# Currently separated



## Mrs.McCoy (8 mo ago)

I need some advice? My husband and I recently experienced a miscarriage and with stress being the number one factor we argued to the point we experienced a loss. Prior to that he had moved out the prior week because we couldn’t be on the same page with our issues. Now since this has happened he’s been doing everything to help me get through this but I can’t help but point the blame and resentment back towards him. What do I do? He’s still not back home and I’m not sure I want him to come back


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I’m not sure I understand, so please correct me. You were experiencing stress and miscarried? I’m sorry for your loss. I miscarried as well. I say this kindly, stress is likely not the cause of m/c, there’s no doubt the pain is unbearable, but blaming husband won’t help in the long run. My sympathy at this time.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Mrs.McCoy said:


> I need some advice? My husband and I recently experienced a miscarriage and with stress being the number one factor we argued to the point we experienced a loss. Prior to that he had moved out the prior week because we couldn’t be on the same page with our issues. Now since this has happened he’s been doing everything to help me get through this but I can’t help but point the blame and resentment back towards him. What do I do? He’s still not back home and I’m not sure I want him to come back


I'm sorry for your loss.

I understand wanting to have an explanation for "why?" or wanting to blame someone, anything, for what happened. Many women do not get answers though. The cause is often unknown but most sources agree that stress is _not_ linked to miscarriage. It is linked to pre-term labor (20+ weeks), but only when the stress is extreme and chronic. 

Here are two quotes from March of Dimes: 








Stress and pregnancy


Stress during pregnancy is common. Learn about the stresses pregnancy causes and how to reduce stress during pregnancy.




www.marchofdimes.org






> During pregnancy, stress can increase the chances of having a premature baby (born before 37 weeks of pregnancy) or a low-birthweight baby (weighing less than 5 pounds, 8 ounces).





> Many women worry that stress may lead to miscarriage, the death of a baby before 20 weeks of pregnancy. While extra stress isn't good for your overall health, there's no evidence that stress causes miscarriage.


Your husband lost his baby as well. The father is often forgotten about in these situations. Blaming him and resenting him is not going to help either of you. I have known couples who took that path and it destroyed their marriage. You need to lean on each other, not place blame. 

You would probably benefit from some counseling to deal with this. There are also lots of support groups online, and possibly through your community as well. 

At some point you do need to address the issues in your marriage that started before the miscarriage. Marriage counseling may help sort things out.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your husband separated and left.
You had your resentment towards him, up until, he went over the wall.

The resentment remains, still a fact and still is intact.

He finds it easier to help you from afar.

From that vantage point he cannot see your glare, that grown woman frown.

Nor, can he see your angry fangs, up close.

He has separated, he has not yet, disengaged.

Angry vibes do dissipate with distance.

What is it you seek?

Contrition, tears, so-sorry's?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

People have babies who have been through the most appalling situations, for example in concentration camps, so please don't think your stress caused this miscarriage.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

I lost my first pregnancy as well. We were newly married & I took it incredibly hard. My sister had had two miscarriages as well, so I was afraid I would not be able to carry a child to term. My husband (still almost 22 years later!) was incredibly supportive and agreed to try again when it was ok. We are now blessed with 2 beautiful daughters. Unfortunately sometimes pregnancies don't work out, it isn't any one person's fault. Take solace in knowing it was just not a viable pregnancy and one day you will be blessed with a smart mouth teen. 🙄 It is understandable that we want a reason as to why...with miscarriages we don't always get that reason. I've never forgotten the child I lost, I still hang a stocking every year for him (I always thought it was the son we never had. ) prayers during this difficult time.🙌


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## Mrs.McCoy (8 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> I’m not sure I understand, so please correct me. You were experiencing stress and miscarried? I’m sorry for your loss. I miscarried as well. I say this kindly, stress is likely not the cause of m/c, there’s no doubt the pain is unbearable, but blaming husband won’t help in the long run. My sympathy at this time.





HurtinFl said:


> I lost my first pregnancy as well. We were newly married & I took it incredibly hard. My sister had had two miscarriages as well, so I was afraid I would not be able to carry a child to term. My husband (still almost 22 years later!) was incredibly supportive and agreed to try again when it was ok. We are now blessed with 2 beautiful daughters. Unfortunately sometimes pregnancies don't work out, it isn't any one person's fault. Take solace in knowing it was just not a viable pregnancy and one day you will be blessed with a smart mouth teen. 🙄 It is understandable that we want a reason as to why...with miscarriages we don't always get that reason. I've never forgotten the child I lost, I still hang a stocking every year for him (I always thought it was the son we never had. ) prayers during this difficult time.🙌


Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this I don’t have too many people to turn too and my husband is my best friend even through we are going through challenges that can overshadow this I’m still struggling with it’s not my will it’s god’s will.


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## Mrs.McCoy (8 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> Your husband separated and left.
> You had your resentment towards him, up until, he went over the wall.
> 
> The resentment remains, still a fact and still is intact.
> ...


I seek peace and understanding. I want to not hurt and feel abandoned.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mrs.McCoy said:


> I seek peace and understanding. I want to not hurt and feel abandoned.


All, worthy needs and wants.
May, you receive them.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

An argument needs at least two people to both start and sustain it. Blaming him for the miscarriage is a horrible thing to do. It is often said there are 3 sides to every couple's story. Hers, his and the truth. Miscarriages happen unfortunately. Are you sure you want to assign blame? Has a doctor stated that stress caused it?


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## PhilWynn (8 mo ago)

Sorry for your loss..
I suppose you shouldn't break up, try to go to a psychotherapist


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## Mrs.McCoy (8 mo ago)

PhilWynn said:


> Sorry for your loss..
> I suppose you shouldn't break up, try to go to a psychotherapist


Thank you I made an appointment to see a therapist


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

My wife had 6 mis carries and a tubal. Her last OBGYN said oh no problem, it was inability for uterus to carry. She did not produce progesterone quick enough to prepare the uterus to carry the pregnancy. He prescribed her progesterone suppositories that he had local pharmacy compound. 

She carried the next 2 without issue. The other OB Drs back in town we were from acted like they had not heard of such and it was voodoo medicine. If you can tell, they were full of their own crap.

After miscarry he was saying there was no need to wait. Get started again. He was first OB that I saw that his office hall walls and lobby walls were covered with billboards full of baby pictures of children he had delivered. 

Just before my wife was due(Jan 10) he traveled to Thialand for 2-3 weeks over Dec/Christmas to see his mom. He called several times during that time from Thialand to check on my wife and how she was doing.


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