# How do I get closure or past this anger without breaking no contact!



## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

I am desperate to ask what kind of a low creature goes and puts himself into the life of a person who has lost their husband and best friend and then runs back to a cold heartless woman.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you talking about the guy at your work?


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Are you talking about the guy at your work?


Oh not at all. 

I am widowed and on a hobby site I made friends with a man who said he was separated and then went back to his wife after she involved their adult children who said they wouldn't have anything to do with him if he didn't stop his divorce. 

I was just feeling really angry because he had no right to cause me this grief. Even though it was just online I still feel angry. I don't want him in my life but want to tell him what a low life he is.

It's just a weak moment . Posting got me over doing that and I found another thread here where there is some advice.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Did he misrepresent himself? Did you not know he was married?


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Did he misrepresent himself? Did you not know he was married?


He said he had filed for divorce and I think he had but his wife got his adult kids to tell him they'd no longer associate with him if he didn't go back to the marriage. He is still in the spare room though.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I know you are hurting. You liked the guy and are angry he is staying with his wife and not available for you.


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I know you are hurting. You liked the guy and are angry he is staying with his wife and not available for you.


I am angry that he thought it was okay to hurt somebody who had lost a spouse. He pursued me knowing I had been through a lot with my husband passing. I think he showed no compassion at all.

She is welcome to him. I can do a thousand times better with a man who hasn't been emasculated and knows his worth.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pinksapphire said:


> I am desperate to ask what kind of a low creature goes and puts himself into the life of a person who has lost their husband and best friend and then runs back to a cold heartless woman.


Hang on! How do you know she is a cold, heartless woman?

And if she is cold and heartless to him, what did he do to her to make that so?

After all, he didn't care how he hurt you, did he?

By the way, he seems quite famous. He has a big following, does Rat Fink...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Just curious. Are you in UK? Or US and not sleeping?


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Hang on! How do you know she is a cold, heartless woman?
> 
> And if she is cold and heartless to him, what did he do to her to make that so?
> 
> ...



Thanks MattMatt I will make sure I read this post and look at the picture before ever thinking of breaking no contact. I was lucky My daughter had come over and my weekend will be busy as my other kids are over too. Not too much time for stupid thoughts.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You act as if he started the relationship with the intention of hurting you, while he may have entered a relationship too early because he was still living with his wife you have to understand you bear some responsibility as well. You entered a relationship with a married man, regardless of what he said was happening a married man is very poor dating material. Even if his divorce had gone forward he still wouldn't be 100% available to you emotionally for some time, there's just too much drama during a divorce to be in a relationship. 

Contacting him will do nothing, you need to just move on.


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Just curious. Are you in UK? Or US and not sleeping?


No I'm in Australia. I still don't sleep though.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pinksapphire said:


> No I'm in Australia. I still don't sleep though.


Take some herbal sleep aids, they might help.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Cooper said:


> You act as if he started the relationship with the intention of hurting you, while he may have entered a relationship too early because he was still living with his wife you have to understand you bear some responsibility as well. You entered a relationship with a married man, regardless of what he said was happening a married man is very poor dating material. Even if his divorce had gone forward he still wouldn't be 100% available to you emotionally for some time, there's just too much drama during a divorce to be in a relationship.
> 
> Contacting him will do nothing, you need to just move on.


I do not think he gave a damn who he hurt, to be honest.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You were friends or you were a in a relationship with this guy. They are not the same. If you were just friends, it seems you have no right to be so hurt. If you were in an online relationship, then chalk this up to 'buyer beware'. For all you know, it was a woman.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

I'm sorry for your loss OP. Lesson to learn though, do not date separated or newly divorced men. Unless they've been divorced at least a year, stay clear of them. People who are divorcing/separating don't always have their ducks in a row emotionally. Some do, but since you're in a vulnerable place right now, just avoid them altogether.


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

Celes said:


> I'm sorry for your loss OP. Lesson to learn though, do not date separated or newly divorced men. Unless they've been divorced at least a year, stay clear of them. People who are divorcing/separating don't always have their ducks in a row emotionally. Some do, but since you're in a vulnerable place right now, just avoid them altogether.


Thank you , I doubt I will be dating. I'm quite happy with my daughters and the dog.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Pinksapphire said:


> Oh not at all.
> 
> I am widowed and on a hobby site I made friends with a man who said he was separated and then went back to his wife after she involved their adult children who said they wouldn't have anything to do with him if he didn't stop his divorce.
> 
> ...


He's weak, afraid that his children would have a low opinion of him. 
What an idiot that goes back to a controlling woman like his wife.
I'm sure he will be very unhappy in the future. 

Concentrate on you, know that there are some lovely gentleman out there, not all them are that weak. 

I wish you well & hope you will be very happy. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> He's weak, afraid that his children would have a low opinion of him.
> What an idiot that goes back to a controlling woman like his wife.
> I'm sure he will be very unhappy in the future.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your kindness.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

MattMatt said:


> I do not think he gave a damn who he hurt, to be honest.


I absolutely agree with that, and it was flat out wrong of him to enter into a relationship with anyone until his divorce was well under way or finalized in my opinion.

What I wanted the OP to understand is she put herself in a position where the chances were very high she would get hurt. I'm sorry her husband passed away and she needs to start over, she in a vulnerable state emotionally I imagine, but she has to be smart about who she dates or she will be hurt over and over.


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