# Is there any hope in this situation?



## Superacer87 (Jan 21, 2018)

Please read this entire post as it’s necessary to understand my situation. I am a homemaker with three young children. Approximately five years ago my husband asked me to open a credit card for him in my name that he could use to start an online business by purchasing merchandise from China to sell on eBay. I reluctantly agreed to open a credit card for him and add him as an authorized user just so he can be pleased with me. I also trusted him that he would pay the bill every month. When eBay suddenly decided to close his account, he couldn’t sell the merchandise he already bought from China and therefore could not pay the thousands of dollars he spent on my credit card. So he resorted to paying only the minimum payment each month and thus incur monthly interest. He’s paid the monthly minimum for over 4 years now which has only paid off a small fraction of the over $10,000 he spent on my credit card since the monthly interest and minimum payment almost offset each other. He had the opportunity to pay off the credit card for good when he decided to sell the condo we were living in. He sold the condo for over $75,000. I asked him repeatedly to please use some of the money to pay off the credit card debt and instead used the money to pay back the loan he got from his friends and insisted on using any leftover money to invest in buying cars to sell. I was extremely upset and felt that he just took advantage of my credit card and could care less about paying all the debt since it’s under my name even though HE was the one who made all the charges. I feel helpless because I am the account holder so I am the one liable for all the debt despite the fact it is my husband who did all the spending. 

Being a stay at home mom, I tried to just focus on raising my kids and not on the unhappy marriage. But one of my biggest regrets was agreeing to move with him to a different state where he got a job working at one of his friends car lots. He found a rental house but made me put it under my name since I have better credit than him. This made me very nervous because I was afraid he might decide not to pay the rent. One day, he threw a phone at me simply because I turned off the light while he was in the kitchen. I didn’t do it deliberately so I was stunned that he threw an object at me which hit my arm and left a large painful bruise. I could have called the police right then and there but instead told him if he ever tried to do it again I will be calling the cops. This turned out to be another big regret. It wasn’t the first time he threw objects at me but it was the first time an object actually hit me and caused a bruise. Before that he threw a flower vase at me but I moved before it could hit me. The bruise I received was very painful for almost a week and I thought about reporting it to police but was afraid of making things worse if I did. I was scared he would stop paying all the bills especially the credit card and the rent that’s under my name so I kept quiet about it but took pictures of the bruise just in case. 

A couple months later we got into a fight. My husband pinned me in the bed and painfully bent my arms behind my back. In the process of trying to break free I tried to fight back. My oldest son tried to defend me by hitting my husband but my husband pushed our oldest son to the wall. After our fight I told my husband I don’t want him anymore and told him to leave the house. But he decided to call the police on ME. He told the police he needed help because I was hitting him and our son. So when the cops came he told them I took a swing at him and struck him on his face and hit our son on his back (our son had no visible marks). A cop noticed a scratch on my husband’s neck and shocking arrested ME for domestic violence even though I only acted in self defense. I had bruises all over my arms which the cops failed to notice as I was wearing long sleeves. It was the worst day of my life as I never thought I would ever be arrested because I have always been a goody two shoes and never even had a traffic ticket. I had a squeaky clean record and he took that away from me. I am still shocked that cops would arrest the battered wife when my husband was the real abuser. I had many opportunities to call the police on my husband when he hurt me but the only time I actually fought back and I get arrested??? What a great travesty. I lost all respect for the police after that day and can fully understand why so many people hate them since innocent individuals like myself have been wrongly arrested.

I can’t get over how I had to spend the night in jail and to be treated as a criminal when I committed no crime. My husband took advantage of the pending case to do whatever he wants and say whatever he wants. He could bad mouth me and my family and threaten to punch me across the room and I couldn’t do anything about it because he had the leverage. He would often taunt me and tell me he’s not going to drop the case. I was at his mercy and he took great advantage of that. I suffered from deep anxiety during the three months of misery he put me through while my case was pending. Since I was very stressed out and spending a lot of my free time searching for good lawyers and how to resolve this ridiculous case, I couldn’t keep up with all the housework (the house is usually very spotless). My husband knew this yet invited a CPS worker in the house without letting me know she was coming. I was so angry at my husband for inviting a CPS worker inside and never cared to tell me in order to let me tidy up the house. To make matters worse, my husband pointed to the CPS lady all the spots I hadn’t had time to clean even though I was taking care of three young children by myself and going through a crisis when I had no help and no family close by. My husband made me look very bad in front of the CPS caseworker and kept saying bad things about me to her. My husband told the caseworker repeatedly that I am “not a fit mom.” That was one of the most hurtful things I ever heard him say when I love my kids more than anything. After the CPS worker left, I became scared of losing custody of my kids and that the CPS worker might have a bad report on me. So I not only had to worry about the domestic violence case but having CPS getting involved in my life. This was living nightmare. Words cannot describe how much I hated and despised my husband for putting me through this but I had to hide my feeling while the case was pending. 

I had to ask family members to help me pay the thousands of dollars on lawyer fees. It was during this time that my husband wanted us to move to his home country in Jordan to raise the kids there. Since he had so much leverage, I couldn’t refuse so he proceeded to ship all our belongings to his native country. After our items were shipped, I traveled back to my home state of Illinois and stayed with my parents to wait there until my court date. My lawyer sent me an affidavit for my husband to sign stating he doesn’t want to testify. After signing it, my husband all of the sudden decided not to mail the paper back to my lawyer just to torture me some more. I broke down in tears because I couldn’t believe how he can be so abusive to me. My husband said he would only agree to sign the paper on the condition that I bring the kids to live in Jordan. 

In the day of the court, I had to buy plane tickets to travel back to Alabama (where it occurred) along with my dad and 2 year old son since my mother was already taking care of the two other sons. 

In court, the judge dismissed the case with prejudice. The case was dismissed so fast I was in court for less than five minutes. I was so relieved that it was over and I didn’t even need to go through a trial. I spent three months worrying for nothing. My dad and I bought plane tickets to fly back to Illinois the same day. I had to pay the lawyer $2,000 again in order to do an expungement. So in total I had to spend over $6,000 in legal fees plus over $1,500 in round trip tickets to Alabama for my dad, son, and me, which my family helped foot the bill. I’m upset that my family had to spend so much money on a problem that my cruel husband caused. On top of that, I am STILL carrying my husband debt on my credit card from over 5 years ago. The balance is $8,000. After my husband went to his country Jordan, he completely stopped making even the minimum payment on the credit card. 

I have no way of getting my husband to pay the credit card balance (even though he was the one who made all charges in the first place). Since I am the account holder and he was only an authorized user, I am stuck with debt caused by my husband. Not wanting to ruin my good credit, I have to resort to asking my poor father to help pay the monthly minimum of of $200. My family can’t afford to pay more than the minimum payment since they had to spend so much money on my legal fees. 

I am now stuck living in Jordan with the kids. I am extremely miserable and in a foreign country. I am not allowed to go back to the U.S with my kids without my husband permission due to the patriarch society here. Even if I somehow miraculously managed to go back with at least 2 of the kids, I have no money to hire a good divorce lawyer and have so much debt caused by my husband. I’m also afraid my husband will gain favor in the court because of my arrest and CPS visit, and that custody may be given to him. Therefore I feel trapped here as I am scared of losing my kids. I don’t think there is any good solution other than to continue living in Jordan so I can be with the kids. Although I have a B.A degree, I worry if I will ever find a decent job to be financially independent because I am scared prospective employers might discover my wrongful arrest during a background check and deny me employment even though I was never convicted. Plus I lack work experience. 

My husband has continued to be abusive to me in Jordan. He often threatens to punch me and hit me, and I feel completely helpless. He has hit me on my face so hard that a tooth broke. And he continues to get away with both the physical and emotional abuse since he has the advantage and the police has let me down. I guess this is my luck. 

My poor family is still paying the debt on my credit card caused by my husband. He has ruined my spotless record, financially crippled me, and caused me so much pain and suffering. I honestly don’t know if I will ever be happy.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Contact the US embassy. They deal with this stuff all the time. 

Sometimes people have had to hire mercenaries to smuggle them and the kids out of mideastern countries.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The US legal system really needs to have some kind of restriction or at least warning labels on American women marrying mid eastern men. 

There needs to be some kind of mandatory legal counseling that explains to western women that if their children set foot in an Arab state that they may not ever get them back on US soil.


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## Superacer87 (Jan 21, 2018)

I would caution anyone to think twice before marrying a foreign man, especially one from the Middle East. Here in Jordan it is seen as acceptable for a man to hit his wife to “keep her in line” and it is assumed that the wife deserved to be hit so people here tend to look the other way. So a man can easily get away with abuse and domestic violence. 

Also a man here can legally marry four different women. My husband often taunts me about marrying a second woman. His own father even took a second wife when he became middle age. His second wife was the same age as his daughter (24)! I wouldn’t want to stay with someone who married someone else. I wish I could take my kids and leave this wretched country, but I don’t know how. In Jordan, a woman needs written permission from her husband signed in front of a sheriff before traveling out of the country with children. Airport personnel ask women travelers for such documents. The other option is to leave by myself but I can’t bear not being with my children.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You made a massive mistake marrying this man, staying with him when he began to abuse you, and going over there to live. You must do all you can to get yourself and the children back home, starting as someone has said with the American embassy. If that fails you may need to hire someone to get you all out secretly. 
Marrying a middle eastern man is madness, as you have discovered.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

wow...

ok, so no, there really isnt any hope, unless you are willing to do things against jordanian law. 


personally, i would be willing to smuggle my own children out of that situation, and risk imprisonment or worse if caught. but thats just me...

my advice? look up the TOR browser, learn how to use it, learn about VPN's, and start searching. learn about the hidden wiki, hidden redit, etc. just looking up how you could get your children out of that situation could be dangerous for you. learn how to keep yourself anonymous.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I do hesitate to answer. Please forgive me if my answer is completely wrong.

I think you are crippled by fear. You say you hate the police but I don’t notice you say that you spoke up about the abuse you suffered. Did you show your bruises? Did you show the pictures you took before? Did you ask your counselor to document your injuries while you were in jail? Did you ask the Social Worker to help you escape your abusive husband?

You must free yourself from the tyranny of his abuse. You must speak up when someone who might help you can hear you. If the opportunity arises again do not hesitate because you hate the police or don’t trust social workers, or just hate America now. Come home. There is help for you. But you must be your own advocate. 

You must not let your husband’s abuse keep you silent. You must not allow your distrust of American institutions to keep you from reaching out for help. Yes, many of us make mistakes, but give us a chance. Please remember, people here love you and do want you back.

Be well, somehow.


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## Superacer87 (Jan 21, 2018)

You’re right that I’m crippled with fear. I’m so traumatized about what happened to me that I suffer from insomnia thinking about it. One of my biggest regrets was not speaking up more. I completely regret not calling the police the first time when he threw an object at me and caused a large painful bruise on my arm. He could have been arrested. But my husband claimed the police wouldn’t believe me based on my word and no proof that he threw something at him. Also bruises take hours to really show up. So I naively believed him. I also was afraid my husband would stop paying the credit card debt that HE caused because I didn’t want to be the one paying for it. If I had known he wasn’t going to pay the credit card anyway once he traveled back to his native country, I would have taken the chance and called the police on him. I spend sleepless nights thinking about the things I should have done differently. 

Another huge regret was agreeing to open a credit card under my name and allowing my husband to spend thousands of dollars on it. He claimed he needed capital to grow his business and I put all my trust in him that he will pay it back. He betrayed me and basically stole over $8,000 from me. I wish I didn’t trust him but he was my husband. On top of that I had to spend thousands of dollars on lawyer fees when I was the real victim. 

When my husband called 911 to falsely accuse me of being the one to hit him, the cops did a poor job investigating and just automatically treated my husband as the “victim” as he was the one who called first. Being a woman paralyzed with fear, I didn’t speak up as much as I should have but I never thought for a single second that I could be wrongly charged with a crime. My bruises were covered up at the time so the cops just assumed I had none without really checking. Also, as I said before, bruises take time to fully become visible and mine were still fresh. I did show the cops a picture of past bruises from a previous incident but they simply asked when that happened and still went ahead with arresting me based solely on my husband’s accusation that I scratched him. I couldn’t believe it. I am still in shock about it to this day. How could they do that based on my husband’s word alone when they obviously didn’t witness what happened? 

If only they had asked my five year old son who actually saw what happened, he would tell them that it was his dad who was hitting and hurting his mom. It was my eldest son who was trying to defend me by hitting my husband but my husband pushed our son away and caused him to hit the wall. I still can’t believe that my husband got away with hurting both me and our son, and I was the one who had to suffer. My husband is a lot taller and physically stronger than me. He can easily beat me. So how could the cops have been so incompetent? How could they have been so stupid to arrest the wrong person? These are questions I keep finding myself asking. I’m living proof on how easy it is for anyone to be wrongly arrested based on someone else’s word alone. You could be the most law abiding citizen but can get arrested simply if someone accused you of doing something wrong even if they don’t have any solid proof. This is unjust and people’s lives can be ruined based on a single false accusation. This is why I have lost faith in the police. It appears that there not there to protect you but there to try to get you. They certainly didn’t protect me even though I was the real victim. 

I did take pictures of my bruises the day after the incident for my own record. But my husband certainly has the advantage with having a police report in his favor and picture of his scratch that the cop took. My husband did a good job getting away with lying to the police. 

He also got away with committing marriage fraud when he married his first American wife just to get the green card. It was a sham marriage and he divorced right after he got his papers. Of course he got away with fooling immigration officials. I don’t know how my husband always seem to get lucky with getting away with everything and getting everything he wants. He was able to blackmail me into getting the kids to Jordan where I have little rights. 

I am really hoping I can go back to the U.S and take my kids with me.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I truly hope you can too.

And you are right. It is easy to be falsely accused by a liar. The police do tend to believe the first person who called. Also, the pictures you took yourself are not very convincing. You must show others. The one scratch the police saw themselves means much more than words and your pictures.

I want you to come back with your children. I want you to speak up about the horrors that await any other woman who might consider your path. You have been wronged in many ways.

Please remember the path to finding peace probably includes, and in my opinion must include, telling people what has happened, and showing people when you can. I know it is deeply personal and you would have felt ashamed, but I think if you had an attorney come in and photograph your injuries in jail you would have stepped closer to being free.

Free your spirit. Free your mind.

That is past. Now, the future. 

He controls you through fear. He forced you and your children onto the plane with fear. 

In Jordan he can kill you and get away with it. 

But you can still learn to not be afraid. So hard to do. How? Unfortunately, I do not have an answer. Perhaps to know your fate lies in God’s hands, and not really in your husband’s. My wife says that is the truth. 

I am not very religious. My wife says I may be a genius, but I don’t really know much. She says God will take care of me even though I don’t deserve it. 

Surely He is watching over you.


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## Superacer87 (Jan 21, 2018)

Thank you for your insight. I pray that God will help guide me in making the right decisions and going on the right path. 

To answer your question, I was only in jail for 12 hours before being released. I didn’t even need to pay a bond. But those 12 hours were the longest hours of my life as it was extremely difficult to spend the night away from my babies. I’m usually the one to put them to sleep and tuck them in at night. I also nurse my 1 year old child to sleep. All I could think of is how my baby must be crying all night because I wasn’t there nurse him and put him to sleep. I never before spent a single night away from my children. So I literally did not sleep for a single second that night at the police station. I don’t know how I will ever get over being taken away from my children, and wrongly arrested and wrongly imprisoned. I’m still traumatized to this day and suffer from PTSD from that terrible night. 

After spending a lot of time searching for lawyers and hiring one, I did show him pictures of my injuries. But my lawyer never had to show these pictures to anyone because my case never actually went to trial. The case was quickly dismissed by the judge on the scheduled court date. I’m definitely relieved that I didn’t have to go through a trial or some program. The judge had enough sense to quickly dismiss this ridiculous case. The hardest part was having to wait three long months before the schedule court date. 

Although the case is officially dismissed and closed, I’m still traumatized by the night of my wrongful arrest. I find it hard to move on from that. I worried it might haunt me in the future. I have problems sleeping because of it. 

My husband took practically everything from me: my dignity, my spotless record, so much of my money, my excellent credit, and my children if he decides to take them away from me. That’s my greatest fear. He has the ability to take them away from me any time. If I could smuggle my kids out, I would.

If you know anyone who was in a foreign country with the kids, please let me how they escaped,


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