# 9 months in and seperated. plse help



## mollymax (Jul 18, 2011)

i have been married for 9 months we're both 27. both first time being married. We have officially been together for 3 years but have been close for 5 years. Out of no where my husband came to me saying he hasnt been happy for the last six months. i was blind sided. he said that the thoughts and feelings he has in his head wont let him move forward to work on them, he also said that these issues shouldnt happen six months into a marriage and that the first year of marriage should be fun and laughs. we argue about little things like sheets and that i am not as social as he;d like me to be. i have been working on all of those things. we were so happy the last 3 years inseperable, even his parents told him that i made him the happiest they've ever seen him. he now tells me i dont know who i am. and at this time we are seperated. I know we could work through this but hes not willing to do so because he feels like this doesn't happen in a marriage esp the first year and i honestly dont think divorce is even in the question for me. i need help. what do i do???


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

First question for you, do you truly want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Is it possible there were signs there during the time you were dating and before you got married that maybe he wasn't happy and those signs were ignored? Or maybe he wasn't happy but put on a front like he was, which is rather deceitful. 

I'm all for trying to work on things, BUT, if he isn't willing, then you may be fighting a loosing battle. Also, if he was so happy the first 3 years or so, what changed all of a sudden? 

It seems he likes to point out what is wrong with you. How you're not as social as he would like. How you do not know who you are. What would make him feel like this suddenly?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'd like to throw out this idea for you to ponder: your husband idealized marriage. As someone who has never been married, he was living under the illusion that the first year is fun, friends, partying, going out, blah, blah, blah. 

The reality is, once you're married, things start to change. Like it or not. Marriage is very hard work. It has its good times and bad. People fall in and out of love with one another. Raging hormones that equate to lust and lots of sex quiet down. Now comes the daily ho-hum of him leaving the toilet seat up for the zillionth time, or you mindlessly twirling your hair while you're watching t.v. The little things that didn't seem big start bothering us when we're living together day in and day out as married partners.

Are you sure, as the previous poster asked, there weren't some signs that something was amiss with your husband? If you truly believe you were blindsided by his proclamation of unhappiness, do you have any grounds whatsoever to suspect an EA or a PA?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Prodigal said:


> If you truly believe you were blindsided by his proclamation of unhappiness, do you have any grounds whatsoever to suspect an EA or a PA?


That was going to be my question as well. Married only 9 months, and your husband tells you out of the 9 months married, 6 months he hasn't been happy? You haven't noticed any changes in him during these 6 months he hasn't been happy?


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## mollymax (Jul 18, 2011)

i do want to be with him, i've nvr been happier in my life. there were subtle changes like him wanting me to hang out more with my friends and he would always tell me im happier when my sisters around. But he tries to make it seem like its ok bc he says im not happy almost justifying his unhappiness. But i feel like his unhappiness is coming from somewhere deeper, not from our small bickering about sheets and how my day at work was so bad. 

What is an EA OR PA???


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

mollymax said:


> i do want to be with him, i've nvr been happier in my life. there were subtle changes like him wanting me to hang out more with my friends and he would always tell me im happier when my sisters around. But he tries to make it seem like its ok bc he says im not happy almost justifying his unhappiness. But i feel like his unhappiness is coming from somewhere deeper, not from our small bickering about sheets and how my day at work was so bad.
> 
> What is an EA OR PA???


EA= Emotional Affair

PA= Physical Affair

he wants you to hang out more with your friends and you seem happier when you're around your sisters? So he doesn't think you seem happy when you hang out with him?


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## mollymax (Jul 18, 2011)

I am beyond happy when we hang out, but lately hes only been wanting to hang out with his friends and doesnt come home until 11 at night. im not staying at our home right now im giving him his space and time to think, but i am at a loss for words right now, i just dont know why someone who once was so happy just changes that quickly. and would not want to work through it.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

mollymax said:


> I am beyond happy when we hang out, but lately hes only been wanting to hang out with his friends and doesnt come home until 11 at night. im not staying at our home right now im giving him his space and time to think, but i am at a loss for words right now, i just dont know why someone who once was so happy just changes that quickly. and would not want to work through it.


My next question, how do you know for sure he is hanging out with his friends? I think its time to get some answers. However, I doubt you will get answers or the real answers from him. 

If you really want to know why he "suddenly changed" you are gonna have to dig a little deeper. I'm not so sure his sudden change has to do with hanging out more with this friends.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

mollymax said:


> i just dont know why someone who once was so happy just changes that quickly. and would not want to work through it.


IMO, his mind is elsewhere, thats why he doesn't want to work through it. I think its possible someone else has his attention. If that is the case, you can expect him to not want to work through it. His mind isn't on fixing or trying to save his marriage. You're not his priority you're his option.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

If he is willing could you go to marriage counseling where maybe you could discuss your feelings better? Counseling didn't work yet for my relationship but I've read many positive stories on here. Maybe it could at least help you get to the bottom of his feelings. Maybe it is an affair or maybe he's just confused and doesn't know how to change how he is feeling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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