# Family.



## Irish1985 (Jan 28, 2011)

This has been getting on my nerves for quite some time. My wifes biggest pet peeve is when I don't spend "enough" time with her family. Now mind you I like my inlaws. I really do. They are fantastic people. Where my issue is, is the fact that my wife has not said a single word to anyone in my family for about 7 months now. She is over seas with the army right now, yet still talks to her family once a week. My family consists of my grandmother and grandfather, my mother, brother and aunt. Thats it....Literally. Thats all thats left. No cousins or anything. 

I understand her not wanting alot to do with my mother. She is a very mean, spiteful, pill popper. I don't think she has formed a full sentence in 10 years without being stoned off pills. She is mean to my wife and disrespectful. So that I understand. However the rest of my family adores my wife and would do anything for her, yet she ignores them. Example. Each individual person in her family got a personalized christmas card. Including her friends. My family did not get a card. She wont reply to thier emails. Nothing. 

I have brought this to her attention many times and have gotten no where. She doesn't even make an excuse. Just ignores it. I have done the man up thing which worked fine while she was home for her 2 week visit. Now though we talk less. Her attitude and tone have become horrid, and when I bring anything up about my family she rolls her eyes, but I have to go out and get her sister a card and flowers for her birthday. 

Yet my wife hasn't wished anyone in my family a happy birthday in a year. Since we got married she just ignored them. I am contemplating not going out today and getting the card and flowers for her sister. May sound mean but what am I supposed to do? My family is hurt. I am hurt. Her parents are furious that she has cut out my family. To them family is everything. To me also. It seems like she just doesn't care anymore.


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## Irish1985 (Jan 28, 2011)

Ok and to clarify something, besides my mother no one in my family has had an ill word to say about my wife. However they are kind of upset that they are being ignored.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

A few things.

First, thanks for her service in uniform. We all appreciate it.

Second, my mother was mean to my wife and I know how it can take a toll. the biggest thing was that my wife felt I didn't support her in these issues and it poisoned her relationship with my family. Are you standing up for her?

Third, one thing I explained to my wife was that I did things for her family not because I liked them (which I did) but because not doing something would place my wife in the middle of having to defend me for not doing something. I told her that I would never make her choose between her family and me because I knew she would choose me but it would create ill feelings.

If you explain it that way, she see it as doing something for you, not for your family.

Finally, my brother is also Army overseas. He has enough time to send an email one every now and then and he copies everyone on it. Could that be an easy solution?


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

Firsr rolling her eyes sounds like she doesnt not even respect you.Bad Bad!

Not connectting and not even talk about your family while her knowing it hurts you explains how much she does not care about your feelings...bad bad!

May be your "man up" thing was not beleavable and you used more words than action and probably raised your voice and complain or whine instead of talk calmly briefly and support your words with action.

If your mom is not acting good towards her but the rest of your family do then she could also concentrate of the rest of your family

Do not send anything nor meet her family nor talk about her family. Let her feel how you feel. Use actions, let their family question so she could feel how bad it is !!!!


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## Irish1985 (Jan 28, 2011)

The man up thing did work very well while she was home for 2 weeks visiting. However now that she is back over there is when the eye rolling and such started taking place again. I feel as if it is an out of sight out of mind deal. She knows at any moment she can roll her eyes and there isn't much I can do from 9000 miles away lol. 

Its not overall just me she has the attitude with. She treats everyone this way. Uses the "Your stupid" tone. Eye rolling and just lack of respect. Its even got her a few talkings to from her superiors. As far as my family goes. When it comes to my mother I do defend my wife. I know the way my mother can be and I shut it down fast. 

I just don't get why she would ignore the rest of my family knowing how it makes me feel and how it makes them feel. Her family has always been more important. Game nights each week along with dinner. We spent all the holidays with them. I.E. 4th of July and such. I even mention my family and she gets a look of disgust on her face.


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

Stop spending time with her family. Since you already told her about her spending time with your family but still she disrespect you and your feelings, then let her know how it feels.

when she want you to go or involve her with her family, calmly tell her that you will not! and the reason is that you feel disrespected and not cared about your feelings by her not considering nor value your family. No more explanation, and do not go untill she start getting involved with your family members.

when she want you to go or involve her with her family, tell her you want to spend time with your family (mention one of your family member). Even if you might not have planned to spend time with one of your family member then do that day.


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## Irish1985 (Jan 28, 2011)

I am going that route. I was supposed to go to her folks house for her sisters birthday yesterday. I didn't, I do feel bad however at the same time it does feel that this is the only way she will learn. She is so stubborn its unbelievable. It always seems like she has to get a swift kick to come back to reality and see what she is doing is wrong.


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

Good job! Keep on being firm and cool, Guarantee will pay off!
Just wait...Actions speaks louder than words, you are the man!


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Sounds like a sh*t test to me


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