# Is my marriage worth saving?



## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

My situation: 
-Married 5 years
-No Kids
-Different religions, race, national origins, native language (common language is English)
-I am the bread winner, he worked 1 1/2 years part time and is no longer employed
-He has been working on his associates degree for roughly 2 1/2 years
-He has no family in the USA
-I do all of the chores
-He has not worked or gone to school in 8 months
-I am moving 7 hours away for a new job in 3 weeks

More Details: Although our values seemed to match when we got married, he has changed them since coming to the usa. He no longer wants kids and I do. He calls me traditional because I don't want an open marriage. We only have sex once a month and he gets annoyed when I hug or kiss him. He has a friendship with a woman which I feel is inappropriate. He hides a lot about her. We made an agreement that he could be friends with her if he was 100% transparent with the friendship. Last week I found out she bought him a $500 computer program or something computer related. The same day I learned that he was kicked out of school for not enrolling in college properly. I haven't spoken to him in a week. He tried to explain things to me the first day 3 or 4 times, but I wouldn't listen. I didn't argue with him. I just told him that I am done. In my heart I hoped that he would change, but he seems to be getting worse. Now I have no desire to work towards fixing my marriage. I get no benefit from this marriage. It's terrible to think of marriage in these terms, but it's the truth. 

In 3 weeks time I will be moving 7 hours away. I took a new job before the **** hit the fan. I still love him, but at this point I don't feel like it is me that needs to work to save this marriage. My current plan is to move and only speak to him when necessary and to give him a few months before completely cutting him off financially. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Is it worth even trying to save the marriage? The only thing I can even think of trying is to create some kind of written marriage contract. I thought it might help us discuss some of the problems and come to an agreement. The problem is I don't think he will abide by it and I am tired of putting forth all the effort.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It does not seem like there is anything in this marriage for you. 

He has a girlfriend. He's cheating. Why are you putting up with this? 

My suggestion is that you file for divorce and have him served with the divorce papers the day after you leave. 

Perhaps this will shock him into wanting to work on himself and maybe the marriage. If it does not shock him into reality, why would you want to support him any longer than you have to?

A marriage contract that you draw up at this point has no meaning. He does not respect you now. Why would he respect you just because of a truly unbinding piece of paper?


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

I spoke to my husband today. He sees nothing wrong with accepting a $500 gift from a female. His argument is that if accepting the gift makes me angry that it's better to hide it. There is completely no consideration for my feels or wishes. He was never like this when we married I don't know how it has come to this. I have always loved him and put him first in everything. I really don't think anything will work at this point. I am completely crushed.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Country Apple said:


> I spoke to my husband today. He sees nothing wrong with accepting a $500 gift from a female. His argument is that if accepting the gift makes me angry that it's better to hide it. There is completely no consideration for my feels or wishes. He was never like this when we married I don't know how it has come to this. I have always loved him and put him first in everything. I really don't think anything will work at this point. I am completely crushed.


The answer to your question, which I think you already know, is NO, this is not worth saving.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No


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## soulconnection (Jul 10, 2013)

No : /
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

How long do you plan to be his doormat? A doormat that you support, and on top of that you want to bring kids into this? Get into therapy and find out why your self esteem is so low.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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