# Read & Try to understand befor you judge



## Bellmount (Jul 28, 2010)

First let off me say that my spelling is not the best in the world
but i hope you all can understand what im posting.

I have been married for 19yrs to a wonderful loving husband.
About 3yrs after the marrige he started to become real selfish
with sex, the once love making turned into 2sec sex. I spoke to him over and over again about this problem and he said he can't help it and he can't stop himself. For years i have let him have his way because i wanted to be a good wife and not push him away from me because i wont just lay their anymore and pretend im enjoying the few seconds of sex, but after the birth of my daugther in 2001 i coulden't take it any longer, i withheld sex from him altogether. Dose he hate me for it? No. Dose he still want me? Yes he dose. Dose he want to cheat with other women? Yes but he wont because he's scared. He can't even please me let alone another woman. He also Masturbates his brains out.. But he was doing this while we were active .. this was a turn off for me because, I mean what the hell! im sleeping with you and you still need to wack off 5 times a day?
Oh my lord! This story gets better people. Through all this i have been fathful to him. I would masturbate myself just so i woulden't run to another man, But that got old realy quick! Hope this dosen't sound crazy but i started having sexual dreams about a man that i can't even have because he's dead.
The actor jack Webb from the 1950's Dragnet. I belive these dreams happened because he's safe. If that makes any sence anyway dreams of jack touching my every desire only made me want the real thing, so after being a loner housewife and pretending i could do without sex, i met someone
and wanted to have a hit it quit it and forget it. But that turned into a year long thing with the same guy. My friend touches places i forgot i had, in and outta bed. My husband just wants to get off quickly and go back to watching football.
At times i feel awful because i never wanted to cheat on him .. even in my dreams. But at times i wanna move on with my lover
before i get so old i forget what sex is. Someone Please help!


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Nice. And im not being sarcastic.
I mean you can only endure so MUCH!
Well problem is things are out of order a bit. If you're going to leave, get busy with that and If you're not its time to tell hubby that you've had to get this filled outside. I mean you cant hide from it... That will just mess you up. You've gone a long time (year), so you can continue that or just set it all right. 
Doesnt matter what anyone thinks. Do what right for you.

Sorry to all those that think marriage should be preserved at all cost. Price is too high and life is too short.

You're not different from anyone else, you're predicament is unique to you. No-one can judge. However you're here so you're lookign for something. What is it exactly?

I dunno. Ive been reading around here for a while and although the names change and circumstances vary.. themes are small in number. This one is one spouse ignoring the others needs forever as if its of no consequence.. obviously that not true huh?

What else can I say. Happy you are getting to experience some nice "personal interaction" but you probably should clean up that other part of your life right?
Is he going to be mad? At himself i hope.

good luck!!

oh and you've met your match for spelling cause I have the title of worlds worst combo typer and speller.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

OMG just for fun.. There is a group "dada" and a song "Here today, Gone Tomorrow" (haha like marriage) anyway there's a line in the song... "and that's about the time Jack Webb Walked in" hahah sorry WAAAY off topic but when I re read the post made me think of that! 

jack webb...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Have you tried counseling together? Would he go? How many kids do you have at home?


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## Bellmount (Jul 28, 2010)

Yes we tried that and that diden't work. Were so beond that now.
I have tried everything with him, i forgot to mention that he's in the army and deployed at the moment. he was just home weeks ago for his leave and we thought we would try again because after sometime of being away from eachother maybe things mite be differen't .. it wasen't it was the same thing. He was upset i was mad but silent. Its funny tho were just a happy couple to those who don't know us and even our daugther. we hug kiss sleep in the same bed, but we never cross the line because we already know its gonna be a flop. Then on top of all this im dreaming about my lover and what i could be doing instead of laying their next to a man who im starting to feel more & more is a best friend rather than a husband.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I agree; come clean and figure out together what you want to do. He cannot be surprised to find out you've gotten your needs met elsewhere, seriously. 

Vino is right, yours is just a different version of a familiar song. Yes, you are "wrong" to get involved before ending your marriage. Yes, he was "wrong" to let your needs go unmet. But two wrongs do not make a right. Break it off with the lover and take at least a year or two to figure out why you put up with your H and a relationship like this for so long. You can date/have sex in that time, but do not get attached. Learn to take care of yourself, 100% so that you don't ever feel you need to stay with someone in a bad relationship again. 

Good luck, and realize you are not the only one to have been in this position.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

He is lying to say he can't help it. I say lying because you don't tell of any effort to try, plus he keeps masturbating - a dubious and rather hopeless combination. So he first needs to make the decision to stop masturbating, and then make the decision to try and work on the premature ejaculation. This article might help with his problem, and this one is about semen retention, which should also help. But they can only help him if he puts in the effort. If he refuses to stop masturbating, then ask him to at least apply the directions in the articles to his solo sessions and to still do the exercises. While he works on building his stamina, you will have to be very patient.


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## Bellmount (Jul 28, 2010)

thank you to everone who has responded to my delima, Its been a rough 19yrs. To be honest for awhile i was making myself belive that sex wasen't an issue and that we diden't need it, you know the all you need it love crap! I have been extreamly patient with him and we have done councling and tried the stop start method. As far as reading he's not gonna read anything unless its something to do with porn or sports. He's not willing to change because he truly belives that its ok and we'll overcome it by pretending that sex wont matter. This problem has been talked about so much between us that if i try and bring it up he looks at the tv and gets quiet and checks out on me. we were maried at 22 and 21 back in 1991 this all started about 2yrs after and im still with him hoping and wondering if he'll change. But in the mean time i have felt like this has taken its toll on me and how i fel as a woman. I used to love shopping at victoria's seceret buying things for us ya know. But over the years i quit shopping because it all seemed to be wasted money. I look at myself and i feel beautiful and still verry sexual at 40 but, he's quick to take that little bit of pleasure away from me when he looks at me like .. oh well your my wife and it goes with the relaionship.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well, cheating is wrong. But, at the same time, being a selfish lover is also wrong. He is supposed to care about your needs and desires and try to satisfy them, as you are supposed to do for him. It sounds like you kept up your end of the deal, and he totally dropped the ball. I don't agree with cheating, but I can see why you went there. 

From what you say, you've exhausted all avenues of trying to talk to him about this problem, and he just doesn't get it or at least, doesn't respond. I'd say it sounds like you've done all you can to save the marriage and could walk away with a clean conscience if that's what you want to do. 

If it were me, I'd give him one last opportunity. I'd say something like, "I love you, and we've been together 19 yrs. This sex issue is still a major problem for me. I've reached my limit with trying to compromise, because it seems like I'm the only one that gives anything up, you still get everything you want. Here's where I'm at now: either we go to counseling and something changes, or I'm leaving." Yes, it's an ultimatum. No, I don't normally suggest those. But...sometimes it's the only thing that works. And, if he refuses counseling, refuses to change, then walk away. 

My only real caution would be about the man you're cheating (cheated?) with. Keep in mind that sometimes a relationship seems more exciting, more compatible, because of the thrill of the forbidden. And sometimes it seems better simply because, by comparison, it is. But in reality, it may not be any better, or you two may not really be compatible at all. So be prepared that you may end up with neither your husband nor your other guy, not that it would be a bad thing. I'm just saying don't leave your husband with the expectation of being with this other guy.


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