I have 5 uniforms, wouldn't wash em sometimes. She didn't want to take on responsibilities. Forward to this valentine's day we found out we were expecting. She had no insurance so we got married through court to add her on my insurance. She said she wanted to marry me with a wedding later but for now for our baby. We still bumped heads, she's compared me t her ex, still was ungrateful to me, talked down on me and verbally abused lost it, cursed her out and said things but I did not touch her. So she left since April 2nd to her parents house. Says I'm psycho, I need help, and that she wouldn't come back unless I seeked help and talked to her dad. At 1st I didn't want to do any because I know me and I'm not crazy, I didn't marry her dad, I didn't hit her so our problems are not her dad's concern. I ended up making an appointment to a psychologist and talked to her parents. She's very demanding, bossy and controlling. Said if in 2 months she saw improvement she'd come back. Dr said I have no issues other than holding things in and blowing up, her parents want us to work out and now suddenly she cahnged like a light switch. Wants a divorce, nothing to do with me, now she says she was never deeply in love with me, the 1 thing we had in common was wanting a family nothing else, our marriage was never supposed to happen, the whole 2yr relationship has been hell and she stayed cause she thought a baby would change things. I wasn't perfect either but nothing bad to where I'd give her reasons to act this way,.I haven't seen her in a month, I check up on her about the pregnancy. I've tried all I could but she wants to hear nothing regarding us. Says she doesn't want or need anything from me not even child support just to be a dad to the baby. Says she's been out of it for a while and doesn't want back in. I don't know what else to do, I feel I've done all I could. If it was hell the whole time why stay and want a baby with a so called monster? It's heartbreaking as I've always loved kids and always said I would never put my child through a divorce. Any advice


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Paragraphs, please, It will get you more replies if it's readable. 

Advice...

Don't be with someone who treats you like you described.

Don't think she is something other than what she shows you.

Don't believe this is all you deserve. 

Read, No More Mr. Nice Guy

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-better-man-better-partner.html


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## Jvo302 (May 28, 2015)

Sorry about no paragraphs. 

I really don't know what to believe any more, she would tell me all these things despite our differences. But she's always been a control freak, so bossy and demanding, she admitted she was very demanding in the past and that she wouldn't make that mistake again but she did again with me. We argued because I would defend myself, she could curse but I couldn't , she could change her tone but I couldn't because I'd be "screaming". She could do so many things and it be ok but the moment I would it would be wrong. I admit that sometimes I could of handled things differently but I would blow up and tell her off but I never layer a hand on her.

She said she loved me, she had never moved out of her parents house because she wanted to do so with someone who she can build a life with, made me believe that was me. A month ago when I saw her it turns out she was never deeply in love with me, our marriage wasn't supposed to happen because that's when 2 people want to build a life together. I told her I was deeply in love and wanted that and she said "well we were never on the same page because I never did" that she only married me for the insurance for the baby.

Before all this, right after our argument she still said she loved me, wanted to be a single happy family and still wanted to work it out BUT she said her rules about anger management and talking to her dad because when that happened he didn't like seeing his little princess crying so she said. I didn't think I needed anger management nor talk to her dad as this was our issue but for my child's sake I agreed to it. I had already made an appointment and I suggested she should seek therapy as well so we can both be better people as she seems to have anxiety for crying and breaking down with symptoms of ocd as well. She flipped and said that's not part of the plan, do u really think there's nothing wrong with you, you're crazy, you verbally abuse me and "almost" hit me, your issues are an emergency mine aren't. 

She still had me on fb, only our parents knew and she still wanted me to go to her family dinners,easter and all like nothing happened. She likes to cover her true self, she'd want nothing with me, said everytime she talked to me she knew why she left and wanted strictly about the baby. We don't know the gender and also said she had boys named picked out and asked if I liked them, I said no and she blew up that I was being negative /defensive. That she was stickin to them and if I didn't like it to take her to court. So she then asked about making a baby announcement on fb so I wouldn't feel left out, I told her to do as she pleases as my opinions don't matter anyway. anyway . she said fine do your own announcement. So I did and she blows up that I took that from her, that she's sad I would do that to her. But I was like I can't be around the pregnancy, she won't let me name the baby,the least I can do is announce to my friends/family of being a dad. After that she deleted me from fb. Doesn't call me at all but once to say she had stomach /back pain. Besides that I don't look for her only regarding the pregnancy. 

It honestly hurts that shes so passive like none of this hurts her, doesn't bother her, said to let it go, to let her go that I should move on as she already started to. Walked out on me without a care in the world stuck with all the bills. How can someone move on so fast? Said she thought a baby would change our troubled relationship but it didn't. We rarely had sex,I'd had to beg or do something for her to even want to like cook her breakfast. but how is that giving it chance if the baby is not even born yet and she walked. Says she thinks what ppl will say to the child and already carries the guilt for walking. She's ok if people and got judge her for divorcing. I've done all I could as I'm still going to therapy for ME and my child, I realize I can't make someone who doesn't want to be here be here so I told her if she's sure she wants a divorce then so be it. 

Baby is due in 5 months, a lot can happen in that time but I'm done trying to fix this as I'm leaving it in God's hands. She can file for divorce now but the court won't grant it now till the baby is born. She said she would take care of it asap. So all I can do is be a better man, look forward to being a dad and she what happens if she files or not. I'll see her tomorrow, it will be awkward but I'm just going for the baby. I will do my best to be strong and not show weakness. Wish me luck


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* jvo: She has bestowed upon you a very invaluable gift ~ the gift of foresight into the absolute living hell that she was destined to put you through! Consider your self extremely fortunate! 

Not exactly knowing exactly how long that you've been effectively married to her, if it's anything less than a year, you may be able to qualify for an annulment rather than a traditional divorce! It's far less expensive!

With that being said, you still will have undergo a custody hearing when your child is born. Keep in mind that she cannot keep you from seeing or exercising parental visitation with the child, as you'll likely have visitation rights every other weekend'! But you will be required to pay monthly child support until they reach the age of 18! Get yourself to an attorney and be informed of your legal rights!

Write this girl off as simply a bad experience as a W. There are far better and mature young women who will absolutely love you for the man that you are!

So sorry to see you here at TAM, but you have come to the best place for advise and spiritual healing!*


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Arb is on the money.

Do you want to be with this type of person? You seem to know she's immature and selfish. She's not ready to be a life partner. It will take her a lot more time to grow up, if she does. 

That means you have to be the adult, to give your child a stable parent. Become the best man and father you can be. No fighting, yelling or arguing. Read the links. Look up the 180 list.

Best


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## Jvo302 (May 28, 2015)

Thanks guys I really need the support. We got married March 12th and she left 3wks later. The annulment would of applied within 2 months in my state, but since she's pregnant we can't divorce just yet even though she can file for it. I wish this was the hormones but I doubt it.

I've been going to marriage counseling alone, he says she's still a little girl who really thinks she's a princess. I honestly at first those would say that as a joke but she seriously thinks she is. I've read abit about the 180 although I haven't really put it into effect. My mc says it seems she wasn't ready for commitment, responsibility or the real world. That I shouldn't feel bad as I did all I could and that I shouldn't have taken the blame for everything as it takes 2 people. That I can't do anything anymore but be there for my child.

I already scheduled a consultation with an attorney to know my rights. As of me I just plan to focus on myself and stay busy a day at a time from now till my child comes. It's very painful as I never experienced my parents going thru a divorce as they are still together. I never thought I'd put my child through it, that's what hurts me the most. She says she's ok being judged by God for chosing a divorce. I feel cheated out of my dream of a family as I've I've always loved kids, uncle for 14yrs. But everyday I see that I don't want a life with someone like that.


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## Jvo302 (May 28, 2015)

I don't know what world she lives in but she said if it would of happened the way she wanted, we would of gotten married like a prince and a princess, bought a house, had a baby and everything would of been beautiful. Says she wants nothing nor needs nothing from me but said she would like to take pregnancy pictured together or even a gender reveal party TOGETHER with both our families. I denied both as that would be so awkward. All I tried to do was make her be responsible, anyway I'm just hoping to see how tomorrow goes and to find out what the baby will be.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Jvo: That woman of yours absolutely sounds crazier than a peach orchard sow!*


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## Jvo302 (May 28, 2015)

Yeah I know and she says I'm psycho and a monster. I'm done worrying about what she says, I've let her words control my emotions, the fear of her not loving me control my actions and have let her actually guess myself if I was really crazy but I know I'm not. Psychologist is very nice as he said that if in court she tries to say I need to be supervised cause im "crazy" when I have my child he'll be happy to go to court and back me up.

I stopped working out, hanging out with my friends, stopped looking out for my own interests and hobbies all for pleasing her. Since she left I lost 20lbs due to depression but I took that as an advantage to hit the gym hard, been hanging out with my friends and family staying busy. I'm a big gearhead so I finally treated myself to some parts for my mustang. It feels good to do things for ME again as I was so focused on her.

Now this 180? What's the main purpose, as of now I don't even know if I even want her back, I just want to move on and be prepared to be a dad. I moved back to my parents house in the mean time to save money for my baby and my own home as I was renting the apt. I'd have to wait till after the divorce to purchase a home but hopefully I can manage with the child support and my other bills then. I just hope she sticks to her words of her moving on and being sure it's done as I dk if I would ever take her back if she would even decide to.


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