# Emotional Affair



## StephenChan (Aug 22, 2013)

Hello,
Hi, I am new to this forum. (Sorry for the length)
I am 35 my wife (30yo) of 11 years recently confessed that she had an online "emotional affair" with some guy. She had recently gotten into an ipad game that she plays very regularly. I have always been faithful, and as far as I know up to this point she had been too. 

She came to me and said that she wanted some "freedom", and that when she wanted to do things she felt like she needed my permission. That is never the case of course, if she wants to get out of the house why on Gods green creation would I bridle her from that? Anyway, she dropped this bomb on me like this:
"I think we might need some time apart." 
I asked why. 
She replied "I am just going through some things, I feel like I never got to experience life before we got married and I feel like we got married too young". 
In the middle of this convo I felt like there was a root I wasn't getting at...then it finally reared its head. 
She says "I have been going through all this and it probably doesn't help that I got close to this guy on my game".
My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest and I felt like I wanted to throw up. She said that I have been nothing but a great husband and I don't deserve this and she says that its all her fault. I know that I can be quick to yell at times, a little "douchie", and I suck in the romance department (Not the sex part, just the romantic. My brain just isn't geared that way, although I would like to get better if I could learn how to). 
Long story short, from what she says she had only been getting close to this guy for about a week-week and a half. She told him that she was having feelings for him and he said the same to her. They had actually planned later this year to meet up with her gaming community in NV. She has broken the relationship off with this guy and blocked him...she says.

My world is crushed. I am utterly devastated and feel like there is a hole in me. I have two kids a 6yo and a 8yo. If we didn't have the kids I don't know if I would stick around. She told me this 2 months ago and I still feel like every time she goes out shes up to something. She probably isn't, but that's how I feel. Where I would have NEVER questioned her commitment to me, there's always suspicion. I sometimes loose sleep now, up until 3-4 in the morning and I feel no peace. My family is my world, and I want to keep them together but not like this. Its gut wrenching.
I guess what I am asking is, I know that 1-2 weeks seems kind of trivial. They didn't have any online sex or anything like that.
#1. Am I being a little silly feeling this way?
#2. Is there a way to get over this and if I can will I ever trust her like I did before?
I don't want to get jaded towards her. There are times that remind me what it was like before, and then there are times when its so cold between us. 

Any help would be appreciated, I have been in turmoil for 2 months and just want it to stop.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Your not silly. Your wife is cheating on you. I would be very surprised if it is not MUCH more than she told you.

What to do? Seriously you need to KICK HER OUT and start getting ready to file for a divorce.

Harsh? Very. It is the only thing that will shock her into ending the affair.

I would also let people close to her/and you know why.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Lovemytruck said:


> Your not silly. Your wife is cheating on you. I would be very surprised if it is not MUCH more than she told you.
> 
> What to do? Seriously you need to KICK HER OUT and start getting ready to file for a divorce.
> 
> ...


This would be a good start.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Post nup. See a lawyer ASAP.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You don't sound like you know the details of her cheating. You sound like you only know what she has decided to tell you. Do you have texts of conversations? Have they been talking on the phone? Skype? Other chatting options?

You can't reconcile if you don't know what you're reconciling. People who cheat lie incessantly and only give out tiny, partial truths. I would push for more if I were you. If she won't give you the truth, make her leave.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Things I would do:
1. Talk to a divorce lawyer and learn about your rights as a father. 
2. Demand transparency. Phone records, email, social network, etc. 
3. No more online games. 
4. No contact with the OM. 
5. IC for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Wow, I am seeing more and more of these types of stories. Read my post history. My spouse also fell in love after 2-3weeks of a online ipad game. Freaky the speed at which it developes into "love" eh? 

This is just the tip of the iceberg my friend. If you start digging you will find much more under the surface. 

Mind sharing what game it was? I am starting to think there is one lone wizard/witch who infiltrates ipad games causing all who interact with them to swoon instantly.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

StephenChan said:


> I guess what I am asking is, I know that 1-2 weeks seems kind of trivial. They didn't have any online sex or anything like that.
> #1. Am I being a little silly feeling this way?
> #2. Is there a way to get over this and if I can will I ever trust her like I did before?
> I don't want to get jaded towards her. There are times that remind me what it was like before, and then there are times when its so cold between us.
> ...


Her story doesn't make sense. It wasn't 1-2 weeks. That's not enough time to build up an online relationship where she would come to you needing space. Unless you believe she really did want space before she met this guy (not likely).

You can get over it, but you will never trust her like you did before.

You can trust her a lot more than you do now, but SHE has to EARN your trust. It doesn't sound like she is doing much earning.

Here is the most likely scenario: She was exchanging raunchy messages and pictures with this guy, as well as "I love you's." This went on for a few months, at least. She still is in contact with him now.

Do what investigating that you can to find out exactly where you stand. Look at her phone bill going back for months. Look at her browser history. Look at her email. Look at her phone. Look at the apps on the phone, especially those that can be used to communicate. Look for a burner phone in the bathroom, in her closet, in her car trunk and glovebox. Buy a voice-activated recorder and some heavy-duty Velcro and put it under the seat of her car. Also put one in the house where she is likely to talk on the phone when you are not around. Hopefully all of this turns up nothing, and backs up her story (not likely). It it does back up her story, it helps you restore trust. If not, at least you know where you stand.

Who else knows about her game affair?

Does she still play the game? If not, how does she fill that time instead? If so, how do you know she's not in contact with him? What time of day did she usually play and for how long? Any changes in that?

Do you ever play the game?

How closely does she guard her phone?

How has she treated you throughout the course of this period of time, the several months before the affair through now? What changes have there been?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

StephenChan said:


> There are times that remind me what it was like before, and then there are times when its so cold between us.
> 
> Any help would be appreciated, I have been in turmoil for 2 months and just want it to stop.


The times when she is cold to you most likely coincide with her being in contact with the other man. Be observant for what precedes her coldness.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

In a marriage, there is husband and wife. There is no marriage when a wife has a husband and a spare. It won't work. Right now,your on the verge of being traded in for a newer model so you have to either tell her to end it now or pack up and leave. Make sure that when you have this conversation that she see's that your are dead serious and let it be known that there is no room for compromise. If she can't decide, then look her straight in the eye and tell her that you'll make the decision easy and file for divorce. Have her served and if she still doesn't get it then you can't say that you didn't give her fair warning. Don't play games with your marriage.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

STOP STOP STOP!

DO NOT GIVE HER SPACE! DO NOT KICK HER OUT UNLESS YOU WANT TO END IT!

If she leaves he will be at her place within two weeks!!!!! No separation. It is her way of making it go pa much easier without you around.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

How far away does he live?

Do we have any ipad experts here? Sync the ipad to itunes?? Keylog for ipad?

Note they areprobably sexting. Is her email also on the ipad?

Check call history. If they are calling each other you may be able to get info by putting a voice activated recorder in her car and whatever room she talks in when you are not around.

Edit ill. Post my standard var stuff when i get home.


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## Awishforjoy (Jun 20, 2013)

I had an EA that was short lived that resulted from a game. (Not sure if I can say the name here, but will hint to it… rhymes with “hash of hands”) I won’t go into details, but it was very short and there was no intention of "getting together". It happened because my husband was distant and cold. I needed a friend and was bored. That's usually how it happens... boredom. When my husband found out he went nuts. There was abuse. I stuck through it because I felt bad for what I did (and we have little kiddos too). He has recently been diagnosed with Adult Attachment Disorder (of which is a whole set of other issues leading to why it happened and why he reacts the way he does). 

Anyway, I cut all contact, STOPPED playing the game, gave him my phone, email, all my password everything he wanted. Hubs has tried to forgive me and pretends like nothing is wrong, but his constant distrust (which I don't blame him for) just makes me feel sad, suffocated, alone, and like he's looking for my next mistake. I'll tell you now.. Had I left I would not have come back. We are doing things together now which help, but forgiveness is the only thing that will fix it. Forgiveness and fun. When was the last time you went on a date? Or away for the weekend? WITH NO KIDS??? It’s not about the romance. It’s about being connected. She may want to run, but I bet that she is actually just bored and feeling disconnected. You still have a chance, but only if you find a way to forgive her.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Alright Im at home. Here is my standard set of instructions. Someone needs to tell you about syncing the IPAD to Itunes. I have no idea on spy apps for an Ipad but you need em. IF she uses the computer get a keylogger on it pronto.

The biggie is getting a var in the car and a var into whatever room she talks in when you are not around.

Standard instructions:

Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” Any of this sound familiar? 

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY! NEVER give up you get your intel from the VAR. You tell her, you always got your info from a PI or someone saw them. Hard confronts with overwhelming evidence to crush all resistance are the name of the game.

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT 
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or the aisle with the fasteners like screws.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. 

ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.
I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

Usual warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for three men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality. NEVER GIVE UP YOUR ELECTRONIC EVIDENCE. They were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful.

Look for a burner phone. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone"

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

You can't keylog an iPad AFAIK. You might be able to sync it but don't quote me on that. *You CAN put a spy app on a iPad though.* Apple is not my specialty. But here some stuff that can help you.

A good how to reference for Apple stuff, especially for jailbreaking (which you will need to do before installing a spy app).
iClarified - Tutorials - iPhone

The company I use to monitor.
iPhone Spy Software – Mobile Spy iPhone Monitoring App

Mobile Spy Compatibility | Android, iPhone and BlackBerry Spy App

If you go this route it would be best to do it when she is asleep. It will take about 15-20 mins to jailbreak plus an additional 5 or so to install the app.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

OP,

You didn't really make it clear.

You said she told you she cut off and blocked OM (she could be lying).

But is she still talking to you about needing space or separation in the 2 months since this went down?

The other posters are probably right that you have received a minimum of the story from her.

If she is still talking up separating, then she is almost assuredly still carrying on with cheating, either with this POS or another you do not know about yet.

Put your foot down and demand her loyalty to the M or you intend to divorce as you will not accept this disrespect.

She must provide you with complete access to all of her communications currently and in the past so you can begin to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.

If she fights or refuses any of this, file for D.

Do a hard 180 on her. Only speak to her about kids or the D proceedings. Be unemotional and short in your responses to her.

Expose the A to friends and family and your intention to D since she is unremorseful and unwilling to do the work to fix the M.

Only change this course of action if she wakes up, shows true remorse, willingness to meet your demands, and confesses to the entire extent of her betrayal.

Basically, you have to shock her back into reality by showing her how her life as she knows it will come crashing down around her.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Eh me thinks polygraph time or at least the threat one.


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Eh me thinks polygraph time or at least the threat one.


Ah yes the polygraph. For when you need the truth to something in the past and there is no current evidence to find. Worked for me!


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## StephenChan (Aug 22, 2013)

daggeredheart said:


> Mind sharing what game it was? I am starting to think there is one lone wizard/witch who infiltrates ipad games causing all who interact with them to swoon instantly.


It was The Hobbit




Lovemytruck said:


> Your not silly. Your wife is cheating on you. I would be very surprised if it is not MUCH more than she told you.
> What to do? Seriously you need to KICK HER OUT and start getting ready to file for a divorce.
> Harsh? Very. It is the only thing that will shock her into ending the affair.
> I would also let people close to her/and you know why.


I really want to be passive, there is also a good chance that her story may be true. I can't assume and tear apart my family over something that very well could have been just a two week thing. She said that when she started realizing that she was having feelings for him she cut it off.




Awishforjoy said:


> Anyway, I cut all contact, STOPPED playing the game, gave him my phone, email, all my password everything he wanted. Hubs has tried to forgive me and pretends like nothing is wrong, but his constant distrust (which I don't blame him for) just makes me feel sad, suffocated, alone, and like he's looking for my next mistake. I'll tell you now.. Had I left I would not have come back. We are doing things together now which help, but forgiveness is the only thing that will fix it. Forgiveness and fun. When was the last time you went on a date? Or away for the weekend? WITH NO KIDS??? It’s not about the romance. It’s about being connected. She may want to run, but I bet that she is actually just bored and feeling disconnected. You still have a chance, but only if you find a way to forgive her.


This is actually what she has said believe it or not. She feels disconnected. She has been a stay at home mom for 7 years and had a health problem that kind of helped prevent her from leaving the house too much. I recently got injured at work and have been off of work, she had to get a job and cope with things lately so that helped her depression from feeling this way.




Will_Kane said:


> The times when she is cold to you most likely coincide with her being in contact with the other man. Be observant for what precedes her coldness.


This had stopped a week after she told me, I should have been more specific. Sorry 




weightlifter said:


> Alright Im at home. Here is my standard set of instructions. Someone needs to tell you about syncing the IPAD to Itunes. I have no idea on spy apps for an Ipad but you need em. IF she uses the computer get a keylogger on it pronto.
> 
> The biggie is getting a var in the car and a var into whatever room she talks in when you are not around.
> 
> ...


Ok, first off. I am pretty savvy when it comes to the IT field. Before I saw the replies she noticed today that I was bummed out and asked what was wrong. I told her, I don't trust your ass. She was a little upset and reiterated exactly what she had said two months ago. At least there is consistency there. She understood how I was feeling for the most part. It did feel like she was trying to make me feel bad for still doubting her after two months and how that it wasn't that deep of a relationship. I will definitely take this advice. I did some serious cleaning on her computer to boost her performance last night. While I was there I took the liberty to do a little snooping. She came up clean on the PC. I checked phone records on the times she was out. That came up clean as well. I didn't think of a burner phone. Ill check the car for one of those *****es after I get done typing.

I was going to install a keylogger last night but after I inspected her computer thoroughly I decided not to. As far as passwords to accounts, nothing has changed and I have complete access of everything. I have not checked her game (she is still playing, but when I walk over to see what she is doing she doesn't flinch or close the screen suddenly). 

I doubt she has had the time to be engaging in any physical sexual things. I am with her most of her time awake. I still will tread with care though.

Sadly since I have been out of work for a while due to my rotator cuff I cant get the recorder, but its on my list as soon as I get the funds.
I already have Audacity. Its great on my Linux system!

There is an app for keylogging on the iPad/iphone, its iKeyMonitor. I have not looked into it much, she keeps a pretty close tab on her phone and iPad. She has always been like that as long as I can remember, so that isn't a new thing.

As far as separation goes, when she mentioned it I already told her no. I said if she wants to be away from me she might as well file. Needless to say she didn't.




Dyokemm said:


> OP,
> You didn't really make it clear.
> You said she told you she cut off and blocked OM (she could be lying).
> But is she still talking to you about needing space or separation in the 2 months since this went down?


Sorry about that.
She said she did, but that's all I have. She has not been saying anything about separation since, but she has said she has needed time alone. She said, "not much, just a little me time". I have been spying on her ass pretty hard even though she is unaware, and will continue to do so.

Thanks for all the helpful advice, I am scared but I need to find out the truth.


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## StephenChan (Aug 22, 2013)

Seems my other post was messed up and didn't post. Luckily I used a text editor.Hopefully it doesn't turn into a XX post :smthumbup:




daggeredheart said:


> Mind sharing what game it was? I am starting to think there is one lone wizard/witch who infiltrates ipad games causing all who interact with them to swoon instantly.


It was The Hobbit




Lovemytruck said:


> Your not silly. Your wife is cheating on you. I would be very surprised if it is not MUCH more than she told you.
> What to do? Seriously you need to KICK HER OUT and start getting ready to file for a divorce.
> Harsh? Very. It is the only thing that will shock her into ending the affair.
> I would also let people close to her/and you know why.


I really want to be passive, there is also a good chance that her story may be true. I can't assume and tear apart my family over something that very well could have been just a two week thing. She said that when she started realizing that she was having feelings for him she cut it off. When they told each other they had feelings for one another that is.




Awishforjoy said:


> Anyway, I cut all contact, STOPPED playing the game, gave him my phone, email, all my password everything he wanted. Hubs has tried to forgive me and pretends like nothing is wrong, but his constant distrust (which I don't blame him for) just makes me feel sad, suffocated, alone, and like he's looking for my next mistake. I'll tell you now.. Had I left I would not have come back. We are doing things together now which help, but forgiveness is the only thing that will fix it. Forgiveness and fun. When was the last time you went on a date? Or away for the weekend? WITH NO KIDS??? It’s not about the romance. It’s about being connected. She may want to run, but I bet that she is actually just bored and feeling disconnected. You still have a chance, but only if you find a way to forgive her.


This is actually what she has said believe it or not. She feels disconnected. She has been a stay at home mom for 7 years and had a health problem that kind of helped prevent her from leaving the house too much. I recently got injured at work and have been off of work, she had to get a job and cope with things lately so that helped her depression from feeling this way.




Will_Kane said:


> The times when she is cold to you most likely coincide with her being in contact with the other man. Be observant for what precedes her coldness.


This had stopped a week after she told me, I should have been more specific. Sorry 




weightlifter said:


> Alright Im at home. Here is my standard set of instructions. Someone needs to tell you about syncing the IPAD to Itunes. I have no idea on spy apps for an Ipad but you need em. IF she uses the computer get a keylogger on it pronto.
> 
> The biggie is getting a var in the car and a var into whatever room she talks in when you are not around.
> 
> ...


Ok, first off. I am pretty savvy when it comes to the IT field. Before I saw the replies she noticed today that I was bummed out and asked what was wrong. I told her, I dont trust your ass. She was a little upset and reiterated exactly what she had said two months ago. At least there is consistency there. She understood how I was feeling for the most part. It did feel like she was trying to make me feel bad for still doubting her after two months and how that it wasn't that deep of a relationship. I will definitly take this advice. I did some serious cleaning on her computer to boost her performance last night. While I was there I took the liberty to do a little snooping. She came up clean on the PC. I checked phone records on the times she was out. That came up clean as well. I didnt think of a burner phone. Ill check the car for one of those *****es after I get done typing.

I was going to install a keylogger last night but after I inspected her computer thoroughly I decided not to. As far as passwords to accounts, nothing has changed and I have complete access of everything. I have not checked her game (she is still playing, but when I walk over to see what she is doing she doesn't flinch or close the screen suddenly). 

I doubt she has had the time to be engaging in any physical sexual things. I am with her most of her time awake. I still will tread with care though.

Sadly since I have been out of work for a while due to my rotator cuff I cant get the recorder, but its on my list as soon as I get the funds.
I already have Audacity. Its great on my linux system!

There is an app for keylogging on the iPad/iphone, its iKeyMonitor. I have not looked into it much, she keeps a pretty close tab on her phone and ipad. She has always been like that as long as I can remember, so that isnt a new thing.

As far as seperation goes, when she mentioned it I already told her no. I said if she wants to be away from me she might as well file. Needless to say she didnt.




Dyokemm said:


> OP,
> You didn't really make it clear.
> You said she told you she cut off and blocked OM (she could be lying).
> But is she still talking to you about needing space or separation in the 2 months since this went down?


Sorry about that.
She said she did, but thats all I have. She has not been saying anything about seperation since, but she has said she has needed time alone. She said, "not much, just a little me time". I have been spying on her ass pretty hard even though she is unaware, and will continue to do so.


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## stamford (Oct 12, 2012)

When my wife left me, she gave similar reasons, married too young, wanted freedom, missed out on a lot.

They where all excuses for her to test out her EA partner.

I fought for her, and we reconciled.

Sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing to do, trust is a hard thing to regain, and when you do the chasing and leg work to get the marriage back on track, you end up with lots of unanswered questions. Like why she came back, is she truly sorry, has she been completely honest.

You also see faults that where not there before.

If I was to do things over, I wouldnt have chased, hinsight is a wonderful thing.

I would have said, its your choice, stay and work on the marriage, or leave and get divorced. I wish I'd had the strength to do that.

If she leaves, don't let her back, she is going PA, don't be fooled by anything she says. You will find yourself bending over backwards to win her back, and she will enjoy it, the attention she gets from you, and her new relationship. She will keep pushing you, blaming you.

Everyday I wish I hadn't chased, and that I wasn't so stupid as to fool for her lies. You have to understand that, giving her space/freedom, is the same as saying you can sleep with another man and if things don't work out just come back.

Definately do tell friends/family, but be selective, if you work things out, it can be hard too many people knowing what happened, for both of you, her for shame, you for feeling humiliation.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Hey Stamford,

I remember reading your threads.

Haven't seen you here in awhile.

Last I remember you're WW was still denying a PA and it was getting in the way of your attempt at R.

Did she ever admit or did you just bury the issue?

Are you still together 6 months later?


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

StephenChan said:


> Hello,
> Hi, I am new to this forum. (Sorry for the length)
> I am 35 my wife (30yo) of 11 years recently confessed that she had an online "emotional affair" with some guy. She had recently gotten into an ipad game that she plays very regularly. I have always been faithful, and as far as I know up to this point she had been too.
> 
> ...


Dear SC,

When your WW confessed to an EA, asked for "some 'freedom'" and said the two of you needed "time apart," the correct response would have been the following:

_"By being unfaithful, you have broken your marriage vow and, de facto, ended our marriage. This releases me from my marriage vow.

"We are both now free to do whatever we like. What I am going to do is file for divorce because I don't want to be married to a cheater. You can do whatever you want."
_
After saying this, you should have immediately filed for divorce.

This is how a strong, confident man would have dealt with your situation. The likely outcome would have been that your WW would have been shocked out of her affair fog, begged for a second chance and complied with any reconciliation terms you laid down. After a suitable period of time, during which she demonstrated true remorse for her infidelity and you confirmed that she was doing what you asked of her, you could have stopped the divorce proceeding. Thereafter, you would have been in control in your marriage, you would have felt good about yourself, your FWW would have had new found love and respect for you, she would have eventually regained your trust and the two of you would have gone on to have a happy marriage.

But you are not a strong, confidant man. You, like most guys who come to TAM/CWI for help, are the opposite (so much so that you had to ask strangers if it was OK to be upset about your WW's infidelity!). Because you fell apart when your WW "confessed" and asked for what is effectively an open marriage, she has less love and respect for you. As a result, your WW is probably still cheating on you or waiting for you to lower your guard so that she can cheat again. Eventually, she will cheat again and, when you find out, you will either finally man up or you will learn to live the life of a cuckold. Until then, you will not get over this and, if you have any sense, you will not trust her again.

Please let me know if you have any other questions.


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## Getbusylivin (Dec 23, 2012)

What game was she playing and is she still playing,,,kinda odd seeing women playing online games isn't it ?


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