# Married Female having gay sex with husband



## newday (Aug 29, 2011)

I have been married for close to 20 years. My husband and I have always been daring and open with our sexual explorations and have shared these experiences together. In hindsight, all of them were a terrible mistake. It weakened our bond, commitment and respect for each other. 
In the mist of our openness, my husband found excitement in watching gay porn. Men with men. We included the porn in many of our encounters. Then we included a sex toy which I would wear around my waist and he would enjoy orally and anally. Or as an alternative, I would tell him a dirty gay story and he would masturbate. Heterosexual sex became less and less. It has now been over 5 years, and heterosex sex is rare. If I do request it, it is always the same, from behind, very little contact prior. 
I have asked him if he is gay or would like to be with a man and his answer is no. That he enjoys the gay sex because it is with me. That I am safe and I am his wife. I have checked up on him in every which way, he is not with any man. Although as a teenager, he did have an encounter, he states he does not want a man.
I just cannot do it anymore, I hate to say "one morning I just woke up and grossed out" but it just is not okay with me anymore. I dont know what to do.


----------



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Have you communicated this with your H? I certainly wouldn't continue with the gay sex if he's not reciprocating your wanting "hetro" sex, or not actually making an effort to satisfy if you do have "hetro" sex. IMO, this is one of those situations where everything is better in "moderation" and the "gay" sex has worn out it's welcome in the five years this has been going on.


----------



## Cross (Aug 1, 2011)

He's gay. Basically, you are his man, and your toy allows his mind to accept that and please him without leaving someone he loves.

He also is committed to you. It's your decision whether you want to try and fix your marriage, but his nature will not change.

What a really rough situation to be in. Best of luck.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it sounds more like a fetish obsession more than being a strict gay or hetero or bisexual thing

I'd suggest a counselor who has sex therapy as a specialty, you need to get to the root of his obsession and communicate to him how it isn't satisfying for you as it is for him and how your needs should be met as well


----------



## Cross (Aug 1, 2011)

Almostrecovered, I must disagree. They have not had almost any normal 'hetero' sex in years. How would that be a fetish?

I think the guy loves his wife. I also think he's gay and trying to make the best of things.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I wouldn't be ok with this. Maybe once in a while, but for 5 years? I like being a woman. If my husband needs to be with a man, he should go find one.


----------



## saya2saya (Aug 28, 2011)

I do have similar type of fantasies....and I can clearly say that i am NOT a GAY.......so in my opinion, there is nothing to worry as long as u can improve the frequency of normal hetrosex and just make this fantasy of helping ur husband to become ur woman once in a while only.....try to discourage slowly slowly and u will win...


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Cross said:


> Almostrecovered, I must disagree. They have not had almost any normal 'hetero' sex in years. How would that be a fetish?
> 
> I think the guy loves his wife. I also think he's gay and trying to make the best of things.



No he has no desire to be with men but rather repetitively act out on certain impulses, now the fetish is most certainly homosexual in fantasy but the obsessive act and only wanting sex in a particular manner makes it a fetish
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cross (Aug 1, 2011)

He makes his wife wear a strap on and use it on him to get off, after watching loads of gay porn. That's not just a fetish. That's a dude who is gay

He most certainly has a desire to be with a 'man'. It's just his wife is 'the guy' for now.


----------



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Have you tried maybe working in femdom porn?

I would at least attempt it, I know a couple..where he isn't gay so much as he likes being dominated by his woman in the same ways you're describing your sex life for the past years. Perhaps, he's seeing the gay porn as a man being belittled and getting off on that?

I would give it a go if you haven't. Test out and see if maybe that'll sit well with him and open a new sex life chapter for the two of you.

<edit> I meant working in as like, working them into the films you're watching, not like actually working in them  I re-read it and realized it sounded funny lol


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I have to agree with Cross. Dont get offended because he tells it like is. The man is gay. Zero desire for a vagina while loads of desire for a penis = gay.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

sinnister said:


> I have to agree with Cross. Dont get offended because he tells it like is. The man is gay. Zero desire for a vagina while loads of desire for a penis = gay.



^^^^I agree
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You want to have mutually satisfying intimate love-making. Right now you are giving your husband sex and not getting anything out of it. Why would you continue for 5 whole years??? 

Enough already, stop what you are doing. You are asking him to fulfill your needs and he has no motivation to do so. Why should he he has everything he wants and needs - wife, mother, man to have sex with. What do you get?

Stop and reassess. Do you think that you realized that he was gay very early on in the relationship but ignored your feelings? You said you both have been adventurous but thinking back, do you think he maneuvered you into this arrangement? 

He may have known he was gay before he married and found a cleaver was to get a wife for cover and still get gay sex. Who talked who into the adventures? 

It may be less lonely to get him out than to stay and be his male partner and let him use you to hide out. Just simply stop, say what you need to continue in the marriage and if he can't do it then go your separate ways. Let him face who he is without hiding behind you and using you.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

:iagree:



sinnister said:


> I have to agree with Cross. Dont get offended because he tells it like is. The man is gay. Zero desire for a vagina while loads of desire for a penis = gay.


----------



## newday (Aug 29, 2011)

Thank you for your insight. I have had some discussion with him regarding my feelings and his response was that maybe he took the "kinky" too far. 
I think he is in denial. 
What everyone has commented is all things I knew myself. I just needed to hear it -- funny how things end up sometimes in life.
I appreciate everyone's time you to respond to my mess.


----------

