# He won't go down on me ?



## jennierenteria (9 mo ago)

I've been married 15years now together 18years in full and he's only gone down on me 3 times that I planned a romantic hotel night out on. he says he doesn't like it but neither do I but I do it to make him happy and I wish he did the same for me. we have two kids 15 and 6 on top of things he's upset that I'm losing weight for my self and health I'm trying to enjoy life after losing so many in 2020 to COVID and cancer so I'm 32 and want to enjoy life he's not liking any of it... we've been together for so long what can I do to relieve my sexual tension he also is against using toys wonder if I should just call it quits but the kids any suggestions?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

jennierenteria said:


> I've been married 15years now together 18years in full and he's only gone down on me 3 times that I planned a romantic hotel night out on. he says he doesn't like it but neither do I but I do it to make him happy and I wish he did the same for me. we have two kids 15 and 6 on top of things he's upset that I'm losing weight for my self and health I'm trying to enjoy life after losing so many in 2020 to COVID and cancer so I'm 32 and want to enjoy life he's not liking any of it... we've been together for so long what can I do to relieve my sexual tension he also is against using toys wonder if I should just call it quits but the kids any suggestions?


I don't really think he should have a say in whether you use toys or not. That should be up to you and if he doesn't want it done in his presence then so be it.

I don't think anyone should do anything they don't enjoy unless they really think the trade is worth it. His thinking is not the same as yours about it. Feel free to stop going down on him unless you just enjoy it for your own purposes. And definitely get yourself some toys so you can supplement your sex life.

Since you are concerned about making him happy I don't think you would be happy with the result by convincing him to do that to you knowing it repulses him. The last thing you want to do is make sex a chore for him so that he starts avoiding the whole thing more often.

He's certainly not the only guy who doesn't like it, but there are some who do.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Male here. I like it a lot, as long as the subject is fresh. Very intimate. Are y'all showering before playtime?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

jennierenteria said:


> he says he doesn't like it but neither do I but I do it to make him happy and I wish he did the same for me.


Then stop doing it. If you don't like doing it and he won't return the favor, then too bad - none for him. 

I personally wouldn't end my marriage over a lack of blowjobs and sex toys, but to each their own. For some people that sort of thing is very important and worth ending a marriage, and he doesn't seem like a great partner based on what you've written so far. 

Why is he against going down on you, you using toys, and you losing weight (I assume it's healthy weight loss)?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I agree with @bobert that ending a marriage over no BJ or an unwillingness to use toys is not right. Personally I never understood guys who don't like to go down on their girl. You start doing it to get her going but you also end up getting yourself going. It's his loss. If you're not into giving a BJ, why give them if he's not willing to reciprocate? 

Not to get all TMI but you should definitely be "fresh" if you're hoping for him to go deep sea diving. Same goes for of course goes for him. LIke @OnTheRocks said, right after a shower is best.


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't really think he should have a say in whether you use toys or not. That should be up to you and if he doesn't want it done in his presence then so be it.
> 
> I don't think anyone should do anything they don't enjoy unless they really think the trade is worth it. His thinking is not the same as yours about it. Feel free to stop going down on him unless you just enjoy it for your own purposes. And definitely get yourself some toys so you can supplement your sex life.
> 
> ...


I unund


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Deguello said:


> unund


WTF is unund?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

The beauty of sex is that there is so much variety out there that just because someone doesn't enjoy oral sex, doesn't mean that is the only pleasant thing the couple can do. 

Congratulations on loosing weight and wanting to live a fuller life. Have a serious discussion with your husband about how you feel, but drop the demands for oral sex, as he has made his feelings clear.

My suggestion is to find a yes/no/maybe list and have you both fill it out separately and then share it and discuss the sexual things you both have in the yes column. Then go to the maybe column and discuss what you would be willing to try and where your concerns are because it is not in the yes column. Finally, to better understand each others hangups and fears discuss your no column. Then agree to try some of the yes and maybe things that you have not done in a while or ever. Make sure you each understand that just because you agree to try something doesn't mean it will be done every time or even every month.

Talk to him and remind him that some things need to be tried a few times to get the technique down and if you both agree to trying something new, make sure you discuss how you can make it as pleasant as possible and to share what feels good, what feels great and how things can happen better. He just might have felt he didn't know how to do it. But his reluctance is enough to put it off the table for a long time, unless he brings it up.

Good luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@jennierenteria You were very young when you got together and had your fist child. How old where you both at that time? Might that have something to do with your situation? Were you both lacking experience when you got together?

I'm wondering if relationship counselling and perhaps a sex therapist might be able to help?

Does he have religious objections to the use of toys during sex?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Hopefully you can talk to him, but if he won't talk and won't change, then suggest counseling. If he won't do that, then stop pleasing him and see if he notices (and/or get your own toys and use them without him) and asks why - that may provide the opportunity to talk seriously when HE wants things changed. And if none of that works, yes, you can move on with a free conscience because, yes, you deserve what you want at least some of the time.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

jennierenteria said:


> he's upset that I'm losing weight for my self and health
> I'm trying to enjoy life after losing so many in 2020 to COVID and cancer so I'm 32 and want to enjoy life
> he's not liking any of it


So, apart from the sex side of it, how good would you say the relationship is generally?

Maybe work on some of the bigger issues, not BJs and toys.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I think the whole idea of I am going to hurt you by not giving oral because I don't get oral is the wrong attitude and more on the immature side. I say talk to him and ask what exactly is it about oral you don't like? 

If he says the taste, then don't take offense and try a different kind of feminine wash. If you have pubic hair, shave it off and then try the wash. And if that doesn't do it, try getting flavored lubricants. They have everything from vanilla, strawberry, chocolate and more. They even have ones that create a warming sensation that intensifies the sensation.

As far as sex toys go, I think every woman and guy needs one. It absolutely does not replace the real thing. But sometimes she is on her period, we are too tired, or whatever. But offer to go to a local adult shop or an online store together. Each one of you pick out something. Tell him you two can use them on each other or lay together on the bed and watch each other. My wife has everything from a small bullet vibrator up to a motorbunny. It's a huge turn on to watch her and sometimes join her. I encourage her to use the toys whenever and I occasionally surprise her with something new.

But you two are married, encourage him to get his freak on 😆. If you have old clothes, tell him he can handcuff you, rip them off and use the new toy on you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I think the whole idea of I am going to hurt you by not giving oral because I don't get oral is the wrong attitude and more on the immature side. I say talk to him and ask what exactly is it about oral you don't like?
> 
> If he says the taste, then don't take offense and try a different kind of feminine wash. If you have pubic hair, shave it off and then try the wash. And if that doesn't do it, try getting flavored lubricants. They have everything from vanilla, strawberry, chocolate and more. They even have ones that create a warming sensation that intensifies the sensation.
> 
> ...


Best damn answer!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I think the whole idea of I am going to hurt you by not giving oral because I don't get oral is the wrong attitude and more on the immature side. I say talk to him and ask what exactly is it about oral you don't like?
> 
> If he says the taste, then don't take offense and try a different kind of feminine wash. If you have pubic hair, shave it off and then try the wash. And if that doesn't do it, try getting flavored lubricants. They have everything from vanilla, strawberry, chocolate and more. They even have ones that create a warming sensation that intensifies the sensation.
> 
> ...


I second the toys idea. I have bought several of them for my wife as she would never buy them for herself and won't go to an adult store. She doesn't really orgasm easily so those have been the solution. I know some guys are against toys but if they get my wife into having sex more, who am I to complain?


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

There's not much you can do about it honestly, I might like something that my wife doesn't, so we can try but at the end of the day, perference and comfort takes priority over everything else. If its that important to you, you should tell him that it is, and maybe he can make an effort. As for the toys thing, I mean if you want to use it on yourself, I don't understand why he would have a problem with it, live and let live.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

jennierenteria said:


> I've been married 15years now together 18years in full and he's only gone down on me 3 times that I planned a romantic hotel night out on. he says he doesn't like it but neither do I but I do it to make him happy and I wish he did the same for me. we have two kids 15 and 6 on top of things he's upset that I'm losing weight for my self and health I'm trying to enjoy life after losing so many in 2020 to COVID and cancer so I'm 32 and want to enjoy life he's not liking any of it... we've been together for so long what can I do to relieve my sexual tension he also is against using toys wonder if I should just call it quits but the kids any suggestions?


I will say calling it quits might not be a bad idea. You are still young and can start over more easily. I am many years older than you and I am stuck in the decision to leave over a crappy sex life and lose a lot in other ways or just bear with it. The other part of course is being older and wondering if there are indeed many women my age who would enjoy sex to the degree I want to.

No means to threadjack and I hope others won't reply to my post accordingly but just wanted to say leaving may not be all that bad if you are indeed unhappy.

Don't wait to become older and bitter about your marriage like I am.

Good luck!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

OnTheRocks said:


> Male here. I like it a lot, as long as the subject is fresh. Very intimate. Are y'all showering before playtime?


This.

Not to get too...TMI...but I have had a couple of exes in my distant past who weren't...fresh. There was no way in hell I was going down on them.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

I have the opposite problem from OP. I love going down on my wife and always make sure she O's which she would do relatively quickly. Then last fall, she dropped a bomb on me when she said, "it's not my favorite." Since then, I've only gone down on her a handful of times and she doesn't seem to miss it nearly as much as I do. It's very disappointing.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

jennierenteria said:


> I've been married 15years now together 18years in full and he's only gone down on me 3 times that I planned a romantic hotel night out on. he says he doesn't like it but neither do I but I do it to make him happy and I wish he did the same for me. we have two kids 15 and 6 on top of things he's upset that I'm losing weight for my self and health I'm trying to enjoy life after losing so many in 2020 to COVID and cancer so I'm 32 and want to enjoy life he's not liking any of it... we've been together for so long what can I do to relieve my sexual tension he also is against using toys wonder if I should just call it quits but the kids any suggestions?


Almost same here.

10 years and he never did oral sex for me. I stoped doing for him, but still ddidnt help. He was my first, so it took me a long while to notice he never did foreplay and nothing like this either. I think he is a bit emotionally unavailable or somwthing, and as im very tired from kids i gave up trying.


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## damo7 (Jul 16, 2020)

jennierenteria said:


> I've been married 15years now together 18years in full and he's only gone down on me 3 times that I planned a romantic hotel night out on. he says he doesn't like it but neither do I but I do it to make him happy and I wish he did the same for me. we have two kids 15 and 6 on top of things he's upset that I'm losing weight for my self and health I'm trying to enjoy life after losing so many in 2020 to COVID and cancer so I'm 32 and want to enjoy life he's not liking any of it... we've been together for so long what can I do to relieve my sexual tension he also is against using toys wonder if I should just call it quits but the kids any suggestions?


Tell him that you want him to - trim up down there and make sure you are freshly showered. I like going down on my partner but when it tastes like urine it really puts me off


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

My wife is the opposite, won't let me do oral on her and I would do it daily if she wanted it. I can't imagine a guy saying, "no honey, no blowjob tonight for me". I would lick my any time she wanted it.

Also, nothing wrong with sex toys either, we have used them for years, many women need a toy, vibrator etc. to fully enjoy sex, nothing wrong with that. I want my wife to enjoy sex!!!!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He's certainly not the only guy who doesn't like it, but there are some who do.


Just want to assure the ladies this statement is 100% true.
If anything I have had to convince partners that is the case. They assume I can't possibly be telling the truth.

If he's not cooperative, communicative, or open in the bedroom, those are never good things for the rest of the marriage.

You also mentioned you are losing weight. Could he stand to lose some pounds as well, but isn't?


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