# Update..



## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

5th day since ive moved out to my sisters place. See i was living with her family. Saw the wife two days ago. Talked about shared custody etc etc... split the finances.. Was happy. However i feel so lonely...like as if i have no home... Her whole family, i.e. Mum and sister has put all the blame on me and my sister. My sister had a catfight with my wife approx half yr ago.. in which i stood there and did not do anything.. i mean everyone was drunk and my wife had a mental breakdown, my sis tried to calm her down but did not work and got into a fight after 3 hrs. Noone was to be blamed. My sis was very close to her and loved her a lot. But anyway... i duno.. is thr anyways to repair our marriage? its pretty much done for her... she doesnt love me anymore nor has feelings for me anymore.. We have a 4 yr old boy. Shes 22 and im 28. been together for 6 yrs. A lot of damage has been caused in the last 2 months. Constant arguments.. cold shoulders.. etc etc.. but we still has sex just before i moved out.. but i initiated everything. Although the last time we did it,.. she has no feelings whatsoever.... just lied there like a dead fish. i dont know ppl.. im so lost!!! i cant bear this loneliness..


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

First mistake - never ever take your family's side against your wife. I don't care if she slapped the Preacher! You back your wife 100%

So you made your choice. Either you go back and tell her you were wrong or you can continue to be right and - Alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Did you guys try to go to counseling? How did everything break down from that fight?

I agree with powerbane, say you're sorry and are 100% wrong.

My marriage was fixed with MC, but it sounds like you did a ton of damage with fighting recently.


----------



## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

Powerbane said:


> First mistake - never ever take your family's side against your wife. I don't care if she slapped the Preacher! You back your wife 100%
> 
> So you made your choice. Either you go back and tell her you were wrong or you can continue to be right and - Alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I know.. but my wife was simply ignoring me the whole night.. i was very drunk myself... i am wrong, ive told her that from the first day she told me "she needeed space" and " i love you but i dont love u the same" which was 2 months ago. 

I tried everything.. from telling her id change for the better and that she will come first from now on. Lots of problems not only this, i had a gambling habit and stuff as well which was part of the problem but gradualy over the years i have stopped. Last time i gambled was like nearly 6 months ago. I really have tried stopping everything. 

She still insisted that its not me. Its too late for us now. She said she doesnt know what will happen in the future but for now.. she doesnt want to date. Just wants to see what happens and live a single life. I dont know what to do and i desperately want her back. The in laws really dislike me now and i have written an email to her sister to tell her mum that im thankful for putting up with me all these years. 

should i do the 180?
Her facebook status still says married to me.. i dont know why she isnt changing it.. but ill be back at her place to pick up the rest of my stuff on sunday. I just want her to miss me again.. want to know what im doing but she just doesnt seem like it. All her friends dislike me now and stuff. i really dont know what to do...


----------



## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

anx said:


> Did you guys try to go to counseling? How did everything break down from that fight?
> 
> I agree with powerbane, say you're sorry and are 100% wrong.
> 
> My marriage was fixed with MC, but it sounds like you did a ton of damage with fighting recently.


Yes we went councilling about a month ago.Basically the councellor asked her if she wanted to save this marriage even a "little". She said no. One session and it was done. Kept saying she wun change her mind etc etc.... Well after the fight she apologized to my sister and they were more than fine. Still went out shopping together etc etc.. But after she told her sister and mum recently, they have just been saying stuff like "She shouldnt have hit you.. she has NO reason to... WHo is she to do this to you".. so all these things.. made my sister in their eyes a bad person. Yeh.. a lot of damage has been done.. i picked a fight with a guy which i suspected that she might have been having an affair with.. just too much hints.. but up until today.. she and him still deny and that they are just party/clubbing friends in a group. All her friends deny it too..I mean i sort of believe it now.. but yeh i guess i was just too caught up from the emotions.. Im just deeply hurt that she didnt even stand on my side when i got hit in the face and had a cut/bleeding lip when his mates jump in on me. I was so hurt when she said out loud "im not ur wife anymore". I just dont kno wwhat else to do.... 


Honestly she knows im not a bad guy and that im actualy a very caring, nice guy. All my friends respect me as a good friend (those who are on my side) and just tell me to move on and get on with life. I just cant.. i feel so lonely when my boy is not around... i just want her to miss me again...


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The guy you suspect she's involved with--is there any way to find out further?

She should not have hit you. That is abusive. No matter how you slice it. No one has the right to hit anyone.



capacity83 said:


> She still insisted that its not me. Its too late for us now. She said she doesnt know what will happen in the future but for now.. she doesnt want to date. Just wants to see what happens and live a single life.
> 
> I just want her to miss me again.. ..


Everything she is saying sounds like someone who is cheating, to me, anyway.

As for you wanting her to miss you --she can't miss you if you are always there. Know that. That is why you should break off all contact w/ her. She can't miss you if you don't go away.


----------



## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> The guy you suspect she's involved with--is there any way to find out further?
> 
> She should not have hit you. That is abusive. No matter how you slice it. No one has the right to hit anyone.
> 
> ...


Well.. i did log into her facebook page.. she talking to her friends and stuff.. she says that he is just a friend and no more a friend. Whats that word to describe it..cant remember but yeh.. Her sister and her sisters bf have now added him onto facebook and are suddenly mates with him when they were supposingly "siding" me at first. Calling me and mates "chicken ****s" and stufff.. we never wanted to fight his friends.. all i wanted to do is give him a 2nd warning (which the first was actually from my wife's sister). I dont know what i can do now... she hasnt really talked to me apart from leaving a facebook msg yesterday saying "hey, your dad rang me and wants to speak about our boy. What should i do? " so i just replied her "just ignore him, ill sort it out". She says "dont get angry at your dad please, he is just concerned about our boy". I didnt reply after. My heart and brain is constantly thinking about her.. All her facebook pics and wall statuses seems like shes fine. She is also starting to post on the guy's wall and him posting back on hers. But She justs being mean.. like the guys status was "why are girls always so moody at me" and she replied "look at yourself in the mirror" sort of being mean to him in a way.. im not even sure... if its u know.. some kind of game. but yeh... im sick at this stage for her to do this to me...

what can i do? im already trying to keep away from her and not even contact her at all. 
/.... God save my marriage....   ... beeen crying a lot lately..


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why did you suspect him being involved with her? Elaborate?

Right now you need to chin up and fast. You need to show her you are a dignified man full of self-respect. If she wants out, let her go. There is nothin gmore unnattractive to someone who has one foot out the door than someone pining over them relentlessly. They come across as desperate. Start posting happy pics of yourself and fun wall postings.


----------

