# Do you ever know for sure its okay...?



## YoungMilitarySpouse (Apr 9, 2009)

Im feeling really down right now. I dont know if any of you can see my previous posts, but things with my husband arent going well. Were both young and I was madly in love with him and thought he was ready for marriage but he is not. This marriage has just been a huge disappointment for me and at times has crossed the line to unacceptable. My mind tells me we dont have a marriage and I need to let go bt my heart is still tugging at me. Our one year anniversary is this Sunday. Is it okay to throw in the towel? He says he wont change for anyone ever. That just confirms in my mind its over. But why cant my heart jump on board?


----------



## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

oww and you are a military wife! If you do not mind me asking how old are you two? i can relate to the whole him saying he won't change for no one.. most men i have been with in my life has said that including my hubbie.. stubborness..i am ready to move on but my heart is telling me to stay especially cause i am 31 wks prego.. but u gotta do what is best for YOU! i need to go back and read your other posts.. but right now I have to do an business exam.. hang in there.. if you want you can add me as a friend and we can talk in messages as well... totally up to you hun.. I will remember to read ur other posts though.


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Only you can define what is unacceptable in your marriage. I just celebrated my 10th anniversary and Hubby still refuses to change.


----------



## YoungMilitarySpouse (Apr 9, 2009)

I am currently 20 years old and hubby is 22. We got married when I was 19 and he was 21 our one year anniversary is this Sunday.

I just dont know what to think anymore about everything. What we have is so far away from what I wanted from a marriage...but is my conception a fantasy or is it actually attainable? I thought being married we would talk about stuff together like making a budget and a plan for saving money and what we would use it on in the future. I thought he would want to show me off to his friends proudly and maybe even include me in some outings with them. I thought I would be a part of his family. I thought when he had a long day I'd be the person hed want to unwind to. I thought we'd be like peas in a pod and people would always see us out together, us doing things together.

Instead I kind of feel like we're just roommates or something. He wakes up goes to work, I wake up later and go to my job. Im not really sure who he knows or what he does really when hes not home. We dont have any savings, he doesnt talk about our future together or planning. The only way I know what is going on with him is to eavesdrop on conversations he has with his family who never talks to me or his best friend. And hed much rather play xbox live with the same best friend he unwinds to than to do anything with me.

Then I ask him if he wants a divorce and he says that HE doesnt want to get a divorce but he thinks its the best thing to do for me to be happy since hes incapable of changing. Thats what he says...not that he doesnt want to change but that hes incapable. And its not like I want him to be a different person I married HIM because i love HIM, I just wish we had a stronger relationship and that he changed the way he showed consideration for me and respected me

Hes not really giving me a clear answer on the divorce. He says he doesnt want it but hes willing to let me go for me to find something better. Im just so confused.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm so sorry. Can you get him to try counseling? I am sorry to have to say this, but it sounds like your husband does not really want to be married anymore, either, that he has realized he does not want what you want--and what you want is, for the most part, a fairly normal and realistic expectation for marriage--just don't expect all of it, all the time. No one person can be EVERYTHING for someone else, so friends and family remain important, and having things that are just your interests is fine, too, as long as you always have special time together. Don't keep reducing your expectations, however; that's the road to falling out of love. If you can leave now, while children are not involved, it may be the best thing for you. Don't feel too bad about it, either, b/c you will have learned a lot and you sound like a very bright young person who will learn from mistakes. 

I'm 50, and I don't regret the emotional risks I took when younger--I regret the ones I DIDN'T take. God bless.


----------

