# Empty Nest



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

My youngest has accepted a position 3000+ miles away and is already cleaning out her closet. My wife is absolutely beside herself. 

Any suggestions for things I can do to help her through this?


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

She needs a lot of comforting right now to process her grief. Lots of hugs from you. Refrain from clichés about getting over this, this is the outcome that parents want, etc. Just be there for her.

After a few weeks, encourage her to re-discover interests and hobbies, or develop new ones. If possible, take a trip together, somewhere you have always wanted to go. She will need to find who she is and what interests her apart from mothering. Perhaps volunteering at the local grade school will help her to fill this hole in her life.

Of course there is always e-mail, Skype, Facebook--a myriad of ways to keep in touch these days. I hope she can take solace in the fact that you raised a wonderful child.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Take her away for a romantic weekend and take her mind off the kids and onto.....other things 

My mom was always sad when we moved out. Not me - I felt more like celebrating!! Having an empty nest is awesome. You can have sex whenever you want and don't have to be quiet, you can fart in the kitchen without someone telling you how GROSS it is, you can get up naked in the middle of the night to pee and not be confronted with a kid or three watching TV, the kitchen is always clean, and I finally have a craft room.

Can you make plans with her to convert a room of the house into something you've always wanted? We converted a basement area into an exercise/TV games room, one of the bedrooms into a craft room, and are thinking now of doing one of the other bedrooms into an office.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Aww. i want to hug your wife!

Hmm, just be really supportive and ask if there is anything you can do to help/make her feel better.

On the day/weekend your daughter moves out, invite your wife out to go somewhere fun for a meal to eat or to a movie. Make plans to visit your daughter later on w hen she is settled.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

LOL, Hope, we did the Snoopy dance of joy, too, when the last one left!

But I understand how this is a difficult time, and you do go through a grieving process. You are also dealing with the end of an important stage of your life, and you have to ask yourself, "Who am I now?


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

skype said:


> But I understand how this is a difficult time, and you do go through a grieving process. You are also dealing with the end of an important stage of your life, and you have to ask yourself, "Who am I now?


Yes. The dinner table is going to be pretty quiet without an educated, mouthy, opinionated, twenty-something to entertain us. I don't even know what we're going to talk about without her.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

A woman usually just needs you to listen, maybe even watch old videos together, look at pictures...maybe send her little cards, flowers, take her out to dinner. Our oldest left the nest and our second is on his way out soon. The one thing I had to realize is that our kids will still NEED me, just in a different way. This fact made me smile again. You can really shine during this time though. The last thing she wants is you to try to "fix things". She will grieve for a while but the sun will come out again.

This is why it is soooo important for a couple to stay close during the child raising years, so when the kids leave they can embrace newfound freedom and romance!!!

You sound sweet to even want to help her. 

Good Luck!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm sure you and your wife have already read this, if so, reread it. If not, read it. It helped me tremendously when my oldest left home.

The Prophet: Kahlil Gibran: 9781614270621: Amazon.com: Books


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

ocotillo said:


> Yes. The dinner table is going to be pretty quiet without an educated, mouthy, opinionated, twenty-something to entertain us. I don't even know what we're going to talk about without her.


Talk about the hot tub and where you're going to put it!

Everytime my 14 year old gets mouthy we pull out the brochures


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Talk about the hot tub and where you're going to put it!
> 
> Everytime my 14 year old gets mouthy we pull out the brochures


That's cute!!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> My youngest has accepted a position 3000+ miles away and is already cleaning out her closet. My wife is absolutely beside herself.
> 
> Any suggestions for things I can do to help her through this?


I ran into this issue a few years ago Ocotillo. I'm not sure of you're situation but my wife was anxiety ridden and I think starting to become depressed. To be honest she thought she had control to orchestrate our kids lives when they got older even though that's not the case and she was (and is  ) a classic "what if" thinker and she had a false sense of actually having control.

Anyway time helps. I also got her a mini Dashhound which helped even more than I would have guessed. Good luck.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> I ran into this issue a few years ago Ocotillo. I'm not sure of you're situation but my wife was anxiety ridden and I think starting to become depressed. To be honest she thought she had control to orchestrate our kids lives when they got older even though that's not the case and she was (and is  ) a classic "what if" thinker and she had a false sense of actually having control.
> 
> Anyway time helps. I also got her a mini Dashhound which helped even more than I would have guessed. Good luck.


Thank you Thundarr. The biggest single thing in our situation is that our daughter is moving so far away. Like Skype said, there are lots of ways to keep in touch, but they don't stop a mother from worrying about a child in a big city.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Thank you Thundarr. The biggest single thing in our situation is that our daughter is moving so far away. Like Skype said, there are lots of ways to keep in touch, but they don't stop a mother from worrying about a child in a big city.


As you know "mamma's gonna worry". My brother and his wife did Skype and video chat a lot with their youngest son. I think what helped me not have so much difficulty is that I got a lot of my worrying done when my oldest son joined the Marines even though I didn't try to talk him out of it. At least when our youngest moved out it was similar to what I'd already dealt with from a standpoint of knowing I had to have faith in how we raised them (and prayer in my case).


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I knew a couple when I was a teen.
They lost both their boys in Vietnam.
They'd invite me over for dinner and I'd happily go.
The food and "company" at my house was horrible.
So, I'd eat a good meal and talk to them and answer questions about my day/week, etc. I'd play the piano for them.
The woman would always cry after that. 
But they always thanked me for coming. 
I guess it is difficult to miss kids. Hopefully your daughter will invite you for a visit...but remember, stay in a hotel, and take her out to dinner, only expect to get a "tour" of her new life.

This weekend I'm going to visit my son and his girlfriend.
Mostly it's because his younger brother and sister can spend time with him, but also I know it's because he knows my kids are all I've got. He's also doing some work for me now. So we have something to talk about, and I can pay him when I see him.
Silly boy, he always forgets his wallet after suggesting we go eat out. hahahahahah. He has a military position. So I really enjoy every time we get together. Don't worry about the future, just enjoy what you have or had. If it was good and worth being sad over after it's ended, you know you had it good!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I knew a couple when I was a teen.
> They lost both their boys in Vietnam.
> They'd invite me over for dinner and I'd happily go.
> The food and "company" at my house was horrible.
> ...


That's wonderful that you were there for them Homemaker_Numero_Uno. Thanks for sharing that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I knew a couple when I was a teen.
> They lost both their boys in Vietnam.
> They'd invite me over for dinner and I'd happily go.
> The food and "company" at my house was horrible.
> ...


I can't even imagine being these parents [email protected]# What a blessing you were ....

I work for a couple who lost a son in an accident 6 months before we met...they have always treated me like family and they take great interest in my life , our kids... in some ways it filled a void for them I believe... 

I am not sure it matters what age or even an Empty Nest.. I remember when husband's sister , who was very close with his mother, was moving to another state, her & husband - for better jobs... she was just beside herself...tears... I mean...It is the moving so far away..things just won't be the same....

It is a process of grieving a part of her life that will never be the way it was, the seasons of our lives......now it will be the memories of all those mouthy opinionated conversations at that dinner table.. she will look back upon... and smile too.. in time.... and yet she can look forward for these to be recaptured a few times a year on holidays- a new dinner table to sit at... She is feeling this loss...it is profound. 

I remember how I felt just dropping our oldest off at College, on the way home ..the emotions overtook me, he'd never go on another family vacation with us... not be there in the mornings, his friends dropping by, the Music / bonfires....I cried... this part of our Parenting has run it's course......memories flooded me, the stages of his life.....Shorty after I wrote him a letter... sharing some of those memories...telling him what a Joy & privilege it was to raise him, how proud we are of him......I balled writing this of course.. but it had it's healing in expressing ......apron strings untied.. this is our role...it has to be....

This is his life now....(just like it is your daughters' -time for her wings)....and it's good.....They'll always be our babies....


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

YES to the pet idea. If you don't already have one, or two, it will give her something to mother and fuss over. A dog would get her out walking but I guess you could walk or stroller a cat too.

We only have one son who wanted to move out a year ago and the H said no, not until he turned 21. Well, he turned 21 a couple of weeks ago and told us he was staying for another year. Oh well, my hubby's dream of becoming an "always nude" will have to wait one more year


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

My wife and I are actually looking forward to an empty nest. One is already gone and our daughter is in college locally. We are practically there now as she is not around much and my wife and I often just take off on our own for the weekend and don't even tell her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Now is a great time for you to sit back and think about what the two of you had dreamed of doing but never got around to. Sign her up with you for dancing lessons. Take a community college course together. Join a bridge team. Volunteer together. Show her how wonderful and fulfilling her 'second' life is going to be now.


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