# Now What?



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

So... my lovely wife had our little baby girl (healthy and happy baby!) about 10 weeks ago.

We've been getting along pretty swell the past 4 months, some ups and downs as expected... but no real threats to leave on her end.

Two nights ago, we are laying in bed, and gently talking, and I mentioned (As nice as possible without accusing... or at least I thought i did!) that she didn't seem into me anymore. This was right after I had asked if she wanted to have sex, and she said that she thought I was tired and in the morning...

She walked out of the room, angry that I opened up my feelings to her.

She calmed down the next day, but the tension was still there...

Then yesterday, we had agreed to start a new business for her, in network marketing, with my assistance. She was successful in her home country many years ago in Amway, and wanted to get back into a venture we found out about last week. We made a list of names of people to contact, and then I waited a couple days... she didn't do anything with the list. So I contacted 2 ladies, and 2 gentlemen on the list. I told her I contacted some people and she didn't say anything.

We are driving yesterday to a meeting, and I open my messanger and there are the two ladies on my messanger. She flips out, and tells me I'm cheating. I'm incredulous. Say what? I showed her the list when we got home, and both ladies were on it. Mind you, she has complete and total access to my FB / Email / Banks / CC / Phone... anything and everything. She even has her own fingerprint for my samsung phone stored! 

So she locks down, won't talk to me, tells my 12 and 11 year old daughters I'm cheating on her. Then today, she calls the cops when I told her that she couldn't take our newborn and leave! Cops come to the house, assess the situation and go on their way (No crimes committed obviously!)... now she says she wants a divorce, (surprise surprise) and that she hates me. 

I can't reason with her, she won't talk to me, she screams and yells, and I have to walk away each time to avoid yelling back.

I gave her 4 or 5 hours this afternoon, and then sent her a text saying I can take the baby and my girls and let her have an evening free... she screamed at me and just walked out the door with the baby.

Now typically, her silent treatments end in 3 or 4 days. 

Not sure what the next steps are... don't want to bring family into this.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Usually when a spouse accuses their partner of cheating without good reason it is because they themselves are cheating. Have you found anything that would make you suspect that she is being unfaithful?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Any PPD going on?


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Any PPD going on?


Not much... she's mentioned a few times that she is still recovering emotionally (hard for her to talk about this articulately though) but life has been fairly normal. We've had a good sex life, decent communications.. I personally am very very happy.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

EunuchMonk said:


> Usually when a spouse accuses their partner of cheating without good reason it is because they themselves are cheating. Have you found anything that would make you suspect that she is being unfaithful?


Not a thing. I looked early on, but absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. Granted, I didn't look very deep (Just causally checked her phone/text record online) and didn't see any calls or text outside the normal time lines etc. 

I may, or may not, have previously mentioned the honeymoon guy who texted me saying he was sleeping with my wife... i looked into it, and they were FB friends... but she denied ever sleeping with him (Not that I care what she did prior to the marriage) but her phone records do show she talked to him for about a month prior to us hooking up... (That's when I looked above). Zero contact that i can tell since we got married.

I truly think she believes I'm cheating on her. I don't get it. I surprised her last week with flowers and card and she loved it! (They didn't end up in the trash this time ) I shower her with physical attention and pleasure, and since the baby was due, haven't traveled one bit for work. Basically 4 weeks before she was due, I took off travel, and haven't traveled in the next 10 weeks since. I spend almost every minute of every day within ear-shot of her (Since I work from home). I can't think of one time I've gone out for more then 30 minutes to the store without her.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Detach. Are you in good shape? Get in better shape, work out 5x a week. Go buy yourself a nice car. Let her know you don't need her and can replace her at anytime. Stop doing stuff for her all the time. Get out of the house and don't tell her where you are going. What you're doing now isn't working.

Sorry, but sounds like you decided to have a baby with a crazy lady. Get her to the doctor and hopefully meds will make it more tolerable.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Hmmm... after reading your other thread "Silent Treatment by Wife" I think now might be a good time to summons our TAM friend @Uptown...

He may have some helpful insight for you.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

GuyInColorado said:


> Detach. Are you in good shape? Get in better shape, work out 5x a week. Go buy yourself a nice car. Let her know you don't need her and can replace her at anytime. Stop doing stuff for her all the time. Get out of the house and don't tell her where you are going. What you're doing now isn't working.
> 
> Sorry, but sounds like you decided to have a baby with a crazy lady. Get her to the doctor and hopefully meds will make it more tolerable.


Ya... I'm in good shape. I used to be in amazing shape (Boxer/MMA guy) but I haven't been to training since we starting dating. I could re-join my boxing coach... not a bad idea.

Detached married life is not what I want. I will have to make TON's more money if she actually divorces me, just to pay her. She has been a stay at home mom since she got preg. Oh boy...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Any PPD going on?


I was just going to say the exact same thing. She needs to see her dr. stat and be evaluated. At the VERY least you need to go with her to her next appt. and speak up. She may not like it, but it needs to be done. PPD can be VERY serious.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

You've been married less than a year, you got married because she got pregnant and she has acted this way since the beginning. Your not the cause of her unhappiness, your her excuse for her unhappiness. 
You keep trying to change and adapt to save this marriage but she is unwilling. The one constant in your marriage is her erratic behavior yet that the one thing that's not getting addressed. She has bigger issues than an unhappy marriage.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

happy as a clam said:


> Hmmm... after reading your other thread "Silent Treatment by Wife" I think now might be a good time to summons our TAM friend @Uptown...
> 
> He may have some helpful insight for you.


Wow... I just read Uptown's posts linked in older threads. Wow.

My eyes really were opened big time.

I need to digest this.

So, let's say that my wife is a BPD'er... how do I get along with it? Has anyone successfully done so?


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

*SHORT RESPONSE:* MrNightly, you are describing a strong pattern of immature behaviors called BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). An important issue is whether you are seeing only a temporary flareup of her normal BPD traits (caused by hormones) or, instead, a persistent BPD problem she has been exhibiting since her early teens. I agree with @*EleGirl* and @*Hope1964* that there is a good chance you're only seeing a temporary flareup of BPD symptoms caused initially by pregnancy and then in the past 10 weeks by PPD. On the other hand, I also share @*Happy's *concern that -- given the very unstable behaviors and terrible childhood described in your other threads -- your W may be exhibiting a persistent BPD problem.
*
LONG RESPONSE: * The behaviors you describe -- i.e., irrational jealousy, controlling actions, easily triggered temper tantrums, verbal abuse, days of passive-aggressive icy withdrawal and sulking, rapid flips between Jekyll (adoring you) Hyde (hating you), and always being "The Victim" (never apologizing or accepting responsibility) -- are classic warning signs for BPD. Importantly, I'm not suggesting your W has full-blown BPD but, rather, that she may exhibit strong traits of it -- and, to a lesser extent, traits of AvPD (Avoidant PD).

I caution that BPD is not something -- like chickenpox -- that a person either "has" or "doesn't have." Instead, it is a spectrum disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit, usually at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your W exhibits BPD traits. Of course she does. We all do. 

Rather, at issue is whether she exhibits those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met her, I cannot answer that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are easy to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as always being "The Victim," icy withdrawal, verbal abuse, and temper tantrums.



> We only dated half a year when she got pregnant.... so i quickly proposed and we married. She built walls prior to getting married yes.[2/20 post.]


It is common for healthy people to exhibit strong flareups of their normally-low BPD traits when experiencing a surge of hormones. This is why a large share of healthy individuals exhibit strong BPD symptoms during puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, PMS, perimenopause, and -- LOL -- any other life event starting with the letter "P." 

Except for the first 6 months, your W has been experiencing pregnancy or postpartum hormone changes throughout your brief relationship. Moreover, the first 6 months tells us nothing because, even if she were a full-blown BPDer, she likely would not exhibit strong BPD symptoms during that courtship period. Her infatuation would have held her two great fears (abandonment and engulfment) at bay, preventing you from triggering either fear. I therefore suggest you speak with her sister to find out if she exhibited this same unstable behavior before you met her.



> She needs to learn to grow up and stop being a baby with her emotions. [2/22]


If she actually exhibits _persistent_ BPD symptoms, she likely has the emotional development of a four year old because something in her early childhood froze her development at that young age. The result would be that, for ego defenses, she still is fully reliant on the primitive defenses used by young children. These include denial, projection, black-white thinking, magical thinking, cold withdrawal, and temper tantrums.



> I truly think she believes I'm cheating on her. I don't get it.


If she is a BPDer (i.e., is persistently on the upper third of the BPD spectrum), her greatest fear is abandonment, which often is manifested in behavior as irrational jealousy. This is why _"Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment"_ is one of the nine defining traits for BPD.



> This last time she agreed to not do it anymore. Well, that didn't last and she broke her promise.[3/17]


If she is a BPDer, her perception of your intentions and motivations is almost fully determined by whatever intense feelings she is experiencing AT THIS VERY MOMENT. Hence, although she likely is sincere when agreeing to things, her promises likely will be washed aside by the next strong feeling that floods her mind.



> Little things set her off. [2/21]


This is why the partners of BPDers frequently feel like they are walking on eggshells to avoid triggering another temper tantrum. And this is why the #1 best-selling BPD book (targeted to those abused partners) is titled _Stop Walking on Eggshells_.



> She has never apologized once to me, in our entire marriage. [2/21]


If she is a BPDer, she has such a fragile, unstable self identity that she really doesn't know who she is. To the extent she has a lasting sense of self, it is the false self identity of being "The Victim," always "The Victim." Rather than have no self identity at all, a BPDer will keep a death grip on that false self image. This is done by frequently seeking "validation" of her victim status from you.

During the 6 month courtship, a BPDer accomplishes this by perceiving of you as The Rescuer who has come to save her from unhappiness. Because you're "rescuing" her, she must be "The Victim" in need of being rescued. When the infatuation starts to evaporate, however, your Rescuer days will start to become farther and fewer between. Instead, you will increasingly be perceived as The Perpetrator, i.e., the cause of her every misfortune. A BPDer thus has a powerful incentive to blame you for every problem and take responsibility for nothing. In that way, she nurtures and sustains her false self identity.



> She found a bunch of cards from my ex GF of 3+ years on my shelf in my office at home... I promptly burned them to show they meant nothing to me, but she said she couldn't forgive me for not getting rid of them before. [2/21 post.]


If she is a BPDer, you won't be forgiven. Instead, she will keep a mental list of every mistake you ever made (real or imagined). And she will not hesitate to pull out the ENTIRE list every time you have a heated argument, no matter how small and trivial the issue. 



> I'm telling you, we can have the best relationship in the world, then on a dime, she turns silent! [2/6]


BPDers generally will start the very WORST fights immediately after the very BEST of times. Like nearly all other adults, a BPDer craves intimacy. But she cannot tolerate it for very long. Because a BPDer has a fragile sense of self, she has a very weak sense of where "she" leaves off and "you" begin. Hence, during intimacy, a BPDer can get the scary feeling that she is losing herself into your strong personality. Moreover, she can feel like you are suffocating and controlling her. This awful feeling is called the "engulfment fear." The result is that, following an intimate weekend or in the middle of a great vacation, a BPDer can become so engulfed that she will start a fight over absolutely nothing to push you away. Or she may simply withdraw coldly for days, as you've described.

The vast majority of BPDers typically are great folks to be around while they are perceiving of you as "all good" (i.e., "with them"). And they can be terrible to be around while they are perceiving of you as "all bad" (i.e., "against them). BPDers categorize everyone close to them in this black-white manner because they are too emotionally immature to handle being in touch with two strong conflicting feelings at the same time. They also cannot handle dealing with the ambiguities, uncertainties, and other gray areas of close interpersonal relationships.

At a subconscious level, they solve this problem by placing the strong conflicting feelings and ambiguities out of reach of their conscious minds. That is, they "split off" those feelings so they don't have to deal with them. You will see this all-or-nothing thinking in a four year old who adores Daddy while he's bringing out the toys but, in a few seconds, will flip to hating Daddy when he takes one toy away. Like the young child, a BPDer can recategorize you from one polar extreme to the other -- in just ten seconds -- based on minor comment or action. And several days or weeks later she can flip back again just as quickly. As you say, _"then on a dime, she turns silent!"
_


> She admitted... the other part of her just *wanted to punch me in the face*. [2/6 post.]


A BPDer has been carrying enormous anger and hurt deep inside since early childhood. You therefore don't have to do or say a thing to CREATE the anger. You only have to do some minor thing that TRIGGERS a sudden release of anger that is always there below the surface. This is why a BPDer can burst into a rage in only a few seconds. And this is why another one of the 9 defining symptoms is _"Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger."_



> She tells my 12 and 11 year old daughters I'm cheating on her.... she calls the cops when I told her that she couldn't take our newborn and leave!... she screams and yells.


Likewise, my BPDer exW called the cops and had me arrested for "brutalizing" her. I admitted to the cops that I had pushed her away from a bedroom door she was trying to destroy during one of her rages. When I got out of jail 3 days later, I found out that she had obtained a R/O preventing me from returning to my own home for 18 months (the time it takes to get a divorce in this State).



> She rarely raises her voice, its the silent reactions. [2/22]


The vast majority of BPDers are loud because they thrown hissy fits and temper tantrums. A small share of BPDers, however, will only yell and scream on rare occasions -- as you say your W does. These BPDers are called "quiet borderlines" and "borderline waifs." Instead of being aggressively loud, they punish their partners with passive aggressive behaviors like icy silence and cold withdrawal. But they occasionally will become loud when their anger is severe enough.



> She said i wasn't the same as before... she said that i didn't care for her anymore. [2/20 post.]


Because a BPDer doesn't love herself, she cannot believe that anyone else can love her for an extended period. Even if she believes that you happen to love her at this very moment, she doesn't believe it will last. She lives in fear that, as soon as you discover how empty she is on the inside, you will abandon her. The result is that she will administer one love-test after another. Moreover, passing a test does not satisfy her at all. The only thing you will accomplish when passing a test is to ensure that, on the subsequent test, she will raise the hoop higher that you must jump through.



> I believe that her heart is gold. [2/21 post.]


It probably is. A BPDer's problem is not being BAD but, rather, being UNSTABLE. Because BPDers typically exhibit the vulnerability, warmth, and purity of expression seen in young children, they usually are very easy to fall in love with. Indeed, two of the world's most beloved women -- Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana -- both exhibited full-blown BPD if their biographers are correct.



> Perhaps this is just a passing phase... Hence my requests for ideas from you all.[2/20 post.]


Like* EleGirl* and *Hope*, I join you in hoping that your W's unstable and abusive behavior is _"a passing phase"_ caused by hormone changes. I nonetheless share *Happy's* concern that your W may be exhibiting strong symptoms that are persistent. I therefore suggest you check with her sister and others about her earlier history. I also suggest you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two _all by yourself_ -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you and your children are dealing with. 

Moreover, while you're looking for a good psychologist, I suggest you read about BPD warning signs to see if most seem to apply. Of course, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your W's issues. Although these symptoms are easy to spot, only a professional can determine whether they are so severe and persistent as to constitute full-blown BPD. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- and may help you decide whether it is prudent to spend money seeking a professional opinion. 

An easy place to start reading is my list of _*18 BPD Warning Signs*_. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you read my more detailed description of them at my posts in _*Maybe's Thread*_. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join Happy, EleGirl, and Hope the other respondents in discussing them with you.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Uptown... Wow. That is amazing info you gave, thank you for taking the time to put it all together. Invaluable! 

My wife exhibits somewhere between 15-17 of the 18 warning signs on a regular basis. (However, I can say I have a few of them as well!) Your comments on "Catching" BPD is spot on. 

I believe her trauma in the past, including short term memory loss from her accident when she was driving and her twin sister died, all play into this.

I don't want to be the doctor in the relationship, but having this knowledge is very enlightening. I have always been against, "labels" and "disorders"... and have always felt we can do whatever we choose to do with ourselves and making ourselves better. For instance, I used to score very high on the histrionic tests, until I realized, I don't want to be that way. I made a conscious effort to change, and I have improved dramatically in this area the past 5+ years.

But it is good to understand what one is up against.

The question remains, can one change with help from this BPD?


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## InspiralImplode (Jun 13, 2017)

Sorry if this has been asked already... it's hard to read all the post stuff on a phone.

Have you secured your relationship with the baby? She needs to let you see the baby regardless. You may want to file temporary orders for the baby.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

InspiralImplode said:


> Sorry if this has been asked already... it's hard to read all the post stuff on a phone.
> 
> Have you secured your relationship with the baby? She needs to let you see the baby regardless. You may want to file temporary orders for the baby.


Well... she came back after an hour or so. 

She slept in bed with me, and wanted me to hold her tightly. She gets night chills. Wakes up shivering uncontrollably. I always hold her tight and warm her up until they stop. They happened last night several times, so we ended up close in bed.

This morning, she hasn't really talked much, but I can tell how it's unfolding. She's calmed down, answers basic questions and in another day or two it will be as if nothing ever happened until the next time. I got her some vitamins and fruit this morning because she appeared to have a small fever... she responded nicely to the efforts.

I think it's pretty simple, that I need to find a "short-curcuit" to help these episodes be smaller/less volatile. Perhaps that is going to a pshycologist myself, as Uptown recommended to make sure I react appropriately.

I really don't believe she wants to leave, but the 4-year old mentality mentioned above, rings so true. She has an unhealthy fear of abandonment. Perhaps I haven't noticed, but will pay much closer attention to, the synergy between that fear and fear of attachment. 

Regardless, I'm her husband. I'm not going anywhere, and ideally, will learn ways to comfort her through this appropriately. Even just with this thread, I've realized reasoning is worthless and doesn't get us anywhere during these episodes. Perhaps just walking away for 3 or 4 days when they hit is the best thing I can do.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> Well... she came back after an hour or so.
> 
> She slept in bed with me, and wanted me to hold her tightly. She gets night chills. Wakes up shivering uncontrollably. I always hold her tight and warm her up until they stop. They happened last night several times, so we ended up close in bed.
> 
> ...


I think being calm and steady is the best thing you can do.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

MrNightly said:


> The question remains, can one change with help from this BPD?


Yes, with _professional_ guidance. If serious hormone and drug problems can be ruled out, the remaining common cause of strong BPD traits is a stunted emotional development, i.e., something that likely occurred before age five that caused her emotional development to freeze at the level of a young child. This is a far more serious problem because it is results in BPD traits that are permanent unless the BPDer undergoes years of intensive therapy to acquire the emotional skills that the rest of us learned in childhood.

These missing skills include how to do self soothing; how to regulate hers own emotions; how to intellectually challenge intense feelings instead of accepting them as "facts"; how to trust others; how to be "mindful" (i.e., to remain in the room instead of escaping in daydreams to the past or future); how to perceive "object constancy" (i.e., to see that your personality is essentially unchanged day to day, even when you are angry with her); and how to avoid black-white thinking by learning to tolerate strong mixed feelings, uncertainties, ambiguities, and the other gray areas of interpersonal relationships. 

Absent those skills, the BPDer must continue to rely on the primitive ego defenses used by young children: projection, denial, temper tantrums, magical thinking, and black-white thinking. Fortunately, most major cities now offer excellent treatment programs (e.g., CBT and DBT) that teach BPDers those missing emotional skills. It nonetheless is rare for a high functioning BPDer to have sufficient self awareness and ego strength to take advantage of these treatment programs. Nearly all of them refuse to attend therapy, primarily because their disorder is invisible to them. 

Moreover, a HF BPDer is filled with so much self loathing that the last thing she wants to find is one more item to add to the long list of things she hates about herself. Further, even when these BPDers attend therapy at the insistence of a spouse, they typically will play mind games with the therapists (as my exW did with six different psychologists in weekly visits for 15 years). And they won't remain in the programs long enough to make a real difference. But, of course, there are exceptions. A few of the HF BPDers -- my guess is 1% -- succeed in therapy because they have both the self awareness and ego strength that are necessary.



> She has an unhealthy fear of abandonment.


If your W suffers from strong Avoidant PD traits, she has a strong fear of abandonment. Yet, if she suffers from strong BPD traits, your situation is much more difficult because she has two great fears: abandonment and engulfment. Having both of these strong fears is a serious problem for the marriage because they lie at the opposite ends of the _very same_ spectrum. This means you are always in a lose/lose situation because, as you back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, you will start triggering the fear at the other end of that same spectrum.

Hence, as you move close to a BPDer to comfort her and assure her of your love, you will start triggering her engulfment fear, making her feel like she's being suffocated and controlled by you. Yet, as you back away to give her breathing space, you will find that you've started triggering her abandonment fear. Sadly, there is no midpoints solution (between "too close" and "too far away") where you can safely stand to avoid triggering the two fears. I know because I foolishly spent 15 years searching for that Goldilocks position, which simply does not exist when BPD symptoms are strong. 



> Perhaps that is going to a psychologist myself, as Uptown recommended to make sure I react appropriately.


As I noted above, you are in a lose/lose situation no matter how you react -- as long as you are living with an untreated BPDer -- because you cannot avoid triggering one fear or the other. Hence, the main reason I suggested you see your own psychologist -- i.e., one who has never met your W -- is to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is that you and your children are dealing with. 

If your W really is a high functioning BPDer, a therapist treating her is unlikely to tell her about the disorder, much less tell you. As I discuss at Loath to Diagnose, there are several reasons why therapists generally are loath to tell a BPDer the name of her disorder. They withhold that information to protect their client. 

Consequently, when BPD is a strong possibility, relying on your W's therapist for candid advice during the marriage would be as foolish as relying on her attorney for candid advice during a divorce. Your best chance of obtaining a candid professional opinion is to see a psychologist who is ethically bound to protect only YOUR best interests, not hers. 



> Not sure what the next steps are.


I offer several suggestions below, MrNightly. (If you change your mind about staying in the marriage, let me know and I will be glad to provide you an alternate list of links on how to protect yourself when divorcing.)

*First,* if your W's BPD traits are only mild to moderate, you can improve your R/S by learning how to validate her feelings (without agreeing they accurately reflect reality). Such validation tips are discussed in _Stop Walking on Eggshells. _Moreover, for free tips on how to validate and how to enforce strong personal boundaries, I recommend an online blog by a psychiatric nurse. It provides 20 tips to nurses on how they can best deal with obstinate BPDer patients. It is located at BPD on the Behavioral Unit. If you think you have it bad, remember that those psychiatric nurses have to deal with many BPDers for hours every work day.

*Second,* if you believe your W has strong BPD traits, I recommend you do not try to persuade her of that. If she is a BPDer, she almost certainly will project the accusation right back onto you, believing YOU to be the BPDer.
*
Third,* start participating (or at least lurking) at BPDfamily.com, which offers nine separate message boards on various BPD issues. The ones that likely will be most helpful are the Saving a Relationship board and the Improving a Relationship board. Keep in mind that, if nearly all members believe you should leave your W, they won't tell you a thing in those two message boards. If they do, their posts will be deleted by a moderator because that advice is off-topic to those boards. Hence, if you ever want candid advice at that forum on the pros and cons of divorcing a BPDer, you will have to start posting in in the "Conflicted" board.

*Fourth,* while you're at BPDfamily, I suggest you read their article, Dealing with Parental Alienation. If your W is a BPDer, you almost certainly will have to deal with PA even while you continue living with your W. Indeed, you already saw evidence of it when your W falsely told your two girls that you were cheating on her.

*Finally*, please don't forget those of us on this TAM forum. We want to keep trying to answer your questions and providing emotional support as long as you find our shared experiences helpful. Moreover, by sharing your own experiences here, you likely are helping numerous other members and lurkers.


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## westbank23 (Mar 8, 2013)

I would get some fake divorce papers and throw it at her and tell her go head sign them,I'm also done with your bull****...(just scare her)..the more you try to be nice to her the more she'll get out of line...once she sees that you don't care if about divorcing then she'll think about it and get her mind right 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


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## georgieporgie (Apr 15, 2018)

Uptown said:


> Moreover, by sharing your own experiences here, you likely are helping numerous other members and lurkers.


Thank you Uptown for your helpful and informative posts!


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