# how to convince your DH to be less of a Nice Guy



## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

this is what I am currently working on at home. I have a manly man who is just a sqoosh too worried about his wife's happiness most of the time. not that this isn't great (it is) but I'd like to be man-handled a bit more, esp in the bed room. 

I'd also love to have him be a little more demanding of his needs and wants, in general. 

part of the problem is me I am a strong-willed and fit farm woman. I think he digs that. but I don't want to lead in general in our relationship (it's pretty 50/50 but I'd like it to be 70/30) or in bed (I lead most of the time and there is always an inordinate amount of concern for "how the p***y feels" which is kind of a thrill killer) 

suggestions?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Absolutely, just tell him. I kinda felt the same way recently with regards to the bedroom and my husband and I had been having more intimate talks so I told him. I really love it when you _______ what do you like? and then I said what would you like more of? he answered and I said I would like more ________ It's easier to have a conversation, doesn't come across critically and pride then does not become an issue, you get your needs across while at the same time finding out some things about your spouse. It worked like a charm! My husband has been splitting the lead 50/50 in the bedroom, and the first time, he totally surprised me because it had been so long I had forgotten how good it felt  Goodluck!


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Hive him Athol Kay's book.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Married man sex life is what he should read. If he doesn't like to read much,
Then you can give him a really short note that is similar to your post below. 

A couple small editorial suggestions. Open with something like this:

Dear H,
You are hot. And I love you. Lucky me, a kind, considerate guy who is also hot.

I love your touch and your desire. I also want to tell you some stuff that is the opposite of what everyone has told you about how to treat a woman.
- most of us (women) love it when you take control in bed, I want you to do more of that
- we are tough - all of my ancestors up until the last couple generations gave birth without any pain meds - so skip the (kind, loving, considerate questions about how the p***y feels. If you are hurting me I will say so - promise
- try being a little rough, and then gradually a bit more rough, if I say caveman (which will be our safe word) you can ease up, but don't stop the whole show, just be a bit less rough. And I will tell you before it gets upsetting/bad for me. This might be a bit scary to you at first, but try it because I think it will be funnels both of us

If you think he will need specifics, google this stuff, and print out the things you want him to try out


UOTE=mina;827930]this is what I am currently working on at home. I have a manly man who is just a sqoosh too worried about his wife's happiness most of the time. not that this isn't great (it is) but I'd like to be man-handled a bit more, esp in the bed room. 

I'd also love to have him be a little more demanding of his needs and wants, in general. 

part of the problem is me I am a strong-willed and fit farm woman. I think he digs that. but I don't want to lead in general in our relationship (it's pretty 50/50 but I'd like it to be 70/30) or in bed (I lead most of the time and there is always an inordinate amount of concern for "how the p***y feels" which is kind of a thrill killer) 

suggestions?[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

Drover said:


> Hive him Athol Kay's book.


Yes. Have him read "Married Man Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay. Im on my phone or I'd link to it on amazon. 

My husband is just starting it and I can already see less "I'll-take-what-you'll-give-me guy" and more "I-know-what-I-want guy." I like it. A lot.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Mina said*: this is what I am currently working on at home. I have a manly man who is just a sqoosh too worried about his wife's happiness most of the time. not that this isn't great (it is) but I'd like to be man-handled a bit more, esp in the bed room.
> 
> I'd also love to have him be a little more demanding of his needs and wants, in general.
> 
> ...


This sounds exactly like my husband (Id' say ours is 50/50 too) -without asking me how anything feels -he never does that -but he is a born "pleaser". it is all about me. He has always been this way, I was not able to change him... and yes, he gets turned on by Aggressive women- see my thread - sounds like yours may be similar >>>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11217-want-hear-men-who-prefer-dominant-women-bed.html



Similar thread a few days ago in the sex section >>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/48924-want-my-husband-more-dominant.html

I will copy & paste my post on that thread here>> 



> > *Aristotle said*: His caring and sensitive bedroom behavior is one of the reasons you now trust him enough to be rough and aggressive, because you know he'd never really hurt you. It's a wonderful thing and when you communicate let him know your urge to get it a bit more rougher just sparked, and he is the only man you'd ever trust to absolutely ravish you.
> >
> > My wife told me from the beginning that she wanted her arms held down, legs held up, and needed aggression. Had she never told me I'd still try to be my idea of a perfect, gentle, lover. COMMUNICATE.
> 
> ...


I am pretty much a wife who has tried it all to get him more aggressive - I don't leave any stone unturned... but yet...I can't make him into something he is not comfortable with.. What I have is pretty damn good...I needed to just accept & Love him for what we have. 

You sound alot like me, the aggressive type yourself, so just know you are likely a good match!! 

If you take those tests, I would LOVE to hear your results !


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Can you do those tests without joining *******?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Coffee Amore said:


> Can you do those tests without joining *******?


Yes, you can....just don't fill that stuff in, keep hitting next, it will tell you what it requires. I forget now, but maybe there is an option to skip it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Took the test. I'm the "carnal lover" 23% partner focus, 67% aggressiveness, 55% adventurousness.

I'm also an accountant, and feel compelled to point out that I am apparently 145% something in total.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

145%? - the programmer of that site / survey was obviously not a professional.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Each of the 3 is a separate bell curve. so I'm in the lower quartile of partner focus and so on.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

The Carnal Lover
32% partner focus, 81% aggressiveness, 75% adventurousness

Over 100% = "bad programming" (they should really have tested that better!)


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

If you're a 'farm girl' you gotta have some rope laying around. Coils some up on the bed while he's taking a shower.. when he gets out, be naked on the bed and tell him you want to be tied up. Or, buy some hand cuffs (get the fluffy ones, the others tend to hurt after awhile). Try the dinner table or the counter top.. it's difficult to make sweet love on the table..lol.

Maybe tease him.. not a little.. go all out... then just stand up and say.. take me. If you got him revved up enough.. you'll get it the way you want it.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

thanks, Working. that makes more sense. 

it also means I am some kind of barbarian woman. LOL oh boy. 

my DH must dig it or we'd not be having so much fun. doesn't bode well for me getting my hair pulled and my butt slapped good n hard, though, does it? darn. 

then again if I am that aggressive and that adventurous maybe it means that I need to just demand he do these things and get going - chop, chop!!


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

yes, pmiller not only do we have plenty o rope but I have spurs and riding crops and chaps all kinds of good stuff! he did enjoy me using them on him fairly recently. we have the fluffy handcuffs and an excellent blind fold, too. I dominated him only on the premise that he'd "owe me one" i.e. "you do me next time!" -- I am still waiting!! (and yes I have reminded him once or twice, chuckle)


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

Then get it all setup and tell him it's time to repay the favor.. tell him to pull your hair, tell him to slap your a$$. I'm sure you know how to make him give it to you a little rougher, it's the opposite of moving your hips a little to throw off his stroke (don't tell me you didn't know that trick) Put your heels just under his cheeks and make him thrust it the way you want.. he'll get the picture. Or, just get on top of him and show him you can take the punishment of getting it rough. Either way, he'll learn.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, sometimes it can be hard to change a tiger's stripes if they aren't willing to change themselves. He's gotta be WILLING to accept the mantle, so to speak. 

But, rather than trying to convince, instead try to encourage. von Goethe said "_Correction does much, but encouragement does more_.” and I think that is very true.

And if it's way past your H's comfort zone, he may need a lot of encouragement, which may mean a lot of patience and subtle persistence on your part, and positive reinforcement when he does take charge.

Best wishes.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I've been tying the wife up a bit lately. This morning she held down my hands while riding me....this is the second time she's tried this. Not really sure what to make of it. I'm not into being sub AT ALL. It does nothing for me. Actually it makes me want to man handle her a little and put her back on the bottom. I can't tell if she did it because she wanted to be more dominant herself or if she did it because she thinks I want her to be dominant....or if it's some kind of copycat thing because I do it.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

"Actually it makes me want to man handle her a little and put her back on the bottom." 

That's what I'd be hoping for. Maybe even thrown over and turned face down ... with some good verbal "oh, so that's how you like it? see if you like .... THIS, baby, that's right .... !"

you are definitely on the right track, there.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> The Carnal Lover
> 32% partner focus, 81% aggressiveness, 75% adventurousness


Darn Mina , you are one WILD Cowgirl with THAT much aggressiveness & adventure -over the top !

Rope him up !












> *The Carnal Lover*
> 
> 
> Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:
> ...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, sometimes it can be hard to change a tiger's stripes if they aren't willing to change themselves. He's gotta be WILLING to accept the mantle, so to speak.
> 
> But, rather than trying to convince, instead try to encourage. von Goethe said "_Correction does much, but encouragement does more_.” and I think that is very true.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


And SA, I couldn't resist taking the quiz. 


The Surprising Lover - 59% partner focus, 38% aggressiveness, 65% adventurousness

You prefer your romance and love to be wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

The Surprising Lover is often filled with hidden delights and talents that might not be apparent from a surface knowledge of the person. The Surprising Lover is rather like a geode--sometimes rough on the exterior, but filled with beauty and wonder. The Surprising Lover is thus a gem to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they often tend to be humble and unwilling to reveal their inner greatness unless they're in a rewarding relationship. In terms of physical love, the Surprising Lover really shines, often highly imaginative and utterly devoted to bringing the heights of pleasure to the one that they truly love. Given a rewarding, reciprocative relationship, and the right lover, the Surprising Lover can be a delight in bed.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I've been tying the wife up a bit lately. This morning she held down my hands while riding me....this is the second time she's tried this. Not really sure what to make of it. I'm not into being sub AT ALL. It does nothing for me. Actually it makes me want to man handle her a little and put her back on the bottom. I can't tell if she did it because she wanted to be more dominant herself or if she did it because she thinks I want her to be dominant....or if it's some kind of copycat thing because I do it.


Experiment as well as ask...as you have been doing. Sounds like leaps and bounds for you. I know I do that with Batman when I want him to assert/react back. Keep experimenting and having fun with it.


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

Yea, I had to take it too for some reason:

The Liberated Lover
55% partner focus, 76% aggressiveness, 60% adventurousness


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

Figured I'd jump in too. 

The Suave Lover

50% partner focus, 62% aggressiveness, 45% adventurousness
Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Suave Lover.

The Suave Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is reminiscent of some of the most classic lover figures of all time, such as Casanova or Don Juan, or more recently James Bond (several of the "Bond girls" fit this type, too). This shouldn't be confused with a "player" or someone who is solely interested in physical love, but someone who is looking for an incredibly elusive thing: a worthy partner. The Suave Lover is a treasure to find, but can be incredibly difficult to hold on to, once found.

In terms of physical love, the Suave Lover can sometimes be surprisingly tender. Given the right setting, and the right lover, the Suave Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Devoted Lover (most of all) or the Romantic Lover, or the Liberated Lover.


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

So, mina... how's things going with this?


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

I had some long TMI in here that I decided to remove. I do need to be more conscious of how much information my DH would be comfortable with me posting if he were to review. My apologies but he is a very private guy and I don't do things that I know he doesn't like / approve of even if he doesn't necessary know about them. The entire thread is probably already too much and I was inclined to remove it but there was a lot of interesting "other stuff" that came out so I won't. Anyway once afeh posted I realized where I had gone wrong. I am interested in his response to my response though.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

mina said:


> this is what I am currently working on at home. I have a manly man who is just a sqoosh too worried about his wife's happiness most of the time. not that this isn't great (it is) but I'd like to be man-handled a bit more, esp in the bed room.
> 
> I'd also love to have him be a little more demanding of his needs and wants, in general.
> 
> ...


If your H were a car engine I could understand your need to fine tune him so very much.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

isn't he?


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

here's a post I have copied from another thread started by another lady who seems to have similar "fine tuning" issues as I do. thought AFEH might find it interesting, clearly alluding to my husband as an engine didn't do it for him ;-) (it was my post on her thread, just to be clear)

"well truthfully I think a lot of the NMMNG approach works well when men game women because a lot of women seem to have hang-ups they can't get past and an Alpha male can help lead them past those issues.

I think some women need to game their men not because of hang-ups but because I think their men have just gotten lazy ("I know I can make her cum in position X, so let's just default to position X once I get mine".)

I do think that's a little unfair, esp if you are the type of woman willing to do anything any time for her man, whether he asks for it or not. If I'm going the extra mile he should also, at least 1/2 the time."

my point being, overall, that yes I think a little fine tuning is in order, especially if the sex is currently GREAT for him and OK for me. 

why should I be satisfied with Ho Hum when I am doing all I can to make his experience Stellar? 

seems like it's just laziness to me: he knows how to make me get off, it's easy, he doesn't have to learn anything new or work for it. meanwhile I get the same ole same ole orgasm I had last week and the week before and the week before, etc, etc. 

I decided when I found the MMSL that I'd use the system to work for me a little bit. hence my creation of this thread. meanwhile I also think by using some of the techniques outlined in the Game strategy I can start getting what I want and convince him its in his interest to expend some effort to learn more about what makes the p***y work and then actually work it in the same way as I have invested effort to learn how to make his stuff work and then put it into practice. 

I don't think its unfair. I also think it is totally reasonable for the same techniques that will work on an uncooperative woman to work on an uncooperative man (even if their reasons for being uncooperative are different.) 

I don't complain about the sex I get now, but I have specifically given "fair warning" that it's gotten routine, boring and that we both need to step up our game. I followed that quarter-ago discussion with another night before last that my game has stepped up dramatically and now it's time for his to start to keep pace. this discussion followed a mind-blowing something "new" for him which he attempted to follow up with "same ole same ole" for me - and I didn't let him. 

sometimes us ladies need to grow a pair, too, and do what we need to get what we deserve. yes I think if I am putting it out regularly at a high level I should expect it's ok for me to work on him like an engine to fine tune his performance. 

what I find interesting about AFEH's response is it seemed to imply (tell me if I am wrong) that using the NMMNG techniques are supposed to be just for Men to use on Women. Are you a bit offended that there are women out here who'd turn it around and use it on you? or maybe it's a "guy thing" that us gals "just can't understand"? :-D


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