# Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

My fiance is bisexual and he's very bisexual. Before me he had a relationship with a man for 2 years. And we've been together less than 3 years. He does prefer men I knew this from the start. But we have a great relationship and a great sex life. Plus it doesn't bother me I find gay sex a turn on. I used to want actually to do a thresome before we settled down but he was always against it. We make it work and we're both very open minded. We are planing on getting married in the summer and I'm expecting our first child together in September. My family is homophobic. And my fiance seems to be stereotypically homosexual in how he acts. So they've always thought he was "gay". Now the thing is my fiance's ex boyfriend was married. And had a family and they ended up divorcing. In the process. Both his exwife and brother outed him to like friend and both of our families out of clear vengeance. There's actual evidence other than hearsay. Now I don't want him to come out as my family won't take it well. And if its just denial it looks just like that. Like he's gay but in denial. And I don't want to act like I didn't know all this time because that says a lot about our relationship etc... But my family acts like bisexuality doesn't exist. So what do you think we should do? Advice?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

To those that don't care about the distinction, bi _is_ gay. Whether they're right or wrong is -- and will remain -- a matter of perspective.

Doesn't really matter either way.

What's way more alarming is that you'd actually consider marrying (or even dating) someone that carried on a relationship with a married man (or woman).

But then if you don't require or expect him to remain faithful then there's really no problem.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I don't think you should tell your family. It would only introduce a lot of problems into your relationship.

How often do the two of you see your family?

I would be more concern about the affair he had with a married man. It seems that he does not take marriage all that seriously. He is very likely to cheat on you. If he will do it to someone else, he'll do it to you.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> To those that don't care about the distinction, bi _is_ gay. Whether they're right or wrong is -- and will remain -- a matter of perspective.
> 
> Doesn't really matter either way.
> 
> ...


Well we actually are a monogamous couple and bi is straight too if its gay. We enjoy each other's company. We enjoy each other's personality and physically etc.... He's not gay completely as that's why we've been together almost 3 years. And I honestly enjoy our sex life more than I have with any straight guy I've ever been with. So he's clearly not gay.

He was open and honest about our last relationship and he was actually underage for our laws in Nevada. Homosexual relationships you can't consent to until you're 18. He was 16 when it started and he was really tricked into thinking that this guy was really going to commit to him when all he really did was use him for sex. They broke up when he was 18 and we started dating shortly after and I forgave him for that as it appears he learned his lesson. He was young and made a mistake. He righted it by moving on.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I don't think you should tell your family. It would only introduce a lot of problems into your relationship.
> 
> How often do the two of you see your family?
> 
> I would be more concern about the affair he had with a married man. It seems that he does not take marriage all that seriously. He is very likely to cheat on you. If he will do it to someone else, he'll do it to you.


I'm close to my sister. We talk everyday but not much of anyone else do I talk to. I think coming clean and him comic out as bisexual that my family wouldn't understand it. My fiance wants to just be honest and let things be however they may be but I think it'll cause more harm than good.

Well he's never cheated on anyone I don't gink. Hes always been open about his past. He didn't keep any secret so I do trust him.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm close to my sister. We talk everyday but not much of anyone else do I talk to. I think coming clean and him comic out as bisexual that my family wouldn't understand it. My fiance wants to just be honest and let things be however they may be but I think it'll cause more harm than good.
> 
> Well he's never cheated on anyone I don't gink. Hes always been open about his past. He didn't keep any secret so I do trust him.


How old are you and he now?

So he was a 16 year old being used sexually by an adult male. Legally that's called rape.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How old are you and he now?
> 
> So he was a 16 year old being used sexually by an adult male. Legally that's called rape.


I'm 21 he's 20 soon to be 21.

In Nevada consent is at 16. For females but for homosexual relationships its at 18. So technically it wasn't legal. If he were female it would have been. So from my understanding he didn't feel he was raped. Considering they were involved even when he was 18. Either way the relationship was inappropriate and wrong. And not something he'd normally do nowadays.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm 21 he's 20 soon to be 21.
> 
> In Nevada consent is at 16. For females but for homosexual relationships its at 18. So technically it wasn't legal. If he were female it would have been. So from my understanding he didn't feel he was raped. Considering they were involved even when he was 18. Either way the relationship was inappropriate and wrong. And not something he'd normally do nowadays.


You are awfully young for this kind of relationship.

I dated a woman who was bisexual. She dumped me for a woman.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> You are awfully young for this kind of relationship.
> 
> I dated a woman who was bisexual. She dumped me for a woman.


The foundation of our relationship built on honesty open ness and communication. If he wasn't happy with being with me that would benefit us both IMO. Because I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who is miserable.


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Was he tested for STD's before you slept with him?

What would be the point in telling your family? especially knowing their feelings.

do you trust him hundred percent to not sleep with a man while you are together? I would be hard pressed in thinking he could just be faithful to a woman when he likes men as well.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Was his first sexual partner a man or a woman?

I don't think you should tell your family. One thing about setting healthy boundaries is knowing who we can trust with information that can hurt us.

Some people are against homosexual and/or bisexual behavior and those who practice those behaviors are considered to be bad people and are treated as if they were bad people. Some people are again homosexual and/or bisexual behavior, but don't treat people who practice those things any differently than they do other people. They consider it wrong, but they don't think of the people who did it as bad. (We already know that your family is not of the group who thinks it's perfectly normal and healthy to be homosexual/bisexual, so no point in discussing that situation.)

If your family is of the first group, telling them would not be safe for you or your fiance if you want to have a positive relationship with your family. If your family is of the second group, you would be more likely to be able to have a positive healthy relationship with your family. In the second group, it depends on whether your family would think it would be unhealthy for you to be with him or if they would honor your choice. If they won't honor your choice to do something they are strong opposed to, telling them would not be safe for you or your fiancee.

You believe that your fiancee will be faithful to you, that he loves you, and that he is satisfied with you. If that is the case, then there is no reason to let anyone know about his past as it does not matter in the present. He is living in a hetrosexual, monogamous relationship with you and plans to make that permanent in the form of a marriage. For all intents and purposes, he is now hetrosexual, so what does it matter what he did in the past.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you and your fiancé are getting married, why does it even matter if he is bisexual? He would be in a monogamous relationship with you. He will not be having sex with men. Right?

So he will be living as a heterosexual.

Your fiancé is young and naïve. This is going beyond being honest. It is not the business of anyone outside your marriage what his sexual orientation is.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Lostme said:


> Was he tested for STD's before you slept with him?
> 
> What would be the point in telling your family? especially knowing their feelings.
> 
> do you trust him hundred percent to not sleep with a man while you are together? I would be hard pressed in thinking he could just be faithful to a woman when he likes men as well.


STD's.

This is a big issue. Some gay males often have had hundreds of partners.

Your fiancee had one bi/gay partner. His married bi-sexual AP may have had ten bi/gay lovers and just one of those men could have had hundreds.

When you have sex with a gay man you potentially are sleeping with the viral remnants of hundreds, if not thousands of other men.

You get the picture?


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife is bisexual and repressed it for a very long time. In our day when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, no one accepted bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation, not even the LGBT groups. Some still do not. If you were bisexual you would be labeled and treated as either gay or a lesbian. In my day that meant being disowned by family and friends. It could even mean losing your job and being beat up or killed. There was zero tolerance and much hatred before most here were born. My wife's best friend/lover of 30 years is also bi but never let it show. They were best friends since their early teens and were frightened to tell each other until their twenties.

First off, bi woman have it much easier than bi guys. No one buys a guy a drink if he makes out with another guy and feels his breasts. If guys hugged each other, kiss hello or goodbye, held hands, dirty danced together and introduced their friend as their boyfriend, they would be thought to be gay, not bi. Some gay guys do claim to be bi and I have known a few. They all eventually ran off with male lovers after marrying and having a few kids. My godfather ran off with his male lover when he was in his 40's and all the woman in our family thought he was sexy, as did his wife who bragged about him. 

For my wife it was easy. She could dirty dance with her girlfriend, hold her hand, kiss her hello or goodbye, hug her and more, without anyone thinking anything about it. She just introduced her girlfriend as her girlfriend. If a guy introduced his male friend as his boyfriend, it screams gay. No one ever questioned why my wife's best friend had her own room in our home and seemed to always be visiting us when they came to see us. Try that with a guy and it will not fly. Life is not fair that way.

My two ladies felt no need to gain acceptance from family or friends. They did not need validation or feel that they were living a lie. They just felt that only those with a need to know, should know. If someone asked, they would have answered them truthfully but no one even did. Perhaps some suspected but we never found out about it. They did not have to hide much and no one but people we had sex with were in our bedroom so why bring drama into their lives when they were not restricted from living it the way they wanted to. We had a lesbian couple as friends in one place we lived in. They never told us they were lesbians in all of the 11 years we knew them. We assumed and eventually found out because one of them was on the radio talking about gay rights. They were able to live together in the same house, go out together and no one in the neighborhood ever said a thing about them. Not telling anyone did not interfere with their life.

Aside from not feeling a need to broadcast their sexuality, we moved away from our families. Only saw them on xmas most times. Each time we moved it was like starting our lives all over again. Both our our families would have disowned us. Me too since I had sex with two guys in my younger days, just to experience it. Liked the orgasms but no attraction to men unless surrounded by women and a lot of drinks in me. We lived life as a poly triad for 30 years. When our girlfriend wanted to get married for financial security and to have her own home and family, she went online and found a guy who was OK with her splitting her time between him and us. She found a way to make it work. We found a way to make it work. If we did not fit in where we were, we found someplace where we did fit in.

You face a much, much harder road and need to be sure he is really bi. I have know gay guys who cling to being bi because they are fooling themselves. If he acts stereotypically gay, you better make sure. I can think of 4 marriages with kids that ended when the husband finally realized he was gay and not bi. Even if he is bi, it is still going to be rough going unless you only tell those with a need to know and if that is not possible, do what we did and find a little slice of happiness in this prejudiced world and cling to it for as long as you can. Good luck. My wife prefers sex with women but has very intense orgasms with me too. However, she does not want to marry a woman, romance her or even date her. She just likes having sex with them. For all else she only wants me, with sex of course and she always included me when she had sex with her girlfriend, who also became my lover too. We lived in what is called a poly triad. Often it is FFM but a good number are also MMF. It works best if all three of you love one another or else you run into all sorts of jealousy provoking situations. Make it work. It can be done.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> To those that don't care about the distinction, bi _is_ gay. Whether they're right or wrong is -- and will remain -- a matter of perspective.
> 
> Doesn't really matter either way.
> 
> ...


 My thoughts exactly. He aided in causing the destruction of a marriage and caused the children to have a broken home. You are portraying the mans wife as being the bad one, she was deeply hurt and betrayed, poor thing. :frown2:
A man who acts that way wouldn't be one I wanted to marry. Where is his integrity?His sense of decency?


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The same argument holds for straight people as well. A partner of a partner could have had lots of other partners. Nothing special here about being gay.




SunCMars said:


> STD's.
> 
> This is a big issue. Some gay males often have had hundreds of partners.
> 
> ...


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Lostme said:


> Was he tested for STD's before you slept with him?
> 
> What would be the point in telling your family? especially knowing their feelings.
> 
> do you trust him hundred percent to not sleep with a man while you are together? I would be hard pressed in thinking he could just be faithful to a woman when he likes men as well.


He was actually a virgin before we had sex. I was not. But I regularly check for STDs. Just because he's bisexual doesn't mean he's promiscuous. He's been with less people than I have.

I definitely trust him. I have no reason not to he's been an open book to me from the very start. He's attracted to men but I do r really cafe his orientation includes an attraction to someone like myself.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP. I don't think you need to tell your family - or specifically hide it from them. Your and your husband's sexual interests are your own private business. There is no more need to tell them that he is also attracted to men than to tell them that one of you likes being spanked. 

The only point of concern is your comment that he was *more* interested in men than in women. Are you sure that won't be a problem? 

Otherwise its all good, I wish you a long and happy marriage.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> The same argument holds for straight people as well. A partner of a partner could have had lots of other partners. Nothing special here about being gay.


Not really true. Read the stats on gay sexual activity.

This is not one of those issues that I am overly concerned with....just as it relates to the spread of AIDS. Such a tragic disease.

People can live life any way that suits them. As long as it is legal.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Now the thing is my fiance's ex boyfriend was married. And had a family and they ended up divorcing. In the process. Both his exwife and brother outed him to like friend and both of *our families *out of clear vengeance. There's actual evidence other than hearsay.


Our families? Is that a mistake? Because from what you wrote, it sounds like his exwife & brother outed him to your family and his family. Please clarify.

Also, just to clarify for you. It is normal to out a cheating spouse to family and friends. Anyone who cheats can pretty much expect that to happen. It's also normal to out the affair partner to everyone. 

I don't blame his exwife for doing that. Both the man who cheated and the person he had an affair with deserve to have their cheating outed. 

The only issue in the case of your fiancé is that he was an underage person taken advantage of by an adult male. How old was the man he had an affair with?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> He was actually a virgin before we had sex. I was not. But I regularly check for STDs. Just because he's bisexual doesn't mean he's promiscuous. He's been with less people than I have.
> 
> I definitely trust him. I have no reason not to he's been an open book to me from the very start. He's attracted to men but I do *r really cafe his orientation *includes an attraction to someone like myself.


If he had an affair with a married man, how could he have been a virgin before you two had sex? That makes no sense at all.

Also, the bolded/underlined part makes no sense at all. Could you please correct that or explain it.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> If you and your fiancé are getting married, why does it even matter if he is bisexual? He would be in a monogamous relationship with you. He will not be having sex with men. Right?
> 
> So he will be living as a heterosexual.
> 
> Your fiancé is young and naïve. This is going beyond being honest. It is not the business of anyone outside your marriage what his sexual orientation is.


I hope you are correct. 

This comes across to me as a risky marriage.

He is, at minimum, psychologically "wounded?' or, at minimum, "confused" about his sexuality. *Not so*. OP says he presents himself as would a gay male.

I agree, it is her life, her choice and her risk to take this man into her life.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Vinnydee said:


> My wife is bisexual and repressed it for a very long time. In our day when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, no one accepted bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation, not even the LGBT groups. Some still do not. If you were bisexual you would be labeled and treated as either gay or a lesbian. In my day that meant being disowned by family and friends. It could even mean losing your job and being beat up or killed. There was zero tolerance and much hatred before most here were born. My wife's best friend/lover of 30 years is also bi but never let it show. They were best friends since their early teens and were frightened to tell each other until their twenties.
> 
> First off, bi woman have it much easier than bi guys. No one buys a guy a drink if he makes out with another guy and feels his breasts. If guys hugged each other, kiss hello or goodbye, held hands, dirty danced together and introduced their friend as their boyfriend, they would be thought to be gay, not bi. Some gay guys do claim to be bi and I have known a few. They all eventually ran off with male lovers after marrying and having a few kids. My godfather ran off with his male lover when he was in his 40's and all the woman in our family thought he was sexy, as did his wife who bragged about him.
> 
> ...





Yeah we're in a monogamous relationship even though its a fantasy of mine to be poly or mmf. But its nor his. He's very monogamous. Has never wanted to do a threesomes with me because we're in a serious relationship. So we wouldn't likely have an open marriage as nice as it could be. He's not into that type of thing.

And I know he's bisexual neither does he need to be with a man outside of our relationship. Etc... We as a relationship are good despite having different orientations. I'd say our relationship isn't any different from any straight guy I've been with besides wexually I feel actually more like we're on the same page as far as openness with to try much of anything I felt more restricted with other guys tbh.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> I hope you are correct.
> 
> This comes across to me as a risky marriage.
> 
> ...



I didn't say he says he's gay. He does not. He's identified as bisexual. He is not mentally wounded PR damaged. He's a great guy I'm proud to say is my fiance.



EleGirl said:


> If he had an affair with a married man, how could he have been a virgin before you two had sex? That makes no sense at all.
> 
> Also, the bolded/underlined part makes no sense at all. Could you please correct that or explain it.


To me frottage isn't exactly sex. Nor is oral sex. Etc.... One can have all sorts of sex without actually having intercourse.

I mistyped I meant I don't care his orientation includes attraction toward someone like me. That's all that matter.



EleGirl said:


> Our families? Is that a mistake? Because from what you wrote, it sounds like his exwife & brother outed him to your family and his family. Please clarify.
> 
> Also, just to clarify for you. It is normal to out a cheating spouse to family and friends. Anyone who cheats can pretty much expect that to happen. It's also normal to out the affair partner to everyone.
> 
> ...


My fiance never had an exwife his exbf's wife outed my fiance to friends and it got back to both our families. His mother actually thought he was gay and she accepts him and so it was probably less of an issue for his family and friends. Mine are much less forgiving and more close minded individuals.

This was like almost 3 years ago. I do find that a vengeful act IMO.



SunCMars said:


> Not really true. Read the stats on gay sexual activity.
> 
> This is not one of those issues that I am overly concerned with....just as it relates to the spread of AIDS. Such a tragic disease.
> 
> People can live life any way that suits them. As long as it is legal.


My fiance has only been with 2 people myself and the other guy so I don't think this really applies just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean they have diseases.



uhtred said:


> OP. I don't think you need to tell your family - or specifically hide it from them. Your and your husband's sexual interests are your own private business. There is no more need to tell them that he is also attracted to men than to tell them that one of you likes being spanked.
> 
> The only point of concern is your comment that he was *more* interested in men than in women. Are you sure that won't be a problem?
> 
> Otherwise its all good, I wish you a long and happy marriage.


Thanks. Yeah he finds more men attractive than women buy that's more a ratio type thing I'm one of those women he's attracted basically.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> My fiance is bisexual and he's very bisexual. Before me he had a relationship with a man for 2 years. And we've been together less than 3 years. He does prefer men I knew this from the start. But we have a great relationship and a great sex life. Plus it doesn't bother me I find gay sex a turn on. I used to want actually to do a thresome before we settled down but he was always against it. We make it work and we're both very open minded. We are planing on getting married in the summer and I'm expecting our first child together in September. My family is homophobic. And my fiance seems to be stereotypically homosexual in how he acts. So they've always thought he was "gay". Now the thing is my fiance's ex boyfriend was married. And had a family and they ended up divorcing. In the process. Both his exwife and brother outed him to like friend and both of our families out of clear vengeance. There's actual evidence other than hearsay. Now I don't want him to come out as my family won't take it well. And if its just denial it looks just like that. Like he's gay but in denial. And I don't want to act like I didn't know all this time because that says a lot about our relationship etc... But my family acts like bisexuality doesn't exist. So what do you think we should do? Advice?


If he is faithful and makes you a good match, nothing else matters.

Why would anyone else have any business with his sexual history besides you?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> To me frottage isn't exactly sex. Nor is oral sex. Etc.... One can have all sorts of sex without actually having intercourse.


Oral sex is calls "oral sex" because it is SEX. If it's penis in mouth, it's a form of intercourse. More importantly, STDs can be contracted via oral sex.



Maj1996 said:


> My fiance never had an exwife his exbf's wife outed my fiance to friends and it got back to both our families. His mother actually thought he was gay and she accepts him and so it was probably less of an issue for his family and friends. Mine are much less forgiving and more close minded individuals.


Yes, I get it, your fiancé was an affair partner to a married man. Your fiancé helped to destroy a marriage and the family life of some children. I get that.



Maj1996 said:


> This was like almost 3 years ago. I do find that a vengeful act IMO.


The affair is far more vengeful than the ex outing them. 



Maj1996 said:


> My fiance has only been with 2 people myself and the other guy so I don't think this really applies just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean they have diseases.


You are right that being bi-sexual does not mean that someone has an STD. However, the more sexual partners a person has had, the more likely that they have at least one STD. When a person has sex with someone, they are also exposed to any STDs passed on by all that person's previous sexual partners. A person can have sex once and get an STD.




Maj1996 said:


> Thanks. Yeah he finds more men attractive than women buy that's more a ratio type thing I'm one of those women he's attracted basically.


I would be interesting to talk to you in about 5-10 years.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

This is an interesting topic s I have come across this many times. I am going to sound like a dinosaur but what I say is based on experience - I have seen real bisexual women make relationships work and I believe that their sexuality was pretty fluid. I have a great many gay friends from all walks of life and cultures. I have NEVER seen a truly bisexual man. A great many of the gay friends I have started out thinking they were bisexual and with "great" relationships with girlfriends in some cases. Not one survived. They all eventually came out as gay as time went on.

You are being given very clear indications that this is the case with your "fiancé" and you are both quite young and inexperienced in this matter. You would be well advised to pay heed to what I am saying and do your own research. I am not saying that he is deceiving you - he probably doesn't know yet. If you had a threesome you might find out that you become the onlooker as he engages in what is his true sexuality. He has already told you that he prefers men. His first was a man (albeit a married man) which is where he may have had the idea that he too might be "bisexual".

There are a small number of hedonistic men who will literally **** anything that moves and they don't count. I have not seen a bisexual man that can carry on a long term relationship with a woman. At best it would be a sham or a lie in the long run.

That is just my findings especially with me witnessing the heartbreaking case of one of my childhood friends who broke his wife's heart and this was not the only case.

Be warned.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

That seems fine to me. I was worried that he generally preferred men and might be "settling" for other reasons. That can end badly regardless of orientations. As long as he is very attracted to you, that is great. 

I really don't know why some other posters seem concerned. It seems he's been open with you about his feelings and his actions and YOU are OK with that. That is what matters. 





Maj1996 said:


> snip
> 
> Thanks. Yeah he finds more men attractive than women buy that's more a ratio type thing I'm one of those women he's attracted basically.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> If he is faithful and makes you a good match, nothing else matters.
> 
> Why would anyone else have any business with his sexual history besides you?


Yeah really it doesn't but they will make it an issue that they need to advise me to not continue a relationship with him. Etc....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Yeah really it doesn't but they will make it an issue that they need to advise me to not continue a relationship with him. Etc....


Do you depend on your family in any way now? Or are you 100% independent financially and in every other way?


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Well loss of virginity is vaginal/penile sex for hetero sex and anal sex for homosexual sex IMO. Especially the first. On technical terms.



Well it wasn't mean to be IMO. If someone cheats on someone they're clearly not the ideal partner for that person they're cheating on. Plus he was actually treated badly by his ex. So I'd say he was wrong to everyone involved as it was his responsibility to be faithful not his 16 year old boyfriend's responsibility to keep him faithful. If it wasn't with him he'd probably had done it with someone else.

I'm pretty sure that's not why the affair took place.

Pretty sure he has less than your man or most men generally. So I'd say his risk has always been low and is why we've both been std free all our lives.


EleGirl said:


> Oral sex is calls "oral sex" because it is SEX. If it's penis in mouth, it's a form of intercourse. More importantly, STDs can be contracted via oral sex.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I cant wait in 5-10 years this will have to be behind us all.



uhtred said:


> That seems fine to me. I was worried that he generally preferred men and might be "settling" for other reasons. That can end badly regardless of orientations. As long as he is very attracted to you, that is great.
> 
> I really don't know why some other posters seem concerned. It seems he's been open with you about his feelings and his actions and YOU are OK with that. That is what matters.


No he's biromantic and homoflexible technically. Which means hes romantically attracted to both genders and is attracted to men and women but much more often men. And obviously he wasn't trying to settle down as a junior in high school. He just prefers men over women which I actually like because we sometimes watch stuff beforehand and we have similar interests in some materials. Etc... He is certainly attracted to men but also he likes some women too.

Yeah to me it doesn't impede in our relationship. So its not a problem. It has nothing to with the quality of our relationship and companionship. It has nothing to do with our future together or our future marriage. And it has nothing detrimental to do with out sex life oflr monogamy etc....



manfromlamancha said:


> This is an interesting topic s I have come across this many times. I am going to sound like a dinosaur but what I say is based on experience - I have seen real bisexual women make relationships work and I believe that their sexuality was pretty fluid. I have a great many gay friends from all walks of life and cultures. I have NEVER seen a truly bisexual man. A great many of the gay friends I have started out thinking they were bisexual and with "great" relationships with girlfriends in some cases. Not one survived. They all eventually came out as gay as time went on.
> 
> You are being given very clear indications that this is the case with your "fiancé" and you are both quite young and inexperienced in this matter. You would be well advised to pay heed to what I am saying and do your own research. I am not saying that he is deceiving you - he probably doesn't know yet. If you had a threesome you might find out that you become the onlooker as he engages in what is his true sexuality. He has already told you that he prefers men. His first was a man (albeit a married man) which is where he may have had the idea that he too might be "bisexual".
> 
> ...


Yeah this basically is the whole ignorant thought all women are bi and men are either straight or gay but not in between. I don't believe in that.

I have seen bisexual men who had monogamous relationships with women actually. But maybe because you're old all those gay people were just dealing with the lack of acceptance in their community. Your community that they needed to hide etc.... My fiance isn't in that type of environment. My family is just a little backwards. But most people aren't. Its much easier honestly to be gay than bisexual for men or women as they can be very misunderstood by a lot of people gay or straight. So saying someone is saying they are bi to be more acceptable is unrealistic because it tends to be less acceptable than being gay to many... There's a lot of stigma against as you have demonstrated.


Also added to that. I would love to do a threesome. I **** my fiance but it would be great to see another hot guy **** him. I have always had fantasies of sandwiches etc.... So no seeing that would just turn me on. Its like all the porn and wet dreams so to speak and fantasies co.ing to life. I'm actually the type that used to have two crushes and dream about them like having sex. Probably weird but that's just me. It wouldn't bother me to see him have sex with another man. But it would bother him he'd always been against a threesome because he thinks it would mess up the dynamics and the foundation of being monogamous. So we can't even do it like once. But yeah its not me holding him back. Its him. He knows I'm open to it and my opinion on it completely. So clearly if he were gay and had no interest in me he'd be ****ing around with guys any chance possible under the guise of threesomes. And secondarily how can someone who's gay like women seriously. Can you like women? If you only like guys? I know I can't. I couldn't marry a woman to supposedly hide. If you like men and only men you couldn't sustain a long term relationship with a woman. End of story. And you can't have a good sex life with a woman either because sex with a woman would be disgusting. That's how I think as a person who is only attracted to men and all.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Do you depend on your family in any way now? Or are you 100% independent financially and in every other way?


Yes I kind of do. But not completely we live somewhat tight sometimes and sometimes I ask for a little help his mom is way more generous and helpful though. He's closer to his mother than I am to my mom or dad. My dad is so ****ing traditional its annoying. And he's so simple minded not just with this. He's like a social conservative. In a dumb way IMO.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Well loss of virginity is vaginal/penile sex for hetero sex and anal sex for homosexual sex IMO. Especially the first. On technical terms.


This whole issue of ‘virginity’ came up in reference to STD testing. Germs, viruses, etc. do not care what definition humans give things. The fact is that STDs can be passed via oral sex, kissing, etc. 
Also, legally, oral sex is sexual penetration.




Maj1996 said:


> Well it wasn't mean to be IMO. If someone cheats on someone they're clearly not the ideal partner for that person they're cheating on. Plus he was actually treated badly by his ex. So I'd say he was wrong to everyone involved as it was his responsibility to be faithful not his 16 year old boyfriend's responsibility to keep him faithful. If it wasn't with him he'd probably had done it with someone else.


If you don’t think that cheating is mean, you have clearly not been cheated on and had your marriage and the lives of your children torn apart by it. I’m sure that the guy said that his wife was mean to him. Just about everyone who cheats says that. It helps them justify their cheating. Sure it was the responsibility of the married man to not cheat. But it is also the responsibility of the un-married affair partner to not engage in an affair with a married man/woman. 


Maj1996 said:


> I'm pretty sure that's not why the affair took place.


????????


Maj1996 said:


> Pretty sure he has less than your man or most men generally. So I'd say his risk has always been low and is why we've both been std free all our lives.


How do you know that the two of you are STD free? Have you both been tested?



Maj1996 said:


> I cant wait in 5-10 years this will have to be behind us all.


I did not say anything about you waiting 5-10 years for anything. I said that it will be interesting to talk to you in 5-10 years to see how things are going with you and your fiancé.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> My thoughts exactly. He aided in causing the destruction of a marriage and caused the children to have a broken home. You are portraying the mans wife as being the bad one, she was deeply hurt and betrayed, poor thing. :frown2:
> A man who acts that way wouldn't be one I wanted to marry. Where is his integrity?His sense of decency?


OK by that's the past. He's not with him anymore so it doesn't really matter.



SunCMars said:


> STD's.
> 
> This is a big issue. Some gay males often have had hundreds of partners.
> 
> ...


Well a straight guy who sleeps with a straight women sleeps with all the men she slept with which could be a hundred too. What's the point? Same picture.



EleGirl said:


> If you and your fiancé are getting married, why does it even matter if he is bisexual? He would be in a monogamous relationship with you. He will not be having sex with men. Right?
> 
> So he will be living as a heterosexual.
> 
> Your fiancé is young and naïve. This is going beyond being honest. It is not the business of anyone outside your marriage what his sexual orientation is.


No he doesn't wan to have sex with men. We are monogamous and that's all he wants. Its like my family ha mad it their issue even before it came out they have stereotypes of what a gay man acts like and how a straight man acts lime and apply those ignorant beliefs on my relationship with him. That never took our relationship seriously. And also acted like he'd come out eventually. Now that we plan o marry but this came out its made them more militant against our relationship.



CynthiaDe said:


> Was his first sexual partner a man or a woman?
> 
> I don't think you should tell your family. One thing about setting healthy boundaries is knowing who we can trust with information that can hurt us.
> 
> ...



Well yeah the only relationship he's been in outside of our relationship is the married man. So his first sexual relationship was with a guy. But the past really does not matter.

The ****tt side to this its already out there so its like I know its worst that they do know. But that's something I can't help neither of us can. I guess I'm just looking to see e what I can do to make the best of the situation overall.

They don't directly tell him he'd going to hell or that he should commit suicide but they do say stuff to me about how it's never going to work I should accept that hes gay he acts like hes gay so its a matter of time before he come out etc..... They're very negative and in general about homosexuality they encourage them to be clsered or not bring forth being gay so often etc.... Idk if that's more of the first or second group tbh.

That's what I tried to the past almost 3 years but that failed now that he was outed and I don't know quite how to respond to this new revelation for everyone else in my family and friendone etc....


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

I wasn't speaking in reference to STDs I just said he was a virgin as he hadn't had intercourse yet before me. And we've been tested neither have ever had an std ever.

I spelled this out poorly my bad. I meant to say well it wasn't meant to be. Not mean. And my fiance never talked about his ex's wife. I said his ex was pretty ****ty to both his wife and my fiance. He would tell him how much he loves and stuff and all that how he was going to leave his wife and they'd move in together and then totally ignore him for weeks. He would talk about being together for life and then totally ghost him. He basically used him for sex. And of course he was wrong for leaving his wife in the dark.y fiance has nothing to do with this woman marrying a guy that's practically scum. That's her bad luck and my fiance's for that matter. I don't think he owes her anything. I think of course the relationship was wrong. But hes Lear end from that mess.




EleGirl said:


> This whole issue of ‘virginity’ came up in reference to STD testing. Germs, viruses, etc. do not care what definition humans give things. The fact is that STDs can be passed via oral sex, kissing, etc.
> Also, legally, oral sex is sexual penetration.
> 
> 
> ...


And I was saying I'm pretty sure he didn't have an affair to be vengeful against some woman he barely knew.


I'm looking forward to it too....


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You've said that he acts gay and that people basically think of him that way. You are wanting to believe he is this or that---because you want to marry him. You're so young, you don't have the experience to see that your emotions are clouding our judgement.

One thing is for sure---he acts gay because he IS gay. And he will want a man again. Since it's easy to see he's gay by the way you describe him, he's going to get lots of attention from gay guys. 

What you're going to do is not wise. But I'll bet you don't want to hear that, right?


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> Well loss of virginity is vaginal/penile sex for hetero sex and anal sex for homosexual sex IMO. Especially the first. On technical terms.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


FYI I have seen this happen with men much younger than I and I have watched each and every bi man become gay (or in 1 or 2 cases become straight as they were "confused"). You came here for advice on a topic that Ele answered very well - why should your family or anyone else for that matter know if your fiancé is bisexual - it should be none of their business. My comments are that you are focussing on the wrong problem. I really do hope I am wrong and that your fiancé is the exception.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Maj1996 said:


> He was actually a virgin before we had sex. I was not. But I regularly check for STDs. Just because he's bisexual doesn't mean he's promiscuous. He's been with less people than I have.
> 
> I definitely trust him. I have no reason not to he's been an open book to me from the very start. He's attracted to men but I do r really cafe his orientation includes an attraction to someone like myself.


So you trust a man who has already broken up another family???


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> To those that don't care about the distinction, bi _is_ gay. Whether they're right or wrong is -- and will remain -- a matter of perspective.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




This^^^

The fact that you are marrying a home wrecker should be more important than his sexuality.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> You've said that he acts gay and that people basically think of him that way. You are wanting to believe he is this or that---because you want to marry him. You're so young, you don't have the experience to see that your emotions are clouding our judgement.
> 
> One thing is for sure---he acts gay because he IS gay. And he will want a man again. Since it's easy to see he's gay by the way you describe him, he's going to get lots of attention from gay guys.
> 
> What you're going to do is not wise. But I'll bet you don't want to hear that, right?


That's weird acting a way that people stereotype as gay doesn't determine someone's true sexuality. Some straight men are perceived as gay by their personality. Being gay is an attraction to just men. Not a personality. There is no gay personality.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> This^^^
> 
> The fact that you are marrying a home wrecker should be more important than his sexuality.


Yeah I already said that was a mistake and I know he wouldn't do that now. He was 16 and hes not 16 anymore. Hes grown and learned a lot from that situation.


Diana7 said:


> So you trust a man who has already broken up another family???


Well he didn't break up another family that's what his ex did.



manfromlamancha said:


> FYI I have seen this happen with men much younger than I and I have watched each and every bi man become gay (or in 1 or 2 cases become straight as they were "confused"). You came here for advice on a topic that Ele answered very well - why should your family or anyone else for that matter know if your fiancé is bisexual - it should be none of their business. My comments are that you are focussing on the wrong problem. I really do hope I am wrong and that your fiancé is the exception.


I'm not going to blame a 16 year old's actions for someone's actions who's in their 20's fully capable of making decisions on their own. Her husband is the culprit.



Um I'm straight I don't experiment I've known my sexuality since I was 12/13. I am BTW talking about men so yeah that's just how I am.

This is text book ignorance. Saying if they end up with a guy they must be gay. If they end up with a woman they are straight. I guess if I end up with no one I go from straight to asexual... Lol. Not true. We are all born with our sexuality whether we are gay bi or straight. A bisexual man or woman who marries a woman isn't straight or lesbian. He or she is still bisexual that's how they're and that how they die.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LOL... to be 20 again.

I'd love to read your updates at age 30.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> Yeah I already said that was a mistake and I know he wouldn't do that now. He was 16 and hes not 16 anymore. Hes grown and learned a lot from that situation.
> 
> 
> Well he didn't break up another family that's what his ex did.
> ...


We shall see. Don't know about text book ignorance - can only go by what i have seen. You are just about turning legal to drink in the USA. And you quote text book ignorance to me. As for terminology call it what you will. ****** is still a lovely island in the Greek islands. Gay is a fantastic word meaning happiness. Bisexual is the only really descriptive word as would hetero and **** sexual be. If a man prefers men to women he is a homosexual. Same for a woman who prefers women. If a man only sleeps with women then he is heterosexual. Same for a woman who only sleeps with men. Now here is where the statistics come in. If a woman is capable of sleeping and enjoying a healthy relationship long term with both women and men then she is truly bisexual. Haven't seen too many cases of that - they either go back to being hetero or stay **** - however there are some success stories there. When it comes to a man in that scenario - I haven't seen ANY success stories. Hence the warning which you can choose to ignore in your youthful certainty that you are right.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

And you won't be the first woman that has fallen hard for a gay man. They generally are very attractive, aren't they. Montgomery Clift, Rock Hudson etc etc


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> To those that don't care about the distinction, bi _is_ gay. Whether they're right or wrong is -- and will remain -- a matter of perspective.
> 
> Doesn't really matter either way.
> 
> ...


Add to this being careless enough to become pregnant with him and there is a hell of a storm on the horizon. What a shame. An innocent life is put in the middle, again.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Oral sex is calls "oral sex" because it is SEX. If it's penis in mouth, it's a form of intercourse. More importantly, STDs can be contracted via oral sex.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 @EleGirl,

This is a compliment.

You remind me of my city librarian that I went to many years ago when pursing my degree. She knew where the books where, she knew where the magazines and articles where.

And if I would let her, she would and could write my papers for me. She was on top of everything.

Conanhub and others are right in that her fiances sexual proclivities are no one else's business, but to her and him.

But, OP laid the facts and circumstances at our feet. All the information.

Sorry, but it our duty to be forthright and helpful. Many of us have lived full lives and have seen what lifestyles can reap.

This relationship that OP has may work out just fine. The odds say otherwise. If she wants to gamble, then fine.

We will give her tips and hints and things to look for. So far, she is hearing us. Not agreeing. That is OK, too. We did our job. We informed her of the risks.

She was warned.

I hope the best for Her and her Man.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

2ntnuf said:


> Add to this being careless enough to become pregnant with him and there is a hell of a storm on the horizon. What a shame. An innocent life is put in the middle, again.




You don't know she was careless. It could have been planned. 

There are millions of straight people who cheat and have babies. 

OP,

Your family knows he is gay. You said he acts the stereotypical way. 

My best bud is gay. You cannot tell unless he tells you. If you meet his long time partner you can tell that guy is gay within 10 seconds. 

What do you hope to accomplish by telling the family ?

Actually bi may work to your advantage because your family will think you have or will convert him. 

What they need to know, and you too, is if your fiance will remain monogamous. 

I have a bi friend. She had a boyfriend. But she also went out on dates with girls. Non monogamous. She does not call it cheating because it only one guy and one girl at a time.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> That seems fine to me. I was worried that he generally preferred men and might be "settling" for other reasons. That can end badly regardless of orientations. As long as he is very attracted to you, that is great.
> 
> I really don't know why some other posters seem concerned. It seems *he's been open with you about his feelings *and his actions and YOU are OK with that. That is what matters.


Yes, *he prefers sex with men*. Her fiancee said that.

He may switch teams some years down the road. He may stray. Have an affair. With a gay man.

And he will expose her to STD's. That is the risk. A big risk. Plus, then he will be a cheater.

Sexuality cannot be suppressed. Unless you castrate the male or ......? the female.

Why is this so hard to swallow....yuk.

People can be so hard headed and naive.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

manfromlamancha said:


> We shall see. Don't know about text book ignorance - can only go by what i have seen. You are just about turning legal to drink in the USA. And you quote text book ignorance to me. As for terminology call it what you will. ****** is still a lovely island in the Greek islands. Gay is a fantastic word meaning happiness. Bisexual is the only really descriptive word as would hetero and **** sexual be. If a man prefers men to women he is a homosexual. Same for a woman who prefers women. If a man only sleeps with women then he is heterosexual. Same for a woman who only sleeps with men. Now here is where the statistics come in. If a woman is capable of sleeping and enjoying a healthy relationship long term with both women and men then she is truly bisexual. Haven't seen too many cases of that - they either go back to being hetero or stay **** - however there are some success stories there. *When it comes to a man in that scenario - I haven't seen ANY success stories.* Hence the warning which you can choose to ignore in your youthful certainty that you are right.


I have. I have seen cases on both sides. One, I dated many years ago, and he is now in a monogamous relationship with a man. Another is a man who had been with other men and he is in a monogamous marriage (over 20 years) to a woman. Now, that isn't to say this will definitely happen with OP, but just to point out that it DOES happen. 

Ok, OP, first, your question is whether he should cone clean to your family. The only question about this should be WHY should he even HAVE to? YOU know his history, YOU have accepted it. YOU have weighed the risks vs benefits and have made the decision yourself. If your family voices concerns, more power to him. But as long as you are walking into this with your eyes open, that is all that matters. Do you intend to inform them of your every orgasm? This is in the same category. Your sex life is yours. They don't need to know it. And his sex life is his. Again, no need to tell the world.

Honestly, the only thing that should be an issue is that he was involved with someone who was married. I know he was 16-18, and I know he believed they were in love. But, the guy was still married, and from everything you have said, he knew the guy was married. I'm not saying he could never be in a monogamous relationship, but the fact that he was in a relationship with a married person would be enough to raise a flag for me. I would be extra cautious because of THAT aspect, not because that person hapoened to be a man.

I wish you the best of luck, and strongly advise NOT telling your family, as it is none of their business. If they learn elsewhere and bring it to you, then sure, tell them you knew and it is between you and hom, and no one else.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

doh


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Well yeah the only relationship he's been in outside of our relationship is the married man. So his first sexual relationship was with a guy. But the past really does not matter.
> 
> The ****tt side to this its already out there so its like I know its worst that they do know. But that's something I can't help neither of us can. I guess I'm just looking to see e what I can do to make the best of the situation overall.
> 
> ...


So your family already knows. Why would he want to tell them something that they already know?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> That's weird acting a way that people stereotype as gay doesn't determine someone's true sexuality. Some straight men are perceived as gay by their personality. Being gay is an attraction to just men. Not a personality. There is no gay personality.


You are the one who said that your fiancé acts gay. So clearly you believe that there is some kind of gay personality, or gay outward behavior that identifies gay men. You cannot take back what you already said.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

manfromlamancha said:


> We shall see. Don't know about text book ignorance - can only go by what i have seen. You are just about turning legal to drink in the USA. And you quote text book ignorance to me. As for terminology call it what you will. ****** is still a lovely island in the Greek islands. Gay is a fantastic word meaning happiness. Bisexual is the only really descriptive word as would hetero and **** sexual be. If a man prefers men to women he is a homosexual. Same for a woman who prefers women. If a man only sleeps with women then he is heterosexual. Same for a woman who only sleeps with men. Now here is where the statistics come in. If a woman is capable of sleeping and enjoying a healthy relationship long term with both women and men then she is truly bisexual. Haven't seen too many cases of that - they either go back to being hetero or stay **** - however there are some success stories there. When it comes to a man in that scenario - I haven't seen ANY success stories. Hence the warning which you can choose to ignore in your youthful certainty that you are right.


Its not about who you sleep with... Its about who you're attracted to I have a friend who is totally straight and 23 and a virgin. She's not asexual she's straight. Its not about who you slept with its who you are attracted to but if it were your argument wouldn't stand up considering my fiance has been with both genders.

And no bisexuality is a huge spectrum I'd say the most various of all orientations. Some bisexuals prefer the same sex some prefer the opposite sex and some are equal 50-50. Straight is not preference of the opposite sex IMO. Its being only and solely attracted to the opposite sex. Preference indicates there's some attraction the other way as well. So no being straight is not being bisexual. Straight is being only attracted to the opposite sex. And gay is only being attracted to the same sex.

My fiance is biromantic so his romantic attractions have no preference. Hes pretty 50/50. Hes sexually more homoflexible which means he find more men attractive than women. Generally speaking but he likes women too. He's a boob guy. Guys don't have boobs so... Yeah he is attracted to men but he also likes women sexually. Its like this if 90% of the time you find you are attracted to men but 5-10% of the time you find women attractive. That would clearly make you bisexual with a sexual preference to men.and like I said with relationships hes 50-50. There are biromantic homosexuals and homorpmantic bisexuals and biromantic heterosexuals these are all variations of bisexuality. Its not gay. Gay is homoromantic with a homosexual orientation. My fiance is neither of these. It appears you're limited in understanding the many different types of bisexuality there is. But that's why some bisexuals mainly date the same or opposite sex.

Which obviously is clearly ignorant.



manfromlamancha said:


> And you won't be the first woman that has fallen hard for a gay man. They generally are very attractive, aren't they. Montgomery Clift, Rock Hudson etc etc


You just wish men weren't bisexual. But they are nothing will you from your ignorant beliefs most likely.




2ntnuf said:


> Add to this being careless enough to become pregnant with him and there is a hell of a storm on the horizon. What a shame. An innocent life is put in the middle, again.


We're both actually excited to be expecting our first child its not unwanted and we're both looming forward to our future marriage. Its not a disaster its the best relationship I've been in yet.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Maj1996 said:


> Its not about who you sleep with... Its about who you're attracted to I have a friend who is totally straight and 23 and a virgin. She's not asexual she's straight. Its not about who you slept with its who you are attracted to but if it were your argument wouldn't stand up considering my fiance has been with both genders.
> 
> And no bisexuality is a huge spectrum I'd say the most various of all orientations. Some bisexuals prefer the same sex some prefer the opposite sex and some are equal 50-50. Straight is not preference of the opposite sex IMO. Its being only and solely attracted to the opposite sex. Preference indicates there's some attraction the other way as well. So no being straight is not being bisexual. Straight is being only attracted to the opposite sex. And gay is only being attracted to the same sex.
> 
> ...


Oh, I'm sorry.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> Its not about who you sleep with... Its about who you're attracted to I have a friend who is totally straight and 23 and a virgin. She's not asexual she's straight. Its not about who you slept with its who you are attracted to but if it were your argument wouldn't stand up considering my fiance has been with both genders.
> 
> And no bisexuality is a huge spectrum I'd say the most various of all orientations. Some bisexuals prefer the same sex some prefer the opposite sex and some are equal 50-50. Straight is not preference of the opposite sex IMO. Its being only and solely attracted to the opposite sex. Preference indicates there's some attraction the other way as well. So no being straight is not being bisexual. Straight is being only attracted to the opposite sex. And gay is only being attracted to the same sex.
> 
> ...


Good luck. No, this is why many here are having the "get off my lawn" reaction to your comments. You are playing semantic games with new made up words. You just rewrote what ML said, with the new words the younger generation is trying to implement into society. Yes, you basically said what he did with angrier words, adding percentages with no sources and an attempt to call him a bigot. Love your man and enjoy your life, but you have some ignorance and bigoted beliefs going on as well.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Its not a disaster its the best relationship I've been in yet.


There is a reason that you are here asking questions and looking for support. The title of this thread is not really the reason since apparently your father already knows that your fiancé is gay, or bi, or whatever. 

Something is eating at you.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LOL...

"Homoflexible".

Millennials are just adorable.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> There is a reason that you are here asking questions and looking for support. The title of this thread is not really the reason since apparently your father already knows that your fiancé is gay, or bi, or whatever.
> 
> Something is eating at you.


Maybe she is wondering if she should have an abortion? > ahem, sorry...........

If she was me, I was her, ahh.......yeah.....whatever..... I'd be wondering how I'm going to do all of this at the same time, trust him, get him to marry me, get my parents to understand that I love him, deal with the backlash I know is coming, and get them to support me financially, physically and emotionally.

On the other hand, she may just be wondering why her parents are so homophobic and wants to vent about it while finding others who she can ask why they are homophobic because she can't talk to her parents/family? 

Or............what is it, op, Maj1996?


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> So your family already knows. Why would he want to tell them something that they already know?


Right now my family thinks hes gay that he cheats on me with a married man and that I don't know about the affair. We've both denied this. But there's actually evidence of the affair. So its hard to truly deny.

My fiance wants to just come out and explained what really happened. But I feel like they won't believe and plus it might do more harm than good that's my problem.



EleGirl said:


> You are the one who said that your fiancé acts gay. So clearly you believe that there is some kind of gay personality, or gay outward behavior that identifies gay men. You cannot take back what you already said.


I meant he acts in a way peoe ignorantly perceive as gay there is no way to act that's actually gay.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Maricha75 said:


> I have. I have seen cases on both sides. One, I dated many years ago, and he is now in a monogamous relationship with a man. Another is a man who had been with other men and he is in a monogamous marriage (over 20 years) to a woman. Now, that isn't to say this will definitely happen with OP, but just to point out that it DOES happen.
> 
> Ok, OP, first, your question is whether he should cone clean to your family. The only question about this should be WHY should he even HAVE to? YOU know his history, YOU have accepted it. YOU have weighed the risks vs benefits and have made the decision yourself. If your family voices concerns, more power to him. But as long as you are walking into this with your eyes open, that is all that matters. Do you intend to inform them of your every orgasm? This is in the same category. Your sex life is yours. They don't nerd to know it. And his sex life is his. Again, no need to tell the world.
> 
> ...



Well up until now there was no reason to bring up that he was bisexual. My family would say he acts a bit more flamboyantly and suspect he was gay. But after stuff came out about his last relationship now its like they think consistently that I'm like his beard and like that he must totally be gay. And keep trying to diss our relationship. I think its better to admit I knew and therefore to him to come out since denying basically makes me look in denial an out of touch with reality. And makes our relationship appear to have lots of secrets in which we don't have. It is though none of their business IMO. That's why I wish that he wasn't outed in the first place.

Actually as far as the affair his ex wasn't actually officially married at the beginning of my fiance's relationship. He married her during the affair. He had a child with her and I actually think that's around the time my fiance and he broke up.pretty sure his ex went on to cheat with other people too. Doubt he was the only one.



SunCMars said:


> Yes, *he prefers sex with men*. Her fiancee said that.
> 
> He may switch teams some years down the road. He may stray. Have an affair. With a gay man.
> 
> ...


Prefer men sexually meant he like me. And women but men more. But he still likes women. I trust him e ough to know if anything went wrong he'd be honest with me.



blueinbr said:


> You don't know she was careless. It could have been planned.
> 
> There are millions of straight people who cheat and have babies.
> 
> ...


They just say he acts gay as in he comes off as more feminine to them. That's all. And he has a higher pitch voice. Its things basically not having at all to do with his sexuality. Its clear ignorance. IMO.

Here's hoping I think maybe in 10 years with a successful marriage it will open their eyes a little.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Maj1996 said:


> Here's hoping I think maybe in 10 years with a successful marriage it will open their eyes a little.


LOL

You poor, sweet girl.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Maj1996 said:


> Right now my family thinks hes gay that he cheats on me with a married man and that I don't know about the affair. We've both denied this. But there's actually evidence of the affair. So its hard to truly deny.
> 
> My fiance wants to just come out and explained what really happened. But I feel like they won't believe and plus it might do more harm than good that's my problem.
> 
> ...


Ok, thank you for the clarification. In this particular case, I would have to agree with your fiance. Tell them the truth, present the facts/timeline. If this was simply "I want to tell them I am bi" just for the hell of it, that would be different. But, they have already been presented with the evidence, and think the worst about him. I still would be cautious because of the affair, but that's me. But, with them already thinking he is currently cheating with this guy, the timeline should be presented. Who knows? With him having been only 16, they may be less inclined to judge him so harshly. Or maybe not.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Good luck. No, this is why many here are having the "get off my lawn" reaction to your comments. You are playing semantic games with new made up words. You just rewrote what ML said, with the new words the younger generation is trying to implement into society. Yes, you basically said what he did with angrier words, adding percentages with no sources and an attempt to call him a bigot. Love your man and enjoy your life, but you have some ignorance and bigoted beliefs going on as well.


No I explained that bisexuality wasn't heterosexuality. I think may e you don't want bisexuality to exist because then you are at risk for being labelled bi. Those who are predominantly heterosexual benefit from bisexuality not. Wing acknowledged and comments like lamanchas implies bisexuality is straight or gay. If its not 50-50.



EleGirl said:


> There is a reason that you are here asking questions and looking for support. The title of this thread is not really the reason since apparently your father already knows that your fiancé is gay, or bi, or whatever.
> 
> Something is eating at you.



Km here trying to ask how to deal with famy that's what my thread is about.



GusPolinski said:


> LOL...
> 
> "Homoflexible".
> 
> Millennials are just adorable.


Those are real terms heteroflexible and homoflexible. It means predomantly homosexual and predominantly heterosexual it concerns the sexual orientation not the romantic attractions though.

And I'm not a millennial. I'm a post millennial anyone born after 1995 are post millennial.



2ntnuf said:


> Maybe she is wondering if she should have an abortion? > ahem, sorry...........
> 
> If she was me, I was her, ahh.......yeah.....whatever..... I'd be wondering how I'm going to do all of this at the same time, trust him, get him to marry me, get my parents to understand that I love him, deal with the backlash I know is coming, and get them to support me financially, physically and emotionally.
> 
> ...


Well my question is on how to handle my fiance being outed with family and friends.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> Maybe she is wondering if she should have an abortion? > ahem, sorry...........


I've been checking on that ..... :nerd: So far nothing.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> Well my question is on how to handle my fiance being outed with family and friends.



Listen, if he can't stand up for himself over what he believes, how do you expect him to handle the marriage and new baby? 

There are a lot more difficult issues to handle than telling others, or deciding it's none of their business. 

My opinion is, this is dangerous for you and the baby. I don't much care about him because he doesn't have to go through pregnancy and so forth. You do!

This whole thread seems way off to me. 

What do you think a bunch of strangers would wonder, if they came here with our story? To me it seems like you hate yourself and you are settling for what you think is your last chance. You have a lot to learn. Your brain hasn't even fully developed. It won't until around the age of 27. Why don't you get an education, if you haven't, and make a great career for yourself and a stable life for your baby? 

If he stays with you through all that, you might have an argument for marriage.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Right now my family thinks hes gay that he cheats on me with a married man and that I don't know about the affair. We've both denied this. But there's actually evidence of the affair. So its hard to truly deny.
> 
> My fiance wants to just come out and explained what really happened. But I feel like they won't believe and plus it might do more harm than good that's my problem.


Ok, so your family knows about the affair and you and he keep denying that an affair ever happened. They don't believe it when you deny it because they can tell that you are lying. 

If your fiancé just comes out and explains it, he will have to say that yes he was in a homosexual affair with a married man. The only defense he has is that he was a kid who was used by an older man. I guess he may as well tell the truth since your family already knows the truth. They have good reason to be concerned.

For a moment, let's pretend that your fiancé had an affair when he was 16 with a 20-somthing woman. Your parents would have very good reason to be concerned about you being involved with a guy who did this. So why wouldn't they also be concerned about a homosexual affair?

Their concern does not necessarily make them bigoted. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Your parents know this.



Maj1996 said:


> I meant he acts in a way peoe ignorantly perceive as gay there is no way to act that's actually gay.


There is in fact a certain type of affected behavior that some homosexual men do display. I've seen it. I've had gay friends who behave in this manner. This is why with some gay men, they can been identified as gay very easily. Of course not all gay men behave in this manner, but a good number of them do.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Honey, this is a rough one.

I can see both sides. Your sex life with your mate is private, in general I would always advise to keep it that way.
In your situation though, your family already all surmise he is gay, because that is the way he acts. He does not act like a heterosexual man, because he isn't one. At this point, why not just be honest with your family, like he expresses he wants to? It's not like they will be shocked. Why are you worried so much about their reaction to this, since they already feel that way?

If your family are good people, the honesty with them may give you additional food for thought about your situation. They LOVE you, like no one else in the world does, so hear what they have to say. You don't have to agree, or change your course, but listen. 

You are both very young. I have many concerns that he will eventually want to explore more with men later on, after years of life and reality set in. BUT if he is a completely managmous person, then he should ultimately remain faithful. I'm trying to think of it from my own life. My sex life is not ideal, but nothing would ever make me cheat, even if a thousand hot men were begging me to bone. Nothing could turn my head from my husband. That is because I am a faithful, monogamous person to my core. 

The thing that is nagging me about your baby daddy is that he did have an affair which resulted in breaking up a marriage, and shows a tendancy to not be overly concerned with complete faithfulness. I know he was younger, but he still knew it was wrong, and chose to do it for years. The amount of faith you can put into his declarions of faithfulness has to be somewhat weakened by his past choices. I totally get that you forgive him, and don't hold it against him, but it still happened,

Whatever happens, you are now bound forever by a child. Being young, and in a non traditional relationship are both things that are challenges you now have to deal with. All relationships have challenges, and these are yours. I truly hope that yours is a success.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you live at home with your parents?


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> Being young, and in a non traditional relationship are both things that are challenges you now have to deal with. All relationships have challenges, and these are yours. I truly hope that yours is a success.


Don't forget being pregnant for the first time and likely needing mum to help, as many do. 

What a mess. Yeah, I hope it works out for you, Maj, and the baby. I really don't care about that guy. Has he even helped the mother of his other child? Is he paying child support to help her with the costs of raising his child? Does he visit the child? How often? Was he there for the birth? So many unanswered questions that would help you to see if he is worth the huge risk go unasked. Well, until now. 

Does he have a job, a place for you and him to live, a stable family of his own? Do you have a job? Do you live on your own or at home with mum and dad? 

You don't have to answer any of these in this thread. You can just use them to figure things out and guide your decisions. Yes, yours, not his. He can get on a forum of his choosing.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Yeah I agree with this. I want to take a different approach on a matter of facts maybe it could help more.



Maricha75 said:


> Ok, thank you for the clarification. In this particular case, I would have to agree with your fiance. Tell them the truth, present the facts/timeline. If this was simply "I want to tell them I am bi" just for the hell of it, that would be different. But, they have already been presented with the evidence, and think the worst about him. I still would be cautious because of the affair, but that's me. But, with them already thinking he is currently cheating with this guy, the timeline should be presented. Who knows? With him having been only 16, they may be less inclined to judge him so harshly. Or maybe not.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Spicy said:


> Honey, this is a rough one.
> 
> I can see both sides. Your sex life with your mate is private, in general I would always advise to keep it that way.
> In your situation though, your family already all surmise he is gay, because that is the way he acts. He does not act like a heterosexual man, because he isn't one. At this point, why not just be honest with your family, like he expresses he wants to? It's not like they will be shocked. Why are you worried so much about their reaction to this, since they already feel that way?
> ...



Well hes never cheated on anyone in fact he never e end. Heated on his ex. He broke it off with him when we started getting interested in each other. I find it hard to judge him for a relationship he wasn't committed to but that's just how I feel. I don't get what you meant by nontraditional. But thanks for your advice. I think may e he should. Not sure how much he should come out though.




2ntnuf said:


> Don't forget being pregnant for the first time and likely needing mum to help, as many do.
> 
> What a mess. Yeah, I hope it works out for you, Maj, and the baby. I really don't care about that guy. Has he even helped the mother of his other child? Is he paying child support to help her with the costs of raising his child? Does he visit the child? How often? Was he there for the birth? So many unanswered questions that would help you to see if he is worth the huge risk go unasked. Well, until now.
> 
> ...


I'm answeinf this alone. Because ****s all wrong with this post. My fiance doesn't have another child. I'm confused. What you're referring to. My fiance and I are both experiencing our first pregnancy.

We actually own our own home etc... We're financially set. Not well off like his mom but we're good I don't depend on my parents for the most part.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thank you. That clears up a great deal. Good luck. Whatever happens, you have made your choices. This isn't so hard after all. 

Tell him to man up and figure out what he wants to say and do. It's up to him. You have accepted him as he is.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Do you live at home with your parents?


No we don't.



EleGirl said:


> Ok, so your family knows about the affair and you and he keep denying that an affair ever happened. They don't believe it when you deny it because they can tell that you are lying.
> 
> If your fiancé just comes out and explains it, he will have to say that yes he was in a homosexual affair with a married man. The only defense he has is that he was a kid who was used by an older man. I guess he may as well tell the truth since your family already knows the truth. They have good reason to be concerned.
> 
> ...



Well they don't believe because of evidence showing otherwise.

Well maybe that's a better approach. I mean technically it was illegal in the first place considering he was underage. I mean technically he could have been manipulated into being in such a relationship.

My parents would react a lot better if the married person was a woman 



EleGirl said:


> I've been checking on that ..... :nerd: So far nothing.


Abortion? Uh no I'm very prolife. I would never do that. My fiance is prolife sorta too. Well in my view. Hes one of those exception types. I'm against abortion in all cases its murder straight up IMO.



2ntnuf said:


> Listen, if he can't stand up for himself over what he believes, how do you expect him to handle the marriage and new baby?
> 
> There are a lot more difficult issues to handle than telling others, or deciding it's none of their business.
> 
> ...


I have had many bfs before him I wasn't desperate before him and I'm actually educated. I feel like what I'm doing is right and that's not what this thread is about its about how to deal with family.... That's what it is about.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> Thank you. That clears up a great deal. Good luck. Whatever happens, you have made your choices. This isn't so hard after all.
> 
> Tell him to man up and figure out what he wants to say and do. It's up to him. You have accepted him as he is.


Oh that explains your other posts.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Maj1996 said:


> Yeah I already said that was a mistake and I know he wouldn't do that now. He was 16 and hes not 16 anymore. Hes grown and learned a lot from that situation.
> 
> 
> Well he didn't break up another family that's what his ex did.
> ...


You said he was an adult,18, when they broke up. 17-18 is quite old enough to know that having sex with a married man is very wrong. They were both equally responsible for the destruction of the marriage and the deep hurt caused to the OM's wife and children. 

I am sorry but I see little hope that this relationship will last. Not only has he committed adultery(for 2 years), but he has said he is more attracted to men. Two red flags already and now a child is being bought into the mix. :frown2:


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Maj1996 said:


> Oh that explains your other posts.


I originally thought you were some young twenty year old who was in trouble. Apparently, many other members did, too.



I did have a great deal of sympathy for you. I'm glad you clarified. 

Man up has nothing to do with his bisexuality or homosexuality. It does have everything to do with his level of maturity. 

If you are here without his knowledge, you step beyond your bounds. If you are here because he doesn't know what to do, he may not accept himself. 

Either way, it's up to him to figure it out.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> You said he was an adult,18, when they broke up. 17-18 is quite old enough to know that having sex with a married man is very wrong. They were both equally responsible for the destruction of the marriage and the deep hurt caused to the OM's wife and children.
> 
> I am sorry but I see little hope that this relationship will last. Not only has he committed adultery(for 2 years), but he has said he is more attracted to men. Two red flags already and now a child is being bought into the mix. :frown2:


Well 17 is illegal in Nevada for that activity. And at 18 they broke up. And there were no children when they were cheating. Like I said before his ex married during the relationship with my fiance. It was wrong since he was in a relationship married or not. But it was a mistake he did right by breaking up with him.

Yes like I said hes biromantic which means with relationships hes bisexual. I like white guys 90% of the time. But 5% of the time a Hispanic guy can be just as attractive. That doesn't mean I can't find a Hispanic man as attractive as a white man. Same applies here. He does like more men than women but he still likes some women just as much.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> I originally thought you were some young twenty year old who was in trouble. Apparently, many other members did, too.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

How far along are you with the pregnancy?
When did he propose? Before the baby?

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

MrsAldi said:


> How far along are you with the pregnancy?
> When did he propose? Before the baby?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


12 weeks and officially early december I didn't get pregnant until around Christmas. And didn't find out until this year.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.


OK this is getting too long winded so the easy answer to your title question is YES if it makes him happy.

By the way, why does he want to "come out" ? Is it to clarify to your parents (who in their ignorance like mine, think he is gay) that he is in fact not gay ? Or is it to educate them on the range or spectrum of bisexuality ? Or is it to advertise to other men that he is still interested in them too ? What ? As Ele and Maricha have said, as long as you know why does it matter who else knows?


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.


He wants to come out to who? 

You guys are so young, your worries seem to be more concerned with his "status" rather than about being concerned about him committing to being a father and a husband. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.


There is no getting over it. There is acceptance or rejection. So far, they don't have proof, but gut feelings and observations. Sometimes, bringing the elephant in the room into the light is the best. They will have to make their decisions. Just be prepared. I assume not everyone will accept your realities. 

They won't stop talking about him behind his back. I don't think. Less will, but not all will stop. Good luck. Sorry you have to do this during a time when you are pregnant and wanting to be happy and receive congratulations. That sucks. It's pretty much life, though. Isn't it?


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I just wanted to add that we are happy you are here. I am also impressed how well you have responded to everyone. I think you have handled yourself very well for a young person. Many posters that are new get mad and disappear, which surely is counterproductive, as they end up getting no help. So I really think it is great how you handled all the responses, even the ones that were on the harsh side. So bravo!

You came seeking opinions, and you got plenty. Hearing others weigh in on this is really a wonderful provision to help you work through your thoughts and concerns. This has given you a lot to think over. Consider staying with us, as you will always have questions in your relatonship. The longer we know you and your situation the more we can help. Also, you can help others in the future (That's why I am still here, to pay it forward, because I appreciate this forum so much.) If you feel comfortable with it, I would recommend having your fiancé read this. Open communication is a HUGE factor in any successful relationship.

Lastly - I want to say Congradulations on your pregnancy. Children are an amazing gift. I think you will both love being parents, and I genuinely wish you happiness and success.


----------



## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> You are awfully young for this kind of relationship.
> 
> I dated a woman who was bisexual. She dumped me for a woman.


I don't know @MattMatt. Almost nine years ago I married a bisexual woman. While she did have an affair with a woman early on, we are still together today. 

We were only 21 when we got married. 

Ho est communication and acceptance can overcome much.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.


You keep saying that he wants to "come out" to your parents. But they already know that he had an affair with a married man. He's already out to them. The two of you have simply been lying to them, denying that affair and his homosexual tendencies.

I'm not so sure it's him "coming out" so much as the two of you stop lying to your parents.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Run Elegirl! Save yourself!!


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> You keep saying that he wants to "come out" to your parents. But they already know that he had an affair with a married man. He's already out to them. The two of you have simply been lying to them, denying that affair and his homosexual tendencies.
> 
> I'm not so sure it's him "coming out" so much as the two of you stop lying to your parents.


No hes not out to them anymore than he was when they assumed he was straight. You keep trying to claim bi is gay so obviously you don't understand.


Coming out as bi is different than being gay. But it doesn't seem you see the obvious different I obviously do.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> There is no getting over it. There is acceptance or rejection. So far, they don't have proof, but gut feelings and observations. Sometimes, bringing the elephant in the room into the light is the best. They will have to make their decisions. Just be prepared. I assume not everyone will accept your realities.
> 
> They won't stop talking about him behind his back. I don't think. Less will, but not all will stop. Good luck. Sorry you have to do this during a time when you are pregnant and wanting to be happy and receive congratulations. That sucks. It's pretty much life, though. Isn't it?


They have evidence that's the whole problem. Supposedly he was on tape admitting that he was having an affair. And she distributed it. Which got back to my family.

Of course they may not but its at least better to be open about what really is the truth etc.... Whether they believe it or not..



MrsAldi said:


> He wants to come out to who?
> 
> You guys are so young, your worries seem to be more concerned with his "status" rather than about being concerned about him committing to being a father and a husband.
> 
> ...


To basically those who are conceded and inquire because of the situation.



manfromlamancha said:


> OK this is getting too long winded so the easy answer to your title question is YES if it makes him happy.
> 
> By the way, why does he want to "come out" ? Is it to clarify to your parents (who in their ignorance like mine, think he is gay) that he is in fact not gay ? Or is it to educate them on the range or spectrum of bisexuality ? Or is it to advertise to other men that he is still interested in them too ? What ? As Ele and Maricha have said, as long as you know why does it matter who else knows?


He wants to come out because my family found out about his affair. No one cares if they understand bisexuality or not that's not the issue.




Spicy said:


> I just wanted to add that we are happy you are here. I am also impressed how well you have responded to everyone. I think you have handled yourself very well for a young person. Many posters that are new get mad and disappear, which surely is counterproductive, as they end up getting no help. So I really think it is great how you handled all the responses, even the ones that were on the harsh side. So bravo!
> 
> You came seeking opinions, and you got plenty. Hearing others weigh in on this is really a wonderful provision to help you work through your thoughts and concerns. This has given you a lot to think over. Consider staying with us, as you will always have questions in your relatonship. The longer we know you and your situation the more we can help. Also, you can help others in the future (That's why I am still here, to pay it forward, because I appreciate this forum so much.) If you feel comfortable with it, I would recommend having your fiancé read this. Open communication is a HUGE factor in any successful relationship.
> 
> Lastly - I want to say Congradulations on your pregnancy. Children are an amazing gift. I think you will both love being parents, and I genuinely wish you happiness and success.



Thanks yeah even the negative advice can be of much help honestly. It helps give idea etc and what not.



As'laDain said:


> I don't know @MattMatt. Almost nine years ago I married a bisexual woman. While she did have an affair with a woman early on, we are still together today.
> 
> We were only 21 when we got married.
> 
> Ho est communication and acceptance can overcome much.


Yeah majorly the foundation of pur relationship relies on trust and an open communication level.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> No I explained that bisexuality wasn't heterosexuality.


 Which is what ML stated.



> I think may e you don't want bisexuality to exist because then you are at risk for being labelled bi.


 See, this is called stereotyping and leads into bigotry. This quote is my first post on your thread. I have made no declarations about sexuality except to say you rewrote ML's post. I am not at risk for being labeled because I do not care about your sexuality or what anyone thinks about mine.



> Those who are predominantly heterosexual benefit from bisexuality not.


 Can't respond because this makes little sense.



> Wing acknowledged and comments like lamanchas implies bisexuality is straight or gay. If its not 50-50.


 He said much more, but you are still stereotyping. 


I looked up many of your words and numbers, they are quite interesting. To me, you are the one with the biggest issues on sexuality. The more I dig, the more your information comes form slang based and fringe based websites. If the issue bothers you this much, that you start passive aggressively insulting posters, you might want to rethink your relationship. You asked for advice, didn't like what you heard and have resorted to angry insults and trying to prove everyone who disagrees is a bigot or ignorant.

Just so you understand, there is a difference between educating people when they might be wrong and trying to be right.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

No ml did not say that he said bisexuality with a straight preference is heterosexuality. And that's not true IMO.

You did by saying you agree with ML.

I said those who are bisexual with a straight preference benefit from bisexuality spectrums not existing. Which is why I said you yourself may be of this type of people. Its just me speculating as that's how your first post came off. You agreed with ml who stated bisexuality was only a 50/50 attraction to men and women everything esle was gay or straight. That makes heterosexuality and homosexuality absorb spectrums of bisexuality those with straight and gay preferences respectively.



phillybeffandswiss said:


> Which is what ML stated.
> 
> See, this is called stereotyping and leads into bigotry. This quote is my first post on your thread. I have made no declarations about sexuality except to say you rewrote ML's post. I am not at risk for being labeled because I do not care about your sexuality or what anyone thinks about mine.
> 
> ...


Biromantic is not slang nor is homoflexible. Those are real terms that describe the different types of bisexuality there is. Ams talk about sexual orientation and romantic orientation. There are two forms everyone has it by the way. I think you're the only one who's mad because I said you could be bisexual. But honestly if I did not say it I'd have thought it. I think when people try to make bisexuality just 50-50 attraction to men and women. I think they don't want to be bisexual so they call people with a preference to the opposite straight so they can like the same sex occasionally and still be straight. That's just how I see it. If you agree with ml in that a preference for the same or opposite sex makes you automatically gay or straight. That's what I think of you. I'm not trying to insult you. I'm just saying that's what it looks like to me.

And as far as my own sexuality I'm pretty unique. I'm not your average straight woman and I embrace it.

Also I'm not stereotyping that is just an empty word you're throwing at me because it sounds good lol.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> No hes not out to them anymore than he was when they assumed he was straight. You keep trying to claim bi is gay so obviously you don't understand.
> 
> 
> Coming out as bi is different than being gay. But it doesn't seem you see the obvious different I obviously do.


Look, I'm not going to play some game of finding the perfect word with you. I could care less if your husband is bi, gay, straight, or whatever other words games you want to play with this.

You keep wanting to fight over which words to use. And by doing so you miss the point. 

Your fiancé is already out to your parents. They know. You both have been lying to your parents. So tell them the truth. But do it with as few words as possible because they are most likely not going to care about the many different words you are using on this thread to describe light differences in sexual orientation.

"The rumors that he had an affair with an older marriage man are true. He was 16 and used by an older man. Fiancé thinks that he might be bisexual but is committed to be monogamous to our heterosexual relationship. We don't need to talk about this any further."

There, end of story.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> No ml did not say that he said bisexuality with a straight preference is heterosexuality. And that's not true IMO.
> 
> You did by saying you agree with ML.


I never said I agreed with you or ML. So, you might want to go back and read my post again. I said you both were saying the same thing.





> Biromantic is not slang nor is homoflexible. Those are real terms that describe the different types of bisexuality there is.


They are slang. They may become legit later, but right now they are not in normal use. It is why people are laughing. I have yet to laugh at any of your words, I am laughing at your irrational anger.


> I think you're the only one who's mad because* I said you could be bisexual. But honestly if I did not say it I'd have thought it.* I think when people try to make bisexuality just 50-50 attraction to men and women. I think they don't want to be bisexual so they call people with a preference to the opposit*e straight so they can like the same sex occasionally* and still be straight. That's just how I see it. If you agree with ml in that a preference for the same or opposite sex makes you automatically gay or straight. That's what I think of you. I'm not trying to insult you. I'm just saying that's what it looks like to me.
> 
> 
> 
> And as far as my own sexuality I'm pretty unique. I'm not your average straight woman and I embrace it.


 I already answered this, but you are still angry and not reading what I have written. 




> Also I'm not stereotyping that is just an empty word you're throwing at me because it sounds good lol.


Sure you are, you've alleged a few people must be "bisexual" because they disagree or give counters to your assertions about sexuality.

Again, what has you so up in arms if you love the guy? Are you the one scared of his sexuality? If you accept it why does he need to come out to your parents?


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I never said I agreed with you or ML. So, you might want to go back and read my post again. I said you both were saying the same thing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well if you think a preference is the same as as being g monosexual then that's what I think of you. You seem to be the only one who is upset too bad. That wasn't my intention I was just telling you my genuine thoughts of what you said move on and don't read if its making you this flustered lol.

I'm not angry but I think you wish I was upset because you're clearly upset at my opinion of you. If it stands no ground what I said it shouldn't really offend. You know you you know your truth lol.

The ignorant do tend to laugh

Like I said evidence has come forward to my family. About the affair so now they think hes cheating he's gay and not faithful. I just wanted to know the best wag to fix the situation.





EleGirl said:


> Look, I'm not going to play some game of finding the perfect word with you. I could care less if your husband is bi, gay, straight, or whatever other words games you want to play with this.
> 
> You keep wanting to fight over which words to use. And by doing so you miss the point.
> 
> ...


But hes not out. They think hes gay and currently cheating etc.... That's a major difference from reality.

Yeah I think I agree with going about it like you said tweaking a few things of course.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I never said I agreed with you or ML. So, you might want to go back and read my post again. I said you both were saying the same thing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


BTW I'll give you something to start with.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteroflexibility

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_orientation

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Biromantic


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL... to be 20 again.
> 
> I'd love to read your updates at age 30.


:smthumbup::smthumbup:



GusPolinski said:


> LOL...
> 
> "Homoflexible".
> 
> Millennials are just adorable.


:lol: :lol:

Aren't they just? So cute!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frusdil said:


> :smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Cute but SOOOOO terribly confused.
I am thankful that I grew up in a time where these crazy words and phrases weren't thought of. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read this stuff.:surprise: 
I am also SOOOO grateful that I am a woman attracted to a man, married to a man who is attracted to a woman.:smile2:


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

frusdil said:


> :smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Funny thing is millennials are people in their 30's actually nowadays... So you're probably more of o than myself. Miolenials are a sad bunch IMO but they were raised by the babyboomers so what can you expect?





Diana7 said:


> Cute but SOOOOO terribly confused.
> I am thankful that I grew up in a time where these crazy words and phrases weren't thought of. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read this stuff.:surprise:
> I am also SOOOO grateful that I am a woman attracted to a man, married to a man who is attracted to a woman.:smile2:


Me too I agree


----------



## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

For the record, my wife is more attracted to women than she is to men. And yet, we have an active and fulfilling sex life and have been together for nearly a decade.

The fact that OP's husband is more attracted to men than women does not mean that their marriage is doomed to fail.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK now that I have some terms for some of the stages in the spectrum from **** to hetero, then your fiancé should not come out as bisexual to your family as that would be confusing. He should come out as a biromantic homoflexible (just to make it less confusing) cheating male who helped to break up a family and slept with another biromantic homoflexible who is married and has children (just as your fiancé is about to be - married with children). At the same time he should own up to and apologise for his bad behaviour and not hide behind the fact that he was only 16 or 18 when it suits him (and apparently you too) yet is grown up enough to be in a serious relationship when it suits him.

And yes I must commend the way you have stood up to us all with unregulated wiki quotes and placing blame on the previous generations (my, oh how original) - my kids went through this although they are now in their mid 20s and are starting to take responsibility for what they need to do going forward (as I am sure you will as a mature responsible parent).

The bottom line is that your fiancé did something bad, your parents found out and suddenly you think that by coming out as bisexual or whatever, that is going to explain why he slept with a married father ? Think about this carefully and try and work out the basic morality that needs to apply. Stop blaming others for his bad behaviour - he needs to own it and apologise and then work on improving himself.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> OK now that I have some terms for some of the stages in the spectrum from **** to hetero, then your fiancé should not come out as bisexual to your family as that would be confusing. He should come out as a biromantic homoflexible (just to make it less confusing) cheating male who helped to break up a family and slept with another biromantic homoflexible who is married and has children (just as your fiancé is about to be - married with children). At the same time he should own up to and apologise for his bad behaviour and not hide behind the fact that he was only 16 or 18 when it suits him (and apparently you too) yet is grown up enough to be in a serious relationship when it suits him.
> 
> And yes I must commend the way you have stood up to us all with unregulated wiki quotes and placing blame on the previous generations (my, oh how original) - my kids went through this although they are now in their mid 20s and are starting to take responsibility for what they need to do going forward (as I am sure you will as a mature responsible parent).
> 
> The bottom line is that your fiancé did something bad, your parents found out and suddenly you think that by coming out as bisexual or whatever, that is going to explain why he slept with a married father ? Think about this carefully and try and work out the basic morality that needs to apply. Stop blaming others for his bad behaviour - he needs to own it and apologise and then work on improving himself.


:smthumbup: My thoughts exactly.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> Funny thing is millennials are people in their 30's actually nowadays... So you're probably more of o than myself. Miolenials are a sad bunch IMO but they were raised by the babyboomers so what can you expect?


Darling I don't know where you get your facts from, but millenials (aka Generation Y) were not raised by baby boomers, that was the Generation X's - like me. I'm old enough to be your mum.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Darling I don't know where you get your facts from, but millenials (aka Generation Y) were not raised by baby boomers, that was the Generation X's - like me. I'm old enough to be your mum.


You must be an early generation X. I'm a late baby boomer. I'm sorry I screwed you up. You are a mess, you know? >

Hell, I don't even know you. How in hell could I mess you up? :grin2:

Also, my parents were raised during and before the Great Depression of 1929. They really messed me up. :crying: :wink2:

The only thing that messed up anyone is a bunch of young kids who think they know it all. It was okay before we gave them the power to make changes. Now, everything is screwed up.

By the way, I was young once and thought I knew everything, and then I actually learned everything.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Since younger is better, more experienced, smarter, and more knowledgeable, why don't you go to a forum for grade school aged children when you have a problem? By your logic, they should have all the answers. 

Think about it. Oh, sorry, my parents might have told me that at one time. Never mind........


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Darling I don't know where you get your facts from, but millenials (aka Generation Y) were not raised by baby boomers, that was the Generation X's - like me. I'm old enough to be your mum.


Good grief they need to stop changing terminology. My sister, who once was a Generation X, is now classified as Millennial (Gen Y). My other sister, who was classified as Gen Y is now termed a Millennial, as is my husband. No wonder we can't keep the generations straight. They keep changing them on us. Oh, and all of us were raised by boomers, who were our parents, not our grandparents. So, on that point, Maj was sort of correct in saying they were raised by baby boomers. But, looming at one page, my nephew is a Millennial raised by a Millennial. Who is his biological mother, who was married when she had him. Seriously. They need to stop regrouping the generations. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Maj1996 said:


> Funny thing is millennials are people in their 30's actually nowadays... So you're probably more of o than myself. Miolenials are a sad bunch IMO but they were raised by the babyboomers so what can you expect?


Well, my millennial husband isn't a sad man. Unless, of course, you count the times when our post-millennial son does something that is often attributed to millennials (because many say millennial, thinking only of those who are early 20s and teens). Younger mad at others stereotyping, yet you do the same. You seem to be trying to bait posters. I would advise you to stop, as that goes against TAM TOS.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

frusdil said:


> Darling I don't know where you get your facts from, but millenials (aka Generation Y) were not raised by baby boomers, that was the Generation X's - like me. I'm old enough to be your mum.


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Z

No my mom is generation x most of that generation were raised by the silent generation including my mom. Some babyboomers did have generation x sadly. Teen pregnancy exist so that's clearly possible. But most were raised by the silent generation. And generation z was raised by the x generation. Some were raised by generation y of course teen pregnancy has always existed.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials#/search


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Z
> 
> No my mom is generation x most of that generation were raised by the silent generation including my mom. Some babyboomers did have generation x sadly. Teen pregnancy exist so that's clearly possible. But most were raised by the silent generation. And generation z was raised by the x generation. Some were raised by generation y of course teen pregnancy has always existed.
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials#/search


I thought Wolverine and Patrick Stewart got rid of the X-Generation! Ras Al Ghool heads up the Silent ones.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, my millennial husband isn't a sad man. Unless, of course, you count the times when our post-millennial son does something that is often attributed to millennials (because many say millennial, thinking only of those who are early 20s and teens). Younger mad at others stereotyping, yet you do the same. You seem to be trying to bait posters. I would advise you to stop, as that goes against TAM TOS.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


I'm not trying to offend. At all. I am just being clear that I'm not a millennial. Millennial s tend to be more liberal than post millennials I was born in 96 he station z starts in 1994. I was called a millennial and I just was correcting the post who said I was one. BTW millennials are in their mid 20's not early 20's that's the beginning of generation z post millennials. I know because I'm on personality cafe. Many people born in even 1993 feel they are y/z cusp.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Meh half my slang, exaggeration of course, is now in the dictionary and considered accepted phrases and words. 

LOL.

Baby Boomers are basically the last unchanged labeled group with births from 1946-1964. After that it is a crap shoot, I've seen "millenail" stretched to 35, when they removed generation Y in some studies. I stopped caring long ago.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

manfromlamancha said:


> OK now that I have some terms for some of the stages in the spectrum from **** to hetero, then your fiancé should not come out as bisexual to your family as that would be confusing. He should come out as a biromantic homoflexible (just to make it less confusing) cheating male who helped to break up a family and slept with another biromantic homoflexible who is married and has children (just as your fiancé is about to be - married with children). At the same time he should own up to and apologise for his bad behaviour and not hide behind the fact that he was only 16 or 18 when it suits him (and apparently you too) yet is grown up enough to be in a serious relationship when it suits him.
> 
> And yes I must commend the way you have stood up to us all with unregulated wiki quotes and placing blame on the previous generations (my, oh how original) - my kids went through this although they are now in their mid 20s and are starting to take responsibility for what they need to do going forward (as I am sure you will as a mature responsible parent).
> 
> The bottom line is that your fiancé did something bad, your parents found out and suddenly you think that by coming out as bisexual or whatever, that is going to explain why he slept with a married father ? Think about this carefully and try and work out the basic morality that needs to apply. Stop blaming others for his bad behaviour - he needs to own it and apologise and then work on improving himself.


This is the only no nonsense post that was made since I left so I'll reply.

My fiance didn't cheat on anyone and we decided its best he comes out. To them. Not all the details but just as a simpler term like bisexual. If they don't believe him its OK but they know where we both stand and how I accept him and know about his previous relationship. And am OK with it.

I think a big factor was that he was younger which is why he made poor decisions on this. But hes already said in the past when we first for together that he regretted the relationship altogether its nothing hes proud of.


Well like I said the whole thing was technically illegal. So I mean it shouldn't have happened to begin with beyond my fiance's actions. I think generally about the whole affair thing considering his agewhen it happened will help my family at least be quiet about it. That's the approach we've agreed on so yeah. Its all figured out 

Thank you for your input.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm not trying to offend. At all. I am just being clear that I'm not a millennial. Millennial s tend to be more liberal than post millennials I was born in 96 he station z starts in 1994. I was called a millennial and I just was correcting the post who said I was one. BTW millennials are in their mid 20's not early 20's that's the beginning of generation z post millennials. I know because I'm on personality cafe. Many people born in even 1993 feel they are y/z cusp.


It is undefined and this is why I gave up worrying about the different generations. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials


> *There are no precise dates for when this cohort starts or ends;* demographers and researchers typically use the early *1980s as starting birth years and the mid-1990s to early 2000s *


So, yeah, you can be considered a millenial according to your own source for information.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Meh half my slang, exaggeration of course, is now in the dictionary and considered accepted phrases and words.
> 
> LOL.
> 
> Baby Boomers are basically the last unchanged labeled group with births from 1946-1964. After that it is a crap shoot, I've seen "millenail" stretched to 35, when they removed generation Y in some studies. I stopped caring long ago.


Its actually up to 37 in general sometimes 39/40.

The youngest of the generation 24 or 25. Sometimes it foes up to 95. So its like 20/21. But generally 92/93 are the cut off years.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> It is undefined and this is why I gave up worrying about the different generations.
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials
> 
> So, yeah, you can be considered a millenial according to your own source for information.


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Z

Generation of people now being born; earliest birth dates for this generation are described as early as 1994 or as late as 2005


Most of the time generation z starts in the mid 90's. I was born in the mid to late 90's so I'd be a post millennial. For more reasons than that I'm a post millennial. I came of age long after 2000 and well into the 10's. Generation z matures in the 10'd not the 00's.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Tthe wiki link you posted credits "Authors William Strauss and Neil Howe" with coining the term millennial. Here is the age group they use for their theory.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strauss–Howe_generational_theory



> Millennials (Generation Y)2 Hero (Civic) 1982–2004 (22)


You believe one thing, while others believe another. So, we will just have to disagree. I've already made too much work for the mods so, last response on this subject to you.


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm not sure what all the talk about generations is about or why it is relevant.

The only thing that strikes me (and made me guess your age before you stated it yourself) is that you both still care too much about what your parents think. I remember being around your age, doing some things that my parents didn't approve of, including getting pregnant at the "wrong" age (per my parents opinion) and being crushed by the idea that they were disappointed in me or didn't support me 100%. It was a really big deal to me then. 

I look back now- about 10 years later - and don't feel that way anymore and realize my need to have my parents approval was because of my age. My only regret about that time of my life is how I handled it. I should have had a very frank conversation with my parents and told them the following:

Parents, I understand that as your daughter you want what is best for me and that you worry about my wellbeing. I am now an adult and I am making my own decisions. You do not have to agree with my decisions, but I hope that we can be peaceful with each other and maintain a relationship with each other despite your opinions about what I am or am not doing. I would like my child to have a relationship with their grandparents. However, if you continue to berate my life and/or my husband and my choices, I feel I have no choice but to separate myself and my family from you. My husband and my child should not be subjected to your negativity and as a wife and mother my responsibility is now to them. What happens behind closed doors is not anyone else's business, including yours. I love you and hope that you will feel comfortable being a part of our lives moving forward."

In other words, I hope that you will realize that what your parents think doesn't matter anymore. You don't owe them an explanation about anything.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Tthe wiki link you posted credits "Authors William Strauss and Neil Howe" with coining the term millennial. Here is the age group they use for their theory.
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strauss–Howe_generational_theory
> 
> 
> ...


Lol you're desperately cherry picking there are 8 sources that says says it ends before 96 and most of those mention the mid 90's which would start at 93/94 way before 96





MetLife which uses birth dates ranging from 1977–1994,[25] and Nielsen Media Research which uses 1977–1995.[26][27]

The majority of researchers and demographers start the generation in the early 1980s. Many end the generation in the mid-1990s. Australia's McCrindle Research[28] uses 1980–1994.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials#/search


Just like the last thing you mentioned you are clearly wrong


Basically millennial is a 90's kid. I was only 3 maybe in the 90's. I do t remember the 90's. You can see the descriptions apply to people born in mid 90%s 04 at the latest.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why is stereotyping people so important to you? 

First there is the basket full of words to stereotype people based on their bisexuality... to which degree a person is or is not attracted to a particular gender.

Now it's labels/stereotypes based on when a person is born.

While the media might use these terms, in real life they mean very little.

People are individuals. Stereotypes don't work on the individual level.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

She already knows that EleGirl. She said she knows more than her elders. They only screwed up her and the world as she knows it. That's all there is of it, what she was taught. We know everything written for education has no bias at all and includes both sides of every story to help youths learn how to think and make decisions based on facts and the opinions of both sides. 

The sarcasm in my post was almost overwhelming for me. I might have to take a nap. I'm of the baby boomer generation, you know. It hurts to think. I have to forget all that I was taught to form a cogent analysis.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Why is stereotyping people so important to you?
> 
> First there is the basket full of words to stereotype people based on their bisexuality... to which degree a person is or is not attracted to a particular gender.
> 
> ...


Eww that's hypocritical. You called my fiance gay. So you were stereotyping very readily. Why not practice what you preach. 

Please and thank you.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> She already knows that EleGirl. She said she knows more than her elders. They only screwed up her and the world as she knows it. That's all there is of it, what she was taught. We know everything written for education has no bias at all and includes both sides of every story to help youths learn how to think and make decisions based on facts and the opinions of both sides.
> 
> The sarcasm in my post was almost overwhelming for me. I might have to take a nap. I'm of the baby boomer generation, you know. It hurts to think. I have to forget all that I was taught to form a cogent analysis.


You're just upset I don't appreciate the largely liberal generations. With good reason.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Maj1996 said:


> We're both actually excited to be expecting our first child its not unwanted and we're both looming forward to our future marriage. Its not a disaster its the best relationship I've been in yet.


Oh come on. At a mere 20 years old, what other relationship COULD you viably compare this to - you're fresh out of high school. You can hardly compare teenage high school romances to this current dysfunctional situation, so you don't even have a benchmark 'good' relationship by which to measure.

I agree with the other posters who say they'd love to hear what you have to say in 10 years. Cause contrary to what you fervently believe, you're only 20 with zero life experience and your outlook IS going to change. Sadly, at 20 you *don't *know everything like you think you do.

But you'll find out.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Maj1996 said:


> You're just upset I don't appreciate the largely liberal generations. With good reason.


That was a good retort. It actually made me laugh. Thanks. 

Nope, not liberal. Not today's conservative, either.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Eww that's hypocritical. You called my fiance gay. So you were stereotyping very readily. Why not practice what you preach.
> 
> Please and thank you.


There you go mincing words again. I don't care what your fiancé's sexual orientation is. He's a human. It's all good. He's ok. I don't need a basket full of words to measure him by.

:rofl::banghead:


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It's hard to figure out what you're looking for here. You've been told it's no one else's business what your boyfriend's sexual orientation is. Do you want to change your parents' minds about his sexuality so they'll be more open to you tapping their wallet?


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

Well apparently hes been keeping some stuff to himself. It came out that hes done this before with other men in hs.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Well apparently hes been keeping some stuff to himself. It came out that hes done this before with other men in hs.


How did that come out?

How do you feel about it?


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How did that come out?
> 
> How do you feel about it?


His ex friend said he'd been doing that since he was 13 with older married men he dfound online randomly he confirmed that he did have affairs when he was that young and that he didnt know why but when he was a kid he was really interested in older men who were usually married and that hes changed that he wouldn't do it now and that hes ashamed and all that but he kept all this as a secret from me and in the dark that's what is getting at me. But its not the worst thing its just I trusted him and now I found out to some extent he lied to me.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Maj1996 said:


> His ex friend said he'd been doing that since he was 13 with older married men he dfound online randomly he confirmed that he did have affairs when he was that young and that he didnt know why but when he was a kid he was really interested in older men who were usually married and that hes changed that he wouldn't do it now and that hes ashamed and all that but he kept all this as a secret from me and in the dark that's what is getting at me. But its not the worst thing its just I trusted him and now I found out to some extent he lied to me.


In my opinion someone's early sexual experiences have a much stronger tendency to become imprinted on someone's personality and impact preferences moving forwards. So if you are now in a monogamous relationship with someone for which you are not exactly able to nurture those initial experiences of his, and it sounds more as if he is perhaps enjoying a relationship with you as a way to run away from his first sexual experiences.

Does your family need to know all of this? NO! This is between you and your fiance and it should be considered private. Unless "he" is the one that wants to be open about it with everyone, but that would come across to me more like an advertisement of being available to other men in my opinion. If he is truly monogamous, his bisexuality is now none of anyone's business but yours so that you can understand him and know him. 

My advice? DO NOT be in a hurry to get married! Take your time as you two are still very young. You should NOT rush into marriage out of fear that you will have a baby out of wedlock just because you worry what people will think. You should marry because you and you fiance want to and there are no doubts what so ever.

Regards, 
Badsanta


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

I'm not sold he's in denial about the experiences not being abusive. Because he says the stuff he did at 13-16 were affairs too and the men were in their 40's or 50's I think there's a deeper issue dealing with like trauma... Etc...


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm not sold he's in denial about the experiences not being abusive. Because he says the stuff he did at 13-16 were affairs too and the men were in their 40's or 50's *I think there's a deeper issue dealing with like trauma...* Etc...


I am admittedly NO EXPERT on trauma, but from what I have read most people tend to withdraw sexually. So if you two have been enjoying a very active and fulfilling sex life, it would seem as though your partner grew from those experiences as opposed to shutting himself down. However if he was only 13 and his partners were in their 40's or 50's, then you are very correct to label it as trauma b/c it would be defined legally as "statutory rape" in many cases and his partner should be a registered sex offender. 

I am however just trying to point out that regardless of what happened that your partner is somehow managing to have an active and fulfilling sex life with you which based on your description seems as though the relationship with you is a healthy one for him. 



Maj1996 said:


> we have a great relationship and a great sex life. Plus it doesn't bother me I find gay sex a turn on.


Just do NOT be in a hurry to get married until you get everything sorted out! Take your time, perhaps even go to some marriage counseling together as a preemptive way to help make going into your planned marriage even stronger. Obviously bisexuality will create a unique dynamic in a monogamous relationship over the long term, and you two really should talk about that very openly with a third party that is trained to help couples with things of this very nature. This way you two can get married with confidence and make it more meaningful. Or you may determine that you need a little extra time to help each other sort some things out with one another.

There very well may be some aspects of your personality that would attract you to someone of this nature that you may not fully understand, and your desires for a threesome to watch him be with another man may actually be more traumatic for your partner than you are fully aware. Or perhaps it is not. But I would not get married until you feel confident about everything. Obviously the fact you are here asking for help is a red flag all on its own!

Take your time. There is no hurry. You two will have your whole lives to get to know one another now that you are each working towards getting married. If you do get married, make sure it means something that you can both really be proud to share!

Regards,
Badsanta


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> His ex friend said he'd been doing that since he was 13 with older married men he dfound online randomly he confirmed that he did have affairs when he was that young and that he didnt know why but when he was a kid he was really interested in older men who were usually married and that hes changed that he wouldn't do it now and that hes ashamed and all that but he kept all this as a secret from me and in the dark that's what is getting at me. But its not the worst thing its just I trusted him and now I found out to some extent he lied to me.


So he lied to you and only admitted this after you found out. It's highly likely that there is a lot more that he is not telling you. He's already proven that although you are the his biggest and most loyal champion, he will lie to you. You are willing to accept anything he tells you and not hold it against him, but he's lying.

I have no doubt that over time more and more will be coming out. This is probably the tip of the iceberg.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

badsanta said:


> I am admittedly NO EXPERT on trauma, but from what I have read most people tend to withdraw sexually. So if you two have been enjoying a very active and fulfilling sex life, it would seem as though your partner grew from those experiences as opposed to shutting himself down. However if he was only 13 and his partners were in their 40's or 50's, then you are very correct to label it as trauma b/c it would be defined legally as "statutory rape" in many cases and his partner should be a registered sex offender.


I did volunteer work for years for children who were victims of sexual abuse. A 13-16 year old having 'affairs' with older men is childhood sexual abuse. A very large percentage of victims of sexual abuse become hyper sexual , they act out sexually. 

Some withdraw sexually. Some act out.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> I'm not sold he's in denial about the experiences not being abusive. Because he says the stuff he did at 13-16 were affairs too and the men were in their 40's or 50's I think there's a deeper issue dealing with like trauma... Etc...


A lot of victims of sexual abuse become confused because they enjoyed the sexual experience. They have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that they were abused when in fact they liked the attention and the sex. It often makes them feel special.

However, the issue is that that they liked it. The issue is that an adult took advantage of the child's vulnerability to use them sexually.

And Bad Santa is right. Studies show that a person's earliest sexual experiences have a profound impact of that child's sexual preferences in when they are adults.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

@Maj1996

Even if you do not agree with @EleGirl I've been around these forums long enough to know she actually cares, so try and appreciate that.

Regards, 
Badsanta


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

badsanta said:


> I am admittedly NO EXPERT on trauma, but from what I have read most people tend to withdraw sexually. So if you two have been enjoying a very active and fulfilling sex life, it would seem as though your partner grew from those experiences as opposed to shutting himself down. However if he was only 13 and his partners were in their 40's or 50's, then you are very correct to label it as trauma b/c it would be defined legally as "statutory rape" in many cases and his partner should be a registered sex offender.
> 
> I am however just trying to point out that regardless of what happened that your partner is somehow managing to have an active and fulfilling sex life with you which based on your description seems as though the relationship with you is a healthy one for him.
> 
> ...


His excuse is wlhe went online to look for them and lied about his age even going to great lengths of showing fake identification. To me that doesn't change that it could have a traumatic effect on him since he was only 13 when he started doing this. That it seems from what I looked up he had all three of the major symptoms of like denial of other stuff. It seems he has a lot in common with other male survivors IMO. I don't think it matters if his partners knew or if they were pedophiles or not considering they may not have known I'm not with any of them. I'm with him. So i mean I guess I don't like the idea of him suppressing his past events/experiences. So far things are good but what if something comes up. Ive been reading how people bury sexual abuse and the like it always comes back to haunt them. And its an unhealthy practice as it is. And so I don't want that for him in the least.

We're still engaged the date hasn't changed but if it needs it will. I got to have a conversation with him tonight.


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> So he lied to you and only admitted this after you found out. It's highly likely that there is a lot more that he is not telling you. He's already proven that although you are the his biggest and most loyal champion, he will lie to you. You are willing to accept anything he tells you and not hold it against him, but he's lying.
> 
> I have no doubt that over time more and more will be coming out. This is probably the tip of the iceberg.


Well the thing is it seems its something hes suppressing and trying to hide from himself


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is he a person who seeks a lot of attention?


----------



## Maj1996 (Mar 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Is he a person who seeks a lot of attention?


No not at all.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maj1996 said:


> Well the thing is it seems its something hes suppressing and trying to hide from himself


I think this is a very typical scenario. He's young and unsure of who he is and how to deal with it. There will most likely come a time when he comes to terms with all this. That usually happens about age 30 for a guy.


----------

