# "Real Men" a myth ?



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am speaking to you as a father of four daughters, and a husband, I took my daughters to girl scouts, have had many of tea parties with them, and watches hours of “The Notebook” with them. I am sensitive, kind and heart warming, I am open minded and I am all for breaking the glass ceiling and woman rights. But at no time have I lost my masculinity, at no time did I become an emasculated ken doll, and yet I look around me (and by that I mean some of these post from men) and I ask myself when did we stop being real men….when was it okay for the bashing of heterosexual men to commence. And the reason why I ask is because i truly question these men who seem to live emasculated lives in the face of their wives sleeping with other men…..what happen to being a real man, what happen to the strong silent guy that you could count on, who had principles that never waved, that would never think of sleeping with their buddies wives, that would never think to hit a woman, let alone a child, who was not subjected to addictions, and tried to do the right thing. I get it, no one is perfect including me…especially me….but at the end of the day I know my wife and girls know they can count on me and that I love them….and I never sleep on the couch….maybe the dog house but never the couch ;-)
Have we been living an illusion …do real men not exist expect in movies/TV and books?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

For me, a real man is defined by his character and integrity. I married one. He would not tolerate bad behavior from me. Cheating? Never. Real men exist. They are fewer because the gender culture war recently fought has lead everyone to be a bit confused. Mom's raise their sons to be pansies. But a non-pansie is not a chest thumper but a person of self discipline, character and integrity. I was lucky enough to call such a man "Dad". I am now lucky enough to call one "husband".


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

There are plenty of real men around, I am surrounded by them, my partner, my dad, brothers, friends, friends husbands etc.

My brothers were raised by my mum who was in essence a single mum and they grew up to be wonderful men. 

The interesting thing is that the weakest man I know is my ex, he was raised by an overbearing, controlling father. Ex is a good man but he is too soft and not what I would call a man's man.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I think the idea of "real men" may be outdated. The same characteristics are desirable in both genders: Honor, courage, compassion, knowledge, helpfulness. 

I'm having trouble identifying a trait that I think is desirable in men but not in women.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Xenote said:


> Have we been living an illusion …do real men not exist expect in movies/TV and books?



I'm not saying this because I don't think we shouldn't all be the absolute best people we can possibly be. -I do.

But the expression, "Real men" is an example of what is called the, "No True Scotsman" fallacy in formal logic. 

The word, "Real" is used to exclude anything that does not fall within a predetermined range set by an anonymous authority. 

For example:

Real Americans eat meat. 
Real Artists don't use a computer.
Real Women know their place
Real Men don't eat quiche
Real Musicians don't need sheet music​
I would say to be the best man you can possibly be and don't let other people try to define you with semantic legerdemain.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I am what I am and that's a real man......said Popeye the sailor man


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Lila said:


> In order to answer the question we must first define " real men".
> 
> I think men with strong morals, values, ethics and convictions exist in asa much quantity as they did "back in the day ". The difference today is that traditional gender roles can no longer be used to define "real men". The definition is based solely oncharacter attributes.


I agree with this part I underlined and would like to add that the OP is correct. There really are no real "men".


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

A real man? 

Sounds to me, you are thinking of a perfect man in your little fantasy that would marry your daughters. Like the Disney tales of Prince Charming, that is perfect. 
Hate to be the first one to break it to you: but Prince Charming doesn't exist. 

Now, as to your question, what defines a real man? 
A real man is very difficult to define. 
But I notice you brought up the strong and silent type. 
They exist. You just don't see them. Because they are silent. They don't go parading themselves around saying "Look at how much of a man I am." 

IF you want to use what Hollywood and TV tells us a real man is, I would imagine a mix between Don Draper, John Wayne, and Tony Soprano. 
Rich and powerful like Tony. Drinks like Don and is highly esteemed in his field. Silent and strong like John. 

I don't think Hollywood has created that character yet...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I've known a few. You haven't described one of them. And no, I don't consider myself to be a real man. I could only wish that were true.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

"Real" men exist all over. I think some have a gender crisis.

It's subjective, really. The term "real" in this case is used as parameters. Depending on who you ask, those parameters will mean something different to the one being asked... I'd imagine that there are a handful of traits/characteristcs in which most men/women would define equally in response. Some of which you listed.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Rant incoming:

The minute you allow anything else to define what a man is besides the man himself, the 'real man' illusion crumbles. A real man has character and judges himself.

So you watched the notebook and are sensitive. Big whoopty doo... I was probably learning sign language because my daughter was deaf or dealing with my son's molestation or my wife's adultery while you were painting your nails. So to say I'm emasculated because I couldn't take the tearing apart of my family on top of all of it and choose to work with a unremorseful WW just to keep my family together makes me 'emasculated'? 

What are you going to do when your daughter becomes a drug addict and stops listening to reason? Kick her out? Let her drain you dry for all the failed rehabs? When did fighting against the odds and continuing to hop back up after getting knocked down become a 'unmasculine' trait and cutting bait became 'real manly stuff of legend and lore'? 

Oh... that's right. It's when you, who hasn't faced real tragedy, judges those who have and discovers superman is just a comic book character. Real men get tested, face horrible stuff, and just f'n deal with it and the scars inflicted instead of judging others on their swagger..... Want to compare scars?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Xenote said:


> I am speaking to you as a father of four daughters, and a husband, I took my daughters to girl scouts, have had many of tea parties with them, and watches hours of “The Notebook” with them. I am sensitive, kind and heart warming, I am open minded and I am all for breaking the glass ceiling and woman rights. But at no time have I lost my masculinity, at no time did I become an emasculated ken doll, and yet I look around me (and by that I mean some of these post from men) and I ask myself when did we stop being real men….when was it okay for the bashing of heterosexual men to commence. And the reason why I ask is because i truly question these men who seem to live emasculated lives in the face of their wives sleeping with other men…..what happen to being a real man, what happen to the strong silent guy that you could count on, who had principles that never waved, that would never think of sleeping with their buddies wives, that would never think to hit a woman, let alone a child, who was not subjected to addictions, and tried to do the right thing. I get it, no one is perfect including me…especially me….but at the end of the day I know my wife and girls know they can count on me and that I love them….and I never sleep on the couch….maybe the dog house but never the couch ;-)
> Have we been living an illusion …do real men not exist expect in movies/TV and books?


As you wrote, nobody's perfect, but I'm pretty much what you just described, but apparently that bored my x wife, so she moved on. It seems like a lot of women these days like a little drama.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Have to agree with Racer. It sounds to me like you like kicking guys when they're down. Not what I'd consider a "manly" trait.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

southbound said:


> As you wrote, nobody's perfect, but I'm pretty much what you just described, but apparently that bored my x wife, so she moved on. * It seems like a lot of women these days like a little drama.*




Or a pet and life partner that fits in their version of how things should be.

To the OP real men are increasing hard to find. Can't argue that a bit with you. But they do still exist and plenty of good women still want them. I hope that is always true.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

This isn't a gender problem. Too many men and women let fear of being alone compromise their principles. Life is scary and they're afraid to take the brunt of it. In men it shows up as Xenote sees. He's looking at young men and wondering how many are worthy for his daughters so I understand the frustration.

Many young men were never taught how to be a man? That's crazy that dads around the globe think their boys will just figure it out without input. It starts with parenting. Baby boomers and GenX parents have done a p!ss poor job is preparing kids so they're ready for life where they are accountable, responsible, and capable.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

im not sure what your talking about OP. im a man, its not like i can be anything else.

what makes me "real"? the fact that im an infantryman? the fact that i have spent hours watching "My Little Pony" with my daughter? the fact that i have forgiven infidelity? is it that i like to cook and im good at it?

i couldnt care less what some arbitrary definition of what a "real man" is. im just going to be happy being me.


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## BaxJanson (Apr 4, 2013)

Look at the traits commonly associated with masculinity. Patience, stalwartness, endurance, strength, fortitude, courage, self-sacrificing, loyalty, and balance come to mind. One thing I note they all have in common is an element of hardship. Of opposition and conflict. Patience is no virtue if you never need to wait for anything. Today, challenge is frequently avoided, misery is sidestepped, and pain is eased. So these traits rarely have opportunity to be discovered, much less exercised.

Now, to that, add a healthy dose of shame. Children, for the last generation at least, have been taught co-operation, co-existance. Harmony and tolerance. All good traits, and essential to society - but at a cost to competition, drive, self-improvement. The violence and fire which dwell within men is taught to be a horror. And it can be. And now boys are being taught to be men by men who have always been afraid of it, rather than mastering it. Hey, self-mastery is hard. 

There are no frontiers to tame, no great wars to be fought. The last dragon is slain, and science has locked its opportunities behind gilded walls. The only battles really worth waging these days are still in their infancy, and once grown, they will be complex things against nebulous opponents. Against a society which rightly fears and distrusts the masculine impulse. Not men, but the drive of men. I think it'll still be there to blaze back up once it's truly needed, though. Out of shape and rusty, but there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Xenote said:


> I am speaking to you as a father of four daughters, and a husband, I took my daughters to girl scouts, have had many of tea parties with them, and watches hours of “The Notebook” with them. I am sensitive, kind and heart warming, I am open minded and I am all for breaking the glass ceiling and woman rights. But at no time have I lost my masculinity, at no time did I become an emasculated ken doll, and yet I look around me (and by that I mean some of these post from men) and I ask myself when did we stop being real men….when was it okay for the bashing of heterosexual men to commence. And the reason why I ask is because i truly question these men who seem to live emasculated lives in the face of their wives sleeping with other men…..what happen to being a real man, what happen to the strong silent guy that you could count on, who had principles that never waved, that would never think of sleeping with their buddies wives, that would never think to hit a woman, let alone a child, who was not subjected to addictions, and tried to do the right thing. I get it, no one is perfect including me…especially me….but at the end of the day I know my wife and girls know they can count on me and that I love them….and I never sleep on the couch….maybe the dog house but never the couch ;-)
> Have we been living an illusion …do real men not exist expect in movies/TV and books?


It's a fantasy that all men in the past were this thing you call 'real men'. The fact is that there have always been men around who hit women, who sleep with their buddies wives and any other woman they can talk into it, and men who steal, and lie, and murder and even ones whose wives cheated.

You come to a place like TAM that has a very small % of the people who live in this earth and use a few posts here to imply that there are no 'real men' any more... well except yourself of course.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I am married to one. He is proud of his MALENESS, makes no excuses for it and I love that about him.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Good grief I hate that "real men" mantra. It's a load of crap. Right along with "real women have curves", "big boys don't cry", and "little girls love pink". 

A "real man" is a man. A man doing, or not doing, any particular thing doesn't suddenly nullify, or affirm, the state of being a man.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Real man, smart ones anyways, will not date a married woman........you know......like the Notebook movie you speak of.



Also most won't date women right out of marriage/divorce either.....as it takes time to heal/be ready for next relationship.

Funny how Hollywood can make a love fairytale out of it.....

I think what really separates men from boys is their word. Man is defined by their word and we all know plenty of men out there are completely full of shiiiiit (same for women).


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

It seems to me that everybody has their own definition of what a real man or real woman is. The problem is when you compromise yourself by trying to meet someone elses definition of what constitutes what a real man or woman is.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I don't agree with the concept 'real men' are becoming rare. Back in the day the concept of a 'real man' was someone who was rigid, cold and emotionally unavailable. Not sure men should aspire to that standard. 

Men...and women are evolving as times and needs change. That's a good thing. 

When we look back at the 'good ole days' what makes them so good is we seem to have a way of remembering the good and forgetting the bad.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't agree with the concept 'real men' are becoming rare. Back in the day the concept of a 'real man' was someone who was rigid, cold and emotionally unavailable. Not sure men should aspire to that standard.
> 
> Men...and women are evolving as times and needs change. That's a good thing.
> 
> When we look back at the 'good ole days' what makes them so good is we seem to have a way of remembering the good and forgetting the bad.


I agree 100%

When I look at what men were like past century, I think it's really sad and pathetic. I'm not sure if they deserve the "men" label with the way they treated their wives/loved ones AND children.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

chillymorn said:


> It seems to me that everybody has their own definition of what a real man or real woman is. The problem is when you compromise yourself by trying to meet someone elses definition of what constitutes what a real man or woman is.


Good point. Think if you asked 20 people, especially on here, what a "real man" is you would get 20 different answers with some overlapping points.

I think it would probably be the same for a "real woman"


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Xenote said:


> And the reason why I ask is because i truly question these men who seem to live emasculated lives in the face of their wives sleeping with other men…..what happen to being a real man, what happen to the strong silent guy that you could count on, who had principles that never waved, that would never think of sleeping with their buddies wives, that would never think to hit a woman, let alone a child, who was not subjected to addictions, and tried to do the right thing.


I question them too. But...

I don't think that cheating is a new behavior.

Hitting a child used to be society's primary accepted form of discipline. Now we're told by many that even spanking is unacceptable.

And 30+ years ago - if you were a drunk or you abused your wife - she didn't have a lot of options to get out of the marriage - especially if she would need to support a child or children.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Here’s a REAL man:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yQ9a-hJVy0

He does make a good point through all the joking: sing a sensitive love song, and then deck some dude to defend his lady’s honour (and backside)

I worry that the idea of masculinity has be co-opted by tedious gossips giggling amongst themselves about how being masculine also means being gay, whether closeted or outwardly. Being rugged or masculine, having close male friends, this means that you _obviously_ must be gay for your buddies and are living a lie. If you’re a lumberjack, or an industrial worker, or a biker, anything traditionally associated with being a big, muscular man… gay.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

My post was never directed to anyone in particular, never to be derogatory toward any man or any person for that matter. Each of us has had to endure and address his own obstacles and burdens. The grace in how we approach them and over come them, and sometimes even live with them can be daunting for anyone man. For though we are all different, I believe that everyman is everyman brother, and what man would also not help his help brother when in need. I look upon this community as a community of brothers and sisters with only one goal, to seek out the best relationships they can have with spouse/SO, and with our family and sometimes it is over troubled waters and other times into raging storms where just self survival is a feat unto its self. 
I asked the question because I was a child of the 70’s, an immigrant who looked towards TV to help me understand English and also help me understand the American male, what role he played as a father, as a husband, as a man….i am still trying to understand it…and I am still lost in some ways…..i read some of these post with great sadness and my only desire, my most naturally instinct is to try to help fix it, mainly because I did not heed the advice when given to me so I try to pass it on, pass it forward to my other brothers so that maybe it will work for them. In many ways that is why many of us are here…….we few, we brothers in arms…this line from Shakespeare, does not have to be related to military when we are all in a battle for the success of our families. I tract this post for it caused more ill will then it was intended.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> A real man?
> 
> Sounds to me, you are thinking of a perfect man in your little fantasy that would marry your daughters. Like the Disney tales of Prince Charming, that is perfect.
> Hate to be the first one to break it to you: but Prince Charming doesn't exist.


Don't tell my wife that....she thinks I do.....


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

They're still around. Real Men get endorsement deals.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Role Model:

Anchorman Small Brain - YouTube


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I guess this answers the question of Where In The World Is Carmen SanDeejo. He's crushing on the Brawny dude in Manland.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Xenote said*: My post was never directed to anyone in particular, never to be derogatory toward any man or any person for that matter. Each of us has had to endure and address his own obstacles and burdens. The grace in how we approach them and over come them, and sometimes even live with them can be daunting for anyone man. For though we are all different, I believe that everyman is everyman brother, and what man would also not help his help brother when in need. I look upon this community as a community of brothers and sisters with only one goal, to seek out the best relationships they can have with spouse/SO, and with our family and sometimes it is over troubled waters and other times into raging storms where just self survival is a feat unto its self.
> 
> I asked the question because I was a child of the 70’s, an immigrant who looked towards TV to help me understand English and also help me understand the American male, what role he played as a father, as a husband, as a man….i am still trying to understand it…and I am still lost in some ways…..i read some of these post with great sadness and my only desire, my most naturally instinct is to try to help fix it, mainly because I did not heed the advice when given to me so I try to pass it on, pass it forward to my other brothers so that maybe it will work for them. In many ways that is why many of us are here…….we few, we brothers in arms…this line from Shakespeare, does not have to be related to military when we are all in a battle for the success of our families. I tract this post for it caused more ill will then it was intended.


I liked your opening Post, it did not offend me.. I also very much Like what you say here.. 

I did a thread on "Real Men" once as I was trying to wade through all the Alpha / Beta comparisons on this forum.. just wanted to post something that looked past all that.. reaching to what inspired *me* when I look at men. .. what characteristics catch *my attention* and I say to myself.. "Now there is a REAL MAN"... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...thy-praise-honor-minus-alpha-beta-debate.html

I am one who feels Good role models are dwindling.. .it seems so much today is about "success" - or Living for the moment.. too much entitlement.. but ya know.. not everyone seems to agree with that.. but that's my personal opinion...

I prefer the older fashioned type men who believe in courting a woman, not expecting to jump into bed by the 3rd date, men who still believe in getting married.. feeling it is the best for raising a family...people who believe in Honesty & integrity- even when it makes them LOOK BAD... white lying shouldn't be a way of life.. 

I just asked my husband before he fell asleep.. "Are you a REAL MAN?"... and his answer was this..."I guess it's a matter of opinion"...

That about sums it up... but again.. I liked your post..


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> I think the idea of "real men" may be outdated. The same characteristics are desirable in both genders: Honor, courage, compassion, knowledge, helpfulness.
> 
> I'm having trouble identifying a trait that I think is desirable in men but not in women.


A nice floral scent would be one but generally I agree.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Xenote said:


> and I ask myself when did we stop being real men….when was it okay for the bashing of *heterosexual* men to commence.


Compared to homosexual men? Who, are also 'real men' too by the way.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

There's a lot to be said for having self-respect. The foundation of integrity and self-respect is built daily in our habits, in our thought-patterns and behaviors. From there, how we engage with the world and the way we're able to demonstrate respect to others, emerges. 

I think it's important to know one's limitations, admitting one's own failures, even if just to him/herself and taking that in stride, then adjusting thoughts and actions as needed and aligning them to live more congruently and with greater self-respect. 

A real person is ...real. They're not perfect, they are flawed and real and continually learning.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Real Men by Joe Jackson


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

My hubs acts like this......ooooolala


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## aaroncj (Nov 10, 2011)

OP, Like others, I see myself in much of your description. I also agree that pop culture has been pretty complicit in making it open season on the traditional father and husband roles, creating what has been called the "bumbling father stereotype," 
No more dumb old dad: Changing the bumbling father stereotype - CNN.com.

My role model for manhood and someone I would consider a "real man," was my maternal grandfather. He was hard-working, his word was his bond, he was married 54 years, was devoted to his family, a man of strong morals, committed to his church and his community, respected by his peers, slow to show anger, and humble, though never lacking in confidence. He was not an educated man, but saw to it that his children pursued education. He was not a wealthy man, but he at times worked two jobs to provide for his family. He came to adulthood in the Great Depression and knew what it was like to live without, yet never complained for what he didn't have. He doted on his daughters and granddaughters, but was never feminine. He taught his sons and grandsons enough carpentry and home maintenance skills for them to take care of their own homes. He was the one person in the world whose respect I never wanted to lose. I knew he loved me and my siblings because of the smile that would light his face when we would see him, but the only time I can remember exchanging more than a firm handshake with him was when I kissed his forehead as he lay dying in the hospital.

To me, a "real man" is a man of integrity, authenticity, and humility. To me, a real man was my grandfather. And I try every day to become more like the man he was.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

aaroncj said:


> OP, Like others, I see myself in much of your description. I also agree that pop culture has been pretty complicit in making it open season on the traditional father and husband roles, creating what has been called the "bumbling father stereotype,"
> No more dumb old dad: Changing the bumbling father stereotype - CNN.com.
> 
> My role model for manhood and someone I would consider a "real man," was my maternal grandfather. He was hard-working, his word was his bond, he was married 54 years, was devoted to his family, a man of strong morals, committed to his church and his community, respected by his peers, slow to show anger, and humble, though never lacking in confidence. He was not an educated man, but saw to it that his children pursued education. He was not a wealthy man, but he at times worked two jobs to provide for his family. He came to adulthood in the Great Depression and knew what it was like to live without, yet never complained for what he didn't have. He doted on his daughters and granddaughters, but was never feminine. He taught his sons and grandsons enough carpentry and home maintenance skills for them to take care of their own homes. He was the one person in the world whose respect I never wanted to lose. I knew he loved me and my siblings because of the smile that would light his face when we would see him, but the only time I can remember exchanging more than a firm handshake with him was when I kissed his forehead as he lay dying in the hospital.
> ...


Beautiful post, this is what it is about [email protected]#$%^ Anytime I meet someone LIKE THIS... it leaves a lasting impression on me.. 

You summed it up so well..when you've been fortunate enough to have these kinds of examples in your life, they can't help but leave a lasting impression on those around them...a legacy even.

Although my own grandfather died when I was just 6 yrs old..(on my Dad's side) my Grandmother spoke so much about him.. and this was how he lived too... 

She was up in years when I was in my teens...but we'd sit on the porch swing and she'd tell me about her life, her adventures, speak of her marriage ...how things used to be...(my Mother wasn't in my life during this time, so my Grandmother was a large influence on me)...

I knew she had my Father late in life.. (in her 40's).. what I didn't realize, or forgot from our talks...(my step Mother reminding me of these things talking about our family's history a couple months back) was:

My Grandfather waited to be with my Grandmother for 15 yrs.. he was so in love with her.. Frankly I think he was a bit nuts for that! My mouth was hanging open.. and I was thinking "What was wrong with [email protected]#"...I think she was one of those independent women back in the day... she loved her job.. she worked at a Pottery ....back then, that was good money for a woman. 

I guess she was content, but he eventually won her over...and the way she talked about their life together.. it was beautiful... Once she married, she stayed home, they had 2 sons.. she was always very Happy...and it was a good life.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> A nice floral scent would be one but generally I agree.


No we smell like a strange but good mix of baking cookies and pine.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

:rofl:
But - I asked what was desirable in men and NOT women - and there I still can't think of anything..... 
I guess its related to the way that a girl in boots, jeans and a cowboy hat can look hot, but a guy in a flowered dress....less so. (though to be clear if guys want to wear flowered dresses, they are welcome to - it beats baggy-pants.)




SpinDaddy said:


> A nice floral scent would be one but generally I agree.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It occurs to me a lot of the characteristics that are consistently being attributed to being a 'real man' are what could be considered being a mature responsible adult.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

maritimeguy said:


> it occurs to me a lot of the characteristics that are consistently being attributed to being a 'real man' are what could be considered being a mature responsible adult.


*Amen!*


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

What happened to "real men"? They got lost because every 5 seconds someone spouts out what a "real man" is and they are all contradictory.

I've become more aware of this but all day long in media and Facebook I'm bombarded with fantsy pants BS about what "Real men" do or shouldn't do or whatever....The very few true role models that I would consider either embody Alpha Males or a balance of Alpha and Beta male are labelled as misogynistic, and then we turn being a doormat into a positive trait.

All while people pile on their traits of "being a real man" into witty catch phrases. Probably very confusing for young people (hell it's confusing for me and I'm in my 30s).

I don't claim to be Buddha or Jesus but I feel pretty strongly that a "real man" is a man that doesn't give a sh*t what other people think a "real man" is, he's himself. That may make him an a$$hole who thinks it's OK to hit a woman in self-defense and never opens the door for anyone, never brushes his teeth, and bangs every chick he sees. It may be a guy who believes in chivalry and would take off his jacket and put it in a mud pile so a woman doesn't get her feet wet, gets a manicure, and is saving himself for his future wife.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Here you go ladies. No, I have no idea what his real life was like. It's just a commercial and it's just for fun for you ladies. 

http://youtu.be/IlRbSMywTQg


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

COguy said:


> What happened to "real men"? They got lost because every 5 seconds someone spouts out what a "real man" is and they are all contradictory.
> 
> I've become more aware of this but all day long in media and Facebook I'm bombarded with fantsy pants BS about what "Real men" do or shouldn't do or whatever....The very few true role models that I would consider either embody Alpha Males or a balance of Alpha and Beta male are labelled as misogynistic, and then we turn being a doormat into a positive trait.
> 
> ...


[/thread]


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

here is a real man for ya:
(hint, its the guy with a missing leg)









the guy literally _*elected*_ to have his leg amputated when he realized that it would never heal properly. he wanted to keep serving and he couldn't with a bum leg, so he got rid of it. talk about dedication!

and yes, he is still serving.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Did he make his own black powder for that musket he killed that turkey with? Did he knap the flint for the proper flash in the pan? Did he smelt his own iron and hammer it into a barrel? Did he cut down the curly sugar maple that the stock was made from? Did he saw plane, scrape, sand, carve and finish the wood for the stock?

 

I guess we can all go farther and farther with out definition. Where does it end, when the last man is dead and the earth is full of women fighting for rights?



Oooooh yeeeeaaah Mines bigger than yours. It is. TAM strikes again.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I just had some lovely caramel greek yogurt.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Deejo said:


> I just had some lovely caramel greek yogurt.


I just ate some nails and washed them down with hot grease from a deep fryer. Then I had some a glass of scotch and of course ate the glass it was in too.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> I just ate some nails and washed them down with hot grease from a deep fryer. Then I had some a glass of scotch and of course ate the glass it was in too.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

and the passive aggressive side of TAM

It's amazing anyone gets any help. 

Either folks are trying to one up the last poster or trying to run them in the ground. What a shame. 

That's how real men do it folks.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> and the passive aggressive side of TAM
> 
> It's amazing anyone gets any help.
> 
> ...


Smile 2ntnuf. You're giving us too much credit. It's just cheesy humor on a Friday night.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Whatever you say...


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> Did he make his own black powder for that musket he killed that turkey with? Did he knap the flint for the proper flash in the pan? Did he smelt his own iron and hammer it into a barrel? Did he cut down the curly sugar maple that the stock was made from? Did he saw plane, scrape, sand, carve and finish the wood for the stock?


no to all of the above. he already had a rifle. 
he was my first CO, back before i went to the 82nd. even after two and a half dozen surgeries and a leg that wouldnt work from the knee down, he could still outrun me, and im a pretty fast runner. 
the guy just doesnt give up. and he cares far more about his soldiers than himself.

one of the greatest men i have ever met. he is a freaking legend.

later on he got promoted to Major:










> General Martin Dempsey (Left), chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, congratulates Maj. Kent Solheim, Charlie Company, 4th Battalion, 3rd Special Forces Group Company commander, on his team's recent mission at Camp Morehead, Afghanistan, April 23. Solheim was injured July 27, 2007 in Karbala, Iraq, while conducting a raid to capture an insurgent commander. During the firefight that ensued, Solheim was shot four times. Solheim did not initially lose his leg. It was only after he lost function of his lower left leg that doctor’s felt there was a slim chance of making a full recovery. Solheim eventually elected to amputate his leg below the knee. Solheim was motivated by others he knew who continued to serve on active duty with a prosthetic. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Clay Weis/Not Released)


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

aaroncj said:


> To me, a "real man" is a man of integrity, authenticity, and humility.


I agree. I would add that a real man does not take things personally, but seeks to understand and heal.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Xenote said:


> Have we been living an illusion …do real men not exist expect in movies/TV and books?


Yep, it is a commercial construction, used to sell things and to get people to do things they would not do otherwise.

The 'Real Men' idea that could give you trouble if you know how the evade the above is the Bad Boy concept women like to think of as a real man. 

Not too optimistic of a view I am afraid.

A real man does not care what others think of it.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Now that we know that "real men" exist, what is a "real woman"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Don't forget , the women that slept around on him is not a "real women " , either. She is weak , selfish , egotistical . 
"Real" women are around in about the same proportion or less if anything if what you read round here is anything to go by.
ps , by that l only mean going on some of the wife stories by separated or and ,now divorced guys


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> Now that we know that "real men" exist, what is a "real woman"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly . To fk with this real man bs around these days by nothing women thinking they're sitting on throwns . 
What do they have to offer me is what l'm interested in. l'm not jumping through hoops for someone that won't do the same and more .


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I have a cat, that should immediately rob me of my manhood right? Pffft

I also have an awesome daughter who although has made me abit worried about developing a loose wrist from all the girly shat she got me involved in but pffft!

It's not like anyone here within reach would dare say anything to my face or behind my back especially when they know my reputation lol


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

As'laDain said:


> *Now that we know that "real men" exist, what is a "real woman"?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A man should start a thread on this.. It would be interesting to read the replies..as in this... I'm sure the opinions will vary also from man to man...just as these do.. 

I have my own ideas of what men *want* in a woman - my thread below captures that..not that all men would agree with me ..haven't got much feedback to really know.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Haha , my real women is in the "tables have turned thread " , unfortunately she's happily married though :lol:


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## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

Being a Dad is manly, helping your wife run the house is manly, rubbing your wife's feet and watching a RomCom with her is manly. It's all about being a decent person and spouse.

Beating women, verbally abusing women and children are not manly. Drinking at a bar while you ignore your responsibilities is not manly.

There's nothing wrong with doing dishes, cooking dinner, or having a tea party with your daughter, women love that ****, and Dad's and husbands should like doing it.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

whitehawk said:


> Haha , my real women is in the "tables have turned thread " , unfortunately she's happily married though :lol:


my ideal woman is my wife. someone who has been through hell and back and still managed to come out as a normal decent human being. most of tam would have screamed for our divorce when we first married. but we made it. 

my ideal woman knows what hard times are like, so she appreciates the good times.
she has learned to second guess her emotions when her emotions tell her to blame someone. 

my ideal woman is beautiful because she chooses to be. 
i wouldnt have it any other way.


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