# he cheated, but it was 7 years ago



## sunnycc (Jul 18, 2010)

WE have been together for 11 years. About 7 years ago I came home to find him in bed with another woman. It keeps coming back to me. The hurt the anger. I wont think about it for weeks some times. THEN POW! Like a ton of bricks. I like to think I have forgiven him. But have I? When this comes back to me like it did today .. the pain is just as fresh as it was that day. I relived the entire day all over again. Why won't this stop. When will the pain go away. I don't know what to do. Any advice? Please ... I can't go on like this. Can an affair from that long ago end my marriage?


----------



## robalocc (Apr 22, 2010)

sunny, I truly feel for you !!! this is exactly what I fear in my situation, although I never caught my fiance in the act, the visual you have must be rough. You are one strong person, I wish I could give you advice, but I cant. I know many great people on here will churn in and give you great advice and guidance.. You should feel proud of the strength you showed for 7 years, god bless you !


----------



## sunnycc (Jul 18, 2010)

it just is killing me inside. It isn't fair to tell him I was thinking about it AGAIN. We went all through that. Why should he have to relive this horrible part of our life just because it POPPED in my mind again. There doesn't seem to be a trigger. Today just sitting at work .. there is was in my mind again. Fresh .. to the point I cried AGAIN. I know this isn't something I will ever forget, but does it have to come back so strong every time I do remember?!?! HOw can I stop this? Please! Someone tell me how to deal with this. Do I tell him it keeps coming back to me? Will this only make things worse?


----------



## robalocc (Apr 22, 2010)

I would definately tell him when the thoughts hit you like a "brick". I would think he would realise his wife is hurting and can comfort you thru those difficult days, it wouldnt be nagging about the past, it would be you explaining that you are having a difficult day etc... because those images and thoughts have come to your mind again... I wouldnt ask "why did you do that " and all of that, just explain your true feelings and that now and then it still hurts like hell. Holding it inside will do you no good. I would think he comforting you, will make you realise your not alone in all this, and he is bye your side. you taking this whole thing on your own is what is hurting you the most. Just no finger pointing etc... just explain your mood and hurt, and I would imagine his comfort will ease things much much more for you. good luck. Its amazing what a hug can do bye someone special when your feeling like this....


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

You are probably doing better than you think, your marriage is still together after something like this....I agree that you should tell your husband how you feel and how it hurts you when you re-live the event in your mind.....
Can you ever forget something like that I don't think so, can you re-direct your thoughts when it pops in your head, this you can do but it will take a bit of effort on your part....also ask your hubby for a hug to get through the sadness you feel......
I would be the same way and although I didn't catch them in the act, my mind does imagine what that would be.....I try to think of something positive my husband has done for me since then and his effort to make things up to me.....I try to focus only on the present and the future and try to leave the past in the past, that is gone and can't be changed so there is no point in thinking about it even though that is hard at times......
Don't let that event take anymore of your life or marriage....your husband is with you and hopefully you are working to meet each other's needs and building a happy marriage for both of you.......


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

If it has been 7 years and you are still getting these thoughts and images, I would think that something wasn't resolved back then. Either that or your marriage wasn't fixed in some of the ways you hoped it would be when you began trying to reconcile. 

I would honestly suggest seeing a counselor by yourself and find out what is going on. It could be something as little as you are waiting for him to meet some of your needs, you are nervous that you aren't meeting his, etc. My honest opinion would be that its okay to tell him you are having a rough day and request that he be especially sensitive with more hugs, kisses, whatever makes you feel loved by him and then talk with a counselor about the deep parts. He may feel that you are never going to forgive him if you bring it up this much later. (Not saying at all that you are wrong, but if you see a counselor first and get to the root and then talk to him the outcome will be better). Best of luck honey and I hope it all works out well for you.


----------

