# Please help me......



## erickk (Feb 19, 2012)

I found out my wife is cheating on me...... We have been together since 9th grade in high school. We are both now in our upper twenties. We split up for about a year after high school and she ended up getting pregnant with some one else. We got back together when she was about 5 months pregnant and after her son was born, I took him as my own (since the father is not in the picture). I have come to love him as my own and love him more than words can say. I teach him about the world and he calls me dad....he is turning 4 soon. I recently found out my wife is cheating on me...after some suspicious behavior, I read her texts which confirmed that she was in fact cheating. I am so depressed right now. I have never been good at dealing with sorrow. I tried to hang myself last night but stopped when I looked at the picture of our son on the wall. I have been sneaking into the bathroom tonight to cry so as not to let my son see. I feel so lost. If I leave her, I will also loose my son as he is technically not my biological son and have no rights. And I still love her...even if she doesn't love me anymore.....Someone please help....I need some words or something...please.....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are not alone here and this is not the end off the world. No matter what happens you can always be in your sons life, so make the effort and adobt him.

As far as your wife goes, have you confronted her?


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

I dont think she ever loved you. She got pregnant by some loser who wants nothing to do with her and who did she crawl back to? You, the only person who actually cares about her. You spent the next 4 years raising her child and all the while how does she repay you for taking care of and loving her/her son? She cheats on you.

Get a divorce. She isnt going to change, Even if you want her to. Also you are a young guy. You have a great chance here to rebuild your life and actually find someone who loves you. Stop wasting your time on her and find someone better.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

eric, sorry you're going through this. I'm sure this is going to be said but you should've left when she cheated and got pregnant by another guy. Not only is it obvious that she wouldn't be relationship material but also, it would've saved you all the pain from detaching yourself from her son. It isn't enough that she cheated on you despite you being there for her when the kid's dad bailed? how can you love someone like that? 

Don't try to kill yourself, that will solve nothing and you're essentially ending your life for a piece of sh!t. As bad as it hurts you need to leave. You're in your 20s and have plenty of time to find a loyal woman and raise children that are biologically yours.


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## jourdepaye (Jan 28, 2012)

Erickk,
My heart goes out to you. I am so glad that you reconsidered and didn't commit suicide, for the sake of your son. And he is your son. Biology is only a fraction of what constitutes parenthood.

You should talk to your wife about this affair. Figure out where you are at as a couple - be honest and open with each other. Seek counselling for yourself no matter what you decide as a couple - attempted suicide is serious and you need professional help.

You are young. Pick yourself up, make some choices and get on with life. You are a good man and father and deserve more.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It takes a man to be a father to a child. It takes an even greater man to be a father to a child who is not his. That's what you are. 

Your wife oes not understand this, nor does she care. She is immoral, depraved and selfish. You are her meal ticket, fallback and babysitter.

Divorce her and hire the meanest lawyer you can to expose her vile behavior to the world and gain custody of the child.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hi Eric.
Don't feel too bad that you got to the point of considering suicide. Many of us have been through that moment and like many of us it passed. It really is the most selfish thing you can do. Don't go there again. 

Have you talked to her about it? 
The one thing you musn't do is try and ignore it. This is soul destroying.
In a calm way ask her " How long have you been cheating on me?" 
If she gets angry, defensive or does the sneer then say no more. Her mind is made up.

You must start putting your self first, regardless of what happens next. Starting now. As others have said you should probably get some professional help. 

Many of us have done that too!

We do understand your pain and I can only say that it will lessen with time. 
You tried to do the right thing but sometimes you just have to give up. Admit defeat and move on. 
Your young and I can guarantee that there is a woman out there that will truly value you.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

1. See a lawyer immediately
2. Get tested for STD's
3. Expose this to her family and friends.
4. Expose this to the OM's significant other.

Ask yourself why would you wish to continue to love a person who treats you like trash? She has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Ask yourself why would you even consider taking your life over a woman like this? Clearly she would not do the same if the roles were reversed. Open your eyes. She is so not worth it. Good luck.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I'm sorry you are here. We all understand that you feel destroyed, we've all been there at some point in time. I know in the beginning it was hard for me to accept and deal with. One thing I can tell you from my experience is to focus on the child. That child needs you more than you know and you need that child just as much as he needs you. At this time in your life focus is one of the hardest things to do, but let that little boy help you and you will also be helping him. Focusing on the child isn't the answer to all your problems but having the child to focus on will allow you to express love to him and recieve love from him. In the beginning of these nightmares we face, love is hard to find but that child loves you, don't forget that!


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

erickk
you need to take a look at my story. we have similar themes...i don't know how to link it, but search "started the paperwork"


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey erik------suicide is not a solution, and you know it---I am sure you have parents, and siblings, and friends, that want you here till you are well into your golden years

More than likely, your wife did not get enuff time to sow her wild oats, and play the dating scene, since she has been with you or the one other guy, from H S on

Your son, much as you may not wanna hear this---IS NOT A REASON FOR YOU TO LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN MISERY

What has happened so far---have you confronted, if so where do things stand

If not, you need to, to keep your self from a mental collapse

You have to stay strong for yourself---decide what you want to do, decide how you might be willing to spend the rest of your life

Remember, son or not---he is the product of her giving herself to another man---she is doing it again, so you will probably never trust her---so why go on with this farce of a mge.

But before anything goes any further, you need to tell us what is going on with your situation, so we can all know how to give you good/correct advice.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

crazyconfused said:


> erickk
> you need to take a look at my story. we have similar themes...i don't know how to link it, but search "started the paperwork"



http://talkaboutmarriage.com/search.php?searchid=2174134


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I`m kinda shocked at the advice in this thread.

OP you have two options ..

1: Attempt to reconcile with your wife and keep your family together.

2: Divorce her and most likely never see the boy again.

Have you confronted her about the texts that you found?

What is the content of the texts? Is it a physical affair?

Who is the other man?

How old are both of you?


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## erickk (Feb 19, 2012)

Thanks everybody for those words and advice. It means a lot to me and has given me a little bit more strength. There is a saying that "The heart is like a vase. If it breaks, you can always glue it back together...but if it breaks again, and again and again, it becomes more and more difficult to try and find every piece and where it goes, thus eventually becoming impossible. 

"Crazy Confused"- Thanks. You have helped me to realize that suffering is universal, and am not the only person dealing with this, even though It feels like it. 

To answer the other ?- I am currently 26 and she is 27. I am afraid to leave for many reasons, mainly because I cannot seem to muster up the courage to, and secondly....it is so hard to know when you need to walk away from everything you've ever loved. 

I have confronted her and she has apologized sincerely (i guess)....but I keep having images flash in my head and I break down every time. I haven't gotten more than 3 hours sleep in the past two days as I wake up crying from my dreams and cannot get myself to fall back asleep. 

I haven't asked her the extent of her affair as I am afraid of answer and mostly the pain it will cause me.....

Anyway, thanks to each and every one of you. You have gave me some resolve to try and see this through...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Erickk, are you thinking of killing yourself? If you are, go to your nearest E.R. and tell them what you are going through and what you are thinking of doing.

You need to take care of yourself. The only thing you can control is yourself.

This forum is great but we can only help you if you stay alive and we want you alive.

If nothing more call 1- 800-273-8255. It is the National Suicide Hotline, they will give you some advice.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

This pain you are going through most of us here have felt. The lack of sleep, the mind movies. You need to take some steps and they are hard.
1. go see a doctor, check for STDS, your lack of sleep, and I assume you are not eating. (Take care of yourself for the boy, I am the Father of a child that is not mine as well. I love her with every fiber of my being)
2. go see a counsler as soon as you can the next step is anger and you will need some help
3. expose the affair to your wifes family and the POSM's family and now
4. See a lawyer. You have been the support for your son and I am sure you have some rights but you need to find out what they are fast.
5. If you want to R and so does your wife yoiu need a no contact letter asafp, passwords for emails, ect.

The next few weeks are going to be hard and you are going to run a range of emotions that is normal. Try you best to keep your cool. If you have some close buddies talk with them, if you have a minster talk with them and soon. 

Take care of yourself. These people here on this board will be very supportive.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Go to your doctor. Unfortunately, they see this a lot. He can give you some meds to help get you over the worst of it.


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

Your very welcome. Keep pushing through. No one is worth losing yourself over. This is life testing you. Beat this. You are most certainly capable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Erickk I'm sorry you are going through this hell on earth of your wife's design.

I too am reeling from my wife's affair and my doctor prescribed Zoloft to me last Friday. It's only been five days and I'm already feeling much better. I don't have the severe mood dips and swings like I was having up until last week. Zoloft is a mild antidepressent that won't make you wig out or cause bad side effects. Go to a doctor and see about getting some. 

Again, go see a lawyer and at least learn what your parental rights are and the options you have if you decide to divorce that nasty, lowlife, scuzzbucket, piece of trash, so-called-wife of yours.

Good luck and know we are with you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep see a doctor. He/she will mos likely give you something to help you cope.

As for your son, see an attorney about getting paternal rights. Where you married when your son was born? If you were, you are his legal father. All children born in a marriage are assumed to be the husband's children by the law.

But see an attorney and make sure you do what is necessary to paternal rights established. In some states, if you have been married to his mother and supporting him and have established a father/son relationship with him the court will see it as in his best interest for you to get paternal rights.

If all else fails, adopt him... make that one of the conditions
you need to stay in this marriage.

Even if you stay in the marriage you should take care of establishing your paternal rights.


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