# Need to protect myself and kids



## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

Hi everyone...

I have been dealing with my husband's financial irresponsibility for years now. I have kicked him out of the house, gone to marriage counseling, talked till I'm blue in the face, etc. etc. but he doesn't get it and will never get it. Four years ago we were 50,000 in debt. We consolidated and paid a lot of it down. He had a job in real estate that was going nowhere and so I kept begging him to get another job. I worked part time and raised our children, who were young. Then I got a full time job. Meanwhile he had barely any income for a year and we got by on savings. 

He finally secured a good job and we moved. I got a full time job as well, and we are finally able to pay our bills with a little bit left each month, but we are still tight. We are also still 14,000 in debt. He needed to get another car because the car he was driving was on its last leg. I told him he could drive my car bc it was newer and I would get something inexpensive. At first he agreed, but then he decided he wanted to get the car. He had emailed me about a few cars he was looking at in the 14,000 price range and planned to put our tax refund (7000) down on the car to cut down amount financed. 

I knew he was "shopping" for a car but then last week he told me he was taking Friday off as he had unused vacation days. Our kids were off from school so I asked him what they were going to do...and he said "just hang around". I also called him during the day that day and asked him what they were doing and he said "oh just driving around.."

When I was driving home from work he called to tell me he bought a car. It was a good 4-5K more than we had talked about. Since he caught me off guard (this hasn't been the first time) I didn't immediately react, except to ask him how we were going to pay. He assured me he was getting an extra bonus at work, so this car in his words "was going to cost the same". What?

By the time I got home I was totally pissed, because he deliberately hid this from me because he knew I would object. I guess buying the car you want comes first over paying down your debt and taking care of your family. We haven't been talking much. I talked to my therapist and she advised me to protect my finances as much as possible for the sake of me and my kids and if I can after that to worry about the relationship. 

He is a good man otherwise, but the financial BS is driving me crazy. I keep track of all finances, accounts, credit cards etc. and I have now taken our credit cards and locked them up. I also put us on a budget with a plan to pay down the debt in 3 years. 

I would like to seek either an accountant or lawyer and find out what else I need to do to protect myself and my children. If anyone has done this or knows anything about it I would appreciate any advice. 

As for our relationship, obviously I have lost trust in him. I have worked very hard to overcome more stuff that he has done in the past, and I honestly don't know if I can overcome this. I've just been burned too many times and am SO worn out from having to be a watchdog. It is exhausting feeling like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.


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