# The Mother in Law is driving me insane!!



## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

About a month and a half ago, my MIL called and kept pushing for a visit. I told her it was not a good time as I was planning on having surgery and the date had not been set and I would have a six to eight week recovery time. So she calls again and says that I will come and stay a week with you and a week with my other son. The very next day she calls and says it will be ten days. Then she calls my BIL and schedules it for twelve days here and twelve days his house.

So I tell her she needs to come here first as we have plans later in the month and because she is legally blind and like to act as if she is completely blind,I prefer not to take her with. She throws tantrums,runs me into polls on purpose, takes her cane and hits me or tries to trip me. I have been extremely quiet about it and just usually deal with it out of repect that she is my husbands mom and he is aware of what she does.

This week was the last straw. I got home Friday from the hospital and she shows up Monday night. She gets miffed when I put her in my daughter's room as she gets up several times at night to go to the bathroom. The last time she came she kept hitting(slamming it) against the furniture,making the dogs bark and waking my hubby up who was working. The very next morning she sits on the couch and gives me her breakfast order and wants her coffee. Lunch is the same way everyday.

I have made dinner everynight and she informs me she wants to go out to eat. I state I do not feel like going anywhere as my meds make me sick and I don't want to be far from the house. She hounds me all week to take her shopping and to go eat. I say no. Hubby talks to his Aunt and she says to keep my foot down and tell her NO! I have all week. Yesterday, we go to get groceries down the street. She keeps running the cart into me, grabbing things off the shelf,complaining I did not go to the store of her choice. I go up to pay and she refuses to move so I can slide my card. She wants to know how much I spent. The cashier says, you saved 90.00! As I am a couponer. MIL speaks up and goes the sad part is that she spent 135.00 to save the 90.00..WTH? She hasn't complained about her meal orders and I think that is pretty good for a family of four.

Last night, I end up doing ours and her laundry and dinner and I couldn't eat what I made them for dinner cause of the spices. After she eats, she gets up from the table and goes outside leaving me the clean up. I give the hubby a do you realize how hard this is for me conversation and he says yea but we just got to do it till next Friday and we are done. That helped. He goes outside and I finally got to eat dinner at 8:30 at night. I went to bed and left them.

She gets up this morning and informs me that I live a resort type of life. Yea, it must seem that way when food is served to you, you don't clean up after yourself,and I am doing your laundry. I kept my mouth shut. Then she proceeds to tell my daughter how hard the hubby works and how he single handedly remodeled the entire house. I have helped hubby on every single project in this house. She tells my daughter that my hubby is underappreciated. He works hard so we can sit around like this. HELLO, I just had surgery! I don't sit down on my behind like this every day! Then she starts in on how bored she is and how she is not used to lying about and doing nothing productive all day. I finally say,look I told you before you came what it was going to be like. She says,yea,but my plans were made long ago. A month and half ago!! Then as I just sat down and started eating, I didn't offer to go get her second cup of coffee. She goes right in and gets it,no prob. I then get dressed and go outside and when I come in she had poured coffee all over the counter. Oh,see I am not good at pouring coffee....I have the same coffee pot she does at home! I get to clean the mess up. She also informs me that her two boys and her will be going to dinner by themselves after she gets to my BIL's house. I know she planned that to get away from my SIL cause she hates her. I say no, you will be doing that the night your going over to BILs as then my hubby does not have to drive you all the way there. She gets all ticked off.

I feel she manipulated the longer visit, she plays at not being able to see a thing but can swim the entire length of the pool without even hitting a side and can even get in without the use of her cane. I am feeling ok and probably could tolerate one shopping trip but I feel like I have been played for so long, I do not have any intention of taking her anywhere after this morning. She can sit here all next week and maybe she will think twice before manipulating me again. What do you think? Am I wrong? Or. Should I just keep my mouth shut and bide my time?
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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

No, you should tell your husband that he can babysit his Mom. Tell him that if she is going to ***** and complain during her visit, that you are going to your sister's (or anyone else's) house for the duration of her stay.
She is not your Mother. Make hubby take care of his own family.

My Mother has convinced herself that she was such an awesome Mom when we were growing up that she deserves to be waited on hand and foot. My Mom was not the parent that she has convinced herself that she was. I refuse to to cater to her and have told her that. I also refuse to have her visit when I am out of town. She is not my wife's responsibility.
There is no disrespect in the truth and there is nothing wrong with demanding that anyone, even family, respect you and your home.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Thanks DanF. I am not sure if it because I am tired and meds or if I am overreacting. Normally I can deal with the stupid behavior. She is not as blind as she let's on. Today has just taken the cake with the insinuations that I am "lying around". My hubby has been working and can't take off as we are going home for Christmas. He is taking her all day Sunday and he will be home Monday so that should take the preasure off. I can't stand her telling my daughter that her dad has to work this hard so we can lie around like we did all this week.

Breakfast has been either a frozen breakfast sandwich/coffee,but lunch is usually left overs from dinner. I am not talking take out because she announced we can only have dinner out one time. I have made baked spahgetti, a roast with trimmings, smoked sausage with spicy rice, and pork loin. So I hardly feel she can say I have not made an effort. I am tired and sore and she does stuff like the coffee incident. I know this is a game as two years ago I invited her to go on a two week vacation to spend time with the grandkids. She wantedme to wait on her and I was dealing with two special needs kids. After the fourth day of her criticizing my coffee, I said I put everything out for you in the morning so you can make your own coffee. She poured an entire poton the counter and floor. My husband cleaned it up. The second week my husband had to leave for work and she she spilled it the same day he left,all over the place. I kept playing cards with the kids and ignored her so she took all the white towels I had just washed and wiped the coffee up.

I am determined once she leaves here next Friday,my hubby is not going to be meeting her nor will she be coming back here cause she can't stand the SIL. THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM. How am igoing to make it until next Friday???
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## queenb13 (Jul 2, 2011)

I think you should talk to your husband and share your concerns with him. Its his mother and he needs to set boundaries. Tell him how upsetting it is for you without making him feel as he if he has to choose, As far as your daughter, Kids are off limits. You as her mother have the right to tell her not to discuss such topics with your child. The breakfast and lunch orders should be ignored by you. She is in your house, if you feel like cooking, do it, if you do not, then don't. Please remember the woman you are and how you cope with problems sets an example for your children. Be respectful, however you deserve respect too.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You have taken to much crap from this woman. You are to kind, and nice. Your husband should say something. This woman is uncaring. You had surgery, and she treats you this way, and your husband allows it.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Thanks guys. It feels good to have my feelings validated. My husband is well aware of her antics as she was like this as he grew up. He has taken the lead more than in the past. He yelled at his brother for making the reservations for the flight that long. His brother doesn't care, as it did not ruin his schedule. He has an apartment above his garage and I think he plans to stick her there when she goes there on Friday. I do not have that option.

Hubby has been helping when he is here,but it when he works 7am to 6.it does not help. Today he took her out for the day to give me a break and they were going out for dinner. He calls me and informs me that she was upset as she could not see the exhibits he took her to and that she got overheated and says she is too wek to walk. I gave him instrustions and he texts me that she stayed so long in the bathroom they missed the show and she came out and insisted they leave. He got her to the parking lot and she proceeded. To vomit in the parking lot and then in his car. Then she insisited they go to Olive Garden for dinner. Does that not seem odd that you would get over heated and want a heavy italian meal??? I text that to my hubby and he says she ordered pizza. That does not even add up!

So now they are home and he has cleaned the car and she is all about telling me. How my orange juice. That I had served this morning soured her stomach and it was the cause of all hher problems. I guess the quantity of the waffle and fruit salad she ate.ugh.

Last night I cried from just being tired and hubby feels horrible. He is at a loss as to what to do. He promised that next year he will tell her not to come. I realize she is very lonely and wants to see the grandkids, but why be mean about it and play stupid games. I refuse to take her shopping and plan on sticking to the house the rest of this week. Just for the principle of it. I know I just have no respect for the woman and I just don't want to feel like I am feeling this way cause she is the big bad in law and that what she is doing is unacceptable behavior.
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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Ok, so here goes my frustration yet again. MIL has gotten very rude and when I won't do something she will wait until one of my kids goes by and ask them to do it. Hubby has gotten snotty with her and made remarks but she finds it all to be a big fat joke. He called his aunt and told her,hoping she couldtell her to knock the crud off,but instead the aunt yelled at him about how negative we all are being and we have to realize she has a hard time being blind. My husband pointed out that notonly did she vomit all in his car,use me as her maid and cook,she is also using the kids and he did not feel he was negative.

So I had to go to a meeting last night and didn't want her to go with. So we made an excuse that morning I was meeting an old friend from out of town. As soon as I told her, she says well what are you fixing us for dinner before you leave as we already went out? Mind you it was my son and hubby not all of us. Anyway, I stuck a roast in the crock pot,made some mashed potatoes and bid her goodbye. She says before. You go you mentioned to hubby you had a coupon for the ice cream place,I think I will take them tonight so leave the coupon. I hardly ever get these coupons and I sure was not letting her have it! Then she tells me I need to go through my coupons because she is taking her boys out Friday and wants one for a resturant close to where they are meeting. The woman is loaded and hasn't offered to do anything! So I get home and she proceeds to tell me that when she gets to BIL's house she already told him that they need to go shopping and she will fix him some meals(SIL does not cook). All I can think about is you are kidding me?I am recovering from major surgery and not have you offered to make my family any meals, I have been the one doing her laundry and serving her meals and I got nothing! So I say to her in a serious tone, ya know, I am recovering from major surgery, I have cooked, cleaned up after you,and fixed you good meals and I notice that you seem to only offer to pay for anything when I am unable to go, you do realize this will be your last visit to this resort.

She laughs! It is all a joke. Then she calls the aunt and laughs and tells her. I don'tthink either one of them find this an imposition on me at all. So since I have made the remark to her, she keeps making jokes about howi run a great resort and have been a good maid. Hubby told her to stop but now he isn't home and I get to deal with her so she just keeps doing it!

This morning she brings out all her clothes,dumps them in the middle of my living room floor and says these need to be done before I leave! I am just at a loss. She doesn't even get the point. I think it also frustrates me that she goes around tooting about how much money she has, then doesn't pay for anything! It killed her that she had to spend 7.00 on a pair of water shoes!

I am just at a loss!
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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

tamara24 said:


> This morning she brings out all her clothes,dumps them in the middle of my living room floor and says these need to be done before I leave! I am just at a loss. She doesn't even get the point. I think it also frustrates me that she goes around tooting about how much money she has, then doesn't pay for anything! It killed her that she had to spend 7.00 on a pair of water shoes!
> 
> I am just at a loss!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wait until she leaves then surprise her with a plastic trash bag full of dirty clothes!

I feel for you.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Thanks DanF. She finally leaves today. She asked me last night what we were planning on doing as today is her last day here. I take her to meet the hubby at 4 so I am counting down! I said I plan to do nothing as it is going to be storming so we will just have to wait it out! she said nothing. Then she. Starts in how she is going to BIL and cooking cause last time his wife served her hot dogs and boxed meals. Hmmm...gives me an idea for next time.

I told her that from now on if she plans to visit,she needs to ok the plans with me or my hubby even if my BIL is making the flight arrangements. BIL has no consideration to even call and ask if the dates they choose were going to interfere with any of our plans. As long as it didn't interfere with theirs! I think she will be miffed that they plan to put her in the garage apartment also! Hehe! She will have a heart attack when she realizes that they do not even own a coffee pot so her morning won't start out with being served coffee! I wonder if that will cause her to be slightly grumpy????I hope so! Counting the hours and just want to say thank you for the support and thanks for listening to my venting!
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