# Infidelity



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

HELP...So, I thought I would try one of these forums and give my story ago..so I have been married nearly 20 years...

We also have a 12 year old son...Ok, so...I have known my know hubby since middle school..we ran into each other a decade later after middle school and immediately hit it off...

First let me say, I grew up in adultry... My dad cheated on my mom...I saw that pain, then after they divorced I watched her again broken into a million pieces after the man of 8 years she was deeply in love with, cheated on her as well...

Pushing foward..My first real relationship, tho still very young was a 7 year relationship that ended due to him having multiple affairs..we lived together, luckily didn't marry or have any kids..

Again, I was still very young, and had so much ahead of me..I got out of that awful relationship, meeting my know hubby roughly 4 months later...not meeting him for the first time, but running into an old friend that quickly led to a relationship...we dated 3.5 years b4 getting married...he knew My past and my upbringing around and in the midst of infidelity my whole life...

He knew that it had caused me a ton of pain, and we talked religiously about cheating...He knew that was the one thing I just couldn't bare...He was so good to me...So loving, and nurturing...promising me he would never ever put me through that kind of pain..He would, I thought protect me, guard me, love me, and if course NEVER betray me on that level...

So I thought...so we married...Roughly 3 years or so after marriage, I became prego, with our first and only son...Best thing ever...Well...when my son was around 2, my hubby who loved me so much all of a sudden out of nowhere decided he wasn't sure if he loved me, asking me to leave while he figured things out...I was floored...hurt, abandoned, lost...grasping for air....so b4 this happened, maybe a few months prior, I found a message on his phone through Fb from an old school friend of his that simply said.....I hate this....I questioned him of course...

Of course I was over reacting, being paranoid, i was crazy etc......he even had her message me saying she had messaged the wrong person...my gut told me otherwise, but my heart wanted to belive him...ok, so my toddler and I went to stay with my mom for a week or so, eventually coming home....moving foward....3.5 years ago my hubby wakes me up at 6am wanting to talk...he was trembling, and crying...

Again, I had already had a gut feeling for roughly 6 to 8 months something was off...He was distant...I questioned him repeatedly, even asking if he was cheating many times...

Even pinpointing the girl I tht He may be cheating with, asking him directly if he and this girl were having an affair...before his confession during 6 to 8 month affair, he made me feal completely ignorant on every level...Again, he tells me he is not sure if he loves me, he again tells me I'm paranoid, that I was crazy and imaging stuff. He said Ibwas pushing him away by accusing him of adultry...well then comes the confession...

Too much pain..He told this woman he loved her, he wrote her a love letter telling her he couldn't believe someone like her was into him. He went shopping with her, went around her child in her home, bashed me and the way I dressed to this woman...he was working so much, so late, but he was with her...every chance he cld get he was with her, even chasing down a guy he thought she was seeing out of jealousy...he left me one night in tears, broken and begging him to not leave me..He said his mom gave him money for a hotel room so he cld figure sum things out...BS...he went to her, staying the night with her...so, he confesses everything...tells me everything Is gonna change, he loves me, and will spend tgecrest of his life making this up to me...He made me feal safe and loved...he told me everything I needed to hear...so, I thought, ok I can give this a go...

I love him, still do...I know he loves me too..So when he confussed, over tge course of a few days an weeks, I asked him several times about the first time I had my gut feeling, years prior with his old classmate...Asked had there been an affair...Absolutely not he said ..I just knew better, and I had to find out the truth, and so I did just that...what a nightmare...

The girl years prior, who he had message me saying she had accidentally messaged him on accident....well, they had an affair years prior...this actually being the first affair...This particular affair lasted 6 years...Omg, 6 years...with one of my sons elementary teachers wife....I spoke with the hubby, who had moved foward and re married, but the things I found out abt this 6 year affair literally broke my soul....the ex told me he caught them, via texts atleast on 3 different occasions...He even called my hubby telling him to stop seeing his wife...did they stop...hell no...the ex even tried to reach out to me, but my hubby and his wife did everything they cld to stop him from making contact with me...

I was crushed...multiple affairs, both emotionally involved affairs, telling these women he loved them...vis versa...I literally just found out all of this a year ago...the 2nd affair that he confessed too, I honestly think I could have dealt with that. Iv been in therapy...but a year later after finding out abt his 6 year affair, I'm still a mess...I hurt, I feal so betrayed on so many levels..I feal like I don't know my hubby.. The better part of our marriage was spent with him living this double life..While I took all the heat cause I was jealous, crazy, paranoid, ridiculous...

I mean, I literally felt like I was crazy...I still can't get passed it...I cry so much...im numb, and I have this gut feeling I can't shake...I am honestly lost, and don't know what to do...


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Adultery is awful isn't it. 
But why are you still with a man who clearly can't be trusted at all? I just don't get how you can ever feel safe with him again.


----------



## bricks (Aug 14, 2017)

What you husband says and what he does are two different things. Always follow what he does. He will say anything to get out of the trouble he is in. He, like all cheaters, is a skilled performer and liar.

This is not a one off thing. It's not a fling. He has done it multiple times for YEARS.

Get out. Make a plan. Consult a divorce attorney and find out what you need to do to prepare before you either move out or kick him out. Get into a support group or research on this site in the divorce section to figure out your strategy.

Don't let on for now. Stop crying, begging, discussing, or whatever you two have been doing. Move on mentally now.

Time to start looking at reality and not what you wish reality were. He's a serial cheater. You deserve better than this nonsense. He's a child. Really, how content are you in this marriage??


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Adultery is awful isn't it.
> But why are you still with a man who clearly can't be trusted at all? I just don't get how you can ever feel safe with him again.


I


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

Its horrible...Especially when you love this person...and I do love him...20 years is a long time. Again, I know he loves me too.and perhaps he may never cheat again...However, it happened...twice...He is literally a piece of me. We were supposed to live and die by one another...I have literally tried, and continue to battle in my brain what it is I should do...Loosing him would be like grieving the loss of a family member, because he is family...he is all I know...it sucks...but I battle daily with this emense pain, ups and downs, depression anxiety, hoping it will cease...praying just always praying...but at the se time, always hurting, never understanding


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

dianag78.dg said:


> Its horrible...Especially when you love this person...and I do love him...20 years is a long time. Again, I know he loves me too.and perhaps he may never cheat again...However, it happened...twice...He is literally a piece of me. We were supposed to live and die by one another...I have literally tried, and continue to battle in my brain what it is I should do...Loosing him would be like grieving the loss of a family member, because he is family...he is all I know...it sucks...but I battle daily with this emense pain, ups and downs, depression anxiety, hoping it will cease...praying just always praying...but at the se time, always hurting, never understanding





dianag78.dg said:


> I


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Actions speak louder than words. He will say whatever he has to say to keep his wife appliance and his girlfriend, because that is how he wants to live. It's up to you if that's something you can live with, but he won't stop, I'm sorry. There are no consequences when he cheats, so he will keep doing it.


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Actions speak louder than words. He will say whatever he has to say to keep his wife appliance and his girlfriend, because that is how he wants to live. It's up to you if that's something you can live with, but he won't stop, I'm sorry. There are no consequences when he cheats, so he will keep doing it.


H


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

dianag78.dg said:


> H


He has been my provider...He is the breadwinner, however he does not hold this over my head...But he has been my sole provider...I was a Stay at home mom for many years...When I did work...It wasn't for bills...he has a 401k and an investment to the side of that set up for our retirement...I yet to have a 401k...I fear I couldn't provide for myself...change is hard


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

dianag78.dg said:


> He has been my provider...He is the breadwinner, however he does not hold this over my head...But he has been my sole provider...I was a Stay at home mom for many years...When I did work...It wasn't for bills...he has a 401k and an investment to the side of that set up for our retirement...I yet to have a 401k...I fear I couldn't provide for myself...change is hard


It IS hard, and it's very scary. He has you convinced you can't take care of yourself, that you NEED him. He did that to you on purpose, so that he could treat you any way he wants and you're stuck. It's a tough choice to make, because it won't be easy. You're the only one who can say if you're more afraid of living on your own or of living the rest of your life as someone's housekeeper and plan B.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Man your post breaks my heart because you have seen and lived through so much adultery carnage. Even after knowing and discussing how important it was to you to have loyalty, he still betrayed you. A 6 year LTA is not usually something that can be overcome. We’re not talking about some drunken ONS. In such a long affair, it’s expected that he had deep feelings for this other woman.

I’m not sure if you can restore your marriage after such a betrayal but one thing is sure. DO NOT make it easy. He needs to crawl over broke glass ( metaphorically speaking of course) to prove himself and even then, I’m not sure you will really be able to get over it.

I do have to say that , I’m sensing sadness from you but not anger. I think you need to reach in and find your inner bit.. and just release the kraken. If you were my friend in real life, I would tell you to dump him. I know from your experience it seems like all of us men are incapable of remaining faithful but I’m telling that is not true. There’s a ton of guy out there who love a loving loyal woman.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

dianag78.dg said:


> Its horrible...Especially when you love this person...and I do love him...20 years is a long time. Again, I know he loves me too.and perhaps he may never cheat again...However, it happened...twice...He is literally a piece of me. We were supposed to live and die by one another...I have literally tried, and continue to battle in my brain what it is I should do...Loosing him would be like grieving the loss of a family member, because he is family...he is all I know...it sucks...but I battle daily with this emense pain, ups and downs, depression anxiety, hoping it will cease...praying just always praying...but at the se time, always hurting, never understanding


If he really loved you why would he have cheated, lied and deceived you for a large part of your marriage? Words are easy to say. His actions show otherwise.
Yes I know it's hard, I had to end my marriage after 23 years. However living with a man who acts so appallingly and who you can't ever trust is surely worse.

I am very happily married again now, have been for 16 years. There is life after divorce. A better life.

I do get it. My dad had a very long affair, both of my brother's wives cheated, other family members cheated or were cheated on, it's all around me as well, but all the more reason to recognise how disgusting all his cheating is. 
I have a decent moral man of integrity now, don't settle for a serial cheat.


----------



## bricks (Aug 14, 2017)

dianag78.dg said:


> Its horrible...Especially when you love this person...and I do love him...20 years is a long time. Again, I know he loves me too.and perhaps he may never cheat again...However, it happened...twice...He is literally a piece of me. We were supposed to live and die by one another...I have literally tried, and continue to battle in my brain what it is I should do...Loosing him would be like grieving the loss of a family member, because he is family...he is all I know...it sucks...but I battle daily with this emense pain, ups and downs, depression anxiety, hoping it will cease...praying just always praying...but at the se time, always hurting, never understanding


20 years IS a long time. You say you know he loves you, but this is NOT love. Sorry. You say you were supposed to live and die by one another. That is a dream that you will have to mourn. YES. Losing him would be grieving the loss of a family member, but this family member is making your life hell inside your own head. You say you have "literally tried". It does not matter a rat's behind how much you try if you are trying alone - and you are. Not one partner can save a marriage, but they can put themselves in the grave or ruin the lives of their children trying.

Honestly, you sound like you are looking for validation that you should stay. I stayed after infidelity. ONE instance of infidelity, not repeated over years. Everything you are saying about the pain, the anxiety, the ups and downs....I get it, been there. No amount of hoping it will cease will make it cease. You have to start putting one foot in front of the other. I think you have been dealing with this for so long you don't even know how bad it is. It will get better once you put some boundaries down between you and this serial cheater. He says he loves you. He does not know what that means, apparently. What he does is not love. Love is a choice you make when you have an opportunity to do something that will give you short term pleasure but will devastate your spouse. Love is honoring your spouse, not torturing them and lying to them and making them think they are losing their mind so you can get your jollies. 

As someone said to me when my husband was doing very similar things: "Save your marriage? You don't have a marriage."


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

bricks said:


> Love is a choice you make when you have an opportunity to do something that will give you short term pleasure but will devastate your spouse. Love is honoring your spouse, not torturing them and lying to them and making them think they are losing their mind so you can get your jollies.


Love is what I feel for this comment. This is amazing, OP, please read this over and over. There is so much truth here.


----------



## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Why does he feel the need to have affairs? What else is going on?


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

You know what to do. 

Once you come to the conclusion that you will no longer let fear dictate your actions only then (and only then) will you take the necessary action to end this nightmare.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

What everyone else posted. I’ve read quite a few of these stories on here but yours really breaks my heart.  I think you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship and your husband sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies. (This isn’t just a story about a “nice guy” who made a mistake, imo.)

I hope you can find a way out of this - change is hard but it’s worth it if on the other side, you’re living your life in a way that brings you peace and happiness.


----------



## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Talk to an attorney so you know facts regarding the financial aspect.

Don't go by fear and worry, get facts, you might be pleasantly surprised at what you find out.


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> Talk to an attorney so you know facts regarding the financial aspect.
> 
> Don't go by fear and worry, get facts, you might be pleasantly surprised at what you find out.


I have been told in some situations a hubby has to pay alimony to a wife who hasn't worked, or worked much during the marriage for a periodof time....I have also been told I am intitled to half of his 401k and any other investments that were created during our marriage..But Idk


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

dianag78.dg said:


> I have been told in some situations a hubby has to pay alimony to a wife who hasn't worked, or worked much during the marriage for a periodof time....I have also been told I am intitled to half of his 401k and any other investments that were created during our marriage..But Idk


I think there’s usually alimony at least until you get on your feet. You need to get a job TODAY. You need your own money and to take care of yourself so no one can use you like this again.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

dianag78.dg said:


> I have been told in some situations a hubby has to pay alimony to a wife who hasn't worked, or worked much during the marriage for a periodof time....I have also been told I am intitled to half of his 401k and any other investments that were created during our marriage..But Idk


This sounds correct... but talk to a lawyer.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Wrong 
Thread


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

jsmart said:


> Wrong
> Thread


I'm sorry...what do you mean by wrong thread


----------



## dianag78.dg (9 mo ago)

The hardest part is, my sin being caught up in the middle of this storm...My son loves me and his dad very much! He is deeply attached to both of us...my husband is an amazing father, I'll defend give him that! All I wanted was was to give my son something special, a gift...The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself...I can't imagine what this would do to him..This whole situation is so painful, confusing and unfair...I wished I could just shut down my obsessive thoughts for just a day...


----------



## Fsu4ever (9 mo ago)

Do any of y'all know her husband on a personal level?


----------



## Fsu4ever (9 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Actions speak louder than words. He will say whatever he has to say to keep his wife appliance and his girlfriend, because that is how he wants to live. It's up to you if that's something you can live with, but he won't stop, I'm sorry. There are no consequences when he cheats, so he will keep doing it.


Do you know her husband? Cause you sound like you know it all....


----------



## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

bricks said:


> 20 years IS a long time. You say you know he loves you, but this is NOT love. Sorry. You say you were supposed to live and die by one another. That is a dream that you will have to mourn. YES. Losing him would be grieving the loss of a family member, but this family member is making your life hell inside your own head. You say you have "literally tried". It does not matter a rat's behind how much you try if you are trying alone - and you are. Not one partner can save a marriage, but they can put themselves in the grave or ruin the lives of their children trying.
> 
> Honestly, you sound like you are looking for validation that you should stay. I stayed after infidelity. ONE instance of infidelity, not repeated over years. Everything you are saying about the pain, the anxiety, the ups and downs....I get it, been there. No amount of hoping it will cease will make it cease. You have to start putting one foot in front of the other. I think you have been dealing with this for so long you don't even know how bad it is. It will get better once you put some boundaries down between you and this serial cheater. He says he loves you. He does not know what that means, apparently. What he does is not love. Love is a choice you make when you have an opportunity to do something that will give you short term pleasure but will devastate your spouse. Love is honoring your spouse, not torturing them and lying to them and making them think they are losing their mind so you can get your jollies.
> 
> As someone said to me when my husband was doing very similar things: "Save your marriage? You don't have a marriage."


This line here: Love is a choice you make when you have an opportunity to do something that will give you short term pleasure but will devastate your spouse.

These cheaters are selfish.


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

dianag78.dg said:


> I know he loves me too


This isn't love, Miss. It really isn't. Heck, how has he been acting since he confessed or since you found out the whole extent of his double life? Has he been trying to make amends or is he just love bombing you in the hopes you just fall back into it again with him?

He literally went to the trouble and combined effort with his first AP to hide this from you. That's just next level deceit. From an outsider's perspective, this guy is definitely not safe. 

My heart breaks for you. I hope you can rebuild some semblance of a life in spite of him.


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

dianag78.dg said:


> The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself


As they say, better to come _from_ a broken home than actually _live _in one. You give your son two parents, but an unhealthy model of a relationship. Do you really want him growing up thinking that he can treat his partners like your H treated you? Or to let himself be treated like you have? He can still have two parents, but he should also learn what's right and wrong about this kind of situation. He shouldn't grow up with this toxicity and think it's normal. Kids can model what they see.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If you think this guy loves you, all I can say is you have something really amazing to learn about when you meet a man that truly DOES love you. Yes, you’re gonna hurt for a while. I think financially you’ll be fine. He will be screwed. This guy’s love is for himself.
6 yr affair? How many times did he come home from sex with her and treat you like trash? You haven’t had love from a man yet. Dump him


----------



## bricks (Aug 14, 2017)

dianag78.dg said:


> The hardest part is, my sin being caught up in the middle of this storm...My son loves me and his dad very much! He is deeply attached to both of us...my husband is an amazing father, I'll defend give him that! All I wanted was was to give my son something special, a gift...The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself...I can't imagine what this would do to him..This whole situation is so painful, confusing and unfair...I wished I could just shut down my obsessive thoughts for just a day...


All your replies have a similar tone. The truth, as I read it, is that you are not happy with your situation, but you are not willing to trade what you think is a happy home and financial security for a different life. Plenty of woman do this math and don't leave philandering husbands. If you can come to some peace with it all, if you can look the other way and still feel valued in your life, then by all means, stay.

Your husband will continue to be a good father if you leave the marriage. I was in your situation - I had a lot of children and stayed at home (a decision we made together), so when the marriage disintegrated I had a lot of financial fears. I was told, as other have said, that I would get more than half of the assets and alimony since I had supported my husband's career and raised the children. My husband behaved very differently than yours. He was not a serial cheater, and had a genuine transformation before we reconciled. (I had thrown him out).

You are getting the reactions you are because your husband does not seem to be changing and you do not seem happy. You seem to be looking for a real, mutual respectful marriage. You do not have that and if you stay, there is nothing you have said to make anyone think you husband will change. Why would he? He has what he wants. His wife, cook, maid, stability while still free to seek the attention of other woman. Sure, he has to deal with you whining every so often, but he knows the tricks to shut you up.

One more think I think you should consider: You are showing your son how a woman should be treated. You are showing him that a woman must be dependent, must do what a man wants, and as he ages he will understand that his father is a cheat. Is that what a good home with married parents should teach a boy?


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

bricks said:


> One more think I think you should consider: You are showing your son how a woman should be treated. You are showing him that a woman must be dependent, must do what a man wants, and as he ages he will understand that his father is a cheat. Is that what a good home with married parents should teach a boy?


Kids are more in tune than people realize. He will know your husband neither loves nor respects you. He will see women as faceless, mindless, interchangeable slaves. The world isn't as it was for most of history; women have a choice, they don't have to stay in bad situations any more. The women your son will have to choose from if this is the kind of man he becomes will be limited, because the message to women now is different. Women make deliberate choices and having a bad marriage and an unloving husband who cheats is no longer an inevitable outcome women simply have to endure to survive. You are a good, kind, strong, smart woman who is staying in a bad situation for the sake of your child, but there are not many women like that and will be fewer still as time goes on. Teaching your son to treat women like it's 1950 is going to severely limit his options and that's very unfair. He won't know how to be a good man or a good husband because he has no model for that. So staying for "his sake" isn't the help you think it is.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

dianag78.dg said:


> The hardest part is, my sin being caught up in the middle of this storm...My son loves me and his dad very much! He is deeply attached to both of us...my husband is an amazing father, I'll defend give him that! All I wanted was was to give my son something special, a gift...The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself...I can't imagine what this would do to him..This whole situation is so painful, confusing and unfair...I wished I could just shut down my obsessive thoughts for just a day...


@dianag78.dg , I know this is really heart breaking but you need to be strong for your son. Your WH is NOT a good father, good fathers do not blow up their families running around with other women.
You need to get rid of this POS, he is a serial cheater and sounds narcissistic.
1. Start doing the 180 for yourself to start emotionally withdrawing from him. Do not listen to anything he says. Cheaters lie all the time. He will tell you what you want to hear. Remember if he really cared about you he would not have done what he has done twice that you know of, could me many more.
2. Go see a lawyer as to what your options are and get your ducks in a row and plan your future
3. Try and get yourself some sort of job or go back to school so that you are not dependent fully on him.
4. Start taking care of yourself, exercise, gym, join clubs where you meet others
5. Tell all your family, his family and friends and blow up his world. You do not have to keep this secret for him. This stuff needs to be exposed as it only thrives in the dark.
6. Tell the OW's spouse of bf if any
7. Rely on one of two close friends for support.
8. Start working on getting him out of the house. See what your lawyer says
9. If your kid is old enough tell him what is happening. Kids will sense these things. Do not hide. it is better that your son is with a mother who is alone and confident and healed than a mother who is constantly looking over her shoulder waiting for the next catastrophe to arise due to her WH philandering ways, do not do that to him or to yourself.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

dianag78.dg said:


> I'm sorry...what do you mean by wrong thread


Sometimes we write a really long, helpful post. Hit send and realise we posted it in the wrong thread by mistake. Oops!


----------



## Fsu4ever (9 mo ago)

aine said:


> @dianag78.dg , I know this is really heart breaking but you need to be strong for your son. Your WH is NOT a good father, good fathers do not blow up their families running around with other women.
> You need to get rid of this POS, he is a serial cheater and sounds narcissistic.
> 1. Start doing the 180 for yourself to start emotionally withdrawing from him. Do not listen to anything he says. Cheaters lie all the time. He will tell you what you want to hear. Remember if he really cared about you he would not have done what he has done twice that you know of, could me many more.
> 2. Go see a lawyer as to what your options are and get your ducks in a row and plan your future
> ...


For all y'all experts on here just a lil FYI. We are working it out and have been doing great. Y'all act like someone can't change. FYI she has a great paying job making $19 a hr plus she has exercised her whole life and still does to this day. Y'all on here trying to act like y'all know the whole story and acting like y'all therapist. Me which is the (HUSBAND) y'all bashing without know both side and the whole story. I came to my wife and told her about the affair because I knew I was doing wrong and had to try to make things right and make a change in my life to save my family so I came clean to her. How many cheaters come clean to their spouse? Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows. To call me a POS of a father is way out of line considering the things I do with my SON on the daily and I'm always trying to include the wife in our activities even before all this and she wouldn't go cause she just doesn't care to do the things we do BUT I still ask. She has her freedom I let her go out to bars with friends and alone to a bar that she knows the owner so she can her ME time. Oh and to tell all our friends and family? Ha the jokes on you cause they all know even MY SON. We are a small family that is sticking this out and fighting for our lil family of 3. You know some people do make changes but from these comments I see y'all are the people that will turn your back on someone that has a drug addiction, in prison or a alcoholic instead of giving them chances to turn their life around. It's a damn good thing she doesn't listen to this ******** y'all couch therapist post on these ppls post. She is a fighter and has been her whole life. The one thing she has been taught in life is she makes her own decisions not what someone else tells her to do and yes I'm a very lucky man to still have my wife standing beside me thru this marriage of ours and helping me confirm that we have made it thru this together.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Fsu4ever said:


> For all y'all experts on here just a lil FYI. We are working it out and have been doing great. Y'all act like someone can't change. FYI she has a great paying job making $19 a hr plus she has exercised her whole life and still does to this day. Y'all on here trying to act like y'all know the whole story and acting like y'all therapist. Me which is the (HUSBAND) y'all bashing without know both side and the whole story. I came to my wife and told her about the affair because I knew I was doing wrong and had to try to make things right and make a change in my life to save my family so I came clean to her. How many cheaters come clean to their spouse? Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows. To call me a POS of a father is way out of line considering the things I do with my SON on the daily and I'm always trying to include the wife in our activities even before all this and she wouldn't go cause she just doesn't care to do the things we do BUT I still ask. She has her freedom I let her go out to bars with friends and alone to a bar that she knows the owner so she can her ME time. Oh and to tell all our friends and family? Ha the jokes on you cause they all know even MY SON. We are a small family that is sticking this out and fighting for our lil family of 3. You know some people do make changes but from these comments I see y'all are the people that will turn your back on someone that has a drug addiction, in prison or a alcoholic instead of giving them chances to turn their life around. It's a damn good thing she doesn't listen to this ****** y'all couch therapist post on these ppls post. She is a fighter and has been her whole life. The one thing she has been taught in life is she makes her own decisions not what someone else tells her to do and yes I'm a very lucky man to still have my wife standing beside me thru this marriage of ours and helping me confirm that we have made it thru this together.


Yeah right, she makes her own decisions, pfft and that’s why you are on here hijacking her post and speaking for her like the abusive POS you most likely are. You haven’t made it through anything until you get of your high horse and look at who you are yourself for what you really are And the damage yiu have caused to your wife and family, not once but more than once. once might be a mistake, but not more than once and over a period of time so stop with your ********! Instead of trying to convince strangers on the internet about how wonderful you are what exactly have you done to rectify your absolutely ****ty behaviour and do the right thing by your wife? You are a **** father cause you are an awful example of how a good man should be And yiu are running around on your sons mother. Care to tell him when he’s older about how great a man u have been? You are so busy defending yourself, I can see right through your ********, and why should your wife be the one to carry you and your fragile ego and be strong when you have emotionally torn her to sheds? You can ******** all you want but you are a weak man. As for turning backs on addicts alcoholics, only if the refuse to get help and bring the whole family down with them. Then they deserve to be alone.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Message to OP, get a lawyer and dump this POS, let him have the OW.


----------



## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

Fsu4ever said:


> For all y'all experts on here just a lil FYI. We are working it out and have been doing great. Y'all act like someone can't change. FYI she has a great paying job making $19 a hr plus she has exercised her whole life and still does to this day. Y'all on here trying to act like y'all know the whole story and acting like y'all therapist. Me which is the (HUSBAND) y'all bashing without know both side and the whole story. I came to my wife and told her about the affair because I knew I was doing wrong and had to try to make things right and make a change in my life to save my family so I came clean to her. How many cheaters come clean to their spouse? Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows. To call me a POS of a father is way out of line considering the things I do with my SON on the daily and I'm always trying to include the wife in our activities even before all this and she wouldn't go cause she just doesn't care to do the things we do BUT I still ask. She has her freedom I let her go out to bars with friends and alone to a bar that she knows the owner so she can her ME time. Oh and to tell all our friends and family? Ha the jokes on you cause they all know even MY SON. We are a small family that is sticking this out and fighting for our lil family of 3. You know some people do make changes but from these comments I see y'all are the people that will turn your back on someone that has a drug addiction, in prison or a alcoholic instead of giving them chances to turn their life around. It's a damn good thing she doesn't listen to this ****** y'all couch therapist post on these ppls post. She is a fighter and has been her whole life. The one thing she has been taught in life is she makes her own decisions not what someone else tells her to do and yes I'm a very lucky man to still have my wife standing beside me thru this marriage of ours and helping me confirm that we have made it thru this together.


At this point I would show some humility and just be grateful that your wife is actually willing to give you another chance to work on your marriage. I hope you will reflect on your actions and realize the pain that it’s caused and that the trust can never come back fully. Infidelity is a terrible thing to do to somebody especially someone who loves you and who you are supposed to love as well. I don’t know if you can understand that type of pain unless you’ve been in their shoes.

Wishing you the best of luck to repair the situation.


----------



## Fsu4ever (9 mo ago)

aine said:


> Yeah right, she makes her own decisions, pfft and that’s why you are on here hijacking her post and speaking for her like the abusive POS you most likely are. You haven’t made it through anything until you get of your high horse and look at who you are yourself for what you really are And the damage yiu have caused to your wife and family, not once but more than once. once might be a mistake, but not more than once and over a period of time so stop with your ******! Instead of trying to convince strangers on the internet about how wonderful you are what exactly have you done to rectify your absolutely **ty behaviour and do the right thing by your wife? You are a ** father cause you are an awful example of how a good man should be And yiu are running around on your sons mother. Care to tell him when he’s older about how great a man u have been? You are so busy defending yourself, I can see right through your ******, and why should your wife be the one to carry you and your fragile ego and be strong when you have emotionally torn her to sheds? You can ****** all you want but you are a weak man. As for turning backs on addicts alcoholics, only if the refuse to get help and bring the whole family down with them. Then they deserve to be alone.


Lmao you sound like you are mad


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Sometimes we write a really long, helpful post. Hit send and realise we posted it in the wrong thread by mistake. Oops!


Then copy/paste it here and re-edit it (or delete it) over on that thread.

There are so many rascal cheaters, and betrayed's, nowadays!

It is hard to keep up.
With the stories, and the proper advice.

That is why I have secretaries, some of them _Leprechauns.



Are Dee-_


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Fsu4ever said:


> Lmao you sound like you are mad


Really, as if your opinion would matter to me. LOL. You need a lot of help. The first thing you should do is let your wife/family go so they can have the life they deserve. You are an arrogant know it all who obviously only knows how to abuse others.


----------



## L4L (8 mo ago)

dianag78.dg said:


> Its horrible...Especially when you love this person...and I do love him...20 years is a long time. Again, I know he loves me too.and perhaps he may never cheat again...However, it happened...twice...He is literally a piece of me. We were supposed to live and die by one another...I have literally tried, and continue to battle in my brain what it is I should do...Loosing him would be like grieving the loss of a family member, because he is family...he is all I know...it sucks...but I battle daily with this emense pain, ups and downs, depression anxiety, hoping it will cease...praying just always praying...but at the se time, always hurting, never understanding


I can relate to this, i went through something very similar. It is very easy for people to give you advice and tell you what to do as they are not emotionally involved and can think more logically and rationally. When you are in it, and kids are involved it is a very different story. I think it all comes down to trust and respect for the other person and whether you feel that is something you can get back. I tried for a year, mainly for the sake of the kids and hating the thought of the family unit breaking up. We did marriage counselling, the lot but unfortunately the longer i stayed the less respect i had for myself. I knew deep down i could not get passed it and i had lost trust and respect for him. In the end i went to counselling myself to give me the strength to leave. After my first counselling session i went home and ended my marriage and the family unit and continued my own counselling to process all the emotions. This helped immensely. I'm 4 years on now and i can now say it is the best thing i did for myself. 
That is my story though and I'm not telling you what you should do as that's up to you. I would recommend counselling though whether it's marriage counselling or counselling for yourself. It will help you process everything that is going on and give you a space to talk. I wish you well x


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Fsu4ever said:


> For all y'all experts on here just a lil FYI. We are working it out and have been doing great. Y'all act like someone can't change. FYI she has a great paying job making $19 a hr plus she has exercised her whole life and still does to this day. Y'all on here trying to act like y'all know the whole story and acting like y'all therapist. Me which is the (HUSBAND) y'all bashing without know both side and the whole story. I came to my wife and told her about the affair because I knew I was doing wrong and had to try to make things right and make a change in my life to save my family so I came clean to her. How many cheaters come clean to their spouse? Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows. To call me a POS of a father is way out of line considering the things I do with my SON on the daily and I'm always trying to include the wife in our activities even before all this and she wouldn't go cause she just doesn't care to do the things we do BUT I still ask. She has her freedom I let her go out to bars with friends and alone to a bar that she knows the owner so she can her ME time. Oh and to tell all our friends and family? Ha the jokes on you cause they all know even MY SON. We are a small family that is sticking this out and fighting for our lil family of 3. You know some people do make changes but from these comments I see y'all are the people that will turn your back on someone that has a drug addiction, in prison or a alcoholic instead of giving them chances to turn their life around. It's a damn good thing she doesn't listen to this ****** y'all couch therapist post on these ppls post. She is a fighter and has been her whole life. The one thing she has been taught in life is she makes her own decisions not what someone else tells her to do and yes I'm a very lucky man to still have my wife standing beside me thru this marriage of ours and helping me confirm that we have made it thru this together.


You are a serial cheater, always will be. So sorry for you wife.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Fsu4ever said:


> *Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage* early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows


Sorry, cheating is on you 100%. There are plenty of things you could have done about your situation that didn't involve cheating. Don't make excuses for yourself.


----------

