# Can this be fixed?



## porter23 (Apr 28, 2011)

My H loves to tell little white lies. Most of the people that I have talked to think he doesn't know he's doing it. It has gotten to the point where now I'm starting to question the honesty of my own daughter. Even when I call him on his little white lies, he doesn't own up to it. We are going to MC , but how will I ever trust he's telling the truth? We've been together for 8 years and has always told little white lies or exaggerated his stories. Can he fix this when he still can't see that he's doing it? If you need examples, I have plenty.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

examples of said white lies?

My wife once made biscuits and gravy for me one evening.. at the time she told me she made them from scratch; a week or so later she tearfully confessed that the grave came from a mix. I was touched that she was so remorseful about this, but the whole thing struck me as kind of odd - not a big deal or real cause for concern, but certainly odd.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

I don't think this is a matter that marriage counseling can fix. I can't think of the term for it but a good example is the fact that 10 people can witness an event take place, and all will relay a different version of the same event. Some of that can be attributed to viewer vantage point, but mostly it is a case of everyone processes information differently. It sounds like your husband has some kind of problem with processing information. He is not able to accurately interpret and translate information after his brain takes it in and churns it around. This is akin to dyslexia, for example. There is something going on (or not going on) in his brain's wiring. That's the reason some people feel it is not intentional on his part. Although he tells little white, one might wonder why he doesn't tell big whoppers of lies if he actually can't help himself. Again, that's a part of brain function. The information associated with the little white lies might hold no particular significance to him. Therefore, truth and accuracy are negligible.

Ask your counselor for some referrals for him to get help. Ask also for yourself because I can imagine it becomes extremely annoying, plus it's just hard to live with someone and have to continually question everything they say. Try to be patient though and know there may actually be a neurological issue associated with his lying. And, you mention it is getting worse, which indicates there could be something degenerative.

In the meantime, don't let him witness you doing anything that could easily be interpreted as criminal. LOL


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## porter23 (Apr 28, 2011)

Ok, maybe they are not little white lies. More like exaggerating to make himself look better, or to get what he wants. Like..."our daughter's name said she wanted to go to the place." Then I ask our daughter if she wanted to go to that place, and she says no. My H says a lot of its for "our daughter" when its really for him. 

Another example: the other night my daughter tells me that Daddy called me something in the car. I told him that I don't care of he calls me names, but don't do it in front of our daughter. When I confronted about this he said he didn't say that. So, basically telling me that my daughter must be lying.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Wow, my h did that and it can get better. I called him on those things immediately. Didn't let one pass. His insecurity was driving it. We talked about that. But what I also did was remind him why he should be proud of himself and the truth. He is a lot better and I feel w lot better about him. I told him it harmed my respect for him when he did thst.
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## porter23 (Apr 28, 2011)

River1977 - I completely agree with you. I think its part of he sees things differently but its also selective hearing. I have to constantly confirm whether what he says is true or not. And 9 times out of 10 its not true. I know that patience is a virtue, but when he starts to make me question our own children that is where I draw the line.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Sorry. Didn't see the contradicting your daughter bit.

Sounds like shame and low self esteem. Therapy can help. But how you receive the truth matters, too.
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