# Greeting your wife--a question



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Husband ALWAYS kisses me when he gets home from work (and before he leaves for work too).

But if he meets me somewhere after work (like anywhere else and we're others like my family or other random people) he just says hi when he shows up. And then gives me a quick kiss later when its not so 'public'.

I HATE this, I said I'd always prefer a kiss like normal and if he feels uncomfortable in front of my family, then just a kiss on the head then. He's generally more conservative (and so is my family) but I don't care, I always prefer this. He said he'll try to remember more often and he does *sometimes* but then forgets again and it annoys me that I have to remind him again that I would much rather him keep it 'normal'. 

Just curious what you do and if I'm expecting too much (or just let it go because sometimes he remembers, sometimes he doesn't, that's it).


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Honestly, I think he sounds a like a great guy. He kisses you when he comes home and leaves the house. He obviously is not comfortable with PDA. And, there could be lots of reasons for his level of comfort in this area. 

If it is cultural, I think you will probably find this the hardest thing for him to overcome and maybe you just have to accept that he will not show you PDA ever. If it a level of comfort he has with his own maturity level (and yes we continue through different phase as we get older), it may change with time. I don't know how long you have been married, but this may just be a matter of getting used to this role as Husband and no doubt has yet to get that level of comfort with your family. 

This is the best I can tell you. But, I would certainly try to focus on his positive attributes and he certainly sounds like a great husband. Sometimes you can encourage someone's behavior much better with compliments than with criticism. "Honey, I really love the way you kiss me when you come home from work"... This may encourage him to expand those boundaries. Just my $0.02 worth of information.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

drerio said:


> Honestly, I think he sounds a like a great guy. He kisses you when he comes home and leaves the house. He obviously is not comfortable with PDA. And, there could be lots of reasons for his level of comfort in this area.
> 
> If it is cultural, I think you will probably find this the hardest thing for him to overcome and maybe you just have to accept that he will not show you PDA ever. If it a level of comfort he has with his own maturity level (and yes we continue through different phase as we get older), it may change with time. I don't know how long you have been married, but this may just be a matter of getting used to this role as Husband and no doubt has yet to get that level of comfort with your family.
> 
> This is the best I can tell you. But, I would certainly try to focus on his positive attributes and he certainly sounds like a great husband. Sometimes you can encourage someone's behavior much better with compliments than with criticism. "Honey, I really love the way you kiss me when you come home from work"... This may encourage him to expand those boundaries. Just my $0.02 worth of information.


What you said makes sense and seems logical. To add, we've been married for almost 10yrs, dated 5 before that and we are of different cultures/ethnicities. My family is more traditional (I'm not so much  ) and he in general is pretty conservative (as is his family). He sometimes does a bit of PDA in front of others but in front of my family he holds back a lot. I told him I like when he does but I'll have to accept that he will when he remembers. 

I guess this might bother me when it's combined with other small things like forgetting to say please and thank you once in awhile w/my family...again though, these are nitpicky things and should just let it go.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Well I sometimes do the same as your husband.
When I leave/ arrive home my wife and I give each other a hug and kiss.
We sometimes do it in public.

But never in front of our parents and inlaws.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well I sometimes do the same as your husband.
> When I leave/ arrive home my wife and I give each other a hug and kiss.
> We sometimes do it in public.
> 
> But never in front of our parents and inlaws.



This is good to know!


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Howdy Yellow:

You may count your blessings. Ms. Spin will peridocally bust my chops for too much affection. That would be the kiss, hug and loving squeez of my favorite ass cheek.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Husband ALWAYS kisses me when he gets home from work (and before he leaves for work too).
> 
> But if he meets me somewhere after work (like anywhere else and we're others like my family or other random people) he just says hi when he shows up. And then gives me a quick kiss later when its not so 'public'.
> 
> ...


It's neither expecting too much or concerning to me.

Suggestion- next time you meet him in public, grab him and grind his teeth down a bot with a kiss.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I am a little envious of all you people who get to kiss every morning. I am up at 05:00 each weekday and leave the house before anyone else is up 05:30. When I get home from work my wife works until 18:00 (she runs a day care from home) so I might be able to grab a quick peck on the check if she is not too busy but that is not the norm.

We normally get an hour or so of "mum & dad" time in the evening once the younger kids have gone to bed and the older ones have gone to their room / to have their baths. 

If we are out and about as a family we rarely get the chance to walk along holding hands as we will be pushing buggies, wheelchairs, holding on to little kids to make sure they do not wander too far. 

We do make the most of what quality time we get together and neither of us is afraid to show the love we hold for each other but sometimes I do wish we had more time in which to do it.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Husband ALWAYS kisses me when he gets home from work (and before he leaves for work too).
> 
> But if he meets me somewhere after work (like anywhere else and we're others like my family or other random people) he just says hi when he shows up. And then gives me a quick kiss later when its not so 'public'.
> 
> ...


I would be annoyed if my SO treated me differently in public than in private.Obviously some things are meant for private time only but the greeting kisses and hugs should never change in my opinion.
It doesn't come across as expecting too much but then again,I don't know your husband or his background so maybe for him,it's too much.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Three choices:

1. Go give him a kiss in public like it's no big deal.
2. Mock him in a loving/joking way and make him give it up in public.
3. Deal with it as is.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I would be annoyed if my SO treated me differently in public than in private.Obviously some things are meant for private time only but the greeting kisses and hugs should never change in my opinion.
> It doesn't come across as expecting too much but then again,I don't know your husband or his background so maybe for him,it's too much.


 He doesn't treat me differently in public vs private, its more he usually doesn't kiss me when he greets me when my family or his family is all sitting right there (like at the dinner table). Then he waits until its a more 'busy' (like not everyone at the table sitting and watching)--like he'll pull me aside later and give me a kiss (others are around but not interacting with us). In public in general he acts the same (at a store, restaurant etc). In front of friends, sometimes I think...I can't remember :scratchhead:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> He doesn't treat me differently in public vs private, its more he usually doesn't kiss me when he greets me when my family or his family is all sitting right there (like at the dinner table). Then he waits until its a more 'busy' (like not everyone at the table sitting and watching)--like he'll pull me aside later and give me a kiss (others are around but not interacting with us). In public in general he acts the same (at a store, restaurant etc). In front of friends, sometimes I think...I can't remember :scratchhead:


Almost like he doesn't want to offend them by showing affection to his wife.I wonder why he's like this.He doesn't care about offending strangers with kissing you or touching you but is concerned around family and friends.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Almost like he doesn't want to offend them by showing affection to his wife.I wonder why he's like this.He doesn't care about offending strangers with kissing you or touching you but is concerned around family and friends.


I don't know if its offending or if he is just so conservative and that it feel awkward for him? I don't know? Our friends and family know of other things he does for me, romantic and whatnot but the PDA in front of them is lessened. I will add that both of our families are very conservative, mine even more so (part of that is the culture/ethnicity I am)--it sucks but its true. I really think a big part of that is what our families are like BUT ALSO he is more reserved/shy in general. I was also his first gf ever when we first dated--and that was in college! (I was more experienced) so it's not like he had a ton of dating/relationship experience before me. We've been married for almost 10yrs now. 

Now I'm getting more sad like what is wrong with us, before posting I didn't think anything was really wrong...just that he keeps PDA to a very minimum in front of our families. Every once in awhile he does kiss me in front of them but in general overall he's not a huge touchy feely person. At home he is in spurts and gotten more so since I told him my 'love language' is physical touch. He is definitely more physical overall (like sex etc) and does give me kisses everyday but I want more hugs too


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Now I'm getting more sad like what is wrong with us, before posting I didn't think anything was really wrong...just that he keeps PDA to a very minimum in front of our families. Every once in awhile he does kiss me in front of them but in general overall he's not a huge touchy feely person. At home he is in spurts and gotten more so since I told him my 'love language' is physical touch. He is definitely more physical overall (like sex etc) and does give me kisses everyday but I want more hugs too


oh no please don't get down about it! It sounds like he is definitely trying to be better at meeting your physical touch need so that's great!! 

I bet he does feel super awkward doing things in front of them bc of how they are.I always felt kinda funky giving affection to my ex in front of his mother...the fire breathing dragon.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm private and its taken a long time for me to get used to PDA.

Try to cut him a little slack.

It's not about you he is just out of his comfort zone.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I bet he does feel super awkward doing things in front of them bc of how they are.



Yeah I think is very true. He also talks less, less himself in general...I hate it. It's gotten better but it is what it is. A lot of it has to do with how my family is and how my mom can be very judgmental  His family isn't judgmental but they aren't super 'warm' or anything. And growing up his dad was abusive  But we can't change our families.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I'm private and its taken a long time for me to get used to PDA.
> 
> Try to cut him a little slack.
> 
> It's not about you he is just out of his comfort zone.


Yes so true, thank you!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Yeah I think is very true. He also talks less, less himself in general...I hate it. It's gotten better but it is what it is. A lot of it has to do with how my family is and how my mom can be very judgmental  His family isn't judgmental but they aren't super 'warm' or anything. And growing up his dad was abusive  But we can't change our families.


My mom was cold,my family was distant and so I didn't ever get exposed to that lovey soft affection.
Every now and then I catch myself lapsing and losing my touchy feely side with SO.It's a constant exercise to keep up with his physical touch needs,not that it bothers me,but I have to always remind myself "kiss SO,you haven't reached over and kissed him in a while" "hold SO's hand" "hug SO".

It doesn't come naturally.It takes practice


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Wiltshireman said:


> I am a little envious of all you people who get to kiss every morning. I am up at 05:00 each weekday and leave the house before anyone else is up 05:30. When I get home from work my wife works until 18:00 (she runs a day care from home) so I might be able to grab a quick peck on the check if she is not too busy but that is not the norm.
> 
> We normally get an hour or so of "mum & dad" time in the evening once the younger kids have gone to bed and the older ones have gone to their room / to have their baths.
> 
> ...


Keep up the good fight. One day those crumb-snatchers gone and you can make up for the kisses you missed.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

It's never happened. (Failure to hug or kiss).


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Def seems like a nice guy, i wouldnt worry about the rare occasion her forgets or doesnt kiss you in public. Maybe compromise with a hug or hand holding instead of kissing, i know its just a kiss but i do have to admit i hate when people are going at it kissing and you just want to yell "get a room!"


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