# Need Some Serious Help



## BrokenAngel (Nov 12, 2008)

This could be a long one please bare with me .........

Im 36 yrs old been with my hubby for 22 yrs and married for just 4 ! We have 6 children and excepting our first grandchild in jan! 

We have not had the best marriage at all, in 98 we seprated for 6 months , I became pregnant with my second son and we got back together when I was about 3 months pregnant( my son is not my husbands) Then we broke up again in 2005 , we were only married for 9 months and I packed up and left . When I say left I left everything the kids and all! Hubby was addicted to video games and I hated it and there was no way of working around it ! We were apart for 2 yrs , during those 2 yrs I had a long distance relationship with a man in another country , I have to admit I love this other man and i think that he is a huge part of me but i ended it cause I felt that it was never going to go anywhere . I got back together with my husband in oct 2006 , I become pregnant right away! I didnt want him to move back in with me , but he felt that was his ticket back in ! We fight all the time , I have just moved away from the city . I live 3 hours away from him , he decided to stay back in the city to work , Here I have the 4 youngest kids. He comes out on weekends.

Now to the point , I feel like our marriage is gone , there is nothing there . When he comes on weekends , he is always playing his game , yellin at the kids even though he hasnt seen them all week. I have talked to him about this over and over and he just doesnt get it ! Well last night I told him that I want a DIVORCE , that i was tired of living this way . He always tosses the kids in to the mix when I bring stuff up liek this, his words are : What cause you arent happy , no one can be" Just cause he is fine with our mariage and he thinks the kids okay , then I guess i should be okay with that . We have no kind of sexual contact. In the last yr we have had sex 2 times . and then it is a fight . He pecks me on the cheeck whrn he comes in the door on friday , and on the cheek when he leaves on sundays! We havent slept in the same bed in yrs . 

When we were aprt in 2004 to 2006 , he would be all over me when he use to come and pick up the kids , When we got back together he was so awesome , we went on dates , we laughed and it was great ! I want that back and i have told him that , he tells me he doesnt have to be that way anymore cause he got what he wanted ! 

I dont know what to do , i hate the thought of having to put my kids through HELL again , but im not happy and if he doesnt want to change then I want out ! 

Any advice please


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

what do you want him to change. the video games? him working out of town? sleeping in separate beds? more dates? frequency of sex?

sorry. i'm a guy. sometimes we don't "get it."


----------



## BrokenAngel (Nov 12, 2008)

in all honesty I want the video games gone, I hate them . It is pretty bad when you have to yell at the top of your lungs to your yr old daughter cause she hasnt seen you in a week and wants to play! I want communication we have none , Im sure if there was some talk in our marriage everything else would come togehter ! We had it all before that is what I dont understand , when we were getting back toghether , he treated me like I was a person , now he treats me like Im the lady that cooks, cleans and looks after his kids , my feelings dont count he has made that clear !


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

BrokenAngel said:


> in all honesty I want the video games gone, I hate them . It is pretty bad when you have to yell at the top of your lungs to your yr old daughter cause she hasnt seen you in a week and wants to play! I want communication we have none , Im sure if there was some talk in our marriage everything else would come togehter ! We had it all before that is what I dont understand , when we were getting back toghether , he treated me like I was a person , now he treats me like Im the lady that cooks, cleans and looks after his kids , my feelings dont count he has made that clear !


is he so insensitive that, if you told him exactly what you wrote above in a civil, non-confrontational tone, he would respond negatively?


----------



## BrokenAngel (Nov 12, 2008)

voivod said:


> is he so insensitive that, if you told him exactly what you wrote above in a civil, non-confrontational tone, he would respond negatively?



I have told him those exact words , he doesnt get it ! He tells me that he wont be the man that he was when we got back together cause he has what he wants now ! He wont give up his video games cause that to me is something he puts his time into so that he doesnt have to face the truth about what is going on around him! He did stop playing for a while. If he doesnt play he sleeps, so if I say something about the game or anything else for that matter he will just go to bed . Then he doesnt have to deal with reality ! 

I seriously dont know what to do , he claled this afternoon , i havent spoke with him since yesterday morning , he always seems to busy to speak with me on the phone when he is in the city! He just keeps tellin me im selfish and that I dont care about what happens and who I hhurt aslong as I have my way !


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

BrokenAngel said:


> I have told him those exact words , he doesnt get it ! He tells me that he wont be the man that he was when we got back together cause he has what he wants now !


answer: that's unfortunate honey, you have what you want but i don't have what i want.



BrokenAngel said:


> He just keeps tellin me im selfish and that I dont care about what happens and who I hhurt aslong as I have my way !


okay, what IS "your way?"

serious, make a list, but make it reasonable. presnt it. good luck. i want you to have a good conclusion to this. so use a bit of tact, okay?


----------



## BrokenAngel (Nov 12, 2008)

voivod said:


> answer: that's unfortunate honey, you have what you want but i don't have what i want.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Hmm what is my way , well he always says that when i tell him we need to mend our marriage or I want out! He thinks my main goal is to be single and that is what he he means my way! 
If my only goal ws to be single I would have left along time ago , or I would have never came back the two times that I already have ! My way to me is that we have a very open and honest marriage, that we can talk to each , ( we dont talk at all) I can honestly say maybe 20 words durin the whole weekend that he is here , he never discuss our kids or anything anymore !


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

BrokenAngel said:


> Hmm what is my way , well he always says that when i tell him we need to mend our marriage or I want out! He thinks my main goal is to be single and that is what he he means my way!
> If my only goal ws to be single I would have left along time ago , or I would have never came back the two times that I already have ! My way to me is that we have a very open and honest marriage, that we can talk to each , ( we dont talk at all) I can honestly say maybe 20 words durin the whole weekend that he is here , he never discuss our kids or anything anymore !



okay, and you said this to him, right? ask for an uninterrupted 5 minutes...and say what you said, to him:

"If my only goal ws to be single I would have left along time ago , or I would have never came back the two times that I already have ! My way to me is that we have a very open and honest marriage, that we can talk to each , ( we dont talk at all) I can honestly say maybe 20 words durin the whole weekend that he is here , he never discuss our kids or anything anymore!"

those words have meaning. he should respond positively. if he doesn't, then you have an issue. tell him that. consequences!


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sorry, I can't help but think -- DUMP HIM! Kick him out, change the locks, IMMEDIATELY, freeze your bank accounts! He only wants life on his terms. That's not right. Period.


----------

