# Looking for Advice - My Fiancee and Magic Mike Movie



## LookingForHelpwithTakeTwo (Nov 4, 2012)

Dear Community

This is the first thread i have ever posted and i am nervous but reaching out for your advice if you have interest or good advice to share.

I am looking for insight into my relationship with my fiancee, who i have been with for 4 years (our wedding is planned for next spring) but one thing came up to throw a monkey wrench that hasn't over 4 years of a partnership, trusting, loving, collaborative, monogamous, truthful, mutual respecting relationship.

For whatever reason this one movie caused a pretty serious riff. She told me she liked and wanted the movie and the guys were hot. I bought the movie for her (yes I do have some confidence issues as i am 40 and not 22 with a tight six pack) because she wanted it and she commented on that. Then she told me she didn't want it and was not interested in the movie, so i returned it.

Now I don't know what she really wants, whether i still am the guy she wants to be with, or what's going on. This has caused a riff that i don't know how to handle with her.

Can any women/couples/men share similar experience - has anyone reached forties when i don't have the body or drive of a 22 or 25 year old, and can't compare, how can i still attract my fiancee?

I'd appreciate any advice you may have. Thanks very much.

thanks,

LfHwTT


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## stritle (Oct 4, 2010)

unless she's said otherwise, why do you think she's not attracted to you for all that you are? could be fine in her eyes.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Maybe someone told her the movie was rubbish and that's why she didn't want to see it.

Did you ask her why she changed her mind?


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## LookingForHelpwithTakeTwo (Nov 4, 2012)

thank you srtitle and waiwera - you are quality people and i appreciate your insight


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## LookingForHelpwithTakeTwo (Nov 4, 2012)

You are with honor.

I should take your advice.


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## LookingForHelpwithTakeTwo (Nov 4, 2012)

What would you think?

If you are women, what would you expect that I should do or what my response be to try to be there for her?


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## lou (Apr 22, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

How old is SHE? My husband is getting close to the Big 50... we went to see Magic Mike together, I/we like a little porn. He knows he does it for me....

Just cause one is married or in love doesn't mean we cease to notice the opposite sex or find them attractive.... Magic Mike was seductive...it is alluring, it shouldn't be any surprise that could turn a woman on. When we went to see it - I noticed 2 couples who looked like they were over 65 yrs old in there, I thought to myself... those dirty old women -how cool is that ! Maybe the husband will get some tonight. Obviously those men are secure in their women's love for them. 

What is wrong with just being very open about what is sexually attracting to us, it in no way means you are "less" somehow in her eyes. Like my husband, I know what we have together... but this doesn't mean he isn't going to notice the beauties on the beach ...That would just be silly. 



> *LookingForHelpwithTakeTwo said*: I am looking for insight into my relationship with my fiancee, who i have been with for 4 years (our wedding is planned for next spring) but one thing came up to throw a monkey wrench that hasn't over 4 years of a partnership, trusting, loving, collaborative, monogamous, truthful, mutual respecting relationship.


I don't understand what the Monkey Wrench was...I assume you let her know the comment hurt you, or she felt that....that Magic Mike was HOT & you aren't that young stud anymore...

Maybe she felt really bad that she hurt you (caues really it's just a comment that was never meant to hurt you -I am sure), Kinda like how guys go on at work if they see some Hottie in the distance....-but they wouldn't dare say such things to thier wives back at home....as it would be disrespectful in front of them- but they love & desire their wives every night ! 

So then she decided to reject the movie ...as she didn't want to do anything else to remind you of how she didn't mean to hurt you...possible ?


How has the trusting -loving - collaborative - monogamous relationship fell by the wayside in this little dilemma? Maybe a little too much openness on her part (and just a little insecurity on yours ) seems to be the only monkey wrench I can even get a hint at ....from all you have shared so far.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

I don't understand the problem. She liked the eye candy, I bet you like eye candy too. Doesn't mean you like her any less. Why would she like you any less?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I am someone who thinks movies like this and porn have no place in a relationship, and that the focus should be on each other. 

Talk to her about your fears.

I know that I'm not perfect looking (but pretty close ) but my fiance and I choose to focus on the things we do love and find attractive about each other. We share our fantasies and he certainly is the sexiest man to me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

humanbecoming said:


> When this came out, I told my wife she and her bff should go see it at the theater. She did, and managed to get home without going off and having sex with hot young guys. Amazing!
> 
> Hey, I'm closing in on 40, and am NO Channing Tatum anyway, but last week, I rented it so we could watch it together- there was some guy eye candy in there too. Heck, even a plot and good story line! We had fun making fun of how a couple of the actors looked (Mathew Mcconahey, ew!)


I love your attitude HumanBecoming. :smthumbup: :smthumbup: My husband felt the storyline wasn't too bad either. Pretty much the power of a woman ...







...encouraged him to get out of the business & pursue his dreams.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I don't think your wife lost anything by not seeing it. Movie sucked donkey balls... If she wants to see the equivalent without spending money or over an hour she can just google up some good looking guys. About the same content.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Man, just stop. You're being incredibly insecure and are making a huge mountain out of the smallest molehill.

_Magic Mike_ is not pornography. It's a big budget film directed by freaking Steven Soderbergh, one of the great directors of our time. This is the same man who directed _Traffic_, _Erin Brockovich_, and _Ocean's Eleven_. I've seen it, and there is more risque material, and more skin, on an episode of _Spartacus_ or _True Blood_. People make this tame ass movie out to be SO much more than it is. Trust me when I say, it's really NOT pornography. I saw it with my wife and sister, and it wasn't any big deal whatsoever.

If you're that insecure about your body, and being attractive for your fiancee, get yourself a solid food program and fitness regime and get that body into shape. But for the love of all things good, do not waste another minute of your life crying in your soup over damn_ Magic Mike_!


*Edit:* You should also note that at 40 years old you are younger than Matthew McConaughey and Kevin Nash, and are almost the same age as Joe Manganiello and Adam Rodriguez, all of which were up there with their clothes off. So don't make this about age.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I have to say, with all the hype surrounding this movie, I had absolutely no interest in it. It was hyped up as porn. I find porn disgusting (my opinion of it, not a reflection on other people who like it. My husband agrees with me). So, because it was marketed as a type of porn, I had zero interest in seeing it.... then the ladies who went started talking about it. Some were quite disappointed because it wasn't what they thought it was gonna be. LOL! So, after hearing what Mrs.HB and a few others have said about it, I am SLIGHTLY interested in it. It's not something I will go out of my way to get, but it is one that I am now mildly interested in... and that is only because of the reviews from friends. But it won't be the end of the world if I don't see it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I found the most attractive guy in the movie the BROTHER, not Magic Mike (loved the dancing though!) or Matthew McConaughey, never cared for him.

Jaquen is right, this is not Porn. Very tame. Surely doesn't glamorize the Stripper industry either... those against it -ought to enjoy the plot. If you ever give it a watch Maricha ~ love to hear your thoughts.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm confused as to what you are upset about. Is it because she asked for the movie then asked you to return it? Is it because she commented that the men in the movie were hot? Is it because she made mention of wanting a man with a six pack?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I have to say, with all the hype surrounding this movie, I had absolutely no interest in it. It was hyped up as porn. I find porn disgusting (my opinion of it, not a reflection on other people who like it. My husband agrees with me). So, because it was marketed as a type of porn, I had zero interest in seeing it.... then the ladies who went started talking about it. Some were quite disappointed because it wasn't what they thought it was gonna be. LOL! So, after hearing what Mrs.HB and a few others have said about it, I am SLIGHTLY interested in it. It's not something I will go out of my way to get, but it is one that I am now mildly interested in... and that is only because of the reviews from friends. But it won't be the end of the world if I don't see it.


The advertisements for this film don't match the content much at all. When I saw the first couple of previews I thought "WTF? You've got to be kidding me with this crap". Then at some point I was shocked to find out it was a Soderbergh film, which made me do a double take. I try and see all his films. Now things were awkward. I'm a secure man, but still not secure enough to go to the movies alone to see a film with this content. I told my wife that, and she said "Oh good! I was going to buy tickets for us for next week and thought I would have to pull your teeth". 

We saw it. It's tame. Contrary to the previews most of the hardcore nudity, of which there is very little, are a couple pair of gorgeous tits. The stripping scenes are more hilarious than anything (I know some will disagree). It is far, far from a risque film. The majority of the film isn't even about the stripping, but the relationships as they are off the stage. 

Go to imdb and look up the film. There are quite a few posts from pissed off gay men, and some women, complaining that there isn't any hardcore, major male nudity for a film about male strippers. With a couple of cuts the film could have easily been rated PG-13.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

LookingForHelpwithTakeTwo said:


> Dear Community
> 
> This is the first thread i have ever posted and i am nervous but reaching out for your advice if you have interest or good advice to share.
> 
> ...


I hope I can shed some light on this for you as a just turned 40 years old this year and turning 40 hit me. Also my wife and I over the last year or so had become a little distracted with life and weren't as connected as usual. Our relationship was FAR from bad, but there were a couple issues under the surface which didn't make me feel quite as secure in the relationship as I should've. Those two things together had ME (not her and not our relationship) feeling a bit insecure when this movie came out. The problems that were there were masked by the movie.

The movie iteself was never a problem. It was the other stuff and the movie just happened to trigger the feelings to the surface. I'm glad it did because it made me deal with things within me that I hadn't (the turning 40 and other stuff) and it also made my wife and I recognize where we had ignored things that we shouldn't so it really HELPED us LOL.

The reason your fiancee is waffling about getting the movie is simply that she wants the movie, but she sees it bothers you and she's choosing to be sensitive to your feelings over her want for eye candy.

Now THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. 
1. Get over the insecurity. On paper, is Channing Tatum hotter than you...in a survey of people with ZERO emotional investment..YES. To your fiancee...NOT EVEN CLOSE. Is Kat Denning hotter than your fiancee? I'd say yes, because I'm judging them on pure physical attributes but I bet that you would say NO!! Your fiancee feels the same about you. I would suggest seeing a counselor to address insecurities. It will help you in MANY ways in your relationship. It doesn't mean you're really messed in the head, it means you want to improve yourself.
2. Buy the movie as a present for your wife. Give it and say something like "Even though you have ALLLLL of this (as you motion up and down your body), I figured you'd still enjoy this". Your fiancee will find that INCREDIBLY sexy. Be confidant man!!


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## LookingForHelpwithTakeTwo (Nov 4, 2012)

Thank You to the Community

I really appreciate it. We often hear that chat and twitter do nothing but destroy relationships. In this case (hopefully) you have helped me to try to repair a relationship.

You are with honor.

What i have learned from this community is 3 things

1. I do need to work on my physical form - diet and exercise.
2. I have greater insight into a movie and meanings in multiple dimensions. It is perfectly fine for my fiancee to lust after Channing Tatum. I just learned he is now (per People) the Sexiest Man Alive. I will support her being a woman and it is completely fine if she is turned on by hot bodies. I have complete trust and faith.
3. I have never posted to the community, so this is still a first experience, but thanks to each of you for your helping me.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> When this came out, I told my wife she and her bff should go see it at the theater. She did, and managed to get home without going off and having sex with hot young guys. Amazing!
> 
> Hey, I'm closing in on 40, and am NO Channing Tatum anyway, but last week, I rented it so we could watch it together- there was some guy eye candy in there too. Heck, even a plot and good story line! We had fun making fun of how a couple of the actors looked (Mathew Mcconahey, ew!)
> 
> It's a movie, try not to let it bother you. This certainly shouldn't cause wedding altering problems. If it is, I would seriously start looking deeper, because this is just a catalyst to some other problems.


"Yay! My wife is juicing openly and unashamedly over young men I can't hope to compete with! Hooray! Just give me some LSD so I can be drug affected enough to actually believe she is sincere when she claims she finds my 40yo body just as attractive!"

Can anyone imagine a middle aged man hiring "Hot early twenties buxom wenches go to ibiza" (whatever, use your imagination) and expecting his wife to watch it with him, and then being perplexed when she suffered an inadequacy crisis and developed massive self-esteem and body issues...


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> "Yay! My wife is juicing openly and unashamedly over young men I can't hope to compete with! Hooray! Just give me some LSD so I can be drug affected enough to actually believe she is sincere when she claims she finds my 40yo body just as attractive!"
> 
> Can anyone imagine a middle aged man hiring "Hot early twenties buxom wenches go to ibiza" (whatever, use your imagination) and expecting his wife to watch it with him, and then being perplexed when she suffered an inadequacy crisis and developed massive self-esteem and body issues...


So what, everyone should avoid people younger than them if your married?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> "Yay! My wife is juicing openly and unashamedly over young men I can't hope to compete with! Hooray! Just give me some LSD so I can be drug affected enough to actually believe she is sincere when she claims she finds my 40yo body just as attractive!"
> 
> Can anyone imagine a middle aged man hiring "Hot early twenties buxom wenches go to ibiza" (whatever, use your imagination) and expecting his wife to watch it with him, and then being perplexed when she suffered an inadequacy crisis and developed massive self-esteem and body issues...


Wow, your view of the human brain and what we find attractive is EXTREMELY myopic.

So are you saying that people in their 50's don't ACTUALLY find each other attractive? Or as you age, your brain goes through an aging process as well where you only find people that are the same age as your spouse attractive?

There are MANY levels of attraction/stimulation. 
1. Visual Stimulation where your brain looks at the very basic qualities of what you like 
2. Visual Stimulation where your brain assigns deeper qualities to someone that ALSO fits into #1
3. Emotional stimulation where your emotional needs are met by someone which translates into a physical desire
4. Personality stimulation where the person may not meet your visual stimulation at first but "there's something about them" that gets you hot.

And there's more than just those 4.

Eye candy, like this movie, or pictures or anything like that fits number 1 only. For some people number 1 is very small but still enjoyable, for others its a bigger part of their attraction. But numbers 2, 3 and 4 represent a MUCH stronger part of your physical attraction to someone. If I was put up on a "rate this man" website, I'd probably be a 5-6 (if I lost more weight, probably an 8). But my wife sees me as an 11. And the same holds true from me to my wife.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Did you say something to her before you bought it to embarrass her about it? Were you like, "Here's your 20 year old porn movie" or something like that when you gave it to her? Did you indicate that it had made you insecure so she didn't want it anymore, cuz you felt bad about it? 

Just because she wants to look at some hot guys in a movie doesn't mean she doesn't love you or isn't attracted to you. I like the movie Alive...(yeah, horribly depressing and sad movie, but...) a lot for the sheer fact that most of the guys in it are totally hot. (It's a soccer team!) My husband knows this. He's fine with it. (Hey...he asked why I liked the movie so much since it is an awful story...I couldn't lie.)

I agree with others. Work on your insecurity issues that stem from being so much older.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> Oh, believe me, there are some aspects of my body I highly doubt any of those guys can compete with, so I have no need for insecurity there.
> 
> If anyones spouse is so shallow that a movie is causing issues, the real problem isn't the movie. But by your screen name, I don't think that needs to be explained to you, does it, cupcake?


In the spirit of competition to win a ladies heart forever, penis size is low on the list. If you have all the other right things, or a majority of them, you will be triumphant.

Don't toot your own horn. (unless it's so big you CAN toot it, in that case, I would never leave the house!!!) :smthumbup:

Sorry for the minor hijack.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> The entire point is that there is NO "spirit of competition" it's a MOVIE.
> If a guys relationship is so bad off that he has to compete with a movie, he needs to take a hard look at where his life is.


:iagree:


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

What the heck is this movie I've never heard of? Geez...


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I have literally no interest in this - if you want to look at hot bodies check out the first series of Spartacus


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