# Suddenly lost



## mae51692 (Dec 4, 2014)

Two months ago my husband of nearly 23 years left. Stunned was an understatement. Shortly after he left he told me he had begun an affair. Again stunned.... We had a good life. There were financial struggles, but our walls were filled with laughter. I just do not understand. He claims he hasn't decided whether he wants a divorce. I can forgive the infidelity if he truly wants to rebuild. Divorce isn't an option for me.


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## k22 (Dec 4, 2014)

I'm sorry for your loss and the sadness it is causing. 

You stated that: He claims he hasn't decided whether he wants a divorce.

So, does this mean he will think it over while he is with another women? So, you are suppose to wait around for him to stop sleeping with someone else? I don't think so, your better then that. 
While I am not expert and have my own issues to work through, there is nothing wrong with moving into your own place and he into his while you both think things over. Sometimes a little distance makes things clear.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You might want to ask a moderator to move this to CWI.


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## mae51692 (Dec 4, 2014)

I don't know what it means. He moved out 2 months ago. I refuse to leave my home. My kids need stability. He wanted to leave, there was no stopping him. Besides, I cannot financially move.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

mae51692 said:


> I don't know what it means. He moved out 2 months ago. I refuse to leave my home. My kids need stability. He wanted to leave, there was no stopping him. Besides, I cannot financially move.


CWI = "Coping With Infidelity"

CWI is one of the sub-forums here on TAM...

Coping with Infidelity

Basically, jld has suggested that you send a PM (private message) to one of the moderators (Amplexor, Deejo, FrenchFry, and Coffee Amore are the most active mods) to have this thread/discussion moved into the CWI sub-forum.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

mae51692 said:


> Divorce isn't an option for me.



Why?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

spinsterdurga said:


> Why?


Wondering the same thing myself.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening mae51692
has he said why he left?



mae51692 said:


> Two months ago my husband of nearly 23 years left. Stunned was an understatement. Shortly after he left he told me he had begun an affair. Again stunned.... We had a good life. There were financial struggles, but our walls were filled with laughter. I just do not understand. He claims he hasn't decided whether he wants a divorce. I can forgive the infidelity if he truly wants to rebuild. Divorce isn't an option for me.


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## k22 (Dec 4, 2014)

Wow if he moved out then you lucked out. Having a home for your child is important as you stated, but I think if you have any financial ties with this man you need to seek legal advice, for your children's welfare. There are places that offer free legal advice. The last thing you need is this cheating man to cause you financial harm as it will impact the children. The children are clearly your top priority, not if he chooses to move back home. Make your your survival needs are all cared for and he can not come and take them away or your children. You need to talk to a legal person ASAP. Im sorry darling, but you need to play hard ball with this man boy. Be the mama bear I am sure you are and make sure those kids have a safe environment.

That's my 2 cents, sorry if it went on too long.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Mae,

I think you need to see this for what it is. 

He is with another woman. 

This is not about space. This is not about deciding what to do. 

He is with another woman. 

Everything he tells you now is about assuaging his guilt. He feels pity and doesn't want to tell you he wants a divorce. 

Let him go. 

I know (Lord do I know) how you feel. There just isn't any other way. 

Do you know who the other woman is?

How old are your children?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

You say you can't "financially move" but depending on what state you live in, after 23 years of marriage you're entitled to HALF of all the marital assets (including retirement account) and likely 5-7+ years of spousal support or a one-time settlement. Not to mention child support if you have kids under the age of 18.

File immediately and dump his a$$ to the curb. That will help him make up his mind real quick.


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