# Addiction and sexual secrets



## Leavingyou (1 mo ago)

I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for almost 3. The past 3 years he has been becoming more closed off and not telling me things. I have caught him in small stupid lies but nothing significant. He is irritable but still seems like he loves me. I beg him to tell me things about his life as I share everything with him. Our sex life has not been good since the beginning of our marriage. Last week I found ED pills in the bathroom closet in one of his bags along with stimulant pills. I already know he is on adderall for ADHD. I confronted him about these and tell him that he has a problem and he makes a grand gesture to throw away all the pills he take which includes adderall, modafinil (illegal bought over seas), stimulant power, liquid, THC pills, THC vape, and alottttt of ED pills. I am still mad at this point but he is still in the house. The next night he went to a work dinner and I went through his iPad and found he order sex toys in the past 2 months. Just to be very clear, these were bdsm toys (we have never done this before) including a shocking butt plug and a chastity cage with keys. I confront him and he says he was going to tell me about it for us (lying again). I tell him he needs to leave the house. I find chastity keys hidden all around the house and in his truck and things start to make sense to me like whenever he would rub my feet he would go to the bathroom first to take it off so I wouldn’t feel it on him. This is something he has never told me. I went through his computer and found he 3D printed one 1.5 years ago (halfway into our marriage) and he told me he bought another one about 6 months ago but only tried it on. I don’t understand how I could have missed this and been so stupid. I never even thought he could do something like this and hide something like this from me.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Leavingyou said:


> I have been with my husband for 8 years


I would say ‘Congradulations’ except that the title of this thread and the forum you put it in begs further explaination.

Whats up?


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## Leavingyou (1 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I would say ‘Congradulations’ except that the title of this thread and the forum you put it in begs further explaination.
> 
> Whats up?


Sorry. Just finished it. It saved too quickly.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Leavingyou said:


> I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for almost 3. The past 3 years he has been becoming more closed off and not telling me things. I have caught him in small stupid lies but nothing significant. He is irritable but still seems like he loves me. I beg him to tell me things about his life as I share everything with him. Our sex life has not been good since the beginning of our marriage. Last week I found ED pills in the bathroom closet in one of his bags along with stimulant pills. I already know he is on adderall for ADHD. I confronted him about these and tell him that he has a problem and he makes a grand gesture to throw away all the pills he take which includes adderall, modafinil (illegal bought over seas), stimulant power, liquid, THC pills, THC vape, and alottttt of ED pills. I am still mad at this point but he is still in the house. The next night he went to a work dinner and I went through his iPad and found he order sex toys in the past 2 months. Just to be very clear, these were bdsm toys (we have never done this before) including a shocking butt plug and a chastity cage with keys. I confront him and he says he was going to tell me about it for us (lying again). I tell him he needs to leave the house. I find chastity keys hidden all around the house and in his truck and things start to make sense to me like whenever he would rub my feet he would go to the bathroom first to take it off so I wouldn’t feel it on him. This is something he has never told me. I went through his computer and found he 3D printed one 1.5 years ago (halfway into our marriage) and he told me he bought another one about 6 months ago but only tried it on. I don’t understand how I could have missed this and been so stupid. I never even thought he could do something like this and hide something like this from me.


Wow, that is truly messy!

So you think he is addicted to drugs?
What is he doing with the sex toys, using them himself or does he have a playmate?

Either way there is a deep dark rabbit hole in front of you and nothing good goes on down there.

Are you prepared to kick his butt out?


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## Leavingyou (1 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Wow, that is truly messy!
> 
> So you think he is addicted to drugs?
> What is he doing with the sex toys, using them himself or does he have a playmate?
> ...


He is definitely addicted. I kicked him out 5 days ago now and keep riding hidden pills and sex keys all over the house.
mad for the toys I don’t think he is in a physical relationship with someone else but more of a chat room/online group. He refuses to get to bed at the same time as me and looking back now it’s probably so he could play online while I’m sleeping.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Leavingyou said:


> He is definitely addicted. I kicked him out 5 days ago now and keep riding hidden pills and sex keys all over the house.
> mad for the toys I don’t think he is in a physical relationship with someone else but more of a chat room/online group. He refuses to get to bed at the same time as me and looking back now it’s probably so he could play online while I’m sleeping.


If he’s playing with others online then he’s having _at least_ and emotional affair.

But he’s out of the house now, implying that you are separated. Are you prepping for divorce?


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## Leavingyou (1 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> If he’s playing with others online then he’s having _at least_ and emotional affair.
> 
> But he’s out of the house now, implying that you are separated. Are you prepping for divorce?


I meet with my lawyer this week to get everything started. I just keep getting retriggered when I find another key or pill and have a complete meltdown.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Leavingyou said:


> I meet with my lawyer this week to get everything started. I just keep getting retriggered when I find another key or pill and have a complete meltdown.


Your soon to be ex is a real gem.

But look to the future, you’ll be better off when this is done. You’re young, right? Don’t let the wrong turn be a wreck for your life. Just get back in the right track.

Think of going through divorce the same as you would grief. Take care of yourself, surround yourself with supportive people, get into the world one step at a time, but take all the time you need to take care of yourself.

And keep posting on TAM, the people here are great and will help you through every step.


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## Leavingyou (1 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Your soon to be ex is a real gem.
> 
> But look to the future, you’ll be better off when this is done. You’re young, right? Don’t let the wrong turn be a wreck for your life. Just get back in the right track.
> 
> ...


I helps the more I talk about it. He is a terrible person and karma will catch up to him one day. I honestly feel better already just talking with you and having my feeling validated. I have an amazing supportive family but they will always side with me. Haha. I’m good to talk with other people as well.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Leavingyou said:


> I helps the more I talk about it. He is a terrible person and karma will catch up to him one day. I honestly feel better already just talking with you and having my feeling validated. I have an amazing supportive family but they will always side with me. Haha. I’m good to talk with other people as well.


Families can be wonderfully supportive, sometimes you just have to let them.

Try to switch to thinking of your ex as the enemy now. He’s no longer your friend, no longer on your side, no longer your partner/mate/bestie. He’s the enemy and will hurt you if he can.

If you can make that mental change, it will give you strength for the days ahead.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Leavingyou said:



I don’t understand how I could have missed this and been so stupid. I never even thought he could do something like this and hide something like this from me.

Click to expand...

*I think a lot of people just choose to ignore the red flags flapping in their face. I guess you decided you were done playing dumb.

For the love of God just call your damned divorce lawyer already. This guy is such a freakin' deviant.


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