# Never had any counseling in my life. Do I seek out individual or marriage?



## stargazer10

We are having issues in our marriage and some of it may be due to problems in my past that I haven't dealt with or problems in "our" past as a couple that haven't been dealt with. 
I've never had any counseling of any kind my entire life but my wife did and she's said it helped her immensely. Should I seek out an individual counselor for one on one or a marriage counselor that deals with us together? I haven't a clue.


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## dormant

I suggest you start with yourself.


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## Cosmos

I agree with Dormant. By dealing with your own issues first, it might be easier to approach the issues in your marriage.


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## rabbislatkin

All of us at one point were wounded though relationships (parent, caregiver, family, etc) and marriage gives us the opportunity to heal ourselves, through our relationship with our spouse. Our spouse is triggering in us the old unmet needs that we experienced in childhood and therefore it's important to work together even to heal individual issues. Does that make sense?

I'll attach a somewhat controversial article I wrote for an organization, and based on the feedback that I received, I know that unfortunately it is true for many. Hope that you find it helpful.
How My Therapist Destroyed My Marriage | The Marriage Restoration Project - Marriage & Therapy Programs, Family & Marriage Counseling


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## Mavash.

I started with MC but within a few sessions realized I needed to focus on my past.

So I agree with everyone else.

Start with you.


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## swade87

I'm scared to take this step (again) myself. My fiance and I need some counseling.. and so do I.. but I've never had good experiences with it in the past. For some reason, I think for my fiance and I personally, it would be better to start off together. That's just us though.


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