# Wife Hates Her Job



## bones (Oct 20, 2008)

I'm currently at the middle/end of my junior year at a University. I got out of the military a year ago after working a horrible position that had me sitting around doing nothing for a year. I've got skills that would allow me to get a contracting job fairly easily (I think), but with the possibility of deployment to Iraq or work on rotating shifts (days/nights). More importantly, since it's a contracting position, I wouldn't have any real job security.

The skillset I'd be using for such a job is so specific that if I was let go from a contracting position, I'd have no backup skills to get anything other than an entry-level job in the civilian workforce. I've been working at a degree to provide an alternative and I'm currently in the middle or end of my junior year. My wife took a job and insisted that I focus on school so we'd have the security a degree would offer. One of us has to work no matter what our general financial system is because I have a chronic disease that costs $500/month or so to treat. Without treatment I end up in the hospital.

As if that's not a heavy enough burden for her to bear, she absolutely hates her job. From the time she comes in the door until she goes to bed, and even on weekends, she complains about calls she received or stupid things someone in management did (she's a customer support rep). After a while I realized I was beginning to pull away because of the complaining. We used to be so happy just to see each other when one of us came home from work, but now she starts complaining and I just want to stick my nose in a book or video game.

I felt like all of this was my burden to bear since she is the one working. But I eventually realized it was killing our relationship and tried to talk to her about it. Instead she got angry. She was angry for a few days, but got over it and things are right back to where they were.

Probably worse than the effects that the job is having on our marriage, I think she's become utterly depressed. She spends most of her time in her pajamas on the couch watching TV. She complains that we don't take trips like we used to (because of the lack of money) and that she hates this city. She's only got one or two friends here. All but one are friends from work that she doesn't see outside of work (though she talks to them on the phone or texts them).

The main effect this is having on me (other than a lack of interest) is that it keeps getting harder and harder for me to focus on my classwork. I spend time I should be using to study browsing job listings to try to decide whether I should get a job. I'm very much torn because I'm so close to finishing school.

I'm 31 right now. If I take the contracting job I might not have the job for more than a year or two (I expect that if Obama is elected there might not be as many contracting jobs). So I feel like if I take a position, I might be postponing what is happening right now for another year or two, then we'll be right back where we are now. If I take the position, I'll also lose residency in my current state - where school is ridiculously cheap for state residents.

My wife is younger than I am and if I take the job contracting we'll be switching positions. She'll be working at school full time while I'm working. The catch there is that she's not as far along as I am and will unlikely be able to finish school while I'm contracting.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what to do. I've got a resume almost ready (it needs a few updates) and I'm in the middle of a term at the university. Any suggestions are welcome.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

First of all, do not withdraw from your wife. She is not griping about her job to make you unhappy. Don’t try and fix it either because you can’t. Patiently listen to her and be supportive, she needs to vent. If she solicits your advice then offer your best opinion, otherwise just let her get it out. Once she has done that maybe she can let it go for the evening and the two of you can spend some couple time together. If you stick your nose in a video game she will perceive that as uncaring and unsupportive exacerbating her bad mood. Good customer support reps are in demand, has she looked at finding a new position?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Just be there to listen to your wife. She is working her but off for you and you should show her the appeaciation that she deserves for making that SACROFICE for you. Get the degree, but never forget her. You should be doing most if not all the house work and making her life as easy as you can.

draconis


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## MEM (Sep 15, 2008)

I have been the miserable wife in a job that I hated, but needed to help support the family.

It was easy for me to be negative, it was a lousy job with lots of stress, but being negative didn't do me a damn bit of good, and being negative didn't do my guy any good.

Do allow your wife to vent, that is healthy to a point. Also encourage her to be accountable for her miserable attitude.
Encourage her to find a solution, talk to the management, look for another job, etc. Encourage her to move forward instead of just venting and staying miserable. Staying negative can become a habit, believe me, I have been there!!!!

For yourself, stay in school. I am from Canada, we have not hit the financial crisis, yet, that the states have, but keeping all options open in uncertain economy is important. I think relying on the war to keep you employed is not keeping all options open. Get your degree, you will have a better chance to be flexible in an uncertain job market. 

Last but not least, have fun. Try to plan a few hours on the weekend so that you and your wife can enjoy each others company. It does not have to cost money, even a walk in the park can be great way to spend quality time with one another.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

bones, your chronic disease, did you get hat before or while you were int he military and did that effect your service for our country?

If you received this disease while in the Militarya nd it effected your military service you may be entitled to Disability for life.

you amy want to check into that. I ahve a family member that has been getting disability since the korean war where he served and got a life long disease.


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## bones (Oct 20, 2008)

Thanks for the responses. Now I think a little of what I needed was to vent my frustration. I feel guilty about mentioning it to anyone so I haven't talked about it until now.

She's been looking for a job for a while now and some of her former coworkers are working at other jobs, but they keep telling her it's worse where they are now. Part of the reason my frustration came to a head was because she had been trying to get a job that she really wanted with a few different companies. They were dragging it out and passing her around (try this company, try that company) and finally said they couldn't take her with her current qualifications (at the end of last week). I was juggling the idea of going to the contracting job, but that really pushed me and I almost sent my resume that day.

We're still on the lookout for other jobs though. Hopefully something will come along.

draconis - trust me, I'm not going to forget what she's doing now. I'm not at all that type of person. I might get annoyed or frustrated sometimes but it doesn't change the way I feel and it doesn't change the past.

mem - I try to find stuff we can do. We still go to the movies occasionally. We just started (yesterday) running at the beach together. We haven't been exercising for about a year (we stopped when i got hospitalized) and I know that exercise helps with mood/depression. So hopefully that'll work out in more ways than one.

Thanks much for your advice from personal experience.

soccerman - I definitely had it while I was in the military, but it was not intrusive enough for me to have done anything about it. My mother was always a bit of a hypochondriac so I struggle not to fall into the same trap and sometimes err in the other direction. The military has one symptom documented, but it was within months before I got out and I never went back to have it checked on again (a huge mistake on my part). Plus my doctor tells me it's very hard to diagnose. You have to get a biopsy at exactly the right time or it doesn't show up in tests. Some people that have it never test positive for it. Long story short - every doctor I've seen since being hospitalized (3 or 4) has been 99% sure I have it because all of the treatments for it have worked at keeping it in remission but they don't have a clear positive so the military won't do anything about it.


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## MEM (Sep 15, 2008)

Be patient Mr. Bones, I am sure, if you working towards it, that there are jobs out there the will suit both you and your wife.
I am glad you started exercising again, it is a healthy way to spend time together.
My hubby and I escape to the golf course when times get too stressful, it really does help.
Good Luck.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Hey after you land your dream job maybe she can go to college? The door has many possibilities.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

sorry to hear that bones, that is the military I know...when you need them, they find an excuse to Screw you over.

I wish you luck man i can't be easy


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

bones said:


> I definitely had it while I was in the military, but it was not intrusive enough for me to have done anything about it. My mother was always a bit of a hypochondriac so I struggle not to fall into the same trap and sometimes err in the other direction. The military has one symptom documented, but it was within months before I got out and I never went back to have it checked on again (a huge mistake on my part). Plus my doctor tells me it's very hard to diagnose. You have to get a biopsy at exactly the right time or it doesn't show up in tests. Some people that have it never test positive for it. Long story short - every doctor I've seen since being hospitalized (3 or 4) has been 99% sure I have it because all of the treatments for it have worked at keeping it in remission but they don't have a clear positive so the military won't do anything about it.


My dad went through the same thing until he got both of our reps from the senate in our state to look at it. Finally they gave him some help (but not what he deserved.)

Talk to the reps from your area maybe one can help, specially if they have elections coming up.

draconis


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