# How to handle this situation



## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

Well to make a long story short, back at the end of May i caught my wife in a EA and what I think was a physical affair. All of the evidence leads me to believe that it was physical. Anyways, i filed for divorce immediately after I found out and we then immediately went to counselling to try and work on the relationship. She said that she wanted to work it out but wouldn't do anything that the counselor asked her to do regarding activities, etc. She Anyways, she also wouldn't quit her job, keep in mind that she cheated with a co-worker. Since the discovery, I have had tracking software on her phone and have been watching her like a hawk but not making it obvious and it seemed like the other relationship was over. We had even agreed to divorce one another anyways just because she wouldn't do any of the hard work that it took to repair what she had broken. But we had established a friendship so that we could be on good terms for our 15 month old son. We had even been hanging out and watching TV together even while living in seperate bedrooms. Anyways I came home from the gym last night with my son and she wasnt there. She normally gets off at 7pm and she wasnt answering her phone. So i located her with the GPS software that I installed and there she was at the guys house that she cheated on me with. So like an idiot I drive over there, it was 8:20pm when I tracked her and I got to his house at 8:40pm and she was walking out of his front door with a big grin on her face...until she saw me pulling in. When I pulled up I lost it. The guy ran back in his house and hid and was looking at me pointing at his phone like he was going to call the cops. I confronted my wife next and was just yelling at her in her face and I pushed her and back handed her. We proceeded to go home and I took all of her clothes and threw them in the garage and dumped a bag of trash on them and also snapped her phone in half and had her number cut off completely from my account. I am ashamed of what i did and I cant believe the person that she has made me. I feel so out of control, hurt and depressed and I know that i will end up in jail if anything like this ever happens again. This is not the person that i am and I am getting to the point where I really don't like myself, my life, etc. We are in a bind because we just bought a large home less than 2 years ago and neither of us can afford to live separately. We are listing our home on Sunday and I really don't think that it will sell anytime soon. I think that seeing her over at this guys house actually gave me some closure because i know that she is definitely not the kind of person that i want to be with. I also feel like I really need to work on myself because I literally snapped when I saw her in his driveway walking out of his house. I am glad things didn't turn out much worse than they did. I just dont know what to do and I need to get some distance from her and dont know how.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Do not leave the house or your kid. However refuse to speak to her. Treat her like a ghost who is gone. Total silence.

Oh, remember to expose to their work that the two of them are together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Do not leave the house or your kid. However refuse to speak to her. Treat her like a ghost who is gone. Total silence.
> 
> Oh, remember to expose to their work that the two of them are together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I cant expose to her work that the 2 of them are together because id run the risk of having to pay alimony if she lost her job, plus there is a clause in the divorce that i cant contact anyone at her workplace.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Well then when is the divorce done and the cheat %^%#} leaving?

Curious, what did she have to say for herself? Any shame?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Never ever lay your hand on her again. I can understand how upset you were, and rightfully so, but pushing and backhanding her is not the way. Ever. Under any circumstance. She could still very well call the police on you and that will seriously f-ck up you custody case possibilities.

You guys already agreed to a divorce, so see it through. Get your anger in check and don't do anything like this again.

I'm not surprised the OM ran into his house like a coward.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Indeed, JB. While the OP definitely shouldn't have laid a finger on her...I'd be interested to know what his wife thought of "Mr. Wonderful" hiding in the house brandishing a...phone...while she was being pushed around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

Jellybeans, you are so right. I have never hit a girl before and I feel terrible about it even under these circumstances. I am normally very even tempered and I cant say that I have ever lost my temper like that before but it will not happen again.

As far as when the divorce is supposed to be final, it was supposed to be on the 24th and her lawyer hasnt sent my lawyer any paperwork or anything. her lawyer is terrible and known for it, so if she dont produce anything soon I will have to pay my lawyer to draw them up, I hate to have to pay twice but if that is what I have to do so be it.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Try not to get so down on yourself. Cheating spouses can create a whole new personality in the LS. You recognize the gravity of the wrong and acknowledge it. That's good.

Dont let somebody with that type of character raise your son. He's yours.


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

I just hate that I am stuck in the same house with her until it sells, which could be up to a year or more. I just hope that we don't kill each other.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Start looking to put it on the market. Call a realtor. List it yourself online.


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

We are listing it on Sunday. I just think that we will kill each other before it sells.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No you won't. 

Stay above the fray. Take the higher road.

Now you need to think only in terms of seeing her as your soon to be ex and mother of your children, You need to treat her the way you would a colleague: civil, calm, cool, and confident around her. NO emotions involved whatsoever. Essentially you must look to her as she is a roommate. 

Keep your emotions in check.

Get out of the house, go for a jog, smile at a hot chick, wear good smelling cologne, buy new underwear, buy a new shirt, wear it, grab lunch with a friend, call up an old friend, call your grandma. Laugh. Smile. 

You will get through this. The house will be taken care of. And you will come out on the other side better than where you are now. Every time. Don't ever forget that.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Get a lawyer fast!!! She can call the cops on you at anytime and use the fact that you hit her into forcing you to give up more of your custody. Or she will put you in jail.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you packed up all her clothes and things and moved them to the garage? Have you locked her out of the bedroom?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

bsc820 said:


> I cant expose to her work that the 2 of them are together because id run the risk of having to pay alimony if she lost her job, plus there is a clause in the divorce that i cant contact anyone at her workplace.


Get someone else to expose them. She can't get alimony just because she got fired.

Expose him to his family and friends.

Cheaters hate the light. Tell her family and friends too. Don't let cheating be fun.


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## aniahunks (Oct 21, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Do not leave the house or your kid. However refuse to speak to her. Treat her like a ghost who is gone. Total silence.
> 
> Oh, remember to expose to their work that the two of them are together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sound like ignoring her. But it's a good lesson for her to learn.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

The very fact that she negotiated a "do not tell" clause for work in the divorce is very telling. She rather cover her butt? Her getting fired for defying company policy does not automatically get her alimony. In fact, my mother worked three jobs, my father one and she still got 800 in alimony a month for the first two years of divorce from him.

She also got half his gov pension (we're Canadian, Quebec Pension Plan and Canadian Pension Plan are paid through employment to the gov kind of like social security but a bit different in the rules).

They were married (bitterly) for 21 years. So getting alimony for losing her job for her actions is BS. Get a second opinion.

I don't respect you for hitting a woman (hopefully NOT in front of your child) but I do have some respect for you finding your nuts and divorcing someone who really doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

bsc820 said:


> I cant expose to her work that the 2 of them are together because id run the risk of having to pay alimony if she lost her job, plus there is a clause in the divorce that i cant contact anyone at her workplace.


So...you're already divorced?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Alimony has ZERO to do with whether you expose her at work or not. Nothing at all to do with it. Alimony will rest on what is stipulated via law/legalities/a judge.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I think what he means is that, if she has no job, the judge will order him to pay her alimony. So he chooses to let her get away with it, so that he doesn't have to pay her so much support. He's giving up and planning on life without her.


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