# How can I become a man of mystey?



## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

How can I become a Man of Mystery? Men of mystery really have a lot of things going for them. First of all, they keep everyone, especially the women guessing. And that works in a man's favor. I can think of no other formum here better to ask this question than the woman's form.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> How can I become a Man of Mystery?


Stop talking to people, and stop writing stuff.

Good luck!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

It's easier than you think. First plan things by yourself. Second do things by yourself. Have I told you to plan a weekend without your wife?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> How can I become a Man of Mystery? Men of mystery really have a lot of things going for them. First of all, they keep everyone, especially the women guessing. And that works in a man's favor. I can think of no other formum here better to ask this question than the woman's form.


I think you should just be yourself, Mr. S. Authenticity is very attractive.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> How can I become a Man of Mystery? Men of mystery really have a lot of things going for them. First of all, they keep everyone, especially the women guessing. And that works in a man's favor. I can think of no other formum here better to ask this question than the woman's form.


You think a woman wants to be kept guessing? That sounds frustrating and confusing. If a man doesn't want to be known, then he doesn't want a close, intimate, loving relationship. Most women looking for a man are looking for a close, loving, intimate relationship, not one full of frustration and confusion.

I have been married 30+ years. I don't want my husband to be a mystery. If he were to hide where he is going, what he is doing, etc. that would be mysterious and would cause me not to trust him. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have sex with him. If I didn't have sex with him, our relationship would surely suffer. No emotionally healthy woman wants to have sex with a man who she's not sure who he is or where he has been.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Being a man of mystery is only positive if the mystery is a positive interesting thing. So, if you pretend to be a normal office worker, but actually fly top secret military aircraft to spy on the Russians - that would be a cool "man of mystery", but of course you could never even hint it to anyone.

The thing about a cool secret life is that it needs to be..well..secret.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If the other side doesn't care, it doesn't matter how mysterious one is.

I'm not a big fan of mystery. I'm what many people call predictably unpredictable. I have worked hard to cultivate my brand. Mystery not included.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> I think you should just be yourself, Mr. S. Authenticity is very attractive.




Totally wrong advice for him if you ready any of this dozens of threads.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

What sane woman wants to be with a man that keeps her guessing? Nothing would make me feel stabby more than a man that can't speak his mind and wants to be "mysterious".


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

It's not so much hiding where you are going as being independent enough to make a plan without consulting anyone. Prove that you can have fun independent of her participation.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> What sane woman wants to be with a man that keeps her guessing? Nothing would make me feel stabby more than a man that can't speak his mind and wants to be "mysterious".






CynthiaDe said:


> You think a woman wants to be kept guessing? That sounds frustrating and confusing. If a man doesn't want to be known, then he doesn't want a close, intimate, loving relationship. Most women looking for a man are looking for a close, loving, intimate relationship, not one full of frustration and confusion.
> 
> 
> 
> I have been married 30+ years. I don't want my husband to be a mystery. If he were to hide where he is going, what he is doing, etc. that would be mysterious and would cause me not to trust him. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have sex with him. If I didn't have sex with him, our relationship would surely suffer. No emotionally healthy woman wants to have sex with a man who she's not sure who he is or where he has been.




OP is following my advice from his other thread. He says and his wife agrees that he wears his emotions on his face too openly. His wife knows him to well. 


I suggested he add some mystery. Do things independently. Not so transparently on the emotions.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Are you confusing mystery with interesting?

On a Saturday morning, get up & shower, shave and put on nice casual clothes. Have your breakfast while looking over a map. Gather your things and hit the road. Should she ask what you're doing, say you're taking a trip. Where? Tell her you'll know when you get there. And do it. Go and discover someplace new just for you.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

A strong man, a mystery man? I just ran across your posts, and if genuine, shouldn't you be seeking the help of a professional therapist to help sort out the underlying issues rather than random quick fix gimmicks?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> OP is following my advice from his other thread. He says and his wife agrees that he wears his emotions on his face too openly. His wife knows him to well.
> 
> 
> I suggested he add some mystery. Do things independently. Not so transparently on the emotions.


I think its great that a couple who are married know each so deeply.
I certainly wouldn't be interested in a husband who kept secrets or played some sort of mystery game.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> How can I become a Man of Mystery? Men of mystery really have a lot of things going for them. First of all, they keep everyone, especially the women guessing. And that works in a man's favor. I can think of no other formum here better to ask this question than the woman's form.


Well it's a mystery to me why you can't scratch your own ass unless you come on tam to ask whether you should do it or not.You want to impress your wife,try making a decision yourself about your own life,that will impress her.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> I think you should just be yourself, Mr. S. Authenticity is very attractive.


Being himself is what got him into this mess.He should be someone else!


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

25 threads OP. You have 25 threads open. It's exasperating reading your threads. You've gotten so much excellent advice already. If you haven't found the answers you're looking for yet, I'm not sure what else the posters here have to offer you. You need professional help to become the kind of partner you want to be. Right now you're like a DIY project, a badly patched one.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Being himself is what got him into this mess.He should be someone else!


How realistic is that, Andy?

You could definitely try therapy, Mr. S. I think that would be a very wise thing for you to do.

But in the absence of that, accepting and loving yourself just as you are might be the next best thing. It might lower your stress level, and make you happier and easier to be with.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> OP is following my advice from his other thread. He says and his wife agrees that he wears his emotions on his face too openly. His wife knows him to well.
> 
> 
> I suggested he add some mystery. Do things independently. Not so transparently on the emotions.



I'm just going to guess that "wears his emotions on his face too openly" is some sort of girl-code for "man-child who emotes like a drunk co-ed" and is an indication that his wife sees him as emotionally unsteady, reactive, or needy. Perhaps, OP, rather than mystery, what would do it for your wife is greater self-mastery - emotional self-control, confidence, decisiveness, and being less emotive or reactionary? Passion for life, self-confidence, decisiveness and emotional strength are generally attractive to women. Being very openly emotional and relying on her to provide emotional strength and stability for you will tend to set up a caretaker or parent/child dynamic that can be a real lady-boner killer. Some women will be immensely attracted to a highly emotive man, but your wife clearly isn't one of those.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> How realistic is that, Andy?
> 
> You could definitely try therapy, Mr. S. I think that would be a very wise thing for you to do.
> 
> But in the absence of that, accepting and loving yourself just as you are might be the next best thing. It might lower your stress level, and make you happier and easier to be with.


Read some of his threads Jld,then ask me is it realistic.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Read some of his threads Jld,then ask me is it realistic.


I don't think it is realistic to ask him to be someone else. And this whole "be a mystery man" thing is ridiculous. 

Real "mystery men" are not that way because someone told them to be. That is just who they are.

Mr. S, please seek professional therapy. Please seek IRL support. You need more than what TAM can provide. At least imo.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

To start, dress like this ...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> I don't think it is realistic to ask him to be someone else. And this whole "be a mystery man" thing is ridiculous.
> 
> Real "mystery men" are not that way because someone told them to be. That is just who they are.
> 
> Mr. S, please seek professional therapy. Please seek IRL support. You need more than what TAM can provide. At least imo.


I don't think humour is one of your strong points Jld.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> I don't think it is realistic to ask him to be someone else. And this whole "be a mystery man" thing is ridiculous.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




But he wants to be different, not who is already is. 

One can accept who they are and do nothing. 

Or one can accept one needs to change, grow and improve. 

He wants the later.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> To start, dress like this ...


How did you get my picture.lol.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I don't think humour is one of your strong points Jld.


No, probably not. But I did not think you were being funny, either.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> But he wants to be different, not who is already is.
> 
> One can accept who they are and do nothing.
> 
> ...


And that is very good. But I do not think telling him to try to be something he clearly is not is helpful.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Rowan said:


> I'm just going to guess that "wears his emotions on his face too openly" is some sort of girl-code for "man-child who emotes like a drunk co-ed" and is an indication that his wife sees him as emotionally unsteady, reactive, or needy. Perhaps, OP, rather than mystery, what would do it for your wife is greater self-mastery - emotional self-control, confidence, decisiveness, and being less emotive or reactionary? Passion for life, self-confidence, decisiveness and emotional strength are generally attractive to women. Being very openly emotional and relying on her to provide emotional strength and stability for you will tend to set up a caretaker or parent/child dynamic that can be a real lady-boner killer. Some women will be immensely attracted to a highly emotive man, but your wife clearly isn't one of those.




Good post. 

Strong, if i can summarize this....

You need to learn to act, not react. 

Act accordingly to your plan and needs, not just reacting to what your wife says or does.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you could start with a trench coat and dark glasses, but i would be careful not to hang around parks where kids play, that is one man of mystery you do not want to be.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> No, probably not. But I did not think you were being funny, either.


Seriously Jld,this guy calls himself Mr Strongman and he is here day after day asking the most inane questions.I can't believe you are answering him with honest advice.He never listens to anyone.If you check back we allready differed in our opinion about him a few weeks ago but here he is with another ridiculous question.
If I offended you with my humour comment it was not intended,I really didn't think you were being serious with your answer.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Seriously Jld,this guy calls himself Mr Strongman and he is here day after day asking the most inane questions.I can't believe you are answering him with honest advice.He never listens to anyone.If you check back we allready differed in our opinion about him a few weeks ago but here he is with another ridiculous question.
> If I offended you with my humour comment it was not intended,I really didn't think you were being serious with your answer.


No, I was not offended. And yes, I always give sincere advice.

Mr. S needs help. He is starving for love. What would it hurt to try to help him love and accept himself? It is a low risk option.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> How can I become a Man of Mystery? Men of mystery really have a lot of things going for them. First of all, they keep everyone, especially the women guessing. And that works in a man's favor. I can think of no other formum here better to ask this question than the woman's form.


Well Mr. StrongMan, 'tis a grand day! For now Mr. MysteryMan (*bows*) is here to answer your question, despite being of the wrong gender!

Anyway, if I learnt anything with current girlfriend, is that the mystery game, well, it actually works, but I found out by accident:



> I wouldn't say I have been dishonest with her, that's just not my style, but I don't like laying the cards on the table, and I keep my promises, one thing she noticed.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/360049-mystery-2.html

Now when trying to piece together what I did that actually worked:

I maintained mystery, let her know about me slowly, didn't rush anything, didn't scare her off. So that's one aspect that logically, makes sense why she became attracted, as I wasn't needy or over-bearing. Also when I refuse to answer some questions, telling her playfully its a secret, it lets her imagination run wild, as well as makes her more curious, as well as showed a fun, non-serious side, all of which only worked to my benefit. At the same time, a mystery man can be seen as untrustworthy, or dishonest, yet I earned her trust the old fashioned way (and arguably the only true way); by earning it through time.

So yeah, the mystery game works - from my experience at least. Your results may still vary!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> Seriously Jld,this guy calls himself Mr Strongman and he is here day after day asking the most inane questions.I can't believe you are answering him with honest advice.He never listens to anyone.If you check back we allready differed in our opinion about him a few weeks ago but here he is with another ridiculous question.
> 
> .



Some people come here for help. 

Not everyone is here for the entertainment.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> How can I become a Man of Mystery? Men of mystery really have a lot of things going for them. First of all, they keep everyone, especially the women guessing. And that works in a man's favor. I can think of no other formum here better to ask this question than the woman's form.


Keep your big trap shut!

How does the saying go? " It is Better to Keep Quiet and Be Thought a Fool Than to Speak and Remove all Doubt".


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Some people come here for help.
> 
> Not everyone is here for the entertainment.


Coming from you that's priceless.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> Coming from you that's priceless.




Touche


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

jld said:


> No, I was not offended. And yes, I always give sincere advice.
> 
> Mr. S needs help. He is starving for love. What would it hurt to try to help him love and accept himself? It is a low risk option.


 @jld

You have grown so much. You have. Much more mature. Not taking sides as often.

And these compliments are from my kitchen, my "Peter Pan" cookery persona'.


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> To start, dress like this ...


Finally a response I can take seriously!!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Some people come here for help.
> 
> Not everyone is here for the entertainment.


Check out the op's last post and tell me HE is being serious.


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

The insults on this thread are really not necessary.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> How can I become a Man of Mystery?


Next time you shart, go about the rest of your day purposely concealing the real reason that you are walking a little different and don't allow anyone to get downwind from you.

That should do it!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> The insults on this thread are really not necessary.


First off... An international man of mystery would have a way better comeback than that! 

How about: 


> My mom warned me that if someone picks on me it is because they like me. You guys need to realize I'm taken and stop being so dang flirtatious with me!


Second off... Oh shît am I flirting with you?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Mysterious isn't the opposite of needy and dependent. It seems that what you are looking for is to be a strong, healthy man who knows his own mind rather than a man who depends on his wife to define him.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> It's not so much hiding where you are going as being independent enough to make a plan without consulting anyone. Prove that you can have fun independent of her participation.


I guess that depends on the status of the relationship. If it was just dating then fine go ahead and make your own plans. Here though we are considerate of each other and will check in first to see if it conflicts with other engagements then if not go ahead and do something independent of each other.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> What sane woman wants to be with a man that keeps her guessing? Nothing would make me feel stabby more than a man that can't speak his mind and wants to be "mysterious".


I love that comment,make me feel stabby lol.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

This thread is groovy baby, yeah!!


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I love that comment,make me feel stabby lol.


Stabby is the short hand version of how it would really make me feel which is *stabby, stabby* while holding a pretend knife in the air. For some odd reason MrH finds this quite amusing, probably because he is a good foot taller and broader than me >


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Keke24 said:


> 25 threads OP. You have 25 threads open. It's exasperating reading your threads. You've gotten so much excellent advice already. If you haven't found the answers you're looking for yet, I'm not sure what else the posters here have to offer you. You need professional help to become the kind of partner you want to be. Right now you're like a DIY project, a badly patched one.


And, you didn't mention all of the threads he deleted.

Personally, I think the OP needs to resume his search for a therapist with whom he is comfortable. 

As to whether he is seriously asking for help or is here for the entertainment value, I vote for the latter because he is a very lonely person. He is here to relieve himself of the loneliness. If this were a grocery store, he would be wandering the aisles with nothing in his cart.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> ... he is a very lonely person. He is here to relieve himself of the loneliness. If this were a grocery store, he would be wandering the aisles with nothing in his cart.


Quite true. The OP himself has mentioned loneliness numerous times. However, asking something - ANYTHING - no matter how inane is what borders on the comically pathetic. People have offered him good sound advice. He'll hit the "like" button and then continues with the same complaints. Sad.


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> Mysterious isn't the opposite of needy and dependent. It seems that what you are looking for is to be a strong, healthy man who knows his own mind rather than a man who depends on his wife to define him.


Dang... The latter part of what you wrote is totally right on.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Mr.StrongMan said:


> The insults on this thread are really not necessary.




But they are fun.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What about changing your username to Mr.MysteryMan?


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Mr.StrongMan said:
> 
> 
> > The insults on this thread are really not necessary.
> ...


Of course they are. If they weren't they wouldn't be said.


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> What about changing your username to Mr.MysteryMan?


For once you write something intelligent.
Now where's that moderator?!


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Okay young one, I will give you the key to unlock this puzzle! You want to know how to be a man of mystery? In order to be a man of mystery, you must... 






(see, mysterious ain't I!) 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Why do you want to become Austin Powers exactly? Because you think it will get women to like you? So you are putting on an act to get women to like you, what happens when she discovers you are not Austin Powers but just Mr. Strongman? How about you just pursue things you love and stop worrying about women liking you. You know what women like, confidence. Work on that. Also practice the art of communication. Learn to dress nice.

Or get a time machine and go back to the swinging 60's. Yeah Baby!


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

sokillme said:


> How about you just pursue things you love and stop worrying about women liking you. You know what women like, confidence. Work on that. Also practice the art of communication. Learn to dress nice.


That would require him to change something in his life and he won't do that. Attention hoeing and throwing a pity party on the internet is much easier.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Closed.


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