# Massage results in being destructive to my marriage



## DisappointedinMyself (Jan 3, 2009)

I had a swedish massage about a month ago but was wondering if I could find a swedish massage that might have something a little extra. A few days ago, I went online looking for a swedish/sensual massage. I responded to an ad and asked questions on the phone what the swedish/sensual massage included. Her description sounded pretty much the same as a regular swedish massage. I thought it would be at a studio but when she asked me to call her before I arrived, she gave me directions which ended up at her apt complex. She had a room dedicated for massage, table, music, etc. At the end of the massage, she asked me to point to any other areas I would like massaged, I point to my pubic area. Yes, she gave me a happy ending. 

I tell you all of this because I told my wife I was going to get a massage but didn't tell her where. My cell phone was also dead because the battery wasn't charged. So she was very upset with me when I got home when she couldn't reach me. After pressing the issue, I told her I got a massage and what happened at the end. She calls this prostitution and cheating. She is extremely upset at me and feels betrayed. We've been married over 7 years with 2 kids. I was unfaithful to her in the first year of our marriage but have been faithful to her since. I admit that I have not been the best husband or father (I'm good but need to be better). There are a lot of areas that I can improve upon. She said she was very happy before this happened. Now she is contemplating the worst and thinks that I do not love her. She thinks if I loved her, I would not have gone to a massage therapist for a massage with a happy ending. I don't want to lose her, she is everything to me. I know I was wrong. And I know there are some things I need to change. This is tearing a big hole in her heart. 

Is she on target or overreacting? I've lost her trust and hope she will give me a chance to earn it back, however long it takes. I feel so stupid and am very disappointed in myself.

Any advice? I'd appreciate it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

DisappointedinMyself-

What made you do it?


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## ScreamingInSilence (Oct 22, 2008)

You cheated... with a Prostitute. I would say your Wife "is on the target"... 

Sounds like Therapy might be useful... for you.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

put it this way, how would you feel?

to even think she is over reacting is shameful on you.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

From your post, it is clear that you don't really GET IT. I feel for your wife. Of course you cheated on her. And she's very on target. Your cluelessness would piss me off as much as the cheating.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

MsLady said:


> Your cluelessness would piss me off as much as the cheating.


:iagree:


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Sorry but I can't help but laugh...

1. becuase you thought there was nothing wrong with this...

2. becuase you told your wife she gave you a hand job..

There are 2 types of "spa's" ones that are actual massge places, and the other "special massages geared towards men. IE prostitution.

now you need to save your marriage, how do you go about that, you need to apologize over and ove to your wife and tell her what a idiot you are.

You need to do something special with her.

try this...

My wife loves massages, and while on our cruise we did a "couples massage" there was one part where we went into this shower room naked just the two of us and we had to "exfoilate" each other with his cream, so we rubbed it all over our naked bodies, to make sure we were clean, then they put on these steamers to "clean us and showers....

lets just say it was very fun and very special for my wife. very erotic.

you need to do something very special for your wife and never go to one of these types of places again.


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

Was the happy ending worth it? Was it better than one you could have had "on your own" for free?


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## JohnRocket (Apr 11, 2009)

MsLady said:


> From your post, it is clear that you don't really GET IT. I feel for your wife. Of course you cheated on her. And she's very on target. Your cluelessness would piss me off as much as the cheating.


I don't think he did anything wrong. I mean, it was just a massage. Lighten up lady! All that anger's not good for the heart.


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## triedtotrust (Apr 8, 2009)

I would dump you in a heartbeat!


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## coffee bean (Apr 3, 2009)

Disappointed: 

What do you think motivated you in the first place to want a massage with extras?

I'm a massage therapist but definitely NOT the happy endings kind. However I do get some clients, male and female, who I suspect have been touch-starved for quite some time. Could this be the case with you?

Do you and your wife have a good sex life usually?

Was this a one-off blip when temptation got the better of you, or do you think it's a sign of something deeper amiss in your marriage?

I admire you for coming clean about the whole thing to your wife. Obviously doing something like this rocks the boat, but it needn't be the end of everything.

Good luck with making amends.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

it's good that you told her. If you had a hand job, or blow job.....yes, that is most definitely cheating... how could it not be? And you admitted that you went seeking this. 

I admire you for telling her, I would seek some therapy, you've broken her trust twice now. She would be a fool to trust you again.

But it can be done. work on it. and for pete's sake, no more cheating!


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

wow.. if you were my husband u would be gone.... you cheated but not only that u paid to cheat ...wass it worth it ?a few minutes of pleasure when you could have done it yourself for free or betterstill had ypur WIFE do it after a massage for you...


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## tryingtocope (Apr 10, 2009)

Seems to me that you knew when you started scouting for the appointment that you were wanting more than a proper therapeutic massage. It also seems to me that your wife was already suspicious of you and that there is likely a pattern of untruthful behaviour on your part that results in a lack trust on her part. It looks to me like you look for adrenalin rushes through sneaky adventures and secrets, and that your wife knows this about you and doesn't trust you because of it. 
If you were the sort of husband who never gave his wife a reason to mistrust, and yet she was insecure and suspicious anyway, then I'd say she was the overreacting type. But you're not - you sneak and you lie and you allow other women to do things to you that you have promised were just for your wife. I can't fathom how anyone could not see that as an aggregious betrayal that puts a grand canyon-sized chasm between partners.


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## coffee bean (Apr 3, 2009)

In his post he said he'd been unfaithful in the first year (I'm presuming this means one affair) and gone for a massage once.

Accusing him of a regular 'pattern of untruthful behaviour' and implying he habitually sneaks and lies is unfair on the guy.

If YOU had a problem and went for help and the counsellor said the equivalent of - 

"Wow! You f***wit - if you were my husband/wife you'd be out the door! I bet you do this all the time you creep, you cheater, you scumbag...."
Would you go back to that counsellor?

People think that behaviour, especially undesirable behaviour, happens in a vacuum. Well it takes two to tango. If my husband confessed to having gone and given into temptation of this kind, of course I would be furious, but I might also have to ask him and myself - 'Is there anything I'VE been doing or not doing which led him to act in this way? How could we BOTH improve the marriage?' 

Unless there's something pathological going on, and I don't think he's given us enough evidence that there is, I don't believe that such behaviour is completely isolated from what's going on in the marriage. 

I'm not suggesting it's her fault either, but for all you know, she might not have shagged him for a year or she might have neglected him emotionally. That's not an excuse for him to behave badly, of course, but it might be useful to know what's going on before judging.


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## Flanders (Feb 26, 2010)

This topic is kind of strange for me my wife is taking me to a massage parlor on saturday, early birthday present and she is going to be in there with me. I think it will be hilarious to experience this. My wife is really hot and she is very confident that I won't stray. She just wants to keep her man happy. So I hope I get a hapy ending:smthumbup:.

For you situation, I think you should take her with you and get her a massage from a beautiful women she might like it. Get a massage together it should help your marriage. Or you could look up some swingers in your area and watch her with a dude, then you will be even. Start fresh and have a wild life.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

First of all, I would advise against taking your wife for a massage. It will most likely just remind her of what you did.

Secondly, look inside yourself and figure out why you wanted to go have some other woman "get you off". You researched it, and knew exactly what you were looking for, so at least admit that to yourself, and don't act suprised about the ending.

Third, think about how many men that woman "services" every day, week, month. You may have gotten a clean prostitute, but she's still a prostitute. Are you really suprised your wife is upset? I mean, come on.

Lastly, figure out if you truely want to be with your wife and no other woman. If you do, then find ways that you and your wife can enjoy these types of things with each other and not other people.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Flanders said:


> I think you should take her with you and get her a massage from a beautiful women she might like it. Get a massage together it should help your marriage. Or you could look up some swingers in your area and watch her with a dude, then you will be even. Start fresh and have a wild life.


Sorry, this is might work for you but this is horrible advice in general. I would NOT want to see my husband get massaged by a strange beautiful women and he would NOT want some guy touching me (nor would I want it). 

I am the one giving my husband the massages. That's the problem here, that the OP didn't feel he could get this from his own wife and went looking for it someplace else. The minute he was invited to a private residence he should've turned around and left and the fact that he called the hand job a "happy" ending gives me reason to wonder what the heck is in his head. 

I feel bad for his wife. I recommend that he seek therapy for himself and counseling with his wife. They have a real crisis in their marriage here and I don't blame her for her response to this. It's going to take a lot of commitment on his part to win her trust back and put the marriage on the right track.


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