# How to make my girlfriend believe me



## xb=a (Dec 15, 2010)

I'm going out of my mind at the moment because the gf has just ended our relationship.
She lives in a different country to me so we keep in touch via phone apart from the 3 times a year I visit her.
When I really miss her I tend to phone/text her more often. At the beginning of this year she said I was doing this too much (average of 4 texts and 1 or 2 calls per day) and I had to stop calling/texting her so often each day. I understood what she meant and I promised her I wouldn't do it again. Now, I'm due to fly out to see her next week and unfortunately I lapsed and started to do it again over the last few days. She was on holiday with her sister and she said I spoilt it, which I understand and regret, but now she's finished with me.
We both still love each other very much and I've promised her that this has hurt me so much if we got back together I would never ever do it again.
She says she can't believe me because I promised the last time and my dilemma is how can I make her believe me? What can I say? I really intend to stick to this promise this time but she doesn't believe me because I've let her down before.
Does anyone have any advice please?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I'm not entirely sure you WERE calling and texting her too much. Of course, my opinion might be skewed; my boyfriend is an over the road truck driver who's gone a lot, and we spent 3-8 hours a day on the phone. 

I'm really not all that sure that there is anything you can do to make her believe you. If you call her or text her to try to tell her, you'll just be reinforcing her feeling that you are calling/texting too much. If you completely cut contact, then you have no real way of trying to show her anything. 

I think my best advice would be maybe send one email: short and to the point, that you understand your mistakes, that you want to rectify them, and that you will now leave her alone. Tell her if she wants to give you one more try, you'll be there, otherwise you will leave her alone. Then, leave her alone. 

Hard though it may be, leave her alone. You may never hear from her again; if that's the case, you'll need to move on. If she does give you another chance, then you have got to get yourself under control and not call/text her too much. You'll need to discuss with her what she feels is excessive and what she'd be happy with. Then stick to that.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> I'm not entirely sure you WERE calling and texting her too much.


Who decides what "too much" is? It is a matter of what you want. If you want to irritate, then keep on texting and phoning someone who doesn't want it. If you want to engender warm fuzzies, then lay off the neediness. In my opinion.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

xb=a said:


> I'm going out of my mind at the moment because the gf has just ended our relationship.
> She lives in a different country to me so we keep in touch via phone apart from the 3 times a year I visit her.
> When I really miss her I tend to phone/text her more often. At the beginning of this year she said I was doing this too much (average of 4 texts and 1 or 2 calls per day) and I had to stop calling/texting her so often each day. I understood what she meant and I promised her I wouldn't do it again. Now, I'm due to fly out to see her next week and unfortunately I lapsed and started to do it again over the last few days. She was on holiday with her sister and she said I spoilt it, which I understand and regret, but now she's finished with me.


Well that is an odd thing to just up and dump someone over. Maybe she just isn't that committed?

That said, I can see her point. A DAILY phone call in addition to several texts would send me around the bend. Are you coming across as needy and insecure? ARE you needy and insecure? In the long run, with this gf or whatever comes down the road, neither of these things are attractive to the majority of people except those perhaps who have a Florence Nightengale complex or codependency issues.



> We both still love each other very much and I've promised her that this has hurt me so much if we got back together I would never ever do it again.
> She says she can't believe me because I promised the last time and my dilemma is how can I make her believe me? What can I say? I really intend to stick to this promise this time but she doesn't believe me because I've let her down before.
> Does anyone have any advice please?


Simply ask for one more change. Only time and being trustworthy can prove that you can be trustworthy. If she say no one more time, let her go.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Who decides what "too much" is? It is a matter of what you want. If you want to irritate, then keep on texting and phoning someone who doesn't want it. If you want to engender warm fuzzies, then lay off the neediness. In my opinion.


Sorry, didn't mean to imply I was deciding what was too much. I have a bad habit lately of starting a thought and not following it through to completion. What I meant was that, to me, it didn't sound excessive, but that's for me. For someone else, it very well could be. It's also a matter of...well, again, with it not seeming excessive, my initial thought was that the break up was not about excessive calls/texts, but that that was simply an excuse to break up. I moved on to the rest of what I said, hoping to think of a way to phrase that where it wouldn't be too hurtful and never circled back to finish that.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

If you only meet 3 times per year and you love each other, what is the big problem with frequent phone contact?:scratchhead:

My husband and I spoke nearly every day and texted when we were dating. We also saw each other 2-3 times a week. 

My impression is that she doesn't care for you as much as she says. You clearly love her much more than she claims to love you. Become much less available to her and don't try to apologize. Let her show how much she wants you for a change.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> If you only meet 3 times per year and you love each other, what is the big problem with frequent phone contact?:scratchhead:
> 
> My husband and I spoke nearly every day and texted when we were dating. We also saw each other 2-3 times a week.
> 
> My impression is that she doesn't care for you as much as she says. You clearly love her much more than she claims to love you. Become much less available to her and don't try to apologize. Let her show how much she wants you for a change.


I completely cosign with the above statement. I do have a question, xb=a. Are you texting and calling so much because you really miss her or are you doing so as a means to "keep tabs on her"? If it is the latter, is there a reason why you feel the need to do so? I was in a long-distance relationship with my wife (before we were married) and 4 texts a day would not have been an issue at all. And definitely not something worth ending a relationship over. I do think that you need to "give her a chance to miss you". It's possible that you might have turned her off by coming across as needy but my gut says that something else is going on. If she doesn't want to get back with you, then it's possible that she really wasn't feeling the relationship like you thought she was. Good luck.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Why is your gf in a different country anyway? What's the backstory?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

That is a really odd thing to end a relationship over. Is there more to the story? Is she committed? Is there someone else?


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