# Getting the spark



## Esoteric

My wife and I are in our seventh year of marriage. Lately I've noticed the attraction/spark we had for each other has gone out. Maybe we've taken each other for granted or lost sight of what brought us together. Can couples get the spark back?


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## TDSC60

Just the day to day humdrum of life and making a living can let the "spark" go out if you are not careful.

Start having date nights - at least once a week. Take some weekend trips together. They don't have to be elaborate - just go do something that is not available for you two to do locally.

And above all - talk to each other about it and figure out how you are growing apart - then make plans to turn it around.


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## GetTough

Esoteric said:


> My wife and I are in our seventh year of marriage. Lately I've noticed the attraction/spark we had for each other has gone out. Maybe we've taken each other for granted or lost sight of what brought us together. Can couples get the spark back?


The biggest thing you can do to get the spark back is LEAD, especially if you take the lead when it comes to unloading the DISHWASHER lol


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## heavensangel

What kinds of things were going on early in your relationship that are no longer going on? Ex: what are things you used to do to capture her heart/interest? Are you still doing them? Is she still doing the things that attracted you to her? If not, re-implement them into your relationship and use them as a foundation to find other ways to build/grow/expand your life together.


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## romantic_guy

I don't know exactly what is going on in your relationship. this could be a symptom of other problems in your relationship. I can only tell you what we do (by the way we have been married 40 years). 

first of all, keep the relationship strong. when you focus on little annoyances you will kill the romance. Speaking of romance, you both must work on keeping it alive. We tell each other, "I love you" every day. We take romantic trips as often as we can, but we also do many things that don't cost anything like taking walks, drives, going to a romantic and secluded spot for a picnic, etc. At home we will cuddle up naked on the couch and watch a movie or even football (with our own halftime heights). We have sex in a variety of ways and places. Above all, work equally as hard on your relationship as you do your work or any outside activity.


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## Mavash.

Sure they can but it takes effort or willingness on both parties to make that happen. One person can knock over the first domino but if the other doesn't respond it's a bit more challenging. At that point sometimes more drastic measures are needed depending on what caused you to lose the spark/attraction in the first place. 

I've been married for 21 years and yes it's easy to take the other for granted, easy to let life get in the way, easy to get your priorities messed up, etc.

If it makes you feel better that 7th year is the worst. We sought MC in year 7 because we lost our connection.


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## honeysuckle rose

I think all of this is great and works if you feel like you are w/ the right person. We do this constantly and I still feel like I am trying to make a square fit in an octagon. 

I hate sex. I hate being alone w/ him because I run out of things to talk about. I don't like him pawing all over me. I just don't LIKE!

It sucks...

I think attraction waxes and wanes. If you are a person who is easily bored, it's even worse. If you are the one who has the higher attraction quotient, it's worse because you CAN probably easily find someone else to be w/. But you will just end up on an endless cycle of find someone, break up, find someone new...

I guess you just slug through it and try to be more grateful and gracious. The grass isn't always greener. It's brown everywhere.


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## Maneo

honeysuckle rose said:


> I think all of this is great and works if you feel like you are w/ the right person. We do this constantly and I still feel like I am trying to make a square fit in an octagon.
> 
> I hate sex. I hate being alone w/ him because I run out of things to talk about. I don't like him pawing all over me. I just don't LIKE!
> 
> It sucks...
> 
> I think attraction waxes and wanes. If you are a person who is easily bored, it's even worse. If you are the one who has the higher attraction quotient, it's worse because you CAN probably easily find someone else to be w/. But you will just end up on an endless cycle of find someone, break up, find someone new...
> 
> I guess you just slug through it and try to be more grateful and gracious. The grass isn't always greener. It's brown everywhere.


Well it sounds as if you feel you aren't with the right person.

The cycle doesn't have to be as dreary and end in a break up. If one goes into a relationship assuming it will eventually end, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sameness is not necessarily bad. It can provide a safe and comforting place when other areas of life - work or extended family for example - are not running as smoothly.


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