# What's the best way to help my husband get over my infidelity?



## Marojan (Oct 23, 2021)

I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity. We've been together for 16 years and married for 13. We have a 5 year old son together. I'm a stay at home mom and he's a police officer. I love him and the life he provides for me. With that being said, last year during the lockdown, a friend/co-worker of his was going through a tough breakup with his wife. The other man is also an officer and has known my husband since the academy. His co-worker thought it was best to separate from his wife since she is capable of making up a story about him and cause him to lose his job. My husband asked me if it was ok if this friend could stay at our house for at most a few weeks. He needed just enough time to save some money and get an apartment of his own. I agreed for him to stay with us because I have a good heart and it was the right thing to do. 

This man works days while my husband works nights. During the day, I would talk with him about life and his pending divorce but it was nothing too detailed. I did feel a little uncomfortable having another man in our home while my husband was away but my husband assured me he was a good man that needed help. As I got to know him more, I became more comfortable having him around. Two weeks passed and he didn't move out. I asked my husband about it and he said that he needed more time to save money before he could get his own place. During this time, me and his friend started to grow closer. He started to tell me intimate details about his marriage and why he was getting a divorce. He told me that they hadn't had sex in months. He said the sex was great in the beginning and that the frequency got less and less. He said that he never cheated on her and that he remained faithful. I began to feel bad for him. After a while, this turned into physical attraction. I told him how I felt but that I did not want to cheat on my husband. He told me he also liked me but he respected my husband and didn't want to breakup our marriage. The sexual tension kept going up and it got to the point that I couldn't control myself. One afternoon, I gave him oral sex in our bedroom. He told me that he enjoyed and I could see it in his face. I actually felt good because it had been the first time that I ever saw a smile on his face. Still, he told me that sex didn't feel comfortable since I'm a married woman. We agreed that our interactions would be strictly oral and nothing more. 

This went on for a couple more months until one day, my husband came home early and caught me in the act. They had a big fight and he pulled a gun on my husband. Out of respect for the house, his friend agreed to leave that day. I felt so bad. I felt bad that my husband had saw what I did but I think it was cruel for him to kick his friend on the street like that. He agreed to leave but he really had no place to go. I understand that it was better for him to leave but I hate it had to be under these circumstances.

My husband broke down crying and I couldn't help but cry too. He said how this friend had cheated on his wife with multiple women and that was the real reason for the divorce. I felt betrayed but also upset with my husband. He had no right to bring this man in our house if he was of such low character. Furthermore, if he had moved out within the 2 weeks like we originally agreed, none of this would have happened. Also, I am human. My husband let this man be around me so what did he expect would happen? He shouldn't even had brought him here and now, his thought process almost cost us our marriage.

We've been in counseling for 6 months now but I feel as if we've made no progress. My husband does not want to leave and we all agreed that it's in his best interest to stay. We've been married long enough that I'm entitled to half his pension. Not to mention he would need to pay child support. It just makes financial sense for him to stay and deal with it. I've been trying to ease his mind but every time we fight, he always brings up the fact that I cheated. I know what I did and I'm only human. There's no need for him to throw it in my face. He needs to man up and get over it. He tries to act like he's better than me since I'm labeled the cheater in this relationship. I am sure that he's done things that I don't know about. He needs to come down from his high horse and level with me. He claims that he sometimes walks in from work and replays the nightmare in his head. I get it but we just have to move on from this. If he continues down this path, I will be forced to leave. It will destroy him financially and I would hate to see that. I just want my old husband back. I'm tired of all the smart remarks and his insecurities. What can I do to get him to get over this? He understands that he played a hand in this and it's not all my fault. I need him to move on and be the man that I need him to be.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Marojan said:


> I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity. We've been together for 16 years and married for 13. We have a 5 year old son together. I'm a stay at home mom and he's a police officer. I love him and the life he provides for me. With that being said, last year during the lockdown, a friend/co-worker of his was going through a tough breakup with his wife. The other man is also an officer and has known my husband since the academy. His co-worker thought it was best to separate from his wife since she is capable of making up a story about him and cause him to lose his job. My husband asked me if it was ok if this friend could stay at our house for at most a few weeks. He needed just enough time to save some money and get an apartment of his own. I agreed for him to stay with us because I have a good heart and it was the right thing to do.
> 
> This man works days while my husband works nights. During the day, I would talk with him about life and his pending divorce but it was nothing too detailed. I did feel a little uncomfortable having another man in our home while my husband was away but my husband assured me he was a good man that needed help. As I got to know him more, I became more comfortable having him around. Two weeks passed and he didn't move out. I asked my husband about it and he said that he needed more time to save money before he could get his own place. During this time, me and his friend started to grow closer. He started to tell me intimate details about his marriage and why he was getting a divorce. He told me that they hadn't had sex in months. He said the sex was great in the beginning and that the frequency got less and less. He said that he never cheated on her and that he remained faithful. I began to feel bad for him. After a while, this turned into physical attraction. I told him how I felt but that I did not want to cheat on my husband. He told me he also liked me but he respected my husband and didn't want to breakup our marriage. The sexual tension kept going up and it got to the point that I couldn't control myself. One afternoon, I gave him oral sex in our bedroom. He told me that he enjoyed and I could see it in his face. I actually felt good because it had been the first time that I ever saw a smile on his face. Still, he told me that sex didn't feel comfortable since I'm a married woman. We agreed that our interactions would be strictly oral and nothing more.
> 
> ...


There is no only human, when it comes to being unfaithful. You didn't guard yourself against hurting your husband.
He's allowed to take whatever length of time that he wants, even the rest of your married life, to process the hurt at his pace.

Your expressing entitilement, that you can do what you want within a marriage, but he's supposed to get over it.
I suggest leaving the marriage, that you didn't wish to honor it.

You need him to be the cuckold that you want him to be, or you'll leave.
If it had been me that was in this situation, I would have left the house than be alone with him and report him to the husband when he returns home for him to deal with.

You wouldn't give him the same response, that you want him to take, if he sought female companionship even if it was just blowjobs.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Wow, I can't believe I just read that. My first thought as far as helping him get over your "infidelity" is to suggest you move out and let him find someone who deserves him. 
Seriously....wow!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

@Marojan Are you for real? Thinking it’s wrong for your husband to kick your new boyfriend out of the house when he walks in on the two of you having sex? There is no defense for what you did. Don’t try to blame shift to your husband. He’s got issues but he didn’t cause you to throw away your marriage.

Wayward’s usually come here just a little bit less full of themselves. They certainly don’t threaten to leave if the betrayed spouse doesn’t “man up.” If you’re looking for advice on how to get your husband to accept your right to have an affair and be ok with it, I don’t think this is the place.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Marojan said:


> I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity. We've been together for 16 years and married for 13. We have a 5 year old son together. I'm a stay at home mom and he's a police officer. I love him and the life he provides for me. With that being said, last year during the lockdown, a friend/co-worker of his was going through a tough breakup with his wife. The other man is also an officer and has known my husband since the academy. His co-worker thought it was best to separate from his wife since she is capable of making up a story about him and cause him to lose his job. My husband asked me if it was ok if this friend could stay at our house for at most a few weeks. He needed just enough time to save some money and get an apartment of his own. I agreed for him to stay with us because I have a good heart and it was the right thing to do.
> 
> This man works days while my husband works nights. During the day, I would talk with him about life and his pending divorce but it was nothing too detailed. I did feel a little uncomfortable having another man in our home while my husband was away but my husband assured me he was a good man that needed help. As I got to know him more, I became more comfortable having him around. Two weeks passed and he didn't move out. I asked my husband about it and he said that he needed more time to save money before he could get his own place. During this time, me and his friend started to grow closer. He started to tell me intimate details about his marriage and why he was getting a divorce. He told me that they hadn't had sex in months. He said the sex was great in the beginning and that the frequency got less and less. He said that he never cheated on her and that he remained faithful. I began to feel bad for him. After a while, this turned into physical attraction. I told him how I felt but that I did not want to cheat on my husband. He told me he also liked me but he respected my husband and didn't want to breakup our marriage. The sexual tension kept going up and it got to the point that I couldn't control myself. One afternoon, I gave him oral sex in our bedroom. He told me that he enjoyed and I could see it in his face. I actually felt good because it had been the first time that I ever saw a smile on his face. Still, he told me that sex didn't feel comfortable since I'm a married woman. We agreed that our interactions would be strictly oral and nothing more.
> 
> ...


Uhh… what?

Are you for real?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

1. Sign over full custody of your child to your husband.

2. Sign a separation agreement favorable to him with no claim on his finances.

3. Make sure to stay on his insurance and check yourself in to a mental health institution.

4. Make sure to be a witness in your husband's favor when be presses charges for having a weapon brandished at him and help him destroy your lover's career.

5. After you get healthy mentally, give your husband a favorable divorce with no alimony or claim to his pension.

6. If you know any solid young ladies, who are not one of the lizard people, promote your ex husband to them as a real catch.

7. Get some treatment for your condition. Your future men probably won't appreciate your scales and green skin no matter how shiny you keep yourself.


These are some steps you can take to help your husband get over it.

Have a nice day.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The first thing you need is a complete attitude transplant.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

Has anyone ever told you that you're a horrible person? 

If not: You're a horrible person.


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

Marojan said:


> I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity. We've been together for 16 years and married for 13. We have a 5 year old son together. I'm a stay at home mom and he's a police officer. I love him and the life he provides for me. With that being said, last year during the lockdown, a friend/co-worker of his was going through a tough breakup with his wife. The other man is also an officer and has known my husband since the academy. His co-worker thought it was best to separate from his wife since she is capable of making up a story about him and cause him to lose his job. My husband asked me if it was ok if this friend could stay at our house for at most a few weeks. He needed just enough time to save some money and get an apartment of his own. I agreed for him to stay with us because I have a good heart and it was the right thing to do.
> 
> This man works days while my husband works nights. During the day, I would talk with him about life and his pending divorce but it was nothing too detailed. I did feel a little uncomfortable having another man in our home while my husband was away but my husband assured me he was a good man that needed help. As I got to know him more, I became more comfortable having him around. Two weeks passed and he didn't move out. I asked my husband about it and he said that he needed more time to save money before he could get his own place. During this time, me and his friend started to grow closer. He started to tell me intimate details about his marriage and why he was getting a divorce. He told me that they hadn't had sex in months. He said the sex was great in the beginning and that the frequency got less and less. He said that he never cheated on her and that he remained faithful. I began to feel bad for him. After a while, this turned into physical attraction. I told him how I felt but that I did not want to cheat on my husband. He told me he also liked me but he respected my husband and didn't want to breakup our marriage. The sexual tension kept going up and it got to the point that I couldn't control myself. One afternoon, I gave him oral sex in our bedroom. He told me that he enjoyed and I could see it in his face. I actually felt good because it had been the first time that I ever saw a smile on his face. Still, he told me that sex didn't feel comfortable since I'm a married woman. We agreed that our interactions would be strictly oral and nothing more.
> 
> ...


Honestly, you are simply a terrible person and are clearly not a good candidate for R. You minimize what YOU did while literally blaming your husband and telling telling him to man up and get over it? wtf is wrong with you? Why couldn't you man up and not cheat? Why couldn't you man up and tell your husband to get the guy out of the house? And then you think it was cruel to kick the man out? Is this story even real? You were blowing the guy for months, lying to your husband, betraying him, and HE was cruel to kick the POS out? You cannot be serious. How many times did you kiss your husband after blowing the other guy? Just disgusting, but you just can't seem to understand his pain?

You don't love your husband, I'm guessing you haven't for a long time now. But, you are quick to note that half that pension will be yours. Absolutely disgusting.

I just feel terrible for your husband.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Marojan said:


> I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity.


Divorce will help your husband get over it.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Your husband was indeed rude. My rule of thumb is if I find my wife giving a blowjob to a houseguest, I at least give the guest a week's notice and some spending money. You can't just put someone out on the street like that. I can understand your frustration with him.


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## Jimhardc (Oct 16, 2014)

Please tell me this is a bad joke! You may be eligible for 1/2 of his pens but do you really believe you deserve it. Your household should be able to have ANY houseguest and its reasonable to expect your spouse to be faithful period. Even if said houseguest talks to you, Hell even if they walk around naked you made a promise to your husband to be faithful always! Not just when it’s convenient for you.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

Mods?


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Out of curiosity, how about dis:


How about your husband goes out, finds a woman (better yet, make it one of your good friends), brings her home, has sex with her on your bed and you walk in. At that point, make sure to get into a fight with your friend and then said friend pulls a gun on you. 


Now it's time for you to woman up and get over your insecurities. 


What say you now? What do you think that would feel like?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Marojan said:


> I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity. We've been together for 16 years and married for 13. We have a 5 year old son together. I'm a stay at home mom and he's a police officer. I love him and the life he provides for me. With that being said, last year during the lockdown, a friend/co-worker of his was going through a tough breakup with his wife. The other man is also an officer and has known my husband since the academy. His co-worker thought it was best to separate from his wife since she is capable of making up a story about him and cause him to lose his job. My husband asked me if it was ok if this friend could stay at our house for at most a few weeks. He needed just enough time to save some money and get an apartment of his own. I agreed for him to stay with us because I have a good heart and it was the right thing to do.
> 
> This man works days while my husband works nights. During the day, I would talk with him about life and his pending divorce but it was nothing too detailed. I did feel a little uncomfortable having another man in our home while my husband was away but my husband assured me he was a good man that needed help. As I got to know him more, I became more comfortable having him around. Two weeks passed and he didn't move out. I asked my husband about it and he said that he needed more time to save money before he could get his own place. During this time, me and his friend started to grow closer. He started to tell me intimate details about his marriage and why he was getting a divorce. He told me that they hadn't had sex in months. He said the sex was great in the beginning and that the frequency got less and less. He said that he never cheated on her and that he remained faithful. I began to feel bad for him. After a while, this turned into physical attraction. I told him how I felt but that I did not want to cheat on my husband. He told me he also liked me but he respected my husband and didn't want to breakup our marriage. The sexual tension kept going up and it got to the point that I couldn't control myself. One afternoon, I gave him oral sex in our bedroom. He told me that he enjoyed and I could see it in his face. I actually felt good because it had been the first time that I ever saw a smile on his face. Still, he told me that sex didn't feel comfortable since I'm a married woman. We agreed that our interactions would be strictly oral and nothing more.
> 
> ...


I'm going to assume here that this is what's really going on in your life. Your attitude about your cheating is so out of line that it's hard to believe. Your attitude about all this is why your husband can't move beyond the pain you caused by cheating... and most horribly by him catching you having sex with a man he was helping out. It takes 2 to 5 years for a betrayed spouse to recover from their spouse's affair. You are only 6 months out. What you are doing and this attitude of yours is preventing any recovery.

I'm suggesting a book for you that would be a great help to you and your husband if the two of you want to work on recovering from your affair.
How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful: Linda J. MacDonald


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Give him a quick divorce and make sure he gets everything.
That way he can find a gal that cares about how he feels; one who hopefully has integrity.
He shouldn’t forgive you and he shouldn’t stay with you. That’s how he gets over it quicker.

no one made you cheat but yourself. Those legs get spread by you. When you learn to own your actions you may become a better person.

ps - he will never get over the pain you’ve caused by being selfish. You’ve ruined your family and possibly his job.

speaking of jobs - get a full time job yourself! You have too much free time to ruin lives.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Marojan said:


> He had no right to bring this man in our house if he was of such low character.


Please make sure he gets help on excising these low character people from his life. (Like the one he married)


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Honestly, give him a quick and painless divorce. He will never get over the level of disrespect you showed him by ****ing his friend in his own bed, and you defend him even now, you probably shouldn't be married to anyone. Go be with the friend, you are about at the same level. You keep calling yourself human, but you don't seem to have a lot of humanity at least towards your husband. I am very doubtful of this post but maybe you have narcissist personality disorder and it's gross.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I just can’t with this…newsflash…if you think your lover is of low moral character because he cheated on his wife you are also of low moral character because you cheated on your husband…and that is nobody’s fault but your own. You don’t love your husband…you love the life he provides for you…you said it yourself. Disgusting.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

I heard from a couple of young guys that they would never get married in their lives because there are women like the OP lurking around and it's just not worth it to risk half your assets on someone like this. I thought they were exaggerating. I guess not.

Wow, @Marojan , you don't deserve to get anything in the divorce, that will come once your husband gets out of his state of shock. Do good men a favor and stay single after that.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

The best thing you can do is divorce him and NOT take any alimony or part of his pension. Get yourself a job so you can support yourself and contribute to supporting your 5 year old. He can help you by having his kid 50% of the time and helping you with child support if you’re not able to get a decent job. 

For your own good, you should get some individual counseling to reach into your very dark soul. It is hard to believe that you actually were defending that POS, who pulled his gun on your husband and father of your child. How you expect your husband to just man up and forget that for months you were gulping down this POS’ seed is beyond me. Very few men will want anything to do with a cheating divorcee with a kid but especially not one that has your nasty attitude. So don’t forget to get yourself into counseling. You really need it.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Wow, I can't believe I just read that.


Print it and put it in the COS file. Hint: The C stand for crock.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

I agree no alimony and no child support. Work and support yourself. Looks like you’ve used him for a paycheck this whole marriage. Give the guy a break - you really ruined his life.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Marojan said:


> I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity. We've been together for 16 years and married for 13. We have a 5 year old son together. I'm a stay at home mom and he's a police officer. I love him and the life he provides for me. With that being said, last year during the lockdown, a friend/co-worker of his was going through a tough breakup with his wife. The other man is also an officer and has known my husband since the academy. His co-worker thought it was best to separate from his wife since she is capable of making up a story about him and cause him to lose his job. My husband asked me if it was ok if this friend could stay at our house for at most a few weeks. He needed just enough time to save some money and get an apartment of his own. I agreed for him to stay with us because I have a good heart and it was the right thing to do.
> 
> This man works days while my husband works nights. During the day, I would talk with him about life and his pending divorce but it was nothing too detailed. I did feel a little uncomfortable having another man in our home while my husband was away but my husband assured me he was a good man that needed help. As I got to know him more, I became more comfortable having him around. Two weeks passed and he didn't move out. I asked my husband about it and he said that he needed more time to save money before he could get his own place. During this time, me and his friend started to grow closer. He started to tell me intimate details about his marriage and why he was getting a divorce. He told me that they hadn't had sex in months. He said the sex was great in the beginning and that the frequency got less and less. He said that he never cheated on her and that he remained faithful. I began to feel bad for him. After a while, this turned into physical attraction. I told him how I felt but that I did not want to cheat on my husband. He told me he also liked me but he respected my husband and didn't want to breakup our marriage. The sexual tension kept going up and it got to the point that I couldn't control myself. One afternoon, I gave him oral sex in our bedroom. He told me that he enjoyed and I could see it in his face. I actually felt good because it had been the first time that I ever saw a smile on his face. Still, he told me that sex didn't feel comfortable since I'm a married woman. We agreed that our interactions would be strictly oral and nothing more.
> 
> ...


Your husband let this man in his house. * Ultimately you choose to let this other man in your bed. *

_He needs to man up and get over it. _Rug sweeping at its finest. If your husband does _man up _you will be on the express path to divorce.

You are the cheater. Your husband is on a high horse by default - he didn't betray you. Trying to shift the blame to your husband for your own poor choices will do nothing helpful.

You are sure _he has done things_ *but you have no proof* so like every other cheater you found an excuse to justify your cheating. What is your answer if your husband has done nothing to you? You will find another excuse.

You cheated because you had the opportunity to and you wanted to. You have listed all the reasons why you expect your husband not to leave you so why not cheat?

You want your old husband back. Then you should not have given him up for the other man. Your old husband is gone.

You need him to move on. You and every other wayward that betrays their spouse.

Good luck. After he stops hurting, you may be in for a very rude surprise.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

GoldenR said:


> Has anyone ever told you that you're a horrible person?
> 
> If not: You're a horrible person.


I agree.

And your husband is an idiot for bringing this cheater friend into the house.

_If this story is true,_ I believe he was complicit. 

He had camera's set up in the house, and/or his friend tipped him off when to come and catch the two of you in the act.

The fight afterwards?
That had to be staged, also.

Your husband might have suspected you of prior infidelity and wanted to test you.
Maybe, it was a secret bet between the two men?

Very few policemen are this dumb. 
From what I have heard and seen, they have their share of cheaters.

This was crazy reckless, on everyone's part.





_Are Dee-_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Marojan Your husband was an idiot. But you were cruel. So although you are legally entitled to his pension, you can show how you have grown as a person by not taking half his pension. He'll need that to support his next, faithful wife, won't he?

And for anyone who says "Hey! Husband was a policeman! He'd never do such-and-such!" I know of Medical Doctors who, despite knowing the dangers of smoking or illegal drugs, still smoke or take illegal drugs.


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## Mr Steel (Sep 30, 2021)

This story sounds like BS. If it is true then accept the marriage has ended and move on. Don't hurt your husband further.


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## VintageRetro (Apr 13, 2021)

Marojan said:


> I need help trying to get my husband to get over my infidelity. We've been together for 16 years and married for 13. We have a 5 year old son together. I'm a stay at home mom and he's a police officer. I love him and the life he provides for me. With that being said, last year during the lockdown, a friend/co-worker of his was going through a tough breakup with his wife. The other man is also an officer and has known my husband since the academy. His co-worker thought it was best to separate from his wife since she is capable of making up a story about him and cause him to lose his job. My husband asked me if it was ok if this friend could stay at our house for at most a few weeks. He needed just enough time to save some money and get an apartment of his own. I agreed for him to stay with us because I have a good heart and it was the right thing to do.
> 
> This man works days while my husband works nights. During the day, I would talk with him about life and his pending divorce but it was nothing too detailed. I did feel a little uncomfortable having another man in our home while my husband was away but my husband assured me he was a good man that needed help. As I got to know him more, I became more comfortable having him around. Two weeks passed and he didn't move out. I asked my husband about it and he said that he needed more time to save money before he could get his own place. During this time, me and his friend started to grow closer. He started to tell me intimate details about his marriage and why he was getting a divorce. He told me that they hadn't had sex in months. He said the sex was great in the beginning and that the frequency got less and less. He said that he never cheated on her and that he remained faithful. I began to feel bad for him. After a while, this turned into physical attraction. I told him how I felt but that I did not want to cheat on my husband. He told me he also liked me but he respected my husband and didn't want to breakup our marriage. The sexual tension kept going up and it got to the point that I couldn't control myself. One afternoon, I gave him oral sex in our bedroom. He told me that he enjoyed and I could see it in his face. I actually felt good because it had been the first time that I ever saw a smile on his face. Still, he told me that sex didn't feel comfortable since I'm a married woman. We agreed that our interactions would be strictly oral and nothing more.
> 
> ...


I'm currently going through my own issue from my wife's betrayal and probably should not be posting in others threads right now but this post got to me.

The fact that you have the audacity to even hint that your husband holds any blame in your lack of self control and moral integrity is the exact reason why he will never "get over it". 

You are tired of his smart remarks?

You are tired of his insecurities?

You will be forced to leave if he doesn't get over it?

You? You? How about him walking in on someone he should be able to trust completely having sex with another man? I guess if you caught him with another woman you would just get over it?

He's not the problem. You are and you need help. Professional help. Rug sweeping this will not work. 

TAM has had a recent influx of cheaters posting. Honestly, except for @Cici1990 , they all seem to be very much hit and run when it comes to seeking advice. I encourage you to read her thread and watch the transformation. She pretty much came across as someone very self absorbed but is now a mother of twins and working on reconciling with her husband. She is even helping him to deal with some of his issues.

What you have done is devastating to your husband. There is no quick fix. Right now you are showing the maturity of a five-year old. He needs an adult helping him with this right now and your not it.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

How come all the cheaters only ever give oral? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Such generous lovers, so giving.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Luckylucky said:


> How come all the cheaters only ever give oral? 🤷🏻‍♀️
> 
> Such generous lovers, so giving.


I have always wondered about this myself.

Is this a lesser act of betrayal?

To me, it seems more directly (and in your face) personal and damaging to the betrayed husband.

This needs a ladies opinion.


_Are Dee-_


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> I have always wondered about this myself.
> 
> Is this a lesser act of betrayal?
> 
> ...


Not a lesser betrayal. The opposite.

She gave to the other man what she would deny her husband. All part of the forbidden thrill. Like any bribe, it is also necessary to give more to the AP to keep them interested and around.

Likely it was personal. A knife twist and meant to be damaging.

Could also be she is just that clueless and selfish she really didn't give a second thought to any collateral damage as she probably did not expect to get caught. Not like she was going to stop or confess, she was doing this for *months.*


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

SunCMars said:


> I have always wondered about this myself.
> 
> Is this a lesser act of betrayal?
> 
> ...


Yeah I’m a lady and it makes no sense. I mean, really. If I was selfish enough to do that, to my spouse. I’d be inclined to get what I need from a side piece, rather than be so giving and yet so hesitant to go all the way 🙄. That kindness eh? 😏

Seems so inconsistent doesn’t it? Yet story after story, ‘I only did oral’. 🤷🏻‍♀️


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

After breaking your vows & his heart, now you are threatening to break him financially & you wonder why he hasn't gotten over your infidelity. Think that one through again. 

While it would have been better if your husband had given you a heads up about what a Lothario the buddy is, no amount of sympathy or long chats should have made you vulnerable enough to have sex with the other guy. Unless he had a gun to your head, you always had the ability and OBLIGATION to say no. Instead you cheated. 

The best way to possibly enable your husband to "get over it" is to start acting contrite. You need to be doing everything humanly possible to make it up to him, to show genuine remorse, to stop blaming him & to acknowledge that he's entitled to be hurt. When you do that, maybe, he can get past this. I could not in his shoes & would have started divorce proceedings against you within days after the terrible discovery. So you best get back on your knees & thank him for even trying to work through this. Now take him off the clock & set about soothing all the pain you caused if that is even possible.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> I agree no alimony and no child support.


I agree no alimony & no pension but the *child support belongs to the child.* It is for the child's benefit. Whoever gets custody of the minor children, gets money from the non-custodial parent for the benefit of the kids. Perhaps something can be worked out so material things are given like clothes, payment for camp / after school activities but no court in the world will let somebody waive CS payments. Depriving the kids of money because mom & dad have issues is not a solution.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Maybe you should bring up the idea in therapy that your husband might be a closeted cuckold. 

He moves some lothario in, leaves him alone with his wife all day, has a gun pulled on him when he discovers what's going on (if anyone pulled a gun it should have been your husband), and then decides to stay with you after all that. He's either the weakest man that ever walked the earth or he's into it on some level.

Instead of trying to get him over it, maybe help him out of the closet and to come to grips with it. And develop better boundaries so you're not embarrassing him in front of the whole police department. Some guy on a radio show I used to listen to would stand in the corner and masturbate while his wife had sex with other men. It's not that uncommon apparently.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> @Marojan Are you for real?


I would answer but it's against forum rules to question the credibility of a poster so I'll just leave this here.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

If this story is in fact real, it polarizes the need for "at fault" legislation in every single jurisdiction in the Western world. A betrayed spouse should not have to suffer financially as a result of their partner's infidelity.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Is this for real???

EVERYTHING about OP attitude about this is SO OUT THERE I just can't take it seriously.

If it is true and she feels this way I sure hope her husband can get as far away from her as possible. What a F'n nightmare!!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Frankly I would publicize your affair and drive you from your home and your town. There would not be one person who would hold you in any regard. You betrayed him and are now blackmailing him. He deserves a better life, without you in it. How dare you blame him for your itchy lady parts.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

just when you think the bar is as low as it could go, we have OP who pulls out a shovel and crawls under.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> I have always wondered about this myself.
> 
> Is this a lesser act of betrayal?
> 
> ...


how some of these WWs think this is less of a betrayal is beyond me. BJs to completion are equally as bad as actual PIV. In some ways it’s worse because the submission the woman puts herself in and that it is almost all for the man’s enjoyment. I think about how the majority of wives stop or greatly reduce the number of times she’ll give her husband a BJ, not to mention that swallowing goes out the window. Yet for month this WW was giving OM BJs. With her husband working nights, does anyone here think these BJs weren’t given daily and to completion?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

jsmart said:


> how some of these WWs think this is less of a betrayal is beyond me. BJs to completion are equally as bad as actual PIV. In some ways it’s worse because the submission the woman puts herself in and that it is almost all for the man’s enjoyment. I think about how the majority of wives stop or greatly reduce the number of times she’ll give her husband a BJ, not to mention that swallowing goes out the window. Yet for month this WW was giving OM BJs. With her husband working nights, does anyone here think these BJs weren’t given daily and to completion?


So if the post is real, you don’t really believe it was bj’s only huh??????????


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> So if the post is real, you don’t really believe it was bj’s only huh??????????


If it were me, that BH, I would consider the BJ's to be worse, _oh so much_, more insulting.

Just sayin!

JMO.



_Are Dee-_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

This story is adorable.

Thread closed.


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