# Mife wife is a different person when drinking, how can we fix this?



## knoslf

Hello & happy holidays! I am new around here but need advice. We have been married for 9mos now and together for 5yrs. I am concerned about my wifes drinking, its not just how often she drinks but the fact that her behavior tends to get inappropriate when drunk and I hate it. We've talked about it befor eand theres been no changes yet. Just the other day on Xmas eve we had guests and her daughters boyfriend was there and her behavior totally discusted me and I was extremely angry. 1st of all she sat in front of him not realizing her jeans had slid halfway off her ass revealing her thong strings and the entire 'triangle' as well and i caught him starring at it off and on for an hour. Then, she wouldnt leave him alone, she forced him to come in the dining room where she was by grabbing his hand even though he refused 2-3 times! Then she danced with everyone til they were tired and i was afraid she'd 'force' the daughters boyfriend to dance too and she'd become inappropriate with him, lastly, each and every time she got up I caught her starring at him therefore i got pissed and left the living room. After everyone left she said her vagina was super wet and now i think she was lusting at this dude and i am totally turned off at the idea.This is not the 1st time she's become drunk and inappropriate, earlier this year while we were visiting friends she smacked some young dude on his ass (im 43 shes 45)! I havnt addressed the Xmas eve incident to her because she'll get offended but I feel it really ruined my xmas eve and its our 1st as a married couple. She drinks a 40oz 4days a week after work and sometimes a pint, on weekends she drinks beer and vodka. I really love my wife and cant imagine life without her but i feel this is hurting our marriage. I hate seeing my wife staggering around the house too, and when she acts inappropriate it tuns me off sexually, and makes me feel depressed and hopeless. I know she loves me and hasnt cheated. I feel her problem is she doesnt know how to stop drinking when she's already buzzed, if she's drunk shell keep drinking. I have no intention of leaving her or cheating, i just want the issue to be rectified. I hate this so much and i dont like to confront her because she gets defensive & sarcastic(saying "okay okay ur rite & im wrong im sorry"), this is making me a monster & because i let it build up within myself I often verbally(never physical) abuse her when we bicker over something petty & I hate myself for doind so to a woman whom i'm deeply in love with. Thanks in advance for any advice!


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## Acoa

Study up on alcoholism. Find an Alanon group in your area. 

Not being able to stop drinking once started is a hallmark of an alcoholic. Make it clear that being drunk does not give her a free pass for bad behavior. And treat her when drunk exactly how you would if she were sober. It is her choice to drink, you can't stop her, only she can. You can only hold her accountable for her actions and not protect her from the consequences.


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## knoslf

Acoa said:


> Study up on alcoholism. Find an Alanon group in your area.
> 
> Not being able to stop drinking once started is a hallmark of an alcoholic. Make it clear that being drunk does not give her a free pass for bad behavior. And treat her when drunk exactly how you would if she were sober. It is her choice to drink, you can't stop her, only she can. You can only hold her accountable for her actions and not protect her from the consequences.


Thanks for the reply Acoa, its 7am out here and i addressed these recent incidents to her this morning before work and as always, she displayed the watery eyes, the 'I'm sorry', the "I'm so embarrassed" thing, blah blah blah, it always simply ends with "I'm gonna fix it baby, I'm gonna change"...idk, I dont wanna leave because we have something good(other than the alcohol), but on the same token I refuse to live my life this way, i told her that her drinking was taking from our marriage and i feel locked up from life's opportunities because i wont take her out much because I don't wanna be embarrassed by her actions. And maybe i will check out Alanom


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## richie33

Plain and simple, she has to quit drinking. She is not acting responsible and she is embarrassing herself and you.
At 43 she should be able to conduct herself better. 4-40oz beer a week is a issue plus vodka, she has a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knoslf

Thanks for the input richie33, and you're rite, Im afraid of what the outcome will be if she doesn't, I am certain I cannot live this way though. And at 45yrs, she SHOULD be able to hold her liquor better than that.


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## trey69

Make sure you do less talking and more action, because you can't reason with an alcoholic. The best thing to do is to take care of yourself. You can start by finding and attending local Alanon meetings in your area. Also her age has nothing to do with how she should be able to hold her liquor. Shes an alcoholic, it has nothing to do with age, race, religion gender, etc etc.


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## AgentD

Get info on alcoholism. Attend Alanon meetings and then after awhile of doing some soul searching, make a choice how you feel you should live your life. Either with or without her. Either way, you still need to learn to take care of you and fix yourself, because you can't fix her.


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## Freak On a Leash

She's not going to change anytime soon. She'll say she is and maybe she'll change for awhile but unless she takes some drastic action it's just going to be a never ending cycle of the same old thing. You can't change her. Nothing you say or do will change her. Eventually you'll get sick of it and leave..if you are smart. 

Alcoholics blame everyone else for their bad behavior and for their drinking. It's never their fault. They always have an excuse for their drinking and their actions. And they love only ONE thing..their bottle of booze. Everything else comes second. Even after they've lost everything and everyone, they won't stop drinking. 

I can introduce her to my alcoholic husband. Sounds like they deserve each other.  In the meantime, I'd suggest keeping her away from anyone else when she drinks. I feel sorry for that boyfriend and her daughter.


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## WillPrez

You find out the reason of alcoholism and solve the problem with a counselor and persuade her about bed effect of alcoholism.


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