# My boyfriend hit me



## palevampire8686 (Jul 2, 2020)

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. (He's 33 and I'm 22) At the 6th month, he cheated on me because he thought that I cheated on him (but it's another story). He came back and I just went completely nuts. I cried and I slapped him in the face. Two times. I regret this but I was just so mad, and I hesitated before doing this. So ever since, he has started to be violent with me. Because I'm a very difficult person.. he slapped me in the face, pushed me, hitted me, etc. I fear him because he's a very strong man. He told his mother that he hits me sometimes and her mother told him to never do that again. But sometimes he threaths me by saying he wants to hit me. Ever since that he cheated on me and has started to get violent with me, I'm very unhappy.

His excuse for being violent with me is that I hitted him first. He says that women and man are equal. And if I hit him first, he has the right to hit me because I did it first.

Envoyé de mon SM-G965W en utilisant Tapatalk


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

You are in an abusive relationship. You need to find a way out of it. There may be a domestic violence helpline in your area.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He cannot use the excuse of you slapping him during a time of extreme emotional shock to be habitually physically abusive of you.

Your boyfriend is a violent man. The idea of physical abuse is to control you. It's working. He does not even have to physically abuse you any more because he has you afraid of him. He will hit you again if he thinks he needs to to control you. 

You need to get away from him before he seriously injures you. If he ever hits you again, or threatens you, or starts breaking or throwing things call 911 (if you are in the US) or whatever number it is for the police where you live.

Are you living with him? Do you have anywhere that you can move to? Do you have friends and/or family who can can confide him.


Here's some domestic violence hotline info. You can contact the hotlines for help. They should be able to help you find an organization in your area that provides support and assistance for victims of domestic violence.

* The US National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support*
1-800-799-7233
========================================
In Canada:
1-866-863-0511 (Toll Free)
416-863-0511 (Toronto)
*I need counselling, health care, mental health or financial services*


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Dump him. It won't get better and there's a high chance he'll eventually kill you.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Your relationship is so toxic and it has been from the very beginning. You need to put an end to this. 

Hitting your BF was wrong. You know that. It is assault and he could have had you arrested for doing that. It doesn't matter how much someone hurts us, we don't have the right to hit them. I understand your reaction, believe me, but that doesn't make it okay. 

It also doesn't give your BF the right to be physically abusive towards you. That is never acceptable and it needs to stop. It will not stop until you put an end to this relationship or he decides to become a better man. The latter isn't very likely to happen, and quite frankly, it's not worth you waiting around to find out. Chances are things will get worse, not better. 

For the record, your BF might try the "I've changed!" line. It takes a full year from the last "incident" to be considered a safe partner. Also, there isn't a chance in hell he's changed overnight or without (a lot of) therapy and anger management. 

You are so young and you deserve better than this. It's time to end this relationship before kids, marriage, assets,etc. enter the picture. If you cannot leave asap, then call the police the next time he lays a hand on you. 

Also, so he cheated first, does that mean you have the right to sleep around with whoever you want now? I doubt it. The rules only apply to him.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There's nothing redeeming about your relationship. Get out. Give yourself some time to learn to be ok by yourself before you get into another relationship. That way, you will love yourself enough that you won't accept abusive treatment.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Dump him. Make the change quick as you can my dear.

You're seeing how the future will be, and it will get worse as H sees no repercussions for his bad actions today.

You can do it.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

He decides to get even by cheating.
He decides to get even by hitting.

He is 33, which I would consider mature enough not to react in such uncontrolled ways. Therefore this is his true character, you are dating someone that wants to control you.

He is using words to deflect from his actions. But actions speak louder than words.

You are unhappy and will remain unhappy. 

Find à safe way out of this pointless relationship.
Good luck


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

palevampire8686 said:


> He says that women and man are equal.


Even if he is the same size as you, chances are he would still be stronger and pack a bigger punch. You've seen his reasoning and his lack of maturity. Dump him and find someone closer to your own age. His mama needs to finish raising him.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Honey, you really need to exit this relationship. Do it gently and passively, don't lie and say you've found somebody else. Just say you feel you need to reset and not be in any relationship and need a break from dating. Alert your family and friends about him. Let them be your allies here - so he doesn't come after you.

The longer that time passes from the time you break up with him, the safer you will be. He'll find the next person to worry about later.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Please leave! The violence is going to get worse. 

You are so young! You can find someone who treats you with love and respect. Don't ever think someone who hits you loves you. 

You also need help understanding what a healthy relationship looks like. Find a counselor who can guide you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> At the 6th month, he cheated on me because he thought that I cheated on him (but it's another story).


He had someone in mind and needed an excuse to get with her.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Please run hard and fast, and don't look back.!!!.

There is no excuse for a man to ever lay a hand on a woman. There is no excuse for this behavior, NONE!

This is just a tip of the iceberg if you stay with him. The violence will only escalate. JMHO.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> He had someone in mind and needed an excuse to get with her.


Exactly what I was thinking.

Palevampire, if you were in his eyesight every second of every day, he would have still accused you of cheating or looking at other men or anything his abusive pea brain could fabricate just to be able to give you that lame excuse for his cheating. He needed to create something so that he could cheat on you and then blame you for it.

In addition to being a cheater, that whole scheme he concocted is emotional abuse and a very common characteristic of abusive men.

You should not have hit him. It was a stupid thing to do and means you, yourself, are abusive because you would have done it again had he responded differently. In other words, had you gotten away with it, you would have made a habit of physically abusing him when he made you angry.

Because he is also an abusive personality and had already begun to show you his abusive tendencies, he used your abuse to unleash the physically abusive aspect of his abusive personality. You are both toxic people, and this is never going to end unless you get away from him and then work on your own issues.

Dial 211 on your cell phone, and the operator can refer you to Domestic Violence shelters in your area. Call 2 or 3 of them to find out if they have a counselor on the premises. Many of them do, and they will be happy to talk with you about your situation. They can counsel you and will also help you formulate a plan to get away from your abuser.

The Domestic Violence shelters are also there and available the next time he hits you or threatens to hit you. They offer a safe and clean place to get away from him.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Never think that abusers don’t enjoy abusing. They love the power and control it gives them. Leave now before it escalates — because it will.


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## kdog99 (Aug 11, 2020)

You have received many suggestions from these posts. I agree with everyone who has posted a comment. Abuse is never OK. Once the line is crossed, there is no turning back. Short of a miracle, your relationship will not improve. It is good to love someone, but you should also love yourself. You are someone with a great amount of value and should not accept abuse (or be abusive yourself). You have both stepped over the line. Leave the relationship while you can, and do a lot of soul searching before jumping into another relationship.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Only 8 months and all this has happened already? What are you still doing there?!?


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

GET OUT NOW. There is no excuse for this. Period. You are 22, which means you are younger than my own children. I would not stand for this as a man and a parent. One thing should always be in the back of your mind...ABUSERS ESCALATE. Leave, please leave.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

palevampire8686 said:


> My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. (He's 33 and I'm 22) At the 6th month, he cheated on me because he thought that I cheated on him (but it's another story). He came back and I just went completely nuts. I cried and I slapped him in the face. Two times. I regret this but I was just so mad, and I hesitated before doing this. So ever since, he has started to be violent with me. Because I'm a very difficult person.. he slapped me in the face, pushed me, hitted me, etc. I fear him because he's a very strong man. He told his mother that he hits me sometimes and her mother told him to never do that again. But sometimes he threaths me by saying he wants to hit me. Ever since that he cheated on me and has started to get violent with me, I'm very unhappy.
> 
> His excuse for being violent with me is that I hitted him first. He says that women and man are equal. And if I hit him first, he has the right to hit me because I did it first.


@palevampire8686,

I have a friend named Yeardley Love who was 22yo and attending the University of Virginia. She was on the lacrosse team with a co-worker of mine, and that's how I met her and got to know her. She was going with a guy who was pretty mean to her in front of us, and yet none of us thought to say anything to her. It didn't really cross our mind to worry about her, because if he was really a jerk, she'd dump him, right? Sadly, about 3 weeks before graduation, they had an argument and he beat her to death.

Yes, it was wrong for you to have slapped him, and I strongly suggest that you learn more about managing your anger (such as using this workbook: Anger Management Workbook for Women). I also slapped my exH when I discovered that he cheated on me, so I do "get it"--yet the honest truth is that slapping another human being is assault, and he could have called the police on you (mine did)!

At the same time, I would STRONGLY recommend that you listen to every single video on the One Love website--which is a foundation that was started by Yeardley's mom to help people learn about unhealthy relationships. The shock of losing such a positive, beautiful person at just 22yo was indescribable, so her mom took that energy and channeled it so that others wouldn't lose their life because they didn't know about abusive, toxic relationships. Please literally watch every single video here: One Love Videos I susptect you'll learn a lot.

NOTE TO SELF: I am not affiliated with either of these links--just passing along good information.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You did hit him first, but that doesn't make anything that you two did to each other okay. You're clearly violent together and please tell me you are on birth control so you don't accidentally expose any kids to this violence and chaos. 

About cheat, someone who accuses the other for cheating when there is no reason (not assuming that is the case here) is very often someone with their own cheater mindset. They know they would cheat if they thought they were in a situation where they couldn't get caught, so they assume everyone else thinks the same way you do and are cheating on them given the opportunity. 

It's just a bad situation overall. When someone cheats or habitually accuses you of cheating when you're not -- LEAVE! FFS, you're not married and you're just starting, after 8 months to see who each other is. Cut bait and leave and then stop slapping people.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK my response is going to be (a) slightly different to everyone else's; and (b) based on personal experience.

Firstly you need to get immediate protection against this ****head! Report him to the police but also find someone who will be physically able to restrain and/or repel him (in other words, someone who can kick his ass!). 

Then consult a lawyer about your rights and get an injunction against him. Make sure the law is involved and if you have any evidence of his violence secure it and make sure your lawyer has it too.

Then dump him in a public way - do not be a shrinking violet, do not second guess yourself - just tell him to get his ass out of the house and make sure there is a police officer there when you are doing it as well as the person who can kick his ass.

Make sure everyone knows why you dumped him including his family and friends.

This is the only way to treat a bully.

Something very similar happened with my sister and an overbearing husband who was a big kid with the body of a bodybuilder. She told me about him, and in some of my background culture, he would never walk again, but since I did not want to break the law, we did it the right way. The POS could not believe that she would tell on him and dump his ass in such a public way. Many years on now, he has improved himself a great deal and is nice to my sister and their daughter even though they are divorced.

Good luck with this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Neither of you has any right to hit the other, but the fact that he has cheated as well is more than enough reason to end the marriage. I dont know why you are still together.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This situation sound toxic. You need to remove yourself from it.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

A violent relationship where both people are physically abusive, no reason for that to continue, end it yesterday.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

He is abusive. As others have told you, please leave him. Go to family or friends, or if you are afraid he will hurt you call a women's shelter many of them will even arrange transportation for you to exit this terrible relationship.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

palevampire8686 said:


> At the 6th month, he cheated on me because he thought that I cheated on him (but it's another story).


That's almost certainly him lying to you and making him cheating on you, your fault. He cheated because he went through the effort to make cheating happen.

Your other post from two months ago... incidentally right when he cheated on you... makes it pretty clear he's a horndog that was purposely testing you to see if you'd accept that he wants sex with other women.

In anycase, the rule with dating / bf / gf relationships where no children are involved, is you automatically end the relationship if you're cheated on. You don't even bother trying to find out why they cheated, let alone try and work on things. It's like trying to reverse engineer poop back into being macaroni cheese.

Don't waste the pretty.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Is this giant turd still walking around unassisted?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@palevampire8686 Leave him before he hurts you or kills you.


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## Tempocontour (Nov 5, 2018)

I hope you left him for your safety.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@palevampire8686 Just checking in with you. How are you?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Relatilnship is broke....get out. What did you do that would make him believe you had cheated on him? Slapping a man is not good. That is an insult. I have told my wife that if she ever felt i done something to warrant physical altercation, she best use a fist and not slap because i loose reality when slapped and did not want to seriously hurt her. 

My mom always taught me to not hit a woman....unless she puts herself in a man's shoes. If woman assaults me without provocation to deal with her. Likewise my boys have been told the same. Dont accept abuse from a woman, if she is the aggressor deal with the threat only as necessary.

On day son JR in HS had girl going around punching guys in shoulder. The boys were all trying to be macho, she drew back on my son and he said, "You hit me and i will hit you back!"


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

palevampire8686 said:


> My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. (He's 33 and I'm 22) At the 6th month, he cheated on me because he thought that I cheated on him (but it's another story). He came back and I just went completely nuts. I cried and I slapped him in the face. Two times. I regret this but I was just so mad, and I hesitated before doing this. So ever since, he has started to be violent with me. Because I'm a very difficult person.. he slapped me in the face, pushed me, hitted me, etc. I fear him because he's a very strong man. He told his mother that he hits me sometimes and her mother told him to never do that again. But sometimes he threaths me by saying he wants to hit me. Ever since that he cheated on me and has started to get violent with me, I'm very unhappy.
> 
> His excuse for being violent with me is that I hitted him first. He says that women and man are equal. And if I hit him first, he has the right to hit me because I did it first.
> 
> Envoyé de mon SM-G965W en utilisant Tapatalk


You should leave that horrible environment. Look at other threads here that have slapping and hitting the always best advice is to get away from a violent H, or spouse.

You're just bf gf. Leave him.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)




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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Affaircare said:


> View attachment 89943


Would like to know what she did. Chances are she's still with him.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

SCDad01 said:


> Would like to know what she did. Chances are she's still with him.


Actually, if you go to the original post and click on the original poster's profile image, you'll see the last time that person logged onto TAM. In this instance, she was last seen March 12, 2021. Chances are we will never know what happened.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Cat says "Virtual Reality me says close this sucker down!" 🐈


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