# Ladies, do you like getting male attention.



## Holland

We are always seeing posts here about women that are pissed with their men because they look at other women.

Would love to hear the other side of the equation.

I am the first to admit I like getting attention from men, whether it is while on my bike and wearing lycra, at school pick up, out at the pub or other social event. Anywhere, the supermarket etc I simply enjoy getting the looks, smiles, hello's and chat ups.

So of course it would be hypocritical of me to get all annoyed with Mr H when he notices other women, smiles or chats to them. I am also good with him flirting within boundaries.

So tell me ladies, do you like the male attention?


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## Mavash.

Nope I prefer to be left alone. 

I'm TAKEN.


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## Holland

Mavash. said:


> Nope I prefer to be left alone.
> 
> I'm TAKEN.


I'm taken too but I still enjoy the attention


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## Zookeepertomany

Nope, don't like and definitely don't need it to make myself feel better about myself.


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## greenpearl

When other men pay a lot of attention to you, it is flattering. It means you are attractive. 

Do I feel flattered? YES! Do I secretly like it? YES! 

Am I interested in them? NO. Would I want to talk to them? NO.

And sometimes you get these ugly or old men stare at you, it is actually disgusting.


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## seagoat

Makes no difference to me one way or another. Maybe because good-looking guys do exactly zero for me. I found the most interesting people behind very inconspicuous facades. And if I catch a guy staring, I usually turn around to see who's behind me, or look down on myself if I spilled some coffee, or if I have crumbs on my face. :scratchhead:

I'm entirely comfortable with myself, warts and all. External validation is not necessary.


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## northernlights

Honestly, I very rarely get attention from men when I'm out, so I don't know that it's happened often enough to have an opinion about it. I mean, I like when I happen to meet an interesting person regardless of their gender. Maybe some of those people start talking to me because of the way I look? But like a random "Hey baby" from a guy passing by that I don't know? Rarely happens and I think it's kind of weird.


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## Coffee Amore

It depends on the attention. A look, a grin, a simple greeting is ok and I'll admit I enjoy that if it's brief. However, chatting up annoys me. And if they tend to be aggressive about chatting up, that really makes me want to shut them down as fast as I can. Chatting up doesn't happen that much though since most of the time when I'm going somewhere, I'm with my husband or with the kids or too busy doing my own thing to talk to someone. What really bugs is when they stare. That doesn't happen often at all, but when it does, it's creepy.


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## Mavash.

My friend gets a lot of male attention everywhere she goes and I was secretly jealous. Over time she taught me how to dress and suddenly I was getting attention too and it wasn't all that I thought it would be. I found being looked at awkward and being chatted up even worse.

What I know now is I'm just introverted which means I do NOT like attention of any kind.


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## Holland

Ah maybe that is the difference Mavash, I am an extrovert.

Not talking about creepy chatting up, just friendly chatting. I am very much in love with my guy and have a good grasp on life. i simply enjoy male attention. 

The flip side is that I get it that he likes to look at other women, we are both very visual and extrovert types.


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## waiwera

As is often the case... it depends.

I usually enjoy the attention if it is done nicely and with taste but I HAVE had times when I have found it intimidating and embarrassing.

Is it a look and smile or is it some [email protected] yelling something vulgar out the car window as they drive past me out for a run AND is their wife/girlfriend there and is the look/smile repsectful to her..... nothing screams *"[email protected]"* more than a man oggling you or trying to get eye contact when his SO is right there next to him.


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## committed4ever

Nope. HATE IT. I don't don't show cleavage or reveal other part of my body like my navel, etc so I don't appreciate at all the staring down and cat call.


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## that_girl

It makes me feel uncomfortable if someone is staring or looking.

I like to talk to people, but male attention isn't on my radar. I just think they are creepers haha.


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## Mavash.

My friend who likes the attention is an extrovert.


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## Faithful Wife

I used to love getting it, plus I could give it out pretty hard, too. Was a bit of a hussy. In the cute way. 

Now, if my husband asked me to, I would wear a burka. I like being all his, even to the eye.

However, I am still a cutie, so they do still look no matter what I wear.


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## Holland

Faithful Wife said:


> I used to love getting it, plus I could give it out pretty hard, too. Was a bit of a hussy. In the cute way.
> 
> Now, if my husband asked me to, I would wear a burka. I like being all his, even to the eye.
> 
> However, I am still a cutie, so they do still look no matter what I wear.


Interesting FW. If Mr H asked me to wear a burka I would tell him to piss off. But he would never ask me to do that, if anything he likes me to show some cleavage.


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## Cosmos

It all depends on the man giving me the attention... Having said that, it's pretty meaningless to me these days because the only attention I want is from my SO


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## Faithful Wife

I'm not saying he would ask that. He likes his arm candy.

I'm saying though that as far as me getting off on the attention, I am now his only. So IF he asked that of me, I would happily say yes, but he would never.

He has certainly though told me to change out of something and not let me out of the house in certain outfits. But that is simply because I will tend toward dressing like a cute hussy and be showing too much skin on a regular basis...not because he didn't want men checking me out. He acts like there is no choice either of us have in the fact that men WILL check me out. He says things like "they can't help it honey, they're men and you look like that". So that's why I can't dress like a hussy anymore...I can't invite MORE attention upon myself. But the "just right" amount that makes him feel like he has a hot wife is what we strive for.


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## Pandakiss

Never bothered me. Men stare gawk, dice roll, all kinds of stuff. I get hit on all the time, if I'm out with hubby, men wait until we part ways (like in a store) then come up to me. 

Men straight or gay women straight or gay, like my shoes, dress, hair, bracelets, makeup, shirt, stockings....

Attention is fun, but if I don't want to be bothered, I can do things like headphones, ignore, face buried in my phone, sunglasses. When we are hanging out at night, I wear baggy jeans, one of his shirts, and my hair in a bun. Most people who see us at night don't recognize me during the day. 

I meet the most interesting people out in the world. Just from going to Starbucks a lot I met a few women who are cool as all get out. If you are standing next to me in line, or at the shoe store, ima talk to ya.


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## working_together

I'm not too keen on getting male attention, it just seems like they have ulterior motives etc. I do like to get into a good conversation, and have the person respect my mind, and then if I feel respected that way, I may feel more comfortable with the flirting.

I definately want the attention from the man I'm with or dating, it's really important for me to feel wanted and attractive from him only.

Interestingly, a couple of weeks ago I was picking something up at the store, I got out of my car and noticed this guy looking at me, we locked eyes for a few seconds, then I went into the store. I came out, and here he was still in his car. He was totally hot though....lol. I didn't even smile....lol blah


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## SaltInWound

I like the attention, because after 2 decades of verbal/emotional abuse my stbx had me convinced nobody would ever be interested in me. It was not until after he was out of the picture that I realized it had been a very long time since I purposely looked at another man and I never made eye contact. It was as if I had blinders. Upon further thought, I realized my husband never wanted me to look at him. If I did, he would make some negative comment about my eyes or whatever. (btw, there is nothing wrong with my eyes. He is the one with the problem). That was a difficult habit to break. I have regained my confidence and I do like the attention. It proves him wrong.


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## SaltInWound

working_together said:


> Interestingly, a couple of weeks ago I was picking something up at the store, I got out of my car and noticed this guy looking at me, we locked eyes for a few seconds, then I went into the store. I came out, and here he was still in his car. He was totally hot though....lol. I didn't even smile....lol blah


Several weeks ago I was walking toward the entrance of the grocery store and I noticed this guy splitting off from his friends and running across the parking lot toward me to strike up conversation. At first, I thought he was going to grab my purse. I am not use to such an enthusiastic approach.


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## bubbly girl

I don't think I get stared at. If I do I'm clueless about it. lol


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## always_alone

I hate being ogled or cat-called. Makes me feel like a slab of meat, and I mostly dress down to forestall this. I don't mind a bit of friendly conversation, especially if he has something interesting to say. Sometimes I'll make random comments when I'm standing in a lineup or something --not really seeking male attention from it though. Just killing time and acknowledging folks (men and women) around me.

I also tend to be introverted, and more likely to be blasting out a leave-me-alone vibe than a come hither one.


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## tracyishere

It depends on the kind if attention. A whistle I find annoying and immature, a smile gets a smile back, pick up lines are lame, but humour.... Humour is my weakness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

If they're being genuinely friendly, I'm fine with that. If it crosses over into flirtatious territory, that's a different story. I'm not an introvert either. But I just have specific boundaries I don't like to have crossed. That doesn't mean I yell at them, or cuss them out for flirting. However, I do say things like "ehhhh... no." or "no thanks, I'm good" etc. Have I ever welcomed the attention? Absolutely. But now, I prefer NOT getting that sort of attention from anyone else.


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## 1971

I love getting attention, I don't get any at home so getting chatted up is wonderful. Great for the self esteem too.


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## GoBlue

LOVE it 

Always. It's so nice to have an ego boost, especially after a recent weight loss, or when you're feeling happy about things.

That said, I grew up with 2 brothers, and I am a bit of a tomboy or girl next door. So I always have a lot of male pals at work etc. (Many of them are gay actually  But it's always nice to have attention as long as it's not too inappropriate or sexual. The other day I walked into the post office and a friend (male) said, I really love that dress on you, blue is your color! I was happy all day


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## Rushwater

From a male perspective: I refuse to give attractive women ANY attention. I am so nauseatingly in love with my wife that I will not look at another woman in that way ever again. My wife, God bless her, hates attention from other men and chooses to dress conservatively out of respect for me. This is not a judgement on women that love the attention, but I hope that your man is giving you the most attention! My marriage is not perfect, but I do feel like she and I are together in a bubble most of the time and that's fine by me.


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## Holland

Rushwater said:


> From a male perspective: I refuse to give attractive women ANY attention. I am so nauseatingly in love with my wife that I will not look at another woman in that way ever again. My wife, God bless her, hates attention from other men and chooses to dress conservatively out of respect for me. *This is not a judgement on women that love the attention, but I hope that your man is giving you the most attention!* My marriage is not perfect, but I do feel like she and I are together in a bubble most of the time and that's fine by me.


Oh yes he does, he compliments me all the time and the way he looks at me makes me melt.
When we are together I get far less obvious attention, he is very tall and broad, most guys would be smart enough to leave well alone.
He gets a lot of female attention when we are out which I very much like


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## NextTimeAround

My fiance tells me that he sees men checking me out all the time. I think this finally convinced him to drop the old lady jokes. They weren't that funny anyway. Maybe he realised that I could snag someone even younger than he is.


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## ScarletBegonias

Contrary to popular belief around Tam,I'm not that thrilled with male attention bc I don't know how to react.I either come off entirely too flirty bc I'm trying to take a compliment graciously or I come off stuck up and rude bc I'm trying to take a compliment graciously.

IRL I do things that make me feel pretty and sexy regardless of how much or how little attention I get from the opposite sex.

If someone approaches me to hit on me I feel anxious and extremely vulnerable.Sort of put on the spot when I was just minding my own business.I don't like it.


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## Jellybeans

It's flattering, for sure. 

If it's rude though, that is different.

If it's sweet/kind, that is another thing.


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## FemBot

I am indifferent to it. I don't actively try to get it, so never dress sexy. Sometimes I don't know why I get so much attention when I am not trying. Makes me wonder how some women navigate the world they are so gorgeous!!

I want to ask the married ladies what they do when a man is making eye contact? Sometimes I will have a guy sort of trying to make eye contact with me. I will usually look once but then look away and ignore but feel them still looking or trying to catch my eye again. Do you just ignore? Smile? If it was a woman I would smile back but I don't do that with men and I feel bad about not being open with them.


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## ScarletBegonias

I turn red and ignore. lol


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## SaltInWound

I only make eye contact once and continue with what I am doing.


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## Faithful Wife

I just don't make eye contact at all, so even if they are trying to I don't see them.


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## committed4ever

ScarletBegonias said:


> I turn red and ignore. lol


Me too. But full disclosure I never been with anyone but my H other than a couple of puppy love early high school crushes. The date who took me to the prom was a nerd that I tried to have as a boyfriend as some point but I just wasn't feeling him in that way. He french kiss me once but it was HORRIBLE. 

So any hint of a man looking at me in a sexual observing way is either annoying or extremely uncomfortable.


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## FemBot

SaltInWound said:


> I only make eye contact once and continue with what I am doing.


This is what I do too. I don't smile like I would a woman which is kind of sad...as if smiling might invite unwanted contact or something. I wonder how men feel about this. 

Faithful Wife do you not make eye contact with anyone? I find it is a reflex action if someone is looking at me to look back.


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## Coffee Amore

Rushwater said:


> .This is not a judgement on women that love the attention, but I hope that your man is giving you the most attention!


Absolutely. He gives me a lot of attention. 
It's his attention that means the most, but I still appreciate harmless, non-aggressive attention, but I don't seek it out in the way I dress or behave.


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## Pandakiss

If someone is trying to make eye contact, I just give a tight lipped smile and a head nod, the quick head nod that says, yes I see you, but don't bother me. 

I'm not that cute. But I dress cute, and I wear fvck me shoes that my husband just enjoys. Sadly not since my teens has anybody told me anything about my looks. 

Someone asked if we, as married women, get the same attention from our husbands....yes I do, and then some. We are constantly hugging and touching each other, indoors and out. We hold hands, link arms, arms around waists. We have regular dates. We talk and communicate everyday.


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## Faithful Wife

Pandakiss...now that I'm reading your post...I don't think men mention anything about a woman's looks, in general. They always use another excuse to talk to a woman.

I don't mean the random yell from a car window "hey nice t*ts, baby!"....that crap doesn't even count.

But in normal situations, if a man is approaching me to talk or hit on me...I know he is "eyeing" me, my body, my face, whatever...even though what he SAYS when he approaches me will proabably be "those are great shoes" or similar.

It is just an ice breaker. If they could walk up and say "those t*ts are great", they would.

Once in awhile, I'll get a straight up "you're beautiful" or something, and when that happens it is usually a man who isn't hitting on me, he just is commenting or complimenting for some other reason (like a grandpa type guy).

The ones who are hitting on you, say something to disarm you or charm you.

It is all the same.


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## SaltInWound

I think the oddest thing that has ever happened to me was when I worked at a video store 20 years ago. I worked the late night shift and we had this guy who was always one of the last customers every Saturday. He would hang around and chat. Nice guy. One night just before closing he approached me at the checkout counter and asked me if I wanted to come work for him. I asked him "Doing what?". He told me he ran an escort service and with my petite figure and red hair, I would be highly in demand.  I declined.


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## samyeagar

greenpearl said:


> When other men pay a lot of attention to you, it is flattering. It means you are attractive.
> 
> Do I feel flattered? YES! Do I secretly like it? YES!
> 
> Am I interested in them? NO. Would I want to talk to them? NO.
> 
> *And sometimes you get these ugly or old men stare at you, it is actually disgusting*.


So you only like the attention from guys you find attractive...so there has to be some interest initially for you to like the attention...


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## ntamph

There was a time when I would not have been able to handle flirting or what I perceived as flirting by a partner. It's a ridiculous position because an attractive woman will attract male attention. Most men (including me) would say that they want a fun and sociable woman who has a life outside of relationships and this means that she is comfortable around men and flirting.

I have to work on this aspect of myself because I don't want to be a controlling freak. I would enjoy attention from women if I were in a relationship (not with cheating in mind but a self esteem boost) so I'm a huge hypocrite if I can't handle it happening to my SO. Women do not die when they enter a relationship and I think that attempting to stifle a woman's life outside of her relationship (like innocent flirting) is a result of the suppression of women's' sexuality that has existed in history and still exists today.

I don't need to help perpetuate this so I need to change my thinking and become more confident that a woman who needs social interaction (even gentle flirting) is not going anywhere and suppressing her like this will probably drive her away.


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## MambaZee

samyeagar said:


> So you only like the attention from guys you find attractive...so there has to be some interest initially for you to like the attention...


For me, no. I've had 90 year-old men and 11 year-old boys say things to me that ranged from "call me" to "you're cute."  Usually, I think it's pretty funny. Even when a guy says to me "you're pretty" or something along those lines, while it's flattering, I can definitely do without. It only means something to me when my H says it.


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## Faithful Wife

samyeagar...not speaking for greenpearl but...speaking when I was single, no, there doesn't have to be some interest initially for me to like the attention. What there has to be is some kind of chance in hell that me and the man giving me attention are even in the same MARKET.

By that I mean...creepy old men checking me out was like "Really dude? You think I'm going to be flattered or what?"

Creepy TOO YOUNG men checking me out was like "Really dude? I could be your mother and that makes me wanna hurl".

If they are checking you out in a stealth manner, ONLY for their own eye pleasure...then we'll never know the difference and that doesn't bother me.

But when they are checking you out AND trying to make eye contact AND outright staring AND clearly it is a sexual interest they have in you AND they are no where near your market...then it is not only gross but also intimidating and frightening.


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## camillaj

I don't really enjoy it. Most men have only one thing in mind. To be honest I prefer chatting with women instead and when another woman compliments your looks they usually don't have an ulterior motive like men do.


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## ntamph

camillaj said:


> I don't really enjoy it. Most men have only one thing in mind. To be honest I prefer chatting with women instead and when another woman compliments your looks they usually don't have an ulterior motive like men do.


I understand where you're coming friend. A lot of men only have female friends that they would want to sleep with. I once dismissed street harassment directed towards women as something silly to be angry about because "A guy would appreciate a little sexual harassment" but I now realize that this is a disgusting position. Unwanted attention can make a person feel uncomfortable. 

I am afraid to hit on women without some indicator of interest. These are hard to read sometimes. I wish that low quality men didn't ruin the chances for meaningful interaction between normal men and women.


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## Holland

FemBot said:


> I am indifferent to it. I don't actively try to get it, so never dress sexy. Sometimes I don't know why I get so much attention when I am not trying. Makes me wonder how some women navigate the world they are so gorgeous!!
> 
> I want to ask the married ladies what they do when a man is making eye contact? Sometimes I will have a guy sort of trying to make eye contact with me. I will usually look once but then look away and ignore but feel them still looking or trying to catch my eye again. Do you just ignore? Smile? If it was a woman I would smile back but I don't do that with men and I feel bad about not being open with them.


I smile because to me smiling makes the world go round. I am not talking about rude or vulgar type of attention, certainly would not smile at a neanderthal type of man but a guy that simply likes the way you look is not doing anyone any harm, why not smile at them?


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## Faithful Wife

To me, a smile is a form of communication.

I don't communicate with men who are eye-raping me.

I know when someone is eye-raping me because I have Sex-dar. Even if they are very subtle about it and are just smiling at me. I know the difference.

I do smile at everyone else, like FF said. Even guys who are POLITELY checking me out IF I happen to be looking in their direction. But the eye-rapers get a cold stone face from me, no eye contact, and terse body language.


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## ASummersDay

I remember a man once said, in response to a question about how easily he got turned on, "hell, a couple of melons in a store or a hole in a tree can do it for me." 

Sssoooo...with that in mind, I really don't value men's visual attention at all. My husband points it out often when I'm being checked out. I don't feel flattered by it. It's really not that big of a deal. If a guy is really obvious about it, I find it more annoying/creepy than anything.

Now, when my husband looks at me...that's different. He sees my t&a for sure, but he also sees me as much more than that. He sees me as the strong, intelligent, caring, crazy woman that I am and that he loves. That's the kind of attention I value.


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## tracyishere

Who am I kidding! I lied in my previous post. I love attention, all kinds. I don't care if you blow your horn at me or tell me I'm beautiful. It makes me feel good about myself. And I love it. Sure I may go home later and laugh about it. But, it made me laugh, smile and feel desired. It's all good. Plus my H loves the attention I get too. It makes him proud that he is my man and I get to go home and rock his world!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoseAglow

Fun, flirty, tasteful male attention? Sure, it is all good, all fun. I am 40+ and married, it's not a common occurrence these days. My DH is more likely to notice than I am- he just informed me today that I was getting checked out. He's not offended, he thinks it's cool, and I'm not offended, it's not going to go anywhere. I am not interested in doing any intense flirtation, unless it's with my DH.


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## arbitrator

greenpearl said:


> When other men pay a lot of attention to you, it is flattering. It means you are attractive.
> 
> Do I feel flattered? YES! Do I secretly like it? YES!
> 
> Am I interested in them? NO. Would I want to talk to them? NO.
> 
> And sometimes you get these ugly or old men stare at you, it is actually disgusting.


But even so, if something should spontaneously spark in the getting of that attention with the right person, in the right circumstances, under quite favorable conditions, then that's how covert affairs begin!

And please don't even try to deny it! I'm sorry, but the pages of TAM are more than running rampant with the painful evidence of secretive affairs, that many a betrayed spouse doesn't even begin to have one single clue about!


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## Coffee Amore

arbitrator said:


> But even so, if something should spontaneously spark in the getting of that attention with the right person, in the right circumstances, under quite favorable conditions, then that's how covert affairs begin!
> 
> And please don't even try to deny it! I'm sorry, but the pages of TAM are more than running rampant with the painful evidence of secretive affairs, that many a betrayed spouse doesn't even begin to have one single clue about!


If one spends enough time in the CWI section of TAM then anything, whether it's losing weight or getting new stylish clothes or working out or getting a new cell phone, are all red flags for an affair. 

Give the women who said they find innocent attention flattering some credit. None of them said they would act on any attention. ACTING on attention is a whole different thing from noticing it and who wouldn't notice if you have decent eyesight? I think you're not giving some of us credit for having restraint and morals. People can still have boundaries and good morals while they enjoy attention from the other gender. I'm not so brainless that a simple grin or witty remark is going to erode personal standards I have for myself as a wife and woman. We're not clueless immoral women despite what a core group of male posters on TAM may think.

We are human not because of our passions and instincts, but we are human because we can master and control our passions and instincts. A dog, when it feels thirsty, will drink from the toilet and think nothing of it, no matter what's floating in there. And we're mammals too like that dog, and can indeed become hydrated by doing what the dog does. But we don't. We are capable, and we can put our instincts on hold and wait until we get a glass and pour water into it from the faucet in the kitchen. If your water is shut off or there is a problem with your plumbing, and there is only a drip coming out, do you go thrust your head into the toilet and take a long slow drink? No, right? At least I hope not.


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## Holland

arbitrator said:


> But even so, if something should spontaneously spark in the getting of that attention with the right person, in the right circumstances, under quite favorable conditions, then that's how covert affairs begin!
> 
> And please don't even try to deny it! I'm sorry, but the pages of TAM are more than running rampant with the painful evidence of secretive affairs, that many a betrayed spouse doesn't even begin to have one single clue about!


Deny, deny, denying it. I have never cheated, am loyal to a fault. I like male attention and yes i even flirt, to me it is all harmless. I refuse to live in a negative world where people are so paranoid that they can't even look at other people without it being deemed inappropriate.


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## Faithful Wife

I openly admit I LOVED it before I got with my current H...I gave it out as well as I got it. Yelled "gimme your number!" to hot girls and boys out my car window anytime I pleased. When people turned to see who was yellin' at them, they typically looked shocked and amused when it was little ol' me. I wore short skirts, high heels, open cleavage. I'm a naturally shameless hussy. 

But I also enjoy the self-discipline that is required to NOT be like that. When I met my H, the nature of our relationship made it obvious that he wasn't going to be with an openly shameless hussy. He wants a classy lady. I was classy but I was a hussy, too, in the way I dressed. He just didn't want that on his arm, that's all.

So I had to tone it down. Lock myself down. Some of my friends were shocked that I would change the way I dress for him so as to not garner as much attention. All I could tell them was, it was so much more rewarding to be treated like a queen by him than it was to receive random attention from random men, brought on by my hussy clothes.

Then...I had to reign myself in on MY behavior in GIVING that attention, too. Gone are the days of yelling "gimme your number!" for sure. It takes self-discipline for me to keep that under wraps. I want to yell still, I just don't let myself go there. I just don't "look around" any more. Yes, I still notice hot people, though. I just don't get a thrill out of checking it out like I used to.

But...our relationship is just like that. It is a game we play. It isn't that we really worry so much about attention, getting it or giving it or whatever. We just enjoy the feeling of being locked down. There's a sexual buzz to it.


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## tracyishere

Ya I can see how it can worry a SO but my H never minded and still doesn't. In fact he encourages me to be provocative. I'm all for it. It's fun and it kinda arouses us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

Some ramblings on this subject...

I am not one of these wives who get the claws out if my husband talks to a pretty woman or a stranger strikes up a conversation with him...I'll just join in... or he gets all jealous & bent out of shape if a man starts talking to me....he'll just come over & join in too...

My friends have flattered /mildly flirted with him... ..his co-workers, a few of our friends flatter me... we are almost always together anyway..... I LOVE & adore my husband's attention over all...without this I would be very sad. 

*This is how we are*.... If someone shows friendliness out & about & appears of "good" character...we engage...We enjoy friendly people.... If someone seems creepy / inappropriate staring / shady / we suspect low character...we'd both try to move in another direction... Neither of us would SEEK attention...

But in saying this....Who doesn't enjoy receiving a flattering compliment now & then ....seriously? 

My grandfather is 96, he flatters every nurse that walks into his room... .it's entertaining to watch....Now I'm sure they'd rather be complimented by some hot stud.. but still.. I see how it lights up their faces, they laugh with him..... are they all thinking >> "I wish that old goat would tie his mouth shut" ... Somehow I don't think so. 

*Here is the dividing factor for me*... As a married woman, I should never be FISHING for compliments from men......and if I am...*shame on ME*! This would be very wrong....and my conscience knows this.... 

But going about my life....showing friendliness where others have opened up a conversation to me...dressing to how I feel GOOD about myself...(no boobs hanging out, mini skirts etc)...if some flattery comes my way/ compliments... yes, this would make me ... I don't mentally spit in the guys face , give a scowl, or because he is not as hot as the next guy -think to myself..."how disgusting".. I allow people to be people. 

I can't understand getting really annoyed by others giving attention/ compliments, some flattery... I would think ....

*1.* Either they enjoy being invisible (some introverts likely do feel this way)
*2.* They must be a real Beauty queen & have been beating drooling scoundrel's off with a stick a little too long
*3*. Had some "over the top" inappropriate things said to them in the past and see the majority of men as pigs...
*4*. Or hang in places/ circles where men have went beyond complimentary social banter to boundary pushing creep status (maybe even inappropriate touching in addition)... 

I have not had those type experiences......

It especially makes you feel good when someone younger is checking you out...my husband will notice...he'll give me the play by play...sure it gives me an ego boost at my age..hell, he thinks it's great too, gets a BIG charge out of it.

He will be 50 this year...I am itching up there...Time for the "Over the Hill" cake / jokes & cards/ colonoscopy too --- Lovely... The wrinkles, the sags, soon they will all be looking away.....so I'll  with any looks that come my direction....but again... this doesn't mean I am seeking it out.....as I have tried to explain...that would be very wrong on my end.


----------



## TiggyBlue

For me it really depends who's giving the attention, but yh it can be flattering.


----------



## soccermom2three

I guess it depends on the type of attention.

If it's rude or crude, then no. 

If it's done nicely, then yes. Heck, I'm 48 I'm going to take it.


----------



## samyeagar

TiggyBlue said:


> For me it really depends who's giving the attention, but yh it can be flattering.


I think it's this selectiveness in who is giving the attention that is troubling to me...I can understand certain types of attention being better than others, but let's suppose it is the same good attention...a friendly smile, hello, and once over...if it's an attractive guy, it's fine, but the exact same thing from an old guy, or not attractive guy, and it's creepy...that suggests something more than just enjoying the attention...


----------



## Phenix70

soccermom2three said:


> I guess it depends on the type of attention.
> 
> If it's rude or crude, then no.
> 
> If it's done nicely, then yes. Heck, I'm 48 I'm going to take it.


That's how I feel too, no matter if I'm single or married, it's all about delivery.
I'm in outside sales, a day doesn't go by that I don't get hit on.
It doesn't offend me, unless someone is right next to me & sees my rings, how would they know I'm married? 
I think nothing of it, thank the man for the compliment & go on about my day.
I'm married, love my H & I'm not looking to f*ck that up.


----------



## TiggyBlue

samyeagar said:


> I think it's this selectiveness in who is giving the attention that is troubling to me...I can understand certain types of attention being better than others, but let's suppose it is the same good attention...a friendly smile, hello, and once over...if it's an attractive guy, it's fine, but the exact same thing from an old guy, or not attractive guy, and it's creepy...that suggests something more than just enjoying the attention...


I do understand that but as much as it's natrual to look at someone who is attractive it's as natrual to assess who's looking at me.
I'm not going to lie when someone who is older or I'm not attracted to does look at me it doesn't feel very nice (if they are being very obvious, if not it doesn't bother or flatter me) but that's just my genetics way of telling me this is not a good match for me and someone I shouldn't in any way encourage (obviously if was single, body language is subconscious behavior). 
Considering body language is 80% non verbal someone who is looking you up and down says a lot. 
It's no more or less of a conscious decision on my part than it is to glance at someone I find attractive.


----------



## FemBot

samyeagar said:


> I think it's this selectiveness in who is giving the attention that is troubling to me...I can understand certain types of attention being better than others, but let's suppose it is the same good attention...a friendly smile, hello, and once over...if it's an attractive guy, it's fine, but the exact same thing from an old guy, or not attractive guy, and it's creepy...that suggests something more than just enjoying the attention...


I do agree. However in my experience it's usually the really unattractive older guys who are the creepiest. Sometimes I think it's because they have zero chance so they do whatever the hell they want. I once had an overweight unattractive guy blow me an air kiss, wink and mouth "hello baby" to me at a fairground. I mean seriously who does that? I can't imagine a very attractive guy doing that. I also had a friends unattractive overweight dad tell me "you are the best looking chick I've ever seen". Not AS creepy but still over the top inappropriate. 

If they were just being nice and polite it wouldn't be creepy at all to me no matter what they looked like.


----------



## samyeagar

Good looking well dressed guy accidentally bumps into you and says "Oh sorry. I love that necklace", smiles and keeps walking...older guy in a torn up t-shirt does exact same thing...just an example, substitute attractive guy and unattractive guy where appropriate...is one case nice and flattering, and the other creepy? Why?


----------



## TiggyBlue

Would be more flattered from the young good looking one but I would say the older unattractive one was creepy.


----------



## bubbly girl

Ok, I was originally thinking more along the lines of actually seeing men looking you up and down. I don't notice men doing that, but yes I've had some chat me up in the checkout line and such. I never considered they were interested in me though.

I smile alot so when I'm out in public I get alot of smiles be it old ladies, women my age or men. I just assume its a friendly response to me being friendly and smiling. So I guess technically I do get some male attention. lol When it's innocent attention like that it doesn't make me feel weird or uncomfortable.


----------



## Coffee Amore

samyeagar said:


> Good looking well dressed guy accidentally bumps into you and says "Oh sorry. I love that necklace", smiles and keeps walking...older guy in a torn up t-shirt does exact same thing...just an example, substitute attractive guy and unattractive guy where appropriate...is one case nice and flattering, and the other creepy? Why?


Same thing could be asked of men, couldn't it? Would they be more flattered if an attractive, well dressed woman smiled at them and gave a compliment or a much older, shabbily dressed woman who didn't appear to be taking care of herself?  I would guess most men would prefer the compliment from the attractive woman.

It's just human nature to prefer the comment and attention from the more attractive person. It's not something exclusive to females. Read any psychology magazine and you'll see studies showing attractive people are more likely to score jobs, better job offers, get more promotions than those who are unattractive. The preference for attractiveness is something that's in human nature. It's there from a young age. Studies of babies have shown they prefer symmetrical faces over faces with asymmetrical features.


----------



## Spinner

Holland said:


> We are always seeing posts here about women that are pissed with their men because they look at other women.
> 
> Would love to hear the other side of the equation.
> 
> ...
> 
> So tell me ladies, do you like the male attention?


I love getting male attention when it's not in a creepy "I'm undressing you with my eyes" sort of way. 

I used to be a waitress and a smile or wink is flattering, but saying "you're coming home with me tonight" or somesuch will get you kicked out.


----------



## Holland

Faithful Wife said:


> I openly admit I LOVED it before I got with my current H...I gave it out as well as I got it. Yelled "gimme your number!" to hot girls and boys out my car window anytime I pleased. When people turned to see who was yellin' at them, *they typically looked shocked and amused when it was little ol' me. I wore short skirts, high heels, open cleavage. I'm a naturally shameless hussy.
> *
> But I also enjoy the self-discipline that is required to NOT be like that. When I met my H, the nature of our relationship made it obvious that he wasn't going to be with an openly shameless hussy. He wants a classy lady. I was classy but I was a hussy, too, in the way I dressed. He just didn't want that on his arm, that's all.
> 
> So I had to tone it down. Lock myself down. Some of my friends were shocked that I would change the way I dress for him so as to not garner as much attention. All I could tell them was, it was so much more rewarding to be treated like a queen by him than it was to receive random attention from random men, brought on by my hussy clothes.
> 
> Then...I had to reign myself in on MY behavior in GIVING that attention, too. Gone are the days of yelling "gimme your number!" for sure. It takes self-discipline for me to keep that under wraps. I want to yell still, I just don't let myself go there. I just don't "look around" any more. Yes, I still notice hot people, though. I just don't get a thrill out of checking it out like I used to.
> 
> But...our relationship is just like that. It is a game we play. It isn't that we really worry so much about attention, getting it or giving it or whatever. We just enjoy the feeling of being locked down. There's a sexual buzz to it.


I've never been a shameless hussy or with a man that would want that type standing next to them. I do love my killer heels though, but I'm not a short skirt, let it all hang out type of woman.
I prefer feminine dresses but even if not in a dress I wear jeans and fitted tops, I like to show my shape but not my skin IYKWIM.


----------



## always_alone

ntamph said:


> I wish that low quality men didn't ruin the chances for meaningful interaction between normal men and women.



:iagree: I enjoy meaningful interactions, just not inappropriate leering or innuendo.

It's fairly easy for me because I couldn't flirt my way out of a wet paper bag even if I wanted to. So my interactions with men aren't any different than my interactions with women.

Puts me straight into the friendzone, which can suck when you're single, but is pretty great otherwise.


----------



## always_alone

Coffee Amore said:


> It's just human nature to prefer the comment and attention from the more attractive person.


Not convinced it is human nature per se, but certainly in this society the only real "skill" that seems to mean anything to anyone anymore is how hot you are.


----------



## FemBot

samyeagar said:


> Good looking well dressed guy accidentally bumps into you and says "Oh sorry. I love that necklace", smiles and keeps walking...older guy in a torn up t-shirt does exact same thing...just an example, substitute attractive guy and unattractive guy where appropriate...is one case nice and flattering, and the other creepy? Why?


I wouldn't find it creepy from either one. I would know that they were just trying to start a convo though because no man notices a necklace!


----------



## samyeagar

FemBot said:


> I wouldn't find it creepy from either one. I would know that they were just trying to start a convo though because no man notices a necklace!


I actually do notice things like that 



Coffee Amore said:


> Same thing could be asked of men, couldn't it? Would they be more flattered if an attractive, well dressed woman smiled at them and gave a compliment or a much older, shabbily dressed woman who didn't appear to be taking care of herself? I would guess most men would prefer the compliment from the attractive woman.
> 
> It's just human nature to prefer the comment and attention from the more attractive person. It's not something exclusive to females. Read any psychology magazine and you'll see studies showing attractive people are more likely to score jobs, better job offers, get more promotions than those who are unattractive. The preference for attractiveness is something that's in human nature. It's there from a young age. Studies of babies have shown they prefer symmetrical faces over faces with asymmetrical features.


I don't think a lot of men would react as the women here have described. I know I wouldn't. There is not a good looking=flattering/ugly=creepy decision made when a woman compliments me or hits on me. For me it is equally flattering. I have no reason to seperate them out because the only compliments that really matter to me are those from my STBW.


----------



## FemBot

samyeagar said:


> I actually do notice things like that  .



Do you compliment overweight unnattractive women on their necklaces? Or is that just reserved for the cute ones?

Sorry had to play devil's advocate


----------



## samyeagar

FemBot said:


> Do you compliment overweight unnattractive women on their necklaces? Or is that just reserved for the cute ones?
> 
> Sorry had to play devil's advocate


Even though that is the complete opposite subject of this thread...the question here was not do men base giving their compliments on whether the woman is attractive or not...it was whether or not women like male attention...a better question would have been am I flattered when an unattractive overweight woman compliments me...but I'll play along 

I have done just that actually. For the most part though, I don't compliment strange women even though I would likely fall into the group of men that women would like compliments from...for the very reasons brought out in this thread. I don't want to purposefully put myself up for judgement into the hell yes, compliment away, or he's creepy categories.


----------



## Jackie1607

I wonder what men feel if their wife or girlfriend gets attention. I sometimes feel bad for my boyfriend that I don't get attnetion from any men. It is not that I like attention; in fact, I don't like it at all. But I wonder if my boyfriend wants me to look attractive to others. 

On the other hand, I would get jealous if he got attention from girls. But it's funny he always gets attention or even compliments from GUYS! I suspect that is one of the reasons that I don't get attention from men. My boyfriend steals attention! Lol.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Jackie1607 said:


> I wonder what men feel if their wife or girlfriend gets attention. I sometimes feel bad for my boyfriend that I don't get attnetion from any men. It is not that I like attention; in fact, I don't like it at all. But I wonder if my boyfriend wants me to look attractive to others.
> 
> On the other hand, I would get jealous if he got attention from girls. *But it's funny he always gets attention or even compliments from GUYS!* I suspect that is one of the reasons that I don't get attention from men. My boyfriend steals attention! Lol.


Is your boyfriend a gay icon?


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I love getting attention from my husband. Which he is constantly giving since the day we met.  

When I was at the gym or running outside, I was always getting stopped by males. I kept mace(with tear gas) in my hands at all times when outside, which I used often on dogs that approached me. The day I forgot my mace was the day I was attacked. My cell phone fit in my running shorts. I hated getting interrupted on my runs and I would inform hubby each time. I preferred to run alone, so safety was an issue. I have really long blonde hair, so if someone glances at me, I look the other way. I don't smile or try to make eye contact. This does happen when I'm out and about. I prefer going out with my husband anyway.


----------



## canjad80

I generally like the attention. It really depends on the circumstances though.



Jackie1607 said:


> I wonder what men feel if their wife or girlfriend gets attention.


Just like everything - it depends on the individual. Some guys don't mind, others do.

My ex-husband and a previous boyfriend LOVED it when I got attention. It was a huge ego boost for them to be able to say, "Yeah, she's with me."

My most recent long-term relationship though, he HATED it with a passion. He would always get really insecure about it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Jackie1607 said:


> I wonder what men feel if their wife or girlfriend gets attention.


I asked my husband this the other day and was a bit surprised by his answer.. 
*he said he doesn't like it*.... I say surprised because he's NEVER been one to show any insecurities, or bother ....

He went on to explain it is about the *WHO* (a stranger) ...and "*Safety*" to him... if he doesn't know that person...it's about HIS  intentions. 

I never start conversations with a stranger out & about ... But if one starts one with me, I will respond...and enjoy a little "give & take"... in a grocery line, a wedding, a camp ground...anywhere people are gathered...he is normally close by and just comes over - if he sees this....as he should. 

When it comes to people we KNOW the character of (our friends), he explained ... this is a non issue, he doesn't care what flies out of their mouth to me, about me, he will laugh right with them, if some flattery is going on, he might throw a joke in there to add to it or cut me up - but in an endearing way of course.... 

The most obnoxious (why strangers are a concern) was in our younger years... some guy was obviously looking for a FIGHT...he walked up to both of us while we were going into a Mall...and asked me out right in front of my husband .... I handled that...and we walked away... 

Now some men might have decked him --- I wouldn't have wanted that...it wasn't necessary... what if he had a knife... ya know...Now if that guy would have touched me, he would have jumped him...he'd protect me.... we are just not the type to cause a scene...you just exit ... stay away from people like that as best you can.


----------



## Coffee Amore

Jackie1607 said:


> I wonder what men feel if their wife or girlfriend gets attention. I sometimes feel bad for my boyfriend that I don't get attnetion from any men. It is not that I like attention; in fact, I don't like it at all. But I wonder if my boyfriend wants me to look attractive to others.


I think it depends on how the attention is given. If it's from a distance and non-aggressive, my husband might be ok with it. But more than that would bother him. I remember once, about 12 years ago, we were at a party and a grad student I knew was coming on to me at the party right in front of my then boyfriend (now husband). It was weird. The other man totally ignored my husband even though he was seated next to me. He made no attempt to include my husband in the conversation. It was like he didn't exist. My husband didn't like that kind of disrespect. He took my hand and said "let's go (Coffee Amore).." and we left the party. I have to say I liked it when he did that. 



Jackie1607 said:


> On the other hand, I would get jealous if he got attention from girls. But it's funny he always gets attention or even compliments from GUYS! I suspect that is one of the reasons that I don't get attention from men. My boyfriend steals attention! Lol.


How funny.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I don't really see why there is an automatic assumption of "insecurity", just because a spouse may not want their spouse getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex.

Jealousy is natural in the animal kingdom. It is something we all have and can be used in a healthy manner. Being jealous and possessive does NOT necessarily imply insecurity. I am always baffled when people think it does.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Coffee Amore said:


> I think it depends on how the attention is given. If it's from a distance and non-aggressive, my husband might be ok with it. But more than that would bother him. I remember once, about 12 years ago, we were at a party and a grad student I knew was coming on to me at the party right in front of my then boyfriend (now husband). It was weird. *The other man totally ignored my husband even though he was seated next to me. He made no attempt to include my husband in the conversation. It was like he didn't exist. * My husband didn't like that kind of disrespect. He took my hand and said "let's go (Coffee Amore).." and we left the party. I have to say I liked it when he did that.


Your husband did the right thing....

But here is a question to you Coffee.... as I know how I would be... I'd pull my husband / BF into the conversation... I even DO this with friends... I have these parties at my house.. and if I sense someone is being left out - which happens - I always divert the attention to pull them in, ask them a question... throw something at them (verbally I mean)...to pull them in with the rest of us.. None of us like to feel left out ...

What better way for the wife/ GF to convey.... "Hey buddy...I'm with him.. & we're a team"... As really..this puts an end to any inappropriate attention, possible flirtation....also when our men are not there, to speak highly and often about our other halves...this dampers anything they might have wanted to spring.


----------



## Coffee Amore

SA. I know what you're saying and I have done the same when I felt others were excluding someone who should be included, but this was that kind of exclusion but there was an overt romantic interest in me. The man was kneeling at my feet whilst I was seated in a chair. There were empty chairs and cushions to sit on, but he insisted on kneeling near me. So I introduced my then boyfriend/now husband, but he just ignored him from the get go. It wasn't like he ignored my husband and we left instantly because of that. My husband is quite laid back and not easily offended. There was more that happened at that party. The way the other man seated himself, his posture (back to my husband and facing just me), ignoring anything my husband said, nonverbally this other man was putting my husband down and also putting down my relationship/connection with him like I was up for grabs if he could say the right thing. It's one of those things where you had to be there to see it. 
That was the only time something like this has happened at a party to us.


----------



## keeper63

I think if some guy was hitting on my wife while I was standing right there, without even acknowledging me, I would consider that extremely disrespectful, and would immediately go about the business of putting a dent in that guy's head.

Many years ago, I was sitting at a bar with my wife, and a young lady began to hit on me pretty hard, despite my wearing my wedding ring. I told her I was married, and that the lady sitting on my right was my wife. That didn't deter her one bit. She even made mention of how she thought my wife was very cute, and that she would be happy to include her in the fun.

My wife was none too happy about that. She told that girl that there wasn't enough liquor in the entire bar to get her drunk enough to get naked with her. The other girl was very put off by that, and as she stormed off, she told both of us how stupid we were to pass up the chance to have a three-way with her.

Funny how these things tend to work out...


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't really see why there is an automatic assumption of "insecurity", just because a spouse may not want their spouse getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex.
> 
> Jealousy is natural in the animal kingdom. It is something we all have and can be used in a healthy manner. Being jealous and possessive does NOT necessarily imply insecurity. I am always baffled when people think it does.


I agree with you.....a little rising jealousy is healthy, it stirs our passions for each other.......

Jealousy can be either GOOD or BAD... I feel this explains those dividing lines very well....



> Healthy and unhealthy jealousy
> 
> Jealousy. It affects every marriage at one time or another. In fact, in a nationwide survey, marriage counsellors said jealousy is a problem for one-third of all couples they counsel.
> 
> Whether it’s a mild or major case, jealousy can have a big impact on your relationship. You may feel jealousy when you experience the heightened threat from a rival. Most of us become jealous when we see our spouse having a great time with a person of the opposite sex – especially if that person seems a little too friendly. No matter how much your spouse may attempt to reassure you, another person’s interest in him or her raises all your red flags.
> 
> *Two types of jealousy*
> 
> Jealousy can be either healthy or unhealthy. Healthy jealousy is a means to guard your territory and comes from a sincere care and commitment to a relationship. On the other hand, unhealthy jealousy manifests itself through lies, threats, self-pity, and feelings of inadequacy, inferiority and insecurity.
> 
> *The good kind*
> 
> Healthy jealousy guards the heart of a marriage because it:
> 
> * shows your commitment to the relationship
> * protects your marriage by safeguarding the relationship against evil attacks
> * deepens your openness with each other and makes you accountable through honest communication
> * helps you confront major threats to your marriage and head them off before they become major problems
> 
> God calls you to respect your spouse’s jealousy that is a warning of danger ahead. If your spouse is a secure person and desires to protect your marriage against cracks, you need to listen. Confront the issue head-on by finding the reason for the jealousy, then making changes to keep you both out of danger.
> 
> *Wives*: Trust your husband’s instincts. He knows how men think, what they want and how they pursue it. So, it would be foolish of you not to heed his warning.
> 
> *Men*: Trust your wife’s instincts. If she suggests that another woman is behaving inappropriately, your wife is probably right. Most women have radar, an innate alertness to nonverbal communication and an ability to translate body language and tone into emotional facts. Your wife probably is able to see these things clearly, so don’t criticize or blame her warnings on insecurity.
> 
> *The bad*
> 
> Unhealthy jealousy is altogether different. It stems from comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate, unimportant, inferior and pitiful. Some spouses have experienced a lot of loss in life – whether divorce, death or abandonment in childhood – and they may bring unresolved issues into the relationship in the form of jealousy. Yet when a person carries this jealousy to pathological extremes, it will dominate a relationship.
> 
> A chronically jealous spouse will try to control a relationship through exaggeration, self-pity, lies, threats and/or manipulation. When the other partner resists, the jealous person reacts by becoming even more controlling. Then the other partner resists further by confiding in a friend or seeking relief outside the marriage. Sometimes this can become a downward spiral.
> 
> *Here are just some of the effects of unhealthy jealousy:*
> 
> * You doubt your spouse’s honesty and wrongfully accuse him or her, pushing your spouse away.
> * You feel worthless and unimportant.
> * You become frustrated and overwhelmed.
> * You have a desire to control.
> * You have less sexual intimacy with your spouse.
> * When jealousy becomes unhealthy it is destructive and frustrating to contend with. Love is not jealous and possessive. True love enables you to aim for what is best for the other person – not what is best for you.
> 
> So how do you deal with unhealthy jealousy in your marriage? Here are some tips for both spouses – whether you have or are a jealous spouse.
> 
> *If you have a jealous spouse:*
> 
> 1. Assess whether you are doing something that is provoking the jealousy.
> 2. Stop that activity or involvement for a time to show your spouse that you’re committed to your marriage relationship.
> 3. Be demonstrative in love toward your spouse.
> 4. Talk openly with your spouse about the problem. Get his or her take on it (the feelings may be legitimate), and work together to find a solution.
> 
> *If you are the jealous spouse:
> *
> 1. Listen to a few trusted friends. Your jealousy may be your own problem, not your spouse’s.
> 2. Be honest with yourself. Ask what is causing the feelings. Are you trying to manipulate?
> 3. Think about your spouse more positively. Jealous people use their anxious thoughts and suspicions as cues to misread anything that their spouses do.
> 4. Instead, take a deep breath and pray – for yourself and for your spouse.
> 5. Express your feelings to your spouse. Own up to your jealousy. Be honest without being blaming or manipulative.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

keeper63 said:


> I think if some guy was hitting on my wife while I was standing right there, without even acknowledging me, I would consider that extremely disrespectful, and would immediately go about the business of putting a dent in that guy's head.


 I just want to give the facts, I married a nice man.... he is not the type that gets up into another's face..... I don't see him as less of a man by any means -just cause he didn't roll down his sleeves...we are both* safety conscious* above anything else....and keep our wits... Not into showing we are King of the hill -we are careful to hang with Good people - we aren't going to give every D**K on the streets a lesson.. 

I'm on the same page...walk away from the A-hole unless he touches you,that is a boundary you simply don't cross. I see more common sense/ preservation in walking away. Not worth any amount of risk .... 

Where you see Pride/ the principle of the thing....... I see possible Blood, his glasses being ripped off, flattened tires, possible stalking / revenge... People like that are not worth looking over our shoulders for a comment...we'll survive. 



> Many years ago, I was sitting at a bar with my wife, and a young lady began to hit on me pretty hard, despite my wearing my wedding ring. I told her I was married, and that the lady sitting on my right was my wife. That didn't deter her one bit. She even made mention of how she thought my wife was very cute, and that she would be happy to include her in the fun.
> 
> My wife was none too happy about that. She told that girl that there wasn't enough liquor in the entire bar to get her drunk enough to get naked with her. The other girl was very put off by that, and as she stormed off, she told both of us how stupid we were to pass up the chance to have a three-way with her.
> Funny how these things tend to work out...


 I could see me saying something like that....Pretty good :smthumbup: .... I'm all for giving back a comment / a look of "Back off woman"... depending.... but I would walk away before a fist was lifted or hair was pulled .. We don't do bars... I've never even been drunk.


----------



## Jack I

committed4ever said:


> The date who took me to the prom was a nerd that I tried to have as a boyfriend as some point


Kudos to you for giving a nerd a chance


----------



## Jackie1607

LanieB said:


> My husband was never very attentive to me, and over the past few years I seemed to have become invisible to him. I found out last fall he'd been having an affair. I'll be honest, if it weren't for the attention I get from strangers, I would feel like the ugliest, most unattractive loser on the planet. I guess it's sad to say that yeah, I enjoy the attention.


I think as long as it boosts your confidence, you should enjoy getting attention. Although I wrote above that I didn't like attention, if I got a lot more attention, I would be different. 
I'm sure my self esteem would be higher. 

One day when I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up on the street, a guy came to me and said, "whoever you are waiting for is a lucky guy." "!!!!!!" I was elated because I never got such a compliment in my life. I almost told my boyfriend about it, but didn't. I don't know why, but such a compliment from a guy other than my own boyfriend excites me more.:scratchhead::


----------



## Jackie1607

NextTimeAround said:


> Is your boyfriend a gay icon?


Yes he is. When we walk on the so-called gay street (Christopher St in NYC), every man ogles his body. He is very muscular. But what I don't like about is that even straight men look at him, making me completely invisible. Sounds funny, but sometimes I seriously get jealous.


----------



## Anon Pink

At 50, I love getting male attention. 

My husband doesn't compliment and keeps a poker face, although he has much improved lately, so I soak up male attention like a sponge in the desert. I don't feel threatened anymore when a man pays attention and THAT in and of itself makes me feel great! 

After cancer I had reconstruction...so I've got freakin awesome tits that are not obviously surgically enhanced. I didn't want a lift because it felt like a woman my age is going to have some sag and I wanted the most natural looking rack...Mission accomplished!

Men looking at me...
Someone behind me making a funny face?
Is my zipper undone?
Spinnache in my teeth?
Nipples sticking out?
Have we met before?
Does my outfit not match?
Oh HEY they think I'm attractive! Awesome!


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## samyeagar

Jackie1607 said:


> I think as long as it boosts your confidence, you should enjoy getting attention. Although I wrote above that I didn't like attention, if I got a lot more attention, I would be different.
> I'm sure my self esteem would be higher.
> 
> One day when I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up on the street, a guy came to me and said, "whoever you are waiting for is a lucky guy." "!!!!!!" I was elated because I never got such a compliment in my life. I almost told my boyfriend about it, but didn't. *I don't know why, but such a compliment from a guy other than my own boyfriend excites me more*.:scratchhead::


That makes me sad  I hope my STBW doesn't feel the same way...that would hurt a lot.


----------



## thunderstruck

Anon Pink said:


> After cancer I had reconstruction...so I've got freakin awesome t*ts that are not obviously surgically enhanced.


I have nothing good to add to this thread, but I gotta say that this is the best line I've read on TAM today. :smthumbup:


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## Anon Pink

Were you referring to surviving? Yeah for science and surgical skills!

Were you referring to not obviously surgically enhanced? Yes, wise choice I made, thanks!

Were you referring to me loving my awesome rack? That is an accomplishment on my part, thanks!

Or we're you referring to my awesome rack? :woohoo: male attention! Love it!


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## thunderstruck

Anon Pink said:


> Were you referring to surviving? Yeah for science and surgical skills!
> 
> Were you referring to not obviously surgically enhanced? Yes, wise choice I made, thanks!
> 
> Were you referring to me loving my awesome rack? That is an accomplishment on my part, thanks!
> 
> Or we're you referring to my awesome rack? :woohoo: male attention! Love it!


Sorry, I have no clue what you're talking about. I read "awesome t*ts" in your post and my mind went blank for the next 10 mins. :scratchhead:


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## Anon Pink

:rofl:


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## doubletrouble

My W hates getting attention from other men, although I know (she doesn't say it) she also likes it. She's 44 and still totally hawt, and men look at her. She has what i call "animal attraction" because of the way she keeps herself fit, the way she moves, her face and her other womanly attributes. All natural beauty. 

She doesn't "dress up" to go to the store, or anywhere in public, unless it's date night. Then she turns it on, but still not by revealing clothes, but clothes that accetuate her attributes. She has a perfect body (in my expert opinion!), and men notice it. She give them nothing in return, and I appreciate that. 

She loves to show her love by feeding me too much great food, so since we've been together I am not the fit male example I was three years ago. But we've known each other 7 years, so she knows all about what I look like. 

In the past, I would flirt with women and get a lot of attention. I loved it. As a younger man I didn't even KNOW women were giving me the eye or were flirting, most of the time. I still miss it most of the time; W tells me she sees women smiling and checking me out all the time. 

One day we were in a store and a younger guy lowered his sunglasses and leered at her over the top of them. I didn't see this; he was sneaky enough. She told me later and although I'm not an angry or violent person, I wanted to go give him a piece of my mind. That's just crap. But like a story above, we prefer to walk away. Anyone touches her, this 6'6" man will get bigger, meaner, fast.


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## heartsbeating

Holland said:


> We are always seeing posts here about women that are pissed with their men because they look at other women.
> 
> Would love to hear the other side of the equation.
> 
> I am the first to admit I like getting attention from men, whether it is while on my bike and wearing lycra, at school pick up, out at the pub or other social event. Anywhere, the supermarket etc I simply enjoy getting the looks, smiles, hello's and chat ups.
> 
> So of course it would be hypocritical of me to get all annoyed with Mr H when he notices other women, smiles or chats to them. I am also good with him flirting within boundaries.
> 
> So tell me ladies, do you like the male attention?


I've been flirtatious in the past, enjoyed attention and banter. On occasion, that wasn't great for us. I thought it was "part of my personality" and defended it. Until I really considered why and then started letting go of that need within myself and stopped. 

I think it was last year when we were out to lunch, street food style, and parted to go to the different vendors for what we wanted. I'd had one of my awkward moments while ordering which turned into joking with the guys at the stand. I turned to notice hubs watching me from a distance. He said something along the lines of how he saw the guys laughing and chatting with me and he felt lucky to have a charming wife. I felt touched to hear this and knew I wasn't being flirtatious. Charming, I like that. But most of all, I liked the attention my husband gave me upon return. It feels more honest now. 

To answer your question...I'm not keen on attention in the way that I used to. I do however appreciate chivalry; and compliments are nice to receive from both men and women.


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## heartsbeating

FemBot said:


> I want to ask the married ladies what they do when a man is making eye contact? Sometimes I will have a guy sort of trying to make eye contact with me. I will usually look once but then look away and ignore but feel them still looking or trying to catch my eye again. Do you just ignore? Smile? If it was a woman I would smile back but I don't do that with men and I feel bad about not being open with them.


The only time I notice eye contact is traveling on the train, to/from work as I tend to glance who's around me for safety. I catch eye contact in those moments. I've not really considered that as being checked-out. I guess if I feel someone's extended gaze (extremely rare), I go more on guard and check if they get off the same stop as me and that kind of thing. I wouldn't smile back for similar reason. I can't remember that ever happening.


----------



## SurpriseMyself

If its purely physical, which I assume is what you mean considering that this is just a guy checking out your goods, then I do not care for it. 

Men keep a mental Rolodex of images that are sexual to them that they can then pull up at will as needed. They are very physically driven, but I am more than my physical state and I do NOT respect a man who is interested in only my physical side. I am not a side of beef and one day when I'm old I won't be much more than my shell and my soul. If I'm valuable today for my outside, am I still valuable when my shell has wilted? For me, I am valuable yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Valuable for my soul, my personality, but not for my shell.


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## silentghost

My h never compliments me on anything...so I don't expect compliments from anyone... least of all from the opposite sex.
Several years ago, I recieved a genuine compliment from this good looking doctor who liked me in my uniform ( I am a medic). I politely said thanks and went to my station. Honestly.... I was on a high for the rest of the day. 
Yes...genuine compliments from the opposite sex can do me wonders.


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## heartsbeating

And then after posting on this thread, I was in the elevator at work. Everyone had exited except me and a guy. The elevator is all mirrored. Waiting to reach my floor, I glanced to the time, media display, and him. Eye contact. He smiled. I smiled back then exited...the wrong way...striding towards the window at the end of the lobby instead of the office. Elevator door was still open with him standing there. Felt myself blush, awkwardly turned back towards the office instead, heard him chuckle. 

Welcome to my world! It's full of awkward human moments


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## totallywarped

haha my DH and I were just talking about this, he's a little bitter that when he compliments me I'm skeptical but when a stranger compliments me I'm giddy. I told him he has a motive to compliment me. Happy wife = happy husband BUT a stranger has little motive he just says what he's thinking! So yes I love any extra attention (which I don't seem to get w/this damn ring on :/ )


----------



## Bellavista

Personally, I don't like it and never have. I will talk to the husbands of my friends if they are around, I will talk to a male sitting next to me somewhere if I have to, but I certainly don't seek out male attention.

I do have a married friend who seems to desperately seek out male attention. She hones in on them at gatherings, and one that she particularly likes to talk to is my H. Grrrr. Anyway, I do know for the most part she is harmless, and I do know that this male seeking attention has cost her a number of female friends. She is is in her late 30's and even flirts lightly with my sons in their early 20's.

I figure she has some kind of issues that leads her to this type of behaviour, I do know her father is a serial cheater and a charmer. I met him recently and thought him a bit slimy, but I can see that other women would love him. Maybe that has something to do with my friend's behaviour, who knows..


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## Anon Pink

heartsbeating said:


> And then after posting on this thread, I was in the elevator at work. Everyone had exited except me and a guy. The elevator is all mirrored. Waiting to reach my floor, I glanced to the time, media display, and him. Eye contact. He smiled. I smiled back then exited...the wrong way...striding towards the window at the end of the lobby instead of the office. Elevator door was still open with him standing there. Felt myself blush, awkwardly turned back towards the office instead, heard him chuckle.
> 
> Welcome to my world! It's full of awkward human moments



That is soooo something I would do. I do enjoy male attention but it leaves me so flustered most of the time. IRL, unless I'm with other women, I avoid it because I know I will end up looking like a complete idiot. But I still enjoy it the few times I recognize it...after checking my zipper, something in my teeth, someone behind me...


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## anonim

The amount of people lying in this thread is staggering!


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## Dad&Hubby

totallywarped said:


> haha my DH and I were just talking about this, he's a little bitter that when he compliments me I'm skeptical but when a stranger compliments me I'm giddy. I told him he has a motive to compliment me. Happy wife = happy husband BUT a stranger has little motive he just says what he's thinking! So yes I love any extra attention (which I don't seem to get w/this damn ring on :/ )


Ouch. My exwife was like this.

NOTHING is more insulting than when you try and show your love, appreciation, affection or attraction (based on the compliment) for your wife only to have her disregard it. Basically calling you a liar.

Then SOAK UP the same compliment from a stranger.

Talk about a slap in the face. Easiest solution for me was stop complimenting her. 

Compliments are heart felt outwards expressions of appreciation. Feels great when the other person stomps on it.


----------



## samyeagar

Dad&Hubby said:


> Ouch. My exwife was like this.
> 
> NOTHING is more insulting than when you try and show your love, appreciation, affection or attraction (based on the compliment) for your wife only to have her disregard it. Basically calling you a liar.
> 
> Then SOAK UP the same compliment from a stranger.
> 
> *Talk about a slap in the face. Easiest solution for me was stop complimenting her*.
> 
> Compliments are heart felt outwards expressions of appreciation. Feels great when the other person stomps on it.


eeeeeeeYep.

And so many women are just like that too. We've heard from a few on this very thread.


----------



## omgitselaine

Yes of course  what women wouldn't especially from a good looking male? 

I'd appreciate the attention but that would be as far as it would go.


----------



## couple

I don't understand women very well related to this topic.

My wife has sometimes been delighted and flattered by unsolicited male attention and at other times she's been totally disgusted by it.

Obviously there are different kinds of attention from different types of guys so I can understand why she might like some and not like others. However, there doesn't seem to be any pattern to it. I see no rhyme or reason to why some of these encounters delight her and others make her hate the male species. Maybe she's feeling different about herself at different times? Maybe there are difference so subtle in the guys or the situation that she doesn't really understand it herself (some just make her feel good and others make her feel bad and there's really little explanation).

For example, the other day some unattractive guys made a comment as she passed (making no effort to avoid her hearing) that they'd like to have sex with her. She was flattered and it really made her day. Another time in a similar situation, a less barbaric comment from a group of guys could be heard - something like 'looking good' or 'hot stuff'. She was disgusted by this - 'men are pigs', etc. I don't understand it!


----------



## samyeagar

couple said:


> I don't understand women very well related to this topic.
> 
> My wife has sometimes been delighted and flattered by unsolicited male attention and at other times she's been totally disgusted by it.
> 
> Obviously there are different kinds of attention from different types of guys so I can understand why she might like some and not like others. However, there doesn't seem to be any pattern to it. I see no rhyme or reason to why some of these encounters delight her and others make her hate the male species. Maybe she's feeling different about herself at different times? Maybe there are difference so subtle in the guys or the situation that she doesn't really understand it herself (some just make her feel good and others make her feel bad and there's really little explanation).
> 
> For example, the other day some unattractive guys made a comment as she passed (making no effort to avoid her hearing) that they'd like to have sex with her. She was flattered and it really made her day. Another time in a similar situation, a less barbaric comment from a group of guys could be heard - something like 'looking good' or 'hot stuff'. She was disgusted by this - 'men are pigs', etc. * I don't understand it*!


I don't think they do either  Some of the women here have denied it, but others have confirmed it...the attention is good if they find the guy attractive on some level, but bad if they don't. We've even had some say they like it more from strange men than from their own SO. For me, if my STBW felt that way, she would no longer be my STBW. If I'm the one who is putting in the effort in my relationship with her, I'd damn well better be the one she likes the attention from the most.


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## Created2Write

I like it, but to a certain degree. Harmless flattery from someone I don't see or interact with on a daily basis? Sure. Potentially dangerous flatter and flirtation from someone I work with/know? Nope. Don't like it. 

Recently I've had two experiences with the former; one was at a restaurant. My husband had forgotten his ID at home, so he drove home to get it. A guy who worked there walked into the bar, saw me sitting by myself all dolled up and said, "You look lovely tonight! Is it a self-date night? Getting your drink on?" It was rather sweet and made me smile and laugh. 

The second was much more obvious, and was actually closer to outright hitting on me, but was amusing nonetheless; hubby and I had just finished moving, and I went to the store for some things. This guy working a portrait booth says, "I feel like I've already harassed you today..."
I looked at him confusedly and shook my head. 
He said, "Oh, we'll I'll harass you now." He proceeded to tell me about the deals his company was offering on portraits. I smiled and told him I'd just moved and didn't have any money. 
He said, "I take cards."
I said, "My credit card is all maxed out. I'm sorry."
He sighed and said, "How are you gonna take me out for coffee then?"
I tried not to be too obvious about how shocked I was, but man! I haven't been hit on that strongly in my life! And I didn't have any makeup on, my hair was a mess from moving...I'm pretty sure I smelled...I just laughed and didn't say anything, so he said, "But then your bf or husband would be pretty upset, huh?"
I went to show him I was married and realized I'd taken my ring off for the move and forgotten to put it back on! Still, I said that, yes, my husband wouldn't be too happy and he was genuinely disappointed. 

Poor guy. He was attractive, too. Made me feel sky high. I'm sure it was mostly for his job, to boost his sales, but still.


----------



## samyeagar

Created2Write said:


> I like it, but to a certain degree. Harmless flattery from someone I don't see or interact with on a daily basis? Sure. Potentially dangerous flatter and flirtation from someone I work with/know? Nope. Don't like it.
> 
> Recently I've had two experiences with the former; one was at a restaurant. My husband had forgotten his ID at home, so he drove home to get it. A guy who worked there walked into the bar, saw me sitting by myself all dolled up and said, "You look lovely tonight! Is it a self-date night? Getting your drink on?" It was rather sweet and made me smile and laugh.
> 
> The second was much more obvious, and was actually closer to outright hitting on me, but was amusing nonetheless; hubby and I had just finished moving, and I went to the store for some things. This guy working a portrait booth says, "I feel like I've already harassed you today..."
> I looked at him confusedly and shook my head.
> He said, "Oh, we'll I'll harass you now." He proceeded to tell me about the deals his company was offering on portraits. I smiled and told him I'd just moved and didn't have any money.
> He said, "I take cards."
> I said, "My credit card is all maxed out. I'm sorry."
> He sighed and said, "How are you gonna take me out for coffee then?"
> I tried not to be too obvious about how shocked I was, but man! I haven't been hit on that strongly in my life! *And I didn't have any makeup on, my hair was a mess from moving...I'm pretty sure I smelled*...I just laughed and didn't say anything, so he said, "But then your bf or husband would be pretty upset, huh?"
> I went to show him I was married and realized I'd taken my ring off for the move and forgotten to put it back on! Still, I said that, yes, my husband wouldn't be too happy and he was genuinely disappointed.
> 
> Poor guy. He was attractive, too. Made me feel sky high. I'm sure it was mostly for his job, to boost his sales, but still.


And you were probably dressed pretty casually too...yoga or sweats, shorts maybe and a tshirt? Yeah, that and what I bolded is pretty damn smokin HOT to a lot of guys..well to me anyway 

I understand it feeling good because of course it does. My issue is when women use that flattery to cause jealousy in their spouse or flat out want it from other men rather than their husband, or enjoy it more that way.


----------



## soccermom2three

Dad&Hubby said:


> Ouch. My exwife was like this.
> 
> NOTHING is more insulting than when you try and show your love, appreciation, affection or attraction (based on the compliment) for your wife only to have her disregard it. Basically calling you a liar.
> 
> Then SOAK UP the same compliment from a stranger.
> 
> Talk about a slap in the face. Easiest solution for me was stop complimenting her.
> 
> Compliments are heart felt outwards expressions of appreciation. Feels great when the other person stomps on it.


I do not understand why some women are like this at all. When my husband compliments me it totally makes my day. I've never felt like there's an ulterior motive when he compliments but then he's a very straight forward kind of guy.

At work I share an office with another woman. Today she had a client come in to sign some paperwork and after he left, she said, "That guy was checking yoouuu out the whole time he was here. I thought he was going to get a crick in his neck the way he was constantly looking to his right." I was totally oblivious but I'm glad she told me. It's nice to get a little boost like that.


----------



## ScattyKatty

I personally like compliments best from my hubbie :-D 
However I like them in general to from others as well (as long as they aren't crude). 

I also know my husband looks at women and that really doesn't bother me. 
People don't stop noticing the opposite sex when they get married. 
The point is that he doesn't disrespect me by ogling other women in front of me (yes I've noticed a glance and then a guilty look when he notices he's been caught peeking lol). If he started whistling women or complimenting a other woman's sexual appeal in front of me then Yea that would bother me because it would show a complete lack of respect for me. 

I've also noticed other men looking at me (as I can't help my eyes being drawn to a particularly good looking man if he walks past). 
I'm sure my husband knows thus as well. 

Some people think that their spouse needs to become asexual we they get married to remain emotionally faithful. 
That is isn't true though because fidelity steams again back to respect for you spouse to be faithful.

Anyone that says they don't notice a beautiful or handsome person is lying to themselves and their other half's. 

Anyone that feels threatened needs to do themselves why?


----------



## Dad&Hubby

couple said:


> I don't understand women very well related to this topic.
> 
> My wife has sometimes been delighted and flattered by unsolicited male attention and at other times she's been totally disgusted by it.
> 
> Obviously there are different kinds of attention from different types of guys so I can understand why she might like some and not like others. However, there doesn't seem to be any pattern to it. I see no rhyme or reason to why some of these encounters delight her and others make her hate the male species. Maybe she's feeling different about herself at different times? Maybe there are difference so subtle in the guys or the situation that she doesn't really understand it herself (some just make her feel good and others make her feel bad and there's really little explanation).
> 
> For example, the other day some unattractive guys made a comment as she passed (making no effort to avoid her hearing) that they'd like to have sex with her. She was flattered and it really made her day. Another time in a similar situation, a less barbaric comment from a group of guys could be heard - something like 'looking good' or 'hot stuff'. She was disgusted by this - 'men are pigs', etc. I don't understand it!


The ones she's flattered by are the ones she thinks are attractive, the ones she's disgusted by she doesn't.

Pretty simple.


----------



## julianne

If I see a guy check me out and just smile it is always a nice ego boost, especially if I am feeling a mess that day. But I really dislike it and feel creeped out when guys try to talk to me and I hear pickup lines, I can't believe it! They can clearly see that I am married and they try this stuff!! What is wrong with them? Why do men do this?

Usually I guess I am pretty oblivious. Yesterday I was out with my husband and saw a guy looking so I asked my husband "what is going on? The last three or four weeks I notice a lot of guys checking me out". He said, "honey, they always do. You just never noticed".

But you know what is even better than male attention? Female attention. Husband and I were at lunch and I left to go the ladies room, there was a woman sitting by us and as she left she told my husband " You have a very beautiful wife". Now that really made my day!


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## doubletrouble

W sees more women checking me out than I EVER EVER thought were. I never noticed so much. And guys check her out, and she's never complimented by it because 99.999 times out of 100 all they want is to see her naked.


----------



## I Notice The Details

Some ladies look for ways to get extra attention....On a flight several weeks ago, a flight attendant took notice of me when I boarded, smiled at me, and shortly after, offered to put a ladies suitcase in the overhead compartment right over the aisle seat I was sitting in. While putting the suitcase up there, she put her right breast right in my face...actual contact, and gave me a huge smile with eye contact as she closed the overhead bin. I was flattered by her boldness, and yes, she got my attention! She loved it, and I am not complaining either.


----------



## RedRose14

I Notice The Details said:


> Some ladies look for ways to get extra attention....On a flight several weeks ago, a flight attendant took notice of me when I boarded, smiled at me, and shortly after, offered to put a ladies suitcase in the overhead compartment right over the aisle seat I was sitting in. While putting the suitcase up there, she put her right breast right in my face...actual contact, and gave me a huge smile with eye contact as she closed the overhead bin. I was flattered by her boldness, and yes, she got my attention! She loved it, and I am not complaining either.


If you are half as dishy as your avatar Details who could blame her ... I think I'd have the urge to stick a boob or two in your face too

Seriously though, I get a lot less attention from men as I get older ... obviously I am less attractive. I have never actively gone looking for male attention but it is nice to be appreciated nonetheless. Hubby only compliments me when I do actually look nice ... there are no false compliments from him. Occasionally female friends will compliment me eg on an outfit I am wearing, but Scottish people are very reserved so we don't tend to gush over each other.


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## doubletrouble

Ah, I love Scotland and Scotland loves me. 
I went there and told some folks "you all have accents!"
Of course, they said it was ME who had the accent. 
Lovely people, from my experience (an American).


----------



## reesespieces

To be honest it always makes me uncomfortable. I've never thought of myself as pretty or even desirable so when men give me attention is am wondering what planet I am on. LOL


----------



## motherofone

I seem to get the most attention when running behind my jogging stroller. Or just running. I feel like I have to wear stuff that intentionally doesn't draw attention. Must be my biceps to be honest.


----------



## darshanice

Its only cool when they're hot. If they're old or creepy its annoying.


----------



## beachbabe

Used to love it when I was with my first H cause he didn't give me the time of day. Now that I'm truly in love with my second H, it scares me. I know where it can lead, and NO thank you! I just immediately look away or ignore them. (But am I secretly flattered? Yes, I look after myself and men notice; I still got it


----------



## 40isthenew20

If I see an attractive women, I like to look. I don't try to make it creepy for her or that I'm a felony waiting to happen, but a nod and a nice smile is innocent enough. And if I notice her doing it to me, it actually gives me that 'I still got it' feeling. No pursuit after the smile, either; just that and move on.


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## Devotee

I don't notice it, so I guess that must mean that I am not very attractive. I suppose a glance from the right person would be flattering though.
Still, I would prefer no attention to the ogling and comments that I have seen my SIL receive. She has a very nice figure, with large breasts.


----------



## I Notice The Details

Many women....as soon as they know I have noticed something about them....instinctively start to mess with their hair. I don't know if this is a "grooming" thing or a nervous gesture, but they are almost always smiling. I assume they take my glance at them in a positive way since it was done so innocently and casually. I find women like to be noticed, and appreciated in appropriate ways....a simple smile says a lot!


----------



## talk123

In general, no. I Always appreciate a polite, professional coworker but nothing more. I am taken. 

Think the only times I've liked attention, and even then didn't like it directed at my body, was when I was single, and actively looking.
Maybe that means I'm an introvert or am too protective of my marriage.


----------



## Entropy3000

I Notice The Details said:


> Many women....as soon as they know I have noticed something about them....instinctively start to mess with their hair. I don't know if this is a "grooming" thing or a nervous gesture, but they are almost always smiling. I assume they take my glance at them in a positive way since it was done so innocently and casually. I find women like to be noticed, and appreciated in appropriate ways....a simple smile says a lot!


Classic.


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## SimplyAmorous

Dad&Hubby said:


> The ones she's flattered by are the ones she thinks are attractive, the ones she's disgusted by she doesn't.
> 
> Pretty simple.


I have always found this attitude from women (after the fact cutting down certain men)...rather offensive & horribly shallow...and no, I have never acted like this...

For one thing, if I was a homely man, I wouldn't give these type of women a word of praise - given the attitudes of some...it's too humiliating. 

Granted, consciously I know I would not see some of the men who flattered as "a potential"
(we all know what turns us *on* by a moments glance)... yet still...*the INTENT* of the compliment to me, whether by a good looking man or one that is NOT, or Grandpa over there...... should be on the same playing field...*at least when we're married*... 

Even if I did get *a little more of a rise* out of the Hotter guys words (sure it can happen!)... I would quickly remind myself >> "so what!".... it ends [email protected]# 

The hot Guy, the homely guy, the dirty old man, even the young inexperienced Boy with the crush....they all NOTICE & are visually tuned to Beautiful women....so for every comment one makes, another slew is out there thinking a similar thing... just wasn't as vocal about it... 

To me...a Compliment is a compliment...It is flattering... so long as it as in good taste, irregardless of who it was from....even women! and I would graciously accept them all... and not look down on those who have had a harder time pulling the women in. 

In fact if I was going to *"weigh" *compliments given (in any area - not just looks)..... I would give the most weight to the shyer guy who rarely puts himself out ...over the Looker who makes a past time of picking up Chicks.....or someone like Simon Cowell who rarely has something nice to say, but tends to sarcastically criticize....when someone like that uplifts you...it's time for a double take. ...did I just hear that right [email protected]#$


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## livnlearn

sure I do. I don't want to say I don't believe those who are saying they do not..or "no..I am already taken", but it's hard to understand. I'm "taken" too...doesn't mean that it doesn't feel good being appreciated by other men..or women for that matter. I will say though, that it feels much better when it is appreciation as a whole..like if someone finds me attractive as a whole package. Like if someone tells my husband he is a lucky guy because they think I am good looking but also a lot of fun to be around. Just being noticed for your ass or boobs can feel a little creepy.


----------



## TiggyBlue

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have always found this attitude from women (after the fact cutting down certain men)...rather offensive & horribly shallow...and no, I have never acted like this...
> 
> For one thing, if I was a homely man, I wouldn't give these type of women a word of praise - given the attitudes of some...it's too humiliating.


Do you mean women go out of their way to cut down a guy (that is unattractive in their eyes) who is looking at them,
or more the fact a woman would not feel great about a guy (who is unattractive in their eyes) is looking at them?


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## SimplyAmorous

TiggyBlue said:


> Do you mean women go out of their way to cut down a guy (that is unattractive in their eyes) who is looking at them,
> or more the fact a woman would not feel great about a guy (who is unattractive in their eyes) is looking at them?


Probably both... Unattractive men look as well as attractive men...if a woman wants to dress up and make herself LOOK GOOD....she is going to automatically attract the looks of EVERYONE....this goes along with living... we can't pick and choose... we can Bi*ch about it however... but I think there are worse problems in life, don't you??

I'd much rather have this problem than never get anyone noticing me, because I was so far off the scale of Hottie... I just feel these things are so minor in the scale of enjoying our lives....it goes along with breathing...and accepting life as it is... if you have it.. get used to many giving you the "up & down".. so what! If you don't like it, dress like an Amish woman. That should solve the dilemma. 

So long as none of them reach out to touch her or is not incessantly staring to make her feel like a piece of meat (I would consider this in a different category)... what is the big deal. 

Ok.. one of our good friends, he is a single guy, he is not what women would call attractive, bald head, on the big side, never had braces.. what can you do... he is a complimentary guy, it's part of his overall personality...

I've seen women in the church cringe over him...and I swear all I can think is ....boy do they have a stick up their a$$.... .he is as harmless as harmless can be. I just find it obnoxious, that is my opinion.... maybe because he is my friend... I feel this way, I don't know... but I am the 1st to tell him to SPIT on the pretty chicks, save his breathe, they are all stuck up .


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## TiggyBlue

SimplyAmorous said:


> ...it goes along with breathing...and accepting life as it is... if you have it.. get used to many giving you the "up & down".. so what! If you don't like it, dress like an Amish woman. That should solve the dilemma.
> .


See I can't agree with that at all, it seems like someone one persons nature which they don't control (such as looking) should be accepted (which I agree with, as long it's someone's not leering, 
but if someone's natural reaction which they don't control (such as not being flattered by someone's look) then that person is shallow, should get use to it ect (which I disagree with, as long as someone's not rude)

Personally that it seems like double standards to accept and try to understand one persons nature and natural responses but dismiss another's.


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## SimplyAmorous

TiggyBlue said:


> See I can't agree with that at all, it seems like someone one persons nature which they don't control (such as looking) should be accepted (which I agree with, as long it's someone's not leering,
> but if someone's natural reaction which they don't control (such as not being flattered by someone's look) then that person is shallow, should get use to it ect (which I disagree with, as long as someone's not rude)
> 
> Personally that it seems like double standards to accept and try to understand one persons nature and natural responses but dismiss another's.


Well again...this is why I tell the homely man to pluck his eyes out because his compliments are like crapping on the beautiful woman, she verbally MOCKS him as he walks away.. I find that SAD (for him)...humiliating... crushing if he knew....I've tried to put myself in the shoes of my friend... I just think it is awful.. I have overweight GF's who have been mocked in high school... it's nasty... what some of them has had to endure -people making fun...for me, this just plays into another nail in their coffin in life... they can't *BE* or *act* as others who are more popular or better looking. 

Listen, I am very visual myself... but outside of my husband, I just don't judge people like this...I will do my damnest to look at them all in the same light....That's my position. 

We're all shallow in some ways, aren't we...Can we admit it outright? I don't know about the Double standard comment, can't rationalize this in my head at the moment.. that is about "accepting" one as a Lover due to their past... not sure how that plays into "getting attention, compliments, or expressed flattery" .... The Brain is not computing this for me, must be a slow day....maybe another can expound on that thought. 

I don't expect anyone here to agree with me, it is my sensitive nature that has an issue with this. Because I have seen how it has hurt my friends....Thankfully not me personally.


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## TiggyBlue

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well again...this is why I tell the homely man to pluck his eyes out because his compliments are like crapping on the beautiful woman, she verbally MOCKS him as he walks away..


That is really rude, but not exactly the same as someone just not really being keen on another looking at him.
Just like there's a difference between someone noticing a attractive person and someone who starts to say crude remarks to someone they find attractive.



> We're all shallow in some ways, aren't we...Can we admit it outright? I don't know about the Double standard comment, can't rationalize this in my head at the moment.. that is about "accepting" one as a Lover due to their past... not sure how that plays into "getting attention, compliments, or expressed flattery" .... The Brain is not computing this for me, must be a slow day....maybe another can expound on that thought.


I don't think I articulated what I meant very well, I meant it's no more/less shallow or natural for someone to look notice a attractive person than it is for someone not to want said attention,
e.g a 60 yr may notice a 18 yr old (totally natural biologically human's are always going to subconsciously notice what would be good 'breeding' material), the 18 yr old may notice and feel in the terms used on this thread feel 'disgusted' by it, that's totally natural too (their body is just telling her this person would not be good 'breeding' material for them).
Considering it's human's biology to always notice what would be 'good breeding material', body language is 55% body language and the majority of people can't control micro expressions, a quick look at someone isn't really a conscious thing or shallow thing, neither is a quick unwelcoming look.



> I don't expect anyone here to agree with me, it is my sensitive nature that has an issue with this. Because I have seen how it has hurt my friends....Thankfully not me personally.


I probably am I bit sensitive to this because of past things that happened to me.


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## SimplyAmorous

TiggyBlue said:


> I don't think I articulated what I meant very well, I meant it's no more/less shallow or natural for someone to look notice a attractive person than it is for someone not to want said attention,
> e.g a 60 yr may notice a 18 yr old (totally natural biologically human's are always going to subconsciously notice what would be good 'breeding' material), the 18 yr old may notice and feel in the terms used on this thread feel 'disgusted' by it, that's totally natural too (their body is just telling her this person would not be good 'breeding' material for them).
> Considering it's human's biology to always notice what would be 'good breeding material', body language is 55% body language and the majority of people can't control micro expressions, a quick look at someone isn't really a conscious thing or shallow thing, neither is a quick unwelcoming look.


 YOU have explained this VERY WELL HERE :smthumbup: 

I guess I have worked past it in my head and just don't have the cringe factor if a Mr Homeless looks me up and down. Ya know.. I am very analytical.... as much as emotional ...I try to weigh every notion, intent, stroke and put myself in another shoes....and sometimes *My thinking* can override *my emotions*... this may explain why I don't have a hang up here. 

But yeah, it makes sense women *DO THIS*, *FEEL THIS WAY*, *it is a gut reaction*...*it's where their emotions ARE*....they don't know anything else.

If I was in their presence...though & they started cutting up the ugly guy cause "he is so creepy or freaky"... while he did basically "nothing" ...I know I would try to give them another perspective...that's just what I do. Then maybe they'll mock me thinking I am off my rocker.. Oh well. Such is life. 



> I probably am I bit sensitive to this because of past things that happened to me.


 And I am sure this wasn't pleasant for you....I would say though...IF it has caused you to be more sensitive to these things, and to others.....THIS part is a GOOD THING.


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## Faithful Wife

I know that when I was very young (20 and younger, all the way down to age 12), I was always scared and creeped out when an "old man" was checking me out...and many times they weren't just checking out, they were also making rapey comments and in many cases they were actually coming toward me in what looked like an effort to corner me. After that happens to you a few times, with grown men ages 50 and older and you are just a young girl, you learn quickly that if you aren't careful, these men will actually drag you behind the wood shed...so with this experience in my closet, as you grow up, you learn that being checked out isn't always just an innocent acknolwedgement of your being a lovely young woman.


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## SimplyAmorous

Faithful Wife said:


> I know that when I was very young (20 and younger, all the way down to age 12), I was always scared and creeped out when an "old man" was checking me out...and many times they weren't just checking out, they were also making rapey comments and in many cases they were actually coming toward me in what looked like an effort to corner me. After that happens to you a few times, with grown men ages 50 and older and you are just a young girl, you learn quickly that if you aren't careful, these men will actually drag you behind the wood shed...so with this experience in my closet, as you grow up, you learn that being checked out isn't always just an innocent acknolwedgement of your being a lovely young woman.


I think because I have never lived in the Big City...(except for visiting my mother once in a very poor section of Florida where I met Prostitutes)... she always hung with the less than desirables and was raped 3 times in her life, they weren't old men though..

Once I moved with my Father...we lived in a smaller country town, never had any neighbors like that.... decent people in our lives....I have not experienced these type situations...at all. I guess I've been sheltered. 

All the older men I have ever known...the most I have seen is *a little flirty*....never anything over the top inappropriate - or reaching to touch ...that I can even put my finger on....my 96 yr old Grandfather is still a flirt, with every Aid that walks into his room...But he is harmless.

I have no doubt that what we experience in life plays a large part on our psychs & emotional response ....with *"triggers" *and all. I surely don't think all strangers are harmless...we just try to stay away from places that might have shady characters like that.... I try to be very careful /guardful of where my daughter goes as well. 

A friends 2 daughters were molested by their uncle...those girls will always carry this around, being overly suspicious of older men, likely ALL MEN...for the rest of their lives... A shame that the unscrupulous / moral-less & deranged have ruined it for those who are not doing anything wrong though...(I mean the more harmless friendly comments/ compliments, and looking - not leering. ) 

So what's the verdict ....Women do you all vote that only the HOT can look you "up & down"...and only these should give compliments as well......and everyone else should just put a bag over their heads, twiddle their thumbs lest they offend ....

I just asked my husband , he said "that was me"... he said "they just need to forget it and DIE...it's hopeless". 

There is no where else to go with this conversation.. people will continue to be what they are...and basically irritate each other!


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## ScarletBegonias

SimplyAmorous said:


> So what's the verdict ....Women do you all vote that only the HOT can look you "up & down"...and only these should give compliments as well......and everyone else should just put a bag over their heads, twiddle their thumbs lest they offend ....


My verdict: Don't look at me whether you're hot or not.I automatically think I'm strange or weird looking and that's why you're staring.


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## Faithful Wife

SA...I just want to point out that I grew up in a very small farming town, so most of the "scary" incidents I encountered occured in that small town, not in the city where I live now.


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## samyeagar

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well again...this is why I tell the homely man to pluck his eyes out because his compliments are like crapping on the beautiful woman, she verbally MOCKS him as he walks away.. I find that SAD (for him)...humiliating... crushing if he knew....I've tried to put myself in the shoes of my friend... I just think it is awful.. I have overweight GF's who have been mocked in high school... it's nasty... what some of them has had to endure -people making fun...for me, this just plays into another nail in their coffin in life... they can't *BE* or *act* as others who are more popular or better looking.
> 
> Listen, I am very visual myself... but outside of my husband, I just don't judge people like this...I will do my damnest to look at them all in the same light....That's my position.
> 
> We're all shallow in some ways, aren't we...Can we admit it outright? I don't know about the Double standard comment, can't rationalize this in my head at the moment.. that is about "accepting" one as a Lover due to their past... not sure how that plays into "getting attention, compliments, or expressed flattery" .... The Brain is not computing this for me, must be a slow day....maybe another can expound on that thought.
> 
> I don't expect anyone here to agree with me, it is my sensitive nature that has an issue with this. Because I have seen how it has hurt my friends....Thankfully not me personally.


I happen to agree with you...I know, big shock there  I am not sure if double standard is the right description as lack of empathy would be. Not able to put yourself in the shoes of another.


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## SimplyAmorous

Faithful Wife said:


> SA...I just want to point out that I grew up in a very small farming town, so most of the "scary" incidents I encountered occured in that small town, not in the city where I live now.


Did you tell your parents about these incidents with these older men - trying to grab you / putting this fear into you? Did they know them ? 

What about other girls/ friends of yours, were they a target also?


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## Faithful Wife

Yes, to both.

My parents were not very involved, in general. So I told them but there was not usually anything done.

In one case, I actually got into a truck with a complete stranger male adult. That was the only time my parents actually were strongly alarmed, but it was after the fact. Somehow, nothing bad happened...but I know now that the strange man had intended something bad.

I was quite developed by the age of 12 and was always mistaken for a much older girl.


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## SimplyAmorous

ScarletBegonias said:


> My verdict: Don't look at me whether you're hot or not.I automatically think I'm strange or weird looking and that's why you're staring.


I have seen your pics and you are very pretty SB - the "Duck face" was the best ! ... so not sure why you would think this..it's just not true.

I just see so many other things in life to get upset or stressed about, this one seems so silly and minor to me....unless of course the man is dangerous, a stalker...in the back of our minds, these things are REAL issues, I would not downplay that. 

Does it make me vain to say I appreciate a compliment ?? Are the women who say they have no use for it - better than I?

I give compliments readily..I enjoy it ..it's part of my personality...if I see something worthy of praise in another.. .. maybe cause my 3rd love language is "*Words of Affirmation*"... I guess it's a blessing it's not #1 or I'd be over the top ...someone would have to tie my mouth shut ! 

.. Heck I have given lots of men compliments...some may feel this is wrong... can we please everyone... though I wouldn't waste my time telling a HOT guy he was hot..He always KNOWS it ...why bother.... only the guy who is a little down on himself would get that from me. 

Because sometimes people really need a pick up, maybe things are really bad at home, who knows , one nice compliment could make the difference between planting a seed of confidence in someone , a  on their face or feeling down in the dumps, that noone cares at all/ depression...that another sees some value in them.... We just don't know.


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## 45188

If some guy gawked at me while he was out with his wife, I'd give him an earful. If it's a smile and a compliment, that kind I don't mind. The kind that shows they appreciate your efforts. Unfortunately, most men are animals.


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## ScarletBegonias

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have seen your pics and you are very pretty SB - the "Duck face" was the best ! ... so not sure why you would think this..it's just not true.
> 
> I just see so many other things in life to get upset or stressed about, this one seems so silly and minor to me....unless of course the man is dangerous, a stalker...in the back of our minds, these things are REAL issues, I would not downplay that.
> 
> Does it make me vain to say I appreciate a compliment ?? Are the women who say they have no use for it - better than I?


Thanks for the kind words.It's just a social anxiety issue I have.

That said,I don't make a big deal of people looking at me.Male or Female.I just prefer to not be stared at ever and I'd rather not receive compliments from most people.

Compliments are nice but we have to realize there are all kinds of people in the world. 

A man's compliment may make a woman like me very uncomfortable and red faced...it may cause me to feel panicky and ruin whatever good feeling I had about being out that day. 
It isn't his problem of course.It's my problem but he really had no business coming up to me in the first place or gawking at me if that's what he was doing. 



Women who enjoy compliments aren't vain.They're just people who happen to get pleasure from being noticed once in a while. Women who don't enjoy compliments aren't better than those who do enjoy them. It's just personal preference that may stem from deeper things.


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## SimplyAmorous

ScarletBegonias said:


> *and I'd rather not receive compliments from most people.*
> 
> Compliments are nice but we have to realize there are all kinds of people in the world.
> 
> *A man's compliment may make a woman like me very uncomfortable and red faced...it may cause me to feel panicky and ruin whatever good feeling I had about being out that day.*
> 
> It isn't his problem of course.*It's my problem but he really had no business coming up to me in the first place or gawking at me if that's what he was doing. *
> 
> Women who enjoy compliments aren't vain.They're just people who happen to get pleasure from being noticed once in a while. Women who don't enjoy compliments aren't better than those who do enjoy them.* It's just personal preference that may stem from deeper things*.


I must admit I have never heard someone say a compliment can ruin or upset one's day....I guess this is related to the social anxiety though. I learned something new. 

Though I've always been AWARE...can even feel a vibe from some....that they do not want bothered in any way by others...they only want to speak to, or hear from those they know, in their circle of influence...

Being a people observer...I tend to pick up on these things...and am careful to adjust my own behavior .. 

I don't think any of us enjoy feeling rebuffed, even from strangers...... Although I am naturally a very warm & bubbly personable person....when I am out in public & do not know a soul...I keep to myself (me & husband both like this)... the most I will offer is a  to show I won't bite....

I always allow others to approach me...as I refuse to be looked upon as an irritant, or too friendly...not knowing how another is geared...I wouldn't want them thinking under their breath ...."why can't people just mind their own business & leave me alone"....

Cause it's true...we just don't know ! 

I've always been one to compliment cashiers who are friendly BUT organized/ FAST at the same time ...who I feel makes the customers wait less and puts a  on our faces as we walk out...there are so many who wear a  ...like our presence is a nuisance in front of them, some are as slow as turtles & talk too much ...or goofing off with Co-workers on the job ... so when I see one who models what the job should be, an asset to the company , I do speak what I am thinking...I am compelled, why hide it.... For the most part...I know I have added a little "jingle" to someone's day. And that makes me smile too!


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## TiggyBlue

ScarletBegonias said:


> Thanks for the kind words.It's just a social anxiety issue I have.
> 
> That said,I don't make a big deal of people looking at me.Male or Female.I just prefer to not be stared at ever and I'd rather not receive compliments from most people.
> 
> Compliments are nice but we have to realize there are all kinds of people in the world.
> 
> A man's compliment may make a woman like me very uncomfortable and red faced...it may cause me to feel panicky and ruin whatever good feeling I had about being out that day.
> It isn't his problem of course.It's my problem but he really had no business coming up to me in the first place or gawking at me if that's what he was doing.
> 
> 
> 
> Women who enjoy compliments aren't vain.They're just people who happen to get pleasure from being noticed once in a while. Women who don't enjoy compliments aren't better than those who do enjoy them. It's just personal preference that may stem from deeper things.


:iagree: 100% with your post.


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## essy

Understanding both the introvert type and extrovert.
Everyone is different and they shouldn't change because of someone else... 

I'm also an introvert and my partner is the opposite.
Have a friend (well thought), until she started flirting heaps with my partner (her also being outgoing and really out there - love her personality but doing all that flirting to your friend's boy?... grossed me out).

Then I get pissed off !

As long as you don't flirt with your mate's, all good i guess


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## silentghost

I don't know what's with men and women wearing uniforms. 
When I wear my uniform....it's like magnet for some guys out there. 
Either they hit on me...or they want to challenge my authority.
I guess that's nature of the beast when you deal with people.


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## SimplyAmorous

essy said:


> Understanding both the introvert type and extrovert.
> *Everyone is different and they shouldn't change because of someone else*...


 I thought this was great >  Introvert vs. Extrovert Conversation


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