# The Exit Plan...



## Julie

I am in the process of putting my exit plan into place... 

I have been planning my exit for a little over a year now. I almost had everything in place and was going to leave in March but I didn't have the guts to do it then. Now I believe I am ready to go through with it.

I took the following steps... 

First - I started paying down our Credit Card bills because they are all in my name with him as an authorized signer... Not a Joint account holder. 

Then I added him as a joint account holder to one of the cards. This was the only card that would allow me to add him as an account holder and then drop my name from the account. So on this Credit Card, I pay the minimum every month and pay significant amounts towards the others...

Second - I called our cell phone company and verified the process of taking his cell phone off of my account since it is in my name. The Customer Service Rep said that the only way I can take him off of my account w/o having to pay a fee is if he transfers his number to his own account. Luckily for me he runs a business off of that number so he will need it.

Third - I opened my own checking account and have started putting money into this account. Cash only that way it cannot be traced back to our joint accounts. So far I have about $900 in this account. 

Fourth - I started sending more money to my savings account $400 a month. This account is in my name only and at a separate bank than our everyday bank. My H knows about this account so he will want to split anything in the account. The reason why I have upped the $$ going into this account is because I plan on sending all of it to the CC. 

Fifth - I called our auto ins. company and asked about taking his name off and they said all you have to do is submit a letter asking them to take his name off of the policy and I would also need a copy of his new ins. policy.

Sixth - I took all of our 2008 bills and divided them... His stuff/ my stuff. I even made copies of the bank statements for him. (I know I am so nice) 

Seventh - I did a lot of little odds and ends things that I know that I could not afford on my own. I Bought new work clothes, took my dog to get shots and his teeth cleaned ($200), Spent about $800 on getting my car fixed, Bought a new laptop, took a mini vacation w/ hubby (hoping to repair the marriage - didn't work but had fun), went to the Dr. and got all kinds of medical tests done to make sure I am healthy (about $450). 

Is there anything I am missing? We do not have kids (thank goodness) so I did not have to plan for that. 

Is there anything that you did that you could recommend to me? How did you plan your exit and how long did it take you to accomplish it? Did it work out how you planned? If not, what went wrong?


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## dcrim

That sounds like a well thought out plan!

I've never needed one so don't know what else to suggest.


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## Rhea

Wow you've really strategized well thus far...have you done all of this w/o him noticing? If so wow you're stealth 

If he has noticed has he said anything pertaining to it?


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## Julie

My H has no idea... I have managed to do this w/o getting caught. Right under his nose!!! I even had to get him to sign the paperwork adding him as a joint account holder on the CC. 

I brought the paperwork to him and said Chase and Washington Mutual are merging... They need you to sign this paperwork because they cannot find the original paperwork... He read it, then he said "I think I'm being set up." I said why would you say that? Your already an account holder. They must have lost the paperwork when we added you 5 yrs. ago. And he said oh, OK.

I manage all the money so that is easy. 

Last week I was trying to sell everything off... ;O)

I sold the Chase Lounge, Need to get rid of the GIGANTIC fish tank that is not being used and would really like to sell the Pool table. 

So I told him I sold the Chase Lounge to your mom (who has always wanted it), The fish tank ($200) and the Pool Table ($1500) were posted on Craigslist, and the Pool table he says... There is no way in hell your selling it. I still put it on CL... He said why are you selling everything? I said because it is sitting in storage, taking up space. 

And If we buy a condo, this stuff will never fit in there. So why not sell it, and beef up our savings? (He thinks were going to buy a condo)

So, with all this said I do not believe he knows of everything that is going on But he may have an idea...

We have friends that are getting married... They asked us for advice. We gave them advice and then something came up about divorce and my H said yeah she's been planning our divorce for 3 months... I think I got 9 months left. 

If he only knew I have been planning it for a year and he has 2 months left - Too Funny!


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## jmany

Sounds like you've got it all figured out. Have you ever spoken to your husband about the problems in the marriage or were you too busy focusing on the exit plan? Because nothing I'm reading mentions anything about the actual marriage, just your excitement in being stealthy in getting ready to leave. I don't know, doesn't seem very fair to your husband, but then again I don't know the exact issue your marriage faces. just my .02


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## Rhea

Oh woah woah woah...you "conned" him into being added on to a CC and are planning on taking your name off so he can be left w/the debt in his entirety??? Now that one I don't agree with.

There are ways to have debt split equally whence a divorce comes into play...not bashing you for making a exit plan...but said exit plan should NOT include "conning"

Yes inquiring minds would like to know...what exactly went sour w/the marriage?


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## dcrim

Jmany, welcome to the forums! 

Well her H cheated on her with the nanny...no...served her a broken hamburger...no, went to argentina to be with someone else...hmmm, having a hard time keeping these things straight.  

Just click on her nick and go to statistics and click on find all posts. She has other threads...you'll find what her problem is.


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## jmany

Thanks for the warm welcome. I will check her other posts to see.


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## Rhea

Oh sorry didn't know she had other posts. I'll go look so I can be more informed.


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## recent_cloud

congratulations on your thoroughness; you've covered many of the important bases.

may i make two suggestions:

first it's good you have your own checking account but you also need to stash some cash away. not in a bank or anywhere else where it can be traced. and tell absolutely no one. 

second look into the divorce laws in your state. many states do not allow a divorce attorney to represent one party if they have had a consultation with the other.

it's considered a conflict of interest.

if your state is one that recognises this conflict then make appointments with the top few divorce attorneys in your area.

that way when your hubby goes hunting for representation he'll have to settle for a less competent attorney.

good luck.


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## SFladybug

recent_cloud said:


> congratulations on your thoroughness; you've covered many of the important bases.
> 
> may i make two suggestions:
> 
> first it's good you have your own checking account but you also need to stash some cash away. not in a bank or anywhere else where it can be traced. and tell absolutely no one.
> 
> second look into the divorce laws in your state. many states do not allow a divorce attorney to represent one party if they have had a consultation with the other.
> 
> it's considered a conflict of interest.
> 
> if your state is one that recognises this conflict then make appointments with the top few divorce attorneys in your area.
> 
> that way when your hubby goes hunting for representation he'll have to settle for a less competent attorney.
> 
> good luck.


Wow, I would not have thought of that one. Talk about stealth moves. 
Julie - you have obviously given this a lot of thought re money/credit (after reading your other posts) for good reason. Are you prepared emotionally to walk out the door?
Wish you the best and hope your next close relationship is more equally matched.


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## Julie

Rhea - We've have $12k in CC debt. The CC I plan on making all his has a limit of $2200. So, If anything I'll get screwed minus $2200. I am not conning him at all... All the debt we have is in my name. House, Car, CC, Loans... I have the better credit, better job... Why should I get stuck with it all. He is the main reason why we are in debt!!!! 

I just want to make sure I don't ruin my credit throughout the divorce. I am an accountant. Do you know what will/ could happen to me if my credit gets ruined and I try to find a new job? I won't get hired...

I am a fair person and plan on leaving this relationship 100% equal... I don't want to screw him out of anything. I just want to make sure My @$$ is covered. I am the one holding all the debt. He would basically walk away with a truck that's 2/3 paid off and a trailor full of tools. ME, I will have a house w/ $190k mortgage, $100k in student Loans, a car payment, and $12k in CC's. 

So I hope you understand.


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## martino

1. Might he find this forum saved on your computer? 2. Does he have psycho potential?


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## Sandy55

How about ten grand for the attorney?


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## recent_cloud

Sandy55 said:


> How about ten grand for the attorney?


that's a straw dog.


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## Julie

No, he will not find this forum on our computer. I mainly come on this site when I am at work. And if I happen to log onto this site while I am at home I always delete the history... We have already dicussed if we were to get a divorce and we decided on no attorneys...


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## Rhea

Julie said:


> Rhea - We've have $12k in CC debt. The CC I plan on making all his has a limit of $2200. So, If anything I'll get screwed minus $2200. I am not conning him at all... All the debt we have is in my name. House, Car, CC, Loans... I have the better credit, better job... Why should I get stuck with it all. He is the main reason why we are in debt!!!!
> 
> I just want to make sure I don't ruin my credit throughout the divorce. I am an accountant. Do you know what will/ could happen to me if my credit gets ruined and I try to find a new job? I won't get hired...
> 
> I am a fair person and plan on leaving this relationship 100% equal... I don't want to screw him out of anything. I just want to make sure My @$$ is covered. I am the one holding all the debt. He would basically walk away with a truck that's 2/3 paid off and a trailor full of tools. ME, I will have a house w/ $190k mortgage, $100k in student Loans, a car payment, and $12k in CC's.
> 
> So I hope you understand.


Gotcha...makes more sense now.


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## Deejo

I recommend this book: Healthy Divorce by Lois Gold, particularly if you want to avoid attornies.

On the financial front, I picked up "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. Good strategies for paying down debt.

You are doing the right things. Other pieces to consider:
Retirement accounts, 401K, IRA's 
stocks
life insurance
health insurance (you may be obligated to carry him - or consider making him pay you the difference in the cost between an individual or family plan) I'm making the assumption that you carry the health insurance - if so, let your HR dept know what is going on, and whether or not they will allow you keep an ex-spouse on your policy. If not, you could be liable for helping him pay for insurance.

When this thing unfolds, there may be those - including your husband that see these actions as 'sinister'. They aren't. What you are doing is smart and whether anyone thinks so or not, they are to both of your benefit.


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## voivod

dcrim said:


> That sounds like a well thought out plan!
> 
> I've never needed one so don't know what else to suggest.


for gosh sakes. i'd suggest giving him a chance to individually construct an exit plan for himself!. aren't we all humans with flaws??? when he falls off the planet because you've so diabolically planned to leave him in your dust, i hope you'll remember that he, too, is a human and deserves some consideration.

"he is the main reason we are in debt." credit works like that. two are one in your case. his name is yours. yours is his. like it or not, when granting credit was considered by your creditors, your integrity was put on judgement based upon your history. the creditors made a mistake in judgement on you, too.

sound like you've made a plan to destroy him. good luck with eternity with that.


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## michzz

If the mortgage, in your name, was for purchase of a home during the course of your marriage and if you are in a community property state, then the home is community property regardless of the debt held on it.

Sure, you'd have to pay off the debt by selling the property. However, any proceeds beyond paying off the note will have to be split 50/50.

On the other hand, if you owned the property prior to marrying or inherited it, it's yours.


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## Julie

Thanks Deejo - I have Health Insurance through my company and we found a better deal for his insurance through ehealthinsurance.com. So he is not on my policy... Thank goodness. 

We do not have any 401k, IRA's, stocks... I used to have stock which I sold to buy our first place. We do not contribute to retirement accounts at this moment because the interest we are paying on our debts would not compare to the interest we are getting on our savings/retirement accounts. Plus, One day I asked him about us opening Roth IRA's and he got upset at me and said "what do you think I don't know how to save." I replied with , that's not what I am implying. I said we need to start saving for our retirement now. We can't just wait and hope we have enough when we are in our sixties. And yes, he does not know how to save. He sees money in our savings account and thinks it ok to spend on something stupid...

I had started an IRA for myself but times got so tough I had to cash it out. I have started thinking about this again and have decided to wait until we get a divorce to open a Roth IRA.


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## Julie

Voivod - I don't think you clearly understand. I WILL BE STUCK WITH ALL THE DEBT..... HE WILL WALK AWAY FREE AND CLEAR.....

Yeah he may have to pay me so much a month to pay off his portions of the debt, but will he? That's kind of like child support... So many parents don't get child support because their spouse decided not to pay... Is that fair?

I think I have handled our situation fairly... I do not plan on screwing him. I just want it to be equally fair for both of us! You do not know me so therefore you have no right to say whether or not the creditors made a mistake on my judgment... 

I have never been late on a payment, I have over a 760 credit score, I have worked 3 jobs because my husband decided that he didn't want to work for an ENTIRE YEAR! I had to make up for what he wasn't bringing in! While going to school full time. 

Do you think you think that was fair? Especially when I would get home at 11pm at night after my second job and see him smoking pot on the couch? The house was still a mess, no dinner, laundry still needed to be washed... Do you think that is fair? Do you think I should have to pay $400 a month for him to smoke pot when he wasn't even working? 

Michzz - The mortgage is in my name and he is on the deed. The house is upside down $100k. And it is rented out.


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## michzz

Julie said:


> Michzz - The mortgage is in my name and he is on the deed. The house is upside down $100k. And it is rented out.


Ok, understood. Any way in your planning to figure out a way to get him to give up his "claim" to the house?

Even if underwater, if he feels slighted by you in the parting (likely), he could make things hard for you.

For example, taking out a second mortgage. Yeah, his credit suck, but he may not care the interest rate, and just find a shark who'd agree.

Something to think about.

I'm sorry your pothead husband doesn't get it.


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## shawn3497

How about ****ing honesty? How about telling him Hey Im leaving and this is why instead of doing sneaking around crap. Why do you feel like you have to do this behind his back, what a bunch of crap


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## voivod

dcrim said:


> Jmany, welcome to the forums!
> 
> Well her H cheated on her with the nanny...no...served her a broken hamburger...no, went to argentina to be with someone else...hmmm, having a hard time keeping these things straight.
> 
> Just click on her nick and go to statistics and click on find all posts. She has other threads...you'll find what her problem is.


dcrim, you're hired buddy! nice work on keepin' it real here. much appreciated. i hate to be conned by a poster. and i was livid with the stealth, gutless "exit plan".


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## dcrim

Voivod, sometimes you just got to laugh at life! Otherwise it wins!  

Actually I don't have a problem, per se, with the plan...if it has gotten to the point that it's necessary...I can only presume she tried other avenues to rectify the situation. 

But it's her life & her choice...


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## TabbyCat

My girlfriend has thought about leaving her husband for years. Anyway, an idea I gave her was to take some CASH, every couple of weeks and mail it to HERSELF, using her name and her mother's address. This way her mother (she wants her daughter to leave), receives the envelope but can't open it because it's addressed to her daughter. She can just "save" your mail for you, and you can pick it up after you leave. This way her mother wouldn't ever have to lie about anything. It's just some mail.

We live in a community property state, so it doesn't matter whose name is on an account if you're married, it still gets split. So if you can, skim a couple of hundreds off every week, or when possible. CASH.


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## TabbyCat

Oh, you also might want to watch the movie,"Enough". It might give you an idea. I DON'T mean the part where she takes him out!


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## voivod

dcrim said:


> Voivod, sometimes you just got to laugh at life! Otherwise it wins!
> 
> Actually I don't have a problem, per se, with the plan...if it has gotten to the point that it's necessary...*yeah, but you can get so caught up in your own hype that...well, i'm sure you know where i'm going..*I can only presume she tried other avenues to rectify the situation. *how? so much energy has gone into this plan.*
> 
> But it's her life & her choice... *almost sounds like she's bragging. but, it's her life(?????)*


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## java

401K...any money added to a 401k or IRA during the marriage could be considered marital property. Anythink accumulated during the marriage is marital property. Make a list of everything in the house that is of value an that you want to keep. If you just leave and decide to come back for stuff you will be screwed. Trust me, I learned that the hard way. Never again will I leave my **** when the time comes to leave. 

Good luck.


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## Heidiw

Julie- I think you really have your act together.:smthumbup: I am taking some of what you said & doing a few things of my own. Right now he will be staying at our house & paying the bills that come to this house. I am giving him the bank account as I have my own with direct deposit. He told me that my car was my responsibility not his even though he wants to borrow my car. So after I move out I am calling the bank to pick it up because I cannot afford the car & support myself as well as our daughter. My parents are letting me stay with them til he makes up his mind. While he does that I will be saving money & driving a vehicle my parents do not use very often. Once I get some money together I will be buying a vehicle for cash. Next is paying off my credit card that he used up so I have back up for when/if he moves out. 

If he decides to go he will give the house to me. He has no use for it as he has no friends or family here. Plus he knows our daughter loves her room & friends so he wouldn't want to hurt her anymore then he has.

I am the only one who worked this year so I have already told him that I will be filing separate taxes & claiming our daughter. I told him that whatever I get I am keeping as I need a safety net for the home.

I have medical insurance, life, & retirement. He will remain on my insurance as he has health issues & I am not a b*tch. I am taking him off my life as guardian for our daughter. Retirement will go the same way.

If he goes then he said he will give me 500 a month for our daughter as we don't know what the outcome with his back will be let alone if he will ever be able to work again. If our daughter needs something that I can't completely cover he will help me. 

I think his feelings for me have begun to change as he has been getting a little jealous lately & constantly checking on me to see what I am doing. He hates that I am chatting with friends & singing around the house. I guess its because I am not crying my eyes out. He also picks his head up long enough to see that my dress appearance has changed. He didn't know that a top I was wearing was one that I had for a month & had been wearing it to work.:scratchhead: 

I guess when you get away from a computer you start to notice more then some stupid character on a screen. What a dummy!


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## Julie

Thanks to everyone who supports me. 

You know I came on this forum for your help and support. Not to be pulled down and told I'm a horrible person. Divorce is bad enough as it is. 

In the 9 years that my H and I have been together I have put more than 120% into the relationship. I have worked hard when when times were tough... I have never cheated and have been a good wife thus far. 

Unfortunately, it is now over. I am done. I am now at the point where I resent him. So even if he decides to get his act together... It is too late.


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## dcrim

I understand, girl. The straw that broke the camels back. 

Take charge of your life and live it for YOU. Find someone that can/will love you as you will love them. It won't be tomorrow, or next week or next month...who knows when? But don't close off your life, affections.


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## Deejo

Everybody comes here with baggage. That baggage runs the gamut from fanny-packs to steamer trunks in terms of size and content.

From the perspective of a partner that has been horribly betrayed, what you are doing may appear cold, calculating, and manipulative. 

I'm pretty confident that without exception, there is simply no way for anyone here to fully represent the breadth and scope of the circumstances they have faced and dealt with in their relationship.

You are taking the right steps to end the relationship equitably, and with a little dignity. I wouldn't necessarily expect your husband to see it that way if he doesn't want to end the relationship - but he has taken no steps to fix it either. Having a plan for holding your sh!t together in a separation and divorce is smart and responsible.


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