# I could really need a little help. I am so confused...



## stuffy (Aug 13, 2012)

Hello,

This is my first time on this site so this may be a long one. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I am 31 no kids. Right after we got married he told me that he wouldn't stop talking to his ex. ( The one right before me.) Cause he hurt her and she needed closure. 10 years later he is still talking to her. I explained how I felt and he agreed that it was not ok, but he still talks to her. She admitted to him that she still has feelings, but he insists that they are just friends. :scratchhead:

Recently he has started telling me that I am frumpy, that I dont dress like a girl, and I am not attractive because I have gained weight. (So has he! ) This hurt, but I put it off to he is stressed. I am not working, but I am in nursing school full time. We have been trying for a year to get pregnant, last night I informed him that I was ovulating and we should have sex. I put on sexy clothes and make up, did everything I could to get him ready, but he couldn't. I told him it is ok, it was just to stressful, and went to bed. A couple hours later I went down stairs to find him and he was sobing. I asked what was wrong and he told me that he cant give me the family that I want, and that he thought we should get a divorce. I told hime that I didn't want a divorce, and he said that I was still young enough to get the family that I want. 

I am not an ugly girl. I am 5 feet 9 inches, 155 lbs with blonde hair and blue eyes. 

He still tells me that he loves me, he says he is just never in the mood for sex. I don't know what the hell is going on! He keeps asking me if I still love him, which of course I do, but I am very hurt. I know this is a rambling post, and I am sorry, but confusion does weird things to me. Any advice would be welcome. Thank you for your time.


----------



## Millmaker (Aug 13, 2012)

Im new here too. Experiencing some problems myself. I think maybe you should have him go see a doctor if he hasnt yet. May be something as simple as low testosterone or something else male related. If you think he may for sure have feelings for his ex and that it could be the problem then you need to confirm it asap. The longer you wait the more you will get hurt.


----------



## sky101 (Aug 13, 2012)

I'm also new here, seems this is the new person thread. 

It sounds like he's feeling very insecure. It might be that he feels he can't give a family and he's getting very stressed and upset about it, it could be something else but sounds like it's that. I know it can be hard to have a heart to heart conversation, especially about things like this, but if you can try get him to open up about how he feels and tell him how you feel.

Take care of yourself though. Like Millmaker said, if you think it's related to his ex try find out.


----------



## StatusQuo (Jun 4, 2012)

First of all, welcome to TAM. This section "Considering Divorce and Separation" tends to be a little slower than the rest of the forum, so if you don't get many responses you might consider posting in the general relationship section (I've had to do this myself).

You seem to have a couple different things going on here, so I'll take them one at a time.

Is your husband depressed in general? Has he seen a doctor/been treated for depression? Are you as a couple stressed out about trying to conceive? Maybe "taking a break" from trying for a baby, and taking that pressure off of your relationship would help a little. My husband and I conceived both of our children during a "break". The scheduling and stress was off for a few months, and that's when things happened.

As for the ex... That's a slippery slope. It sounds like it could be an EA type of thing. I'd demand that he go no contact. Your needs as his wife are more important than the feelings of his ex!

The frumpy/unattractive comments are out of line. Have you told him how they make you feel?

I wish I had more in terms of advice, but it seems from your post there may be more going on with him. Would he be open to marriage/individual counseling?


----------



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN until you get this settled then you will know if you should have children with him. Your marriage could be 40+ years of suffering if you do not get this right.

*Right now you are not trapped but if you have children you will be close to being trapped and have very few if any options*


Your husband is seeing his ex-wife agaisnt your wishes.The ex-wife admitted that she still has feelings for your husbnad. Your husband does not want o have sex with you or have children with you. *Do you not see the huge red flags here?*


----------

