# We need Legal, not Health Care Reform



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Well I suppose I should go to the hospital and tell them to have their rape kit ready. I just survived my first day in court. Stupid me, I didn't use a lawyer. I was going to be honorable. 

My wife just sat and cried the whole time, and the female judge ate it up. Needless to say we have been married for over 18 years, and my wife had the audacity to state that abuse had been present the whole time of our marriage. 

We never have had a police car dispatched to our residence and I have never touched her in a hostile manner ever. Until the last year or so of our marriage, I had never even uttered a cross word to her. None of that matters to the court though, because she feels abused so she is abused. Hard to argue with that circular logic. When I pressed her to define what abuse was she said I had a history of being sarcastic and I'm gone a lot. I reminded her she was apparently mistaking outrage for sarcasm.

I accused her of serial perjury. I thought for a moment I was going to get held in contempt. The reality though is I am in complete contempt of court. These people have no souls.

Hmmm, anyway back to my previous point, I am used to a more physical variety of abuse. However, our great female judge who apparently is also a psychologist said she recognized the signs of an emotionally traumatized woman, and as I apparently misbehaved in court she substantiated these lukewarm charges. WTF judge, I am emotionally traumatized. Anyway, the judge extended the restraining order out to one year on her nebulous medical finding.

Today class, I learned that if you don't pay into the pot and buy your own lawyer you get screwed. However, I didn't screwed out of money, I got screwed out of custody. My dear ex's alimony and child support settlement was ridiculously tiny. There is absolutely no way you could even begin to run our household on this pittance. I'm told this isn't my problem.

My partner told me I should be happy, but it's not about the money it's about having access to my kids. She is unfit to raise them. I have more money left than she does WTF, good job counselor. Anyway, this post has officially digressed into a rant.

LIL


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

LIL,

Lordy. . .I'm sorry, LIL.

Okay, mate. . .I'm just a buddy with a beer with you but you had money to go out and buy a nice car. . .why not someone to represent you?

Look. . .I am one to know that a lawyer can't change things for you. . .in a way your settlement is already pre-destined by the guidelines of your state (unless you negotiate) but this is assumedly your first get-go in the divorce arena. That's what you pay lawyers for - to represent you.

My lawyer knows the judges in my area and has referenced the potential of getting a liberal female judge. He would know how to navigate that pitfall if it does happen. AndI would just sit there with my mouth shut and let him earn his $1100 for the morning.

I'm here for you if want some advice on how to negotiate with your ex. 

I think I said this here before and specifically to you - never ever EVER go to the mat with a woman in court. THe courts favor women. They are gender biased. It's like me getting into the ring with Evander Holyfield. You want to negotiate and thwart the court proceedings if you are a man.

Your lawyer may have not made that tactical mistake - accusing a sobbing woman of committing serial perjury in front of a judge. You're a doctor and doctors make lousy lawyers and lawyers make lousy doctors. It's a fact.

Damn. . .I'm sorry for your kids you had to learn this the hard way.

Pay a lawyer $250/hour and get an opinion if there is a legal remedy for this. Preferably, I'd like you to start negotiating with your wife on the biggest business transaction of your life.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Well first off I only thought I was going to mediation this morning. The court appearance in front of Judge Angry Amy was a bit of a surprise. I thought I was only going to make a statement or two regarding her TRO to some social worker type. 

That being said, financially I actually came out very well. I am actually paying a little over three thousand dollars less than I had calculated. I just don't like the custody arrangement at all. 

I will pay more money to have access to my kids. I understand the whole concept of ransom. Essentially, that is all our legal system is about. I also stand by my original statement to the court, that my ex-wife is unfit to raise our kids.

I saw drug users get treated with more deference than I was today. I will not kowtow to "my betters" in the court system. Her own friggin lawyer referred to me as the "new kid on the block" when he first met me. 

The audacity. The senile fool thought I was her squeeze and he held out his hand for me to shake. I told him that "his hand is a tough one to shake, and that "I wasn't the New Kid." I told him "he knew me better as the respondent." What I would give for 5 minutes with that fat [email protected] on a mat. Maybe I do have anger issues... 

These people have no honor or soul. How did we get to this place America? We are truly a lost nation. I guess I should go out, celebrate, and "F" someone tonight. I'm a single guy with serious jingle in my pocket after CS and alimony. One small problem though, I'm not that guy. 

LIL


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

LIL - 

I learned it's not about the truth but about perception. PERIOD.

I am 25k into my attorney but it is worth every penny. Bottom line is I have the kids 50% of the time and I'd spend the $$ again.

I will pray for you and your kids. 

Your stb-x sounds like a xerox copy of mine. I'm sorry.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Help239, I'm afraid you are correct. It is about perception. Apparently I came off as a little defiant. In Angry Amy's defense, it probably wasn't a good idea on my behalf to suggest pressing legal reform.

However, I did dodge all the anger management and parenting crap. Go figure. I also was left with a friggin silly low amount of alimony and child support to pay.

Go figure again. She wanted money and got stiffed. I wanted unfettered access to my kids and got stiffed. Maybe that's what the courts are all about, making sure no one is happy. 

LIL


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## pairofduces (Dec 28, 2008)

I don't want to be this guy but...

Who goes to court without a lawyer to protect their rights? I'm sorry man. That's just poor judgment.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

pairofduces said:


> I don't want to be this guy but...
> 
> Who goes to court without a lawyer to protect their rights? I'm sorry man. That's just poor judgment.


I agree it was poor judgment POD. I will say it again though, I only thought I was going mediation. That is all the summons said.
For the record again though, CS and Alimony ended up being over 3000 dollars less than the figures I had calculated by reading case studies online.

We both lost. She wanted money and didn't get it. I wanted time and didn't get it. I know she will try to circle back for a bigger bite, and my shark is fixing to circle as well. Her lawyer was obviously disappointed. My wife was just clueless. It's really rather sad.

LIL


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

lastinline said:


> Go figure again. She wanted money and got stiffed. I wanted unfettered access to my kids and got stiffed. * Maybe that's what the courts are all about, making sure no one is happy. *
> 
> LIL


Not a bad functional premise to discourage divorce.

I already came up with a great marketing tagline:

"You thought your marriage was painful? Wait til we get done with you."

You're a smart guy LIL, and a competitive one; I strongly urge you to learn, and play by the rules of this game. The judge is the only individual in the courtroom that gets to display hubris should they choose. I'm sure the judge thought she had your number the moment she saw you _didn't_ have an attorney. Be indignant, but not in the courtroom.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Deejo, thank you for the sound advice. I will write my check to my "law pimp" this morning. I cannot even begin though to speak of the contempt and disgust I have for this system. 
Once again, for anyone thinking I am balking about money I am not. I am actually paying substantially less than I had calculated. This rant is about the courts willingness to be fair to all parties on all counts, and the ease to which it lends itself to manipulation. 

It's just that anytime an adulterer can become the "victim" by simply crying and playing off a female judges obvious bias, something needs to be fixed. 

I am sorry I am a 235 pound marine/linebacker looking male. I'm sorry judge that when you see me, you envision all that you hate about the male half of our gender. I am sure your life partner will be quite pleased when you report in to her "how you got me". What do you suggest that I do to soften my appearance...get breast implants? 

I am not sure how the restraining order will effect my license. My initial answer was not at all, as it is not considered a criminal conviction. In granting it, the judge stated she did so only because of my ex's obvious psychological distress. 

Please. I listened to a stalker get a 6 month R.O. because he would show up at the victims work and outside of her house at all hours. I get twelve because I made my wife cry in court, and didn't show proper deference to the judge or my ex's counselor. Seems fair. 

I guess I shouldn't be too upset about the R.O.. It's not like I wanted to see my ex anyway, but it just makes everything else so much more difficult with the kids. Decent fathers are not well served in this system. In the eyes of the courts of CA, I am a paycheck and nothing more. Sadly, money is the least of what I have to offer my children.

LIL


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

LIL,

You need to get out of this "indignant/angry" mode and this "I'm a lion, not a fox" kind of thinking and start respecting your wife as an opponent.

You're a lion alright and you just got your butt whipped by a mouse. So stop the roaring and ranting and start remembering you are in a dispute.

We all understand your anger. . .we've all been there (those of us divorcing). Abide by the rules of the restraining order for now.

You need legal counsel. You are not thinking straight - buying new cars to feel like you have something "unsullied" but skimping on counsel and representation. No problem - all divorcing men act a little batty. That's why you need counsel - to keep your head on straight.

They aren't legal pimps - they are there to advise you. You told me you are a successful businessman. I assume you use legal counsel for your business transactions. Why not the biggest business transaction of your life (well. . .second biggest. . .your marriage was the biggest).

There's a saying someone told me - 

Why do divorces cost so much? Because they are worth it.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

LIL I really am sorry to read this. Will keep you in my prayer, there's not much more I can add, I really am sorry to hear this


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> LIL,
> 
> You need to get out of this "indignant/angry" mode and this "I'm a lion, not a fox" kind of thinking and start respecting your wife as an opponent.
> 
> ...


I spoke with an attorney today and agreed to put her on retainer. Of course it starts out with being a few thousand dollars, but that's only a start. Then we have fees and filing costs, and..and... They are friggin legal pimps Scannerguard.

I understand it's an investment though, so I will treat it as such. I got off light yesterday as far as alimony and child support go, so my situation could be worse. Far worse actually. I also did get away with suggesting to the court that we need legal reform more than health care reform. I took a little satisfaction in that.

For the courts record my wife established that she had once worked with two "young" children, and now she's is not working with only one relatively "old" child e.g. 1 & 3 years old vs. 5 years old. I am assuming/hoping that the discrepancy in income has been left for her to "make up". 

I really don't feel she's clever Scannerguard,she's dishonest. I guess that's what passes for good lawyering these days. I do appreciate your input though, and you are right I am going to have to get my hands dirty. 

LIL


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