# In Process of divorce after fight with my wife



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

(Sorry for my english) Me [31] and my wife [29] (No kids) we are now in process of divorcing and here is my story. We are married for 2.5 years now; our relationship was always tough. 

One night she went out of bed at around midnight and went for a walk, we live in Dublin Ireland, and it was raining, whether was bad overall. I tried reaching her over the phone but there was no signal, she came back 1 hour later and went to bed, refused to talk about this. Next day she was very frustrated, and we fought about small things and she accused me that I am dismissive, not supportive etc. 

I felt she suddenly changed her behavior toward me. She asked me to go shopping and when I agreed, she said she won't be able to pay attention to me as she will be talking over the phone, when I agreed with that we fought again and postponed the shopping. Few hours later she went shopping alone, 1 hour later I gave her a call just to discover she was in a bar. She refused to share her location and she said she is alone at first at that time the discussion was over. I gave her a 2nd and 3rd call and the things escalated as I demanded the truth, but she only said she will be at home in 30 min to discuss. I went to the nearest bar to find her with our Neighbour and my ex-colleague. 

I talked with him on private and he shared they were together last night and that he invited her on a walk. At that time my wife left the bar alone and went home. I also went home, and she came to me to discuss the issues. I asked her why she refused to share her location and why she said she was alone, she tried to explain that she was going to share it when she feels it is the right time. I also asked her about the night before walk and she said she was alone, but as I already knew she was not I manipulated her and said that I knew she was at the apartment of our neighbor. At some point she confirmed my suspicious they were there together and tbh she changed the story quite few times. 

Few days later I decided to ask her to show me her text messages with him and she refused and accused me that I violate her privacy and that I am abusive, and I have trust issues. She declined that they have anything romantic (they both declined) and she said they were just friend. That day she left our home and get temporary accommodation, she also said she is moving out and she wants a divorce. Later I discovered that the guy helped her of moving her things out of our home (that day she asked me where I am and if I will be back at home many times, I was very suspicious). Many other small red flags happened and tbh this is not the first time she went out of home, prior she did the same for 2 months, I also had suspicious as she didn't have solid reason for moving out and acted weird in many ways.

I have moved with divorce documents, and everything is on the way, I feel there is no way back.

She accused me that it is mostly my fault and honestly, I feel bad about it as I was definitely not perfect. She still denies of cheating, and she said I have trust issues and she can't be with someone who is jealous. Also, the thing which broke my heart is that she said we had horrible last 10 months, and she was unhappy, I was dismissive. On the other hand, before this had happened, she pushed me to accept new job mostly because of longer parental leave, we were trying for babies, she didn't seem unhappy to me, we were making plans for the future etc. I feel sad, but I can't accept her behavior and decided to push for divorce especially when she said that she doesn't love me.

Folks what I should have done differently, what should I do now?


----------



## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

Whatever you do, don’t complicate it by having babies. You’re less than three years in, cut her loose so she can do what she pleases, she’s a cheat.


----------



## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

you know she cheated with more than one guy
you are doing the right thing. stop talking to her and move on
do not, I repeat do no have sex with her - you might catch STD or get her pregnant and stuck with child support

do not speak to her and go 180 until divorce


----------



## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

you are very luck and blessed you found about her before too long and with kids. so many were not that lucky - i think it is god way to save you for a miserable life - there is some truly love you waiting for you out there


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Thanks all for your inputs! I also didn't mention that she was visiting a male guitarist for about 3-4 months for preparing for a concert, but at some point I become suspicious as she started not to answer her phone and their visits become more frequent. She deleted her chats with everyone I though she flirts or do anything sexual. And she blame me that I have trust issues and I am jealous. Frankly I did some toxic things to her, mostly some sort of revenge because I found her behaviour unacceptable, I regret about that, but I believe there was no hope of saving this relationship. I never had the same gut feelings or insecurities in neither of my previous relationships. She is accusing me of destroying our marriage and that she had not done anything wrong ever, sometimes I am not sure if this is a gaslighting or I am super bad.


----------



## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Your marriage has become horribly toxic. Clearly she is cheating, and you've behaved poorly as well. Best to just D and move on, and do your best to be a better husband next time. But you certainly don't deserve to be cheated on.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Exit37 said:


> Your marriage has become horribly toxic. Clearly she is cheating, and you've behaved poorly as well. Best to just D and move on, and do your best to be a better husband next time. But you certainly don't deserve to be cheated on.


I agree I did a lot of toxic bs and will try not to do the same ever. I suspect she cheated with 3+ (more likely 5+) people, 2 of them at the same time. Also before we started to date I already knew she cheated on her ex whom I knew with another my friend, so I guess I was biased towards her.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Just divorce and move on. No guilt.

Whatever you do, don't have sex with her again - last thing you need is a kid with her.


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

What you should do now is accept that your marriage is over & you are about to be divorced. Consult a lawyer / solicitor / barrister to protect your rights.

Somewhere your communications with your wife went off the rails. She felt abused or unheard. Unfortunately instead of addressing that she turned to other men. Two wrongs don't make a right & here they have destroyed any hope of reconciliation.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

traychev said:


> Folks what I should have done differently, what should I do now?


Don't get hung up on what you should have done differently, there will be time to figure that out with a therapist, and by reading plenty here on TAM.

'What should you do now?' is the most important thing and you've gotten great advice. Divorce as fast as possible and move on.
The woman you thought was your wife is not yours.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When she finds the next perfect sucker, that becomes her exit affair.

The other's were practice runs!

This partner of yours is a floozy.

Your mate picker is broken-rendered, your wife's is open-ended.


----------



## bygone (11 mo ago)

i have to ask

You knew she cheated with 3/5 people, guitarist, neighbor and ex-boyfriend

you caught them at the bar, she went to someone else's house at night etc.

Why did you wait until your wife left you?

she has every right to talk about you as much as she wants, she's out the door and people know you've been abandoned.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

traychev said:


> Folks what I should have done differently, what should I do now?


What you should have done differently is kicked her to the curb before she left on her own. This woman is not marriage material. She lies freely and hangs out with other men. Be glad she is gone and this happened before you had children.


----------



## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Even if she didn't cheat her behavior not been trustworthy. You two obviously don't work together


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

bygone said:


> i have to ask
> 
> You knew she cheated with 3/5 people, guitarist, neighbor and ex-boyfriend
> 
> ...


I suspected those affairs, but I never had a proof of cheating, and she denied every time. Only time I actually caught her was in the bar with the guy and when she admitted been at his apartment for 1h during midnight, and even than she denied anything. My gut feeling tells me she had cheated, so I pushed for divorce, but still I am not 100% sure.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

traychev said:


> (Sorry for my english) Me [31] and my wife [29] (No kids) we are now in process of divorcing and here is my story. We are married for 2.5 years now; our relationship was always tough. One night she went out of bed at around midnight and went for a walk, we live in Dublin Ireland, and it was raining, whether was bad overall. I tried reaching her over the phone but there was no signal, she came back 1 hour later and went to bed, refused to talk about this. Next day she was very frustrated, and we fought about small things and she accused me that I am dismissive, not supportive etc. I felt she suddenly changed her behavior toward me. She asked me to go shopping and when I agreed, she said she won't be able to pay attention to me as she will be talking over the phone, when I agreed with that we fought again and postponed the shopping. Few hours later she went shopping alone, 1 hour later I gave her a call just to discover she was in a bar. She refused to share her location and she said she is alone at first at that time the discussion was over. I gave her a 2nd and 3rd call and the things escalated as I demanded the truth, but she only said she will be at home in 30 min to discuss. I went to the nearest bar to find her with our Neighbour and my ex-colleague. I talked with him on private and he shared they were together last night and that he invited her on a walk. At that time my wife left the bar alone and went home. I also went home, and she came to me to discuss the issues. I asked her why she refused to share her location and why she said she was alone, she tried to explain that she was going to share it when she feels it is the right time. I also asked her about the night before walk and she said she was alone, but as I already knew she was not I manipulated her and said that I knew she was at the apartment of our neighbor. At some point she confirmed my suspicious they were there together and tbh she changed the story quite few times. Few days later I decided to ask her to show me her text messages with him and she refused and accused me that I violate her privacy and that I am abusive, and I have trust issues. She declined that they have anything romantic (they both declined) and she said they were just friend. That day she left our home and get temporary accommodation, she also said she is moving out and she wants a divorce. Later I discovered that the guy helped her of moving her things out of our home (that day she asked me where I am and if I will be back at home many times, I was very suspicious). Many other small red flags happened and tbh this is not the first time she went out of home, prior she did the same for 2 months, I also had suspicious as she didn't have solid reason for moving out and acted weird in many ways.
> 
> I have moved with divorce documents, and everything is on the way, I feel there is no way back.
> 
> ...


You did OK, don't worry about it.

She is pushing the narrative that if you can't PROVE she was cheating, then you have no business acting as you do, or demanding that she be accountable. That is a false narrative.

In reality, she is acting JUST AS IF she was cheating. She is being disrespectful of your marriage. She is NOT putting her husband first above all other relationships.

The truth is, there's not that much difference between acting like a person who is cheating and actually being a cheater. (And, for the record, if i had to bet, I would bet that she cheated anyway, but that's besides the point.). The disrespect, the lack of boundaries, the contempt for your feelings and her responsibilities as a spouse are the same.

Divorce. She's doing you a favor by divorcing. In fact, if she's motivated to divorce you, this may be your opportunity to get the best deal you can from a divorce settlement.

And don't worry about "what you could have done differently to save your marriage." The problem is not in you. It is in her selfish nature. She would have stabbed you in the back at some point, just because of her nature. Better now, before your lives get more intertwined than they are. 

And NEVER take her back. A leopard can't change her spots.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

traychev said:


> I suspected those affairs, but I never had a proof of cheating, and she denied every time. Only time I actually caught her was in the bar with the guy and when she admitted been at his apartment for 1h during midnight, and even than she denied anything. My gut feeling tells me she had cheated, so I pushed for divorce, but still I am not 100% sure.


As I posted above, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE 100% SURE. In fact, it's irrelevant. Her disrespect, selfishness and lack of consideration is enough to divorce her.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

traychev said:


> I suspected those affairs, but I never had a proof of cheating, and she denied every time. Only time I actually caught her was in the bar with the guy and when she admitted been at his apartment for 1h during midnight, and even than she denied anything. My gut feeling tells me she had cheated, so I pushed for divorce, but still I am not 100% sure.


Even if you remove sex from the equation, is it really appropriate for your wife to be in another man's apartment at midnight and hanging at a bar with guys AND lying to you about it? 

That said, she is cheating on you. You have to be blind not to see it. What do you need, to see another man's penis inside her? Guess what, even if you did she would still probably deny it. It must have just fallen in there or something ridiculous. 


She leaves home without telling you where and won't answer her phone
Her "walk" was with another man
She picks fights over small stuff
She lies saying that she is going shopping, but instead goes to a bar with a couple guys
You have a neighbor and ex-colleague that know it is okay if they ask your wife out on a date (yes, she is dating other men right in front of you)
She lies even when confronted with the truth
She changes her stories
She isn't transparent with her phone and messing apps
She gaslights you
She said she wants a divorce
She has another guy moving her out behind your back

Look at that list. What do you make of all that?


----------



## bygone (11 mo ago)

traychev said:


> I suspected those affairs, but I never had a proof of cheating, and she denied every time. Only time I actually caught her was in the bar with the guy and when she admitted been at his apartment for 1h during midnight, and even than she denied anything. My gut feeling tells me she had cheated, so I pushed for divorce, but still I am not 100% sure.


she has a history of cheating

she's been visiting the male guitarist for 3/4 months (I'm assuming she went to the guy's house)

She gets out of bed on a rainy night and comes back a few hours later!

She doesn't tell you where she is and you see her at the bar with the man!

you had every proof except catching her in bed,


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Move on like her head was on fire. Seriously what is taking you so long? You are the perfect mark for her.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Wolfman1968 said:


> You did OK, don't worry about it.
> 
> She is pushing the narrative that if you can't PROVE she was cheating, then you have no business acting as you do, or demanding that she be accountable. That is a false narrative.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing this, I found it very helpful and honestly I think the same way.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Even if you remove sex from the equation, is it really appropriate for your wife to be in another man's apartment at midnight and hanging at a bar with guys AND lying to you about it?
> 
> That said, she is cheating on you. You have to be blind not to see it. What do you need, to see another man's penis inside her? Guess what, even if you did she would still probably deny it. It must have just fallen in there or something ridiculous.
> 
> ...


Absolutely agree, it makes it obvious. What hurts the most is that we were planning on having kids, we were trying, I changed a job for longer paternity leave and many other, but she said that she wanted to divorce me since 10 months and all she did was because she couldn't do it on her own, which I find extremely toxic and basically ruining my life and all my plans.


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

traychev said:


> Absolutely agree, it makes it obvious. What hurts the most is that we were planning on having kids, we were trying, I changed a job for longer paternity leave and many other, but she said that she wanted to divorce me since 10 months and all she did was because she couldn't do it on her own, which I find extremely toxic and basically ruining my life and all my plans.


Take your life back and get away from her. Someone that loves you doesn't do this. I had a tough time after my split from my exH a couple years ago... I had a feeling, no proof, and he denied and denied... No more beating yourself up... She has shown you in a million ways where you fit in her life, you don't.


----------



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

traychev said:


> (Sorry for my english) Me [31] and my wife [29] (No kids) we are now in process of divorcing and here is my story. We are married for 2.5 years now; our relationship was always tough. One night she went out of bed at around midnight and went for a walk, we live in Dublin Ireland, and it was raining, whether was bad overall. I tried reaching her over the phone but there was no signal, she came back 1 hour later and went to bed, refused to talk about this. Next day she was very frustrated, and we fought about small things and she accused me that I am dismissive, not supportive etc. I felt she suddenly changed her behavior toward me. She asked me to go shopping and when I agreed, she said she won't be able to pay attention to me as she will be talking over the phone, when I agreed with that we fought again and postponed the shopping. Few hours later she went shopping alone, 1 hour later I gave her a call just to discover she was in a bar. She refused to share her location and she said she is alone at first at that time the discussion was over. I gave her a 2nd and 3rd call and the things escalated as I demanded the truth, but she only said she will be at home in 30 min to discuss. I went to the nearest bar to find her with our Neighbour and my ex-colleague. I talked with him on private and he shared they were together last night and that he invited her on a walk. At that time my wife left the bar alone and went home. I also went home, and she came to me to discuss the issues. I asked her why she refused to share her location and why she said she was alone, she tried to explain that she was going to share it when she feels it is the right time. I also asked her about the night before walk and she said she was alone, but as I already knew she was not I manipulated her and said that I knew she was at the apartment of our neighbor. At some point she confirmed my suspicious they were there together and tbh she changed the story quite few times. Few days later I decided to ask her to show me her text messages with him and she refused and accused me that I violate her privacy and that I am abusive, and I have trust issues. She declined that they have anything romantic (they both declined) and she said they were just friend. That day she left our home and get temporary accommodation, she also said she is moving out and she wants a divorce. Later I discovered that the guy helped her of moving her things out of our home (that day she asked me where I am and if I will be back at home many times, I was very suspicious). Many other small red flags happened and tbh this is not the first time she went out of home, prior she did the same for 2 months, I also had suspicious as she didn't have solid reason for moving out and acted weird in many ways.
> 
> I have moved with divorce documents, and everything is on the way, I feel there is no way back.
> 
> ...


How long did you know this women before marrying her?
How much do you know about her past?
Sorry my friend you`ve been suckered in. Your wife is a loose canon and a carousel rider.
Lucky to have lasted 2.5 years, I`ve read many wives are cheating within the first year of being married these days. This is why if I were still young and single, as a guy I`d never get married today.
You should realise unless having evidence your wife is cheating, that she`ll deny everything and lay all the blame on you making accusations that you`re abusive and the bad guy. Be prepared for that.
Other points, don`t be intimate with her, get her out the house if possible and if with her record everything on your phone otherwise she can claim you assaulted her.
Get rid of this skank as quickly as possible and in the most viable way.
At least you are still young enough to make a fresh start and take my advice stay single after this.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

traychev said:


> I suspected those affairs, but I never had a proof of cheating, and she denied every time. Only time I actually caught her was in the bar with the guy and when she admitted been at his apartment for 1h during midnight, and even than she denied anything. My gut feeling tells me she had cheated, so I pushed for divorce, but still I am not 100% sure.


Be 100% sure -- she cheated and more than once.
She is trying to blame YOU for being suspicous (you should have been -- she has an AWFUL set of behaviors) -- in fact she has done everything to MAKE you suspicious. SHE is the one to blame here for cheating -- not you.
You didn't "drive" her to cheat -- if she felt that bad about the relationship, she should have divorced you. She has a very poor character and is in no way a good partner.

The best thing you can do is what you are doing -- pursue divorce, stop communicating with her for anything other than the divorce, and DO NOT hesitate to tell folks WHY you are divorcing her -- because she cheated. SHE will try to rewrite the marriage that you were abusive, controlling, etc. -- YOU need to make sure that your story is out there to tell the truth.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

traychev said:


> I suspected those affairs, but I never had a proof of cheating, and she denied every time. Only time I actually caught her was in the bar with the guy and when she admitted been at his apartment for 1h during midnight, and even than she denied anything. My gut feeling tells me she had cheated, so I pushed for divorce, but still I am not 100% sure.


How can you say that there were *only *suspect occurrences?

Well, maybe so, if your marital boundaries are weak.
Which, they must be, for you to give, short-shrift, to them (a hopeful pass, that is).

She was doing things that are not appropriate for a married person, and you are not 100% sure she is/was cheating?
Cheating is being disloyal to one's partner, that is sufficient.

That one hour time spent in his apartment was plenty of time for a full-on, nude, PIV to happen.
Even if they only kissed and groped (which I doubt), that is defined as cheating.
Just being there in his place is so dis-respectable.

Unless there was a recording device present, you do not know if it was an hour, and hour and a half, whatever.

Thirty minutes would do in _a pinch_.

A quickie in the back seat of an auto.
A kiss, _a pinch_ and a poke!


----------



## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

traychev said:


> Absolutely agree, it makes it obvious. What hurts the most is that we were planning on having kids, we were trying, I changed a job for longer paternity leave and many other, but she said that she wanted to divorce me since 10 months and all she did was because she couldn't do it on her own, which I find extremely toxic and basically ruining my life and all my plans.


Listen bud
1- she didnt ruin your life she did you a favor - she showed her face before too late - you got've got STD or childrent. now imagine your life going through divorce and there is now a new guy/guys on your bed with your kids

2- divorce very difficult decision - when there are no kids involved it is about attachments and the disrespectful cheater put you through. feeling jealous and angry of her and the other guys

3- this is a learning lesson - you didnt lose anything but gained life experience the hard way. after divorce and moving you will feel stronger and more confident. you will become selective on who to marry. 

my old man taught me couple things - some might find it disrespectful and I'm sorry for saying

1- don't date or marry someone who dated many people
2- dont marry someone with divorced parents 
3- dont marry a divorced person until you fully find out why they divorced 
4- dont marry someone who still spend even few minutes in a bar when they are above 30 years old. 
5- you dont marry a person but you marry a family - if her/his mom/dad cheated she/her will 100% cheat, if her/his sister/brother cheated they will cheat on you, if they they are friends with someone who cheated then they will cheat on you

might be difficult finding that person but no one said marriage and finding the right person is easy

you are doing great - raise your head and walk with confidence - show her what she lost - dont talk to her - dont ask about her. 

remember there is always that person somewhere waiting for you


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

gameopoly5 said:


> How long did you know this women before marrying her?
> How much do you know about her past?
> Sorry my friend you`ve been suckered in. Your wife is a loose canon and a carousel rider.
> Lucky to have lasted 2.5 years, I`ve read many wives are cheating within the first year of being married these days. This is why if I were still young and single, as a guy I`d never get married today.
> ...


I knew her for less than a year.
I knew she cheated to her ex with my friend for about few months.. She claimed at the time they were separated.
I agree it was super dumb to marry her, with so so many red flags especially when I noticed them, for some reason I just wanted to 'try'. To be honest I don't think I can be intimate with her ever, even if she never cheated and all is in my head as she claims.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

traychev said:


> I knew her for less than a year.
> I knew she cheated to her ex with my friend for about few months.. She claimed at the time they were separated.
> I agree it was super dumb to marry her, with so so many red flags especially when I noticed them, for some reason I just wanted to 'try'. To be honest I don't think I can be intimate with her ever, even if she never cheated and all is in my head as she claims.


I think at this point you should not even listen to anything she says, and for certain don't believe her. You're divorcing. She will say anything to make that easier for herself.

And it doesn't matter anyway, right? I mean, her claims of innocence are irrelevant at this point. She left with another guy and you're divorcing.

My point is to refocus your thoughts to _YOU_. Get out of your own head about her. You need to start taking care of yourself first and not worry for a second about her. She has someone else taking care of her now.

Go to a gym, go out with your friends. If you're an introvert then schedule plans and later cancel them.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Quick Update.

My 'wife' started contacting me every 1-2-3 days for basically anything, but mostly unrelated to the divorce.
Some of the messages sent were mostly accusations of things I did bad, some looks like nudges to apologise or change something. I am not sure why she is sending those as she clearly asked for divorce and she did all the things mentioned in the original post. Feel confused, but for now I am mostly ignoring everything.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

apetrov said:


> (Sorry for my english) Me [31] and my wife [29] (No kids) we are now in process of divorcing and here is my story. We are married for 2.5 years now; our relationship was always tough. One night she went out of bed at around midnight and went for a walk, we live in Dublin Ireland, and it was raining, whether was bad overall. I tried reaching her over the phone but there was no signal, she came back 1 hour later and went to bed, refused to talk about this. Next day she was very frustrated, and we fought about small things and she accused me that I am dismissive, not supportive etc. I felt she suddenly changed her behavior toward me. She asked me to go shopping and when I agreed, she said she won't be able to pay attention to me as she will be talking over the phone, when I agreed with that we fought again and postponed the shopping. Few hours later she went shopping alone, 1 hour later I gave her a call just to discover she was in a bar. She refused to share her location and she said she is alone at first at that time the discussion was over. I gave her a 2nd and 3rd call and the things escalated as I demanded the truth, but she only said she will be at home in 30 min to discuss. I went to the nearest bar to find her with our Neighbour and my ex-colleague. I talked with him on private and he shared they were together last night and that he invited her on a walk. At that time my wife left the bar alone and went home. I also went home, and she came to me to discuss the issues. I asked her why she refused to share her location and why she said she was alone, she tried to explain that she was going to share it when she feels it is the right time. I also asked her about the night before walk and she said she was alone, but as I already knew she was not I manipulated her and said that I knew she was at the apartment of our neighbor. At some point she confirmed my suspicious they were there together and tbh she changed the story quite few times. Few days later I decided to ask her to show me her text messages with him and she refused and accused me that I violate her privacy and that I am abusive, and I have trust issues. She declined that they have anything romantic (they both declined) and she said they were just friend. That day she left our home and get temporary accommodation, she also said she is moving out and she wants a divorce. Later I discovered that the guy helped her of moving her things out of our home (that day she asked me where I am and if I will be back at home many times, I was very suspicious). Many other small red flags happened and tbh this is not the first time she went out of home, prior she did the same for 2 months, I also had suspicious as she didn't have solid reason for moving out and acted weird in many ways.
> 
> I have moved with divorce documents, and everything is on the way, I feel there is no way back.
> 
> ...


Honestly she just sounds like a lowlife cheating skank.

You are well rid of her and your neighbor is a piece of shyt.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

apetrov said:


> Quick Update.
> 
> My 'wife' started contacting me every 1-2-3 days for basically anything, but mostly unrelated to the divorce.
> Some of the messages sent were mostly accusations of things I did bad, some looks like nudges to apologise or change something. I am not sure why she is sending those as she clearly asked for divorce and she did all the things mentioned in the original post. Feel confused, but for now I am mostly ignoring everything.


Tell her to complain to her boyfriend because you aren't required to listen to her bullshyt anymore.

Block her number and end all communication.

Let the lawyers do it.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

apetrov said:


> I am not sure why she is sending those as she clearly asked for divorce and she did all the things mentioned in the original post. Feel confused, but for now I am mostly ignoring everything.


Why should you care she's sending those messages? Why would you feel confused about it, unless you're harboring thoughts of getting back with her?

Ignoring mostly everything? You shouldn't even have her in your contacts for her to reach you. Why haven't you blocked her? are you window shopping for pain? She should be in your rearview mirror, and all info back and for for divorce, only through your lawyer's office.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> Why should you care she's sending those messages? Why would you feel confused about it, unless you're harboring thoughts of getting back with her?
> 
> Ignoring mostly everything? You shouldn't even have her in your contacts for her to reach you. Why haven't you blocked her? are you window shopping for pain? She should be in your rearview mirror, and all info back and for for divorce, only through your lawyer's office.


All this make sense. I am not really sure why I keep her in my contacts, maybe I still haven't fully accepted the situation or I believe that there is 0.1% chance that she is not what we think she is, but anyway I will block her as this is the best thing to do.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

apetrov said:


> All this make sense. I am not really sure why I keep her in my contacts, maybe I still haven't fully accepted the situation or I believe that there is 0.1% chance that she is not what we think she is, but anyway I will block her as this is the best thing to do.


Blocking her will do you a lot of good. Starting with a first step to move forward by getting her out of your mind.
Remember the adage: out of sight, out of mind.

It's not a matter of believing or not, it's a matter of accepting the fact that she actually is who she is, and that you know who she is, so accept 100% that fact.


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Block her and make sure you never need to deal with her again!


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

apetrov said:


> (Sorry for my english) Me [31] and my wife [29] (No kids) we are now in process of divorcing and here is my story. We are married for 2.5 years now; our relationship was always tough. One night she went out of bed at around midnight and went for a walk, we live in Dublin Ireland, and it was raining, whether was bad overall. I tried reaching her over the phone but there was no signal, she came back 1 hour later and went to bed, refused to talk about this. Next day she was very frustrated, and we fought about small things and she accused me that I am dismissive, not supportive etc. I felt she suddenly changed her behavior toward me. She asked me to go shopping and when I agreed, she said she won't be able to pay attention to me as she will be talking over the phone, when I agreed with that we fought again and postponed the shopping. Few hours later she went shopping alone, 1 hour later I gave her a call just to discover she was in a bar. She refused to share her location and she said she is alone at first at that time the discussion was over. I gave her a 2nd and 3rd call and the things escalated as I demanded the truth, but she only said she will be at home in 30 min to discuss. I went to the nearest bar to find her with our Neighbour and my ex-colleague. I talked with him on private and he shared they were together last night and that he invited her on a walk. At that time my wife left the bar alone and went home. I also went home, and she came to me to discuss the issues. I asked her why she refused to share her location and why she said she was alone, she tried to explain that she was going to share it when she feels it is the right time. I also asked her about the night before walk and she said she was alone, but as I already knew she was not I manipulated her and said that I knew she was at the apartment of our neighbor. At some point she confirmed my suspicious they were there together and tbh she changed the story quite few times. Few days later I decided to ask her to show me her text messages with him and she refused and accused me that I violate her privacy and that I am abusive, and I have trust issues. She declined that they have anything romantic (they both declined) and she said they were just friend. That day she left our home and get temporary accommodation, she also said she is moving out and she wants a divorce. Later I discovered that the guy helped her of moving her things out of our home (that day she asked me where I am and if I will be back at home many times, I was very suspicious). Many other small red flags happened and tbh this is not the first time she went out of home, prior she did the same for 2 months, I also had suspicious as she didn't have solid reason for moving out and acted weird in many ways.
> 
> I have moved with divorce documents, and everything is on the way, I feel there is no way back.
> 
> ...


She was most definitely screwing anotger guy. Thank your stars you did not have any crotch goblins with this woman.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@apetrov You are in Dublin? Then the divorce laws of Eire will apply to you. Here are some resources that might help you:-








How to Divorce | Lawyer.ie 10 Step Guide to Irish Divorce


Family Law Guide to the divorce process in Ireland. Get legal advice on how to get an affordable and quick divorce.




www.lawyer.ie









Getting a divorce in Ireland


A divorce decree allows both parties to a marriage to remarry. However, special conditions must be met before a court can grant a divorce.




www.citizensinformation.ie












Irish Divorce Services | The Experts in DIY Divorce


Irish Divorce Services are the experts in DIY Divorce in Ireland with over 15 years experience. We ensure you a smooth divorce




www.irishdivorceservices.ie






https://www.lawyersireland.eu/divorce-in-ireland-division-of-assets










LawOnline | How to get a divorce


This guide describes all of the steps required to apply for a divorce either by consent, i.e. where both parties are in full agreement regarding the terms of the divorce, or else where there is disagreement and the divorce application is contested. Each step is cross-referenced to the relevant...




www.lawonline.ie


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Hi all,
Quick update from me. So for the last one month I was in my home country, but I had to return to Ireland for 1 week and now i am living in our apartment with my stbexW. She is acting a bit intimate with me, but still insisting the divorce is happening, feel a bit confused by her behavior. She tried to accuse me of having trust issues again, but I just left and I haven’t participated in the conversation much. Apart of that I found new box of condoms in her backpack with only one left, I had to confront her as she was saying she never cheated on me again, her explanation was that our neighbor brought them, but she refused to have sex with him, and he left them in our apartment - sounds ridiculous to me. I am not planning of returning here once I get all my stuff anyway. Somehow when she is explaining her point of view feel a bit confused and not certain about the whole situation, but i guess this is just good gaslighting. I know it is a mistake to even listen to her, but at least this will be thw last time I hope.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

apetrov said:


> Hi all,
> Quick update from me. So for the last one month I was in my home country, but I had to return to Ireland for 1 week and now i am living in our apartment with my stbexW. She is acting a bit intimate with me, but still insisting the divorce is happening, feel a bit confused by her behavior. She tried to accuse me of having trust issues again, but I just left and I haven’t participated in the conversation much. Apart of that I found new box of condoms in her backpack with only one left, I had to confront her as she was saying she never cheated on me again, her explanation was that our neighbor brought them, but she refused to have sex with him, and he left them in our apartment - sounds ridiculous to me. I am not planning of returning here once I get all my stuff anyway. Somehow when she is explaining her point of view feel a bit confused and not certain about the whole situation, but i guess this is just good gaslighting. I know it is a mistake to even listen to her, but at least this will be thw last time I hope.


Your wife is just a lying *****. Your best bet is to never talk to her again if at all possible.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

apetrov said:


> feel a bit confused by her behavior.


Dude, again, why would you be feeling "a big confused by her behavior"? why? come on man, she's gaslighting you big time, and you are just there scratching your head as to why that might be? You don't have to hope for this to be the last time. if you gather your inner strength, and bring up your senses of dignity and self respect you would resolutely, just ignore her or anything that comes out of her mouth if you need to be sharing space with her for some time. Just pretend that she's dead. Let her talk, get upset, tell you ****. Just keep reading what you're reading, watching what you're watching, working on what you're working, and completely gray rock/ice her. Moreover, why did you even bother with the condoms issue? you shouldn't care one bit at all. She's out of your life for all intended purposes. keep it that way NOW.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

apetrov said:


> but I just left and I haven’t participated in the conversation much. Apart of that I found new box of condoms in her backpack with only one left, I had to confront her as she was saying she never cheated on me again, her explanation was that our neighbor brought them, but she refused to have sex with him, and he left them in our apartment -


Wow that is one of the WORST quick-thought excuses I've ever heard.
Keep on your plan.... (and off your wife!!!!)


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

jlg07 said:


> Wow that is one of the WORST quick-thought excuses I've ever heard.
> Keep on your plan.... (and off your wife!!!!)


She now admitted on kissing him, but he rejected having sex with her (lol). To be honest this now contradicts to her previous story about condoms.
Things are so bad that I don't even care anymore what she is saying (Also I don't feel anything, so all this news are not hurting me in anyway). I can't believe how sick she is. Also she is spying on me, becoming very rude/toxic when I refuse to share with her my location - I hope things won't get out of control. She also tried to manipulate that she had slept with my friend several times, when I know this is 100% not true, but she used stories/location for which I previously suspected her, so I assume she did that with other males, but trying to frame my friend.


----------



## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Ape, stop all this nonsense, get a lawyer and file for D. She has not done anything because she wants to keep you in the wings, and it appears that she really likes abusing you. Get a lawyer, file for D, start the 180 and get moving on the rest of your life. It's guaranteed to be better than this **** show you have going on with your crazy wife. Hang in there.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Exit37 said:


> Ape, stop all this nonsense, get a lawyer and file for D. She has not done anything because she wants to keep you in the wings, and it appears that she really likes abusing you. Get a lawyer, file for D, start the 180 and get moving on the rest of your life. It's guaranteed to be better than this **** show you have going on with your crazy wife. Hang in there.


Divorce is now in progress, but it would be almost impossible to cut all contact with her, she is sending me messages from everywhere (eg started in Linkedin when I blocked her on fb). Also she somehow knows about my whereabouts most of the time, maybe she is also spying on me, it is becoming ridiculous.


----------



## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

It's not hard. Block her on all social media and apps. Make sure you don't have find my iphone linked to her, or have another tracking app on your phone. Check your car for a GPS. None of this is difficult to do if you want it. 

It really feels like you are codependent, talk that over with an IC as soon as you can. You need to start the 180 and only talk with her about the D and finances. If you don't do that it's because you don't want to, not because she is somehow able to circumvent all your defenses to talking with her. Come on now.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

What was the revenge thing you did? 

You’re saying sometimes no proof of her cheating, but also saying you know of cheating? Which one is true?

Do her parents and your parents know what’s happening? Has she told people what you did for revenge? 

It appears you perhaps wanted a divorce and pushed her to initiate? I feel confused as to who initiated the divorce, and who wants to stay married?

How bad was the revenge thing?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

apetrov said:


> (Sorry for my english) Me [31] and my wife [29] (No kids) we are now in process of divorcing and here is my story. We are married for 2.5 years now; our relationship was always tough.
> 
> One night she went out of bed at around midnight and went for a walk, we live in Dublin Ireland, and it was raining, whether was bad overall. I tried reaching her over the phone but there was no signal, she came back 1 hour later and went to bed, refused to talk about this. Next day she was very frustrated, and we fought about small things and she accused me that I am dismissive, not supportive etc.
> 
> ...


You don't have kids so you should let her go. If she had an affair that wasn't the first thing that happened. First she got very unhappy with your marriage. She probably reached out to this guy because sometimes people just need some support when they're trying to leave someone but it could be an affair. She already made up her mind to leave you so honestly I'm not sure it matters whether it was an actual physical affair or not. Whether it was or not she's decided to move on. It's good that you don't have kids. 

She did a lot of deceptive things and I'm sure she probably was trying to find a good time to tell you she was leaving after she got herself settled some way. I wouldn't like being jerked around like that either, but as you say you had a part in it too.. I'm afraid it's just one of those things that didn't work out.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

apetrov said:


> She now admitted on kissing him, but he rejected having sex with her (lol). To be honest this now contradicts to her previous story about condoms.
> Things are so bad that I don't even care anymore what she is saying (Also I don't feel anything, so all this news are not hurting me in anyway). I can't believe how sick she is. Also she is spying on me, becoming very rude/toxic when I refuse to share with her my location - I hope things won't get out of control. She also tried to manipulate that she had slept with my friend several times, when I know this is 100% not true, but she used stories/location for which I previously suspected her, so I assume she did that with other males, but trying to frame my friend.


You know she is 100% BS you about this. They had sex, and now she is trying to manipulate you and intentionally hurt you and mess up your life. Keep on with the D and do the 180 with her. Minimal talking and interaction --- only about the divorce. If she wants to keep talking, tell her to go through your lawyer with any communications...


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

apetrov said:


> Divorce is now in progress, but it would be almost impossible to cut all contact with her, she is sending me messages from everywhere (eg started in Linkedin when I blocked her on fb). Also she somehow knows about my whereabouts most of the time, maybe she is also spying on me, it is becoming ridiculous.


Check to see if you have location turned on with your phone - she may be using your credentials online to find out that information. Turn it off on your phone, and change your account PW.
Continue to block her anyplace she turns up (like a cockroach!) When she sends you a message, just delete it without reading and ignore her.

If you don't have it, here is the 180:
180 for Betrayed Spouses

Stick to it.....
You have no kids, really NO reason to talk with her....

Also, keep a VAR running at all times when she is around you -- I wouldn't put it past her to do a false domestic violence charge against you when all else fails...


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Luckylucky said:


> What was the revenge thing you did?
> 
> You’re saying sometimes no proof of her cheating, but also saying you know of cheating? Which one is true?
> 
> ...


What I did for revenge was I went out on double date and lied to her about it. I have shared all the details 2 days later, but nothing happened I had no intentions anyway. Our parents know, mine insist on divorcing her.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

She is now trying to save the 'marriage', saying she didn't do anything with him etc, although I don't believe her as she changed her stories 10+ times and her excuse is 'I am saying what you want to hear because you don't believe me'. I am not sure I have any feelings for her anyway, feel mostly void when I see her and I am pretty sure she has no feelings for me also, although she is now saying that she loves me and don't want to break the 'relation'.


----------



## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

apetrov said:


> She is now trying to save the 'marriage', saying she didn't do anything with him etc, although I don't believe her as she changed her stories 10+ times and her excuse is 'I am saying what you want to hear because you don't believe me'. I am not sure I have any feelings for her anyway, feel mostly void when I see her and I am pretty sure she has no feelings for me also, although she is now saying that she loves me and don't want to break the 'relation'.


Continue with the divorce. She sounds like extremely bad news. You will do better in the future. Make sure you turn on your phones video recording whenever she is near you.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

apetrov said:


> She is now trying to save the 'marriage', saying she didn't do anything with him etc, although I don't believe her as she changed her stories 10+ times and her excuse is 'I am saying what you want to hear because you don't believe me'. I am not sure I have any feelings for her anyway, feel mostly void when I see her and I am pretty sure she has no feelings for me also, although she is now saying that she loves me and don't want to break the 'relation'.


In other words, none of her boyfriends would take her.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

apetrov said:


> I agree I did a lot of toxic bs and will try not to do the same ever. I suspect she cheated with 3+ (more likely 5+) people, 2 of them at the same time. Also before we started to date I already knew she cheated on her ex whom I knew with another my friend, so I guess I was biased towards her.


You got together with a woman you knew was a cheater. Wow, why did you think she would change?


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

apetrov said:


> Divorce is now in progress, but it would be almost impossible to cut all contact with her, she is sending me messages from everywhere (eg started in Linkedin when I blocked her on fb). Also she somehow knows about my whereabouts most of the time, maybe she is also spying on me, it is becoming ridiculous.



She may have slipped an apple airtag in your car or backpack.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

ABHale said:


> In other words, none of her boyfriends would take her.


Yeah seems so. It is interesting that the same guy that she 'dated' now has new girlfriend. Also my 'wife' insist she could not have cheated as she is sick since 2 months now. But again her stories are ridiculous anyway, she is now trying to throw 'love bombing' and sometimes again tries to bring some old issues and explain that they are similar to what had happened recently. Overall although I don't want to hear anything, I am quite interested to see and hear everything she say as this is now like educational for me. 

Overall I found this very interesting approach, wife say we are separated now because of x, y, z, she can do whatever she wants because of that, but than if I agree to reconcile (I haven't) things happened in this period would not count as cheating. This sounds like perfect excuse to me.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Something which happened very recently is that she tried to admit cheating with one of my friends, she was very detailed about places, actions etc, I even suspected something at the time, but with other male/s. But I am100% sure he didn't do anything sexual with her. Later she admitted she was lying about him because she wanted to see if she admits something whether I will too (super toxic). Is this some kind of narcissistic behavior? She acts like nothing happened sometimes.


----------



## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

You can't make a ho into a housewife. 

Anyway... it's two years for the divorce process in Eire isn't it?


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

apetrov said:


> Something which happened very recently is that she tried to admit cheating with one of my friends, she was very detailed about places, actions etc, I even suspected something at the time, but with other male/s. But I am100% sure he didn't do anything sexual with her. Later she admitted she was lying about him because she wanted to see if she admits something whether I will too (super toxic). Is this some kind of narcissistic behavior? She acts like nothing happened sometimes.


I gather, then, that you are still in contact with her, meaning you just can't let go. Meaning, deep down you still care and would want to take her back. if you look at yourself in the mirror, you would see that you are somewhat reluctantly putting aside your self-respect, dignity, and your self-worth by continuing to allow her to engage with you, when she should be completely out of rearview mirror. You should be making sure she understands that to you she's dead (regardless if it is not). 

Just remember that if for some insane (or weak) reason you end up taking her back, I gather that some years down the road, when you're saddle with a mortgage, a couple of children, she decides again that the "Grass is always greener on the other side) and dump you again, you'll be back here lamenting your situation being all confused, and caught in a "groundhog" loop, wondering what went wrong, then, we will remind you that all those years back, you didn't listen to your own gut and the chorus at TAM. 

Your life, your choice, your decisions. I only wish that you were as old as we are for you to get to clearly understand, that yes, she should be in your rearview mirror. Any reflections, being handle by your solicitor, while you are rebuilding your life for a much better future. Just remember, you don't need any actual, factual proof of her cheating. Your guts, and intellect are telling you that yes she is and/or is still cheating. That's all you need to know, to intellectually reason with yourself that the moment you "knew", that was the moment that she should have been out of your life completely.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> I gather, then, that you are still in contact with her, meaning you just can't let go. Meaning, deep down you still care and would want to take her back. if you look at yourself in the mirror, you would see that you are somewhat reluctantly putting aside your self-respect, dignity, and your self-worth by continuing to allow her to engage with you, when she should be completely out of rearview mirror. You should be making sure she understands that to you she's dead (regardless if it is not).
> 
> Just remember that if for some insane (or weak) reason you end up taking her back, I gather that some years down the road, when you're saddle with a mortgage, a couple of children, she decides again that the "Grass is always greener on the other side) and dump you again, you'll be back here lamenting your situation being all confused, and caught in a "groundhog" loop, wondering what went wrong, then, we will remind you that all those years back, you didn't listen to your own gut and the chorus at TAM.
> 
> Your life, your choice, your decisions. I only wish that you were as old as we are for you to get to clearly understand, that yes, she should be in your rearview mirror. Any reflections, being handle by your solicitor, while you are rebuilding your life for a much better future. Just remember, you don't need any actual, factual proof of her cheating. Your guts, and intellect are telling you that yes she is and/or is still cheating. That's all you need to know, to intellectually reason with yourself that the moment you "knew", that was the moment that she should have been out of your life completely.



Thanks for taking time to write this, I truly appreciate! I agree, I shouldn't even speak with her at all, this is the most obvious step. In our home country the things are a bit more complicated when it comes to foamily house and living together. I can't ask her to leave, I can leave and go to a hotel eg, but because I have a very specific work setup at home, I have to perform the work from there (unfortunately can't share all details here). I have no intentions of reconciling with her as this will be huge mistake.

There is something that she said and it seems correct, I had insecurities since the beginning, I don't think I have ever trusted her much at all, likely her ADHD plays a role here also or it is purely my issue. For the recent events I have no doubt tho, seems more than obvious and actually I am happy that they occurred just over 2 years after the marriage, could be much worse.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

ABHale said:


> You got together with a woman you knew was a cheater. Wow, why did you think she would change?


She insisted that she didn't cheat because they were separated at the time. Similar situation as now, seems like a good excuse.


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

She looks like she cheated. Most don’t admit it.
But one thing is for sure - she certainly wasn’t doing everything possible to build trust within the marriage!
She was purposely making choices to ruin the marriage - and since she doesn’t intend to repair the damage she caused - you’re better off ending the marriage.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

apetrov said:


> In our home country the things are a bit more complicated when it comes to foamily house and living together. I can't ask her to leave, I can leave and go to a hotel eg, but because I have a very specific work setup at home,


Correct, I understand this. I truly do understand, know, and in my past lived it when I was separating from my first wife (easier, though, because in my case there was no infidelity. It was a sex incompatibility issue, but still, it was uncomfortable to share space when you know that your soon to be ex is nothing to you anymore. My advice is like I said before, ignore, pretend that she's dead. Discipline yourself to control your emotions, so that if she wants to engage you in conversation, pretend she's not there, regardless of her reactions. She will get the hint eventually.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

apetrov said:


> Yeah seems so. It is interesting that the same guy that she 'dated' now has new girlfriend. Also my 'wife' insist she could not have cheated as she is sick since 2 months now. But again her stories are ridiculous anyway, she is now trying to throw 'love bombing' and sometimes again tries to bring some old issues and explain that they are similar to what had happened recently. Overall although I don't want to hear anything, I am quite interested to see and hear everything she say as this is now like educational for me.
> 
> Overall I found this very interesting approach, wife say we are separated now because of x, y, z, she can do whatever she wants because of that, but than if I agree to reconcile (I haven't) things happened in this period would not count as cheating. This sounds like perfect excuse to me.


You’re still married, it doesn’t matter if your were separated or not. She has just confessed to cheating on you through her careless words.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

apetrov said:


> Something which happened very recently is that she tried to admit cheating with one of my friends, she was very detailed about places, actions etc, I even suspected something at the time, but with other male/s. But I am100% sure he didn't do anything sexual with her. Later she admitted she was lying about him because she wanted to see if she admits something whether I will too (super toxic). Is this some kind of narcissistic behavior? She acts like nothing happened sometimes.


She is just bat **** crazy.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

apetrov said:


> here is something that she said and it seems correct, I had insecurities since the beginning, I don't think I have ever trusted her much at all,


So your gut has been 100% correct since the beginning of the marriage, because you now see you CAN'T trust her...


----------



## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

apetrov said:


> She insisted that she didn't cheat because they were separated at the time. Similar situation as now, seems like a good excuse.


OP, she is absolutely convinced that if she stays the course you will cave and "agree" that she didn't cheat, because your were somehow separated at the time, and you will rug sweep and take her back. She will admit nothing, and will do no work toward becoming a safe partner. Therefor, you will be back here again before long, and she will follow the same script when you catch on to her next bout of cheating.

Stop talking to her. If you can't move out now then don't, do your work in your home office and then spend as much time away from home as you can. Sleep in a different room, and DO NOT have sex with her. *And file for divorce*. Get it done.


----------



## apetrov (2 mo ago)

Update: my 'wife' still insists that she didn't cheat and suggested lie detector test + showing chats etc. I feel the story is now very interesting and thus sharing some of those details..


----------



## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

apetrov said:


> Update: my 'wife' still insists that she didn't cheat and suggested lie detector test + showing chats etc. I feel the story is now very interesting and thus sharing some of those details..


There are services that will recover deleted chats, etc. from cell phones. Look into one of those and see if there is a location near you that you can take her phone to. Then, take her up on her offer, make sure you have all passwords and passcodes, not just for the phone but for any programs she has, like snapchat, Signal, etc.

Log in to each one to make sure the passwords work. Check her app history to see if there are any she deleted. Then tell her you need the phone for the afternoon, and take it to the recovery service. If that isn't available there are online service/software, I've heard, that might be available but I know less about those.

Before you take her for a polygraph you need a written version of events that she writes down for you, to lock her into her story. It should include any possible things you would be concerned about, including while you were "taking a break." Then you can work with the examiner to come up with the questions you will ask. Good luck.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

apetrov said:


> Update: my 'wife' still insists that she didn't cheat and suggested lie detector test + showing chats etc. I feel the story is now very interesting and thus sharing some of those details..


Dude, come on? what does it really matters if she cheated or not? please, get a grip on yourself. The bottom line, which you should by now realize is that she's not the right partner, nor a safe one for you. Can you get that through your head? If what you want is to find any plausible excuses to get back with her, then, really, you don't need one, just go back with her and everything will be honky-dory again... until it is not, again.


----------



## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Dude, come on? what does it really matters if she cheated or not? please, get a grip on yourself. The bottom line, which you should by now realize is that she's not the right partner, nor a safe one for you. Can you get that through your head? If what you want is to find any plausible excuses to get back with her, then, really, you don't need one, just go back with her and everything will be honky-dory again... until it is not, again.


THIS.

Whether or not she cheated at this point seem a moot issue. The fact of the matter is there has been a huge power dichotomy existing in the marriage from the beginning. It drips with toxicity. You need to end this sham of a marriage OP.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

apetrov said:


> Update: my 'wife' still insists that she didn't cheat and suggested lie detector test + showing chats etc. I feel the story is now very interesting and thus sharing some of those details..


Lie detector/polygraph won't fix batshit crazy.


----------

