# In laws and husband's attachment to them destroyed my marriage



## Mountains91 (Dec 4, 2017)

My in laws and I never got along. They were horrible to me since before they met me. When he would visit me, his family would constantly give him crap for wanting to spend time with me instead of them. We only spent time together after I got off work (9PM) and my days off. When I finally met them, they were horrible to me. They verbally abused me and humiliated me. He used to stand up for me and put them in their place. He would never allow anyone to disrespect me. 

We started off as a long distance relationship and I eventually left my amazing high paying job and moved to be with him. Things were great until I had our baby and he just had to move all of us closer to them. We eloped shortly before we moved. He promised that he would keep them in line.

His family has ruined every moment of our lives since the baby arrived. They have made several attempts to have my child taken from me and have schemed and meddled enough to make my life a living hell. Yes, I tried to have a good relationship with them. For example, when I made a huge dinner (from scratch) out of nowhere just to be nice, mil opened up the trash can and dumped all the food into the trash can while the rest of them laughed when she did that. They have told me since day one that I'll never be part of the family. 

My husband and I have been growing apart since we made that move. He began to disrespect me and take their side on everything, even though everything they said wasn't even true. I had plenty of proof to back myself up. He wanted to be around his family and not me. The in laws banned me from any family function, so I wasn't allowed to join. They made him hate me. 

My husband has also never met my family, even though they were the only ones to send us wedding gifts, they have sent him gifts every single birthday and christmas, and have made several attempts to meet their new family member.

We seperated three months after we moved. Yep, seperated three months after we got married. We eventually went to marital counseling and decided to work on our marriage. Our therapist suggested us to move away from his family. We picked up and moved again. I know I should've probably went through with a divorce back then, but I didn't want to give up on my marriage so quickly.

Fast forward to present time. We have been married a little over a year. I haven't been happy in this marriage. He picks fights with me on their behalf. He's also trying to move us back out there to be closer to them. 
Today, he told me that I'll never be family and that when it comes to priorities, I'm at the bottom of the barrel. He also declined to go back to marital counseling. I've been asking him to go back to marital counseling since this summer. We stopped wearing our wedding rings and got rid of our wedding photos.

I know that we're probably going to get divorced, but I'm not sure where to even begin. No one in my family ever got divorced, so they can't really help me on this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you live anywhere near your family now?

Do you still have a good job? What percentage of your joint income do you earn?

My suggestion is that the file for divorce now, while you live some distance from his family. That will prevent him from make you have to live near his family.

From what you have said, your husband wrong, very wrong. You have power in this and it's mostly that you have the power to end his and his family's abuse of you by you filing for divorce.


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## Mountains91 (Dec 4, 2017)

I'm a SAHM. We live thousands of miles away from our families. My family lives a mile away from his...


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

This sounds like stories I have heard from a couple friends who are East Indian. They tell me that sometimes the families of men are very possessive.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I think your husband has to be your defender and protector in this instance. He should have put his foot down so that they’re not allowed to treat you this way. Unfortunately I don’t think he has and they been allowed to get away with treating you badly. 

Your husband has to understand that he has his own family now. Family is not his mum, dad and him. It’s you, him and his child. He needs to put you first. Unfortunately unless he understands this I’m sure if things will change. All the best


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What to do? Go to your bank account and take half of it out and put it in a private account. Then use part of that to get a lawyer to start your divorce and keep custody of your child. Put together documentation of everything they have done to you for your lawyer, in case they go after you. Start applying for one of those 'high-paying' jobs you left to be with him. Reach out to your family for financial and emotional support. Tell your friends what's going on so you have someone to talk to. Find a way for him to move out.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Until he grows up stops being a mummies boy and cuts the apron strings, I cant see how you can have any sort of marriage. They are clearly toxic and if they cant treat you better, then he shouldn't have any contact with them at all. 
To be honest if he refuses to stand up for you or change, you may as well leave him. You do not have to put up with this abuse.
Get legal advise, keep a record of all that is said and done, and start planning you move. Do NOT move back to be near them.


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## Mountains91 (Dec 4, 2017)

I talked to an attorney today. Since he won't give me access to the accounts (he has little money deposited into our joint account) I can't just take half. He only deposits $100 at a time, usually biweekly. 
I may be starting a seasonal job soon. It's only for the Christmas season, but it's still something. I can't find a job in my field here. I'm sure I can find one if I move back. Maybe even get my old job back. 
If I leave, I'm going to have to ask my family to fly my son and I out there. When we divorce, the only place I can go is my parents house which is a mile away from his family's house. It's either stay married to him and try to keep him out here or divorce and live with my parents until I can afford my own home. 
I will NOT give him my child unless we have a visitation plan signed by a judge. I don't trust him or his family. You're right. If his family tells him to keep our child from me and drain our account, he will. He did it before and will probably do it again. I had to agree to a bull**** parenting plan in order to see my child again. The court didn't even care that he was a breastfed baby back then.


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## Mountains91 (Dec 4, 2017)

They're hillbilly/hick/*******. Accent and everything. They seem very incestuous. Mil has told me that my husband is sexually attracted to her (saggy down to her hips) breasts because he was difficult to wean from nursing as a 3 month old infant. She has also said that him and his little sister are destined to be together forever.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mountains91 said:


> They're hillbilly/hick/*******. Accent and everything. They seem very incestuous. Mil has told me that my husband is sexually attracted to her (saggy down to her hips) breasts because he was difficult to wean from nursing as a 3 month old infant. She has also said that him and his little sister are destined to be together forever.


 Good grief, is she sane????


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## Mountains91 (Dec 4, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Good grief, is she sane????


She's crazy


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