# Article "3 signs your wife will cheat on you"



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

I love these articles. So 3 researchers conducted case studies on 4 women ranging in ages from 24-51. You heard me right. This is based on a HUGE group of.....wait for it.....FOUR women. Okay so I don't agree with the sample size....let's look at the 3 reasons...

1. Lack of quality time.
Apparently all 4 women complained that they didn't get enough quality time with their husbands and they voiced this issue but still always felt like a lower priority to their husbands.
2. Inability to resolve conflict.
The couples couldn't communicate and issues were left unresolved.
3. Lack of attention
The women didn't get enough intimacy in their marriages than what they wanted.

I love the summary, now bear in mind the 24 year old started cheating 7 months into her marriage.

"According to the researchers, none of the women actively sought out affairs. As time went on, however, they grew more frustrated in their marriages and the partner they cheated with became more desirable. When the opportunity arose, there was less hesitation to stray.

Of course, every marriage is different, but the authors of the study note that these specific insights into cheating could help people and professionals identify early warning signs in relationships and work toward fixing them. "

3 Signs Your Wife Will Cheat On You

The interesting thing to this "study" is it discusses the flaws in the marriage. IE it was the husband's fault too. Now the 3 reasons mentioned are very important in a marriage. A husband needs to have quality time and intimacy with his wife. A couple needs to be able to communicate. But there are countless marriages that have those 3 flaws where the people don't cheat. 

I get tired of these "studies". There is nothing truly answered. What was it within these 4 women that allowed the choice to be made, versus the countless other people who make other choices? THAT, to me, would be the most important question to answer. Where is the personal accountability? How long did these issues go on for? Was there any monitoring done in the house to see if the issues were truly legitimate or if the WS is rewriting marital history to justify the cheating? I've always found it amazing that all of these studies are done through interviewing. They can't say "these are the reasons" they can only say "these are the justifications and some justifications are true and some are enhanced".


----------



## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

The most important conclusion from these and similar studies: "See how many journal pages I/we were able to use!"


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I didn't like that article. It makes women look *selfish* and *needy*. There are men and women out there who also don't get their needs met and they don't cheat.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I'm shocked this even got published in a "journal." Is this a real journal?


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

John Lee said:


> I'm shocked this even got published in a "journal." Is this a real journal?


That was my thought. When the amount of researchers is very close to the number of participants....there MIGHT be a problem.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

1. Lack of quality time.
2. Inability to resolve conflict.
3. Lack of attention.

*All of the above are well-know precursors to cheating.*

When the opportunity arose, there was less hesitation to stray.

*When those problems exist persistently, resistance and boundaries are more easily crossed. This is also well-know.*

IE it was the husband's fault too.

*I agree with this, in that the marital bond is weakened. It's not a popular view, but it makes sense.*

But there are countless marriages that have those 3 flaws where the people don't cheat.

*You are right. Those who do cheat may have more opportunities, may be more vulnerable to predatory men, may have greater levels of resentment because of the problems so less motivation to be faithful, or have poorer boundaries or poorer coping skills than those who don't. *

The problem is that people see the issue as black/white, when it's a complex web of factors, circumstances, personalities, and skills (or lack of) that lead to a complex, chaotic, fuzzy, shades of gray scenario where even people with normally good morals and boundaries can cross the line.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

I read that one, most of the comments are spot on. I love the few that you can tell are cheating. So obvious.

Here's a sign your wife will cheat on you.. They start coming up with bullshart like this stuff. Poor thing, your husband was all focusing on work and not fluffing your ego like your new man friend does... Pathetic.

One comment sums it up nicely, it goes something like:
_If these women had married the AP, they'd eventually cheat on him for the same stupid "reasons". _

The real reasons: entitlement.. selfishness.. poor self control.. lack of boundaries.. poor communication skills.. internalizing and building resentments... etc.. etc... 

Notice how none of these 'studies' mention how the women were in the relationship, probably cold and distant since they weren't happy and not telling the spouse (aside from an out of the blue ILYBINILWY fight at some point). I'm sure they were perfect angels, when they weren't lying to and manipulating the spouse. 

When men cheat, it's because men are jerks.. when women cheat, it's because men are jerks.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> 1. Lack of quality time.
> 2. Inability to resolve conflict.
> 3. Lack of attention.
> 
> ...


Not.. it's black and white. You cheat or you don't cheat. You can't sugar coat it with reasons and justifications and then call it grey... It's still an either you do or you don't choice that has to be made at some point. You choose black, or you choose white. Period. Stop enabling cheaters with this bullcrap of spouses not being perfect opening the door to cheating and making it 'easier'. You married the person, you took vows to the person, if they changed, you can leave the person. You don't choose to cheat, sneak and lie, then blame the person you've been lying to. Make up a bunch of crap that isn't true to justify your choices. It sounds like someone sold you a load of bull crap.

My point being:

1. Lack of quality time. _two way street, and now if cheater is spending quality time with AP...._
2. Inability to resolve conflict. _ cheater builds up resentments, doesn't tell truths, and the betrayed spouse is having conflict resolution issues? Wrong._
3. Lack of attention. _Cheater doesn't want attention from the spouse, they want it from another.. they've decided that already. _


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

russell28 said:


> Not.. it's black and white. You cheat or you don't cheat. [/I]


Wrong.

The end result is binary, yes. The probability or likelihood is affected by many things, and some of those MAY be due to things the BS should have reasonably done, but didn't.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Wrong.
> 
> The end result is binary, yes. The probability or likelihood is affected by many things, and some of those MAY be due to things the BS should have reasonably done, but didn't.


Ya, sure.. 

Like in my case, my wife gave me the 'never wanted to go for walks with me'

She'd ask like this "I'm going for a walk, be back in an hour"

A month before dday, she started saying "want to go for a walk with me?" I was happy my wife actually wanted to spend time with me, I went for walks.. we talked, it was nice. I reminded her of that when she broke out the "you never wanted to spend time with me" crap.

If the spouse is a drunk verbal abusive ahole, then you leave them.. you don't use their money, lie to them and say it's because they aren't perfect. You also are probably not perfect, and in the case of someone that's cheating.. It's hard to claim the moral high ground at that point. Using the fact that your husband didn't give you hugs to sleep with his best friend or whatever twisted crap you've done because you weren't getting enough hugs.

People with this thought process is why the world is full of cheaters. No self accountability, it's always the other persons fault.. the devil made you have circumstances, and you're the only one. They want the thrill, they get the thrill.. then they bullcrap folks like you into thinking it was because you were denying them hugs. It's your fault.


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

russell28 said:


> Ya, sure..
> 
> Like in my case, my wife gave me the 'never wanted to go for walks with me'
> 
> ...


:iagree: With some of the excuses given I sometimes think the BS should just go have an affair also..since some want to paint them as partly responsible for the affair then at least go out and have some fun. Are they partly responsible for the crappy state of the marriage sure but they didn't cheat to cope. In many cases the BS is no happier than the cheating spouse but they didn't cheat to cope however since they were miserable as well - then why not go out and have some fun, (vent over)


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think men cheat for similar catalysts? 

Not all, but many?

Cheating is just for people who want their needs met NOW. That's my take anyway.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

> The end result is binary, yes. The probability or likelihood is affected by many things, and some of those MAY be due to things the BS should have reasonably done, but didn't.


Agreed, but it's up to the spouse to raise the alarm.

Where it gets fuzzy is that the WS will say something like "why weren't you more jealous?" while have initially described the AP as "annoying with a dumb accent" and seldom mention the AP except in their professional capacity. Doesn't put the AP in glowing terms, etc. 

Or "have you thought about going to the gym again?" as a suggestion for the BS's health, and not because they are losing attraction to the BS.

Or bringing up marriage counseling in a half-hearted way while not mentioning any specifics and letting it die after that one instance. 

So is it reasonable (in my case) to assume I was being inattentive or missed clues that are obvious only in hindsight? Not so sure.. most people trust the person they're with and expect if there's an issue, the signal will be louder and clearer. It's only until you get burned that you'll be on the lookout for these types of things..

Marriage should be about a bond where people have each other's backs. The very last person you expect to betray you is your spouse. Keeping secrets is for children, not grown adults building a life together..


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

That's B.S.

Four for-sure signs your wife will cheat:
1) cum stains on her sexy panties you never saw before
2) Having to work late and weekends "at the office", but she is not there when you surprise her with a late night meal
3) Iphone surgically implanted into her thigh
4) a Gut feeling something is wrong as you walk into the house unexpectedly and hear her screaming from the bedroom "faster...FASTER..IM CUMMMMMING....OMG"


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

That's all baloney.

If people cheat it's because they don't have the maturity to resolve their marital problems constructively.

Sorry, but I really get pissed off when people make these "lists" of things that cause infidelity.. most of which inadvertently blame the betrayed spouse.

If your spouse cheats, they are immature and need to grow up.

Three signs your wife will cheat on you?

1. She's immature
2. She's immature
3. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... she's immature.

The very idea that I should expect a dissatisfying marriage to lead to a spouse's promiscuous behavior is preposterous.


If I don't meet my spouse's needs what I expect is her to have the maturity to manage that wit
h her legs closed.

Infidleity is NOT something you should expect from a partner in life. Satisfied or not. THAT is a problem with THEM.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

You guys arent' discussing why a wife might cheat... you are discussing why she might be dissatisfied with her MARRIAGE.

If she doesn't get enough attention, she will be dissatisfied with her marriage.
If she does not get quality time, she will be dissatisfied with her marriage.

Why they CHEAT is because they respond to marital dissatisfaction in a destructive and immature way... That's them, not YOU.

Sorry, I just get really pissed when people attach a female's promiscuous behavior with how the husband may neglect marital responsibilities.

If I don't cut my lawn, that does not mean I should expect someone to set the yard on fire.

THAT happening has nothing to do with whether or not I cut the lawn.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Same goes for why men cheat.

There is no CAUSE...just the person's action to cheat. Sure there may be issues, but that isn't the CAUSE of cheating.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

that_girl said:


> Same goes for why men cheat.
> 
> There is no CAUSE...just the person's action to cheat. Sure there may be issues, but that isn't the CAUSE of cheating.


There IS a cuase, but it's internal to the agent doing the cheating.

It means THEY have a problem, not the marriage.

The biggest part of the problem is for DECADES infidelity has been characterized as a marital issue.

Infidelity happens because some people are inherently immature. This means they

a. drink to excess
b. spend to excess
c. lie to excess
d. hoard to excess
e. gamble to excess
f. maintain opposite-sex relationships to excess

The problem is an individual failing. Immature people just happen to expect instant gratification.

Is a gambling problem a marital issue? Of course not. No one would even try to argue that.

But if your spouse is promiscuous.. that's somehow a problem with the marriage?

No. Not in my opinion.

If you are immature and expect what you want NOW, you will cheat rather than fixing your marriage.

Cheating isn't constructive, but it DOES get you what you want quickly, rather than working for it constructively over the long term.

If you cant' control your impulses to behave constructively, you are going to contaminate your marriage.

That is NOT a marital issue. It means you have a problem being discriminate with members of the opposite sex. It means you are promiscuous.

Infidelity has NOTHING to DO with marriage.

Yup. That's what I said.

THAT is a long-standing misdiagnosis.

If your spouse is immature, they are going to contaminate your marriage with quick-fixes that satisfy them in the moment. Promiscuous behavior is just one of many flavors of infidelity.

Immature people drink recklessly, spend recklessly, or relate with opposite sex members recklessly (the particular flavor of go to vice varies from person to person).

If you don't want to get cheated on, don't marry an immature person. OR at the VERY least marry someone who responds to marital dissatisfaction in other immature ways (gambling, drinking, whatever).

Immature people contaminate marriages.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> :iagree: With some of the excuses given I sometimes think the BS should just go have an affair also..since some want to paint them as partly responsible for the affair then at least go out and have some fun. Are they partly responsible for the crappy state of the marriage sure but they didn't cheat to cope. In many cases the BS is no happier than the cheating spouse but they didn't cheat to cope however since they were miserable as well - then why not go out and have some fun, (vent over)


..and often, the BS is more miserable than the WS because the WS is getting attention and needs filled elsewhere since they have weaker boundaries and are willing to allow others to feed their egos.. The WS feels in control of the relationship because the affair(s) gives them power over the BS, and the BS is confused and disoriented and they have no idea why. Then when exposed the WS uses the list of 'reasons' to deflect blame onto others instead of owning the poor choices. 

Another BS excuse mentioned above is opportunity, as if a BS never has a chance to lower boundaries or to disrespect a spouse. That also implies that not only are they mostly to blame for the cheating spouses behaviors, they are also not worthy of having someone cheat with them. It's not that they just have respect for marriage and strong boundaries.. it's not that they understand how to keep their marriage safe. It's that they don't have opportunities.. How insulting and narrow minded is that theory. Yea, that's why people don't cheat, they have no opportunities... I would expect a cheater or potential cheater to say something like that.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> You guys arent' discussing why a wife might cheat... you are discussing why she might be dissatisfied with her MARRIAGE.
> 
> If she doesn't get enough attention, she will be dissatisfied with her marriage.
> If she does not get quality time, she will be dissatisfied with her marriage.
> ...


She might also have been getting enough attention, and enough quality time, but she's bored with this person and is excited by the new person that's been giving her attention and spending quality time with her... so he starts to get HER attention, and HER quality time, as she pushes the spouse away to justify it. Her new quality time and attention from the AP must mean that her husband doesn't do those things. Problem is, he did do those things, and that's why you married him.. and the AP will eventually get boring, and not pay enough attention.. enough quality time... 

You nailed it, the problem isn't the marriage problems, it's how individuals deal with dissatisfaction in marriage. Do they lie and sneak and bail on the marriage without telling the spouse, or are they honest? Don't have an affair, lie and sneak and cheat, and then claim to have tried to talk about it. That's just absurd. Talking about it would have meant being honest, not making stuff up.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

russell28 said:


> She might also have been getting enough attention, and enough quality time, but she's bored with this person and is excited by the new person that's been giving her attention and spending quality time with her... so he starts to get HER attention, and HER quality time, as she pushes the spouse away to justify it. Her new quality time and attention from the AP must mean that her husband doesn't do those things. Problem is, he did do those things, and that's why you married him.. and the AP will eventually get boring, and not pay enough attention.. enough quality time...
> 
> You nailed it, the problem isn't the marriage problems, it's how individuals deal with dissatisfaction in marriage. Do they lie and sneak and bail on the marriage without telling the spouse, or are they honest? Don't have an affair, lie and sneak and cheat, and then claim to have tried to talk about it. That's just absurd. Talking about it would have meant being honest, not making stuff up.


Or better phrased like so...
_
She might also have been getting enough attention, and enough quality time, but she's allowed herself to become bored with this person and she's allowed herself to become excited by the new person that's she's allowed him to give her attention and she's allowed him to spend quality time with her... so he starts to get HER attention, and HER quality time, as she pushes the spouse away to justify it. Her new quality time and attention from the AP must mean that her husband doesn't do those things. Problem is, he did do those things, and that's why you married him.. and the AP will eventually get boring, and not pay enough attention.. enough quality time... _

What's happening is she ubiquitously creates a surrogate and a substitute for her spouse, in SECRET, as a way of getting what she wants when she wants it, because she's too immature to resolve the situation like an adult.

Creating a surrogate and substitute for your spouse, in secret, and engaging in promiscuous behavior with them really has nothing to do with the marriage.

That's just someone throwing a passive-aggressive tantrum rather than growing up.

That's not a marital problem. That's an individual character flaw.

I would also argue it's a character flaw of the OM or OW as well. I don't know any immature people who poach on immature married spouses who can't control their impulses.

This is not a case of two people "falling in love" or "finding their soul mate". This is a case of a married, but immature person who's go to vice is promiscuous behavior finding someone else who is just as immature.

Most affairs are just a big game of chicken. It's a race to see who is the most immature... and in most cases they both end up losing.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

People cheat because they want to. It's a decision, not something that just happens.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Immature people contaminate marriages.


Yes, and that can include immature BSs.

There is a huge amount of hypocrisy around this issue.

People are flawed to various degrees - that's a given. Many will have failings in their lives and conduct because of this. Yet many flawed people who have had their own failings STOP acknowledging that once they've been cheated on, suddenly becoming perfect beings and expecting that their flawed and failing WS should have been able to overcome their own flaws.

Oh, the humanity!


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Or better phrased like so...
> _
> She might also have been getting enough attention, and enough quality time, but she's allowed herself to become bored with this person and she's allowed herself to become excited by the new person that's she's allowed him to give her attention and she's allowed him to spend quality time with her... so he starts to get HER attention, and HER quality time, as she pushes the spouse away to justify it. Her new quality time and attention from the AP must mean that her husband doesn't do those things. Problem is, he did do those things, and that's why you married him.. and the AP will eventually get boring, and not pay enough attention.. enough quality time... _
> 
> ...


That's the key right there, and why I was so blind sided. I had taught myself to love my wife with all her flaws. To look at her and see beauty even if she was aging and not perfect, she always looked as beautiful as when she was 16 years old in my eyes. I cherished that I had those feelings. I actually enjoyed the loving part of the relationship, not just the getting love part. I never allowed myself to do those things, because I never allowed myself to get bored, or to disrespect my spouse.. I expected she was doing the same. 

As I got older, I was confident in myself because I had a good job, good wife, happy family.. I had no idea that she was feeling bad about her job, thought all the people at work that were cheating were 'lucky', because they had love, and her love feeling had faded after 27 or so years together, you know how it gets old after a few decades with someone... so she took a chance to piss away the entire life we built together. Risked the respect of her children, and her husband to get some exciting thrilling new strange. Then I guess it was so wonderful, she was going to do it for the rest of her life, even after she was sick of the guy.. because he was like 'you look good today, can i use your pooty now?' She was like, sure, why not.. it's like a habit now, sneak, have thrilling sneaky sex, go home, have duty sex.. repeat.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, and that can include immature BSs.
> 
> There is a huge amount of hypocrisy around this issue.
> 
> ...


Nobody is saying they become perfect beings. They are saying that the flaws, are not related to the cheating. They are used as an excuse. A reason. A justification. Bull snot.

You want to talk about flaws, lets talk about being too flirty.. lets talk about telling someone you're attracted to about your marital problems instead of your spouse. Lets talk about lying and sneaking and playing by a different set of rules. Please, spare me the oh the humanity crap. 

If you're going to blame your cheating on the BS because they are flawed, then the BS can blame the fact that they are flawed to something you did. If they drink, they can say you drove them to drink. You didn't make them happy enough. Your fault.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

If you go to the sit is says "Researchers Michelle Jeanfreau, Anthony Jurich, and Michael Mong conducted case studies on four women aged 24 to 51 who cheated on their spouses and whose marriages subsequently ended in divorce. Through in-depth analysis, researchers discovered three common risk factors that contributed to the infidelity." In other words this study consisted of only 4 cheaters and studied in depth these 4 cheaters rationalization for their cheating. The 3 excuses given are all subjective and right out of the cheaters script. One woman cheated after only 7 months of marraige; with so little invested in the marriage, if she was unhappy, why not just divorce?

This study would have been better titled "3 common cheaters script excuses for cheating".


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

TRy said:


> If you go to the sit is says "Researchers Michelle Jeanfreau, Anthony Jurich, and Michael Mong conducted case studies on four women aged 24 to 51 who cheated on their spouses and whose marriages subsequently ended in divorce. Through in-depth analysis, researchers discovered three common risk factors that contributed to the infidelity." In other words this study consisted of only 4 cheaters and studied in depth these 4 cheaters rationalization for their cheating. The 3 excuses given are all subjective and right out of the cheaters script. One woman cheated after only 7 months of marraige; with so little invested in the marriage, if she was unhappy, why not just divorce?
> 
> This study would have been better titled "3 common cheaters script excuses for cheating".


In 7 months he probably became a monster of not meeting her needs.. It's not her, it's him. I'm sure she's a wonderful person by reading about her, she sounds like a real keeper. I hope she finds a person that can meet her every need 24/7 and keep her only happy all the time, or she might cheat on him. Good luck to that guy.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, and that can include immature BSs.
> 
> There is a huge amount of hypocrisy around this issue.
> 
> ...


I am solidly with Russel on this one. I don't think I have seen many betrayed spouses on here claiming they were perfect.

And there is also an issue of degree here.

An imperfect spouse who neglects sex, or doesn't keep the house clean, or skips out on date nights is not the same thing as an imperfect spouse that lies, sneaks around, and cheats.

Contaminants in a marriage are subject to a considerable degree of gradation here, and you just lumped them all on the same level.

I think most betrayed spouses are willing to own their flaws. That in no way puts them on the same level as a promiscuous spouse.

To my mind sexual or romantic infidelity is almost as viscous as violence. In many cases I would even suggest it would be abusive. Particularly if done overtly after the betrayed spouse making the hurtful behavior clear as crystal.

That's hardly the same as a spouse that forgets a birthday or two.

And you are further assuming that the cheating spouse only has the ONE flaw of being promiscuous.

I don't doubt both spouses have minor issues that create conflict in the home. But only ONE of the two spouses has decided to bring a ticking bomb into the home and HIDE it underneath the marital bed.


----------



## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> I am solidly with Russel on this one. I don't think I have seen many betrayed spouses on here claiming they were perfect.
> 
> And there is also an issue of degree here.
> 
> ...


:iagree: There are flaws and there are flaws. I agree that there is a clear discontinuity (qualitative difference) separating "flawed spouse" qualities (inattentiveness, laziness, LD, toilet-seat-keeper-upper, whatever) and "failed spouse" qualities (abuse, infidelity, abandonment, etc.). It seems, with respect, that some people consider this to be a continuous spectrum. I cannot agree with this.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

This article's really got some of ya'll riled up. I hate to break it to you but if you examine some to the threads by wives who cheat, you'll spot these things a number of times. Hey, just because they may somewhat link the reason for the wife cheating to the negligence of the BH, in and of itself, doesn't make it totally hogwash.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> Hey, just because they may somewhat link the reason for the wife cheating to the negligence of the BH, in and of itself, doesn't make it totally hogwash.


 Sure it does. Please understand, as a human no spouse is perfect. If a cheater wants to find an excuse to cheat, they will always be able to find one. The 3 ones listed in the article are favorites because they are all subjective, and at least one of them can be said about almost any marriage when the subjective analysis of a cheater is applied.

You either want to be in a marraige or you do not. You do not get to cake eat. The one that was cheating after only 7 months of marriage was the most ridiculous since she could have so easily ended the marraige if she was unhappy. Apparently, cake eating is an acquired taste that is hard to give up.


----------



## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Ok, I did my own study and it was pretty conclusive. 100% of the women in my study cheated because they were selfish b!tches!

And like the study we are discussing, the number of participants was limited, with one women studied (my WW). I realize this a small sample, but my research has been very, very extensive and the results have been meticulously collected and verified. I'm just looking for a Journal (Other than my own), to publish my results.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

HarryDoyle said:


> Ok, I did my own study and it was pretty conclusive. 100% of the women in my study cheated because they were selfish b!tches!
> 
> And like the study we are discussing, the number of participants was limited, with one women studied (my WW). I realize this a small sample, but my research has been very, very extensive and the results have been meticulously collected and verified. I'm just looking for a Journal (Other than my own), to publish my results.


 The article had 3 researchers studying 4 cheaters for a researcher to cheater ratio of .75. Your 1 research to 1 cheater study gives you a researcher to cheater ratio of 1.00, so you are right there in the same ballpark ratio wise to the article's ratio. I know that this ratio information is actually not very useful, but so is a study with only 4 subjects.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Have ya'll ever wondered about the guy's who have been in two, three, or more relationships and every gal they've been with cheated on them? Just the luck of the draw I guess. It'd be a waste for them to do a personal inventory on how they relate to women.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Wrong.
> 
> The end result is binary, yes. The probability or likelihood is affected by many things, and some of those MAY be due to things the BS should have reasonably done, but didn't.


Likelihood is increased greatly by the ability to make up justifications and excuses and reasons... Just like you are doing now. You are giving yourself permission to cheat, you just don't realize it... or perhaps you do, and you've already been down that road. If not, be careful.. Your BS isn't going to push you to cheat, your ability to blame others for your own failings might though. You'll be able to do it, then say "it was circumstances, life is hard, I didn't get enough hugs, I deserved to be happy... etc.." 

Step 1 to cheating, talk about what other people should do for you.. and for your relationship.. look everywhere except at your weak boundaries, poor self control, selfishness, ability to compartmentalize and make up stupid justifications etc... Instead blame the person that has no idea what's going on, the person that's left in the dark. Because they aren't 'doing things that should be reasonably done' whatever the hell that means.

Here's something that should be reasonably done in a marriage. You shouldn't lie to your spouse so you can sneak out and sleep with someone else. How's that for a reasonable expectation from a spouse? Can we blame that on something? Oh no, that's never the case.. if someone cheats, it must be because the partner failed them in some way. It can't possibly be because they just wanted some strange and went for it, and didn't give a crap about the marriage at that point in time.

You can't prevent someone from cheating on you by jumping through hoops to meet needs and try to please them.. Then they'll say you were beta, and needy and not interesting enough.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> Have ya'll ever wondered about the guy's who have been in two, three, or more relationships and every gal they've been with cheated on them? Just the luck of the draw I guess. It'd be a waste for them to do a personal inventory on how they relate to women.


Yea, the guy that picks up tramps from the bar and always goes for the flirty type.. They might be attracted to that type, or it might be where they are meeting them.

Using your logic, here's the flip side.

My wifes family.. grandma cheated on grandpa, he seemed like a good guy, provided, was always there... Mom cheated on her dad, he was a good guy, has been married since they split about 20 years now. Her reasons were he worked too much, and a bunch of bull she made up later about him gambling and cheating both are lies, his gambling was $10 scratch tickets on friday and he didn't have time to cheat because he had to work two jobs and go to school (aka he was never there for her) to support his three children and his house and bills. She worked one job and dated other guys for a hobby.

Her aunt cheated with a married man, left her husband for him, similar situation to the rest of the family.

My wife cheats, good husband, always provided, no verbal or abuse, not a drinker, just got bored with me and got hot and bothered by the guy in work.

So four women, same family.. all cheated on husbands that seemed like normal decent human beings. Did all four of these guys do something to deserve to be cheated on? Do these women all choose the same type of guy (the kind they can manipulate and cheat on?)

So yea, some guys get cheated on twice.. and some cheaters cheat on guys twice.. and some cheating runs in the family and has nothing to do with the BS but more to do with the cheaters just doing what they do.. then making up a bunch of crap to explain it away, so they don't have to feel ashamed or stupid. It doesn't work, it still sounds pretty stupid to anyone with half a brain. 

You don't cheat because your husband snores, or because he drinks.. you cheat because you can get away with it, and it feels good and you want to. If you never asked the husband, then stop blaming the husband. 

Marriage problems are before an affair, if you want to talk about them or work on them then, it's all cool.. but after an affair, those problems are like comparing a ripple in a pool to a tsunami wave in the ocean.

In my case.. my wife f's a guy for half a decade, gets caught.. and she's going to tell me that it's my fault because I was too controlling? How do you have an affair for half a decade if someone is controlling you? Wouldn't the person that's manipulating and cheating be the one using the affair as a power play to control the relationship? But many fools will fall for it, and say 'ooh, honey I'm so sorry I was mean to you, I told you to stop flirting with men, that was bad of me, I should have drove you on dates with them to keep you happy and pleased'


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> Have ya'll ever wondered about the guy's who have been in two, three, or more relationships and every gal they've been with cheated on them? Just the luck of the draw I guess. It'd be a waste for them to do a personal inventory on how they relate to women.


One other question.. which do you think is more common:

BS gets cheated on more than once, or...

Cheater cheats on more than one BS.

I'd guess the cheaters repeating would be the more common scenario, if I had to make an educated guess. My MIL did cheat on her OM after she married him, so she cheated twice and like I said, her husband is still married and his wife appears to be faithful from what I can tell.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I kind of gave up on the whole article after the first sentence “when past research suggested that infidelity is one of the leading reasons for divorce”. 

Glad they could clear that up in the first sentence, I am sure this came as a surprise to just about everyone.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I thought it would have been far more enlightening if they had asked these WW who had been divorced for their cheating if they had ended up in a lasting relationship with the POSOM.

My bet would be that it would be an 0 for 4 survey result.

And then some follow up questions on if they realized their sweet, attentive AP's were just feeding them attention so they could screw them.

I wonder how many of them still think their BH's were so bad to be with after realizing they were just c*m dumpsters for some slick manipulator who played on their unhappiness"


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> I thought it would have been far more enlightening if they had asked these WW who had been divorced for their cheating if they had ended up in a lasting relationship with the POSOM.
> 
> My bet would be that it would be an 0 for 4 survey result.
> 
> ...


Don't be so sure they didn't want to be a c.. dumpster, and don't be so sure they weren't the one doing the manipulating. These women know what they want, and they know what they are doing. They want you to believe they are victims, that's why they blame other people for their own shortcomings. They do something bad, and when they get caught, it's the fault of everyone and anyone that's not them.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

russell28,

Oh...I agree with you. They very may well have been the aggressors.

My point was, even if you accept their story and justifications at face value, the truth would still be that they failed to even 'get' what they were supposedly missing.

All 4 of them had the same bullsh*t excuses for cheating, but the article never says if the study asked them about the results of the A, other than the fact they all were D'd as a result.

I think for the general public, which has a very poor understanding of the causes and results of an A, it would have been far more enlightening to ask the cheats if the A even gave them what they claimed to be missing.

If people who had never had an A saw a study that clearly demonstrated that the A not only destroyed the M but was an utter failure at addressing the 'reasons' for it, them maybe they would see it just isn't worth it.

After all. I bet many women probably read that and thought to themselves, "Hey, my M and H are exactly like that too...if it worked for them, maybe it would work for me."

A little reality check about the true results might have opened some eyes.


----------



## SevenYears (Jun 23, 2014)

In most cases I think cheating occurs because someone comes along and the WS is attracted to them. Yep, its that simple. Some WS's will sleep with them straight away. Some need to have an excuse first so they'll start complaining about everything their partner does, no matter how minor, with either the OM/OW or with their partner. This may include things from years ago.

After a few weeks/months of this they can now pretend that they are a poor victim in the relationship who's partner doesn't love them and sleep with the OM/OW as much as they like without a shred of guilt. 

And when the affair is discovered and they want to reconcile, even if they agree that the affair was 100% their fault, they will use the problems they created as their reason for the affair. 

I don't know why they can't admit the fact that they had their affair simply because they were attracted to the OM/OW and in some cases checking to see if they would be a better catch than their current partner.


----------



## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> That's all baloney.
> 
> If people cheat it's because they don't have the maturity to resolve their marital problems constructively.
> 
> ...


The immaturity is one that I never thought to associate with cheating, but you're right, that's a huge one.


----------



## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

1. Lack of quality time.
2. Inability to resolve conflict.
3. Lack of attention

These all point blame to the BS don't they? Who wrote this article?


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I would take the notion of maturity one step further, and say "emotional immaturity. " I know multiple cheaters that go to work, pay bills, are successful, etc... so they are mature in that sense. .. but get into feelings and love, they do things akin to a teenager. Just as vices can be cheating, drinking, gambling, etc... the person can be a cheater, physically abusive, or a complete narcissist... all of which require self fulfilling actions/decision making.


----------

