# Should I believe him?



## Confused84 (Nov 19, 2011)

Hi! I'm recently new to this site and looking for some advice. My husband left me a little less than a month ago. Since then I have been a mess. I'm hardly eating, quit exercising and can barely get out of bed in the mornings. He finally talked to me a few days after he left and we really laid it all out on the table. Since then we talk everyday and he stays the night a few times a week, but he still says that we need this separation. I can understand that to a point. Neither one of us want things to go back to the way they were, but this loneliness is driving me crazy. I miss him so much it literally hurts. He keeps telling me all the time that things will work out for us. When?!?!? I wish I could have an exact date lol. I guess my question is, how do I get through this? It is clearly not over between us, but it is still so hard when he just comes over for a night then leaves. I have had a chance to really study myself since he left which is great, but the heartbreak is still there. Kinda hard to focus on myself when I'm thinking about him. Thank you ahead of time for any replies


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why did he leave?

I had a similar situation (no cheating involved) and it was a good things for us (although i was like you and miserable like you)...it lasted 3 months. He stayed the night about 3-4 times a week. I was in therapy for myself after the first week.


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## Confused84 (Nov 19, 2011)

He said he just felt like we couldn't talk or be happy anymore. I was going through a depression but since this I have gotten help for it and now I feel terrific! I have also joined an AA group for family members of alcoholics which is where alot of my problems are. Things have been wonderful for us since we have been talking again it's just so hard when he leaves. I feel amazing when I can hold him but when he leaves I feel empty again.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I know that feeling. Keep working on yourself though, and just take it one day at a time. It sounds cliche, but...it's all you can do.


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## Confused84 (Nov 19, 2011)

That is so much easier said then done lol. I am trying to focus on myself I just feel like something is holding me back. All this week I have just wanted to give up on us cause it hurts so bad. I have felt like this for weeks now and I don't know if this pain will ever go away until he's back. I have a hard time lately trying not to cry whenever I talk to him or see him, which is making this so much worse. I can see the good side in all of this but the pain makes it impossible to move forward. I'm thankful that we are talking and seeing each other more it just feels like part of my heart is still missing. I just don't understand why it has to take this long. The longest we have been apart is a weekend lol, so this feels like torture to me. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing to him or doing the wrong thing. I have tried to talk about these feelings before with him but it's so hard to explain them to him. I just wish all of this was over


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm in a seperation right now too. I feel as you do so lonely. We seperated at the end of august and did not talk until the very begining of October. (before then we just emailed about bills and there was a great deal of anger in the emails from him to me)

Now we are talking every day and he talks about resuming our marriage. We have been married 8years and together 11. We have 3 children ages 3-10 who have speacial needs(autism) I have a very hard time doing all this myself.

I have asked my husband a few weeks ago if he wanted to spend the night some time. He said he would think about it and has not talked about it since. I was really hoping for me to not go home alone on thanksgiving night, but thats what happened.

I'm getting more lonely at night as it gets closer and closer to xmas. I don't want to do xmas morning with the kids alone. Its time to put up xmas decorations and I wonder do I only put the kids stockings up this year and leave out my husbands and mine?

I wish my husband would spend the night with me a couple times a month at least. He won't hold my hand when we walk or kiss me hello or goodbye. At the end of a text conversation or phone conversation there is no I love you or I love you too. 

I bet your husband just wants to take things really slow. Mine seems to want to take things even slower.

Really what I want for xmas this year is my husband back by my side.

I know exactly how lonely it is...sicne I'm going through it right now

Best of luck to you


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Couples counseling?

If you two don't know what the problem is, then there is no way that you can fix it alone.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> I'm in a seperation right now too. I feel as you do so lonely. We seperated at the end of august and did not talk until the very begining of October. (before then we just emailed about bills and there was a great deal of anger in the emails from him to me)
> 
> Now we are talking every day and he talks about resuming our marriage. We have been married 8years and together 11. We have 3 children ages 3-10 who have speacial needs(autism) I have a very hard time doing all this myself.
> 
> ...


This is my story too. Husband moved out 3 mths ago and moved back home a month ago, but sleeps in the spare room. No affection, no I love you's, no sex, nothing. I am lonely and hurting. I feel like a single (abandoned) mother with a roomate. I go to bed every night with my dog for company.

It's our anniversary next week and the thought of it makes me cry. What is there to celebrate? Nothing really. I hope he does not plan anything.

We both go to MC and IC every week. I feel like it is fruitless. I get the impression everything I, and the therapist says, is ignored. I have lost all trust in him. Right now I don't know if I could ever be vulnerable to him ever again. I am filled with sadness that my marriage is in the crapper. I truly don't know if it can be saved. He says he needs to "figure it out".


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

brokenbythis said:


> This is my story too. Husband moved out 3 mths ago and moved back home a month ago, but sleeps in the spare room. No affection, no I love you's, no sex, nothing. I am lonely and hurting. I feel like a single (abandoned) mother with a roomate. I go to bed every night with my dog for company.
> 
> It's our anniversary next week and the thought of it makes me cry. What is there to celebrate? Nothing really. I hope he does not plan anything.
> 
> We both go to MC and IC every week. I feel like it is fruitless. I get the impression everything I, and the therapist says, is ignored. I have lost all trust in him. Right now I don't know if I could ever be vulnerable to him ever again. I am filled with sadness that my marriage is in the crapper. I truly don't know if it can be saved. He says he needs to "figure it out".


I was reading about Mid Life Crisis's last night which I believe my WAW is dealing with. It sounds like there is nothing anyone can do but wait for them to figure it out. In my cases I have my doubts that she will figure it out before too much damage is done. But in your case it is moving in the right direction.

Give him space and just look at it like an illness that is healing.

I hope this helps you!


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