# please I need some Help!



## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

If I tell you my story your heart may break but I am fine now and recently back on my feet in terms of dating women. 

Over the past year being seperated, I've met quite a few women but I wasnt very attracted to them. 

So in December I met this girl through a mutual friend who I was super attracted to. I seen her here and there at a few parties and I guess after a while I let her know that I was interested in getting to know her better. 

Later that night before leaving she gave me her number. 

We exchanged msgs in January and finally met and the end of the month. We really kicked it off.. we ended up cancelling our movie and went back to my car where we ended up talking for at least 4 hrs... I was impressed that finally I found someone who I was actually interested in getting to know. 

Now please read carefully becasue I've been through a lot in my past relationship whereby I found out my wife was sleeping with her coworker and when I found out I left her immediately and ended the marriage of only 2.5 yrs. She was all I knew was with her for 12 yrs +.. totally devastated and heartbroken...

Fastforward I year later to be almost exact I look better feel better and ready for 2012. 

So back to this new girl, to be straight to the point I slept with her the second time I seen her. We spent the entire night together. Spent Valentines day with her and spent the night in a hotel room. Spent the entire day after hanging out and watching movies etc. 

Seen her almost once a week until maybe March. But the understanding was that we were both somewhat newly single and we would take things one ste at a time. .. not once did we speak about a relationship or commiment... 

Now here's where things change...

After we started sleeping together I did however, to be responsible and safe, asked her if she was sleeping with anyone else? I really didnt care at this point but if she was I wanted to use condoms. Taht's all... she said No... 

Over a period of time I asked her repeatidley and she said no even sort of made it seem like I was making her feel like a *****. 

I decided to buy a nice sports car and had to drive out to Ottawa to pick it up. I decided to ask her to come with me to keep me company. 

Again on our trip I asked her again.. Still no..

When we returned soon after she told me that she was ok with just seeing me even tho I didnt want any commitment etc. I thought she was so cool and figured that she was showing me that she wanted more from me...

coming from my situation though, I know that I wasnt ready for the commitment to anyone or anything but I still was completely honest and upfront with her from DAY 1.. I even told her that I hate ppl who lie.. that is my biggest pet peeve and turn off. 

She knew this...

Couple months pass and I can honestly say that she has been nothing but sweet, caring, and affectionate towards me. 

However, there was something about her from day 1 that I kinda figured that she was a great companion but not someone who I could see myself serious with or married to etc.. (this had to do with education, finances, permiscuity etc) 

I could say these things with no guilt b/c I never for once led her on to think we would be together rather I've told her I dont ever see myself married or commited to anyone again...

Anyways just last week I've come to find that during the time we were getting to know each other she had sex with a cop she met when her and a friend were pulled over early in January. She slept with him in Marh which apparantly was the "first and only" time. They stayed in a motel for couple hrs... before and after then she was msging him dirty msgs all the way up until me and her went away to Ottawa. I do however by way of he her msgs see that she cut him off cold turkey when we came back from picking up my new ride. 

Oh a side note the day I found this out she told me that she slept with her teacher back in December while attending college... she said he was her age.. and she said it was immoral..

Her excuse for both was that she was still finding herself and what it was to be single and experimenting etc. She started seeing her teacher after she broke up with her boyfriend of 8 yrs. which apparantly was before me so I cant hold that against her. 

What erks me is the fact that with nothing at stake and me and her getting to know one another, me not really caring if she was seeing other ppl b/c I wanted to take things one step at a time...she lied to me about seeing other ppl. To top it off, it wasnt even someone she said she like it was a cop that pulled her over and it was a "fling".. Her messages were very explicit and dirty told him he could do her in his car.. sent him semi nude picks etc... this was all before we left literally up to the day I picked up my new sports car... when we got back by the looks of her msgs, she cut off all communication with him. 

My question is I want a womans perspective on this:

Is her history and behaviour something normal that any woman will do when single or in general?.. "flings, one night stands etc", cops, teachers, etc. And then all of a sudden what so much more from me. 

Or are these early warning signs that this is not the "type" of woman I want to start a meaningful relationship with. 

As a side, I never really though she was the bring home to parents type, but she is a very sweet girl, been nothing but good to me... and the sex is rediculous! (like I've never had before) 

The wierd part about it is that I am hurt at the fact that she lied to me for 1 (taking away my choice to use protection) 

2. sending extreme sexual msgs to this man right up until the weekend we left for Ottawa. 

Should I cut it off immediatly or continue the relationship for the mere pleasure and enjoy her while I am single.

She did send me an email begging me for forgiveness and asking me to dig deep and give her a second chance to prove that she will never lie or cheat on me.. and that she ****ed up this one and only time. She even mentioned that her feelings for me are beyond like now she has love for me and that she is not asking me for a commitment just not to cut her out of my life. 


Please Help!!


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Anyone???


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## viggling (Apr 27, 2012)

thats a tough one but it seems like you are not formal boyfriend/girlfriend so imo its not cheating


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I understand the need you have for honesty. But the very fact that you weren't serious about her and never will be leads me to think you should drop it. If you're just having fun...then have fun. Don't hold her to a standard you yourself are not even really wanting from her.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

So do you think I should drop the idea of her lying to me and just continue to have fun? See I actually have been spending a lot of time with her and the last thing I want to do is lead her on. I care too much about her to do that.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Ummmm....my heart didn't break. Move on or enjoy my friend....pretty simple.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The issue is entirely that she chose to lie, well that and she jumped into a sleazy romp with a cop she just met.

However, I think there is also a question of this only being a one time romp in March. I doubt he would continue to put the effort in, this long without any return.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

You havent been using condoms with someone you werent committed to? Thats really stupid, man.

To answer your question, YOU made ot very clear you wanted this to be casual, then when she behaves in a casual manner you get mad? Seriously, I think you have no reason to feel angry with her & I think you are actually upset because you let yourself believe this girl was waiting around for you to choose her, when all the while she was having her cake & eating it too... just like you both agreed to in the begining.

But, really? No condoms? You are so luck that you are not being treated for VD amd arent in court for a child support hearing. Think about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

MadeInMichigan said:


> Ummmm....my heart didn't break. Move on or enjoy my friend....pretty simple.


I was talking about my marriage


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Technically she was single at the time. And you said yourself you don't/didn't see her as a "serious" partner potential, so I get why you're upset but this is a double-edged sword.

Also, why did you keep on asking her repeatedly i she was sleeping with someone else??? 

Thing is, now you know the truth. So move on. Cause you're obviously not down with it. And not just that, again, you've said you don't see it being "serious" with her.

Accept it for what it was--a casual, no-strings attached sexationship (lol) and carry on w/ your life.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Technically she was single at the time. And you said yourself you don't/didn't see her as a "serious" partner potential, so I get why you're upset but this is a double-edged sword.
> 
> Also, why did you keep on asking her repeatedly i she was sleeping with someone else???
> 
> ...



See here is the thing... we have sensational sex together and after coming out of my marriage last year it feels like she is a blessing in disguise in terms of this short term fulfillment. Maybe I need to accept the fact that the relationship type wont be as much fun right off the bat.. and right now I dont need a relationship and this type of girl may come with flaws and baggage. 

I see it as I help her and she helps me... Do you think it's possible to go at it like animals and not become emotionally attached?


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