# Best intentions, worst outcomes



## cchervin75 (Dec 2, 2021)

Please help me here, if my wife tells our 5 year old to sit on the potty and then I walk up and he hands me a daiper....should I have told him that "mommy said you have to sit on the potty buddy, you can't hand me a daiper"?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

cchervin75 said:


> Please help me here, if my wife tells our 5 year old to sit on the potty and then I walk up and he hands me a daiper....should I have told him that "mommy said you have to sit on the potty buddy, you can't hand me a daiper"?


First, shouldn't have your actual picture in your profile.

I'm not sure what you are even asking. You are asking what you should have said. What is it you actually said/did?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

5 year olds should be sitting on the potty.

You should be backing up your wife on this.

Giving in to your kiddo is bad for him and your marriage.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Assuming there are no special needs, medical concerns, or emotional trauma, a five year old should at least be daytime potty trained. I say daytime trained because some kids do struggle with enuresis (bedwetting).

You and your wife need to be on the same page with this and every other parenting decision. Come up with a plan and stick to it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

5-year-olds wear diapers?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> 5-year-olds wear diapers?


Very astute observation. That is the key point.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Very astute observation. That is the key point.


Yeah I don't have kids so my exposure is limited to my nephew (who is now 12), some of my wife's nieces (not at all often), and our cousins' kids. Don't think I've taken note of a kid wearing a diaper past maybe 2-3. 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> Yeah I don't have kids so my exposure is limited to my nephew (who is now 12), some of my wife's nieces (not at all often), and our cousins' kids. Don't think I've taken note of a kid wearing a diaper past maybe 2-3. 🤷🏻‍♂️


5yo is way long to be not potty trained. All my kids and grandkids were 99% diaper free at 2.5 to 3 yrs.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

cchervin75 said:


> Please help me here, if my wife tells our 5 year old to sit on the potty and then I walk up and he hands me a daiper....should I have told him that "mommy said you have to sit on the potty buddy, you can't hand me a daiper"?


Yes. It eventually got to the point where we would ask our son, "Did you ask Mommy/Daddy already?" "Um." "What was the answer?" "No." (mumble voice) "What have we said about that?" "Don't." Not about diapers in particular, but about other stuff. The reason our children are so adorable to us is so we don't strangle the little womb gremlins. 😉 😂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So since you still have diapers in the house does that mean you have a younger baby as well? If not, get the diapers completely out of the house and give them away. He's way too old not to be potty trained. Don't even go in there with him. Tell him to come out after he's done his business.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> 5-year-olds wear diapers?


Not usually. Mine were out of nappies before 2!!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 5yo is way long to be not potty trained. All my kids and grandkids were 99% diaper free at 2.5 to 3 yrs.


Mine were trained by two. I can't imagine a child of 5 not going on the toilet. Potties are for toddlers.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Potties are for toddlers.


On this side of the pond, "potty" can refer to a little child's potty or the toilet.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

bobert said:


> On this side of the pond, "potty" can refer to a little child's potty or the toilet.


I tell my dog to potty every day. Sometimes I say it to my son (12) to bug him. 😉


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So since you still have diapers in the house does that mean you have a younger baby as well? If not, get the diapers completely out of the house and give them away. He's way too old not to be potty trained. Don't even go in there with him. Tell him to come out after he's done his business.


That could be disastrous and lead to constipation if the child is pee trained but afraid to poop on the toilet. It's a fairly common problem (being afraid to poop on the toilet). More info is definitely needed...


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@cchervin75 ,

When your 5yo goes to the potty, throw a cherrio in there and tell him to sink it. Then, if he hands you a diaper, laugh and tell him, "Buddy that will not fit me. I wear big-boy undies. If you sink the cherrio, you can have big-boy undies like me too!" 

If your wife says he should sit on the potty and not wear diapers, and your 5yo hands you a diaper, then he's trying to play the two of you against each other. Hey, he's a kid--can't blame a guy for trying! It's age appropriate. But YOU, as the parent, should stand unified with your wife even if you disagree. What you say is: "What did mommy say? Oh? She said go potty? Then guess what buddy, that's what I say too!" Then if you do disagree with your wife, you go to your wife privately and the two of you talk about it, and if you reach a new agreement (like "5yo can wear a diaper IN THE BED but no other time") then YOUR WIFE goes to 5yo and says it so that the two of you are always, Always, ALWAYS a united front. Vice versa if you say a rule and 5yo goes to wife and tries to undermine. She stands with your rule even if she disagrees--then when the child is away, she speaks to you about it and the two adults reach agreement, and the one who made the rule (dad) would change the rule. 

Make sense?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobert said:


> On this side of the pond, "potty" can refer to a little child's potty or the toilet.


Oh right. Didn't know that.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

cchervin75 said:


> Please help me here, if my wife tells our 5 year old to sit on the potty and then I walk up and he hands me a daiper....*should I have told him that "mommy said you have to sit on the potty buddy, you can't hand me a daiper"*?


Yes you should have.

But a 5 year old should be fully toilet trained, with the exception of special needs. Does your 5 year old have any special needs?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I tell my dog to potty every day. Sometimes I say it to my son (12) to bug him. 😉


You're going to go to hell for that.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You're going to go to hell for that.


😂Of all the reasons I’m bound for hell, this worries me the least.

Honestly, I don’t know what it is. Embarrassing him is like heroin to me. 😂 I just want to put in IN MY VEINS, I can’t help it. I don’t do it front of his friends but at home it’s open season. In my defense, I hate wire hangers and he will put them on my makeup table, under my pillow, in the shower… I can’t be mad cause I know where he gets it.

So guess what, OP, it’s only gonna get better from here. 🤪


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You throw the diaper in the trash and say "Time to man up little Buddy, in a short 10 years you'll be getting a learners permit, it's way past time to stop ѕhitting yourself".


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Trident said:


> You throw the diaper in the trash and say "Time to man up little Buddy, in a short 10 years you'll be getting a learners permit, it's way past time to stop sh!tting yourself".


Yeah because shaming the kid for either medical/emotional issues or the parent's crappy parenting or is such a great idea


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> 😂Of all the reasons I’m bound for hell, this worries me the least.
> 
> Honestly, I don’t know what it is. Embarrassing him is like heroin to me. 😂 I just want to put in IN MY VEINS, I can’t help it. I don’t do it front of his friends but at home it’s open season. In my defense, I hate wire hangers and he will put them on my makeup table, under my pillow, in the shower… I can’t be mad cause I know where he gets it.
> 
> So guess what, OP, it’s only gonna get better from here. 🤪


Hahaha. Funny about the wire hangers. Okay, Joan.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Hahaha. Funny about the wire hangers. Okay, Joan.


I know, right? I honestly cannot help it. They drive me bezonkers, they're just the worst. Incidentally, I went to work out and found 3 on my Peloton. That kid. 

I may have missed it in the thread, but is there a new brother or sister? Sometimes when a new baby comes, kids will do things like this. The baby gets diapers, so they want diapers again.

My son did not care for potty training, because it required him to stop playing to go to the potty. It was very inconvenient for him. 😂 While there is always the possibility of some deeper medical or emotional issue, and if that is a concern you should of course see a doctor immediately, most of the time it's just that potty training is kind of a pain and most kids aren't super into it. It's way easier to just go whenevs and have mom or dad clean it up after. They'll also resist when it's time to start doing other things for themselves, like putting away their toys, cleaning their rooms... all that kind of stuff is normal. Most of the time it's just part of becoming a big kid. It's also very normal and healthy for kids to test boundaries and playing your parents against one another is a very age appropriate expression of figuring out the rules of life. It's more likely than not that this is just part of normal kid development.


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