# contemplating divorce over $$ issues?



## Brokenbear (Mar 14, 2011)

Ok so I have posted here before about my hubby who seems to enjoy going along for the ride, me working my ass off and him basically living it up on my money..

but I am wondering, would others consider divorce or has anyone gone through this situation before? I am questioning what the point is in being married to someone who is soley OBSESSED with money?? And if so, what to do about it? how do you change someones mind/attitude or how do you put up with it? where do you draw the line? and how do you communicate with your spouse about your hurt and angry feelings without sounding like a *****/nag or sounding crazy because you chose your health and sanity over being well off and having abit more cash??

It seems like no matter what I do or what we need to spend $$ on he is not willing to chip in or will need extreme nagging before he will contribute his share of $$ to the event/cost etc. I am fine with the fact that he wants to save $ for our future, to have children etc. But what I absolutely cant handle is the questioning and the stress in relation to everything coming back to money.

I am currently in a job which I absolutely hate, I am getting sexually harrassed and emotionally and sometimes physically abused at my current job and the ONLY positive is that my job is extremely well paid. (I am a youth worker that provides 24 hour care for a young man with severe behavioural issues..)

I have just had an interview for another position which would benefit me in many ways - better for mental and physical health, less travel costs, get holidays like xmas off, regular shifts (9-5 mon-fri work), steady non variable income, good clients who are not violent, means i can have a social life and get back to playing sport as i am able to committ, provides maternity leave if we have kids etc etc

So i can see MANY benefits from this job. I had explained these to my H and have also been complaining alot for the last 6 months about how unhappy i am with my current job and expressed desire for this new role.

today when talking about it H says "whats the salary like" I replied "it's a lot less than what Im getting now but.." and got cut off by him saying "whats the point then? might as well stay where you are"

I feel like he is completely disregarding anything i have spoken to him about and as i think i have previously mentioned he is quite happy for me to do something i dont want to do in terms of work and is happy to send me thousands of miles away to work in the mines just so i can earn big bucks but he is not willing to make any of these sacrifices or do the same? He is now not happy about the job i have just had an interview for and thinks i should remain in my current job just because the $ is better.

We have spoken about this before and he is adamant that i should not quit my current job as quote "we need the $" (which we do not, he makes HEAPS! enough to provide for both of us and still save). he is willing to send me to a work environment where there is a good chance i could be raped, attacked and or killed by my client just because he wants more $$. and now I have a FANTASTIC work opportunity but he is not happy because its not enough $$ for him. 

I am at my wits end!! All i can think about now is getting out of this relationship. this is such an unhealthy perspective IMHO that you would allow your wife to work somewhere she is at risk of harm, damaging her mental health and making her feel like crap all so you can get some great $$ from her? WTF?

I don't know what to do anymore. I have lived with the questioning and bull**** over money issues for two years now and he has not changed. We are only in early days of our marriage but i really cant take it anymore. What is more important to me is happiness and health and i am certainly not at all happy living with a massive stinge who not only wont spend his own money but argues with me about how i spend mine and tell me what i should/shouldnt do in regards to MY career.

A marriage is a two way road and i feel like there is no room left on this road for me, it is all about his wants, his needs etc.. At least thats how it feels to me 90% of the time..

Help?!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bear,
This isn't going to change. His priorities are broken. A man who loved you by any "normal" definition of the word would be encouraging you to switch jobs. 




Brokenbear said:


> Ok so I have posted here before about my hubby who seems to enjoy going along for the ride, me working my ass off and him basically living it up on my money..
> 
> but I am wondering, would others consider divorce or has anyone gone through this situation before? I am questioning what the point is in being married to someone who is soley OBSESSED with money?? And if so, what to do about it? how do you change someones mind/attitude or how do you put up with it? where do you draw the line? and how do you communicate with your spouse about your hurt and angry feelings without sounding like a *****/nag or sounding crazy because you chose your health and sanity over being well off and having abit more cash??
> 
> ...


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

You are in a tough position. 

In my marriage, I am conservative with the finances and my husband is the spendy one, but I can tell you that he is ALWAYS supportive of me if I want to quit my job because it is not the right job or I am unhappy. It doesn't matter if I am going to make less money by switching, etc. he will back me up if I am not happy with the job. 

So I am finding it hard to imagine that your husband doesn't want you to be in a better, happier job just because it pays less. Isn't it better to be satisfied with your work and to be SAFE?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I don't know if he can change or not, but it seems time to make some serious decisions. Have y'all ever been to counciling? This may call for if he's not willing to hear what you are saying. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think if you want a better job that pays less but gives you more of the life you would like to have, that is what you should do. Then you can see how he reacts to change. I don't think you give up your right to job choice because you are married. You hve a right to decide what to do with your body. This includes in marriage and in employment.


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## lastradas (Oct 14, 2011)

> he is willing to send me to a work environment where there is a good chance i could be raped, attacked and or killed by my client just because he wants more $$. and now I have a FANTASTIC work opportunity but he is not happy because its not enough $$ for him.


I'm sorry, I'm not quite clear why "he's sending" you and more importantly, why you let him "send' you. Last I checked, you're an adult and can choose where you work. 

What is he going to do if you take the new job? Divorce you?

Don't get me wrong. I am totally on your side. But just listen to yourself. It's not just that you don't love your job (in which I case I, to a certain extent, may understand your husband's reaction) but it's right out endangering your life.
Do you really need to think about whether you should take the new job?


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## ~TheOptimist~ (Jun 14, 2011)

I agree with _lastradas_. 
If you think you are having troubles deciding whether you should divorce your husband or not, you should take the job that you want and see what happens. 
If things continue to be the same or get worse, then you probably know the answer to this one. Either that, or he will decide he does not want to be with you since you have a lower paying job. 
IMO, I think it's rather crazy that he'd rather have more money than have you be safe at work. I think that's more than just a "money issue". That's saying a lot about his character.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

You definitely should do what makes you happy. If you end up with less pay, but you're happy and you're willing to adjust your lifestyle, then so be it. If he's not pitching in, he really has no say so in how you choose to make money (no unless is immoral.) If he wants a higher quality of life, he needs to contribute to that, other than that, he's not freely living and being entertained on my dime.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think if you want a better job that pays less but gives you more of the life you would like to have, that is what you should do. Then you can see how he reacts to change. I don't think you give up your right to job choice because you are married. You hve a right to decide what to do with your body. This includes in marriage and in employment.


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