# sleeping in separate beds



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Is the decision to sleep in separate beds the beginning of the end for sex?

The wife started sleeping alone about 15 years ago. I see it as the beginning of the slide in sexual frequency....


----------



## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

I don't see how it can be good for sex. Situations vary, but I wouldn't say this would be ideal.


----------



## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

Woodchuck said:


> Is the decision to sleep in separate beds the beginning of the end for sex?
> 
> The wife started sleeping alone about 15 years ago. I see it as the beginning of the slide in sexual frequency....


Probably depends on why.

My wife is a VERY light sleeper, wakes every time I roll over, and I roll over a lot sometimes. Since she has to get up earlier than me for work, she sometimes asks me to go sleep in another room. 

I have finally come to accept this, and it has NOT changed the frequency of sex. I even set my alarm so I can return to bed and we can maybe even have some fun before she goes to work. 

I used to HATE being kicked out of the bedroom, as it made me feel very unloved. (I was married for 30+ years to my ex, and even though we had a crappy relationship for 20+ years, we always slept together in a tight spoon position and slept through my tossing and turning). 

My wife, on the other hand, slept in separate beds from her husband for the bulk of her marriage. 

She is extremely sensitive to being touched, and if I brush her when I roll over, she wakes up instantly. I used to stress over it, but as i don't see this as any kind of a problem. As it is, I sincerely think she is trying to get enough sleep to be productive at work. 

When we first got together, we'd end up making love nearly every time I brushed her her, and she got zero sleep. That didn't last more than a couple of months, but it WAS very much fun while it lasted. :smthumbup: It turns out that spooning makes her immensely horny; I wish she wouldn't suppress it, but sometimes one has to sleep.

If I were to notice her kicking me out of the bed and then spending half the night surfing the web on a laptop or chatting on her phone, THEN I'd be pissed off.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Is the decision to sleep in separate beds the beginning of the end for sex?
> 
> The wife started sleeping alone about 15 years ago. I see it as the beginning of the slide in sexual frequency....


Doesn't that totally depend on the reason why the sleeping arrangements are separate?

My wife and I don't have separate living quarters, but up until recently we were on very different schedules. I was up late at nights, have been a light night dweller since I was a kid; I just tend to find sleep. So I very often fell asleep on the couch, failing more often than not to make it to the bed, to the point where for years I was sleeping more alone than in the bed.

Didn't affect our sex life at all.

Now if I was sleeping on the couch on purpose, in order to avoid my wife? Well that would be another matter entirely...


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I have a pouting room that I use probably every other night. I don't start the night out there - that would be prescription for and end to relations. We usually start out in the same room and I wind up leaving after she's fallen asleep. 

Given sex will always be on a weekend night after 10 before midnight event, it's had no impact other that allowing me a better night's sleep during the work week.

You can of course turn it into an excuse to avoid your mate, or vice versa. When used that way, it's more effective than the pill.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't sleep in the same bed as my husband. I have horrid neck issues that interrupt my sleep nightly. I have 3 sleeping areas.

This does not interfere with out sex life whatsoever. We have a very healthy intimate life.


----------



## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

It depends on the reason how this problem got started.


----------



## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Whatever helps you get a better nightsleep can help with the sex life. We just got Tempurpedic Twin XLs pushed together to make a king, but technically Ricki and Lucy beds. The separate remotes are great, and we can toss and turn and minimally bother each other. 

Not having to listen to your wife b***h ever morning about her aching back....priceless.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't really want to be married to someone who won't sleep with me. I think it's the beginning of the end of sex, but that's just part of it. There's so much more to sleeping together than sex.


----------



## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

My wife and I both snore. As a result, she now has her own bedroom and does not have to deal with my waking her up for sex. She sleeps very soundly and seems very content.


----------



## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

I have heard of couples who sleep in seperate rooms who say they are happy, so I guess it depends on the couple and the reason for it to say if it would affect the sex life or not. I couldn't see sleeping seperate from him, and luckily he feels the same.


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

We slept together for 30 years before she decided she couldn't stand my snoring....She now has her own bedroom......I think it is the easiest way to start the slide to a sexless marriage...

Having said that, I do enjoy the freedom of having my own bed to myself...


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I work strange shifts and come and go at all hours. This screws up the wife's sleep patterns. Also, she has to sleep with the TV and the lights on. Since no normal human can sleep that way, I crash in the spare bedroom frequently. I still love her. When it's time to have sex, we know how to find each other.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I work strange shifts and come and go at all hours. This screws up the wife's sleep patterns. Also, she has to sleep with the TV and the lights on. Since no normal human can sleep that way, I crash in the spare bedroom frequently. I still love her. When it's time to have sex, we know how to find each other.


You know where to find each other, but honestly does anyone go looking? If you're in separate beds, to have sex requires positive action. Someone has to get out of bed, go to the other room and initiate (and risk rejection). If you are in bed every night in various states of undress, and if being in bed that way is the rule, then the positive/affirmative action isn't required. You're already there, so it can start in a more passive way. I just think it's way more likely to happen if nobody has to get out of bed and go to the other room with their hand out.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You know where to find each other, but honestly does anyone go looking? If you're in separate beds, to have sex requires positive action. Someone has to get out of bed, go to the other room and initiate (and risk rejection). If you are in bed every night in various states of undress, and if being in bed that way is the rule, then the positive/affirmative action isn't required. You're already there, so it can start in a more passive way. I just think it's way more likely to happen if nobody has to get out of bed and go to the other room with their hand out.


On the other hand two people actually interested in sex won't think twice about taking "positive action". 

If you're to the point where you need to sleep in the same bed because you hope something might pop off, then you've got other problems.

All of this just comes off as "Maybe if we sleep together in the same bed she might actually consider laying me".

That just sound so desperate to me, and a much bigger issue than whether you share the same bed at night or not.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jaquen said:


> On the other hand two people actually interested in sex won't think twice about taking "positive action".
> 
> If you're to the point where you need to sleep in the same bed because you hope something might pop off, then you've got other problems.
> 
> ...


I think you know that the vast majority of men who post on this forum are in that situation, and sleeping in a separate room will make it worse, not better. Most people on this forum are not getting laid like tile.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I have posted on this forum that my wife and I have been sleeping on separate beds FOR YEARS.

But it has not affected our sex life, in fact the sex frequency has increased.
She has a problem during her sleep, her arms and legs are out stretched all over the place , and sometimes she snores.

I am a very light sleeper. So we usually get into bed together, do our stuff, she drops asleep on me and at midnight or whenever, I simply get up and remove her head and hands gently from me, and go into an adjacent room to sleep.
But, both doors remain open.
Funny thing is, even though I'm in the other room, if she gets up during the night to use the bathroom, I hear her footsteps.

But sleeping in separate beds doesn't necessarily mean less sex and intimacy.
It all depends on the reason.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

But you start out together correct?


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> But you start out together correct?


Yes.
We go to sleep together every night.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think you know that the vast majority of men who post on this forum are in that situation, and sleeping in a separate room will make it worse, not better. Most people on this forum are not getting laid like tile.


That's what I'm saying. It it's to that point, how much is sleeping in the same bed going to get you? A once in a while pity phuck just because you rubbed up against them enough that they finally throw a bone?

Reading your post just made me a little mad at the situation, that's all.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't want this neck injury at all, especially since it prevents me from sleeping with my husband.  Not to mention the severe pain is causes 24-7 and the physical disability it gives me.

Life is not fair.


----------



## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

If you snore there is a good chance you have sleep apnea. If you want to actually collect some of tha social security money you need to tell your doctor and have him order a sleep study. Ii did 8 years ago and discovered I was waking myself 40 times an hour. I have a CPAP and no snoring. Wife loves it and I don't wake up with bruises on my legs from the wife kicking me in the middle of the night.


----------



## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I don't want this neck injury at all, especially since it prevents me from sleeping with my husband.  Not to mention the severe pain is causes 24-7 and the physical disability it gives me.
> 
> Life is not fair.


I totally understand that. I have been living with severe chronic pain for the last 12 years. It has totally affected my marriage in negative ways only. If I had to do it again, I would not have had my surgery. This is when we started sleeping in separate beds and my sexless marriage began. Life is unfair!


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Tango said:


> I totally understand that. I have been living with severe chronic pain for the last 12 years. It has totally affected my marriage in negative ways only. If I had to do it again, I would not have had my surgery. This is when we started sleeping in separate beds and my sexless marriage began. Life is unfair!


I would be paralyzed for sure if I didn't have my surgery. I need another surgery, but the surgeons refuse to do it because of my age. I have 2 more neck herniations.

I hear back surgeries are usually unsuccessful.


----------



## JuanSizemore (Jun 6, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> We slept together for 30 years before she decided she couldn't stand my snoring....She now has her own bedroom......I think it is the easiest way to start the slide to a sexless marriage...
> 
> Having said that, I do enjoy the freedom of having my own bed to myself...


If I wanted to sleep in the bed by myself I would have never gotten married and just kept girlfriends that have their own places.
Their is so much more to sleeping with your partner than sex. I love the smell of my wife's hair, hearing her breathe and feeling her warmth.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

For many years our sleeping arrangements were messed up. Our older girl took five years to sleep thru the night. So she slept with us in a huge California King size bed. The younger liked the idea so for a while we swapped places sometimes. We had very good fun back then with such arrangements...


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Tango said:


> I totally understand that. I have been living with severe chronic pain for the last 12 years. It has totally affected my marriage in negative ways only. If I had to do it again, I would not have had my surgery. This is when we started sleeping in separate beds and my sexless marriage began. Life is unfair!


I also agree that life is unfair. I've only been in severe chronic pain for 1/2 the time as you. My husband has been extremely supportive since day one. Without his support, I'd be much more of a mess.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When I was still with STBX this only happened during quarrels. Ironically I actually had better sleep without her, and hell my sofa bed is even more comfortable, AND I could watch movies till late night without STBX nagging me! Heh AND I'm always conscious when sleeping with a woman, trained trait as I had a rather unforgiving first gf who hated it when I moved around too much. Much better to have a bed to yourself!

Still, during good times she always dragged me to her/our master bedroom. If I was to admit to her that I prefered sleeping alone she would have been hurt, so she did place an importance in sleeping in the same bed. She also insisted on a rule for us to sleep nude with only a few exceptions.

In the end, I didn't find it that important but she did. So hey, it depends on the spouse.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm a horrible sleeper. I wish I could be better for my H sake. The other day the A/C was up too high and I was too sleepy and cold to get up and cut it down. I woke up to him calling me like he was far away. I was under the cover with my head on his stomach lying perpendicular to the bed in a fetal position. I had no knowledge of getting under there at all.


----------



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

My DH and I sometimes sleep apart mainly when I've been pregnant, and it has not affected our sex life at all. You don't have to be in bed together to have sex. You just get creative and find other times/places to do it.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

If you are sleeping in different rooms, you can ensure that you continue dating and keep your personal upkeep tip top shape in a different space, keep things from wearing out as quick.

With that being said, my personal preference to this point has to be sleeping in the spoon position with the lover of my life. At least till i fall asleep.


----------

