# Opinions please



## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

I need some opinons. In case you haven't seen my background I have been separated from my WS since 6/30/12. We have been married 28 years and I found out he was having an affair. I asked him to move out and he did and in with the PosOW.

One Saturday I decided to go to our lake house and when I arrived caught them in bed together. I did not know he would be there especially since he told our DD that if he went he would come get her to go with him. Needless to say I went berserk and tried to beat the crap out of PosOW but my husband kept getting in between us until she could get dressed and go lock herself in WS's truck. My WS and I had words (so to speak). They left. After an hour or so of crying, I started packing up the house. I took all the towels, sheets, silverware, pillows, etc. basically everything except a few dishes and the furniture and only because I didn't have room for any more. I even took all of the toliet paper (even off of the rolls). PosOW left a few blouses which I proceeded to cut into a million pieces. (I know real mature, right?)

Last week, my WS says he is moving to the lakehouse and wanted to know if he could have the stuff back for the house. I told him that I would give him the stuff back if he promised not to take PosOW there. He said he couldn't promise what he might do in the future. So today, he said he went to the lakehouse and had planned on moving there but I still haven't given him the stuff back. I replied that he could have it anytime he asks for it. I then asked him "So when are ya'll moving there?" He responded there is no "Ya'll". 

So my dilemma... should I give him back all the stuff for the lakehouse???? I don't really need it but it just makes me sick that he might take PosOW there. The only reason I think she might be moving there at some point is because her apt. lease is up the middle of October. I know that I can't stop him for seeing her if he wants to but I don't want to make it convenient for him to take her there either if that is what he has planned.


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

You don't have any obligation to make things easy for him. I think destruction of the OW's property might have been over the top, but I think you get that, too.

My opinion (lame as it might be) is that the OW will be coming to the lake house. You know she will. She already has. If he wants to set up a love nest there, he can do it out his own pocket.

Have you talked to an attorney? You might benefit from getting a separation agreement or decree in place which basically prohibits anyone doing anything with the martial property while the divorce process its moving along. In the separation paperwork, you can spiell out who lives where and who is - and is not - permitted to stay in jointly owned property during the process.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> I know that I can't stop him for seeing her if he wants to but I don't want to make it convenient for him to take her there either if that is what he has planned.


The thing is, if you don't give him the stuff he needs to live at the lakehouse, he'll simply go and buy them which puts a bigger dent in your marital assets.

A separation agreement and perhaps filing for divorce is what you should do instead of holding onto 'things'.

What is the financial dynamic of the marriage? Who earns what percentage?


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

That is what I am afraid of HurtnOhio. Unfortunatley, a separation agreement is not legal in Texas and he wouldn't agree to one anyway.

True synthetic. I have already filed for divorce but he says he doesn't know if he wants one. He just doesn't know what he wants right now. 

As far as earnings, we make about the same. Difference is he is retired and his is mailbox money $4K a month and I have to work for mine. Of course the lakehouse is paid for and the house I am living in is not.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Baseballmom6 said:


> That is what I am afraid of HurtnOhio. Unfortunatley, a separation agreement is not legal in Texas and he wouldn't agree to one anyway.
> 
> True synthetic. I have already filed for divorce *but he says he doesn't know if he wants one. He just doesn't know what he wants right now.*
> 
> As far as earnings, we make about the same. Difference is he is retired and his is mailbox money $4K a month and I have to work for mine. Of course the lakehouse is paid for and the house I am living in is not.


Don't go by what he is saying.

Go by what he is doing.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> Don't go by what he is saying.
> 
> Go by what he is doing.


He's having sex with posOW.

That means you are plan B for him - at best.

No one deserves that.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

hurtnohio said:


> You don't have any obligation to make things easy for him.


No offense, but you don't have to be a bi1ch either. Your actions may get held agaisnt you in court. Ask yourself how your actions would be interpreted by an outside party. It is always best to take the higher road, as much as it sucks.

As an example, just because he had an affair does not give you special rights. The OW could have filed for assault after the lakehouse incident.



hurtnohio said:


> you can spell out who lives where and who is - and is not - permitted to stay in jointly owned property during the process.


Good luck getting that enforced.



Baseballmom6 said:


> should I give him back all the stuff for the lakehouse?


Why not? It is joint marital property and he is entitled to an equitable distribution of said property. 

If it were me, I would buy new stuff just to drive up the joint asset value to get a better settlement. 



Baseballmom6 said:


> I have already filed for divorce but he says he doesn't know if he wants one. He just doesn't know what he wants right now.


In todays no-fault system, he does not have to agree at all. File the paperwork and work it through the court system.

I would not waste the time (read as $$$) on a fault based divorce, the burden of proof is fairly high.



Baseballmom6 said:


> As far as earnings, we make about the same. Difference is he is retired and his is mailbox money $4K a month and I have to work for mine. Of course the lakehouse is paid for and the house I am living in is not.


Based on earnings, I see both parties keeping their respective income with little to no alimony. Not sure if children are involved under 18.

Everything else should be considered in the asset distribution. Each party is entitled to an equitable distribution of joint assets. You all will have to work together to reach an agreement on who gets what and who gets to live where. This is just a business transaction now and treat it as such. The more you both can keep the emotion out, the better (and cheaper) this will work out for you.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

You two need to move forward with splitting your assets. 

Tell your husband that the events of this weekend have helped you realize that you need to formalize your split. As a good will gesture bring back everything to the lake house with the exception of your own personal heirlooms.

Get realtors to assess the lake house and the house you are living in. Tell your husband that he needs to buy out your share of the lake house, and that you two need to split the equity in your current house. You guys also need to split your $$ -- retirement accounts, etc. 

Staying in this relationship is toxic for you. Of course you are angry and you should be angry. Bu try to set up your life so you won't be faced with triggering situations that will make you do things that you will later regret.


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