# Proper division of assets



## valueunknown (Jan 22, 2012)

Been married 7 years and husband raised his view on division of our savings and assets should we divorce or should he pass away. He believes it should be based on percent contribution (which at the moment is 65% - 35%, in his favour since he has been working longer than I have). If we divorce he believes he deserves his full 65% back, and if he passes away he will split his 65% between me and his mother. My parents have been happily married for nearly 40 years and they taught me that a marriage should be equal - always 50% - 50% in all aspects, especially financial, because you are partners in life. So my husband's 65% - 35% view makes me feel like he doesn't trust me, or that he doesn't value me as much as I think he should.

Am I right to feel upset about this? Or is this normal and do other married couples out there believe this as well?


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

valueunknown said:


> Been married 7 years and husband raised his view on division of our savings and assets should we divorce or should he pass away. He believes it should be based on percent contribution (which at the moment is 65% - 35%, in his favour since he has been working longer than I have). If we divorce he believes he deserves his full 65% back, and if he passes away he will split his 65% between me and his mother. My parents have been happily married for nearly 40 years and they taught me that a marriage should be equal - always 50% - 50% in all aspects, especially financial, because you are partners in life. So my husband's 65% - 35% view makes me feel like he doesn't trust me, or that he doesn't value me as much as I think he should.
> 
> Am I right to feel upset about this? Or is this normal and do other married couples out there believe this as well?


Wow, well my first question is why is he even talking about this? People usually don't talk about divorce unless they have been thinking about it. 

As for dividing assets in a divorce, he can state his opinion on percents all he wants. But he doesn't get the final say. There are laws concerning who gets what and it also depends on if you live in an equitable division state or a community property state. Regardless of what your husband thinks, the judge gets the final say - not him.

The dividing assets between you and his mother if he passes away is BS. You are his wife and you are the one that would be losing financial support if he passes away. 

I don't blame you for being upset, it sounds like he has given it a lot of thought and wants to make sure you don't take all of what he considers his. Few married couples make the exact same salary. There is usually one spouse that makes more. But most couples consider it 'our money' and not his and hers. It sounds as if you husband has some resentments over money issues. If your marriage is otherwise good I would suggest counseling to get to the root cause of the money issues in your marriage.


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## Debbie Roxs (Dec 30, 2011)

I wonder why he is acting like that? Since I am sure his mother is older than him  it doesn't make much sense. Do you have children?


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## valueunknown (Jan 22, 2012)

SadieBrown said:


> Wow, well my first question is why is he even talking about this? People usually don't talk about divorce unless they have been thinking about it.
> 
> As for dividing assets in a divorce, he can state his opinion on percents all he wants. But he doesn't get the final say. There are laws concerning who gets what and it also depends on if you live in an equitable division state or a community property state. Regardless of what your husband thinks, the judge gets the final say - not him.
> 
> ...



Thank you Sadie. Counselling may be my only hope. I pray it works.


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## valueunknown (Jan 22, 2012)

Debbie Roxs said:


> I wonder why he is acting like that? Since I am sure his mother is older than him  it doesn't make much sense. Do you have children?




He doesn't get along with my family and because of previous issues between them it caused a lot of tension between us. I think his reason for thinking the way he does is because he doesn't want any of "his" money to end up benefitting my family. 

I am 4 weeks pregnant with our first child.

Despite what he thinks about my family, I believe I have proven myself to him many times and I have put him above everything and everyone (even my own family). Which is why it hurts to realise that I am only worth "35%" and that his mother even has a claim to our joint marital income.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

If you live in the States, whatever idiotic formula he assigns to your worth is not negotiable. It is 50/50 in court. If he dies, his mother and you split what he had? Um, no. Unless you signed a life insurance policy (on him) that stated you would split a policy, his Mother has literally no claim whatsoever to his assets. Nothing. You, as his wife, are the beneficiary of everything. 
Having said all that, you two have serious problems if this man-child is valuing you as less than 50% and is willing to split "his money" with his Mother. It isn't "his" anything anymore than your money is yours. It is joint, mutual and community property. 
Your situation frankly shocks me. He is willing to leave his pregnant wife high and dry in the event of his death so much so, that Mommy matters more? I don't know what else to say but give you a giant hug. A really, really big hug. ((((((( ))))))))


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## valueunknown (Jan 22, 2012)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> If you live in the States, whatever idiotic formula he assigns to your worth is not negotiable. It is 50/50 in court. If he dies, his mother and you split what he had? Um, no. Unless you signed a life insurance policy (on him) that stated you would split a policy, his Mother has literally no claim whatsoever to his assets. Nothing. You, as his wife, are the beneficiary of everything.
> Having said all that, you two have serious problems if this man-child is valuing you as less than 50% and is willing to split "his money" with his Mother. It isn't "his" anything anymore than your money is yours. It is joint, mutual and community property.
> Your situation frankly shocks me. He is willing to leave his pregnant wife high and dry in the event of his death so much so, that Mommy matters more? I don't know what else to say but give you a giant hug. A really, really big hug. ((((((( ))))))))




Thank you for the hug, I appreciate it..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Um, whatever you do, do not agree to be a SAHM with this guy. He's selfish and will not understand your contribution.

Do the two of you have a joint bank account? Or does he keep his money seperate?


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## valueunknown (Jan 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Um, whatever you do, do not agree to be a SAHM with this guy. He's selfish and will not understand your contribution.
> 
> Do the two of you have a joint bank account? Or does he keep his money seperate?



Hi EleGirl, what does SAHM mean?

Yes we have a joint account. As soon as we got married every penny we earned becamse "ours" and I was fine with this since that's how I believe it should be anyway. 

To be fair, he is generous with me now and I am not left wanting for anything, but should we separate or should he go before I do or before his mother does, that's when he starts to sound really unfair and selfish.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If you are in the USA, you have the laws to protect you from his stupidity. You would probably get 50% and you would get child support. Don't sign a post nuptual agreement. Don't sign a will that leaves anything to his mother.

Next time he wants sex tell him to go find out if his mother is available.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Um, whatever you do, do not agree to be a SAHM with this guy. He's selfish and will not understand your contribution.
> 
> Do the two of you have a joint bank account? Or does he keep his money seperate?


You need to open you a savings account. Even if you only put in $5 a week from your paycheck it will add up over time. This guy has proven he has twisted ideas about the money in your marriage. You need to protect yourself. If you tell him about the savings account is up to you. I'm normally not a fan of secrets in marriage, but only you know if it is okay to tell your husband. I know this may contradict my previous advice a little, but I do believe in people in vulnerable positions being able to protect their self. I also believe people should be in a marriage because they want to be there and not because they cannot afford to leave. I know too many people who want to leave and can't. I'm also not advising you to take money that that family needs now and putting it away, it is just nice to have a little extra. And if you work out this situation and you feel more secure in a few years you can use the money to take your family on a great vacation.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Hicks said:


> If you are in the USA, you have the laws to protect you from his stupidity. You would probably get 50% and you would get child support. Don't sign a post nuptual agreement. Don't sign a will that leaves anything to his mother.
> 
> Next time he wants sex tell him to go find out if his mother is available.


The problem with that is that she doesn't have to sign or approve of his will. He can have a will made out leaving money to anyone and there is not much she can do about it now. Sure she can protest and file suit in probate court if something happens to him and chances are pretty good she would win - but that takes time and money that she may not have at that time. It would be better to work out this issue now. 

BTW, I worked in a probate court for over 10 years, I've seen situations even worse than this. I do know a little about it.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

valueunknown said:


> Hi EleGirl, what does SAHM mean?
> 
> Yes we have a joint account. As soon as we got married every penny we earned becamse "ours" and I was fine with this since that's how I believe it should be anyway.
> 
> To be fair, he is generous with me now and I am not left wanting for anything, but should we separate or should he go before I do or before his mother does, that's when he starts to sound really unfair and selfish.



SAHM mom means Stay At Home Mom.


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## 30Mom (Jan 21, 2012)

I think what he is talking about is a hypothetical situation. How did you come across this conversation anyways.. Did he just one day wake up and say "Honey, let's divide our assests 65/35." I've learned that when I ask a hypothetical situation, I'm gonna get a hypothetical answer. 

People do that all the time. I've heard some people say they'll take this kid and that kid if they get a divorce. The key is "if". Until that "if" happens, you got nothing to worry about. 

It's funny that you're arguing about something that hasn't happen yet. Think about it.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

30Mom said:


> I think what he is talking about is a hypothetical situation. How did you come across this conversation anyways.. Did he just one day wake up and say "Honey, let's divide our assests 65/35." I've learned that when I ask a hypothetical situation, I'm gonna get a hypothetical answer.
> 
> People do that all the time. I've heard some people say they'll take this kid and that kid if they get a divorce. The key is "if". Until that "if" happens, you got nothing to worry about.
> 
> It's funny that you're arguing about something that hasn't happen yet. Think about it.


I don't find anything funny about it at all. People talk about "what ifs" all the time and this guy sounds beyond selfish. His wife is 4 weeks pregnant and Momma's boy is more concerned with leaving money to his mother and reducing his wife's contribution down to 35%. Good thing the law is on the side of this poster. 
In going through "what ifs" she has been able to see a side of him she didn't know existed, she feels it is wrong, came here for advice/support and is getting it. She also can make a decision now on how best to protects herself, what not to sign and her eyes are wide open as to his character.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

30Mom said:


> I think what he is talking about is a hypothetical situation. How did you come across this conversation anyways.. Did he just one day wake up and say "Honey, let's divide our assests 65/35." I've learned that when I ask a hypothetical situation, I'm gonna get a hypothetical answer.
> 
> People do that all the time. I've heard some people say they'll take this kid and that kid if they get a divorce. The key is "if". Until that "if" happens, you got nothing to worry about.
> 
> It's funny that you're arguing about something that hasn't happen yet. Think about it.


Personally if someone asks me a question, hypothetical or otherwise, they are going to get an honest answer from me. There is no reason to believe that this guy is not telling the truth about his feelings.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

I think you need to be concerned, your H is saying, while you are carrying his child, he is thinking about divorce. 

I have to disagree with those who say living in the US automatically means a 50/50 split of assets following divorce. This is the law in community property states, but you need to google 
divorce law in MyState

You can start here
Community property - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Only a few states are "community property", there are nine, mostly in the Western US.

Learn as much as you can, and as others here suggest - *Do Not Sign Anything *until you have it reviewed by your lawyer - not his.

An even bigger issue is child support and alimony. The former will run until your child is 18 or later, and often will often contain terms about college costs.

As to wills, many states have laws that protect wives and children from being written out of wills, again this is a subject you need to learn about.

I hope your husband's thoughts are not representative of his feelings to you and your child, rather that they are those of a man realizing the commitment he has made and being frightened by it. 



valueunknown said:


> Been married 7 years and husband raised his view on division of our savings and assets should we divorce or should he pass away. He believes it should be based on percent contribution (which at the moment is 65% - 35%, in his favour since he has been working longer than I have). If we divorce he believes he deserves his full 65% back, and if he passes away he will split his 65% between me and his mother. My parents have been happily married for nearly 40 years and they taught me that a marriage should be equal - always 50% - 50% in all aspects, especially financial, because you are partners in life. So my husband's 65% - 35% view makes me feel like he doesn't trust me, or that he doesn't value me as much as I think he should.
> 
> Am I right to feel upset about this? Or is this normal and do other married couples out there believe this as well?


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