# I think I'm just aweful... :(



## Serinity1980 (Oct 22, 2013)

Yesterday was my birthday and my husband had asked me what I had wanted for my birthday about a month ago. So I gave him a list of things that I would like
-Money on my Starbucks card
-$25.00 gift credit card so I could buy a pattern online that I want.
-pick one bill and pay it off (just a small one)
-a couple balls of yarn
-a nice flower garden beside our townhouse that I could plant raspberries or blueberries in
-Season 2 of Grimm
-some cheep books to read (the get rid of variety at the book store about $20-$25 worth)
I knew that we didn't have money to do anything expensive and it didn't matter to me if he just had picked one of the $20-$25 options.
He has been talking a lot about hydroponics (something he seemed really interested in)and I have just been listening to him. I had already told him in the past that I really had no interest in hydroponics at all so I didn't think much of it at all just thought he was talking (his sand castles in the sky and such).
So yesterday for my birthday he gave me this plastic hydroponics thing and I actually just opened it looked at it and I actually cried. It seemed like he had given me something that actually was for him. To me it was worse then when he pretty much ignored my birthdays.
He then proceeded to take $20 out of his wallet and threw it at me saying that he was planning on putting it on my Starbucks card it seems like an afterthought. Its still sitting on the table with the hydroponics thing I don't want it anymore . 
Now I feel just awful because he was telling me that he had spent all this time researching hydroponics and that I'm ungrateful. I have expressed disinterest in hydroponics when he came up with the idea that you could make money growing stuff that way. It just seemed like a lot of money and mess to me that I would have to deal with; because he would look after it for a week or two while it was shiny and new that I would be stuck with it.
He acted like I was horrible for not liking his gift and now I just feel like a horrible awful person because I didn't like his gift. Why would he ask me for a list of things that I would like for my birthday if he wasn't going to use it.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Sounds like there is much more going wrong with the relationship than this botched birthday present.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think gifts in a marriage are very different from other gifts. In a marriage you are typically sharing resources, so giving money our buying something your partner has already said that they want doesn't make a lot of sense - they could just as well buy things for themselves if your combined budget can support it.

Its difficult to tell dumb gift ideas from being selfish.

I think that in marriage gifts should be small but romantic things. Things someone cannot get for themselves.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

No, you're not awful. You gave him a list of what you would like and he ignored it and bought something HE wanted. There were times when I would have killed for a list of things to pick from. What could be easier?

I'm not sure that I get the emotional reaction though. It must be indicative of other issues in your marriage. Couldn't you have just said that you didn't want that gift and asked him to return it and get what you asked for without the histrionics?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm so sorry. I've been the recipient of many lousy gifts (that my EX-husband wanted). I completely get it.

Leave the hydroponics for him (leave it right where it is). Scoop up that $20 bill and go get a pedicure (of course, 20 bucks won't BEGIN to pay for it all). Charge the remaining balance on HIS credit card.

It's time to pamper yourself and treat yourself well. Because he won't.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Well, he obviously read your list and remembered at least one item on it. 

However, most guys wouldn't intentionally give you something that they know you won't like. He was clearly upset that you didn't like it.

Is it possible that in all HIS excitement about hydroponics, that it didn't really register that you absolutely aren't into it? When I'm super excited about something I'm usually too busy overthinking that thing to stop and see if a SO shares my interest. A fault, yes. 

The bday gift was definitely a fail. And yes, it did involve selfishness. But I wouldn't assume that it was intentionally a fail.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Warning: When you say, "That's nice dear"....they may take it as though you are interested.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Bad call on his part. If you've expressed a disinterest in a certain topic, a birthday is not the way to try and convince you otherwise.

Every right to be upset with it. Express it as such and how he plays out his part is completely on him.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Warning: When you say, "That's nice dear"....they may take it as though you are interested.


Really? I would have to hear something much more positive than that to believe it actually was a request. I think "That's nice" translates to "I'm happy that you are excited by this". 

I guess there are people who believe that everybody should share their tastes 100%. For those folks, maybe someone's mild interest translates to utter fascination?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Is he 17?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)




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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> Warning: When you say, "That's nice dear"....they may take it as though you are interested.


Might be interested, yes. 

Should ignore bday wishlist, of course not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well, I think that you just have to let it go. You have to realize that he is a crappy gift giver. 

Would it be nice if he'd given something from the list? Yes. But you can't make people give you a gift, and you can't REALLY pick the gift. I think I'd talk to him. I'd probably apologize for crying at the gift and try to explain. I'd probably suggest to him that gift cards are the way to go in the future. 

Then I'd probably ask him to go through "The 5 Love Languages" with me, so we could gain a better understanding of what makes us happy.


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## lincolnave (Jan 24, 2011)

My Parents used to do that to each other when I was small (10 to 15yo) and knew it was a dumb then, still know it's dumb now. 

Some dumb things never grow old.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

He should have gotten something on the list. He got you a gift he wanted in hopes you would like it as well. Dumb idea as we see. Ask for the receipt for the gift. Return it and buy what you want.


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## Liam83011 (Jul 1, 2015)

so did it say in there something like 'at least it was better than when he forgot my birthdays..."?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hydroponics?

This is a male you're dating....right?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Hydroponics?
> 
> This is a male you're dating....right?


I think @MountainRunner would take issue with your comment .


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Yup. I'd be hurt. You're not awful. But go grab the 20 bucks and buy yourself something frivolous.


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

I have a friend that gave his wife a shotgun for her birthday. When she said WTF is this, he said can I have it? No lie.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I have been guilty for buying the women in my life some stupid sh!t. 

But a hydroponics kit? 

Tell me, does that come with the Official Star Trek Klingon-to-English translation manual? 

NERD ALERT!!!! NERD ALERT!!!


:bounce:


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