# Been married for 22 years but I can't take it anymore



## justwanttobeabetterdad (Feb 14, 2021)

My wife does not work and never has. She has depression and has no motivation to do so. We have two grown kids, she had two before we met. I have tried so hard to keep a tight family and to include everyone in holidays and interest in their lives, but she has such a chip on her shoulder(blames it on her upbringing or lack there of) that she hates all of the kids and now that I have a grandkid we have fights everytime I visit or even do ANYTHING for our grandson. She is mad at out daughter for marrying the son and law she detests. She didn't attend the wedding and to her credit our daughter did kind of rebel and marry him. How long do I wait for her to forgive this? Our grandson is growing up and I am missing out on one of lifes great moments because of her. She is getting worse. The statement I started with about her not working is making us miserable as she has NOTHING going on and clings to me. I cannot do anything, including sneaking off to see our daughter and her son, without her getting very angry. What do I do?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Ignore her anger and go see your child and grand child. It's a control technique that appears to have worked so far. I would also speak to an attorney about what it's going to cost to get rid of the dead weight...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You can and should own your own life. Your wife maybe a problem but it sounds like you are your bigger problem.

You teach people how they can treat you.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Her getting angry keeps you in control... stop falling for it. Let’s get real.... she is dead weight on your life.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

First, I hope she is being treated by a Dr for her depression -- it is a physical imbalance that requires proper medical attention -- it's NOT just someone being sad.
AS for her NOT talking to the daughter for marrying someone your WIFE didn't like -- well guess what -- it was HER DAUGHTERS decision NOT hers. She doesn't have to agree with it or like it, but her punishing the D and YOU and the grandchild, etc. -- what does that achieve? She isn't going to change her D's mind, so what's the point? Holding a grudge at this point is just hurting YOU.
Agree with others -- do NOT let your wife stop you from seeing D and grandchild.
Tell her "Look, I understand you don't like what she did, but it's done. YOU doing this won't change that, and I don't want to be punished by not seeing my grandchild. YOU don't have to go see them, but YOU should not be stopping ME from doing that. You holding this grudge does NOTHING but alienate everyone."


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

She sounds lovely, and here, I thought my life sucked.
Lawyer now, best of luck to you and your children/grandchildren.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

How long do you wait for her to forgive? No one can answer that but her and she may not know. But it could be never so do what you have to do.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wow. Depression is not an excuse for the terrible way she treats her family. 

No way would I be kept from my child or grandchild. What a sour cow.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Save yourself.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Wow. Depression is not an excuse for the terrible way she treats her family.


It really depends on the degree of depression. Sounds to me, she is not on any anti-depressants therapy if she is still behaving like that. OP, can you expand on this?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Growing up i had a favorite uncle like, this. He lived nearby, within bicycle distance.
He was a great guy, handsome, and the nicest and kindest man. 

He was the father, I wished for.

His first wife was beautiful, but cheated on him. 

His second wife was a tall, large boned and plain German lady who hated children.
She clung to him like glue and tried every which way to control his every movement.
She was a very sad lady.

She won and the rest of the family suffered his absence. 

He used to be very athletic, was into skiing, bicycling, and swimming (he did this with us kids). She overfed the poor guy and he ended up becoming obese and dying at 60 of heart failure. 

When the other relatives asked him about her behavior, he jokingly told them that she was a tiger in bed, so that made up for her faults!


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

You're the one who allows her to control you with her anger. Go get your nuts out of her purse and stand up for yourself. Act like a man and do what you want to do. The anger is her problem, not yours.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

justwanttobeabetterdad said:


> How long do I wait for her to forgive this? Our grandson is growing up and I am missing out on one of lifes great moments because of her.


You don't, because...


> She is getting worse.


This is going to keep getting worse and worse. 

If your wife wants to be miserable, so be it but stop letting her take you down with her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Nothing and no one would ever stop me seeing my children and grandchildren. She sounds like a bitter, resentful and miserable person. Please dont let her blame her childhood, I know many people who had a terrible childhood who are really lovely people.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Be straight with her. Tell her with confidence that you're not going to miss out on anymore time with your family because of the things SHE chooses to be upset about. Then go do what you want to do.

I know it sounds simple in words, and practice is much more difficult. 

Baby steps.


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