# Looking for advice from married men..



## steongczak (Jun 12, 2014)

Hello, thank you for coming. I'm new to marriage.. in fact I'm only 18 years old. I've been married for 6 months now with my wife who I married after high school. We dated for 2 years before getting married, although, the marriage was somewhat rushed because she joined the air force. I'm happy with her and I enjoy my life but we have a recurring problem and I'm not sure what to think of it or if I need to change or -- loss for words.

Anyways that was just some background information. The problem is that my wife seems to always want sex, and I'm usually not that interested. I've always thought it was the other way around but for us, it's me who doesn't feel interested. She wants to have sex daily and I'm only feeling like maybe once every few days or even once a week if it all possible..

I'm not sure if I have a problem or if it's because I married someone I shouldn't have.. I do love her but not wanting to have sex and hearing her beg makes me feel like I must have married the wrong person for me.

Is it because I'm young and that I am still too excited about females? I've always remembered seeing my father 'check-out' other women at restaurants and other places so I thought it was somewhat normal to be physically attracted to other women so long as I don't hit on them or try to get it in with them or whatever.

I masturbate once a day or so usually while looking at women on the internet.. (my wife doesn't know) are there any married men out there who have a successful marriage where it's not a problem to do so? Am I doing something wrong? Should I only have sex with my wife? I just don't feel like it but when I'm aroused online I just kind of take a journey through the internet until I climax.

Am I doing that because I'm 'bored'? I don't really know.. Is it healthy for me to keep doing what I'm doing or should I stop for the sake of my marriage? Am I supposed to have sex as often as my wife wants or am I being disrespected? Or is it my fault for masturbating?

I always thought that when men wanted to have sex with their wife, if the wife said no (which I thought happens often) then the man just has to be patient for another time in order to avoid disrespecting her personal feelings.

I feel a little embarrassed sharing these details but I feel they are important if I'm going to get helpful advice.. Sorry for the long post... I'm just really looking for some god-send here. God bless you all and thank you for the help.


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## steongczak (Jun 12, 2014)

some information to add which may or may not have an impact:

She walks around the house in just a bra and panties usually, if I made her wear more clothes would that help? Is she showing me too much way too often?

Also, I don't work out at the gym really. I do push-ups and sit-ups at home usually but that's all. Do I not have enough testosterone? Is that why I'm not sexually active with her often?
I'm healthy to clarify, just not very muscular, quite thin >.<

Again I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my thread and offer their advice. Thanks~


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Do you have a job? Or are you a house husband? Following her into the Air Force is kind of unusual for a man and makes me wonder about you. You need a life, to make your way. If you're being taken care of, it's going to be hard to mature. 

Also, regarding the porn, you need to drop it cold turkey. Just stop. You're using your sexual energy in the wrong place.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

steongczak said:


> Hello, thank you for coming. I'm new to marriage.. in fact I'm only 18 years old. I've been married for 6 months now with my wife who I married after high school. We dated for 2 years before getting married, although, the marriage was somewhat rushed because she joined the air force. I'm happy with her and I enjoy my life but we have a recurring problem and I'm not sure what to think of it or if I need to change or -- loss for words.
> 
> Anyways that was just some background information. The problem is that my wife seems to always want sex, and I'm usually not that interested. I've always thought it was the other way around but for us, it's me who doesn't feel interested. She wants to have sex daily and I'm only feeling like maybe once every few days or even once a week if it all possible..
> 
> ...


When I was 18 I could have sex a half dozen times a day ... everyday.

Stop using porn and go bang that wife of yours .... or realize that you are too young and not compatible and end the marriage before she gets pregnant.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

steongczak said:


> some information to add which may or may not have an impact:
> 
> She walks around the house in just a bra and panties usually, if I made her wear more clothes would that help? Is she showing me too much way too often?
> 
> ...


This is hard to take for real, BUT get a freaking job and start lifting heavy.

No do not have her put more clothes on. Start thinking about taking those clothes off and having sex with her. Oh yeah. Get a job and workout.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

To add my $...first thing...STOP wanking! If you can wank on a daily basis you can have sex/make love to your wife every day. Its 100x better. Also thank your lucky stars you have a wife who wants you so often!

You are both still very young. You need to work on your own identity to compliment that of your wife.

I know things are tough out there...have some pride man...get a job or atleast be serious about looking for one. Your wife is in the airforce....she's already streets ahead of you.

Good luck.


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

You're still pretty young. Keep your head about you and don't be afraid to look outside of yourself (as you have done by posting here). Keep lines of communication open and don't shut out your wife's needs. Talk, compromise, and don't ignore what your partner is saying. 

It will be an issue going forward if she wants sex every day and you want it weekly, and at its best, sex isn't something you schedule or ration out. Wasting your energy elsewhere is not the greatest idea. Stop browsing porn, connect with your wife, and have your fun with her instead. Walking around, barely dressed, coming onto you... She seems to be screaming: "Pay attention to me! Have sex with me!"

You don't have to fully understand her needs, but you must listen, and you must try. You're both young, and only a few months in, so if this is your first test... then man up and take charge. If you're already looking for an escape, then you're following the wrong behavior path. Work with her. Solve the issue. You'll need to do a lot of that going forward.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I am not a married man but I am a married woman and I can tell you that constant rejection will kill the marriage stone dead. She will start feeling bad about herself and resenting you for making her feel that way. The bad feelings will spill over into every aspect of the relationship and poison it. It can happen very slowly and insidiously without you realising and I would not be surprised if the rot has already started to set in.

Why do you not want to have sex with your wife while you do want to look at porn on the internet and get yourself off?

Do you not find her attractive?

Is she bad at sex?

Are you bad at sex?

Do NOT have children unless and until you can get these issues resolved. If you have a genuinely low sex drive and she has a high one then get a divorce so each of you can find someone you are more compatible with.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your marraige cannot survive this.
It's too easy for a woman to find a willing sexual partner, thus she will cheat on you in time. If you can't find a way to meet her needs, or just don't want to, you should proactively divorce. Getting married at 18 is a horrendous idea anway, and the divorce rate is sky high.... I second the NO KIDS please...


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I am going against the crowd and say get off when you want to and yes I look at porn all the time and have a lot of sex with my wife.Its also 2014 and there are plenty of guys that stay home and do the house stuff now days and they couple is happy with the way it is,so to each their own.

I see it this way,your wife can now let loose with no worries about parents or peers on what she is doing,so she has a sexual playmate,so start having fun with your wife.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think you got married too young.


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## LolaLynn (Jun 10, 2014)

I'm replying to this because I feel your wife's pain. I've been married to my husband for ten years and I'm constantly begging him for sex just to be rejected because he would rather masturbate to porn. It has killed our marriage and if it weren't for my 9 yr old daughter I would have left a long time ago! As women we always hear how sexual men are and how much they want it so when he doesn't, it makes us women feel like the lowest form of female on the planet. It has killed my self esteem and sent me into a deep depression. For the longest time I blamed myself. I wasn't, pretty, skinny, or sexy enough to turn him on. I couldn't understand how he could not want me when I'm laying next to him naked and throwing myself at him. I'm not overweight and I know I haven't let myself go, so it has frustrated me to no end. I've come to realize it's not me. I've been hit on several times by men but have never acted on it because the guilt overcomes me. I don't know why I feel so guilty thinking about getting it from another man since he had made it clear he's not going to give it to me.

My words of advice to you is to stop masturbating to porn and go be with your wife!! God knows I wish my husband would! If you're not going to meet her needs sexually then you need to set her free so she can go elsewhere. It's not fair to her to be rejected all the time for only wanting her husband to have sex with her! It's very painful and hurts to the core! I'm only speaking from experience because I feel this pain every day!!!!!!!!


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

your posts are very confusing. are you not attracted to your wife? i imagine at her age and being in the air force, she has to have a decent body. with you masturbating daily, there has to be a reason why you won't have sex with her when she wants. also, at your age you should be able to orgasm several times a day. would watching porn together help you to get in the mood to do it with her?

turn the tables. what if she masturbated daily but turned you down when you requested sex? would that make any sense to you?


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Married at 18? Wow. 

You either grow up real fast and make it work, or think hard about divorce and grow up a lot more.

Marriage is work. Most people get married thinking it's all fun and games, and realize later it is a lot of work, more than they're willing to put in.

Sounds like you're not ready for the real work yet. The statistics are not favorable for you. You have pretty much given up the rest of your life to make this relationship work. Consider if you both are really willing to do that. I know I would not, could not, until I graduated from college and had a stable job, traveled the world, etc. Most people marry far later in life these days.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

" I am not a married man but I am a married woman and I can tell you that constant rejection will kill the marriage stone dead. She will start feeling bad about herself and resenting you for making her feel that way. The bad feelings will spill over into every aspect of the relationship and poison it. It can happen very slowly and insidiously without you realising and I would not be surprised if the rot has already started to set in." ClimbingTheWalls.

Listen to this. You don't want your wife to be climbing the walls.

I think it is ok to stroke one off every now and then. Sometimes it's just easier to do. But you have to try and take care of your wife.

My advice; try a compromise. Sex 3-4 times a week for as long as she wants it. BTW........you are a lucky man. Learn to appreciate that.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I've been married over 15 years and we still have sex twice a day. Intimacy is extremely important in a relationship and there is no way to get closer than being inside your wife.

Are you attracted to your wife? I think I'd hate having sex with my wife daily if she had odors or I wasn't attracted to her. Nothing about my wife repulses me and I am turned on by her in every way. If she walks around in her bra and panties, it will only be a few minutes before she is walking around naked. I'd assume my wife puts on clothing because she knows if she didn't, we'd never get anything done. You seem to have the opposite problem.

If you are masturbating daily and looking at other women, yet do not want to have sex with your wife who walks around nearly nude daily in front of you, I'd say you aren't attracted to her. You are immature and instead of appreciating that a beautiful woman is walking around you partially nude, you are annoyed by the fact she isn't wearing clothing. You don't appreciate what you have, probably because you married so young you do not understand what a great woman is. Men kill to have a woman into sex daily and walking around the house in a bra and panties. For you, it's just your 10th grade girlfriend and all the newness died down by your senior year. 

I have no suggestions for you now, you can't just magically appreciate what you have if you don't know what you could or couldn't have otherwise. The issues are attraction and lack of appreciation.

I was ugly and I couldn't get a girlfriend in high school if my life depended on it, so when I got a woman who appreciate me I knew I would appreciate her for the rest of my life.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Get your a$$ in the Air Force yourself! How are you going to be the man of your household if your wife is risking her life for her country while you stay home playing COD? Jesus. Stop looking at porn! It sucks! I used to watch that crap when I had no other sexual outlet. Since I met my wife, I've watched porn exactly twice. Both times with her. Stop beating off like a 14 year old who's scared of girls and go make love to your wife! Fvck her EVERY DAMN DAY!! Tell her she's beautiful, hot, or sexy when she's walking around half naked. Don't tell her to put clothes on!! That's the exact opposite reaction you should be having! 

Ok. I'm being over the top, but seriously think about things. Talk to her. If you can't satisfy her, don't waste half her life. Figure things out and make it happen.

ETA: My motto (when it's taking forever to decide what to do) is I'd rather make the wrong decision than no decision.


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## steongczak (Jun 12, 2014)

For anyone who cares to know... I have a job. Thanks to the people who gave sincere advice..

I don't get off on the internet because I want to, I just feel inclined to sometimes. I don't know why. Maybe because I grew up doing so.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Well, here's the thing. If you grew up getting off to the internet porn, that's what you associate with your sexual urges. You've trained yourself to always be looking for the bigger better thing. You need the BIG reactions that the porn girls give, and you probably click from one scene to the next, so you're addicted to the variety too. 

Get off the porn. Start really looking at your wife. Look at all the things that are attractive about her. Focus on those things that you found so sexy before.

A few questions. Were you two sexually active before marriage? How much so? Are you attracted to her?


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

steongczak said:


> I'm only feeling like maybe once every few days or even once a week if it all possible..
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 And you don't see the connection????


Also, you say that you think it is okay to check out other women...


Let me set you straight. If you had no sexual issues with your wife then I would say that your internet thing wasn't a problem and your checking out other women was not a problem.

But you are having problems, and you are your own worst enemy. You have a sexually available wife and you are doing everything you can to disable this relationship. And then instead of looking at the obvious causes... your distractions... you are wondering if you married the wrong person for you.

Maybe you are too young. But you are married. So start being a husband to your wife. Stop wasting your energy on unavailable women.

Unfortunately you are among the generation that has grown up on internet porn and you might be one of those who experiences difficulty in responding to a real woman. You might be one of those who has trained himself to respond more easily to a fantasy than to a reality.

If I were you I would check out the no fap thread at Reddit - 
http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ 

and I would also check out the book "Sex, Men and God." 

Also the yourbrainonporn site has information that would be good for you.

You need to turn this around. Two other problems that I see is that you are cheating your wife out of enjoying her sexuality to her fullest and you are lying by omission because you are hiding the fact that you MB everyday to internet porn.

You are 18 and lucky to be dealing with this now. It should not be too hard for you to turn this around.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

steongczak said:


> For anyone who cares to know... I have a job. Thanks to the people who gave sincere advice..
> 
> I don't get off on the internet because I want to, I just feel inclined to sometimes. I don't know why. Maybe because I grew up doing so.


An early lesson in life is to hold yourself accountable. bad habits can be broken. 

The advice stands. Stop the porn and pay attention to your wife. Go to the GYM instead of wanking off to porn.

What is your job exactly? If you have time during the day to look at porn you are not working. If you work on another shift that is very pertinent to this discussion.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

You've trained yourself to choose porn first. Bad idea. You need to start figuring out a way to stop that. It will ruin the current marriage you're in and any subsequent relationships thereafter.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Troll....


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I am sorry I am am female responding where you asked for male opinions. I want you to know I feel badly for you. Do you have any ideas why you might not have a high sex drive, or why you choose porn over your wife?

Some things you any not think of are 

1. Medications, are you on any meds? 
2. Is there the possibility of sexual abuse in your past somewhere?
3. What is you upbringing, strict religious, sexuality discouraged, or something of that nature?
4. Do you have self esteem issues? 
5. Since your wife is in a position of authority in her job does that affect how you feel?

I think you should give up porn, it changes a young mans brain chemistry and not for the better either. Good luck.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

I hate it when the OP puts up a post then disappears, or writes obscure one sentence updates/replies once every few days.
This is either a troll post or he REALLY doesn't care about his wife


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