# Is it really so bad?



## twisted_dragon (Aug 10, 2015)

I have been married for 12 years and my husband and I have 2 young children. We have always held rather alternative views but my husband has become much more extreme than me of late. His latest idea is to grow marijuana to sell so that he wont have to work as much to support the family, even though he only works part-time already. In the past I have tried to be the breadwinner but found that I still had most of the housework etc. to do because he would rather be doing other things, and housework just wasn't important to him. This latest idea really gets my back up, to the point where I have almost had enough. Because I wont agree to his idea, he has not so subtly made it clear that there will be no money spare for anything he doesn't consider necessary, and every time a bill comes he makes it clear that it is my "fear" that is making our financial situation so tight. I have said clearly that his idea does not sit well with me, for reasons I can't put into words, but he simply keeps repeating "I just can't understand what the big deal is". I don't believe that is a respectful response, even if he doesn't understand it should be enough that I am not OK with it. When we made a decision to have children, it was with the understanding that he would be the one to support the family financially. Now I feel that HE has decided he wants to change the way he earns money and he is resentful towards me for preventing that. It is my belief that I have a right to say how that money is earned, particularly when there is a risk of him getting caught and it affecting the whole family. I could go out and work myself, he has said that he wouldn't grow then, but I would end up doing too much again and I don't want to get back into wearing myself down because I want to be there for my children. My husband has a way of talking things around to make it seem as if I am being ungrateful, so I often doubt my judgement. He also is one of those "nice guys" that people can never imagine being anything but nice. The problem isn't that he is nasty, but he is incredibly manipulative, whether consciously or not. I just can't help feeling that I was offered a particular situation and now the rules have been changed on me. I understand that people change, but surely this is not one of those instances where I should just sit back and accept those changes?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Well, your circumstances do not allow you to be both a full time mother to your children and your husband, full-time worker, and full-time house keeper.

You know what your husband is like and you cannot control him, and no point in doing so. Your only option is to leave him, or deal with it. As complicated as things are, there are really only a few options.

You may have to sacrifice the cleanliness of your home to be a good provider and a good mother.

You really should consider working full-time. Your husband is an emotionally immature person who lacks a lot of the ability to use his judgement to logic things out rationally.

That means, you will have to take control of the family and do what you can.

You should also think about leaving him for the children's benefit as well. Children will pick up behaviors from people they see as parental figure and your husband is not the person you want your children to emulate.

Please look up passive-aggressive behavior and does this sound familiar?

In the mean time, you are a single parent, and life does not always allow us the optimal conditions we like to operate our life. Your husband should be pushed to the side right now and the focus should be on you to find a way to do the best you can for you and your children. This is the conditions that were given to you, and you will have to be the one who grows and change to meet these challenges. With so much on your plate, you only have time and energy to focus on the essential. A husband is a distant third since he is capable of looking after himself, while the children are not.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Divorce.

You should not have to resort to criminal activity to support your family.

I think hubs is smoking too much of the weed he is proposing to grow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Your H is lazy, slightly abusive, controlling and a bully.

His top priority seems to be his comfort at the expense of your relationship and the well being of your children.

Growing pot is a dubious undertaking at best. I assume you live in Washington or Colorado where it is legal?

It is definitely a bad idea to have the industry around children.

Could you support your children by yourself?

Not saying you should divorce but it should be a possibility and knowing your abilities to be independent can help.

Would your H be willing to go to counseling with you or on his own?

He is displaying a pattern of detrimental behavior that only seems to be progressing as time goes on.

What he is proposing is dangerous to you and your children on many levels.

There is still a strong criminal element surrounding marijuana.

The odds your children will start using as minors will go through the roof.

Marijuana has pretty severe effects on developing minds. Proven science.

The odds of you or your children being harmed or victims of criminal activities goes way up.

Your fears are very warranted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## twisted_dragon (Aug 10, 2015)

Mr.Fisty, I agree with everything you said, it all fits. I guess I just needed reassurance from someone outside of the situation to view it objectively and come to the same conclusions as me. Like I said, he is one of those "nice guys" and it has been hard trying to find someone to discuss this with. Thank you, thank you, thank you from one relieved mother.


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## twisted_dragon (Aug 10, 2015)

"You should not have to resort to criminal activity to support your family."


Yes, I agree. I have compromised and been nagged into submission on many issues, but this is one issue I am not willing to budge on, even if it means going it alone.


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## twisted_dragon (Aug 10, 2015)

ConanHub, I don't live in the States, where I live it is very much  still illegal with no plans to change that. I have to say I don't have a problem with the plant itself, when used responsibly and by adults. Like you say though, it wreaks havoc on developing minds (like any drug) and also introduces the possibility of coming into contact with unsavory characters. If I'm honest, if it was legal here and he could make a legitimate business out of it I may be OK with it, not definitely but I would be slightly more open to the idea. As it's illegal and there is no real need to resort to it, I just don't see any justification for the risks involved.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

twisted_dragon said:


> My husband has a way of talking things around to make it seem as if I am being ungrateful, so I often doubt my judgement. He also is one of those "nice guys" that people can never imagine being anything but nice. The problem isn't that he is nasty, but he is incredibly manipulative, whether consciously or not. I just can't help feeling that I was offered a particular situation and now the rules have been changed on me. I understand that people change, but surely this is not one of those instances where I should just sit back and accept those changes?


So you married a lazy, selfish manipulator who expects to get to do what he wants and be taken care of, while YOU earn the majority of the income, and he has the nerve to say HE will control what gets paid for?

Grow up. Cut him off. Set up a budget on YOUR income that doesn't need him, and stop letting him participate in decisions.

And if he starts his latest venture, which will put you and your kids at risk, kick him out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

twisted_dragon said:


> "You should not have to resort to criminal activity to support your family."
> 
> 
> Yes, I agree. I have compromised and been nagged into submission on many issues, but this is one issue I am not willing to budge on, even if it means going it alone.


Put aside some money for a counselor. You need some therapy to learn to deal with his manipulation. He will never change, but YOU can.


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## sunblaster (Aug 9, 2015)

Criminal activity and family doesn't mix, nothing good will come out of this long term. The money is not the most important thing, your and your kids safety is. For some reason he is unable to see this very clearly. Before you get into the discussions of leaving him because of this, you need to:

- Tell him that this is something he might loose his family over
- Bring his new "business" idea" with his parents/your parents or close friends, this is so he could hopefully see how bad of an idea this is
- Take this issue with counselling

If none of these helps over time, and he is still on set breaking the law then ask him to move out, and grow his weed elsewhere. Don't turn it into a separation case yet, just tell him that since he is willing to compromise your and his kids safety he shouldn't be in the house. If he still can't figure out a legal way to earn $$$ and is keen on continue growing weed, then consider separation etc. If the dude is in jail he won't be of use to you or your kids anyways.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

twisted_dragon said:


> ConanHub, I don't live in the States, where I live it is very much still illegal with no plans to change that. I have to say I don't have a problem with the plant itself, when used responsibly and by adults. Like you say though, it wreaks havoc on developing minds (like any drug) and also introduces the possibility of coming into contact with unsavory characters. If I'm honest, if it was legal here and he could make a legitimate business out of it I may be OK with it, not definitely but I would be slightly more open to the idea. As it's illegal and there is no real need to resort to it, I just don't see any justification for the risks involved.



Your husband has a nerve wanting to earn income from a criminal activity and in your own home with young kids, what planet is he from?  You tell him, if he continues on this path, you yourself will call the authorities and have him arrested as you don't want that around your children and you will protect them at all costs. If he wants to go to jail, that is his problem but he is not bringing you and the kids down with him, remember you may be prosecuted too as you are aiding and abetting a crime.

Tell him to grow up, get a real full time job and be a bloody man and provide for his family. If he cannot do that , then you are leaving him because you will not have to look after 'three' children instead of two and your life will be better without him. Do you have parents or siblings? I would suggest you ask them to get involved and give him a good telling off. He needs it.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Take out life insurance on him and have him killed by a rival weed dealer.. It would be a good start at getting out of debt and starting a new life with your kids..

Just make sure the insurance policy is in effect.. The great thing is his competition will do it all for free.. So no need to share his insurance money with anyone..


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