# HELP -Husband and ED/diabetes issues



## Safari (Dec 10, 2015)

Background: husband is 50 has type one diabetes. He has low sex drive and ED. Married 21 years and have two children. 

He's sex drive is usually low. I have dealt with this through out the years. I try not to take it personal but it hurts inside. He closes up when I bring it up with excuses. Years ago the doctor put him on testosterone but it didn't agree with him. He had ED medicine but complains of very bad side effects, tried lowering dose ( viagra) but he still has very bad heart burn ( even when he takes a antacid) so he doesn't want to take them. 

We had sex last week, no viagra but it was work to get him semi hard
And if he doesn't get off in a few minutes he will completely loose his erection. 

I'm the one to bring up sex, if I never mention it he would be glad! 
He has excuses, tired, headache, kids up. 

I got him some maca and vitamins and for a while his drive was much better. I was very happy but it seemed to wear off and now his drive is pretty much nothing.

I want not to make myself dwell on this issue but if we don't have sex for a week or two I feel very rejected. That's all I can think about. I have lost a lot of weight and I look really nice now and my drive has gone up. I want to feel wanted. 

Kids are going to be off for many weeks for vacation next week so no sex for along time( no bed time when on vacation) my husband will be happy! 

Ladies, how do you deal with issues like this? I know most men want sex but not my husband. He tells me he's not Horney so he doesn't think about sex.

He's a good husband, father but this issue is hard for me emotionally.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would show him other ways to please you. Intercourse is not your only option.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I could think of lot's of ways to make my wife feel great that did not involve my erection. As long as she was appreciative of the effort and not resentful that my erection didn't work I'd be happy to oblige. 

On the other hand, there is a long history of expectations on her part that no matter how often she says no that I'm always ready to go with oh, 3 minutes of warning . So if I suddenly started having performance issues I might have a mental issue about that. 

So somehow you need to get his mind off the latter and onto the former. Talk a bit and the next time you connect you both work on your pleasure rather than his erection.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Safari, 
I am borderline diabetic aged 53 and take Androjel (liquid I put on shoulders) daily and 50mg. Viagra as needed.
I also take Prilosec twice a day because of heart burn.
When I first started taking Androjel I got a little hot headed (angry) but that went away in about 2 weeks. To get myself going I usually take another squirt of androjel and 50mg. Viagra on an empty stomach with two Aleive and a shot of Afrin in my nose. This combination has worked wonders for me. So much so that if I lose my job, I might be able to apply for some grandpa porno work  

I would tell your husband to give it another try. Hell, I'm willing to endure a headache all the next day providing I was brick hard the night before. He's got to give it the old college try again, ya know?


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Yes, but he is not motivated to do that UMP. Expecting him to may push him away more...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You also need to look into the psychological aspect of this. WHY is he not interested? Was he always LD? Does he have issues with you or the marriage? Does he feel you judge or nag him in other ways? I always tell people if you want something from another person, first figure out what would make them WANT to give you that something, and make that happen.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Safari, 

Has your H need to increase his insulin levels gone up in recent years? 


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

anonmd said:


> Yes, but he is not motivated to do that UMP. Expecting him to may push him away more...


You're right. I always assume incorrectly that guys want or are willing to do whatever it takes to fix this sort of thing.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

My husband has a low t count and has ED due to diabetes. He has pellets injected twice a year to get his t count up. He should look into that. He could go a couple of months without sex, doesn't think about i and admits he does it more often to make me happy. We don't have sex at night because he too tired and doesn't perform as well so we have sex on weekend mornings. Have you suggest that to your husband? We probably have sex once or twice month. I understand how frustrating it is for you because all men like sex right? I also have lost weight and my libido has increased (despite being in menopause) which of course hasn't helped the situation.


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## Safari (Dec 10, 2015)

My husband had a lower sex drive then the average guy. It was high only in the beginning. No problems in the marriage, he is a high strung guy. Easily stressed out. He's medication has not changed.

My husband doesn't like to take pills, even pain medication unless he has to due to ( side effects)
I told him to take Prilosec before the viagra but he said it constipated him for days. Viagra makes him feel off the next day with stomach pain. I'm tired of him complaining about side effects! I told him finally to stop complaining. I told him I'll look into another ED pill but I'm sure he won't like it.

He does take the vitamins/ maca that I give him. If he was horney I think he wouldn't care about side effects that much. If he gets a erection and he gets cold the erection goes away. 

I do think he feels bad about his ED, I don't dwell on it, but he needs help! He closes up 

I would love to look into options, hormones, pellets but knowing my husband hell complain about how bad the side effects are and how sick he is.

When we do have sex, he does please me, I'm the first one to be pleased. He's very proud! 

If I bring up the lack of sex, it gets worse. I'll I hear is excuses. Tired, stressed, kids are not sleeping, I don't feel tingly ( on his penis) he tells me when he fells tingly that he can get a erection.

I want not to dwell on our sex life, I get depressed and feel angry that my husband doesn't have the desire for sex. Most men would love to have SEX!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Safari said:


> My husband had a lower sex drive then the average guy. It was high only in the beginning. No problems in the marriage, he is a high strung guy. Easily stressed out. He's medication has not changed.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



There maybe other underlying issues going on. Has he ever had an endocrine profile? I'm thinking in terms of his cortisol levels. 


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## Safari (Dec 10, 2015)

No he has not been tested. He did have his testosterone checked years ago and it was in the low normal range.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Safari said:


> No he has not been tested. He did have his testosterone checked years ago and it was in the low normal range.



You might want a more extensive profile, but yes low T is one to zap energy as well as low libido and low muscle mass. 


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Get him out walking! Take some time to go on long walks. Over time the additional exercise will improve blood flow. Also, any chance on going to the gym together and lifting weights. That will improve testosterone levels to.


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

I'm on T replacement. If he was on it and stopped,that could be part of the issue. Once you start supplementing, the body decides that it doesn't need to produce any. I believe there are mess that might make him start producing T again. Not sure what the side effects of the T were for him. Was he using gel, pellets, shots? It also takes time to affect the bodies T level. His attitude sucks, but seems like low motivation, possibly from low T. You might get his levels checked again. 

Also agree with the others, there are other ways he could satisfy you, with no pressure on him to perform.


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## Safari (Dec 10, 2015)

He was on a gel. He became aggressive, he's already high strung. He does please me even if he can't get off - he gets defeated and blows his ego. Does he ever please me like when we don't attemp sex? i never asked him to do that. 

The testosterone: doesn't it stop working after awhile and you don't even get your own anymore?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Safari said:


> He was on a gel. He became aggressive, he's already high strung. He does please me even if he can't get off - he gets defeated and blows his ego. Does he ever please me like when we don't attemp sex? i never asked him to do that.
> 
> The testosterone: doesn't it stop working after awhile and you don't even get your own anymore?


I have been taking Androjel (which is a gel) for over 2 years. Yes, I got more aggressive but it only lasted a couple weeks.
No, the testosterone KEEPS working just fine. In fact, when I know we are going to have sex in a couple days, I put on an extra squirt to amp myself up. They give you a little extra in the bottle to do this.

I am 53 and am having better orgasms than when I was 18. I shiit you not. I can't shoot as far,:grin2: but they feel better


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## Safari (Dec 10, 2015)

Good to know. I'm going to drag my husband to go get his blood work. I do remember when he was on the gel like 8 years ago, we were told that it will effect his sperm ( we were trying for a baby) and that's another reason he stopped it. 

I'm glad your having awesome orgasms!!!!


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Safari said:


> He was on a gel. He became aggressive, he's already high strung. He does please me even if he can't get off - he gets defeated and blows his ego. Does he ever please me like when we don't attemp sex? i never asked him to do that.
> 
> The testosterone: doesn't it stop working after awhile and you don't even get your own anymore?


I hate to tell you this, but if he is already high strung and became aggressive with the gel, chances are he will do the same with the shots. At least it would be that way for a few weeks, in my opinion.

I never considered myself high strung, but I have always had a really bad temper when agitated. It worsened for a few weeks when I started the shots. I have since calmed down to normal in that regard. I have been on the therapy for about 3-1/2 years now, and I am here to tell you that it DOES WORK in that it will definitely increase libido and desire. The increased energy portion of the therapy is minimal unless you increase physical activity significantly.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Safari said:


> Good to know. I'm going to drag my husband to go get his blood work. I do remember when he was on the gel like 8 years ago, we were told that it will effect his sperm ( *we were trying for a baby) and that's another reason he stopped it.
> *
> I'm glad your having awesome orgasms!!!!


OK, you need to know as was posted earlier that taking a T supplement will usually cause a man's testicles to shut down. That will mean probably to few sperm to get pregnant. The body is a wonderful feedback mechanism. When you take a T supplement, the body see an elevated T level and tells the testicle so produce less. The T levels drop and then your supplemental T level is usually adjusted upward by the doctor until the guy's body basically tells the testicles to stop all together.

And I was going to comment that you might want to sit down with your husband and tell him that sex is important to you and it is important to your marriage and the two of you feeling close. Tell him that there are lots of other ways to be sexual and intimate without PIV sex. 

Tell him (and it is true) that most men if they are lucky enough to live long enough will get prostate cancer in one form or another. Those that get the worst kinds and have surgery often have to live with impotence or partial impotence as a side effect. In fact the statistics are about 20% have ED. Tell him that those men and their wives can still have healthy active sex lives. There are lots of Prostate Cancer survivor websites that discuss and have resources for people with very serious ED problems. Luckily, I have not yet had prostate cancer, but at 67, I know it is out there hiding in the shadows.

You might also want to get for yourself the book Still Sexy After All These Years. It is a collection of interviews with women over age 55 who for reasons of divorce, widowhood, medical reasons no longer have a husband as a sex partner. It discusses how they retain sensuality and sexuality in their lives.

Good luck.


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