# Stuck



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hey everyone,

I got separated last year and since then I don't really know what to do with my life anymore. I'm stuck and need help. I am struggling with what is logical vs what might make me happier. 

Bit about myself and my current situation.... I am 25 years old, been working at this company for 7 years now. It's a great job, with great pay, stable, full benefits and the people are amazing. I don't have any post secondary education but I am a bilingual (en and fr). My ex and I bought a house together last year. It's a great house in a great neighborhood and we got an amazing deal on it. I have 2 years left of the mortgage to go. Shortly after we bought the house, I came home one day and she moved out. Long story short, she was unhappy. You can read more in another thread I wrote called the hell of divorce.

So yeah. Prior to all this crap, my goal was to keep working at my job, buy a house, get married, start a business on the side (still in the process of raising capital) and start having kids. Now I don't know what to do. The basement flooded this year and it seems it's due to an old wooden window frame. Plans are to fix that this summer, but the stress was so high that if it floods again next year (meaning it's the foundation), I want out. the responsibilities of owning a house take a lot of my time and the costs are pretty high. I have a couple renters now, so it pays itself, but still. I also feel depressed in this house. We were suppost to share it. I feel like moving out would help with the pain.

I've lived in my current city the majority of my life. I have a great network of friends, and in particular a handful of really awesome friends. My friends and I play and record music and lately I've been getting more and more involved with audio engineering. My family is small and they all live in the city too. They have my support to do whatever, but I struggle just leaving everyone behind.

I'm an extremely liberal pagan hippy and am getting really tired of living in a city where the majority is conservative bible-thumpers and cowboys. There are less than 200,000 ppl here and I am really tired of this place.

Moving and starting fresh is difficult, I get that. My struggle is I don't really know where to go and I have a ton of crap to take with me. 

Here is my dream city: 

1) Primarily liberal city with a large and active pagan community. Cannabis is generally accepted. 

2) A vibrant, cultural and large music scene. I am not a dancer but I like the nightlife. I play several instruments and I love jazz and death metal.

3) Plenty of dating options. I think I want to live somewhere with +400,000 ppl minimum. 

4) Ideally in Canada, but I am open to suggestions. My current thoughts are somewhere near Vancouver BC, Quebec city, Seattle WA, Humboldt County CA, Boulder CO or Eugene OR or Portland OR.

Thanks for reading!!


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Well, personally, if you've never lived in another city, then you should absolutely do it. You are so young. This is the time to be exploring life. Maybe you should get your post secondary degree? Find a university and go...or try out other things. But if you have the desire to explore the world, the 20's are when to do it.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Is it worth experimenting if it is not logical? 

I don't know. I guess I lack faith sometimes. It's easy to be still when you are so cozy. Thx for the post!

Anyone else have thoughts? Can someone tell me about their moving experiences maybe?


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## onlysunshine (Mar 15, 2015)

Before I even finished reading your post, I thought you should move to Portland. Sounds like exactly what you're looking for. You're young and relatively unencumbered - it is never going to be easier to move than it is right now.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

pragmaster said:


> Is it worth experimenting if it is not logical?


Logical? What's not logical about exposing yourself to new experiences?


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## stormydays (May 31, 2013)

You're 25, which is very young. Trying out a new place might be just what you need. I've moved a lot in my life for job opportunities, and while it's scary at first you can settle into a new place if you do research first and put yourself out there in terms of meeting new people. I would recommend visiting the places you mention to get a feel for them. Also check out the economy in each area. And rent something in a vibrant neighborhood.

You sound like a Seattle (pretty urban) or Portland (moderately urban) person to me. Eugene is a smaller version of those places. Humboldt County is beautiful but isolated and rural (not a great economy). I've never been to QC.

Why not? You can visit your friends and family, and move back if you hate it. But do your research beforehand and give it time ... It will be hard at first, but who knows what amazing things could come of it!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

You're only 25 and only have 2 years left on your mortgage? Wow, that's impressive!

My vote is yes, move, start over! Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Austin, Colorado Springs or Charlotte (lots of young people, but maybe too Bible Beltish for you).


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

You don't have to think of it as a "move" more like an adventure or a long trip. You could return whenever you want. 

Here are the top 10 cities with the best music scene according to this article. 

Top 10 Cities in North America Whose Music Scenes Are Exploding Right Now


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Does your employer have branches in other cities? Maybe you could get a short term opportunity somewhere else, where you could rent an apartment and get to know the new area, see if it's a good fit.

You could definitely also go do some post-secondary education. If further education benefits your employer, there may be way to arrange tuition assistance or leaves of absence. Moving away for education will also put you in close proximity to other people your age who are doing the same thing.

As noted, you are very young, even though you seem to have jumped ahead in life in many ways (home ownership, for example). It's pretty normal to change your life goals at this point, and it sounds like you have the flexibility to do so.

And yes, selling the house, even if you stay in the same city and job, will help a LOT in moving on after your separation. It's full of memories dragging you back into pain. Maybe do that first and see if it's enough for now?

Just be careful not to create additional stress for yourself. For example, you may want to stay near your home city so that visiting your family and old friends is not too expensive. And some of the place you list as thinking about living may have much higher costs of living than you have now. Don't add too much financial stress or lack of family support to your problems.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I live in Portland. C'mon up, you'll love it here.

Weed is legal here, but they can't sell it retail just yet...however, 10 miles away is:

New Vansterdam - Recreational Marijuana Washington

In Portland there are medicinal dispensaries on every corner, and the buzz is that these will all be able to sell retail as early as July, but if not then by the end of this year.

The cost of living is ok, UNLESS you want to live somewhere cool, in which case the cost of living is f*cking ridiculous.

The thing is though...the weather really does suck here 75% of the year, so unless you are truly aware of what it is like to live in a literal rain forest, you may not be prepared for this. I've lived in the Pacific NW all my life and still can't stand the rain and feel depressed every day it rains.

Then there is three months in summer and early fall that just blow you away...the weather is so perfect, you forget all about the rain and just thank god you live in such a beautiful place!!

But then...October happens. (Seattle is even worse, though).

Anyway, come visit and check it out at least!


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

How is life in California? In particular, San Francisco and Santa Monica ?

I'd have to get a green card, but just curious. I've never been to the states, so apart from what I know from the media (a.k.a gun crazy racist stereotypes), I don't know anything about life down there.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Anybody? 

I'm down to these:

Canuck:
-Quebec City
-Just outside of Montreal
-Just outside of Vancouver like Kamloops or Golden

Yankee
-Seattle
-Portland
-San Fran
-Eugene

Thoughts?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

pragmaster said:


> Anybody?
> 
> I'm down to these:
> 
> ...


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