# New here going through Divorce from a cruel selfish man



## HaJas (Nov 3, 2021)

Hello,

I was looking for a Divorce/d woman's group, but guess that's not a reality. My situation, is long sad, completely frustrating, but also a good example to those biding their time and waiting (for what only you know). I am learning so many things I never wanted to know. Firstly, no, the courts are not easier on women, don't p!ss me off with that trash! This man is being allowed to drag me through the court system at his leisure when all me and my daughters want is to move on and find peace. Second, attorneys are no prize, I have spent so much money on attorneys, see first item, and I have nothing to show for it but more future court dates and supoenias that are not being taken seriously. Lastly, this man. Married to him for 24 years, the last 15 were terrable, but I was trying to make it through so that my girls could at least be through school and we could separate fairly. Aren't I Hilarious. He filed for divorce last April after I told him I wanted a divorce (reasons private family stuff), and in June after I would not agree to settle with out his finicial disclose documents and without a trust for the house sale proceeds, he quit working and called the police on me three days in a row, falsely accusing me of assault, no one was arrested because he was lying. However, I could not deal with it anymore. So that was the last time I was at my home. I grabbed a few things, all my work stuff (I work from home), my daughters and pets and fled my home for the last time. Here I am, months without any furniture or house supplies and he for the third time has been allowed to file court motions on me for contempt. He keeps falsely accusing me of things just to be found out in court. Meanwhile, racking up my attorney fees. I am so frustrated with the justice system, my attorney, him, but mostly myself. Why didn't I leave sooner? Why would I allow myself to except his crumbs of broken love for so long? Why does one do that? I knew my marriage was dead for years, but I just kept hanging on, trying, justifying, putting future end dates on behaviors... Insecurities? Yep! Shame? Fear? Yep! On and on these doubts grew and multiplied. But, ya know what? When I finally fled my house, those same doubts where there. But here I am, serving. Learing, growing and at times thriving. Although my attorney has caused me no real justice and is bleeding me dry and the 'justice' and 'family court' systems are completely broken. I will get through this and hopefully I can make some friends along the way. Look for friendly peeps to talk trash with while we hold eachother up!


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Decide what you can live with - that seems fair to you and make him a reasonable offer of settlement.
You must have seen your taxes that have been filed over the years…what does history say he earns against what you earn? 
Agree to sell property so you can divide things and move forward.
Sometimes losing a little bit is a gain if you can get things final and separated.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

HaJas said:


> Firstly, no, the courts are not easier on women, don't p!ss me off with that trash!


Welcome to world of most men when they want a divorce and have children. It's been going on forever for men, so I know the feeling. 
You probably need a better lawyer, and a recap of his dismissal of allegations in court, and beat him at his own game by turning the game on him, but most likely you need a better lawyer it seems. get a shark.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm so sorry you're going through all that. He sounds like a sociopath. Just stay focused on getting the divorce papers signed. He's nothing but a lead weight around your waist. Once you get him out of the picture you will be fine. 

I have a friend who's going through something unusual and similar right now that I can't even talk about on here. She's getting the crap end of the stick while being bullied. She's all heart and never hurt anybody. I'm afraid all that does is attract people who take advantage of it.


----------

