# In need of Advice!



## heartnsoul (May 8, 2009)

I've only been married 4 short months but my husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. I have always had a high sex drive than him, but that isn't even the main problem. From the beginning my husband always told me how beautiful he thought I was, how sexy I was, but than he also told me that my weight was an issue for him. We only have sex now when he wants it which is Saturday mornings about twice a month when he wakes up and he just wants to. He can't get hard for me any other way. Last night I confronted him about it, and at first he told me he wouldn't bring it up because he doesn't want to hurt me, but he basically told me he isn't attracted to me because of my weight. We were supposed to try for a baby this fall but I can't imagine doing so when I know he thinks I am ugly. After our fight was over and he was holding me he became excited and he than asked me to give him oral or anal, but wouldn't have vaginal sex with me. I gave in because I just miss him so much and I just want contact with him but I feel bad because I want pleasure to, but I doubt I am deserving of it because of the way I look. I am just at a lost, where should I go with him from here? Can anyone relate. :scratchhead:


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## hubby32 (May 7, 2009)

How long has weight been an issue for him? Were you this size 8 years ago when you first met? It's hard to respond to this without knowing what has happened in the past 8 years.


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## heartnsoul (May 8, 2009)

I have been this size maybe about 10 or 15 lbs difference here and there since he has known me. I am a size 12, but I am short so I guess a 12 looks bigger. Over the years he has mentioned it, but than doesn't say anything for a long time.


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## hubby32 (May 7, 2009)

I am worried about this comment. 
"I feel bad because I want pleasure to, but I doubt I am deserving of it because of the way I look."

I think there is more of a problem than just your husband. It's seems to me that your self esteem is at a low point now. If you don't feel good about yourself and don't exude confidence it shows. Why not start working on yourself first? Try to better yourself by working on your image. Once you work on your self, your conifidence will rise and believe me, your husband will notice.


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## heartnsoul (May 8, 2009)

hubby32 said:


> I am worried about this comment.
> "I feel bad because I want pleasure to, but I doubt I am deserving of it because of the way I look."
> 
> I think there is more of a problem than just your husband. It's seems to me that your self esteem is at a low point now. If you don't feel good about yourself and don't exude confidence it shows. Why not start working on yourself first? Try to better yourself by working on your image. Once you work on your self, your conifidence will rise and believe me, your husband will notice.


I think I am pretty confident in bed, I love having sex with my husband, he just doesn't want to have it with me. He says he never thinks about it. I am starting to feel resentful of him, and I don't want. Yes I am not thin but I don't feel like I look horrible, I've tried everything, and now I beg him which I hate. He says stuff like abstinence never killed anyone, or there is always tomorrow. I just feel so ignored and unloved.


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## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

OMG,,,I realate to this so much...the only difference is..is i just ahd a baby not even a month ago and my husband not only told me he did not find me attractive, he was cheating on me with porn and watchiing it when he was in the mood instead of being with me...
all you can do is try to fix it...whatever way you can..me for example.i am on a strict strict diet and have lost about 20 lbs in the last week . it will hurt and i know how you feel right now i don't even want my husband looking at me...the things he said made you feel low but your not..just keep looking at yourself and reminding yourself that you are beautiful


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Heart,

I'll offer a few different thoughts on your situation. One, if this is the way he has always been and now you want to change him that might be a challenge. If his feelings about your size and his lack of interest in sex is something new, then he needs to get real. In either case it should be something the two of you can discuss and work on together. You might decide to get into better shape and he might need to adjust his attitude about what is realistic and that sex is not just about the other person's body (who you're supposed to love). I'm also thinking he's playing some pathetic game with you. He gets in the mood but then only wants oral or anal????? He "wouldn't have vaginal sex" with you???? Something is up with that. He's taking pleasure for himself and purposely denying yours. Not good.


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## ntiedo (May 11, 2009)

You need to sit your husband down and ask him what is really the problem.Ask him is the weight really the problem? or he doesnt enjoy having sex with you throgh the vaginal. If your husband is sincere in answering your question, try and meet an expert to help you out.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

To give him oral is sending the message that you agree with him. I think you need to decide to either do something about the weight and/or him.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Talk about manipulative! I hope you get some counseling to find out why you would even tolerate this behavior, let alone consider having a child with someone like this. It will not get better and even if you lose weight (which you may or may not want to do), that won't change the fact that there is seriously something WRONG with your relationship and with his idea of how he can treat his wife!


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Yeah to only accept oral from your own wife is really selfish and dehumanizing to her.


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## heartnsoul (May 8, 2009)

Update

I talked to him again, and while he says my weight is not a big issue for him, it is an issue. What upsets me is that now he brings it up but for the past 8 years hardly ever mentioned it. I am starting to think its more of his problem than mine. He has a low sex drive and I am the opposite. He feels like he fails me when I want to have sex and he doesn't, than I think he becomes resentful and takes it out of me in the bedroom. I am going to seek a counselor for myself first and than maybe something joint between the two of us.  Thanks for the advice.


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