# Dealing with my girlfriends depression



## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

I have another post on her about my situation. .my GF just got back on her depression meds..I'm trying to find out more about it and see if I can understand more what she's going through and if in the long run this is something I can deal with...she started taking Wellbutrin again for her depression. .how long does it take for it to take effect. .I've heard it takes about a month. ..When she was on it before she was happy..Since she got off she has all symptoms of a depressed person. .moody, distant, sleeps alot, loss of sex drive,less affectionate..she is on I think second week of taking..and I've noticed really no difference in her yet..thanks for your input
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

You have my sympathy. I suffered serious depression when younger. It can take a long time to come out if it properly. I took years. 

I still have mild depressive tendencies but they are as nothing compared to 40 years ago.

If you really think this is the right woman for you, and you have the emotional strength to cope, then I think you need to come to terms with the prospect that there will probably be no quick fix. If you can commit to giving her many years of love, that will probably be the most likely answer to her problems.

As for how quickly the meds may work, I do not know, not having taken any for a very long time now. I hope another commenter can shed light on that.

Good luck


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

How long it takes has no magic answer as each person body reacts to meds differently. This is best when monitored by a doctor so either dosage can be regulated or changing to a different med if its not effective.

If she has taken it before one issue that does seem to come up is the meds are less effective the longer someone takes them and she may need to try a different one. They also need to take it everyday or exactly the way the doctor ordered. Many times they don’t which can lead to all sorts of new mood swings or problems.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

honcho said:


> How long it takes has no magic answer as each person body reacts to meds differently. This is best when monitored by a doctor so either dosage can be regulated or changing to a different med if its not effective.
> 
> If she has taken it before one issue that does seem to come up is the meds are less effective the longer someone takes them and she may need to try a different one. They also need to take it everyday or exactly the way the doctor ordered. Many times they don’t which can lead to all sorts of new mood swings or problems.


ok,ill just wait an seen then. she mentioned to me that it takes like a month for it to work.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

englem007 said:


> I have another post on her about my situation. .my GF just got back on her depression meds..I'm trying to find out more about it and see if I can understand more what she's going through and if in the long run this is something I can deal with...she started taking Wellbutrin again for her depression. .how long does it take for it to take effect. .I've heard it takes about a month. ..When she was on it before she was happy..Since she got off she has all symptoms of a depressed person. .moody, distant, sleeps alot, loss of sex drive,less affectionate..she is on I think second week of taking..and I've noticed really no difference in her yet..thanks for your input
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok I think I can help as I had a case of combined depression with anxiety and panic attacks due to a tragedy that happened in my family. 
My experience:
- Good medds start working in maximum 2 weeks - if it takes longer they should be changed - best antidepressants ever serotonin inhibitors or SSRI - you have to understand that all the psychiatrists in the world are still guessing - she needs to find one that trusts completely and well I've got best results with Zoloft. 
- Medds are not a solution for the problem - are just like a painkiller they stop the effect not the cause - she should start psychotherapy - cognitive behavioral therapy and ericksonian therapy are some of the best and work very well combined;
- Some food groups should be avoided - sugar, alcohol, spices, coke, coffee etc. 
- Sport - extremely important - it builds endorphins - hormones that reduce stress and are like a shot of happiness. 
- She will have many moments when she does not want to do anything - she needs instruments to cope - depression is combated with actions - one thing at a time - for example if she needs to go to work she starts with small things like first think of getting out of bed, then shower, then eat, take the meds, dressed ...I mean break things in small steps. 
- She needs to work with herself and actually all the love in the world can't help her - she needs an impartial person and this is a professional who will give her tools to cope. 
- Forums with people with the same affliction do not help - it may serve to get her more depressed. 

It will pass - is treatable - keep in mind is an unbalance of the body that for some reason stopped producing sufficient serotonin which is the happiness hormone. 
Hope it helps.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

edgya1234 said:


> Ok I think I can help as I had a case of combined depression with anxiety and panic attacks due to a tragedy that happened in my family.
> My experience:
> - Good medds start working in maximum 2 weeks - if it takes longer they should be changed - best antidepressants ever serotonin inhibitors or SSRI - you have to understand that all the psychiatrists in the world are still guessing - she needs to find one that trusts completely and well I've got best results with Zoloft.
> - Medds are not a solution for the problem - are just like a painkiller they stop the effect not the cause - she should start psychotherapy - cognitive behavioral therapy and ericksonian therapy are some of the best and work very well combined;
> ...


thank you


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## dream_weaver (Jun 5, 2012)

I am another sufferer and she sounds like me and is proactive about her mental health, I know I'll probably be on meds for a long time-I recently came off and have just been back on them for around 6wks. If she is proactive then that is a great thing as she knows there is an issue and she's dealing with it. I would be more concerned if she didn't. When I am on my meds I am great but I still suffer normal emotions-the meds are right for me and don't numb or suppress my normal emotions just balances the imbalance.

I also think getting some sort of help does help deal with the issues that have contributed to her depression but sometimes the meds are needed regardless just like for any illness. So you've seen her on and off the needs so can you deal with both that is the Q….. I don't ever let it get to the point it affects anyone else around me before I go back on them if I have tried coming off.

I think it all sounds positive as she is very proactive, I was married previously for 20years and now coming up to 3years with my new partner, very high functioning in relationships and work/social life.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

There's a great book called 'When Someone You Love is Depressed', by Laura Epstein Rosen.

I highly recommend you read it.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

englem007 said:


> thank you


You are very very welcome. I know what it is and if you hang in there I can assure you she will get through it. 
She needs psychotherapy, very healthy food (no sugar, no coke, no coffee, no greasy foods) and a lot of sports. 
However psychotherapy comes first. Than the best way to combat depression is through action. 
Please don't try to help her yourself - it won't work. She needs to go talk to a totally neutral person. 
She also needs to avoid negative persons.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Break up with her and walk away. 

Dont waste your life on a mentally ill person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Do you know why she stopped the Wellbutrin in the first place?


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

PieceOfSky said:


> Do you know why she stopped the Wellbutrin in the first place?


I honestly think its cuz she is really happy with me and thought ok, i get can get off the meds, but it backfired


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

edgya1234 said:


> You are very very welcome. I know what it is and if you hang in there I can assure you she will get through it.
> She needs psychotherapy, very healthy food (no sugar, no coke, no coffee, no greasy foods) and a lot of sports.
> However psychotherapy comes first. Than the best way to combat depression is through action.
> Please don't try to help her yourself - it won't work. She needs to go talk to a totally neutral person.
> She also needs to avoid negative persons.


 i hung out with her this weekend, was really good for most part, but at the moment has totally lost her sex drive, and that kinda came up this weekend...She started crying when we went to bed, and honestly is really messed up from the meds i think she is taking.. She is taking her old med again(wellbutrin) and some other one.. Guess one is an upper and one is a downer..dont know how that supposed to work..Anyways at one point in our conversation she said i think i might be better to be alone!!!. I felt really sad, but said well i want you to be happy and if it means not having me in your life, than i guess thats what has to happen... I offered to leave her house and go home and give her the space she needs.. She didnt say no, but then said she wasnt sure what to think and maybe she shouldnt be alone.. At the moment she doesnt know what to think about anything at all.. She kept saying she wishes i could know how she feels inside!!i know she loves me, but i think i need to give her more space,(which i only see her like every 6-7 days) not seeing her that much as it is.. The next morning after we talked i was kinda bummed but accepted it, and she gave me a huge hug and started crying and said she is sorry she is messed up. I basically told her that im not going anywhere(unless she says diff) and will support her and do whatever i can to be supportive..Also she is 37 yrs old, and now thinks she is suffering from pre-menopause..as she looked online she thinks she had many of the symptoms..biggest thing is having alot of hot flashes...so she made appt with her dr next week... I know almost 99% of the people on this site say to drop her like a bad habit, but i really love her and am gonna wait a while and see how she does.. She was not always like this, and know she will get better.. aFter all the drama that night, we had a fun weekend together..


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Break up with her and walk away.
> 
> Dont waste your life on a mentally ill person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You do not even know her, so how can you possibly say she is not a good catch?

Strange opinion.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I really think you (or her) should discuss the sideeffects of the medications with a psych. We are not qualified to give advice on that.

What I know is that in case of some antidepressants close monitoring is required after initiation of therapy.

I do not think seeking advice from the internet is a good idea, you should rather talk to a doctor about the feelings she is experiencing.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

I'll make tea said:


> You do not even know her, so how can you possibly say she is not a good catch?
> 
> Strange opinion.


I never said she was not a good catch!! It's the opposite to me.. We've been dating 4months so far as yes it's short amount of time..I think she is fantastic despite her recent problems she is dealing with ..


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

I'll make tea said:


> I really think you (or her) should discuss the sideeffects of the medications with a psych. We are not qualified to give advice on that.
> 
> What I know is that in case of some antidepressants close monitoring is required after initiation of therapy.
> 
> I do not think seeking advice from the internet is a good idea, you should rather talk to a doctor about the feelings she is experiencing.


I agree with you..I was just looking for opinions from people on here that have taken these meds or have dealt with this..my girlfriend has no idea I'm on this site.. I guess I'm just trying to seek advice for myself on best thing to do


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Break up with her and walk away.
> 
> Dont waste your life on a mentally ill person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ya I know that's the easiest thing to say is just run....most people on this site think I'm nuts for staying with her.. Maybe I am an idiot for doing this.. I know there are like 1000 red flags her and maybe I should just say screw it and leave her...but I'm not at this point..she really is a good person just dealing with some **** right now..she wasn't always like this...she has a lot of great qualities...so I'll see how things go...


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

englem007 said:


> Ya I know that's the easiest thing to say is just run....most people on this site think I'm nuts for staying with her.. Maybe I am an idiot for doing this.. I know there are like 1000 red flags her and maybe I should just say screw it and leave her...but I'm not at this point..she really is a good person just dealing with some **** right now..she wasn't always like this...she has a lot of great qualities...so I'll see how things go...


I don't know what most people on this site think. I'm not sure where you are getting that notion of what most people here think, either.

I can tell you I observed uncomfortable things in my wife's behavior very early in our dating life, and whenever it came time to make a decision to leave or try to soldier on, I always chose to soldier on.

I had reason recently to look twenty-years back into my journals, and I see I was very perceptive. I was consciously aware of her troubling behaviors, and the pain I would feel in response, and I struggled to know whether it was all "just normal", or was destined to get better.

I had my own issues, and she might say the same about me.

In my situation, my wife has been 99.9% resistant to ever looking at herself, and what hurts her inside, and how her behavior is often self-defeating. She only went to see her doctor to discuss the anxiety and depression she had because eventually I used any and all leverage I had.

If your girlfriend's able to see she needs help, seeks it out, and is open to not only meds but talking therapy; if your girlfriend has bias towards introspection and self-awareness rather than against; then maybe she will get the help she needs.

There is no way to predict the future.
You can only learn what there is to learn, about possibilities and probabilities.
You can either look honestly at yourself, her, and all those things you can learn -- or you can avoid it all and lie to yourself to various degrees.

At 47, I can tell you whatever you do, do it with your eyes wide open. Don't commit yourself to "forever" too soon. If you have developed with "caretaker" or "fixer" or "co-dependent" tendencies, then be very very careful. If you don't fully understand what meaning those words have in this context, please look them up.

I am not saying all that because any keywords being relevant would automatically mean you should "run". It does not. Depression is pretty common. Much more common than I thought when I was, say, in my early twenties. You could find the healthiest person around, and in a few years, things can take a turn for the worst, mental health wise.

I am say that if you do have some of those tendencies, and you do not address them and be fully aware of what they mean, then YOU may do things that keep her trapped in her depression and ensure you sink to the bottom together over a long number of agonizing years, when something much more beautiful together might have been possible.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> You do not even know her, so how can you possibly say she is not a good catch?
> 
> Strange opinion.


Good catch? What are you talking about. I didn't say that. I said he should break up with her. 

I don't have to know her. 

Do I have to get in a cage with a grizzly bear to know it could tear me limb from limb?

Do I have to pick up a scorpion to know it will sting me. 

Do I have to personally know a mentally ill individual to deduce, by the things I have read and learned about mental illness, that it is disruptive and problematic not only for the sufferer but also his/her loved ones?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Break up with her and walk away.
> 
> Dont waste your life on a mentally ill person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


B mental illnesses are psychosis - like schizophrenia, paranoia etc. and they are genetically inherited. Depression is a neurosis - a chemical imbalance in the body due to a shock, post traumatic whatever. Sometimes the symptoms of hyperthyroid are mistakenly confused of the symptoms of depression.

B you are way smarter than this This man is in pain.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

englem007 said:


> Ya I know that's the easiest thing to say is just run....most people on this site think I'm nuts for staying with her.. Maybe I am an idiot for doing this.. I know there are like 1000 red flags her and maybe I should just say screw it and leave her...but I'm not at this point..she really is a good person just dealing with some **** right now..she wasn't always like this...she has a lot of great qualities...so I'll see how things go...


People will say anything. They will however filter all they say through their life experience. You need to know what you want no what people advice you. 
There is no way of knowing how this will turn out but look at the statistics and the recovery rate. Anyhow as I told you what you really need to know is how long has she been dealing with depression? If it just started her behavior is OK (crying, hiding) if she had several episodes and she still goes to the same loop she need to seek counseling. Not because she is crazy but because she needs some tools to deal with it. 
If the medds do not work in two weeks she should find another doctor. Mind is still a mystery to medicine and they can make her worse before better. The thing that the medds work differently is something perpetuated by doctors. Think about it, they did not suffered from depression. Everything they know comes from study and clinical observation. 
Good luck


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... You've been dating for 4 months, and you're just getting to know who she is. You shouldn't let yourself get too caught up with "the way she used to be". 

There's also the question about whether you're so tied to this relationship because you're a "fixer", aka "knight in shining armor". What's your thoughts on that?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

edgya1234 said:


> B mental illnesses are psychosis - like schizophrenia, paranoia etc. and they are genetically inherited. Depression is a neurosis - a chemical imbalance in the body due to a shock, post traumatic whatever. Sometimes the symptoms of hyperthyroid are mistakenly confused of the symptoms of depression.


Depression is considered a mental illness by many, including the CDC.

CDC - Definitions - Mental Health Mental Health Basics - Mental Health

It is not settled science that depression is a "chemical imbalance", in the way I think you are trying to suggest.



> B you are way smarter than this This man is in pain.


Bandit understands this man is in pain. I do not understand why that would be unclear to you.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

PBear said:


> My thoughts... You've been dating for 4 months, and you're just getting to know who she is. You shouldn't let yourself get too caught up with "the way she used to be".
> 
> There's also the question about whether you're so tied to this relationship because you're a "fixer", aka "knight in shining armor". What's your thoughts on that?
> 
> ...


well the way she use to be was like 3 months ago, so were not talking last year... im not trying to fix her, im just trying to be supportive to her and let her know im not going anywhere


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

PieceOfSky said:


> I don't know what most people on this site think. I'm not sure where you are getting that notion of what most people here think, either.
> 
> I can tell you I observed uncomfortable things in my wife's behavior very early in our dating life, and whenever it came time to make a decision to leave or try to soldier on, I always chose to soldier on.
> 
> ...


At first she didn't seem to want to get help..but now she is back on her medicine,which seems to not be helping yet..she is taking a couple different ones..I know one is Wellbutrin..she said one is an upper and the other is a downer..I think the next step for her is to seek therapy lim not going to push the issue with her.. I know she is irritable right now and I'm doing my best to be supportive with her...I definitely don't want to do anything to make her depression worse..I try to be upbeat around her and stay positive and don't let her moods affect me ..to me they seems like the best at this moment..if I really started questioning her etc it will push her away .


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

So an update on my situation with GF..... In the last few days she has got severely worse..I haven't even really talked with her much,only Saturday for a few and that wasn't a good conversation. I basically told her I'm not happy and she is pushing me away completely. It's like we're not even dating anymore...she even said she is antisocial with her kids too. Apparently she didn't go to work yesterday either.. Said she just didn't want to deal with anyone or anything...she has hit rock bottom hard!!! I even told her I'm concerned about her and she replied with "don't". She doesn't want any help with anything.. Nothing I can do for her.. She sees dr next week. But dunno how that will even go..she wasn't straight forward with me about her meds. She said she got back on same ones that really helped. But actually she didn't. Got some generic version that made her a thousand times worse. She said good med was too expensive now. I said how much. She said its 50 bucks. I said that's not much money and she said she can't afford it. She got pissed at me when I said I'll give u the money for the meds. I think I'm now to point I just can't be around her anymore,she is wearing we down and I'm exhausted. Time to let her go. Really sucks and breaks my heart


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