# Male teacher, 55, hugs me and call me soulmate - why?



## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

Hello!

I am a 18 year old girl and has a 55 year old male teacher, whom is married and also has two adopted children. He is my teacher in history and social sciences and we really have the same interests in the subjects such special literature and genealogy. We often talks around 1 hours 2-3 times per week, the last 6-7 weeks. He says I am his best student ever, I am a star on the sky and stuff like that. He smiles a lot at me, and I feel/think he is kind of flirty.

The last 6-7 weeks we have talked a lot alone in his room (around 15-20 times) with the door closed, and when I am about to leave he raises up and hugs me everytime. Two-armed hugs. Our cheeks touched each others once. Quite erotic hugs I would say.. but I don't really know.

Once he also took my hand after the hug and said something like "take care of you" and smiled a lot and with intensively eye-contact. Another time after a hug he called me his soulmate and smiled. He has also put a hand a little bit over my hip two times when I took my hand on his shoulder.

Although he has never kissed me or something like that. Why?

It can also be said how he only hugs me when we are alone in his room with the door closed. Never in the corridor or if the door happens to be open.

Furthermore, I think he is very disappointed about his work as a teacher, often tell me how he is tired of everything and the messy classes he teach. And wants to be a professor and stuff like that, but says it is too late..

Is our "relation" inappropriate or is it normal? Why is he doing what he is doing - do you think he wants me sexual or is he just being friendly/parently?

It happens at a swedish school, if it matters. And sorry for my bad english.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Your relationship veered into unprofessional territory by American standards. Teachers are in a position to influence their younger students, and his behaviors are crossing an ethical line. 

The door should remain open when you meet if you're not discussing confidential information. There should be no physical contact. His disappointment with his job is not something he should be discussing "on company time" with his students. And that's purely IF his intentions are honorable.

The hugs and flirty comments are way beyond professional.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I have to ask.... You didn't mention if you like the attention or not. Do you? If so, he may be picking up on your body language. If not, you need to be more careful.

Either way, he is putting his job at risk and your edcuation.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sounds like you are enjoying the attention. If you found it desturbing, you would not sit there talking to him for hours. And you would recoil at his touch. 

Did you discuss this with your parents? How about asking him if his wife knows that you are his soul mate instead of her. 

Come on - I think you know very well that this is way off base. Do you think he is a moral honest man? He has two kids and a wife and he spends hrs talking to and hugging an 18 yr girl. 

He has children about your age, what 55yr old man needs a girl of his childrens age for a soul mate? What a fine man.

My advice - think about what you are doing. 

Stop now. You may like the attention but you may be headed for more than you realize. Suppose he has sex with you on his mind? 

It would not be romantic he would not be not thinking about romance. Don't put yourself in a compromising position. Socialize with kids your own age, it's safer.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

RodVin said:


> *Is our "relation" inappropriate or is it normal? Why is he doing what he is doing - do you think he wants me sexual or is he just being friendly/parently?*


I hope this is a serious question not something done for a joke or a laugh.

Surely you can see isn't an honorable decent teacher. 55 year old teachers don't treat 18 year old female students this way unless they want to get into trouble with the school. His behavior is completely inappropriate. Can't you see that? You're old enough to realize this. If this happened in America, I know he would lose his job and possibly face a lawsuit from the student.

Why do you allow him to touch you that way? Do you like that he pays so much attention to you? 

You say much about him, but nothing really about how it makes you feel.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

you are in dangerous waters for student and teacher. it can be difficult for the student to express discomfort with the teacher but it is not right for a teacher to cross certain lines of behavior with a student. 
I'd suggest leaving the door open if you have to meet with him. If he closes it, that is the time to let him know that makes you uncomfortable. If he insists on the door being closed that is not a good sign. At that point I would advise not having such closed door sessions with him.
I hope your class with this teacher ends soon and you can thank him for his instructing you but I would advise distancing yourself from him in the future.


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## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

It makes me feel confused of course, because I don't know his intentions and why he is doing it.. Although I think it is more likely that he is doing it because he is sexually intreseted in me, but it could be just a way to be nice as well.

For example he has said that, if he could, he would hire me as his assisent at work and that I'm very nice etc.

But, to be honest - yes, I'm attracted to him and I like his hugs. How do you think he would react if I kissed him on his cheek after the holidays?

One more thing I feel strange about; one time (about 3-4 weeks ago) when the fire alarm went on at my school and we were in his little room talking I asked if we maybe should go out because of the firealarm, then he said like we didn't need that and that it probably wasn't a real fire and also smiled and said that we could take the way through the window in case of necessity.(his room is at the third floor). Later he received a mail which said it was a real fire so it wasn't like a fire drill and exercise. Kind of strange actually. ?


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I can't help but think you should be aware this behavior is innapropriate..or ARE very much aware of it, but have yet to stop it.

who hugs their teacher...erotic hugs no less....soulmate...yadda, yadda. EWWWWW!

I was 17 and knew the very second a teacher hit on me!

If you still must see him after hours, you must not continue this. the door never closes. you don't hugs goodbye. you just got a text ...have to make a call...see you next time.


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## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

Furthermore, he can talk about his wife sometimes. Like once he said that he had told her about an essay I had written and so. Also, when we read and comment some old poetry once (the same meeting that he said I was his soulmate) he said something like "me and my wife used to read and comment stuff like this". That is also weird?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

a lot of old men lust for 18 year old because their youthful appearance is physically attractive, they are often naive, inexperienced and easy to manipulate. There is a very rare chance that he is just smitten, but more likely he is being predatorial and will escalate this to take advantage of you - he is using you, hopefully you realize it before it's too late. Either way he is behaving completely inappropriately - you haven't done anything wrong, so tell a parent or a school counselor.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

While I agree that his conduct is inappropriate, I wonder whether our take on the situation is more from a North American viewpoint rather than a Eurpoean one where hugging/touching is more common.


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## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> While I agree that his conduct is inappropriate, I wonder whether our take on the situation is more from a North American viewpoint rather than a Eurpoean one where hugging/touching is more common.


Although hugging/touching is not so common in Sweden, maybe a little bit more than in North America though? More France and those countries.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

He likes you sexually. Of that I have no doubt.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I'm a teacher, in Southern Europe, where we hug more and kiss on the cheek as greetings for adults of opposite sexes. But i don't know a single male teacher who would be hugging a female student like that these days. I can't see how that can be read in any other way other than something inappropriate.

And at 55 he probably still has some gunpowder left. This doesn't seem to be a fatherly thing.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

RodVin said:


> Hello!
> 
> I am a 18 year old girl and has a 55 year old male teacher, whom is married and also has two adopted children. He is my teacher in history and social sciences and we really have the same interests in the subjects such special literature and genealogy. We often talks around 1 hours 2-3 times per week, the last 6-7 weeks. He says I am his best student ever, I am a star on the sky and stuff like that. He smiles a lot at me, and I feel/think he is kind of flirty.
> *Then obviously he is.*
> ...


RodVin there's more than one issue here. First off the innocent act does not fly. Obviously you know what he's wanting this to become. I suspect it's inappropriate from the school's pov so yes it's inappropriate. Now if you want to hook up with a 55 year old guy then I sugest you don't do it with a teacher so long as you are enrolled there.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

RodVin said:


> It makes me feel confused of course, because I don't know his intentions and why he is doing it.. Although I think it is more likely that he is doing it because he is sexually intreseted in me, but it could be just a way to be nice as well.
> 
> For example he has said that, if he could, he would hire me as his assisent at work and that I'm very nice etc.
> 
> ...


Oh I thought you were posting because you were not sure what his intentions were and that yours were innocent. It turns out that you plan to escalate things by giving him a kiss for the holiday. 

You seem to know what you want so go for it. Give him a kiss on the mouth and tell him how attacted you are to him. May plan to meet up with him in his office during the vacation. I am sure he would love that. 

I don't think you will have any problems if your question is wheather or not he would welcome your advances. He will and he will be thrilled. 

Was that what you wanted to know? There may be some other things you need to know but you are not ready to hear them. 

Have fun embarking on a journey of imaginary romance. When you wake up and find that you have been used you can go on to the next old horny professor and let him use you. 

Good luck.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Oh I thought you were posting because you were not sure what his intentions were and that yours were innocent. It turns out that you plan to escalate things by giving him a kiss for the holiday.
> 
> You seem to know what you want so go for it. Give him a kiss on the mouth and tell him how attacted you are to him. May plan to meet up with him in his office during the vacation. I am sure he would love that.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I think Catherine is right on this. OP is waiting for all of us to say "go for it". Good luck with that.


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## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

No, I am not sure what his intentions are. That is why I asked. I don't think I would dare to kiss him although. Maybe on the cheek. And, in that case, after the holidays, in January... I don't know what to do.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It sounds as though you're flattered by your teacher's attention and not particularly disturbed by it. However, his behaviour is inappropriate on several levels and you need to stop being alone with him. 

Teachers don't hug and rub their faces against those of their students, and they certainly don't talk about being "soulmates" with them.

At 18 you're old enough to know that you're playing with fire. Stop it.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

RodVin said:


> No, I am not sure what his intentions are. That is why I asked. I don't think I would dare to kiss him although. Maybe on the cheek. And, in that case, after the holidays, in January... I don't know what to do.


Ewww! A 55 year old man and a teenager? That's just :wtf:

He should know better. Not just because he's older and married, but because, as a teacher, he's in a position of authority and influence over young people and he should not be abusing his position this way.

You? I don't know. Why do you want to be with an old man? Do you have daddy issues?


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## didntcitcoming (Oct 15, 2012)

This is a troll.....I'm calling BS!!! I don't believe that you are 18 and that there is a 55 yr old teacher doing this. C'mon, a 40 year age difference and you're confused as to whether this is right??? I have a daughter this age and she and her friends don't speak the way you do....throwing the occasional "like" in there to sound young.

Why is an 18 year old non married student on TAM??


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## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

didntcitcoming said:


> This is a troll.....I'm calling BS!!! I don't believe that you are 18 and that there is a 55 yr old teacher doing this. C'mon, a 40 year age difference and you're confused as to whether this is right??? I have a daughter this age and she and her friends don't speak the way you do....throwing the occasional "like" in there to sound young.
> 
> Why is an 18 year old non married student on TAM??


1. I'm not american, I'm swedish. That's why my english is bad.
2. I'm at TAM because I needed a relationship forum to ask about this on.

And I didn't ask whether it is wrong or not, I ask if you guys think he is interested or not. You don't think he is because of the age difference?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Am I the only one who had a whole bunch of strange alarm bells go off in my head when I read this post? And not just about the teacher's behavior, either.


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## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Am I the only one who had a whole bunch of strange alarm bells go off in my head when I read this post? And not just about the teacher's behavior, either.


?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

RodVin said:


> ?


The whole thing smells funny to me, which is sorta strange because I'm not typically the suspicious type.

An unmarried 18 year old stumbles on TAM asking questions it's pretty clear she already knows the answers to about a relationship with a man that she seems to find both off-putting and titillating, coupled with an apology for writing with better command of the English language than half of native speakers display here. 

I don't know why, I just suffered a really big cognitive step-function when I read it. It could all be exactly as portrayed, in which case I will recalibrate. Reading further posts from the OP make it seem like maybe it's as real as it doesn't sound.


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## RodVin (Dec 18, 2012)

Cletus said:


> The whole thing smells funny to me, which is sorta strange because I'm not typically the suspicious type.
> 
> An unmarried 18 year old stumbles on TAM asking questions it's pretty clear she already knows the answers to about a relationship with a man that she seems to find both off-putting and titillating, coupled with an apology for writing with better command of the English language than half of native speakers display here.
> 
> I don't know why, I just suffered a really big cognitive step-function when I read it. It could all be exactly as portrayed, in which case I will recalibrate. Reading further posts from the OP make it seem like maybe it's as real as it doesn't sound.


What exactly makes it sound unreal?

Whatever. Do you consider the huggings as flirting or is he just being a little friendly? Maybe he hugs everyone? How should I know? I have had him as teacher in 3 terms now although, and it is just this last term when we have been getting this good connection he hugs me, before he just said stuff like "you're a very good student, what can I even learn you" and so. He never even touched me before.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Cletus said:


> The whole thing smells funny to me, which is sorta strange because I'm not typically the suspicious type.
> 
> An unmarried 18 year old stumbles on TAM asking questions it's pretty clear she already knows the answers to about a relationship with a man that she seems to find both off-putting and titillating, coupled with an apology for writing with better command of the English language than half of native speakers display here.
> 
> I don't know why, I just suffered a really big cognitive step-function when I read it. It could all be exactly as portrayed, in which case I will recalibrate. Reading further posts from the OP make it seem like maybe it's as real as it doesn't sound.


I got the same impression as well hence the first line in my post. 

Every so often the same question gets asked by a seemingly "new" poster that reminds you so much of other posters in the past. Coincidence? Hmmmm.....


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

RodVin said:


> 1. I'm not american, I'm swedish. That's why my english is bad.
> 2. I'm at TAM because I needed a relationship forum to ask about this on.
> 
> And I didn't ask whether it is wrong or not, I ask if you guys think he is interested or not. You don't think he is because of the age difference?


OK, at a guess I would say that he's possibly flattered by the attention of an 18 year old female. He might be interested in the boost to his middle-aged ego, but it's doubtful that he's seriously interested in progressing things with you. To do so would cost him his career and no doubt his marriage, and only an idiot would do that.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

RodVin said:


> What exactly makes it sound unreal? Whatever. Do you consider the huggings as fliriting or is he just being a little friendly? Maybe he hugs everyone? How should I know? I have had him as teacher in 3 terms now although, and it is just this last term when we have been getting this good connection he hugs me, before he just said stuff like "you a very good student, what can I even learn" and so. He never even touched me before.


His actions are wildly over the line. Even an affectionate teacher knows the boundaries that are unacceptable to cross in a student/teacher relationship.

I knew a teacher like this in high school. He had a cult following - all the young girls thought he was sensitive, interesting, attractive, engaging, and "oh, so dreamy". 30 years later, he's serving time in a state prison for having a sexual relationship with a 16 year old.

I knew a youth counselor who had the same kind of influence over the young women in his church group. I thought it was a little creepy when I saw it, but didn't find out until years later from my wife - who was friends with his wife and 4 chidren - that he had hugged her one day and professed his love. She was 17 or 18 at the time.

You're 18, so as an adult he can't be prosecuted for anything. But you are very much in a very questionable situation. I would be keeping my distance.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> coupled with an apology for writing with better command of the English language than half of native speakers display here.


Means nothing. Europeans of many nationalities can write in english in a satisfactory way. Blame education and the power of american media.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

didntcitcoming said:


> This is a troll.....I'm calling BS!!! I don't believe that you are 18 and that there is a 55 yr old teacher doing this. C'mon, a 40 year age difference and you're confused as to whether this is right??? I have a daughter this age and she and her friends don't speak the way you do....throwing the occasional "like" in there to sound young.
> 
> Why is an 18 year old non married student on TAM??


I don't know if she is really 18, but there are definitely teachers like this 55 year old guy. I had a math teacher in high school who was overly affectionate towards me and would try to get me alone in his classroom. He'd put his arm around me when he'd see me walking and come walk next to me, acting as if we were "buddy buddy". He'd come to my volleyball practices to watch me and the team play. He'd try to give me special attention in class when I had him as my teacher, put his hand on my arm or knee/thigh when talking to me, and a number of other creepy advances that he made in addition to those mentioned. I tried telling another teacher about how uncomfortable I was with that teacher, but it ended up backfiring on me and made things worse. He still teaches at the high school and unfortunately is tenured, so he can't really be fired. 

OP, I can understand not liking guys your own age, but liking a man who is easily old enough to be your dad is disturbing. Not only that, but this guy is your teacher and there is an imbalance of power. There are so many red flags and things that are inappropriate about this "relationship" that I wouldn't know where to start. Stay away from this teacher and focus on school.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> He still teaches at the high school and unfortunately is tenured, so he can't really be fired.


Tenured means they won't toss him just for hearsay, not that he's invincible. At the very least, the school board should know that they have a teacher with boundary issues in their district.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Tenured means they won't toss him just for hearsay, not that he's invincible. At the very least, the school board should know that they have a teacher with boundary issues in their district.


OMG, yes, absolutely! Step forward and tell them. There are probably other women who could do the same but are holding back, and year after year another girl gets creeped on by this perv! Step forward because someone has to for this guy to be stopped.


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## Kronk (Dec 8, 2012)

Tell your father what is going on. If it was my daughter I would snap my leg off in his a$$.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

I smell troll, but any way you slice it, the teacher is acting very innapropriately. You are doing nothing more than encouraging him by kissing him or in any way returning his advances.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Tenured means they won't toss him just for hearsay, not that he's invincible. At the very least, the school board should know that they have a teacher with boundary issues in their district.


We tried(he was reported by multiple female students), but nothing happened. It was easier for them to act like nothing happened and he got a "slap on the wrist".


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

My take on a post like this is that the teacher mentions his wife but is not running her down thus he is trying to groom the student into a possible threesome.

I believe the peck on the cheek idea is a test to see if the teacher really is interested in a physical relationship. Either way its a bad idea. 

From time to time trolling occurs here and raises viable ethnic and etiquette questions.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> We tried(he was reported by multiple female students), but nothing happened. It was easier for them to act like nothing happened and he got a "slap on the wrist".


Sorry to hear that. Where there's smoke, there's fire. If it's only one girl, hard to tell if it's a disgruntled student or lascivious teacher. Once n > 2, it's pretty clear something is up.

This just means then when he does finally offend, there's ample ammunition for a lawsuit that I, a taxpayer, will get to fund.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Sorry to hear that. Where there's smoke, there's fire. If it's only one girl, hard to tell if it's a disgruntled student or lascivious teacher. Once n > 2, it's pretty clear something is up.
> 
> This just means then when he does finally offend, there's ample ammunition for a lawsuit that I, a taxpayer, will get to fund.


You would think that with about 5 of us all saying that he crosses the line by doing this or that, they'd take us seriously, but it never did happen. I always just avoided him at all cost. 

What is worse, is that he wasn't even the worst teacher in regards to crossing the line. Another teacher(the health teacher and basketball coach) at that school got caught having sex with one of the students and he only just got fired this year, even though this all happened several years ago. I haven't heard any news about my old math teacher, but who knows.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> We tried(he was reported by multiple female students), but nothing happened. It was easier for them to act like nothing happened and he got a "slap on the wrist".


That's shocking to me and makes me so angry. How can they just ignore multiple students? Wouldn't the parents have raised hell about it?

I guess you know where to NOT send your kids to school.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

It doesnt matter if he is interested or not OP. He is married, pledged his life to another woman. You know he is interested in you. If you wanted a validation to make a move on a married man your on the wrong site. My suggestion, back off and go chase a single guy. Leave the married one alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

I think there is general agreement there should be no intimate contact between a 55 yr old teacher and an 18 yr old student or any teacher and student for that matter and whether 55 yr olds and 18 yr olds should be together is a different discussion. 

If the OP doesn't get the message being sent to her about this, she's been warned. 
If, as some have surmised, the OP is less than what has been presented, well that happens on the net from time to time and sooner or later the fakes are often found out.

Time to close out this thread and move on.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What is it going to take to blow these creeps out of contact with our children. 

All parents need to wake up. I may be paranoid because of my experience but my kids are thoroughly instructed about what to look for. 

They know that teachers, pastors, coaches, boy and girl scout leaders are not allowed to invade their personal space. We are a constant presence in their activities. 

My kids don't go to anyone's house without one of us and we don't do sleep overs.

My policy is trust no one. Stay vigilant and keep up communication. My kids know they have a voice because I treat them with the repect and recognition. They know that they need to have a strong voice. 

There are no garentees but I know we are doing the best we can to protect them. 

Teenaged girls and boys especially need to be instructed. They are easy to manipulate and think they know everything.

Keep the lines of communication open and make sure tgey can come to mom or dad without shame when they are in over their heads. 

I don't think this is real. Just pushing everyone's button. Not nice.


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