# 10 Year Anniversary today and I don't care



## Sunflower73 (Jul 6, 2012)

Hi all. I am new here. Been married 10years today. Have 2 children with my hubby & a son from previous marriage. I'm feeling stuck. We have had a separation 2 years ago, porn addiction problems (his), went to counseling for 3 years. The counseling ended with him saying he wasn't willing to change, work or be any different and it was my choice to accept it or leave. Thus, the "end of the marriage" would be my doing and he wouldn't have to make any decisions (which he will not do anyway). He also has health issues, which he will not take control of. 
I have been seriously contemplating divorce. We have tried separation before. It did work, but he grows lazy and tired and doesn't think that a marriage needs to be worked on daily. So after the "honeymoon" period of us reconciling, it went right back to what I now consider "normal". 
Instead of celebrating tonight, which I know we won't as he has not even acknowledged our anniversary, would it be wrong of me to voice how unhappy I know we both are and that this should be our last anniversary?
This is a very condensed version or what our story is, as the full story would take me hours to write.
Thank you for any advice or opinions.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, I'm not sure why you accepted him back 2 year ago, since he clearly wasn't willing to change any behavior...

I think you should definitely voice how unhappy you are, and then make plans. If he objects, and wants to change, that's a whole 'nother conversation. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

Sorry you are here -- but do keep posting. Lots of good advice and support round here.


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## Sunflower73 (Jul 6, 2012)

Thank you. We reconciled 2 years ago because he had done everything I asked of him to do: go to the doctor and get his health in check, start caring more about himself, becoming more involved with our daughters, and communicating more. He seemed genuinely happy and like he was feeling better physically. He was fun to be with and our Ds liked to be with him. But it is as if it was too much work to be what he was becoming and now we all walk on eggshells, he is always grumpy and tired and back to being un-involved, and living in his own world.
I am glad this forum is here as some of the post I have read have been validating and beneficial.


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