# He said its ok to hit women and flirt with other people?



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

My husband is a very sweet person, he does everything for me, he is not violent and he's great! We have been married for one year and together for three.
But yesterday we were talking and he said he thinks flirting with other woman or a wife flirting with guys is not cheating. I said how come? And he said that it is normal and people like to feel appreciated. So I said why would you ever want to feel appreciated by someone who's not your wife?!?! And he said that he knows that when I dress up I like that the guys check out on me. I actually don't mind if a guy is checking out on me (not in a creepy way), but this is NOT flirting. 

Then we were talking about something else and he said that there's a situation were man can hit woman. I was completely in shock! I asked what situation? And he said if the woman is threading a man's life or if she hits the man first it's ok for the man to push the woman away or slap back. 
I told him that if a woman hits a man first, the man should just leave and not hit back. Real man don't hit back!

I am scared with this statements! Our marriage is great and we don't have issues at all, we get along, we are happy and our life is perfect, but after all what I heard i am starting to regret to have married him. I think I am married to an ******* now and I can't believe all these words came from him.

am I overreacting or what?! What do you all think?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

The flirting part is bs and I hope you used it as an opportunity to set a boundary. At the end of that conversation there should be no confusion as to whether you would accept him flirting with other women and that you consider it as cheating.

There's no excuse for a woman to raise her hands on a man to begin with. Violence is unacceptable whether it was the man who hit first or not.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Nina0 said:


> And he said if the woman is threading a man's life or if she hits the man first it's ok for the man to push the woman away or slap back.
> I told him that if a woman hits a man first, the man should just leave and not hit back.


I totally agree. If the man's life is threatened he can hit her in self defense, or she hits him first he can hit her back in retaliation.



Nina0 said:


> Real man don't hit back!


Oh right, because we've got a penis and a set of balls it gives women carte blanch to smack us around because we have to just sit there and take it.

Be glad you're not my wife because the first time you hit me you'd be seeing stars.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

As far as flirting goes, there is such a thing as harmless flirting. There's also flirting without consciously knowing you're flirting. Think about it, if you and your husband went out to dinner with another couple, when you meet up with the other couple you say your greetings and whatever and your husband compliments the other woman on her dress, technically that's flirting. Any type of compliment between opposite sexes is technically flirting but the majority of people don't see it that way. And yes, another man checking you out from a distance and you taking a second look at him while he's checking you out is flirting. You're acknowledging that you know he's checking you out and you're not telling him or sending any signal for him to stop, but this is all just harmless flirting. Flirting becomes harmful or dangerous once it crosses that line of being directly sexual or it happens in private, like in a text message or a private phone call.\

As far as the hitting of a woman, yes if she's threatening my life in some way and one way to stop her is to hit her, then yes she's getting knocked out. But that's about it, if another woman hit me first I would take a step away from the situation. If she looked or acted as she was going to take another shot then she'd be restrained but I wouldn't hit her back.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Was your partner not equally appalled that you were alluding to the belief that it's ok for a woman to hit a man? Is that your stance OP? If it is, then your partner should be just as scared.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Flirting...yeah...no! I don't compliment OW. Just feel odd doing that. I have an eye for my W.


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

Life threatening - Yes, i would hit her and not hold back.

I would not hit a women who just kind of hits me for no apparent reason in a normal everyday situation. 

Ive been hit twice by a women in my life. First i was a teenager and a girl jumped on my back and started hitting me. I tossed her off and walked away. I tossed her off the same way i would have if it were a man. The second was an XGF in college who smacked me across the face in an argument. I smiled at her and asked her to leave. One of those instances required a physical response and the other didnt. It all depends on the situation.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Was your partner not equally appalled that you were alluding to the belief that it's ok for a woman to hit a man? Is that your stance OP? If it is, then your partner should be just as scared.


Oh no! I think there's no way a woman can hit man! I am totally against that and I never hit anyone and I even don't talk loud to my partner or anyone. But I do think men hitting women is worst because men are stronger than women so it makes it worse.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Nina0 said:


> But I do think men hitting women is worst because men are stronger than women so it makes it worse.


If the woman hits the man knowing he's bigger and stronger than her, she deserves exactly what she gets.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

AtMyEnd said:


> And yes, another man checking you out from a distance and you taking a second look at him while he's checking you out is flirting. You're acknowledging that you know he's checking you out and you're not telling him or sending any signal for him to stop, but this is all just harmless flirting.


True. I think this is a bit of a double standard from you OP. I'm sure that guys can sense that you're enjoying them checking you out. There may not be verbal interaction but there's certainly nonverbal communication going on. 

I don't appreciate and do not entertain this type of engagement from other men because I think it's disrespectful to my partner. I know I would not be happy at all if I observed my partner entertaining this kind of attention from women when he's dressed up.


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> Oh no! I think there's no way a woman can hit man! I am totally against that and I never hit anyone and I even don't talk loud to my partner or anyone. But I do think men hitting women is worst because men are stronger than women so it makes it worse.


But women are equal!


: popcorn:


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

I can see his point about everybody liking the ego boost that comes from somebody flirting with them but as others have said, this is very poor boundaries. a little innocent flirting seems harmless up until there are issues in your marriage and then that flirting turns into opportunity.

Now as far as the other thing goes, domestic violence is domestic violence whether it is being perpetrated against the husband or the wife, neither one of them has the right to assault the other. Some women have this belief that because men are men and there is this socially accepted rule that men don't hit women that it means men are open game for women to use as a punching bag at their discretion and there will be no recourse for this. *This is wrong.*

I will never advocate violence, ever. but i do believe every human has the right to protect themselves. If I'm not willing to take a punch in the mouth than I had better make sure that I don't do any punching myself. I willingly accept the fact that once I engage in an act of violence and I have escalated the confrontation to that level of my own accord, I do so knowing that I too am now open to the same engagement that I am endorsing by doing it myself.

Practically speaking, I know that if my wife assaulted me it would take a great deal of effort on her part to hurt me and she would likely have to be at it for a bit and maybe get in a few lucky shots, so for this reason I would probably have the opportunity to subdue her without harming her but ethically speaking if you don't want to get punched you better not be throwing any yourself.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Grapes said:


> But women are equal!
> 
> 
> : popcorn:


Until they're disadvantaged in some way.

Here's your equality *****!

SMACK

{Moderator note: Please read the forum rules.... in particular #8 8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. ~ EleGirl

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/350914-posting-guidelines-forum-rules-2016-a.html }


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> Oh no! I think there's no way a woman can hit man! I am totally against that and I never hit anyone and I even don't talk loud to my partner or anyone. But I do think men hitting women is worst because men are stronger than women so it makes it worse.


Screw that. You do not hit if you do not want to be hit in return. 

As a woman you are well aware that the man is stronger. In the same way you are well aware that if a woman is bigger than you she's more likely to whoop your butt. Are you going to act all surprised when this bigger woman hits you back and does so harder than you did?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Grapes said:


> But women are equal!
> 
> 
> : popcorn:


THANK YOU! Total BS


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

stixx said:


> Until they're disadvantaged in some way.
> 
> Here's your equality *****!
> 
> SMACK


wasn't implying or advocating violence at all.

Was just poking the feminist beast. thinking that was a bad idea now


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Grapes said:


> wasn't implying or advocating violence at all.
> 
> Was just poking the feminist beast. thinking that was a bad idea now


It's coming... Someone had popcorn?

@Nina0, what is your response to your appreciation of attention from men being considered flirting? How does it not fall into the same category as flirting when you're engaging (sexual) attention from men other than your husband?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't hit woman, I restrain them! I dated some pretty violent women.

Still, I'm probably just as bad as the other guy. Maybe worse, because I don't leave evidence like bruise marks


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Keke24 said:


> The flirting part is bs and I hope you used it as an opportunity to set a boundary. At the end of that conversation there should be no confusion as to whether you would accept him flirting with other women and that you consider it as cheating.
> 
> There's no excuse for a woman to raise her hands on a man to begin with. Violence is unacceptable whether it was the man who hit first or not.





Keke24 said:


> Was your partner not equally appalled that you were alluding to the belief that it's ok for a woman to hit a man? Is that your stance OP? If it is, then your partner should be just as scared.


My thoughts exactly, on both points.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> It's coming... Someone had popcorn?
> 
> @Nina0, what is your response to your appreciation of attention from men being considered flirting? How does it not fall into the same category as flirting when you're engaging (sexual) attention from men other than your husband?


If a man looks at me, it's not my fault... It's not flirting. Flirting for me is talking and make little jokes and being interested (all in a flirting way) Complimenting a woman in a non sexual way is only being nice, not flirting.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Nina0 said:


> My husband is a very sweet person, he does everything for me, he is not violent and he's great! We have been married for one year and together for three.
> But yesterday we were talking and he said he thinks flirting with other woman or a wife flirting with guys is not cheating. I said how come? And he said that it is normal and people like to feel appreciated. So I said why would you ever want to feel appreciated by someone who's not your wife?!?! And he said that he knows that when I dress up I like that the guys check out on me. I actually don't mind if a guy is checking out on me (not in a creepy way), but this is NOT flirting.
> 
> Then we were talking about something else and he said that there's a situation were man can hit woman. I was completely in shock! I asked what situation? And he said if the woman is threading a man's life or if she hits the man first it's ok for the man to push the woman away or slap back.
> ...


*In his eyes eyes, it may well be OK, but in mine, it is placing oneself squarely on the road to "Relationship Armeggedon!"*


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We don't feel that flirting is a problem, as long as there are limits to it, and it's not intended to seduce someone, or allow yourself to be seduced. I also feel that violence is to be avoided whenever possible, but is sometimes acceptable for self-defense or to defend someone else from an aggressor. If a woman hits me, I will try to stop it, and if she persists, I will defend myself with appropriate force.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> True. I think this is a bit of a double standard from you OP. I'm sure that guys can sense that you're enjoying them checking you out. There may not be verbal interaction but there's certainly nonverbal communication going on.
> 
> I don't appreciate and do not entertain this type of engagement from other men because I think it's disrespectful to my partner. I know I would not be happy at all if I observed my partner entertaining this kind of attention from women when he's dressed up.


To each there own. My wife as told me in the past that's she's noticed other women checking me out when we've been out and she's told me that it's actually kind of a turn on. But when it really comes down to it any type of flattery, whether it's verbal, visual or whatever else, technically it's all still flirting and not really a problem. It's when that line is crossed to privately flirting that it can become a problem.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I'm surprised your H made those comment to. I think flirting is off limits to those in a marriage or even in a serious relationship. As for hitting back ...ahh... no. You might want to get some clarification from him about the flirting thing. He might have brought it up because he's already doing it.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> If a man looks at me, it's not my fault... It's not flirting. Flirting for me is talking and make little jokes and being interested (all in a flirting way) Complimenting a woman in a non sexual way is only being nice, not flirting.





AtMyEnd said:


> To each there own. My wife as told me in the past that's she's noticed other women checking me out when we've been out and she's told me that it's actually kind of a turn on. But when it really comes down to it any type of flattery, whether it's verbal, visual or whatever else, technically it's all still flirting and not really a problem. It's when that line is crossed to privately flirting that it can become a problem.


I agree that observing one's partner being checked out can be a turn on. However if you were clearly enjoying this attention and engaging it, I don't think your wife would be happy with that at all. 

"So I said why would you ever want to feel appreciated by someone who's not your wife?!?! And he said that he knows that when I dress up I like that the guys check out on me. I actually don't mind if a guy is checking out on me (not in a creepy way), but this is NOT flirting."

The OP's husband's response suggests that he's observed that his wife enjoys this attention and he is not 100% ok with it. He's not making it an issue because he wants to use it to justify what he is doing. That is certainly not OK. However I think if the OP wants to impress upon her husband that what he is doing is not OK, she too should reconsider the way she engages with men who compliment her.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> I agree that observing one's partner being checked out can be a turn on. However if you were clearly enjoying this attention and engaging it, I don't think your wife would be happy with that at all.
> 
> "So I said why would you ever want to feel appreciated by someone who's not your wife?!?! And he said that he knows that when I dress up I like that the guys check out on me. I actually don't mind if a guy is checking out on me (not in a creepy way), but this is NOT flirting."
> 
> The OP's husband's response suggests that he's observed that his wife enjoys this attention and he is not 100% ok with it. He's not making it an issue because he wants to use it to justify what he is doing. That is certainly not OK. However I think if the OP wants to impress upon her husband that what he is doing is not OK, she too should reconsider the way she engages with men who compliment her.


Keke24 please stop assuming. I don't interact with other man and have no interest on that. My husband said that because I went to the mall by myself last week all dressed up but it's because I love dressing up for myself, not for any man. Idk how my husband thought it was flirting, this is bs.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> Keke24 please stop assuming. I don't interact with other man and have no interest on that. My husband said that because I went to the mall by myself last week all dressed up but it's because I love dressing up for myself, not for any man. Idk how my husband thought it was flirting, this is bs.


Ok.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> Then we were talking about something else and he said that there's a situation were man can hit woman. I was completely in shock! I asked what situation? And he said if the woman is threading a man's life or if she hits the man first it's ok for the man to push the woman away or slap back.
> I told him that if a woman hits a man first, the man should just leave and not hit back. Real man don't hit back!


Everyone has the right to self-defense. Sure, anyone, man or woman, should walk away from a situation that gets violent if they can. But somethings a person cannot walk away.
Here is one example that I know happened in real life.
A woman jumped on her husband’s back, and had her arms around his head. Then she started trying to gouge his eyes out. He peeled her off his back and pushed her backwards off him. She landed on her tail bone and broke it. He was 100% in the right doing this. He was exercising his legal self-defense. There were quite a few witnesses that confirmed this is what happened. At first, she said that she was the victim. He did have scratches all over his face and especially around his eyes. In the end, it was determined that she was the attacker and what he did was legal self-defense.

Here is another one… I was on a video talk with a guy who was calling because he was having a lot of problems with his wife. He was saying that she was physically attacking him and he wanted to know what to do. I was telling him to just walk out and drive to some friend or family’s home. Get away. Well while we were talking, she walked up behind him, started screaming and just started beating the living daylights out of him. She literally knocked him out of the chair, on to the floor with one big punch to the head. Then the picked up his lap top and tore the screen off the base…. Broke it in half. Now to get away from her, he hit her. That’s called self-defense. I called 911 and sent them to their house. She tried to say that he had attacked her. But I had it on video. She’s now in trouble.

Why do you think that these men have no right to defend themselves?




Nina0 said:


> am I overreacting or what?! What do you all think?


Yes you are over reacting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> I told him that if a woman hits a man first, the man should just leave and not hit back. Real man don't hit back!


Real women do not hit men either.

There is no excuse for violence from either a man or a woman except in self defense.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Nina0 said:


> Keke24 please stop assuming. I don't interact with other man and have no interest on that. My husband said that because I went to the mall by myself last week all dressed up but it's because I love dressing up for myself, not for any man. Idk how my husband thought it was flirting, this is bs.


OK, I have to say something to this and please don't take this as a personal attack, it most certainly isn't meant to be.

This response is quite frankly laughable. You say that you go to the mall dressed up for yourself, no you don't, you go dressed up because you want to be attractive and you want others to find you attractive. There is nothing wrong with that, its natural.

To many times I see women that use the excuses that I wear this and that because its comfortable not because it makes my butt look great, horse pucky. Women wear yoga pants because it gets attention and they like it. Women wear tops that show a lot of cleavage to get noticed and society's view on this, "if you've got it flaunt it."

If you were dressing up for you than you would be dressing up to stay home and putter around the house but lets face it nobody does that. People could be in the house all afternoon on a Saturday wearing their ratty sweatshirt and baggy pants without a second thought. Then as soon as they decide they are going out and will be seen by other people they put in the effort to look good. That's because they want other people to find them attractive.

There is nothing wrong with it but don't try to delude everybody and say that your not doing it for anybody but you. Yes your doing it for the ego stroke you get when people check you out, Its human nature. It helps us with our confidence and it helps us with our ego. There is no reason to hide your motives for wanting to look good. If you truly didn't care what you looked like to others you would be leaving the house dressed in the same clothes you did your spring cleaning in and your hair still tied up on end.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Nina0 said:


> Then we were talking about something else and he said that there's a situation were man can hit woman. I was completely in shock! I asked what situation? And he said if the woman is threading a man's life or if she hits the man first it's ok for the man to push the woman away or slap back.
> I told him that if a woman hits a man first, the man should just leave and not hit back. Real man don't hit back!
> (


The flirting comments are very concerning. I would want to know his definition of flirting. Talking in a friendly way? Or saying suggestive things to see if she takes the bait, or responding to suggestive comments when someone directs them at him? If some guy notices you look hot, that's flattering, but unless you're dressed like a ****, you're not flirting until you encourage his suggestive banter, or lean over and shove your ass/cleavage in his face...

As for hitting a woman. My H would say this is never acceptable, but I've got to side with your H here. I would say it is not okay for a man to overpower a woman - like punch her or throw her down. But if I woman is physically attacking a man, it's not always so simple as to just walk out of the room. He has the right to defend himself and this might involve shoving her aside, restraining her, defensively slapping at her.

I think we live in very complicated times when it comes to gender roles. On one hand many people want to pretend that men and women are exactly the same aside from sex organs, but on the other hand they want to say a woman can hit a man, but a man can't hit a woman. Neither one should be hitting the other, but if a woman attacks some guy, he has a right to defend himself. Retreat is the best option, but 1) It's not always possible, and 2) The instinct when someone is coming at you is to defend yourself - people don't always make perfect decisions when under attack.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Nina0 said:


> If a man looks at me, it's not my fault... It's not flirting. Flirting for me is talking and make little jokes and being interested (all in a flirting way) Complimenting a woman in a non sexual way is only being nice, not flirting.


Done at the workplace will get you fired. But if a woman did it, it's ok. There's definitely a double standard that exists here.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

bankshot1993 said:


> OK, I have to say something to this and please don't take this as a personal attack, it most certainly isn't meant to be.
> 
> This response is quite frankly laughable. You say that you go to the mall dressed up for yourself, no you don't, you go dressed up because you want to be attractive and you want others to find you attractive. There is nothing wrong with that, its natural.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything you said. Except that my husband said it is flirting... And it's not.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DH and I agree that flirting isn't ok. 

We also agree that a man has the right to defend himself against a female attacker.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

@Nina0 ,
You are young and still exploring life. To answer your direct question "am I overreacting or what?!", My stuck up personal opinion is that you are freaking out a bit too much. First the flirting. He is also young and has failed to grow into the adult committed relationship that you are in. He hasn't built his own boundaries yet. Some guidance is perfectly in line with his needs. But, I think he will grow out of it. I think you should not bail out over this statement, but further discussion is warranted. 
Second the hitting thing. I have a lot to share on this but I want to stay focused on you. You have chosen consciously to live a life of non-violence. That is a good and noble thing, and you are fortunate to have lived in a way that allows that. That is your Moral Decision. Your Husband has a different, but equally valid Moral Decision. He has decided that he believes in the right of self defense. This is also a noble and inoffensive moral stance. He would never start violence but he believes protecting his physical being. Men are raised to be protectors. At some time you may need his willingness to protect because of your non-violence. You should probably accept this.
You have been called out for having a double standard, and I agree. But I think your level of double standard is pretty low. I would find it acceptable unless I am misinterpreting you. 
MN


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Nina0 said:


> I agree with everything you said. Except that my husband said it is flirting... And it's not.


Please don't take this the wrong way. I am a strong advocate that until flirting becomes sexual or suggestive that's it's harmless. Whether people want to admit it or not, everybody flirts. But you dressing up "for you" to go out and run errands by yourself is flaunting. Yes you dress up because you like to look good but you also do it so other's notice you and see that you look. And again, there's nothing wrong with that at all. You take pride in your appearance, that's a good trait.


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## WhiplashWish (Mar 20, 2017)

Hm. I think that initiating flirting if you're married is not awesome, though some men do enjoy seeing their wives ogled by other men (and women), and perhaps some women do enjoy seeing their man ogled by other women (does it work both ways?...I'm assuming it does...)

I don't think it's a good thing on my part, but my wife is attractive and I like seeing the reaction she gets when she enters a room, though I don't encourage her to dress in a provocative way and I don't think she dresses the way she does for anyone but herself and me. That's something I take pride in, but if she started courting that attention from a *particular* man I'd probably not dig that at all.

For her part, my wife says she takes pride in my ability to be the more...oh, I don't know how to put it...when we're in a group I'm usually the most socially savvy. She likes that. I'm not flirting, but I'm making the jokes, directing the conversation, and being generally alpha-ish. Now occasionally and innocently I've put too much of that quality directed at one woman, and my wife has clearly told me that's not cool. It's too much like flirting to her, and I get that.

To me flirting is trying to generate some kind of sexual tension in another person. If my wife was trying to do that with a particular guy, that'd be a problem, the same as if I were trying to do that with a particular woman.

As for hitting, early on in my marriage my wife would smack me because that's how she grew up with her friends. They'd playfully smack one another all the time for one reason or another, major or minor. I didn't dig it and I told her so. I'd never in a million years, however, have smacked her back or done anything remotely close to hitting her for any reason. I guess I am in the old camp that barring the threat of true injury or death or the defense of others I just wouldn't hit a woman. Even if she were accosting me, if I could extricate myself from the situation that would be my first option.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

The flirting thing is really dependent on what is meant by the term. It can be pretty broad. Suffice to say, my opinion is that there need to be serious boundaries as to what is acceptable flirting, and what is not.

RE: hitting a woman, well, I'm of the opinion that a woman thinks she's tough enough to take a swing at a man, she must believe herself tough enough to take a swing from him. And she's invited it. Men shouldn't stand about while women abuse them.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

WhiplashWish said:


> Hm. I think that initiating flirting if you're married is not awesome, though some men do enjoy seeing their wives ogled by other men (and women), and perhaps some women do enjoy seeing their man ogled by other women (does it work both ways?...I'm assuming it does...)
> 
> I don't think it's a good thing on my part, but my wife is attractive and I like seeing the reaction she gets when she enters a room, though I don't encourage her to dress in a provocative way and I don't think she dresses the way she does for anyone but herself and me. That's something I take pride in, but if she started courting that attention from a *particular* man I'd probably not dig that at all.
> 
> ...



That is a great way to explain flirting and in that definition I think most would see that intentionally trying to generate that sexual tension with anyone other than your partner is wrong. Doing your best to look good and turn a few heads, I don't see anything wrong with that and I'm sure your partner would be equally proud.

Let's face it as much as we love it when a member of the opposite sex finds us attractive, it is equally exciting when somebody finds our spouse attractive. Its a bit of an ego stroke when somebody is envious of what you have and that includes people being envious of you having a very attractive spouse.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I agree with your husband.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Should be flirting with your husband then he wouldn't feel the need to flirt with anybody else. And he should be flirting with you.

Its not alright to hit eachother ever. 

Personaly if i catch some dude flirting with my woman he might get an ass kicking. Theres no place for flirting outside of marriage.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Personaly if i catch some dude flirting with my woman he might get an ass kicking. Theres no place for flirting outside of marriage.


This is a very ignorant statement. 

If some dude is flirting with your wife, why take it out on HIM? How does HE know she's got a man in her life. She certainly knows it, yet she decides to flirt with some other dude and yet you are ready to go after him.

You sound like the sort of guy who'd walk in on his wife having sex and take it out on the other guy thinking it's all his fault and she's completely blameless, and she'd probably look at you and smile and blink her eyes at you and tell you how much she loves you and you'd buy it, hook line and sinker.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

stixx said:


> This is a very ignorant statement.
> 
> If some dude is flirting with your wife, why take it out on HIM? How does HE know she's got a man in her life. She certainly knows it, yet she decides to flirt with some other dude and yet you are ready to go after him.
> 
> You sound like the sort of guy who'd walk in on his wife having sex and take it out on the other guy thinking it's all his fault and she's completely blameless, and she'd probably look at you and smile and blink her eyes at you and tell you how much she loves you and you'd buy it, hook line and sinker.


Its called a wedding ring. My wife wheres one. If a dude ignors it when im around hes in trouble

And you sound like the type of guy who when trump got elected you needed a safe place where pictures of puppies and rainbows would help you deal with your disapointment.

Yout situation of me walking on on something is just silly where would i walk in on somone with my wife? If they had to walk throught my house he would be adle to tell i was married by the family pictures etc.


So let me state it again if your hitting on my wife your gona possibly get a fist in your face,

If shes flirting back shes out the door.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

bankshot1993 said:


> It helps us with our confidence and it helps us with our ego. There is no reason to hide your motives for wanting to look good. If you truly didn't care what you looked like to others you would be leaving the house dressed in the same clothes you did your spring cleaning in and your hair still tied up on end.


Those reasons are valid for wanting to put our best foot forward when we're out amongst people. I think the OP meant that she likes to look her best when she's out but it's NOT because her intention is to ATTRACT a man or flirt with one. It makes HER feel good about herself. Every single thing a woman does in her life is not *always* an attempt to please or attract a man. Crazily enough, sometimes a woman does it for HERSELF. 

Yeah, I know...that's crazy talk, right?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> Done at the workplace will get you fired. But if a woman did it, it's ok. There's definitely a double standard that exists here.


That is SUCH a crock.

If some guy is calling a woman 'honey' and 'baby' and 'sweetheart,' yup...he's going to get in trouble. If he's complimenting her legs or chest or figure or making sexual innuendos, then yup...he's going to get in trouble. If he's talking about sex or bringing up subjects that are inappropriate and creating a hostile work environment for her because of it, then yup...he's going to get into trouble. And if a woman is doing that to a man, she is going to be in EQUAL trouble. What's all this nonsense about women getting away with it at work but men automatically being hung in the town square for it?

What a load of sexist crap.

Men don't lose their lobs if they simply compliment a woman co-worker on her new hairstyle or the color of her outfit, or the presentation she gave that morning, etc. etc. I've worked in HR for years with an employee base of over 500 men and women, and there's never YET been a complaint from a woman that some guy had the nerve to compliment her new hairstyle or her new watch - much less a man _fired_ for it.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> Keke24 please stop assuming. I don't interact with other man and have no interest on that. My husband said that because I went to the mall by myself last week all dressed up but it's because I love dressing up for myself, not for any man. Idk how my husband thought it was flirting, this is bs.




If you love dressing up for yourself, why don't you dress up and stay at home and go to the mall without dressing up?


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Its called a wedding ring. My wife wheres one. If a dude ignors it when im around hes in trouble
> 
> And you sound like the type of guy who when trump got elected you needed a safe place where pictures of puppies and rainbows would help you deal with your disapointment.
> 
> ...


Not everyone wears a wedding ring, and besides if the woman is receptive to the advances of another man, the problem is still not with him. He could be anyone. She could have told him anything. "We're separated, he's abusive, the marriage is as good as over". She's the one who is supposed to be loyal and faithful. And yes guys walk in on their cheating wives all the time. Not all guys respect the fact that a woman is married especially when she's giving him signs that his sexual advances are ok. So you go around beating up all the guys who flirt with your wife, that's nothing more than the fairytale where the guy sticks his fingers in the holes in the leaking damn thinking that's going to fix it. 

Keep acting like the big tough guy and saying "she's out the door". The truth is, if she cheats with another guy, and you don't like it, odds are you are the one walking out the door while she keeps the house and the children if you have any.

While your tough guy attitude is admirable (only to you), it's not realistic.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

stixx said:


> I totally agree. If the man's life is threatened he can hit her in self defense, or she hits him first he can hit her back in retaliation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Apparently, we are supposed to hit them WITH the penis. I asked my wife for a female perspective on it...


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Also: what do you do if the woman wants to be hit? (Or gently choked). 
A serious question. Would you do it??


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> Apparently, we are supposed to hit them WITH the penis.


Yes but the penis must be hard otherwise it's ineffective.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

stixx said:


> Yes but the penis must be hard otherwise it's ineffective.




Depends how stretchy it is. Could always use it as a lasso...


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Also: what do you do if the woman wants to be hit? (Or gently choked).
> A serious question. Would you do it??
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Do it only if you're comfortable with it and it doesn't seem like it's tied into some deeper issues with her.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Interesting conversation.
I agree a man has the right to self defense and that nobody should be hitting anybody. When I was young, I used to think it was okay for women to hit men, but the older I get I realize how extremely unfair that belief was. But while I fully support a man in self defense, I don't support escalation. If a woman slaps a man, beating the sh!t out of her is not appropriate. Pushing her out of the way and leaving is. But honestly, there is really no reason to slap a man (or anybody for that matter.) 

As for dressing up for ourselves...I am a middle aged fat lady. I am not turning heads no matter what I am wearing. But I dress nicely and put on my make up when I go out, because it gives me confidence and makes me feel good. It is not at all what other people are thinking, but instead how I feel about what I am wearing. 

And in fact I wear a lot of things that probably aren't all that attractive, but make me happy. I have these great clogs that are blue with a flower pattern on them. I am not wearing them for any man, I am wearing them because I like looking down and seeing them. It's about me. Not about anyone else. 

Why don't I dress up when I am at home? Because at home I dress for different emotional needs. I dress cozy and comfortable, for me. I am in my safe place, so to speak, and the boost of self confidence I get from dressing up and putting on makeup isn't needed. Instead I wear things that make me feel active or relaxed. But again it's about me and what I want. I will also wear my blue clogs at home as well. 

At this point in my life, most of my choices have nothing to do with being attractive to men.


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## BlueandBlond (Jun 20, 2016)

I was once in a mental and physically abusive relationship. He looked me in the eyes and the next thing I knew I was on the floor and knocked out. It never stopped after that and just got worse. In no way is hitting allowed by either parties. Once that happens in a relationship, then the respect is gone and so is the relationship. If we are talking about a life and death situation well.....that is a different subject all together. 

As for flirting, to be flirtatious on purpose in front on one another is very hurtful, inconsiderate, and disrespectful. To do this apart from one another is what I think a form of cheating. To compliment someone is not flirting. You can be attracted to someone whether you are in an involved relationship or not. It is just natural. It is all in how you approach it and how committed you are.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

stixx said:


> Not everyone wears a wedding ring, and besides if the woman is receptive to the advances of another man, the problem is still not with him. He could be anyone. She could have told him anything. "We're separated, he's abusive, the marriage is as good as over". She's the one who is supposed to be loyal and faithful. And yes guys walk in on their cheating wives all the time. Not all guys respect the fact that a woman is married especially when she's giving him signs that his sexual advances are ok. So you go around beating up all the guys who flirt with your wife, that's nothing more than the fairytale where the guy sticks his fingers in the holes in the leaking damn thinking that's going to fix it.
> 
> Keep acting like the big tough guy and saying "she's out the door". The truth is, if she cheats with another guy, and you don't like it, odds are you are the one walking out the door while she keeps the house and the children if you have any.
> 
> While your tough guy attitude is admirable (only to you), it's not realistic.


its called boundaries.... got to have some.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> That is SUCH a crock.
> 
> If some guy is calling a woman 'honey' and 'baby' and 'sweetheart,' yup...he's going to get in trouble. If he's complimenting her legs or chest or figure or making sexual innuendos, then yup...he's going to get in trouble. If he's talking about sex or bringing up subjects that are inappropriate and creating a hostile work environment for her because of it, then yup...he's going to get into trouble. And if a woman is doing that to a man, she is going to be in EQUAL trouble. What's all this nonsense about women getting away with it at work but men automatically being hung in the town square for it?
> 
> ...


Oh yes they do, I've seen it happen. A guy did get fired at a company I used to work for for just saying that a woman employee looked nice with no other reference to any sexual innuendo. Women commonly said things to guys about their appearance and nothing was ever done. This has caused me to be extra careful on the job to the point of being uncomfortable about it....and yes there IS a double standard regarding this that plays out every day in the work place.


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## Good Guy (Apr 26, 2016)

Flirting is a very very grey area. What would be outrageous flirting with one woman might be harmless banter with another one. For example a woman after work was saying how she dreams in the langouage of the person she is dreaming about. Then said "when I dream about you, I do it in English" and I said "oh you are dreaming about me then?" The woman in question found it hilarious and it was meant that way, and she often jokes with me and other guys in a similar way, but there are lots of women I wouldn't say that to in a million years - they would be running to HR.

Am I crossing a line? Hell no.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One the topic of whether or not a man can hit a woman. 

I agree that a man can hit a woman in self-defense. If she hits him first AND there is no way for him to walk away, then it’s legally self-defense if he hits her to defend himself. For self-defense, there also must be a reasonable fear of harm.

If a 5’ women hits a 6’4” guy with her bare hand, I’m not sure that there is a reasonable fear of harm. The situation would definitely have to be considered. Now if a 6’4” woman hits a 5’ tall man, there is more chance of her harming him. In either case, walking away from the fight is your first line of defense.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Generally, this is the case, but I know 2 women off the top of my head, who any man would be silly to mess with. One is a black belt in karate (I can't remember what degree she is, but she got her first black belt when we were in high school 20+ years ago). The other is a body builder who could take down a man twice her size.



Nina0 said:


> Oh no! I think there's no way a woman can hit man! I am totally against that and I never hit anyone and I even don't talk loud to my partner or anyone. But I do think men hitting women is worst because *men are stronger than women so it makes it worse.*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ursula said:


> Generally, this is the case, but I know 2 women off the top of my head, who any man would be silly to mess with. One is a black belt in karate (I can't remember what degree she is, but she got her first black belt when we were in high school 20+ years ago). The other is a body builder who could take down a man twice her size.


Yea, that sounds like to women to never get in a fight with.

Often, when regular women (not black belts & body builders) decide to really do harm, they use a weapon. And this can make them very dangerous. A lot more dangerous than a fist on a 5'2" female.

I know a woman who accidently killed her husband. They used to 'play fight' (Yes he too called it play fight.) In one of their 'play' fights, she hit him on the head with a old school key-pad telephone. It killed him. She's still serving a prison term for murder/manslaughter/something like that.

Knives are also a weapon often used by women.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Holy scheister, EleGirl, that's a horrible story!  But yes, I agree that any small woman (or any woman/anyone in general) with a weapon would be deadly. 



EleGirl said:


> Yea, that sounds like to women to never get in a fight with.
> 
> Often, when regular women (not black belts & body builders) decide to really do harm, they use a weapon. And this can make them very dangerous. A lot more dangerous than a fist on a 5'2" female.
> 
> ...


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I have a theory: the smaller the woman, the deadlier. 
I hope that @She'sStillGotIt is not reading this. I am very scared of her  and would only use hands-free sets if it came to telephone fights, size XS.
(Terrible story btw).


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