# Husband refuse go marriage counseling



## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Hi... We been having serious problems in our marriage, but my husband refuse to go marriage counseling with me. Why they refuse to go marriage counseling ? And how can i talk him into going with me ???
thanks,
Nitro


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

They refuse because they don't want to hear that they have flaws. They would rather rug sweep.....pretend the problem doesn't exist, so they are not held accountable for the death of the marriage.

Tell him marriage counseling or you file for divorce.


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## ColemanBooks (Mar 20, 2013)

Agreed. I'm a guy. Draw a line in the sand. You're going to have to force him. Pick the right counselor though, you don't want a basher that will end up being counterproductive.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Makes you see how important you are to him.

Think about that.

Then decide.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Mine flat out refused to consider counseling. He said he would never change. I told him my only option was to move out. Now, a month later, he is acting stricken that I'm moving out. 

I think he actually did me an inadvertent favor. He stopped me from fooling myself about his commitment level or willingness to put effort into the marriage.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

My ex refused to go. He said he didn't have a problem, and if I had a problem then it's on me. 

Turns out....he was right. I had a problem.... the problem was an H who didn't know HOW to care about others. 

I went to marriage counseling without him, which is kind of depressing in itself and it's definitely and eye opener. Cuz then you HAVE to see who refuses to deal with issues at the cost of the whole relationship! 

I went twice. Got what I needed. She told me things that I really already knew but I guess I needed to hear. One thing she said that really helped was, "I bet you feel like he has all the power. You are all frustrated because you want things to improve, but he isn't working with you...so he has the power. Well, it's really just the opposite. Since he refuses to even agree that there are problems, and won't address anything, then YOU have all the power. The ballgame has changed...YOU call the shots on how you want your life to go. YOU have two choices. Either you stay and live like this, or you get your sh*t together and leave the marriage."

At this point my kids were the same ages as yours, plus a 17 year old. I did what the counselor said. I set a mental time frame in my mind for how long I need to make things work one way or another. I tried to figure it out, but I couldn't figure out how to make it financially as a single parent. I couldn't count on him as a husband, so there's no way I'd be able to count on him as an ex. 

Long story short...he left after 6 mos. (of my mental time limit, he didn't know). He acted all concerned about us, and did pay child support for awhile....but it was never consistent and he always made a big deal out of it. He'd call and ask if I need money, and how much did I need. (All of the amount we agreed on, thanks) 

Anyway, it worked out well. The tension was gone from the house the minute he was.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Another thread like this was started recently. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/experi...e-partner-refuses-therapy-what-does-mean.html. My reply there works here as well:



Waking up to life said:


> My H reluctantly went to two MC sessions with me at my bidding...the aftermath after each was awful. After the first one he broke down and act completely devastated and scared that I would leave him if he didn't "do better" even if he really tried, then the next time he got angry and said the therapist was worthless, and he doesn't subscribe to the pop psychology psychobabble about feelings and compromise. Then he said therapy is expensive and if I wanted to drag him somewhere just to make him feel like crap, we can stay home and do that for free. He refuses to go back. He refuses to "let" me go on my own. He refuses to discuss our problems anymore. He believes our problems are a product of my imagination and/or desire to dwell on the negatives and refusal to see the good.


So...you can talk beg, plead, whine, and threaten your spouse into going to MC, but if it's against their will, it's not likely that any good will come of it. Go by yourself if he won't go. Then you can decide if the marital problems you have are either something you can learn to accept, or something you can make a change in by yourself, or if your needs cannot be met in this marriage and you must leave.


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