# The Concept of "The One"



## MerrieMelodie (Dec 1, 2009)

So this is my first time using one of these formus, but I really don't know where to turn for advice, so I'm hoping some of you could... both guys & gals.

I've been in a relationship with this guy for 1 year, and 2 months. We've known each other before we dated for about 3 months. In the beginning I was really reluctant to date him, so we casually dated for a month or so, and then I realized I didn't wanna lose him or be with anyone else -- so we made it official. It's been great... he makes me happy, he adores me, he's smart, he's attractive - what everyone tells you a guy should be like.

So here's my dilema. Recently my sister got engaged & there was a lot of comparing of relationships between us, but I jsut had to stop doing that becuase its not good to compare your relationship to someone else's who has one very different. Anyways, this guy I'm with has started saying how he's so confient in our future, and that I'm his one and only, that I make him complete.... Now don't get me wrong, I love him. I do, he's so wonderful and I've never been so happy, and we've talked about our future a little, usualyl in jokes, but none the less. It hasn't been freaking me out at all... actually we moved in together about 1.5 months ago and it's been awesome. We love it being together -- but I'm afraid of something.

He seems so sure that I am the one, that he's going to marry me. But me... I'm not so confident. Not that I havent daydreamed about it, and want it.. but it's like I look at my sister engaged and she's just overwhelmingly in lvoe and so so sure that there's no one else. And she even said "I jsut knew Mel, you'll just know if he's the one" -- but what if I don't know. What if I'm not so sure, what if there's not that deep down urging feeling telling me this is the guy I'm going to marry.

I'm scared and frustrated and nervous. It's fine to date and everything, and ahve fun, but we're both in our late 20s... We're both wanting to settle down eventually. And we've even talked about people who don't know... that after being with someone for 1-2 years (at this age & time), if you don't know by then, then they're probably not the one?

So what do I do? We've been together over a year. I love him with everything I have, but what I think you're supposed to feel when you know -- I don't have it. Do I wait to see if it'll happen? Do I end this? I'm so confused....


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## YoungMilitarySpouse (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't think you ever really know for sure for sure that you want to marry someone. I think marriage and love and all that is an entire leap of faith. 
I wouldnt say endthe relationship but dont move forward with it if you have uncertainties


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi
I think what you are feeling is normal, it is scary to make a commitment to someone for life(that's what you are thinking). It sounds like he is a good guy and I'm sure with a little honesty on your part you can explore what doesn't feel right for you.....if they are things you can work on or you think will grow over time then I wouldn't worry so much, I think when you are young you think each love affair should be a certain way and have a certain feeling. But as you age you learn there is a lot more to it. You start to see some qualities you didn't even consider...stop worrying and just take each day as getting to know each other on a deeper level.......it sounds like it is worth it to me


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Get too caught up in where you going and you won't be able to enjoy where you are.

There is no 'one'. That's just marketing.

Want to take a really sideways look at things? Your sister and her soul-mate are about to make vows of love and commitment to one another for a lifetime. Truth is, it is highly unlikely that they will spend the rest of their lives together. But they won't believe nor can they conceive of that. Who wants to when you're in love?

Don't worry so much. There is undoubtedly love. And how you love one, is not necessarily how you love the _next_ one. Honesty and communication; if you both hold those two values as paramount, you can't lose. The time frame won't matter.


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## Victorianprude (Nov 30, 2009)

Dee,

Unless a fortune teller on honeymoon tells you have lived together in a past lifetime.

And then states "my girl you are with child" ay one week preganant.

That was 30 yrs ago.


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## azilin (Dec 3, 2009)

MerrieMelodie said:


> So what do I do? We've been together over a year. I love him with everything I have, but what I think you're supposed to feel when you know -- I don't have it. Do I wait to see if it'll happen? Do I end this? I'm so confused....


You're over thinking it. You are nuts about each other and love being together. What more do you want? Just go with it.

At some point you will realize that the relationship is deepening, or "shallowing". If it continues to satisfy you both, that is so much more than most people manage to have: a drama-free, loving, affectionate, satisfying relationship.

There is no such thing as Your One True Love. There are, in fact, at the least, thousands of people on the planet that you could have an equally satisfying relationship with. In theory, there may be dozens you could even do a bit better with. Be grateful that you've found one near the top of the theoretical heap.

One last thing ... your boyfriend may well be fishing for some reassurance. Tell him that you love him with all your heart, too. Often. If it bothers you that he wants guarantees, then you have to have a conversation about that. In life, there are no guarantees, nothing that is "meant to be" in the sense that he wants to believe and wants you to believe. That doesn't mean you don't love and enjoy each other, it just means that it's "in the moment". That's all anyone actually ever has anyway.

I'm a widower; I know better than most that people you love can be taken from you at any time, for any reason or for no reason. Your boyfriend intuits this and fears it ... reassure him of what you can legitimately reassure him about, which is that right now, this moment, you love him to death. If that's not good enough for him, well ... he'll have to sort that out for himself I guess.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

The 'ONE' is when you meet a person, and out of all your other options he/she seems the person you want to settle down with. Don't take it as 'there's me and somewhere out there there's the one, only one person that can make me happy'. No, there are plenty. 

It's like, there are many potential 'the one's ' out there, and out of all of them, you chose one, to be your 'one and only' for as long as it works out, hopefully a lifetime. It's a choice you make, to end the search when you're satisfied with what you have and don't want better. 

If you don't know by now, it may mean you're just confused as a person, scared of making decissions, not confident in your choice, or secretely suspecting there might be something better out there for you, still. This has nothing to do with him being right for you or not. Some people decide what they want to eat when ordering in a second, others take 10 minutes. you seem to be from the latter category. 

Leave aside the romantic mumbo jumbo. Does this man make you happy? Do you see yourself raising kids with him? Do you see yourself getting past him leaving the toilet seat up and do you think you'll still love him when he pisses you off with the same annoying crap over and over? These are important questions...the fuzzy warm feeling inside, not so much...since that fades away anyway. After that what you need is a smart, loving person that knows how you work and that's a good lifemate for the longest time possible. 

Just my 2 cents.


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