# Staying together



## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

Over the past few days, my son has been very angry about our separation and has actually said some things that have worried me. I am considering talking to my H about if we could work out staying together with separate bedrooms, etc. I'm really thinking that this is the best possible situation for our son and that's my only concern at this point. I think we could work out the practical aspects of how this would work. Does anyone have any experience with making this work?
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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

i think that anytime someone is willing to work things out is great. you sound like you are trying to do whats best for your son, and your not thinking about only yourself. if theres anything to save then its always worth saving, but make sure your happy through to process too! it's always hard on the childern when seperation comes up. maybe you could also seek therapy for your son. he might have other things going on in his life thats getting him down and this just might be the last straw for him. but either way, trying to work things out and maybe start over and begin to date each other again would be good. we change as we grow and sometimes were not the same people we used to be. good luck, not many parents put their childern first. refreshing to hear from one that does.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Can you tell us more about your situation? (Sorry if I missed an earlier thread!)

How old is your son? What motivated the decision to split up? Who wants out of the relationship and why? Are you and your H fighting? friends but not intimate?


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## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

My husband told me about six months ago that he doesn't think he wants to be married any more. Since then, I did a lot of the wrong things in trying to get him to talk all the time about it, work on things, and I did a lot of pushing and crying and begging. We went to one counseling session. Two weeks ago, he came home and told me that he can't do this any more and that he was leaving us. He is staying with his parents and sees our son several times a week. 

We have not been intimate in months. He says that he is not in love with me any more, although he does still love me. There has been a good bit of fighting over the past few months because of my urgency to try to "fix" all of this and trying to understand waht in the world happened in the first place. He swears there is no one else.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

It is not uncommon for children to express some anger at a separation. It comes out as angry most likely because he has not learned out to express himself well with words. Some individual counseling can help him to cope with his emotions and work through how he is feeling.

As for the living together, I don't think it is a good idea to live together just for the children. Do you really want to be around someone who does not want to be with you and is most likely unhappy at the same time? The unhappiness will be reflected by your son, since he looks to his parents for guidance.

Far better to make the break, work though your personal issues, and move forward with your life. You will be happier and your son will be happier with two happy, loving parents. Living together will just keep you locked in the same loop until something changes.


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