# What do I do?



## SGreen (Jun 28, 2010)

This past weekend, I figured out that my wife has been texting/IM-ing with another man and the topic of sex has come up between them, including what they would like to do to one another.... I confronted my wife after I found her poor attempt to cover it up but she went so far as to create a secret email address and she changed her Facebook password.....

I am devastated!

She tells me that she feels that she has felt distant from me for a while and this guy that she worked with 'friended' her on facebook and they talked alot but never met. She refuses to share with me the details of the conversations but has admitted that the conversations became sexual. 

I do not know what to do. 

I know that our relationship has not been the best recently but, even if the opportunity had arisen for me, I never would have thought of that....

I feel like my whole life, everything I knew and trusted is gone, no, according to her, she has not met up with him but it appears that she has only been friends with him for about a month.... I always trusted that she loved me, even through thick and thin and this never would have been a problem....

I feel like she is only remorseful because she was caught and this would have continued, I am afraid that it would have escalated.... 

I feel lost. What do I do? Do I agree to go to a therapist? We went before and I thought that things were better but I was obviously wrong, I am so overwhelmed right now....


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## withinbrandy (May 17, 2010)

Yeah I would, but even going the a thearpist it will still take a long while to gain trust again.


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

Can you see that the work you do on your marriage can not be short term. You have constantly pay attention.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well I would keylogger the computer for a start. My summary of much of what I've learned on these boards is below.

Married Man Sex Life: Catching Up On Cheating And Why You Need A Contingency Plan


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do not listen to anything she says for the time being.

Right now, she is ADDICTED to getting her 'high' from the Other Man. NOTHING she say has anything to do with the old wife you knew. The NEW wife couldn't care less what YOU want, because all SHE wants is to keep getting her fix of the OM.

What you have to do at this point is follow a plan:
1) confront her and ask her to NEVER contact him again - and get PROOF that she is not - on HER side.
2) if she refuses, or if she lies to you and continues to contact him, find ONE close relative or friend whose respect she craves, and tell that person what she is doing; ask that person to talk to her and ask her to stop.
3)If she ignores that person, call her family and friends and tell them ALL what she is doing, and ask them to help you stop the affair.
4)While you are doing all this, fix your side of the marriage.


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

Exposure is a difficult choice. Everyone you talk to may not agree to help save your marriage but most will try to talk to her, not taking sides. She may find that the continued risks and damage are too great to continue the affair, but that is not likely. So what exposure does is get it in the open. (Don't tell the people that you are asking to help that this is what is expected. They want to help save the marriage.) Once the secret is out the thrill of sneaking around is gone. But the addiction is still there. She willNOT simply change her mind and dedicated herself to you. Now they will be in the real world with real life problems. BUT, exposure is not right for everyone.
You are destroyed. You can not believe she could do this. The pain is overwhelming. (One month of real pain. Stay strong.) You need to read, read and post. You have a lot to learn and you need to learn it quickly. There is a long tern time commitment to saving your marriage. Study Plan A. Go to marriagebuilders and affaircare web sites.
I will be back to check on you later.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

Two articles that might help you somewhat. There are a lot of good people on this site - read a lot of the threads. And stay around!

4 Things to do to when you discover an affair

7 steps to end an affair

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