# Wife sharing got wrong - need advice



## RightHandMan (Nov 3, 2014)

...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

What the hell is wrong with your? Seriously?

You cheat than you ask your wife to cheat, then you turn the table and say no?

Whenever it comes to sharing your partner you have to be REALLY detailed and set some boundaries, it seems like "pictures" was the boundary but it was kind of nonsense...wasn't it?

Even if you do everything perfect, most relationships fail in time......

You stacked the cards against yourself and your relationship.

When you cheat, it's probably in your best interest to end relationship (even if your wife stays). Let's face it, she would've probably had that guy regardless if you approved or not....after all, you cheated, why shouldn't she?

You see how that works?

No advice for you sir other than good luck.


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## RightHandMan (Nov 3, 2014)

It looks like I have the wrong forum.

While I am not looking for justification - I was hoping to have a little constructive advise. 

I wish you well.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

DoF said:


> What the hell is wrong with your? Seriously?
> 
> You cheat than you ask your wife to cheat, then you turn the table and say no?
> 
> ...


:iagree:

You sent some mixed messages to your wife. You sent her ALONE to have sex with another man. Now you're mad you didn't get any pictures? :slap:

I've got nothing for you, like DoF.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

First of all, I would bet money that she and her young gym-buddy have been having sex for awhile. She's been hanging around this group for two years and since you already cheated three years ago, she's more likely to cross that boundary. That's just my guess.

Yes, you gave her the green light. She digs this guy, so why does she want you around? And she doesn't care about your pics. In fact, because you're encouraging her to flirt and have sex with another guy, she's lost respect for you. Maybe not consciously, but she feels it. It's how women are biologically wired. A man is supposed to protect his wife and marriage. Women are attracted to a man who doesn't tolerate other men involved with his wife. You failed that one miserably.

I don't know how you're going to get your marriage back on track, but if you continue to let her work out at the same club with him and the other friends, your marriage is over.

I speak from experience as to the 'wife-working-out-at-the-gym' thing. She's a target for the young workout warriors. You're a fool to let her go there by herself, let alone socialize with them.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Cubby said:


> First of all, I would bet money that she and her young gym-buddy have been having sex for awhile. She's been hanging around this group for two years and since you already cheated three years ago, she's more likely to cross that boundary. That's just my guess.


Agreed



Cubby said:


> Yes, you gave her the green light. She digs this guy, so why does she want you around? And she doesn't care about your pics. In fact, because you're encouraging her to flirt and have sex with another guy, she's lost respect for you. Maybe not consciously, but she feels it. It's how women are biologically wired. A man is supposed to protect his wife and marriage. Women are attracted to a man who doesn't tolerate other men involved with his wife. You failed that one miserably.
> 
> I don't know how you're going to get your marriage back on track, but if you continue to let her work out at the same club with him and the other friends, your marriage is over.
> 
> I speak from experience as to the 'wife-working-out-at-the-gym' thing. She's a target for the young workout warriors. You're a fool to let her go there by herself, let alone socialize with them.


x2

Agreed


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

RightHandMan said:


> It looks like I have the wrong forum.
> 
> While I am not looking for justification - I was hoping to have a little constructive advise.
> 
> I wish you well.


Constructive?

or Enabling advice?

There is a HUGE difference.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

RightHandMan said:


> It looks like I have the wrong forum.
> 
> While I am not looking for justification - I was hoping to have a little constructive advise.
> 
> I wish you well.


Stick around. You'll get plenty of advice. But most will be harsh. But I think you'll find that's what you'll need. 

Fantasies are usually much different than reality. Life isn't a big porn film. I know, some couples get into this stuff and I guess it works out for them. But for the vast majority, human nature enters the picture and ruins the erotic fantasy you had.

I think your wife is more deeply involved with the guy than you realize. In order to find out exactly where she is with him, look at the phone records and texts and emails going back many months. Just so you know the extent of what you're up against.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Cubby said:


> Stick around. You'll get plenty of advice. But most will be harsh. But I think you'll find that's what you'll need.
> 
> Fantasies are usually much different than reality. Life isn't a big porn film. I know, some couples get into this stuff and I guess it works out for them. But for the vast majority, human nature enters the picture and ruins the erotic fantasy you had.
> 
> I think your wife is more deeply involved with the guy than you realize. In order to find out exactly where she is with him, look at the phone records and texts and emails going back many months. Just so you know the extent of what you're up against.


And before you do so, ask yourself "am I willing to continue relationship with this person"?

Cause the more you dig, the more you will find.

Answer that question now, cause frankly, if you are not willing to stay......start the divorce (and to be honest with you, your wife should've started that when you cheated).


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## RightHandMan (Nov 3, 2014)

Not enabling.... I asked two simple questions. I can see I asked the wrong forum. I know that lifestyle is outside the normal thought process. I apologize for bringing it up here.

I should point out one thing - my wife agreed to let me know and have me involved. I don't feel bad about what she did (the act) but about how she went about doing it (lying to me about when she did it and not having me involved).

I don't think she ever did it before - I read all the texts and they both sounded like it was their first time. 

Thanks.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

RightHandMan said:


> Not enabling.... I asked two simple questions. I can see I asked the wrong forum. I know that lifestyle is outside the normal thought process. I apologize for bringing it up here.
> 
> I should point out one thing - my wife agreed to let me know and have me involved. I don't feel bad about what she did (the act) but about how she went about doing it (lying to me about when she did it and not having me involved).
> 
> ...


Well, if you want to continue with this, except to have your wife agree to have you there and involved, you're not going to get much support for that lifestyle on this forum. 

But you will get good advice on how bringing others into your bedroom will erode your marriage. You can listen or not. Your choice.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Sooo... asking your wife to bed another man is somehow ok

but her lying to you is not?

I would love to hear the logic thread behind that perspective.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Elvis has left the building. He just deleted his opening post. Too bad, because now he's going to be concentrating on how he can get his wife to include him in her sexual escapades. Obviously she and her new boyfriend don't want him around. And why would they?


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## RightHandMan (Nov 3, 2014)

Thanks, Cubby. I think there is much to learn here, but what I was trying to do - that lifestyle - is beyond the thought process of most of the responding people. 

I think I am going to get doom and gloom. I checked texts and phone records - nothing to or from the guy going back 4 months. Only after he sent her the first text.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't agree with the lifestyle but have studied it

All involved would say you have to have an extremely healthy relationship before going into an open marriage or swinging lifestyle.

Your marriage is the classic example of a bad choice for "sharing".

You are a cheater and now your wife is as well for not respecting your boundaries.

My advice would be to pick up the pieces, if you can, get lots of counseling and start over building a monogamous marriage.

A successful swinging couple would not offer you much different advice.


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## RightHandMan (Nov 3, 2014)

> You are a cheater and now your wife is as well for not respecting your boundaries.


Once a cheater, always a cheater. Right?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

RightHandMan said:


> Once a cheater, always a cheater. Right?


oh come on.... disrespect too??

do not assume the thoughts here....


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

RightHandMan said:


> Once a cheater, always a cheater. Right?


No, not necessarily. But because you cheated, it makes it a lot easier for her to justify in her mind what she's doing. Plus you urged her in that direction.

When a couple has remained faithful and monogamous, it's a huge stop for one of them to cheat. However, it's a small step to take for your wife in the situation she was in. Your story isn't surprising at all. In fact it's predictable.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

I have a feeling you'll be living up to your user name for a while...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RightHandMan said:


> Once a cheater, always a cheater. Right?


No need for that.

I was pointing out that your marriage was far from healthy and you should not have attempted the lifestyle.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

curious is this a one side relationship, meaning she gets to have something on the side/with you ?


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## RightHandMan (Nov 3, 2014)

It is one sided - she would get to play + me involved in some way. I am not interested in other women.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

RightHandMan said:


> It is one sided - she would get to play + me involved in some way. I am not interested in other women.


You are failing to understand what others are trying to tell you.

WHY did you cheat originally?
What lead you to that place?

That's what you have to figure out. What what wrong with your marriage that lead you to cheat.

Unless you just did it for no reason cause you wanted to.

Accepting a cheating husband is HARD enough for your wife, THEN the REAL work begins. And that is, digging deep and figuring out what went wrong.

What you did is simply ignore it and ask your husband to sleep with another man?

Why in the world would you want that? do you even realize the amount of STDs out there and how much risk you just added to your wife/kids/your lives?

Have you even spoke to her about protection? Is she strong enough to follow thru under temptation?

Go ahead and look up STD list.......be ready to fall off your chair and rethink the reality.


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## BadHubby (Jan 12, 2012)

Sir, i have confessed some grousom details here, much along the lines of your issue (from what i can assume, since post is erased) and the advice has been non-biased and appreciated. 

However, if you are looking for a more related forum, see Our Hotwives • Index page

PS, hoping im allowed to post links? not entirely familiar with the rules here. 

Thanks


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## BadHubby (Jan 12, 2012)

here is my semi-related thread: 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...here-do-i-begin-she-hates-me-so-will-you.html


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

As Entropy used to say...
"Dear Penthouse"


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