# really sad . should i stay or should i go?



## tavares12 (Sep 6, 2014)

h ithere im newlywed and i love my husband , but the way that he treats me sometimes i cant take it anymore... He calls me names when he gets angry and he just doesnt really respect me, hes controlling and only thinks of himself sometimes, Dont get me wrong there are alot of great times but i just cant handle him anymore. i love him so much but i want him to know he cant treat me or talk to me the way he does. it's getting to the point where i am really resenting him. I just want to be away from him right now. and i shouldnt feel like that in a marriage!?  Talking to him doesnt help.. im at a loss i love him and want our marriage to work but at this point i dont know what to do.


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## ladymisato (Aug 5, 2014)

tavares12 said:


> Talking to him doesnt help..


I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. What happens when you talk to him? Aside from not helping, are they meaningful conversations or one-sided?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Tavares, you are me twenty years ago. You should read my post here "No affection left - is this reversible?" get some clues from there. If you do not set the limits now, don't count it will get better by itself. It will be worse, your resentment will only grow. By then you may have kids, mortgage, and will be trapped. 

It is hard when things are not so terrible all the time, only when he gets frustrated or angry. The other times is all great, and there is still enough love and hope to keep going between the outbursts. But every nasty word feels like betrayal of love and trust, and kills another piece of you and your love for him.

You need to set limits now. But you also have to be prepared, that he will cross them so you may find yourself facing big decision. Marriage Therapy, Individual therapy, they all could help at this stage, before it is too late. 

These are steps that I should have done twenty years ago. I did not. I wish I did. I find myself now twenty years later, twenty years older with the same problems I was facing back then. But with no love left.

One more thing: I have found the book "In sheep clothings" about manipulative people very relevant to my situation. I've learnt about it here on TAM. Try it, you still have a chance.


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## liftup985 (Sep 11, 2014)

My mother and many people say you teach people how to treat you and I agree with that 100%. You have set a precedent that he can talk to you any kind of way. In order to set a new precedent he needs to know there are consequences to his behavior. When he acting like a petulant child tell him enough is enough you are not dealing with it anymore. If he continues you will have to leave and he will need to put in the work with counseling before you will go back and if you eventually go back and it continues you need to file for divorce and move on before you become "trapped".


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

tavares12 said:


> h ithere im newlywed and i love my husband , but the way that he treats me sometimes i cant take it anymore... He calls me names when he gets angry and he just doesnt really respect me, hes controlling and only thinks of himself sometimes, Dont get me wrong there are alot of great times but i just cant handle him anymore. i love him so much but i want him to know he cant treat me or talk to me the way he does. it's getting to the point where i am really resenting him. I just want to be away from him right now. and i shouldnt feel like that in a marriage!?  Talking to him doesnt help.. im at a loss i love him and want our marriage to work but at this point i dont know what to do.


Ah, the old "newlywed in an abusive relationship" problem, and a thorny problem it is!

Tavares12, you've got to let him know.
Should you stay or should you go?
If he says that "you are MINE,"
You might be with him 'til the end of time!
So you've GOT to let him know
Whether you decide to stay or elect to go.

It's always him being mean, mean, mean.
He's happy when you're on your knees (emotionally, I mean)
One day is fine, the next is black,
So if you want him off your back

Ooops General Contractor is here.

Please refer to "Should I stay or should I go" by the Clash for further advice.

I picked a bad week to stop eating mushrooms.


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