# Why Do I still Remember Her?



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

I Don't know.

Its been 1 Year since the Separation.

I thought we were made for each other.

Wanted to live by her all my life.

Pain and Betrayal is Exruciating.


----------



## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I'm sorry. I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. I was asked recently if I have progressed at all in the past year. I didn't realize until I thought about it. Think about it, have you progressed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

you may never forget but you eventually you will move on.


----------



## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I will never forget the day I said my vows, the days we looked at each other after the birth of our kids..

But I will forget how she left me a note on the counter and walked out on the girls and I, I will forget her telling me that she doesn't love me, or the day she told me about her new boyfriend.

The pain is hard to let go.. but the good things will always remind me that at one point we were the best couple on the planet but now we are best apart living our lives in different directions.

Choose your path. Pain or looking for love again.

I suppose you haven't found someone new yet?


----------



## ExisaWAW (Mar 5, 2013)

zappy said:


> I Don't know.
> 
> Its been 1 Year since the Separation.
> 
> ...


I hear you Zappy! Hang in there. I've finally come to terms with the fact that God has me exactly where he wants me. And that hasn't been easy, trust me. 1.5 years ago I had a terrific job making about $200k/ yr, lived in a 7,000 sqft house, I was worth over a million $$, was happily married to my wife & a devoted Dad to my 2 little girls. Now I am divorced, unemployed, money running out, living in an apt, and I have had bad days where I was so depressed it was a struggle getting out of bed. 

And yet, I am learning to trust God. I am learning to have faith. Faith is all I have left. I do my part. I am still a loving Dad, I look for work everyday, I go to church twice a week and I pray multiple times per day. I know things will get better in God's time. Why my xW destroyed something so beautiful will always be a mystery to me. 

Maybe God wanted this to happen, I'm not sure. God gave my xW freewill and she made the poor choices. I'll always look back on my married life with a smile. At this point it almost seems like someone else's life. When I look at the pictures, it's hard to believe I really was there. 

We'll make it Zappy. There's something amazing waiting for us. We are being tested. Trust God.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

ExisaWAW - Boy, I can only imagine what you have been going through Sir.

Like you mentioned Handsome Salary, Amazing House, Beautiful kids (Just like a dream ) and all gone in 60 seconds. I hear you man.

We will make it sir. And we will be more confident, go getter and successful in our lives.

I 100% agree with you that it is God's plan.

I don't have any kids but can feel the pain you have to go through when kids are invloved.

Why on earth wives walk away, it is beyond my fudging imagination.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Dadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> I will never forget the day I said my vows, the days we looked at each other after the birth of our kids..
> 
> But I will forget how she left me a note on the counter and walked out on the girls and I, I will forget her telling me that she doesn't love me, or the day she told me about her new boyfriend.
> 
> ...



It sounds so unreal when I look at your story.

How can a woman walk out on her kids and a doting husband. She must have had a heart of Granite Stone.

I haven't found anyone yet because that yearn is gone for now, may be in near future I will start rebuilding my life again with someone else.

Its the memories of time spent with her, that is really really hard to forget.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

I am still unable to accept the reality that my wife is forcing me to sign D papers.

She is not even ready to talk to me and have already made a cop call me when I tried to text her once. The cop said don't reach out to her or they will take action against me.

In this country you can't even reach out to your wife of 4 years either by text or email, that is beyond my imagination.

I couldn't believe the detective called and said don't reach out to her. All I did was send a one liner "I love you so much" and she reported it.

how can someone hate someone with that intensity that they are not even ready to talk and dump the 4 year relation just like the drop of a hat.


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

That "forced" no contact will actually help you, believe it or not.

Stop living in the past. 

Focus on the present. Focusing on enjoying your alone-ness. Get a hobby. Get a life. 

Your happiness should not be dependent on another person. Until you are good with you, you will never have a successful relationship.

Sorry for the bluntness.


----------



## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

You know, sometimes I think I'd be better off if my ex acted like your stbx. I mean yeah being ignored like that has got to be heartbreaking. But, my ex reponds quickly just about every time I call or text her, no matter what it's about. In my mental state (shock, denial, etc) I twist that into false hope. It doesn't help that she tells me she went through with our divorce not because she had moved on and that she was done with me, but because she was (is) mad at me. Again, I'm thinking, "ok....she's just upset....she'll get over it and she'll want me back!" At least your wife is shooting straight with you, as painful as it may be. 

So sorry you're having to go through this, man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

zappy said:


> I am still unable to accept the reality that my wife is forcing me to sign D papers.
> 
> She is not even ready to talk to me and have already made a cop call me when I tried to text her once. The cop said don't reach out to her or they will take action against me.
> 
> ...


If the police are involved it sounds like there must have been some other things going on that led to that action, perhaps something in the form of a legal action not to contact?


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Good to see you out sharing and helping others, Hank.

Feels good to try to counsel others that are hurting, doesn't it?

Stay strong brother,
Stretch


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> That "forced" no contact will actually help you, believe it or not.
> 
> Stop living in the past.
> 
> ...


ThreeStrikes - I was having a conversation with my friend last night, where I was telling him that if my wife would have done it amicably, I would have been okay. But it is the betrayal and intense hate towards me that I am unable to digest.

She left home while I was in the gym, when I came back I saw she was gone. I went to her friend's place to get her and she threatened to call cops if I didn't leave.

Then she aborted our first child (she was almost 5 1/2 months pregnant), not only that she took false restraining orders against me so I could not contact her. The RO lasted 6 months from Nov 12 to May 13.

I am speechless when it comes to cruelty because I ahve been a direct victim of that.

And my heart still pines for her.......something is not right with me I believe.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

hank_rea said:


> You know, sometimes I think I'd be better off if my ex acted like your stbx. I mean yeah being ignored like that has got to be heartbreaking. But, my ex reponds quickly just about every time I call or text her, no matter what it's about. In my mental state (shock, denial, etc) I twist that into false hope. It doesn't help that she tells me she went through with our divorce not because she had moved on and that she was done with me, but because she was (is) mad at me. Again, I'm thinking, "ok....she's just upset....she'll get over it and she'll want me back!" At least your wife is shooting straight with you, as painful as it may be.
> 
> So sorry you're having to go through this, man.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hank I have read your story - it is excruciating but atleast you get to see or hear from your ex wife every now and then whereas I was left abandoned by my wife, who did not speak to me at all after she left on July 1, 2012.

She became extinct like Dinosaures and any action on my part to send her a text or email was reported to cops as harassment.

Every second of the time I spent with her for 4 years have gone into total waste. All the household chores, all the shopping, maintaining a household, all efforts i put together to secure our lives financially, everything went into drain.

And that is what hurts me.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Maneo said:


> If the police are involved it sounds like there must have been some other things going on that led to that action, perhaps something in the form of a legal action not to contact?


yeah Maneo....she got into wrong hands of 29-30 year old divorced women who abetted her to abort the baby and live a lifestyle of an independent single lady.

So in order to walk away from her motherly responsibilities she terminated the pregnancy and took rest orders against me so I could not contact her at all.

the most painful thing is we both planned the baby and I was looking very much forward to see the baby come into the world.


----------



## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

zappy said:


> hank I have read your story - it is excruciating but atleast you get to see or hear from your ex wife every now and then whereas I was left abandoned by my wife, who did not speak to me at all after she left on July 1, 2012.
> 
> She became extinct like Dinosaures and any action on my part to send her a text or email was reported to cops as harassment.
> 
> ...


I can understand and while this is probably the last thing you want to hear now, she simply isn't good enough for you. You deserve a woman who will fully appreciate what you have to offer. I know the rejection hurts like hell, but in the long run you'll see she has done you a favor. I'm hoping I get to that stage soon. My ex just ended all communications with me as well. It's for the best though. Staying in contact with her, infrequent as it was, wasn't helping me heal. It gave me false hope and slowed me down. Now is the time for me to really try and get over her because quite frankly, I do not have a choice. I wish you the best of luck, my brother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

You are a good man Hank and it saddens me to see, what men have to go through because of their wives.

Only I know how have I survived on my job and health in the last 1 year. Because very second, while eating, dressing, showering, driving, I keep thinking how could she do that to me.

I mean how, I feels like I'm one notch below Death, that is the kind of pain she has given me.

God be with you Hank in this terrible time and give you wisdom and good health.


----------



## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

zappy said:


> hank I have read your story - it is excruciating but atleast you get to see or hear from your ex wife every now and then whereas I was left abandoned by my wife, who did not speak to me at all after she left on July 1, 2012.
> 
> She became extinct like Dinosaures and any action on my part to send her a text or email was reported to cops as harassment.
> 
> ...


The more painful an experience, the more there is to learn from it. But you must get past the pain in order to do that. A year is what I have heard to be the amount of time it takes to get over a divorce. I hope you can find the lessons of the past 4 years... those years weren't meaningless. In fact, you can come out on the other side a stronger man if you decide to. I know it's hard, but get out of the misery as quickly as you can.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

It is like you are sentencing someone to be behind bars for 25 years for shoplifting a candy bar at WALMART.

This is how she reacted.....you can not end a marriage based on trivial instances.

I don't know what to learn from this, I loved her with all my heart.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

OMG that realy jolted ME that she aborted the baby at 5 and 1/2 months! Is that even legal? 

Man I can't imagine how that messed your heart up. That alone, without anything else, would be SO hard to swallow. My prayers go out to God for you, friend.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Why Do I still Remember Her?*



zappy said:


> .....you can not end a marriage based on trivial instances.


Sure you can.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

zappy said:


> It is like you are sentencing someone to be behind bars for 25 years for a shoplifting a candy bar at WALMART.
> 
> This is how she reacted.....you can not end a marriage based on trivial instances.
> 
> I don't know what to learn from this, I loved her with all my heart.


zappy, you have to start letting it go brother.

I'm not saying it will be easy - but at some point you have start moving on. Wallowing will get you no where. 

Don't remain stuck.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

doubletrouble said:


> OMG that realy jolted ME that she *aborted the baby at 5 and 1/2 months*! Is that even legal?
> 
> .


That is truly sick.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> OMG that realy jolted ME that she aborted the baby at 5 and 1/2 months! Is that even legal?
> 
> Man I can't imagine how that messed your heart up. That alone, without anything else, would be SO hard to swallow. My prayers go out to God for you, friend.


DT - I used to make fresh orange, apple and carrot juice for my preg wife so our baby could be beautiful and healthy.

That was our first baby and I was excited to be called Daddy/ Popsi... but she took all away and aborted the baby at 5 1/2 months.

I believe she went to DC to abort the baby (girl) and later on sent me an email saying you don't love me enough and looking at the past 3 years I have decided to terminate this pregnancy.

I was at work and I felt lightening flowing in my veins, I was utterly trembling and rushed to meet her but she was nowhere to be found because I had no idea where was she living after she left our residence.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

06Daddio08 said:


> Sure you can.


No Brother No.

Marriage is a big big thing, as Bible says there is no record of wrong in a marriage and you can't just end it.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

ReGroup said:


> zappy, you have to start letting it go brother.
> 
> I'm not saying it will be easy - but at some point you have start moving on. Wallowing will get you no where.
> 
> Don't remain stuck.


I try so hard RG.

but anytime I drink whiskey or listen to a sad song, it bring tears down my eyes thinking why it all happened to me.

It is NOT the physical attachment but it is the EMOTIONAL attachment that tears me apart.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

That is one thing so vicious about this country - how can doctors operate to kill a child at 5-6 months, which is practically a full grown baby.

I wish she was not in America, In India if you abort a kid and that too a baby girl, you will be sentenced to 5 years imprisonment.

It is a big big crime in India but here doctors don't feel a bit before killing a helpless kid. What a twisted fudge man....


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Why Do I still Remember Her?*



zappy said:


> No Brother No.
> 
> Marriage is a big big thing, as Bible says there is no record of wrong in a marriage and you can't just end it.


Many different views in the world and the only one you can control is yours.


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

zappy said:


> No Brother No.
> 
> Marriage is a big big thing, as Bible says there is no record of wrong in a marriage and you can't just end it.


She's not reading your Bible.

It takes two to make a marriage, but only one to end it.

Life is not fair, Zappy.

Focus on you. Ask yourself how you can love a woman who would behave this way. What is it about you that would want to be married to someone like her?

Be glad you are not married to such a woman anymore.


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Also understand that grieving takes time.

Take the time to grieve the ending of your marriage. Google the steps to the grieving process. Come to understand what stage you are in. Try not to get stuck.

Time will help.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

TS - I know the reason why it is so hard for me to forget her, she was not only my wife but the first love of my life.

I have never been in a relationship and she was the first one. She always used to say that we are made for each other.

There are a combination of factors that takes me back to the past:-

1) The way she left (abruptly and took all belongings)

2) Aborting the kid at almost 6 months

3) Calling cops on me

4) Taking RO against me

5) Betraying me to the highest degree

6) Neglecting and Abandoning Me

7) Sucking me financially and mooching off of me for 4 years

8) Putting me and my family through emotional harassment

If I try to get past one things, next thing takes over, you know what I mean.

She infact turned my own friends against me, who were never really true friends anyhow.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

zappy said:


> 1) The way she left (abruptly and took all belongings)
> 
> 2) Aborting the kid at almost 6 months
> 
> ...


And you're still pining for this woman?

Dude, look at that list! Stare at it.

No way you'll pick a worse woman for yourself next time around - if you give yourself a chance.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

zappy said:


> No Brother No.
> 
> Marriage is a big big thing, as Bible says there is no record of wrong in a marriage and you can't just end it.


Bible says you can end it for infidelity. I would argue that murdering your 5.5 month old baby is infidelity to a very large degree. Actually, my copy (yes I keep one here at work too) says "adultery" so I'll just say .... wow.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

One thing to think about, since this was your first relationship, is that you really need to have some more experience in life and relationships before you commit for the next time. And there WILL be a next time... But it takes a while to learn the ropes of an adult relationship, and a lot of work (on both sides). 

So take your time, be alert, set boundaries, and when you fall in love again (you will), give it all you got!!


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

ReGroup said:


> And you're still pining for this woman?
> 
> Dude, look at that list! Stare at it.
> 
> *No way you'll pick a worse woman for yourself next time around - if you give yourself a chance*.



True words of wisdome RG....

It's just I'm so scared to get married again because the kind of hell I had been through.

Also is it easy to start a new life with somebody else again?

What if the old memories keep coming or emerging?

Thank you for your input...


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> One thing to think about, since this was your first relationship, is that you really need to have some more experience in life and relationships before you commit for the next time. And there WILL be a next time... But it takes a while to learn the ropes of an adult relationship, and a lot of work (on both sides).
> 
> So take your time, be alert, set boundaries, and when you fall in love again (you will), give it all you got!!


You are right DT - May be I was a little immature when it came to handling a husband/ wife relationship but that's the way I have always been.

joking around, being funny, making everyone laugh, taking life easy, an extrovert and just being a go getter.

May be I would need to devise ways to be more mature and grounded when it comes to marriage.

But my wife loved my funny nature, apparantly not anymore.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

New Flash zappy, we sometimes fail in life.

With failure comes experience... You are better equipped today than you were yesterday.

Look at this way - you were married to this woman for a couple of years and you produced that hideous list. Imagine how long that list would be if your marriage would have continued.

She did you a favor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Very Sage advise RG.

This life seems so long without a partner, weekends become never ending stream of thoughts and empty home bites you.

Life seemd to be so busy when she was there, weekends used to be so much fun, movies, walk, cooking.

I don't cook anymore, I just can't do it. Wanted to buy a house with her surrounded by trees and open space where our kids could grow up but its gone.

I just don't know what to do at this point of time in life.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Everyone I talk to, they get baffled by the fact that a mother could abort a baby so late in pregnancy......

Wouldn't she be thinking, looking at other small kids that at one point of time she had one in her belly......


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

God should not create these kind of women........


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Are you in IC?


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

IC wouldn't help brother, believe me I have tried.

Its just the pain, that is never ending.

When I talk to my folks, they sound so sad over the phone which tears my heart.

I just wish this time to pass....that's it sir.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Time does heal the greatest wounds.

I am way better off now than I was same time last year.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Because you love(d) her


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

You remember Jellybeans  ?

I still wonders sometimes how can she destroy such a a good family.

Good thing is I would have never known how does Hell look/feel like if she hadn't put me in this situation 

Atleast now I can say with 100% confidence - I have been through hell  :0


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: Why Do I still Remember Her?*



zappy said:


> God should not create these kind of women........


I don't think he does. The ways of the world we live in do. I think if God himself came down and told these women they are making a mistake, they still would not listen.


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Even though I haven't talked to my STBXW in almost 10 months and I'm over her, I still miss her, or should i say miss having a partner, very much. This week I was looking at moving out of the current city I am in and decided to look at a house to rent. I was walking through the house and just felt...well....blah  I was just wishing i had someone to be and live with. I at sometimes looked over my shoulder to see if she was there looking at the place with me, like we have done before. 

The feeling sucks. I'm ready to move on and i know a new relationship will fix most of my feelings, but man it SUCKS.


----------



## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

The being alone is what scares the crap out of me. I never have been alone for more than 2 weeks and I am 48 

I have seen in several posts the term IC. I have slowly figured mots of the other terms, but this one just stumps me


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

independent Counseling


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

noas55 said:


> The being alone is what scares the crap out of me. I never have been alone for more than 2 weeks and I am 48
> 
> I have seen in several posts the term IC. I have slowly figured mots of the other terms, but this one just stumps me


I completely get that one - I'm 44 was married almost 25 years. I'm okay right now on my own - once in a while I wish I had someone but I know its too soon - but the thought of never finding someone & growing old alone really gets to me.

Hang in there Zappy - you need to start to let go & worry about yourself & moving on.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Hi Smallsteps - I completely get your feeling, I'm 31 (no kids) and still feel lonely without my partner so I can only imagine how painful it will be when kids are involved.

I know this woman from Divorce Recovery Group I used to go to, she is 59 amd her husband is 56 and together they have grandchildren from their first son.

Every time I talk to her she sounds so miserable because her husband left her at this age for another woman who is also 56. She feels so lonely and orginially from Iceland (her husband is American).

I mean I don't understand how people can leave their own families for other men/women.

This society is getting worse by the second where individuals just yearn for a chance or excue to get out of a marriage or relationship.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

I've come to Miami for a week to see a friend. She is so awesome and the way she treats me have made me realize that I have had not remembered Deepti (my wife) in the past few days. It never happens b/c I remember Deepti every second of my life.

She is one of the best friends one could have.

Life seems so bleak and dark now but like someone said above this feeling will go away when we find a new partner to share our life with.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Time in Miami was awesome, really enjoyed it with my friends.

Now back to Virginia and same schedule.

Its been more than 1 year since she left but I still miss her so very much. Life was full of colors when she was with me but now it feels empty.


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Zappy I feel for you.. My wife left me and my 2 kids pretty much.. She does the same no contact thing. After 19 years it went from I'm sorry I don't love you to not wanting to talk to me or see my oldest son.

It is sad about the abortion. But in a harsh way it is fortunate your child wasn't born into this. I know the pain my kids are feeling because I felt it when my dad left when I was 12.. The difference is this is their mother.. 

I find it hard to let go myself. Though not seeing her or speaking to her for you will help you out. The day I didn't have to see her cell phone bill anymore was a day of less stress for me. I didn't see it then, but I noticed it days later.. It was one less thing I needed to worry about or stress over..


You need therapy.. Weekly Therapy. Like myself, you just need to learn to be your own man.. Again easier said then done, trust me I know. But it is what everyone is telling me as well. 

I find it hard to be alone myself as well. I wish there was some magic words or something I could tell you that would make this easier. God knows I wish there was because I would be doing it.

This is something you will have to live through. Fortunately this will make you stronger. I know myself I thought I couldn't survive 7 months ago. Today I am ashamed I even thought that. 

Further there is nothing wrong with loving her. God knows I should hate my STBXW as well but I've come to the reality I don't. She did me VERY wrong, but after it is all said an done I love her. 

I don't expect her back. I wouldn't take her back like this. But I'm not ashamed to love her and let her go and she knows that as well.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

There could be no better councilors than my parents and they try to put sense into me every day so I could forget Deepti.

But even that is not working, the way she betrayed me makes it so difficult for me to understand the reasoning behind all this.

She hates me with utmost intensity and I love her with my blood.

hth - I believe I am a strong guy but when it come to the love of my life I start falling apart. I'm completely alone in this country, just I, me and myself.


----------



## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

zappy said:


> Life was full of colors when she was with me but now it feels empty.


I know the feeling. I believe my story is very similar to yours in that we were both blindsided by our wives (well, mine is no longer married to me) and they were both our first loves. (forgive me if I'm mistaking you for someone else...hard to keep up with all the details of every story) That makes it especially hard to let go. I've only been apart from my ex for 4 months, and I couldn't imagine going through this for another 8. Everyone says it gets easier, but I wish I could hurry up and wake up from this nightmare. They say, "focus on yourself"..."don't waste energy thinking about her". Yeah....and if I can manage to get just two minutes out of the day where I don't think about my ex, there she is in my dreams. I contemplate suicide weekly. This is just too much to handle. I wish there was some way to erase the memory of my ex wife and the last 9 years from my mind completely. I just want to enjoy things again. 

Sorry if I went off in a tangent. I can't offer any words of encouragement because I'm going through this same hell you are. I guess you can take comfort in knowing you are not alone (that doesn't help me when people say it, but maybe it will be beneficial to you). Again, wishing you luck, man....wishing both of us luck.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Hank - You are right, Deepti was my first love, my first gf and my best friend ever. I loved that woman too much.

I never go to FB but yesterday I saw her pics on her dad's FB timeline and boy I could not stop staring at her (She is no more on FB but her dad is and I am not in his list). There was only one picture and I could not stop looking at her, from 11 30 PM to 1 30 AM (2 Hours), I was just looking at that picture.

Hank you are so right when it come to First love and that too when its your wife. Its been exact 1 year and still I miss her so very much.

Every second thought that crosses my mind is still about her and I really don't know why she aborted our First baby and made my life hell by taking R. Orders against me.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

My blood was boiling when I was driving to work today in the morning, thinking she turned my own friends against me who later lied in court against me.

I completely fail to understand what has happened to me and the royal betrayal I got from my wife and so called friends is unbearable.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

hank_rea said:


> I know the feeling. I believe my story is very similar to yours in that we were both blindsided by our wives (well, mine is no longer married to me) and they were both our first loves. (forgive me if I'm mistaking you for someone else...hard to keep up with all the details of every story) That makes it especially hard to let go. I've only been apart from my ex for 4 months, and I couldn't imagine going through this for another 8. Everyone says it gets easier, but I wish I could hurry up and wake up from this nightmare. They say, "focus on yourself"..."don't waste energy thinking about her". Yeah....and if I can manage to get just two minutes out of the day where I don't think about my ex, there she is in my dreams. I contemplate suicide weekly. This is just too much to handle. I wish there was some way to erase the memory of my ex wife and the last 9 years from my mind completely. I just want to enjoy things again.
> 
> Sorry if I went off in a tangent. I can't offer any words of encouragement because I'm going through this same hell you are. *I guess you can take comfort in knowing you are not alone (that doesn't help me when people say it, but maybe it will be beneficial to you)*. Again, wishing you luck, man....wishing both of us luck.



Thanks Hank but I don't get any comfort even though I know I am not alone in this mess because I know I am a good husband, would have been a terrific father to our unborn little girl and a good individual but still God had to put me through this hell. I don't understand that, all the hard work I did to live a good life with my wife is a WASTE.

It tears me from inside.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

My situation is so miserable that I can't even speak to her or go to her office to see her or talk to her one last time.

One month ago after the R Orders expired (Nov 2012 - May 2013), I just simply text'd her a message "Deepti I love you so much" and she reported it to the cops and I got a call from a Cop next day at work.

This shattered my heart that even after 1 year she has so much anger against me and that too for no apparant reason.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

hank_rea said:


> I know the feeling. I believe my story is very similar to yours in that we were both blindsided by our wives (*well, mine is no longer married to me*) and they were both our first loves. (forgive me if I'm mistaking you for someone else...hard to keep up with all the details of every story) That makes it especially hard to let go. I've only been apart from my ex for 4 months, and *I couldn't imagine going through this for another 8.* Everyone says it gets easier, but I wish I could hurry up and wake up from this nightmare. They say, "focus on yourself"..."don't waste energy thinking about her". Yeah....and if I can manage to get just two minutes out of the day where I don't think about my ex, there she is in my dreams. I contemplate suicide weekly. This is just too much to handle. I wish there was some way to erase the memory of my ex wife and the last 9 years from my mind completely. I just want to enjoy things again.
> 
> Sorry if I went off in a tangent. I can't offer any words of encouragement because I'm going through this same hell you are. I guess you can take comfort in knowing you are not alone (that doesn't help me when people say it, but maybe it will be beneficial to you). Again, wishing you luck, man....wishing both of us luck.


Hank - Are you still in separation?

Because you mentioned your wife is longer married to you?

I feel your pain Sir and everything you said is word by word my story and same thought process about my wife.


----------



## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

Yeah, she went through with it. That b*tch divorced me back in April. This pain that I'm going through, though, I brought it on myself. Instead of just letting her go, I tried desperately to hold on, even after everyone was warning me that continuing to pursue her did nothing more than push her away further. I just figured, I was her second husband...her first she left and he didn't put up a fight....so I thought if I fought for her, it would make a difference. Maybe it would have if I didn't go about it in such an aggressive way. I basically tried to bully her into taking me back. She would tell me to give her time to think and I would still pester her. I just kept adding fuel to the fire...making it much easier for her to stay gone with my behavior. Or maybe she just has a pattern. After a certain amount of years, she just can't stay in a relationship. I have no idea. All I know is that I want so badly to fall out of love with her. I did some bad things to her, but I didn't realize just how much I was hurting her. And because we never fought and I had such a good deal in the marriage, I thought things were going fine. Anyway, she knew that I didn't want this divorce and she still went through with it. She made the choice to rip my heart out and stomp on it. For that, I should hate her, but I don't. And God knows I wish I could!


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Unbelievable Hank - What you wrote above is the story of my life.

When my wife left and aborted our child at 6 months, I was so distraught that I used to cry every second of the day.

Everyone said don't go after her, give her time, this and that but she was my WIFE not my gf.

I had every right to go after her to persuade her to come back but I failed miseraby.

I have lost faith in humanity and on human beings in general. I was not the kind of person I have become.

I used to be so funny and jolly but now all is left of me is a soul dead individual.

When I read your words it feels like my own story except it was your wife's second marriage and ours first.


----------



## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

Same here, man...I used to be a carefree, easy going guy. Nothing ever really bothered me. I don't think I've ever felt this bad for this long in my life. She has completely ruined my life. I'm sure she feels some guilt about it, but not enough to give me another chance. She tells me things like "I can't get past what you said to me after you signed the divorce papers" and "I just don't think I can ever trust you not to go back to your old ways" Granted, these are very valid concerns. I said some truly rotten things to her after she revealed to me her plans to divorce me, but you've got to remember, not even a week prior I thought we were happily married. I reacted out of pure emotion. Zero thought. And during the time we've been separated, I have begged, insulted, promised, questioned, and threatened her for a pretty substantial amount of time. I'm sure that didn't help my case any. 

A guy in my divorce support group says that what she's telling me about not being able to look beyond my past transgressions is a load of bull. He says she's just trying to pass the blame on to me to make herself feel less guilty about breaking my heart. "Oh no..this isn't my fault...it's yours!" Maybe he's right...maybe not. Like I said, she does have some very legitimate gripes. But yeah, none of this is really helping. Going over the "what ifs" and "well if I hadn't said or done this" will just drive you crazy. I know how hard it is to not sit and dwell on this stuff, but we gotta try, man. There's got to be some kind of light at the end of this tunnel.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Hank - The guy in your D recovery group is completely right and the reason is anyone could have used that language when bombarded with Divorce from their spouse.

I know you completely reacted out of emotions and you did not have any intentions to hurt her and believe me I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes, I mean who wouldn't?

A week ago you were happily married and out of nowhere she tickled you with Divorce, I can only imagine how hard it would have been.

I was at work on July 3, 2012 (one year ago) when I called Deepti to come home (She left on July 1, 2012) and when she said (she was 5 1/2 months pregnant at that time) she is divorcing me believe me I could not control my emotions and it felt like lightening ran through my body, I went to my car and got into a small accident because I was in so hurry to meet her at her friend's place.

I scratched my car and when I reached at her friend's place on July 3rd, 2012 3:00 PM, I asked her to come out but she never did, I kept knocking her friend's door but she never opened the door.

Then her friend called on my phone and threatned to call cops on me if I didn't leave, so I left like a saint.

Next day 4 of my wife's divorced friends (*all *her friends were divorced in the age group 28-32) took her to Pococnos on NJ for 4 days, completely brainwashed her and also showed her the clinic in DC who would do abortion at 6 months.

She came back to Virginia on July 9th and went to another friend's place to live (her friends lied to me and told me she flew to Canada to her sister's place) but all along she was always in Virginia getting ready to abort the child, which she did on July 11.

In the meanwhile imbecile me, I was calling every clinic, hospital, medical center in Canada to look for my wife and kept asking them the abortion rules in Canada.

Her sister lives in Canada and I had the hunch that she had flown there because of liberal abortion policies but I was wrong, after few months I got to know that she never flew to canada and was always in Virginia.

She had betrayed me to infinity in every aspect of life but I still miss her, that is the irony.

I sometimes hate myself for being so weak when it comes to her.


----------



## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Hank I so much feel your pain, and I know you are a good guy because you still love your wife inspite of knowing everything she did to you.


----------



## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

I noticed you talking about Facebook earlier (and that, sadly, you've been banned again) I had to deactivate my Facebook account (which is pretty pointless as all you need to do to reactivate it is sign in) It was just too unhealthy. I had my ex, her mother, her sister in law and one of her friends all blocked so I couldn't check up on her at all. Still didn't feel like that was enough, so I just deleted the whole thing. That whole Facebook stalking....I get it. It seems like they're so happy and they usually look way better now than they did when they were with you. It's torture. When I looked at her pictures, one thing popped into my mind: she lost a lot of weight before we split up. Maybe she started getting a big head and thought she was just too good for me now. I actually confronted her with this theory and she denies it. She says we didn't work out just because of the reasons she told me. Still, she has lied to me before....

....many many times.


----------



## zappy. (Jul 9, 2013)

Why do you ban me for no reason?

Why?


----------



## qwerty1971 (Jan 6, 2014)

zappy said:


> Only I know how have I survived on my job and health in the last 1 year. Because very second, while eating, dressing, showering, driving, I keep thinking how could she do that to me.
> 
> I mean how, I feels like I'm one notch below Death, that is the kind of pain she has given me.


Wow Zappy. you seem to know exactly what i go through in my day to day life right now. One notch below death sums it up rather well.


----------

