# Lawyers, Guns and Money



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Hi.

Um... how does the legal thing work for divorce? The process and procedure?

* your first consultation is that a fee or gratis?
* will they give you an idea if your case is winnable or is it their job to get you on the line and bleed you dry?
* what is the price range for a fairly quick divorce in a major metropolitan city on the east coast? (no assets/children)
* what do you know about men and alimony? my wife will make somewhere between 5-8x what i make this year and possibly 10x next year per the contract she signed a few months ago.
* how do you go about asking that your spouse pay for your legal fees? is that negotiable with the lawyers on the front end.
* did you interview lawyers or go with a recommendation?

- we've been separated for 2.5 months. she has zero interest in reconciliation (WAW) and wants to file the paperwork on her own before she starts her new job in a few months (at a law firm). i am essentially unemployed.

- i have people telling me that it's not worth the hassle and to walk away. i have people telling me that you were building a life together and to not let her walk away unscathed. and then there's the moral issue around alimony.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm just beginning to get my head past the weariness of hope and moving to the next thing.

and this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5puAN1PGQw


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Orpheus said:


> * your first consultation is that a fee or gratis?
> * will they give you an idea if your case is winnable or is it their job to get you on the line and bleed you dry?
> * what is the price range for a fairly quick divorce in a major metropolitan city on the east coast? (no assets/children)
> * what do you know about men and alimony? my wife will make somewhere between 5-8x what i make this year and possibly 10x next year per the contract she signed a few months ago.
> ...


The laws vary from state to state but tend to be similar between neighboring states. I'm from NY.

Free consultations seem to be going the way of the dinosaur but if you call around you can probably still find attorneys that will sit with you or talk on the phone for a half hour or so at no charge to get an idea of your case and give you feedback on what you might expect.

As far as a divorce case being "winnable", it's not usually that black and white unless you're looking for a decision on something that could go only one of two possible ways, such as sole custody for a child. Usually its more a matter of (for example) how much of your marital assets you stand to gain or lose, how much support you might be expected to pay or receive.

The courts are very unpredictable, your outcome could vary widely not only on the judge but how he or she feels about you, or even what sort of mood they happen to be in when the gavel comes down. Most cases settle, and the attorney could give you a general idea of where you stand in terms of the major points of your divorce but there are just too many unknowns for them to say "you have a good chance of winning this point or losing this point".

Most of the time the parties settle the case before it is left to the hands of the courts, something like only 5% of all divorces actually go to trial due to the huge expense and the time it takes to get the required court days. Even in the ugliest, most bitter divorces, eventually the two parties realize they're wasting time and money and they are more willing to negotiate and accept less than they originally would have because they get realistic and over time the hostilities start to fade or they just tire of writing checks for thousands of dollars and they just want to get on with their lives already. My divorce did in fact go to court, we had a 3 day trial and then we settled rather than going back for more.

An uncontested divorce could cost you anywhere from $500 to $5000. A highly contested divorce such as mine could cost both sides a total of $250,000 or even more. Again, mine cost more than that and we weren't even fighting for custody. I had no choice, my exwife hired a "pitbull" team of attorneys that egged her on and refused to entertain any settlement offers until they had filled their pockets with a good chunk of our assets. In the end my ex got almost exactly what I offered her before the litigation started.

New laws in my state make it fairly routine for the "less monied spouse" to get support and their attorneys fees paid for, there's actually a formula for the courts to follow, so if your spouse makes so much more than you, your attorney might speak to her attorney and say something like "look, we both know the courts will award us somewhere around $20,000 in legal fees and $2000 a month in support, so give us $15,000 in legal fees and $1500 in support and lets get this settled".

I used 3 different attorneys during my divorce, based on recommendations. Always use an attorney that is a member of the American Matrimonial Society or something like that. They have extra training and practice specifically in the field of matrimonial law.

You're better off with an attorney that is looking to settle things, not increase the conflict and the litigation so they get rich while your remaining marital assets are rapidly depleted in legal fees that cost far more than whatever you're fighting about.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

thank you kindi, lots there to go over.


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