# thoughts on timing of telling kids



## mk50 (Jan 24, 2014)

Wife and I are going to seperate. I wont bore you with all details, they are in other posts. Needless to say, there are some major issues that we feel we need to split up and work on. Whether that leads to D or R we will find out but we know that we need to have a healthy relationship no matter what since we will always be in each others lives as co-parents. She will be moving in with her mother, so that her and my daughter can share a room and my son can have his own room. We plan on alternating weeks with the kids. My issue is that right now we have agreed to stay in the same house, same bed until summer so as not to upset the kids routine. We can get along fine in the home, there is just that undercurrent at night when I want to reach out and comfort her but one of our boundaries is no cuddling unless she initiates it. I am interested in what people think, should we tell them within a few weeks and have them have that structure of school, or wait until summer so it wont disrupt their school year. Both my kids I know will have heavy stomach issues that will lead to them missing days. Some thoughts please.


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## 1812overture (Nov 25, 2013)

Since you asked for thoughts, I've got thoughts. They aren't answers, though.

I think staying in the same house, same bed as your wife who is having an affair is a bad idea. Sleep on the couch, a guest room, or best yet, get your own apartment. Hell, even if you come back every morning and leave every night, don't share her bed.

The kids will wonder about the strange arrangement, and you can tell them it is temporary -- that you aren't sure what comes next. Then tell them you think in the summer mom will move in with grandma and the kids will split time between the house and grandma's.

I think starting to prepare them while school is in session is a good idea -- there's a support network for the kids, and a routine to look to. 

I worry about you, though. You are making a huge sacrifice "for the kids(?)" while hoping you can save your marriage. This guys is a family friend? Tell him to stay away from your wife, even after you move out. And tell his family. And tell the same thing to your wife and her family. 

Then build your own new life.

Sorry for the dilemma you are in. I admire the sacrifice you are wiling to make for your kids, but I think it is unwise. Move out now., with a written agreement that the wife moves out in the summer. Get a lawyer to look at it.


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

We are going through the same sort of situation and feeling it out as we go. We have a 5 year old and a 19 month old.

Our plan is similar, wait until after the school year is over and then move on. We really do not see any sense in disrupting our daughters year with our issues. We too are staying in the same home and sleeping in the same bed. We do not have any issues of infidelity, just issues where we know we are not right for each other anymore (12 years later!)

If you two have a clearly laid out plan and you can stick to it then go for it! If sleeping in the bed with her is going to make either of you question what you have laid out then it has to stop. If you two are at the point where you are hanging out and being around each other without drama then it shouldn't be an issue but if you are missing sleep then go to the couch.

We plan on not telling our daughter until the summer but we are slowly working our way into it by staying nights apart at another property.


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