# I cannot get over losing my support workers. Should I move out of my flat?



## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I cannot go back to my flat for legal reasons until 19 December, provided the a-hole judge says I can. This is really annoying because I have to use others as if they were running a ferry service. He will probably fine me. See my previous posts.

But the root problem is not so much that, but really all to do with my obsession with this Sara and Joanna who used to support me, until it was made aware I liked them in an unhealthy way. 

Why should I go back to living there anyway? Those women are off helping others and I am not scared to admit the thought of that makes me jealous. They would decline to do sleepovers because they know I will come like a sick puppy dog to them just to grace myself with my very unpleasant presence.

Joanna studies now too, going by what someone told me. She will probably leave one day, and so we will never make up, so why bother living there? I wound up jailed twice over these two, yet they hardly care at all that everything I endured like the lying, the heartache and the multiple arrests by the police was all over them. My life should not end because of two women, but now my anxiety is destroying me. Maybe I should be dead. What life do I really have left to lead now? I even quit my support, so I am screwed either way.

Every night when I go to a general store to use a self-service machine to pay for items I am buying, I just feel hot and quite anxious. Stress causes that to get worse if left untreated because it is like the stress has a grip on me. Agoraphobia can be worsened by stress. Years ago, I had a job, but I was never this anxious, but then again - all this crap had yet to play out. Now unless I get this anxiety in check, my life may as well be over.

That boss of theirs will never bring them back. They most likely would not want to work with me again in any case and I cannot email them or contact them AT ALL, or I know my butt will be locked away again when the pigs find me. It is horrible waking up every morning remembering being in jail and I got assaulted once too.

However, what is the company doing to rectify the problems? NOTHING. That is what!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Dude, as sorry as I am for the situation you're in, you need a lot more help than we can give you. See your previous threads for the same kind of advice you'll get all over again. 

In any case, if you can't live in your flat till the middle of December, you need to fund somewhere to live. What are your options? 

C


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

take it easy, and destroy any thought of harming yourself, is just not worth, i have read some of your threads and I am not sure I am the right person to try to advice you, but you sound like a good person that realizes have issues and tries to improve daily by adressing such issues.

maybe my advice would be, find a hoby something that can make you passionate by trying to perfect it (painting, sports, something recreational, larning to play an instrument).

maybe focusing your attention in a productive hoby will help you to forget these women and feel more relaxed and complete


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> I cannot go back to my flat for legal reasons until 19 December, provided the a-hole judge says I can.





Aniseed Toffee said:


> I wound up jailed twice over these two





Aniseed Toffee said:


> However, what is the company doing to rectify the problems? NOTHING. That is what!


It's the ahole judge's fault you can't go to your flat, it's those two other people's fault you were put in jail twice and it's the company's fault you have problems that aren't rectified.

Is any of that your fault?

From your other threads:



Aniseed Toffee said:


> When I hit a woman in the street named Nichola on the head slightly





Aniseed Toffee said:


> My lawyer was concerned I may do something dumb again





Aniseed Toffee said:


> I looked up Joanna's address online once it become apparent her bosses would not bring her back to my team
> 
> A few days later, I got arrested a second time after telling Joanna on Facebook I planned to do a pornographic movie with a woman I found through a model agency. I was then found by police yards from where she lives that morning after I emailed people saying I would commit suicide but go see Joanna first


You "slightly hit a woman on the head in the street", you've been stalking women, and your own lawyer is concerned you'll do something dumb again.

Here's an idea.. stop doing dumb impulsive things, stop stalking women who want nothing to do with you, and watch things get better.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

lenzi said:


> It's the ahole judge's fault you can't go to your flat, it's those two other people's fault you were put in jail twice and it's the company's fault you have problems that aren't rectified.
> 
> Is any of that your fault?


Quite right.

Question is, when everything is somebody elses fault, who seeks help when they don't think have a problem?

NOT your typical 'it's everyone else' types. They don't seek help cuz it's everyone else that needs it.

Who'd enjoy psychiatric attention? 

Münchausen with a needle phobia?

Or troll syndrome?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Flying Dutchman, is your name from Alone in the Dark 2?


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

No. It's from Pandora and the Flying Dutchman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

My mother was the one who got the cops to arrest me in September. She felt it was better than running away they got me then rather than trying to evade them for as long as I could and I was exhausted that morning, but there was NOWHERE for me to go to rest up, as I do not exactly have a big circle of friends and they know where my mate Frank lives. However, there was a good reason why I ran off - I got arrested post jail release already when a senior set me up near where the office is and knew that I would be in soapy bubble for writing more "apology" notes on their Facebook accounts. They probably do not give two turds about my persistent attempts to apologize and work with them again anyway, so it was ultimately pointless to go back to prison over them two, when they did not desire to make up with me in the first place. They probably think I am some obsessed lonely freak, but I only had good intentions for wanting them to remain as my support workers, until their seniors lied and more.

I was bailed to my family's address in September and even before that, I had been staying there and I still am there. And really, that isn't a homely environment. It is cooking upstairs, the house is so cluttered with pointless junk (which I appear to be forbidden from chucking out) and I have to use a PC in the living room when I want to post on forums or send anybody emails. My father often appears to spy on what I am doing, but my laptop is in the cop shop.

I can get online upstairs with my sister's Xbox 360 console, but that is not really ideal for posting long messages, but is fine for just browsing the Internet, as when you are emailing people, it expands the whole screen and is nippy for typing out long emails or posts. My sister gave it to me for to play games after my one stopped working. She never plays games anyway, so she did not mind me borrowing it.

I did try telling the boss people nicely that I messed up and if they just returned as my support workers months ago, we could have seen therapy take place through interpersonal reconcilation. No, not that kind of reconcilation, like couples in a marriage, but kind of like me making amends and everything is forgiving. Not that we were friends or chums, but I mean I felt I should have been redeeming myself for the way I behaved, but I tried this route long before I was even remanded in jail and that was because I refused to give up trying once the boss made her decision stick. But then there was this annoying barrier put up because I had an inappropriate crush on them and they refused under any circumstances to let me work with them again, yet they could still support Keith, Ania, Scott and Vivien, plus whoever else. That just made me feel jealous, hurt, unwanted and unheard. 

Tell me: I know that hurt me. Would it have hurt you had you been in my spot?


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I doubt you'll find anyone here that's been in your spot, Aniseed. 

You have a pretty unique way of getting attention. Not really a misogynist/power stalker, yet not a typical erotomaniac either.

I'm struggling. You announce a 'stalk plus suicide' to ensure intervention and attention, and they jail you?

Why are they not getting you help? Your mum being a copper should know you need it. 

Something ain't right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I'm a home healthcare worker. We have the right of refusal as much as the patient/client does to work with or for a patient/client.

Support companies have policies in place for the safety of the client and worker. This is for exactly the situation you have described you are in.

I've been on the other side of this situation as the object of a clients obsession. I'm sorry if it hurt you that the company and workers cut the access to those workers but it is absolutely a necessary action. There are huge legal ramifications for that company. Especially if they have a worker union to deal with on top of the industry health laws and labor laws.

You don't need those workers in your presence or access to them to seek therapy. You should be seeking a therapist for yourself to work through not just the incident but for your own personal health.

I suggest you do seek a therapist to help you understand both how you came to find yourself in this situation and why you gravitate to these types of situations.

It is no one else that holds the blame for your current situation but you. Once you can learn to take responsibility for your actions/words you will find it easier to reconcile the incident and life will be easier to cope with. A therapist can also help you learn more coping tools for life. What you did, continued to do was way beyond the professional support worker/client boundaries. It is also utterly exhausting, frustrating and emotionally draining for a client to latch on in an unhealthy manner for a worker. That is why it is drilled into new workers heads professional boundaries, professional boundaries, professional boundaries. Our clients are not our friends, they are the people we serve in a professional manner. It is part of our scope of practice.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

It's hard enough just keeping up with the latest acronyms, phraseology and new government department names, lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

*Re: Re: I cannot get over losing my support workers. Should I move out of my flat?*



Flying_Dutchman said:


> It's hard enough just keeping up with the latest acronyms, phraseology and new government department names, lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely agree...and both the company, worker AND client have to be aware of the changes to laws that affect their privileges and rights to provide service, perform service and have access to service.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I just did a refresher course. Luckily, the fundamental principles are hard-wired. I feel sorry for the school leavers who come in and have to learn it all, when they can get more money stacking shelves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Well OK. I know there are rules but I never really ever set out to harm anyone, nor was I just going to accept being fed lies over facts. It would have been horrid to hear they were not gonna be my support workers any longer right at the beginning of the situation, but a harsh reality is better than false hope. Am I right? Oh and my mother is not a cop. She called them up then they had me surrounded in the park and I got detained but arrested that day. And my life is ruined forever all over my heart beckoning me to make things right again and that was decent of me. When the judge had me locked up, I felt insulted. Here I was, just wanting happiness to ensue then they gobbed all over my freedom.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> Well OK. I know there are rules but I never really ever set out to harm anyone, nor was I just going to accept being fed lies over facts. It would have been horrid to hear they were not gonna be my support workers any longer
> 
> When the judge had me locked up, I felt insulted. Here I was, just wanting happiness to ensue then they gobbed all over my freedom.


Just from what I've read of your posts on this board, I consider you to be a danger to others.

There's a good reason why your parents are spying on you, and there's good reason why you've been in jail a few times and there's a good reason why these female support workers want nothing to do with you.

Leave them alone. 

They have a right to not be bothered by you.

We live in a society that has rules. One of those rules is to respect the rights and privacy of others. You continue to break those rules, so you have lost your freedom.

You have no one to blame but yourself. And until you figure that out, you will continue to struggle.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> Oh and my mother is not a cop.


My fault. I misread it.

Regardless. You have been arrested for harassment/stalking and possibly a related assault. You've indicted feeling suicidal.

When arrested, a desk Sergeant or booking officer would know that, and enquire as to your health. Irrespective of what you said, stalking and self-harm threats warranted a doctor. There was another opportunity in court,,, plus your ongoing monitoring in detention that, by law, should've been a suicide watch.

If I take what you've written at face value you have, at best, behavioural problems, at worst - with the low level conspiracies forming - the onset of schizophrenia or something that mimics it.

Given that you flag your own behaviour and have some small understanding of some of it, I'm most inclined to think it's related to attention seeking.

Either way, you should've been assessed. If you haven't been you should get yourself assessed. Your behaviour endangers you if not others. If it is schizophrenia you will become a danger to others and yourself given what it's doing already.

You owe it to yourself to get diagnosed and helped. If you don't, your life will be blighted by the 'petty' crimes of your current behaviour or you will deteriorate and do who knows what.

Get help. You'll feel much better for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Dude, I had help - from them! But then they lied. You know you are screwed when even the system you rely upon betrays your trust.

I never utilized my shifts properly I will admit and reality has now set in. Cold reality screwed me over. I feel like such a donkey.

My confidence is never coming back. Life will just be a lonely "routine" from now on. Sara and Joanna are not the darling angels I portrayed them to be and I must lower my expectations of any future care personnel.

Edit: I was in a cell with a light on so I was placed on suicide watch, but in the police station - not in prison. They even took my shirt off me when I pretended to strangle myself in the cell they put me in.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

It broke my heart to lose Sara. We had intended to go cycling this summer. We planned it over a year ago, but it was getting near the winter so she said to wait until the summer. It was something I was so looking forward to. That is but a memory now that will never be fulfilled in my real-life.

I only ever had the nicest things to say about those women. Then this prick (Andrew), well he lied about my shifts and I just knew he was a total snake. A real King Cobra with no respect for honesty. He should never have been in charge of the support rota. He probably lied about Joanna last year when he claimed she was busy. That is not paranoia at all. I knew the guy well - you didn't!

I remember that last shift with Sara where we baked a sponge cake and we had been making a mess with the flour and did all the measuring wrong. But at least we had a good chuckle that day. That ended up being our last ever shift. It hurt me that much, I had to discard the tin I used to bake the cake. My co-pilot James in jail thought it was ridiculous I done that and laughed about it, but he did agree that people will want to dispose of items that 'remind' you of someone. That lying they done hurt me and I so wanted to kick that a-hole really hard in the head, Randy Orton style, and have him carried away to a hospital.

Before Christmas time, Sara and I were at Number 6 where I gain support and she says she was seeing a male friend afterwards. It was obviously probably her boyfriend and when I had to go back for my gloves, she had already buggered off. Then I went home and lay fully clothed in my empty bath in the dark feeling chilly, depressed and lonesome. That is not healthy, but I knew then I was falling in love with the Hispanic beauty who was paid to be my aide. But the next week, she come clean after I referred to her as 'petal' in a text I sent to her work phone and told me others were aware I liked her, but when I got shifts with her after that afternoon, she was always treating me like dung. The rest is...HISTORY! 

Yes. My life sucks and I have been made to look like a fool an unheard of amount of times throughout my young life. But I accept now that I was a deluded twit for thinking I could EVER get with gorgeous women like them, whether they are caregivers or total strangers. Nobody would want to date me. I am too thin, unattractive, obsessive and now I suffer anxiety attacks in social situations due to a panic attack I had in 2009. Yeah - I am certain my adrenal glands are going to be the reason I miss out on meeting the potential Mrs. Anderson when the opportunity is finally there.

None of this mess was ever necessary and Autism Initiatives is no longer for me. Think about the lies and only the lies.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> I pretended to strangle myself in the cell they put me in.


Why did you pretend to strangle yourself?


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Well, it ain't a situation one wants to be in, getting arrested by the pigs three times in the same month. Maybe...


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

So you pretended to strangle yourself in your prison cell because you didn't want to be in that situation?

I'm not seeing how that's going to accomplish anything.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Does it really matter? The pigs treated me in a disrespectful way and AI changed my life forever. I had absolutely nothing against that company UNTIL they lied about those women and I know they were removing folk behind my back that they believed I was growing too fond of. They done it with this Ruth too, a long time ago. And all I even did in the beginning was just say she was a favourite of mine, over her personality. I never made sexual remarks and I never said she had nice tits, a good arse or a nice figure because I know that is disrespectful in a working relationship and I am not that vocal about a woman's body anyway. I love a good ride as much as the next guy, but I need never brag to people about it. 

Me complimenting a worker lead to them rigging my rota and quietly dropping people. They would do it with the men too if you started to prefer that guy or guys to others, when apparently they all should do the exact same job and I am not to comment about their personality, especially in the case of a female. Oh, no. 

Yet it happened like that. We cannot undo what happened. The only day that matters is today, the here and now, and that is it.

If they had a concern or two about me becoming infatuated or attached, why didn't they cast it up to begin with? Wouldn't that have been more by the book and even kind of decent of them? Just take Person A off me and say absolutely nothing truthful, why don't you? OK, I won't mind. You can just fob me off and leave me to ponder what is going on. 

That is a summary (albeit in a sarcastic way) of what they done, for real and true. I lost my beloved key worker and do they care? No. But when I get out of jail they just say, 'yeah, maybe we did not handle things right' when it is a bit late, huh?

No wonder I am annoyed. Liars are the worst human beings of the entire race. I loathe lying and liars should never prosper at anything, unless the lying is for a good cause, then you may lie.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> Does it really matter? The pigs treated me in a disrespectful way and AI changed my life forever.


Yes it matters why you pretended to strangle yourself in a prison cell. It's a really messed up thing to do. The only effect it will have is to make your caregivers and the cops much more wary of you and think you are a danger to yourself and others. Why can't you explain that?



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Me complimenting a worker lead to them rigging my rota and quietly dropping people. They would do it with the men too if you started to prefer that guy or guys to others


This makes perfect sense. The company doesn't want a patient to become too attached and attracted to a caregiver. It can cause problems. Especially when the patient is a stalker and has pretended to strangle themselves after being arrested 3x, once for hitting a woman in the street.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> If they had a concern or two about me becoming infatuated or attached, why didn't they cast it up to begin with?


What does "cast it up" mean? If the company observes a patient to be infatuated or attached, it makes sense for them to make the switch of caregiver. What are they supposed to do, according to you? Say "hey Aniseed, you are becoming too attached to Joanne or Sarah, please stop doing that" as if they could trust that you would suddenly shut your feelings off like a light switch simply because they asked? That's just ridiculous. They did their job, to protect their caregivers, whose needs and safety is just as important as yours.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Wouldn't that have been more by the book and even kind of decent of them? Just take Person A off me and say absolutely nothing truthful, why don't you?


They owe you nothing. Certainly not an explanation along the lines of "sorry buddy you're becoming too attached, we're concerned about the safety of your caregiver so we're making the swap". Much better to just make the switch and yes, if pressed, come up with a less "volatile" reason for making the change, even if it's not completely truthful. Why create a confrontation?



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I lost my beloved key worker and do they care?


Oh, they care alright. They care about protecting their caseworkers from convicted felons who hit women in the street and stalk them outside their houses and threaten suicide and pretend to strangle themselves in jail cells after being arrested 3 times. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> No. But when I get out of jail they just say, 'yeah, maybe we did not handle things right' when it is a bit late, huh?


I doubt they're saying that. I would wager a guess that they're probably afraid of you and what you might do next. There's no way they're going to be truthful and try to sit down and reason with you. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I loathe lying and liars should never prosper at anything, unless the lying is for a good cause, then you may lie.


The lying is for a good cause.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Here you try to justify your behavior and downplay your feelings about your female caregivers:



Aniseed Toffee said:


> all I even did in the beginning was just say she was a favourite of mine, over her personality. I never made sexual remarks and I never said she had nice tits, a good arse or a nice figure because I know that is disrespectful in a working relationship


Yet elsewhere, you freely admit that you had an innappropriate crush on your female caregivers.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I had an inappropriate crush on them


That's a big problem. It cannot simply be overlooked by the company because they don't want to hurt your feelings. These are trained professionals. They're doing what they need to do to protect their employees and their patients. They don't owe you an explanation for removing your caregivers. Besides, think about it. How would you react if they said "Aniseed, we're removing your caregivers because you've developed an inappropriate crush on them and you've been stalking them and you have a history of violence against women.

Would you have said "ok thanks for telling me, it's all good". 

I doubt it. They're probably thinking you would react unpredictably. Possibly violently. And they have good reason to think that.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Sometimes, I wonder if 70% of these responses are just posted to egg me on or poke fun at my predicaments. I mean, the fact that people cannot see I had only very good intentions boggles my mind. Is it not obvious? 

Of course they should have told the truth. If you worked at Safeway or something and your boss (your own manager!) told you lies, it's not really that different. Is it? Yes, so in the health sector it might be different than the treatment you receive in a supermarket, but why lie? What does it actually accomplish? Because when he or she finds out and is affected by it, what happens is there could be a dire outburst or something, because they are left hurt. Anybody else would be the same, but as a man who sort of depends on their support, the lying they did was so not right and I did like Sara a lot so taken her away would to me feel like a loss of a relationship. And you are referring to incidents that occurred AFTER they took them off my team. Horrible reactions I went through that escalated because of the impact their loss had on me. So yes, the badgering bit they could have done without, as well as the stalking. But I only wanted an outcome that would be 50/50. Them to be back, but everybody content to push on and draw a line under what had gone on before.

OK. So it is just a job to them. People say that a lot and it makes me feel like the thought of money matters more than the thought of one's mood or mental health being grinded up. Nothing more, nothing less. It's a career to them. But look at me. I don't have a big social circle. I liked their personalities and sure, they are attractive, but you cannot blame me for being fond of them when they were seeing me on a regular basis and seemed to have some sympathy and joyous traits that I grew to crave, even if I overlooked the fact they might have been made to feel uneasy. Besides posting on forums, I do not really interact with new faces. I already explained I have anxiety and probably have tons of other illnesses self-diagnosed as I know the signs. Well, I could get officially diagnosed, but then how do doctors tackle their patients' problems? Yeah. Through pills.

None of this was necessary, as I keep saying. It changed my life.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> I mean, the fact that people cannot see I had only very good intentions boggles my mind. Is it not obvious?


It's obvious that you think your intentions were good. It's also obvious that you have no regard for the feelings of these women who obviously want nothing to do with you since you repeatedly disregard their requests to leave them alone even though you end up in jail- and then blame the "pigs" for putting you there even though they're just following the "ahole judge's" orders to put you there because you BROKE THE LAW.

In fact your intentions were not good. You want what you want, which is to have these women back in your life and make everything "fair" as you see it, or '50/50'. You are thinking of yourself, and your own wants and needs, and your intentions are only good as far as they advance your own personal goals at the expense of everyone else. Of course you aren't advancing your own goals either, look at what you've accomplished. 

You've been jailed 3 times. You no longer have 3 women on your support team who you care deeply for, in fact none of them want anything to do with you. You have no job, no money, and you can't even go into your own flat for another month and you aren't even sure if you can restrain yourself from contacting these women again even though it means you might go back to jail. If you cannot restrain yourself, if you cannot even predict your own behavior, then how can you expect anyone else to do so?



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Of course they should have told the truth. If you worked at Safeway or something and your boss (your own manager!) told you lies, it's not really that different. Is it?


It's different. You don't work for the people who you say lied to you. They aren't your manager or your boss. They are the company, you are the customer. Even though you aren't giving them any money. 

I'm not even sure they lied. They didn't come right out and tell you that the caseworker was removed from your file. Perhaps they were considering their options, and then ultimately decided to make the switch. Perhaps they were concerned that you would "blow up" again, like you've done before, since your behavior cannot be predicted, not even by you! They could reasonably think that when they told you the truth you could react violently. You've threatened to harm yourself, you hit a girl in the street, it naturally follows that you could hit the person who told you Sarah or Joanne will no longer be supporting you. You said it yourself, sometimes lies are ok. I can't think of a better time to lie, then when it avoids a possible physical confrontation with a guy who has poor impulse control and who has been jailed for stalking and hitting a woman in the street. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> but why lie? What does it actually accomplish? Because when he or she finds out and is affected by it, what happens is there could be a dire outburst or something


There could be a dire outburst when the truth is told as well. You really can't blame the poor company guy (Andrew was his name?) for not wanting to be the subject of your dire outburst when he tells you that your caseworkers are history.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I did like Sara a lot so taken her away would to me feel like a loss of a relationship.


Yes, and that's a big problem. No way to know how you'd react. They probably figured, let him gradually realize she's not coming around anymore rather than just ending it abruptly. I bet they discussed this in detail, about the best way to handle it, and they probably came up with just letting you figure it out over time so you could absorb it better rather than it being a sudden shock.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> And you are referring to incidents that occurred AFTER they took them off my team. Horrible reactions I went through that escalated because of the impact their loss had on me.


Ok, my timeline was a big messed up, sorry. Doesn't really matter, it paints a picture of the sort of person you are, and how you react when things don't go your way. Point being, if you were told the truth, you could have reacted in an unpredictable and violent way due to the impact of their loss, no one knows, not even you. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> So yes, the badgering bit they could have done without, as well as the stalking. But I only wanted an outcome that would be 50/50. Them to be back, but everybody content to push on and draw a line under what had gone on before.


You wanted an outcome that you felt was fair to YOU. Poor old you, who lost a few support workers who you had inappropriate feelings for, who wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. There's no such thing as "50/50" when one of the two people wants OUT. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> OK. So it is just a job to them.


Yes, it's just a job to them. You are a customer, or a client, nothing more. They are responsible for you when they're at work, but they have lives of their own. Their personal lives are non of your business. They don't want to share it with you and they don't HAVE to share it with you. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> But look at me. I don't have a big social circle. I liked their personalities and sure, they are attractive, but you cannot blame me for being fond of them when they were seeing me on a regular basis and seemed to have some sympathy and joyous traits that I grew to crave


Blame you for developing feelings for them? No. But stop blaming THEM or the company for taking corrective action to deal with those inappropriate feelings. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> None of this was necessary, as I keep saying. It changed my life.


"It" didn't change your life. YOU changed your life. Your behaviors, your disregard for the feelings of others, your disregard for the police, for the judges, for the laws of your country, your lack of self accountability put you where you are right now.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

When you go to jail however, even just on remand and you are not there as part of a sentence, yet, it is like a miraculous record you once kept untarnished is ruined, and forever. It does not matter if it was 2 months, 2 weeks or just 24 hours you were remanded in a prison for. Being sent to jail and getting out means you've been in jail. It is not a jail sentence you have been slapped with, but it may as well be. Sure, being remanded comes off a sentence, but depending on how long you were locked up for, it can be just as bad as a jail sentence when you get remanded in custody. There are a lot of savage people in jail. They will not care at all if a disabled guy like me has autism. If anything, they would just see a guy like me as an easy target and/or someone to manipulate into doing all their dirty work, and hey - free canteen on the house!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Ok, you now have a record of being in jail. You can't change that. 

But when you think of all the savage people in jail and all the horrible things that happen there, try to remember that when you think about contacting those women again. 

Going back to jail is the last thing you want.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Um, well what about my flat? They said before they had no issues with me living there, but those women won't be doing sleepovers and so my attraction to that pit has worn thin now because I know it lacks that special something now. 

Ruth left back in 2011. I never stalked her either. I actually messaged her recently on Facebook to show her what had been going on at the flat, but they don't reply when they leave because it is not appropriate so she never offered her input on the matter and she never kept in touch much after she left AI. And I've been remanded in jail 2 times, not 3 times.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Your flat is a place to sleep and hang your hat.

It's not something you need to be attracted to or something you have to give up because the women won't be staying there and it's therefore lost it's special meaning.

Besides, what other options do you have? You have no job and no money, makes it rather difficult to rent a place.

Unless you've got friends or relatives you can stay with long term, it looks like you're stuck there for now. Or at least, in December when you can return there if you don't mess up again. 

So move back there when the judge says you can, stop obsessing over your former caseworkers, get yourself a job and some money coming in, and then down the line you can think about moving somewhere better, if you're really that unhappy there. Although it seems to me you still need the support, preferably from male caseworkers who aren't easily intimidated.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Well, I live on housing benefit so my rent is paid for me. Like if I moved before my court hearing, they would therefore have to be notified as it's the law. Moving out and then not telling them could indeed signal a breach of bail. After the court is over, I can move anywhere I want, but that non-harassment order concerning the two women will likely remain so violating that again would make the judge think I have learned nothing from all this. They do not exactly take into account the autism and my beliefs.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> Well, I live on housing benefit so my rent is paid for me.


Good deal. I wish someone would pay my housing expenses for me. As it currently stands I need to work 35 hours per week to pay my bills. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Like if I moved before my court hearing, they would therefore have to be notified as it's the law.


Ok so then it would be a smart move to notify them when and if you change residences. But it's my understanding from your prior posts that you cannot go back to your flat until December? Makes it somewhat difficult to get your stuff..



Aniseed Toffee said:


> that non-harassment order concerning the two women will likely remain so violating that again would make the judge thinks nothing has been learned from all this.


Yes, I would imagine that if you violated the nonharassment order you'd probably end up in jail again, and you'd probably blame the pigs for arresting you and the a-hole judge for putting you back there again. 

So don't do it. Even though you want to 'make things 50/50' because it's just not fair.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

My major concern is how I will try to forget these women exist without it haunting me all my life. I realize they are not part of my life any more but I just keep thinking in my head my life does not feel complete without them. I know it seems crazy to others to throw your life down the toilet over two women that were not even mutual love interests, but being in jail changed my life and to me if they never come back and things were like they were a long time ago (when we all were nice to each other), then my general sense of happiness may forever be decreased. 

Lately, I just haven't been feeling like the Peter of old. In fact, since I left school back in 2002, my very time on this planet has been marred with Internet drama, my ex-girlfriend using me and I forgot to mention a male AI worker emailed me once kidding on he was my ex-girlfriend's man to wind me up. So that company done a lot more than I tend to let leak. They are a messy bunch though, always not being too direct or honest and they need proper training, as opposed to passing some dope college course. It is not right for a man in his 40s to send emails calling himself Bruce when that isn't his actual name. It was rather odd, actually.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> My major concern is how I will try to forget these women exist without it haunting me all my life.


In time you'll get over them. We all go through breakups, and in many or most cases of a breakup one of the two people didn't want it to end. And we're talking about relationships that were months or years long. You developed a crush, or an infatuation with a few women that you weren't really involved with. As quickly as it developed, it will fade, as soon as you let it start to happen. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Lately, I just haven't been feeling like the Peter of old.I forgot to mention a male AI worker emailed me once kidding on he was my ex-girlfriend's man to wind me up. It is not right for a man in his 40s to send emails calling himself Bruce when that isn't his actual name. It was rather odd, actually.


Yeah, people suck sometimes. He was in a position of responsibility and he chose to mess with your head. It was out of line, unprofessional, and irresponsible. If you have a copy of that email perhaps you can report it. If not, with no proof, then you just have to let it go. But realize one bad egg doesn't mean the entire company is to blame, even though they are responsible for the actions of their employees.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

As far as I am aware, you only get your housing benefits paid up to a certain sum if you can prove you have a disability and not every autistic person is a welfare thief as a lot of us folk do get careers and have successful jobs in spite of our condition. Autism may not be classed as a severe disability to some and the law has changed so nobody can be discriminated over their sexuality, race or having a disability any longer and if they do, they can probably proceed to sue them. In fact, we just view ourselves as being a little different. We kind of hate it when professionals give us tagged names, like they really need a name for everything in the medical profession.

Yes, I may not go back to my flat until 19 December so as long as I know I cannot kick off any more. The police have my laptop and I wanted it back before the end of the year. It depends on how quickly the fiscal authorizes its release. I can still get online with a games console, but you may still need a modem. I am not sure, but you can sometimes pay for to use Wi-Fi and I did that before after I chose to cancel my Internet contract. There is a lot of fat trimming I like to do online at the end of a year. It is a compulsion but autism can make people obsess over things like the Internet.

These women will probably depart from the company in a matter of months. It ain't like they stay there forever. I am amazed Joanna has been there since 2011. Sara had once spoke of going to South America, where there are a lot of Latino people like herself. Talking about Latino people makes me think of "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero, who was a wrestler in WWE. He died in 2005 and I thought he was a great guy when he had awesome matches, and he was from El Paso. When I think of Spain, I think of that big fountain near that busy street. Maybe you know the name of the street. It is famous.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> When I think of Spain, I think of that big fountain near that busy street. Maybe you know the name of the street. It is famous.


La Rambla, Barcelona?

I googled it.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

It could be Madrid. There is a street with a roundabout, I think. Hmmm...


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Madrid is a city. Don't know that there's a street by that name.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I recall seeing the street with the fountain in a Jackie Chan movie because some of it was filmed in Spain. It is in one of his old HK classics before he started making his crappy American films in later years. This is the movie where he is selling a sword at an auction he stole from a tribe and he was in a pop group, but there was jealousy going on or something, then this cult from the mountainside kidnaps a girl they both love. He is standing there yelling at this Alan guy. Jackie Chan also nearly died making the movie as he hit his head on a rock when a branch he grabbed suddenly snapped and he plummeted down. 

Spanish women are beautifully pretty. I once saw a photo of Sara when she passed her driving test, but sadly it was on the same day I was driven to jail that first time. I guess I can still cheer her on from afar. Laugh out loud!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> Spanish women are beautifully pretty.


They are. My exwife is hispanic. Looking back on those early days I can understand why I made the worst decision in my entire life. 

Then again, many types of women are beautiful.

You've got your Italian brunettes, your irish blondes, the Asain hotties, and even the African American beauties.. 

Try not to idolize and obsess over those that got away. 

Plenty more out there.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

If your flat is a part of their assisted living homes, yes they can take it from you for misconduct. Its part of their properties and assisted living housing. There are strict rules.

The road to hell is paved by "good intentions" so to speak.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I tried an autism dating site but there were bug issues and little females.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Midgets need relationships too.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I meant the site was still relatively new with some flaws.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Gotchya


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Just to clear up some stuff - I did not assault Joanna or Sara. That day I broke the bottle, I hit another support worker who was with Sara in the street and she made Sara leave. I took that as interfering, plus my mindset at the time was pure anger. 

I really doubt I could carry on my support with that company as they all got some nasty emails and while they never responded, they probably think I was abusive. The reason I never gave up my flat sooner is because I know it would be 100% goodbye and I cannot stand people I care about being extracted from my life. Plus, flats like that are not easy to get into. The attraction nowadays is those female support workers.

I just wanted my life back, with all the support workers I love and miss back in place. It is different if they one day leave and nobody could stop them deciding this, but I live in fear of that because I just wanted to make things right in case I never get the opportunity to show it was all a misunderstanding that could have been talked through. Maybe if I had never confessed to anyone I had feelings for Sara or Joanna, then they may not have known as I would have done my best to ensure my feelings would never shine through and I could have kept them bottled up, as it would have been a smart and professional thing to do instead of blurting out how I felt which was relationship suicide for us. I feel I have a big mouth and who is the one left being the fool when the smoke has cleared? Not those women, the other workers or the man who blabbed, but me!


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> I meant the site was still relatively new with some flaws.


A website with glitches and a small number of registered (female) users is unfortunate.

Vertically challenged women with cóckroaches are definitely a niche market. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

What does that mean?


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I was translating your "website with bugs and little women."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I have asked to meet with the company director. I spoke to him on the phone and explained what had been going on. I told him about my court hearing. Hopefully as well, I can get a happy solution to this crap. The way it should have been settled sooner. 

You have to admit, it is sad. You just want your life back and nobody cares.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> Just to clear up some stuff - I did not assault Joanna or Sara. That day I broke the bottle, I hit another support worker who was with Sara in the street


You didn't assault Joanna or Sara, but you did assault another female support worker who was with Sara after smashing a bottle in uncontrollable rage. Just because you may not have had feelings for that support worker doesn't make it ok.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> my mindset at the time was pure anger.


I think it's obvious that you have strong impulsive feelings of rage that cause you do do violent, unpredictable things like threatening suicide, stalking female support workers and hitting them.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I really doubt I could carry on my support with that company as they all got some nasty emails and while they never responded, they probably think I was abusive.


They'd be right.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Plus, flats like that are not easy to get into. The attraction nowadays is those female support workers.


You really need to get over those female support workers. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I just wanted to make things right in case I never get the opportunity to show it was all a misunderstanding that could have been talked through.


There was NO misunderstanding. It was CLEAR that you were developing inappropriate feelings of attraction for your female support workers and that can only be handled by pulling them off your case. The company cannot simply say "Aniseed you must curb your feelings for these women" because that just will not happen. You have no control over your feelings that's why you lash out in anger, that's why you contact the women on Facebook even with a restraining order against you, that's why you ended up arrested 3x and jailed 2x and that's why you hit a female coworker in the street after smashing a bottle in pure anger. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Maybe if I had never confessed to anyone I had feelings for Sara or Joanna, then they may not have known as I would have done my best to ensure my feelings would never shine through and I could have kept them bottled up, as it would have been a smart and professional thing to do instead of blurting out how I felt which was relationship suicide for us.


Confessing your feelings was not "relationship suicide". There never WAS a relationship, it's all in your head. Those Sarah and Joanne were never interested in a relationship with you, it was just a job for them.

It's a good thing you did confess before you got in any deeper otherwise who knows what would have happened when the company figured it out, which they would have eventually because you can't hide your feelings forever.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I feel I have a big mouth and who is the one left being the fool when the smoke has cleared? Not those women, the other workers or the man who blabbed, but me!


I'm thinking no one is looking at you like you're a fool, rather they're looking at you more like a clear and present danger.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

You still fail to understand that I just miss Joanna and Sara so very much. And I only got Joanna's address because I wanted to send her a letter. But due to my mood, I went all:- 'Ha-ha, I have your address' on her (which was rather scary). If I had at the time sent more letters to moan about the fact she was no longer a part of my support team, so what? That does not constitute stalking, as such. It is not even illegal to look up anybody's address, but I do agree it can be frightening for a person, especially for a woman. Also, sending people unwanted letters or messaging them on Facebook or Twitter for to gain their attention is still harassment, I guess.

After I told Joanna I was going to shoot porn with a model named Jessie Fox, she said she would call the cops so I went into panic mode. And I can admit, I felt a bit demented that night if not frustrated at the time and I was at the end of my rope. I was very agitated. But she later told the cops that I sent her a letter stating I had intended to go "loitering" in her area which I know is BS. Both of them also sent emails to Cathy the boss saying:- 'When Peter held my hand on the bus, it made me uncomfortable' (_insert more examples here_) and I was like 'OK...WTF?' because I was only being nice. Yet no matter how many times I attempted to justify my intentions, everybody I spoke to about them did not care. Nobody cared!

In fact, just several days before I wound up being remanded in jail, Cathy said (translated from my perspective) 'I was not on the pathway to love - I was on the pathway to jail' when I went to her office to see her, but then it actually happened the following Tuesday. That will echo like a long hallway in my brain until the end of my life, so can you see now why I want redemption?

It's funny...

Everybody I consider to be important in my life ends up turning against me.

Mary from 2004...

'Can I help you?' 

She said that on some forums. Within months, she was banning me and rejecting me on a whole multitude of message boards. This went on for quite a long time and it was stressful. 

Laura, my ex-girlfriend from 2005...

'Do you have a girlfriend? Would you like one?'

Proceed quickly to all the pointless lying and milking me for my cash once I met up with her again during 2012. Yes!

Sara the support worker from AI is next...

'I was just going to say that!' she says, to my suggestion about her becoming my key worker in the summer of 2013... 



I got that pleasant reaction one time right after I recommended she become my key worker. Now that appears to have been nothing more than a confidence trick.

I love these people. Yet now all three in the long run would rather I slipped on grease and went flying out a fifth floor window to my demise. Oh, I could post more examples of folk being nice then nasty, then becoming a tiny bit nice again, then later they will go back to nasty then get nastier. But why bother telling anyone this? Seriously!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> But due to my mood, I went all:- 'Ha-ha, I have your address' on her (which was rather scary).


It's more than scary you're basically threatening to go over to her house. You write "due to my mood" as if that excuses what comes afterwards. It doesn't excuse a thing. It points to how messed up you can be and what your potential for violence can be. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> If I had at the time sent more letters to moan about the fact she was no longer a part of my support team, so what? That does not constitute stalking, as such.


It's harassment. Harassment can lead to stalking. Which it did, you were found very near the woman's house after threatening to kill yourself.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> It is not even illegal to look up anybody's address, but I do agree it can be frightening for a person, especially for a woman. Also, sending people unwanted letters or messaging them on Facebook or Twitter for to gain their attention is still harassment, I guess.


You now realize you have scared and harassed these women. 

You're making progress! Not much but some. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> But she later told the cops that I sent her a letter stating I had intended to go "loitering" in her area which I know is BS.


You were arrested_ a few yards from her front door_. Doesn't sound like BS to me.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Both of them also sent emails to Cathy the boss saying:- 'When Peter held my hand on the bus, it made me uncomfortable' (_insert more examples here_) and I was like 'OK...WTF?' because I was only being nice.


You weren't being "nice". You were attracted to her and you crossed the line. You're thinking of yourself. No one wanted to hold hands except for YOU. I can only imagine all the other "examples" of things you did that were out of line, that you think you did because you're "such a nice guy". 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Yet no matter how many times I attempted to justify my intentions, everybody I spoke to about them did not care. Nobody cared!


There is no justification for your actions or your intentions. You are attracted to these women, you want a relationship with them, you have harassed and stalked them, and they want nothing to do with you. Nothing you can say or do will change that fact so get over it.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> In fact, just several days before I wound up being remanded in jail, Cathy said (translated from my perspective) 'I was not on the pathway to love - I was on the pathway to jail' when I went to her office to see her, but then it actually happened the following Tuesday.


Peter she tried to warn you. You were on the wrong path and if you don't change your course, you're going to jail. You kept right at it, and guess what? You went to jail. The girl was trying to do you a favor by telling you what was in store for you and you disregarded that. 

I'll say the same thing she did. If you don't let this go, if you continue to try to contact these women, you will go back to jail.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Everybody I consider to be important in my life ends up turning against me.


That's because you don't realize when you're overstepping your boundaries. You only care about what you want Peter. You want these girls, you will try to get with these girls. They don't want to be with you other than for job-related reasons, but you can't accept that. So you pay the price. You lose their support and you lost your job and you now have a prison record.

And you have no one to blame but the guy who looks back at you in the mirror who says "well I was in a bad mood so I couldn't help it".



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Mary from 2004...
> 
> 'Can I help you?'
> 
> She said that on some forums. Within months, she was banning me and rejecting me on a whole multitude of message boards.


Why do you think she banned you on a whole bunch of message boards when she doesn't ban all the other people on message boards? Don't you think you had something to do with that?

This went on for quite a long time and it was stressful. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Laura, my ex-girlfriend from 2005...
> 
> 'Do you have a girlfriend? Would you like one?'
> 
> Proceed quickly to all the pointless lying and milking me for my cash once I met up with her again during 2012.


Well, she was just after your cash, that's obvious, even you know that. She was never interested in you as a person, she scammed you and she was gone. Learn from it. Don't be so gullible to the next chick who flashes you her boobs in exchange for a PlayStation. But you can't count her as "someone important who turned against you". She was just a scammer.



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Sara the support worker from AI is next...'I was just going to say that!' she says, to my suggestion about her becoming my key worker in the summer of 2013...


She wanted to be your support worker and now she wants nothing to do with you. And you think none of that is your fault? Really?



Aniseed Toffee said:


> I love these people. Yet now all three in the long run would rather I slipped on grease and went flying out a fifth floor window to my demise.


Well yeah, they'd rather you fall out a window then show up on their doorstep and assault them with a broken bottle. They probably lay awake at night wondering when and if you're going to show up unexpectedly. They've probably got the cops on speed dial. For good reason. "I know your address!" Really stupid move right there buddy. As I said, that's nothing less than a thinly veiled threat. 



Aniseed Toffee said:


> Oh, I could post more examples of folk being nice then nasty, then becoming a tiny bit nice again, then later they will go back to nasty then get nastier. But why bother telling anyone this? Seriously!


There is no point in complaining that nobody likes you, because you fail to understand that the common denominator in all these failed friendships is you.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I only had good intentions for wanting them back on my team. I remember all the good shifts we had. They uplifted some rule about owning pets, so in an ideal world, it would have been nice to go with Joanna to buy myself a cat, being that she herself has cats too. I also wanted to educate her on music from New Zealand which I had been doing sometimes on sleepovers, but two other residents started giggling and trying to be ignorant, and unlike myself, at least they could still get one on one time with Joanna.

Sara and I were going to go cycling. Robert could have still been coaching me at snooker. But that is not the case because he had to go grass on me and no-one likes being in the company of a grass. 

I already tried to plead my case to some people on members.lovingyou.com, who were not awfully interested, the postings of which you can find by Google searching for 'strawberry milk' and that link above, plus add in autism.

I won't comment any further, but this is the last thing I am going to say: I never meant them any harm and I only wanted them to depart AI with nothing but good memories. I had a once in a lifetime chance to make good of myself with Sara in helm, yet I feel like I totally screwed things up and now everyone but "Aniseed Toffee" can appreciate her warm nature. But we can just call it a squandered opportunity, much like everything else that has gone wrong in my life, all because I tried to be the big hero.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> But we can just call it a squandered opportunity, much like everything else that has gone wrong in my life, all because I tried to be the big hero.


You are nobody's hero but your own.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Autism is never an excuse for bad behavior or breaking the law. This comes from someone who is a mom of an Aspie kid and a full spectrum ASD kid. I've always told them "you are not the sum of your disability, your disability is your ability"

I'm hearing impaired, I use my eyes as my ears. My lack of hearing is my ability, it has never been a disability for me.

I can read lips and people like hearing people hear them.

My kids with Autism absolutely know right from wrong and can own their words and actions. If kids on the spectrum can do this than a grown man can too.

Own your actions, the only stupid mistake is the one you don't learn from.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Right; I said I would not reply again, but by saying it was relationship suicide, I was not referring to a love relationship but rather the support ending via my confessions and the antics all noted here. OK? 

There were other inaccuracies in the replies. Was anyone left feeling confused dot com over my posts? 

Hopefully this time next month, I will not be on my way back to jail, because if your hearing is early one morning and you are going to jail, you are kept in the holding cells until the meat wagon takes you there, so to speak. But that is usually around the time folk get their dinner.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Not understanding this pm I received from Aniseed Toffee. I tried replying to the pm but received a message that the user is not accepting incoming private messages.

For privacy reasons I will not disclose the text of the pm but I will include the link that was in the pm.

Not sure why he chose to share this with me but it appears that our friend "Peter" has been banned from countless internet forums for being a troll and using sock puppets.

http://api.viglink.com/api/click?fo...ttp://encyclopediadramatica.se/Grace_Saunders

_Grace Saunders aka Peter Anderson, is the root user of thousands of sockpuppet accounts used on multiple forums and sites, including ED. The user is a mentally ill man and attention wh*re from Leith, Scotland who, despite his best efforts, is still not an Internet celebrity. _


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

Why do you think it is called a "private message"? I sent it to you then you link to that vile site and expose my real name. Yeah. Really nice...

I tried posting multiple times on these forums, to justify why I did what I done. And you just tear the posts apart. All of them. You were not in any of these situations. You cannot know what it felt like being the subject of their torture, their ignorance and their wicked ways. You can _think_ I brought it upon myself, but I did no such thing. I only had good intentions in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these cases, whether it was the Internet drama, my ex-partner or the support workers.

At least these guys at Wrong Planet were nice and not flame baiting me (the way 90% of most Internet tough guys, trolls or generally obnoxious people do online).

Post 6281177 - (I've been remanded in jail twice, over my support workers!)

Better times.

thewildwest - YouTube

I said I won't respond again and I will try not to carry this on. But I think some folk are quite insensitive when it comes to knowing what I've been through.

Edit: I hope I am not wasting my time repeating my justifications over and over again, but it looks like maybe I am.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Having good intentions is meaningless when you're disobeying court orders and stalking people. The sooner you realize these people were just doing their jobs and not looking for a relationship, the better off you'll be. 

C


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I know that (which is why I only wanted them back as my support workers to help me and I like them a lot, so we're all winners if we're on the same page). Anything they do once they leave is at their discretion, I suppose, but as long as they were still there, I just wanted them for to help my life feel good. I'm sure it'd be goodbye though forever once they are truly gone from that job. I don't think it's very "professional" to dump a client who needs help just because 'it is just a job' and they happened to have just liked them, as in they just liked their personality. If it got to the stage where it interfered in their role as a helper, that's fine. But I just had them removed and lying is never right. I do pay them, too. I have a bank account their money goes in and I pay them using a Corporate Card.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Aniseed Toffee said:


> Why do you think it is called a "private message"? I send it to you then you link to that vile site and expose my real name? Yeah. Really nice...


I'll remove the link if you prefer (although you added a link yourself which points to even more information).

However it seems like you've already achieved quite a state of notoriety.


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

How? They were all e-hooligans unworthy of the term 'webmaster'. I stand my ground on a whole number of topious issues and that's all there is to it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*Re: Re: I cannot get over losing my support workers. Should I move out of my flat?*



Aniseed Toffee said:


> How? They were all e-hooligans unworthy of the term 'webmaster'. I stand my ground on a whole number of topious issues and that's all there is to it.


You can stand your ground all you like, but if you continue to violate court orders in real life, no matter how good your intentions, you'll be spending more time in jail. And judges will get progressively less tolerant, plus you'll find yourself unable to hire ANYONE as your support worker. The real world is less tolerant than Web forums... 

C


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

PBear said:


> Having good intentions is meaningless when you're disobeying court orders and stalking people. The sooner you realize these people were just doing their jobs and not looking for a relationship, the better off you'll be.


I think I get it. His intentions ARE good and they DO have meaning!

These women, well they WANTED a relationship with Peter. They just didn't KNOW it and it was up to Peter to show these women how happy they will be once they accept his advances and of course his apologies and mood swings and his tendencies to inflict bodily harm on anyone who gets in the way. Once that happens, they'll live happily ever after, and maybe even bring babies with half of his DNA into the world (in between jail terms of course).

Wouldn't that be nice?


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## Aniseed Toffee (Jan 27, 2014)

I've actually put in a request to have this thread locked as it doesn't seem like you have anything helpful to add, lenzi, other than just your "two cents" on what I allegedly done which was not violent, threatening or abusive and what would you know about being stuck in a situation like this anyway? You don't know me personally nor them in real-life. So in order to avoid throwing more off topic smarmy remarks at me, I thought it'd be better to close this. I get the picture now anyway and I don't see how more responses like the one above this post are going to help.


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