# My Husband has no interest in Sex, I've tried everything!



## BendyBabe (Jul 1, 2011)

HI,
I've been married exactly 2 years, and my husband (we had a brief relationship before I got pregnant, which was fantastic, ..BUT...he 's lost sex drive since....)...he never initiates sex, has a very tedious routine of foreplay (yes, I've tried 'showing him what i want'..etc..) he's happy to fumble around for 2 or 3 mins then go for it...not exactly romantic...or passionate, or orgasm getting for me...he ALWAYS gets an orgasm, I've had 4 in 2 yrs ( with previous boyfriends it was about 70% of the time, with him it's 10?)...I've tried everything...sexy underwear / no underwear / kinky sex / corsets / cross dressing / anal /I always go down on him, but he rarely does the same, I'm only posting here because I'm at a loss...It's GOT TO IMPROVE or I'm leaving...selfish? no, I have a life too, and he seems to want to lie back and take it all...he know's he takes shortcuts too, which is worse, in a way....


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

What does he say about his laziness?

Have you tried not initiating and not giving as much to see his response?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BendyBabe (Jul 1, 2011)

Yes, 

He went to bed and read for 6 months, no initiation at all, said night, rolled over without even thinking about it,.....

I think he has a vv low sex drive!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi BendyBabe ~

I love your user name.

How old are you and your husband?

Do you discuss this with your husband, and if so, what does he say about it? Is he willing to try and work on it with you, or does he just see it all as your issue?

What is he like with you outside of the bedroom?


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## BendyBabe (Jul 1, 2011)

Hi,
Username = I'm a Yoga addict! 
He's 34 I'm 36, He thinks I'm unreasonable, demanding and 'none of his ex's have had any complaints'...he truly is crap in bed though.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

BendyBabe said:


> Hi,
> Username = I'm a Yoga addict!
> He's 34 I'm 36, He thinks I'm unreasonable, demanding and 'none of his ex's have had any complaints'...he truly is crap in bed though.


I should have guessed yoga! I guess my mind went to a place it shouldn't have. 

What is the state of health of your husband? Is he in good shape? Overweight? Been to the doc recently and tested for low thyroid function or low testosterone?

Do you know the reason his past relationships failed?

Have you guys ever had a good sexual relationship - prior to the pregnancy?

Even if he has a really low drive, if he cared enough, there are a lot of ways to please a woman that don't involve a penis.


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## BendyBabe (Jul 1, 2011)

MMm, It was good pre preg, but only knew him 6wks!! so could have been lust!!
My health 100%, him 80% (eats too much, watches TV...I don't as yoga at night instead)....we both drink moderate amounts of wine together, but he fills up on beer too... he's not a very considerate lover and will quite happily lie back and take it, then think 'that's foreplay over ' even though I SHOW him what I want...we use a 'rabbit', well, I do...but still that doesn't prompt him enough, he really thinks it's wham bam thankyou ma'am!!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

BendyBabe said:


> MMm, It was good pre preg, but only knew him 6wks!! so could have been lust!!
> My health 100%, him 80% (eats too much, watches TV...I don't as yoga at night instead)....we both drink moderate amounts of wine together, but he fills up on beer too... he's not a very considerate lover and will quite happily lie back and take it, then think 'that's foreplay over ' even though I SHOW him what I want...we use a 'rabbit', well, I do...but still that doesn't prompt him enough, he really thinks it's wham bam thankyou ma'am!!


Okay, so he sounds like a selfish person, eh?

Normally, a person that is selfish after marriage didn't just get that way over night. They were likely always that way and the haze of the early courtship phase may have obscured those particular character traits.

Is he selfish outside the bedroom as well? What is your relationship like otherwise?

You need to decide how to set a boundary on this and follow through with it. Are you willing to talk with him about this, go to counseling for it, or walk away from it?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sounds like you're experiencing similar frustration that about 44% of husbands deal with. I'm told you should have no sexual expectations from your spouse. Have you tried not being quite so demanding? I'm told that's just a turn-off. Do more chores around the house, compliment him more, and engage in more nonsexual touching. When's the last time you took him out or told him he was pretty?


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## Katya (Jun 23, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Sounds like you're experiencing similar frustration that about 44% of husbands deal with. I'm told you should have no sexual expectations from your spouse. Have you tried not being quite so demanding? I'm told that's just a turn-off. Do more chores around the house, compliment him more, and engage in more nonsexual touching. When's the last time you took him out or told him he was pretty?


:rofl:


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Sounds like you're experiencing similar frustration that about 44% of husbands deal with. I'm told you should have no sexual expectations from your spouse. Have you tried not being quite so demanding? I'm told that's just a turn-off. Do more chores around the house, compliment him more, and engage in more nonsexual touching. When's the last time you took him out or told him he was pretty?


:rofl:

To the OP you have my total sympathy. My husband lost interest in me right before we got married. You are not alone.

My guess is that the brief relationship followed by a baby wasn't on his top list of things he wanted. He seems so passive aggressive by holding back the very thing you want. What's he like towards you outside the bedroom?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

stritle said:


> has he had his test levels checked?


I am not a car.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Sounds like you're experiencing similar frustration that about 44% of husbands deal with. I'm told you should have no sexual expectations from your spouse. Have you tried not being quite so demanding? I'm told that's just a turn-off. Do more chores around the house, compliment him more, and engage in more nonsexual touching. When's the last time you took him out or told him he was pretty?


:scratchhead: I know you are being tongue in cheek, but I think men and women have a right to sexual expectations in a marriage.


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## howardmyduck (Jul 3, 2011)

Once my girlfriend at the time, now wife, said to me, im not your w****, ever since then I rarely initiate sex, if she doesnt initiate we just dont do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

howardmyduck said:


> Once my girlfriend at the time, now wife, said to me, im not your w****, ever since then I rarely initiate sex, if she doesnt initiate we just dont do it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If that was me I would have preferred if he said "yes you are" and then pushed me onto the bed, and had his way with me. 
But that's because I like that kind of thing.
The whole him not initiating any more would make me die a little inside.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

hmm, not sure how you can gently convey, without crippling his ego (and any chance for a decent sex life) what needs to be conveyed. If you have a good relationship otherwise then it's fair to tell him over a glass of wine that he's lazy in bed, and that you want him to F*&k, s&*k, l&*k you in every which way possible; what do you have to do for him to do that? That might at least get his ears (and something else) to perk up for the rest of dinner that evening.

Seriously, he needs to know that we all only live once, you have X number of years left getting real enjoyment from your body and you except a little more from him than 3 minutes of foreplay and then him laying of his back so you can ride him for a quickie. Just tell him that ain't cutting it and share with him that while he has an orgasm everytime, you've had 4 in X number of years. Guys are selfish without trying to be sometimes, and unless he's aware of the scope of the problem then there's no way he's going to change. If after receiving all this information he still shows no interest in changing then the only thing left is for you to make some decisions as to how important sex is to you vis a vis your marriage, because it will be one or the other.

Good luck.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

w****?

Can't figure that one out.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Syrum said:


> If that was me I would have preferred if he said "yes you are" and then pushed me onto the bed, and had his way with me.
> But that's because I like that kind of thing.


For those married to women who don't like this approach, doing what you describe would be a sexual death sentence.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> w****?
> 
> Can't figure that one out.


Like "ho" but with the original english spelling...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

oh ok, I thought the whole string got redacted. 

BTW nice screen name. Mass murdering incestuous cannibal clan.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> oh ok, I thought the whole string got redacted.
> 
> BTW nice screen name. Mass murdering incestuous cannibal clan.


_Smile_ when you say that...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> For those married to women who don't like this approach, doing what you describe would be a sexual death sentence.


That's true. Many of these sexless women already have the crazy notion that they are valued as only "sex objects" because their husbands approach them for a sex crumb every six months or so. A quasi-rape scenario would really go over great with them. Other than pour tea or whiskey over it, I don't know what you can do with ice.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> That's true. Many of these sexless women already have the crazy notion that they are valued as only "sex objects" because their husbands approach them for a sex crumb every six months or so. A quasi-rape scenario would really go over great with them. Other than pour tea or whiskey over it, I don't know what you can do with ice.


My wife is the polar opposite of icy or sexless. However, call her a w***e and she'll tear your pr*ck and [email protected] out by the roots and beat you senseless with the wet end.

And she can


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There are about three names that men should just avoid calling women. Like using a gas can to start a barbecue, it may seem like a great idea, but it never ends well.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> That's true. Many of these sexless women already have the crazy notion that they are valued as only "sex objects" because their husbands approach them for a sex crumb every six months or so. A quasi-rape scenario would really go over great with them. Other than pour tea or whiskey over it, I don't know what you can do with ice.


What can you do with ice? Well, maybe check first to see if YOU are the freezer. Ice cubes don't usually just form on their own. 

Oh, and ice can actually be pretty easy to melt if there's enough heat.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> My wife is the polar opposite of icy or sexless. However, call her a w***e and she'll tear your pr*ck and [email protected] out by the roots and beat you senseless with the wet end.
> 
> And she can


Good Lord! I just read about the Beane clan on Wikipedia! I can understand your name now.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Good Lord! I just read about the Beane clan on Wikipedia! I can understand your name now.


Yes, no-one has the advantage of "knowing where the bodies are buried", because there are no bodied being buried:rofl:

We've left the old family business behind us and I'm actually quite respectable, for a former infantryman working in the water industry


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> There are about three names that men should just avoid calling women. Like using a gas can to start a barbecue, it may seem like a great idea, but it never ends well.


I don't care how alpha anyone is, if you think through what you're going to do, and you can see the words "It seemed like a good idea at the time" after the event, you probably didn't ought to do it.


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