# out of love with husband!!!



## hopelesslife (Feb 21, 2010)

Many reasons caused me out of love with him.generally to say he is too much contrlling.I'm not an adult for him. I cant make any decision .or if i do,i have to fight with him really bad. we have nothing in common or connect us.he spend his life with computer and TV. no sex for months is not unusual.........etc. etc. ect.......

Just feel so annoying when I see him at home. but don't know where to go ......


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## needhelphere (Feb 17, 2010)

Hoplesslife, I'm sorry you're feeling so badly about your marriage. I've been there for quite some time too. I posted something very similar just a few days ago, and he happened upon it, which was good for me because I didn't have to open the discussion. The thing is I was completely freaked out because he was furious that I had said such (very true) things about him. He was mostly embarrassed and had his feelings hurt, but at least the door was open at that point for discussion. Oh, and our issues have gone on for years and years. He's finally agreed to try to do some work on himself, and I've agreed to lighten up on my anxiety around/toward him while he gets through it.

There is a reason he annoys you so. If he's parenting you, that'll do it. Who the heck wants to sleep with their daddy? Have you tried to talk to him about the way you feel when he does not allow you to make decisions for yourself? He may be oblivious to the fact he's doing it if you have never confronted him about it. 

We have another similarity in that my H is a controller, but he's pretty okay with me making my own decisions unless I ask his opinion. In that case, he sees that as an invitation to make the decision for me and gets angry if I do not make the same choice he would. He doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying when I try to explain that I just want to make sure I'm considering every possible angle, that I value his opinions and viewpoints, and that I never ask for his opinion so he can make my decisions for me. He does not understand why I ask him in the first place and feels that if I value his opinion I will go with his choice. He has, in fact, asked me not to ask his opinion anymore. I'm going to try to consult with my friends instead about minor things and see how that goes. I'm a pretty analytical person, so it's going to be really hard.


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## hopelesslife (Feb 21, 2010)

Hi "needhelphere":

thank you for reply.
I did try to talk with him aboput the problems. but trouble is he never admitted we had problem.all he thought was I am so childish ,naive. and he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Always blame everything on me.......

I give up cummunicating with him. Now my door closed. I just hold up everything in my heart. And once in while I will get out of control and be mad at him.then we wil lhave bad argue or even fight.........

See my name,hopelesslife. I wanna divorce.but when i see my son is so happy with both of us being with him, i don't have the heart to break kid's dream....on the other hand when i think of my own life. I'm not even 30 years old,and i will live my life like a dying person the rest of life.................


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your son won't be happy if you continue to live like this. Tell your husband the truth - that you are NOT happy, and you don't CARE if he wants to blame it all on you because you will be leaving him if he doesn't change.

Then prepare to leave. It is likely the only way he will ever change, if he even does.


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## hopelesslife (Feb 21, 2010)

i don't know how serious he was.but once we had fight and i said i'm gonnna leave.he said if i'm not happy then leave.......i know he won't change his life style and how he act coz he's been like this for years.....


I'm going to leave when time is coming


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## hopelesslife (Feb 21, 2010)

do you still love him? i totally don't have any feeling of love for him. i don't want any intimacy with him. i'm ok with it if we don't have sex for months. but it doesn't mean i dont have desire.just no desire for him.



needhelphere said:


> Hoplesslife, I'm sorry you're feeling so badly about your marriage. I've been there for quite some time too. I posted something very similar just a few days ago, and he happened upon it, which was good for me because I didn't have to open the discussion. The thing is I was completely freaked out because he was furious that I had said such (very true) things about him. He was mostly embarrassed and had his feelings hurt, but at least the door was open at that point for discussion. Oh, and our issues have gone on for years and years. He's finally agreed to try to do some work on himself, and I've agreed to lighten up on my anxiety around/toward him while he gets through it.
> 
> There is a reason he annoys you so. If he's parenting you, that'll do it. Who the heck wants to sleep with their daddy? Have you tried to talk to him about the way you feel when he does not allow you to make decisions for yourself? He may be oblivious to the fact he's doing it if you have never confronted him about it.
> 
> We have another similarity in that my H is a controller, but he's pretty okay with me making my own decisions unless I ask his opinion. In that case, he sees that as an invitation to make the decision for me and gets angry if I do not make the same choice he would. He doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying when I try to explain that I just want to make sure I'm considering every possible angle, that I value his opinions and viewpoints, and that I never ask for his opinion so he can make my decisions for me. He does not understand why I ask him in the first place and feels that if I value his opinion I will go with his choice. He has, in fact, asked me not to ask his opinion anymore. I'm going to try to consult with my friends instead about minor things and see how that goes. I'm a pretty analytical person, so it's going to be really hard.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

hopelesslife said:


> i don't know how serious he was.but once we had fight and i said i'm gonnna leave.he said if i'm not happy then leave.......i know he won't change his life style and how he act coz he's been like this for years.....
> 
> 
> I'm going to leave when time is coming


He doesn't listen to you because he doesn't respect you. You aren't as important as him. He has you now, you're stuck, so he can just go on with life doing whatever the h&ll he wants, cos he knows you'll take whatever he decides to give you (nothing). 

So, until you are ready to tell him you WON'T take it any more - and here's the list of changes you expect - you're fine just leaving.

If you say you're going to leave, tell him NOW. Tell him now so that he knows you're serious, and has an opportunity to do something to keep you from leaving him. It's not fair to just leave without telling him why.


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## hopelesslife (Feb 21, 2010)

i can't now.coz have to deal with work,school and kid.if i leave now.i will lose the time with my son. and he knows i have nowhere to go,that's why he keep saying let me leave


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## Suzlea (Feb 25, 2010)

my husband treated me the same way.I told him, I had enough. Luckily, he knew I was serious and didn't want me to leave. He suggested counseling and it has been an amazing transformation. Maybe....even if he doesn't want to go...it would be good for you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You're married, right? You have a child with him, right? Then he legally owes you at least child support, if not more. Why don't you visit a lawyer? You can get a free consultation with most of them, just to know where you stand. You are letting him railroad your life because you don't know what power you have.

Even if you don't plan to leave him right away - and who knows, he may wake up and become the husband you thought he was, once he knows you're serious about leaving - just knowing your options will give you courage to tell him the truth.


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