# A sign of infidelity?



## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I have been married to my husband for 8 years. The last couple of years I've noticed he will come home with bruises (in spurts) and it also seems, at these times, he is distant and not as interested in sex with me. The bruises are always on his buttocks and front upper thighs. Once, it appeared he had finger tip bruises on his ankles. Also, twice these were accompanied by long scratches on the sides of his torso. He explained the scrathces as his friend's dog jumping up on him. But he can never explain the bruises. I haven't said anything, but it happened again just last week and I really want to know what i should do. 

I have to add, i go the extra mile for my husband. A few times i went to his office after closing and had sex with him in his office chair and i noticed the next day he had bruises on his upper front thighs..and i realized where they came from..the arms of the chair. 

I have noticed other signs, like doing his own laundry, and extra grooming. I caught him triming chest hair and he said it was to decrease the appearance of the gray. But he had never voiced this concern to me. So, i realize i have more than one sign of infidelity, but confrontation would be a waste. I know he would never admit it. 

So, my question is..how do i deal with it? Its kinda hard to ignore. I had sex with him last night and i was distracted by the bruises!


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Go underground. Do some detective work. Have your evidences and then confront.

Does he use computer a lot? Or a mobile phone?

There are many ways you can do some snooping to find out if anything is going on behind your back.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Get credible proof first, do not jump into confrontations without having substantial evidence as back up.

Read the newbies link on AlmostRecovered's signature


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

Thank you for the responses. Yes, he does. What do you think would be the most effective tool to find out what is going on? I've looked into devices to log what is typed into his pc...but i'm thinking a device to check deleted texts from his phone would be best. I did look at his phone the other day, and he had one text from a woman which said "lol, jackass"..and everything before had been deleted. Obvious to me that he wanted that conversation gone. Oh and last night, that woman's husband called him just to chat? Another coincidence? Anyone ever used a device to retrieve deleted text messages? Im sure that is where i'd find my answer.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> Thank you for the responses. Yes, he does. What do you think would be the most effective tool to find out what is going on? I've looked into devices to log what is typed into his pc...but i'm thinking a device to check deleted texts from his phone would be best. I did look at his phone the other day, and he had one text from a woman which said "lol, jackass"..and everything before had been deleted. Obvious to me that he wanted that conversation gone. Oh and last night, that woman's husband called him just to chat? Another coincidence? Anyone ever used a device to retrieve deleted text messages? Im sure that is where i'd find my answer.


Use duct tape to attach a voice activated recorder (VAR) under his office chair and car seat. Make sure it is taped well so it does not fall out. Or, use velcro.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

if he has an iphone sync it to the comp to retrieve deleted text messages, if not there are cellphone spyware.

Voice activated Recorders, strap one in under the driver's seat of his car

A gps on the car

Check out the miles logged in the odometer and see if it matches the distance between home and his place of work


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

good ideas..thank you for sharing!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I can't figure out the bruises on the ankles.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Does your hubby bruise easily?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> I can't figure out the bruises on the ankles.


Reverse cowboy?


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> I can't figure out the bruises on the ankles.


Maybe she tied him with chains or maybe she has some type of foot fetish.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Ladies, i got banned once for making light of another situation


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

lordmayhem said:


> I can't figure out the bruises on the ankles.


I was thinking a female Wookie lifting him up, upside down...

OH, and seriously. Go underground and snoop. Phone records, etc.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

Maybe my husband does bruise easily. But to have bruises in certain areas, and in spurts, seems strange. And maybe this is tmi, but he is very aggressive and can be rough in bed. He has had me in positions that i could grab his ankles. He is also "bi curious" and has gay men friends that flirt with him. He has been hit on by men in public right in front of me! When i saw bruises on his ankles, i have to admit it occured to me it may be another man. So, again, i'd like to know if anyone has used a device to retrieve deleted texts..he does not have an iphone.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Oh. In that case, it may not be an OW, but an OM. But the bruising on the ankles might indicate that he likes being the catcher...if it were an OM.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

I am the person she is referring to. Trust me, I have not gotten bruises on my ankles from being the "catcher"....If you read any of her other posts, you will know that I cheated on her with my ex wife very early on in our relationship and have been paying the price ever since. I promised her that I would never cheat on her again and I have kept that promise.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

Two weeks ago I came home from work and she had emptied my house of all of our "community property" and then some. All of you have passed judgment upon me without knowing the full story. I have put up with her spying on me, checking my phone, checking my emails, driving by my work, calling my friends, putting a keylogger on my computer, cheating on me...for 8 years. And she has the nerve to come on here and make everyone think I'm cheating with a dude.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

She uses bruises on my thighs and butt as proof that I'm having wild sex, but she failed to mention that I am a manager of a pizza restaurant with stainless steel counters and ovens that I constantly run into. I am 5' 11", my waist is 40" off the ground and standard counter height is 36". You do the math and figure out where the bruises are coming from.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

I also noticed that she has not passed along the fact that she has cleaned out my house and disappeared twice before. But, I keep letting her come back because I really don't love her and am just waiting for her replacement to come along. You people on here really need to stop taking all the loonies on here at their word. There are two sides to every story.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

One more thing, I found out 2 1/2 weeks ago she has been carrying on with another member on here who was overly sympathetic to her issues. For the last year and a half she has been giving me grief about me cheating and all the while she has been having an online relationship with Gunthar. He lives in Ohio and we live in Texas. he is also married and has made multiple trips to Texas to spend several days with her in a hotel. She lied to me and told me she had to go out of town for work. I can only imagine what Jeffrey told his wife.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LividInTexas said:


> One more thing, I found out 2 1/2 weeks ago she has been carrying on with another member on here who was overly sympathetic to her issues. For the last year and a half she has been giving me grief about me cheating and all the while she has been having an online relationship with Gunthar. He lives in Ohio and we live in Texas. he is also married and has made multiple trips to Texas to spend several days with her in a hotel. She lied to me and told me she had to go out of town for work. I can only imagine what Jeffrey told his wife.


How do you know this? How do you know it was this gunthar person?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

LividInTexas said:


> One more thing, I found out 2 1/2 weeks ago she has been carrying on with another member on here who was overly sympathetic to her issues. For the last year and a half she has been giving me grief about me cheating and all the while she has been having an online relationship with Gunthar. He lives in Ohio and we live in Texas. he is also married and has made multiple trips to Texas to spend several days with her in a hotel. She lied to me and told me she had to go out of town for work. I can only imagine what Jeffrey told his wife.


 Jesus this all just batsh!t mad! She's 'carrying on' with somebody from here, on TAM

Looks like you've both cheated on the other over time and you need to call it a day


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

How do I know it was this Gunthar person? I found cards from him stating that he loved her "always and forever" and she admitted to it. I also found the scrapbook that they assembled together commemorating all their important cheating milestones.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Can we expect a return from her to carry on with the story from her side ? :scratchhead:


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

LIT, I'm glad you came on here. If anything to remind people not go off half co*ked. You two have decisions to make right now.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

Headspin....

I admit I cheated with my ex early on in my relationship with Mickie. I had unresolved issues and I screwed up. I had already decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with my current wife and had found closure with the ex and I have not cheated on her since.

I doubt she will be back on here as I have already informed her that I have read all the crap she has posted about me.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

Horizon...there are no decisions to make. As of last Monday she informed me she was in "love" with Gunthar (Jeffrey) and on Thursday I came home to an empty house. She has been planning this for a while. Can't wait until Gunthar's wife finds out.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

Half co*ked is right. It's amazing to see what people said about me based on only her side of the story.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

Lmao....I just read the part where she said she goes the extra mile for me. The only time she went the extra mile was when she was putting in all her effort to catch me doing something which I was NOT doing.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

You're in a better place then, good luck


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How did you find this thread/post? I am curious. Two years after the fact.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Come on, poster finds an old thread a full 2 years after the fact, which doesn't implicate him what so ever and feels the need to response..

pffft. BS

*IMO*


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> How did you find this thread/post? I am curious. Two years after the fact.


I was wondering the same thing. He seems to be finding and replying to any thread his wife either started herself, or ones she has replied too. From 2 years ago, up till now.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> How did you find this thread/post? I am curious. Two years after the fact.


I'm curious too..


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Well, I called him on it in his own thread, as well as in Gunthar's thread. He claims Gunthar told dixie 6 months before he posted one thread that he loves dixie. That's an amazing feat considering Guntar joined TAM less than a month before posting that thread. Now, does that mean it is impossible that Gunthar and dixie got together? No. But Livid's posts are highly suspect... no question about it.... and I call bullsh*t on it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, I called him on it in his own thread, as well as in Gunthar's thread. He claims Gunthar told dixie 6 months before he posted one thread that he loves dixie. That's an amazing feat considering Guntar joined TAM less than a month before posting that thread. Now, does that mean it is impossible that Gunthar and dixie got together? No. But Livid's posts are highly suspect... no question about it.... and I call bullsh*t on it.


You're probably right. But let's let him go on. He'll either explain the discrepencies or tighten the noose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

bandit.45 said:


> You're probably right. But let's let him go on. He'll either explain the discrepencies or tighten the noose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I still find it suspect but for what it's worth, from what I can see from the back side, it matches up. It wouldn't be the first time TAM member's hooked up.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> I still find it suspect but for what it's worth, from what I can see from the back side, it matches up. It wouldn't be the first time TAM member's hooked up.


Pretty sad.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

There is an ongoing thread in which OP admits she met her AP here.


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## LividInTexas (Mar 12, 2014)

For anyone raising the BS flag...please see my one and only thread on here for all the explanation you will ever need. I am not a troll. I am not a liar either.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> I still find it suspect but for what it's worth, from what I can see from the back side, it matches up. It wouldn't be the first time TAM member's hooked up.


Does LIT's IP address match Dixies?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

LividInTexas said:


> For anyone raising the BS flag...please see my one and only thread on here for all the explanation you will ever need. I am not a troll. I am not a liar either.


Livid, I did post in your thread.... and apologized.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

LividInTexas said:


> Half co*ked is right. It's amazing to see what people said about me based on only her side of the story.


Its not being half co#ked. It's making a conclusion based on the available information people had here at the time. If you had come here then instead of years later you could have given your side.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Doubles. Check 'em


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

If nothing else, this development shows that cheaters are very suspicious of others cheating. _"If I'm a piece of ****, others probably are too."_


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

DarkHoly said:


> If nothing else, this development shows that cheaters are very suspicious of others cheating. _"If I'm a piece of ****, others probably are too."_


The Karma bus comes in many shapes and sizes. This also shows how there * is* two sides to every story. This is why I treat every post as a hypothetical situation, you never really know what the other side is. Even my own responses are from my point of view, I'm sure my wife would have her own take on everything I have to say. This explains why a few members here have such popular threads and posts, it really is very interesting, informative and rare to hear both sides of an issue.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

If my W came here she would tell you all about how insensitive I am and how I could try harder around the house with chores and stuff, then she would tell you all about how I did not deserve what she did and how ashamed of herself she was and still is, she might even tell you how F'ked up I was from my first marriage which may/may not have hindered progress in ours, but most of all she would tell you how much she loves me, she called not 5 minutes ago to tell me whilst travelling on the way to the show this weekend.

I was secretly hoping this was going to be a good one and that it turned out that he was bi and having it away with his pizza delivery boys in a BDSM dungeon he built in the back store room, I almost like the troll threads in the sense that they try their hardest to fulfill all of our must have endings and situations.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Sorry about this whole situation. Your wife had trust issues. Were you totally transparent with her? Were you deleting text/email messages?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

DarkHoly said:


> If nothing else, this development shows that cheaters are very suspicious of others cheating. _"If I'm a piece of ****, others probably are too."_


:iagree:

Its called projection, and one of the red flags of cheating. Very often, the cheater will accuse the BS of cheating. This is partly to justify their own cheating in their minds, and to gaslight the BS, so that the BS doesn't suspect the WS of cheating. What better way of fooling your BS by accusing them of cheating?


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