# I would appreciate some honest feedback.



## hurtandconfused42

Hi everyone.
Today will be exactly my second Xmas separated from my wife, we'll be almost 2 years separated...and we have a toddler who's our life.
We've been through a lot along our marriage, as well as personally..we've been separated and for more that I tried to reconnect with her, she keeps pushing me aside, now is Xmas eve, she send me a text message the last week asking me what I would in Xmas, and if I would like to spent time with her and my daughter, anyhow I invite her to come over for dinner to the apt. that I am currently renting now. she came over, we had dinner and for my surprise she told me that she's in a different path and although she has feelings for me..sound to me that she's already moving without hopes to go to counseling, etc.
Why she did that? I don't understand it at all..


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## blownaway

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, especially on Christmas Eve. I don't really know what that's all about, except that your wife is obviously sitting on the fence in terms of what she wants out of your relatinship. It's the old "I love you, but am not in love you" story. Are you sure there's no one else in her life? If I could ask, what has been the motivation to be separated for two years without any action either way - reconciliation or divorce? That's an awful long time to leave things just sitting in status quo. I know the feeling of not wanting to force a decision because the inclination is to just sit tight and not push. You think, "if I had just hung on a little longer, maybe it would all be okay". But, at the same time, there is YOUR mental and emotional health that is at stake here. You are sitting in this unhealthy state of limbo and you've been sitting there a long time. I unfortunately can't tell you what to do, but I wonder if giving your spouse a complete 180 would snap her into making some sort of decision. Again, I'm sorry she felt the need to drop a bomb like that on a major holiday. I don't know what these people are thinking, but I have to think there is a place in hell for a lot of them. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I believe I will get through this life without purposely choosing to cause extreme pain and destruction to another human being, especially one that I professed to love. ... hang in there and try to come up with a plan after the holiday.


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## notreadytoquit

I agree with blownaway, that there maybe someone else in your wifes life. From what I have seen on this forum in 99% percent of the cases the spouse almost never leaves unless there is someone else on the side. And if there is someone else, there is nothing you can do or say until that person does not completely go away.


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