# Teenagers and Visitation



## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

My 17 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter usually stay with their mother. However, according to the Parenting Agreement, they are to stay with me every Wednesday and every other weekend. I am paying child support on my son (Junior in H.S.), until he graduates and daughter, who'll graduate this May.

Neither my son or daughter want to abide by the parenting plan. I have a good relationship with both, but they never want to stay with me at the same time, because I live in a smaller house than their mom and they don't get along half the time. My son may stay with me 1-2 nights/week and daughter may stay with me 1 night/week every 2 weeks or so. She's a mothers girl and likes to stay close to her mom... 

The bottom line is, they feel because of their ages, that they should be able to decide if and when to stay with me and their mom, without abiding by the Plan. My son stayed with me alot last summer and may do the same this summer as well...

Do any of you have teenagers and experience some of the same issues OR should I just put my foot down (as long as I'm paying child support), and make them abide by the parenting plan? I want them to feel independent and make their own choices to a large degree.

Any thoughts or experiences, regarding this issue?


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## amymc01 (Oct 6, 2009)

If you try to force them, you'll lose them. You are paying child support for their support - not b/c of how often they see you. Your money supports them, it is not a bargaining tool.

By the way, please think about ending the child support when they leave school. Do you think that they won't need your support just b/c they are no longer in school? Aren't they still living under their mom's roof, eating her food, using her utilities. They are just as much in need of child support after they graduate, unless, of course, they are full time students at a university and you are footing 1/2 the bill for all those expenses.

Just my 2 cents.............


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

I agree with what you're saying about the child support. In fact, I agreed to pay the same amount in child support, that I am now, for 1 1/2 years beyond my youngest son's graduation in 2011. 

My Exwife is coming out well. She gets the house and ALL it's contents + she's debt free. She also gets child support + alimony and a hefty business settlement.

I will continue paying everything else for our kids; health insurance, car insurance, their weekly allowance + college.

I wanted to ensure everyone was well taken care of.

Thanks for the input.


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

I think you let them do as they like, while still ensuring that they spend adequate time with each of you. (which is sounds like they do). The more you try to force, the more they are likely to rebel.

It sounds like its more your daughter that you are concerned about since your son appears to spend more time with you than the plan dictates.

When I was growing up, my mother was awarded sole custody. I'm not sure what the visitation agreement was from the court. However, she worked out apart from the courts that I would spend a week with her, then a week with my dad. This worked out well, but when I got older and wanted to spend either more or less time with either of them (frankly mostly my father I wanted less time with at that point in time) they both accepted it. It helped me to respect them both.


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