# Need serious advise ladies plzzz



## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

I have been married 7 years together for 10 she was young and younger then i when we got married. I over the last couple years became stuck in a game called world of warcraft let myself become a jerk and worse i neglected her and my kids doing this i lost her trust she kicked me out over a year ago for the same thing.. only asked i cut back on it and i did things went well she got pregnant now we have a 6 month old daughter and a 4 year old son and i lost her trust and she kicked me out over 2 months ago i pressured her and by what i have gathered that was the wrong thing to do since i started that path i have pushed her further away and she is set in her head to divorce and i dont have the heart to just give up 

i love her and my kids so much and have took a lot of steps to change for the better for all of us , she sees the changes but doesnt think they will last i no in my heart they will but she will not give me a 2nd or last chance either, to her even being near her almost seems to hurt her when i try to talk she crys and gets upset ,
we have a mutual friend that she tells that she is confused but is set on this path as well jumps back and forth yet she is set on this and i have made it worse by writing and so forth almost everyday i feel like i need to tell her and talk i no she sees the changes but i feel like she wont give it a chance if i dont keep saying something ,but now on top of that she tells this friend she isnt confused that its just over and done and that too is like wow what is going on here
but im backing off now and plan to ask her for a new begining with a exspensive ring in about a month that way she has time to cool off . what advise can you give me here and am i making another mistake by trying to do that ?? she hasnt filed yet but that due to money she dont have and i wont give it to her cause i am looking for any time i have left to her to prove things can be different yet she only wants to be friends and that is were its hard cause even with that she dont want to spend no time talking or around each other and my son even desperatly wants me home , i was a jerk in all of this but no i can do the right things now that i have been kicked out and realize the gravity of it all....
NEED SERIOUS ADVISE PLZZZZ


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## Girl33 (Nov 27, 2009)

I only read the first part of this and it got my attention because of the World of Warcraft part. Well, one of my best friends just got a divorce this month and it started with this game obsession. My husband wanted to start playing it but I told him if got on it one time I would leave his ass. So he never did... 
Back to the story, my friend said she would come home from work and her husband would be playing this game day and night playing every chance he got when he was not working. He started cutting off his son and his wife because he got SO into this game. I also have heard about this game on tv and it causing marriage problems and divorce sadly enough. Well, my friend decided while he was at work one day to get on his computer and chack out this game. Then she found these messages from a girl he had been talking to on this game. She looked in his email and found nude pics of her and them talking back and fourth on how they want to meet up. She confronted him after he got home and things went from bad to worse.. he was mad because she was prying into his stuff and then she started losing trust in her husband. She then started checking his phone, email, ect.. Well, she did a bad thing though after this and started seeing someone else.. then come to find out he did also. So now they are divorced. BUT it all started because of this stupid game... because they had trust and a happy marriage before he starting playing this game.


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## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

please people id love to hear more advise and opinions and this please i am seriously in need of help and support here anyone with any real suggestions and or advise and such would be greatly appreciated..


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

If she believes that your changes won't last, that it'll all fall apart again, then that's your problem. You can't promise that they'll last forever, because you don't know the future. And if you _do_ make such a promise, she'll interpret that as you ignoring or dismissing her concerns. People don't react well to that.

What most people want when they have complaints is to know that (a) they have been heard and taken seriously, and (b) that there is something being done. That's what gives people hope. Being told that the problem is over forever, when everyone involved knows it might come back, breaks part (a).

It sounds like your WoW habit took away lots of her decision making power: you did what you wanted and ignored her. So
I'm not crazy about the expensive ring idea: isn't that just you making a decision about spending money that she has no input to? Think back: what has she said _she_ wants? A porch for the house? New carpets? Has she expressed concern about the financial future? If she's expressed concern for the kids, maybe putting a bunch of money into a college fund for each of the kids would demonstrate that you recognize what _she_ considers important and that you take seriously her concerns.


If I were in your spot, the tack I would take is something along these lines: "I haven't always been there for you, and I haven't treated you the way a husband should treat his wife. When we got married, I knew things wouldn't be perfect, but I hoped to grow; to become more than I was. Each anniversary, I wanted to be a better husband than I had been the year before. That's a goal I didn't make. But it is still what I want. I don't know exactly how it went wrong, or how I lost sight of that. But I want to build a marriage that's strong, and passionate, and lasts for years. And I want to build that marriage with you. It's not going to be perfect, but the mistakes I've made are mistakes I know to avoid. If we do this together, the new mistakes won't be as bad as the old ones. I want our kids to live with both their parents. And I know we'll make mistakes as parents, but together we can find our way through their growing up, and their teenage years, and eventually _their_ marriages.

I haven't done right by you, and I know it. But with your help, I've gotten past that addictive game; I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making up my past mistakes and growing into the kind of husband you deserved all along."

And I would back it up by thinking about everything she'd ever said about anything that concerned her, and taking steps to address those concerns. Is her car getting old and unsafe? A thorough inspection and servicing at the dealer, followed by a complete professional wash/wax/vacuum treatment might be in order. How are the appliances in the house, and the roof, and the siding? Would an energy-efficiency analysis be a good idea? Or maybe scouting out new houses in other areas if she's expressed concern about the schools?

Think about what _she_ wants and needs out of the relationship that she hasn't gotten, and then demonstrate through action, as you express through words, that you're committed to taking care of those wants and needs.


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