# How do you deal with jealousy?



## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

If you are confronted by your wife/fiance/girlfriend with Inquisition-level interrogations about your interactions with other females - through work, social organizations, sports teams, whatever - how do you handle it? 

How do you handle statements like "I bet you think she's hot!"? 

Is it best to think of manifestations of jealousy/insecurity as fitness testing, or as something more? Does the degree of jealousy change your analysis on this point?


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I just be as honest as I can.... even when it torques my wife. I go over my own boundaries as well or even specific ones for that OP who happens to be hot and I'm attracted to. Worse thing I can do is start hiding that I’m attracted, because that leads to omitting, then hiding. Stop it dead in it’s tracks. “Yes honey, she’s smart, witty, smoking hot, etc. Here is how I resist her _______.” I do not try and convince my wife that my wife is hotter, smarter, wittier, etc. than this other girl. I reassure her that I chose her even as f’d up as she is. She is my lunatic. Then I just let my wife rage on in jealous fits with a stupid look of “you are so cute when you think I’m gonna get some...” I sort of enjoy those moments instead of getting upset or mad about it.


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## Gabey (Feb 20, 2013)

Jealousy is a product of insecurity.

I am not a jealous person and neither is my wife. She is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside and I don't know what I would do without her. Being she's a knockout, she has been hit on and flirted with. It makes both of us feel good and we just laugh it off.

I am proud and secure she is mine exclusively and I have no doubt we will be together until one of us passes on!


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

I've found the best way to stop the jealousy is to compliment my husband at times when he least expects it. That way if he has a comment about me thinking someone is hot, smart, or better than him he can't argue cuz he knows how i feel about him. When someone makes comments, basically they just want reassurance that they are all that you need and want, so what if you have to make a little effort comforting them? Isn't that what people do when they care about someone?


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

SoWhat said:


> If you are confronted by your wife/fiance/girlfriend with Inquisition-level interrogations about your interactions with other females - through work, social organizations, sports teams, whatever - how do you handle it?
> 
> How do you handle statements like "I bet you think she's hot!"?
> 
> Is it best to think of manifestations of jealousy/insecurity as fitness testing, or as something more? Does the degree of jealousy change your analysis on this point?


I'd say yea she is hot. My wife doesn't get jealous though. However, I know there are girls that get extremely jealous. It's a manifestation of their insecurities. It's just really difficult if you're married to someone like that.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

> She is my lunatic.


:rofl: Love it! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Just be honest! 
If you lie she'll probably know...i'd know.
Liars suck as life partners.

Anyway...what's to lie about?

If you have a pulse you'll have an opinion on whether someone is attractive or not... she knows that I'm sure... allow her to deal with your answer. 

Us women can do that you know... deal with stuff!


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I've had a lot of experiences with women who can't seem to deal with that sort of thing. I guess that falls back on my shoulders - it is *me* who's picking insecure women, I suppose.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Maybe or possibly the women haven't had the chance to deal with these issues before, you know...in a grown up way. This could be a great opportunity for growth and connection in your marriage/relationship (and for her), it's all in the way you do/say it.

Often on these boards and in RL i hear guys say 'she can't handle the truth". I suspect this is a conflict avoidance type thing... don't you?

So.... i say give her a chance. If she asks you if someone is hot...be honest. Don't go on about it, don't mention particular body parts, be a gentleman but say the truth.

One of the main reasons for jealousy is insecurity...nothing makes a woman feel less secure than having her man lie to her. Your words have to have meaning and truth to them...always.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

waiwera said:


> Maybe or possibly the women haven't had the chance to deal with these issues before, you know...in a grown up way. This could be a great opportunity for growth and connection in your marriage/relationship (and for her), it's all in the way you do/say it.
> 
> Often on these boards and in RL i hear guys say 'she can't handle the truth". I suspect this is a conflict avoidance type thing... don't you?
> 
> ...


^^^ THIS. :iagree:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Thank you for the advice.


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