# Is Everthing Gone.



## adeel26 (Feb 20, 2012)

Morning All

Here is my story,

I belong to a moderate Muslim family. I came to UK in 2004 as a student and since then I have been here working my way up. I am Electrical Engineer by profession and am on a good pay.

In our culture/religion whatever you want to call as, almost 90% of the people get arrange marriage and so did I. I met my wife in March 2010 and got married in May 2010. It was great feeling we felt we clicked like once. She is a doctor by profession and is seeking her practice exams in the UK. 

Since the beginning we had issues with our marriage. She was very very afraid to do sex (intercourse). She would cry like hell and won’t let her touch me. This continued for about 2 months. I have to admit that I was cruel to her by not giving her support in hard times. Somehow by the grace of God she managed to overcome the issue. I might be wrong here, but the way she acted during those 2 months was very hard for me and living on my own since 2004 until we got married, this was a shock to me. Well our home surrounding was so depressing that whenever I come back to home work. She was talking about this issue to her mom or her sister reason could have been me that I wasn’t supporting her. 

After the above issue was sorted out small issues came in our way. I am a tidy person and I want all the things to be perfect. Let me put it this way that if there would be a scratch on the wall I would become very angry and say bad words to her. I nearly picked her on every minor issue. I guess I wanted her to live my way. These things got worse and I started abusing her (don’t take me wrong please; I am here to list my issue and admit and get it sorted out) by pushing her whenever any bad thing happens. When I was good I was out of this world for her but when I am bad she wanted to hate me as much she possibly can. But she didn’t she stick to me during those times. We were living normal family life having holidays and then the good news came in June 2011 that she is expecting. I was like normal never showed expressions I should have shown at time. I know you might call me what a jerk I am. Well time stared to pass slowly things were the same as before. In Oct 2011 she decided she had enough of me and left me suddenly by asking her brother to give her lift to her sister place but telling her brother that she is just going to her sister place for a visit. I got very angry & upset that why she has did this. Well guess what because of my entire above attitude to her. That night I realised what I have done, what I have lost and the next day I went to her sister place to apologise. I cried, I accepted that I was a fool. I haven’t given respect to her. She somehow came back with me. But she asked me to promise that I should choose her instead of my anger and I should see some anger management consular that could help me in my anger management. I started to look around and asked my surgery to guide me which they did. I got a place in one of the local counselling group but the person I saw for the 1st session advice me that this could take a long time i.e. they are really busy so I might have to wait for 2 months which I agreed to without asking my wife. On the other end my wife was willing to support me during this time. She used to ask me to sit down with her and go through different activities with respect to anger. This continued for a while but during that that I came back to my original bad behaviour like picking her up again on different issues. But this time I swear to my Allah that I was very much picking myself I knew what she has gone through with me. I want to put it this way at first if I was wrong 100/100 but now I am like 95/100. I have only been to 2 sessions as of now. The anger management sessions just started like in last week of January. I started to act on the consular advice on some of the issues. But I guess this was too late for me and too much for my lovely wife who is expecting a child in few days time. Last week Wednesday she left me again, I was at work and she called her sister to pick her up and just leave. I found out when I came back with a letter address to me that she had enough of my anger, my ignoring attitude. 

She doesn’t want to live with me or with my anger attitude anymore now. I tried calling her but she is not answering my calls. My mom is due to come this week Thursday. This was to help her during our first child birth. Don’t know what will happen now. I have made like 200 calls only one was picked and she spoke to me for about 10 mins and just told me the things I have mentioned above. She says she will talk to me when my mom is here. She is afraid of my anger my caring less attitude. We are expecting our first girl I am not sure how my wife and my child is doing in her tummy as she is not answering any of my calls. I am totally broken from inside and this time I am punishing myself by not going to her sister place or this feeling is not letting me to go and pick her “that she has enough of me. If I go and ask her to come back she won’t because this has already happened in the past”. 

I and My GOD know that how I have been passing the days and nights without her. I think she must be going through the same. I am more worried about our baby and her than anybody else in this world. I don’t know what is going on. 

I want to correct myself and have started the process by taking the consular advice but that was too late for our family. I really love my wife. I have every other thing I can imagine but without her I am empty. I have cried and cried but this is not going to change. I want to change for our family, for my lovely wife and my upcoming daughter. I know you might think I am cruel but believe me I do have a heart. My wife is in pain, I am in pain, our parents now know this as well and they say just leave it to your wife. My wife is saying that she doesn’t want to come back to me. She had enough. She hasn’t said that she wants to go a step further towards separation yet but neither has she wanted to come back. I am not sure where my anger will take me. I need to get this fixed. 

My mom is coming soon I hope that she comes back when my mom will come. I want to get the things working. Please just help me. I am not that bad if I can be good to others why can’t I be good to my wife. Any advice or help will be highly appreciated. 

Many thanks

A Khan


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Let her family know you are seeking treatment. This is a start. Do not expect your wife to run back to you over a couple therapy sessions. Your wife is no fool. Hopefully you can turn your life around and be a good father.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## adeel26 (Feb 20, 2012)

Thanks gonefishin for your reply. Her parents are now aware of the situation that I have put my wife into. I myself will be a father of one daughter soon (hopefully by grace of God!). I really believe that I can change. 

I have created this situation myself. Have lost my wife’s trust completely. Have let her down on every occasion and aspect of her life. I am not saying this to over come what I am just feeling. I really want to apply changes. Start from small things. 

Thanks


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