# From a newbie... Husband's interesting request



## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

I found this site today and have read a lot of the discussions. I haven't seen this question posted so I thought I would ask. I am mostly interested in women's points of view on this but of course am happy to have anyone contribute and I thank you for sharing your constructive thoughts with me.

My husband and I have a good sex life. In fact I tease him all the time that I never tell my girlfriends anything about him because I'm worried they would steal him!

We share fantasies and enjoy talking dirty to each other during our play time, and a lot of our dirty talk revolves around me messing around with groups of men, whether he's included or not. For us this is really just fantasy. We're not talking about making this happen in real life, but the fantasy play makes us both very hot.

The other night he told me that he wants me to "direct his masturbation." I know that he masturbates pretty frequently and I don't have an issue with it. Basically, he wants me to tell him when he can and can't jerk off. He told me that he wants me to keep him from cumming, put him "on a schedule," and more stuff like that. 

I guess in some way this sounds like fun but I am confused. He has told me about having "submissive" fantasies but this is the first time he's really shared something specific with me. I am willing to do this but to be honest it takes me a while to get turned on and when I'm not in a sexual mood I'm just not. So how am I supposed to get all excited and whatnot just to make him pull down his pants and masturbate? 

So I guess I have two questions... one, how do I do this so that it's "interesting" for him AND for me?

Two, should I be worried that my husband's sexual submissive side is trying to tell me something? Maybe there's more to this that I don't understand.

Thanks


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

What the heck do I know.
I love your hot fantasy. 
I'll give it a go.

Do you mean direct as in band director? In front of you? or just control when he can and can't. I am like him in that I masterbate a lot. Maybe he wants to see if it affects your sex life in some way? Have you asked him directly, what's the point?

If he just wants you to control when, that's not going to work anyway no? I mean if he's in the shower and starts thinking about you, seems kinds hard to police haha.

If there is discussion about sex I'd always rather go to it!!! But the masterbation is for when thats not possible or to build better fantasies. 

As far as making it interesting. Assuming he would still go off and do this himself, maybe you get a good story out of it. 
Each time he does (you permit him (haha)) , when time appropriate, he has to tell you the details of what he was visualizing when he was doing it. I think that would be interesting.

As far as being worried I wouldnt think so, You guys "seem" pretty open so take the step and see where it goes (if anywhere).  
have fun!


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Thanks. Yes he said he wants to be "allowed" to masturbate only in front of me, only when I say so. And I get to tell him when he can cum and when he can't, the obvious implication being that he wants me to not let him cum. I don't mind watching him do it but it's not one of my top 3 turn-ons. And I know if he wanted to "cheat," he could and I wouldn't really care. 

I guess I have understood subconsciously that he wants to be more submissive since he has these fantasies about me with other men, but this is the first time he has actually asked me to play out a scenario where he is really submitting to me. I feel like I don't know how to do this or even whether to do it.

I want to make him happy and keep it fun, but there's something going on here that's hard for me to describe.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

He's trying to start the whole cuckhold/hotwife deal I think, though somewhat unusual in that typically the husbands orgasm control thing comes after the sex with other men starts rather than before it.

The full on version of this is where you become the hotwife and end up having sex with other men either with or without him, and he doesn't get to even have sex with you anymore but can only masturbate at your command for sexual release. There is also an element of erotic humilation invovled for the husband as being not good enough for sex with the wife, while her lovers are.

I think this form of relationship carries some real risks to the marriage. Most notaby you falling out of love with your husband, and bonding to a lover.

I would ask him to clarify his fantasy and intent with all this. I understand in the heat of the moment things can sound exciting and turn your on, even if you have no intent to actually do that. Him playing out submissive roles might also just short circuit your basic attraction to him. Most women actually want her man to be sexual dominant, not submissive.

I've had some of these fantasies myself for sometime during my marriage. I've since backed away from them and found after a while it's quite possible to find other fantasy and hot sex talk that works just as well on my wife as the other stuff. Namely stuff along the lines of "you're my little xxxx, and I'm gonna make you xxxx me whenever I want to". "I'm going xxxx you until I'm done with you". Which I think is better for the marriage than "I'm hiding in the closet and two huge dudes are doing you".


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

You know yourself better than anyone. If the path may turn you off to him, then be careful. If its simply something you may not enjoy all that much and its just you two. I cant see harm in indulging him once or twice. 

I would try to coax it from him also, if this is step one to a larger plan. 

You always have the right to slam on the brakes if it turns into something uncomfortable for you, till then, no risk no reward right?

FYI Im always an optimist

I wanted to add, if your not sure exactly where he wants to go with this, NObody here will. But I (ok im a man) might ask the other way round. If you had a request of him and maybe it was not one of his favorite things, would you want him to at least try with you?


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Atholk said:


> I think this form of relationship carries some real risks to the marriage. Most notaby you falling out of love with your husband, and bonding to a lover.


This is exactly why H and I are not going to take that step. We like talking about it but there is a real line between fantasy and reality.

We often play out scenarios where he dominates me, so I think there's some balance here. I don't know.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

I suppose if he's worried you're not getting enough, and he's spending his energies elsewhere, this is a little experiment to see if him saving all his energies for you results in more sex for you both.

You might try it the other way round: tell him you'll direct him, and then make him climax like four times in a row in two hours. (You might have to help.)

After that, you can be pretty sure he won't be doing himself for at least a little while. (Depending on his age, maybe a couple of days.  )


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Mal74 said:


> This is exactly why H and I are not going to take that step. We like talking about it but there is a real line between fantasy and reality.
> 
> We often play out scenarios where he dominates me, so I think there's some balance here. I don't know.


Hmmm. He might just have an active imagination and enjoy almost anything sexual then. Which is usually no a problem.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I'd say give it a try and have some fun with it!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

LOL

I have on occasion had some desire to have wife be rough with ME - but she never responded to the couple times I suggested it. And so I let it drop. I definitely would not want to encourage a path that leads to reducing her desire for me. 




Atholk said:


> He's trying to start the whole cuckhold/hotwife deal I think, though somewhat unusual in that typically the husbands orgasm control thing comes after the sex with other men starts rather than before it.
> 
> The full on version of this is where you become the hotwife and end up having sex with other men either with or without him, and he doesn't get to even have sex with you anymore but can only masturbate at your command for sexual release. There is also an element of erotic humilation invovled for the husband as being not good enough for sex with the wife, while her lovers are.
> 
> ...


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Well Mal74, 

Are you gonna leave us wondering? What did you decide? 
What happened?


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Happy new year!

I never realized how many men want to be watched while they masturbate. Seems a little odd to me but hey, some of my fantasies would seem crazy to others I'm sure.

It's funny, Star, I started doing almost exactly what you said the other day. I'll keep you all posted about it I guess. It's funny... feels a little silly to me but I'm sure we can make it hot.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Well for those of you who were interested, I tried this out this morning after getting our daughter off to school. 

Suffice it to say that H was delighted despite being left... um, high and dry, as it were.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

very neat.
Thanks for closing the "loop" 

So, was it ok in the end for you? Did you find a way to make it interesting for you? or was it naturally?!?!


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

I thought about it over the weekend but we didn't talk about it. It was fun I guess. I sort of covered up my awkwardness and just told him that since he had said this was what he wanted he better have meant it. He got a little sheepish about it at that point which actually kind of turned me on!

And yes I am planning my next move. I think this might turn out to be more fun than I first thought. I won't take up any more board time with it but sharing this with you all has really helped and has been part of the fun so if you want to know more you can PM me and I will be happy to share. I told H that I asked about it here and showed him the thread so he's cool.


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