# Scheduling intimacy times



## loo99car (Feb 2, 2010)

Hi all;

Due to busy life's & both working everything tends to get scheduled so as to fit well with each other, so no surprise that we schedule a date night each weekend, each taking every second turn to choose it.:smthumbup:
It also now seems like a good idea to schedule for 'nights in' (Intimacy) rather then just leaving it totally to chance, the upside is that the frustration,rejection and drive mismatch are potentially minimised and the downside is the 'clinical appointment' or lack of spontaneity. Of course another upside is an agreement on frequency, I am (in a natural state) a 3 times a week man with preference for 2 mid week nights and one sunday morning and herself feels it should be spontaneous especially after a few glasses of white wine!
What do people feel & think of scheduling a very important aspect of a relationship?:scratchhead:


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

The middle ground is this: You tell her you want her to connect with you 3 times a week - she can pick the times. 

I do think people have an overly negative view of scheduling it. But then I am really into a lot of touch and long slow foreplay so I don't see it as: 
9:00 pm tuesday take pants off
9:01 pm commence intercourse
9:10 pm take shower to clean up

If we are going to connect Tuesday night I am gently touching, bumping into, quick light kiss here and there - for hours before anything happens....

The main thing to be honest about is if she simply isn't willing to make the effort to meet you at a frequency you like. And if that is the case it is either most likely that:
- she is not having as much fun as you are OR
- she has not taught you how to gradually get her in the mood even when she starts out not in the mood

I believe that my one hour full body massage is better then 3 glasses of wine for creating the mood....





loo99car said:


> Hi all;
> 
> Due to busy life's & both working everything tends to get scheduled so as to fit well with each other, so no surprise that we schedule a date night each weekend, each taking every second turn to choose it.:smthumbup:
> It also now seems like a good idea to schedule for 'nights in' (Intimacy) rather then just leaving it totally to chance, the upside is that the frustration,rejection and drive mismatch are potentially minimised and the downside is the 'clinical appointment' or lack of spontaneity. Of course another upside is an agreement on frequency, I am (in a natural state) a 3 times a week man with preference for 2 mid week nights and one sunday morning and herself feels it should be spontaneous especially after a few glasses of white wine!
> What do people feel & think of scheduling a very important aspect of a relationship?:scratchhead:


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> I'm more of a fan of spontaneous rather than scheduling, seems a little clinical, but then if your lives are that busy then I guess you have to.


I like the idea... put me down for... NOW


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

It depends on you and your wife. My wife and I are mismatched greatly and for us I know it wouldn't work at all. My wife used to have a bad habit of saying things like she's not in the mood, let's do it tomorrow night. Well tomorrow night comes and she's not into it then either. And if I push the issue then I'm a bad guy for putting pressure on her. Basically she would try and buy time by saying we would do it later but it never happened. So I actually ended up telling her I did not want her saying that anymore. I told her flat out to never tell me we were going to have sex at a future time. Not the next day, later the same day, not even an hour from then. All it did was put me in a state of being hopeful & expecting sex only to be disappointed even more then being turned down the first time.

So at a later date she suggested we schedule sex. Pick a day a week and we have sex then no matter what. But the problem what we went through previously. If she wasn't in the mood when that night came around then I'd be SOL and it would make her feel pressure, etc. I'd be disappointed, let down and somehow I would be the bad guy for expecting sex at the scheduled time. 

So I don't know how your dynamics are with the wife but I know that it wouldn't work for us.


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