# On line Games



## Immortalone

Here is somthing I think most of us would never have thought about. Online games. They are fast becoming a big reason that people divorce. There are games out there like world of warcraft ("Yes I play this one") that consume so much of a man or womens time that it leaves there partner feeling left out. Not only does it take up time but it also builds relationships with other people. WOW has over 9 million players online and I have seen more then one relationship start in game that went to real life. 

Just a thought to be looking at if your spouce seams to spend more time playing online games then they do talking with you.


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## draconis

My wife is huge in WOW, however we have a rule when I am home I can tell her when I want to spend time with her and she wraps things up. We have regular times we cuddle, spend together and "date". 

It took communications and boundries so each side got what they wanted in an exceptable way.

draconis


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## Maxie

I know someone this is causing a problem with. The couple has only been married a couple of years and has a baby. The husband is addicted to this game, comes in from work and goes straight to the game until bedtime. The wife comes home from work and is left to take care of the baby, house and dinner by herself. She has talked to him several times and he will get better for a couple of weeks and go right back. I think she is really to leave him over this. She said to me the other day that "If I'm going to be by myself and do everything on my own then I might as well *be* by myself. I think what she was saying is this is not a marriage and if he is going to be so uninvolved and leave her to live like a single mother then she figures she might just go ahead and be a single mother. It's sad really to break up a family over a game, but I see this as any addiction that takes a spouse away from the family be it video games, drugs, porn whatever, if the other person makes the choice to put the addiction first what is the remaining spouse suppose to do???


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## draconis

Maxie said:


> It's sad really to break up a family over a game, but I see this as any addiction that takes a spouse away from the family be it video games, drugs, porn whatever, if the other person makes the choice to put the addiction first what is the remaining spouse suppose to do???


You are right any addiction is an addiction period and a family needs both family time and the parents need adult time together otherwise people sometimes the children are being neglected.

draconis


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## Russell

Well... I am an EverQuest addict. But my wife and child are more important to me than a fantasy game.


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## Corina

Welcome to my (Second) Life! My husband heard about Second Life around 2 years ago and, being self-employed, started using it every day while I was at work for about 3 months until I found out. I knew sth was up in the evenings when he started clicking away windows every time i went near the study. 

I confronted him, found out he was doing that (with a female avatar -living out some things he can't in real life), and was hurt because he had been keeping sth obviously so major for him from me for so long.

My reaction after that? I signed up myself (the 'I'll show him' reaction...). Within a month I was the one in the study, clicking away windows. I fell more or less in love with a man on there (a real one), lots of the issues in my marriage became clearer, I flew alone to the States for two weeks to clear my head, came back and ended the Second Life relationship.

My husband is still daily on SL, and I accept it as long as I don't end up feeling neglected through it. So we have a little spat every month or two - but we do communicate about it. In the end it is doing more for him than I can really realize, and I'm trying to understand that.


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## GAsoccerman

yea my wife is an addict as well, but she has to fight my children for Computer time and often loses. 

Also hard to play games if the power card is missing!! LOL hehe

Since I work on a computer all day/night long with my job, last thing I want to see is a PC when I am home, so I do other things. 

Only time it bothers me really is if she is off for the day and no one is home, she plays the PC all day long and get's nothing done around the house, I tell her to at least do Laundry and play during "cycles"...to addicted though.

she is getting better though.


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## possum

I was kind of hoping I would find this subject here. 

I totally totally totally agree that online games can be a complete relationship killer. They follow very well-established patterns for inducing psychological addiction (frequent rewards for repetitive actions with occasional big rewards for sustained repetition). They consume HUGE amounts of time and they involve development of external 'family-like' relationships (as in 'guilds') with responsibilities and schedules all their own.

It is extremely easy to slide down the slippery slope of online game addiction these days. I've been there. I have three teenagers that have been right there with me, too. Addictions kill our relationships by supplanting our loved-one's places in our lives. When the game interferes with your interactions with your wife, your kid, or even your dog, it's done some serious damage. 

The best thing I did for my family was to pack up the computer and stop playing entirely. It was hard - it REALLY is an addiction. I can monitor my kids and control their game time (kids seem to have an attention span that actually buffers them from this particular form of addiction I think) but I have to admit that I seem to be unable to play online games (MMORPGs to be exact) and maintain healthy relationships.


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## Healing

Gosh... 

I was addicted to WoW... my husband's affair woke me up. Thing is, I began my addiction more or less as an escape from my inability to communicate with him - he was distant from me and I did not know why... I was so frustrated and resentful in the end from repeatedly failing to get through to him that I turned to a fantasy world and meaningless attention from male gamers to occupy the time I should have been spending with him.

I went cold turkey for 2 weeks. But I still play on and off. Funny thing is, he plays too, we just never used to play TOGETHER. But now, we try to, and I only play when he is playing or I play when he is out. The second he is home, he has my undivided attention now.

I don't feel the games themselves are bad, and I don't think my addiction was the originating cause of our relationship breakdown. But it was a big contributing factor to me not making the effort to work on it.

For me, I now feel I have "control" over my playtime, something I lacked before. I got my priorities straight finally, whew. ;P


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## stumped

My Husband and I were both addicted to DAOC we would come home from work and get online and play together I think it lasted about 2 months before I realized that I hadnt seen the outside except to go to and from work. So I logged on and deleted my character and uninstalled it from my computer....hubby soon followed and we havent looked back since.


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## swedish

My husband and I stay away from computers when we get home, because we both are on them all day long for our jobs. My gaming worry has been with my middle son...very into WOW...but we limit his internet access so when he can't get online he was spending his time making videos of his characters and WOW short movies...very impressive but I was getting concerned with the amount of time he spends doing all of this. He will go out and play soccer/go to the pool/etc with friends when they come by and now that there are a few girls in their group, he's getting out much more often


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## justean

i agree with draconis on this one, there has to be boundaries and respect. wrap things up. 
personally this is the only chat thing i do, this forum, but its helping me with my marriage issues. so i see that as a plus.
as for these games and websites, its a fantasy life , that shows no boundaries, when in real life thats how it all crumbles.


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## Suger_belle

Me, my hubby and our friends used to play online games together. Well, as the saying goes, "if you can't beat them, join them!". It's a good platform for us as we have common topics and we do not play with people we do not know. However, now that he is more busy with work, he had stop playing it, I sort of lost interest as well. Now we are both playing WII (when we have the spare time)! Lol~

I agree that everything must have a limit. We must know when to put a stop if it's going to affect our lives.


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## Dan-O

Man....here we go.

I have been a gamer since the early 80's. My parents divorced when I was young and gaming took my mind away to a different place where I felt I had control and also away from the hurt I felt towards that whole divorce situation.

I'm 39 now and I still revert to that place where I feel I have control. That is, until my wife of 12 years told me that she didn't feel like she wanted to be married to me anymore.

Granted, gaming was a huge part of life and took away some of the pressure of my everyday job and normal stresses of life but, clearly to a point where I have neglected my wife and three children. 

Gaming is not the only thing I am guilty of for leading my wife to the brink of ending our marriage. I left her to deal with the kids, the expenses, her job, house work, and the list goes on while I simply locked myself away in computer games. When she asked me if something was ok for her to do, I would concede to appease her for the moment, then get disgruntled later for letting her do it. I think that is called lieing.

In short, our communication has been less than stellar and gaming was not helping the situation at all.

Shame on me....

Now, my marriage is very fragile and I am begging for wife to stay. I sat down one night at our dining table and told her to tell me everything that has frustrated her in our marriage. She is not one to make waves and fears retaliation if she speaks up. I reassured her that I was going to keep my mouth shut and just listen.

She let me have it...both barrels. I took it as honest criticism and asked her to give me some time to make changes and show her that I can be that person that she originally married. She was very reluctant at first but, I am staying the course.

She means the world to me. I could not see myself without her or my children. I have since thrown all my games away. I sit at the table and eat dinner..not at the computer. I go on walks with the family, I do housework, I opened a seperate account to handle an equal portion of the bills, I play with the kids, I spend quality time with my wife now.

She's starting to cheer up and hopefully....able to fall in love with me again.

I am resolute to mend my marriage and the gaming path can never be looked upon or tred again.


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## swedish

Hey Dan-O,

I'm sorry to hear your marriage got to that low point, but it sounds like you may have needed something drastic to really listen. Anything you grow dependent on can be really tough to stop, so I think it's pretty incredible the amount of positive changes you have made for your family. I wish you all the best.


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## draconis

It is good to see you are willing to change for your family and listen to te needs. I hope you the best and remember we are always here if you need anything.

draconis


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## Blanca

My husband is addicted to video games. at first i just became the jealous wife and tried to control him. then i went to a therapist and the therapist explained to me that it was a mental release from reality for him. So i guess he was just really stressed out and needed a breather. I do the same thing with reading. So i started to join in more, encourage him, read up about what he liked to play, and even play myself. He actually doesnt play much anymore.


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## Dan-O

My wife hates video games. I begged her to come play on several occassions but, she would have nothing to do with it. My daughters gladly played with ol' dad.

Still, I am over the one month mark with no games and I feel positive about the changes I am making. I am attending the gym everyday and dealing with my depression issues by pumping iron again. I had fogotten why I used to love going to the gym. The gym smell of sweat, metal, someone grimacing to eak out that last rep and the racquetball hitting the wall in the courts several rooms over.

It's good to be home again.


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## outkast44

My wife used to play City of Heroes religiously, and once she discovered WoW, she made the switch. I'd already lost her to COH and was getting resentful and bitter, and things are worse with WoW. I have 2 jobs and she has none, our son is in daycare all day and she's just sitting there playing. The addictive personalities mixed with these games can ruin marriages! Plus the relationships that develop between gamers can cross certain lines as well.


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## swedish

why is your son in daycare if she doesn't work? Would stopping daycare allow you to go down to 1 job?


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## outkast44

swedish said:


> why is your son in daycare if she doesn't work? Would stopping daycare allow you to go down to 1 job?


Pulling him from daycare would be an option if i thought that my wife would actually get involved with him. He learns so much there and has started the pre-school program this year. My fear is that he'd end up watching tv all day while she played her WoW. If i thought that he'd be okay at home, i'd definitely pull him out and quit the 2nd job.


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## dynamite101

Dan-O said:


> Man....here we go.
> 
> I have been a gamer since the early 80's. My parents divorced when I was young and gaming took my mind away to a different place where I felt I had control and also away from the hurt I felt towards that whole divorce situation.
> 
> I'm 39 now and I still revert to that place where I feel I have control. That is, until my wife of 12 years told me that she didn't feel like she wanted to be married to me anymore.
> 
> Granted, gaming was a huge part of life and took away some of the pressure of my everyday job and normal stresses of life but, clearly to a point where I have neglected my wife and three children.
> 
> Gaming is not the only thing I am guilty of for leading my wife to the brink of ending our marriage. I left her to deal with the kids, the expenses, her job, house work, and the list goes on while I simply locked myself away in computer games. When she asked me if something was ok for her to do, I would concede to appease her for the moment, then get disgruntled later for letting her do it. I think that is called lieing.
> 
> In short, our communication has been less than stellar and gaming was not helping the situation at all.
> 
> Shame on me....
> 
> Now, my marriage is very fragile and I am begging for wife to stay. I sat down one night at our dining table and told her to tell me everything that has frustrated her in our marriage. She is not one to make waves and fears retaliation if she speaks up. I reassured her that I was going to keep my mouth shut and just listen.
> 
> She let me have it...both barrels. I took it as honest criticism and asked her to give me some time to make changes and show her that I can be that person that she originally married. She was very reluctant at first but, I am staying the course.
> 
> She means the world to me. I could not see myself without her or my children. I have since thrown all my games away. I sit at the table and eat dinner..not at the computer. I go on walks with the family, I do housework, I opened a seperate account to handle an equal portion of the bills, I play with the kids, I spend quality time with my wife now.
> 
> She's starting to cheer up and hopefully....able to fall in love with me again.
> 
> I am resolute to mend my marriage and the gaming path can never be looked upon or tred again.



Im in a similar situation as Dan-O, I am addicted to Warcraft, I use it as an escape for almost everything in life, were I should be helping my family I choose to help myself by fading away into a online world.To the point I simply forget the world around me, the tasks I should be doing. I think I use it to help with possible depression or self esteem issues. Im no expert, but I cannot lose my wife! We have a 13 year old son and been married for 7 years. She is ready to leave me, and if its wasnt for our Son I believe she would have left long ago. I need to be her partner again and plan for the future, I need to take some accountability for the house we built together. Would walking away from the Game help? is there a balance?

I feel like im walking alone and its time for me to act, Normally I would go to my wife for help but at this point she has tried for years and ive just taken the easiest route to have it all go away! This time I mean it, I need to change not just for her but for my self, but of course she has heard me say this before.....


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## draconis

dynamite101 said:


> Im in a similar situation as Dan-O, I am addicted to Warcraft, I use it as an escape for almost everything in life, were I should be helping my family I choose to help myself by fading away into a online world.To the point I simply forget the world around me, the tasks I should be doing. I think I use it to help with possible depression or self esteem issues. Im no expert, but I cannot lose my wife! We have a 13 year old son and been married for 7 years. She is ready to leave me, and if its wasnt for our Son I believe she would have left long ago. I need to be her partner again and plan for the future, I need to take some accountability for the house we built together. Would walking away from the Game help? is there a balance?
> 
> I feel like im walking alone and its time for me to act, Normally I would go to my wife for help but at this point she has tried for years and ive just taken the easiest route to have it all go away! This time I mean it, I need to change not just for her but for my self, but of course she has heard me say this before.....


Walk away from the game if it is hurting your mariage or agree that you will only play an hour a day. I am on the other side as my wife is addicted to warcraft, but when she saw it interferring with our marriage than she cut back.

draconis


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## Honey

I try not to get hooked on anything.


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## swedish

dynamite101,

If your wife is ready to leave you, I would absolutely walk away from the game. If you can honestly play an hour a day and stick to it, and your wife hasn't said you need to totally stop then there may be balance but at this point I would be more worried about making sure your wife knows that she is the priority and not the game. When you play, do you find yourself thinking about it when you aren't playing? At this point she needs to know you are 100% there for her and your child.


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## dynamite101

swedish said:


> dynamite101,
> 
> If your wife is ready to leave you, I would absolutely walk away from the game. If you can honestly play an hour a day and stick to it, and your wife hasn't said you need to totally stop then there may be balance but at this point I would be more worried about making sure your wife knows that she is the priority and not the game. When you play, do you find yourself thinking about it when you aren't playing? At this point she needs to know you are 100% there for her and your child.


Its been 6 days since ive logged on, I have attempted to let my wife know my commitment to help and therapy. I was admit ed to the local urgent care unit in town and a team of Nurses,Doctors,Psychologists and Psychiatrists are helping me cope with the Depression, Addiction and other mental issues.But alas to no avail, we are now in the process of splitting ive hurt and neglected my wife for to many years. The temptation to just log on and forget about my pain is overwhelming it has been my crutch for everything for so long. The unfortunate part is seeking help for a Gaming Addiction is almost impossible. Most Psychologists have heard of research but not many have answers to deal with it or the withdrawal of not being able to play. If I could turn back the clocks of time and seek help years ago I should have... If anyone out there even thinks they have a problem I suggest go get help NOW! dont wait till its to late like I did.


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## swedish

I am so sorry to hear that. I am sure now is the worst it will get as far as temptation goes so use the doctors and whatever other support system you have in place to help you through this. The main thing right now is learning to deal with your stress and anxiety through positive means (working through it rather than hiding in the game) and you will come through better off in the end. I'm sorry you are going through this in the meantime.


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## dynamite101

dynamite101 said:


> Its been 6 days since ive logged on, I have attempted to let my wife know my commitment to help and therapy. I was admit ed to the local urgent care unit in town and a team of Nurses,Doctors,Psychologists and Psychiatrists are helping me cope with the Depression, Addiction and other mental issues.But alas to no avail, we are now in the process of splitting ive hurt and neglected my wife for to many years. The temptation to just log on and forget about my pain is overwhelming it has been my crutch for everything for so long. The unfortunate part is seeking help for a Gaming Addiction is almost impossible. Most Psychologists have heard of research but not many have answers to deal with it or the withdrawal of not being able to play. If I could turn back the clocks of time and seek help years ago I should have... If anyone out there even thinks they have a problem I suggest go get help NOW! dont wait till its to late like I did.


I have been advised to move out this today but all I want is one more chance to repair the damage, but my wife is to far gone from the pain ive caused.everytime I walk by my office my instinct is to log onto Warcraft and just go Numb for a little while. Facing the loss of a friend to Cancer 2 weeks ago, getting in a Car accident 1 week ago, then my Wife telling me she is done , and for the first time in my life admiting i have an addiction is all so overwhelming. I dont want to be alone, I cant eat, sleep or even think right now.. Councilor and Psyciatric appointments are coming this week. But leaving my support system of my wife, my son, my pets... not having a secure income.. My wife wants to know, and have me sign an agreement for money.. I cant even think what im doing in the next 5 min let alone money! She is seeing a lawyer Friday (i know nothing about separation is this normal?), I have to tell my son we are separating Friday.


HELP!


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## swedish

Don't sign anything at this point without talking with an attorney & I would highly recommend not using the same attorney as your wife as they will look out for her best interests, not yours.

Take one day at a time. They will be difficult but things will get better for you & the appointments will help you sort through all of these thoughts.

p.s. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING!!!


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## Honey

swedish said:


> dynamite101,
> 
> If your wife is ready to leave you, I would absolutely walk away from the game. If you can honestly play an hour a day and stick to it, and your wife hasn't said you need to totally stop then there may be balance but at this point I would be more worried about making sure your wife knows that she is the priority and not the game. When you play, do you find yourself thinking about it when you aren't playing? At this point she needs to know you are 100% there for her and your child.



:iagree:


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## Honey

swedish said:


> Don't sign anything at this point without talking with an attorney & I would highly recommend not using the same attorney as your wife as they will look out for her best interests, not yours.
> 
> Take one day at a time. They will be difficult but things will get better for you & the appointments will help you sort through all of these thoughts.
> 
> p.s. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING!!!


:iagree: DON'T SIGN ANYTHING, GET A LAWYER FIRST. I AGREE WITH SWEET FISH ON THIS ONE, DON'T USE THE SAME ONE.


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## *Aceso*

I'm sorry but I really can't understand people who put everything important (family, friends...) on back burner and just play some stupid game till it's too late and then they complain. Sorry, you can't turn back time. What is done is done and deal with it. I wish I could be more sympathetic but my family is about to get distroyed because my husband is spending hours playing a game called Battlefield2. I know he won't find someone on that game because it's only guys playing it but at the same time it's like he is having an affair. And it's worse when it's not another person but something else that you have to compete with. How do you compete with it? You won't win.
He sits there for hours and the only time he ever plays with kids is if they all play the game. What other normal family has 5 computers set up for gaming? There are 4 people in this house and 5 PCs. Sad, isn't it? We haven't had a family holiday in years because he spends all his money on upgrading the computers and buying new ones. And Have you noticed how I said "his" money? He thinks that because he goes to work it's "his" money and the money that I earn is "our" money. Do you know that last year alone he spent over $8000 on PCs? And then there is $460 a month that he pays for the server and all the other things to do with that stupid game because he has his own clan. It's stupid!!!! It's waist of money. I don't know how to get my husband to stop this. He thinks it's a hobby and there is nothing wrong with having a hobby. I agree, hobby is a good thing but this is addiction and not a hobby. Every 5 weeks he gets 7 days off of work and he will spend at least 16-18 hours a day playing that stupid game. If that's not waisting your life away I don't know what is. How come cigarettes come with a warning "Warning! Might be addictive." but those stupid games don't???
Wake up, people. It's not just drugs and alcohol you have to worry about these days.


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## dynamite101

*Aceso* said:


> I'm sorry but I really can't understand people who put everything important (family, friends...) on back burner and just play some stupid game till it's too late and then they complain. Sorry, you can't turn back time. What is done is done and deal with it. I wish I could be more sympathetic but my family is about to get distroyed because my husband is spending hours playing a game called Battlefield2. I know he won't find someone on that game because it's only guys playing it but at the same time it's like he is having an affair. And it's worse when it's not another person but something else that you have to compete with. How do you compete with it? You won't win.
> He sits there for hours and the only time he ever plays with kids is if they all play the game. What other normal family has 5 computers set up for gaming? There are 4 people in this house and 5 PCs. Sad, isn't it? We haven't had a family holiday in years because he spends all his money on upgrading the computers and buying new ones. And Have you noticed how I said "his" money? He thinks that because he goes to work it's "his" money and the money that I earn is "our" money. Do you know that last year alone he spent over $8000 on PCs? And then there is $460 a month that he pays for the server and all the other things to do with that stupid game because he has his own clan. It's stupid!!!! It's waist of money. I don't know how to get my husband to stop this. He thinks it's a hobby and there is nothing wrong with having a hobby. I agree, hobby is a good thing but this is addiction and not a hobby. Every 5 weeks he gets 7 days off of work and he will spend at least 16-18 hours a day playing that stupid game. If that's not waisting your life away I don't know what is. How come cigarettes come with a warning "Warning! Might be addictive." but those stupid games don't???
> Wake up, people. It's not just drugs and alcohol you have to worry about these days.


Its been weeks since I stopped playing Warcraft. I have logged on for a brief time to get council from online friends (since ive isolated myself the real world for so many years) but I don't actually play the game and actually feel sick if I log on I use it more as a chat room right now, my councilors say this OK for now since I don't have alot of Real Life people to talk to. But no more than an hour, and if I cant limit myself then dont log on. The psychiatrist and Family Doctor has diagnosed me with Clinical Depression and ive had it for years, and I have been using Warcraft and Alcohol as a form of self medication.They are giving me medication to help with the depression, and councilors are helping me cope with the seperation from my wife and my physiological addiction . I advise anyone who is concerned about there loved ones and any possible addiction seek help NOW. Like any Addiction untill you hit rock bottom OR are ready to make the change no amount of complaining from loved ones will do anything. Maybe a form of Intervention? I dont know, but there is alot of advice out there if you ask for it from professionals how to deal with addiction in the family. It took my wife to tell me to leave the house and that we are separating for me to wake up from my years of addiction to Online Games and actually peruse the help I need. I dont have any real answers as to why a GAME can take over someones life completely, But I have real Answers to where it can lead you, and its not a good place.


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## Guest

I would suggest completely walking away from the game. I think the "chat room" is now what you are going to substitute your previous addiction with. Take it from someone who is/was doing the exact same thing.


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## dynamite101

Jason said:


> I would suggest completely walking away from the game. I think the "chat room" is now what you are going to substitute your previous addiction with. Take it from someone who is/was doing the exact same thing.


And yes that one view of how to quit an addiction, but even my counciler today re affirmed what im doing is ok, she said its a form of weening me off the virtual world, but the more important fish to fry is my Depression, what caused it, and treatment of that. The addiction to Warcraft was a result of a bigger picture.

So yes as much as the logical side of me agree Warcraft = BAD dont play. there are many diffrent forms of treating addiction and so far so good for me. I have maybe be on Warcraft a total of 1.5 hours in the last week. And my account expires in 5 days and I have no plans to re-activate it. I have given my friends my email address, and we have a form of Voice Chat we used in game (Vent) which Im able to use if I just need to talk to my friends.


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## Guest

That's great to hear man. I was also playing the same game and am letting my account expire too.

/cheer


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## Blanca

dynamite101 said:


> I have maybe be on Warcraft a total of 1.5 hours in the last week. And my account expires in 5 days and I have no plans to re-activate it.


i've heard that whenever someone tries to quit an addiction its important to try to replace it with something else. because if the security blanket is just gone and there's nothing else there to take its place, it will be that much easier to go back to it. Do you have any ideas on how to give yourself what the game was giving you?


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## voivod

these games you guys talk about...they must really kick a$$...i told a friend of mine back in college who used heroin...i said"that $#!t must really be good for you to go thru all that you do for it."

he said "huh?"

i said "i've never seen you shoot without vomiting and drooling...besides everything else, you stick a needle in your arm. all for the high..i don't like ANYTHING so much that i would endure that much...

i kinda think the same about you game people. it must REALLY be cool, for you to risk relationships for and all that...

but don't ask me, i drank like a fish for 20 years!!!!


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## Aeval

Hehe! I have a shirt that says "WoW Widow". My hubby works for an internet company in their call center. Everyone in his office plays WOW or WarHammer while at work. Eventually I told him that if he can play at work there is no need to play at home. Don't get me wrong he plays at home sometimes on his day off and in the evenings if I am doing something on my own, but the games no longer take away from us time.


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## dynamite101

ljtseng said:


> i've heard that whenever someone tries to quit an addiction its important to try to replace it with something else. because if the security blanket is just gone and there's nothing else there to take its place, it will be that much easier to go back to it. Do you have any ideas on how to give yourself what the game was giving you?


Im trying to find something else, Im trying to dive into work but its very seasonal and market related. Battling addiction,depression and a nervous break down has been the hardest thing ive done in my life. I have not logged onto the game for almost 2 weeks now, and I have to admit its harder then people can imagine. It may not be a chemical addiction but my brain sure liked it! 

Is the game that kick a$$? nope... Its repetitive behavior coupled with some social interaction. And Im not sure what it is that drew me to it. My councilor believes its because I was missing something in my real life that the Game replaced.. and self medicating my depression with it.

My wife and I are still split and its starting to get nasty, which I dont understand why. And in my current mental state is quite damaging. She has called me a bad father and saying im using my son as a weapon. Which neither is true, I may be alot of things but a bad father is not one of them. And just because my son wants to spend time with me and not her right now, I think her reaction is doing more harm then good. She gets mad at him (13 years old) if he asks if he can come visit me.

Anyway.... still fighting the battle.


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## Guest

Someone told me today their experience being with an individual ike myself. The anger and temper, addictions to drugs and alcohol, very real potential at adultry (not me!!), and the seperation from that individual that they felt while dealing with it. They said if it wasn't for the kids, they would have left. But that person stayed inspite of it. What she described was a person who was exhausted with the relationship, fed up, down right pissed off at the other person for taking everything for granted, and would have left without looking back if not for the kids.

My guess Dynamite is that your spouse is hurting beyond your recognition. She is all of those things above. She is in a place right now that she won't likely let you into to prevent the pain. 

This person told me that the best course of action is improve myself and work harder at it than at anything I have ever put my mind to. To treat the situation like when you first began dating the person. Everything you did back then to try and win her over you have to do now. You have to put on your best face and convince her your not that person. She also said that the pain your spouse is feeling may make her reject you regardless of what you do and you have to be prepared for putting your feelings out there to be shattered. This person also told me that to this day, she still has to look at the other person and foregive them so that she can avoid the anger that she still has boiling under the surface. 

That was 6-7 years ago and they have greatly improved their relationship and will likely be together til death do they part.


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## Dan-O

I'm casting a resurrection spell on this thread. 

It's been quite a while so, I thought I would comment on some changes and observations. For starters, I've been divorced exactly two years now. I still play video games from time to time but, not like I did when I was married. The few times a month I do logon to play a game, I am bored inside of 20 minutes. I used to play 2-3 hours a night, after work. 

I wasn't completely sure of it then but, I am quite certain of it now; I was using video games to cope with the stress of my job and my marriage. I just couldn't take either one of them anymore. My ex-wife and a woman co-worker were causing me 9 kinds of hell. I was getting brow beat daily. It was a hostile environment coming and going. Both of these women are out of my life now and I swear to God, I couldn't be happier.

I am my old self again. I love my work. I love my life. Although, I don't like being without my children. And, there's a new woman in my life who has fallen in love with me for the same reasons the first wife fell in love with me...because I am a sweet, funny, loving, sensitive, romantic guy. Her kids are grown and she has her career - which suits me much better.

To be truthful, I should never have had children. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids dearly but, one of the other peripheral stresses that weighed on me was the part where I had to provide for someone other than myself and my wife. Call me selfish if you like but, that is the way I am wired. If I had known this before I got married, my ex and I could have talked this out and knew ahead that children were not going to be part of the picture.

Even so, I don't feel bad because after speaking with family, there is consensus among us that this a genetic anomaly which happens to be prominent with my mom, my brother, my uncle(mom's brother) and my grandfather(mom's father). My dad raised my brother and I which kind of hints to my mom's lack of maternal instinct. That and she flat out admitted that she was a complete doormat and would have let my brother and I walk all over her because she didn't have it in her to discipline us. Mom is one of my best friends though and that is her strength -friendship.

In short, the video games were just a vice to deal with abnormal stress. I know how to handle the everyday normal stress just fine. It's the part of constantly being bombarded with repetitive stress and demands that starts freaking me out.


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## lovemyboys

well, I agree that while you can use gaming as an excuse to deal with issues in your marriage, job, whatever...gaming can be a real addiction. My husband, when I met him was afraid to log on to his email because he didn't want to be anywhere near a computer. He started exercising and taking hikes. That's what attracted me to him. But, when he got injured working out and had to take a break for a bit, he started playing again and hasn't stopped. He plays from the minute he gets home from work till 10pm or so at night. Except for the weeks he works out which is sporadic at best. We live apart Monday through Friday because of his job, and I used to have to wait until 10:30pm every night for his phone when we could talk without the kids yelling in my ear. He was busy playing from 5:30-10:30 every night. While I was busy taking care of the kids until 8pm every night. It caused huge fights and now he calls me before 10:30pm, but calls me manipulative and controlling when we argue because I don't like being last on the totem pole in my marriage. Especially to a game. I think he truly does have an addiction and has for many years before he met me. He has no friends except for online. And when he takes breaks and doesn't play, they don't call him. I have had to manage with this "other woman" as I like to call it because that's what it's like. It's like he's having an affair with a computer game. I hate online games and can only take so much of paystation with the fam. I think he needs help, but he doesn't think there's anything wrong with how much time he plays.


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## paramore

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore

WoW, yeah, i was addicted badly, i deactivated my acct and internet until i can my life back in order, i allowed it to completely destroy my life. will i play again? maybe someday, but i know i allowed it to take over, i have to weed out my demons one at a time, WoW can be a bad thing, shoot i wonder as i am a gm, if there will be any members left if i ever go back. grizzly hills holla!!! lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RAKO2005

My husband is addicted to WOW he plays everyday from 7pm until 12am or later, he plays on weekends for hours at a time and when we go to my parents to visit out of town he brings his laptop and plays there too. We have a child 2.5 years old and a child 1.5yrs old I have spoken to him many times about the amount of time he plays and how often I have asked him to stop playing but nothing changes he gets mad and tells me that it is his hobby and I should be glad that he is just playing a game he's not cheating,out drinking, doing drugs etc. 
I'm a sahm and I'm planning on leaving my husband he has very little time for anything else in his life, nothing is more important than WOW to him not our family he does very little with our children, I do not see him changing he hasn't yet He values his gaming more than anything else and I can not live like this anymore.


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## whysocry

personally this is the only chat thing i do,


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