# His permission??



## WickedDragon (Feb 20, 2011)

I am seriously considering divorce. I have already found a divorce attorney. If I tell my husband I want a divorce and he says no, is there a way I can still get the divorce and get him out of my life? Also, how do I go about removing him from my home once the papers have been filed?

TIA


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

File for divorce. Have him served with the papers. He can argue about who gets what but a judge will grant the divorce. "No" is a ridiculous response. You're not asking for his consent.


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## WickedDragon (Feb 20, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> File for divorce. Have him served with the papers. He can argue about who gets what but a judge will grant the divorce. "No" is a ridiculous response. You're not asking for his consent.


UnB, thank you. Since this will be my first divorce, I have no clue what to do. All I know is that I want out. 

Next question, how do I get him out of my house, once he's been served with divorce papers?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your lawyer is the best person to talk to about that, I'd think. It may depend on things like where you live and who's name is on the title of the house.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WickedDragon (Feb 20, 2011)

PBear said:


> Your lawyer is the best person to talk to about that, I'd think. It may depend on things like where you live and who's name is on the title of the house.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


PB, thankfully, nothing of mine is in his name, including my house. When he moved and we got married, he came with his car and his personal belongings. Other than that, everything else is in my name and we haven't purchased anything jointly since being married.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Go to the hardware store and buy exterior lock sets. Change the locks. Unless he can walk through walls, that'll get him out of the house.


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## WickedDragon (Feb 20, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Go to the hardware store and buy exterior lock sets. Change the locks. Unless he can walk through walls, that'll get him out of the house.


I'd rather do this as legally as possible. I say that because the person I am dealing with is not mentally stable and I often times fear for my safety.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

If you are in the US - yes you can get a divorce without his permission but it may take a while.

It will depend on your state's laws as to what he is owed in regards to the house. Some states have a 50/50 split of all material assets, and that doesn't necessarily mean that just because you owned it before marriage that it isn't considered community property now. The only way for sure to get him out is to have the court tell him he has to get out


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## WickedDragon (Feb 20, 2011)

TNgirl232 said:


> If you are in the US - yes you can get a divorce without his permission but it may take a while.
> 
> It will depend on your state's laws as to what he is owed in regards to the house. Some states have a 50/50 split of all material assets, and that doesn't necessarily mean that just because you owned it before marriage that it isn't considered community property now. The only way for sure to get him out is to have the court tell him he has to get out


Well, the fact of the matter is that nothing of mine is in his name. And if it comes down the 50/50, then he will have to find the means to buy me out (which he does not have). We've been married just over 9 months (I know, it's sad). But I would hope that a court of law would rule in my favor as I have been supporting this man since day one and he has contributed absolutely nothing monetarily to this marriage. He is a willing and able body, yet has no means of income. Not to mention that before we got married, he told lie after lie to doop me into marrying him. I'm such a fool and feel so embarrassed and ashamed for getting myself into this mess. But I want him out of my house, out of my life, and when I do file for divorce, I hope the court tells him to get out and get lost.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

WickedDragon said:


> I'd rather do this as legally as possible. I say that because the person I am dealing with is not mentally stable and I often times fear for my safety.


I would rather have a lock between me and a mentally unstable person than share a home with one. In the U.S., enraged crazy people who try to go through locked doors tend to be shot. Problem solved. Practically speaking, all the attorneys, court orders, and police on earth can't protect you 24 hours a day from a crazy or violent person. Your safety needs to be your number 1 concern. Make up your mind that you do not consent to be harmed and that you will do whatever is required to defend yourself. You are in charge.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I had a husband like that when I was about 24 and doing very well financially. It was easy to get him out. I filed for divorce and he got stuck with his own debts. Don't worry about being ashamed. It was a life lesson. He lied. You are not the first hard-working honest woman to be taken advantage of by a manipulative player. What could give you a chance of holding onto your assets is to go to one of those internet search services and pay the money for a full disclosure based on his Social Security number. You can get previous marriages, previous roommates (including other women he might have duped in the past), all addresses, crimes and misdemeanors, and financial issues. You can also try to get his credit report history although I won't comment on the legality of this, you can do it on-line. You should also try to acquire any record of spending or other 'blood sucking behavior' he's had of a substantial nature during the marriage. Did he run up your cable bill using pay-per-view? Insist on buying a big-screen tv... have you pay his car insurance... and so forth. All of this documentation will help to protect your assets, especially your house. If he has taken advantage of you thus far, he will try to make it look like he just can't find unemployment and you are ditching him solely because he is not a sugar-daddy and paying your mortgage as you had expected. You need to be coolly and calmly prepared for this with the documentation, and not a word to him about it! Make sure you document the source and that your attorney gets the documents in time to prepare a case. Don't expect your attorney to do this. Most don't have the time or inclination to go fishing except at a large expense - to you. 

Also, before doing anything else, make sure you get credit monitoring and put a freeze/fraud alert on your credit record. This will prevent him from taking out new credit...and while you're at it you can check to see if he has already. Some people will go out and buy stuff using a new card, then sell it, use the cash for drug money or whatever they are addicted to, and then just intercept the new card, bill and overdue notices in the mail, as well as any phone calls that come in. 

Don't think he is going to play by your rules.
Instead, think about where your rules and your behavior can bite you in the behind.

Lock it down, do it quickly, and do not say one word to him about it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you file for divorce, whether he wants it or not, it will be granted. If he won't sign, the judge will sign for him.

If he's violent, get a protection order against him today and tell him to GTFO. 

Talk to your lawyer about what you can do about getting him out of your house.


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## WickedDragon (Feb 20, 2011)

HM:

Thank you for the very best advice you have given me. I am to the point where I no longer discuss finances with him. Recently, he brought up if I had a credit card that already had a balance and if it did, why not use it. Also, just yesterday, he asked me if he could have $50 bucks. Sorry, but I don't have anymore money. My entire income goes to support me, him, and this household. 

I keep a regular freeze on my credit report and he doesn't know my SSN. I do know his credit history and it's disastrous. I also know his previous divorce decree. I think I have enough ammo if he's not willing to pursue another route and make things better.

I have put the ball in his court and it's up to him to decide if this marriage works or doesn't. However, if he cannot do this in a timely manner, I will make the decision for him.

Yes, he lied. He's lied since day one and as I have finally been able to say the truth to very few, close people, I finally see the light. Believe me, I do not want a divorce. I want him to get help. But I can only lead him to water, I can't force him to drink it. He's mentally ill and I know it. I do not have a resolution for that. Again, the ball is in his court. But I cannot keep up this charade any longer. 

JB:

Thank you as well. If it comes down to it and he won't sign or leave, I hope the court makes him go far, far away.

Thank you everyone. Keep the information coming. I hope I don't have to go through with it, but I want to be as armed as possible.


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