# Newbie needing advice.



## Lewis90 (Jan 22, 2019)

Hi I'm 28 married have a 2 year old daughter and love them both to bits. But we're separated now and I'm renting a room in a local village and my wife and daughter are living with her mum.

September 2018 I told my wife I had a gambling addiction that weekend I blew a whole two weeks wages chasing money (trying to win my money back that I had lost) and I didn't know anyway out suicide crossed my mind but I couldn't do that to my wife and daughter. 
I had been gambling since the age of 18 but only small amounts nothing on this scale. Going back to the start of last year my gambling did start getting worse taking out payday loans to fund it falling behind and falling into debt. I was the only one working as my wife was a stay at home mum so they relied on me we had a lovely house and I was having to hide my addiction in anyway I could and lieing to my wife and family is what I had to do to hide it. The day I told my wife I phoned GamCare and they found me a councillor and started the following Monday I've now had 11 telephone counselling sessions and I can say I haven't gambled since November I relapsed due to getting drunk after recieving a letter from my wife's solicitor she was filing for divorce and only allowing me 3.5 hours supervised access with my daughter a WEEK. It didn't go well I gambled and regretted it the following day. 
My wife's in two minds about the divorce I feel her mum is pushing us apart and she's obviously scared and worried for the future if my gambling comes back but I really don't think it will as long as I have them back!


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm glad you're self-aware and realistic about the situation and getting help.



Lewis90 said:


> My wife's in two minds about the divorce I feel her mum is pushing us apart and she's obviously scared and worried for the future if my gambling comes back but *I really don't think it will as long as I have them back!*


This is probably something you should work on. You should strive to give up gambling regardless of what happens in your life. Life will always have stressful moments. Being a parent comes with a lot of stress. She may sense that your recovery is fragile and that it's not clear what the future holds. I'm sure it's easy to do the right thing when everything is going well, but she needs to know you'll also do the right thing when there are lots of problems as well.

Try not to worry too much about the future. You need to focus on your recovery, and worrying about a lot of stuff in the future is going to make it harder. The more improvements you make, the more she will trust in the future. But be sure you are working towards making true changes in yourself rather than just putting on a good show for her. Talk to your counselor to get an idea of how long recovery takes. Just since November isn't really long enough to get on the right path and know you'll stay there. 

If you want to get back with your wife, you need to be the man she needs you to be, and be man enough to accept her decision which ever way it goes. You shouldn't force her to stay with you--she should want to stay with you. And you should acknowledge that the people in her life which are telling her to split up right now are doing so out of love and trying to help her. They are also worried about what kind of life she will have with you. If you can get on the right path and she sees that she can have the life she wants with you, it might work out.


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