# Dating Sites on internet



## Aero (May 10, 2010)

Hi

My husband had an affair 5 years ago, but he came back 2 me. But ever since the affair he register on dating sites and i found out that he whas chatting with the girls as well and every time he told some storie, like he didn't register on the sites or it came on his computer through spam. Well it didn't stop and i actually found out the truth and saw some if his profiles on this sites and on every site he is divorced. He works in a other land know and me and the kids are still living at home and not with him. And he promised me that he is not going on to any dating sites, but i found out that just 2 weeks away from home and he whas on a dating site again. The reason he whas intrested 2 see how these sites works over there. But 2 see he had to register. It seems that this will never stop. I told him that it looks like he wanted out but he said he don't want 2 and that he don't whant 2 divorce either. We are married 17 years now. 
I don't know what 2 do or believe anymore. And every time i am the one that is jealous and i want 2 control him and that he doesn't want 2 talk about it anymore, i must just let it be.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Of course he doesn't want out. Why would he? He's got the best of being single and being married. And there's no apparent consequences to his actions.

His reasoning "to see how the work" is really lame... Why does he care how they work? Unless he creates websites of that nature, I don't see many reasons for that.

C


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Dating site was my husband's old addiction. 
He got rid of his bad habit 2 years ago and until now he's a very faithful husband.
Long story.
It's like the cat chasing the mouse playing seek & hide game.
When you catch a dating profile, the mouse will behave for a while, but not long after, you have to catch it again and again.
I had been through this seek & hide game. I know your pain and I know it's quite hopeless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Been there, done that.

Sometimes I think all "men" are scumbags given the chance, but I keep holding out hope.

The internet didn't cause the problem, but it definitely made it more accessible and anonymous. Sometimes I hate the d*** thing!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I don't know your husband's personalities so I can't really give you a magic formula because it took me many years to catch & fight until my husband decided to get rid of dating site by himself.
It's a warning sign. There's an issue in your marriage. It relates to his sexual and emotional unsatisfaction.
So that's the main and real problem in the marriage.
You might want to create a profile as well, make yourself looks very attractive and date your husband. He might get jealous and surprised to see you on the dating site and ask you, "what the hell you're doing here?" So it's a copy cat strategy that made him understand how it feels like to see his own spouse looking for a date with other men. Anyway, he wanted to feel young, confident, the chemistry and excitement, when dating a new gf... As for my case, 
love & understanding from me was the main reason my husband got rid of this addiction "by himself." 
I know it sounded very unfair and unreasonable. I tried all the possible ways, until I told him.
"I love you, I wished you dated me instead because want you badly. But if I'm not a good enough wife for you, you want me to leave, we can divorce. I want you to know you mean the whole world to me. I know after married many years, we lost the chemistry and the excitement but I can be your new sexy gf, I can chat with you online because I only want to date you and love you in the rest of my life." 
My husband felt very sorry and never used dating site ever since.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Been there, done that.
> 
> Sometimes I think all "men" are scumbags given the chance, but I keep holding out hope.
> 
> The internet didn't cause the problem, but it definitely made it more accessible and anonymous. Sometimes I hate the d*** thing!


MarriedWifeInLove, I've been with my wife for 25 years, married for 16. My wife, who for 25 years was anti-cheating and "infidelity equals divorse" being her mantra for all of those 25 years, caried on an 11 month EA that culminated in a AP. She also has two sexual indiscressions as well. I remained faithful and never strayed. I also don't wish to engage in "revenge" sex. I am working on repairing my marriage.
While I have a "thick skin", I think your characterizing "all men [as being] scumbags" is a bit out of line! I think my wife's behavior can be characterized as "scumbagish". I think you'll find alot of women cheaters whos behavior fits that description. Self-centered, inconsiderate, hurtful, deceitful....
would be an accurate description of these "women"! :scratchhead:


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I don't know your husband's personalities so I can't really give you a magic formula because it took me many years to catch & fight until my husband decided to get rid of dating site by himself.
> It's a warning sign. There's an issue in your marriage. It relates to his sexual and emotional unsatisfaction.
> So that's the main and real problem in the marriage.
> You might want to create a profile as well, make yourself looks very attractive and date your husband. He might get jealous and surprised to see you on the dating site and ask you, "what the hell you're doing here?" So it's a copy cat strategy that made him understand how it feels like to see his own spouse looking for a date with other men. Anyway, he wanted to feel young, confident, the chemistry and excitement, when dating a new gf... As for my case,
> ...



I agree, but my husband didn't start until his brain injury - I've found that's not unusual. Depending on the damage, it can make someone lose their sexual interest or make them hyper-sexual. And it's not unusual in men that have suffered brain injuries to use this and porn to make them feel assured that they are still wanted and a "man." Especially if physical and ED issues are involved.

Once I learned this and worked it out with my counselor it became more of a non-issue, and, he hasn't been back out there - either that or he's better at hiding it!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Workingitout said:


> MarriedWifeInLove, I've been with my wife for 25 years, married for 16. My wife, who for 25 years was anti-cheating and "infidelity equals divorse" being her mantra for all of those 25 years, caried on an 11 month EA that culminated in a AP. She also has two sexual indiscressions as well. I remained faithful and never strayed. I also don't wish to engage in "revenge" sex. I am working on repairing my marriage.
> While I have a "thick skin", I think your characterizing "all men [as being] scumbags" is a bit out of line! I think my wife's behavior can be characterized as "scumbagish". I think you'll find alot of women cheaters whos behavior fits that description. Self-centered, inconsiderate, hurtful, deceitful....
> would be an accurate description of these "women"! :scratchhead:


Okay, mea culpa!

If you'll notice I said "I think all men (given the chance) are scumbags." I actually based this on my husband making the exact same comment to me while watching a TV show one night - he admitted that most, if not all men are scumbags, if given the chance - his example was a naked, hot woman laying right in front of them saying take me, take me - he said it would be hard, if not impossible for most, if not all men to just walk away.

So - perhaps I should change it to "most" and not "all." Or "some" and not "all." 

Also, perhaps my view of things is jaded based on what I've been through.

I'm sorry that your wife did not uphold her vows, and I'm impressed that you stood fast.

Unfortunately, I believe, and this is my belief only, that you are in the minority, not the majority.

I understand that women cheat too, but, I can guarantee you that if a hot, naked man was laying in front of me saying take me, take me, I could and would walk away, because just a naked man doesn't do it for most women. But men on the otherhand are more visual and well, you know.

Again, accept my mea culpa!


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Apologies accepted. I didn't take it personally and know that emotions run high with the subject matter and our reasons for being here. 

When the guys get together and have one of those "what if" discussions, the subject has come up that "what if a super hot woman stripped naked and begged you for sex and nobody would ever find out, would you?" My answer was always "no" as my conscience would eat at me. I always knew that I had great sex to come home to! Straying is a life long "wound" on a marriage that festers long after the orgasm is over. It was just never worth it for me. I wish my wife had shared the same clarity. Part of my "healing" is understanding that my values and thoughts are not necessarily shared by those around me, including my wife. Trying to understand why she did what she did will be a never-ending task.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Back to the original poster... you can either play the game suggested here (cute I might add) or stop talking about it and move on with your life. If you really want to stay with someone like this, play the dating game first and if it doesnt stop his addiction to the sites, move on bc it will clearly show you that he has no desire or ability to change and stop that behavior. In my wise old age, I would suggest jumping to the latter bc it already seems that he has proven to you that he doesnt want to stop going to those sites. However, it is your life and you get to choose


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