# Hurting so much and don't know what to do.



## karlk (Oct 15, 2010)

I'm updating in a new thread to keep things fresh. Quick back-track...my wife of 11 years (19 together) has suddenly informed me she is no longer happy. We've had the best relationship and people have been envious. We fought, of course...but always talked it out. We've been through so much and I though we were stronger than ever. My mistake.
This past year has been hell in our home. I got laid off (July 2009) so finances have been grim at bets since. Has been almost a year until I finally found work. On the same day I found out I got the new job, (july26,2010) I found out my mom has inoperable lung cancer and won't make it to Christmas. These have been some trying past few months...and we have been fighting a lot. Nothing major, but still a fight is a fight. I've always thought we've resolved them, but after she told me she wasn't happy, I realized we hadn't lately. I've realized quite a few things, and I am ashamed that I never noticed before. Well, after our talk (which I had to really push her to open up) we agreed to a couple days of reflection. My surprise is that the very next day, she had called a social worker to talk to someone. I was happy. To me that seemed like she was still wanting to try. After her appointment, we talked. Essentially without going into what they talked about (I said it was between them) she mentioned the social worker advised her towards a trial separation. I was crushed. Needless to say, it's been a roller coaster of emotion. We have some plans for me to leave (our jobs, kids schedules etc are better with her in the home) and we will "see how things go. She needs time. I'm going along with it because I do believe she does, but this is killing me. I want us to go to marriage counselling.maybe not right away, but we should talk things through. As a couple. She just keeps telling me "i don't know" I'm really trying to be big about all of this, but everything in me tells me something is up. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm panicing. I was wondering if anyone, specifically women can offer me any advice as to what she may be thinking. Maybe it might help ease my worst fears. For now, I'm still at home and we have yet to talk again. To many ears (kids). I'm begging for some advice. Please.....anyone?


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I've made it through :smthumbup:

Ok, well, I would like to give you insight on what she may be thinking, but you writing she isn't happy doesn't help....

You have to be more specific....what is she not happy about....

Without more information I don't think anyone can give you a lot of advice....sorry  !!!!


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## karlk (Oct 15, 2010)

Thats the thing...she won't tell me. She's just tells me she's feels frustrated, short-tempered and just overall not happy. I can't get a straight answer. I got some insight when she blurted out that it's always her fault. That is one of the arguments we always have where she tells me " you always make it my fault" and I do (have) argued to that point. I realize that portion of our arguments was me always trying to prove my point. I never realized maybe there just wasn't a point to be made. i don't know. It's VERY frustrating for me because she barely looks at me, won't smile or talk to me. It's like I was caught doing something unthinkable...and yet I have no idea what that was. This is what hurts so bad. I'm about to move out, leave my boys (7 and 5) and not be in contact with her for a while so she can just have time to think things out. Christ, is it really that bad?? I'm so afraid she's fragile enough I can't ask.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Mmmhh....my husband wouldn't tell me about his problems he's having either...

He would tell me he is depressed and has some other issues he doesn't want to talk about....

Finally when I had the last talk with him where I agreed to the divorce so he can get better (that's what he thinks he needs to get over his issues) he told me what the issues were...

They are definitely issues to be taken seriously and I felt very bad because I believe my doing or rather not doing is part of the reason he's got these issues.....

If you're at the point to give her space to figure things out then why don't you let her know that....

Tell her that you will give her the space she needs to figure things out, but ask her to tell her where (exactly) you went wrong....that's only fair....

So that you can try to work on these issues and not do them again, be it in the relationship with her or a future relationship, but you need to know.....


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