# Life Insurance After Divorce



## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

My wife filed for divorce and supposedly we are working on an amecable, uncontested divorce. 

She insisted today that I increase my life insurance policies and keep her as beneficiary indefinately. I told her that if she divorced me that she isn't going to be able to continue to have so much influence on the details of my life and that I will decide how much insurance I have and how I have it set up. She wants me to guarantee that I will keep over $1,000,000 on me and keep her as the beneficiary, even if I re-marry. 

Is this something normal or is she asking for more than a divorceing spouse gets to ask for?
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> My wife filed for divorce and supposedly we are working on an amicable, uncontested divorce.
> 
> She insisted today that I increase my life insurance policies and keep her as beneficiary indefinitely. I told her that if she divorced me that she isn't going to be able to continue to have so much influence on the details of my life and that I will decide how much insurance I have and how I have it set up. She wants me to guarantee that I will keep over $1,000,000 on me and keep her as the beneficiary, even if I re-marry.
> 
> ...


She's whacked. Consult with your attorney and see what he/she has to say.


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

I would say no. If you have kids then they would be the beneficiaries not you xw. I haven't switched my policy yet but as soon as the d is done my sister gets my money from life ins.
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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

If you decide to do it, be sure to sleep with one eye open!


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Sorry for being so blunt, but it sounds like she wants to off you. I wouldn't do it. If you have kids then they should be the beneficieries (sp?), not her. That just sounds so wrong to me.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

double check with a lawyer. My ex H has to maintain a life insurance policy big enough to cover the alimony and child support payments. He may lower the policy once the alimony expired(next year). Our child is only 2 years old. Now I don't have the details of the policy but I know that I can check to see: if he makes payments, and messes with the amount the policy. I am at least one of the beneficiaries. Whether he has a trustee(like his brother) to act on behalf of the child or not I don't know. We got divorced in CT.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

I'd watch my back Mike !!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> Is this something normal or is she asking for more than a divorceing spouse gets to ask for?


This is crazy. Maybe I watch way too much Forensic Files and 48Hours but whenever I see something like this, it sound sinister. 

Take her off as your beneficiary TODAY and tell her she is no longer your beneficiary. 

I don't like the sound of this at all. It sounds evil. Watch out for yourself. She sounds like a nut.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Well, it's too late to take her off as my beneficiary right now. I am restricted form making any changes to life insurance policies, at least until the divorce is final. I think she knows that I am taking her off or canceling all of my policies (with her company) as soon as I can. She's trying to force me to guarantee in the agreement that I will make her the beneficiary and increase it to who knows what ($1-$2 million). 

She also wants me to make my will so that if I die she gets everything I own. I asked her if I re-marry what will my new wife get, nothing? This pissed her off. 

The marriage counselor said she is expecting things from me that you only get the benefit of if you are married and that if she divorces me that she should accept the fact that she has to forfeit those things. 

My best guess and the opinion of my attorney is that there will be no alimony or child support, so I'm assuming that there will be no need to guarantee it in case I die by having a life insurance policy. He did point out, however, that since my 14 year old wants to live with me full time, and since my wife and I make close to the same income now an din the past couple years that she theoretically would owe me child support. What a strange twist that would add to the scenario.

Of course she is trying to get me to "voluntarily" agree to making her the beneficiary and putting it in writing in our agreement. I guess she will ask for a lot and then if I decline she will threaten me with a court battle, which I know she doesn't want.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Mike, she certainly is attempting to negotiate for things only a married spouse chould be entitled to (your insurance benefit, your estate!! HA!) It would be a nice twist in fate if she tried to get these from you and was ruled in court to make child support payment and take out a policy to cover it in case of illness or death!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

She's a quack. As you to leave her everything in a will and increase your life insurance policy so she ends up with everything in case you die, yet she is divorcing you?

Please please be careful. 


I wouldnt be dealing with any of this if I were you. If you're divorcing, STOP going to marriage counselling with her. Tell her "I will look everything over w/ my lawyer first." Do not promise her anything. DO NOT do anything she's asking of you. It's ludicrous! She sounds either psycho and/or entitled.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

My ex has insurance at my insistence, per our divorce agreement. There are very good reasons for not making the kids beneficiaries. One is college costs. The other is potential foolish use of the money. Trusts have requirements but at 18, all bets are off.

I think anyone with children is foolish not to insist on insurance on both life and long term disability. You guys may think it ridiculous but it is quite common. Ask your lawyer.
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No, you can establish trusts that can extend to nearly any age. And you can specifically not permit your ex to be the trust admin nor in any position to benefit from or access the funds. You can structure the benefit to flow directly into the trust or you can make the trust the owner of the policy. Whichever way clears probate the easiest and avoids taxes. 

You would literally have to see the Snow Boarding Satan before I dumped beneficiary or estate money at an ex.


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## SuzyQ64 (Jul 19, 2010)

A friend of mine divorced in Tennessee and they required each "parent" of the underage children to carry at least $200,000 life insurance policy until each of the children became 18. He took her off the beneficiary the day his youngest turned 18 and made the children beneficiaries, but a relative the trustee of his estate until the kids are able to handle the money on their own. I think that is common practice until the children turn 18 (to each have a life insurance policy).


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I know this thread was last month but I wanted to add that some decrees require that the life insurance policy be kept up and that the ex be made the person who 'owns' the policy so that the beneficiary can never be changed and the policy not dropped.
It isn't weird. Its prudent for some cases.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I sold life insurance at one point. A friend was going through a divorce and needed a $50k policy with the children as beneficiaries per the divorce documents. I don't know if that was agreed upon or court ordered.

I changed the beneficiary on my life insurance policy when my wife went to visit her boyfriend. I didn't want the thought they were scheming to get rich by me having an "accident". You may not be able to change the beneficiary until the divorce is final, but what if you "forget" to pay the bill? Oops, it slipped behind the desk somehow.

I certainly would never have an ex as the beneficiary for a large policy. Something minimal, maybe. I think I'll just get a trust for the beneficiary. Right now, it is a trusted friend.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

everafter said:


> If you decide to do it, be sure to sleep with one eye open!


Yea...I would be getting a body guard.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

A million seems excessive, and definitely the estate provision is out of line. Enough to cover the child support/alimony is all that's likely; courts also think it's a bad idea to give ex-wives incentive to kill their ex-husbands. IANAL, but I did have to get enough to cover the child support. If you don't have child support I doubt any judge will ask you to get that kind of coverage. And likewise any lawyer will tell her so, even if she hires them.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

I think she has given up on asking for that, or at least taken a breather and may bring it back up when we get down to putting the negotiation on paper. I have $700k now and she want at least $1 million for her and I think wants the original $700k in her name too. That is a little scarey. I think she had a lot of crazy ideas in her head when she filed for divorce that now she sees she isn't going to get. There's no child support or alimony.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Tell her to sod off.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Tell her you can't afford a $1,000,000 policy since you are paying for a $250,000 policy for you favorite college team's endowment so they will name a sauna in your honor. A ridicules request a redicules response
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do not increase life insurance nor make her the beneficiary. She is nuts.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> I have $700k now and she want at least $1 million for her and I think wants the original $700k in her name too. That is a little scarey.


Yes, that is scary. I have around $800k on me right now. That is a big chunk of change and a good incentive for some OM to plant thoughts in my stbxw's head. No way I would have that kind of price on my head if I wasn't in a committed marriage.

I didn't think she was actually planning my murder. However, by changing the beneficiary, I took away even the possibility of that being an incentive. I couldn't imagine always having that thought in my mind by continuing such a thing after the divorce. The first day it crossed my mind, I immediately changed it.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

A doctor in my town was killed last year by his wife and her boyfriend. They first tampered with his brakes and when that didn't work that ambushed him in his garage and shot him. They then fled to Mexico but were eventually captured. He had a lot of insurance and that was most defiantly the motivation. 

In my old hometown the music director at the church where my stbxmil is a preacher came home for lunch and found his wife dead in the pool. There was blunt force trauma to the head but no other signs of entry, rape, burglary or anything else. Either she fell and hit her head or she was whacked. The police there (I know a few) are convinced he killed her but they can't prove it. He got her insurance money too.

My wife has also asked me to, after we split everything, create a will so that if I die she gets my half of the stuff too. My "stuff" is mainly a lot of expensive land that is paid off through my hard work while she sat at home. I told her I wasn't going to do that. It pissed her off and she argued about it for quite a while. A couple weeks ago I was sleeping in another bed and woke up at 2:00 AM and she was standing at the end of the bed just looking at me and then quickly walked out when I woke up. Hmmmm.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> A couple weeks ago I was sleeping in another bed and woke up at 2:00 AM and she was standing at the end of the bed just looking at me and then quickly walked out when I woke up. Hmmmm.


Ummmm.......you need to definitely not give in on that. Also, sleeping with one eye open may be required as well


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

She is nuts, I changed mine, my eldest kid gets the lot and she divides it up amongst the 4 kids, the ex doesn't get a look in


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

HurtinginTN said:


> I sold life insurance at one point. A friend was going through a divorce and needed a $50k policy with the children as beneficiaries per the divorce documents. I don't know if that was agreed upon or court ordered.
> 
> I changed the beneficiary on my life insurance policy when my wife went to visit her boyfriend. I didn't want the thought they were scheming to get rich by me having an "accident". You may not be able to change the beneficiary until the divorce is final, but what if you "forget" to pay the bill? Oops, it slipped behind the desk somehow.
> 
> I certainly would never have an ex as the beneficiary for a large policy. Something minimal, maybe. I think I'll just get a trust for the beneficiary. Right now, it is a trusted friend.


This sounds solid to me. If you don't pay the policy - oops! The courts can not force you to buy anything! If you already have a policy, you can remove her as beneficiary and have a trustee for the children.

Making you get life insurance for the ex sounds like a recipe for some foul play to me. I would contest this in court until the day I die, then by that time it's too late. Cancel the thing if that is what they decide.

I haven't looked into this but I wonder if it is possible to buy a policy overseas in a neutral country where you could have it for the kids until they are 18 and no one in the country you are in can touch it. Hummm, kind of like a swiss bank account. Maybe that is impossible but I sure as hell would look into it.

Here is another take on this. If you do buy life insurance for the spouse and the kids, it could be argued that the cost for you to buy the policy should be partially paid by alimony or child support; so your child support and alimony payments would be deducted by half of what the policy costs. Logically thinking about this, you would think that you are buying them a commodity similer to food, shelter, for their protection. Well, if you are paying alimony for food and shelter, medical, etc. then why is this any different. The cost should be deducted from the money you give her. If that were the case, then it would be fair and equitable and it would not really put any more financial burden on you.

I do not want to piss anyone off on here but everytime I read sh**t like this I want to scream out from the top of the highest frickin mountain, "GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!" We don't have alimony here so she wouldn't even have a chance to bring sh&&t like this up. And i am not talking about the kids, life insurance, for the kids that is great. But the old wench wouldn't get to even cackle about HER insurance safety blanket - and then have an option to off you! Get up off your a$$ and work! I know there are folks out there for alimony but please, if you are, stay where you are and don't move here; we have it just fine. Also, be aware that I am not talking about a handicapped spouse here - there are exceptions to the spousal support rule here; but in general, if you are healthy, you don't get sh**t! Fair and equitable for both spouses.

OK, I'm off that venting now. I just can't believe that anyone would have the testiculars (yes, I know testicles) to demand something like this.


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