# First year of marriage, just few sex



## ms.clueless (Aug 9, 2013)

So, I was 26 when we got married, and its been 1.5yr. (this is my 1st and for him, 2nd marriage). He is 20yrs older than me, i know, i know what an age diffrent! All i can say is I was in love and 100% sure he's the right man and in love with me. Yet, just less than a month after we got married, I completely aint that sure anymore... even few days after we got married, he wasnt that "hot" towards me. He jst left me. Even on my wedd night, he jst fell asleep, ate our wedd cake, and off. I dont know whats wrong, was it because I was a virgin or our LD before married. First month, we had it only once a week on the wkend, plus if he had some issues at work, we wont have it at all..

I started to wonder whether he has some "man" issue or its caused by adjustment between us. Yes, we argue, started when i first moved to his place, (he always pointing on this) i found his love letters, and email to his gf (which he already proposed me and we were preparing our marriage) that he wanna got back to her if its possible, just 1 or 2 months before the wedd.. Anyway, i asked abt it and he was real mad at me. He said i shudnt mention abt it, he married me, that shud be enuf, yet i feel fooled. It really broke my heart but i tried to forget abt it. Since then, he started to call me like bad names, materialistic, a bad mother-to-be, trying to kill him, dumb as a joke or when we r arguing, until we stop having sex at all since 1 year ago.. 

After more than a year, I felt like living with a stranger, no intimacy between us, . I dont feel the same, i dont enjoy being with him anymore, and even when i kiss him, i dont feel it. He said he is not a sexual person, is it normal? I dont feel loved here, i did ask him to go to MC together, he said its useless cause he did that on his 1st marriage. He also dont wanna talk abt this issue. Everytime i tried to talk something that bothers me, he just walk away. or timing me like 10-15 mins with his phone.. I feel frustrated. No nice communication, no intimacy...

Please any comment what should i do, shud i be someone whom i cant talk to, shud i just leave (some said, i am still young and attractive, dont waste my time with someone who just wasting me) ...any advice, suggestions are really appreciated. Thanks


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## biola (Dec 28, 2012)

I'm very sorry for what you are going through.From the look of things he doesn't seem that into you.You were just an "emergency"wife incase he didn't get back with his ex.On top of that he is very selfish,childish,verbally and emotionally abusive.I would recommend MC to him one more time.If he debunks the offer then you know the relationship cannot be salvaged.I think an annulment would be the best solution at this point since you don't have kids tying you down.Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ms.clueless (Aug 9, 2013)

Thanks for the advice Biola, It hurts me when i read it, thou i knew it from my deep down heart already that actually he's not that into me ... realized he never said he love me, (keep saying actions speak louder than words). He also keep saying, he is a good husband and we can have a nice life together.. yet seems it doesnt include sex nor attention like doing things for me, buying me flower or remember my bday or even our wedd date. So i am lost how we can have a nice life together when i dont feel i am connected, loved and needed, on the other side i am the one who do everythings for him, give him surprise card just saying have a nice day, cooking, cleaning, say i love him, i need him more than his money, surprise bday, bla bla..

I kept saying i wanna and keep trying to make it work, not give up.. but after more than a year seeing no intimacy, no nice talk, no connection, i think ur advice is the best to do.. know what, he even suggested annulment first time after few weeks marriage 

thanks!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Ms. Clueless, here's a hint. If your first year together is without passion, your 10 year together will be with even LESS passion.

Get out now. There is no fixing this broken down sorry excuse for a husband.


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

Unfortunately, I have to agree with the above pointers. If your husband does not agree to make changes (many changes) to positively make your marriage work, then I'm afraid you have no choice but to cut your losses and move on. You have your whole life ahead of you and shouldn't have to put up with this for the rest of it. Pray about it, seek good counsel and act without much delay (he changes, or you leave). Hope this helps.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

what kind of a man and husband is he that he sets a timer for you to speak then shuts you down? that is disgusting behavior. he suggested an anullment weeks after the marriage? you had doubts, and he made you the bad guy when you found love emails to his ex that he wanted to get back together with her.

OMG - this is really really sad. you have nothing there to save. save yourself and get out. he's not a friend and not a lover, so what is he? you are way to young to feel like you have to live forever with this mistake.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Sounds like just a bad relationship all around. There are more problems here than just lack of intimacy and sex, which can probably be attributed to the lack of intimacy and sex.

If you can point to nothing good in your relationship, I would say try a separation, and if it makes you feel better to be away from this man, I would look into a divorce or annulment.


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## ms.clueless (Aug 9, 2013)

Thanks all 
for supports and advices. 

Anon Pink, thats what im freaking out in the first few months of my marriage! if my first year already turns out to be gloomy like this, what would be there for me for the next 5,10 years.. 

This somehow led me into a nightmare ever... No connection, love, care, nor respect.. felt completely rejected, no wonder it got me nervous breakdown last year... I think i'll get counsel/self-therapy (everyone wondering why i change a lot after got married, used to b a cheerful one  )..

always used to have faith that everything can be saved. I guess not everything in some case..

Thanks everyone..


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