# I think my girlfriend is falling for someone else...



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Hi, im new on the forum, its 3 in the morning and i was searching for an advice....
Ive been with my girlfriend for almost 10 months, we have been in a good relationship, with its ups and downs but we have always had a good conection , we have talked about our future and we both want one together, we love each other very much,she is on her early 20's im on my late 20's. 
making it short with this small backround history, she met this guy a fewweeks ago, at first nothing happend. But now im starting to worry, they have been texting quite a bit and she told her friend that she had weird feelings about our relationship.... In those couple of days she was acting weird, but knowing what was happening i tryed to be a better man giving her more attention , compliments and love, few days later everything was back to normal i was feeling she was there with me , mind and body but she kept texting with this guy, not as often but she texted him that it was nice that they saw each other today ... She didnt tell me that she saw him and i know they are planning on hanging around in a couple of days.... Is it just me and been paranoid... Or is something really happening, everytime im with her i can see on her eyes that she loves me,nothing have changed , we still kiss, hug, and having the same great intimacy as always. ii could tell thevdiference between theway she looks at me and its been good but im confused... Im i lossing her? Is she just wanting more attention? What do you think?


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Have you actually asked her to stop seeing this guy? What does she say? Where there is smoke there is fire.

She's still "dating". 10 months isn't a Long term relationship in the grand scheme of things . I think it's run it's course for the two of you, she has found a more desirable mate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

I THINK BETWENN A HUG AND A KISS YOU SHOULD KINDLY ASK HER:
WHY DO YOU TEXT SO MUCH -------- ? IS THER SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO KNOW?
No jeulosy, no anger, no harsh.... just simple and kind. Then look at her straight in the eye's when she answers.


----------



## justtryin (Apr 22, 2013)

Since you clearly want the relationship to continue and you're looking for a serious commitment, it's time to establish some boundaries. Give her the choice and demand that she choose - no wishy washy, no nebulous delays. Make the choice. 

If she feels strongly enough about you, she'll respect your boundaries. If not, the relationship is doomed anyways and it's time to mourn the relationship and let go.

This particular boundary being - you will not share her with another man, in any way shape or form, emotionally or physically. Ever. It's a deal breaker. 

Her energy in the relationship is either all for you, or it's over. That includes socially texting with another man, socially hanging out with another man outside of your presence, socially talking on phone to another man outside of your presence. No ifs, ands or buts. 

If that's too much for her to handle, respect her choice and acknowledge that your relationship has run its course as Phillyguy said. She's doesn't want an exclusive commitment with you. If you allow this kind of thing, you're simply kicking the can down the road for bigger problems and after you've invested even more of your time and energy into the relationship. Do yourself a HUGE favor and deal with this firmly and immediately so you can move on with your life one way or the other. 

Again, recognize that if she gives the answer you DON'T want, that she won't respect your boundary, it's over. She isn't as into you as you are to her, and nothing you do will change that, especially if you try to "nice" her back or if you get angry and emotional. You'll simply have to let her go, it will be the right answer for both of you in the long haul. Find someone who shares your values and is as into you as you are to them and give it another go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

How were her prior relationships?

What is the longest one she has been in? 

Why and how did the end (moved on, cheating, etc)?

I ask this as it could be an indication of how her mindset is on commitment and relationships. You are both still young and it could be that she is just yearning to be free after being under Mommy and Daddy's reigns for so long. It could also be an indication of her trends towards relationships and monogamy. some people just aren't cut out for it.

Agree on establishing boundaries that you both can live with and establishing what each expects and wants in exclusivity as well as long term commitments.


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Thank you very much for all of your words, we talked and confronted her. 
She told me she loves me and she just wants to be with me. 
I think theres nothing else to do but trust her, because i really do, i think this was just something that happened and will build our relationship stronger.


----------



## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

This sounds like an emotional affair starting. Nip it in the bud now.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> Thank you very much for all of your words, we talked and confronted her.
> She told me she loves me and she just wants to be with me.
> I think theres nothing else to do but trust her, because i really do, i think this was just something that happened and will build our relationship stronger.


You didn't really answer the questions. Why do they text so much if they just met? Why did she feel weird about your relationship?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Thank you very much for all of your words, we talked and confronted her.
> She told me she loves me and she just wants to be with me.
> I think theres nothing else to do but trust her, because i really do, i think this was just something that happened and will build our relationship stronger.


No you do not have to just trust her.

If the two of you have agreed to a committed, exclusive relationship, then you have the right to ask her to end all contact with the other man. You need to do this. What it sounds like is happening is that she is building an emotional connection with this guy. You will most likely lose her if she continued her friendship with him.

If she is not willing to give up her friendship with him, then you need to consider ending your relationship with her. She's dating this guy.. that's what it's called when a man and a woman hang out together.


----------



## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

Calimarshall said:


> Thank you very much for all of your words, we talked and confronted her.
> She told me she loves me and she just wants to be with me.
> I think theres nothing else to do but trust her, because i really do, i think this was just something that happened and will build our relationship stronger.


yeah, you dont want to fall for that sh!t. You just need to figure out a way to explain to her that she cant have oppo sex friends when she is in a relationship. Aske her how she would handle you texting another chick and planning play dates and such. Stick to your guns, dont be a pu55y, tell her she either nix the **** with this guy or you walk.....but then be prepared to put your money where your mouth is.


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Well ... Plot twist ... I just read they are meeting tomorrow after i go to work... Ha... This feels so bad... I dont know what to do... I thought it was fine... But i think i was wrong....


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Meet where ?

Does she not work ?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Well ... Plot twist ... I just read they are meeting tomorrow after i go to work... Ha... This feels so bad... I dont know what to do... I thought it was fine... But i think i was wrong....


Does she live with you?

How did you find this out?

You need to tell her that if she had any further contact with this guy, you two are over. You have to be willing to end your relationship over this for her to take you seriously.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

she is lying to you---she is deceitful, she is manipulative, and this is just in a dating situation, you are in with her---------do you really need the misery that this girl is NOW BRINGING INTO YOUR LIFE


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Yes, we live together, im going to work , and the guy will meet her in our place to pick up more people because they are going to a hang out with more people , but the guy is coming here after i leave work,...


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So why not pretend to go to work and come back home just after he arrives and ask her (in front of him) "What's he doing here ? I thought you understood that you cannot hang out with him!" This will have maximum effect and impact on both her and him. He will get the message that you are on to him and she will have to show her true colours immediately.


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Yes man fromlamancha, thats what i'll do... 
Oh my god... Im scared.


----------



## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

Man, I'm sorry to hear that. To be honest, as hard as it is for you, I'd do that and catch her in the act, and then break-up with her. Btw, bring a friend tomorrow, so you'll have a witness and so there won't be any physical confrontation with the Other Man.

If you have to play these games with her, it's obvious this situation is just a symptom of bigger problems she has, and she's really not ready to be in a healthy relationship. You should be with someone who from the start has healthy boundaries, respect for his/her SO, ... Not someone who still has so much growing up to do and so much therapy in front of themselves before they become a healthy person.

So don't get fooled by hear tears, apologies,... Get out there while you can, while you're not married, she's not "oops, pregnant", don't have any STDs. Spend some time working on yourself and getting over her. After that, you'll eventually be able to find a much better girl for yourself.

Above all, don't stop posting here!

Best wishes


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Thank you hobbesthetiger, ill just wait for the time and try to catch them in the act ... Ill ask her what she is doing today, she'll probably say that she will be just hanging by herself in the apartment... Ill wait for the time and when they get to the apartment even if they are not doing nothing ill just say to the guy to leave and ill say to her that we are over because she lied about been byherself and lied about this guy, i wont do anything to the guy or to the girl, ill just grab my guitar and leave.... And in a couple of days ill take all my other stuff....


----------



## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Calimarshall said:


> Yes man fromlamancha, thats what i'll do...
> Oh my god... Im scared.


You shouldn't be scared. Sad, angry, suspicious - yes, but not scared. Scare = unknown = no control. You do know for sure something is happening behind your back. Prepare yourself mentally for the most likely outcome of this and be in control. Whoever is lying to you is on the vulnerable side, not you.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

You're welcome, glad to help!

Will you ask her by text message? Also, have an excuse ready for why you're nervous (maybe sth at work etc.). Seriously, if possible, have a friend come with you! You might not want a physical confrontation, but the other guy might... Or if you do go alone, just stay outside the appartment (after you will have seen her together with him) and then go someplace. Then, arrange for someone to escort you while you go take your stuff.

Btw, having a witness will prevent her from filling false violence charges against you... So at least have a VAR in the future when dealing with her.


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Well... Hobbesthetiger.... I think i will be alone... The only thing that comes to my mind is do a video recording of everything just in case just to have my phone on my hand.... Ill just go inside ask him to leave ... Say to her that this is over... And leave...


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What if she tells you that her friend will be picking her up tomorrow and they will all be hanging out with the rest of her friends ?

That could be a valid innocent explanation.

Were they actually discussing about meeting when you are out of the house ? Or the time they were supposed to meet just happened to be when you were working ?


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

You're fortunate 

You can't see that yet but you have an opportunity here to learn about people who do this - before you really get yourself, possible marriage kids etc, into the deepest sh!t imaginable

This is sh!t or bust - you stay and it's all under a completely different set of rules and boundaries or 

...you go ........and slap your face and smile at how goddam lucky you have just been  

____________

Even this early she's showing you how easy it is for her to cheat and lie her way around what you think you have here so cut your losses imo


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> What if she tells you that her friend will be picking her up tomorrow and they will all be hanging out with the rest of her friends ?
> 
> That could be a valid innocent explanation.
> 
> Were they actually discussing about meeting when you are out of the house ? Or the time they were supposed to meet just happened to be when you were working ?


But does any of that matter any more ? She's already started lying covering up etc etc 

Is it worth it ?


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Warlock07 she didnt said anything, we talked about this guy early today this morning, i told her i didnt liked that she was hanging with him because he clearly wanted something with her.
She lied about stuff early today when i was confronting her , deniying all that i was saying that i knew that i reed on her phone. So its most certain that she'll lie again tomorrow...


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Tbh Go and get your guitar and stuff now you

- you owe her nothing no explanation as she already knows what all this about

...as sadly do you


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

And one of the worst things.... My birthday will be this saturday and had this thing planned... Oh my god... Oh my god... Everything is gone now... Ill have to carry on...


----------



## Mark123 (Oct 13, 2009)

leaving her you will have a lucky escape. if your reading her phone now it wont get any better. trust me i know.
only thing is 10 years on i made the mistake of not going.
one day me and my guitars will take a ride


----------



## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

On second thought, I agree, if you feel like you have enough proof (and I think you do), I would walk away. Let your birthday be your first day of being free. Look, this kind of girl will break your heart and hurt you more and more if you stay. 

Maybe, after many years of introspection and hard work, she will become good relationship material, but 1. she won't put in hard work if she has no motivation (and if you stay with her, why should she change) and 2. the process of her changing will be really hard, with many setbacks etc., so in the end, you'll be sucked dry of energy etc., and then, when she's all improved, there's a good chance she'll leave you because she will want to live a single life for a while etc. At least that's what happened in my case.

Look, give yourself a birthday present of not having such a bad girlfriend anymore, and the gift of being free to find yourself and then find someone better.

But if you feel the need for one more proof, one more confrontation, go ahead. Just be careful, she'll probably try to spin some web of excuses and tears to make you stay, so she won't lose her plan B.

It's not your fault she's like this. She's not ready for a healthy relationship. No matter how good you'd be, she would sooner or later start to act like this. So don't blame yourself or wonder what if.

Best wishes


----------



## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> And one of the worst things.... My birthday will be this saturday and had this thing planned... Oh my god... Oh my god... Everything is gone now... Ill have to carry on...


Could it be that she is planning your birthday party and involved other people including that guy? And that's why she is keeping it secret?

Please keep calm and don't rash (and don't jump to any conclusions) before you can clarify the situation.


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Aerith said:


> Could it be that she is planning your birthday party and involved other people including that guy? And that's why she is keeping it secret?
> 
> Please keep calm and don't rash (and don't jump to any conclusions) before you can clarify the situation.



No because we already have booked a hotel for our getaway on saturday since wednesday...


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Get your deposit back.


----------



## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> No because we already have booked a hotel for our getaway on saturday since wednesday...


ok, then I cannot find any innocent explanations unfortunately - and you should be prepared for the worse...


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You may not see it, through the emotions of this betrayal now, but you found out this woman was not the one you should marry. Use this as a lesson to enact healthy personal boundaries in your life. 

Do not listen to the gaslighting excuses. (we're only friends, I didn't tell bc you would be upset, you're too controlling/clingy, etc...}

Do not take blame for her lying. 

Do not take her back, she failed the long term relationship test.

She did you a favor, now you'll go out find someone better.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Aerith said:


> Could it be that she is planning your birthday party and involved other people including that guy? And that's why she is keeping it secret?


I know you said you already booked a room, but is it possible she is planning a surprise party, maybe this guy is a musician (band for the party) or sells guitars (is she buying you a new one?) etc.

I agree that on its face it doesn't look good. But there could still be an innocent explanation.

Pretend to go to work. Circle the block, sit outside and do some recon. See if anyone else shows up. If not, give it a few minutes and then go in. But be prepared. Do you have a friend to go with you as a witness? These things can get pretty ugly.


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Calimarshall said:


> Well... Hobbesthetiger.... I think i will be alone... The only thing that comes to my mind is do a video recording of everything just in case just to have my phone on my hand.... Ill just go inside ask him to leave ... Say to her that this is over... And leave...


As someone who's been in your shoes before this is really the only thing you can do to maintain your dignity. You can never compete with a new OM so don't even try. The problem isn't you, its her wanting attention from others. 

The irony is when you grab your stuff and say it's over and walk out the door it makes you 100x more desirable in her eyes. To have enough self respect to walk away from a situation like this is a very attractive quality. That being said if she begs you to take her back odds are the minute you do she'll be running back to the OM.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

IF she's cheating now, just ten months in... and this IS cheating, you have ALREADY CAUGHT her... then DUMP her.

Life just gets MORE complicated later with chlidren and mortgages.. if she cant' keep her legs closed NOW, she will not manage it later either.

Dont' date KNOWN CHEATERS.


----------



## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Time to sack up brother. You don't tell her that you don't like her hanging out with some dude that she met. You tell her she will not be hanging with the dude while in a relationship with you. That if you catch her hanging out with said dude, you will drop her like a bad habit.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Or better yet man, why don't you get this dude's address and confront HIM???

Kiss his ass, and then DUMP HER. Neither of them have any class. So, kick his ass to show your woman who is the man, and then DUMP HER.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I hope this is related to your birthday.
If it isn't drop her like a bad habit.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Aerith-your avatar is so pretty.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I know it's a bit too late for this.. but one thing that helps to find out what's going on would have been to have a VAR (voice activated recorder) hidden in the apartment when he came over. That way you could hear what they are talking about.

Some have suggested she might be planning a surprise for OP's birthday. Even if it were that, having this guy over to the apartment does not make sense. He's coming over and then they are supposed to meet other people. Why not just meet him with the others? To me this sounds like a typical situation where he guy is trying to get her when she's alone. Not cool at all.

ETA: I hope things go as well as they can for you today. Sorry this is going down.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> Thank you hobbesthetiger, ill just wait for the time and try to catch them in the act ... Ill ask her what she is doing today, she'll probably say that she will be just hanging by herself in the apartment... Ill wait for the time and when they get to the apartment even if they are not doing nothing ill just say to the guy to leave and ill say to her that we are over because she lied about been byherself and lied about this guy, i wont do anything to the guy or to the girl, ill just grab my guitar and leave.... And in a couple of days ill take all my other stuff....


 Whose name is on the lease of the apartment? If your name is on it then you don't leave because then you be in violation of the lease. 

Second of all. She's the one lying not you. If it was me, I would wait until the guy shows up, then go in and point blank ask what's going on since she lied to you. Then rather than grab your guitar, grab her suit cases and tell her to leave and if she asks why, just look her in the eye and tell her "think about it" and tell the guy to take her with him and be done with it. 

Nothing to be afraid about. She's lying to you and if that isn't bad enough she now has the nerve to invite the guy to your home. It doesn't matter if he's in the living room or the bedroom. It's your home.

You think she wouldn't be pissed if you did the same thing to you? The trust is gone and one lie will soon become two and just keep growing like a bad weed so end this now before she does more damage. At least she'll get the idea that she's now the one on the losing end. See how she likes it.


----------



## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

Sorry Cali, it has to hurt to have this happening :{ The text that she sent that she's glad she got to see him was borderline emotional involvement. That tells you she likes when he's around ,but not necessarily a dealbreaker. The fact she lied to you, i.e. told you she'd not see him and in fact is, well that's the real her isn't it ? At least be thankful your not 10 years down the road. If you read some of these other stories here on this section you'll find guys who had children with women like your GF, bought homes, did everything that a man should do. And still got this treatment. Your right to try and stop this, the OM isn't there just to be 'friends'. If he was he wouldn't be doing things with her and not having you along. Good luck and be strong.


----------



## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

Here is what I would do for tomorrow so that you dont blow it
1) You dont want to walk in on anything
2) Get video and audio in the house asap (where is weightlifter)
3) Watch the house when you are suppose to be at work
4) if the guy is in your house for more then 10 mins, then just wait for them to leave. If he really does just pick her up, then follow them to see what they do for the day
5) if they stay at your place for a while, then wait for them to leave and go in.
6) listen to the audio first. if there is any signs of them gettting it on, just turn it off. collect your **** and leave her. Only watch the video if need more data. if you think they do something, you dont want those movies runnin in your head for the rest of your life.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Calimarshall said:


> Thank you very much for all of your words, we talked and confronted her.
> She told me she loves me and she just wants to be with me.
> I think theres nothing else to do but trust her, because i really do, i think this was just something that happened and will build our relationship stronger.


Fummmmmbbbbble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. She told a friend she wasnt sure about her feelings for you.
2. She's texting another guy...a lot.
3. She was planning on meeting up with him.
4. You've only been together for 10 months.

Just NOT worth it dude.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> And one of the worst things.... My birthday will be this saturday and had this thing planned... Oh my god... Oh my god... Everything is gone now... Ill have to carry on...


who writes like this?


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

BobSimmons said:


> who writes like this?


"I'll have to carry on." I was thinking the same thing.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> who writes like this?


The band AMERICA (from the 70's) - song: I NEED YOU ?

"And now you're gone, I guess I'll carry on"


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

manfromlamancha said:


> The band AMERICA (from the 70's) - song: I NEED YOU ?
> 
> "And now you're gone, I guess I'll carry on"


:rofl: :lol:


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Or Kansas:

"Carry on my wayward son...there'll be peace when you are gone. Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more!!"


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sorry Cali. You got rejected son. It has happened to all of us. It's part of growing up and growing old. You'll hurt for a while but you will move on and learn from the experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Its over guys... Thanks for your words....


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Calimarshall said:


> Its over guys... Thanks for your words....


So what happened?


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Now go out and get yourself a birthday present.

Welcome and Orientation | Married Man Sex Life


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Calimarshall said:


> Its over guys... Thanks for your words....


Cali, how about a few details? We are all hanging in limbo here wondering what happened.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.


----------



## 305rob305 (Jun 4, 2013)

Yeah Cali! What happened??


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Its over guys... Thanks for your words....


Sorry to hear that it came to this. We are all here if you need someone to talk to now.


----------



## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

I know it's really hard, but I'm happy for you! Being alone is much better than being with someone like her! And being alone will eventually open up the possibility of being with someone with whom you will be much, much happier, without all those bad things.

Don't stop talking to us, we're here for you to help you cope!


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Ok... Well, this is what happened... This morning we talked and i confronted her saying all the things i knew about her and this guy, the way i was feeling and everything i saw on her phone. She told me she was going to the hang out withher friends and this guy so she came clear with that. She also told me that the guy was coming here and they were going to pick the other people. I told her that i didnt want them to keep in touch and that if she loved me she should cut cominication with this guy and tell him that she didnt want nothing with him. she took her phone and she wrote him a text saying she cares about our relationship more and she didnt want to jeopardize our relationship and that she'll stop talking to him, (among other stuff) after that, we kept talking about our relationship and that she knew she made a terrible mistake but she loved me and that evrything that happened was a mistake. I havent decided yet if ill stay or if ill go, i feel that maybe she now realizes how important this was for both of us and will make an effort for this our relationship, she told me she will do anything and she know it will be a long way until i trust her again but that she is willing to prove that this was just a mistake and that it 'll never happen again.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> she knew she made a terrible mistake but she loved me and that everything that happened was a mistake. I haven't decided yet if ill stay or if ill go, i feel that maybe she now realizes how important this was for both of us and will make an effort for this our relationship, she told me she will do anything and she know it will be a long way until i trust her again but that she is willing to prove that this was just a mistake and that it 'll never happen again.


Classic :

"I'll do anything..."

"It was just a mistake..."

"It will never happen again..."

You would think they took a class to get these words down with such precision... lol

I got one word for her...

BALONEY.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Ok... Well, this is what happened... This morning we talked and i confronted her saying all the things i knew about her and this guy, the way i was feeling and everything i saw on her phone. She told me she was going to the hang out withher friends and this guy so she came clear with that. She also told me that the guy was coming here and they were going to pick the other people. I told her that i didnt want them to keep in touch and that if she loved me she should cut cominication with this guy and tell him that she didnt want nothing with him. she took her phone and she wrote him a text saying she cares about our relationship more and she didnt want to jeopardize our relationship and that she'll stop talking to him, (among other stuff) after that, we kept talking about our relationship and that she knew she made a terrible mistake but she loved me and that evrything that happened was a mistake. I havent decided yet if ill stay or if ill go, i feel that maybe she now realizes how important this was for both of us and will make an effort for this our relationship, she told me she will do anything and she know it will be a long way until i trust her again but that she is willing to prove that this was just a mistake and that it 'll never happen again.


Is this her first committed relationship?

There is a good chance that she means what she said. If you choose to give her another chance then there are things that the two of you can do to make your relationship stronger. Two good books for this are 

"*Surviving an Affair*" and "*His Needs, Her Needs*". They are books that both of you can read and work on together.

Another book that a lot of people here suggest is _*Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity*_ by Shirley P. Glass


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Is this her first committed relationship?
> 
> There is a good chance that she means what she said. If you choose to give her another chance then there are things that the two of you can do to make your relationship stronger. Two good books for this are
> 
> ...


Yes, this is her first real relationship, she told me she have never felt this way before for anyone, and she wants to work this out, she is commited and she'll work for my trust again, she know that it was a terrible mistake and by the way she way crying and saying all this stuff i feel that she was speaking with her heart...


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to read, MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. Here check out the reviews. The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011: Athol Kay: 9781460981733: Amazon.com: Books

Google the blog. There is a reason she is messing up. Either she is broken or she is just waiting until something better comes along.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Yes, this is her first real relationship, she told me she have never felt this way before for anyone, and she wants to work this out, she is commited and she'll work for my trust again, she know that it was a terrible mistake and by the way she way crying and saying all this stuff i feel that she was speaking with her heart...


Bless your heart. Is this your first relationship too?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Yes, this is her first real relationship, she told me she have never felt this way before for anyone, and she wants to work this out, she is commited and she'll work for my trust again, she know that it was a terrible mistake and by the way she way crying and saying all this stuff i feel that she was speaking with her heart...


I hope that you two can work this out. It sounds to me like things were just getting started with this other guy so hopefully you nipped in the bud before she got too deep into it.

The books I suggested can be very helpful.


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

What was the mistake ? 

This over friendly friendship she had with this guy ? 
Or did she cheat or intend on cheating ?


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Well, theres was no cheating, things were just starting so as elegirl said i think this was the right time for fixing this.

On the other hand @Chaparral, this is not my first relationship, i've had good and bad relationships long term and short term, i've learn from the mistakes i made. Im not a player, all i want is to have a good relationship that will lead to a good marriage and a good life, with respect, honesty and full of love understanding and commitmment, i've been hurt on some previous relationships so i do know the pain but i wont give up on love,( like stevie ray vaugh song) sounds kinda lame, but im a true believer in love.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

My point was that the crocodile tears were just sop for a wayward, cheating woman to manipulate a man and make him wilt in the face of a crying woman. She lied and schemed to be with another man. More than once. There is no way around that.


----------



## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Garrison size red flag here.

IF you decided to every marry this one, get a pre-nup signed in blood.


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

intheory said:


> @calimarshall
> -------------------
> " . . .i wont give up on love,( like stevie ray vaugh song)"
> 
> ...


Thanks thats the kind of music i play


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

I wish you all the best but......

sadly I think you will be back on this forum at a later date with more of the same. Just my own opinion 

Good luck young man


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Calimarshall said:


> Well, theres was no cheating, things were just starting so as elegirl said i think this was the right time for fixing this.
> 
> On the other hand @Chaparral, this is not my first relationship, i've had good and bad relationships long term and short term, i've learn from the mistakes i made. Im not a player, all i want is to have a good relationship that will lead to a good marriage and a good life, with respect, honesty and full of love understanding and commitmment, i've been hurt on some previous relationships so i do know the pain but i wont give up on love,( like stevie ray vaugh song) sounds kinda lame, but im a true believer in love.


I think you should be clear about this there are still questions 

what was "just starting" - exactly what? 
what were the feelings she was having about this guy? 
how long ?
when did those feeling arise?
what exactly about this does she consider to be a mistake?

I think unless you have full and truthful answers to these questions (and others) you are on dodgy ground

This has all the hallmarks of classic rugsweeping

The 'friends' of your gf that OM is connected with. Were they happy to have him along with your gf whilst knowing you did not know about this?
They do not sound like friends of your relationship to me 

Will he still be peripherally connected by these people ?

Do you see and realize how all pervading such a toxic relationship like this can be how it infiltrates all parts of your life ?

If I saw any of those friends today I'd view them with rank suspicion. Again just my old wised up vet experience talking here


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Be prepared to act decisively..............including when your feelings for her start to wane. Most guys just don't get over this after it all soaks in.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Be vigilant.

She may or may not be full of it.

Next strike and she's out.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Headspin said:


> I think you should be clear about this there are still questions
> 
> *what was "just starting" - exactly what?*
> *what were the feelings she was having about this guy?
> ...


:iagree:


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Nope. Dump and move on. Period. 


This is an easy choice bro. 


You're very young, but not too young. 


Meaning, as a man hits his mid to late 20's it's time to think about perhaps finding a woman with the qualities of a wife and good mother. 


Having poor boundaries, being excessively flirty, and craving male attention ARE NOT GOOD QUALTIES OF A WIFE/LIFE MATE. 

I hope you get the point here. 

Dump. Dump. Dump. 



Dump her bro, like yesterday.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> Yes, this is her first real relationship, she told me she have never felt this way before for anyone, and she wants to work this out, she is commited and she'll work for my trust again, she know that it was a terrible mistake and by the way she way crying and saying all this stuff i feel that she was speaking with her heart...


 Well I hope things work out for you but, and there's always a but.

Before you go 100% total commitment on her, just remember that if she can so easily be swayed into being interested in another guy while being with you, isn't a good sign on her part. 

If it was me, I wouldn't be fully convinced. I think that maybe she isn't ready to commit to a serious relationship. 

She knew what she was doing and didn't think that you would notice. I just hope that she doesn't try to find another way to do this again unnoticed. Keep your eyes and ears open.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Yes, we live together, im going to work , and the guy will meet her in our place to pick up more people because they are going to a hang out with more people , but the guy is coming here after i leave work,...


OMG!!!! Hell no.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Aerith-your avatar is so pretty.


And yours is scrumptious.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Calimarshall said:


> Ok... Well, this is what happened... This morning we talked and i confronted her saying all the things i knew about her and this guy, the way i was feeling and everything i saw on her phone. She told me she was going to the hang out withher friends and this guy so she came clear with that. She also told me that the guy was coming here and they were going to pick the other people. I told her that i didnt want them to keep in touch and that if she loved me she should cut cominication with this guy and tell him that she didnt want nothing with him. she took her phone and she wrote him a text saying she cares about our relationship more and she didnt want to jeopardize our relationship and that she'll stop talking to him, (among other stuff) after that, we kept talking about our relationship and that she knew she made a terrible mistake but she loved me and that evrything that happened was a mistake. I havent decided yet if ill stay or if ill go, i feel that maybe she now realizes how important this was for both of us and will make an effort for this our relationship, she told me she will do anything and she know it will be a long way until i trust her again but that she is willing to prove that this was just a mistake and that it 'll never happen again.


Horrible mistake? Ok so very likely more than texting. Could be more to this. Or not. Keep your radar up. Does she know now how you found out?


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Well... Things have been good so far... But ... Should i worry?


----------



## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> Well... Things have been good so far... But ... Should i worry?


She's spending energy on another man. Yes, you should worry. I think you should keep your distance from her and perhaps consider trying to date other people (tell her that, of course). She's clearly not ready to commit to you and has a clear attraction to the other guy.

You're only in your 20s. Why start off badly? There is too much risk of things going sour. Don't do it!


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Omego said:


> She's spending energy on another man. Yes, you should worry. I think you should keep your distance from her and perhaps consider trying to date other people (tell her that, of course). She's clearly not ready to commit to you and has a clear attraction to the other guy.
> 
> You're only in your 20s. Why start off badly? There is too much risk of things going sour. Don't do it!


She's not talking to that guy anymore, we made it clear what was going on. I can feel she's trying to work this out.


----------



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

*to make this work out.


----------



## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Calimarshall said:


> She's not talking to that guy anymore, we made it clear what was going on. I can feel she's trying to work this out.


You'll have to do what you feel is best, but at this stage in your relationship you shouldn't be trying to work anything out. She should be completely invested in you and not even thinking about any other guy...

I guess you are really in love with her and want to believe she feels the same way.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Calimarshall said:


> Well... Things have been good so far... But ... Should i worry?


Yes, you should worry if you intend to marry this woman. Unless you understand the reasons that let it happen, and address them. 

Here, learn how... be the leader and make it worth it for both of you...

Welcome and Orientation | Married Man Sex Life

Home | The 5 Love Languages®

Get the books, lead the way...

Good luck


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Earlier you said it was over... not you're saying it's not over yet??

How old is she exactly?

Her being in the early 20s and you being in your late 20s tells me you're at very different stages of life.
She's still very young to think about commitment and marriage [and I'm not justifying her stray] while you're more mature and know what you want out of this relationship.

Let her grow up and maybe after some years you can re-think getting back to her. Now it's not the time.

Let her go...after all she doesn't sound like the worthy type fighting for!


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Calimarshall said:


> She's not talking to that guy anymore, we made it clear what was going on. I can feel she's trying to work this out.


I'd like you to explain this ? What exactly was going on? what was she feeling about him precisely?

What about these 'friends' who were happy to see her and him together ?

What about that ? Does that not bother you ? 

You're just dismissing all this from what you say. What has she said exactly about all this ? you haven't elucidated about that?

Was she remorseful ? etc etc


----------

