# Freeloader family member result in homelessness



## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

I came across this article from Forbes about a freeloading son became homeless after his mom cannot support him anymore and none of his sibling were wiling to take him in. 

What Siblings Need to Do About Aging Parents and The Family Freeloader - Forbes

What do you think? Do you think the siblings should have help out and 'implement' the solutions suggested for the son so he won't go homeless and despair? Do you think the solutions proposed which would result in more debt for mom and the siblings in the long run is a viable solution while trying to help him pick himself so to speak? 

I personally think the solutions the author proposed would be an enabler solution and it won't resolve the issues. Taking him in is a BAD suggestion! So now this son don't leech off mom but leeching off siblings? I wonder if all the siblings think he actually deserves to be homeless. Mom loves his son, how can she not be an 'enabler'?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

It's interesting that at that web site, almost all the comments strongly disagree with the article.

By coincidence, I was just having this same conversation with a friend. I compared countries that send illegal immigrants to the United States to that same "freeloading family member". For a while you want to do the right thing and help him out. But if the problem never ends, then I believe eventually you have to cut him off, otherwise he will never bother to fix his own problems.

In this particular situation, it's shameful that the freeloading son who has no job, living with his elderly mother, can't at least act as a caregiver, and so free their mother from having to hire one.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I have two siblings that spend most of their existence being fed and clothed by someone else. I haven't spoken to either one in years. The word "family" is incorrect they are related, not family. Family would never take advantage of each other.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

The author is ridiculous. This came as a surprise to the freeloading sibling? He had 10 years to find a job and yet it is the siblings' job to point out the obvious to him that he'd have to do something when his freeloading from his elderly mom could no longer continue? And one of tge sibling should have taken him in "temporarily" - yeah because 10 years of freeloading off elderly mom wasn't enough to give him time to make other arrangements! And poor guy, he had no one to help him apply for programs to help him. Why would that be his siblings' responsibility unless the freeloader was not mentally or physically capable all this time? His sibling might have been a little busy working and taking care if their own families.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ha ha, I have a sister that has been freeloading off of my mom for years. She's burned every bridge in her life and has dome some sh!tty things to me and our other sister. When something happens to our mother she'll probably be homeless and we don't give a sh!t, she'll be sleeping in the bed she made. She's a phony that talks of family when she can mooch but will stab family in the back when it suits her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are different reasons why a person might be a freeloader.

If the person has a real reason for why they cannot hold a job, then I think that caring siblings can and should do some things to help.

Helping the freeloader get on disability long before the 10 years of freeloading is one thing that can be done. Helping the find services that can help them. Maybe even getting them into some kind of a home for people with their form of disability. 

We did the above with a nephew of mine who is schizophrenic. We got him on disability. Found him a small place he could afford. Got him into the system so that he had medical care, etc. I was the person designated to handle his finances (disability payments). After about 2 years he just took off. For the last 3 years he’s been homeless at times, stays with friends/family at times. We seldom know where he is. He’s burned bridges. For example I will never allow him to stay at my place again for my and my son’s sanity and for our safety.

There are people who cannot be helped. Some of them, like my nephew, would be institutionalized if we had a mental health system that actually had the goal of helping the mentally ill.

But, if the freeloader just refuses to work and it’s clear that they have no disability, then they are on their own. At the most pay for a room for them (the cheapest one can find) for 3-6 months so that they are not on the street and can find a job.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Is suicide preferable to freeloading? (that's not a rhetorical question)

Some people do not function in accordance with the standards set forth by society; society functions and thus it makes the rules. 

In terms of homelessness:

"A beggar's not born unto this life,
Rather something has caused him to quit,
To continue to live with his strife,
Is no measure of the beggar man's wit."
- GEU

Im not trying to encourage any one decision on the part of the OP (**EDIT** Original Post, not poster  ), but just trying to point out that people become "hermits, gypsies, dropouts, and homeless bums" for many complicated reasons. It is not so simple as to paint them with a general and vague brush of no compassion; they become these people generally because of faults they inherit from the society that creates them.

FWIW YMMV


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

I don't have anybody in my family like this, but I have known of friends who have siblings that are like this. I know it is frustrating, and many times the other siblings feel cheated. 

I think the real problem with this story is that the siblings never spoke up to their mother about him living there. For example, my friend had a brother who had lived with his dad for about 5 years. His dad was getting older and he knew one day the brother would be left with nothing. My friend had a long discussion with his father about this, and within the next few months, they had set up a place for the brother to live and helped him get a job. The brother eventually quit his job and ended up losing his apartment, but my friend said she never felt guilty because her father and her tried to help.

My point here is that it is best to try to help with limits. The siblings from the story should have never let Ben stay at his mother's that long. Arrangements should have been made prior to this. If I were in this situation, I would take in my brother for a period of time, and if he kept on trying to mooch, then I would kick him out.

Luckily for me, as I mentioned, I have no one in my family that is unsuccessful. I hope I never do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> Is suicide preferable to freeloading? (that's not a rhetorical question)
> 
> Some people do not function in accordance with the standards set forth by society; society functions and thus it makes the rules.
> 
> ...


What if helping the freeloader will cause financial problems for the family member(s) ? It's not right for the family of a hard working person to be brought to financial ruin by a family member who choses to do nothing.

If a person chooses suicide over getting a job and supporting themselves then that's their choice. 

Many of us go tot work even on the days when we are having a bad day physically or mentally. No one has the right to force me to take care of them ... for me to spend my time to work to earn a living for them. What I have found of most freeloaders is that they are really freeloaders. 

They will move in, use your house, eat your food. They expect this from you. But they will not lift a finger to help you.. they will not clean up after themselves, or clean the dishes, or the house, or cook or help with the yard work. They expect others to do it all for them. (I'm not talking about truly mentally ill and/or disabled people.)

I have no sympathy at all for such a person. If they want to off themselves so be it.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> What if helping the freeloader will cause financial problems for the family member(s) ? It's not right for the family of a hard working person to be brought to financial ruin by a family member who choses to do nothing.
> 
> If a person chooses suicide over getting a job and supporting themselves then that's their choice.
> 
> ...


I agree with most of this. I especially agree that a person shouldnt be forced to take care of another.

My point is the reasons people have for various forms of "giving up" are complicated- and society itself is not without blame.

Homelessness shot up and so did suicides when the housing market collapsed; many were not able to support themselves no matter how hard they tried. Consider how many "average joes" faced self-doubt due to a socially-vaunted mentality of excessive housing purchases encouraged by politicians wanting votes, banks wanting profit from subprime mortgages, etc... And even then the widespread calamity could have been avoided by responsible rating agencies not rating CDOs being peddled by banks as AAA.

I am not attempting to absolve the guy referenced by the link in the OP in terms of his unwillingness to "remount the saddle", just to point out that such people are not uni-dimensional and often society plays a part in a person's futility.

Its something we should at least consider. I believe the point of the OP was to incite discussion so thats where Im coming from.

Just IMO


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

I will always help my siblings no matter what. I love them unconditionally even if they take advantage from me. Blood is thicker than water. My brother used to be so lazy. He did nothing. he was in terrible debt. My parents, I, my sister, his wife, and his father in law helped him out for a long time (financially and emotionally). Other family members got upset because we helped him out while he was extremely lazy and he was playing computer game all day. He finally understood when my father got hospitalized and he is a good son and good brother now. If we had given up on him, he would not become who he is today. He still needs help, but not as much.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It would be wise to consult an attorney before letting any person move into your home. After a period of time, they have residential rights and cannot be 'kicked out'. Doesn't matter if they don't pay or help in any way, shape or form. Legal action would be required. 

Imagine the damage a disgruntled relative can do to your home while you're waiting for the legal system to work its magic.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I don't help freeloaders, relative or not. I have tried it, and it is a never-ending battle and they take, take, take. I hate the entitlement mentality. I would never let someone move into my home because it can be hard to get them out. 

My motto is able bodied adults work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nikolas (Aug 22, 2011)

After not seeing my sister for 10 years she comes out of the woodwork and asks to stay with us for 3 weeks, STUPID me, I took pity on her and agreed, She's 41, no job, no car, she relocated from Tennessee to Cali and had $1600 to her name, says she'll move to another siblings home after 3 weeks.

3 weeks turned into 7 and all this girl did is mooch, using my wife to drive her places, my Wife likes to cook so she began cooking her breakfast, lunch and dinner, and because she was a vegetarian the meals were prepared special, 1 month she spent screwing around looking for a car, finally bought one and didn't like, with still no job she sells it and takes a $700 loss.. My brother lends her his car, and by now were at 5 weeks, because his house isn't ready for move-in yet, I was after her to look for work because I couldn't support her, she says she's applying, for work, in the 7th weeks of living with us and not contributing a penny or even lifting a finger to help around the house, I told her that once she gets a job I'd like her to pay me $100 for some of the food, she argued with me saying she doesn't eat our food, that she buys her own and she felt she didn't owe me anything, I brought up all the meals my Wife cooked for her and her response to that was; "I didn't ask for it"

That was the last straw, clearly the good deed we were doing for her was not going appreciated, I gave her 5 days to move out, after the 3rd day she put her things in storage and later sends me a text telling me she's homeless living in her car, and insinuating that it's all my fault.

People like this refuse to accept responsibilty for the situation their in, it's always the fault of someone else.... Never again, it's like the old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished"


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