# What's your biggest incompatibility?



## RichieBanks (Jul 4, 2014)

Now one of ours is that I'm much more sexually adventurous.

But, other than sex, our biggest is holidays. I hate Christmas and always have and she loves it. We compromise by her not going too overboard and my trying to pretend I'm OK with it.

I didn't mind Thanksgiving until a few years ago when a couple we know decided we should all four do Thanksgiving together every year.

We're not religious and never had kids so we never did Easter.

When she worked I sent flowers to her school because I knew she'd be uncomfortable being the only teacher without something. Now, for years, I'd have them delivered the day before Valentine's Day so I could save my pride about being forced to comply with a social holiday. And, of course being a writer and creative, I'd always write something that would burn the other teacher's husbands! LOL!


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Now, for years, I'd have them delivered the day before Valentine's Day so I could save my pride about being forced to comply with a social holiday.


So on one hand, you admit that you are sending flowers for your wife's social benefit to make sure she isn't the "odd man out" at work, but on the other - you need to save face to ... "the man" about when they are sent to show how you buck the system.

All holidays are social holidays meaning they are socially constructed, and others connect to religious significance you say you don't follow. So - why Thanksgiving but not Valentine's Day? It seems like it's who gets the benefit.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

SEx..would be nice to bicker about groundhog versus lammas day


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Sex used to be our biggest problem, but now it is our different levels of organization and planning. I'm a planner and uber organized, H never plans anything and seems to be in chaos at all times. I have to work hard at not paying attention to his life because it stresses me out too much. What's funny is he gets annoyed when my scheduling and organization slips a little, coming from somebody with no skills it is very odd.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

"Doing it gets it done."  

I have said this many times in our marriage.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Our biggest incompatibility was he saw drinking as the solution. I saw it as the problem.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Parenting styles. We worked through it though and the kids are grown now. She toned me down some and I got her to be less of a pushover.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> Parenting styles. We worked through it though and the kids are grown now. She toned me down some and I got her to be less of a pushover.


The same here, parenting styles. He is strict, I'm more laid back.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

On top of all my other psychiatric issues I'm probably ever so slightly schizophrenic.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Runs like Dog ... I was just thinking of you last night and wondering how you were doing.

So you are somewhat incompatible with yourself. As am I.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Housework. By a mile. My husband is a neat/clean freak, totally. I'm not. The slightest bit of dust or dirt and he can't handle it. It doesn't really bother me (if it's only a bit, I don't like the house to be dirty either).

Where I will wash the floor, he'll waaaaaassssssshhhhh the floor...lol. I'll drag things around and clean under/around them, but he'll lift everything up and meticulously clean every square inch. If there is a spill, I'll wipe up the spill, thoroughly of course. He'll rewash the entire floor (!)

It's our biggest issue. We're getting there though, both learning to compromise


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Shoes. I don't like anyone walking on my rugs with shoes on. SO has a tendency to forget to remove his size 13s when he comes home!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

We have all hardwood floors, but we still don't wear shoes in the house. It makes keeping the floors clean much easier.


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## Devotee (Sep 22, 2013)

If the holidays is one of your biggest areas of incompatibility I'd say you are doing great. 

I am an introvert, my husband is an extrovert. I joke that I could go blissfully for a month without seeing another person. This is an area of our marriage over the years that has caused us the most strife. But this is just typical of opposites attracting.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Oh, Devotee. I identify with your husband. I would love to do more with friends. But dh gets plenty of interaction at work, so just wants to stay home with the family when he is home. It really can be frustrating.


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## Devotee (Sep 22, 2013)

jld said:


> Oh, Devotee. I identify with your husband. I would love to do more with friends. But dh gets plenty of interaction at work, so just wants to stay home with the family when he is home. It really can be frustrating.


I wish my H was more like your H, feeling only the need for me and the kids more often than not. But I am sure my H would wish for a W more like you, as it does go both ways. 

I do recognize that it is important for him to socialize, even beyond the workplace. We are wired so vastly different when it comes to needing face time with people. We strike a balance. I do hope your H gives in and recognizes your need for wanting adult interaction that includes him. I know thats what my H wants.


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

Im a thinker and hes a doer. I like talking about this on a global scale and he would prefer football and beer. I like resolving issues and he would prefer the 'under a rug swept' style


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

We've only been married 2 years in September, so I'm sure plenty will come, but as of right now, it's probably the fact that he is a lot more immature than me. It can get really annoying. I figured he was more mature than me since I'm 20 and he's 21, but GOSH it's so annoying having to be the mature one most of the time.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Giro flee said:


> What's funny is he gets annoyed when my scheduling and organization slips a little, coming from somebody with no skills it is very odd.


We have the same dynamic, Giro. He gets annoyed with you because he relies on you to keep things running smoothly, since he prefers to wing everything.

My husband missed one of his doctor's appointments this week, and he blamed me for not reminding him about it. Right, it's my fault that you do not bother to create a calendar of your commitments!

OTOH, I do love that he helps calm me when I get stressed about not being able to control everything, and he charms the heck out of me with his boyish spontaneity. Also a wonderful trait in a lover--no sense of time!


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I’m an introvert and my late wife was extrovert and loved the noise of a crowd. She once told me that she thought there was something WRONG with me. As I look back either one of us handled this difference well.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Biggest incompatibility was I never got any input on big decisions in our marriage. Then she'd decide on her own, and when things went about the way I predicted, I felt like I got the load dumped at my feet and told "Clean it up now."


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

What we value. I value people and experiences, he values possessions and money.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Prodigal said:


> Runs like Dog ... I was just thinking of you last night and wondering how you were doing.
> 
> So you are somewhat incompatible with yourself. As am I.


I had to stop running since I broke my ankle and foot a few weeks ago. Should be up and about in about 3 weeks. 

I got another dog (that makes 4, borderline hoarder?)

My wife and I have an ever evolving odd relationship. She doesn't live her full time - only about 2-4 days a week. The rest of the time she has her own place. 

I fired by psychiatrist when she insisted on more office visits. 

One of my tenants tried to set fire to the unit.

I truly am fed up with my job and will probably look for another one.


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## gadzooks (Sep 5, 2012)

RichieBanks said:


> Now one of ours is that I'm much more sexually adventurous.
> 
> But, other than sex, our biggest is holidays. I hate Christmas and always have and she loves it. We compromise by her not going too overboard and my trying to pretend I'm OK with it.
> 
> ...


Never thought I would say this, but sex seems to be rocketing its way to the forefront these days. We have different views on raising kids but don't have any together so it's kind of a moot point. He seems to think flirting is A-OK but I'm not comfortable with it in married relationships. It is a reflection of how insecure I feel in this relationship I know.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Our biggest incompatibility is how we handle people. He tends to give people chance after chance even though they keep screwing up and screwing him over. I give people a few chances,hope for improvement,offer my help,and if they still screw me then I'm finished with them.

It's tough to watch him keep toxic people in his life.


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

For now, since we don't have kids, I'd say it's two things: 

1) introvert vs. extrovert. I love staying home on weekend nights, and he loves to go out and get wasted with friends (to be fair though, he is blowing off steam from grad school and his job). I mostly humor him by going out, but I've grown to hate drinking because of how it ruins the whole next day.

2) budgeting for big things: he loves to spend lots of money on travel, whereas I've done a lot of travel already and just want to invest in a nice condo. We just got into a massive fight because I want babies and a house, and he isn't ready for them, but there were underlying issues we needed to work on after being in grad school while working full-time for so many years.

There are other differences between us (like, he loves listening to music and I prefer silence). But we're on the same page in terms of other things--standard of living and daily expenses, valuing in-law/family time, frequency of sex, intellect, intensity of emotions, etc. 

BUT we're from different cultures (latino vs. WASP), so once we have kids, who KNOWS what our incompatibilities will be!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Please work out the issues before kids, new wife. Kids are hard enough without also having to deal with a teenaged husband.


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## Lillie (Oct 10, 2013)

Ours is he, is very out going and I am not. I'm more of a shy, private type person, which can sometimes be frustrating since we work at the same company.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

I love dogs....grew up with them, if it were solely up to me we'd have a pug or dachshund, heck any old mutt would do!

DH doesn't dislike them but is not crazy about them either, and is dead set that he does not want one in our home. And I won't bring an animal here that is not 100% wanted, not fair to the pet....even though the kids are dying for a dog. So there it is. 

We compromise by dog sitting my parents' dog when they go on vacation every winter. He's quite okay with that as it's only for 2-3 weeks, so an end is in sight, and the kids and I get a brief dog fix


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

My wife is the youngest of seven daughters in a conservative Baptist family I am the oldest of three sons in a independent Christian family. We have two teens at home, one girl and one boy.

Which means I think it's OK to take a drink now and then. I can watch an R-rated movie and know where the off button is at on the TV remote if it becomes too offensive. Coming from a family of three boys, my idea of discipline is a whole lot different than my wife's family of seven girls.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

daffodilly said:


> I love dogs....grew up with them, if it were solely up to me we'd have a pug or dachshund, heck any old mutt would do!
> 
> DH doesn't dislike them but is not crazy about them either, and is dead set that he does not want one in our home. And I won't bring an animal here that is not 100% wanted, not fair to the pet....even though the kids are dying for a dog. So there it is.
> 
> We compromise by dog sitting my parents' dog when they go on vacation every winter. He's quite okay with that as it's only for 2-3 weeks, so an end is in sight, and the kids and I get a brief dog fix


awww that makes me sad But at least you get to dog sit! Have fun and doggy snuggles then give them back! lol

That was probably one of the first things I quizzed DH about when we first began toying with the idea of being romantically involved.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

We talked about this last night.

I had all day to think about it and for the life of me, really couldn't come up with something we're absolutely incompatible about.

So I was kinda surprised he blurted out in two seconds flat - music and patience level.

Although we both enjoy different genres of music, we both detest country. He shed some light about how, um, how I'll show my distaste for some songs he has on his iPod. I had to think about that. Wow, he's right. Never really thought about how quickly I hit that "next" button! I know now to let him enjoy a song that I don't particularly care for.

And I have always known our patience levels are completely different. I just wouldn't have thought of it as an incompatibility though. He get frustrated more easily than I do but when I do, it takes me longer to calm down than he does.


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

Open, honest conversation and transparency. Been together over 20 years and fear she'll never be able to open up to me to see who she really is. 

I put it down to hard-wired low self esteem from unresolved issues around her childhood - father leaving family when she was 5? No counselling or help for her back then. 

If something is bothering me I'll say it, get it out in the open to try to resolve together. She'll always get pi$$ed at me but eventually calm down and appear to understand. If something bothers her, she'll store it away. Scares the hell out of me - feeling one day she's gonna burst like a dam!

I'm not perfect (no, really!) and I'm cool with the occasional 'please do/don't do this because it irritates me because..' but when it does come out it is spitting and hissing.

She always seemed to avoid any conversation about guys she speaks to - only mentions the women chats. Has never ever opened up to say she finds any other male attractive - I know what type of cat and dog she likes and her favourite food but the kind of guy/girl she likes (on any level of conversation) - I have no idea. She just won't go there. And no talk about sex during daylight hours.

This got longer than I expected.


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

Marriage.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

bobbieb65 said:


> Marriage.


Oh that's funny sadly.


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## code20 (Feb 5, 2014)

Money. I am a conservative saver. He lives to spend. It can sometimes be nice, like when he convinces me to untie the purse string for something for myself that I would never have bought. Or when he insists on taking trips that I think are too expensive. But his freewheeling style with $ has caused lots of issues because of taking on debt and not communicating about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

Definitely patience level is one. I am very patient and could wait hours on something. My husband is the exact opposite, which I tell him all the time when it is about something stupid like the computer being too slow.

The only other thing I can think of is what to do in free time. My husband would be happy staying home and watching movies. I like this, but I love going out and doing things during the day like to the park or something. I also love to eat out and my husband hates it. I guess he mostly compromises and takes me out, but lately with his schedule I have pity on him and stay home.


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