# I finally found a reputable lawyer



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Last week talked to a lawyer that turned out to be a waste of time. Today, I talked to a lawyer highly recommended by a friend down here in Texas who's wife cheated and abandoned he and the kids. The lawyer mentioned we would have a strong case if WW remained out of state for 6 more weeks which would make it 6 months away from me and kids. He said that is the magic number virtually making my case winnable when it comes to the kids. The issue I have now is do I wait, or take a chance with what my gut is telling me: my wife does not want me or the kids. I know she loves them dearly, but she has stated before that it's too stressful down here with me and the kids. Also, I might be taking a chance of waiting and then she files before I do. He said if the case goes smoothly it would cost around $2500. Ouch. Should I just get a second opinion? Thanks


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

It sounds like you have an excellent lawyer. I would wait the 6 weeks.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Wait the 6 weeks.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Wait the 6 weeks and be as accommodating to her as you can reasonably be so she doesn`t get any vibes that you`re actively protecting yourself until it`s too late.

A consult with a second lawyer is never a bad idea either.

$2500.00 sounds cheap.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Good for you HD, manned up an' all. I'm proud of you!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I say roll the dice and wait for the 6 weeks. Like you said in your other thread, she's still looking for a job. Her Dad's supporting her. AND she's too busy having fun and living the single life. She's also been nice to you too. I'm just guessing based on what you've described to this date. She's cake eating and in no hurry to file for divorce, she may even be keeping you on the line as her back up plan in case she gets tired of fooling around up there in Wisconsin.

So keep things cordial with her, and not let her know that you are waiting for the next 6 weeks.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I've been doing the 180, documenting and spending as much time with my kids and biding my time until the 6 months of her leaving gives me the huge upper hand in court (just in case she decides to make it difficult). I know she is still communicating with the OM still, and is on a singles meet up website. Last night she chatted with the kids and then asked to chat with me. She asked if I also feel that the marriage is basically over because I no longer talk to her. I almost screamed. Seriously? Is this her excuse that the marriage is over? Because we don't have long distance chats? She still doesn't know that I know what she is doing (the OM and singles). I bit my lip and just said , yes I feel it's in our best interests as well as the kids that we end this state of limbo and move forward. I told her she knew I was not going to have a long-distance "relationship" with her while she lived far away. She said she would like to have joint custody with the kids. Not sure how that works out when she is living in another state. She asked if I wanted to go to the counselor while she comes down for a few days to visit the kids next week while she gets some medical work done. I said I didn't think going to the counselor was necessary. What's the f'n' point? I told her we will need to sit down to hash out what we want this to look like (post-divorce). I am about to call my lawyer today to tell him this and that we may not be able to wait till December to file.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Wait the 6 weeks and be as accommodating to her as you can reasonably be so she doesn`t get any vibes that you`re actively protecting yourself until it`s too late.
> 
> A consult with a second lawyer is never a bad idea either.
> 
> $2500.00 sounds cheap.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

An unfortunate developement. Is she out of her mind? How can she have joint custody living in Wisconsin? What she really wants is to not have to pay child support, or as little child support as possible. She really doesn't want to raise the kids, but she does miss them. She's talking to OM and her toxic cousin and they're the one giving her this advice most likely.

Contact your lawyer ASAP and see what he has to say. You just may have to pull the trigger on D sooner than later.

Or you could possibly play act, say you might still want to continue the marriage, hopefuly buying you the month that you need to make this a slam dunk. 

Follow your lawyers advice.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

$2500 sounds right if it's an uncontested divorce and she merely signs the divorce papers and walks away. It will be more if you fight it out in court. The $2500 is probably just a retainer. If it is simple that is probably all you will have to pay. If it gets comicated he will go over that and will start billing you by the hour.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Good luck HD. No one deserves a wife/mother that would abandon their family. Hope you find someone soon.

Please do everything in your power to get full custody. I will bet that someday the children will reallyhavr a grudge against their mother.

Hope you can find a good woman to give them the love they deserve. Its never to early to start looking.

Your stbxw is truly lucky I won't be the judge.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You may want to consider stoping the 180 for 6 weeks so she doesn't get any vibes. Tell her that you miss her and want her back. Chances are that might throw her off your scent that you are up to something.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My lawyer called me today and said we should file now while my wife is in town. He said it would be more expensive having to serve her once she's back in Minnesota. My wife will be here till Thirsday and he thought the time is ripe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Right on, HD! Right on!

Great news!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I cant think of a more appropriate gift you can give her, than divorce papers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Take her to the cleaners - BTW.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Just had a thought - HD - I hope your boundaries are now on display with her. I'm thinking the D will drive her to wanting to come home to display what a wonderful mom she is to the kids she abandoned.

Hope you stick to your guns and keep her at a distance.


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## newlife94 (Aug 11, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Good luck HD. No one deserves a wife/mother that would abandon their family. Hope you find someone soon.
> 
> Please do everything in your power to get full custody. I will bet that someday the children will reallyhavr a grudge against their mother.
> 
> ...


:iagree:
I hope my stbxh sees the light when he realizes that our boys no longer respect him, do not look up to him and actually want to be the opposite of the man that he is. Back before the A they used to say they wanted to be like him, he has only spoken to them about 5 minutes each in the past 4-5 months. NO emails, no letters, nothing!!! WTF????? He has been deployed, but that is NOT an excuse. There are plenty of men that are still behaving like Fathers! 
I also hope to have a great influence in their life and someone I can be truly happy with. HD, you will find someone that will love you and your kids. Good luck to you as you get through this.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

lordmayhem said:


> An unfortunate developement. Is she out of her mind? How can she have joint custody living in Wisconsin? What she really wants is to not have to pay child support, or as little child support as possible. She really doesn't want to raise the kids, but she does miss them. She's talking to OM and her toxic cousin and they're the one giving her this advice most likely.
> 
> Contact your lawyer ASAP and see what he has to say. You just may have to pull the trigger on D sooner than later.
> 
> ...


I agree, joint custody is her way of getting out of child support. My H agreed to me being the primary parent at first, then he consulted with a lawyer and all of a sudden wanted 50/50 parenting, child support would have wiped him out. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

OK. I'm kinda stuck between emotions and possible strategy? My wife is flying in tonight to get some medical work done here in town this week and then returns to Minny. She has not told me if she plans on staying with me and the kids while she's here (she did last time). She hasn't told her dad if she plans to stay with him. He lives 10 minutes from me and also is picking her up at the airport. So if she asks, do I say no? My emotions tell me to say no because she doesn't deserve to set foot in my house. But it could piss her off and possible make things difficult with the upcoming divorce. Right now, it seems she wants a divorce and to continue enjoying the single life with no family burden. And that would make the divorce process easy in my opinion. And a hell of a lot cheaper. So do I say no, or bite my lip and let her stay for the next 4 days?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Act with your head and not your heart.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

So do I say no, or bite my lip and let her stay for the next 4 days?---------No
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You say no for the same reasons a before.

You know she likely doesn't want to stay there anyway because it won't look right or property her bf. like she might be cheating on him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> OK. I'm kinda stuck between emotions and possible strategy? My wife is flying in tonight to get some medical work done here in town this week and then returns to Minny. *She has not told me if she plans on staying with me and the kids while she's here (she did last time). *She hasn't told her dad if she plans to stay with him. He lives 10 minutes from me and also is picking her up at the airport. *So if she asks, do I say no?* My emotions tell me to say no because she doesn't deserve to set foot in my house. But it could piss her off and possible make things difficult with the upcoming divorce. Right now, it seems she wants a divorce and to continue enjoying the single life with no family burden. And that would make the divorce process easy in my opinion. And a hell of a lot cheaper. So do I say no, or bite my lip and let her stay for the next 4 days?


Houstondad- Why do you even bother to post? You know, and anyone who has even vaguely followed your story knows that you are going to let her stay with you. You know that when you eventually get around to having her served with divorce papers (a couple of years from now), that she will make some kind of noise about reconciling and that when she does, you will completely stop the divorce process. 

So go ahead and roll out the red carpet for her, and stop pretending that you don't like the abuse.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

In a previous thread you posed a similar question and many of us told you to tell her NO to her staying over because of the negative impact it would have on your children with raising their hopes only to have them crash and burn. This is still a valid and extremely important reason. As a father, it is your duty to protect your children's well being even if it means saying NO to their mother.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

NotLikeYou- Your "reverse psychology" or whatever the #### you wanna call it sucks. I post because I appreciate the advice I get here. Empathy goes a long ways. Constructive criticism too. It's been a long ass road for me and I get stronger every day. I have fought the demons of limbo and finally reaching peace with divorcing my wife. I wanted to be sure because once I file, I'm never turning back, and I'm 110% certain of this. Life is never as black and white like you might think. I don't know your story, but I sure as hell wouldn't criticize you. I would offer encouragement because I know what the rollercoaster is like. When my divorce is final and my kids and I are looking forward to the rising sun each and every day you can come on here and apologize for sounding like an ass.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Vent away; reality is if you let your wife stay with you she has further grounds to claim she is reconciling. You are aware of this ! So why let her stay with you ? Why hurt your children ?

The answer is still ----no 

and make sure you use her abandonment to gain primary custody of your children .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Morituri- I agree this is an important decision to make. I want to protect my kids. Maybe I overanalyze too darn much. I just don't want to rock the boat as I enter divorce because I don't want it to get ugly, costly, and risk the slim possibility of losing my kids to her. I know the odds are overwhelmingly in my favor because of status quo, but I'm just trying to be careful it doesn't turn ugly and suddenly she hires a psycho lawyer and I go broke because of this. Is this concern valid?


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Eli- How can she claim she is reconciling when she only stays for a few days and is back up north with her cousin. Yes, she could suddenly go crazy for the kids and try to claim sole custody of them. But her actions tell me she wants the single life, less responsibility, less stress, and no hard work of repairing a damaged marriage.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

And I'm not saying you guys are wrong. On the contrary I do see your point. That's why I'm here questioning which direction I should go. It's just that right now I feel that my concern of rocking the boat with this could create a volatile divorce which I don't want.


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## Onedery (Sep 22, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> Eli- How can she claim she is reconciling when she only stays for a few days and is back up north with her cousin. Yes, she could suddenly go crazy for the kids and try to claim sole custody of them. But her actions tell me she wants the single life, less responsibility, less stress, and no hard work of repairing a damaged marriage.


Is she planning to have any children with her "cousin"? If so, maybe the system will give you some consideration.
Don't wish to alarm you, but if your attorney and, perhaps any she ends up hiring at your expense have a good working relationship with the judge, they may already be conspiring to take everything away from you to be split up later via legal expenses.
Believe me, it happens.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> Eli- How can she claim she is reconciling when she only stays for a few days and is back up north with her cousin. Yes, she could suddenly go crazy for the kids and try to claim sole custody of them. But her actions tell me she wants the single life, less responsibility, less stress, and no hard work of repairing a damaged marriage.



Never underestimate what a wayward will do , you are makings assumptions on what you think she wants . You are not a mind reader and for all you know she is getting advice on what to do .

Follow a firm line , she abandoned her family , the condition for return is all the boundaries are met before she enters the house again . Until then she stays away .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Houston Dad, let her stay where she wants. And just hope its at your dads. But in truth It would be best if she stayed with you. Why? Because it shows you trying to get along. And it also shows that each time she comes back and you ask her to stay for you and the kids, it shows the court and the world, that she is more then willing to abandon her kids and husband. And therefor does not deserve any custody at all. It proves that you would still be with her (even though she is a cheating skank). That says a lot in court. The one that leaves is at fault.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> NotLikeYou- Your "reverse psychology" or whatever the #### you wanna call it sucks. I post because I appreciate the advice I get here. Empathy goes a long ways. Constructive criticism too. It's been a long ass road for me and I get stronger every day. I have fought the demons of limbo and finally reaching peace with divorcing my wife. I wanted to be sure because once I file, I'm never turning back, and I'm 110% certain of this. Life is never as black and white like you might think. I don't know your story, but I sure as hell wouldn't criticize you. I would offer encouragement because I know what the rollercoaster is like. When my divorce is final and my kids and I are looking forward to the rising sun each and every day you can come on here and apologize for sounding like an ass.


Better! Now work really hard on focusing this kind of emotion on the person who put you in this state of affairs and maybe you'll make some progress.


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