# A new start after years of heartache



## Gary2608 (Sep 22, 2010)

I have been married for 22 years and am now 71. When first married we had as normal sex life I guess as the next person. Maybe not quite as much as I was born with Klinefelter’s Syndrome where my body does not produce sperm only semen. The first five years were very good, but dropped away and subsided greatly. I could not perform to my wife’s satisfaction so to say we drifted apart would be a severe understatement. I got to the stage where I came to bed later and later and we didn’t as much as touch each other, if we did touch each other my wife would get turned on and I couldn’t help her in any way and that would not be good for her. We tried a lot of things but in no way was I able to get an erection.

It is now 15 years later and I am now getting help, there is a possibility that medications and the strong love I have for my wife may help me with my problem. However my wife does not want to move forward, she says intercourse is out and won’t even look at other ways to sexually communicate. Is there a way to overcome this problem between us or should I just respect her wishes and go on just wanting………….She is 69 years of age at the moment.

Can anyone offer advice as to what may help our situation?

Gary2608


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm a little unclear. You say you could not perform to wife's satisfaction... Does that mean erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation? 

You say this caused you two to drift apart. You went to be later and later in order to avoid touching her... Because if you touched your wife would get turned on...and you would not be able to satisfy her. Again, ED or PE?

During this very difficult time, did you two ever talk about this? Did you ever try other sexual practices, like mutual masturbation or oral sex or toys? I get the impression that you, like so very many men, assumed an uncooperative penis meant that sex was off the table and that couldn't be farther from the truth! You still had hands, a mouth, and the option of toys like dildos and vibrators.

So, having been through this myself with my husband... As your penis became reliably uncooperative, you kept your distance since you couldn't make love. HUGE MISTAKE! You created an environment of cohabitation, a connected team but not lovers.

So reintroduce the lovers. Just like when you were dating, you move slowly, methodically, easing her back into the mindset of being your lover and you being her lover.

Compliments and lots of them.
Attention and mild affection. The kind that brings out the warm fuzzies not the wet panties.

Slowly escalating the affection from a hug and back scratch to hand holding, to longer hug, to back scratch under the shirt, to coy little wrap around and gently rub against her breast for a quick moment...

You're going to have to seduce your wife over the course of several weeks to months in order to bring her head back into the game. You're going to have to TALK about the mistakes you made by NOT talking and not finding a way through this sooner, by leaving her feeling emotionally abandoned.

You've got some work to do and some hurts to assuage.


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## Gary2608 (Sep 22, 2010)

Thank you for your reply, I was born with Klinefelter's Syndrome. Klinefelter’s syndrome is the most common cause of male hypogonadism, a condition where men are unable to produce sperm or enough of the male hormone testosterone for the body’s needs.
Testosterone is the most important androgen in men. Androgens are hormones responsible for the development of male characteristics such as hair and beard growth, penile growth, muscle gain, bone strength and fat distribution.
Testosterone plays an essential role in reproductive and sexual function in men. The inadequate production of testosterone in men with Klinefelter’s syndrome affects the development of the male characteristics mentioned above.
The extra X chromosome also affects the ability to produce sperm. Men with this condition are infertile as they almost always have no sperm in their ejaculate (azoospermia).

ED was the cause, It just didn't respond to anything and my wife became extremely dissapointed and now 15 years later I am getting my urges back with 75mg of testosterone every 12 weeks and I feel like an 18 year old (full of hormones) where my wife has gone through her change of life and is not interested in sex in any form. She is not even happy with me touching her boobs. All she wants to do is provide the occasional closed mouth kiss and a cuddle. In bed there is nothing that I can say or do that will start her juices flowing. Does that help clear up my problem for you.


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## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Having been unsatisfied for so long, your wife is likely to have walls of resentment. It takes time to get her back. I know you have got yourself treated but now you need to deal with her issues (that was probably a coping mechanism to you not doing anything for years). That is harder to treat than a medical/physical problem. Anon Pink has given good suggestions above on how to romance your wife back. And you need to apologize to her for not seeking treatment earlier. 

I know because I have started rejecting my husband and absolutely do not allow him to touch me sexually. This is after 15 years of being in a sexless marriage and my husband has very low T and did not do anything about it. The only way I can cope is to treat him as a family member (like a brother or cousin) so sex with him is now out of the question.


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## Gary2608 (Sep 22, 2010)

Dear Pecanpie, I have been having "on going treatment" for almost 40 years so we have been aware of everything that can be done and yes when I was starting to have problems I did oral and used my hands but mostly all she wanted was intercause. Nothing else interested her to any great degree. Now 15 years later nothing interests her at all other than the occasional hug. Definately nothing in bed.


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