# caught my wife on computer with lover



## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

I have been married for 11 years and have 3 children 4, 6, and 8. I started to feel a distance from my wife about a year ago but she would never open up and talk about what was bothering her and I would always just let it go. I started to get suspicious that she might be interested in someone else just based on how much she would leave the house. I confronted her and she admitted that there was someone at the gym she works out at that she had been having an emotional affair with, but she had ended it 2 months ago because she felt guilty. This brought out a lot of conversation about what was wrong with our marriage and how I wasn't giving her emotionally what she needed. We went to counceling and things seemed to be moving in the right direction. I still felt something wasn't right and was suspicious of how many times she would want to just get out of the house or get away for awhile. So about 3 months after I originally found out there was someone else at one time I looked at her computer and looked on one of her social networking sites. I saw a chat with the same guy from before. She was telling him that she missed him and loved him and inviting him to a hotel. I immediately called her and told her that I had found out and I was packing my things to leave and wanted nothing to do with her again. She called and begged me not to go. (I am in love with her still and want the marriage) She said she would do anything for me to stay and end it with other man. THis was 2 days ago. I am still there. I asked about the affair and it had been going on for at lease 4 months (starting when she said it ended). She says she sees herself with me in 50 years and loves me. I don't know what to do. I want to save my marriage but I don't want to be ignorant and lead myself into more pain in the future. She says she has ended it and I can see her pain. It tears me apart to see her sad and thinking it is for loosing another man.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

She has to suffer some consequences or else the affair will continue. You can’t just turn off emotions just like that so while she is saying she wants you and will end it with the OM, it’s easier said than done.

Remember, you can’t nice someone out of an affair, you are going to have to play hardball with your boundaries and conditions and she has to know you have one foot out the door at all times. It’s going to take months, if not a year or two to resolve itself so don’t expect things to happen quickly. 

If she makes any more contact with the OM or just pisses you off one day, go ahead and file for a divorce. You don’t have to go through with it but filing will show her you are serious and who knows, 6 months from now you may decide you can’t forgive her and it’ll be easier to leave. You’ll be surprise how your attitude changes when you get your head straight and confidence back (it’s usually a huge blow to the ego when an A is discovered).


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

Huge blow to the ego. I know I need to be patient as emotions can't instantly go away. I will leave if she talks to him again, all my clothes are still in my truck. 100 percent of me wants to leave now and 100 percent of me wants to do everything I can to save the marriage


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Find the OM's wife and expose the affair to her , do not let this stand , the OM has no reason to stop as he thinks he is secure from you and can play your wife. If he is single find his parents and expose the affair to them.

Don't hesitate , it is your fear to take action that will stop you saving the marriage .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

you don't think both of them dealing with spouses knowing about the affair won't draw them together.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

People in affairs fear exposure this is why we say tell the spouse and of the spouse does not react positively expose to their friends . Affairs are only exciting if secret , they are not so when everyone is looking a them . Shine a torch on the affair and stand back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

neal said:


> you don't think both of them dealing with spouses knowing about the affair won't draw them together.


No. Exposure is your friend. Affairs thrive on secrecy. It adds to the thrill also. Don't feed the affair.

Keep in mind she will have to go through withdrawal. This can take weeks. There has to be complete no contact or it resets itself. There is no weening out of the affair. It has to be total NC.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Quite the contrary, it may cause the OM to throw your wife under the bus to save his own marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

His wife needs to know and get tested for STDs. So do you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

neal said:


> you don't think both of them dealing with spouses knowing about the affair won't draw them together.


Not if your wife is truly acting as you say.

My guess is 98% of the time when you expose the affair to the other mans spouse they too will try to save their marriage by throwing their lover under the bus.

This will actually get your wife over him faster because now "He`s an ******* who stabbed me in the back".
It will show her his true colors.

There is a risk when the other betrayed spouse decides to divorce or leave or kick their cheater out that he will run to your wife but it is minimal .

Your best bet to end the affair (because she`s not likely to do so herself) is to inform the other mans wife/girl about the affair.

Do it and sit back to watch the show, it`s often quite entertaining.



The more you expose the affair the more difficult it is for them to carry on with it "generally".


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Exposure is one of the most effective tools out there. Then their fantasy party will be ruined and reality of the consequences of the affair will set in.

Do not ask for-DEMAND-a NC (no contact) letter and/or e-mail. Her reaction to this demand will show you how badly she really wants to save your marriage. Watch or even help her write it, and see to it that it gets delivered and that the OM understands that he is barking up the wrong tree.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

There can be no true reconciliation till your wife is fully transparent. She's nowhere close to that right now.

Get yourself prepared for divorce right now (just in case). Remove/cancel all joint bank accounts and credit cards. Move your money to your own new bank account. Remove yourself from any joint debts/loans as soon as possible.

Keep all your evidence you find. Store them in a safe hidden place. You'll never know when you might need them.

Careful about abandonment of kids if you want custody. Dont leave the house. Make her leave.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

You're not getting the whole truth...I speculate that they've been having a full blown affair long before you found out..so, I'm not buying that EA crap. Cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it look like it isn't as bad as it really is. I mean, look what happened:

You got to wondering and she told you it was only a EA, a crush, flirting..."but I stopped it". A little tears, some counseling sessions, you telling her not to let it happen again and what happened....hotel visits! She was never going to tell you and planned to continue to do what she was doing. She got sloppy and you, luckly, caught her.

I agree. if the OM is married, she has a right to know what kind of D-bag she's married to. Also, she can make an informed decision on what she wants to do with her marriage. However, DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOU ARE DOING THIS! She'll warn the OM and he'll have enough time to concoct a viable story to tell her if you call.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Do not leave your home. Curb her. First off Don't believe a word she says. Separate bank accounts, Cancel joint credit card. This is a consequence. If she can't be trusted to keep other men's members out of her. She can't be trusted with your money. keylogger is a must. Also, you need to out her. That's right family and friends. And be sure to tell the OMs BS. Do not worry about shame. Shame is a great consequence. Her fog must be cleared away, and the best way to do that is a good dose of reality. Be sure that you both go in for STD testing.


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

seems like a common theme and one I've heard from the few close friends i've talked to about this. Total transparency. I can tell as I talk to her she is so concerned about what other people will think. I guess for her to truly repent and move forward fully with me, I have to know its because she wants me and not just doesn't want the shame from others knowing. I'm sure everyone has this a million times, but I just can't believe that she would do something like this...its not her. She asked me why I changed my mind from leaving to staying and trying. I wasn't sure how to answer. I truly want the marriage to be saved...I hope I am strong enough and wises enough to know when to act and when to be patient.


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

key logger is how I found the FB chats. Cant get the words on those pages out of my mind right now. did its job though.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Don't leave the house, that can come back and bite you should it head down the divorce / child support / abandonment route.

Expose to the OM wife.

Get STD tested.

Pregnancy test her.

Check the bank accounts and credit card records.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

So what "actions" are you taking to make sure she`s not seeing the OM and being transparent?

Have you notified the OMW?


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Neal, Your story sounds very similar to mine. We were married for 12 years with 3 children as well only our children are a little older. We enjoy a upper middle class life style with all of the trimmings. We had a good marriage and we were happy...or so I thought.

I discovered my wife was having an affair 2 years ago. I found cell records showing texts and calls between them going back 3 months. She told me they were just friends. She wouldn’t admit to anything else. I was angry. I told her to never speak to him again or I will divorce her. She agreed and ended it. Like you I never thought my wife would do anything like this either. It was out of character for her, or at least the her that I knew.

That was in August 2009. We focused on each other and everything seemed to be fine after that. I thought I had just dodged a bullet. She seemed happy and I considered us reconciled. With in 3 months the EA she told me she ended turned into a PA. I didn’t find out until December 2010…it had been going on for a year. She had become such a skilled liar she was able to take it under ground for over a year before I began to realize what was going on.

When I found out the second time I was finding little bits and pieces of info…nothing conclusive. She admitted they were still friends and this time she admitted it was an EA only. I kept digging but I couldn’t find out anything. I gave her the same ultimatum as before… never speak to him again or I will divorce you. She began to drag her feet this time. Finally I went to see some attorneys. Only then did she start to comply with my demands. It still took months for her to stop contact. The GPS tracker I put on her car showed that they had met a couple times in parking lots during the day. She was taking her sweet old time disconnecting from him and still lying about it. She finally did stop but it took months. Our recovery was going slow after that…she was morning the loss of him. Nothing sucks worse than watching your wife go through this. No one is morning for me and my pain! Out of frustration I contacted the OM’s wife to expose the OM. It turns out she knew more than me. She sent me many months worth of messages between my wife and the OM….all in order. This was the most painful stuff I have ever read. It took days to get through it. It literally destroyed me inside. She had stopped contact by this point but now I knew the full extent of the truth. It was a full blown PA. My point is my wife would have taken her secret to her grave. She was so filled with shame and fear that I would leave her that she can hardly talk about it. My healing and our progress have been much better since that day but it has been pure hell.

I was too afraid to follow the advice from the folks on this board. Their advice was simple…file for divorce. Nothing wakes up a cheating spouse like a fresh set of divorce papers. You can still work on reconciliation in the mean time. This will show her that you are serious. Bluffing will not work…trust me. I tried this. Their affair is like an addiction. You must come down on them like a ton of iron. Cheaters need to experience the consequences from their actions. They need to see what they will lose. They have to be broken…so to speak.

Not a day goes by when I didn’t wish I had just filled for divorce. I wish I would have done it at the beginning. The emotional and physical toll is overwhelming…and deadly in the long run. I lost 13 lbs in the first month alone. Filing would have saved me 2 years of my life and her EA would have stopped at an EA…not a PA. You need to get to the point where you feel the anger (not violence) of her betrayal. She must not see a door mat when she looks at you. You shouldn't just settle for bring happy that she is still there with you...that is not nearly enough. She needs to learn a lesson. She must fear what you will do, and what could happen if she decides to fool you again. My wife was also afraid that her family and our children would find out what she did. I told her if I divorce her I will tell them the truth. I will not take the blame for her failure in our marriage.

Look at it this way. If you file, she will know you are serious. This could be enough to get her out of the fog. If she stops her affair and totally recommits to your marriage, that’s good right? You can always stop the divorce process. If she doesn’t stop her affair then your marriage is over and you have your answer. Either way, you will have your answer. The sooner you move forward with her or move on without her…the better off you will be. Remember, you can’t stay where you are now.

The same goes for exposing their affair to his wife and family. If he is married and his marriage breaks up as a result of your exposure, and your wife leaves to go with him…you will have your answer. If she stays with you…you will still have your answer. 

Ask yourself: Do I want to spend the rest of your life wondering where she is, what she is doing, and with whom she is doing it with? You now know what she is capable of in terms of deception.

Please learn from my mistakes. Don’t wait for something to happen…make it happen! You must control the situation…not her. She has been bulling you around with her lies and deceit for long enough.

Good luck my friend. I feel your pain.


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

She has told me that she told the OM it is over and blocked all contacts. I did not see it happen. She seems to be saying the right things and I truly want to believe her, but as you point out once someone starts the lies its easy to continue. I do need to be able to not think that she will be seeing OM everytime she leaves the house. I get that I shouldn't leave the house I would need her to go, but the easier thing would be to just leave myself.


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

the only action so far has been no contact or lying or I'm gone. Still trying to figure out how I will know. I have the username and passwords for her FB and email accounts. I reallize that its easy to just create another account, however.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

neal said:


> She has told me that she told the OM it is over and blocked all contacts. I did not see it happen. She seems to be saying the right things and I truly want to believe her, but as you point out once someone starts the lies its easy to continue. I do need to be able to not think that she will be seeing OM everytime she leaves the house. I get that I shouldn't leave the house I would need her to go, but the easier thing would be to just leave myself.


Easier thing right this minute yes.

But if you get spun in court as "abandoning" the children, you'll be fighting a long battle uphill for about a decade. Child support, visitation yada yada yada.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

"there was someone at the gym"

Does he work at the gym or is he a customer?


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

worked there and worked out there.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

neal said:


> worked there and worked out there.


Was he her personal trainer?


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Neil, 
You cannot take her word for anything right now. Trust me, I did that, She swore no contact...and lied...repeatedly. She told me she blocked him on FB as well. Turns out he blocked me instead so I couldn't see they were still friends. Be vigilant with your detective work. Maybe try a GPS tracker. This is what I used to catch my wife in continued lies. Keep in mind that being a detective gets old...fast. It is also stressful as hell. Use it to determine if she is still lying if you want, but prepare to move on if necessary. 

The fact that she is still trying to figure out what you know and how you know should bother you. My wife did this as well...it still wasn't over at that point. If you have about $1,200 to dispose of, I would file the papers...at least talk to an attorney, and let her know you are going. It seems that when you think you have done enough to stop them...you haven't done enough. For some cheaters your reaction needs to be over the top to send the right, strong message. 

Also do a 180 and work on yourself .If you don't, start working out and focus on your children. Make her see that you can survive without her.


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Sounds like she needs another gym. Also a no contact letter and complete transparency.

A keylogger is likely in order as is a VAR, voice activated recorder.

Q~


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

neal said:


> worked there and worked out there.


So have you informed the management that he is using the gym to pickup married women and your contacting attorneys? He HAS TO BE OUTED. Other marriages/families are also at stake.

He's lower than a roach, step on him.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MrQuatto said:


> Sounds like she needs another gym. Also a no contact letter and complete transparency.
> 
> A keylogger is likely in order as is a VAR, voice activated recorder.
> 
> Q~


Don't think she can be trusted at gyms any longer by herself. jmho


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## Turner9 (Sep 7, 2011)

First, may I ask why you wish to save this marriage?? You still love her? exactly what do you love about her? Are the things you love about her from the past or are they still present today. 

I know children can play a large role in working things out, especially the thought of the financial burden it may!? place on you in supporting all three, unless you win custody. Depends on what state you really live in. 

How to respond to her questions: Frankly, I would not! at this point, she wouldn't get any answers but this one. "I don't wont to react out of just hurt feelings, I have accomplished a lot with you and I have to determine if this was an error of heart or judgement"! 

Of course the difference between the two is, Error in Judgement; involves multiple levels of seduction mixed with lies to entrap her, once the the lies are exposed, they can see clearly enough to snap out of it. Its all circumstance conditioning. In short, she got deceived! Told all the things she wanted to hear, see, touch and feel which sucked her in. All of which supported by a LIE! 

Error in Heart! Though is harder, This is when she dedicated herself in the pursuit of the other, even after the OM waived her off. Whether its a man or women it makes no difference, an error in heart is the hardest to come back from and change. It means they have by their own will, decided and weighed all consequences and still went through with it because they Love them?? 

My close friend went through this, though his children where teenagers during the affair incident, the wife really fell in love with the OM. And! he was also married!! When she came clean because of some odd circumstance! really she was caught kissing the OM and one of his friends caught them and told her, you have only so many days to tell your husband before I will. So , she did. 

I am amazed at how the whole thing ended! The OM , could not afford to leave his wife, she made all the money? Haha. Plus, she did not divorce him? So, he stayed and kicked my friends wife to the dogs. Somehow, my friend managed through all his grief, to stay with her and made things work! Its been years since the affair, and they both look very sweet on each other. 

So, I will say, its possible to save this type of marriage once this happens, but both parties must want it. Its easy for me to tell you to walk! That she has not learned ****! and she is more than likely willing and able to do so again. But, I am wired that way. I give you one chance, after that, I'm planning my escape route! ..

I believe your wife has an error in heart and not judgement, but I could be wrong! you have to get to the heart of the matter and I don't think you need a counselor for that! She will tell you. Then you must deal with the truth? Lack of sex, Lack of attention, Lack of listening to her, too much on her plate in handling the family etc etc. Then go from there. 

But, seriously, 1st take your time, don't rush into anything! EXPOSE THIS DAMN AFFAIR! Tell the OM'S Wife, there is no way in hell! I would allow this male sexual predator to go free without consequences. I also don't believe that this will cause the both of them to move closer together! Yeah, its a risk, but what do you have to loose! NOTHING!.. Then go see lawyer! right after you expose him. Let your wife know, in the event they try to get together, she will not profit from it. You will take soul custody of the kids. 

Move! Relocate. Change your IP address, Change your Number, change your current cell phone numbers or just hers. Install a keylogger and spy gear on all her stuff without telling her, to monitor her behavior. I helped my friend do this with his incident and his wife only slipped up 1 time in 1 year. She contacted the OM just to return some personal stuff of his, we told her this was a bad mistake, just burn it. Its been more than 4 years, and she is fine now! Smarter, stronger and even a better Mom to his kids. Extremely devoted! to my friend. 

You have choices to make, make them slowly, wisely, but guard your heart at the same time. Take everyone's advice and expose that ****er! OM. Then brace yourself through careful planning to guard your heart and the rest of your family.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

File as you can always withdraw the petition . As the OM's wife does not respond find details of his parents and siblings and expose the affair to them . The more who know on his side the better it is for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

What may have to happen is a more radical plan , are you able to acertain if he is communicating with your wife during working hours, is so expose to his company HR director cc his boss that he is using company time and equipment to conduct his affair. They may even fire him .

You have exposed to her ex husband have you exposed to her parents. This OM seems to have no consequences and does not care how many marriages he destroys, time to take him down , there are no rules to abide by with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> What may have to happen is a more radical plan , are you able to acertain if he is communicating with your wife during working hours, is so expose to his company HR director cc his boss that he is using company time and equipment to conduct his affair. They may even fire him .
> 
> You have exposed to her ex husband have you exposed to her parents. This OM seems to have no consequences and does not care how many marriages he destroys, time to take him down , there are no rules to abide by with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Be sure to dig two graves before you start out on that journey.

No rules to abide? My goodness. What do you mean by that? Become like him?


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

There's a saying: If a cheaters lips are moving, they're lying.

The only thing you done so far is to let them know that you know. So, now they hide the affair better. It does sound like you have full transparency and she more sorry that she got caught rather than breaking your heart.


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

yeah, thats what I'm afraid of. That she wants me now because she's afraid of others knowing what she has done. I feel like she is truly hurt that she has done this to our family and that she does love me. But even today a wonder if she is meeting up with OM. if this does go in a good direction, trust will be a very difficult thing. I wonder if the only reason she wants me to stay is to not expose herself as an adulterer. We both are Christians and she knows she is wrong. Obviously didn't stop her. I need to give her the ultimatum of telling her family everything or we're done. This is the only way I will know that she wants to stay. If she is willing to do the one thing she fears the most for our marriage we have a chance. If not....we never really had a chance.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Be sure to dig two graves before you start out on that journey.
> 
> No rules to abide? My goodness. What do you mean by that? Become like him?


What I mean is he stands up for his marriage against a serial adulteror who has proven by marrying his first OW that he is very capable of destroying yet another marriage and will do so unless he faces serious consequences and is driven off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

neal said:


> yeah, thats what I'm afraid of. That she wants me now because she's afraid of others knowing what she has done. I feel like she is truly hurt that she has done this to our family and that she does love me. But even today a wonder if she is meeting up with OM. if this does go in a good direction, trust will be a very difficult thing. I wonder if the only reason she wants me to stay is to not expose herself as an adulterer. We both are Christians and she knows she is wrong. Obviously didn't stop her. I need to give her the ultimatum of telling her family everything or we're done. This is the only way I will know that she wants to stay. If she is willing to do the one thing she fears the most for our marriage we have a chance. If not....we never really had a chance.


Her telling her family will be a huge step in rebuilding trust , if she declines you should tell them yourself and identify the OM by name. Let's hope she stands up for your marriage and you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Another reason for her wanting to stay, and not cuz she loves you, would be----If you D. her---what is her future---that of a single, divorced woman, With kids, if you have kids,---with the tag of adulterer

She will most likely work up to 2 jobs, just to make it, if she can even get a job---she will now come home from work, dead tired, and have to deal with kids, and their needs---so she will have little time for herself

As to guys ---what is really out there---there are no YOU'S out there,---there are guys like what she is involved with now---no future, for they are married---so for each of THEM, she adds the tag of homewrecker, as she has with this present guy. ---there are guys, who want nothing but sex, there are guys who want HER to support THEM----there are alcoholics, druggies, crazies, criminal, guys with STD's----guys with their own families---most have baggage---that's what she is facing, if you D. her----

That in itself alone gives you control of the situation---as to making demands, as to how the future will be played out---its your ballgame, by your rules, she gets no input, no say, no nothing---you dictate the boundaries, and lay out the actionable consequences.

But in all of this---begs the question, why is she staying, cuz she loves you, and is becoming selfless, or for other reasons relating to her selfishness


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## neal (Sep 14, 2011)

that is the question why. if it for any other reason than because she loves me then I don't want that.....or do i want it, to buy time, she could grow up and fall in love with me again....anything is possible if she is there, its over if she is gone. She can't have her cake and eat it too, but the question is should I care why she is choosing to stay now because maybe with time things can be rectified...as long as she is done with other. Makes me feel like crap just typing this. I think I'm still in shock.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

dgtal said:


> Eli-Zor, I wished this was my own thread but I guess Neal could learn from the mistakes and success of others posting here as well as my own experience.
> 
> I exposed and even had a long conversation with
> his boss. He said that sorry he couldn't do anything. I told him "thats ok if you can do nothing I will for the safety of my own marriage"
> ...


Fight back and fight back hard. I can respect someone that fights for what they believe in. Crush him like the roach he is.

:iagree::lol::smthumbup::iagree::lol::smthumbup:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

RWB said:


> as ezor says... these om dont care howb many families they destroy, thus we have no rules to abide by when exposing, just tell the truth. oh the truth is so piercing.
> 
> years later im still exposing my wifes om1 where ever he moves. the inet is tireless in its search. where ever he goes, i let his new friends neighbors (public tax records) know what kind of home wrecker he is. he teaches in public schools, i let fellow teachers, principal, PTO, parents, know just how many families he has wrecked going after married women teacher. Only the truth, piercing b the truth. Some teachers have thanked, some say let it go, it really doesnt matter either way to me. I am the hound of truth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Props RWB keep it up!

I'm sure you have single handedly saved families from being destroyed.

Have you put him on Cheaterville? Every time his name is googled it will show up.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

RWB said:


> as ezor says... these om dont care howb many families they destroy, thus we have no rules to abide by when exposing, just tell the truth. oh the truth is so piercing.
> 
> years later im still exposing my wifes om1 where ever he moves. the inet is tireless in its search. where ever he goes, i let his new friends neighbors (public tax records) know what kind of home wrecker he is. he teaches in public schools, i let fellow teachers, principal, PTO, parents, know just how many families he has wrecked going after married women teacher. Only the truth, piercing b the truth. Some teachers have thanked, some say let it go, it really doesnt matter either way to me. I am the hound of truth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sounds more like an unhealthy obsession.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Sounds more like an unhealthy obsession.


Or a calling from God. It all depends on your point of view, doesn't it?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

morituri said:


> Or a calling from God. It all depends on your point of view, doesn't it?


No, I don`t think so.

The point of view of the person with the unhealthy obsession hardly counts does it?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

dgtal said:


> How powerful is the internet !!!
> How ironic is the world. The POS serial cheater, OM (to make it short) is a contributor member of a charity non-profit organization which the slogans is "keep families together" (LOL) Guess what: I sent thru cheaterville (using the " Email Story Anonymously" feature) e-mails to all the members of the board, one by one. This guy maybe pissed off...
> 
> Oh and in addition is a contributor member for another non-profit organization against child abuse. Guess what I did
> A married man who goes chasing a married woman is nothing better than a child pornographer, or a child molester!!!!


:allhail:


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Sounds more like an unhealthy obsession.



Or a hobby?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

tacoma said:


> No, I don`t think so.
> 
> The point of view of the person with the unhealthy obsession hardly counts does it?


Who is the unhealthy one? Is it the person who sits idly by while knowingly allowing a predator to harm society as a whole or the person who takes action to prevent that predator from destroying more lives?

If more of us made it our mission to legally go after those who harm society as a whole, society would be vastly better off.


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## KNUTWILLIE (Jul 12, 2011)

You guys talk about outting the other man to the OM wife - and seeing if that makes the OM throw his wife back to him
A) it does not always work
B) you will NEVER EVER EVER feel the same about your cheating WHHOORE of a wife
She failed at keeping a promise to you and your marriage.
Every time you go down on her, or want to have sex, what are you to think about ? Your gonna think some other dude was there.

"F" That, get rid of the SKANK - she lied and did not give you her promise of fidelity

as far as OUTTING the OM - it leads them right into the devils hands sometimes.
Mine is enthralled in the hands of a cult leader right now, a 10 time champ at doing this, and she is 36 years old, and she knows what his past is, and she is STILL WITH HIM

****** FINANCE CAR DEALER, CHEATER, LIAR... - JUSTIN ESCUDIER


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

morituri said:


> Who is the unhealthy one? Is it the person who sits idly by while knowingly allowing a predator to harm society as a whole or the person who takes action to prevent that predator from destroying more lives?
> 
> If more of us made it our mission to legally go after those who harm society as a whole, society would be vastly better off.


You speak as if the OM a threat to society but he`s only one part of the equation.

If you truly believe someone who cheats should be publicly harassed in such a manner for the good of society then not only should the OM be publicly and constantly harassed but your own WW wife should be as well.

She also is a threat to society as she was the "predator" who messed with the OM`s marriage/family and therefore is also a "threat to society.

Any other action is hypocritical and illogical if one truly believe a cheater is "a threat to society".

So I wonder if those who take the route of passing out flyers at the OM`s workplace also pass out flyers at their cheating spouses workplace.
(I don't really wonder, I`m sure they don`t)

If they don`t then they aren`t concerned with society they are concerned with vengeance and that`s an unhealthy obsession.

To continue such harassment for years after the affair is an extremely unhealthy obsession.

Move on with life already....attempt to heal.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

"To continue such harassment for years after the affair is an extremely unhealthy obsession."

Simply saying something doesn't make it so. Do you have any evidence that what you say is true.

Punishment not only works for the perp it works for others by example.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I don't judge

we admire the family of murder victims who go to every parole hearing to make sure their loved one's killer stays in jail.

Sure the comparison is apples and oranges but the concept is the same. So, if RWB wishes to continue to warn others around his OM that's fine with me. If OM ever started showing true contrition and atonement I would hope he would let it go.

Personally, I just want nothing else to do with OM now.

It's a personal choice and I am not one to say who is right


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## Qwilleran (Jun 11, 2011)

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"... Ghandi


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## Whip Morgan (May 26, 2011)

Tac, if you read RWBs story, his wife didn't "get away" with anything, she faced consequences. But, exposure of the truth seemed to wake her up from the damage she was doing. As they are still together several years later (2 ?) I'd say he did the right thing. Truth can be powerful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

tacoma said:


> You speak as if the OM a threat to society but he`s only one part of the equation.
> 
> If you truly believe someone who cheats should be publicly harassed in such a manner for the good of society then not only should the OM be publicly and constantly harassed but your own WW wife should be as well.
> 
> ...


Oh I agree that a DS(WS) who is unremorseful and destroys his/her family as well as well as his/her lover's family, should be exposed as a cheater to the world at large so that others will know who the person really is.



RWB said:


> Tac,
> 
> you have points, do u have the experience? This OM i have 'gone after' is not your normal person or even chater. he has wrecked families in one town for over a decade. My counselor knew who he was from mere description. worst, he feels nothing about what he does, never explained, just moves on. Fine, stick to the truth. You say move on, I say cheating has forever consequence.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Very well said.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Qwilleran said:


> "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"... Ghandi


There's still the other eye. I bet the one-eye person would be more cautious after losing an eye.





(hahaha, just saying...)


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