# 1st Valentine's Day support



## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Not sure where this thread belongs. Seems like those of us that are going through Divorce (or about to like me) need a place to be today.

WS and I have not filed yet. I'm still clinging to the hope that he'll come to his senses and give up his EA. Even though he's practically written it in a neon sign that he's not going to.....

At times I've been good at the 180 and at times I find myself backsliding. Today is a big backslide day for me.

Trying to stay off FB and see all of my friends oooey gooey notes to their significant others. 

This by far, is the toughest thing I've had to deal with and VD only adds to my pain. 

Anyone else?


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## NeedToLive (Jan 28, 2014)

I am on the same boat. :0( 

They say time heels everything. They did not say anything about the holidays.


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## evolver (Dec 3, 2013)

Right there with ya'. I debated with myself all day yesterday, and right up to a few minutes ago, whether or not to say anything at all to my wife about Valentines day. It's a no-win situation. Don't say anything, and she probably thinks "Typical, he neglected me again". Say something and she thinks "Just another manipulation tactic". Actually, who the hell knows what she'll spin in her mind. If I could predict that, I wouldn't be here. 

In the end, I decided that I don't care what she thinks or how she'll spin it, so I'll do what feels right for me. No gifts, cards, or flowers. Just a 2 line e-mail saying "happy Valentines Day. You are missed, love Evolver, cat1, cat2 & cat3".

Is it a backslide? Probably, but it's honest to how I feel.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

Mind if I sit down with you guys? I'd like a scotch please. Hang in there guys...we'll make it through.


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

I got a phone call this morning (WS out of town) wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. Um, what? Last I checked we were getting ready to file for the big D. Why does he confuse me so much. I KNOW he sent OW a Valentine's present and he's planning to meet her next weekend in her town for dinner.

Why would he say Happy Valentine's to me? 

Cake eater! I hate him today!


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

AFPhoenix said:


> Mind if I sit down with you guys? I'd like a scotch please. Hang in there guys...we'll make it through.


A Margarita sounds good too. Maybe we can have a virtual happy hour?


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

evolver said:


> Right there with ya'. I debated with myself all day yesterday, and right up to a few minutes ago, whether or not to say anything at all to my wife about Valentines day. It's a no-win situation. Don't say anything, and she probably thinks "Typical, he neglected me again". Say something and she thinks "Just another manipulation tactic". Actually, who the hell knows what she'll spin in her mind. If I could predict that, I wouldn't be here.
> 
> In the end, I decided that I don't care what she thinks or how she'll spin it, so I'll do what feels right for me. No gifts, cards, or flowers. Just a 2 line e-mail saying "happy Valentines Day. You are missed, love Evolver, cat1, cat2 & cat3".
> 
> Is it a backslide? Probably, but it's honest to how I feel.


I'm so sorry! I hear backslides are common on big Trigger days! That's why I'm here too.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

With you guys also, But i did give my STBXW a card and a handwritten note but i dont think really matterd or not with my STBX.. hardest is the kid and not beening with her today..


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

To hell with virtual. After I dig myself out of this snow (and self pity) I'm going to the nearest bar to hang out!


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

This would be a good day to start drinking again. been 10 years since i had any beverages..


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I hear you ladies and gents.........it will be ok. We will get through this together.


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## split_open_and_melt (Dec 15, 2013)

My last mediation appointment is on Tuesday.

Today my stbxw took the kids out of school (missed their class Valentines party) to hop on her parents private jet and fly off to the beach with the guy she left me for.

And I know that I will be better off in the future as I deserve someone who can reciprocate my unconditional Love.

Peace to you all!


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

split_open_and_melt said:


> My last mediation appointment is on Tuesday.
> 
> Today my stbxw took the kids out of school (missed their class Valentines party) to hop on her parents private jet and fly off to the beach with the guy she left me for.
> 
> ...


Oh my! I am so very sorry! You got that right! You DESERVE much better!


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Sammy64 said:


> This would be a good day to start drinking again. been 10 years since i had any beverages..



No Sammy! Don't do it! Not worth it! Stay strong!


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Stressedandsad said:


> Not sure where this thread belongs. Seems like those of us that are going through Divorce (or about to like me) need a place to be today.
> 
> WS and I have not filed yet. I'm still clinging to the hope that he'll come to his senses and give up his EA. Even though he's practically written it in a neon sign that he's not going to.....
> 
> ...


I was just thinking of posting something similar. Yeah, FB sucks today.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Stressedandsad said:


> A Margarita sounds good too. Maybe we can have a virtual happy hour?


Can it go on all day? Please? What did you say to his phone call? I would've given him the big 'ole FU.


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## LaQueso (Dec 30, 2012)

This isn't my first Valentine's since WS left me and the kids but it still isn't easy. Looking back, most Valentine's days weren't that special with him anyway. I can predict what he gave POSOW today. I have to see him later on because this is his weekend with the kids. I am in the middle of moving out of our family home that he didnt lift a finger to save from foreclosure even though its in his name.I tried so hard to keep it. He just keeps sending emails alternating between criticizing about the kid's bedtime and wanting the huge amount of things he left behind, including his classic car.no offers of help still. I am covered on bruises from hefting things by myself. I was fortunate enough to get one person to help with some of the big stuff, but I still need help and there is none. 
I can't go out or drink because I have to move. Feeling very sorry for myself right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

Fenix, reach out to Morgiana and let's have that drink tonight. What do you say?


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

AFPhoenix said:


> Fenix, reach out to Morgiana and let's have that drink tonight. What do you say?


I just reached out in another direction.. Sorry.

But, we could arrange a NoVa/DC get together next week. I'd be up for Thursday or Friday. My pos stbx is arriving into town and a distraction would be really wonderful. Somehow, a game of darts sounds really good!


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Fenix said:


> Can it go on all day? Please? What did you say to his phone call? I would've given him the big 'ole FU.


Wish we all lived in the same town. I would love a get together tonight. All my friends are married. 

I responded to his "Happy VD" with "are you kidding me?" and he said "What? Can't I wish you a Happy VD?"

Absolutely CLUELESS as to the amount of pain he's inflicting. CLUELESS!

I'm trying to stay focused on kiddos today and they have class parties. Hoping it helps lift my mood instead of spiraling it further. Don't wish to cry in my kids class today!


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Well I'm going out tonight. Just another way to try and move on.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

Stressedandsad said:


> No Sammy! Don't do it! Not worth it! Stay strong!


Thank you, and yes i would not start to drink just becaused my heart had been ripped out of my chest.... i know better.. funny she was always mad at me for stopping, i quit the day i married her.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

I'm thinking of going out tonight myself for a couple drinks with a married friend of mine. Her husband has to work. I'll drink a couple Vodka/Cran's for you all.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Yes time does heal. A year ago my stbxh had just left 6 weeks before V day. The actual day was horrible. My kids 23,20&14 at the time tried to make the best of it for me. It didn't work. The mental movies were too much and I spent the day in tears. 

Fast forward a year later. Things are much better. No more mental images. I really don't care what he's doing. My kids bought me candy, I bought them candy and made them cupcakes. The cat and dog got new toys. We're ordering dinner (Italian food of course). I had a fun FB message conversation with three tam members who have become my friends beyond here. Had a conversation with another tam member on FB this morning and was wished a happy v day from a very special person to me. 

Just hang in there. Don't let one stupid day mess you up. Do something nice for yourself. Spend the day with your kids , family, friends or your pets. Whatever you may have. Eat out - who knows who you may meet while you're out. 

Things will get better. Just take it a day at a time. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Feeling sad (Feb 12, 2014)

I'm spending the weekend in a 5* hotel to make myself feel better, while husband is with the OW in some cheap motel.

Best to do something to distract yourself and makes you feel good. I know easier said then done. I myself also struggled...here in China, it was not only Valentine's Day, but it was also Chinese Lovers day and the last day of the Chinese New Year. It was an emotionally hard day, but I did survive so stay strong!


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## hitbyabrick (Nov 14, 2013)

Hope everyone's doing well & hanging in there. Tough day for us all.

Me, I'm trying to treat it like any other day as much as I can. Maybe relax with a good scotch tonight.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

smallsteps said:


> Yes time does heal. A year ago my stbxh had just left 6 weeks before V day. The actual day was horrible. My kids 23,20&14 at the time tried to make the best of it for me. It didn't work. The mental movies were too much and I spent the day in tears.
> 
> Fast forward a year later. Things are much better. No more mental images. I really don't care what he's doing. My kids bought me candy, I bought them candy and made them cupcakes. The cat and dog got new toys. We're ordering dinner (Italian food of course). I had a fun FB message conversation with three tam members who have become my friends beyond here. Had a conversation with another tam member on FB this morning and was wished a happy v day from a very special person to me.
> 
> ...


Didn't even text your friends


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

AFPhoenix said:


> Mind if I sit down with you guys? I'd like a scotch please. Hang in there guys...we'll make it through.


Just don't text (her)


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Got room for one more? Valentine's Day in limbo... Still in the early stages, so no one even knows yet. We are day to day with whatever our "normal" is until we are ready to decide what's next.

I was out of town for a couple of days, but I did text this am with VDay wishes. I'm home now, but he's working, and I'm home alone while our high schooler is out with my car.

So yeah, can I have a drink too?


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

I bought my friend and I a couple tickets to see Motley Crue. It's their final tour. Thought it would cheer me up but it didn't. LOL


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Drank a nice bottle of wine. German Auslese.

2nd night of drinking since Nov 13, guess I was due. Self Loathing seemed like a nice idea 45 minutes ago.

If I was serious it would be Rye and Coke, Gibson's Rye to be exact.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

My X just reminded me of what an a** he is tonight. Good thing is that it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. 
FB has been sucky I agree, and on there I've been declaring love for my very own Valentine named Gym.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I'm happy to report that I survived the 1st V-day without STBXW and I didn't text her...of course she didn't text me and that bothered me to an extent. I met up with Z and we went and played pool together. Thanks for distracting me Z.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Happy for you AFP. Good job on not texting her.


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## evolver (Dec 3, 2013)

Home at 3am. I saw some bands, geeked out over cameras and music gear with a buddy, and got a fire/electric massage. Objectively, it was a good night. A woman came up to me and said "why are you here alone?" I know she was just trying to make conversation, but for some reason, it brought me down again. Oh well, overall, it was a better night than I expected. Congrats to all of us for surviving!


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## Whatthe?? (Feb 7, 2014)

bought my wife flowers, chocolates, and a card. Didn't read the card, didn't put the flowers in water and didn't open the choc. Bang, rip my heart out and grind it into the floor, this sucks and i just wanna cry.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Managed to survive first valentines day without stbxh in five years. He was probs with posow but who cares she's a 'brick wall' anyway. Tbh I couldn't even remember what we did last year because we were arguing at that time. It was hard especially seeing all the commercial rubbish. But you know what I got paid yesterday so today I'm getting a pressie for myself. I don't need a man to buy me a gift when I an use my hard earned cash myself  

Hope everyone had a good day yesterday!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

I actually ended up having fun.  I went out for drinks with a guy that I had been on a couple of dates with. He is easy to talk to, complimentary in a very low key way and in the same boat I am, without the infidelity nonsense...so 'safe'. 

And he got me flowers. 

It was very last minute. I wasn't sure I wanted to do a Valentine's Day date. I was thinking of having an evening with the kidlets. But, then I saw FB and kind of got in a funk. My stbx used to refuse to put anything for anniversaries or Valentine's Day or even birthday on FB. He said "Because we didn't do that". Welp, now I know why he didn't do that. Some of our very good friends (who are still my friends) wrote such lovely things to their spouses yesterday. 

I am glad I went.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

ICLH said:


> I bought my friend and I a couple tickets to see Motley Crue. It's their final tour. Thought it would cheer me up but it didn't. LOL


I love Motley Crue! I saw them way back in 1985!


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I worked at a law firm that represented Mötley Crüe in a lawsuit a long time ago. Got to meet Nikki Sixx and have photos made with him. Sorry for the thread jack


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

karole said:


> I worked at a law firm that represented Mötley Crüe in a lawsuit a long time ago. Got to meet Nikki Sixx and have photos made with him. Sorry for the thread jack


Very cool! No hi-jack at all


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## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

Yeah yesterday was horrible, eventhough when i was with my husband we didnt do anything super special... just being with each other.

And yesterday we met at a gas station so he could drop off his son, i find myself longing for him, to hold me and tell me this is a big mistake and wakeup from this nightmare..

but no... i just stare at him and he stares at me back and there is nothing left to be said, becuase i know as soon as he leaves from dropping his son off he is onhis way to the woman he has been having an affair with who he now lives with...

It was hard.... i cried all the way home quietly to myself so my 3 year old doesnt see.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Ah, Brystensmom... *hugs*


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I'm sorry Brystensmom. Hang in there. Vent here all you want! I can take it...as long as you let me vent too. I have two shoulders if you need one to cry on.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

Good for you Fenix!


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## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

lol awww you guys really are my rock right now!


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Brystensmom said:


> Yeah yesterday was horrible, eventhough when i was with my husband we didnt do anything super special... just being with each other.
> 
> And yesterday we met at a gas station so he could drop off his son, i find myself longing for him, to hold me and tell me this is a big mistake and wakeup from this nightmare..
> 
> ...



Awww! {{{HUGS}}}}


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## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

I have scheduled my first IC and its for wednesday! lol i feel like i need a rush on that!!

((((hugstoall)))

but honestly coming here makes me feel comforted.. and safe. My Husband left 3 weeks ago, and I found out about his 2 year long EA only this past monday! im coping! though! god as my witness I am coping through this! and i know we will all be ok!


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

I'm sorry to those of you who had a rough day yesterday. Wish I had more to offer than that, but we all know it will get better. Just sucks in the meantime.

To those of you who found good ways to distract from the day-good for you! Glad you were able to do something positive with the day!


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