# My Husband Keeps Calling Me Fat



## AmberNetworking (Apr 30, 2020)

I'm 26 just got married to a 50 y/o man on February 8th, & have been with him for 3 years now.
I thought because he was married before that he would be mature enough to marry me & not name call me,like he said he did to his ex. He would nitpick what she wore, what she ate. My husband compares me to her and says I am just like her with some of her mental health problems he says she has, but I doubt she does because he says I have then too, which is not true.

Yesterday, my cat almost died, I'm spending all my savings to keep him alive, he had two Urinary Catheterization Procedures and I'm trying to keep him alive. My other cat is throwing up because she won't eat wet food that the vet said I should put them both on. My husband calls my sick cat fat.
I'm telling you all this because I'm going through a lot right now & have been crying everyday and have heartburn, can't sleep, & I've been trying to lose some weight by going on the treadmill.

Today, I go and eat one poptart (which is the most I've eaten in 3 days because I'm so depressed) and he goes on the treadmill and starts calling me fat, and told me to stop eating the poptart. He said yesterday he will divorce me if I get to 150 lbs.

I'm 142 lbs. 5"3.

I say "You are hurting.my feelings, stop calling me fat" & he says almost right after he calls me fat:

"Stop making **** up" and starts laughing and then he gets mad at me for being.mad at him & ignoring him


HOW DO I GET HIM TO STOP CALLING ME FAT


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

By divorcing him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

AmberNetworking said:


> I'm 26 just got married to a 50 y/o man on February 8th, & have been with him for 3 years now.
> I thought because he was married before that he would be mature enough to marry me & not name call me,like he said he did to his ex. He would nitpick what she wore, what she ate. My husband compares me to her and says I am just like her with some of her mental health problems he says she has, but I doubt she does because he says I have then too, which is not true.
> 
> Yesterday, my cat almost died, I'm spending all my savings to keep him alive, he had two Urinary Catheterization Procedures and I'm trying to keep him alive. My other cat is throwing up because she won't eat wet food that the vet said I should put them both on. My husband calls my sick cat fat.
> ...


Divorce his ass.

I encourage you to become physically, emotionally and mentally healthy as you leave this guy.

He is my age and I have kids your age and older!

I don't believe you have good self esteem, confidence and respect.

Is he some kind of Adonis?

I'm not getting this.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

What was a twenty three year old girl dating a forty seven year old man, especially a forty seven year old asshole.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Is he some kind of Adonis?


He must be perfect...... however, as @Andy1001 correctly pointed out, asshole disease is no respecter of age.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Your first mistake was expecting him to treat you differently than he treated his ex wife. 

He sounds like a man who has no respect for women. That’s not ever going to change. Demand he treat you with respect or you’ll leave him. Then leave when nothing changes because I suspect it won’t.

I’m sorry. You are young and have your whole life in front of you. Please don't waste it being treated like garbage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I just converted your weight inot something I can understand. UK weights, you see?  You are 10 stone in weight. Whilst not thin, that's not terribly big.

However you do have a lot of unnecessary weight in your life. How do you get rid of it? Diet? No. Divorce your fatheaded husband.

He's nasty, vile and needs to live by himself.

And I hope your kitties are both OK.


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

Divorce his old abusive arse!! Take care of the cats and run for the hills from this abuser before it gets worse. X


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> I'm 142 lbs. 5"3.


That is not fat. I always thought I had a deficit of self esteem. But I did know it's a lost cause if a guy made any issue --jokingly or otherwise -- about my weight.

Did he say anything while you two were dating? Since he admitted he nit panicked his first wife, did you ask him when was the last time he did it?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Divorce is skinny arse.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Agreed this man isn't going to change. Let's say you get down to 105 which would be tooooo thin. He'd just pick something else. He is trying to belittle you to make himself feel better. All this he tells you about his ex will be what he tells the next one about you.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Divorce him. There is nothing you can do that will make him love you, or treat you better. He is a terrible person, and it doesn’t matter how perfect you are, he will always treat you like crap and he’s because Of WHO he is. 

Don’t for one second think his behavior has anything to do with you. It doesn’t. He is the problem and he will never change. Divorce him and find someone who will treat you like a queen because that’s what everyone deserves.


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## Bluearrowscollide (Apr 30, 2020)

AmberNetworking said:


> I'm 26 just got married to a 50 y/o man on February 8th, & have been with him for 3 years now.
> I thought because he was married before that he would be mature enough to marry me & not name call me,like he said he did to his ex. He would nitpick what she wore, what she ate. My husband compares me to her and says I am just like her with some of her mental health problems he says she has, but I doubt she does because he says I have then too, which is not true.
> 
> Yesterday, my cat almost died, I'm spending all my savings to keep him alive, he had two Urinary Catheterization Procedures and I'm trying to keep him alive. My other cat is throwing up because she won't eat wet food that the vet said I should put them both on. My husband calls my sick cat fat.
> ...


Like it or not
His personality is sounding a little vicious , but Weight gain can be a problem for people , regardless of the reason.
Every person has a breaking point and for him to like you to be thinner is fine, we have a right to tell our partners we don't like something about the other , but we DO NOT have a right to make people feel bad about what we do not like about them.
So, are you happy with your weight??.
Do you feel confident? (other than the depression, I know, what I'm saying feels incomprehensible right now but, try)

Because I'd you are, then he will have to deal with it or not.
I hope you manage to wade through this dark patch.
Blue Arrow


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

AmberNetworking said:


> I'm 26 just got married to a 50 y/o man on February 8th, & have been with him for 3 years now.
> I thought because he was married before that he would be mature enough to marry me & not name call me,like he said he did to his ex. He would nitpick what she wore, what she ate. My husband compares me to her and says I am just like her with some of her mental health problems he says she has, but I doubt she does because he says I have then too, which is not true.
> 
> Yesterday, my cat almost died, I'm spending all my savings to keep him alive, he had two Urinary Catheterization Procedures and I'm trying to keep him alive. My other cat is throwing up because she won't eat wet food that the vet said I should put them both on. My husband calls my sick cat fat.
> ...


I did not read ANY of your post. I don't care.....I do not need to.
All I read was ......I AM 26..MARRIED A 50 YEAR OLD.

This is a disaster. Those are all the details I need.
Crazy.


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## AmberNetworking (Apr 30, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Divorce his ass.
> 
> I encourage you to become physically, emotionally and mentally healthy as you leave this guy.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your ideas. It's been like this already for years. He has good qualities too, like he is smart, funny, handsome. It's just he has a really bad time "joking" with me. I knew what I was willing to commit to when I married him, but it's been hard lately with the coronavirus, my cats health, I'm out of the job until another week, & all it's never been this hard before, I just wish there was a way I could get him to stop calling me names.

This is going to sound even more terrible, but he has 2 daughters my age, both have a different mother & he actually calls them fat to their face too sometimes. I don't think they know how verbally abusive he is behind closed doors. They laugh but he is like that all the time. I.JUST WANT TO HELP HIM.but I still fail.
He won't.go ton counseling I offered to pay for too. He goes out in public and yells at people in line in front of us like "If this fat piece of s would move" and it's so embarrassing.

There's got to be to a method to use to stop him from making me so upset. I try to.ignore it but it's hard. I just want to.work through it but I'm out of ideas.


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## AmberNetworking (Apr 30, 2020)

I just thought he was smarter 


Andy1001 said:


> What was a twenty three year old girl dating a forty seven year old man, especially a forty seven year old asshole.


I thought because he's older and more experienced he would be better. It's like he's getting worse as he gets older. It was a false facade when I met him years ago and then his mask fell off.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

He owns his behavior, not you. You need to realize you do not possess the power to change anyone other than yourself, so quit with the magical thinking. As it is, you've married a loudmouth jerk. Sorry. I would not tolerate such abuse. Time to figure out why YOU do. Seriously.


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## AmberNetworking (Apr 30, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> He owns his behavior, not you. You need to realize you do not possess the power to change anyone other than yourself, so quit with the magical thinking. As it is, you've married a loudmouth jerk. Sorry. I would not tolerate such abuse. Time to figure out why YOU do. Seriously.


Because I have my own problems, but it's mainly not being the smartest person in the world. I developed severe facial burns since I've been with him, and it's really bad deep scarring I'm trying to heal. I thought it was skin cancer and still haven't gotten it tested yet just because I'm scared. So my esteem is terrible yes, but I just love him in my heart & am running out of ideas how to help him, since he sees me through my face burns.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Go to the top, on the right will be your avatar. Click on it and select 'Conversations'.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Again, you can't help him. Take it from someone who wasted years trying to get an alcoholic husband to see the light and seek sobriety. Your husband is not treating you with respect. You deserve to be treated right. Your husband knows you have low self esteem and rather than build you up,he chooses to tear you down. I fail to see what there is to love about someone so insensitive and hurtful.


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## AmberNetworking (Apr 30, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> Again, you can't help him. Take it from someone who wasted years trying to get an alcoholic husband to see the light and seek sobriety. Your husband is not treating you with respect. You deserve to be treated right. Your husband knows you have low self esteem and rather than build you up,he chooses to tear you down. I fail to see what there is to love about someone so insensitive and hurtful.


Oh God, he does have alcohol problems too I try to help with him. He raised his daughters basically in the bar.(his daughter is actually a bartender now) I actually gave up on helping him with that. I tried but he would sneak it and come home with his face all messed up from the alcohol and breath stinks. I can live with that, that's his choice. He saved me when I was living in my car homeless because my boyfriend broke up with me years ago and I had nowhere to go so I feel like because he saved me & was there during that bad time, that I owe him because I would've died back then.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ok so a 47 year old man saw a young woman living in her car homeless and he saved you by trying to date you. That's actually more like manipulating you. You were in a vulnerable position and yeah he helped but he also took advantage of that too. You've given him all you 'owe' him and more. Time to move on. You have your whole life ahead of you and this shouldn't be it. Have you went to individual counseling? What do they say about how to handle his behavior?


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## AmberNetworking (Apr 30, 2020)

Bluearrowscollide said:


> Like it or not
> His personality is sounding a little vicious , but Weight gain can be a problem for people , regardless of the reason.
> Every person has a breaking point and for him to like you to be thinner is fine, we have a right to tell our partners we don't like something about the other , but we DO NOT have a right to make people feel bad about what we do not like about them.
> So, are you happy with your weight??.
> ...


I am trying to lose some weight, but everything got me so down. He thinks he can treat me like this dog:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

AmberNetworking said:


> Thank you for your ideas. It's been like this already for years. He has good qualities too, like he is smart, funny, handsome. It's just he has a really bad time "joking" with me. I knew what I was willing to commit to when I married him, but it's been hard lately with the coronavirus, my cats health, I'm out of the job until another week, & all it's never been this hard before, I just wish there was a way I could get him to stop calling me names.
> 
> This is going to sound even more terrible, but he has 2 daughters my age, both have a different mother & he actually calls them fat to their face too sometimes. I don't think they know how verbally abusive he is behind closed doors. They laugh but he is like that all the time. I.JUST WANT TO HELP HIM.but I still fail.
> He won't.go ton counseling I offered to pay for too. He goes out in public and yells at people in line in front of us like "If this fat piece of s would move" and it's so embarrassing.
> ...


He definitely isn't well and he is endangering himself and you by his behavior in public, not to mention his private abuse of you.

He is going to get beat up treating people like that.

He definitely needs professional mental health help.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

AmberNetworking said:


> He saved me when I was living in my car homeless because my boyfriend broke up with me years ago and I had nowhere to go so I feel like because he saved me & was there during that bad time, that I owe him because I would've died back then.


Because he helped you he gets to kick you down emotionally for the rest of your life? Oh honey 

Let me share something with you. Nine years ago I fell on hard times, I wasn't working, was trying to run a house, pay a mortgage on my own, and both my parents were in hospital. Like a knight in shining armour, I met this wonderful man who is now my husband. One day I literally ran out of money and food at the same time. He stepped right up and took over. Mum and dad fed my dogs, he fed me and paid my mortgage for a few weeks until I got work again. Mum and Dad used to joke that his horse must hungry, lol, the one he kept riding to my rescue on  Things turned around, we ended up moving in together a year later, and a year after that we got married. I don't know what would have become of me, had I not met him.

That does not give him the right to treat me badly though. Oh hell no. Our friends tell me that he talks about nothing else but me, and that they can see how happy I make him and how loved he feels. It goes both ways sweetheart, please don't let this pig demean you, walk away now. There is NO excuse for what he's doing and you do NOT owe him a lifetime of abuse for helping you.


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> Divorce him. There is nothing you can do that will make him love you, or treat you better. He is a terrible person, and it doesn’t matter how perfect you are, he will always treat you like crap and he’s because Of WHO he is.
> 
> Don’t for one second think his behavior has anything to do with you. It doesn’t. He is the problem and he will never change. Divorce him and find someone who will treat you like a queen because that’s what everyone deserves.


totally agree. Abusive narcissistic traits ! The man will never be happy in himself that’s why he attacks othersto try make himself feel More superior & protect his own insecurities Divorce and live a new life and on day meet a man who will adore her for what she is!


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

AmberNetworking said:


> Oh God, he does have alcohol problems too I try to help with him. He raised his daughters basically in the bar.(his daughter is actually a bartender now) I actually gave up on helping him with that. I tried but he would sneak it and come home with his face all messed up from the alcohol and breath stinks. I can live with that, that's his choice.


Yes it's his choice. No, you don't have to stay with it. 

How did you end up homeless?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AmberNetworking said:


> He said yesterday he will divorce me if I get to 150 lbs.


Well then, you better tuck into those poptarts, honey! 

Or just pack up and head out.


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## mrs brady (May 3, 2020)

My husband called me fat this morning too. Sorry that is not very nice of your husband or mine. 5 3 and 142 is good. I dont think men should talk to us about our weight. 
My husband has issues and it sounds like your does also. We both need to divorce them and take away their power


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@AmberNetworking, you are worth so much more than this vile abusive man you call a husband. He sounds like a terrible person. Divorce him on the spot. He is 50 and you cannot make an old dog change his spots. What you can do is work on yourself, your self esteem, your skills to get a better job, etc.
You mention face burns, what does this mean, from the sun? Please explain


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

AmberNetworking said:


> I just wish there was a way I could get him to stop calling me names.


There is - DIVORCE.



AmberNetworking said:


> There's got to be to a method to use to stop him from making me so upset. I try to.ignore it but it's hard. I just want to.work through it but I'm out of ideas.


Again, there is a method - DIVORCE.



AmberNetworking said:


> Because I have my own problems, but it's mainly not being the smartest person in the world. I developed severe facial burns since I've been with him, and it's really bad deep scarring I'm trying to heal. I thought it was skin cancer and still haven't gotten it tested yet just because I'm scared. So my esteem is terrible yes, but I just love him in my heart & am running out of ideas how to help him, since he sees me through my face burns.


Oh sweetheart  This breaks my heart. This explains why you stay, because you don't think anyone else will want you. Honey, I promise you, that's just not true. 

Please leave this louse of a "man" before he completely destroys you xx


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

AmberNetworking said:


> Today, I go and eat one poptart (which is the most I've eaten in 3 days because I'm so depressed) and he goes on the treadmill and starts calling me fat, and told me to stop eating the poptart. He said yesterday *he will divorce me if I get to 150 lbs.*
> 
> HOW DO I GET HIM TO STOP CALLING ME FAT


Darling girl, send me your address and I will send you a pallet each of lamingtons, burgers and pop tarts. Lets get you to that lucky 150 pounds as quick as we can.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@AmberNetworking Just le to him. Tell him you have already reached 150 pounds and demand he starts the divorce

I just checked and in UK terms, 150 pounds is 10.7143 stones. And that's not really all that heavy.

Oh! I get it! Your husband doesn't want a woman he wants one of these?










Then you should direct him to a pet shop.


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

What some men call fat and ugly, others will see it as curvy and sexy. I’ve seen guys like your husband throughout my 69 years on this planet and unfortunately an asshole is an asshole no matter how you try and paint them.
do you have children with him? It doesn’t sound like it. Love? I don’t know, I think perhaps you might be in love with the thought of being in love with your KISA.
It sounds like you are caught up in his actions and are defending him to some degree. I agree with many of the other posters and run don’t walk from him, I bet your face clears up as well. Get out, see a doctor, see a counsellor for Yourself. you will be ok.

wishing you the best.

OT


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

How much does your husband weigh?
Tell him that you are willing to go on a diet and lose *___* pounds (Insert husband's weight.)
Tell him it starts today, as you serve him with divorce paperwork.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

mrs brady said:


> I dont think men should talk to us about our weight.


Perhaps it's not what, but HOW the topic is brought up. Saying 'Hey babe, you're fat, lose some weight' is disrespectful, selfish, and inconsiderate. However, if one was to say 'Sweety, we need to have a talk, I am a little worried about you and your health at present. Would you consider doing XYZ with me?' or something along those lines... 

Delivery is everything, and having a mature discussion about it is the only way to get something constructive out of it.

In the OP's case, it would seem that the husband is not capable of this. At least OP knows now, rather than years down the track...


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

This is what you do, you divorce him. The grounds are mental cruelty. Use your cell phone to record him verbally abusing you. Then you find a shark lawyer, and take this useless POS for as much as you possibly can. You are a young woman, what are you doing with this OLD MAN? Get out and find someone who will not abuse yo
I do not understand how anyone would take abuse like this 150lb @ 5'3" is not that bad. That, is likely the definition of curvy. No, if he persists with the weight, then point out that he is old with wrinkly balls (thank you Adam Sandler)


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

He doesn't need your help, he is happy as he is.

You need your help. Take care of yourself, keep your head up. 

I wonder if she is still following, she hasn't been here for a month now.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Divorce him. How you feel about him aside, this just isn't healthy for you.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Luminous said:


> In the OP's case, it would seem that the husband is not capable of this. At least OP knows now, rather than years down the track...


Agreed... there's nothing wrong with encouraging or highlighting that some lifestyle changes could be made... but this is more than that. It's the overarching themes of behavior that sound repulsive.


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