# Dinner Table Leadership



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Family dinners are a great way for men to actively participate in parenting. Dinner time rules: No phones/electronics or unnecessary interruptions. Quality time requires focus. 

The games below worked well for us in creating a fun, educational environment that engages everyone at the table. 

*Game 1: 'Would you rather'? (WYR)*
Players take turns asking each other questions about goals, preferences and desires. The questions follow a simple format that gives the respondent two choices to pick from. Sample questions are below. 
Would you rather be an 'Eagle or a Porpoise' 
Would you rather be 'Old and rich or young and poor'?
Would you rather have one great best friend or a group of good friends?
Would you rather have one week on a nice boat, or one day on a luxury yacht?
The respondent picks one of the options and optionally states why they chose it.

Game Play:
Dad starts the game by asking the person to his left a question. 
That person answers and then asks the person on their left.
Periodically, Dad switches play from clockwise to counter clockwise. 

*Game 2: 'Food chain': * Teaches the kids about the primary attributes and strategies animals and plants use to eat and avoid being eaten. Each player is given a list of sample attributes and strategies (the list below can be printed) as a starting point. 

Game Play:
Dad names an animal and asks the person to his left to describe its attributes/strategies.
Play continues in clockwise until periodically Dad reverses the direction. 
Attributes and strategies outside the sample list are encouraged. 
Optionally a list of animals can be brought to dinner and each person can choose from available animals on the list. (at which point that animal is checked off)

*Attributes: *
Camouflage 
Protective covering (shell, thick skin, needles, etc)
Venom and means of using it (injecting, spraying)
Enhanced senses (distance vision, night vision, ability to perceive tiny amounts of motion, directional hearing, smell, etc)
Strength, speed, agility, size

*Strategies:*
Group hunting behavior
Group defensive behavior (Elephants, Cape buffalo)
Individual hunting techniques
Symbiosis 
Parasitism


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

We tried this with our daughter. All we get is babble babble babble. And she constantly interrupts us when we're talking. And if we don't talk to her with eye contact she starts screaming.

Just joking ... she's only 5 months.

But seriously, I was shocked when my H told me that they only sat down to eat as a family while they were too small to serve their own plates. They are pretty much 4 stair steps and once his youngest sister could fix her own plate they just ate whenever they wanted to. I was surprised because they really are a close-knit family.

We all ate together as a family until jobs, school activities, and sports made that impossible. Probably the last two years before the youngest graduated high school. They didn't have any interesting topics but my Mom made us go around the table and talk about our day. And she would sometimes as another one what the other one said so that we wouldn't zone out. It was kind of boring but at least they tried.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I was starting to think WTF - til I hit the 5 month bit. 

The goal is for this to be fun. 





committed4ever said:


> We tried this with our daughter. All we get is babble babble babble. And she constantly interrupts us when we're talking. And if we don't talk to her with eye contact she starts screaming.
> 
> Just joking ... she's only 5 months.
> 
> ...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Family dinners are a great way for men to actively participate in parenting. Dinner time rules: No phones/electronics or unnecessary interruptions. Quality time requires focus.
> 
> The games below worked well for us in creating a fun, educational environment that engages everyone at the table.
> 
> ...



As a single dad of two girls I like this. I will give it a try. Thank you


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Wolf,
Hats off to you, that can't be easy. Good luck with your daughters.




Wolf1974 said:


> As a single dad of two girls I like this. I will give it a try. Thank you


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I do love it when we get the whole family up at the table for a meal but it does not happen enough for my liking.

With people working different hours, kids with after school activities, DIY, college etc etc weekday meals tend to be just the younger children up the table with my wife and everybody else sorts themselves out a plateful when they get the chance.

As Saturday is often as busy as a weekday we will not all get together until the evening so it tends to be a "buffet" style help yourself with lots of talking / catching up. 

Everyone makes an effort to be home for Sunday Lunch is my favorite meal of the week and can last a couple of hours. I love cooking it, some background music, wine for those who want it, the whole family (and guests) sitting together enjoying the food and each other’s company. We do not have structured games but conversation is encouraged and everyone gets to have their say. For a big family like our (we have 5 kids) lots of long term planning takes place over Sunday Lunch.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Having family dinners is very important to us.

Mondays are set aside as 'always family time' and almost nothing is allowed to interfere with that.

Other days are more flexible, with work, and other activities, but we usually have several family meals a week, and it's an ideal time to reinforce expected behaviour, and conversation. We get a chance to discuss what's occurred during the day at work/school, what's happening on the news, anything interesting of exciting, or funny.
After a bit of practise, it becomes natural, and you no longer need tools to get things going.

Having children who appreciate good food helps - there's always something to talk about!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

We haven't got any kids, but I remember one of my uncles doing something like it when I was a little boy.

My mother and father were divorced and I spent lots of time with my uncles.
His version had to do with different types of trees and their botanical family. Sometimes the names and orders were hard to remember , but after a while we [ myself , brother and sister & cousins ] got accustomed.

My uncle was definitely leader of his home and also a kind of father and mentor to me.
He was an Electrical Engineer , and owned a business.
When I was just 11 yrs old , my mom insisted that every afternoon after school and during the summer holidays, that I go to his firm and how to 
" work ." I absolutely loved doing that.
Lol , that worked like magic.
Later in life , I chose to study Engineering , but branched off into Mechanical, and I also decided to start my own business.
His both sons also became Electrical Engineers.

I guess in his case, the influence of his leadership extended far beyond the dinner table , but he did it wisely.

Dinnertime with him was always fun.

But it's funny how " the circle of life " has a momentum and inertia of it's own.
My younger sister got married and divorced. She had a kid for her affair partner. I took charge of that kid when he was just 56 yrs old.
Around age 14 , he asked me to get a summer job for him one year, which I did, and every year after that, he worked during the summer.
Sometimes we'd sit and talk for hours about life, and all the plans he had for his life.
Interestingly enough, today he's a first year Mechanical Engineering student at university.
Sadly , his older brother ended up in jail.
His only sister got pregnant at 18 yrs old.
I am now trying to salvage the life of his youngest brother...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

That is really good that you are helping, CM. So many young people do not have anyone willing to intervene in their lives, or just to help if asked.

And a job is so important for young people. Youth unemployment is a real issue in many areas. Work as a way of life is not known among some populations, and this cannot be good for society.

Dh is a mech engineer, and our daughter is studying chem engineering. Ds11 is a born mech engineer. I am sure they got dh's genes, lol, but his example is important, too.

Good thread, MEM. Fatherhood is such a responsibility for a man.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I really wish we had done family dinners when our son was young. But, it's pretty much impossible to do that when your husband either refuses outright to participate, or is practically seething with resentment through the meal to the point that conversation is awkward and everyone's too tense to eat. He wanted to eat on his own schedule, in front of the television, either alone or with just me, and loathed having to deal with a young child at the table. 

My son and I eat dinner together most nights now that it's just the two of us in our new house.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Well, I guess he got what was coming to him, Rowan. He is out of your life now, and doesn't have as much influence over his son.

Dh told me his dad always wanted to watch TV during meals, and his mother and the kids wanted to talk. One day the mom and kids just talked, right through the TV. The dad got mad, and ended up moving closer to the TV. The kids and mom enjoyed the conversation. I think it helped them start to break free from the dad's control at mealtimes, and in other areas, too.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jld said:


> That is really good that you are helping, CM. So many young people do not have anyone willing to intervene in their lives, or just to help if asked.
> 
> And a job is so important for young people. Youth unemployment is a real issue in many areas. Work as a way of life is not known among some populations, and this cannot be good for society.
> 
> ...


Don't want to hijack MEM's thread.

But I would have easily guessed that your husband was involved in some branch of Mech. Eng. based on what you said about his work schedules and travels.
My first overseas job opportunity was Kuwait and my second offer was Saudi Arabia.
I rejected both times because I was just married.

What branch of Mech. is he?
Industrial / Manufacturing Production , Thermal , Instrumentation or Systems Eng? [ My guess is same as my field, Manuf. Production, haha! ]

Anyway, love this thread MEM ,very important topic, I like how you introduced it. Brilliant!
Sorry for the hijack.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Wolf,
> Hats off to you, that can't be easy. Good luck with your daughters.


Thank you. It isn't. I constantly feel like I fail them each day as I have no idea how to raise them to be a good woman. It certainly would have been easier for me, a very type a kinda guy and by this boards terms an alpha male, to have had boys instead of girls.

That being said they have softened my heart in a way I never thought possible. They have already taught me more than I could ever hope to teach them. I don't know if they will ever understand that. They are my reason for existing and trying every day


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Thank you. It isn't. I constantly feel like I fail them each day as I have no idea how to raise them to be a good woman. It certainly would have been easier for me, a very type a kinda guy and by this boards terms an alpha male, to have had boys instead of girls.
> 
> That being said they have softened my heart in a way I never thought possible. They have already taught me more than I could ever hope to teach them. I don't know if they will ever understand that. They are my reason for existing and trying every day


I have a son and two daughters. I am like you in that I find my son so much easier, but I have learned so much from my daughters in ways that I never expected.

On MEMs theme, we go around the table and give everyone a chance to talk about their day. What they learned, what they enjoyed, what they did not and what they have planned for tomorrow. Everyone gets a chance to talk and be the center of attention, from me down to my five year old.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Wilt,
It's great that you have a big gathering on Sundays. Five kids makes for quite a scheduling challenge. 




Wiltshireman said:


> I do love it when we get the whole family up at the table for a meal but it does not happen enough for my liking.
> 
> With people working different hours, kids with after school activities, DIY, college etc etc weekday meals tend to be just the younger children up the table with my wife and everybody else sorts themselves out a plateful when they get the chance.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

CM,
Your nephews are very lucky. 




Caribbean Man said:


> We haven't got any kids, but I remember one of my uncles doing something like it when I was a little boy.
> 
> My mother and father were divorced and I spent lots of time with my uncles.
> His version had to do with different types of trees and their botanical family. Sometimes the names and orders were hard to remember , but after a while we [ myself , brother and sister & cousins ] got accustomed.
> ...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> CM,
> Your nephews are very lucky.


Thank you!

I really like your idea for this thread though, it brings back fond childhood memories!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Rowan,
Your son is lucky. 

It's sad your husband didn't grasp the concept of family time. 





Rowan said:


> I really wish we had done family dinners when our son was young. But, it's pretty much impossible to do that when your husband either refuses outright to participate, or is practically seething with resentment through the meal to the point that conversation is awkward and everyone's too tense to eat. He wanted to eat on his own schedule, in front of the television, either alone or with just me, and loathed having to deal with a young child at the table.
> 
> My son and I eat dinner together most nights now that it's just the two of us in our new house.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Mem, you are right! Dinner time is a great time to bond as a family. We eat dinner together as a family about 95% of the time. We don't play games like you suggest but talk about the day, projects, school or work. We tell jokes and have a good ole time. 

One night one of the kids sat at my seat so I sat in theirs and talked and acted like them. Soon several others switched and adopted the personality of the spot. It was hilarious. My daughter did a really good imitation of me telling our youngest how to cut food with a knife saying back and forth, back and forth. It cracked everyone up.


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