# Got a text STBXH - Getting me down



## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

Received a text this afternoon from my STBXH saying that he just wanted to keep me in the loop and let me know he finally scheduled my stepdaughter to see a new counselor on Saturday.

I didnt respond, honestly because I didnt even know what to respond. So he followed that up with another text telling me that he is finally signing the divorce papers, mailing them to me, and now its in my hands.

Then, one more text saying - May not seem like it, but Im a survivor, thnx.

I am trying SOOOO hard to stay strong. But Im feeling really sad. I've spent the night replaying everything he has ever put me through in my head. Trying to keep reminding myself why we just can not be together any longer. 

Feeling really crappy right now!


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Sorry to hear this. Do you want to stay in the marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

You gotta stay strong!! His daughter needs counseling, so that's a very good start if that's what is happening. But at this point, he should be doing this because she needs it, not because he wants to get back with you. He's starting to do all the things you've asked of him while you were in the relationship. That leads me to believe, he's telling you this stuff to pacify you in hopes that you will fall for it. 

He has a lot to work on, himself and to help his daughter. You have a lot to work on as well... If he get's clean, if his daughter straighten's up her act, great!! But that takes time and it hasn't been near enough. 

Stay strong, stick to your own recovery from this toxic relationship. There's still plenty of time in the world to make it work when the air is cleared up, if that's what the two of you eventually decide to do.


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## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

par4 said:


> Sorry to hear this. Do you want to stay in the marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


par4 - If you read my previous post (Advice PLEASE) you will see that staying in this marriage is not an option for me any longer. I love husband, I really do, but there are issues that run so deep, and follow thru is not very likely to happen.

Thanks for the support!


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Philly, i am not sure how to find the other post. I would agree in general that some times there are so many issues that it may just be better to move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

Cherry said:


> You gotta stay strong!! His daughter needs counseling, so that's a very good start if that's what is happening. But at this point, he should be doing this because she needs it, not because he wants to get back with you. He's starting to do all the things you've asked of him while you were in the relationship. That leads me to believe, he's telling you this stuff to pacify you in hopes that you will fall for it.
> 
> He has a lot to work on, himself and to help his daughter. You have a lot to work on as well... If he get's clean, if his daughter straighten's up her act, great!! But that takes time and it hasn't been near enough.
> 
> Stay strong, stick to your own recovery from this toxic relationship. There's still plenty of time in the world to make it work when the air is cleared up, if that's what the two of you eventually decide to do.


Hi Cherry! I know, I know, :-(

This has been the pattern for the last 3 months. Everytime he feels like Im really done, he comes back "letting me know" that he is taking care of business. I, of course, cave, and the next thing you know, the appointments never seem to actualize. Theres always acancellation, a rescheduling, a voicemail left, something, but no actual appointment. Then I get frustrated AGAIN, then he gets mad at my frustration AGAIN, tells me to go to hell, changes his phone number AGAIN, and two weeks later - we start back at the beginning.
:scratchhead:

As for his daughter, I have been trying for 5 years (since I met her when she was 3yrs old) to try to get her into "serious" counseling. The fact that he has an appointment with a new counselor (THE THIRD ONE NOW) really doesnt mean much to me. 

I know anyone who does not know the background here, will think that I am a very mean cold person by saying this. But the reality is, the last two counselors have "fired" us because he as her dad, and the base of the problems, will not get himself the help HE NEEDS, therefore, they always tell us the same things as they send us on our way - UNTIL HE GETS THE HELP HE NEEDS AND GETS HER AWAY FROM HIS TOXIC MOM, NO AMOUNT OF COUNSELING CAN HELP HER. UNTIL HE IS READY TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE SUGGESTIONS ON DISCIPLINE THAT THEY OFFER, NOTHING WILL HELP. UNTIL HE FINALLY TELLS HER THAT HER BEHAVIOR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, SHE WILL NEVER TAKE HIM SERIOUS.

Yes, its a good start to get her into counseling again, but my PRIMARY request was that HE gets himself into REAL counseling and works out the issues he has. The drugs, the alcohol, the insecurity, the chaos, the fear of his mom and how everything we did was based on whether she would be pissed off or not.

And as you said, I am in my own counseling, I have my own issues I need to concentrate on. And everytime, I go back, my needs get pushed to the backburner because this relationship is so demanding of my time, energy and effort. In the end, I wind up burning myself out and fill myself up with soooo much resentment because of it. 

I am staying strong even though I want to cave soooo bad! I want to lay my head on his lap while he plays with my hair until I fall asleep, I want to watch the season finale of our favorite show together Sunday, I want to wake up to find myself wrapped in his arms - BUT - what I want EVEN MORE is PEACE. I want to be free of all this stress, I want to feel healthy again INSIDE, I want to smile all the time again, I want to see my daughter smile all the time again, I want to go back to doing things and going places all the time with my daughter without anxiety of how it will turn out.

Sometimes it is so hard to do whats right in life. But in the end, its the only healthy option I have.

Thanks so much for keeping up with me and being a very good voice of reason. It helps more than you could know!


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Get out leave this relationship-Give him the cold response no contact. Im sure you really care for his daughter but the people involved here need to work on THEM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

par4 said:


> Get out leave this relationship-Give him the cold response no contact. Im sure you really care for his daughter but the people involved here need to work on THEM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know, its what I have to do. I think its time to pay the $7 a month to allow my phone to block calls. (even though everytime he changes his number he'll be able to call again)


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

Philly - So sorry you're going through this. The heartbreak gets better, I promise. You probably already know that though. And the promises are empty, as you know, to try and get you back. Sounds like you're done this time which is sad, but such a relief at the same time. 

Are you able to change your number? That might be a better idea?


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## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

OliveAdventure said:


> Philly - So sorry you're going through this. The heartbreak gets better, I promise. You probably already know that though. And the promises are empty, as you know, to try and get you back. Sounds like you're done this time which is sad, but such a relief at the same time.
> 
> Are you able to change your number? That might be a better idea?


Thanks Olive.

I could have my number changed, but wont. I've had the same number since 2002. My daughter has it memorized and its the contact number everyone has for me. I just need to be strong and not respond to him. 

And yes, its sad, but def a relief too.


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