# Kids reaction to seperation.



## 3littleangelsmom (Aug 11, 2011)

My husband and I are into our 3rd month of seperation. Our kids are 13, 10, and 3. I think my kids have a very distorted and disconnected idea of what marriage and family is all about. 
We have a slew of issues in our marriage, but have never fought in front of them, the tension and coldness, lack of emotion, affection etc... have given them this idea of marriage to the point of not being affected by our seperation and possible divorce.
My 13 year old... says when we talk about it... "it would be kinda cool to have two houses and spend a week here and one there." His concern was how to split up his legos between the two homes. He also asked if he could help me pick out my house. His other concern about possible remarriage was "do I have to change my last night like you"?
My 10 years old... "its your choice mom. It will all work out. I am fine with it. Two Christmas' ... awesome!" 
My 3 year old ... "currently calls our home , Daddy's house" When looking at his wedding ring, she asked "what's that?" She was told it was to tell everyone he was married to mommy. She then asked him when he was going to marry someone else.

Has anyone else had this experience? My therapist says usually children are devestated. Mine are so indifferent....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I was 12 when my parents divorced and I was happy. I don't know why...I just was. Life was better after my parents were away from each other.

Now, my older daughter is indifferent (but it's not her dad). Our 2.5 year old doesn't notice too much. He worked a LOT when he lived here (he has 12 hour days) and so when he's not here, we just say he's at work and she's ok with that.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

3littleangelsmom said:


> My husband and I are into our 3rd month of seperation. Our kids are 13, 10, and 3. I think my kids have a very distorted and disconnected idea of what marriage and family is all about.


At this particular moment in time, I think it is safe to say that most adults also have a disconnected and distorted view of what marriage and family is all about.

I am a big believer that how the kids feel will be mirrored according to how the parents handle the separation.

If mom and dad are distraught, bitter, angry or melancholy, then the kids will feel like the bottom has fallen out of their world. If mom and dad remain focused on maintaining the kids welfare, and remain respectful towards one another, than the impact is exponentially less traumatic.

Are you ok with the fact that they are ok? Whether they are ambivalent or not, to me is immaterial if they appear to be happy, well adjusted and functioning.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

With all due respect, I think that giving the kids a model for adult intimate relationships that has separation (which usually goes with selfishness) as a major factor is working against their future ability to have a successful marriage relationship for themselves. I see this right now where my wife grew up in an unstable household and now she is creating instability in our marriage and I can see how it affects our kids, especially our daughter. I can't express the depth of my sadness


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

For my kids, ages 8 and 6, their dad was gone 8 months out of the year for work ( for the last 4 years), so they arent affected just yet. They think that he is just working alot. 

We are going to move halfway around the world here next month and they understand that they will only see him once a year. But like I said, for us it has always been this way, disconnected. I was worried at first, but no longer.

My youngest did ask if dad was gonna marry again and get new kids....broke my heart. STBX left us for OW.


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