# My husband's chatting escapade



## zaia_gurl (Dec 8, 2011)

Hi. I am confused and very lost right now. I am married to my husband for almost 5 years now and we have 2 beautiful kids. My dilemma started after few months of marriage. I am fully aware that he always had this obsession to chat online. At first, I wasn't alarmed since he never meets them and he also never kept any secrets from me. But lately, I noticed that, he started chatting more often and to only one girl. He calls her on the phone and getting a little too personal although it still didn't bother me as much because the girl lives in the different country, but now he became so secretive. So I spied on his computer and I found out that they are making love online. It really torn me apart big time, so I demanded that he stop talking to the girl and let the girl know that he is married, and he did for a while. Now hes trying to win her back so I decided to do an investigation myself to know more about the girl. I was shocked to find out that this is girl is also married. Now I am fearful that greater risk has put into place knowing that my husband and her are on the same boat. My husband assured me that its just time pass. I don't know what to think anymore. I want to just do my thing and let my husband do his fun but it is not happening. Its drowning me with doubts. Is there anybody that can give me some insights? But please refrain from judging me . Thank you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband is having an on-line affair. Do not kid yourself about how attached people can become online. I've seen it where a spouse just pick up one day and takes off to be with the on-line lover.

Why would you even consider letting him have 'his fun'? He's spending time with another woman instead of with you and your children.

Are you sure that you know the extent of what he is doing? It is only one woman? It's not unusual for there to be several online affairs going on... so that the cheating spouse has someone to play with when ever they can get online.

You need to handle this like any other affair. Your husband needs to stop his on-line chatting.

I'll suggest some books that I think will help. They are all by Dr. Harvey.

Surviving an Affair 
Love Busters
Surviving an Affair


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your husband is cheating on you. You called him out on his bullsh-t and he keeps doing it. So you need to instill some boundaries................he will continue to do this 1. for as long as he wants 2. until you stop tolerating it.

If you can contact her husand, do it and let him know his wife is up to no good w/ your husband.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Your husband is cheating on you. You called him out on his bullsh-t and he keeps doing it. So you need to instill some boundaries................he will continue to do this 1. for as long as he wants 2. until you stop tolerating it.
> 
> If you can contact her husand, do it and let him know his wife is up to no good w/ your husband.


:smthumbup::iagree:


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Dont agree with all the posters here who seem to be all women. Let your man have his fun. Its harmless and it cant hurt you. Its not worth ruining your marriage over it.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

accept said:


> Dont agree with all the posters here who seem to be all women. Let your man have his fun. Its harmless and it cant hurt you. Its not worth ruining your marriage over it.


You are full of horsesh!t. It is COMPLETELY damaging to a marriage. It is a betrayal both sexually and emotionally. When you get married, you are agreeing to sexual and romantic exclusivity with your spouse. What's not to understand?

It is not "just fun".


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

accept said:


> Dont agree with all the posters here who seem to be all women. Let your man have his fun. Its harmless and it cant hurt you. Its not worth ruining your marriage over it.


This is the second ignorant post I have seen from you and guess what? I have only read two of your posts. Seems like you have an ax to grind with people that are trying to save their relationships. I would suggest you find another a forum more suitable to your mindset because I do not believe your head is on right.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

accept said:


> Dont agree with all the posters here who seem to be all women. Let your man have his fun. Its harmless and it cant hurt you. Its not worth ruining your marriage over it.


I smell Troll.

To OP - He is cheating. Like the above poster said, it's time to make boundaries and show him you'll lose him if he keeps it up. Custody of children won't be in his favor if the courts know he broke the family up with his cheating.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

accept said:


> Dont agree with all the posters here who seem to be all women. Let your man have his fun. Its harmless and it cant hurt you. Its not worth ruining your marriage over it.


I think Accept is the same troll that keeps coming back every two weeks, spews the same bullsh!t, is anti-women, and gets banned. It's the same writing style over and over. Accept said in another thread how men should beat their wives.

So yeah... same fvcking troll. Get a hobby, dude. At least come up with mor einteresting material. Same sh-t, different week.

Lame.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

ok, so we are here for the original question and not for the points brought up by the responses. 

Some people have this weird idea that interacting with real people online is just a computer game. As Mr Accept has pointed out clearly. Some would also say that viewing pornography is the same innocent game. All you need to do is look around you to see that this is not true. These are real people. When you build a relationship on line it is a real relationship. The attachments are the same. Do you recall world of Warcraft? People became so wrapped up in the game that they wrecked their "real" lives. 

So Zaia, yes, you do have something to be worried about. The patterns you have seen are truly something to be worried about. There is a reason he has become secretive. Even a purely emotional affair is dangerous to a marriage. When you add in cyber sex or picture sharing, it becomes so close to a physical affair that the only difference is the chance of contracting or sharing a STD. 

Zaia, When you say you just want to let him have his fun, it reminds me of women who allow their husbands to visit strip clubs or prostitutes. I'm relatively sure that those activities would be on your no list. If So then he should not feel he has a right to "play" online with a real person.

M N


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I have only been here one week although I have made many posts. I have no idea who your previous troll was, and was therefore never banned. In fact I have now become a member. 
I dont use bad language. If you cant get your post across without it, it show how much value your point has.
I intend to further post here and am not afraid to say my opinion. Just because it doesnt coincide with the majority makes no difference to me. The person comes here for help and if I am able I will gladly do so. Again in this case I think she has nothing to fear. I will also say that I will only advise break up as a really last resort and all my posts reflect this. I believe anything should be done to stay together if at all possible. Just because one may have a better life elsewhere is no reason to break up as long as one can stay in this one. Marriage ought to be for life. 
Most people here seem to have one divorce under them and that is why they are so free and quick to offer this advice to others. A kind of join the club.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

accept said:


> Dont agree with all the posters here who seem to be all women. Let your man have his fun. Its harmless and it cant hurt you. Its not worth ruining your marriage over it.


Sorry but you are wrong. This is dangerous as hell. 
He is stepping through the first in a series of doors. They are all bad news. These things are easier to stop at this stage before it explodes. It is always easier to avoid a situation than it is to extricate yourself from it once it has occurred.

Draw a line in the sand girl. Make it stop now. Right now!


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I know from personal experience that this is dangerous to your relationship/marriage.

Put a stop to it and perhaps seek MC for both of you. The fog becomes so incredibly, stubbornly thick when it progresses that you cannot cut it without shock. For me, I determined divorce and that did not change a thing and so I am divorced.

accept: Marriage is not for open-ended relationships. Stay single. It, also, sounds as if you do not have the experience of being betrayed by someone you trusted. Go out and have some experiences that tear your heart apart and then come back and try to help others that have and are going through it.

Zaia: My best wishes for you in your difficult decisions. Just know you are not alone.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

*accept: Marriage is not for open-ended relationships. Stay single. It, also, sounds as if you do not have the experience of being betrayed by someone you trusted. Go out and have some experiences that tear your heart apart and then come back and try to help others that have and are going through it.*
True I dont. No thank you. I dont intend to have them.
I agree that it 'tears her heart apart'. I dont sanction it by any means. This happens to be a long distance thing. The question is what should she do about it not if its right.
For that I gave my reply. I realise that I am 'alone' and maybe that is because of my lack of experience in this and therefore may be wrong. But as I keep on saying one should try to keep a marriage going if at all possible. Others on here write continuously that the next one often turns out worse and regret the divorce.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

accept: This is not personal it just helps to have the experience. I remember I tried to help a friend that was grieving after a death and because I was very young at the time I had no real understanding never having gone through it.

There comes a time in a relationship if infidelity has occurred that this is the deal breaker or maker. It is about trust! And if you cannot trust the person you have intended to live your life with, what are you left with? Hard, hard work and PAIN.


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