# New Year on My Own



## harri45 (Dec 30, 2010)

My husband walked out on me 4 days ago. We have been having problems but we had two lovely days at Christmas, then he just packed a bag and left. He told me I have not supported him for the past two years. His business fell apart as I gained a significant promotion. I had no wages for two years and all our savings are gone on a business I told him a year ago to let go of. He finally took to his bed for three weeks and would not get up. I feel I have tried more than most and recently have said that I will try to help him in any way I can. Since I have shown him more compassion he has become more distant and has been staying away from home saying I am too late I should have helped him sooner. It is new year tonight I am on my own, lonely and have no idea where he is? What hope is there?


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

There is always hope...I too will be home alone tonight, but rather than being dismal about it, I'm going to welcome the new year, changes are coming and I am going to do my best to make sure they are the best...

My wife may or may not call me tonight, but I will be okay...I will be strong...I'm going to make my own hope!


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

Unless there are some other big issues, I would say your hubby is in a a bad place personally right now, I've been there myself. If I was to guess, he is feeling very defeated by not being able to be the provider as well as not working due to his business failing. He is going to need to get back to working in some form to regain some self worth before anything will likely improve. Hope all turns out well whatever the future provides you. I will be alone myself this year (first in 24 w/o W) not feeling in the mood to celebrate.
Here's hoping for some better times in the year to come to all here..


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

You aren't alone, we're here too.

I've been out but my heart wasn't in and I'm glad to be home.

We have to have hope, that whatever comes will be better than where we are now.


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

Also alone last night, well, had my 10 year old with me, so, what more could I ask for, went out to eat and then waited till midnight and watched all the fireworks on the beach, alone yes, but on the up and up. wife did not cll or text, but then never expected her to, new year, new challenges, new people to be happy with, they are out there, just gotta go and find them.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Yep, waited up hoping to hear the phone ring in the New Year...but I got nothing...A new day, a new year...changes are a coming, whether i wanted them or not...

Baby New year kicked me in the shin!!!


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## harri45 (Dec 30, 2010)

Thank you all for the support. Did not get a call or a text and when I woke this morning thought I was going to die with the pain I felt. I have went for a run and feel a little better. My boys are at home now and going to have dinner together. I do not think I have ever felt as empty as I do now. Have been told he has been seeing someone else. What a way to start a new year!


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## cougarct06512 (Jan 2, 2011)

I spent it alone too, totally in the dark. It was a totaly change from what i thought a few days earlier. She left 5 days ago, and it still feels like day 1.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

It's awful right now and I hate that this hurt, pain and lonliness has to wreck the holidays. But, I'm glad that these disloyal spouses did not call to help us ring in the new year. That's not healthy for us - keeping our distance and learning to move forward on our own will help to heal the hurt. Don't pine away for them anymore. They are not worth our feelings about the new year and they don't deserve any more of that power. stay strong.


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## harri45 (Dec 30, 2010)

Day 6. He came back today for more clothes. Feel I am going to die with the pain. It helps to write this downn knowing that you are feeling the same


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## MataHari (Nov 4, 2010)

Hello everyone, I also spent new year's eve on my own for the first time of my life. I did not want to stay home, so I took the train to town and spent two hours in the public place where there were lots of people, music and dj's, hot wine, fireworks....at midnight when everyone was falling in each other's arms, I felt like my heart would explode....but I stayed strong and told myself it's a new year ahead and it's the opportunity to turn the page. I could see my kids for the week end while H has flown accross the atlantic to be with OW....incredible.....I am going ahead with the divorce procedures....I am finally feeling relieved that I am the only one deciding for my future. I'm going to move on and ensure my kids are happy and above all ensure that next new year's eve will be very different from this one. Hold tight all of you there, in the beginning the hurt and pain are unbearable but with time you realise that those sitting in their fog do not deserve our faith and love....I do not recognise my H anymore....I have told myself that the person I married is no more, I am grieving and looking to move on. I have to be strong for my two young kids.


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## harri45 (Dec 30, 2010)

Hello Mata, your strenghth is inspiring. Your statement that you are now the one deciding your future. I am alone again tonight but my friend has invited me to stay at hers tomorrow night so feel a little lighter, 6 nights on my own over the holidays has been awful. My boys live with me but they are older and independent, I cannot expect them to sit with me, but I am pleased they are old enough to cope. I hope your kids will be fine, with such a strong mum I am sure they will.


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## MataHari (Nov 4, 2010)

Harri, I understand your pain, I have and am still going through it because you cannot just forget 11years of married life and all that you have achieved together just in a matter of two months....however, the hurt runs so deep that you find the strength to get up, hold your head high (specially that I know I have nothing to blame myself for) and take your future in your hands. I understand what it is to just lie in your bed feeling lonely and just staring at the ceiling because you want so much to feel loved, needed, and if it's just a cuddle to sleep...
You said you know there is no one else in her life, maybe all she needs is some time to find out where she is....after her first experience and a second marriage, and raising your boys, maybe all of a sudden she feels that she should have more time for herself to feel independent and to feel re assured that she can also do things on her own - Just try to accept things as they are for now and although your sons are independent, try to spend time altogether for example having dinner altogether instead of each one of your going your own way....at least you will feel supported. Try to find some distractions for now....it's hard I know because your other half is missing....but as long as you do not accept the situation, you cannot move on in your mind....in your case, move on is just being able to do other things that just sitting and missing your wife....hopefully she will be able to differentiate between being with her family and being on her own....as a woman I also like to be alone at times but it's not a situation that makes you happy when you have a husband and children....so let's hope she will soon find out and make her way back to you. Good luck.


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## MataHari (Nov 4, 2010)

Harri, sorry the second part of the post is for ''feelinglost18''. I must have done a wrong quick post on your add.....sorry about that. But I still think that right now you have to learn to accept your situation....it takes time and it's all very new to you. Since he is seeing someone else, he is in a different world, convinced that he is doing the right thing.....if you believe in making your marriage work, you can fight for it but if he is another one ''in his fog'' it may be mission possible at the moment....please be strong and tell yourself that you cannot control him but you can control what you do with your life. Please be strong and take care of yourself so that you are there for your boys.


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