# When was you Sexual awakening?



## marriedguy

My wife is 27yrs old and she still doesnt initiate sex, she has insecurities about her weight(really isn't that much of an issue I think)
She enjoys sex but there doesnt seem to be ever a time that shes just craving it..
When we have sex I'm always dictating everything, alot of the "wilder" things I crave (and she knows I do) she will never initiate..when I
Suggest them she usually takes a while to get herself to do them (mostly oral stuff)..

The thing that frustrates me the most is how squemish she gets when I ejaculate..sperm grosses her out..she wont kiss me after I go down on her, or vice versa, and oral from her can never be done in the middle of sex..she is disgusted by her own sex juices..mine as well(she wipes my **** down before oral even though I keep everything very clean and shaven)..she also will not touch herself..never has except to clean, but has never masterbated.

Having said all that..and given her age..no religous uphangings (although she is a believer)..shes very modern, loves using makeup..overall very girly..
Whats the chance of a sexual awakening for her? So she might enjoy the taste and smell the sex and crave more erotic positions?

can anyone relate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## humanbecoming

Yep, my wife is exactly like that... A freaking sexual Camel that magically never needs a refill.

Good luck. It never ends


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## dubbizle

How long have you been married and what was sex like before you do married?


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## heartsbeating

Okay, I'll take a stab at this.

While I acknowledge there may be a chance she will always be this way, my thoughts lean towards creating a safe, trusting and positive relationship. It's dealing with the emotional side of sex. The intent isnt for a sexual outcome, but rather to help build the type of relationship whereby being vulnerable is met with understanding and security. 

I do think there's an art to seduction and seduction needn't be in a negative context. Positive experiences, feeling safe and trust in my man is what helps me be open and free with him - along with my own attitudes towards sex and intimacy.

I don't know when my "awakening" was. I was a confident flirt as a youngster while still being somewhat naive, innocent and guarded. I think I knew the type of lover I wanted to be though. Maybe my awakening was more a state of mind but my experiences with sex seem to be constantly changing... And much of this seems to be around mindset.

Recently I met up with a couple of girlfriends. The conversation went to sex and bj's as one friend said she's just not "feeling it" lately with her man. She's exhausted after work, the kids etc. and sex isn't on her radar. Giving a bj outside of quick foreplay was unheard of to her. My other friend and I advocated various things (and we were making light that her man wouldn't know what had hit him when she got home) but...she started the conversation talking about it with a screwed up nose, progressed to asking about certain positions, and after I described how to do something, she commented that she was getting turned on just listening to me talk about it. The point I'm making is, not that my friend was turned on by me lol - her comment was said jovially, but rather her concerns and questions were received with support and understanding and she seemed more open in that moment as a result.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

I think that 'heartsbeating' has advice that YOU need to re-read. This is a woman's point of view.


> I'm always dictating everything, alot of the "wilder" things I crave (and she knows I do) she will never initiate..when I Suggest them she usually takes a while to get herself to do them


I think your wife does not feel safe/respected/loved in a SEXUAL context. 

Does she feel under command to give a performance? Does she feel judged? Criticized? Does she feel you listen to and respect her feelings and what SHE wants out of sex? Does it have to be YOUR way all the time? Too much of the time? Is she uncomfortable performing a lot of the "wilder" acts that you want, but she's too intimidated to say so? Do you make her feel sexually inexperienced or inadequate? Do you feel your wife SHOULD enjoy the "wilder" acts that you enjoy? What if she doesn't?

I'm not attacking you in any way. These are questions that only YOU and YOUR WIFE can answer. *START ASKING THEM*. It appears you're all fat & happy with your sex life (getting your needs met.) Is your wife getting HER NEEDS met? Really met? Or is she just acquiesing to you so you'll like her or get done and leave her alone. If she's NOT REALLY HAPPY, resentment is going to grow from this.

Have an honest heart-to-heart with your wife about sex. Really shut-up, don't judge, listen, listen, listen. Make your goal to LEARN SOMETHING about your wife; not to argue, not to convince her of ANYTHING. You've got to give it a shot.


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## Hope1964

I was about 35 before I lost most of my hang ups. During my first marriage I was pretty vanilla - didn't know any better. Then when I got with my current hubby, he was just so straightforward about things like porn, toys, touching myself etc. that I started to explore. He just acted like it was the most natural thing in the world, so I followed suit.


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## that_girl

For me, it was after my older daughter's father and after the relationship that followed. I was single, 27 and really thought about sex and love and got rid of all the stigma and guilt my mom put on sex.

It was fabulous.


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## missinglife

I have three words for you...

Ex-Er-Cise. (for her)

I became a runner after my third child was born. A serious runner, who actually stands a chance at placing in smaller races. And my sex drive is super-charged now, pretty much all the time. 

After my first two kids, sex drive took a huge tumble and I just thought it was all normal, that I would never be a particularly sexual person. I wrinkled my nose at all the things my husband wanted to do, because I had a distaste for sex in general, or so I thought. But apparently not so. 

I think about sex all the time, now. And I am the one who has asked my husband to watch porn with me. I want to shake it up, I NEED to shake it up.

Mind you, I am also 39 and in a much different place than your wife. But I chalk a LOT of it up to running.


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## chillymorn

mine was last night! then I couldn't fall asleep.


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## COguy

that_girl said:


> For me, it was after my older daughter's father and after the relationship that followed. I was single, 27 and really thought about sex and love and got rid of all the stigma and guilt my mom put on sex.
> 
> It was fabulous.


It's a shame that I see all this stuff about the hangups disappearing AFTER your relationship.

I love my wife. I'm supportive. I try to meet her emotional needs. I compliment her regularly (though for the past few months I've been trying to do it less regularly and more sincerely). I help around the house. I go out of my way to meet any needs she may have, as long as I know what they are.

And yet she is not interested in sex at all, and has all these hangups about it (pretty much exactly what the OP posts). When we were dating, not a word. She sent sex chats and pics to random people on the internet. She had a ONS with someone else. Yet with her husband that loves her and treats her like a princess, I get nothing.

Why do I have to end my marriage with someone I care about to get her to realize she's being a prude for no reason? Like I divorce her today and she turns into a ****, why can't she just do that now?

To those that specifically "awakened" after a long relationship, what was it specifically that made this change AFTER the relationship and not during? The only thing I can think of is that I'm too patient and understanding, and if she had to find a new man they would kick her to the curb. "Oh I like you, but you are boring in bed so we can't see eachother anymore".

I always felt like if I loved and cared for my woman and spent time and effort investing in her well being, she would WANT to have sex with me. Better and more frequently than when we were dating/first married. It's like the better of a husband I become, the more her vagina shuts down.


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## Lon

COGuy, my only suggestion is to stop worrying about being a better husband (since that doesn't seem to be working - you seem to be still trying to use covert contracts) and just focus on being a better man. Be loyal, fun, passionate and kind and compassionate to those who want to be in your circle, let your W come to you.

And yeah it is very frustrating that so often the hangups go away on their own AFTER the relationship - to me it shows a lack of faith from your spouse.


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## Runs like Dog

What are the chances? I'd say zero or near zero. People like that like themselves just fine just the way they are. All you can do is turn yourself into the bad guy. I wouldn't call her repressed or hung up. Because that implies that person has some insight into at least having a desire to change. When she's 27 and it's 'icky' like she's 8 years old then emotionally and psycho-sexually she's 8 years old. She wants to be a princess bride w/o being a mature woman. Which, isn't necessarily so terrible but it's the way she's built and wired and it's unlikely she's going magically wake up one day and start to change.


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## DanglingDaisy

I'm a woman in your shoes. Mind you my partner's real issue is gravitating towards porn first before initiating(if you call it that)..through our 15yrs together I have always felt like I had the higher sex drive-have begged pleaded and cried for more "sex" and providing suggestions has gotten me a partner that has guilt issues with his sexuality/sex so it's always been a frustrating issue..

The difference for me is that unlike many of my female friends 
growing up, I never felt embarrassment towards talking or doing sexual things. I grew up in a home where male/female masturbation was encouraged versus having sex as teens. I don't carry any shyness about my sexuality(bisexual to boot). 

Reality-not all women like the taste of cum-not all women find it attractive to taste themselves on your lips either-it's a personal choice which is why I agree with others that say expect this aspect not to change in the future-that's why I suggest you find alternative ways to engage her. Accept she's different in that way Imagine you had a partner who expected you to dress up in women's clothies to have sex with them. Even if everyone at TAM said it was normal,doesn't mean you should HAVE to do it.  Go with what you have with your partner. Engage her by asking what she likes. Her deepest fantasies(when you're quietly talking-no pressure for sex or showing sexual arousal-just talking). Find out what she likes,listen and understand she'll probably out grow her shyness when she hits her high hormonal 30's-crossing fingers  

Some women deal with sexual abuse from the past-that alters enjoyment of certain things..is this her case? Just wondering since with all my openness, a past abuse surrounding bj's has psychologically scarred me from getting any satisfaction in doing it to the end  

I also wanted to add with regards to the weight issue-women put pressure on themselves about their "sexiness". We see it in the media,commercials,magazines other women comparing,men looking,or looking at us in disgust or dismissal. If you're not sensitive to her weight insecurities-you could be doing more harm than good without knowing it. If she's tried to engage you in asking how she looks at some point,and you dismissed or said "Yep that does make you look big" she may carry your comments or suggestions as truth she's 'gross' or grotesque...


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## Dollystanford

the third person I ever had sex with was a virgin and we had his sister's house to ourselves for a long weekend. We basically locked ourselves in and did everything - never had a hang up since!

still remember that weekend and it was 20 years ago *sigh*


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## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> the third person I ever had sex with was a virgin and we had his sister's house to ourselves for a long weekend. We basically locked ourselves in and did everything - never had a hang up since!
> 
> still remember that weekend and it was 20 years ago *sigh*


third person I had sex with was crazy. And I too remember it like it was last year (cause it was )


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## livelaughlovenow

marriedguy said:


> My wife is 27yrs old and she still doesnt initiate sex, she has insecurities about her weight(really isn't that much of an issue I think)
> She enjoys sex but there doesnt seem to be ever a time that shes just craving it..
> When we have sex I'm always dictating everything, alot of the "wilder" things I crave (and she knows I do) she will never initiate..when I
> Suggest them she usually takes a while to get herself to do them (mostly oral stuff)..
> 
> The thing that frustrates me the most is how squemish she gets when I ejaculate..sperm grosses her out..she wont kiss me after I go down on her, or vice versa, and oral from her can never be done in the middle of sex..she is disgusted by her own sex juices..mine as well(she wipes my **** down before oral even though I keep everything very clean and shaven)..she also will not touch herself..never has except to clean, but has never masterbated.
> 
> Having said all that..and given her age..no religous uphangings (although she is a believer)..shes very modern, loves using makeup..overall very girly..
> Whats the chance of a sexual awakening for her? So she might enjoy the taste and smell the sex and crave more erotic positions?
> 
> can anyone relate?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mine has been very recent, I just turned 30 last summer. I have read somewhere 30s is when women hit their peaks... I don't know why. It just sort of came out of nowhere.


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## Jellybeans

Goes in spurts for me but at about 27/28 I started feeling realllly good. And now I have no one to share this with. Dammit. When it happens again I am gonna be really really freaking happy


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## reset button

MIne occured when I stopped taking birth control pills.

Went from 1x every month or so to 4-5X per week, and from boring to VAVAvoom creative.

HAve her visit her doctors and have thyroid checked, is she is taking hormonal birth control try condoms for while.


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## lovelygirl

marriedguy said:


> ..she wont kiss me after I go down on her, or vice versa, and oral from her can never be done in the middle of sex..she is disgusted by her own sex juices..mine as well(she wipes my **** down before oral even though I keep everything very clean and shaven)..


LOL. I think some people are that way and they won't ever change.
I feel this way too. I mean, I'm still a virgin but the idea of giving oral and then kissing is just so yucky that it makes me vomit. 
The idea of oral makes me vomit in the first place anyway.

But I STILL DON'T KNOW what it feels like so I can't say anything for sure. I can only imagine.


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## River1977

marriedguy said:


> she has insecurities about her weight(really isn't that much of an issue I think)?


That is a big issue and she needs counseling - albeit almost all women have some body image issues. If you want her more relaxed about it, I think you should be trying to find ways to make her more comfortable with your opinion of her body. You seem to want a lot of mechanics, but are you also romantic and assuring? Even if you think you are, it doesn't mean you actually are. 



marriedguy said:


> She enjoys sex but there doesnt seem to be ever a time that shes just craving it.?


Most women are not horny all the time, not as often as most men. She needs time in between to crave it but never will if she is often or too often required to perform.....by you initiating.



marriedguy said:


> When we have sex I'm always dictating everything, alot of the "wilder" things I crave (and she knows I do) she will never initiate..when I
> Suggest them she usually takes a while to get herself to do them (mostly oral stuff).?


Command performance doesn't go over very well with most women. It doesn't sound like the two of you enjoy love making. It sounds like you command sex from her and are commanding (if not demanding) during sex with her. You didn't marry a blowup doll or a prostitute. She doesn't have the wherewithall, self confidence, or self esteem to tell you where to get off. She is naively thinking she is performing her duties as your wife, and she isn't comfortable with any of it. You have to learn how to make her comfortable, rather than requiring she perform for you.



marriedguy said:


> The thing that frustrates me the most is how squemish she gets when I ejaculate..sperm grosses her out.?


I think that is very immature of her. I hate the taste. I will let him cum in my mouth, but I won't swallow. The difference is if I swallow, the taste remains seemingly forever. If I spit it out, the taste doesn't linger for too long. But, I don't get squeamish about it either way. I wouldn't want him to think any part of him is nasty to me because it isn't.



marriedguy said:


> she wont kiss me after I go down on her, or vice versa, and oral from her can never be done in the middle of sex..she is disgusted by her own sex juices..mine as well(she wipes my **** down before oral even though I keep everything very clean and shaven)..she also will not touch herself..never has except to clean, but has never masterbated.?


She might be OCD to some extent and you cannot change that if she is. You can suggest a sex therapist. It seems you both have a lot to learn in the love making department. But hey, I won't kiss him afterwards either. A lot of women won't. 



marriedguy said:


> Whats the chance of a sexual awakening for her? So she might enjoy the taste and smell the sex and crave more erotic positions?


Sexual awakening doesn't mean she will enjoy any of those things necessarily. There may be reasons for her inhibitions and those that I mentioned already might be some of them. As far as taste and smell, nothing is ever going to make me like the taste of semen, but I awakened when I was 19 years old. It sounds to me that your wife needs a good lover, like the one I had, and not someone demanding and trying to make her do everything he wants. She needs someone to help her relax and know it's okay and not dirty to be sexual. That's why I suggest a sex therapist.


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## Stonewall

I have no idea when my wife's sexual awaking was but she is wide awake Yaaa hooooooo!


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## marriedguy

Alright, seems like theres some misunderstanding from people..so I will refrase, and answer questions cuz I'm desperately seeking a solution..

First off, my wife does love sex..i always take care of her sexual needs and she orgasms pretty much evey time I go down on her..we kiss alot and we have romantic sex alot! And shes very into it..from a receiving aspect..but thats what it is..shes always receiving, 99.9 percent of the time she waits for me to do something..
We have a very tight relationship..good communication except when its about sex..she never initiates talking about intimacy..i have asked her questions about fantasies..she never says anything, except that she would like to do some things she "thinks"she cant cuz of her weight..

Yes I have said somethin about her weight like 2 yrs ago..but always compliment her..very sorry I did say somethin but she never was more sexual before..

I work out constantly and eat healthy most of the time..shes not an athlete whatsoever, not mentally or physically..

We have no kids, married about five years..

We have checked her thyroid..no issues(apperantly-i think it might be bs)
No birth control..no condums..she might need certain medication to be able to get pregnant (doctors say)

She was a bit more aggressive before marriage..we didn't have intercourse but we did oral..i had to ask for everything..

She has never asked for anything sexually..ive asked her what she likes..wants..needs..
She always responds "i dont know, everything" even though that clearly isnt true..

I criticize junk food..she has told me that makes her feel fat(i do this by accident..ive always been a bit of a critical jerk towards north ametican diets)

I totally admit I am wrong in how I do things sometimes..i used to be alot more romantic to her..but she never opened up sexually to me and eventually I lost my patience..we still get along great..but sex is happening less and less..

I asked her really nicely(while cuddling) recently about swallowing..she responded with "isnt that disrespectful? Like peeing on my face?"

No I dont ever want to pee on anybody..but the fact that she sees cum and pee as the same thing really shows where she is at mentally when it comes to sex..

One positive...she kind of likes the idea of me gettin her a vibrator..
Maybe thats the secret gateway to her sexual awakening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia

I was a bit prudish with my man when we first met... but that was mainly because i was nervous about doing certain things and having it result in him being unsatisfied because i may not do it right and i wanted to make it a mind blowing experience for him. Of course.. whenever I've had a few drinks with him I ended up not worrying so much about screwing up or giving him a bad experience... and was more focused on... "Hey i feel great... horny, drunk, a bit dizzy, and relaxed.... so anything goes" After doing a few things with him when I've been tipsy/drunk I end up doing them later when sober because then it's.... "Well... I've already done it and he hasn't complained so no harm in doing it again..." Of course that's just me though... your wife could be totally different.


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## SimplyAmorous

lovelygirl said:


> LOL. I think some people are that way and they won't ever change.
> I feel this way too. I mean, I'm still a virgin but the idea of giving oral and then kissing is just so yucky that it makes me vomit.
> The idea of oral makes me vomit in the first place anyway.
> 
> But I STILL DON'T KNOW what it feels like so I can't say anything for sure. I can only imagine.


Oh Lovely Girl... this doesn't sound good! NO NO! Don't be like me... I kinda didn't know what the heck to do with his tool back then....I was a bit repressed, just not comfortable, I wish so bad I would have explored more back then, educated myself, worked myself up..... Oh if I could just re-live those years over. 

Giving oral is beautiful, it is something I came to LOVE LOVE LOVE.... I'd be MAD if he didn't want it !! I don't know how to describe all of this... but all of you younger ones.....it is "in there"...within you ....seek it out...don't be like me and realize after 19 yrs of marraige what a gift it was ....lying dorment to give to your husband. I guess my only point is... in my case, I think I was repressed. Maybe some women really won't ever want it -but you might be surprised .....this could change...with a vengence !

I know you are not married yet, but deep within the heart of every man...he will crave this act.


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## lovelygirl

SimplyAmorous said:


> but deep within the heart of every man...he will crave this act.


If so then I'm sure I'd do anything to make my man happy! 


lol

who knows. never say never.


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## COguy

lovelygirl said:


> If so then I'm sure I'd do anything to make my man happy!
> 
> 
> lol
> 
> who knows. never say never.


The best gift you can give your husband (any husband), is yourself. Unfettered by any self-conciousness.

Sex with your spouse is a beautiful thing. There should be no inhibitions or taboos or negative thoughts or feelings.

There's nothing wrong or gross about anything that makes your partner feel amazing and loved.


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## diwali123

Then get her a vibrator!!!! What are you waiting for? She asks you for one thing and you haven't done it but you complain that she doesn't tell you more of what she wants? 
I guess I've been very open since I started having sex at 17, but I didn't have orgasms regularly until about 20 and then only from oral. Around 24 I started from intercourse. 
It just seems like the older I get the more I want it. 
After my ex and I separated I felt like an 18 year old kid. It was awful. I couldn't even watch baseball because the guys would turn me on. I really didn't like that desperate horny feeling at all! I did some experimentation and then found my husband and it's usually three times a week but I would do it more. 
With my ex I really only wanted it about once a week if that. Forty seems to be the peak in terms of horniness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together

My peak hit at about 42, two years ago. It was when I knew I was not having any more children, sex was sex, for pure pleasure. With age comes confidence in ones self, a woman will feel more able to ask for what she wants, and will except nothing less. 

One thing I've learned in the last little while, is that women NEED to feel desired, to be wanted etc. It's fine for a man to say he wants sex, but that he wants to be with you. Apparently when a woman feels so desired by her man it's almost better than an orgasm. Think about sexting and how women love it.


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## COguy

diwali123 said:


> Then get her a vibrator!!!! What are you waiting for? She asks you for one thing and you haven't done it but you complain that she doesn't tell you more of what she wants?
> I guess I've been very open since I started having sex at 17, but I didn't have orgasms regularly until about 20 and then only from oral. Around 24 I started from intercourse.
> It just seems like the older I get the more I want it.
> After my ex and I separated I felt like an 18 year old kid. It was awful. I couldn't even watch baseball because the guys would turn me on. I really didn't like that desperate horny feeling at all! I did some experimentation and then found my husband and it's usually three times a week but I would do it more.
> With my ex I really only wanted it about once a week if that. Forty seems to be the peak in terms of horniness.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No one yet has answsered my question. Why did this happen? What was it about your ex that made you not like sex, and then you met your husband and it all changed? Was he a douche? Did he smell funny? What about breaking up caused the change?


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## marriedguy

Shr never asked for a vibrator, I mentioned it and she didn't turn it down..asked me "what if I like it too much?"
I'm just like "then I guess we will have a new thing to enjoy"
Whats stopping me?
We have been to sex stores several times..she never showed interest once(she did go with her friends before we were married, but non of her friends live within two days of where we live now)
Everytime I mention sex toys she really doesn't look like she cares..except for the vibrator thing..

I would look for one together with her, but honestly shopping for sex toys with her feels like I'm going shopping with my mom.
Insulting? Maybe, but its the truth, I feel she has no sexual interest whenever we tried.
Very lonely feeling.

I will order it today..see what happens.
Anyone know of a good one I can get for under 40 bucks? I'm cheap at the moment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovelygirl

Actually, why does she need the vibrator when you're there?
I mean...isn't it offensive to you? Because that's how guys usually feel.
She can get live and real pleasure..., what's the need for a fake one?
That means you're might not be able to make her reach the real good big O.


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## marriedguy

lovelygirl said:


> Actually, why does she need the vibrator when you're there?
> I mean...isn't it offensive to you? Because that's how guys usually feel.
> She can get live and real pleasure..., what's the need for a fake one?
> That means you're might not be able to make her reach the real good big O.


Haha seriously I would just love to see her wake up, live a little sexually..yes im very able to get her to orgasm..she doesn't"need" a vibrator, I just long for her to want to explore a lil..theres many things we could do with a toy, I'm creative..not a chance I'm gonna feel like I'm not able to satisfy her, I will just jump right in and join the party.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63

Wifey seems to enjoy this one:

http://www.condomjungle.com/Hustler_Devilish_Darling_p/htr00111.htm

I found it in a local store for like $40, we mostly use it together, but I think she has gone solo with it a few times, too.

I'm not threatened by it at all, I figure it has helped her get over some of her hang-ups. As long as she isn't using it to the total exclusion of my c*ck, I have no problem with her using it (even though it's a bit larger than I am...).


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## CandieGirl

She sounds a bit like a 16 year old virgin who has no idea what to do. She needs to learn. I taught myself, and have been a wild woman ever since.


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## diwali123

Good luck with it! I think exploring all the sensations you can sexually is great. There's no feeling like a vibrator. Just like theres no feeling like oral or like intercourse. Each is different, why limit yourself? She might find that using it on her clit while you're having sex is great. 
She has never used a sex toy before so why would she be interested if she's shy as well? 
Ok so my whole life, true story, I never once wanted to eat sushi. Then a few weeks ago I thought out of the blue about trying it. So I had it for the first time today and loved it. Before today if I saw sushi at a Chinese buffet it was like no food to me, like who cares? People would talk about the different kinds and it meant nothing to me. 
I guess what I'm saying is people don't know until
they try. She sounds like she is just satisfied with the way things are and she won't know how much she is missing until you show her!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## effess

marriedguy said:


> My wife is 27yrs old and she still doesnt initiate sex, she has insecurities about her weight(really isn't that much of an issue I think)
> She enjoys sex but there doesnt seem to be ever a time that shes just craving it..
> When we have sex I'm always dictating everything, alot of the "wilder" things I crave (and she knows I do) she will never initiate..when I
> Suggest them she usually takes a while to get herself to do them (mostly oral stuff)..
> 
> The thing that frustrates me the most is how squemish she gets when I ejaculate..sperm grosses her out..she wont kiss me after I go down on her, or vice versa, and oral from her can never be done in the middle of sex..she is disgusted by her own sex juices..mine as well(she wipes my **** down before oral even though I keep everything very clean and shaven)..she also will not touch herself..never has except to clean, but has never masterbated.
> 
> Having said all that..and given her age..no religous uphangings (although she is a believer)..shes very modern, loves using makeup..overall very girly..
> Whats the chance of a sexual awakening for her? So she might enjoy the taste and smell the sex and crave more erotic positions?
> 
> can anyone relate?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had similar opinions to you when I was 27 - the first few years of my marriage as well. 
She has a fair amount of sexual hangups about kissing after oral, only giving BJs after a shower, our juices being gross, etc. 
And I would always get irritated at her for this stuff. I came to realize that she not obligated to be my sexual mirror. Just because I don't have a problem with something doesn't mean she doesn't. I grew to accept it. Its okay, and accepting her hangups in the bedroom is just as essential as accepting them outside as well. My wife doesn't like drinking, I love to throw a few back sometimes - imagine if I got on her case because she wasn't like that? It would sound stupid and petty. The more you make an issue out it as well is only going to cause more tension and issues in the bedroom. 
I've accepted my wife's hangups for years now, but, she'll still hold my prior misguided opinions against me at times. 
And I'm a high-drive, frustrated husband here talking to you.
Let it go. The most important thing is that she's sexually _available_ to you. Its one thing if she just shuts you out sexually, like what happens to so many of us - its another if she is available, but your still criticizing her for basically not being like you.


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## Peachy Cat

It's already been mentioned that women need to feel secure and safe to be fully able to give and receive the sexual intimacy part of a relationship.

I'll go further and say that, for some women, myself included, who have had some not so pleasant sexual things happen in their past, take a little more finessing in order to feel completely able to let go.

Initiating sex is a HUGE undertaking for many women... isn't it enough that she's responsive to your advances?


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## Wellsie

marriedguy said:


> Yes I have said somethin about her weight like 2 yrs ago..but always compliment her..very sorry I did say somethin but she never was more sexual before..
> 
> I criticize junk food..she has told me that makes her feel fat(i do this by accident..ive always been a bit of a critical jerk towards north ametican diets)
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So I just wanted to point this out... as a married woman who overweight and has body image issues.

Just because you criticize junk food, and not HER personally, doesn't mean she doesn't feel the sting when you talk about what she's eating. If she's having, oh, a candy bar, do you make comments about it? It doesn't even have to be every time she eats junk food to do damage. I suspect your comment about her weight 2 years ago is still on her mind at times. 

My husband and I have been having issues lately (not even about how we look, it's about other stuff), and a few weeks ago, I got 4 oreo cookies for after dinner dessert. He said to me.... And I can't even convey the tone of disgust he had in person... (keep in mind we had already been fighting off and on ALL day before this)

Him - REALLY, Oreos??
Me - Um yes, I wanted some chocolate...?
Him - Wow. I am just trying to keep you from becoming a LARD ASS like you were with (insert ex's name here). 

Ouch he actually said "Lard Ass" in the same sentence with me. No, he didn't call me one now, but... it's so hard to explain the way it made me feel. Now, my husband does not work out, he has love handles, and a little belly. He eats TONS of crap. And he smokes.

When I was with my ex, I quit smoking, and gained weight. The weight gain was due to a few things, not smoking, and the fact that I was an emotional wreck, in nursing school, and in a HORRIBLE relationship. But, I got rid of the guy, joined weight watchers, and lost 36lbs. I have kept every pound of that weight off, and it has been like 5 years. I haven't gained a pound since I've been with my husband.

My point is, that comment sits in my mind now. That time in my life was a very horrible time, I looked my worst, was being emotionally abused, and when I finally made myself vulnerable and opened up to my husband by showing him my "fat pics" he threw it back in my face when the time was right for him. It did some damage.

My husband also will make comments like, "Wow, that's a lot of cereal." Or, I only make comments because I want to keep you around for a long time." WTH. I am not even OBESE. Just overweight, trust me, my weight issues aren't going to kill me anytime soon, and the same could be said about his smoking.

I have been walking/jogging regularly every week (even before this happened) to feel better about myself and have joined weight watchers again. This comment about me and Lard Ass? It made me want to quit it all and eat an entire bag of oreos. Logical? No. I don't know why comments like that make me feel that way. Thankfully, I didn't give in.

My husband compliments me, but that stupid comment about what I eat sometimes overshadows it all. In the back of my mind I wonder if he really means the nice things, or is just saying it because he wants sex. It's hard for me to stand completely naked in front of him because I think he's judging me. I also don't like when he touches my belly when I am on my side because I feel like he's thinking about my fat roll. I am really working on all these issues myself because it's hard to want to be completely open sexually because of these private thoughts in my head.

Unfortunately, you CANNOT suggest she take up jogging, walking or weight watchers because that will kill everything. You CAN stop mentioning food. Period. I suspect that the little comments and your hating the diet here effects her more than you realize.


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## marriedguy

She eats pretty much the same as me, mostly healthy, except on weekends we will have pizza or burgers sometimes but mostly we eat very low sugar, low carb food..i think she eats too little..but she loves ice cream..i dont care for it, and ive said things like "ice cream again?" So I've messed up..but ive never called her fat..its more of the way I look at her sometimes I think, when we have sex she likes to keep her belly covered..huge turnoff for me that shes so insecure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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