# No Cooking = No Love?



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

This subject caught my attention in another thread.

And I must say it got me thinking. If this is the case, I have never been with a woman who loved me. 

I'm actually more wondering if this perception is cultural, or even regional.

My ex was never taught to cook. My ex whom I dated for six years prior to meeting my ex-wife cooked for me a handful of times. My current girlfriend, doesn't cook. I know for a fact that in the marriages of several of my friends, their wives don't prepare full meals. Takeout is the norm. Not a one of my teenage nieces has any knowledge or desire to learn how to cook if it doesn't go in a microwave.

I will qualify 'doesn't cook'. 

I'm fearless in the kitchen. I know what temps poultry, beef, pork should be cooked at, and cooked to. I know how to time cooking events so that everything is done at the same time. I know sauteing, from frying from braising from poaching roasting, broiling or baking. I know spices. I have a solid idea of what I like, what spices work under what conditions with what dishes. I know how to carve a turkey (funny people are amazed by this talent) I know to slice London Broil or brisket at an angle. I know Marinara from Bolognese. And importantly ... I clean as I go.

Cooking to most of the women I referred to, is a chore. I don't know if anyone taught them. Cooking in my marriage was 80/20. My ex was terrified of, and loathed cooking - because it was a task upon which she would be judged. And she feared being judged poorly.

I learned to cook from my dad, and watching my mom. My parents split when I was 15 - mom did all the cooking, but by all accounts including my mothers - it was my dad that taught her.

I thoroughly enjoy cooking. For me personally, cooking is indeed something deeply personal that I can do for, and share with, those that I care about. To me, as I thought about it ... cooking is intimacy.

Many of the women I referred to, simply do not share this view at all. Only two women I know share the same thinking as myself, my mother, and my kid's godmother, who is from Germany. With them, there is no doubt in my mind that cooking is an expression of joy and caring.

But I suppose you can't express yourself in a language you haven't learned.

I'm also curious if lack of desire and lack of knowledge go hand in hand with the norm of dual income families particularly in the States.

I have to say, I was relatively horrified the first time I opened my girlfriend's fridge. Freezer was full of 'heatable eatables'. Apparently her ex did most of the cooking in their marriage as well.

My presumption is that this occurrence is primarily Western, and borne in part out of the notion that many women have been firmly conditioned that their place _isn't_ in the kitchen, but instead the office or boardroom. Don't know how to describe it other than it feels almost like a mini backlash. 

So? Does your wife cook? Do you cook? And if she does or doesn't, do you think that has any impact, positive or negative on how you conduct your relationship?


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

I can cook and so can my mum ... but in this relationship I am working full time and WAS doing the cleaning , cooking, washing , ironing and shopping also looking after my horse before and after work , so how much time is left for me to actually ride my horse that I have had for 10 years none , so needless to say as he doesn't work much at the moment , I have thrown some of this into his lap and have stopped being a dogs body, I dont feel like cooking when i come home from work knowing he has been at home all day , I have always been a giver but now i have withdrawn , I cook only a few times a week now as I work late shifts so am not there .


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

If I had a man who worked and provided properly i would happily cook for him everynight .


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Cooking is just a life skill. I don't believe cooking = love, but some efforts at cooking do show love and affection.

Personally I just find the inability of a woman to cook a attraction reducing thing. I have less interest in her and I can do better. It's like smoking.

The girls that can't get a meal on the table without a cell phone are utterly worthless as wives imho. They ususal can't do anything around the house and it's do it all yourself or live in squalor. It's doubled annoying when they announce they want to be a SAHM!!!!

So like I say, it's just a life skill. It's vastly easier to clean a house with two people.

Also it's sexy and fun to cook together in the kitchen.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm... I enjoy cooking (and baking, even more). But only on occasion. If it comes down to me being single again, I suspect I'll survive by having a stock of quick and dirty meals (chicken breast, rice, veggies) that I can make in 30 minutes or less, and likely that I make in bulk and freeze for later. I just can't be bothered on a day-to-day basis. Plus my baking is typically high calorie, so it's more suited for special occasions anyway.

My wife, on the other hand, prepares most of the food currently. But much of it is pre-packaged. For example, spaghetti sauce, soups, etc. I must confess that it drives me a little bonkers... Especially now, when she's not working outside the home, the kids are in school all day, and she claims to be all about the family and home... But she makes KD and hot dogs for supper? Not seeing how that jives. So yes, it has a negative impact. And she CAN cook, when she wants to. It's not a lack of knowledge that's holding her back. Nor should it be a fear of rejection/judgement... I've observed the kids and myself complimenting her when she does make something, or when I make something I get compliments.

C


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I love to cook and bake. When I was single and working to support my kids and myself, I didn't get to cook or bake nearly as much as I like, because by the time I got off work, helped the kids with homework, cleaned house, etc., there wasn't really time to cook a good, healthy meal. Now that my boyfriend is the income, and I stay at home with the kids, I have more time to cook and bake, and I take advantage of it. 

I do not necessarily think of it as being equal to love, or as a way of showing love. I mean, I do bake for my boyfriend, things for him to take with him on the road, so that he has, at least temporarily, things to eat that are a bit more healthy. And I suppose I do that out of love, but I don't think it would be an indication that I love him any less if I didn't do that. 

I love to cook, and I love to bake. I would do these things whether I had a man or kids or not. I would do them just for myself, because I find them enjoyable and relaxing. If it makes my kids or my boyfriend feel more loved that I do this, then that's just a bonus. 

I do not understand how ANYONE, male or female, can not learn how to cook these days. Prepackaged, processed foods can be so unhealthy, and fast food is even worse. Maybe it's just me, but I intend to make sure that both of my sons know how to cook, and can easily plan, prepare and clean up after a healthy, delicious meal. I'm not going to do this so they can marry a girl who doesn't cook, or so that they can impress a girl with their kitchen prowess, but so that my sons will capable of nourishing themselves without resorting to Hamburger Helper or McDonalds...those are fine for every now and then, but not all the time.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Food is a source of oral pleasure.

The women who bypass this easy path to pleasing a man should think of other ways to do it.

No one will complain if they're successful.


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

I love to cook when I have time and energy to do it.
My Dad was chef and I worked in several fine dining retaurants as a cook before my current career took off. My husband is also a chef- in fact we met over a broiler 12 years ago.

He cooks 70% of the time...mostly because he gets off work 2-3 hours before me. I'll admit he is better at it than me- to a point since my skills haven't been utilized in several years, my techniques can sometimes be a bit off.

I am sure he'd like it more if I cooked more, but honesly during the work week, if he is hungry by 6:30 Pm and I don't get off work until 6, it just makes more sense for him to cook, and when I do cook on the week nights it is often something quick and simple - spagetti or soup and sandwich. On the weekends I try and have something planned for him so that he can take a break from cooking.
I am not sure if cooking = love, but anticipating the needs of your spouse does equal love.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife and I both love to cook because we love to eat!!
Restaurant food and heat-n-eat crap doesn't cut it. We both have our specialties and make them for the other when asked. I truly enjoy being in the kitchen and creating something delicious. But I get the most satisfaction when my wife's eyes roll back in her head and she tells me how good it is. So in a way, for my wife and I, cooking for each other is an expression of love.
We both joke that it's a wonder that we don't weigh 400lbs each.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I don't think the two go hand in hand. Some people like to cook, others don't.
I agree with Athol, cooking together is alot of fun and should be done often.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Atholk said:


> The girls that can't get a meal on the table without a cell phone are utterly worthless as wives imho. They ususal can't do anything around the house and it's do it all yourself or live in squalor. It's doubled annoying when they announce they want to be a SAHM!!!!
> 
> So like I say, it's just a life skill. It's vastly easier to clean a house with two people.
> 
> Also it's sexy and fun to cook together in the kitchen.


Gotta agree that it's infuriating that there is a partner who is home, but chooses not to prepare a meal for the family.

It played a big role in my relationship - and I would expect the same for a working woman and stay at home man. The only thing that chaffed my a$$ more than coming home from work and seeing no effort on her part around the house or in the kitchen, was then to hear "I'm tired" when we ended up in the bedroom that night. She was more like a bad tenant than a wife.

For the record, the poster who prompted this thread appears to hold the belief that a woman who chooses not to cook for her husband or family - is fundamentally unhappy in her marriage. Like not cooking is a form of role rejection and subtle rebellion.

From my perspective, there are way bigger benchmarks for the health of your relationship other than who does the food prep.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife can but doesn't enjoy it so she generally doesn't. I'm not anything special with a spoon but I don't enjoy starvation so I cook. With microwave ovens and instant this or that, a chimpanzee could make a decent meal these days. When she does cook, it's always something good and I always appreciate her effort. She made a killer chocolate pie yesterday.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Deejo,

>>The only thing that chaffed my a$$ more than coming home from work and seeing no effort on her part around the house or in the kitchen, was then to hear "I'm tired" when we ended up in the bedroom that night<<

Hence, my comment above.

Food becomes a bigger issue at my house when "other things" start to misfire.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Conrad said:


> Hence, my comment above.
> 
> Food becomes a bigger issue at my house when "other things" start to misfire.


Absolutely agree with this.



Pandakiss said:


> so cooking=love at least it says, hey good buddy:toast:


Absolutely agree with this too 

It's an easy way to acknowledge value, appreciation, love.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Deejo,
Your explanation of your W's view of cooking is incredible. I actually think you know my W as I believe her view/emotions surrounding cooking are identical to what you described. 

I am fearless as you in the kitchen but less skilled. Still I like it. It is fun to create.




Deejo said:


> This subject caught my attention in another thread.
> 
> And I must say it got me thinking. If this is the case, I have never been with a woman who loved me.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Atholk,
My W offered to cook me a nice breakfast this morning. I am currently eating an excellent vegetable omlette (made exactly to my specs) with my toasted english muffin and tea. 

This is clearly part of her ongoing postwar reparations program. 




Atholk said:


> Cooking is just a life skill. I don't believe cooking = love, but some efforts at cooking do show love and affection.
> 
> Personally I just find the inability of a woman to cook a attraction reducing thing. I have less interest in her and I can do better. It's like smoking.
> 
> ...


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

My wife loved to cook, the kitchen was her number one place in the home. It’s where we all gathered. She wouldn’t even have a dishwasher. I bought one once, it got used probably two or three times. I was well and truly blessed with cooking and baking. In all the years we were together probably about .000001% frozen or take away meals. And she worked full time. Always fresh ingredients and always freshly cooked. 

I go back to England every 18 months or so. Last time there I was kind of shocked in a supermarket when I saw row upon row of chillers with microwave meals in them. In the supermarkets here in Portugal there’s one little freezer with microwave meals in them. Almost without exception the women here will cook meals from fresh ingredients. My neighbours a fantastic cook, best restaurant in Europe, he taught his wife to cook. The expectation here is that the husband gets a cooked meal lunchtime and in the evening. The meat, fruit and veg is all local grown and as near to organic as it gets. It’s a fabulous way to live.

I stay with my son and his girlfriend when I go back. They both enjoy cooking but their work life is such that they’re out early and back late and it’s microwave or takeaways most of the time. It is so expensive to eat that way. It’s a sign of the times.

I’m sure cooking does equal love a lot of the time.

Bob


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

I feel like No Cooking = No Love but maybe for a diff reason, our 20 yr old daughter has moved back home with us and all her and my wife will eat are fast food and quickfix stuff from the fridge or pantry. 

I cook everything up fresh and they keep choosing this stuff over mine  I do love the fact that I can eat most of it myself during the week  but I'm trying to get healthier food into them, to no avail.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

chefmaster said:


> I feel like No Cooking = No Love but maybe for a diff reason, our 20 yr old daughter has moved back home with us and all her and my wife will eat are fast food and quickfix stuff from the fridge or pantry.
> 
> I cook everything up fresh and they keep choosing this stuff over mine  I do love the fact that I can eat most of it myself during the week  but I'm trying to get healthier food into them, to no avail.


You could try frightening them with dementia and Alzheimer’s in their later years. Both are on the up and up in England. Out of 45,000,000 people 800,000 have dementia. Best to get some videos … and show them what’s in store for them. It’s heartbreaking to witness in people in their later years and lifestyle certainly has it’s effects. Preservatives, colourings etc. etc. and no fresh vitamins and minerals.

In England one of Tescos’ supermarket’s claim to fame is they can store an orange for 12 months before putting it on display. An orange is supposed to have around 150 mg vit C. None in Tescos’ oranges and they don’t even taste good. Can only get an orange here 4 months of the year, it’s all seasonal stuff.

Bob


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

I have tried a few health related speeches but nothing that extreme...yet.

Sounds like we could play a game of softball with those oranges :rofl:


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

chefmaster said:


> I have tried a few health related speeches but nothing that extreme...yet.
> 
> Sounds like we could play a game of softball with those oranges :rofl:


That would be baseball or cricket. :sleeping:

It ain't extreme. It's real. Believe me I know.

Bob


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

My wife is a gourmet cook. Never uses recipes or measuring spoons/cups. Tastes something in the restaraunt that we like and add it to the menu. I was a chef in college, but she doesn't like me to use her equipment. She jokingly claims that my use of her expensive cookware is like an insult. Still, I cook on the nights she works using my own cookware, because she is exhausted.

A few years ago, I began watching her and writing down her recipes because she finds it hard to teach our daughters. Because her BPD seems to be gender biased, I teach my son.

Interestingly, I grew up on prepackaged food. She absolutely will not allow frozen or prepackaged in her pantry. Since we sometimes vacation separately, I tried a box dinner one night while she was out of the country and had to go to the emergency room.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

My wife, even as a teenager was a keen study to her grandmother's secrets recipes and love of cooking and baking.

ANd since we married young, needless to say, my own cooking "skills", they are lacking, reserved for simple breakfast preparations or simple outdoor grilling.

Even this past Thanksgiving, the spread put on by my wife (and daughter), it was nothing less than the Norman Rockwell painting. ANd she does this with joy, and seeming little effort.

The big picture, she is very much into the organic and natural and health aspects of foods as well, preferring to cook at home often from mostly "scratch", and abhoring fast food and even restaurant chains when we do eat out, prefering smaller independent family owned restaurants where mostly we know the owners.

All this, from her own admission, from a desire to take care of the health and happiness of her family. It is her joy and pleasure, and of course mine as well!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> My wife, even as a teenager was a keen study to her grandmother's secrets recipes and love of cooking and baking.
> 
> ANd since we married young, needless to say, my own cooking "skills", they are lacking, reserved for simple breakfast preparations or simple outdoor grilling.
> 
> ...


It is a true blessing BBW.

Bob


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

AFEH said:


> It is a true blessing BBW.
> 
> Bob


Indeed!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Personally, I do not have a "Passion" for cooking the way some women do, collecting cookbooks & visiting Cooking shows, this bores me to tears -to the point of falling asleep if I am in a crowd of women & this becomes the topic of discussion. 

But having a family of 8 to feed (+ hostessing 3 Holidays every year for his side of the family), I realize my role & being as frugal as I am, I have always made the majority of our meals & baking "from scratch". It is simply too expensive to buy prepared foods or frozen boxed items. These are only allowed with coupons + Buy one Get one free deals. I am a very particular shopper. 

I am known for my pies, especially the freshly picked, from our back yard , black rasberry pies. 

I will admit back in the day, when I basically took my sweet husband for granted (and he let me - never complaining), I rarely got up in the morning to cook him breakfast- but did if I was up for the kids, it was always about the kids then, Always cooked their breakfast. But let the husband fend for himself. I did usually pack him a lunch, but threw any old thing in there , not really considering if it was healthy or not, just to fill the bucket. 

But there has been a CHANGE.... The guys at my husbands work place noticed it 1st , seeing how my husband's packed lunches changed . Ever since I have been sexually pursuing my husband like mad, guess what, I now get up every morning to cook his breakfast, I CARE what I pack in his lunch, I care about his health more, about our health. I even buy more expensive items -just to keep us healthy. Because I care about him .

Yes - Cooking and what us women do with it - I do think is expresses LOVE.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My mother didn't teach me or my sister to cook. My sister learned to cook after she got married. 

For more than twenty years, I was at school, I didn't touch a knife.

Then I got married. I realized that I was a married woman, I had to learn how to cook. It is in Chinese moral teaching. If you want to be a good wife, if you want to master the skill of keeping your husband, a woman should be a good cook. Nobody was teaching me. My ex's mother didn't like to cook, she always went to the markets and bought take out. Eatable. 

I didn't even know how to use a knife, I didn't even know how to cut vegetables. I bought cook books, and started from 0. 

His family was pleased, his mother was pleased. I didn't do a bad job. 

When I was dating my husband, I never talked about cooking. Cooking isn't something I am interested in. I was living in a studio without a kitchen. He didn't know if I could cook or not. He thought that I didn't like cooking or didn't know how to cook. He still dated me. So being able to cook or not was not on his dating list. 

We got married, first we still lived in an apartment without a kitchen, we ate out everyday, three meals. 

Then we bought our own apartment, we have our own kitchen, we bought all the kitchen stuff, and I started to cook. 

My husband was very surprised, it was a big surprise for him. He never expected that. I actually cook very good food. 

I started cooking a lot because I didn't want my husband to get sick often here in Taiwan by eating out because of his Canadian stomach. He got sick a lot by eating out because his stomach doesn't agree with the cheap food here. 

Cooking at home for only two of us is not cheaper than eating out, but it is healthier. 

What I get from my husband is appreciation. He helps me do the dishes and laundry. 

Seeing my husband happy is important for me. 

My husband will be OK with a wife if she doesn't know how to cook. He doesn't mind cooking himself.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SA, so this would be why I've never seen my wife in the morning before I go to work, nor had a lunch packed for me? 

With regards to my baking, the reason I picked it up (again) was because my wife has celiac disease; an auto-immune disorder that prevents her from eating wheat and wheat products. So I wanted to make some desserts for her that she had to give up when she was diagnosed with it 6 years ago. I learned to make cheesecakes, other cakes, cream puffs, etc... So yes, I'd say it has to do with an expression of love.

C


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

In Taiwan, a lot of women who are under 50's don't cook anymore. 

They eat out. 

It is cheap to eat out in Taiwan. $1 for breakfast. $2 for lunch or supper. $3 can have something a little bit nicer. 

Expensive restaurants range different from $20 or $30 or above for each person.

We cook at home, each meal costs us about $7 for both of us.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Yes - Cooking and what us women do with it - I do think is expresses LOVE.


Change the username to Simply inspiring. 

My wife recently reminded me that prior to a couple of years ago, I always awoke early to cook her breakfast and grind fresh beans for coffee. She's a chocoholic, so I bought pink M&Ms or hershey's kisses to pack in her lunch.

She wanted to know what changed, because we are trying to work things out. The story is long, so I'll skip it.

It's inspiring to see someone turn work into such an expression of feelings.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

takris said:


> Change the username to Simply inspiring.
> 
> My wife recently reminded me that prior to a couple of years ago, I always awoke early to cook her breakfast and grind fresh beans for coffee. She's a chocoholic, so I bought pink M&Ms or hershey's kisses to pack in her lunch.
> 
> ...


You R dear Takris, I thank you for the compliment. I think it always the case, the more love we feel, the more we WANT to show, no matter who or what it is. See, such a small thing, the m&m's, the hershy's kisses, but your wife noticed, it touched her heart !! 

In my case -it has become an ongoing joke at my husbands workplace, knowing why I get up to cook for him every morning & poking fun at his rather wholesome foods, they all know this is so I can sustain him so I get more sex. I guess my part in all this is a little " selfish" too.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Ah! At last, a truly DELECTABLE topic (*cough* *giggle*) 



> ... I'm fearless in the kitchen. I know what temps poultry, beef, pork should be cooked at, and cooked to. I know how to time cooking events so that everything is done at the same time. I know sauteing, from frying from braising from poaching roasting, broiling or baking. I know spices. I have a solid idea of what I like, what spices work under what conditions with what dishes. I know how to carve a turkey (funny people are amazed by this talent) I know to slice London Broil or brisket at an angle. I know Marinara from Bolognese. And importantly ... I clean as I go.


These are also skills that I was taught as a younger girl growing up on the farm in the Great White North. My maternal grandmother (pure German) taught me about breads and desserts, how to grow and use spices, and which things would enhance flavor, which flavors matched/complemented each other. My paternal grandmother (pure Irish) was married to a world-class carnivore, who taught me about all manner of roasting and baking and broiling of meat. My own mom had difficulty boiling water and frequently served fish, boiled in water in the oven (aka: BLECH!), but having learned from the mistresses of the kitchen, thereafter I always viewed it more as an art form than "to eat" and to this day see making dinner as a way of expressing...something. 



> I thoroughly enjoy cooking. For me personally, cooking is indeed something deeply personal that I can do for, and share with, those that I care about. To me, as I thought about it ... cooking is intimacy.


Well if you see above, there is some degree of "skill-set" involved, and in a way I see this very similar to the way I see the skills of crocheting or sewing. You can learn it and be proficient enough to cook a medium to good meal--or you can really learn the subtleties and be able to cook without a recipe just by the consistency and smell... You can be a "good cook" or a chef. I see myself falling into "good cook" with the ability to periodically pull off "chef" if I prepare a bit. My Dear Hubby on the other hand is a virtuoso. The man can make Mac N Cheese that has you dying for a complementary wine! LOL :lol: 

But one thing about cooking that I think many people miss is the connection between cooking and sex--that is to say that both are a physical expression of an "appetite." The satisfaction and pleasure derived from a seared steak just reddish-pink in the middle and with just the right blend of garlic/pepper...the sauce for the perfect garnish...the way a cool dessert balances a hot meal...those are all pleasures to the senses, and to my mind often the cooking is very reflective of either the sexual relationship or the condition of the relationship itself. 

Have the dinners become predictable? How about boring? Have they gone from "roast chicken and carrots" to "hamburger helper" or worse...frozen meals warmed up in the microwave? That can be indicative of the condition of the marriage! Neglecting dinner? Check your relationship too!



> Many of the women I referred to, simply do not share this view at all. Only two women I know share the same thinking as myself, my mother, and my kid's godmother, who is from Germany. With them, there is no doubt in my mind that cooking is an expression of joy and caring. But I suppose you can't express yourself in a language you haven't learned.


Maybe it's a German thing (she says as a 3/4 German herself). I've always thought of and viewed food that way. 



> So? Does your wife cook? Do you cook? And if she does or doesn't, do you think that has any impact, positive or negative on how you conduct your relationship?


I am the wife, and I don't usually cook--although I'm not adverse to it or anything. I would be happy to cook to the best of my abilities for Dear Hubby, but it would be like having a 1st year cook for a wizard (which is silly). It's odd--in our household many of the "traditional roles" are reversed but I think it's not so much a statement of who's in charge or feminism or any of that so much as a mutual understanding we've reached. I have natural drive and self-motivation so I work for the family--Dear Hubby has some health issues and he is a SAHD. We agreed to homeschool the kids because we both believe in it strongly. And from there we either agree to do it together (like household chores) or pick one who has more of a natural "talent". And you know I can not comment on how his cooking impacts the relationship for him, but for me it has a seriously POSITIVE impact. I appreciate his effort every day to create a tasty meal and try new recipes/ideas. I love that he experiments! I love that he makes the most delicious things out of seemingly nothing! And I know all of that does have a connection to communicating intimacy.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Conversation with my husband, 

he said: no cooking doesn't mean no love, no doing anything means no love, cooking means love!!!


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> See, such a small thing, the m&m's, the hershy's kisses, but your wife noticed, it touched her heart !!


Alas, she resented it until it stopped. It was even her sister who found my framed poems for her in the basement and had them published. I'm told that one of them is often used in weddings in her sister's area. Hence the end.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I have a confession.

I have a crush on Rachel Ray.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

And yes, what man wouldn't want a Rachel Ray, I ask? A cute, Italian brunette who can cook with a dropdead gorgeous happy smile, like she's enjoying herself in the kitchen?

I mean, the kitchen, besides the bedroom, is the favorite spot of men to accost (sp?) our wives. . .come up behind them at the sink or stove and wrap our arms around them and press our pelvis into your butts. Kiss the nape of their neck and let them know you are continually in the mood. IT's a popular spot for butt slapping or feeling your wife up or groping.

(Don't women love this when they are trying to prepare a meal?  )

I ask the forum to ponder these intellectual observations and my continual contributions on my part.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Scannerguard said:


> And yes, what man wouldn't want a Rachel Ray, I ask? A cute, Italian brunette who can cook with a dropdead gorgeous happy smile, like she's enjoying herself in the kitchen?
> 
> I mean, the kitchen, besides the bedroom, is the favorite spot of men to accost (sp?) our wives. . .come up behind them at the sink or stove and wrap our arms around them and press our pelvis into your butts. Kiss the nape of their neck and let them know you are continually in the mood. IT's a popular spot for butt slapping or feeling your wife up or groping.
> 
> ...


I'd definitely be more inclined to watch Rachel Ray if there was a guy grinding her butt throughout the show ...

Talked about the cooking thing with my mom, yesterday. We were talking about cooking given the holiday, and I told her how much I miss her lemon meringue pie. Told her the girlfriend doesn't really cook. Her response?
"Where do these women come from? It must be a generational thing."


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I'd definitely be more inclined to watch Rachel Ray if there was a guy grinding her butt throughout the show ...
> 
> Talked about the cooking thing with my mom, yesterday. We were talking about cooking given the holiday, and I told her how much I miss her lemon meringue pie. Told her the girlfriend doesn't really cook. Her response?
> "Where do these women come from? It must be a generational thing."


I don't think it is a generational thing. I cook, always have. He cooks, always has. I think that we live in an era where everything is pre-packaged and so convenient that many grow up not having a passion for it. It becomes more about just getting food on the table, not so much the quality of what is being served.
I do like to cook and have taken many many classes to hone my skills. Soups and stews are my specialty. Can I work my way around a roast, sure, but those two are what I love making. I wouldn't be as passionate making something else. I think alot of people just haven't found that one cooking specialty that they find pleasure in making.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

In England there’s been a whole TV series based on good school meals. The chef that started the whole thing off and was in a state of shock when he discovered a lot of the kids didn’t even know what a carrot is. So from the outset he had to teach them what vegetables are.

In the school used for the project the results were truly amazing. One school helper was there to make certain the children got their asthma medication correctly. A week after they’d had whole school meals her usual 40 child queue at her door dwindled to just about nothing. Teachers used to lethargic pupils in the afternoon after lunch remarked just how bright and aware they were.

And believe it or not some mothers didn’t like it at all. They hung around outside the school fence to give their children “real food”. Yup, it was burgers and chips.

Bob


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Brennan said:


> I don't think it is a generational thing. I cook, always have. He cooks, always has. I think that we live in an era where everything is pre-packaged and so convenient that many grow up not having a passion for it. It becomes more about just getting food on the table, not so much the quality of what is being served.


I agree with this 100%. It's also one of the primary contributors to both adult and childhood obesity. Nobody takes the time to actually think about what they are putting in their mouths.

That's another rant for another thread.

Two of my favorite cooking techniques are barbecue, I own a Weber Smokey Mountain Cooker and Crock Pot cooking. Throw some stuff in the pot in the morning, come home and dish it out in the evening. Great stuff.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

AFEH said:


> In England there’s been a whole TV series based on good school meals. The chef that started the whole thing off and was in a state of shock when he discovered a lot of the kids didn’t even know what a carrot is. So from the outset he had to teach them what vegetables are.
> 
> In the school used for the project the results were truly amazing. One school helper was there to make certain the children got their asthma medication correctly. A week after they’d had whole school meals her usual 40 child queue at her door dwindled to just about nothing. Teachers used to lethargic pupils in the afternoon after lunch remarked just how bright and aware they were.
> 
> ...


Bob, may be the same chef, Jamie Oliver, but I believed they tried it here in the states as well. And as you point out, the push back was enormous, from parents, to school staff. One of the most unfortunate realities - the cost balance is grossly in favor of crap food.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

As for the food = love thing, I do recall in my dating and romance history, that cooking a wonderful meal for my partner usually resulted in wonderful bonding session - or bondage, I can't remember which.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I absolutely LOVE to cook! I grew up cooking dinner for my family, starting out with some Rachael Ray recipes and other basic stuff and working my way up. I am a very creative person, and think cooking is a great way to experiment and try new things. I pretty much ALWAYS deviate from the recipe--even if it's my first time trying it--and I try something new each time.

However, I don't enjoy cooking for my boyfriend very much. The reason being, he is very health conscious, very picky, and very selective to the point where he is content eating a piece of dry chicken with lettuce (or, if he's feeling brave, a piece of dry chicken with lettuce and some fat-free salad dressing). This is definitely exaggerating, but it does make me feel sad sometimes, just because I feel like I'm losing all that talent I worked hard to develop growing up. I feel like I never get to have fun when I cook for him--so I started trying to make new stuff, and he basically just grins and bears it and makes himself dry chicken afterwards haha.

The other reason I don't enjoy cooking for him is he tries to question everything I do when he's in the kitchen "helping." Like, "are you sure you're holding that knife right?" Or "You're going to burn that if you don't stir it!" Or "How much cumin are you supposed to be adding? Yes, but what does the recipe _actually_ say? Are you _sure_ that's a tablespoon you just added? It looked like more than a tablespoon." UGH it just drives me CRAZY!!! I know that he just wants to make sure I don't get hurt, or that I don't ruin the food, but it completely undermines my confidence. I make more mistakes now than I did when I was 13 years old! Part of that though is just due to the fact that he has a cramped kitchen, poor quality stove, and horrible cookware.

On top of that, we're students and broke and can't afford to buy saffron or brand name Cookie Crisp or basically anything that's not on sale. He made me feel awful one time for wanting to spend $5 on some dried apricots (I bought them anyway though, and they were totally worth it). 

I think my attitude could definitely be better though. I should really feel grateful if all I have to do for him is throw a cheap piece of chicken on the George Foreman grill haha. But what upsets me is that I feel like my creativity is being stifled, and there are now all these constraints being placed on me that weren't there before.

I wonder if there are other women that feel this way? Or men whose wives might feel this way? Does anyone else try to "help" in the kitchen but just end up getting in the way?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> As for the food = love thing, I do recall in my dating and romance history, that cooking a wonderful meal for my partner usually resulted in wonderful bonding session - or bondage, I can't remember which.


Ha, ha. The BEST meal I have ever had in my life, was made by my husband, then boyfriend. It was Valentine's Day. He cooked at his parents house as he still lived there and they were out of town. The menu was swordfish grilled with olive oil and thyme, lightly sauteed asparagus and a lemon and fresh basil risotto. For the presentation, he placed the swordfish on a bed of arugula that had been lightly tossed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. The asparagus was held together in a bundle with the blanched skin of a roma tomato, tied in to a bow and the risotto had been formed into a perfect circle on the plate. The desert was port wine gelatto. 
We had 4 rounds of sex that night.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Brennan said:


> Ha, ha. The BEST meal I have ever had in my life, was made by my husband, then boyfriend. It was Valentine's Day. He cooked at his parents house as he still lived there and they were out of town. The menu was swordfish grilled with olive oil and thyme, lightly sauteed asparagus and a lemon and fresh basil risotto. For the presentation, he placed the swordfish on a bed of arugula that had been lightly tossed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. The asparagus was held together in a bundle with the blanched skin of a roma tomato, tied in to a bow and the risotto had been formed into a perfect circle on the plate. The desert was port wine gelatto.
> We had 4 rounds of sex that night.


Hell, I would have had sex with him ...

Did your boys show an interest in learning, or did they pick it up through osmosis?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Hell, I would have had sex with him ...
> 
> Did your boys show an interest in learning, or did they pick it up through osmosis?


Ha, ha, Deejo. Yeah, it was an AWESOME meal. 
As for our sons, they both know how to cook and they have been in the kitchen with us from a very young age. In the beginning, it was more about hanging out with Mom and Dad. Now? They contribute because they love creating something. They love to see what their efforts can make.
For my birthday, our oldest made a pork tenderloin with a sour cherry and red wine reduction sauce, roasted fingerling potatoes and sauteed brussel sprouts. It was fantastic.
It certainly helps that my MIL got her degree in the culinary arts and our oldest's GF is taking all her high school electives in the culinary arts. Both have inspired him. 
Our youngest is 13. His passion is baking. He can make the best cookies you have ever had. He knows the difference between cheap chocolate and the good stuff and we aren't talking Hersey. He insists on a block of Valrhona, that he shaves and makes in to the BEST chocolate chip cookies on the planet. That's my fault though. When he was 5, I gave him a candy bar and had him eat it. He did and loved it. An hour later, I gave him a Godiva bar and had him eat it. Did he taste the difference? Hell yes. To date, he cannot stand cheap chocolate. 
His cookies end up costing us a fortune.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

lime said:


> I absolutely LOVE to cook! I grew up cooking dinner for my family, starting out with some Rachael Ray recipes and other basic stuff and working my way up. I am a very creative person, and think cooking is a great way to experiment and try new things. I pretty much ALWAYS deviate from the recipe--even if it's my first time trying it--and I try something new each time.
> 
> However, I don't enjoy cooking for my boyfriend very much. The reason being, he is very health conscious, very picky, and very selective to the point where he is content eating a piece of dry chicken with lettuce (or, if he's feeling brave, a piece of dry chicken with lettuce and some fat-free salad dressing). This is definitely exaggerating, but it does make me feel sad sometimes, just because I feel like I'm losing all that talent I worked hard to develop growing up. I feel like I never get to have fun when I cook for him--so I started trying to make new stuff, and he basically just grins and bears it and makes himself dry chicken afterwards haha.
> 
> ...


My husband wanted to help out at the beginning, but our kitchen is not big enough for two people, so I just told him to leave me alone in the kitchen.

What you described is like some women trying to give advice to their men whey they are driving. 

Ha ha ha, interesting, some men do that kind of things.................?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> And yes, what man wouldn't want a Rachel Ray, I ask? A cute, Italian brunette who can cook with a dropdead gorgeous happy smile, like she's enjoying herself in the kitchen?
> 
> I mean, the kitchen, besides the bedroom, is the favorite spot of men to accost (sp?) our wives. . .come up behind them at the sink or stove and wrap our arms around them and press our pelvis into your butts. Kiss the nape of their neck and let them know you are continually in the mood. IT's a popular spot for butt slapping or feeling your wife up or groping.
> 
> ...


Yes, love that feeling, and we are often naked at home.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> i love this thread, i though my hiand i were just greedy fat asses, who talked fodd, watched food, dream food. glad we are not alone on the omportance of food in relationships.
> 
> our moms cant cook to save their lives, i cant even begin to describe the horror of thaksgiving at mil house, we always eat first and never touch her food. its a crime agaunst food.
> 
> ...


I had been eating out for a few years, now I really understand the importance of cooking at home. 

If we eat out, it is either expensive or not healthy. 

For example, if we eat out, we can only afford noodles, dumplings, and cheap lunch boxes, little vegetables, not healthy. If we eat at nice places, we have to dish out a lot of money. 

Cooking at home, same money as eating cheap food, but the quality is much better, I cook simple food, but my husband thinks it is better than eating at expensive restaurants. He said he can't eat restaurant's food every day, but he can eat my dishes every day. 

I think cooking is like a good habit. After I am in the habit, it is not difficult anymore. 

Now I have quite a few meat dishes my husband and I both like to eat. Vegetables are easy to cook, very often, I just boil them. 

I rotate dishes, for example, Monday a pork dish, Tuesday a chicken dish, Wednesday a beef dish, Thursday German sausages, Friday a different kind of pork dish, Saturdays and Sundays days off, eat out.

I am happy that I am able to make our life quality very good without spending a lot of money!

My mother and father are both very good cooks, but I didn't learn anything from them, what a shame!


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> My husband wanted to help out at the beginning, but our kitchen is not big enough for two people, so I just told him to leave me alone in the kitchen.
> 
> What you described is like some women trying to give advice to their men whey they are driving.
> 
> Ha ha ha, interesting, some men do that kind of things.................?


Haha that's what I sometimes tell him too! I act like it's my kitchen even though it's at his apartment.

We can't afford much either if we go out to eat, but sometimes it's fun to go for the experience. I like getting something cheap in the summer and eating while walking around and exploring the city. Or going somewhere that we can sit and talk for a long time.

I've also found that arranging the food in a fancy way on the plate can make it taste way better 



Deejo, your mom asked where women like that come from? Tell her to ask herself or her friends...She and her generation made women like that! Too many of my friends have doting, frumpy housewife moms who do all the "nurturing" and cooking and never taught their daughters how. I think it's part of some weird selfish tendency to be the only woman in the house who can take care of the family. In reality they're limiting their children in some ways by always doing everything all the time.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

lime said:


> Haha that's what I sometimes tell him too! I act like it's my kitchen even though it's at his apartment.
> 
> We can't afford much either if we go out to eat, but sometimes it's fun to go for the experience. I like getting something cheap in the summer and eating while walking around and exploring the city. Or going somewhere that we can sit and talk for a long time.
> 
> ...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> flowers...what a beautiful idea. has enyone tried the edible flowers, i was to chicken to buy them...


I don't know what kind of flowers are edible! 

I love flowers!


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## guitarheaven (Nov 27, 2010)

I believe lack of trying to prepare a meal, whether it be as simple as a ham sandwich on paper plates or a fancy five-course, shows lack of commitment. Taking care of your spouse by feeding them is a simple gesture as giving a back massage is.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Girlfriend is cooking me dinner tonight. I think she likes me


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Girlfriend is cooking me dinner tonight. I think she likes me


Yummy!!!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> I thoroughly enjoy cooking. For me personally, cooking is indeed something deeply personal that I can do for, and share with, those that I care about. To me, as I thought about it ... cooking is intimacy.
> 
> 
> But I suppose you can't express yourself in a language you haven't learned.
> ...


I linked to this thread from another. I do actually agree with you that cooking is intimacy, despite the fact that I'm not known for my culinary skills.

My husband left home when he was 16 and began learning to cook out of necessity. We met and he impressed me with a meal. I think he recognized the admiration I had for him and his cooking. He developed his skills over the years and it has become a passion for him. I love hearing his stories about where he's sourced certain ingredients and observing his fearless approach to cooking.

I on the other hand, have been quite pitiful in the kitchen. And Deejo, I'll tell you the reason why. I never really was taught but when I think to cooking as a teenager, I have a memory that stands out in mind. My mother was extremely depressed, she'd expressed suicidal thoughts to me. There was one day in particular where she hadn't gotten out of bed, so I decided to surprise her by cooking dinner and taking it to her. Not only didn't she eat it but I was also criticized for how it was cooked. I do have to say though, my mom and I are very close and she's normally very supportive of me. She doesn't even remember this particularly dark period of her depression. 

It took me a while (into my 20's) to realize why I avoided cooking. I shared this memory with my husband. It may not sound like a big deal in type, I don't know, but I still remember the pain of everything back then - it was more than just about the meal. So with learning to cook now, it's part of me letting go of that and being an adult. My passion comes out in music. Cooking isn't particularly my thing, but when I do cook I believe in the importance of having good vibes in my meals. I prefer to cook alone and rely on music to soothe me while I attempt my dish. Anyway, that's my story.


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Deejo said:


> This subject caught my attention in another thread.
> 
> And I must say it got me thinking. If this is the case, I have never been with a woman who loved me.
> 
> ...


Generally speaking, I think it's the result of many families needing both spouses to work and that many people tend to take the easiest, quickest path to doing just about everything.

My wife and I can both cook and have shifted the duty back and forth depending on work schedules. On Sundays we plan meals for the week, go shopping, and cook together for the evening meal.

I've worked with people who ate fast food or vending machine food every day for lunch. They were amazed I would make myself, or my wife would make me, a good looking tasty lunch. Even something as simple as ham sandwich was too much work for them. I would explain that I could make my lunch in less time than it takes them to drive to the burger joint and for less than 1/2 the cost. Many of these people would be looking to borrow $5 the day before payday and still would never bring a lunch from home.

That work place gave out turkeys for christmas. I had several given to me because didn't want them


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm the wife and I cook/bake. I try my best to make everything from scratch, including 100% whole wheat bread. The healthier the meal, the better. I will make an occasional pie from scratch. Actually my pies are my very own recipes. It must be okay, all the neighborhood kids come over to eat and tell me I cook the best food they ever ate.

I've tried to teach my 17 year old how to cook, but she is not interested. I learned to cook on my own. I can not stand my mothers cooking. My mother cooks every single dish to well done, which is way over cooked. I also prefer to grill. Hubby brought home a deer, so I've been grilling and marinating a lot of venison lately. I will cook what he brings home, which most wives will not.

My husband can not cook very well. He does try though, especially if I'm not feeling well and if it's on the weekend. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

I don't think that it's a mini backlash or uprising of any kind on the part of "liberated" women, and I certainly don't think that no cooking = no love. That would be like me asking *no rebuild the engine in my Subaru = no love?*. My mother was a truck driverby neccessity, I was never taught to cook. After high school I went into the military, once again, not a lot of opportunity to learn. When I met my husband we needed two incomes to make ends meet, and I had no desire to sit at home all day anyway, so I worked full time, and we did the best with dinners that we could. Sometimes that meant eating out, sometimes simple soup & sandwiches, sometimes it meant him cooking. As the kids got older and I had more free time I was able to learn more about what my husband liked to eat and spent more time catering to his tastes, which he loves. He always understood, though, that you can't expect a modern era wife when it comes to working, finances, self reliance and sexual openness, but then want a traditional role wife when it comes to cleaning the entire house herself and cooking every meal from scratch.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

heartsbeating said:


> It took me a while (into my 20's) to realize why I avoided cooking. I shared this memory with my husband. It may not sound like a big deal in type, I don't know, but I still remember the pain of everything back then - it was more than just about the meal. So with learning to cook now, it's part of me letting go of that and being an adult. My passion comes out in music. Cooking isn't particularly my thing, but when I do cook I believe in the importance of having good vibes in my meals. I prefer to cook alone and rely on music to soothe me while I attempt my dish. Anyway, that's my story.


You're story is frighteningly like the experience of my ex. Her mother criticized, mocked, or complained about anything she attempted.

Whereas lessons from my father were all in the practical. "If it tastes good, eat it. If it doesn't, chuck it out and do it differently next time."


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*I mean, the kitchen, besides the bedroom, is the favorite spot of men to accost (sp?) our wives. . .come up behind them at the sink or stove and wrap our arms around them and press our pelvis into your butts. Kiss the nape of their neck and let them know you are continually in the mood. IT's a popular spot for butt slapping or feeling your wife up or groping.

(Don't women love this when they are trying to prepare a meal? )*

YES! We do!! 

I grew up with 11 siblings, and our mom died young.... we ALL learned how to cook. Nothing special, but nobody starved. My H claims to loooooove my cooking and always compliments it... which is awesome cuz my ex always criticized it. And H's ex never cooked, they only at home cooked meals at the in-law's. So he appreciates my cooking, and it makes him feel loved....and I appreciate his appreciation, and it makes me feel loved.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> You're story is frighteningly like the experience of my ex. Her mother criticized, mocked, or complained about anything she attempted.
> 
> Whereas lessons from my father were all in the practical. "If it tastes good, eat it. If it doesn't, chuck it out and do it differently next time."


The good thing about being an adult is recognizing we don't have to hold onto those moments or those emotions attached. I've since cooked for my whole family and it was wonderful. They actually ranked my dish as if it was a reality show lol. I scored 9/10 ...not bad 

Like I said, back then my mother was extremely depressed. It's easy to glance over those memories but there are some things that can stick and affect us sometimes without even realizing. But now, she encourages my cooking. 

Before I met hubs, the guy I briefly dated was a chef-in-training. Maybe the way to _my_ heart is food. Oh and an appreciation for Dr Who. I made my husband a cooked breakfast this morning. I don't really count those meals though. Sure, they're nice and he enjoys it but it's different to having a proper dinner cooked for you. I have work to do.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

My ex-MIL could not claim depression was responsible for her bad behavior ... and the cooking comments don't even scratch the surface. 

Whenever I wanted to either impress, or specifically make a woman feel special, I prepared a meal.

I have had no fewer than 5 dates where, I was told that either it was the first time ever, or the first time in many years that a man had cooked a meal for them.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> My ex-MIL could not claim depression was responsible for her bad behavior ... and the cooking comments don't even scratch the surface.
> 
> Whenever I wanted to either impress, or specifically make a woman feel special, I prepared a meal.
> 
> I have had no fewer than 5 dates where, I was told that either it was the first time ever, or the first time in many years that a man had cooked a meal for them.


I have to say when hubs was out of town one week, our friends (a married couple) invited me to dinner. Actually it was the husband that invited me on their behalf and said he'd cook for us all. When I arrived to their home, they were bickering and she was criticizing what he was preparing. She looked to me for back-up. All I could respond was "Having a man cook for you is a wonderful thing. I'm sure whatever is served will be delicious." Thankfully she seemed to chill upon hearing this response.

It's true though - at least for a woman like me - it's impressive and appreciated. And as I've mentioned before, with hubs it makes me feel that he's got his sh!t together. I have girlfriends who have cooked for me too and that's also impressive. A couple of them have invited me over for lessons and we have cooked together. It's definitely about the care, consideration, effort and time put into it that impresses me. 

I offered to make lunch yesterday. A basic cooked dish. Hubs said it sounded good and then he proceeded to get the ingredients out and I knew he was going to start making it. I had to firmly tell him to stop because I wanted to make lunch for us. I don't think my cooking could ever match the types of meals he creates but I do see that he enjoys when I try. I guess it's showing back to him that I want to do this for him/us too? This is part of the reason that I want to learn but honestly, the main reason is more selfish than that. It just seems like a good "life skill" to have. Yeah, in my mid-30's I kinda figured it's something I should be able to do by now.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Only read the first post so far. My wife and I cook. When we first started I cooked more than she did. She was never taught except for basic stuff. Her step father did most of the cooking as he was a great cook. Her mother cooked but it was rare. I grew up in a single parent home with 3 brothers. We all learned how to cook. As the years went on my wife cooked more and more. Today I would say it's about 80/20 her. I usually make a special meal on the weekend. If my wife didn't cook I would see it as a lack of effort in running the household which would probably turn into resentment.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

I'mAllIn said:


> I don't think that it's a mini backlash or uprising of any kind on the part of "liberated" women, and I certainly don't think that no cooking = no love. That would be like me asking *no rebuild the engine in my Subaru = no love?*. My mother was a truck driverby neccessity, I was never taught to cook. After high school I went into the military, once again, not a lot of opportunity to learn. When I met my husband we needed two incomes to make ends meet, and I had no desire to sit at home all day anyway, so I worked full time, and we did the best with dinners that we could. Sometimes that meant eating out, sometimes simple soup & sandwiches, sometimes it meant him cooking. As the kids got older and I had more free time I was able to learn more about what my husband liked to eat and spent more time catering to his tastes, which he loves. He always understood, though, that you can't expect a modern era wife when it comes to working, finances, self reliance and sexual openness, but then want a traditional role wife when it comes to cleaning the entire house herself and cooking every meal from scratch.


2 things:

1. Cooking a meal and rebuilding an engine are on two different levels. Now you can compare cooking to regulary scheduled maint., tire checks, etc. 

2. I don't think anyone is expecting a woman to play the traditional role if she is working. But most expect a woman to care enough for her husband that she would take time to cook him a good meal regularly. 

You are talking in extremes


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## HaHa (Oct 1, 2010)

I do all the meal planning and cooking. I love to cook and try to make most things from scratch. I also work full time. I love seeing my husband enjoying the food that I made for him. I also make his plate and take it to him. It drives one of my friends crazy when I do that..lol..I just like taking care of him. He takes care of me in a million other ways. He’s appreciative and does a million other little things to take care of me. My mother could cook, but she didn’t really enjoy it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'mAllIn said:


> I don't think that it's a mini backlash or uprising of any kind on the part of "liberated" women, and I certainly don't think that no cooking = no love. That would be like me asking *no rebuild the engine in my Subaru = no love?*. My mother was a truck driverby neccessity, I was never taught to cook. After high school I went into the military, once again, not a lot of opportunity to learn. When I met my husband we needed two incomes to make ends meet, and I had no desire to sit at home all day anyway, so I worked full time, and we did the best with dinners that we could. Sometimes that meant eating out, sometimes simple soup & sandwiches, sometimes it meant him cooking. As the kids got older and I had more free time I was able to learn more about what my husband liked to eat and spent more time catering to his tastes, which he loves. He always understood, though, that you can't expect a modern era wife when it comes to working, finances, self reliance and sexual openness, but then want a traditional role wife when it comes to cleaning the entire house herself and cooking every meal from scratch.


I can't tell if you agree with me or not ... but seeing as you basically spelled out exactly what I was saying ...

Your mom worked, you put on BDU's instead of an apron (thank you for your service btw) and then you were a wife in a dual income family.

My bit about a backlash isn't that a cabal of women decided that young women should no longer be taught to cook ... but that FEWER younger women see learning how to cook as something that would be part of their role as a partner and wife.

I fundamentally agree with Athol's statement. Cooking is a life-skill. It's a core competency life-skill.

But I do also believe that for many people, myself included, it is an expression of genuinely caring about the people for whom you prepare the meal.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah and don't you just get mad if someone doesn't eat something that you made? LOL. It's like, Hey did you try this yet?? LOL 

And on the flipside, I get soo happy when someone compliments what I've made. It is LOVE.


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

I absolutely HATE cooking. My dream has always been to find a man who loves to cook. Honestly, I get more enjoyment from picking up dog doo in the yard than from meal preparation. I'm told I'm a good cook; I'm certainly competent in the kitchen.

That being said, I've always ended up as the primary cook -- despite the fact that I have always worked full-time. If I complain about not wanting to cook, the solution has always been "Let's go get fast food" and I don't want to live on a steady diet of junk.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Atholk said:


> Cooking is just a life skill. I don't believe cooking = love, but some efforts at cooking do show love and affection.
> 
> Personally I just find the inability of a woman to cook a attraction reducing thing. I have less interest in her and I can do better. It's like smoking.
> 
> ...


I completely agree that cooking is and should be considered a life skill. 

I understand how this would be an attractive quality to you, if that's important to you.

I was surprised to read the following statement though. My hubs is the chef in our household and I've always maintained a very clean home, I've managed our finances, I've looked after us in other ways - and I've had my own business and worked full time. 

My H wasn't great with finances when we met. I wasn't great with cooking. These were the roles we adopted, working with our strengths and it was fine for us. I thank him for every meal. I always comment how amazing something tastes. I never bullsh*t either. This also might be part of the reason he enjoys cooking for me. Conversely, when we've profited from investments or we're enjoying a vacation, he has thanked me for my ability to save/budget/and hash out financial decisions with him. 

I think knowing how to manage finances is as much a life skill as cooking, or ironing and doing laundry and all those other things - that both hubs and I do. This year I'm learning to cook. Last week he created a budget with the best financial options for getting a new car. We learn from each other.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I dropped this ball of cooking, my husband felt very neglected. He knew I had some health issues, but even after the issues were resolved, I didn't start doing it again. I feel bad for that, and own it. It was something we agreed I'd do because 1. i want to and like it and 2. I have time.

He said, "I felt single and uncared for." So for him, it did equal love, in a way.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I think it's very sad the number of families/couples, and single people for that matter, who just don't cook. Like, EVER. Even for holidays - they go out, or they buy one of those boxed meals you can get in the grocery store now - turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, and veg, all ready to heat up. They probably think that's cooking when they heat that stuff up.

I really believe that when you prepare something in your kitchen there's a piece of your love mixed into what you're preparing, and that makes the food you are eating just that much better for you. I do believe that cooking your own food from wholesome ingredients shows love for whomever you are preparing it for, whether that be yourself or your whole family or restaurant patrons or homeless people. 

And I TOTALLY agree that cooking is a life skill everyone should know. I really think all the prepackaged crap that's available now should just be taken right off the grocery store shelves so people are forced to start thinking about what they're putting in their mouths. That's the problem - people don't THINK about what they eat. If they did, no one would ever eat at McDonalds!! 

My love of cooking has totally infected everyone in my family. Both my sons are apprenticing to become chefs, and my daughter works in a bakery and wants to open her own some day. One of my husbands favorite things to do is cook with me. We just spent the weekend cooking together and it was awesome. On Saturday we made a huge lasagna and a big pot of bone broth, then on Sunday instead of going and getting Doritos to munch on when we watched football like we used to, we made a double batch of home made crackers  And also a big pot of baked beans that we started on Saturday because the beans had to soak overnight. So now we have a ton of good-for-you home cooking in the freezer for later. (we ate all the crackers!)


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Perhaps it also comes from what the spouse dealt with as a child. I was thinking more on this, as it would never occur to me that Hubs not cooking means he doesn't love me. However, in his childhood home, they went many nights without food. Being the oldest, Hubs would try to put together something for his siblings...once he said he made some cake with just cake mix and water. That was their dinner that night. His dad may have eaten out and would bring a doggy bag home for Hubs and his 4 siblings to share. He definitely felt unloved in that home. So for him, cooking does equal love...in the sense that he feels taken care of that way.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

that_girl said:


> So for him, cooking does equal love...in the sense that he feels taken care of that way.


That is actually very well said. It's 'care-taking'.

I have a very funny standout memory with my ex. When we were dating, she made pancakes and brought them to me in bed. I thought it was incredibly thoughtful and sweet. 

My mouth was dry, I took an over-large bite, and upon trying to swallow, started choking.

She got indignant and bullsh!t, and yelled at me, "What the f*ck is the matter with you?"

She presumed I was mocking her. THAT'S how gun-shy and overly sensitive she was about being judged.

But ... I do look back on that memory fondly, and laugh.


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