# Overworked husband backs out on vacation



## outgoingandfree (Sep 3, 2008)

Sometimes I felt that my DH works really hard without realizing that we both need a vacation. He says that he really really wants to take a vacation but because he's an enterpreneur he can not be irresponsible. I felt like our relationship is all work and no play. 

Several times he told me that we will take our vacations. But in the end, he backed out. We haven't yet taken our honeymoon. And I'm afraid that we will never will once we get situated. (With the new house we just bought and trying to get pregnant)

I just wanted to enjoy our moments together in a tranquility places where no one is there to disturb us. I wanted to start a good memory before it ends. Life to me is too short. (Both my parents past away recently ... maybe that is the other reason I felt that I must imprint a good poem in a blank page)

What to do? Please help us?


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

Someone has to work and bring in the cash. You see that nice house and lifestyle you have? It's probably because he's working his butt off for and your future family. Yes, it would be nice if we could all take a 5-week vacation, but the truth is that the cost of living isn't cheap. 

What you could suggest to your husband is to work smarter and not harder and find a new job. Assuming he's making a low salary by working 80-100 hours a week, he should look into going back to school for an advanced degree or winning the lottery so that he can work less and make more money. I have a neighbor who makes A LOT of money. He's a well known tech publisher. Sad thing is that his wife and 2 children are always home alone while he's out traveling all over the world for work. But, they have a great huge house, nice car, and they seem happy.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

The same thing ended my first marriage and that is when I finally started to listen to what people tell me. Sit him dowm and tell his that the marriage is in jeopardy. Don't let him think he can put it off. I always felt that way and it caused a rift like what you explained. The irony was that by losing my first wife I started to understand all that I did wrong.

draconis


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## outgoingandfree (Sep 3, 2008)

He felt that he worked hard for us and he drags me in it too. (I also work with him in the restaurant). We worked 60hr+ and it was enough for me to tell him that I felt that money is everything to him and of course he would be on the defensive side and told me that the customer would be dissatisfied if we close for a week. I only asked for a week. or maybe half a week. Now that I finish venting out ... to end this complaining. I love him, I support his decision but there are times I wanted him to notice mine too. *teary


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

outgoingandfree said:


> . I love him, I support his decision but there are times I wanted him to notice mine too. *teary


That is perfect, tell him that.

draconis


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## outgoingandfree (Sep 3, 2008)

hi everyone thanks for your kindness advise and wisdom..Im Outgoingfree's husband....I need your help too....my wife she wants us to take a small vacation once in blue moon...most the time I said yes....end up didn't work out..(but we did went to CanCun toghether).......I backed out not because I didn't want to go with her...because our financial is not stable yet...due to her school loan, her vacation in Hawaii, Las Vegas..and $10000.00 in her credit card...my emergency trip out of the country due to grandma passed away......Thanks the lord..we able to pay all of it just recently...I told her I want to take vacation with her.. but not with credit card because the last three years we worked hard to pay those off...and im getting tire of paying the bill....Please give me your advise....still take a vacation with her anyways or wait till our financial secure a little bit...am I wrong to back out or put on hold...please give me your advise...Please..thanks


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I would recommend a compromise...rather than an expensive trip, why not plan a weekend in the city, hotel for a night and attend an event? Something where the two of you can get away alone but doesn't break the bank.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

I think more frequent small trips are going to be a great way to go here. You both get needed time away, but not breaking the bank doing so. My wife and I have not been on a long vacation for 3 years now. We have taken long weekends out of town since then, but nothing that requires a lot of money.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

outgoingandfree said:


> hi everyone thanks for your kindness advise and wisdom..Im Outgoingfree's husband....I need your help too....my wife she wants us to take a small vacation once in blue moon...most the time I said yes....end up didn't work out..(but we did went to CanCun toghether).......I backed out not because I didn't want to go with her...because our financial is not stable yet...due to her school loan, her vacation in Hawaii, Las Vegas..and $10000.00 in her credit card...my emergency trip out of the country due to grandma passed away......Thanks the lord..we able to pay all of it just recently...I told her I want to take vacation with her.. but not with credit card because the last three years we worked hard to pay those off...and im getting tire of paying the bill....Please give me your advise....still take a vacation with her anyways or wait till our financial secure a little bit...am I wrong to back out or put on hold...please give me your advise...Please..thanks


How about someplace you can drive to, close to home without as many expenses?

draconis


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

It's funny when you get both sides of the story. A tearful wife complaining about a hard working husband who wont take her on another exotic vacation. Boo hoo. 

Then we hear about the hawaii, vegas vacation, high credit card bills run up by wife. Ummmm........sounds like someone is a bit spoiled. And the advice people give is to take her on another trip. Not good.

She needs a slap with a wet noodle and tell her to start appreciating her hard working husband who sounds like a guy who is very responsible and WANTS to take her wife on vacation AGAIN when the time is right.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I agree just a local place for the weekend that you both can get away to, We have a seperate "vacation" account, we put money in there to save up for special vacations...because I hate bills too.

Getting out of debt is very tough, especially if you own your own business. Kudos to you. Put the credit cards away, and keep things in check.

A weekend alone at a local place sounds good.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

I think its interesting that the OP's husband came on here, using the OP's account. In my experience it is very very rare that a person posting on a help forum will reveal the thread to his/her partner.

Well assuming its on all the level, we have quite a diatribe going here. It sounds like you guys own a restaurant. Given that piece of knowledge, 60 hours per week actually sounds pretty tame, especially if you are open for lunch and dinner.

I can understand not wanting to take time off, and why he can't just change his hours. Closing a restaurant for a week is a BIG deal, and you can't just make that money back right away.

Is it really true that this wife has actually had several very nice vacations, and racked up debt? I am not sure what to believe now.

I hope that they were at least able to see each others point of view.


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## outgoingandfree (Sep 3, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> We have a seperate "vacation" account, we put money in there to save up for special vacations...because I hate bills too.


I think we should do that, get a "vacation account". Thank you for the great idea- wife.


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## outgoingandfree (Sep 3, 2008)

Me and my husband would like to thank all for the good advices. We thinking of taking a mini Thanksgiving holiday. This forum is really new and helpful to us. Thanks again.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

To the husband... I think you are wrong to keep backing out of vacations with your wife. If you want to go, go. If you don't, then don't tell her you'll go and then back out. That's just not right either. Make a deal with the wife... if she stops spending spending spending, you guys can start saving saving saving, and then see how much you can save for a nice vacation sometime in the distant future. But for now, like everyone else said, just take an overnight trip locally. Or go to a spa together, that's relaxing. Leave the cell phones at home... that should be vacation enough. 

Chopblock, my husband knows I'm on here and could figure out how to look at what I've written if he so desires. Sometimes we read some threads together just for kicks. =)


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## outgoingandfree (Sep 3, 2008)

Thanks...He did take me out on many mini trips, out town, beaches, dinning out, spas..After I read all your advices..help me open up a little bit more..no..a lot more..but I really want him to relax too...I see him work too much..I guess im a bit spoiled....thanks everyone for sharing your opinion...


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Don't get me wrong -- oftentimes the way a person expresses his/her problem on a forum is also the ideal formulation of said problem that should be shown to the spouse. However, not all spouses see it that way.


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## jennyc (Aug 27, 2008)

I had the same issue with my ex. He would be very busy with work...it was tough for him to take days off to get away. It bugged me a lot, but we made a deal that we'd go away once a year around christmas-new years time since there are like 3 days off in that time frame and its slower. Then, whenever I could plan it, id do a short getaway on a long holiday weekend. See if you can negotiate something with him


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## outgoingandfree (Sep 3, 2008)

thanks Jenny...


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