# Has any one confronted the OM in person.



## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

I know there are posts about contacting the OM via phone or email etc, and another post about violent thoughts, but has anyone actually done it in person?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I don't see why anyone would elect to do this unless they were open to physically harming him. Bad idea.

I confronted my wife's OM via email - what purpose would it serve to do this in person???


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I contacted the other woman. I went because I needed the answer to a question I didn't believe my man was being honest about. So although I wanted to punch her (she knew he was with me when they had seen each other, but according to him it had finished 1 year earlier. That was the question. If the final time really was that long ago) I had to be pleasant and nice so that she would talk to me and give me my answers. After her initial shock and attempt at being a bit*h, I had a cup of tea with her and chatted for about 20 mins. It was interesting. I would still like to punch her lights out. Now I don't need info from her I have no need to be pleasant. So I fantasise about bumping into her at a pub, buying some brown ale, and pouring it carefully over her head.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

I wish I could have at the time. But I didn't find out till years later, and he is long gone. Would have been nice to have left him in a bloody mess, with her witnessing it. Then I would have just let him have her. It would have been nice to dish out just a little of the pain, that I got to experience when I found out about everything. I really regret not having the chance to meet him.


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

Twice. Many years ago I met in a public place with one of the men my first wife cheated with. He said he was very sorry. Meeting wasn't my idea. He begged me to not tell his wife. 22 years later they are still together. I don't regret speaking with him. It helped me realize that the person who betrayed me was the wife and not him.

This time around, I wound up unconscious, concussion and injuries, inpatient in hospital. It helped snap my wife out of the fog. She kept saying, I can't believe he could do this. She stopped all contact. He actually tried to contact her twice in the past two and one half years through a friend and she refused and told me. 

If there is no contact, I think it's best to not speak with the OM/OW. Disclosing or not disclosing to their partners is a whole other question. 

There is another kind of indirect contact. My wife flirts and has had EAs with two guys that I know of in the past recovery period. I said to her, you know, I've learned my lesson. If I so much as thought a guy was actively and repeatedly hitting on you, I'd have to find someone to break his kneecaps and cut off his D-----. The very next day, the one guy called and spoke with her, and that was the last time they ever spoke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

JustWaiting said:


> Twice. Many years ago I met in a public place with one of the men my first wife cheated with. He said he was very sorry. Meeting wasn't my idea. He begged me to not tell his wife. 22 years later they are still together. I don't regret speaking with him. It helped me realize that the person who betrayed me was the wife and not him.
> 
> This time around, I wound up unconscious, concussion and injuries, inpatient in hospital. It helped snap my wife out of the fog. She kept saying, I can't believe he could do this. She stopped all contact. He actually tried to contact her twice in the past two and one half years through a friend and she refused and told me.
> 
> ...


So your wife has cheated 4 times?


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

First wife, past tense, cheated a lot. Done, over, long gone. This wife, several times, counseling, moving out, working hard at trying to be together. Long story for later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I did. My wife had an EA (could have been PA but never confirmed). I confronted as soon as I found out who he was. Told him that he was never to attempt contact again. I also told him that I would be confronting her latter that day to make a choice. I told him if she refused to give him up then I hoped they would be happy together because I would be divorcing her.

He was single and ten years younger than her. They met at the gym.

I don't think he ever called again. I started showing up at the gym unexpected and never saw him again.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Yes, many years ago, it was my first wife's OM. My friends informed me of the place my XWW was meeting OM: a canteen across the street fro m our university. So my friends and I sat in the back waiting for them to show up. For some reason my XWW didn't show up yet, but OM did. His eyes went wide when he saw me, and before I could get up out of my seat, he turned and ran. We laughed. But truthfully, if I had gotten my hands on him, he was gonna get a big time beat down. This was in the 80s and in another country, and I would have had plenty of help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

JustWaiting said:


> This time around, I wound up unconscious, concussion and injuries, inpatient in hospital. It helped snap my wife out of the fog. She kept saying, I can't believe he could do this. She stopped all contact. He actually tried to contact her twice in the past two and one half years through a friend and she refused and told me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You got beat up? Is this the first wife or the second?


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

Yes, second. One of the kids walked in and saw me on the floor and thought I was dead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Yep. I'd hear that my WW had broken NC so I drove around to his house, banged on his door and was suprised to see his mother standing before me!
He's 34 and still lives with his mam.
Behind his mam stood the OM, wide eyed like a rabbit in headlights. I told him (with some unprintable words) to stay away from my family and that should I see him, I'll settle the account then.
Did it make me feel better? No. 
Rather I then developed a sinking feeling that, had his mother not been there, I may have took my hands to him and I'd be in a police van - the only stable parent of my children would have been arrested.
It was a silly thing to do, and I hope that I don't bump into him for the above reasons.
He's a dropout, scruffy, gambling, drinking and pill dropping smacktard who doesn't warrant any further thought time or head space from me.
He's also an ex sex offender who, if he went anywhere near my kids anyhow, would be arrested and sent to prison.
When my WW found out about the last bit, she was a lot shocked to say the least.
I, however, wasn't suprised.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

The OM was wifes ex bf from high school,after I broke up the EA and started R,OM started textingme at work telling me he was on his way to my house because I got in his business,I told wife to get kids and get out,on the way home he keep texting me saying he was almost at my house.
I get home,no OM,he then text me saying hes at a park near our house,he challenges me to a fight.
I went to the park looking for him,I saw a white work truck burn rubber and leave,I didnt make the connection then but it was him getting the hell out.
He had seen my pic on fb and told my wife I looked like I've never been in a fight,I've been a steel worker for twenty years,I have five sisters I'm the only boy,my sisters have had some abusive husband and boyfriens so I had many fights,I did lose one when I got hit in the head with a 2x4.The Om has been quiet since,I know people say to leave it alone but I wont,our paths will cross again.
I did pull some strings and had his vacume truck company baned from my plant and I'm pretty sure I got him fired also,his company cell phone no longer works.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

calvin said:


> The OM was wifes ex bf from high school,after I broke up the EA and started R,OM started textingme at work telling me he was on his way to my house because I got in his business,I told wife to get kids and get out,on the way home he keep texting me saying he was almost at my house.
> I get home,no OM,he then text me saying hes at a park near our house,he challenges me to a fight.
> I went to the park looking for him,I saw a white work truck burn rubber and leave,I didnt make the connection then but it was him getting the hell out.
> He had seen my pic on fb and told my wife I looked like I've never been in a fight,I've been a steel worker for twenty years,I have five sisters I'm the only boy,my sisters have had some abusive husband and boyfriens so I had many fights,I did lose one when I got hit in the head with a 2x4.The Om has been quiet since,I know people say to leave it alone but I wont,our paths will cross again.
> ...


Thats what I'm talking about. No fear.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

One thing I do worry about is if we accidentally see each other somewhere. He lives about 50 miles away but in the same metro area. We never have run into him by accident once in 20 years, but who knows, it could happen. I have no idea what I would do - but it definitely wouldn't be a pleasant exchange. I don't think either of us wants that situation to occur.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

calvin said:


> The OM was wifes ex bf from high school,after I broke up the EA and started R,OM started textingme at work telling me he was on his way to my house because I got in his business,I told wife to get kids and get out,on the way home he keep texting me saying he was almost at my house.
> I get home,no OM,he then text me saying hes at a park near our house,he challenges me to a fight.
> I went to the park looking for him,I saw a white work truck burn rubber and leave,I didnt make the connection then but it was him getting the hell out.
> He had seen my pic on fb and told my wife I looked like I've never been in a fight,I've been a steel worker for twenty years,I have five sisters I'm the only boy,my sisters have had some abusive husband and boyfriens so I had many fights,I did lose one when I got hit in the head with a 2x4.The Om has been quiet since,I know people say to leave it alone but I wont,our paths will cross again.
> ...


Calvin, I'm buyin you a beer someday!!!

I actually drove to POSOM work, was in the parking lot and called him (thought it had gone P/A,turns out I was wrong,confirmed later on) started freakin out on the phone, saying so your effeing my wife now!!! etc etc, and he was all no sir,sorry sir, sir this sir that, just enraging me even more...So I get out of car and start across the lot and I could see it & play out in my mind, I was going to walk in his office and beat the ever lovin **** outta him,what punches I was goinna throw,jabs,gut punches,break his nose and go for a knockout uppercut etc...I think I would have a good chance of takin on King Kong..lol..

So my phone rings, its my dad (former cop) and he talks me down, jail time, the whole nine yards, and tells me just bide my time and when I do see him, make sure he throws first punch and then done deal....
The day is coming sooner or later and he knows it, For some crazy ass reason I want my wife to see it happen???


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

strugglinghusband said:


> Calvin, I'm buyin you a beer someday!!!
> 
> I actually drove to POSOM work, was in the parking lot and called him (thought it had gone P/A,turns out I was wrong,confirmed later on) started freakin out on the phone, saying so your effeing my wife now!!! etc etc, and he was all no sir,sorry sir, sir this sir that, just enraging me even more...So I get out of car and start across the lot and I could see it & play out in my mind, I was going to walk in his office and beat the ever lovin **** outta him,what punches I was goinna throw,jabs,gut punches,break his nose and go for a knockout uppercut etc...I think I would have a good chance of takin on King Kong..lol..
> 
> ...


I would have let it go but his threats to come to my home was a game changer,yes I'm sure it was all sh!t talk on his part but you never,never make a threat like that.I understand to a point about letting it go.I still wont,many have tried to talk me out of it.You talk enought [email protected] to someone they will take the first swing then its all self defense
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

...but his threats to come to my home was a game changer,yes I'm sure it was all sh!t talk on his part but you never,never make a threat like that

I can totally understand that. He slapped the gauntlet on you.
You do realise that your exchange will probably never happen. It wasn't probably s**t talk.
It was PURELY s**t talk. Bigging himself some and now he's started something that he can't back up and won't want to.
I'm only five and a half feet tall, but I was like a rabid hamster with vampire teeth when I went to OM house.
I laugh now, thinking how he hid behind his mother.
You do right in getting him to throw the first punch though - clears you from assault.
Your problem is getting him to stay in one place while you try to rile him up.


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