# Live in my World



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

This is not a vent,But a story about what I get with sex with my wife?Marrried 28 yrs.No other problems in realationship???
Married to a Asexual,LD Wife.She is a wonderful person.But does not have a sexual desires offen.Well We have sex about twice a month.Most the time its when I back her agaist the wall and say hey its time.There is no need for foreplay she is not interested.Does not matter how nice you have been.How romanic you are.You can only have her once in a while.So about the event.You get naked,No kissing,No enjoying yourself,If you start to interduce foreplay she will say,Come on lets do this.So at that point you mount up.She leaves her top on.No tit play.You start going at it.She lays their with no emotion,Not a pip out out of her.Her face is turned sideways and you can see she just wants it to be overwith.If you take to long she will say hurry up.When finish she gets up and leaves the room fast.Then I wait for 2 weeks for another event like that one.Kinda funny why I would beg for sex when thats what I get.My bedroom is not a play ground.This story is only for those who think they got it bad.Live in my world???


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Justwondering, I don't know what to tell you. My husband went thru that in his first marriage...it damaged him so much. I don't think some women realize what harm they are doing with that kind of rejection. I have no advice for you, but I do feel for you. That's no way to live.


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## iGuy (Apr 23, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> This is not a vent,But a story about what I get with sex with my wife?Marrried 28 yrs.No other problems in realationship???
> Married to a Asexual,LD Wife.She is a wonderful person.But does not have a sexual desires offen.Well We have sex about twice a month.Most the time its when I back her agaist the wall and say hey its time.There is no need for foreplay she is not interested.Does not matter how nice you have been.How romanic you are.You can only have her once in a while.So about the event.You get naked,No kissing,No enjoying yourself,If you start to interduce foreplay she will say,Come on lets do this.So at that point you mount up.She leaves her top on.No tit play.You start going at it.She lays their with no emotion,Not a pip out out of her.Her face is turned sideways and you can see she just wants it to be overwith.If you take to long she will say hurry up.When finish she gets up and leaves the room fast.Then I wait for 2 weeks for another event like that one.Kinda funny why I would beg for sex when thats what I get.My bedroom is not a play ground.This story is only for those who think they got it bad.Live in my world???


I'm exactly the same position! Married 12 years. Living in the shadow of her promiscuous lifestyle before we met. She used to brag about her exciting sex life, how often she was so horny, she just had to slip away for a quickie with her boyfriends. But made me wait for marriage.

Now she does exactly what your wife does. Less there begrudgingly once every 2 months, waiting for her raping Mongolian barbarian of a sex crazed husband to get it over with. Makes every excuse in the book to not have sex.

But hey, I'll be in hell if I had sex with someone else buddy!

I know how you feel and it is a living hell!!!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

iGuy and Just Wondering

GET OOOUUUTTT!!!

My wife looks like a sex fiend in comparison to yours!


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, Toffer, I didn't want to say it that bluntly, but I don't disagree


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

So icy and hurtful!! Does she know how you feel? Does she realize the damage she is doing? I know she isn't interested but what about just meeting the other's needs 
I would do anything for my husband to feel loved and secure and satisfied.

I'm sorry you are going through this.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Just Wondering,

I know it doesn't help but many of us are going through this in varying degrees...


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## studley (Oct 19, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> I know it doesn't help but many of us are going through this in varying degrees...


Yep. No sex at all for over 2 years.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Studley, why? Why do you put up with that? 

I'm sorry, I know this is not your thread, and you have no obligation to disclose your personal details, but I'm just baffled.

Sorry. Forget I spoke.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Well many of us stay because we otherwise have a decent life. We have kids that we don't want to lose or disrupt. It's just complicated and it feels selfish to leave over sex when it will hurt so many people.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

studley said:


> Yep. No sex at all for over 2 years.


 That's terrible. My wife is LD, but I don't think I could last 2 years w/o going nuts.

Is she open to seeing a sex therapist? We started seeing one a few weeks back, and it's helped to open my wife to be more available and willing to have sex.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Well, Toffer, I didn't want to say it that bluntly, but I don't disagree


Thought you would!


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Well many of us stay because we otherwise have a decent life. We have kids that we don't want to lose or disrupt. It's just complicated and it feels selfish to leave over sex when it will hurt so many people.


I hear you brother but two years is pretty extreme...


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

If kids were not involved, no way in hell I would wait 2 years. Would be asking/telling her 
1) Were you sexually abused in anyway in the past that is affecting you now? 
2) Go to your OB/GYN and get hormone levels checked out 
3) If no abuse and hormones are fine then what the hell is wrong with me? Why dont you want me?
4) If you like the financial/companionship benefits of marriage, are you okay with me getting strange elsewhere yet remain married?
5) Not okay with that? Hello door.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

To me these discussions always lead back to the question, is sex important or not? If it is not important than it doesn't matter whether or where he gets it. If it is important, then why the hell aren't you giving it up?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> This is not a vent,But a story about what I get with sex with my wife?Marrried 28 yrs.No other problems in realationship???
> Married to a Asexual,LD Wife.She is a wonderful person.But does not have a sexual desires offen.Well We have sex about twice a month.Most the time its when I back her agaist the wall and say hey its time.There is no need for foreplay she is not interested.Does not matter how nice you have been.How romanic you are.You can only have her once in a while.So about the event.You get naked,No kissing,No enjoying yourself,If you start to interduce foreplay she will say,Come on lets do this.So at that point you mount up.She leaves her top on.No tit play.You start going at it.She lays their with no emotion,Not a pip out out of her.Her face is turned sideways and you can see she just wants it to be overwith.If you take to long she will say hurry up.When finish she gets up and leaves the room fast.Then I wait for 2 weeks for another event like that one.Kinda funny why I would beg for sex when thats what I get.My bedroom is not a play ground.This story is only for those who think they got it bad.Live in my world???



This is heartbreaking to read.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Also 

Wondering, I dont know that I could do that. Feel sorry for you man. She would probably flip if you bought a sex doll huh? 

And iGuy your wife sounds just plain cruel. Too BRAG about being horny all the time with other guys to your husband, who you are frigid with? Thats pure bullsh!t


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

LOL. Workingonme, you just summarized 2000 years of philosophy.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

That is so sad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iGuy (Apr 23, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> Also
> 
> Wondering, I dont know that I could do that. Feel sorry for you man. She would probably flip if you bought a sex doll huh?
> 
> And iGuy your wife sounds just plain cruel. Too BRAG about being horny all the time with other guys to your husband, who you are frigid with? Thats pure bullsh!t


I KNOW, right!? 2 nights ago, I tried to make a move, but she just shot me down. "How can you be thinking of sex so much?" Last "sex" was about 4 weeks ago

My heart is still bleeding. 

And yes, people have given advice. But with kids involved and much else being OK, divorce or other "drastic" things aren't worth it. 

I'm losing some weight, working hard but hell - I know in my heart of hearts that my wife will NEVER truly love me. For as long as I live (which is hopefully not long [aged 33]) - I will continuously suffer sexual rejection at the hands of my wife!!!!!!!


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

IGuy, really? You want to live this way forever?

Divorce is not the worst thing in the world.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

iGuy said:


> I'm losing some weight, working hard but hell - I know in my heart of hearts that my wife will NEVER truly love me. For as long as I live (which is hopefully not long [aged 33]) - I will continuously suffer sexual rejection at the hands of my wife!!!!!!!


If you are seriously at the point of hoping you die young, at the barely ripe age of 33, then yes, you need to get a divorce. If the misery is that high within your marriage, and you are that unhappy, you are doing your children no favors by staying with their mother.

This is a lose-lose situation for all parties involved. At this point you have become the author of your own misery, and your kids do NOT need to exist around that level of unhappiness and despair.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

iGuy said:


> I KNOW, right!? 2 nights ago, I tried to make a move, but she just shot me down. "How can you be thinking of sex so much?" Last "sex" was about 4 weeks ago
> 
> My heart is still bleeding.
> 
> ...


Man, get on with your life now. Stop tolerating this! I've been there, and there is nothing worse than having to sleep with someone and not be able to touch them. Having them being completely indifferent to your needs, all the while giving you the "priveledge" of marriage, a room mate, bringing a paycheck home, etc. And then on top of it to have her treat it as though it's your problem or as though something is wrong with you. Been there, lived it. Had I known then what I do now, I'd have left her sorry butt much sooner than I did. 

Screw that. Don't be afraid of divorcing someone who does not want / desire / care for you or the marriage needs. 

My ex did that whole "you want sex too much" thing. Along with the "if you stopped bothering me about it, maybe I would get in the mood". So, like a wimp, I did. For 8 weeks not a move from me, mention of sex, nothing. When I finally confronted her on it, she said I was full of crap, exagerating, and oh by the way "stop pouting about it like a little boy". She still didn't believe it had been 8 weeks even after I showed her the calendar where I marked it down. And she got super pizzed like it was a terrible thing to do, and used that as her next excuse to not have sex. 

I kicked her out a few weeks later, and never looked back. She is someone elses problem and ice cube now. 

I had a long term relationship after that. Four months in she started with that crap. I walked away from it fast. 

Dude, there is a fun, loving life just waiting for you out there. May take a while to find it, but it's out there. You're not going to find it chasing after a lost cause. I'm in bliss right now, and have been for years. What the hell was I ever thinking banging ny head against a stone wall with my ex all that time?!!! What a waste of years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

These threads are always so sad....doesn't matter (to me) if the poster is male or female.

There is always such a feeling of frustration, loss and rejection.

I couldn't live your life. I wouldn't live your life.
I have children as well... 

Your world would be too soul-destroying for me.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

waiwera said:


> These threads are always so sad....doesn't matter (to me) if the poster is male or female.
> 
> There is always such a feeling of frustration, loss and rejection.
> 
> ...


Yup. There is just so great a difference between the two lives I've lived. The divorce was bad. Really bad. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat (except sooner). There's the fear of "will I find someone else" and "maybe she's right, there's something wrong with ME". And even when you're single and in the middle of a "dry spell", there's the thoughts of "damn, at least when I was married I was getting it once every month or two". Stupid thoughts brought about by having your expectations of a relationship adjusted for you and without your consent by someone else.

It is so nice to come home every day to someone who WANTS you and desires you. Sure, I still get the "off limits" signal sometimes when she's sleeping or tired. Never feel heartburn over it because I know come morning or the next evening, she's going to be not only receptive, but more often than not, she'll initiate by either actions or words. That's the difference....when someone is TRULY too tired to do so, they will make time when they are not so. Your wife is just not magically forgetting you wanted sex when she was tired. She remembers. But she's sweeping it under the rug hoping her rejection will buy her another week of "peace".

It is soul destroying. Makes it impossible to be happy in a marriage. Well, I did not get married to be someone's room mate or business partner. I married to be happy and make a commitment to someone who makes me happy. When that stops, the marriage stops (after reasonable JOINT efforts to fix it. If the effort is not a joint one, then all bets are off).


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

iGuy said:


> I KNOW, right!? 2 nights ago, I tried to make a move, but she just shot me down. "How can you be thinking of sex so much?" Last "sex" was about 4 weeks ago
> 
> My heart is still bleeding.
> 
> ...


Why are you putting up with this? You say for the chidlren. But this is not good for your children either. They are learning that this is what marriage is like... this is the kind of marriage your children will have. You and your wife are teaching them this.

Do your children a favor and teach them that love and caring is essential between husand and wife. Teach them not settle for a cold, uncaring spouse.

Can you imagine what your children will feel like one day when they realized that you put up with years of emotional abuse (this is emotional abuse) for them.. wow.. what a guilt trip.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Why are you putting up with this? You say for the chidlren. But this is not good for your children either. They are learning that this is what marriage is like... this is the kind of marriage your children will have. You and your wife are teaching them this.
> 
> Do your children a favor and teach them that love and caring is essential between husand and wife. Teach them not settle for a cold, uncaring spouse.
> 
> Can you imagine what your children will feel like one day when they realized that you put up with years of emotional abuse (this is emotional abuse) for them.. wow.. what a guilt trip.


So all of this.

My best friend on planet Earth, and beyond, is a child of divorce. He learned so much about love, and acceptance, and how to really hold out for a truly wonderful woman, from his dad's SECOND marriage. His parents were totally mismatched, and probably should never have gotten together. I can only imagine that his high quality expectations, which entail a relationship that is open, supportive, loving, and kind, might not have existed if he was subject to a lifetime of watching his parents suffer one another for his sake. 

Kids are a great catalyst to stay if there is something left to fight for. They should also be a great catalyst to leave if there is nothing left to save.

You never know, you might find love again, and give your children the gift of seeing how it's actually suppose to be done.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> This is not a vent,But a story about what I get with sex with my wife?Marrried 28 yrs.No other problems in realationship???
> Married to a Asexual,LD Wife.She is a wonderful person.But does not have a sexual desires offen.Well We have sex about twice a month.Most the time its when I back her agaist the wall and say hey its time.There is no need for foreplay she is not interested.Does not matter how nice you have been.How romanic you are.You can only have her once in a while.So about the event.You get naked,No kissing,No enjoying yourself,If you start to interduce foreplay she will say,Come on lets do this.So at that point you mount up.She leaves her top on.No tit play.You start going at it.She lays their with no emotion,Not a pip out out of her.Her face is turned sideways and you can see she just wants it to be overwith.If you take to long she will say hurry up.When finish she gets up and leaves the room fast.Then I wait for 2 weeks for another event like that one.Kinda funny why I would beg for sex when thats what I get.My bedroom is not a play ground.This story is only for those who think they got it bad.Live in my world???


She makes sex as miserable and guilty as possible hoping that one day you just do not want it. Heartbreaking indeed. 

This type of behavior would make me hate my wife no matter how "wonderful" she is otherwise.

That is not love, it's torture. Why let someone torture you twice a month?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Doesn't sound like a wonderful woman to me. Sounds like a self-centered abuser. Who, but a vile, evil creature would make her spouse feel like an unloved, unappreciated, undesired lump of human? My dog doesn't have to beg me to feed it. I don't let my dog starve for a couple weeks and then toss it a couple crumbs, just enough to keep it barely alive but never enough to satisfy the hunger. I't be kinder to shoot it.


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## hldnhope (Apr 10, 2012)

Cold, Hard truth: I'm at the point in my 18yr marriage where I might even be happy with what you have . As of now, going on 2 times in the past year....

Sadly, your story kinda makes me jealous////


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Did you ever consider your wife might be a high functioning schizophrenic with flat affect? While it's neither here nor there that's the kind of behavior you see in people who are the victims of gang rape and other forms of monstrous abuse leaving them more or less dissociated from reality.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If a woman fed or changed her infant once a month nobody would consider her of being a good mother. The baby can't attend to it's own needs and her husband can't make himself feel loved.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Did you ever consider your wife might be a high functioning schizophrenic with flat affect? While it's neither here nor there that's the kind of behavior you see in people who are the victims of gang rape and other forms of monstrous abuse leaving them more or less dissociated from reality.


When someone willingly agrees to a marriage, they are purporting themselves to be physically, emotionally, and psychologically suitable for marriage. If I'm lame, I have no business signing up for the Olympic track team. It's a pity some folks are physical or emotional cripples but it doesn't give them the right to enter into a contract they know they can't fulfill and that they have no intention of fulfilling. It doesn't give them license to drag a healthy heterosexual down into the pits of cellibacyland against their consent. If these folks honestly would tell their fiance's that they had no real sexual desire, none of them would be married. No, they generally have to pretend long enough to spring the trap.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> When someone willingly agrees to a marriage, they are purporting themselves to be physically, emotionally, and psychologically suitable for marriage.


People don't come with warranties. I mean if they did, then having a drivers' license would more or less ensure you're a good driver, no? But that's clearly nonsense.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

iGuy, 

Ask your wife since she's not interested, could you find someone outside the marriage (or a pro) who is? Tell her nothing else will have to change (she'll still have the house with the picket fence, 2.5 children, the dog and the attentive hubby).

This way she doesn't have to "get dirty" anymore and your problem is solved too!

I think this is a Win/Win for the two of you!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Toffer said:


> iGuy,
> 
> Ask your wife since she's not interested, could you find someone outside the marriage (or a pro) who is? Tell her nothing else will have to change (she'll still have the house with the picket fence, 2.5 children, the dog and the attentive hubby).
> 
> ...


Tof, have you tried this? and did it work?..


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Of course not. They don't want you to touch them and they don't want to touch you but you had better not go elsewhere for it... :scratchhead:


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> People don't come with warranties. I mean if they did, then having a drivers' license would more or less ensure you're a good driver, no? But that's clearly nonsense.


A warranty is useful for a product sold in good faith that happens to later break. I'm talking about contracts entered into with the intention of committing fraud. None of us know what physical or mental illness might appear after marriage. A whole lot of players know full well they have zero sex drive but they waltz down the aisle and exchange vows anyway and then start with the endless array of excuses. It's just plain wrong.


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