# Wife Lives in Fantasy Land



## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

I have been separated from my wife for about 2 weeks now and it has been crazy. Now I have given her the space she asked for. But the space has not quite happened. 
We see each other everyday. We still have sex. We go together to our child's events. All the time I'm thinking, I thought you needed to be away from me. Hell we went out to dinner with friends and it was nice. 
We went Christmas shopping for our child last week and get this....I had to pay for the whole thing. Oh but I shouldn't worry she says because she gets paid soon. Come on girl, I thought you were trying to be independent. 
Now I gave her the money she asked for to take care of our child. But it has been two weeks and the girl has no money. She got her paycheck...it was for $496. That was for two weeks work. Yes, I know!! Her rent is $1900 a month. 
Some might say there must be some man who is giving her money to live. And you would be wrong. Her mom has been the golden goose. Funny thing is that the mom has no money to retire(sh'e over 65). It is all credit cards.
To be honest, I am beginning to get used to the idea of living apart. Is that cool? There is no other woman I'm trying to be with but I am getting used to living by myself. My child spends the night with me on the weekends then off to moms for the week. Oh the silence and free time. 
Yet we are trying to work out our marriage according to her. I will say we do talk more than we ever have about everything. That part makes me happy. But she hates the fact that I'm argumentative. I just think I am a realist and point out things. Imagine living with a man who points things out like Chris Rock. That's me. She used to love that about me at the start. Now she wants a counselor to hear my take on things.
I have asked for a divorce and a legal separation but she does not want to. She claims that she wants to get back together,she just needs space and time to think. What the hell does that mean? I am going along with it because I do love her and want things to work out also.Plus I'm getting everything I want besides living with someone. But this all seems so strange.


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

baltimorebarry said:


> She claims that she wants to get back together,she just needs space and time to think. What the hell does that mean?


if she has been seeing someone else it would mean she is waiting to see if that works out and if it dont then you are her back-up man.

if not, then im not sure what it could mean.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Maybe she's hoping you wont be so argumentative? Do you argue frequently with her? I certinaly would need my space too, if my husband was arguing with my every night. Sure it's fine now, your getting along without having to argue. 

Maybe you need to rethink how you are treating her.

My husband and I have never argued these last 13 years. He, too, is a very smart man, but he values my opinion as well and we compromise on everything equally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She needs time and space= I want the OM and my spouse.

This all sound like one gaint case of cake eating on her part.


----------



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't avoid confrontation. Yes, arguments can get bad and push you and your spouse away from each other. BUT, you can argue if you both of you discuss what your plan/goal would like to be in your discussion or argument. Compromise can be a good thing sometimes, but it always doesn't work. Women are masters at compromising with their husbands, but many resent some of it deep down. Having her space will not solve anything. You can't work on a marriage when you are apart.


----------



## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> Don't avoid confrontation. Yes, arguments can get bad and push you and your spouse away from each other. BUT, you can argue if you both of you discuss what your plan/goal would like to be in your discussion or argument. Compromise can be a good thing sometimes, but it always doesn't work. Women are masters at compromising with their husbands, but many resent some of it deep down. Having her space will not solve anything. You can't work on a marriage when you are apart.


Totally agree.

Whats probably going to happen is she is going to string you along for as long as you will comply while using you to help her ease into her new life without you. Happened to me, hope it doesn't happen to you. If you get the feeling you are being used do a 180, and "Let them Go" and move on with your life as painful as that is. In time you will recover.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Women initiate 2/3 of all divorces, so it stands to reason that when a woman initiates a separation from her husband, chances are that she has one foot out of the marriage. 

Allowing her to have her cake and eat it to, only shows her that she doesn't have to worry about loosing you, even if she divorces you.

By successfully implementing the *The 180 degrees rules* (and possibly *Just Let Them Go*), you will become an emotionally strong man who will not be afraid to move on with his life whether or not his wife chooses to remain married to him. And if your wife still has any love left for you, she MIGHT become attracted to you to the point of wanting to come back to you (a often seen side effect - NOT the purpose - of the 180).

The 180 and Just Let Them Go, will show her that you have a life without her and that you don't NEED her in it in order to be a happy man.


----------



## AnewBeginning (Dec 27, 2011)

You said that she wanted to do counseling? Are you against that? right now H and I are separated. We talk every couple nights, we've had sex a few times, but I am just soo confused, and afraid that if I go right back it will all be the way it was...horrible, mean, and a hateful loveless marriage....H has gone to counseling with me a couple times and it seems to help. and he HATES anything like that! Would you ever consider going? It is possible that there could be another man, but it could also be that she is just really confused.


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I don't think that just because she is asking you to live seperate that she is seeing another man. She must still be emotionally connected if you are still having sex. 

When I asked my husband to leave our home about 4 months ago...it was because I was so tired of crying and fighting. It seemed like there was no happiness. WE had just gotten back from a cruise about 6wks before and the way he was acting I thought he was just not in love with me and was only wanting me there because it was "easy" to have a wife at home.

We had a huge cooling off period where we only emailed about bills. There was anger back in forth in the emails from both of us. The anger stopped when he asked me if divorce was what I really wanted. I told him it really wasn't that I really did love him and wanted to keep our family together, but I was tired of fighting and being sad all the time. We had many mnay up and downs. Both os us were trying really hard. We were drawn to eachtoher again. Before the seperation my husband put all his free time into his video games. Then he started communicating with through text a few hours a night. WE never communicated so much in our whole marriage as much as we did during our time apart.

My husband is moving back in tomorrow!! Seperation did us really good, but started off as a divorce right away.

I think seperation can mean a new start to your marriage or a divorce. Both of us had lot of time to think about what we each thought was wrong with our marraige. We both thought about what eachothers needs were and what we were not meeting. 

You might ask her what she wants....Also ask her if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling as well as both of you go to individual counseling.


----------

