# Am I being rediculous?



## foozlemonster (Mar 9, 2011)

I'll try to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for three years. In that three years, we have had two children. Lately we have been working on our sex life, as it fell apart while having the kids. One day blow jobs got brought up. My wife stated that she does not want to do them anymore. She says they always make her think of her past and she feels guilty. She evidently use to do this for a married cop before we got together. At first I was understanding and decided to not ask for them anymore. Now, it eats at me that her past baggage is affecting our current sexual relationship. Thoughts?
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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I'll give you a thought or two. When women start cutting on the sexual quality (stop doing things they did before without problem) it's because they are losing interest in you. They feel they have you hooked, and since you aren't going anywhere they can slack off on the sex and stop putting effort in it. Usually that goes hand in hand with increase body weight and a general letting themselves go. 

You gotta keep her on her toes and make her realize you're not happy with this. Don't threaten or be angry. Just calmly tell her that you like them and that if she chooses to hurt your sex life due to her past baggage (why is this only coming up now? Because she was convincing you to be with her, now after two kids you're strapped in tight) you will have to re-evaluate where you stand in her life and where she stands in yours.

Don't let her wonder about it. SEX matters for men (and women) and so does the quality of sexual acts.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Don't put up with it, coming from a fellow 'bait and switch' victim; 'cept in my case, I'm a woman...very rare to be baited and switched as a woman!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Do you perform oral on her? If so, you need to stop until the two of you work this out!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

How about 69? Is she cutting all oral out for you (even as foreplay) or just doesn't want to give you those BJs where it's just you getting ff for the night?


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## foozlemonster (Mar 9, 2011)

I've hinged at it, but never really talked to her about it directly. I feel like an ass for bringing up her past and telling her to get over it, but from 5 years ago, she needs to let it go. 

Excuse my ignorance, but what is 'bait and switch'?

I do give oral often, and she enjoys it. I may have to try that. She has stopped them all together. Won't even give me a hand job. Won't try anal with me b/c she did it with another guy and didn't like it. I feel like I get the leftovers from all her past relationships. I try to be understanding and not base our relationship on sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Liam (Nov 13, 2009)

It's unfair that her past experiences affect your sexual relationship like this. Actually, it's unfair that she _lets_ them. Telling her to 'get over it', as tempting as it is, just isn't going to work. But maybe if you explain that your relationship is YOUR relationship and the past has no impact on it whatsoever(or at least shouldn't). 

Of course, I am assuming that this issue she has is a genuine one, and this isn't a manipulation thing like some of the other posters have mentioned. Really hope that isn't the case, but from what you have said, it wouldn't surprise me.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

bait and switch is basically,doing sex act BEFORE you were married,THEN acting like they always hated doing them AFTER you were fooloish enough to marry her! all in all used sex to reel you in then shut you down...


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Do not accept her excuses. Granted sex and intimacy does not make a relationship but it nevertheless should still be an important aspect of it. It's bad enough she isnt willing to make love , offers bj's then backs off even that ??? Good luck !!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

So here's what you do regarding the oral. Stop doing it and when she asks why, tell her you thought she said oral was off the table!


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

It's one thing for a spouse to have discovered what they like and don't like from previous sexual experiences. That's normal, and the anal thing may very well fall into that, but oral...come on. I hate to be this brash but she's found a way to give you less, which is pinning this on previous relationships.

I'd take oral off the table because that's not fair, I'd also DEMAND her to go to counseling, because if after 5 years, she's still hung up on these previous relationships, there's issues. If I were in your shoes, I'd have less of an issue with the what (not wanting to give BJs) and more of an issue with the why (because she gave them to a married man before...WTF?!)


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Ask her if she has any idea why that married guy she used to do it for was looking for it from someone other than his wife. Was it perhaps because his wife stopped doing it? So basically she's attempting to put you into the same position her old fling was in.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Just curious... are these BJ's in lieu of intercourse (as in "I'm not in the mood tonight but I'll give you a BJ.) or are you talking as part of foreplay?


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## foozlemonster (Mar 9, 2011)

All of the above... My **** goes in her vagina. That's it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Nope don't put up with this. I call bull**** on this one, after 5 years, no she is making excuses and distancing herself from you.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

foozlemonster said:


> I'll try to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for three years. In that three years, we have had two children. Lately we have been working on our sex life, as it fell apart while having the kids. One day blow jobs got brought up. My wife stated that she does not want to do them anymore. She says they always make her think of her past and she feels guilty. She evidently use to do this for a married cop before we got together. At first I was understanding and decided to not ask for them anymore. Now, it eats at me that her past baggage is affecting our current sexual relationship. Thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then I would say she needs counseling. This is typical "bait and switch" bullchit. She did it to "get you" and now that she's "got you" she thinks she can slack off. Show her that's NOT the case. Show her she can still lose you. It's complicated, but you don't "show her" by getting all pizzy and mopey about it, threatening, etc. You need to build up the attraction and sexual tension in your life. Start improving yourself. Start pulling back just a little (this is not a game...you are unhappy, are you not? So STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE!!!!). Stop settling for less than what she portrayed herself to be when she was trying to net you. That goes for all things in and out of the bedroom. And the same goes for you. If you're not acting in much the same manner as you were when you were trying to get her in your net, then that could be part of the problem. 

Too much security breeds complacency. When you put up with this, you are enabling her complacency. Treat her well, and expect the same in return. If you're not getting the same in return, well.....


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## foozlemonster (Mar 9, 2011)

So here's another aspect of this... Today we were both in a good mood and I told her that I was daydreaming about her. She replied with a smile. I then told her I dreamed of doing her on a table in her classroom. Nothing back. Asked her later jokingly, and she didn't reply. I've joked about her coming to my work and playing around, but she never has a response. My mind automatically goes to: she'll meet a married cop and suck him off multiple times, but she can't even joke around about it with her loving husband...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

And yet you don't call her on it? Say exactly what you said here?


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Fooz, wear a cop uniform and threaten to bully club her with your love pipe. This well tested maneuver will at first scare your wife but it will also turn her on. She will grab your member and start slepping it against her tonsils. You will win back her heart and she will call you daddy. Give it a try and report back.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Why not play superior officer? It's always fun, and it's surprisingly a game that can evolve really with the roleplay, even includes playfighting. Really sharpens the acting skills too, hell I reckon my wife and I should make a porn film. We'd be MUCH BETTER ACTORS then the crap in porn lol


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## foozlemonster (Mar 9, 2011)

Ummm... I'm no psychologist, but I don't see how me dressing up like a cop, which this guy was, is gonna help our relationship, or help her to get over this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

foozlemonster said:


> My mind automatically goes to: she'll meet a married cop and s*ck him off multiple times,


From reading the threads here, and from talking to friends/family...cops sure seem to get a lot of action.

The diff between that cop, and any other badboys she used to do in the past, is that your W had to put out that extra effort to keep them interested in her. You...she now thinks you're hooked for life with the kids in the picture. No need to go beyond the basics to keep you around.

Read the MMSL, and make yourself more attractive to ALL women. Might help.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

There's nothing to get over.The cop excuse was complete and utter horsesh*t.

It's a flimsy excuse to get out of BJ's and instead of standing up and saying "i don't wanna do it anymore" she threw some pathetic story to make you feel sorry enough for her that you don't ask for oral anymore.

There's more going on with her.She's losing interest and has no fear of losing you.


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## foozlemonster (Mar 9, 2011)

Oh I'm sure I could probably walk in the bedroom and tell her to suck my penis or I'll leave her, and she'd do it...with tears rolling down her face. Not what I want. I guess what I need to figure out is how to talk to her about this without demeaning her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

foozlemonster said:


> Oh I'm sure I could probably walk in the bedroom and tell her to suck my penis or I'll leave her, and she'd do it...with tears rolling down her face. Not what I want. I guess what I need to figure out is how to talk to her about this without demeaning her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm, you ALMOST have this right actually. The threat of leaving isn't if she sucks you off or not. The threat of you leaving is if she doesn't start addressing the issues. 

The trick here isn't getting her to do it. It's to get her to WANT to do it. And yes, sometimes you have to threaten to truly wake someone up.

You need to pull up your big boy pants which allow your balls to hang and stand up and say what you want.

"Honey, to put this bluntly, I'm sick of our sex life and I'm sick of your insulting excuses. You've enjoyed giving BJ's in your life, but not now because you think of some other guy. Give me a FLIPPIN break. You need to start thinking of me. I won't cheat on you because you're my wife. But it doesn't mean I'm going to go through the rest of my life with this sex life. Me cheating is not negotiable....you being my wife is. I want you to want to do things with me and frankly I'm starting to become very worried about what's going on inside you that you make up these excuses. We need to figure this out. If you're not attracted to me, TELL ME THAT. I'm a big boy, I can handle it."

After that talk...THEN you make her suck you off (within reason here LOL). She may really need a bad boy for a hubby. Listen to Tim McGraws "Bad Boy/Good Man" song for inspiration LOL.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Wear the cop garb and bang on the front door and when she opens it, grab her and twirl her around and handcuff her. Then place your purple throbbing tool of love into her mouth and say " ya baby I'm your bad boy so do it do it suck it before your husband gets home". This type of role playing is fun and a great way to build a solid bond with your lady. And what is more romantic than that?!? She will beg you to continue...writing this now is making me hot!


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I would question her morals. She was willing to blow a married cop but not her husband. She sounds shady to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

richie33 said:


> I would question her morals. She was willing to blow a married cop but not her husband. She sounds shady to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So, she sucked off a married cop, and you still married her?

Class act.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

He said it was before they met but somehow it affected her that she doesn't want to do it anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## foozlemonster (Mar 9, 2011)

My wife is a good person and very gulliable. I would have married her even if I had known that. We were talking about BJs and she said she just feels guilty for them and then finally brought up that portion of her life. She had known the guy since HS and he actually did get a divorce, but she realized he wasnt the kind of guy she wanted. All your immature responses just make me realize how rediculous I was. We have sex, we enjoy sex, and we have a good relationship. I do appreciate those of you who gave your input.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

That's good the both of you enjoy sex. But she has already placed a limitation on something that happen with her "ex" and carried it over to your relationship. 

Why should she feel guilty from rightfully preforming a sexual act with the man she loves? What other future sexual acts will she also feel guilty about later on down the road?? Your wife is avoiding contact with your genitals besides vaginal intercourse. I guess giving you that is the least she can do.
I think over time it will get old and you will start to build resentment. You need to address this issue and avoiding it will truly be reD$%Kuless.


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