# I have to move forward one way or the other



## ridel1171 (Oct 21, 2012)

My husband of 17 years is having an emotional affair. He admitted it three weeks ago and says he loves the woman. Our marriage suffered from lack of communication for years. After reading about emotional affairs I understand why he turned to this woman (who is only recently split from her husband) and that he is probably in the "fog" - thinking he's in love when it's probably just fantasy.

However when I told him to go ahead have a relationship with her to find out if this is real or fantasy he baulked. He says he's not ready to have a relationship with her yet but at the same time won't walk away from her to try and fix our relationship. He works with her and has contact via text outside of hours. 

I would like to try again with our marriage if he was 100% committed to it, but every day he doesn't make this commitment to me I want to a little less.

Living together (with our two kids 8 & 13) is becoming unbearable for me. The stress of putting on a brave face for the kids is taking it's toll.

I wanted him to stay at home for as long as possible for the kids but have realised that's not in my best interests mental health wise. 

I've decided to tell him that after Christmas, if he still has feeling for her and doesn't want to commit to our marriage, then I want him to move out. That way I'll have a month at home with the kids (they will be on school holidays) to get them through the adjustment.

Everything I read says to give him time and not put pressure on him, but I just can't face the prospect of much more of this. Has anyone been through something similar ie. partner admits to an emotional affair but isn't sorry about it?


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

He 'loves' her and it's only an EA? 

Are you sure it hasn't progressed to a PA?


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## ridel1171 (Oct 21, 2012)

I don't think so - if only because of lack of opportunity.

She lives with her elderly parents with her two young kids on the other side of town.

He is home every night and on weekends. He rarely goes out and we only have one car & work in the same building so drive to and from work together.

I control our money so I'd know if there were any suspect charges for hotels.

He said he wanted to kiss her but felt sick about the deceit so confessed to me instead. 

He'd convinced himself our marriage was over. It's the sterotypical "she makes me laugh like no one else ever has." 

I'm just not prepared to wait in limbo. I'm the kind of person who needs a plan of action. It's black and white for me but every shade inbetween for him.

I just think it's okay for him. He's a guy and but I'm a 41 year old woman whose best physical days are long behind me. Moving on and finding someone else to share my life with is going to be really hard at my age and I don't want to waste time waiting for him to decide if I'm worth it.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

ridel1171 said:


> Everything I read says to give him time and not put pressure on him, but I just can't face the prospect of much more of this. Has anyone been through something similar ie. partner admits to an emotional affair but isn't sorry about it?


Where did you read that crap?!? You've had a month now to see just how well that works. I'm glad you finally posted in the CWI forum. You'll get some good advice there. Harsh, blunt, but hard won through experience advice from people who have been through it, on both sides, and want to help others avoid the pain they've been through.


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