# Consultation with divorce atty



## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

What questions do/should I ask? I have no idea what I am doing. I don't even know whether I want to file for divorce or just legal separation--I'd prefer legal sep so I can keep my insurance for as long as possible (I have an autoimmune disease so I'm uninsurable until I can get benefits through a f/t job).

Any ideas?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

This is the only part of Obamacare that I am for; I am for NONE OF IT except for this - Insurance companies can not deny you coverage based on pre-existing conditions. Hell, if you think about it, everyone over 40 has a pre-existing condition. Sometimes it's called life! :rofl:

Sorry, that wasn't very helpful. Just venting. I am sorry you have to go see an attorney. I hope he does sway your opinion towards divorce if you honestly feel like a sep would be better. But I don't think the insurance issue should be a factor. If you feel like there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation, then a sep might be a waste of valuable time. Hopefully someone else on here can help you with attny questions. Good luck.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Every situation is different and it depends on your state.

Tell your lawyer your expectations and let him/her give you a reality check. "Shop around" different lawyers and get a feel for each one. I met with three attorneys before settling on one. If the lawyer starts the conversation with his fee schedule be wary. 

Instead of asking random questions write some goals and show them to your attorney. Ask for worse case, best case scenarios.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## seperated&confused (Oct 5, 2010)

Are there Children involved? Assets? What do you hope to accomplish?
If there is a hope of reconcilliation the go for the legal seperation. If there is no hope then just go ahead with the divorce.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Wow, thanks so much for all the replies.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ask: 

How long have they been practicing?
How much does the lawyer charge?
Do they offer payment plans? Do they return any $ to you that isn't used?
Do they mainly handle divorce or do they delve into other law (it's better if their forte is divorce)?
What is their success rate?
What are the laws where you live? 
What would they advise in your situation?
How long does it take (for legal sep/divorce)?
What would their plan be for you?
Explain you have a medical condition and ask what is the best advice they have for you re: insurance.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ask:
> 
> How long have they been practicing?
> How much does the lawyer charge?
> ...


Thanks! This thread actually stems from a comment you made to me in one of my threads in CWI, lol.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh. LOL. Glad to hear you are making moves


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

For best results make sure the attorney does family law exclusively. At first, I contacted a general practice attorney. Some of the things she said didn't sound right, so I began asking around. If you know someone who is an attorney, ask them who they recommend. Sometimes a marriage counselor can make a recommendation. Also, ask friends and family for references.

A good family law attorney will put you at ease during your first meeting. Mine has been almost as helpful as the therapist. He really knows how psychology plays a factor in the divorce process. 

I've got the same problem with health insurance too. We've been dragging this out, but it's going to come to an end soon. Even if I get disability I won't have health insurance. There really aren't many options there--and legal separation isn't an option in my state.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

827Aug said:


> For best results make sure the attorney does family law exclusively. At first, I contacted a general practice attorney. Some of the things she said didn't sound right, so I began asking around. If you know someone who is an attorney, ask them who they recommend. Sometimes a marriage counselor can make a recommendation. Also, ask friends and family for references.
> 
> A good family law attorney will put you at ease during your first meeting. Mine has been almost as helpful as the therapist. He really knows how psychology plays a factor in the divorce process.
> 
> I've got the same problem with health insurance too. We've been dragging this out, but it's going to come to an end soon. Even if I get disability I won't have health insurance. There really aren't many options there--and legal separation isn't an option in my state.


Thanks so much. The lawyer I'm meeting with tomorrow specializes in divorce, family law, custody, etc., so I'm super excited. And she was recommended by a friend whose ex-husband actually used this atty during their divorce, lol. So she _must _be good--and _better _be, for $300/hour!


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear it went well 



Anonymous_Female said:


> I asked her if I should tell him yet that I am planning to file, and she said no, not yet.


I agree. Don't let him know AT ALL. Ok?

Most couples do reach a settlement before the final hearing.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do you guys live together?

I say don't tell him because he could get the upperhand and file first and stipulate what he wants, with you having to respond to it.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ LOL. That's a good thing


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Glad you found an attorney. 




Anonymous_Female said:


> But she said she thinks it's rude for them to find out by being served, so don't wait that long, either.


I'm not sure I agree with that though. My attorney thought otherwise, since we are dealing with a narcissist. He said he prefers to work with an element of surprise. He had me to go to my husband and give him an ultimatum. The ultimatum was simply that he move back in the house, quit seeing other women, go to marriage counseling and really work at the marriage (and salvaging our business)..... or I file for divorce. Well, my husband said, "No". My attorney said no further communication was needed.

Keep us posted. It will be interesting to see what strategy your attorney follows.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ I totally agree w/ what your attorney said.

If you have communicated to your spouse that you still want the marriage and are willing to work on it and they aren't...notifying them beforehand isn't necessary. They themselves unilaterally decided they didn't want the marriage.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Then, I would follow your attorneys advice. A military man, serving overseas, he is working at doing what you asked. Ummmm, pretty low to not talk to him first. Obviously he cares something about you or he would not be trying to change for you. I like your attorneys approach to this. Leave some element of respect in this. I am basing this on your last post, maybe I am missing something.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Then, I would follow your attorneys advice. A military man, serving overseas, he is working at doing what you asked. Ummmm, pretty low to not talk to him first. Obviously he cares something about you or he would not be trying to change for you. I like your attorneys approach to this. Leave some element of respect in this. I am basing this on your last post, *maybe I am missing something*.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear your attorney is on it. 

Re: your husband, he is going through a lot of emotions right now. I wouldn't talk to him about anything re: your son. If he starts laying into you when he calls, tell him you will not discuss that further with him since he's upset and you want to have a calm conversation. Tell him you have to get off the phone.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Glad to hear your attorney is on it.
> 
> Re: your husband, he is going through a lot of emotions right now. I wouldn't talk to him about anything re: your son. If he starts laying into you when he calls, tell him you will not discuss that further with him since he's upset and you want to have a calm conversation. Tell him you have to get off the phone.


Good advice, as usual. 

Thank God for the 180! I don't even want to fight, I just want to forgive and move on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I meant to say... I wouldn't talk to him about anything except your son.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I meant to say... I wouldn't talk to him about anything except your son.


I figured, lol.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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