# I am Seperated and its killing me.



## ganny76 (Jun 11, 2010)

Hi from Florida. This is my first post. Me and my wife seperated a little over a week ago. We have been together for 9 years and married for 6. I have one daughter and a step daughter. Its about to kill me. Our problems started 2 1/2 years ago. One of my wifes best friend got divorced and used us to get her through it. That lasted a year. Then her other best friend got a divorce. We have been dealing with her for 1.5 years. We have been really fighting the last 6 months about all the time her friend comes over. We have a beautiful house and a beautiful pool out back and her friend comes over and they lay out and have a few drinks all the time. I come home from work and see her friends car in my drive way and it drives me nuts. Seems like my wife tries to make everyone happy all the time and by the time she gets to me she is tired. She told me last week that she loved me, but that she is not "in love" with me, so I moved out. She says she needs space one day and the next she wants a divorce. The slightest thing I do seems to tick her off now. She now seems to be resorting to hanging out more. Everything she does right now is with her friends. She is a great mom and can be the most loving wife in the world. I am trying to give her space, but cant seem to stop texting her how I feel and that is just pushing her away more. I honestly feel like I am dying on the inside. I have tried to get her to go to counseling. Told her we could stay seperated, but she says not now. She says its too late for that. What do I do?


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## InAPickle (Jun 4, 2010)

I will respond fully later when I have more time, but for now I wanted to tell you that the best thing you can do is give her that space. Deal with her regarding the kids and essential matters only. Try to give her a good taste of what life will be like without you - the sooner she gets a feel for what that would be like, the sooner she may change her tune. 

Get into individual counseling in the meantime. It will only help - both you AND your marriage. Good luck to you, and hang in there. All is not lost and it's not over til it's over!


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I am going to tell you something this will probably not make you feel better right now but I promise it is true. The first 2 weeks I thought I was going to die. After spending the last 11 years of my life talking to my H daily when he left I felt as if there was nothing left. People told me to get out and do stuff but I just couldn't physically or mentally wrap my head around it....GET OUT OF THE HOUSE it will save you right now even if it is just sitting at a book store pretending to read. 

By the 3rd week I started to be able to get out of bed and by the 4th I was able to start to think semi clear. Now I am not saying I am still NOT in pain I am and it is very real but the initial pain is like none other. I think it is probably the worse, raw pain I have ever felt. 

I am glad I did FEEL it because it allowed me to start to move on to the next step of thinking things out more clear. You need to do this because your W is going to come out of her 'fog' and you need to be thinking at least semi clear at that point. Your W right now is in a fantasy world but they do come back to reality it just depends how long. 

I completely understand having a hard time staying away texting/calling I have been there. In fact yesterday I even went as far to delete my H's number from my cell so he could only call text me. So it would be just a little harder for me to pick up the phone and text him. Give her space, work on yourself, and LIVE with out her. I know this sounds hard but you living and being happy will make yourself more attractive to her. Take this time to work on yourself read self help books. I think I spent the 1st 3weeks of my separation just reading threads on here looking for advice. 

I am going into my 5th week and yes it does suck but I promise you it does get better.


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## ganny76 (Jun 11, 2010)

Thanks for the advice. I know it will get better. It just hurts so bad. When I talk to her and she is not mad or with her friends, you can almost here it in her voice that she wants me to come home. I called her the other day to tell her how much I loved her and she started balling. If she is with her friends or mad, then it is a different story. She just always has to be the STRONG woman. She refuses to let her guard down at all. I just need to figure out how to leave her alone and only contact her about our children.


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## ganny76 (Jun 11, 2010)

One of my close friends, my wifes cousin, told me he thought my wife was having a mid life crisis. She is about to turn 36, has always been the prettiest girl in the crowd and she is showing a little age now. I googled womans mid life crisis and wow. Everything they say, its like they have been spying on my marraige for the last 6 months. Is this something that passes? Should I start planning on her divorcing me? She did agree not do get a lawyer for 6 months. I told her I did not want to rush a divorce and us both regret it 4 months from now. I never though a 35 year old would have a mid life crisis. Especially as beautiful as my wife is. What the hell. Now I am convinced counseling would help, but how do you talk someone into counseling that thinks it is over.


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## hellacious (Jun 12, 2010)

Somehow it has to get to you that all the problems cropped up when her divorced friends started hanging out with her. It probably had to do with the company that she's with, which caused all the negative energy in your marriage. However, that's immaterial right now. Just putting it out there.

At this point in your relationship, you should do what she says. You'd had your chance to say all the things that you wanted to say right so it's the best that you respect what she wants this time. If you are serious in getting back with your spouse, then it's best to learn the different ways you can save your marriage. Click on the link to learn the different ways on how to get your marriage back on track.


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