# Always rejected when trying to initiate sex and intimacy.



## Kev093 (10 mo ago)

My wife and I are a young newly married (got married 5 months ago). There is already a big big problem in our marriage and that is sex and intimacy. We would be lucky to have sex once or twice a month if that! After five months of marriage. Whenever I try and initiate sex or intimacy it's always the same story same excuse every single time. "I don't feel like it", "not today" or my favorite "I'll see how I feel". 

I'm starting to feel emotionally detached due to the constant rejection. Finding it hard to invest and initiate due to the same excuse.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

What about before you got married?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

It won't get any better unless you communicate with her


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I guess not all Aussie chicks are hot and Randy after all !! What a disaster only 5 months in. You guys should be all over each other.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Kev093 said:


> My wife and I are a young newly married (got married 5 months ago). There is already a big big problem in our marriage and that is sex and intimacy. We would be lucky to have sex once or twice a month if that! After five months of marriage. Whenever I try and initiate sex or intimacy it's always the same story same excuse every single time. "I don't feel like it", "not today" or my favorite "I'll see how I feel".
> 
> I'm starting to feel emotionally detached due to the constant rejection. Finding it hard to invest and initiate due to the same excuse.


You have to address this directly with her. Make it clear that this is a big big problem, and you're detaching. She needs to really fully understand how big of a deal this is for you, if things staying like they are now is a relationship deal breaker for you she needs to understand that and fully believe it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You’ll have to see how you feel about remaining married to her.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

This is a huge problem. You should be having sex multiple times a day as newlyweds. You have to communicate and ask her what the issue is.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

You dont say if you had intimacy before marriage turned the spigot off. I an guessing not. Things are downhill from here, and you dont have much invested. Whatever you do, do not get her pregnant! Since you arent getting much anyway how about just taking care of yourself until the annulment ir divorce is final?

End this travesty ASAP and think through how you allowed yourself to get suckered into marrying a woman who doesnt want intimacy with you so you dont repeat this mistake.

Will add, it is possible that you aren’t “doing it” for her, so she isn’t enthusiastic because sex with YOU isnt fun for her. Just ask her straight up! What does she need to enjoy sex? By 5 months you should have tried a bunch of different things and already discovered what drives her over the edge. If haven’t, tell her she needs to give you some OJT.

If none of this works in the next week or so, Cut your losses!! Sooner not later. She doesnt love you or she would be wearing you out, not rejecting your advances. Maybe You managed to marry one if the very few young women who dont love sex


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Was this a arranged marriage?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

The first rule of life for all living beings is "me first". I don't know how young you are, but if you are young enough, then, is a good point in life to know and understand what your boundaries for a relationship are. If you don't know what your boundaries are, then, you are involved in a recipe for failure.

The next rule that you need to understand is that in a relationship there must be communication. This is key to a relationship success. 
You must have communication without room for miscommunication.
The next thing you need to know is that in a relationship you can't be afraid. If you are afraid, then, your partner has one on you. You become a weak partner that can easily be manipulated, because you are afraid. 

Having said all that. YOU MUST, sit her down and tell her to explain herself now, and based on the explanation, if any, you MUST, not only determine if is a deal breaker, or not for you to remain in this relationship. 

If she refuses or avoids to explain herself then, tell her that you're sorry, you love her, but the relationship is over. That you are proceeding with divorce. YOU MUST MEAN IT. If you don't mean it don't say it.
All I can tell you is that you MUST (do you see how many musts I have said) have the fortitude and strength to make a decision for you. A decision that does not involves YOU putting aside your self respect and dignity in order to keep a woman. A woman that's a woman in papers to you only at this point. Courage my young friend, Courage to do what you must do for yourself. 

Do not waste your life in something that might not have a fixing, if that's the case, whatever the excuse might be.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Could she be pregnant and worried/anxious about telling you? Maybe she is pregnant and doesn't know yet, and could be her body/mood changing.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> Could she be pregnant and worried/anxious about telling you? Maybe she is pregnant and doesn't know yet, and could be her body/mood changing.


Hopefully not for @Kev093 sake ( and ‘wife’ as well ). Should be easy to confirm with kit from druggist,

He needs to be asking her what in he3ll is wrong with her anyway pregnancy or otherwise. If they didnt do any test drives, maybe he just doesnt tickle her fancy, she is as unhappy as he is.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Hopefully not for @Kev093 sake ( and ‘wife’ as well ). Should be easy to confirm with kit from druggist,
> 
> He needs to be asking her what in he3ll is wrong with her anyway pregnancy or otherwise. If they didnt do any test drives, maybe he just doesnt tickle her fancy, she is as unhappy as he is.


They definitely need to sit down and talk calmly about this. This early in the marriage is concerning, that's if she was sexually active before the marriage. If she has something on her mind she needs to talk about it.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> They definitely need to sit down and talk calmly about this. This early in the marriage is concerning, that's if she was sexually active before the marriage. If she has something on her mind she needs to talk about it.


I wonder if she has SOMEONE on her mind that she needs to talk about


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> I wonder if she has SOMEONE on her mind that she needs to talk about


Or that too. Something is on her mind though. He needs to find out what or who.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ABHale said:


> Was this a arranged marriage?


This, among others, are questions the OP needs to answer before anyone can really give advice. There’s so much that could be going on here the speculation would be wild.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!!’

SHES CHEATING. !!!!!! 


I beat y’all to it !!!!!


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT.

This won't get better. There are hundreds of threads on here like this.

Be glad you realized this early and pack your bags.

How old are you?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

You need to talk to her. Every person in this world wants to have a good sex life, even your wife. 

So something is up. 

You need to create a moment when you guys are together, and have each other’s attention and you are being lovie, and ask her point blank… what does a good sex life look like to you. Let her talk, ask questions, be curious, get to know your wife. 

You might be surprised how different your ideas of great sex differ. 

In marriage everyone has expectations, and dreams, and what they envision things will be like, and how they actually are. Not just sex but day to day stuff. It’s really great if you guys can keep honesty, and humor in your relationship and talk about these things together. It creates intimacy and closeness, and sets the tone that you guys can talk about everything.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

The other problem is, especially for newly married people with limited sexual experience….
You guys think sex should be done a certain amount, a certain way, it should look like this, or should be like this etc. get rid of all those pre conceived notions and talk to your wife about what SHE likes. How often ideally she wants it. What makes her want it. What makes her not want it. How she wants sex to start. What’s her favorite time of day to have it, favorite position etc. and if she doesn’t know because this is new for her, then figure it out together and keep communication open. 

You also need to tell her how her rejecting you makes you feel. And that doesn’t mean that she should never reject you, but find a way how you can narrow down when she is open for it, and when it’s definitely never going to happen. It’s not all about you, and when you want it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm guessing arranged marriage or no sex before marriage. If it's arranged, she's just feeling victimized. If it's she didn't want sex before marriage and wasn't into heavy petting and foreplay at least before, then she's not into sex. 

The only other reason I can think of would be if you bribed her into marriage with lots of money and promises and it's all material to her, which at your ages, I seriously doubt. 

Other than that, if you were trying things on her that mainly only paid or enslaved porn actresses will do, you may have just alienated her forever doing that if you're into porn. She's not a pro or slave. 

No matter what it is, don't get her pregnant and get out of it because these problems will only get worse with kids and age, I promise you. Get out of it if that's how it is.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> The other problem is, especially for newly married people with limited sexual experience….
> You guys think sex should be done a certain amount, a certain way, it should look like this, or should be like this etc. get rid of all those pre conceived notions and talk to your wife about what SHE likes. How often ideally she wants it. What makes her want it. What makes her not want it. How she wants sex to start. What’s her favorite time of day to have it, favorite position etc. and if she doesn’t know because this is new for her, then figure it out together and keep communication open.
> 
> You also need to tell her how her rejecting you makes you feel. And that doesn’t mean that she should never reject you, but find a way how you can narrow down when she is open for it, and when it’s definitely never going to happen. It’s not all about you, and when you want it.


They should have had these talks BEFORE tying the knot. And not just about sex but EVERYTHING. How many kids? Dreams and hopes? Finances? Religion? Everything from soup to nuts. Best to find the incompatible before than after.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Rus47 said:


> They should have had these talks BEFORE tying the knot. And not just about sex but EVERYTHING. How many kids? Dreams and hopes? Finances? Religion? Everything from soup to nuts. Best to find the incompatible before than after.


Should of, would of, could Of. 

Can’t go back.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Kev093 said:


> Finding it hard to invest


It is not a worthwhile investment. Cut your losses, move on. Now. Like someone else already said, this won't get better. Marriage is far too sacrificial to be engaged in with someone who delivers NOTHING.


DownByTheRiver said:


> these problems will only get worse with kids and age, I promise you.


I add my promise to that as well. BTDT.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Should of, would of, could Of.
> 
> Can’t go back.


Have, not of.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Kev093 said:


> My wife and I are a young newly married (got married 5 months ago). There is already a big big problem in our marriage and that is sex and intimacy. We would be lucky to have sex once or twice a month if that! After five months of marriage. Whenever I try and initiate sex or intimacy it's always the same story same excuse every single time. "I don't feel like it", "not today" or my favorite "I'll see how I feel".
> 
> I'm starting to feel emotionally detached due to the constant rejection. Finding it hard to invest and initiate due to the same excuse.


When did you last try?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Don’t have kids. Even if it looks like it’s sorted out, it probably isn’t.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

It's doomed.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Doomed.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Looks like a drive by


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Kev093 said:


> My wife and I are a young newly married (got married 5 months ago). There is already a big big problem in our marriage and that is sex and intimacy. We would be lucky to have sex once or twice a month if that! After five months of marriage. Whenever I try and initiate sex or intimacy it's always the same story same excuse every single time. "I don't feel like it", "not today" or my favorite "I'll see how I feel".
> 
> I'm starting to feel emotionally detached due to the constant rejection. Finding it hard to invest and initiate due to the same excuse.


Is she a religious girl from a religious family?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Kev093 said:


> My wife and I are a young newly married (got married 5 months ago). There is already a big big problem in our marriage and that is sex and intimacy. We would be lucky to have sex once or twice a month if that! After five months of marriage. Whenever I try and initiate sex or intimacy it's always the same story same excuse every single time. "I don't feel like it", "not today" or my favorite "I'll see how I feel".
> 
> I'm starting to feel emotionally detached due to the constant rejection. Finding it hard to invest and initiate due to the same excuse.


P.S. my wife and I had sex 30+ times our first week together.

You need to catch up son.😉


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> P.S. my wife and I had sex 30+ times our first week together.
> 
> You need to catch up son.😉


So …… uummmmm …… you’re only counting before breakfast????


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mr.Married said:


> So …… uummmmm …… you’re only counting before breakfast????


We had to cool it as was or we would have lost our jobs, homes, friends and relatives.🙂


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> P.S. my wife and I had sex 30+ times our first week together.
> 
> You need to catch up son.


That’s helpful.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> That’s helpful.


More than you might know.

OP has posted once and refused any interaction at all.

So he's getting a shot from this barbarian. I didn't lie and, if he wants our attention and input, he needs to answer questions.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Suggestions, 

1. Big fight, You need to have a big fight about something else and have the sex issue come in that context. Otherwise, you'll get, it's me not you, sorry about that, now go work 65 hours per week, get me a new kitchen, we're going to my parents house every Sunday, and if you think of divorce, you'll be giving me 50,000 grand in support and alimony, working 2 jobs and seeing your children every other weekend. So have a double date with her good friend Saturday Night, cancel 2 hours before, tell her you're so sorry but you're just not in the mood, shows, dinners, not in the mood. She needs to understand that a marriage is a package, where each spouse makes compromises. If she gets angry, then maybe you can get what's really bothering her, you're a lousy lover, past sexual abuse, she was faking it just to get married. 

2. Bring it. If you have sex, make sure you work on satisfying her, because if its 90 seconds and done, that's not going to appeal to her. 

3, Environment Consider vacation or someplace where she feels comfortable. 

4. No pregnancy As others note, don't bring children in the marriage until she gets straightened out.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> More than you might know.
> 
> OP has posted once and refused any interaction at all.
> 
> So he's getting a shot from this barbarian. I didn't lie and, if he wants our attention and input, he needs to answer questions.


He was looking for magic. Like a lot he can’t make a decision.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Kev093 said:


> My wife and I are a young newly married (got married 5 months ago). There is already a big big problem in our marriage and that is sex and intimacy. We would be lucky to have sex once or twice a month if that! After five months of marriage. Whenever I try and initiate sex or intimacy it's always the same story same excuse every single time. "I don't feel like it", "not today" or my favorite "I'll see how I feel".
> 
> I'm starting to feel emotionally detached due to the constant rejection. Finding it hard to invest and initiate due to the same excuse.


Put your big boy pants on now and make it clear you didn't sign up for a passionless M.

Or this is your life until she leaves you.


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