# Don't know where to start...



## maddad (Feb 6, 2011)

I've recently found out that my wife of 12 yrs has secretly been chatting with another man from jolly ol England. She has in the past accepted total strangers on her msn account as well as facebook and carried on various chats with them. Twice, I have found out about these "friends" and asked her to stop. This last time, it has been going on for at least 3 months, usually for an hour nearly every day. I recently went to our local mental health clinic for help with depression. It has taken its toll on our family, especially my wife. For the last year( maybe longer), she's been expressing to me that she was unhappy, fed up with us, etc.
Last week I discovered the OM on her skype call logs. Im ashamed to say that i went looking for proof, mostly to ease my own insecurities. Shortly after that, i found myself the "quiet room" at the local hospital. There, I spent the next 9 hours talking to various doctors/psychiatrists. For the first time in many months/years I finally have an understanding of why I behave the way I do and how i can treat this depression with drugs and counselling. I feel more alive right now than I can remember.
That night when I returned home, she asked for a separation. She said that she needs time to work out her feelings and that I would be better able to help myself if I wasnt there with her and our three children. She doesnt want to continue the cycle of depression that has been going on for so long. I understand her frustrations but i dont feel that is the best idea right now. 
Now that ive told her i know what's going on, she's furious. She has completly withdrawn from me despite and won't talk to me about anything that involves us. 
She is at a meeting with a counsuler right now. I pray that it helps.
What can i do besides trying to fix myself?


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## mugel7 (Feb 6, 2011)

All you can do is work on yourself. She has said she is unhappy. Would she consider marriage counseling?
I certainly know how you feel. My wife of 39 years confessed to me last week that she has been having an affair for the last 6 months. I am devastated. I feel like throwing up everyday I wake up. Hang in there and do what is best for you.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> She said that she needs time to work out her feelings and that I would be better able to help myself if I wasnt there with her and our three children


You never leave your home, if she leaves she leaves on her own without the children.

Lock your finances down in case. 

Now that you have confronted her you move swiftly and tell her parents , siblings and a couple of her close friends she is in the affair.

Track down the OM details , check if he is on facebook. If he is, note his friends details into word and post an update. We have words for you to send to his family advising them he is having an affair with your wife. The intent is to get this man out of your wifes life so you can focus on your marriage.

Your wife is going to accuse you, shout at you, lie and many others things , this is her evil twin talking so do not despair. he behavior is typical of a wicked spouse. 

Look after your heath.


Below is an extract from another post. 




> You access your wife's facebook page and copy all her friends details into a secure area, into word etc.
> 
> You do the same for the OM ..
> 
> ...




You adapt your home behaviors and run what is called a Plan A

You do not compromise on the Plan or the effort required to break the affair. Do not accept fault for the affair , this is 100% your wifes doing.

Only once the affair stops can you work on the issues within the marriage



> > The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A
> >
> >
> > The carrot of Plan A
> ...


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Read the following from the affaircare site

Articles

and from the marriage builders site. 

Articles


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## maddad (Feb 6, 2011)

wow. Thats alot more than i was expecting. 

Ive called her family and friends at work. Ive also contacted OM via skype. He wouldnt chat with me but i did send off a text letting him know that 1. I know about him 2. That ive asked my wife to stop the relationship and 3. to please not contact her for the sake of our family. 

She is furious. I calmly explained that it wasnt my fault and that i expect her to stop. She hasn't talked to me since. I feel great. Not because she's angry but I kept my emotions in check.No tears, no guilt, nothing

I have already told her that i do not intend to leave this house, nor will i be giving up on this relationship. I have lost for long enough and I'm not leaving. 

Ive been looking for the OM for a week now.Ive only found his skype account. He isnt on her facebook and i have'nt been able to match pic there either. But I am working on it.

This has been a great day. I'll keep posting as things progress. Thank you all so much.


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