# Want to stop eating out but husband wont



## CMD1978

You can see the back details of this in CWI but what I'm hoping for here is advice on how to reclaim family meals at home and more importantly our health along with it.

We eat out almost every single day. Sometimes on weekends multiple meals a day. H eats out for his work lunches as well. He is always the one who picks the restaurant and while he doesn't choose fast food very often the places he chooses rarely have much in the way of healthy items on the menus. It's costing us $1000+ per month just on dining out (annual income is about $120,000). So of course he then complains about our grocery bills even though the kids and I need breakfasts and bagged lunches for school/work.

But what I'm really worried about is our health. My kids are 12 (twins) and they both weigh more now than I did at 20 - about 110 for my daughter and about 120 for my son). At 165 I'm between 40-50 pounds overweight. At 280 H is probably 70-80 pounds overweight. The kids have school sports but at the elementary level its really not enough to make up for the amount they are eating.

I deliberately tried to track our calorie intake yesterday. Sunday breakfast is always at a local "greasy spoon" diner. Probably more than 1000 calories per meal even for the kids. Sunday afternoon I was going to make lasagna but instead my H ordered out for pizza. 3 full sized pizzas for 4 people and there was nothing left. You'd think they'd be full but they spent the afternoon chowing down on Doritos and beer for him, soda for them. Sunday night we went out to Friendlys. Two appetizers, 4 high calorie meals, the 3 of them all had ice cream. Both of the kids admitted afterward to feeling sick and H yelled at them right in the Friendlys parking lot calling them ungrateful little brats. All 3 of them were asleep by 8 and I'm not surprised. I'm guessing the kids ate between 2000-3000 calories yesterday and H was probably closer to 4000-5000 when you factor in the beer. Even I was probably around 2000.

I'm really worried about my family's health above and beyond my current marital problems. I want us all to start dieting and doing active things together as a family. However I can guarantee my H won't be on board with this and if he won't do it, it will be that much harder to get the kids involved. Why should they give up junk food and restaurants when their father won't? I already know from experience that if I refuse to go out for a meal he'll just go without me/us.

And FYI everyone with the exception of my H thinks I'm a good cook. In his eyes though I'll never be good enough because his mother took gourmet cooking classes and consistently turns out restaurant quality meals.


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## EnjoliWoman

That's a tough one. And I admire the fact that this is about everyone's health. But I wouldn't put the family on a restricted calorie 'diet'. The kids might be overweight but since they are still growing, you can change their intake gradually and as they get taller, it should even out if they switch their diet from one with sugar and fat to something less fatty. 

Stop buying soda and doritos. Why are those things in the house? Why buy THREE PIZZAs??? One is plenty! Have a salad first along with the pizza to fill them up and then put two slices on each plate and be done. No more. Still hungry? There's some fruit for desert. You seriously need to adjust your purchases if those things are even in the house. Do you stock bottles of water? I wash and refill the bottles although the eventually all disappear as they are removed from the house. But it does make it easier to grab something healthier to drink.

Have you tried sitting him down and telling him he's not in good shape and neither are you and the kids need meals with less fat and sodium? Take up a family activity like bike riding on the weekends.

Or have you tried tallying up the cost of those meals out and what it would cost to buy groceries instead? Maybe you put the difference into a new account and use it for an exotic vacation or something your H wants badly as a reward or encouragement.

The fact he can still eat lunch out without impacting any of the family might help him compromise. 

What about making an appointment with his doctor and both of you going? Because unless he's 6'2" and it's all muscle, he's overweight. His doctor might tell him he needs to loose some weight. Do you both exercise?

Can you not tell the kids no desert when you go out? I'm surprised all three had desert. At some point you can simply say, kids you had a huge meal. A desert is unnecessary and wasteful,so NO. When the waiter asks, just say no, we are so full! Thank you, we'll take the check. Or will H just swing past an ice cream place for desert or stop you and say "Well* I* want a desert".

Do they get all of the food groups? Green veggies? Or is it always fried, cheesy and starchy? Restaurant quality meals doesn't always (or even usually) mean healthy. Usually laden in fat and salt to enhance flavors. But you could ask him what some of his favorite meals are that his mother makes and ask her for the recipe. Are the things she cooks healthy? If so, have you considered you and H attending a cooking class for date night?


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## EnjoliWoman

Oh and last thought... kids often like to get one over on parents. Could you enlist their help? Don't make it about them - just say "I'm worried about Daddy's health. I want him to be healthy and his heart to be strong. Can you guys help talk Dad into only eating out once a week? We all eat a lot of stuff that isn't very healthy and I really want us to enjoy long and happy lives!" They will benefit, too, but that way it's not about their weight and health.


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## Hope1964

If I were in that situation, I would just buy the groceries and cook at home and refuse to go out any more. So what if he goes by himself? Let him. As for the kids, well, at 12 years old maybe it's time you sat them down and told them about diabetes, heart disease, obesity, etc and show them some scary stuff that can happen to people who eat like that. Are they interested in cooking? Get them to help you plan the meals and cook them. If they're invested in it they're more likely to eat with you rather than go with their dad. 

When my kids were that age we used to do a country every couple of weeks. Everyone got a turn to pick a country, then we would research their food, decide on dishes we liked, do the groceries for it together, and cook the meal together. It was a big thing - sometimes we would have to scour the city for a scarce ingredient or drive an hour to get it. We usually spent an entire day in the kitchen together cooking everything from scratch. It was a lot of fun!

I totally agree with stopping buying crap. Pop, chips, junk food - just don't buy it. And don't eat it yourself. Set an example. Buy veggie trays for snacks, or nuts, even popcorn is healthier than Doritos.

Cooking meals at home isn't as overwhelming if you meal plan. Start with weekly and do more after a while. Get everyone to do it together. Ask your hubby what he'd like to eat, cook some of the stuff he likes.


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## MarriedDude

Just stop going out to eat. I don't get it...I travel for work VERy frequently. I despise eating out....I try to get rooms with kitchens whenever possible. Eating at home or at least meals you prepare is sooooo much healthier. I mean the portion size at restaurnats alone....hell, each meal is typically enough for 2 grown adults. 

at 80 pounds Overweight your husband is risking his life...the life he needs to take care of his family. 

Kinda looks like neglect when you call a spade a spade. Make a doctors appointment for him and go along. He may need to hear it from someone else. I know my Doc would probably just slap me at 80 pounds overweight (but I've had the same one for like 20 years).

Sounds like you will have to lead on this one...So step up and lead your family to healthy LONG lives


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## Cynthia

Hope1964 said:


> If I were in that situation, I would just buy the groceries and cook at home and refuse to go out any more. So what if he goes by himself? Let him. As for the kids, well, at 12 years old maybe it's time you sat them down and told them about diabetes, heart disease, obesity, etc and show them some scary stuff that can happen to people who eat like that. Are they interested in cooking? Get them to help you plan the meals and cook them. If they're invested in it they're more likely to eat with you rather than go with their dad.
> 
> When my kids were that age we used to do a country every couple of weeks. Everyone got a turn to pick a country, then we would research their food, decide on dishes we liked, do the groceries for it together, and cook the meal together. It was a big thing - sometimes we would have to scour the city for a scarce ingredient or drive an hour to get it. We usually spent an entire day in the kitchen together cooking everything from scratch. It was a lot of fun!
> 
> I totally agree with stopping buying crap. Pop, chips, junk food - just don't buy it. And don't eat it yourself. Set an example. Buy veggie trays for snacks, or nuts, even popcorn is healthier than Doritos.
> 
> Cooking meals at home isn't as overwhelming if you meal plan. Start with weekly and do more after a while. Get everyone to do it together. Ask your hubby what he'd like to eat, cook some of the stuff he likes.


I agree with this, but you don't want to get into a power struggle over the kids with your husband. Once you lay the facts down to them and stop eating out with the family, they will have to choose for themselves what they will do.
Your husband will continue to bring junk into the house and you will not be able to do anything about it. Try not to constantly be on anyone's case about it. That will not make them stop, but it will make things worse in your home.


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## Cynthia

I disagree with anything that involves trying to control or manipulate your husband into doing anything. He has to decide for himself. Making appointments, trying to control his eating or spending, or anything of the sort will only create an adversarial atmosphere in your home. Try not to do that.

Your husband is going to do whatever he wants, no matter how you slice it. The only thing that will make any difference is your action. If you stop attending these meals out and start cooking for yourself and the kids, there is nothing he can do about that. You do your life and you let him do his. And do it with a good attitude, not worrying about what he's doing. Who knows, maybe you'll rub off on him.


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## GuyInColorado

I eat out a lot but I eat HEALTHY! It's all about portions and what you put in your mouth.

Any nice restaurant has healthy options. 6oz steaks, veggies, salmon (my fav!), grilled shrimp, chicken, etc. The only tough one is Mexican, I just get chicken soft tacos. Italian can also be tough, just go with small portions and grilled chicken. Lay off the breads! I love pizza, but I only eat once slice! 

I love Wendy's and McDonalds because I get grilled chicken, chili, or fruit.

I also never drink soda. Never. Only water and unsweetended iced team if I get tired of water. 

I can eat healthier a lot more easier when eating out.

Just takes will power.


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## stephscarlett

if he wants to slowly kill himself, fine. But you have a responsiblity to yourself and those kids. Don't go. Make a decision. The calories and the $$ are not worth it.


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## Herschel

These issues are some of the worst, possibly second to having an affair (and less than money issues), problems a family can have. Not only is your husband a glutton, but he is setting your kids up for a failed life at managing what they eat and how much. You have to put your foot down and tell him that he can go out and eat by himself. If he puts up a fight, get ready to leave him (or at least threaten and possibly follow up). For your kids' sake. This is going to haunt them for the rest of their lives.

There are plenty of ways to cook at home and make it delicious and something similar to what you eat when you go out. What kind of guy doesn't like meat on the grill? Honestly, he is out of control, and while you can never tell any spouse "what to do", seriously this is an important ultimatum. It's like, stop your gambling or I am leaving. Stop your cheating or I'm leaving. Stop your drinking or I'm leaving. Stop your gluttony or I'm leaving.


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## citygirl4344

You don't really have any control over your H. If he chooses to ignore what you say and eat out that's his problem. You do have control over yourself and your kids. Start setting an example. I agree with others..start buying fruit and veggie trays instead of chips. When my kids get chips it's an event..a huge treat.
I'm bad for eating out too but always get a healthier option. Salad, wraps etc. even greasy diners offer that.
It's almost summer start doing activities...soccer, ball. Get them motivated to start being active.
I would also start cooking at home. If H chooses not to eat it fine but start with the kids. 



Sent from my iPhone


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## Satya

Just reading your post about what your family eats makes me a bit ill! At the most calorie-wise, I cook a full English breakfast every other Sunday. SO and I go out on Fridays, but it's either sushi or salad with protein (chicken for him and salmon for me). I've been pescetarian my whole life practically, and SO has diabetes in the family so he's very afraid for his health. Daily lunches are salads or wraps with cheese or yogurt. 

1. Cut the portions drastically. 
2. Break up the meals more frequently. 
3. Get enough protein and fiber. Less carbs. Carbs just make you hungrier later. Cook with olive oil and coconut oil. 
4. Get the kids and hubby engaged in cooking. One meal a week can be a "fun", higher calorie meal. 
5. Family walks and hikes on weekends.
6. Drink plenty of water. 
7. Etc.....! 

This is a bit personal, but you also need to be real about digestive health. If you're pooping once every three days, thats not good.


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## CMD1978

I don't know about the kids. H is not going to change. The times I have defied him (as he sees it) and refused to go out with him, he has gotten furious and gone out by himself. Getting him involved in the cooking would take a miracle - household work is for women only, his parents raised him that way and in his mind that's how it is. And he won't exercise either. He hates being physically active. He doesn't see a problem with his weight. He says at his height (6 foot 5), 280 isn't that big a deal. And it's true that he hides it well. He doesn't look fat, he looks like a wall. Broad rather than round. Kind of like Charles Barkley.

I'm afraid if I stand up to him too much about going out the kids will side with him. They already are starting to see him as the fun parent and me as the strict one because I make them do chores and he tells them they don't have to because all that is my job. When we go out and I try to get them to eat healthier foods, he tells them not to listen to me and to eat whatever they want. With the other problems that are occurring in our marriage, I'm afraid that if we do separate, they will choose him to have primary custody and that would break my heart. I'm the primary caregiver but he's their favorite because he spends lots of money on them. They might realize the truth when they're older but right now it's pretty obvious dad is their hero. If his recent temper tantrums continue that may start to change but not yet.


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## jld

Try to hang in there until the twins turn 18. That way you will not have to pay child support.

Eat healthy, even if you go out to eat. Or decline graciously, but tell them and him to have a good time.

Share your thoughts on healthy eating with the kids when appropriate. If you are fit and trim yourself, they will likely get curious and ask you questions.

Start detaching from that husband. He is going to kill himself with rich food. Better to get used to being without him now.


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## Herschel

Send him a link to this thread so he can see how everyone here thinks he is a gd pos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld

Herschel said:


> Send him a link to this thread so he can see how everyone here thinks he is a gd pos.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He might just get defensive and be even more difficult to deal with. Does that sound accurate, OP?


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## CMD1978

I'm not sure where things are going right now. He informed me this morning that he needed to tell me some things I wasn't going to like hearing. We're going to have this "discussion" tonight after I get to worry all day about what he plans to tell me.


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## Hope1964

CMD1978 said:


> I'm not sure where things are going right now. He informed me this morning that he needed to tell me some things I wasn't going to like hearing. We're going to have this "discussion" tonight after I get to worry all day about what he plans to tell me.


Wow, does he ever have you on a short leash. Holy. If you're lucky, he's going to tell you he has divorce proceedings in the works. It might be wise for you to start writing things down that he does and says to you so that you have it in case of a custody battle.

Did you read anything that people have written here? QUIT WORRYING ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND. You have no control over what he eats or what he does. As for your kids, did you read any of the suggestions already made to get them involved and try to make eating healthy fun for them?????


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## 225985

CMD1978 said:


> Sunday night we went out to Friendlys.


That brings back fond memories from decades ago, having ice cream at Friendly's as a little kid. We did not have much money so that occasional Friendlys was a big treat that the family shared. 

In this case here, the kids get it every week. Spoiled. Plus the meals are so unhealthy.

OP, the habits the kids learn now will keep with them for a lifetime. Be firm and stand your ground. You are the parent. 

Tell everyone, including dear H, that the health and well being of the family is top priority and eating out will now be 2X a week or whatever you decide. Do not let H undermine you. 

Also, there should be a limit. If appetizer, then no dessert or vice versa. Not both. 

Your husband is 100 lbs overweight. Make sure you have life insurance on him. Not kidding here. As someone older I have seen many times the results of obesity on health and you and I know how this will end up if no changes are made.

Good luck.


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## Herschel

jld said:


> He might just get defensive and be even more difficult to deal with. Does that sound accurate, OP?


How could he be more defensive? He seems completely inert. He is a brick wall. I don't know how that is enjoyable to live with and at some point, people need to be made aware and/or face the consequences.


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## jld

Herschel said:


> How could he be more defensive? He seems completely inert. He is a brick wall. I don't know how that is enjoyable to live with and at some point, people need to be made aware and/or face the consequences.


Thing is, the OP might pay a high price for her transparency: losing daily contact with her kids.


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## jld

CMD1978 said:


> I'm not sure where things are going right now. He informed me this morning that he needed to tell me some things I wasn't going to like hearing. We're going to have this "discussion" tonight after I get to worry all day about what he plans to tell me.


Are you financially prepared to weather a divorce?


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## Hope1964

blueinbr said:


> I will ask it. OP, are you enjoying sex with a man 100 lbs overweight?
> 
> I see him weighing 300 lbs within the next year.


That's not the point. The fact he's overweight is just another nail in the guys coffin. The problem here is that he's got this woman so cowed she's terrified to take control, and now she's going to spend all day today freaking out because he told her he has something to tell her that she isn't going to like. The guy has her number in a BIG way and he's just a brutal [email protected] about using it too.


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## Herschel

jld said:


> Thing is, the OP might pay a high price for her transparency: losing daily contact with her kids.


Honestly, this guy she is married to, he doesn't seem like someone who would want the kids 50% of the time. He is lazy and has no regard for anyone but themselves.

But maybe even more importantly, you only have you. Your kids grow up and go away. Your spouse may die, or leave or whatever. You have you. When you close your eyes at night, only you are there. You and your thoughts and happiness.

Is it worth giving up the prime of your life for possibly losing some time with your kids? At a certain age, they lock themselves in their rooms/stay at friends/hate you, so what is it really? Not wanting to be alone? I have my kids more than 60% of the time. It isn't enough for me. They should be living under my roof 100% of the time. It still wouldn't be worth it to go back to the marriage I had.


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## Herschel

Hope1964 said:


> That's not the point. The fact he's overweight is just another nail in the guys coffin. The problem here is that he's got this woman so cowed she's terrified to take control, and now she's going to spend all day today freaking out because he told her he has something to tell her that she isn't going to like. The guy has her number in a BIG way and he's just a brutal [email protected] about using it too.


There has to be a point where you no longer worry about the consequences and make him worry about it. Stand up for yourself, demand a change or GTFO!


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## jld

blueinbr said:


> I will ask it. OP, are you enjoying sex with a man 100 lbs overweight?
> 
> I see him weighing 300 lbs within the next year.


I don't know how you can feel any attraction to him.


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## Cynthia

If you see an attorney, a lot of your fears will be resolved. Your husband sounds like a bully. He's trying (and succeeding) at scaring you. He is not going to get primary custody. Don't believe such rubbish. An attorney will help you see what your rights.
The way that your husband treats you is called abuse. He is using fear to control you. He doesn't want you to leave. He doesn't want full custody. That is a scare tactic.


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## EnjoliWoman

So he undermines your parental authority, thinks kids shouldn't have to do "women's work", complains about what you spend on groceries but not meals out and refuses to be physically active with the family? 

Usually while 12 y/os can say which parent they feel most comfortable with, their health IS an issue and a judge will choose what is BEST FOR THE KIDS. Not what the kids want. 

He is turning them into spoiled gluttons. The longer you wait, the more influence the kids will have on the judge. It's obvious what is best for the kids is to be with a mother who emphasizes healthy meals, home cooking, less processed foods and more activity. 

I'll be interested to see what the big deal is he has you on edge with. What a manipulator. He drops a bomb like that and walks out. That's mean.


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## CMD1978

I don't know if any of you have followed my thread in the CWI forum. I have at least considered that he may be cheating. His over the top controlling behavior has only been going on for the last 8 months of what was a good almost 16 year marriage.

Our sex life has gone from 2-3 times weekly to once or twice a month. He has told me he's just not that interested in sex anymore. He's also had the nerve to use MY weight as an excuse - he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I know that's hypocritical when he's as heavy as he is, but the thing is I've gained significantly more since we married than he has. I was a 100 pound waif when we married. I'm around 165 now. He was about 250 when we married so he hasn't changed nearly as much.


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## Satya

CMD1978 said:


> I'm not sure where things are going right now. He informed me this morning that he needed to tell me some things I wasn't going to like hearing. We're going to have this "discussion" tonight after I get to worry all day about what he plans to tell me.


Best thing is not to get upset, not visibly anyway. 

Just say "kay" and walk away, go about your day. Don't bring it up again until he does, and when he does, just act casual, or like you forgot, because it's no big deal. Stay engaged with your kids. 

Things only hurt you if you let them. The more he sees you hurting or getting upset, the more he will use whatever it is against you.


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## citygirl4344

He's playing his control games.
He knows you will be thinking about this conversation all day
And is probably getting his kicks out of it.
Take away the power. When he says he wants to talk say ok..hear what he has to say and then I'd pull out my list of what has been bothering me and start your talking. Calmly.
If he starts in on you is simply walk away and call a lawyer.



Sent from my iPhone


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## MarriedDude

CMD1978 said:


> I'm not sure where things are going right now. He informed me this morning that he needed to tell me some things I wasn't going to like hearing. We're going to have this "discussion" tonight after I get to worry all day about what he plans to tell me.


Who does this????

His attempted control is very transparent. Don't allow him to do this to you. When it's discussion time...be calm...hear him out...Tell him:

"You have made some very interesting points -I will give them the full attention and thought they deserve and will respond when my thoughts are collected. In the interim...here are MY concerns..."

then spell them out. Just because he wants to have a discussion...doesn't mean he gets to control either the discussion or the outcome. Fight any urge you have to defend yourself...simply listen to him, then he gets to listen to you. 

Be strong. This is your family too.


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## CMD1978

He's not cheating.

He's using. Prescription painkillers, pot, illegal stuff, based on what he told me it's mostly pain pills during the week and then whatever his gaming buddies can come up with on the weekend. HIS MOTHER KNEW THIS WAS HAPPENING!!! What was she thinking? That's apparently the real reason he's been making excuses to go to her house so much - because she's basically enabling this behavior.

He wants to get help. At the same time he's afraid of losing his job. He also recognizes that his behavior has gotten out of control. 

I don't know what to do. After he told me this he packed a bag and left. Told me he needed some time away to figure out what he's going to do next. I don't know what to think. He had a drug problem in his late teens and early 20s but I thought that was long behind us.

What the hell am I supposed to do now? What the hell am I supposed to tell my kids?

I can't believe I didn't see this. I've been a social worker for close to 15 years. I work with a population where there is tons of drug use. How did I so completely fail to see the signs for what they were?


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## Cynthia

CMD1978 said:


> I can't believe I didn't see this. I've been a social worker for close to 15 years. I work with a population where there is tons of drug use. How did I so completely fail to see the signs for what they were?


Because the signs you noticed are also signs of cheating. Besides that, he was lying and hiding things. He did that to keep you unaware. It is not your fault that he deceived you. Now you know the truth.

Time to start doing some research. If you are willing, he could use your support. If you find some information on treatment options, you can also find out what the chances are that he could actually lose his job. I seriously doubt that will happen.


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## CMD1978

I know he's totally over-reacting about losing his job. He's a NYS Union employee - it about takes an act of Congress to get them fired. However he could be put on indefinite leave if the administration finds out about this.

If he listens to me - and I certainly have no faith that he will - his best option is to finish out the semester (it's only 6 more weeks), put in for a sabbatical or an FMLA leave, and go into rehab. I can get him into a rehab facility fairly easily.

My other concern right now is my job. By law I need to report that I have an eyewitness account that one of my husband's friends is dealing. I could lose my job if I don't report. But I need to figure out how I'm going to handle it. DSS workers aren't able to file these kind of reports anonymously so it's almost a given H will end up being involved in the investigation or even subject to criminal charges.


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## Cynthia

I recommend you seek the advice of an attorney immediately.


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## MarriedDude

CMD1978 said:


> He's not cheating.
> 
> He's using. Prescription painkillers, pot, illegal stuff, based on what he told me it's mostly pain pills during the week and then whatever his gaming buddies can come up with on the weekend. HIS MOTHER KNEW THIS WAS HAPPENING!!! What was she thinking? That's apparently the real reason he's been making excuses to go to her house so much - because she's basically enabling this behavior.
> 
> He wants to get help. At the same time he's afraid of losing his job. He also recognizes that his behavior has gotten out of control.
> 
> I don't know what to do. After he told me this he packed a bag and left. Told me he needed some time away to figure out what he's going to do next. I don't know what to think. He had a drug problem in his late teens and early 20s but I thought that was long behind us.
> 
> *What the hell am I supposed to do now? *What the hell am I supposed to tell my kids?
> 
> I can't believe I didn't see this. I've been a social worker for close to 15 years. I work with a population where there is tons of drug use. How did I so completely fail to see the signs for what they were?


That is the important question. What is it that you want to do? Have you thought about that? Not what you think you should do...but what do YOU want


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## CMD1978

I want to get him some help and try to save my marriage if at all possible. If I report this, and potentially get him and his buddies arrested, I don't see much hope for the marriage. But the only way I can legally avoid reporting would be to quit my job tomorrow, effective immediately. Which IMHO would be a very unethical thing to do, unless I were to report the dealer anonymously AFTER quitting. But if I keep working there, don't report, and it comes out that I didn't report, I could be the one looking at criminal charges.


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## Cynthia

CMD1978 said:


> By law I need to report that I have an eyewitness account that one of my husband's friends is dealing.


You don't have to be the eyewitness? 
Is your husband aware of this stipulation in your job?


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## 225985

Did you actually withness drug dealing? I think not. Legally you only have your husband telling you a story. As far as the truth, he might be having an affair and lying about drugs to cover it up. So unless you actually saw drugs you have no proof just a story and so your job should not be at risk

The other poster is right. Seek an attorney's advice.


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## citygirl4344

I would start researching facilities for him...obviously he needs help. 
As for you job you need to talk to a lawyer and get some solid legal advice. 
It's somewhat a grey area from the sounds of it.
You might want to think about some family counseling as well.



Sent from my iPhone


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## Satya

I agree. Talk to an attorney before you do anything. Don't wait too long, though. 

When deliberating legal vs. personal, legal needs to take precedence in this case. You do not want his actions to impact you or the children negatively more than is absolutely necessary.


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## 225985

OP, get on top of your finances. Move most of the money to a secure account that your husband cannot access. (do not cut him off, but secure enough money for the family) Check on any investments. You need to make sure his drug habit does not financially cripple you.

Check for credit cards that you do not know about. Get a copy of yours and his credit reports from www.annualcreditreport.com That is free and this site is the US Federal Governmnent approved site. Look for credit account or loans that you do not recognize. The credit report will also tell you if he was paying the bills. 

Also check his health insurance to see what kind of drug abuse coverage is available to him.


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## Hope1964

OK so, besides what he (a confirmed liar) has told you, how do you know that he's using and not cheating? Seems pretty convenient to me that he's suddenly admitted to this just when your suspicions were piqued, and also when you've obviously gone into crisis mode about the eating out situation and your marriage in general. He has conveniently derailed your original suspicions completely.


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## CMD1978

Boss doesn't think I should continue to discuss this online. Interesting discovery today though is that BIL (husbands brother) pulled the same thing with SIL. Considering H and BIL do everything together I can't say I'm surprised. SIL says she doesn't know where they are but Find my iPhone says H has been on campus (where he works) pretty much since he left here. I'm assuming he's sleeping in his office.

Will update if and when it becomes possible again.


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