# New Guy Here w/2 Years of Problems



## s0medude (Jun 10, 2011)

Hi everyone. This is my first time post here, but certainly won't be my last. I'm a 38-yr-old male that's married to a 37-yr-old female (just 5 months difference in age), and we have two children who are 3 and 6. I've been married to my wife for just over 10 years, and we've been to marriage counseling on two separate occasions.

If you could, please take a moment to read something I posted here that is just poisoning my life (link provided at the end of this post). I don't know what else to do, because separation/divorce is NOT an option for me. I just want to get my wife back, my marriage back on track, and my life back because I'm just a very depressed husband in dire need of his wife.

Thanks guys/gals.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/26794-wife-not-interested-sex-anymore.html


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

This is just my opinion, but I'd say that one thing that really hurts us in today's world is that we become sedentary by letting things entertain us, and we become boring. Its a habit we all have to fight. When looking at your wife, there's the tendency to think about your sexual needs, but not that spark that keeps her feeling like there is really something to look forward to.

I'd suggest that you start by setting aside the goal of just getting the closeness that comes with sex for a while. Be the guy she fell in love with. Push the envelope because you will both grow in sophistication over the years.

Some women are turned on by a guy who is bold and agressive, but not controlling or insulting. The guy who never settles for the ordinary. In a sense, if other women were to see you as someone they would want to be with, your wife will step up her game. This is the guy who feels like he deserves her love, because he'll do anything for her. Knowing her, you'll understand what fits within her boundaries. For us, there is always suggestive teasing, grabbing her out of the blue for some neck action, etc. Often, when we fo to a restaraunt, I'll drop off before and ask the hostess if I can leave flowers and a card to be set on our table before we arrive. I've been to some of our regulars enough to trust them to get it right. Just think outside the box. You can even buy the panties you want her to wear out for a night, and give them to her before you go. In short, make it obvious that you are going out of your comfort zone for her. Not her sex.

Just start doing things for her, but don't let there be a direct connection to sex right away. Tell her in advance that you want to show her how you feel, and that you are changing, so sex is off the table until she says it isn't.

Don't settle for boring. Settle for making her happy. Think outside the box and always be doing something that shows her that you are putting effort into her. As an example, in my current city, we can't see the stars. My wife likes stargazing in the fall, so I found a farmer that would take 15 dollars every time we used his land for "stargazing" (several just laughed at me). I don't even take a telscope though. When there is a meteor shower, I'll take the double sleeping bag, set in on canvas, and after wine and snacks, we'll spend the night letting her watch the meteor shower while making love.

Little things go a long way. Out for coffee after dinner, walks together, etc. When my wife took out the spring decorations, she found notes in items that I had placed last year. She'll stumble upon hershey's kisses in her underwear drawer. Once, when she went into a labelling stage in her desk, I borrowed the labeller and put one that said "Heaven's gift to mankind" on her underwear drawer.

Just a few things to consider.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

These links likely contain your life story.

Read them all and ponder them all.

We're here to answer any questions.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html




s0medude said:


> Hi everyone. This is my first time post here, but certainly won't be my last. I'm a 38-yr-old male that's married to a 37-yr-old female (just 5 months difference in age), and we have two children who are 3 and 6. I've been married to my wife for just over 10 years, and we've been to marriage counseling on two separate occasions.
> 
> If you could, please take a moment to read something I posted here that is just poisoning my life (link provided at the end of this post). I don't know what else to do, because separation/divorce is NOT an option for me. I just want to get my wife back, my marriage back on track, and my life back because I'm just a very depressed husband in dire need of his wife.
> 
> ...


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> This is just my opinion, but I'd say that one thing that really hurts us in today's world is that we become sedentary by letting things entertain us, and we become boring. Its a habit we all have to fight. When looking at your wife, there's the tendency to think about your sexual needs, but not that spark that keeps her feeling like there is really something to look forward to.
> 
> I'd suggest that you start by setting aside the goal of just getting the closeness that comes with sex for a while. Be the guy she fell in love with. Push the envelope because you will both grow in sophistication over the years.
> 
> ...


Halien ~

WOW!! I hope your wife knows how blessed she is to have you!


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Halien ~
> 
> WOW!! I hope your wife knows how blessed she is to have you!


Thanks, but the last 6 or 7 years have been hard, unfortunately, with her major bipolar spiral inc. mania episodes. We're healing, though.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> This is just my opinion, but I'd say that one thing that really hurts us in today's world is that we become sedentary by letting things entertain us, and we become boring. Its a habit we all have to fight. When looking at your wife, there's the tendency to think about your sexual needs, but not that spark that keeps her feeling like there is really something to look forward to.
> 
> I'd suggest that you start by setting aside the goal of just getting the closeness that comes with sex for a while. Be the guy she fell in love with. Push the envelope because you will both grow in sophistication over the years.
> 
> ...


In between that pesky high pressure career you have, you really need to stop being so selfish and form the Halien School of Hotness. Lessons should include how to be awesome, how to make women swoon and how to be a King among men. 
Damn, it's hot enough in Houston right now, why did you have to go and post that? :nono:


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> In between that pesky high pressure career you have, you really need to stop being so selfish and form the Halien School of Hotness. Lessons should include how to be awesome, how to make women swoon and how to be a King among men.
> Damn, it's hot enough in Houston right now, why did you have to go and post that? :nono:


Thanks, but in real life I'm often a bit of a dork sometimes. Actually put the sleeping bag in ants one time. And another stroll through florida to "the perfect sunset" introduced us to a species known as 'redbugs', or maybe 'chiggers', and the locals claimed that you could only stop the itching migration by urinating on it. I settled for lighter fluid instead. Didn't light it though, but wanted to.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> Thanks, but in real life I'm often a bit of a dork sometimes. Actually put the sleeping bag in ants one time. And another stroll through florida to "the perfect sunset" introduced us to a species known as 'redbugs', or maybe 'chiggers', and the locals claimed that you could only stop the itching migration by urinating on it. I settled for lighter fluid instead. Didn't light it though, but wanted to.


So the modified version of Halien's School of Hotness will include not lighting yourself on fire. 
To the OP, listen to this gem. Just listen to him.


----------

