# Anyone bring their SO to TAM?



## coldshoulder (Sep 27, 2011)

Just wondering if anyone has tried bringing their sig other to TAM so that they can also get some peer counselling? If so, what were the results...I kinda want to bring wifey in here, but I'm a little worried about her reaction to seeing that I am openning up online...

Please comment.

Later.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

there are several couples on here that post regularly . myself i like having my own place to vent and get opinions about things on


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

It depends. What is your story?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Thought about it but doubt she'd get anything out of it.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I have told her of its existence and given her the name (she asked). I do not think she has had the time to look at it.

I do not think I have said anything she would be upset about, though - and obviously will seek to avoid doing so in future!

But as I am very happily married, it is probably easy for me


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I pretty much had to drag my wife CantSitStill
kicking and screaming to get on this site,wish she would have done it a lot sooner,would have saved us both a lot of trouble.
I had been on here for 3- 4 months before she finally gave it a try,it opened up her eyes to a lot,
now I cant get her off 
She has been on for about 6 months now and its helped us both a lot,trying to get her on was hard,I wanted her to try it and at that time and point in our marriage she wasnt listening to anything I had to say.
Its working for us
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband has known since day 1 that I post here, I've always been a forum junky pretty much...(mostly Christian, Parenting & Health forums before I landed here).

Our issues were never really Bad...even a little :rofl: looking back... (I suddenly wanted him to be more aggressive in Bed & I was wearing him out).....I shared every reply I got about wanting him to be more dominate ....yeah a little ranting there... He was never upset by this. It was something I was going through and we learned & grew in our intimacy through it all. 

He has always known I wish he was a poster here...catching a little writers Bug... I think it is so COOL when couples come here together. 

Then months ago...out of the blue...he told me to help him do a profile...that he would take a stab at a little posting ..... I JUMPED all over that ! 

He doesn't say too much (very typical -unlike my long winded self)... but it's still nice he drops in now & then. It's very commonplace for us to talk about things I read on here....so he might as well share his own 2 cents sometimes too, in his own words. I still speak "for him" though in many of my posts.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

the rule of thumb in marriage should be (but rarely is): if you think that your partner would not be happy about what you are doing, don't do it.
YOu should be able to show her what's up or what's the point?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I bring my H here to read particular posts/threads that resonate with me. We've had some great discussions from stuff off TAM. So he certainly knows about it and that I post here. Says he hasn't looked up what i post (but who knows...) He figures i'll tell him if i have something to say...I'm good like that!

But getting him to post here would be akin to getting blood from a stone!
He posts no where on the net (that I know of). He goes online for about 10 mins a day.. checks his email, the weather, main news headlines and the rugby!


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I am trying to get h to come here at the moment. There are issues too big for me to deal with alone. 
Not sure if he will.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Husband was the first to post here about our issues and I initially and then I created an account to join the discussion. I don't know if he's even looked at the site past the first couple days after he posted here looking for help.

We had/have pretty serious issues but I seem the be more the cyber junkie. The only online forum I know he goes to on a daily basis is one for people trying to stop dipping.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

As soon as I found this site, I told him about it, and that I am posting here. I have told him about certain posts...some were the laughable ones, some actually have helped in issues we have had in our marriage. He knows he is welcome to join if he wishes. And, if anything I have ever posted causes problems between us, then I will change my habits accordingly. For now, he has shown no interest in coming on here, and I won't force him. However, I think it WOULD be nice for him to join.... I did get my sister to come here tho. She's only posted once tho.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

me and my wife are both on here.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

waiwera said:


> I bring my H here to read particular posts/threads that resonate with me. We've had some great discussions from stuff off TAM. So he certainly knows about it and that I post here. Says he hasn't looked up what i post (but who knows...) He figures i'll tell him if i have something to say...I'm good like that!


This is similar to us. I don't know if he's read my posts or not. If he wanted to he could, but I think he just accepts this is an outlet for me. I have shared with him some things I've posted and what I've learned or what's resonated with me. I've also asked his opinions on certain threads that I may have read.

But he's not into posting online or this type of forum. He has commented on changes he's seen in me though in certain scenarios, and he knows some of those changes are inspired through what I've read/discovered here. He reads and reflects and discovers in the ways that suit him - but it's not online. It's not often that I'm online if he's around. If I have something to be cleared or understand better, I'll bring it up with him. That's not to say I don't still gain from reading here though.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Mine posts every now and again, he has been reading through threads I post on and occasionally he will hop on here and speak his mind. He seems to want to do so more now so that's a plus in my book. This site has been so helpful for us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

coldshoulder said:


> Just wondering if anyone has tried bringing their sig other to TAM so that they can also get some peer counselling? If so, what were the results...I kinda want to bring wifey in here, but I'm a little worried about her reaction to seeing that I am openning up online...
> 
> Please comment.
> 
> Later.


I wanted to add - when we were going through the thick of it, we went to a therapist together. I think when someone can learn of your background and perhaps why certain behaviors came about, that can be beneficial for understanding and then perhaps changing/improving or at least having an awareness of. They can also pick up on body language and tone, as well as what is being said, and gain a clearer idea of where both parties are coming from. There's only snippets and glimpses of the picture that can be shared here. 

That's why I'm not the type to suggest to another what the end result should be of a relationship, (unless they're in danger) as there's always more than one side to the story and usually more to it than the few sentences that someone has offered in a post. Even though, this format can still be helpful to many.... to vent, to read, to inspire.


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## coldshoulder (Sep 27, 2011)

I guess from the responses that I received in this thread, most of you had a positive experience in bringing your partner to TAM...I think I will let her know that I have gone on a peer counselling site and let her decide if she wants to have a look. I don't have anything to hide and want her to know everything, so I hope this isn't a bad move on my part.

I think the biggest thing for her is that she seems to be waiting for me to tell her it's over, and when I don't tell her I love her constantly she gets a little nervous that it is coming. That's what I think anyway, and I hope I'm right since there is an easy fix...just tell her everyday.

Thank you for the responses and keep commenting if you have something to add.

Later.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

While this isn't my husband's bag, he did once say to me he was thankful that I was willing to work on our marriage - which was in reference to me reading these forums.

Best wishes to you coldshoulder. Whether your wife agrees with the idea of this forum or not, I hope in the very least, you can help her feel secure in the reason why you're here.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Maricha75 said:


> I think it WOULD be nice for him to join.... I did get my sister to come here tho. She's only posted once tho.


I talk to my oldest son about many of the subjects here, cause he is taking Psyche in College....maybe he'll be a Therapist someday.... He posted once on a porn thread ....in the religious section --pretty much undermining my thoughts ...that is typical of us (we debate alot).... He caused this one poster to get so :FIREdevil: -with a bunch of ranting signs following what he said, boy did he TICK him off.......that a MOD locked the thread right after!! 

We had the biggest :rofl: over this. 

He never posted again...but that was FUN.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I introduced mine to TAM but she rarely comes in much less posts. Then again we arent looking for help with anything. I actually found this place while searching for ways to spice up sex in our marrige didnt take long befoe I got hooked.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> I introduced mine to TAM but she rarely comes in much less posts. Then again we arent looking for help with anything. I actually found this place while searching for ways to spice up sex in our marrige didnt take long befoe I got hooked.


Your story is MINE ~~ down to the spouse having an account -but doesn't take the time, spicing the sex life up ...and Hooked is an understatment... I think I need freaking Tam "Rebab". 

At least today I got a Picnic to go too!


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

While my husband knows that I lurked and post here, he will not join. The only time he would is if we were having serious problems. Thankfully, we're not.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

My SO is on TAM. He rarely posts though. He isn't surprised about what I say on TAM, he for the most part knows what I'm posting about because we talk about it. Talking about the topics that's gone on here has helped our relationship to grow. 

As for him getting help. I've asked him to come here for help and he wont do it. He is a very respectful person and he knows of some of the ignorance that goes on here. In our everyday life EVERYONE respects him. EVERYONE. I think he has a problem with not being able to deal with it like he normally would face to face if some of the ignorance were to occur here.


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