# Broken or Shortened Plans



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

What is your take/thoughts/feelings on the following:

Four weeks ago I made plans to attend a show with my W that is to be held in the afternoon. A catered event. Nothing fancy, --4 hours tops and we go home. She was agreeable to it. If it was an issue my W would have stated so. In the weeks prior to the event my W had chit chat with her family concerning a spur of the moment fall type party(outside, fire pits, smores, etc). My W discussed dates that all would be available. As you can guess, the date agreed upon for this fall party is the same date I had scheduled the afternoon event. Now, one would think, go to the afternoon event and arrive home to start the fall party that evening. Easy right? Well, if any has thrown a party the hours prior to said party is spent getting food and other items ready. So, you know where this is going. W suggest taking two cars so she can leave early and I can take my time at this event with the other H and W attending. Basically a drive by visit, make my H "happy" because I showed up. Let's go to what I really want to do for the day. We spoke about it briefly last night. I asked what the point was for taking two cars for her to be there for an hour or so then leaving? It is pointless to me. 

What is your thoughts with this? Part of me says to let it go. There will be other events. But, who is to say my W will not pull the same next time because it was not an issue the prior time?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Wife, we already have plans for that time slot. I understand that your family is important, but I am also your family and this is something I want us to attend together in full. Anything that you could do in that extra hour to prepare for the party can be done at home in the previous evening. I'd love to work on it with you.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

In my home, family or not, if plans are already made for that date, that's it. Short of a death or a serious accident the dated plan stands.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> Wife, we already have plans for that time slot. I understand that your family is important, but I am also your family and this is something I want us to attend together in full. Anything that you could do in that extra hour to prepare for the party can be done at home in the previous evening. *I'd love to work on it with you.*


You have no idea the amount of time I "work on it" for my W and her family when it comes to paying for, prep and clean up of parties. Christmas time we(I) host 30 or so of my W family members. Much of my family is dead and or not close enough to make sense for a visit to this party. Where as my W family is but a few miles away. I have done my due diligence entertaining her side of the family.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> You have no idea the amount of time I "work on it" for my W and her family when it comes to paying for, prep and clean up of parties. Christmas time we(I) host 30 or so of my W family members. Much of my family is dead and or not close enough to make sense for a visit to this party. Where as my W family is but a few miles away. I have done my due diligence entertaining her side of the family.


So what does this mean? That you were already planning on doing it together or that you're sick of participating in the prep work for parties?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rob_1 said:


> In my home, family or not, if plans are already made for that date, that's it. Short of a death or a serious accident the dated plan stands.


That is the thing, she went ahead with the plans and reading my W, as I have learned over the years, I could see she was looking to formulate some plan to satiate me while looking to set up a evening party. 

For me, I would much rather hear, "I know we made plans but I have a fall party were most if not all can attend on this date as there is no other date that works, would you mind if I did not attend your event?" I would be ok with going alone. Not a huge deal in the large scheme of things. I could take that easier than a cursory drive by to show face and lack luster attempt to make me happy or appear to want to be there.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> So what does this mean? That you were already planning on doing it together or that you're sick of participating in the prep work for parties?


I always help my W with parties. Physically with prep, clean up and monetarily. So, the idea of stating I would like to help her with it the night prior is a given. My W knows I will be there to help. I have no issue with prep and help(but her family does eat, drink all the hooch and leaves a mess. There is never any reciprocation as to a party at their homes were my W and I do nothing but attend. That is a whole other thread). But, besides that, I'm now into helping with a spur of the moment party. My event is now rushed, secondary and what to appears an annoyance.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@Yeswecan: I don't know about you, really, but it sounds like you're kind of weak with your wife. I wouldn't never had allow it if this was my situation. Hell would have to freeze over before that would happens with me.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> I always help my W with parties. Physically with prep, clean up and monetarily. So, the idea of stating I would like to help her with it the night prior is a given. My W knows I will be there to help. I have no issue with prep and help(but her family does eat, drink all the hooch and leaves a mess. There is never any reciprocation as to a party at their homes were my W and I do nothing but attend. That is a whole other thread). But, besides that, I'm now into helping with a spur of the moment party. My event is now rushed, secondary and what to appears an annoyance.


I'm not sure exactly what you want. Do you want her to plan her party for another date? Do you want her to go with you and have a positive, happy attitude about it, then go to the other party afterwards?

I think it's important for her to understand that you expect her to follow through on the date she had planned with you and that you want her fully present with you at your event.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rob_1 said:


> @Yeswecan: I don't know about you, really, but it sounds like you're kind of weak with your wife. I wouldn't never had allow it if this was my situation. Hell would have to freeze over before that would happens with me.


In some respects I am weak when it comes to certain events in our lives. In others, not so much. Being a hard azz all the time is not always the answer. We have been married 25 years come April. We picked our battles carefully to get there. And this is one of those. The situation here is all could be prepped the evening before. My W can attend my event the entire time, however, she is formulating and working on not having to attend the entire time.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> In* my* home, family or not, if plans are already made for that date, that's it. Short of a death or a serious accident the dated plan stands.


We have the same rule. However, it is interesting to me that you used the bolded word instead of "our".


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> I always help my W with parties. Physically with prep, clean up and monetarily. So, the idea of stating I would like to help her with it the night prior is a given. My W knows I will be there to help. I have no issue with prep and help(but her family does eat, drink all the hooch and leaves a mess. There is never any reciprocation as to a party at their homes were my W and I do nothing but attend. That is a whole other thread). But, besides that, I'm now into helping with a spur of the moment party. My event is now rushed, secondary and what to appears an annoyance.


I wouldn’t be in this situation to start with,I don’t let people walk over me.
But seeing as you are,why does this party have to be at your house?
Your wife and her family sees you as a soft touch,sure you may get a little passive aggressive but you will soon come around and feed her family and then clean up after them.
Either accept what you are or change, it’s up to you.
And the first thing you need to do is tell your in-laws to party elsewhere.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> I'm not sure exactly what you want. Do you want her to plan her party for another date? Do you want her to go with you and have a positive, happy attitude about it, then go to the other party afterwards?
> 
> I think it's important for her to understand that you expect her to follow through on the date she had planned with you and that you want her fully present with you at your event.


I would want my W or anyone's W/H to think, no party that day because I have a previously planned event. My W thought that but went ahead anyway with a evening party and began the process of keeping me happy while planning party(knowing full well she would need the time prior to guests arriving for prep. The party she planned on the spur of the moment should have been planned another date. At this juncture, showing up at the event already planned with marred with wanting to leave as quickly as possible to get to house to set things up. There will be no happy attitude. Just one of urgency. 

I agree that it should be important for her to understand that she is expected to follow through and be fully present on plans. This is what I was looking for. Thanks!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@personofinerest said: "We have the same rule. However, it is interesting to me that you used the bolded word instead of "our".
So what if I phrase it that way.?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> I wouldn’t be in this situation to start with,I don’t let people walk over me.
> But seeing as you are,why does this party have to be at your house?
> Your wife and her family sees you as a soft touch,sure you may get a little passive aggressive but you will soon come around and feed her family and then clean up after them.
> Either accept what you are or change, it’s up to you.
> And the first thing you need to do is tell your *in-laws* to party elsewhere.


Dead beats the majority of them. They live in apartments that can not host 30 people. The non-dead beat me has a home that can. Thus so it goes. One member does reciprocate with throwing a party but that is usually a struggle. I generally don't mind the parties. It is a good time by and large. But, this time with a planned event that has been summarily put on the back burner, does not sit well with me.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rob_1 said:


> @personofinerest said: "We have the same rule. However, it is interesting to me that you used the bolded word instead of "our".
> So what if I phrase it that way.?


For my W and I, it is our home. Never my home because we both worked for it and maintain the home together. I do not play the king of my castle or other such ideas of what your's is mine and what mine is mine.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Wife I made some plans for US.
I discussed them with you, and you agreed.
You knew the date and everything in advance. ( four weeks)
Your family called and you could have picked another date for 
their party. You picked mine, sorry wrong plan and date.

Guess where I am gong, if you want to come along fine.
I will not be attending the other party. PERIOD !!
She is being very disrespectful to you. If she plans 
something you go to it. Even if you don;t want to be
there. She should do the same. Compromise and communication.
That is what is called a relationship/marriage. Let it happen once
it will keep happening.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> @personofinerest said: "We have the same rule. However, it is interesting to me that you used the bolded word instead of "our".
> So what if I phrase it that way.?


I think most self-aware people would understand that the implication is that your marriage is more of a dictatorship than a team. Of course, all your other posts may have combined to give me that impression.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I agree that your wife is disrespecting you. She is putting you off because she believes that is the path of least resistance. I'm not saying that you should get angry or demanding, but I do think it's important that she fully recognizes that this is not okay with you and that you have expectation on how you ought to be treated. Ideally she should include you in the planning of events that impact you and it should be stated that is your expectation going forward. I also don't think it is unreasonable for you to tell her you want her to change the date, because that one doesn't really work for the two of you.

If an event is going to be at your house, it has to work for you first. That date should never have been considered in the first place.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> *I would want my W or anyone's W/H to think, no party that day because I have a previously planned event.* My W thought that but went ahead anyway with a evening party and began the process of keeping me happy while planning party(knowing full well she would need the time prior to guests arriving for prep. The party she planned on the spur of the moment should have been planned another date. At this juncture, showing up at the event already planned with marred with wanting to leave as quickly as possible to get to house to set things up. There will be no happy attitude. Just one of urgency.
> 
> I agree that it should be important for her to understand that she is expected to follow through and be fully present on plans. This is what I was looking for. Thanks!




Okay, you want the bold. But that ship has already sailed. So, the real question is what would you want to happen now? Sure, you would prefer her to have thought first. But she didn't. Now what? Do you want her to cancel her party? Do you want her to reschedule it? Do you want her to come with you to your event for the full time? Or would you rather she just not attend? She seems to have a bit of trouble putting your wants and plans first. So don't expect her to guess what you want to happen now. Figure it out and tell her.

Me? I'd probably suggest she just not attend the event. See if you can give her ticket to another friend. You mentioned another couple was going too. See if they want to grab dinner or see a show afterward. Your wife has made it clear that plans with you are not her priority, so I don't see why you're obligated to make her last-minute plans your priority. No attitude, no snark, no anger. But be clear, calm and honest: You can't come home to manage the party for her family or clean up afterwards. You literally have other plans already.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

sa58 said:


> Wife I made some plans for US.
> I discussed them with you, and you agreed.
> You knew the date and everything in advance. ( four weeks)
> Your family called and you could have picked another date for
> ...


My W knew the event and spur of the moment party she set up are same day. She is doing her best to make all happy. Never would have happened if she b did not go ahead telling all it is a go. Her gears are turning in the attempt to make all happy. Welcome to the jester of juggle. 

I will still go to my event. That is a given. However, I will not go with W in another vehicle so she can leave early. She will spend her time looking at her watch. Makes for a crappy time. 

As far as not attending the party, seems a bit childish. First, it is at my home. Second, in the evening. But, the prep pulls my W away from our previously planned event.

See first post concerning letting it happen once it will happen again.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Okay, you want the bold. But that ship has already sailed. So, the real question is what would you want to happen now? Sure, you would prefer her to have thought first. But she didn't. Now what? Do you want her to cancel her party? Do you want her to reschedule it? Do you want her to come with you to your event for the full time? Or would you rather she just not attend? She seems to have a bit of trouble putting your wants and plans first. So don't expect her to guess what you want to happen now. Figure it out and tell her.
> 
> Me? I'd probably suggest she just not attend the event. See if you can give her ticket to another friend. You mentioned another couple was going too. See if they want to grab dinner or see a show afterward. Your wife has made it clear that plans with you are not her priority, so I don't see why you're obligated to make her last-minute plans your priority. No attitude, no snark, no anger. But be clear, calm and honest: You can't come home to manage the party for her family or clean up afterwards. You literally have other plans already.


I don't think "that ship has sailed." She should cancel her conflicting plans and think again. This just happened. It should be nipped in the bud, so it doesn't grow any further.

You have to be really clear about your expectations without having an angry or demanding attitude about it. Cool, calm, collected, but serious and clear about what your expectations are and why this isn't working for you. She may get angry, but that should not stop you. She is the one who is changing plans without first consulting you.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> My W knew the event and spur of the moment party she set up are same day. She is doing her best to make all happy. Never would have happened if she b did not go ahead telling all it is a go. *Her gears are turning in the attempt to make all happy.* Welcome to the jester of juggle.


It's not working. She is not making everyone happy. The most important person in her life is unhappy about this.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Okay, you want the bold. But that ship has already sailed. So, the real question is what would you want to happen now? Sure, you would prefer her to have thought first. But she didn't. Now what? Do you want her to cancel her party? Do you want her to reschedule it? Do you want her to come with you to your event for the full time? Or would you rather she just not attend? She seems to have a bit of trouble putting your wants and plans first. So don't expect her to guess what you want to happen now. Figure it out and tell her.
> 
> Me? I'd probably suggest she just not attend the event. See if you can give her ticket to another friend. You mentioned another couple was going too. See if they want to grab dinner or see a show afterward. Your wife has made it clear that plans with you are not her priority, so I don't see why you're obligated to make her last-minute plans your priority. No attitude, no snark, no anger. But be clear, calm and honest: You can't come home to manage the party for her family or clean up afterwards. You literally have other plans already.


I would prefer she say I should not have done this and it will not happen again. I did suggest she not attend the event. It is not a ticketed type of event. So no loss there. I'm still going. The party is in the evening but my W will need to be home prepping for it. It is evident she made her party the priority and me secondary. Thing is...she knows this and is doing her best to juggle/wiggle around it making me happy and keep her family happy with this party.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

It is not. But I am a man that does not hesitates. Last time I did it cost me some money with my investments, never again in any form in my life. Moreover, I could care less if I come across as a dictator. 
My daughters know that I'm a *****cat with them (but they know who's the boss also).
Moreover, from time to time I hear from my wife's friends and acquaintances how good of an opinion/feetback she gives of me. That's what it matters to me, that she thinks of me that good. 

But just to be clear with you, I do not take nor accept **** from nobody. No even from my boss, and he is the sole owner of the business.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

CynthiaDe said:


> I don't think "that ship has sailed." She should cancel her conflicting plans and think again. This just happened. It should be nipped in the bud, so it doesn't grow any further.
> 
> You have to be really clear about your expectations without having an angry or demanding attitude about it. Cool, calm, collected, but serious and clear about what your expectations are and why this isn't working for you. She may get angry, but that should not stop you. She is the one who is changing plans without first consulting you.


I agree. It would be easy enough for her to tell her family that she didn't think about the time conflict, and postpone the family event. It was impromptu, after all.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> It's not working. She is not making everyone happy. The most important person in her life is unhappy about this.


For the win!!! My W senses she has made a mistake. After 25 year one knows how the other acts and reacts.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Are you happy ?

Sounds like you aren't.

You made plans first and she knew that.
Sounds like she is just trying to make her 
family members happy. Not you, sorry just
my viewpoint but disrespectful to you. Also
sounds like you and her need to have a serious
and long talk about this. If she had made her plans
first would you cancel yours ? If so that would show 
you respect her. It should work the other way also.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> I agree. It would be easy enough for her to tell her family that she didn't think about the time conflict, and postpone the family event. It was impromptu, after all.


But my W won't. She'll do everything to make it work out for everyone. It simply will not happen.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Something else I noticed:


Yeswecan said:


> Four weeks ago I made plans to attend a show with my W that is to be held in the afternoon. A catered event. Nothing fancy, --4 hours tops and we go home. She was agreeable to it. If it was an issue my W would have stated so.


When you made your plans, you checked with your wife to be sure that would work for her. There should be reciprocity in marriage. Married people are to consider each other first and have each other's backs. This is showing that she doesn't understand that her behavior is having a negative impact on your relationship or that she is treating you unfairly. If you don't make that clear to her, she will continue to do these kinds of things.

edit to add: I doubt your wife is doing this on purpose. If she doesn't get feedback from you on how you really feel, said in a way that is both clear and stated kindly, how is she going to know?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Sorry @Yeswecan, my last post was intended for @personofinterest. I will not hijack your tread again.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

sa58 said:


> Are you happy ?
> 
> Sounds like you aren't.
> 
> ...


I'm upset about it. 

My W is trying to make all happy. Sadly, at the end of the day, one's significant other should be made happy. My W has let a fall party with her family shadow that. 

If my W made plans first I would never schedule anything at the same time. It creates conflict as we see here.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rob_1 said:


> Sorry @Yeswecan, my last post was intended for @personofinterest. I will not hijack your tread again.


No worries. :smile2:


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> But my W won't. She'll do everything to make it work out for everyone. It simply will not happen.


It is up to you to make it clear to her that it's not working out for everyone, because it is not working out for you. No big explanation or conversation about it. You don't need to make a federal case out of it or make her feel bad. Just tell her that this is not working out for you at all and in the future you expect that she will give you the same courtesy that you give her, which is to check first to see if it works for both of you. Personally, even if you know she won't do it, I would ask her to reschedule her event to a date that works for both of you first. Whoever else can come, great.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

If my family plans a party at my place on a date that I am not going to be there they have 2 choices. Break into my house, or Hold it somewhere else. Book a hotel for after the show. If you win you can share it, If you lose it's more comfortable than the doghouse.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> For the win!!! My W senses she has made a mistake. After 25 year one knows how the other acts and reacts.


That doesn't mean we remain silent. Silence only encourages her to do things like this. She will be uncomfortable, but that isn't the point. The point is that it's important to be clear, even if you think she already knows. When you remain silent, it aids her in denial that there is a problem.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

I didn't think you would schedule anything if
she had made plans. You sound like you love and
respect your wife a great deal. She made this mistake
and created the conflict. If possible she should reschedule
her plans. It isn't a case of if she made a mistake or not,
it is what she or both of you learn from the mistake.
Love and respect each other always, in the end you 
need to lean on each other for support.

Hope it works out well for you.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> It is up to you to make it clear to her that it's not working out for everyone, because it is not working out for you. No big explanation or conversation about it. You don't need to make a federal case out of it or make her feel bad. Just tell her that this is not working out for you at all and in the future you expect that she will give you the same courtesy that you give her, which is to check first to see if it works for both of you. Personally, even if you know she won't do it, I would ask her to reschedule her event to a date that works for both of you first. Whoever else can come, great.


We will have a talk about it(again). I was looking for insight. Your's being the most helpful. I don't use the shame game or make a federal case out of things. Simply put, my W bit off more than she could chew. Did not think it through. Did not see forest for the trees. She was slowly realizing that last night. Started formulating how to get it sorted. The conversation(non-heated or argumentative) never concluded.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

sa58 said:


> I didn't think you would schedule anything if
> she had made plans. You sound like you love and
> respect your wife a great deal. She made this mistake
> and created the conflict. If possible she should reschedule
> ...


It will work out in the end. It always has for the past 25 years. My W is very good at many things that keep our marriage alive, well and growing. Sometime she messes up with things like this. I do the same. In the end we learn, live and grow wiser.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> That doesn't mean we remain silent. Silence only encourages her to do things like this. She will be uncomfortable, but that isn't the point. The point is that it's important to be clear, even if you think she already knows. When you remain silent, it aids her in denial that there is a problem.


I concur overwhelming. We will talk. Just needed some insight.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> But my W won't. She'll do everything to make it work out for everyone. It simply will not happen.


There was a time I was much like your wife, and what I ended up doing was making No ONE happy. I was constantly trying to appease everyone.

I know you cannot change her, but she would be much happier if she wasn't caught in that cycle. As her husband, you should come first.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> I concur overwhelming. We will talk. Just needed some insight.


You came here with a question that you knew the answer to.
You also knew what everyone on tam was going to tell you do.
You say you are going to have a talk with your wife.
I would suggest you TELL your wife that you expect her to attend your function with you and arrange her families shindig for another night.
But you won’t do that,it’s easier to vent to strangers than stand up to your wife.
I noticed that your tone has changed since the start of the post,by midnight you will be telling us about the marvelous,capable homemaker who can organize everything at the drop of a hat that you are married to.🤮


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

We all make mistakes, that makes us human.
I have made my share, my wife to. Communication
is very important, understanding how each other feel.
In order to fix an issue you first have to discuss it.

Learn, live happily, grow wiser and older together.
Make this just a small bump in the road of life and 
move on. I have hit a few in my 30+ of marriage.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> You came here with a question that you knew the answer to.
> You also knew what everyone on tam was going to tell you do.
> You say you are going to have a talk with your wife.
> I would suggest you TELL your wife that you expect her to attend your function with you and arrange her families shindig for another night.
> ...


Thanks for your input, as useless as it is.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

How about your wife preps everything for her event well before you leave to go to your event, so when you get done you come back to your house pre-staged for her party?
That is truly the only way she will make everyone happy. Beyond that, she should postpone her Fall event and you should inform her of those parameters. It gives her an out, she will just have to take more time and effort to make it happen.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Thanks for your input, as useless as it is.


Of course it’s useless,I was never seriously considering that you would stand up for yourself.
Some men are proactive,some are reactive.Everything in your thread screams of compromise.
YOU compromising,not your wife.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Your wife seems to have some difficulty saying no--especially with her family. If she entertains fairly regularly, she knew when she made the arrangements that this would be a problem--hence the juggle. (I speak from experience as party planner, but you knew this yourself.)

Since you two always host, could her family use your home as the setting for the party and THEY be responsible for prep, set-up food, etc.? (Y'all can arrange drinks ahead of time.) 

Problem is, now, there is going to be discomfort between you and wife. When one feels they have been taken advantage of, it creates dissonance, even resentment. Your event will be secondary to whatever follows. You WILL remember this when future parties or events occur. 

This can't be the only time your wishes have been diminished. She knows you will 'take the high ground.' However, it can get kinda cool and cloudy if you spend a lot of time up there.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Of course it’s useless,I was never seriously considering that you would stand up for yourself.
> Some men are proactive,some are reactive.Everything in your thread screams of compromise.
> YOU compromising,not your wife.


Might want to reconsider. Problem solved. Party canceled. W understood the entire issue this has caused. Will not occur in the future. Have a good day Andy1001.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Glad to hear everything worked out well.
Communication and compromise usually works
well. Been there several times, sometimes my 
fault, some the wife. Move on quickly and both 
of you let it go. Many more happy years to
you and your family.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I've seen this kind of family drama too much. It is very good to have this worked out this way so she doesn't get railroaded again. Nothing more healthy than good solid boundaries.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Might want to reconsider. Problem solved. Party canceled. W understood the entire issue this has caused. Will not occur in the future. Have a good day Andy1001.


Wonderful!!!!!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I hope that you both feel good about this outcome. The fact that your wife cancelled her event shows that she respects you and values you. I hope you both have a wonderful time.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> I hope that you both feel good about this outcome. The fact that your wife cancelled her event shows that she respects you and values you. I hope you both have a wonderful time.


And that was of her own doing. My W did not ask, "What do you want me to do?"


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> And that was of her own doing. My W did not ask, "What do you want me to do?"


Yay! That's really great. I'm so glad you two were able to communicate in a loving, healthy manner about what was bothering you and she responded to your needs. It's so nice to see something positive like this on TAM.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Might want to reconsider. Problem solved. Party canceled. W understood the entire issue this has caused. Will not occur in the future. Have a good day Andy1001.


It's great that she recognized the conflict this was having, and made the call to cancel the party. I'm glad it worked out with minimal conflict.

Was this the result of a conversation between you and her (based on this thread), or did she do it on her own before talking with you?

Depending on the circumstances, you may still wish to have a debrief/follow up conversation where you discuss priorities in making decisions like this which will affect both of you, and that she understands that as her husband and partner in all things, you expect her to be a real partner and prioritize you (and your happiness) over her family's wants, the same you would do for you. (I would use all of CynthiaDe's points for this conversation.)

Not a big, hard-core discussion. Just a marital tune-up, so to speak, to keep things in a good and healthy place.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> It's great that she recognized the conflict this was having, and made the call to cancel the party. I'm glad it worked out with minimal conflict.
> 
> Was this the result of a conversation between you and her (based on this thread), or did she do it on her own before talking with you?
> 
> ...


My W canceled based on our conversation. She did not see the forest for the trees. She apologized for how she handled scheduling something else in and around what was scheduled 4 weeks prior. We had a post conversation that entailed mutual agreement when looking to make changes to pre-set plans. Nothing is changed without communication and agreement is established. Each takes priority over family wants.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Sorry, just caught up, so no need for my comments!


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