# Being called perfect



## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

I'm curious, have any of your wives called you "perfect" and get mad/resent you for it? 

Is this playing off of my nice guy trait and suppose to make me feel guilty? Almost as a scapegoat for what she's done?

Should I start owning up to it and say "you know what, I am perfect!" 

I don't know if I should take it as a compliment or insult. Any insight would be much appreciated. :scratchhead:


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

If she was mad and resentful when she called you perfect then ya, it was sarcastic and not meant as a compliment.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Blanca said:


> If she was mad and resentful when she called you perfect then ya, it was sarcastic and not meant as a compliment.


This would be my guess, too. 

C


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

Blanca said:


> If she was mad and resentful when she called you perfect then ya, it was sarcastic and not meant as a compliment.


It's never said in a sarcastic tone. It's mainly said when she is feeling guilty about something that she's done and we are discussing it. It makes me feel guilty that I don't hurt her how she hurts me. Does that make sense? :scratchhead:

I'm not sure how else to explain it.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Numlock said:


> It's never said in a sarcastic tone. It's mainly said when she is feeling guilty about something that she's done and we are discussing it. It makes me feel guilty that I don't hurt her how she hurts me. Does that make sense? :scratchhead:
> 
> I'm not sure how else to explain it.


I feel inferior to my husband most of the time. He is very patient, kind, and moral. In comparison, I feel shallow and selfish.

I feel like he could have gotten a better wife, but he insists he has the best wife for him.

I am transparent with him. He certainly knows all of me.

Don't feel guilty. Be proud that you are able to control your emotions and be a good example. I bet she wishes she could.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> He is not perfect as a person... .


Oh no.....do you mean there is room for improvement:smnotworthy:


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

LOLOL, Mr. and Mrs. Adams.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think she means it sincerely, Mr. Avg. Some women really do see the goodness in their husbands.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

To me, it sounds like, in the context you describe, that she says this to you when she is feeling unworthy of you. 
Does it make sense to say that maybe at those times she's imagining that you are thinking that she doesn't measure up & compared to you, she is inferior? 
If she has any self-esteem issues, those comments probably are stemming from her insecurity, and not to hurt you in any way. 

Honestly, she probably really admires you! 
Maybe she needs reassurance that she's not the only one with shortcomings. 

When she comments on your 'perfection' that might be a great time to remind her that we all are human, (she & you both,) 
and that you hope what she really means is that you are 'perfect for her.' ( : 
That may help her feel reassured & more confident in your love for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My husband has said to me many times, "I am not a perfect man." 

One thing he has said is that I need to do more realistic posts about him, and fewer idealistic ones. And the longer I am here, the more realistic he is seeming to me, lol.

I still love dh a lot, and I have a lot of respect for him. He is just a very smart man, and a very good man.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'd consider this to be that she needs to take responsibility for something within herself and is struggling with that concept. 

And perhaps, even simultaneously to this, wants to break down your walls (if you have any) to see that you're not perfect. Do you share with her honestly, call her on her bullsh*t, and express when needed?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Numlock said:


> It makes me feel guilty that I don't hurt her how she hurts me. Does that make sense? :scratchhead:


Not to me. I don't get that. 

What do you mean?


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> I'd consider this to be that she needs to take responsibility for something within herself and is struggling with that concept.
> 
> And perhaps, even simultaneously to this, wants to break down your walls (if you have any) to see that you're not perfect. Do you share with her honestly, call her on her bullsh*t, and express when needed?


I'm trying really hard to share with her honestly. Most of the time I sugar coat something because I don't want her getting mad. I know I can't do that anymore, and I need to call her on her bull.

Thank you for your insight!


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

karma*girl said:


> To me, it sounds like, in the context you describe, that she says this to you when she is feeling unworthy of you.
> Does it make sense to say that maybe at those times she's imagining that you are thinking that she doesn't measure up & compared to you, she is inferior?
> If she has any self-esteem issues, those comments probably are stemming from her insecurity, and not to hurt you in any way.
> 
> ...


This makes sense, but how do I be stern to an insecure person? Won't they feel like I don't care about them? 
I believe for some reason or another she is very insecure and that's why she does the things she does... Usually when we have discussions she thinks I want her to change who she is... And that's not the case. But then again I don't think I ever told her I don't want her to change who she is, I just want her to respect my feelings. 

This forum really has my gears turning!!!


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> Not to me. I don't get that.
> 
> What do you mean?


When she says it, I feel maybe she wants me to be more like her? But I just get conflicted in my thoughts because I know if I do the things she does she would get upset. 

I'm really starting to realize my problem may be lack of honest communication. 11 years being together I never set boundaries and just assumed when I went all passive and sulked she understood why.


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