# Texting is cheating



## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

HuffPost Divorce recently partnered with YouGov to poll 1,000 U.S. adults about what they consider to be adulterous behaviors –- and the answers may surprise you.

*A whopping 79 percent of people surveyed would consider it cheating if their partner sent sexy text messages* or pictures to someone else, and 60 percent said forming a deep emotional connection with someone other than their partner would constitute infidelity. Only 48 percent of people surveyed would consider it cheating if their partner kissed someone else on the lips; 26 percent would not consider it cheating and another 26 percent said they weren’t sure. 

What Is Cheating? HuffPost/YouGov Poll Addresses Adulterous Behaviors


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

I tend to agree sexy texts and pics are cheating. JMHO.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Well you're in the majority. When I got married nobody texted. Now I see texting as the single biggest threat to any relationship probably.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

"And how does that make you feel?"
That's the deciding factor. 
It's that feeling in the gut... where you know it just isn't right when you find out your spouse is doing "that."That ughy feeling of "someone forgot to invite me to the party and they're up to no good."
And for the WS, it's that delicious neurotransmitter thrill that you're supposed to be getting from your partner. 
So I agree that EA's come in many forms and can be more frightening than short-term physical brushes. (Longer PA's are a diff story naturally.)
I almost wandered into an EA that way (email) years ago in my former marriage--then realized that the feeling I got from the emails didn't match up with how I felt when I was actually with the other guy. For one thing he said he was over 6 foot tall but in person he was kind of stumplike regardless of how tall his shoes made him think he was.
So I quit the contact. I felt lied to by my own brain. It was all fantasy and biochemistry. But I kind of took a memo at how fast and how hard those weird "fog" feelings came on despite reality.

Sexting is a lie and it's a way to get that illicit thrill--alas, it's only in one's own head, but that's enough to distract from dealing with what's in one's own marriage that should be paid attention to.

And Mrs Weiner really should be ditching Mr Weiner IMHO. Face it, photo sexting is disgusting. And dangerous. It kind of borders on a PA, come to think of it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Disenchanted said:


> HuffPost Divorce recently partnered with YouGov to poll 1,000 U.S. adults about what they consider to be adulterous behaviors –- and the answers may surprise you.
> 
> *A whopping 79 percent of people surveyed would consider it cheating if their partner sent sexy text messages* or pictures to someone else, and 60 percent said forming a deep emotional connection with someone other than their partner would constitute infidelity. Only 48 percent of people surveyed would consider it cheating if their partner kissed someone else on the lips; 26 percent would not consider it cheating and another 26 percent said they weren’t sure.
> 
> What Is Cheating? HuffPost/YouGov Poll Addresses Adulterous Behaviors


I would be in that 79%

It for sure is unfaithful. Unfaithful is my dealbreaker. PIV is not my boundary for cheatin but it is for many.

Kissing is a very intimate act. You the numbers that you see because they say kissing on the lips. Soe people barely touch lips as a kiss. 
But how about a long deep wet passionate kiss? That is what they should have asked.


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## confusedFather (Jul 15, 2012)

Based on these numbers some people believe texting is cheating but kissing on the lips is not.:scratchhead:


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

It is all in the feelings and is why we use the term EA. If you are communicating with someone who you have those feelings for then you are having an affair. The right thing to do when you have those feelings is to either tell you SO or to leave the relationship. The medium of communication is irrelevant.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

I have a question. . . 3 in fact :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:

*How would a spouse feel LOOKING ON as their partner*


> sent sexy text messages or pictures to someone else





> was forming a deep emotional connection with someone other.





> kissed someone else on the lips


:redcard: :redcard: :redcard:

*CORRECT *

Does my question really need an answer?
Betrayal in all its guises is still betrayal. 
Its most vital ingredient is secrecy. 
If someone is doing something they wouldn't do in front of their partner they shouldn't be doing it in the first place. 
What's more, they are well aware of how upset their spouse would be, but hell they do it anyway. 
Nasty business betrayal. 
Another word for it is cheating. 
The 3 events described above are merely a description of the different ways affairs start out. 
Ask any Tammer.

PS How many of the respondents had it actually happen to them? 'What ifs' are just that, 'what ifs'.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

For me watching my partner develop a deep emotional connection was the worst slowest most painful thing. The shock of learning about a PA was indescribably painful. But this sums up why texting is so insidious in my opinion:



> Somehow, sending messages to someone’s phone seems like a worse violation than kissing that same person in, well, person. The answer to this riddle may very well lie in the clandestine nature of texting – it’s an activity that can be kept totally secret, and can go on at any time. In other words, your partner could be lying on the couch with you, and sexy-texting someone else AT THE SAME TIME, and you would never know about it. The cheating may not exist in physical reality, but it’s a violation of the emotional space you share with your partner.


Survey Finds Cheating Via Text Is Worse Than Cheating in Real Life -- HowAboutWe – Date Report


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

For me I tend to know I'd be cheating/crossing boundaries if I wouldn't do this 'thing' in front of my husband.

Would I send another man sexual texts or pic's with hubby sitting next to me.... err no!
Would I kiss another man on the lips in front of hubby... def no!
Would I cuddle, fondle, give/receive oral, shag another man in front of hubby...no again.

It seems to work every time.... no exception.
If i could do it front of hubby...than it's clean and innocent.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

My rule has always been "would I be upset if my partner did this".

Regardless of whether she might be there or not, aka "in front of her".

I've flirted plenty while in a committed relationship and that kind of thing. But I wouldn't do something that I wouldn't want to have done to me. (or behind my back)


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