# Would you sleep in a separate bed to get a good night's sleep?



## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

This can be a sensitive issue and I'm thinking of a few posters on here who've had different reasons for being in another bed...

What do you think, is this a harmful route to take? Will your spouse be hurt and if so, is the good night's sleep worth it?

Should your spouse just relax and accept that you physically need sleep? 

Will it harm the kids? Will it harm your sex life? Let me know what you think.


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I think if you had a discussion about the reasons the other was sleeping in another bed, example snoring......then it might be alright.
You could start together then one could move to the spare room
Right now a lot of houses are being built with 2 master suites, it's a new trend........
Or you could plan nights where you visited the other.
I think if the relationship is in a bit of trouble it's not a good idea, the closeness of a couple is important when the rest isn't working.
It's to easy to totally disconnect without that closeness.
I guess another reason would be shift work stuff where one disrupts the others sleep......again as long as visiting time is worked into the plan.....
I always loved snuggling and touching, it helps me fall asleep.
But I've also moved to the spare room to avoid the fog horn sound that came out of my husband at times........


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

im seriously considering taking this route. my H wakes me up at least three times a night with either snoring or hitting me. ill go sleep on the couch sometimes but he'll get upset that im on the couch and try to get me to come back to bed. some nights i get so frustrated that ive gone to a hotel for the night.


----------



## jav1231 (Jan 22, 2010)

My wife moved out of the room as she had upcoming surgery to correct her snoring. She never moved back and now we are separated. Sorry, you move out of the room permanently and we're done.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I have a friend that causally mentioned to her husband that she would probably get a better nights sleep in seperate beds. She didn't know it at the time, but that simple conversation basically ended her marriage.

She really did mean "I'd sleep better in separate beds". He heard something quite different. 

A few months later he started an EA, which turned into a PA, which my friend discovered, separation and divorce. They lost the house and everything in the mess afterwards. They weren't perfect, but I thought they were happy together. He married the OW. Took her 6 years but she remarried eventually as well.

We got a King size bed and a good mattress when we moved into our house a few years back. Even that feels too far away from my wife some nights.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

My H snores like a lawnmower, but we still sleep in the same room. Even in an argument. I usually have him cuddle with me for a few and I try to go to sleep first, so then the snoring doesn't wake me up as much. I have also taken hot showers, lotioned up and washed my hair to make me relax and fall asleep quickly. It helps a lot most nights!!


----------



## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I slept on the couch last night because my husband hogs all the space in the bed and he snores. I couldn't take it.


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

we sleep in seperate parts of the house. i snore, she is a light sleeper and gets up and down alot which disturbs me, so its just easier.


----------



## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

My wife moved to another room to get a better nights sleep once and then it was a couple times a week and then it was you snore to much so she sayed there all the time. Now i am in a different room 8 miles away.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Earplugs and same bed.


----------



## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

I knew a couple that slept in separate bedrooms for something like 25 years. They both have queen-sized beds for "visiting", which they apparently do lots of, but they sleep in separate rooms. Not what I'd like, but it works for them. I never asked why they settled on that arrangement.


----------



## madmike (Jan 22, 2010)

i often sleep in one of my kids rooms or on the couch so my wife can get a good night sleep

it doesn't bother me because i know that she needs sleep as much as i do ... i snore a lot


----------



## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

There is no such thing as sleeping in different beds when you're married! For me at least. I personally feel awkward the 1/2 days every 2-3 years my husband is away for whatever reason and i get to sleep alone. 

Yes, he snores, and he used to turn and hit me too (oddly enough in the period when we didn't get along, now he never bothers me, he actually cuddles me while asleep - no idea why). Instead of moving to a different room, i learned when he snores (when he's face up only) so i gently move my legs around him till he turns to the side or face down and i'll have silence.  I also try to fall asleep before he does. So it's all ok. 

He also used to hate me (even though he only recently mentioned it) when i used to stay up 1-2 hours later then him. He actually loves it that we go together at the same time now. Same with eating together, doing stuff together, talking about stuff that isn't part of bills, kids, responsabilities, having fun together. All these are needed for bonding, and as silly as it may sound, all of em are important. More important than gifts and money. Just my view on things.


----------



## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

I think it just adds physical distance to any emotional distance that is already adding strain to a marriage. That being said, the guest room bed is much more comfortable for me when Im pregnant... its softer. My hips hurt on a harder bed, because of the hormones loosening up those joints. If we get a pregnancy that sticks around longer than 5-7 weeks, I may suggest we use it for the duration of the pregnancy instead of me moving rooms for the entirity of the pregnancy. That is not a time when I want to be in a separate room! I want to feel close to my husband.

My mom knows of others in her age group that sleep in different rooms for a variety of reasons, and it works for them. They have been married though for 30 plus years by that point though. Some dreaded the invention of Viagra... as they thought that chapter was done for them... cant fathom, Im still too young.

Not good for newer marriages I believe. Flentz ear plugs work wonders for snorers... and the advice to gently roll them so the snorer is not on his back. Stay in the same bed or its a step towards separate homes... no matter how many months or years away that might be.


----------



## sonshinesas (Apr 2, 2008)

"I think it just adds physical distance to any emotional distance that is already adding strain to a marriage." Couldn't have said it better. I am the snorer, he the light sleeper. I have been on the couch since December and plan not to return anytime soon. He complained for three years now about me snoring so bad he could hear with earplugs on. Now don't think I am sympathetic but instead of being compassionate and telling me in a nice way or offering to go the doctors he b*tched and talked about choking me, "how he couldn't stand it". I didn't think that was fair so I moved my unhappy ass to the couch. I go for a second sleep test in March and not sure even if I get eventually fixed I will sleep next to him, the hurt is so deep, just the icing on the cake.


----------

