# Lying About an Affair When Not Cheating?



## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

My H confessed to a male friend a few months ago that he was having an affair with his closest female friend (FF), who then showed up at the bar they were at and left with my H after talking in the corner for awhile (during which time she was visibly upset and MF reports that H said he had told her he'd confessed to MF about the affair and that's why she was upset). H says the confession was a lie. :scratchhead:

The reasons he gives for the lie:
- he said it "to seem cool"
- it was a "pissing contest" of a conversation during which they were trying to one-up each other _(with confessions of depravity, I can only assume) _
-"I don't have a lot of guy friends so I thought that was how guys talk to each other." _(this one just makes me feel like he thinks I'm stupid)_
- he doesn't think it was a big deal to say because he forgot about it almost as soon as he said it _(yeah, until I found out about it and came unhinged)_

The person he confessed to is the H of one of my best friends.

My question to you is: WTH? Do people lie about having affairs when they're not? If they do, do they usually do it to someone so close to their spouse and about someone with whom they are so close? I should mention that MF has stated he does not think it was a lie and he didn't think so at the time. Can anyone help me understand this?


----------



## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Your husband is just an attention seeking DOUCHE-BAG... period.


----------



## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

:lol:
That actually made me truly laugh out loud. It is true in more ways than you know. (At least, that's my opinion these days.)


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Without knowing the parties, it's hard to say. Strikes me as odd that FF, upon apparently hearing that your H was spreading false rumors of adultary around his friends, would remove him from his friends, and take your H off in private to a corner to discuss the matter. I'd think stomp directly up to him and call him on it in front of his friends. 
Is it outside the realm of possibility that a guy would lie to another guy about having sex with a girl? If she was particularly hot, he might well lie and say he did have sex when he hadn't. If she was unattractive, he might lie and say he hadn't had sex when, in fact, he had. It'd be more common for guys around age 16, so it's not exactly a badge of maturity.


----------



## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

So are you still with this "piece of work." If so, I truly feel for you. Best be on your toes.


----------



## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

We are currently separated, I found out a week ago yesterday about the above, he moved out (temporarily, but he's not back yet) Wednesday. He is not communicative with me, I feel like I'm being treated like *I* did something wrong. He denies the affair upside down and backwards, but all signs point to, so I don't know what to think. He had locked his phone at some point in the winter with a password and refused to tell me what it was, has lied to me several times (once about his whereabouts all night when he didn't come home), been texting with FF (admittedly, but he claims they were just regular texts, although I can't check with his phone locked), chosen to spend time with her over me (including once when I was sick)... should I go on? He denies it, but all signs point to.

So yes and no. Still married, not currently living together. Our first MC session is tomorrow... I guess we'll see if he shows.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Forget MC till he tells the truth, there is a lie somewhere in what he is saying or doing, the FF could be a cover story for an affair elsewhere. If he will not tell you the whole truth or you smell a rat in his stories, polygraph him. He can avoid all this by giving you access to his account and phone, if anything is missing he is up to no good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I'm not sure why someone would make up a story about having an affair unless they are into game playing. Sounds immature and pointless.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

What about just directly asking the FF in question, as a starting point? If she confesses, there's all you need. If not, maybe you at least get some insight into WTH is going on here...


----------



## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

*sigh* I don't want to talk to FF. I feel like he is having an EA even if he denies the PA (although I doubt that, too). I have never trusted FF, and I feel like she has all sorts of ulterior motives to lie to me either way, so I don't feel anything would be gained by asking her because no matter what she says I don't think I would believe her. I just want her to go away.


----------



## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

So I told a friend my story leaving out the "lie" H told about having an affair, and she still thought he was cheating, without the most damning argument. I just want the truth.


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

While it's unlikely this is happening in this case, I'll just say that, back in college, I played the fictional role of OM, playing at an affair with my roommate's gf, for the benefit of our other friends.

I can sense te confusion, so let me clarify. When my roommate first started sewing his gf, he put a framed picture of her on the shelf in our dorm room. Our room was the meeting place for our friends to gather for dinner. They'd stare at the picture trying to get information from it...but never outright ask him about her. So we concocted a plan to try making them think she and I were fooling around on him, and she was in on it, too. Sometimes, when the three of us were hanging out together, she and I would make a point of being seen by one or more of them, with my roommate nowhere to be seen.

Kind of ironic that, a few years later, after they split up and he had a falling out with all of us, she an I ended up together for about 3 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

I got to unload all of my thoughts on this subject last night at my MC session (solo this time, she meets with H tomorrow, then we'll be back together next week), and it felt good to get it all off my chest. She also seemed confused about what was happening and gave me a lot of validation (as have all of you) that my confusion about what's going on is understandable.

Bottom line: I still think he's lying about something, there's something he's not telling me. Whether it's that this A was real or if there's another one that this confession was meant to cover up, or something totally different. I just want to understand what's happening here. I don't understand why someone would confess, in secret, to another person about an affair if it wasn't true.

Thanks for all of your support on this - TAM rawks.


----------

