# Dont have the balls to end it even though I know we dont belong together



## onelive1 (May 22, 2020)

Hey guys,
For all those who have separated or been close to separating how do you guys do it man ? Especially when you been living together for 5+ years ? have giving up half a decade to someone who thought you would have kids but no longer see her as a mom to tell you the truth. She has potential but her being an alpha female we bump heads a lot which causes my bad side to come out as I am an alpha male too. 

I think the problem that drove us to a toxic relationship is following

Her
-She is an alpha female
-She has always been independent
-She has always done what she wants in a way, her mom raised her after she was 11 or so

Me
-old school dad
-guys dont cry or show feelings
-Never let a girl tell you what to do (gets me mad)
-Alpha male
-if she doesnt do what i want I get mad and so does she


Long story short I we were young we were 25 when we started dating, immature 1st relationship that I live with someone. One thing let into another, we were very interested in each other at beginning but down the road I think each one of us being immature. (She did used to live with someone already) drove our relationship to a ****ty place. Maybe 2 out of the 10 dates we have are good and the rest end up in arguments 3 years back now just disagreements as I have matured and last thing I want is to argue and end up drained from this.


We know our relationship will be very very hard, I dont even think we will even be happy anymore we are just so deep into this bad relationship.
My question is: I am confused and really dont know what to do, I rarely talk to anyone anymore because all they due is use this against you or i have being the person that goes around telling people showing their vulnerable side then next thing you know we are still together.

-I dont have the balls to walk away even though we are ready to do so and she told me she is now
-I am a bit scared of letting go and missing out on a "future wife" knowing I dont realy see us being together
-I hate the fact of walking away and people knowing I failed or even myself knowing I failed at a relationship
-I am scared of not finding someone tomorrow who will be the person i want her to be
-I am confused yo this is not a good feeling


I dont have close friends to talk to about this, only people I know. 
I dont like telling parents these things because they kind of stuck it out together because of necessity
Siblings they are too young to talk to about this plus I dont want them to hold a grudge towards her as we hold grudges.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Assuming that she wants children and you are both now in your 30's, you need to enable to her to be free to meet another man with whom she can have hopefully have children. The longer you both leave it the less chance she will have. 
You may or may not meet somone you want to marry, there are no guarantees, but staying just because you fear not meeting anyone else is an awful decision.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

I met my ex when we were 24. We are now 62. We separated and then divorced recently. Do you want to be separated and divorced when you are 62? Probably not. Walk away and find a mate you click with.


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## onelive1 (May 22, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Assuming that she wants children and you are both now in your 30's, you need to enable to her to be free to meet another man with whom she can have hopefully have children. The longer you both leave it the less chance she will have.
> You may or may not meet somone you want to marry, there are no guarantees, but staying just because you fear not meeting anyone else is an awful decision.



She says she doesnt anymore but she does say she is getting old yes 30's and sounds fair.


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## onelive1 (May 22, 2020)

gold5932 said:


> I met my ex when we were 24. We are now 62. We separated and then divorced recently. Do you want to be separated and divorced when you are 62? Probably not. Walk away and find a mate you click with.


 If only it was that easy but I know i need too


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, it isn’t ever easy. I was married for decades and I knew I had to get out but I kept putting it off. Year after year after year slipped by and I was still there justifying why I stayed. You can do that too or you can get out. Believe me, the pain of getting out will be less than the pain of staying and when you’re finally out you’ll wonder how, and why, you stayed so long.


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

Your 4th point does not add up. You’re not Alpha. 
Ending, is it easy? actually it was for me. Was married for 8 years (12 years total. No kids). Hopped in a car drove 4K miles away. Simple. Best decision of my life.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Dude we read it all in your other thread. Break it off already. You will be back here crying in your spilled milk before one years time if you don’t. Even worse yet you can come back in ten years when you are miserably married and tell us how you still don’t have the sack to dump her. You just as well tie yourself to a post and let her whip you

PS: Your not alpha... not even close


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So does "alpha male" and "don't let a girl tell you what to do" mean she can't have a conflicting opinion and everything has to be your way?

Just asking. It may still be best if you part ways but if this is your attitude it will not serve you well with anyone.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> So does "alpha male" and "don't let a girl tell you what to do" mean she can't have a conflicting opinion and everything has to be your way?
> 
> Just asking. It may still be best if you part ways but if this is your attitude it will not serve you well with anyone.


I get how it may have sounded like that. For clarity I mean not having the fortitude within ones self to do the right thing. If he can’t stand up for his own good then he is her whipping batch.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Mr.Married said:


> I get how it may have sounded like that. For clarity I mean not having the fortitude within ones self to do the right thing. If he can’t stand up for his own good then he is her whipping batch.


Of course. I was just hoping he'd clarify that just in case.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@onelive1,

It sounds to me that the reason you are afraid to end it is actually because you don't have life outside of your relationship with her. You are afraid of the void you would suddenly find yourself in.

My suggestion is that you get a life. Go out, meet people, make friends, find things to do that interest you.


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## onelive1 (May 22, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> @onelive1,
> 
> It sounds to me that the reason you are afraid to end it is actually because you don't have life outside of your relationship with her. You are afraid of the void you would suddenly find yourself in.
> 
> My suggestion is that you get a life. Go out, meet people, make friends, find things to do that interest you.


Yes started contacting old friends, hard to talk to them about this though but for sure started contacting them to hang out and catch some beers


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

onelive1 said:


> Yes started contacting old friends, hard to talk to them about this though but for sure started contacting them to hang out and catch some beers


While it's important to have at least one or two people who you can talk to, it's just as important to build a life that you can move into. 

One thing that might help is to check out the site meetup.com and look for things going on in your area. It's a way to get involved in things that you would enjoy doing and to meet new people.


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## examp (Aug 6, 2020)

I havent read everything but you dont seem to tell us what her idea about splitting up is. It must be just as bad for her as for you.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

onelive1 said:


> My question is: I am confused and really dont know what to do
> 
> -I dont have the balls to walk away even though we are ready to do so and she told me she is now
> -I am a bit scared of letting go and missing out on a "future wife" knowing I dont realy see us being together
> ...


None of these are alpha male traits.
At all.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

There comes a time in life when one has to draw the line in the sand.
My approach would be to sit down with a pad of paper and a pencil and draw up two scenarios: one with her, and one without her.
Sit her down and present both scenarios. Either you stay together and work on the relationship together and do it right (counseling and the whole 12 yards) or carve up the marriage and go your separate ways. Describe what both the options look like, and get it out on the table. You can present your preference, but tell her that the ball is in her court.
If she decides to work on the marriage, set up the infrastructure for joint accountability. Enforce those guidelines.
Marriage is compromise and hard work, and it takes two to be successful.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

What specifically do you like about her? And I don’t mean outside things, I mean who she is at the core... what do you like about it?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Correct me if I’m wrong... it seems like you already KNOW she’s not the one, it’s just fear standing in your way? 

I think when you can honestly answer the above question, you know what you have to do.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@onelive1 You are living in fear. You are frightened of divorce, you are frightened of your wife having an opinion of her own.

That's not sounding very Alpha to me.

I think you need individual counselling to help dissipate your fears.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Look, she is who she is. Apparently you used to like that. She's independent, which is a great way to be, and now you're wishing she wasn't and would just do it your way, which is never going to happen. It's true that she might be too independent to even want to work on a marriage, and that's fine, but it's clear you need to learn to be able to accept that women have their own minds and one that is used to doing everything herself isn't about to just suddenly acquiesce to your demands. It shouldn't be making you mad if she tells you what to do, but the thing is she shouldn't HAVE to tell you what to do. Anyway, this isn't working for either of you, so bail out and don't waste your life on it.


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