# Heartbroken and numb with grief



## Youfirst (Dec 14, 2009)

My wife and i first started dating back in 2005.
We had a previous relationship in 2003, and i had thought about her every day since, till the day we reconnected.
We recently got married in 2008, the happiest day of my life.
Cutting to now, her half brother died, and understandably, this devastated her.
Her family came in from out of town, and was staying at our house. Her Mom and Dad,older sister with her 2 kids, and younger sister.
Her 2 sisters were fighting because the younger one was trying to discipline the kids, but going about it the wrong way.
Her father can be very hot headed, and a strict man, and had just left when the sisters were fighting.
Anyhow, cutting to the chase, My wife and i were home alone, and i friend of mine that new of my misery at home called to ask how things were going, how i was handleing everything.
So my wife overhears me tell my buddy 3 things, that were supposedly the last straw.
1. kids are bouncing off the walls and theres alot of bs fighting and drama.
2. Im walking on eggshels, and trying to be minimal, because her father is "unstable."
3. They all had been drinking the night before. Her dad especially.
Anyhow, i can hear her starting to curse outloud, saying how that was the last straw.
For the next 4 nights, she doesnt come to bed.
She wont talk to me. I try to ask her whats going on, and all she would say was "i dont want to discuss it now."
It was a totla breakdown of communication for four solid days.
Early Monday morning, she takes her parents back to the airport.
I see her sleeping on the couch on my way to work, and give her a kiss on the check, and tell her "i love you."
Again, for the 4th day in a row, she doesn't say anything.
It was the worse four days of my life.
I call her around noon during lunch.
I tell her over the phone "the last four days, ive never felt further from you in my life. Its been the worse 4 days of my life. Something drastic has to change.
She tells me, dont worry something will change.
On the way home from work, i give her a call, and she says she'll be home in about an hour.
I ask where are you?
She says she doesnt want to talk about it.
She goes on to say, "ok, lets do this over the phone."
She then goes(STILL EDITING. WORKING ON THIS WHEN I CAN, BITS AT A TIME. tOO BE CONTINUED)
what was really going on was she was working on finding a house 30 some miles away from our home and her work.
This was done in secret, she didnt tell me about it till the day her parents left to fly back home.


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## betrayed81 (Dec 11, 2009)

Ok that doesnt make any sense for her to jump to such a crazy thing like leavin you over somthin lil like that theres got 2 be alot bigger reason y she wants out and u need 2 figure that out quick rather than later trust me!

do suspect adultrey at all or has ur relationship been having alot of problems cuz that sound weird and doesnt add up!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

It sounds like your wife is dealing with a lot of emotions right now and she's not sure how to handle them all. I know it's confusing and painful for you. But I would suggest that you give her space. Don't discuss the relationship or her plans. She may just need to blow some steam and test if you are willing to let her do so. Give her some time before you decide it's the worst of situations.


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## Paul Bennett (Dec 15, 2009)

Dear YouFirst,

Do you have the ability to listen to everything your wife has to say to you, when she is ready to say it? At first, she was instinctively doing something wise, by not speaking about it when she was enraged. She may be stuck now, because she doesn't know how to start saying what's really going on. 

You can do this: you can make it very clear, without blaming her for anything, that you think she has something she wants to say to you, and that you are ready to hear it, on her terms, when she's ready to speak. 

Then, when she does start talking, there is nothing for you to do but listen, very closely, without defending yourself or explaining or deflecting anything. Some very smart people have found that there is one thing to say in these situations, and it has magical powers: "Is there more?"

If you say only that, nothing more and nothing less, eventually you will begin hearing things about your wife that you never knew, and she probably didn't either. And when you ask, for the umpteenth time, "Is there more?", and she has nothing more, the two of you will be in a place where you can create a marriage that was not possible before. 

Wishing you the best.


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