# Deployments, Divorce, Desperate



## LuvN8d7 (Aug 6, 2010)

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over porn. While on his computer looking through music I found some porn that he had recently downloaded. When I confronted him about it he said he was downloading it for a friend. We had many discussions and arguments about these types of issues in the past. I will admit that today it got of of control and I stated that I wanted a divorce. He's been home from a 1 year deployment for almost 2 weeks and I think that the stress from the deployment and reintergration are taking their toll on our family. I have uprooted from the west coast to be here on the east coast with him. I'll admit I am very unhappy, but he is not acknowledging my feelings or sacrifices. Am I overreacting? How am I to be more understanding of things that he is going through, if I am just not happy? Is it time to call it quits? Why would he lie and say that the porn belonged to someone else? PLEASE HELP...I told him I wanted a divorce


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Go to militaryonesource.com and call the number for counseling. They will provide you with three names of counselors and phone numbers. You will get 6 sessions before you have to go through Tricare if you need to continue. 

You said that you have talked about the porn before and argued about it before, but no solution seems to have come from it. I know for some it is really something that they can't handle, and if that is you, then talk to him and the counselor and learn to communicate WHY it is so hurtful for you. Reintegration is horrible after deployments (been there a few times myself) and tensions are running high. I am one of the few that believe the hardest thing about deployments are when they get back. Readjusting and relearning each other. Its really difficult. Sit down with your H and tell him you think you overreacted with your statement about wanting a divorce ( if indeed that is what you did) and talk about the counseling. If he has only been home for 2 weeks then he should have a good amount of downtime to attend some sessions with you.


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## TheBetheas2012 (Jun 16, 2012)

A little late, but here are my 2 cents from the deployed soldier point of view.....
The majority of us are married. Every single man here, from E-1 to E-8 has porn on their computer. It's something that we're very open to our brothers about, and we even share downloaded porn (transfers to hard drives, not literally). It's something that helps us out with being away. As far as re-integration and what not, regardless of MOS, we have been thru things that it is really hard to relate to, from something as simple as doing our laundry in a bowl all the way up to loading a brother on a MEDEVAC helicopter, these are just things that are so hard to relate to. 

As far as him not relating to your sacrifices and whatnot, I've had the same problems. I'll call home and my wife will complain about things that to me, I'd would be SO happy if those were my only problems of the day, but to her, these problems wrecked her whole day. It's a completely different world when you're deployed. Don't pass the judgement on him too quick....he'll adjust. Just give him time.


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