# Wait or Do It?



## Melda (Sep 21, 2017)

I've been considering a divorce a lot lately. My husband has a drinking and drug problem, but won't admit it. We have a special needs son who needs constant therapies and doctor's visits, and I'm the only one that deals with it. We're self-employed and work together, with him in the front of the house and me the back of the house. As of 8 months or so, he's begun to walk out of work to go partying. He stays out drinking and doing drugs for up to 4 days. He doesn't call, he doesn't go to work, and he's the one who pays for everything (bank statements) when he's out partying. While he's out, I'm alone to care for my son (no babysitter), deal with his therapies and doctor's visits, run the entire business, and care for the home. Yet, he claims that if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have anything and that I can't handle it. Im extremely stressed out. I've been doing everything by myself, but I don't know if I can keep it up. His only help is being at work so that I can take my son where he needs to be. It feels like I've been doing the single mother thing for a while now and maybe I should make it official..? But will I manage or is he right? Maybe I do need him even if he doesn't help with anything, other than keeping an eye at work... But even at work, he gives away drinks to his employees because they're hungover from drinking with him the night before... His words of "you're useless" or "you can't do it without me" keep ringing in my ears. I'm just tired of not knowing what to do


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Do it don't wait. He is being abusive . Talk a.lawyer right away....see if you can get him to leave immediately because he poses a danger to the child. ..

Good luck..dont listen to his ****. He is just trying to keep you down so he can control you.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Abandonment of family, get a lawyer & move forward.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Why do you believe a word he says? The words that he is speaking to you are lies. He is using abusive language to put you down and make you think you need him. He does this so he can continue to live off of you and for you to handle his personal responsibilities.

Based on what you said, he is an irresponsible man. What he is doing is downright abusive. Even if you need someone to help with the business, it doesn't have to be him. Would you hire someone like him? I don't think you would.


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## Melda (Sep 21, 2017)

I guess I'm keeping hope that things will go back to the way they used to be. But, I know I'm lying to myself. I spoke to a lawyer this week and have an idea of what things will be like if I file now. My best option right now is to find a replacement for him at work and file once that's done. I know he's going to make things nearly impossible once I file...


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Melda said:


> I guess I'm keeping hope that things will go back to the way they used to be. But, I know I'm lying to myself. I spoke to a lawyer this week and have an idea of what things will be like if I file now. My best option right now is to find a replacement for him at work and file once that's done. I know he's going to make things nearly impossible once I file...


Well duh. He doesn't want to suffer the consequences of divorce, so he'll make your life difficult so you'll change your mind or hesitate, like you're doing now.

Full steam ahead. He's not above the law. And you need to look out for your son, because he clearly has no care to. I'm sorry for that reality, but you need to stop feeling helpless and get out of a situation that nets you and your son nothing but abuse.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't wait.


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## Allura2.0 (Jun 14, 2017)

I can relate. My daughter had a feeding tube at 2 1/2. She was in feeding therapy for over a year and a half. I did everything. I went to all the hospital visits. I did all her therapy sessions. He did nothing. There are more stories I could tell. He has abused drugs for years. Cheated on me twice. He went from not coming home a day or two a week to not sleeping at the house at all. I take care of our daughter 100% of the time. I want to leave but I feel like I can't support myself on my own without him right now. I have no family in the state we live in. I was a homemaker and scrambled for a job because he financially has put us in a hole. The job doesn't pay well. I feel stuck at the moment till I can find a better job. I too am a married but "single" mother. I tell you my story because it took 3 therapist to finally convince me all of this is not my fault. It's his. The last therapist told me, after meeting with my husband, that he is a narcissist. Sounds like your husband has these qualities too. Read up about about it. Lots of material on YouTube about it. Main lesson to learn is that Narcissist don't change. It's very few and far between when they do. I want out so bad. I can't wait to leave him. I suggest you do it as soon as you can. Good luck. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Any progress, @Melda?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*He's done an awfully good job of disrespecting you and your son!

Well past time for you to go visit with a good family attorney for what I'd call as "the inevitable!"!*


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## Melda (Sep 21, 2017)

I've spoken with a lawyer and started to separate what we've built together. He's unaware of everything and I'm going to keep it like this until it's done. I've considered what is my best option with the lawyer and we're in mutual understanding. There's less than a year left on the building's lease where we currently work. That's my timeline. 

He has stopped using as far as I know. He hasn't gone on his binges and he's been coming home every night. However, I doubt that this will continue for much longer. Guess I'll find out in a matter of weeks.
@Allura2.0, it's hard. I'm constantly stressing over all his appointments and trying to balance my personal and work life. At times I feel like I'm the worst mother. It doesn't help that my husband said that what my son needed was a different mother.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Melda said:


> I've spoken with a lawyer and started to separate what we've built together. He's unaware of everything and I'm going to keep it like this until it's done. I've considered what is my best option with the lawyer and we're in mutual understanding. There's less than a year left on the building's lease where we currently work. That's my timeline.
> 
> He has stopped using as far as I know. He hasn't gone on his binges and he's been coming home every night. However, I doubt that this will continue for much longer. Guess I'll find out in a matter of weeks.
> 
> @Allura2.0, it's hard. I'm constantly stressing over all his appointments and trying to balance my personal and work life. At times I feel like I'm the worst mother. *It doesn't help that my husband said that what my son needed was a different mother.*


Why would his word mean anything at all?


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