# He isn't in love with me



## sampson9 (Oct 30, 2015)

I have been with my guy for about 3 months now and lately i have felt us becoming closer and closer. The other day while together i told him i love him...he pulled me close and kissed me after i said it but never said it back.

Later on we spoke over text and he said he thinks i am an amazing girl and would make an amazing wife and partner but he just doesn't have that burning desire of love yet, but he really wants to. I know people fall at different times, but after 3 months i wonder if he will ever have it. Don't guys fall pretty quickly? All previous guys i was with who told me they loved me send it in the first few months. I felt a little gutted.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I have heard that 3 months is about the time that love blossoms or clarity takes over and happy for now defines the relationship.

It's also possibly your guy is afraid of commitment. If you think that is the case your best bet is to break up with him and let him go. Whether he realizes he can't live without you, or goes on with his life, don't spend more time with a man who doesn't return your feelings.

Time for a girls night out and new red shoes!


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

For my wife it was a manipulative game. She said it first and then I said it. Then, a couple weeks after that she said I love you...sometimes. What the hell is that supposed to mean? After that I have never said it to her again. I don't like the gamesmanship of it. If you are going to say, say it , don't cool it down with a bunch qualifiers.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

My STBXW says " I love you as the father of my children"

Yeah ok thanks for that


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Give it time if you are getting closer and you feel that way, don't ruin it just because he can't say I love you yet. If he thinks that you will make an amazing wife some day maybe he is just afraid of what "I Love You" means that doesn't mean you need to give him the boot, people are so quick these days they just sometimes can slow down. 3 months is still young in the relationship.

Now for my husband and I at 3 months we were already engaged and pregnant but it is different for everyone. If there are no other problems in the relationship, don't give up on him just because he can't say I love you. My hubby and I have now been together for 10 years and married for 9 1/2 when he is mad at me, its like pulling teeth to get him to say I love you and it drives me nuts. But I have learned that it is just how he is. Give it more time if you see yourself marrying him some day.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

sampson9 said:


> I have been with my guy for about 3 months now and lately i have felt us becoming closer and closer. The other day while together i told him i love him...he pulled me close and kissed me after i said it but never said it back.
> 
> Later on we spoke over text and he said he thinks i am an amazing girl and would make an amazing wife and partner but he just doesn't have that burning desire of love yet, but he really wants to. I know people fall at different times, but after 3 months i wonder if he will ever have it. Don't guys fall pretty quickly? All previous guys i was with who told me they loved me send it in the first few months. I felt a little gutted.


 
At this point he knows you love him, he thinks highly of you and it sounds like you have a good thing going. 

Leave it at that for now. 

Every person is different, but to me, 3 months is not a long time. 

Stay patient my friend. :smile2:


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> My STBXW says " I love you as the father of my children"
> 
> Yeah ok thanks for that


lol I heard that too. "I will always love you as the mother of my children." 

I can't say the same for him. I love my children. Period.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

That had to hurt. Three months really isn't that long though. You are just getting to know eachother. You could both be saying I love you and that wouldn't really mean much in terms of commitment/long term potential given the newness of the relationship. 

I've dated guys I was crazy about and they me right away but for whatever reason it fizzled out or something happened to bring it to an end. Sometimes people throw out the I love you too quickly. I think you did

How is the relationship otherwise? How does he treat you? How does he make you feel? How is the sex? (if your having sex)

Whether or not you stop seeing him I think would depend on your ability to handle that your in two different places and right now and you are way ahead of him.

If you do continue to see him back up, slow things down, keep your options open, don't give him the majority of your time and head space. Give it a few more months. If nothing changes I would move on.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

sampson9 said:


> Don't guys fall pretty quickly?


I remember being hot and heavy in one relationship, but I knew my career would eventually pull me away from her. I eventually ended the relationship because of perceiving the fact we would run into problems in a few years, but not because of lack of desire.

Have a serious talk about how you EACH see you ideal futures as if each got to do whatever they wanted. Then compare and see if that is what might be causing the conflict. 

He might say, "I am planning to do another master degree and the university I am planning to get into is overseas." Or perhaps you have been saying something similar about your future already, and he just can't see himself in it. 

OR EVEN WORSE, neither of you have any real plans for the future and were hoping to be able to coast on the other person's career. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I think it says a lot about his character to not say he loves you just to keep the sex going. He's probably a pretty good dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> ...he pulled me close and kissed me after i said it but never said it back.


Love is a verb. Its something you do...not just something you say and feel. This guy might want to make sure that what he's feeling is real and long-lasting...and that is a very good thing. He's clearly trying to ensure that you're the one for his long-term plans.

So the question is...do the things he does make you feel loved? 

There was certainly nothing but affection in his response.

Trust me, you want a cautious, thoughtful guy who takes his time with regard to this stuff because when he finally does tell you...you'll know that saying it for him really means something. 

If there's one piece of relationship advice I could give you its...relax, take your time and don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy yourself, relish the present and the future will happen if its going to happen.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Dude007 said:


> I think it says a lot about his character to not say he loves you just to keep the sex going. He's probably a pretty good dude.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally agree and I'm glad you posted that. I was thinking that at least the guy was honest with you but forgot to mention that. Good catch!


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

sampson9 said:


> I have been with my guy for about 3 months now and lately i have felt us becoming closer and closer. The other day while together i told him i love him...he pulled me close and kissed me after i said it but never said it back.
> 
> Later on we spoke over text and he said he thinks i am an amazing girl and would make an amazing wife and partner but he just doesn't have that burning desire of love yet, but he really wants to. I know people fall at different times, but after 3 months i wonder if he will ever have it. Don't guys fall pretty quickly? I felt a little gutted.


Three months isn't that long at all. Some people don't fall for 6 months. Some don't fall for 2 years. And still some don't fall at all. 

And no, not ALL guys fall in love pretty quickly. One guy might fall in love with a woman after dating her for 5 months. That same guy might fall in love with a different woman after only 3 weeks. There's no cut and dry time limit.



> All previous guys i was with who told me they loved me send it in the first few months.


O.k. But here's the thing: You're not with them anymore, are you? Perhaps they said it too quickly and ONE of you realized later that the person who you 'loved' wasn't so great after learning more about them. 

Your guy may be taking his time getting to know you. In another month, he might discover a "deal breaker" about you, and he'll be GLAD that he never told you he loves you. Or, YOU might be the one to find out a deal-breaker about HIM, and call everything off. Wouldn't you feel a little foolish if you had to "change your mind" about loving him?


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

badsanta said:


> I remember being hot and heavy in one relationship, but I knew my career would eventually pull me away from her. I eventually ended the relationship because of perceiving the fact we would run into problems in a few years, but not because of lack of desire.
> 
> Have a serious talk about how you EACH see you ideal futures as if each got to do whatever they wanted. Then compare and see if that is what might be causing the conflict.
> 
> ...


Totally unnecessary to talk about long-term. Hang out and have fun and see where it goes. If he treats you well and SHOWS he cares for you, give it time. Three months is way too soon to worry about your life goals corresponding UNLESS you are in some big hurry to marry now-- which you should not be. You should be looking for the RIGHT person but that reveals itself over time; if you are specifically looking for someone to marry right away, you are going to ignore some red flags and regret it later. 

Enjoy the good things in your relationship. Be grateful you have a good person in your life. Live in the moment.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MRR said:


> Totally unnecessary to talk about long-term. .... Live in the moment.


Said a photographer that had a passion for getting close to volcanoes. 










No lie, this photo was actually recovered from a body of a photographer that loved to live in the moment!


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

MRR said:


> Totally unnecessary to talk about long-term. Hang out and have fun and see where it goes. If he treats you well and SHOWS he cares for you, give it time. Three months is way too soon to worry about your life goals corresponding UNLESS you are in some big hurry to marry now-- which you should not be. You should be looking for the RIGHT person but that reveals itself over time; if you are specifically looking for someone to marry right away, you are going to ignore some red flags and regret it later.


I agree.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It's not good to jump in too fast with love talk......it's just too early to speak these things (even if you feel it really strong.. just hold on to it -allow more time to reveal the chemistry and compatibility)...

As far too often it lets the other down...then Trust takes a dive.... it's just better as a "slow build"... so expectations aren't too high or unrealistic....

Relationship Experts say it takes a good 18 months to be able to tell the difference between *infatuation* vs something genuine with the potential of lasting... I think the love word is thrown around far too easily.. 

In the past 2 days... I witnessed one of our sons -who we KNEW was jumping in too FAST with a girl he just met...clearly rebounding behavior after a devastating break up..... then it all fell apart.. he suddenly realized .. No, this isn't what he wanted... backtracking.. so now they are just friends... (and she is Ok with it -but was hurt, disappointed).. they talked it out for 3 hrs the other night.. I'm sure this was very emotional for them both... they met a little less than 3 months ago... 

Yeah.. I think he's learning his lesson.. start out *S L O W*....and shut your mouth.... no LOVE talk !

Just the flip side if a guy goes there too prematurely ....

Can't speak for your guy though.. Some may have that "Love at 1st sight thing" going on.. this is just a physical stirring.. it doesn't mean the compatibility would be there by any means. It all takes time.. If you feel he is holding back.. not giving as much as you.. this will hurt.. and you may find you need to break up down the road.. every girl has her limits.. Go by his attention.. how he treats you.. he may be one who needs to take things a little slower..


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

It today's world, three months is a long time, considering most couples have already started having sex after three weeks. But in the grand scheme of things, three months isn't very long at all.

He was honest with you, thinks you're great, and desires love with you, so I would give him a little more time. Its not like he's using you, or just wasting your time. He's investing in your relationship, he just doesn't move as fast as you. I'd stay and see what happens.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

sampson9 said:


> I have been with my guy for about 3 months now and lately i have felt us becoming closer and closer. The other day while together i told him i love him...he pulled me close and kissed me after i said it but never said it back.
> 
> Later on we spoke over text and he said he thinks i am an amazing girl and would make an amazing wife and partner but he just *doesn't have that burning desire of love yet, but he really wants to.* I know people fall at different times, but after 3 months i wonder if he will ever have it. Don't guys fall pretty quickly? All previous guys i was with who told me they loved me send it in the first few months. I felt a little gutted.





Dude007 said:


> I think it says a lot about his character to not say he loves you just to keep the sex going. He's probably a pretty good dude.


I don't know, I don't see much difference between lying that he loves her, and saying he doesn't right now but might later. Both seem designed to keep a woman on the hook.

Also, he definitely knows right now if he's attracted to her or not. And since they've only been together for three months, that's mostly all he's got to go on as a basis for love. How well can they have gotten to know each other in three months? Have they been through an election together? A big religious holiday? A crisis and a triumph?

The best thing she can do is ask him this stuff instead of asking us. Is he normally the type to fall quickly, but it turns into nothing, and therefore this relationship is different? Or does he normally take a while to warm up to women?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Just wait and see. Personally I don't think 3 months is too short a time to realise if you love someone, but that very much depends on the quantity of time you spent together, as well as the quality. For example, if you've had long and involved conversations every day for 3 months, it might make it pretty easy to know if you love that person or not, but if you only saw each other while catching a movie once a week, with an occasional convo thrown in here and there, then you could reasonably expect it to take longer.

Some people I've met are all about timing. They decided it was time to get married one day and so they married the person they were with at the time, not because he/she was the "love of their life" or anything; they were just convenient. Doesn't say much for the love thing.

It may be that your timing is off. He may not be ready for "the one" to come along and sweep him off his feet.

If I were you I would chill out, enjoy his company, find out what his life plans are and see if there's any chance of you fitting in there somewhere. When I met my DH, he pretty much made it clear he was ready to get married and settle down. If I'd met him 5 years earlier, who knows, it may not have worked out.


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