# Feel neglected husband no sex drive. Help! Has diabetes



## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

I don't know if my husband lack of sex drive is because of medical issues or bored with me. We have been together over 20 years, have two children. We are close to 50 years old. My husband never had a high sex drive but was normal and started to dwindle down the road many years ago. My husband is hard working, high strung, nervous. He complains he's tired, headache, neck pain, stressed almost daily. My husband has type 1 diabetes. 

When it comes to sex I feel neglected, hurt and unwanted. It really makes me depressed. I have told him this for years and he tells me it's because of stress. He takes Viagra because of ED but complains about terrible heartburn. We have sex maybe 1-2 times a month only because I bring it up. He is never in the mood, I try to get him in the mood we will watch porno together and that might get him going a little but not enough. It's like he has to work hard to get excited. He goes limp if the room gets cold, if it's to hot, if he feels a pinch in his neck he'll lose it. He will lose it if he goes for awhile and gets tired. It's like he has no feelings down there.

He doesn't like to talk about it. All I hear is I work a lot and tired
Sex is like a chore with him and he probably feels the same way. I have tried vitamins and herbs to try to get him interested. 

If he's testosterone is low ( I had it checked 9 years ago we were trying for a baby and he's drive was on the low side back then) it came back in the low middle range. The doctor told him to try the testosterone patch and see if it would help with his drive but it made him very aggressive and he stopped it. He is hot tempered by nature so we didn't need to add more. So I don't know if getting it checked will help if he doesn't want to use anything not natural.

I lost over 50 lbs almost at goal weight and he's still not interested.
I feel worse now then before about the sex. I was thinking now I lost weight he will be more interested.

I don't know how to make me not feel this way. I try to focus on something else but a man is supposed to be interested in sex. 

I told him let's make a sex night weekly. Two weeks ago he took his Viagra we had sex but he was having a hard time getting off and finally he did then he woke up with severe heartburn and was up entire night. Then the following week we tried again and he said he got to hot and lost his erection - this week is not going to happen he's stressed about work ! I want to cry.

Any other ladies with the same type of problems?


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Get his T checked. Here is a good site for doubling levels naturally How to Increase Testosterone Naturally | The Art of Manliness 

My husbands levels did come up with this plan and I have my sweet man back and he has a sex drive. When he has a week off I have to work to keep up. 

Feel free to PM me.


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## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

Thank you
I will get his levels checked. When he does get some physical activity, walking, etc he can't wait to sit down and rest. Yesterday he came home we had dinner he did the dishes and took out the trash then his neck was stiff so he went and laid down and went to sleep!
Our son woke him up so he could play with him.

I'm going to try what you sent me


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

First of all don't feel that your H isn't having sex because of "YOU." if he would/could open up emotionally, he would probably tell you his problems are him and not you. You should be praised for loosing weight and wanting to protect your marriage.

Diabetes is a really incredible disease. Exercise, eating right and loosing weight are considered the keys to keeping it in check. ED is typically a huge issue of diabetic men.

Part of the eating right issue is both keeping carbs and total calories in check. Before modern medicines near starvation diets were used as a treatment. 

The other part is getting what the body needs in quantities that stay in the body. The problem is that frequent urination causes so many water soluable minerals, vitamines, nutrients to get flushed out of the body that there are often other serious, but secondary problems associated with the disease. These other problems can make exercise very difficult and if you don't take supplement the quantities of food required to get all your nutrients may be excessive.

He probably is tired and sore all the time. He probably has a hard time exercising because of the the circle of not much exercise compounded by poor nutrition making exercise difficult, compounded by joint aches and pains due to poor nutrion and lack of exercise.

You might want to talk to your H and tell him that you love him and want to spend a lot more years together with him. As such you want him to talk to a really good doctor about his diabetes not just his T level. 

You should see if you can go with him and also speak to the doctor. Request that the doctor set up an appointment for the two of you with a first rate nutrionist so the two of you can eat more healthy and your H can get the various nutrients that his body needs to be fully healthy.

Good luck.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Get him to the Doctor pronto. His problem is really very curable, and is, in all likelihood, just a case of low T.*


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## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

My husband is what you described. I have tried him to eat better, I make his lunches for work. I make dinner and always have fresh vegetables. I told him in the past that he needs to eat better.

He is tired all the time and sore. I will take your suggestion. Thank you
I feel empty inside. I want him to try something else if something doesn't work but he doesn't. He will try vitamins or drink protein shakes I make for him but getting him to the doctor for this issue is going to be hard.


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## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

I'm calling the doctor and making a appointment.
Thanks


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## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

Husband agreed to testing but not to testosterone if low


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> You might want to talk to your H and tell him that you love him and want to spend a lot more years together with him. As such you want him to talk to a really good doctor about his diabetes not just his T level.


very, very good advice. I'm pretty sure that this is what kept our communication lines open, him knowing I was concerned about him not just sex.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Safari girl said:


> Husband agreed to testing but not to testosterone if low


Why not? Did he say?


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

:


staarz21 said:


> Why not? Did he say?


She said it made him agressive before. I wonder if it brought him up just enough to give him motivation to do something but not enough to cure the grumpiness. Grumpy + Energy and Motivation= Agressive. Without the energy he is just grumpy and depressed with no will to do anything about it. Just my ponderings.


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## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

Cancer and ball sack shrinkage is why he's afaid of testosterone.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Safari girl said:


> Cancer .....is why he's afaid of testosterone.


That is a reasonable worry, that he should talk to a knowledgable doctor about. Usually it is not a concern except for certain types (not all) of prostate cancer or male breast cancer. If he has either of those, then that would be a reason to consider not taking T.



Safari girl said:


> ......ball sack shrinkage is why he's afaid of testosterone.


That is something that will likely happen, but how many people get to see his ball sack each week? Or is it a male ego thing? Is his male ego more important to him, than his implied obligations to you his wife? I can understand a young man not wanting to probably not be able to father anymore children, but there are sperm banks, so it really comes down to a quality of life versus male ego thing.

Good luck to you.

P.S. There are a lot of lawsuits regarding strokes and heart dissease associated with topical low dosage (1%) testosterone creams based on some questionable medical studies. Most of the subjects were in pathetic physical shape in the first major study. Like they could not walk up a flight of stairs or walk a block. 

In a second recent study of veterans, the subjects were split into a study group and a control group based on ED, with no tests of testosterone levels and then the study group was given testosterone topical cream. What is interesting about that is if you have ever heard the Viagra commercial (ED medication) it very clearly states that you need to ask your doctor first, "if your heart is healthy enough for sex....." That means that many with ED who would like to take Viagra have serious heart disease all ready and "sudden increases in exercise, including sex could be leathal." Well HTR with T will cause you to have more energy and build muscle, which may encourage you to start exercising and fatally overdue it.

Again, a good discussion with a doctor who is knowledgable on T and hormone replacement treatment for men as well as diabetes is key. Good luck.


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## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

His doctor is on vacation this week but I told them I want a lab slip to be sent when he comes back. Once I get the results and if it's low I will talk to him or have the doctor talk to him about his options to increase his levels.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I will say it again, Since he has diabetes, he should get a complete blood work-up: Liver functions, lipoprotein panel, basic metabolic panel, etc. not just T.


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## Safari girl (Jan 16, 2015)

He is getting a complete blood work up. I talked to the nurse and she is sending in the mail tomorrow.


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