# LADIES...what do you value most?



## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Ladies, what do you value most? Help me understand what matters most to you and why! :|

Please rank the following items with 1 being MOST IMPORTANT and higher numbers being LESS IMPORTANT. Again, your explanation for the ranking will be very helpful! :grin2:

a) Financial security
b) Good relationship (communication, trust, etc.)
c) Good family life (SO good with kids, etc.)
d) Good sex life
e) Good social life (either couples' friends, women's night out, etc.)
f) Something else (wealth, personal career, hobbies, ???)


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

_anonymous_ said:


> Ladies, what do you value most? Help me understand what matters most to you and why! :|
> 
> Please rank the following items with 1 being MOST IMPORTANT and higher numbers being LESS IMPORTANT. Again, your explanation for the ranking will be very helpful! :grin2:
> 
> ...


A good relationship is most important to me, followed by financial security. Everything else pretty much flows from that.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

How presumptuous of you. 

Most people desire Great things. "Good" is for suckers with no balls


----------



## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

MarriedDude said:


> How presumptuous of you. Most people desire Great things.


I just used one adjective versus another. You sound presumptuous, actually. :grin2:



MarriedDude said:


> Most people desire Great things. "Good" is for suckers with no balls


Sorry to learn how you missed your mark. :wink2:


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> I just used one adjective versus another. You sound presumptuous, actually. :grin2:
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry to learn how you missed your mark. :wink2:


Oh lordy. 

Somebody must be working on a school paper........or attempting to learn how to be a grown up

So...to be clear...your stated position is that "good" is equivalent to "great"? Which seems to ring true given your comment above...


----------



## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

MarriedDude said:


> "good" is equivalent to "great"


Good and great connote positive versus negative, no? Along the lines you're arguing, why stop at "great"? Why not a "terrific" this or that? Or better yet, "exceptional"! 

If you were MarriedDudette, this whole back and forth would be more valuable. At least I'd have reached the target gender.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> Good and great connote positive versus negative, no? Along the lines you're arguing, why stop at "great"? Why not a "terrific" this or that? Or better yet, "exceptional"!
> 
> If you were MarriedDudette, this whole back and forth would be more valuable. At least I'd have reached the target gender.


So. Is it school Project? I note that you have very few posts...so you want information...and have contributed nothing...

Might as well be upfront


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

_anonymous_ said:


> Ladies, what do you value most? Help me understand what matters most to you and why! :|
> 
> Please rank the following items with 1 being MOST IMPORTANT and higher numbers being LESS IMPORTANT. Again, your explanation for the ranking will be very helpful! :grin2:
> 
> ...


I'll play. And I am start enough to know that in this context good = great.

Good/great relationship. (I do not separate sex from a good/great relationship.)

But financial security is an interesting one. *In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs*, Physiological needs are basic (food, water, warmth, rest) and safety (security, safety) are required to exist before a person can consider Psychological needs (Belonging and love needs: intimate relationships & friends). 

I’m a realist. In our society a person cannot get their two basic needs and safety needs met without some level of financial security. For most of us that means we need a job/career to meet those. Clearly, a person who is the breadwinner (male or female) must put a lot of value into their job/career to meet the basic and safety needs.

While it’s not all that romantic, the truth is that for most people, financial security is what they value the most. It must exist so that they can just live. If you live on the street, are starving, etc. with no means of financial stability, love and a good relationship is going to be way down on your list.


----------



## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> for most people, financial security is what they value the most. It must exist so that they can just live.


You've summarized this very well, and I tend to agree with you. While the importance of financial security seems a "no-brainer", I didn't understand this when I got married 10 years ago. In retrospect, I have to wonder if the reality "of needing money to live" evades a lot of newly weds who believe love conquers all. Back then, togetherness seemed most important to me and I remember judging my wife for what seemed to be her overly high valuation of income. But in the midst of some financial hardships during the "Great Recession", I realized that these stressors were driving a wedge between husband and wife, and making togetherness quite the feat!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

_anonymous_ said:


> You've summarized this very well, and I tend to agree with you. While the importance of financial security seems a "no-brainer", I didn't understand this when I got married 10 years ago. In retrospect, I have to wonder if the reality "of needing money to live" evades a lot of newly weds who believe love conquers all. Back then, togetherness seemed most important to me and I remember judging my wife for what seemed to be her overly high valuation of income. But in the midst of some financial hardships during the "Great Recession", I realized that these stressors were driving a wedge between husband and wife, and making togetherness quite the feat!


I'm sure that we have all known young couples who believe that love conquers all. Then a few years down the road, they are struggling with a child or two, can hardly make ends meet and their relationship is falling apart because of it. 

We get couples struggling with this on TAM as well.

It's sad but a reality of life.


----------



## Justsayin4897 (Jan 22, 2016)

I have to go with B


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> Ladies, what do you value most? Help me understand what matters most to you and why! :|
> 
> Please rank the following items with 1 being MOST IMPORTANT and higher numbers being LESS IMPORTANT. Again, your explanation for the ranking will be very helpful! :grin2:
> 
> ...


 6

I think i might have answered differently depending on which stage of life I am at. When I was younger 1 followed by 2 probably. Now I am more secure financially it seems less important in our marriage. Sex would have to be in the top three for me as it is important to the relationship. Obviously family is also very important. My H and I have never had the kind of marriage where we do alot of things with other couples, we are both quite independent and have our own friends, do our own things, it is just the way we are. Occasionally we might attend weddings, company events, or events which his friends or my friends organise but we don't really do the couples thing...which is something to do with our cultural background i guess, he has always done things with his extended family for the most part and I do not live in the country I was born and raised so don't have the roots here that would probably result in the couples thing.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

_anonymous_ said:


> Ladies, what do you value most? Help me understand what matters most to you and why! :|
> 
> Please rank the following items with 1 being MOST IMPORTANT and higher numbers being LESS IMPORTANT. Again, your explanation for the ranking will be very helpful! :grin2:
> 
> ...


----------



## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Thanks for positing, aine and Spicy. I see a common trend in your replies, where family and relationship are of higher importance than other things that might matter more to others. For me, this is interesting because it resonates with how I believe my wife values things. 

If I had to estimate her value system based on what I know of her, it would be:

1) Career
2) Financial security 
3) Relationship 
4) Family 
5) Social life 
6) Sex life 

I can understand 2-4 getting high importance. I struggle with 1 getting the highest importance, and 5-6 getting such low importance.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

She invests in what brings her the returns she values most.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

_anonymous_ said:


> Ladies, what do you value most? Help me understand what matters most to you and why! :|
> 
> Please rank the following items with 1 being MOST IMPORTANT and higher numbers being LESS IMPORTANT. Again, your explanation for the ranking will be very helpful! :grin2:
> 
> ...


 *Financial Security*, *TRUST* and *sexual intimacy* are all paramount to me.. all are needed or it all falls apart... being able to afford to live, pay our bills, have a stable home life ...without these...the stress would shoot to the heavens, fighting, ruining everything else- even if they were good! .. 

The same with physical intimacy.. if he didn't show desire, that need to be close, wanting me...I'd grow cold and angry...and start thinking over the fence, what am I missing! Our communication, sharing our day, inviting the other into our world, talking things over, going forth as a team...without this.. we would start feeling disconnected.. running to others to fill that void.. not good.. 

So those 3 are on the top for me.. 

4. Good family life.. time with kids.. taking family vacations.. making treasured memories.. also very important. 

5. Social life -this would be the bottom for us.. we both enjoy spending time together.. he has no need for Guys night out -sees a few men at work.. enough buddy time, so he would say..... I was never big on "Girls night out"..... sure I get together with friends occasionally but it's not a fixed "do this so often" type of thing or I miss it terribly...


----------



## Sarah1976 (Feb 4, 2017)

I would say trust. All of those things, for me, stem from trust. Financial security to us means that we may not have a lot but it is well planned which in turn brings trust and security. A good love life is important but a bad love life brings distrust and low self esteem. I hate to admit it, I am basically in a sexless marriage and no he isn't cheating he just doesn't know how to love. So, I suppose for me all of it is important because one can easily topple the entire thing as all of those things require trust.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

I feel emotional security is actually at the top for me. I know my husband will work on issues with me. He won't just leave at the first bump in the road. I am not afraid of sharing my feelings with him, or letting him know I'm upset about something. He accepts my imperfections and works with them. I won't get any silent treatment or yelling (I can't stand yelling). I feel safe with him. I don't know if that falls under "Good relationship" or not. We may have arguments and get pissy with each other. But at the end of the day, I don't worry he might leave me someday if I'm not absolutely perfect. I've had that sort of relationship many times before and never felt like I could truly be myself. 

After that I would place financial security and sex at the top. The rest sort of follows.


----------

