# Finally over and moving on



## debrag (Jul 4, 2013)

It is finally over and moving on after divorce.My now ex husband was abusive to me and I have PTSD which the abuse from him triggered.Plus he cheated on me during our 2 year marriage.I had enough of it.The divorce was final yesterday and I cleaned him out.Luckily,no kids.I am getting spousal support,the judge saw the police reports when the cops were came out and he was arrested for domestic violence.I get half of his retirement and pension money,he is 56 and retiring next week from a shop he works at for 36 years.He did not read it very well just in case a divorce happens,he set it up 4 years ago.He was not too happy when the judge decided I get half of his retirement and pension money.Did fight it so I could not get it.He put me through hell and it is over.A couple of my friends and I are going to celebrate tonight and the song wrong baby wrong is going to be played


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## lovelypeonies18 (Jul 26, 2013)

Sorry to hear it Didnt go well for you but glad you came out the other end and on top ! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How did you manage to get half his pension after a two year marriage?

C


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

I wonder the same? Two year marriage and you get half his pension?


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## debrag (Jul 4, 2013)

4 years ago,he set his retirement up when we started dating.I did my research,I can get a percentage of his retirement and pension money just in case there is a divorce.My lawyer even said this.He has to pay for my therapy bills too,I see a therapist every 2 weeks for my PTSD.I will be getting $500.00 a month for spousal support from him.He verbally abused,hit and slapped me.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

I am no money grabber. After being a stay at home mom for 8 yrs, and going back to work after I kicked my STBXH's sorry azz to the curb where it truly belongs, I now have a good job, with top benefits and a fully company-funded pension plan. 14 more years of work and I can retire.

As for what I got in my divorce - we were married 13 yrs and for about 8 of those years he was cheating on me (unbeknownst to me until recently).

- I get $1300 a month in alimony (with no end date)
- $1280 a month in child support.
- Half of his pension which I can start collecting in 6 yrs time at the tune of $3300 a month.
- Half of his 800 hrs accrued sick and vacation pay at $60 an hour, paid to me in cash.
- Got to keep my car, which is fully paid for.
- I have no debt, he has to pay his huge student loans on his own and his car lease and a multitude of credit cards he took out and racked up debt on since I kicked him out.
- He will be getting hit with another child support order in about 3 mths when the skank he got pregnant gives birth.

I am walking out of this sick man's life with the knowledge I am not a cheater, and I took my vows seriously. I have no baggage or explanations to tell the next man in my life. He on the other hand has to explain he cheated on his wife and got his daughter's friend pregnant (eewww)... And he will be dead broke due to what he pays me and what she is going to hit him for.

He was going to retire in 6 yrs he will now be working until he is at least 63 because that's how old he will be when his latest child (to the skank) turns 18 and he won't have to pay child support anymore.

*Goes to show cheating and lying does not pay and the grass is not greener.*

I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm a gold digger. I loved my husband deeply and I wanted my marriage to work, I gave him chance after chance only to be screwed over and humiliated time and time again. After the emotional and abusive turmoil he has put me through, the damage to my soul this man has inflected and for abandoning our special needs child, I believe:

*I EARNED EVERY SINGLE PENNY *of my divorce settlement.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

But realize that you would have gotten all of that even if _*you*_ had been the cheater.

Note to self: Marriage is not an option


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I was just curious, wasn't meaning to imply anyone was a gold-digger or anything. Around here, property division is limited to what's accumulated during the marriage. And spousal support is usually limited to at most the length of the marriage. Child support is till the end of the child's first degree, though. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Well I got 50% of my exs 401k which wiped it out as he had already taken out a loan for the other half. I know it was not all accumulated during the length of our marriage. I probably should have gotten half of the amount I ended up getting.....so didn't seem to me they really investigated how much I actually should have gotten. Just took the 50% of the entire amount before he took out his loan. 

Now he has nothing left other than whatever he is paying back to himself.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

ThreeStrikes said:


> But realize that you would have gotten all of that even if _*you*_ had been the cheater.
> 
> Note to self: Marriage is not an option


Yep you are right. California = no fault. Doesn't matter what they do or who they cheat with its just about numbers.

Bring back fault-based divorce. I think it would put more people off cheating


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

PBear said:


> I was just curious, wasn't meaning to imply anyone was a gold-digger or anything. Around here, property division is limited to what's accumulated during the marriage. And spousal support is usually limited to at most the length of the marriage. Child support is till the end of the child's first degree, though.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't take it as you implying I was a gold digger at all. I got merely what the State of CA says I am entitled to yet some of his low-life friends - the same friends who think him getting his daughter's friend pregnant and cheating on his wife for years is no big deal) have implied I "took him to the cleaners" or I'm out to screw him". Some have made comments here and there that I "ruined his life". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Like I did something wrong filing and asking the court to divide our assets.

The older I get the more I see people NEVER cease to amaze me.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Regardless of whether a State is no-fault or not ( I'm pretty sure most of them are), the 50/50 split is almost always more advantageous to the woman.

There is a much greater potential for a woman to punish an abusive/cheating husband during and after D, than vice versa.

I agree with Athol Kay when he says legal marriages have very little benefit for today's man.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> *Goes to show cheating and lying does not pay and the grass is not greener.*


Not accurate. But I understand your wishful thinking.

My ex-wife lives the same lifestyle she did while we were married. Nice house on a cul de sac in a nice development. Drives a Benz. All paid for by me. Fvcks whomever she wants. Meanwhile, I'm living in a 1000 sq ft condo. Driving a Toyota.:scratchhead:

From all appearances, she was the smart one, no?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

ThreeStrikes said:


> But realize that you would have gotten all of that even if _*you*_ had been the cheater.
> 
> Note to self: Marriage is not an option


Yep. Married 12 years. He cheated (multiple EAs) and I've been in therapy for emotional and verbal abuse. He got 1/2 my pension, which wasn't much. He didn't have a pension to offset it. I got nothing back for the student loans I helped to pay off, I only got part of my mom's inheritance back (wouldn't have gotten any of it if we hadn't used part of it for a downpayment for a car that I never wanted to buy -- the majority that went to pay down debt was just lost). He pays no child support out of pocket -- we split my son's portion of my ex's disability payment. He is on SS disability for a 'nervous breakdown' and is working at the same time (which he keeps). Got a government-paid Master's degree, while I quit school and lost my credits when I took care of him during what I now have serious doubts was even a real breakdown. 

I got half the equity when he bought my half of the house from me, I got our paid-off 15-year-old beat-up car, I got a few thousand dollars from him buying my half of the other car (that my mom's inheritance bought). 


And yes, he still thinks I'm a gold-digger.


And, no, marriage will never again be an option.



ETA: Athol Kay never met my ex. The only way I came out ahead in this is that I'm not married to him anymore.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

But not to detract from the OP's good news -- Congrats, debrag!! Have a great time celebrating your escape, and I wish you continued healing.


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## debrag (Jul 4, 2013)

He has investments in his name worth of thousandths and I could not touch them,from 10 years ago.I will be collecting the pension and retirement starting next month,$3,200 from the pension and $2,000 from the retirement a month.I am keeping my head up high and hopefully find a man that will treat me right.


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