# Will she take me Back??



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I dated this girl for 3 years, we had our ups and downs but after losing her for the last time and about 2 months past,,I realized that I missed her and loved her more than I ever thought. Don't know what you had until its gone is true., 
I called her and she had already moved on. I was devastated. I knew that the last year of our relationship,,I was a jerk big time. 
I went to therapy and once day she calls me. We spoke for an hour and we both cried. She has been texting and calling almost everyday. She is still very mad and doesn't want to come back but she says that she loves me. She is still seeing this other guy but hesitantly promises not to have sex until she decides if she wants me back. Ultimatly she wants me to move on and give her 4-6 months so she can have this freedom and figure out what she wants in-life. I told her that I could wait but she would have to promise not to have sex. If she is calling me and telling me that she still loves me,,then whats the big-deal. My froiends say that she doesn't want to be controlled. She wants her freedom from me and she may or may not have sex and theres nothing I can do. I know me tho,,if she is still wanting me and needs time and I find out that she has continued to have sex with a guy just bc its something to occupy her time,,then I wont want her back. 
She tells me to move on but I cant. She says that she isn't going to call but she does anyway, then it starts over. 
Im confused. Does she want me or not??


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe you are her Plan B in case it doesn't work out with the other guy. You can't control whether she has sex with him (or anyone else) so all you can do is tell her how you feel. It's up to her to tell you the truth whether she does or not.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Why don't you date in the meantime also?


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I want her. Yes I feel like Im plan-B which is why I told her that if she has sex with him anymore, that I would never be interested. She claims that she doesn't have feelings for him but that she likes that bc he cant hurt her. 
I don't want to be anyones plan-b. Not cool.
I understand that I cant control her but from a female perspective,,she must be seriously planning on coming back. I think since Im saying no sex,,I feel the other guy will be wanting it again soon so unfortunitly she will have to make a descion soon and I don't think that's good for me. 
Other women tell me that if I push her,,she will decide to stay on the safe route and not me. 
Am I right??
Also, why would I want her back if she is having sex and there is zero feelings involved. Not the kind of gorl I would want. I think he is a re-bound and I think she is now figuring that out


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

rep said:


> I was a jerk big time.


What did you do?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

You made some mistakes. You own them and learned from them.


Come on guy don't be anyone's plan B. Find someone who will make you the priority and treat them right this time


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, what did you do when you were a jerk?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

From a female perspective, I don't think she's seriously planning on coming back soon. She may give you another shot if the other guy doesn't work out. And if she has sex with him she may not tell you because she knows how you feel about that. So you can put your life on hold and wait to see if she gives you another chance down the road or you can continue to live your life.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Then why is she texting me daily and calling me??
I cry like a baby and want her back. I tell her that if she doesn't want me,, then please leave me alone so I can heal
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

rep said:


> Then why is she texting me daily and calling me??
> I cry like a baby and want her back. *I tell her that if she doesn't want me,, then please leave me alone so I can heal*


Block her calls and texts, and then delete any remaining texts, e-mails, and voice messages from her that you may have.  That will help accomplish both.

You'll know that she's serious about you when she shows up at your front door. And if she doesn't, that's an answer too.

And either way, don't be such a jerk (using your own words) in your next relationship, whether it's w/ her or another woman.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You're breaking my heart rep. I'm so pissed at her right now. She's either just so mixed up, she doesn't know what she wants or she's just plain crazy. Either way, she needs some counseling. 

Go get some yourself and heal before you even try to get back with her. Tell her what you are truly feeling and don't talk to her and block her number for a while. Tell her you need to heal and that's why you are blocking her. 

I don't know. Maybe that's the wrong advice. Others will let you know if I'm wrong. So sorry for you rep. Get the counseling please.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ahhhh, yes. Now I remember your story. Her ex is a cop and you kept interfering when you should have stayed out of it. I knew your user name was familiar. You started a number of threads about that relationship. 

She is calling and texting to keep you dangling on the string. She will come back or she won't but that's her decision and she may take her time about deciding. And it's obviously her decision to have sex with anyone else she chooses to be with. If you can't handle contact with her during her period of indecision then you should block her. Right now, you're still Plan B.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

She is mixed up and confused. I know she loves me but she is scared. I think she likes her new found freedom. This guy is really a freind with benefits and she says that she does what she wants and he can't hurt her bc there's no feelings. 
I think it's a little ****ty. She doesn't want to be alone and found this guy and she goes out with her friends. Then she realized that she missed me and we've been talking,, so yes she is confused but it's SO painful. I wish she would make up her mind!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

A friend with benefits? Then she's already having sex with him? I thought that was a deal breaker?


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## lovelost2soon (Aug 9, 2014)

If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

When she left,, we didn't talk for about 6weeks,, then she called me. She has been calling almost daily for about. 8 days.
She told me they had sex but not since we've been talking. I know he is going to be wanting it soon and the pressure to make a descion will be soon. I told her if she has sex with him again,, I'm done forever
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Reads like she thinks you don't want her and she is waiting for you to make the next move. If you want her, you will pursue. If not, she is going on her way.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Reads like she thinks you don't want her and she is waiting for you to make the next move. If you want her, you will pursue. If not, she is going on her way.


I've sent her flowers,, I went to her house and cried like a baby,, I've texted her to marry me. I am chasing her. People tell me that it will scare her off
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yeah, it will. She doesn't want a guy begging for her. She wants a man that knows what he wants and is confident that he will get what he wants. 

I don't think you are ready for her. Get some counseling and block her number. Tell her you have some work to do. You may realize you don't really want her. You want what you think she represents.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I did go to therapy. That's how I realized I was the one being a jerk about small stuff. I feel like ignoring her like women tell me is just a game. Honestly this LIMBO is pure hell. I wish she would make up her mind. Then I can heal or have her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Reads to me like you want to be loved. Also seems like she can't give you what you really want. Are you seeing that? I think you have your answer. You just need to accept it.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Your 100% right. Hurts tho
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skyhawk (Jan 6, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> Reads to me like you want to be loved. Also seems like she can't give you what you really want. Are you seeing that? I think you have your answer. You just need to accept it.


:iagree:
Seriously, you have no ties and no real skin in the game. I spent over 20 years married to someone who was holding a torch for another, don't put yourself through this, turn around and walk away. If she decides you are plan A then she will come get you, if not, you you saved a world of hurt.
Limbo is the worst experience possible.

all the best.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Well you never told us WHAT you did.. so this idea that others are saying back off, leave her alone or you will scare her away.. I just don't know that I agree.. maybe you ignored her for 3 yrs already and DIDN't attend to her emotional needs, and if that was the case, then backing off and acting all COLD is just more of the pitiful neglect she was already used to...why would she want that back !?

Maybe I am just weird, but if I was in love with a guy who didn't treat me good...but somehow I held a torch for him (Why this happens is kinda sad ).. but it does... so if he had a change of heart and wanted me back.. he darn well better pursue like he has a fire under his a$$.... or I would move on..I'd need convinced that he REALLY changed and it's gonna stick this time. I can understand her needing time on that.. again depending on what YOU DID..for the relationship to break down as it has..

I also wouldn't be comfortable with her sleeping with some guy just for a release when she has no feelings for him -which makes it easier for her...why not just masturbate then..while she is figuring it out... Sounds like she really WANTS YOU.. she just doesn't trust the change .. she will need time.. that is what I get from this thread..


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Yes I believe she does want me back but she is not ready,, I just don't know how much time to give her. I'm dying. She is still going to talk and see this guy while she figured things out but she did promise no more sex. She has never lied and I trust that. Obviously this guy is bound to have a problem bc he is going to want it.
I think based on the pressure from me and him,, she will be forced to make a descion soon and that being said,, I think she will NOT choose me. 
She wants me to date and her date a while and we do what we want,, she believes that in the end,, we will be together but I can't stand another man having her,, so to me it's now or never
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Rep,

I read your other thread to get a feel for your situation. In your last thread you were talking about how you were controlling in your relationship. What you are not realizing now is that you are STILL being controlling & manipulative. You are telling her "no sex" as a way to impose a timeframe and possibly get the answer you want from her.

My advice to you is this:

* You have already told her how you feel. Don't tell her anymore. 

* Find a hobby or something to take up your time.

* Don't call her anymore & don't make yourself too available to her. Unless she is going to tell you she wants to be in a relationship with you, there really isn't anything else to talk about.

* If she calls/texts you, don't answer immediately.

* Learn to live your life as if she was never in it.

If she wants to be with you, she'll tell you. Crying to her is actually a bit manipulative. 

Leave the ball in her court. She knows how to find you.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I agree but the hurt/pain is killing me. I went to therapy,, I told her we could go together.
I just really want her to decide so I can move on and heal or be with her.
Again,, I 100% agree that it hurts my chances Everytime I reach out to her.
I'll try to leave her alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

You're going through a bunch of emotional masturbation. Reads like a teenage love drama. Cut her loose. Detach. Move on. Learn from your mistakes and leave them in the past. Good luck.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I'm trying but I really feel she was my Soul Mate. I was going thru a divorce/bankruptcy and my stress always made me act like a jerk.
Now everything is done and I feel like a different person.
I want her back and I want to try 100%,,, then if she doesn't come back,, I know I've done everything. 
Never felt this emotional before,, not even after my 17 year marriage ended.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You were controlling and manipulative before, and you're being that way again now. You are coming off as extremely needy and desperate and that is a HUGE turnoff to a woman.

Meanwhile, she's dangling the carrot in front of you and then whipping it away. Very childish and manipulative.

This is so toxic for both of you. If you took a step back and stopped talking to her for even a week I'm sure you would see it too.

Don't sit around waiting for someone else to decide what's going to happen with YOUR life. You're here for a good time, not a long time. Tell her she's clearly made her choice, wish her well and then cut off ALL contact.


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