# Declining Bedroom Action?



## LadyWolf15 (May 18, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have no kids though I've expressed my desire on numerous occasions to start a family as we are in our late 20's (that's another discussion for another day). We used to make love about every other day when we first got married. Now, due to work schedules and other things we're lucky to brush skin twice a week. Recently, it's turned from making love to more "let's just have sex". There's no emotion, no love behind it anymore. A lot of my needs haven't been met and I've told him how to remedy this many times. It's like he doesn't care. He wants it now and he doesn't feel he should have to work for it anymore which leave me feeling sore and slightly used. The lack of action he's getting because of how he makes me feel has been upsetting him now as well. He keeps asking why we don't have sex more often and why when we do it's not very good. When I told him that it's gotten to the point that I don't wish to partake as my needs prior to were not being met, he stated that he was always too tired to put forth the effort of trying to "get me in the mood". Anyone have any suggestions for what I might be able to do to maybe fix this? It is really grating on our marriage and our attitudes towards each other.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You have explained it pretty well. The question is how he will react if you spell it out to him.

Men don't always get hints and subtlties so maybe you need to whisper it in his ear the next time he initiates sex. Tell him in a husky vulnerable voice that you want him to make love with lots of foreplay and if he just wants to fvck you without foreplay, then you'll give him a hand job with baby oil.

If he has met your needs in the past but is no longer, that is disturbing. It suggests that he is not emotionally engaged. A man who loves a woman should want to make her orgasm and enjoy doing it.

The male ego does not take to being humliated or embarrassed. So, you may also wish to cushion your message.

I don't know about your husband but for me and maybe a lot of other men the smell of a healthy baby kitty is very much a turn on. maybe you could surprize him by bringing a finger or two impregnated with the honey suckle odor up to he nose and asking him what it is. 

His reward for guessing correctly should be to go south and go to it for a while.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

So he was being lazy just because he could and now that sex frequency is compromised he has a problem.

Seems very selfish. 

You are going to need to teach him what is acceptable behavior.


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## JerryB (Feb 13, 2014)

LadyWolf15 said:


> He keeps asking why we don't have sex more often and why when we do it's not very good.
> 
> When I told him that it's gotten to the point that I don't wish to partake as my needs prior to were not being met,


It's odd that you painted a really great picture to us about what was going on, and how he made you feel, and how you got sore, etc.

But when he asks you why frequency and quality has gone down, you answered in bizarre-speak. As a guy, hearing "My needs aren't being met" is like... dishes didn't get done? you treated my mom badly? you gave a crummy Valentine's gift 3 years ago? who knows.

Then again, maybe that's not what you actually said. 

So he said he's too tired to put forth the effort? Yet sex should be awesome on your end? His logic is broken.

You know what this scenario looks like 10 years from now? His sorry ass on this web site complaining that you're cold and withholding sex to once or less a month. That you never initiate, and he feels rejected. And he has no idea why.

Maybe you can talk to him again (Communication is always key) and say that maybe quality is what you should both aim at. WHEN he's not so tired, he should go for it and GIVE graciously, and receive great, intimate sex in return. If he's too tired, he's just going to have to give up quantity. Just like anything else he's too tired to do well.


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

What exactly does it take to get you "in the mood?" If its a pleasant day of interaction, a foot rub and some warm tender embraces then that's fine. If it requires a long drawn out process of several steps lasting several hours than that's ridiculous.

This situation is ALL communication. You, and most women for that matter, need to be open and say exactly what you want/need. Men should do the same. If he's truly interested in pleasing you and likewise for you, it should be easy. HELL no kids would be a freakin dream for my scenario. I'm constantly being thwarted by kids activities, sickness, drama, etc

Long Walk - I pretty sure both men and women don't like being embarrassed and humiliated. It doesn't sound like the OP was being too harsh at all to me


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

If he's too tired for foreplay he's being lazy and selfish.


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