# Seperated 3 months - dating again???



## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

probably a few of these posts on here, but hey.

I wont go into reasons of breakup, covered that in other posts.

Anyway we still get along okay but after 3 nmonths i can see its more likely we will never get back together....

So i feel i should start living a bit of a single life, im 29. 

Not sure i want one night stands although would be easier. A thing that could be a problem is though there is a girl i was considering asking out on a date, she knows im seperated and have a 3 year old girl but not sure she knows im still married (under title).

Would girls care if i have only been seperated a few months and still married or would they be happy to date. Spoke to a few girls and work and they said that they wouldnt date a seperated married man. hmmmm

Although this girl might, but obviosuly will be hard for her being 23 and going out with a 29 year old dad


thoughts?


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I refuse to date until the divorce is final. Totally your call, but three months seems a little emotionally "fast" in the healing process. Not sure if this would be the best route. 

Just because you are lonely, don't try to fill the void of the stbxw with another person. They won't fill the space that you are thinking they will.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

I dated after more than a year of separation. This is when we both signed the documents and was just waiting for the divorce to be final. But still it didn't feel right.
I told the guys that I dated that I'm still technically married, and is not ready for anything.
They accepted it, we had dinner, talked, and had a good time.
One of them went overboard with flowers and gifts, but I'm hoping I was gentle enough when I repeated to him that I'm not ready for anything.
I guess what I'm saying is...if you want to date, let the girl know what your status is, and if she's still ok with it, then I say go ahead.
but don't rush into anything hot and heavy yet. Rebound relationships, from what I've seen with my other divorced friends is the worst thing that could happen.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

ProfJ said:


> I dated after more than a year of separation. This is when we both signed the documents and was just waiting for the divorce to be final. But still it didn't feel right.
> I told the guys that I dated that I'm still technically married, and is not ready for anything.
> They accepted it, we had dinner, talked, and had a good time.
> One of them went overboard with flowers and gifts, but I'm hoping I was gentle enough when I repeated to him that I'm not ready for anything.
> ...


I waited until the D was final before I even started testing the waters. The relationship was over - but for some reason I felt a need to continue to respect the marriage. Maybe because I have two kids - older than yours - and didn't want them looking back one day with foggy memories - wondering if Dad's dating was part of why things didn't work out.

I also think you really need a little time to yourself. You might be using this girl to take some of the pain away and not even realize it.

And you absolutely have to be totally honest with her about the status of the marriage.


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## Gammyleg (Jan 12, 2011)

I'm one year along now and started dating after about 4 months. Wasn't ( and still am not ) looking for a 'relationship' just a little validation that there are still some people out there who find me an attractive proposition.

One of these women was 35, single & no kids whereas I was 48 separated with 3 kids. It was fun for both of us with no expectations, plus a huge boost for a flagging middle aged ego.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

@Gammy,
I can understand how the ego boost feels good. I'm 34 with two kids, I've flirted with two 24 yearolds lately, felt good
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In a lot of peoples eyes, you are separated; which largely means that you are still "legally married!" A goodly number of ladies would much rather have a date with an unencumbered man who is definitely not married and is available emotionally. To be dating while still legally married is not very ethical, at best, and could possibly end up biting you in the butt from a legal perspective given the proper set of circumstances. I don't really think that any attorney representing you would exactly give you _"carte blanche"_ on doing it!


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

crap proud you totally just made me trigger- stbxh left me for a 24 year old


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Unsure....I would rather have a woman my age, they are more mature, plus they are far more beautiful (Like I know you are)


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Thanks proud


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Its true....your ex will find out that beauty is very superficial. Beauty is when they want to be with you when you just woke up in the morning, beauty is wanting to take care of you when you are sick
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I am torn. I went on what some might call a date but we decided to just call it a meet up since and it was strange. I enjoyed talking to him. He did most of the talking. I flirted a little, but I just couldn't see dating him... he is OCD and my house is chaos. He was a great meet and I needed to get out (especially since my H seems to be dating). Yes, that's why I did it, but I will fill you all in on that later on my own thread. 

I think you just have to decide. I know I have friends who say "you are still married" but you know what. He has shown no chance/sign of getting back together and I won't get to know "me" if I am just working and being a mother. I need to get out and enjoy myself too. So decide what works for you. ONS are not a favorite of mine and could cause pain/problems too.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I'm at 3 months as well. I am 100 per cent sure that my relationship/marriage is over, so I don't have a problem going on dates. This is the tricky part, I think you really need to go out with someone in the same situation, or else there could be expectations etc. For instance I met someone in the exact same situation who also does not want a serious relationship, but also wants to spend time with the opposite sex.

I think discretion is important. My ex knows I date and one other person. I would never introduce my kids to any dates, only unless it became serious at about 6 months. My kids are still my priority.

I wouldn't recommend dating someone that young, they'll grab on to you and expect you to become serious right away, they really don't understand the separated thing, and the emotions that are still there.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> I am torn. I went on what some might call a date but we decided to just call it a meet up since and it was strange. I enjoyed talking to him. He did most of the talking. I flirted a little, but I just couldn't see dating him... he is OCD and my house is chaos. He was a great meet and I needed to get out (especially since my H seems to be dating). Yes, that's why I did it, but I will fill you all in on that later on my own thread.
> 
> I think you just have to decide. I know I have friends who say "you are still married" but you know what. He has shown no chance/sign of getting back together and I won't get to know "me" if I am just working and being a mother. I need to get out and enjoy myself too. So decide what works for you. ONS are not a favorite of mine and could cause pain/problems too.


LOL!! Mama, you sound like me. I was so guilty sometimes after the dates that I started calling them meetings. I have a meeting with so and so.
And that's all it really was. We met at a restaurant, eat, talked, shook hands, and went our own way.


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