# Lost and alone



## Shannon71 (Jul 14, 2013)

Have been married for 9 years, together for 11 and husband left 5 nights ago. We have been having some issues since our son was born 2 1/2 years ago. It was a difficult and emotional pregnancy followed by myself becoming depressed and having severe anxiety and letting it go untreated for over a year. We grew apart and there was no intimacy in our marriage for 8 months due to my depression and his new work hours. We had a falling out 6 months ago in January due to my anxiety and fear of losing him, where he said he was not happy and was not in love with me. We attended marriage counseling twice and I have been attending individual therapy regularly with medication. We did well for about 6 weeks when he again said he was unhappy and wanted to leave. I turned into the husband stalker and was hacking into his emails and phone. And was texting him and telling him I loved 1,000 times a day. We had become intimate again, but I wanted way too much and he said I was smothering him. We just returned from a vacation to visit his family and while looking through pictures of our vacation on his phone I came across a secret app with messages to a woman. They were work related but ended with "I love you". When I confronted him, he said she was just a friend. Now he is staying at said "friend's" house on the "couch". He says he loves me but he is "not happy". He has come home almost daily to see our son, we eat dinner together, and have even gone out to dinner and for family activities. I have an appointment with a family counselor and he said if I wanted him to he would go also, after my first appointment. I am devastated and continue to push him away with my tears and pleading and angry accusations. Please give me some advice, I truly do love him! Our wedding bands say "mo Anam cara" which translates to "my soul mate" in Gaelic.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Sorry he is cheating.

Find the 180 and detach.

Stop texting him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I have to agree with GP. Last April I had a bad feeling my stbxh was cheating. There was no intimacy at all - it just stopped. I asked him all the time ( it lasted for 6 weeks) and he told me he wasn't cheating. He saw me getting physically ill - I'm assuming that's why he didn't tell me then - he chickened out. 6 weeks later things went back to normal. On January 2nd of this year he left with really no warning. He moved directly in with the ow - turns out hes known her for 20 years - they used to work together.

I know this is a lot to take in at once but this "friend" is not a friend. You need to stop texting - pleading & accusing. Even if he stays with you he will continue his affair with her and will leave eventually anyway. Do what GP is suggesting. 
Some people on here will also give you advice on exposing the affair - listen to them. Take care of yourself & your baby.


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

Hi Shannon,
The behavior you describe sounds familiar to me from stories I hear in a 12-step recovery program I attend. It's called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Your initial reaction might be that you're not an addict, but you might check out a book called "Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody. The good news is that there is every hope of recovery if you are able to be honest with yourself and do a lot of hard work.

Wishing you peace and happiness...

PS I don't mean to sound like I'm diagnosing...just suggesting a direction of possible help.

Peace out.


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## Shannon71 (Jul 14, 2013)

Went to the family Counselor by myself yesterday. Absent hubby came to watch our son. He agreed to go to counseling by himself next week, followed by both of us together. I told him some of what she said and he said it makes sense. I asked him if he had any hope yet, he didn't answer. He hugged me and kissed me goodbye, then left. I thought that was a pretty positive morning...until I went to hang my purse in the closet. While I was gone he took all of his shoes, all of his work shirts and a bunch of miscellaneous clothes. He also took the rest of his bathroom items, all 3 weeks worth left of his contact lenses, and all of his medications. I have not asked him about any of this, but he is toying with me at this point. Why is he agreeing to counseling? He wants to take our son out, but I'm afraid to let him take him out of the house. He is coming to have dinner with us tomorrow which is also very painful as he kisses us goodnight, then leaves again. This is my 8th night without him.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

You're well on the way to firmly establishing yourself as Plan B while he bangs Plan A.


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

Yeah, you need to start working on you and focusing on your child. Don't be a plan B. Hugs.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

The disappearing things is a telltale sign. I realized stuff was starting to go missing between Christmas & new years. We bought him a blanket with a picture of the family dog - he said he was taking it to his new office. He suddenly needed his birth certificate for the new job but I had already done all his paperwork for him 2 weeks before. He told me he needed it for something else at work. He kept taking his coats & jackets out of the house but they never came back in. Heck he used to accuse me of losing his clothes when I washed them & then they would miraculously show up in his car. He would say they dropped out of his gym bag. The day he left I noticed his old I phone that he used as a I touch was missing off the nightstand. That's when I realized something was going on - the thing never left the house. That night when he called to tell me he was on his way home & we needed to talk - could I meet him in the car I kind of knew what was coming but refused to believe it. Please start to worry about yourself & your child. Its time for you to do that now.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

If it was me - no I would not let him take your child out of the house by himself. He can visit at your place. Hes being sneaky and you CAN NOT trust him!!


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