# need advise with marriage problems



## simplyme43920 (Jan 8, 2008)

Here is my story. I have been with my husband for 20 years, it’s a lonely marriage and I don’t know how to handle our problems any more, we have tried marriage counseling but he only went 2ce and he refused to go again. I go to therapy by myself for 10 yrs, but I am starting to believe that is no help because they tell you what you can do to help the marriage but if he isn’t willing to try to help our marriage then it’s a waste of time. I have tried to improve myself by going to college and am going to have my associate degree in a few weeks. He has not showed me any type of approval or love or compassion in any way, he has told me he does not love me many times over the years and only a few times he has told me he loves me. If he does not love me I would take this as the truth if he would attempt to leave me and I can get over it and on with my life but he does not attempt to leave even when I ask him to. We go without sex for 2 to 6 mo’s at a time. I have approached him many times about me wanting to have sex but he ignores the problem and I am now scared to approach him The problems are getting worse and I feel if it is not important to him it’s just not important. .I am starving for his attention and don t want to be the one that leaves him because I don’t want the kids to blame me. And I do love him, and don’t think I could ever make it on my own.


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## Bop (Jan 2, 2008)

Try this. Focus more on him and what he likes and wants. If he loves a sport, learn about it and watch it with him. i.e. If he loves to watch football on Sundays make it an event. Make his favorite meal to have during half time and munchies during. As to sex, are there any things that really turn him on like dressing sexy, oral sex, sexy movies, etc. Think about the past when sex was good and what he was like then. Play to these desires. Hopefully, he will be pleased and eventually start to return the attention. Good luck.


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## simplyme43920 (Jan 8, 2008)

I do that now, him and my boys are football Steelers fans so I claim to be a browns fan, we make Steelers an event every time they play and a party when they play the browns. He enjoys hunting and I tried to do that with him but stopped because he complained about my coughing when I was walking a lot because of my asthma. As for trying to turn him on I am beginning to think nothing turns him on. Im not saying he wont do it, if I initiate it he will have sex but he does not enjoy it leaving me afraid to try things again that he once enjoyed.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

He may have a diminished sex drive or has been rejected in the past. It might also be stress or the age of the kids. Try to communicate with him and se where it goes, the best way might be after the next time you initiate something have a good pillow talk with him.

draconis


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## simplyme43920 (Jan 8, 2008)

my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 21. i have tried to talk about it but he is not good at communicating. he shuts me out and i try hard to follow the rules of fair fighting and not puting blame on him and not being so critical. but i am going to try with those settings thank you


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