# Advise please need help



## Toptier2222 (May 30, 2011)

I found out 2 years ago my husband had an online affair with a girl who HE knew from New York. I knew of this girl as she use to text or ring him from time to time but on friendly basis or so he told me as far as I was aware he told me she was his cousin and he lived out there for approx 3mths before I meet him and they became good friends I never question this as he has alot of family out there. She was even invited to our wedding. but did not attend. We were only married a year and half when I found out. I found out 3 weeks after our first son was born that they were emailing texting and calling each other I found an email address of his that I didnt know existed and I found away of logging in before I logged into it I had this feeling that I would find these emails from this girl I just had a feeling....to my shock and horror I found these emails some were romantic some were rude and dirty and some were everyday things. when I confronted my husband the first thing he did before talking to me was push me away from the computer and delete all the mails so I didnt read them all. when I confronted my husband at first he blamed her and said it was nothing as nothing phyiscally happen and he was very defensive this women was also married to I got her to give me her husband number so I could ring him and tell him about it.....so I did, he told me that she was having a baby about 2 or 3 months pregnant and she was over in Ireland in the Feb visting family. Both my husband and this women both deny they ever met, my husband did tell me he book a hotel down the country for the two of them but she would not meet him the only reason why he told me this was because I demanded to see our credit card statements. According to my husband and this women they started this online thing before xmas and I found out in the May. Myself and my husband tried Counselling when this happen but I didnt find it any good as after 3 session the counscer justed wanted me to move on and I wasnt ready and plus I found out later that my husband wasnt tellng all the truth. 2 years on and the rawness is gone but I still feel in limbo......as my husband finds it hard to talk about it and want to talk about it so it causes agreements some days Im fine and other days I just want to cry. I recently found again by myself that my husband was looking into porn sites and signed up to alot of dating and chat room sites......which he denyed before of doing he also posted very explict photos of himself in these sites.......He denys ever meeting any of these women but I find it all hard to believe. In relation to trust I trust my husband now at present as I have access to his emails etc and I do believe he is sorry and I know he loves me. I dont feel he would do it again but my problem is the past because I feel as if there is something else out there that I dont know about and Im soo scared of putting all my trust AND faith back into this relationship for something else to happen as I told my husband if I find anything else out than thats it I can not take it. I dont know if its me and because of all the lies that I feel he is hiding more or is he? My husband thinks if we dont talk about it and if he doesnt tell me things because he cnt face up to them than it will all go away but Im at breaking point I know in my heart he hasnt been honest about everything in the past since we meet or got married. I always searching to find it out I feel some days Im going mad. If he had of been honest from start everything I know rite now I had to find out myself it did not come from husband and when I confront him about anything he says to I thought we were moving on.........and it always ends in row. So I keep all my feelings to myself as I dont want to row not with my children I have 3 kids now. I want my relationship to work and I know my husband does to but I dont know if he is man enough to face up to his past and what he has done for me and the kids I feel sometimes like I doing it all the sacrfices the forgiveness the pain and he just wants to move on. Your advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated and your opinion on what I should do? I need help for the sake of me and my children


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

You are in desperate straights and will remain so untill you stand up for yourself . Prepare your life to be without him, secure your finances, get healthy , exercise , start going out, teach yourself to live without him. Unless you do this he knows he has nothing to lose because you will cry be hurt and he carries on without consequence. When you are ready give him the ultimatum , he changes or leaves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

First, get yourself an individual counselor. You can't move on until you have resolved the past issues. If your husband is currently signing up on dating sites, it is not innocent. He does not deserve your trust.


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## Toptier2222 (May 30, 2011)

No my H is not on dating sites now as far as I knwo this was I found all this out when I found out the affair but husband did not tell me I found out myself through his email as I have access to this now.

From experience do you think he is being honest with me when he says that he never meet or slept with anyone else?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Toptier2222 said:


> From experience do you think he is being honest with me when he says that he never meet or slept with anyone else?


That's really irrelevant. His activities and e-mails say enough. From my experience, I wouldn't believe anything coming out of a cheater's mouth. What does your gut say?


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## Toptier2222 (May 30, 2011)

I dont know anymore as I dont know anymore it is my gut or all in my head...some things that he has told does not make sense I want to believe him it makes a difference to me if he has meet or slept with anyone else as than he is still lying. I just want advise from someone who has been there and I want to be able to trust and believe him again


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## Toptier2222 (May 30, 2011)

But I believe him now that he is done with it.........


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## Toptier2222 (May 30, 2011)

I need to know the truth weather he slept with someone any advise on how to get the truth please help


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## tierzastarr (Jan 28, 2011)

lie detector test


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

His credit card statement, emails, internet history, and hubby say it all. You don't get charged for a room you didn't use... you don't sign up for dating sites you don't intend to use, you don't rush to delete emails that have nothing damning contained.

Cheating liars will almost always NOT confess to things that cannot be proven, until or unless they have to, or really truly want to. He is neither. He's not facing up to anything he's done, and as long as he knows there are no bad options, he will continue to do what he wants to and simply say he's sorry.

My guess is he's gone deeper underground to where he thinks you cannot detect (additional email address is easy to set up and never show you; cash-paid cellphone easy to get and never tell you), has gone PA in the past and may even be continuing, and there's a LOT he has not told you about.
Perepare to be without him; when you are prepared, do the 180 and make him decide, for real, what he wants... once you've decided if you even want him when you know the truth. 

Confrontation time, 180 time, and truth time.


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## Toptier2222 (May 30, 2011)

thank you


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