# Stuck on the "swing"



## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

Ok, so before my wife an I were married, we were sexually active with each other. We eventually talked of a threesome and eventually had one. Then we had an open and honest talk about what we wanted (one of the things that lead to us getting married) and decided to give swinging a shot. We jumped right in and full swapped in the same room with a couple. After we thought "what just happened". We both agreed to establish some rules about this. One was same room only, no taking the other spouse somewhere. One was Oral only with the other couple. We actually had several, but the more rules we had, the more she seemed to want to break them, especially when drinking. Lately I have been having issues with her keeping secrets from me because I have insecurities and I'm not sure I want to be in this lifestyle. I love fulfilling some fantasies from time to time as does she, but lately it feels like more of a "I got this so now I have to let her do that" and many times it feels like she's pressuring me to do something so she will feel justified in wanting it for herself. She claims she just wants to make me happy but when I told her stopping would make me happy, she said that it would be hard and that she wants to continue. She has also asked if she could do porn as well and I can't seem to get across to her how I don't want her to do this. At one point she even hinted at prostitution without saying she wanted to do it. I know we opened pandora's box. But how can I stabilize my mind and feel more secure? What can I say to her that wont offend her and let her know my insecurities? I don't really want to close pandora's box as much as I want to trust my wife. She has recently "withheld" information from me that makes me think she may have cheated on me, but then I am a bit on the paranoid side. There is so much I could say here... To keep it short, I'll leave it at that.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

If youve set ground rules within the swinging context did she agree these, put these forward or were they from your perspective?

If they were not fully agreed and acceptable both sides she may have it in her head that the rules are your lines of contact and she wants more or even less as far as the involvement is concerned. That may account for her pushing her boundries (i.e. the porn)

You certainly need to sit and talk. You both need to re-establish the lines because (and only from your post) she appears to be pushing for more and you now are closing this down. Therefore you have to deal with that first.

She may now find the whole experience really exciting and is pushing for more adrenaline rush. If that is the case she will seek out opportunities to get her "fix"


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

Yes we set ground rules and both mutually agreed on them. There were concerns from both of us and we both came up with the rules together. 

Part of her "fix" she wants is a size thing. I'm not small, but one fantasy she has mentioned is to be with someone big. Her ex husband was bigger than I am too. (we don't have issues with trying to communicate obviously, but I don't think we understand each other when we talk) 

I love the rush and excitement too, but I feel lately like it comes as a sacrifice and we end up fighting about it, about trust issues, and about me feeling pressured. She says the pressure is all in my head.


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

I forgot to mention how she has struck out on the size issue with just about every couple we have been with which is why we keep finding new couples... It may also be a reason for the porn thing, and it is definitely an insecurity on my part.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So, how do you get your wife to want to turn her back on so etching she wants,mor something she thinks she wants, or something you think she wants....?

There is nothing wrong with saying, "maybe this marks me as insecure, if it does I am secure enough to admit to being insecure about this, but I don't want this swinging life any more." 

We are all allowed to have insecurities and express our concerns. Allowing your boundaries to be crossed so you don't come off as insecure is shooting yourself in the foot.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Seems like an expectation of an open relationship that broke normal rules was established early on.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sounds like you are at a crossroads. Do you continue swinging knowing that you are always going to worry about her wanting more - but you get to sleep with other women too, or do you refuse to do it anymore and insist to your wife that the swinging stops.

If you choose to stop swinging completely, which IMHO is the right approach to take, then you need to give her the ultimatum of choosing you and monogamy or sleeping around and divorce.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

UncertainTimes said:


> Ok, so before my wife an I were married, we were sexually active with each other. We eventually talked of a threesome and eventually had one. Then we had an open and honest talk about what we wanted (one of the things that lead to us getting married) and decided to give swinging a shot. We jumped right in and full swapped in the same room with a couple. After we thought "what just happened". We both agreed to establish some rules about this. One was same room only, no taking the other spouse somewhere. One was Oral only with the other couple. We actually had several, but the more rules we had, the more she seemed to want to break them, especially when drinking. Lately I have been having issues with her keeping secrets from me because I have insecurities and I'm not sure I want to be in this lifestyle. I love fulfilling some fantasies from time to time as does she, but lately it feels like more of a "I got this so now I have to let her do that" and many times it feels like she's pressuring me to do something so she will feel justified in wanting it for herself. She claims she just wants to make me happy but when I told her stopping would make me happy, she said that it would be hard and that she wants to continue. She has also asked if she could do porn as well and I can't seem to get across to her how I don't want her to do this. At one point she even hinted at prostitution without saying she wanted to do it. I know we opened pandora's box. But how can I stabilize my mind and feel more secure? What can I say to her that wont offend her and let her know my insecurities? I don't really want to close pandora's box as much as I want to trust my wife. She has recently "withheld" information from me that makes me think she may have cheated on me, but then I am a bit on the paranoid side. There is so much I could say here... To keep it short, I'll leave it at that.


Pretty difficult to try and enforce "rules" when you adopt a relationship style whose appeal in large part is that it breaks conventional rules. Your genie is out of the bottle.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

you created a monster!

embrace it or set it free! I don't see any middle ground here.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

"I am a bit on the paranoid side." 
"because I have insecurities "
"I'm not sure I want to be in this lifestyle"

So you got into swinging? I dont understand. Tell her you dont what to be in the swing thing anymore you have had a change of heart. If she ends up going on without you and does it anyway it sounds like you made another bad choice too. 

Sorry to be blunt but I think you already know what you should do.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Someone with insecure issues should have never tried this lifestyle to begin with.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Philat said:


> Pretty difficult to try and enforce "rules" when you adopt a relationship style whose appeal in large part is that it breaks conventional rules. Your genie is out of the bottle.



Agreed. I would imagine that rules are difficult to enforce; once you cross the boundary of a monogamous marriage where will it end? Don't fall in love? Well that can happen when you pour energy into a third party. Oral is ok but no penetration? Really? You think that's going to work once you get hot and heavy? I don't know how you're going to enforce boundaries here while continuing to swing. I.don't think you dictate exactly what happens and what doesn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

We got involved with swinging before we were married. The insecurities started when she would agree to rules and break them. Which when we talked about it and sorted it out was fine, however now I feel like she is pressuring me to get what she wants, and unfortunately she has developed this friendship with a pornstar/prostitute. I'm insecure because I feel like I can't trust her now. Especially around this other person who has already tried to "play" with us. I said no before we even met up, but my wife kept throwing me under the bus saying she's cool with it to be with her and her large black male friend meaning I have to say no to their face. She knows I hate conflict and am not much of an alpha so she does this to get her way because I usually cave. I refused to this time and held my ground and of course she got mad. I already told her I don't want to do it anymore, but she said she still wants to. I don't know how to handle this because I believe she will keep pressuring me.


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## SanDiegoRacer313 (Oct 26, 2012)

UncertainTimes said:


> We got involved with swinging before we were married. The insecurities started when she would agree to rules and break them. Which when we talked about it and sorted it out was fine, however now I feel like she is pressuring me to get what she wants, and unfortunately she has developed this friendship with a pornstar/prostitute. I'm insecure because I feel like I can't trust her now. Especially around this other person who has already tried to "play" with us. I said no before we even met up, but my wife kept throwing me under the bus saying she's cool with it to be with her and her large black male friend meaning I have to say no to their face. She knows I hate conflict and am not much of an alpha so she does this to get her way because I usually cave. I refused to this time and held my ground and of course she got mad. I already told her I don't want to do it anymore, but she said she still wants to. I don't know how to handle this because I believe she will keep pressuring me.



Man, I don't know. I think you have to weigh what you want and then decide if you can do it anymore. So if she doesn't want to quit and you do, then you have to move on. It's never going to work if you aren't on the same page and want the same things. I don't think wanting your wife to yourself is an insecurity thing. Let me ask you this, who was the one that wanted to swing in the first place? I know you will say you both did but who wanted it the most and pushed for it the hardest?


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Agreed. I would imagine that rules are difficult to enforce; once you cross the boundary of a monogamous marriage where will it end? Don't fall in love? Well that can happen when you pour energy into a third party. Oral is ok but no penetration? Really? You think that's going to work once you get hot and heavy? I don't know how you're going to enforce boundaries here while continuing to swing. I.don't think you dictate exactly what happens and what doesn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually you obviously don't know much about swinging. Any yes these rules are very easy to follow because the other couples agree to them and have them too. The don't fall in love is comical because in swinging there is a distinct separation between emotional sex and physical. In my world as a swinger, she loves and appreciates me for who I am and for allowing her to expand her horizons. I love her for the same reasons. Boundaries are extremely highly expected at in this world. It's a play by the rules or don't play world.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> you created a monster!
> 
> embrace it or set it free! I don't see any middle ground here.


:iagree: That's how I see it. Swinging's not for you. Yeah, it's appealing to you in a lot of ways, but the negatives are outweighing the positives. They say swinging only works for a very small percentage of couples and you're not one of them.

Tell your wife you don't want to participate any more and if she does then you need to dissolve the marriage. No middle ground.


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

SanDiegoRacer313 said:


> Let me ask you this, who was the one that wanted to swing in the first place? I know you will say you both did but who wanted it the most and pushed for it the hardest?


That's a really gray area. Not really sure. I pushed for the threesome once she brought up that she was open to it. Then we found the swing website and started talking to other couples. At first I was on more, but the more couples with a smaller man, the more she felt like she's getting the short end of the stick... literally. lol sorry I couldn't resist the puns anymore. Anyway, it's kinda become her mission to find someone big to be with. With her porn/prostitute friend, it seems to have gotten worse.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

UncertainTimes said:


> We got involved with swinging before we were married. The insecurities started when she would agree to rules and break them. Which when we talked about it and sorted it out was fine, however now I feel like she is pressuring me to get what she wants ... I already told her I don't want to do it anymore, but she said she still wants to. I don't know how to handle this because I believe she will keep pressuring me.


She showed she was untrustworthy even before marriage, and that pattern has continued in marriage. I don't think you can resolve this and continue swinging - it's time for an ultimatum. You both need to stop and she has to agree to focus on the marriage, or you need to split up.

Most of the couples I know who are swingers have made and abided by their agreements and boundaries. They renegotiate those boundaries based on their experiences and the evolution of their desires. This is not happening in your case. Despite not liking conflict, you are going to have to address the situation firmly and deal with it, or you'll find a new role - as cuckold.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

UncertainTimes said:


> Anyway, it's kinda become her mission to find someone big to be with.


That probably explains her interest in doing porn. Those porn-guys have some big tools.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

UncertainTimes said:


> We got involved with swinging before we were married. The insecurities started when she would agree to rules and break them. Which when we talked about it and sorted it out was fine, however now I feel like she is pressuring me to get what she wants, and unfortunately she has developed this friendship with a pornstar/prostitute. I'm insecure because I feel like I can't trust her now. Especially around this other person who has already tried to "play" with us. I said no before we even met up, but my wife kept throwing me under the bus saying she's cool with it to be with her and her large black male friend meaning I have to say no to their face. *She knows I hate conflict and am not much of an alpha so she does this to get her way because I usually cave. I refused to this time and held my ground and of course she got mad. *I already told her I don't want to do it anymore, but she said she still wants to. I don't know how to handle this because I believe she will keep pressuring me.


You've already solved your problem by enforcing your boundaries. So what she got mad? 

You handle the continued pressure the same way. You say no. You follow that up with the consequences you will enforce should she decide to break your boundaries.

Are you willing to divorce your wife is she doesn't accept your boundaries?


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

Cubby said:


> :iagree: That's how I see it. Swinging's not for you. Yeah, it's appealing to you in a lot of ways, but the negatives are outweighing the positives. They say swinging only works for a very small percentage of couples and you're not one of them.
> 
> Tell your wife you don't want to participate any more and if she does then you need to dissolve the marriage. No middle ground.


I don't think I could handle another divorce... I was suicidal last time...


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> She showed she was untrustworthy even before marriage, and that pattern has continued in marriage. I don't think you can resolve this and continue swinging - it's time for an ultimatum. You both need to stop and she has to agree to focus on the marriage, or you need to split up.
> 
> Most of the couples I know who are swingers have made and abided by their agreements and boundaries. They renegotiate those boundaries based on their experiences and the evolution of their desires. This is not happening in your case. Despite not liking conflict, you are going to have to address the situation firmly and deal with it, or you'll find a new role - as cuckold.


This is what I didn't want to hear, but it's what I've been thinking this whole time. So conflict it is...


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## UncertainTimes (Dec 13, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> You've already solved your problem by enforcing your boundaries. So what she got mad?
> 
> You handle the continued pressure the same way. You say no. You follow that up with the consequences you will enforce should she decide to break your boundaries.
> 
> Are you willing to divorce your wife is she doesn't accept your boundaries?


I would want another consequence besides divorce but I guess there really isn't one... I can't control her... I can only control myself. Ugh this sucks. So many men would consider this the perfect life... Sex often and fun, threesomes foursomes moresomes. All I want is my wife to love, cherish, and desire me. She does, but she desires more than me and thats hard.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Maybe you two could do that married couple sex site thing. Maybe that would give her an alternate way channel her energy.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

UncertainTimes said:


> Actually you obviously don't know much about swinging. Any yes these rules are very easy to follow because the other couples agree to them and have them too. The don't fall in love is comical because in swinging there is a distinct separation between emotional sex and physical. In my world as a swinger, she loves and appreciates me for who I am and for allowing her to expand her horizons. I love her for the same reasons. Boundaries are extremely highly expected at in this world. It's a play by the rules or don't play world.


Maybe, but but it's comical to me that you would assume everyone is capable of abiding by these rules. Clearly your wife isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

usmarriedguy said:


> Maybe you two could do that married couple sex site thing. Maybe that would give her an alternate way channel her energy.


I do not recall seeing how old you and your wife are, but at some point are or were you 2 thinking of kids? Maybe you can approach this from the stand point the swinging life was great and fun but now you wish to settle down and have a family.

The big issue you have and have mentioned more than once is "trust" without that your relationship will continue to dissolve. You have to be able to have full trust in a marriage, let alone in a marriage that involves swinging.

I hate to be blunt but she had a husband who had a bigger size penis than you. This is a ego issue for any man. Now she wants a man with one as big or bigger. Once she finds this guy your trust level will get even worse if you think about it. Size does matter to your wife. 

I think you and your wife have to have a very sincere heart to heart talk and lay everything out on the table. Size issues, swinging, security which is related to trust. Something when she broke your trust triggered your insecurities. That is not a good sign, you have a gut feeling something is not right. 

Get it out and on the table to deal with it or it will just be a slow death to your relationship, ending later than sooner with a lot of baggage. Sorry but this is not looking good. With no trust, there can be no love.


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## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

Happyquest said:


> "I am a bit on the paranoid side."
> "because I have insecurities "
> "I'm not sure I want to be in this lifestyle"
> 
> ...


Stupid lifestyle anyway...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

UncertainTimes said:


> I would want another consequence besides divorce but I guess there really isn't one... I can't control her... I can only control myself. Ugh this sucks. So many men would consider this the perfect life... Sex often and fun, threesomes foursomes moresomes. All I want is my wife to love, cherish, and desire me. She does, but she desires more than me and thats hard.


No I don't think many men would consider your marriage a perfect life.

You are, however, a perfect example of what happens when we get what we want when we haven't actually put thought into what it is we actually do want.

There are consequences to everything we do in life. You are the perfect example of why men should think long and hard (there's that pun again) before they open a relationship to others. Once the bell has rung, it cannot be unrung.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> No I don't think many men would consider your marriage a perfect life.
> 
> You are, however, a perfect example of what happens when we get what we want when we haven't actually put thought into what it is we actually do want.
> 
> There are consequences to everything we do in life. You are the perfect example of why men should think long and hard (there's that pun again) before they open a relationship to others. Once the bell has rung, it cannot be unrung.


Problem is that when most men say "open marriage" what they mean is "open for me" not both. The OP was only thinking of all of the sex he was going to get with the threesome. Now the wife has become out of control and wants more than him it is a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

techmom said:


> Problem is that when most men say "open marriage" what they mean is "open for me" not both. The OP was only thinking of all of the sex he was going to get with the threesome. Now the wife has become out of control and wants more than him it is a problem.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I read somewhere that most open marriages are suggested by men but the wives end up with a lot more action because let's face it, its easier for women to find sex. Then of course they don't like it that their wife gets so much more; the real intent was not to have an open marriage, it was to cheat with permission. Don't ask for the source of this because I can't remember.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Its seems like the boundries set up by both of you have a one sided flexibility. Its isnt your side.

If your W wants a man with size then she will continue to seek out someone until she finds the right person. The fact that she has contacts in the porn industry seems to be a massive adrenaline surge for her. We know, of course that many of these guys are employed because of their statistics. Whilst it seems a like energy drive for her at this time once shes fed that appitite Ive a feeling she will need to try something else that releases more of the pleasure endorphins. Its seems like a drug kick at the moment the more exciting the more she wants it.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Pault said:


> Its seems like the boundries set up by both of you have a one sided flexibility. Its isnt your side.
> 
> If your W wants a man with size then she will continue to seek out someone until she finds the right person. The fact that she has contacts in the porn industry seems to be a massive adrenaline surge for her. We know, of course that many of these guys are employed because of their statistics. Whilst it seems a like energy drive for her at this time once shes fed that appitite Ive a feeling she will need to try something else that releases more of the pleasure endorphins. Its seems like a drug kick at the moment the more exciting the more she wants it.


This is spot on. You thought you got into this for one reason but have since realized your W isn't as interested in different men, as she is on a search for a huge co**. Porn industry is obviously a buffet of very large co**. So she wants that now. It won't stop man. You thought you could be in this with her as your partner but your gut feelings are not lying to you. Sh eis pressuring you, she is not satisfied with your size, she is trying to get you pimped out so she can do what and who she wants, she has ignored boundaries in the past b/c she is in this for her not for you. 
You need some counseling for you to gain some strength and not be so weak about the possibility of divorce. You need to be strong enough as a man to demand certain things and your W not being in porn is not much to ask IMO.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

"Stuck on the Swing"

Each time I see this thread title I think of my sex swing and think how terribly humiliating it would be to get stuck while on it, unable to extricate myself. 

Note to self, do not get on sex swing as a surprise to H...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> No I don't think many men would consider your marriage a perfect life.
> 
> You are, however, a perfect example of what happens when we get what we want when we haven't actually put thought into what it is we actually do want.
> 
> There are consequences to everything we do in life. You are the perfect example of why men should think long and hard (there's that pun again) before they open a relationship to others. *Once the bell has rung, it cannot be unrung*.


You are very correct that any decision to open a relationship needs a lot of hard thinking and a great deal of discussion. Rules need to be agreed upon and followed, and either party needs the ability to end the arrangement or veto a particular person for any reason. If this is done, the bell CAN be unrung in a sense, by returning to the prior status. 

However, there are always potential problems, particularly if the agreements are not kept. We have an open relationship. We are also poly, which is not the same thing, but related. We also feel that relationships evolve and grow, and while they can grow apart and even fail because of the poly or open scenario, and that can be painful for the person left behind, we thnk it is better to pursue and create our own happiness rather than rely on another to sustain it.



> (lifeistooshort) I read somewhere that most open marriages are suggested by men but the wives end up with a lot more action because let's face it, its easier for women to find sex. Then of course they don't like it that their wife gets so much more; the real intent was not to have an open marriage, it was to cheat with permission.


I've heard this too, and I think it has some validity. Once again, it's a matter of thinking through the possible consequences, and knowing what they mean, and deciding if you can handle them if they occur. You also need to think about and discuss how it will and could affect your relationship, and figure out how to deal with any problems that occur. One absolute rule is that we never get involved with a married person unless their spouse has explicitly agreed.

In our case, my wife suggested the open relationship. Actually, it was long before we were married, and originally was a poly relationship. Later, when our poly partners moved on and new truly poly partners were hard to find, we changed things to the simpler open model. We've both taken advantage of prospects, but I've had more of them, and they've lasted longer (it's a lower priority for her). We've sometimes taken extended breaks. Mostly though, we're totally into each other and others have never come close in that regard - but they are still fun, provide novelty, get what they want from it, and in all cases so far have become very good friends even when the sexual aspects have stopped.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Does your wife have many friends or is she, was she shy craving attention. Most of the porn world is built on the shy girl who is suddenly the center of attention. Something they have never had and the rush for them is powerful. They get sucked into it. 

You clearly aren’t comfortable with the swinging, it wasn’t what you expected and don’t have any desire for it anymore. She is craving the attention. She can say all she wants about searching for the “big one” that is the excuse more than anything. I think a great deal of the swinging aspect which gets lost pretty quickly is that its something you are doing and trying as a couple. The people who you are playing with are props in a play for lack of a better way to put it. Yet emotions for the others always ends up coming into it. It needs to stop and the sooner the better because you aren’t happy with it. Its not a couple activity anymore, the line is blurred. 

Your spouse probably has some self esteem issues or depression issues going on whether you realize it or not. You probably do to. Anyway one or both of you are trying to cover up a weak spot in the marriage. Till that gets addressed and understood bringing others into your marriage is not the answer. 

She is getting a rush and wants more. Her friend is telling her about the easy money, again the rush and ego boost they get from a man paying money for services. It’s a powerful short term ego trip. Right now you feel in a lose-lose scenario. If you don’t continue she will be unhappy, if you do you are unhappy. She wont let this issue just go away and you are going to need to be strong to “defend your position” if you choose not to continue. Withdrawl from anything is hard. 

Frankly you are better off getting this hammered out now one way or another than hoping she will get bored with it. The more she continues the less she will want you. You will also run into a problem that you haven’t even thought of yet. At some point especially is the start flirting in the porn/escort world. The short term highs wear off and one day she will just feel like a piece of meat. This will be your fault because you allowed it to happen in her mind. You will have allowed her to be destroyed as a woman or some such excuse. I have seen close to your scenario play out before with a couple I once knew. 

She is searching or needing to feel something and its not “the big one”. You two need to figure out what that is first.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> You are very correct that any decision to open a relationship needs a lot of hard thinking and a great deal of discussion. Rules need to be agreed upon and followed, and either party needs the ability to end the arrangement or veto a particular person for any reason. If this is done, the bell CAN be unrung in a sense, by returning to the prior status.
> 
> However, there are always potential problems, particularly if the agreements are not kept. We have an open relationship. We are also poly, which is not the same thing, but related. We also feel that relationships evolve and grow, and while they can grow apart and even fail because of the poly or open scenario, and that can be painful for the person left behind, we thnk it is better to pursue and create our own happiness rather than rely on another to sustain it.
> 
> ...



That is fascinating! How long have you been married?


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> That is fascinating! How long have you been married?


I agree. I'm fascinated by this type of relationship and what it takes to have it and sustain it. Once dated a poly girl and we just could not work out some of the details. Think its very cool when two people can have this type of openness and understanding together


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

So many couples start swinging on the man's suggestion/push because he has dreams of women fawning and fulfilling his every need. The reality is that women rule in the lifestyle. They are the coveted. They get to choose from a wide selection of eager men (and women) and they determine how far they want to go with each. Men often find themselves forgotten and it's a harsh awakening if the couples have not communicated in great detail before, during and after each occurrence.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

UncertainTimes said:


> I don't think I could handle another divorce... I was suicidal last time...


 Look friend. It comes down to this. You set rules and boundaries. She broke them. First it was swinging, then she ups the ante and wants to do porn, the ups the ante again with the prostitution thing with her friend and the well endowed black dude and your opinion and feelings don't matter to her.

It's too late to put the genie back in the bottle with the swinging part but the porn and hooker thing is way out of bounce and what you got is a run away train ready to jump the tracks, crash and burn. So you got to ask yourself it you want to be part of it. 

Time for you to let her know that she's gone too far and it either stops at the next station so you both can get off or let her ride the rails by herself and she can decide her own fate.

Honestly and it's scarey but if you were suicidal from the last divorce, it's going to be a tip toe through the tulips compared to what she's going to put you through if you don't put the brakes on this. 

If she refuses to stop then tell her to take it someplace else and get rid of her because she's going to take you down with her. Your choice and you better make the right one for your own sanity.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

It is not a real fantasy of most married men for a threesome. As a single guy? Sure. Ffm. 

But i know damn well it would be a two way street in a relationship (mmf) and seeing another man inside my wife would cause the other mans demise in a gruesome way and my susequent lifetime jail/ death sentence.

Quoting the great philosopher adam sandler. That is a bad thing.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

By opening that pandora's box, 3 some, swinging, you have created a monster. There is no turning back or closing that box now.

If you both truly loved each other (emotionally and physically) and are getting or are married, you would of been faithful to each other, in good times and bad. By having sex with other people, you are cheating on each other openly among other things.

Many posts of couples who tried this and at first it seemed great, but then reality set in and its too late. Some fantasies should remain just that, instead of doing whatever pops into your heads. There are consequences for everything you do in life.

It sounds like you guys have no self control and now its time to pay the piper.

If I decided to tell my wifee, I want a 3 some "ffm" and this is Brandy and she wants to give you oral while I do her doggie style and I watch your reactions......lets see.......I'd love it because I'm a HD guy.......my wifee......ummmm, THERE'S THE DOOR!!!

Or what if she said to me one day, this is Tim and I want him to pound me doggie style while I give you a blow job. Ummmm, she may love that......let's see.......THERE'S THE DOOR!!!

Since I am a HD adventurous guy, this temptation (anything with women and sex) would literally be my weakness, ffm, so, I won't even go there.

Once you open that box, its an orgy, and not a marriage.

I wish you all the best though and hope this can be salvaged or move on and learn from this mistake, marry another good woman that only wants you.:scratchhead:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Her friend is an enemy of the marriage.

I think it would be best for the marriage if you could convince your old lady that more time spent with you and away from the toxic friend would do the marriage good.

You really can't control this but you can talk about whats important and convince her to distance her self from the toxic friend before the marriage breaks down further.

Its a start, so do what you can in getting your old lady away from this "friend"


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Swinging is something a guy does with somebody he has no intentions of ever marrying. 
My Opinion Only


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Agreed. Swinging, having orgy sex, is something you can do when single, never married.


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

I had a live-in girlfriend about ten years ago who wanted to try swinging. We did FFM and MMF and partner swapping on various occasions. It was fun at first, but after the fifth or so time I got sick of seeing her get hammered by another guy and I felt like she was enjoying it too much. That led to me being jealous and withdrawing from her and it eventually ended a six year relationship. 

Swinging is just not worth the temporary thrill. It takes a huge toll on the relationship. I will never consent to that again. If my current GF ever mentioned doing that I would break up with her immediately. If I can't satisfy her on my own, she can go build up a harem of men who can. I just won't be a part if it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

As a woman, I would feel disgusted with my own body if I was a swinger. It is not for me.


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