# heading to divorce and I am so confused



## Arora01 (Feb 19, 2014)

I started a thread almost a year ago: long story short, been married for 10 years, have a baby boy, found out husband watches porn (he came out and said he is addicted to pornography and going to therapy etc). I stood by him but things got bad so we separated for almost 2.5 months now. in these 2 months, he has come out and said that he didnt know himself, he doesnt know himself and he is trying to figure things out. I have done alot of research and have alot and he is the "classical case of male BPD). throughout our 10 years, he was lying, abusing alcohol, watching porn, everything. aside from that, he is passive aggressive and has no remorse for what he has done. he came out and told me that he did make out one drunken night with a woman in Las Vegas. 
well, 2 months forward, his therapist told him that I had "BPD traits" and i will never let him go by divorcing him. His therapist also told him that I wont be filing for divorce and that he will.

Anyhow, long story short, last night, he was out for work. our son was sick and i txted him and asked him if he could bring some medicine for him. he said he is out of town. then i asked him, can you please be honest. is there something going on with this woman from work (we separated mainly because of this woman, she flirted with him while he was in recovery; i suspected something and he had told his brother that she came on to him but he said no to her). 

so, he tells me, yes, we went on couple dates, we made out while we were drunk but she has a boyfriend and my situation is a mess so we talked about it and we are no longer doing anything. I said ok, what is the extend of "making out". he told me that he gave her a blow job after taking her to his new place, and they tried to have sex but he couldnt get (hard) so they didnt proceed. 
as he started talking, there seems to be so many holes in the story so i started asking more questions. 

I honestly believe he is lying but i am not sure what to make of it. he is lying either to punish me because i suspected something was going and kept on digging or he is lying because he is done with this marriage. he thinks he can do whatever he wants because we are "separated" or he thinks i wont file for divorce or leave him because in his mind i have BPD and people with BPD traits dont leave. after more questions, he said, "did you think i was going to come back", "i was done and I wouldnt", "when i walked out i was sure so i wouldnt come back and my personal life is none of your business".

He is spending his fridays with a friend or friend, this girl included. he has gotten a DWI but his story just doesnt make sense to me.


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Ugh, this guy does not sound like he has any interest in being a husband, sorry. You need to do what is best for you and your baby. There may not be a future with him, something you need to consider. Try to get him into joint counseling...who knows what this therapist is really telling him or what he is telling her about you. 

I think you are better off without this guy. Your child is young enough to adapt painlessly to having Daddy living elsewhere.


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## Arora01 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have never intended for him to come back. he needs to work on himself and feel whole. i just dont know if he is lying or telling the truth. he is "playing games". we cannot go to joint counseling because he told me that "its over" and we are divorced.


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