# My husband's comments made me angry



## Puccipet (Jul 5, 2010)

Is this an idiotic thing for a husband to say or what?


Yesterday we were having dinner at our place with my sister's family and mom. The topic came up of a TV show called "The Week the Women Went". It's about a small town in Alberta, where for one week all the women of that town left the men at home to tend to the house and kids.

The guys at our table were saying that they make it seem like it's a big job. Then my sister asked my husband if he were left alone with the house and our son for one week would he be able to handle it. He said not only could he handle it, but he would do a better job. And when challenged he kept insisting, "I guarantee I could do a better job".

A little tidbit about my husband --he has an escallating drinking problem in the last few years and there were many times when I had to go out for a few hours and upon returning found him drunk while looking after our son. So I highly doubt it that he could do a "better" job than me when I can't even trust him for a few hours. 

I don't know why guys sometimes don't think when they speak. Sorry I am not man bashing, just trying to understand why he would say that, unless I am doing a really crappy job.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know this man.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I think men often say that because they feel they have to be able to do everything. I think they think that if they admit to a weakness (even something as simple as acknowledging that you can take care of house and kids better than he can), that others (women) will think poorly of them. I've been very lucky in that my boyfriend seems to be the type that can admit to those things he can't do, or can't do as well, or at the very least, that he would rather let me do. But if he did say stuff like that, honestly, I would just let it go. Since we'll probably never be in a position where our situations would be reversed, it really doesn't matter if he thinks he can do better than me or not. 

If I were in your position, and I'm not trying to tell you what to do or to say that you are wrong for being upset, but I would be more concerned about his drinking issues than a thoughtless comment like that.


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## Puccipet (Jul 5, 2010)

Yes, I think part of the reason he was talking like that was that he had a few. So part of me was saying "just let the drunken fool babble on"


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Isn't the actual problem that you live with an alcoholic husband?


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## Puccipet (Jul 5, 2010)

Yes that is the main problem.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well drunk people are going to say dumb things. There's no point trying to read anything into anything anyone says when they are drunk. It's not really truth serum.

The obvious problem is that he's a drunk that endangers your children. Is that acceptable to you, or do you want to do something about it?


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## Puccipet (Jul 5, 2010)

Well I've already told him a hundred times that he is drinking too much and needs to get help. He promises to stop but then he does for awhile and then it starts again. You can't force someone to stop drinking if they don't think they have a drinking problem. That's where the problem is.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well what's the difference between a drinking problem and say having him cheat on you repeatedly? Both are totally unacceptable behaviors.

Are you just tolerating it enough to let it continue?


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## Puccipet (Jul 5, 2010)

So what do you do --just leave? Even if you have children, you just leave?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Is he a danger to your children? Is the drinking making your home an uncomfortable place for your children to be? Are your children or you scared of him when he drinks? If so, then yes, you just leave. If you want him to stop drinking, if you feel it's a problem, and he won't, then you leave. You don't necessarily divorce him, but you do separate and hope that that will make him get his life together so that you can be a family again. But you must do what is best for your children. And I don't believe that living with an alcoholic father can really be what's best for them. 

But, you also have to make that decision for yourself. We can't tell you what to do. You'll leave or not, if/when you're ready.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Puccipet said:


> So what do you do --just leave? Even if you have children, you just leave?


Yes. You just leave.

If you don't just leave, you are telling him by your actions that you accept his behavior.

It's that simple.

Nothing about leaving is easy. Don't confuse "simple" with "easy." But this situation is simple: he's a drunk, and you're his enabler.


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