# Should a 13 yr old help take care of 3 mo baby?



## thefunone (Feb 6, 2011)

My husband seems to think so. I was at work and he had the baby. He decided to work on someone's car and leave the baby laying on the couch with the 13 yr old. He went to the store to get a part and she didn't even know he was gone. He said he was watching them on the camera on his phone while he was gone but I called him and he didn't answer his phone. Said he didn't know I called. Either he was lying about watching on the camera or he was lying about not knowing I called. He said he didn't see the problem and didn't think I would have a problem with it either. He said he feels our 13 yr old is competent enough to handle it and call him if she needs help. He said he was outside most of the time and was only gone for 10 mins. More like 30 mins. I no longer leave the baby with him. I have also realized he has enlisted our 13 yr olds help with the baby quite often. I can tell because she will ask me things like "do you want me to get the baby out of the car?", "do you want me to watch the baby?". I know when my husband would go to the store he would leave the baby in the car with her. I don't know what to do. He is very hurt because he said I am questioning his judgment. I told him I have the upmost confidence that he can take care of the baby, I just don't understand why he won't do it himself. Why can't he focus on the baby when he has him? It's not like he is a single parent and is trying to jungle everything on his own. He only had to take of the baby for 8 hours one day a week and I am there the rest of the time. Can someone give me some advice?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I took care of my brother at that age, but that's because my dad had NO idea what he was doing (adopted brother and my dad was 52...long story). He and my mom were divorced already.

But I wouldn't make a habit of it, per se. Once in a while, maybe if the baby is sleeping, to run a quick errand is ok. But to put the 13 year old in that situation, imo, is wrong. It's not her baby. Unless you pay her for her services, which I'm sure your husband isn't, I think it's wrong. 

I have a 13 year old and a 3 year old. I don't use my 13 year old for watching my younger one all the time. When we go out, we pay her 5 bucks (3 year old is sleeping when we leave).

Your husband just seems to be doing what a lot of guys do....sloughin' off the baby on someone else. Like I said, once in a while, it's fine...a quick 20-30 minutes, whatever. But it's not your 13 year old's baby. It's yours and his.


----------



## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

No, not if he is leaving the house

Baby goes with him

She is old enough to mind and shout for help from the next room or driveway but not to have to wait more than seconds for the adult to take over


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

That would not be okay with me. 

I'm aware that many 13 year olds babysit but I wouldn't leave MY 3 month old with one. Nope not happening. I don't care how responsible they are. My oldest is 12 and I leave him in charge of my younger children for quick runs to the grocery store but ALL 3 of my kids are capable of picking up the phone and calling me if there is a problem. A baby can't.


----------



## thefunone (Feb 6, 2011)

Exactly. That's what i told him. I the baby was our responsibility not hers. He is perfectly cable of taking care of him. He has done it before.


----------



## thefunone (Feb 6, 2011)

I completely agree. I would love a guys point of view to see if I can understand what he is thinking.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It depend on the 13 year old and how responsible they are. I was 14 when my sister was born, and did a LOT of baby-duty from day 1 as both my parents worked blue collar jobs and had different shifts.

Your H probably doesn't like watching the baby because he can't do much else besides watch the baby then. He sounds like he likes to do stuff...working on cars, being outside, etc. He needs to learn how to put the baby first instead of his activities.


----------



## thefunone (Feb 6, 2011)

That's what I was thinking too. But he acts insulted if I take the baby to the store with me when he is at home. Of course when I am leaving he is doing several different things. I usually only give him the baby when he is sitting still. We both work full time jobs but I take care of the baby primarily because I make him a priority.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

thefunone said:


> That's what I was thinking too. But he acts insulted if I take the baby to the store with me when he is at home. Of course when I am leaving he is doing several different things. I usually only give him the baby when he is sitting still. We both work full time jobs but I take care of the baby primarily because I make him a priority.


Depends - how responsible is 13 year old? Does 13 year old mind? That said he is not 13 years olds baby. Safety-wise, with training - should be fine. But it's a lot to ask. I have mixed feelings. Our 17 year old helps during a one hour overlap during our differing shifts, but he gets paid and kids are 4 and almost 2.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This would never ever be okay with me either. I would be very furious about this situation. Especially that your husband was not honest to you about the phone. There was no reason to lie.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I guess my rambling - I meant to say - are they capable - quite likely. Is it their responsibility? Nope!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a guy, no. 3 months is too young to be left with a 13 year old. The 3 month old cant communicate at all, obviously, and that just seems too risky to me. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

No, this is not acceptable to me.

Infants who are 3 months old need a lot of care. I could see leaving a toddler with a young teen, but not an infant. I used to babysit preschoolers when I was a teen, but no parent of an infant asked me to watch their babies.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Coffee Amore said:


> No, this is not acceptable to me.
> 
> Infants who are 3 months old need a lot of care. I could see leaving a toddler with a young teen, but not an infant. I used to babysit preschoolers when I was a teen, but no parent of an infant asked me to watch their babies.


See this is a sibling though - not some random teen. I'll tell you - being a mom to a toddler and a grandma to a 3 month old - for a half hour stretch - the baby is hands down easier to look after. The heads are sturdy - they sit where plunked. A toddler is climbing, eating, snooping.... I find a toddler far more apt to get in to trouble than an infant. Provided support is close, for short periods and a yell away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

It doesn't make a different *to me* if it's a sibling. I think the father here abdicated his responsibilities. There are many things that could go wrong at this age with an infant. A 13 year old is simply not equipped to handle those things and I think it's unfair to dump that responsibility on them. And what are they going to do if the dad asks them to watch? They'll feel pressured to agree to something they might be reluctant to do.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Coffee Amore said:


> It doesn't make a different *to me* if it's a sibling. I think the father here abdicated his responsibilities. There are many things that could go wrong at this age with an infant. A 13 year old is simply not equipped to handle those things and I think it's unfair to dump that responsibility on them. And what are they going to do if the dad asks them to watch? They'll feel pressured to agree to something they might be reluctant to do.


That's what I said. Are they capable - probably - but it's dad's responsibility. A toddler is far more work than an infant with far more things to get in trouble with than a baby - for short periods of time. A sibling would feel love for this child as opposed to treating it as a job. That's all I meant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

.He shouldn't have left the baby alone with a 13 year old. She's too young to deal with an emergency, and he had no right to thrust that responsibility on her.


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Err...I was 8 when I started taking care of my sister (she was 5). My mom had to work 3 jobs to keep us a float because of my dad's gambling addiction.

By the time I was 12 and ready to legally babysit, I already knew how to do laundry, dishes and cook!

I believe in self sufficiency, my 11 and 10 year old can cook, do laundry and dishes. Occasionally, if I have to leave for 10 or 15 minutes I can and I pay them to do those small stints of babysitting for the younger three (of course the neighbor is right next door and their uncle is 5 doors down).

As long as the 13 yr old is mature enough and willing - for me - why not.


----------



## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

You're really asking two questions...

1) Is a 13 year old responsible enough to babysit a 3 month old. IMO, it depends. Has the 13 year old gone through training? Red Cross classes? Has she babysat for families? If so, she's old enough.

2) Is it irresponsible for the dad to leave the 3 month old in the house with the 13 year old without explicitly informing her that he is leaving? Absolutely. What if the 13 year old didn't realize he was gone and went outside to play? Compounding the problem was his being unavailable by phone.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I guess it's just a different time. My mother had to care for younger siblings when she was 8. By the time she was a teenager she was responsible for six siblings (including infants and toddlers). Seventy years ago it was the norm; now it's not so black and white. I don't see a problem if it's occasional and the 13 year old is mature and responsible.


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

827Aug said:


> I guess it's just a different time. My mother had to care for younger siblings when she was 8. By the time she was a teenager she was responsible for six siblings (including infants and toddlers). Seventy years ago it was the norm; now it's not so black and white. I don't see a problem if it's occasional and the 13 year old is mature and responsible.


:iagree:

Guess my parents were old fashioned. I was watching baby cousins at 13 as well as ironing a week's worth of clothes every Sunday for my younger brother and I. 

The summer I was 14, I had to watch a 7 year old and a 9 year old all day long. I wasn't paid for any of that because it was simply my duty.

I believe all children should have chores, but not to the point of having no social life. It just makes them think that all they are good for is cleaning up after others and watching children. My mother believed in training me for marriage, so that is why she piled the chores on.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I took a lot of care of my baby sister at that age. It depends on the 13 year old. I know kids that would be absolutely capable of doing it, while others can't, even at 18.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think it's a different time too. I was practically running a babysitting empire by the age of 13. LOL Would I want my kids doing what I did? No. I missed my childhood by taking on too many responsibilities at such a young age. I grew up thinking my worth was tied up in what I did. I didn't have a social life because I was too busy working. Yes kids need chore but there needs to be balance in their lives.


----------



## thefunone (Feb 6, 2011)

Thanks for all the input. To answer the on going question, my husband believes she is mature for her age but I think she asks like a typical thirteen year old. When she was 10 she was mature for her age but I noticed she changed severely. She has moments when she acts like she is clueless. She is very silly. She can follow instructions but may forget parts. To me she is the typical 13 yr old. There is a reason 13 yr olds shouldn't have babies. 
My husband and I are not talking much right now. I hope eventually we can come to some understanding. I am willing to listen to his point of view but I do feel he is just trying to shuck his responsibilities so he can do something he finds more interesting. Watching a baby all day is just not his thing. But hey, that's what grown ups do.


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Haven't read the replies... But here is my take - if the 13 yo is comfortable helping SOME of the time, it is okay. I helped raise my younger brothers and sister and it was kind of fun at times!

However, it is NOT okay for your husband to leave them alone without telling her that he's leaving. THAT is messed up. It would also be messed up if he is having your daughter doing more than a little bit of helping out. She is still a young inexperienced person and handling a baby can be quite stressful! I have a 3 month old as well and I'm 32 and I get overwhelmed!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

I think there are 2 issues here.

1. Dad really dropped the ball by not telling 13yo that he was leaving and she was responsible for the baby during that time. If he's abdicating his responsibility to her when you are not around, then that needs to be dealt with.

2. I definitely don't think 13 is too young to be helping out with a baby for short periods of time. Not as daycare, but if I needed to run to the store? Sure. Unless your 13yo is extremely immature. But normal 13yo. A little responsibility is good for them. 

This is a great opportunity for you to teach her how to take care of the baby. And you can build up her confidence and self-esteem by praising her for being there for her sibling and for the family. If you're worried about emergency situations, then definitely sign her up for the Red Cross course. 

Someone mentioned paying her for babysitting. Personally, I wouldn't feel obligated to do this for short stints of time during day to day life. She watches the baby while you run to the gas station? No pay. But if you felt comfortable leaving the baby with her while you and husband went to dinner, then I would probably pay her for her time. That way, she's not getting taken advantage of. But this could be a win-win for her and for you. If you approach it with that attitude.


----------

