# iVillage sex survey of married women



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

iVillage Married Sex Survey - iVillage

This was in USA Today newspaper Tuesday and online at iVillage. There were a few things which caught my eye as related to infidelity. 12% of women admit to an affair, but of those married more than 21 years it is 20%.

_ Of all married women, more than 1 in ten have reported having an affair. The probability of having an affair is the highest after 21 years of marriage, with 1 in five women admitting to having sex with someone other than their spouse in that group._

The most desired affair partner is an ex.

_If a married woman could get away with an affair, they would pick an old flame, five times more than they’d pick a celebrity, three times more than a complete stranger and six times more than a co-worker._

The methodology is always suspect in any survey. This one was over 1000 women. We don't know how they were selected, etc.

The infidelity rates seem quite low, but it is interesting that longer term marriages have markedly higher infidelity rates. This corresponds to other studies which show, for example, that the longer term marriages with more kids have a higher likelihood of the kids not fathered by the husband. It also jibes with the TAM forums where we see a lot of infidelity posts by those over age 50.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

nonsense. how can the partner of choice be an ex after 21 years?


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> nonsense. how can the partner of choice be an ex after 21 years?



Simple...Facebook. You can't contact a celebrity for a hook up but you can certainly reconnect with an old flame.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> nonsense. how can the partner of choice be an ex after 21 years?


The question was not who they had the affair with.

The question was, if they could get away with an affair, who would they pick. Old flames bring back memories of being young and carefree. That a woman in a LTR would be drawn to this is not terribly surprising.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I have to say I am incredulous of that. 20 years is a godawful long time to break off from someone and then have an affair with them. That tells me there's something profoundly odd going on inside that person's head. Sure sure, if you're 25 and you connect up with someone from college it sort of makes sense, but......?

I wouldn't even speak to ME of 20 years ago.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Well thats how it happened to me. old highschool boyfriend with the "sweetie" and "love this" kind of posts on Myspace, then turned into facebook, then a secret meeting, then well, you get the picture.

I hope my exwife wants to rekindle something, I'd love the opportunity to reject her.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Hmm. When I studied psych at university the rates of affairs over the course of married life were closer to 50%, with women (in the country I studied in) being more unfaithful than men by a couple of percent. 

The group sampled has a huge impact on the results.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Well, this is just my personal opinion, but I think women have the edge on the cheating playing field than men do. I mean, just think about it. If a girl goes out with the idea in her head that she's going to hook up, you are going to be hard pressed to find a heterosexual male that's going to turn "IT" down.

PLus, I hate surveys like this anyway because someone is lying! They're not going to admit to openly cheating! She's a good girl! Except that time she went to Vegas....but, that was Vegas, so it didn't count.....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I think it is part of a bigger picture for some women at that time in their lives. It is part of the "do over". By reconnecting with an old flame they are correcting in their mind anyway the what if I had gone this route instead. Makes sense to me. I think in its own way they see it as more acceptable. Like they are correcting a mistake. It is all part of a bigger fantasy of course.

The thing is that in all major decisions in our lives we can play the what if game.

We have seen that distance is not too big of a hurdle for infidelity. Neither is time past a certain point.

But I am always skeptical about who actually answers these surveys and what their agenda may or may not be.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

1 in 10. lol that means 9 in 10 aren't admitting.

lol.

I hate surveys. They are usually biased.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Surveys are tricky because the way that the questions are worded will bias the answers, people may not tell the truth, and a representative sample must be used if the results are to reflect real life attitudes.

However, this survey does make sense to me. I do believe that most people want a strong marriage, and that despite what we see in the media, cheating is not a factor in half of marriages.

As far as long term marriage, that makes sense because of mid life crises and resentments building over the years.

Women hooking up with exes? Again, makes sense because the flame of desire can be re-kindled; women wonder how the ex has changed, and we tend to look at the past with rose colored glasses, remembering only good things while the negatives fade away.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I have to say I am incredulous of that. 20 years is a godawful long time to break off from someone and then have an affair with them. That tells me there's something profoundly odd going on inside that person's head. Sure sure, if you're 25 and you connect up with someone from college it sort of makes sense, but......?
> 
> I wouldn't even speak to ME of 20 years ago.


It's sad but true, my exh and his exgf of over 20 years reconnected thru FB. Her mother had passed away and they started talking. She lives accross the country on the east coast, while we live on the west. He managed to go back east several weeks at a time for work. "She" would talk about how they would leave their spouses at 50, so they could be together again. She actually got p'd off when he had a ons on a vacation with our two eldest while he was in her town, she fb msg'd me to let me know he was cheating on me. I hate FB.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

One of my wife's ex-bf contacted her last spring via fb. He has always been a player and known for bedding married women. There is no other reason for him to contact her than trying to get another taste. It is 30 yrs since they have seen each other afaik. I nuked it after a couple of months. No indication of more than 2 messages. But the hooks were in deep in my wife. Even after all that time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well color me stupid. I don't have a fb account. Now I have another reason why.


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## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

My ex is my ex for a reason..i was done with the crap.he never cheated but he wasnt involved anything.i was with him 10yrs,he never in that time ever went shopping with me,took me out to dinner,never gave me one thing on my bd,or holidays.he is still like that now.for years he never even knew my bd.i stayed with him becuz he was a homebody as myself.only issue was he was totally boring,predictable.after 10yrs i finally sat him down & told him str8 up.he stalked me for over a year.when i met my husband my ex was furious,he would show up at my job,asking me questions.i had to finally get the police involved.it was sad that it took me to leave him for him to seem he had some fire under his butt but it was too late.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Runs like Dog,

Me too. FB real name should be F--kBook. 

My wife of 30 years, 2 grown children was "friend-ed" on FB by her college BF. 30 years ago, no contact since mind you. Within 2 weeks they were "in love" again and meeting in a hotel for sex planning there escape to Fantasy Island, a suburb of NeverNeverLand. 

It's a freaking epidemic on society.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> 1 in 10. lol that means 9 in 10 aren't admitting.
> 
> lol.
> 
> I hate surveys. They are usually biased.


The theory behind surveys, they are pretty accurate within the error margin. This error margin reduces in size as the sample size increases.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Thor said:


> the hooks were in deep in my wife. Even after all that time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you serious. This guy had an effect on her after all that time?

I tell you what...if my wife got butterflies in her stomach for an ex, I'm outta here.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

RWB said:


> Runs like Dog,
> 
> Me too. FB real name should be F--kBook.
> 
> ...


Tell me about it. Almost same exact situation with me except OM is in Canada so they weren't able to take it to a PA. No contact after all this time and then this happens and suddenly she's searching for ways to immigrate to Canada and make her escape. 

We survived all the hardships and separations in the military, yet it all comes down when an old BF friends her on facebook.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

.


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