# Feeling so stuck..... but I want OUT!



## beautifullybroken (Mar 28, 2010)

Wow! Where do I begin? First of all I feel kind of blessed to have stumbled across this site. I have read quite a few of the posts since last night (sorry for lurking) but it has made me feel at ease to post as well, so thank you for providing such a place.
Anyway, I have been married only since February 2009, but have been with my husband for 11 years this April and living together for 10 years....and we are only 27 and 28. We have two amazing daughter's together, ages 9 and 4. I have been a stay at home mom much of our years together; having a few odd jobs here and there or doing in-home daycare work; which I'm currently doing now 5x/week 9hrs/day. My husband is laid off...again, and I'll tell you more about that further down. 
So on to my marriage....It has been a horrible first year and I feel that's putting it lightly. We've had our fair share of issues, and yet somehow managed. However it seems the amount of problems has tripled. My husband lost his job within 2 weeks of us coming home from being married, and this was due to him breaking the law. Fortunately for him I guess, there wasn't enough evidence so nothing ever happened legally. He has also been hiding from me that he's been continuing to break the law, however on a much more minor scale (but doesn't matter, I am scared to lose my kids) He remained unemployed for about 4 months, maybe 5 after that. We struggled hard. During this time my husband stopped having sex with me, and all he did was play xbox and drink. One time it was for about a month, for us that's forever. Keep in mind I had also lost 60 lbs recently too. I found out the lack of sex was because he seeked comfort in pornography for stress relief, or whatever it may have been during this rough time in his life/our marriage/economy. I am definately not anti-porn or masturbation, however it is a problem when you stop engaging in intimate relations with your wife and just lie and say its because you're "tired" or "stressed" and will not communicate with me at all. This has went on and off through the last year as well. Since that lay off he has went through 2 jobs, both being legitimately laid off...the economy just sucks and I'm noticing employers want to lay people off before Benefit plans kick into action! I don't know what to do I am at my witt's end, as you can tell I am quite young, with NO life experience on my own at all, barely any work experience, two children, one whom of which is old enough to realize and sense when her parents aren't happy. There are more issues even beyond this, that which doesn't really need to be spoken of at this point. 
I don't even really know the general point in my posting, I suppose this is more of a vent for me, or maybe I'm looking for some validation, someone out there who knows how I feel; or may be able to offer some advice.  I'm a very sad woman right now and I don't know if I have the desire to work on this anymore. I cannot trust my husband on many different levels, but ofcourse I still have feelings for him. PS About a month ago now, there was another incident that left me wanting him to seek counselling and for us to also do marriage counselling using our Benefits we were about to get. That was the condition that him and I were to stay together. Now that there's no benefits, there's no counselling...and there sure isn't a husband eagerly out there looking for employment. Should we even be together??? Please someone talk to me....

Oh and lastly, when we have talked previously about seperating (which I know now he just thinks I like to talk about it and am too scared to do it) he said he'd let me stay in this house and he would just go to his parents. He has enough to pay the rent and bills etc for this place for the kids and I to stay here. He says thats because he doesn't want Welfare involved, however I think it's because he doesn't want to full 'let me go'. 
(sorry for the ramble)


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## hurtbutrealistic (Mar 28, 2010)

HI, and I am new to this site also. 

All I can say is you are very young and you should not be wasting your life (its short) on something that clearly is not making you happy! Unfortunately that is how I feel I have done-and I have been maried for almost 25 years now. You ahve children and drinking is bad-Xbox can be fun but there are those (men) who do not know how to stop-and lose sight of what is important (children, family, experiences, etc..). I have a beautiful granddaughter of 10 months that I probably won't be able to see very much if we get separted or divorced (he threatens). My husband is so caught up in his work (has security clearance that because of our credit he may lose-he says my fault.) He wants to sell our house and go our separate ways-this is what he says every other day. I know he is under stress becasue of the clearance thing, but he makes me feel like crap now. I do not want to have sex with him, because it just hurts the next day emotionally-from a new argument. Trust me you do not want to spend more years on something that just may hurt your kids! 

I thought people work through this stuff if they truly love each other but maybe some people just do not know how. So I am considering leaving-we will see what happens then. I am being realistic.


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## beautifullybroken (Mar 28, 2010)

Hi there hurtbutrealistic, 

I'm sorry you're going through rough times too. It's not fun at any age to have to decide to end a marriage, that's for sure. I do feel I have wasted a long time with him already, but me being scared of change, and never wanting a broken family for my kids has always kept me around. We have ofcourse had good times not all bad...but now the bad seems to overkill the good and thats when I think it's over. 








hurtbutrealistic said:


> HI, and I am new to this site also.
> 
> All I can say is you are very young and you should not be wasting your life (its short) on something that clearly is not making you happy! Unfortunately that is how I feel I have done-and I have been maried for almost 25 years now. You ahve children and drinking is bad-Xbox can be fun but there are those (men) who do not know how to stop-and lose sight of what is important (children, family, experiences, etc..). I have a beautiful granddaughter of 10 months that I probably won't be able to see very much if we get separted or divorced (he threatens). My husband is so caught up in his work (has security clearance that because of our credit he may lose-he says my fault.) He wants to sell our house and go our separate ways-this is what he says every other day. I know he is under stress becasue of the clearance thing, but he makes me feel like crap now. I do not want to have sex with him, because it just hurts the next day emotionally-from a new argument. Trust me you do not want to spend more years on something that just may hurt your kids!
> 
> I thought people work through this stuff if they truly love each other but maybe some people just do not know how. So I am considering leaving-we will see what happens then. I am being realistic.


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## beautifullybroken (Mar 28, 2010)

please feel free to add more posts to this


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## JSmith30 (Mar 3, 2010)

its tough and I feel i am in the same place as you in many ways.
I worry for my son, and that is what keeps me here. 

but in the end you have to do what makes you happy, everything else will fall into place.

you could treat it as a trial seperation, and that way he can continue to pay bills etc. And if you are happy and want it to become the real thing, then look for alternatives so that you can cut ties. Although he will always be there as you have kids.


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## beautifullybroken (Mar 28, 2010)

Yes you are right. That's what I was thinking, but I don't want people...people as in "family" mostly inlaws to think Im just wanting a trial seperation to go buck wild with strange men. That is NOT the case at all. Especially because well first, I'm married and secondly I respect myself, thirdly I'm a role model to two beautiful young daughters that have to learn how to be a 'lady'. That is another thing, I want my daughter's to learn how a healthy and happy marriage works, not a troubled one. 

The point of a trial seperation for me, is pretty much to see if I miss him to be honest. I want to know that I still need him in my life or not. I have so much I want to do and I do honestly feel he holds me back in some sense....and I think that's because he fears that if/when I become too dependant that I will for sure leave. At this point he thinks I'm just talkin poop! 

To the previous poster feel free to message me if you want to tell me about your situation...or direct me to your post! =D


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