# Any successful second marriages?



## redwing_10 (Mar 29, 2012)

I have posted before about the verbal and physical abuse in my marriage. After 19 years, I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that life is too long to continue the way I have been going. My wife gives no answers or apologies regarding her threats of divorce, or verbal abuse and name called. She basically expects me to "take it" because I am a guy and not say a word to anyone. Out of sheer hurt, and frustration of knowing what to think or do, I have shared with others. She will not acknowledge or even address this issue. She does not hear what I say at all regarding this. So much so, that now, after all these years and and after the espisodes last summer, I have gone dead inside towards her. My belly is full, and I won't stand for threats or verbal name calling anymore. Really thinking of divorce this summer. I know all relationships have issues, and I am not looking to get out of this relationship and go to the next one or anything like that. I don't think the grass is greener on the other side all the time just because you are having issues now. I really think my wife has Borderline Personality Disorder. Tired, and just don't want to do it anymore. 

So, how many people were in a first marriage, realized it wasn't going to work, got out because of that, and then at some later time, found someone else they were more compatible with?


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## drifting_alone (Apr 1, 2013)

I went through a similar thing, a violent and abusive wife. After 5 years I grew a pair and left. 6 months later I met someone who was everything that the ex wasn't. She was perfect. Sadly after 13 years of marriage and 2 beautiful kid we are drifting towards divorce. 

Still, I wouldn't change what happened. Through adversity comes growth and I am a changed man, for the better.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

redwing_10 said:


> I have posted before about the verbal and physical abuse in my marriage. After 19 years, I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that life is too long to continue the way I have been going. My wife gives no answers or apologies regarding her threats of divorce, or verbal abuse and name called. She basically expects me to "take it" because I am a guy and not say a word to anyone. Out of sheer hurt, and frustration of knowing what to think or do, I have shared with others. She will not acknowledge or even address this issue. She does not hear what I say at all regarding this. So much so, that now, after all these years and and after the espisodes last summer, I have gone dead inside towards her. My belly is full, and I won't stand for threats or verbal name calling anymore. Really thinking of divorce this summer. I know all relationships have issues, and I am not looking to get out of this relationship and go to the next one or anything like that. I don't think the grass is greener on the other side all the time just because you are having issues now. I really think my wife has Borderline Personality Disorder. Tired, and just don't want to do it anymore.
> 
> So, how many people were in a first marriage, realized it wasn't going to work, got out because of that, and then at some later time, found someone else they were more compatible with?



I left my ex hb because he was a jerk that treated me like dog poop. He was also sexist and thought women were beneath him. Of course I wasn't perfect either but bottom line was that we were incompatible and ultimately looking for different things. I left him for someone else; didn't cheat and carry on behind his back, just filed for divorce and then started seeing new guy. Waited six years to marry him, wanted to be sure it wasn't a rebound and that I had time to heal. So we've now been married 2 years and together for eight years, and I still look forward to coming home to him. We are much more compatible, and ironically my ex is much happier without me. He sees our kids regularly and everyone gets along fine. In fact, we don't even abide by our visitation agreement and I voluntarily dropped his child support because my day care bills went down. Once the marriage was over and everyone healed things were much better, and our kids are doing great. Life really is too short to be miserable but people do have a hard time with change. Basic laws of inertia I suppose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## redwing_10 (Mar 29, 2012)

Lifeistooshort... I am so happy for you. I am glad to know that it can work out and that sometimes compatibility is factor and that no matter how much you try to force something it won't work.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

Sometimes bachelor life is better than the one you've got. But suffice to say there is a relatively new saying: your 2nd wife is always your favorite.


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## redwing_10 (Mar 29, 2012)

>>But suffice to say there is a relatively new saying: your 2nd wife is always your favorite.

I have never heard that. I only ask this question because I know of several men that divorced in thier 50's or so, and have a much happier life and marriage now. I wasn't sure if that was just a fluke, or if people change over time and that person who might have been right at one point in your life, might not be so right at a later age because of changes in both partners.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

redwing_10 said:


> >>But suffice to say there is a relatively new saying: your 2nd wife is always your favorite.
> 
> I have never heard that. I only ask this question because I know of several men that divorced in thier 50's or so, and have a much happier life and marriage now. I wasn't sure if that was just a fluke, or if people change over time and that person who might have been right at one point in your life, might not be so right at a later age because of changes in both partners.


Think about the history of the institution of marriage. For thousands of years you really didn't expect both parties to actually survive 20 years of marriage. Now people have multiple marriages of more than 10 years in their long lives. Maybe it's just unreasonable to think people won't tire of each other over the years.


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