# I need female advice/opinions



## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Howdy from Texas! I am a 44 year old man, together with my 40 year old wife, for 20 years, married for 15 with three children, ages 10, 7 & 5. My wife is extremely intelligent and absolutely gorgeous and I am probably even more crazy about her than I was 20 years ago. Lately, however, she has been depressed and extremely obsessed about her weight. So much so, that it is negatively affecting our relationship. In her profession, she is much older than her peers and thus, feels the pressure of not being as "in shape" as girls 15 years her junior. 

What puzzles me is this: I shower her with compliments and do everything I can to boost her self esteem. I do not have eyes for any other woman. My wife is everything to me and I hate to see her like this. My compliments and support, lately seem to have no affect on her. It's as if, she could care less about what I think. In fact, earlier tonight, when I was pointing out how beautiful her eyes were and how polished she is, her response was "yeah, but you're totally in love with me so you're going to think that anyway". I'm not sure she understood how that sounded, but I felt a little kicked in the gut. 

Our sex life is rocky at best. She seems to have little desire, but will give it to me if I want it, however it is strictly duty sex on her part. She will not let me touch her tummy, or even look at it for that matter as she is so damned self conscious. during sex, she covers her tummy up to hide it from me. She only has a little bump on her tummy and yet, she hates the way she looks. 

I absolutely do not understand it and not sure how to handle it. I told her, "If you were to shower ME with sincere compliments, show ME how attracted you were to me and how you only had eyes for me, I would be so happy, my head would explode. But she doesn't respond to it the way that I know I would, which makes me feel like she does not have the same feelings for me that I do for her. Then, upon analyzing the situation, during my alone time, I think that maybe I am being "too nice"? I am starting to feel like I am emasculating myself a little trying to prop her up, but with no results. It's making me depressed that I cannot help her and that now I am doubting our relationship. I have even had scary thoughts/worries that maybe it is some other man's opinion that she is upset/concerned about and not mine. I'm sort of spinning in the wind with this. 

Comments, opinions and advice are greatly appreciated.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Low self-esteem? Menopause? Mid-life crisis/depression? Stress?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I went through what your wife went through, only my husband never complimented me, ever. Validation from our spouse is very important but for some reason I don't understand validation from other people becomes vital as we adjust to the fact that we are no longer young women. So mid life crises maybe?

What can you do? Work on you. If you're not in shape, have a bit of a belly yourself then start working out. Do you two have a physically active lifestyle? Do either of you play any sports? (Golf is NOT a sport!) find a co-ed softball team or mixed doubles tennis.

I had the same issues with my flabby belly as your wife does. I've always had a belly even when I was in tip top shape. That's just the way my body is built and after having kids and a c section...nothing was going to get rid of it other than surgery and believe me if my husband would approve I'd do it in a heart beat! But I got to the point of acceptance. I finally figured a way to feel good about myself flaws and all. Self confidence is a hell of a lot more attractive than a flat belly! I'm 51 and I still don't like my belly but it doesn't prevent me from enjoying sex or feeling sexy.

Tell your wife she has to fight not to rip herself to shred over absurd body image expectations. Tell her she is beautiful and you love her belly. Remind her that her belly brought your kids into the world and you will always see her belly for the gifts it has brought to your life. Stand her in front of the mirror, place you hand over her belly and say this. Don't let her push you or your hand away. MAKE her accept your compliments and do this often. Tell her she is not allowed to feel badly about herself!

This is something I always wished my husband would do. I really really wanted him to help me feel good about my flawed body but it just wasn't something he new how to do, it wasn't even on his radar.

Lastly, don't take it personally. Body image is something women tend to have problems with much more often then men. You can help her but she is the one who has to do the work and let you help her.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

Rushwater said:


> Howdy from Texas! I am a 44 year old man, together with my 40 year old wife, for 20 years, married for 15 with three children, ages 10, 7 & 5. My wife is extremely intelligent and absolutely gorgeous and I am probably even more crazy about her than I was 20 years ago. Lately, however, she has been depressed and extremely obsessed about her weight. So much so, that it is negatively affecting our relationship. In her profession, she is much older than her peers and thus, feels the pressure of not being as "in shape" as girls 15 years her junior.
> 
> What puzzles me is this: I shower her with compliments and do everything I can to boost her self esteem. I do not have eyes for any other woman. My wife is everything to me and I hate to see her like this. My compliments and support, lately seem to have no affect on her. It's as if, she could care less about what I think. In fact, earlier tonight, when I was pointing out how beautiful her eyes were and how polished she is, her response was "yeah, but you're totally in love with me so you're going to think that anyway". I'm not sure she understood how that sounded, but I felt a little kicked in the gut.
> 
> ...


Hi,
I totally understand your wife. I am much younger and I had the same problem. She does not mean to be careless and you don't have to read into what she said - take it literally - she feels bad about herself and she will think your compliments are showing your love for her not how she feels about herself. Though she feels you are biased. 
You can't help her with compliments, the only thing will happen it will get worse
If you really, really want to help her I suggest you try to help her accomplish what she needs:
- She needs to be fit so for the belly I recommend pilates + slimming & toning creams;
- Also you can get her to the local gym club for swimming it will transform her in no time; 
- Try to eat healthier - and help her to do the same - vegetable juices (such as a combination of tomatoes, cucumber, green pepper and celery) will get you a long way;
I know what you said sounds like a fitness diary however I had the exact same problem with my husband - very few pounds have ruined our marriage - I felt bad, resentful because he was eating a lot around me, I hated how I looked and no amount of compliments could change that. Of course she hates sex because she does not love her body, help her feel sexy and your life will improve dramatically. 
However you should be very attentive how you approach this idea. I will say something like: I see you as beautiful as ever but I see you do not see yourself the same do you think if we do this and that and you will feel better? Like I want to do something for you because I love you ...etc. 
Hope it helps.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife sounds depressed. 

At her age there are little changes going on in her body that you probably do not notice. But she does. She is coming to terms with the idea that she's getting older. It's a rocky time for some.

I have sisters and friends who went through this at 40. I did not understand it at the time. But I went through it later.

How much time do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you doing things that you both enjoy?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I am a male so you are probably not looking for my advice but I am going through the same issues in my marriage. See if she is willing seek out IC. I do not want to speak for all men but I am a fixer. You tell me a problem I look for a solution. I signed up for dual gym memberships, bought a treadmill for the house.....now thinking back not the best idea. I love my wife from her feet to her head. I just don't not see what she sees. I think she is gorgeous. 
I agree with Elegirl. I see it as depression. It affects all aspects of our lives. She does not believe me when I say her body and her curves are beautiful....cause she hates the mirror and no matter what I say she doesn't buy it. Until she starts working on herself and loving herself it's just a cycle of ups and downs. I wish I could help my wife more cause she is such a good woman.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Whether or not she feels that you are sincere, she absolutely knows that she has you wrapped around her little finger, as they say.

I think there is a way to change her perception and the dynamics of your interaction. That is to do a 180. Start ignoring her, do not pay compliments, do not take her out to dinner, work on yourself both physically and emotionally, perhaps take some courses or learn a new skill, but basically, distance yourself. This will make her a little insecure about your slavish devotion, and she may stop taking you for granted. She may even begin to pursue you if she misses the attention and compliments. If that happens, you can gradually become more attentive, but never to the point you are now - keep some distance and mystery, to keep her interest.


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## Dredd (Apr 16, 2014)

Communication, you need to talk to her. Have a honest and transparent conversation. Ask her why she feels so insufficient, why she doesn't believe things that you say, or why your opinion no longer matters to her. Ask her if her desire has gone down, or if something about you has negatively affected her attraction and desire for you.

Talk to her.


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## GIM003 (Feb 5, 2014)

Rushwater said:


> I absolutely do not understand it and not sure how to handle it. I told her, "If you were to shower ME with sincere compliments, show ME how attracted you were to me and how you only had eyes for me, I would be so happy, my head would explode. But she doesn't respond to it the way that I know I would, which makes me feel like she does not have the same feelings for me that I do for her. Then, upon analyzing the situation, during my alone time, I think that maybe I am being "too nice"? I am starting to feel like I am emasculating myself a little trying to prop her up, but with no results. It's making me depressed that I cannot help her and that now I am doubting our relationship. I have even had scary thoughts/worries that maybe it is some other man's opinion that she is upset/concerned about and not mine. I'm sort of spinning in the wind with this.
> 
> Comments, opinions and advice are greatly appreciated.


I know you are looking for a female perspective, but I can so identify with what you are going through. I'm not sure that I can offer better advice than Anon in terms of what to do,

Instead, let me offer some advice on what not to do. DO NOT stop trying. I found it really discouraging when my wife brushed off my telling her that she was beautiful. It felt like she was disrespecting my taste in women and it almost seemed that it made her sad to hear my words. Gradually, I gave fewer and fewer compliments. This was not helpful, so don't do it.

Finally we talked about this; how it made her feel, how it made me feel. This should have happened much sooner.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Love her, slow down with the compliments, I don't mean stop, but don't overdue it, and advise her to see an Individual counselor. 

I understand you feel she may be trying to gain someone elses attention, but it could very well be just her hating herself right now. 

When I was with my hubby he thought I was a goddess, but I really wasn't. I was/am fat (working on it now), and I felt hideous, because I wasn't taking care of myself. I was depressed, but my story is different from yours. I was depressed and not taking care of myself because my husband made me feel like I was doing it for other men, so one day I gave up and years later it only hurt me and my self esteem. HE was loving it (he didn't have to worry about other ppl finding me beautiful because I didn't feel it). 

I am still overweight, but I am loving myself again because I started caring for myself!! That's all it took. Not his compliments, not the stares from other men, just the simple task of putting lotion on my skin, washing my face, and brushing my hair. lol.... 

In short, you cant do anything for her to feel better. She has to figure out what will make her feel better. If she feels bad then she needs to figure out what she can do to make her feel better.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GIM003 said:


> I know you are looking for a female perspective, but I can so identify with what you are going through. I'm not sure that I can offer better advice than Anon in terms of what to do,
> 
> Instead, let me offer some advice on what not to do. DO NOT stop trying. I found it really discouraging when my wife brushed off my telling her that she was beautiful. It *felt like she was disrespecting my taste in women *and it almost seemed that it made her sad to hear my words. Gradually, I gave fewer and fewer compliments. This was not helpful, so don't do it.
> 
> Finally we talked about this; how it made her feel, how it made me feel. This should have happened much sooner.


Wow the bolded part is so spot on!

That's why I think more husbands should be better about standing up for themselves.

My husband would sometimes complain that I brushed off the few nice things he did say, he knew I had better taste than him so he just let it go. WRONG WRONG WRONG!

How dare she try to make you feel like you don't know what you're talking about!

Correct that misinformed POV!


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## magenta (Feb 20, 2014)

I have done the same thing when my husband compliments me. It's kind of like when my mom would compliment me...all moms think they're kids are wonderful. They have mom bias. It's not an objective opinion. 

I am not sure if my husband is trying to make me feel better with compliments or if he is being genuine. And if he is being genuine, how can he not see what I see?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

How often do you two take out photos from when she was pregnant and just after the children were born (assuming that she was pregnant with them and gave birth to them, of course.)

I think this is helpful. I don't really need photos but I do know when I look at my kids I think how amazing it is that I gave birth to and nurtured three children. 

It's easy to forget about all this after your kids get a bit older and aren't hanging off of you all the time. You get out of "mommy" mode and think you will reclaim your former body at last, being done with your child-producing years. 

Only then you find out your former body doesn't look or feel the same as it used to. Despite how good it looks to someone else.

I think this is a process. Eventually she will reach the conclusion that she needs to do what she can, from a pragmatic approach...abdomen exercises, change of diet, even choice of lingerie for the bedroom, Spanx for when she wants some extra support under her sexiest clothing, bathing suits with support sewn in to the bottoms. 

The other thing she can do is to look for blogs of older women who took up weight lifting and body building when they were in mid life. These women can be a great inspiration and provide good reassurance that all is not lost simply because of age.

As for the bedroom, turn out the light. Use a candle. Don't look there, don't touch there. She doesn't like it. Don't try to make her like it. It's not about rational, it's not about how you feel, it's about what she needs to not feel bad. If she's pushed you away from her stomach once, once should be enough.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Wow, a lot of responses. Where do I start?

OK, 827Aug: 
Yes, definitely some low self esteem issues, but no on Menopause.

Anon Pink:
I am not in "picture" perfect shape, but I am a cyclist and do pretty well for myself. The wife's career intensity, unfortunately, prevents much time for her to work out, but she could definitely do more. HOWEVER, there is NO WAY IN HELL that I'm going to tell her that. I have done everything that I can think of to show her that I think she is gorgeous and her belly doesn't bother me in the least. I told her that I will french kiss it every night as I just love being close to her. I really could care less about it. To me, she is hot from head to toe. 

edgya1234:
Yes, no doubt, my wife feels that I am biased. I suppose her nullifying my compliments bothers me as I would think that my opinion of her would be the most important as her opinion of me is the most important to me! But, my opinion/compliments just go in one ear and out of the other. As far as our eating habits are concerned, I have no trouble shutting off the junk food, when I think I am getting flabby. I typically only eat chicken and salad anyway. The wife, however, has a much more difficult time flipping the switch. If I were to try to influence or augment her diet, she will get defensive and borderline offended. She knows what needs to be done. I just want her to know that I love her AND her looks, no matter what. For the record, she really is not in bad shape which is what makes this so frustrating. She is really hard on herself.


EleGirl:
Yes, she is absolutely depressed..... but said depression is purely about her self image, period. She feels inadequate around her peers. She is a drug rep, and older that most. When her company has statewide sales meetings, she dreads it because she feels the younger female reps are highly critical of her (Women can be so damned cruel to each other)! Performance-wise, she is the highest grossing rep in her region, every month. Thus drawing the jealous criticism from younger, less successful female reps. My wife and I actually spend quite a bit of time together. Many date nights, ballroom dancing among other activities. BTW, when I was a kid in the 80's, I thought ball room dancing was gay... and now I LOVE IT!!!!

richie33:
Yes, I have thought about approaching her about individual counseling, and I probably will. I did want to see what you all, on this board thought about this issue first, before a made a plan of action. But, your wife and her reaction to your praise sounds identical to my wife. I think she is sexy from head to her toes... and I mean that LITERALLY!

Married but Happy:
yes, I am well aware of the "180" and what is required. I have already done the ignoring deal and censored my compliments, but that really backfired in that she felt abandoned and even more depressed. However, I am assuming that you interpreted my vast amount of compliments to her as me being "wrapped around her little finger". But, my wife is also aware that I can shut her out as quickly as shutting a window if things were to really go south. Part of this struggle with her looks, as she said to me this morning, is that she is worried that I might "leave" her. I have a very tender, loving and longstanding marriage with this woman. The last thing that she needs right now, is to be ignored. She didn't cheat on me. That being said, I do appreciate the insight.


Dredd,
Typically, communication with the wife has been excellent for the entire 20 years of our relationship which is why I suppose we have done so well... We had one road bump about 14 months ago, which stemmed from bad communication, but otherwise, we talk things out pretty well. This situation, however, seems out of my league. I am male, thus, in her mind, I cannot possibly relate. As far as her desire, she states that she is LD and it is hormonal. She went to see an endocrinologist who tested her. Apparently, her testosterone levels are TOO high. The endocrinologist said that this is not common, but when it is TOO high in women, it actually kills their drive. She swears that it is not the way I look, but who the hell knows for sure? I feel pretty good about myself, but I might be a complete troll to women. Every three or four months, her sex drive surges and she wants me multiple times in one day, and then BOOM! Dryspell, for months. Like I said, however, she loves me and will let me have it pretty much whenever I want it, but it is purely one way (which depresses me).

GIM003:
I am very much in love with my wife and thus, will not stop trying. I agree about being brushed off and how it is discouraging. And I have told myself several times to censor it, but then I see her being down on herself and my heart nearly bursts and I want to pick her up and reassure her. I'm not even sugar coating my compliments.. I MEAN EVERY ONE!
I never felt like she was "disrespecting my taste in women". Rather, it made me feel like she did not value my opinion (ie. take me for granted).

Magenta:
Spot on! When you said, "how can he not see what I see", the first thing I thought was "I DO SEE WHAT YOU SEE, AND I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU ARE STUNNING!!" But, like you said... "not an objective opinion".

Homemaker:
We already turn out the lights per her request, but we have ancillary light from the ensuite emitting into the bedroom... AS I WANT TO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON!!!! I love looking at my wife! Sheesh! But during "relations", she covers her belly and will not let me see it or even touch it. Weird.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Support her, let her lose the weight the way she sees good for her and support that. She will not listen to your compliments because like she said you are her husband and would say this to hr even if she was overweight, probably her thinking. I really don't think it is a big deal.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

What's not a big deal? A woman struggling with body image issues and self esteem issues?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Self-esteem, depression, self-image issues are all struggles we face. Who is to say any of these are her issue. Perhaps she is a bit self-conscience, I see nothing wrong with that. Perhaps she is feeling she is too heavy and as long as she not suffering from anorexia I see nothing wrong with wanting to shed a couple pounds. I suggest to the OP to have a heart to heart with his wife. We here are only guessing.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

So depression only affects the person who is depressed? Maybe you should re-read the OP post. As long as she is not anorexic you see no problem....wow.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

richie33 said:


> So depression only affects the person who is depressed? Maybe you should re-read the OP post. As long as she is not anorexic you see no problem....wow.


Reread.....my thought still is that OP needs to talk to his wife. I think you have kind of misconstrued what I was trying to say. Husband thinks this is impacting the relationship but does he really know what is actually in her thought process. Unless he speaks with her and asks her and she is willing to share this is all guessing. If this is making a serious impact on the marriage and OP is concerned perhaps he could even suggest marriage counseling.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Rushwater said:


> Wow, a lot of responses. Where do I start?
> 
> OK, 827Aug:
> Yes, definitely some low self esteem issues, but no on Menopause.
> ...


This appears to be a MLC. Your DW is extremely vulnerable at this time. We all need validation from the people in our lives. However, if that need for validation is excessive, such that our self-esteem is based on external validation.... this is called contingent self-esteem and it is extremely fragile. 

The whole process of working through a MLC is for the person to determine that "they are enough". (Brene Brown) Your job as the DH is to support this process because you cannot and should not try to do the work for your DW. The very best thing you can do is to encourage good IC. (having a guide on this journey helps immensely). You cannot 5LL her out of a MLC, so keep doing what you have been doing, and dial it back if you are trying to overcompensate. 

Tell her the following: 
1) This is a time of discovery 
2) There is going to be confusion
3) You love her and will support her as she works though this

Very clearly articulate your boundaries and be prepared to enforce them without deviation or exception.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Whether or not she feels that you are sincere, she absolutely knows that she has you wrapped around her little finger, as they say.
> 
> I think there is a way to change her perception and the dynamics of your interaction. That is to do a 180. Start ignoring her, do not pay compliments, do not take her out to dinner, work on yourself both physically and emotionally, perhaps take some courses or learn a new skill, but basically, distance yourself. This will make her a little insecure about your slavish devotion, and she may stop taking you for granted. She may even begin to pursue you if she misses the attention and compliments. If that happens, you can gradually become more attentive, but never to the point you are now - keep some distance and mystery, to keep her interest.


No, no, no.

This is really bad advice.

Your wife is not doing this to hurt you. This is her issue and she needs support, not emotional abandonment. I don't know if this is an MLC but it is something many of us go through as we age and are bombarded with societal expectations and moving into the realm of invisible (not to our spouse but others). For someone used to the power associated with being seen as attractive, it can be humbling and very discouraging.

Have you asked (repeatedly and in different ways) what she would like you to do to help? I am sure your compliments are sincere but she may not be. Maybe rely more on action. Just gentle sexy touches as you pass her by (not on the belly as she is too sensitive about that), reinforce that you think she is a sexy partner (not co parent).


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Sounds to me like your wife is caught up into caring WAY too much about other people's opinion about her.

Tell her that is completely out of control

Also tell her that HER life, YOUR life and your families life will be SO much easier if she just ignored those that play 0 part of her life (that includes EVERYONE at her job).


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Rushwater, I avoided saying this earlier but I feel I have to say something here. When I read your original post what I was reading was your perspective of the situation. Had my husband made a post to this site his perspective on the situation at hand might be far from my own personal feelings on the subject and that is why my response.

I think it is great that you are concerned about your wife but first and foremost you have to communicate with your wife. let her tell you what she is feeling. Coming here without talking to her on a subject like this is only guess work on everyone's part.

The responses here were a good support for you and they gave good advise if the problem is indeed as you have indicated. There is other possible scenarios however. Perhaps she is not happy with the marriage and she is having sex to please you but hiding part of her body to protect herself from being completely vulnerable to you. You see what I am saying here?

Communicate, ask her what she is feeling.

Support her.

Once you have done that, come back. I would be interested in her response.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

DoF said:


> Sounds to me like your wife is caught up into caring WAY too much about other people's opinion about her.
> 
> Tell her that is completely out of control
> 
> Also tell her that HER life, YOUR life and your families life will be SO much easier if she just ignored those that play 0 part of her life (that includes EVERYONE at her job).


Tell, tell, tell. So very authoritarian. This is a wife, not a child.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Haven't read all the replies so this might've been said. Her self confidence can only come from within. You cannot boost it for her. When I feel crap about myself, compliments mean nothing to me because I don't like how I look and so struggle to believe it's true when someone else does. 

The best thing you can do is stop trying to boost her ego. Love her, cherish her as you always have, but don't try to tell her she's wrong when she complains about her looks, don't comment at all. If she asks for your opinion on how she looks, go for a broad "I'd do you" sort of comment, because that's true, and she can't argue with you.

You can't fix this, stop trying. She's not a broken pot you can glue back together with compliments. Accept that she's going through a ****ty time. Don't take it personally that she can't accept all your compliments at face value because if she can't see herself that way, how on earth do you think it's possible she can accept them as truth from anyone else?

Just wanted to clarify the last thought: You see a person and you think, 'they are NOT attractive' but your spouse says they think that person IS attractive. You can acknowledge their opinion, but does it mean you have to change yours, or even CAN change yours? People can feel loved an appreciated in other ways though, through touch and smiles and special gestures. Maybe you could focus less on the physical for a while, which might also help to stop her thinking about it so much.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Do you look at pornography at all? Have you in the past?


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## Mzflower (Aug 3, 2013)

Hi Rush, it's been awhile. 

Sorry you are here. I know her industry well and know just what she is going through. Hope it passes soon, for both of you. 

Lots of great replies here. Counselling might be great if she will go. It could help with her self esteem right now. 

I love when my partner asks me to join him to try something new or just join him on his regular roller blading routine. This summer we are signing up for paddle boarding together. Maybe something new together that combines physical activity will help her feel better. 

Keep us posted and you know I'll be rooting for you both.

Cheers my friend.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Fenix said:


> Tell, tell, tell. So very authoritarian. This is a wife, not a child.


Yes, talking is part of communicating.


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## lucyloo (Dec 3, 2013)

Rushwater said:


> Howdy from Texas! I am a 44 year old man, together with my 40 year old wife, for 20 years, married for 15 with three children, ages 10, 7 & 5. My wife is extremely intelligent and absolutely gorgeous and I am probably even more crazy about her than I was 20 years ago. Lately, however, she has been depressed and extremely obsessed about her weight. So much so, that it is negatively affecting our relationship. In her profession, she is much older than her peers and thus, feels the pressure of not being as "in shape" as girls 15 years her junior.
> 
> What puzzles me is this: I shower her with compliments and do everything I can to boost her self esteem. I do not have eyes for any other woman. My wife is everything to me and I hate to see her like this. My compliments and support, lately seem to have no affect on her. It's as if, she could care less about what I think. In fact, earlier tonight, when I was pointing out how beautiful her eyes were and how polished she is, her response was "yeah, but you're totally in love with me so you're going to think that anyway". I'm not sure she understood how that sounded, but I felt a little kicked in the gut.
> 
> ...


It doesn't matter how many compliments you give her, if she doesn't truly believe she is beautiful nothing you say will penetrate. 

She probably needs to speak to a therapist and get help.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

lucyloo said:


> It doesn't matter how many compliments you give her, if she doesn't truly believe she is beautiful nothing you say will penetrate.
> 
> She probably needs to speak to a therapist and get help.


Have you used pornography since you have been married?


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## wowzer (Aug 11, 2012)

I think the both of you need some serious help. Therapy. Jeeezzzz, looks aren't everything. Give up the stupid worrying over stupid looks. Be confident in WHO you are as a human being, and not based on looks.


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