# Is it possible to be so unhappy so soon?



## silvernblack (Jul 21, 2009)

I just got married yesterday, but honestly I'm already unhappy. There's a few issues, including money, dealing with a gang of young step children, and trying to get the house in order, but here are my two biggest issues. I tried talking to him about this, but he just doesn't see my point of view, or tries to get around having to discuss anything.

1.) My husband shows me no affection, unless he wants sex. We both work from home, but we work on different floors of the house- you'd think being home most of the day, we would see each other quite a bit, but that's not the case.

After work, while we're sitting in the bedroom watching TV, he barely speaks to me or even looks at me...it's almost like I'm not there. Until he wants to have sex, of course.

2.) His family doesn't even know we're married. We had a private ceremony, and will have a more formal reception in a few months (getting married was a spur of the moment thing). I truly feel like I'm being hidden, and it's getting to me. He's been married twice before me, and there is an age gap, so I'm thinking perhaps he figures his family just won't care, this being the third time and all.

I don't know what to do, but I do know that I can't continue like this. I spent my wedding day cooking, cleaning, and watching after a bunch of unruly kids, while my husband went off to the store. It all just sucks, and we're off to a bad start. Any advice on what to do (other than get an annulment...I want to avoid that) would be appreciated.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Why exactly did you get married? I mean, after only one day, all these issues wouldn't of showed up - they were there when you said "I do" which means they were a problem when you said "I do". I really don't have any advice other than counciling....these sorts of issues should of been worked out before you ever thought of walking down the aisle (especially with children involved). Getting married isn't a spur of the moment thing. How long have you been together total? How old are you and your SO?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I agree with TNG. There's more to this story then you've told us. Spur of the moment??? LOL!! BS!!!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

silvernblack said:


> I just got married yesterday, but honestly I'm already unhappy. There's a few issues, including money, dealing with a gang of young step children, and trying to get the house in order, but here are my two biggest issues. I tried talking to him about this, but he just doesn't see my point of view, or tries to get around having to discuss anything.
> 
> 1.) My husband shows me no affection, unless he wants sex. We both work from home, but we work on different floors of the house- you'd think being home most of the day, we would see each other quite a bit, but that's not the case.
> 
> ...



Under these circumstances with young children, debt... I wonder why you married ???? I met lots of men like this when I was single and never considered marriage with them as their lifestyle and issues were ones I did not want to bear.
Did you think getting married would change things?
If you wish to remain married.... I suggest you get some books on child development, a few aprons, and work clothing and begin the task of raising his kids and living cheaply to pay off his debt... start clipping coupons, learn how to cook from sratch, learn how to raise children and keep a household running smoothly.
I don't think getting married spur of the moment was a good idea and maybe you didn't consider how marrying a man with these debt and children issues would effect you but as long as your married to him, then now your problems too.
Whatever you do, don't complain, as what you saw is what you get. Now you just have to adjust, since you don't wish to divorce or get an annulment.


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

Add me to the list of "why did you marry him?" 

Doing chores on your wedding day sounds like a total drag, but did you expect differently? 

Whose idea was it to get married?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

silvernblack said:


> 2.) His family doesn't even know we're married. We had a private ceremony, and will have a more formal reception in a few months (getting married was a spur of the moment thing). I truly feel like I'm being hidden, and it's getting to me.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> You got married spur of the moment and just married... what do you want him to do? go to his parents house with you on his wedding day???


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## silvernblack (Jul 21, 2009)

preso said:


> Under these circumstances with young children, debt... I wonder why you married ???? I met lots of men like this when I was single and never considered marriage with them as their lifestyle and issues were ones I did not want to bear.
> Did you think getting married would change things?
> If you wish to remain married.... I suggest you get some books on child development, a few aprons, and work clothing and begin the task of raising his kids and living cheaply to pay off his debt... start clipping coupons, learn how to cook from sratch, learn how to raise children and keep a household running smoothly.
> I don't think getting married spur of the moment was a good idea and maybe you didn't consider how marrying a man with these debt and children issues would effect you but as long as your married to him, then now your problems too.
> Whatever you do, don't complain, as what you saw is what you get. Now you just have to adjust, since you don't wish to divorce or get an annulment.


I did think things would change, stupidly. I do have a choice though, and tonight I talked to him about getting a divorce. I hate that I'm becoming a statistic, but I can't be miserable the rest of my life.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

silvernblack said:


> I did think things would change, stupidly. I do have a choice though, and tonight I talked to him about getting a divorce. I hate that I'm becoming a statistic, but I can't be miserable the rest of my life.


I understand.


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