# For better or for worse



## standinginthegap

I originally posted this under the coping with infidelity section, I went there in the hopes of getting positive words of encouragement. I did get advices to say the least but not what I wanted or expected, I didn't know about this section at the time, I was fairly new to the site and found it on a search I did through google. It's been a while since I've last posted anything and I figure I'd take a stab here and see what people who have experienced a restored marriage have to say.

So my husband and I have been married for about 3 years when this happened but it is still going on and I'm still here. We had one beautiful baby girl and I had just given birth to our second born child. About ten days after her being born my hubby told me he wanted a divorce and was no longer happy in our marriage. I spent months trying to convince him that we could work it out but let him tell it our marriage has run its course. My husband wanting a divorce I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen to me but I was wrong. Our youngest passed away at only a few months old and you would think that was hard but two days later I found out that he had stepped out of our marriage. Two of the hardest things they say a marriage could ever face, and I was dealing with both of them. Even with me knowing that I am willing to forgive and have our marriage to be restored. I was some what able to deal with the OW last year because she stayed states away from us, about a good 12 1/2 hour drive. It was a one night stand from someone he knew when he was younger and hadn't spoken to her in about 10-12 years and they just happened to reconnect. Before they got involved she knew he was married and has children. But it is still hard to know that the man that I love, claims to love someone else. Their encounters was very limited last year due to us staying in different states, for the most part she would fly up to sneak around with him or when he went home to his home state she would just so happen to pop up. 

The new year has begun and it brought along the mess from last year. This OW has picked up her life and moved to about 45 minutes away from us driving to be closer to my husband. She's a flight attendant and requested a new location with those intentions. Mid January my husband dropped the bomb on me that he is flying down to help this woman move the rest of her things here, seriously. It seems like my situation just went from hopeless to hopelessness. 


Below is a somewhat more detailed over view or time line: 

Meet the hubby sometime in 2009, got married in 2010 and had our first child later on that year. Didn't know at the time but first encounter happened in summer 2012 while he was away at training. Second child born 2013, passed and found out two days after. He haven't taken divorce off the table but hasn't left either, I am currently a full time student and he says he's not gonna abandon us but I won't start working until I finish school sometime later this year. So maybe that's what he has in his mind IDK. This year the woman decided to move closer. She is a flight attendant so he didn't pay for this flight to help her move because she added him under herself as family and friends that can fly free. I can't control the OW moving here, nor my husbands actions. 

He is still hurt by me and I do believe he is afraid I will hurt him again. No I have never been unfaithful to my husband but I am not gonna paint a picture of me being a perfect wife. I used to be very controlling(to the point he couldn't do things without my permission first) argumentative, I would belittle him and let him tell it made him less of a man, taken all of his happiness away, is this things all wayward spouses say maybe IDK. 

I am truly sorry for what I have done to him and have taken steps to change those things I am no longer that way. Me exposing his affair would just give him more the reason to say I knew you wouldn't change and it was just fake. He expects I'm gonna tell his command, and do all the other things for a lack of better words crazy black women do when they have been betrayed. Me feeding into any of that would just prove him right, me fighting with him about any of those things would only be what he is expecting me to do. Trying to stop him I'm sure he would have something to say about that. Some say he is only still here because he is obligated this could be true, but I am not gonna stop him from leaving (do not stand in the way of sinners) but I am not going anywhere either, divorce is not a opinion for me. 

The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and when he strikes he hits hard. Last month was a total world wind. My grades started to slip due to me focusing on my circumstances and not on my school work. One of our cars was repossessed and things keeps happening but this doesn't stop my husband from seeing her at least 3-4 times a week. Following a recent conversation I had with my hubby out of anger I gave my husband an ultimatum, his family or this woman but he couldn't have both. He choose her so I told him he was no longer welcome at our home and I put him out.

I felt like I made a huge mistake, but started to get encouraged in truly looking to and holding onto Gods power to work miracles. Sometimes I feel as if I am crazy for believing what I do and still wanting my marriage but I know I am not the only one who has gone through or is going through this.

Really looking for words of encouragement or advise from someone who has been through this and has a restored marriage.


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## Hope1964

So your husband has cheated on you for years, you have known about it and not done anything about it, you FINALLY give him an ultimatum and he chooses the OW, and you still want to be married to him ?????????????????????????

Can you not see what is WRONG with this picture??


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## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> So your husband has cheated on you for years, you have known about it and not done anything about it, you FINALLY give him an ultimatum and he chooses the OW, and you still want to be married to him ?????????????????????????
> 
> Can you not see what is WRONG with this picture??


If you wasn't going to give good advice like I stated you didn't have to respond. 

And no it's only been a few months PA, before that it was an EA I wasn't aware of at first.


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## Hope1964

I looked at your other thread, and everyone said pretty much the same thing I did. You aren't looking for good advice. You're looking for people to tell you that you're doing the right thing by acting like a doormat and enabling your husband to cheat on you.

I highly doubt that's going to happen here on TAM.


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## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> I looked at your other thread, and everyone said pretty much the same thing I did. You aren't looking for good advice. You're looking for people to tell you that you're doing the right thing by acting like a doormat and enabling your husband to cheat on you.
> 
> I highly doubt that's going to happen here on TAM.


No that's not what I'm looking for, I'm a Christian and I believe in the power of reconciliation, that is something that is of a God and that's is what I am seeking, and if I'm not mistaken that is the name of this forum. I know I am not the only person in this world that has faced infidelity. The situation might not be exactly the same but I know others have made it through and I know many people who have restored marriages.

I am not enabling him, he was well aware of how I felt about everything he was doing. Just like my profile picture says don't judge me, marriage is suppose to be about unconditional love, and love covers a multitude of sins.


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## Hope1964

Read the story of my R - the link is in my sig.

God doesn't expect people to allow their spouses to treat them like dirt, does he? He only expects people to salvage marriages when BOTH partners are committed to each other and to Him. Your husband is not committed to you. And you ARE enabling him. 'Unconditional love' is something we give our kids. If you're giving it to a spouse they way you are giving it to yours, you're giving them the opportunity to take advantage of it, and that's EXACTLY what your husband has done. Can you please show me where in the Bible it says that a wife has to stand by her man no matter what? I could show you several verses where it talks about a man cherishing and loving his wife and caring for her (I don't have time right now but will next week when I am back if you're still around). Your husband isn't doing ANY of that.

Your view of marriage and what God expects of married people is so messed up I don't even know where to start.

There is NO way true R can happen when one spouse is actively cheating. BOTH spouses MUST be 100% committed to each other. Are you going to try and tell me that your husband is 100% committed to you???


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## lenzi

standinginthegap said:


> No that's not what I'm looking for, I'm a Christian and I believe in the power of reconciliation, that is something that is of a God and that's is what I am seeking, and if I'm not mistaken that is the name of this forum.


You may believe in the power of reconciliation but your husband doesn't. 

It's not up to you. You're still trying to control him. He's not interested.

The fact that marriage is part of the forum name doesn't mean that all the posters here favor reconciliation. Especially in a situation like yours where your husband has made it clear he's chosen someone else.

This has nothing to do with your chosen religion or your believe that God has other plans. 

It's about what your husband wants and it's not you.


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## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> Read the story of my R - the link is in my sig.
> 
> God doesn't expect people to allow their spouses to treat them like dirt, does he? He only expects people to salvage marriages when BOTH partners are committed to each other and to Him. Your husband is not committed to you. And you ARE enabling him. 'Unconditional love' is something we give our kids. If you're giving it to a spouse they way you are giving it to yours, you're giving them the opportunity to take advantage of it, and that's EXACTLY what your husband has done. Can you please show me where in the Bible it says that a wife has to stand by her man no matter what? I could show you several verses where it talks about a man cherishing and loving his wife and caring for her (I don't have time right now but will next week when I am back if you're still around). Your husband isn't doing ANY of that.
> 
> Your view of marriage and what God expects of married people is so messed up I don't even know where to start.
> 
> There is NO way true R can happen when one spouse is actively cheating. BOTH spouses MUST be 100% committed to each other. Are you going to try and tell me that your husband is 100% committed to you???


Look at Hosea and I will leave it at that, and I am well aware, of what the bible says in regards to how a husbands should be and what wives should be and I am guilty of doing everything I shouldn't have. Our marriage was a crappy marriage because I was too busy to get off of my high horse, I had to be constantly right and had the whole my way or the highway mind set. So all that is going on in my marriage now was eye opening for me. 

Rather I am enabling my husband or not you can view it whatever way you want to, I don't have to agree. I've put my husband out and am living fine on my own with my baby girl yet you still say I am enabling him? Just because he isn't here now doesn't mean I won't desire for my marriage, and there is nothing wrong with me wanting that. And I've already ready your story.


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## ecotime47

Hey OP. I am so sorry you're going through this. I wanted you to know that I'm praying for you and your family today. 

We do serve a God who is able to do more than we could ever ask or even imagine. His power is not in question. The question is whether or not we are willing to allow him to work his power in and through us. 

I believe God wants your marriage restored. He is working in your H's heart. Even while your H is running away from you and the plans God has for his life, as you keep praying, God keeps faithfully working. He's good.

Hang in there!


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## standinginthegap

lenzi said:


> You may believe in the power of reconciliation but your husband doesn't.
> 
> It's not up to you. You're still trying to control him. He's not interested.
> 
> The fact that marriage is part of the forum name doesn't mean that all the posters here favor reconciliation. Especially in a situation like yours where your husband has made it clear he's chosen someone else.
> 
> This has nothing to do with your chosen religion or your believe that God has other plans.
> 
> It's about what your husband wants and it's not you.


We can agree to disagree.

"For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" 

My trust is in The Lord and ultimately it is His will that shall be done. Proverbs 16:9 A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.


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## Mr Blunt

> "For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible"


Your quote is from Matthew 19 and they were talking about eternal life. The giving of eternal life is impossible for man but all things are possible for God. Your issue is with a man’s freewill (your husband)l not eternal life. *God is not going to override your husband’s free will, He can but He will not.*


You are desperate to get your husband back because you have realized your faults. *Your faults did not force your husband to betray you and sin against God that is totally on him*.

I am not saying that your husband will not come back to you but God is not going to make him or override his free will. Your husband may find out that his new girlfriend is not what he thought and he may start thinking about his child and/or you and may want to R with you some day. Do no expect that to happen in a week or so because he is probably really excited about his new interest; that is the way that it usually is for the first year or two.

You ask for some encouragment so here goes. You have found out that you have some faults and that is very introspective on your part. In addition, you have admitted your faults and so you do not have negative pride but you are honest with your self. You have had an awakening and now an attitude that is ripe for you getting yourself better with God’s help. You getting your faults eliminated will also be a plus if your husband comes back to see about an R.

This very stressful time for you is an opportunity for you to concentrate on your faith and get even a better relationship with your God. *You néed someone with strength and someone that will not betray you and God can meet both of those needs*.

*The fact that you have lost a child and still cling to God is a sign of real faith*. Your faith again is being tested by fire over your husband being with the other woman. If he uses his free will to choose to ignore God and abandon his child then you will be better off in the long run to rebuild your life with God and forget a man with such weak integrity.

On the bright side, your husband may come back to you but you should be preparing for both situations. *With him or without him you need to build your life by improving your faults and desiring God more than your husband.*


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## lenzi

standinginthegap said:


> We can agree to disagree.
> 
> "For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible"
> 
> My trust is in The Lord and ultimately it is His will that shall be done. Proverbs 16:9 A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.


Good luck with that. 

Although it makes me curious.

Why are you here? Why not just go to church and pray?


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## standinginthegap

lenzi said:


> Good luck with that.
> 
> Although it makes me curious.
> 
> Why are you here? Why not just go to church and pray?


Cute you think I haven't, but there's nothing wrong with me being curious.


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## standinginthegap

Mr Blunt said:


> Your quote is from Matthew 19 and they were talking about eternal life. The giving of eternal life is impossible for man but all things are possible for God. Your issue is with a man’s freewill (your husband)l not eternal life. *God is not going to override your husband’s free will, He can but He will not.*
> 
> 
> You are desperate to get your husband back because you have realized your faults. *Your faults did not force your husband to betray you and sin against God that is totally on him*.
> 
> I am not saying that your husband will not come back to you but God is not going to make him or override his free will. Your husband may find out that his new girlfriend is not what he thought and he may start thinking about his child and/or you and may want to R with you some day. Do no expect that to happen in a week or so because he is probably really excited about his new interest; that is the way that it usually is for the first year or two.
> 
> You ask for some encouragment so here goes. You have found out that you have some faults and that is very introspective on your part. In addition, you have admitted your faults and so you do not have negative pride but you are honest with your self. You have had an awakening and now an attitude that is ripe for you getting yourself better with God’s help. You getting your faults eliminated will also be a plus if your husband comes back to see about an R.
> 
> This very stressful time for you is an opportunity for you to concentrate on your faith and get even a better relationship with your God. *You néed someone with strength and someone that will not betray you and God can meet both of those needs*.
> 
> *The fact that you have lost a child and still cling to God is a sign of real faith*. Your faith again is being tested by fire over your husband being with the other woman. If he uses his free will to choose to ignore God and abandon his child then you will be better off in the long run to rebuild your life with God and forget a man with such weak integrity.
> 
> On the bright side, your husband may come back to you but you should be preparing for both situations. *With him or without him you need to build your life by improving your faults and desiring God more than your husband.*


Thanks, I appreciate your input. I often think about the prodigal son how he left but in the end he came back and I'm believing for that to happen to my husband as well.


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## As'laDain

standinginthegap,

im afraid that there is nothing that you can do at this point without crushing your husbands affair. 

you want solid advice... im sorry, but your not going to like it. you have to destroy your husbands affair. that means you have to expose it. your husband has already chosen somebody else. its terrible that he has done that, but the truth is quite painful:

his affair partner is more important to him right now than his family. 

i think you may have a chance to reconcile if you can get rid of the affair partner. but how can you do that? 

the only thing i can think of is to expose his affair to everyone. that means his job, his family, your family, the church you two go to, everyone. right now your husband is sinning against God and you. you have the power to make that incredibly difficult for him.


im not telling you this because i think your weak. im telling you this because i think its your only shot.


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## As'laDain

standinginthegap said:


> Thanks, I appreciate your input. I often think about the prodigal son how he left but in the end he came back and I'm believing for that to happen to my husband as well.


the prodigal son ran out of money and found himself so low that he longed to eat the slop he was feeding to pigs. it wasnt until then that he was repentant.

will your husband hit bottom?
can you make him?


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## Whatthe??

For me, I think when people get married then God desires it last until death, sadly it doesn't mean it will. I feel for you, so much, we each have our own story and sadly so much pain an I feel for you in yours. Pray, pray, pray - it's all you can do, I'm learning everyday how little control i have in my own marital issues, all I can do is give it to God and believe He will help and concentrate on myself. If you love your husband then make sure he knows but don't push and manipulate etc. just tell him you love him and you're there and keep developing yourself. Chances are it won't be quick or easy to turn this around and you need to be strong for the long haul, don't give up but don't be blind either. All the best and I'm praying for you, one thing I've found powerful is to pray against the ties that your husband has formed with OW, the day you married you vowed before God "for better or worse etc." and you formed strong spiritual ties between each other, ask God to restore, strengthen and renew those ties, while severing the ones between your husband and OW. You need to claim the victory.


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## standinginthegap

As'laDain said:


> the prodigal son ran out of money and found himself so low that he longed to eat the slop he was feeding to pigs. it wasnt until then that he was repentant.
> 
> will your husband hit bottom?
> can you make him?


No I can't make him, but I do believe that is what it will take.

The grass is not always greener on the other side but right now he thinks it is. In time he will see that it indeed isn't.


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## standinginthegap

Whatthe?? said:


> For me, I think when people get married then God desires it last until death, sadly it doesn't mean it will. I feel for you, so much, we each have our own story and sadly so much pain an I feel for you in yours. Pray, pray, pray - it's all you can do, I'm learning everyday how little control i have in my own marital issues, all I can do is give it to God and believe He will help and concentrate on myself. If you love your husband then make sure he knows but don't push and manipulate etc. just tell him you love him and you're there and keep developing yourself. Chances are it won't be quick or easy to turn this around and you need to be strong for the long haul, don't give up but don't be blind either. All the best and I'm praying for you, one thing I've found powerful is to pray against the ties that your husband has formed with OW, the day you married you vowed before God "for better or worse etc." and you formed strong spiritual ties between each other, ask God to restore, strengthen and renew those ties, while severing the ones between your husband and OW. You need to claim the victory.


Thanks, it's nice hearing from people like you. I have gotten to a point where I just pray 'God let your will be done' if this is what He has for us, in God's time it shall happen. I truly do believe that.


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## Whatthe??

No problem, I think people need to positive especially in these times. Positive doesn't mean stupid or being a doormat but we need to see the positive. In saying that be positive and believe for him to return but try to be positive about what happens if he doesn't, I know that's hard my wife and I are on the brink ourselves and I'm trying to think positive about life if she leaves but believing she will stay and we'll work it out (looks that way at the moment). Anyway that's all you can do really, you can't control him and manipulation is a poor way to gain what you want, all you can do is control you and where your thoughts take you - be positive.


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## hartvalve

Standinginthegap. I am such a newbie here, less than 36 hours to be exact.. I am feeling a bit awkward offering anything first time out, but I found your post both interesting and heartbreaking. I do want to say to you one thing on behalf of God.. 

He works miracles, and reconciliation is what He does best. Do not look at your circumstances. Look to the One who is able to do the impossible. Can you imagine the glory given God when your husband's eyes are opened? I can.

I am here reading and listening intently, expecting reconnecting with my husband and beginning from square one. My situation is quite different from yours, but needing reconciling just the same. I don't deny the reality of my situation at all, but rely on the truths of God concerning reconciliation. 

The messier our situations the greater God can show off his power on our behalf for his glory! I will believe God for you.


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## standinginthegap

hartvalve said:


> Standinginthegap. I am such a newbie here, less than 36 hours to be exact.. I am feeling a bit awkward offering anything first time out, but I found your post both interesting and heartbreaking. I do want to say to you one thing on behalf of God..
> 
> He works miracles, and reconciliation is what He does best. Do not look at your circumstances. Look to the One who is able to do the impossible. Can you imagine the glory given God when your husband's eyes are opened? I can.
> 
> I am here reading and listening intently, expecting reconnecting with my husband and beginning from square one. My situation is quite different from yours, but needing reconciling just the same. I don't deny the reality of my situation at all, but rely on the truths of God concerning reconciliation.
> 
> The messier our situations the greater God can show off his power on our behalf for his glory! I will believe God for you.


You have no ideal how much this blesses me, and what you have said is so true. Thanks, don't know your situation or circumstances but I to shall pray for you.


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## Dedicated2Her

hartvalve said:


> Standinginthegap. I am such a newbie here, less than 36 hours to be exact.. I am feeling a bit awkward offering anything first time out, but I found your post both interesting and heartbreaking. I do want to say to you one thing on behalf of God..
> 
> He works miracles, and reconciliation is what He does best. Do not look at your circumstances. Look to the One who is able to do the impossible. Can you imagine the glory given God when your husband's eyes are opened? I can.
> 
> I am here reading and listening intently, expecting reconnecting with my husband and beginning from square one. My situation is quite different from yours, but needing reconciling just the same. I don't deny the reality of my situation at all, but rely on the truths of God concerning reconciliation.
> 
> The messier our situations the greater God can show off his power on our behalf for his glory! I will believe God for you.


And I am going to add this.....

I will caution this way of thinking. This is a very selfish way of looking at it. This is most likely not about your marriage, or reconciliation, or God showing off his power. God has ONE specific interest here..........Your heart. He will allow you and your husband to go through hell if it brings you back to HIM and puts you in a place of humbleness, tenderness, and communion with HIM. 

God is given glory whether your husband returns or not. What is the true gift to God? The humble, teachable heart of a servant. Your husband may or may not come back. That is not your's to decide or to demand. Go to a place of peace in your prayer life and enjoy this time. Learn how to love like HE does, and if/when your husband comes back, you will be who you were created to be. If he doesn't, there are other blessings out there for you.


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## nickgtg

God can but won't change your husband's heart. It's like when something terrible happens and people ask how God could allow such evil to take place.

God gave everyone free will, and it's up to the individual person to do what's right.


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## standinginthegap

nickgtg said:


> God can but won't change your husband's heart. It's like when something terrible happens and people ask how God could allow such evil to take place.
> 
> God gave everyone free will, and it's up to the individual person to do what's right.


Jonah and the whale, God asked Jonah to do something, Jonah didn't want to do it said no and was running from God himself, God had a whale eat Jonah and he remained inside of the whale until he agreed to do what God originally asked him to do. God gives us free well yes but He can also make us more than willing to do what he ask of us.

And I truly do believe that to be true, I was running from a relationship with God and used my husband as a crutch when it came to me having one with him, my excuse I was afraid that my relationship with God will push my husband away. Ironically my husband wanting a divorced is the very thing that made me go running back to God. He's uses different things to get us to come back to our first love(Him)


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## Mr Blunt

You and your husband by your own free will put yourself in number one spot and God down the line in your priority order. Your husband put himself ahead of God, you, and his child so that he can get trilled. The trill will wear off in time.

God uses mankind’s pain to try and get mankind to make Him number one. The fact is that you and I have also committed infidelity with God. We put Him in a bottle and will call on Him as our Genie when we are in trouble. Now you and I know how it feels to have someone commit infidelity with us and in our pain we remember God.

Standinginthegap, you have shown that you have wisdom by stating



> Ironically my husband wanting a divorced is the very thing that made me go running back to God. He's uses different things to get us to come back to our first love(Him)



Now is a golden opportunity to get your priorities right. You now have the wisdom and the motivation to gain in many ways. Your God will never leave you or forsake you and he will never commit infidelity on you. Yu can always be secure with God but not with mankind. When you get God as your number one priority and do your part then things will really start to happen for you. I have heard it said that if you turn to God with all your heart that the results for your life are God’s responsibility. *I would rather have Him in charge than anyone else, how about you? 


Do not put your desire for your husband above God*


Your husband, if he is a godly man, will find that his adulterous affair is not pleasing to God and will be convicted at some time. In addition, just having to live life with all the ups and downs will wake him up to the fact that this woman is not all that he thought.

*When I read your sentence reprinted above I thought about the verse Romans 8:28*


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## tornado

God can't change your husbands heart unless your husband allows him too. God gave us free will to choose. God has a plan for everybody life but we have to choose it. God recognizes divorce, and he would definitely understand your situation. I hope you find some peace whatever happens.


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## As'laDain

i can hardly imagine what it would have been like for Jonah. God told him to do something, and he was too afraid to do it, so tried to run away. 

when God sent the whale to swallow him, God showed him something that was far more terrifying than the thing he was afraid of. and, at the same time, showed him that he will take care of him. 

what could be more terrifying than lying isolated in the belly of a whale, feeling like there is no hope for you?

just imagine being released from that prison. i dont think God was punishing him. i think God knew Jonahs heart, and understood the nature of his fears. after that, Jonah wasnt afraid.


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## hartvalve

I don't see how it is selfish to believe God to move in a marriage that _*appears *_hopeless. Reconciliation is indeed matters of the eyes of a wayward person's heart being opened. Like the Prodigal's son. Can you imagine looking upon his situation, and deciding yours or my believing God for his return to his Father, selfish? I have two children and both have been in grave situations, but I never found, nor God, denying me to keep him at his word according to John 6, the promise of all that the Father has given the Son, He will not lose and raise them up in that day! I stand on this promise not only for my children, but for every wayward believer. My faith will not fail me, because I continue to do so. 

I believe God, not in what the enemy is doing. He is the master of deception and love when we get confused as to how God operates. We pull down every thought and doubt the enemy brings, causing us to believe we're selfish to take God at his word concerning reconciliation. The enemy wants us to dwell on how bad our natural realities are for the purposes of blinding our eyes from the promises of God. The enemy wants to steal our faith in God.

When I tell you both my children's lives appeared dismal, it is not an understatement. Today, both my children are productive, love God, but like we all, are still working (walking) out their salvation. God, with their cooperation and resistance, mind you, turned their hearts towards him once again. The word of God calls us to pray for the saints without exclusion that their faith fail them not. Meaning. That no matter how wayward the believer becomes, God's throne room's door remains opened to them to receive more grace, which never runs dry. If the wayward believer's faith fail them they will believe the lie of the devil. That they've done the unforgivable, or sinned one time too many. That they are now damaged goods.

It is correct concerning sin. We find it doesn't satisfy past its lusty stages.. The true believer becomes miserable and repent probably tens of times a day. I know, I've been there because my heart really is God's. Again it is true, God will never leave his children even if we make our beds in hell, his eye is still on us and will come to our rescue when we ask him to. My prayer is that standinginthegaps' spouse desire rescue from God. In addition, my prayer for her is still, to keep her eyes on God and not how the enemy wants her to feel hopeless because of her husband's behavior. Whatever is good and lovely and the will of God we ought to pray on behalf of all saints.

We must not allow the enemy to sift us like wheat that we become useless in our faith.. Without faith it is impossible to please God.

Oh, and for the record. My husband was the biggest ***** ever for many many many years up until about fourteen years ago. He was born again in 1999 and lived like hell thereafter, but God was married to him. I understand that not everyone can assume the position I remained in and that's fine. The reason I am here is quite peculiar and have not stumbled upon a situation quite like mine on this site just yet. I hope to. Until that time comes I will remain silent concerning the situation I currently face.

The grace of God can certainly change anyone's heart without their permission if He desires to. He sure did so with the Apostle Paul. Paul was minding his own business, but God by his sovereign grace changed the course of his life. 

Can a believer refuse to repent? Yes, of course and be allowed to suffer at the hands of the enemy, but remain saved. (1 Cor. 5) I want to believe there are more Christians than not, standing in prayer for the saints that our faith fail us not! 

Standinginthegap- I pray your husband's eyes are opened and his faith fail him not. Pray that he believes he can return to the Lord..


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## hartvalve

Oops. I meant to say good morning to everyone. It is now 129, so.. Good afternoon now to everyone..


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## Dedicated2Her

> I don't see how it is selfish to believe God to move in a marriage that appears hopeless.


I'm fascinated by this......Do you not see how it is selfish to want God to basically give you want is in line with your own desires? Basically, you are asking God to do what you want Him to do. Taking scripture and making it into a support system for your own wants. You want your family back together........maybe that is not what your spouse needs to see God fully realized in their life.

And, the reason I am saying these things, is that I have had MANY people take this approach with me regarding my marriage problems. If I had heeded their advice, I would not be receiving the abundant life that I have been so blessed with.

Basically, what the OP is saying. "I know my husband is having an affair. He refuses to stop having an affair. What am I going to do about it? Pray, and just sit there." Personally, to me, this shows no faith. He has to go no contact or he has to go. Simple. It's one thing to get forgiveness, it's another to continue to have an affair. God helps those who help themselves.


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## Hope1964

OK well if you really believe that praying hard enough is what you need to do, go ahead then. Meanwhile your husband is reaping the benefit of your inaction.

It totally floors me that anyone, no matter how religious they are, can just sit back and let someone else screw them over like this because they are waiting for God to do something about it. It's akin to people who refuse medical treatment because they think God will save them. So they die.


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## standinginthegap

Dedicated2Her said:


> I'm fascinated by this......Do you not see how it is selfish to want God to basically give you want is in line with your own desires? Basically, you are asking God to do what you want Him to do. Taking scripture and making it into a support system for your own wants. You want your family back together........maybe that is not what your spouse needs to see God fully realized in their life.
> 
> And, the reason I am saying these things, is that I have had MANY people take this approach with me regarding my marriage problems. If I had heeded their advice, I would not be receiving the abundant life that I have been so blessed with.
> 
> Basically, what the OP is saying. "I know my husband is having an affair. He refuses to stop having an affair. What am I going to do about it? Pray, and just sit there." Personally, to me, this shows no faith. He has to go no contact or he has to go. Simple. It's one thing to get forgiveness, it's another to continue to have an affair. God helps those who help themselves.


You must have not read my whole story, I am not just sitting here. I've put my husband out, he hasn't been living with me since Feb 18, but even with that being the case I am still believing God for my marriage to be restored and I don't desire that more than my relationship with him.


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## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> OK well if you really believe that praying hard enough is what you need to do, go ahead then. Meanwhile your husband is reaping the benefit of your inaction.
> 
> It totally floors me that anyone, no matter how religious they are, can just sit back and let someone else screw them over like this because they are waiting for God to do something about it. It's akin to people who refuse medical treatment because they think God will save them. So they die.


Please enlighten me, what am I missing here. I've put my husband out but yet you still say I am just sitting back and taking it?

Even though my husband is no longer with me, this doesn't stop me from believing God for my marriage to my husband.


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## Dedicated2Her

standinginthegap said:


> You must have not read my whole story, I am not just sitting here. I've put my husband out, he hasn't been living with me since Feb 18, but even with that being the case I am still believing God for my marriage to be restored and I don't desire that more than my relationship with him.


Correct. I try to stay in one thread, and I stuck to the initial post in which you didn't indicate that. Now, that being said, you have said you were married three years, and he has cheated..........in the midst of you having your second child.

Sorry, girl. I have seen marriages get back together from infidelity. However, every single one is was the wayward spouse that stood for the marriage after they realized they had made a mistake when the betrayed spouse filed for divorce after uncovering the infidelity. Also, these marriages were all past their 7-10 year mark. Your marriage is still relatively young, therefore, your husband has more issues than just a wayward heart. 

However, you haven't said how you "aren't" just sitting there. What specifically are you doing to become who God created you to be? Be specific.


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## standinginthegap

Dedicated2Her said:


> Correct. I try to stay in one thread, and I stuck to the initial post in which you didn't indicate that. Now, that being said, you have said you were married three years, and he has cheated..........in the midst of you having your second child.
> 
> Sorry, girl. I have seen marriages get back together from infidelity. However, every single one is was the wayward spouse that stood for the marriage after they realized they had made a mistake when the betrayed spouse filed for divorce after uncovering the infidelity. Also, these marriages were all past their 7-10 year mark. Your marriage is still relatively young, therefore, your husband has more issues than just a wayward heart.
> 
> However, you haven't said how you "aren't" just sitting there. What specifically are you doing to become who God created you to be? Be specific.


In my original post back in January he was still in the house, doesn't mean I wasn't doing anything. Just because it didn't line up with worldly standards doesn't mean I wasn't doing anything. Then I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do, to continue to show my husband love even when he was in his mess, that in and of it self speaks volume, it might not to you guys but it did matter and make a difference even if it is something I don't see yet or is widely visible to the world, the seed is already planted. 

Now I am focused on my relationship with God, and doing what I need to do to take care of my baby girl and myself, ie me focusing on my schooling like I should have been. With or without my husband support I can provide for my daughter and I but my husband even though he isn't at home is still taking care of all of the household bills and every other expense. I've enforced a no contact rule for myself so I don't call or text him until he does so first, in return I've been able to notice that my spouse and I talk more now than when he was here. 

Gods purpose for my life, I'm living in it and I'm allowing him to mode me into the woman he wants me to be. I desire my relationship with God more than that of my husband. I don't try to guilt my husband or manipulate him but have left him to The Lord. I can only work on the things God has revealed to me that are my short coming, and leave it to God to work on my husband in His time, but this is not something I need to help him do.


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## Dedicated2Her

standinginthegap said:


> In my original post back in January he was still in the house, doesn't mean I wasn't doing anything. *Just because it didn't line up with worldly standards doesn't mean I wasn't doing anything. Then I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do, to continue to show my husband love even when he was in his mess, that in and of it self speaks volume, it might not to you guys but it did matter and make a difference even if it is something I don't see yet or is widely visible to the world, the seed is already planted. *


You really don't know who you are talking to. Been there, done that. So, again, what specifically are you doing? You still haven't said that. Have you sought out a spiritual mentor that has walked the steps you are walking? (a woman) Have you set up a support group of happy, content, humble women that you can meet with weekly as a small group? Have you started seeing a faith based therapist to start addressing your 50 pct failure of the marriage? 

Until you DO SOMETHING, as in do the work, you won't see the changes in your life that are required to walk this journey.


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## hartvalve

Standinginthegap.. Continue believing God for something He desires-- That is, for marriages to become successful and whole where they are not. 

Prayer is your means of communication to God, who never see our time spent with him wasteful or useless. Standing in faith after you've done all God instructs you to do may appear to others as foolish. Continue to stand. Our petitioning God proves we need him, that we cannot help ourselves until He first helps us. Keep standing, keep believing.

There is nothing wrong with a spouse who regrets having had affair(s) and desire the marriage to become whole again after exposure. Nothing. See through the lens of God, not through the eyes of the world and their statistics on marriage likelihood. 

We understand affairs are not the will of God-- No ifs ands or buts about it. That is not in question here and no one is condoning affairs. The purpose of discussion is reconciliation, which is the will of God. 

Keeping in accord with the word of God, believe him to do more than you can ask or think in every impossible appearing situation in your life. 

One more truth. There is no condemnation on those who've divorced or those who appear to be fools believing God for their marriages to work. Let us each be convinced in our own minds what is the will of God for us. Romans 14


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## hartvalve

Hello standinginthegap! I had no idea you posted..


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## hartvalve

Sounds like you are on track.


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## Dedicated2Her

> The purpose of discussion is reconciliation, which is the will of God.


You absolutely, positively, cannot say this with certainty. I am divorced. Directly as a result of the experience and the continuing life after, I have seen 7 marriages reconciled from certain divorce. I have seen two other men I have mentored not see their marriages restored. I have seen people's lives changed, including my own. The divorce.....is a massive blessing. I would absolutely, positively, not be reconciled with my ex. Why? Because it wouldn't be good for her, me, or for the kids. I know that. Maybe many years from today that will be different. I'm ok either way.

Why do I feel this way? Because of peace. Peace only comes from one thing. Congrats on treating your husband with love even when he didn't deserve it. It's precisely how you should treat EVERYONE as a follower of Christ.


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## hartvalve

I mentioned the following lastly in my previous post.

One more truth. There is no condemnation on those who've divorced or those who appear to be fools believing God for their marriages to work. Let us each be convinced in our own minds what is the will of God for us. Romans 14


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## standinginthegap

Dedicated2Her said:


> You really don't know who you are talking to. Been there, done that. So, again, what specifically are you doing? You still haven't said that. Have you sought out a spiritual mentor that has walked the steps you are walking? (a woman) Have you set up a support group of happy, content, humble women that you can meet with weekly as a small group? Have you started seeing a faith based therapist to start addressing your 50 pct failure of the marriage?
> 
> Until you DO SOMETHING, as in do the work, you won't see the changes in your life that are required to walk this journey.


Yes, yes, and yes. I already know what my faults was, I have and currently am still working on those matters. I have a strong support system within my church of woman who have gone through this and currently have a restored marriage. I have more than one mentor but my main one is my First Lady. Just because I don't tell TAM about all of my coming and goings doesn't mean they aren't already in place.


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## Mr Blunt

> By Standinginthegap
> 
> Now I am focused on my relationship with God, and doing what I need to do to take care of my baby girl and myself, ie me focusing on my schooling like I should have been. With or without my husband support I can provide for my daughter and I but my husband even though he isn't at home is still taking care of all of the household bills and every other expense. I've enforced a no contact rule for myself so I don't call or text him until he does so first, in return I've been able to notice that my spouse and I talk more now than when he was here.
> 
> Gods purpose for my life, I'm living in it and I'm allowing him to mode me into the woman he wants me to be. I desire my relationship with God more than that of my husband. I don't try to guilt my husband or manipulate him but have left him to The Lord. I can only work on the things God has revealed to me that are my short coming, and leave it to God to work on my husband in His time, but this is not something I need to help him do.


*

Standinginthegap, 
you have a great plan and your thinking is outstanding! Do what you said above and not only will you make it through this crises but you will become a better person.

You can use this pain for you to gain in so many areas*


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## Mona Anwar

This answer is just to describe What marriage means in Islam, many people have different believe by posting this I a not trying to pose my believes on others, this is just to help:

PROPHET MUHAMMAD (PEACE BE UPON HIM) SAYS:
Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty, Allah will increase him in ugliness, “But Whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness, and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in “Her” for “Him” & in “Him” for “Her”.
This Hadith Makes it clear that the intention and niyat with which one contemplates marriage is quite important.
Allah (Swt) Says in Quran:” They are as a garment to you and you are as a Garment to them” (TMQ 2:187)
In this quranic verse the word garment has been beautifully used as a metaphor to bring out the physical intimacy between couples in a marriage.
The Hadith Says: “ The believers who shows the most perfect faith are those who have the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives”( Al –Termizi)
This Hadith lays stress on the importance of treating one’s wife well. Besides this the Hadith also shows that also that through good behavior towards one’s wife a “man” can prove himself to be a good believer of Allah and his Islam.
Narrated by Anas (Raziallah u Tala Anha): “When a man marries he fulfills half of his religion. So let him worry about the remaining half
This hadith shows that if a man marries a woman according to Allah’s will and treat his wife well he completes the half of his religion so it is only the other half he just need to worry about.
Allah’s Apostle Said:” The most perfect in faith amongst the believers is He who is best and kindest to his wife”
The above mentioned hadith shows that the true believer can increase his rewards in the life hereafter through his marriage i.e: if he handles his marriage in away that is explained in our religious books then he will be fortunate enough to be rewarded with paradise. This Hadith also shows that in Islam (or any other religion of this world) the marriage is intertwined with faith if you have strong faith in Allah that this marriage is only a submission of your will to Allah. 
“This world is nothing but a temporary convenience and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman that is who is pious and knows the religion and who can teach your kids to become a good human being and good citizens And if the woman is doing such that she is praying Salat and Quran in your house and she is also teaching your kids the salat and namaz and good deeds with love or anger and she is cooking food for you that when you return home from work u have it to eat and also looking after your parents if you have them both alive then you are the lucky & you should be thankful to Allah and do not say anything bad to Her because this will break her as she is from the most curved rib of Adam.If she is doing all this then your house is a Jannah do not make it a hell by not treating her well and by saying her such harsh words which breaks her apart because ones the rib is broken it can never be mended in its original shape”
This Hadith shows that if a wife is pious than she is a boon for her husband, and the pious is that who is living in your home and saying salat and teaching your children the good deeds.
Hazrat Ayesha was asked ones: “What did the prophet use to do in his house. She replied “He use to keep himself busy serving his Family and when it was tie for As Salat He would go for it” 
So do not dare to criticize at all the man who is serving his wife and children in his free time at home 
Al-Quran:
“And one of his signs is that he created mates for you from own species that you may find rest in them, and he put between them love and compassion most surely there are signs in this for the who reflects (TMQ 30:21) 
The above mentioned quranic verse showed that Allah creates love and mercy between married couples which helps them to stay together through thick and thin.
So why do we find so many marriages which are on the ROCKS?

Why do we find so any married couples contemplating divorce on trivial grounds? Thereby they make a mockery and fun of the relationship God has bestowed them with. They make fun of what Allah has gifted them with. When Allah has gifted the couples with love and care then why does the situations turns so ugly. Well you guessed it right, it is “Shetaan(evil)” who is behind all this “Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.W) said Iblees put his throne over water he sends detachments (his fellow shetans) and he send his workers to create dissension, opposition and rebellion between people. The nearer in rank to Shetaan are those who are most notorious in creating dissensions and disagreements. One of the comes and say, I have done this and this and the shetan will say “You have done nothing” Then one amongst the will come and say “ I did not spare So and So till I have Sowed the seed of discord , disagreement and conflict between a husband and wife. The Shetan will go near him and pat hi and say “You have done Very Well”
(Sahi Muslim)
Shatan Loves to Create Disagreement Between a husband and A Wife for obvious reasons He knows that the sexual Relation Ship Between A married couple is law full & their offsprings will also be legal and legitimate So shetan loses the opportunity of making people sin. Therefore The motive of shetan is to ruin marriages and makes couple split.This makes Shetan very Happy.
Narrated by Abdullah Bin Zaman: “ The Prophet Said that none of you should flog(beat) his wife as he flog a slave and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last part of the day as if she is a slave(baandi) (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62 No:132)
Islam does not glorify wife beating at all, and if a man beats his wife under the influence of shetan then it means that he is violating her rights as a wife and spoiling his akhirat.


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## Mona Anwar

You Know that I am also a heart broken girl, I have marrried a man butunfortunately my marriage was broken and this too because of infedility, my husband was also interested in so many other girls and not just one I must repeat, i t was his habit to ake relationships with other woman, at first I also kept trying to make him understand that this is wrong and dont do this i love you and If you have a wife who loves you so much who washes your clothes who cooks for you after she comes back,tired, from her work(because I am a working woman also) who keeps your house clean and who keeps your everything up to date, then why do you need other woman. But he just kept on going and I was always looking for reconciliation, but when it was too much and i could'nt bear it then I myself took the final step and it is our law here back in our country and also in our religion "that If a woman finds his partner is not loyal to her and he is not taking care of her or If he is beating her Or if he is not providing good shelter for her Or if he is violating any of her rights than a woman can give her warnings and after wards cane make separation if a partner wont listen. I a not trying to pose my point of view on anyone it is just we wives are not just a temporary phase i one's life which comes and goes, it should be for the lifetime, the faithfulness, the love, the intimacy and everything.
My life has been very tough, i am myself from a broken house my father has divorced my mom because of other woman, We all five sisters were brought up by our mother alone, we studied hard and support the house, i got married and divorced then again i got arried with a man who has divorced her wife and it was his and mine second marriage he already has three daughters from his first wife i took care of these small little kids i loved them soo much, i use to cook for them give them bath teach them about our religion, play with them, help in their studies but as here in our country there is a joint family system so i was so much teased by my in laws they use to scream at me yell at e call me bad names even after my so much hard working and love with the children of the first wife of my husband, my husband did not supported me then, and i was also gifted with my own daughter(which my in laws never wanted to have one of my own kid) and their behavior was even became worst when i had my own child. I was taking care of all the four kids equally. then my husband left for a job to out of country, and behind him his family started to torture me and also they have threaten to torture me physically and take my mobile phone from me i was so scared and angry and i took my child and came to y Mom's house when my husband came to know this he got so worried and he called me and he was really confused and he was crying because he said that my family has been broken ones and i dont wanna do it again and he told e that he loves me. i am now living with my mother with my child and working in an office i daily talk to my husband but he do not force me to go back to his house because he knows that what has happened to me there So i took a bold step for me and got my point cleared days are passing sometimes we fight sometimes we talk of love and my husband wants to call me there with him and he is now working on it but none of my inlaws ever contacted me and said that they are sorry for what has happened and they also donot ask for my child,I also dont know that will my husband be able to call his family(me and his kids) to settle with hi or not, Im a just waiting and hoping for the best. I am working hard for my life and my kids life a better one and also am willing to take care of my husbands daughters who are from his first wife< what else i can do.


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## Whatthe??

Well said hart valve. On the day you married (if done in a Christian marriage) you said vows before God and His witnesses, a promise, a commitment was made in Gods name to the other person. Just like a contract in earthly matters this promise made on earth but also binding in the spiritual realm is binding, believe God has every right to hold a spouse accountable to those vows just like being held to a contract of sale here on earth.

Standinginthegap, you keep praying, stand against the enemy in this, claim your victory in Jesus name - fight. Get every believer you know and get them praying, get on the prayer sites (heaps on the net) and get 100's of 1000's of people praying for you all over the world. Regardless of what God can and can't do about free will never underestimate the power of prayer. Maybe He won't change your husbands heart but He sure can show him how foolish he's being, He can give him hope in your marriage, He can come against the enemy and give your husband ears to hear and eye's to see!!

And before anybody tells me I'm taking bible verses out of context, if you think the creator of the universe is small enough to fit all His ways, means, abilities and a full description of what He can and can't do into one book then you're trying to squeeze Him into a little tiny box that He just won't fit into. He created the universe - who are we to say what He will or won't do, who are we to say what He can and can't do? He is the God of love - He is love, He is the God of Grace and the God of miracles, His power and awesomeness are infinite.

Don't be blind lady, but don't for one minute think God can't do for you. He will either bring hubby back or lead you into a future that is just fine without Him - either way you're gonna be ok.


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## Hope1964

standinginthegap said:


> You must have not read my whole story, I am not just sitting here. I've put my husband out, he hasn't been living with me since Feb 18, but even with that being the case I am still believing God for my marriage to be restored and I don't desire that more than my relationship with him.


You say you put him out, but it sounds to me like he made the choice. He chose the OW over you. Yet you are STILL praying that he comes back to you.

Say he does. What are you going to do to make sure he doesn't just cheat on you again? You will always be his second choice. Do you really believe that God wants us to settle for being second choice to our husbands?

You told me that you are surprised at what I said after reading my story. Why? My husband had to prove to me over and over for months that he was worthy of R. I was DONE. *I* kicked *HIM* out, he didn't choose anyone over me. He did everything in his power to win me back. Your husband is not doing ANY of that.

Why you want to hold onto this man is beyond me. He's made it abundantly clear he has no respect for you.

Why don't you find someone who DOES? How long are you going to keep praying for reconciliation?


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## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> You say you put him out, but it sounds to me like he made the choice. He chose the OW over you. Yet you are STILL praying that he comes back to you.
> 
> Say he does. What are you going to do to make sure he doesn't just cheat on you again? You will always be his second choice. Do you really believe that God wants us to settle for being second choice to our husbands?
> 
> You told me that you are surprised at what I said after reading my story. Why? My husband had to prove to me over and over for months that he was worthy of R. I was DONE. *I* kicked *HIM* out, he didn't choose anyone over me. He did everything in his power to win me back. Your husband is not doing ANY of that.
> 
> Why you want to hold onto this man is beyond me. He's made it abundantly clear he has no respect for you.
> 
> Why don't you find someone who DOES? *How long are you going to keep praying for reconciliation?*


You say tomato, I say tomahto. Rather you view it as me kicking him out or not, I believe I did because I do know that if I hadn't he would still be at home. To answer your question that I put in bold letters the answer is, WHATEVER IT TAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*“Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we . . .” (Dan. 3:17–18).

Beloved, are you resolute, unmoving, determined in speech and purpose: the principle of “whatever it takes” is where most who seek restoration fall short. So often I am told that if this or that happens the “believer” will give up.

However, those who determine “whatever it takes” say, “I am not letting go of this promise from God; I will not compromise what He has set out to do in my life.” Do what you will to me in the fiery furnace. Whatever it takes to bring my loved-one to you, do it, Lord.”

Now, Beloved, when when fires come, you know it is part of what it takes and now you are ready! *

The above insert is not my own words and was taken from a Daily devotional and encourager from RMI(Restore Ministries International)


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## Hope1964

So because you think God wants you to never give up, you are just going to live this way forever if your 'husband' never comes around??

You didn't answer any of my other questions.

If you want to live this way for the rest of your life, more power to you then. Carry on.


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## Dedicated2Her

standinginthegap said:


> You say tomato, I say tomahto. Rather you view it as me kicking him out or not, I believe I did because I do know that if I hadn't he would still be at home. To answer your question that I put in bold letters the answer is, WHATEVER IT TAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> *“Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we . . .” (Dan. 3:17–18).
> 
> Beloved, are you resolute, unmoving, determined in speech and purpose: the principle of “whatever it takes” is where most who seek restoration fall short. So often I am told that if this or that happens the “believer” will give up.
> 
> However, those who determine “whatever it takes” say, “I am not letting go of this promise from God; I will not compromise what He has set out to do in my life.” Do what you will to me in the fiery furnace. Whatever it takes to bring my loved-one to you, do it, Lord.”
> 
> Now, Beloved, when when fires come, you know it is part of what it takes and now you are ready! *
> 
> The above insert is not my own words and was taken from a Daily devotional and encourager from RMI(Restore Ministries International)


If you are committed to this particular way of living moving forward, you should also visit WELCOME - Rejoice Marriage Ministries. I used these guys for a while when I was going through my marriage crisis before I met my mentor. Good information although I don't agree with all of it.

It's interesting....when I let go of my marriage, let go of my spouse who wanted to leave emotionally, mentally, and physically through divorce (which is scriptural by the way), I underwent a complete transformation in my life. I have received favor at work with two promotions. I have mentored 9 men and received the blessings of amazing friendships. I have met a woman who doesn't know near as much scripture as almost all the women I grew up with or attended church with, but she acts more like Christ than anyone I know. I think it is funny when we act like we know what God wants or what is best for us.......

Looking back, I didn't.

Everyone has a different path..... a different way of grieving the tragedies in their lives. I get it. 

When you come to a message board on the internet for encouragement or guidance....... expect to share details so that the people here (on their own voluntary time) can actually give you help. It takes years and years for a person to change emotionally and morally. Marriage teaches us so much about the "love of Christ". I went through hell getting here.....13 years of emotional abuse from someone who professes to be as Godly and a follower of Christ as any other. Give it a few months and allow yourself to go through the grieving process. Once your human emotional core isn't so volatile, then take a good hard look at what you want to stand for moving forward.


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## Mr Blunt

Standinginthegap


Does your husband respect and admire the scriptures and God?


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## Dedicated2Her

Mr Blunt said:


> Standinginthegap
> 
> 
> Does your husband respect and admire the scriptures and God?


Blunt, I would say this is irrelevant. My ex can quote the entire new testament. She says she respects the scriptures and fears God. Actions-words. Watch the actions, that tells the story. If dude had an affair while his wife was preg and wouldn't stop the affair after she found out, he doesn't respect anything.


----------



## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> You say you put him out, but it sounds to me like he made the choice. He chose the OW over you. Yet you are STILL praying that he comes back to you.
> 
> Say he does. * 1. What are you going to do to make sure he doesn't just cheat on you again?* You will always be his second choice. * 2. Do you really believe that God wants us to settle for being second choice to our husbands?*
> 
> You told me that you are surprised at what I said after reading my story. Why? My husband had to prove to me over and over for months that he was worthy of R. I was DONE. *I* kicked *HIM* out, he didn't choose anyone over me. He did everything in his power to win me back. Your husband is not doing ANY of that.
> 
> Why you want to hold onto this man is beyond me. He's made it abundantly clear he has no respect for you.
> 
> * 3. Why don't you find someone who DOES?* How long are you going to keep praying for reconciliation?


1. Once my marriage is truly restored, I will know it has happened because of my Lord and Savior so a question of a repeat occurrence wont be an issues. Because if it is of the Lords doing my husband will then have a heart that is after the Lord, so I truly don't think that would be an issue. When and not if because I am speaking it into existence.

2. Call it how ever you wanna call it, I was his first choice he married me didn't he, him currently being in sin and falling into temptation he currently does not see that. Look are Hosea and Gomer. Hosea's wife was unfaithful to him, but God still told him to be with her, she went back to him because she realized that she had it better with him then compared to what she had. 

3. My vows I made wasn't just between my husband and I. I made them with God as well. Now if my husband and I was to divorce and what not, I will be able to move forward in my life knowing that I did everything that I could do.


----------



## standinginthegap

Mr Blunt said:


> Standinginthegap
> 
> 
> Does your husband respect and admire the scriptures and God?


My husband did at one point in his life, but like many have backslide and currently does not want to.


----------



## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> So because you think God wants you to never give up, you are just going to live this way forever if your 'husband' never comes around??
> 
> You didn't answer any of my other questions.
> 
> If you want to live this way for the rest of your life, more power to you then. Carry on.


What way are you referring too, you don't know how I am living my life. Currently he is doing his thing and I am doing my thing. And my thing is rather things work out with us or not, is for me to become the woman God wants me to be and to strengthen my relationship with God. 

Contrary to belief because IDK how you exactly think I am living my life. I am currently focusing on school and my baby girl. I spend my time finding enjoyable things for us to do together, when my husband comes around he is more than welcome to join us if he wants to if not so be it. I hang out with friends and find other things to get into to occupy my time. 

Its not like I am at home 24/7 weeping my eyes out, crying to the Lord to bring him home please, and just waiting for him to come over. I have a no contact rule for myself so unless he contacts me rather it be through text message, calling me, or another form of social media we don't talk, its not like I am blowing his phone up and sitting by the phone waiting on his calls.

No I am living my life, but by choice I will not seek out another man while I am still married because I value my vows just because my husband didn't doesn't mean I shouldn't as well. Because at the end of the day I am still a married woman and I will conduct myself as such until that is no longer the case.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Now if my husband and I was to divorce and what not, I will be able to move forward in my life knowing that I did everything that I could do.



WHOA......ok, now I am confused. You mean you aren't going to stand for a restored marriage if you get divorced? That's completely contradictory to everything you posted........


----------



## karole

I thought as a Christian you are supposed to pray for "God's Will" not your own will be done.


----------



## standinginthegap

Dedicated2Her said:


> WHOA......ok, now I am confused. You mean you aren't going to stand for a restored marriage if you get divorced? That's completely contradictory to everything you posted........


No its not, doesn't mean I wont stand for a restored marriage, I cant say what all of that looks like, IDK I'm not there yet.* But me standing for my marriage means I will believe God for my marriage, end of story.* Your asking me to lay out what my actions would be after that and I cant say because I am not there yet and I wont know until I am. There are infinity possibilities, who is able to say what will happen there is only one person who know that and that is God. 

I know plenty of people who have gotten remarried to each other after getting a divorce, just because someone divorces doesn't mean their marriage can not be restored. The devil is a liar, when God is in it there is no limit.


----------



## standinginthegap

karole said:


> I thought as a Christian you are supposed to pray for "God's Will" not your own will be done.


And I do pray for that, and I have been given confirmation of what God's will is for my marriage and I am standing,believing,trusting and having faith for it to happen in God's time.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

On one hand you say this:



> No its not, doesn't mean I wont stand for a restored marriage, I cant say what all of that looks like, IDK I'm not there yet. But me standing for my marriage means I will believe God for my marriage, end of story. Your asking me to lay out what my actions would be after that and I cant say because I am not there yet and I wont know until I am. There are infinity possibilities, who is able to say what will happen there is only one person who know that and that is God.
> 
> I know plenty of people who have gotten remarried to each other after getting a divorce, just because someone divorces doesn't mean their marriage can not be restored. The devil is a liar, when God is in it there is no limit.


On the other, you say this:



standinginthegap said:


> And I do pray for that, and I have been given confirmation of what God's will is for my marriage and I am standing,believing,trusting and having faith for it to happen in God's time.


Don't you see the confusion? On one hand, you are saying I will stand for my marriage no matter what and "whatever it takes". On the other, you are saying that you don't know your actions after divorce. But, yet, you have already told us your actions. That you will stand for your marriage "whatever it takes". Which, in our minds, says "regardless if I divorce or not" and "however long I have to wait for him to come back." That is how we interpret it because it's kind of how you are laying it out there. That is the reason the responses are the way they are.

I have seen multiple marriages restored after divorce. One of my friends were divorced for 7 years. The difference is the wayward had an affair and filed for divorce. 3 months after the divorce, she found God. She waited for him. He eventually came to a place where he could trust her again. They had been married for 9 years before the divorce. It took a LONG time. I'm not saying that it isn't possible, but you are called to peace in the event of the unbeliever leaving. 

Right now, you have so many emotions going because of the overwhelming tragic nature of your situation. Grieve....take your time....you may find that God speaks to you in a completely different way in 6 months.


----------



## standinginthegap

Dedicated2Her said:


> On one hand you say this:
> 
> 
> 
> On the other, you say this:
> 
> 
> 
> Don't you see the confusion? On one hand, you are saying I will stand for my marriage no matter what and "whatever it takes". On the other, you are saying that you don't know your actions after divorce. But, yet, you have already told us your actions. That you will stand for your marriage "whatever it takes". Which, in our minds, says "regardless if I divorce or not" and "however long I have to wait for him to come back." That is how we interpret it because it's kind of how you are laying it out there. That is the reason the responses are the way they are.
> 
> I have seen multiple marriages restored after divorce. One of my friends were divorced for 7 years. The difference is the wayward had an affair and filed for divorce. 3 months after the divorce, she found God. She waited for him. He eventually came to a place where he could trust her again. They had been married for 9 years before the divorce. It took a LONG time. I'm not saying that it isn't possible, but you are called to peace in the event of the unbeliever leaving.
> 
> Right now, you have so many emotions going because of the overwhelming tragic nature of your situation. Grieve....take your time....you may find that God speaks to you in a completely different way in 6 months.


No you are the only on making it confusing. Me saying I will live my life doesn't mean I can't still trust and believe God for my marriage, y'all just like taking people words and twist them and take them out of context. So trusting God for my marriage means I just sit at home all by my lonesome waiting. No I still continue doing what I'm doing now, not seeing anyone, and have a good time with my baby girl and friends, there is nothing wrong with that. You're making it seem like is said once I get divorced imma look for #2. All I said was I would live my life, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna stop trusting and believing God for my marriage.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

standinginthegap said:


> No you are the only on making it confusing. Me saying I will live my life doesn't mean I can't still trust and believe God for my marriage, y'all just like taking people words and twist them and take them out of context. So trusting God for my marriage means I just sit at home all by my lonesome waiting. No I still continue doing what I'm doing now, not seeing anyone, and have a good time with my baby girl and friends, there is nothing wrong with that. You're making it seem like is said once I get divorced imma look for #2. All I said was I would live my life, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna stop trusting and believing God for my marriage.


(sigh)......I'm really trying to help you to see why people are responding the way they are, but................ It's kind of like..."I want encouragement and advice, but only if it comes in the form of what I want." 

Enjoy and good luck. I sincerely hope you get everything you need to in order to live a fully abundant life moving forward.


----------



## standinginthegap

Dedicated2Her said:


> (sigh)......I'm really trying to help you to see why people are responding the way they are, but................ It's kind of like..."I want encouragement and advice, but only if it comes in the form of what I want."
> 
> Enjoy and good luck. I sincerely hope you get everything you need to in order to live a fully abundant life moving forward.


That's not the case at all, but I don't take to kind being spoken to as if I'm crazy for desiring my marriage to be restored. And I actually like the advice you have given me so sorry if I come off weird and defensive. But being questioned about what I'm doing and why I still want him as if I'm second choice, those things do rub me in the wrong way. Because I know I am doing things and I'm not just sitting around and taking it but that's how some tried to make it seem. Not saying you are the one that said some of these things. But I came here for advice and encouragement. And at times some people at TAM can be off putting and be aggressive, when that approach doesn't need to be taken with me. Some may need it but I don't.


----------



## standinginthegap

Dedicated2Her said:


> On one hand you say this:
> 
> 
> 
> On the other, you say this:
> 
> 
> 
> Don't you see the confusion? On one hand, you are saying I will stand for my marriage no matter what and "whatever it takes". On the other, you are saying that you don't know your actions after divorce. But, yet, you have already told us your actions. That you will stand for your marriage "whatever it takes". Which, in our minds, says "regardless if I divorce or not" and "however long I have to wait for him to come back." That is how we interpret it because it's kind of how you are laying it out there. That is the reason the responses are the way they are.
> 
> I have seen multiple marriages restored after divorce. One of my friends were divorced for 7 years. The difference is the wayward had an affair and filed for divorce. 3 months after the divorce, she found God. She waited for him. He eventually came to a place where he could trust her again. They had been married for 9 years before the divorce. It took a LONG time. I'm not saying that it isn't possible, but you are called to peace in the event of the unbeliever leaving.
> 
> Right now, you have so many emotions going because of the overwhelming tragic nature of your situation. Grieve....take your time....you may find that God speaks to you in a completely different way in 6 months.


Thanks for sharing this story but that is exactly what I was referring to when I said idk what it would look like. I'm sure your friend who have a restored marriage didn't know what those 7 yrs was gonna like like, she probably didn't even know how long it would take, because it doesn't happen in our time. So idk what my in the meantime will look like and that's all I was trying to say, but I'm sold out for my marriage so I'm in it for the long haul how ever long that would take. Sorry if I wasn't very clear about that at first.


----------



## Hope1964

standinginthegap said:


> That's not the case at all, but I don't take to kind being spoken to as if I'm crazy for desiring my marriage to be restored. And I actually like the advice you have given me so sorry if I come off weird and defensive. But being questioned about what I'm doing and why I still want him as if I'm second choice, those things do rub me in the wrong way. Because I know I am doing things and I'm not just sitting around and taking it but that's how some tried to make it seem. Not saying you are the one that said some of these things. But I came here for advice and encouragement. And at times some people at TAM can be off putting and be aggressive, when that approach doesn't need to be taken with me. Some may need it but I don't.


What you're doing is declaring that no matter what your husband does to you, you intend to just wait till he sees the light and comes back to you.

What would you consider to be a 'sign from God' that you should end the marriage and get rid of your cheating husband?


----------



## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> What you're doing is declaring that no matter what your husband does to you, you intend to just wait till he sees the light and comes back to you.
> 
> What would you consider to be a 'sign from God' that you should end the marriage and get rid of your cheating husband?


Yes I am, and IDK but if that's the case I will be well aware.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hartvalve

> I have seen multiple marriages restored after divorce. One of my friends were divorced for 7 years. The difference is the wayward had an affair and filed for divorce. 3 months after the divorce, she found God. She waited for him. He eventually came to a place where he could trust her again. They had been married for 9 years before the divorce. It took a LONG time. I'm not saying that it isn't possible, *but you are called to peace in the event of the unbeliever leaving.*


What exactly does this mean? *"Called to peace?"* 

Is it possible to be in a place of peace, *in God*, in the midst of adverse situations and be called a fool by onlookers? The kind of peace in God which bypass our understanding? Our understanding of how God can cause one believer to withstand the most hideous types of treatment and remain strong in him and the next believer crumble in the same situation, is limited. God will cause each one to stand as He so choose. Even the ones we consider frail and weak.

Could it be? God wants the world of believer's to see, no matter how the believer is tested by the enemy, that believer will not leave the post God assigned them and stand the test of time and ridicule? There are no cookie cutter answers when it comes to how God will operate by his Spirit in any situation. Not only does God want husband and wives to remain faithful to one another.. He also wants every believer to remain faithful to him and to remember.. That He is able to keep our minds in perfect peace. Why? Because we remain faithful to him in the midst of every chaotic earthly dilemma we face.. And face them we will.

We have no idea why some believer's remain in bad marriages, but they do, and are called "fools" for doing so. My prayer is that each one remain convinced, still, of the will of God for their lives in him. It is vital we learn how to *hear *God when He gives directions as to what we are to do in these dilemmas. God speaks differently to each one when infidelity is involved. For that matter, not only In marriage, but even when we falter in our faith in God concerning other matters. Our faith in God and perseverance is key to remain at peace when chaos surrounds us.. Especially if God says to us. "Don't move, stand still and watch me save you, your mind, your body and soul." 

For the record. I would never ask a spouse to remain in the same household where there is physical abuse. Wife, husband or children.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> *Originally Posted by Mr Blunt *
> Standinginthegap
> 
> 
> Does your husband respect and admire the scriptures and God?
> 
> *Dedicated2her*
> *Blunt, I would say this is irrelevant.* My ex can quote the entire new testament. She says she respects the scriptures and fears God. Actions-words. Watch the actions, that tells the story. If dude had an affair while his wife was preg and wouldn't stop the affair after she found out, he doesn't respect anything.



*If SITG’s husbands respects and admires the scriptures it can be relevant.* Respecting and admiring the scriptures means that your don’t just talk about the scriptures you diligently strive to live (actions) by them and if you screw up you ask for forgiveness and get back to honoring the scriptures by obeying the scriptures.


I do not know about your ex-wife but it seems that you are saying that she is a hearer of the word but not a doer. Brings to my mind the words of Christ when He said“ Why do you call me Lord Lord and do not the things which I say?


Luke 6:46
King James Version (KJV)
46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

*Because you wife can quote the Bible but has no actions that reflect biblical obedience does not mean that a person that really respects and admires the scriptures is irrelevant*.
My point in asking the question is that if SIGT’s husband really does respect and admire scripture and God then he may change his ways. I agree with you that him having an adulterous affair and leveling his pregnant wife is not a good sign but King David did more than that; he had an adulterous affair and then set up the murder of his affair partner's husband. David came back to God.


*I am not making any predictions but Standinginthegap is looking to scriptures for answers and it is still possble that her husband can repent and get right.* My human logic tells me that I would not bet on him coming back but that is only my opinion.


----------



## standinginthegap

Mr Blunt said:


> My point in asking the question is that if SIGT’s husband really does respect and admire scripture and God then he may change his ways.


My husband grew up in the church and knows who God is and what's in his word. Right now he isn't trying to have a relationship with God, understandable when people are doing wrong they don't try to do right. I'm often reminded of Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." Has my husband departed yes, but I do indeed believe he shall return to it. There are many stories I refer to and look for to pull strength from. Like the prodigal son, in the end he returned home. 

Now many may look at me saying this and try to point out the fact that the prodigal son returned after he was broke and had nothing else, he viewed himself as getting to the lowest point in life he could get to. Someone else already pointed this out in one of my earlier post. Even with that being the case, the father was overjoyed and accepted him back with open arms and didn't look back. Am I not to do the same when my spouse returns?



Mr Blunt said:


> *I am not making any predictions but Standinginthegap is looking to scriptures for answers and it is still possble that her husband can repent and get right.*


Yes, this is exactly what I am looking for and to. Many fail to understand this because of xy&z. But reconciliation is something that is of God, our God is a God of restoration. 



Mr Blunt said:


> My human logic tells me that I would not bet on him coming back but that is only my opinion


As to this we a humans often view things the way we can see it and don't try to see beyond that. We settle for what our minds can comprehend about it. Mr. Blunt I thank you for acknowledging the fact that this is only your opinion, but there are many who portray otherwise as if they know what it should look like and that they have all the answers to how it shall be done. Because of this I am reminded of two verses in particular.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
And
Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

We are to trust in The Lord and not our own understanding, is this hard to do at times. Yes I would be lying if I said it wasn't but when this happens doubt enters. So we just continue to trust God and let him know "Father I believe" and ask him to "help my unbelief" And this is where faith enters, faith calls us to not look at our circumstances but to believe that our God will do it


----------



## SteveK

lenzi said:


> You may believe in the power of reconciliation but your husband doesn't.
> 
> It's not up to you. You're still trying to control him. He's not interested.
> 
> The fact that marriage is part of the forum name doesn't mean that all the posters here favor reconciliation. Especially in a situation like yours where your husband has made it clear he's chosen someone else.
> 
> This has nothing to do with your chosen religion or your believe that God has other plans.
> 
> It's about what your husband wants and it's not you.


I am starting to wonder if it's that you really want to save your marriage or still control your husband.

My wife and I were deeply in love, I was controlling , she was narcissistic , both type A personality! This resulted in lots of fights and arguments.we both became numb.

She ran off with her affair partner. 

We have reconnected as friends, but guess what she is still with the OM, she still wants a divorce had she still wants to marry him.

Is he worse than me yes, has he had multiple affairs yes, but none of this matters to her,what matters is what she believes to be true, and that he is not me as her husband.

She even calls it her Rebirth! And we are not Christians.


----------



## Hope1964

standinginthegap said:


> Yes I am, and IDK but if that's the case I will be well aware.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's already done one of the worst things a spouse can do - cheated. On top of that he's totally unrepentant. And you still want him. I find that sad, frankly. 

What would you do if he started beating you up? Or beating your kids up? I mean, seriously, what would it take?

I think rather than, or in addition to, praying you should be seeking counseling. Find out why it is that you value yourself so little.


----------



## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> He's already done one of the worst things a spouse can do - cheated. On top of that he's totally unrepentant. And you still want him. I find that sad, frankly.
> 
> What would you do if he started beating you up? Or beating your kids up? I mean, seriously, what would it take?
> 
> I think rather than, or in addition to, praying you should be seeking counseling. Find out why it is that you value yourself so little.


I've gone to counseling and I've seeked out help and have received it. And that is your opinion of me, doesn't make it true. I do value myself, care for and love myself. Me wanting my marriage to be restored doesn't mean I don't. Just because my spouse isn't remorseful now, doesn't mean he will never be, people change, circumstances change, life is every changing. 

You are trying to put every marriage that have ever been restored into a cookie cutter of what it should look like, you make it seem like him cheating is the worst thing ever, your spouse did it to you but yet you took him back, but your trying to make it seem as if your situation is okay and you taking your spouse back is acceptable because he was remorseful and he worked at it to prove that to you, then you are wrong for thinking that. I know plenty of marriages that have been restored where this isn't the case. Every marriage that have been restored has different circumstances and different things that panned out to get them there.

Clearly you don't agree with my stand on wanting my marriage to be restored and thank God I don't need you to be. You keep asking me questions about what if and they are really a mute point because those things haven't happened so it really doesn't matter. You are not married to my husband you are not me so why does it matter what it will take. Right now my husband and I are separated, what he does to bring about the ending of our marriage is on him. But whatever the out come there is nothing wrong with me believing God for my marriage, and if this is what God has for me when that time comes, I will know and that is what it will take.


----------



## Mr Blunt

Standinginthegap is correct in that it is possible that he will come back to the marriage.
Our opinions are what we think that we would do if we were in her situation. Some are basing their opinions on what happened to them. There are many different outcomes.



SITG is following who she should follow and has posted a very appropriate verse below even though it is very hard to do.
*Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding*


*Standinginthegap is looking to scriptures and God and if she continues she will be a better woman with or without her husband. *God’s ultimate purpose is that the person trust in God with all their heart and it seems that SITG is on the right track.


----------



## Hope1964

standinginthegap said:


> You are trying to put every marriage that have ever been restored into a cookie cutter of what it should look like, you make it seem like him cheating is the worst thing ever, your spouse did it to you but yet you took him back, but your trying to make it seem as if your situation is okay and you taking your spouse back is acceptable because he was remorseful and he worked at it to prove that to you, then you are wrong for thinking that. I know plenty of marriages that have been restored where this isn't the case. .


Anyone who takes back a cheating spouse that isn't remorseful hasn't restored their marriage. All they've done is fooled themselves. WHY would anyone want SO BADLY to be with someone who has so obviously thrown them aside?? And I actually kicked my spouse out when he cheated. The very day I found out. The ONLY reason I took him back is because he proved that he was worth another shot. Anyone who is with someone who hasn't proven they're worth it is delusional.

I really DO hope that your husband someday wakes up and sees the light. I just really hate to see people, especially women, pining after these cheaters and wanting them back and not realizing that THEY have the power to restore happiness in their OWN lives, yet they don't DO it.

I won't post on your thread any more because you obviously don't want to hear what I have to say. I just hope that some day you don't look back on this and think to yourself "if ONLY I had listened to that girl who told me to just take the bull by the horns and do what needed doing THEN!"


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Mr Blunt said:


> *If SITG’s husbands respects and admires the scriptures it can be relevant.* Respecting and admiring the scriptures means that your don’t just talk about the scriptures you diligently strive to live (actions) by them and if you screw up you ask for forgiveness and get back to honoring the scriptures by obeying the scriptures.
> 
> 
> I do not know about your ex-wife but it seems that you are saying that she is a hearer of the word but not a doer. Brings to my mind the words of Christ when He said“ Why do you call me Lord Lord and do not the things which I say?
> 
> 
> Luke 6:46
> King James Version (KJV)
> 46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
> 
> *Because you wife can quote the Bible but has no actions that reflect biblical obedience does not mean that a person that really respects and admires the scriptures is irrelevant*.
> My point in asking the question is that if SIGT’s husband really does respect and admire scripture and God then he may change his ways. I agree with you that him having an adulterous affair and leveling his pregnant wife is not a good sign but King David did more than that; he had an adulterous affair and then set up the murder of his affair partner's husband. David came back to God.
> 
> 
> *I am not making any predictions but Standinginthegap is looking to scriptures for answers and it is still possble that her husband can repent and get right.* My human logic tells me that I would not bet on him coming back but that is only my opinion.


My ex wife has a respect and admiration of scripture-----through the prism of her own bias. See, you can manipulate scripture to mean many things to yourself. She is a doer, and she thinks she is right. She absolutely agrees that divorce is wrong, however, she also believes she has been forgiven and given grace for her decision as have those other's who have sinned. That is why I say it is irrelevant. We see what we want to see. standinginthegap has gone to scripture to look for hope, and she has found it. My ex went to scripture to find forgiveness/grace, and she found it. Like I said, irrelevant.

The true miracle of all this is the opportunity for standinginthegap to become who she was created to be in walking with Christ. The rest (marriage restoration).......isn't eternally important. It is eternally important that her and her husband become what they need to be on this earth in order to be a light to this world. If that means divorce, so be it.


----------



## Conrad

The real tragedy would be for each to learn nothing, divorce, and move forward to wreck two more families.


----------



## standinginthegap

Conrad said:


> The real tragedy would be for each to learn nothing, divorce, and move forward to wreck two more families.


????? What family have I recked
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## standinginthegap

Hope1964 said:


> Anyone who takes back a cheating spouse that isn't remorseful hasn't restored their marriage. All they've done is fooled themselves. WHY would anyone want SO BADLY to be with someone who has so obviously thrown them aside?? And I actually kicked my spouse out when he cheated. The very day I found out. The ONLY reason I took him back is because he proved that he was worth another shot. Anyone who is with someone who hasn't proven they're worth it is delusional.
> 
> I really DO hope that your husband someday wakes up and sees the light. I just really hate to see people, especially women, pining after these cheaters and wanting them back and not realizing that THEY have the power to restore happiness in their OWN lives, yet they don't DO it.
> 
> I won't post on your thread any more because you obviously don't want to hear what I have to say. I just hope that some day you don't look back on this and think to yourself "if ONLY I had listened to that girl who told me to just take the bull by the horns and do what needed doing THEN!"


Again you are trying to compare my situation to yours. My husband isn't remorseful now, and haven't repent yet but that doesn't mean he never will. Like I've said before if my marriage being restored is what God has for me than all of those things you are point out about my husband now won't be an issue then. You are so focused on you being right, what if you are wrong? There is only one person that knows the outcome to this situation. NEWSFLASH: that isn't you.

Just because I'm not doing what you think I should be doing doesn't mean I'm not doing things. Trust me when I say inspite of my circumstances I do have joy and happiness. Do I have down days yes, but my husband is not the source of my happiness._Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As'laDain

so, standinginthegap, do you plan to have your husband confess his infidelity in order to be forgiven? and if so, who does he confess it to?

i really want to see your marriage restored, and im going to go ahead and believe that it WILL happen.

i think you should expose his sins now. expose it to as many christians as you know. telling them isnt something you do out of spite. you NEED more christians praying with you. 

remember Mathew 18: 19 and 20. 

please do not pray alone. gather together with your fellow saints and pray. tell them whats going on so that they know what to pray about. 

im praying for you.


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## standinginthegap

As'laDain said:


> so, standinginthegap, do you plan to have your husband confess his infidelity in order to be forgiven? and if so, who does he confess it to?
> 
> i really want to see your marriage restored, and im going to go ahead and believe that it WILL happen.
> 
> i think you should expose his sins now. expose it to as many christians as you know. telling them isnt something you do out of spite. you NEED more christians praying with you.
> 
> remember Mathew 18: 19 and 20.
> 
> please do not pray alone. gather together with your fellow saints and pray. tell them whats going on so that they know what to pray about.
> 
> im praying for you.


My husband hasn't asked me to forgive him but he doesn't need to because I already have, the only person he has to confess his sins to is God, not me.


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## Mr Blunt

> Originally Posted by Mr Blunt
> Standinginthegap
> Does your husband respect and admire the scriptures and God?
> 
> *By Dedicated2her*
> Blunt, I would say this is irrelevant.
> 
> 
> 
> *If SITG’s husband respects and admires the scriptures it can be relevant.* Respecting and admiring the scriptures means that your don’t just talk about the scriptures you diligently strive to live (actions) by them and if you screw up you ask for forgiveness and get back to honoring the scriptures by obeying the scriptures.
> 
> *BY Dedicated2her*
> standinginthegap has gone to scripture to look for hope, and she has found it. My ex went to scripture to find forgiveness/grace, and she found it. *Like I said, irrelevant*



In your last post you said that standinginthegap and your wife found hope, grace, and forgiveness in the scriptures. *That makes scripture relevant!*

*SITG’s gaps husband can find in scripture that what he is doing is against God’s ways, receive grace and forgiveness and decide to change. That can make scriptures relevant also!*


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## Mr Blunt

> My husband hasn't asked me to forgive him but he doesn't need to because I already have, the only person he has to confess his sins to God, not me.



*Standinginthegap
That statement above seems like wisdom to me.
God rewards actions like you took.*


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## As'laDain

standinginthegap said:


> My husband hasn't asked me to forgive him but he doesn't need to because I already have, the only person he has to confess his sins to is God, not me.


well, i admire your faith and ill be praying for you and your wayward husband.

God bless.


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## Dedicated2Her

Mr Blunt said:


> In your last post you said that standinginthegap and your wife found hope, grace, and forgiveness in the scriptures. *That makes scripture relevant!*
> 
> *SITG’s gaps husband can find in scripture that what he is doing is against God’s ways, receive grace and forgiveness and decide to change. That can make scriptures relevant also!*



Wow. Talk about out of context. I'm saying that it is irrelevant whether her husband respects and admires scripture in regards to whether he returns or not...........

Because, scripturally........he can get forgiveness and move on.


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## Mr Blunt

> Because, scripturally........he can get forgiveness and move on.


OR he can get forgivenes and return to his family
Scripture is relevant


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## LoveNpieces

I have been reading and saddened by some of the commentary attacking her for her stand. Just because you don't agree with something doesn't mean we should criticize her for her conviction, Everyone has their own beliefs and opinions. We should not judge the heart of another if they Stand for their beliefs and we disagree with the circumstances. Who are we to judge another's walk especially where God is concerned?
Things are not always black and white in every cheating scenario or marriage. I have seen God move in situations where things were beyond hopeless. We do not know each others hearts or entire life to pass judgment. There is only one judge. 
Think of how many times we have faltered in our own lives. If she believes what is in her heart then she must follow what she feels. She is not controlling anyone but her own self. She chooses to see the hope instead of the doom. Many of us are also standing for our marriages. A marriage is not just between man and woman but a vow between us and God. It is why many of us feel called to stand and try despite certain circumstances. We may not understand peoples actions or choices but we don't have to. We should respect that we have different ways and thoughts. God can make anything possible.


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