# What are a wifes responsibilities to her husband in marriage



## NoIssues

I think its well settled here that a woman shuts down sexually if a man fails to continue pursuing his wife with attention, affection, appreciation and thoughtful effort that is romance to her. 

Husband gets pissed off and confused for lack of sex and wants to solve the puzzle that is this marriage killing sexual frustration. 

Several of my posts point out the conclusions I have made fixing this problem in my own marriage by learning that my wife NEEDS ongoing romantic pursuit from me in order to DESIRE me sexually. 

If I DO it, I GET it. Its very easy for me. Its more fun for both of us and we joke about it openly in a flirtatious way.

It is inevitable in my posts about what a man must do to rekindle the sexual fires within his wife, some members angrily post about how a busted marriage is ALWAYS the husbands fault and then they ask 

1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?
2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?
3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it? 
4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)

I asked my wife. She and I agree there are sets of answers

1. He thinks hes doing "it" but isnt (needs to get some game) 
2. He is doing it and she isnt responding (he needs to sell her on being receptive to it)

My wife felt it was unattractive to have to explain what a woman wants and needs and found it sexy that I figured it out on my own. Sorry wimps but thats what she said and I am proud of it also. 

I dont pretend to have all the answers because my wife was receptive to my effort to romance her. She was not so completely pissed or confused or rotten as to punish me when I cleaned up my act. 

Our ****ty marriage was my fault. My wifes only crime was not being able to lay it out clearly enough for me to comprehend how big the problem was until she was so pissed her kindness blew a gasket and she was finally unfiltered about it. 

So wives of TAM, please tell us Husbands of TAM

1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?
2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?
3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it? 
4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)


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## that_girl

It's different for every couple.

Ask what your needs are (both of you) then meet them. It's not rocket science.


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## YupItsMe

that_girl said:


> It's different for every couple.
> 
> Ask what your needs are (both of you) then meet them. It's not rocket science.


ok list your top three or five if you wouldnt mind. I have always thought you have a very healthy outlook. Id like to hear your specifics to each question.


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## that_girl

For my husband: He needs to feel respected, appreciated and loved. For him this means acts of service. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, those things. He needs to feel connected and to him that means sexual intimacy. I love sex with him so this is not a problem. I also talk softly to him. This helps feel connected. He needs to feel like he's important in this home, so I make sure there are things around here that he can do that make him feel important. He needs to feel wanted. I show this by affection and other things. 

For me, my needs are rather simple: Affection and communication. These were hard for hubs but he's getting better. Affection he has down. Communication he's working on. I also need to feel appreciated and he does that by bragging about me to friends. lol. Sounds silly but it helps. I need sexual intimacy as well...he is more than happy to help in that department...I need to feel secure, and he is good at that (financially and physically...even though I work full time too). We are working on trust, but it's a work in progress.


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## Laurae1967

I agree that what couples need is unique to each couple. And I think it is unfair for a husband or wife to expect their partner to be a mind-reader about their spouse's needs. It is the ability to clearly communicate needs, and the ability to work to deliver on those needs, that make a good marriage.


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## MEM2020

NoIssues,
How long have you been married? How many kids?



NoIssues said:


> I think its well settled here that a woman shuts down sexually if a man fails to continue pursuing his wife with attention, affection, appreciation and thoughtful effort that is romance to her.
> 
> Husband gets pissed off and confused for lack of sex and wants to solve the puzzle that is this marriage killing sexual frustration.
> 
> Several of my posts point out the conclusions I have made fixing this problem in my own marriage by learning that my wife NEEDS ongoing romantic pursuit from me in order to DESIRE me sexually.
> 
> If I DO it, I GET it. Its very easy for me. Its more fun for both of us and we joke about it openly in a flirtatious way.
> 
> It is inevitable in my posts about what a man must do to rekindle the sexual fires within his wife, some members angrily post about how a busted marriage is ALWAYS the husbands fault and then they ask
> 
> 1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?
> 2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?
> 3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it?
> 4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)
> 
> I asked my wife. She and I agree there are sets of answers
> 
> 1. He thinks hes doing "it" but isnt (needs to get some game)
> 2. He is doing it and she isnt responding (he needs to sell her on being receptive to it)
> 
> My wife felt it was unattractive to have to explain what a woman wants and needs and found it sexy that I figured it out on my own. Sorry wimps but thats what she said and I am proud of it also.
> 
> I dont pretend to have all the answers because my wife was receptive to my effort to romance her. She was not so completely pissed or confused or rotten as to punish me when I cleaned up my act.
> 
> Our ****ty marriage was my fault. My wifes only crime was not being able to lay it out clearly enough for me to comprehend how big the problem was until she was so pissed her kindness blew a gasket and she was finally unfiltered about it.
> 
> So wives of TAM, please tell us Husbands of TAM
> 
> 1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?
> 2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?
> 3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it?
> 4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)


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## NoIssues

MEM11363 said:


> NoIssues,
> How long have you been married? How many kids?


12 years 1 child 10 years old. First three years great, last four years have been good. middle years not so good.


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## greenpearl

NoIssues said:


> 1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?
> 2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?
> 3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it?
> 4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)


1. I can only answer my own marriage. My responsibilities for my marriage: Work and make money, cook nice meals, clean up the apartment. I don't consider sex as a responsibility. Sex is fun, it's a shame not to have it. 

2. When a marriage is dying, I don't think it's anybody's fault. The society's fault or you are married to the wrong person. 

3. It means what you find romantic is not what she considers to be romantic. You don't speak the same kind of language, you don't understand each other. Everybody is wired in a different way, it's difficult for people to understand each other. Find somebody who speaks the same language or learn the other person's language. 

4. It's not always the husband's fault. Takes two to form a marriage, takes two to destroy a marriage. People usually watch too many romance movies, they have unrealistic expectation about their lives and marriages.


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## MEM2020

It is great you were able to figure stuff out just by paying attention/being smart. Women love that. 

I ABSOLUTELY believe both men and women are responsible for honestly answering direct questions about the marriage. For instance my W doesn't need to volunteer that X is a turn on and Y is a turn off. BUT if I directly ask about X and Y she needs to be straight with me. 





NoIssues said:


> 12 years 1 child 10 years old. First three years great, last four years have been good. middle years not so good.


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## alphaomega

Wimps? Lol. Funny guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoIssues

MEM11363 said:


> It is great you were able to figure stuff out just by paying attention/being smart. Women love that.


Wish I could take that credit for being so observant and able to translate but I read about 30 books and hundreds of articles online to figure it out. 

I found the knowledge and solutions needed were so readily available, intuitive and paying off immediately that I find few excuses for not dealing with the type of problem I had valid which was a wife that shut down because of my neglect of affection, kindness and romance.

I turned the affection switch back on and she opened back up and we now have a better marriage than ever for four years now.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

NoIssues said:


> 1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?
> 2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?
> 3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it?
> 4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)


1. In my marriage I'm mainly responsible for the cooking and house cleaning. My husband actually does not expect anything from me. If something doesn't get done, he does not ever get angry. I do keep the house up and homemade food on the table almost always. There are days when I can not get out of bed when the pain is overwhelming. 
2. When I start disrespecting my husband.
3. That is just cruel. A wife should never deny her husband sex/love. She should learn to love it as much as he does. It's a beautiful thing and essential in a marriage. My husband and I romance each other.
4. No, it's his fault when he disrespects his wife.

My husband and I have been married 12 wonderful years. We are definaly compatible with one another and our marriage has always been very strong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sawney Beane

NoIssues said:


> 1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?


To be totally open about what her needs are; to be absolutely crystal clear what she will perceive as having her needs met; to be completely honest about how far she is prepared to go to meet her husband's needs.



> 2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?


Affairs, neglect, abuse, financial profligacy, lies, unwillingness to express needs, unwillingness to articulate how needs should be met...


> 3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it?


It's incumbent on her to express what sort of romance she wants. Or she just isn't romantic


> 4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)


No. She has to express what her needs are, and how she feels they get met, and if her needs change over time (flowers are _so_ last year...), to say what they have changed to.


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## NoIssues

Good stuff.


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## Trying2figureitout

I think the easiest way to look at marriage...

Each spouse is 100% responsible for meeting the other spouses need and desires in a marriage
THAT IS THE REAL LIST... NOTHING ELSE.

Also, 

All problem marriages are usually both spouses fault!

The biggest issue,

When you clearly explain your needs and desires and a spouse does NOTHING to meet those needs.

I'm living that right now.


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## I'mAllIn

NoIssues said:


> 1. what are a wife's responsibilities to her marriage?
> 2. when is a dying marriage a wifes fault?
> 3. what if all the romance is there but the wife still isnt receptive to it?
> 4. Is it always the husbands fault? (Of course not but certain men say it all the time on here)


1. This is a really hard question to answer because there are the obvious responsibilities, like to remain faithful, contribute financially to our household, and meet my husband's needs for emotional and physical connection. But it's a lot more than that. I don't even know how to explain it, I just think it's my responsibility to be 100% present in the marriage, paying attention to his needs and desires and doing my best to meet them
2. I guess then a dying marriage is the wife's fault when she knows what her husband needs and is unable or unwilling to provide it for him. Also if she refuses to express her needs but then punishes her husband for not meeting them by withholding affection and/or sex. Being unfaithful.
3. If all of the romance is there but the wife still isn't receptive then I think one of three things is going on. Either the romance that's there isn't what she considers romance, or she was so hurt by too many past issues in the relationship that she can never get over it , or she just doesn't want to be in the marriage no matter what is done to try to make things better (maybe realized she made a mistake in marrying in the first place).
4. Of course it's not always the husband's fault. I think it's rarely one party or the other who's totally at fault. Most good marriages that are in trouble seem to result from issues that grow so slowly that no one realizes how big they are until there's real trouble. Then neither party seems willing to "go first" to try to fix it.

I have to say, I could not disagree with your wife more about having to explain what we want or need being unattractive. If you hadn't decided on your own to read all those books and figure out what she needed on your own would she have just remained p!ssed off and continued to punish you for what you didn't know was wrong? Would having an affair have been less unattractive than just telling you what she felt was missing? I think one of the cruelest things women do to their husbands is expect them to read their minds.


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## NoIssues

I'mAllIn said:


> I have to say, I could not disagree with your wife more about having to explain what we want or need being unattractive.
> 
> _*Yea I didnt like it either but those were the cards I was dealt so I played my hand to win. In fact, I told her the only disappointment I have on her end was not being able to tell me what the problem was in a way I could comprehend. *_
> 
> If you hadn't decided on your own to read all those books and figure out what she needed on your own would she have just remained p!ssed off and continued to punish you for what you didn't know was wrong?
> 
> _*Yup*_
> 
> Would having an affair have been less unattractive
> 
> _*Me or her?*_
> 
> than just telling you what she felt was missing?
> 
> _*Oh she tried but I got the ol your not listening to me thing that makes men want to scream. The truth is now that I have read ten encyclopedias worth of information about how effed up men and women trying to cvommunicate is, I can translate most of the harmful indirect spare feelings and build maintain and protect relationships from harm female jibber jabber into direct male english that I can take action on.*_
> 
> I think one of the cruelest things women do to their husbands is expect them to read their minds.


Yup. One of the most remarkable things I ran across in all my reading is how several wives were pissed at their husbands for a month because they didnt do something they said they would do. The counselors asked them all if they asked him again.

Unanimous answer "I SHOULDNT HAVE TO"

As a man I think its totally absurd to be pissed at someone you are suppossed to love for a month about something you refuse to mention again. Many woman will call a man stupid, irresponsible, immature over things like that. 

Thats one difference between men and woman but there are many others.


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## I'mAllIn

NoIssues said:


> Yup. One of the most remarkable things I ran across in all my reading is how several wives were pissed at their husbands for a month because they didnt do something they said they would do. The counselors asked them all if they asked him again.
> 
> Unanimous answer "I SHOULDNT HAVE TO"
> 
> As a man I think its totally absurd to be pissed at someone you are suppossed to love for a month about something you refuse to mention again. Many woman will call a man stupid, irresponsible, immature over things like that.
> 
> Thats one difference between men and woman but there are many others.


Completely agree with you that it's absurd to be mad at someone you love for so long without trying again to tell them why. Again though I hate the generalization about the sexes. We've not too long ago come out of a pretty rough patch, but in my marriage it's my husband who would be upset about something but refuse to mention it. He just let those things pile up until he was withholding all emotion from me, but because he felt he was "avoiding conflict" he thought that made it ok. I on the other hand would tell him every time we had a serious discussion exactly what was bothering me, what I thought we needed to work on, and how the way he was treating me made me feel. It wasn't until I'd been telling him those things repeatedly for close to a year with no effort on his part to respond to them that I started to shut him out.


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