# We're Both Pregnant.



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

Long time watcher, first time post.

We are still married. 7 Years. Together for 10. Separated in June 2016.
Went through 7 years of infertility, many surgeries and procedures. SO said he could live with or without kids.

He started dating current GF in November. She was pregnant by January. She miscarried, and found out she had cancer. This is when he begged for me back. 
We were sleeping together from January until I found out I was pregnant in April.

What I didn't know is they did fertility treatment in Jan/Feb after her miscarriage to conceive again.
We conceived on the same day. I was with him that morning, he was with her that night. We are due on the same day.

Since finding out I am pregnant, he has told me he chooses her and their baby over me and ours. Our communication broke down so badly, that hes telling her that its not his child; that he wants nothing to do with me or our child. I forced him to have sex with me, that our baby was a mistake and made by force.. and that their baby was wanted, and made by love.
He doesn't want to fight for our child, doesn't want anything to do with it. Apparently "its better this way"

I'm dying. Trying not to cry while I type this. He refuses to talk to me now. Tells her how much he hates me, and she seems super glad to pass this along to me.

That's not all. In the last 2 weeks it has come out that during our entire marriage; he cheated on me. He got a girl pregnant and helped her abort it before our separation. He has contracted multiple STD's and has been with many Craigslist Men, and women. Escorts, lines or credit and drugs. Other girls he randomly had long running affairs with... he told her everything - and in turn she was kind enough to bestow all this on me.

But the best has yet to come. His new pregnant GF has discovered emails trying to hook up with men on Craigslist again, on Easter. He ran into a girl he knew at a brunch they were at - added her to FB and proceeded to message her all kinds of things he wanted to do to her. Of course this all behind the current girlfriends back.

What's rich - is the girlfriend says he cheated on her, with me. His wife.

I am currently in the 180 with both of them. No contact. I don't know if its because im pregnant with his child or because I still love him? But I have dreams.. I cant make them go away I'm trying so hard. It seems like I get two steps ahead and then I have a dream.. and I fall behind. The pain is so great. 

I gave this man my entire life. I was loyal, loving.. I gave him everything. I guess trusting him, and not checking his phone was my mistake. I caused this because I didn't check up on him.

I guess.. I'm just needing a bit of support. I feel like my situation is rare, I search the internet to relate but nothing comes up. I'm sorry.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry for what you are going through. This is awful. 

You deserve better than him. You know that now. It will take you time to heal. But you will get better with time. The 180 is a good idea for you now. It will help you heal a lot quicker.

Once your baby is born, you can get a court ordered DNA test to prove that he’s the father of your child. Plus, since you are still married, he will be the legal father of your child. Then again, if you can make it financially without child support, this is a man who you might not want in your child’s life. You need to think about that.

You know that his current gf is going to get what she deserves when she figures out what he’s doing and what he’s like. 

Do you have family near who can help you at this time?


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Above all, contact your primary care physician and be checked for any and all STD's that can harm you and the precious life within you.

Next step is a lawyer to ensure your child and you (until you can stand unassisted financially) are taken care of financially... no matter how lost he is, the obligation due is something that needs to legally happen, get a lawyer that will go after him with the fees.

With the lawyer comes some counseling... and quickly, no time to waste because your mental health is influential to your physical health, the heart and mind work together or fail together. Get your lawyer on board with this need too, the list of dues will grow quickly for he who has lost his way and knows only suffering and the sharing of such.

Even if his senses began to right themselves, the trust lost is something that is suddenly yesterday... tomorrow will be a a better start than you had today even if it doesn't seem like it now. Refusing to talk to you is a huge favor to you right now... his words tear you down and hurt so keeping them away is best.

He squandered your love for him and in such actions, even his love for himself.

Leave that his problem, right now, you are priority... please keep yourself there.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP this is terrible for you, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Your husband can "refuse anything to do with" the baby as much as he likes, he IS still legally responsible for supporting that child. Whether he wants to or not, is irrelevant. See an attorney asap and find out your rights. The moment the child is born, file for child support.

His mistress is irrelevant to you, don't waste a moment of your precious energy thinking about her. Block her from all your devices and only communicate with your husband about the baby.

I sincerely hope you won't be taking him back down the track.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@romanticided

How are you fixed financially? Are you working and supporting yourself? Do you have health insurance?

Do see a lawyer as soon as you can. If you need some financial support, you can ask the court for interim spousal support from him. And you can ask that he help pay for your medical bills. You are still married. He is as financially responsible for them as you are.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

You deserve way better. Your ahem husband is one sick puppy and probably headed for a path of destruction that you should not be a part of. And the ***** will be the one run over by the Karma bus.


----------



## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

> But the best has yet to come. His new pregnant GF has discovered emails trying to hook up with men on Craigslist again, on Easter. He ran into a girl he knew at a brunch they were at - added her to FB and proceeded to message her all kinds of things he wanted to do to her. Of course this all behind the current girlfriends back.


----------



## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Get tested and run your hubby is a snake, the only advice you need is how big a hammer to hit him with in court


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You need to take it well beyond "the 180!"

Time to schedule a visit with a good "piranha" family attorney to help you assess both your property and custodial rights!

Sounds greatly like your H never really grew up!*


----------



## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I am sorry you are here my Lady. 

To be honest with you,you are better without him. Reading what you say about him is enough for me to already hate him and I dont even know him. He is a bad man. 

Try and be happy for yourself and your unborn Child. Dont listen what both of them have to say,because they are trying to hurt you.
Ask for support from Family or a good Friend. You know,to have someone to talk and share stories about pregnancy. 
This is not the end for you,it is only start of new life. 

Talk with your Lawyer. Sue him for Child support. You and your Child deserve much better.

Stay strong.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

This is so messed up. So sorry you are going thru this. Everything happens for the best, you may not see this now but some day in the future you will understand what a favor he did to you and your child by leaving. Please keep your doctors appoints and continue to take care of yourself. 

Tell friends and family of whats going and reach out for help. And like everyone says go and get a lawyer and go after his cheating behind. 

Keep up your 180 and do not listen to anything the OW says, block all communication with these people.

I wish all the best. Lots of hugs.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

You may not realize this now, but she did you a favor. If it wouldn't have been her it would have been someone else. Real men can't be stolen. Remember that. ((((HUGS)))))

They haven't been together that long and he's already doing the same stuff to her..


----------



## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

It may not seem like it but you are actually in a place of power. You can file for child support the same day the baby is born. Whoever files first gets first dibs and any secondary children get a percentage of his income that is left over after support is taken out for the first child. As long as he is over there playing happy family, the OW won't be filing first. She is the one who is risking her health and child sleeping with him. She is dealing with a lying cheater and she has zero claim to anything of his while unmarried. She really got the raw deal here even if it doesn't feel like it yet. Take care of yourself and make time to see a lawyer sooner rather than later to get the ball rolling.


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Once your baby is born, you can get a court ordered DNA test to prove that he’s the father of your child.
> Plus, since you are still married, he will be the legal father of your child.
> You know that his current gf is going to get what she deserves when she figures out what he’s doing and what he’s like.
> Do you have family near who can help you at this time?


EleGirl thank you for your kind words. He wants a DNA test done anyway, anything he can think of to get out of paying child support. The good news is; in the country I live in he would have to pay to have this done. Downside to the country I live in - is Marriage basically means nothing here. Even if hes not on the birth certificate and doesnt have his last name - he would still have to pay.
This GF already knows. He gave her a promise ring the other day with the promise that he will 'Get better' so he can marry her before their baby is born.

I do have family. I live with my parents right now. It doesn't make this any easier.


Emerging Buddhist said:


> Above all, contact your primary care physician and be checked for any and all STD's that can harm you and the precious life within you.
> 
> Next step is a lawyer to ensure your child and you (until you can stand unassisted financially) are taken care of financially... no matter how lost he is, the obligation due is something that needs to legally happen, get a lawyer that will go after him with the fees.
> 
> With the lawyer comes some counseling... and quickly, no time to waste because your mental health is influential to your physical health, the heart and mind work together or fail together. Get your lawyer on board with this need too, the list of dues will grow quickly for he who has lost his way and knows only suffering and the sharing of such.


Thanks Emerging Buddhist. Since im pregnant Ive been getting checked regularly by my baby dr. I have not had my results back yet from my tests. I have a feeling he has given me something, I just dont know what yet.

I have been given free legal advise. He does not make enough money to give me spousal support, and because this child is raised in a home separate from him he has no guardianship over my kid. He will have the right to access but at my discretion. At this point he has told me he doesn't even want that. He wants nothing to do with this child at all. Except I guess to pay the child support I will ask for when the baby is finally born. I have been to counseling about this... I find it unhelpful. I get hmms and awwwhs.. but no actual advise. Just sympathy.. I have enough of that to go around right now.



EleGirl said:


> How are you fixed financially? Are you working and supporting yourself? Do you have health insurance?
> 
> Do see a lawyer as soon as you can. If you need some financial support, you can ask the court for interim spousal support from him. And you can ask that he help pay for your medical bills. You are still married. He is as financially responsible for them as you are.


EleGirl I'm currently off work for maturity leave. I was able to get this because i've been at my current job for over 12 years. I plan on going back to this job when this financial payment is over. I will be able to support my child. I do have health insurance, the country I live in provides this for free to low income peoples. I do have extended medical as well when I am actually working at my job. 
I do not have medical bills luckily because of the country I live in does not charge peoples to have children. Free healthcare.

Thank you to everyone else who has responded. I really appreciate it. At this point im a day in from the 180 from both of them and im very depressed. Its hard for me to get out of bed. She decided to use FB to add to my pain and post pictures of him helping her with the doppler with a comment of I'm glad your here for our baby even when we fight you're going to be my babys daddy. It just makes me sick.


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

nekonamida said:


> It may not seem like it but you are actually in a place of power. You can file for child support the same day the baby is born. Whoever files first gets first dibs and any secondary children get a percentage of his income that is left over after support is taken out for the first child. As long as he is over there playing happy family, the OW won't be filing first. She is the one who is risking her health and child sleeping with him. She is dealing with a lying cheater and she has zero claim to anything of his while unmarried. She really got the raw deal here even if it doesn't feel like it yet. Take care of yourself and make time to see a lawyer sooner rather than later to get the ball rolling.


Nekonamida, Yes you're right I can file the same day the baby is born. Good thing about being married to him still (although he will probably try and file the divorce before our kids are born) is that I will have the first claim to the support. Double edge sword is that she will be having a C-section a little less than a month before mine will be born. She did say she will go for child support. Although - if they marry and move in together - he will not be paying her child support.. so I guess I have to wait to see how the dice fall.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

romanticided said:


> Long time watcher, first time post.
> 
> We are still married. 7 Years. Together for 10. Separated in June 2016.
> Went through 7 years of infertility, many surgeries and procedures. SO said he could live with or without kids.
> ...


Sorry for what you are going through but honestly you are so much better off without this man who could so callously cast you aside, cheat on you with men and women, contract STDs which could affect either child, etc. His GF will suffer a fate worse than you, it may not seem like it now but you are making a lucky escape from a long time of suffering and misery from a man who really doesn't care about anyone but his own selfish desires.

Use this time to make an absolutely clean break from him, get a lawyer to see your rights, claim support for your child, turn to your family, tell them what he has done. Rid him from your life completely like the parasite he is.


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

aine said:


> Sorry for what you are going through but honestly you are so much better off without this man who could so callously cast you aside, cheat on you with men and women, contract STDs which could affect either child, etc. His GF will suffer a fate worse than you, it may not seem like it now but you are making a lucky escape from a long time of suffering and misery from a man who really doesn't care about anyone but his own selfish desires.
> 
> Use this time to make an absolutely clean break from him, get a lawyer to see your rights, claim support for your child, turn to your family, tell them what he has done. Rid him from your life completely like the parasite he is.


aine, thank you for your comment. Everyone keeps saying this - that I am better off. As does he. I know this is a lucky escape, and that I was able to take those rose colored glasses off. Finally. He has cheated on me since day one, and has been doing the same to this GF since day one. I know that you cant change a leopards spots. I know that although he makes claims he will "Get better" to her.. he wont. He said those same words to me for our entire relationship. As someone had pointed out. He never really grew up. 

I have told my support system everything. They have been here for the entire ride. It has cast alot of pain onto my parents who are trying their best to support me. On top of all of this, my depression has kept me at a disconnect from this pregnancy and I dont feel like I am able to be a mother to this child. I pray that my heart will change. I want to rid of him, and I am so hurt by all he has done. 

It does not stop my heart from dying. I loved him for a good half of my life. The pain is so great.. I gave him everything and now I have nothing.


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

frusdil said:


> OP this is terrible for you, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
> 
> Your husband can "refuse anything to do with" the baby as much as he likes, he IS still legally responsible for supporting that child. Whether he wants to or not, is irrelevant. See an attorney asap and find out your rights. The moment the child is born, file for child support.
> 
> ...


frusdil, thank you for your comment. I wanted to just mention that No, I will never take him back down the road. Too much has been said and done. There is no forgiveness for him left. When we had our last conversation 2 weeks ago he said I would eventually forgive him and come back to him because "I need his d*ck". This, is entirely untrue. The last thing I would ever want is his "d*ck" that has been in so many places I dont even want to think about it. 

I'm trying not to think about either of them right now.. but like I had mentioned I've only cut her off yesterday. We were trying to keep communication open because our children will be sisters but every time I turn around she was rubbing everything she could in my face. I finally had enough.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

She's rubbing in your face that she's got a cheating, scummy piece of trash?

That's rich.

Your problem is that part of you imagines she's getting a prize and will have this great life.

Why don't you tell her that you pity her? You know what she's got, and she knows it too which is why she tries to stick things in your face.

Don't give her the reaction she wants. In fact, why don't you send her flowers and thank her for taking a piece of **** off of your hands? Suggest she keep a recurring appt at the clinic thanks to his regular Craigslist hookups.

End the card with "good luck honey, you're going to need it".


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

lifeistooshort said:


> She's rubbing in your face that she's got a cheating, scummy piece of trash?
> 
> That's rich.
> 
> ...


Lifeistooshort - your post made me cry. You're right, you hit the nail on the head. He claims he has never been so in love with someone EVER. Shes a prize, so beautiful so perfect. (Edit - She has told me that she down graded when she started dating him. She told him this. I also seen pictures of her Exs... and yes. She did. So for her, hes not a perfect prize.) He could change his cheating ways for her. According to him. So yeah, in my mind... they are going to have this great life. I'm hurting so bad because I thought that's what we were going to have. I know im a fool, and now I know that no matter what happened... that was never going to be in the cards. Its just so raw.

I didn't give her the reaction she wanted, actually - I ended it exactly as you suggested. I said, "Good Luck with that." and I blocked her. I maintained the entire time we talked that he was a total gross dirty creep and that no matter what I didnt want him, I wanted him to recognize and be there for his child. I made sure she knew I didnt wish for him back, or that I missed him. I insisted he was a piece of sh*t. So... I feel good about that. I also made sure to rub it in her face that even though he was untrue to me, I never checked his tech and vise versa. Their relationship consists of constantly showing eachother their phones... even though he tends to make sure everything is deleted before he hands it over. Whats the point? false reassurance? who knows. 

I just finished visiting with my support, and she suggested that I come up with a kind way story that I would need to stick to - to tell my child why their father didnt want to be in her life... even though we live in the same city... why her father is an amazing dad to sister - but refuses to accept her in his life. I can't think of a single thing. 

Thanks for making a comment. I appreciate it.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

romanticided said:


> Lifeistooshort - your post made me cry. You're right, you hit the nail on the head. He claims he has never been so in love with someone EVER. Shes a prize, so beautiful so perfect. He could change his cheating ways for her. According to him. So yeah, in my mind... they are going to have this great life. I'm hurting so bad because I thought that's what we were going to have. I know im a fool, and now I know that no matter what happened... that was never going to be in the cards. Its just so raw.
> 
> I didn't give her the reaction she wanted, actually - I ended it exactly as you suggested. I said, "Good Luck with that." and I blocked her. I maintained the entire time we talked that he was a total gross dirty creep and that no matter what I didnt want him, I wanted him to recognize and be there for his child. I made sure she knew I didnt wish for him back, or that I missed him. I insisted he was a piece of sh*t. So... I feel good about that. I also made sure to rub it in her face that even though he was untrue to me, I never checked his tech and vise versa. Their relationship consists of constantly showing eachother their phones... even though he tends to make sure everything is deleted before he hands it over. Whats the point? false reassurance? who knows.
> 
> ...



Sounds like you handled it well. Just remember that tigers don't change their stripes..... you're either a person of integrity or you're not.

And he's shown that he's not. Such a person doesn't automatically develop integrity with a shiny new toy.

Has it occurred to you that your child might be better off without someone like that in their life? I'm not suggesting you stand in his way if he wants to have a relationship with his child, but I am suggesting that you're not responsible for it. 

**** him.....ignore him and pursue child support only. If he makes an effort that's fine but do not go out of your way for him. Do what's convenient for you and good for your child.

When I split from my ex he pretty much never contacted our kids unless it was the couple times of year he got them. I did not care and made no effort to contact him, and they never asked for him. When he moved back to our area and wanted to see them I said sure, at my convenience. They're teens now and they have their own relationship with him that I don't get involved in. I might if I thought it was unhealthy but it's ok.

I still think you should consider sending her flowers.....it might be therapeutic for you. You could even attach a phony gift certificate for Std testing


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romanticided said:


> Its hard for me to get out of bed. She decided to use FB to add to my pain and post pictures of him helping her with the doppler with a comment of I'm glad your here for our baby even when we fight you're going to be my babys daddy. It just makes me sick.


Block her and his Facebook. You don't need that sort of nonsense in your life.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romanticided said:


> Nekonamida, Yes you're right I can file the same day the baby is born. Good thing about being married to him still (although he will probably try and file the divorce before our kids are born) is that I will have the first claim to the support. Double edge sword is that she will be having a C-section a little less than a month before mine will be born. She did say she will go for child support. Although - if they marry and move in together - he will not be paying her child support.. so I guess I have to wait to see how the dice fall.


I don't know how where you are, but here a generally a divorce cannot be finalize until the baby is born if the wife is pregnant during the divorce.

You might want to check with a solicitor, you might be able to file for child support before the baby is born. For example, you might be able to file of divorce and have child support pending as part of the divorce. That way you beat the OW to court on this. Then after the baby is born, the divorce an be finalized and so can the child support.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romanticided said:


> aine, thank you for your comment. Everyone keeps saying this - that I am better off. As does he. I know this is a lucky escape, and that I was able to take those rose colored glasses off. Finally. He has cheated on me since day one, and has been doing the same to this GF since day one. I know that you cant change a leopards spots. I know that although he makes claims he will "Get better" to her.. he wont. He said those same words to me for our entire relationship. As someone had pointed out. He never really grew up.
> 
> I have told my support system everything. They have been here for the entire ride. It has cast alot of pain onto my parents who are trying their best to support me. On top of all of this, my depression has kept me at a disconnect from this pregnancy and I dont feel like I am able to be a mother to this child. I pray that my heart will change. I want to rid of him, and I am so hurt by all he has done.
> 
> It does not stop my heart from dying. I loved him for a good half of my life. The pain is so great.. I gave him everything and now I have nothing.


It is time for you to turn your focus from him to yourself and your baby. You are drowning in this because that is what you are focusing him--him and the wretch he is with. 

What can you do for yourself? You need to get out of this depression as soon as you can . There is a baby girl who depends on you and who will love you so much. Is there someone in your family or a friend who could go for walks with you as close to daily as is possible? One of the best ways to beat depression is exercise. And walking is one of the best, especially while pregnant. Daily walking will also make your labor and delivery go so much easier. 

I've read that another way to help beat depression is to watch movies, funny movies, uplifting movies.. anything that will make you laugh and/or feel good, deep feelings. They actually can cause your brain to produce and uptake a lot of feel good chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins and other such good things.

You might not have give birth yet, but your baby is her. She is living your sorry, your depression. Don't make that how your baby starts her life. Make this about you and her. Take care of yourself. Do things that make you feel good.

As humans we cannot control our initial reaction to things like you are going through. But we have something that other animals do not have. We have the ability to pull back and look at what has happened and how we are reacting to it. And then we have the ability to decide to act in whatever manner we chose. Chose to love your self and your baby. Don't let this guy who is clearly abusive define you and your reaction to his horrid behavior.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

romanticided said:


> I gave him everything and now I have nothing.


Darling girl, you have everything. You have your beautiful baby girl coming soon, and the two of you can have a wonderful life together.

Get excited about that. Block your husband and his piece, focus on you and your baby girl and find YOUR peace.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romanticided said:


> I just finished visiting with my support, and she suggested that I come up with a kind way story that I would need to stick to - to tell my child why their father didnt want to be in her life... even though we live in the same city... why her father is an amazing dad to sister - but refuses to accept her in his life. I can't think of a single thing.


You still have time before you have to deal with this. After all your baby till not even understand such things until she is about 3 years old.

Keep in mind that's a long way off. Do you really think that your stbx is going to be with this women 3 years from now? Do you really think that he is going to be an amazing father to her child? My bet is that he will end up being an absent father for both babies.


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

lifeistooshort said:


> Sounds like you handled it well. Just remember that tigers don't change their stripes..... you're either a person of integrity or you're not.
> 
> And he's shown that he's not. Such a person doesn't automatically develop integrity with a shiny new toy.
> 
> ...


lifeistooshort - you're right. Parts of me think they're going to live this wonderful life that I always wanted with him. Then I realize that he'll never change.. he hasn't yet. No new shiny toy will change him.
Yes, the thought we would be better off has crossed my mind.. I do feel like maybe hes so messed up that this is all for the best - but I was raised without my father, and although he loved me from afar and called me his Angel.. I always blamed myself for his absence. What did I do wrong? Why doesn't he want to be in my life? Am I that horrible? I know that its not my fault now.. but a child doesn't understand these things, and in the end they blame themselves. I don't want that for my daughter. It hurts me remembering how I felt. 

I wont go out of my way for him to be in our lives anymore. I've tried twice to pour my heart out to him in the last 4 weeks and the last time he called the police on me and tried to put a restraining order against me. Maybe he thought this would be an easier way to stay away from us. I don't know. I just asked him to be there for the birth, to cut the cord.. to hold her little hand. But.. yeah, I guess that was too much to take.

I know there are so many situations out there with divorces where the fathers are there for most of the life, and then become absent when convenient. This scares me, and I just feel that would also do alot of damage. I'm glad he's trying to be in your kids life now.. I guess now they are teenagers they can see the forest for the trees.

I would.. I would send her flowers with a note that did a really good dig. But I have no idea where she lives or works. I'm kind of glad I don't. To be honest. But Yes, that would feel so good to be able to dig it a bit more.


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> You still have time before you have to deal with this. After all your baby till not even understand such things until she is about 3 years old.
> 
> Keep in mind that's a long way off. Do you really think that your stbx is going to be with this women 3 years from now? Do you really think that he is going to be an amazing father to her child? My bet is that he will end up being an absent father for both babies.


I know I have time, so much time still. I dont know what will happen in a year from now let alone 3. But he's a serial monogamist. They are already talking about marriage. He will stay with her until she rids of him, and she seems like she's in it for the long haul because shes pregnant with their child. So yeah, I think they'll be together in 3 years. Even though he's messed up right now, he's always wanted children and the way he is with her being pregnant.. I think he possibly could be an amazing father to her child. Of all of this, I could see him regretting what he has said to me, and crawling back to be in her life. I do believe that as my best guess.



EleGirl said:


> It is time for you to turn your focus from him to yourself and your baby. You are drowning in this because that is what you are focusing him--him and the wretch he is with.
> 
> What can you do for yourself? You need to get out of this depression as soon as you can . There is a baby girl who depends on you and who will love you so much. Is there someone in your family or a friend who could go for walks with you as close to daily as is possible? One of the best ways to beat depression is exercise. And walking is one of the best, especially while pregnant. Daily walking will also make your labor and delivery go so much easier.
> 
> ...


I've been trying to step back and take a good look at all that has been said and done. "I say the things that you said, sometimes, so it reminds me." .. yeah I do that. I drudge through it every time I wake up from a nightmare. I drudge through it every time I feel a ping in my heart that I miss my best friend, I miss my husband. Of whom, I do believe I am still mourning over. I feel like its a death. He is not the man I loved, he is a shell of him. I see his face, and its a stranger. I mourn him, everyday. 

I'm trying not to let any of this define me, and I'm in every way trying to keep my depression and sadness at bay. I do walk alot, and I take time for myself. I do things I enjoy. I smile and I laugh, I do have good moments... but just as they come, they are gone. I will keep trying to appreciate this gift I've been given, I could be appreciating more if it wasn't for my sadness keeping this disconnect from my pregnancy. I haven't been able to sing to her, or rub her in weeks.



EleGirl said:


> I don't know how where you are, but here a generally a divorce cannot be finalize until the baby is born if the wife is pregnant during the divorce.
> 
> You might want to check with a solicitor, you might be able to file for child support before the baby is born. For example, you might be able to file of divorce and have child support pending as part of the divorce. That way you beat the OW to court on this. Then after the baby is born, the divorce an be finalized and so can the child support.


Elegirl - the country I live in says the baby isnt a baby until its born. Weird I know.. the divorce can have a section in it in regards to child support if I went for the divorce after the baby is here.. but I could go on married to him and just go for child support and none of it has to be connected. They are so weird where I am. I cant do anything ahead of time, and neither can she. We just have to wait. But if I stay married I get first dibs, if we divorce and he marries her.. she gets nothing... so.. I don't know it might just work out in my favor anyway.



EleGirl said:


> Block her and his Facebook. You don't need that sort of nonsense in your life.


I have blocked both of them on facebook. I went to block her, and thats the moment I saw the picture with the caption. Just one last punch in my gut before I got rid of her for good. It also doesn't help my support likes to visit her page and report back to me her findings. Although I have begged her to stop, to block her too... not to tell me.. for some reason she cant help herself and as it pings her and hurts her - she must also bestow that pain upon me. Ugh. 

Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions. Everyone here is amazing. I feel super supported when I come read here.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romanticided,

Just take care of yourself and ignore him and anything about him. With the 180 you will find that over time you move away from all this and you will love your love for him. 

And sing and talk that the pretty baby. She needs that.


----------



## romanticided (Jan 3, 2017)

Its been over a year! I'm here for an update. He gave up his parenting rights in court. He will pay child support but wants nothing to do with our daughter.
He is now expecting his second child with the girlfriend. They are struggling and moving out of town. 
I'm happy, attending college and loving my girl every moment. She is almost 1!
I have moved on completely from him, if anything. I hate him. He missed the birth of his daughter, and that was the straw that broke it. Wiped my hands clean after that.
The girlfriend still thinks we are still talking and that I'm out to win him back; but we haven't talked in almost a year... and her paranoid tendencies are driving him away.
Unfortunately I get informed from his family; who are involved in my daughters life part time.
Thanks again for everyone who posted originally! this site helped me during my marriage to him, separation and now again, has helped me through the toughest part of losing my daughters father.


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

romanticided said:


> Its been over a year! I'm here for an update. He gave up his parenting rights in court. He will pay child support but wants nothing to do with our daughter.
> He is now expecting his second child with the girlfriend. They are struggling and moving out of town.
> I'm happy, attending college and loving my girl every moment. She is almost 1!
> I have moved on completely from him, if anything. I hate him. He missed the birth of his daughter, and that was the straw that broke it. Wiped my hands clean after that.
> ...


Congratulations on your baby girl! After reading through your thread, I gotta say: you are mighty! And it seems like you're well on your way to paving a new life for you and your child.

Heh, after all the effort of rubbing it in your face, the GF is now suspicious of him? Are you surprised? :wink2:

Good luck and best wishes!


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

He gave you two gifts: your daughter and clarity. 

Buh-bye!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@romanticided

Thanks for coming back and letting us know how you are doing. It sounds like you are doing very well. 

From what you say about your ex, your daughter is better off without her father in the picture.


----------



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

What a scum bucket. 

After what I read he has a mental disorder. To go for men and women, escorts, craigslist... He is a broken human that is headed down a path that leads to misery. 

You and your daughter will be fine as you recover. Your daughter is sure to face pain in her future by the rejection of her horrible father. I wish her well...

And to you, congratulations. You are well free from him.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

romanticided said:


> Its been over a year! I'm here for an update. He gave up his parenting rights in court. He will pay child support but wants nothing to do with our daughter.
> He is now expecting his second child with the girlfriend. They are struggling and moving out of town.
> I'm happy, attending college and loving my girl every moment. She is almost 1!
> I have moved on completely from him, if anything. I hate him. He missed the birth of his daughter, and that was the straw that broke it. Wiped my hands clean after that.
> ...


Hey! That's good news!

I think you got the only good thing from him, your lovely baby daughter.


----------



## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Thanks for the update! Glad to hear that you're doing great!


----------



## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

That is wonderful news!!!


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Time for a visit to a Shark of an attorney that will take his cheating ungrateful arse to the cleaners. I truly am sorry for what you are going through. Stay Strong.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What a wonderful update  Congratulations on your beautiful little girl.

Mama, you're rockin' this xx


----------

