# when a man invites a woman over to his home ..........



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

When a man , lets qualify , he is not a high school boy , but say a man 40 years old , single parent , invites a woman who's a single mum over to his place to have tea and talk , what is he thinking of , really ?

sex ? just talk ?


----------



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Not everyone just wants sex. Maybe he wants to get to know her better. Maybe companionship and to see if there is a match. And then maybe a relationship which may include sex.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Just talk. All the way into her panties. If you don't want that, then, bring the kids. That should block any moves. 

How good looking is he? Are you getting any vibes from him?


----------



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

tripad, is this about you?
In that case I suggest you meet in some public place unless you know this guy very well.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I know that I preeminently want to get to know and to really like a woman, and conversely have her really like me before the thoughts of having a sexual relationship with her ever enters the picture.

I absolutely do not want to experience sex with a miserable person. After all, there are just way too many of those folks around and doing it with them just ain't all that fun!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

brooklynAnn said:


> Just talk. All the way into her panties. If you don't want that, then, bring the kids. That should block any moves.
> 
> How good looking is he? Are you getting any vibes from him?


:wink2:

we are both good lookers . and sporty and fit .

if sex is what he wants , i am sure he can get it easily anytime anywhere , younger and better than me . but the search for a good character good person is another issue .

if sex is what I want , I can dress up and walk into a pub and get pick up easily too . but that pool of man is not my candidate .


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

nirvana said:


> tripad, is this about you?
> In that case I suggest you meet in some public place unless you know this guy very well.


we know each other for years casually , but not well . I would say his character is quiet and stable and good guy good dad kind of look . But you never know .

he offered his place twice . I chose to meet outside . not taking any chances .


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

In most cases "Come up for coffee" means "Come up for sex". Of course it could be a trick to get you to attend an Amway presentation.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> In most cases "Come up for coffee" means "Come up for sex". Of course it could be a trick to get you to attend an Amway presentation.


LOL

I rather he think sex than amway

no he doesnt do amway . not his trade .


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *I know that I preeminently want to get to know and to really like a woman, and conversely have her really like me before the thoughts of having a sexual relationship with her ever enters the picture.
> 
> I absolutely do not want to experience sex with a miserable person. After all, there are just way too many of those folks around and doing it with them just ain't all that fun!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i like to think that he is like arbitrator , asking me to go over to get to know me .

damn , if sex is what he think of , what a pity . I would love to do it with him since he looks good too BUT BUT BUT after i know him and if we have any chance at a relationship . No FWB . Not me .


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It depends on the man. If I invited a woman over I would love dinner and conversation but it would definitely mean I trust her and am opening up.

Sex would more than likely be on the menu if she wanted to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> It depends on the man. If I invited a woman over I would love dinner and conversation but it would definitely mean I trust her and am opening up.
> 
> Sex would more than likely be on the menu if she wanted to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


on first time ?

wow ! U must be smoking hot ?


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Don't get him started.


----------



## Basic"FairyDust"Love (Nov 19, 2014)

tripad said:


> When a man , lets qualify , he is not a high school boy , but say a man 40 years old , single parent , invites a woman who's a single mum over to his place to have tea and talk , what is he thinking of , really ?
> 
> sex ? just talk ?


It doesn't really matter whether he wants to just talk or have sex because you have the power to decline the invitation before or after you get to his place. Don't do what you don't want to but if you think that it could be potentially dangerous then don't go to his place yet until you know him better.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Basic"FairyDust"Love said:


> It doesn't really matter whether he wants to just talk or have sex because you have the power to decline the invitation before or after you get to his place. Don't do what you don't want to but if you think that it could be potentially dangerous then don't go to his place yet until you know him better.


you never know a person till much later , lesson learnt from divorce . And after watching too many CSI , I am not taking chances with date rapes .


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If it's a very first get together you would be foolish to go to his place, but I'm not very trusting. So much depends on what kind of interaction you have had with this guy, if everything's been sexy/flirty then heck yes he expects sex. If it's all been about kids and life in general than maybe his intentions are good, still, I don't think you should put yourself in harms way, if he isn't interested in a public meeting that's a majorly concerning red flag.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Cooper said:


> If it's a very first get together you would be foolish to go to his place, but I'm not very trusting. So much depends on what kind of interaction you have had with this guy, if everything's been sexy/flirty then heck yes he expects sex. If it's all been about kids and life in general than maybe his intentions are good, still, I don't think you should put yourself in harms way, if he isn't interested in a public meeting that's a majorly concerning red flag.


for years , before divorce , it is always about kids and life . after divorce , it is about kids and life and he asked about hobbies .

i am not trusting as well .


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Don't get him started.


Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

tripad said:


> on first time ?
> 
> wow ! U must be smoking hot ?


If I'm inviting her to my house it will be after several dates and we would have probably already had sex.

Not your situation or fellow. He probably just wants a cozy date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Tea (sex), talk (sex), more tea (more sex), more talking (more sex). So, parenthetically he is hopeful for tea and talk meaning...


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Inviting to home is a big step for guys. May need a few weeks to prepare the home for the visit. What it means is that he is opening more of himself to you. This is at least a non sexual intimacy move. I wouldn't rule out sex but I wouldn't guarantee it either. If I wanted the kids to visit I would invite them. If they showed up and I didn't want them, we would remove to McDonalds / park / somewhere. 

I sure hope I'm not in the position to need answers to questions like this.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Opening up . Yes . He did so over text .about his wife's cheating . So did i open up about mine .


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

The answer is that he probably would like to have sex with you. If I were in your place, I would get it out in the open, explaining to him that you might want to do that later but not until you know each other better. Assuming he is of good character, that should be enough for him not to go overboard.


----------



## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> In most cases "Come up for coffee" means "Come up for sex". Of course it could be a trick to get you to attend an Amway presentation.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

tripad said:


> you never know a person till much later , lesson learnt from divorce . And after watching too many CSI , I am not taking chances with date rapes .



Well if you still think about CSI episodes when a guy invites you to his place it is too soon. 

I'm with @ConanHub though, if you have had a few dates and really like each other the logical next step is going to one of your houses for dinner and whatever might happen next.


----------



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

tripad, what do YOU want? A relationship or mindless sex?


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

No mindless sex for me .

I have too much on my plate already 

Looking for a real relationship n a good one


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > you never know a person till much later , lesson learnt from divorce . And after watching too many CSI , I am not taking chances with date rapes .
> ...



Sure if we get there it will happen . Grin .

Cant wait 

But nothing happening 

Both busy with kids and new business projects


----------



## lilbitoluv (Aug 14, 2015)

Although not every man is a creep, many are. For a man to invite a woman he barely knows to his home, it's kind of a red flag. There is absolutely no reason why any man should consider this. Instead of him being focused on getting to know her, he is trying to make the atmosphere more comfortable for himself rather than the woman he is trying to know. Men should be very aware of their behavior and what is appropriate and considered safe for women. We have to be concerned about our own safety more than men may realize. Although it may seem like an obvious easy choice to invite her over, women respect and appreciate a man who is aware of and has certain boundaries.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I dont know if that's a red flag or not .

We know each other casually for 4 years now . 

He's been in my house 3 times in 4 years for kids birthday .

I've never been to his as he doesn't throw kids party .

I suppose if i rejected his "house visit" twice and he's not keen to "date" outside , then it doesnt take a rocket scientist to know what he wants from me !!!!

If he's going to date n understand each other better before we venture to the bed , then we will be on common page .


----------



## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

This is an open ended question. Did he invite you up for coffee on Sunday at 10 or a late dinner on Saturday night? Was there a purpose associated with the visit, such as dinner or was it left open to interpretation? If this was left open to interpretation, then you need this defined before attending. If you actually have concerns for you safety, then don't go. Women should not go to his home, until she has a good evaluation of his character (church, job, friends, family, etc). There is no answer to your question as it depends on the character of a man that we have never met. However, it is taking the relationship up a notch, you get to find out a little more about him. What is the condition of his house, yard, cleanliness that will show if you can train him to be a mate. Also if food is involved is it a heat-em-up or can he cook and clean. Certainly he wants alone time with you and I assume some contact, but it doesn't have to be sex. I would highly recommend being upfront and just tell him how you feel on the subject. Please be blunt as he is a man and does not always get women's hidden clues in a conversation, leave nothing open to interpretation. Many relationships get off track when we are not good communicators. If you give him the benefit of the doubt, he is probably just a guy wanting to have alone time with a pretty girl.


----------



## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

If his kids are going to be around, I doubt he will be in a position to bend you over the kitchen table.

Unless there's some reason to think sex would be on the table (figuratively speaking), such as you've been on a date or two, etc., there's no reason to think it would be anything other than tea and talk.

Besides, no means no, right? And you're a grown woman, so you can always say "no".


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Actually kids not around but domestic helper is around so he cant do anything i wont agree to


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Dont think i m in danger . All i need is to scream n we are in a good neighbourhood . Just don't want to give wrong idea . N just to be careful .


----------



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

tripad said:


> No mindless sex for me .
> 
> I have too much on my plate already
> 
> Looking for a real relationship n a good one


If you were asked to choose, what would be acceptable for you? Dinner and talk on first date and then maybe sex on second? Or no sex at all?


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Constable Odo said:


> If his kids are going to be around, I doubt he will be in a position to bend you over the kitchen table.
> 
> Unless there's some reason to think sex would be on the table (figuratively speaking), such as you've been on a date or two, etc., there's no reason to think it would be anything other than tea and talk.
> 
> Besides, no means no, right? And you're a grown woman, so you can always say "no".


bend over the kitchen table ?

face up or down ?


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

nirvana said:


> If you were asked to choose, what would be acceptable for you? Dinner and talk on first date and then maybe sex on second? Or no sex at all?


if I am to choose , with my sensible mind still screwed on ,

first few dates , just talk and dinner and activities ( not bedroom activities ) together to see compatibility . 

sex on second too fast unless my screw came off and I or he feel "hot" that night .00


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

tripad said:


> bend over the kitchen table ?
> 
> face up or down ?


*If she's really that good looking and just as horny as you are, and at the same time is anticipatingly receptive to it ~ who really cares?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

brooklynAnn said:


> Just talk. All the way into her panties. If you don't want that, then, bring the kids. That should block any moves.
> 
> How good looking is he? Are you getting any vibes from him?


yup got the vibes . 

he is always complimenting me . and stealing glances at my ............ butt ..............and legs ................:grin2: ................ saying I am looking ......... eh eh eh ( pausing ) ( tongue tied ? ) .......... very fit and healthy ............and I wondered if he meant sexy 

been working out and running and doing my squats >

is that considered vibes ??????????????? 

boys , man , any comments ?


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *If she's really that good looking and just as horny as you are, and at the same time is anticipatingly receptive to it ~ who really cares?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



LOL LOL

I am not horny . just very deprived and very horny when i get the right man . He is not going to rest too much . ( Laughing ) 

can do both face up face down :grin2::grin2:>>


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

tripad said:


> LOL LOL
> 
> I am not horny . just very deprived and very horny when i get the right man . He is not going to rest too much . ( Laughing )
> 
> can do both face up face down :grin2::grin2:>>


*Trust me, Tri! We all have a marked tendency to get horny with the "right" people!  Ces pas? *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Yup.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Heavens no! He's not interested in sex! Where would you ever have gotten such an idea? He's only being polite and hospitable. He invited you over because he finds you fascinating and he can't wait to spend hours engaged in stimulating conversation. Pleasures of the flesh never cross his mind, I'm sure. Now, why don't you just relax and have another glass of wine?


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

OP. it sounds to me like you are already deciding it might be a good idea. If so, go for it. If not don't. That is the real gift at this point in your life- you now have the sole ability to decide. If you want to? Do it.it. if you don't ? Don't
You get to decide!


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Why not just come out & ask him.. Boy if I was dating I'd probably scare the guy off.. Have a deep meaningful talk about sex! See if he has similar views.. if he is one to take things slower...taking the time to get to know a woman emotionally, a bit about her dreams, goals, what she's all about.. to see if something has the potential of lasting.. or he's a "jump in the sack" 1st, 2nd date type..and is seeking a woman who thinks like he does..casual, no strings. 

Personally I'd want to weed those ones out...so just dive in & have the conversation.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

The first time I ever stayed at my husbands home overnight, we'd only been dating 2 maybe 3 months?? He didn't want to presume anything, or make me feel uncomfortable, so he had made up the spare room for me - just in case I preferred to sleep in there. What a sweetheart he is 

He was very happy when I wanted to sleep with him though, hehehe  

Not all men are just out for sex OP. If you've been on a few dates with him you should know by now whether he's after a real relationship or a quick shag.


----------



## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Tripad, lol, maybe he just wants to show you his house. I've invited many to my place, without the intention of sex, sometimes its just coffee.

Yet, I'm going to be honest here. Every time I invited a woman over to watch a movie, we never made it through the movie. That was in my 20s.

So for me, now 33, "coffee" means, "look around, I'm normal responsible..." And "movie" means, "baw chica wow!"


----------



## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

I never have sex the first time a woman comes to my house so it's not always the case.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

gouge_away said:


> Yet, I'm going to be honest here. Every time I invited a woman over to watch a movie, we never made it through the movie. That was in my 20s.
> 
> So for me, now 33, "coffee" means, "look around, I'm normal responsible..." And "movie" means, "baw chica wow!"


Truer words have never been spoken. This is what I encountered in my dating days, too.

Tri, if you go, have fun!!!!!:smile2:


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Lol

I am all ready !!!!!

Waiting ............


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Oh man

Why isnt he asking now ? 

Ok i will do the movie  

Or the kitchen top like arbitrator suggested .>


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Personal said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > Oh man
> ...


Hey no

I was kidding here as in yes i mean i m over my ex n ready to move on n have a relationship which includes sex 

but no i dont ask to have sex just for sex


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you divorced?


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Separated 2 years ago . Divorced finalised 9 months ago .

Now in court fighting for assets , debts he owe me , support money .


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ok, I thought you were still married, since you'd talked before about the fighting in court.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

tripad said:


> Oh man
> 
> Why isnt he asking now ?
> 
> ...


*In the immortal words of Richard Milhaus Nixon, "let me make this perfectly clear."

If I'm ever going to "kitchen-top" some lady, we're both going to know all too well that the relationship is heading in that direction and that we "both" have feelings for each other and want to finally bring sex into it! This foremostly will be a bilateral and not a unilateral decision!

Until such time that we become sexually involved, I always strive to behave as the consumate Southern gentlemen!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Arb

I sure hope all men think that way .

That sex means both are in a relationship .

Sex is not FWB or FB . I cant do that . Some can . Not judging . Just not me .

I am just worried some may think a divorcee is in need and that they are doing her a service to have sex with her .

So far i met two weirdos already . One i can imagine he's slurping over me in his mind already , touchy touchy drooling , disgusting .

Another , a married man , offering to play tennis with ny sons , when we spoke less than 40 sentences in total . Though we did have tennis games but that was in a club , not much talking . Imagine my disgust when i found out he's in fact married . I was tempted to ask him if his wife knows he offered to play tennis with my sons more than once .


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

So chapter one has been fascinating. I'm looking forward the rest.....


----------



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I am married and not looking but if I was in this situation, here is how I would do it.

Ask the woman out on a few public dates, like to dinner, bowling, walks in the park/downtown etc so that her comfort level in the guy increases and her trust is gained. This process can take some time, so the guys should be patient. Do not touch her. I believe that most women start off by being a little suspicious of the man's intentions because of several past experiences so those fears need to be allayed.
At that point, usually the woman begins to hint/signal to take things to the next level in more private settings and this happens only if she trusts and is comfortable being with the man alone. The man can now invite her home for dinner/movie and I think he will score extra points with her if he asks her to stay since it is late and gives her his bedroom and sleeps outside on the couch or whatever. Ensure that she never feels threatened at any time, be extra cautious of this. Do this over a few dates and if she is interested, she will make it known and the things can progress from that point onwards. 

The main point is to give the woman time to feel comfortable and build trust. If she thinks she is safe with you and you won't take advantage of her (and she likes you), then you have it made.

Of course I cannot describe every scenario and every man and woman are different, but I think such slow building romance is more fun than just meeting on a first date and having sex. I am assuming that the goal is love and a real relationship, not just sex.


----------



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

tripad said:


> Arb
> 
> I sure hope all men think that way .
> 
> ...


Offering to play tennis with your sons does not mean that he wants to have sex with you or even date you. Maybe he was just trying to be friendly with no strings attached?


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

No sure answer.
Greater than 50% chance he wants sex tho. His planning may be longer term however.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

It depends on the guy and for how long you've been dating each other OUTSIDE. 
If you've been out a few times together, then this invitation wouldn't be just talks. 

If it's the only and first official invitation that he's ever done to you, I want to think that it's just for tea/coffee/drinks. If he takes further steps, I'd be disappointed. 

Let us know how it goes if you decided to go over to his place.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> It depends on the guy and for how long you've been dating each other OUTSIDE.
> If you've been out a few times together, then this invitation wouldn't be just talks.
> 
> If it's the only and first official invitation that he's ever done to you, I want to think that it's just for tea/coffee/drinks. If he takes further steps, I'd be disappointed.
> ...



Not actually dated .

Just casual friends over past four years . First knew him n kids after his divorce . Recent years my divorce n he was encouraging . 

Both single parents working their ass off on respective businesses . Communication is thusfar only texts on how i am doing especially during divorce or how you are doing . 

I will be disappointed if he turns out to a sex craze dude .

Will definitely update you guys when i go over n let you all know if get "kitchen top" like arbitrator says or i get it on nice bed with new satin sheets . After many.more dates .

> > >


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

tripad said:


> Not actually dated .
> 
> Just casual friends over past four years . First knew him n kids after his divorce . Recent years my divorce n he was encouraging .
> 
> ...


How do you define "sex crazed"? I realize you aren't in an official relationship with the guy or anything, but I don't think it's crazy after 4 years of knowing someone to be having a sexual attraction to them.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

tripad said:


> Arb
> 
> I sure hope all men think that way .
> 
> ...


Wait, when did we meet? :scratchhead:

>


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > Arb
> ...


Did you just slurp ? 

That slurping weirdo was from my son's school . I was offering him a lift back since we are in same neighbourhood . He "scrubed" my arms up n down n looked into my eyes and said somethings . N he's always staring one part of my body or another . Definitely makes me feel violated .


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > Not actually dated .
> ...



Call me old fashioned 

But i will have sex if i am at least in a long term relationship . Then it's love making .

Not sex for sex's sake . 

Oh , he's old fashioned too .

Yup sexual attraction is important to me . Cant be with a man you dread having sex with .


----------



## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Depends on the man.

Generalizing about a specific man's motives are an absurd waste of time. 

All you could hope for is pure speculation and that is largely useless to you. 

If he shows up at the door nekid holding a whip, you can draw a few rather accurate conclusions but you still wont know for sure.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

tripad said:


> Not actually dated .
> 
> Just casual friends over past four years . First knew him n kids after his divorce . Recent years my divorce n he was encouraging .
> 
> ...



:laugh::laugh::laugh:

That's awesome!

I too agree that having sex way early, diminishes the sexual attraction that may build up while dating a man.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

tripad said:


> Call me old fashioned
> 
> But i will have sex if i am at least in a long term relationship . Then it's love making .
> 
> ...


Not judging at all.

When I met my wife, I wanted the sex AND the long term relationship. Both. At the same time.


----------



## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

There are two types of women in the world: Those you make an honest woman out of and those you don't.

Most men instinctively know the difference when they meet one.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > Call me old fashioned
> ...


That's nice .

Hope he thinks the same .


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Constable Odo said:


> There are two types of women in the world: Those you make an honest woman out of and those you don't.
> 
> Most men instinctively know the difference when they meet one.



My case doesn't take much guessing . I got a good girl face . 

But i m "evil" inside . 

> 

Just kidding 

My ex n his ridiculous family calls me ms righteous ms perfect 
- just because i work hard n they cheat


----------



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I seriously think that you want this guy to [email protected] you upside down!!!


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

nirvana said:


> I seriously think that you want this guy to [email protected] you upside down!!!


You are right man ! 

If only he knows , he will start the dating now . 

Pity , when he asked me over , i was not ready emotionally. Now , he seems to be not asking , even though i mention coffee , for whatever reason . 

Anyway let's see.

When i get there , i will post here with mega fireworks .


----------



## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Pics or it never happened


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Constable 

Pic of me in the act ? = porn 

Constable is your profession ? 

How about pic of " after crime " of me and him on kitchen top with big grin 

Lol


----------

