# I think I've had enough



## wadenjam (Nov 2, 2015)

I think I want to divorce my wife. She is too controlling, overbearing, selfish, needy, and insecure. I can really only blame myself as I let her get this way. I've finally realized that I'm an enabler. I did not handle things as well as I should have. I catered to her wants and needs too much throughout our relationship, I put her on a pedestal and she stayed up there. We've been married 2 1/2 years. We got married after only 6 months of dating (I think the problem started here) and we are young, 23 and 24, we don't have kids. I fell for her hard when we first met, I feel like I loved her from the very first time we met. I thought she was the one. 

Now I look at her and the future is blurred. I don't see myself having kids with her anymore, not with her immaturity and erratic behavior. She's more of a big kid herself. At times I feel like I'm her father. 
She has temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way. She won't let me work late at work (even though we've been behind at work recently and I need to work late) because she needs me to be home to "help her study" by physically being in the room with her (she's in school). She turned off my internet on my phone for an entire year when she learned of my porn watching. She hits me when she's angry. She's always checking my phone. She has to have sex every single day and will have a fit if I don't give it to her. I work with cars and I'm always very tired and just want a full day's rest sometimes. We are arguing about the littlest things and it's just getting me to the point where I'm about done with it all. I've tried talking, compromising, negotiating with her. It all ends with an angry emotional fit from her. She's promised me that she will stop, change her ways, stop acting immature, but things never change and everything goes back to the way it was.

Recently, the last straw for me was that she maxed out our credit cards and we have thousands in debt. I was so angry I couldn't even talk or look at her. I felt tears in my eyes I was so mad. I knew there was no point in talking to her, I just felt this numbness. Later she said she just had to buy good Christmas gifts this year since she had to miss a lot of birthdays and parties this year because of school..
Btw no one knows of her behavior, not even her parents. Everyone thinks she's a sweet angel who could never get angry..

I feel like I shouldn't have to put up with this anymore, and I'm embarrassed that I let things go on like this for 2 years and now I have thousands of debt. I feel like I lost myself along the way and I need to get out. I'm young, tall, good looking, have my own business (still growing) and I'm pretty sure I could find someone else although that's not what I want to do right now. 
I want out of the relationship at the moment but I'm afraid of regret if I do. 
I'm venting a little here but would just like some feedback and advice.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

wadenjam said:


> She has to have sex every single day and will have a fit if I don't give it to her. I


that must be horrible.

joking aside, yes quit enabling

there are ways to say "no" nicely, say " I am not ok with ....", "I am not ok with this behavior..", "I did not agree to ...." etc


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I did not look back at your older posts, but I remember your story. 

You most likely need to divorce her. It sounds like she is getting worse.

I think you would benefit from meeting with an attorney to find out what to do protect yourself and your business financially. Do what they tell you to do and then leave.

If no one else knows how out of control she gets, you might want to buy a VAR (voice activated recorder) and get her outburst recorded Just do not let her know what you are recording. There have been people here who did that and it proved to be a very good thing. They were able to play the recording in counseling, to lawyers, even to family and friends, etc when their spouse denied being out of control.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Is there a way to gentle mention Marriage Counseling?


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

once upon a time a long time ago my XGF had similar issues. But no one knew of them. I was hesitant to leave her b/c we had invested so much time (5 years) together, owned a house, animals, etc. 

I decided one day during a blow up to call my and her parents so they could hear what I was dealing with. As a result, it opened her eyes and exposed her anger to everyone. Yes, I was the bad guy to her for a while and she withdrew. 

Long story short, it put a band aid on the problem for a bit, but she went back to her old ways. I eventually cut my losses and left her for good. 

I later heard that she got with some other poor schmo and they began to beat on each other (BTW she used to throw all kinds of things at me during her rage and once busted me up pretty good) pretty good too the point where they were both bloodied up. 

Point being, your right, your young (I was too 28) may be better to cut your losses. Sometimes its hard to change that type of behavior.


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