# Making excuses about marrying me



## mindy228 (Jul 9, 2013)

Hello,

I chose to post here to get opinions from men and women on the forum. I am in a 10yr relationship and we got engaged in 2008 and moved in together from 2005. we now have 1 child together that is a toddler. 

after the first year of engagement we started talking about a small affordable wedding and I was so excited. Fast forward from 2008 until now we are still not married. I have been so understanding and maybe to much. I know everyone will say that I need to express my feelings to him and I have so many times over the years and told him how important marriage is to me. I always have to bring up the subject. During this period we have:

bought the rings
visit small wedding venues
choose menu
draft up guest list
I bought my dress
know budget and costs

Some how he managed to make excuses after excuses such as
-after the baby is born
-lets save a little more
-lets do court house (which I had no issues with)
-he wants us to buy a home first
-he is busy with work


In December of this year he told his family we are already married and that we eloped *which we did not* he did this when I was not with him so I had no choice but to play along he even started wearing the wedding band. I know this is crazy right?? I figured that after doing this we would run off to the court house and make it official. But nope we are still not married. My father is not speaking to me because of this saying I don't respect him and that is not how to go about things. Just today when I poured my heart out to him and said how hurt I am and if it is because he does not want to marry me he says no that's not the case and the he just been busy. I told him if thinks I deserve this and he says no. 

I don't know what to do here this situation has drained me and I feel depressed. I love him very much and we have a happy life together but I just feel like I am being tricked and he doesn't want to marry me. I feel like such a fool, sometimes love makes you blind I guess. At the same time I don't want to force someone to marry me ( I want him to want to marry me) and I just don't see the enthusiasm on his part.

why would he lie about us being married?

what should I do at this point?? 

what do I tell him??


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

He lied because it was easier than telling the truth. He knows he's wrong and doesn't want to take responsibility for it.

He's already got you living with him and a child.

Why would he get married? He's got little motivation to do so.

This is why I advise women NOT to combine finances, buy assets, or have a baby until marriage if that's what you want.

You're in quite a mess now and your options are few.

Either accept that he doesn't want to make your relationship legal or move on.

You can't make someone want something they don't want.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't support his lie.

For whatever reason he's changed his mind about marriage and doesn't want his family to know.

The question is whether this is a deal breaker for you.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Too busy to get married?? lol

A man that wants to marry will marry and nothing would stop him.

Time to face reality here.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

He doesn't want to marry you. Either make peace with that or move on. Sorry, those are your only options. And don't support his lies, let everyone know the truth. Stop being a victim.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> He doesn't want to marry you. Either make peace with that or move on. Sorry, those are your only options. And don't support his lies, let everyone know the truth. Stop being a victim.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:

You definitely need to tell everyone the truth. Just be honest and tell them you were so embarrassed by the lie that you didn't at first feel comfortable having it known he'd lied about it.

Other than that, you are right, you can't force him to want to marry you, and you shouldn't have to. If he can have children with you and live with you, there is no reason why he can't marry you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Too busy to get married??? Huh???

Sweets, he doesn't want to get married. The sooner you accept that the better.

I'm sorry.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

What country/state do you live in? By the local laws, you might already be in a common-law marriage. That will give you certain rights if you decide you've had enough of this guy.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I have a real bad feeling this man does not want to marry you. Does he treat you and your child well? You should not have gone along with him saying you were married already when you were not. By doing this and his willingness to make this up, I wonder if the man might be a bit manipulative and perhaps you have been made to feel you need to please him for him to stay?

I think you need to first of all figure out if this really is the man you want to be married to. If so it is time to give him an ultimatum.....you set a date for the wedding or you will leave him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

mindy228 said:


> *I am in a 10yr relationship*
> 
> we are still not married. I have been so understanding and maybe to much.* I know everyone will say that I need to express my feelings to him and I have so many times over the years and told him how important marriage is to me*


So essentially you have told him how you feel and how it's important and he hasn't made a move. For ten years. So what are you going to do about it? You cannot force him to. And I wouldn't recommend that either. If he had wanted to get married, he would have done it by now. It seems he doesn't want to get married.

If you feel marriage (getting married) is more important than your relationship with him, then you should dump him. It may work out with someone else and it may not.



mindy228 said:


> why would he lie about us being married?


Only he can answer that question for you. Have you asked him?


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Yes, it's time for an ultimatum, but I agree with the other posters. He does not want to marry you. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

You don't have anything to lose by giving the ultimatum, I'm afraid. He won't ever "want to marry you" of his own free will, but he may change his mind if he sees that you are determined to leave.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Too busy to get married?? lol
> 
> A man that wants to marry will marry and nothing would stop him.
> 
> Time to face reality here.


:iagree:


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

You are already living with him....why should he get married.
He has everything he wants...which you gave him so freely.

So...live in peace with it...or move on.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

So I wonder what has happened in the seven months since this was originally posted?


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