# Newbie to forum and marriage



## Tsquare9 (Oct 8, 2011)

Hoping someone here could give me some advice and/or opinions.

Here's my situation. I have been with my wife for 6 years, married now for a little over a year (June 2010). Since getting married, we agreed to move from Dallas to San Antonio, to be closer to family. We did so knowing that only one of us might land a job, and that we might have to live on one income until the other found a job. Although we've both been pretty active in the job search, she always preferred that I get the job first so she could follow, since I was the one who followed her to Dallas.

Within the last couple of months, she tells me she has more responsibilities and that work is getting better. She also talks about a client she's been working with and how he's her "favorite consultant". Let's call him Bob. She's admitted that she's found Bob attractive, but there's only "one person for her". I'm really not a jealous person, so I never thought much of it.

The last month, she's been working pretty late, a couple nights a week. Again, I didn't think much of it. Since we both work in the same industry, it's pretty common to have the occasional late night. However, I've been noticing some little things that aren't adding up, which just seem a little too suspicious for me - ex., having her phone with her all the time (bathroom), being overprotective of her phone, erasing the browsing history on my computer, etc.

The short story...I get a job offer in SA. Initially, we're both thrilled and excited. As we talked more, she suggested that I move first because she wants to wrap up her project that has a November 18 deadline. She wants to leave on a good note. I'll be starting on October 31 so what's a couple of weeks? I'm okay with that.

So just recently, I pick up her phone to look something up and her screen is on a text text message conversation between her and Bob. Yeah, it's friendly, lots of LOLs and , stuff like that. When I do go onto her phone's web browser to search what I was looking up, I see she's searched for him online.

We bring up our life plan again and she tells me today that we should anticipate being away from each other as long as the beginning of next year, when the final, final deadline is for her project. She says it will be hard on one income, and "you never know in this economy." She says I would be thinking the same if the roles were reversed.

I can't be for sure about anything right now, I don't want to jump to any conclusions. I've never snooped through her emails, followed her to work, done any stalker-husband-type things. I've been pretty trusting. So my question is, what is my plan of action? Do I confront her about her texts and searches for Bob? Do I do the stalker-husband-type thing and snoop through her emails, follow her to work? If I do this, she will bring up the trust issue. I just don't have a good feeling about any of this. I've never had this feeling before in our relationship, it sucks.

Thanks in advance.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Your gut feelings/instincts/intuition are like your sixth sense. They take inputs from all your other senses and, well try and make sense of them. And right now they are telling you things aren’t adding up.

If you wife is cheating or intending to cheat she will not be honest with you. Going by what you say she already has a well thought out plan to cheat. If you confront her with just what your gut is telling you, then you will be much worse off if she is cheating because she will lie and deceive and accuse you of anything just to get you off of the scent.

So what can you do? In essence you MUST either validate or invalidate your gut feelings. And you DON’T do that by asking your wife. You do it by SNOOPING/SPYING. Key loggers, mobile phone records, voice activated recorders and such. For more information on these things make a post in the Coping with Infidelity sub forum and the guys there will be pleased to help you out.

Believe me, as a man married for near 40 years I can tell you snooping is the only way you will ever get peace of mind over the coming months and years.


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