# My wife left me a week ago



## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

I honestly don't know where to start or what exactly happened but here is what is going on....

My wife and I have been together 12 years we have 4 kids together 17 year old boy, 13 year old girl, 8 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. The 2 older kids are not biologically mine, but i looked at them as mine and treated them as mine, the 2 younger ones are biologically mine. 

So my wife and i had an argument last week. I honestly can't remember what was said but I do remember saying at the end if you think im such a horrible person why are you with me? Biggest regret in my life so far because she took that and left. Later that night her brother comes over to our house telling me he is ending our relationship and that he is here to kick me out of my house. I just closed the door on him and locked it. He tried to break in through the door and I called the cops, my wife comes back hours later drunk, supposedly drinking at a friend's house, I tell her that I will leave then and get a hotel room for a couple days which I did. I came back home the next morning to see the kids and she called her brother to come and "talk with me". I put that in quotes because that's what she said. Anyways I'm at my house maybe 20 minutes before he comes pulling up around noon just smashed drunk (yes he was driving) he comes into the house after she invited him in demands my child leave so he can "talk to me" except there was no talking he just starts yelling at me telling me I'm a piece of **** and all that. I told him I really don't wanna hear this from him And step outside in the back yard. He follows me calling me names and proceeds to try and get me to fight him. He tore a cigarette from my mouth spit on my shows saying if I was a real cowboy I'd kick his ass for that. I told him I'm not fighting him and he continues to follow me and berate me. I call the cops because he just won't leave me alone, they show up, tell me it's probably best if I got back to my hotel, so I ask if I can have my kids, my wife says yes and let's me take the 2 younger ones but only the youngest wanted to come with me. So we are at the hotel. Trying to keep busy, playo g swimming watching TV, I come to my phone to find missed calls and texts, turns out they are from my wifes brother calling me a dead beat dad and saying it would best for my kids if I just killed myself, needless to say with what happened with my wife and I arguing him telling me to kill myself just made me even more depressed, so I block his number block him on social media. I come home after 2 days, my wife is home with my oldest daughter oldest son is with her brother at his house, I let my wife know that it is my house to I have every right to be here and if we are really separating then she can leave this time because I have no family or friends in the area I have no where to go, her whole family lives here. So she packs her stuff and the older kids stuff tells me the younger 2 can stay with me, then brother shows up demands me to hand him my guns, screaming and yelling at me searching my house for them, once again I call the cops but he ran before they got here. She went to go stay with him and the 2 older kids

First whole day home with the younger kids and me, the wife shows up tells me all this stuff about wanting a divorce but doesn't want to use lawyers because she doesn't want us to be in debt cause of the kids, said okay to that went on with my day, she comes back later to get more stuff we talk again she says she still loves me but isn't in love with me, again okay, she has stopped by every night to talk to the younger kids and then to me. It's pretty much the same thing I love you but I'm not in love with you I want a divorce again okay she says she doesn't want to take the kids away from me because that would hurt her more than the divorce. 

The second day of just me and the kids I am a wreck between her brother telling me kill myself and her telling she wants a divorce I decide to schedule myself some counseling sessions, which start later today.

So she calls me this morning acting all happy like nothing happened saying g she's hot something for me. My mind immediately goes to divorce papers, it wasn't that. She want to give me the new debt card she ordered. We are talking out in the backyard and I asked her what she wants again she says she doesn't want to be married anymore she loves me and want to be friends for the kids. I let her know it kills me everytime I see her that I want us to be civil for the kids but that I don't think we can actually be friends. This women is the love of my life and the mother of my children. I am always going to love her and if she came back and said she want to be together I would say yes but her showing up acting like everything is normal but telling me she want a divorce is just confusing the hell out of me. 

Anyways I am just at a loss as to what to do. I want her back and she is sending mix signals like she want to but doesn't want to I mean she is staying at her brother's and part me thinks she wants to come back but her brother is keeps telling her that I'm a horrible and deserve to die. 

Like I said I'm just lost. This post was mostly to vent I think but I would appreciate any feed back on what to do.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Never, ever leave your home. Go online and check you phone bill. *File a restraining order against her brother now. You have all the evidence you need. Talk = nothing only your actions count.*
You need to wake up fast. See an attorney and find out your rights.
If your smart you’ll keep a voice activated recorder on you at all times. People get false charges filed against them in these situations. Wake up to your new reality or get woken up.
You’ve been warned. I hope You listen. You need too.
It sounds like you’d better protect your finances right now.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Right now her words are meaningless. Her actions tell you what you need to know.
Ignore at your peril.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

A lot sit back do nothing but talk and end up paying dearly for their inactions.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Why haven't you acquired legal services by now? come on dude, you are at war. You are bring bamboozle and set up for a (DV) Domestic Violence charges. You shouldn't ever be alone with her again. 

Again seek legal counseling like yesterday. Do not, I repeat do not leave your home unless instructed so by your lawyer. Ask your lawyer in what way to separate finances. Open a new account to deposit your paychecks. 

Serve her ASAP with Divorce papers and separation agreement with 50/50 custody of your children 

Moreover, why haven't you seek for a restraining order against your BIL? You should already have copies of the police reports. Dude move on with your counterattack. You're at war and they are the enemy. Do not let them get one over you. 

Time to be a man. You need to grab your courage, and proceed as instructed by your legal counselor. Forget about that I don't know what to do nonsense.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Why didn’t you call 911 when your BIL arrived drunk and was harassing you? What would have been the downside of doing so?


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

PieceOfSky said:


> Why didn’t you call 911 when your BIL arrived drunk and was harassing you? What would have been the downside of doing so?


I did call the cops


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I did call the cops


File a restraining order or you’ll get more.


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> Why haven't you acquired legal services by now? come on dude, you are at war. You are bring bamboozle and set up for a (DV) Domestic Violence charges. You shouldn't ever be alone with her again.
> 
> Again seek legal counseling like yesterday. Do not, I repeat do not leave your home unless instructed so by your lawyer. Ask your lawyer in what way to separate finances. Open a new account to deposit your paychecks.
> 
> ...


I have already gotten the restraining order after the last time talking to the cops. They let me know it would be legal to record voice only tho and I have every interaction since. I'm just confused as to why she keeps showing up to get thing or bring me thing I didn't ask for.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I have already gotten the restraining order after the last time talking to the cops. They let me know it would be legal to record voice only tho and I have every interaction since. I'm just confused as to why she keeps showing up to get thing or bring me thing I didn't ask for.


Probably trying to stay in control. Get to an attorney and protect your assets. She starts credit card spending you could be on the hook for half. You don’t want to be sorry later if you don’t.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Have you filed for divorce? If you have not/— stupid thing to do nothing here.
Don’t toe your hands up, sit on them, and smoke the Hopium pipe and pray she’s suddenly going to tell you she now loves you. Anytime a woman tells you those words…. “ILYBINILWY”….. the relationship is long past OVER. The “let’s not get lawyers involved” is a conniving spouse’s way of saying “I don’t want YOU to get a lawyer yet, but I’m getting one and plan on raping you.”

Just put your feelings for your wife aside and your fears as well, abd see an attorney. They deal with this every day and you need one to advise you badly.

Every single second you waste because you’re scared and you live your wife snd kids, blah blah blah, is going to get you that much closer to losing your kids. Your wife is already gone. Save yourself financially by filing now, and for goodness sake please get a VAR and record every second you’re in your wife’s presence.
She’s going to have you put in jail. Guaranteed. Unless you wise up.
Do not leave the family home unless a good attorney tells you to. 

your wife is your worst enemy now. Don’t be blind to that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your wife has a boyfriend and wants to be 'friends' so she doesn't look like such an asshole. She let you keep custody of the two younger kids so she has a built-in babysitter for when she gets together with lover boy. Start investigating.

Don't do the pick-me dance and make her earn her way back into the marriage. To hell with her brother. It sounds like they both have a drinking problem.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@Heartbroken&Confused, did you make the call already? I mean, have you called at least one lawyer? Should always get two or three consultations to find a lawyer you'd feel comfortable with. You just can't waste another minute. Make the calls.


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> Why haven't you acquired legal services by now? come on dude, you are at war. You are bring bamboozle and set up for a (DV) Domestic Violence charges. You shouldn't ever be alone with her again.
> 
> Again seek legal counseling like yesterday. Do not, I repeat do not leave your home unless instructed so by your lawyer. Ask your lawyer in what way to separate finances. Open a new account to deposit your paychecks.
> 
> ...


I have already gotten the restraining order after the last time talking to the cops. They let me know it would be legal to record voice only tho and I have every interaction since. I'm just confused as to why she keeps showing up to get thing or bring me thing I didn't ask for.


Marc878 said:


> Probably trying to stay in control. Get to an attorney and protect your assets. She starts credit card spending you could be on the hook for half. You don’t want to be sorry later if you don’t.





Rob_1 said:


> @Heartbroken&Confused, did you make the call already? I mean, have you called at least one lawyer? Should always get two or three consultations to find a lawyer you'd feel comfortable with. You just can't waste another minute. Make the calls.


I'm making them this morning


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I'm just confused as to why she keeps showing up to get thing or bring me thing I didn't ask for.


LOL


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I did call the cops


Well why the heck didn't they arrest him for a DUI infraction?

And yes, you need to file for a restraining order against him. Although, I'm not sure if you have a case for that, so you need to consult with a lawyer.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I honestly don't know where to start or what exactly happened but here is what is going on....
> 
> My wife and I have been together 12 years we have 4 kids together 17 year old boy, 13 year old girl, 8 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. The 2 older kids are not biologically mine, but i looked at them as mine and treated them as mine, the 2 younger ones are biologically mine.
> 
> ...


Quit smoking. Seriously man.


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

ah_sorandy said:


> Well why the heck didn't they arrest him for a DUI infraction?
> 
> And yes, you need to file for a restraining order against him. Although, I'm not sure if you have a case for that, so you need to consult with a lawyer.


Its because the cops never actually saw him get behind the wheel, they knew he was drunk they asked him how he got here and he said he walked, and right after that and right in front of the cops walks to his truck and grabs a beer and opens it in front of them. Idk why the cops didn't do anything then. I honestly don't trust cops.


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

uwe.blab said:


> Quit smoking. Seriously man.


That's the funny thing I really don't smoke I was just really stressed from what happened and bought a pack. Haven't smoked since then still have 3 quarters of a pack.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think it would be legal to give brother in law an attitude adjustment the instant he came in your house without your permission. The passivity amazes me. 
regardless of the legality, you should have dealt some severe consequences for the drunkard entering your home and disrespecting you like that. But no doubt you could get a restraining order.


Heartbroken&Confused said:


> Its because the cops never actually saw him get behind the wheel, they knew he was drunk they asked him how he got here and he said he walked, and right after that and right in front of the cops walks to his truck and grabs a beer and opens it in front of them. Idk why the cops didn't do anything then. I honestly don't trust cops.


why? Police are there to serve and protect? Lol


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> I think it would be legal to give brother in law an attitude adjustment the instant he came in your house without your permission. The passivity amazes me.
> regardless of the legality, you should have dealt some severe consequences for the drunkard entering your home and disrespecting you like that. But no doubt you could get a restraining order.
> 
> why? Police are there to serve and protect? Lol


I didn't want to be arrested in front of my children, and because my wife invited him over the cops could not have trespassed him. Hence why I got the restraining order now he can't come with in 165 ft of me or my house


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I didn't want to be arrested in front of my children, and because my wife invited him over the cops could not have trespassed him. Hence why I got the restraining order now he can't come with in 165 ft of me or my house


Good thinking both ways. Use that same decisiveness and file


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Good thinking both ways. Use that same decisiveness and file


Trust me so I want to meet her brother in a dark alley and snap his neck but I'm thinking about my kids


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> Trust me so I want to meet her brother in a dark alley and snap his neck but I'm thinking about my kids


Snapping his neck is a little harsh but a couple of well placed knuckle sandwiches would be the special of the day.

just file. You can always stop it. It takes a while. You won’t want to.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> Its because the cops never actually saw him get behind the wheel, they knew he was drunk they asked him how he got here and he said he walked, and right after that and right in front of the cops walks to his truck and grabs a beer and opens it in front of them. Idk why the cops didn't do anything then. I honestly don't trust cops.


This sounds highly unlikely. Either you haven't told us everything or there's stuff that you don't know about his relation with the local PD.


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> This sounds highly unlikely. Either you haven't told us everything or there's stuff that you don't know about his relation with the local PD.


Honestly told you everything. As for him having a relationship with the cops wouldn't be surprised Thier family has lived in this small town forever


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Wow OP, you've got some amazing restraint and patience. Faced with the same set of circumstances, I'd have likely seperated the BIL from conciousness.


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## Heartbroken&Confused (7 mo ago)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Wow OP, you've got some amazing restraint and patience. Faced with the same set of circumstances, I'd have likely seperated the BIL from conciousness.


Thank you, seriously it means alot to hear that.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK your response to his "if you were a real cowboy ..." should have been "if I were a real cowboy I would have shot you dead in self defense and for tresapassing" and legally I would be in my rights - not that I am suggesting that you should do that. You need to put the fear of God in him.

Second I agree with the others in that restraining order etc should have been in place after the first time. Also you are a witness to him driving drunk and would under oath swear that he did not walk to your house and that you had seen him drive there.

Finally it also sounds like your wife has been stepping out on you and you need to go into full investigation mode - mouth shut and eyes & ears open. Check call logs, facebook, etc. Can you track her by GPS? Find out where she goes and go there and check who she is meeting.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

I think you mentioned it already but restraining order is a must. Family court is where that happens so all you need to do is file paperwork and make the allegation it is almost always granted without question. (dont even need a lawyer for this its trivial) File on both brother and her. Make their lives miserable with this. It will help you in the divorce


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I have already gotten the restraining order after the last time talking to the cops. They let me know it would be legal to record voice only tho and I have every interaction since. I'm just confused as to why she keeps showing up to get thing or bring me thing I didn't ask for.


To **** with you!


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I didn't want to be arrested in front of my children, and because my wife invited him over the cops could not have trespassed him. Hence why I got the restraining order now he can't come with in 165 ft of me or my house


You would have been defending yourself in YOUR OWN home.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> This sounds highly unlikely. Either you haven't told us everything or there's stuff that you don't know about his relation with the local PD.


Sounds like small town TX.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

It’s obvious your “wife” is over the relationship. Give her what she wants and move on with life.

If she is going to let you keep the younger kids, get a lawyer.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Heartbroken&Confused said:


> I honestly don't know where to start or what exactly happened but here is what is going on....
> 
> My wife and I have been together 12 years we have 4 kids together 17 year old boy, 13 year old girl, 8 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. The 2 older kids are not biologically mine, but i looked at them as mine and treated them as mine, the 2 younger ones are biologically mine.
> 
> ...


My wife left me last week. In the rear of Mike's Saloon I married another. It was jug of the reddest wine that ever burned the throat of man. I love my new wife. You can have the other.


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