# What do I do



## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi I'm looking for advice , I've been with my guy for 4 years and love him so much , the problem is I have needs he just doesn't forfill and as a result I am lonely, empty, feel unwanted and unimportant to him , the only time he shows me he loves me is when I leave. If I leave I will loose everything in the house and the man I love and will be homeless. How do you go when you love someone so much , staying is killing me also . any advice please.. Dont want to go into too much detail but it's like flat sharing not a relationship , I feel I need so much more x:scratchhead:


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Don't know what to tell you besides leave. In 4 years, i met, married and had a child with my wife. Would you rather be 10 years with nothing?

Have you addressed you concerns thoroughly enough? If so what had he done about it? If u've done your part, why continue to torment yourself.


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## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

Are you being very specific in what you need? Just saying I need more time and affection usually doesn't produce desirable results. A couple weeks ago I told my husband I needed more affection. So he comes home from work and immediately begins grabbing my butt & breasts. That was his idea of "more affection". Ummm, not what I meant! lol

Anyways, plan a dinner date and take him on it. Ask him what tv show he wants to watch and cuddle up with him. Ask him to take a walk with you. You have to be proactive and tell him exactly what you need. Hopefully he'll eventually get better at doing things without you asking.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Seriously, as bad as the repercussions may seem. Tell him what you told us.

But first ,really go through and sort it out in your head as best you can first. Find out why you feel lonely, how he could help make it different, why you feel wanted and how he could help make you feel more wanted. 

Notice, you are not concentrating on why and how he made you feel this way but rather how he could help things improve.

Now at the same time the best way to start this may be to ask how he feels about the two of you, how you could make him feel more loved, respected or whatever. Odds are whether he even realizes it or not there are probably areas for him as well.

Keep the conversation on the positive how things could be made better and you will get much better as this conversation will have a driving force toward the "you did this, or don't do that" sort of thing. Well those are rather true since the happiness is not there but working toward how to improve it is much better than beating each other up over how it got there.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi thanks everyone for your help, I have explainied how I feel on a number of times and have been more attentive to him also , it's a very difficult situation as he is one of those souls who only does what he wants to do , going of a walk is not his thing so he wont do it . The more attention I give him the more he seems to put on me and asks for more , he does give it in return, sometimes but it is hard when he puts the tv before coming to bed at the same time as me. We also live with his mum who is demanding and he wont leave and get our own place wihich I understand to a point as she has him emotionaly and wouldn't let him leave , this is a very complex situation and I have tried so many angles and none work long term , it just seems conveinient to plod along , which he says he is happy with and he says he loves me which I know he does, but he also says affection is the last thing on his mind as he don't need it so he doesn't think of it. thanks guys for your help xx:lol:

When we first met he would come everywhere with me now he says he's not interested in the things I am so doesn't go , the other day I suggested going to the cinema , and he agreed which I thought was strange but realised he was only doing it for me whch is unusual, anyway I asked him if he really wanted to go as I didn't want to push him into doing something he didn't want to and he said no , so I let him off and went with a friend, my car had been playing up so I asked him to drive me there and world war 3 broke out , I had rude comments about how he was looking forward to me (excuse the pun) f**cking off so he could watch the football and now Iv'e ruined it , I was so upset as it was dark and didn't want to walk so I felt really special (not) , he hates the couch but falls asleep and don't come to bed till 5am sometimes , I get up at 5.30 he is out of work at the moment and says he is not tired to come to bed the same time as me, when I said we don't have to sleep he didn't get what I meant seriously.


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## Stargazer34683 (Nov 1, 2010)

In my opinion this is very clearly defined for you. If this is a normal pattern of behavior then it is not acceptable. In my thread you stated divorce would be the best option due to lack of respect. What he has done is a constant trend of degrading you. I don't know you. I do however know that you deserve better.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

He is lazy. He wants you when it's convenient to him, and doesn't want to be bothered with you otherwise. This is the way your future with him will be. Decide if this is how you want your life to be.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I am not sure how old each of you are, but it sounds like he is lazy, lives with his mother, does not work (not sure how long he's been out of work), has no respect for you and shows you no affection. I am sure you do love him, but I don't see any reason to stay with this man unless he is taking pretty drastic steps to change his work/financial situation and his treatment of you. I honestly don't see any positive aspects of this relationship.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi thanks again for your replies , especially stargazer who I said I would divorce :lol: I really appreciate your honesty and time to reply back . On the work front he has been out fo regular work for nearly a year , but is in the process of starting a venture which is something new to him. He seems much happier when he gets paid large sums :scratchhead: we can be close sometimes for a few days but drizzles out very quickly until I end up crying and speaking my mind then he seems to think on it and try a little. We had a cuddle last night and he came to bed the same time but had to had the tv on or he would have stayed in the lounge. However we did have a cuddle while he was watching tv and while i was falling asleep , this is all I want from him and to be honest a couple of times a month is enough for me , so I am not too needey as you can see.

We are 47 he and 44 me . kids all grown up and gone but stuck with the granny ha ha , we moved in to care for her ,BIG MISTAKE but when she went into hospital for a short period nothing changed , there was no "oh sad she has had to go but we get the house to ourselves type of thing" things carried on as before.:rofl:bit of a joke really sometimes , but today I feel good because of the cuddle .:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

plus when we did go to bed early his mum was questioning him "why are you going to bed " why are you going to bed this early you don't go to bed at this time why why "" it was 11 o'clock at night don't think she likes him giving me any attention either , god I wish we or I could afford to move away


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