# Just Had Baby. Want To Move My Family. Wife Doesn't.



## Optimism-Prime (Mar 4, 2012)

My wife & I are in our early 30's. We've been together for almost 12 years and have been married for less than a year. We have a 3 month old baby. We live in an extremely expensive area of the North East and I would like to move my family down South where I am from. I am the only one working (which is fine by me because I'm all about her being at home with the baby) but I have pulled the weight financially for the last 5 years. We have moved from apartment to apartment every year and this is something that I want to change now that we have a baby. A little stability would be nice. Up here we barely make ends meet because of the high cost of living but down south would drastically change our quality of life and we would be able to afford a house. Here's the problem. Her family lives up here and she is very adamant about not leaving them even though this is her only reason. My parents live in Florida and beyond the financial gain of moving, it would also be halfway between both parents which would make it easier for the baby to have a relationship with both sets of grandparents. I admit that I brought the whole idea up of moving a little early on as far as her being a new mother and getting her bearings but I'm so very passionate about making things happen for us and our future. The whole thing has spun out of control and now we are at the point of a possible separation. Am I wrong for wanting to make this move for my family?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Of course you are not wrong for wanting to move your family south. Do you already have a job lined up? Or are you thinking of moving and then looking for a job once you are there?
Your wife is also not wrong for not wanting to move.

You both have good reasons for your choices. Neither is wrong and neither is ‘more’ right.

In order to make a change as huge as moving, the both of you have to agree on it.

If you are struggling so much financially where you are, I think it would be wise for your wife to work as well. Moving every year is not good and as your child gets older, the child will need more stability for school and friends.

When your wife talks about separation/divorce does she acknowledge that she will have to get a job and support herself? That there might be child support but that she will have to work?

You did bring the topic up at a very bad time. She is hardly settled in with a 3 month old baby.

I think you need to back off on this and let things calm down and let her adjust to the baby and get over her pregnancy.

There is time.


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## Optimism-Prime (Mar 4, 2012)

Hi, thanks for the reply. I am self employed and can work from anywhere so that's not the issue. It's the cost of living and overall quality of life that will be better. I guess what I didn't mention is that her family is one of total enmeshment all revolving around the mom. They are happy with a minimalist lifestyle and on top of that my wife has anxiety that is only enabled by them. More than being able to buy a house, the quality of life, stability and cost of living would be getting her out of this 'bubble' that she's been in for years. She does acknowledge about getting a job and supporting herself but I don't think the reality has really set in. Our lease has been broken and because of what's happened I may have no choice but to go (and of course I want her to come with) at the end of the month. Does that shed any more light?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you go because of the borken lease, what will your wife do? Will she stay behind with your child? Where will she live?

Why couldn't you find a place locally where you are to keep your family together?

You do have a real situation on your hands.

since you can work from anywhere, it would make sense that she could go with you and see if she can find a way to live where you want to move.

How long of a trip is it to visit from the place you want to live to where here parents are?


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

Honestly, I'd probably be the same as your wife. However, in order for her to justify that, she should return to work in a few months. 

It's far too soon to move them anyway. 3 months! She's had a million hormones wash through her body, she needs to be near her family, where she receives immediate support for herself and the baby. I understand her and think her point-of-view is more important at this stage of early motherhood. 

I'd suggest that in 6-9 months' time, once her body and emotions have returned to normal, you discuss a faraway move all over again: either she works and you both contribute to the family income in order to stay where you are, or you move to a cheaper area far away. That would make it fair. If you make her go now, she will be very resentful and will lose her support network at a vulnerable time of life.


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