# How to kill the male sex drive?



## goingtosnap (May 24, 2012)

Well, several months ago, posted about how I felt like my wife has been weening me off sex. 

And it hasn't gotten better. 

And I am so tired of it. I can't divorce her, nor will I. I don't believe in it. So don't suggest it. 

And I am so tired of getting turned down, told she is too tired, that it is all I think about, all the other excuses I am told, I just can't take it anymore. 

So in order to make this easier, is there anyway to kill a male sex drive? And yes, I know this sounds insane, but I am serious. 
I am going on 3 months of no sex, and still in my 30's. It has been driving me crazy, and I am just giving up in trying to get her to change her mind. 
She is still affectionate, and loving, but zero sex. Told me she doesn't want to have it. 

And I have explored the reasons. No childhood trauma, went to counseling, and that did nothing, doctor checked up and everything was normal. She just doesn't want sex. 

And no infidelity. I went on lockdown mode for almost 8 weeks looking for evidence, and found nothing. 

So, how do I kill my sex drive? I am at the end of the options I see. I just want it gone. It would make my marriage so much easier at this point.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

If this isn't a deparate plea for help and you are sincere, you're not going to find many people here who will cooperate with the eurhanizing of a part of your persona just like a doctor probably wouldn't assist in a patient's suicide.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Prozac...... I asked the Dr. once what I could do cause my wife was driving me insane....he said anti-depressants er whatever. I said what about sex. He said we could just rub noses together before we say good night.


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## goingtosnap (May 24, 2012)

Interlocutor said:


> If this isn't a deparate plea for help and you are sincere, you're not going to find many people here who will cooperate with the eurhanizing of a part of your persona just like a doctor probably wouldn't assist in a patient's suicide.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


IF it was a plea for help, I would've told my wife to see if she would tell me not to. But I doubt she would. She would probably go along with it. 
But after being turned down for so long, and still in my 30's, I am at my wit's end. 

No, I am being serious. I am just tired of it. 

And I told my doctor. He said he won't help me because no doctor could do that to a patient without worrying about the consequences.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

To kill your sex drive you should stop teasing yourself. Avoid all affection from your wife. Also, hold back on giving her any affection. Do not touch her. Only talk with her about "business". Basically, treat her as a roommate. By allowing her to be affectionate, you are allowing her to lead you on. In short, turn down the thermostat, and pull a 180.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> To kill your sex drive you should stop teasing yourself. Avoid all affection from your wife. Also, hold back on giving her any affection. Do not touch her. Only talk with her about "business". Basically, treat her as a roommate. By allowing her to be affectionate, you are allowing her to lead you on. In short, turn down the thermostat, and pull a 180.


Precisely. And by giving your wife affection you're actually still meeting some of her needs for her, while she doesn't meet your sexual needs. It's a one-sided relationship right now... it works for her so she sees no reason to change.

Give what you get and then see how she likes it.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Ask your doctor to remove your prostate.



> And I am so tired of it. I can't divorce her, nor will I. I don't believe in it. So don't suggest it.


So, she can forgo fulfilling her marital vows and you are willing to accept that break in commitment? Not only accept it, but to be willing to conform to her nonsexual self? I thought that is where I was at as well until I realized how she doesn't care about me. I would do anything for my wife, but the same can't be said the other way around. Since this is the case, I lost my unconditional love I once thought I had. You should too.


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## juicecondensation (Oct 11, 2012)

It won't kill your sex drive but have you considered watching porn to satisfy your needs? 

If a wife won't have sex with her man. She shouldn't complain if he turns to porn.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Please, you are making a huge and serious mistake.

You should never ever stop trying to figure out how to uncork the sexual side of your wife. It's in there.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

juicecondensation said:


> It won't kill your sex drive but have you considered watching porn to satisfy your needs?
> 
> If a wife won't have sex with her man. She shouldn't complain if he turns to porn.


hell, my wife has told me to go take care of it


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## juicecondensation (Oct 11, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Please, you are making a huge and serious mistake.
> 
> *You should never ever stop trying to figure out how to uncork the sexual side of your wife. * It's in there.


You can't expect a man to try forever and ever to get his wife to be sexual, it's extremley mentally draining and theres only so much rejection you can take. The OP seems to have done everything he can. 

Far from all women have a sexual side. It's not always "in there".


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You are asking us to help you be emotionally abused by your wife. I cannot in good conscience help you.

If you are opposed to divorce for Biblical reasons you are not informed about what the Bible says.

If you are opposed because you have children, the pain you feel is your sacrifice (needless imho) to keep the family living in one home.

If you are opposed because of some non-religious morality, you are way out on the far fringes. You are entitled to your values, but be aware that you aren't going to find many people who sympathize with your situation.

If you are opposed because you gave your word and it is a contract, what happens when the other person fails to deliver on their half of the contract? Did your vows have "to have and to hold" in them? How about "Love, honor, and cherish"?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

When she tries to be affectionate and loving give her the cold shoulder. Marriage is a two way street. When she asks why tell her it's because she doesn't respect your normal sexual needs as a man, so you can't be teased and stimulated by her 'sisterly' hugs and kisses.
She needs a consequences to her actions or she'll have your balls in her purse for the rest of your life.

Move into the spare bedroom. Politely say that you can't handle being physically close to her because is gives you impulses that you can no longer tolerate not being met.

SHE needs a major wake up call. Her behaviour is outrageous!.

By sleeping in the spare room, or on the couch, you won't play her little game of pretending to be a married couple.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

She isn't tired. She dislikes sex with you. 

Have you asked her why? 




goingtosnap said:


> Well, several months ago, posted about how I felt like my wife has been weening me off sex.
> 
> And it hasn't gotten better.
> 
> ...


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Sex and intimacy are basic human needs. It's not natural to turn those off. 

So, good luck with that unhealthy relationships where your needs aren't important.


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

Ya know dude we all have been there.But to hear a another say it out loud I feel for you.I am going thur the same thing. And of course like all the other guys all we all do is try to change our wifes.Well I am here to tell you to change yourself.Its comforting from within.Sex has always been a battle for us.But last week something happened to me.I was taking care of myself and finished off and a small dribble of sperm came out of me.And I said to self.Is this really worth all the attention it gets . Why do I ruin my life for a little jizz.Theirs no romance,Theirs no affection,Kissing, We tend to blow it out of proportion.It seems to me that once I remove sex from our relationship its all good.Yes I am doing my own style of a 180.It works. but is it worth it.Don't know yet.Right now I am giving up on my wife to ever becoming the women I want in life. She is not capable of a well balance sex life with me.So I have removed everything from her that I give to her.She has lost a lover and a friend in me. And she acts like she is happier than ever.OMG she doesn't have to service me with her 2-3 mins. a week again. I raise the white flag and she can keep it to herself.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What needs to happen is a change in the dynamic from you perusing and getting rejection, to her perusing and you being aloof. She should be asking herself everyday, why is my husband not into me? What is he doing when he's gone? Who is he talking to? Am I losing him? She should be chasing you. That's one possible outcome of my advice above. Another possibility is that you find out very quickly that despite you not "believing" in divorce, she very much believes in it and is only there as long as the marriage is one sided.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

How to kill the male sex drive?

Just keep doing what you're doing since you said divorce isn't an option. 

Although I agree with what Bottled Up said as well, you're giving her some of what she needs, but yet you get nothing in return, so no longer meet her needs, and it will probably kill everything.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *GoingToSnap said:* So, how do I kill my sex drive? I am at the end of the options I see. I just want it gone.


 So very sad, to take something as Life giving as a sex drive and just want it washed away...how you have not climbed Mount Everest in Resentment towards your wife is beyond my understanding. :scratchhead:

Just want to say, I think some men Love TOO MUCH, too sacrificially - to the detriment of themselves. Can you really call this Living? 

Your thread made me think of this old one > http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/38669-sexless-marriage-castration-answer.html

Here is the Thermostat Thread >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html

and 

Here is the 180 >>




> Plan A vs. 180 Plan - Marriage Builders® Forums
> 
> 180
> 
> ...


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

You may not divorce her but she's getting the plan together to divorce you. 

Be on the look out for large tan brown envelopes on the kitchen counter or table with your name on them.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/60394-tampon-left-vagina-women-only-its-gross.html#post1200229

look here for your answer.


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

Its a real shame that just a women not wanting to be touched but you.Wouldn't kill your desire for her.It took my wife 3 weeks to realize I have not asked for sex or wanted anything from her?
This mouring she asked for the first time in yrs. why I have not tried to get in her P.Js. But I am learning you don't come back with any B.S. I just said I don't know and left it at that.Or my real reason would of turn in to another fight.The sex is really not that good my friend. THe problem we all have is we want what we can't have. I would have to beleive that most L.D. people would proablly get a three or a four in performance out of ten. It seems to good with it all


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

I'm never getting married.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

goingtosnap said:


> Well, several months ago, posted about how I felt like my wife has been weening me off sex.
> 
> And it hasn't gotten better.
> 
> ...


She's made a unilateral decision to cease sex in your marriage? OK.

Enjoy outside sex. Make sure you tell her exactly why you're doing it, and that you don't plan to keep it a secret.

With any luck you'll get your rocks off, and she'll have the guts to do what you refuse to; divorce you. All will be free.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

The way I see it, the marriage is over. She wants to be friends and you're willing to go along with that.

Very sad 

I had elements of that in my first marriage. She withdrew. I tolerated it for years. To a point.

Now she is my "ex" and I'm happy again, in a new marriage.

My advice: Revisit your policy against divorce. Is it worth ruining your life to stay with her when niether of you two are happy with the marriage?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Now I remember. She yells at you. Has physically hit/kicked you. Kicked you - and MADE you leave the bed and sleep on the couch. 

AND seems like she is having an affair. 

You claim you are the victim in every post. She won't sleep with you because you act like a scared little boy. 




goingtosnap said:


> Well, several months ago, posted about how I felt like my wife has been weening me off sex.
> 
> And it hasn't gotten better.
> 
> ...


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## goingtosnap (May 24, 2012)

Reasons for not divorcing:

I said I would love her, in sickness or health. To love and cherish. 

The only ground in my eyes for divorce, are cheating. No other grounds for divorce. Period. 
So while you all may have different opinions, I don't care. I am not divorcing her until I have proof of adultry. 



MEM11363 said:


> Now I remember. She yells at you. Has physically hit/kicked you. Kicked you - and MADE you leave the bed and sleep on the couch.
> 
> AND seems like she is having an affair.
> 
> You claim you are the victim in every post. She won't sleep with you because you act like a scared little boy.


Yes....She did. 

I got her to realize what she was doing, and she immediatley apologized, started being overly affectionate, and has really turned herself around in every department...except one. 

And trust me, if she was having an affair, I would've discovered it. Got her messages, got her email, her old email, her phone records, even followed her for a night, checked up on her at work, and nothing. Not a trace. 
And I felt horrible for not trusting her. 

I am going to try and get a doctor to prescribe some anti-depressants, and couple that with the 180. 
See if she notices. 

And yes, to anyone wondering. 
Resentment is building.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So, you are "Trying 2 figure it out"?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

goingtosnap said:


> She is still affectionate, and loving, but zero sex. Told me she doesn't want to have it.
> 
> And I have explored the reasons. No childhood trauma, *went to counseling, and that did nothing*, doctor checked up and everything was normal. She just doesn't want sex.


What happened during counseling? How long did you go? Were you both open and honest with the counselor and with each other? Did she say why she isn't interested in sex with you?

Did you discuss with the counselor the fact that your wife kicked you?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

She is cheating. Look harder. Plus - you never fixed the respect issue which is a huge turn off for her.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Have you read Married Mans Sex Life? Google it. Read it.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> To kill your sex drive you should stop teasing yourself. Avoid all affection from your wife. Also, hold back on giving her any affection. Do not touch her. Only talk with her about "business". Basically, treat her as a roommate. By allowing her to be affectionate, you are allowing her to lead you on. In short, turn down the thermostat, and pull a 180.


That works just fine destroying the feelings for the wife. But the moment a cute little 20 y/o walks buy your brain is going to remind you that you still have testosterone coursing around in your bloodstream.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Why are you allowing her to treat you like this?

You being a door matt will not make her want you. Most women are attracted fair minded men who also will not put up with nonsense from them. They know if they want a good relationship, that they have to treat him well. 

If she knows you will never leave, she will keep on taking advantage of you.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

So I would rather live a life I am going to hate until I die instead of getting out of a marraige where my wife just wants to be good buddies is what you are saying.I don't get it, because as they say there are no do overs.


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

goingtosnap said:


> Well, several months ago, posted about how I felt like my wife has been weening me off sex.
> 
> [..]
> 
> So, how do I kill my sex drive? I am at the end of the options I see. I just want it gone. It would make my marriage so much easier at this point.


well. from firsthand experience - mine just died on its own one day. my life hasn't become much happier now, truth be told. it indeed has become calmer, though. I can see things more clearly, you know; this "wantsexwantsexwantsex" haze blurs vision quite significantly, now I'm in the "f* it, I'm tired, will see what life will bring me" phase .

I plan to visit the doc, to see if T levels are OK, etc - maybe this is physical, but I somehow doubt that.

anyway - I don't recommend to go that way. unless you like being in an overcast desert, no rain expected, but no vegetation also.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

goingtosnap said:


> Reasons for not divorcing:
> 
> I said I would love her, in sickness or health. To love and cherish.
> 
> ...


How about _infidelity_?

As an aside, I decided divorce was not an option. We had small children when the sex declined to about once every 18 months. I was still pursuing her once in while but slowly turning off my sexuality.

That was when she decided I had checked out of the marriage. As long as I was attempting even feebly to get sex from her _she knew she had me on the hook_. When I no longer appeared to need sex was when she apparently decided it was ok to then go outside the marriage to get her needs met.

So pretty soon your wife will have a PA to hang your divorce on. Will that then make you morally superior compared to just divorcing her now on the grounds of infidelity to the marriage?

And yes you will resent giving up your sexuality for this woman who has no regard for you. You are not being noble you are being _used and abused_ by this woman.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife was the same. She never had a sex drive though. I held out for 18 years before I did a version of the 180 before I knew what it was. For the first time in 18 years we had regular sex. At the same time, I felt like she was doing me a favor or something. I'd rather not have sex that way.

So when I slip on the 180...It doesn't take long for sex to stop. There is no romance, passion, lust, desire...When we have sex...that's all it is. No feelings. I don't want that kind of sex.

If you do end up trying the 180, do you really think her desire will change? For me, I think my marriage is over. Other than brief periods of happiness, it is just the crumbs she is willing to give me to keep me around. 

Divorce may not happen any time soon. Her sister is a Lawyer for one thing. For another I have a wonderful daughter I'd rather not be away from. Another is money because my wife just started to work after 9 years of being a SAHM. So my situation is a little different.

I think my wife would be happy if we were just roomates.It's just a matter of time.

I don't want to wait until one of us has a PA before we divorce! I scares me to think of that as a possibility.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

juicecondensation said:


> You can't expect a man to try forever and ever to get his wife to be sexual, it's extremley mentally draining and theres only so much rejection you can take. The OP seems to have done everything he can.
> 
> Far from all women have a sexual side. It's not always "in there".


He's better off assuming his wife has a sexual side then cutting out his prostate.

99% chance she does.


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

I heard lickorice (sic?) Lowers sexdrive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Well_Spouse (Feb 2, 2011)

Finasteride

An Androgen antagonist and can be used to treat sexual deviants with the same effect as what you are requesting. A reduction in Libido. Note I doubt you will find many physicians willing to go along with this as the side effects are significant including the possibility of Sterility, inability to obtain an erection, loss of muscle mass, etc.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

goingtosnap said:


> I can't divorce her, nor will I. I don't believe in it. So don't suggest it.


You say "I wont take divorce for an answer" 

She hears "I'll put up with your **** ad infinum"


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Already Gone said:


> Divorce may not happen any time soon. Her sister is a Lawyer for one thing. For another I have a wonderful daughter I'd rather not be away from. Another is money *because my wife just started to work after 9 years of being a SAHM*. So my situation is a little different..


Check the alimony laws in your state. It could be that 10 years of marriage triggers alimony. In my state it triggers a year for year alimony from 10 up until 20 years of marriage, then it becomes _permanent_ alimony. Imagine getting married at 21, divorce at 20 years later at age 41, and then be on the hook until death 40 or 50 years later! That is a heck of a penalty. Anyhow be sure you are fully informed on what your landscape is so that you make wise decisions.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

goingtosnap said:


> Reasons for not divorcing:
> 
> I said I would love her, in sickness or health. To love and cherish.
> 
> The only ground in my eyes for divorce, are cheating. No other grounds for divorce. Period.


Well good luck. There really are no solutions to offer you. Your marriage is, for all intents and purposes, dead. If you choose to stay handcuffed to a rotting corpse for the rest of your life, enjoy.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

goingtosnap said:


> *The only ground in my eyes for divorce, are cheating. No other grounds for divorce. Period.
> So while you all may have different opinions, I don't care. I am not divorcing her until I have proof of adultry. *


This is your choice of course. You may want to broaden this however to her being unfaithful to you.

What exactly IS cheating? I guess having sex outside the marriage. I have a broader view, but you say she is not involved with other men.

I am just suggesting that her not meeting this fundamental need is being unfaithful to you. If she is capable of having sex then IMHO he should put in the effort. If she is physically unable to have sex. that is another matter.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Castration or divorce. Eeeny Meeny Miny Mo.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Dude get a fleshlight and be happy.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Dude you have completely lost your mind. She has won and your now talking about becoming a unich. 

It was discovered that men who have their balls removed before their late 30s;

1)Live longer lives, because testosterone is an aging booster.

2)Don't grow hair on their backs & chest.

3)Don't get receading hairlines.

4)Don't pester their wives in bed.

5)Don't think about sex & have actual lives to live.

6)Retain their physical beauty longer.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Enginerd said:


> Dude you have completely lost your mind. She has won and your now talking about becoming a unich.
> 
> It was discovered that men who have their balls removed before their late 30s;
> 
> ...


I.E, they become women?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

goingtosnap said:


> The only ground in my eyes for divorce, are cheating. No other grounds for divorce. Period.
> So while you all may have different opinions, I don't care. I am not divorcing her until I have proof of adultry.


I am assuming that your belief in divorce only for adultery is based on the Bible. If so, you should do some research on the subject. The verses don't say that divorcing your wife is a sin. They say that divorcing your wife, except for immorality, and remarrying another woman is a sin.

Now, the majority opinion on the word immorality is that the author meant infidelity. But, even so, you may divorce your wife and remain single if you wish. Also, you may separate without sinning.

But, let's assume that you will refuse to do either of those. In that case, your only option is to lower the thermostat and/or run the 180. Stop catering to your wife. Identify her needs and stop providing for them. That might get her attention.

However, if she just wants to be your roommate, it's going to be a long shot to change her mind.

Good luck.


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## Bernie485 (Apr 25, 2016)

*Can a woman be unable to feel pleasure?*

I know of a woman who is in her mid 50's now and who states that she has never been able to have any physical enjoyment while having sex and this since she first became sexually active in her teens; is this really possible and is there nothing that can be done for her?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

This thread is from 2012.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Castration will work. 
There is actually a website dedicated to this. Some guys enjoy the complete loss of their sex drive.

The only way I have found to decrease my sex drive is to get my wife to want sex more than me. It has taken about 4 years, but I am currently at that stage. It's a wonderful place to be.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Not having sex on the marital agenda is far from the norm!

If she cannot be helped by the medical and psychology community practitioners, then you have every right to solve this problem by the members of the legal community! 

No self-respecting man deserves to be put through the meat-grinder that you've been horrendously subjected to, which in and of itself, is both cruel and inhuman!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UMP said:


> Castration will work.
> There is actually a website dedicated to this. Some guys enjoy the complete loss of their sex drive.


Some historically a bit too much!

Why Castrati Made Better Lovers | The Smart Set



> For Europe’s high society women, the obvious benefit of built-in contraception made castrati ideal targets for discreet affairs. Soon popular songs and pamphlets began suggesting that castration actually enhanced a man’s sexual performance, as the lack of sensation ensured extra endurance; stories spread of the castrati as considerate lovers, whose attention was entirely focused on the woman. As one groupie eagerly put it, the best of the singers enjoyed “a spirit in no wise dulled, and a growth of hair that differs not from other men.” When the most handsome castrato of all, Farinelli, visited London in 1734, a poem written by an anonymous female admirer derided local men as “Bragging Boasters” whose enthusiasm “expires too fast, While F—–lli stands it to the last.”


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

UMP said:


> Castration will work.
> There is actually a website dedicated to this. Some guys enjoy the complete loss of their sex drive.
> 
> The only way I have found to decrease my sex drive is to get my wife to want sex more than me. It has taken about 4 years, but I am currently at that stage. It's a wonderful place to be.


*Makes me wonder who might have "castrated" her!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

most men are emotionally castrated through marriage...it begins when they say "I do"


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

I can speak first hand that my X rejected me over and over and over and over until I literally had no choice but to shut completely down sexually. But wait there's more! Once I sexually shut down and stopped advancing all together she started wanting sex! I personally could not take living with her as a roomate and filed for D eventually. After that I have done my best to stay celibate and plan to at least thru my 30's.

Since practicing this my career has skyrocketed, I am in the best shape of my life, and I have a MUCH clearer view and enjoy life much more without the aversion of sex or a woman in my life to muddy the water. I always believed sex was a need, but have found it's not. It is simply a luxury of life and one I can live without, just like I can live without a Ferrari. I just turned 31 and have been completely sex free for the last 1.5 years, it's been hard because since going to the gym and dropping 60lbs I have been hit on many times, and the few women I have become friends with have always wanted more so I have had to end those relationships sadly. I have met some really great women, some of which are extremely beautiful but have fought off these feelings so that I protect myself and not fall into the same trap.

In my eyes an orgasm is an orgasm. If the need arises, it's not hard to perform a "solo act" and get your head back in the game. Another plus side is you don't waste hours having sex while you can be enjoying life to it's fullest! I personally will NEVER allow a woman to even have the chance to put me through something like that again. I would rather be celibate for the rest of my life than to deal with the BS of a relationship.

Maybe discuss celibacy with your Wife and see if she will embrace it with you? Be prepared for her to act like she is a sex crazed teen in puberty though, that's what mine did.

Whatever you choose to do, good luck and let us know!


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