# How to last longer without ejaculating?



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Simple question, likely not having a simple answer. I am seeking to increase the length of time it takes for me to orgasm from PiV sex. I'm not a two pump chump, but typically I can only last a couple of minutes max (and sadly less sometimes) if I start pounding hard, which sometimes we both like. 

I've tried the ole 'think about baseball or taxes' stuff, but it helps very little, if at all. I am considering trying a numbing cream, but would rather not if there is a better solution as I have tried numbing reams in the past and while they do work, they also kill a lot of the sensation of sex as well.

I'd to be able to last at least 5+ minutes. I want to give my fiancee more than I feel I am giving her and I'd like it to last longer for me too. PiV is my favorite position by far, so finding a way to make it last longer would be great.


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## EuphoricConfessions (Dec 20, 2012)

Male kegel exercises helped me in this area. Simply flex the muscle that makes you stop peeing. Flex, hold for 5 seconds and release. I usually did about 3 sets of 25 a day and I noticed a difference withing 2-3 weeks.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

How much of a difference? Any idea on how it helped you?


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

My husband has the same problem. I went to lovers lane and bought numbing cream, it was about $13 for a medium sized bottle. I rubbed a little amount on his d1ck and put a condom on him because you wont be able to feel a thing for about 30 mins. Try that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I may try a numbing cream if all else fails, but the problem with this is just what you said. You won't feel a thing. I want to feel sex.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Well, if you're really slapping things together and you both like it, it's no surprise that you can't last as long as you might like. Most guys don't last more than 5 minutes with intense uninterrupted stimulation anyway.

If it feels too good, there are only two choices. Stop doing it or reduce your sensitivity. Option one is what you're trying to avoid, and option two reduces your enjoyment. I think you're going to have to pick the lesser of two evils.

While masturbating a couple of hours before sex might help you last longer, my observation is that it also takes away no small part of the enjoyment. Not so much as a cream, but enough that you wouldn't want to do it every time. 

I don't think there's an easy answer that meets all of your criteria. I do notice that you don't mention a particular position, so that might be a possibility. My wife only enjoys PIV, so I've had to find ways to get around the same problem. I have found her on top slows me down a lot. Get her close by any means necessary, switch to your favorite position, and go like gangbusters.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Her on top make me go just as fast as me on top. I actually found it odd that people said otherwise around here when i first came here.

I go quickly from behind as well, but it doesn't feel nearly as good for me (the orgasm I mean) so I just keep going in that position. Oral meanwhile I bet I could hold off forever without oragsming, even though she is very skilled at it. Maybe it's a texture thing? 

Does anyone else have that issue, where they can go very quickly from PiV sex, but not oral, or vice versa? If so, is it a stimulus thing or is it a mental thing in your opinion?


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

I just bought myself a flehslight flight. If you can last 5 minutes in that thing you can last an hour with her, lol. I would recommend it GREATLY for "stamina" training.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

wifelover said:


> kingsfan: Try masturbation. Rather than doing it before sex as a way of reducing your sensitivity for round two, use as a way of training your body. Practice masturbating until you are about to come. Then stop, wait for a bit. Then start masturbating again until you are about to come, stop, and wait a bit. Repeat this for a good twenty minutes or more before you let yourself come. Do it a couple of times a week for a while. It should increase the period you can go before orgasming and train your body to spend more time in the plateau stage of arousal, which is where you need to be to last. FWIW, I have tried kegels and they made no difference at all.


Highly recommend this. Worked well for me


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

wifelover said:


> kingsfan: Try masturbation. Rather than doing it before sex as a way of reducing your sensitivity for round two, use as a way of training your body. Practice masturbating until you are about to come. Then stop, wait for a bit. Then start masturbating again until you are about to come, stop, and wait a bit. Repeat this for a good twenty minutes or more before you let yourself come. Do it a couple of times a week for a while. It should increase the period you can go before orgasming and train your body to spend more time in the plateau stage of arousal, which is where you need to be to last. FWIW, I have tried kegels and they made no difference at all.





41362 said:


> Highly recommend this. Worked well for me


How much improvement did you see as a result of this?


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Her on top make me go just as fast as me on top. I actually found it odd that people said otherwise around here when i first came here.
> 
> I go quickly from behind as well, but it doesn't feel nearly as good for me (the orgasm I mean) so I just keep going in that position. Oral meanwhile I bet I could hold off forever without oragsming, even though she is very skilled at it. Maybe it's a texture thing?
> 
> Does anyone else have that issue, where they can go very quickly from PiV sex, but not oral, or vice versa? If so, is it a stimulus thing or is it a mental thing in your opinion?


Sorry to disagree, but her on top really really delays me... that said, if we can get to the payoff that way, it's really nice. 

Agree on the oral- for me it's mental. I take forever because I can't believe she really wants me to finish in her mouth. She's learned to tell me while she's doing it... That seems to take down that mental barrier...


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> How much improvement did you see as a result of this?


I can't really answer because it's something I've done forever. 

Our time together is usually 30 to 60 minutes. Friday night was nearly two hours.

The downside is that "quickies" are difficult as hell for me... Not impossibe, but require serious concentration.


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## EuphoricConfessions (Dec 20, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> How much of a difference? Any idea on how it helped you?


Read the article to see how it helps:

Kegel Exercises For Better Sex | LIVESTRONG.COM

After 2-3 weeks of doing the kegels I got maybe another minuet out of sex. Unfortunately I never stuck to it because of relationship issues.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

It seems that I can last forever with her on top - and she gets a lot out of it too.

But I see that you said that does not work for you. The mental imaging stuff is crap because who wants to be distracting themselves with thoughts of doing the taxes? Can you keep it up and keep going? Or maybe if you did come and then you took a break to pleasure her and then came back to the piv.

It's good to see you concerned about her enjoying herself. And it's good to see someone like myself who likes the process as much as or more than the finish.

I wouldn't try the numbing creams though.


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## studley (Oct 19, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> I may try a numbing cream if all else fails, but the problem with this is just what you said. You won't feel a thing. I want to feel sex.


The issue is not to use too much. A single drop rubbed into the
most sensitive spots is enough - ya gotta experiment.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

sparkyjim said:


> It seems that I can last forever with her on top - and she gets a lot out of it too.
> 
> But I see that you said that does not work for you. The mental imaging stuff is crap because who wants to be distracting themselves with thoughts of doing the taxes? Can you keep it up and keep going? Or maybe if you did come and then you took a break to pleasure her and then came back to the piv.
> 
> ...


I used to be able to keep it up after I went, but the last year or so (I'm 35 now) I've found it hit and miss if I stay up or not. I'm guessing it has to do with age, but I am also working on losing weight and hoping that as my weight drops this will maybe go away. I've dropped 22 pounds from my heaviest point and it has helped.

When you say pleasuring her after I cum, what do you mean specifically? One thing I won't do is oral on her after I have started PiV. I just can't. And for that matter, she's not into oral on her (I haven't gone down on her in about 3 years, and I haven't gone down on her while she's sober in about 5 years), so I know me asking to give her oral will not go over well if I've already been down there.

Is there something else you are referring to? Such as a different position or something of that nature?


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

You want to enjoy yourself fully too. So don't use cream. Don't think of baseball either.

What you need to do is start to recognize the "point of no return". Try to recognize when you are just about to get there. Then STOP for a while. You can stay inside - but tell your wife not to squeeze (because if her muscles are strong that will send you over the edge).
Enjoy the feeling... BOTH of you - but wait until you're off the threshold. Then start again. 


Remember, you're both there - so help each other. It will take practice - that's the good news. Practice is fun. And for your wife - spend more time on foreplay. It's win/win.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

studley said:


> The issue is not to use too much. A single drop rubbed into the
> most sensitive spots is enough - ya gotta experiment.


I have used them before and would go there if I have too, but regardless of the amount I used (and I did experiment a fair bit) it just left me very numb and unable to fully enjoy sex.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I used to be able to keep it up after I went, but the last year or so (I'm 35 now) I've found it hit and miss if I stay up or not.


Your testosterone is dropping. The best way to deal with this at your age is to start working out 3X per week using heavy compound movements: leg press/squat, dead lift, decline bench press, overhead press, compound row, chins, dips. These raise testosterone. Even better, upping sleep to 9 or more hours will increase it even higher and cause you to lose fat easier.



kingsfan said:


> I'm guessing it has to do with age, but I am also working on losing weight and hoping that as my weight drops this will maybe go away. I've dropped 22 pounds from my heaviest point and it has helped.


Excess body fat raises estrogen and suppresses testosterone. Elevated estrogen makes you fatter. It's a feedback loop. The fatter you are, the more estrogen you make and the more estrogen, the fatter you are. Which all makes for lower T. The more testosterone, the lower the fat, and the harder the d1ck.

Frequency is the key. Start laying pipe everyday and you'll see your time in the saddle will start getting longer and longer.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Your testosterone is dropping. The best way to deal with this at your age is to start working out 3X per week using heavy compound movements: leg press/squat, dead lift, decline bench press, overhead press, compound row, chins, dips. These raise testosterone. Even better, upping sleep to 9 or more hours will increase it even higher and cause you to lose fat easier.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah, I knew about the estrogen thing. I'm aiming to get down another 10 lbs. or so, and then starting to really hot the weights. Don't have the option right this moment due to a second job but that should be ending soon and give me more free time.

Regarding the bolded, if that was even an option I doubt I would have ever found my way to TAM to begin with.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> . . . .Does anyone else have that issue, where they can go very quickly from PiV sex, but not oral, or vice versa? If so, is it a stimulus thing or is it a mental thing in your opinion?


PiV I can last as long as Ms. Spin needs if she’s on top (which she generally is), as long as she cooperates when/if I tell her to slow down/stop. But oral, I’ve only had (1) woman who could get me there and no I didn't marry her. :scratchhead:

As to the OP you might try and revisit her hesitancy re. oral. Before and during PiV – it can be quite good for here pleasure and it may be something she would be more open to that she was several years ago. These things change.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Yeah, I knew about the estrogen thing. I'm aiming to get down another 10 lbs. or so, and then starting to really hot the weights. Don't have the option right this moment due to a second job but that should be ending soon and give me more free time.
> 
> Regarding the bolded, if that was even an option I doubt I would have ever found my way to TAM to begin with.


It all goes together. When I was fat, I wasn't getting any either. Not because I was fat, it was because she "really had lost interest in sex." Funny, when I dropped 70# of fat and added 15# of muscle, her interest magically returned.

You're running the MAP, right?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Kegel exercises are good, but they are mostly good for keeping your erection hard and upright.

In order to last _much_ longer [ if she so desires] I usually just change positions regularly.

There are some positions where you feel more " friction", leave them for " finishing."

Another suggestion is , let her start off on top of you, and you stay still. She rides until she orgasms , and then you take over.
Eg;
When my wife's on top of me at 90 degrees , and does her thing, she can orgasm quickly, but I usually don't.There's just enough friction to keep me hard. 
However,if she leans forward on me, or lean backward away from me and does her stuff, then there's much ore friction, and obviously,I orgasm.

I am not saying this would work for everyone , but just experimenting with different positions during sex, tends to interrupt and slow down your orgasm.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> It all goes together. When I was fat, I wasn't getting any either. Not because I was fat, it was because she "really had lost interest in sex." Funny, when I dropped 70# of fat and added 15# of muscle, her interest magically returned.
> 
> You're running the MAP, right?


Yep. I'm down about 24 pounds now, and my goal is to drop another 10 pounds, then start hitting the weighs and do some running to shed some more while adding some muscle bulk.

I know that sex will never be daily. Frankly, it's been years since I've even wanted it daily, and secondly based on everything I've gleaned from my fiancee during our five years together, plus how she's been sexually in the more recent past, I don't think anything more than 3x a week is very realistic. Not that I'm complaining.



Caribbean Man said:


> Kegel exercises are good, but they are mostly good for keeping your erection hard and upright.
> 
> In order to last _much_ longer [ if she so desires] I usually just change positions regularly.
> 
> ...


Essentially, ANY PiV sex gets me off in a hurry. I've tried multiple positions and I can get to the finish in less than a minute if I want to (which I don't). It's like a catch 22.


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Viagra.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BackOnTrack (Oct 25, 2011)

Cedarman said:


> You want to enjoy yourself fully too. So don't use cream. Don't think of baseball either.
> 
> What you need to do is start to recognize the "point of no return". Try to recognize when you are just about to get there. Then STOP for a while. You can stay inside - but tell your wife not to squeeze (because if her muscles are strong that will send you over the edge).
> Enjoy the feeling... BOTH of you - but wait until you're off the threshold. Then start again.


This is what helped me the most. In addition, deep breathing helps tremendously. Once you are able to determine when you are getting close to the big O, stop. and begin taking in slow deep breaths and exhale slowly repetedly. Do this until the sensation passes. Once you master this, you'll be able to incorporate the breathing into every session and will simply varying the pace without the need to completley stop.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Working the PC muscles (kegels) is a good thing. Another way that isn't mentioned here yet is using a wet washcloth, when erect, lay it over the p*nis and lift. 

The tips that wifelover gave with masturbation are great tips. Conditioning your body to go longer is very beneficial.

Change position or pause for a bit when you are getting close. This will take some will power and communication with your partner, but very beneficial as well.

You might also try a c*ckring. It can help you last longer as well. Please note that these should be taken off after 15-20 minutes. Another perk is that you can get ones that have a vibe for stimulating her clit as well. My H and I like the ones that have the vertical vibe over the horizontal vibe, The BangO Vibrating Pleasure - Assorted Colors - BNG110E - A Place For Passion like this one.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Just wait ten years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Just wait ten years.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Great advice diwali. I'm sure you'd like it if someone suggested the same to you about your husband.


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