# Is she not into it?



## ThrowAway123 (Sep 25, 2021)

Hi, I have been reading this forum for few months and this is my first post. I am not a native Englisg speaker, so please excuse my unintentional mistakes. There is an issue raising in my current relationship and I am lookung for any possible solution. 

I was engaged to Jule(not real name) for one year( togather for 4 years). She was very sexual in nature very much involved in anal sex which I enjoyed very much. But she cheated on me with my business partner/ best friend. I tried to reconcile for few months but it was too much. We broke up. 

One year later in 2013, I met Mona, my current fiance, wedding in Feb2022. We have a 3 months old daughter. Everything is perfect except (you guesed it !) anal sex. I dont know if she likes it or not even if she says she does. She initiates piv sex but not anal. I want her to want it. I dont understand if it's "me" issue, because Jule wanted it frequently and initiated most of the time. But Mona never initiates.

How do I approach this?

Mods, if the post is inappropriate, feel free to remove it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Not everyone wants something going up the poop chute and even if she does, she may be too embarrassed to ask.

If anal is that important to you, you may have nutted in the wrong hole.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It's a you issue. Not a lot of women want or initiate anal sex regularly.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Have you tried asking her?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

How big are you?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Have you tried asking her?


What an idea! Talk to your partner, such a novel idea, lol. 

@ThrowAway123 If the dates you listed are accurate, you have been with your current fiancé since 2013. You haven't mentioned anal sex to her over the 8 years of your relationship?


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## ThrowAway123 (Sep 25, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You haven't mentioned anal sex to her over the 8 years of your relationship?


Thanks for the reply you all. 
As I said, we talked about it and done it. But it's like she lets me do it only when I ask for it. And when I ask if she likes it, she says she does. But I feel like she only lets me do it because she knows very well I enjoyed it with my ex. Now, I dont want her to do something she doesn't want or enjoy. If she doesn't like it she could just tell me. I love her with everything. If she doesn't like it, I will not go for it again. 

We haven't done it since before she got pregnant with our daughter. Now with a newborn it's out of the question. We are having normal sex. And with MIL currently living with us(to help with the baby) we can't have freaky sex anyway.

How should I approach this issue?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Have you tried asking her?


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## ThrowAway123 (Sep 25, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Have you tried asking her?


Yes, I asked. She said she likes it. But my problem is she doesn't act like one before or during the act.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Do you actually care? If she doesn’t prefer it but she does like you and wants to make you happy what’s the problem?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ThrowAway123 said:


> And with MIL currently living with us(to help with the baby) we can't have freaky sex anyway.
> 
> How should I approach this issue?


Buy your MIL some earplugs?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Yes, I asked. She said she likes it. But my problem is she doesn't act like one before or during the act.


Then that tells you she tolerates it because you have obviously made this a big deal - even telling her how much your cheating ex loved getting it in the butt.

It doesn't sound like this is a dealbreaker for you, so why not drop it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Hi, I have been reading this forum for few months and this is my first post. I am not a native Englisg speaker, so please excuse my unintentional mistakes. There is an issue raising in my current relationship and I am lookung for any possible solution.
> 
> I was engaged to Jule(not real name) for one year( togather for 4 years). She was very sexual in nature very much involved in anal sex which I enjoyed very much. But she cheated on me with my business partner/ best friend. I tried to reconcile for few months but it was too much. We broke up.
> 
> ...


Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

A lot, as in most, women do NOT like anal. Some will do it occasionally to please their partners but that should be accepted as a treat, not a regular dish.

You have a woman who wants sex with you and initiates.

Quit complaining because you have it really good.

If she has anal with you occasionally, understand that she probably doesn't really enjoy it but is just giving to you during the experience.

Have you let a woman do you with a strap on?

You might want to let your wife plow your potato patch with a six inch by 5 inch girth dildo and then you might have a clue what she is putting up with for you.

It isn't like their plumbing is a lot different than ours in that respect and the sensations are similar.

I've never been interested but would attempt it if my lady really wanted to. I've been with more than my fair share and not one has asked.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You’re watching too much porn. 

While there are people that enjoy anal sex occasionally, it should never be a assumed to be a standard routine.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ThrowAway123 said:


> We haven't done it since before she got pregnant with our daughter. Now with a newborn it's out of the question. We are having normal sex. And with MIL currently living with us(to help with the baby) we can't have freaky sex anyway.
> 
> How should I approach this issue?


Given the fact that your fiancée has stated she likes anal sex, and shares it when you ask. You would do well to trust her, and to lead initiation/asking for anal sex more frequently than you do.

You either trust Mona to honestly share her sexual intimacy with you honestly, or you do not.

That said I wonder why you stopped initiating/asking for anal sex for as long as you have. Since in my experience some women enjoy anal sex throughout pregnancy and following getting the all clear for sex after giving birth as well.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Thanks for the reply you all.
> As I said, we talked about it and done it. But it's like she lets me do it only when I ask for it. And when I ask if she likes it, she says she does. But I feel like she only lets me do it because she knows very well I enjoyed it with my ex. Now, I dont want her to do something she doesn't want or enjoy. If she doesn't like it she could just tell me. I love her with everything. If she doesn't like it, I will not go for it again.
> 
> We haven't done it since before she got pregnant with our daughter. Now with a newborn it's out of the question. We are having normal sex. And with MIL currently living with us(to help with the baby) we can't have freaky sex anyway.
> ...


So what's the problem?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
> 
> A lot, as in most, women do NOT like anal. Some will do it occasionally to please their partners but that should be accepted as a treat, not a regular dish.


From looking this up and my own experience I concur that the majority of women don't like anal sex. That said their is a significant percentage of women who do enjoy anal sex. Plus some of them like my wife enjoy it very frequently and even sometimes orgasms through penetrative anal sex.



> You have a woman who wants sex with you and initiates.
> 
> Quit complaining because you have it really good.


If he wants to share anal sex more frequently with his fiancee, who has said she enjoys it. Then @ThrowAway123 ought to be more sure of himself, and initiate more frequently to better satiate his desire to share anal sex with her.



> If she has anal with you occasionally, understand that she probably doesn't really enjoy it but is just giving to you during the experience.


Or perhaps she would like it more often, yet would prefer ThrowAway123 to initiate anal sex more frequently than he has.



> Have you let a woman do you with a strap on?
> 
> You might want to let your wife plow your potato patch with a six inch by 5 inch girth dildo and then you might have a clue what she is putting up with for you.
> 
> It isn't like their plumbing is a lot different than ours in that respect and the sensations are similar.


I've never had a women use a strap on with me. Yet with my wife, I've experienced her variously using her lubed; fingers, thumb, fingers and thumb, dildo and or her tongue to penetrate me anally, often in combination with fellatio. And all of those things have been a real pleasure for me.

That said one does not need to be on the receiving end of anal sex, to find themselves with a partner that enjoys receiving it from them.



> I've never been interested but would attempt it if my lady really wanted to. I've been with more than my fair share and not one has asked.


I've been with a fair share as well, and several of them have been keen for it (asking and offering). For the most part I've tended to find sexual partners who have matched my sexual mores. Perhaps your experience shows that you have also mostly found sexual partners, that share your sexual mores as well?



oldshirt said:


> While there are people that enjoy anal sex occasionally, it should never be a assumed to be a standard routine.


Occasionally?

Except for illness, rare hospitalisation, or waiting for the all clear after vaginal childbirth, plus some times spent apart through work. My wife has been on the receiving end of frequent penetrative anal sex (amongst other things), several times a week (circa 90% of all of the times we share sex) through almost 25 years.

Even my ex-wife was keen on anal sex as well. Plus some others in-between. With only one notable exception being my third longest lasting sexual relationship partner, who didn't like it at all from her experiences before we met.

If you have the right partner and know what you're doing, one can find it does become a standard routine.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Thanks for the reply you all.
> As I said, we talked about it and done it. But it's like she lets me do it only when I ask for it. And when I ask if she likes it, she says she does. But I feel like she only lets me do it because she knows very well I enjoyed it with my ex. Now, I dont want her to do something she doesn't want or enjoy. If she doesn't like it she could just tell me. I love her with everything. If she doesn't like it, I will not go for it again.
> 
> We haven't done it since before she got pregnant with our daughter. Now with a newborn it's out of the question. We are having normal sex. And with MIL currently living with us(to help with the baby) we can't have freaky sex anyway.
> ...


I really don't know what you have to complain about. She obviously doesn't love anal or she would be asking for it, but at the same time she allows it and has even said she likes it when you ask. Take that as a blessing. I know my wife is very clear that part of her body is one way only and I suspect most women are the same. You are lucky that she allows it at all.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I know my wife is very clear that part of her body is one way only and *I suspect most women are the same.* You are lucky that she allows it at all.


Think again.









I Genuinely Like Anal Sex and I’m Tired of Feeling Bad About It


A woman shouldn't be defined by her sexual preferences.




www.glamour.com













Here's Who's Most Likely To Have Anal Sex


There are a lot of misconceptions out there about anal sex, but the biggest one might be that nobody's having it.




www.refinery29.com













Why Do Women Who Have Anal Sex Get More Orgasms?


94 percent of women who received anal sex in their last encounter said they reached orgasm.




slate.com


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Personal said:


> Think again.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I didn't say there weren't any woman that like anal. My statement is still true, most woman do no. Most women have not even tried anal.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I didn't say there weren't any woman that like anal. My statement is still true, most woman do no. Most women have not even tried anal.


Various studies through the last 15 years, put it at circa 40%+ of women have tried it, and those numbers continue to grow.

While one study indicated that 31% of women study participants enjoy anal sex.

One thing that is notable for me is that almost all of my sexual partners had tried anal sex and the majority of them (certainly not all) enjoyed it.

That said like one of the articles I linked to, almost all of my sexual partners have been tertiary educated,and we’re not religious (mostly atheists).


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Personal said:


> Various studies through the last 15 years, put it at circa 40%+ of women have tried it, and those numbers continue to grow.
> 
> While one study indicated that 31% of women study participants enjoy anal sex.
> 
> ...


Those atheists, they sure do like sodomy, lol. J/K

I'll be honest, my sexual experience with multiple partners is non-existent. I've had sex thousands of times, but all with the same person. I can tell you for sure after 35 years of poking at this topic (sorry for the pun), she isn't going for it. There are only a few other women that I've heard an opinion from. Strange topics can come up when you and your wife are getting buzzed with friends. Some have tried it, but none have said, oh yeah, gotta have it. Of course it could be a different story behind closed doors. 

I still say to the OP, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. He's getting anal sex, he wife says she likes it and this guy is still getting "regular" sex in spite of a new baby and MIL living in the same house. He is one lucky man if you ask me.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Personal said:


> Various studies through the last 15 years, put it at circa 40%+ of women have tried it, and those numbers continue to grow.
> 
> While one study indicated that 31% of women study participants enjoy anal sex.
> 
> ...


Just adding data; it's not something W likes everytime but now and the we do it, maybe once a month, and she likes it when the mood strikes both of us.

The first time I surprised her by poking around, some years ago, and it was a surprise moment, she went with it. I did prepare behind the scenes with anal friendly lube etc.

The first time I did it was when single almost 40 yrs ago and I was the surprised; the young lady I'd just met, the second time we had sex she took the reigns and put mr happy in her back door, herself. I just rolled with it as a young guy would.

But it surprised me enough, at 17yo, that I remember it to this day.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I didn't say there weren't any woman that like anal. My statement is still true, most woman do no. Most women have not even tried anal.


Not that I've dated a ton of women but enough to say out of all of them, 2 allowed anal sex with me and one of those 2 actually enjoyed it. The one who allowed it and didn't enjoy it asked to try it one other time, and we didn't get far. The one who enjoyed it, well I'd say she was one of the few who actually orgasimed from it, which is why she enjoyed it so much.

It's really not something a lot of women I know are into or enjoy. I do have a friend who allows her husband to do it once a year on his birthday, but just because he likes it, she loves him and deals with the "uncomfortableness" of it for those few minutes a year


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> How big are you?


Thank you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Thanks for the reply you all.
> As I said, we talked about it and done it. But it's like she lets me do it only when I ask for it. And when I ask if she likes it, she says she does. But I feel like she only lets me do it because she knows very well I enjoyed it with my ex. Now, I dont want her to do something she doesn't want or enjoy. If she doesn't like it she could just tell me. I love her with everything. If she doesn't like it, I will not go for it again.
> 
> We haven't done it since before she got pregnant with our daughter. Now with a newborn it's out of the question. We are having normal sex. And with MIL currently living with us(to help with the baby) we can't have freaky sex anyway.
> ...


Just tell her, Look, I don't ever want to do anything that you don't enjoy that would spoil sex for you or hurt you, so don't be afraid to just let me know if you don't want to do something.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
> 
> A lot, as in most, women do NOT like anal. Some will do it occasionally to please their partners but that should be accepted as a treat, not a regular dish.
> 
> ...


And everything else aside, I've known people who have really damaged themselves physically doing it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> From looking this up and my own experience I concur that the majority of women don't like anal sex. That said their is a significant percentage of women who do enjoy anal sex. Plus some of them like my wife enjoy it very frequently and even sometimes orgasm through penetrative anal sex.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree. I'm just not as patient at the moment and have been cutting my posts short.

Just because she doesn't initiate anal isn't anything to be upset about. She really might just like him to be more of the initiator in that area.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

ThrowAway123 said:


> *How do I approach this?*
> 
> Mods, if the post is inappropriate, feel free to remove it.


From behind. Now that I have that out of my system...if she's not into it just do it doggy PIV and pound it while imagining it to be anal.

My wife wanted to try it many years ago...couldn't get it in, a combination of her being too snug and also my girthiness. Haven't tried it again.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> From behind. Now that I have that out of my system...if she's not into it just do it doggy PIV and pound it while imagining it to be anal.
> 
> My wife wanted to try it many years ago...couldn't get it in, a combination of her being too snug and also my girthiness. Haven't tried it again.


I know my wife told me hell no to anal because of my girthness. Not that I'm huge but I guess she doesn't want to find out how tight of a squeeze it would be


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Thank you.


And honestly, he OP doesn't have to be that big for his gf to say no.

Not to be gross but think about taking a big dump, that hurts like hell, then looking at it just to find out it wasn't as big as it felt


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)




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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I’d love to have a lover that knows how to do it well. There in lies the problem. It can be very gratifying if done properly.

I stand by what I have posted before…if you want to go there, you need to master the art of my vagina first. Then we can talk 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

ThrowAway123 said:


> I want her to want it. I dont understand if it's "me" issue, because Jule wanted it frequently and initiated most of the time. But Mona never initiates.
> 
> Mods, if the post is inappropriate, feel free to remove it.


Yes, it's a "you" issue. You want what you want. You are a taker and selfish. It is not all about you and what you want. She is doing it out of obligation. Obligation sex is coercion. Your post reeks of coercion.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

AndStilliRise said:


> Yes, it's a "you" issue. You want what you want. You are a taker and selfish. It is not all about you and what you want. She is doing it out of obligation. Obligation sex is coercion. Your post reeks of coercion.


This is a little much I think.

Everyone wants other people to like the same things they like. Whether it is sexual positions, orifice of choice, music, movies, food, vacation spot, whatever. Everyone wants to feel like they are not dragging their partner where they want to go.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

AndStilliRise said:


> Yes, it's a "you" issue. You want what you want. You are a taker and selfish. It is not all about you and what you want. She is doing it out of obligation. Obligation sex is coercion. Your post reeks of coercion.


Nothing he said sounds like coercion and he doesn't sound selfish. All he did was express his desires. Since when did that become selfish?


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Nothing he said sounds like coercion and he doesn't sound selfish. All he did was express his desires. Since when did that become selfish?


He did more than express it. He keeps pushing her and asking her and making her know it's a big deal to him and he doesn't care if she likes it or not. He wants her to like it and doesn't care if she really does or not. Instead he compares her to other women in his past that did. That's not loving your partner. That is being selfish.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

AndStilliRise said:


> He did more than express it. He keeps pushing her and asking her and making her know it's a big deal to him and he doesn't care if she likes it or not. He wants her to like it and doesn't care if she really does or not. Instead he compares her to other women in his past that did. That's not loving your partner. That is being selfish.


I don't see that at all from his posts. I am not sure where you see he is pressuring her or forcing her. He even expressed at least once that he cares if she does or doesn't because he does not want her to do something she doesn't want to do.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

AndStilliRise said:


> He did more than express it. He keeps pushing her and asking her and making her know it's a big deal to him and he doesn't care if she likes it or not. He wants her to like it and doesn't care if she really does or not. Instead he compares her to other women in his past that did. That's not loving your partner. That is being selfish.


I think you are projecting some personal biases onto the OP. Absolutely nothing he said leads me to believe their is any kind of coercion or constant pushing of the issue. I'm not sure what you are reading. He actually sounds genuinely caring and concerned for his wife and her pleasure. He brought up the fact that a previous GF did it, but again, no indication that he is beating her up over that fact. She just doesn't initiate anal sex and he wants to be sure she enjoys it. Sounds like a loving husband to me. Look at what he says here...



ThrowAway123 said:


> As I said, we talked about it and done it. But it's like she lets me do it only when I ask for it. And when I ask if she likes it, she says she does. But I feel like she only lets me do it because she knows very well I enjoyed it with my ex. *Now, I dont want her to do something she doesn't want or enjoy. If she doesn't like it she could just tell me. I love her with everything. If she doesn't like it, I will not go for it again.*
> 
> We haven't done it since before she got pregnant with our daughter. Now with a newborn it's out of the question. We are having normal sex. And with MIL currently living with us(to help with the baby) we can't have freaky sex anyway.


Throughout this thread all he said is his wife doesn't initiate it, so he asks for it, she says yes, then when it is over she said she enjoyed it. If that is coercion then nearly every sexual encounter I have with my wife is coercion.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> But it surprised me enough, at 17yo, that I remember it to this day.


My first experience of doing it was when I was 17, with my then 16 year old girlfriend, who later became my first wife.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I’d love to have a lover that knows how to do it well. There in lies the problem. It can be very gratifying if done properly.


Indeed it can be, unfortunately many men don't do it well.



> I stand by what I have posted before…if you want to go there, you need to master the art of my vagina first. Then we can talk


That ought to be a given.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Personal said:


> Indeed it can be, unfortunately many men don't do it well.


This is maybe a practice makes perfect situation? I don’t know because my wife isn’t a fan, but at least she hooked me up so now I don’t wonder about it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> This is maybe a practice makes perfect situation? I don’t know because my wife isn’t a fan, but at least she hooked me up so now I don’t wonder about it.


Yes practice does go a very long way. Although there are plenty of people who can practice something a lot, yet still never become good at whatever they are doing.

The lucky ones are those who also have a natural talent for being good at sex, which goes a very long way further when they combine it with practice.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Tasorundo said:


> I don't see that at all from his posts. I am not sure where you see he is pressuring her or forcing her. He even expressed at least once that he cares if she does or doesn't because he does not want her to do something she doesn't want to do.


I never said force. That's an entirely different discussion altogether.


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## ThrowAway123 (Sep 25, 2021)

Thanks for the replies and different perspectives. After going through all of them, I have reached to few conclusions:

1. I might be expecting much more than she is comfortable. This is "me" issue and it comes from my cheating ex.
2. Building a life togather means compromise. And our PIV sex is very satisfying and we both enjoy it. So, I am willing to let this issue go. 
3. I don't want to sound like a broken record to her as we talked about it few years ago. 

I haven't raised this issue recently yet but... *do I have to? Should I?* With a kid and wedding in few months, I don't want to add another issue. Right now I think I shall wait another year to discuss this matter with her.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I think all men should try anal first before asking their wives/partners... maybe a few would change their mind about asking...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I think all men should try anal first before asking their wives/partners... maybe a few would change their mind about asking...


What did you think about it? 😉


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> What did you think about it? 😉


I enjoyed it...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

You're a good sport. And good show, to roll with a bit of humor 👍👍


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

ThrownAway,

If my impression from what you wrote is correct, your girlfriend likes it because it turns you on, and seeing you turned on turns her on and makes her happy and feels sexually desired by you.

If my wife could orgasm from peeing on me or licking her toes I would really get turned on by it, despite the fact that I don't have a fetish for either of those two acts.


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## rebeccamber (10 mo ago)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Hi, I have been reading this forum for few months and this is my first post. I am not a native Englisg speaker, so please excuse my unintentional mistakes. There is an issue raising in my current relationship and I am lookung for any possible solution.
> 
> I was engaged to Jule(not real name) for one year( togather for 4 years). She was very sexual in nature very much involved in anal sex which I enjoyed very much. But she cheated on me with my business partner/ best friend. I tried to reconcile for few months but it was too much. We broke up.
> 
> ...


Me and my man were same.. I had done it with other partners but my husband Hurt me when he tried to go up there. So we talked about it bought stuff to help us. (Toys and lube) but it ended up happening one night when we wasn't expecting it now we know what we need to do to have it happen again.. I'd make sure she's really horny super wet and try it when your both really relaxed.


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## MysticMoon (Jan 9, 2018)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Hi, I have been reading this forum for few months and this is my first post. I am not a native Englisg speaker, so please excuse my unintentional mistakes. There is an issue raising in my current relationship and I am lookung for any possible solution.
> 
> I was engaged to Jule(not real name) for one year( togather for 4 years). She was very sexual in nature very much involved in anal sex which I enjoyed very much. But she cheated on me with my business partner/ best friend. I tried to reconcile for few months but it was too much. We broke up.
> 
> ...


Not everyone likes anal. Is it really that big of a deal breaker for you? There are a lot of women who hate it. They either think it is gross, or dirty (wrong) or have tried it and their partner made it a painful experience. There are plenty of other things to do sexual besides anal. If you have to have it, respect that she isn't into it, and find new partners now in sync with what you each enjoy sexually.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Hi, I have been reading this forum for few months and this is my first post. I am not a native Englisg speaker, so please excuse my unintentional mistakes. There is an issue raising in my current relationship and I am lookung for any possible solution.
> 
> I was engaged to Jule(not real name) for one year( togather for 4 years). She was very sexual in nature very much involved in anal sex which I enjoyed very much. But she cheated on me with my business partner/ best friend. I tried to reconcile for few months but it was too much. We broke up.
> 
> ...


When it comes to sexual activities you basically have three positions. Those who want the activity, those who do not want the activity, and those what to not do that activity. Now with that middle group, they are the kind of people who won't mind doing the activity with you, but since it's not their thing, they are rarely going to go seeking it.

So your move at this point is to determine, by talking with Mona, as to whether she actively doesn't want anal, or is just willing to do it, but it's not a big deal for her. She obviously isn't in the want it category, otherwise she would initiate since you have, I'm guessing from your writing, shown that you do want it. In the end, if it's not her thing, she is never going to want it. She might only do it because it doesn't repulse her, and you want it.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ThrowAway123 said:


> Thanks for the replies and different perspectives. After going through all of them, I have reached to few conclusions:
> 
> 1. I might be expecting much more than she is comfortable. This is "me" issue and it comes from my cheating ex.
> 2. Building a life togather means compromise. And our PIV sex is very satisfying and we both enjoy it. So, I am willing to let this issue go.
> ...


Yes you should. You need to be clear between the two of you where this stands. She should do it because it is something that at the very least does not repulse her, and she is willing. Think of it this way. A lot of men don't like going shopping with their wives. But many also don't mind the shopping even if they don't want to, and they _do _enjoy spending time with their wives. So they go shopping with her. They would never go and do that type of shopping for themselves, but are willing to do it for their wives. The wife might want them to initiate the shopping trip, but it won't happen, but they will say yes when asked to go.

But you need to make sure that your wife is doing this because she wants to, even if it is only because you want it. You need to make sure she is not engaging in something that she actively doesn't want.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Here are a few pastes from WebMD… I’d say the selfish dudes on here having regular anal sex with their wives really don’t care about their wives health (or at least they care about more about their sexual satisfaction than their wife’s health)…

“The tissue inside the anus is not as well-protected as the skin outside the anus. Our external tissue has layers of dead cells that serve as a protective barrier against infection. The tissue inside the anus doesn't have this natural protection, which leaves it vulnerable to tearing and the spread of infection.”

“Repetitive anal sex may weaken the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feces until you can get to the toilet.”

“Using lubricants can help, but it doesn't completely prevent tearing.”

“Bleeding after could be due to a hemorrhoid or tear, or something more serious such as a perforation (hole) in the colon. This is a dangerous problem that needs medical attention right away. “


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)




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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Affaircare said:


> View attachment 84042


5 months isn't as bad as some zombie threads out there.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)




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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Yeah but what possible subject better to resurrect than this one. Butt stuff just has that special magic allure 🤣


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I hope the OP was able to rectify the situation.


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