# What do I do with this?!?!? 😧



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Spent the day with my 19yo daughter. She told me her Dad came home drunk a few months ago and announced loudly to her and her best friend that he “just got some ****!” Really?!?!? Who does that? I’ve been in a relationship now for almost 2 years. I’ve never once discussed my sex life with my daughters. What a pig.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The creep is probably interested in her friend. I have definitely seen grown men who had no boundaries with teenage girls.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

To answer the thread title, you roll your eyes. If your daughter was 12 I would suggest smacking him in the back of the head and asking what the hell is wrong with him. 

Who does that? A grown ass man with the maturity of a 17 year old boy.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The creep is probably interested in her friend. I have definitely seen grown men who had no boundaries with teenage girls.


Only if her best friend is male.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> Spent the day with my 19yo daughter. She told me her Dad came home drunk a few months ago and announced loudly to her and her best friend that he “just got some ****!” Really?!?!? Who does that? I’ve been in a relationship now for almost 2 years. I’ve never once discussed my sex life with my daughters. What a pig.


Well, he is a piece of **** but at least your daughter is old enough to decide whether she wants to be around a loser or not.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> Only if her best friend is male.


Sharp as usual 👍


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Nothing. 
It was an immature, douchey statement made to an adult child. Chalk it up to that’s why you’re no longer his wife and don’t waste any more time thinking about it.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> Nothing.
> It was an immature, douchey statement made to an adult child. Chalk it up to that’s why you’re no longer his wife and don’t waste any more time thinking about it.


Except I also have a daughter who is still a minor and I’d bet my next paycheck he’s said something similar to her. 😡😡😡


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your ex-husband is a fool but I’m sure you already know that. Risking everyone‘s health so he could flit around Disney recently is a good example. I’d bet he “got some ****” then as well. He has no boundaries and he’s not likely to find any at this late date.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@notmyjamie 

Well...we already know that your exH is not the zenith of moral behavior because after all he did trick you into years of marriage "while being gay." In addition he made babies, and then put his own sexual desires ahead of the well-being of his children, tearing their family life apart. So this is not news. 

The fact that he'd a) come home drunk, and b) while drunk, make a statement like that to his children is disgusting, but to be honest, it's not utterly surprising. I mean, it's not as if he's been a saintly, selfless husband and father here! It reminds me of that quote: "When someone tells you who they are, believe them!" 

In this instance, your 19yo is clearly old enough to just have a frank talk with her and say that you're sorry she was subjected to that, but that she is a strong, adult woman and if she doesn't like that kind of talk, she has your permission and support to speak up for herself and tell her father that his sex life is private and she doesn't want to hear about it. Now your minor, I'd say be honest and open also, but in an age appropriate way that doesn't disparage her father. For example, you could tell her that when adults talk about things to a child that make the child uncomfortable or they don't like it, that it is OKAY for the child to make a request of the adult to stop talking about that. Maybe, you could role play with her for the next time her dad talks about something she doesn't like...and help her find her own words and voice to speak to her own father. 

Make sense? 

You can't fix him. He's not in a good place. And you can't MAKE him be a good parent. But you can help teach your kids and give them the tools they need to navigate a relationship with their father.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Your ex-husband is a fool but I’m sure you already know that. Risking everyone‘s health so he could flit around Disney recently is a good example. I’d bet he “got some ****” then as well. He has no boundaries and he’s not likely to find any at this late date.


No defense of ExH, but why would going to Disney risk everyone’s health?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

DudeInProgress said:


> No defense of ExH, but why would going to Disney risk everyone’s health?


Covid.

IIRC, he tested positive after he got back.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

That does change things a bit. Question is what do you want to do? Confront ExH, just talk to daughters? 
Talking to daughters further to get better picture of what was said, as well as if there have been other inappropriate things, before talking to ExH is probably a good idea.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

notmyjamie said:


> Spent the day with my 19yo daughter. She told me her Dad came home drunk a few months ago and announced loudly to her and her best friend that he “just got some ****!” Really?!?!? Who does that? I’ve been in a relationship now for almost 2 years. I’ve never once discussed my sex life with my daughters. What a pig.


How did your daughter react / what did she say to him?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Covid.
> 
> IIRC, he tested positive after he got back.


OK. Not to thread Jack, but this is really important for some people to understand. Half the country, and probably a lot more are not terrified of Covid and will not put their lives on hold over it. So a very large segment of the population (probably a majority) would not consider going to Disney irresponsible at all. Just saying, not a good example


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Ugh, that's gross. I wouldn't want to hear a parent talk like that at 41!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

At 19 if one of my parents drunkenly announced that they just got some, I'd probably just roll my eyes and say, "OK Mom/Dad, I think its bedtime.", guide them back the hall to their bedroom, and then laugh about it once they'd staggered off to bed. I'd probably do the same thing at 16, too. It'd probably get a bit more awkward if I was much younger than that though.

My parents were often drunk. We could always have frank discussions about things if we wanted to (and sometimes when we didn't). They were never single so announcing they got some came in the form of sounds from their bedroom _cough_. From the time I knew that sex was a thing that parents did, I knew that my parents did it. Very few specifics were shared at least until my friends started becoming sexually active and then details and experiences were shared since they had obviously done it and knew things.

I'm never drunk and I don't have a sex life to disclose so I'm not going to run into this issue personally. My ex doesn't generally drink to excess and I think has found dating in her 40s a bit challenging so I don't think its going to be a problem on her side either. We're nowhere near to crossing that bridge as parents yet.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> OK. Not to thread Jack, but this is really important for some people to understand. Half the country, and probably a lot more are not terrified of Covid and will not put their lives on hold over it. So a very large segment of the population (probably a majority) would not consider going to Disney irresponsible at all. Just saying, not a good example


All three of our girls are high risk...and one is super high risk with both Asthma and a Cardiac condition. To travel during a big spike was irresponsible for sure. He admitted it after he got them sick.

I stayed away from my kids for a long time because of all the exposure to Covid I got at work. He told me I was a great Mom for staying away knowing how much it hurt me to not see my girls. He knew it was a risk. He travelled anyway.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Thanks for all your comments. My daughter took it in stride. She sort of laughed it off and said “at least he’s finally being true to himself” which is a fair point.

I’ve always talked about sex to my kids as if it’s a normal part of life and nothing to find scandalous and I think that has helped here. I asked her how’d she’feel if I did the same thing and she said “I’d be happy for you, you deserve it Mom” which is sweet. I’ve been with BF for almost 2 years and my girls havebeen very accepting of it. 

honestly, she seemed more upset that he sent her a drunken Snapchat offering to bring her to Disney with him next time and then took it back the next day saying “you can’t take that promise seriously...I was drunk.” Asshat. Not the first time he did that to my girls.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

DudeInProgress said:


> OK. Not to thread Jack, but this is really important for some people to understand. Half the country, and probably a lot more are not terrified of Covid and will not put their lives on hold over it. So a very large segment of the population (probably a majority) would not consider going to Disney irresponsible at all. Just saying, not a good example


That's the scariest part of all. The rest of the world is honestly gobsmacked that so many Americans appear to have this view. It really is unbelievable.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

DudeInProgress said:


> OK. Not to thread Jack, but this is really important for some people to understand. Half the country, and probably a lot more are not terrified of Covid and will not put their lives on hold over it. So a very large segment of the population (probably a majority) would not consider going to Disney irresponsible at all. Just saying, not a good example


Her daughters have health issues IIRC so likely more at risk for complications than others their age. I can’t remember now if they all got it from him or not but, yes, it was very irresponsible IMO.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Her daughters have health issues IIRC so likely more at risk for complications than others their age. I can’t remember now if they all got it from him or not but, yes, it was very irresponsible IMO.


Fair enough in that case


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

notmyjamie said:


> All three of our girls are high risk...and one is super high risk with both Asthma and a Cardiac condition. To travel during a big spike was irresponsible for sure. He admitted it after he got them sick.
> 
> I stayed away from my kids for a long time because of all the exposure to Covid I got at work. He told me I was a great Mom for staying away knowing how much it hurt me to not see my girls. He knew it was a risk. He travelled anyway.


fair enough, makes sense.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> fair enough, makes sense.


Thank you. That actually means a lot coming from someone with your opinion about all of it. It really pissed me off. My girls thankfully did okay eventually but it was pretty scary for a while. They were VERY sick. My youngest almost flunked out of 11th grade because of it. Thankfully her school worked SO hard to help her catch up after missing 6 weeks of school. What affect this will have on her college applications next year remains to be seen.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

DudeInProgress said:


> it’s a virus that has something like a 99.95% recovery rate for people under 70. What’s unbelievable is the fact that so many are willing to destroy their society and economy over this. I’m not saying we shouldn’t take basic precautions, but what’s been going on for the last year and still going on is an overreaction of historic proportions.


That may be the case, but the long term affects that are starting to now show, of this virus have proven to be very damaging, includinglung scarring and heart damage.

Anyway; enough thread jacking. Back to our regular scheduled program.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

@notmyjamie,

Might be an opportunity to make a connection in your daughters’ minds about the risks of misusing alcohol. Subtly or very directly.

I’ve seen enough damage caused by people drinking and ****ing themselves over and the ones they supposedly care about, I tend not to let such opportunities pass me by. I sometimes mention there may be a genetic component my kids may want to consider. YMMV.

In the early days, I might have waffled on acknowledging or pointing out the inappropriateness and badness and harmfulness of certain behaviors. As time went on, I felt a clear need to be blunt about the behavior. Was careful, when it came to parental figures, to be critical of the behaviors, not the person as a whole.

As ****ty as his behavior is, it just may be your daughters will learn from it all important skills (eg how to judge people carefully) and feel a strong aversion to tolerating bs in their relationships.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> honestly, she seemed more upset that he sent her a drunken Snapchat offering to bring her to Disney with him next time and then took it back the next day saying “you can’t take that promise seriously...I was drunk.” Asshat. Not the first time he did that to my girls.


Maybe Asshat needs reminding that his daughters will be picking out his nursing home. Dad of the year, he ain't.


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