# Do all married men do this?



## MamaxP (Jun 20, 2017)

Hi guys. 

I'm married to my hubby for 7 seven years now. I noticed a lot of things after our 1st year of married life. 

After I cook dinner, I'd bring the dish on the table. We would pray. Then I'd grab my food and put it on my plate. Hubby on the other hand, just looks at me. I'd tell him "let's eat!" He would then asks me to put rice (we are Filipino so we eat a lot of rice. I know it's carbs. Lol) on his plate and the food I just cooked. Okay, no problem, sure. Then I noticed that he would expect me to serve him his food every single time. Is it just me or did I not just make you food, why can't you grab it yourself and place it on your plate? I don't get it. I mean, I cooked for him. Foods ready, table is ready. Do I have to feed you too? Do you guys do that too? 

Another one. Us ladies know how tired our husband get from working. Well, every time my hubby gets home from work, I would give him his change of clothes. I'd tell him to change because he works at a retail store so his uniform is pretty dusty and dirty. Well every time he changes, he has a habit of not putting his dirty clothes (not just his uniform) straight to the laundry bin. He would just leave it where he's at. Do you do the same? Why? 


MamaxP


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MamaxP said:


> Hi guys.
> 
> I'm married to my hubby for 7 seven years now. I noticed a lot of things after our 1st year of married life.
> 
> After I cook dinner, I'd bring the dish on the table. We would pray. Then I'd grab my food and put it on my plate. Hubby on the other hand, just looks at me. I'd tell him "let's eat!" He would then asks me to put rice (we are Filipino so we eat a lot of rice. I know it's carbs. Lol) on his plate and the food I just cooked. Okay, no problem, sure. Then I noticed that he would expect me to serve him his food every single time. Is it just me or did I not just make you food, why can't you grab it yourself and place it on your plate? I don't get it. I mean, I cooked for him. Foods ready, table is ready. Do I have to feed you too? Do you guys do that too?


I’ve never seen a man need to be served like you describe. Did his mother wait on him hand a foot?


MamaxP said:


> Another one. Us ladies know how tired our husband get from working. Well, every time my hubby gets home from work, I would give him his change of clothes. I'd tell him to change because he works at a retail store so his uniform is pretty dusty and dirty. Well every time he changes, he has a habit of not putting his dirty clothes (not just his uniform) straight to the laundry bin. He would just leave it where he's at. Do you do the same? Why?


 [/QUOTE]
You give your husband a change of clothes when he gets home from work? He should be able to get his own clothing. Of course, he just leaves them where ever; his mother probably babied him. And now you do.

I have two sons and a daughter. I taught them all how to do their own laundry when they turned 10 years old. I’ve never had to do their laundry. They take care of their own clothing, their sheets, and towels. You might want to start teaching your own children this so that the boys don’t grow up thinking that a wife is their own personal servant.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Are you his wife or his housekeeper.Next mealtime just fill your own plate and eat,don't even look at him.As for laundry,leave it wherever he puts it,when he runs out of clean clothes he will soon learn the mysteries of the washing machine.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

As a married man I can't say I pray or require my wife to serve me.

If you don't want to be his servant, don't act like his servant.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First off, there is absolutely nothing even remotely wrong with the offering of premeal grace!

But once grace has been said and the family is at the table, then it's up to everyone present to serve themselves, save for perhaps one of the parents to help the younger kids to dish up the food onto their plates!

Now regarding washing of clothes, I would suggest that if you don't want him wearing those ripe clothes back to work the ensuing day, if he is not yet accustomed to using a washing machine and dryer, then it is contingent upon you to do it for him, or to have a combination "Come to Jesus Meeting" and "clothes washing seminar!"

To do otherwise, IMHO, is nothing more than "enablement" and the nadir of laziness on his part!*


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I just serve the food onto the plate once its cooked and we eat.I dont put food on dishes for us to serve ourselves, don't see the point and it creates far more washing up. 

Just like wives, husbands are all different.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

My wife does this all the time. She says I am too messy, that I mess up the appearance of her food. She is near Eastern. it is the custom for women to cook and to serve.

When I cook, I usually return the favor...out of courtesy, not that she expects it. If I put too much on her plate, she complains...As the years go by she is less inclined to be this way..

A little less.

You see where this is going...

I guess this is a cultural thing..


----------



## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Maybe this is about him controlling you? If you don't want that, make it clear to him before it gets out of hand.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I have been in households where the food is served on the plate. In fact, my exH, in his quest to become the patriarch after his father died took over that role for Sunday lunch. I don't think it is a good practice as you may be putting more food on a plate than one intends to eat. So he's my exH.

As far as your issues, OP, draw a line in the sand as to what you will and will not do and simply say "well, do it yourself." A lot of people will try it on and see how far they can get you to be their old style servant. I think over time, if you do too much, your spouse (and anyone else) will lose respect for you so you need to gain control of this now.

Setting the tone as to how one gets served for dinner is apparently your first assignment.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *First off, there is absolutely nothing even remotely wrong with the offering of premeal grace!
> 
> But once grace has been said and the family is at the table, then it's up to everyone present to serve themselves, save for perhaps one of the parents to help the younger kids to dish up the food onto their plates!
> 
> ...


The school I went to as a kid had a pretty novel (at the time) approach to subjects.Everybody tried everything.All the boys learned basic home economics,cooking,ironing,using a washing machine,basic clothes repair etc.All the girls learned basic wood and metal work,how to use hand tools,repair furniture etc.
Even sports were combined,I played on mixed volleyball,hockey and soccer teams and the boxing lessons were great fun
I think this guy could have done with some of these classes..


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
If this is your area of focus due to the fact that their are no issues that rise above this in importance then I would remind you not to create a mountain where a molehill now exists.


----------



## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

I serve dinner straight to the plate. I have no desire to have extra dishes after dinner, so everyone is given a portion. If they want more, they can make their way back to the kitchen and get more. 

As for the laundry, they drop it where they want and if it is not in my baskets to be washed on laundry day then it stays dirty on that floor. All I do is the washing and drying. After that it gets sorted into baskets and they fold and put their own away. I am not a maid and i am not a short order cook.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

SunCMars said:


> I guess this is a cultural thing..


I agree. My younger brother is married to a Filipina. Even at BBQ's or family get togethers where things are self serve,she will fix him up a plate. She is a very nice and hard working woman with a full time job who still finds time to manage everything from A to Z it seems like. It works for them and they're happy,so I guess that is all that matters.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Do you mind serving him?

If so then ask him why he needs served!

Then tell him if he wants his cloth washed he needs to use the hamper.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> If this is your area of focus due to the fact that their are no issues that rise above this in importance then I would remind you not to create a mountain where a molehill now exists.


You have clearly not read the OP's other thread. Her husband spends just about every moment of time away from work playing games on his computer. He's mean, verbally abusive, ignores his children, etc. 

He also will not "allow" her to have a job despite her having finished a course that qualifies her to work as a medical assistant.

What she is talking about here is a small part of a very big set of problems.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife almost always cooks because she is a great cook and I'm terrible. Sometimes she serves, sometimes I do, usually be both serve ourselves. I clean and do grocery shopping. We both work full time jobs. Other chores are shared - I do bills, she does taxes, both do our own laundry. I do most home repairs. She waits for delivery people. etc etc.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

About serving food, or putting food on his plate.

During normal, daily meals, everyone in my family serves themself directly from the stove. If there are things like condiments, salad, etc., those are on the kitchen island. That way each person puts the amount of food and the items they want on their dish. Then we all take our dishes to the dinning room, sit down and eat.

Now during holiday and special dinners, we do put food in serving dishes as I set the table with my good china, silver, etc. But everyone in the household helps set the table, put the food in bowls, etc.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Well, let's summarize, shall we?

This is the complete douche bag whose addicted to his childish online war game and spends ZERO time with his wife and family and is verbally *abusive* to you ALL - to the point where your kid is crying and asking why daddy is so mean and doesn't want to spend time with him.

But that's apparently ok with you because the alternative would be getting a job and providing a *healthier* atmosphere for your kids to grow up in, instead of continuing to stay with this bully and subjecting them to his daily abuse.

To add to the fun, you recently found out this shining example of humanity has been hiding his meth pipe under the bathroom sink.

I suppose I should be surprised that the abusive POS even bothers to 'grace' you with his presence at the table because that's precious time away from locking himself in the bathroom (probably to smoke his meth) while chatting with his so-called 'friends' in his game. You must feel SO honored. Why you should be at ALL surprised that this ass-wipe expects you to do everything but chew his food FOR him is a mystery to me.



> Another one. Us ladies know how tired our husband get from working.


Give me a friggen break. Lots of women work TOO and we *aren't *given the luxury of laying down after work and having someone hand us our clothes and cook dinner for us and clean our houses for us while we play video games. Most of us have to come home from work AND cook dinner AND do everything else on top of it. Forgive me if I can't shed a tear for this clown because he's_ oh so tired_ from his "'career" at Best Buy (or whatever retail chain he works at).

I can't believe you're surprised at *anything* he does.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

xMadame said:


> I serve dinner straight to the plate. I have no desire to have extra dishes after dinner, so everyone is given a portion. If they want more, they can make their way back to the kitchen and get more.
> 
> As for the laundry, they drop it where they want and if it is not in my baskets to be washed on laundry day then it stays dirty on that floor. All I do is the washing and drying. After that it gets sorted into baskets and they fold and put their own away. I am not a maid and *i am not a short order cook.*
> 
> ...


You are a well ordered cook.

Too tall for the short sighted.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

To your op, yes my w prepares and dishes up all meals. In fact tonight, we had company (her friends) and I reached to make a plate but she handed one to me completely dished up. I am terrible with laundry. And for some reason I often remove one sock at night (maybe to regulate temperature) so she'll find single socks all the time.

The difference is that I don't expect any of this but she likes to take care of the family.

I do plenty of other things.

Now, if I demanded it.... well I can't even imagine that. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well, let's summarize, shall we?
> 
> This is the complete douche bag whose addicted to his childish online war game and spends ZERO time with his wife and family and is verbally *abusive* to you ALL - to the point where your kid is crying and asking why daddy is so mean and doesn't want to spend time with him.
> 
> ...


But her preys before his meal so that makes up for being a misogynistic, abusive, meth head.


----------



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Asking a husband to clean up is standard for many women in the US. The serving issue is one suspects a cultural thing.


----------



## MamaxP (Jun 20, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I’ve never seen a man need to be served like you describe. Did his mother wait on him hand a foot?
> 
> 
> You give your husband a change of clothes when he gets home from work? He should be able to get his own clothing. Of course, he just leaves them where ever; his mother probably babied him. And now you do.
> ...




Sorry for the late reply. Sometimes I do but most of the time he would ask me to go get him change of clothes. TBH I do not feel like a wife. I feel like I am his maid. I've never met his family. He won't let us meet them. 

I teach my two boys to always clean up and not to be lazy. I always remind them that not everything in life will be handed to you. 


MamaxP


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MamaxP said:


> Sorry for the late reply. Sometimes I do but most of the time he would ask me to go get him change of clothes. TBH I do not feel like a wife. I feel like I am his maid. I've never met his family. He won't let us meet them.
> 
> I teach my two boys to always clean up and not to be lazy. I always remind them that not everything in life will be handed to you.
> 
> ...


I bet you feel like his maid more than a wife. It's sad, but it will not change until you start to stand up to him in a productive way. 

Where does his family live? Do they live in the USA? Why won't he let you meet his family? Do they even know that he is married? 

Do the people he works with know that he is married?

I'm asking because I've seen this before where a married man hides that he is married from everyone... and yes, even after he has several children.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MamaxP said:


> Another one. *Us ladies know how tired our husband get from working.* Well, every time my hubby gets home from work, I would give him his change of clothes. I'd tell him to change because he works at a retail store so his uniform is pretty dusty and dirty. Well every time he changes, he has a habit of not putting his dirty clothes (not just his uniform) straight to the laundry bin. He would just leave it where he's at. Do you do the same? Why?


You have had a job before, were you so tired after work that you had to have someone get you a change of cloths?

Do not buy into this ridiculous claim of his that he is so tired after work that you have to get him a change of clothing, you have to serve him dinner. And then he is so tired that he has no time for you or your children. Instead all he can do is play games on his phone. 

Guess what? sitting around playing games on the phone or computer are enough to exhaust a person. It is unhealthy, it will make him physically weak to sit around just looking at that tiny screen all the time. If he was more active physically, he would be less tired.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i am guilty of the 2nd one, dropping my clothes on the floor.

But waiting to be served before it eat? I would get pretty hungry before my wife would spoon feed me food! lol


----------



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

This is a perfect example of... you teach people how you want to be treated. Your husband wants to be treated a certain way, you need to decide that this is or is not acceptable. 

Next time he tells you to serve him, tell him no. You just made the food and his arms aren't broke.


----------



## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

It's just him and a mindset (maybe its upbringing or a personal choice to try to control). Us guys are all different you see. When I was married I used to often pick up shopping after I got off the bus on the way home and then cook and clean up. Now I'm single again (divorced long ago) I work full-time and do all the domestic stuff and keep the house nice and clean so its easy for me and my son who stays with me half the time. 

Maybe you could try talking to him about a few of the little things and see if he empathises or instead tries to bully you and take it from there. An old friend of mine married a few years back, he bragged to my brother that he never lifts a finger around the house. He didn't realise we found that evidence that he's a rude prick who doesn't care about other peoples' feelings which is true and he doesn't like that brought to his attention. We don't talk to him anymore to be honest.


----------



## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

MamaxP said:


> Hi guys.
> 
> I'm married to my hubby for 7 seven years now. I noticed a lot of things after our 1st year of married life.
> 
> ...


First, I think to a large extend this is a cultural artifact. I have noticed this in asian, easter, middle eastern, and Mediterranean cultures (I myself am of Mediterranean descent and have friends from the aforementioned cultures). Second, this is partly due to social norms and gender dynamics -- his expectations may also have been set by the dynamics in his family. Finally, this may be due to personality traits (he is the kind who views his woman either as (a) somewhat of a mother figure, or (b) subservient to him, or (c) both). In this case, your personalities seem to mismatch. At any rate, this isn't something to divorce your husband over. Simply talk to him about it (although I won't be surprised if he reacts defensively or even aggressively).

In my case, it is a combination of a few things: culture, gender dynamics, personality. I don't have to ask my wife to serve me food -- she just does it and enjoys it. By nature she is more of a mother with a very mellow temperament. My personality is more dominant and stern. My mother is the complete opposite, and I have never observed this between my mother and father.

In short, no, not all men do it (and not all women submit to it). Just talk to your husband if it makes you uncomfortable. If you simply don't care, then you could give in to his demands. He might even show his appreciation in some pleasant ways  

As far as leaving dirty close around: no, I don't do that. My wife and I both prefer order and I appreciate everything she does around the house - I don't need to create more work for her.


----------



## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

I should also mention that I occasionally cook myself, and serve my wife with pleasure. I have no problem with that. In other words, you guys just need to talk things out and find a place where you both are happy with your roles.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MamaxP said:


> Hi guys.
> 
> I'm married to my hubby for 7 seven years now. I noticed a lot of things after our 1st year of married life.
> 
> ...



It's a cultural thing, did he grow up in the Phillippines, did you?

In many SE asian countries, men often get served like this by their mothers or wives.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

aine said:


> It's a cultural thing, did he grow up in the Phillippines, did you?
> 
> In many SE asian countries, men often get served like this by their mothers or wives.


Both my father and fil were served like this by my mother and mil, in America and France, respectively.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If my husband ever expected me to serve his food onto his plate, or deliver him his clothes, or pick up his dirty laundry, I'd either laugh in his face or throw his ass out the door.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> If my husband ever expected me to serve his food onto his plate, or deliver him his clothes, or pick up his dirty laundry, I'd either laugh in his face or throw his ass out the door.




Oh come on Hope, you know you do it!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

When my wife cooks we all dish our own. When I cook, I dish it up because presentation is important. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Goobertron said:


> It's just him and a mindset (maybe its upbringing or a personal choice to try to control). Us guys are all different you see. When I was married I used to often pick up shopping after I got off the bus on the way home and then cook and clean up. Now I'm single again (divorced long ago) I work full-time and do all the domestic stuff and keep the house nice and clean so its easy for me and my son who stays with me half the time.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe you could try talking to him about a few of the little things and see if he empathises or instead tries to bully you and take it from there. An old friend of mine married a few years back, he bragged to my brother that he never lifts a finger around the house. He didn't realise we found that evidence that he's a rude prick who doesn't care about other peoples' feelings which is true and he doesn't like that brought to his attention. We don't talk to him anymore to be honest.




I like to pretend I do nothing at all to irritate my very controlling brother. My w plays along. It's kind of fun TBH - I play the clueless "old school man" and my w waits on me. It's a hoot and really gets under some people's skin

I figure it's my relationship anyway 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Hard as it may seem to believe I get excellent food service from the lovely Mrs. She refuses to allow me or the children to serve ourselves for fear of dropping food on the kitchen counter. I gratefully accept her offer. Even better, she rarely eats with us 😎.

I always clean up and wash / put away dishes.


----------



## Sly Fox (Jun 6, 2017)

No not every man is like this. Sounds like your husband is a lazy, entitled, dirty slob.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

As I have direct knowledge of Filipino families, I think the food serving is a cultural thing. It is not universal (or even that common) among Filipinos, but it certainly would be a more in keeping with a cultural behavior in the Philippines than in the US or other Western countries. There are certain behaviors/roles that Filipina women do which are not typical of US/Western women. I suspect he was conditioned that way from his doting mother. Also, many Filipino families of even middle class means traditionally have been able to have domestic help (maids, in particular) in the home due to the low labor costs. If he was raised this way, it may exacerbate his "learned helplessness". He needs to "un-learn" this behavior, but if true for his childhood experience, may explain how he got that way.


----------



## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Culture and social norms differ world-wide. 

It's not fair or right to compare right and wrong. It's only different. 

Men get away with such things more in places and less so elsewhere. Seems in Asia, men take longer to grow up. Thinking about that a moment... men world-wide take longer to grow the **** up.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

It's a cultural thing in the US as well. My maternal grandmother waited on my grandfather, even pealing his grapes. The wives on my mothers side waited on their husbands and didn't even eat with them (on the ranches).

My w serves but I don't know if her side did as well


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MamaxP (Jun 20, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I bet you feel like his maid more than a wife. It's sad, but it will not change until you start to stand up to him in a productive way.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Hi Elle. Sorry for responding late. My kids always has my phone -_- 

I do feel like I'm just a maid more than his wife. He doesn't help me at all. And when I tell him this, he tells me a bunch of crap. I'm tired and most of all exhausted. Every day. He doesn't see it. 

He said he was adopted. He was born in the Philippines and his aunt and uncle were the o e who adopted him and brought him here in California. He told me that they do not get along. And they treated him poorly. Especially the uncle/dad. I'm just going to what he told me. He also said that he has not seen them in years or even spoke to them. So I don't think they know that he is even married or has kids. I told him we wanted to meet them. And he tells me that " it's not a good idea" or " I don't think it's the right time yet." 




MamaxP


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

There are traditions everywhere, they often make us feel comfortable and "at home". When a couple marries the traditions collide and some times they conflict, sometimes there is room for compromise or acceptance. Hope could not accept serving food, but apparently many people do it. In the case of @MamaxP there is a resentment growing over a much more serious issue than serving food, or picking up laundry. The pain from that other financial, and emotional inattentiveness, is making these smaller annoyances seem larger. 

This is pretty common. adding up all of the little annoyances that seemed reasonable at the beginning when you need to vilify the other person enough to justify hurting them. I'm more worried about the time he is robbing Mamaxp of than her having to pick up his Laundry. If this is what she needs to do to get to the point where she says "Enough, I will not live with an addict who wastes our time and resources.", then the ends Justify the exaggeration.

A note on traditions and household chores. I lived in a culture where the dinner was brought from the kitchen on plates ready to eat. It was considered an insult to the cook to add even salt to the food. It was an adjustment for me, I was used to controlling my own portions and seasonings. When I cook Breakfasts, I often serve this way but of course I don't care how much syrup the kids use. Over the years, I have encouraged my kids to put their laundry in a hamper when they disrobe. Mostly I made sure their rooms and the bath room had hampers. My kids started doing their own laundry at 12. some of them are better at that than others. This is a great way to help them learn to put their clothes in the hamper, because when they run out of clothes they only have themselves to blame. All my kids have graduated High school and have spent some time living away from home. I have one Yo-Yo kid at home now, and there are days that I look in her room and say "hey, I can't see the floor". Mrs Nail hates laundry, so it is on my list now, but she will do it on a day off it means more together time when I'm home. She really appreciates it when I fold with her. Folding is the part she hates most.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MamaxP said:


> Hi Elle. Sorry for responding late. My kids always has my phone -_-
> 
> I do feel like I'm just a maid more than his wife. He doesn't help me at all. And when I tell him this, he tells me a bunch of crap. I'm tired and most of all exhausted. Every day. He doesn't see it.
> 
> ...


At this point, if I were you I would do some investigation to find out if this is true. I'm serious.

I've seen people use this kind of deflecting story to cover up for something in their life that is not cool. It's something that you probably should have done before you married him.

What does your family think of him? How is he with your family?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

First, do you work? Or are you just responsible for the home? If you are a SAHM, then it's kind of 50/50 on whether you should be doing all this 'maid' stuff. That IS your job, in my opinion, if you're not working outside the home.

Barring that, I'll give you two examples. The man I was engaged to in my teens, I went to his parents' home for dinner; he was in college, still lived there. I noticed that his mom was serving everyone. She didn't sit down until everyone had been served. As she was sitting down, my fiance literally pounded his fork and knife on the table and said 'More milk!' and his mom jumped up from the table and ran to get it for him. And in that moment of clarity, I realized that this is what he would expect of ME. I broke up with him soon after.

In my marriage, however, we have a system. We eat on the couch, in front of the tv, unless we have company. Whomever feels like cooking dinner, cooks. And that person plates the food and brings it to the other person who is, by then, sitting on the couch working or watching tv. Notice that it is reciprocal. We each take care of the other. 

You don't have that. 

HE is not going to GIVE you that. It will be up to you. "Hon, I love you, but I'm no longer going to be your servant. We are equals. So I"m going to cook dinner, but it's up to you to fix your own plate." That's it. Just say that, fix your own plate, and then sit down at the table and eat. He'll throw a fit. Let him. Not your problem. This is the start toward equality.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@turnera good call on that boy

W plates on a kitchen island - of course everyone can adjust - but everyone waits to eat until all sit down then we pray. Many nights w is doing something then fixes her plate last.... but we all wait. It's not really polite to eat before everyone is seated 

(We are 7 people though the two oldest are now in college)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MamaxP said:


> I do feel like I'm just a maid more than his wife. He doesn't help me at all. And when I tell him this, he tells me a bunch of crap.


I'll tell you a secret. Men are going to LET you be their servant. 

Until you won't.

Stop talking. Stop asking. Just stop doing. 

When I was feeling overwhelmed like you, my therapist told me to ask him to take one thing off my shoulders. One chore. Just one. So I did.

He refused. I was flabbergasted. I did 95% of all the housework back then and he couldn't volunteer to take care of just ONE item?

So I sat and stewed on it, and I decided I had to make a change, and I couldn't depend on him to take care of me. 

So I stopped doing his laundry. It took about a month for him to run out of clothes. I continued to do everything else in the house. Just not his laundry. Which gave me a HUGE mental lift, a gesture of loving myself, respecting myself. 

When he finally ran out of clean clothes, he attacked me. How DARE I not keep his clothes clean? I just shrugged and said "I ASKED you to help me with just one chore. You refused. I had to do SOMEthing to take a load off my shoulders, and I figured it didn't matter to me if you had clean clothes. So I stopped washing and drying and hanging them up and putting them away." And I walked away and kept working on other chores.

After an hour or so (I'm sure he was pouting but I wasn't having it), I heard him fixing something I'd been asking him to fix for years. So I did one load of laundry. Later I heard him fixing something else. So I did another load of laundry.

And so on. 

Don't waste your words; men know how to ignore your words; they're just 'nagging' and they learned how to ignore their mom's nagging years ago. Only actions matter.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

turnera said:


> I'll tell you a secret*. Men are going to LET you be their servant.*
> 
> Until you won't.
> 
> ...


This is not an absolute, not by any stretch. In this home he works in a very busy white collar role and I work for my self a few hours a week from home. He does a lot around the house and has never once expected me to be his servant. He does washing, cooking, cleaning or whatever needs to be done without being asked. If he sees me taking out the washing he will come and help me hang it up. He calls everyday on the way home from work to see if we need anything from the shops.

Not all men are like your husband and it is unfair to suggest that men will let women be their servant. Some will, some won't just as some women will and some won't.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Of course it's not an absolute, MrsHolland, but we are here talking about HER husband who IS doing it. Thus my advice stands.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

turnera said:


> Of course it's not an absolute, MrsHolland, but we are here talking about HER husband who IS doing it. Thus my advice stands.


In that case it would have read better if you referred to her husband specifically not "men" generally. It came across as an all of gender stereotype. That's all.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

To answer the original question, "Do all married men do this?"

I'm a husband, my answer is that I do all the cooking in the family. After cooking, I bring the food to the table and put portions onto each person's plate, including my wife's. The last time my wife made a meal for the family was several years ago.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Tatsuhiko said:


> To answer the original question, "Do all married men do this?"
> 
> I'm a husband, my answer is that I do all the cooking in the family. After cooking, I bring the food to the table and put portions onto each person's plate, including my wife's. The last time my wife made a meal for the family was several years ago.


What is the point of telling other people how much food they are expected to eat when at their house? Do you get upset if they don't eat it? (anyone can answer this)


----------



## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

MamaxP said:


> After I cook dinner, I'd bring the dish on the table... Then I noticed that he would expect me to serve him his food every single time. Do you guys do that too?


I think this is a cultural thing you're seeing, at least from my limited experience. I've never expected such service from my wife, and if I received such service, that would probably make me feel odd.



MamaxP said:


> Another one... every time my hubby gets home from work, I would give him his change of clothes. I'd tell him to change because he works at a retail store so his uniform is pretty dusty and dirty. Well every time he changes, he has a habit of not putting his dirty clothes (not just his uniform) straight to the laundry bin. He would just leave it where he's at.


I'd be lying if I were to tell you I was never guilty of this. It's due most often to forgetfulness. I try to be orderly and put things away.

If you're just having arguments about these types of things after a year of marriage, I say 'bravo'. Problems like "socks on the floor" or "who serves who at dinner" are extremely easy to solve. Other problems, not so much.

Maybe I'm reading into this too much, but Problem #1 might be serious if the husband is expecting your servitude due to a power differential (he works out of the home and provides, you work in the home). This isn't healthy! Husband and wife are a team. Not servant and master, but a team. 

You might want to discuss your husband's expectations and learn more of why he expects such a complete service package from you. Good luck!


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> In that case it would have read better if you referred to her husband specifically not "men" generally. It came across as an all of gender stereotype. That's all.




Absolutely agree. And frankly I believe she felt it is a gender specific problem. This is a gender neutral problem. There are MANY threads here where the H does all the work and the W does nothing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

No, not all men. You married a bad apple. I read that he's smoking "ice", I'm guessing that is meth? I hope that he isn't violent towards you, he could well be if you try to leave or stand up to him. Be careful. 

If you someday decide to leave this "man", I advise you strongly to have a good plan in place so that you never have to go back. 

Just because it's your culture and religion, doesn't mean you have to put up with this, he is failing his duty as a supposed husband. I'm Catholic, wouldn't put up with this. 

Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> What is the point of telling other people how much food they are expected to eat when at their house? Do you get upset if they don't eat it? (anyone can answer this)


Not sure I understand this question, or who you're asking. I dish out an amount of food that I think my wife and children will eat based on past experience. I do this mainly because it's more efficient and less messy than letting the children do it. No-one is "telling" anyone to do anything and no-one gets "upset". If the food is uneaten by one, another person eats it or it gets saved in the refrigerator as leftovers.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Not sure I understand this question, or who you're asking. I dish out an amount of food that I think my wife and children will eat based on past experience. I do this mainly because it's more efficient and less messy than letting the children do it. No-one is "telling" anyone to do anything and no-one gets "upset". If the food is uneaten by one, another person eats it or it gets saved in the refrigerator as leftovers.


okay, you got me there. Children need help with accessing food at the table. But why do you want to infantilize adults and even teenagers who know how hungry they are at that moment and can serve themselves.

Feeding someone based on how hungry they were last week doesn't work. When I was younger and was at guest in homes where people were served as described, I sued to clean my plate. Of course, I was taught not to waste food. But overeating can be very painful. I won't do it just to please some host.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> okay, you got me there. Children need help with accessing food at the table. But why do you want to infantilize adults and even teenagers who know how hungry they are at that moment and can serve themselves.
> 
> 
> 
> Feeding someone based on how hungry they were last week doesn't work. When I was younger and was at guest in homes where people were served as described, I sued to clean my plate. Of course, I was taught not to waste food. But overeating can be very painful. I won't do it just to please some host.




I think you're over thinking this.

My w plates everyone. But that doesn't limit what people can eat


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I think you're over thinking this.
> 
> My w plates everyone. *But that doesn't limit what people can eat*
> 
> ...


Does guilt someone into eating more than they intended?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Not sure I understand this question, or who you're asking. I dish out an amount of food that I think my wife and children will eat based on past experience. I do this mainly because it's more efficient and less messy than letting the children do it. No-one is "telling" anyone to do anything and no-one gets "upset". If the food is uneaten by one, another person eats it or it gets saved in the refrigerator as leftovers.


Do you take food from people's PLATES and save it as leftovers?? That's gross. And if not, what happens to the food left on plates? Do you throw it out? Isn't that waste that would be avoided if people were able to dish their own plates according to how hungry they are?

I was taught I had to clean my plate off at every meal growing up and it's resulted in issues with my weight all my adult life. My parents dished my food till I was about 10 or 12 and I had to eat it whether I wanted it or not. Once I was expected to dish my own food I had NO CLUE how much I actually wanted. I was often not hungry but took stuff anyway because I had to. I hope this isn't the case in your home. I managed to break the cycle with my own kids, and thankfully the message seems to have sunk in with them so my grandchildren aren't having to endure it.

I find the whole concept of dishing people's plates for them insulting. At my wedding I refused to allow it - we had a buffet and everyone INCLUDING the head table got up and filled their own plates.


----------



## Sly Fox (Jun 6, 2017)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Not sure I understand this question, or who you're asking. I dish out an amount of food that I think my wife and children will eat based on past experience. I do this mainly because it's more efficient and less messy than letting the children do it. No-one is "telling" anyone to do anything and no-one gets "upset". If the food is uneaten by one, another person eats it or it gets saved in the refrigerator as leftovers.


Now let's imagine you spent a while preparing that meal, and then your wife and kids demanded you put it in the plate or they refused to eat. I would be like, ok, starve! (Assuming kids are not under 10 let's say)


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Where I live many of the wives (some working) actually pack their H's suit cases when they travel for business.
They serve up a meal when he arrives home
Hold down jobs and do all the cooking and cleaning too.

I am from a western culture so

1. I never pack his suit cases, how would I know what to pack, how many meetings, free time etc

2. I will sometimes get him dinner if all have eaten or eat up the left overs when he is late

3. Forget that, he has to pay for a housekeeper now, before I did this and it nearly killed me as I had a 2 hour commute, He just wasn't home due to travelling or working late. Now I do as little as possible.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> This is not an absolute, not by any stretch. In this home he works in a very busy white collar role and I work for my self a few hours a week from home. He does a lot around the house and has never once expected me to be his servant. He does washing, cooking, cleaning or whatever needs to be done without being asked. If he sees me taking out the washing he will come and help me hang it up. He calls everyday on the way home from work to see if we need anything from the shops.
> 
> Not all men are like your husband and it is unfair to suggest that men will let women be their servant. Some will, some won't just as some women will and some won't.


I still think Tunera is on to something and the majority will let you do the work, if they can get away with it.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, I'd guess at least 90% of men alive today were raised by women who did these things for them. The dad may have been around, but it was the mom nearly all of them saw doing all, or at least most, of the day-to-day housework. So it's what they know. Try to be enlightened all you want, but there's still a double standard. It's changing, but you don't change cultural norms overnight. Or even in a couple of generations.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

aine said:


> I still think Tunera is on to something and the majority will let you do the work, if they can get away with it.


Not IME. What majority? The majority of men you know, is this an American way of life?

Would be interested to hear from other Aussies here but this way of life is not the norm in my circle and I have never experienced a man that expected me to wait on him. My dad was not like this with mum, my brothers not with their wives. I have never heard a friend say their husband is like this.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

America is a very big place with lots of cultures and some traditions passed down from generations ago. There is no single American approach to this.

It has nothing to do with entitlement.

It has to do with compatibility.

Many, many women enjoy taking care of people - children, spouses, parents. I've seen a lot of that, and though in my personal opinion it's not necessary, I also know from personal experience that if this is a woman's makeup and what makes her happy, then sometimes it's appropriate to graciously accept and show appreciation.

I've read numerous threads here where the guy does the lions share of work and doesn't resent it in the least.

And many others that share everything.

It's just about finding someone whose approach is compatible, or, as in my case, flexible and willingly adapt (and take responsibility for other things not to your spouses liking)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Reading this thread has made me really look at my interactions with my w. It's funny because now I see how politely and considerately we treat each other. I hadn't thought about it - we've been together for 30+ years - and it's all we know - but I always assumed that's what a marriage was. Now I realize I should feel lucky 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> America is a very big place with lots of cultures and some traditions passed down from generations ago. There is no single American approach to this.
> 
> It has nothing to do with entitlement.
> 
> ...


I do lots of things for my husband and kids (inc. Step kids) but I am at home and have a very free life. Kids can expect too much at times and it is the parents role to drag them up to be responsible adults. If MrH had the "house maid" type of expectation we would have lasted all of 5 mins. Funny thing is that because he does not expect me to iron his shirts or do other chores then I go about doing them happily.

I like your last sentence. Big believer in equity over equality here so occasionally I will ask MrH to do something that goes outside what I am comfortable with and visa versa.

We have a system with the kids where they have chores that get rotated each fortnight. It is totally up to them to either do the jobs themselves or pay to out source i.e pay one of the other kids to do the chore for them. When any of them have exams coming up then they are given less to do around the house and the rest of us take up the slack during this time.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

This conversation got weird really fast. I never imagined that it would be controversial to dish out food for someone else. The cafeteria ladies at school used to do it for me, and I didn't realize they were bullying me. Once when I was at a restaurant, the waiter brought out food that was already on a plate and put it in front of me. Actually, this often happens at restaurants. Now that I recognize the extent to which I've been victimized and guilted, I think I'll bow out of this conversation.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Tatsuhiko said:


> This conversation got weird really fast. I never imagined that it would be controversial to dish out food for someone else. The cafeteria ladies at school used to do it for me, and I didn't realize they were bullying me. Once when I was at a restaurant, the waiter brought out food that was already on a plate and put it in front of me. Actually, this often happens at restaurants. Now that I recognize the extent to which I've been victimized and guilted, I think I'll bow out of this conversation.


You're so weak that you let strangers who are at YOUR service (you do pay when you go to a restaurant, don't you?) guilt you into eating everything that you ordered? Are you afraid to ask for a doggy bag in a restaurant? Do you ask for a doggy bag in a private home?


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> Not IME. What majority? The majority of men you know, is this an American way of life?
> 
> Would be interested to hear from other Aussies here but this way of life is not the norm in my circle and I have never experienced a man that expected me to wait on him. My dad was not like this with mum, my brothers not with their wives. I have never heard a friend say their husband is like this.


Asia is a classic example, most men think it is the woman's job to do the domestic stuff. Unless of course they have a maid, which many middle class people have. They grow up with women, maybe even more than one woman (mother, grandmother and maid ) doing everything for them. I would like to hear from Asian men (not those living in the West).

One also has to consider the generation too. Younger generations with both parents working may be different but not from what i see from my family, his family and friends.

Research backs up the fact that women do most domestic chores

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-010-9797-z?LI=true


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

aine said:


> Asia is a classic example, most men think it is the woman's job to do the domestic stuff. Unless of course they have a maid, which many middle class people have. They grow up with women, maybe even more than one woman (mother, grandmother and maid ) doing everything for them. I would like to hear from Asian men (not those living in the West).
> 
> One also has to consider the generation too. Younger generations with both parents working may be different but not from what i see from my family, his family and friends.
> 
> ...


Yes the research shows here too that women spend more time doing domestics here too but that is not the same as the implication that "men" will let women be their servant.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> Does guilt someone into eating more than they intended?


That has more to do with individuals than being a general rule. It has been shown that making kids eat everything on their plate can have implications later in life.

Here we do a mix of serving or DIY depending on the type of meal we are having. If it is a big BBQ then all the dishes are put on the table and people help themselves, but most meals we serve from the stove to the plate and MrH and I tend to have a good idea of how much each person eats and what they do and don't like so we serve accordingly. No one has to finish everything on their plate, that seems very controlling.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

This explains everything.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

MamaxP : What he started all those years ago was a form of control. Maybe some of it was cultural. But really, he is that lazy to put clothes in a hamper?

How is it in my household? Both my wife and I work. She usually cooks and is good at it. So I clean the dishes. There are things I do around the home, there are things that she does. We are a team.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

With the other thread talking about abuse and disrespect. The issues with the food is minor but part of the overall problems with the husband.

He doesn't want YOU to work or have you have more control of your life... but that takes CONTROL away from HIM! If you had a job, had your own money - then your ability to be independent and hire a lawyer and leave him becomes a possiblity.

You are his slave.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> Yes the research shows here too that women spend more time doing domestics here too but that is not the same as the implication that "men" will let women be their servant.


I do not agree. I guess you have problems with the term 'servant'?

Men are naturally more instrumental than women and less concerned about feelings and maintaining relationships. You see a group of women visiting their friends, they are more inclined to get up and help wash and tidy up after dinner, rarely would you see that happen with men.
That is anecdotal for sure, and research also shows this phenomena particularly in Africa and Asia. One country in Asia (no names mentioned) have women working while men sit at home and hang out with friends. In Africa gender development studies show that men are 'lazy.'

The Western man has been expected to chip in so things may be different.

In my own experience, when we lived in western countries, my H would start the cooking, vacuum , fold laundry etc.
In Asian countries, because we had a helper, he would hardly get himself a glass of water. I on the other hand would do everything at weekends (when helper off) including cooking, ferrying kids around, laundry, cleaning, etc.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

aine said:


> I do not agree. I guess you have problems with the term 'servant'?
> 
> Men are naturally more instrumental than women and less concerned about hipfeelings and maintaining relationss. You see a group of women visiting their friends, they are more inclined to get up and help wash and tidy up after dinner, rarely would you see that happen with men.
> That is anecdotal for sure, and research also shows this phenomena particularly in Africa and Asia. One country in Asia (no names mentioned) have women working while men sit at home and hang out with friends. In Africa gender development studies show that men are 'lazy.'
> ...


I cannot comment on other cultures but as a participant in a Western culture (Australian) then my personal experience says that men are *not *less concerned about feelings and maintaining relationships. The men I am surrounded by as a whole are nothing like what the OP and other (American) based posters state.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I got married in May, and we didn't live together before we married. So, I was wondering if I'd discover things about him that I didn't notice before. But, no, he doesn't expect me to put the food on his plate, but that could be a cultural thing. If you don't like doing it, or feel like it's expects of you and demeaning, simply state that to him, and hopefully, he will respect your wishes to not have to do that. I didn't read through the thread, so not sure if this advice was given. 

To answer the question though, I don't know of any men who expect this of their wives.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

People should live together before marriage, a good way to determine long-term compatiblity. Living with someone 24/7 in 6 months is different than dating for 2+ years or whatever.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MrsHolland said:


> I cannot comment on other cultures but as a participant in a Western culture (Australian) then my personal experience says that men are *not *less concerned about feelings and maintaining relationships. The men I am surrounded by as a whole are nothing like what the OP and other (American) based posters state.


I would submit that the Australian culture is by FAR very different from American culture. I'm sure you've heard of the Puritans or Puritan culture? That's America. At the underlying of us is the WASP superiority belief system based on white heavy duty Christians following what they 'think' is the 'true Christian way' - i.e. men rule the home, women submit, and as long as that is in play, things are good. Of course nowadays things are breaking up into a wide variety of belief systems and choices; one of the reasons America's so screwed up right now. The conservative white Christian groups don't like those uppity women who think they are equals or expect their men to share housework. It's just not that common here; at least not down here in the South. There's literally a subculture war going on here with the aforementioned group not wanting things to change, and everyone else wanting it. One of the reasons we're seeing an upsurge here in conservative Christians going to homeschooling en masse to 'protect' their kids from the evil rest of America that you see in public schools; families where the woman IS a SAHM and DOES serve the family in most cases.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

turnera said:


> I would submit that the Australian culture is by FAR very different from American culture. I'm sure you've heard of the Puritans or Puritan culture? That's America. At the underlying of us is the WASP superiority belief system based on white heavy duty Christians following what they 'think' is the 'true Christian way' - i.e. men rule the home, women submit, and as long as that is in play, things are good. Of course nowadays things are breaking up into a wide variety of belief systems and choices; one of the reasons America's so screwed up right now. The conservative white Christian groups don't like those uppity women who think they are equals or expect their men to share housework. It's just not that common here; at least not down here in the South. There's literally a subculture war going on here with the aforementioned group not wanting things to change, and everyone else wanting it. One of the reasons we're seeing an upsurge here in conservative Christians going to homeschooling en masse to 'protect' their kids from the evil rest of America that you see in public schools; families where the woman IS a SAHM and DOES serve the family in most cases.


The most recent Census figures came out recently showing an increase of those that do not identify with any religion up to around 30% with the next being Catholics at around 22%. Many identify as not religious but Spiritual (inc. me).

I think this is a fantastic trend and hope it continues and would like to see us become even more secular. No doubt there are some areas here that are similar to what you are saying but I don't have any first hand experience or stories from friends/family that reflect this "woman is servant" type of mentality. I think Australia grew up very fast post 50's to be a much more balanced society.


----------



## westbank23 (Mar 8, 2013)

My wife cooks and serves me my food...shes a housewife and I'm the bread winner...there's nothing wrong with catering to your man..

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MrsHolland said:


> The most recent Census figures came out recently showing an increase of those that do not identify with any religion up to around 30% with the next being Catholics at around 22%. Many identify as not religious but Spiritual (inc. me).
> 
> I think this is a fantastic trend and hope it continues and would like to see us become even more secular. No doubt there are some areas here that are similar to what you are saying but I don't have any first hand experience or stories from friends/family that reflect this "woman is servant" type of mentality. I think Australia grew up very fast post 50's to be a much more balanced society.


I definitely agree. I wish we had something like that. Down here in the 'Red States,' it's kid of like being in a very mild military zone because if you don't 'toe the line,' you are open to a lot of stares, eye rolling, tsk-tsking, because you're outnumbered. It wasn't that long ago that if you got pregnant before marriage, you were sent away to have it so nobody would know. My own mom did that with my brother - moved all the way across the country to have him, in the 50s. Even in the 70s and 80s, good girls didn't have sex and if you weren't married by 20, there was something wrong with you. And we had a lot of trouble with teachers not teaching STEM to the girls, as they were considered too dumb to understand it and, anyway, they were going to get married and have kids and stay at home anyway, so why bother? In 1971, I had a female math teacher and we were literally shocked! Never happened before.

Things are getting better, but you just can't get around the Puritan standards here, at least not easily.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> I got married in May, and we didn't live together before we married. So, I was wondering if I'd discover things about him that I didn't notice before. But, no, he doesn't expect me to put the food on his plate, but that could be a cultural thing. If you don't like doing it, or feel like it's expects of you and demeaning, simply state that to him, and hopefully, he will respect your wishes to not have to do that. I didn't read through the thread, so not sure if this advice was given.
> 
> To answer the question though, I don't know of any men who expect this of their wives.


My H is Asian and used to ask me to make him up a plate. It irked me so I changed the way of doing things, set out the food (normally a few dishes) buffet style, put out plates and cultery and let him (and eventually the kids) help themselves and then carry the plates to the dining area. That worked :grin2:


----------



## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

I am Scottish and believe me no Scottish woman would take his crap, he would likely to get a large spoon clattered of his skull for trying it on, get a grip MamaxP, don't let him control you in this way, you are encouraging him to behave disrespectfully to you, STOP it now.
Love and peace always.
KevinZX


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

westbank23 said:


> My wife cooks and serves me my food...shes a housewife and I'm the bread winner...there's nothing wrong with catering to your man..


Nothing wrong with catering to your woman either.

Even when my wife wasn't working and she cooks dinner / breakfest. Sometimes she makes me a plate, usually not. Doesn't bother me... I'm a big boy. I can actually handle the ability to scoop food out pots and pans an onto my plate.


----------



## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

Hi,, my wife has told me since she left some weeks ago that one thing i did really bothered her, my socks that i took off before getting into bed lying down my side of the bed, now i am not saying that is why she left, surely not, but my response to her was although she had 5 wardrobes and 4 chests of drawers to put her clothes in she constantly had many outfits hanging on doors and over the stair handrail, i think she might be clutching at straws just to find a reason for leaving. I bet with a little encouragement from your hubby will do what you ask every-time. My wife was just a lazy woman who tirelessly found fault with most things, please don't let this annoy you, life is to short, take action and you may see your hubby in a whole new light.

Love and peace aways

KevinZX


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

turnera said:


> I would submit that the Australian culture is by FAR very different from American culture. I'm sure you've heard of the Puritans or Puritan culture? That's America. At the underlying of us is the WASP superiority belief system based on white heavy duty Christians following what they 'think' is the 'true Christian way' - i.e. men rule the home, women submit, and as long as that is in play, things are good. Of course nowadays things are breaking up into a wide variety of belief systems and choices; one of the reasons America's so screwed up right now. The conservative white Christian groups don't like those uppity women who think they are equals or expect their men to share housework. It's just not that common here; at least not down here in the South. There's literally a subculture war going on here with the aforementioned group not wanting things to change, and everyone else wanting it. One of the reasons we're seeing an upsurge here in conservative Christians going to homeschooling en masse to 'protect' their kids from the evil rest of America that you see in public schools; families where the woman IS a SAHM and DOES serve the family in most cases.



That is very interesting, what you have written, but to my mind if a woman is also working, then she needs help, the bible doesn't say otherwise. 
I love how it is taken out of context. The bible says wives should submit to their husbands (this is respect ) but then it goes on to say "Husbands,* love* your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her " that there is talking about sacrificial servant hood not Lording it over the wife. So I think those men need to go back to bible study. I would have absolutely not problems with a man dedicated to loving and serving his wife.


----------

