# please help me



## scleary8100 (Mar 8, 2011)

My husband moved out of our home a few days ago. We had been having a lot of issues, but a month ago, we decided to work on them and see how it goes. Well, things were going really good...we didn't argue at all, we had fun together, we laughed...etc. Then he switches again and tells me that it was great, but it didn't feel real to him and he still just feels empty. 

That's why the 180 is so hard for me to do, because it seems like he is wanting that connection back and if I pull away, he will think that I am happier without him and not want to get back together. I know that it stresses him out when I talk about our relationship or try to get him to open up and I don't want to do that...but I still want to have contact like we are still married, just show him only the good parts...make sense?

I just don't know how to act and I need to figure out a way to be consistant with everything....I just really hate feeling like this and the stress is starting to affect me physically. 

Can anyone give me advice? Thanks!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

scleary8100 said:


> That's why the 180 is so hard for me to do, because it seems like he is wanting that connection back and if I pull away, he will think that I am happier without him and not want to get back together. I know that it stresses him out when I talk about our relationship or try to get him to open up and I don't want to do that...but I still want to have contact like we are still married, just show him only the good parts...make sense?
> 
> I just don't know how to act and I need to figure out a way to be consistant with everything....I just really hate feeling like this and the stress is starting to affect me physically.
> 
> Can anyone give me advice? Thanks!


I have a homework assignment for you. You need to go to THIS THREAD:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/22290-seriously.html


Read EVERY post on it because you sound JUST like AmImad. See what she's gone through and the advice she's been given and what her responses and ultimate decisions have been. 

My advice to you will be the same as the advice I gave to her. You are not "getting" the 180. It's for YOU. Not to get back your husband. YOU need to move on and stop acting like a log being dragged down a raging river. 

Now go read that thread and learn something.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

You have got to take care of yourself. Whatever it is - book a massage, get a pedicure, go for a long walk. Something. anything to take your mind off it even for a short time.

Is there any chance he is having an affair?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I agree with the above. Are you sure there's no one else? Sounds like there's a temptation pulling him elsewhere. Maybe not. But you make things pleasant and he still isn't happy? He's convincing himself of something, but why? There's got to be more to the story. Not to stress you out more, but this is how I feel now. Except my H won't even open his eyes enough to see that things are changing. I have my suspicions of an online EA with an ex GF but no proof. But even if there's nothing going on there, it's driven such a wedge because of his refusal to cut that relationship on the premise that I'm uncomfortable. I can't live with that. And even if he did come back to me and say he's cut her out of his life and is rededicated to us, I'm not sure I can get past that, you know? Don't sell yourself short. You deserve to know all the facts so you can make an informed decision.


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## scleary8100 (Mar 8, 2011)

He was having an affair and broke it off...I really do not think he's still in contact with her. He is having really bad anxiety and says he just needs space. He has a long history of depression, but had a handle on it until recently. He just started going to a therpaist and I'm hoping that it helps our situation....I can't stand anymore of this!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yes unfortunately it will affect you physically also ...most of us are affected after something like this.i personally stopped eating,sleeping and being a human in general.From normal 124 lb I went down to 108lb
I looked like anorexic. 
No matter what you do ,keep eating,even if you feel like you don't want to,also if you can't sleep you can ask you doctor to prescribe something for your anxiety.These are really hard times and you have to pay attention to your body signs ,try and take care of yourself.

I do think that 180 is perfect for you.You have showed him how much fun you can have together ...if you cut him off he will realize really soon IF he still has feelings for you and still wants you.
It'll be really hard but i think it's worth the try.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Yes unfortunately it will affect you physically also ...most of us are affected after something like this.i personally stopped eating,sleeping and being a human in general.From normal 124 lb I went down to 108lb
> I looked like anorexic.


95kg down to 78kg at one stage, now hovering around 79kg - 80 kg,I am actually happy at that weight. Sleep, for a while it was 'whats that!'
Just now starting to get more than 3hrs at a time of solid deep sleep.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I lost a TON of weight when my husband left.I had been on a diet for a few years an got down to a certain weight and stayed there. 

THEN he started his regimen of drinking and destroying our livelihood, and etc, etc..Then he left. Suddenley I had to work 12-16 hours a day and went nonstop looking for a new place to live, packing, working, holidays, snowstorms, etc, etc. 

I went from a Size 5 to a Size 3 (I don't weigh myself) and worked out all time. Couldn't sleep? I'd work out. Have a fight with my husband 'til 3 am? I'd work out. It was awesome! I LOVED the way I looked and felt!

Now I get up at 6am, work out for an hour and work all day and during the weekdays I subsist on 1200 calories a day. On weekends I "splurge". Still lookin' great and feel wonderful. My daughter is my "trainer". She comes up with these great exercises to do! :smthumbup: I haven't felt this good in years.

My husband's crap was better than any diet or gym membership. I gotta remember to thank him...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He's prob still involved with affair skank. Sorry but that is what I am thinking. Where is he living now? 
180s are for you, not hijm. Dont' call, beg plead with him, nada. He needs to see you being strong FOR YOU.


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