# i dont know if i should tell him



## silkgirl123 (May 6, 2011)

i been marry for 4 years ...6 month ago i found a new job and i met this guy there who will always tell me nice things , listen to me , and well i began to like this guy.. we would spend some time together after work...until we kissed, n then we became intimate. that only happen one time and afterwards i felt guilty, so idecided not to see him anymore.
the 3 months later i meet another guy, it started as friends, i would have so much fun with him, until one day we spend time over a friends house and we got intimate. After that he told me that he really like me, and well i felt the same. i felt so bad because i was married and i had this other feelings for this guy, well we spend almost everyday toguether before and after work. until one day he started noticing i was acting different and decided on telling me not to go to work anymore. i didnt want to do that , but i stop going to work, and now after weeks of thinking , i feel bad inside when i alone with him or sometimes i think about it and dont know what to do ,,i feel as if this was killing me inside, i still have feeling for the other guy, but then i think what ca i do about it...im married and have 2 kids with him...and sometimes i just feel like telling him the truth but im affraid that would end really bad...what should i do?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Tell. 

And stop putting yourself in these situations. They happened coz you let them.

Good luck. And try individual therapy before you tell him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to figure out why you are seeking out different men outside of your marriage. This wans't a one-guy thing. You are now on Guy 2.

Yes, tell your husband.

The only reason you havent told him yet is cause you know what you did was wrong, so in essence, you are covering for your own reasons (to save your bum). That is no good. He has a right to know you've been unfaithful...w/ two different guys.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Whether you tell him or not is up to you but I certainly think you owe it to him to get out of the marriage. Obviously you have given us no details but it sure seems apparent to me that you don't love him. You've only been married for 4 years and you are on to guy #2?


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## silkgirl123 (May 6, 2011)

yes our marriage..its complicated, because i know its wrong but we got married because i was pregnant. so i tought through out the years i was going to love him.. but during the past years he started talking to his ex..he says that nothing happen...n well i guess thats why i did those things even tough i know it wasnt the right thing either.
now that i feel its best for us to not be together for the things we done to each other, i tell him and he says he doesnt want to , and that he loves me ...its new to me cause he has never expressed like that before. and also i feel its complicated because now we have 2 kids together.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Marrying someone beause you're pregnant but you don't love them = disaster


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Right. And not once in any of your posts have you claimed that you loved him. So I realize it is difficult with the children but they will be better off in the long run too.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

souds like you need to get your priorities in order stating with not sleeping with every dude that tells you nice things!

heres a little secret alot of guys will tell you anything just to get laid.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Wow, I'm in a time machine

Hi Mrs. the guy it was 15 years ago and you slept with your 1st guy after marring me. I knew something was up but buried my head in the sand. by the time OM #2 came around I was pretty much done with the marriage and ignored your behavior. Both of us are just to full with resentment.

So as our 2 kids grow we both did our part and when it came to alone time you did your thing and I did mine. Thinking we both were cheating on each other.

So my time machine has jumped about 5 more years and I work all the time and Mrs. the guy is out with her friends and you are on guy #5 or 6 you stopped counting.

The resentment has snow balled and the unhealthy marraige is a matter of convenience. I still don't want to know about your sleeping around b/c I stay busy with my growing career. We both drink like fish and we meet our unhappiness in our own way.

So the time machine has jumped another 5 years so roughly 15 years into the marraige we both are doing our own thing. the kids stuggle through highschool and you are on guy #10 and I stop caring what you do by know. Niether of us care about each other b/c the resentment is stronger then our love.

So with in a few years your self esteem is been broken down by your guilt and my neglect that now ONS's are normal for you and your behavior is so dangerous that I wonder why the cops haven't found a 35 year old female dead on the side of the road. But we continue our unhealthy and unhappy behaviors. The kids see it and we just stay married.

I have sex with you when ever i want b/c I know what a sl*t you have become. You are now leaving in the middle of the night after I go to bed. Its bad....I mean real bad.

I finally confront you 19 years into the marraige and you are on guy # 20. For the last 15 years we both leed this lie of a marraige, because we never resolved our issues in why I neglected you and you had to take that 1st step in sleeping around.

Now I guess it got so easy for both of us to do the things we did. 

I wish we had addressed our proplems before you f*cked that 1st guy....You wish you would have told me about that 1st guy. We both hate the why we behaved and how it effected our family, when alls we had to do was talk. Confront the issues instead of finding unhealthy way to find happiness. 

Sure we could have split up before the damage was done but we didn't. we stayed quite...with your secretes while I stayed quite with the fact that everytime you told me about the "girls night out" you would be getting laid. 

We never talked about it once and it just got worse for the whole damb family.

silkgirl123-
Sorry for the time machine ride. I hope it wasn't confussing, But I can see where you and Mr. silkgirl123 will be in the future.

He's not stupid why do think he wanted you to quit that job? He just seems so much like me and what you have said so far you seem so muck like Mrs. the guy. I hope I'm wrong!

Please open this can of worms and get it out in the open to be talked about, learned from, and even if the both of you move on from each other you will know the pain that it caused.

Expose this grap out of it and give him the choice to stay or go, but learn from it and know this is not the way to be happy....I mean real long term healthy happy.

You have a chance to really understand your self and the void in your marraige by making the both of you face this sh*t. If you do not you will continue to behave this way with or with out your husband. Tell him for you, then its his choice.

Don't be affraid so put your big girl pants on and own this BS and learn. What you decide will effect you 20 years from now, so choose wisely. Be strong except the consequences and learn from them...no matter what.. be the better person that you want to be for you and learn. 

Again what you decide will effect you in years to come, so how do you want to feel about your self years from now? Hopeful not like Mrs. the guy. What do you want to leave your kids?

Please air this out...get rid of this behavior for your self, your kids, and our husband or your next relationship. 

Believe me if she had to do it all over again she would have left 15 years ago, instead she has alot of bad memories.


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