# Divorce or separation



## PYJ (Jun 21, 2021)

I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two kids, 7 and 5. Im considering leaving my husband because im just not happy anymore. I have realized im most happy when he is gone and im alone, free to do my own thing, no pressures from him, no fighting. Im worried how my kids will take this and how i will survive as a single mom, my income is quite small, he is the breadwinner.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

PYJ said:


> I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two kids, 7 and 5. Im considering leaving my husband because im just not happy anymore. I have realized im most happy when he is gone and im alone, free to do my own thing, no pressures from him, no fighting. Im worried how my kids will take this and how i will survive as a single mom, my income is quite small, he is the breadwinner.


I see in your old thread you said you still had feelings for your Ex. Have you been talking to him? Is that what is driving this desire to leave? Have you been involved in an affair, emotion or physical?

ETA
Just read through the rest of that thread. It looks like you have already crossed the line at least into an emotional affair. Has it gone physical? I hope you realize that what you see in your head as to how things would be with your ex is all fantasy. I'm not saying you don't have marital issues that warrant a divorce, but if you are doing it because of the fictitious fairytale story of getting back with your ex you are probably in for disappointment. Have you considered putting more effort into your marriage instead of your ex?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Do you plan to work more and earn enough to support your family?


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## PYJ (Jun 21, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I see in your old thread you said you still had feelings for your Ex. Have you been talking to him? Is that what is driving this desire to leave? Have you been involved in an affair, emotion or physical?
> 
> ETA
> Just read through the rest of that thread. It looks like you have already crossed the line at least into an emotional affair. Has it gone physical? I hope you realize that what you see in your head as to how things would be with your ex is all fantasy. I'm not saying you don't have marital issues that warrant a divorce, but if you are doing it because of the fictitious fairytale story of getting back with your ex you are probably in for disappointment. Have you considered putting more effort into your marriage instead of your ex?



No, hes not in the picture anymore. This is just all me. I would say my marriage has always had problems, and most of them come from me, wanting to do my own thing, and my husbands job puts a lot of stress on us, i have tried to leave before but never really had anywhere to go. Now i have found a place, and i think im just scared that this really might be happening. Scared about all the changes this will bring.


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## PYJ (Jun 21, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> Do you plan to work more and earn enough to support your family?


not sure, i already work 5 days a week, 8 to 5. Not sure if i would see my kids much, if i worked weekends, as well


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

PYJ said:


> No, hes not in the picture anymore. This is just all me. I would say my marriage has always had problems, and most of them come from me, wanting to do my own thing, and my husbands job puts a lot of stress on us, i have tried to leave before but never really had anywhere to go. Now i have found a place, and i think im just scared that this really might be happening. Scared about all the changes this will bring.


There will be massive changes and the children will be greatly affected. That's what divorce does. 
Can you get some good marriage counseling together?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

PYJ said:


> I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two kids, 7 and 5. Im considering leaving my husband because im just not happy anymore. I have realized im most happy when he is gone and im alone, free to do my own thing, no pressures from him, no fighting. Im worried how my kids will take this and how i will survive as a single mom, my income is quite small, he is the breadwinner.


Why are you two fighting? What do you fight about? Why did you marry him if you don't care about him or like being around him?


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## JWakk (Sep 14, 2020)

PYJ said:


> I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two kids, 7 and 5. Im considering leaving my husband because im just not happy anymore. I have realized im most happy when he is gone and im alone, free to do my own thing, no pressures from him, no fighting. Im worried how my kids will take this and how i will survive as a single mom, my income is quite small, he is the breadwinner.


Have you tried talking to him about how you feel, Men don't have a crystal ball and can't see what is happening and if they are the breadwinner they are usually tied up in support for the family mode.
Marriage is about two people working together most times they have to agree to disagree on a lot of things as that is compromise.
Once the Honeymoon period is over usually within 2 years or less then real life kicks in and it can be a hard slog from there on.
Most people these days marry with know clue what married life is going to be about and when the wake up call comes they crumble as they can't handle it.
Sit down with your spouse and talk to him calmly as this is you feeling life's pressures it sometime makes you think you have fallen out of love but in reality it's just real life because love changes it becomes more caring and respectful it usually brings 2 people closer together if they married for the right reasons to start with and sex even though still important becomes less so.
Understand this though leaving your husband for another relationship later on won't change the above facts I have stated because it always comes back to the same life circle and you end up back in the same place.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

PYJ said:


> not sure, i already work 5 days a week, 8 to 5. Not sure if i would see my kids much, if i worked weekends, as well


If finances are that much of a concern check into work from home opportunities. A friend of mine does customer service for a national pharmacy chain, part time, in the evenings from her home office. I know people online who do translation, proof reading/editing and other related jobs from home, too. Might be worth looking into.


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## JWakk (Sep 14, 2020)

MJJEAN said:


> If finances are that much of a concern check into work from home opportunities. A friend of mine does customer service for a national pharmacy chain, part time, in the evenings from her home office. I know people online who do translation, proof reading/editing and other related jobs from home, too. Might be worth looking into.


I have done this as well but most for this country are scams they want money for and I don't have money to give them.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

I think your best bet is to work things out with your husband.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

PYJ said:


> I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two kids, 7 and 5. Im considering leaving my husband because im just not happy anymore. I have realized im most happy when he is gone and im alone, free to do my own thing, no pressures from him, no fighting. Im worried how my kids will take this and how i will survive as a single mom, my income is quite small, he is the breadwinner.


The big expense, the attorney you MUST get of your own, will eventually come out of whatever assets, such as house, you divide. 

Best to get it all finalized asap, so unless your state requires separation, go straight for divorce. Next, you must get used to the idea of requiring your spouse to have 50/50 custody of the kids, which is the norm in the US now but not always elsewhere. Many mothers want to take their kids and run, but you must make the right decision here to have the best chance of survival financially. 50/50 gives him the kids 3 1/2 days a week and same for you, and that means 2 1/2 weekdays apiece and one day of the weekend apiece and so one of you has Sunday through Wednesday and one has Th-Sunday. 

What this does for you is gives you equal chance to earn wages working. If you cleave to the idea of always having the kids or having them all the weekdays, you won't likely be able to maintain good employment for all the times you have to take off to do something for them. You must share that responsibility with your spouse to make it work. That gives you the same amount of time to work or relax or shop or date as him and only a couple of days when the school might interrupt you and make you come to the principal's office. On your days, you're totally responsible for them; on his, he is. There's no asking for favors and increased communication involved. It's court-mandated or legally agreed upon. It solves a lot of issues. 

Otherwise you'll be left high and dry if instead you opt for child support as soon as the kids are 18. You need to work as much as possible just like he does. 

The other big advantages are it gives the kids plenty of time with both of you so there is no parental loss there. In fact, he may even see them more this way and he will have to do everything for them and that will be good all around as far as role-modeling goes. 

Kids, like adults, are resistant to change, so expect them to squawk, but realize they don't have the brains to make this decision. This is adult business and if they see you accepting it calmly, they will be more likely too. Don't share adult business about your relationship with them. They're not going to understand all that and it causes tension with the other spouse.

Good luck.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

JWakk said:


> I have done this as well but most for this country are scams they want money for and I don't have money to give them.


What country are you in?


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## JWakk (Sep 14, 2020)

Beach123 said:


> What country are you in?


UK and it is bobbins in this country for these kind of jobs via computer.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The big expense, the attorney you MUST get of your own, will eventually come out of whatever assets, such as house, you divide.
> 
> Best to get it all finalized asap, so unless your state requires separation, go straight for divorce. Next, you must get used to the idea of requiring your spouse to have 50/50 custody of the kids, which is the norm in the US now but not always elsewhere. Many mothers want to take their kids and run, but you must make the right decision here to have the best chance of survival financially. 50/50 gives him the kids 3 1/2 days a week and same for you, and that means 2 1/2 weekdays apiece and one day of the weekend apiece and so one of you has Sunday through Wednesday and one has Th-Sunday.
> 
> ...


This is extremely incorrect. 

OP, parents can come up with all sorts of custody schedules. Most common are alternating weeks, or the 5 2 2 5 schedule.

Parents often work together on ongoing scheduling matters and changes due to special work or other events.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> This is extremely incorrect.
> 
> OP, parents can come up with all sorts of custody schedules. Most common are alternating weeks, or the 5 2 2 5 schedule.
> 
> Parents often work together on ongoing scheduling matters and changes due to special work or other events.


I've seen hundreds of custody transcripts. I bet you've only seen one or two of your own.


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