# Saw lawyer today



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

He said I probably could have got the ex kicked out if I had gone forward with an order for him to vacate. So I likely screwed myself by leaving. I thought the ex would have had to have hit me to get sole possession of the house, lawyer said no, the ex's emotional abuse should have been enough. 

Son sides with H totally, so it probably would have been a blood bath all around, and the kids would have said I was kicking their poor dad with the bad heart out. I may have lost the kids either way. 

Divorce sucks, wish I had married a decent man, this is so horrible it defies words. It's a dog life.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Indiecat, I'm so sorry for your pain... I've read many of your posts. For what it's worth, I (female) ended up leaving because my husband simply wouldn't go. My kids ultimately stayed with him, not because they chose HIM over ME, but because they chose the DISNEY PALACE (their childhood home -- rivaled the Taj Mahal); they wanted to stay in their home (I don't blame them) rather than come with me to my new condo, but it all makes me very sad. Privately, they have both told me that they wish they had come with me when I left instead of staying with their Dad.

I've told them many times (my son gets it, my daughter doesn't yet) that *houses are buildings, it's the people living IN them that make houses a home.*

Oh well... best of luck.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Thanks clam, I know my h would have played his heart condition card. I set up the Disney Palace and paid for everything in it, more fool me. 
People say 'some day your kids may come around'. That is zero comfort. Their cheating dad looks like the hero, he actually calls them a 'tribe' now and he is 'their rock'. 
I did read recently that after several years 80% of kids are living almost exclusively with one parent despite how the joint custody agreement began. 
How do you cope with the sadness?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Indie,

The sadness is never ending. I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but it really hurts to know that I am missing so much of my kids's lives. Not sure of your kids ages, but mine are 16 and 19. My 19 year old totally gets it, now that he is a young adult he has reasoned through his Dad's SEVERE shortcomings (as both a husband and a father) and we are the BEST of friends, good parent/child/coming of age relationship.

My daughter is slightly behind her brother in terms of accepting it all. She is much more materialistic like her Dad, but our relationship is lightyears ahead of where it was when her dad and I first separated. I find her texting and calling me a LOT now... when she got her first speeding ticket it was ME she called. When she was preparing for her "mock trial" for school court case, it was ME she called. When she needed outfits coordinated for her school trip to Canada, it was ME she relied on, not her dad. I am helping her set up her SATS, ACTS, college applications, and college visits.

Trust me, it DOES get better. In the beginning when my kids decided to stay at The Palace, I thought my heart would break. But soon my son told me that I was a great mom, that his dad was "no role model for him", and then I saw the tide beginning to turn.

The whole "awakening" period for my kids took 1-1/2 - 2 years to happen. I wish I could tell you it was quicker.

On a POSITIVE note, my kids ADORE my new SO. He is an extremely positive influence in their lives, they love seeing me happy and he is involved in a lot of their interests and activities.

Feel free to PM me if you wish. I know EXACTLY how you feel and EXACTLY where you stand.

P.S. My ex and I share 50/50 custody. My daughter, who is still a minor, lives with him and spends much more time with him. My son, who is now a legal adult in college, spends A LOT more time with me. I am the one he calls when he needs an opinion, to talk, girl issues, etc. Trust me Indie, in the end your kids will know you were always (and still are) there for them. My kids saw right through my ex's scam and sham. Just took some time...


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