# Feeling stuck bc I don't want to not be with my kids



## alterations (Jul 9, 2013)

My marriage no longer fulfills me. And my husband, in essence, has been a lousy husband. At this point a divorce would be a relief. However, I am a Mom to two little girls and getting a divorce would mean I would lose them 50% of the time. Being a part-time Mom is something I truly don't think I could handle. I just feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. Not sure what to do.
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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

If divorce is not a possibility. 
Is there any way you can make your Husband a better husband?

Can you please start by explaining why you call him a lousy husband.


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## alterations (Jul 9, 2013)

im_tam said:


> If divorce is not a possibility.
> Is there any way you can make your Husband a better husband?
> 
> Can you please start by explaining why you call him a lousy husband.


He had an affair. He also fell into a dark depression after I suffered a miscarriage and was not there for me for a year and a half. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm a college educated, intelligent woman and I know I deserve better. But a huge part of me believes that even though he sucks, I still am able to be with my girls on a full-time basis.
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## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

Alterations - I can't believe you are taking your marriage vows so lighly and don't have a problem in getting divorce.

Unbelievable, I am astonished to look at your post.


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## alterations (Jul 9, 2013)

zappy said:


> Alterations - I can't believe you are taking your marriage vows so lighly and don't have a problem in getting divorce.
> 
> Unbelievable, I am astonished to look at your post.


Where did I ever say I was taking my vows lightly? I have been enduring this marriage because of my vows.
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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

zappy said:


> Alterations - I can't believe you are taking your marriage vows so lighly and don't have a problem in getting divorce.
> 
> Unbelievable, I am astonished to look at your post.


WTF?

I read her 3 posts....I don't understand your statement.


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## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

You said you had a college degree and you can find somebody better than him.

Also - He is your husband, if he was in Depression you should have taken care of him to bring him out of this rather than complaining about it, Depression is not by choice.

My intent to ask you - why would you even consider Divorce if you think this marriage can be saved if you put in all the efforts.


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## zappy (Jun 7, 2013)

tulsy said:


> WTF?
> 
> I read her 3 posts....I don't understand your statement.


What is the meaning of Tulsy, your alias?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yeah, he had an affair but it's all her fault for not catering to him. I wonder if you'd be so forgiving of the affair was hers and HE was contemplating getting out? Apparently she's the only one required to stand by her vows, how convenient for him.
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## alterations (Jul 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Yeah, he had an affair but it's all her fault for not catering to him. I wonder if you'd be so forgiving of the affair was hers and HE was contemplating getting out? Apparently she's the only one required to stand by her vows, how convenient for him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I won't even justify that judgmental post with a response. But yes, I was there for him during his Depression. If anyone else has any intelligent, productive feedback about my situation, I'd love to hear it. Thank you.
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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

alterations said:


> I won't even justify that judgmental post with a response. But yes, I was there for him during his Depression. If anyone else has any intelligent, productive feedback about my situation, I'd love to hear it. Thank you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



What judgment? I was responding to the other post that chastised you for even considering divorce and accused you of not being there for his depression. I thought the comment was unfair to you. What advice do you want? I divorced my ex because I didn't want my kid growing up in that environment. You have two choices as I see it: accept who he is and learn to live with it or make plans to leave. You could ask him for counseling and see if he's receptive, but that's about it. I'll bow out now.
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## alterations (Jul 9, 2013)

Lifeistooshort, my previous response was in no way directed towards you. I apologize if I was not clear on that. Thank you for your feedback. We did the counseling route. Intensive counseling at that. Didnt help much. Let me ask you, how do did you reconcile becoming a part-time parent? Just honestly think I would collapse on the days/nights they weren't with me.
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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

alterations said:


> Lifeistooshort, my previous response was in no way directed towards you. I apologize if I was not clear on that. Thank you for your feedback. We did the counseling route. Intensive counseling at that. Didnt help much. Let me ask you, how do did you reconcile becoming a part-time parent? Just honestly think I would collapse on the days/nights they weren't with me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh ok, no worries It's not as bad as you think, my kids look forward to seeing their dad and I use the time to do things I like to do. It's good to have your own interests since your kids will get older and have their own lives. Plus, now that my kids are pushing their teens they find my hobbies to be very interesting and they ask about what I did while they were with dad. Even their father is a better father now that he can't dump them on me, and they have benefited greatly from living in a peaceful house with me and visiting a peaceful house with their father.
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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Altercations, I love TAM but it's absolutely full of misogyny. It's disgusting and depressing, but there _is_ so much good here too.

I don't have much advice for you, because I'm in a similar situation. I just can't imagine not having my girls full-time. So for now, I'm staying married. Maybe when they get bigger I'll be able to bear the idea of joint custody, but for now, I just take it day by day. The plus is, I'm really learning how to be on my own, grow as a person, and find my own happiness within. So I don't feel like I'm "wasting" this time either. And besides, I couldn't imagine dating with small children (mine are 5 and 8), so it's not like I'd be out there meeting someone else at this point anyway.


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## alterations (Jul 9, 2013)

Northernlights, wow, we are in the exact same boat. My girls are 6 and 4 and I also can't imagine not having them full-time. I have been taking it day-by-day for over a year, and I also think that maybe when they are older I can bear it a bit more. I also love your positive spin... I have become so much more independent and you are right, that is a big plus!
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