# confused and need advice



## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

Thank you to all who read and respond to my post. I know I will get some criticism here but..here goes. My husband and I have had problems in our marriage for quite some time now, even separated for a short time last year but are now back together. We really want to make it work but there is a lot of hurt and anger between us (too much to go into).
I have noticed a lot of changes in him over the past 6 months or so, what I and most would consider "signs of cheating." Things like changing his appearance - working out, new clothes, etc. Also changes somewhat in his personality. (that one is hard to explain, but I know him well, so I notice). I talked with him about how I was feeling and of course he denied any cheating and says what he is doing is only for me and himself.
I decided to see what would happen if he were presented with the situation, so I decided to pose as another woman. I sent him a text simply saying hello, watcha doing, then sorry I have the wrong number. He responded with asking if I were female and said he would like to be friends. The next day he continued texting and even sent a picture of himself. I was actually shocked but decided to keep playing to see what he would do. After a few texts he was wanting to meet.
I later confronted him (not admitting the texts were from me). He denied any wrong doing, saying he thought it was me trying to trick him so he played along. He said he would stop talking to "her", but he hasnt.
There are definitely trust issues here (between us both). Counseling is not an option for us, we simply cant afford it.
Can someone please give me your opinion? Should I pull phone records and confront him again or just let it go and see what happens? I am very hurt and confused. I just dont know what to do!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

What do you think is cheaper mc or divorce?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

its not about what is cheaper. I cant afford either right now. I need opinions on whether or not I should confront him and what to do about it. Does it sound like he really is trying to cheat? What might be going on in his mind? really need some advice here.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

He maybe open to cheating, or he maybe doing the 180. How is your sex life? Do you initate often? Do you stroke his ego? Do you givehim random hugs and kisses? Do you make him feel needed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

sex life is great and yes I do all of those things and he does the same for me thats why this is so surprising and confusing. What do u mean by the 180?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

katie13 said:


> sex life is great and yes I do all of those things and he does the same for me thats why this is so surprising and confusing. What do u mean by the 180?


The 180 as I understand it is to get in shape and raise your sex rank to or above your spouse in order to be more appealling to.your spouse. But more importantly it is used to improve your self, so that you can stand on your own wothout codependency. I have probably butchered this, but you can do a search here at TAM for more and probably better info. I hope everything works out for both of you. If youthink he maybe cheating, dont act suspicious. Go to.the CWI section. There are a lot of experinced and helpful people there
Best wishes Thound.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Trust is the issue here. You either trust him, or you don't. If you trust him, believe him. But ask yourself, does his story make sense? What if the roles were reversed? If you don't trust him, what are you going to do about it?


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Trust your gut on this. 

A cheater is not going to come out and admit it just because you asked him. They engage in massive doses of denial, rationalization, and blame shifting.

Put your post over on the general forum or coping with infidelity and you will get a lot more responses.


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

so if I copy and paste this in a different forum will I get kicked off? Isnt it against the rules?


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

katie13 said:


> so if I copy and paste this in a different forum will I get kicked off? Isnt it against the rules?


I understand threads can be moved if you ask a mod. 

It seems to me you could start another thread in CWI or general restating your dilemma. I would change your thread title "Is he cheating?" or something like that to indicate the content.

But I do not speak with authority; I just think it would be really petty to boot a member for something so harmless and trivial and I presume the mods exercise common sense about rule enforcement.


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