# Frequency and nature of oral sex



## DvlsAdvc8

A line of discussion in another thread has me wondering about the nature of oral sex received by women. I'm a guy who loves going down on a woman, and I do so often as the main event, with no return. For example, I occasionally stop in and hang out with my gf for a few before heading to some other thing I have to go do. Often I'll look at her, be turned on and just want to be all over her... but know I only have time for a quickie. More often than quickies, I want to go down on her and will start a make out session to that end. She gets off and I'll lay there touching on her until I have to get up and go.

My gf, and other women I've been with, have remarked that getting oral with no strings attached or expectation of return is relatively rare. My gf in fact had never experienced it and says guys usually do it as a prelude to sex or expect to get a bj.

What is your experience? Have you received oral and done nothing else? How often does this happen?


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## ScarletBegonias

DH would do it without expecting more but unless he was having erection issues,I never accept oral as a main event from him.I *need* his body after I've O'd from oral.

I personally expect if he's going down on me,I better be getting the D shortly after I end.

I never really let anyone else go down on me bc the times it happened it did absolutely nothing for me. So I have no idea if other men do it without expecting more.

If the situation is reversed,I will gladly give him a BJ or HJ with no expectation of him returning the 'favor'.


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## Faithful Wife

Every long term lover I've ever been with was happy to give unsolicited, unreturned oral any time I wanted it.


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## Jellybeans

I love cunnilingus threads.

No, that is not sarcasm. I just really love these threads.

I have been very lucky in my life. Because I am a HUGE fan of receiving oral sex and most of the lovers I have had have been really super duper into it. I would not want to be with a man who was not into it because it is seriously one of my favorite sexual pleasures. It's so beautiful.

With that said, I am big into reciprocation. Sometimes I do w/o feeling a need to have a return. Sometimes it's just all about the other person. Again, I've been fortunate to where my partner(s) have wanted to live there and not expect anything in return. But I give as good as I get.

Oral sex forever!


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## ScarletBegonias

Jellybeans said:


> Oral sex forever!


You had that made into a bumper sticker,didnt you?


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## Jellybeans

I should!


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## DvlsAdvc8

Just to clarify... let's keep this to actual experience rather than "would have done".

I'm interested in the frequency with which it actually happens, not a notion of "willingness". The majority of women I've given oral for its own sake and done nothing else have thought it quite unusual - so much as to tell me it stands out.


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## Faithful Wife

Ok, any lover I've ever been with would do it every day if I let them. They actually have always wanted to do it more often than I want to have it done to me. It is offered to me daily, I take it maybe twice a week. Some weeks more.


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## Dad&Hubby

Faithful Wife said:


> Every long term lover I've ever been with was happy to give unsolicited, unreturned oral any time I wanted it.


:iagree::iagree:

I think it comes down to selfish versus unselfish lovers.

I've always been an unselfish lover. I don't view ANY act as "payment" for something in return. I give a "performance" for the joy it brings my partner....and nothing more. I've been with women who share that same unselfish desire (my wife) and I've been with women who were selfish (my ex LOL and not, this wasn't the reason).

I would guess that the percentage of selfish versus unselfish lovers is slanted slightly more selfish to men (as in say 50% of men are selfish lovers versus 40% of women and yes those percentages are completely fabricated, just put in to make my point). But it also depends on how you define "selfish". Men could be more "quid pro quo" where women could be "I'm not even going to do something". 

I think this issue is a little more complicated based on how broad you define "selfish".


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## ScarletBegonias

Faithful Wife said:


> It is offered to me daily, I take it maybe twice a week. Some weeks more.


 I admire your discipline! LOL I'm like a greedy brat "gimme!! all the time! every day!!"


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## Giro flee

My husband and I have never had a sexual encounter where I have an orgasm and he doesn't. I've given him many bjs and handjobs over the years with no expectation of reciprocity. I'm LD, maybe that's why it doesn't really bother me....


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## Jellybeans

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I'm interested in the frequency with which it actually happens, not a notion of "willingness". The majority of women I've given oral for its own sake and done nothing else have thought it quite unusual - so much as to tell me it stands out.


It hasn't been unusual for me at all. I'd say like 90% of the time. It is the norm for me. I guess I am just lucky.


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## Faithful Wife

ScarletBegonias said:


> I admire your discipline! LOL I'm like a greedy brat "gimme!! all the time! every day!!"


There are so many fun sexual things to do, receiving oral is just one of them. Sometimes I say "not that, but how about this?" and turn it into something else.


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## Jellybeans

Dad&Hubby said:


> I think it comes down to selfish versus unselfish lovers.


Maybe. But my experience is that some people just LOVE to do it. It's something they truly enjoy.

We hear in TAM threads all the time about men who simply do not enjoy it. And I think that is the difference. Some men just love it. I had a lover who would tell me he wished he could do it 24/7, "Breakfast, lunch and dinner." He was the best.


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## Faithful Wife

I don't hear about men who don't enjoy it, where do you see that Jelly? I can think of Miss Scarlett's thread...but he doesn't say he doesn't enjoy it, she just doesn't really know because he's not enthusiastic about her O. But most men and women on her thread are saying "he's a fool, he should be down there all day", etc.


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## Jellybeans

I have read at least 10 threads now where the man simply DOES NOT and WILL NOT go down on his woman. 

I don't have a link now but they are definitely in there.

There is a recent one with a woman saying her guy will only do it about 4 times a year and that she resents him for it.


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## Jellybeans

Here's one that is relevant:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/189066-oral-hell-take-but-wont-give.html#post8550266


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## DvlsAdvc8

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok, any lover I've ever been with *would* do it every day if I let them. They actually have always wanted to do it more often than I want to have it done to me. It is offered to me daily, I take it maybe twice a week. Some weeks more.


There's that word again.

So all your lovers offered it daily? How often, say - as a percent of your overall sexual activity, would you say you actually got oral and did nothing for him?


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## Jellybeans

Well for me it has been about 80-90%. Seriously.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't hear about men who don't enjoy it, where do you see that Jelly? I can think of Miss Scarlett's thread...but he doesn't say he doesn't enjoy it, she just doesn't really know because he's not enthusiastic about her O. But most men and women on her thread are saying "he's a fool, he should be down there all day", etc.


What I've heard from women is usually prompted by their surprise at my enthusiasm. The most common sexual complaint I've heard about other men they've been with is that oral is just a prelude to sex (the next couple of common complaints are, lack of foreplay and defensiveness about toys) - or that a guy will talk a big game, say he loves oral, but only goes down for 30 seconds before coming back up and putting it in. Its widely perceived as something guys brag about, but don't actually do or seem to want to do. That all they really want to do is get her wet and move to PIV.


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## Faithful Wife

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> There's that word again.
> 
> So all your lovers offered it daily? How often, say - as a percent of your overall sexual activity, would you say you actually got oral and did nothing for him?


Dvls, do you just not believe me or....?

Because regardless of our differences, I do believe what you say about your own experiences.

Did you not read where I said that receiving oral isn't my first choice of favorite things to do and then I actually gave you the real number of times a week I do allow it? 

I've also been with women in relationships...I've also given it unsolicited and unreturned.

Not sure where you think the big deal is here or why you want to try to dissect what I'm saying. YES EVERY long term partner I've been with does this. Believe it or don't, whatevs. Not a big deal.


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## Faithful Wife

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> What I've heard from women is usually prompted by their surprise at my enthusiasm. The most common sexual complaint I've heard about other men they've been with is that oral is just a prelude to sex (the next couple of common complaints are, lack of foreplay and defensiveness about toys) - or that a guy will talk a big game, say he loves oral, but only goes down for 30 seconds before coming back up and putting it in. Its widely perceived as something guys brag about, but don't actually do or seem to want to do. That all they really want to do is get her wet and move to PIV.



You have said before that you target young, childless women in their 20's for dating.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> Well for me it has been about 80-90%. Seriously.


Yowsers! High five! lol

80-90% of your sexual activity as been receipt of oral with nothing else following?


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## DvlsAdvc8

Faithful Wife said:


> You have said before that you target young, childless women in their 20's for dating.


AH... good point. Could you relate to their experience in your 20s?


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## DvlsAdvc8

Faithful Wife said:


> Dvls, do you just not believe me or....?


You're reading too much into it. I didn't point out the would to call your truth into question. I'm trying to avoid the tendency to predict what someone "would" have done. Particularly to avoid the trap that is as my gf calls it "guys who talk a big game, but really only go down for 30 seconds."

See what I'm saying? Don't read hostility into it, I'm just trying to be specific.

I've been with some bi chicks and a couple of them have also made similar remarks about guys. I don't have a clue as to whether its about an age range of guys, or just the women I've been with, just that its something I hear regularly. Actually, I still kinda think the best sexual compliment I've ever gotten is from a bi girl I was seeing who had this lesbian playmate from time to time before we got together. She told me about how this girl came on to her again and after being told she was seeing me, the lesbian girl said "Yeah, but you know no man can eat you out like I can" (something like that) and my girl (bi gf I had at the time) started raving about me and lesbian chick didn't buy it. The part I took as a pretty awesome compliment was that my gf (at the time, not current) said she told her something like she wished she could share me to prove it and that I was her best hands down. Hearing that felt pretty damn good and being shared got my ears up until she jumped out with "Don't get any ideas. Hell no I ain't sharing sh*t. I'm greedy." lol


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## Faithful Wife

All of my lovers knew how to go down and not just for 30 seconds....it could be 30 or 40 minutes, and never a complaint. Does that work for ya?


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## lucyloo

I am one of those women who struggle to achieve orgasm pretty much, ever. 

So I can't say I crave oral as I have never been able to achieve orgasm that way. Not to say I don't enjoy receiving it from my husband, but I would say I perform oral on him a lot more than he does on me as he gets so much more out of it.


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## greenfern

In my previous relationships I was not very comfortable receiving oral. In my current (3 yrs) I love it but it doesn't happen that often perhaps once every two or three weeks. He receive some form of oral daily. I have never, from him, received sexual pleasure without the expectation of reciprocation. And it's starting to bug me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Created2Write

I've never gotten oral sex and not reciprocated in some way. Ever. After OS, I am always hot and ready for PIV. If we didn't have even a quickie, it'd be like we were wasting the whole experience. I have, however, given OS and not gotten anything in return. I am not a fan of that at all. The last time that happened was our first year of marriage, so I think he learned his lesson. lol.


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## TiggyBlue

Haven't slept with a huge amount of people, think I've been pretty lucky all but one was very generous in the oral department.


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## Jellybeans

Those men make the world go round!


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## DvlsAdvc8

Faithful Wife said:


> All of my lovers knew how to go down and not just for 30 seconds....it could be 30 or 40 minutes, and never a complaint. Does that work for ya?


Isn't "knew how" the same as "would"?

How about, "I got oral-to-orgasm alone, about x out of y experiences." ie - actual happenings.

Or don't answer. I don't get why you're being cagey about it or think I'm doubting you. I'm hyper-logical. I'm allergic to subjectivity. 

Maybe I should have included an option for "They offered, but I didn't want or always demanded more."


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## Jellybeans

Why is it such a big deal if Faithful is saying "would have" or that someone "would" do it if she was up for it? I don't get why you are picking apart her sentence. And I am saying this w/ zero negativity, just curiosity. She is saying that her guy would do it all day long if she wanted to do it all day long which is saying he is generous in that respect. He wants to go down on her all the time. Your own poll is saying "you've been" meaning "you have" been with guys that did Xyz.


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## TheCuriousWife

I have NEVER gotten oral or any sort of stimulation and my husband didn't. 

On the other side, I've given my husband dozens and dozens of unreciprocated blow jobs. 

That said. If he did offer to give me oral without any reciprocation, like many of the other girls I'd probably be begging for PIV afterwards, or offer to take care of his needs in whatever way he wanted. I don't think it is fair to leave your partner hanging, unless for some reason they honestly just don't want anything in return.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> Those men make the world go round!


I'm a big fan of oral being asymmetrical. My going down on her shouldn't obligate her to give me back. I go down because that's what I wanted to do. I think its nice to be given and not jump up to get her or for her to jump up and do me. It doesn't bother me to not receive... I know she's going to take care of me sooner or later when she wants to.

But maybe I'm weird... because I never ask for oral and have never been asked for oral. Its always been something just done for one of us. Oral to completion for its own sake - its own standalone event, followed by reciprocation - either my going down on her after she did me, or her going down on me after I did her - has actually been the lesser case for me. Its more often my receiving without giving back or giving without receiving back. When receiving, I just know it will even out because I'm going to get her another time; now, I receive a slight bit more than I've given, but its pretty close... otherwise my crazy issues with receiving would start kicking in and I'd feel guilty.


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## Jellybeans

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> But maybe I'm weird... because I never ask for oral and have never been asked for oral.


You're not/this isn't weird. It's been a common experience for me.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> Why is it such a big deal if Faithful is saying "would have" or that someone "would" do it if she was up for it? I don't get why you are picking apart her sentence. And I am saying this w/ zero negativity, just curiosity. She is saying that her guy would do it all day long if she wanted to do it all day long which is saying he is generous in that respect. He wants to go down on her all the time. Your own poll is saying "you've been" meaning "you have" been with guys that did Xyz.


I mean it with no negativity either. Maybe its just personal bias but it feels dodgy. She doesn't say "they have done it" often or all the time or whatever, instead the sentences read like "they would have", "they wanted to", "they knew how". See what I'm saying? Conjecture as opposed to occurrence. The poll is about occurrence - "do it".

Its not my intention to agitate, so I'll just drop it. FW, I wasn't doubting you or trying to get under your skin - I'm just formatting data. Yours is in hexadecimal and I'm looking for decimal, hopefully you see what I'm saying.


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## ScarletBegonias

basically you want to see "My DH does this 6/10,7/10,etc..." not "My DH would do this if I let him."


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## Mmdog60

Great thread but am I missing something? Who really cares how someone's post is worded? Not sure why that matters.


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## bkaydezz

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> A line of discussion in another thread has me wondering about the nature of oral sex received by women. I'm a guy who loves going down on a woman, and I do so often as the main event, with no return. For example, I occasionally stop in and hang out with my gf for a few before heading to some other thing I have to go do. Often I'll look at her, be turned on and just want to be all over her... but know I only have time for a quickie. More often than quickies, I want to go down on her and will start a make out session to that end. She gets off and I'll lay there touching on her until I have to get up and go.
> 
> My gf, and other women I've been with, have remarked that getting oral with no strings attached or expectation of return is relatively rare. My gf in fact had never experienced it and says guys usually do it as a prelude to sex or expect to get a bj.
> 
> What is your experience? Have you received oral and done nothing else? How often does this happen?


Wait...Why does the poll say Most Guys? :scratchhead:
What if it is just one for some? hmmmm...:scratchhead:
Gosh Dvl...This is mean. 

JK:rofl:


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## Dredd

Jellybeans said:


> Those men make the world go round!


A-Team | First Look US (2010) meeting Murdock - YouTube


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## samyeagar

ScarletBegonias said:


> DH would do it without expecting more but unless he was having erection issues,I never accept oral as a main event from him.I *need* his body after I've O'd from oral.
> 
> I personally expect if he's going down on me,I better be getting the D shortly after I end.
> 
> I never really let anyone else go down on me bc the times it happened it did absolutely nothing for me. So I have no idea if other men do it without expecting more.
> 
> If the situation is reversed,I will gladly give him a BJ or HJ with no expectation of him returning the 'favor'.


I am the first man my STBW has been with that has given unreciporicated oral to her. She is like you however, in that the times I have tried, she NEEDS PIV action. Over all, I would guess that she and I are pretty even in giving without receiving, which is to say, it doesn't happen very often because we both enjoy the full experience too much. As far as oral as part of foreplay, she receives far more than I do.


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## Cosmos

It's my experience that my lovers have wanted to give it far more than I've actually wanted /' expected to receive it. So, Yes, I would say this has happened often.


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## DvlsAdvc8

bkaydezz said:


> Wait...Why does the poll say Most Guys? :scratchhead:
> What if it is just one for some? hmmmm...:scratchhead:
> Gosh Dvl...This is mean.
> 
> JK:rofl:


lol you know what I mean! If its one, then that one is your most. 

I just want to know how often it actually happens, because most I've been with are surprised by it. But in the other thread I had feedback that its a common thing.

The thing I'm most surprised by is how often women don't want it, according to this thread.


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## ScarletBegonias

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> The thing I'm most surprised by is how often women don't want it, according to this thread.


Yup,color me shocked on this one as well.


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## SpinDaddy

Curious thread. 


I rarely have PIV with Ms. Spin where I haven’t given her oral first. Exceptions being her monthly or occasionally she’ll just go right to PIV.

I don’t think I’ve ever given Ms. Spin oral where she didn’t finish us off with PIV.

I can count the times Ms. Spin has given me oral and never to climax and frankly I’ve only been with one woman who could. I like receiving it but really as a prelude to PIV – I guess.

In my high school and college days, I gave a lot of nonreciprocal oral where birth control was an issue and probably spent the first 8 months my first relationship with my face buried between the legs of my high school girlfriend before I ever had PIV.

I know Ms. Spin can be pretty ambivalent about oral sometimes as she will go down on me completely sopping wet and ready for PIV – but I think she’ll just sit on my face a bit to keep me interested.
I wonder, being a male child of the 80’s if maybe with the post 70’s sexual revolution and what-all if perhaps we weren’t somewhat over-conditioned (culturally) as males to think foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay? I mean, as a younger man I had several “older” partners in their 40-50’s where foreplay always seemed a bigger deal than with any of my younger partners who frequently seemed to be more like “mount me up NOW cowboy”.


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## EasyPartner

I just looove giving oral sex, maybe more than receiving, if possible. Love the visual aspects of it too.

But indeed, a few women I've been intimate with were hesitant to let me :scratchhead: Didn't always ask why.

My ex-wife, for example, didn't always because she was self-conscious for the possible odors down there, in spite of being a very clean woman... didn't reek at all and I wouldn't have minded anyways, but she was still uncomfortable with it at times.

Current gf, on the other hand, can't get enough of it, in terms of frequency that is. She's very multi-O (never seen anything like this) and gets wet just by the thought of it, then gets off in a matter of seconds. A few times in a row. I kid you not.

But a recurrent observation is that women won't let me do it for more than a few minutes because by then they want that P in their V sooo bad it hurts.

Side effect: if I'd like a bj, get it first cause after cunnilingus there's no going back.

So no, never gave OS without getting plenty in return. Conditioned that way too now. Pavlov rules!


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## SpinDaddy

EasyPartner said:


> . . . .
> 
> But a recurrent observation is that women won't let me do it for more than a few minutes because by then they want that P in their V sooo bad it hurts.
> 
> . . . .


*QUESTION WOMEN*: So, generally of course, is that because oral for you is kinda’ a “Meh, let’s get to the good stuff” or is it a “OK yeah, I’m ready now” kinda’ deal?


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## ScarletBegonias

LOL stopping oral isn't always an indication of wanting the D.In my experience it was stopped bc it wasn't doing a thing for me. 

Oral by DH is so good I factored that into my "pros" list of reasons to marry him. I NEVER stop him when he's doing his thing down there. Take me to the end,baby


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## SpinDaddy

ScarletBegonias said:


> LOL stopping oral isn't always an indication of wanting the D.In my experience it was stopped bc it wasn't doing a thing for me.
> 
> Oral by DH is so good I factored that into my "pros" list of reasons to marry him. I NEVER stop him when he's doing his thing down there. Take me to the end,baby


Ha! Scarlett, so the distinction would be between pushing Mr. Begonia’s head away from you while he’s down there and grabbing a-hold of the “D” and sliding him into you. I appreciate that. In my experience the former usually happens because Ms. Spin hears one of the kids up and about.


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## keeper63

Not a woman, but in 26 years of marriage and 34 years together, I can count on both hands the number of times I have given my wife oral as a stand-alone sex act. It is usually when she has had a few drinks.

Otherwise, she is uncomfortable with the idea of being the focus of sexual attention. Plus, after a bunch of orgasms from my oral attentions, she almost always wants PIV in the worst way.

I'm not surprised by the number of women who are OK with not receiving unreciprocated oral sex. I love giving oral and I would give it to her every day if she let me!


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## Thunder7

ScarletBegonias said:


> LOL stopping oral isn't always an indication of wanting the D.In my experience it was stopped bc it wasn't doing a thing for me.
> 
> Oral by DH is so good I factored that into my "pros" list of reasons to marry him. I NEVER stop him when he's doing his thing down there. Take me to the end,baby


SB, I LOVE taking Mrs T to 'the end'. Love it, love it, love it!! But, she prefers PIV orgasms to oral ones. So usually I will take her to the brink then switch so she can finish with PIV. Her O's are much more intense that way. But, I would have no problems taking her to 'the end' much more often than I do.


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## Giro flee

SpinDaddy said:


> *QUESTION WOMEN*: So, generally of course, is that because oral for you is kinda’ a “Meh, let’s get to the good stuff” or is it a “OK yeah, I’m ready now” kinda’ deal?


We've never had a sexual encounter where my husband didn't expect to orgasm. Any kind of sexual situation would get him aroused, I would feel bad leaving him like that as well.


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## samyeagar

Well with what I said earlier, since that post, I have gotten a bj and a tit fvck, both to completion with nothing expected in return. We have also had PIV since then. So does it really count as unreciporicated since I gave her oral to completion when we got back from the post office, and will likely use my hands before dinner, and PIV before we go to sleep for the night? Net sum orgasm's for the day will likely end up with her plus 1 or 2 becase of multiples, but is any of that really unreciporicated simply because it didn't happen in the same session?


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## bkaydezz

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> lol you know what I mean! If its one, then that one is your most.
> 
> I just want to know how often it actually happens, because most I've been with are surprised by it. But in the other thread I had feedback that its a common thing.
> 
> The thing I'm most surprised by is how often women don't want it, according to this thread.


Well, you know I am one of those that don't. Could care less for it. Then when someone hears me say that, I get the answer "That's because you've never had it done right." Not true. So, add one more to common! Woot woot! :smthumbup:


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## Thunder7

bkaydezz said:


> Well, you know I am one of those that don't. Could care less for it. Then when someone hears me say that, I get the answer "That's because you've never had it done right." Not true. So, add one more to common! Woot woot! :smthumbup:


Hmmm...


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## bkaydezz

Thunder7 said:


> Hmmm...[/
> 
> Oh gosh! What is it Thunder7?


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## over20

I love giving and receiving oral....hubs is the King.


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## Thunder7

Are you saying you don't enjoy oral sex.....but, it's not because it's never been done properly. This makes me think of 2 questions: Are you sure it's never been done properly? I mean, how would you know? and Does that mean it's all in your head? I tried to type that without sounding condescending. What I mean is does the fact that a guys face is in your nether regions bother you to a point where you simply cannot enjoy it. 

Sorry for opening a possible can of worms.


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## bkaydezz

Thunder7 said:


> Are you saying you don't enjoy oral sex.....but, it's not because it's never been done properly. This makes me think of 2 questions: Are you sure it's never been done properly? I mean, how would you know? and Does that mean it's all in your head? I tried to type that without sounding condescending. What I mean is does the fact that a guys face is in your nether regions bother you to a point where you simply cannot enjoy it.
> 
> Sorry for opening a possible can of worms.


It is ok. I am saying I don't really, no. I never said, it has never been done properly, I meant that if I make a comment about how I don't care for it, inevitably a comment is made at the reasoning for that is, BECAUSE it has not been done properly. REALLY?! I don't understand that.


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## over20

I do love oral sex... I will say it is harder for me to come orally than him..


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## Thunder7

bkaydezz said:


> It is ok. I am saying I don't really, no. I never said, it has never been done properly, I meant that if I make a comment about how I don't care for it, inevitably a comment is made at the reasoning for that is, BECAUSE it has not been done properly. REALLY?! I don't understand that.


And that's why I asked the second question. Does the thought of it (the logistics of it) bother you and prevent you from possibly enjoying it? I am in no way passing judgement. Just asking a question out of curiosity.


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## kilgore

over20 said:


> I do love oral sex... I will say it is harder for me to come orally than him..


it's like ice cream. everyone likes it.


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## bkaydezz

Thunder7 said:


> And that's why I asked the second question. Does the thought of it (the logistics of it) bother you and prevent you from possibly enjoying it? I am in no way passing judgement. Just asking a question out of curiosity.


I think some of it may be psychological. UGH! I just think its nasty for me sometimes. Sometimes the idea of it seems great. Then other times, it just makes me feel nasty. I don't know why!! My BF swears that he lovesssssss to do it. He has probably done it to me less than ten times in the almost 4 years we have been together. I am assuming the reason, or a reason for that may be because I don't want him too. Be he never bothers or questions me about doing it. Now, if I do not go down there...I hear about it.


----------



## Thunder7

bkaydezz said:


> I think some of it may be psychological. UGH! I just think its nasty for me sometimes. Sometimes the idea of it seems great. Then other times, it just makes me feel nasty. I don't know why!! My BF swears that he lovesssssss to do it. He has probably done it to me less than ten times in the almost 4 years we have been together. I am assuming the reason, or a reason for that may be because I don't want him too. Be he never bothers or questions me about doing it. Now, if I do not go down there...I hear about it.


I am resisting the urge to shout, 'AH HA!'.  And I'm not poking fun, either. I dated a girl very early on who had very similar feelings about it, as you do. I pushed the issue on very rare occasions, but stopped when I got no reaction. Of course, I had no idea what the hell I was doing back then, either. :rofl: My wife was even a bit reluctant when we first started seeing each other. Fortunately, I was able to get her to see the light, so to speak.  If your BF swears he loves to do it, believe him. I love it too. If it was in the least bit nasty we would not be interested at all. It's not. Also, some people do not like not being in control. And if you're on the receiving end of oral you are rarely in control. Cheers. Again, sorry if you thought I was calling you out or stepping on your toes. Just making conversation.


----------



## kilgore

Mrs. John Adams said:


> My husband does oral on me....I climax...and then I want to be fvcked
> 
> We use oral on him as foreplay


hats off to u mrs ja - making it happen after all these yrs


----------



## bkaydezz

Thunder7 said:


> I am resisting the urge to shout, 'AH HA!'.  And I'm not poking fun, either. I dated a girl very early on who had very similar feelings about it, as you do. I pushed the issue on very rare occasions, but stopped when I got no reaction. Of course, I had no idea what the hell I was doing back then, either. :rofl: My wife was even a bit reluctant when we first started seeing each other. Fortunately, I was able to get her to see the light, so to speak.  If your BF swears he loves to do it, believe him. I love it too. If it was in the least bit nasty we would not be interested at all. It's not. Also, some people do not like not being in control. And if you're on the receiving end of oral you are rarely in control. Cheers. Again, sorry if you thought I was calling you out or stepping on your toes. Just making conversation.


Oh no. Not butt hurt at all. haha :moon: 
Thanks for the info. I cant be to assured that he loves it as he says, because he never initiates conversation about it or attempts it. I am just leaning more along the lines of "Actions speak louder than words." Know what I mean?


----------



## Thunder7

Mrs. John Adams said:


> My husband does oral on me....I climax...and then I want to be fvcked
> 
> We use oral on him as foreplay


I'm right there with ya. I like to bring my wife to the brink, then finish the job PIV style, which she prefers. She says her O's are more intense that way.


----------



## Thunder7

bkaydezz said:


> Oh no. Not butt hurt at all. haha :moon:
> Thanks for the info. I cant be to assured that he loves it as he says, because he never initiates conversation about it or attempts it. I am just leaning more along the lines of "Actions speak louder than words." Know what I mean?


I do, and that was one of the reasons I pushed the issue a bit. Even though my wife to be was a little uncomfortable with it I forged ahead. Needless to say, she is no longer uncomfortable with it.


----------



## over20

bkaydezz said:


> I think some of it may be psychological. UGH! I just think its nasty for me sometimes. Sometimes the idea of it seems great. Then other times, it just makes me feel nasty. I don't know why!! My BF swears that he lovesssssss to do it. He has probably done it to me less than ten times in the almost 4 years we have been together. I am assuming the reason, or a reason for that may be because I don't want him too. Be he never bothers or questions me about doing it. Now, if I do not go down there...I hear about it.


Oh honey, if your man loves it, learn to enjoy it. Men don't lie about such things...men love their women very deeply...


----------



## bkaydezz

over20 said:


> Oh honey, if your man loves it, learn to enjoy it. Men don't lie about such things...men love their women very deeply...


That's just my point. If he loves it so much, then why doesn't he push for it and mention from time to time. Maybe he loves it with someone else hahah! oh gosh! :rofl:


----------



## over20

Oh NO!!....friend he married you and loves you.....I know my own hubs seems to want to have PIV more....I do gently remind him that I love oral....to get me to PIV.....


----------



## Thunder7

bkaydezz said:


> That's just my point. If he loves it so much, then why doesn't he push for it and mention from time to time. Maybe he loves it with someone else hahah! oh gosh! :rofl:


Maybe he has no confidence in his abilities, and he can use your reluctance as an excuse not to push the issue.


----------



## bkaydezz

well, who knows! That's my story and I am sticking to it :


----------



## Thunder7

over20 said:


> Oh NO!!....friend he married you and loves you.....I know my own hubs seems to want to have PIV more....I do gently remind him that I love oral....to get me to PIV.....


Oh, no no no. There will be no PIV until the kitty is purring loudly.


----------



## bkaydezz

Thunder7 said:


> Maybe he has no confidence in his abilities, and he can use your reluctance as an excuse not to push the issue.


WHEN it comes up. He believes that he is great at it. I am not denying that he is good at. I guess it is just not my thing. Maybe one day...


----------



## over20

bkaydezz said:


> WHEN it comes up. He believes that he is great at it. I am not denying that he is good at. I guess it is just not my thing. Maybe one day...


Oh, but as a married woman....you need to lovingly teach him how to please you orally....don't blame it on your husband


----------



## bkaydezz

I am not married. I don't blame it on him. Like I said, actions speak louder than words! Yep, yep.


----------



## over20

bkaydezz said:


> I am not married. I don't blame it on him. Like I said, actions speak louder than words! Yep, yep.


Oh...OK....being married though changes the program


----------



## GusPolinski

bkaydezz said:


> That's just my point. If he loves it so much, then why doesn't he push for it and mention from time to time. Maybe he loves it with someone else hahah! oh gosh! :rofl:


Mrs. Gus and I have been together for going on 21 years, and married for about 14 1/2 of that. In all that time, it's been only within the past few years that she's let me go down on her w/ any sort of regularity. Prior to this, I'd been allowed to do it only a handful of times, and never for more than a couple of minutes at most.

Looking back, she was always concerned that she was "dirty", "smelled dirty", etc. She's a very clean person, so this was never the case. I guess it was just something that she had to get over. _*Or, to be more accurate, it was something that I had to help her to get over. It took me a while to realize this. I spent so many years having her turn away any offers for oral gratification that I eventually just stopped pressing the issue.*_ I wish I hadn't.

I can't really pinpoint when the switch was flipped, per se, but I remember telling her one day -- as we were starting to engage in foreplay -- that a) I was going to go down on her, b) that I was going to stay down as long as I wanted, and c) that she'd love it. The look in her eyes was something between terror and anticipation, and she quickly became a believer. I still remember -- VERY fondly -- her first oral orgasm. Hallelujah!!!

Fast forward to today... Almost every time that we make love (average 1-3 times per week), we start w/ oral. More specifically, _I start by going down on her._ It's very rare that this doesn't happen. She doesn't ask for it, though she's clearly come to expect it. And, given how much she seems to enjoy it, I can't say that I blame her. Truth be told, I'm fine w/ it, because I LOVE giving her oral.

These days she says that she has no idea why she had such intense reservations for so many years. I wish she hadn't but, oh well, I can't change the past. I can (and will!), however, continue in my orally-fixated ways.

Now with regard to unreciprocated oral... She'll give oral (or HJ) pretty much whenever I ask for it, but generally only within the context of a full-fledged sexual encounter. I can recall only a handful of times in all our years together that I've received a BJ or HJ that went unreturned. Would I like it to happen more often? Well sure. DUH. But I'd still feel compelled to return the favor, as I get just about as much pleasure from giving as I do from receiving.

Now, turn it around... She's received unreciprocated oral plenty of times, though usually when she doesn't have time for anything else. Having said that, it _almost always_ leads to PIV (normally I hear "get up here, already"). I'm fine when it doesn't, though. If she'd let me, I'd go down on her at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

And then again for dessert.

And bedtime.


----------



## GusPolinski

Thunder7 said:


> Oh, no no no. There will be no PIV until the kitty is purring loudly.


Ha ha!


----------



## bkaydezz

over20 said:


> Oh...OK....being married though changes the program


What are some differences from the marriage perspective and the non-marital?


----------



## bkaydezz

GusPolinski said:


> Mrs. Gus and I have been together for going on 21 years, and married for about 14 1/2 of that. In all that time, it's been only within the past few years that she's let me go down on her w/ any sort of regularity. Prior to this, I'd been allowed to do it only a handful of times, and never for more than a couple of minutes at most.
> 
> Looking back, she was always concerned that she was "dirty", "smelled dirty", etc. She's a very clean person, so this was never the case. I guess it was just something that she had to get over. _*Or, to be more accurate, it was something that I had to help her to get over. It took me a while to realize this. I spent so many years having her turn away any offers for oral gratification that I eventually just stopped pressing the issue.*_ I wish I hadn't.
> 
> I can't really pinpoint when the switch was flipped, per se, but I remember telling her one day -- as we were starting to engage in foreplay -- that a) I was going to go down on her, b) that I was going to stay down as long as I wanted, and c) that she'd love it. The look in her eyes was something between terror and anticipation, and she quickly became a believer. I still remember -- VERY fondly -- her first oral orgasm. Hallelujah!!!
> 
> Fast forward to today... Almost every time that we make love (average 1-3 times per week), we start w/ oral. More specifically, _I start by going down on her._ It's very rare that this doesn't happen. She doesn't ask for it, though she's clearly come to expect it. And, given how much she seems to enjoy it, I can't say that I blame her. Truth be told, I'm fine w/ it, because I LOVE giving her oral.
> 
> These days she says that she has no idea why she had such intense reservations for so many years. I wish she hadn't but, oh well, I can't change the past. I can (and will!), however, continue in my orally-fixated ways.
> 
> Now with regard to unreciprocated oral... She'll give oral (or HJ) pretty much whenever I ask for it, but generally only within the context of a full-fledged sexual encounter. I can recall only a handful of times in all our years together that I've received a BJ or HJ that went unreturned. Would I like it to happen more often? Well sure. DUH. But I'd still feel compelled to return the favor, as I get just about as much pleasure from giving as I do from receiving.
> 
> Now, turn it around... She's received unreciprocated oral plenty of times, though usually when she doesn't have time for anything else. Having said that, it _almost always_ leads to PIV (normally I hear "get up here, already"). I'm fine when it doesn't, though. If she'd let me, I'd go down on her at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
> 
> And then again for dessert.
> 
> And bedtime.


HAHA!!:lol:
:rofl:

That's great! Compatibility in the bedroom. Well, now. 
She sounds in awe with you mister Gus.
Glad she let you too. It seemed a inner battle with herself. 
Maybe that's some of my problem. 
Either way. You are a hungary man. sheeshhhhh! LOL! :rofl:


----------



## kilgore

if u are self conscious, be patient, it might change over time, don't stress about it


----------



## bkaydezz

kilgore said:


> if u are self conscious, be patient, it might change over time, don't stress about it


Uhm. Some of it maybe. then I just don't think its my thang, ya nah what im sayin? :rofl:
Either way, he is not bent over crying about it. Like this. :moon:

:lol:


----------



## GusPolinski

bkaydezz said:


> What are some differences from the marriage perspective and the non-marital?


I think that mostly it's a sense that, once married, husband and wife _truly belong to each other._ That's not to say that either spouse _"owns"_ the other; rather, wife _willingly gives herself_ (her mind, her body, her love, and all the fruits of all her labors) to husband, *and vice versa*. 

To be fair, I'd say that most couples probably don't have a true appreciation for this concept until after (at least) a few years of marriage.


----------



## FizzBomb

GusPolinski said:


> I think that mostly it's a sense that, once married, husband and wife _truly belong to each other._ That's not to say that either spouse _"owns"_ the other; rather, wife _willingly gives herself_ (her mind, her body, her love, and all the fruits of all her labors) to husband, *and vice versa*.
> 
> To be fair, I'd say that most couples probably don't have a true appreciation for this concept until after (at least) a few years of marriage.


Blimey! That is so sweet. sigh.


----------



## FizzBomb

I haven't experienced standalone oral. I'd be fine with it though 
I would feel that I would need to reciprocate unless my husband makes it clear from the outset that he just wants to do it just because and doesn't want anything back.

I love oral. However I can only orgasm once. One and done unfortunately. (How I would love to have at least another).

Most of the time I orgasm fairly quickly (bah! no good if you're one and done), so I try and hold off my orgasm and can't last too long with oral unless I try and think of something else  I prefer to orgasm with PIV. I don't like PIV after I've orgasmed - I'm too sensitive but can still do it but I feel like I'm kind of finished and satisfied already and can't come again.


----------



## EasyPartner

FizzBomb said:


> I haven't experienced standalone oral. I'd be fine with it though
> I would feel that I would need to reciprocate unless my husband makes it clear from the outset that he just wants to do it just because and doesn't want anything back.
> 
> I love oral. However I can only orgasm once. One and done unfortunately. (How I would love to have at least another).
> 
> Most of the time I orgasm fairly quickly (bah! no good if you're one and done), so I try and hold off my orgasm and can't last too long with oral unless I try and think of something else  I prefer to orgasm with PIV. I don't like PIV after I've orgasmed - I'm too sensitive but can still do it but I feel like I'm kind of finished and satisfied already and can't come again.


FizzBomb, you sound like a man saying that :scratchhead:


----------



## FizzBomb

Easypartner, I guess it takes all kinds.

Coming back to add that if I tell him to stop the oral it's not b/c I'm not enjoying it - it's b/c I'm enjoying it too much and I'd rather save it for PIV.
Occasionally I don't succeed though like last week, guess I was enjoying myself too much.


----------



## EntirelyDifferent

FizzBomb said:


> I love oral. However I can only orgasm once. One and done unfortunately. (How I would love to have at least another).
> 
> Most of the time I orgasm fairly quickly (bah! no good if you're one and done), so I try and hold off my orgasm and can't last too long with oral unless I try and think of something else  I prefer to orgasm with PIV. I don't like PIV after I've orgasmed - I'm too sensitive but can still do it but I feel like I'm kind of finished and satisfied already and can't come again.


I'm a lot like this... I can orgasm multiple times from PIV, but if it's oral, it's quick O and I'm finished. That makes the sex my SO wants afterwards miserable for me. It's actually painful.

Which sucks because I've never had a standalone with my SO. He _always_ wants sex after, so I don't usually let him go there. 

I've given standalone oral many times, but have never been on the receiving end.


----------



## *LittleDeer*

I really like, it but my fave is PIV. I love orgasming during sex. I love it most when we both get off.


----------



## firebelly1

Maybe I answered this in my own thread about the subject. Maybe I didn't. I, like Jellybeans, just like threads on cunnilingus.  The only time I've received or been offered oral sex as a stand-alone is with someone I've been with once and that's all they do. Not sure where jb is finding all these 80-90% of guys! Not fair! If I had a lover like that I would gladly accept it and count my lucky stars.


----------



## Anonymous07

Oops, I read the poll wrong and answered opposite of what I meant. 

My husband rarely offers, but will gladly accept without giving anything back in return. An example being last night.  I wish he would offer that for me, but I can't remember the last time that happened.


----------



## Laralie

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't hear about men who don't enjoy it, where do you see that Jelly? I can think of Miss Scarlett's thread...but he doesn't say he doesn't enjoy it, she just doesn't really know because he's not enthusiastic about her O. But most men and women on her thread are saying "he's a fool, he should be down there all day", etc.


My man doesn't enjoy it at all. He says he never has liked it. This is the first and only man I've ever known that felt this way. Bummer for me.


----------



## Anonymous07

Laralie said:


> My man doesn't enjoy it at all. He says he never has liked it. This is the first and only man I've ever known that felt this way. Bummer for me.


Sorry to hear that. 

My husband claims that he "likes it" and "wants to give it to me", but he always has some excuse for why he doesn't. His most used excuse is that he "thinks he might have a cold sore coming on", although he hasn't had one in years. My husband has turned into a very selfish lover(and, pretty much, man in general).


----------



## Thunder7

Laralie said:


> My man doesn't enjoy it at all. He says he never has liked it. This is the first and only man I've ever known that felt this way. Bummer for me.


That is a bummer. I truly LOVE it. I wish my wife would ask for it more often. I have to wait until she's ready for the whole sexual production. I'd love to do it as a stand alone act.


----------



## GusPolinski

Thunder7 said:


> That is a bummer. I truly LOVE it. I wish my wife would *ask for it* more often. I have to wait until she's ready for the whole sexual production. I'd love to do it as a stand alone act.


Ask for it? Pssh... Just throw her over your shoulder as she's walking out of the shower, drop her on the marital bed, and have at it!

Geez... Can't wait to get home tomorrow night!


----------



## Anonymous07

GusPolinski said:


> Ask for it? Pssh... Just throw her over your shoulder as she's walking out of the shower, drop her on the marital bed, and have at it!
> 
> Geez... Can't wait to get home tomorrow night!


Can you tell that to my husband? 

That would never happen at my house.


----------



## GusPolinski

Anonymous07 said:


> Can you tell that to my husband?
> 
> That would never happen at my house.


Ha! Sorry, I think I'll leave that to you.


----------



## Thunder7

Anonymous07 said:


> Can you tell that to my husband?
> 
> That would never happen at my house.


Unfortunately, A7, my wife is one of those 'timing must be right' people. I would love to grab her just out of the shower. But, I'd probably get, 'I didn't shave'. Like I'd care.


----------



## GusPolinski

Thunder7 said:


> Unfortunately, A7, my wife is one of those 'timing must be right' people. I would love to grab her just out of the shower. But, I'd probably get, 'I didn't shave'. Like I'd care.


I get that line from Mrs. Gus from time to time. My usual responses are typically along the lines of "I don't care!" or "That's your problem, not mine." 

I'm usually not _able_ to say much after that. 

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Married but Happy

She gets oral much more than half the time, and we both like that. She's actually sleeping off an O right now!


----------



## Holland

I am in the "it would happen every day if I let him camp". I enjoy PIV after oral so if he starts it as a stand alone act I usually turn it into an all in event.
He is the King of oral, best ever


----------



## SimplyAmorous

*LittleDeer* said:


> I really like, it but *my fave is PIV. I love orgasming during sex. I love it most when we both get off.*


This is me too... I wasn't sure how to answer this question... Crazy I suppose but he's never asked me to give him a Bj or tried to push me there.. even though he would have died & went to heaven for one back in the day.. I only tried it a few times but never finished him off....Yeah I half sucked! 

He was always trying to go down on me.. but it wasn't my thing..too sensitive there... mind was working overtime thinking "OMG how can he stand that....ewww".... I just don't get off that way... (only 2 times I can remember )....if I did, I am sure I would have gotten over this silly hang up very quickly though!!

PIV ...orgasm every time... Love it.. crave it.. though for the last 5 yrs...I am so happy H likes to (as he says) "eat at the Y"...

I've gotten over my hang ups...ORAL on him....I gotta have it [email protected]#$...(making up for lost years)... but we both feel the same...nothing better than ending together...that's our mountain top.


----------



## Anonymous07

Thunder7 said:


> Unfortunately, A7, my wife is one of those 'timing must be right' people. I would love to grab her just out of the shower. But, I'd probably get, 'I didn't shave'. Like I'd care.


Tell her you don't care and keep going. 

I only wish my husband would try to do something like that, but it's only a dream for me. Even if I ask for it or suggest it, it doesn't happen. This thread has me kind of depressed seeing all the guys who like giving it and do so often.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Anonymous07 said:


> Tell her you don't care and keep going.
> 
> I only wish my husband would try to do something like that, but it's only a dream for me. Even if I ask for it or suggest it, it doesn't happen. This thread has me kind of depressed seeing all the guys who like giving it and do so often.


not *liking* that you're depressed...just *liking* "tell her you don't care and keeping going" 

Didn't want you to think I was happy about your predicament,that would be terrible!


----------



## firebelly1

Laralie said:


> My man doesn't enjoy it at all. He says he never has liked it. This is the first and only man I've ever known that felt this way. Bummer for me.


I really and truly could not be with a man who would not go down on me. I've never orgasmed through PIV and cunnilingus is my favorite thing in the whole wide world.


----------



## DoF

Good thread

I'm like OP, I will go down on wife as much as she wants. But she doesn't want it to often.....at times I just do it anyways hehe.

0 expectation of return of anything. And I tell her I'm ready to go at moments notice, just let me know.


----------



## firebelly1

See...this is why I think when you date that "How do you feel about oral?" really should be one of the screening questions.


----------



## prospect

*Re: Re: Frequency and nature of oral sex*



GusPolinski said:


> Ask for it? Pssh... Just throw her over your shoulder as she's walking out of the shower, drop her on the marital bed, and have at it!
> 
> Geez... Can't wait to get home tomorrow night!


That's how i do it!


----------



## Wolf1974

firebelly1 said:


> See...this is why I think when you date that "How do you feel about oral?" really should be one of the screening questions.


Yes it should and yes it is :smthumbup:


----------



## GusPolinski

Anonymous07 said:


> Tell her you don't care and keep going.
> 
> I only wish my husband would try to do something like that, but it's only a dream for me. Even if I ask for it or suggest it, it doesn't happen. This thread has me kind of depressed seeing all the guys who like giving it and do so often.


Ugh. Now I feel bad. Sorry, A7.


----------



## Feeling-Lonely

Thunder7 said:


> Are you saying you don't enjoy oral sex.....but, it's not because it's never been done properly. This makes me think of 2 questions: Are you sure it's never been done properly? I mean, how would you know? and Does that mean it's all in your head? I tried to type that without sounding condescending. What I mean is does the fact that a guys face is in your nether regions bother you to a point where you simply cannot enjoy it.
> 
> Sorry for opening a possible can of worms.


I am another one,
I don't like receiving it and I know other women who don't. It is just not my favorite, it is too sensitive and my H doesn't insist on giving it, not his favorite either so it works out well.


----------



## Coffee Amore

I get it that way more often than I give it. Not that I don't offer to, but the scales definitely swing in my favor. He seems to prefer to give it more than receive it. But my fave is PIV too like some of the other ladies who posted before me.


----------



## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> See...this is why I think when you date that "How do you feel about oral?" really should be one of the screening questions.


:iagree: Especially when we see all these threads about men who simply will not go down on their ladies. 

I would not continue dating that person.


----------



## arbitrator

*First off, performing oral on my woman quite often surpasses any expectation of even receiving it. I can initiate performing it on her, quite often without any expectation of receiving it and still be just as happy doing her and just watching and feeling her writhe in sheer ecstacy!

But when she initiates it on me, then I just feel physiologically compelled to go right down there and do her! Sorry, but I just love the package deal!*


----------



## MSP

firebelly1 said:


> See...this is why I think when you date that "How do you feel about oral?" really should be one of the screening questions.


But people lie or change over time. How many threads have there been with men saying that pre-marriage their girlfriends were into it and post-marriage it dried up?


----------



## Jellybeans

I have never not been into oral sex. And I will never be into a man who isn't into going down on me. Have been this way since I first started having sex. 

I think in general, some people just are not fans of it. And I'd say they don't change over time. What is more mind-blowing to me is someone that KNOWS their partner isn't into it/into doing it and they stay with them and years later all of a sudden they are resentful about it. Why? You knew they didn't like it from the get-go.


----------



## CharlieParker

Jellybeans said:


> I have never not been into oral sex. And I will never be into a man who isn't into going down on me. Have been this way since I first started having sex.
> 
> I think in general, some people just are not fans of it. *And I'd say they don't change over time.* What is more mind-blowing to me is someone that KNOWS their partner isn't into it/into doing it and they stay with them and years later all of a sudden they are resentful about it. Why? You knew they didn't like it from the get-go.


First 15 or so years my wife didn't like or want it. Didn't bother me, the PiV was great with simultaneous O's more often than not. I remember her light bulb moment, we were traveling and didn't have time for a quickie (well more so for the clean up), she said try it. Wow. 

I'm glad it worked out because as she got older her ability to O from PiV has greatly diminished. I do wish we did it more in the past but better late than never.


----------



## Anonymous07

Jellybeans said:


> I have never not been into oral sex. And I will never be into a man who isn't into going down on me. Have been this way since I first started having sex.
> 
> I think in general, some people just are not fans of it. And I'd say they don't change over time. What is more mind-blowing to me is someone that KNOWS their partner isn't into it/into doing it and they stay with them and years later all of a sudden they are resentful about it. Why? You knew they didn't like it from the get-go.


It's not that way with all people. My husband started out "liking" it or at least doing it fairly often, but as time has gone on, it just doesn't happen anymore. He always has an excuse for why he won't, but expects me to go down on him.


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## Thunder7

Anonymous07 said:


> It's not that way with all people. My husband started out "liking" it or at least doing it fairly often, but as time has gone on, it just doesn't happen anymore. He always has an excuse for why he won't, but expects me to go down on him.


SMH. :scratchhead:

I enjoy it more and more every time I do it. Probably because the results have gotten better and better over the years. Does that make me like one of Pavlov's dogs?


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## arbitrator

Thunder7 said:


> SMH. :scratchhead:
> 
> *I enjoy it more and more every time I do it. Probably because the results have gotten better and better over the years. Does that make me like one of Pavlov's dogs?*




*Well if it does, then all that I can really do is to say:*


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## firebelly1

Wolf1974 said:


> Yes it should and yes it is :smthumbup:


So Wolf...how do you ask? I'm thinking this isn't necessarily an appropriate first date question - or something you'd necessarily post on your Match profile, but damn it, if you aren't gonna go down on me, I don't want a second date. Know what I mean? Hate dating.


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## Wolf1974

firebelly1 said:


> So Wolf...how do you ask? I'm thinking this isn't necessarily an appropriate first date question - or something you'd necessarily post on your Match profile, but damn it, if you aren't gonna go down on me, I don't want a second date. Know what I mean? Hate dating.


Well I should note that I am a pretty forward person but not without tact or being a gentleman. So I don't say "hey baby do you give head". But when online dating you have a lot of time to text and talk, maybe on the phone, prior to meeting so you can let these things be known. What I usually say is something like that I am a very sexual person and enjoy all aspects of sex. Or when the topic of what are you looking for long term comes up, and it always does, I bring it up then. 

With my current GF we were at the table talking during our first date and she brought this up, what I was looking for long term, I said I haven't ruled out being married again but would first make sure that my wants and needs were being met. She asked such as? Then I said well I know guys at work, married 20+ years who never have sex or get blowjobs anymore. I know cause they complain about it all the time. I'm not going to be that guy. I like sex way to much and any woman who has a no oral policy. That would be a 100% deal breaker to me.

So that's how I bring it up. Has never failed me yet. If something is important to you it's best to state it. I couldn't be with a LD woman or one with selfish views on sex, oral or otherwise.


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## firebelly1

That's perfect. Thanks Wolf.


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## NewHubs

Oral sex is very important to me...not just receiving but giving as well. Wife knows that sex is not complete to me unless I go down on her. It is something that I appreciate doing and like to take my time down there because it is just that good! 

Wife loves my enthusiasm so it's a win-win all around :smthumbup:


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## omgitselaine

NewHubs said:


> Oral sex is very important to me...not just receiving but giving as well. Wife knows that sex is not complete to me unless I go down on her. It is something that I appreciate doing and like to take my time down there because it is just that good!
> 
> Wife loves my enthusiasm so it's a win-win all around


Not for nothing but enthusiasm is very important when giving head IMHO !! Having that partner " go to town " so to speak and enjoy himself as if it's his last meal on Earth is suuuch a turnon ahem ahem ........ of course reciprocating the same way when giving him head is just as crucial wink wink !!!

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## MrsStudMuffin

I don't like cunnilingus. Perhaps I'm just really too uptight. I can't get my mind out of what goes on down there. I think it's icky. 

My dear hubbs would do it and likes it actually...so he has told me. Apparently had a reputation when he was in college. But I can't.

As for going down on him, I will, but not my favorite thing to do.


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## LisaM

My husband loves giving oral sex and I love receiving!! If he wants recip I do that for him too. Usually he just likes to give me several orgasms then "climb aboard" for his.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Looks like the numbers aren't totally out of whack with what I've been led to believe. Over 50% don't get it without expectation of reciprocation at all.

The thing I've usually heard is that if a guy is going down, she generally perceives expectation to get his - either oral or PIV; so his giving oral is usually attached to his getting something. However, when she's going down, the women I've talked to perceive no such thing; they perceive it more often as a stand-alone event, and its not uncommon that it is. He gets his and that's that.

The impression this left me was that the ratio of stand-alone fellatio to stand-alone cunnilingus is amazingly lopsided in favor of stand-alone fellatio. The poll appears to bear this out, although not as dramatically as I expected given my past conversations. That's a good thing, because I thought you ladies were getting robbed!

Oh well, my gf still thinks I'm rare and special for doing so.


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## loveadvice

I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I don't ask for it and the few times I've had it in my entire life, I don't enjoy it. I'm embarrassed because I don't think it smells good down there, lol. I mean, that's the area where we pee, lol. We always start off with me giving him it though. I've never enjoyed giving it either, until I met my current boyfriend. I like his smell overall.


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## DvlsAdvc8

loveadvice said:


> I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I don't ask for it and the few times I've had it in my entire life, I don't enjoy it. I'm embarrassed because I don't think it smells good down there, lol. I mean, that's the area where we pee, lol. We always start off with me giving him it though. I've never enjoyed giving it either, until I met my current boyfriend. I like his smell overall.


Nothing wrong with you Love. Your opinion is more common than many realize. A lot of women are not comfortable with themselves "down there" and that means not wanting anyone's face there too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nynaeve

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> The impression this left me was that the ratio of stand-alone fellatio to stand-alone cunnilingus is amazingly lopsided in favor of stand-alone fellatio. The poll appears to bear this out, although not as dramatically as I expected given my past conversations.



How can your poll bear that out when it didn't ask about stand-alone fellatio?

I think you'd need to do another poll for that.




FTR: I voted for the last option but the expectation of reciprocation doesn't come from my husband, it comes from me. Also, I'm not really a fan of oral as a stand-alone. I like it as foreplay.


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## kilgore

Nynaeve said:


> How can your poll bear that out when it didn't ask about stand-alone fellatio?
> 
> I think you'd need to do another poll for that.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> FTR: I voted for the last option but the expectation of reciprocation doesn't come from my husband, it comes from me. Also, I'm not really a fan of oral as a stand-alone. I like it as foreplay.


i agree with u on that. though stand alone is nice too. but, it all winds up being part of th lead up


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## DvlsAdvc8

Nynaeve said:


> How can your poll bear that out when it didn't ask about stand-alone fellatio?
> 
> I think you'd need to do another poll for that.


The poll doesn't bear that out. That's a fact I'm confident in. You're right though, and if I was actually in doubt about that one I might post a poll asking men. You're welcome to post that poll if you're curious. I have no doubt that men who receive bjs at all, often get them as the sole event.



Nynaeve said:


> FTR: I voted for the last option but the expectation of reciprocation doesn't come from my husband, it comes from me. Also, I'm not really a fan of oral as a stand-alone. I like it as foreplay.


Is oral for your hubby reserved for foreplay?

I'm a big fan of fairness. I really enjoy the occasions where I'm given a bj as the main event. No expectation of return, no getting up from the dreamy post-O state to go down on her, no remaining aware enough to stop her before I O so we can transition to PIV. Undisturbed pleasure. As a fan of fairness, I believe in giving her that same feeling.

It happens to work out nicely when we're short of time in particular - there's little to no clean-up, unlike a quickie; and fewer women reliably get off during quickies IME. My favorite times are when she stays the night at my place, and I know she's going to sleep in because her only classes on Tues. and Thurs. are in the afternoon. I'll occasionally leave work for an early lunch, 10 to 11-ish and slink into the covers waking her up with kisses and oral. Then head back to work, leaving her to swim in the relaxing post-orgasm juice. Seeing her face just before I hit the door is priceless.

Besides that awesomeness of it, if we had sex, I'd need to take a shower before going back to work. I don't really have time for that.


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## Nynaeve

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> The poll doesn't bear that out. That's a fact I'm confident in. You're right though, and if I was actually in doubt about that one I might post a poll asking men. You're welcome to post that poll if you're curious. I have no doubt that men who receive bjs at all, often get them as the sole event.


Eh, I'm not that curious, lol. I do wonder, if that's the case, whose choice it is. But not enough to start a thread. 



> Is oral for your hubby reserved for foreplay?


Mostly. He doesn't really like it as stand-alone, either. I think that's only happened one time. 




> It happens to work out nicely when we're short of time in particular - there's little to no clean-up, unlike a quickie; and fewer women reliably get off during quickies IME.


We usually just wait until we have more time. 


I'm not really comfortable giving too much information. There have been a few times when he brought me to O without immediate reciprocation. But it wasn't oral.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Nynaeve said:


> There have been a few times when he brought me to O without immediate reciprocation. But it wasn't oral.


Ah, fair point. The original discussion that spawned this poll was focused on oral, but I don't see any reasons other means shouldn't count.

Like I said, the prevailing opinion I'd previously heard was that guys get a lot of stand-alone oral and women get virtually none. I've repeatedly heard "most guys are lazy", or "most guys are selfish". It hadn't occurred to me that so many women would seemingly be opposed to receiving this stand-alone attention (the "he *would* but, I usually stop him and move on to x" replies) after hearing such "lazy/selfish" complaints about other men.

I suppose it fits however, with my experience of some women moving on from receiving oral they really seem to be enjoying, before I'm done. Still don't know why a woman would do this rather than sit back and enjoy - particularly women whom I already know love it. Get an O out of it and then move on if you want to.


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## NoWhere

I might get slammed, but after many times of treating my women I can get upset if the favor is not returned somehow. Not necessarily oral but just being treated somehow. My women receives oral about once a week usually and for atleast 30-50 minutes Usually sex follows, but sometimes I grab a toy and make her suffer for awhile .

I make a treat of it and go all out, but I enjoy it just as much as she does. It really turns me on when her muscles tighten up or when she moans uncontrollably. I probably get oral about once every 2-3 weeks, but I don't complain. Not keeping score.

I think its sad some people just won't give oral. I assume some people just can't get the idea it is dirty out of their head. I would not date a women who refuses oral. That in itself is a turnoff to me.


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## FizzBomb

Nynaeve said:


> Also, I'm not really a fan of oral as a stand-alone. I like it as foreplay.


:iagree:
Nynaeve, I couldn't agree more. I like the package deal. If I just did standalone on him then I would get fully aroused and want to take it to completion ie I want to have sex with him. I don't want to be left hanging. Also, we don't have 'bj week' here either if I've got my period and we want to have sex, we do. I know from reading these forums not everyone is comfortable with that.

My husband hasn't given me a random out of the blue oral experience. I dunno, I think I would feel weird or uncomfortable if we just stopped with that and he was still aroused.

DvlsA, if you don't mind me asking, after you pleasure your girlfriend without reciprocation, what about your aroused state? Do you just let that pass or ....? Just wondering.


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## kilgore

FizzBomb said:


> :iagree:
> Nynaeve, I couldn't agree more. I like the package deal. If I just did standalone on him then I would get fully aroused and want to take it to completion ie I want to have sex with him. I don't want to be left hanging. Also, we don't have 'bj week' here either if I've got my period and we want to have sex, we do. I know from reading these forums not everyone is comfortable with that.
> 
> My husband hasn't given me a random out of the blue oral experience. I dunno, I think I would feel weird or uncomfortable if we just stopped with that and he was still aroused.
> 
> DvlsA, if you don't mind me asking, after you pleasure your girlfriend without reciprocation, what about your aroused state? Do you just let that pass or ....? Just wondering.


i agree, oral has to be a part of the whole experience, not the end. otherwise, what to do with unspent energy??


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## FizzBomb

NoWhere said:


> My women receives oral about once a week usually and for atleast 30-50 minutes Usually sex follows, but sometimes I grab a toy and make her suffer for awhile .
> 
> I make a treat of it and go all out, but I enjoy it just as much as she does. It really turns me on when her muscles tighten up or when she moans uncontrollably. I probably get oral about once every 2-3 weeks, but I don't complain. Not keeping score.


:circle::allhail:
Oooohh baby! Did it just get hot in here? :lol: Sounds fabulous, really does ...... sigh.


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## kilgore

nowhere is a selfless dude


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## FizzBomb

kilgore said:


> nowhere is a selfless dude


Yes. I especially like the part where he says that he 'makes a treat of it and goes all out' and that he enjoys it so much. . Lucky ladies :smthumbup:


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## kilgore

as a guy, u have to want to get your woman off with oral - u can't just rely on the dong.

wait, ladies - plural???


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## FizzBomb

NoWhere said:


> I might get slammed, but after many times of treating my women I can get upset if the favor is not returned somehow. Not necessarily oral but just being treated somehow. My women receives oral about once a week usually and for atleast 30-50 minutes Usually sex follows, but sometimes I grab a toy and make her suffer for awhile .





kilgore said:


> *as a guy, u have to want to get your woman off with oral - u can't just rely on the dong.*
> 
> wait, ladies - plural???


I thought he said 'my women' . :lol:

The above bolded part in your post should be printed out and framed - would make for a great signature line :smthumbup:


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## kilgore

that and my avatar would make me quite the catch. lol.


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## omgitselaine

I actually enjoy giving oral very much where sometimes I feel it's when I'm giving head it's more for my ummmmm " enjoyment " than his  !!!!


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## DvlsAdvc8

^ This. That's exactly how I feel about going down.


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## omgitselaine

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> ^ This. That's exactly how I feel about going down.


Per Freud's 1st Stage in Psychosexual Developmental Stage ummmmmm I obviously was neglected as an infant haaaa thus why its a primary erogenous zone for little ole moi now ahem ahem 

Beats being fixated in Stage II  !!!


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## Tango

From what I can remember, I really liked getting oral sex. I do enjoy giving it but score keeping has become a part of my life lately.


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## memyselfandi

I never got into giving or getting oral with my ex..but we never had great sex so maybe that's where it differs with my hubby now..

We both give and receive. Best sex both of us have ever had to be honest. I don't know if there has to be this mega attraction between two people (as this is what we have) in order to enjoy it or not, but I guess it helps?


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## tria

I'm the same. I just dont like the smell down there and my hubby is not the cleanest. I dont think he pulls his foreskin down to wash and it always smells


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## treyvion

2XMarried said:


> I asked my wife for oral attention this morning since she was having a visit from her cycle. She wanted it bad but settled for just the oral. I don't think we've ever in 13 years not had sex after her giving me oral.


Wifey was happy to do that?


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## ariel_angel77

Most of my exes wouldn't even do it and still make me give a BJ. My H loves doing it, as long as I'm shaved down there. Which is reasonable.


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## barbados

So the thread title is : "Frequency and nature of oral sex"

Its not uncommon for W and I to have "just oral" sex, where I go down on her first to completion, and she reciprocates. We do that quite often.

As my W once said : " We're very oral people" LOL

As far as overall frequency, most of the time that we have sex oral is involved to varying degrees. 

And of course there are times we just have PIV without any oral, which is fun too !


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## over20

barbados said:


> So the thread title is : "Frequency and nature of oral sex"
> 
> Its not uncommon for W and I to have "just oral" sex, where I go down on her first to completion, and she reciprocates. We do that quite often.
> 
> As my W once said : " We're very oral people" LOL
> 
> As far as overall frequency, most of the time that we have sex oral is involved to varying degrees.
> 
> And of course there are times we just have PIV without any oral, which is fun too !


Sounds like you and your lovely wife have a great marriage...


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## StayInIt

I give unreciprocated head to my husband all the time. Sometimes it's because the Reds have invaded the playhouse, but more often than not it's because I have a chronic pain condition and don't feel up to intercourse all the time . I have never once received it back from him, nor do I ever expect to. He did it more during sex for about three months after I pointed it out to him but honestly I don't think he really likes to do it. So I think I will just let it go. If he is aroused it's fine but it's is not at all his favorite sexual activity so it would't occur to him to do that for me as a stand alone act. Honestly even though it was one of my favorite things in life, the hassle that comes along with getting it has kind of wreaked it for me. It's demoralizing to ask for something from your partner that they don't really like. I don't really feel comfortable with him doing down on me anymore so I usually stop him after short while to move into something else. He hasn't noticed and unless I bring it up he most certainly never will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inquizitivemind

I have heard of women not liking to receive this, and it is just beyond me. Nothing turns me on more than oral sex. Actual, my husband uses it as foreplay a lot because he knows that I love it so much.

He has no issues with doing this and never expects me to return the favor. Actually, I don't enjoy giving it to him, and he knows that. I do offer, but usually he says that he prefers intercourse to oral, and I am always up for doing that!


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## lynn-23

I am very lucky in that my husband LOVES to give me oral sex. And he will occasionally just want to do that and only that. Its amazing. Once, he actually climaxed himself from giving me oral. He was really embarrassed about that, but I thought it was sexy and very sweet.


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