# My husband is mad at God.



## MelK

When I met my husband, he was basically what I would describe as a lost soul. He didn't attend church and seemed to do the complete opposite of what he should do when it comes to spiritual growth. I remember asking him what kept him grounded. He responded that it was himself. As our relationship grew, he later admitted that since his brother's death, he was angry at God for letting him pass away after all the praying he did. I talked to him and he seemed to have a new perspective on the root of his anger but his actions remained the same. For example, he does not attend church, not that attending church defines spirituality or anything but my main concern is that he does not exhibit any desire to grow as a spiritual person. I love him and we have a happy marriage but I worry that he is basically a leaf being blown around in the wind. He now says I am his spiritual voice of wisdom who keeps him grounded but I always think and when I'm not here? What then? To give a little background, his father is an ordained minister and my parents were also ordained. We come from different denominations but based in Christianity. I am far from religious so I do not participate in traditional acts commonly identified as being Christian (i.e. going to church on Easter). However, I am a very spiritual person, I believe and love God, obey the principles outlined in the bible and all of that jazz. I just wish my husband displayed the same heart for God as I do. When I come to him with a scripture or ask him to pray with him, he will willingly join in but I feel he's only doing it to appease me. Am I overreacting?


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## EleGirl

You married him knowing all of this. I think you are overreacting. 

Worry about your own spiritualty. He will take care of himself in whatever way he wants.

It's like you have set up an artificial judgment of the correct level of spirituality. Whatever you do it the level that you find acceptable so now you want him to change to be like you.


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## gouge_away

God can deal with your husbands anger. Keep praying for the Lord to love on him and soften his heart.

Lord, thank you for putting this woman into this man's life. Continue to guide her in your ways so that she can be the spiritual mentor this man so desperately needs. Reflect your love and grace, so that he can see your forgiveness and compassion through the wife he cherishes.
Heavenly Father, surround this man with a hedge of correction and discernment when she isn't available.

And if it is your will father, break him down to pieces, shatter his soul, and build him back up on your foundation.
Thank you for reading our prayer, and answering the prayers for so many of us lost souls to return home.


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## SecondTime'Round

gouge_away said:


> God can deal with your husbands anger. Keep praying for the Lord to love on him and soften his heart.
> 
> Lord, thank you for putting this woman into this man's life. Continue to guide her in your ways so that she can be the spiritual mentor this man so desperately needs. Reflect your love and grace, so that he can see your forgiveness and compassion through the wife he cherishes.
> Heavenly Father, surround this man with a hedge of correction and discernment when she isn't available.
> 
> And if it is your will father, break him down to pieces, shatter his soul, and build him back up on your foundation.
> Thank you for reading our prayer, and answering the prayers for so many of us lost souls to return home.


:iagree:

They will know we are Christians by our love....


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## ScrambledEggs

I don't know if your husband and I are much alike but I can give you a non-believers perspective. And it does sound like you married a person who really has no faith, a polite atheist who is willing to pray to avoid people feeling discomfort. The "mad at god" interpretation sounds a great deal like a common atheist critique of religion that points out that the amount of subjective random suffering of innocents in the world. As an example, what kind of benevolent got designs and creates an ocular parasite that devours your eyes from the inside. This sort of logic leads people like me to be incredulous about got which I can see it might appear to be anger. However, actually being angry at god and believing him, particularly in the christian context, is a strange position indeed and probably does not exist.

One of the things you encounter as an Atheist are incredulous people of faith that cannot understand how non-believers draw on spirituality and determine morality citing the lack of a divine law as an invitation just do what you want. Or as you have suggested, "how do you ground yourself". Atheist do tend to be less interested in exploring spiritual things but there are many very spiritual atheists and even subsets of Buddhism are very comparable with atheism. Beyond that there is much spiritual ecstasy to be had contemplate the wonders we do know about the world with having to draw fundamental conclusions about the nature of it. If you ever watched any Carl Sagan and missed the spiritual overtones to his work, or the spiritual awe of the known and unknown, you missed the most important part of his work. The below Tyson Video gives you a taste of what I mean.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYolHjFbjM0

So my take on this is there is nothing wrong with you wanting or even requiring a spiritual connection out of your spouse. Though it does seem relevant that he was this way when you married him and you can't really ask someone to believe in something that they don't believe in. And also realize that a lack of god in a persons life does not mean a person is broken, untrustworthy, or immoral. 

If you are going to move past this I think you are going to need to expand your idea of what spirituality is and find ways that you can connect with that.


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## gouge_away

Idk, pretty sure every Christian at some point was angry at God.
Its kinda the sin of Cain.


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## ScrambledEggs

gouge_away said:


> Idk, pretty sure every Christian at some point was angry at God.
> Its kinda the sin of Cain.


If that is true then is a short step from there become essentially an atheist or at least an abstract deist and is certainly a lighter burden to bear the implausibility of the bible in the face of the cruelty of the natural world. Just my opinion, not trying to convince anyone in this thread.


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## gouge_away

ScrambledEggs said:


> If that is true then is a short step from there become essentially an atheist or at least an abstract deist and is certainly a lighter burden to bear the implausibility of the bible in the face of the cruelty of the natural world. Just my opinion, not trying to convince anyone in this thread.


I don't have any clue to what you just said you seem to have just created a false dichotomy, what does anger have to do with belief or disbelief?

Are you saying, you cannot believe in God because you would be angry at him?


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## BlueWoman

I have many arguments with God. He/She always wins, but I try.


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## ScrambledEggs

gouge_away said:


> I don't have any clue to what you just said you seem to have just created a false dichotomy, what does anger have to do with belief or disbelief?
> 
> Are you saying, you cannot believe in God because you would be angry at him?


No, I said that if you are 'mad at god' which suggest you find something you attribute to him to be wrong or hurtful then you are a "short step away" from atheism or at least deism.

As I see it, there are two ways to go from there. You either decide that you don't understand god's wisdom and all that he does is by definition "good" despite however horrible and illogical it might be to us and on us, or you conclude that the whole artifice of a benevolant omniscient creator is just a human construct. That a benevolent god would not create a world where your infant suffers and dies slowly from a birth defect, nor would he make parasites that devour children's eyeballs out of their head. God is either cruel as the ultimate architect of human suffering or he is impotent and unable to affect these things. 

Again, I am not trying to convince anyone, I am just explaining the argument.


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## bandit.45

Put me in the same boat as your husband. Me and the Old Man have not spoken in years.


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## Misfits

I was similar to your husband early in marriage. I wanted to be a better Christian and grow more. Met the wife And did the church thing consistantly for a while but I never grew much. My wife wanted me to be a strong spiritual leader of the family. She thought I was angry at God for some reason. Years later I'm an atheist. It was after digging into the historical bible and Christianity that it all clicked and I realized its all bs. Wish it didn't take so long but there it is. So now she thinks I'm angry at God and just want a reason to live sinfully (porn beer cussing etc...). My piont is maybe he's not angry at God but has lost his belief and is just appeSing you. That's what I did before admitting I was an atheist


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## Runs like Dog

Victor Frankl, a psychotherapist and Orthodox Jew who was sent to Auschwitz commented in one of his books that when he was sent to the camp he began to hope. When questioned how that made sense his answer was 'before that I lived in fear, but then I began to live in hope.'

I guess it depends on what you're afraid of more than who you're mad at.


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## gouge_away

Back to the Op.

God asks, "come let us reason together." God understands far more than we do, God asks us to contend with Him, hash it out with Him. He delights in our love, and trust in Him, but he also understands our lack of trust and frustrations submitting to his will and divine plan.

Adam hid
Job argued
Jonah pfft
Abraham contended
Moses disobeyed
Jacob wrestled
David ignored, cried, deflected
Jeremiah doubted
Jesus questioned His father's will, pleaded to not be included in his divine plan, and accused God of turning His back on the Cross.

Edit: your husband is hurting, still mourning the death of his brother... quit worrying what he should be doing, and put all your focus on what the bible asks of you.

Your still in my prayers dear.


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## commonsenseisn't

Don't waste energy worrying about your husband. Just do the best you can, be patient, and let God do the worrying. Nurture a quiet faith and let your example inspire your husband. 

Take great heed to the Pauline lecture on charity outlined in 1 Corrinthians chapter 13. This chapter contains some of the most profound advise available for marriage on the face of this planet. 

We mortals are often prone to foolishly try to dictate our agenda to God on our timetable. Patience, faith and prayer are useful tools.


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## MelK

Thanks all for your responses. Some I agree with and some I disagree with. I am expressing worry about something that is not necessarily causing a negative effect on our marriage but remains to be a slight concern for me. I don't think my husband is an athiest and is simply being cordial about it. I certainly do not believe I am being judgmental. I was actually concerned for my husband's inability to remain centered without turning to substances such as alcohol or weed. Recreational use if cool as long as it does not become an abusive habit. This may be opening another can of worms but just as some use meditation to remain centered, I ultimately want my husband to have a positive alternative to coping with daily stresses. For me, I pray and lean on my faith to keep me grounded, as I previously mentioned in my initial post. For him, when asked, he responded that he relies on himself. I just felt that was shaky ground to stand on because I next asked, what if you don't know what to do, then what? He then said he always knows what to do but at that point I felt he was just being a smart-ass. But I will continue to do what I know works for me and be patient as some of you mentioned as he finds his own way. Who knows, maybe I'll rub off. Maybe he'll find some alternative way to cope with stressful events. But let me just make clear, I definitely knew who I was marrying and love him as he is. I just want the best for him as his wife and I know how much of a better woman I am because of my belief and values grounded in God.


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## EI

gouge_away said:


> God can deal with your husbands anger. Keep praying for the Lord to love on him and soften his heart.
> 
> Lord, thank you for putting this woman into this man's life. Continue to guide her in your ways so that she can be the spiritual mentor this man so desperately needs. Reflect your love and grace, so that he can see your forgiveness and compassion through the wife he cherishes.
> Heavenly Father, surround this man with a hedge of correction and discernment when she isn't available.
> 
> And if it is your will father, break him down to pieces, shatter his soul, and build him back up on your foundation.
> Thank you for reading our prayer, and answering the prayers for so many of us lost souls to return home.



I just wanted to say that that was a really beautiful prayer that you prayed for the OP.


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## Adeline

gouge_away said:


> God can deal with your husbands anger. Keep praying for the Lord to love on him and soften his heart.


Sometimes you can do this for years and see your own life blessed in other ways, but not your marriage and/or husband. It remains broken and unhealed with a hardened heart, while your own strength is resolved. "Sometimes God calms the storm, other times he lets the storm rage and calms his child."


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