# It was the begining of the end...



## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

Hey guys...I'm back. Unfortunately after things got better, they only lasted a couple of days. Things are worse then they ever were and I think I have no choice but to separate or actually get rid of him once and for all and divorce.
For those of you that have helped me in my previous posts, know what has happened in my life the past couple of weeks.

Firday I posted that I finally contacted a therapist in the hopes that we will try marriage counseling and try and work things out. Since then things got a lot worse. I couldnt get him to answer me if he was coming to see the counselor or not. It basically came down to me telling him that I made the appointment for Tuesday night, I will be there with or without him. If he comes, this is his last chance to make things right if he wants to, if not, we will start working on our separation or divorce. The reason why it came down to this is because he started acting like a jerk again, which pretty much means him acting like Im not even there. He would just sit on the couch, not say 2 words to me all day, not involved in our lives at all. Saturday when I asked him what is going on again, I though he was going to try and work on things he simply said he doesnt know. I told him if he knows for sure he doesnt love me or wants to be with me at all, just tell me and I will deal with it as an adult but he had no answer. I finally said to him, do u ever want to be with me, he said sometimes, which is his answer to everything. I said, ok, tell me one time thru our whole time together that u did want to be with me, he said i dont know and he asked me...did u ever feel that I wanted to be with you??? I wanted to choke him..i said I guess never. He said ok then. At that point I just said to him, I guess ur just a lost case and he said, I guess I am. I told him I will still give him the option to come to counseling Tuesday night if he wants but thats it. This was Saturday afternoon. We havent really spoken since then, last night we went to bed, I couldnt stand being in the same bed with him so I went out on the couch and cried for an hour. After that I returned and he was sound asleep, I said to him "glad you can sleep" and he woke up and ask me what I said so i just said again " glad you can sleep but this is your last night in this bed so enjoy it" he didnt say anything, this morning b4 he left to work he kissed me goodbye
on my face. 

As of right now I have a very very bad feeling about things, from previous conversations with him, we said we wouldnt get a divorce only separate and take things from there. I am at the point where I feel I can no longer be tortured by him. He not only does not love me or wants to be with me , he makes me feel like I did something wrong to him. I feel that he has already made up his mind but doesnt want to be the one to end things. Until now, I also looked at the fact that we have a beautiful 15 month old son together and I did not want him growing up without a father. I can no longer look at that as a decision maker, I feel emotionally abused everyday, all day. I feel that everything that I believed he was and the reasons that I loved him are no longer there and they were lies. He does not want me, he does not love me or wants to make an effort to make things right. 

I am looking forward seeing the therapist tomorrow night, Ive never seen one before but I somehow have a good feeling about it. Wheather he shows or not, I want to make a decision if we are separating or if I should end it once and for all and divorce him. I still love him even though he gives me no reasons 2, he never even said that he is sorry or show me any sympathy after everything he's been putting me thru. I feel like after 8 yrs, he is finally showing his true colors and its not a color I like. 

Thanks for listening.


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

8 years is a long time to continue to have the same problems. I know in the beginning I had problems communicating with my wife but those were only the initial couple of years. She stuck with me and I have improved greatly. So much that the problem is almost reversed. We also have small ones so I know how you feel in that regard. But the amazing thing is kids adapt. They would much rather have a happy single parent household then a unhappy mommy and daddy.

I think him not showing up for your appt. will be very telling. If he doesnt he is not interested in staying married to you.


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

Thanks Brad. Yea I guess we will see. I am pretty sure he won't show and even if he does he doesnt seem like he will be there to actually put an effort into it. He would do it to buy more time. My time however is runing out. I spoke to his father, whom knows of the situation and he thinks that there is someone else. Why else would he all of a sudden wake up and be so unhappy with me when he has everything he needs. Wife, kid, brand new cars, motorcycle, house, friends, family. He doesnt do anything in the house, cant even remember when was the last time he changed our son's diaper or fed him or at least take him out to the park for a few.

I am an emotional wreck but at the same time very angry.


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

I feel for you Kuki, but I wish you the best of luck. If he is not willing to work this out, I dont see the point in you putting an effort into it either. You will only frustrate yourself more!


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

Sprite said:


> I feel for you Kuki, but I wish you the best of luck. If he is not willing to work this out, I dont see the point in you putting an effort into it either. You will only frustrate yourself more!


Thank you. I just sent him the following text and he said nothing: I don't want you in the house or anywhere in my presence around me anymore. Please find yourself a place to stay until you find a place to live. I refuse to be emotionally abused by you any longer and I dont want Alex around that kind of life. 

The option of working things out is still there and can start by you showing up tomorrow night. If not, we will work the details out and will most likely be filing for divorce shortly after.


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

Just thought Id let it out. Called my H today to tell him that I still loved him, since tonight is the big night at going to the therapist and did not know if he had any intentions on showing up and trying to work things out. So I felt that I had to call him and tell him that I still loved him. I started getting emotional, he said " Baby, please dont do this right now, I am going with you tonight and we will work on it" I said ok, thank you, I love you. He said I love you to. 

I hope this is a good thing and he comes with an open mind and positive outlook on things and that counseling will work.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

see, you said before you were sure he wasn't going to show up at the counselors, right? YAY! he is, and that's THE BEST news you could've gotten.

a) he's showing up, so he cares

b) he knows there's "work" involved (he used that word, right) so you have him in a place he needs to be.

i say good deal. congrats, best of luck, and say a prayer of thanks. saving a relationship IS sometimes a miracle. He listens!


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

voivod said:


> see, you said before you were sure he wasn't going to show up at the counselors, right? YAY! he is, and that's THE BEST news you could've gotten.
> 
> a) he's showing up, so he cares
> 
> ...



Thanks so much. I feel like a kid waiting for Xmas. I am soo looking forward to tonight. Even though I have to keep reminding myself that this is not guarantee that things will work, I still have so much hope just knowing that he does care to a point where he is making an effort to work on things. He hasnt called me baby in I dont even know how long. When he said baby, I almost felt like Im safe now.


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

Did he show up? How are things going?


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

Sprite said:


> Did he show up? How are things going?


Good morning Sprite...thanks so much for ur time...I actually started a new post becase we have decided to separate, here's the link:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/2918-separation.html


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

thanks, and I am sorry to hear that


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