# Im an A**hole!



## phillybrokenheart

So my STBXH showed up at my house last night at 3 in the morning. He had no place to go, so he came here. 

I let him in. Hence the Title of my thread.

He wanted to talk. I said no, there was no point in talking since he obviously was not in his right state of mind. I told him to sleep it off and that I would wake him early so he could get out of here before my daughter got up.

As he was leaving this morning, he was saying that he didnt know where he was gonna stay. I told him that last night was a one shot deal, Im not his crash pad.

After he got to work, he texted me about 8 times in a row with everything from please to Im begging you for help.

He called on his break, I told him to check himself into rehab. He gave me every excuse he had of why he can't.

I told him I dont what else to say. 

Sorry, I know this has no point, just needed to vent. I called in work to say I was "working from home" today but all I can seem to do is sit on the couch and stare. My mind is blank.

So I called my counselor, waiting on a call back from her and figured Id make a post.


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## YinPrincess

You did the right thing... Hoping the best for you both... Sounds like he really needs some help!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

You did do the right thing. By letting him stay you are being codependent and allowing the substance abuse. He needs to learn on his own and help himself.

I'm very sorry your going through this. My ex h was a heavy pot smoker, I never smoked it in my life. I'm quite against it actually(no offense to others, but it IS illegal). My ex still smokes it 17-18 years later and it is havoc on the brain! My ex is one nasty person!


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## that_girl

You are in the right.

NOT an assh0le.

You did good. He can only help himself. You cannot save him. You are nicer than i am, i would have turned him away last night.


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## GreenEyes

I think that you are totally right in not letting him stay. He needs to get help for himself and you don't need his presence there hindering your progress in moving on....I wouldn't feel bad or anything, he needs help and only he can help himself....


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## par4

Did you say yesterday that you were not going to let him in? Was this the same man you met at a bar after dropping off your daughter?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybrokenheart

par4 said:


> Did you say yesterday that you were not going to let him in? Was this the same man you met at a bar after dropping off your daughter?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


YEP! Thats what Im referring to when I say Im an *******...


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## par4

Looks like you have some things to learn. May I ask how old you are and the number of kids? Are you self supporting?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Wait, you said STBXH....you met him in a bar after dropping daughter off? I'm confused. lol.

You're still not an assh0le.


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## par4

She was reaching out for the same thing yesterday
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybrokenheart

par4 said:


> Looks like you have some things to learn. May I ask how old you are and the number of kids? Are you self supporting?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd say I do! I am 38 yrs old, I have one child, my daughter who is 8 yrs old, and yes I am self supporting.

I also support my parents (complications from a bad divorce - my 1st divorce). I am the daughter and sister of lifelong drug addicts, my 1st husband was a drug addict and gambler. I'd say I have some serious issues!


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## phillybrokenheart

that_girl said:


> Wait, you said STBXH....you met him in a bar after dropping daughter off? I'm confused. lol.
> 
> You're still not an assh0le.


Yeah, he called me yesterday in a binge again. It was in my blog yesterday "tough day with STBXH".


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## that_girl

Are you in therapy?

I suggest it. Get a handle on your issues so you stop repeating the patterns.


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## Cherry

phillybrokenheart said:


> He called on his break, I told him to check himself into rehab. He gave me every excuse he had of why he can't.
> 
> I told him I dont what else to say.


You did good. Stick to your guns Philly! A little slip up letting him stay at your place, but overall you did the right thing!


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## par4

Wait a minute Cherry, sticking to your guns is when you dont let him come over
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Stop beating her up, Par. Geebus. Hopefully she learned her lesson.


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## Cherry

par4 said:


> Wait a minute Cherry, sticking to your guns is when you dont let him come over
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Touche  And the next day Philly got her head back on straight


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## Kurosity

Good job not being totally sucked back into the codependent crap with your stx. I am sure that was extreamly hard to do but you did!!! 

I would not worry about the letting him in the one time. Call it a relapse and get back into the wagon (so to speak) Don't beat your self up over it. You did what is one of the hardest things ever to do. To Not be the rescuer!

I admire your ability to stick to it. It is a progressive learned thing so each step away from it will help you in the future!


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## phillybrokenheart

that_girl said:


> Stop beating her up, Par. Geebus. Hopefully she learned her lesson.


Lol, its ok, but thanks anyhow  I can handle it, and I need it! I do feel like it was a very bad choice on my part. It was basically setting me back to square one. 

Ive had an awful day today because of opening that door last night. Ive been called and texted so many times, I have a splitting migraine and the days only have done! But there is NO ONE I can blame for the torment that followed today but myself! 

And yet still, I sit here and pray that I am strong enough to be cold enough to continuing ignoring it all.

???


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## phillybrokenheart

Cherry said:


> Touche  And the next day Philly got her head back on straight


Thanks


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## phillybrokenheart

Kurosity said:


> Good job not being totally sucked back into the codependent crap with your stx. I am sure that was extreamly hard to do but you did!!!
> 
> I would not worry about the letting him in the one time. Call it a relapse and get back into the wagon (so to speak) Don't beat your self up over it. You did what is one of the hardest things ever to do. To Not be the rescuer!
> 
> I admire your ability to stick to it. It is a progressive learned thing so each step away from it will help you in the future!


Thanks, I will look at it that way!


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## phillybrokenheart

par4 said:


> Wait a minute Cherry, sticking to your guns is when you dont let him come over
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Par4 - I dont get upset at any feedback, thats what this forum is all about! Like I said earlier, we need the "blunt" stuff just as much as we need the understanding.

(Some of us may need it drilled into our heads more times than others, lol, but hopefully one day it will all sink it)

Thanks


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## endlessgrief

Don't be so hard on yourself, you loved this man once. Tough love isn't just tough on the other person, it's tough on you as well. 

Good job in standing your ground. I completely understand the being numb thing. Sometimes when our emotions go bonkers, it is better just to sit and stare, kinda like a robot going into sleep mode.


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