# DW says she's not happy



## jasun (Jul 18, 2012)

Well last Tuesday I got a bomb shell dropped on me... My wife of almost 5 years tells me she is not happy in this relationship and that a part of her will always love me.... ouch... 

She had been acting weird for a while now and I asked her about 2 weeks ago if everything was ok... she said that she knew something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. 

She went to FL for 3 days by herself and when she came back, told me. I asked her if there was anyone esle and she said no... and if you knew her like I did, you would not even question it.... 

We have a 3 year old Daughter and my wife told me that she was happier with it was just her and our daughter... i had been traveling about every other week for 3 months from Feb - April, but was only gone for 3 days at a time during the week... 

Most recently, her sister moved in with her family as they had sold their house and were waiting to close on another one. She told me that they moved in is when she started realize her feelings were true... 

We seldom fight, though our relationship is different... We spend time as a family, but we do not have much in common. We rarely go to the movies together and have taken 1 family vacation in these past 5 years. 

I said to her about going to couseling and she said if she thought it would help, that she would. She is a very closed person and it is very difficult to get her to open up about anything. After she told me, I sent her an e-mail telling her how I feel and she replied back with more then she ever would have told me... She doesn't think a couselor is going to be able to get her to talk.... 

I am thinking of going by myself and see if it is something that I have done... even though she swears that i have not done anything... and she told me...

"who wouldn't want someone like you? And I ask myself that all the time. I like to think I am one of the luckiest girls ever to have you, so why can't I be happy? And I said it last night and will say it again, it is nothing you have or haven't done or said, and its just me"

my problem is that I dont know how much I can fault her... I have been in relationships before where it just gets lost... I had dated people in the past that it was never anything that they did, but I just wasn't happy in that relationship anymore...
having a Child makes it a lot more difficult... 

I dont really know what I am asking, but at this point, I really dont know where to go....


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Has she always been this way? How long have yall been married? Ages?


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## jasun (Jul 18, 2012)

she has never been one to show much emotion in the relationship... always closed where I seem to be more the "girl" (no offense ladies)... 

We will be married for 5 years this fall. I am 31 and she is 25


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

My guess is that her life is not what she thought it would be at 25. She married at 20 and now she's 25 with a 3 year old and a husband to take care of. 

Are her friends in similar situations? If not, she's probably looking at their lives and wishing hers was like that.

Have you two tried IC/MC?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Have you considered a chemical inbalance? That could be causing her to have depression. She needs to go to a doctor and get checked out.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

The sister! Well when I read this part it caught my eye, because usually when someone starts to detach, they are either in a PA, an EA or a friend or family is supporting the marriage breakdown.

This third party usually supports and does not challenge wayward thinking and in some cases encourages it. My wife became wayward at the same time her close sister that she works with was breaking off another relationship (4th in our marriage). 

Don't be so sure she was alone in Florida. Cheaters never tell the truth when you ask them. 

If she can do MC great, if not look into the 180 for yourself.

I wish you well.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Try not to get to clingy, begging or any of that. She will only see this as pathetic and weak, when you need to look strong and secure...as much as you can. Read the 180, it is a very good guide for you at this stage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I don't think you know this girl any more, she isn't the same person you married. Won't you aggree?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If it was me I would investigate, look at the cell phone bill, check credit card statements and look at her social network site, even her browser history.

Some thing is up and you need to find out whats going on. I would even plant a voice activated recorder under car seat...velcro it under the seat.

You at least might get some answers when she is talking to friends.

I guess my point is you have know what your fighting against in oder to at least fight.

BTW, nice guys usually lose in a case like this, its the tough love approach in letting them go that gets them to come back.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

jasun said:


> We seldom fight, though our relationship is different... We spend time as a family, but we do not have much in common. We rarely go to the movies together and have taken 1 family vacation in these past 5 years.


So she got married at 20, had a child young and likely realizes this isn't quite what she signed up for. Combine that with nothing in common, no passion, no common interests, her inability to open up and its a recipe for disaster. She isn't happy and thinks that something 'out there' will make her feel better. Won't work but she will have to find that out for herself.


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## jasun (Jul 18, 2012)

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am looking at IC and hoping it will draw her into MC. She has said to me that she doesn't want to go to the Dr. I think she thinks they will put her on happy pills, but what she doesn't realize is that if there is a hormone imbalance, that is treatable.

As far as friends encouraging a break down, she has only told 2 people. her other sister (who happens to be one of my good friends, and her other friend who when I asked my wife what she says, told her that she should try to work it out for our Daughters sakes)... 

My money is on either a hormone problem or like some have said that her life has not gone the way she wanted it to. 

To comment on taking care of a child and husband, She is an excellent mother and takes care of our child, but I usually cook dinner and we share chores. 

we will see....


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