# Marraige and Health



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Following on from the 'Benefits vs Negatives of Marriage for Men', I had always treated the correlation of marriage and good health to be like the one of marriage and good career, i.e. the latter gives rise to the marriage rather than marriage giving rise to the good career and health.

It seems lots have had positive experiences where they feel they are healthier for being married. 

Is this really common?

I must say, for every girlfriend that expressed concern about a symptom, there have been a few in my experience who were anxious to tell me that I had no idea what it was like to be ill. Furthermore, being relatively stress-free and having more time meant I tended to be in better shape while single.

Of course, we tend to go by our own experiences. A few report the opposite.

What are yours?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I am in better shape single than when I was married, but that's because my XW was a great cook and I ate more than I should have. I was happy when I was married and I'm happy single, so that didn't change. I think there is less stress being single since I have one less person to worry about.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think there are two aspects to consider: fitness, and health. Fitness may take a hit when you marry, because you have less time for yourself, and it's easier to become a little complacent when you're not keeping fit in order to maximize your ability to attract a partner. Health, though, may improve, especially later in life, because your partner will see changes and advocate for (nag? lol) you to follow up on potential problems. Married men - in general - see their doctor more frequently than they might if single, so problems may be caught earlier and dealt with more effectively. It can also work for women, but women tend to take better care of themselves to begin with, so there is less long term benefit - of course there are plenty of exceptions.

Of course, you don't have to be married to enjoy the potential health benefits, as any long term loving relationship will provide the same benefits.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> I am in better shape single than when I was married, but that's because my XW was a great cook and I ate more than I should have. I was happy when I was married and I'm happy single, so that didn't change. I think there is less stress being single since I have one less person to worry about.


Can't blame the good cook for your over eating. :wink2:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

-My W cooks healthy. I would not if single. I know this as I would buy pizza, fast food and other crap when single. 
Not to mention I drank like a fish when single. 
-My W found me a primary physician and schedules wellness visits. I would not do this on my own. If it don't hurt 
I don't need a doctor is my frame of mind. My W likes preventative care. 
-I have stressful days at work but home life stress my W handles. Day to day house upkeep, grocery shopping, etc. 
She does all of this during the week so we may have a stress free weekend together. If I was single this would be 
left to me as well as working a full time job.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I dunno. I go back and forth on the issue. When I was married I now realize that I was very unhappy. I was just waiting to die. I never would have killed myself but I had let a few health issues go. I ate healthier for sure because my ex was the food Nazi, but at the same time I had some other things I just let go because I didn't care. I just made sure the insurance was paid and waited for the inevitable. Once I got divorced I fell into an even deeper depression. I lost 45 lbs, mainly from not eating and stress. I finally decided to start working out, and I did like crazy for a while. I used to lift, spin, ride bike, run and/or do yoga everyday. I got into some pretty good shape. But then my life began to fill with more social things and I started drinking more than I had in a long while. I am more content now, I would not call me happy. I try to eat better, but convenience often wins out. I don't exercise as much as I would like. So to me it is a double edged sword. When I was married I was willing to die for my ex, now that I am single I am not motivated to really live for myself or I would take better care of myself.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Ynot said:


> I dunno. I go back and forth on the issue. When I was married I now realize that I was very unhappy. I was just waiting to die. I never would have killed myself but I had let a few health issues go. I ate healthier for sure because my ex was the food Nazi, but at the same time I had some other things I just let go because I didn't care. I just made sure the insurance was paid and waited for the inevitable. Once I got divorced I fell into an even deeper depression. I lost 45 lbs, mainly from not eating and stress. I finally decided to start working out, and I did like crazy for a while. I used to lift, spin, ride bike, run and/or do yoga everyday. I got into some pretty good shape. But then my life began to fill with more social things and I started drinking more than I had in a long while. I am more content now, I would not call me happy. I try to eat better, but convenience often wins out. I don't exercise as much as I would like. So to me it is a double edged sword. When I was married I was willing to die for my ex, now that I am single I am not motivated to really live for myself or I would take better care of myself.


You need a hug.

Sorry life is tough


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Can't blame the good cook for your over eating. :wink2:


Agreed. I am a good cook also and I always stayed in shape married or single. Being active and not over-eating is a way of life that you consciously maintain (or not).


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Mr The Other said:


> You need a hug.
> 
> Sorry life is tough


Actually I just need laid. It has been about a month


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Ynot said:


> now that I am single I am not motivated to really live for myself or I would take better care of myself.


I understand this sentiment @Ynot more than I ever wanted to. I allowed myself to be beaten down mentally in my former marriage also.

You must find ways to live for yourself and love yourself. I found that volunteering locally (caring for others) and strenuous physical activity helped me tremendously in getting back to my former self and confidence levels. It’s almost like you have to focus outward while you are healing inward and it takes time, but it will happen.

Focus on your strengths and abilities, practice and develop them ... they are what make you unique and irreplaceable in this world.

Hugs to you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Reports show that married men especially are healthier and live longer than divorced and single ones. We are both healthier being married that we were before.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Reports show that married men especially are healthier and live longer than divorced and single ones. We are both healthier being married that we were before.


That only applies if the marriage itself is healthy ... a toxic relationship can make you sick from all types of stress-related illness.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I was miserable married. Neglected and depressed I just couldn’t see it then. I am much happier now. No doubt I am healthier. I really think this will go along the lines of if you’re in a good marriage you’re good and if in a bad marriage doomed.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Apart from the times I would like to smack him upside the head, I take very good care of MrH. I want him to be happy and healthy and live a long, fulfilling life. He eats less meat than before we met (his choice) and feels much better for it. Plenty of sex and laughter which no doubt adds to overall better health.

I'm with the PPs that said it is dependent on the marriage - good marriage / good health, bad marriage / bad health.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Red Sonja said:


> That only applies if the marriage itself is healthy ... a toxic relationship can make you sick from all types of stress-related illness.


Oh yes it can. Physical and psychological ailments.
Takes a long time to work through even with help


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Red Sonja said:


> That only applies if the marriage itself is healthy ... a toxic relationship can make you sick from all types of stress-related illness.


The studies don't differentiate between types of marriages.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> The studies don't differentiate between types of marriages.


Yeah, but real life does.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Reports show that married men especially are healthier and live longer than divorced and single ones. We are both healthier being married that we were before.


I am strong and healthy and likely to get married again.

Were I to be fat, weak and seriously ill, I suggest that would be unlikely.

That I got divorced fairly young also correlates with good health.

There are more factors at play. TBF to myself, I did explain this in the original post. Married men tend to have better income, I am sure no-one seriously suggests marriage is directly good for the career?


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Mr The Other said:


> I am sure no-one seriously suggests marriage is directly good for the career?


I would, especially if you have a good support system at home in the form of a spouse.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Red Sonja said:


> I would, especially if you have a good support system at home in the form of a spouse.


Thanks!

We all judge from our experiences, and at the moment I am actually using the terrible advice I had. 

Most men in good marriages gave terrible advice, listen to her, the occasional date like - basically, do not be terrible. They actually had no idea of the depths of understanding and effort that some men in bad marriages went to.

Equally, in my marriage, my ex- would have considered herself to be a strong emotional support while I was going through a hard time. Of course, my hard time was working unGody hours as I was the only one working, and coming home to a messy, dirty house and sexless marraige. 

I have to remember there are men and women out there who take a huge amount for granted.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Red Sonja said:


> I would, especially if you have a good support system at home in the form of a spouse.


MrH had an excellent career before he met me, he would still have one regardless. What I do offer is a safe haven, a happy life, to unburden his at home work load, to care for and love him. This support system gives him more happiness which does boost his work life. So yes a good marriage can help the spouses career.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> MrH had an excellent career before he met me, he would still have one regardless. What I do offer is a safe haven, a happy life, to unburden his at home work load, to care for and love him. This support system gives him more happiness which does boost his work life. So yes a good marriage can help the spouses career.


The most successful men are often in happiest relationships and when I was engaged, my fiancee would help considerably with housework, cooking, income etc and it took a great deal of weight off me. It almost certainly helped my career. It was a great time and the boost to my career was the least of it! I will also say that the men in the happiest relationships eagerly offered really bad relationship advice and were oblivious to how easy they had it.

However, I would say that relationships and people vary a great deal and I would not like to assume that was typical. I must also say, I assume this counts both ways, for women who are ambitious in a career, the husband can be a great help or a hinderence.

That said, I have been poor and in those days, a long term relationship was not really a possibility!


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