# Long story if you have time...IDK what to do



## onelove2010 (Sep 17, 2010)

Hello everyone this is my first time on here. I am in need of major advice. I don't know if I just runaway from my marriage or keep trying and this is why:

Just this past April I found out that my husband was having an affair with a woman at his job. This affair had been going on since September of last year. The only way I found out about it was because that woman had the guts to call me and tell me just because my husband was changing jobs and I guess she felt she no longer was going to be with him. (and let me say in all this we found out we were having a baby in November after we had tried for a year we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl just born last month. but that did not stop him) Why his reason was always that he just wanted to have sex and he could do it how he wanted since I was pregnant and it wasn't the same. How selfish is that? 

Well when she called me she told me everything that went on between them, which I could not believe my husband would ever do such a thing especially knowing the risk he was putting our child by having unprotected sex with this woman. When I confronted him he did confess to it being true but I would have never known if she had not called me. So after that he cried tears asking for forgiveness and I did forgive him because at that time he was changing jobs and I thought he would be away from her and we could concentrate on working things out...but NO he started making all kinds of excuses why he didn't like his new job and he could still go back to his old job because his supervisor gave him the chance to. I begged him not to go back to his old job because of her and he insisted he would not do that to me again that he learned his lesson. He kept stating how he was just going to work and that was it. 

Well deep down inside me I knew something was just not right So I decided to go to his job during his lunch and spy on him. And sure enough after he cried all those fake tears to me the night before he went right back to her the next day. I caught them going out to lunch and he was speechless when I went up to them. But still he cared more about being late to work and left me standing there ME his wife the one he promised under God to love and cherish for the rest of his life. 

And even after all that he still kept trying for us to keep trying and I did again I don't know why because all this time it all stayed in my mind and its something that I can't get over I can't just erase it. Everything triggers all those bad memories about him and her. I feel as if everything we have gone through was fake. I did ask what did I do wrong but he said nothing it was only for sex and she meant nothing to him, but it is something so hard to believe because she told me herself how she was in love with him. In just the 8 months they knew each other he made her fall in love. After the 8 years me and him have been together and with a baby on the way!!! So now since it all keeps coming back I can't get it out of my head and it makes me upset and I keep bringing it back to him how I just don't trust him and what is the point of us being together. But he keeps saying that he wants to make up for it all and to give him the chance and just not think back to all that. BUT I don't know how!!! 

HOW do I erase it? How do I forget how he made me feel worthless in front of that woman? HOW??? please someone help I don't know how to cope with this even after months that we have been far from that job and far from that woman, I still can't bring myself to trust him and just move on. I'm at the point where I want out just so I don't think about him doing that again to me. And when I think about wanting to make love I feel like how will I ever compare now with what he got from her because that was the reason he did all that or so he says. I don't even feel love for him at all I don't know what I feel. I'm just confused


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I would leave. It would be a no brainer for me. That type of betrayal, disregard and lack of interest in your relationship together is something I'd never be able to forgive. If I stayed my resentment would linger and I'd never be able to be happy.

You have to decide what the case is for you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through such a horrible thing especially upon the birth of your beautiful little girl. You need his support now more than ever and he's too busy fulfilling his whims and hurting you. Shame on him. I hope you eventually get all the happiness you deserve in life. Don't be afraid to go after it for the sake of yourself and your new little girl.

I know as a Mom how hard the first few months are after having a baby. Seek support and get the help you and your daughter need to make it through this tough time. If you need anything and I can provide I would be happy to just ask.


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## onelove2010 (Sep 17, 2010)

Thank you so much Trenton...I would like to leave and I say it over and over in my mind that I can do it and I tell myself just go, but for some reason I don't know I can't get myself to leave. I don't know if its just because I'm so used to being with him after all these years and no one else. I did feel so much love for him before and now I really don't feel anything just numbness. Even if its been a few months already the memories don't go away. He keeps telling me now that he doesn't even think about her or anything that has to do with what happen. He says he wants to make up for what he did even if it takes the rest of our lives. Sometimes I get really upset and say things I probably don't mean and he gets upset too, but then he comes right back to let me know he loves me no matter what and wants to keep trying to work things out. It kinda gets to me when he says those things but not really because I don't know how to trust him again. Even if he tells me all these nice things I don't know how to trust in him.

I also do think about my child how I would hate for her to grow up without a father and that does make me think about more reason to stay and work things out, But at the same time I feel stupid for staying with him. I think that he doesn't even deserve to be her father. Wow this is a life I never imagined would happen to me.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

onelove2010 said:


> Thank you so much Trenton...I would like to leave and I say it over and over in my mind that I can do it and I tell myself just go, but for some reason I don't know I can't get myself to leave. I don't know if its just because I'm so used to being with him after all these years and no one else. I did feel so much love for him before and now I really don't feel anything just numbness. Even if its been a few months already the memories don't go away. He keeps telling me now that he doesn't even think about her or anything that has to do with what happen. He says he wants to make up for what he did even if it takes the rest of our lives. Sometimes I get really upset and say things I probably don't mean and he gets upset too, but then he comes right back to let me know he loves me no matter what and wants to keep trying to work things out. It kinda gets to me when he says those things but not really because I don't know how to trust him again. Even if he tells me all these nice things I don't know how to trust in him.
> 
> I also do think about my child how I would hate for her to grow up without a father and that does make me think about more reason to stay and work things out, But at the same time I feel stupid for staying with him. I think that he doesn't even deserve to be her father. Wow this is a life I never imagined would happen to me.


Think about the man he is and how your daughter will grow up to want to find the same. Leave and find a man who is a great man and deserving of all that you have to give. This is a great way to give yourself and your daughter a wonderful gift.


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

How can you erase it? The sad truth is that you can't. even if he came to his senses and dropped the other woman, you would always wonder and think about what happened. It would haunt you for many years.

You deserve better than him... Any male can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a "Daddy". 

I agree with Trenton. You have to find your strength and walk out of that situation. You will meet someone who will love and be faithful to you, and who will also love and protect your little girl. Someone who would be thrilled to be able to have the "Daddy" role... even if she DOES call him by his first name.

take care of YOU and that BABY!


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