# Next Move(s)



## Kerosene Hat (Nov 12, 2013)

So, I posted a thread a couple weeks ago after my WAW told me she had decided she wants a divorce "so she can move on with her life" after separating for 3.5 weeks. As I said before, the separation came as a complete shock, but it seems more and more apparent that it was likely after a sexual indiscretion on a "girl's trip" to Belize. (When she returned home, she volunteered some crazy story about how she stayed up late "after everyone else was asleep" with a cook and they "talked for a long time...my ears immediately perked up. Within 5 weeks, she had moved out and isn't coming back). 

I'm working through the divorce settlement process now. And working on myself (IC, exercise, healthier habits). I am still so hurt and [now slightly less] shocked, but am coming to grips that this is really, really happening.

My question is this: Do I push to get the settlement signed (it's favorable to me, compared to what it could be) or hold off while she returns home for Thanksgiving, in the small chance there is some change of heart? 

Her heart hasn't changed recently (only grown colder and harder), so I have no hope and no optimism. Still, a large part of me just can't let go. I saw another post by SawbladLily in the "Limbo Sucks" thread about evaluating how much you want to be married to your wife vs. not being able to deal with the pain. That's a great point and not one I've fully digested; from what I've seen recently, the person I thought I married is either no longer there or never was; I also see no indication of any reconsideration.

The perspectives here are really valuable and this site has been so helpful for me. Thank you so much.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Push to get it signed while it's in your favor.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Your best bet is to push to get it over with fast. Although your heart will tell you to buy time she will come around, the longer your heart controls the bankroll the more it will cost in long term. 

If the deal is in your favor get it done. It wont get any better in the future and will most likely turn into a much less desirable deal once she gets mad or a slick lawyer tells her what she may receive. 

Also the more she lives life independently she will realize more and more what the real world costs which means it will cost you more. Fast deals also will do away the the petty fighting that eventually occurred the longer it goes on. Which makes for reconciling that much harder if that is your wish.


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## Kerosene Hat (Nov 12, 2013)

Thanks, everyone. I am going to get the settlement signed on Friday. STBXW wants to save $$$ on legal bills, so she is going to sign my paper, from my attorney. I'm not out of this for nothing, but it is about the best I could hope for financially. 

I borrowed a line from ReGroup when I saw her yesterday, after confirming this is her wish. "It doesn't have to be this way." No real comprehension of what that means, but it will come eventually.


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## Kerosene Hat (Nov 12, 2013)

UPDATE:
So, we met at my attorney's on Friday and signed papers. The attorney filed for us. STBXW signed over the house and took the offered settlement; she really didn't even read the settlement paperwork. She asked me to read it to her (she struggles with dyslexia, so reading is not a preferred activity). Despite my anger and hurt, I felt bad for her; she is clearly "winging" this whole thing and isn't even looking out for her own legal or financial interests. At least the net effect to me is limited financial downside (which I'd trade for this never to have happened, obviously). 

The lawyer will file the motion for judgment in January and that will be that. It's amazing to think that on October 10, I was going to make an appt with a MC and then she said she "needed space" and started staying with a friend. Less than 4 weeks later, she decided on a divorce and then we filed within 2 weeks. 

The whiplash is staggering. 

I checked out a support group at a local church last night and people seem to be really nice. I'll continue going even though it's 2/3 over and I'm not sure about how God fits into my world...it can't hurt, that's for sure. 

Also going to run a half-marathon this Thanksgiving morning, and then drive up to Kentucky for dinner with a friend and his family.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Keep working towards your future with as much optimism as you can muster.

Something to consider, "you will never know how much you need God, until God is all you have".

Be strong friend,
Stretch


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## Kerosene Hat (Nov 12, 2013)

Thanks, Stretch. One thing I'm taking from this experience is that I don't always know as much as I think I know, and that I need to be open to change. I've taken as many healthy steps for myself as I could have so far, even if I disagree with everything. I'm open to re-evaluating my relationship with God. "Lord knows" I need him now (man, those words are hard to type...). 

I appreciate everyone's support and help in this forum.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

If the deal got done that fast and easy even though painful you are fortunate. Long term it will save both of you many hard feelings and arguments. Also if at some point in the future if you ever consider reconciling you wont have the bad blood for a drawn out divorce process to overcome. 

She will at some point probably realize that it wasnt the best financial decision on her part and she will blame you for that, just remember she signed the paperwork by her own free will. If you lawyer can speed up the wheels of court encourage him to do that. She want more during the interim till its filed in the courts. I would suggest to "humor" her a little. Keep her just happy enough to get the paperwork thru the system. The old saying spend a little now or alot later....


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

You did excellent in jumping on this while she had her head in the clouds rather than waiting. 

I did that too. Almost exactly one year after doing all the leg work and having her sign the petition - I do not regret it.

Keep focusing on you and what you want out of life.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How are you doing, KH?

You have a good sense of humor. Hope it has served you well.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Kerosene Hat said:


> I'm open to re-evaluating my relationship with God. "Lord knows" I need him now (man, those words are hard to type...).
> 
> I appreciate everyone's support and help in this forum.


The Lord will never forsake you, reject you, or tell you that you are unworthy of his love. He loves you just as you are. Give your pain to him and make friends with your problems.


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