# Need to Vent!!!!!!



## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

My wife and i have been together for 8 years and married for almost 2. She has no sex drive really and she never initiates sex. I'd like to be intimate 2 or 3 times a week. It's gotten to the point to now she doesn't shave her legs, arms or private area, things she used to do quite often. she just doesnt care anymore. If i bring up how sex used to be her response is "we only saw each other once a week" but its different. She had an interest then and now none really. When we are intimate i can tell she's mailing it in, so to speak. 
Our home is a wreck due to her dogs. shes a terrible dog owner. they are never walked. they go to the bathroom in the basement which she never cleans. I've asked her to do something about it but she never does. When i talk to her about things she gets angry and starts crying. Im at my wit's end.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sound messed up.

Have you looked into potential medical issues yet?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She sounds depressed.

Was she this bad a pet owner before you married her?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

She doesn't even sound depressed, she just sounds lazy!


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

well to be fair we have a 4 yr old and my 11 yr old lives with us half the time. She's a really good mom. I think she's lazy about her dogs and sex


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

yes she's been a bad owner but she promised she would do better


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stop letting her tears stop you from digging into the issues. If you want to change things, you're going to have to start forcing a change in the dynamic. And 1.5 kids is not enough to justify dogs krapping in the basement. 

C


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

how many dogs do you have? why is it her who is supposed to take care of the dogs?


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

we have 2 and they are her dogs. I'm not a dog person in any sense of the word. her dogs her responsibility


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

PBear said:


> Stop letting her tears stop you from digging into the issues. If you want to change things, you're going to have to start forcing a change in the dynamic. And 1.5 kids is not enough to justify dogs krapping in the basement.
> 
> C


when i dig im being an A hole because I'm wont stop badgering her about it


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well then, be an @sshole. Unless you like your life the way it is. 

Have you tried getting the two of you into counselling?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

Haven't tried that yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

Quick update. It's 130 am and I thought I'd give it a shot just to see if she might be interested. Her response "oh my god it's 130 am leave me alone": ill say this her actions have pushed me to stop smoking and get back in the gym so I can meet someone new. I think this marriage is about done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I agree with Ele.
Sounds like she's tired and burnt out to me. 
Is she a SAHM , or is she employed?
What about medical issues?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

So your 11 year old is your responsibility 100% then?


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## Yolandi (Oct 27, 2013)

She sounds depressed to me too. Unless this was typical behavior before you got married?

For your children's sake you can't allow this to continue. Having dog mess building up in your basement can't be healthy for your family.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

FRANKLINCLINTON said:


> Her response "oh my god it's 130 am leave me alone":
> 
> I think this marriage is about done.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I cant tell you how many times i've heard a response like that too. I cant tell you how many times i've also told myself my marriage is done too. If it werent for my child, I would have left long ago. Also, my motivation for working out is the same as yours buddy.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

1:30am? Sounds to me like you are setting her up to fail.


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## rebuilding72 (Oct 23, 2013)

I think you need to have a serious conversation with her. If she isn't taking care of her dogs, then maybe she needs to give them to someone who will. We all get so busy with life and just keep piling things on us until someone or something suffers. Not sure how busy her life is but she needs to take time for her dogs and for you! 

There may be underlying issues that are causing her not to want to have sex. 

Talk to her!!! Communication and honesty are key in any relationship!


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

If she won't look after the dogs, please re-home them. It is totally unfair to deprive them of exercise. It will cause behavioural issues and may result in aggression, which is not what you want with children in the house.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

There appears to be some considerable underlying issues here.
The lack of self presentation and physical contact sounds very like a depressed individual. her failure to motive does not seem like the norm either. This is especially true about the animals. Its certainly a case for not so much digging as getting her to open up. She may certainly need some kind of medical support, maybe cognative theropy. The need for strong daily schedules is a must. You may need to ask a local pet charity to help with the dogs. left to their "pack" environment either of the children may become a object for attack. The left dog waste is really a place to start. Then moving across the house. You can try talking to her in a rational way but I suspect that she is a little to far down the road for you to pull her back without specialist help. beside the weight of having to support and run the house until she can motive and focus is going to be like shifting a mountain for you.

Get advice asap. There are some great organisations out there that can help you to help her. I dont see her as a lazy wife I see a mental issue which is becoming bigger than both of you.


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

She's never been that great with the dogs. So her plan is to buy them cages so they aren't just walking around the basement but like always that has yet to happen. I suspect it's because I haven't said anything about it. As far as her hygiene she does bathe daily but her lady areas go unkempt from time to time. Last night I kinda blew up at her because she asked me to pick her up from work first then go pick up our 4 y/o which was fine but then she called me at 4:31 (she gets off at 4:30 and she has a phone at her desk) to tell me her boss gave her work to at 3:45 and she was going to be late. I had to drive across town to get my kid and then back to get her. It was Halloween and traffic was crazy and the kids missed half of trick or treating. I thought it was selfish that she didn't let me know that she had things to do and didn't let me know earlier so I could a avoid traffic and the kids not miss any trick or treating time.

Now sex between us has always been a problem in our relationship. As a guy there are days when I'm just crazy horny but she never seems to get that way. I'm not happy having sex 4 or 5 times a month. I could count on one hand the times where she has really been into it. When we discuss it I get "well my drive isn't like yours" or "before we moved in together we only saw each once a week". My personal favorite is she says she needs to be more affectionate. I can't be affectionate with some one who doesn't want to sleep with me. Also I'm into foreplay when it goes both ways but she says doesn't want to go through the "whole ordeal". I'm just fed up with it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

FRANKLINCLINTON said:


> She's never been that great with the dogs. So her plan is to buy them cages so they aren't just walking around the basement but like always that has yet to happen. I suspect it's because I haven't said anything about it.


Please, please, please don't let her cage the dogs in the basement. I am not against dog cages per se, when properly used as a "den" for the dog to have some peace and quiet or for housetraining purposes. I have used them myself. But confining them just to keep the basement cleaner is wickedly cruel. How will they get exercise if she won't walk them and they can't even walk freely around the basement?

As for the sex problem; how much quality time do you and your wife spend together? It sounds like she has become pretty detached from the marriage and if you want sex with any kind of enthusiasm from her I think you will have to suck it up and start trying to show some affection even if you don't really feel it.


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

MissFroggie said:


> Well that's a vicious cycle. Did you sleep together as soon as you met or did you give affection before that happened? It sounds like you want out and are looking for justification to leave.
> 
> I do agree she should have called you earlier to say she would be late, assuming she knew she wouldn't be finished in time and was able to. It was an inconvenience and I'm sure in the long run the kids won't even remember starting trick or treating a bit late this year.
> 
> You said you were looking for someone else. Have you met someone yet or are you still just planning it? Are you looking for excuses to start a new relationship and get out of this one?



I'm not looking for someone else. I'm just putting myself in position in case it comes to that. This whole Halloween thing is now my fault because i yelled at her but her selfishness drives me crazy. I don't treat her right because when i get angry i "yell". I voice my displeasure but I don't yell. Anyways that's beside the point. Her BS has worn thin. All I can think about is working out and getting back in shape because I believe she takes me for granted and can do whatever. I'm going to let her know she isnt the only fish in the sea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> Please, please, please don't let her cage the dogs in the basement. I am not against dog cages per se, when properly used as a "den" for the dog to have some peace and quiet or for housetraining purposes. I have used them myself. But confining them just to keep the basement cleaner is wickedly cruel. How will they get exercise if she won't walk them and they can't even walk freely around the basement?
> 
> As for the sex problem; how much quality time do you and your wife spend together? It sounds like she has become pretty detached from the marriage and if you want sex with any kind of enthusiasm from her I think you will have to suck it up and start trying to show some affection even if you don't really feel it.


I can't fake it. She'll see right through it. Besides I feel like I'm a good enough father and husband to be actually wanted. This feels like begging to me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

FRANKLINCLINTON said:


> I can't fake it. She'll see right through it. Besides I feel like I'm a good enough father and husband to be actually wanted. This feels like begging to me


Well, unless you can get her to change her mind some other way then it looks like it is either begging or nothing.

I am sure you are a great father. As a husband, I am not saying you are not a good husband, but your wife's responses to you would tend to suggest that she does not think so, for whatever reason. You need to find out why.

I appreciate that you are feeling at the end of your rope right now but the only person you can change is you. Changing the way you respond to her and treat her could result in her changing too. And if it doesn't then at least you will know you gave it your best shot.


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## FRANKLINCLINTON (Oct 31, 2013)

I'm not on the prowl but you're right I'm very angry. I work very hard (and so does she) to provide for my family. I help with the house work. I don't go out very much. I've never cheated. I was told growing up that if you do right by your wife she will do right by you . I don't feel like she holding up her end. So yes I'm angry and yes my motivation for working out isn't exactly for ALL the right reasons. That doesn't make me a bad person. I'm a fed up husband
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

She needs affection. You need sex. Have you considered giving her some non-sexual affection and she may WANT to have sex with you. Seeing each other once a week while dating isn't enough time to see how a person really is, as you've probably discovered. 

The dog issue is disgusting. You would rather have those poor dogs walking in their own sh!t than hire someone or just do it yourself. I'm assuming for spite? Just leave. You will both be better off.


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