# Wives! Is anxiety a reason to Divorce?



## sadhusband (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi. My wife wants me out of her life and wants a Divorce. She says I have anxiety and depression and that I am nasty to her. I am not so sure as I have not been diagnosed with it from anyone and only from her opinions. I have tried to talk to her, but she does not listen to me. She stomps her feet and insists I just listen, not talk and understand her and her feelings. I do that, but never get it in kind so I end up frustrated and upset and that comes out on her, but I don't feel I have been super nasty...
She says she is done dealing with me and will not talk to me about it anymore. She has moved on long ago she says. Her third marriage, my second. We have a child. I am so sad and upset and do not want a Divorce. I have tried to change and do for a while, then slip into old patterns and she blows up again. I have made my mistakes for sure, but don't drink, do drugs, or have affairs. I have a place now, and own my own company which is struggling in this economy, but that means I have to pay for the house and the new place... she works with me too... so we have to make that part work.. I am falling apart, but must not show it, have had suicidal thoughts from the pain in dealing with this. I can see others issues clearly but not my own. I have now been looking at internet to get some "relief" and always feel bad about it, but we stopped having sex after our baby and it became rarer until it was sexless about 1.5 years ago... now I am thrown out and don't want to make it worse so I am going along with what she wants to make it easy on the kiddo... saddest part is the child... I don't think I am a bad guy and I know I love my "wife" and kiddo, but it seems I am a goner... any advice? Ideas? Can I save this marriage when only I want to? She says she has been clear with me and keeps telling me we will never be together again, but she has said things before and not meant it or followed through... I think she means it this time and it is tearing me up inside...
Sorry... I know it is a mess and I am writing the thoughts as they come... Anyway... Any women out there that can help? I'll answer questions/entertain ideas/thoughts? 
Should I give up?
I am not sure I have anything other than situational anxiety because of all the stress at work and at home so I have no relief anywhere... she says she is sick of dealing with me being so anxious and yet I feel if she could be nice and supportive that I could get through this and we would be okay because I knew I had her support... I just don't HAVE her support is all... so I am not doing well... kind of a double edged sword....
Help? Are there wives out there that really love their husbands and will put up with things? How much is too much? Love to hear from a wife that has made it through tough times...
Just how close were you from Divorce and then still are married today?
Thanks.


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## sadhusband (Mar 23, 2009)

Worst part is I am not seeing my kiddo and trying to respect my wife's requests that she needs time away from me because i am making her "crazy".... I miss the kiddo really bad and it makes me very upset... the kiddo is 4, almost 5.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

You do have a problem. You are suicidal (a very selfish and narcissistic personality), blame her for your behavior (If she would just support you...), and only respond to pain and loss. 

Your motivation to change should not be her, or your marriage. You should seek counseling to help yourself in general. If you dont you will keep running into these problems.


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## sadhusband (Mar 23, 2009)

Huh... I don't mean to point fingers like this at my "wife". I do respond to pain and loss. Wish I could understand why. I guess I blame since this is her 3rd... but I would be no better since this is my 2nd. I would hope I was not selfish and narcissistic... I mean I try to live for others, I serve others at work and want to be a good guy. I mean no harm. I was a single dad for many years and raised two young ones alone prior to meeting her and spent all my time on them... I have been in counseling, actually 4 different ones. One told me it was just my "wife's" personality. She got mad and walked out of the session as I tried to discuss a problem and said she was through listening to me revisit unresolved problems. My last two counselors said we should not give up on the marriage, but we could never make headway. My "wife" would no longer go so I went on my own, but could not make headway... I guess I was too focused on saving the marriage and since it was failing I gave up... I got no where... I understand that I am stuck in cycle of picking "these" women... though I did not pursue them, they pursued me... I understand you say my motivation for change should be for myself, but that alone seems so selfish... I guess we all want to think we are good, nice, respectable people that can contribute and foster good relationships and marriage... maybe I am not marriage material... I wish I could save it though...
I do want to change/improve so i can feel better and love life and live normally.... and I do need to do this for myself... but why not also for my marriage and wife?.... what else am I missing in this equation then?


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## Mr Mom (Feb 10, 2009)

Dear Sadhusband,
I know you have requested a female perspective but I feel I need to post to you. I as well have had random thoughts of suicide in dealing with my current situation with my W. First thing I did was see a Dr to find out why I could not control my emotions and anxiety. (Never had these issues in the past). Im on some meds now which have curbed the very negative thoughts and have helped me deal with the more anxious situations with more clarity. It may not be for you but suicide is not the answer, you have a little one to be a father to regardless if you are with your W or not. 
I would suggest individual therapy to help with abilities to listen and converse without confrontation. What is past is past and people can change. They have to want to change. Maybe if you give your W a reason to change her mind....she will see your efforts to improve and want you again. That is the position I am in right now. W loves me but is not in love with me due to her anger with me because she feels smothered. I have given space, this past week has been OK but it's the TIME issue that is the toughest part for me. I bet for you too without seeing your little one much. 
I wish you the best.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sadhusband said:


> I do want to change/improve so i can feel better and love life and live normally.... and I do need to do this for myself... but why not also for my marriage and wife?.... what else am I missing in this equation then?


You can improve to help your marriage. there's nothing wrong with that. but the problem is when you're told your marriage isnt going to make it you revert to "ah what the hell". You may just need to decide what it is you really want in life. Do you want to love life? Do you even like being married? Maybe you need to do some soul searching and come to terms with who you are. 

Overall though, i think you have a low emotional IQ.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

n e thing can be a reason for divorce. 
the constant issues can eventually b to much to cope with, to a point where you realise you cant keep letting the same issues conquer your life for the next 20 yrs .


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