# Bachelor party/husband dilema



## married with children (Sep 2, 2012)

Need advice badly.

I'm currently pregnant with our 3rd child. This afternoon my husband is getting ready for an out of town bachelor party. He is telling me he's only wearing jeans and a tshirt and doesn't really care what he looks like ... blah, blah, blah. 

After spending forever in the shower (which is rare) I wonder whats up. I figured maybe he was shaving. He steps out and didn't shave his face. I asked what took so long, he said nothing. I asked if he was shaving his chest and he says no. I said then show me and he admits that he did. He shaves his chest about once every 3 months. WHY did he have to do it for this party?

My stomach instantly felt sick. I didn't want to jump to conclusions but didn't want to be nieve (spelling) either. I broke down telling him what I suspected and he apologized and swore that wasn't it. He said he wouldn't go. I had him go bc at that point, I didn't know what to think.

Your thoughts? Did I over react? Would you have thought the same?


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

You didn't over react, if any girls were to be there. He had no business going.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Uh...what is the significance of the shaved chest? Is it a bachelor party thing?
I didn't have anything crazy at mine (like strippers or that) I just sat around and played poker, ate BBQ, and made money off my friends. 

Does he not shave his chest that often?


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Wait, the bachelor party is out of town...
So, is he just going to be gone for a really long time? 
Or is he flying or something?

Something does sound fishy about that...



Now, I don't know everything about your situation, but I knew sometimes my wife wasn't extremely comfortable with me going somewhere (like, people I would assocaite with for work, or something like that) 
But she made sure I knew what was waiting for me the second I walked in the door, because she reminded me of it the second right before I left (if you get my meaning )


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## married with children (Sep 2, 2012)

Juicer, he rarely shaves his chest. Why shave that and not your face?
The party is 2 hrs away but they are staying the night in a hotel and hitting the bars I assume. He didn't really know what the plan was other than that.

I don't feel like he was meeting a girl there or anything but it seems as if he were prepping just in case he did. We've never had trust issues before. I was planning on mentioning something about what would be waiting when he got home tomorrow but this threw me off and upset me. 

He's apologized a few times through text while there tonight and knows he was wrong. I just lost confidence in us.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Ah...
Didn't really know shaving his chest was rare. I tend to so...

Anyway, he has the opportunity to cheat. Will he?
Who knows. I could, but I didn't. 
But I'm not your husband. And you are the only person here who knows him. And you know him better than anyone. So if you were thinking like your husband, and in the situation he is right now, would you cheat?

I understand you feel hurt, and trampelled. If you didn't, I'd be surprised. 
I would suggest maybe having some talks, how about this upsets you, and how he needs to be there for you. 

And sending a few flirty text never hurts. If I had to work late nights, getting a hot text from my wife made it better. 

As for the other little bit...I would suggest still giving him some sex. Not because he deserves it, or it is your duty, but a guy feels loved by having sex, and getting affection. 
Cut that off, and watch him either become a hallow shell, or find it else where. And from what it seems, I don't think he plans on living with out...


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## Lifeisnotsogood2 (Sep 1, 2012)

Chances are he was shaving in case the strippers rubbed his chest. It's not like he would leave you for one of them or even do anything really inappropriate. He probably just wants to make sure he looks good in front of his buddies. 

I know that doesn't make you feel any better about the situation, but I doubt he had any real plans to do anything inappropriate; nonetheless, he should understand your concern and respect your decision.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

It's a shock, at the very least, to think he might have been "planning to get lucky." There is no knowing--for either of you--if he'd go through with it or not. Alcohol would definitely tip the odds against good judgment. I think your statement, "I just lost confidence in us," put it really, really well. 

And, of course, he lied. That, in and of itself, is a pretty big flag.

Time for a marital check up. Consider yourself "lucky" in that you have caught on to the fact he is not as happy/satisfied/mature as he might have seemed, and have caught on before anything actually happened. 

Don't let this fester. Get some professional help, b/c with the kids and a new baby and all, things can only too quickly get worse. Insist on it--he definitely owes you this. And good luck; I hope the two of you can work it out. God bless.

Edit: shaving in case the strippers rubbed his chest? hmm. Do guys actually do that? Honest question. The fact that he didn't offer it as an explanation makes me wonder--although I can imagine that it might feel a bit awkward to admit to your pregnant wife, "Hey, I just shaved in case a stripper rubs against my chest. . ." Yeah, maybe that's why he didn't say it--would that really be any better?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He lied about not shaving it. Why?

Because he did it for a shady reason. End of story.

 Sorry you have that gut feeling. I hate that.


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## married with children (Sep 2, 2012)

Thank you for the honest feedback and advice. Looks like we have some talking to do when he gets home tomorrow...


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I don't agree with bachelor parties or bachelorette parties. They do nothing but cause angst and all sorts of problems. Wise people stay away from them IMO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yuck guys shaving their chests.

guess I'm old school.

hows your sex life? do you refuse him frequently? do you guys keep it exciting? has his dropped recently? seems werid that he would shave his chest for this unless he was hoping for someone to see it!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. I'm a totally shaved guy (everywhere) and always shave my face, even when I'm staying home. If he really wanted to look good for some stripper, wouldn't he have shaved his face, too? 

Us guys are a-holes sometimes and do things that look worse than they are. Maybe he did hope some fake boobed hired hand would touch his freshly shaved chest. Is that te end go the world? 

I knew some guys who did bachelorette parties and the crap that went on there was worse than bachelor parties.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It could be the end of the world for some people. I know if my husband was planning on a stripper rubbing up and down on his body, it would be the end of this world.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> It could be the end of the world for some people. I know if my husband was planning on a stripper rubbing up and down on his body, it would be the end of this world.


:iagree:

If my husband was doing something that he RARELY does (like the OP husband shaving his chest), likely to be "prepping" to be touched/rubbed on by a stripper, I would be livid. And he would be pissed if I was doing something special/rare for a bachelorette party. Fortunately, we've never been placed in those situations.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Maybe nothing inappropriate will go on but he anticipates that it might. Would have been better to take him up on his offer not to go.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Maybe her just did not want you to know he was shaving his chest.There are a lot of worst case scenario on this site so I hope you know this.

The real issues is do you have enough trust in your husband that he will do the right thing.


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

i can understand why you'd be concerned.. but your hubs sounds like a good guy. he offered not to go, and if you were that freaked out by it you should have taken him up on his offer. 

that being said... my hubs does unusal things when he's getting ready to hang out with his friends. he's gotten really into smelling good lately. but it's something he's always talked about.. "man, that guy who just walked passed us smells good.. i wish i smelled good like that" so i started gifting him different colognes (sp). one might suspect it could be to attract women.. but i really think he just wants that reaction of "oooh, that's a good smellin guy".

another example is that my hubs and i go out when we're on vacation, but at home we dont usually go anywhere nice. so he doesnt really "get ready" when he's home with me. i'm the same way. but when he goes out with his friends he puts gel in his hair, which gave me a mild version of what you are feeling. and my hubs did the same move.. offered to stay home with me cuz he didnt mean to make me feel insecure. i told him to go ahead and go.. and he was very sweet and called me a few times while he was out with his buddies. i trust his friends cuz they're all older (40s), married and very religious (musilims). my hubs does a very good job about making sure i'm ok before he does something. 

so maybe your hubs is just making an impression on his friends... my hubs was gone this weekend too on a trip with his friends. them being away messes with your head a little. but i hope you had a decent weekend.. i dunno about you, but i cant WAIT for my boo to come home! i'm going to attack him when he walks thru the door!!!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In my mind shaving the chest in and of itself is meaningless. If he's given you other indications he plans on getting up to no good when you add this in maybe there is something to it. The fact he offered not to go indicates to me he didn't have anything inappropriate planned.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Ok, here's a little personal information about me. I share this just to point out that this kind of thing "could" be nothing. I also shave, but only rarely. Now if I shave down below, that's for sex and I do it all the time. But my chest or my back....well I don't really do that for sex. I do it because on my chest I'm self conscious about grey hairs and on my back it's just gross. Usually when I do it it's because I'm going to be shirtless in front of other people. For example, I shaved before Boy Scout camp this summer because I didn't want to have weird hair when we went swimming. Is there a pool at the hotel?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

The first time I stayed in a hotel with H, he came out all trimmed...I figured it was for MY benefit, obviously...'Oh no' he says...'I always trim myself in hotels so I don't get hair all over the bathroom at home!'...LMAO! I told him, you realize how bad that would look if I weren't here...

...so there's an honest guy thing...

...but a couple of summers ago, staying in a hotel with my GFs, there was a bachelor party going on with wh0res and everything...pretty wild! Ask him!


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. I'm a totally shaved guy (everywhere) and always shave my face, even when I'm staying home. If he really wanted to look good for some stripper, wouldn't he have shaved his face, too?
> 
> Us guys are a-holes sometimes and do things that look worse than they are. Maybe he did hope some fake boobed hired hand would touch his freshly shaved chest. Is that te end go the world?
> 
> I knew some guys who did bachelorette parties and the crap that went on there was worse than bachelor parties.


No I believe the problem was that he lied to her when she asked about his shaved chest.

Nothing about shaving the chest at all.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Does your husband has a history of cheating? If not,I don't think you should worry. If he is going to be around strippers they want his money not him. After you caught him in his lie about shaving his chest he will be on his best behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## leopardprint (Sep 10, 2012)

Is there an underlying problem? Two things stand out to me:

1. You actually noticing him taking longer than usual and questioning him about it.
2. His reaction to lie at first then tell you the truth after.

He offered not to go because of your insecurities. Do you have any reasons to be insecure?


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Just for the record not all Bachelor parties involve women swing around on poles with no clothes or cheating on wives. For mine we went to the bars but sat in a corner by ourselves and then went camping, was actually a really fun time.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I will never understand why anyone, husband or wife, thinks it's OK to leave their spouse at home and go to out of town overnight parties which have the potential to involve members of the opposite sex and alcohol together.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I will never understand why anyone, husband or wife, thinks it's OK to leave their spouse at home and go to out of town overnight parties which have the potential to involve members of the opposite sex and alcohol together.



Overnight ??!!!


no. no no no no. Talk about a baaaaad idea. eegads are you crazy?

Please tell me people dont do this. Sheesh. I must be getting old.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Are you kidding me? They're not only going to these things overnight, sometimes it's a whole weekend. I've got acquaintances who have gone on 4 day cruises for stag/stagettes, and one dude who when to Cuba with his attendants...


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Nobody I know, thats for sure. Certainly not the people I know that have been married for a long time could EVER getawy with that... (and here is the important part) nor would they want to, really.

Why the he11 would you ever want to do anything like that without your wife?

(...shaking head...)


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I don't agree with it myself...All this BS with the 'last night of freedom'. An excuse for (some) people to behave badly.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

I have mixed feelings about it. If I were invited and my wife was ok with it, I would go, have some beers, talk to old friends and have a good time. I'm not into strippers even if there was one. And I hope she'd know she didn't have to worry about any hanky panky because that's not me. 

But if she had a problem with it and wasn't comfortable with me going, I'd respect that too. 

So I think it's just whatever you're comfortable with. If it's going to haunt you, just ask him not to go.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

anotherguy said:


> nor would they want to, really.


Exactly. And you don't have to be a betrayed spouse to have a bad feeling about it.

There really should be some kind of required reading that people have to do before they get married, something along the lines of Not Just Friends, that lays this kind of thing right out on the line in no uncertain terms. And people need to quit taking stuff like this. If your husband wants to go to a weekend stag party in Vegas, your answer should be HELL no.

You really should have taken him up on his offer of not going, OP.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> I don't agree with it myself...All this BS with the 'last night of freedom'. An excuse for (some) people to behave badly.


I find bachelor parties that involve strippers / prostitutes to be very archaic.

These days people are not single the week before the wedding. They typically have been sleeping together but at least have been fully commited in an LTR.

But I would say that bachelorette parties are as bad or worse these days.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Agreed, and just last week, down at the pub, and in comes a group of guys on a double stag party. The waiter told us that the groom had been in a week earlier, drunkenly begging a girl to get a room with him. grrr! can just imagine stag party!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am going to encourage my kids to either forgo the whole stag and stagette thing, or plan something as a couple, with other couples. I agree, it's just an excuse for behaving badly in a lot of cases.


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