# Just found out wife left me for OM... could use support



## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

I could really use some help right now... Been with my wife for 9 years, married 3.

Just found out my wife took off to live 12 hours away (Pa to NH) to live with OM (That i just found out about him last week). She took the family van (our only car), quit her job, left all the kids (3 boys ages 18, 15, 8), and said she would be back next month sometime. The 2 older boys are my step sons, only the 8yo is ours together. She left me with no way to even get to work on monday or get food for everyone (we live in a rural area).

The house and car are both in my name, purchased before married. I know a lot of what i need to do financially to get secured and i need to go see lawyer ASAP for definate answers. This is my 2nd divorce. But does anyone know about the child custody ramifications about this (especially with my 8yo autistic son, and he really misses his mom). Is this abandonment? and can this help me in any way? I was thinking of telling her to get my stepsons out and take them with her, but then i thought it may help my custody case in the future (i live in Pa, USA). They all want to stay here anyhow... the oldest is joining Army asap.

Please help... Thanks...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dial 911 and report her to the police for stealing your car. *Now*.

You might be able to get her to contribute funds for the keep of her children.

You'll need a lawyer.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

See a lawyer ASAP. You at very likely be able to file a theft charge for taking the car.

Have you cancelled credit cards and taken money out of joint accounts?

If you know details of the OM post them on cheaterville.com


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Talk to an attorney. Laws are different by state but her leaving should make everyrhing easier. Talk to your mortgage company. Look into social services in your area. File and get temporary custody. 

You are in pretty good legal standing. Start working on yourself.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Another thing I was curious about... 

My wife told the kids (not even me directly) that she was leaving and staying in NH. I found out about the OM via FB, she posted everything. Like saying where she was living, status being in a new relationship with this new guy, and Pics with them together. Should I contact this guy and and let him know she left her 3 children and husband?? And that she is a Lying, stealing, sheating, SOB?? Which is the truth throughout our relationship.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> Another thing I was curious about...
> 
> My wife told the kids (not even me directly) that she was leaving and staying in NH. I found out about the OM via FB, she posted everything. Like saying where she was living, status being in a new relationship with this new guy, and Pics with them together. Should I contact this guy and and let him know she left her 3 children and husband?? And that she is a Lying, stealing, sheating, SOB?? Which is the truth throughout our relationship.


Disclose to everyone and send him a note. No question. I hope you have family.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The Guy doesn't care. He's getting laid and that is all he cares about.

Did you adopt her kids? If not then she is big trouble because she abandoned her own kids. Call cps on her.

If the car is in your name, hire a retrieval company to bring it home.

File D papers,

So how does she know the guy in NH?

I betting that once he finds she has no money nd kids combining to live with him, she will be kicked out.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Thanks for all the quick replies...

Finanically i know what to do... CC, joint accounts, paycheck, etc... One thing I would also like to mention is she was mostly a SAHM, worked off and on a lot part-time. I am the bread winner, she has never contributed financially and she was a major SUCCUBUS. Most of my concerns are about the children at this time because my last divorce was childless, so this is new territory for me.

I also need to see a Lawyer ASAP, but its saturday night so not many to call right now. I do need to mental reassurance though to help carry me through the weekend (I am going bonkers). I live in the Pit,Pa area... anyone know any good lawyers???


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Put her kids on a plane and send them to live with her.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Did you adopt her kids?
If not then call child protective service immediately and report it.

Is the van in both your names? If not call the police and report it stolen.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> The Guy doesn't care. He's getting laid and that is all he cares about.
> 
> Did you adopt her kids? If not then she is big trouble because she abandoned her own kids. Call cps on her.
> 
> ...


I know the guy probably just wants to get laid... I think he still lives with his momma. Oh and BTW we are both 38yo.

No i never adopted the kids.

The car is in my name. and the registration is up at the end of month and the inspection is overdue.

She met him online i assume...


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Did you adopt her kids?
> If not then call child protective service immediately and report it.
> 
> Is the van in both your names? If not call the police and report it stolen.


Never adopted kids..

I dont want to cause a big issue with protective service or police before i contact my lawyer. I kinda like her gone right now and the kids are my family (dont want to screw them over).


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> I do need to mental reassurance though to help carry me through the weekend (I am going bonkers)...


For immediate "going bonkers" help, consider calling a toll-free crisis center hotline. They can listen to your story, which helps a lot as far as you being able to vent your feelings, and they may be able to help direct you to resources that may be of benefit to you. Your wife is unbelievable. To abandon her children and you like that...I don't know how any woman can behave that way toward her own children, except to say she must be mentally ill. What she did is appalling to say it mildly. Good luck and do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

At a minimum cut off her access to money. No credit, no ATM.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Calm yourself. Think rationally. Stay away from alcohol for now. If you have relatives living nearby see if they can help with the kids. Don't let the kids see you panic. Reassure them that they will be ok.

And you will be okay.

When do you have to report back to work? If you have an understanding boss call him in the morning - Monday is MLK day so lawyers won't be working. Plan ahead for the next few days to ensure some stability for the kids.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> I know the guy probably just wants to get laid... I think he still lives with his momma. Oh and BTW we are both 38yo.
> 
> No i never adopted the kids.
> 
> ...


Oh. Then you need to call CPS now (they'll have an emergency line, I presume) to protect your own back re the younger of the stepchildren. You need to get CPS involved early so as to create a paper trail to stop your wife blindsiding you with bogus reports of spousal and/or child abuse.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Calm yourself. Think rationally. Stay away from alcohol for now. If you have relatives living nearby see if they can help with the kids. Don't let the kids see you panic. Reassure them that they will be ok.
> 
> And you will be okay.
> 
> When do you have to report back to work? If you have an understanding boss call him in the morning - Monday is MLK day so lawyers won't be working. Plan ahead for the next few days to ensure some stability for the kids.


Thanks... too late for the alcohol... have a few in me (another reason why I dont want to do anything immediately), dont worry i can control it. 

A few friends and no relatives nearby... I did talk to the 18yo, cause his mom left us all in the dark on what the heck was going on, so i needed some answers. And I did let him know I loved them and that no matter what I was there for them.

Ya, and MLK day will also delay my seeking legal aid..


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Call CPS anyway. Shake up her little fantasy world. CPS is incredibly understaffed and will not give your case a high priority anyway. It will take them days to act b/c of the Monday holiday. 

You want to make a report ASAP anyway to get it on record. It will likely affect custody in a divorce if that's what you want. Same with the car. 

They will impound it and she will have to take a bus to see her "stud" after she gets released from jail.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> At a minimum cut off her access to money. No credit, no ATM.


Already done... no money from me!!!!


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Call CPS anyway. Shake up her little fantasy world. CPS is incredibly understaffed and will not give your case a high priority anyway. It will take them days to act b/c of the Monday holiday.
> 
> You want to make a report ASAP anyway to get it on record. It will likely affect custody in a divorce if that's what you want. Same with the car.
> 
> They will impound it and she will have to take a bus to see her "stud" after she gets released from jail.


Wow... some serious stuff. Not able to do it tonight though (my mind is running around too frantically). 

I will admit though.. i am really scared right now!!! I dont do good under pressure, having some anxiety issues (yep... i need to go see my PCP ASAP too!!!).


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Make some coffee or hot tea and put the booze away for tonight. After you settle the kids and calm down a bit click on the the links on my sig line and do some reading. 

Before any of that C A L L C P S
C A L L THE C O P S


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> Thanks... too late for the alcohol... have a few in me (another reason why I dont want to do anything immediately), dont worry i can control it.
> 
> A few friends and no relatives nearby... I did talk to the 18yo, cause his mom left us all in the dark on what the heck was going on, so i needed some answers. And I did let him know I loved them and that no matter what I was there for them.
> 
> Ya, and MLK day will also delay my seeking legal aid..


Courts are closed but most family law firms are open. You have to be available to your clients.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

If you hate her kids, call CPS. Those are generally low IQ folks and they may take her under 18 kid into custody. You really want to avoid that system.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

OzyMan said:


> And I did let him know I loved them and that no matter what I was there for them.(


Good.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Make some coffee or hot tea and put the booze away for tonight. After you settle the kids and calm down a bit click on the the links on my sig line and do some reading.
> 
> Before any of that C A L L C P S
> C A L L THE C O P S


thanks for the sig tips... 

however I am informed on the 180. I implemented it a week ago, no direct contact with W in 8 days. Everything I know i found out second hand. I was out of town for a week until today (with my 8yo). I left last saturday and then she left 2 days later on monday. I took my 8yo son with me, to be with my family in NY. I had to get out of town after finding out about her A, which she through in my face via FB.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> If you hate her kids, call CPS. Those are generally low IQ folks and they may take her under 18 kid into custody. You really want to avoid that system.


I love her kids... both have diff dads. Known them and been there father figure the last 9 years. Their bio-dads are not in the picture. I really feel bad for all 3 of them at this point...


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## FryFish (Sep 18, 2012)

nine years? They are your kids... Dont be mean to them... they already have TERRIBLE bio parents...


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

FryFish said:


> nine years? They are your kids... Dont be mean to them... they already have TERRIBLE bio parents...


Exactly... I dont want to be mean to them one bit!!! Thats why I cant kick them out and why i have an issue calling CPS


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok 3 kids three dads and now running of to cheat. You might consider letting him have her, she sounds like a very committed cheater.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

First off, so sorry you are here. This is a terrible situation. I agree with the other posters and you are getting terrific advice. 

Three kids with three dads. Jeezus. Looks like she's going for #4. Sounds like she has some mental stability issues, and if you've been the father figure for her kids and you love them it might be best if you keep their mother away from them for the time being. Cops for the car for sure. With no money and no car, her fantasy can't last long.

Thankfully the 18 year old has made it to 18 and won't need her much longer. For the 15 year old, it may make sense for you to adopt him if she is just abandoning them at this point. Something seriously wrong with this woman.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Look, you have to move now on the van.
Tell the cops it's your vehicle, you have been out of town until today and just finding out it was stolen.

I don't know what to tell you about cps, it depends on how much bad press they have been having in your area.
How old is her middle child ?


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Ok 3 kids three dads and now running of to cheat. You might consider letting him have her, she sounds like a very committed cheater.


:iagree: i dont want her back!!! She screwed me over for the last time...


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> :iagree: i dont want her back!!!


I agree with wolf, cops for the van. Report it now.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I am not a big fan of calling CPS right now. You have the kids, but you are not the biological father. The kids could be taken from you simply because she is their biological mother and you have no legal standing because you did NOT adopt them.

You definitely need counsel. You may call the police and file a report about the car. I tried to file two police reports against my EX for things she did. I could not do anything but the deputies were very helpful in giving me advice. They could be of help to you.

You need to figure out what you want out of this. Then you need to go and plan of getting it. You have four kids that need love and attention. If you are up to it, you may win custody of them all.

You are in a very tough spot. Get legal counsel ASAP. Sometimes you can post online and people will give you good advice. I did it before...


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

All told, you could just let him have her and you keep the kids.

Tell her to bring you your van before you call the cops on her, then she is free of all four of you forever.
Never to contact you or them for the rest of her life.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> How old is her middle child ?


15, turns 16 on Feb 20. W told him she would be back for his Bday.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to move quickly on the car. If you delay it could be perceived as you having given her permission.

Get it back asp either via cops or seizure.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> You are in a very tough spot. Get legal counsel ASAP. Sometimes you can post online and people will give you good advice. I did it before...


I may do that


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Also consider, YOU are responsible if the van is involved in ANYTHING.
The stolen report may save you a world of hurt down the line.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> All told, you could just let him have her and you keep the kids.
> 
> Tell her to bring you your van before you call the cops on her, then she is free of all four of you forever.
> Never to contact you or them for the rest of her life.


He can have her... she is beyond worthless and major Succubus. She destoyed physically, emotionally, and financially. 

I would hope she would be rid of us all forever... but I dont see that happening. She claims she loves her boys to death verbally, but her actions speak otherwise. She is acting very selfishly i feel.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

Report her for stealing your car,you need it back for going to work.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> You need to move quickly on the car. If you delay it could be perceived as you having given her permission.
> 
> Get it back asp either via cops or seizure.


This is something i fear. I cant do anything tonight, but perhaps first thing in morning??

And like i said before, I am scared to do anything too LEGAL right now before speaking to lawyer. BTW... im a MR NICE GUY and dont want to rock the boat. And to tell the truth, I dont want to get her running back her ASAP... i want my space from her.

I am so conflicted!!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also start having her kids text and call her 20 min , n's call the OM too.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Satya said:


> I would get her removed from your insurance policy too, if the cops arrest her while driving, looks like her license could be revoked for three months unless I'm wrong.
> 
> PennDOT Driver and Vehicle Services - Financial Responsibility Overview


Ya... sounds like i should act first thing in morning...


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Also start having her kids text and call her 20 min , n's call the OM too.


Phone is another issue I need to address tomorrow.. we have verizon family share plan. All phones under contract. I am strongly considering turning her phone off (not sure about kids too). ideas???


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

I'm a lawyer and I practice family law. Im on the west coast and not in PA though. She screwed up by leaving. If youre ready for a dicorce, then file immediately and serve her by publication notive since you don't know her whereabouts. She'll probably default and then you'll get whatever you ask for. If you not ready for divorce, then I'd consult with a lawyer on Tuesday and see if your state has abandonment laws (I'd guess not since its not very common anymore). I would report her taking the car to authorities and get a copy of the police report. You'll have to paper trail everything. Make a journal of everything so you won't forget. Also make a report to CPS for leaving her kids. And also to the kids' father so he is aware of what's going on. Document everything because the paper trail will be used against her later on. She screwed up big time. Turn her phone off too (just pay the cancellation fee!) and cut her off financially (but not the kids). Good luck!!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Victim789 said:


> I'm a lawyer and I practice family law. Im on the west coast and not in PA though. She screwed up by leaving. If youre ready for a dicorce, then file immediately and serve her by publication notive since you don't know her whereabouts. She'll probably default and then you'll get whatever you ask for. If you not ready for divorce, then I'd consult with a lawyer on Tuesday and see if your state has abandonment laws (I'd guess not since its not very common anymore). I would report her taking the car to authorities and get a copy of the police report. You'll have to paper trail everything. Make a journal of everything so you won't forget. Also make a report to CPS for leaving her kids. And also to the kids' father so he is aware of what's going on. Document everything because the paper trail will be used against her later on. She screwed up big time. Turn her phone off too and cut her off financially (but not the kids). Good luck!!


:iagree::iagree:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Victim789 said:


> I'm a lawyer and I practice family law. Im on the west coast and not in PA though. She screwed up by leaving. If youre ready for a dicorce, then file immediately and serve her by publication notive since you don't know her whereabouts. She'll probably default and then you'll get whatever you ask for. If you not ready for divorce, then I'd consult with a lawyer on Tuesday and see if your state has abandonment laws (I'd guess not since its not very common anymore). I would report her taking the car to authorities and get a copy of the police report. You'll have to paper trail everything. Make a journal of everything so you won't forget. Also make a report to CPS for leaving her kids. And also to the kids' father so he is aware of what's going on. Document everything because the paper trail will be used against her later on. She screwed up big time. Turn her phone off too and cut her off financially (but not the kids). Good luck!!


Yeah, I said :iagree:


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Victim789 said:


> I'm a lawyer. Im on the west coast and not in PA though. She screwed up by leaving. If youre ready for a dicorce, then file immediately and serve her by publication notive since you don't know her whereabouts. She'll probably default and then you'll get whatever you ask for. If you not ready for divorce, then I'd consult with a lawyer on Tuesday and see if your state has abandonment laws (I'd guess not since its not very common anymore). I would report her taking the car to authorities and get a copy of the police report. You'll have to paper trail everything. Make a journal of everything so you won't forget. Also make a report to CPS for leaving her kids. And also to the kids' father so he is aware of what's going on. Document everything because the paper trail will be used against her later on. She screwed up big time. Turn her phone off too and cut her off financially (but not the kids). Good luck!!


Thanks for the advice...

I am ready for divorce, no chance of R. 

I wish I could see a lawyer face to face right now... its gonna eat me up waiting.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> Ya... sounds like i should act first thing in morning...


Do it right now. Don't wait


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Satya said:


> Can you not at least phone the cops tonight? The first question they will ask is why you waited to take action. They do not always have empathy when it comes to high stress situations like this. I am appalled and hope you can at the very least get some of your own back.


i dont want to call cops right now... not in a good mind to deal with them.

I have a car rental til monday morning....


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Satya said:


> I understand but it's not about your state of mind, it's about getting it reported and documented that you have proof you took action as quickly as possible. You need to be the squeaky clean one in this or you will face more pressure than is your due. Good luck. X


I should also say.... yes not having the car atm is an inconvience, but I can deal without it (at least for a few more days). I am trying to pick my battles and that is one lower on my priority lists.


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok relax. No need to rush and spend your energy anxiously awaiting Tuesday...calm down! nothing drastic will happen between now and tuesday! ...so you're ready for D. See if your state has divorce forms online and maybe you can file it yourself on Tuesday. Check the PA judiciary website for divorce complaint and summons forms. Often times they are PDF forms that you can fill out and print at home. There may be instructions for filing pro se (without a lawyer) which will tell you step by step instructions on what to do. You'll need to pay a filing fee by check. Make copies of everything and keep them. Then you'll want to file a Motion for Service by Publication, which a lawyer can help you with. Then you will publish the complaint in a local newspaper and then she has X days to respond (depends on what your state laws say) and if she doesn't respond, you can move for a default. Youll be fine. She dug herself into a hole by leaving!!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Are you sure you don't want her back ???

You are sounding more and more like a BS that's hanging on to the end.
Could that be the reason you won't report the van ?
You want her to have a way to come back right ??

You have lawyers here telling you to report the van.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Victim789 said:


> Ok relax. No need to rush and spend your energy anxiously awaiting Tuesday...calm down! nothing drastic will haooen between now and tuesday! ...so you're ready for D. See if your state has divorce forms online and maybe you can file it yourself on Tuesday. Check the PA judiciary website for divorce complaint and summons forms. Often times they are PDF forms that you can fill out and print at home. There may be instructions for filing pro se (without a lawyer) which will tell you step by step instructions on what to do. You'll need to pay a filing fee by check. Make copies of everything and keep them. Then you'll want to file a Motion for Service by Publication, which a lawyer can help you with. Then you will publish the complaint in a local newspaper and then she has X days to respond (depends on what your state laws say) and if she doesn't respond, you can move for a default. You,l be fine. She dug herself into a hole by leaving!!


NO NO... I dont need to file for a D ASAP, that i know will take its time. I just would like to speak with lawyer about my rights... especially custody of my 8yo son together with her, just in case she fights me (which i have no clue what she is thinking).


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> Are you sure you don't want her back ???
> 
> You are sounding more and more like a BS that's hanging on to the end.
> Could that be the reason you won't report the van ?
> ...


I have been drinking. I have never filed a police report in my life, kinda scared to do it in my condition. I am concidering doing it first thing in moring though.

I dont want her to come back... thats what i am afraid of!!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

OK then, we are just trying to protect you.
But consider this, she may want to come back next month to stay, until she meets another pos to screw for a month.

You see, if she and he go out drinking to celebrate and cause an accident, it being your car, could cause the victem to sue you for damage.
that's why we are pushing you to file it. Not to scare her into coming back.
When a judge look at her past and recent actions, I don't think she would get custody.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

OzyMan said:


> Exactly... I dont want to be mean to them one bit!!! Thats why I cant kick them out and why i have an issue calling CPS


The only issue is with the 15 y/o. The 18 y/o is an adult, and can chose to stay with you on his own. I would make it clear from the moment you contact them that what you desire is for the 15 y/o to stay exactly where he is, with you as the foster dad. You're not the legal guardian, right? Make it clear that's exactly what you want to be. You want to cover yourself.

Prep him first, telling him exactly what you want to do. That you want him to stay where he is. He's got to be hurting bad, and what's worse for him is the fear that he could be out in the street since both of his bio parents abandoned him.

My uncle was in your situation. His stepson was 14 when his EX wife bailed and ran off with another man. The bio-dad was a freak who already lost custody. He ended up with custody of his stepson as a foster parent until he turned 18. He did two years of community college living with my uncle. They're very close today.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Headed to bed... will be back on when I wake up in morning... 

Thanks everyone for your help and feedback!!! This site has really helped me this past week. Been reading all the stories all day long since last saturday!!! I would be a lot more of a bigger mess without ya!!!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Three kids all different fathers, and she abandone all three for someone she met online.
A judge would have to be braindead to give her custody.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> NO NO... I dont need to file for a D ASAP, that i know will take its time. I just would like to speak with lawyer about my rights... especially custody of my 8yo son together with her, just in case she fights me (which i have no clue what she is thinking).[/QUOTE
> You do have to file ASAP so she does not first, You need to get temporary custody first to get your rights. You have to get control first. You can back off later.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> Three kids all different fathers, and she abandone all three for someone she met online.
> A judge would have to be braindead to give her custody.


Yup... thats what I was thinking too. Was hoping others felt the same.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

jim123 said:


> OzyMan said:
> 
> 
> > NO NO... I dont need to file for a D ASAP, that i know will take its time. I just would like to speak with lawyer about my rights... especially custody of my 8yo son together with her, just in case she fights me (which i have no clue what she is thinking).[/QUOTE
> ...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

OzyMan said:


> Phone is another issue I need to address tomorrow.. we have verizon family share plan. All phones under contract. I am strongly considering turning her phone off (not sure about kids too). ideas???


Make sure she doesn't know the log in for the phone account.

Even better, change the password and the security questions just in case. Then turn her off.

Take the high road on the kids. Doing right by them will help in the long run. Both for you and for them.


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> NO NO... I dont need to file for a D ASAP, that i know will take its time. I just would like to speak with lawyer about my rights... especially custody of my 8yo son together with her, just in case she fights me (which i have no clue what she is thinking).


Ahhh ok. Well then I suspect your lawyer will tell you that her abandonment of her children will not work in her favor when being evaluated by a judge. She has shown herself to be unreliable and cannot be a consistent parent to her children. Hey actions are not in the "best interests of the children" and that's all that matters. Again, she screwed up big time.

I would recommend you file first and immediately file a Motion for Predecree Relief asking for custody. The judges in my state like to keep the status quo, so if they have been staying with you the whole time, it's unlikely that they will uproot the children because mom decided she suddenly wants them back.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Make sure she doesn't know the log in for the phone account.
> 
> Even better, change the password and the security questions just in case. Then turn her off.
> 
> Take the high road on the kids. Doing right by them will help in the long run. Both for you and for them.


You all are keeping me up, and engauged...

I intend to contact my phone company first thing in the morning. I will go to the nearest store to talk to them, I hate phone services.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Victim789 said:


> Ahhh ok. Well then I suspect your lawyer will tell you that her abandonment of her children will not work in her favor when being evaluated by a judge. She has shown herself to be unreliable and cannot be a consistent parent to her children. Hey actions are not in the "best interests of the children" and that's all that matters. Again, she screwed up big time.


Abandoning the kids with stepdad is even worse. This goes towards Ozz's favor if he steps up and has the stepson telling a judge "forget her, I want to live with Ozz."


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Victim789 said:


> Ahhh ok. Well then I suspect your lawyer will tell you that her abandonment of her children will not work in her favor when being evaluated by a judge. She has shown herself to be unreliable and cannot be a consistent parent to her children. Hey actions are not in the "best interests of the children" and that's all that matters. Again, she screwed up big time.
> 
> I would recommend you file first and immediately file a Motion for Predecree Relief asking for custody.


I really hope so... she doesnt deserve them at this point I feel. Bad mother... She has always been all about herself (me me me additude). in fact her entire reason for leaving was because of her unhappiness, while saying I am a great dad and husband. 

I read the link talking about MLC for dummies (suggested here on this site). It sounded like my wife to a T.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

IIRC, above 13, kids are allowed to state a preference in living arrangements.

So both of them can likely stay with you (I am not a lawyer).

That being said, in many states, 16 is an age where the kid can file for release from his parent's possession, particularly in cases like this.

Something for you to think about.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Damn I couldn't get any sleep last night... thoughts racing in my mind. I am so angry!!!

How can a MOM just up and leave a husband who cherishes her and her kids like that and tell them, "I will be back next month sometime for a visit... stay strong and remember mommy loves you and misses you with all her heart!!!" And says nothing to me... Another thing that makes me want to scream, that I just found out, was that her own mother wired her $500 last week to help her with the move!!! And it appears all her family and friends are supporting her in this (according to all the chatter on FB). Financially we have been struggling too, that money would have really helped out the family. Now us 4 guys are stuck with no car and no money until I get paid next. Im sorry, but does this all sound Jerry Springer messed up to anyone?? I would understand if I was abusive and made her life a living hell (which that is how I am being portrayed). I have lost any hope of respect I had left for my W, she is pure selfish evil.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Ozy,

Let me warn you about custody... Don't for one thing think that the courts will be fair in what is right for custody. She is the biological mother and getting past that is no small feat. Do not underestimate that simple fact.

If you want custody, you need to document all of her atrocious behavior now. The courts will listen to the wishes of children who are old enough to understand, but if she has an 8 year old biological child that is not yours, that is a tough fight to win. Go into this with eyes wide open. Document, document, document, document and don't expect one word of truth to come out of her mouth now or in court. It is much better to be over prepared than surprised.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

:iagree:

Not only that but do not do anything until you see a lawyer.

A month away with no notice or explanation is abandonment to us but it may not be in PA.

Is your wife selfish? hell yeah!

Did she steal your car and leave you no way to get to work or shop food? hell yeah!

But do the divorce the right way.

See a lawyer. 
The lawyer will most likely have you report the car stolen. Cancel her cell. Maybe.

Be glad the car and house is in your name.

But I think the best thing going in your favor is no contact with her right now. And do not tell the boys what you are doing with respect to their mother.

Just assure them you will taking care of them.

Sorry for the mess you are in but if you play it right she will be out of your life soon.

Gather evidence, go dark on her and her family and copy those FB posts.

That just goes to show you how dumb her and her family really are.

HM64


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Ozy,
> 
> Let me warn you about custody... Don't for one thing think that the courts will be fair in what is right for custody. She is the biological mother and getting past that is no small feat. Do not underestimate that simple fact.
> 
> If you want custody, you need to document all of her atrocious behavior now. The courts will listen to the wishes of children who are old enough to understand, but if she has an 8 year old biological child that is not yours, that is a tough fight to win. Go into this with eyes wide open. Document, document, document, document and don't expect one word of truth to come out of her mouth now or in court. It is much better to be over prepared than surprised.


the 8yo is both ours... the older 2 have 2 different dads.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

happyman64 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Not only that but do not do anything until you see a lawyer.
> 
> ...


Its really sad how dumb they all are. 

I texted her this morning simply telling her to return the car back here ASAP. she still hasnt replied in about 30 minutes so far. if she refuses or I dont hear from here soon, i will go to police to see my options.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

ive been talking to people and they tell me i shouldnt turn her cell off. They claim she needs it for her kids to contact her and that may look bad on me. Thoughts??


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm I missing something but if it is your van and I assume you have a spare key, and you stated you know were the van is, then can't you find a ride and get back your van?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In fact if the 18yo drives, have him go with you in the rental and he can drive the van back home.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

the guy said:


> I'm I missing something but if it is your van and I assume you have a spare key, and you stated you know were the van is, then can't you find a ride and get back your van?


I live in western PA, she is now in Northern New Hampshire. over 12 hours away. Not as easy as it sounds. And all i know is what town she is in. She didnt even tell her kids exactly where she went, they assumed she was going to be staying with family. But here FB status and posts say she is with him.


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## george256 (Jan 20, 2013)

Logic tells me that you have a couple of choices.
1) if the car is registered in your name only you have the right to get it.
2) if the car is registered in both your names you still have a right to get it.
3) if the car is registered in only her name you cannot get it .

If the first to applies call the local police and asked them to do a drive-by to see if your car is actually there explain the situation to them. If the car is there take a train there that night with all your paperwork. After dark, walk up take your car and drive home. If you get stopped by the police on the road all you have to do is explain the situation to them and show the proper documentation. They can't hold you and if they tried what are they going to charge you with, getting your car.
If you going to do this you don't have to tell her thing letter figured out herself. All you'll be out is train fare or bus fare.She'll have to decide how to tell you the car was stolen and she will have to find her way home. When she gets home if she does it will be a humbling experience for her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Is there a tracking app. on her phone?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

12 hours away, well if you leave now you can take the car when she is a sleep.

The road trip will make a nice bounding time for you and the oldest. Hell take the whole crew with you.

Nothing like a long drive to really get your feelis out!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

To bad the rental is do back on Monday. 

I still think you all go out there and scare the OM by dropping the kids off at his front door, along with all her crap. Then take the kids back home. LOL


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you report the van stolen your still making the drive out to the inpound yard.

The way I see it you need to make the drive if you want that van back.

A 600-700 mile tow would be one hell of a cost


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

No no don't go up there and take the car. Rent one and she'll pay or half of the cost later. Stealing the van back will not help you in court. Most likely, it will be sold and split equally anyway.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its not stealing when its your van. Beside he has the kids and needs to get them to schol and heaven forbid there is an emergency with one of the kids, and needs to take care of something.


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## idkwot2do (Dec 29, 2012)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
QUOTE:
Put her kids on a plane and send them to live with her.


Please DO NOT DO THAT.

Some people are giving you horrible advice where the kids are concerned.

She has already abandoned me please dont do anything to put them in the middle here.

Even though they are not your biological children I can see your a good man and you said you dont want to screw them over.

She is dispicable! And those children NEED someone consistent to be there for them right now.

What ever you do please try to work out this mess in a way that the children dont hear too much of of whats going on, the younger ones anyway.

I know this is very hard time for you emotionally and I personally know how hard it is to be strong for the kids when you are going through this but please do your best because this could really affect them.


As for her, well she is a selfish ******* that you are better off without anyway.

What kind of woman abandons her kids???


Good luck, my prayers are with you and your kids.


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## idkwot2do (Dec 29, 2012)

Dont turn off the cell if the kids are using it to call her.

For the kids sake

She said shes coming back in a month, 

Do you have family that can help you with the kids until she gets back?

You should not go chasing her, you should report the van stolen 
then go see a lawyer and find out your rights.
You should work on your D and finances so that by the time she gets back you have already moved out or packed all her **** and put it in the garage.

Move yourself forward, dont join in her crazy self destruction right now it will bring you down and right now you need to be strong.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Update...

Just got back from talking to local police. They told me there is nothing I can do about the car, since we are married she is an authorized driver. If I really wanted to pursue it, they prob could arrest her and impound the car and all that jazz. Said its not really worth it. Same with her leaving her step kids. Not much it can do about it. All the cop did was stress that this is a civil dispute and needs to be settled using lawyers (and this i should lawyer up asap, which i know). 

I took a shot though and texted her this morning saying:
'Bring back the car asap, you left us all here with no transportation. I need to get to work and the kids need to get taken places, we have no support network' I move to the area a few years ago... no family or good friends in the area. I am going to have to rely on begging co-worker and aquaintence for help... UGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! 

She screwed me over financially to the point my credit is shot and I have no savings. I dont have any credit card to even rent a car with and very little money anyhow besides. I dont know how i am going to survive this! :scratchhead:

I think i am starting to hit the very bottom. Now all i need is health issues and lose my job!!!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Ozy

You will survive this.

Go see a lawyer.

And you can Always sell something of value or take a loan against the house.

He'll, sell some stuff on eBay or at a pawn shop for some quick cash.

And do not lose your head or cool. No nasty texts or messages that can be used against you.

Document everything.

HM64


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Ozy
> 
> You will survive this.
> 
> ...


:iagree:
and save the booze for a special day. This is not one of those days. You need a clear mind.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

When I found out about the affair 9 days ago (this was not the first one), I got mad and told her I did not want to share my wife with OM. I played hardball, and told her if you wanna be in a relationship with this guy (who she bragged about on FB), the she could get out of the house ASAP. She said she had no where to go (which her options were limited). I suggested she go to OMs house (i didnt even know he lived that far away, i was thinking maybe an hour or 2 away.

The I told her I needed to some space to clear my head, and was going to stay with some family for a week, and she could do what she's gotta do. And I implemented a 180 with NC. Funny thing is, she took off the next day too, not even telling me anything. Told my older 2 step-sons she was going to New Hampshire. The rest of the info I found out by FB. She quit her job, took the car, and moved in with OM (12 hours away by car). To this day, the only contact she has made with me is to talk to our 8yo. She hasn't told me anything... no address, no plans, no nothing, its like she is finally happy and doesnt want to look back.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

I would also like to point out she is a user. Even admitted to me and other people that everyone she knows she uses to get something she wants, and doesnt know if she ever loved anyone truely. I always find that hard to believe, how can anyone be that selfish? And better yet, how could love her. 

She isn't the most beautiful woman either. Avg looking, kinda overweight (size 14-18ish), no education or career, broke all the time, 38 and greying, 3 sons with 3 different dads, Lies, cheats, steals!!! Unhappy a lot and loves to create drama and conflict with friends and coworks. However she is an attention *****. And loves to have guys fawn over her. She is never loyal, and cheated on me throughout our relationship while lying, stealing, and putting blame on me for all problems in our relationship.

Just need to vent... I do love her though and have always sacrificed and worked my ass off to provide for her and the kids. Now I feel a fool, a sucker!!! She is the biggest succubi i know. And in a way, im glad the OM has her now. But the rejection and loneliness still hurts. And I feel worst for kids, they deserve better!!!!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Ozy,
As bad as I feel for you and your situation, I feel worse for her. She is a very unhappy woman and probably will never know true happiness. 

She was willing to drive for 12 hours in freezing weather - probably sleeping in rest stops to try to find it with a stranger. How very sad. 

You and the kids will survive this. You will get past the pain, the financial and emotional burden. 

But her? She's doomed herself to a life of 'using and being used' . A truly sad situation for her and anyone who becomes involved with her.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

i guess I am also bitter I never got a good bye message from her. She just left without a word. And stuck me with dealing with all the problems left behind at home with no help or support around for me. I am the breadwinner, the hard worker, always worked 45-50 hours a week the entire time we were together. even my vacation time was only 2 weeks a year. She had freedom to do anything she wanted. Problem is I am just a pathetic MR NICE GUY


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Ozy,
> As bad as I feel for you and your situation, I feel worse for her. She is a very unhappy woman and probably will never know true happiness.
> 
> She was willing to drive for 12 hours in freezing weather - probably sleeping in rest stops to try to find it with a stranger. How very sad.
> ...


Another catch-22 of those negative things that makes me sad... I know she does it to herself, but I want her to be happy, and it hurts to see her making all these stupid personal mistakes. I get no satisfaction from knowing she is messing up!!! Its plain as day!!! EVERYONE can see it... but her


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

Unfortunately, I can relate to a lot of this, and I am not the only one.

You sound like a good, responsible guy. You will be better off without her.

Definitely see a lawyer when you can. A lot of police know next to nothing about the actual laws, but congrats on taking the initiative to talk to someone about that.


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## george256 (Jan 20, 2013)

I still say the same thing. The police said if she is an authorized user there is nothing that can be done about that.
Well so are you!
Borrow the money from friend, boss, relative for the trip there. Go to New Hampshire and get your car, take control from her. As you said she is selfish, make her accountable for herself.
Until you take the initiative she will continue to do this. Show her you are not someone to be played with, when she calls, or if she calls don’t answer. If she wants to contact you she will find a way on her own, you don’t have to supply it.
You want to keep your costs down, go get yourself don’t ask anyone to tow it, take the kids up there for the long trip, you’ll have to feed them. Leave the kids with the day with neighbors, explain the situation to them, I’m more than sure they will help you out. Tell the kids not to contact their mother until you get back or within two days, if something were to happen to you. This way you don’t have to worry.
The only problem I see is if she is not there and you have to find her. There is the possibility that she’s not in New Hampshire but someplace else, if that’s the case then she is lying to you big time and you then know that you cannot trust her.
What’s the most this is going to cost you, a round trip ticket to and from New Hampshire that’s a lot less than renting a car going there, towing a car back, paying impound fees, filing a police report, and possibly running into her when you go get the car and listening to her mouth or getting into an argument with her and the other man. Do this late at night and then come home.
After doing all this don’t call her, let her mind wonder. Depending upon how long it takes her to call you or get in touch with you will show you just how much she thinks of you.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> ... no education or career, broke all the time, 38 and greying, 3 sons with 3 different dads, Lies, cheats, steals!!! Unhappy a lot and loves to create drama and conflict with friends and coworks. However she is an attention *****. And loves to have guys fawn over her. She is never loyal, and cheated on me throughout our relationship while lying, stealing, and putting blame on me for all problems in our relationship.
> 
> Just need to vent... I do love her though....


Take a serious step back for just a minute, Ozy, and read this carefully. You have to know that this isn't real love that you feel. Love goes hand in hand with respect and trust.

Try to forward focus for the coming week. Force yourself to think about what you have to do in the coming hours, days, to take care of business. Do the 180 for yourself and keep as busy as possible with what you need to do to deal with the wreckage she has created.

I bet that you will find your 'love' dissipating pretty quickly.


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

the guy said:


> Its not stealing when its your van. Beside he has the kids and needs to get them to schol and heaven forbid there is an emergency with one of the kids, and needs to take care of something.


 That's just ridiculous to waste your time by driving 12 hours to take a van. Don't bother. Stay clean and squeaky in the eyes of a judge. Get it in the divorce. She can't afford to keep it anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

george256 said:


> I still say the same thing. The police said if she is an authorized user there is nothing that can be done about that.
> Well so are you!
> Borrow the money from friend, boss, relative for the trip there. Go to New Hampshire and get your car, take control from her. As you said she is selfish, make her accountable for herself.
> Until you take the initiative she will continue to do this. Show her you are not someone to be played with, when she calls, or if she calls don’t answer. If she wants to contact you she will find a way on her own, you don’t have to supply it.
> ...


I am not driving to NH for the van, i dont have a spare key anyhow. Or the time or energy at this point.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

File an emergency protection order for sole guardianship/custody of the minor children. 

Let her know you will be turning off her cell phone in 24 hours. You will not pay for her infidelity with OM. She needs to get her own service. 

Go online and access her phone records through cell provider. Find out OM number and call him and text him repeatedly. Tell him you have APB out for wife, van reported stolen, she abandoned her 3kids. Put the pressure on OM right now!!!

At least then it might spoil their rendezvous.


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## Buildingblocks (Apr 22, 2012)

Did you call the CPS yet and report them about her. Dude just get it done. People are saying this for your own good...LISTEN TO THEM!!!!....WAKE UP....get your act together.


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## Battle_Cats (Jun 28, 2012)

Ozyman, just try to take a few deep breaths and hang in there until you talk to a couple lawyers. If the first lawyer seems too conciliatory towards the woman, talk to another until you find one willing to fight. Stay off the booze!

As for transportation, you can try to find a beater or see if someone in your family or a friend has a spare to lend or rent to you.

You have said that you are the primary breadwinner. This means that you have already been supporting the family and keeping things together. So, you just keep doing what you've been doing and you will get through! 

Hang in there!

PS: *Do NOT involve CPS at all or at least until you have spoken with and retained a lawyer.* CPS absolutely does not care and once you've invited them into your life, you will lose all control and input as to what will happen.

As far as I am concerned, CPS should only be involved in cases of abuse. As a means of divorce leverage, involving CPS is like using grenades in your house to get rid of ants.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

CPS is useless and that's from dealing with them over abuse to my grandson. It took going to court and fighting them to rescue him. Don't involve them.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> See a lawyer ASAP. You at very likely be able to file a theft charge for taking the car.
> 
> Have you cancelled credit cards and taken money out of joint accounts?
> 
> If you know details of the OM post them on cheaterville.com


Pennsylvania is not a community property state, therefore you can report your car as being stolen. She would be compelled to have it sent back and might also possibly face some federal charges in the process.

Get your butt to the lawyer's office pronto, in order to fully protect your property as well as your rights!


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Sorry that you are here. You can write to me off line if you want to vent. David


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

I am going to try to get a hold of some lawyers tomorrow. Found out through a friend that my W is gonna fight me for the 8yo. funny how she says that but can just leave them


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

leaving two kids will justify she is unable to care for the youngest. you remaining as guardian will help you get, hopefully full custody.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> I am going to try to get a hold of some lawyers tomorrow. Found out through a friend that my W is gonna fight me for the 8yo. funny how she says that but can just leave them


That's why you need to file and emergency protection order. You don't need a lawyer for this. Let the judge know she quit her job, moved to another state and adandonded the kids. File for sole guardianship. 

Does she take any psych meds or meds for depression/anxiety. If so, let the courts know she is mentally unstable. 

You need to make it so she can't move the kids out of state.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Cancel her cell. She can use her bfs landline to call like the good old days.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I would fight for the 8yo to, he's worth some bucks and from the sound of it she and her OM will need the dough.

Like you said earlier she is a user and using a 8yo would just be another day in the life of a POS women.

If you don't protect your self and drop the ball in getting a lawyer tomorow, your kid will end up neglected while you chick goes out with her new playtoy.

The phucking writing is on the wall when it comes to why she wants to fight you for your kid!

As painful as this all is you have to step up and take this by the horns.

My biggest regert in life was not giving a damb about myself or my kids when my old lady was doing this sh1t to me.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How are you doing, Ozyman?

Did you get your 8 year old back?


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> How are you doing, Ozyman?
> 
> Did you get your 8 year old back?


His last post (in August) was all about how they had reconciled and were praying together and all that good stuff, but I do see he has lurked recently. I think a lot of us hope he is doing OK with whatever choices he ended up making.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

martyc47 said:


> His last post (in August) was all about how they had reconciled and were praying together and all that good stuff, but I do see he has lurked recently. I think a lot of us hope he is doing OK with whatever choices he ended up making.


Yeah, poor guy. He just couldn't find the strength to let her go. She will continue sh!tting on him for as long as he's willing to endure it, or until he dies of a heart attack. He doesn't believe he deserves better.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah, poor guy. He just couldn't find the strength to let her go. She will continue sh!tting on him for as long as he's willing to endure it, or until he dies of a heart attack. He doesn't believe he deserves better.


:iagree:

It was a complete and total rugsweep. He posted that he was finalizing the divorce, then a month later says he's in R after she came home. Previously he said she was too broken to R. She got a taste of how difficult the single life was going to be, and he took her back. 

He posted nothing about transparency or remorse from her, just that they were praying. Just another one of those stories where things have gotten worse. A complete waste of time trying to help this guy.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Not a waste.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> Not a waste.


True, not a waste for others, but a waste for him. It went from:



OzyMan said:


> Just found out my wife took off to live 12 hours away (Pa to NH) to live with OM (That i just found out about him last week). She took the family van (our only car), quit her job, left all the kids (3 boys ages 18, 15, 8), and said she would be back next month sometime. The 2 older boys are my step sons, only the 8yo is ours together. She left me with no way to even get to work on monday or get food for everyone (we live in a rural area).





OzyMan said:


> My wife told the kids (not even me directly) that she was leaving and staying in NH. I found out about the OM via FB, she posted everything. Like saying where she was living, status being in a new relationship with this new guy, and Pics with them together.


Rubbing the affair in his face by posting publicly over facebook so even the kids could see it (despicable), to her moving back in, as if nothing happened. And he's fine with that. Anyone who can abandon their family like that, especially a special needs child, leaving them high and dry and no means to even buy food, are the lowest of the low.

He'll be back again after she leaves him for OM#2.


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