# relationships



## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

Relationships are like jobs in the sense that you trade commodities, like time for money. Some relationships pay better than others. Some relationships are easier and others harder. Some relationships require specialized skills, while others require the tenacity to endure things that most other people would refuse to do. A doctor required a lot of education to they demand much more pay and can also pick and choose a lot more conditions of work than a manual laborer can. But its probably a lot easier to find a laborers work than a doctors. 

A relationship with a man that has children by previous partners has less to offer a prospective partner - he has less time and attention to give and offers lower priorities to a partner (his children will be of a higher priority than his partner). 

So an average girl that doesnt have children that can pick between this man, or the man who has no children, is usually better off picking the partner than has more time and energy to meet her needs - the one without children.

The opposite can be true also. A woman with issues that might detract from her value, such as a mild mental illness, physical disability or lower social status, might be seen as acceptable by that man with children because his overall relationship potential matches hers.

Like jobs, relationships can be in competition with each other - if when in a job you happen to see another job that offers more money for the same work, you'd be crazy not to go for that job right? Only you dont want to let your current employer know you are seeking another job. Or if you are offered another job that pays better and has better benefits, you might try to get a promotion from your current employer, competing one against the other. 

Just like with work, some relationships are abuse systems, designed to tear down the self esteem and value until a person is no longer worth anything to anyone and cannot survive outside of this system - or so they think.

Edited to change male/female roles.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Some women with kids may be like that. Maybe most. But I wasn't. Kids are not my end all be all of being alive. My husband gets tons of my time. At least 2 hours a night when the kids go to bed. We just had a dance-off and then put them to bed. Now we're vegging out to some Hardcore music and sippin wine.

You can't say "Women with children blah blah blah...." because it's not ALL. Just like I can't say all men cheat.

It's about making priorities. My husband and kids are my priority, but at 8:30ish, the priority is my husband. The kids know this. Hopefully I am setting a good example of how to balance family life. 

But as a single mom and dating, I had date nights (T, Th, and Friday). This was good because it's nice to take things slow. If I had to do something or go a special invite somewhere, my ex would switch a night with me.

I only have relationships in my life that are a mutual flow of love and respect for each other. I have no time for people who drain me or offer nothing to my well being.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

Thank you. Please know I used the woman in the example because it is more common for a single woman to have the children rather than the man - the genders are interchangeable.

Your contribution shows that you would offer more to your partner (and thereby a prospective partner) which increases the possibility of obtaining a 'higher value' partner (which you might well have already)


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes, I'm very happy with my partner's value


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

When I was a single mom and dating, I appreciated a man's honesty regarding about not wanting a relationship with me because I had young children. The man I married had children at home also. We were equitably matched in most areas.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

You left out attractiveness. People put up with crazy or someones lower economic status if the person's looks offset the disadvantages. Attractiveness is nothing but luck as it doesn't take any skill to achieve. Some are just born with the advantage. I have bipolar disorder and don't work due to health reasons yet I married a well-educated man with a good career, good looks, etc. all because I was attractive and well medicated. I realize I couldn't have done this if I was overweight.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

I didn't really think about physical attractiveness, though it has its role to play in how we pick relationships. I dont think attractiveness is solely due to luck though, grooming and cleanliness make up a good part of attractiveness.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And if someone is a douche, I don't care HOW hot he is...he turns ugly to me...


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

I would agree if someone has an unpleasant personality they become less attractive. Also, someone who isn't very attractive can become more attractive over time if they have outstanding qualities.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

gonna switch the female/male role in the OP, so it looks a little less female unfriendly ^^


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