# how do i fix this?



## lilgreenmonkey4 (Jul 24, 2008)

this past monday i went out with some girlfriends of mine to a house party. my boyfriend was 300 miles away with his family. he decided to go there due to a HUGE argument we had earlier in the day. at the party i did some unfavorable things beginning with drinking , and smoking pot (which i haven't done in years). all of this led to the fact that i ended up cheating on my boyfriend. i did not have sex with the guy. three of my girlfriends and two of my guy friends were playing dare in a room. it was just us. i ended up kissing two guys, one of the girls, and flashing them. those were my dares. being drunk was not an excuse for what i did but i feel so terrible. i have never ever been a cheater. i told my boyfriend what happened as soon as i got home that night. i could never lie to him. i told him and he freaked out and dumped me. we talked a couple of days later and he said he could never let go of what i did. then after he left he text messaged me saying that he was willing to consider the proposal i made to fix us which was to give him a few weeks to try and think if he can get over it and we could start over fresh. that is where we currently stand. we have almost been together for 3 years and i can not picture my life without him. i want so badly to fix this i have made him promises i am going to keep which are such as not going to clubs or parties without him (unless it's only girls). basically not to put myself into that situation again. i will stop drinking. no more smoking. i will make sure he knows where i am at all times. i know he won't trust me at first and that's why i'm ok with doing all of this. is there anything i can possibly do to make things better? i really don't want to lose him. he's starting to have high hopes that we can fix this but i don't want him to give up.


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## Mrs. Negestie (Jul 15, 2008)

I have listen to your story and I hope that you know what you are getting your self into you have broken the trust barrier that is usally never returned. If he has moved so far away just to think that means that he is very hurt.If he is willing to get back with you I would say start from the begin as if you guys have just met stay away from drinking it always distrub your thinking.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

well u made a start. you told him, so you no longer have that guilt . my hubby actually slept with someone, so your actions are to be honest, simple mistakes of life. 
who doesnt. 
i went through the same thing, ok i have insecure times and trust is big, but u r trying and willing to make amends and u have prmised yourslf that u wont put yourslf in that situation again. 
i actually dont think yopu can ask n e more of yourself.
your both keeping in touch with eachother, so your not totally out of touch.
just keep things simple, your both willing to give it a go. 
its just time now . your key here, is him forgiving you. he wont forget. but if he can forgive you and see you for the real person you are. then you can both move on from this in a positive way. 
my hubby realised he did not want to lose his wife or his family.
it was unfortunately a big quest that our marriage took a huge hit with consequences that could have easily have put our marriage in jeopardy. 
but were moving forward - we still have a future. 
if he has high hopes , thats good.
keep fightin for wht u want. just stay patient.


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## lilgreenmonkey4 (Jul 24, 2008)

the thing is he only left there because he was angry. the situation happened while he was away. he didn't move there. he just went out of spite and was returning within the next few days. i know what i did was so horrible. i am willing to do whatever it takes to mend this. he knows me better than that but i really need some hope.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Reading your posting, one thing really stood out to me. Both of you are acting rather immaturely.

Playing truth or dare while drunk. Overdrinking a theme.

He not able to handle your behavior so he goes incommunicado, leaving.

If the two of you want a mature, adult monogamous relationship, then you really need to be in the same place. I mean in the same house, in the same frame of mind.

Yes, you did a stupid thing while drunk. Are you still wanting to do reckless things? Is drinking a problem for you?

If you are not ready to be in a settled relationship, maybe you ought to not be in it.

If , on the other hand, you are ready for that, then you should consider NOT hanging out with your party friends.


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## Triton (Jul 8, 2008)

He is your Boyfriend- no papers, ring, etc. . Rock On !


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## lilgreenmonkey4 (Jul 24, 2008)

We have always both had issues with each other and never really learned how to handle them. i do not have a drinking problem. i am more of a binge drinker. i drink occasionally and when i do sometimes i over do it. i am not typically a reckless person. infact i can be quite the opposite. i am usually that person who says "hey cut that out! don't you realize what you're doing?" i'm not sure what got into me. but i am ready to drop everything for him. i am trying to prove that to him.


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## lilgreenmonkey4 (Jul 24, 2008)

btw yes he is my boyfriend. he isn't just any typical boyfriend. he has done much more for me than most guys would. so no i will not be rocking on at this point in my life.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

lilgreenmonkey4 said:


> We have always both had issues with each other and never really learned how to handle them. i do not have a drinking problem. i am more of a binge drinker. i drink occasionally and when i do sometimes i over do it. i am not typically a reckless person. infact i can be quite the opposite. i am usually that person who says "hey cut that out! don't you realize what you're doing?" i'm not sure what got into me. but i am ready to drop everything for him. i am trying to prove that to him.


Binge drinking is a drinking problem. It may not be what you consider to be a problem (every day boozing), but it is a problem nonetheless.

If you have a glass of wine or two, fine. But if you have to down enough to get blotto and then you act out destructive to your relationship, it is a drinking problem.

Anyway, I wish you two the best. Guard the love in your life and nurture it. it is not worth casting it aside to play stupid drinking games.


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## lilgreenmonkey4 (Jul 24, 2008)

i completely agree with you. thank you. i have to be stronger


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## CaryLeb (Jul 31, 2008)

Oh lilgreenmonkey4 are you in for a battle.

If your BF is willing to make a mend and start over without any retaliation you have nothing to worry about. Let the pieces falls where they may and continue your life with him. Not only does this mean that he is a mature person this also means that he is a secure man and you have a diamond in the ruff.

But there is a chance that he may want to "pay you back" just to mend his own heart. Are you prepared for it? Are you prepared to be questioned of your whereabouts and your company? Are you prepared to have this one incident thrown in your face at the beginning or tail end of every fight or disagreement that you may have? 

Right now your broken hearted and you feel guilty and you will do and say anything to get him back in your life but the question remains are you willing to compromise your sanity for his reassurance?

Like I said if he is a diamond in the ruff and all is forgiven then its just a matter of time before you guys can really start over but if he is typical then you have to make sure that you are ready for one of the biggest fights of your life.

Here's a side note:
My grandmother had a spanish saying that roughly translates to "eyes that can't see, can't hurt the heart." 

GoodLuck.....


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