# What next?



## rellik (Feb 20, 2010)

How do I move on from a relationship that I put my everything into? I moved in with my w into her house, poured my blood, sweat and tears into trying to make it our home, but cam out with nothing. She has had many failed relationships in the past, then we met, fell in love and got married. Always knew that she was bitter towards men and told me that she would change with me....didnt talk about her feelings, show emotion, or affection. We lived together for 2 years and got married Aug1/09. I was willing to move out for a month so we could find ourselves, but within a few days she wants a d. So I moved in with my parents, living in their basement with all my worldly possessions in boxes and garbage bags in the garage. I liked my life minus a few issues with me being the sensitive one in the relationship. I got rid of all my furniture when I moved in with her thinking it would last forever. People say to concentrate on trying to cope and deal with my feelings but I do not know how to. This is the first relationship where I have left and not really wanted to. I have hobbies but they are home renos and auto work but I have nothing left now. I don't know how to move on and where to start. I like who I am cause I changed a lot when we started having problems, trying to make myself a better person, I knew it and everyone else around me knew it but not her.. How do I deal with my feeling of being alone, not holding someone close at night?, companionship, etc. I am far from being over my marriage but I know I need to move on and cope.


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## Cgreene21 (Feb 11, 2010)

I feel your pain bro. I wish I could give you the answers you seek, but all I can really tell you is to surround yourself with friends and family, and try to focus on you. Is there anything that you've always wanted to try? Now's a good time to try it! Engage yourself in something new and challange yourself in new ways. Go to a counsler, church, support group, read some self help books, and continue to come back here. There are a lot of people out there that are in the same boat, myself included, that are more then willing to listen and help.

I know right now everything seems hopeless, but I promise you that the pain will subside in time. All you can do now is live each day for yourself.


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## boarderwayne (Feb 14, 2010)

Sorry to hear, D has got to be one of the hardest things anybody could experience in life. Everything about it sucks, always feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Don't worry man, I felt that way at first and still do at times but it slowly gets easier. As Cg said surround yourself with friends and family, be a little selfish and ask for help and emotional support, you'll be surprised how willing loved ones are to help and you might even be surprised by who steps up to the plate for you. I know I was, my sister and I have never been very close but through this she's been there for me whenever i need anything from a shoulder to cry on to a ear to vent to. Best of luck to you.


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## rellik (Feb 20, 2010)

My w hurt a lot of our friends thru our marriage, and all of them have understood now that it was her not me pushing them away. I have talked to a lot of friends I have not seen since we started dating. The really hard part is that she is not showing she is hurting to anyone she is around. She has had 3 people move into the house so she won't be alone. I know it will hit her when she is alone....but it has only been 6 months since we were married, and I thought we were happy. I cried more in the past two weeks to friends, family and honestly strangers I just met, than I ever have before. I have accepted its over, though not thrilled about it, but whats next? People keep saying day by day, get your own place and reclaim your independence, which is fine, but how do I get through today, tomorrow, and the next day?


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## boarderwayne (Feb 14, 2010)

Just got to get up each day, put your pants on one leg at a time and head to work. I know what you mean though, before this all starts happening your looking 5-10 yrs down the road and thinking about then. When all this hits, It's hard to see tomorrow. When my W left me, I was a complete wreck, I didn't eat or sleep for three weeks straight. Lost 30lbs in the first two weeks and looked like a zombie at work, couldn't think, couldn't function, I even got lost driving home from work, I actually drove by my own house like 4 times trying to find it one day. So believe me it may not feel like it right now but it will slowly get easier, very slowly but it does.


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## rellik (Feb 20, 2010)

Talking defiantly helps. The first weekend I did not eat, drink or sleep either. I know this is probably the same situation as everyone else, but how do you trust people when you could not trust your spouse?


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## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

Yeah I agree with everyone else. I've been there too man, in fact I'm going through it with the same woman for the second time... If your truly over your marriage and all that then maybe its time to start meeting other women? Or just having more personal relationships in general I guess, make new friends, etc. 

Meanwhile, build yourself up. This is a great time to put all of your efforts into you. Think of the bright side. All of your money is YOURS. All of your time, energy, everything, it all belongs to YOU. There are some serious pluses to that! 

As for trusting other people, I feel you there. I'm worried that I will never be able to give what I have to in a relationship anymore because I'm so scared of getting burned again.. Like all the other women I ever date or whatever are going to have to pay the price for my soon to be ex's actions.. I haven't figured that out yet... But heres what I've got so far. I learned alot about myself and relationships in general from being with my stb ex... As I look back on things I realize theres times when I shoud've kicked her to the curb, but I didnt. My gut was telling me things, and I was ignoring them, completely. Thats not to say that whenever a girl does something that seems off or wrong I'm gonna fly off the handle and end it, but theres some balance to be had there. Let your gut have some say so, but don't be afraid to listen to it and take it's advice. 

I've decided to give myself 2 relationship free years, to build myself back up emotionally, physically, socially, financially, a complete redo on my life. Sounds like that might be good for you too. By then I hope my reluctance to trust has worn off, and women I meet in the future won't have to pay for what my stb ex has done to me, because it's not fair to them at all.

My advice to you is, make new friends, associate, flirt with, date other women, see where it leads you. Find some new hobbies, volunteer somewhere, etc. Just cast yourself out into the world, and don't reel back in until your ready. You owe it to the next woman you meet.


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