# My boyfriend cheated on meand it completely destroyed me...but i said i forgave him..



## michellep1783 (Jul 9, 2008)

Hello, 

My name is Michelle and well my boyfriend completely destroyed me when i found he cheated on. We have been together on and off for 5 years...3 years overall minus the off parts. He has never ever cheated or lied to me in the past. But i found out because i found text messages in his phone back and forth from her and him talking about how she should have taken his "one time offer" because she is so horny for him.. he responded with "thats not fair" she said she misses how he feels next to her and inside her and he said he does too!! i got so sick i threw up in the bathroom while he was showering and i threw the phone at face. I moved down to Arizona to be with him.. left everything i had back home in seattle because we finally just wanted to be together and build our future. and he does this!.... he kept lying saying its not how it looks... so i just stormed out and i actually called her because i remembered the number and she told me everything... but she and him dated in between our break up. 

She said all these things and finally said they slept together one day after work.... i came back home and he was so confused and i asked him again and again and he said she is nuts and she is just trying to ruin our relationship. i said i saw the text messages!!! im not stupid. and he would not admit to me he slept with her until 1:30 am... after fighting and arguing all day and night... i was crying so hard i popped a blood vessel in my eye and ugh i was a complete mess. i would never in a million years think he out of all people would do this to me!

All his friend were completely shocked at him and sooooooooooo angry because they knew her and all said she was some crazy unbalanced woman and they are complete aw strucked at his behavior. Considering how he always talks about me and us and all that. 

He kept crying and crying and crying and said he would do aything in the world to take it all back and he was just trying to keep her quiet about the whole thing so that is why is responded to her to tell her what she wants... but i dont know i mean he had sex wit h her!!! how can he come to me and and sleep with me and wake up with me and tell me he loved me everyday knowing what he did! and i am a pretty damngood girlfriend.... i always no matter how bad or hard the truth was i always told him the god honest truth about everything. 

he said he hit complete rock bottom and he swears she meant nothing at all adn she even told me he always talke about me and that he treated her poorly... so i dont get it then??? she is a digusting ***** and i have no respect for women who knowing sleep with men who are in relationships! and i told her that to her face... god i am just sooooooooo angry!!!i mean i just dont understand why...thats whats killing me inside. it was even while i was in seattle before i came down!! and it all continued right in front of me and i just feel so stupid and so humiliated because itake such pride in being a strong witty and intuitive woman...i dont know... i want everything to go away but he lied so much and so well ..... i know it happened only once (the actual sex act) but the texts and the lunch meetings that she said they had to talk about ME!! It makes me sick..... he cried his eyes out and begged me to give him a chance and will forever regret the hurt he caused.. but that he still loves me and was just confused because when i left him the first time i really hurt nd he doent and cant explain why he did what he did but that it was selfish and he just wasnt thinking..... i dont know... i am trying to forgive and give it time... but then i find out she lives 5 minutes away from our house!! and works at the same company as him but yet a differend building in a different city part... ugh!!!!!!

and i just still dont know wheather to believe him or her on when i happened not that that matters because it still happened. i mean he talke and texted her all the time minues the 2 weeks they said they didnt but who cares.... i just dont understand how someone of suchlow importance to him and who is a completel mental case and a ***** (oh yes she cheated on her husband with myboyfriend and thats how they got together... she divorced her hubby after that!!!)....but how can you even thinkit was even semi ok to do what with her and to lie and betray and dceive someone he is supposedly so in love with?? he and i were sooooooooooo in love and just and unbelievable couple who only had amazing future plans and more love to give!! everything in our sex life was awesome!! and emotional and everything!! and it was all a lie it seems like! i mean i have never felt so dirty and degraded and i didnt even do anything.

it makes me mad that he still won in the end and i feel like h got off easy because am still her.. i told him all this and he starts to cry and he gets sick to his stomach knowing how much i hurt (lieterally my heart and stomach hurt everyday)...so heknows all this and he feels horrible an knows what he did, but what if it is only because he got caught?

i think i am angry because he stil got me and just got rid of her. he got the easy way out... an i am still hurting so much and feel so much pan and cry everyday becausei just cant get all the lies anoughts of him and her out of my head. to hink he had his stupid affair and had fun with her and smile and laughed and was naked with her and held hands with her and the fact that he could even get aroused enough with her to sleep with her?? what about me??? how can he not even think about me?? but then use her shower and come home to me???? please if anyone can hlep me..... i am going crazy and i have no idea what to do 

we talk everyday about this and maybe counseling will help but i dont know.. i mean i have never gone through this before and i am so lost.

Michelle


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Michelle you never realized he did this before at this level. It is possible he didn't. However by the fact you two have spent almost as much time apart as togeher it really says something about your relationship.

The question is why do you keep going back to him?

draconis


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## matecheck (Feb 9, 2009)

michellep1783 said:


> Hello,
> 
> My name is Michelle and well my boyfriend completely destroyed me when i found he cheated on. We have been together on and off for 5 years...3 years overall minus the off parts. He has never ever cheated or lied to me in the past. But i found out because i found text messages in his phone back and forth from her and him talking about how she should have taken his "one time offer" because she is so horny for him.. he responded with "thats not fair" she said she misses how he feels next to her and inside her and he said he does too!! i got so sick i threw up in the bathroom while he was showering and i threw the phone at face. I moved down to Arizona to be with him.. left everything i had back home in seattle because we finally just wanted to be together and build our future. and he does this!.... he kept lying saying its not how it looks... so i just stormed out and i actually called her because i remembered the number and she told me everything... but she and him dated in between our break up.
> 
> ...


I run a private investigation company in Arizona who is filming a reality show in Arizona for Fox Reality. This could help your situation. We send in a undercover female or male investigator to try to pick up on your significant other and see if he/she would cheat given the opportunity plus we find out all kinds of information right from them directly by having the Decoy ask certain questions. You would get paid to be on the show and get a free investigation. If you are interested please call Tom at 480-391-1010 and I can explain further.


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## matecheck (Feb 9, 2009)

I run a private investigation company in Arizona who is filming a reality show in Arizona for Fox Reality. This could help your situation. We send in a undercover female or male investigator to try to pick up on your significant other and see if he/she would cheat given the opportunity plus we find out all kinds of information right from them directly by having the Decoy ask certain questions. You would get paid to be on the show and get a free investigation. If you are interested please call Tom at 480-391-1010 and I can explain further.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

michellep1783 said:


> it makes me mad that he still won in the end and i feel like h got off easy because am still her.. i told him all this and he starts to cry and he gets sick to his stomach knowing how much i hurt (lieterally my heart and stomach hurt everyday)...so heknows all this and he feels horrible an knows what he did, but what if it is only because he got caught?
> 
> i think i am angry because he stil got me and just got rid of her. he got the easy way out... an i am still hurting so much and feel so much pan and cry everyday becausei just cant get all the lies anoughts of him and her out of my head. to hink he had his stupid affair and had fun with her and smile and laughed and was naked with her and held hands with her and the fact that he could even get aroused enough with her to sleep with her?? what about me??? how can he not even think about me?? but then use her shower and come home to me???? please if anyone can hlep me..... i am going crazy and i have no idea what to do
> 
> ...


Everyone here knows me. And that I am not an advocate for the cheater. But if was once. And he has shown contrition. And is obviously sorry and has physical effects from it. He did not get away with it. You need to look at the facts.

1. He cheated
2. He was caught
3. He is sorry
4. It's up to you.

You can forgive him. It is a choice. The road you're going down ends in bitterness and break-up. You have to decide......stay or go. This is your decision to make. If you continue to think "he got away with something" You will end up apart. That's fine if that is what you choose. However if you want to stay together (again your choice), to continue with this train of thought will destroy any chance for happiness with him. YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS SORROW OVER THIS. If it is true, and you continue to punish him he will despair, shut down and let his love die. A person can only maintain severe guilt for so long (there will always be guilt). He will end up saying "she is happier without me. What's the point". The point is if you continue there is the chance of a revenge affair. Maybe not now, but when you meet some other incredible person. You may feel the chance at revenge. Which will also destroy your relationship. All this is up to you. Dump him. Or really forgive him and be the kind of person that requires. But don't continue to torture yourself and him. You will only be left with ashes.


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## T-Dub (Feb 2, 2009)

Its hard to forgive and forget. Once that trust is broken its hard to get back.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

do you think he is so sorry b/c he got caught? had he not gotten caught he would still be talking to her...i feel for you in this situation. you won't be able to just trust him automatically...may be totally disgusted with him right now. I would be too. You have to decide if he is worth the heartache and the pain and decide if you want to try to move on. But you probably won't ever trust him again.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Were you guys together or apart at that point?


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