# Cultural difference in a marriage.



## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I was wondering if anyone married out of their culture? And what hardships did they have to get thru together because of that?

I am British, married to an Algerian. We both share the same religion. But we are both finding it so hard getting used to our differences. Wanted to hear other people's experiences.


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

Maybe not an answer to your question, but my wife got very religious (Christian) after we were married and I'm still quite a skeptic when it comes to a lot of the doctrine.

Hardships are minimal as long as I don't voice my opinion. Lol.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I was married to a man from a different culture. Not too many hardships, sure some different things but honestly I loved it as it opened my eyes to a whole new world, language, culture, travel. All things that I love.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

My husband and I are not the same race nor culture (I am Puerto Rican & he is black)...we haven't encountered many hardships. He goes along with things that I do that are part of my culture, he is easy going like that. He has learned a lot of Spanish due to being around me & my family, he is almost fluent.

What I find amusing is that my husband's family & friends will greet me by kissing me on the cheek (the way most latinos do). However, they don't greet each other by doing that - only me. I guess that's their way of trying to make me feel welcome in some sort of way. My husband says they are just racially profiling me since they have never done that with any of his other exes in the past. LOL!!!

I think it gets easier when you simply open yourself up. Don't be so rigid with your own culture & do some mixing & matching. That is what has worked for us.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

It hard to assume too many cultural differences from here and yet there are many. I am mixed but grew with primarily with the influence of my Hawaiian heritage. My wife who grew up in islands as well but with more influence from her Japanese background. 

So, no we have not experienced any problems at all given that I had many friends growing up who were from a more Japanese heritage and she in return had Hawaiian friends in school. Hawaiians are definitely more touchy feely and passionate (both a positive and negative) and Japanese culture more stoic, but never has that made such a divide as to suggest a major difference in our marriage. We are going on 20 years next month and still going strong.

I have a blog in the LTSiM forum


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

My father is algerian and my mother is british, yet i was born and raised in the uk and spent most of my life surrounded by british people who seem to be the opposite of algerians. 

Algerians generally believe in gender roles a lot, that seems to be my biggest issue. I am not a feminist and I never wanted a big career. I am happy being a housewife and my husband the provider. However his mother has babyed him so much. He leaves his clothes everywhere and expects me to baby him just like his mother did when I think that is wrong and refuse to do it. Algerians keep their houses spotless and clean everyday. When I complain, he looks shocked and confused and cant understand where I am coming from. I like my place to be clean but I dont mind a bit of mess. I think his mother has ocd and he wants me to be like that. For example, he wanted me to wash our entire quilt when I accidentely got a bit of eyeliner on. He says what else do you have to do? When I say I dont fancy doing chores all day. It offends me but it is normal to him. 
He is such a mothers boy and puts his family first just like algerians where I believe I should come first now. 

We also live with his parents for now and he doesnt have any dreams of moving out. He says he would like his own place but would like to build a place ontop of his parents' and I just cant get that. I loved moving out of my parents' house and being independant. 

Algerians dont really do "date night" and i plan on telling him about it tonight as now we are quite busy with him working and going to uni and me studying, we havent been out in two months and it is driving me crazy. He will think it is bizzare. 

He says I am too uptight and stubborn and just make life harder for myself and should just embrace this culture esp as I am living in his country with his family. I am trying to be patient and excited to take him back home for the first time and see what he thinks of all this new culture. 

I love some things about his culture but other things just honestly drive me crazy and he isnt very open to change as he doesnt feel he has to.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Cultural differences can work if both people are truly open to accommodating each other. That is really, really hard to do when you have a Western culture married to a traditional gender-role culture.

As you pointed out, his expectations of what your role is in the marriage is vastly different than yours, and if you two never had discussions about this sort of thing, he will be disappointed that you are not like the Algerian wives he expects. You will be disappointed in him that he is treating you in a way that you can't accept, and isn't automatically picking up after himself or doing household chores, and expects you to happily live with his parents as is custom.

I refused to marry someone of my ethnicity unless they were raised in the west for those exact reasons. It's hard to change people's beliefs if they've been raised with them their entire lives. It makes compromise difficult and everything turns into a negotiation.

Is your expectation to stay in Algeria? If so, then you will likely have to do a lot more compromising than him since, in his country, most others will share his expectations of what your role is. Meaning, his family and friends and everyone he knows will expect you to be more like an Algerian wife in Algeria. 

You won't have the same options available to you that you had in Britain. Is that ok with you? Did you consider that when you two married? If not, you two really need to come to an understanding and agreement about what you are both comfortable compromising on.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I agreed to all of this before I married him, but the past few days, I feel like I am regretting agreeing to all of this and that isnt my husbands problem. I don't want to blame him. I guess I didnt exactly know what it was going to be like and now that I have experienced it, I dont really like it. 

We do plan on spending next summer in England and then apply for a spouse settlement and basically explore our options. We both agreed that we would live there, if we could get our papers sorted. I like living in Algeria, my biggest problem is living with his parents. I am uncomfortable a lot and feel like his mother is doing all her chores after me as she wakes up early and cooks and cleans early and I dont get out of bed until nine, sometimes ten. So I feel guilty and awkard and try to fit in but I know I wont fit in totally. I would be so much happier if we could just move away and then fit in and accept eachothers differences. I am outnumbered living here with his parents. But before we got engaged he said he wanted to live with his parents and look after them when they got old. I agreed and thought it was sweet. But they arent old really, they are both in their early 60s and healthy and get on quite well on their own. I appreciate what they are doing for us as we certainly cant afford to rent and pay bills, but I feel kinda stuck and kinda wonder what was I thinking when I agreed to all that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, you have a major cultural difference. Flexibility is key. But it's primarily going to be on your part because you are living in his country and dealing with his culture. His family and friends won't be changing so you will have to get used to the new norm. Female independence is not prized in conservative cultures. And he will never put you above his parents so get used to living with them. 

Don't expect him to be impressed with life in the UK when you visit and perhaps suddenly have his eyes opened. Won't happen. He thinks his culture is the proper one --- not yours. 

The question is whether you can fully adapt to his culture and your place in it (not to mention bring up children in it) and be happy for the rest of your life.

ETA: I just saw your last post. When you discussed it before, it wasn't real. Now it is and that's a big difference.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm your typical white American male, my wife is hispanic but about as "American" as you can get. We're essentially the same culture, but being around members of her family from previous generations--I could see how cultural issues could be an issue if both people aren't commited to bending some.

My brother married an asian woman-born and raised in two different asian countries before immigrating to U.S. They struggle a lot. Some of that is straight-up personality clash, but a lot of it is also cultural.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Openminded said:


> Don't expect him to be impressed with life in the UK when you visit and perhaps suddenly have his eyes opened. Won't happen. He thinks his culture is the proper one --- not yours.


He actually said that to me after I asked him why he doesnt like breakfast in bed, or a meal curled up on the sofa (again more culture difference) and I said i cant wait to go to england you will see how we live. He was like my way will still be the correct way. 

I think I will kidnapp him and let him live there for a few decades like my father did and he will loose some of his Algerianness lol. (I wish)

I think I am feeling over miserable because I am PMSing and I am quite emotional. I will definitley give myself more time to adjust and see what life has planned for us.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

May I ask if you married him because


you thought that he was going to be like your dad?
you thought that you were in fact marrying into your "perceived" culture?
you thought that you and he were well matched?
your marriage was kind of arranged?

Or did you meet him quite independently of the fact that you are half Algerian and that it was a pure coincidence that you shared this root ?

By the way is he originally from Algeria or from France?

Do you speak his language (whatever that is: Berberi, Arabic, French)?

If all you have in common is the fact that your father is Algerian and that you are both Muslims, then you are going to have a tough time. The reason is that unlike a number of the examples being quoted here, there is little tolerance for other "cultures" in Algeria (heaven forbid you had been from a different religion). Kidnapping him and forcing him to live in the UK for an extended period might work


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Why don't you get up earlier (that's pretty late for an adult) and either get a job outside the home or pitch in and help her. You two might bond that way. You could simply tell her you feel like a bit of an outsider, the way you are outnumbered. She may take pity on you and make more of an effort to include you. 

Maybe you could cook one meal a week for everyone so they can enjoy more traditionally English fare. Or make scones to go with Chai and have tea.

Meals are best enjoyed at a table with conversation where you don't have to juggle plates and glasses and risk spills. Breakfast in bed - you mean crumbs in bed? I'm not a fan, either. It's more personal preference, I think. After all, I'm American.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

OP, please realize this fact, most of the developing world, which Algeria belongs to, does not have a very good retirement system. When parents get old, they expect their oldest son to take care of them. 

Whether you live in Algeria or in the UK, your husband is going to take care of his parents. Not doing so will mean that his parents may end up in poverty once their health declines.

Conflicts between mothers in law and daughters in law are notorious. There is no nursing home system where you can stick your elderly parents and forget about them.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Why don't you get up earlier (that's pretty late for an adult) and either get a job outside the home or pitch in and help her. You two might bond that way. You could simply tell her you feel like a bit of an outsider, the way you are outnumbered. She may take pity on you and make more of an effort to include you.
> 
> Maybe you could cook one meal a week for everyone so they can enjoy more traditionally English fare. Or make scones to go with Chai and have tea.


:iagree:

If your mother in law is in her 60's, and you are 18 as it says in your profile, she probably sees you as a child in a lot of ways. You both love her son, so you have that in common. Show her that you want to become part of this family, and start embracing your culture since you are there. If you want to feel at home, you have to make it your home. Get involved in this life you've chosen.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> May I ask if you married him because
> 
> 
> you thought that he was going to be like your dad?
> ...


Non of those quetions, except it kind of was arranged. We met independantly at a school he wa working at and I was looking for a job.

I speak arabic yes. We have lots of things in common and do things together. We are not married because we are both Muslims and are both living in Algeria. 

We do have the uk in our future, so maybe it would happen!


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Why don't you get up earlier (that's pretty late for an adult) and either get a job outside the home or pitch in and help her. You two might bond that way. You could simply tell her you feel like a bit of an outsider, the way you are outnumbered. She may take pity on you and make more of an effort to include you.
> 
> Maybe you could cook one meal a week for everyone so they can enjoy more traditionally English fare. Or make scones to go with Chai and have tea.
> 
> Meals are best enjoyed at a table with conversation where you don't have to juggle plates and glasses and risk spills. Breakfast in bed - you mean crumbs in bed? I'm not a fan, either. It's more personal preference, I think. After all, I'm American.


I do help out. We have fallen into a routine with chores which we have split up no matter what time we wake up. Neither me nor my mil are very talkative people so we have endless awkward silences.

I do cook my own dishes from back home, my mil doesnt really eat them nor does her husband, they kinda refuse change. So she cooks her own meals. Fair enough really. I dont expect them to change.

I dont have my meals in bed. Never have since I got married. I would be too embarrassed. But I dont see whats wrong with curling up on the sofa with a bowl of soup before or after meal times and watch some tv in the living room. My husband laughs at me and says I look depressed or look like I have some abandonement issues. No offence to mental illness. I just tell him he's an idiot. 

But it is culture here, many british people dont eat in bed, really either. But breakfast in bed on your honeymoon does sound quite nice to me. 

I dont think 9am is early? She wakes up at 6, that is way too early. I couldnt do that. They also all nap for a few hours in the day. I dont and rarely ever nap. I stay up and bake something for them to have their coffee with when they wake up, so that is all pretty fair to me. 
My husband doesnt really want me to work. I dont want to work either as I study and take private lessons, so I am not just sitting around all day doing nothing.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Duguesclin said:


> OP, please realize this fact, most of the developing world, which Algeria belongs to, does not have a very good retirement system. When parents get old, they expect their oldest son to take care of them.
> 
> Whether you live in Algeria or in the UK, your husband is going to take care of his parents. Not doing so will mean that his parents may end up in poverty once their health declines.
> 
> Conflicts between mothers in law and daughters in law are notorious. There is no nursing home system where you can stick your elderly parents and forget about them.


My husband is the youngest of two brothers and three sisters and only has one younger sister. 
My parents in law have good retirement compared to others. They are well off. Their retirement is more than my husband earns. So really, they are doing us a favor. Dont get me wrong, I am grateful for that. One of her sons lives next door. Her other son lives behind us. Our houses are joined together so they are all constantly here. Her eldest daughter lives next door too. Her second eldest around five minutes away. Its not like they are alone. I will take care of his parents when they get older and not able to look after themselves just as I did his uncle who passed away in August and lived with us. 

What I am saying is, she has other daughters in law, daughters, sons practically living with her. They would do fine if we moved out. 

We have never had an argument or a fight. I am very respectful and realise I am as old as her first grandchild and I am like a kid in her eyes. I listen to her when she talks me through every little and big thing regardless of how annoying it can be. I do as much as I can for her. Just like when my mother is old, I would want her daughters in law to treat her the same way.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

norajane said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If your mother in law is in her 60's, and you are 18 as it says in your profile, she probably sees you as a child in a lot of ways. You both love her son, so you have that in common. Show her that you want to become part of this family, and start embracing your culture since you are there. If you want to feel at home, you have to make it your home. Get involved in this life you've chosen.


My mother in law is 60 and I am 18. I do realise that I am the same age as her eldest grandchild. So I am a child in her eyes. I have nothing against her. 
We split chores and have fallen into a routine. I respect her and I am always respectful and polite when I am talking to her. I ask her before doing things in her home. Because it is her house and has been for over 40 years. I have changed a lot since living with them. But I am finding it a little hard to embrace everything. I am trying though.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> I agreed to all of this before I married him, but the past few days, I feel like I am regretting agreeing to all of this and that isnt my husbands problem. I don't want to blame him. I guess I didnt exactly know what it was going to be like and now that I have experienced it, I dont really like it.
> 
> We do plan on spending next summer in England and then apply for a spouse settlement and basically explore our options. We both agreed that we would live there, if we could get our papers sorted. I like living in Algeria, my biggest problem is living with his parents. I am uncomfortable a lot and feel like his mother is doing all her chores after me as she wakes up early and cooks and cleans early and I dont get out of bed until nine, sometimes ten. So I feel guilty and awkard and try to fit in but I know I wont fit in totally. I would be so much happier if we could just move away and then fit in and accept eachothers differences. I am outnumbered living here with his parents. But before we got engaged he said he wanted to live with his parents and look after them when they got old. I agreed and thought it was sweet. But they arent old really, they are both in their early 60s and healthy and get on quite well on their own. I appreciate what they are doing for us as we certainly cant afford to rent and pay bills, but I feel kinda stuck and kinda wonder what was I thinking when I agreed to all that.


For you and your H to truly come together you will need to find a home of your own. Your H will never really cut the apron string. Momma will always be looking out for her son. You will not measure up to your H mom standards. My mom was the same way. 

It is up to you and your H to work towards a place of your own. 

As far as cultures, even people brought up in the similar environments have differences. Traditions, holiday celebrations, etc. Each learn to accommodate the other eventually. It takes some work. Most of all communicate or the problems will not get resolved.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> For you and your H to truly come together you will need to find a home of your own. Your H will never really cut the apron string. Momma will always be looking out for her son. You will not measure up to your H mom standards. My mom was the same way.
> 
> It is up to you and your H to work towards a place of your own.
> 
> As far as cultures, even people brought up in the similar environments have differences. Traditions, holiday celebrations, etc. Each learn to accommodate the other eventually. It takes some work. Most of all communicate or the problems will not get resolved.


THANK YOU!! Finally someone sounds like they get it. I agree. I think that that is what we need. I feel like no matter how hard I try to please him, I will never be the perfect woman his mother is. And honestly, I dont want to be like his mother! I am happy with who I am. And as long as we live her her, he wont stop seeing all my faults and everything I am doing wrong in his eyes because his mother does it a specific way. 

We might stay in the uk and apply for a house if we get some improvement in sorting out his papers so I am really hoping it will work out and he can see what it is like to live independantly away from your parents and truly start to build your own life.

His older brother lived with parents for ten years after he got married. Add two kids sharing the same room as their parents bc the house isnt theirs and they only got one room yet he still would rather live there then rent a house! And this is the norm in Algeria. 

In the west, men who live with their parents are seen as loosers.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> THANK YOU!! Finally someone sounds like they get it. I agree. I think that that is what we need. I feel like no matter how hard I try to please him, I will never be the perfect woman his mother is. And honestly, I dont want to be like his mother! I am happy with who I am. And as long as we live her her, he wont stop seeing all my faults and everything I am doing wrong in his eyes because his mother does it a specific way.
> 
> We might stay in the uk and apply for a house if we get some improvement in sorting out his papers so I am really hoping it will work out and he can see what it is like to live independantly away from your parents and truly start to build your own life.
> 
> ...


I found in my marriage that I would sometimes decide to choice my mom's happiness over my W. It created problems. It took me time to cut that string. But, at the end of the day and the next morning it was my W sleeping next to me. She is the one I needed to please and chose over all others. 

I tell ya, there is now way in heck I could have lived with my parents or my W parents after we married. I would have gone stir crazy. 

As far as rolls, my W is a SAHM. It does not mean I dump my crap on the floor when I get home. It does not mean I don't help around the house. After all, my W is not my mommy who picks up after me. If she cooks the meal. I clean it up. That simple. The catering crap was over when I left at age 18 for college. Your H needs to come to grips with that.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> I found in my marriage that I would sometimes decide to choice my mom's happiness over my W. It created problems. It took me time to cut that string. But, at the end of the day and the next morning it was my W sleeping next to me. She is the one I needed to please and chose over all others.
> 
> I tell ya, there is now way in heck I could have lived with my parents or my W parents after we married. I would have gone stir crazy.
> 
> As far as rolls, my W is a SAHM. It does not mean I dump my crap on the floor when I get home. It does not mean I don't help around the house. After all, my W is not my mommy who picks up after me. If she cooks the meal. I clean it up. That simple. The catering crap was over when I left at age 18 for college. Your H needs to come to grips with that.


I'm quite jealous of your wife. I hope my H comes to the same conclusion you did. 

Here, men always get babied. They live with their mommy until they get married and then their W will baby them. 
Dont get me wrong, my H works hard for me and I love spoiling him and taking care of him. But there are limits, and when I leave something out for him to do, his mother does it for him. She cant stop babying her son. And I cant force her. I dont have a chance really, until we do move out, which I am hoping is soon.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> I'm quite jealous of your wife. I hope my H comes to the same conclusion you did.
> 
> Here, men always get babied. They live with their mommy until they get married and then their W will baby them.
> Dont get me wrong, my H works hard for me and I love spoiling him and taking care of him. But there are limits, and when I leave something out for him to do, his mother does it for him. She cant stop babying her son. And I cant force her. I dont have a chance really, until we do move out, which I am hoping is soon.


Absolutely there is a limit. Specifically if there is no reciprocation. To drive the point home on needing your own home...your H mom completes whatever it is you ask him to do as you stated.

It is awfully difficult to become one with your spouse when there is another in the house. Or in your case that is a bit worse...your MIL house.  

Take a deep breath, keep a smile and quietly work on moving to a home of your own very soon.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I married as close to my culture as I possibly could have. I am biracial (Finnish and Jamaican). My spouse is biracial, (Irish and Jamaican). We both grew up Christians of some sort. We're both 1st generation Canadian in our families. 

Despite that, there were huge cultural difference between us! We were raised differently. Him in the city - me in the country. Him with his dad (Jamaican) being the largest influence in his life. Me with my mom (Finnish) being the largest influence in mine. I grew up listening to country and rock and roll for the most part. Him soul, motown, reggae, hip hop and R&B. I attended Finnish Christmas pageants and took Finnish language courses in school. He hung out with his boys speaking crude patois slang. He ate Jamaican foods like saltfish, patties and Jerk Chicken. I grew up eating casseroles that you would be hard pressed to pronounce (porkkanalaatikko anyone?) I rode horses, he rode the subway. The list is endless.

However none of that matters in the grand scheme of things. I spent my formative (early childhood years) being exposed to one side of my heritage. I spent the last of them and early adulthood learning about and being exposed to the other side because of him. I love and embrace both and he encourages that in me. 

Although racially/culturally in many ways we're the same, there were still a lot of differences there. So I think for others it can work but both must be open to those differences as well as what makes you the same. Also, so long as core values are the same (as they tend to be in my relationship) then it doesn't matter much where people come from or what colour they are. 

I think my inlaws are testament to that. They don't have a perfect marriage but they love each other despite their rocky times. One from Ireland, one from Jamaica and over 40 years between them.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Miss Taken said:


> I married as close to my culture as I possibly could have. I am biracial (Finnish and Jamaican). My spouse is biracial, (Irish and Jamaican). We both grew up Christians of some sort. We're both 1st generation Canadian in our families.
> 
> Despite that, there were huge cultural difference between us! We were raised differently. Him in the city - me in the country. Him with his dad (Jamaican) being the largest influence in his life. Me with my mom (Finnish) being the largest influence in mine. I grew up listening to country and rock and roll for the most part. Him soul, motown, reggae, hip hop and R&B. I attended Finnish Christmas pageants and took Finnish language courses in school. He hung out with his boys speaking crude patois slang. He ate Jamaican foods like saltfish, patties and Jerk Chicken. I grew up eating casseroles that you would be hard pressed to pronounce (porkkanalaatikko anyone?) I rode horses, he rode the subway. The list is endless.
> 
> ...


There is a saying opposites attract. Could be true! 

My wife and I are both brought up in Christian homes. Beyond that we are polar opposites. However, each compliments each other and it works.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

I am Lebanese , my wife is Lebanese ; 

I wish she was barbarian ,

it would have been easier to communicate .


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Zouz said:


> I am Lebanese , my wife is Lebanese ;
> 
> I wish she was barbarian ,
> 
> it would have been easier to communicate .


OMG!!! LMAO!!! :lol::rofl:


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Zouz said:


> I am Lebanese , my wife is Lebanese ;
> 
> I wish she was barbarian ,
> 
> it would have been easier to communicate .


I know the problem well. Also depends what kind of Lebanese you are and she is: Maarooni, Druz, etc etc


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

all are same lebanese blended .


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

manfromlamancha said:


> I know the problem well. Also depends what kind of Lebanese you are and she is: Maarooni, Druz, etc etc


I didn't think Druze married non-Druze?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I do like your bologna zous


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Zouz said:


> I am Lebanese , my wife is Lebanese ;
> 
> I wish she was barbarian ,
> 
> it would have been easier to communicate .


It's all Lebanese to me. :scratchhead:


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> I didn't think Druze married non-Druze?


Normally no, but the course of true love can move mountains (especially Lebanese cedar-filled mountains) 

Besides the way to man's heart is through his stomach, and Lebanese cuisine has got to rank right up there with the best


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You are only 18! Wow! 


How old is your husband ?

How long did you know him before you (and he) decided you wanted to marry ?

And did the fact that he was Algerian have anything to do with your decision ? Would you have considered marrying a Brit or any other European for that matter ?

Was religion an important factor in your decision ?


The answers to these questions will say a lot about whether you two are able to work through your differences in opinions, wanted lifestyles etc in a mature manner. Males mature later than females generally. On the other hand males also get set in their ways. So too young and he may not be mature enough to understand your point of view and work with you. Too old and he is too set in his ways to change.

Also not that I am saying it is the case, but if you married for (what I believe would be) the "wrong" reasons, then while it is OK in the early years, it comes back to bite you later in your married life when you are older and wiser.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Hmm... my ex-wife's bigoted comments against my father's cultural/ethnic background was the straw that broke the camels' back in my first marriage.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Bigotry is of course, not good. However, questions designed to clarify whether the OP knew what she was signing up to is different.

I was actually born in the middle east (I am not a Middle Easterner though) and can state with some confidence that there is always trouble when someone born in Western Europe (no matter what their cultural background) marries someone from the Middle East if they do not clearly understand some of the pitfalls.

There are (were) over 300 tribes in Algeria alone and differences in those tribes were problematic enough for intertribal marriages. It took the country three major attempts (wars) to try and finally unite the tribes to free them from French occupation. So of course there are going to be cultural differences between the OP and her husband.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> You are only 18! Wow!
> 
> 
> How old is your husband ?
> ...


My husband is in his late 20s. 
We were engaged for a year and a half, knew eachother for maybe six months before that. I never thought of myself as the marry young type, but soon after I met him, it changed. And he was looking for something serious to begin with. 
I actually always said I would never marry an Algerian. I think a Brit would have suited me better. Again, I met him and wanted only him.
Religion was important to me. I dont think I would marry someone with a different religion.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

zouz said:


> i am lebanese , my wife is lebanese ;
> 
> i wish she was barbarian ,
> 
> it would have been easier to communicate .


lmao!


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> Bigotry is of course, not good. However, questions designed to clarify whether the OP knew what she was signing up to is different.
> 
> I was actually born in the middle east (I am not a Middle Easterner though) and can state with some confidence that there is always trouble when someone born in Western Europe (no matter what their cultural background) marries someone from the Middle East if they do not clearly understand some of the pitfalls.
> 
> There are (were) over 300 tribes in Algeria alone and differences in those tribes were problematic enough for intertribal marriages. * It took the country three major attempts (wars) to try and finally unite the tribes to free them from French occupation. So of course there are going to be cultural differences between the OP and her husband*.


amen!


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