# My partners exW is a *****



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

ugh, just have to get this out here because clearly I can't say it IRL.

I love Mr H, he loves me, we are blissfully happy.

My ex and I are very amicable, co parent very well and put our children first. 

I have no previous experience with mental health issues, Mr H's ex has mental health issues. She manipulates their kids and the end result is that he has very limited time with them.

This is the part of "life after divorce" that I find very confronting. I got divorced, got my act together, getting on with my life. This ***** will always be there causing grief for those around her.

I am very good at emotionally supporting my partner and have never said anything derogatory about his ex to him and I do my best to give him all the support he needs. Just needed to get it out that I find her behaviour revolting and very confronting.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Interesting. This could be written by my new/future SO. I worry about this. 

How long have you been with Mr H? When did you realize Mr H's ex was a psycho? Did it ever put a strain on your relationship?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Ceegee we have been together just over 2 years. It was fairly early on that I had an idea that there were issues but the full story took a long time to come out, well actually the full story has a long way to go.

It hasn't put a strain on us as such, in some ways it has made us closer but there are plenty of proviso's in there.

Firstly I would have run away long ago if he was not such a wonderful match for me. He has done well to protect me and our relationship from his "situation". We have learnt along the way to not let his ex know much about us, he won't divulge plans we have until after the fact because at any moment she will snap and do whatever it takes to ruin his plans.

It has been confronting to me because it is the complete opposite to my situation but that is OK I feel strong enough to stand by him. He has also stood by me very firmly with issues I have had from my past marriage. We both feel safe with each other and we have very open communication which is vital.

There is so much more but I am happy to answer any questions, keep in mind this is my experience and like all relationships will be totally different to the next person.

Don't worry about it too much, the right woman will be able to stand by you but IMHO until you know she is the right woman don't divulge too much info too quickly.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

"Don't worry about it too much, the right woman will be able to stand by you but IMHO until you know she is the right woman don't divulge too much info too quickly."


Very, very sound advice
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Ceegee said:


> Interesting. This could be written by my new/future SO. I worry about this.
> 
> How long have you been with Mr H? When did you realize Mr H's ex was a psycho? Did it ever put a strain on your relationship?


Did Mr. H go to counseling after his divorce?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Did Mr. H go to counseling after his divorce?


Yes he did and still has the occasional session, luckily it is offered through his work. His children also have counseling and are in a support group for children with a parent that has mental health issues.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The sad thing is that she is hurting the children more than she is hurting him.

My step children's mother was awful. My H had custody and I was basically their mother from age 10/11 on. But that did not keep her from calling and stirring up trouble or causing trouble when she occasionally saw them. It would take days to calm them down after one of her episodes.

I feel for what you are going through.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Thanks EleGirl, sometimes I just need to get it out and this is a safe, anon place 

We are very good at keeping the problems to a minimum, I vowed very early on to keep any issues at a huge distance from me and my children. All I can do is listen to my partner and stand by him, he in turn protects us from the fallout. 

The difficult part is that she will lay low for some time but then boom, something sets her off and it all goes to hell. She manipulates her kids and is trying to put a wedge between them and their dad which is soul destroying for him. He does everything he can to keep the peace but it is hard for him to keep the peace and be amicable when she is the complete opposite.

It isn't often but when it happens I just need to let it out.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Holland said:


> Ceegee we have been together just over 2 years. It was fairly early on that I had an idea that there were issues but the full story took a long time to come out, well actually the full story has a long way to go.
> 
> It hasn't put a strain on us as such, in some ways it has made us closer but there are plenty of proviso's in there.
> 
> ...


How does Mr H protect you from the situation?

Is it difficult for him?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Ceegee, he doesn't overload me with all the details of their drama's unless they really impact him greatly. He feels safe to discuss things with me but he doesn't bring our time together down by lamenting on his troubles.

We have had and will continue to have a very slow paced process of blending our families especially as his kids already have more than enough to deal with, just don't want to add more drama to their lives. 

I worry at times that is is difficult for him but he continually assures me that because he is so happy in our relationship that he is better able to cope with other parts of his life.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Does she have a diagnosed condition? 

Is she in therapy?

How old are his children?

I am in Mr H's shoes and curious to know more about some of the difficulties you both have had and how you've dealt with them. 

It sounds like you're doing everything you can do as a partner by just being supportive of him. 

It sucks that we have to deal with it at all. 

You mentioned she was confronting. Can you share an example?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Ceegee said:


> Does she have a diagnosed condition?
> 
> Is she in therapy?
> 
> ...


She is bi polar, has not worked outside the home for over a decade, alienated his family, bans him from her house (family home where kids live) regularly but then all is OK when she wants him to do things for her. 

Kids are mid teens.

Ceegee she hasn't been confronting, I said that I find the situation and her behaviour confronting. I do try to keep in mind that she has "issues" but at times I struggle because we are complete opposites and TBH some of what she does can't be for real. I have at times thought that she is playing my partner but because she has control over the kids then my partner simply has to bow to her and try to keep the peace.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Holland said:


> She is bi polar, has not worked outside the home for over a decade, alienated his family, bans him from her house (family home where kids live) regularly but then all is OK when she wants him to do things for her.
> 
> Kids are mid teens.
> 
> Ceegee she hasn't been confronting, I said that I find the situation and her behaviour confronting. I do try to keep in mind that she has "issues" but at times I struggle because we are complete opposites and TBH some of what she does can't be for real. I have at times thought that she is playing my partner but because she has control over the kids then my partner simply has to bow to her and try to keep the peace.


That is some very familiar stuff. Bow to her and keep the peace. I've definitely kept my mouth shut on many occasions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> That is some very familiar stuff. Bow to her and keep the peace. I've definitely kept my mouth shut on many occasions.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like a peaceful life Dedicated, no doubt about that. I never have and never will make waves with this situation. My place is to protect myself, my kids and to keep my relationship healthy and happy.

So good to have this as a safe place to let it all out


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