# sex not often



## longingforhubby (Jul 10, 2012)

I am a 33 year old woman, who has been married for 15 years. My husband and I were high school sweethearts and started our marriage young. The first few years of our marriage were good. We has a healthy sex life, but the past I would say 10 years, it has gone down hill. We have moments when we will have sex numerous times a week, but then go 3,4 even 5 weeks with nothing. We have gone as long as 6 months between.

The rest of our marriage is very strong. He is my favorite person. I love being with him, he makes me very happy. I am just so unsatisified with our sex life. I make moves and he turns me down. I flirt and make suggestions and get nothing, or he just laughs. I am very open to trying anything and he knows this. But never takes me up on it. He is over weight and I know that makes a difference, but I have never made any comments. We have sex the same way all the time, and I have to fake most of my orgasms b/c I do not want to hurt his feelings. I do not know what to do.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

I don't want to sound sarcastic... but why don't you try communicating?

There could be any number of things affecting his libido, but you should certainly be more open with your husband about your sex lives - _especially_ if it has dwindled as badly as it has.

Why _can't_ you ask him what's ailing him? Why _can't_ you tell him the sex you are having is stale and boring?

He's a big boy - you're not going to hurt him by pushing for variety and more sex. If it really bothers you as much as you suggest, why can't you sit him down and tell him it's bothering you as much as you say?

My ex was a b!tch, and she had _no_ trouble telling me what she liked/didn't like, and what turned her on and off. And if she didn't cum... well, she made sure to let me know. I was a bit overwhelmed when we first started dating, but I grew to appreciate her honesty. She was quite a piece of work, but she knew what she wanted, and I respected that.

I _am_ a writer, though, and I revel in criticism. I can only speak for myself, obviously, but if you have a serious hang-up about your husband, _you should tell your husband._


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I agree with the first responder. Start with a small talk with your husnand. Tell him that you feel he doesn't desire you as much as he did in the beginning because the sex is not very often. tell him what you want in your marriage. If you don't communicate, you may lose more than you have already lost.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Try to avoid making it sound like a criticism. Maybe try something like "Hey baby, as I'm getting older I'm finding that I'm more and more curious about x (sexual positions, type of sex, etc) and I really want to try these things out with you big boy! I've cleared our calendars for this weekend so how about you and I check in to our room now and by the way, you should probably bring some energy bars!"


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## DanG (Aug 10, 2011)

Read what kag123 wrote in this thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/50786-why-doesnt-my-husband-initiate-sex.html#post895569. " I sat my husband down at the dinner table one day (sans kids) and just told him - I would like to have sex this many times a week . . . "
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## longingforhubby (Jul 10, 2012)

I have sat down and talked about this with him. He just says that he just does not that have the drive he used to, and that he needs to go to the doctor, but he never does. It is really frustrating because all other areas are great. I know he finds me attractive, and I have NO problems telling him what I want. I am just not sure if I am making this into a bigger deal than it really is.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

longingforhubby said:


> I have sat down and talked about this with him. He just says that he just does not that have the drive he used to, and that he needs to go to the doctor, but he never does. It is really frustrating because all other areas are great. I know he finds me attractive, and I have NO problems telling him what I want. I am just not sure if I am making this into a bigger deal than it really is.


Sorry, sounds more like a brush off to me. If he says he needs to go to the doctor, why doesn't he? I'd ask him to go to the doctor, give him a month to make an appointment, and if he doesn't make an appointment, then ask him again, just this time with an "or else..." attached to it.

This is both of yours problem, not you by yourself. He needs to understand that. I fail to see why it's so hard for BOTH spouses to recognize that when one spouse suffers (sexually or otherwise) that both suffer as they aren't getting the best their loved one has to offer.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

longingforhubby said:


> I have sat down and talked about this with him. He just says that he just does not that have the drive he used to, and that he needs to go to the doctor, but he never does. It is really frustrating because all other areas are great. I know he finds me attractive, and I have NO problems telling him what I want. I am just not sure if I am making this into a bigger deal than it really is.


If you are not satisfied, then it is a big deal. Don't discount your own feelings. Going months without physical intimacy would definitely be a killer for me. 
I believe that you mentioned that he is carrying extra weight. This has the potential to create havoc with the libido and self confidence. It also sounds like there might be a touch of laziness and/or fear involved (won't go to the doctor). Its time for you to have another sit down with him. This time, it needs to be a bit firmer. Let him know that you are not happy and that something needs to change. Set a doctor's appointment for him and make him go. What many LD spouses don't seem to understand is just because they don't have a problem with their sex life doesn't mean that there isn't a problem that needs to be fixed. 
If your husband won't take action for himself, tell him that it is for you and both of you as a couple. Get him off of the couch and focus on your needs. Stop being so selfish.


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