# Dealing with marriage with overseas husband!



## kismet1791 (Aug 29, 2008)

My husband and I had always been close....after we got married, I had severe troubles with my back and ended up having 3 back surgeries last year, as well as neck surgery 
June of this year.....needless to say we went from a 2 income family down to 1 income.....due to our debts, after him retiring, he took a job overseas which we both agreed on in order to pay off all this debt. He has been gone since Feb of this year......things were ok at first, then he began drinking quite a bit and calling me, bringing up past issues.....we kind of both have trust issues due to us both being cheated on by previous spouses.....there are times, he still gives me fits about this. We used to be all romantic and loving and such.......now it has gotten to where we don't talk as much, he tells me he is buying phone card, that was why the money was taken out of account but yet the phone cuts off and he doesn't call back - which leads me to believe he got the money to drink (mind you he was drunk when he called)....his computer has been down for over a week now and it would seem to me that would be a priority so we could talk online a bit more. We argue more than on his weekends.....during his work week, things are fine. I am sick of it, I have tried talking to him, with nothing working.......he takes the heat off him and puts it on me......I admit, I have troubles with trust as well and at times give him hell. We don't fight unless he has been drinking. What do I do......I love him, but I am sick of the arguing.:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Are you in a position to move out there with him?

draconis


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## TheLuckiest08 (Jun 2, 2008)

It sounds like one of you might need to move. He is obviously not happy there being alone. Do whatever you can to make it work.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

kismet1791 said:


> We don't fight unless he has been drinking. What do I do......I love him, but I am sick of the arguing.:scratchhead:


Never argue with a drunk person. I know its hard not to because they come at you with all these heated emotions and accusations, but really its just emotionally exhausting for you and nothing gets accomplished. My opinion- if he calls you drunk tell him you love him and you'd love to talk when he's sober and hang up.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> Never argue with a drunk person. I know its hard not to because they come at you with all these heated emotions and accusations, but really its just emotionally exhausting for you and nothing gets accomplished.
> 
> :iagree:with the above. its not worth it and you only end up hurting more.
> 
> its sounds like hes quite stressed. moving away isnt an easy answer to have to find work. my hubby and i have had to think about those options to.


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

If you don't mind me asking, where is he working overseas? I have spent a lot of time working contracts overseas and nurturing my relationship over the distance was something that both me and me wife had to learn to do. Some places it was easy and others it was hard.


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## kismet1791 (Aug 29, 2008)

draconis said:


> Are you in a position to move out there with him?
> 
> draconis


no we can't move out there with him


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## kismet1791 (Aug 29, 2008)

Savetherock said:


> If you don't mind me asking, where is he working overseas? I have spent a lot of time working contracts overseas and nurturing my relationship over the distance was something that both me and me wife had to learn to do. Some places it was easy and others it was hard.


he is in qatar........just signed for another year.......we agreed on this to better ourselves financially, but our marriage is falling apart every day......he blames me for him being over there and i also blame myself.....there is alot of hurt that has been caused and instead of talking it out and resolving, we end up fighting again.....it is getting to the point to where i almost don't care.....i do love him, but i can't take the pain anymore.....he keeps throwing it in my face that i have not contributed to the financial part which only makes me feel worse....


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think if you stepped back and gave him time to get that job done you can heal the other problems.

draconis


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