# Your challenges as a single parent...



## TheFamilyMan (May 4, 2011)

I'm curious to hear what challenges other single parents have. I'm a single father of 3 and it can be somewhat overwhelming at times, but i'm just curious to hear what other single parents have to say.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

One of the biggest challenges I seem to notice is how my son might be put on a little more of a level playing field with me when it comes to certain decisions since he and I are the only two in our household now. Simple things like; what to have or where to go for dinner, what movie should we go see, should we call up this person to see if they can go do something? The biggie now is, where to go on vacation? 

Before, there were certain things you often discussed with a spouse first. Sometimes the two of you made a decision and then just told the kids, “Hey, we are going to do xyz.”

I believe my son feels like he may have a little more say in decisions than he should. Every once in a while, I’ve had to throw out the whole, “Because I’m Mom and xyz is what I would like to do this time.” I don’t think that is a bad thing. It lets him know I’m still mostly in charge here. LOL!!!


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

Which challenges?
The one where I struggle with getting a sitter to even attend court hearings? thats hard...
I could go on and on lol but honestly I choose this and I like it much better than the way it was ... but...
I have no time for me but if I could I would not take it. 
He struggles to give a good supervised visit for an hour a week at a park. 
I struggle to protect and heal my babies...
I struggle to keep their Dad a good person in their eyes but he makes it hard.
I struggle to get him to care, sometimes when I tell him it is the only thing that I am impressed with he will do okay for a few days.
I have to choose sleep or me time.
Tonight I choose me time on the computer in the dark admittedly wallowing in anger and what ifs
I miss sex... but have no time for it much less finding a partner. 
How do I explain to my kids that they should not feel bad for him and that he does the sad sack act on purpose without making him look bad? That is a struggle

I have a different divorce experience than all that I know but it is mine. I have the 3 kids 100% of the time. 
I just wish I could split in 3 pieces so I could do more.
He was mean and abusive so I was doing all of their care all of their lives so it is actually easier without worrying about him anymore
I will stop but I feel for you... that is certain...


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I am a single father of 3 too - all boys. Challenges abound. Hard to summarize them.

I admit I do "guy mistakes" a lot when taking care of them. I have forgotten to sign homework a lot, and I felt really bad the other day when I forgot to give my middle son lunch money for Field Day and he didn't eat lunch. I am getting better at being in charge of health though . . .getting them on flouride supplemetns and getting them caught up on doctor/dentists visits that they have been behind on.

But forgetting that sort of stuff I know will make the ex fume beyond recognition. (most women fume when their ex-husband forgets to do the "mother" things)

My take as a father on divorce is the system gears up so the kids lose a father and gains 2 half time mothers in a way. . .my cooking has gotten a little better though. A little.

Yesterday, there was a lot of screaming in our house. I just let the boys all scream it out. The two older ones were resentful because they wanted to go fishing, and wanted me to come, but it was just too much with the toddler messing all around with fishing hooks and whatnot. I told them I would go, and drop them off and pick them up, but I just couldn't fish with them (what's teh point if I am chasing a toddler?).

They were both pretty much saying how they hated the toddler's presence.

I know I should have stopped the hurtful words but I know it's on their minds so I just let them say it. I sat with the oldest one and let him offer any suggestions and he essentially had none.

But the pro is the boys aren't split up. She was very dead-set against that at all.

The thing is I wouldn't care so much if an uncle, aunt, or whatever would step in and fill my void but my family lives far away and her family is simply disinterested. I didn't see her family once attend a soccer game or baseball game this season (unless they made the ones I wasn't there at, I probably made 60%).

And so another dysfunctional week goes by in the Scannerguard household. . .


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I did the single parent thing years ago while I was still an Active Duty Soldier overseas. My main problem was balancing my need to be a good parent (available for my kids) with my desire to be a great Soldier, (available at any hour for the Army). Both my kids were quite young, so mastering their needs wasn't all that hard. I understood what my son needed all the way through. When my daughter started maturing, having periods, and dealing with other "female" issues of which I was clueless about, I found that a bit intimidating. We made it. Both are grown and daughter graduates nursing school in a couple weeks. Take it one day at a time and don't expect perfection from them or from yourself. Even if you plant them too deep, as long as you water them once in a while and keep the weeds out, they'll grow. Monkeys raise their young. You are more than capable.


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