# One thing earlier



## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

What is one thing you wish you had done earlier in your relationship that you felt improved it the most and how did you overcome any fears? I’m not looking for super intimate and detailed answers just some common ground for my husband and I so we both don’t feel like such inexperienced and lost married couple.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CN2622 said:


> What is one thing you wish you had done earlier in your relationship that you felt improved it the most and how did you overcome any fears?


That is perhaps an awkward question as some of the events that improved my marriage the most are going through some of life's dramatic events together with my wife and making it out OK. You wouldn't exactly wish for those things to ever happen, they just happen.

To try and answer the question I think you are trying to ask... Don't be afraid to go to therapy. A professional can point out some areas of your personal development as a couple that needs focus and talk about how to work on it in a constructive way. Sometimes this process can also help you better understand who you are and why you might struggle in certain ways as a couple.

At the end of the day marriage is about fully knowing who you are and allowing your spouse to completely see you. Most people try and be a better version of themselves for a spouse and hide their defects. You shouldn't hide anything as you have to learn how to be open about your imperfections and allow your partner to show you that those actually might be the things that make you into a more lovable person. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

It is really hard for me to identify just one specific thing. A couple years ago as our kids were starting college it really hit me that it was just going to be me and her again. Honestly it kind of scared me. Our kids were such a major part of our day to day lives I worried about how we would fill that hole in our lives. I made it a point to regularly let her know how much I love and appreciate her through words and actions. Being lazy, even in your relationship, is very easy, but it isn't healthy. Every opportunity I have to do something for her, I do it. Even though she didn't complain much prior to this, she definitely saw the difference in me. Thankfully she acknowledged and genuinely appreciated it. And she has really reciprocated. We both wondered why we weren't doing that more previously, but you can't change the past. Hopefully this makes sense and isn't just me rambling, lol.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We both made it clear that we wanted an active sex life for as long as we are physically able, and would do anything reasonable to make that happen. As we've gotten much older, that now means exploring hormone supplements, etc.


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