# MORE kids!?



## strongman (Feb 4, 2009)

Needing some advice.

Wife wants a tubal reversal which sounded okay a year ago, But as the time closes in to do it I am having second thoughts about this.

See, We already have 5 kids and are struggling financially as it is. Our house is already small for what we have running around. Dont get me wrong, I love my kids we have but more would really put our stress over the top.

She really wants this and not sure I could stick around if I tell her now I don't want anymore kids......She may not even want me around after that.

Really feel like putting my foot down and saying enough is enough, Just not sure I would want the consequences that would come along with it.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I would tell her you are having second thoughts, and ask for a years time to see if things get better. SHe where that takes you.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

part of being a parent is being responsible, having 5 children and struggling financially will only deepen your financial hole with a 6th child.

Many women want the :new baby" becuase it is a "young feeling" when they feel they can no longer have children they feel like they are "done" to old, etc. It's tough to swallow mentally.

When we decided we were done at 3 I had a vesectomy instead, becuase she still ahs the "I can have children" mentality and I am ok with not having anymore or "shooting blanks" per say.

Not sure what to tell you, but my first responsiblity is the children I already have and their futures.

whatever you decide I wish you the best.


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## pairofduces (Dec 28, 2008)

This might not be about having another baby. It might be about something else. You guys need to talk.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

which ever decision you make, there are consequences either way.
i think you have to follow your heart on issues like this. 
because they are deep and personal issues.
i do think you need to communicate with her. but nevertheless again you wil have arguments which ever way you decide, because she is for it and your against it.


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## onlylonelyone (Jan 26, 2009)

Just the fact she wouldn't want you around anymore because of not wanting more kids is a good sign you have to do some work on your marriage. I can't believe it can be so easy to just give your marriage up because one person doesn't get what they want :scratchhead: Wanting a baby is a very strong feeling, yet she already had her tubes tied  I think this is obviously something you should decide together and you both have to want it. I would be more worried about bringing another child into the family if she is ready to get rid of you everytime she doesn't get what she wants. I think the other posters are right, something else is going on, and it probably has to do with the other children and her dealing with them not needing her so much and are growing up, and doing their own things. Maybe if you showed her how fun it would be to be just you and her she would reconsider. She is likely feeling lonely, undervalued, sad, and missing needing to be needed....


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I agree that having another child should be a joint decision. I always wanted three children, but my husband was done at two. Which later we found out due to health reasons, I could not have anymore after 2. All in all it worked out for us and I know I can afford to send the 2 to college, anymore and we would struggle financially.
I would definitely sit her down and let her know how you feel. Once she is pregnant and the baby is on the way, it will be too late to let her know that you did not want additional children. I would talk about it sooner rather than later.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I too had a vasectomy after our 3rd was born. 

I grew in a family with 3 brothers. My mom was the breadwinner (secretary) so obviously we didn't have a lot. But we had enough. 

After 5 I'd want no more, either. One of my past GFs asked me if I'd consider a reversal (this after nearly 20 years since the procedure). I told her I really didn't want to do it, but if she really wanted it, I'd reconsider. 

I think your wife should see a counselor to understand just what she's looking for/expecting. It may just be missing the feeling of being needed. That's never going to go away because a new baby will also grow up. 

If she can't (or won't) say exactly why she wants another, go get a vasectomy. If she says she'll leave you in order to have another kid...she REALLY needs counseling. That's just not right. 

Surely she knows the family finances. Does she work now? Is she willing to make/save money in order to pay for the pregnancy, childbirth and rearing involved? 

You both need to talk about this, and if necessary, with a counselor. having a baby must be a mutual decision. It cannot be one sided (unless there's deliberate intent to mislead/defraud).


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