# Not sure what to do...



## ibqti000 (Oct 3, 2014)

Okay, I'm been married 1.5 years, but do to our contract binding living arrangements, we live in separate households. This would've only last a couple more months before he got busted. Okay, so I have 2 kids, that I'm solely responsible for. He on the other hand has been unemployed for 1.4 years, so he had a lot of time on his hands, and start complaining about me not being available enough for him. He can come over whenever, but if I'm tired, and don't want to stay up later or have a couple drinks, then he gets annoyed, and leaves. 
A little background...early on in our relationship, he was caught with another woman in his house, not sure how far they went, but I took him back and then he proposed months later.
Okay, ff to a couple months ago. I drove to STL and back to pick up daughter, and decided to drop something off at this house, that he needed for the next morning. I normally wouldn't have gone that late, but I didn't want to wake up early in the morning. So, ironically I pulled up behind him and there was a woman in his car. He sped off, and I went after them, he then dropped her off at a police station and sped back off. I went up to her to ask questions, and she stated that it was there first date, and that he told her that I was his crazy ex girlfriend. Which was why she told him to drop her off at the station. She said, that they met online, and his profile stated that he was single. There date started off, by him cooking her dinner, and then walking around downtown. *Mind you, my kids witnessed the entire ordeal*
She went her way, and I went home. He then started to text, stating that I should move on and that he did what he did, because I didn't spend enough time with him.
There's was a week of no contact, but then he started calling and texting, saying that he wanted to see me, and work it out. 
I told him that the only way, that I would see or talk to him, is if it was in front of a mediator. 
Counseling, hasn't proven its worth yet, but although the incident happened 2 months ago, the first time that we saw each other face to face was 1 month ago. Here is the kicker, he is pressuring me for sex. He says, that he doesn't want to go anywhere else for sex, but I'm going to make him, etc. I don't feel comfortable having sex at this point and time, but am I suppose to, since we are still officially married! Your thoughts please? Thanks in Advance


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*Re: I'm at my wits end!*

My thoughts... You gloss over one of the primary problems I see in your relationship. You're married but not living together. While that's not necessarily a requirement, it makes the whole thing seem like a farce (no offense intended). 

My advice. Forget the sex. End the charade and move on. He has. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

*Re: I'm at my wits end!*



PBear said:


> My thoughts... You gloss over one of the primary problems I see in your relationship. You're married but not living together. While that's not necessarily a requirement, it makes the whole thing seem like a farce (no offense intended).
> 
> My advice. Forget the sex. End the charade and move on. He has.
> 
> ...


Bingo. End of discussion.


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## stunned (May 6, 2013)

My god, there's so much wrong with this, I don't even know where to start. 
- Why are you not living together? It's certainly not because of his job!
- Why does he not have a job????
- He cheats constantly (He does even if you don't know about it or want to admit it to yourself)
- WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH THIS?

I'm assuming the kids are not his. You've only been married a short time, all of which it seems he has been unemployed. You need to run as fast as possible to an attorney, divorce this guy and move on. Run. Do not walk. And if you drive, do so very quickly.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I agree that the living apart, puts you in an "at risk" position for your marriage. I'm not sure if you realized that at the beginning, but you should have.

You also ignored one red flag with him before you were married. Another "at risk" element.

That said, he still cheated on you. If he couldn't handle the living apart he could have decided to divorce you instead. So this is all on him; not you.

If you decide to R with him, don't keep living apart - it hasn't worked and it's not going to work.

So then you're down to deciding whether to to R with him or not. My opinion is that this early in the marriage, no kids with him; divorce him and find someone else that you can trust; and that you can live in the same house with.

Good luck and keep posting.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

He's a jobless cheat?? 

Of course you should move on.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I must be stuoid, but what exactly does this mean????

"Okay, I'm been married 1.5 years, but do to our contract binding living arrangements, we live in separate households."


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## ibqti000 (Oct 3, 2014)

Dormant, I am still stuck in my lease for another a month and a half, and he has a house that is going through the foreclosure process. So, basically he couldn't move in with me, and I wasn't going to move in with him, when his house was in foreclosure.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Okay, I get it now. Thanks


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Oh boy... just because there are two households being paid for (or not if one is foreclosing) doesn't mean you couldn't spend significant time together as a married couple. 

Unless, of course, one party wants to sleep around and date other people...

Not that I'd recommend spending another minute with this "man". 

Do you *really* feel like you are "supposed to" have sex with this man now? Btw, you really should assume he has been sle eping around outside your marriage and get yourself tested for STD's.

I really love the comment that you're going to "make him" look elsewhere for sex now. As if he hasn't already done so. 

Scary, some people. :scratchhead:


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

This sounds like an episode of "Cheaters" mixed in with a little "Jerry Springer"...


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

ibqti000 said:


> So, ironically I pulled up behind him and there was a woman in his car.


For every time you catch him with or trying to be with another woman, how many times do you not catch him?

There are just too many reasons not to consider R as your best choice.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm with the others... Just because his home is in foreclosure doesn't mean he couldn't be living with you. Heck, he could rent it out or something.

How long did you two date before getting married? How long was your lease, since you've still got two months left and you've been married for 18 months? How far apart do you two live?

Nine of this changes the fact that he cheated on you and is blaming you for it. Not much else really needs to be said.

C


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