# Suddenly Super Dad and it's irking me....and other updates



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

As of yesterday afternoon the kids still had not realized something was amiss and had gone 2 days without even mentioning him (he had made a brief 5 minute pass through on Friday..but otherwise the kids had not seen him since Wednesday morning last week) . He had begged me all weekend to allow the kids to help him move in with the other woman...I of course was mean and withholding 'HIS' children when I said 'NO' but generously offered to let him come over and visit his children since they were under the impression that he still lived here.

Yesterday he resurfaced...wanted to bring the kids to his new house for cake and ice cream(stepson's birthday..21..has stealthily moved out along with his dad) Considering that his move coincided with OW's move into her dad's house while her father is dying in the nursing home..and from what people are telling me the OW is showing no shame whatsoever and has gone so far as to claim that she is now happily married to my husband on Facebook....I am assuming that she is batsh!t crazy and delusional. I wanted to tell the kids what was going on together before they got blindsided by the second coming of June Cleaver. (Have I mentioned that I can't wait til Medicaid comes looking for that house to settle up?) 

There were tears, and for half a second I think my husband actually felt kinda bad...I was surprised. Of course one of the boys is fully embracing this new situation...and was planning his weekend with daddy(remember my husband was gone for 6 days and the kids didn't notice)and my stbxh already has a huge housewarming/stepson's birthday party planned and doesn't want the kids involved and texted me for excuses. When he dropped them off last night at 9:45pm(grrrr) he promised to pick them up at school(he didn't) but was at the house an hour later and took the kids back to his house...with a promise to bring them back earlier.

Now I am allowing this because 
1.) I have nothing defining custody or visitation yet.

2.)Strike while the iron is hot line of thinking...this sudden interest in being 'daddy' is most likely short lived and probably just a big show to prove that he's not an ass to her friends and family and to feed into her happy housewife fantasies....whatever the intention is I'll let the kids have it...they got so little from him when he actually lived with them...this is literally like Christmas morning for them..I don't have the heart to say no.

3.)He is going to be really mad at me in the next few days/weeks when CSE/legal aid start sending him forms and he realizes he is losing control over the situation and is likely to take it out on the kids and go MIA again. 

But I know after this surge of interest....he's just going to go back to his same old self and they will be lucky to see him every other weekend between his parties and mid life crisis biker events and sulking. And then the kids will be broken hearted. And I am irked that he has all of these people supporting them and encouraging them through all of this...how can so many people be so swayed by one person? He's an abuser..big time...he told me on the day I asked for the divorce that 'if I wasn't going to let him hurt me, the marriage wasn't worth saving because inflicting pain was such a big part of who he is as a person...apparently OW lets him beat the crap out of her and they call it kink. Ughhh...they are surrounded by teachers and guidance counselors in their circle of friends and no one sees it...but me. 

In other news I am glad that in anger the first thing I did was apply for gov't assistance on day one...I have gotten a grand total of $40 for groceries and a bag of dog food from stbhx. I don't imagine that it will get much better..he has been avoiding work and putting off paying jobs. Trying to get the benefits started has been like a full time job though..the reason why people on welfare don't work is because they are waiting on the phone all day or driving/taking the bus from one gov't agency to another..I had to sell wedding bands today to buy food(emergency food stamps in 7 days is a lie)...but I also stopped by child support enforcement and that is such a sad, sad place...but I got the ball rolling on that....10 more things to go...jeebus..I could have been home working my part time job or looking for full time work...tomorrow I go to the county employment agency(good luck to them I have sent out 600 resumes since December and only have 3 failed interviews to show for it and I am applying for everything and anything I am qualified and over qualifed to do)...and then I need to show DCF how I managed to feed my children while waiting for emergency food stamps(seriously..they withhold emergency aid and want you to show them how you managed..i.e payday loans, family assistance, Friday night working the street corner)


My mother just figured out that my husband is an abuser (someone at work slipped her a list for abuse other than physical) so she is in high gear to get me and the kids out of here into her house followed by a run down of her financial woes and wants me to sign a contract stating that I will stay there until she dies...but she is an abuser too....she is full of venom and not afraid to use it. So now I feel bullied on all sides and just want to stay put(unless that handful of coins I spent on a powerball ticket pays off tonight) until I figure it all out. Stbxh is still saying he wants to keep us here in this house and the kids in their school and will cover all bills above and beyond what I can afford(probably raiding OW's father's accounts to do so)....my mother used to work as a police dispatcher for a large city and has me scared of the battered women's shelter and says that I will just end up at her house anyway so why traumatize the kids unnecessarily...and to be honest that was my fear before she even mentioned it. Stbxh's business has a lot of landlords for clients with Section 8 houses...I'm not sure I would feel safe bringing my children into some of these neighborhoods or living in some of these death traps..I would opt for my mother's venom over walls crawling with german roaches...urggghhh. So I have two abusers battling for control...fun! 

I know I am boring you and annoying you..I know I should be running...when he's gone I know what he is...when he's here I start to doubt myself and I don't want to slap that label on him...especially right now when I am just about the only person in my world that sees him for what he is....I'm not even convinced that he realizes what he does is abuse...when I bring it up he accuses me of being the abuser(yeah I know...big abuser trait) apparently I tear him apart on facebook everyday...but he can make no specific reference to any one post and I have supposedly gone out of my way to say bad things about him to her friends and family...whether he is making this up or he has them so caught up in his show that a eye roll is considered bad mouthing..I am not sure. When I am done getting food stamps rolling...I will seek out counseling through the local county mental health service....if he escalates(right now he's pretending to do a 180...while trying to be stealthy about controlling me(i.e texting me that he is '5 minutes away and will be stopping by to pick up stuff" every 20 minutes for 5 hours) or 'keeping' us in this house and claiming that he is doing it for the kids. 


Ughhh....the sad thing is the OW is a lot smarter than stbxh and is a master manipulator..and he doesn't even realize. I am actually mad at her when I should be thanking her....I was working so hard to hide the crap he was putting me through....when she sent the relationship status through facebook she put the big secret out there for my family to see, she forced me to react..it was the push I needed...the last humiliation I was going to suffer. Part of me thinks that he was part of it...probably was. Now I am rambling and thinking out loud...sometimes I just need to write it out and see it. 

Thanks for reading if you made it this far...


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## Currant (Mar 18, 2011)

I read it all and I bet it feels good to write everything out and at least vent your frustrations to someone else. It seems like you have your head on straight and your plans in order. Hopefully things will start working out for you soon.


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