# Things were so much better when he was on Paxil....



## RachelLaura (Dec 15, 2009)

Things weren't even just better- they were completely different.
My husband has really bad anxiety and gets stressed really easily. He often has a temper and loses his patience quickly. He drove me crazy because he nitpicked every little thing I did and stressed about the tiniest matters. I often felt the way he talked to me was simply rude. Things finally got so bad that he was willing to talk to a therapist and he went on Paxil.

He was just a better version of himself on the Paxil. I swear, in the 1.5 years he has been taking the meds, we have barely had 1 fight. I think I had fallen out of love with him prior to the meds, and the Paxil brought us closer together again- he was calm, loving and more patient. I remembered why I first fell in love with him.

I also found out I was pregnant while he was on Paxil and we couldn't have been more happy. My husband has wanted children for a long time. He told me that he was looking at life completely differently since we were expecting a baby and he really and truly felt that it was stupid to stress over the little things. I really thought he had adopted a new perspective on life and I was so proud of him.

So everything has been pretty great. I just had my daughter 12 days ago and we both couldnt love her more. However, I noticed that when we came home from the hospital, my husband has been really irritable and we started having the same stupid fights we had years ago, before the Paxil. I couldn't believe that he was nitpicking and yelling at me again about dumb little things. I felt that this was a time we should be supporting eachother and enjoying our brand new baby! 

So we started having screaming matches and my husband mentioned he stopped taking Paxil since coming home from the hospital. He said that it knocks him out at night and he wants to be up to help with everything when the baby cries. He thought it was making his sleeping schedule even more out of whack- so he stopped.

I just couldnt believe that in a matter of hours, he could revert back to this person that I thought was long gone. I also couldnt believe that the Paxil was really the one thing holding our marriage together. I almost feel like everything has been a farce.... that I love my husband when he is on meds, but I cant stand him when he's just.... him.

He agreed to talk to his doctor, but nothing has happened yet. Each day that goes by, and the more we fight, I get more upset. Can our marriage last when I believe we are so reliant on meds???


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## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

Hi, that is a tough situation. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I do believe you guys can last. He does need to handle his situation better, so hopefully he does go back on his meds. 

There are things you can do though. Right now it may be tough with just having the baby. But try ( I know it's hard) but try and just brush it off, if he starts to nitpick, just tell him " you are getting in my space, please back off" or "you are being picky again, I am doing my best, please give me some space for a while" Whatever you feel is right to say. Give your self some space, and just let him do his thing somewhere else.

You can try MC, I don't know how well it would work with a situation like this. But definitely try and get some help,whether its personal counseling or marriage books etc. There are tons of book, guides online that would help you out.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Don't let him go back on paxil!

It is a horrendous and addictive drug that can change personalities. My wife is suffering all kinds of bizarre side effects after reducing her dosage and had to go back to a higher dosage.

All drugs do is hide the symptoms temporarily, you can't seriously expect him to depend on drugs for rest of his life, can you?

Accept your husband for who he is and work on the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gracie08 (Jul 19, 2011)

People who don't have or don't know someone close to them with these issues don't understand what it's like. Telling them to go off their meds is like telling an asthmatic to stop puffers or a diabetic to go off their insulin. All drugs have side effects, but no one would ever tell someone to go off insulin or puffers, would they?

If your husband is suffering while he is off the meds, then he obviously has a serious issue. I think it's noble that he wants to be able to assist with the baby, but if your marriage and his psyche are suffering as a result, than it won't benefit anyone - not you, not him and not your new baby.

My sister is on Wellbutrin and has been for quite some time. She was picking horrible fights with her new (very patient) husband and she couldnt seem to stop herself and she didnt know why. She has gotten used to the side effects, and says they are not as bad as her symptoms when she is off them. They are happily married and proud parents.

Mental and emotional illness is no different than any other illness - they cannot just snap out of it - believe me, they would if they could.

I would encourage your husband to continue his meds. Tell him you love him and appreciate his desire to be supportive and want him and your family to be happy. So, you have to take over night duty, big deal - you would have to do the same thing if he was on meds for cancer or diabetes that caused him to sleep all night.

Good luck and do not feel bad that life is easier when he is on his meds - my sister and her husband sure dont!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Paxil has THE WORST withdrawal cycle of all SSRI's. Another problem with Paxil is if you stop taking it and restart it doesn't work as well and you wind up taking more for the same effect which increases the severity if the withdrawal cycle. Last but not least Paxil 'conks out'. Unlike most SSRI's, Paxil appears to randomly stop working with no correlation to duration or dosage. 

When I say the worst withdrawal, I mean blinding headaches, vomiting, blurred vision, brain zaps, depression, mild paranoia and other things. 

My lay person's recommendation would be to get him on something else ASAP. Pristiq maybe, or Effexor XR. SNRI's have much better withdrawal cycles and don't conk out. And short of some really powerful dangerous drugs like tricyclics, tetracyclics or similar MAOI's they really pull the patient out of the blackest depression.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I have depression and anxiety. I take Bupropion (generic version of Wellbutrin), and it helps with both. I know that if I stop taking my meds, I can feel the anxiety coming back fairly quickly. But...my anxiety doesn't make me angry towards others. Maybe everyone reacts differently to anxiety, but it kind of sounds to me like maybe there's something more going on there - or maybe the Paxil changed his personality in significant ways. I mean, more than just helping with symptoms. 

I would insist on him seeing his doctor. Others have suggested marriage counseling. As someone with depression and anxiety, though, I have to say that if I were in this kind of situation, I don't know that marriage counseling is really going to be helpful. Because, this situation sounds like it's not so much a problem in the marriage itself, but a problem within him that is presenting itself in the marriage. I think individual counseling for him, to address his anxiety and any other issues that he might have that perhaps have recently developed or gone undiagnosed until now, might be more beneficial. 

I'm not very familiar with Paxil, so I don't know anything about it's side effects or withdrawal symptoms, but it might not be a bad idea to consider another medication. If he stopped taking it because he wanted to be able to wake up and help with the baby, then it's possible that simply switching drugs could be the answer. If there's something else that is effective for him and still allows him to easily wake up and help you with the baby, then there's no reason to keep going with the Paxil, and there's no reason for him to go completely unmedicated.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Paxilprogress.org - read the horror stories for yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## e.p. (Jun 10, 2011)

RachelLaura said:


> So we started having screaming matches and my husband mentioned he stopped taking Paxil since coming home from the hospital. He said that it knocks him out at night and he wants to be up to help with everything when the baby cries.


He shouldn't just stop taking a medication like that. If he doesn't want to be on it he needs to work with his doctor to wean off of it, which will help the withdrawal effects.

I would hope you could come to love your husband for who he is without the drugs. It's kind of like every overactive kid these days getting Prozak to make them "a better version of them". It's really sad, in my opinion.

-e.p.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

I strongly agree with the posters who wrote he should not stop taking Paxil abruptly. 

Many anti-depressants are very difficult to stop, weaning off them should be done with great care and slowly. If his dr. doesn't regularly help his patients stop Paxil, your h should find a dr. who does.

The writer who suggested Effexor may be mistaken - my understanding is it is also very hard to stop using and not as effective if one stops and restarts. That said, Effexor 150 (maximum dose is 300) works for me, and I plan to be on it for years and years.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Effexor is very hard to stop but rarely RARELY has to be stopped. FWIW 150 is pretty high. It's a lot harder to come down from high dosages.
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