# Just cheated on wife...help



## nyjoe

I'll try to be as brief as possible. I am 32, as is my wife. We have dated since we were 21 and married when we were 24. Our relationship has been both exhilarating and exhausting. We have a wonderful child. 

My wife has been physically abusive in the past (i.e. slaping, punching, throwing things and verbal/emotional abuse.) I know she gets this way when she gets too stressed out. She knows it is a problem and it has gotten considerably better in the past two years, but it still lurks occasionally. . I think we both love each other, but have some deep seaded resentments (I feel like I've had to give up my personality to conform to her expectations...maybe this is just what a wife does to get someone to grow...it hasn't all been negative either) I have my flaws too.

We recently relocated. Not long after, I started feeling this urge to cheat. I felt that I had said "no" for so long and I was tired of sacrificing everything. I also, frankly, had a low self-esteem for my entire life (which is maybe why I stuck with my wife in the early years when things were more abusive.) I felt that I wasn't entitled to anything better. 

I recently met a woman who is gorgeous and I am incredibly attracted to her. She seems to be very attracted to me. 

If I go back to my wife (who doesn't know) I'm worried that I will resent her for missing this opportunity to see if there is something better. I am especially worried that a divorce may be inevitable down the line and I would have wasted the best years of my life in a failed relationship. This is not a foregone conclusion though. Part of me feels like things are getting better.

If I break things off, I worry that I will emotionally damage my wife and children, which would kill me b/c I can't stand to see them suffer as it is. My wife is a good woman and has some great redeaming traits...she has improved somewhat over the years.

I've offered to have my wife and I go to counceling, but she isn't very receptive. Until now, I have never thought about leaving the marriage. It was always me begging for her to come back after a fight (for note, she usually gets really mad for a few hours, maybe a day, then she gets over it...but for that time it is hell).

Please if anyone has been down this road before, or seen it before, let me know. I have been super-careful to not let one know about the other (this has been going on for 2 weeks only.)


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## Truth1990

wow dude i see why she's beating your ass its because your cheeating on her dude the other woman doesn't love you its called lust the other woman jus wants you for her amusement aka a toy that fell into her trap. dont except your mistress to be faithful to you if you leave your wife for her. If you see how low your mistress is in going with a married man then dont be suprised if you heard that she ****ed every dude in town. Dude dont break your marriage up for this woman she just wants you because she's desperate and insecure about herself that she wants to cause havoc and distruction. The other woman doesnt love you your wife loves you. Work out the problems with your wife and imagine if she cheating on your ass how would you feel that the person the you loved and trust turns out to be an unfaithful snake. Call it quits with the other woman because truly she doesnt love you you may think that she does but truth is she doesn't she just wants to put her hands in a cookie jar that doesnt belong to her. And for your wife she loves you maybe she's beating your ass because your an unfaithful dude. If you wanted to act like your 17 and be a little man***** then you shouldn't have got married. Dude stay with your wife dont leave a diamond for trash. p.s. i never cheated you want help then you got it


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## MrsTigi

I think the above is a little harsh. 

It is possible that you like the other woman because you are unhappy in your current relationship, new relationships are always nice and fun. It sounds like you have been through some rough times together. Encourage her to go to counselling with you and explain that it is really important becaus you have some issues that you would like to work through with her, make her feel like it is for you and not for the relationship and you need them, it may make her more receptive, the hardest part is getting her through those doors!!! 

You should never regret a relationship, even if it had its rough times you should always take some good from it (even when it is done and dusted). i wish you the best of luck and hope it turns out okay.


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## OpenMindedGuy

I've been there. 
I would sit her down and tell your wife about the affair and the reasons why you strayed. If she loves you enough to accept that she had a part [you did too no doubt] in yr troublesome marriage, is prepared to go into couples therapy and change for the better then you both will be happier in yr marriage and move on from this point. 

If she can't forgive you and move on maybe it's time you moved on. 

Hope this helps.


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## faith4truth

I think you should leave her for temporarily at LEAST cause if she IS abusive (like I have been to my husband) she WILL go crazyyyy when you tell her you cheated. I can't say you should or shouldn't tell her,you know what the outcome will be if you do. Thats a tough one but also is she abusive to your kid?


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## Needhelp911

How have you given up your personality? In what ways? Why would she hit you? How is your sex life? Do you have drug/alcohol problems?


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## youtubelud

Am in a similar boat as you, except my wife is not abusive, but you should try the other woman and hopefully it works out for both of you.


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## DanF

Why is it when a man hits his wife, the wife is advised to immediately get away from him, yet if a woman hits her husband, men are supposed to "work it out"?
Abuse and assault are gender nuetral.
Your wife hits you because 1) there is something seriously wrong with her and
2) you allow it.
Leave now or at least have her arrested next time.
I would never lay a hand on my wife in anger and I expect the same from her.


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## major misfit

:iagree:


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## dblkman

Truth1990 said:


> wow dude i see why she's beating your ass its because your cheeating on her dude


ok now where in his statement did he say that she knew he was cheating so how in the world could your statement be true? Also he said the "beatings" mostly early in the marriage. :scratchhead:


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