# Is he having an emotional affair?



## AmISeeingThings (Sep 4, 2014)

I need an objective opinion! (I apologize for the long post).

Basics: married to H for 13 years; 2 kids under 6yrs;very thoughtful & respectful with us; is very friendly with everyone he meets (men & women).

I took a quick look (I never had before; I wanted to respect his privacy) at H's phone and saw hundreds of texts to/from a female friend. He never deleted the log. 

The texts are not inappropriate at all. But my heart raced when I saw the frequency and times: about 30 every 2 or 3 days, sometimes starting before 8am, while he is still home. A lot of days she was the first person he texted or she texted him. Then I saw the call log: they call each other about 8:30am every other day; then again at lunch and then at end of day; some last 10 minutes some 30. You can tell when he has called and maybe not gotten an answer because there will be about 3-4 calls back to back until he gets a hold of her and they chat for about 20 minutes or so. 

She is a clerk and he has to see her at least once a week for work purposes. Over the years we have gone out to dinner together with her and her husband. I just never knew they had this much contact. 

He agreed to stop. I checked on the account on-line and saw that they did stop texting as much but now they were talking on the phone even longer. We had arguments and he started deleting texts after I asked him not to do so. Then he lied about deleting them. After about a month of living in a pain and a fog, I told him I just needed time and space. I couldn't deal with the lying. After many emotional long talks and lots of crying, he agreed to stop contacting her. But because of work, he cannot cut off all communication. Again, he has to see her once a week, every week. He always said they were never inappropriate and showed me his phone. But they were leaving music voice messages to each other; and referring to each other by movie character names (nothing sexual); are we 13years old?! 

Now, I can't stop obsessing over this. I checked and she has e-mailed about random things. She has asked that he give her 'a buzz' about work stuff. Now she is talking to his father about taking some religious course with him; and of course, she would like to talk about the class with H (but he doesn't volunteer this info). I've checked the online account, and he has called her office maybe 1 or 2 times very briefly in the last month but nothing else. He insists they are/were just friends and nothing else; that it only bothered me. 

Is she just a good friend? or something else?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Seems like he is not based on what you wrote.

Personally, I don't believe in male/female friendships.......

I also strongly recommend against opposite sex friends while in a relationship/marriage. In many (most) it's a boundary.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

yes

hiding a relationship (or scope) from a spouse = emotional affair


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

If he feels the need to censor or hide...then he knows he is doing somethign wrong.

period.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

He might be in the early stages of an EA. The fact that he continued to contact her after you told him how much you don't like it is a huge red flag. 

Are you sure he isn't deleting any messages?


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## AmISeeingThings (Sep 4, 2014)

I've check the on-line account, and no, there are maybe 1 or 2 texts and or brief calls. But I wouldn't know about his e-mail. During one of our arguments, he said it is just easy to talk to her. They would text all day long, even during our last family vacation. I don't want to be the crazy, possessive wife, but I almost just need a pair of independent eyes.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I know the feeling.... you want to be fair and reasonable........ but then those two don't seem to be thinking about their respective spouses..... so, um, yes, you have to put the hammer down.

Perhaps, you can remind us: Is there any reason related to work that she needs to contact your husband out side of work hours?


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

As mentioned above, even if the 'relationship' is just friendship and all above board....the fact this he needs to hide it screams that something is wrong.

Good luck.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

I would look at his actions, not his words. Cheaters lie, so pay attention to what he is doing. 

Just based off of the amount of time he is spending communicating with her, I would say you have reason to be concerned. If he stops communicating with her, then you should be fine. 

You might want to consider quietly snooping until you are confident he is limiting his time with her.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

AmISeeingThings said:


> I've check the on-line account, and no, there are maybe 1 or 2 texts and or brief calls. But I wouldn't know about his e-mail. During one of our arguments, he said it is just easy to talk to her. They would text all day long, even during our last family vacation. I don't want to be the crazy, possessive wife, but I almost just need a pair of independent eyes.


he's getting emotional support and validation from another woman...and feels the need to hide it. He's expending emotional energy on a 3rd party frequently.

this is exactly how deep EAs start and then move to PAs


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

When your significant other is talking to OM/OW more than you then some need is being met.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It could be just friendship but the reality is the relationship is making you uncomfortable. In my mind he needs to make a decision which relationship is his priority. Any attempt to carry on this relationship with the other woman...particularly if it requires hiding it...is disrespectful to you. 

He could decide you're being unreasonable and let you know he will continue with it in which case you have a decision to make. 

By no means should he continue it and hide it. This is a recipe for hurt on a lot of fronts.


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## msmandy (Sep 3, 2014)

I have recently gone thru something very similar with my H. If it isnt and EA _yet, it may turn into one. It did with my H. In my case it was also someone he did business with, and the calls got longer, then turned to text, then he ended up getting a burner phone so they could talk and I couldnt see the numbers on the phone records.
You need to investigate this. Dont go by what he says. If they are communicating any more than they need to for business, something more is up. 

I'm sorry for your situation, I know how it feels. Good luck!!_


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

It depends on what they are talking about and the tone of the discussions. Relationships do not have to be sexual to be emotional affairs. My H was clearly involved with OW's on an emotional level. He thought they were fine because they were not sexual. I didn't approve, neither did the MC. I am attaching an article on EA's that I have found accurate and stresses that they do not have to sexual to be inappropriate.

Emotional Affairs - Recognizing and Coping With Emotional Infidelity


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

It's an emotional affair. With that much back-and-forth communication they're both getting dopamine (pleasure chemical) hits with each text and each call. Just because it hasn't gone physical or haven't talked about sex yet doesn't mean they're not bonding. As they continue to bond, the danger increases that they share with each other how much they like (or love?) each other. Then comes the dissatisfaction with their spouses, and then it's ILYBINILWY.....You've already told him you're not happy with it, yet he won't stop. He's addicted to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

None of us, no matter what they say, can diagnose your husband as having an EA or not. It's downright irresponsible to state so.

Your husband could be having an EA or she could very well be just a friend whom he enjoys talking to.

What matters is whether that bothers you (clearly it does) and whether he truly is willing to give up this woman. If the answer to the last question is "no", what do you plan to do about it?


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

Your uneasiness in this situation is natural. You have lost trust in your H because he has lied to you. Also, he has put you in the position of being the parent, the enforcer, the bad-guy by taking away his fun. He has put himself in a position to simply enjoy this woman without any cost. He jokes around with her all day, and then faces the reality of family and home with you. Can you demonstrate that he spent more "quality" time with her rather than you when he was texting and phoning her? Its hard for a mother and wife to compete with someone who is offering a H fun with no strings. Her involvement with your H's father is concerning as well. How did that introduction happen? She is involved with your extended family? Your H should be putting your emotional needs first by doing everything in his power to assure you that there is no emotional involvement with this woman and to help you heal from this hurt. He has clearly crossed boundaries, "affair" or not.

Did you or are you able to document any of the texts they exchanged? Do you have the phone records printed and in a safe place? If you don't, do as much as you can. Also, research two users here on Tam, Weightlifter and Gus Polinski. They can help you recover text messages even after they are deleted.

If I were in your shoes (my situation was similar) I would print out as much as I could. Then I would drag H to an MC with the text messages in hand, three copies...one for you, one for H and one for MC. Read them aloud, even let H read the parts about the cartoon characters. My H was embarrassed when he had to face some of the stuff he wrote to his OW's in the face of someone he respected. See how H feels when he has to read the part where she calls him Peter Pan and he calls her Tinkerbell. Let MC do the heavy lifting in convincing your H that this is a bigger issue than he has admitted.

You and your H need to get on the same page as to what this relationship and he needs to demonstrate true remorse in order for you to get past this. Its not going to go away easily. Also, your H needs to suffer consequences for crossing boundaries. If not, he has no incentive not to do it again.

Also, get the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. You and your H should both read it.


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## AmISeeingThings (Sep 4, 2014)

Thank you all for the comments. I have not spoken to anyone about this and sometimes felt like it was consuming me. Yes, I agree there were needs that were not being met. We drifted apart over the years and our marriage had become stale. Since this happened, I have seen a real effort on both our parts to have conversations of substance and grow closer. Things have been very positive lately. 

But then I see her e-mails when I peek at his phone. I feel like she's trying to reach out to him. Yet, he does not volunteer any info about her e-mailing him. And I wonder if he is deleting e-mails...etc. When I ask him about her, he insists they are just friends and I'm the only one who saw anything wrong with it. Because I see such a positive change, I have chosen to believe/hope/wish that this is the end of it. However, I will remain vigilant and just deal with the anger/confusion and self-doubt that lingers on. If I find any hard evidence of continued contact, I will have to move on. I don't believe this situation is or would be healthy for anyone. Because if he is not happy with me, then we both deserve the chance to find happiness on our own.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

AmISeeingThings said:


> Thank you all for the comments. I have not spoken to anyone about this and sometimes felt like it was consuming me. Yes, I agree there were needs that were not being met. We drifted apart over the years and our marriage had become stale. Since this happened, I have seen a real effort on both our parts to have conversations of substance and grow closer. Things have been very positive lately.
> 
> But then I see her e-mails when I peek at his phone. I feel like she's trying to reach out to him. Yet, he does not volunteer any info about her e-mailing him. And I wonder if he is deleting e-mails...etc. When I ask him about her, he insists they are just friends and I'm the only one who saw anything wrong with it. Because I see such a positive change, I have chosen to believe/hope/wish that this is the end of it. However, I will remain vigilant and just deal with the anger/confusion and self-doubt that lingers on. If I find any hard evidence of continued contact, I will have to move on. I don't believe this situation is or would be healthy for anyone. Because if he is not happy with me, then we both deserve the chance to find happiness on our own.


Yea, suspecting that your spouse is having / had an affair really sucks. It can be all consuming. It sounds like what you are saying is that you will divorce him if you find out he is lying. Is that correct? Does he know where you stand? Do you have the ability to confirm his truthfulness?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

AmISeeingThings said:


> he said it is just easy to talk to her.


Meaning, she is getting the relationship with him that he should be giving to YOU. I suspect he feels obligations to you, or he has baggage from previous fights or expectations from you, and you have gone from being 'on his side' to being 'in the other corner' (i.e., antagonists). 

What's your marriage like? How much time do you spend together away from kids? How many conversations do you have a week that are about anything other than kids/chores/work? In other words, are you two 'dating' like he's dating HER? He's likely feeling withdrawal at having to give up the 'feel good' he had with her. But you can create that feel good instead. It just takes effort on your part. (and him no longer contacting her, of course)

But FIRST, you need to contact her YOURSELF and tell her to leave your husband alone.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

He will probably buy a burner phone.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

YES, THIS. Is a huge emotional affair.

You must contact this woman's husband ASAP. 

Also, your husband should be having no contact AT ALL with this woman. If it means a new job then he needs a new job. 

Post this is the coping with infidelity section of this forum and get some responses. Several deep affairs started this way unless they were nipped ASAP and the OW's husband was told. 

Rediculous behavior and incredibly disrespectful to you.


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## AmISeeingThings (Sep 4, 2014)

Yes, I divorce has to be the #1 option if the constant contact and lying about the contact were to continue; I told him this about a month ago. I struggled with this because it sounds like such a dire consequence for all of us. But the lying just told me there was much more that he was feeling. I do think they were in the early stages of an EA. 

(sigh) Where has anyone found a burner phone (other than in his car)? I don't think he has one, but many of you have mentioned it.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

AmISeeingThings said:


> (sigh) Where has anyone found a burner phone (other than in his car)? I don't think he has one, but many of you have mentioned it.


Probably calling her from an office phone. Or messaging on a company computer. A burner phone possibly...but it would be at work too I bet. Maybe in his car. Look for refill cards, receipts, etc. There are tons of chat apps they could be using. Check for whatsapp, viber, words with friends, etc in his last used apps. 

If he has laptop bag, or gym bag that comes in and out of the car, check that.

If they had a pattern of calling at 8:30AM and Lunch, I'd assume the conversations were sometimes in the car. Spot check him with a VAR velcro'd under the seat for a few days.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Look in gym bags, drawers, pocket of pants or jackets hanging in the closet, the garage, a hollow rock in the flower bed...any place he might go to before he sees you so he can stash it and not be caught holding it when he sees you.


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

I just want to caution you that if you find something you MUST not confront until you have thought out what you are going to say. Look here for guidance if it comes to that. Back off discussing it with him for now. So far, you have done a soft confront and as you can see, it doesn't work. It leaves you really not feeling comforted and gives him the opportunity to take it underground.

I am not saying that your H is continuing in this relationship. I really don't know. Read some of the threads in the Coping with Infidelity section for some insight. There is a recent one where the poster thought his W was stepping out, turns out that she wasn't, so not all news is bad.

My thoughts are the VAR in the car would be productive.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In my mind in a marriage you need to be able to trust your spouse. You can check his e-mails, search his pockets, put a VAR in his car, hire a PI...the list goes on...and what if you find nothing? Will you then be able to trust him? 

In my mind it's not about being right...it's about being able to live the way you want to live. At some point you need to make the leap and either trust him...or not. To me if you don't feel you will ever be able relax and trust him what is the point of verifying whether your mistrust is justified or not? 

I believe in following your gut on this kind of thing. Too many of us are manipulated by our desire to want to believe the best of people.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

TAM statistics say this is an EA and it is continued because of that.

I hope your are in the statistical exception area, but you need to check this and not confront him with any evidence.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't think you need to go the VAR route or the find the burner phone route. You KNOW this is an EA, you don't suspect it, you know it.

I'm not sure that I could come back from this, but that's me. How would I ever trust hubby again? How would I know he doesn't have a secret phone? A secret email? I wouldn't. I couldn't live like that.

What could he possibly have to talk about with her 3 times a day?? In between multiple texts? Please. I don't know of a single man who enjoys that much time on the phone.

You need to play hardball. At the very least, seek advice from a lawyer. You don't need to do anything with the advice, but you need to know your rights, obligations and options. Knowledge is power.

Your husband is being incredibly disrespectful to you and your children. All this time he's spending texting and talking to this other woman, is taking away from you and the kids. Not on.

I'd be telling her husband too. There's 2 marriages on the line here. This is serious.


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## Vivid (Aug 28, 2014)

I'm sorry you're going through this. I would be very worried if it were me. Three times a day on the phone? That's not normal. She is getting an awful lot of his time and energy.

I'm not sure what else you can do really. Keep watching I suppose.


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## AmISeeingThings (Sep 4, 2014)

Funny thing, a friend came to set up our Xbox and asked him for his email password. I have checked it and they were e-mailing constantly as well! That was way before our blow out. Now, I have to let this go; I will try to trust but am vigilant. I have not found another phone but will not be going the VAR route. I feel that goes beyond a certain boundary. Isn't that funny? But I am vigilant. I do pop into his e-mail and still check the online phone account. I need to break this obsession. The question still hounds me, if they never expressed any feelings about or to each other, was this an EA? Still, I have to remind myself that I don't e-mail, call and text a girlfriend that much within ONE day! so, what is this then?


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

A VAR in the car will pick up two people in a car, not just a phone call...

Contact the OWH and mention these conversations and some detail.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

AmISeeingThings said:


> so, what is this then?


What it always is.

Sex.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Imagine this scenario: you talk all day with a man from work, emailing, texting, he's even getting cosy with your parents, you give each other nicknames, you find he was so easy to talk to that you just want to talk constantly via any means you can find. You don't tell your husband about any of it, but he stumbles over all the contact.

Your husband starts to get concerned. You tell him, "it's nothing, don't worry", and you take it under ground, ramping up the contact and all the while fobbing off your husband, keeping it secret. This other man is just too special to you to cut off contact, despite how it makes your husband feel.

How do you feel being that person?

I don't know about you, but it would sicken me to be that person and hurt my DH like that.

Should you be angry? Do you think you have a right to be treated like you matter? Then yes, you should be angry.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

So cheating its a boundary he will cross but finding our is there is cheating so you can protect your marriage is one you will not?


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

AmISeeingThings said:


> Funny thing, a friend came to set up our Xbox and asked him for his email password. I have checked it and they were e-mailing constantly as well! That was way before our blow out. Now, I have to let this go; I will try to trust but am vigilant. * I have not found another phone but will not be going the VAR route. I feel that goes beyond a certain boundary. * Isn't that funny? But I am vigilant. I do pop into his e-mail and still check the online phone account. I need to break this obsession. The question still hounds me, if they never expressed any feelings about or to each other, was this an EA? Still, I have to remind myself that I don't e-mail, call and text a girlfriend that much within ONE day! so, what is this then?


It's too bad you won't go with the VAR. There's a great chance your questions would be answered using it.


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## AmISeeingThings (Sep 4, 2014)

I had so many lingering quesitions that I decided on to use a VAR. I've used it several days now and have not heard anything of concern. He did leave her a very business like message before work hours once but nothing else. She has reached out constantly via email, but I don't see him responding. Today though, he mentioned being in that office last week (talking to her boss). So, I am wondering if he just drops by that office everytime he is in that building?! That is why the phone logs don't show any more calls! He is in that building about 2 to 3x per week for legitimate purposes.

Question: if they never expressed any feelings for each other, would this be an EA? (just the constant emails, texts and calls)

I was so naive; I thought I had done a full confrontation but now I realize it was a "soft" one. Now I have no way of knowing if he is in her office when he has to be in that building.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

To be honest my mother was having an EA (she never admitted to being physical) but her and this man would text and talk on the phone all day long, email and even talk while she was on family vacations. My stepdad ended up finding emails between them, she was saying things like she couldn't wait to be with him and raise the kids with him. 

I think you definitely had a reason to be concerned of the frequency of contact between your H and this woman. Even though through texts it may seem innocent you have no idea what they were talking about on the phone. You should be the one he is calling and texting all day not another woman.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

AmISeeingThings said:


> I had so many lingering quesitions that I decided on to use a VAR. I've used it several days now and have not heard anything of concern. He did leave her a very business like message before work hours once but nothing else.
> 
> So no red flags.
> 
> ...


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

AmISeeingThings said:


> *I've check the on-line account, and no, there are maybe 1 or 2 texts and or brief calls. * But I wouldn't know about his e-mail. During one of our arguments, he said it is just easy to talk to her. * They would text all day long, even during our last family vacation*. I don't want to be the crazy, possessive wife, but I almost just need a pair of independent eyes.


I do not understand the facts.
Are those two lines not contradictory?

- What is their work relation exactly?

- what information do they have to share for their work?

Texting during the vacation AND texting all day long are two red flags in itself, aside from the content.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Everyone comes on here so concerned with accurately pinpointing whether it's an affair, emotional affair, friendship etc.

Guess what? YOU are the person who decides whether a relationship like this is acceptable to YOU. You have enough facts to make that determination. It clearly is not acceptable to you. So, what you need to know is what kind of man are you married to? Is it one that is willing to do what his wife needs him to do, or is he one that is unwilling to do what his wife needs him to do? If you have the latter, I have no idea why you would stay married.


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## AmISeeingThings (Sep 4, 2014)

See Listen Love: about the contradicting statements- they texted sometimes 30x before he and I had our big arguments about it; afterwards, they did maybe 2 or 3x p/week. 

Now, her e-mails are about her dog, her bad day, is he going to a certain class, how to get to a certain place, questions about random things not business related. Then there are real business emails. He'll respond with yes or no answers. 

He was in that building yesterday. I asked him, and he confirmed that he was in her office to schedule something. Today is the day of the week everyone has to be in that office. 

I've been doing this for several months now, and was starting to feel like that was doable. Maybe it is not such a big deal. I've read through Coping with Infidelity and now know about "sweeping under the rug". Wish I had found this forum before our big confrontations months ago. I suppose MC is now the way to go; my insides turn just thinking about it. Thanks for "listening". Feeling very defeated and angry because I have done nothing wrong and feel like I'm the one trying to fix it. In all fairness, he has been making an effort at home.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Sounds to me like he's trying to deter her attention but she's not getting the message.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

q tip said:


> a var in the car will pick up two people in a car, not just a phone call...
> 
> Contact the owh and mention these conversations and some detail.


do this asap!!


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Everyone comes on here so concerned with accurately pinpointing whether it's an affair, emotional affair, friendship etc.
> 
> Guess what? YOU are the person who decides whether a relationship like this is acceptable to YOU. You have enough facts to make that determination. It clearly is not acceptable to you. So, what you need to know is what kind of man are you married to? Is it one that is willing to do what his wife needs him to do, or is he one that is unwilling to do what his wife needs him to do? If you have the latter, I have no idea why you would stay married.


Just read a thread about someone discovering his wife had an affair while he thought there were relational problems between the two of them.

There were, but they were caused because of the affair. So it is imperative to know all about a possible EA/PA. The method of dealing with the marriage depends on the right knowledge of the situation. The perception of the OP is often not right.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

AmISeeingThings said:


> But I am vigilant. *I do pop into his e-mail* and still check the online phone account.


Ok, that's all fine and well, but do you know how easy it is to create a new, "dummy" email account that you wouldn't even know exists?

AOL, Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail... they're all free, very easy to set up, and you would never know he's emailing from that account.

Personally, I'd go for the VAR.

Just sayin'...


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

Hi AIST

Don't beat yourself up over how you reacted shortly after DDay. There are very few people that do it right at first. Just make sure your moves from here on out are well thought out.

You seem to be questioning whether this is/was an EA? WS and AP do not have to discuss feelings for it to be an EA. Heck, there are plenty of PA's where feelings are not discussed. Unlike PA's, EA's are hard to define. You have to put a lot of little pieces together to get a complete picture of the relationship. I would say that it's about how much space an OW occupies inside a WS's head. At some point, the BS gets replaced, attention-wise and eventually emotionally. Your H was clearly headed down this path. He and OW had pet names, exchanged music videos, had regular lunches and phone contact and were each other's first call when they left the house in the morning. AIST, ask yourself, is there any other friendship, male or female, where you H acted like this? Has your H ever acted like this with the best man in your wedding? Your H has lied to you about this relationship and has fought with you about it. Why did it mean so much to him?

OW's continued reaching out is troublesome. This points to the level of emotional investment on her part. Is she just having a hard time letting go (not good) or is your H still sending signals that its OK for her to contact him for non-business matters (also not good)?

Continue the VAR, a few days is not enough. Read Not Just Friends. It will validate how you feel. I had gone through 6 months of MC and had been in R for 15 months when I finally read it and it still provided a wealth of insight to me.

Do you have evidence of all of the interactions you have seen?

Your H needs to be transparent with you as to how much contact he has with OW. Has he told you about any of the emails she has sent him? He made need to send a no contact letter to OW. Also, you may need to expose her to her H. Your H needs to be doing everything in his power to heal you from the trust he has broken. He hasn't even admitted it was an inappropriate relationship! Hold off on MC until you have a clear picture of what you want from it. You are going to have to hit him with a 2x4 the next time you confront.


My only other thought is whether or not your H is exposed to some sort of sexual harassment claim since this is a work relationship.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sounds like something is up between them. I'm sorry.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You need to talk to her husband immediately. Let him apply pressure to his wife. Your husband lies to you and has not given up communication with this woman. She contacts his father about taking a class with him! Talk to your father in law. She is trying to get him to agree to this relationship. How did she become a close friend to his father? 

Let all of them know that you are not allright with this excessive contact. This will lead to a physical affair in no time. Your husband is demonstrating that he prefers her company than yours, as he continues to contact her inspite of your objections. Your husband is spending more time communicating with her than with you. She is more of a friend than you are. "The best defense is offense." Take action.


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## dougy (Nov 8, 2014)

It sounds like a pretty bad situation, but maybe if it could be nipped in the bud in some way then it may still be salvageable. Like the above poster said i would talk to the other women or her husband. Your husband has clearly developed some kind of emotional dependancy on this woman and its not healthy for that to be going on in a marriage. I once dated a girl long distance. Towards the end she became distant and seemed to have little time for me but would not tell me there was anything wrong when i confronted her. My last visit to her i noticed she spent a lot of time on her computer chatting to people, one guy in particular. I broke the relationship off during that visit, not over that but because she acted unpleasant towards me, probably done on purpose so i would be the one to end it. Anyway a few months later it turned out she started a relationship with that guy she was chatting with. Some people have no problem about lieing or downplaying emotional affairs, which aren't really much different to real affairs in my view, but sure, being married can be stressful and sometimes a wife or husband can be lured into these situations. Your husband needs to break this off immediately if he values his marriage otherwise this situation will only deteriorate further.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

My position is that "work opposite sex married/partnered friends" only have work in common & once the workday ends, so does all communication except in very rare circumstances limited to only work issues, nothing personal.

Please take the advice in the CWI section of this site on how to proceed.


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