# What should I do!?!



## shaun1305 (Feb 24, 2013)

ok, so I've been married to my wife for almost 6 years, we have a five and 2 year old, just bought a house 9 months ago. I went on a 5 month trip for work, it was 170miles away, so i was home once/twice a month for the weekend, and 10 days for xmas. A week before i was scheduled to come home, my wife went on a trip to NC with MY mother for a business thing that my mom does, so my wife tagged along. I came home and watched the girls whist she went.

On the second day she said she met a group of guys and said she was going to go out with them for a few drinks. She tells me she didnt get back to the hotel until 3 the next morning, whatever. I had the girls ready for bed when she came home sunday, we had a good night talking and i even had the next day off. When I got to my hotel room tues night, she says we have to talk.

She says that even though she told me it was a group of guys she went out with, it was just with one guy she hung out with and she "honestly" had "feelings" but she swears she didn't do anything physically with him. She says this isnt the worst problem.

"I dont love our girls" she tells me. She says she's seriously thinking about leaving, because of the girls (she doesnt want to be a bad mother and have the girls hate their mom)

Meanwhile, shes texting this guy she met all the time (every 15 mins at minimum) and i peeked at one and he said to her "you've been on my mind beautiful". She went to a therapist and they told her to go on vacation for no less than 3 weeks! WTF.....tell me what im supposed to do someone......


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## just_about_done (Feb 6, 2013)

WOW. Man, I don't know what you should do. But, she doesn't love her kids? She's making no sense. She doesn't want to be a bad mom, so she decides to be an even worse mom? She doesnt want the kids to hate her. How does she think they'll feel about her when she leaves? 

Honestly, I think she want's to be with this other guy. Probably already has. She's using the kids as an excuse, but what kind of parent does that? That's the last thing I'd ever say about my kids, even if that were true I'd never say it.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I think in this forum, what your wife is going through is called the "fog". She is blinded right now and will say anything. Now here is the thing, its almost impossible to rationalize with a person who is in the fog. I have been through it. My wife left and when she told me she had intentions, I begged, pleaded, cried, fought, and no matter what I did, she still left.

You will not be able to change her mind right now. This may sound strange but if you want your wife back, I don't think forcing her will be the way. You need a different plan of action.

Suck it up, this will hurt, but tell her, you want to be with this man instead of me? Sure be with him. You don't want to be with me, that's fine. I love you so I am letting you go. But once you leave that door, do not call me, do not email me, because I do not want to ever hear from you again. You daughters will also not know who you are. Don't also expect me to support you, have your boyfriend do it.

Let her go because you can't stop her. When she is gone, work on fixing yourself and really do it. Get in shape, dress better and take care of your daughters. I bet it won't be long before she starts calling you back. When she does, ignore her and let her squirm. Trust me she will. There is also a good chance that you will be hit on by other women if you worked on yourself. Take advantage of it and date. Then you make the decision whether to take her back or not.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Regardless of what she's already said, smart money is on the fact that she's already been physical with this guy. Regardless, it's an affair and I'm willing to bet she doesn't "love the girls" because she now sees them as a stumbling block to her being able to carry on the affair and then take it to the next step

I'd also put money on the table that the OM doesn't like kids


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i dont see anything except that she doesnt love her kids.
in which case your kids are better off without her.
i'd drop the b!tch like she had the plague.
your kids need a parent not a toxic pseudo-mommy, so you take care of them.
and going out drinking with a group of guys? for real? um, ok.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Toffer said:


> Regardless of what she's already said, smart money is on the fact that she's already been physical with this guy. Regardless, it's an affair and I'm willing to bet she doesn't "love the girls" because she now sees them as a stumbling block to her being able to carry on the affair and then take it to the next step
> 
> I'd also put money on the table that the OM doesn't like kids


Many years ago my brother dated a young woman who had a small child. She really wanted to marry my brother. When they got serious, she mentioned that if my brother did not want to take on the responsibility of her son, she would give her parents custody. We all were floored. So, yeah, it happens. Some women do choose a man over their children. My brother stopped dating her. Smart guy.


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## shaun1305 (Feb 24, 2013)

Thank you all for your replies! I have to live day-by-day at this point. Hoping i can get through this without too many heartaches


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