# ALCOHOL-drawing the lines...



## freeshias4me

What IS the fine line when it comes to alcohol?
At what point are you "just" someone who likes one or 2 (or more drinks a day)...And at what point do you become an alcoholic?
(I heard if you "need" even one drink day, you're already an alcoholic...)
My brother has been told to cut back his alcohol by his doctor, because he is developing a fatty liver...But no one would EVER call him an alcoholic...
But my husband??? I'm trying to figure out where he lies.
I think he may be dependant on alcohol.


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## draconis

mommy22 said:


> You'll probably get a different definition from everyone, but I honestly think that if you "need" even one a day, you're an alcoholic. I don't think one a day would necessarily be detrimental, but it's more the notion of dependency as a coping mechanism. Does he get headaches or nervous when he doesn't have it? Is it the ONLY way he can relax? I get headaches if I don't have my coffee every morning. I don't drink any caffeine for the rest of the day, but I still realize I have a caffeine addiction. If I don't get it, I'm moody and taking headache medicine. I think my husband (a recovering addict) would agree.


:iagree:

draconis


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## justean

its actually ( in a nice way) nice to look at this thread. i have for many years considered my husband to be an alcoholic. he is of course in great denial. says he drinks to relax, but his prob is he dont know when to take a step back, dont know when enough is enough. 
i agree that ppl will have different versions. 
but no one would say my hubby is an alcoholic. he has a couple almost every night and weekends ( well i just hate weekends at the moment). goes all sullen , eyes draw to a near close, falls asleep, leaving me to sort out our children and me left alone at night to twiddle my thumbs.

i personally think that an alcoholic is someone that drinks like my hubby. an almost everyday occurrence. 

the funny thing is though, my hubby attended his local drs, who diagnosed depression. the tablets did help. but i do think his drink had a lot to do with his depression. but and you guessed it - did he actually tell his dr about his drinking habits, the answer was NO.
his gp was given the impression , my hubby does not touch a drop.
i just wish i was there.


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## draconis

justean said:


> its actually ( in a nice way) nice to look at this thread. i have for many years considered my husband to be an alcoholic. he is of course in great denial. says he drinks to relax, but his prob is he dont know when to take a step back, dont know when enough is enough.
> i agree that ppl will have different versions.
> but no one would say my hubby is an alcoholic. he has a couple almost every night and weekends ( well i just hate weekends at the moment). goes all sullen , eyes draw to a near close, falls asleep, leaving me to sort out our children and me left alone at night to twiddle my thumbs.
> 
> i personally think that an alcoholic is someone that drinks like my hubby. an almost everyday occurrence.
> 
> the funny thing is though, my hubby attended his local drs, who diagnosed depression. the tablets did help. but i do think his drink had a lot to do with his depression. but and you guessed it - did he actually tell his dr about his drinking habits, the answer was NO.
> his gp was given the impression , my hubby does not touch a drop.
> i just wish i was there.


My brother use to drink a beer or two a night before bed. He was diagnosed as an alcoholic for ten beers a week! Regular drinking, the feeling of needing them or binge drinking can be just as bad as those that get plastered. They have the same problem and are one step from going over the edge. Most people would never think they could be the one.

draconis


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## justean

thankfully i have only had the alcohol to deal with, but thankyou for your lovely mail. it really is just that, not getin plastered everynight. its the feeling of needing it. 
there was only the one time of being over the edge and that was where he got to admit that he had a prob, family could just not take it n e more.although like i said the gp did not know about the real intake of alcohol.

i d actually like to see what my hubbys kidneys and liver look like. 
being a nurse ive seen a lot. 

but for my hubby - you know he is very , very , very rarely ill. he did smoke but gave up 20 years ago.
now me, i very rarely drink, i dont smoke. when i go , im on the organ donor list and yet im always having ailments. when im gone, they probably wont want me.....lol


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## freeshias4me

...And don't you hate that? I'm like that too...Don't smoke or take drugs, don't drink exessively, yet I'm the one who's always sick...Yet others take their health for granted and throw it away.


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## justean

your a star. ive got a head cold now. had 3 in 7 weeks. i blame working in a hospital. but you make me laugh and coff at the same time. 
i asked my hubby the other day. as since you started your thread, you got me thinking more. i actually said to my hubby, i think your an alcoholic. he looked me in the eye and said no. 
so i asked him to define an alcoholic.
his answer was someone who depends on it throughout each day to get by. 
i lost my uncle a number of years ago. he was an alcoholic . alcohol was what he lived for. ive seen other alcoholics through my work and they are just as dependant. sneaking bottles into work. smelling of it all day. dont eat, alcohol for breakfast , dinner and tea and for inbetween snacks. 
my hubby has and this depends , usually 3 after work. more when its hot weather. family bbqs have not helped for the past 4 weeks. so i ve had to shelve and limit them. koz its one bottle after another. he has got rid of stupid friends who dose him up with extra pints on the bar, so he doesnt come home(in the past).
n e thing in moderation is acceptable. 
ive had different periods of drink issues with my hubby over the years. its actually the worst times of his life, that he gave up.
stop drinking fro 6 months after dad died, vowed never to drink again.
laugh
and this yr in april08 , one night stand fuelled by drink and mates egging him on and an antidepressive tablet. then he stopped drinking for 3 months. 
but since then , has not drank in a pub , only around me. 
ohhhh arent i the lucky one.


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## freeshias4me

Your husband had a one night stand?! :0
I've debated if I could forgive my husband if he ever did that to me...
Not much chance of it though, he's usually not got enough sex drive to even give me much...LOL

My husband's definition of an alcoholic is someone who sits and does nothing all day and drinks. He's not an alcoholic for some reason if he's working hard and drinking. :0


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## PSJ71

There are definite degrees of alcoholism. My husband is an alcoholic, but he won't admit it. He does not drink every day, but EVERY time his family gets together, they have to make it a point to make the event happen around alcohol. His mother is very, very bad. She works in a nursing home and her days off change each week. She doesn't work the normal 5 days with 2 days off. But when she is off she STAYS drunk the entire time. She just came up for a week's vacation and she pretty much stayed lit the entire time. We have a 6-1/2-year-old and when she is not drinking he will make references like, "you wanna some more beer gramma?" Once in a convenience store she went in to buy some pop and took him in with her, and he said right in front of everyone "You gonna get some beer gramma?" So, she does it so much that even he knows. I didn't drink when I first got with my husband, but had one once in a blue moon, but I have stopped it completely because I feel as if I condone it. It has caused a lot of problems in our relationship which is why I am here. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do about it. 

Like I said, it's not every day, but usually when he goes out with his dad and brother, he will get totally wasted. There have been other problems in our relationship besides the drinking, but his family is the cause for most of it. I really think my husband would stop if it weren't for his family. So, what do you do when your mate's family are the bad influences?


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## justean

with my hubby over the 13 yrs, i have had different situations that arise with drink, some i coped with and some i did not. in this time a couple of his friends had tried to split us up.
my answer to this was hubby was a mouse not a man. stuck up for his stupid friends over a loving wife and 2 children. 
he is a follower not a leader.
when hubby had the one night stand - to answer freesia4me, you deal with situations when they arise , its no good thinking about the whats, ifs , maybes. were working through it. i dont forget, but i do forgive. its the forgiveness that can take you through.
back to the alcohol. on the night hubby went out, fuelled by drink, aggressive - but i believe his mate was so adamant hubby ws staying out, he fuelled the fire for him, pushed the pints and wound up hubby all night, what an awful wife i was etc. 
then he told hubby to go and ;;;; her and he would cover up for him. drink with anti depressants is a no no, he still wont listen. 
but he is a different person now.
however 4 weeks ago. we starting having family over for weekends. it quickly turned into a every fri,sat and sun drinking. 
luckily i came onto this thread and talked to my mother. so thankyou so much for starting this. it made me strong. 
that night i told my hubby i am not taking this n e more. its me or the excess drinking, i say that , because sincerely i dont mind n e thing in moderation. 
i came to the conclusion that i love my husband , but if i cannot have him, then i wont. but i finally accepted that i dont have to fall out of love with my husband to leave him. 
i just know that i have taken about as much as i can in 13 yrs and the one night stand. i wil not wait for a new phase of excess drinking to start again. my mind really is set now that i would have to move on.


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## Mrs. Negestie

If you need a drink everyday are you need a drink that means you are alcoholic. If you were just drinking that would be somthing different but if need somthing that means that you are now dependent of it.


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## GAsoccerman

the question is can he go without it? There are times where I can have a beer or two everyday. Then i'll get bored or sick of it. and then I will go months without it, until one day I say hey I think I will have a beer.

But I work out and drink water like a fish, and I eat healthy, see my photo album, I stay in shape for the most part. 

really boils down to the person, can they go without it? I know I can, but I do like the tase of a good beer, not any beer a well crafted beer. 

I think allot depends on the person and what they need to function. I guess you can say I am addicted to water I ahve to ahve at least a gallon of water every day or I feel dyhydrated. I'm definately addicted to water.

Beer i can take it or leave it.


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## Honey

freeshias4me said:


> What IS the fine line when it comes to alcohol?
> At what point are you "just" someone who likes one or 2 (or more drinks a day)...And at what point do you become an alcoholic?
> (I heard if you "need" even one drink day, you're already an alcoholic...)
> My brother has been told to cut back his alcohol by his doctor, because he is developing a fatty liver...But no one would EVER call him an alcoholic...
> But my husband??? I'm trying to figure out where he lies.
> I think he may be dependant on alcohol.



When you can't stop or say no to someone that is shoving a drink under your nose. When you drink it more than another other drink like water. I heard one glass of red wine is good for you, but even I don't do that. I have enough on my plate, and I don't need more. If you think your husband has a drinking problem, hide the booz, or if you buy it with the food, don't. If he acts mean or goes out to get it, then you kow he can't live w/o it (so to speak). I would take him to AA meetings or something. I would at least do my best to try to help him stop. 
If he doesn't, at least you know you tried.


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## Farfignewton

Without regards to any other criteria for alcoholism, if your doctor tells you to cut back because it is affecting your liver, then I'd say, "yeah, you're an alcoholic."


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## Sweet love

freeshias4me said:


> What IS the fine line when it comes to alcohol?
> At what point are you "just" someone who likes one or 2 (or more drinks a day)...And at what point do you become an alcoholic?
> (I heard if you "need" even one drink day, you're already an alcoholic...)
> My brother has been told to cut back his alcohol by his doctor, because he is developing a fatty liver...But no one would EVER call him an alcoholic...
> But my husband??? I'm trying to figure out where he lies.
> I think he may be dependant on alcohol.


20 glass a week and you are an alcoholic, it includes wine, beer and strong alcohol, but a glass of wisky count for 2 to 3..

so 5 liter wine a week and oyu are an alcoholic, or combination wine and beer. like 12 beers a week and 2 liter wine.
Thats enough. Over it, you are in deep trouble.

For a woman thats 12 a week,
12 beers a week. Or 6 beers, 1 liter wine, and a glass of liquor or gin or wisky. If you drink i beer a day after work, and then in the weekend have a diner and drink 4 glasses of wine, and go out and ahve one gin or else stronger than beer, then you beocem an alcoholic.
Thats the official health documentation about when alcoholism start. Women 12, men 20 to 24 alcoholic beverage a week.

If his lever is damaged he is into deep.
But if he is fat too that could explain.
First sign of alcohlism the lever expand, and expand and get huge, hten it die and becoem smaller and smaller, and htats why firststage the guys are fat and then they get skinny. Thats when they are closer to the grave. And that step can happen very fast.
From the day the guy get skinny it a question of 3 months or weeks.
I had a friend who ended there.. in the grave. I met him in the street, a month back he was this round guy and he had became all thin.. 3 weeks later i was at his funerail.


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## Honey

Oh, that's sad.


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## Sweet love

Mostly expected. He was a greate pianist. Well known. and he flush it all the toilet also his marriage, for the bottle.
he even sold his Steinway for it so that was far out he even gave unique recording of piano concert hold by now dead very known artists in a priovate session using a special wind pipe piano in austreich, that he gave away for 3 beers at a local pub..
same went with unique books antiquity, everything went out.
And after eh did so he couldnt record it and search after those things and thougth he had been stollen by his.. friends!
he accused me of it a couple of times..
it was terrible.
But his last 3 months, he was in the stret had lost his home and all. 
Froma known pianist givign concert at the symphony, and being acclamed and so much wanted, he ended up as an alcoholic in the street living in his own dirt, unshaved, long stinky and greasy hairs, eyes blured, who couldnt talk rigth, shaking like hell, and lost.
he was still kind till the last. he was a very nice and talented, and smiling and generous, and funny person.
but he died of alcoholism.

Alcohol is an egoistic *****. it give nothing over leave nothing over to anyone else. and it eat you to the bone. There si no difference between coke or heroin or alcohol. They all create dependency based on the same part of the brain and cause same sufferign in life and physicaly.
They said oh so many lies at his funerail.. so many bad friends and good weather friends there.. cause he was known..
so many pweople who had did him worng and even came with some bottle while he was under treatment to recover form it and who broke his treatement and were directly the cause of his death.
So many nobodies saying whatever about the guy.
I didnt made a speech,. There was nothign to say. He had said it all.
i was with him to fight the beast. I just didnt knew what kind of beast it was.. Now i do. But he is gone.


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## Chris H.

Here are the DSM criteria for diagnosing alcoholism. This is what mental health practitioners go by:

Alcohol Abuse and Dependence - Diagnosis - mentalhealthchannel


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## Honey

I won't let this happen to me.


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## Sweet love

I do hope so..

thats really scary. I saw it first hand.. i was the last person to take care of him and the last person to give up on him...

he was pretty out of it, until htat guy came, another pianist but not talented at all who came back from Belgien with special belgians beers with him "specialy for you" knwoign that the guy just ahd caem up form alcohol rehab and was over it..
i wanted to kill him!
I said to him "are you his friend or are you a judas!?"
all sweet talking and poinsoning him at the same itme knowing that the way down is fast and the way up is so hard specialy when you did it many times..
i should have throw him out,. today i know better, but i didn tback then.
I should have forbid him to ever come seeing him.

and it went real fast after that..
it was sommer, and he died in winter.

drinking hospital sprit at the end and wearing some of the hospital clothes.. in the street.. siting on the pavement and beggin for money..
Some people were asking is that him? the pianist? they couldnt beleive it.

he was also teacher at the music conservartorium and had got fired form there for beign so drunk during new eyears eve that he colapsed in ethilic coma, and had to be brought out with an ambulance..

that was when he went for 9 months in rehab.. it went fine. and then a divorce and then the judas with his beers, and 6 months later he was dead.
you can say he died a few months after coming out of rehab so its never given that you are out of it..
thats the worse i think.


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## Honey

I will not loose what I have worked so hard for over anything or anyone.


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## Sweet love

Thats a good attitude. I wont either.
on the other hand i dont have alcohl problem or dependency prob so i cant knwo how it is to be in that place, but i saw it close range several tiems so i got an idea... of how bad itcan be for "the others".. kids friends family...
also gthe kids once they are 30 36 yeard old..and still ahvign stigmate from their dad drinking problems.
like cutting themselves on the face and the body..
anothe rway to deal with emotional problems..
soem drink some cut themselves.

and some fart! LOLK! sorry i wanted ot bring some light in here..


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## freeshias4me

"If you think your husband has a drinking problem, hide the booz, or if you buy it with the food, don't. If he acts mean or goes out to get it, then you kow he can't live w/o it (so to speak). "

Heh heh...One time I poured the bottle of wine out on the driveway. The nosey next door neighbour saw...I think she was shocked at my "balls"!


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## swedish

Well, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy but I suppose if the two are used for the same result, numbing feelings/masking pain it's a clear sign alcohol has become a crutch.


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## kiran23

mommy22 said:


> You'll probably get a different definition from everyone, but I honestly think that if you "need" even one a day, you're an alcoholic. I don't think one a day would necessarily be detrimental, but it's more the notion of dependency as a coping mechanism. Does he get headaches or nervous when he doesn't have it? Is it the ONLY way he can relax? I get headaches if I don't have my coffee every morning. I don't drink any caffeine for the rest of the day, but I still realize I have a caffeine addiction. If I don't get it, I'm moody and taking headache medicine. I think my husband (a recovering addict) would agree.


I agree...
You can take her help......


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