# Seperating and still living together



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

Well for all of you going through seperation, I find my situation very difficult. We agreed to seperate and in the agreement we chose to live in the same house until we sold it. We are still frineds as we do go out and have fun, but once out, she will flirt with every guy she cans, tease them, dance with them and then ask me for a ride home. 

She is now doing things that if she had done while we were married we probably still be married. What the hell is that all about? I do not get it. She is taking care of her finances, getting to be very social, hangin out with our friends. Very motivated to get things done. 

I asked her why she is stepping up and getting so invoilved and having all this energy to take care of things and move forward so fast. Things I always asked to do when we were married but she would never step up. Much to my disapointment, her answer was why should she have I was doing it all... then she got pissed... Now she is angry with me as I could not beleive this. 

Please explain this behviour to me?.. How can she be pissed at me now, when obviously she was taking advantage of me and my situation.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Sounds like she is working on herself esteem and trying to prove to herself that she can make it on her own (responsibility of the bill, etc). There are a few of us in a similar situation with posts about still living with the stbx. 

I can tell you from experience that hanging out with her that closely won't be healthy for you. You need to start setting some healthy boundaries. If she is leaving you she doesn't get to have her fun and then still have you to support her (emotionally, etc). You don't have to be mean, just start working on moving on. 

As much as I didn't/don't want to, I took a relly good job two states away and I think getting some separation will help me long-term. Maybe You should consider moving out as well.


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

I understand your point, however, after 28 years it is rather interesting. I have for the most part emotionally moved on but I still do care about her wellbeing... We are friends, and would like to keep that as she has no one besides my family. No I do not feel sorry for her but concerned as she is a good person. We have just realized over the last 5 to 8 years that we have grown apart. 

As far as moving out, we both do not want to add extra burden on either of us financially. We could afford it but it would be almost impossible to carry extra notes at this time as our financials are tied up in investments. Once we sell the house, we will be moving on. Or until I get new gig that pay more and then I can afford to pay for both. (In the works) 

My goal is to keep her in the family and try to stay friends; she is naive to say the least... She has only lived with me... and she is starting to learn about self-sufficiency the hard way. 
On another note, she live in half the house and I live in the other half, sort of odd.. We hardly speak to each other and that is hard, especially since we see each other every day. 

We both know getting apart will be best for each of us. I do care for her and do not want her to be hurt by some player… Yes it is up to her however I still care, and always will… We do have to move on and we both know it. 

I agree moving to another state would be great and I am looking to the DFW area but there is a problem that I have with all of this. It takes so long to move when you are not well connected.. So it all takes time, probably too much time, so this leaves me in a dilemma. Staying in Washington State for a while and at the same time look at other areas for work. 

Just a lot of stress to deal with, Separation, selling house, long hours on the job, job hunting, relocation, selling family business…. just a bunch of crap. 

However I am still sane and solid... I actually have been talking to a real good friend, female, who I have know for a while and she helps counsel me. Although in a perfect world, I would move in her.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't see how anyone can be separated and still living together. If you're living together, you may not be talking or sleeping in the same bed, but you're not separated. You're just living in a bad marriage.

You or her need to move out. Why in the world would you continue to go out together if you're getting divorced? That's just self-inflicted pain.


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> I don't see how anyone can be separated and still living together. If you're living together, you may not be talking or sleeping in the same bed, but you're not separated. You're just living in a bad marriage.
> 
> You or her need to move out. Why in the world would you continue to go out together if you're getting divorced? That's just self-inflicted pain.



Well in the State of Washington the leagal speration is basically a divorce. You are right. Why you ask? We Just have to work out the moving out part. Don't get me wrong, we both know this.. And we are in the process however, financially we can not afford to move out at this time. Our money is tied up something awfull. It is going to take time to disolve some of this with out large penalties. We get the dileimna of this. However we live in seperate areas of a large house and it is working for the most part. We realize that going out together is not smart, but it is hard to break a 28 year old habit. 
We are doing what we need to do. Neither one of us has been single before and for lack of better verbiage we are codependant in many ways. A habit that is rather difficult to terminate. We both still care deeply for each other and that is what makes it hard. Our house is on the market at a good price and once it moves, we will have the equity to use. I get it, she gets it.It is f'ed up to say the least.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

No worry here, I did the same thing. However mine ended drastically different. I can say that Washington states procedures rule. If you want, 90 days and divorce is final. No "trial separation" or all that "1 year" nonsense some states require. 

I feel for you and your situation. I started doing a lot of prep to move on, we agreed to sell the house together. We lived together and it just ended up with her trying to sleep with me every night.

I commend you on your demeanor and I'm in the Tri-Cities, if you ever need to grab a beer I'm always open to listen! 

Take care and wish you all the best.


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

Mtts said:


> No worry here, I did the same thing. However mine ended drastically different. I can say that Washington states procedures rule. If you want, 90 days and divorce is final. No "trial separation" or all that "1 year" nonsense some states require.
> 
> I feel for you and your situation. I started doing a lot of prep to move on, we agreed to sell the house together. We lived together and it just ended up with her trying to sleep with me every night.
> 
> ...


Yes in WA we do have a "few" good rules. Seperation being one of them. We still have plenty of accounts that are co-mingled... Medical, dental, cell phone, etc... We have found that this works well for our situation, however, it does hav e its limitations.. and stress... I can not wait until we have our own lives again... Right now it is difficult. As fars as sleeping together that has long been gone.. Years in fact, one of the problems we have... When you have to get her drunk to have sex.. time to move on....

Anothe rbig complaint she never understood is she elevates her animals above me in this relationship... even our MC told her that is a bad idea but... it is funny... but she does not get that when her dogs have priority over me... I get mad and want to move on... 

I guess, I was only here to pay the bills and take care of all her issues. Well she is on her own now... Too friggin bad... She does everything she can to be passive aggressive but it really does not bother me that much...


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