# A question for the men here 40+.



## DanaS (May 28, 2014)

I am a 43 year old woman married to the love of my life that is 28. I posted partly in a topic I started in the ladies forum so you can read that for more detail. 

My question is, have you found as you got older as far as physical attractiveness goes what you found most attractive has changed much since your 20s? Not that I am worried since my YM has always found older women most attractive and I work out and do my best to stay in shape and of course we have tons in common and go out and do lots of fun things together.

However, I am just curious if what you found attractive in a woman has changed much since getting older? Are you more or less willing to accept physical flaws? Fortunately my guy is a total leg man and I would say my legs are pretty good, he even said they look better than most girls his age. Not sure if he's exaggerating but I always keep them shaved, use coconut oil and have always done what I can to keep them in good shape. 

Would love to hear your responses!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It sounds like you are already doing the key thing, which is stay in shape. Maintain a healthy diet, avoid the sun, don't smoke, and drink moderately if at all, and your skin will stay youthful looking longer - and that's where most signs of aging occur.

What I find attractive hasn't changed much over the decades, but I'm much more willing to accept flaws that come with aging, and certainly the greater maturity and life experience is more appealing in older women than younger ones who lack it. What I'm not willing to accept is someone who has let themself go or hasn't taken care of themselves.


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## TheBaxter (May 19, 2014)

DanaS said:


> I am a 43 year old woman married to the love of my life that is 28. I posted partly in a topic I started in the ladies forum so you can read that for more detail.
> 
> My question is, have you found as you got older as far as physical attractiveness goes what you found most attractive has changed much since your 20s? Not that I am worried since my YM has always found older women most attractive and I work out and do my best to stay in shape and of course we have tons in common and go out and do lots of fun things together.
> 
> ...


I'm in my 50s and I date women in their mid thirties. I prefer women 15 years younger . I have tried dating women in their 40s but they all want younger men. Its a,strange world we live in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

I am a 60-year-old man married to the love of my life (37 years). To be honest, what I find unattractive is the focus on physical "flaws." Flaws? WTF? I do not like obsessing over weight, wrinkles, cellulite, age spots, blah blah. It's boring.

What is attractive is being comfortable with who you are.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I can't accept physical flaws. I require absolute perfection, as do all men.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

For me, it sort of works like this and always has; Younger women generally have rocking bodies, but don’t have the maturity or experience in life. They tend to still be idealistic as far as fantasy based relationships (it’s supposed to be like the movies). So there are more tantrums over the petty realities of life. Yet, there’s also a upshot to that too; They tend to play like little girls and have fun (not so serious all the time).

Older women rock me mentally. Life has tempered them enough to judge reality against real life instead of the fantasy. So most react like adults. And like adults, the expectations are also real, so after they shred me verbally for something, they don’t expect me to chase after them, through the rain, with the perfect gift they mentioned from their childhood that shows just how much I listen and care (like the movies). So if you are older… mentally you are mature and that’s hot. Just be able to let your hair down and play like a girl too. Add a rocking body and you are a triple threat.

And this is in general. There are plenty that don’t really fit this mold at all.

Edit; I should also mention my 'hot' standards for a 40 year old are much different than they would be for a 20 something. I expect some "mileage" and classic lines. It'd be a score down if it looks like you are trying to be 20...


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

as I age I find a much wider range of women attractive. And yes, as my wife ages, I am much more willing to accept physical flaws. A nice set of clothes or lingerie will hide a number of sins!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

He married you and I recommend you enjoy being with him and stop sweating this stuff.

As always be the best you can be, stay fit, stay attractive, and most of all stay confident.

When my wife has gained a few pounds but is confident she's still sexy.

When she's uber fit and not confident she's not.

Just the way it is.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Racer said:


> And like adults, the expectations are also real, so after they shred me verbally for something, *they don’t expect me to chase after them, through the rain, with the perfect gift they mentioned from their childhood that shows just how much I listen and care (like the movies)*.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Great post, Racer.


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## DanaS (May 28, 2014)

Racer said:


> For me, it sort of works like this and always has; Younger women generally have rocking bodies, but don’t have the maturity or experience in life. They tend to still be idealistic as far as fantasy based relationships (it’s supposed to be like the movies). So there are more tantrums over the petty realities of life. Yet, there’s also a upshot to that too; They tend to play like little girls and have fun (not so serious all the time).
> 
> *Older women rock me mentally. Life has tempered them enough to judge reality against real life instead of the fantasy. So most react like adults. And like adults, the expectations are also real, so after they shred me verbally for something, they don’t expect me to chase after them, through the rain, with the perfect gift they mentioned from their childhood that shows just how much I listen and care (like the movies). So if you are older… mentally you are mature and that’s hot. Just be able to let your hair down and play like a girl too. Add a rocking body and you are a triple threat.*
> 
> ...


I think for him that's part of it. He is a very intelligent and intellectual person. From the beginning he would strike up conversations and we would talk for hours about everything. He's the same now, he'll just come up to me and say he wants to talk about this or that and we always have the best intellectual conversations that are always really great. I have never known a man like this before, my ex would hardly talk about things at all and it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk.

I love how open and honest my husband is about it all. After 8 months his lease on his apt was up and I invited him to come live with me and he asked if I was sure about it and of course I was. Then before he moved in he was asking me how I wanted to split up the bills, how I thought it best to split up the chores and such, he is very proactive and one thing I really love about him. He never complains about doing the laundry or cooking or helping with home repairs etc. He always asks for my thoughts and opinions and it is SO nice!

He also told me while he has dated younger girls no one has mentally stimulated him or had the kind of discussions as I have. It took me awhile to feel comfortable dating a man so much younger but over time my worry faded. I used to worry he'd want a younger girl but men my age cheat with younger women (I personally know two that have) with younger women so it's not just a young man thing. 

As far as physically goes he always compliments me, saying I look nice and loves to cuddle and such. And I won't deny him being younger and working out he looks a lot better than lots of bald overweight men my age (no offense to other men here) so it definitely is a plus for me.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

The two deepest loves of my life (including my current wife) are about 4 -5 years older than me. 

I was also serious with a gal 17 years my junior who wanted to marry me.

My ex was 10 years younger.

mostly dated women 8-10 years younger in bachelor days.

But I chose the older ladies because they are every bit as beautiful as the younger ones


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. Conan and I have an 11 year split. I met her when I was 20 and am 43 now. What I found attractive almost 23 years ago is what I still find attractive today, her.

I fell in love with her then and I am still heart bound to her today.

She is in good shape but if it all fell apart, I would love her no matter what she looked like.


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## DanaS (May 28, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> It sounds like you are already doing the key thing, which is stay in shape. Maintain a healthy diet, avoid the sun, don't smoke, and drink moderately if at all, and your skin will stay youthful looking longer - and that's where most signs of aging occur.
> 
> What I find attractive hasn't changed much over the decades, but I'm much more willing to accept flaws that come with aging, and certainly the greater maturity and life experience is more appealing in older women than younger ones who lack it. What I'm not willing to accept is someone who has let themself go or hasn't taken care of themselves.


My husband and I eat lots of healthy food; lots of fruits and veggies and neither of us have smoked, done drugs or even drink. I have always stayed out of the sun when possible. I burn easily so I have avoided the sun as well as tanning. 

Funny thing is, and I am not trying to brag but when his friends found out he was dating an older woman they gave him some flack until they met me, then they quickly changed their minds lol. I am by no means a super model but I would say I look quite good for my age. I know that I am physically in better shape than lots of younger girls. In fact when my husband and I had been dating around 6 months we ran into one of his exes and she looked awful, especially her skin. My husband told me while they were dating she took up tanning but did it all the time and apparently still did because her skin was all orange and rubbery even my husband commented on it, and she was only 27!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

DanaS said:


> I am a 43 year old woman married to the love of my life that is 28. I posted partly in a topic I started in the ladies forum so you can read that for more detail.
> 
> My question is, have you found as you got older as far as physical attractiveness goes what you found most attractive has changed much since your 20s? Not that I am worried since my YM has always found older women most attractive and I work out and do my best to stay in shape and of course we have tons in common and go out and do lots of fun things together.
> 
> ...


My taste in women has evolved. People in their 20s look like children to me.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

I find many different women of all ages attractive. sure some of the younger ones look really good in shorts or a bikini, but the mature ones know how to be independent and how to figure things out for themselves some times, but mostly are just comfortable being in their own skin. they are not so busy trying to be somebody else, a super model,actress or athlete or something.

most of my turn offs are not physical, number one is smoking, no matter how hot they are, they are now off the screen, not even considered. the other ones are if they are ignorant a-holes and the ones that are proud idiots, or blissfully ignorant, you know they type, they are so happy they know nothing and not willing to work on anything to improve. these are not just for females, if I met a guy that I though would be a good friend, but he could not hold a conversation without talking about sports or "broads" then I am out of there. 

As I have aged (now 45) I have appreciated the same age group for the whole time, that is the ladies between the ages of 30-35. they are more mature, settled down, still have energy, take care of themselves and have a decent chance of having their own money and not blowing it on clothes and booze all the time. 

I have been with my wife for 25 years now so it is not like I am on the market, still nice to look around though.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

DanaS said:


> My husband and I eat lots of healthy food; lots of fruits and veggies and neither of us have smoked, done drugs or even drink. I have always stayed out of the sun when possible. I burn easily so I have avoided the sun as well as tanning.
> 
> Funny thing is, and I am not trying to brag but when his friends found out he was dating an older woman they gave him some flack until they met me, then they quickly changed their minds lol. I am by no means a super model but I would say I look quite good for my age. I know that I am physically in better shape than lots of younger girls. In fact when my husband and I had been dating around 6 months we ran into one of his exes and she looked awful, especially her skin. My husband told me while they were dating she took up tanning but did it all the time and apparently still did because her skin was all orange and rubbery even my husband commented on it, and she was only 27!


I'm not sure how much effect the being in the sun or drinking or any of that really has unless it's just overly excessive. I think your genes determine more than anything if you'll age well or not. Both my parents and my wife's parents looked young for their respective ages well into their 60s and I would expect similarly for my W and I.

At 44 or 45 years old, my W had the body of a 25 year old and even today, she still looks great in a bikini. She was commonly told that she looked like she was in her early 30s. She had what I called a "double take" body because when you saw her, you felt it necessary to look again.

What gives away someone's age is their mid section and their hairline, the second part for men obviously. If you look fit and trim, nobody will be able to guess if you're 43 or 35. I'm 52 and in better shape than 95% of the guys I know and see that are damned near half my age. It's ridiculous how fat and out of shape a lot of the younger generations are these days, and I should know because I've lived in a beach community for the past 11 years. You see a lot of skin here, which isn't always a good thing with the physiques of some of the younger generation, video-game playing crowd.

Honestly, I like the experience and confidence that women in their 40s have. There's no bullchit. They know what they want and what's realistic and have a more confident way about them. And it certainly doesn't hurt my feelings any if they can still rock it in a bikini. As Entropy said a few posts up, I also see girls in their 20s and think of them as children. Then again, my daughter is 26 so perhaps they are.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mostlycontent said:


> It's ridiculous how fat and out of shape a lot of the younger generations are these days


:iagree:


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## DanaS (May 28, 2014)

Mostlycontent said:


> I'm not sure how much effect the being in the sun or drinking or any of that really has unless it's just overly excessive. I think your genes determine more than anything if you'll age well or not. Both my parents and my wife's parents looked young for their respective ages well into their 60s and I would expect similarly for my W and I.
> 
> At 44 or 45 years old, my W had the body of a 25 year old and even today, she still looks great in a bikini. She was commonly told that she looked like she was in her early 30s. She had what I called a "double take" body because when you saw her, you felt it necessary to look again.
> 
> ...


I know what you mean. My mother is in her 60s and she looks great, so I have little doubt genes play a lot in it. I am also amazed when I go to the beach (and I do wear a bikini) and see so many out of shape young men/women. Makes me glad my husband at 28 works out, eats healthy etc. 

As far as viewing girls in their 20s as children even my husband says the same. He has told me many times all of the annoying habits/mannerisms etc. girls have and tells me he's glad I don't act like that. In fact a few weeks ago we stopped to eat at a restaurant and these 3 girls came in, looked to be around mid-late 20s and they sat at a table next to us and were SO annoying, high-pitched voices, constantly giggling, acting super hyper and cursing like sailors to boot. My husband grabbed my hand, gave me a kiss and said "I am so thankful you're not like other girls". Ahhh  

One thing I always found interesting was that when we were dating he always referred to me as his "ladyfriend" rather than "girlfriend". I asked him why and he said "Because I have dealt with enough girls, now I have a lady". Heh, he's always been so mature and sweet!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Strangely I've observed that on average nuns seem to look much younger than their years. 

Could it be having to deal with men ages women more quickly? :scratchhead:


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Strangely I've observed that on average nuns seem to look much younger than their years.
> 
> Could it be having to deal with men ages women more quickly? :scratchhead:


Nah, it's their good Habits! And most don't drink, smoke, or tan.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What makes a woman attractive? Willingness in the kitchen and eagerness in the bedroom. Men are the simplest of all creatures. Belly full, testicles empty and we're happy. An eager 46 year old in the rack trumps a disinterested 20 year old any day.


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Just keep doing what you are doing, keep track of yourself by working out etc but don't be obsessive. Don't point out your flaws. Just be happy knowing your doing all you can with diet and exercise.
Then be yourself.

And be sexy. Intellectual stimulation is sexy. Meeting his needs on a consistent basis is sexy. Asking him to meet yours is sexy. Keep all those things up and there is no reason things will not work out.

Oh and read "his needs her needs" right out of the box and read it together. If you know what each other's needs are and strive to meet those consistently there is not much more either of you could ask for.


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## Pufferfish (Sep 25, 2013)

DanaS said:


> My question is, have you found as you got older as far as physical attractiveness goes what you found most attractive has changed much since your 20s?


I'm 43 this year and I married two years ago. My missus is 29. So my situation is similar to yours but the other way around I guess. My wife is the first woman I dated who was "A lot younger than my age bracket". 

The short answer to your question is what I found attractive never really changed since my 20s. 

This was my experience. 

When I was in my 20's, I was cursed with boyish looks. I would walk into a bar and I wouldn't be served or get asked for ID. I was never attracted to the young cheerleader type because of their attitude and the drama they all seemed to attract - No offense to anyone. They also wanted older guys so the fact I looked like I was 14 didn't help. 

Older women wouldn't even look at me, let alone consider me an option. When I was 25, I was looking at dating in the 25-35 bracket because they generally knew what they wanted and they were more sensible. Lean times they were. I tried growing facial hair at one point but that just made me look like a boy trying to look older. I hit the gym but that changed everything except my face. :scratchhead:

Things didn't really change until I hit 35 when then the laugh lines, little crows feet and the odd grey hair started poking out. Older women finally noticed me and my dating pool exploded. I dated women between 31 to 41. I never focused on the physical "Flaws" because considered them part of the package. But in the end, it was my wife who had the winning personality. She knows how to interact with others and doesn't treat the home like a hotel. 

You are a good catch and your husband knows it.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

My "type" has always been small breasted, leggy and curly long hair. To this day that will stop me in my tracks (41 y.o.). Kate Hudson could convince me to do unspeakable things. 

As I've gotten older I've opened my eyes and expanded my horizons a bit. I'll see a buxom curvy girl and think "looks like fun" if she's put together well. I've learned to appreciate beauty in women for what they are, instead of what they aren't.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

Yes.
50 here. As I have gotten older what attracts my desire has broadened as well. I suppose it's not so much about the flawless 20 something nymph anymore as it is about the passion, confidence and lack of inhibition women acquire with age.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Well I will turn 40 this year so will answer. My tastes in women haven't really changed. I like women who are In shape and take care of themselves first...age is a distant second. A few women I met had some kids and then gave up entirely. "Well just is what it is now". Umm no thanks. I work hard to stay and shape, eat right, and take care of myself. Expect the same from my partner no matter how many kids they had. Women who use the had kids thing as excuse aren't my type anyway.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Younger women may be seen by some men as a set of scores - that's because younger people have not figured out the art of packaging.

More mature women generally have figured out the packaging part. Most of my wife's female friends, ages 45-60 look extremely good or at least make a concerned effort to look good. 

It's the overall package that matters. One of her friends is probably 60 by now and we have known her for 20 years. She is the real thing, and looks it. It helps that one of her sons is a top cosmetic surgeon  but she is amazing. Super educated, professional, mom, wife...

And men's tastes have not changed. She always gets complemented heavily and deserves every bit of it. Her husband looks like Yoda from Star Wars tho... Takes her for granted a bit but she gets enough attention and Yoda is ok with it...


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

I am in my late 40's now and I see lots of women various ages and sizes that are appealing to me.

My tastes have changed over the years or should I say expanded like many other men here, and while the younger ones in their 20's may look good physically there is so much more I would need in a woman than just physical appearance.
Point of view, humor, confidence, shared interests and life experiences all need to be part of the package, you simply can't be naked all the time(pity I know maybe once all the kids move out) and what am I going to do the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of my day.

Let me put it this way women are like restaurants there is usually something on the menu that you will like(face,boobs, butt, legs, personality, confidence etc.) no matter the age, size, race or blood type.


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

> what you found attractive in a woman has changed much since getting older?


My answer is both Yes and No.

*Yes* it has changed because I am not the least bit attracted to the 20yo hotties. My age preference for females has tracked right along with my age (almost 50 now). So at the bagel shop my eyes go right past the 30 year old gal to her 55 year old (but still ultra fit) mother. Maybe I have a Granny fetish or something but I would take Helen Mirren (smokin hot at 67!!!) over most of the 30-somethings in hollywood.

*No* my taste in a certain female "type" is the exact same as always. Darker hair, athletic, physically fit, modest dress, minimal makeup/jewelry.

Many people confuse getting _older_ with getting _fatter_. Sorry but _fat_ is unattractive to me at any age. It is entirely possible to be slim and sexy well into old age and I find THAT to be very attractive.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

DanaS said:


> I am a 43 year old woman married to the love of my life that is 28. I posted partly in a topic I started in the ladies forum so you can read that for more detail.
> 
> My question is, have you found as you got older as far as physical attractiveness goes what you found most attractive has changed much since your 20s? Not that I am worried since my YM has always found older women most attractive and I work out and do my best to stay in shape and of course we have tons in common and go out and do lots of fun things together.
> 
> ...


Nope unfortunately they have not..............beautiful is still beautiful. I don't go around gawking at 65yr olds there will never be a time where older is prettier than younger. Anomolies exist, of course, but we all age and it's inevitable ;( diaper bags and dementia here we come.

Enjoy it while it lasts.


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## ElCanario (Nov 11, 2013)

I can only say that a while back I was walking in a shopping mall in Puerto Rico and I saw a 50something woman with her 20something daughter, and I found the mom so much more attractive than the daughter. I have found that over the past decade or so, more often than not I find myself looking at women in their 40s and older much more often than those in the 20s and 30s.

Even back when I was in grad school in my mid 30s at a place with some of the most beautiful human beings on Earth, I would look at some of the stunning undergrads and just think of them more as children than objects of lust. I do remember meeting a woman in her 50s who was just spectacular though. Or maybe I've always had a thing for older women.

I'm 51 now.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I would say that I am still attracted to what I have always been attracted to which is women who work at keeping themselves in shape physically, mentally, emotionally. 

As far as flaws go it depends on what they are and their nature. What's even more unattractive is when they are used as an excuse.

I knew this woman who was recently divorced, two kids, and even though her youngest was 7 she still had on what she called "pregnancy weight". I saw pictures of her younger and she was gorgeous but she let herself go. When she dated she started to complain that men only wanted hot women in their 20's and that only a real man would not care about her excess weight and stretch marks because she was a mother first. Course none of these guys were the father of the kids they just had to accept it  

I have been with women who had kids who look fantastic, my Gf and unfortunately my x wife being two of them. Little flaws aren't the issue if you work on fixing the big ones in my opinion


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Undergrads are not objects of lust. Interns are :rofl:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Its interesting but the age I find most attractive has mostly followed my own age. My wife does not appear to have aged at all - pretty unlikely in 30 years, but that is what I honestly see.

Young women are attractive in an abstract sort of way, but they seem too much like children to be sexually attractive.


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## ElCanario (Nov 11, 2013)

john117 said:


> Undergrads are not objects of lust. Interns are :rofl:


Depends on your perspective.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ElCanario said:


> Depends on your perspective.


When I was 18-20 a sexy 30-40 years old who was confident, SECURE and well put together was a cauldron of lust to me.

After going through the things that brought me to TAM some of the "all that glitters is not gold" women aren't as attractive to me anymore, because I look at motive.

I guess I need to shake my head of the punch drunk suffered from my knockout and think like a young man and be lusting after almost anything with legs, some much more than others. 

Maybe that's the answer.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I am 32 and I find women in the 50's attractives, the key point is staying on shape, and it seems you are doing it, also use a suncream I was talking to a manger in their 50's (one of the women I mention) whose skin and face look younger that some women in their 40's, she say that she have been using suncream since she was in her early 20's


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

When I was in my mid 20's, I was into older women, 40's...mid 40's was perfect...and that attraction NEVER went away, I just caught up to it

for me it was the whole package
the wisdom and life experience was huge to me...and physically found them more attractive, more comfortable in their own sexuality and body, more self aware...to me women in their 20's and many in their 30's were just LOST sexually, didnt know their own bodies, and were completely self unaware LOL

that said...I had a 45 year old friend with benifits, whenever we were single, wed hook up...I was 22, she was 45...I got married and we stayed in touch...I will say when she hit 50, I lost all attraction to her...it wasnt so much her looks or her body, I think it was her diminished libido changed a lot of who she was, as we werent sleeping together at that particular time

talking to buddies back in the day who liked older women, AND to coworkers in their 20's who chase the 40 something tail...one of them said something that summed it up...when your young, older women have a very short shelf life


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I have to agree with missthelove2013. I also believe that the attraction wears off over time. Someone who is 45 with a 25 year old will look much different 20 years from now when they are 65 and the other is now 45. I think at the moment the attraction is there no doubt, but think of the situation 20-25 years from now, its a different story then.


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