# Married the same man twice 'I want out'



## keke1 (Dec 26, 2010)

Hello All,

I just wanted to let out what I am going through....it seems like I am the only one with this issue...if there is anyone that has been through this please help with how you made it put. Here we go!

I divorced my husband Jan 2010 irreconcilible differences....we was together 15yrs married 10......We argued and fought all of those years back and forth me asking him to leave...me letting him come back then we would just go through the routine again he was not an abuser nothing like that we would just argue and fight about everything. We separated from our marrigae once in 2004 felt so free I love learning me then in 2006 we got back together I hated it I had lost my independence.....so we get back together things was fine for a minute then the same routine back to the arguing and fighting then I asked him to leave again in sept 2008 I was determined I wasn't going back I divorced him in Jan 2010....yay i was free!!!! then he came back around begging and pleading so we went thru pre martial class at our church where we both learned our foughts but I also learned I didn't want to be married again....but he begged and pleaded with me to marry him again...against my friends and family warnings I did....I hate it I hate it....Now my husband is a good guy he really does love me and would do anything to keep us together this time and he really has changed but I am not in love with him see I only married him because he is so in love with me and we have a 14yr old son together and my son adores him.....my husband was so unstable I was scared he would leave town or something to try and get over me and my son would suffer the lose of his dad so I married him again...I have been so depressed lately we got married thanksgiving weekend and I have cried so much because I want out of this...I have accomplished so muc since we was apart and I feel I am losing everything I built since we divorced, friends, family, church, I just hate being married to him....I don't want to be married at all I hate it....Most women would love to be married but not me after years of fighting and aruguing I just want to be alone to raise my kids.....see I have 3 other children whom he treated so bad in the beginning and that is why we fought so much he wanted me to choose him over them but now he is changed and wants us to be a family. I dont want to....the funny thing is the reason I left was because of my 3 kids and now the reason I came back was because our our sone together....I just want out and my life back....but I am so scared the affects this will have on my son....

Any advice for me!!!!!


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

keke1 said:


> Hello All,
> 
> I just wanted to let out what I am going through....it seems like I am the only one with this issue...if there is anyone that has been through this please help with how you made it put. Here we go!
> 
> ...


The happier the parent, the more well-adjusted and happy the kid will be.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi we all make mistakes for many reasons , but your post says hate it hate it , want out , want out , so get out get out , you have answered your own question . Why make things more complicated if you are so sure it's not what you want ,you have a right to be happy good luck:lol:


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## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

Okay so your options are stay or go, but really what does that mean?? If you go, I don't think anyone could blame you, you have obviously given it a try. If you are really sure that you can't be happy in that relationship, then staying will not only make you unhappy but also your children and your husband. Misery is infectious! However.....

As you said "he really has changed".. Have you??? Could it be that you still deep down inside have not forgiven him for the past and is it possible that because of that, you are unable to see any future happiness with him? 

Maybe, what is needed is not a hurried decision, but just allowing yourself to get used to the idea that things can be different and that you can still live a happy and idependant life, despite being in a marriage. 

My suggestion to you is to seek some individual counselling to allow yourself time and a safe space to sort through how you are feeling. Later down the track it might also be a good idea to do a few sessions of marriage counselling together just to update each other with where you're both at, keep the communication going and discuss any potential outcomes of you individual counselling...

That way if you have bad news for him, you can share it in a supported environment and if it's all good, you can sort out any teething trouble etc.

If you decide to stay, you need to make a deal with yourself to make the best of it and that means entertaining the idea that if you really work at it, I mean REALLY work at it and be patient with yourself and him, it may actually work. I think in that case a very deliberate and conscious decision needs to be made to stick it out and have it in your mind that it WILL work out and you WILL be happy, and try to avoid negative thoughts such "I just don't think it will work". 

Having said all that, I know that it's not an easy decision and the consequences of any decision you make will not be easy either. I truly wish you all the best and hope that you can get to a place where you are all happy.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

:iagree:


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Open marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Keke - don't give up yet. You married him again because you do love him or there is no way in hell you would have taken that step. What you have not done though is to forgive him. That's the next step. 

It is difficult to forgive really deeply forgive and reestablish a connection. But not forgiving is standing in the way of you both have a fulfilling relationship with this man who loves you. Think the reason you feel that you cannot be yourself is because you have not fully expressed the pain that his rejection of your children and the other issues have caused you. 

Having keep those emotions bottled up because you think you should be over it all is blocking your expression of emotions for him. 

You need to hear that he understands the pain and can feel it with you. I got a book through ibooks app on my ipad the title is "how can i forgive you" by j. Abraham - Singer. It is the best book I have ever read on forgiveness.

After all you have both been through why not work a little bit more and concentrate on forgiveness and real reconciliation. It is so difficult to find true love, don't you think that is what you have? When I read your post I get the sense that you do love him but the energy of trying to forget the past overwhelms you. Do you think that is the case? 

If you were able to both work on his atoning for his contribution to the problems in a way that elicits your forgiveness do you think you could have a happy marriage?.


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## keke1 (Dec 26, 2010)

Hello All,

Thank you all for your advice and comments....

I have forgiven him for everything we was seperated 2 years before I married him again...I dealt with all of that through the pre maritial counseling we had...at that time I knew I didn't want to marry him again but I allowed his emotions and my son's emotions sway me and I regret it...

Since I was last on here I told him and then I told our son....My son actually was like ok mom it's going to be akward but it's ok...and he doesn't like the fact of having 2homes but he said mom its ok...wow all of this time I was so worried about him and how he would take it this time around he is so mature (14yrs old)...

For me I am so happy I decided to end it I couldn't take it any more and I didn't want to end up hating my husband...I care for him but not the way a wife loves a husband and he knows that...is he hurt yes....but with time we both will heal and be at a better place in life...

Thank you all....I am so at peace!


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