# Co-Dependant NO More!!



## hurtingsodeeply (Nov 8, 2011)

How many of you have suffered with a co-dependant personality, and recently discoverd it?? I have been going to therapy extensively, working on myself since leaving my wife. I have recently joined an ACA group and learned alot.. I learned that I was always pleasing others, and not looking out for myself. My stbxw thinks that I am being selfish and not working on the marriage, just my self.. I fouhgt for our marriage for almost 5 years while suffering from emotional disconnect by her and also a physical disconnect. SHew didnt see anything wrong until I walked out the door. Let me tell you that was the hardest thing I have ever done, but talk about liberating. Now that I find out I am co-dependant personality, it explains alot. I moved 2000 miles away from my family, because she asked me to. I took out a large loan to renovate our house, which she askled me to. The truck I bought with my inheritance?? She calls it hers and I have nevcer called her on it, because I was making her happy... Well d*&M it, shouldnt I be happy too??? I learned I can live my own life, but also live it with someone else.. but not for someone else!! That is a huge difference to me.. Any ways, just wondering if anyone else has been thru this, or going thru this?? Any input is appreciated.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I was. Not in therapy specifically for it, but I know I was.
It was also why my marriage failed, but that was "my fault"(half true).
I am feeling better being away from her and her family, but I miss my kids when I don't have them.
I don't have any helpful input.


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## lala1978 (Jul 21, 2011)

I suppose I could consider myself co dep as well. I see now through counseling, journaling, and reading that he has tried to blame all of his pain on me. He was very good at, it was very suble, just enough to make me believe a lot of it. 

I am sorry you are doing through this. The only input I have for you is to continue your journey, keep educating yourself, keep growing. The mistake I made the most was looking back and trying to make it all make sense, I needed it to make sense, I needed him to say "ya, that was crazy **** I did to you".. well, for me.. just wasted time..


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## HisMrs83 (Aug 8, 2011)

I can't say that I can relate... But I WILL say that I'm SO happy for you! Everyone deserves to be happy. But not everyone realizes that happiness should not be sought out in others but in one's self! Good luck!!!!


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

My counselor must of seen this in me when I explained my relationship with my H, she suggested reading the book " The new codependency:Help and guidance for Today's Generation" by Melody Beattie.. I should be getting it in the mail tomorrow, am looking forward to reading it. Hoping it will help me break away from his controlling behavior.


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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

hurtinme said:


> I was with my wife for 15 yrs during this time she was emotionally reliant upon me I am ( or was) a positive person with a good outlook on life and this was a key feature of mine for my wife as she was a little on the glass half empty side. I loved and maybe still do love her but i am unsure if it is love at this moment. Approx 4 years ago my stbxw father died and she took thos extremely badly e.g. Depression for a yeAr diring this time I tried everything I possibly could to help her as it was reallly hurting me to see her in so much pain. You could say it was at that point that Everything I done was solely for her MY LIFE WAS DEDICATED TO HELPING HER i felt her pain and was constantly upset and trying so hard to het her out of that state. Well after another 2 years and more personal disasters e.g . Loss of dog, family member and job I just became emotionally over attached to her. Am not saying I was perfect hubby here far from it I made lots of mistakes but what is clear to me is that in mu quest to make her happy or ok again I sacrificed ME the person I was I became addicted to trying to please her and I mean everything I done e.g. Cutting lawn I would think she will like that, tidying up the same, making tea, etc everything I done I sone to please. This is where now we are seperated I find it so hard to tidy up as there is no reward in it she not here to say thats nice, making tea the same. Everything i done was to me special because I was or am addicted to praise to her needing me being reliant upon me and rewarding me . This was my self worth or so I believed well actually still kinda do but am fighting it. Without her now nothing seems worth doing. Now that I have heard of codep and read lots around it i realise the terrible trap I am in. So each day. Ow I tell myself so long as she is happy she can do what she likes, and I do at least one thing for myself not just going through the motions e.g. Visiting my sister because I want to. Making a nice tea because I want a nice tea, this seems to be working a little and helping me but I do fear it may only be a temporary lift like so many over the past two months, but the old me would not think like that so hey its working a treat And its going to stay. No advice sorry but an honest case study.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenwoman (Mar 29, 2012)

i can totally relate i am co dependant


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I spent the last 13 years trying to please him and make him happy, always worried about him and neglecting myself and my daughter's needs

now he's gone from my life I feel the most amazing sense of liberation - my money is my own, my life is my own, I am feeling fantastic at the moment

it's like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders - actually feel a bit guilty about it!!


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