# Any other women feel forced into sex?



## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

Well, I always did. There were several issues with our sex life. First, our sex drives aren't matched. He wants sex at the very least once per day. I would be ok with a couple times per week. 
Second, I felt like I HAD to have sex as often as he wanted or he would throw a temper tantrum. Sometimes they got nasty so I would give in to avoid a fight. I think deep down I thought he would cheat on me if I didn't give in because of his high sex drive. I was starting to feel like sex was a chore.

Anyway, in MC we were told to practice nonverbal forms of communicating in regards to sex. That way I don't have to fear a verbal confrontation or even speak a word. So, each of us got a stone. One is mine and one is his. We put them on the dresser. If I don't want sex I take my stone away. If he doesn't want sex he takes his stone away (yeah right like that would happen).
The rules are- we each respect if the stone is there or not before initiating. No pouting or verbal comments. Don't take the rejection personally.

I will say it has been working like a charm. The stone is there more than it is not. He has been respecting the boundaries. I don't feel forced or like I'm doing a chore anymore. 

So, if anyone has a similar sitaution TRY THIS.


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

What a cool idea. Effective, yet I think some fun could be had of this as well! Thanks for sharing.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I like the stone idea! Thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

That is a cool idea, I like it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

For all of our freaking out about communication, respect, and emotions, sometimes it's the littlest, simplest things that can have the biggest impact.

Have the stones had an impact on your relationship and how you perceive sex?


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Have the stones had an impact on your relationship and how you perceive sex?


Yes, I think a big impact. I have trouble with enforcing personal boundaries and my husband _has_ no boundaries so I think this exercise is kind of establishing boundaries for us. As a result I feel more respected and therefore am happier in general.

Plus, I am terrible at affection but especially so when I think it will automatically lead to sex. Now, I can give a little affection without feeling like sex is expected...at least as long as the rock is away!


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

uhh got a question for you! is his stone glued to the dresser?? j/k does he ever remove his stone?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'm curious about this.

Just because you use stones, does it eliminate the rejection and frustration he feels? Doesn't the stone say the same thing as you used to... "I don't want to have sex."

Not that I reject it as a good device, I just don't see any difference between rejecting with a stone or rejecting verbally.


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

I think she was trying to get away from the verbal part so she would not be verbally abused just because she said no.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

So...you have to leave it on the dresser? I think mine would be more effective if I chunk it at his head! LOL
J/K!


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

JustAGirl said:


> So...you have to leave it on the dresser? I think mine would be more effective if I chunk it at his head! LOL
> J/K!


lol!!!!


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

dblkman- No he has never removed his stone yet. I don't expect he ever will either... lol.

Chris Taylor- You're right it doesn't eliminate his sense of rejection. However, he has been able to handle it better I think because I am not rejecting him verbally. He is getting rejected by a rock in a sense. For some reason it seems to lessen the impact. Also, our counselor made sure he knew how he would feel (rejected) and to respond by sitting with his feelings or calling her, not lashing out at me.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

That is really great. I have always struggled with how to say not to night with out making him feel rejected. I hate that he has to even ask, I think it is so undignified but I never could figure out how to communicate my unwillingness without it seeming like a rejection. I try subtle like not making eye contact towards bedtime, being busy, avoiding physical contact so he knows not to try, but he does anyway. It would be nice to communicate non-verbally so he knows not to ask and feel rejected.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Romance of the stone.


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

JustAGirl said:


> So...you have to leave it on the dresser? I think mine would be more effective if I chunk it at his head! LOL
> J/K!


:rofl: JustAGirl..I love it!! My problem is, if I do feel sexual, them my H thinks everything is hunky dory and we have no issues to resolve!


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

HI

sharing

Becuase men are physical and relate on the physical level and feel it in their bodies by the testosterone and -other physical things going on-plus relationally and emotionally they can feel good after sex that lets them know the world is better and that kind of thing
So that is why they take the rejection personally because they sense it in their bodies where women dont quite do that to a degree. 

Have sex is relating on the physical level-and their emotion comes after the fact. They also feel close to you in sex usually and more so.. That type of thing

And their age makes a difference as well. 20s they can have it all the time 30s they start slowing down in alot of ways and it then becomes quality vs quantity etc. I hope I am making sense

Judith


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Crazytown said:


> Well, I always did. There were several issues with our sex life. First, our sex drives aren't matched. He wants sex at the very least once per day. I would be ok with a couple times per week.
> Second, I felt like I HAD to have sex as often as he wanted or he would throw a temper tantrum. Sometimes they got nasty so I would give in to avoid a fight. I think deep down I thought he would cheat on me if I didn't give in because of his high sex drive. I was starting to feel like sex was a chore.
> 
> Anyway, in MC we were told to practice nonverbal forms of communicating in regards to sex. That way I don't have to fear a verbal confrontation or even speak a word. So, each of us got a stone. One is mine and one is his. We put them on the dresser. If I don't want sex I take my stone away. If he doesn't want sex he takes his stone away (yeah right like that would happen).
> ...


One question, what if your husband never takes away his stone but you always take away yours. Won't he get mad in the end?


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

MsLonely- probably but I have no solution for that! I think he's pretty lucky to have gotten it every day for years and years. For him to still be getting it 4+ nights per week, he better just suck it up and be grateful. lol. 

jmsclayton- My dh is in his 40's now. His drive has still not diminished at all. He would be happy to go multiple times per day. Thank goodness I didn't know him in his 20's!!!! haha!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

emotionalwreck said:


> :rofl: JustAGirl..I love it!! My problem is, if I do feel sexual, them my H thinks everything is hunky dory and we have no issues to resolve!


Use the stone....b/c I'm sure saying it over and over won't get thru to him! lol

*wow...guess I'm man bashing alittle*
_no offense_


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