# PTSD or Nervous Breakdown



## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

I haven't posted in awhile. Background story is basically a survivor of sexual abuse from a family member, physical and emotional abuse from parents. Rocky marriage but in the last five years we have been working very positively on things with occasional ups and downs. I work occasionally but my main job is taking care of a 19 year old with high on the spectrum Asperger's son (very gifted)with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and a daughter with two chronic diseases that have no cure and not great outcomes. 

Last year, my son and I were involved in a car accident. We were rear ended and over the past year, I have had to have two surgeries and my son has seven herniated discs in his back. of course the other driver had minimum coverage and our hospital bills are way beyond that amount. We have an attorney but it's still an ongoing issue. My daughter is leaving to go to college in the fall despite her illness because we want her to go after her dreams. We pray there will be a cure and she will have a semblance of a normal life without pain. 

I have been dealing with both kids medical plus dealing with my own. My husband was injured at work and had to also have surgery two weeks before my first one. I have been depressed since Thanksgiving and my anxiety is at an all time high. My doctor prescribed, Xanax, adavan and one other drug for the panic attacks. But I can't sleep, even after taking meds I wake up at all hours. My son has rages so the last one this week, he called me a piece of ****, waste of flesh, etc.. 

I know it is part of his diagnosis, but it is draining. My daughter graduated a few weeks ago and I had the mother in law here from out of town who likes to push everyone's buttons and plays games plus my own parents that showed up last minute with no warning. I don't expect anything from them and know they basically showed up because the family made it clear they were already disgusted with them. 

I left last weekend after an altercation with both kids not wanting to help out and leaving everything up to me to handle. Hubby helps when he can but between his work and injury, he isn't around much or exhausted. I know I am exhausted as well. My body seems to be in flight or fight mode and I am constantly repeating things. I have an appointment with a professional but can't be seen until July 12. I am stressed about everything. 

The kids, money, school, medical stuff, coping with yet another problem on top of another, pressure from my parents that I do not do anything for them and I OWE them to take care of them (my extended family members can't help they live out of state, but they do not agree with my parents and tell me to forget them.) I feel guilty when I shouldn't, and I don't5 find interest in the things I used to be really excited about. 

I won't commit suicide, I wouldn't leave my kids to deal with their issues alone, but I can see why people do it. I know I have had anxiety since I was a teen but I feel like I can't get passed everything. I can't move forward and I wait for the next anvil to drop. Driving makes me nervous, I am tired all the time, and feel like I can't get emotions under control at all. My husband thinks that years of dealing with disasters after another and dealing with mainly my daughter's medical 90% of the time. 

Not knowing what is going to happen to her, is like a ticking time bomb. It's like waiting on your child to die. Has anyone else experienced this? Normally I stay active, make myself get out and do things, and walk to keep it down, but I feel out of control. Nothing is working and I feel alone. Any suggestions?


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## bookgeek890 (Jul 8, 2017)

When I went through a really really bad emotional time but did not want to go to a therapist, writing things down in my phone helped me out. When I would get hit with a panic attack, I would focus my thoughts on recognizing that I was having a panic attack and not dying and I would send a constant stream of texts to my SO during it to have something to focus on and if he was in the room with me he would talk about random things. I spent a lot of time focusing on exactly what I was fearful of and would would to shift my focus from why I was afraid to why I didn't need to be. For some cases, I worked on accepting the fear and with that there came some relaxation and a release of a lot of tension. My SO helped me through a lot and put up with a lot of crying, mood swings, and lots of frustration on his end from not being able to immediately fix it. Sometimes we would talk when I couldn't sleep until I couldn't really talk anymore or until he fell asleep on me and sometimes I would just talk to the air. I would have good days and bad days but having a rock definitely helped me get through mostly intact.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm very sorry for all you are going through, you certainly have a lot on your plate right now.

What jumped out at me in regards to all the anxiety and panic attacks you are experiencing is the fact that you are taking Xanax and Ativan, both of which are benzodiazepines. They are intended for very short term use (14 days or less) but many doctors don't prescribe them correctly. They can cause HELLACIOUS withdrawal symptoms including massive anxiety and panic, as they directly affect the GABA receptors in your brain. You can quickly develop a tolerance to them and they end up causing the very symptoms they are supposed to alleviate. It can be a vicious cycle if you increase dosages or add other meds to the mix (you mention you're on one other med).

If you haven't done so already, please do some research on this class of drugs and consider getting off of these meds. Tons of research and studies are out there, but you can start here:
Before You Fill That Benzodiazepine Prescription: READ THIS

Someone very near and dear to me has struggled with getting off these meds (Xanax, Ativan & Klonopin) for nearly a decade and it has been a living nightmare of panic, anxiety, derealization and depersonalization.

I hope you get lots of good advice to help you cope with everything. I just wanted to share that small piece of info.


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## whattodowithhim (Jul 27, 2017)

I find great relief when I eat right and exercise. Many would too, if they did so. Swallowing a pill is not a long term solution. Honestly, find the will to stock up on organic veggies and cut out the bad stuff. Get out and walk around the neighborhood in the fresh air. Look at the sky, the trees, drink in the day's beauty and do your best to focus on the good things. If you want to get through this you will. But, you have to commit to it, you have to fight. It won't bee easy but it can be done. Oh, and don't feel obligated to take crap off anyone, even family. Let them know where they can go and do not tolerate anyone's crap. You don't have to. Your confidence will go up when you say ENOUGH and stand up for yourself. The anxiety etc? I have been there many times. No more. Pills will destroy you. You have to remember you are the boss, you are in control. Comedies and laughter are a huge relief for panic attacks.


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