# How come?...



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

He gets to ride off into the sunset and be happy and I'm left to clean up the mess and cope alone?

Years of him cheating, pathological lying, verbal abuse, distancing and emotional coldness and of course it was all my fault. Then to put the final nail in the humiliation coffin he gets some young girl pregnant and it was while we were still married. Everyone knew he was seeing her but me. 

I left my country (New Zealand) to marry what I thought was a wonderful man. I suspect he has badmouthed me to his family and OUR friends, all of whom I have never heard from since I kicked him out after discovering yet another D-day. What gets me down is I'm isolated and alone. I have a few good friends but they are both married and I don't see them a lot. 

I am raising our special needs child pretty much all by myself with no support, no breaks, no help from anyone, and not much help from my ex husband since he's too busy chasing "a woman who will make him happy". 

It hurts to be not only tossed aside by my husband of 13 yrs but also treated like I'm dead from his family and our mutual friends. I worry all the time how I'm going to cope if I get sick or some disaster hits me. I'm angry he gets to dump his family and ride off into the sunset and find happiness (or so he claims). When do you stop being angry and bitter?

I've been told to get out and date, go out and socialize. Socialize with whom? All of the friends I had all those years are gone I assume thanks to him. Date? Who will look after my autistic child? I work 45 hrs a week, study part time and care of our son in what's left of my week.

I've made a good life for myself since I booted him to the street, my career is on the upswing big time, I went back to school and our child is doing ok. Most days I cope just fine. Today he called me and unleashed a volley of hurtful things on me - I told him don't ever contact me again and all custody swaps can be made at a day care center. What a pr%*k.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Sorry for your pain. I'm not one of those people who believe in karma so I'm not going to tell you he will get his in time, I have seen too many bad people skate thru life happy as a clam and never suffer the repercussions of their actions.

The goal for you is to focus on your life going forward, what's done is done, imagining what could have been accomplishes nothing at this point. Wallowing in resentment accomplishes nothing, even paying any kind of attention to your exs' life accomplishes nothing. 

Finding reasons why you can't do something is the easy way out. For every problem you face there is a solution or a work around option, you just need to muster up the resolve to push yourself ahead. Someone will watch your child..someone will be your friend...someone will love you again..you just need to steer your life in the right direction.

There's an old saying..."If you think you can't, you are probably right". Work at finding solutions instead of wasting energy on anything else.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

If he is not monetarily supporting his child, go to court and seek out the support payment. Cooper is right, you cannot focus on his life but only your own and what you can do to improve it. Anyone supporting him and is okay with him abandoning his child, you should not want them in your life. If your too focused on what he is doing, you are not then focused enough on yourself. This is new to you, but the faster you can learn to accept this and move on, the more energy you can place into solving your problems.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

It's been my experience that cowboys who ride off into the sunset are so concerned with leaving they often dont know where they are going and havent packed very well.

Give it time...he'll be eating his horse by January and they will find his body when the thaw comes in the spring.

Just gotta be patient...


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Mr.Fisty said:


> If he is not monetarily supporting his child, go to court and seek out the support payment. Cooper is right, you cannot focus on his life but only your own and what you can do to improve it. Anyone supporting him and is okay with him abandoning his child, you should not want them in your life. If your too focused on what he is doing, you are not then focused enough on yourself. This is new to you, but the faster you can learn to accept this and move on, the more energy you can place into solving your problems.


I have a court order and he pays child support and alimony to me but whines about it constantly. Its all so inconvenient to him.

I feel the same way about our so called "friends". Anyone who thinks lying and cheating on your wife for years and running off with some bimbo is ok, pats him on the back and welcomes him over for Christmas dinner, I don't want them as friends in any way shape or form.

Just sucks to be so isolated and have the workload and responsibilities I do, with no support or backup and it worries me. Its a big load on my shoulders and usually I cope just fine. The verbal assault he unleashed on me the other day upset me, I admit, when usually it doesn't. He said some particularly nasty things and rubbed my face in the fact he's free to "find someone that makes him happy" while I'm some loser who has nobody. BS but still not nice to hear this crap screamed at you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He will bring you down as long as he's allowed to. Don't discuss anything with him but your child. Hang up on him or delete without reading any text or email that is not about your child.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Cooper said:


> ...I have seen too many bad people skate thru life *happy as a clam* and never suffer the repercussions of their actions...


Couldn't resist chiming in here.. my ears perked up when I saw my name. 

OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

You may never get over the bitterness and anger of what he did to you. The trick is to focus it on him and not let it taint your life. How long has it been? In which country are you living now?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Based on some of your other posts in different threads it doesn't sound like his life is all that great. Have you thought about going back to New Zealand? Do you still have family there?

Have you tried reaching out to your friends?


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