# trial seperation question



## hummingangel (Mar 11, 2017)

Hi I am new here. I just recently moved out of my house because me and my husband are going through a trial separation. I say trial because I do want to work things out but i need some time to think things through and for him to realize he messed up. (he cheated) so we had booked a trip for our anniversary but we canceled it due to this separation. however my mom was the one paying for the resort and so she gave the trip to my sister so she wouldn't lose all her points. well my sister didn't want to go by herself and i am her best friend so she asked me to go and paid for my airline ticket so i am only paying for food. so my question is he is all butt hurt because im going on this trip because this was our trip and i shouldn't be going since WE are not going. Am i being really rude by going on this trip even though we had to cancel it anyway because we are separated.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

hummingangel said:


> Hi I am new here. I just recently moved out of my house because me and my husband are going through a trial separation. I say trial because I do want to work things out but i need some time to think things through and for him to realize he messed up. (he cheated) so we had booked a trip for our anniversary but we canceled it due to this separation. however my mom was the one paying for the resort and so she gave the trip to my sister so she wouldn't lose all her points. well my sister didn't want to go by herself and i am her best friend so she asked me to go and paid for my airline ticket so i am only paying for food. so my question is he is all butt hurt because im going on this trip because this was our trip and i shouldn't be going since WE are not going. Am i being really rude by going on this trip even though we had to cancel it anyway because we are separated.


NO 

**** Him


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

The man cheated on you, tell him to suck it up. He'd be the one enjoying a trip with you if he'd kept his zipper in the upright and locked position. He got to enjoy the charms of another woman, the least you get to enjoy is a trip with your sister.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

It may appear to him that you planned the separation so that you and your sister could take the trip without him.

Since you say that you want to get back together, you should consider what your actions / decisions may look like to him.

What kind of guidelines have you and he decided? Can you two see members of the opposite sex? Have sex with them? for example.


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## hummingangel (Mar 11, 2017)

we have set guidelines. we talk to each other once a week to discuss the marriage. we go to couple counseling 2 a month. we do not date other people and especially no sex.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

He needs to experience consequences for his actions.

This trip without him is just that.

He needs to worry about losing you.

So he never cheats again.

That is why I am usually so adamant about starting the divorce process and not following thru with it.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

No. You are not being rude. Just go. You are separated, just stick to your separation's agreement.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Sorry, cheater. When you give up a marriage, you give up the anniversary and the associated trip. Have a great time with your sister and live it up!


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

You aren't going on the trip to punish him, you're going because your best friend asked you to go with her and because you will enjoy yourself. Frankly your husband needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around him - whether you are separated or not. If you weren't separated, would he begrudge you a similar opportunity? 

I get that he might feel insecure and "left out", but as previous posters have pointed out, that is really a consequence of his actions and choices. Suggest that he put some time and effort into planning something that he'd like to do with you when your separation is over. I'd remind your husband that you intend to stick to the terms of your separation agreement. And fully expect him to do the same.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Too bad for him.
Missing out on a trip should be the LEAST of his worries right now.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

No, but he's being really rude to even have the gall to complain about you going. Seriously dude? And you want to get back with this whining cheater why?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Take the trip and try to have a good time! It may well give you and your sister time together to discuss the merits of your marital future with him!

Do keep in mind that in the overriding number of "trial separations," usually one or both marital partners entertain using it for cheating outside of the scope of vision of the other spouse!

At least it was treated that way in my own personal "trial separation" by my RSXW!*


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> It may appear to him that you planned the separation so that you and your sister could take the trip without him.


Considering the separation is due to his affair how on Earth could he possibly think she planned it to go on a trip with her sister?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> Considering the separation is due to his affair how on Earth could he possibly think she planned it to go on a trip with her sister?


I need to learn to skim better. My bad.

He still may be thinking what I suggested. So now we know he has entitlement issues.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It's laughable that the man cheated on you and then claims you're being rude.

I can't even get my head around it. Honestly, if he is as entitled as he seems by your description of these events, I'd just divorce him.

He's a cheater. They often remain cheaters, just get better at not getting caught.
JMO


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

hummingangel said:


> Hi I am new here. I just recently moved out of my house because me and my husband are going through a trial separation. I say trial because I do want to work things out but i need some time to think things through and for him to realize he messed up. (he cheated) so we had booked a trip for our anniversary but we canceled it due to this separation. however my mom was the one paying for the resort and so she gave the trip to my sister so she wouldn't lose all her points. well my sister didn't want to go by herself and i am her best friend so she asked me to go and paid for my airline ticket so i am only paying for food. so my question is he is all butt hurt because im going on this trip because this was our trip and i shouldn't be going since WE are not going. Am i being really rude by going on this trip even though we had to cancel it anyway because we are separated.


Humming Angel,

Too bad he is butt hurt. He only has himself to blame, please let him see that, if he hadn't cheated and blew up your marriage he would be going instead, now it is time for him to suck it up. Boo hoo!

Do not get sucked into his drama, go and enjoy yourself and be thankful you have your sister with you. Instead of playing victim your WH should be trying to figure out how to make things right in your marriage. You need to be more assertive, it sounds like you succumb to his bulls***. Stand up for yourself and let him know where he stands exactly. He is not entitled to the trip, your mother paid for it, he is not family, tell him that.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

He cheated and he's the one that's butt hurt?!!!! Tell him to take his butt hurt and shove it up his. . . . . 

Seriously though. Go on the trip and have fun.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

He has a lot of gall being upset when he was the one that violated your marriage. 

He has entitlement issues which could stem from you in previous issues giving him all the power.

He is the one who cheated yet is expecting provisions from you by not going on the trip without him...ludicrous 

He should be doing whatever it takes to get your marriage back on track.....and I mean anything and everything.... which will show you that he is truly remorseful and wants to save your marriage.

He is playing the victim and trying to make you guilty for going on the trip without him....don’t...it’s all a tactic designed to keep his control over you and the marriage, maybe this has worked in previous issues and you have given in and acquised him.

Take back your power and be strong and show him that you will be fine with or without him, that he will no longer influence your decisions.

It’s not to say that if he works on himself and shows true remorse and is regretful about straying that you can’t reconcile down the road.

Detaching and taking care of yourself now will only make your stronger and wiser to be able to deal with him in the long run.

The fact that you are asking this question and the fact that he is even making you feel guilty about going on this trip without you shows that you have given away your power and have allowed him to have a lot more control than he deserves.

Hell Yes....go on this trip and have a good time. You will get a chance to get your thoughts and actions in order while relaxing in an idyllic environment.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

Go. Behave yourself while you're there and don't tell him what you doing or what you did when you get back. 

He wants separation. Give him separation. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## jruck32 (Oct 6, 2017)

From someone that has been burned more than once, I would suggest that you take some time and consider whether you want to trust this person again. And then think about it again. The separation shouldn't be to just teach him a lesson - you need to gain something from it as well.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No. 

Too bad for him that his actions caused this consequence. He sounds like a spoiled brat. Why would you want someone like that back?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

The answer is too bad, let him sulk and and remind him that there are consequences to his actions...enjoy yourself....are you sure you want to stay with him.


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