# Working Together - Literally



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Greetings Gang,

My wife and I were likely careening toward a bad ending when I lost my job in November of 2009.

For those of you that don't know, neither of us is on our first marriage. We've got six kids between us. We had been friends for over 10 years when we started to date. If you want to know more about our beginnings, go to the "Man Up" sticky and check the first link on "fitness testing".

The long and the short of this is that kids have dreams and dreams cost money. Being a step-parent is a sometimes thankless task, but if kids wish to be student ambassadors and the like, the resources have to come from somewhere.

No divorced man has a pile of disposable assets sitting around. So, you have to figure out how to handle debt and create alternative revenue streams. And, that's what this thread is about. My wife is very realistic about money. She hates to waste it, but considers investing in the kids just that - investing.

You can see the planets lining up for some serious resentment in this situation. Student ambassadors in Europe while the "strange man known as their stepfather" works 345 days a year without a vacation.

Yet, as the life coaches are so fond of telling us, there is often a "3rd way". And, that "3rd way" does not include telling your wife to get a job. We both believe - to our toes - that children need access to their parents when they are ready to dump their feelings. This helps them grow.

We ended up taking the severance from my job (they paid me 5 figures to stick around when the State rule eliminated my job) and invested it in a home business. My wife now makes soy candles, bath-n-body products, and is branching into jewelry. You can now find us at craft shows in the midwest selling our stuff. It's not unusual for us to pull down $1500 in sales on a weekend. I've also taken some of our inventory to various contract jobs I've done and - once again - people simply love the stuff. I've actually sold nearly $400 worth of our merchandise to co-workers on a single day.

We've now re-modeled a portion of our basement to facilitate production. And customers come to our house and call to ask where we will be next. We have products in more than 10 retail locations in and around our town and I'm the public face of the company - facilitating delivery, etc.

What this does - and think about this - it allows us to interact in a TOTALLY different way. No relationship baggage from prior partners. We get to see each other really dig down and come through for the other one.

It's not an overstatement to say that this business was the slender reed of hope in our new beginning.

Something to consider for others.

Make the past the past - by creating a successful future - together.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

My husband and I worked side-by-side during our military career a couple of times.

And, once we retired, I hired him (I was the HR) and ended up offering him more pay than I was getting paid myself!

Working together was never an issue for us and caused no additional or new problems in our relationship.

Now, living together...that has it's challenges!


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

I would advise not working together. See where it got me! Too much time together is a bad thing IMHO...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MisterNiceGuy said:


> I would advise not working together. See where it got me! Too much time together is a bad thing IMHO...


MNG,

I would imagine doing it in a first marriage is quite a bit different than with a new partner.

We get to show each other things we saw when we weren't encumbered with relationship issues.

It helps a great deal.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I knew there was a reason we see eye-to-eye, Conrad. Like you, Dear Hubby and I are not on our first marriages (both of us had our exes cheat on us), and like you we have seven children between us...of which I've raised five! And like you two, we work together out of the home because we believe in raising our children and being there when they need us. Obviously we work together on Affaircare but that is a work of love we do in addition to our "day jobs". We both work online, using the internet to it's fullest capacities, and we have found that we spend all kinds of time together and have compatible skills and interests...and a lot of that discovery is due to working together. 

Is it for everyone? Nope probably not. But I do think it really cements a relationship to have home and kids in common, and work from home in common.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

My SO and I were thinking of starting a business together once we finish professional school. I have mixed feelings about it; on the one hand, I absolutely LOVE spending time with him, and I think we'd contribute in different ways (he's incredibly smart when it comes to financial planning and management, and I'm great with networking, schmoozing, client service, and the like). However, we disagree about business-related things on many levels and I wonder if we'd ever get anything done/decided on if we spent the whole work day arguing!

I doubt it will matter... The way it's starting to look for our future profession, it makes virtually no sense to invest time and capital into a small business. We'll probably end up at the same large-scale company, working in the same building but not on the same projects. Then when we have negative emotions, we can both direct them at our bosses instead of at each other--how healthy is that! 

Anyway, I TOTALLY AGREE 100% about investing in your kids! My parents invested in me, and I'm at a great college, met a great boyfriend, am happy with my life, have great career prospects, and am eternally grateful for their support. I'm much more likely to put them up in a fancy shmancy nursing home than if they had kicked me out on the street when I was 18  But in all seriousness, investing in your kids' education is probably one of the BEST things you can do for them... Yes, I'm biased since I'm reaping the benefits right this second (and am witnessing the just downright tragic debt that many of my friends are in)...But in the long term, it makes sense to fully raise your kids and ensure a bright future for them--and for your grandkids.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Greetings Gang,
> 
> My wife and I were likely careening toward a bad ending when I lost my job in November of 2009.
> 
> ...


I'm not answering because it's more than 15 words.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

MisterNiceGuy said:


> I would advise not working together. See where it got me! Too much time together is a bad thing IMHO...


It didn't work so well for me and hubby either. But then I'm dealing with a sociopath, and that could have been the primary reason the arrangement didn't work. Glad your new business is going so well though. That says a lot in our tough economy.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband always says it is great for a couple to work together, because they have more time to spend with each other. 

When we go to the market, he will always point out to the couples who work together, he says it is great for them. 

Some people disagree, some people agree, just depends on people. 

My husband and I spend a lot of time together, we get along very well. We teach at a school together, he teaches my students, too. We are a very good team.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

AFEH said:


> I'm not answering because it's more than 15 words.


Your silence is greatly appreciated.


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