# Counseling or Separation...he chose separation :(



## Devoted02 (Dec 6, 2011)

I asked that we try MC and when he flat out refused, absolutely no way, I told him I thought we should separate, his response "ok". I'm saddened by his decision but I expected it. He asked for examples of why I think we need counseling and I have a huge list but it expands over years (together for 14, married 10). I feel like I'm picking at him when I tell him what I think is wrong so I keep quiet. I keep quiet so he doens't get angry. It's a vicious cycle. I feel like I have failed miserably. He blames it all on me and said this is my doing. I don't feel that way but of course I now question my actions.


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## missinglife (May 1, 2012)

Devoted02 said:


> I asked that we try MC and when he flat out refused, absolutely no way, I told him I thought we should separate, his response "ok". I'm saddened by his decision but I expected it. He asked for examples of why I think we need counseling and I have a huge list but it expands over years (together for 14, married 10). I feel like I'm picking at him when I tell him what I think is wrong so I keep quiet. I keep quiet so he doens't get angry. It's a vicious cycle. I feel like I have failed miserably. He blames it all on me and said this is my doing. I don't feel that way but of course I now question my actions.


You haven't failed at anything. We can't control other people, we can't control how they feel or how they act or how they respond to us. 

When all of this is done, whether you end up together or not, you tried. And you can take solace in trying, even if the other person gave up.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Devoted,

Don't beat yourself up over this. Sounds like by his decisions he has already checked out of your marriage.

You are not responsible for all the problems in your marriage!


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