# Need Advice: Separation, Family & Mental Health



## hjayc (10 mo ago)

My wife and I have been separated for 4 months now.

She doesn't have any close friends. Her family situation is okay at best (up and down relationship with both parents and step parents, sometimes will stop talking to her Mother from time to time throughout the year, occasionally talks to Father (3-4 times a year). She's always had issues with my family.... and her family.
I work with my parents and I say we have a very solid relationship, and I have a pretty good one with my siblings and niece and nephew.

Through years she accused my family (and me) of many things. She said my mother tried to "confront her" days after our child was born at our house. All my mother said was that I would be a great father and I'm good with kids. I was there to hear it. HER mother was there as well the whole time and didn't hear anything confrontational at all and thought she was very supportive. She's said that my cousins have "looked at her with disgust" at family functions. They say that's never happened. My friends have been accused of the same things, and even "stalking" because she saw one of them at the park across the street from our apartment building.
The last straws occurred in the same month when she claimed that my brother suggested to her that my daughter wasn't mine, AND on a family trip that was a memorial for my grandmother she claims my Aunt violently pushed her on her porch during the celebration event. Both times I confronted those family members about her claims and was willing to cut off communication with them if true, and they vehemently denied and were beyond shocked that both instances were even suggested to have happened. They spoke negatively of her to me or to other family. And they still haven't, even after those accusations from her. At this point they're like "something's just not right." On top of that, the day after I moved out she told our child's daycare that my family member (Aunt) "assaulted" her and that my Mother gave my daughter diaper rash, even though she only watched her for 2 hours that week.
Oh, there's also the accusation that my cousin's wife was trying to get me to be with her if her husband "my cousin" ever passed away. All this in the same month. Ridiculous

We went through therapy last summer. The therapist pretty much stated that it seems like she needs to be on a desert island (completely away from everyone) to be at peace. I've known that for years, so I've tried to limit family interactions, but even if she sees them once or twice a year there will still be statements or looks or accusations that will result about them. Before we separated I had a long talk with her mother, who revealed that the family has a history of Bipolar disorder, including her sister, mother (wife's grandmother), and that she may have had some degree of it as well when she was younger. I'm thinking its borderline personality disorder from what I've researched. She suggested my wife may be on the spectrum and that she's discussed it with her father as well. She also stated that she acts completely like her Grandmother, who is diagnosed bipolar.
Early on in the separation she finally said that she needed to go to personal therapy for the trauma from her childhood, and stated that after watching some videos that she believed she has a "victim personality". I've always known this.
We've been on better terms and not arguing the past two months, and i've been coming by once week or so. We share custody. She's asking about me moving back in but I know she's far away from even being ready for me to do so. She still hasn't gone to therapy. And I know that once she's around any family of mine she's going to go back to the same mental space.

Well today was that day. Earlier she says she saw my brother driving on the street adjacent to our apartment building. Now she's claiming he must have been there in the area looking for her, suggesting he's trying to find her whereabouts. He literally lives in the area and works in the area (this occurred around 8am), and his kids go to daycare in the area. I've seen him riding his bike in the area before, heading to work. Nothing shocking. But now i'm getting a million messages about people mistreating her and stalking her and jealous of her and all this stuff, including being upset at me.

I don't know what to think at this point. I love her but do I really have to live on a desert island with someone just to have peace and comfort with them? It feels like this is going to happen every time. Is it time to just move on completely?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

To me it sounds like you have a woman that as time passesw is developing some sort of mental ilness. Whatever it takes she should be evaluate by a Psychiatrist, not by some Psychologist. Right now as things stand I would not be considering getting back with her, but at the same time you need ensure that your child? children? are going to be OK. If it turns that she has some sort of mental disorder, understand that it can only be alleviated, not cured. Right now ensure that you don't get her pregnant. Understand that if she has a mental illness, there are chances that she can pass on those genes to a new child. Be strong.

Good luck


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don’t do it. She hasn’t changed.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

It would appear your wife has a serious mental illness with components of paranoia and/or schizophrenia. My wife developed something like this though she was normal for 30 years. Risperdol was somewhat helpful. Unfortunately, it is hard to reason with people in these situations. Besides divorce, the only possible prospect for continuing would be medication and therapy though that may not be successful.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

You also need to compile some type of dossier dealing with her mental illness and have it available in a potential confrontation. She has already manufactured false allegations, divorces get nasty, and she could easily concoct a story of domestic violence or try to involve you in a confrontation.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

She sounds like a crazy person. It might be time to move on. Couples rarely come back from separations, even when both parties are 100% on board.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She sounds paranoid and that means she lies and makes things up. 
To be honest I fear for your child growing up with her.


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