# Don't want this to end....



## LostInChicagoBurbs (Feb 22, 2009)

So I will start off by saying that my wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for a total of 13. We have 3 kids and have had some very rocky times. We have run the gamut of marriage difficulties of which is mostly my fault. When we were married for 3 years, I kissed another woman and that's all it was nothing else but I hid it from her until I told her about 6 months later and this is issue #1 as she calls that an affair and that I tore her apart (still to this day this gets thrown in my face). #2 we have had financial difficulties because I thought I could do it all on my own but unfortunately we couldn't. I have since tried to change my controlling issues I have with money and now am working on that right now as a together issuebut she still has a lack of trust and when ever anything goes wrong she just starts yelling and can't have a conversation. This all brings us to past 2 months of our marriage. I was offered a job in Phoenix (we live in Chicago) and after much discussion and her saying she understoodit was best for the family we moved away from everyone to Phoenix. She told everyone that she was happy that she could live her dream of being a stay at home mom. Well unfortunately in the middle of January I was laid off, and I told her and without even discussing it she started yelling at me and said I'm going back home. There was no discussion to this and she said "I lied I never wanted to come here I just wanted to show support for you. You can stay here or move back to Chicago with me and the kids." At this time we had ahouse that we were renting in Arizona as well which was a year lease and were responsible for (I've since found a renter to take overthe property) and I relented and came back becaus I could not be away from my children. So we moved back to Chicago and we are living with her parents with the 3 children and the 3 dogs. I want to just move forward and forget about the past but she can't move forwartd, she says she forgives me but can't forget. Today we had a blow up and I'm at my parents house because of it, she told me she doesn't love me anymore and all these hurtful things that can't be taken back in an argument. She said she doesn't know what she wants to do, I told her that she needs to just let go of the past and she does not know if she can. I honestly can not see myself without her and or my children but I feel as though I'm not given a chance. We don't have jobs up here in Chicago and not really any good prospects either and this is all my fault according to her....

Sorry for the long rambling post, but what does everyone think, is this fixable?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Gosh! I wished my "ex to be" had just kissed another woman. That I could have dealt with and would never have given it a second thought. Your wife seems to be insecure among other things. The current economy isn't helping matters either.

Is there any way for you to get counseling? This might be a stretch since you are unemployed. The money I have spent on counseling has been well worth it. Do you have a minister or priest you could talk to? In addition to counseling, I've received much help from reading self-help books, and attending church. I suspecting your wife is angry. It could really take some digging to get to the root of the whole problem. And she probably won't even admit she has a problem. My husband wouldn't go to counseling or admit he has a problem either. 

Good luck and hope you find a job soon.


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## LostInChicagoBurbs (Feb 22, 2009)

Without jobs, these kinds of outlets is all I have right now as I just can't be spending money willy nilly. I suggested going to a priest but she said no because they aren't professionals. She said she has to fix herself and until then we will continue to suffer. Which is my problem is the fact that she is not making an effort in the meantime until we fix the issue or try to fix the issue with a professional. I've realized now that I'm done making mistakes and I want to make those changes, control my anger, controlling with the money I took care of the girl thing a long time ago.....But when in an argument someone says "I don't love you, I haven't loved you" that stuff hurts even though I'm not sure if she means it or not.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Since counseling isn't an option at the moment, the priest will probably be your best bet. Just because she won't go, doesn't mean you can't. She has said some hurtful things to you and you deserve to find some peace. Regardless of what her issues are, you need to work on yourself. Once you do that, many things improve. Also, I found great benefit from attending church. I made new friends and found compassionate people to talk to. This forum is great too. Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone (or write). You should read some of my earlier post--I nearly had a melt-down when my soap opera life began. Nothing has really improved with my situation, but I've learned how to deal with things better. Just remember to take one day at a time.....


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