# Wife no longer loves me...



## chardar (Sep 3, 2013)

Recently my wife has told me she no longer finds me physically attractive and after a few discussions i finally got out of her that she has feelings for somebody else. She maintains that nothing has happened between them, but i know that she has being going out on day trips with our kids and his kids and him for some time.

We have been together for 13 years and have 2 kids, 3 and 6.
I was aware that our relationship wasn't perfect, but its hard work raising 2 kids and keeping down a job etc... 

Anyways, she has basically said she is fed up of me taking her for granted and that meeting this other guy has made her realise what is missing in our relationship. I admit that i am not great when it comes to certain things, cooking, cleaning and i feel like i have totally blown my chances .

I am really not coping well with this all and i don't know what to do. She has become so cold with me, no sensitivity at all.... Cruel even in the way she talks to me, which is not like her at all.

Its so difficult to keep it all together for the kids and at work. 

I still want to try and win her back but she refuses to consider counselling and says she feels there is no way back for us.

Completely lost


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You need to do a 180 on her. Look at the 180 threads. 

If its true that there are things you should have been doing, then start doing your fair share, but only your fair, make it a life long habit because are a man and an adult and that's what we do! Don't do it to win her back. 

She is probably rewriting history now and crucifying you because it now suits her to do so. 

Tell her she is a cheater and you are no longer sure you want to be with her. Go and seek legal advice and start to move on with your life. 

If the other man has a wife, exposé them to his wife. Also try and get other proof of an affair by looking at phone bills and perhaps putting a recording device in her car. 

Good luck.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sorry you are here, this is a good place to start reading;

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Also, if she's willing to leave you for him and they have spent time together, odds are they probably had sex many times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chardar (Sep 3, 2013)

*LittleDeer* said:


> If the other man has a wife, exposé them to his wife. Also try and get other proof of an affair by looking at phone bills and perhaps putting a recording device in her car.


What good will that do?

I think that would just be painful and counter-productive right now.

I just read the 180 and it makes a lot of sense. Going to try it, but sounds hard right now....


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Exposure does many good things:
It makes an affair harder
It kicks sense into the cheaters, right now they are so in love they don't care about anyone. This brings them back to earth.
She will tell everyone it was your fault and ruin your reputation
If the other man is married his wife needs to know.
It gives the message that you are a man with dignity and will not tolerate cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chardar (Sep 3, 2013)

where does the 180 go with the fact i am still living in the same house as her?

I kinda HAVE to talk about that situation and what happens next there?

Or i carry on with the 180 while living with her?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

This is a good link if you live with her:
The Healing Heart: The 180

Take some time to digest this advice too, things will start making more sense as you learn more
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chardar (Sep 3, 2013)

But it says not to talk about the future etc.

Surely we are gonna need to talk about things such as selling the house? I kinda want her to see the reality of the situation and realise what her decisions are leading to. Am i wrong in thinking like this?


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Exposing her will create enormous benefits. Besides it being the right thing to do, making their affair harder, possibly waking them up to the realities of what they have done, etc. it also shows that you aren't a ***** who is willing to put up with a cheating wife. To NOT do anything about it would be seen as pathetic and she would respect you even less for allowing it. You need to show her and yourself that you won't accept her behavior. Regardless of your "sins" in the marriage, her behavior is completely 100% unacceptable.

Next, regarding your "sins", you need to take a crash course in righting those wrongs. I'm willing to bet that you wife became vulnerable to the kind words and glances of another man because you left her feeling unloved and unfulfilled for too long, oblivious to her needs. You need to change that pronto, only now (while committed to the 180) you have to do those things for yourself and not for her. Start cleaning the house, catch up with all the home repairs/improvements that have been neglected. Take time off from work to get them done if necessary. Become a super dad, take them to the park, give them their bathes, commit to reading them stories every day and play with them in new and outlandish ways. Start working out/running and eating better. Get yourself in shape and stick to it. If you have time, don't feel like you need to stop visiting with friends either. 

You might be surprised by what this combination of steps can do for your marriage. Shooting her affair in the foot while also making yourself into a more desirable man and showing her that you have indeed realized what area's you were formerly failing her in, could easily have her seeing you in a brand new light, especially if her affair now lies in ashes.

If she insists on talking about the future, don't get emotional or dance around it. Be frank, to the point, and short. Make it clear that you really aren't interested in discussing the future right now, that you are focused on the present. If she wants something to happen that wasn't instigated by you or you aren't interested in, then let her be the one responsible for it. ("Listen, husband, we need to sell the house. We need to clean the house, find a realtor, fill out paperwork, etc.!" "Wife, if that is how you see it and how you'd like to spend your time, then that is your business. Right now I'm more interested in taking the kids for a walk. We'll see you in a few hours, bye.")

Just stop engaging her. That doesn't mean you are ignoring her completely, as you still need to be cordial and respond to inquiries, but keep them short, on topic, and unemotional.


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