# Cheating with neighbor



## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

My husband and I were together for 7 years. We started to have problems after my son was born and really thought about getting a divorce. He became very aggressive and I asked him to leave the house. A couple weeks later I learned he was living at the neighbors. He claimed they were just friends and roommates. I raised three of he's children from another relationship the youngest was 9 months old. We got divorced and now he only see our two children 4 times a month. It's been about a year and half. He no longer allows me to see he's children which I raised, they do not even know their biological mom. I also just found out him and the neighbor got married. Between him and the neighbor they have 7 kids under the age of 13. I've beeen going to therapy and moving on with my life but my biggest hurdle has been the fact that he has never expressed any remorse for what he did how he did it. Then to find out he married her i feel like our entire relationship was a lie.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Sorry for your pain.

Sorry for your kids.

But I am happy that you are divorced from him.

Someday things will be better.

time will help. I do hope he is paying child support.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Go see an accomplished family attorney regarding divorce, property, and child support ~ ASAP!

He needs to pay for what he's done to you!*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Alaina88 said:


> My husband and I were together for 7 years. We started to have problems after my son was born and really thought about getting a divorce. He became very aggressive and I asked him to leave the house. A couple weeks later I learned he was living at the neighbors. He claimed they were just friends and roommates. I raised three of he's children from another relationship the youngest was 9 months old. We got divorced and now he only see our two children 4 times a month. It's been about a year and half. He no longer allows me to see he's children which I raised, they do not even know their biological mom. I also just found out him and the neighbor got married. Between him and the neighbor they have 7 kids under the age of 13. I've beeen going to therapy and moving on with my life but my biggest hurdle has been the fact that he has never expressed any remorse for what he did how he did it. Then to find out he married her i feel like our entire relationship was a lie.


Why is the mother of his children not involved in their lives? Do you know who she is and where she is?

If his youngest was 9 months old when you started to raise him/her, then you got with your ex very shortly after he broke up with the mother of his other children. Perhaps for him it was a transition relationship.

You do need to come to terms with this. Was his part of the relationship with you a lie? Probably not at first. But it does sound like at some point he was not all the way into the relationship.

Do not beat yourself up over this. If you were honest and loving in the relationship, your part of it was not a lie. You were a good, honest, loving woman. He and he alone owns his failings.

I'm sure that it was hard for you to only lose a man you thought loved you, but to lose children who I am sure loved you. And I would think that those children have also suffered for the loss of you as a mother. How cruel of him to do this.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Cruel, indeed. I'm sorry, OP. Though it may not seem like it now, you getting away from him was a good thing. Those children you raised, however... They don't even see their bio mother? And now you can't see them? I hope your ex isn't going to start a revolving door of women throughout those children's lives.


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## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

Their biological mom just left them, she was young and didn't want the responsibility. She went on to have 7 other children, none of which she is raising. They always called me mom, they didn't know any different until we were going through the divorce my exactly told them I wasn't their mom. I haven't seen or talk to them in 9 months. They send messages through my daughter when she goes to visit that is about it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Alaina88 said:


> I also just found out him and the neighbor got married. Between him and the neighbor they have 7 kids under the age of 13. I've been going to therapy and moving on with my life but my biggest hurdle has been the fact that he has never expressed any remorse for what he did how he did it. Then to find out he married her i feel like our entire relationship was a lie.


Look at it this way. This man has worked his way through at least three women, if not more. He's a loser. Thank your stars you found that out and are now free to live your life with integrity and honesty, and teach your child that. Mourn not getting to see his kids; see a lawyer about it if you want to. But try to see the good in the situation.


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## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

harrybrown said:


> Sorry for your pain.
> 
> Sorry for your kids.
> 
> ...


Yes he is


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## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Why is the mother of his children not involved in their lives? Do you know who she is and where she is?
> 
> If his youngest was 9 months old when you started to raise him/her, then you got with your ex very shortly after he broke up with the mother of his other children. Perhaps for him it was a transition relationship.
> 
> ...


Their biological mom just left them, she was young and didn't want the responsibility. She went on to have 7 other children, none of which she is raising. They always called me mom, they didn't know any different until we were going through the divorce my exactly told them I wasn't their mom. I haven't seen or talk to them in 9 months. They send messages through my daughter when she goes to visit that is about it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

He hasn't expressed remorse because he doesn't feel any. 

Some parts of your relationship were a lie. Which parts those are depends on when he began his affair with the former AP/now wife.

I agree with looking for the silver lining. He's her problem now. She can worry who he's screwing when she's not looking.

It's sad about the kids, but that's a risk step-parents run.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Wow, that would just kill me, not to see the kids.

Are you legally allowed to tell your daughter to tell them you love them, too, and that you miss them terribly?

This is a good lesson for people to adopt step kids if their parents are out of the picture like your ex's first wife was.

Have you talked to a social worker or lawyer yet about what you could possibly do about reestablishing contact?

Would a calm discussion with the ex help?


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## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

jld said:


> Wow, that would just kill me, not to see the kids.
> 
> Are you legally allowed to tell your daughter to tell them you love them, too, and that you miss them terribly?
> 
> ...


No he isn't a rational person he always says we are going to work it out and come up with a plan for the kids but never follows through. Our last conversation he told me him and I needed to build a foundation first and then he will introduce he's kids back into our relationship. Whatever that means. As far as a lawyer I don't have any rights.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Alaina88 said:


> No he isn't a rational person he always says we are going to work it out and come up with a plan for the kids but never follows through. Our last conversation he told me him and I needed to build a foundation first and then he will introduce he's kids back into our relationship. Whatever that means. As far as a lawyer I don't have any rights.


I am so sorry.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Alaina88 said:


> Between him and the neighbor they have 7 kids under the age of 13.


LOL. I do believe he's been dealt his karma.

One day the rose-colored glasses will come off and you'll see him for the POS he actually is. Then it won't be so hard to understand that this type of behavior is pretty standard for low lives such as him.

One day you'll see.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Alaina88 said:


> No he isn't a rational person he always says we are going to work it out and come up with a plan for the kids but never follows through. Our last conversation he told me him and I needed to build a foundation first and then he will introduce he's kids back into our relationship. Whatever that means. As far as a lawyer I don't have any rights.


Have you just invited them to visit you? 

They live in your neighborhood. Do they ever get to just play outside? Could they just walk to your house?


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## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Have you just invited them to visit you?
> 
> They live in your neighborhood. Do they ever get to just play outside? Could they just walk to your house?


No they moved about 6 months ago, no longer live in my neighborhood she was renting so when the lease was up they just moved.


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## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL. I do believe he's been dealt his karma.
> 
> One day the rose-colored glasses will come off and you'll see him for the POS he actually is. Then it won't be so hard to understand that this type of behavior is pretty standard for low lives such as him.
> 
> One day you'll see.


Your right, thank you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I always cringe when I read about people taking on someone else's kids without legally adopting them. Given that half of marriages end in divorce, it's safer to realize that you HAVE no rights to those children should that parent decide to leave you. 

Not writing that to YOU, Alaina, but to others who read threads like this, as a warning.


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## Alaina88 (Jun 20, 2017)

turnera said:


> I always cringe when I read about people taking on someone else's kids without legally adopting them. Given that half of marriages end in divorce, it's safer to realize that you HAVE no rights to those children should that parent decide to leave you.
> 
> Not writing that to YOU, Alaina, but to others who read threads like this, as a warning.


Yes you are right it is a lesson learned


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> I always cringe when I read about people taking on someone else's kids without legally adopting them. Given that half of marriages end in divorce, it's safer to realize that you HAVE no rights to those children should that parent decide to leave you.
> 
> Not writing that to YOU, Alaina, but to others who read threads like this, as a warning.


I dealt with this with my step kids. Generally, no matter what a step parent does for a step children, it usually does not pan out well.

All the advise out there that I read is for step parents to not fully assume the role of parent because of this.


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