# For the guys?



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Are you creative with your wives in bed? What about with your approach? Howso? I have been going above and beyond to make sure my husband is pleased but I feel like I get the same ol same ol... even when it comes to his "suggestiveness" or "initiation" while I have been much more creative in that department.... and I have found some games too... one that I thought would get him to get more creative, it was a dice game (found it on askmen.com) where you basicly play yatzee but do sexual things in place of the winnings, so I thought we could take turns writing in the things we want to do.... I only wrote 4 things down.... and then he tells me that I took the best things, and the things I wrote were totally out of the ordinary things....wth? But the game does require you to list out what you do when you roll certain numbers and I thought it would be good to have both of us pick the things.......mine were general could be done to either of us, his were things that he takes pleasure from mostly... I am also trying to get him to see that much of the time it's the same ol stuff, except me doing extra stuff to please him... I get "the usual" with the exception of an occasional extra effort with regards to a position... like even today, I know he is horny, he approaches me 15 minutes before he has to leave for work and asks me to jump on him real quick. I said no, I'll stay up and we'll have fun when you get home and told him, I found dice today we could play the game I had found.... he says oh... welll we can do both. I said uh huh, last time we did that, you were tired.... because last time I played into that, gave him BJ as he requested and he promised to get me later, he was tired, and I was **** out of luck. lol. So how do I get him to open up sexually? Be more creative? Realize that if he wants my drive and passion for him to stay up, he has to give some too? Not just take????? Or is my approach all wrong? I asked for romance months ago, mentioned it a couple times and have not gotten it, (although he did drop a hint he is planning something big for our 10 year ann. but that is 1/2 a year away) I finally just gave up on that, and thought well I will try some things to get myself more satisfied.... while heating things up for him at the same time... for instance the gloves thing was by accident I put them on with an outfit and he said he loved them... one time I touched myself with them and was like, wow, how come he never used them on me... it does feel good.....


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

oh and for the record, after he left, I did text him and said, no games tonight, just us, having fun  with a sexy smiley and a kiss. I wanted the pressure off.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don't know what the answer is but what came to mind when reading your post was to approach him with more subtlety/tease. Allow his mind to catch up and have space to conjure up ideas - particularly without the game.

You mentioned romance, and this is in line with what you're already attempting _with_ the game but something we did was to write out ideas between us. We took turns coming up with 5 ideas each. He said one idea, then I said the next. They were a combination of both purely romantic non-sexual moments and sexual interactions. It sounds geeky lol but we shuffled the ideas, then randomly picked 5 that we had to fulfill and initiate. Make sense? We spread this out over a couple of weeks. It was the first time he's written a love poem (that was an idea I'd come up with, that he'd received and so had to fulfill) and it was AMAZING! I was blown away, it was incredibly personal.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

If you want something, take it. 

You want oral? Jump on his face, and return the favor in 69. And if he takes forever for you to feel pleasured, then take a long time to give it back to him. 
Or, and be careful while doing this cause some guys may take offense, but try telling him how you want it, position wise. Or you could forcefully move yourselves into that position. 
Then make sure he knows you are having fun. If he doesn't know you are enjoying yourself, he probably won't remember it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think maybe I just have a bad attitude about this, but what i didn't like about the approach was it was kind of a pop quiz. Here, write down all your creative ideas.....your timer starts......now.

You know, they have games like this where everything is already spelled out for you. Oh, and by the way, you did take the easy answers


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## ohiodude (Jan 25, 2012)

I don't like those games at all. They don't do anything for me. What gets me going is when my wf is really interested (turned on) in having sex with me. Add in some flirtiness (if she mentions it a couple times during the day - maybe a text) and some energy and you've got my attention (in more ways than one.) 
Doesn't happen often, but that is the creativity I love.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Juicer it takes a long time for me to get off from oral because he always changes up his methods.....I've told him how I like it but he seems to forget or something, and then sometimes some ways work really good and other times, a different way works better.... I can't explain it... anyway, that type isn't going to work.... and working on me, I don't think I took the good ones, but that can be debated, I left kissing out I left touching out, I left a lot of things out that he could've added and did before I just gave up, but I see your point on the method. I won't do that again..... I thouht it would open him up a little bit.....
heartsbeating...... could you message me some more details on your approach to that method, and exactly what you did, because my dh doesn't like lists or questions... which may be now that i think of it, why he didn't like this... he liked the game idea, just not having to come up with the ideas, but see that is what bothers me, why do I have to do all of the work? He used to be romantic and creative, I'm starting to wonder if he only did that for me to marry him. lol


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

livelaughlovenow said:


> heartsbeating...... could you message me some more details on your approach to that method, and exactly what you did, because my dh doesn't like lists or questions... which may be now that i think of it, why he didn't like this... he liked the game idea, just not having to come up with the ideas, but see that is what bothers me, why do I have to do all of the work? He used to be romantic and creative, I'm starting to wonder if he only did that for me to marry him. lol


I will message you as well... just wanted to say here that I broached him with the thought of doing this and asked if he thought it was good/if he was into it. He said sure, let's give it a try! He was open to it. 

I think with creativity in general, it's often something that can't be forced, and if there's a feeling of pressure, either consciously or subconsciously he's likely to just shut down - particularly if it's not something he's into in the first place (lists and such). Creativity stems from being inspired.

I'd be directing your thinking to how YOU were in the beginning of your relationship. Maybe you had a certain way that enticed him then, on various levels, that is different to how you are now? I'm not talking lingerie and such... I mean emotionally, mentally, subtle vs obvious, that kind of thing. How do you become his muse again?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I will message you as well... just wanted to say here that I broached him with the thought of doing this and asked if he thought it was good/if he was into it. He said sure, let's give it a try! He was open to it.
> 
> I think with creativity in general, it's often something that can't be forced, and if there's a feeling of pressure, either consciously or subconsciously he's likely to just shut down - particularly if it's not something he's into in the first place (lists and such). Creativity stems from being inspired.
> 
> I'd be directing your thinking to how YOU were in the beginning of your relationship. Maybe you had a certain way that enticed him then, on various levels, that is different to how you are now? I'm not talking lingerie and such... I mean emotionally, mentally, subtle vs obvious, that kind of thing. How do you become his muse again?


Good question I have been trying to figure this out. I started by trying to be like I was before, which was definitely more sexual, more affectionate, etc.... flirtatious... more sincere in things, more loving, I've been doing all of that. I was hard to get initially, maybe he is more into that, but his complaint for years was about my low drive, I fix that problem and all I ask for in return is for some creativity and romance and I get nothing, and it's been 10 months since I fixed my issue... so we aren't talking like just a couple weeks here. I suppose I could ask him, but what did you specifically ask your spouse? "Would you be into writing down some ideas you want to try and then randomly drawing them out of a hat on nights? and I will write down some of my ideas too?" I guess that is what I am trying to figure out, what was your approach? With my dh, it seems to come down to my approach.... or his approach, like if he approaches me, he is game, like the strip poker, that was his idea, it was on the fly what was done, and I got creative, he got a little bit with regards to kisses, but it was still what I consider the usual.... I pulled out the gloves, made him close his eyes, sat reverse cowgirl, etc.... he just doesn't think outside the box to please me.... you are right, I cannot force that. That is a desire he has to have......... sigh.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

You wrote that his complaint for years was your low drive.... 10 months might seem a long time to you, but depending on your journey together over those years, could it be there's some patterns that have formed? Is it possible he now needs to 'catch up' and adjust to this renewed you? How did you "fix" your issue? What was his approach/creativity/romance like during those years? When did it start to dissipate? 

So many questions! You don't have to answer them here necessarily, but just thoughts to consider perhaps. Forgive me, I don't know your back-story. 

Well, if lists aren't to your guy's liking he won't like that approach. We were attempting to improve our sexual connection. We were both aware of this. I did just ask him... "So I came up with this idea whereby we each write down 5 ideas, they can be anything from [sexual act] to having a candle-lit dinner, then we shuffle them and pick from a hat which ideas we fulfill. What do you think?" He said sure, looked to me for guidance at first and was a bit hesitant. Time-frame was important to him, to lessen the pressure. And then it turned into a fun conversation between us. There were a few laughs with the thought that we didn't know who'd be on the giving/receiving end lol. I was prepared to write him a love poem (as that was my idea) and truly was touched that he fulfilled that one, when he got it. I never asked him about it afterwards either. He surprised me with it weeks later, and had been working on it. 

Okay, now saying that.... we've been through some lessons together after being on the edge, and the most important thing for us was to sort things outside the bedroom first. Just couldn't see it at the time. 

He prefers subtlety and tease and a slight 'chase' too. I'd lost sight of that and became very obvious. It's how I was in the beginning too. I kept him on his toes, was extremely sensual and teasing. Having a slight mystery intrigues him more than just being "out there". I'm highly flirtatious so that works for me. I enjoy it as much as he does. Although I do mix it up with being obvious too.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

livelaughlovenow said:


> I get "the usual" with the exception of an occasional extra effort with regards to a position... like even today, I know he is horny, he approaches me 15 minutes before he has to leave for work and asks me to jump on him real quick. I said no, I'll stay up and we'll have fun when you get home and told him, I found dice today we could play the game I had found.... he says oh... welll we can do both. I said uh huh, last time we did that, you were tired....


I'm nit-picking with the best of intentions...... please re-read what you have written here. I don't know how to word this without being blunt, forgive me. It doesn't come across as "inspiring". He was first rejected, then told what would happen, and then in a way, scolded for what happened last time. 

So, I wonder how things would have gone if when he asked you to jump him, you looked at him coyly, teased him with body language a little, then told him you'd be waiting for him tonight....... leave room for his imagination during the day, keep him anticipating for whatever might happen in the best possible way. My 0.02 cents. I don't have a penis but that's what I read from it.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I am always trying to be creative. I fear "the rut". Same thing, same position, same time and place. Ugh.

I'm creative about all things in our sex life. How I approach it. From romantic, sensual and slow to suprise her by throwing her down or pushing her against a wall and doing nice things to her!

The sex itself, I'm fairly regularly trying new things. New positions, a new toy, a new technique. This has brought out some things that really and truly rocks her world. I never settled for the "this works for her, so I'll keep doing it" thing. I always keep the "this works" things in my "rotation", about half to 2/3 of the time, but about 1/3 of the time, I'm trying something new. A new way to touch her, lick her, etc.

Sometimes efforts fall flat. They all can't be "home runs". But, my god, we've hit a lot of home runs, and a few of them were out of the ballpark. Had I not been this way, and she was not receptive, we'd have never discovered these things.

I do not want boredom or "the rut" in our sex life. I think that dooms a relationship to less sex. 

Her favorite thing I do just really pleases her so much that given the choice, she'd do it to the exclusion of almost everything else...at least for now. She loves it that much. We just had a talk the other day about this. We know she loves it, but I don't want it to be an everytime thing (the rut! Avoid the rut!!!), and explained to her I believe that for us there are many "homeruns" yet to be discovered if we can stay focused on keeping some kind of variety in our sex life. She agrees, but she "loves it so much, it's all she thinks about!!!".  Well, I keep doing it, but it will not be every time! Sorry dear, but I'm taking the lead on this one....no ruts!!!


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

It's all in my approach, tonight when he came home, he said what do you want to do. I was in a nighty... I just said, what do YOU want to do... and he surprised me. It was nice. I hope it continues. We talked afterwards and I told him I want more of that


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Ask your husband which hole he wants. Let him know if he is real good, you'll show him a hat trick..... 

Learn to oral well, deep if possible, and keep an open mind on analing.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I am having similar issues with the wife. I got over a porn addiction, stretching from my sophomore year of high school til I married my wife, nearly 7 years later. So I can be pretty creative. My wife used to be creative, dressing up, surprising me, now she just gets in bed and rubs her butt against me. Thanks babe could you try a little harder. I mean I have tied her up, used different furniture, tried different positions. Yet I tell her what I would like her to do to me. Yea nothing. She gets on top, uses one of three positions. Then i eventually get bored and take back over. It is like she has no inspiration anymore. I try not to be a jerk about it but anytime I bring it up i get the " you seem to like it just fine." or " I do just as much for you as you do for me." 
So i do find my self sometimes feeling like I have to always be the one to take things to a new level. It is frustrating and stressful to know that I have nothing to look forward too.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> Ask your husband which hole he wants. Let him know if he is real good, you'll show him a hat trick.....
> 
> Learn to oral well, deep if possible, and keep an open mind on analing.


We have discussed this he does not want anal at all...and I have been giving more BJs. Has nothin to do with that.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Oh, I actually read your post. In other words, I just described his side of the yahtzee cards, except worse. lol, dang.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Juicer it takes a long time for me to get off from oral because he always changes up his methods.....I've told him how I like it but he seems to forget or something, and then sometimes some ways work really good and other times, a different way works better.... I can't explain it... anyway, that type isn't going to work....


Okay. Let me start by talking about me giving oral sex to my wife, because she loves it. She loves oral sex, and when she orgasms I love how her parts contract and relax so intensely that it's visibly obvious. The orgasming is something she's done from the beginning, and it motivates me quite a bit to do that for her - it really makes me feel good, and I've noticed that in the past I haven't felt as satisfied with intercourse if I didn't do that. (That's a subject I'll get back to)

Part of the thing, though, is that she has always had ideas about how she likes it. If I only tried to do it the way she said, I'd never get her to orgasm. I've had periods in our 10 year marriage where I've done what I know works, and I've had new things that have not worked out I've tried and new things I've tried that have made it better.

Mind you, it takes a long time.. I don't pay attention anymore to how long, but I've been licking her years ago when I paid attention for 30 to 45 minutes before she'd orgasm. I'll keep going through neck soreness and not say anything, but sometimes she'll notice if I'm having a hard time maintaining my position. (Sometimes she'll think I'm having a hard time maintaining position, but in reality she's shifted.)

I think women will say that consistency is important... I will say that it is, but that doing one move from start to finish is not the best way to do it. I'll get back to that point.

See... My wife is VERY VERY sensitive. She likes sucking on her parts, but too much hard contact will overstimulate her. If she gets to the point that she's so overstimulated that she pushes my head away, usually there's no possibility of getting her to orgasm. She can enjoy some more, but it's more likely to lead to overstimulation. 

Licking is something I learned to do well, but I have some things that will do more for my wife now... The licking techniques really did work well in the beginning and it's like my old stand-by technique. I had learned to do it such that I can feel her a little on my tongue.. lighter and she'd say she couldn't feel anything. More pressure and she'd get overstimulated.

Years later, I figured out a trick that helped with the overstimulation. For most of the first 8 years of our marriage we'd settled into the 69 position, laying next to eachother on our sides. She liked other positions but usually only orgasmed from this position. Her on top for 69 felt good for her, but she couldn't stay comfortable for long enough. What I found 8 years into our relationship was that if I licked her and used my upper lip to stroke her labia a bit, the stroking of the lips calmed her down a bit and made it easier to avoid the overstimiluation.

Just this year, she started liking to have me suck on her lips.. At some point I figured out that the way she likes it the most is if she's sitting up and I lay on my side and she puts her near leg over my shoulder... This way my lips and her labia are like in parallel and she loves it. It's very close contact so it really makes a good shave important.

She still likes the licking to be mixed in.. It kind of needs to be something that gets alternated.

Another tip I've learned is that different things work better at different stages. My current opinion is that the sucking works best at the beginning. Once she's getting puffed up and aroused, the blood is filling up her parts and stuff, then start alternating and gradually increase the proportion of how much licking. 

The cycle is arousal, plateau, then there's an increasing intensity that leads to orgasm. By the time there's the increasing intensity leading to orgasm, it has to be licking of the clit because the sucking will overstimulate her.

My wife has always liked to have her labia held open during most of this. 

The nice thing about the position with my wife sitting up and me laying on my side is it makes it easy to reach her breasts as well, which she likes.


But hey, this is stuff I've mostly figured out on my own by paying attention.


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## Sporto (Jun 18, 2012)

Just show him Your orginal post! That cuts right to the chase. If he still isn't hearing you then you some how have to get his attention.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> It's all in my approach, tonight when he came home, he said what do you want to do. I was in a nighty... I just said, what do YOU want to do... and he surprised me. It was nice. I hope it continues. We talked afterwards and I told him I want more of that


I think that's what it comes down to. I've had failed ideas for sure, and I think the common thread in the failures has been how they made my wife uncomfortable because she perceived pressure.

We've had a pile of lingerie for a long time. I think I got points from my wife by throwing it almost all away. The only one she ever really liked was a pair of crotchless panties that she liked for the feeling of how they helped hold open her lips.

I once tried setting up a calendar so we could plan when and how. That worked out poorly. Scheduling hasn't worked that well for us in general, although we are scheduling a particular time every other week amongst our less scheduled sessions - this particular scheduled time being because there's a parent's night out thing at a place our kids like to go.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

WillK your post about oral totally makes sense because that is the problem I have overstimulation.... with certain methods he uses, so I showed him how to alternate slow it down, change it up, etc....I'm going to have to try the laying down 69 thing though... I think he would like that a lot and I cannot get comfortable on the top with 69 enough. (I know this just totally got off topic, but at least it was my thread to begin with) lol. 
In addtion, last night I explained more to dh after our love making about how I felt about the romance and how I have been giving him everything he asked for and how he has no complaints, but yet I still get nothing in return for my requests. He has not complaints, he said he has never been happier in every way, he just wants me to be happier. He did tell me his ideas of romance, which were grandious (sp) and I told him no, that is not what I am looking for, I am looking for the smaller things, but I don't want to tell him specific things because then I feel like he hasn't desired or wanted to do it. I explained to him the difference, and how my desire for him has increased in every way, just to even hug him, and that i don't feel his has... sexually once initiated yes, and I acknowledged him for the things he has done in that department that have improved and how much communication between us has improved. He reiterated to me what he heard (because our communication is improving) on the romance thing, and i said yes! He said I think I get it now, what i thought you wanted we cannot reasonably do right now... which he is right, what he was thinking I wanted (what you see in the movies).... lol I said no.... just to know you desire me in between and want me... 
Heartsbeating, I asked him straight out was I being too direct, he said no, he loves it, it turns him on, he loves that I go after what i want, and that was one of the things that attracted him to me initially. I gave him my number.... lol Because your messages got me thinking about if I have changed and how so...... although I did take away some things as far as being more subtle to be on his mind more to get more of that response from him in between, and even to mix it up, not always be so direct and dominant..... to let him, like last night, told him, do what you want..... I just want him to be happy and me to be happy at the same time  Thank you all so much, I really love you guys and all your help and opinions, even sometimes the ones that initially make me red in the face, those are the things i need to hear, I need to think about and the things that are the hardest to hear but the most helpful... if that makes sense.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

I wish I had time to say more, so in brief it sounds like you and I have some similarities in how we think, and as such I'd offer you the comfort of knowing we get things worked out and I'm sure you will to.

Long ago I felt kinda like you that I wanted my spouse to do more, I was saying that she wasn't being active enough and that doesn't work. It comes across as kind of like a rejection of the spouse as a person. I think it's probably not so much that we want our lovers to be more active, it's that we want to feel loved and that's our primary love language and maybe they have a different one and are expressing it differently, so we need to recognize that expression and realize regardless of how the love is communicated, the love is there after all.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

"I have been going above and beyond to make sure my husband is pleased but I feel like I get the same ol same ol.." 

YAY! a thread for me. I am right with you, girl!!


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

BTW, I decided to use the NMMNG approach with my DH and so far it seems to be working. Some of the guys on this board seem a little offended by that, though. LOL 

I am getting good traction with it, though. Really. Slow changes but there is definitely some progression.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

My attempts have not been wildly successful. She has certain issues (lights off, no oral) and defaults (she orgasms in one certain position, so we end up that way the vast majority of the time). She has opened up some, and the quantity has improved, but it has been very slow going.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

well truthfully I think a lot of the NMMNG approach works well when men game women because a lot of women seem to have hang-ups they can't get past and an Alpha male can help lead them past those issues. 

I think some women need to game their men not because of hang-ups but because I think their men have just gotten lazy ("I know I can make her cum in position X, so let's just default to position X once I get mine".) 

I do think that's a little unfair, esp if you are the type of woman willing to do anything any time for her man, whether he asks for it or not. If I'm going the extra mile he should also, at least 1/2 the time.


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