# My Ukrainian wife is babying me



## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

My problem is quite simple I am socially inept because of my Aspergers so I went online to one of the Russian dating sites to meet someone anyways long story short I have been married for a year. The relationship is great outside of this one problem I told her I had Aspergers and she looked it up and now she is overprotective telling me I'm too kind and naive and other women will try to trick me. She says that in the Ukraine women try to steal men from each other so she has to protect me from "*****s who will steal my man away". I tried to tell her that I was a virgin when we married and that she is way better looking than me but she says that I don't drink or beat women so other women will try to take me. How do I get her to understand that I can take care of myself and she doesn't need to text me every hour at work.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Quant said:


> My problem is quite simple I am socially inept because of my aspergers so I went online to one of the Russian dating sites to meet someone anyways long story short I have been married for a year. The relationship is great outside of this one problem I told her I had aspergers and she looked it up and now she is overprotective telling me I'm too kind and naive and other women will try to trick me. She says that in the Ukraine women try to steal men from each other so she has to protect me from "*****s who will steal my man away". I tried to tell her that I was a virgin when we married and that she is way better looking than me but she says that I don't drink or beat women so other women will try to take me. How do I get her to understand that I can take care of myself and she doesn't need to text me every hour at work.


Brother I hope you don't have sizeable assets. Its not the first time a foriegn bride has married for financial and citizenship gain. Their countries are toilets and you represent an exit of that toilet. Tread carefully.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Sanity said:


> Brother I hope you don't have sizeable assets. Its not the first time a foriegn bride has married for financial and citizenship gain. Their countries are toilets and you represent an exit of that toilet. Tread carefully.


 I understand that, we have a prenup and she is really in love with me.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Quant said:


> I understand that we have a prenup and she is really in love with me.


Prenups mean nothing if its deemed "unfair" to the judge as she can ask for Alimony and other demands. Is she hurrying you to get citizenship paperwork done? Is she jealous when you mention females?


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Sanity said:


> Prenups mean nothing if its deemed "unfair" to the judge as she can ask for Alimony and other demands. Is she hurrying you to get citizenship paperwork done? Is she jealous when you mention females?


I'm quite comfortable with the prenup. Anyways to your second question yes she does get jealous she says I'm not bad looking and other women flirt with me and I don't notice it, she doesn't get mad at me but sometimes gives evil looks at women talking to me. No she is not in a hurry for citizenship paperwork but she does want children I said she is only 23 but she says that's old where shes from.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Quant said:


> I'm quite comfortable with the prenup. Anyways to your second question yes she does get jealous she says I'm not bad looking and other women flirt with me and I don't notice it, she doesn't get mad at me but sometimes gives evil looks at women talking to me. No she is not in a hurry for citizenship paperwork but she does want children I said she is only 23 but she says that's old where shes from.


I think it is a cultural thing, and that she will become Americanized all too soon. Enjoy her attention while it lasts....

Sounds like you hit the jackpot....

the wooschuck


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So your Russian mail order bride told you to be careful of manipulative women who may try to trick you? a

Bueller?

Bueller?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> I think it is a cultural thing, and that she will become Americanized all too soon. Enjoy her attention while it lasts....
> 
> Sounds like you hit the jackpot....
> 
> the wooschuck


The fact that she thinks you have options is actually a good thing. I mean she could be like some other threads and doing God knows what during the day while you are gone.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> I think it is a cultural thing, and that she will become Americanized all too soon. Enjoy her attention while it lasts....
> 
> Sounds like you hit the jackpot....
> 
> the wooschuck


She doesn't like American women she says they are fat and don't know how to keep a man happy.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

tom67 said:


> The fact that she thinks you have options is actually a good thing. I mean she could be like some other threads and doing God knows what during the day while you are gone.


How do I get her to worry less though?


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> So your Russian mail order bride told you to be careful of manipulative women who may try to trick you? a
> 
> Bueller?
> 
> Bueller?


I'm not very good with irony but understand what you're saying but she legitimately cares about me.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

"Mail order bride" is used snobbishly, exactly the way nobility acts towards commoners. Nobility is born into it. There is nothing they did to earn it. Someone who actualy does something, like moving, to live in a first world democracy, no - they are not entitled. We'll call them mail order brides. 

OP, all you can do is put your foot down and give it time. You need clear boundaries, like no calling more than twice a day at work or whatever. If she is a keeper, she'll get it.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> "Mail order bride" is used snobbishly, exactly the way nobility acts towards commoners. Nobility is born into it. There is nothing they did to earn it. Someone who actualy does something, like moving, to live in a first world democracy, no - they are not entitled. We'll call them mail order brides.
> 
> OP, all you can do is put your foot down and give it time. You need clear boundaries, like no calling more than twice a day at work or whatever. If she is a keeper, she'll get it.


I'm kind of unsure how to approach it with out upsetting her she only has one friend since moving here and is very lonely if we don't interact allot she will cry and say I don't care about her. So should I phrase it in a practical way like you are hurting my ability to make money so we can have kids sooner? I mean this is my first real relationship so I kind of don't know how to approach it with out creating unnecessary conflict.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Quant said:


> I'm kind of unsure how to approach it with out upsetting her she only has one friend since moving here and is very lonely if we don't interact allot she will cry and say I don't care about her. So should I phrase it in a practical way like you are hurting my ability to make money so we can have kids sooner? I mean this is my first real relationship so I kind of don't know how to approach it with out creating unnecessary conflict.


What does she do all day? Does she work, go to school, have any activities? It could be that she is feeling so insecure because she is lonely and bored and doesn't know anybody else, so she is looking to you to fill her life. She needs to establish a life outside of you, with work, friends, hobbies, volunteer work, school, something.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

justonelife said:


> What does she do all day? Does she work, go to school, have any activities? It could be that she is feeling so insecure because she is lonely and bored and doesn't know anybody else, so she is looking to you to fill her life. She needs to establish a life outside of you, with work, friends, hobbies, volunteer work, school, something.


She already has a degree in mathematics but she is working on improving her language skills at a local collage as well as taking some economics courses. I think you are right I need to take her to some Russian themed events in the area and have her make more friends, I also have enough money for a child so I guess we could have a kid to keep her occupied as well.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Quant said:


> I'm kind of unsure how to approach it with out upsetting her *she only has one friend since moving here and is very lonely* if we don't interact allot she will cry and say I don't care about her. So should I phrase it in a practical way like you are hurting my ability to make money so we can have kids sooner? I mean this is my first real relationship so I kind of don't know how to approach it with out creating unnecessary conflict.


Mr. Quant,

There are second and third generation of ethnic Russian and Ukrainian living in your country. You can start by contacting nearest Russian-American communities near you, and ask to join their local events. This way, your wife could have some more friends and maybe not feeling too lonely anymore.

This organization is a good start "Slavic Voice of America" ? ????? ?????? ???????


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Quant said:


> She doesn't like American women she says they are fat and don't know how to keep a man happy.


Let's see, she is new to the USA. She does not speak English well enough to get a job. She has no American friends to speak of. But she knows this about American woman? Not all woman of any country are the same.. not even here in the USA.

She will grow with time and most likely become like the rest of us fat Americans who don't know how to take care of our men. I've known a lot of women from all over the world who came to the USA... with time most of them become more and more "Americanized" when they are married to American men.

My point is that she sounds insecure. With that attitude she will find it hard to make friends with other women. People often use something like that attitude to put up walls to protect themselves from having to reach out to others.

She sounds super dependent on you. While to some her attention might sound nice, it sounds like you are feeling smothered. This is not a good start. I agree with others that you need to encourage her to make friends and build a social life that includes both you and other female friends.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Buy rosetta stone and learn ukranian she will appreciate it


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Not all foreign wives are gold diggers. 

I know a guy who married a gal from one of those Eastern European countries (Latvia I think...I could be wrong). He met her through one of those dating services and travelled over there twice to visit her before he brought her here. I think he told me he screened through twenty women or so over a period of three years before he found her. 

She is drop dead gorgeous and looks like she belongs on a Paris runway. If there was any woman who would be able to cheat easily it would be her. But they have a good marriage, a couple of kids , and are happy as lovebirds. They are going on ten years together. 

OP you need to sit your wife down and explain to her that even though your aspergers causes you some social awkwardness and an inability to sometimes understand irony and abstract humor, you got your career going by yourself and you were fine without her before you married. Tell her you want a wife, not a mother.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Not all foreign wives are gold diggers.
> 
> I know a guy who married a gal from Latvia. He met her through one of those dating services and travelled over there twice to visit her before he brought her here. I think he told me he screened through twenty women or so over a period of three years before he found her.
> 
> ...


I went to costa rica back in the 90s and every woman jumped me. I was kind of glad to go back to a sports bar and relax.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Ive heard of this especially from former Soviet Union.

As I understand it. A womans perspective bar is generally set MUCH lower. Your husband didnt come home drunk last night and beat you? KEEPER! The vodka jokes are very very grim REAL jokes. 

Remember if you see beatings as a child and you get a man who you dont flinch at if he raises his hand to scratch his nose....


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A wife who actually thinks her man is a prize and she wants to take care of him? That's just un American.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

tom67 said:


> I went to costa rica back in the 90s and every woman jumped me. I was kind of glad to go back to a sports bar and relax.


In my 20's I visited my mom's home country and she introduced me to some friends and family. One young female friend of my moms in particular took an obssesive liking to me. She just about threw herself sexually at me and I had to tell her no. Later my mom told me how desperate she was to get out of her country so I was her meal ticket out. People sometimes do desperate things to get out of desperate situations.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> A wife who actually thinks her man is a prize and she wants to take care of him? That's just un American.


Normally I would agree but experience tells me that these marital arraignments typically end with the foreign bride jumping ship once the kids are a bit older, assets are built and citizenship issued. Had this happen to several people I know actually. 

Its not to say that it can't work but you should literally practice "buyer beware" when shopping for a wife overseas. 

Personally I think long term its a risk because once the bride is exposed to enough American culture and our worthless reality shows, it corrupts them and you end up losing everything.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Your odds of losing everything are pretty high, either way. If the guy gets a hottie blowing powder sugar up his wazoo for a few years, that's more than most husbands get. My dad married a wonderful woman from Peru. They've been together over 30 years and she thinks he hung the moon (or at least treats him like he did).


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I'll bite. My wife is from the same locale. I was self employed at the time and visited her 3 times for a month each and she came to the US for another 3 months before we married. 
Things are different there, women do steal their men from each other and even tolerate cheating when they have a good provider. The vodka is as cheap as good bottled water, so there is a lot of drunks. My wife maintains the opinion that the country lost so many men in it's wars that there is an imbalance to this day.
The economic situation is pretty bad. For women looking for good guys, you take out the drunks, cheaters, thieves, and the ones that simply won't marry because they can't support a wife/family on their income(which is many), it doesn't leave much. 
When I went to visit her aunt and uncle, the men ate first, and men didn't touch their own plate...if you wanted more of something you ask and one of the women dished it up for you. 
They will become Americanized and I agree with unbelievable, odds aren't that great either way these days. There was a study however, that 80% of such couples survive compared to....actually I'm not sure of the divorce rate in the USA now.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Quant said:


> I'm kind of unsure how to approach it with out upsetting her she only has one friend since moving here and is very lonely if we don't interact allot she will cry and say I don't care about her. So should I phrase it in a practical way like you are hurting my ability to make money so we can have kids sooner? I mean this is my first real relationship so I kind of don't know how to approach it with out creating unnecessary conflict.


Just be straightforward and honest. Simple rules like no more than X number of calls per day. Definitley do what you can with lunch for her. 

I work from home so this wasn't a problem for us and we love spending every minute together. She uses webchat every day to talk to her family.

We don't do these cultural get-togethers. There isn't anything we have in common except the nationality and that is definitely not a reason you are going to be friends. Our local group is run by religious nuts, and they are just too pushy with their superstition. 

Everyone is different. Mine did not need or want to establish a life outside our little paradise. Yours will let you know if she wants to. 

Some of the comments about foreign marriages are laughably ignorant. A site like VisaJourney - Your US Immigration Community is good for speaking with people who actually know what they are talking about, and there is a Russiaon-Ukraine-Belarus section on that forum.

Did you do K-1 or K-3?


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Mr. Quant,
> 
> There are second and third generation of ethnic Russian and Ukrainian living in your country. You can start by contacting nearest Russian-American communities near you, and ask to join their local events. This way, your wife could have some more friends and maybe not feeling too lonely anymore.
> 
> This organization is a good start "Slavic Voice of America" ? ????? ?????? ???????


Thank you for the suggestion I talked to her about making more friends and she said she only wanted to be with me all day.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Let's see, she is new to the USA. She does not speak English well enough to get a job. She has no American friends to speak of. But she knows this about American woman? Not all woman of any country are the same.. not even here in the USA.
> 
> She will grow with time and most likely become like the rest of us fat Americans who don't know how to take care of our men. I've known a lot of women from all over the world who came to the USA... with time most of them become more and more "Americanized" when they are married to American men.
> 
> ...


She actually speaks english quite well grammatically and is educated in the same field as me though not as advanced. I think it might be cultural she says she loves me and I need to be taken care of. I have talked to her about more friends and she got irritated and said that would take time away from me.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Not all foreign wives are gold diggers.
> 
> I know a guy who married a gal from one of those Eastern European countries (Latvia I think...I could be wrong). He met her through one of those dating services and travelled over there twice to visit her before he brought her here. I think he told me he screened through twenty women or so over a period of three years before he found her.
> 
> ...


She says won't text while I am at work as much but talking to her about my Aspergers makes her want to care for me more.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

badcompany said:


> I'll bite. My wife is from the same locale. I was self employed at the time and visited her 3 times for a month each and she came to the US for another 3 months before we married.
> Things are different there, women do steal their men from each other and even tolerate cheating when they have a good provider. The vodka is as cheap as good bottled water, so there is a lot of drunks. My wife maintains the opinion that the country lost so many men in it's wars that there is an imbalance to this day.
> The economic situation is pretty bad. For women looking for good guys, you take out the drunks, cheaters, thieves, and the ones that simply won't marry because they can't support a wife/family on their income(which is many), it doesn't leave much.
> When I went to visit her aunt and uncle, the men ate first, and men didn't touch their own plate...if you wanted more of something you ask and one of the women dished it up for you.
> They will become Americanized and I agree with unbelievable, odds aren't that great either way these days. There was a study however, that 80% of such couples survive compared to....actually I'm not sure of the divorce rate in the USA now.


The divorce rates are only high if there is a big age gap between the foreign wife and husband, I'm only 29 and shes 23 so we aren't too far apart. The attractiveness gap isn't comically different either I'm probably a 6 while shes a 9.5 however I make a high income in a status job so that probably helps as well.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Just be straightforward and honest. Simple rules like no more than X number of calls per day. Definitley do what you can with lunch for her.
> 
> I work from home so this wasn't a problem for us and we love spending every minute together. She uses webchat every day to talk to her family.
> 
> ...


Your suggestion worked best she said it's fine for a man to make rules and you are right she doesn't seem interested in making new friends also I did a K-1.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Quant said:


> The divorce rates are only high if there is a big age gap between the foreign wife and husband, I'm only 29 and shes 23 so we aren't too far apart. The attractiveness gap isn't comically different either I'm probably a 6 while shes a 9.5 however I make a high income in a status job so that probably helps as well.


Get your attractiveness up a couple of points. You will get dinged even though you have a high salary. I wouldn't want to deal with the hassle if I could avoid it.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Get your attractiveness up a couple of points. You will get dinged even though you have a high salary. I wouldn't want to deal with the hassle if I could avoid it.


I am in good shape but I have no style and my hair is always a mess so you think I should get my wife to give me a makeover?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Quant said:


> I am in good shape but I have no style and my hair is always a mess so you think I should get my wife to give me a makeover?


Do it yourself. Get into yourself enough to take care of it. Keep your hair cut, and some different looks. Get that to about an 8, and you probably won't have any problems.

In my experience being married and in these situations, it's usually not a good idea to let a wife or gf "dress her man". I mean very occasionally she can gift clothes, but the overall burden and task should be handled by the man. If she controls it it puts you into a boy position.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Do it yourself. Get into yourself enough to take care of it. Keep your hair cut, and some different looks. Get that to about an 8, and you probably won't have any problems.
> 
> In my experience being married and in these situations, it's usually not a good idea to let a wife or gf "dress her man". I mean very occasionally she can gift clothes, but the overall burden and task should be handled by the man. If she controls it it puts you into a boy position.


Okay I think I will ask my gay cousin for help instead. You are probably wondering why I need help well I have Aspergers and Aspies are notorious for their horrible sense of style so I don't trust myself.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Quant said:


> Okay I think I will ask my gay cousin for help instead. You are probably wondering why I need help well I have aspergers and aspies are notorious for their horrible sense of style so I don't trust myself.


Back when I was doing pretty good with it, I had some friends who were just into their style and I'd go along sometimes. You just get a feel for it, and develop your own style.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Quant said:


> Your suggestion worked best she said it's fine for a man to make rules and you are right she doesn't seem interested in making new friends also I did a K-1.


Great. So you've done adjustment of status = 2yr card. You did an interview with an immigration official for that, and had to demonstrate that the marriage was genuine. Next is removal of conditions = ten year card. 

She would already have left you according to the "gold digger" theory because she is already a permanent resident and doesn't need you for that any more. She can become a citizen on her own now. As of whenever she adjusted status. She can divorce you and still get citizenship. 

Large age gaps are very common, and there is no survey or experience that suggests they are more prone to divorce. Go to visajourney dot com and you'll see most of the Philippines couples have pretty wide age gaps. There is a survey on the page for (duh) surveys. It is not a random sample of course but it is hundreds of responses and shows the age gaps, very lopsided. It isn't just american men marrying younger Asian and Eastern European. American women are marrying younger men in what they call MENA (Middle East North Africa). 

A woman like your wife is adventurous and brave to sally forth out of a hard area to a completely new country and culture... leaving friends and family, language, etc. If she was one of our poverty-stricken immigrant ancestors we would treat them with reverence and call them pioneers. It wasn't the rich people migrating to America. 

The statue of liberty has this inscription about "give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..." What's great about that most famous inscription over the former Ellis Island Immigration Entrypoint is the utter hypocrisy of it. Because you can't legally immigrate if you are one of those tired, poor, huddled masses - unless you can be exploited politically, anyway. And even if you immigrate legally, showing marital status or work or whatever it is, you'll be called by a pejorative label. 

So what you learn from it is that it's "us against the world". It's such a great adventure to live through as a couple. Minus all of the immigration hassle, which has been horrendous for us. What they make you go through is stupid, stupid, stupid.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Quant said:


> Okay I think I will ask my gay cousin for help instead. You are probably wondering why I need help well I have aspergers and aspies are notorious for their horrible sense of style so I don't trust myself.


Oh man that is funny! I have a family member who is aspie and she is clueless when it comes to dressing herself. Sometime she will mix clothing in a way that makes her look like a circus clown. I'm not kidding.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Just reassure her that you cherish her and your wedding vows. ASPERGER's OR NOT, you not only have no desire to be with anyone BUT her, you would never commit adultery/be unfaithful.

When you are at work you are unable to send or receive texts throughout the day. You will be happy to text or call after you've eaten lunch IF you can, but she will have to wait to speak with you when you get home. Unless you are the boss, most work places frown on excessive personal calls/texts, some forbid it altogether except for emergencies...you need to get this under control.

She has to own her own happiness and deal with her boredom.
If she doesn't want to get out and meet new friends. THen suggest hobbies she might enjoy...painting, gardening, learning new ways to cook or bake...whatever. Volunteer somewhere, get a part-time job at a place she enjoys...daycare to be around little ones, animal shelter if she likes pets....she needs to have at least SOMETHING other than just you.
You need to make couple friends......if you don't already go to church...join a church you might enjoy and make friends there. There are always volunteer activities around a church community as well as things like the Choir, Youth ministry, Angel Food, etc. Churches usually warmly welcome you into their community..

You said you were 25...so I'm guessing your Parents are still living. Any help from them embracing her and helping her (like sister goes to yoga take your wife along, mom goes to knitting group take her daughter-in-law) 

You need some people in-place that you can trust so that when you DO have children...you have someone to give you a break/watch the kids so you can go on date night...to spend time together...cultivating your relationship so that when the kids go off to College...you both are still in-love and connected. 

You need to let her understand that the you haven't changed from before or after she looked up the Asperger's diagnosis. And you feel it disrespectful to assume that it makes you any less of a man than you were before. You Chose HER, you have zero desire to be with any other woman, nor would you forget your vows period. You expect the same of her. You will trust each other until someone gives the other reason NOT to (Asperger's hasn't changed this.)


Now, I know that Asperger's can give you difficulties with social situations and communication. You have a job and go to work....so you are on the mild spectrum and with work, practice and concerted effort/willingness to do so...you can venture out to some sort of group setting where you feel safe, secure and comfortable......go out to that group activity and teach your wife by showing her that you only have eyes for her, and you can make friends with other couples doing some activity you all enjoy. 

Since you have been diagnosed with Asperger's then I'm sure you have a therapist you worked with in the past (maybe the one who gave you the diagnosis) or if you haven't GET a counselor who specializes in Adult Asperger's who can teach you skills to EFFECTIVELY communicate WITH your wife (and the new groups of couples you will hopefully meet)...your counselor can also meet with your wife to answer any questions she has about Asperger's...to help her understand it. 
Don't let her simply reading about the diagnosis change how she sees you...you are STILL the MAN she married and agreed to love, honor, cherish and to forsake all others.

Use your tools AND therapist to learn how to better effectively communicate with her...so you both can have a great life together. 
Great time to do this now so that you can both figure out how to fix your current issues........to devise a plan so that you have mutually agreed upon expectations BEFORE you get pregnant. 

She is being quite controlling of you...due to her own insecurities.
This needs to be addressed As Soon As Possible...got fix the little problems NOW before you add a third person to the mix (i.e. make a baby).....if she continues to be this needy and controlling it will only get worse.

You can get through this...but get with or find a Therapist who specializes in Adult Asperger's so they can empower you with coping skills and behavior modifications to navigate through your relationships.

I truly wish you good luck. You can make it...requires working at it and taking the help when you need it to be the best person you can be. 
A Happy marriage is when both person's core needs are met. You can BOTH do this, but you BOTH have to make the effort.

I'm rooting for you!


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Great. So you've done adjustment of status = 2yr card. You did an interview with an immigration official for that, and had to demonstrate that the marriage was genuine. Next is removal of conditions = ten year card.
> 
> She would already have left you according to the "gold digger" theory because she is already a permanent resident and doesn't need you for that any more. She can become a citizen on her own now. As of whenever she adjusted status. She can divorce you and still get citizenship.
> 
> ...


It wasn't too bad for me because I just payed a immigration attorney and had him do most of the work. You are right she can leave me immediately and get quite a bit of money in the prenup still so I think she at least really likes me.:smthumbup:


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Oh man that is funny! I have a family member who is aspie and she is clueless when it comes to dressing herself. Sometime she will mix clothing in a way that makes her look like a circus clown. I'm not kidding.


Yeah my wife when we first met said I have a handsome face and body but dress like a homeless person.:lol:


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> Just reassure her that you cherish her and your wedding vows. ASPERGER's OR NOT, you not only have no desire to be with anyone BUT her, you would never commit adultery/be unfaithful.
> 
> When you are at work you are unable to send or receive texts throughout the day. You will be happy to text or call after you've eaten lunch IF you can, but she will have to wait to speak with you when you get home. Unless you are the boss, most work places frown on excessive personal calls/texts, some forbid it altogether except for emergencies...you need to get this under control.
> 
> ...


 You are kind, I have a therapist and I will set up an appointment for both of us.I'm sorry but both of us don't believe in god so church is a no go but I think I will have her help me with some of the credit derivatives I am constructing since she loves math like me.I just don't understand how she can think I will cheat or look at other women when I have trouble looking people in the eyes and she looks like a model.

My hypothesis is that since Ukraine has such a gender imbalance because of male alcoholism and I'm fairly young and well off she thinks I'm some kind of catch. Also I'm 29 and she is 23, she says I have a good body and handsome face we have sex at least once a day so I believe her. She says that I'm naive and need to get better at slapping down women that flirt but the problem is that I literally don't know when someone is flirting with me most of the time.

I am a only child and my parents used to beat me for acting out when I was younger so I really have very little familial contact and it is the same with her abusive drunken family in Ukraine we basically just have each other.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Quant said:


> You are kind, I have a therapist and I will set up an appointment for both of us.I'm sorry but both of us don't believe in god so church is a no go but I think I will have her help me with some of the credit derivatives I am constructing since she loves math like me.I just don't understand how she can think I will cheat or look at other women when I have trouble looking people in the eyes and she looks like a model.
> 
> My hypothesis is that since Ukraine has such a gender imbalance because of male alcoholism and I'm fairly young and well off she thinks I'm some kind of catch. Also I'm 29 and she is 23, she says I have a good body and handsome face we have sex at least once a day so I believe her. She says that I'm naive and need to get better at slapping down women that flirt but the problem is that I literally don't know when someone is flirting with me most of the time.
> 
> I am a only child and my parents used to beat me for acting out when I was younger so I really have very little familial contact and it is the same with her abusive drunken family in Ukraine we basically just have each other.


>Yeah my wife when we first met said I have a handsome face and body but dress like a homeless person<

Few things
1) You communicate well using the computer.
2) I would encourage you to integrate her into YOUR AMERICAN life. Get her English up etc. Its going to happen anyway but it will help in #3 below.
3) Find SOMETHING social for you both to be a COUPLE to do together, preferably with OTHER COUPLES.
4) Giving a woman a house and a car WILL NOT HOLD HER FOREVER. She needs purpose eventually.
5) NEVER stop dating her! (I am guilty on this but trust me)
6) The flirting thing. LOL I was so effing clueless about it until a female coworker says to me one day, "Wow was she flirting with you" I HAD NO EFFING CLUE. She then showed me the signs and I see it ALOT from women say 32 to 50. Im mid 40s. Definitely nothing from the young hotties but hey I admit I love the ego boost. Understand I NEVER EVER even respond. Vows and all that. Simply explain to your wife look her in they eye (Yes I know hard for you) that women will do this and you promise to NEVER respond and she is your sexual everything. then fvck the crap out of her.
7) Not sure talking about derivatives will make her all wet and horny for you. See #2 above. random thoughts. Hiking, biking, camping groups? Just make sure any groups are couple- centric not full of young single men who want to bang your wife.
8) BTW stick around. Seen you on another thread or two. Not bad actually.:smthumbup:


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> >Yeah my wife when we first met said I have a handsome face and body but dress like a homeless person<
> 
> Few things
> 1) You communicate well using the computer.
> ...


1) That is because I don't have to look at you in the face and read social cues but thank you.
2)She is already taking English classes to improve her pronunciation she already has excellent grammar.
3)This one will be difficult for me but I think I will go on a double date with one of my colleagues and his wife to test it out.
4)She says she wants children so I guess that could give her purpose, I could also encourage her to continue her education in mathematics.
5)I take her out once a week I do it to get her to stop cooking so she can get a break but I guess I can try to be more creative with it and change its purpose.
6)I don't think I will ever be able to recognize flirting very well I already ignore it. I think you are right about reassuring her.
7)I have very narrow interests and I am a workaholic so I thought if I incorporated her into some of my work she would feel useful since she has some mathematics training.If I was to choose one of those activities I would choose hiking since that doesn't involve athleticism.
8)Thank you, since I have no social life outside of my wife I think I will be on here quite a bit.:smthumbup:


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Find her a hobby and support it. My wife runs too tight of a ship financially and in her "normal" state, didn't want to spend the money on a hobby nor did she communicate it well what she wanted to do in that regards. Looking back I should have pushed per towards a hobby instead of being like "ok, whatever". Post childbirth though she freaked out and wanted everything now when we were buried in medical bills so it's been a bit of a battle. She wanted to do some photography and last month was extra check month so we got her a nice one.
When you have kids, she will shift most of the attention to them if she is anything like my wife. This is fine, but you still need to be top priority with kids a close 2nd, as the kids will prosper the best with happy parents. Might want to have this talk with her.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

badcompany said:


> Find her a hobby and support it. My wife runs too tight of a ship financially and in her "normal" state, didn't want to spend the money on a hobby nor did she communicate it well what she wanted to do in that regards. Looking back I should have pushed per towards a hobby instead of being like "ok, whatever". Post childbirth though she freaked out and wanted everything now when we were buried in medical bills so it's been a bit of a battle. She wanted to do some photography and last month was extra check month so we got her a nice one.
> When you have kids, she will shift most of the attention to them if she is anything like my wife. This is fine, but you still need to be top priority with kids a close 2nd, as the kids will prosper the best with happy parents. Might want to have this talk with her.


Money isn't a problem so I think we will be fine with the kids but you are right I need to encourage her interests.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

1. Interests and friends...meetup.com can be pretty effective.
2. She sounds like a keeper.
3. Perspectives differ. I wouldn't worry too much about her nervousness about time apart. My wife's Korean...and her expectations of a husband include regular beatings (but no broken bones...that's too much), drunkenness, absence, and continual philandering(which results in a very wary eye towards any female acquaintances...and a certain amount of checking up during time apart*). She also has a pretty low opinion of American women. (...okay...no sex for 6 months...and you're upset he cheated?...given that he held off for a month...just be relieved he's not gay. Then apologize.)
4. Shared interests - My wife and I are somewhere on the spectrum. Card and board games are either lovely, or terrible - depending on how mathie you both are - there are some that are basically gigantic formal-proof games with hidden information. Some people get into birdwatching, not us. Watching TV or movies together can be good. Hiking can be ok, but lonely - as we're often mostly focused on not falling over or staring into space. Crafts can be nice too - or shared volunteer work.

5. Many women like children - but be sure to talk about both your expectations about kids. Some Aspies are good with children, others, not so much - that can result in conflict.

6. Organization - people have to schedule time to be with each other...the spontaneous stuff eventually doesn't cut it. Talk about realistic time expectations.

7. Longer term...quant hours and marriage may be problematic.

8. Abusive drunken family is a red flag. But then, so is yours. Um. Probably smart to practice effective marital communication. There's tons of resources available.

Btw, she's a math major...so...um...how odd is she? An awful lot of mathies aren't straight NTs.

Building Common Ground: Aspies' and Autists' Gifts to Society

...might convince her that Aspies are less likely to cheat than the general population.

...careful with the gay cousin thing...I tried it...and ended up dressed like a well-dressed gay man. It is worth trying, but get a second opinion too.

--Argyle


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> 1. Interests and friends...meetup.com can be pretty effective.
> 2. She sounds like a keeper.
> 3. Perspectives differ. I wouldn't worry too much about her nervousness about time apart. My wife's Korean...and her expectations of a husband include regular beatings (but no broken bones...that's too much), drunkenness, absence, and continual philandering(which results in a very wary eye towards any female acquaintances...and a certain amount of checking up during time apart*). She also has a pretty low opinion of American women. (...okay...no sex for 6 months...and you're upset he cheated?...given that he held off for a month...just be relieved he's not gay. Then apologize.)
> 4. Shared interests - My wife and I are somewhere on the spectrum. Card and board games are either lovely, or terrible - depending on how mathie you both are - there are some that are basically gigantic formal-proof games with hidden information. Some people get into birdwatching, not us. Watching TV or movies together can be good. Hiking can be ok, but lonely - as we're often mostly focused on not falling over or staring into space. Crafts can be nice too - or shared volunteer work.
> ...


1. That would work but to be perfectly honest neither of us really care about friendships with other people.

2.You are right.

3.It's like you have a Korean version of my wife.

4.I let her help with my work,she seems to enjoy it I will also try games thanks.

5.My wife really wants children so it is kind of a requirement and I don't really have a problem with them.

6.We already have a schedule and I think it really helps Aspies.

7.I run my own firm and since she has a mathematics education with a very good knowledge base I think I may have her work at least part time at my firm.

8.Yes both of our families are a mess.

She is really introverted but not Aspie and telling her that Aspies are less likely to cheat sounds like a good idea.My cousin dresses well but he really isn't flamboyantly gay, I don't think so at least since he always talks about hating what he calls "flamers".


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Quant said:


> 1. That would work but to be perfectly honest neither of us really care about friendships with other people.
> 
> 2.You are right.
> 
> ...


1) You should care about outside friends. One person is NOT enough for company LONG term. You need to work this at a moderate pace. YOU NEED TO GET IT DONE, but not necessarily tomorrow.
4) COOL!
5) Ive heard this is true that Ukraine women want children early but you may want to build the marriage a bit before doing this. Enjoy being a couple. Understand I love the crap out of my two kids. They are also VERY significant impediments to doing anything fun that does not involve them directly.
7) Sounds like a winner BUT SEE ABOVE. You can not be the her sole social contact LONG TERM. AGAIN something you need to get done but work it as a plan not a panic. LONG term you cannot be her only social contact. Women need a few NONTOXIC MARRIED women friends and do an ***early ending marriage friendly*** GNO with to get her out of the house. 
Note this does NOT EVER MEAN clubs or bars. It means her friends house from say 8 to 11PM twice a month or going to TGI FRidays with a few friends and back by 10PM. BTW SAME RULES FOR YOU. Set very formal boundaries you are both bound by. 

Then again I dont see you at a dance club anyway.

As far as dressing from the gay cousin:
BTW have a number of gay friends. As I understand it, there are many subgroups in gay culture and not all get along. Two of my gay friends have a distinct dislike of "flamers". I had a gay friend tell me once about flamers: Think of my tastes as being that of what many women want. When I want a man I want a man, not a girl with a ****. That was a whoa! moment.

FUNNY story about another of my gay friends. I was moonlighting at at a dept store in the mens dept. We worked together. One customer returns a wine red silk shirt with a hood on it. Think of the shirt Adam Ant wore in his music videos back in the 80s but wine red and with a hood. This is ca 2004 btw.

Now everyone knows he is gay. hes not a flamer but he is out of the closet and makes no effort to hide who he is. Its late and there are like 5 of us at the cash wrap. He looks at the shirt, cringes his nose, picks it up by the edges as one would pick up a piece of poop if forced to pick it up. Inspects it, turns it around a few times... 

Scoffs, drops it, then walked away and in an idignant tone, "Oh that is too gay even for me!"

We all absolutely LOST IT. One of the funniest moments ever!


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

5. Please be careful. The problems with children and Aspies tend to fall into 3 categories.

(a) lack of interest/workalcoholism - childraising typically occupies about 120 hours weekly, for the first few years at least. This can be particularly difficult for people with difficult schedules. It can also cause discord if one spouse expects the other spouse to contribute more than they actually do. Eg., I used to expect my wife to hug our children. Or to be able to understand and cope when they're upset. Nannies/babysitting/preschool helps.

(b) sensory issues - children are continuously noisy. If you have trouble filtering noise, that can result in a lot of meltdowns. They also tend to climb on their parents. Meltdowns never help marriages. 
Headphones helped my wife. After a few meltdowns, they only climb on daddy.

(c) Executive functioning - which probably is not a problem for you... That's the bit where, eg, my wife has trouble cleaning up after or waking up in time to take the kids to class.

That said, our children are absolutely wonderful and a source of joy. I just recommend talking through and planning your children and division of responsibilities with your wife.

8. Please be careful. This is a sensitive topic. Abusive families tend to leave their children with scars. In my wife's case, those scars manifested as mental illness. It sounds like your wife is pretty together, so not such a worry, but...crazy tends to come out more with children.

Lastly, a woman who (a) is completely introverted, (b) majors in mathematics, (c) has a fairly innocent view of the world, and (d) bonds by working on quantitative finance...is several standard deviations from the mean. The presentation of Asperger's in women is often fairly different than in men - that might be worth looking into.

--Argyle


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> 5. Please be careful. The problems with children and Aspies tend to fall into 3 categories.
> 
> (a) lack of interest/workalcoholism - childraising typically occupies about 120 hours weekly, for the first few years at least. This can be particularly difficult for people with difficult schedules. It can also cause discord if one spouse expects the other spouse to contribute more than they actually do. Eg., I used to expect my wife to hug our children. Or to be able to understand and cope when they're upset. Nannies/babysitting/preschool helps.
> 
> ...


I think workaholism will be the main impediment to me handling children. My wife wants to do most of the work with the children so I think that can help mitigate the long hours that I work.I suppose it is possible she has Asperger's but she is way more socially competent than me when she needs to interact with people.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> 1) You should care about outside friends. One person is NOT enough for company LONG term. You need to work this at a moderate pace. YOU NEED TO GET IT DONE, but not necessarily tomorrow.
> 4) COOL!
> 5) Ive heard this is true that Ukraine women want children early but you may want to build the marriage a bit before doing this. Enjoy being a couple. Understand I love the crap out of my two kids. They are also VERY significant impediments to doing anything fun that does not involve them directly.
> 7) Sounds like a winner BUT SEE ABOVE. You can not be the her sole social contact LONG TERM. AGAIN something you need to get done but work it as a plan not a panic. LONG term you cannot be her only social contact. Women need a few NONTOXIC MARRIED women friends and do an ***early ending marriage friendly*** GNO with to get her out of the house.
> ...


Making friends and socializing outside my marriage will be very difficult and is definitely a long term goal that will take time. Hopefully with persistent effort I will make friends who can deal with my eccentricities and lack of social graces. She has one Ukrainian girlfriend she spends time with but, you are right she needs to expand her friend pool.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

meetup.com has a ton of social groups that may work...assuming that you're in a metropolitan area. Try searches for aspie, aspergers, quant, geeks, nerds, geeks with kids, and any programming languages you're both into. 

Both of us find socializing with NTs to be fairly obnoxious/stressful...and the people in those groups are a real breath of fresh air.

--Argyle


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My grandmother was a mail order bride. She never once "tricked" my grandfather.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

The divorce rate for cross-cultural marriages is significantly lower than the US Divorce rate:

http://www.goodwife.com/survey_report.pdf

48% for domestic marriages.
40% for cross-cultural.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> meetup.com has a ton of social groups that may work...assuming that you're in a metropolitan area. Try searches for aspie, aspergers, quant, geeks, nerds, geeks with kids, and any programming languages you're both into.
> 
> Both of us find socializing with NTs to be fairly obnoxious/stressful...and the people in those groups are a real breath of fresh air.
> 
> --Argyle


This is an excellent suggestion I find NTs kind of overwhelming.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My grandmother was a mail order bride. She never once "tricked" my grandfather.


That is not what I said, I meant that she thinks other women will take advantage of me.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> The divorce rate for cross-cultural marriages is significantly lower than the US Divorce rate:
> 
> http://www.goodwife.com/survey_report.pdf
> 
> ...


Awesome solid numbers, I agree with your premise however you must be careful making a causal inference with such little statistical power and selection effects.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Quant said:


> Awesome solid numbers, I agree with your premise however you must be careful making a causal inference with such little statistical power and selection effects.


Not only is the rate lower, but once you've gotten past some important milestones like her receiving her green card, then the divorce rate is more on the order of half the US divorce rate.

You are already past that milestone and are not reporting the signs we see in troubled marriages like hiding cell phone use, unexplained time out of the house, bad relations, etc.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Quant said:


> Awesome solid numbers, I agree with your premise however you must be careful making a causal inference with such little statistical power and selection effects.


Shoot me. I actually understand the statistical ideas of what you just said. Lol. I am such a nerd.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Quant said:


> She actually speaks english quite well grammatically and is educated in the same field as me though not as advanced. I think it might be cultural she says she loves me and I need to be taken care of. I have talked to her about more friends and she got irritated and said that would take time away from me.


Things that she does while you are at work do not take away from time with you. Since she's educated and speaks English encourage her to do volunteer work. I don't know what field she is educated in but surely there is some way she can use her education even if it's volunteer. She could do it half day perhaps for now.


Things you two do socially with others do not take time away from you. See if you can find social things to do together.

If you both socialized with some people from her country, then you can discuss volunteer opportunities and maybe get her involved with something that some other woman from her country is involved with.

She's very young. How old are you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Quant said:


> 7.I run my own firm and since she has a mathematics education with a very good knowledge base I think I may have her work at least part time at my firm.


Do you have employees or work alone?

If your wife works for you, be sure to make it all 'official'. Give her a title, have her fill out time cards, pay her through payroll. This way she starts to build her own social security and she has a real work record that could be used if there comes a time when she needs to find a job elsewhere.

It's very important to do this as it's a way of recognizing that she is really an employee and really has a job.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

I wonder what your typical day looks like? For a quant, I'm imagining something like...
7 hours sleeping, 14 hours working, 1 hour dealing with life, and 2 hours with your wife?

--Argyle


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Things that she does while you are at work do not take away from time with you. Since she's educated and speaks English encourage her to do volunteer work. I don't know what field she is educated in but surely there is some way she can use her education even if it's volunteer. She could do it half day perhaps for now.
> 
> 
> Things you two do socially with others do not take time away from you. See if you can find social things to do together.
> ...


I am 29, I run a small boutique quantitative trading firm and she has a undergraduate degree in mathematics.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Do you have employees or work alone?
> 
> If your wife works for you, be sure to make it all 'official'. Give her a title, have her fill out time cards, pay her through payroll. This way she starts to build her own social security and she has a real work record that could be used if there comes a time when she needs to find a job elsewhere.
> 
> It's very important to do this as it's a way of recognizing that she is really an employee and really has a job.


Yes I have 7 employees that get a share of the profits generated, I think I could get away with listing her as my assistant. I think it is a good idea to have her work with me since my profession is time consuming so we don't see each other enough. My other idea is for me to pay for her to go to a top 50 math or compsci department and make her a partner once she has the requisite qualifications.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> I wonder what your typical day looks like? For a quant, I'm imagining something like...
> 7 hours sleeping, 14 hours working, 1 hour dealing with life, and 2 hours with your wife?
> 
> --Argyle


Very close to my day 6 hours of sleep,15 hours working,1 hour life, 2 hours with my wife.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

That schedule will be hard on any marriage. (I'm guessing 6 days weekly?) It would be good to discuss what you're both okay with, short and long-term. Many of my friends have transitioned into 60-80 hour weeks later into their career - but you're young.

Hiring spouses can be hard. It'll depend on the other people in your company, et cetera. I've seen it work. I've seen other people schedule lunch with their wife to try to stay in touch.

I would guess that working as an full-time assistant for a while, and then going part-time into a mathematics program while raising children might be a decent plan? It most likely won't make sense for her to work much while the children are young. It depends on the people, anyways. Bear in mind that employment choices are easy to change, but kids have no undo switch.

--Argyle


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> That schedule will be hard on any marriage. (I'm guessing 6 days weekly?) It would be good to discuss what you're both okay with, short and long-term. Many of my friends have transitioned into 60-80 hour weeks later into their career - but you're young.
> 
> Hiring spouses can be hard. It'll depend on the other people in your company, et cetera. I've seen it work. I've seen other people schedule lunch with their wife to try to stay in touch.
> 
> ...


I think my colleagues will be fine because she is quite bright and hard working.You are right a planned out future will be much easier to manage especially for a Aspie.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

Please be careful there - jealousy and suspicion of favoritism are likely to be high, depending on the people. The people who I've seen make this work have basically accepted that their wives would be nearly impossible to promote and would need to work near to the lowest level at their firms. YMMV.

(Eg, PhD physicist working as assistant, experienced Master's in EE working as an electrical tech...for an EE who was essentially an incompetent.)

Of course, the PhD was vastly expanding her husband's ability to get stuff done...so...it worked out.

--Argyle


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## Miss F (Jul 22, 2013)

Quant said:


> She doesn't like American women she says they are fat and don't know how to keep a man happy.


How does she know?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Miss F said:


> How does she know?


Entirely different alien mindset. Read early in the thread about the shortage of employed, non physically abusive males former USSR countries women face.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Miss F said:


> How does she know?


Weightlifter is right it's more of a cultural issue having to do with the demographics of the states in the Former Soviet Union.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> Entirely different alien mindset. Read early in the thread about the shortage of employed, non physically abusive males former USSR countries women face.


So because of what you list here, his wife knows that American women are fat and don't know how to keep a man happy. Is this what you are saying?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Quant said:


> Weightlifter is right it's more of a cultural issue having to do with the demographics of the states in the Former Soviet Union.


So all of this is why she knows that American women she says they are fat and don't know how to keep a man happy?


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> So all of this is why she knows that American women she says they are fat and don't know how to keep a man happy?


No she just is really competitive with other women and I think this sometimes translates into denigrating the competition. She also has different cultural values than Americans like for instance she gets mad at me when I try to help her with housework. America does have a high obesity rate so to her almost everyone is fat here.I just said what my wife said to tell him why she struggles making friends in America I don't believe her opinions.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Quant said:


> No she just is really competitive with other women and I think this sometimes translates into denigrating the competition. She also has different cultural values than Americans like for instance she gets mad at me when I try to help her with housework. America does have a high obesity rate so to her almost everyone is fat here.I just said what my wife said to tell him why she struggles making friends in America I don't believe her opinions.


For the very few years that I was a SAHM, I too was annoyed when my husband tried to help out in the house. I only wanted his help and there was something particular that I could not get to.

My belief is that married people are partners. They should contribute equally. When only one works outside the home for 8-10 hours a day, the other should be working in the home and raising the children 8-10 hours a day. 

You do not have children right now. There should be no need for you to do house work, cook, etc unless you really want to do it.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> My belief is that married people are partners. They should contribute equally. When only one works outside the home for 8-10 hours a day, the other should be working in the home and raising the children 8-10 hours a day.


Exactly so. Which is why the malicious memes directed at foreign wives who are stay at home moms are so stupid. 

They're "just" maids, not equal partners, according to the meme. 

With two-thirds of Americans now overweight or obese, the comment about being "fat", although maybe crudely put, is true. Participants in foreign introduction sites are well aware of this, and (duh) it is the hot ones that are being immigrated, not the obese. They are also aware of the misogynist attitude so pervasive in the U.S. So I don't think this has anything to do with demographics in the FSU so much as common knowledge amongst foreign introduction sites.

I worked there (Magadan, Khavarosk, and Yakutsk) in the 1990's so I am pretty familiar with the people, at least in the former Soviet Far East.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

...as it turns out...there are a lot of people who stereotype foreigners.

...the 'fat, lazy, terrible wife' stereotype is probably the most common perception of American women. It is approximately as true as American stereotypes of women from other cultures.*

...staying closer to the topic here, different cultures do have different expectations for gender roles...and, if both partners can adapt to those expectations, they all tend to work.

--Argyle

*The one common theme I've found is that women from cultures with less freedom tend to more aggressively protect their expected prerogatives.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

argyle said:


> ...as it turns out...there are a lot of people who stereotype foreigners.
> 
> ...the 'fat, lazy, terrible wife' stereotype is probably the most common perception of American women. It is approximately as true as American stereotypes of women from other cultures.*


A number of Asian countries are at 3% obesity. The USA is over 30%. Two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese. I posted an inter-country comparison in another thread but anyone who is objective can just look these facts up. 

But this correct "perception" is established just by _looking at them_. It is a medical fact, not an unfair stereotype. 

This attitude of denial is exactly the problem Americans have. This sense of entitlement/superiority even has a name: "American Exceptionalism". Might as well call it the "master race" delusion. We are taught this from a very early age in our schools and by the actions of our government, which is to claim right and title to ruling the entire world.

Objective facts, like being fat, are dismissed because of this delusion, and blame is placed on the people using their own two eyes for saying so.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

...to be clear, American are measurably fat. The mean BMI exceeds basically every nation except Tonga.

...I think it is less fair to say that American women are terrible wives. But, this is mostly because it is hard to agree on measures that translate well between cultures.

I was trying for diplomacy. If you read that sentence a bit more carefully, it might come across as something a bit more measured than a dismissal. 

However, the threadstarter really came for marriage advice, not a probably inflammatory discussion of cultural differences. So, you're welcome to PM me.

--Argyle


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> ...to be clear, American are measurably fat. The mean BMI exceeds basically every nation except Tonga.
> 
> ...I think it is less fair to say that American women are terrible wives. But, this is mostly because it is hard to agree on measures that translate well between cultures.
> 
> ...


I agree I don't think American women are bad,BTW I set up an appointment with one of my colleagues next Friday to interview my wife for the assistant position.If all goes well we should be able to see each other much more during the day.My wife also wants a child within the next 2 years, so this should be an eventful couple of years.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

Good luck. (Crossed fingers.) Before the children come, consider a duenna. And, when the baby comes, consider nannies. My MIL was a gigantic help when the children came.

--Argyle


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Exactly so. Which is why the malicious memes directed at foreign wives who are stay at home moms are so stupid.
> 
> They're "just" maids, not equal partners, according to the meme.
> 
> ...


Don't forget that 2/3's of American men are overweight as well. So I guess it's often some fat American man going off to find a woman from another culture.

I am sure that foreign introduction sites are more than glad to exaggerate and even fabricate everything wrong with American woman. After all they make money by getting American men to hook up with the women. Follow the money.. They will say anything to keep the money coming in.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> A number of Asian countries are at 3% obesity. The USA is over 30%. Two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese. I posted an inter-country comparison in another thread but anyone who is objective can just look these facts up.
> 
> But this correct "perception" is established just by _looking at them_. It is a medical fact, not an unfair stereotype.
> 
> ...


Ah, so I'll learn your lesson and from here on out refer to all American men as fat. That's what you are saying right? There should be no problem with that.

My objection of making blanket statements that American women do know how to please their husbands is not because of your delusion that I or anyone else is suffering form "American Exceptionalism" or something stupid like that. My objection is that it's patently untrue that all American women do not know how to please their husbands. It's also untrue that all American woman are fat.

I have never seen anyone fight as hard as you are to defend the right to paint all people (women in this case) in a negative light. I guess you just don't like American woman. Just wow.


So according to you no one is supposed to say anything that stereotypes or say something negative about women of other cultures/countries. But hey.. according to you it's quite alright to dis American women as a whole all day long because you know we are sub-par. Some point of view.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You are on the right to be concerned about your wife mothering you. Sexual passion and mothering are not normally bedfellows. As the relationship matures and she becomes a mother, she will probably feel that more acutely. So will you. 

One thing you can do is to show her that you are master of your world and that you have plans for your life and you want her as a passionate lover, loyal friend and co-planner. Turn the tables around and take care of her.

Surprise her with a romantic W/E at a spa, take her out to the new hot restaurant in town. Surprise her by coming home at lunch time with a picnic that you spread out on a blanket on the floor. (Make it a long lunch). 

You get the picture. Passion not mothering. You can't mother a man with a plan. You have the beginnings of a great relationship. Just nip her maternal instinct in the bud by your actions not your words. Don't talk about it, do it. 

Best of luck!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I do see a potential problem down the road.i will be blunt. 

I would discourage the negative comments about American women, along with the displays of jealousy and competition. 

She is young so she is still finding her way in the world so you have an opportunity to influence her in the best direction for your relationship. 

What you see of her now is who she is. The way she treats people who are not useful to her, says a great deal about her character, temperament and principals. She has a long way to go in those department. 

Why should you worry about how she treats others as long as she treats you well? That's the problem. You are safe from her negative judgements now because she sees you as her benefactor. She may not always see you in that light. 

She is young, skinny, attractive and her ethnicity is considered superior to American woman. When she adjusts to US culture, she will realize the drawing power of her beauty. 

How will she handle the appeals to her vanity and sense of superiority by a man skilled in capitalizing on them? 

She needs to acquired the habits of tolerance, kindness, humility and appreciation for her good fortune. You need to help her curb the worse of her character and replace them with the best. 

That means you can't engage in denigrating American women, fault-finding and unkindness. Treat others the way you want to be treated. 

Your wife may be close to perfection in this culture. I am assuming that you are not since you were not able to attract an American woman, horrible as they are. 

How do you want her to treat you in 5 years when your relationship is stressed by kids and work? When she realizes how many options she has.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sanity said:


> Normally I would agree but experience tells me that these marital arraignments typically end with the foreign bride jumping ship once the kids are a bit older, assets are built and citizenship issued. Had this happen to several people I know actually.
> 
> Its not to say that it can't work but you should literally practice "buyer beware" when shopping for a wife overseas.
> 
> Personally I think long term its a risk because once the bride is exposed to enough American culture and our worthless reality shows, it corrupts them and you end up losing everything.


I think the test of her sincerity will come when she realizes that the men she can attract in the US are more socially adept, wealthier and more sexually attractive to her. 

With the breakup of the USSR, many immigrant come to the US and enroll in professional school. I have had many students from the former Soviet Union. 

Women are initially dazzled by the contrast with their country. The initial contrast is between their American men and the men in their country. 

After a while, they contrast the relative qualities of American men. The standards rise exponentially. If they are beautiful, the opportunity to upgrade is almost endless. 

Not all women will jump ship. It depends on their character, loyalty and the degree to which they grow to love their H.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Catherine speaks truth about her beauty drawing power.

while she is crazy in love with you.

Click the bottom link on my signature. Also google the words "how to seduce married women" Print the exact methodologies and explain them to her. EXPLICITLY. When she protests she would never do that tell her you know that but she must be able to recognize such men and shut them down day 1 not day 30.

Bluntly paying attention to a woman is a crazy easy gateway to bedding her, even if she is married. Basically player 101 is: befriend>pay attention>compliment>push boundaries>fvck. There are players out there who will work MONTHS on a woman to bed her. They will be working multiple women at the same time so if one takes a few months to bed its no problem because they are already doing 3 others.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

weightlifter said:


> Catherine speaks truth about her beauty drawing power.
> 
> while she is crazy in love with you.
> 
> ...


I agree mostly except for approaching her directly about men targeting married women. Wouldn't she be insulted if he assumed she is susceptible to this? She sounds proud and the player stuff assumes that women are stupid pawns and easily manipulated. 

I think he should strive to ensure her loyalty to him. Make certain she can talk to him about anything that is going on daily and be transparent with all communication. Avoid Facebook if you can. it has replaced money as the root of all evil. 

He should make sure not to take too much time away from her so that she des not get lonely. I don't know about pushing her into independent pursuits and friends as has been suggested. 

She is dependent on him. Dah. She is 23 yo recent immigrant and new wife. They need to do things together. They should take up interests and friends together. That will bring them closer. Besides he needs to work out his social awkwardness.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I do see a potential problem down the road.i will be blunt.
> 
> I would discourage the negative comments about American women, along with the displays of jealousy and competition.
> 
> ...


I already try to and it seems to lessen her criticism, I am fairly wealthy and not bad looking so I am not worried about someone better coming along. I also go to a therapist that's a specialist in people with Asperger's so I have been improving my social skills.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I think the test of her sincerity will come when she realizes that the men she can attract in the US are more socially adept, wealthier and more sexually attractive to her.
> 
> With the breakup of the USSR, many immigrant come to the US and enroll in professional school. I have had many students from the former Soviet Union.
> 
> ...


I think I need to improve my social skills, I am already wealthy and according to other women not terrible looking.I think I could have found an American girlfriend or wife if I had the time to look but I run a small Quant hedge fund leaving me no time to socialize.You are correct however I need to continue to improve my social competence.I am quite certain she loves me since she seems really attached and wants children with me.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I agree mostly except for approaching her directly about men targeting married women. Wouldn't she be insulted if he assumed she is susceptible to this? She sounds proud and the player stuff assumes that women are stupid pawns and easily manipulated.
> 
> I think he should strive to ensure her loyalty to him. Make certain she can talk to him about anything that is going on daily and be transparent with all communication. Avoid Facebook if you can. it has replaced money as the root of all evil.
> 
> ...


That is why I am getting her a job at my firm so we can spend time together,she is really excited by the idea of working together since she misses me when I'm gone at work for insane hours. I think if I improve my social skills and we spend an adequate amount of time together, that should maximize our chances at a successful marriage.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Given she is a rare female who is math centric. I believe giving her the knowledge directly is important. she is going to attract players in droves if she is a true 9.5. Even if she is only an 8 she is going to attract alot of them. (Not insulting your wife Q but I find most men overstate their wives attractiveness. Love goggles are great and I endorse them but they are love goggles. I HAVE NOT SEEN Qs wife so I can not give an independent judgement. But lets suffice to say that she is WELL above the median)

Now the exact methodology he is direct with her... (maybe this way?)

She NEEDS to recognize a player explicitly. Maybe frame it this is who an AMERICAN player works. Frame it as cultural education.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

Dunno. Women are a pretty heterogeneous bunch. On one hand, it is important to spend romantic time with your wife. On the other hand, she's coming across as a shy, introverted math major. There's a lot of variables, but I guess there's less to worry about than there might be with another woman.

And, on the second hand, Quant has Aspergers. Everyone can improve, but even though I, for example, may someday contribute decently to a club team, I will never play professional basketball. My wife, for example, may someday stop lecturing people diagnosed with stage III cancer on preventative care, but she'll never be particularly sensitive. Either his wife is okay with him as a person, or there's a divorce coming up. My guess is that they'll do fine. Still, prioritizing preventative maintenance in a relationship is usually a good idea. There are a bunch of books on Aspergers in romantic R/S, but they mostly boil down to...they have Aspergers, adapt or get out. For social skills, 'The unwritten rules of social relationships...' (Grandin) is pretty good. There's also a book by David Finch that is useful.

@Ele

Stereotyping and making blanket statements is rude.

However, it is fair to claim that, on average, Americans are fat. (Men somewhat more so than women, but only a bit.)

It is also fair to claim that, on average, from a male perspective, American women tend to have marital R/S expectations that are less favorable to the man and arguably likelier to lead to divorce than those of other cultures. (dislike of beatings, acceptance of divorce, equal partnership, expectation of romantic R/S in marriage, sex not a duty) versus (acceptance of beatings, rejection of divorce, subordinate partnership, child-rearing partnership, sex a duty).

This doesn't mean that American women are universally terrible wives. It doesn't even mean that those expectations are wrong. There's a lot of right choices here. But, it does mean that foreigners will tend to stereotype them as high maintenance. And it does mean that, for American men, dating foreign women is a rational choice. That said, educated foreign women tend to Americanize quickly...

Personally, my opinion (not that I've exactly followed it...sigh) is that it is better to select according to maintenance cost - and that high maintenance women are not candidates for relationships.

--Argyle


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Quant said:


> I'm quite comfortable with the prenup. Anyways to your second question yes she does get jealous she says I'm not bad looking and other women flirt with me and I don't notice it, she doesn't get mad at me but sometimes gives evil looks at women talking to me. No she is not in a hurry for citizenship paperwork but she does want children I said she is only 23 but she says that's old where shes from.


If other women are flirting with you and you're not noticing, what's the problem? Your W has to get over her insecurities with other women, because it doesn't sound like you're giving her any cause for concern here...

I would wait a few years before having children, if I were you, because, IMO, children should only be brought into a strong, stable relationship. You two need to time to get to know one another and adapt to one another's cultures. Also, your W needs to work on her jealousy issues, because they have the potential to test your relationship severely if they go unchecked.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Quant said:


> I think I need to improve my social skills, I am already wealthy and according to other women not terrible looking.I think I could have found an American girlfriend or wife if I had the time to look but I run a small Quant hedge fund leaving me no time to socialize.You are correct however I need to continue to improve my social competence.I am quite certain she loves me since she seems really attached and wants children with me.


You know. It sounds like you found a good match for yourself. It does not matter where or how you found her, only that you did find her.

I think that if she were not a keeper you'd have seen the signs by now. You are doing well. You have a good life. This is all good.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Ah, so I'll learn your lesson and from here on out refer to all American men as fat.


Remove "all" and I have no problem with it whatsoever. Generally they are. The word "all" is not in his wife's statement nor mine. 

Not once have I said that word "all", but you said it repeatedly so obviously it is extremely important for you to make a straw man.




> So according to you no one is supposed to say anything that stereotypes or say something negative about women of other cultures/countries. But hey.. according to you it's quite alright to dis American women as a whole all day long because you know we are sub-par. Some point of view.


Four explicit absolutes in one paragraph. I challenge you to find one in my entire history here regarding American women.

This is what children do. "You ALWAYS, you NEVER, ALWAYS, ALL DAY LONG" etc. 

It doesn't make for mature discussion.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

argyle said:


> acceptance of beatings


Cheap shot that is worth addressing.

It is the reverse. The women in these cultures are treated better by American men than in their own country, they do not drink as excessively, and are harder workers/providers. You were just told that in the present case. 

Being appreciated for that is in stark contrast to the meme here, looking for every opportunity to paint men as oppressing women. You just participated in that with the insinuation we marry foreign wives because we want to beat them.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Given she is a rare female who is math centric. I believe giving her the knowledge directly is important. she is going to attract players in droves if she is a true 9.5. Even if she is only an 8 she is going to attract alot of them. (Not insulting your wife Q but I find most men overstate their wives attractiveness. Love goggles are great and I endorse them but they are love goggles. I HAVE NOT SEEN Qs wife so I can not give an independent judgement. But lets suffice to say that she is WELL above the median)
> 
> Now the exact methodology he is direct with her... (maybe this way?)
> 
> She NEEDS to recognize a player explicitly. Maybe frame it this is who an AMERICAN player works. Frame it as cultural education.


This is a good suggestion every time I am direct with her she reacts far better than when I'm trying to be subtle.:iagree:


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> Dunno. Women are a pretty heterogeneous bunch. On one hand, it is important to spend romantic time with your wife. On the other hand, she's coming across as a shy, introverted math major. There's a lot of variables, but I guess there's less to worry about than there might be with another woman.
> 
> And, on the second hand, Quant has Aspergers. Everyone can improve, but even though I, for example, may someday contribute decently to a club team, I will never play professional basketball. My wife, for example, may someday stop lecturing people diagnosed with stage III cancer on preventative care, but she'll never be particularly sensitive. Either his wife is okay with him as a person, or there's a divorce coming up. My guess is that they'll do fine. Still, prioritizing preventative maintenance in a relationship is usually a good idea. There are a bunch of books on Aspergers in romantic R/S, but they mostly boil down to...they have Aspergers, adapt or get out. For social skills, 'The unwritten rules of social relationships...' (Grandin) is pretty good. There's also a book by David Finch that is useful.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything you said about generalizations being statistically valid, however we really shouldn't generalize because you will inadvertently insult people at least that's what my therapist said.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You know. It sounds like you found a good match for yourself. It does not matter where or how you found her, only that you did find her.
> 
> I think that if she were not a keeper you'd have seen the signs by now. You are doing well. You have a good life. This is all good.


I hope I can continue to improve so that our relationship remains stable. I also should continue to find ways for my wife to spend time with me so she feels secure in the relationship.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

...meh...
You're correct in that one of the bonuses of American men is perceived as a lower incidence of domestic violence and adultery. And in noting that those are considered baseline requirements by many American women.

...and you're correct in noticing that there are an awful lot of people who stereotype according to:
mail-order bride->not marriageable guy
mail-order bride->golddigger
mail-order bride->maid
...
There's some truth to those stereotypes (excepting the first one, mostly**). But no more than the stereotype of American men being fat.

Bearing in mind that I married a foreign woman, (not that it makes a difference in our case*), three predictors indicating that she's less likely to divorce someone are that (a) male adultery is not seen as marriage-ending, (b) female adultery is seen as grounds for murder, and (c) mild physical abuse is not viewed as grounds for divorce.

Her parents currently 'enjoy' a highly dysfunctional marriage. I actually do consider that sort of persistence in the face of adversity a positive, overall, as opposed to 'I just need to be happy in my marriage...sob...I'm moving out.'

My evaluation, overall, is that, in terms of marriage/childrearing, shopping around a lot results in better outcomes. And that picking from a pool of women who really want out of country X is probably a good deal for many men.

--Argyle
*Dunno, not a mail-order bride, original courtship predicated on me being cuter, better educated, wealthier, and less likely to strangle her than men in her country who'd marry her. (seriously her parent's argument...unfortunately based on knowledge that she was insane.)
**The antisocial, but good provider type, is probably significantly more marriageable outside of the USA than inside it. But, I've never seen a real slug with a foreign bride - although I've seen plenty of American women chasing them. Just, different value systems, I guess.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Can you guys please do your nationalist gender wars elsewhere.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

argyle said:


> ...meh...
> You're correct in that one of the bonuses of American men is perceived as a lower incidence of domestic violence and adultery. And in noting that those are considered baseline requirements by many American women.
> 
> ...and you're correct in noticing that there are an awful lot of people who stereotype according to:
> ...


I agree with this anytime you increase your pool of suitors you increase the probability of a match. I also agree that me being antisocial sometimes helps our relationship especially at an office party, my wife watches over like a hawk looking for other women to snag me, my social awkwardness reassures her of her safety in the relationship sometimes.Your wife's reasoning is the same as my mine was.


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

@Quant
...and thanks...good point...sorry about that...

Best wishes. It sounds like you have things well in hand. 

One thing that your wife may possibly be thinking - mine definitely was - is that sexual R/S tend to form whenever men and women spend a lot of time together.

The first consequence is that she wasn't wild about me having female coworkers.

The second, less obvious, consequence is that she isn't wild about having male coworkers.

The third consequence, that we haven't tested, is that she worries that she might be attracted to other men if she spent a bunch of time with them. Is she correct? Dunno.

--Argyle


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Quant said:


> Can you guys please do your nationalist gender wars elsewhere.


You started it with the comment about American women being fat and not knowing how to take care of their husbands. You participated further in the discussion as well. So maybe you should say can WE end the gender war discussion. 


In terms of the "increasing the pool" discussion, what is quite interesting about the critics is that it is OK to use dating sites where people can be thousands of miles apart, so long as they are in the same country. But if you live one mile from each other and it is across the border - then you get all of the snide remarks about not being able to find someone in your own country so you have to "resort" to an inferior foreigner.

The fact is the internet has made it much more irrelevant what country you come from per se and what is far more important is the kind of person you are. Countries do serve as cultural filters that are very important though. My God, there must be hundreds of millions of people on dating sites worldwide. So how do you narrow the field to a manageable set of candidates?

I didn't do this. I met mine in person doing my dirtbike adventure on a road featured recently on "World's Most Dangerous Roads". But I participate in a forum at VisaJourney - Your US Immigration Community and it is a great place to see what people are doing. The vast majority are meeting online. 

Saudi Arabia is Muslim. Ethiopia is Black. Korea is Asian. Etc. It is just as stupid to complain about those characterizations as "stereotypes". There are Christians in Saudi Arabia, Asians in Ethiopia, and Blacks in Korea. Yes of course we can be pedantic about it and demand no (true) generalizations about any country be made.

But the fact is people participating in international dating sites are doing exactly that because these are accurate generalizations. You can find fat feminazis in Asia I imagine. I have never seen one and I've been running around Asia for over a decade. I've never even met a slim Asian who identifies herself as a "feminist". It's more than half of the US women self-identifying as such and many of the remainder carry around some of the same tedious memes. 

The Ukrainian wife in this thread does not self-identify as a feminist, I will wager. He also does not consider her a "maid" nor a "gold digger".

Men are quite proud to be providers for their wives and feel fulfilled when that is appreciated. It is only the malicious onlooker who calls that "gold digging". If she is a stay at home mother - that is what the husband calls her. Not "maid". You see this epithet hurled at foreign wives regularly but not so much for an American stay at home mom.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Remove "all" and I have no problem with it whatsoever. Generally they are. The word "all" is not in his wife's statement nor mine.
> 
> Not once have I said that word "all", but you said it repeatedly so obviously it is extremely important for you to make a straw man.
> 
> ...


"American women are fat" means "ALL American women are fat." 

That's English grammar. 

If you do not mean all American women then you have to explicitly state that. e.g. "Some American women are fat.", "Not all American women are fat.", "Two thirds of American women are fat."

I used the word "all" repeatedly because I was being very explicit that I meant exactly the same thing as your sentence without the world "all". 



Wiserforit said:


> This is what children do. "You ALWAYS, you NEVER, ALWAYS, ALL DAY LONG" etc.
> 
> It doesn't make for mature discussion.


In a mature discussion a person says exactly what they mean and means exactly what they way. Putting the correct qualifiers and adjectives in a sentence so that it means what you are saying is mature discussion.

When people make statements like they following they are taking about all the Amercing women or all the Thai women... not some subset of them. Such statement are not true.

"American women are fat and do not know how to pleas a man."
"Thai women are subservient gold diggers." 

Say what you mean. Mean what you say.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Quant said:


> I hope I can continue to improve so that our relationship remains stable. I also should continue to find ways for my wife to spend time with me so she feels secure in the relationship.


There are two books that I think help any couple in becoming better as spouse and better as a couple. "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". 

My suggestion is that the two of you read them together. We too turns reading chapters to each other. After each chapter we discussed it and did the work the book suggests. It was a very good experience. Did a lot of good.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Quant said:


> I am quite certain she loves me since she seems really attached and wants children with me.


Children = Child Support


You could be one of the lucky ones but if you've done your homework you understand you have taken a gamble. 

I had a gf a long time ago that was super jealous of me, if a girl even looked in my direction you would have a fit. Little did I know she was sleeping with every guy in town and was just projecting on me (assuming I was cheating thus justified her own cheating). By her actions I would never had expected she would cheat on me since she acted like I was the last man on Earth when I was with her. Just don't ever get too trusting, if you see a red flag later on don't ignore it.

There's an old Russian saying: Hope for the best, prepare for the worse.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

I thought I would share that things have improved and I have a new wardrobe.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Thats the pic in your avatar?


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Thats the pic in your avatar?


Yes.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Quant said:


> Yes.


umm Did you photoshop the picture? The background in the right lower portion of the picture is off on perspective and does not match the left side. 

The area between the legs has been altered making the shape of the legs wrong. 

Looks like an end of a wall on the right side of the background. It seems to lose proper perspective near the floor.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> umm Did you photoshop the picture? The background in the right lower portion of the picture is off on perspective and does not match the left side.
> 
> The area between the legs has been altered making the shape of the legs wrong.
> 
> Looks like an end of a wall on the right side of the background. It seems to lose proper perspective near the floor.


No I did not it may have something to do with the size of the pic and formatting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> umm Did you photoshop the picture? The background in the right lower portion of the picture is off on perspective and does not match the left side.
> 
> The area between the legs has been altered making the shape of the legs wrong.
> 
> Looks like an end of a wall on the right side of the background. It seems to lose proper perspective near the floor.


Look at the photo here. What you think you see in the avatar makes sense in the larger photol

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social...self-ones-you-care-about-193.html#post4164330


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Look at the photo here. What you think you see in the avatar makes sense in the larger photol
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social...self-ones-you-care-about-193.html#post4164330


Thanks Ele. 

Quant the suits look wonderful. The checkered shirt is really nice. 

Did you get casual clothes as well? Get some nice fitting jeans and crew neck sweaters in black and other fall colors. Great job!


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