# Where do I go from here?



## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 8 this upcoming August. On June 9th I confronted him after he posted some (24) poems he had written on social media and it was clear that they were about someone and it was not me. Before I confronted him I checked other social media outlets he was a part of and realized I had been blocked, yet I had no clue why. My best friend was able to access his page and saw that he has been talking to a few women. After I confronted him all he would say is for me to get my stuff and leave, he refused to speak with me or see me, this is after being together for 12 years, needless to say, I was really hurt. I had no choice other than to pack my stuff up and leave the house. I took our 3 pets with us. Monday the 12th I texted him because he would not answer my calls, asking him for answers, he eventually told me that he does not love me anymore and has not for a while but did not leave because he is a coward and did not want to be away from our pets as well. He has cheated in the past (2015) we went to marriage counseling and seemed to move past it. He was and still is my soulmate. I imagined growing old with him. I just can't wrap my head around someone falling out of love with someone. I asked him if there was a chance we could reconcile and he said no, that I needed to just move in. I have been lost since then, I can eat or sleep. About a month ago we had moved back to our home city so that I could pursue my nursing degree while he supported us. I have always been the one working consistently for our entire marriage so this scared me but he assured me he would step up and support us until I had finished school. Right now I am staying at my mom's and trying to get a job, car and slowly peace my life back together, I know it has only been 9 days but I just feel so lost, alone and confused. He was my world, I don't have many friends and without a car or money, I can't really leave the house. Sorry, this is so long I just needed to get it all out. I just don't know how to forget him.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I am sorry about this terrible thing that happened to you but I have to tell you he is not your soulmate. He is just plain garbage. A soulmate doesn't kick you out like a coward and cheat on you multiple times. No one deserves a soulmate like that, who would want one.

Listen to him and move on, because you don't know it yet but moving on is going to be SO MUCH better. In 2 years you will be thanking him. Trust me and the others who will follow and echo what I am saying. 

You will get through this, you will have better times then you had before. It's going to be alright.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

It hurts, but your life will be so much better without this loser.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

lostandalone18 said:


> My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 8 this upcoming August. On June 9th I confronted him after he posted some (24) poems he had written on social media and it was clear that they were about someone and it was not me. Before I confronted him I checked other social media outlets he was a part of and realized I had been blocked, yet I had no clue why. My best friend was able to access his page and saw that he has been talking to a few women. After I confronted him all he would say is for me to get my stuff and leave, he refused to speak with me or see me, this is after being together for 12 years, needless to say, I was really hurt. I had no choice other than to pack my stuff up and leave the house. I took our 3 pets with us. Monday the 12th I texted him because he would not answer my calls, asking him for answers, he eventually told me that he does not love me anymore and has not for a while but did not leave because he is a coward and did not want to be away from our pets as well. He has cheated in the past (2015) we went to marriage counseling and seemed to move past it. He was and still is my soulmate. I imagined growing old with him. I just can't wrap my head around someone falling out of love with someone. I asked him if there was a chance we could reconcile and he said no, that I needed to just move in. I have been lost since then, I can eat or sleep. About a month ago we had moved back to our home city so that I could pursue my nursing degree while he supported us. I have always been the one working consistently for our entire marriage so this scared me but he assured me he would step up and support us until I had finished school. Right now I am staying at my mom's and trying to get a job, car and slowly peace my life back together, I know it has only been 9 days but I just feel so lost, alone and confused. He was my world, I don't have many friends and without a car or money, I can't really leave the house. Sorry, this is so long I just needed to get it all out. I just don't know how to forget him.


So sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like he has found someone else.
However, why did you move out of the house, he has no right to ask you to leave. Please go and see a lawyer about your rights and ensure you fleece him for every pen he is worth.
I know your heart is breaking right now, but you need to find your righteous anger and not let him walk all over you liked this. Send him divorce papers, ensure you get what you are entitled to.
Tell all family and friends what he has been doing and expose him for what he is.
Do the 180 and refuse to communicate with him except through a lawyer or via email.
A man who treats you like this, doesn't deserve you. How old are you?
Make sure you get IC for yourself and lean on siblings or friends for support.


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## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

I am 29 and I moved out of the house because the house belongs to his parents. Since I an not working there is no way that I could afford any bills. We recently relocated back home about a month ago and I had to quit my job then, of course at the time he assured me he would support me. He has nothing for me to take, he quit his job a week prior to leaving me. I took everything when I left, I left the house empty because that's what he deserved. I am not communicating with him and when I do it is Via text. Thanks for your advice.


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## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

Thank you.


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## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

Thank you. I am trying all that I can do to move on, I think it will just take some time but I know it will get better. I can't wait for the day where I wake up and feel better. Thanks what I'm pushing for now.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

29, no kids?


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

In this situation I see 2 outcomes he will change his mind or it will end. This is only advice to get back and it seems like it's better to move on. Just send him a text and let him know that breaking up was a good thing. List a few things that why and let him know that you be ok with divorce. Then go no contact don't reply at all to any texts, don't answer his calls avoid him at all cost. Wait!!! 2 weeks 3 weeks?? Or just be real leave him alone period. Will he freak out? 50/50 chance but also you need to be yourself! Independant! New life without him. Forget him move on!

Just remember the golden rule
1. Agree with the divorce
2. No contact.


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## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

No, unfortunately, I can not have any, but there is a silver lining in that, I would not want any child to have to go through this.


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## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

I have not had communication with him, only to pick up a very important letter I needed, then he text me asking for tax info. When I don't have contact with him I am fine (usually) but the days he reaches out to me are the worst. I do not think he will come back and that is fine, my heart will get on the same page as my brain eventually. I pray that he doesn't because if he does now I am not strong enough to turn him down. He hasn't even mentioned divorce but that is obviously the next step and I am ready to get it done with and move on. Then once that is finalized I will have no need or reason to reach out to him nor him to me.


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## manknot (Jun 22, 2018)

That's terrible. He wouldn't want to explain why he fall out of love. I hope you'll be brave and get your piece together


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

lostandalone18 said:


> I have not had communication with him, only to pick up a very important letter I needed, then he text me asking for tax info. When I don't have contact with him I am fine (usually) but the days he reaches out to me are the worst. I do not think he will come back and that is fine, my heart will get on the same page as my brain eventually. I pray that he doesn't because if he does now I am not strong enough to turn him down. He hasn't even mentioned divorce but that is obviously the next step and I am ready to get it done with and move on. Then once that is finalized I will have no need or reason to reach out to him nor him to me.


Lost I know it feels like the ultimate gut punch now, the ultimate heartbreak, loss, you name it! Many of us here have unfortunately had to feel this and the way we deal with it determines our course, some faster than others but if we 'move along' (one of my favorite songs to pick myself up), we go through the motions now, sooner or later you won't have to fake it to make it. It may seem like a lot of hope is gone now but you are going to come out of this better than ever. You have learned a lot the hard way and it's not your fault, it's a shame you did but years from now, you will have benefited from this situation, by finding a man that will make this low life look like a speck on the radar.

You mention not having a very busy life outside of the marriage, with no car, etc. You did good by focusing on schooling. I would suggest and DON'T FEEL BAD about it, to really look for close family right now and lean on them. Once they know your situation, they will be happy to help, even when you think you are being a burden. Even if that means moving far away, do it. Then pick up your schooling there, finish your degree. You are going to have a good job when you are done, that is a great and ever expanding field. You are going to meet new people through schooling and your job, etc. Meanwhile, this loser is going to look for someone else to support him, I didn't even catch that til the 2nd time I read your post, that he depended on you for financial support. 

There may have been at one point 'true love' and you can choose to believe and keep the memories of the good times, I don't agree that you just have to forget that stuff and say, well he never loved you if he did this, etc. The problem is, people like this have two issues with Love. They either don't love themselves very much and keep searching for the source of their pain and ways to medicate it, often blaming the person that is with them as the cause or they don't know how to love in general. These are not your issues and you can't fix them. You can only control you and at 29, with no kids, you have your WHOLE life ahead of you, trust me. One day if you really want kids, you will have them, whether it's through adoption or whatever, or maybe even finding the true love of your life and they already children. These situations have a strange way of working themselves out for those that deserve good karma but it takes time.

Keep posting with questions and thoughts, we will be happy to offer what we can.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm very sorry. I know this is an extremely difficult time for you but you're fortunate to have discovered now he doesn't love you instead of decades down the road. Time does heal but it can be a slow process. Be easy on yourself.


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## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

Thank you. You are right. The days are slowly but surely getting easier to handle. I'm learning to love myself and accept that I did nothing wrong.


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## lostandalone18 (Jun 19, 2018)

Every time I read replies from all of you I end up crying, not because I miss him or want him back but because you all motivate me so much. I have never felt such compassion and love from people I do not know. Having this forum as an outlet has helped me tremendously. I do feel like a burden sometimes because I am so used to being the one who is depended on, so being the one who is lost and needs help is hard for me to accept. You are right once I start to meet new people and I ultimately finish school, even if it takes longer than I initially planned it will be so worth it. I know I will be ok, some days are harder than others but slowly they are getting easier to manage. I am also looking into counseling because I can clearly recognize that there are so co-dependancy issues on my end and I need to work through those. I want to be able to be strong and stand on my own two feet. We had talked about adoption for many years but never pulled the trigger and now I am happy that we did not. I always say everything happens for a reason whether or not you understand it. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, it means the world to me right now especially since I feel so alone.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

lostandalone18 said:


> Every time I read replies from all of you I end up crying, not because I miss him or want him back but because you all motivate me so much. I have never felt such compassion and love from people I do not know. Having this forum as an outlet has helped me tremendously. I do feel like a burden sometimes because I am so used to being the one who is depended on, so being the one who is lost and needs help is hard for me to accept. You are right once I start to meet new people and I ultimately finish school, even if it takes longer than I initially planned it will be so worth it. I know I will be ok, some days are harder than others but slowly they are getting easier to manage. I am also looking into counseling because I can clearly recognize that there are so co-dependancy issues on my end and I need to work through those. I want to be able to be strong and stand on my own two feet. We had talked about adoption for many years but never pulled the trigger and now I am happy that we did not. I always say everything happens for a reason whether or not you understand it. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, it means the world to me right now especially since I feel so alone.


You are making progress. As much as you hurt right now, I promise that it will get better. 

The things that you are talking about, and thinking about are the very things that you should be focused on. 

The first thing that you have to do is take care of yourself. Learn about yourself, grow with in yourself. 

All of these things will make you stronger and much more self aware, which is something that we all should continue working on. 

The work that you are doing, sometime in the future will set you up for a healthier life and eventually, a healthy relationship. 

Hang in there sugar...


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

Hi lost, I’m a 67 yo man and have been through much the same as you at 48. After my ex left to find herself, it was like a gut punch. 

Was married 17 years, but unlike you, she had two kids before our marriage and we had two after. The 4 stayed with me.

I was devastated, but gradually took control, my sons are now grown and gone on with their own lives and I am remarried to an old school friend. She and I reconnected after both our divorces and we now share 8 kids and 16 grands. 

The point I’m trying to make and being so long winded about is that things do get better. You are a rockstar, so know that and live your young life to its fullest.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I know so much more about myself after going through something like this! You Will Too!!!! I Promise!!! You will become an even Better Person!! You Will Know Your Weakness AND Your Strengths! Your Faults and Your Value! You WILL Gravitate towards what is positive for your well being and Turn Away from what is negative!!And after you’ve got it all figured out, you’ll learn even more!! It Will Be Great!!!

Hang in there! Lean on your family! Burden this forum with the crazy stuff in your head and try not to hit your friends up too hard with your personal issues. Most of us forum members know how to take it. We get it. Your REAL friends will ask about it, btw. Don’t wear them out, but let them be there if they’re wanting to be there. 

I’m so sorry. I know this Hurts like nothing imaginable. But you will thank your husband for walking away in the end. Promise!

Sending Love!! 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Things you need to realize:

He's not your soulmate
The world won't end
The sun will come up in the am
He's a selfish piece of ****
You're very young and will be fine and a lot wiser
You have value
There are better out there
You need to fix your picker
Let him go
Don't try and fix him
Get the D ASAP 
Cut off all possible contact
Don't ever look back, there's nothing there


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