# No sex, no marriage...



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

It's amazing to me how many people on here (and probably everywhere) are settling for little to no sex in their marriages. I am one of them, and it's been over 2 years since we've had sex.

Early on in the marriage, sex was only as often as once every 2 months. I'm HD and this was unacceptable to me. Yet, he would frequently watch porn and order magazines. I often talked about how hurtful this was, and would even lay next to him and cry after yet another rejection. He simply didn't care.

That is, he didn't care UNTIL.....I revealed to him (and didn't care how he felt about it) that I was having an emotional affair. Of course THEN he promised to change. For a while in the beginning (told him in July 2009 after 6 months into EA), he wanted regular sex (or pretended to). The problem is he's the last man in the world that could turn me on after how many years he rejected me. So, now he's turned it around to look like I'm the one who doesn't like sex.

In my opinion, he ended the marriage when he rejected me. He was only a roommate at that point. I've made more than half the financial contribution (money and material things are what matter to him), but he still led us to bankruptcy with his endless material desires.

I'm tired of being in a loveless marriage, but I feel so stuck. Now with the EA, I'm afraid he will make everything look like MY fault, but it's hardly the case.

Really, what is the difference of just being roommates if there is no sex or affection??


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## MissBrandy (May 29, 2012)

Why didn't you leave him then just before starting your EA? remember 2 wrongs don't make a right.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

Well it does seem like you are just roommates at this point. If you have the means, then just leave. I am sorry he has done this to you, but there are plenty of men out there with HSD. Go find someone who cares about you, loves you, and will make you truly happy. Stop putting up with his stuff. I wish you nothing but luck and happiness.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Seems like a case of him taking your for granted, because he was fine with no sex and didn't care about your feelings up until you did something that got his attention. Now all of a sudden he wants to step up to the plate. Well, if you're ok with that, then I would suggest MC for you both. If not and you feel things are to far gone, or even if he does, then I would suggest a separation.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You're right, you will look like the bad guy, because it was you who made the huge mistake of going outside the marriage instead of the only two honorable responses; fix it or end it.

I don't fault you at all for wanting something better, but you don't get to blame an affair on your spouse. You do, and I personally have, get to blame him for the mere fact that you are so frustrated, hurt and angry about rejection that you are considering getting your needs met elsewhere. But you have to give the right of first refusal to you H, and you didn't do that.

End it and stop playing the blame game.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

hehasmyheart said:


> It's amazing to me how many people on here (and probably everywhere) are settling for little to no sex in their marriages. I am one of them, and it's been over 2 years since we've had sex.
> 
> Early on in the marriage, sex was only as often as once every 2 months. I'm HD and this was unacceptable to me. Yet, he would frequently watch porn and order magazines. I often talked about how hurtful this was, and would even lay next to him and cry after yet another rejection. He simply didn't care.
> 
> ...


Marriage is a sexual contract and he broke it. It's also a emotional contract and you broke that. IMO both are equally destructive. If he has been LD the entire time of the marriage it's not likely to change. You can't force your spouse to want you sexually, but you can do things to make him want sex with you subconsciously. As most know here I would be the last guy to tell you to get out. It may that time.


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## CaptVere (Aug 27, 2012)

It's interesting hearing this from the other perspective. My wife is near asexual at times and pretty much always has been. Like you I just went along with it. I agree that it's amazing how much I didn't care about my own happiness and that I just kept on going even though I knew that this was a huge issue to me.

Sometimes I get angry, mostly at myself for never expecting better, but I get past it. My wife is a good person and mother, but just never really was affectionate or into sex. In that way she's never advertised anything else and I accepted the deal, so a decade later I'm exactly where I would have expected to be. Does it make it easier to be frustrated for a decade? No, but it is my own doing.


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