# For BS...does the "I love you" statement bother you the most?



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

What I mean, is for those of you betrayed spouses, if your spouse said I love you to someone else does that bother you the most?

H said it in one email I saw to the OW...he said it didn't mean anything because it was online and he was just going with it..it was easier to type this crap out..he got caught up in the flirting, etc. Of course he claimed that she was the one that started everything...

Everyime, though, I think about it..it kind of tears me up inside. That is the one thing I haven't told those that know about our situation because I am scared of their reaction. Maybe thinking it was more serious than what it was..I don't know.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

On the one hand, saying "I love you" via email to another women is just empty words. How can he possibly REALLY love this OW if his involvement is words only. Anyone can type words into a computer, on an email, and press "send". It doesn't make it so.

However, if this relationship has gone beyond the typed words; to voice and visits, AND email, THEN you might have something to worry about. If this relationship has lasted for YEARS, then you might have something to worry about.

So no. For me, those "words" don't put in a dent in the total betrayal of my spouse. If it was only "words", we would probably still be together.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

You know, if I thought my wife actually loved someone else, it would make the marriage impossible to continue. That's about the most painful thing I can imagine in a marriage. For that reason, I never asked that specific question.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You know, I don't know if he ever said it. If he did, it was to a fake person, not that that would make a difference. At this point, I don't think it would really matter. His brain on cheating was warped, and since it isn't warped now, if he did say it then, it holds no meaning now.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> On the one hand, saying "I love you" via email to another women is just empty words. How can he possibly REALLY love this OW if his involvement is words only. Anyone can type words into a computer, on an email, and press "send". It doesn't make it so.
> 
> However, if this relationship has gone beyond the typed words; to voice and visits, AND email, THEN you might have something to worry about. If this relationship has lasted for YEARS, then you might have something to worry about.
> 
> So no. For me, those "words" don't put in a dent in the total betrayal of my spouse. If it was only "words", we would probably still be together.


No nothing physical happened...she lives across the ocean. They met while he was working overseas...when she noticed he was from Canada..she came at him hard.

They continued to email for the last 7 months or so after he left her country.

H was on antidepressants for a couple of years which he has since been weaned off since winter...these pills have left him void of any romantic feelings/no libido, etc. so while it is hard for me as well it also consoles me that he had no real romantic feeling for her...he was just flattered by her attention, ego boosting, etc. He is a nice person and I think she sensed that and wanted a better life over here so she came at him with everythng she had. Not excusing him and his actions though...

He said he was flattered but due to the numbness from the pills he never had any romantic/sexual desire for her.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I don't know if she said it and I didn't much care at the time.All I knew was that she didn't love me.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

That w: the worst part of my WW EA,she said it to him 15-20 times in text,phone and a Couple times in person,it haunts the sh!t out of me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

To me, it's just words of the moment. The worst part, by far, is knowing how they actually FELT.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Krichali said:


> I'm not sure it bothers me the MOST. It bothers me, for sure. But I'm also bothered by him telling her she was pretty. He doesn't say that to me. (Well, ok, I'm not pretty! But a H ought to say that to his W anyhow, right? And she was no beauty queen herself.) I think I'll have to agree with Gabriel, the words are just part of the overall pain.


Yes, that's another thing..in just about every email I saw H would say to her "Hi beautiful"...he hasn't said that to me for years...so yes that pisses me off too! Sometimes it is hard to get those words out of my mind.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

highwood said:


> Yes, that's another thing..in just about every email I saw H would say to her "Hi beautiful"...he hasn't said that to me for years...so yes that pisses me off too! Sometimes it is hard to get those words out of my mind.


In the texts I saw, he said "your beautiful. if that idiot (her bf) can't see it, he's stupid." and he asked her, after we had agreed to work things out between us "you don't like when I call you sexy?"...of course she did! and said so too! But, I was the same way with my EA, so I am torn there. I feel like throwing up when I think of it, but then I feel the guilt that I did the same thing. He never said "I love you" to her, as far as I know. But he couldn't remember when he last called ME beautiful, or sexy. Ok, need to shut up before I lose it again...


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Remember, a WS will say ALOT of things to keep getting the ego stroking, adoration, and or SEX from their AP. If he truly loved her, I don't think he would have chosen to stay with you. He LOVED the attn, not the AP. 

_-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

sunshinetoday said:


> Remember, a WS will say ALOT of things to keep getting the ego stroking, adoration, and or SEX from their AP. If he truly loved her, I don't think he would have chosen to stay with you. He LOVED the attn, not the AP.
> 
> _-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


Good point. He did say our 12 year marriage was much more important than a 4 year friendship (which the AP tried throwing at him.). And those words were directed at me after I pointed it out...and he still says it.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

If I can get past this kind of stuff (each paragraph is an email from 3 years ago from my H to his AP) you can overcome a simple "I love you":



> You are too good. Please, tell me your needs, your feelings. Better to be open. And lover, you're never a "burden" or whatever to me. Seriously, every minute with you is amazing. I will always seek to understand -- and hopefully the two of us don't have to try too hard to be attuned to each other.
> [her nickname for him] for the rest of my life.
> 
> [AP], Hi! Doing this from my bb... . While the kids fall asleep.
> ...


I have a list as long as my arm of the stuff I know about her that he never found out. He never asked. He called her his soulmate, but she WASN'T his soulmate. He said that he LOVED her, but it was infatuation. He was too busy b*tching about me to be bothered to actually get to know her.

He was able (by keeping it secret) to go through the whole arc of the affair. From crazy "in love" to "warm fuzzies." Right after DD#2, he told me that the one thing he remembered after DD#1 was when I explained to him that their relationship did not exist in the real world. They never had any conflict, because they never spent any significant time together. She never criticized him, and he only validated her.

What WAS real was the emptiness he had that he filled by talking to her. What was also real was how painfully far I had pushed him away until he felt this was his only recourse. That does not mean that I feel responsible for his choice. But I was more than responsible for the vulnerable state of our marriage.

And that is something I think about from time to time. If the BS has stuff that they need to be forgiven for, it makes it easier to forgive the WS for their stupid choice. But then, a cheater who betrays a spouse who did nothing more than fail to be a mindreader has much more serious issues than my husband ever did--all these things he said to his AP notwithstanding.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Saying it not as much as showing it to her through acts and deeds. He sacrificed me for her...his words dont mean much but his actions scream.

-But THAT wasnt TRUE love. You have to actually know that person to love them....He knew what she wanted him to know, nothing more. So keep in mind, those are just words said by a somewhat 'insane'(in the fog) person at the time.

Ask him something as simple as her parents names, siblings names, her biggest fear, her biggest accomplishements....He doesnt know. Ask him what she compliments HIM on- NOW YOURE SPEAKING HIS LANGUAGE.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

The words "I love you" along with the physical action is a tremendous weight for the BS to bear. It makes the physical action more emotional and the statement steals from the BS the last shread of any thing that is sacred between the two.

Just my take.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Yes, it hurts a lot. She ended EVERY single message with "I love you! Muahh!" She called him the love of her life and how God brought them together again. She even sent him a shirt and a rosary. But what hurts are the I love yous. She trickle truthed me by saying she never said that to him, that it was only him who said it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

I've read that and worse, and I don't have half of it.

What bothers me is the sheer volume of communications - texts and phone minutes. More than 12 hours in a month - on the phone, and almost a thousand texts.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Martin12 said:


> I've read that and worse, and I don't have half of it.
> 
> What bothers me is the sheer volume of communications - texts and phone minutes. More than 12 hours in a month - on the phone, and almost a thousand texts.


Yep. I never did read any of their texts, just looked at the phone bills. I had to stop highlighting her many various phone numbers because it was turning every page yellow from top to bottom. What a waste of a good highlighter


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## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Yep. I never did read any of their texts, just looked at the phone bills. I had to stop highlighting her many various phone numbers because it was turning every page yellow from top to bottom. What a waste of a good highlighter


Been there, done that. I just found out about this about two weeks ago. How did it end up with you? 

The problem I am considering is that I feel like the Other is the "soulmate" and I am second best, if that.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Martin12 said:


> Been there, done that. I just found out about this about two weeks ago. How did it end up with you?
> 
> The problem I am considering is that I feel like the Other is the "soulmate" and I am second best, if that.


We are recommitted and reconciling. The soulmate comments were what got to me more than the I love yous. After all, he says I love you to his mom and his kids. He I love you's quite a few people, he has a large, warm, extended family.

I think I mentioned on the previous page, what knocked the "soulmate" stuff down to size for me was learning EVERYTHING about the AP. I quickly figured out he didn't know her birthday, he doesn't know the names or genders or anything frankly about her sibling and cousins (with whom she was raised). Just knowing that I knew more was a bit of a shock to him, helped him realize that he didn't try much to get to know her.

But also as I mentioned this affair lasted quite some time. It had a chance to flame out into something more like friends and less like lovers. That only happened because he hid it from me so well...or rather, I never bothered to try and snoop, out of pure ignorance. I am not a good example, because I would never advise anyone to wait out the affair. I have seen that advice given, on the basis that "most" affairs last 'two years.' Well, his affair lasted a total of 4.5.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

It hurt me a lot, but it also helped me realise what kind of a woman my wife was. My wife said it to her AP... a lot. The very first day I set up my VAR, and she was gushing compliments and saying things like "Do you know how much I love you? Loads, more than you can imagine." etc...

What hurt me the most is that before all this had come out, I'd had the I love you but not in love with you speech. I had also tried so hard with her, and everytime I had told her I loved her, I just got "Thanks." or "I know." She never said it back. It is clear why.

Whenever she was trying to guilt me or was shedding crocodile tears in front of me, I just remembered how I felt when I heard her say those words to him.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yeah,you kinda feel like the back up,tho she swears it isnt true,shows me lots of love and found out what the OM really is like,total loser who moves in with women so he has a place to live other than his sh!ty little trailer.
So I know I'm not the backup plan but it sure feels like it sometimes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

To be honest, its not at the top of my list of gripes, and i dont know why. I never saw any communication between my H and his AP but he did tell me he loved her when it was going on. Now he tells me he NEVER loved her and that it was all just false. Ive kind of bought into this whole affair fog thing, i really do think it exists, and when i ask my H about certain aspects of the A now, he is so embarrassed and so just like "WTF was i thinking" that i do believe he never really loved her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

The "I love you" texts from my STBXW to her OM nailed me to the cross. 

Funny, he never told her he loved her back. 

Stupid woman.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

My wife claims that she never said that to him, but it really doesn't make any difference to me how she describes her feelings for him. I think I might even accept the feelings had I known about them from her.

The absolutely worst part for me is, that I was sooo blind and ignorant, that I never even considered for a second, that cheating could possibly be part of my marriage. I remember thinking that I would run for the prize "happiest man in the country" - do I feel stupid?

The words are just words - or maybe descriptions of feelings - and feelings are just.... feelings


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Stupid woman.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

In my situation I thought what is wrong with his OW in that instead of being with a guy in Singpapore that she could actually go out on a date with, see in person, etc. etc. instead she is clinging to this online relationship with someone from another country? 

To be telling H..I am going to love you forever, sending him some love song lyrics from some boy band, etc. etc. 

Another thing that angered me was I saw an email in which she said Happy 9 month anniversary to him...I guess she sent this to him in March marking 9 months from the day they met in June while he was working over in Singpaore...**** he is married to someone else you ****ing loser and you know that!


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Krichali said:


> I'm not sure it bothers me the MOST. It bothers me, for sure. But I'm also bothered by him telling her she was pretty. He doesn't say that to me. (Well, ok, I'm not pretty! But a H ought to say that to his W anyhow, right? And she was no beauty queen herself.) I think I'll have to agree with Gabriel, the words are just part of the overall pain.


I may be unusual but everything intimate he said to the other woman bothers me. It takes away any specialness I once felt. 

My husband did often tell me I was pretty, but he told that to the OW, to. 

He also had a special way of winking at me that just made me melt, but he did that to her, too, and now I am repulsed by that wink. 

He used to have a way of calling me over for a hug, but I know he likely did that to her, too, and it just irks me.

The bottom line is that there is no place for a dating relationship in a marriage. It takes away the special bond.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> To be honest, its not at the top of my list of gripes, and i dont know why. I never saw any communication between my H and his AP but he did tell me he loved her when it was going on. Now he tells me he NEVER loved her and that it was all just false. Ive kind of bought into this whole affair fog thing, i really do think it exists, and when i ask my H about certain aspects of the A now, he is so embarrassed and so just like "WTF was i thinking" that i do believe he never really loved her.


My husband said he wanted to keep the affair going for as long as possible, two years or 20. He later denied that. 

He saved her clothing, he later denied that.

He said he could never feel sexual toward me, I was like his sister and she was his lover. He later denied it. 

He claims he never said he loved her but, worse, based on the emails I received, he showed her he loved her, when he was complaining about me being intellectual and she was soooooooo much fuuuuuuuuun. 

This serial cheater woman would have spent him into oblivion and if he put his foot down, she would start to run on him. Her husband spoils her and she runs on him repeatedly.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I think part of it is when they are confronted with it..it does sound stupid and lame after the fact. 

I am sure that when I was reading H's and OW's emails out loud to him, I highly doubted they sounded fun, flirtatious and romantic at that point...especially when your wife is reading them back to you.

I do think that online that it is easier to be flirtatious, fun and romantic for alot of people..easier than in person. I know for myself that it would be alot easier to flirt with a guy online than in person.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> My husband said he wanted to keep the affair going for as long as possible, two years or 20. He later denied that.
> 
> He saved her clothing, he later denied that.
> 
> ...


It is funny how they deny afterwards...

Right on the same day as DD#1 H said to me that he wasn't sure what he wanted..meaning me or his OW. NOw he knows what he wants apparently, he said that he didn't mean it at the time.

This past weekend I said to him that I wasn't sure at times what I wanted..because I worry about the damage he has caused to me and our marriage. Funny how that bothers him when I say it yet he had no ****in problem saying it to me back in September....


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

And here's something strange- You asked if the "I love you" bothers you most right? Well in a way, the answer is -yes. But, it bothers me when he says it to me. He says "I love you" to me and Im struggling with that b/c the instant answer in my mind(though I know he does)is "really, then why the hell did you spend a year chasing some other chick at my expense? Thats love to you?" It hits me like that 95% of the time when he says "I love you". I am struggling to say it back to him. In fact, I havent said it. Its not that I dont(God knows I do or I wouldnt put myself thru this)I just struggle with saying it. Because I dont feel the 'same' love for him. So IM struggling to define what I feel. Anyone understand that?


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> And here's something strange- You asked if the "I love you" bothers you most right? Well in a way, the answer is -yes. But, it bothers me when he says it to me. He says "I love you" to me and Im struggling with that b/c the instant answer in my mind(though I know he does)is "really, then why the hell did you spend a year chasing some other chick at my expense? Thats love to you?" It hits me like that 95% of the time when he says "I love you". I am struggling to say it back to him. In fact, I havent said it. Its not that I dont(God knows I do or I wouldnt put myself thru this)I just struggle with saying it. Because I dont feel the 'same' love for him. So IM struggling to define what I feel. Anyone understand that?


I agree. How can you love someone and start dating another woman and spending time and money on her so thoughtlessly?

I don't think it's possible. I feel that on some level my husband must hate me but wants to stay because it's cheaper to keep her. 

I had so many opportunities to cheat. I did not. I knew it would hurt my husband and my marriage and like drugs, I just said "no"

I still love my husband at this point, but also hate him. The love is changed, because of the distrust. 

The fact that I was so blind and telling people what a great guy he was right smack as he was having an affair, makes me distrust myself, too.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I agree. How can you love someone and start dating another woman and spending time and money on her so thoughtlessly?
> 
> I don't think it's possible. I feel that on some level my husband must hate me but wants to stay because it's cheaper to keep her.
> 
> ...


I understand completely. My friends say "your H is awesome, you dont know how lucky you are". I just sit quietly and smile. They have NO idea how much my gut is churning.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> And here's something strange- You asked if the "I love you" bothers you most right? Well in a way, the answer is -yes. But, it bothers me when he says it to me. He says "I love you" to me and Im struggling with that b/c the instant answer in my mind(though I know he does)is "really, then why the hell did you spend a year chasing some other chick at my expense? Thats love to you?" It hits me like that 95% of the time when he says "I love you". I am struggling to say it back to him. In fact, I havent said it. Its not that I dont(God knows I do or I wouldnt put myself thru this)I just struggle with saying it. Because I dont feel the 'same' love for him. So IM struggling to define what I feel. Anyone understand that?


Yeah,I get it.I have said I love her back but she said it to him,now she's saying it to me.Am I taking his place in some twisted fantasy land in her mind or is this the real deal? I wonder sometimes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I agree. How can you love someone and start dating another woman and spending time and money on her so thoughtlessly?
> 
> I don't think it's possible. I feel that on some level my husband must hate me but wants to stay because it's cheaper to keep her.
> 
> ...


I think that at times too...

H gave me a beautiful Valentine's day card..plus on that day he sent me a text saying he loved me (he was working out of town at the time)...and all the while I found out last month he was still in contact with her. NOw I am thinking what did he say to her on Valentine's Day..did he send her an email saying the same thing??? I am sure he did...she thought they were in some kind of relationship together so of course he had to say something on Valentine's day! 

Another thing that bugs me is that when he sent her the no contact email last month..he said something to her about sorry for misleading you into thinking that we had a future together...I said to him..so you were encouraging her too and of course he denied it and said no, it was mainly her doing that. I'm sure.....

****..sometimes I wish I could get my hands on every email that passed between them over the months. 

SOmetimes I get so pissed off I feel like just telling him to **** off! It bothers me that this last 6 months that he was, even though he denies it, telling her that he loved her and missed her.

I said to him you must think I am stupid for not knowing that you would have said those things to her.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> He saved her clothing


That is fvcking weird.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

highwood said:


> I think that at times too...
> 
> H gave me a beautiful Valentine's day card..plus on that day he sent me a text saying he loved me (he was working out of town at the time)...and all the while I found out last month he was still in contact with her. NOw I am thinking what did he say to her on Valentine's Day..did he send her an email saying the same thing??? I am sure he did...she thought they were in some kind of relationship together so of course he had to say something on Valentine's day!
> 
> ...


No, you dont wish you could get your hands on EVERY email. Believe me-I have. It. Sucks. It leaves plausible deniability dead. Some things I read made me want to hurt him. Made me want to return the 'favor' if you will, made me want to leave him. Believe me- Thank Goodness you cant read it ALL. I know that he would text me saying he had to finish some 'work' he just got for a deadline when in fact he was with her. I can see just how much effort he put into her so I can have it in my mind forever when what he gives me doesnt measure up. I know what he was saying to HER on our WEDDING ANNIVERSARY and the list goes on and on...so No, you dont want to know. JMO.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

True I guess...I was just thinking that if I saw every email he would be out on his ass I suspect!!


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

* I'm in your shoes here. I feel like he picked our marriage as the "smart and safe choice"-- and has martyred himself in ending it with her for the sake of his family, and it's the "right" thing to do.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Daggered..I have thought the same thing. Everybody would be hurt and disappointed in him if he left his marriage for some piece of garbage (as I call her).


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Martin12 said:


> Been there, done that. I just found out about this about two weeks ago. How did it end up with you?
> 
> The problem I am considering is that I feel like the Other is the "soulmate" and I am second best, if that.



Feel the exact same way and must admit that I'm jealous that no one is feeling like I'm a "soulmate"-- I often wonder if he ever felt that passionate for me or did he settle? 

One of the most horrible feelings in the world is to actually watch your own spouse "mourn" the loss of their online lover and use you as a crutch to help forget them......for as long as I live I don't think I'll ever get over that feeling of being abandoned and seeing his tears and sense of longing for her, someone he never even saw in person.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> To be honest, its not at the top of my list of gripes, and i dont know why. I never saw any communication between my H and his AP but he did tell me he loved her when it was going on. Now he tells me he NEVER loved her and that it was all just false. Ive kind of bought into this whole affair fog thing, i really do think it exists, and when i ask my H about certain aspects of the A now, he is so embarrassed and so just like "WTF was i thinking" that i do believe he never really loved her.


*I can't wait for that day*** I wonder if I will feel a huge sense of relief. I feel like I'm waiting for him to announce, "sorry, I really made the wrong choice to stay and I'm actually going to chase after her again".. 

What is that feeling all about?


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

highwood said:


> In my situation I thought what is wrong with his OW in that instead of being with a guy in Singpapore that she could actually go out on a date with, see in person, etc. etc. instead she is clinging to this online relationship with someone from another country?
> 
> To be telling H..I am going to love you forever, sending him some love song lyrics from some boy band, etc. etc.
> 
> Another thing that angered me was I saw an email in which she said Happy 9 month anniversary to him...I guess she sent this to him in March marking 9 months from the day they met in June while he was working over in Singpaore...**** he is married to someone else you ****ing loser and you know that!




**You know what pisses me off the most,,,,, the songs because I can tell that they talked about their love of popular artist, and I'll be dammed if he doesn't crank the Adele on certain songs!! No one takes my Adele from me because I liked her since her first album and I refuse to let any of her songs remind me of their stupid online affair!! 

Adele is mine-dang it all:smthumbup:


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Yes, it was the nail that ultimately killed it all for me. The feelings behind the words she said, "I love you and I know I shouldn't, and I am not going to stop"... were more than I could ultimately get over. Because if she loved him, then she didn't love me. She was lying to one of us! Whether it was "infatutuation" or real love or whatever, it doesn't matter. She felt it, she said it, she acknowledged it. Despite her protests of it being fog talk, blah blah blah. She trickle truthed about it, knew it was wrong, knew it would kill me. And it did when I read the text.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

highwood said:


> I think that at times too...
> 
> H gave me a beautiful Valentine's day card..plus on that day he sent me a text saying he loved me (he was working out of town at the time)...and all the while I found out last month he was still in contact with her. NOw I am thinking what did he say to her on Valentine's Day..did he send her an email saying the same thing??? I am sure he did...she thought they were in some kind of relationship together so of course he had to say something on Valentine's day!
> 
> ...




Speaking of NC letters- Mine actually had the nerve to ad a "PSS- this was hard and I don't want it to end" Kisses

Ugh, and generally full of "I do love you with all my heart and you will always have a place in my heart, I wish we could have done all the things we talked about"-- Keep in mind they knew each other via a online game for a month and it turned romantic for two weeks.....and she lived in another country with huge time differences so I don't know "how" much they actually talked about doing but his NC letter was full of poetic beauty the likes I've never seen in him. I've read the thing at least 100 times wishing he would have written to me like that. 

Now that I reflect on that, I feel really sad that he didn't feel that angst and sense of lose towards me.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> If the BS has stuff that they need to be forgiven for, it makes it easier to forgive the WS for their stupid choice. But then, a cheater who betrays a spouse who did nothing more than fail to be a mindreader has much more serious issues than my husband ever did--all these things he said to his AP notwithstanding.


:iagree:


~sammy


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> Speaking of NC letters- Mine actually had the nerve to ad a "PSS- this was hard and I don't want it to end" Kisses
> 
> Ugh, and generally full of "I do love you with all my heart and you will always have a place in my heart, I wish we could have done all the things we talked about"-- Keep in mind they knew each other via a online game for a month and it turned romantic for two weeks.....and she lived in another country with huge time differences so I don't know "how" much they actually talked about doing but his NC letter was full of poetic beauty the likes I've never seen in him. I've read the thing at least 100 times wishing he would have written to me like that.
> 
> Now that I reflect on that, I feel really sad that he didn't feel that angst and sense of lose towards me.


Good GOD! WTF? I read that and nearly threw up.... That is really messed up!


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## Rainey Okay (May 9, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> I understand completely. My friends say "your H is awesome, you dont know how lucky you are". I just sit quietly and smile. They have NO idea how much my gut is churning.


Ugghh! I had someone just recently tell me what a great husband I have. Yeah, he is marvelous. Let me tell you all about him.  
A few weeks before DD I was telling my best friend how lucky and blessed I am and how much I love my life. This is also the friend I confided in after DD. SO very painful. 

Peace


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> No, you dont wish you could get your hands on EVERY email. Believe me-I have. It. Sucks. It leaves plausible deniability dead. Some things I read made me want to hurt him. Made me want to return the 'favor' if you will, made me want to leave him. Believe me- Thank Goodness you cant read it ALL. I know that he would text me saying he had to finish some 'work' he just got for a deadline when in fact he was with her. I can see just how much effort he put into her so I can have it in my mind forever when what he gives me doesnt measure up. I know what he was saying to HER on our WEDDING ANNIVERSARY and the list goes on and on...so No, you dont want to know. JMO.


:iagree:

June is supposed to be my 2 year antiversary from DDay, yet when I finally got a hold of those old messages and saw with my own eyes that it was much worse than I had imagined, it exploded into a huge bump on the road to recovery. So bad, that I almost decided to give up on R right there and then. 

Because if I had seen those messages on or right after DDay, R would not have been on the table at all. I would have kicked her to the curb and headed straight to D. The messages devasted me that badly.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

for those of you claiming I Love You---are just words, being typed, or a way of being flirtatius, behind a computer----you got your heads in the sand

If the person sending the message wants to end the message , and there is nothing going on---it would be ----see ya, be good, nice talking to you, take it easy, will talk at you later, yours, enjoy yourself-----those are ways to end a note/letter/message----NOT I LOVE YOU----I Love You---is reserved for family, spouse, kids, and maybe an extremely good friend of the same sex, who you have shared a long life with----to say it to some strange person, you are sending multiple texts/e-mails/phone calls with ---is way beyond any boundaries

Saying I Love You----shows your mindset---why would you even say it, unless it was MEANT to be said, and for the wayword spouse using those words, and denying the seriousness of using them, is just another lie out of their mouth, and some more total BS, by them.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Exactly jnj
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I don't think I said "I love you" to H for almost a year after I learned that he said it to the OW....


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> **You know what pisses me off the most,,,,, the songs because I can tell that they talked about their love of popular artist, and I'll be dammed if he doesn't crank the Adele on certain songs!! No one takes my Adele from me because I liked her since her first album and I refuse to let any of her songs remind me of their stupid online affair!!
> 
> Adele is mine-dang it all:smthumbup:


I like Adele's voice. But, she seems to sing about barging in and breaking up a marriage in one of her songs.


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