# Can't get hard without her



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The thread 'Can't get hard with her' made me think of this issue.

Not really an issue, but I am wondering if this is normal.

I am 50 years old. I have never not been able to get erect. All my wife has to do is show sexual interest. Like hold my hand or let me hug her and I get erect. No touch required. It is automatic. 

But when I am alone, I can touch myself for a long time and not get hard. If we have gone a while without sex, I get the urge mentally, but have a hard time getting erect. If I watch porn I can eventually get hard.

I still wake up erect often, but sometimes if I try to masturbate in the morning, the erection goes away.

But with my wife it never goes away unless we have sex.

Normal?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The best kind of normal!


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## GIM003 (Feb 5, 2014)

I'm 51 and am finding the same pattern-- much easier to get hard with my wife. I don't know if this is normal, but at least I can say that you are not alone.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

SadSamIAm said:


> The thread 'Can't get hard with her' made me think of this issue.
> 
> Not really an issue, but I am wondering if this is normal.
> 
> ...


OP - all I can say is that your wife is a lucky, lucky woman


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

All I can say is that it's a good thing this special woman isn't an ex!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

It is good when she wants me! Not so good a bunch of the time. 

Worried this might be a sign that impotence might be coming down the road.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> It is good when she wants me! Not so good a bunch of the time.
> 
> Worried this might be a sign that impotence might be coming down the road.


Obviously I'm not but a man, but my understanding is that men can have responsive desire just like women. What this means is that yes you may want to have sex and want your wife, but your body responds to the erotic environment.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I wouldn't assume it implies impotence is in your future. I would do some research before coming to that conclusion. I'd say if you have no problem getting an erection with her, then vascularly you might be OK. But, it is all speculation. I'd do some searching online or ask a qualified specialist.



At 47, I will say it is not as exciting being alone with myself as it used to be.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> All I can say is that it's a good thing this special woman isn't an ex!


You beat me to it! I was expecting her to be an ex when I first saw the title.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

I am 51 and am almost like that. My wife just gives me the minimal amount of encouragement and I am ready - no problem. While I don't look at porn that often, when I do it has to be girl - girl and one of them has to be built like my wife or it does not have an effect on me - not sure if that's normal either? Other types of porn have no effect on me so I do not look at it. If I fantasize, my wife has to be the focal point or again - no effect. I guess that's a good thing - no?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am going to say my H is like this.. but I know for his age (50)... his Test levels COULD BE higher compared to other men this age...having been tested yrs ago.. he is not the Horny thing he used to be.. back then I wondered if it EVER WENT DOWN...when something is a constant, you tend to take it for granted....Today.. I could kick myself for that, I would give anything for him to be like that NOW..

And that's where us women step IN.. you need us ... to stimulate you.. now our roles can take on a more assertive nature....

I bought this book recently ... All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50  ..notice what it says about the "Big 5" ....I can attest this is true of my H... if he's too hot, too tired, if it's at night..if we've done it days in a row.....some stimulation is a must.. 

Now mornings...he's good to go...just a little mental is all it takes...



> "Turning 50 can be one of the most powerful and positive sexual passages in a man's life," writes Barbara Keesling, a sexuality and psychotherapy educator. However, "the focus has to be on lovemaking, not erections--on partnership, not performance."
> 
> *After 50, men's sexual response is affected by the "Big 5": stimulation, circulation, lubrication, stress, and sleep*. Keesling teaches women (and men) how to understand how the "Big 5" affect sex, and specifically what to do about each of them. For example, anything that affects blood flow affects erections: temperature, time after eating, position, friction, gravity, and illness, to name just a few.
> Keesling presents a series of exercises designed to keep your man "sexually fit, sexually focused, and sexually fabulous for decades." Some are performed during lovemaking; others are completely separate from sex. Some are done by the woman on the man; others by the man on his own. She also offers her 21 "home remedies" for maximizing sexual enjoyment.
> ...


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am going to say my H is like this.. but I know for his age (50)... his Test levels COULD BE higher compared to other men this age...having been tested yrs ago.. he is not the Horny thing he used to be.. back then I wondered if it EVER WENT DOWN...when something is a constant, you tend to take it for granted....Today.. I could kick myself for that, I would give anything for him to be like that NOW..
> 
> And that's where us women step IN.. you need us ... to stimulate you.. now our roles can take on a more assertive nature....
> 
> ...


I can relate to this at 51. My wife is 48 and just had a partial hysterectomy back in the end of December - I think it was mid February before we could resume sexual activity. I had been used to sex about once a week for about the last two years - way down form the 2-3 days a week I had been accustomed to. We discovered last summer that she really had some issues and we ended up doing the operation in December once she got her iron levels up to where they should be.

Now, I have a sexual dynamo and she actually is more in the mood than me all the time. Back in my 20’s 30s I could have gone at it twice a day as I was very HD. Now, not so much. I know some people will think this is bad, but I have actually turned to porn way more than before – not to masturbate, but to just get the juices flowing prior to my wife coming to bed. Since doing this when needed, my wife has always given me an orgasm (which I used to have 100% of the time back in the day). I actually had a few times back in March and April where she just could not get to me which frustrates her very much. I don’t look at porn every day – only after we have had sex say two out of three days – I make sure I am ready just in case now every night – which is something I went a few years of never having to worry about – I actually had to initiate every time – and now, she initiates at least 50% of the time.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DH makes this claim,can't get hard without me,sexy pics of me,or sexy messages from me.

Who knows how true it is honestly. But whatever. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with needing your wife in order to get hard.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Aspydad said:


> Since doing this when needed, my wife has always given me an orgasm (which I used to have 100% of the time back in the day). I actually had a few times back in March and April where she just could not get to me which frustrates her very much. I don’t look at porn every day – only after we have had sex say two out of three days – I make sure I am ready just in case now every night – which is something I went a few years of never having to worry about –* I actually had to initiate every time – and now, she initiates at least 50% of the time.*


I've read a few books on hormones... beings I was worried about my H's levels at one time, plus what in the world was happening to me.. anyway, that shift for me was traumatic, I finally got a taste of what MEN have to put up with when they're young and basically clueless to how much YOU need it... '

I found this on the net...



> *Balance the seesaw.*
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


 This was a great book explaining how our hormones affect how we act/ our chemistry/ relationships through the different sexual stages of our lives...each chapter is devoted to a different hormone...

The Alchemy of Love and Lust: Books..

I never cared for Porn before I hit my early 40's (though always loved a Hot R rated scene).. then with the higher sex drive came this antsy magnetic pull to set my eyes on it...it was like ELECTRIC to me... I could see how Men get addicted to it...could have happened to me, that is why I looked for a sex forum to divert my attention -to be honest.. 

I was happy my H was not a religious man telling me I was a sinner at the time...that would have caused many fights the way I was feeling.... as in years Past I kinda thew that on him.. had a few tears cause he was looking at Playboy bunnies (I wasn't too bad about this... still thought "boys will be boys" -but I'd try to put him on a guilt trip....his porn interests were always very TAM though....he doesn't even want to see the man in it...just solo stills ...and he always saved himself for me, even then, so really I had nothing to complain about.

So now we just enjoy it together, we don't need it... which is good, but sometimes it does heightens the juices flowing...then other times doing something else to heighten a little novelty...dressing up, doing it outside, playing a sex game, erotic massage..etc etc..and lots of Oral (something else I neglected in the past)! It all helps..


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I've read a few books on hormones... beings I was worried about my H's levels at one time, plus what in the world was happening to me.. anyway, that shift for me was traumatic, I finally got a taste of what MEN have to put up with when they're young and basically clueless to how much YOU need it... '
> 
> I found this on the net...
> 
> ...


SA, thanks for this information! I am going to share some of this with my wife.

While I was brought up Catholic and actually only went to church with my parents on holidays growing up, I was allot more open about sex when I was younger. Heck, my dad had a great supply of Penthouse and Playboy magazine’s that I found late in my high-school years. However, my wife grew up in a very strict religious environment – sex was only between man and wife and any sex outside of marriage was evil – period – including masturbation. She was an only child and way over managed by her mother. I dated my wife for 4.5 years prior to getting married - took two months just to get to second base and another two years to get to third base (I really took this as a challenge - I had already lost my virginity prior to meeting my wife so I guess that why I could wait). The last two years prior to marriage actually were great as we could both get to each other (orgasm) without going to 4th base. I did marry a virgin as she was determined to wait – and that was fine with me. Actually, a very good thing as she was very fertile – we used birth control when first married and she got pregnant every time the first month after going off the pill. 

My wife has come a long way since she was brain washed (as I call it) by her parents. Thank God for the internet as we have done allot of research on the topic – we have both concluded that sex in of itself is NOT evil – God actually created our bodies and sex and nowhere in the Bible does it ever call sex evil. 

With regards to porn usage – my wife really does not ever look at it except with me – and this is not very often. Back a few years back when her drive was down, we would watch it together and it really would get her going quick – problem was we would watch maybe two minutes and then she would attack me and we really did not even watch it after that. That got old kind of quick so we only used it if she really could not get herself in the mood. We actually talked about it the other day and we will probably watch it when we go a vacation this summer as I want to have sex twice a day for the entire week and at our age we probably will need something to be able to keep that up. We do not like any straight porn at all – only thing we watch is girl on girl and they have to be older – says 30s 40s in age and nothing nasty. I found a site that has this. For some reason girl – girl turns her on even though she has no desire to ever be with another woman. Also, it turns me on that she gets off on it as well so it really works great.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I've never heard of this problem before, but seems like a good one.

somewhat like a chastity/fidelity belt.

You couldn't cheat even if you tried!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Aspydad said:


> SA, thanks for this information! I am going to share some of this with my wife.


 For any woman who may be "sexually repressed" ..from strict religious teachings that followed her into marriage...(though sounds your wife has grown out of it )..... I shared my thoughts on this in this thread...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...sets-collide-sexually-repressed-awakened.html



> While I was brought up Catholic and actually only went to church with my parents on holidays growing up, I was allot more open about sex when I was younger. Heck, my dad had a great supply of Penthouse and Playboy magazine’s that I found late in my high-school years. However, my wife grew up in a very strict religious environment – sex was only between man and wife and any sex outside of marriage was evil – period – including masturbation. She was an only child and way over managed by her mother. I dated my wife for 4.5 years prior to getting married - took two months just to get to second base and another two years to get to third base (I really took this as a challenge - I had already lost my virginity prior to meeting my wife so I guess that why I could wait). The last two years prior to marriage actually were great as we could both get to each other (orgasm) without going to 4th base. I did marry a virgin as she was determined to wait – and that was fine with me. Actually, a very good thing as she was very fertile – we used birth control when first married and she got pregnant every time the first month after going off the pill.


 Me and my H waited for intercourse.. (I was just 15 when we met).....(we still had our fun & orgasms while our emotional connection grew)...I will say where religious teachings helped restrain me... the romance of it inspired me... it was something I felt very strongly about in my youth...to only be with 1 man , the one who gave me his ALL...and took my hand in marriage....

But I do remember thinking early on.... "OMG how are we not going to go there!!".. so we just got used to what we did.. It's a deep subject... I don't think it's advisable for teens to just dive in with various partners, ya know.. there is something very special about waiting till you find someone you love -for life / commitment and all that.. but that's just my personal opinion.. 

I feel the church goes TOO FAR....they need to be talking about SEX in the pulpit ... not shunning the subject, but acknowledging the role hormones play in the sexes... it's testosterone, NOT SATAN... Masturbation is GOOD!!..



> My wife has come a long way since she was brain washed (as I call it) by her parents. Thank God for the internet as we have done allot of research on the topic – we have both concluded that sex in of itself is NOT evil – God actually created our bodies and sex and nowhere in the Bible does it ever call sex evil.


 Of course sex is not EVIL.. but in anything that carries this much power, pleasure and beauty...not to mention emotional attachment...it also has the power to rip our hearts out, be abused and perverted...causing much damage along it's path...when not used carefully...ethically...one doesn't need religion to understand this.. Sex can be the greatest expression of Love ...but is also the deepest form of BETRAYAL...



> With regards to porn usage – my wife really does not ever look at it except with me – and this is not very often. Back a few years back when her drive was down, we would watch it together and it really would get her going quick – problem was we would watch maybe two minutes and then she would attack me and we really did not even watch it after that. That got old kind of quick so we only used it if she really could not get herself in the mood. We actually talked about it the other day and we will probably watch it when we go a vacation this summer as I want to have sex twice a day for the entire week and at our age we probably will need something to be able to keep that up. We do not like any straight porn at all – only thing we watch is girl on girl and they have to be older – says 30s 40s in age and nothing nasty. I found a site that has this. For some reason girl – girl turns her on even though she has no desire to ever be with another woman. Also, it turns me on that she gets off on it as well so it really works great.


 It seems lots of women like to see women on women...not me.. where is the Fast forward button!!... No greater art than man& women together though.


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## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

Its great, in your age is this absolutelly normal. Your wife must be happy that only she can create a erection


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## sgreenberg (Jul 9, 2013)

I have a very similar pattern of response. I can't really get or stay hard when I'm by myself anymore, but I almost never have issues with my wife. I'm a little more concerned, though, as I'm only 40. I too fear that it bodes poorly for the future, but maybe it's just in my head.

The other re-assuring aspect is that I sometimes do wake up with ragers, particularly in the middle of the night if I have pee (which isn't terribly convenient, of course).


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

A dry spell would be difficult when matters cannot be sorted out alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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