# Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate



## marriedguy

Alright, ladies..teach me how I can have my wife interested in masturbating...

Reason?

She has never, ever masturbated..only touched herself to clean herself..she doesn't seem to have a very high sex drive at all yet can orgasm with no problem, and seems to love sex when we have it.

She very rarely initiates any intimacy, waits around for it..can easily go over a week without showing interest. I am the opposite, and I have told her that I masturbate. At first she thought I was weird, but now she doesn't care.

I've asked her about her masturbating while we are together, and she thinks it's gross. She doesn't want to touch herself.
But I think it would be good for her to explore a little on her own, and get a feel for what she likes. I'm thinking it may just be the door to a sexual awakening for her..

She is a bit overweight..and is pretty insecure about her body, although I think and always tell her that I think she is very pretty, sexy...that she turns me on like crazy..
But still, she's shy about her body, about showing it all to me sometimes. Maybe that has something to do with her not wanting to touch herself? That she doesn't like her own body?

So, what do you say, ladies? Have any of you spent over 25 years without ever masturbating..touching yourself sexually? Did anyone start masturbating at a later age? 
What led to that? Is there anything that I, as her husband, can do to help her experience this?

Thank you very much for any advice.


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## magnoliagal

Let me say this as gently as I can. Let it go. Why are you so set on having her masturbate when she clearly doesn't want to? She doesn't have a high drive so what is the point?


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## Grayson

Why are you so intent on her doing something she doesn't want to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment

Hey marriedguy ~

If your wife is LD, she may actually be very satisfied with the sex that you have and therefore have absolutely no desire to masturbate. I rarely have to masturbate because, well, my husband pretty much keeps me busy. 

As well, it is something that she has to want to do. I don't know exactly how you would convince her to do it if she doesn't want to.

However, does she let you manually stimulate her? Or orally stimulate her? And, is she willing to manually/orally stimulate you? If so, I would use those as the vehicles to connect with her.

Back in the early days of our marriage when my husband was probably something like you and I just couldn't keep up with him, he asked me if I would participate in helping him masturbate. He didn't expect me to masturbate as well if I didn't want to, but he wanted me to either help him, or hold him while he did it. I think he was just trying to get me to participate in any way he could without putting any pressure on me. 

I don't know if that would work for you if your wife is willing. It did help us connect more and did give me more of a glimpse of his sexuality, which in turn helped me with mine. We rarely have to do this anymore - I don't really think I could lay beside him and hold him while he did it without participating now.


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## marriedguy

alright..
but my question is then..
Is there any chance of a women masterbating that has never masterbated in her life? Given the situation?
What do you ladies think and has anyone been in a similar situation?

Enchantment..did you masterbate before your husband tried doing it with you? Or is it only something that you got comfortable with time..

I think a woman masterbating is extremely sexy..and shows she is sexually intune with herself...
Not saying she absolutely must do it..just saying I think its healthy..find it weird that she never has..

What if I ask her to do it (playing with her clitoris) while we are getting intimate? Or giving her a dildo to play with herself while Im penetrating or her?


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## Grayson

If she's never done it, it's probably because she's never wanted to.

Which brings me right back to my question: why so intent on her doing something she doesn't want to do?

So you think it's sexy. Great. If she doesn't want to do it...let it go. Otherwise, what if she finds it sexy for you to, say, hang from the ceiling suspended by Mr. Happy? ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating

The thing about it being 'sexy' is when the person is genuinely excited to take part. If you push for your own reasons, you could risk her feeling even more closed about it. She's already told you she thinks it's gross. If anything, I'd try concentrating on showing her how beautiful her body is. Maybe this will help her eventually embrace herself more and help her feel like the sexy woman she is. Confidence goes hand in hand with feeling sexually in-tune.


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## marriedguy

Yeah your right heartsbreaking..
Ive kinda screwed up the whole intimacy thing in our marriage by always pushing the bounderies..my wife is a very peacefull..happy..sensitive individual..shes definitely not the wild type, and my persistence has driven any wildness she had right out of her...keep asking myself..how can a person be that delicate?


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## heartsbeating

marriedguy said:


> *my wife is a very peacefull..happy..sensitive individual*


Then you are a very lucky man :smthumbup:

Think of her and what _she_ needs and desires sexually, communicate openly, and maybe over time you'll see her opening up more. Or maybe this is just the way she is, and you learn to accept that?


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## Laurae1967

I think if she's not feeling confident about herself and her body, she may be inhibited. If she has never masturbated, she probably has some issue around it being bad or that her lady parts are icky or whatever. 

Are you sure she is having real orgasms while you have sex? If she's never given herself an orgasm, it would be surprising she would have them through intercourse. Does she allow you to give her oral?


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## triton1984

My wife had not done this before either, but with the introduction of a toy....I got her to take over showing me how it felt best. That along with her realizing how it turned me on to see her touch herself has changed her mind. We are now up to her masturbating with and without me. While I agree with posters that say you can't push her if she doesn't want to....I will also say that my wife was of the same belief. She basically thought masterbating was only a guy thing, but she would now admit she was wrong and that it has opened her up. Her orgasms have increased in number and intensity. BTW, the magic wand is her favorite ;-)


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## Enchantment

marriedguy said:


> Yeah your right heartsbreaking..
> Ive kinda screwed up the whole intimacy thing in our marriage by always pushing the bounderies..my wife is a very peacefull..happy..sensitive individual..shes definitely not the wild type, and my persistence has driven any wildness she had right out of her...keep asking myself..how can a person be that delicate?


Well, it's good that you understand some of what your role is in all of it, but don't dwell on the past. Quit kicking yourself over what you did in the past, and just start moving forward by being patient and confident with her now.

You also need to get to the point of acceptance, as in accepting she is a different person than you and she does have different sensibilities, wants, needs, and desires. It would be good if you could concentrate on trying to figure out what some of those things are for her and try and meet them. 

And one thing I don't quite know either, but Laurae mentioned above - are you sure that your wife is being sexually fulfilled? Here's an article for you to read and mull over: Frigidity and sexual coldness in normal women: the shocking secret.


IF she ever gets to the point where she is willing to be more open, there are a lot of things that she could read or look into such as the following:

http://www.amazon.com/Sexually-Shy-Inhibited-Womans-Guide/dp/0984057463

http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=pd_sim_b_2

And the following book, for which there is also a website with some 'to do' activites:

http://www.amazon.com/Sexually-Confident-Wife-Connecting-Husband/dp/0767926064/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1309440162&sr=1-1

Sexually Confident Wife by Author Shannon Ethridge | Female Sexuality, Sex In Marriage | Available From Random House


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## FieryHairedLady

I would say introduce some fun toys in and at least you can enjoy using them on her. Who knows? Maybe she will have such fun she will want to use them on herself?


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## michzz

The man may have worded his question in a way that made him sound pretty superficial. But I think he is really asking for a way to get his wife to evolve her lack if interest into enthusiasm.

He's not strictly asking for a performance.

Some women change in their interests over time. 

So he's not out of line looking for a spark.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> I would say introduce some fun toys in and at least you can enjoy using them on her. Who knows? Maybe she will have such fun she will want to use them on herself?


If she is very inhibited, though, realize that trying to do this may not help the situation. I can remember back in the earlier days of my relationship with my husband, I would likely have not been receptive to this kind of idea as it might have made me feel that I was just something for his sexual release. He would have been doing something for HIS pleasure without taking into consideration where I was at.

The key is trying to understand where your wife is AT and trying to meet the sexual needs that she has THERE - not always wondering why she is not where YOU are at and trying to get her to where you are.

It's like you are running in a race together. If you are consistently running faster than she is, trying to get her to run faster when she just can't, trying to force her will be counter-productive. She may get tired of the pressure and want to drop out of the race.

However, if you drop back to her pace and work on 'coaching' her in the way she needs, she may be able to eventually pick her up pace. And in the meantime, the time you are together doing this can still be very satisfying.


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## magnoliagal

Who says it's healthy? I'm pretty open and even I'm not comfortable doing the things you want your wife to do. I feel like you are too focused on what you aren't getting and less on what you are. That's a slippery slope and that my friend is NOT healthy. Trust me I've been there and it does not end well. The other person just feels they've failed you somehow. 

Let me say this again. LET. IT. GO. The more you push the more she will resist. Appreciate the woman you have. If you can do that without expectations she might just might blossom right in front of your eyes. What you are doing will never work.


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## marriedguy

Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?

Im gonna focus on the future..
I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..


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## heartsbeating

marriedguy said:


> Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
> Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
> Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
> I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?
> 
> Im gonna focus on the future..
> I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..


I actually did think this is why you wanted her to masturbate - a person in touch with their sexuality are less inhibited, more confident sexually, and therefore can have more fun in the bedroom. My answers still stand the same. 

In saying that, if she's fine with you going down on her, she might be fine for you to use a toy on her. Once this happens, and could be a lot of fun, chances are she will start using the toy by herself over time. You have said you've pushed too much in the past, so I'd suggest you approach the toy-purchasing with delicacy if you go that route.


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## Therealbrighteyes

marriedguy said:


> Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
> Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
> Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
> I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?
> 
> Im gonna focus on the future..
> I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..


Oh come on! Your real objective here is for her to pleasure herself so that she is more willing to have sex with you. Don't paint it as some altruistic thing. 
You cannot make a woman want to masturbate, they either do or don't. Period. 
I really would suggest a sex therapist. I know it sounds lame and weird but a woman who doesn't masturbate has some deep fears. Body issues or worse, sexual problems from childhood where she was taught that this was wrong, so wrong in fact that she doesn't have a drive anymore.


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## Grayson

marriedguy said:


> Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
> Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
> Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
> I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?
> 
> Im gonna focus on the future..
> I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..


Think of your absolute least favorite thing to do in the world.

How can someone "make" you want to do it?

Once more, with feeling: if she _doesn't want to do it_,

*LET

IT

GO!!!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriedguy

Just got a hard time letting it go..I dont talk to het about
wanting her to masterbate anymore..but I hope a toy will help
make some progress..


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## nicole2009

I do not masturbate and never have. I do not enjoy it and I have a high sex drive. I do let my husband please me that way and through oral. We have used toys before but again, only with him. I would say don't push the issue.


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## marriedguy

Nicole, how do you know you dont enjoy it if you have never tried?
What is it about it thats stopping you from getting adventurous..doing it just for the heck of it, to see how you like it?

I have a feeling that you and my wife are very similar this way, where both love sex but never even had the tempation to touch themselves..
BUt if you love sex so much, if your husband told you it turned him on that you masterbate in front of him, would you not do it? Just to have some fun?
Why always set limitations in the bedroom? I dont get it..
Thats why me and my wife arent intimate very often anymore, I dont like to be the only one wanting to explore..trying different things..


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## nicole2009

I am willing to try anything with him and have tried anything he wanted. I have done it for him during foreplay but I did not enjoy it.


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## dojo

Well, I am a woman and have no interest in pleasuring myself. I've got my man for this and I think you should actually be happy she's pleased with you enough to not be willing to take the edge of herself.

So, I'd say just let the woman enjoy YOU and work together on new ways to make both happy.

To be honest, if I saw my man doing this when we have sex, I'd be disgusted. Why am I in bed with him, if he needs his hand?


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## PBear

Watching my GF pleasure herself by hand or with a toy is a very erotic experience. She also apparently enjoys watching me pleasure myself too, as she's asked me to do that.

However... Different strokes for different folks. If she's not into it, I'd let it go. Find something else she IS into. Or start with baby steps. See if you can guide her hand to stimulate herself during intercourse. Or even hold herself open during oral. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dalayla

I think it is great when husband is concerned about his wife's sexuality. And why is considered selfish? We all like sex, and we all want our partners to enjoy and want it as much as we do. I started to masturbate late, and before I thought it was just not my thing. Now I know it so is. It actually fixed many problems. The minute I got intimate with myself, my sexuallity boosted and orgasms got so intense. I think it's great. However, I have reached that point myself, beacuse I wanted to.


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## Sawney Beane

For quite a long time now, the conventional wisdom has been that the female partner should masturbate, in order than she can become aware of her own sexuality and understand what feels good to her, in order to be able to guide her male partner to do what she wants in order that sex is mutually improved.

This has become mainstream advice. I think the OP shouldn't really be too beaten up for having bought into this idea.


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## Parrothead

marriedguy said:


> Alright ladies..teach me how I can have my wife interested in masterbating..
> Reason?
> She has never, ever masterbated..only touched herself to clean herself..she doesnt seem to have a very high sex drive at all..yet can orgasm no problem, and seems to love sex when we have it..
> She very rarely initiates any intimacy, waits around for it..can easily go over a week without showing interest..
> I am the opposite, and I have told her that I masterbate..first she thought I was weird, now she doesnt care..
> 
> Ive asked her about her masterbating while we are together, she thinks its gross..she doesnt want to touch herself..
> but
> I think it would be good for her to explore a little on her own, get a feel for what she likes..Im thinkin it may just be the door to a sexual awakening for her..
> 
> She is a bit overweight..and is pretty insecure about her body, although I think and always tell her that I think she is very pretty, sexy...that she turns me on like crazy..
> but still..shes shy about her body, about showing it all to me sometimes..Maybe that has part to do with her not wanting to touch herself? That she doesnt like her own body?
> 
> So, what do you say ladies..have any of you spent over 25 years without ever masterbating..touching yourself sexually?
> Anyone started masterbating at a later age?
> What led to that, is there anything that I as her husband can do to help her experience this?
> 
> Thank you very much for any advice..


Why don't you do it for her?


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## SimplyAmorous

My only thought on this is ....if her sex drive is low to begin with and you get her to masterbate , she may not want YOU the next night. I'd be very upset if my husband masterbated cause then he wouldn't have anything left for me when I want it! He tells me now I overmilked my cow. 

I think it would be good to get her involved in pleasuring you as much as you can -kinda like what Enchantment was referring too, and you reaching for her, as this is "comfortable" for her - for now. 

Even me, Mrs Libito here, I have no desire to masterbate in front of my husband, never did this in my life. I asked him once if that would turn him on -since I was reading posts on here about men who would like their wives to do this and he said "Yes, he would enjoy it" - I let him know I would probably still feel strange about that , and he said that is OK , cause us touching each other is the ultimate anyway.

Maybe think about buying a DVD to watch all about various Sex toys, get some talking going , and see if she may want to try anything they are displaying. 

Amazon.com: Loving Sex - Toys for Great Sex: Hosted by Dr. Patti Britton. Featuring Juli Ashton., Alexander Institute: Movies & TV


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## annagarret

I can sort of identify with your wife. I didn't start masturbating until I was 31 (now 39). I had really never thought about it much. I guess I thought it was more of a selfish act, because it would have been done without my husband. I changed when I went into an adult novelty store to buy a sexy costume to wear for my husband and I saw all the vibrators and dildos. I started wondering what it would feel like to use one. So I bought one and I love it!!! It definatley makes me feel more sexual about myself. I just feels so good. Maybe suggest this with you wife, when you are down on her, ask her to show you WITH HER HAND what feels good and you then do it with your mouth or hand, that way she is touching herself too!!


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## GPC2012

Grayson said:


> If she's never done it, it's probably because she's never wanted to.
> 
> Which brings me right back to my question: why so intent on her doing something she doesn't want to do?
> 
> So you think it's sexy. Great. If she doesn't want to do it...let it go. Otherwise, what if she finds it sexy for you to, say, hang from the ceiling suspended by Mr. Happy? ;-)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think I understand the OP. I myself have just recently breached the subject of my wife masturbating for me. I love to masturbate her and give her tremendous orgasms through masturbation. There are times when I am performing oral on her that if she stimulated her clitoris the mere sight/feel of her hand there "helping me out" is so erotically and sexually exciting it blows my mind. The sight of (if it ever happens) my wife masturbating while we are being intimate and working our way toward the actual act almost gives me an orgasm all by itself. It's very erotic and in my mind one of the biggest turn ons for me. We all have our buttons, my biggest one is the thought and hopes of watching my wife make herself orgasm for me. Yes it's very selfish to want her to do it for ME. But I think we all do things for our spouses that are not our favorite. Now keep in mind I would never force, bully, or demand it. But damn it sure would be exciting. I'll end this by challenging you to say you have never done anything to try and excite your husband. Hope I haven't come off as a jackass. sorry if I have


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## Vega

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I know it sounds lame and weird but a woman who doesn't masturbate has some deep fears. Body issues or worse, sexual problems from childhood where she was taught that this was wrong, so wrong in fact that she doesn't have a drive anymore.


Or MAAAAAYBEEEEEEE, she simply doesn't feel the _physical_ need to masturbate because she's not horny enough to do so.

Nothing 'wrong' with that.


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## SilentLucidity

I just want to say this. Sometimes you men think in very rudimentary, typical sex vid ways of how women achieve orgasm via masturbation (self stimulation). The actual Act of self-stimulation is not a show. It's not smoke and mirrors and all the cutesy art that you think it is that is put on for you. It is all about getting there, just like when you masturbate. I'm sure the ladies reading this posted thread know exactly what I mean. We know exactly how to get there 😂 and trust me so do your wives that you think don't

Sent from my SM-N920T using Tapatalk


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## Holdingontoit

Anytime you find yourself thinking or say "I want you to want to ...." stop. Just stop. It never works out well.

I understand the temptation to think that if she masturbated more, she would be more into sex with you. Might even be true. But wanting to get her to think that way is going to get you into all sorts of trouble. And as several of the ladies here have pointed out, not necessarily true. Masturbation is not sex. Masturbation is about selfishness and efficiency. Sex is about interacting. If she really liked being selfish and efficient, that might not cause her to want more interaction. In fact, the exact opposite might occur. Once she gets hers by herself quickly and easily, she might not want to invest in spending alot of time lying there while you fumble around. And no, she will never tell you that.


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## Fozzy

zombie!!!!!!!!


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## Young at Heart

marriedguy said:


> Yeah your right heartsbreaking..
> Ive kinda screwed up the whole intimacy thing in our marriage by always pushing the bounderies..my wife is a very peacefull..happy..sensitive individual..shes definitely not the wild type, and my persistence has driven any wildness she had right out of her...keep asking myself..how can a person be that delicate?


BINGO! The sex therapist that worked with my wife and me on healing our sex starved marriage asked my Catholic raised wife if she had ever masturbated? My wife said no and that she felt it was a sin and if she had those kind of urges, she had a husband to take care of them. 

The sex therapist was stunned. I am convinced she never masturbated and never will. As she explained to me as a teenager girl "educated" in an all girls catholic convent school taught by nuns, she was taught that masturbation was sinful and evil. If she even thought about it she was required to "confess" to a male priest about her thoughts/actions and pray for forgiveness. After being assured that my wife had and knew what an orgasm was, the sex therapist gave up on getting my wife to masturbate. I suggest you give up as well.

My wife doesn't seem to have a problem with my masturbating but after 45 years of marriage, I am sure she knows I will go to hell no matter what she tries to tell me.

Seriously, you can't change your wife and you shouldn't try to make he change to do what you want. You can negotiate with her, but ultimately the decision is hers and not yours.

Find other things to focus on than getting her to do something you want her to do.

Good luck.


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## 225985

Forum Rule 17: Thou shall not zombie.


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## EleGirl

This thread is about 6 years old.. the OP is not reading.... 

ZOMBIE 

IT'S CLOSED


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