# unsure of what to do



## doc262 (Nov 17, 2009)

i have been married for 4 years. our marriage has had its up and downs. she brought into the marriage an 8 yr old son; who is now 13 and a 5 yr old daughter who is now 10. we have a 3 yr old daughter together. after living with her and the two children for 2 months i noticed that she has spoiled the kids. they do not respect any authority. I have tried over the past 4 years to get this problem handled. last weekend, she took the three kids up to her fathers house and told him she was thinking about a divorce because she felt i did not love her. over the last nine months she has been going out 2 to 3 days a week and leaving the kids with me due to my work schedule not allowing me to go out with her. she has also been talking regualrly with other men on her cell phone to wee hours in the morning. after she got back from her father's house she told me she was thinking about a divorce because of what her kids told their grandfather about me being to mean to them and they were too scared to come ask me for anything because i had to try to stop being run over by children. the word has gotten to my wifes older brother and he also suggested to her that she get a divorce. she says we will take things day by day and is now sleeping on couch in living room. I love my wife with all my heart. I am willing to try to get along better with the step kids. as far as her talking on the phone to other guys she says that they are just friends and i should read anything else into it. her phone record for last month showed her on the phone last month for 6153 minutes and over 4000 text messages sent and recieved. we met over the internet and she had an affair on her ex with me before divorce papers were ever filed. i am afraid she is doing the same thing again but to me now. should i go ahead a file divoce papers or just wait this out longer.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Before is you do anything, you need to do some serious writing!! (That is usually my first answer to everyone!) Write a list of what she brings to the marriage, write out the pros and cons of getting a divorce/staying together, and try to think (honestly) if you can truly picture you both staying married and you forgetting about everything that she has just done. Her talking to other men? Yea ok maybe they are just friends but the whole minutes thing and over 4000 texts? I think a little something else may be going on. And as far as her children? You are now their stepfather and yes that means that you have a right to teach them right from wrong, say no to them, and discipline them. You all are a family, and if she can't see that, the children will just play off of what she says/does and off what their grandad does./says etc.


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## doc262 (Nov 17, 2009)

thank you for the advice. my heart does not want to let go but my mind is telling me to let her go because she is not going to accept any responsiblity for the marriage falling apart after only four years.


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