# No intimacy=No desire to have sex



## Day_Dreamer (Jul 21, 2011)

Hello everyone I'm new here so its nice to meet everyone! Anyway, about this topic let me start by saying Im a married woman,21, with a son and one on the way. I love love sex! I will admit, I do watch porn from time to time lol. My husband is my only sexually partner and I'm glad he is b/c Im addicted! Just like most relationships in the beginning, sex was great we did just about everything. My husband was very affectionate he would hold me at night, give me random kisses, say sweet things etc. Now though he doesnt even talk! He is never around(understandable b/c he works full time) but even when he has his days off he sleeps and then goes out and runs errands leaving me and his son at home. But at night he starts groping me and feeling me up wanting sex and I get so annoyed! He doesnt even turn me on anymore. I tried 'spicing up' our sex life by having sex everywhere in the house, before he goes to work, i give him oral without any return. I tried! and when he goes down on me its only to get me wet so he can 'stick it in' urgh! its so frustrating. There's no passion and its to the point I dread going to bed with him b/c I know he is going to make a pass. While I'm sitting miserable and sexually unsatisfied he rants about how great our marriage is and how much he loves us so I feel bad b/c he is genuinely happy. I have been telling him that he needs to show more affection but he makes excuses. Now though, I'm just shutting down on him and not having any desire to have sex(with him). I don't know what else to do! I know he is not cheating, Im attractive, he loves my body(he touches me in his sleep lol) he is a great husband but the only thing is his lack of passion and affection towards me! It makes me go crazy!


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## Mrs.Saucy (Jul 21, 2011)

Why do you keep rejecting him at bedtime? Is it because you don't feel like he's into satisfying you?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I wouldn't want sex with him either.

I think you need to lay it out to him.

Tell him you are losing desire for him, because he's not meeting your needs, and thus you can't get turned on by him and his needs won't be met.

Tell him it's dangerous to your marriage, and you want to be attracted to him.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I wouldn't want sex with him either.
> 
> I think you need to lay it out to him.
> 
> ...



:iagree:

What she said!


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## Day_Dreamer (Jul 21, 2011)

Mrs.Saucy said:


> Why do you keep rejecting him at bedtime? Is it because you don't feel like he's into satisfying you?


Yes, I feel like he is thinking about himself.


Thank you syrum as tough as it sounds I might have to break it to him! I woke up in the middle of the night with my pants half way down! I was like what the hell are you doing, Im asleep!?! It's getting bad=/ thanks guys!


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

The same thing here! Even though we're not talking to eachother , he fills me up in the middle of the night! Awful! I'm strating to feel like a sex object and i lost interest too. We also started passionately, but now i go home hoping we have some agenda to stick to, so that we won't have to have sex.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

*feels me up , I meant ,sorry I'm foreign


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## Day_Dreamer (Jul 21, 2011)

charlene said:


> The same thing here! Even though we're not talking to eachother , he fills me up in the middle of the night! Awful! I'm strating to feel like a sex object and i lost interest too. We also started passionately, but now i go home hoping we have some agenda to stick to, so that we won't have to have sex.


Sex object is the perfect word for it! The thing is I can't go on feeling that way. I feel useless, Im American but I live in the UK and I have no family here so Im debating everyday if I should just leave and go back. I miss america so much! but I know if I do I will severely destroy my marriage. I really truly want it to work! I never thought something like this can jeopardize our marriage but I realize it is a huge factor in keeping this marriage together.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

MC and if he doesn't want to, file for divorce. Otherwise you'll be very vulnerable to another man coming along and treating you with the respect you deserve and well you know the rest.


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## Day_Dreamer (Jul 21, 2011)

morituri said:


> MC and if he doesn't want to, file for divorce. Otherwise you'll be very vulnerable to another man coming along and treating you with the respect you deserve and well you know the rest.



Yes, I'm very vulnerable. Definitely look into MC.:smthumbup:


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

Do that Day Dreamer , if he's willing to do it ,that's the thing you both should do !
Good luck!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Here's a crazy idea for you to consider. Leave a note for him to read:

"Whatever happened to the man who was very affectionate that he would hold me at night and give me random kisses? The man who filled me with desire for him? Whatever happened to him? Is he gone forever?"


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

In the early years of my marriage my husband was a horrible groper and pretty much ignored my needs regarding sex. I had to be pretty ruthless and just lay it all out on the line before it changed. But, when confronted with the reality of losing everything or working on it, my husband chose to work on it, and we have been married 23 years now.

Don't be afraid to confront and discuss this with your husband. Let him know how you feel and what you desire from him. Be willing to acknowledge his needs too and vow to work on it together with him. If he's the man for you, he will be willing to work at it.

Best Wishes.


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## Soupnutz (Jul 6, 2011)

I heard a quote today that I really liked. The guy basically said, "Make love to your wife during the day, and she'll make love to you during the night." 

Such a simple concept, yet lost to many, myself included. Take the time to meet your spouses needs and your spouse will meet yours, don't and they won't. You need to let him know that your needs aren't being met and why should you give, give, give and not get anything in return.


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