# When she emails...



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I wanted to write about how when I check my emails and see that I get one from the ex, how my stomach drops into my legs and I open it like its a ticking bomb. 99% of the time its news that in some way means that the ex has mismanaged her finances or some other important detail and instead of "she" cutting back on her "own" expenses and bullsh!t, she picks things around her to put on the chopping block. 
This time, its my daughter's summer day care. 
Despite a five digit windfall last year from her work, (they discontinued one of a few retirement programs, of which $$ from each of her paychecks goes into each of these programs..)
I know she spent a lot of that cash on remodeling the old marital home and getting new washer/dryers (front loading, with optional drawer shelving underneath), she paid off her car, paid off a few credit cards, and who knows what else.
Well, evidently as so many SO VERY MANY times in the past shes overspent, and life surprises hit, and whats the first thing she deems an unnecessary expense? Daycare for our daughter.
Granted it would be the last year that our kid can go to daycare because shes 10, and they stop allowing them in daycare when they reach 5th grade, but still... 
How about you cut out that platinum cable package?
I have rabbit ears over the air t.v. and so far its been okay.
I dont have internet access at my house.
I dont have gym memberships or tanning salon memberships, nor do i visit the nail salon for a "hundred dollar nailjob"..

So when the sh!t hits the fan its nice to know not a word I ever said made it thru her thick skull, and shes ready to axe every part of everyone else's life to make up the difference.
Her new boyfriend doesnt pay anything towards the house over there, or food, or utilities, or for his dog living there.
Gee, my ex-wife.. such a generous soul, towards something she wants....

I think my kid will be okay, I sure as hell dont like it, and dont know what I can do about it, as I walked away with five digits in credit card debt amassed thru the marriage years...

So I get the emails, explaining the problems I knew would still prevail with her life, and her answer is to look everywhere but her own closet for junk to throw out and stop wasting money on.

Truly, a sign of narcissism? Immaturity? "Good Parenting"?.

I remember first talking about the divorce. 
How she had already spoken to her divorced girlfriend whose husband was going into the big house because of failing to pay his taxes, and for fraud.
So my exwife asks THIS "friend" all about the divorce process, and comes to me and says..."I just want whatever the norm is, whatever the state says youre supposed to pay"..
Ah,,,"entitlement"... so blinding, so misleading.

Had I have had a few thousand to hire my own lawyer, it would not have been so cut and dry, where I leave the whole infidelity on her part, out of the equation. I guess she just assumed that going by what her friend got out of the divorce, that she would get the same.. 

Meanwhile, I was studying the Texas Family Law codes, and finding out exactly what my rights and obligations were.
How ridiculous it is to then discuss matters with someone already decided that she was going to be primary custodian and would be receiving support payments,, I guess because she was a "she"?

FCKING loser. I wish she'd fk off and leave me alone.
I hate seeing emails from her because its just more of the same old crap. More of her causing problems in her own life, and then somehow twisting it into a problem with our kid that she just HAS to talk to me about. 
"Are you guys doing anything tonite, because I wanted to COME BY and talk to you about the daycare...."

UMMMM.. no thanks. I dont want you coming by.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

by the way, I told her we had already discussed the daycare issue on last weeks email, and that it was already settled. 

I dont want her over at my house. 
I am not her pawn or her helper or her friend.
I am not her fallback guy, her confidant, or her last resort.
If she were smart, she'd find a way to leave me alone.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

ugh. Atleast it sounds like you got your own things under capable management buddy. It was less than two months since I cut my ex the equalization check... so I figure I have atleast a few more before she burns through it and I start getting emails and texts like the ones you are getting.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Instead, she finds ways to make every problem of hers a sudden issue with the kid, which then gives her the room to contact "me" about something... 

I wonder what she expected me to say? Hey, Dumbass!, your kid comes first? 

Its amazing how some people just dont possess those natural sensibilities..


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Lon said:


> ugh. Atleast it sounds like you got your own things under capable management buddy. It was less than two months since I cut my ex the equalization check... so I figure I have atleast a few more before she burns through it and I start getting emails and texts like the ones you are getting.


---Keep records of everything for sure.. you never know when screwing you over is going to be an option for them..


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I guess the karma bus is catching up to her. There is no excuse for not being able to control one's expenditures, especially if a child is involved. It sucks but people like that will start burning themselves at some point and wonder what they did wrong.

But I like your attitude, keep telling her f*** off. Just be ready when your kid needs you.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

If you are paying her some child support, maybe you can send it directly to the child care instead of to her. SO glad my kids are adults going through this


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## cryin (Feb 15, 2012)

she sounds like she is a borderline personality with narcissistic defense traits.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

cryin said:


> she sounds like she is a borderline personality with narcissistic defense traits.


She sounds like a greedy lunatic.


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

This is exactly what I am worried about within the next year, Shoo. My ex always had spending problems and was always in debt in her first marriage. I could never keep our finances straight and it put a lot of strain on the relationship over the years. I'm pinching pennies and she has a new hair color, new nails, and new clothes on top of her new car and a week long honeymoon planned with hubs # 3 this summer after their wedding. WHere in the heck is she getting all of this money? I'm barely scraping by! I just do not get it. THis month will be the first month in over 3 years where I will have extra money at the end that I can put into a savings account. May only be a few hundred but it is going to look nice sitting in an account that has only my name on it.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I dont know what her problem is. But I will tell you this, if anything about this divorce gives me hope, its that I dont have my "life's partner", my "soulmate" working against the very security of our future financially as well as that little ol' bout with infidelity...

I probably negate any premise of my own maturity, by calling her names, here on this forum. For that I would offer an apology to boardmembers here.. I guess "growth" doesnt include bouts of Tourettes towards her. Stating that she "just gets me so mad" sort of loses its impact in text form.

Distance. Really thats all I need, thats all I needed to begin with. Having to drop the kid off at her doorstep every week, and seeing her, seems to invite with it some level of involvement that I'd rather just not have. Now that the daycare is over, I will be dropping her off more frequently, and I'd rather not have to see the ex so much. 

From what I gather from the ex as of late, shes feigning some sort of "i am already all past this" attitude having never shown any remorse, having never offered an apology, to which I probably should never expect. But to act as if nothings happened, and that all is well right now, is just the mindset of a shallow soul. I can "be" at a point that I am "all past this" too, and I hate that any amount of it could ever be construed as a missing of her or some residual love for her, because I assure you, that love that once existed was completely extinguished, and I have nothing, I feel nothing for that woman anymore. 
To do someone wrong in this manner, and then have no maturity or level of humanity to realize and at least admit a wrong, rather than sit there and hold their breath while turning purple is beyond me. How someone can be so empty. 

I hope she wises up sometime. At least for the sake of her own financial future. I could care less about her otherwise, thats just where I am anymore towards her. 
Greedy lunatic, BPD, narcissism, all seemingly appropriate descriptions of what Ive seen over the years.
I wouldve never thought it would come to this.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

one of the reasons I'm getting divorced so quickly is that I know he's going to burn through that money in a couple of years, and I don't want him crawling back for more

do these women have no self respect? I have refused to take a penny off him, he'll need every single one!!! I'd rather do three jobs than live off a man, good god


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Im right with you dolly same reason im divorcing so fast too- it looks like hes already burned thru most of the money i gave him in the separation- aww too bad so sad 

Im glad at least im a financially independent woman, that hes been depending on me not the other way around


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> Im right with you dolly same reason im divorcing so fast too- it looks like hes already burned thru most of the money i gave him in the separation- aww too bad so sad
> 
> Im glad at least im a financially independent woman, that hes been depending on me not the other way around


and I get paid next week, and have still got about £800 to SPARE - for the first time in 13 years :rofl:

and then I'm gonna sell my rings and take me and D on holiday ha ha


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Nice enjoy- I sold mine the other week ( since i had really paid for them anyway) got a nice chunk of change- put most away for a rainy day but the rest i went and got some more new clothes/shoes for me to look HOT in


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I paid for mine too - what a couple of red flag ignorers we are...


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

I was so stupid- but at least i have learned from my mistakes ( hopefully) so moving forward i will have my eye out for the red flags and not be so blinded by love- older and wiser i think


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