# Just hurting



## Farmgirljana (Feb 28, 2021)

Married for 22 years, three wonderful children and then the last 2 years he changed. I tried setting up dates for us each month (worked for awhile in 2018), then I started having suspicions that he was cheating. He denied. Spring 2019 I had people start asking about us, reporting what they knew and so I kept my eyes open. I felt like an idiot as I was last to know. He denied, June 2019 I caught them at a party together (nothing physical), he denied but later admitted to whatever they were doing (talking, Snapchat, parties) could be considered cheating. I tried to get him to celebrate NYE woth me, spoke to his 2 best friends, asked for counseling. He stopped touching me, checking in on me, not caring. July 2020 she texted him while he was asleep and I got in his phone and texted her back as if I was him. She asked about a divorce and said she loved him. I told him we had to tell the boys as I couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t fuss, didn’t apologize, ask for me to stay. We divorced in sept 2020, still live under same roof as my Small house is being built. I still cook, clean and just accept all he does. I am an idiot, people find it crazy. I realized a month ago I was married to somewhat of a narcissist, however he was never controlling.
Now I started dating an amazing guy who too is recently divorced. He is fantastic, we have a great time together, just told my kids about him and thought we were in the right direction. He now is wanting us to take a break as he doesn’t think me being in the same house as my ex is good, I’m too nice to my ex and thst I haven’t shared our relationship publicly. I understand his feelings but now I’m crushed. He IS a guy I always dreamed of and he said I too was what he hoped to have always had. We are perfect for the other. I am typing through tears as I’m feeling my heart crushed again. Maybe I’m the common denominator. I just don’t want to lose him as he treats me like all women would want and should be treated and I was doing a good job of thst for him too. I’m just sad.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

If the new guy and you are both recently divorced there are lots of raw emotions that are going to be flying around and its probably going to feel very intense for everyone a lot faster than it has any right to be. Dating before you've even moved out of the house with your ex husband seems crazy to me and it isn't at all surprising that someone you are dating would have a problem with that.

By taking a break does that mean that the new guy wouldn't be interested in dating again once you're out of your ex's house?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Relationships while dating don't always go steady to 100. You are working and negotiating, learning how to love each other. 

Now honestly him not being willing to move forward while you are in the house with your ex is actually a good thing in my mind. It means he is thoughtful and serious about his choices. How much longer do you expect to be living in these conditions? 

I think it reasonable to expect someone you are dating to not be so connected to their ex. This guy understands this, he understands there potentially could be an emotional danger to him. Now in your mind there is no chance but still, he is not being unreasonable. 

Maybe your mistake was to start dating while you were still living with your ex. Hopefully that change will be soon and you can move on.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Someone coming off of a divorce, no way a normal post-divorce person wouldn't have some serious questions about remaining connections another recently-divorced person has to their ex when still living in the same household. That's just nuts. I think most people, even in a messy divorce, are still going to retain some good memories which, for a while, are going to be a source of torture, not solace. So you still living with your ex? I just can't see anyone you'd date not being bothered by that, unless they weren't looking for a LTR.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Farmgirljana said:


> Married for 22 years, three wonderful children and then the last 2 years he changed. I tried setting up dates for us each month (worked for awhile in 2018), then I started having suspicions that he was cheating. He denied. Spring 2019 I had people start asking about us, reporting what they knew and so I kept my eyes open. I felt like an idiot as I was last to know. He denied, June 2019 I caught them at a party together (nothing physical), he denied but later admitted to whatever they were doing (talking, Snapchat, parties) could be considered cheating. I tried to get him to celebrate NYE woth me, spoke to his 2 best friends, asked for counseling. He stopped touching me, checking in on me, not caring. July 2020 she texted him while he was asleep and I got in his phone and texted her back as if I was him. She asked about a divorce and said she loved him. I told him we had to tell the boys as I couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t fuss, didn’t apologize, ask for me to stay. We divorced in sept 2020, still live under same roof as my Small house is being built. I still cook, clean and just accept all he does. I am an idiot, people find it crazy. I realized a month ago I was married to somewhat of a narcissist, however he was never controlling.
> Now I started dating an amazing guy who too is recently divorced. He is fantastic, we have a great time together, just told my kids about him and thought we were in the right direction. He now is wanting us to take a break as he doesn’t think me being in the same house as my ex is good, I’m too nice to my ex and thst I haven’t shared our relationship publicly. I understand his feelings but now I’m crushed. He IS a guy I always dreamed of and he said I too was what he hoped to have always had. We are perfect for the other. I am typing through tears as I’m feeling my heart crushed again. Maybe I’m the common denominator. I just don’t want to lose him as he treats me like all women would want and should be treated and I was doing a good job of thst for him too. I’m just sad.


Has the BF said that once you are living apart from your ex he will date you again?


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