# He lied about being a Marine. I'm freaking out



## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

I went this whole cheater roller coaster with my exH for years. I finally left him and thought I found someone so much better. I knew my current dh as a teenager, and honestly he was just a jewel then. Then we lost contact and have been back together 3 years. I'm early 40's, so there was 20+ years I did not know anything about him. 

He's not the same man I knew back then. On top of this current revelation, I am suspicious of cheating. I'll get into that later, but anyway. He talked non stop about combat etc....It is a huge part of his personality. Quite by total accident, I found out from his mom that NONE OF IT IS TRUE. Oh yeah, he was a marine, she said, for a couple of months and was medically discharged. He didn't go overseas or serve any combat or any of that. Certainly didn't "watch his friends" die and all that. He had everyone fooled...his exwife, his children, his best friends....I contacted his exwife and best friend, ad they were floored, shocked. These are all people who have had contact with him throughout his life. He told me his mom was lying because she doesn't like me. I then spent several months going back and forth wondering if maybe he was telling the truth. 

Recently I contacted a site which checks about phony soldiers. Bless them, they are angels. They immediately checked into it for no charge and contacted me with information and sent me copies of the papers they obtained. Sure enough, 3 months in CA as a marine, no injuries, combat, etc. then discharged. 

I am so...I don't know how to describe this feeling. The eerie thing is the details of his stories. I mean it is bizarre, the details. I've spent some time over there, and much of it seemed to add up. But there were red flags, in hindsight. He has to be taking the script from someone else's life or from a movie or something. I actually tried to google movies with the same names, stories as what he tells people. 

I have not told him I got this verification from these people. I am walking around in a freaking daze. Meanwhile, I still have to listen to these apparently fake war stories about all the graphic ways he's killed people, all the children he's seen blown up, the friend who died in his arms while he tried to stop the blood pouring out of a bullet wound to the chest, on and on. And all his bull comments like "well people just don't know what it's like to be a marine", like everyone else is such losers. 

He is going to blow it soon. A young guy at his new job is a marine, and they are constantly exchanging stories. I went out with all of them, and dh was going on and to this guy about being shot and losing part of his hearing from being around IED (he will fake being half deaf in bars, telling every freaking bar waitress he can't hear her because he lost his hearing in the marines!!!) oh that's another thing, I can't tell you how many times he loudly "accidentally" proclaims something about being a marine around women. You should see how quick some idiot females respond to that. 

Anyway....I need to calm my mind. I feel like I'm literally in the twilight zone.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

sedona said:


> I went this whole cheater roller coaster with my exH for years. I finally left him and thought I found someone so much better. I knew my current dh as a teenager, and honestly he was just a jewel then. Then we lost contact and have been back together 3 years. I'm early 40's, so there was 20+ years I did not know anything about him.
> 
> He's not the same man I knew back then. On top of this current revelation, I am suspicious of cheating. I'll get into that later, but anyway. He talked non stop about combat etc....It is a huge part of his personality. Quite by total accident, I found out from his mom that NONE OF IT IS TRUE. Oh yeah, he was a marine, she said, for a couple of months and was medically discharged. He didn't go overseas or serve any combat or any of that. Certainly didn't "watch his friends" die and all that. He had everyone fooled...his exwife, his children, his best friends....I contacted his exwife and best friend, ad they were floored, shocked. These are all people who have had contact with him throughout his life. He told me his mom was lying because she doesn't like me. I then spent several months going back and forth wondering if maybe he was telling the truth.
> 
> ...


I served over 39 years in the military and I served in combat. Most Vets don't share their stories with their wives. Some do, but not the way your DH does.

I a counselor that works mainly with combat Vets. We had some fake ones here in our city. One guy and his wife were promoting Vietnam Veteran issues for years. He became a prominent person up and down the East Coast for this work. He was a fraud, when a former Veteran who grew up in the same neighborhood came to an event and this fraud was the main speaker. His former neighbor called him out on his military service.

I have little time for frauds like this POS. 

I would send an email to "this ain't hel*" blog page. They expose these guys.

Cheating or not, this guy seems like a big loser.


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## Roddy (Mar 4, 2013)

This would just freak me the hell out.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Most vets I know never share experiences dealing with death with anyone. Hell it's hard enough sharing with their vet brothers much less revealing it to someone who couldn't possibly understand.


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

Well...i am a vet... but this guy has used this (combat vet act) to gain attention more than likely for years. You need to make a plan when you confront him about this,,, you do this with friends. Are you guys living together? Be careful, but this guy is not who you think he is...just as your suspicions grew to even look into his past.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Bamzor said:


> Well...i am a vet... but this guy has used this (combat vet act) to gain attention more than likely for years. You need to make a plan when you confront him about this,,, you do this with friends. Are you guys living together? Be careful, but this guy is not who you think he is...just as your suspicions grew to even look into his past.


Most of these guys are not dangerous. In fact they often are weak kneed cowards.

Here is what I would do. Tell him you need a copy of his DD 214 (his discharge paper), for a surpise. If he pushes you for a reason, tell him you need it to sign him up at the local VFW and American Legion. They required a DD 214 and that you want to join as a lady's auxilery member, that you think it would be cool to hang out with some Vets. 

Also, tell him that you need his DD 214 to look into benefits for yourself with the Veteran's Aministration, that you hear you might be entitled to education and money.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

In my experience, the only people who go on and on about what happened during a war are either psychopaths or liars. Even old service buddies swapping stories don't usually talk about combat. They reminisce about funny, dumb, stuff that happened on base or between missions. But very, very, few are willing to talk at length - even to other vets - about the realities of war. 

My grandfather loved to tell about the time he got so cold he crawled into a foxhole and asked the fox if she minded a bit of a cuddle. My uncle tells stories about utterly alien everything about Vietnam was to a 20-year old farm boy from Georgia. They're proud of their service, but they don't brag about the details of it.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Did I miss something? Why is this in the coping section?


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

MrK said:


> Did I miss something? Why is this in the coping section?


Sorry, but I was about to post about whether or not I think he has cheated. Then this information came to me this week. And it may sound strange, but this fake marine stuff would connect in a large part to the possible cheating situation. I noted earlier that this is a large way for him to get female attention. And bad as this sounds, the suspcions of cheating actually motivated me more to verify the military service. My plan was that if I found out he had cheated I would sent OW and EVERYBODY ELSE a nice little package of papers showing him as a liar. Again, because I KNOW especially this particular woman would have been lapping up his "war stories' like a desperate dog. and I KNOW if he is ever going to have an affair he will without a doubt use it. 

When he told me in the beginning, I just thought it was another cool noble thing he had done with his life in the 20 years we hadn't seen each other. We had a history from way back, so that was our main bond, not whatever military service. But I didn't get all groupie about it. I've since learned that there are certain women who give attention to men for that reason alone. 

Thanks everyone for responding. Yes it was This Aint Hell that helped me find out the truth. They are angels. 

I was raised by a wonderful man (grandfather) who was a WWII vet and no doubt experienced atrocious things. He never, ever in his 82 years on earth ever brought up any stories to us. All the stories he told were actually sweet....kids he encountered and such. 

I agree with all of you, real men do not regale their women with graphic terrible war stories. Especially about children. I don't care if it's "enemy children"...it hits that painful mother spot in a woman's heart to hear that, literally makes me sick. 

Oh and faking the ptsd when the nearby hospital helicopters would fly over our house. All the times I sat and babied him about it while he held his head in his hands til they passed over. 
Then one time he had me drop him off at the VA hospital for neck problems. Insisted I go back home as it was late. I didn' hear from him for hours and went back to check on him. Looked all over the hospital he was not there, desk didn't have him checked in. So on a hunch I went to the next closest hospital and there was in the er in a neck brace. He had walked there. It was soon after that I learned the truth from his mom. 

His mother had told me to ask him for his DD214. When I confronted him about this back then, I did it very gently, out of concern because I don't know if he's a straight up liar or maybe actually believes some of this stuff? That would make him pretty messed up in the head. To this day he sticks to the story of his mom not liking me. His mom is kind of cold and uppity, but I would definitely not accuse her of disliking me that much. He did tone down the stories but not stop telling them. I talked to his ex wife/mother of his child about this. She was shocked. Because his daughter also believes he was a big war hero. When his dd came down a few weeks ago and mentioned him being a recon sniper (yeah that's the story) he told her "no I wasn't". She looked at him strange (shes 9) and kept repeating she thought he was a sniper etc. He just said no, and distracted her onto something else. She looked totally confused. But I think it is up to her mom to tell her the truth. 

I don't know, but this is a major mind screw. Maybe he is a major psychopath or sociopath or something. If I confront him I know what will happen cause it happened when I first got wind from his mom and confronted him: he will get mad. He wont hit me or anything, but he'll make me feel guilty for doubting him and then he'll make me feel stupid for trusting some stranger on a website over him. He may even say that he was in top secret stuff or something. Then he will so something passive aggressive or just make my day miserable in some way. I have to gear myself up for the confrontation.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think this is sad. He is in so deep with these lies that there's no way he can extract himself now. He needs help coming clean. Real help.

I realize I am probably an outlier, but I would try to ease him into some therapy where he can gradually unwind this if possible. It may not be possible. These are big lies and he may really be deluded. Nonetheless, I would try to find him some help.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

Bamzor said:


> Well...i am a vet... but this guy has used this (combat vet act) to gain attention more than likely for years. You need to make a plan when you confront him about this,,, you do this with friends. Are you guys living together? Be careful, but this guy is not who you think he is...just as your suspicions grew to even look into his past.


Yes we have lived together for 3 years and were supposed to get married....but for all these reasons I had been vague and holding it off.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

And again, what's the cheating situation?


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> I think this is sad. He is in so deep with these lies that there's no way he can extract himself now. He needs help coming clean. Real help.
> 
> I realize I am probably an outlier, but I would try to ease him into some therapy where he can gradually unwind this if possible. It may not be possible. These are big lies and he may really be deluded. Nonetheless, I would try to find him some help.


Yes this is how I approached him originally, before the proof. No anger, no offensiveness, just concern and calmness. I brought up the fact that he would probably need help coming clean from this. He is definitely going to blow it soon, I mean I know, then I told his ex and best friends (2 of them), oh and I also told his boss he had at the time. Because the guy kept basically babying him over his "ptsd" and I just blurted out one day "he doesn't have ptsd he wasn't in combat!!!". So that's 4 random people right there who know. I did tell him that these people know, I had hoped it would motivate him to come clean before the whole world called him out on it. The fact that even knowing that he still sticks with it tells me it is probably so ingrained in his mind. 

Your attitude was exactly what his friend said. He said it didn't change how much he loved him as a friend, but that my DH was not the man he thought he knew. This friend was a combat vet, a real one, and they had shared stories for years. Been friends since childhood. Heck his ex and he were together 10 years and had a kid together, it's bizarre nobody ever found it out. She said she just never brought it up with his mom.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> And again, what's the cheating situation?


I'll make a separate thread now to avoid confusion.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

> He talked non stop about combat etc....It is a huge part of his personality. Quite by total accident, I found out from his mom that NONE OF IT IS TRUE. Oh yeah, he was a marine, she said, for a couple of months and was medically discharged. He didn't go overseas or serve any combat or any of that. Certainly didn't "watch his friends" die and all that. He had everyone fooled...his exwife, his children, his best friends....


Whenever someone talks way too much about their combat experiences, it's often a red flag to me that they were either never in the service, in briefly then discharged, or they were a desk jockey. 

Most combat veterans don't talk about it way too much. Maybe once in awhile, but it's not their whole life. In fact many want to put the thoughts behind them.

I am not a talk therapist or a counselor, I am a neuro psychiatrist. So, this is only my personal experience with combat vets.


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## Mike11 (Aug 25, 2011)

What Thorburn says is the absolute truth, as an ex military myself of which I was injured in active service in the middle east I can very much attest for it, People who see horrible things usually are "shell shocked" and tend to bottle up any of the horrible scenes they have witnessed, I can attest to that from personal experience 

I have seen all these "Comando" type story tellers, hell I even know one personally, they tell stories to mainly stroke their self importance and low self esteem, the one I know keeps telling these stories even in front of people who are REAL ex special forces and you can see the look of contempt on these people faces when they hear the inconsistencies but prefer to not say one thing about it from pity

these are habitual lairs who really believe in the stories they tell and live them


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

To my mind it is unlikely that this guy is a Vet because as has already been pointed out the tend not tell such stories in front of their wife...

but while it is unlikely it is not impossible. People are different, aren't they? If there is the slightest possibility that he is a real Vet I would try not to hurt his feelings.

I think Thorburns advice is good.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Oh I think this guy served for a few weeks. His mother's story that he did not make it through basic training and was given a medical discharge after three weeks is something I encounter on a regular basis in the work I do. But he would not be considered a Vet if he served after Sept. 1980. He would have had to served 180 days or had an injury in basic training. Folks that served prior to about Sept 7 1980, (even for one day) can receive medical benefits through the VA, but not much more. Those that served after 1980 don't recieve even health benefits from the VA unless it is service connected.

I actually went off on a guy in one of my group sessions when he started talking about getting PTSD from a drill sergeant yelling at him in basic training. He has been filling disability claims through the VA for this and keeps getting denied. Here I am holding group session with several combat Veterans and this turkey brings up his file and says, "I got PTSD", he goes on to tell us that he served in the Marines, but never left the states. When he brought his file out to show us his rejection letters from the VA, he had a new application in this file and that is when I went off on him. I told him if I died today my ghost would come back and kick him in his arse. I said stop filing these claims, you are one of the reasons that there is a backlog in disability claims in the VA.

I have a guy who has been coming here for a while and has not produced any proof of combat. Every time I tell his counselor where he could go and get this proof, the counselor defends this guy and says, "I know he served in combat by what he says", and I say, "You say this because you don't want to be embarrassed, but his story stinks and there are too many ways to get this proof and he has an excuse that every record has been lost". In fact I spoke to our supervisor about this and we are in the process of checking his service record.

Man I hate liars.

This is one hugh red flag in addition to some of the other things the OP has done as far as possibly cheating. Either way it is horrible behavior.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> To my mind it is unlikely that this guy is a Vet because as has already been pointed out the tend not tell such stories in front of their wife...
> 
> but while it is unlikely it is not impossible. People are different, aren't they? If there is the slightest possibility that he is a real Vet I would try not to hurt his feelings.
> I think Thorburns advice is good.


His mother told me he was never in combat and only was in basic training from what she could remember not even 6 months. It would have been around 1988. 

Then I contacted This Aint Hell. They smoke out phony soldiers or embellished records. They got enough records that showed he was enlisted for 3 months. No combat, medals, injuries, etc. It basically matched up with his mom's story. He is basically an embellished record. 

I think both of these sources are pretty strong.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

You can help him if you want, but be sure to help yourself first. And seeing what he is losing from this problem (you) maybe all of the motivation he needs to seek that help.

Good luck. Amazing story.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Oh I think this guy served for a few weeks. His mother's story that he did not make it through basic training and was given a medical discharge after three weeks is something I encounter on a regular basis in the work I do. But he would not be considered a Vet if he served after Sept. 1980. He would have had to served 180 days or had an injury in basic training. Folks that served prior to about Sept 7 1980, (even for one day) can receive medical benefits through the VA, but not much more. Those that served after 1980 don't recieve even health benefits from the VA unless it is service connected.
> 
> .


Your right. He apparently served 3 months in 1988. It would have been about the time I lost contact with him, right after he graduated high school. I guess that is just basic training? Shows he was discharged doesn't say why. Only shows being in CA at base. Does not show being sent anywhere, or medals or injuries or anything. 
His mother told me he was medically discharged.

It is horrible behavior. It is CRAZY. I find I am in a mindset where I am sitting watching this whole thing. Don't really know what to do yet. Last night he was going off about the new guy at work who was a marine but didn't do any combat, so him and the other marine at work are getting sick of him. And he told this guy he shouldn't talk because he doesn't know what it's like to be in combat and he should stop bragging about being a marine for just a few months. My god this is just crazy!!!!!Who does this? A psychopath??? Calling out and confronting another guy about his minimal service when you are complete fake?? 

I really don't know the words to use on this with him. As I said, back when I only had the words of his mother, I was very gentle. I feel like by doing that I was giving him an out and a way to save face. But he didn't take it. So now I don't know what strategy to use. 

TO ALL WOMEN OUT THERE BE CAREFUL of guys who seem to talk too much about their military service. If you find you are attracted to men just for that reason, then you need to check yourself and really pay attention!! Some men use these stories because IT WORKS in getting some women's attention and adoration!And a sterling record in military service automatically makes women think he's probably honest and of good character. This is a perfect ruse. Not only gets attention but immediately removes any inclination to doubt their honesty on other things....LIKE CHEATING. It does not always mean women are stupid or naïve....why would you doubt someone who says these things??? They are CON ARTISTS.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If he's a vet, he has a DD214 and he'll be able to put his hands on it. This is especially true if he has a service connected disability. I wouldn't outright accuse the guy of lying based on the results of some website. Even military records databases can get screwed up, which is why we are admonished to maintain our own copies of important documents. There is no more important document to a vet than a DD214. I've served over 31 years (so far). I'll talk a little about combat with other vets but that's the last thing I want to discuss with my wife or civilians. People who tell lies that serve no real purpose have severe character issues and I wouldn't expect them to be truthful when the chips were down, the truth hard to say, and weighty matters depended on the truth.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Every time I see a guy in those army fatigues, I just imagine how much tail they're getting.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Military Separation Codes - Alphabetical

Here is a list of the old separation codes.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> If he's a vet, he has a DD214 and he'll be able to put his hands on it. This is especially true if he has a service connected disability. I wouldn't outright accuse the guy of lying based on the results of some website. Even military records databases can get screwed up, which is why we are admonished to maintain our own copies of important documents. There is no more important document to a vet than a DD214. I've served over 31 years (so far). I'll talk a little about combat with other vets but that's the last thing I want to discuss with my wife or civilians. People who tell lies that serve no real purpose have severe character issues and I wouldn't expect them to be truthful when the chips were down, the truth hard to say, and weighty matters depended on the truth.


I agree on everything you said.

Sorry for repeating myself. He is not acting like a typical Vet. He may nevertheless be one. His mother might be lying because she does not like you (like he said) and I would not trust a website that much.
That is why I would doublecheck that he is really no Vet before I would accuse him of anything. If he is a real one he might be pretty devasted.

Having said that: I assume he is a con.

The fact that he wants to confront that guy at his work reminds me of that fake native american Nasdijj who would confront people about being not true to native american values.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

MrK said:


> Every time I see a guy in those army fatigues, I just imagine how much tail they're getting.


:lol::iagree:


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> If he's a vet, he has a DD214 and he'll be able to put his hands on it. This is especially true if he has a service connected disability. I wouldn't outright accuse the guy of lying based on the results of some website. Even military records databases can get screwed up, which is why we are admonished to maintain our own copies of important documents. There is no more important document to a vet than a DD214. I've served over 31 years (so far). I'll talk a little about combat with other vets but that's the last thing I want to discuss with my wife or civilians. People who tell lies that serve no real purpose have severe character issues and I wouldn't expect them to be truthful when the chips were down, the truth hard to say, and weighty matters depended on the truth.


I'm glad to know this. I should be careful you're right. The document from the people at the site was a form 99 or something (can't read that small number) sent after a formal request to the National Personnel Records Center in St Louis, specifically requesting details and requesting all documents on OMPF. The document they received back was an NA 13164 from the National Archives and Records Administration, who sent that along with a copy of his Chronological Record 1070 (which appears to be a copy of an old paper)


I can't get the DD214 because we aren't married yet. In fact, it was this that made me start putting it off last year. I hope I didn't confuse anyone by calling him my DH, we act like a married couple and live our lives like a married couple. I did ask him if he could get it, actually his mother told me to tell him to get it after I told her he said she was lying. She did not like being called a liar. I regreted having to tell her that, but I deserve the truth and somebody is lying. When I requested to him he get his DD214, he didn't do it. I said if you feel like your mother would do that to me, wouldn't you be mad at her and call her out on it and immediately get a DD214 to show me? But he didn't. 

He has a file here full of military papers. But he does NOT have a DD214 in there. I've looked through them. He's got several things from enlisting and basic training and everything, but NOTHING about discharge, or any documents about being overseas, combat, injuries, awards.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

To me this is a deal breaker situation. I think he needs to either prove himself or I would not stay with him.


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## PappyJack (Nov 1, 2013)

OK, just a few points, please.
He is a veteran. He is an ex marine.
That's by your account.
He will have a DD214. It will tell when he left, and by your information it will tell he left for medical reasons.

Also by your account, he is not a combat veteran.
The stories will probably be ones he heard from the combat vets around him.
Old and young non-coms like to tell stories, either about themselves or stories they heard when they were boots.
That's all pretty common.
I know dozens of fake hero types. Something you meet when you work with the public, or have a lot of co-workers.
It's not all that uncommon, and never has been.
Guys who worked for the FBI or CIA are a dime a dozen in any bar.
Actual guys who worked for the Bureau or the company are usually reticent about talking about it.
It means he felt unimportant, and wanted to feel better.
That's about it.
Now real combat vets who despise him are of course right in doing so.
But don't try to read anything more than blow hard into it.

I would be very interested in why he 'medical-ed out' 
3 months is not basic, that's A-school or specialist training, unless they held him for something.
I've had a couple friends leave the military like that. 
One was bed wetting, and the Navy bounced him at 62 days. He had emotional problems and would be a curse on any wife. He's now a hobo, excuse me, homeless.
The other was a compulsive liar and con-man. US army kicked him out on a psych discharge. 
He tells great stories...
Both are non-dangerous and pretty incompetent in life.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

PappyJack said:


> OK, just a few points, please.
> He is a veteran. He is an ex marine.
> That's by your account.
> He will have a DD214. It will tell when he left, and by your information it will tell he left for medical reasons.
> ...


I respect your opinion. And while I agree it may be non-dangerous, I don't feel it's non-damaging. I feel this big of a lie is damaging to me, and others close to him. 

I guess I would ask people to imagine what it would feel like if your wife was a teacher. She talked about teaching all the time, she talked about certain kids and certain coworkers, and you went along, never actually driving to the school to check she was a teacher.
And then suddenly you found out not only was she not a teacher, but all the people she talked about weren't real, all the people you felt like you knew because she had talked about them so much. All the times she had based decisions that effected you on her role as a teacher. All the things she said "you would never understand" because you had never been a teacher. All the times you comforted her about some problem she had with a student or a coworker, only to find out it didn't exist. 

He does more than tell big stories. He makes it a major aspect of his very personality and being.


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## ladywillow (Oct 31, 2013)

This thread irritates me. 

My H served in the military and what a lot of these posters, especially the vets, say about it is true. He has NEVER talked to me about anything he saw or did and it is clear black and white where he was and when he entered and left. The DD 214 is clearly there. I guess I sort of understand why men do this but it doesn't seem right. He's basing a large part of his personality on a lie...and lies don't make good foundations for relationships, especially marriages.

Sorry that you're here!


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

It's really tough. 

Nobody ever wants to assume someone is lying about military service. Even with evidence, it feels very difficult to confront. There is that lingering "what if" he's telling the truth. 

I keep making a list in my mind. 

Here are the things that validate his story or some of it:
1. His own words
2. The documents in his possession at least showing enlistment. 

Here are the things that do not validate with his story:
1. His mom

2. The OMFP and 1070 obtained from the people on that website

3. He possesses no DD214 or any documents concerning discharge, injuries, stations overseas.

4. He needs health care and claims to be able to use VA but does not. Had me drop him off at VA then walked to a different hospital to use their ER for a nonemergency neck pain. Even though he claims to have been shot and deafened, he can't use VA. 

5. No contact or relationships with all these Marine buddies he speaks of. Ex wife had never met any of them either, or heard them on the phone although he would claim to have run into them or talked to them on the phone. Me neither. 

6. Says he served 6 years, but during that time there is documentation of things here like speeding tickets, a lawsuit for unpaid rent on an apt during this time. He claims to have been back on leave during speeding tickets. Claims it was his gf at the time
who screwed up their apt lease while he was gone. Even though court document show he was served at work at a car dealership.

7. Ah I forgot something big. He tells everybody his father was a Vietnam vet marine and had lost his leg over there. His mother (they are divorced) said no that's not true, he limps cause he's old and out of shape. She said his father was an army reservist and was never in Vietnam, wasn't even during Vietnam I think. Saw his father in shorts just last month, and the guy definitely has two legs.

8. Acts hard of hearing in bars or loud areas and loudly proclaims to waitresses that they will have to forgive him because he is a marine who lost his hearing in combat. But only around women waitresses. Come to think of it I have never seen him do this with male waiters. And he does not act deaf any other time. 

9. Oh, this one. Has a tattoo of diamonds around his arm that he says he got in the marines and that each one represents a "verified kill" from being a sniper. Anybody ever heard of anything like this??


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

This guy isn't a liar, he's sick. And even if he wasn't sick when he started, he is now. He may even really be living this invented life of his. He may believe it.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I work for the VA and here is something from the VA website.

*Most Veterans who enlisted after September 7, 1980, or entered active duty after October 16, 1981, must have served 24 continuous months or the full period for which they were called to active duty in order to be eligible. This minimum duty requirement may not apply to Veterans who were discharged for a disability incurred or aggravated in the line of duty, for a hardship or “early out,” or those who served prior to September 7, 1980. Since there are a number of other exceptions to the minimum duty requirements, VA encourages all Veterans to apply so that we may determine their enrollment eligibility.*


So, a Veteran who served prior to Sept 7, 1980, if they get booted out during basic training and served only one day, they may be elgible for VA health care. 

I will tell you with almost 100% certainty that your H is not elgible due to being medically discharged during his time in basic and never met the minimum duty requirements. That is why he did not go to the VA hospital for treatment.

Every two weeks I have group sessions at a VA hospital on two locked psych units. These folks have severe psychiatric issues. Every time it visit I have Veterans tell me about their combat experience. They are very convincing stories. Then when I check their records the following day on my computer I sort out the truth. Just about every visit I have someone tell a BS story and when I go into their record it shows that they lied. I had one guy tell me that he was in Vietnam with the Marines in 1975 and told me what unit he served with there. I told him he is giving me a BS story. The Marines left Vietnam in March 1973 (for the most part). There were some small Marine units after that time but his "unit" was not there. Then he shifted his story to being in North Korea in 1975, I called him out on that and then he said he was in Panama in 1975. I told him BS, Panama was 1989 to 1990, I said tell someone else your BS story, cause I am not buying it.

You can request a copy of his DD 214 by filling out a Standard Form 180, request for military records. You can also request his medical and personnel records on the same form. 

If your husband questions you about it, just tell him you need it to file for VA benefits, that you heard you may be elgible to recieve and you need these documents to file the application.


By the way where did he say he served?


Tatoos for kills - not sure.

Sniper school is one of the toughest schools out there. 60 % fail this school in the Marines. Similar failure rates for the Army's sniper school.

Two of my friends went to the Army sniper school and graduated. Keep in mind that these guys were members of the Army National Guard and only two Guard members were allowed to go each year. That is two out of 50 states and 4 territories. These two guys selected me to go the following year. So I could have gone, but I declined. They were two of the best shooters I ever met and they were willing to work with me to get me ready. They really pushed me hard to accept going to the sniper school. It just was not for me.

This story that your husband is telling is just so unreal.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

sedona said:


> I feel like I'm literally in the twilight zone.


I got a weird feeling when you mentioned that phrase. I remember the TV show named "Twilight Zone" and it had an episode where a marine was seeing nightmares about his dead soldier pals from the past and they literally came alive every time he saw the nightmares.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Uhh you need you need to get out of that relationship ASAP or at least when the shock wears off. The guy sounds like a scumbag and seeing how youre posting in this section im assuming he's a cheater on top of that.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Sedona, I am a vet, I also work in law enforcement as an officer. Regardless where your story needs to be it sounds like he is on his way to cheat. His need for attention is disgusting. Like myself and others who have seen and been around the worst of the worst, will not discuss those things. It's hard enough to deal with it personally, mush less talk about it to people who don't have a clue. I tell my wife and a few close family members some of the things that I have been through. But I won't talk about, to others again it serves zero purpose other than to make you cool and receive sympathy. 

I would drop this guy like a bad habit, first off he is a liar, second he is dragging the good names of many vets, not mention the Marines who have served with honor, and live with the horrible everyday. There is no telling what he would do or say at this point to keep you around. BTW, when a mother tells you he is full of it, I would listen. Go find a guy who is real, he has issues far beyond what you know. I would think you would want to be with someone who is real. Use this as a learning experience and walk. Plenty of real heroes out there looking for a real family, and create real memories. Good luck. Notice is say "REAL" a lot. Trying to drive that home.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I do not agree on your opinion that Vets are all the same.
I am not a Vet but my husband is. He is very withdrawn and does not talk to anybody about anything. Small wonder he does not talk about his service. He does not like talking at all.

I am not a Vet but if I were a Vet I would talk about the things I saw because that is what I am like. I talk about things and that is how I cope. People are different.

I happened to meet a talkative Vet. I talked with him about my husband and he told me some really scary things he had seen. It is nothing I wish to write about here because it will drag everybody down.

Now... the more I learn about OPs husband the surer I am he is a fake.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I'm a Purple Heart recipient from OIF III. I was just a National Guardsman but served with Marines. As soon as his Marine co-worker finds out about his lying, oh boy, it may get ugly. Unfortunately, you see a lot of phonies nowadays because being a veteran is a cool thing. And the poster above me is correct. I rarely share the bad stuff that happened to me with my wife. I think we have an understanding that she knows I almost died, and the details of what I have seen or had happen to me are irrelevant. Also, if he is lying about his military record, he could be lying about everything else, to include fidelity.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Attention seeker. Creating a fake persona because he finds his own not interesting and adventurous enough. Low self esteem needing praise and admiration.
Tactfully guide him into IC. 
How is he towards you otherwise?


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

IMT, I was not speaking for everyone, but I was speaking about the majority. There are a lot of Vets' who are very talkative about their experiences in the military. I always talk about the places I have been, the really good things that I learned and the many great people I have met from all walks of life. These are the things most men and women talk about. But when it comes to the ugly things that people do to one another, it's best left out of the conversation. The reason I say this is it can be a buzz kill. 

I had a situation where my wife had invited quite a few friends over for a dinner and drinks. They were all interested in what I do. You know the normal, how fast can you go before you get a ticket, kind of questions. My wife then said tell them about all the guys you had to tussle with. I replied "I don't want to talk about that". She asked "why not". Because I don't, that's not appropriate. For one thing it would put my department in a bad light, another I don't want people to think of me that way. I did however push the conversation to funny things as to not embarrass her. 

For me when I talk about those things, it would be to her or another lawdog. It triggers me to those times, because if you have to fight someone you have already lost. Cops are about getting the situation under control by talking, fighting is the last resort. The reason I say all this is probably this guy is looking for attention, I get it for what I do and people by nature are curious about those things, this person knows it, that's why he does it.

In the end we all like to talk about our experiences, but I think for regular conversation, the horrid situations are better left in the closet. This is just MHO.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

MrK said:


> This guy isn't a liar, he's sick. And even if he wasn't sick when he started, he is now. He may even really be living this invented life of his. He may believe it.


I know. I've thought of this and it's surreal.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> So, a Veteran who served prior to Sept 7, 1980, if they get booted out during basic training and served only one day, they may be elgible for VA health care.
> 
> I will tell you with almost 100% certainty that your H is not elgible due to being medically discharged during his time in basic and never met the minimum duty requirements. That is why he did not go to the VA hospital for treatment.
> 
> ...


Just to re-clarify, we are not yet married. I don't think I could get his 214. 

He enlisted after 1980, in '88, right out of high school. It appears he was there June -Sept. 

He claims to have served in Panama, Iraq, Somalia. And to have been in Kuwait. Claims to have done cold weather training in Okinawa. And to have been to Korea, and Thailand.

Also, unrelated to military, claims to have been in Amsterdam with an old gf Kathy whom he spoke of so much it made me mad. I do not think he was ever in Amsterdam, further more, I do not even think Kathy is real. His ex told me he always tried to make her jealous with Kathy too and even claimed to have went to Mexico with Kathy on his friend Kelly's boat, during a time he and Ex were broken up, but that she had never seen her. After discussing his military lies, we both concluded that Kathy is also probably not real. And neither is Kelly. He always told us Kelly was a Navy Seal buddy he served with . He spoke of Kelly constantly. There is an entire story for Kelly, with a wife and everything. 

Ex did say once they were at a bank parking lot, and DH suddenly said "there is Kathy" and pointed out a woman walking into the bank. But ex says it could have been anyone. 

Tattoo..."confirmed kills" that's the term he uses. 

Sniper school...he is good with guns. But I don't know. I don't know how good. I've only seen him shoot a couple of times and I don't kow enough about guns to know much about it.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

MrK said:


> This guy isn't a liar, he's sick. And even if he wasn't sick when he started, he is now. He may even really be living this invented life of his. He may believe it.





sedona said:


> I know. I've thought of this and it's surreal.


Walter Mitty type.


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## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

sedona said:


> Claims to have done cold weather training in Okinawa.


Currently home on emergency leave but I'm stationed in Camp Schwab, Okinawa. I've been a Marine infantryman since 1990 and there is no cold weather training in Okinawa.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

sedona said:


> Just to re-clarify, we are not yet married. I don't think I could get his 214.
> 
> He enlisted after 1980, in '88, right out of high school. It appears he was there June -Sept.
> 
> ...


Anyone with this level of "imagination" is seriously, deeply, profoundly troubled. Perhaps a pathological liar. Or maybe clinically delusional, and believes these things are true. 

Either way, is this someone you want to spend your life with? You aren't even married yet, and there are huge red flags. The largest of which, perhaps, is that you no longer trust his version of his life story, military service, relationship history, or much of anything else about him. Even if you found out today that everything he's said is true, he still has crappy boundaries with women and seems to operate on a different moral compass from yours. I don't think the two of you need to be married to one another. There's just too many issues to think that a healthy marriage could spring from this dysfunctional relationship.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

Rottdad42 said:


> Sedona, Go find a guy who is real, he has issues far beyond what you know. I would think you would want to be with someone who is real. Use this as a learning experience and walk. Plenty of real heroes out there looking for a real family, and create real memories. Good luck. Notice is say "REAL" a lot. Trying to drive that home.


This makes me sad. Because it's likely true.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Sedona, therapists will tell you that in every relationship where one of the people is unhealthy, there are actually two unhealthy people, because healthy, well-adjusted people will not stay with someone who is dysfunctional.

This man sounds dangerously delusional. His military fantasies, including death and killing in graphic detail, means he spends serious time thinking about acting out these kinds of things. He's running these scenarios in his head over and over.

I think this goes beyond just weird. I think you may very well be in danger from a person like this. Please get away from him as soon as humanly possible.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

Hortensia;5375665 said:


> Attention seeker. Creating a fake persona because he finds his own not interesting and adventurous enough. Low self esteem needing praise and admiration.Tactfully guide him into IC.
> How is he towards you otherwise?


Bingo. 

Otherwise? If you read my other posts you'll start to get some idea of the issues. But otherwise....
Good things: he's a hard worker. He (usually) loves being around me and loves me being with him. He's abundantly affectionate with me, as am I with him. Sex is good and plentiful. He's exactly my "type"....big and rugged and masculine; and he says I'm exactly his, girly girl and cuddly and all that. Loves spending time with his daughter but lately I'm questioning his parenting. Fun to be around. We are compatible this way too because I'm kind of shy and mischievous and he's charismatic and has a larger-than-life presence... kind of opposites attract dynamic, we laugh a lot. We enjoy similiar things. We have a shared history (as teenagers). Believe it or not he was an absolute gem to me back then. He would have NEVER lied to me or hurt me. He's changed. 

But his issues are big. The more I type and see it in black and white the more I see. I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone, so being here is kind of eye opening.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> Sedona, therapists will tell you that in every relationship where one of the people is unhealthy, there are actually two unhealthy people, because healthy, well-adjusted people will not stay with someone who is dysfunctional.
> 
> This man sounds dangerously delusional. His military fantasies, including death and killing in graphic detail, means he spends serious time thinking about acting out these kinds of things. He's running these scenarios in his head over and over.
> 
> I think this goes beyond just weird. I think you may very well be in danger from a person like this. Please get away from him as soon as humanly possible.




I don't know what my deal is. Because the whole thing has unraveled slowly? And is just now unraveling quicker? And it's so bizarre I don't know what to do, so it's better to stay in denial? or what I need from him and am getting from him is beating out my own common sense? (ETA: because I've been too focused on the possibility he's cheating, but it may not even be that? Major distraction.) I'm in denial/shock/disbelief? All of the above? 

I don't know. But I rarely act rash. Even when I should. So this is typical of me. Unhealthy as it may be. 

I do not think he would stop me from leaving if I wanted. I think he is too selfish and would be afraid of getting trouble...his own self preservation. I don't know about if I outed him all over the place....I could see him being more of a psychological terrorist rather than a physical abuser. But who knows. The stuff he says is disturbing. 

I think what hortensia said is my best course of action. Gently get him into counseling. I am able to persuade him a lot, I'm not entirely powerless. I won't even necessarly focus it entirely on military stuff when I suggest it. At the same time get myself into some while I clear my head.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

I hope for the best for you. But remember, you have someone on your hands who was not ordered into war and spent years involuntarliy killing people - he's doing it all day in his mind, hon.


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## amr1977 (Mar 2, 2013)

sedona said:


> He talked non stop about combat etc....It is a huge part of his personality.


I would say 95% of guys like this are full of sh*t. I am active duty and have been in for over 8 years - Army, not Marines - and just got back from Afghanistan a few months ago. I don't know a single soldier who has been in combat and brags about it. I am sure they exist, since this world is chock full of turds, but I just assume anyone who I hear run their mouth either:

A: Never served at all.

or

B: Had some pogue MOS and never left the FOB if they deployed at all.

I don't even tell my wife a lot of what happened over there much less random clowns at a bar. Hell, I don't even tell people I am in the military at all unless someone directly asks me what I do.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Also, don't think this is going to be limited just to war stories and imaginary girlfriends:

Psychopathy and Pathological Lying - The Almost Effect™


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> Also, don't think this is going to be limited just to war stories and imaginary girlfriends:
> 
> Psychopathy and Pathological Lying - The Almost Effect™


It's not just military stuff. He has other disturbing stories that probably aren't even true.

What do you make of this also: the other day we almost got in an argument. Can't remember what. It's wasn't that big of a deal. We kind of made up and went to bed and were talking. Then he told me I was "a dangerous creature". I thought that was weird. He was calm, we weren't mad anymore. Like HE was afraid of ME? 

I think I am just about the only woman in 20+ years of his bs to figure all of his stuff is lies. At least, probably the only woman he has felt really connected to to figure it out. It made me think maybe he IS afraid of me for that reason. Which means I should really be afraid of him.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

sedona said:


> It's not just military stuff. He has other disturbing stories that probably aren't even true.
> 
> What do you make of this also: the other day we almost got in an argument. Can't remember what. It's wasn't that big of a deal. We kind of made up and went to bed and were talking. Then he told me I was "a dangerous creature". I thought that was weird. He was calm, we weren't mad anymore. Like HE was afraid of ME?
> 
> I think I am just about the only woman in 20+ years of his bs to figure all of his stuff is lies. At least, probably the only woman he has felt really connected to to figure it out. It made me think maybe he IS afraid of me for that reason. Which means I should really be afraid of him.


A delusional person will fight desperately to keep their imagined world intact. You can't just come barrelling in with the truth - they take that as a very real threat on an imaginary life. In exposing him you will literally bring his world down around him.

Be really careful around a person who lives in his own imagination.


BTW, what other kinds of stories? Of him being abused? Suffering hardship as a child? It's all part of the same script.


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> A delusional person will fight desperately to keep their imagined world intact. You can't just come barrelling in with the truth - they take that as a very real threat on an imaginary life. In exposing him you will literally bring his world down around him.
> 
> Be really careful around a person who lives in his own imagination.
> 
> ...


Stories of him being involved with very dangerous people and witnessing and participating in violence. 

Stories of almost dying as a baby due to some rare blood thing. I've never asked his mom. 

Stories of almost dying from various medical things, like an almost heart attack. 

Stories of having to pay his mother rent and basically support her and him, back when we were together as teens. I don't remember him doing that. His mom says no he didn't. 

Stories of being molested by a neighbor as a young teenager. Who knows if it's true. 

I know he didn't "suffer hardship as child", because I knew him and his family. They had a nice house in a nice neighborhood, plenty of money, popular and had normal friends. 

Stories of his family being dangerous and important. Well I've met most of them and I'm not impressed. Seems like my own family type of people. Just regular. 

Stories of basically having lived a real bad a$$, anti-social existence. 

Stories of off the norm sexual relationships. Like a gf who let him have another gf and things like that. 

I was born in a strange location, in America. Guess what? He tells me his exwife was born there too!! But he forgot he had already once told me his exwife was born in Germany. Who knows? I KNOW she wasn't born where I was born, it's just too unusual. 

Anytime I have a story, or some fact about myself, like where I was born, he will try to top it. It's even like he can't wait for me to finish my stories so he can top them. 

That's just off the top of my head. 

About the big Amsterdam story. I already thought it was bs, but the story always goes that he went there with Imaginary Kathy and he had his days free cause she was in conferences. The other day he was telling a story that he was lured by a girl in Denmark to a place where some guys then jumped him. I said "why were you hanging around with a girl, while your gf was at work conferences?" He got this weird look, I know he had forgotten he had told me he was there with "Kathy". He said Kathy didnt' care, she was cool with it, they had an open relationship. I said "and why did you go to Denmark if you were in Amsterdam??!!" he got this other weird look and said "why not go to Denmark?!" I said "because half of the Netherlands, Germany, and the North Sea are between Amsterdam and Denmark. You just hopped over there while your gf was at a conference for a couple of hours?" He effed up, probably thought Denmark was over the border. He changed the subject. 


F***ing Denmark....

I even think he has created a lot of stories around me, to other people. That means that there are crazy stories he has told people about me and he has a life not just in the past, but currently, that other people probably think is true. 

Again, this is all stuff that as I said, has slowly unraveled over 3 years. When I put it all in one page, it looks so incredibly crazy.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Characteristics[edit]

The defining characteristics of pseudologia fantastica are:
1.The stories told are not entirely improbable and often have some element of truth. They are not a manifestation of delusion or some broader type of psychosis: upon confrontation, the teller can admit them to be untrue, even if unwillingly.
2.The fabricative tendency is long lasting; it is not provoked by the immediate situation or social pressure as much as it is an innate trait of the personality.
3.A definitely internal, not an external, motive for the behavior can be discerned clinically: e.g., long-lasting extortion or habitual spousal battery might cause a person to lie repeatedly, without the lying being a pathological symptom.[2]
4.The stories told tend toward presenting the liar favorably. For example, the person might be presented as being fantastically brave, knowing or being related to many famous people.

Pseudologia fantastica may also present as false memory syndrome, where the sufferer genuinely believes that fictitious events have taken place, regardless that these events are fantasies. The sufferer may believe that he or she has committed superhuman acts of altruism and love or has committed equally grandiose acts of diabolical evil, for which the sufferer must atone, or has already atoned for in her/his fantasies.

Pathological liars[edit]

Lying is the act of both knowingly and intentionally/willfully making a false statement.[4] Most people do so out of fear.[5] Pathological lying is considered a mental illness, because it takes over rational judgment and progresses into the fantasy world and back.[6]

Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental illnesses. For instance people who suffer from antisocial personality disorder use lying to exploit others. Some individuals with borderline personality disorder lie for attention by claiming they’ve been treated poorly (though it is not diagnostic).[7] Pathological lying, on the other hand, can be described as a habituation of lying. It is when an individual consistently lies for no personal gain. The lies are commonly transparent and often seem rather pointless.[8]

There are many consequences of being a pathological liar. Due to lack of trust, most pathological liars' relationships and friendships fail. If the disease continues to progress, lying could become so severe as to cause legal problems, including but not limited to fraud.[9]

Psychotherapy appears to be one of the only methods to treat a person suffering from pathological lying. No research has been performed regarding the use of pharmaceutical medication to treat pathological liars.[9] Some research suggests that certain people may have a “predisposition to lying”.[10]

Pathological lying is a complex phenomenon, differing from other mental illnesses. It has many life-changing consequences for those who must live with the illness. Currently, there is not enough research in the area of pathological lying to guarantee a cure.[9]


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Characteristics[edit]
> 
> The defining characteristics of pseudologia fantastica are:
> 1.The stories told are not entirely improbable and often have some element of truth. They are not a manifestation of delusion or some broader type of psychosis: upon confrontation, the teller can admit them to be untrue, even if unwillingly.
> ...


To sum up: RUN FOR THE HILLS. Your entire life with him has been a lie. He is NOT who you think he is.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Sedona, I'm not in your shoes, but when I read these things that he has relayed to you about his experiences, it doesn't have any merit. What a lot of guys are saying, along with myself, we don't talk about the really awful things. It serves zero purpose in normal conversation. Normal people won't comment about having to end someones life. For people who have done this, you are different for the rest of your days, trust me. You need to find a healthy relationship, void of these unrealistic stories. There is no solid foundation you can build on. He will break your heart in so many ways, if he hasn't already. You won't be able to mend and if you do leave, he might have sabotaged your future relationships with cynicism or doubt. Not a good way to be. Please let go and find someone worthy of your goodness. Much luck to you, this will not be easy.


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## NewSedona (Oct 16, 2015)

I'm Sedona the OP of this thread. I had to change my user name to NewSedona because I had forgotten which email I used to register previously. 

I remembered I had this thread and looked it up again last night. Wow. 

I left him last spring. I guess it's sad that it took me a year after posting this thread to really leave him, but at least I did. 

I am so, so much better off. Life is livable now. I can't even believe how abused I was, but I guess it's normal to not realize that until you are out of it. 

In case you are wondering, things got even worse for me after posting this thread. He never budged from his lying and other behaviors, and he actually ended up buying a gun and terrorizing me with it daily. It didn't take long to realize he was going to kill someone, by "accident" even because remember he's an alcoholic. It culminated in him shooting it in my house and a big drama, SWAT and everything shut down my neighborhood, it was a big deal. I don't know how, but he ended up getting off scott free with that. 

He still had his in claws in me. I went into domestic violence counseling immediately. I talked to police. But they gave him his guns back. Long story with that, but it was so messed up how they did that. He ended up taking a job out of town and basically moving there and wanting me to move there, and I took that opportunity to disconnect. I knew he wouldn't come back here and mess with me after he knows how lucky he was to get off with the gun incident. I don't think he'll ever even come back to this town. 

When he felt me pulling away, he got sad and desparate, but not violent. I am totally free now, but occasionally, he will find a way to call me in the middle of the night with proclamations of obsession and love for me. 

I know he is all over every sleezy hookup and dating site he can possibly find. I know he is still working the "I was a marine" angle, and I know it's working on some women. I know he's had some flings and they all think he is a poor pitiful man wounded and heartbroken by the ***** who broke his heart (me). That's his story, anyway. 

I read back through where I was then and all your responses. Wow, I am filled with such gratitude at how many rational responses I received and how so many of you patiently followed this story and listened to it and thoughtfully responded. So thank you. I'm a free woman now, and totally over him in every way. In fact, with the weather getting cooler here, I had to clean out my fireplace yesterday from all the stuff of his I had burned in it after he left. I had even forgotten I had done that. Every so often I find something of his, or something he had given me, and I immediately toss it. I want zero reminders of him. I even changed the cat's name because he is the one who named the cat.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm glad to hear that you were able to get away from him and are doing much better. Few people come back and let us know how things transpire. So thanks for doing that.

I know a guy in my life who does the same thing about lying about his military service. It's sad. He too had everyone fooled. But eventually one of this siblings could not talk it any more and she told his wife the truth. And now everyone knows. He does not talk about all that anymore when we socialize. His wife did divorce him as well.

This sort of lying is much more common than most of us realize. There used to be a guy who lived here who was very vocal about his service in the marines.. to the point of decorating his yard with things so that everyone knew that he was a marine hero. Turns out it was a lie. He'd never even served.

Again, I'm glad that you are doing so much better.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

You have a serious problem or, two. The men and woman who have served are Patriots. From reading your story, he is not. My grandfather was in the Navy, WWII. Further in that he was at the Battle at Coral Sea. The things that happened there were bad. Kamikazes, with death all around. He never talked about it to my dad. My grandfather dealt with PTSD, until he passed. My dad was in Vietnam in the Navy and stationed in the Gulf of Tonkin. He spent two weeks on land two days after the Tet offensive, manning a 50cal. Again death all around, he never talked to us about that. He did talk about generalities, the people, landscape, pleasantries you know. Myself I served in the Army during Desert Storm, Desert Shield etc.. never went to the sand box. I was however in Somalia. They made a movie about it Blackhawk Down. I was in the 10th Mountain Div. At the stadium with U.N troops. I talk about that because nothing really went bad for me there. Just being scared and. When you have an M-16, with real ammo things got real and I mean most Ricky tick. 

I guess my point is and maybe the vets here would agree.that is unsat. There is something very wrong with him. I think you should seriously consider moving on. Being with a person like that and knowing what you know, will only bring resentment and trust issues or lack thereof. You have know idea what's real. He's a liar, you know this, why stay. Good luck to you, this is not going to be easy.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

NewSedona said:


> I am totally free now, but occasionally, he will find a way to call me in the middle of the night with proclamations of obsession and love for me.


I'm glad you emotionally left and disconnected. I'm glad your head is OK.

But what abut your personal safety? Why do you not fear him? Or, I don't see that fear in your posts anyhow.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

There's a Facebook page called "Stolen Valor." Get his name added to the list.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

NewSedona,

Thankfully you got out, the lies just grow and grow, you would have had no way to tell if he was cheating on you in a year or two.

This also occurred when I was in construction, there was some men who would take the stories about what the more skilled workers did and make them their own. 

Tamat


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## NewSedona (Oct 16, 2015)

Rottdad42, I did leave him, about 7 months ago. He's gone. I'm sorry you had go through bad things in war. Thank you for being the real deal. 

Macho, idk why I don't fear him. I guess because how would I live if I walked around in constant fear. I wound fear him I needed to, and I would call the cops pronto. The few times he's called he's been nonthreatening and I hang up. It's only happened a few times. He lives 2 hrs away now. But yeah, I do keep an eye out for him or his car. Plus, he thinks I'm with someone else, someone I know he would hesitate to mess with. However he doesn't know that my relationship with that guy ended recently, so hopefully he just won't hear that I'm single again. I hadn't even considered that actually til you mentioned it. 

I thought about notifying Stolen Valor. Mostly though, I just don't want to think of him at all. I still might do it though.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

BTW marines weren't in Somalia till latter half of 92, if memory serves. I was there in 93, for a week, before 10th Mountain was recalled stateside. No way he was in country, no way.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My FIL was a Royal Marine, served in the SBS. Rarely mentions any of the operations he was involved in.


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

Thorburn said:


> I served over 39 years in the military and I served in combat. Most Vets don't share their stories with their wives. Some do, but not the way your DH does.
> 
> I a counselor that works mainly with combat Vets. We had some fake ones here in our city. One guy and his wife were promoting Vietnam Veteran issues for years. He became a prominent person up and down the East Coast for this work. He was a fraud, when a former Veteran who grew up in the same neighborhood came to an event and this fraud was the main speaker. His former neighbor called him out on his military service.
> 
> ...


That's called "stolen Valor",It might even be illegal,they should be called out. In public,I have 3 (three) Honorable discharges on my wall spanning 15 years,the better part of one in a combat zone.

Deguello


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Real deal doesn't share the sh.t with civilians. Apart from signing some documents which also discourage such talk, most decent folk don't react well to the stuff, and the ones who are most impressed are least stable. The stories vets tend to tell are odd ball stuff, not just gore (exc to therapist), because they've all seen the gore so it doesn't impress them.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

I don't think you have much to report as far as Stolen Valor is concerned. Unless you have pics or videos of him walking around in uniform. 

I know two people that are kind of like your dude. One was discharged on a medical in basic, and the other went to a military high school. To hear them talk, you would think they have medals of honor. Pisses me off.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Just a quick thread jack. I hope all my brothers and sisters, currently serving, retired or other had a great Veterans Day. I get choked up watching the programs of wounded warriors. The program James Gandolfini did on disabled vets, before he passed. A big shout thank you for your service and making a world a better place for my kiddos to grow up in. Here endeth the lesson. Back to you.


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