# BDSM, injury making sex difficult



## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

My H and I have been married (no kids) for 3.5 years and we have (and have had since the very beginning) a very happy dominant/submissive relationship. We have a sex issue that I'd like some input on. Several years before we met, when he was in the army, H's wrist was shattered. He's had surgery and physical therapy, but being on top and having to support his weight (he's 160 lbs) is painful and distracting. Missionary is definitely my/our favorite position, and sometimes (not often) we have amazing start-to-finish sex in that position, but usually he can't do it for very long because of his wrist. (We do plenty of non-PIV BDSM stuff as well which is great, and his wrist isn't an issue there.)

He often puts me on top to relieve his wrist but I really do NOT like it and only do it because he tells me to. Our dynamic is that I'm the submissive so being on top and "in control", at least physically, feels really unnatural and uncomfortable and unsexy to me, and I cannot get into it (plus I'm truly bad at it). I've tried fantasizing about it but I can't even do that. He can't O when I'm on top either, I don't think he's able to get into it either for the same reasons. From behind is the best in terms of his comfort but he is intense with it and it's usually over in way less time than missionary. So basically when his wrist is bothering him, we start in missionary, then me on top (to prolong it, but sometimes he partially loses his erection during this part), then doggy, anal, or oral to finish. Lately I've mostly just been giving him oral because (this is weird but true) this time of year with the changing weather affects his wrist and it hurts more than usual, (and also because he's going through an oral phase). Which is fine but also makes me wonder if part of that is that he's not really as satisfied by PIV as he'd like. He doesn't complain but I'm trying to do my half here.

Spooning doesn't work for us (maybe our anatomy is wrong, but it seriously doesn't work at all ) - though that's how we usually sleep, strangely enough. We've tried or talked about trying a bunch of positions and we just keep coming back to our two favorites, is that normal? I don't know. Maybe we're boring :scratchhead:. I'm somewhat taller than he is and while I'm muscular and strong, I'm not particularly flexible so the more acrobatic positions are not really up our alley (and in my experience they are not really that great - again, maybe I'm a bore).

The prognosis on his injury is "it's never going to get any better and it's basically arthritic and will just get worse".  He's more or less resigned to the situation (when it happened, he couldn't even eat with that hand for months and now he can play piano, so he feels lucky that it's as good as it is, maybe that's why he's not more cut up about it?). I feel like after 3.5 yrs though, if posting about this on TAM can give me some ideas on how to improve the situation, why not, you know?

Any suggestions about how I can overcome my hangups about being on top / other positions that don't really seem to fit our dominant/submissive dynamic? Any insight from someone in a D/s, BDSM, etc marriage would be awesome too, but all input is very welcome - thanks in advance!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

100 sex positions | Kamasutra sex positions - Sex positions - kamasutra sex positions

Missionary can still be done with your bottom at the end of the bed while he stands between your legs. LOTS of simple work arounds. 

BDSM calls for absolute sexual openness and trust. Your doubts and misgivings about his "maybe not liking PIV" scream to me that this trust and openness is lacking and therefor the BDSM dynamic needs to be put on hold until full trust returns.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

How about him supporting himself on his elbows instead of his wrists - maybe worth a try.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Maybe try a sex swing?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> Maybe try a sex swing?


I LOVE my sex swing!


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Jealous of Anon who has a swing. Can imagine the fun a swing would be. That trumps my massage table!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Happyquest said:


> Jealous of Anon who has a swing. Can imagine the fun a swing would be. That trumps my massage table!


Hate to sound like a spoiled princess, but I want a massage table too! The sex swing can only be used in an empty house (which almost never happens) or a hotel.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

here is the link for the massage table. Amazon.com: Sierra Comfort Professional Series Portable Massage Table: Health & Personal Care


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> Link please.


Sex Toys by adameve.com - Adult Sex Toys – Sex Toys for Couples - sex swing

This is the one we have. I noticed they had a better model that allows for from behind positioning, but that one has to be mounted to the ceiling where as the one we have hangs over a door.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

hmm, may be starting a sex swing/massage table fund shortly! 

Anon - him standing next to the bed - we do that sometimes with like five pillows under my butt (our bed is really low I guess? and other furniture in our house doesn't seem much better) and that does work. Thanks for reminding me - we'd kind of forgotten about that one!

NorCal - on his elbows might work - I don't think he's ever tried that. I'll definitely suggest it and see if it works!


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Get a set of these if your bed is low. It makes it the perfect height just saying. 

Plastic Bed Risers - Set of 4 : Target


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

I tend to like it better when the man is on his elbows as opposed to holding himself up- more intimate. Maybe he is afraid to rest any of his weight on you.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Sex Toys by adameve.com - Adult Sex Toys – Sex Toys for Couples - sex swing
> 
> This is the one we have. I noticed they had a better model that allows for from behind positioning, but that one has to be mounted to the ceiling where as the one we have hangs over a door.


It seems like the door would get in the way......:scratchhead:


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