# Joint Vs. Separate Bank Accounts



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Just curious what your opinions are.

My husband and I hold separate accounts. I basically use mine as a check-cashing convenience, and when we pay our bills it is through his bank, (I just give him the cash for my end).

My husband has been (strangely) adament about keeping our accounts separate, and I know he has unfounded fears that I'll use up his credit or spend his money. (I make my own money, which I budget myself. He also has several hundred dollars in cash tucked away in our bedroom that I'd never touch, except in an extreme emergency... Say, the house was burning down. The cash would need to be rescued.  )

All kidding aside, I've kept my finances respectable. I take care of my bills, and I like to treat my husband to dinner out, as he often takes the responsibility to pay more than I do... I like rewarding him for his strong financial reliability. He may see this as me being careless with what I have. He is a VERY frugal person. He won't even allow me to put him on MY account... I found that extremely odd.... 

My relationship-fears and worries are amplified when he refused to add me to his account when I found out I was pregnant, (I felt I needed the security when the baby arrives... As my husband often 'forgets' things, like to put food in the house). I work less hours, and usually have less money on me... Sometimes not at all. He usually has control/possession over our only car. I admit, I could benefit from some management techniques, but I don't feel I'm 'spendy' at all.

Since I am not a thief and make my own money, I worry that he may be hiding things from me. Purchases or a 'paper trail' of some sort, maybe? We've been having some conflict over his 'forgetfulness' and absences for periods of time. I really want to believe my husband is just honestly absent-minded... But sometimes I have to wonder...


Anywho... Just wanted a general idea of how you all view the separate/joint account issue.

ETA: Am I really just "nosy" for wanting to know how much my husband has in checkings/savings, and how much credit card debt we have?? This is his angle at times... Am I overstepping boundaries by simply asking?? My money goes into his account, too... On a few different occassions I've also found out he has cashed checks I didn't know about, and he clearly ommited it for whatever reason, but didn't deny one when I found out... The most recent one, a "student" refund, he claims to know nothing about.

The reason I want to get our finances in order is because we are preparing for to move soon.. either to rent or buy a home, and I'd really like to know where we stand... He often gives me the impression it's none of my business....  A few weeks ago I found out he opened another Savings account because he "had" to, to avoid fees... That's what he claimed anyways. He banks through Wells Fargo, if anyone knows about it... I felt hurt that he didn't even tell me about this account...


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Anyone have any thoughts at all about this??? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I am in a not so similar situation, although I am the wife and I keep my money seperate from my husband. Not out of spite, but merely because creating a joint account was a case where we both have many auto withdrawls, and we couldn't really decide who should do a whole bunch of work to switch things over. It wasn't a priority to get done.

That said, all the bills are in his name. I give him half the money every month for the bills. 

He has mentioned more than once to me that he has no idea if I have 20,000 sitting in the bank, or if I'm in the hole, and it bothers him. 

So although it's probably okay to have separate accounts, I agree with you that there should be a full disclosure of the finances in general. What's owed, what's in savings, etc. 

It is your business, although I have to say that I got my feathers ruffled when I was asked to do the same thing. I did kinda feel it was none of my h's business either. 

Mainly because he is a spender when he is bored. Buys things to occupy his time and then they collect dust. 

So this brings up a bigger issue. It takes time to trust your spouse with your hard earned money. It's really hard not to take that personally, but that is what it can come down to. 

You could certainly ask for full disclosure. Say a monthly or quarterly update. If he has nothing to hide, it should not be an issue.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

My wife and I have been together for more than 25 years and have always maintained separate accounts. Savings, IRA, 401K, checking and Credit cards. But there has always been full disclosure. We have signature rights to each other's assets and well as password access. We discuss with each other any major purchases before we move forward and all bills and receipts are kept in a location we consider the "ledger". We can get at any time to see what's due or been purchased. My wife and I have very similar thoughts on how we spend money (Or more correctly don't spend money.) so there is little conflict. In our life time together we have only argued about money once. Separate accounts work well for us but I think full disclosure of the finances is a requirement in a marriage. 

Your problem with your husband goes beyond the checking account. There are trust and/or control issues there.


----------



## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

We have total transparency and total sharing of assets. He is my beneficiary on everything and v.v. We have separate accounts because we have savings and income in two currencies, but we use all the accounts in whatever way makes the most sense financially for us as a couple. I know exactly how much money he makes, how much is in all our accounts, and how much we owe on the one (#$*@) debt that we have, and while the bills are in his name, I'm the one who opens and pays them.

I think your situation is not the ideal, because it makes you feel like he is hiding things from you. 

I have to be honest, I didn't plan it this way, but my husband can't cheat on me. I have access to the phone records, I record every last penny that gets spent, I know exactly where (every penny is accounted for with a receipt), when, how much, and what. He gets paid by the government so his salary is public record, but I also get his paystubs. There is no room for hiding anything. If he wanted to hide anything from me, even so much as to buy two glasses of wine, I would know. He would have to borrow money from someone else to do it. And quite frankly, no one around here has extra money to lend him! 

Like I said, I didn't set out to do this. It is easier to keep track of the finances if one person does all the work, and I volunteered because I like that sort of thing. It takes a lot of stress off his shoulders, since we are pretty low income, knowing that everything is taken care of and we're not going into debt or buying anything we can't afford. 

But the result is that I know everything. And it gives me a sense of security. Not just because I know we are doing okay financially, despite not making much money. But just because I know everything there is to know.

I'm not saying everyone has to do this. Especially if you have plenty of money - then I suppose you can afford to be more relaxed about it and maybe not track everything so closely. 

And yes, I do think that this is one more symptom of your insecure relationship. Like I said on your wandering eyes post, I think there is security missing from your relationship that is coming out in various ways.

I would hold back on purchasing a house with him until you have sorted out ALL the problems in your relationship. There is NO rule that says parents have to be homeowners. Don't rush. Renting won't harm your child, and it's much easier to deal with the fallout if it becomes necessary down the road to part ways.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Each to their own as to whether accounts are shared or not but I would think full disclosure would be a given.

Hubs and I got together young. He was hopeless with money, so I wouldn't join accounts until I saw some changes happen and helped him with this. I didn't have a credit card at the time because I budgeted well and didn't need/want one. I suggested we put his credit card in the freezer just so that he could realize how much he relied on it - compared to waiting to have the cash before spending/ and learn about budgeting. 

We combine everything. Ours is ours. 

I don't know how I'd be if I met someone later in life but I'd at least want transparency. And especially if I was having a child with them. Even with separate accounts, you still need to plan together.


----------



## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

With finances, different things work for different people and you need to do what works for you. 'Works' of course means helps you stay out of debt and save enough for the future.

Hiding money from each other is strange for me but having separate checking accounts I think is a good idea because people have different habits and I think that separating it gives each some autonomy to do different things without it always causing a fight. Of course separate accounts does not solve problems if you have fundamental differences with finance (e.g. big spender vs saver). With separate accounts, you can be accountable to each other in keeping within limits and achieving your target savings but you are less likely to fight about a starbucks coffee here or there or not always keeping totally current with balancing the checkbook, etc.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

We have separate accounts. I have had my account since I was 15 when i started working. I was single for so long, I didn't see the need in merging the accounts and I loooove my credit union too much to give it up.

Hubs wants to go to a bank. My bank is far away now that we've moved so I do everything online or at ATMs. He doesn't like that. 

Our bills are split so they are comparable to our income, percentage wise. It works out nicely.

We've never fought about money or had any issues with it. If one of us needs more, the other helps out if we can. It's never been a problem.


----------



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Why not just say "it makes me feel insecure when ..." just like you said in your post and ask for some flexibility on his end. 

In fact, like I always do, print out your post and hand it to him.

That pretty well lays it out. 

Ask for his thoughts. 

What you are hoping for is he says he didnt realize it made you feel that way and offers to compromise


----------



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Believe me: Separate accounts = happy financial relationship. The same way women complain about their men and money is the same way men complain about never letting her know how much is available for her to play with. 
However, if you find a woman who is good with money KEEP HER!! LOL


----------



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

We have separate accounts and a joint account. All the bills are set to draw or be paid out of the joint account. We take our paychecks put them in the joint account each pay period and whatever is left over we each take 50% and transfer to our own account. Of course there's never anything left over so our separate accounts sit empty much of the time


----------



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

We have an agreed upon amount that must go into our joint account out of every paycheck. The rest goes into our individual.
Works well..


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

We have separate accounts because I am not good with money.

Husband and wife should have full disclosure when it comes to finances....I know all my husband's account balances and debts, as well as what he makes.

We share money freely, despite the fact that my husband will always make double what I do.


----------



## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

It sounds like you two don't file married joint taxes?
If you did, you would be privy to the accounts and amounts in a way (the interest they earn).

Your H's secrecy about it IS odd. Real odd.
It is one thing to keep things separate but an altogether different thing to hide facts about them.


----------



## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

It all about what works for the two of you. My wife and I have always had seperate accounts because she's bad with money. At one point she had two accounts closed and was unable to open another account or be put on my account. Now she finally has an account that I opened up and she uses just for her. We both can look at each others acount but her money goes into her account and she pays her bills (her car payment and student loans), where my money goes iinto my account and pays for our bills and other stuff.


----------

