# Seperated/waiting to divorce



## jenb (Apr 22, 2009)

I have been seperated since October 10th 2008. It was a big shock, he sent me an email saying he was leaving me...I know our marriage was in trouble, I was not naive to that. I just didn't think he would leave esp. the way he did it. I have now been in limbo for almost 6 months and I can't take it. First he pays very little "child support". He controls everything still in my life...when he left I moved in with friends because I have an anxiety disorder and I just couldn't be in our home with our two children alone...he rented our house out because I couldn't live their alone...I know big mistake on my part..should have never left the home...it was the only security I had. I just was not thinking clearly at the time...I just knew that after 10 years of marriage and 13 years with this man I was suddenly alone and I couldn't handle it. I now live with my mother 50 min from my children's school, which I drive them everyday. I do not have court ordered child support yet..he gives me $250.00 every 2 weeks to live off of with the two kids....I cannot work until their school is out for the summer because of the driving...I have asked over and over again for the house back because my children want back into their home and I need something stable in my life...I have no bedroom here at my mothers, my kids do...but it's not the same they do not have their things...I am in constant "I don't know". I have gotten a lawyer who sent him paperwork to get the ball rolling and he won't send it back...I cannot afford a super awesome lawyer....I just don't know what to do....I am so alone in this because I have my mother chanting to go after everything...but he told me straight up that it would be cheaper for him to have the kids then have to pay child support and alimony to me...so I am scared to fight...I know I deserve it...I supported him...I stayed home with kids so he could work all those hours to move up in his work...I took care of mostly everything until the anxiety started....and now he makes it out like he had to carry me through our whole marriage..he is narasstic..and it's exhausting..I just need to vent and have people understand what I am going through...thanks


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Sorry to hear all this jenb, keep venting here and be strong for your kids! Now, that house is your home so kick the renters out and move back in. Who cares if it will be cheaper on him if he has the children? He made his bed, let him lie in it. Quit contact with him regarding your marriage, tell him to contact your lawyer. Talk to him when it concerns his kids and keep the conversatoins brief. Take the high road here and don't use the kids as pawns, no matter what he is doing to you he does deserve the right to see and talk to the children. Follow the advice of your attorney, not the advice of family. Finally be strong for the kids they need you now more than ever!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm so sorry you are going though this--especially with a narcissist. Dealing with a narcissist is hard enough in good times! Your mother is right; go after everything. It is far better to ask for more and receive less than to ask for too little and get nothing. Just remember he chose this path--tell him to enjoy the journey.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

It saddens me to read your story, mostly because it could be me. I have two kids that I take care of while my husband lives a separate life within our own house. I feel like I do more than my fair share, and he take me for granted. I feel we should be getting divorce, but he is getting everything he needs in the marriage, why would he want less? 

If you two already decided on the divorce, get it over with. Have your laywer fight for you. If you are currently having custody of the kids, then he should be paying child supprt, no ifs ands or buts. 

I also understand about anxiety. Some days I feel it is better to give in than endure the pain, but I must resolve to be strong for the kids.

Good luck and keep writing.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

He is trying to scare you with the threat about the kids; don't fall for it. On a website for divorce in my state (Wisconsin), there is a letter from a prominent divorce attorney telling men not to use the kids as pawns; that in most cases, the mom has been the primary caregiver and trying to take custody for whatever reason is (a) not in the kids' best interest and (b) likely to fail, b/c the father simply has not been as involved and the court will see that quickly. 

Get as much support as you can. Volunteer at your kids' school a few times a week to get you "outside of yourself." Talk to friends, vent here, whatever it takes. And keep bugging your lawyer for results; don't let him be lazy about any of it. Be an advocate for you and your kids; it will make you realize you can take some control and shape your life. Good luck.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

I just wanted to let you know it's really hard, depressing and scary what you're going through. You're not alone honey. Were here for you. Be strong for your kids. My soon to be ex husband and I separated on Oct 7/08. Haven't seen or spoken to him since Nov15/08. We share no children. Divorce hopefully will be final end of this year. I just look back on my life and realize as painful as this is and all the other crappy stuff that has happened to me it was a good thing because something better has come along. Just keep thinking about tomorrow. One day at a time. You can't change the past, can't predict the future only deal with the here and now. I don't know how the hell I'm still standing now but I just keep thinking this divorce is not going to beat me. I'll beat it!! Good Luck. Keep your chin up. The best revenge is living well.


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