# My Sad Intro



## riptapart (Jul 11, 2012)

hi all. I don't know if I even belong here as i am only recently seperated from "common law wife" Lori. Without going into too much detail I will say I think mental illness destoyed us. One of them being PMDD. I am so lost. just a few months ago I had my future planned and was pretty happy except for the distance emotionally with my wife. I had to leave. i had no choce. She wasn't giving me what I needed and now she doesn't even want me home. There have been signs of her snapping out of it latly with her saying she is so confused and she is starting to miss me and stuff. But it is short lived. i don't believe she is doing it intentionally. I really believe something "snapped" inside of her. She always told me that if i was ever gone she would lose her mind. I always tought it was just an expression of speech.

We had a brief move back in a month after it happened, but it wasn't right. Something with HER was not right. Things were picking up until, I swear this to be true, she ovulated. her behavior was so strange. Outside of the house it seemed almost like she was gone from me for a long time, gorgot our years together and was acting like when we were dating. At home she was miserable. it is like she doesn't know who SHE is anymore. Letting me go makes no sense. Everything out of her mouth is negative. i KNOW she has abandonment issues from her dad leaving her mom for another woman and not ever really being an emotional dad after that. i know it. She was always so insecure about me. Now she doesn't care if i move on.

It is like she had some type of mental collapse. i don't know any other way to describe it. There are signs she is coming out of it though. I even told her something has been very wrong with her. She ACTUALLY ADMITTED IT. For her that is huge to question her "mental state". She even said, "I don't think I am all the way back yet". I feel like I was the key to her entire life and now she is throwing me away. She will even say that I was a great man to her. She is very attracted to me physically also. But it seems like she thinks out loud to me sometimes. She even listens when I tell her who she is. it is so damn weird.

Finally this past week I got some conversation out of her. I am only letting her initiate it. thankfully now too we have a mutual friend who lets me know a little. She is starting to get lonely and is missing me. She wants to start doing thngs with me and my son. lori even asked me to go on vacation for a couple days with our mutual friends to be alone with me. later that night she didn't seem too enthused anymore. But it was a good sign. it seems the less I give, the more I get.

This is not your typical break up in which i was a bad guy and she wanted a better life. this is her saying Ithat i am the one who deserves more. That SHE is a failure as a mother and a lover.
That is why I know something is wrong with her, like she is in some other reality land.

How ould all those fears of losing m for years go away totally? something snapped in her. When she has PMDD she DESPISES ALL MEN. What happened to the girl that hung onto me so tight, so afraid to lose me. i would never have left her. never have hurt her. If anyone is interested i will post more.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

If you feel like posting. Always do. It is your feelings your health your escape.

It's hard I know. I have no idea what to tell you other than stay strong, focused, and if you love her think of ways that will show her (either by leaving her alone, or being by her side)

Time will tell but this I know for sure....take it slow. If you rush into things with her one of you may have their heartbroken.

Ond step at a time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## riptapart (Jul 11, 2012)

Thanks Buddy. I have tt tell you that this hurt is one of the top 3 hurts of my life. I am starting to hear some things from her that she is starting to miss me, and she even asked me to go on vacation in a couple of weeks. I think I am going to say NO. I lost my home and my future dreams because she felt as though she was a failure as a mother and a lover.

Maybe that will be the wrong thing to do if she asks again, but there is no way I am going to "date" my wife and then have to go home somewhere else. Who is she to call the shots all the time now?

Some say she is pushing me away because she can't hanle her feelings for me. Some say it is because she is hurting and pushing away the one she loves the most. Some even say she wants me back but doesn't know how to express it. She talks about the future being wide open, and wanting to spend time with me now, like our live and PARENTHOOD is a damn game.

I think that now that she got out from under me, she feels less pressure to be a good mother and partner. Well too bad. What about ME??? my hurt is that I can't even be around her anymore after loving her for so long. Giving her all the reassurances for years and now I am dirt to her. now she chooses to have her 16 year old daughter as her best friend instead of daughter. And OUR FUTURES ARE RUINED.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

If its true love then it will work out. If its not then it won't.

My wife divorced me and says she doesn't believe in me anymore.

So I started to focus on myself and have made big time progress. About to finish school,
I exercise, pick up positive hobbies etc.

You see, I love her I always have and I want to show her that I am one of the rare ones that did change. It's been 9 months and I miss her everyday but at the end she still might not come back.

I will find a way to live without her but I wouldn't be able to if I don't give us a chance.

I won't be the reason forus not working it out.

So it sounds like your wife is a little like I was. She just needs to be alone so she can focus on what she really wants.

Does she have a job?
Does she exercise?
Does she love herself?
Does she have a hobby?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## riptapart (Jul 11, 2012)

Job, yes... Enough to support herself and her daughters but without much extra

Exercise, Not reall

Love herself, NOPE, Very insecure with abandonment issues. After years of giving HER reassurance, she doesn't want me NOW.

Hobby.... Not really NO

I think my common law(remember) wife has very deep issues and emotional problems. She was always very insecure when it came to me.

Honestly i am hoping those insecurities resurface. She has been showing signs of it. Actually that is how she initated one of our very few "talks", asking if I had a girlfriend. I WISH some professional could give me some insight on what to expect from her. She has PMDD type symptoms every month, maybe PMDD or maybe her cycle adds fire to her other emotional problems.

Like I said BEFORE she got preagnant, once or twice every month she would dump me, and then come CRAWLING back. A couple times I almost left but she would stop me at the door. Well a few months ago she didn't. I caame back a month later when she got her period again and we tried, MOSTLY I DID, and right at ovulation, she asked me to leave again. Up until a week ago, I tried all the love speeches I could and NOTHING worked. So I tried the other way, ignoring her. That quickly I got a couple calls and questioning if I had another girlfriend.

By the sounds of things she is starting to miss me and wants to start "seeing" me. Sorry if this is wrong, but I am telling her, if i get the chance, that she has known what a great person I have been for 7 years. if she wants to "date" me, I come home and we do it from THERE. We were just about able to buy a home with some major financial help from my family when this happened. She knows I want my family and a new home. She says she doesn't know what she wants. Well that is all I can do. I am not taking it slowly, or dating her. I come home or we are done. Too bad. i did nothing but love her for 7 years. I have no reason to say i am sorry or prove my love. She is not getting it her way. Either she wants me home OR NOTHING

If that pushes her away, then i guess she really didn't love me anyway right? I didn't have an affair, I wasn't abusive. She decided she wasn't sure if she wanted a man in her life. Well her loss i must say. My loss too, but there is nothing I can do about it. I am hurting for sure. Hurting badly. But that is my only offer. i doubt she will want it, but WTH.


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## riptapart (Jul 11, 2012)

Something has happened to her inside. She just doesn't love me or care anymore. If I was a bad guy i would try to make it up to her. I always tried to do things to make us happier. She just was depressed or angry all the time.

I hope the 180 works. So far not much. But like they say, the 180 is good for me either way.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Her issues cannot be fixed by you. Either she accepts them and gets going
Or she'll always be stuck . (sad life)

If you love her enough to stick around. It will be long and draining and even then there is no guarantee it will all be as before 

All the list I gave you are classic symptoms

A lot of women tend not to have hobbies (not sure why )
How can they express themselves or have an outlet?

Sounds like your done. Only your heart can guide you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

You really should talk to a professional about this.

You sound like a very good man that still loves someone very much but has been put through the ringer.

If you want to work it out it won't be like you want either because lets say you do go back,, this doesn't automatically fix the problems.

You guys can be meant for each other but as long as there are these major issues you both will not be happy.

Some stay and live on the memories of the past and hope the person changes

Some leave and still hope one day the person will change

Some leave and never look back

Which one are you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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