# No physical touch, no kissing? What to do..



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Need advice.... since wife never touches me below the belt, doesn't want to kiss other than a peck here and there (never tongue, does not like giving or receiving oral. Says she has never masturbated in her life.
I must always initiate doing anything sexual or it won't happen!
Frustrated..
What to think of this?? Any advice is greatly appreciated.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Could be lots of things....could be low drive, could be that her parents raised her to think sex was dirty/bad. It could be that she was sexually abused or raped at some point and hasn't shared that with you. Or it could be, harsh as this is, that she's not attracted to you. 

This is something you need to talk to her about. She's the only one who can tell you why she is this way. And if she won't tell you, or if she honestly doesn't know (which I suppose is possible), then you'll have to decide if you can live with it.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

I came here with a very similar problem. We have sex maybe once a month if lucky, to be sexual outside the bedroom is not interesting to her. Heck, inside the bedroom too. Kisses are pecks etc. I feel like her brother. It was not like this before marriage. She is a beautiful, attractive woman. It is like having a Ferrari in the garage and not being able to drive it, or even sit in it. If I get to drive it, its down my street and back in the night time when its pitch dark, not going over 20mph. I would do almost anything to make her feel good and I desire to, but she has no interest. Even if she agreed to try and change, I know deep down she doesn't really want to.

As for the previous poster's suggestion about talking, been there, tried that. It ends up in awkward silence for a couple of days, either she feels like a bad wife or is just pissed at me. Talking is bull****. It doesn't get the message across. I need to send the message some other way. That was my question to the forum. Perhaps I not perform oral on her anymore. If she asks why I stopped, well, I don't think you like that and you never do it to me anymore. Or say things that are inconspicuous but sends a message.

I feel more lonely now than I did when I was single. She told me the other day she thinks we have a good marriage. That is what I am facing.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Their personalities are like this. I don't think any advice can help. My ex was like this. I call it three steps, stand up, go in, shoot.I became so withered that we had to talk to the priest. No use. He didn't change. When I wanted to leave, he was like: "What's wrong with you? You have clothes to wear. You have food to eat. I give you my salary!" I didn't even want to argue. I only wanted to leave. No love, marriage without romantic love, how can it survive?
I can work myself. I can buy clothes myself and feed myself. If I am only in this world for some clothes, food and a shelter. Why do I need a man? 

I left. I fell in love with another man. And now he has everything I want and need. We all make mistakes in our lives, make sure that we don't make the same mistake twice. 

I am not trying to encourage you guys to leave your wives. But sounds like you do have serious problems. The interesting part is that they don't want to give you guys anything to eat. They don't want you to go else where to satisfy your needs, either. Life........................


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How about talking to a professional. If she won't go, go alone and let her know you are going. make it known that this issue is important to a happy, stable marriage and you want to find how to make the whole marriage work.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi

sharing

It sounds to me like there is trauma from her past. 

Sometimes a woman if not has to work through her emotional issues with a man body from whatever background she experience. 

Have you thought about writing to her and being specific? 
ASk her why she struggles with not letting it happen? 

Thoughts? 

Judith


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## olddeer (Nov 1, 2010)

Discouraged1, she might have some problems from the past. But she might have some fear, perhaps some fear of even reaching orgasm??? Does she reach orgasm with you with normal sex? And are you sure? You guys honestly have to communicate. I agree that you have to communicate, and trust me, I didn't have any communication here sexually. So write it and tell her to read it on her own and not to get mad, not to get upset, and that please don't tell her that it is all for you. Just say the right thing....
I was very timid sexually when I first started, like her and for the longest time, now and wow I'm willing to try, NOT ANYTHING, but quite a bit. Guess what I'm with a husband who doesn't, but also we are in a DEAD MARRIAGE, we haven't even had sex for 2 years, well twice, so masterbation, has had to come my operation...but anyways were here for you.
What got me out of my shell was a guy who just slowly started on me and even when he could tell I was a nervous reck and slightly pushing me a way, he told me to relax, I'll enjoy this. And then eventually I did. Intime, like I said, I want to start try more and more different things. I have a book that I read (about having sex back then) as well. So bring a book into your letter but not on extreme wild sex.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Hurra said:


> I came here with a very similar problem. We have sex maybe once a month if lucky, to be sexual outside the bedroom is not interesting to her. Heck, inside the bedroom too. Kisses are pecks etc. I feel like her brother. It was not like this before marriage. She is a beautiful, attractive woman. It is like having a Ferrari in the garage and not being able to drive it, or even sit in it. If I get to drive it, its down my street and back in the night time when its pitch dark, not going over 20mph. I would do almost anything to make her feel good and I desire to, but she has no interest. Even if she agreed to try and change, I know deep down she doesn't really want to.
> 
> As for the previous poster's suggestion about talking, been there, tried that. It ends up in awkward silence for a couple of days, either she feels like a bad wife or is just pissed at me. Talking is bull****. It doesn't get the message across. I need to send the message some other way. That was my question to the forum. Perhaps I not perform oral on her anymore. If she asks why I stopped, well, I don't think you like that and you never do it to me anymore. Or say things that are inconspicuous but sends a message.
> 
> I feel more lonely now than I did when I was single. She told me the other day she thinks we have a good marriage. That is what I am facing.



Sounds like a "good marriage" for her doesn't involve sex. Big problem here...you guys are on two different planets. 

But, if she won't talk or deal with it, what are you going to do? Live with it, eventually have an affair, leave and find someone that's more your match, what? Have you thought it out yet?

I have issues ref sex in my marriage too, but they are a bit more involved and are meshed with ED issues, medical issues, etc., so our situations are similar, yet the reasons are different.

Good luck!


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Discouraged1 and Hurra - we're in the same boat! Have a read of my 'Sexless Marriage' thread.
Looks like we all feel the same about our wives....except that mine is a Lamborghini Gallardo! Still stays in the garage only comes out 3-4 times a year and is about as exciting to drive as a lawn tractor!
You love your Ferrari...but why not go out occasionally and hire a Maserati Bora...drive it like crazy, have some real fun! But still love and keep your Ferrari...! If your Ferrari ever finds out tell her she's beautiful etc but you also need to experience and feel the beauty and speed in broad daylight and 2-3 times a week!
Good luck and safe driving....forget the speed limits... just GLF (go like F***)


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Jezza, I'd be concerned your Gallardo would turn into a Cat front-end loader and crush you and your Maserati. lol


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