# double standard



## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

I have been doing very well in trying to be what my wife needs, by this, I mean when she gets fussy or unreasonable, I do not respond in such a way that makes it worse. 

So, yesterday, I get a little down due to something that happened at work and all I do is call her and ask a few questions like: "are you sure I am what you want and desire in life? Im just making sure, cause dont feel very worthy today". Everything seemed fine at first but I hear it in her voice that things may go bad in short order. They do, she gets frustrated and angry and tells me I can't be happy no matter what. Later on, she gets even more angry about how "things never can just be ok". Which, to me, I thought they were most of the time. She even made some statement about how this is "pushing her away".

Ok, all I did was get a little down and sought out affirmation, and she is talking about slipping away???

Not sure I can live like this forever. It seems to me that I am supposed to stand strong every second and never show that anything bothers me, yet, she gets pissy all the time and I am supposed to "handle it" perfectly every time. 

Doesnt make sense, is she going through menopause or something?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

She sounds like a little drama queen, who wants to be spoiled, not respected.
I couldn't stand it !!!

I know some women like this and I can't stand them either... they are like a bunch of evil crazy women, with no common sense or intellect...
just pushy, demanding women who are big drama queens.

She seems to think your respsonsible for her happiness. I sure wouldn't fall into that if I were you.


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

Well, it seems to boil down to:
her happiness depends on my happiness. If I appear unhappy, for WHATEVER reason, she takes it personal.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

If my husband called me and said that to me I would respond "Oh, honey, you are the ONLY one I want and I love you so much."

Then when I got home from work I would give him a big hug and a kiss, fix him a nice dinner, rub his back. Pretty much do whatever I could to make him feel better. However, I would get a little down if I couldn't seem to cheer him up no matter what I did.

This is just one woman's perspective though.


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

That's what I do for her all the time, but not only do I NOT get that, she gets frustrated and angry at me like I'm blaming her for everything. 

It sucks and I'm not sure what to do about it. 

I have to just act like Im happy all the damn time. Even I don't "look" happy, it becomes a problem. I try to tell her "maybe I am tired, maybe my back hurts! doesn't mean Im not happy!!!" thing is.... I am becoming more and more unhappy. If I told her that, hell to pay, even if she stayed with me she would be "distant", not connected. She doesnt play fair. 



scarletblue said:


> If my husband called me and said that to me I would respond "Oh, honey, you are the ONLY one I want and I love you so much."
> 
> Then when I got home from work I would give him a big hug and a kiss, fix him a nice dinner, rub his back. Pretty much do whatever I could to make him feel better. However, I would get a little down if I couldn't seem to cheer him up no matter what I did.
> 
> This is just one woman's perspective though.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I dont know if she is co-dependent or passive aggressive but it's safe to saay she has some major issues.

run forest run !


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

cone-
There is a romantic movie where Harrison Ford is a small-aircraft pilot, and they get trapped on a dangerous desert island. Harrison Ford expresses some worries, and the woman he's protecting does not look happy. This is not verbatim, it is over 10 years since I saw the film but... When he says, "but I thought women like men to express their emotions", she says "not when the woman is firghtend and needs a real man".

Perhaps someone can remember the name of the film.

Anyway my point is that all this post feminist clap-trap about women wanting men to express their emotions is utter utter BS. Maybe they want them to shed a manly tear at a wedding or a funeral, but that's about it.

How many woman are interested in the full depth of what men are feeling? Some women mistakenly think that men don't have many feelings. It will probably bee several hundred years before we get much movement on that...

OK, so I've gone a bit over the top, but...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

cone said:


> I have to just act like Im happy all the damn time.


This is your part of the *co*-dependency. You don't *have *to do anything. By refusing to play along, she would see you as more manly. Real men throw a tantrum every now and again. PC men just get their body hair waxed and say "yes dear, no dear".


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> cone-
> There is a romantic movie where Harrison Ford is a small-aircraft pilot, and they get trapped on a dangerous desert island. Harrison Ford expresses some worries, and the woman he's protecting does not look happy. This is not verbatim, it is over 10 years since I saw the film but... When he says, "but I thought women like men to express their emotions", she says "not when the woman is firghtend and needs a real man".
> 
> Perhaps someone can remember the name of the film.
> ...


Six Days, Seven Nights

The woman in the movie was Anne Heche


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Cheers RH


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Cheers RH


I'm a little bit of a movie buff, plus back in HS I worked at a Blockbuster Video, and somewhere around that time this movie came out.


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Six Days, Seven Nights
> 
> The woman in the movie was Anne Heche


Yeah, and she was Ellen Degeneres's girlfriend for a while to!
I wonder if Ellen acted manly all the time?


MarkTwain, I have been realizing this to be the way I guess things need to be. What sucks is how they tell you how much they love all that stuff. Then BAM, it's not ok anymore. 

I actually HAVE been doing that, but damn, not even ONE weak moment is allowed???


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

cone said:


> MarkTwain, I have been realizing this to be the way I guess things need to be. What sucks is how they tell you how much they love all that stuff. Then BAM, it's not ok anymore.


I'll let you into a secret... it never _was_ OK 



Occasionally Hollywood gets it right


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, I've been learning that from here for a long time, too. They don't want a doormat; but someone who can (and does) stand their ground for their own lives, occasionally(!) sharing that "tender" moment. Learning this can be painful.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Anyway my point is that all this post feminist clap-trap about women wanting men to express their emotions is utter utter BS. Maybe they want them to shed a manly tear at a wedding or a funeral, but that's about it.
> 
> How many woman are interested in the full depth of what men are feeling?


I don't think that is fair. We expect men to be ADULTS about their feelings, not treating us like their mommy who is supposed to fix everything. AND we expect an even exchange--if I respect your feelings, you need to respect mine. No one wants to listen to a man OR woman who sounds self-pitying and petulant. Those women who sound like that don't have a lot of friends. 

Also, we need affirmation of our part in your feelings--we need to hear the words b/c you are often inscrutable creatures. 

"Feelings" talk is about using words that express feelings, not about being needy or weepy, whether you are a man or a woman.


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

It was expressed perfectly years ago. A woman should be.

A mother in the house.
A lady out on the town.
A tramp in the bed.

Now if you take each on its own merit (while not politically correct) is perfection.

If she does all of this, a man will be on his knees begiing.


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