# Double standard in break-up??



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

As most here know, my wife divorced me recently after 18 years basically because I no longer make her feel special, am a bit boring, and, therefore, she is unhappy, and I am having trouble "understanding."

A female co-worker recently told me something that I hadn't thought of. She said that if I, being the man, had divorced my wife for those same reasons, left her out in the cold, upset two beautiful kids, and had been dating someone a week after the divorce, people would label me as scum of the earth. Although my ex hasn't been given any awards for her behavior, it still is somehow a little more acceptable than if i had done it. If nothing else, people are just leaving her alone. People would probably be throwing rocks through my window and telling me i was crazy to cause such distress over nothing.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yeah, I get it.

Men are the bad guys, esp. in divorce.

I can live with that.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

southbound said:


> As most here know, my wife divorced me recently after 18 years basically because I no longer make her feel special, am a bit boring, and, therefore, she is unhappy, and I am having trouble "understanding."
> 
> A female co-worker recently told me something that I hadn't thought of. She said that if I, being the man, had divorced my wife for those same reasons, left her out in the cold, upset two beautiful kids, and had been dating someone a week after the divorce, people would label me as scum of the earth. Although my ex hasn't been given any awards for her behavior, it still is somehow a little more acceptable than if i had done it. If nothing else, people are just leaving her alone. People would probably be throwing rocks through my window and telling me i was crazy to cause such distress over nothing.


Who said you'll be dating? You're not dating anyone, you only hang out with some "friends" (Let the new girls kick in as your friends and go to eat pizza with one of them everyday.) Always tell people you're not dating because you're not ready for any new relationship,yet.

You don't have to report to your coworker what friends you have. It's not her business.

You're free to meet new friends! The first day you divorce, is the first day you're single & available. You should celebrate with some friends. 
(You don't need to inform your EX-wife your whereabout, she is not your boss anymore. )


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## Tiredspouse0297 (Dec 9, 2010)

I was the bad guy in my first divorce, I'm sure I will be in the second. It's not just men that get a bad rap, didn't matter that I didn't cheat and tried to make it easy on him. Everyone thought I was a horrible person. They all know what an immature ass he is now but it didn't help me when I really needed it.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I get it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Look at Tiger Woods: Jeered at, lose sponsors, pay thru the nose in divorce, heckled at events.

Look at LeAnn Rimes: Magazine covers, stories about how much in love she and new fiance are, TV specials, and I'm sure her next album will be up for a grammy.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Just saying that "if" I did what my wife did, which I didn't, I think people would view it as a dirtier deed than they currently view it being that she did it.


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## ChrisInNOVA (Jan 3, 2011)

Life is full of double standards.

Do you know how it feels to be a woman and be called a "b-itch" for being assertive? Do you know how it feels to be a Black person being followed in a store because the clerks are thinking that you'll steal? 

The question is: How does dwelling on life's "unfairness" and "double standards" help you?

It doesn't.

You'e in the denial phase. 

You can't believe this is happening & you are looking for all the other wrongs the other person did and is currently doing.

You will not recover from this and move forward until you can honesty assess what your role in all of this was.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

ChrisInNOVA said:


> Life is full of double standards.
> 
> Do you know how it feels to be a woman and be called a "b-itch" for being assertive? Do you know how it feels to be a Black person being followed in a store because the clerks are thinking that you'll steal?
> 
> ...


I agree with you. I am honestly trying to assess what my role in this was.


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## ChrisInNOVA (Jan 3, 2011)

Then stop talking about HER.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Women, they are expected to move and behave within their emotions and feelings.

Men, no.

Different standards for different sexes absolutely.


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