# Just Wondering



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

I think this is a Female question. My wife has seemed to lost her interest in climaxing. Or her desire for orgasm it seems to have started out with no time for sex but lets just do it for me. and this went on for a while. Then it became a thing Its late She needs to sleep but willing to take care of me for a quickie. Well as the months pass I start to realize she never gets off any more and it seems she has given up trying.She does not welcome oral, or foreplay, she just is doing it for me. Its really turned into a F22k instead of making love and enjoying yourself. We have a good relationship other wise (I Think) One thing I have blame it on is she takes SSRi's and thats when things went south. As a male its are to believe someone not wanting to orgasm. Please help me understand this.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

That is a doctor question, it is a side effect of the SSRI.


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## quester (Nov 22, 2014)

Ive gone through this myself. My wife used to climax from PIV sex when we were first together, but after our child, that mostly stopped. Once in a while when even she doesnt expect it but its more or less never happening.

Then it became the way that she wanted me to take care of her orally before sex, which she claims I do a great job of getting her there - but for her its very utilitarian. 3-5 minutes, always do the same thing, she gets to the goal. 

Then it wound down to only giving her oral on the weekends on sat/sun mid-day sex, and thats where its stayed for years. The odd thing is that we sometimes have no time to fool around on the weekend, sometimes two depending on circumstances, and she has no desire for it. It doesnt bother her one bit. She can go weeks - maybe months - without needing to climax, which for me does not compute. Ive asked her if shes taking care of herself and she claims no. I dont get it. If I had to go more than a few days I think Id feel like it was the end.

Its also not a nice feeling that your spouse could "take it or leave it" when it comes to climaxing. But I've heard this same story from many other men.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

anonmd said:


> That is a doctor question, it is a side effect of the SSRI.


^I agree, SSRI's are notorious for this. She should talk to her Dr. about it they can try tweaking her meds or adding one like Wellbutrin that can help.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

anonmd said:


> That is a doctor question, it is a side effect of the SSRI.


Agree. This is a good start and possible cause. But if your wife does not feel its a problem, getting her to see her doctor would be an issue. For a male, many SSRIs delay orgasm and can lower libido. 

It could easily be something else. Do not make the mistake of telling her its the SSRI or its all in her head or something like that. You will lose and be set back immensely.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I think it's totally the SSRI. It probably became too stressful to her to worry about because it takes a lot of time if it happens at all. Believe her when she says she wants to do it just for you. It's not like she is opposed to orgasming. But, it's a lot of pressure if your partner wants you to do bad and you can't, and it ruins the experience.

How long has she been on it and what's she taking? Often, that side effect subsides in 4-6 months.


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## FamilyGuy (Aug 2, 2009)

My wife is on no meds, but this is the case with us.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Medications aside, I do know that women do NOT like husbands that force them to orgasm. Many husbands will aggressively start trying every trick in the book to get his wife to orgasm and get hopelessly frustrated. She in turn simply wants her man to be happy, but then not even that works because every time sex becomes frustrating for him. She withdraws, eventually stops trying.

My advice to you is that if your wife is still game to try to make you happy, make it a point to really let her know how much you enjoy it and be sincere. Do not expect her to enjoy herself, but let her know you are willing and game to try something different if she ever wants. Perhaps ask her to try a little something different that the two of you have never done before to add some variety such as blindfold each other or perhaps experiment with electrosex devices. Eventually she may "respond" to that and reawaken her sexuality.

I mention electrosex because last night I was reading that if you take two electrodes from a TENS back massager (commonly sold at Walgreens/CVS/Amazon) above each ankle inside the leg, set the device to knead just below the threshold of being able to feel anything that it will send signals up the legs, start a tingling sensation between her legs which is the primary target of therapeutic nerve stimulation, and make her more receptive an orgasm after about 20-30 minutes of stimulation via the electrodes. Be aware attempting something like this with the expectations for her to enjoy it, could make her feel inadequate and broken. So only attempt in a playful manner to explore each other and try to feel new things.

An example TENS massager Choicemmed Electronic Pulse Stimulator | Walgreens

Regards, 
Badsanta


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