# Here we go.... All on the table...



## iwontletgo (Feb 11, 2011)

Ok. so here we go, I never thought in my life I would be the one writing something like this cause I always had the issue where my girlfriend would cheat on me or leave me for whatever reason. but here I am, I'm the one that ****ed up, on more than one occasion and in more than one way. First off, the relationship I have with my "wife" is great, she takes great care of me and does a lot for me. sometimes we have our rough spots, but who doesn't. Unfortunately, before we were a couple, we cared for each other and had a lot of feelings and had a lot of fun, but we were both in other relationships. Being around each other helped us both realize that we needed to move on and that moving on into each others arms is what we wanted. While in the process of this I made a huge mistake, something that many of you will agree is damn near unacceptable, I slept with her best friend. I went on a business trip less than a week after it happened, she had planned on joining me for a very special event in my line of work, but she didn't come because I had screwed it up... Unfortunately it doesn't stop there.

We worked past that after a long hard road and right about when it seemed like things were back into the right direction of the american dream with the family and the house and the dog and me growing a gut, I seemed to screw it up again. This time I reverted to some behaivor i did when I was single and I went onto craigslist looking for sex. I never intended to go through but it was wrong for me to do it in the first place. 

THEN, yes a then, I know I'm a horrible person, I was texting an ex about sex and seeing her for the purpose of sex. did i really intend to see her, no, but again, its wrong in the first place. 

At this point I'm having an issue writing this because I can't believe she still loves me. This has me fighting more for it, but things happened again. 

My ex came and visited me, now a brief history, this woman had me arrested and still loves me and would take me back if i gave her the chance, well she came over to talk and try and get back with me and i said hell no, i turned down every advance and I want nothing to do with her. But I failed to tell the one I love upright and right away and now this is causing the biggest rift ever and I feel like an amazing ass, like I don't deserve her, but I love her and want to be that man for her and want to give her what she wants, I want to be that man that she dreams about again. It sucks when she tells you that she feels awkward being near me. I want nothing but the affection that we once had, the love that we once had and the feelings. I have to try harder than ever before, but unfortunately I'm definately not the smartest person in the world. So here I go, step ONE of reality. I have an issue with lying and not showing her how I really feel. No more temptation, no more doing anything for ****s and giggles. I've been close enough to death to know that life is only worth living if your with the one you love. So here we go, my last chance to come to grips with this. She doesn't want to make this work, but its going to be a war to make things work. But the war is going to be worth. here we go, like a dedicated soldier I will walk forward into what seems like an endless and unwinnable war just in the hopes that I will win and will be able to call her mine....

If you all have any advice or experiences which helped you and your other get through these tough times, I would really appreciate it... Or if you want to call me a scumbag, I totally deserve it...


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

Well I am not sure for the advise part... I guess stop breaking the law... (lol from Liar Liar)

I will say that your lack of self control kinda makes me feel a little bit better about myself. I know that does you no good, but I have been beating the ever loving crap out of myself mentally so in an odd way you did some good today. I hope that you can come to better understanding of why you do what you do and I hope it hurts less than the understanding I am gaining. I miss my denial...


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

My advise would be to figure out what in you said that this was okay behaviour, and then sort it out. Consciously, you obviously KNOW it was wrong, what you did. BUT a lot of behaviour isn't concious. Maybe some stuff left over from childhood. Maybe some of your deeply held beliefs about trust. SOMETHING in you is saying that this is an okay way to handle things. You need to find that something, doing deep emotional work to uproot it and confront it. See a councillor and start doing some serious deep emotional work on yourself. Otherwise you'll just do the same thing again.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

just so Im clear...

ur relationship/marriage? started with both of you cheating on your then S.O.'s.. then you betrayed her by cheating with her BF while still cheating on original S.O... Somehow sorted out that mess... became H/W... then you started seeking out or soliciting random sexual encounters on craigslist... Then started solicting ex's for random sex... Then had secret meeting with another ex (assuming same original ex you betrayed with current W). Now you wanna fix the whole mess with W ?


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

Just want to thank pandakiss because I think thats what my partner is going thru. Also want to ask the OP how they're doing and what they think of the advice so far?


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