# 1 week :(



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

It is hot, humid and 15 years to the day when we got married, and I am having a real bad day 

200k (160m?) from my 2 young sons (9 & 12) & wife, all who I love 

I read the note she left me a few weeks back when I went away for a week at her (strong) suggestion. 'drive safely, txt me when you get there' and 'I do love you'

She had earlier told me ' I don't hate you, I am angry with you'

Been horrible over the last 6 - 8 weeks, she will be kind & friendly, and then it is like some one flicks a light switch and her whole attitude changes, like she forgets she is angry and then remembers.

One after noon, about 4 weeks ago, I offered to give her a back rub, which she accepted, at the end of it she initiates sex, caught me by surprise I can tell you !

Then the argument 2 weeks ago, the straw that broke the camels back and I tried to kill myself (car, exhaust), what she called 'the game changer'

The emotional roller coaster ride has been almost unbearable
1 week ago she tells me that either I leave, or she will take the kids and leave, I told her the only place I had to go was to my daughter (28), I would have to quit my job, that seemed to come as a surprise to her, she asked ' what will you do when you come back?' indicating, to me at least, that the separation was not going to be long term

What has she told me she wants?
'I want the old Crankshaw back'
'I do love you'
"I don't hate you, I am angry with you'
'You're not what I want in a husband or a father'

So, here I am, unemployed, living 200k from home, and all I want is to be able to go back home and pick up the pieces of my shattered life.
Yes, I am on Prozac for the depression.
Sometimes life just sucks 

Oh, tomorrow I am probably getting a tattoo, a Yin Yan with the names of my 4 kids around it.


----------



## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

I am sorry for your pain. It sounds like there is a lot of emotional chaos going on in that household. Maybe you can do some other things to even out your mood, exercise, yoga, counseling or supportive friends. Try to avoid rash decisions. Spend the tattoo money doing something nice for your kids.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

She seems really angry at you for something, did you ask her what she wants from you?
Does she want to go to counseling ? Seem like she holds grudge and doesn't know how to let go...i was that person at one point of my life,it's hard to figure yourself out.


----------



## life123 (Jan 24, 2011)

vivea said:


> She seems really angry at you for something, did you ask her what she wants from you?
> Does she want to go to counseling ? Seem like she holds grudge and doesn't know how to let go...i was that person at one point of my life,it's hard to figure yourself out.


My wife says she has a grudge against me as well.Its been 3 months and she still has it.How can she let it go?


----------



## life123 (Jan 24, 2011)

I feel your pain.I have been away from my wife for over 3 months and she doesent want to talk to me at all.Im so lost without her.We had a great marriage and all of the sudden shes gone.Sorry I cant give you any advice.Im looking for some myself.Try and keep your head up.Trust me I know its hard..


----------



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Feel your pain brother go get some help talk to somebody. it helps


----------



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Crank, I am exactly in the same boat right now. I've been married 10 years and after a few years of neglect i ran over to another woman. My wife and I are going to go through mediation. But she is the same way, she would be completely ok and cordial and then something would happen and she would be venemous and angry. I feel your pain with the depression as well. On top of the fact that my marriage is breaking up, the woman (i should say girl, she is 24 and has no clue about life) has decided to be wioth her boyfriend who mistreats her. So I'm all alone holding the bag of all this crap and feeling depressed. It's all my own doing and I own everything but just wish that the wife remembered that I was also in the house. I'll deal with the whole divorce and move on but stay strong man. Hopefully things will get better for you.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

life123 said:


> My wife says she has a grudge against me as well.Its been 3 months and she still has it.How can she let it go?


She has to understand what she is doing and she has to want to let go.It is hard!For me it helped to see that my husband can't take it anymore and i either let go of anger or my marriage goes to HELL,i don't want my kids to not have a family with their own Mom and Dad.I just had to forget and forgive....i'm not done yet but now i understand the situation and i can look at myself.I really had no idea what I was doing.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

hopemom said:


> I am sorry for your pain. It sounds like there is a lot of emotional chaos going on in that household. Maybe you can do some other things to even out your mood, exercise, yoga, counseling or supportive friends. Try to avoid rash decisions. Spend the tattoo money doing something nice for your kids.


thanks, the tattoo is not costing me though.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> She seems really angry at you for something, did you ask her what she wants from you?


'I want the old Crankshaw back' was what she said.



> Does she want to go to counseling ? Seem like she holds grudge and doesn't know how to let go...i was that person at one point of my life,it's hard to figure yourself out.


no, she has been what amounts to an EA for 18months with...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Rico said:


> Crank, I am exactly in the same boat right now. I've been married 10 years and after a few years of neglect i ran over to another woman.


no other women in my case.



> I'll deal with the whole divorce and move on but stay strong man. Hopefully things will get better for you.


Damn well hope so


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Just got off the phone from the boys, 1st day back at school for them and they both had a good time.

Hopefully I will be able to get to see them next weekend at some stage...

I have to wonder, if I was/am such a bad father why do they want to see me and hug me so much...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

on the bright side, looks like the house could go for as much as $525k, worse case split would be 60/40 (her getting the 60) so I might be able to move closer to my kids and buy a unit.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

well, that was a pleasant conversation with the (ex?) wife, posted, on facebook, that the house might have to be sold, smart thing to do, no, 12 yo son saw it and was upset, I called him, told him it may not happen, and I didn't want to sell, still, he is upset.
(ex?) wife gets on the phone, tries to tear me a new one (I have been the typical 'nice guy' for quite a while!).

'What the hell do you think you are doing' etc etc

I tell her that it is reality, if she has decided that she is not going to work on repairing the marriage the house will get sold.

She says 'your the one that tried to kill yourself in garage, did you stop to think what would have happened if you did and (12 y.o) had found you, I replied ' I was in a deep hole of depression at the time' she replies ' so thats going to be your excuse for everything' I told her no, I take responsibility for my actions. She buts in and says 'it was one pissy argument' I replied 'it was more than one argument, and you know that'

Has she decided? No Idea, in the heat of the moment she told me it was F***king all over, so I told her that if the case, she had better get the estate agents in.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

nice email from the ex greeted me this morning (written last night) telling me my credit card, mobile phone & toll pass have all been canceled. They are all under her name.

Do you think this means she is ending the marriage ?


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Get your behind back into your home. 

Get counseling for your depression. 

Running away is not the answer. 

Get your job back, take your life back
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Powerbane said:


> Get your behind back into your home.


not really an option, and this is Australia, so different laws, going to see legal aid tomorrow.



> Get counseling for your depression.


Already doing that, and anti-depresants



> Running away is not the answer.


Didn't run, was well and truly pushed. difference.



> Get your job back, take your life back


It is there if I get back to the area.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Now the silent treatment, doesn't reply to sms, or email :shakes head:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*the ex mother in law*

well, it has become very clear that the (ex) mother in law is the one influencing the (ex) wife, should have seen that coming from a mile away.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Yayyyyyy, spoke to my boys this evening, they sounded fine & dandy, their mum told them that I was going to call (never bothered to reply to my sms or emails though!) and also told them that I wanted to see them, if thats what they wanted (thats from the 12 y.o) (again, she never bothered to reply to sms or emails)

Had to speak to her so that pick up & drop off times could be arranged, she sounded angry, very short & abrupt (but she has always been very good and acting!) I kept the 'convo' polite and to a min, and said 'bye' at the end.

Last time I tried to organize to see the boys she said we would have to meet somewhere coz she didn't want me anywhere near my own house !

I take this as being a 'win' for me


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Wont reply yo sms or email, wont answer her mobile when I call.
Damn, I (we) loved that house, spent the last couple of years working together renovating it, was almost complete, it is going to cut me to pieces have to sell the place, so many many good memories, so few bad memories.
Seems she is doing everything she can to hurt me, and she knows me so well she know exactly how to go about it.

And the boys, it is the only home they have ever known, sad, just so damn sad 
The only bright side is maybe she wants to buy me out, at least then the kids will still have their home.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

"you dragged me from the hand of Death just so you could try and throw me in the depths of Hell'


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...she is really going full force after you.Wow! 
May be she just wants to piss you off with selling the house,may be when/if someone gets interested she won't take the offer.She might just be acting because she knows you'll hurt.
(hopefully)


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...she is really going full force after you.Wow!
> May be she just wants to piss you off with selling the house,may be when/if someone gets interested she won't take the offer.She might just be acting because she knows you'll hurt.
> (hopefully)


well, to sell the house means I have to agree, it is in both our names, as far as I know she has yet to get a lawyer involved. I guess I may find out in a couple of days, the real estate people will have to get my sig on any contract before they can put it on the market, I sall be after an independent valuation, thats for sure!

Oh yes, she knows me very very well, and knows everthing she is doing will hurt me 
I just need to be able to get some solid sleep to be able to get my head in gear enough to start taking care of myself !!!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Did you try sleeping pills or anti anxiety pills to help you sleep.At the very beginning i couldn't sleep at all,even for a few hrs. With 2 kids at home i couldn't take a sleeping pill but i did take anti anxiety medication and it helped me get at least 4-5 hrs sleep a night.
I still don't sleep well,when i go to bed I'm not anxious and feel good/normal but i usually wake up at 4-5 am with high anxiety and toss and turn until time for daughter's school.For some reason the mornings are the worst for me and than by lunch time I'm fine again...weird?!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Did you try sleeping pills or anti anxiety pills to help you sleep.At the very beginning i couldn't sleep at all,even for a few hrs. With 2 kids at home i couldn't take a sleeping pill but i did take anti anxiety medication and it helped me get at least 4-5 hrs sleep a night.
> I still don't sleep well,when i go to bed I'm not anxious and feel good/normal but i usually wake up at 4-5 am with high anxiety and toss and turn until time for daughter's school.For some reason the mornings are the worst for me and than by lunch time I'm fine again...weird?!


sleeping pills get me about 2hrs worth of sleep, doc has just prescribed trez(sometging or other) to see if they will five me 6 or 7 hrs.
Mornings are OK for me, 8:30 is when the rest here leave for work / school and thats when, if I'm going to go down, I go down. They get home from about 4pm and things start picking up.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Now been prescribed temazepam to help with the sleep issues, fingers crossed !!

Talked to the boys tonight, their mother has banned them from using the computers monday - friday, meaning no email or facebook contact between them & me, only phone.

I have to agree vivea, she is trying to drive a stake through me !!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

How long can you go without sleep before you start hallucinating, cuz i swear theres a talking pink bunny in my living room


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Wow, she's scared to death. Dude, you tried to kill yourself and she's terrified of being close to you. Can you see it? She probably does love you a lot..and how you are depressed enough to be suicidal and she's facing that. Now she's turning to anger and revenge rather than supporting you because it's far easier to be angry than compassionate and depression/suicidal tendencies is VERY scary stuff!

If you want to stay where you are, then let the house sell and go quietly into the night and let her straighten out the mess in peace. Right now you are a disruption. You are disrupting the kids, her life and her emotions while being hundreds of miles away licking your wounds. Let her do what she has to do and you do what YOU have to do..and that's get better. You can always reconcile later but until you work on yourself it's not fair to her, your kids and yourself to try and hold the marriage together. 

You need to be patient and let her work things out. Having someone you love attempt to kill themselves is scary stuff. I feel for her. You need to get yourself some serious help. Just pills and tranquilizers aren't going to do it. I hope you are involved in some heavy duty therapy.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Wow, she's scared to death. Dude, you tried to kill yourself and she's terrified of being close to you. Can you see it? She probably does love you a lot..and how you are depressed enough to be suicidal and she's facing that. Now she's turning to anger and revenge rather than supporting you because it's far easier to be angry than compassionate and depression/suicidal tendencies is VERY scary stuff!
> 
> If you want to stay where you are, then let the house sell and go quietly into the night and let her straighten out the mess in peace. Right now you are a disruption. You are disrupting the kids, her life and her emotions while being hundreds of miles away licking your wounds. Let her do what she has to do and you do what YOU have to do..and that's get better. You can always reconcile later but until you work on yourself it's not fair to her, your kids and yourself to try and hold the marriage together.
> 
> You need to be patient and let her work things out. Having someone you love attempt to kill themselves is scary stuff. I feel for her. You need to get yourself some serious help. Just pills and tranquilizers aren't going to do it. I hope you are involved in some heavy duty therapy.


I understand she is scared, I would have been too if it was the other way around, yes, I am in contact / seeing crisis team people a couple of times a week, concentrating at time on the sleep problems (sleep problems, I have no sleep problems, now lack of sleep, thats a different matter!) (hmmm, warped sense of humor returning!)

And yes, it is far easier to be angry. But I will not, not contact my kids.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

If your kids want to see you then you should see them. I'd never keep my kids from my husband. My son is over at his house right now. I encourage it. My husband is a good dad and needs my son and my son needs him. 

I'd give your wife the space she needs and keep working on yourself. Maybe she'll lighten up. Maybe she won't but you have to keep yourself together and don't let her tear you down. We all make mistakes and you shouldn't have to be constantly paying for yours over and over again. 

Lack of sleep has never been a problem for me. I can sleep anywhere, anytime.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> If your kids want to see you then you should see them. I'd never keep my kids from my husband. My son is over at his house right now. I encourage it. My husband is a good dad and needs my son and my son needs him.


They want to see me, every msg / phone call we have they always say how much the miss me (and it nearly always brings a tear to my eye!)



> But I'd give your wife the space she needs and keep working on yourself. Maybe she'll lighten up.


Yeah, well, I sent an email yesterday about the insurance on my car to see if that was paid or not, no reply, so organised new insurance, sent another email to tell her that if the original policy was being paid by the month to cancel it, no reply.
I do not ask how she is or anything, just say what needs to be said (ie: insurance) and sing off with 'thanks'



> Maybe she won't but you have to keep yourself together and don't let her tear you down.


She has been very good at that, thats for sure 



> We all make mistakes and you shouldn't have to be constantly paying for yours over and over again.


I'll send you her email, mobile & home phone numbers 



> Lack of sleep has never been a problem for me. I can sleep anywhere, anytime.


got almost 5 hrs last night, 2 Largactil tablets


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> They want to see me, every msg / phone call we have they always say how much the miss me (and it nearly always brings a tear to my eye!)


That is awesome! Make sure you nurture and treat them like gold and hope that your wife doesn't poison that. 

My husband has a good relationship with my son and I think it's great. I think it's good for my husband and my son needs his father in many ways so I encourage them being together. This is the second weekend my son has spent over his father's house and my son seems to love going over there. I am hoping that if my husband figures out that there is someone to live for and get better for he might take some steps to fix himself. That someone isn't me (too much anger and resentment over the past) but it could be my son. 




> She has been very good at that, thats for sure


Tearing you down? . Hopefully it won't hurt for you anymore.

Eventually, as you get better and get confident in yourself it'll happen for you. Don't believe what she says! You sound like a good hearted soul who has made mistakes. Last time I checked, we all make mistakes!



> I'll send you her email, mobile & home phone numbers


No thanks, I got my own problem child. 




> got almost 5 hrs last night, 2 Largactil tablets


The other night after my fight with my husband I took a Diazepam. It's the generic for Valium. I was popping these like candy when my husband and I were still together. Then it was 2 times/day like the prescription says. This current bottle I have was filled on 12/8/10 and I still have almost a third of it so I'm doing good! 

Hopefully you'll be able to get a good night sleep on your own really soon.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> That is awesome! Make sure you nurture and treat them like gold and *hope that your wife doesn't poison that*.


yeah, well, thats always the problem.



> I am hoping that if my husband figures out that there is someone to live for and get better for he might take some steps to fix himself. That someone isn't me (too much anger and resentment over the past) but it could be my son.


My 4 kids are who I am living for,but don't me wrong, I am still very much in love with my wife !



> Tearing you down? Yes..she must take lessons from the same teacher as my husband. Hopefully it won't hurt for you anymore.


yeah, well, time will tell 


I'm amazed at the level of restraint I have now with my husband. He does everything he can to rile me up but it doesn't work because FINALLY I DON'T CARE. In my head and heart I believe that I'm BETTER than he is! I'm proud of that accomplishment. What a release it's been NOT TO CARE! 20 years in the making!



> Eventually, as you get better and get confident in yourself it'll happen for you. Don't believe what she says! You sound like a good hearted soul who has made mistakes. Last time I checked, we all make mistakes!


Yep, we all make mistakes.



> No thanks, I got my own problem child.






> The other night after my fight with my husband I took a Diazepam. It's the generic for Valium. I was popping these like candy when my husband and I were still together. Then it was 2 times/day like the prescription says. This current bottle I have was filled on 12/8/10 and I still have almost a third of it so I'm doing good! I only take it when he gets me riled up so the fact that it's not empty tells me something.


good for you, hopefully I will get to that point in the not too distant future !



> Hopefully you'll be able to get a good night sleep on your own really soon.


hoping, that seems to be the major stumbling block at the moment


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

> They taught me that one hours equals 60 minutes and that one minute equals 60 seconds, but they never told me that one second without you can last for ever!


.

Valentines day sucks


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

My tatt:


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Nice...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> Nice...


my daughter & sons


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I'm going to have an implant of my son's butt on my foot if he doesn't turn the TV down...


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...love the tattoo.I'm also getting one in the next 2 weeks,2 butterflies on the side of my stomach with my daughter's names in each.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...love the tattoo.I'm also getting one in the next 2 weeks,2 butterflies on the side of my stomach with my daughter's names in each.


Go for it, this one didn't hurt, took an hour to do, was like having a fingernail scraped across sunburn.

Funny story, my daughter & I went for a walk the other night, all of a sudden she decides to make a phone call, calls her mum (my 1st wife) says we will be there in 10 minutes.

Get there, all nice and stuff, then Jo says to her mum ' when you getting a tatt with Scott & My names?" reply not getting a tatt, daughter says, "dady loves us more than you do" then burts out laughing, 1st wife saw the funny side


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Awww how cute , yeah i'm sure my 5 year old will love the tattoo especially when she sees her name in one of them.I'm sure she'll also brag about it when she talks to her Dad. 
I'm not scared of the pain...at that point I really can take anything, physical pain does not scare me....the emotional pain is waaay worse...as we all know


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

ok, well, the (ex?) wife has been the one dictating the terms for the last few months (well, much longer if I think about it!) ad dI have just been reading post after post about 'nice guys' 'manning up' etc. (take two Valium, call me in the morning)

_I would like to know, is there any chance for us, or is it over.
You know I want to save our marriage, but if there isn't a chance of that happening I need to know so I can start moving on with my life. _

10 minutes after I sent that an sms came thru, my heart skipped a few beats, turned out it was my nephew !


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

OMG crank...i wonder if she is going to respond ?!
Maaan i can't even imagine how you must feel right now.
My husband freaked out a little when I asked him the same ,that was on the day when he moved us here .He said it's over and that there is no chance and i should move on ..... the next day he called and asked me to give him some time and that he feels that it so not completely over yet.
Hopefully she will come to her senses.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Valentines day, 2011, what a day to remember for me 

At this stage I believe I have done everything I can, and looks like it just wasn't enough

The boys are going to be devastated by having to move


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Gosh...so sorry (((hugs)))
Hopefully she will see the light.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Gosh...so sorry (((hugs)))
> Hopefully she will see the light.


devastated


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

I really don't understand that kind of people.We are not in high-school where we dump someone and than move on without looking back.
WTH?!

There are kids involved,years and years of marriage,precious memories ,vows ...how can they just say it's over without trying hard....
Why so much resentment and hatred ...you once loved this person,had precious kids with them...
Unbelievable...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> I really don't understand that kind of people.We are not in high-school where we dump someone and than move on without looking back.
> WTH?!
> 
> There are kids involved,years and years of marriage,precious memories ,vows ...how can they just say it's over without trying hard....
> ...


I still love her


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Official, emailed me 
As for the house:
"Therefore, I imagine the house will be on the market when I am ready to put it there."

absolutely devastated, I have been trying to psych myself up to accepting this over the last few weeks, but what can I say.

I have been looking at the price of rental units / flats back in the general area where I lived, $300 a week, no way can I afford that sort of price, even if I can get a job, just no way I can afford that, and bills and child support payments and still have anything left over to be able to buy food.

Right now, I see myself as completely screwed, nothing in the future remotely looking like some sort of beacon, pretty much 0 chance of work up around here, pretty much 0 chance of living back 'home' 

The woman I love and had seen myself as living with for the rest of our time, gone


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

vivea said:


> I really don't understand that kind of people.We are not in high-school where we dump someone and than move on without looking back.
> WTH?!
> 
> There are kids involved,years and years of marriage,precious memories ,vows ...how can they just say it's over without trying hard....
> ...


Pain does weird things to you. Many people are amazed that I walked away from my parents/sister and haven't talked to them in almost 8 years. They can't imagine it. If they only knew the details...

Not saying this is the same thing. This is obviously a very angry woman with a cross to bear. It's often like that. How can you speak like that and say these awful things to someone you love? :scratchhead: Blows me away...

Best thing to do is try and accept things and move on..but easier said then done. My heart goes out to you Crankshaw. Is there any social services that you can take advantage of to help you get housing, a job, anything?


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crankshow...i'm really sorry.  I'm sure you can never prepare for this moment,you think you're ready but when it happens all the bad emotions come back again.I know i'm going to hit rock bottom again if/when he tells me it over.
It sucks ,not only that you have to suffer emotionally because you love her but you have to deal with the financial horror.

I pretty much face the same thing,if he leaves me our quality of life is gone.I'm stay at home Mom, 2 young kids, one of them being 1 years old makes it really hard,can't put her in daycare,she hasn't been vaccinated yet.I can't work because of that.I haven't worked since 2004.He makes really good money so i hope the child support will be good...but these kids are not going to have the life I've imagined they will...at least not for a while.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

yeah, well, she is taking the single parent pension, that with other bits & pieces gives her about $700 a week, could be more, and she has the kids.
I get about $200 a week on unemployment, cost me $60 in fuel to see the kids the other day, $140 is not a lot to live on 
I have sent the boys a msg telling them I miss them them and love them very very much and I will call them and see them as much as I can, CATT team will be around today, psych appointment day after that, SS appointment after that, lawyer on monday
I wanted to call them last night, but the phone was off hook.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank please be strong,try as hard as you can,envision your boys and think about that as long as all of you are healthy everything else will be OK. It has to be OK.
I'm glad that you have called for help!Keep writing on here OK,that'll help you too.
So sorry....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank please be strong,try as hard as you can,envision your boys and think about that as long as all of you are healthy everything else will be OK. It has to be OK.
> I'm glad that you have called for help!Keep writing on here OK,that'll help you too.
> So sorry....


Hi vivea,
2 things I had to do today, get the mobile billing address & name changed to mine, get a prescription filled.
Billing address change is proving a drama for than I can deal with, and prescription, that should have cost $5.60 may end up costing $300 
just one negative after another, and the wife is still being deceptive about the pending sale of the house.
Oh, and I am still waiting for phone calls back from the schools my boys attend.
All in all, today has not been a good day.

Great, just fantastic, just burnt the muffins


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Oh crank am so sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Oh crank am so sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you.


thanks, just sent off a list of things I want from the house, 90% was just my stuff,wondering if I will get a reply.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

got a reply, happy enough with what I have asked for.

Stupid me or... we were together almost 22 years,just sent this to her:

"I just want to say thank you for what was the happiest 20 years of my life. You gave me two fantastic sons and many many more cherished memories.

You have been the best wife a man could ask for, and an even better mother, the best the kids could ever want or need

I am sorry that you felt you couldn't talk to me about issues you had.

I love you very much, and love our kids very very much, and will always have a spot in my heart for you.

I will, as much as time / money permits, spend as much time with Dan & Jus as often as I can. 

Take good care of yourself, and of Dan & Jus."

what do I expect from that, nothing.

{edit}
Just spoke to my boys, their mum has obviously told them not to say anything to me about their impending move 
The above still stands though.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...good for you,there is nothing wrong to tell her how/what you feel,it is not weakness it's strength .She needs to try and have some sort of relationship with you for the sake of the kids.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...good for you,there is nothing wrong to tell her how/what you feel,it is not weakness it's strength .She needs to try and have some sort of relationship with you for the sake of the kids.


thanks for that, means a lot to me.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

My daughter just came up with an idea that sorta appeals to me, it would solve a number of short term practical issues, but at the same time create some (short term?) emotional issues, and solve some emotional issues, is that complicated enough ?

My wife told me either I move out, or she would take the kids and move, to make life easier for them (nice guy, right) I moved.
This made life easier for her, but created quite a few extra stress issues for me: no job, no prospect of a job, now that I am here, how the hell am I going to be able to get work to be back near my home place, extremely limited contact with my 2 youngest sons <- that has been the hardest!

Now that it appears that she is / has moved, my daughter suggested that maybe I should simply(!) move back to the house. This idea has some merit to it, it would give me a chance to see my boys more, it would give me a chance to get a job, there are a number of things with the house that need to be finished off before it is ready for max sale price. It would give me better access to pro support services and finally, give me back some control over what is happening (hopefully!)

The downside is, emotionally it will be very very difficult 

Thoughts anyone ?

edit:
I don't mind telling you that the idea actually scares the heck out of me


----------



## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Hi crankshaw....I am having a similar dilema. When my husband left me, I moved in with some relatives who live nearby cos I couldn't take the pain of being in the same house as him whilst he searched for an apartment and started moving his things out. 

That was coming up to 4 months ago and only this week have a found the courage to go back to 'our' house. I just went for a 'visit' and stayed only about 2 hours - i took a friend with me. He left it in a mess. It was emotionally pretty traumatic. I only faced the downstairs - couldn't bring myself to face the bedroom yet.....

I will have to move back at some stage but I agree, this is very emotionally difficult....I still don't feel ready and i'm not sure when I will....still I am hoping it will be a way of starting to regain some control over my life again....

at the moment you are totally displaced - you aren't leading your 'normal' life without her in it....that is the same as me.....my life now is not like it was just without him......i am living somewhere different and not working (due to depression since this happened)......I feel i've lost control over everything....do you think going back to your home will help you take something back of your life........would it help you?. Have you got a friend or relative who could go with you to stay at first with you for a time so you are not alone?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Yes, I think going back to the house (home?) will give me some control back, more than likely I will stay over night (at first) with my sister, not sure, will depend on how my emotions go.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Well, she knew I was going to call last night at 7:30, she knew I was going to call tonight at 7:30, last night she went out, tonight 'all phones off hook for a little while' so I sent her an sms asking when she was going to allow me to speak to my sons.

Off to the solicitor monday,


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> Well, she knew I was going to call last night at 7:30, she knew I was going to call tonight at 7:30, last night she went out, tonight 'all phones off hook for a little while' so I sent her an sms asking when she was going to allow me to speak to my sons.
> 
> Off to the solicitor monday, along with screen captures of her yahoo chat status updates.


Using the children is disgusting, I am sorry, I don't know your wife etc... but at times I hate my H for the pain and hurt he has caused me and our young children. BUT I have NEVER stopped him talking too or seeing his children... Even when he boarded a plane and left them not seeing them for a month, I still encouraged him to see them, believe me there were times where I wanted to really hurt him and know the children would be the only way but I still NEVER did it... 

I am so sorry for you Crank *hugs*


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Using the children is disgusting, I am sorry, I don't know your wife etc... but at times I hate my H for the pain and hurt he has caused me and our young children. BUT I have NEVER stopped him talking too or seeing his children... Even when he boarded a plane and left them not seeing them for a month, I still encouraged him to see them, believe me there were times where I wanted to really hurt him and know the children would be the only way but I still NEVER did it...
> 
> I am so sorry for you Crank *hugs*


na, I fully expected it to happen, she doesn't want the kids slipping and telling me they are moving house.
22 years afo my 1st wife made it a battle to see my kids, my 2nd wife has said many many times about access to my young sons 'I am NOT (1st wife)' guess, what, yes you are, same battles 22 years later, but this time I have my 2 kids from the 1st marriage by my side, as well as my sister !!!


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Oh geez..I can't believe some people. I like the fact that my husband wants to be with my son and my son wants to go visit. Maybe it's because I actually do still love and care about my husband I'm thinking that his seeing my son might get him thinking that there IS something to live for, to strive to get better for.
Or maybe not. At least my son is happy. 

I'd move into your old house. Redecorate it and be happy that you've solved a problem by moving in there. Go for it.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Oh geez..I can't believe some people. I like the fact that my husband wants to be with my son and my son wants to go visit. Maybe it's because I actually do still love and care about my husband I'm thinking that his seeing my son might get him thinking that there IS something to live for, to strive to get better for.
> Or maybe not. At least my son is happy.


She is angry, she doesn't want me to know she is moving, but I have already told her I know she is moving 



> I'd move into your old house. Redecorate it and be happy that you've solved a problem by moving in there. Go for it.


not so much the redecorate part, but yes,I intend moving in, heck, I even have 2 (maybe 3) free meals a week lined up at friends / family


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> She is angry, she doesn't want me to know she is moving, but I have already told her I know she is moving
> 
> 
> 
> not so much the redecorate part, but yes,I intend moving in, heck, I even have 2 (maybe 3) free meals a week lined up at friends / family


Can I move in too? Could do with being fed and having a bit of sunshine! lol


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Can I move in too? Could do with being fed and having a bit of sunshine! lol


hey, it is a 3 bedroom house, 2 toilets, only the one bathroom though


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*Time moving on*

oh, and my daughter has pretty much banned me from listening to fleetwood mac 'Goldust Women' <- click

Rock on- gold dust woman
Take your silver spoon
And dig your grave

Heartless challenge
Pick your path and I'll pray

Wake up in the morning
See your sunrise- loves- to go down
Lousy lovers- pick their prey
But they never cry out loud

*Did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love
Is it over now- do you know how
Pick up the pieces and go home.*

Rock on- ancient woman
Follow those who pale
In your shadow

Rulers make bad lovers
You better put your kingdom up for sale

*Did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love
Is it over now- do you know how
Pickup the pieces and go home.*

Yes, she did, and I slowly am

This is the song I was listening to when I was sitting in the car, and it still brings a few tears (like right now) so I generally avoid that song, even though I have always loved it...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*'D' day*

So here we are, Saturday morning 8:00am
time for a rant.

I am feeling really down at the moment, lack of sleep, knowing that today W & kids are moving, not knowing where they are moving to or how to call & speak to my kids.

angry, abused, used, disrespected, deceived, upset, lonely right now, life sucks, I know it will get better, but hard to see that right now 

Last night, lying in bed, all I wanted was a) to have a decent woman with me and 'spoon' and b) sleep 

edit:
daughter, her partner have gone out for a drive, they need their time, but it feels so lonely right now 
and here it is, Saturday night, I am at home by myself, the rest are going to a girls night out party somewhere .


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

*Re: Time moving on*



Crankshaw said:


> oh, and my daughter has pretty much banned me from listening to fleetwood mac 'Goldust Women' <- click


Well, it could be worse..you could be listening to "Buried Alive" by Avenged Sevenfold..

YouTube - Avenged Sevenfold - Buried Alive Lyric Video

_Take the time just to listen
When the voices screaming are much too loud
Take a look in the distance
Try and see it all

Chances are that ya might find
That we share a common discomfort now
I feel I'm walking a fine line
Tell me only if it's real

Still I'm on my way
On and on it goes
Vacant hope to take

Hey I can't live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold onto faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And it seems I've been buried alive

I walked the fields through the fire
Taking steps until I found solid ground
Followed dreams reaching higher
Couldn't survive the fall
Much has changed since the last time
And I feel a little less certain now
You know I jumped at the first sign
Tell me only if it's real

Memories seem to fade
On and on it goes
Wash my view away

Hey I can't live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold onto faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And I'm chained like a slave
Trapped in the dark
Slammed all the locks
Death calls my name
And it seems I've been buried alive

Take you down now
Burn it all out
Throw you all around
Get your fu*cking hands off me
What's it feel like?
Took the wrong route
Watch it fall apart
Now you're knockin' at the wrong gate

For you to pay the toll
A price for you alone
The only deal you'll find
I'll gladly take your soul

While it seems sick
Sober up quick
Psycho lunatic
Crushing you with hands of fate
Shame to find out when it's too late
But you're all the same
Trapped inside inferno awaits

Evil thoughts can hide
I'll help release the mind
I'll peel away the skin
Release the dark within

This is now your life
Strike you from the light
This is now your life
Die buried alive 

This is now your life
Die buried alive_

Damn, I love that song!! :smthumbup: I used to play it alot last summer, especially when my husband was in rehab.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crank, don't worry. It WILL get better. Keep the faith and forge ahead. You will get through this!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Crank, don't worry. It WILL get better. Keep the faith and forge ahead. You will get through this!


yeah, I know (hope!) I will, the loneliness (even when others are here) is hard to break thru, I guess I just don't like my own company at the moment 
Sh*ts me, I had a really good day yesterday, and today has been so down


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> yeah, I know (hope!) I will, the loneliness (even when others are here) is hard to break thru, I guess I just don't like my own company at the moment
> Sh*ts me, I had a really good day yesterday, and today has been so down


Well as you know I went out last night, got drunk & danced, what I didn't say was I cried like a baby in the toilets! My H emailed me yesterday telling me this is it for him. My heart broke all over again, I didn't reply to his mail, I didnt answer the phone when he called in the evening. My friend dragged me out & I plastered it all over fb what a wonderful time I was having... I wasn't  but at least I didn't text him... although I nearly did. I'm hoping/praying he sees the light.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

AmImad...did he send you the Email before or after he knew you'll be going out?!
I'm sorry girl,i'm right there with you,you know that.
The worst part is that sometimes you feel like you have to pretend you're fine in front of close people...but you're crying like a baby inside ...i was doing that but now i decided not to do it and if i feel like crying I do that in front of whoever...no more pretending...that magnifies the loneliness...when you put it out there that you're hurting and tell the closest people and just let it out you feel 50% better.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

vivea said:


> AmImad...did he send you the Email before or after he knew you'll be going out?!


After.... I told him to "Scrap the invitation (of coming over) as I had other plans"....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> AmImad...did he send you the Email before or after he knew you'll be going out?!
> I'm sorry girl,i'm right there with you,you know that.
> The worst part is that sometimes you feel like you have to pretend you're fine in front of close people...but you're crying like a baby inside ...i was doing that but now i decided not to do it and if i feel like crying I do that in front of whoever...no more pretending...that magnifies the loneliness...when you put it out there that you're hurting and tell the closest people and just let it out you feel 50% better.


good advice, bit harder for us guys to follow though


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

bloody mind games, W is so very good at it, and knows me so very well, damn it !


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> After.... I told him to "Scrap the invitation (of coming over) as I had other plans"....


AmImad...i see , well it seems like than he was mad and that is why he sent you that Email....out of anger...don't read too much into it.

Crank...what did she do again?!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> AmImad...i see , well it seems like than he was mad and that is why he sent you that Email....out of anger...don't read too much into it.
> 
> Crank...what did she do again?!


withdrew, then told me either I go, or she packs up the kids and she goes, now ignores my requests to speak to my boys, apparently she has now moved house (so my fully owned for house is empty!).


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

vivea said:


> AmImad...i see , well it seems like than he was mad and that is why he sent you that Email....out of anger...don't read too much into it.


God I bloody hope so  But he told me on Wednesday that he was done... and he wanted a divorce... He's only said it out of anger before... But he hasn't told me to my face..


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

AmImad said:


> After.... I told him to "Scrap the invitation (of coming over) as I had other plans"....


I think he did this to get back at you. He sounds very vindictive. 

You need to avoid your husband for awhile. Don't answer your phone, delete his texts...get your head screwed on straight and don't let him unscrew it. 

Crank, sounds like you need some legal representation so you can have both access to your kids and your house.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Crank, sounds like you need some legal representation so you can have both access to your kids and your house.


going to see a lawyer this morning (it's 3:15am here).


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:smthumbup: Good on you! Now go to sleep! 

Good luck!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :smthumbup: Good on you! Now go to sleep!


Just this moment said to a nice young lady that if I don't get to sleep soon I will go for a walk, little chilly outside, but the sky is crystal clear and the moon is almost full, the stars, almost breath taking to see !



> Good luck!


what will be will be (and if that doesn't work there is always plan 'b', haven't thought of it yet, but give me time


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Thank you Freak..

He hasn't told me he loves me tho.. he hasn't said anything at all infact, just that there is no one else...

He is a control freak  I am trying to do it now, 3 days with no texts! Wow that is an achievement for me believe me! I did have a bloody good cry today when I saw him, but I had a realisation, that the person standing in front of me, looked liked someone I once knew and loved... but it wasn't him (if that makes sense and doesn't make me sound like a weirdo!)


I saw him come online on facebook and didn't say anything. It's nice being able to talk to other people, and tbh, it takes my mind off him..

Plan B.. well that's what I am doing, no contact hehe I need to have a Plan C!!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> that the person standing in front of me, looked liked someone I once knew and loved... but it wasn't him


believe me i know exactly what you're saying,H. was like that for about 3 weeks with me...cold as a stone,very hurtful...it was crazy how I looked at him and didn't see HIM at all...only when i moved here he changed...and started getting back to the person i know...even the last time when he was here and hugged me 3 times i could see HIM .
That is why I am hopeful that he is coming around....as i said hopeful 

Yeah is't for me day 4 since i heard his voice last....it's brutal but i have to do it...at least i know we'll talk on Wednesday....or at least i think.


I plan on telling H. that if he even has a little desire to try again ..this is the time...damage has been done but the more he waits the more damage will be done and than the recovery will be waaay longer....if ever. 
I was just reading about a couple that separated ,had relationships and now are back together happier than ever ,they overcame the split but not the relationships they were in while apart...they both regret it.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

vivea said:


> believe me i know exactly what you're saying,H. was like that for about 3 weeks with me...cold as a stone,very hurtful...it was crazy how I looked at him and didn't see HIM at all...only when i moved here he changed...and started getting back to the person i know...even the last time when he was here and hugged me 3 times i could see HIM .
> That is why I am hopeful that he is coming around....as i said hopeful
> 
> Yeah is't for me day 4 since i heard his voice last....it's brutal but i have to do it...at least i know we'll talk on Wednesday....or at least i think.
> ...



How long have you been seperated? It's a nightmare isn't it? He calls to talk to the children to say goodnight and the last one to talk always hands me the phone and he just says "Ok, thanks for that, have a nice evening, bye" And hangs up  I am praying that in a couple of weeks, he'll miss not chatting to me, will wonder what I am up too, etc..

It does seem like that doesn't it, that the more they are away from us, the longer it will take to fix, I tried saying that to my H, but now, he just doesn't have the desire to fix anything, to him I am just his 'Ex' it breaks my heart 
We have to be careful not to force the issue but at the same time, we can't be sat around waiting for them forever!

I love happy endings! My H, has belittled me telling me I was fat and ugly, no one would want me, that I held myself in too high regard etc...well today my Bestfriends husbands bestfriend (if that makes sense) asked me out for a drink.. he knows all about me, we've known each other a while... So I really cant be 'THAT' bad can I? (I still said no for the moment)

I am hurting alot, but I am beginning to think that maybe, just maybe there might be someone out there who will treat me with love and respect


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Well unofficially we have been separated since December 1st.3 months before that i barely could see him due to him working in GA and SC ...he tried to transition from one job to the other and he virtually had no days off ,the ones he had off he had to travel from point A to point B.

Officially we're separated since Christmas ,he came for the day ,told me and left an hour later....and turned cold as a stone...so actually he was very cold to me for a month... 

--------


> My H, has belittled me telling me I was fat and ugly


Gosh it's horrible that he tells you stuff like that...did he tell you this after the separation or before. I'm pretty slim and very fit ,H. never told me stuff about my self-image...ever...but after the split in one of his brutal moments he pointed at my body and said that i just don't do it for him anymore ...this(pointing at my body) doesn't work for him.
I was like "whaaaat?!" ...i mean i had a baby a year ago and i look exactly like i looked when we met 10 years ago.i take care of myself....so when he said that to me i really didn't take it hard...it just seemed that he was looking for something to hurt me.

I even told him that on the last conversation,i told him that i do not even remember all the nasty things he had told me since the split and the reason is because i'm trying hard to love him and if i believe that he really meant these things that he said i would hate him and we would never have a chance of fixing it.I told him in my mind i do try to convince myself that this isn't HIM but a disease in his brain that took over for a little ...i kind of do believe that it's a sort of an illness and talks instead of my sweet husband...i'm battling the disease...


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

AmImad said:


> I did have a bloody good cry today when I saw him, but I had a realisation, that the person standing in front of me, looked liked someone I once knew and loved... but it wasn't him (if that makes sense and doesn't make me sound like a weirdo!)


It makes a TON of sense. It's how I feel! :iagree:

The man I loved and considered my best friend and lover is but a shade of what he once was. The husband I knew for 20 years wouldn't have done half the things he did in the past 6 months. Deep down he knows what he's become and he doesn't want to face it. Until he does face it things won't improve. 

Stick to your guns and keep that distance between you and he. I'd take him off your Facebook too. It'll be a big step..trust me. 

When you feel better and happier not being with him then you've won. You'll be free! :smthumbup: Plan C will be to rebuild your life and feel great being on your own!


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

These husbands who tell you gals that you are fat and ugly, not desirable anymore, etc..they do this to make you feel small and to build themselves up. What a load of crap to shove at you...

Consider the source of the insult and walk away because chances are it's not worth what you paid for it.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

never said my W was fat or ugly or anything like that, she is being a cold hearted ***** though


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Thank you ladies,

Well ok I am not super skinny, I have 3 kids, but I am 'curvy' I don't think I am horrendously ugly, I mean, he was with me for nearly 15 years, so am I 'that' bad.. The thing is, he is no George Clooney!

Today it seems like word has got out that I am single! I have had several male friends tell me, that they have always wondered why I was with my H, ok I wasn't propositioned or anything, maybe they were trying to boost my ego, but one friend whom we've known for 12 years, said I always made my H look good, and he is sickened by the way he has treated the children and I, that Karma is going to be a *****...And he actually told my H what he thought.

It's hard when friends have to chose between us, My H made a comment to our friend saying that he just wanted to f*ck me so now's his chance.. Nice..

I don't know this man at all any more, and do you know what I am slowly (very very slowly) beginning to realise I don't like this man... Today although I was upset today when he left, I think my 'fog' is starting to lift and it kinda scares me


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Thank you ladies,


tap tap tap, is this thing on, hellloooo 



> Today it seems like word has got out that I am single!


now you will have the guys lining up


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> Originally Posted by AmImad
> Thank you ladies,





Crankshaw said:


> tap tap tap, is this thing on, hellloooo



hahaha she probably meant that you have a gentle soul ,i would say it's a nice compliment jk jk

-----------------------
AmImad...Wow he really is going crazy..to say such thing to a friend...WTH?! 

My self esteem never went down with his comments,I like myself and that is what counts,i can see that the guys at the gym are staring at me..that is enough validation for me.I'm just not a flirt , when i commit to a guy I am faithful so I will be faithful until I believe it's over for us.

When H. came the last time as I said he stared at me like he hasn't seen me before,pointed out my new clothes ,loved my new perfume,my hair....i made sure I look different...i think i succeeded in raising his curiosity ,i could feel that he really liked the way I looked.


MY H. was not very happy that at the building here where I moved... live 3 single firefighters and a police officer ,when the girl from the office mentioned that i could feel that he became extremely uncomfortable :BoomSmilie_anim:

He saw the police officer car outside the building and I just threw in a comment "hmmm,i think i need to get to know that guy,could be useful" :rofl: ... i just loved the expression on his face.
Than 2 days later he asked me if i met somebody from 
the building...i bluffed and said"yeah i met a woman and a guy from the 2nd floor (didn't specify which one)...didn't want to keep going ...but he didn't like the picture.BTW i didn't meet anyone yet,just saw the firefighters from the window,really good looking guys ,have not seen the police officer yet too,his car is always outside during the day...
I'm telling you guys it's all high school games at the moment...but if they want to play that game...let be it!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Well, the W has not bothered to respond to my emails, or sms, phone rings out, I don't know exactly where she is living, so had little choice but to see a lawyer this morning, she sent email to the W, email was:


"Good morning W,

I have instructions to act on behalf of your ex-husband, H, with respect to family law childrens matters concerning the children of your relationship:-

(sons 1 & 2)

I am instructed that you separated from my client on 26th January 2011 and the children have had contact with my client on only one occasion being Sunday 13th February 2011. My client is keen to establish regular and meaningful communication and contact with the children. He is keen to spend time with the children on a regular basis.

The Family Law Courts regard it as imperative that the children maintain meaningful and strong relationships with both parents, except in exceptional circumstances.

Would you kindly contact my office as a matter of priority in order to avoid unnecessary legal proceedings in this matter. My client is willing to participate in Roundtable Dispute Management mediation in an attempt to resolve this matter without recourse to legal proceedings. I would recommend that you seek independent legal advice with respect to these matters with priority.

Regards,
etc etc

nothing threatening and no mention of property, thats a secondary concern at this time.
She has received the email, will have to now sit back and wait.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> hahaha she probably meant that you have a gentle soul ,i would say it's a nice compliment jk jk


oh, ok, thats alright then


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Good job Crank...it was about time.
She is hurting the kids that way,doesn't she realize that!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Good job Crank...it was about time.
> She is hurting the kids that way,doesn't she realize that!


I do not know, want to call her and ask


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Don't call her! You are paying a lawyer to handle this. Now you _have_ to remain cold and calculating. You can't let your emotions get the better of you. Stay stong dude! :smthumbup:

You made a good move retaining a lawyer. You want to see your kids and that letter will definitely "shake the tree" and get her attention. The BEST thing you can do now is remain distant and remote from your wife..let it sink it that SHE is not the only one calling the shots.

Come on, it's gotta feel good knowing she's sweating it a bit, eh?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Don't call her! You are paying a lawyer to handle this. Now you _have_ to remain cold and calculating. You can't let your emotions get the better of you. Stay stong dude! :smthumbup:


not me calling her, vivea calling her and asking 
(and the 1st visit was free, then, all going well, legal aid will be paying the legal fees!)



> You made a good move retaining a lawyer. You want to see your kids and that letter will definitely "shake the tree" and get her attention. The BEST thing you can do now is remain distant and remote from your wife..let it sink it that SHE is not the only one calling the shots.


thats the intention, get some control back.



> Come on, it's gotta feel good knowing she's sweating it a bit, eh?


I think she will be pissed off more than anything, probably go see the lawyers I used (after a couple of years) with the 1st wife  (except the lady lawyer is no longer there, she has retired I think)


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

and just so you know (JSYK) I am eating some freshly baked bread


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

One other thing, I will accept 'crank' as a shortened version of Crankshaw, but will not accept 'cranky' now you all know one of my boarders


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

we hardly know each other and already there are borders...

you must know my wife...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> we hardly know each other and already there are borders...
> 
> you must know my wife...


and I did actually :lol:


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> not me calling her, vivea calling her and asking


I see..I read it wrong.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Now Crank, I wasn't calling you a lady! I was just thanking the kind ladies for replying to my msg 

I feel like a complete idiot and need to be slapped 

Last night I got a txt message from him:

"Sweet dreams. I hope the children sleep though, not that they will- but thought I would just say it"

I replied, "Thanks. I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but I missed ya this weekend. Have a good week."

Of course I got no reply and I hurt all over again ARRRRRGH! I thought I was doing really well... WHY did he have to send me a nice txt?... to lure me back in so he can crap on me from a great height again? To try and gain some of the control that he was losing.. :scratchhead: Do you think it's another game? Does he really want to lose me forever 

Crank: As for guys lining up- HA! I just think they were being very sweet.

Vivea: Well I am only really attempting to make him jealous via facebook as the children and I are in the same house, and have OAP's living next door lol

I changed my perfume, my hair and clothes a few weeks back and he did notice.. but that was before he said he was done


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Now Crank, I wasn't calling you a lady! I was just thanking the kind ladies for replying to my msg


hehehehehe



> I feel like a complete idiot and need to be slapped


(shuddup crank, don't say a thing !!!)



> Does he really want to lose me forever


most likely not, orr at the very least he doesn't know.



> Crank: As for guys lining up- HA! I just think they were being very sweet.


maybe, but take all the compliments you get, compliments will not hurt 



> Vivea: Well I am only really attempting to make him jealous via facebook as the children and I are in the same house, and have OAP's living next door lol


Let him see that you are doing OK, see my FB page sometimes does not reflect what I show to people here, FB most of my 'friends' actually know me in person on FB



> I changed my perfume, my hair and clothes a few weeks back and he did notice.. but that was before he said he was done


50% of what people tell their partners in times of breakup is lies to stop their own pain, anger is an easier emotion to deal with / justify than pain / sorrow, keep that in mind !


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> hehehehehe
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

well, 5:30am, went to bed about 9:30 (I think, woke up at 2, then 3 then 4 and got up at 5am, got about 6hr all up, now if I could just get that in one hit 
Anyway, check my email and lo & behold:

"As you guessed, we moved out of the house on the weekend. Our new address is 50 *******, Mooroolbark. I do not have a landline telephone connected, and only mobile internet. Also take note of the new email address. It will not be checked every day.

You can pick up your things from the house any time that suits now. I have left quite a few things that were not on your list, have a look through cupboards etc. Once you've got all your things, let me know and I will do a general cleanup.

The electricity and gas will be disconnected Wednesday. The phone, internet and insurances were all in your name so I could not do anything about those.

Such a big fuss over not speaking to the boys for a few days! Think you might be over-reacting just a little? Why didn't you just call the mobile like everyone else?"

1) rubbish, she will check email every day.
2) I wont be picking things up
3) She wont be doing a clean-up
4) Power & gas will be back on thursday or friday
5) not a big fuss, it has been a week, not over reacting & you wouldn't answer the mobile
6) no mention of being able to see the boys.
7) other than power & gas, no answers to any of my questions
8) Mooroolbark is one suburb away from my house.

No, I have *not* replied to her, I would love to with the above, but I shall not.

I forwarded this to my solicitor and shall wait for a reply from her.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> This made me lol!


Good, laughter really is the best medicine, it is actually a true fact !!!



> I am hoping this is the case He seemed pretty damn sure, but how can you tell from an email.. he hasn't even spoken to me face to face


You can't, written words mean nothing (see the email from my W, means nothing)



> This is very true, I smiled quite a bit when being told I was an attractive, intelligent woman, that didn't need him.


All true, you just have to let yourself believe.



> When I saw him yesterday, he looked so tired, but that could be because of anything, not because of 'us' He's probably up talking to 'her' although he says he's not.... but he's lied before right? And I can't do anything about it while we don't live together


Yes, he has lied before, and stop thinking like that, what he does, or doesn't do, is not your concern right now, your concern is *you* and your kids.



> I am hoping he will miss me x


I hope my W is missing me, and I hope that she is feeling the pain like I feel, I sometimes hope a bird sh*ts on her shoulder when she is with a group of her 'friends' but hope is not a method 
*hugs*


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:smthumbup:You go dude! Show her what you're made of!


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crank you're right yet again, thanks!

I am glad she actually emailed you back.. and you know where
here your boys are!

My H walked out and took his clothes, pc and a knife block (My H is a keen cook and my parents spent a fortune on a set of knives for him)

He hasn't taken anything else... I don't know if I should start sorting stuff out *sigh*

Stay strong!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...wow she responded ...the law scares her haha ,well now we know 1 thing scares her for sure.
-------------------
H. took all his personal stuff but left everything else for us,well he lives in a furnished apartment at the moment .We do have a whole bunch of stuff in storage ,i'm missing many of my things but they are in SC .
I really don't care about stuff at that point,i could care less what'll happen with our stuff in storage...


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

It's hard walking around seeing all his things.. he doesn't seem in any hurry to pick things up.. what does that tell you? :S


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :smthumbup:You go dude! Show her what you're made of!


And her rent is $270 a week, house is smaller than mine, the block has 2 houses on it (google & google maps)



AmImad said:


> Crank you're right yet again, thanks!
> 
> I am glad she actually emailed you back.. and you know where
> here your boys are!


listen to crank, he is always right (except when he isin't!)
And yes, I now know where my boys are.



> He hasn't taken anything else... I don't know if I should start sorting stuff out *sigh*


Only make a special effort to pack things of his away if you have someone with you, and are looking for something to do !



> Stay strong!


shall do my best 



vivea said:


> Crank...wow she responded ...the law scares her haha ,well now we know 1 thing scares her for sure.


Yes, but her carefully worded reply makes no mention of access to my kids... took her more than an hour to write that reply



AmImad said:


> It's hard walking around seeing all his things.. he doesn't seem in any hurry to pick things up.. what does that tell you? :S


What I am dreading going back to the house, and it tells you nothing, try not to see things that are not there !

Thanks to all you rowdy bunch, I am getting back to where I was a few years back. hugs all round.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

poor Max, gone from a nice big backyard, to pretty much no yard, I might tell he it is not fair on Max & I will take him
(Max is part Lab part german shepheard, and great company)


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> poor Max, gone from a nice big backyard, to pretty much no yard, I might tell he it is not fair on Max & I will take him
> (Max is part Lab part german shepheard, and great company)


Shared custody, you have him during the week, and swap him for the kids at the weekend? x


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Ohhh God you guys have pet too...we had to put our Dobe down just 4 months ago ,she was 13 yrs old and very sick...the pain was unbearable .I can swear i still hear her breathing.
I'm happy though that she's not alive to witness this mess. 
She was with us from the very beginning of our relationship.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw, 

Try and keep your dog with you. I bet he'd be great company. More than you realize. Especially if you live alone. The boys could come over and see you AND the dog. 

At least get shared custody. 

Fortunately we had no pets to deal with when we moved.


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Yes, do try to keep the dog, he needs a yard. And he would be great company. 

We have a black lab.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I got to keep all the dogs and the three cats...


I hate cats!!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

It is a suggestion I will make (that Max stays with me), I have not yet told her I am moving back into the house.

DjF, I don't hate cats, but would prefer to not have any 

Sent her an sms this morning

me ' has the roof been paid for'

her ' the mob who did it have been paid'

me ' the bank loan, the money was in the offset account to pay the loan'

her '$2000 was used to pay credit card early Jan. I have not done anything with the loan other than to continue to pay off fortnightly. Don't want to be accused of taking money from the interest saver account'

me 'ok'

It was just to let her know I had not forgotten about the almost $12k that was in the bank


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Shared custody, you have him during the week, and swap him for the kids at the weekend? x


I almost like that one  x


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

bloody sleep fairy, oh well, 5 hrs straight is better than 1 or 2hrs, right


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Heck yeah!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Heck yeah!


and then another 2hrs worth after than


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*It gets better all the time *

5 days ago I sent an email to W asking asking the house / contents insurance, as per usual, didn't get a reply.
Yes I sent another email about the insurance, no reply, so I sent an sms

"me :House insurance details ?
her:Give me a break! I will get the info to you when I find it.
me : If you had acknowledged the email I wouldn't have sent the sms
her: Maybe you should take into account not everyone sits infront of theri computer all day & night waiting for someone to send them an email or post something on facebook
me: I was referring to the email sent on 18th, the one that also says optus was paid."
her:Well, given that you have hassled me for every day about something, excuse me if I have trouble keeping up
me: ?"

16th, one email, a forward of credit card rejection
17th 1 email saying I wanted to call the kids and what were the details for phone, gas/power and 1 email saying guess you didn't get my last email.
18th 1 email about optus payment, and asked again about insurance details, 1 email that was a reply to an sms from her
19th 1 email asking about access to kids, 1 email adding an item to my list of things I want from the house
20th asking when I could see / speak to the kids
22nd asking about house insurance


So, yep, everyday there has been something (ok, not everyday


couple of things, 5 days ago she was yet to start to pack, would have taken 20 seconds to get the info.

Not her more usual business like messages, she seems to be getting a little frazzled !

No defensive words from me with regards to sitting in front of computer, I will do whatever the hell I want to do with my time for the time being (the decking at my daughters place has been taking a lot of my time, but thats not her concern)

I have a facebook stalker - I feel loved


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Oooh! Maybe you should have no contact  lol I wonder if I have a fb stalker to? Here's hoping!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Oooh! Maybe you should have no contact  lol


this now all a game, contact I have is non personal, the tables have been turning, first it was me sending personal (not insulting) to her and her being business like, now it is the other way around .



> I wonder if I have a fb stalker to? Here's hoping!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol: you can only hope I am, no, wait, I didn't say that !!!


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I need to take a leaf from your book then  Ive been good though, no I love yous or I miss yous.. 
I wonder if he is checking out my fb... I guess I'll never know?...

Haha! Thanks for making me smile! Xxx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> I need to take a leaf from your book then  Ive been good though, no I love yous or I miss yous..
> I wonder if he is checking out my fb... I guess I'll never know?...


assume he is, but don't stress over it.



> Haha! Thanks for making me smile! Xxx
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


my pleasure xxx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

wopoooppppssss, now I've done it, she is going to see a real lawyer on Monday.
Does that mean all this time she has been seeing a fake lawyer ?

Her lawyer can speak to my lawyer I guess.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*aaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh !*

ok, so I have moved back to my house, so far so good.
W wrote:

"You can pick up your things from the house any time that suits now. I have left quite a few things that were not on your list, have a look through cupboards etc. Once you've got all your things, let me know and I will do a general cleanup."

I thought, ok, my sister thought, booby traps? spiders ?
Wont bother to reply, she doesn't know I am moving back to the house.

I walk in the back door, into the laundry, and stopped in my tracks, the washing machine & freezer, both less than 2 years old, are where they were when I left.
Into the kitchen, ok, microwave is there, start opening cupboards, full crockery set, knives, forks, spoons, only things missing are pots & pans and food & fridge.

what the heck is going on?

Into the dining room, her grandmothers sideboard is there, everything still in it, lounge room, tv, surround sound pvr all still there in the cabinet, linen press, sheets, blankets, doonas, pillows, towels etc.

Main bedroom are two single beds, she took her mattress though, she left a couple of sets of drawers.

If she didn't have room for the stuff, why not store all that stuff at her parents place (they have room), why leave all this stuff here.

I expected to come back to a near on completely empty house, I wasn't ready for this.

The house is almost set up as a home again, dining table & chairs from my daughter & her partner, my sister came up with a lounge suit, vacuum cleaner, Iron, ironing board, queen size bed for main bedroom, cleaning bits & pieces, toilet rolls, a fridge, then spent a few hours cleaning the place.

(Now keep in mind, up until a couple of months ago, I hadn't seen her for about 20 years !)(yes, my family having been fantastic and continue to amaze me!)

Confused, damn right I am, what the heck is going on ?
She took the wedding photo album, but left a picture in a small frame, she sorted photo albums and left me with 4 or 5 albums of photos, again, what the heck is going on, she had a truck here, why didn't she just take all this stuff, why spend the time sorting thru 10 or 15 albums ?

She took my wedding ring, its has a couple of cracks in it, prob only worth $50 for the gold value, yes, she took her wedding & engagement & eternity rings - why ?

Ok, having trouble trying to work all this, but then my moblie stops working, ok, put the new sim card, wont work, call the mobile company, they say there is a problem with the previous carrier
call previous carrier, the phone is still in the old owners name.

Now this was supposed to be sorted out already, 2 weeks of my time, it has been a personal battle, I want to keep this phone number (the W said I couldn't, but it is not her phone, and it wasn't in her name), I got pretty bloody angry with the 'customer support' person I can tell you 'ring the store where you did the change over at' he says I told him to damn well ring them and a few choice words, at the end, he says I wont know until tomorrow after noon

Then the landline rings, I answer, it is Dans school calling, they ask for W, I tell them she is not here, I am his father, they say no, nothing wrong, and they are sorry, W had been in there yesterday and given them the new phone number - when do I get it so I can talk to my kids.

Stressed, damn right I am, back into my house, my family is not here, the boys room are completely empty, all these things that I know she loved (plants, pictures etc) all still here, so many damned questions, no damn answers, I want to ring her and ask, but I wont, I want to wait for as long as possible before she knows I am back here.

I will email her, tell her my phone is broken, ask (again) when I can call the kids, tell her I away from my daughters place for a couple of days, so the kids can't try calling me there, ask her when she will have a land line.

not cranky, confused & stressed (and the last couple of days have been so good!)(it is the mobile that got me!)

_It just dawned on me that she did take the packet of durex and her 2 vibrators, no idea why I just thought of that ?_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

damn time zone


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...hmmmm ...may be she was planning to go and get her stuff later...she has no idea you'll be moving in , she knows you're not going to take her stuff that is why she is not worried....i guess...

Hope she responds about the boys at least.
Sorry about your stressed day....it sucks...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...hmmmm ...may be she was planning to go and get her stuff later...she has no idea you'll be moving in , she knows you're not going to take her stuff that is why she is not worried....i guess...
> 
> Hope she responds about the boys at least.
> Sorry about your stressed day....it sucks...


no, she has moved, she has left all this gear here.
It is saving me a lot of $$, but why has she been so generous when up till now she has been a total hard bit*h ?

and I hope she responds as well, mobile is broken so I don't have her mobile, only contact is going there or email, going to her place unannounced is not a good option though


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

and to top it all off, I have not been able to sleep had less than 1hr since 5am yesterday, now it is 6:30am


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

You really need to just rest up, believe me, I don't sleep hardly at all atm, but if you're resting it's better than nothing..

Did she respond by the way? x


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> You really need to just rest up, believe me, I don't sleep hardly at all atm, but if you're resting it's better than nothing..
> 
> Did she respond by the way? x


no response yet.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

crank...i'm right with you...couldn't sleep last night at all,all in all 3 hrs here and there ...had horrible nightmares also...
Gosh ..the torture doesn't end...and i know it's not going to end soon and that depresses me more...


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

vivea said:


> crank...i'm right with you...couldn't sleep last night at all,all in all 3 hrs here and there ...had horrible nightmares also...
> Gosh ..the torture doesn't end...and i know it's not going to end soon and that depresses me more...


Sheesh, I don't think any of us got any rest!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Lets hope for a better night tonight...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> crank...i'm right with you...couldn't sleep last night at all,all in all 3 hrs here and there ...had horrible nightmares also...
> Gosh ..the torture doesn't end...and i know it's not going to end soon and that depresses me more...


all up this week, from monday, I would say I have had about 12 hrs sleep.



AmImad said:


> Sheesh, I don't think any of us got any rest!


looking that way 



vivea said:


> Lets hope for a better night tonight...


well, I was on the phone to the support team at 5:30 this morning, just not coping at the house, mainly because of lack of sleep I believe, and the mobile phone drama, and whats been left here


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I haven't slept in my house for a week  I have to go back this weekend  xxx


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

even with things going better...I still know not of this thing called "sleep" you speak of???


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

just got an email from her, I have not replied to her, I just forward everything on to my solicitor.


> I have had the Professionals come and do a valuation - they said between $430-460 and are ready to take action as soon as we are.


I just had that estate agent in, $420k - $460k
So for once she is not lying.



> Yes I want to sell the house asap.


Thats nice



> So please remove the items that you want to keep and advise me when you have done that.


I will organize storage and move everything I want into storage when I am ready, and wont be advising her.



> I made the decision to move the kids and I out of the house to remove your ability to cause problems with the place in which we live whether that be via FB or other means.


In 2 years or whatever it is, I have sent her 2 FB messages, I post messages on my sons FB pages, nothing nasty or anything like that, she also cracked it when I posted to a mutual friend (more her friend than mine) and that friend replied.

So why do I still have strong feelings for her ?


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

sometimes the feeling of love is more powerful than the relationship...so we hold onto the love even though even though the relationship isn't healthy...

but love gives us hope (and misery) that it will always get better...

just my thoughts...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> sometimes the feeling of love is more powerful than the relationship...so we hold onto the love even though even though the relationship isn't healthy...
> 
> but love gives us hope (and misery) that it will always get better...
> 
> just my thoughts...


you are most likely right


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

That is why they say - Love is a mysterious thing...

Sucks crank...obviously it's all nonsense with your W. ...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> That is why they say - Love is a mysterious thing...
> 
> Sucks crank...obviously it's all nonsense with your W. ...


Hiya Vivea,

what gets me is she left things like a perfectly good kettle & toaster here for me, in the box from the new ones she bought, cheap kettle, cheap toaster, the ones she left were not cheap. And the amount of sheets, towels, washing machine, it is like she was not after my head on a stake. Then she gets all cold hearted bit*h mode, "we will sell when I say we will sell"

I don't mind telling you that my mood went down like a lead balloon.

I just got back from my sisters place, she cooked me a roast lamb with all the trimmings, and an extra plateful for tomorrow night.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> Hiya Vivea,
> 
> what gets me is she left things like a perfectly good kettle & toaster here for me, in the box from the new ones she bought, cheap kettle, cheap toaster, the ones she left were not cheap. And the amount of sheets, towels, washing machine, it is like she was not after my head on a stake. Then she gets all cold hearted bit*h mode, "we will sell when I say we will sell"


She's torn. She can't quite walk away, either physically (that's why the stuff is there) or emotionally. She wants to make the break in her head..tells herself she should. But she can't. She still loves you and probably hates herself for it. It's a constant battle. That's why she's so nasty at times. She's compensating and trying to convince herself that she doesn't love you anymore because it'll hurt less. 

Well, that's my theory. Probably worth what you paid for it.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...is there a way you could ask to see her just for 10 min.Tell her it'll be all friendly talk ,there are a few things you would like to tell her in person...etc...make it really friendly.
Than if she agrees ,ask her how she is doing and than you can probably jump to ask her Q about the stuff ....and other things but it has to be very calm and nice conversation no matter how she speaks to you.
That is the only way may be you can get some answers for you...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> She's torn. She can't quite walk away, either physically (that's why the stuff is there) or emotionally. She wants to make the break in her head..tells herself she should. But she can't. She still loves you and probably hates herself for it. It's a constant battle. That's why she's so nasty at times. She's compensating and trying to convince herself that she doesn't love you anymore because it'll hurt less.
> 
> Well, that's my theory. Probably worth what you paid for it.


no, I actually agree, I have said for a while that it is her mother, not my W.

I sent email asking about a wall unit that was her grandmothers, and some plants that were also her grandmothers, both of which she had great attachment to. The reply (received within hours!)

"Just take whatever furniture and other items that you want/need. I do not need anything further from the house. I will come back with Dad or (brother) and pick up my plants once you are done."

I can just see her with a tear or 2 rolling down her cheeks when she wrote that.
The wall unit is quite large & heavy, it is probably tearing her up that she hasn't got it, and the plants were most likely forgotten in the rush to move.

She did take a 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle that we did years & years ago, everytime she looks at it she will be reminded of 'us' in much better times

I will leave them, and a few other things, at the house once I am done. I see the reply as an 'open cheque' to take whatever I want (so freezer, washing machine etc. are mine)

Another email I sent saying I didn't understand why she moved, she replied:

"I made the decision to move the kids and I out of the house to remove your ability to cause problems with the place in which we live whether that be via FB or other means."

Thats not the W I know saying that, if I wanted to cause problems I certainly could have. She has told me where she lives, has yet to give me the phone number, so I am sure I could, if I wanted, to still cause problems. I notice she wrote ' place which we will live' rather than 'new home'. No, it was not her decision.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...is there a way you could ask to see her just for 10 min.Tell her it'll be all friendly talk ,there are a few things you would like to tell her in person...etc...make it really friendly.
> Than if she agrees ,ask her how she is doing and than you can probably jump to ask her Q about the stuff ....and other things but it has to be very calm and nice conversation no matter how she speaks to you.
> That is the only way may be you can get some answers for you...


No, not at this stage, as soon as she hears my voice she goes into 'anger mode' I tend to agree with what Freak said about love, torn etc.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> No, not at this stage, as soon as she hears my voice she goes into 'anger mode' I tend to agree with what Freak said about love, torn etc.


That's how it seems with my H too  some how he see's this as my fault, justifying his own actions. I reckon.he still loves me, why isn't he doing anything about it? No idea, single life is more fun, than a family, an ugly wife when he can go out on the pull have a different girl every night if he wanted.. why would he come home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

She's not living in the house because it's too painful. She wants a clean break..to start over. I know exactly where she is coming from. 

Staying in my old house would've been the same for me. I didn't want that. Moving into this apartment and starting fresh was a HUGE positive step for both me and my kids, especially my daughter. 

She's looking to establish her independence and put some distance between you. I wouldn't see her face to face because that would threaten and undermine what she's trying to accomplish. I'd do the opposite and have as little contact as possible. 

She needs her space and you need yours, otherwise you are just engaging in an emotional battle that tears both of you apart.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> She's not living in the house because it's too painful. She wants a clean break..to start over. I know exactly where she is coming from.
> 
> Staying in my old house would've been the same for me. I didn't want that. Moving into this apartment and starting fresh was a HUGE positive step for both me and my kids, especially my daughter.
> 
> ...


I understand what you are saying, but it is still very difficult for me. From my point of view I want us back together as we once were, I know that can never happen, if we somehow did get back together there has been too much happen for it to be the same.

But right now I just want to be able to contact my boys, to see them, and to speak with them.

Not being able to see or speak with my kids is a view none of you lovely people can understand as you have your kids with you. It is now almost 2 weeks since I have spoken to them, I have left FB messages for them, but it is beginning to look like W has stopped them from using FB.

Right now the tears are steaming down my face, almost every time I speak about, or write about not being able to see my kids I break down in tears, right now I am alone at the house, I have things to do, make the place look like people live here rather than a derelict building,

What I would like to know is how can you hope to get back together with your partner if there is to be no contact, and they are thinking the same, who makes the first move if both do want to get back together ?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*More amazed than before !!!*

Just setting the house up as a home, and I come across a box in the cupboard in the main bedroom, open said box and there are some adult videos, and photos of my W, taken 18 years or so ago, nude & posing.

Now, can anyone shed some light as to why she would have left them here, unless to show me what I am missing ? (I put them back in the box and sealed it up)

edit:
Just dismantling the home entertainment setup, she has gone to the trouble of gathering up the user manuals, and putting them into a folder. Now I know they were in a filing cabinet, but they weren't neatly in a folder.

She seems to have done just about everything she could to make things easier for me (other than the fact that she made the decision to break up the marriage and move and make it very very hard to see my kids!)


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

crank..the mystery continues ...really weird with the pictures...

I have to go back to your posts tomorrow and read what exactly had happened between you two,i don't seem to remember the main problem...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

2 things in the last 1/2 hr.

1) started cleaning out the bedroom cupboard, going thru the storage containers, in one was my loved chess set and my acurbra hat, they certainly were not there when I was 'asked' to leave.
She has gone to a lot of trouble packing *my* stuff away safely & neatly !

2) Dan just did a fun quiz on FB, Crankshaw is Awesome, bought a few tears to my eyes ! 1st time in a week or so he has been on FB, I am guessing they are down at W parents place 

And what I have just relised, not only did she gather all the user manuals, she put the manuals with the appliance, washing machine manual with the washing machine, I just discovered the microwave manual with the microwave, she has gone to a lot of trouble, she could have just taken them all, or thrown them out with other rubbish
More confused than ever !


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Just been going thru the photo albums, she has left some pics of herself that I took, and some pics of the both of us, she must have spent hours & hours rediong all the albums, all the pics are nice and neatly placed

then there are the (very very expensive) Japanese embroideries, all neatly stacked safely in the wardrobe, towels between them so they don't get damaged.

Next I had a look thru the draws of her wall unit.
We had 4 pair of 3D glasses, she has left one pair for me, thats the W I know, the W that once loved me as I love her.

I don't really care what anyone says, this all shows me that she doesn't hate my guts.

I have tears running down my cheeks again, and no damn tissues  and they are not tears of sadness.

I so much want to call her (or email her) and thank her for all the hard work she has done with thinking of me while she was in the middle of packing up the house for her move, but I wont


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...i tried looking back at your posts couldn't find anything about you two.Why did she leave you ...if you don't mind sharing?
Sorry if I've missed a post where you explain it all...can't seem to find it.
It seem like she cares,you're right she doesn't hate your guts .


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...i tried looking back at your posts couldn't find anything about you two.Why did she leave you ...if you don't mind sharing?
> Sorry if I've missed a post where you explain it all...can't seem to find it.
> It seem like she cares,you're right she doesn't hate your guts .


because I am not the person I was ?
She didn't give a solid reason. Love you but not in love with you ?
Nothing like 'you were having an affair' or anything like that.
Thats part of the problem I have, no solid reason.
No, I do not believe she was /is having an affair (other than EA with her mother!)


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

so pretty much like what my H. told me....ughhh...what is wrong with these people ...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> so pretty much like what my H. told me....ughhh...what is wrong with these people ...


let me know when you find out


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

well, 2 good days (Sat & Sun) and today is a complete failure 

I having only been back in the house 5 days, and I just want the drama to finish. 
At the moment, I hate being here by myself, and I loved this house, we put so much time & effort into renovating this place, only had one room to do, but every where I look I see sign of the W, even had a few fleeting thought of just grabbing a few things then burning it to the ground, just to see if that might help the hurt.

Spent part of the day job hunting, been a waste of time so far, which means no hope of renting close to my kids, and it is almost 2 weeks since I have seen or spoken to them 

I'm pretty much done with the whole thing, I was hoping to be able to hold out here till the place sold, but I really don't know if I can


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

really needs to talk to someone right now, but the one person I really want to talk to is the one person I cant


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> really needs to talk to someone right now, but the one person I really want to talk to is the one person I cant


Exactly how I feel right now xx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Exactly how I feel right now xx


emotions (sort of) back under control 1/2 hr or so after a seroquel.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank..sorry for the way you feel about the house,it sucks ,you were so excited. 
Just do what is right for you,let go of things that make you sad and depressed.Just think of your kids and be happy that they are healthy ...the other material things are just that...things...that sometimes bring back good memories but sometimes are bringing a lot of pain and when that happens just run...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank..sorry for the way you feel about the house,it sucks ,you were so excited.


I am OK right now, had about 6hrs total sleep last night (broken as per usual, but sleep still).
Not giving up, actually had a (for me) big win yesterday evening. I have been battling to keep my mobile phone number, it was under my FIL name, the phone was to be his, but I have had it for 12 years now. After 6 weeks it is finally under my name, and she can't stop me from having it now. Yeah, sounds like a small thing, but after some of the email from her about how 'they' are not happy that I have it, and how as soon as the current credit is used it will be canceled, there is not a thing they can do about it now, I get to keep my number !!!

6th of Feb:
I have changed it so the bill comes to your hotmail email account (it may already be there), you will need to log in using the above and pay it. You will need to get yourself another sim card as *we* are not happy for you to continue using this one. As a courtesy *we* are giving you to the end of the week.

7tf Feb
Because of the changes you have made to Dads mobile phone account, what you want to do cannot be done, nor can your changes be reversed. Dad has spent quite some time out of his very busy day trying to sort it all out. It is not possible. Therefore, once the credit you currently have on the account runs out it will be cancelled. Dad has taken back control of his account online until this time.

Guess what, it can be done or undone (by me) at any time I choose, and not a bloody thing you or your mum can do about it now. It has been a battle, had me in tears a few times. but it is now done.
An account balance inquiry is not making changes...



> Just do what is right for you,let go of things that make you sad and depressed.Just think of your kids and be happy that they are healthy ...the other material things are just that...things...that sometimes bring back good memories but sometimes are bringing a lot of pain and when that happens just run...


Thinking of the kids is what got me so screwed up yesterday, I have had 1 win, I am sure I will have more. Start doing some repair to walls (that were damaged when W moved) today, and some painting today, that should keep me occupied for a while at least. I am sleeping in my sons old room, can't sleep in the master bedroom, but it is a step up, the 1st few nights I slept in the lounge on the floor (on a mattress).
I know I will have some bad days, but I will also have good days, I just hope the good are more often than the bad !

And waiting for a letter from her solicitor now.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Exactly how I feel right now xx


and not likely to be available for talking to for quite some time, if ever.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

use to love being here, love having my family here, love fixing the place up with my wife.
pretty much hate this house now, hates being here, hates being alone here, hates fixing it up to sell.
But the place has to sell, so I have to do some more work on it to get the best possible price

Walls fixed enough to paint, a rough job for sure, no interest in doing the job right, I wont have to fix it later. So now I wait for the filler to dry, Dr appointment in 1/2 hr, so it will be after that.


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

One step at a time. Just keep busy and it will pass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Powerbane said:


> One step at a time. Just keep busy and it will pass.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yeah, trying to keep busy as best I can, problem is, this is something W & I would be doing together.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mistake number 74:

Looking through photo albums, especially by yourself.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> mistake number 74:
> 
> Looking through photo albums, especially by yourself.




Nooooooooooo why would you do that to yourself?! *hugs tight*


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah ,that's a very painful thing to do  ...(((hugs)))


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Yeah ,that's a very painful thing to do  ...(((hugs)))


had me in tears, mostly happiness tears though !


----------



## turtle10 (Dec 2, 2010)

i think u need to take 'her' 'she' out of your statments and thoughts...try it for even 3 days. focus on YOU, ME. u cant fix or help urself when all ur attention is on what she wants, how she feels, etc. she will do what she will do no matter your actions...so u might as well be the best u YOU can be and 'then' if she is still the loving woman u once knew...u can go from there. I read Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley and it has saved my life, outlook and future. all the best to you.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Point taken and understood turtle10.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Nooooooooooo why would you do that to yourself?! *hugs tight*


act of stupidity?
Self torture ?
no, most of the pics bought back nothing but happy memories, no hurt.


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Happy memories - that's good. Hope today is going well.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Happy memories - that's good. Hope today is going well.


yeah, pretty good, bit hard getting the motivation going though. fixing & painting the kitchen is next on the list, just finished doing the lounge / dining rooms. Pretty tired now though


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Thats good, will keep you occupied. I painted my kitchen too. Looks good & made me happy. Plus little guy broke his arm - happened on husbands watch thankfully (and scared the crap outta him). 

See you on FB!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Thats good, will keep you occupied. I painted my kitchen too. Looks good & made me happy. Plus little guy broke his arm - happened on husbands watch thankfully (and scared the crap outta him).


Ouch, hope he is OK...



> See you on FB!!


that you will, that you will.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*update*

Just got an email from my solicitor.
W has been to a solicitor, and is willing to attend mediation, but wants it to be a mediation centre of her choice, she has nominated (well, her solicitor has) a place.

One other thing, her 'real solicitors' spelt her name wrong, and messed up my full name as well.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Thats good, will keep you occupied. I painted my kitchen too. Looks good & made me happy. Plus little guy broke his arm - happened on husbands watch thankfully (and scared the crap outta him).
> 
> See you on FB!!


Oooh pick me, pick me, I am on Facebook too!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Oooh pick me, pick me, I am on Facebook too!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*whatever.*

So, I cried my eyes out this morning, FB to a good friend, felt a bit better after than.

Got a little motivated and made a start on painting the kitchen walls. The kitchen was the next room we had planned on renovating 
So now I am waiting for the first coat of paint to dry, then move fridge cupboards and paint the 4th wall.

Just waiting for my sister to come over, that will be very nice, my sister is a lovely person.


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Good. Hope you're a neater painter than I (splashes everywhere...!)


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

I'm a great painter,in our last house I painted alone the baby room,our bedroom and my oldest room....love it...so much work but love it . 

Crank awesome that you have your sister,as you know i have my brother...i'm so thankful to my parents for my wonderful brother...and his wonderful family..it makes a world of a difference to have support from a sibling.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Good. Hope you're a neater painter than I (splashes everywhere...!)


I am neat 



vivea said:


> I'm a great painter,in our last house I painted alone the baby room,our bedroom and my oldest room....love it...so much work but love it .


I usualy didn't mind, not so much at the moment though.



> Crank awesome that you have your sister,as you know i have my brother...i'm so thankful to my parents for my wonderful brother...and his wonderful family..it makes a world of a difference to have support from a sibling.


Pam is here now, going through kitchen cupboards, getting rid of excess, cleaning, supporting.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*more than one week !*

Well, Pam was fantastic, after going thru cupboards, clearing out excess, cleaning blah blah blah, she cleaned 90% of the kitchen ceiling, I had forgotten I painted it light blue 12 years ago (it was rather brownish until today!)

I painted walls in the kitchen & hallway, should get them finished tomorrow all going well. All in all, the day has been pretty good for me !


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

awesome crank....i love when the day is good for you....looove it 
it's midnight here and I'm off to bed
ohhh God i just remembered he'll call me in the morning...every time i talk to him now i expect him to say "naaaaah i changed my mind,don't want you" i'm so messed up now


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> awesome crank....i love when the day is good for you....looove it


My sister is pretty awesome to be with, always so bright & bubly (she use to be a bit*h* 



> it's midnight here and I'm off to bed
> ohhh God i just remembered he'll call me in the morning...every time i talk to him now i expect him to say "naaaaah i changed my mind,don't want you" i'm so messed up now


you will be fine, have a good sleep xx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

had a FB message from Dan, 

mis u heaps dan xxoo 

enough to bring a few tears to my eyes


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> had a FB message from Dan,
> 
> mis u heaps dan xxoo
> 
> enough to bring a few tears to my eyes


Ooooh there is nothing nicer is there!? *hugs tight* your little boy loves you, that's enough to keep you smiling xxx


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Dan is your boy ?!

Of course he misses you...you wife deserves :BoomSmilie_anim:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Ooooh there is nothing nicer is there!? *hugs tight* your little boy loves you, that's enough to keep you smiling xxx


no so little, 12 years old now 



vivea said:


> Dan is your boy ?!
> Of course he misses you...you wife deserves :BoomSmilie_anim:


yes, at times she does !


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> no so little, 12 years old now


I am 30 and I am still my Mum's little girl so shhh!  xx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

sent sms saying I want to see the kids this weekend, long story short, no I can't have them for a day unless I have some one else with me.
So it is now almost 3 weeks since I have been able to see or speak to my boys.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> sent sms saying I want to see the kids this weekend, long story short, no I can't have them for a day unless I have some one else with me.
> So it is now almost 3 weeks since I have been able to see or speak to my boys.


Can't Pam be with you? x


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Can't Pam be with you? x


have't asked her as yet.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Do what you can do to see the kids...!!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> Do what you can do to see the kids...!!!


trying, sent her an sms saying Pam was happy for us to go to her place, no reply as yet.

Sent the sms exchange to my solicitor, csv format with date & times for each sent / received message.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

sms exchange:

m 'I want to spend some time with Dan & Justin this weekend'

h When? Will there be anyone else with you? Where would you be taking them?

m 'where ever the boys want to go'

h That is not an answer to my questions

m 'Probably to Healesville if the boys want.

h Will anyone else be with you?

m probably not, why ?

h Because with your current state of health I am not confident sending them off with you on some unplanned, unsupervised jaunt to God knows where

m Jo just asked if we wanted 2 go there saturday arvo, stay overnight, return sunday b4 tea

h It is very nice of Jo to offer, but that is not going to work. Firstly because Dan is going on camp Monday & i dont want him tired before he even leaves. 2nd because we have plans 4 Saturday nite. 3rd because i'm not happy with you driving them all that way when u r still not sleeping properly & probably still taking medication.
(who has been stalking me on facebook, slip up for her  (saturday night is most likely down to her mums place?)

m Then sunday doing what the boys want

h Organise someone to accompany you & I will speak to the boys tonight. I do not want them taken back to (the house) either. We all worked hard to get them out of there without the whole emotional thing. I do not want them put thru it now. 

m Just spoke to my sister, she is happy for us to go over there

m ( 1 1/2 hrs later) Well ?

h Well what? I told you I will speak to the boys tonight!

m So i have ur ok 2 see my sons on sunday ?

h I will speak to the boys tonight at some stage & we will let you know. Now stop bloody hassling me!

end of sms exchange, think she is feeling she is losing 'control' terms & conditions, hoops she demands I jump through.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

OMG crank...she's been overprotective for obvious reason..she wants to hurt you...ahhhh..so horrible...The kids are not toddlers..what does she think you'll do with them...you're their father...OMG
She'll ask the boys tonight...WTF?...i''m sure she knows that they won't say no...she just wants to prolong the torture ...
so sorry crank...hope she says OK..i really really hope so


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> OMG crank...she's been overprotective for obvious reason..she wants to hurt you...ahhhh..so horrible...The kids are not toddlers..what does she think you'll do with them...you're their father...OMG
> She'll ask the boys tonight...WTF?...i''m sure she knows that they won't say no...she just wants to prolong the torture ...
> so sorry crank...hope she says OK..i really really hope so


She is trying use my 'breakdown' as control, no, they wont say no, unless she offers them a really good day, ie: we can go do luna park (fun park) or you can see your dad, might be a bit of a toss up 
She doesn't think I will harm them in anyway, she is just doing the act of a concerned mother.
She actually has no understanding of depression, or maybe she does and is trying to get me deeper into depression.
She avoids answering question, but hates it when some one does it to her 

If she doesn't give the OK, I will go spend the weekend with my daughter (200k away)


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Damn, that woman is freakin' evil. 

I hope your lawyer tears her a new one.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Damn, that woman is freakin' evil.
> 
> I hope your lawyer tears her a new one.


she is being guided by her mother I believe, she isin't evil, she is scared, abandoned, stressed etc etc etc, and I am an easy target for her. She hates how I am in the house, and she is obviously checking my FB page (ie: lack of sleep, but no mention of meds on my FB page)

Nah, I just want what is fair, I am not a vindictive person, and normally she isin't either. She just needs to speak to someone beside her mother


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Keeping the kids away from you for no good reason except to be vindictive is evil. That's my take on it. 

My husband is an alcoholic and I allow him to see my son. Some may question that and in certain cases it would be crazy but my husband, even when he's intoxicated, isn't violent and he's quite functional and he loves our son very, very much. They need each other. It would be cruel to keep them apart. 

I just can't see why she's doing this to you or the boys.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Keeping the kids away from you for no good reason except to be vindictive is evil. That's my take on it.
> I just can't see why she's doing this to you or the boys.


I actually believe that she is scared, coz of what I did a couple of months back. And she hasn't dealt with that. She need help, but she will just confide in her mother instead.

I am certainly not the same person I was a month or two ago, different outlook, still miss the kids & her, still love the kids, and her. I was certainly not a flirting type of person for example 

Not that she is not letting me see the kids, but so many hoops she wants me to jump through to see them, or speak to them. I leave them a FB message most days, just 'how are you, how was whatever, miss you, love you'


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*sms saga continues*

h : Kids are happy to go to Pams on Sunday. I will take them there directly so I will need the address
(carefully worded, not happy to see me, happy to go to Pams 
(she will have to drive almost right past my front door)

m ?

h Which part are you not understanding? Thought I was pretty clear.

m Whatever, see email

Conclusion, she is trying to bully to get back control. hence the 'whatever' reply
she had better not go to the front door or Pam is likely let her have it with both barrels !

At least I get to spend the day with my kids.

Oh, and 1 more condescending remark from her and I will be laying out some boundaries.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

my reply to her latest email:
Her attempt at not including me 
She is doing her best to diminish my control.
---

goodo, I am sure the boys and I will have a terrific day,

> Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2011 19:50:58 +1100
> Subject: Re: Sunday
> From: [email protected]????.???
> To: [email protected]
>
> I will pick them up at about 4pm unless Pam would like them collected earlier.
>
> On 3/4/11, Crankshaw . wrote:
> >
> > About 10:30 is suitable for Pam for the boys to be dropped >>off
> > What time will you be picking them up ?
> > thanks
> >
> >


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

How old are your boys? Doesn't your wife want some free time away from them? :scratchhead:

I know I enjoy the time I have alone and/or with my daughter when my son is over at my husband's house. It's not that he requires that much care at age 13 but it's a nice change in the environment. My daughter and I "chill out" very nicely in our nest here. 

It's also good for my son because he and his father share a lot of common bonds and interests (computer gaming, action movies, military history). It gives my son some "man time" and I think that's important for a teenage boy. 

I think it's beneficial for my husband too. Gives him something to look forward to and live for. Maybe it will eventually wake him up and get him thinking about getting sober because he does have something to live for. If he keeps drinking like he is his liver will be toast soon...

My son and I have a good relationship but it's different. We did watch _Star Trek: The Motion Picture_ last night and we share a common sense of humor. Plus, we both play World of Warcraft. Tonight before I drop my son off at my husband's I'm taking him to the Olive Garden restaurant for dinner. He loves that place. 

I hope you have a great time with your kids. I think you have legal rights to have certain visitation times with your boys. You need to have your lawyer look into that and don't let her walk all over you. OK, understandable about her being concerned about what happened at one time but you've never attempted to harm the boys and you've been on medication and therapy, correct? That goes a long way and shows that that you are making a real attempt to fix yourself and become healthy again. Believe me, that gives you real credibility in front of a judge. 

You post on FB. Can you actually call them? My son is always allowed to pick up the phone and call his father. I encourage it. When he was concerned about his computer and wants to bring it over to his father's house I said "You call him and make the arrangements." I told him to ask if his father if the time I'm dropping off is good. They need and will have a separate relationship regardless of what happens with our marriage. They should. It takes me out of the loop and gives my son a tie to his father and makes my husband remember that he HAS a child to love and care for. 

I think you've come a long way. I don't think you would have been "flirting" a month ago, even if it's just online (or is it?  ) IMO, it shows that you are healing and clawing your way back. It's not easy at all.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> How old are your boys?


10 & 12



> Doesn't your wife want some free time away from them? :scratchhead:


well, they are both at school, and she works from home 3 days a week, so she has time away from them.
I would have thought, considering what she has said in the past, she would be happy to not have them with her some evenings, be that during the week or weekend.



> I hope you have a great time with your kids. I think you have legal rights to have certain visitation times with your boys. You need to have your lawyer look into that and don't let her walk all over you.


We will have a great time. Yes, legally I do have rights, that is a process that is going on now, but untill that process is done...



> OK, understandable about her being concerned about what happened at one time but you've never attempted to harm the boys and you've been on medication and therapy, correct?


Correct, the only real issue is the lack of solid sleep, I have had about 5 hrs so far in 2 blocks, it is 1:35 am and I am wide awake, I shall go back to bed soon and see if I can get some more sleep.



> You post on FB. Can you actually call them? My son is always allowed to pick up the phone and call his father.


She only has a mobile phone, I haven't tried for the last week as previous to that she didn't answer when she saw the number.



> I encourage it.


She doesn't, the boys have to ask to be able to use her phone 



> I think you've come a long way. I don't think you would have been "flirting" a month ago, even if it's just online (or is it?  )


Far to shy in real life sweety 
No, only online, far to early in the seperation to be thinking about it in real life !



> IMO, it shows that you are healing and clawing your way back. It's not easy at all.


"I use to be happy, confident, strong, had plans for the future, laid the foundations for getting there.

Now am fighting to get back to who I was, not what I have become."


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

so it's a success ...you'll see them on Sunday 
Awesome crank,so happy for you. :smthumbup:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> so it's a success ...you'll see them on Sunday
> Awesome crank,so happy for you. :smthumbup:


thanks vivea


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

another thought I just had (dangerous, I know, thinking, bad move) is perhaps she is trying to create conflict to either make herself feel less guilty about her actions, to try and justify herself if I bite, or 'fitness testing' me, only she knows I guess 
Either way, this boy ain't biting 
(too much painting to do anyway!)


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> another thought I just had (dangerous, I know, thinking, bad move) is perhaps she is trying to create conflict to either make herself feel less guilty about her actions, to try and justify herself if I bite, or 'fitness testing' me, only she knows I guess
> Either way, this boy ain't biting
> (too much painting to do anyway!)


Go you! Am proud of ya :smthumbup:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Go you! Am proud of ya :smthumbup:


thanks Babyheart, that means a lot


----------



## feylovelyheart (Jun 13, 2009)

Been up all night reading your post. *yawn*  So how is it now Crank? Did the plan go smoothly? ray: Man...you get through tough time...cant believe that it is actually happen to you. *Big Hug* It really makes me to think deeper about what I am going to do with my marriage. I just wish there won't be anymore drama than already are.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

My day with my boys went well, W came to the door to pick them up and waves of emotion just swept over me, I wanted to hug her and tell her how I felt, but I didn't 

I have told the boys I love them and their mother and they mean the world to me, they told me they love me, and miss me more than anything.

feylovelyheart, went pretty good, boys & I finished the day playing 'air hockey' was only when their mum picked them up did I get emotional to the point of shedding tears, the drive back home (empty house) was a little difficult as well, just about to cook some meat & vegies for tea now.


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Glad to hear you had a lovely day. Thoughts with ya, no huggy emoticon to put in...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Glad to hear you had a lovely day. Thoughts with ya, no huggy emoticon to put in...


thanks BH


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*Letter to my W (not sent!)*



> Hi Tanya,
> how did you do it, how did you just pack up your stuff, our stuff, the boys stuff and just move out and on so methodically (without emotions?)
> 
> Everywhere I look, and I mean everywhere, I see reminders of us, how we worked together to get this place how you and I wanted it.
> ...


no, not sent, never will be either.
180 as best I can.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

You have the same problem I do. You WANT to 180 but having contact just stinks because you are angry and resentful at what you are being put through so it's hard to remain impassive and emotionless. . So the way to solve it is to avoid that person but for whatever reason, you can't. The kids, the mutual property, etc, etc. 

So you have these entanglements which makes life difficult. To able to just walk away and be free...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> You have the same problem I do. You WANT to 180 but having contact just stinks because you are angry and resentful at what you are being put through so it's hard to remain impassive and emotionless. . So the way to solve it is to avoid that person but for whatever reason, you can't. The kids, the mutual property, etc, etc.
> 
> So you have these entanglements which makes life difficult. To able to just walk away and be free...


You are correct except I am not angry, I wish I could be, it would be easier to deal with


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well, I'm angry enough for both of us.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well, I'm angry enough for both of us.


ok, that works for me, and I am sad enough for both of us, so I guess it evens out somewhere. :scratchhead:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*????*

well, thats one for the book, W online on FB and visible, wonder why she changed her chat status, most unlike her, especialy as she would know I am also online.

I can't remember, in a couple of years, that I have ever seen her vixible on FB


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Crankshaw - just keep on keeping on with your self development. 

I'm sure the boys are going to devil their mother because they miss you - everytime they have to go back to her. 

Keep on the straight and narrow - get your counseling. You might even want to write an apology letter to your wife at some point asking her to forgive you for trying to off yourself. 

I know you were probably deep in the pit of despair. Don't worry - we're here - others are here for you too. We'll throw you the end of the rope to crawl out. 

Wishing you lots of hope and prayers coming your way. 

BTW - beautiful land you live in. I was stationed @ Woomera, S.A. in the mid-80's. I darn near did not come back. I fell in love with the Outback.

Not sure where you are in that Big Country - it's all beautiful.

Hang in there!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Powerbane said:


> Crankshaw - just keep on keeping on with your self development.


yep, trying to do that, have some 'down' times' every now and then, still, early days I guess.



> I'm sure the boys are going to devil their mother because they miss you - everytime they have to go back to her.






> Keep on the straight and narrow - get your counseling. You might even want to write an apology letter to your wife at some point asking her to forgive you for trying to off yourself.


already written & sent the letter, she didn't reply or anything like that.



> I know you were probably deep in the pit of despair. Don't worry - we're here - others are here for you too. We'll throw you the end of the rope to crawl out.


this forum has been better for me than any of the counseling I think, it is here 24/7 and the people here are going through, or have gone though, the same type of things I have, they have a better understanding IMO



> Wishing you lots of hope and prayers coming your way.


The W seems to be dragging things out a bit, wish she would get her act together 



> BTW - beautiful land you live in. I was stationed @ Woomera, S.A. in the mid-80's. I darn near did not come back. I fell in love with the Outback.
> 
> Not sure where you are in that Big Country - it's all beautiful.
> 
> Hang in there!


I am in Victoria, east of the city, yeah, it is not a bad place to spend your time


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

crank...so happy to you got to see your boys. 
Your W. is nowhere moving on either,that much anger is not going to help her move on...i'm sure you're in her thoughts every day too.

Gosh i wish she would at least agree to talk to you,just a normal adult conversation for God's sake.


----------



## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Hey Crank, 
I've just read your story.. so good that you finally got to see your kids. No parent should ever use their kids in a situation like this to hurt someone  
My husband and I are having the kids week on week off, been separated for almost 2 months. So far it seems to be going ok..
I am in Aus too! 
Hope you are having a good day


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> crank...so happy to you got to see your boys.


we didn't a whole lot, had junk food for lunch, wandered around a few toy shops, icereams on the way back to my sisters (Pam took drove us there & back, kids loved the car, an audi s3) bit of a swim when we got back, and a game or 3 of air hockey.



> Your W. is nowhere moving on either,that much anger is not going to help her move on...i'm sure you're in her thoughts every day too.


I'm sure you are right.



> Gosh i wish she would at least agree to talk to you,just a normal adult conversation for God's sake.


well, she has been visible for chat on FB for most of the day, but I am not going to initiate a chat session, she made the move to be visible, if she wants a chat she can start.



SadAngel said:


> Hey Crank,
> I've just read your story.. so good that you finally got to see your kids. No parent should ever use their kids in a situation like this to hurt someone


Went though this 20 years ago, 2nd W always said she would never do that, guess she didn't quite tell the truth.



> My husband and I are having the kids week on week off, been separated for almost 2 months. So far it seems to be going ok..


would be nice, but my type of work means I would rarely be around to get the kids to school, or be around when they got home from school.



> I am in Aus too!


yeah ! good to hear from a fellow aussie, where about are you ?



> Hope you are having a good day


started out not so good, got a bit worse, then picked up a heck of a lot (and I got a FB hug from a female friend, made my day


----------



## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> we didn't a whole lot, had junk food for lunch, wandered around a few toy shops, icereams on the way back to my sisters (Pam took drove us there & back, kids loved the car, an audi s3) bit of a swim when we got back, and a game or 3 of air hockey.
> 
> 
> I'm sure you are right.
> ...


Well its always a good thing when your day gets better not worse 
I am in Northern NSW.. nice part of the country to be in!
What sort of work do you do?
And I cant believe that you have been through something similar before... geez that would be something you wouldnt expect to go through again


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> Well its always a good thing when your day gets better not worse


thats for sure !



> I am in Northern NSW.. nice part of the country to be in!


bit damp up that way ?



> What sort of work do you do?


Drive trucks



> And I cant believe that you have been through something similar before... geez that would be something you wouldnt expect to go through again


way worse this time around !!


----------



## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Yep it has been pretty wet up this way for the last few months, strange weather, yesterday I was wearing a jumper and trackies, the week before that it was 38 degrees!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> Yep it has been pretty wet up this way for the last few months, strange weather, yesterday I was wearing a jumper and trackies, the week before that it was 38 degrees!


brilliant day here today, about 27c I think, has been not so good before that, I think it is supposed to wet later in the week as well.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

day just gets better & better, some lady chatting me up on a dating sight  nice ego boost


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*moving on*

I am moving on, getting over a broken heart but not ready to do it all over again.I love the ideals of marriage and what the whole togetherness is all about.I need a person who actually wants to talk with me at the end of a days work.I need to have 'dates' and go to BBQs' with friends and not be the only single person there. A partner who will not give up during any bad times, and will celebrate the good times.

Its that simple and I can only sit back and wait, but not give up!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

crank lo-o-ove your new attitude....I just LOVE it.
3 might be your lucky charm 
hugs


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> crank lo-o-ove your new attitude....I just LOVE it.
> 3 might be your lucky charm
> hugs


ohhh gaaawwwdddd, 3, can't see that at this stage, the heart is still shattered, the tears still come, just need Tanya to get a move on and get this selling of the house & access to my boys wound up before I can really move on, just trying to at the moment.

Going to look at a bungalow later, bit of a dump, but reasonably cheap and not too far from my boys (walking distance) and more important, out of this house (it is no longer a home !)

thanks for the hugs, maybe soon I will get them from some one nice in person


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Starting fresh is a good idea. :smthumbup: I know that moving out of my old house, the one I shared with my husband for 20 years, was a great move. My daughter really pushed me to do this, saying "it's time to start fresh" and once I did it I realized how much she was right. 

I LOVE my new place. One big reason is because it's MINE. I got it myself, I decorated it myself (with some help from my daughter) and it's my sanctuary. One day I'll go to someplace smaller (because it'll cost less and when the kids are gone I won't need a 2BR townhouse) and that place will be MINE too. 

I think you need to purge yourself in the same way. Some people do stay in the family home, out of choice or necessity but I'm convinced it's better to get out. Everyone I know that stayed in the home they shared with the estranged spouse took MUCH longer to recover. 

Crank, I hear ya on wanting to find someone to come home to. I don't agree with you. The LAST thing I want is someone else to bother me and dictate to me. If/when I ever date again and some guy says "Let's move in together" I'll shoot that down fast. Not going to happen. 

Come on over..we'll talk, cuddle, make love and have fun but keep your toothbrush at home.  I definitely see myself wanting to get close to someone but not THAT close. I'll always want to maintain my own individuality, my own space. I think a lot of men would find that very attractive, especially as one gets older. 

So I guess you aren't looking to hook up with a gal like me? Or maybe you are but not seriously, eh?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> So I guess you aren't looking to hook up with a gal like me? Or maybe you are but not seriously, eh?


actually, right now that sounds very appealing 

a place I have my eye on, long way from my boys though 

http://www.domain.com.au/Property/For-Sale/House/VIC/Bendigo/?adid=2008845002

Strip it out room by room and renovate the whole lot. Sell it for at twice what I might pay after 12 months


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Wow, $91,000? I'm assuming the dollar is different down under but here that won't buy you an outhouse. In other parts of the country it does. 

Cute place and perfect for a single guy. Looks like fixing it up would keep you busy but not drive you crazy. 

Well, I always wanted to go walkabout. Maybe I'll book a flight on Quantas. Throw a shrimp on the barbie and break out the Fosters mate? :toast: :smthumbup:

My kids won't miss me. "I'm going to Australia for a month..call me if you need me!" :rofl:

That would be so cool! 

You'd have to be a high energy sort to hang with me. One thing that drives my husband crazy is that I do have to do do do... go, go, go! He seemed to LIKE that about me once but now he says it's irritating. It's one of the ways we are growing apart. Maybe it would've happened eventually on it's own because he was starting to say that going out all the time was more like work for him than fun even before our marriage came apart. 

I've always been like this and I'm not changing now. I'm a hyper, energetic person. So if you are the type that wants to sit home and watch TV on a Saturday night then don't apply to roll with the Freak.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Wow, $91,000? I'm assuming the dollar is different down under but here that won't buy you an outhouse. In other parts of the country it does.


US$ & AU$ about the same at the moment, the place is a fixer upperer, go thru it room by room, strip them out and start again.



> Cute place and perfect for a single guy. Looks like fixing it up would keep you busy but not drive you crazy.


that it would !



> So if you are the type that wants to sit home and watch TV on a Saturday night then don't apply to roll with the Freak.




Just had a look at a rental close to my boys, lounge is so small I wouldn't fit my lounge suite in it !


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I'll never own a house. It's just not my bag. I like renting so I can pick up and leave whenever I want. Plus I'm not into fixing up anything more than making the bed. 

One thing I like about my townhouse rental is there is plenty of space. I sleep in the living room but I have a nice futon and there is plenty of room to spread out. My kids have their own rooms. When my daughter goes to college next year I'll get the nice master bedroom with the walk-in closet and oh yeah, my king sized bed back. 

But when my kids are gone I'm going to downgrade for a number of reasons. Big one is to cut my rent substantially. I'd love to see it cut from $1400/ month to about $800-900..or even $1000. We'll see. My ultimate goal is to not have to work so hard and travel more. 

Sounds like a 1 bedroom would work for you. Set the bedroom up as someplace your sons could crash in when they visit and get a futon and when they aren't there you can sleep in the bedroom. 

Be flexible and keep your eye on the cash flow.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I'll never own a house. It's just not my bag. I like renting so I can pick up and leave whenever I want. Plus I'm not into fixing up anything more than making the bed.


The long term plan was to sell this place when I retired, and tanya & I were going to tour the country. guess that aint happening !



> Sounds like a 1 bedroom would work for you. Set the bedroom up as someplace your sons could crash in when they visit and get a futon and when they aren't there you can sleep in the bedroom.


It may get to that, not too sure yet, tanya is still dragging her feet with the access / sale.



> Be flexible and keep your eye on the cash flow.


yep, getting rid of the landline & current ISP ($90 a month between them) going to mobile broadband ($35 a month) at the end of this month.


----------



## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> actually, right now that sounds very appealing
> 
> a place I have my eye on, long way from my boys though
> 
> ...


Thats a cheap house Crank! Would be a good project and if u can make some cash even better. Bummer about being so far away from the kids though


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> Thats a cheap house Crank! Would be a good project and if u can make some cash even better. Bummer about being so far away from the kids though


another option would be to buy a place up near my daughter, rent it out, should get enough to rent a place down this way.


----------



## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> another option would be to buy a place up near my daughter, rent it out, should get enough to rent a place down this way.


That sounds good, I think that being close to your daughter would be the way to go... it's good to have some close family around for sure!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

well, another kick in the guts from W today, she lodged a claim for child support, 'I would never seek child support if you weren't working, and if you were it would be up to you how much you wanted to give for the kids'

The lies just keep coming don't they.

Yeah, ok, so it is only something like less than $10 a week, but thats not the point, is it.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

sorry crank didn't get that...how much you have to pay for child support ??!! $10 a week ?!..did i get that right?!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> sorry crank didn't get that...how much you have to pay for child support ??!! $10 a week ?!..did i get that right?!


yep, keep in mind I am unemployed at the moment, but it is not about the $$.

If you want to make it about the $$, she is getting at least 3 times a week more than I do at the moment.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

ohh ok so she wants the $10 per week and she knows you're unemployed at the moment...and she definitely can afford the kids...she just wants to hurt you yet again. 
I can hear her Mamma talkin' again


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> well, another kick in the guts from W today, she lodged a claim for child support, 'I would never seek child support if you weren't working, and if you were it would be up to you how much you wanted to give for the kids'
> 
> The lies just keep coming don't they.
> 
> Yeah, ok, so it is only something like less than $10 a week, but thats not the point, is it.


She has a right to child support. You have a right to see your children on a regular basis. Take care of business!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> ohh ok so she wants the $10 per week and she knows you're unemployed at the moment...and she definitely can afford the kids...she just wants to hurt you yet again.
> I can hear her Mamma talkin' again


yep, pretty much spot on I would say, another promise broken, she knows I love her, and her mum knows I love W, so yes, pretty much spot on.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> She has a right to child support. You have a right to see your children on a regular basis. Take care of business!


Gee, thats so easy to say.
Lets see, go to court (however long that takes)
get court orders for access
she defies court orders
no court in Australia is going to punish her more than a gentle slap on the wrist and tell her she is a naughty girl

So, tell me, whats that about "Take care of business!"


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> Gee, thats so easy to say.
> Lets see, go to court (however long that takes)
> get court orders for access
> she defies court orders
> ...


I was simply trying to point out that you have options through the court as well. Deciding whether or not the hassle of court is worth it is obviously entirely up to you. Good luck.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> I was simply trying to point out that you have options through the court as well. Deciding whether or not the hassle of court is worth it is obviously entirely up to you. Good luck.


And I point out that the court system is a joke, been there, done that


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Well and truly more than 1 week now 

My sister has been incredible in helping me set up house again, pots & pans, lounge suite, queen bed, TV, here a heck of a lot scrubbing & cleaning, I wouldn't be at this stage with out her, thats for sure.
One of the things Pam gave me was a widescreen TV, one of the things W left here was the lounge TV, so I don't need two TV (and now my eldest son is going to upgrade his 50" plasma, and is giving that to me!) so I send Dan an email the other day:

_ Hi Dan, ask your mum if she wants the Konka TV, Pam gave me a TV and I don't need 2 TVs', and it would save her having to buy one.

love you & Jussy heaps, see you soon.

dad_

He replied today:

_Mum says shell have it if u dont want it
xxoo Jussy Dan max and mum
_

I replied, no worries, just have to work out how to get it there, putting the ball in her court, See what suggestion she comes up with.



p.s max is the dog


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...great idea,what a nice gesture ...i hope she at least appreciates it and says thank you.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...great idea,what a nice gesture ...i hope she at least appreciates it and says thank you.


we will wait and see I guess 

Also offered either a TV stand, or the corner entertainment unit, whichever one she wants, hope she says the entertainment unit actually


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

well, got a reply, not really surprised.
-----
Date: Thu, 17 Mar 2011 11:06:38 +1100
Subject: Re: Dans gmail
From: tanya
To: Crank

I'm sure Dan will check his email and/or respond to your messages when he wants to. You are just going to have to be patient and wait until that time.

I would also ask you NOT to be passing messages through Daniel about items from the house such as the tv. _Messages should not be passed through the children about anything - you_ know that. 

If there is anything in the house that you do not want, just leave it and I will do something with it when you have packed up the rest of your stuff and gone.

---
my reply:

wow, try and do something nice and reasonable that the boys, and you, will make use of and thats the response you give.
---

My initial thoughts are: stuff her, she can go spend $1,000 or more on a new TV

I will be here till the day the settlement goes though, which, at the current rate, could be a while.

Guess the grass isin't greener for her.

As for passing messages, she had Dan reply for her...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Quick follow up email from me:

before you condemn me for asking Dan to ask you if you wanted the TV, maybe you ought to look at yourself first.
----
Date: Mon, 14 Mar 2011 16:16:52 +1100
Subject: Re: TV
From: dan
To: Crank

Mum says shell have it if u dont want it


xxoo Jussy Dan max and mum

On Mon, Mar 14, 2011 at 8:49 AM, Terrian . 
<Crank> wrote:

Hi Dan, ask your mum if she wants the Konka TV, Pam gave me a TV and I don't need 2 TVs', and it would save her having to buy one.

love you & Jussy heaps, see you soon.

dad


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Argh poor you.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Argh poor you.


Bloody hopeless isin't it, she rarely responds to sms or email, she has a go at me for passing a msg via Dan, yet she has done the exact same thing.
She really has some strong anger issue, I was tempted to respond with:

"Gee, I am so sorry that your life hasn't become all peaches & cream, that you have to sit in a room 6hrs a day, 3 days a week making up brackets, and that you are not going out anywhere new, meeting new people, oh, wait, thats one of the reasons why you left wasn't it"

But I didn't 

Mind you, I did sent this link:

oh, short video if you have the time, if not, shrug.

Prevent Your Divorce: The Walkaway Wife Syndrome | Divorce Busting

Fits her to a 'T', maybe thats what got her gander up :shrug:

So when Dan does respond, I will just have to tell him that the TV will just have to stay here till I leave (which wont be till settlement, hmmmm, she wont have much time to pick things up !)

On a brighter note, went for a job interview today, part time 20 - 50 hrs a week mon - fri, $22ph, saturdays are cash in hand, looks pretty promising, even at 20 hrs it is twice what I get at the moment 

I hope the next lady in my life, whenever that may be, is very much like the ladies here, that would be awesome


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> "Gee, I am so sorry that your life hasn't become all peaches & cream, that you have to sit in a room 6hrs a day, 3 days a week making up brackets, and that you are not going out anywhere new, meeting new people, oh, wait, thats one of the reasons why you left wasn't it"
> 
> But I didn't


Go you! We are all improving at being the bigger person. 





Crankshaw said:


> On a brighter note, went for a job interview today, part time 20 - 50 hrs a week mon - fri, $22ph, saturdays are cash in hand, looks pretty promising, even at 20 hrs it is twice what I get at the moment


AWESOME! That would be great for you, hope it works out. 



Crankshaw said:


> I hope the next lady in my life, whenever that may be, is very much like the ladies here, that would be awesome


Awww thank you. Makes you wonder what knuckleheads our SOs are doesn't it? My husbands best friend is so pissed at him, he said he used to always tell him how lucky he was to have me, I wasn't a nag & was so easygoing. Guess I was too easygoing & nice...

PS I will figure this quote thing out eventually... YAY got it!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Go you! We are all improving at being the bigger person.


Yeah, I don't get nearly as emotional now as what I was getting only a few weeks ago. hmmm, phone bill just came in, Dec Jan & Feb, lets see, I have been here 3 weeks, should I tell her the 2/3 of the bill is for her to pay ? 



> AWESOME! That would be great for you, hope it works out.


Yep, would be good, nice and close as well.



> Awww thank you.


It is true though.



> Makes you wonder what knuckleheads our SOs are doesn't it?


yep, thats for sure.



> My husbands best friend is so pissed at him, he said he used to always tell him how lucky he was to have me, I wasn't a nag & was so easygoing. Guess I was too easygoing & nice...


I relise I wasn't the best husband / father in the world, thre was room for improvement, but I don't think I deserve to be treated the way I have been.



> PS I will figure this quote thing out eventually... YAY got it!


go you


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

And now it gets interesting !!!

From my solicitor to her solicitor

We refer to your letter dated 28th February 2011.

Our client has had no contact from the Family Mediation Centre and note your client is obstructing our client from maintaining a meaningful relationship with the children.

Your client is currently seeking to impose conditions including the supervision of an independent adult, that our client not drive with the children in the car, and that our client not collect or drop off the children from your client’s address and that he not have the children at the matrimonial home. Your client is also refusing to allow our client to speak to the children. The only contact phone number our client has is your client’s mobile telephone number which she refuses to answer.

There is no medical basis for the conditions your client is seeking to impose. Should your client fail to engage immediately in mediation and abandon her unsubstantiated conditions upon our client spending time with the children, we shall produce this letter to the Court at the appropriate time.

You will be well aware that a cornerstone of the family law legislation is that the children maintain meaningful and strong relationships with both parents, except in exceptional circumstances. Such circumstances do not exist here.

We await your prompt response.

Yours faithfully

----
I did say I was not worried about the mediation, as long as that wasn't happening I had that time to find work, get some $$ behind me and find a place to rent, looks like plan 'a' may be out the window 

She will, of course, deny that she stops me from speaking to the boys.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

The job I have applied for is with a moving company, hope I get the job


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Awww thank you. Makes you wonder what knuckleheads our SOs are doesn't it? My husbands best friend is so pissed at him, he said he used to always tell him how lucky he was to have me, I wasn't a nag & was so easygoing. Guess I was too easygoing & nice...


Mine too! A few of his friends have said to me what the hell is wrong with him?! He's got everything he could ever want.. obviously it wasn't enough!


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> And now it gets interesting !!!
> 
> From my solicitor to her solicitor
> 
> ...


Is it bad that I read this and then immediately thought "HA how do ya like them apples" :lol:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Is it bad that I read this and then immediately thought "HA how do ya like them apples" :lol:


not at all, I actually didn't want the mediation center involved just yet, would give me more time to secure a job, sock some $$ away, and find a place to rent, but this tells me that she has not yet contacted the mediation center, I mean come on, she is the one that wants to sell asap, so why has she been stalling ?
:scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:

W will certainly be pissed off, thats for sure, probably get another email telling me I am over reacting, 'why didn't you just call the mobile like everyone else'


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> not at all, I actually didn't want the mediation center involved just yet, would give me more time to secure a job, sock some $$ away, and find a place to rent, but this tells me that she has not yet contacted the mediation center, I mean come on, she is the one that wants to sell asap, so why has she been stalling ?
> :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:
> 
> W will certainly be pissed off, thats for sure, probably get another email telling me I am over reacting, 'why didn't you just call the mobile like everyone else'


Well as you know my H hasn't even seen a solicitor.. whys that?! He wants to be single.. make it official.. go get yourself a divorce.. thats not to say I would sign it.. :smthumbup: heh

I think she is scared...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Well as you know my H hasn't even seen a solicitor.. whys that?! He wants to be single.. make it official.. go get yourself a divorce.. thats not to say I would sign it.. :smthumbup: heh
> 
> I think she is scared...


quite possible, and her pride & strong will is getting in the way, either way this is exactly what she said she wouldn't do.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> , but this tells me that she has not yet contacted the mediation center, I mean come on, she is the one that wants to sell asap, so why has she been stalling ?
> :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:


IT's one of the biggest mysteries--I have seen it over and over again--the person wanting out stalls and drags out the D. It's NUTS. My husband took me to court to sue me for the mortgage (which he lost since he makes way more $ than I do), withdrew motions after I showed up in court with my L, and later had the final date for our D set up via his lawyer, and not for 5 months off. And you know what he said? He called me and _yelled_ at me saying I was trying to ruin his life (after he had just sued ME) and said he was in NO hurry to get a D--that he it could take up to 10 years to finalize and he would be fine with that! All while telling me he loved me. LOL.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good luck with with that interview!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Good luck with with that interview!


Interview went fine, wont know till next week how I went though


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> IT's one of the biggest mysteries--I have seen it over and over again--the person wanting out stalls and drags out the D. It's NUTS. My husband took me to court to sue me for the mortgage (which he lost since he makes way more $ than I do), withdrew motions after I showed up in court with my L, and later had the final date for our D set up via his lawyer, and not for 5 months off. And you know what he said? He called me and _yelled_ at me saying I was trying to ruin his life (after he had just sued ME) and said he was in NO hurry to get a D--that he it could take up to 10 years to finalize and he would be fine with that! All while telling me he loved me. LOL.


yeah, strange, she was the one who walked out and all the rest of it, perhaps guilt is something she is battling.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

apparently the grass isin't always greener

A normal week for W would have been working tue, wed & thur
Seems she is now having to work at least 4 days a week, and apparently isin't very happy about that.

I say lucky her, I would like to be working 4 or 5 days a week, perhaps soon I shall be


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The grass is NEVER greener, Crank


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> The grass is NEVER greener, Crank


of course it is, other than being unemployed, missing my kids, missing my wife, being pretty broke, I'm having a ball, I might even get take away for tea tonight


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> of course it is, other than being unemployed, missing my kids, missing my wife, being pretty broke, I'm having a ball, I might even get take away for tea tonight



And you have AMAZING friends  xxx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> And you have AMAZING friends  xxx


I have some brilliant friends xxx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Thinking (yes, I know, dangerous thing to do, but you only live once), and wondering why W left the place in such an organized way, why she left certain things as she did, why, after 4 weeks she has yet to do anything about 'mediation' in order to get the house sold when she is the one who wants it sold asap.

I know my limitations, I am a man, I have not a snowballs chance in hell of understanding the thinking of the female mind, I freely admit that, so come on all you females, what do *you* think is / was going through her mind ?

This mere male would like your insight !


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There is no way to tell what the heck she is thinking, Crank. 

As I mentioned before, a lot of times the person wanting out drags out he divoce for reasons that are a humungous mystery. NO clue whatsoever. You could always call her and ask if she's called mediation and whatnot to find out what the status is. Could you also file?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> There is no way to tell what the heck she is thinking, Crank.
> 
> As I mentioned before, a lot of times the person wanting out drags out he divoce for reasons that are a humungous mystery. NO clue whatsoever. You could always call her and ask if she's called mediation and whatnot to find out what the status is. Could you also file?


Na, she doesn't answer the phone when I call, and I did get an email reply from her saying the mediation people will call when they are ready, but it is obvious that she hasn't even talked to them yet, and it is now almost 4 weeks down the track !

You females, a mystery to yourselves, and even bigger mystery to us men, maybe thats why we are so interested in you


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

We are mysterious but wayward spouses are the most crazy of the bunch, men or female. LOL.

Can you go ahead and file or no?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> We are mysterious but wayward spouses are the most crazy of the bunch, men or female. LOL.
> 
> rofl, yeah, too true
> 
> ...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Ok, got hard rubbish collection coming up soon, so have been clearing out a lot of stuff that I don't want, when W left here she has said that she has everything from the house that she needs (hmmm, she needs the wedding album ?) anyway, there is a large, very heavy solid wooden wall unit, it was her grandmothers, basically I want it out of here so I can set up the dining room properly. 

So, being the nice sweet guy I am (grin, I have been told that a few times over the last few weeks, think I might be starting to believe it!) I sent this to W today:

_If you want the wall unit, best let me know within the next couple of days.

If you don't, or I don't hear back from you in the next few days, I will arrange for an op shop to come and pick it up.

Paul_

She has a habit of not replying to sms or email, if she ignores this one her grand mothers wall unit goes bye bye, I am pretty sure she doesn't want to lose it.

I very clearly cc it to my solicitor, so W will know that my solicitor has a copy.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

*sticks a Mahoosive gold star on Cranky*

Way to go!!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> *sticks a Mahoosive gold star on Cranky*
> 
> Way to go!!!


awww, thanks princess


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good for you for giving her notice. 
If she doesn't respond, not your problem. You've got it in writing.

So did you guys do your 1 counselling session that is required.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Good for you for giving her notice.
> If she doesn't respond, not your problem. You've got it in writing.
> 
> So did you guys do your 1 counselling session that is required.


na, that will happen at the end of 12 months, before divorce papers can be processed, and ya know what, if she really wants divorce, she can do the paper work and the expenses


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL you crack me up. 

Interesting that they make you wait ti the very en dfor the counselling. Question: is that standard across Australia or just in the part where you live. In the states, each state is diff. 

There are some states that are fault-no fault. Some are equitable distrubtion, others community property states. Some make you wait a year, some say you can do it in six months if no kids. If you have property that changes stuff too. List goes on and on!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL you crack me up.






> Interesting that they make you wait ti the very en dfor the counselling. Question: is that standard across Australia or just in the part where you live. In the states, each state is diff.


As far as I am aware it is right across Oz, it is not that they make you wait, it is a last chance session, to see if there is any hope.



> There are some states that are fault-no fault. Some are equitable distrubtion, others community property states. Some make you wait a year, some say you can do it in six months if no kids. If you have property that changes stuff too. List goes on and on!


it is a whole lot less complicated here


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Please don't make fun of me and forgive my ignorance in advance...why is Australia referred to as "Oz?" 

Laugh at me. It's ok


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Please don't make fun of me and forgive my ignorance in advance...why is Australia referred to as "Oz?"
> 
> Laugh at me. It's ok


Oooooh lemme answer this one *waves hand in the air*

The word Australia when referred to informally with its first three letters becomes Aus. When Aus or Aussie, the short form for an Australian, is pronounced for fun with a hissing sound at the end, it sounds as though the word being pronounced has the spelling Oz. Taaaaaaaa Daaaaaaaa


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL. Thanks, Mad! See, I am getting my education today in TAM School.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL. Thanks, Mad! See, I am getting my education today in TAM School.


AIM is a whole lot smarter than she lets people know, something you learn from talking to her for a while (she is actually a whole lot smarter than she thinks she is  (but don't tell I said that, ummm, this is a pm isin't it, and not a forum post, right ??)


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> AIM is a whole lot smarter than she lets people know, something you learn from talking to her for a while (she is actually a whole lot smarter than she thinks she is  (but don't tell I said that, ummm, this is a pm isin't it, and not a forum post, right ??)


You cheeky Why I oughta! :nono:  hehe

I'm thick as 2 short planks me.. didn't you know? Apparently I am stupid and I never stick to anything and I am rubbish at English and God help me with my degree WHATEVER MCDONALDS WORKER!! :loser:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> You cheeky Why I oughta! :nono:  hehe


promises promises 



> H is as thick as 2 short planks. . didn't you know?
> Apparently H is stupid and H never sticks to anything and H is rubbish at English and God help H with his degree WHATEVER MCDONALDS WORKER!! :loser:


well, that didn't take much effort to fix 

BTW, I just had a thought, Tanya said to me once that she wanted the 'old Paul back', 'old Paul' was pretty alpha, not full blown, but confident, outgoing etc, and she made a number of comments about Max (our dog) being off his food because he could sense the alpha male was not himself, not happy.. I, of course, didn't take much notice at the time. but I now wonder....

Oh well, back to moving these 22' timber beams...


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> promises promises
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Haha that made me grin thank you Mr Cranky!


easy peasy 



> Hmmm the thing is you're becoming that person again now... but why did you stop in the past... because maybe deep down you was unhappy?! Do you ever wonder or believe that things sometimes happen for a reason? Albeit that it almost kills us and the pain was unbearable at the time...


I held my emotions in, I was the man, the alpha, I was tuffer than to cry, to the point that depression got hold, then I was unhappy but still with holding my emotions, then I flipped out 

Do I believe, yes, and no, I believe you make your own destiny, but actions of others will always force you to make corrections, no matter how slight, to your chosen path, butterfly effect.



> *sings* Macho macho maaaaaannn*


:rofl: Villiage People, gay as hell


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Ah love the Village people. Night y'all xx


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

crank...counseling session with your W....is a must and she must go and see you and talk to you ...OMG ...can i be a fly on the wall...
No seriously that is awesome, good for Oz...(thanks jelly ,i also learned something today),they should have the same law here...in every state.

I applaud you for your brilliancy to kill 2 rabbits with one bullet with that letter/message to your W. 1.st You're showing her that you're being nice and care about her stuff and her.2nd. If she was to say anything about it in the future you have it in writing. hmm there is a 3rd one as well 3. You get an excuse to remind her that you still exist. :smthumbup:

Gosh i love you guys,i have 300 shows recorded on TV to watch or a ton of other things to do but all I want to do it being on TAM and reading what you have to say because you all are really brilliant. <3


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Hiya V


vivea said:


> crank...counseling session with your W....is a must and she must go and see you and talk to you ...OMG ...can i be a fly on the wall...


Well, she has no choice if she wants to divorce me 



> No seriously that is awesome, good for Oz...(thanks jelly ,i also learned something today),they should have the same law here...in every state.


very marriage guided, one of the reasons being $$, W is on a single parent pension, with 2 kids she gets something like $700 a week, then there is rental ,assistance as well, so the more the govt can do to keep marriages together, the less it costs them.



> I applaud you for your brilliancy to kill 2 rabbits with one bullet with that letter/message to your W. 1.st You're showing her that you're being nice and care about her stuff and her.2nd. If she was to say anything about it in the future you have it in writing. hmm there is a 3rd one as well 3. You get an excuse to remind her that you still exist. :smthumbup:


I do send a txt every 2nd night asking her to say good night to our boys and give *them* my love, so she knows I am still around 

4) alpha me is on the way back, but an improved version of 



> Gosh i love you guys,i have 300 shows recorded on TV to watch or a ton of other things to do but all I want to do it being on TAM and reading what you have to say because you all are really brilliant. <3


awww, gosh, I have never blushed so much in my life 
thanks V xx


----------



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

vivea said:


> Gosh i love you guys,i have 300 shows recorded on TV to watch or a ton of other things to do but all I want to do it being on TAM and reading what you have to say because you all are really brilliant. <3


:iagree:


Crank, you're a good guy. We're thankful to have you here, your W doesn't know what she's missing.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> Crank, you're a good guy. We're thankful to have you here, your W doesn't know what she's missing.


(thats it, I'm just gonna wear red face paint from now on 

hey, the feeling is mutual to you lovely lovely ladies, your husband are, for the most part, people to feel sorry for because they truly don't understand how fantastic you lot are.

And to the other guys here, we should all be so grateful these ladies have allowed us to share in some of their secret ladies business, coz it has all been a real eye opener for me at times


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Just to give you all a bit of a personal up date, nothing to do with my W, I have been on a 'dating' site, not looking for love, just friendship (yeah yeah I hear you all say!)

This is all about a bit of confidence that this place has given me

I have come across a lovely lady, and we get along really well (online!) She is a little older than me, but we do get along quite well, and at some stage we are going to get together. She knows about my situation, so there is no skeletons in the closet for her. She isin't after a relationship, just friendship, which is more than fine by me.

But something I really didn't expect is the attention of two other ladies, both about the same age as me, one is more or less looking for a long term relationship, something that I am not looking for at this time, and the other I get the feeling just wants me for a good time, like going out to movies, out for dinner & drinks, maybe more, not too sure about that though and haven't considered pursuing that path ! 

So between here & there, permanent stage of blush I just about am


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

*wolf whistles* Hey like I said we're not here to judge, you find comfort and solace where you need it!

You've made some amazing friends and you deserve it, we've all been through hell and back, so if going on a dating site is your preference then go for it! Go you!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> *wolf whistles* Hey like I said we're not here to judge, you find comfort and solace where you need it!
> 
> You've made some amazing friends and you deserve it, we've all been through hell and back, so if going on a dating site is your preference then go for it! Go you!


well, I am being propositioned right now, bit scary actually 
want the gory details 

Jan, come save me


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> well, I am being propositioned right now, bit scary actually
> want the gory details
> 
> Jan, come save me


Enjoy that Ego boost babe! :lol:it will do you wonders!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> *wolf whistles* Hey like I said we're not here to judge, you find comfort and solace where you need it!
> 
> You've made some amazing friends and you deserve it, we've all been through hell and back, so if going on a dating site is your preference then go for it! Go you!


well, I am being propositioned right now, bit scary actually 
want the gory details


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> well, I am being propositioned right now, bit scary actually
> want the gory details



Hell ya!!  haha *goes to lift weights*


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Enjoy that Ego boost babe! :lol:it will do you wonders!


certainly is nice, in a weird sort of way 

the things she has said, my my my my, be still my weary heart (might have a heart attack, thats all !)


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Hell ya!!  haha *goes to lift weights*


not this time, I'm lapping it all up (go lift weights later


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

ok, well this is a first, a prompt reply from W:

_Thankyou for the prompt reply, I shall arrange for an op shop to come and collect it as soon as is possible.

Clearing out under the house I see the cot is still there, did you want to keep that, I seem to recall it had been in your family for many years.

Paul

Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2011 20:56:01 +1100
Subject: Re: wall unit
From: tanya
To: Crank

The wall unit was left for you. I do not need it.


On Mon, Mar 21, 2011 at 3:58 PM, Terrian . 
<crank> wrote:

If you want the wall unit, best let me know within the next couple of days.

If you don't, or I don't hear back from you in the next few days, I will arrange for an op shop to come and pick it up.

Paul
_

So it was left for me and i am just getting rid of it, that wont go down well, tuff luck, you women can go B**ch Mode" well we blokes can go "basta*d Mode" 

Twas her grandmothers wall unit, her loss, and the cot, it was the cot she used as a baby.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> ok, well this is a first, a prompt reply from W:
> 
> _Thankyou for the prompt reply, I shall arrange for an op shop to come and collect it as soon as is possible.
> 
> ...


Well there you have it in black and white, make sure you save it, because, if/when you get shot of it, she'll make a big thing out of it, you watch!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Well there you have it in black and white, make sure you save it, because, if/when you get shot of it, she'll make a big thing out of it, you watch!!


all messages, be they email or sms, get sent to my solicitor 

The part I like in her reply is "The wall unit was left for you. I do not need it." a more usual response would have been (if she responded at all!) "I do not need it"


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> all messages, be they email or sms, get sent to my solicitor


Good job, keep your back covered!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Good job, keep your back covered!


yep, still haven't heard from mediation centre, oh well.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well at least you're being cordial to eachother. Good stuff. I agree with Mad--keep all the emails a documentation for stuff.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> And now it gets interesting !!!
> From my solicitor to her solicitor
> We refer to your letter dated 28th February 2011.


blah blah blah

Sent from my solicitor on 17th Mar 2011, it is now 24th Mar 2011, days, no word. 7 days today. Not really all that surprised though.


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Ugh. Living vicariously through you makes me hope that I do not get to the point that legal representation is needed. Everything is so much more complicated once they are involved Im sure.

I need a weight bench...these soup cans just are not doing it for me anymore...


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I need me some weights!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Oak said:


> Ugh. Living vicariously through you makes me hope that I do not get to the point that legal representation is needed. Everything is so much more complicated once they are involved Im sure.


the exact opposite actually, I no longer have to worry about 'hurting her feelings' when a 'nasty' letter is sent, I no longer have to bang my head against a brick wall, if she does nothing about mediation, then that will be against her solicitors advice. Note that it is solicitor to solicitor contact, what her solicitor relays to her may not be worded exactly the same as the mail her solicitor received from Fan (Fan being my solicitor).



> I need a weight bench...these soup cans just are not doing it for me anymore...


The weight bench & weights were given to me by my (ex) father in law


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> I need me some weights!!


(crank zips mouth closed!)


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> the exact opposite actually, I no longer have to worry about 'hurting her feelings' when a 'nasty' letter is sent, I no longer have to bang my head against a brick wall, if she does nothing about mediation, then that will be against her solicitors advice.



Agreed. It can be very helpful especially if you are dealing with a vindictive or mean person who wants it all to be their way.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed. It can be very helpful especially if you are dealing with a vindictive or mean person who wants it all to be their way.


yep, certainly has been easier on me, let the solicitors duke it out, so far Fran is on the winning end 

Good News, Bad News.

The bad news first
I wont be around quite as much after this weekend, but I will certainly do my best to be here at least a few times a week!

The Good new.
Was doing some grocery shopping this morning, phone rings, look at the number, don't recognise it, but answer anyway, 1 minute later I am employed, they wanted me to start tomorrow, went down and spoke to the man in charge, start on monday 
So that is a load off my shoulders, mind you, it is an area of work I haven't done before, so a little nervous, but after a week or so I should be fine


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Congrats on the new job!!! We'll miss you , keep in touch w/ us!


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Thats is FANTASTIC! Well done.


----------



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Congrats on the job! So happy for you. But so sad for us. We'll miss you! I'm sure you'll be great at whatever you do.


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Awesome news! Way to go Crank!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Congrats on the new job!!! We'll miss you , keep in touch w/ us!


oh gawd yeah, you bunch of beautiful misfits are like family to me, and my family is more important to me than anything else !

So I will be around, but not as much during the week as I have been


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Congrats on the job! So happy for you. But so sad for us. We'll miss you! I'm sure you'll be great at whatever you do.





Oak said:


> Awesome news! Way to go Crank!


As I said to JB, you are family, and I wont be giving up on here, just wont be here or on FB quite as often. So y luck is changing,and here is something else that happened today.

just went out to check the mail (nothing) and noticed one of the boxes out for hard rubbish was opened, it had an old kettle in it, thought ok, will close the box, well, kettle is gone, but who ever took the kettle left a full set of Knives, Fork & Spoons in the box, all in good condition, guess they needed a kettle, but didn't like the cutlery 

A good wash and they will be as good as new


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Craaaaank...AWESOME buddy.So happy for you.:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup: 
You'll be excused from the forum but only on the days you're at work  .


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Craaaaank...AWESOME buddy.So happy for you.:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
> You'll be excused from the forum but only on the days you're at work  .


Well, it is going to be hard yakka at this new job, 10 - 12 hr days I am told, 5 and sometimes 6 days a week, but the pay rate is good ($55k - $65k year, depending on how many hours), the blokes all seem pretty good, so, once I get into the swing of things it should be fine. That means I will be able to rent somewhere closeish to my boys, so I am quite stoked about that. Also means that, when this place finally selss I might very well be able to buy another place in a year or two if I save the $$ wisely (but I do want a newer car, the old 1991 subaru wagon is getting a bit long in the tooth)

I will still have evenings and a bit on weekends, so that will be good for me, coz you lot are a friggin fantastic bunch, and I really don't think I could go more than a couple of days with out seeing you guys & gals, I mean, someone has to keep you in check 

Love all you guys muchly !!!!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Love you too crank..I teared up reading your post.Just happy and sad emotions. I just remembered your posts at the beginning how devastated you were..it's like you are a graduating.I'm just so happy that life got better for you.Gosh you'll be working a lot, I will miss you .

Just realized something,we all are having an EA with each other.hehe


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Love you too crank..I teared up reading your post.Just happy and sad emotions.


awww, V, thats so nice (I have a huge smile going here !)



> I just remembered your posts at the beginning how devastated you were..it's like you are a graduating.I'm just so happy that life got better for you.


I was an absolute mess, no doubt about it, completely screwed up, but you guys have been so fantastic, so supportive, I can find the words !!



> Gosh you'll be working a lot, I will miss you .


Yeah, lot of hours, but it is what I need to do for at east the next few years, I might still be able to put my retirement plan into action if I play my cards right !



> Just realized something,we all are having an EA with each other.hehe


Yeah, some more than others, but you know what, it has not been for ourselves, it has been for the others, and that my friend is a good thing


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Today just keeps getting better & better, damn, I knew I should have bought a lottery ticket for tonight !!!

Just got this email reply from W:

_Leave the cot please, it is Mums.


On Tue, Mar 22, 2011 at 10:59 PM, <Crank> wrote:

Thankyou for the prompt reply, I shall arrange for an op shop to come and collect it as soon as is possible.

Clearing out under the house I see the cot is still there, did you want to keep that, I seem to recall it had been in your family for many years.

Paul
_

*PLEASE*, wow, I am floored, I never expected that !

I expected, if she replied at all, 'leave the cot, it is my mothers'

Some one must have kidnapped her and are impersonating her, thats what it is, no, wait, now I know where Freak disappeared to !!!

My reply: 

_I shall leave the cot with the few other things I have put aside that I believe you might like to keep.

Paul_

see, I really am a nice guy, just these days I tend to carry a bloody big stick !


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Wow, it is amazing how you've turned around in such a short time and I feel so crap 5 months in  Wish I had your strength!

I am so pleased things are working out well for you, you deserve it! Question tho.. who the hell will I have to talk me down when I want to txt H?! Who will be my nag?! lol

I'd like to know when some good luck will start heading my way! Stop hugging Lady Luck and send her my way!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Wow, it is amazing how you've turned around in such a short time and I feel so crap 5 months in  Wish I had your strength!


I joke about it, but I have been on anti depressants for a few months, and I think they have been a real help to me, they have helped level out my emotions, so I was in that bad palce a shorter time than you guys, I am getting out of it easy compared to you guys (mind you, l almost killing yourself is a hell of a way to get on meds, I would*n't* suggest it to anyone !)



> I am so pleased things are working out well for you, you deserve it! Question tho.. who the hell will I have to talk me down when I want to txt H?! Who will be my nag?! lol


well, right now it is about 8am your time, so I will most likely still be here, so nag away princess 



> I'd like to know when some good luck will start heading my way! Stop hugging Lady Luck and send her my way!


awww, but she is a honey 
oh, alright, I will stop being so selfish and send her on her way (now, where did I pout those handcuff keys !)


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Today just keeps getting better & better !

I am off to Hastings tomorrow evening to to have a quite wine, stroll down to the Marina with a lovely lady friend (no, just a good friend, but she is good company 

I wish I had bought that tatts ticket


----------



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

So happy for you!!! I hope this is the beginning of a very wonderful life for you!!!! Who knows what's in store!!!!! Wishing you the very best!!!!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

denise1218 said:


> So happy for you!!! I hope this is the beginning of a very wonderful life for you!!!! Who knows what's in store!!!!! Wishing you the very best!!!!!


thankya kindly pretty lady, I am hoping that I have turned the corner from that bloody long road, no high expectations though, am feeling good enough to actually start thinking about long term ideas


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I'm soooooo pleased for you, you need to be able to smile! Enjoy your evening and we're expecting a report!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Awesome crank ,have a lovely evening..and yes we're waiting for a full report 

----
And YES you're really nice to your W. with her furniture and stuff.Good for you !




-


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> I'm soooooo pleased for you, you need to be able to smile! Enjoy your evening and we're expecting a report!





vivea said:


> Awesome crank ,have a lovely evening..and yes we're waiting for a full report


A gentleman never tells !!!
But I will make an exception this time, besides, nothing saucy is going to happen, Jan is too nice a lady for that !



> And YES you're really nice to your W. with her furniture and stuff.Good for you !
> 
> -


Thanks V, I try to keep it 'business like' can't be bothered wasting emotion on her to be honest, to also be honest I almost shed a tear or two thinking about her a little before I went to sleep (after someone had my up chatting till 1am, but I wont mention names will I AIM  but you know what, I didn't actually shed any tears, and then promptly slept for 5hrs straight.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> Thanks V, I try to keep it 'business like' can't be bothered wasting emotion on her to be honest, to also be honest I almost shed a tear or two thinking about her a little before I went to sleep (after someone had my up chatting till 1am, but I wont mention names will I AIM  but you know what, I didn't actually shed any tears, and then promptly slept for 5hrs straight.



Hey don't blame me... Ok... blame me... I had a crying session at you  Then a happy crying session! Then sad again... :scratchhead: Damn Hormones!!!

I look forward to the day I don't cry xx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Hey don't blame me... Ok... blame me...


Na, my choice to stay up and chat 



> I had a crying session at you  Then a happy crying session! Then sad again... :scratchhead: Damn Hormones!!!


q. how do you make a hormone ?
a. kick her where it hurts.
(sorry, but it is 7:40am!)



> I look forward to the day I don't cry xx


I'll tell you something, and keep this to your self, I don't look forward to the day I don't cry, because if that day comes, it means I have turned into a heartless non caring bastard. I would much rather be a caring bastard any day of the week, even if that means I have to shed a few tears every now and then.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> q. how do you make a hormone ?
> a. kick her where it hurts.
> (sorry, but it is 7:40am!)
> 
> ...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> I did actually laugh and roll my eyes! That's a proper dad joke! lol


I am a dad 



> That makes a lot of sense, but I would rather not be crying over him..! And Happy tears would be nicer


happy or sad, only shed them over some worth the effort 

Oh, and I am devastated, today isin't Saturday after all, it is Friday, I was a day ahead of myself


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> Oh, and I am devastated, today isin't Saturday after all, it is Friday, I was a day ahead of myself


That'll be your age  hahah


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> The bad news first
> I wont be around quite as much after this weekend, but I will certainly do my best to be here at least a few times a week!
> 
> * ....but at least we know how to get a hold of you :smthumbup: !!!!!!*
> ...


*All will be just fine for you.....first the job, then the woman :smthumbup: !!!!!!

XOXO*


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> That'll be your age  hahah


watch it cheeky


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> *
> ..but at least we know how to get a hold of you !!!!!!*


Yep, that you do, anytime I am around, you know that 



> *All will be just fine for you.....first the job, then the woman :smthumbup: !!!!!!
> *


Yeah, should be all good.Not all that terribly interested in the woman part for anything other than friends (not fussed about the benefits part!), certainly not looking for a relationship at this time !!!

Got a call this morning from the mediation center, asking if I would like to make an appointment. About time, W must have only gone to them yesterday, thats about 5 weeks after she was supposed to.

12th April is when I see them the first time, he briefly talked about how they do things, I cut him off mid sentence, told him I did not wish to be in the same room as W as she had been extremely hostile towards me over the last 3 months, and I did not feel the need to be put in that position again, he wasn't too happy about that, tuff luck, mediation, not fight club.

So she has a session, I have a session, then at some other stage we are supposed to both be there, separate rooms as far as I am concerned, I already have my list written out, did it 5 weeks ago, back when she was supposed to be organising the mediation.

So it looks like this job has come at the right time, I should be able to afford to rent a place ($250 - $300 a week) as it looks like my house will be on the market sooner rather than later, shouldn't take more than a month or so to sell, then I push for 90 day settlement, so that should give about 4 months to save some $$ and find a place to rent 

And I was just getting the house set up the way I wanted it / liked it 
Good thing this new job is with a removalist / storage mob, could come in handy 



> *XOXO*


hugs & kisses always accepted from brilliant women


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*decission*

OK, well, decision made, I have been putting a number of items on the laundry bench for W to pick up after I move out, just added my wedding ring to the bits & pieces, attached note reads:

_You have your: 
engagement ring
wedding ring
eternity ring
wedding photos
etc.
You may as well have this as well, keep the lot together.

Paul_

Bit sad, isin't it.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Just finished having tea, and have pretty much decided I don't like this house any more 

Use to love this place, it really is no longer a what I consider a home, Tanya & I did so much renovating here, there is not one room in this place that we haven't changed, all new bathroom, all new laundry, all new kitchen. Every room painted.

No room looks as it did 6 weeks ago, I have changed pretty much everything, and that has made it a whole lot easier to be here, but I think I am going to be quite relieved when the details are sorted out, the place is sold, and I can finally put this part of my life behind me.

Guess that will do for the time being, ya know how I tell everyone they will have a backstep every now and then, but overall they will be moving forward, well, at about 6:45pm this evening is when my backstep started, I will get over it soon enough, but everyone, just remember, there will be backsteps, but they aint gonna kill ya, and you will get over them without any damage being done.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

*hugs* It's so hard living in the family home, I know, I'm in ours and I can't really move  Just think of your fresh start, being able to live closer to your boys, you can have a littlle place that will be your own, that you chose for yourself. You've got a bright future. Keep smiling x


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> *hugs* It's so hard living in the family home, I know, I'm in ours and I can't really move  Just think of your fresh start, being able to live closer to your boys, you can have a littlle place that will be your own, that you chose for yourself. You've got a bright future. Keep smiling x


yeah, I will be able to rent some where, might look at buying a place or two up Bendigo way, rent one out, use the other as a weekender, just would really like a hug from the boys (funny enough, not after a hug from tanya)

Just a little low at the moment, maybe all that has happened in the last day or so :shrug:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

******, the forgot to tell me the job was only casual.
Oh well, it will do till I find full time work, plans put back a little, getting use to that


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

look at the bright side...you'll still be hanging out with us than..more free time right?!


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Two steps forward and one step back is still progress.

And I hear you about getting used to the pattern. 

Hang in there, you are doing great.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Some job is better than no job.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> look at the bright side...you'll still be hanging out with us than..more free time right?!


that is the bright side 

so far I have done 20 hrs over 3 days, happy with that, having the next few days off (lots of things I need to do) then back to work Monday. Seems like they may want me to be their new Operations Manager, seeing as how I have management experience and all that guff, but have to learn all aspects of the business, so it might be a good thing after all


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Oak said:


> Two steps forward and one step back is still progress.
> 
> And I hear you about getting used to the pattern.
> 
> Hang in there, you are doing great.


it was more like 3 steps forward and a small step back, but yeah, thats the way things go


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Some job is better than no job.


For sure, but gee, I was just starting to get in the swing of not working, and I only had a couple of days to go before my unemployment insurance kicked in !! (not to self, increase insurance cover!)


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*email*

Just sent an email to the ex, those than know me know my surname starts with 'S'

To: Tanya Rooke

Sometime over the next few days I will be putting the cot, and other items I believe you may want to keep, on the front porch, I will water the plants on a regular basis, but accept no further responsibility for said items.


"Because of the changes you have made to Dads mobile phone account, what you want to do cannot be done, nor can your changes be reversed. Dad has spent quite some time out of his very busy day trying to sort it all out. It is not possible. Therefore, once the credit you currently have on the account runs out it will be cancelled. Dad has taken back control of his account online until this time."

By now you will be aware that the mobile phone number is now mine to do with as I please, which is exactly what I wanted, and had your fathers permission, to do. Why he suddenly changed his mind, after telling optus staff twice that he was happy to transfer the account to me, I can only guess.

Cancel the account whenever you please, just be sure to not have my email address on that account, failure to do so could be taken as harassment.

Paul

That will probably annoy her some what, care factor 0.
Rooke is her maiden name.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Oak said:


> Two steps forward and one step back is still progress.
> 
> And I hear you about getting used to the pattern.
> 
> Hang in there, you are doing great.


another step forward was the 2nd in charge told me the boss gave me a $1ph pay rise, I had been with them 2 days


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Amazing, a reply within a few hours, most unlike her !

_What is the point in this? I have already said that I will come and collect anything from the house that you don't take when you leave. And what else do you have that you think I might want?_

On Wed, Mar 30, 2011 at 4:21 PM, Cranckshaw . wrote:

Sometime over the next few days I will be putting the cot, and other items I believe you may want to keep, on the front porch, I will water the plants on a regular basis, but accept no further responsibility for said items.
---

Naturally, I have not yet had time to reply, I am, after all, quite a busy person these days, what with work (that she doesn't know about) socializing with friends (that she doesn't know) and many other things.

She has left out the bit about the phone, not surprised at all, a battle I won, I am a little surprised with: 
1) she replied so quickly
2) The reply was not nasty
3) That she has become curious


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

No comment on the maiden name either?

I read it as her being a bit arsey? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> No comment on the maiden name either?
> 
> I read it as her being a bit arsey?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


maybe, very unlike her to reply so quickly, she wants to know whats going on with having to ask.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear yo uand the wife are being cordial to eachother.

Crank, I can't remember, was there another man involved in your story?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Glad to hear yo uand the wife are being cordial to eachother.


ahhhh, so thats what cordial is 



> Crank, I can't remember, was there another man involved in your story?


No, only her mother


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Haha lol!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

A little bored, so I replied to her this am

_It occurred to me that leaving things of yours in the laundry was:
1) taking up room inside the house that wasn't necessary
2) rather silly as you would not be able to pick what ever is left
3) a courtesy

Paul_

translation:
your junk was making the place look untidy
I have changed the locks
me being 1/2 nice

And no, I didn't bother telling her what the extra stuff was, let her find out for herself, when ever that may happen


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You are a riot. 

Next time don't send messages out of boredom.

You could try something like: 

_Your things are in the laundry room and it would be be best if you came to get them by X date. After that I may throw them out as they are taking up space. Let me know what you want to do._

How is the new jobby job going, Crankster?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You are a riot.
> 
> Next time don't send messages out of boredom.
> 
> ...


But I am being nice, I know that may be a little hard to comprehend, but I am trying 
Besides, I already did the above with the wall unit, can't be repeating it  



> How is the new jobby job going, Crankster?


pretty hard yakka, But the pay is good.
They are making noises about training me up and putting 'operation manager' hat on me, last operations manager was on $70k !
The owner apparently likes me, 2nd day there he gave me a $1ph pay rise


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What is YAKKA? LOL. 

Good pay = awesome! Sounds like good things are coming your way, Crank!


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> pretty hard yakka, But the pay is good.
> They are making noises about training me up and putting 'operation manager' hat on me, last operations manager was on $70k !
> The owner apparently likes me, 2nd day there he gave me a $1ph pay rise


Things are looking up, Moneybags!


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

This is good news! You will be in a good spot when we visit! I always have wanted to see Australia.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What is YAKKA? LOL.


hard yakka = oz slang, hard work 



> Good pay = awesome! Sounds like good things are coming your way, Crank!


well, we will take it one day at a time and see how things pan out


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> Things are looking up, Moneybags!


Not counting on anything, we will see how things go for the time being I think !

And moneybags, hmmmm, I wish !


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Oak said:


> This is good news! You will be in a good spot when we visit! I always have wanted to see Australia.


At this rate I am going to have to buy a 50 room hotel for all the people to stay in that have said they want to visit


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> hard yakka = oz slang, hard work


Nice. Thanks for the Oz lesson.

I once met a really cool Australian when I visited London. He kept calling me Aquarius. (my sign) and kept telling me that the British/English accent and the Australian accents were comparable but there are some big feuds about it, about which is more proper/better. Random. LOL.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Nice. Thanks for the Oz lesson.


my pleasure 



> I once met a really cool Australian when I visited London. He kept calling me Aquarius. (my sign) and kept telling me that the British/English accent and the Australian accents were comparable but there are some big feuds about it, about which is more proper/better. Random. LOL.


no argument, Oz is better


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL. I thought he was a riot! And he kept making fun of my American accent. We must sound like total idiots to the Aussies and Brits.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL. I thought he was a riot! And he kept making fun of my American accent. We must sound like total idiots to the Aussies and Brits.


na, not that, it is just the accent


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

a lovely evening spent with a lady friend was had by this little black duck (well, not so little, not black, and not a duck,hmmmm)


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Was she impressed with the accent???

...

Oh right.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Oak said:


> Was she impressed with the accent???
> ...
> Oh right.


:lol:
home cooked meal, a little red wine, a movie, .... I will leave it there


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sounds like an awesome date to me!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Sounds like an awesome date to me!


a good time was had by both of us


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Ok Ok rub it in!


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

BTW Brit accent... soooo much sexier


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

AmImad said:


> BTW Brit accent... soooo much sexier


Rawr!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL, Mad. Anything is sexier than an American accent!


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> But I am being nice, I know that may be a little hard to comprehend, but I am trying
> Besides, I already did the above with the wall unit, can't be repeating it
> 
> 
> ...


As I said....all is falling into place for you !!!!! Good karma !!!!


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL, Mad. Anything is sexier than an American accent!


Wanna hear me talk German.....I don't think so  ....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> What's not to like ???? We love you !!!!!!


awwww, thats nice, if only w felt the same way, oh well, can't have everything 



> As I said....all is falling into place for you !!!!! Good karma !!!!


hoping so


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> Wanna hear me talk German.....I don't think so  ....


yeah, go for it 
wanna hear me (attempt) to speak French


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Ok Ok rub it in!


ok, I will, thanks for your permission princess 

Now, on the couch.....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> BTW Brit accent... soooo much sexier


compared to...? (g.d.r)


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

EVERYTHING  you haven't heard my voice lmao


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Has been a reasonable day today, first up I go to a job interview, and get the job, 10 minutes later I get a call from another place asking me to come in for an interview, then I get an email from ex

_I have neither rego papers, nor details of the Pathfinder

Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 17:22:34 +1000
Subject: Pathfinder
From: tanya
To: Crankshaw

I've noticed that the registration for the Pathfinder will be due for renewal soon. Can you please organise for the registration to be transferred into my name so that I will recieve the invoice and can pay it on time? 

I understand from Ines that a RWC will not be required and because the transfer is between us it will be exempt from the duty fees as well.
_

Amazing how nicely she can ask 
And if roadworthy or stamp duties did need to be done, not my problem 

I also sent :

_As far as I am aware all that is need is a signature from me on the transfer papers._

ie, you do the leg work, all I need to do is sign the papers


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

:rofl:
within 10 minutes of my reply she has come back with all the details of the pathfinder.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Just gets better & better 

_If you could get the papers, fill in what is necessary and forward to me then please
_

:rofl:

I will reply at some stage I guess.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

:rofl: I haven't had this much since, hmmmm, not sure !
My reply

_You can d/l the required paper work from:

Transfer registration to spouse, partner or family : VicRoads

or ask Ines for the needed paperwork

Just post it to me, I will sign, include a stamped self addressed envelope for returning the paperwork to you
_


----------



## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

lol good for you crank!


----------



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Did you get a reply?


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I'm telling you.....it was the picture :smthumbup: !!!!!!!!!!

  XOXO

:smthumbup: SEXY !!!!!!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> lol good for you crank!


thankya kindly 



LonelyNLost said:


> Did you get a reply?


nope, there was no need for her to reply, I mean, what could she say 'could you d/l them for me please' ,maybe, I would have replied 'No' 



rome2012 said:


> I'm telling you.....it was the picture :smthumbup: !!!!!!!!!!
> 
> XOXO
> 
> :smthumbup: SEXY !!!!!!!! :smthumbup:


hehehehehe, who would know what goes on inside that womans head 

The balance of power has been taken away from her.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

HAHA Reclaim your power, Crank!! It's a great feeling, isn't it?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> HAHA Reclaim your power, Crank!! It's a great feeling, isn't it?


for sure JB, for sure, and you know, it has not been till I decided (with the help of a few people from here I might add! and I am pretty they know who they are !) to move on and live my life the way I want / need to.

Dropped in at my old work today, the boss & the big boss were both there, so I thought I had better go up stairs and say a quick hello, was up there chatting with them for 1/2hr, they both commented on how good I looked compared to how I was 3 months ago, and both asked if I was coming to the Friday lunch BBQ, I couldn't refuse 

And FWIW, facebook & PoF have been a huge moral booster for me, may not be everyones cup of tea, but hey !


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That is so awesome. Seriously... it's like when you learn to let go and accept your situation for it it is, you feel lightyears better and people even notice you LOOK better. Great stuff


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

SHE will notice too when she sees you crank...her jaw will drop. 
I'm truly happy for you crank,things are looking better and better:smthumbup:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> That is so awesome. Seriously... it's like when you learn to let go and accept your situation for it it is, you feel lightyears better and people even notice you LOOK better. Great stuff


Thats for sure, I feel much better with my self image, and that helps attitude hugely


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> SHE will notice too when she sees you crank...her jaw will drop.


Thanks V :blush:

But ya know, that all good and fine, but really, I am not sure whether or not I care what her reaction will / would be



> I'm truly happy for you crank,things are looking better and better:smthumbup:


Yep, from here they sure look on the up & up


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

So, in the mail today is the paperwork, with a self addressed & stamped envelope, addressed to tanya sand****, so first thing I did was cross out the surname and wrote her maiden name.
(hey, she doesn't want to be married to me, so she can stop using *my* surname!)

none of the paper work had been filled out, not my problem, I signed & dated it, which is exactly what I said I would do, no more, no less, put it into the new envelope & will post it off when I get the time, besides, I may have just deleted the email that she sent that had all the car details.


----------



## crusheddreams (Apr 6, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> so first thing I did was cross out the surname and wrote her maiden name.
> (hey, she doesn't want to be married to me, so she can stop using *my* surname!)


LOL funny as.. way to go.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

crusheddreams said:


> LOL funny as.. way to go.


yeah, guess so 

I guess she may get pissed off, but if she does, and says anything, she will get told what I wrote above


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is it the divorce papers you filled out and mailed to her?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Is it the divorce papers you filled out and mailed to her?


na, just transfer of registration papers for the her car, was registered in my name


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

ooopppppssss, my bad 
_forgot_ to put my license number on the transfer forms

OK, maybe I didn't really forget, but I didn't say anything about doing that 

w sent me a txt a few thanking me for returning the papers so quickly (no mention of her maiden name on the envelope) and asking if I could sms the license number 'please'

I was quite busy, what with work, coffee and all, sent it 10 minutes ago. Damn I am such a nice person sometimes 

She is starting to learn that being pleasant, and using manners, is a better way to go.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That is good she and you are being so cordial to one another. It really does make everything 10x better


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> That is good she and you are being so cordial to one another. It really does make everything 10x better


mediation starts, had a session tonight, it is, for me, about access to my kids, not sure if she is going to try pushing for the sale of the house or not :shrug:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

going to draft a letter to ex w tonight, basically telling her to pick the rest of her stuff up over the east break, I will be away with my kids, or it goes to the op shop / rubbish tip when I get back.

draft:
to :Tanya R(blah)
tanya.s(blah blah)

Tanya,

as you are aware, Joanne, Scott and I are going camping for a couple of days over the Easter break, at this stage I do not know if you are still going to allow Daniel & Justin to join us.

While I am away from Balmoral street that provides you with an opportunity to collect your belongings that are on the front porch, and the potted plants that are at the front of the house, without fear of 'bumping' into me.

When I get back, anything or yours that is left will be sent off to an op shop, or the tip as you obviously do not want those items.

For obvious reason the locks on the doors have been changed.

Also, I no longer have your mobile number as it seemed a waste of space on my phone as you rarely reply to an sms message, and do not answer it when you see it is me calling.

end draft

I was going to put something in about the house locks being changed due to me having no trust in her because of her words & actions over the last 18 months, and in particularly the last 3 months, not too sure yet if I will add that :shrug:

thoughts ?


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

I wouldn't even put in the bit about not having her mobile number anymore. And don't even mention the changed locks, let her find it out the hard way.


----------



## Momof2inMT (Apr 9, 2011)

I totally agree with Babyheart. Just like there's no need to mention anything like like because it should be obvious. If it isn't obvious, then like she said, she'll find out the hard way. You have no obligation to tell her the locks were changed, and if she tries to get in the house even though all of her stuff is outside, then she NEEDS to find out the hard way.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Baby & Momof2inMT, thoughts appreciated and taken into consideration (and acted upon)

cya


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Been a while since an update, so, here it is.

Ex still playing the silence game, still making it difficult to see my youngest boys, no surprise.

Mediation session in a couple of weeks about regular access visits / phone calls with Dan & Jus.
My wants, see my boys on a regular basis.
Her wants - who the f**k cares.

Started a new job, loving it, great bunch of people I work with.
Met a nice lady a weeks ago, we going to the circus today, should be fun, I like a good circus.

Kleenex Tissues just posted a projected profit loss as I am now not buying tissues like I use to 

Have started to find out about a thing called a life (must be a self help video on youtube about how / where to get one I bet, I did check the local hardware store, they didn't have any in stock, and were not sure where I could get one from)

Thats about it for the time being


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear you ar alive & well in the Oz! 

Hope your wife and you can come to an agreement re: your kids soon. That sounds really tough and I imagine you really want to see them soon. 

Kudos on the job. Have fun at the circus


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> Started a new job, loving it, great bunch of people I work with.
> Met a nice lady a weeks ago, we going to the circus today, should be fun, I like a good circus.
> 
> Kleenex Tissues just posted a projected profit loss as I am now not buying tissues like I use to
> ...


I think your wife is obviously a bitter and unhappy person as she won't even let you see your own kids without a hassle. 

To your credit, you've developed quite the sense of humor! That's a good thing because they say laughing is the best therapy. I have satellite radio in my work truck and found the best comedy channel to listen to and it really helps to LOL while working! :smthumbup: :rofl: 

I like how so many I "know" are doing better. I put the top down on the Jeep this past weekend so life is definitely getting better. What could be better than driving around in the sun with the top down?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Glad to hear you ar alive & well in the Oz!


Ta JB 



> Hope your wife and you can come to an agreement re: your kids soon. That sounds really tough and I imagine you really want to see them soon.


She wont have any choice, the mediation will be all slanted towards me, the law is on my side etc.



> Kudos on the job. Have fun at the circus


Job is good, had a ball at the circus Lea & her daughter had a fantastic time, was the first time her daughter had been to a circus


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I think your wife is obviously a bitter and unhappy person as she won't even let you see your own kids without a hassle.


This from one of the latest emails from her:

I had hoped to discuss contact between you and the children in mediation on the 24th. The purpose of the mediation is to assist us to work out the problems and come to an agreement. It is also designed to help us to focus on what is in the children's best interests and act accordingly. I do not think it is a good idea at this time for us to try and make any arrangements without the assistance of a mediator. So on this occasion I am suggesting that we take a raincheck on the kids visiting you.

In the interim, I would like you to consider the following: 

I believe that it is in the children's best interests to maintain a relationship with you, provided it is a physically safe and emotionally healthy father/child relationship. I do not think that the current relationship fits this criteria and I am worried about the effect on the children.

*It appears you are still experiencing some difficulties with your health.* I have spoken to medical and legal professionals, and they have advised me to seek reassurance that you are medically fit to have the children unsupervised. I know this is something that is going to upset you, and I apologise. However, the children's safety is a priority for me. I have been advised that I can ask you to provide a letter from your treating psychologist or psychiatrist stating a) how long they have been seeing you and b) that in their opinion your are fit and well enough to be safely looking after children. To provide such a letter will go a long way to reaching a solution that suits us all.

part of my reply was along the lines of 'if you are going to pay for the visit to a psychologist or psychiatrist, and that her mother (a child care worker) and her father (a retired policeman) are not medical or legal professionals 



> To your credit, you've developed quite the sense of humor!


Actually, not developed, but getting it back 



> That's a good thing because they say laughing is the best therapy. I have satellite radio in my work truck and found the best comedy channel to listen to and it really helps to LOL while working! :smthumbup: :rofl:






> I like how so many I "know" are doing better.


Mostly from the support of people like yourself Freak 



> I put the top down on the Jeep this past weekend so life is definitely getting better. What could be better than driving around in the sun with the top down?


As long as you are not getting sunburnt, not much


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*More faked concer from the ex *

Latest email, I bet she doesn't think I show these to my support network 

Date: Tue, 17 May 2011 21:18:49 +1000

Subject: Re: access
From: tanya.s
To: logic

I have received your emails of Friday, May 13, and Monday, May 16.

I hear you when you say your are disappointed, and see that you direct alot of anger toward me for what you perceive has happened. I understand that you are feeling frustrated right now. You are not getting the responses you want or expect. In addition, you are not getting those responses within the timeframe you set. 

Please consider speaking to someone within your support services, they will be able to help you work through these issues.


My response:

1)you have demanded answers from me, and persisted till I gave you an answer that *you* wanted, for example, having another adult present when I had my sons, I ask a couple of questions nicely, and you ignore them, double standards are all you practice.

2) The only time you have responded to an email /sms in a timely fashion was when I have put a time frame, if you hadn't answered within x days something was going to be done that you may not liked. I am quite surprised that you have taken the 5 minutes to respond at all, I note that you do not address any of the questions I asked, or anything else for that matter.

3) I wonder how I can make it any clearer that I am not angry. You hear disappointed, but convert that to anger, you are the one who has been, and still is, angry. I did suggest some time ago that it would help you to see a councilor, be aware that you mother isin't a councilor, to help you deal with the decisions you have made.

"what you perceive has happened", lets have a look at that, shall we.

"Disappointed that the person I spent over 20 years of my life with, the person I trusted more than anyone else, the person that I once loved, the person that I would have done anything for, dropped me like a hot potato just when I needed their support the most. "

Seems pretty clearcut that is exactly what happened, do you disagree ?

"The person that said time and time again that they would never make access to the kids difficult."

Seems pretty clearcut that is exactly what is happening, do you disagree?

"The person that said time and time again that they would never go after maintenance"

Seems pretty clearcut that is exactly what you have done, do you disagree ?

"The person that said time and time again they loved me"

you yourself said that you hadn't loved me for more than 18 months, yet time after time, right up till about 6 months ago, when saying goodnight, you would look me in the eye and say "I love you', then grab me buy the shirt, hold me, look me straight in the eye and say, with conviction, I love you', do you disagree ?

"The person that has made it difficult for me to trust others."

It is pretty cleacut that is what has happened, do you disagree ?
(note, this part is not in the email reply, but I have an incredible amount of trust in my TAM family)
"The person that said they were not having an affair"

Seems pretty clearcut that you were / are, doesn't it, do you disagree ?

"The person whose apologies carry as much weight as their promises."

You saying sorry for thinking you were going to upset me, come now, we both know you do not care about me one way or the other.

We both know the policy of your family of cutting all ties, having nothing to do with ex partners, how you could think that I would believe any compassion from you towards me, especially after what you have done to this family, is completely beyond me, it has only been the last couple of emails from you where you have changed your tactic of aggression towards me, Do you disagree?

"The person that lied."
Now, come on, you cannot dent that.

Time to drop the fake concern, it does not suit you at all, we both know you do not care about me or my health one way or the other.

Your only concern is how you can go about completely cutting ties without coming across as being the total ***** to you 'friends'

You seem to have some kind of unhealthy fixation about what support services I have made, or am making use of, you are no longer my wife, not an outcome that I wanted or had ever considered, that is a decision you made, you have made it very very clear that the marriage is over, you did write "we have had this conversation. We are over. No chance of getting back together."

We both know that this fixation with my health is what you are using to justify not allowing my sons to spend time with me.

What you understand is what you think may be the right words to say, I have told you that you do not know me, please stop thinking that you do.

Perhaps you might have read this on my FB page.

"If you think you knew me, from days gone past, then you do not really know me now at all, maybe we should meet again, but then again, maybe I don't want to meet you ever again..."

FWIW, and I know you don't care, physically I am in better condition and overall health than I was 15 years ago. Mentally I have accepted what *you* have done, and the only conflict I have is the deliberate acts by you to restrict access to my sons, and that hurts them far more than you could ever imagine, perhaps you out to think about that.

:end

I had considered to referring to her, in the reply, by her maiden name, but decided against that 

Anyway, looking forward to a very nice roast dinner and bottle of quite nice wine, with my girls (Lea & Belle, Belle will not be drinking the wine !) tomorrow night


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*And so it continues.*

Date: Wed, 18 May 2011 22:08:41 +1000
Subject: Re: access
From: tanya.s
To: logic_3

I have received your email of Tue, May 17

I understand that you blame me for everything, and that you need to tell me that. You want to be the victim. I also get that you want me to respond in kind, defend myself and have an argument. I know that you believe that I am a bad person, and want me - and everyone else to think the same.

If you don't want to speak to someone who can help you, that is of course your decision. However, you cannot continue emailing me every other day with your issues. I am not able to help you, and I am not going to argue with you. 

I will only be checking this email account once per week now, maybe on a Wednesday or Thursday evening after the children are in bed. I am asking that you only email me if you have geniune suggestions for the future.


My reply:
You understand nothing then, nothing at all.

I wonder how many times, how many different way, I need to tell you before you understand that you do not know me at all, you are still under the impression that I am the same person, with the same mindset, I was when we were together.

Blame, no, not playing the blame game at all. It takes two to make a marriage work, I already told you I know what I did wrong, I apologised for what I failed to do for to make our marriage a happier one, I know what my short comings were.

I *was* the victim, of that there can be no doubt, defend yourself, no, honestly answer some very simple questions, yes, I believe I deserve that, I know that will never happen though.

I make no judgement call on whether you are a good person or not, I know what you have said about the likes of Linda D etc behind their backs, maybe it is some guilt thing that you feel the need to defend yourself.

You made a number accusations, I responded and asked simple question to each response, which, as is to be expected of you, you have ignored.

I am sure I told you what I do or do not do is no longer any of your concern, why you continue along that line, which has only been the last couple of weeks, is beyond me, maybe some sort of guilt thing, or maybe you are trying to show misplaced, fake concern, because we are both well aware that you do not care one way or the other about me or my health.

If I am not mistake, it was *you* that started this email exchange with your long winded explanation as to why you were, once again, denying my sons the chance to spend time with their father, when a simple 'no' would have been much easier, and so much less time consuming for you.

I expect that very soon it will be 'checking once a month', then close the account, your choice, after all, you continue to refuse to supply me with the landline number so that I can speak to my sons, you are aware that I no longer have a mobile number for you so why continue to allow this means of contact at all ?

I ask that you do not continue to bother me with you fake concern for my well being.

As for suggestions for the future, be they genuine or not, I have heard nothing from you other than unjust demands of me before you would allow my sons to spend time with me.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Just read my first few posts again, and the last few posts, almost 2 different people, for that, my heart felt thanks goes to each and every one of my TAM family 

2 days to go before mediation sessions start for real, thats going to be fun times lol

Stay safe, and stay strong people of TAM


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hello Crank ::waves to you::

For anonymity's sake, I would delete/remove the email addresses in your above post so nobody starts spamming you or wife and/or using your emails for weird things. 

Good that you are getting mediation soon.

My advice is to stop emailing her altogehter. You are just chasing rabbit holes. It's done. Over. Finito. Only discuss the D at this point.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I agree. Stop emailing her. There will be no sudden "eureka" on her side, and it only serves to perpetuate the pain on your side. 

I STRONGLY suggest that you go to mediation armed with a medical report (showing you have a clean bill of health), a psychological exam (showing your are mentally and emotionally fit and healthy), and then request custody of your children based on her CLEAR actions to alienate you from your own children. Request that they live with you have that visitation with her is scheduled only (like "Wednesday night and every other weekend"). 

In every other thing, I suggest that you propose something that is "reasonable" according to the law of your state (a "reasonable" division of assets, debts, child support, etc.) and that you have documentation to back up your reasonable suggestions. THEN you will look like the person who is reasonable and she will look like the person who is acting out of hate and spite (which she is). 

The goal here is to appear the most "reasonable" and to not look as if you are responding to her at all. Like this: "I am completely healthy and mentally sound. I have a financial suggestion that is within the laws of the state. I have a plan for the children that encourages a healthy relationship with their mother. SHE can not say any of the above."


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Affaircare said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> I agree. Stop emailing her. There will be no sudden "eureka" on her side, and it only serves to perpetuate the pain on your side.


 understand what you are saying 



> I STRONGLY suggest that you go to mediation armed with a medical report (showing you have a clean bill of health), a psychological exam (showing your are mentally and emotionally fit and healthy), and then request custody of your children based on her CLEAR actions to alienate you from your own children. Request that they live with you have that visitation with her is scheduled only (like "Wednesday night and every other weekend").


I actually do not believe that would be in the best interest of the children to be living with me full time, strange as that may sound, and I have a letter here from the shrink I was seeing 



> In every other thing, I suggest that you propose something that is "reasonable" according to the law of your state (a "reasonable" division of assets, debts, child support, etc.) and that you have documentation to back up your reasonable suggestions. THEN you will look like the person who is reasonable and she will look like the person who is acting out of hate and spite (which she is).


Among the shocks to the system from her, there is a (good) chance that she has abandoned the house, there are no debts, child support to the letter of the law is being paid.



> The goal here is to appear the most "reasonable" and to not look as if you are responding to her at all. Like this: "I am completely healthy and mentally sound. I have a financial suggestion that is within the laws of the state. I have a plan for the children that encourages a healthy relationship with their mother. SHE can not say any of the above."


All emails between us have been printed (and sms messages), and are for the mediators, they show that she has refused to allow the boys to spend time with me, she cut communication etc etc etc.
Anyway, 2 days to go for the fun & games, and hey, thanks for the input


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Hello Crank ::waves to you::
> 
> For anonymity's sake, I would delete/remove the email addresses in your above post so nobody starts spamming you or wife and/or using your emails for weird things.
> 
> ...


Hiya JB

the reason for her latest emails are to show she is being reasonable, and is concerned for my health, and thats the reason why she has refused to allow the kids to spend time with me, to ignore them would have been giving her ammunition to use against me. All email /sms between us has been printed out and is for the mediators to read.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

1st mediation session, I get to spend every 2nd Sunday with my kids, I will be attempting to increase that to every 2nd weekend in due course, at least one more mediation session to go, maintenance & selling the house.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear you are going to be able to see your kids


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Glad to hear you are going to be able to see your kids


Just a matter of when this will start, couple of interesting emails from her, I shall reply in due course, no great hurry 

At the moment I am still in the house, not too sure how long this will last, she hasn't made too many noises about selling, I sort of think she doesn't want to be seen as the one forcing the sale of the house, and for as long as I am here I get to save some $$ that will be needed for a rental.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

*latest email from ex *

this is relating to me being able to see my kids on a regular basis:

_As I said in mediation, all that I am seeking is reassurance from your treating health professional that you are ok to be looking after the children on your own. 

My concerns are that you have had a major psychological trauma. You proved that you do not value your own life. I have done some research based on what the CAT team told me, and written information they provided. I have also been in touch with BeyondBlue who have been very helpful. You are, or were taking anti-psychotic drugs. I have also done some research on those, and are aware of the effects they can have on your thinking. I and others have observed your behaviour. Your emails to me, your Facebook posts and Facebook messages to Daniel have been informative as to your state of mind. I also consider that you have disposed of or destroyed everything that you could that belonged to me or might have meant something to me.

Is it so unreasonable to want some sort of reassurance that you are ok from someone who can make that determination? 

Wouldn't you want the same if the roles were reversed?

Would it be easier for you to go and speak to whoever you were seeing previously? They have your records, know your history and apparently agreed that you were well enough to stop treatment. It might save some time and allow us to reach agreement and begin regular visits sooner."_

She has no idea of what meds, if any, I had been on lol
anti-psychotic drugs, the dosage was 50mg to help me get into a regular sleep patten, 300+mg is what is prescribed for anti-psychotic useage. 

As for "belonged to me or might have meant something to me" part, she was given more than ample notice that items of hers would be disposed of, and given ample time to pick said items up.

oh well, wait a few days, reply to that one as well I suppose


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Hey Crank, just a quick note to let ya know I keep you in my thoughts mate. Keep on fighting the good fight.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Oak said:


> Hey Crank, just a quick note to let ya know I keep you in my thoughts mate. Keep on fighting the good fight.


G'day Oak, thanks mate, appreciate that, looks like I wont be getting to see the boys anytime soon, she doesn't want to pay the $125 per session, and it is at least another 2 or 3 sessions for the Mental Health Plan stuff. 

Grape vine tells me she may have a met someone, maybe I could pull the same sh*t on her that she has on me, he has to have a mental health plan done on him before she can introduce the boys to him, tit for tat lol

Anyways, replied to her, now waiting (well, not really) for a reply from her


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

latest email from ex, one more lie to cover the last one, just gets better and better.



I have received your three emails of 7 June 2011.

CHILDREN

I am sorry that you no longer wish to follow through on what was agreed in mediation. I understand that discussing your health is uncomfortable for you, however it does not make my concerns any less valid. On this occasion though it's all up to you, do what needs doing - or not. We can of course have the same conversations all over again about this in July/August.

Daniel and Justin have been told that I am waiting to hear from your doctors that you are well enough to have them, and following that you were going to let me know which weekend suited you to start regular visits. This is what was agreed at mediation.

You may have forgotten, but in my email of 25 February 2011 you were asked to pick a night during the week to call the boys and I would make sure they were around. At mediation you were reminded of this. Just in case, I will also remind you that Thursday and Friday are not suitable. 

FINANCIAL

There are no login, passwords or ATM cards to access the Offset Account, but you can go into a branch. For your records, the account number is ****** and the current balance stands at $6,887.73.

Today I have transferred $2,067.89 from the Offset Account to cover the payments of the home loan, council rates and house insurance that I have paid since 25.1.2011 as you agreed to in your last email.

I have spoken to ANZ and found that home loan repayments can be made directly from the Offset Account. It is quite possible that insurance and rates could also be paid from this account. Are you happy for me to look into it further and organise?

I have also found that the insurance I have been paying included contents, so am just advising that I have cancelled the contents part of the insurance and will only be paying the house insurance now.

Yes, I would like to be reimbursed for the gas and electricity bills that I paid for Balmoral Street.

I am happy to transfer the money to reimburse you for the single installment of council rates that you paid on 28.4.11 of $141.00 if you send me your account details.

As you are not including utilities in what I can get back, to be fair, the water bill can't be included in what you want back.

In relation to the other costs you mentioned, I do not agree to reimbursing you for those. I was not consulted and therefore did not agree to those costs before they were incurred. If you refer to my email of 21 February 2011, you will recall that you were asked to collect your belongings and leave, and that I would do a general cleanup once you had done that. I had a group of people on standby to come in and get everything done that needed to be done inside and out. You have chosen to reconnect utilities, move furniture in, redecorate and continue to live there for free.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Damn, she is pissed off, and I am her target:

_Tanya posted to After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love

Can anyone give any ideas or strategies for dealing with a Narc on an ongoing basis because he is the father of my children? I am going to have to deal with him on some level because at the moment he claims he wants to see the kids._

ho humm, cut me like a knife when I was shown that, I was like, WTH, now, still hurts, but after another councilling session I feel a little better.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Finally, after not having seen the boys for 4 months I am going to get to see them each week on Tuesday & Wednesday evenings for a few hours and every 2nd weekend.

I have been very quiet over the last few months, many things to consider & worry about, needed time to myself.
Have been able to get a job, full time, and am starting to actually save some $$, still ,living in the house, though for how long I am still unsure.
Got a letter from her solicitor a few weeks ago saying she wants 70% of the proceeds, ie: the house, the bank account, my retirement and that sent me into a downward spiral again. 
Have gotten back up from that and am trying to make some plans for my future. Bit hard when I do not know what sort of $$ I am going to be left, or how much longer I have in the house. 
Still, getting there slowly.
Will make an effort to get on here more often though


----------



## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> Finally, after not having seen the boys for 4 months I am going to get to see them each week on Tuesday & Wednesday evenings for a few hours and every 2nd weekend.
> 
> I have been very quiet over the last few months, many things to consider & worry about, needed time to myself.
> Have been able to get a job, full time, and am starting to actually save some $$, still ,living in the house, though for how long I am still unsure.
> ...


Yay! I'm so happy you get to see your boys!! GREAT NEWS!!

Hang in there w/the other stuff - you can do this!
Sounds like you're doing better 

Glad to hear it!

JAG


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

JustAGirl said:


> Yay! I'm so happy you get to see your boys!! GREAT NEWS!!
> 
> Hang in there w/the other stuff - you can do this!
> Sounds like you're doing better
> ...


Thanks JAG, yeah, getting there, fantastic result with the boys, another session in about 4 weeks, that will be about sale of house and proceeds.
fingers crossed !


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

This last week has been full of good news for me.

1st I find out that my mum left me about $8k, and my car is on the brink of dieing, so I will be able to buy another car.

2nd I am going to get to see my sons on a regular basis

3rd child support agency may not be taking my tax return after all
so I might get to be able to afford to go away for a week


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Awesome news, Crank. I am glad to see you doing so well and sounding so much better. Good news make the world go round!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Awesome news, Crank. I am glad to see you doing so well and sounding so much better. Good news make the world go round!


Hey JB, yeah, things are reasonable, still in the house, but not sure for how much longer, gues I will find out soon enough


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

So, where are things these days, every 2nd weekend for the boys, tho Dan has not been staying over night. 

Many accusations aimed at me, some one on this site, prob the ex, reading this thread, her friends being told untruths, friends of hers making accusations about me to friends of mine.

She cancelled mediation, no idea why, asked the question, no answer, as has become quite common.

All the while house prices around here are dropping drastically.

Still, the less I have to do with her, or her friends, the better, would have been nice to have had a full parenting plan done, and property settlement done before she cancelled mediation.

Less than a month to go before she can file for divorce. 
And I do expect her to file for divorce with in a day or two of the 26th Jan 2012

Over the last 11 months I have met many fantastic people, quite a few have become real life friends

Not a lot else to tell at this stage, stable employment, ex still doing her best to exert control over me, and, to a certain extent, succeeding.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Latest update:

Well, here we are, umm, 20 or so months down the track.
She cancelled mediation and took it to court instead. Pretty much everything I proposed in mediation she agreed to, so why take it to could, cost about $1200

She refused to discuss property settlement, decided to take that to court as well, 60/40 split as I expected (she gets the 60% plus a big chunk of my retirement fund!).
So far all up costs are about $10,000, I expect hers to be about the same.

House is now sold, market price hit rock bottom just when she decided to push for the place to be sold, so instead of about $460k the house sold for $380k

For the last couple of months I have had a friend and her 2 kids living here, a trial to see if we can share a house, all good and we are moving to a rental place in about 10 days, 12 month lease, good chance we will continue to house share, and renew the lease (we share bills, not beds !!!)

So, after 20 months of limbo, things are finally coming to a close for me. I have pretty much started my new life, have made some fantastic new friends.

To all those going thru similar / same, I say this to you, yes, things do get better, you do need to take some chances, move past your comfort zone.

If you are bored enough, read the whole thread, see where I was compared to where I am now.

"I Do not miss you, I miss the person you pretended to be"

Stay safe people, stay healthy, stay the path to happiness


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

well, almost 15,000 views, lots of comments & replies, hope this has all been of help to at least one person out there


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Almost 3 years since last message, currently living in a small flat by myself, has been suitable for what I need, all going well soon to be moving a little further north, warmer weather, nicer place, still single, thinking I shall remain single, lot less stress, somewhat happy with my own company


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you seeing your boys regularly?

Has your ex remarried?


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

have not seen or heard from them for about 2 years, the ex did a fine job of alienation


----------



## Upanddown (Sep 14, 2012)

Gday crankshaw 
Good to see you up and about 

Hopefully when the kids are older they will work out the truth its hard to fight alienation been there done that and got the t shirt 

Stay safe mate and enjoy the sunshine 

Go the blues!
Brad


----------

