# My cheating ex said I lost my chance......



## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Why do you even want to see someone that treats you like dirt under his feet?
Flush him down! Block all forms of communication with him.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


@Cns82 Welcome to TAM.

I don't see that you were married is that right? And no kids?

My advice is to have zero contact with him. He doesn't love you. Maybe he never did. Block him and don't unblock. This guy is toxic to your mental health and you need to move on. Don't agree to talk to him ever again. Dump him.

It sounds to me like he is wanting you at his beck and call, groveling at his feet, doing whatever he wants. Whenever that doesn't happen the way he wants he lashes out and tries to hurt you emotionally. That is NOT healthy.

Leave him in the past, protect yourself from his lunacy and find someone to love you the way you should be loved.

Best of luck to you!


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

OP, I think you should remove this immature, manipulative dead weight from your life.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Block this dude. Once and for all. And commit to no contact. He's emotionally abusive, lies, and cheats. I'd just let him go, he is an emotional vampire, and will drain you of all your energy if you let him. 

On another note, I love your avatar, by the way!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why would you beg someone Iike this?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My advice is let go, move on and be grateful he’s finally out of your life. Ask yourself why you would be willing to put up with that behavior. And get some help so that you don’t repeat it next time.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The answer is clear …. You already know it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


This isn't the sort of person that anyone should want to be with. Some couples can heal from infidelity but not with someone like this. He isn't a good partner or a good candidate to try and reconcile with.

For your own health and sanity, you need to cut ties with this guy.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Cns82 said:


> It had to be his way.


Block him. 

Mentally tell yourself that he can get f---ed.

Then go buy yourself some flowers.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


You left him, good decision. You stayed in communication with him, bad decisions. Go back to your first instinct and be done with him. No need to ever communicate with this piece of trash ever again.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think sometimes, we mistake (or have mistaken) drama and dysfunction for love. I’ve learned that true love looks and feels nothing like this.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Your only mistake was taking him back after he cheated. Don’t make any more mistakes with him. Dump him and never look back.


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## Junebug86 (Mar 16, 2021)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


How old is this man child?


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

Junebug86 said:


> How old is this man child?


Lol this made me chuckle...he just turned 37.


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> Your only mistake was taking him back after he cheated. Don’t many any more mistakes with him. Dump him and never look back.


Yes that eats me alive...I wish I had been stronger but my big heart and forgiving nature gets me in trouble.


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> I think sometimes, we mistake (or have mistaken) drama and dysfunction for love. I’ve learned that true love looks and feels nothing like this.


So true...chaos is something I am too familiar with.


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> My advice is let go, move on and be grateful he’s finally out of your life. Ask yourself why you would be willing to put up with that behavior. And get some help so that you don’t repeat it next time.


I completely agree.


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> Why would you beg someone Iike this?


I never begged to be back with him, just to change his behavior and to understand me. I learned to not do that again. I just loved way too hard and forgot not everyone has a heart like mine.


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Block this dude. Once and for all. And commit to no contact. He's emotionally abusive, lies, and cheats. I'd just let him go, he is an emotional vampire, and will drain you of all your energy if you let him.
> 
> On another note, I love your avatar, by the way!


He always said he loved my energy and my soul..Damn demon lol. And thankyou!


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> OP, I think you should remove this immature, manipulative dead weight from your life.


I did....I left peacefully wishing him well. Forgave for my own sanity and peace of mind. I'm tired and ready for a new beginning.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Cns82 said:


> So true...chaos is something I am too familiar with.


Same. You can heal from it though and if you sort out where it stems from, that will make all the difference in setting boundaries in future relationships.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Block this dude and move on


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Lose a cheater, gain a life. Wake up already!


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

It sounds like you did move on, and expressed your needs and that seems pretty healthy. Keep going! I don’t really see him bending over backwards to work to win you back, hey?

It seems like he still thinks you want to be in the harem. Except that you’re not working hard enough to be one of the concubines 😁

Yes, there are men who think they’re Suleiman the magnificent.

If they’re not a head of state, or even that good looking… you know it’s all a delusion. So, don’t make babies or even share sheets with crazy people. A man has to be utterly magnificent (or woman) to convince a woman to be an unpaid prostitute and maid only sometimes.

(I’m talking about the people who like to string a wife or girlfriend along and demand loyalty and commitment, while thinking they’re Suleiman the Magnificent. Not the good men that are out there).


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


Good grief. Get this toxic jerk out of your life. Put him behind you.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Yep, you loss your chance to be with a scum bag.

You can do so much better then to be with someone like him.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Oh no, you lost your chance to get back together with a disloyal cheater…


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


Move on! Find someone that appreciates you, and doesn't play mind games. Tell the ex he missed his chance to grow up, and have an adult relationship.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Cns82 said:


> I never begged to be back with him, just to change his behavior and to understand me. I learned to not do that again. I just loved way too hard and forgot not everyone has a heart like mine.


It's not a behavior issue, it's a character issue and you can't change that. 

And you continuing to pursue him is a forn of begging.

You're worth more then that.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


You don’t need anything from us truly. I imagine you KNOW exactly the route you should have been taking and are now ready to take. I’m not going to sit here and bash your ex. Pointless. There are people who have an affair, take responsibility and truly want to make amends, then there is your ex.. 

There is nothing wrong with boundaries. You set them and he can’t respect them. Done.


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> You don’t need anything from us truly. I imagine you KNOW exactly the route you should have been taking and are now ready to take. I’m not going to sit here and bash your ex. Pointless. There are people who have an affair, take responsibility and truly want to make amends, then there is your ex..
> 
> There is nothing wrong with boundaries. You set them and he can’t respect them. Done.


He made me feel insane and like I was the one wrong here....then again he told me once before I would never find better than him either. I just needed the validation that I wasn't crazy and wrong....my head was messed up bad after this relationship.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Cns82 said:


> He made me feel insane and like I was the one wrong here....then again he told me once before I would never find better than him either. I just needed the validation that I wasn't crazy and wrong....my head was messed up bad after this relationship.


That’s his insecurity. My late husband did the same to me. Although we weren’t separated and it wasn’t about him having an affair or anything like that. He did also tell me I didn’t know what I had. Excuse me? That was quite the pot calling the kettle black if I ever heard something so ridiculous. It was in fact he knew exactly how good he had it and knew there would NEVER be another to put up with his particular brand of stupid.

Yet he couldn’t help but say that to me, I’m sure as a farse to try to make him feel better for how he was treating me. I put up with far more than o ever should have. And he really wasn’t a bad man, but he was a very very broken man who refused to get any help for the things plaguing him and chose rather to use me as his scapegoat when in fact I was the only one ever I’m his life to love him unconditionally and attempt to help him.

The truth is it takes the other partner wanting more for than relationship and spouse than they want for themself. It does not sound like you have that in any capacity. Don’t look back sister.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i think it is you that should be telling him he missed his chance


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> i think it is you that should be telling him he missed his chance


You are right...unfortunately I was so emotional about it and very bothered along with everything else he has done. I wish I could go back and react differently.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


sounds like a man child


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## Junebug86 (Mar 16, 2021)

Cns82 said:


> Lol this made me chuckle...he just turned 37.


Send him on his way! He’s too immature to be in a relationship.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> 
> ......He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> 
> ...





Cns82 said:


> I never begged to be back with him, just to change his behavior and to understand me. I learned to not do that again. I just loved way too hard and forgot not everyone has a heart like mine.





Cns82 said:


> He always said he loved my energy and my soul..Damn demon lol. And thankyou!





Cns82 said:


> *I did....I left peacefully wishing him well. Forgave for my own sanity and peace of mind. I'm tired and ready for a new beginning.*





Cns82 said:


> He made me feel insane and like I was the one wrong here....then again *he told me once before I would never find better than him either.* *I just needed the validation that I wasn't crazy and wrong....my head was messed up bad after this relationship.*





Cns82 said:


> You are right...unfortunately I was so emotional about it and very bothered along with everything else he has done.* I wish I could go back and react differently.*


Let's work our way backwards from your last post. He missed his change and you know it. That is all that counts. You have value and does your love. He really missed his chance at that, and yes you can find better, much better.

You also sound like you have made your decision. As you said, "......*I did....I left peacefully wishing him well. Forgave for my own sanity and peace of mind. I'm tired and ready for a new beginning.*....." Go out and celebrate your new life. You made the right decision.

Good luck to you. Block his calls and texts. If he keeps trying to contact you get an attorney to file a no contact order. Move on with your life.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Cns82 said:


> left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.
> He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.
> Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion. And everytime I would, he would block me again and again until he wanted to talk again.
> He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.


Dump this narcissistic, empathy lacking scum and find a better man. You deserve more than this mistreatment.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I think you need to work on your self esteem and self worth. No one should tell you "you lost your chance" after cheating and treating you like cr*p. 

It's up to you to stand up for yourself and impose healthy standards and boundaries. You deserve a loyal partner who treats you with love and respect. 

Please block and forget this jerk and focus on loving and respecting yourself.


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## Cns82 (4 mo ago)

pastasauce79 said:


> I think you need to work on your self esteem and self worth. No one should tell you "you lost your chance" after cheating and treating you like cr*p.
> 
> It's up to you to stand up for yourself and impose healthy standards and boundaries. You deserve a loyal partner who treats you with love and respect.
> 
> Please block and forget this jerk and focus on loving and respecting yourself.


Thankyou so much for this comment...something about it really snapped me out of the mental fog today. I really appreciate it.


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