# Need other opinions, husband hates best friend considering divorce



## SI28 (Oct 21, 2011)

My husband and I are at a stand still because we cannot seem to agree on who is right or wrong. I have had my best friend for 10 or more years now. She was my best friend before I got with my husband and which her and her boyfriend are still friends with my ex, all four of us were very good friends. Which defiantly is a problem but what am I supposed to do about that? I just avoid situations that involve him. I have been with my husband for close to 5 years now and we have 2 kids. I'm a stay at home mom and he works. We have had our ups and downs in which she has been very supportive to me over it all and has been very understanding. Of which at one point I went to her about a really big fight between my husband and I and I had told her that I was done couldn't take it anymore and she replied in text message that i should get out of my "nonexistent marriage". Needless to say my husband seen it and went to her about the comment and they had some nasty words shared words. He feels that everyone argues and she should have been more supportive of working it out, rather then supporting me in a divorce. A few weeks later she apologized to him said she knew it was wrong of her to say it and he accepted the apology. But.... he still does not want us to be friends, because I run to her about everything and he is threatening divorce over it. i understand that she upset him but i truly know what kind of person she is and she is a supportive understanding friend. Husband thinks she is a bad influence on me as well because when we get together we always drink together and he feels I need to be more supportive of his work schedule and not stay out till midnight. Also he's still insecure because I cheated on him once with my ex when we first got together five years ago. When i say me and my friend "get together" I mean once a month maybe twice. She works a very busy schedule so its hard. I have to mention this is the 2nd friend that he is trying to take away from me it was about 2 years ago he made me choose him or her when our son was only a month old, but he feels his reasoning is legit, but I don't see how. Needless to say she told me to F off because I was letting him control all the time. This is why I am so upset over the situation becausw he's at it again. We are at our last straw defiantly thinking of divorce more than not lately. Any suggestions?


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

Your friend apologized. That was a classy move. 

Unless she is continuing to undermine your marriage your husband should except the apology and forgive her. 

He is suspect because he already ran off another friend. Dont allow this but...

I believe it is my responsibility to avoid activity within reason that makes my wife feel insecure. I expect the same in return. 

Why not make some effort to improve the situation and let your husband know you care about his feelings. 

1. Ask him to join you after he gets out of work.
2. Do lunch instead of drink with your friend
3. Call him during the fun and let him know you are thinking of him and your friend says hello
4. an invitation from your friend during your fun would be even better

These things are people skills you are not utilizing. With a little effort, wisdom and fine tuning you could actually patch things up between them and stop the fighting at home.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So your friend is still friends with your ex,which you cheated on your husband with, and the friend likes to offer up divorce as advice when you have problems.

I can see where hubby wouldn't want you associating with her, since she is who you turn to whenever there are problems.

Btw, I really don't t think it is in anyway fair to say your husband is insecure about you bring around your ex. You say you cheated on him with this ex. That's not insecure, that is being smart. The cheater should never have contact with the person they cheated with. That's a huge slap in the face to your husband and humiliating.

Your husband must feel like this friend her husband and your ex and cheating partner, are constantly waiting in the wings ready to screw him over and to undermine the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SI28 (Oct 21, 2011)

I must reply The ex is also the father of my 7 year old daughter. Just to complicate things even more....


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

You can delete your duplicate post. 

My wife and I have a former friend that married some turd last year. I was the best man since he had no friends of his onw and my wife was the maid of honor. 

In a year he has managed to alienate her from her entire family and all of her friends and spends all of her paycheck before she gets it while he drinks and abuses her children. 

I hate controlling men destorying their wies relationships. They are suspect at best what the hell their problem is but with your situation its a lot more understandable. 

Your cheating and staying out til midnight drinking with someone that has undermined your husbands marriage instead of adjusting to a more innocent get together like a nondrinking lunch or coffee just pisses me off too but i am trying to be supportive here. 

I would say get realistic and flexible and demand the same in return.


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## SI28 (Oct 21, 2011)

yes i deleted it.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

So your husband is upset that you hang out with a wOman who hangs out with your ex who you cheated on him with AND who told you you should leave him.

Man he's got some nerve!

That was sarcasm, I'm in agreement with your husband.
Your friend is toxic to your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

To be quite blunt, your husband married into a mess.

Your ex is the father of your 7 year old daughter. You cheated on your husband with your ex.

Your friend thinks you should divorce your current husband and get back with your ex? The ex who is still a good friend of your friend.

There's a lack of privacy here. You telling your friend about your marriage problems, who then passes them on to your ex?

I can see why your husband is cautious. Could it be that he's trying to protect the marriage? 

Does your husband know why your previous relationship broke down? Is he trying to prevent the same from happening now?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

btw, the title says "considering divorce". Who's considering divorce?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

aug said:


> btw, the title says "considering divorce". Who's considering divorce?


I would think her husband would be considering divorce.

I know I would be.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

SI28

Personally, I would kick you to the curb. Your married with two children. Your a stay at home mom, while your husband is out working trying to support the family.

Get your act together. He is your husband. You should be commited to him and your children period. Unstead you do not respect his schedule, your out all night having a good time. I would hang you out to try and then hand you a newspaper with the help wanted section open for your review.

Be very careful of your "friend". If she was a good friend and had half a brain in in her head she would be helping you and not trying to undermine your marriage.

Keep in mind if your marriage fails, you fail. Look around at all the single parents out there trying to make it financially work.

Your situation is very petty. It sound like your husband is reasonable. My advise, back off from your friend for a while and work on your relationship with your husband. Once he feels better about the marriage and you, slowly bring your friend back into the picture.

Good friends will always be there for you. Your not married to your friend remember that.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

My wife's friends and family all conspired against me and created a divorce juggernaut that only fell one signature short (mine) of sentencing our kids to live in garden apartments, attend mediocre schools and grow up in broken homes for the rest of their childhood. I'm a saved man so I don't harbor hate in my heart but I don't like or trust any of them, I don't want them around and I don't want to be around them. However, I do pray for them.

I don't believe in threatening divorce and I don't believe in making my wife do or not do anything she doesn't believe in, but I hope I am making clear the level of disapproval I feel for her having anything to do with these people. If she sees them (and she does) then so be it but if I hear about it I'm not going to be happy.


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## SI28 (Oct 21, 2011)

Well thank you everyone for making me realize how horrible of a wife and friend I am. I will just go crawl in a dark hole.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

It all depends what you think your priorities are. And how much effort you want to put in.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

It's not that-

-It's more like which do you value more- a friendship or a marriage?

Now, from what you've told us, it sounds like your husband has a right to be wary of your friend.

Can you see, from his point of view, where she might not be a great influence? Or at least why he may think that?She's still friends with your ex, with whom you've cheated on your husband. She's encouraged you to break up (regardless of if she apologized for it). It doesn't sound like a situation that's condusive to developing better communications with your husband. When you go running to her with what's wrong in your relationship...

...have you ever thought about telling him, in a straight-forward manner instead? 

You don't have to fight over problems. You can work to solve them, if both of you can agree to it.

You shouldn't break up over this... but I can see where he has a point, which appears to be what you were initially asking. I don't think you have to cut your friend out of your life, but I do think you need to work on better communication and maybe developing better boundaries... maybe lay off of the relationship talk when you see your friend... then maybe you can mend your relationship(s). I think what gonefishin said is very valid- work on the two of you, and then maybe you can bring your friend back into the picture.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

tacoma said:


> So your husband is upset that you hang out with a wOman who hangs out with your ex who you cheated on him with AND who told you you should leave him.
> 
> Man he's got some nerve!
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

SI28 said:


> Well thank you everyone for making me realize how horrible of a wife and friend I am. I will just go crawl in a dark hole.


Please. Dump your friend, make up with your husband and start digging yourself out


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Man, how quickly you gloss over sleeping with your ex ...

It sounds like your husband is merely trying to encourage the type of boundaries that would support a strong, solid marriage after realizing that you have none. In many marriages, those that are strong and healthy, the wife is more committed to the husband than her friend and ex, and would never dream of giving her friend the low down on every aspect of her marriage to her husband. Maybe this is your husband's real problem? I mean, outside the infidelity, that is.


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