# Clinical Depression and Separation



## uriel1957 (Jun 6, 2010)

Hi,

I'm new to this site, and chat/forum sites, in general. I have suffered from Clinical Depression, Dysthymic Disorder and Anxiety Disorder for most of my life. My Doctor has concluded that I have drug resistant depression, and that no medication will help me (I have tried 13++ medications in the last 8 years). My wife of 25 years divorced me in 2002, she had had enough. She was not willing to support me when I fell into a deep depression in 2002, and prior to that she was cold and aloof. In 2004 I met someone, Kathryn and I married in Sept. 2005. Last month she filed for separation, she wasn't able to support me in any way when I fell into yet another deep depression in spring of 2008. I also lost my job, and have been unemployed for over two years. I have never missed a Doctors appointment, I see my therapist once a week. In addition I attend weekly sessions with a mental health counselor, and I've been working with a Employment Service to help me find a new job.

I treated my wife well, with great respect and love. Since I wasn't working I took on all the house work, I cleaned, cooked, did all the yard work, groceries, etc. On top of this I struggled each day with my depression. It was all in vain, she just could not accept that I was/am ill. She refused to attend my doctor appointments and therapy sessions (I was asked to invite her by both professionals). Now she is gone and I'm struggling to keep our home. I am close to exhausting my life savings to pay the utilities, mortgage, insurance and groceries. I have to add that my employers insurance company refused long term benefits due to the fact that I suffered a depressive episode in 2002. I have had to rely on my families generosity and savings during this episode.

She claims if I recover from my illness, find a new career, and regain my physical health (I have been sedentary and have gained a considerable amount of weight) she will return. But I ask myself? Is this how you treat a partner if they should fall ill? What happened to our vows "for better or worse".

I ask you, has anyone experienced such loss and recovered? Have you been reunited considering the circumstances I have described. Should I move on?

I'm broken hearted, isolated, and feeling worthless.......I have long since recovered from the days where I may have considered hurting myself. It's important to me that my 20 and 22 year old sons see that one can recover from a devastating illness, personal loss, and some might say tragedy. For one day I hope to be a better individual, and help others that are suffering from such loss and sorrow.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I know its hard not to be bitter at your exe for leaving you- both of them. But its unrealistic for you to expect them to live in the environment you create. 

If you accept your illness, i think that is great. i really do. Ive accepted my depression also. but your lifestyle comes with consequences. If this is who you are then this is how your life is going to be. You will not find anyone that is going to placate you and endure your illness. nor should they. If you dont like being single, you'll have to make some big changes. If you cant make those changes you'll have to accept being alone and make the best of it. that is a hard pill to swallow, but maybe its one pill that will actually help you.


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## uriel1957 (Jun 6, 2010)

Blanca,

Waiting for a response, I feared the worst, and your words cement the truth. I will work to accept what is my reality, my world, my life. I have attempted to change, but fear I am not able to change what is inherent in me. I cannot find the light, so why would anyone else find it in me?

Thank you for responding, at the very least your words ring true, and I have always known this.............


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Be strong uriel, I was also in a semi-depressing stage before my wife and I split because I was frustrated with everything in my life.

After the separation I started working on myself, and although sometimes I think how come she left me when I was a mess, i still understand it because I was really a mess. 

When we say those wedding vows, about in sickness and in health, just a few people follow them to heart. We shouldn't judge them because they have freewill and the right to be happy. 

Work on yourself not because you want her to come back but because you have to get a grip of your life. You and only you can help yourself.

Do not give up hope


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## uriel1957 (Jun 6, 2010)

Hi stbxhmaybe,

I've been working on myself for over two years (in reality for over 8 years). I thought she would appreciate the hard work, that she would understand how difficult this has been for me. I'm also aware how difficult it has been for her. If the show was on the other foot I would have been there for her. Before she left she informed me that I wasn't progressing fast enough for her to see a positive change. I admit it's been a struggle, but it's not like I have been lying around the whole time. I helped out as much as possible. as a matter of fact I did everything....believe me I'm not generalizing. 

I do hear what you are saying and I haven't lost hope that I will get better. However, I have lost hope when it comes to reconciliation. I think she will move on while I'm busy getting myself well. Only time will tell.


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