# Wife refuses to let 18yo daughter work



## Buckimion (May 19, 2011)

My (step) daughter turns 18 the same week as her jr. year of high school lets out in June and desperately wants a job to start earning her own money for things she wants including eventually moving out on her own. My wife absolutely refuses to let her, saying that when school lets it for her senior year that she'll neglect her studies and eventually drop out. School has been a struggle but she only needs 2 classes to graduate and I think she can manage. I think my wife is more afraid that her working would impact my disability benefits. (Some yes) I've held steady jobs since I was 14 and was a police officer until an auto accident and I didn't have severe struggles in school. My wife was a drop out herself but she eventually got a GED. I do think that one of the many reasons daughter wants to get a job is also to stay out of the house more and avoid her mother with whom she bickers with constantly.

I think my wife is wrong and it's high time to let our daughter start growing up. I can't even get her to discuss a real summer-only job. (She will let our daughter work our State Fair under the table for less than min wage for a 2-3 weeks but that's it.) She gets angry and stomps off whenever I try to broach the subject.


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

Have you considered some rules about the job, such as grades must be x and above or else daughter has to quit the job?

Have you asked your wife more long term questions like:

What type relationship does Mom want with daughter 5 years from now?

What type of decision-making ability do you want daughter to have?

How long do you think daughter will continue to live under our roof?

What do you know about daughter's personality and character? Is she responsible? Is she a good student?

Is daughter's desire to work really a bad objective?


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I agree with the above poster

There is also the fact that she is 18. She is a legal adult who can get a job with or without her mothers permission. She can also drop out of school or move out without her mother's permission.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

TNgirl232 said:


> I agree with the above poster
> 
> There is also the fact that she is 18. She is a legal adult who can get a job with or without her mothers permission. She can also drop out of school or move out without her mother's permission.


I agree too, some rules around the parameters of the job is a good idea. I know my daughter has a learning disability, so we too have to be cautious of how much we allow her to take on.


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## Buckimion (May 19, 2011)

While the fact that she'll legally be considered an adult at 18 is a consideration, daughter does share my concern for keeping as much peace in the house as possible and doesn't really want to throw it in her mother's face. Daughter WANTS to graduate so dropping out isn't on the table at this point. I view accepting employment as a commitment, not something to take away like a computer or phone. I said she has had struggles with her studies so that is a concern, but I don't believe in stepping in and demanding she quit a job once she accepts one unless it is known up front that it is only for the summer. My wife won't even discuss letting her get Summer-only employment with anyone that files the appropriate tax records.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Wife won't let her get even a summer job "with anyone that files the appropriate tax records." This isn't about any concern over her education. I don't think your wife has a problem with your daughter working, just with the government knowing that your daughter is working. She's apparently worried about losing disability benefits or some other form of government assistance. Daughter can walk dogs, babysit, landscape, or perform some other jobs for cash. I wonder what happens if she approaches mom with that suggestion?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

VLR said:


> Have you considered some rules about the job, such as grades must be x and above or else daughter has to quit the job?
> 
> Have you asked your wife more long term questions like:
> 
> ...


VLR here is offering a really good means of exploring this issue together. Nice thoughts.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I really think your wife needs to allow your daughter to work. It helps to build character and teach responsibility. Those things compliment what a child learns from books.

My daughters (now 17) and son (now 21) all worked in our store beginning at age 14. It gave all of them a step up in life. One of my daughters also participated in the work-study program this year. She got a nice part-time job in a county office, and her grades have been mostly A's. This was her junior year, so she will be working full time this summer. She will be continuing on with the work-study program this next school year. My other daughter has been envious. She has now asked to do the work-study program this up-coming school year. Both girls are planning to go on to college.

Based on what I've learned about disability, you would probably be okay with your daughter having a part-time job. You may want to give your area social security office a call regarding specifics.


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## Buckimion (May 19, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Wife won't let her get even a summer job "with anyone that files the appropriate tax records." This isn't about any concern over her education. I don't think your wife has a problem with your daughter working, just with the government knowing that your daughter is working. She's apparently worried about losing disability benefits or some other form of government assistance. Daughter can walk dogs, babysit, landscape, or perform some other jobs for cash. I wonder what happens if she approaches mom with that suggestion?


THOSE are on the table. She has babysat in the past and indeed, already has inquires for this year, she just feels it's time to start earning a paycheck what she considers the normal way. The wife won't say it out loud that she is afraid of losing some of my benefits (We would stand to loose about $100-$150 mo utility discounts/subsidy if my daughter worked 30 hours a week), but her every action spells out that is what she is out to prevent.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If that's the problem, you could work out a deal with your daughter. She works a "real" job with reasonable hours. In consideration, she contributes "$100 a month to her parents to help with expenses. I assume that once daughteris out of the house, your disability payments will increase again. Wife's not out a dime and her major objection is nullified. $100 a month to mom is still going to leave daughter with more discretionary bread than she has now.


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

Another good question for your wife: "Is this about what's best for our daughter or is this about what you think is best for us?"


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