# New to Step-parenting



## drgrthwr (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi everybody. I'm new to this forum and new to step-parenting. To make a long story short: I am 50 years young and a father of two lovely girls, aged 13 and 9. I am a physician and athlete and went through a difficult divorce a year-and-a-half ago after several years of a bad marriage, one without intimacy or sex for several years. We stayed together "for the sake of the kids" (likely a mistake), probably six years too long. In a nutshell, we didn't get along, and rarely saw eye-to-eye. I lived on her family's estate, with her parents, cousins, second cousins, aunts and uncles on several acres of beautiful property. This was a "Peyton Place" marriage that was likely doomed to fail. And it did.

I struggled financially last year and almost lost my medical practice, but have survived. I tried computer dating for a while for three months or so after the divorce, and dated many interesting people who were wrong for me. I gave up. I committed myself to my practice, my daughters and my health through exercise. I thoroughly explored the dating scene and gave up on it completely. So, of course, within another month, I met the woman of my dreams, a 31-year old woman with two boys, aged 7 and 3. We dated for 6 months, got tired of the going back-and-forth, and decided to move in together about three months ago.

Things have gone relatively well despite great financial stressors, as well as ex-wife (mine) and ex-husband (hers) issues. Her ex-husband is an alcoholic and has not been sober for over 30 years and is not likely to ever beat his alcoholism. He is a convicted stalker and has been nothing but trouble although I understand the effects of alcoholism (i.e., depression) and would never say a bad word about him in front of his (now MY) boys or my girls. 

All that aside, we remain in love after a little over a year, our children get along very well (thank God!), and we are making a life of it. We recently got engaged. We are trying to get pregnant (I'm not getting any younger).

I am here because I have questions. First, I know we should find counseling to help deal with issues surrounding the eventual birth of our first child and possible effects on our children. Second, the boys' alcoholic father is completely confusing both boys, especially the 7-year old. He has received counseling in school but now in summer really needs to do more. He is confused about SO MANY things, and acts out a great deal on Sundays after his father lets him stay up until midnight playing video games. Sundays are very difficult transitions for us. Third, although my daughters appear to be adjusting well and generally like their step-mother to be, they have their moments and I wonder if I am unknowingly messing things up for them. I continue to be amazed by their resilience after all the pain and heartbreak of their parents' divorce.

Thank you all in advance for any help you might offer. I am all ears.


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## Kaynaz (Jul 25, 2011)

hello....

As we all know, there’s no single way of parenting. There are many ideas about how to rear children. Some parents adopt the ideas their own parents used. Others get advice from friends. No one has all the answers. Psychologists now know what parenting practices are the most effective and are more likely to promote positive development for their children.....

Regards
Kaynaz.
http://www.newportpsychotherapy.com


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