# In a sex-deprived marriage, is it okay to demand sex?



## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

In a sex-deprived marriage, is it okay to demand sex? As in, make it clear that you expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks), and you're going to expect it whether you partner is ready for it or not?

If this is not okay, what does one do for an option. (Don't say 'divorce' please, not everybody looks at it that way.) If it's okay, what happens to theories of marital rape... and could this be seen as coercion of a sort (without which sex would perhaps never happen in the marriage)?

Would like to hear your thoughts on this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

brownmale said:


> There must be some ways of at least convincing them to meet some of your needs...
> 
> I've spoken to her, told her what I feel... asked her if she's really serious when she says I could get my needs met elsewhere... Shown an interest in other women (just to make her jealous, which works!)
> 
> ...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Op your posts are very disturbing. If this is all for real then it seems like you are raping your wife, that is illegal and no way ever acceptable. If this is for real then get some therapy asap.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

brownmale said:


> In a sex-deprived marriage, is it okay to demand sex? *NO*
> 
> As in, make it clear that you expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks), *YES this part is OK*
> 
> ...


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

What you are describing is rape. What is the rest of your relationship like? Are you abusive in other ways.? If so it's probably why she doesn't desire you. 

You are not trustworthy. Good sex starts with love and trust.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Is marital rape ok? Wow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It's not OK in most civilized countries and I doubt it'd be very effective. Forcing someone to have sex against their will is, however, a marvelous way to go to prison and to be tagged as a sex offender for the remainder of your days.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, if you're truly suffering from a sex starved marriage then I'd recommend you starting a thread that is specific to your issues and an openness on your part to share information about your situation so that people can offer real suggestions to you specific to your situation. Right now, it appears that you're trying to canvas for opinions so that you can tell your wife that 1) withholding sex is up there with cheating, 2) i need a minimum amount of intimacy weekly and 3) if you don't offer intimacy freely then don't be surprised if I start demanding it.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Whether it is marital rape depends on a lot of things that we cant tell from the OP. In particular if you "order" your wife to have sex with you, what does she believe will happen if she refuses? 

If your partner will not have sex with you, the first question is to find out why. If it is something that you can change, then you can decide if you are willing to do that. If there is nothing you can change, you fall back on the standard 3 choices:

Leave, cheat, live without sex. 

I guess there really are 2 more choices:

Forcing them - this is rape and clearly unacceptable

Negotiating: "If you have sex with me I will / won't do XYZ". As long as the negotiation is not coercive, then I don't think its wrong, but it doesn't seem like a good solution to me.


I'm ambivalent about whether "have sex with me or I want a divorce" is OK. That one is tricky.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Demand sex? OMG, that is too funny! That would go over really well in my house.....*NOT*!

Also, how many threads does one need to make covering the same topic ad nauseum?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

OP, just think about this logically for a moment.

You are demanding sex from someone who does not want to have sex with you. 

If you demand money from a bank teller that doesn't want to give you money--that's bank robbery.

If you demand sex from a woman that does not want to have sex with you--that's rape.

And my final thought on this--why would you want to have coerced sex in the first place?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

brownmale said:


> In a sex-deprived marriage, *is it okay to demand sex? As in, make it clear that you expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks), *and you're going to expect it whether you partner is ready for it or not?
> 
> If this is not okay, what does one do for an option. (Don't say 'divorce' please, not everybody looks at it that way.) If it's okay, *what happens to theories of marital rape... *and could this be seen as coercion of a sort (without which sex would perhaps never happen in the marriage)?
> 
> Would like to hear your thoughts on this.


My 2 cents. There is a huge difference between stating your expectations for what a happy marriage entails and marrital rape. 

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt, when you say, "expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks), and you're going to expect it whether you partner is ready for it or not?" By that I mean I assume you wanted to say to her, "Honey, I need to have sex with you once a week, if I am to feel bonded and close to you and that sometime during the week, unless there is something exceptional going on in your life, I expect you will find time to schedule a night of sex with me."

There is nothing wrong with goal setting. There is nothing wrong with scheduling date nights. There is nothing rapist-like with a wife scheduling a date night and then having sex with her husband that night even if she isn't feeling horny. 

So much of this has to do with the spirt of the request and the consequences of not following through. 

I was in an SSM, where we didn't have sex for months at a time and my wife was angry at me and emotionally hurt me with sex. We worked through that. Part of working through that was with the help of a sex therapist who after pointing out to my wife that we were headed on a path toward divorce, asked my wife if she would rather have sex with her husband or not have sex with him and end up being divorced? My wife and I worked at rebuilding our relationship, but an important moment came when the sex therapist asked me to define what I thought a reasonable and happy sex life within marriage looked like. After considerable thought, I said sex three times a week, with touching and cuddling additional days. The therapist asked me why not 3 times a day. I explained and she said I had good reasons. Then the therapist asked my wife if she had ever had sex with me three times a week during our dating and/or marriage. My wife said yes. The therapist said to my wife great, you've done it before, you can do it again....now get on with your lives. In a later session my wife pleaded that twice a week was all she could manage most weeks. The therapist looked at me and asked if for all those years when sex had been once every three or four months, would you have dreamed of sex twice a week? I said yes, She told me to man-up and compromise with my wife on twice a week.

I really don't view my situation as marital rape via a sex therapist. Likewise, I will give the OP the benefit of the doubt assuming he is just trying to establish boundaries or goals in his marriage.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

brownmale said:


> In a sex-deprived marriage, is it okay to demand sex? As in, make it clear that you expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks), and you're going to expect it whether you partner is ready for it or not?
> 
> If this is not okay, what does one do for an option. (Don't say 'divorce' please, not everybody looks at it that way.) If it's okay, what happens to theories of marital rape... and could this be seen as coercion of a sort (without which sex would perhaps never happen in the marriage)?
> 
> Would like to hear your thoughts on this.


Seek Professional Help. This post is disturbing on so many levels. What is your wife to you? Chattel?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

brownmale said:


> In a sex-deprived marriage, is it okay to demand sex? As in, make it clear that you expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks),


You can demand anything you want. The question isn't whether you can demand sex, it's whether that's conducive to health and well being of your overall marriage. 



brownmale said:


> and you're going to expect it whether you partner is ready for it or not?


What does this mean? If you demand sex, and she's not willing, or ready, what's your next course of action?

I'm going to hope we're not talking about rape here...


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

brownmale said:


> (Don't say 'divorce' please, not everybody looks at it that way.)


Whenever a poster comes to TAM with a serious marital issue with their spouse, and lays out the caveat of "divorce is not an option"; I just shake my head. Because often times, either divorce or the offending partner's fear of divorce becomes the only solution.

In your case, forcing sex should not be an option and bargaining for sex is not a good option. It demeans you to your wife and allows her to use sex as a controlling mechanism. That is, if she would even agree to it.

You should have a calm, rational discussion with her telling her how you feel; or even better, get in to MC to discuss it. But when all else fails, if she knows you're not willing to divorce over this, you have very little recourse.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> My 2 cents. There is a huge difference between stating your expectations for what a happy marriage entails and marrital rape.
> 
> I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt, when you say, "expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks), and you're going to expect it whether you partner is ready for it or not?" By that I mean I assume you wanted to say to her, "Honey, I need to have sex with you once a week, if I am to feel bonded and close to you and that sometime during the week, unless there is something exceptional going on in your life, I expect you will find time to schedule a night of sex with me."
> 
> ...


You went about this in the right way. I'm glad that you and your wife have made great improvements in your marriage. It was a lot of good things about yourself.

Unfortunately, similar solutions have been suggested to the OP and rejects it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hi Brownmale, 

I'll go out on a limb for you and give you advice from myself and a priest:

Priest would say that it is OK to expect sex (not demand) once a week from your wife. I know because this topic was discussed without me even asking during pre cana. 

Personally I will tell you that you can demand sex as much as you want, just realize that you might often have to have sex alone when you do this, and try not to be too rough on yourself.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I guess I'm just really confused by the OP's series of threads lately. 

He states in one that he had a 3-4 year affair with another woman, then says it wasn't "cheating" because his wife had told him to find someone else to have sex with. Now he wants to know if it's okay to demand sex from his wife. Is it just that he feels entitled to sex _with his wife_, even if he's getting the sex he needs elsewhere, as part of some type of control thing? 

I mean, if she told him to seek out other women, why not go that route again if what he wants is sex? I just don't get it. Clearly he's not above stepping out of the marriage to get his needs met.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Do you really want duty sex? Use your hand.

In a dark hour but some time ago, I tried a lot of different approaches to my wife to try to unlock some passion (something I am now certain does not exist--at least for me) One of those things I tried was being much more "take charge" about sex and even pushing the envelope pretty far and insisting on it once. I would not call it demanding as its not like I made any threats, but I was persistent in a strong way rather than a weak/begging way. It did not help. Either she wants to or not. You can throw balls over the plate all day long but if the batter never wants to swing, you don't have a game. 

It is one thing for me to what I did in trying to unlock a better relationship. For you think that "demanding" sex is even in play suggests a complete detachment from the act of making love. If that is all it is, there are a million ways under the sun to get off and many of them do not require degrading another human being.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

badmemory said:


> Whenever a poster comes to TAM with a serious marital issue with their spouse, and lays out the caveat of "divorce is not an option"; I just shake my head. Because often times, either divorce or the offending partner's fear of divorce becomes the only solution.


Yes, it always reads to me like someone coming to a weight loss board and saying "Hi. I want to lose 100 lbs, but please don't recommend I eat fewer calories because I don't believe in doing that".


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I have not demanded sex, but I have forced affection to a point.

My wife gets into a mind set where she doesn't want me close to her. I hug her and she pushes me away. In the past, I have hugged her and refused to stop. She pushes me away, and I hold my arm there. Eventually she would give up and let me keep my arm there. After 5 or 10 minutes of holding her, she often warms up. She will reach to hold my hand. I move from holding her to rubbing her back. The touching continues to escalate and often results in love making. Then she will apologize for being so stubborn and cold.

I haven't done this for a while. Last time I tried, she got really angry.

I still initiate 95% of the time, but I give up a bunch sooner. I hate having to be the one to initiate as I always feel she is just doing it and not really wanting to do it.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I cannot imagine why your wife wouldn't want to have sex with you.

It sounds like such an awesomely romantic experience.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Rape is ok, but not divorce? :scratchhead:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just bend her over the couch once in a while and pound away! LOL!

Seriously though dude, why get to the point you are at? Your marriage isn't functioning. Really work and fix it or get the hell out.

If there is something lacking in you, other women won't want your Oscar either so you might want to improve yourself regardless of whether your wife becomes more "open" to you or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I don't see that the OP has been back to elaborate. I did not read this as him asking if it was "OK to rape his wife." 

I HOPE that is not what he is asking. If so, my answer is definitely NO.

In giving him the benefit of the doubt and what I think he is trying to ask is setting clear expectations for what he wants (demands) in his marriage. For example, I demand my partner hold a job, bathe, pick up after himself, not break the law etc. So does he mean an unwritten expectation, that is implied with marriage?

OP, can you please elaborate on if you are referring to rape, or concerned that your "expectation/demand" will be inferred as rape?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

There are cultures, traditions etc (call it what you will) where the wife is supposed to give herself to her husband whenever he wants her. For people in those cultures it is the norm. 

I see absolutely nothing wrong in 'demanding' sex from your wife if that is your culture. However, if she refuses and you then force her to, then even in those cultures it is regarded as rape.
However, the wife would also be spoken to by her parents and the 'holy' people about her marital obligations.

In our western culture rape is rape, whether you are married to the person or not. Rightly.
In many western countries our law states 'innocent until proven guilty'.....however in rape cases the man is perceived as being guilty until proven innocent.
A woman makes an allegation of rape, the 'offender' is arrested. She gets anonimity, he doesn't. He is a rapist. 
It gets to court and it is proved (CCTV etc) that she was a willing partner....but felt guilty in the morning because she was married etc so cried rape. He is acquitted, his name and reputation tarnished.

However, when you marry you say 'yes' to the whole package...including a mutually satisfying sex live.
'With my body I the honour'...means, basically, 'you are the only person with whom I will share my body'....not 'I will only share my body with you when *I* want to'.

Rape is wrong, no question. However, I do feel that you sometimes have to look at the wider picture.....not to make it less important or a lessor offence but just to perhaps understand why it happened....as sometimes the male isn't always 100% to blame.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

That's a reasonable view to take, and very well explained. From what I hear some of the others say, divorce or just-waiting-for-sex-to-happen is preferable to asserting oneself and making it clear that sex is an integral part of a marriage.

I think the term marital rape is misplaced in this context. If expectation is taken as coercision, then what about peer pressure, societal influences, media-shaped attitudes? All forms of sex could be equated to rape in one way or the other.



Young at Heart said:


> My 2 cents. There is a huge difference between stating your expectations for what a happy marriage entails and marrital rape.
> 
> I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt, when you say, "expect a certain minimum amount of sex (once a week, or once in two weeks), and you're going to expect it whether you partner is ready for it or not?" By that I mean I assume you wanted to say to her, "Honey, I need to have sex with you once a week, if I am to feel bonded and close to you and that sometime during the week, unless there is something exceptional going on in your life, I expect you will find time to schedule a night of sex with me."
> 
> ...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

brownmale said:


> That's a reasonable view to take, and very well explained. From what I hear some of the others say, divorce or just-waiting-for-sex-to-happen is preferable to *asserting oneself and making it clear that sex is an integral part of a marriage*.
> 
> I think the term marital rape is misplaced in this context. If expectation is taken as coercision, then what about peer pressure, societal influences, media-shaped attitudes? All forms of sex could be equated to rape in one way or the other.


That is completely different than what you've said you sometimes do which is "ordering her to the bedroom to take her cloths off." 

EWWW! 

And no, not all forms of sex can be equated to rape.

I'm really beginning to understand why your wife is no longer interested in you.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening 
The way I see it, you have the right to ask your spouse for sex, and to divorce them if they regularly turn you down. You do not have the right to force them. 

The only way I see this being culturally dependent is that if divorce is not allowed, then I would have no objections to cheating if your partner denies you sex.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> The only way I see this being culturally dependent is that if divorce is not allowed, then I would have no objections to cheating if your partner denies you sex.


What I see as being culture-dependent here is:

* How acceptable divorce is in your society.
* How much of a 'solution' divorce is viewed, for marital problems.
* The marital-rights versus marital-rape assumptions of your culture.
* How acceptable or otherwise sex-outside-of-marriage is in your culture.
* Whether polygamy and polyandry is part of your culture.
* Whether serial polygamy/polyandry are acceptable (i.e. remarriage)
* Burden placed on the male/female due to divorce in your culture...

And more...


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

In a manner of speaking... just as a man expected to support his children and wife (if dependent) is like staging a bank-robbery when he comes home with the paycheck...



SecondTime'Round said:


> That is completely different than what you've said you sometimes do which is "ordering her to the bedroom to take her cloths off."


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> I see absolutely nothing wrong in 'demanding' sex from your wife if that is your culture. However, if she refuses and you then force her to, then even in those cultures it is regarded as rape.
> However, the wife would also be spoken to by her parents and the 'holy' people about her marital obligations.
> 
> However, when you marry you say 'yes' to the whole package...including a mutually satisfying sex live.
> 'With my body I the honour'...means, basically, 'you are the only person with whom I will share my body'....not 'I will only share my body with you when *I* want to'.


What's wrong with it is that you're ensuring a very unhealthy, unsatisfying marital sex life for both you and your spouse by turning sex into a chore and an obligation.

If your goal is to ensure that your wife hates sex with you and is never sexually satisfied, your post seems like a good way to go. 

To me, marital sex shouldn't just be an obligation...it should be a mutually enjoyable experience. There's really something wrong with a partner being ok with making sex an obligatory chore for the other person. Its so incredibly cold.

Marital sex is worthless unless its enjoyable and leads to pair bonding with the couple. If she's laying there on her back with her eyes clenched closed just begging for it to be over...that's pathetic and anyone who would want that has something wrong with them in my opinion.

By the way, having my parents talk to me about my marital sexual obligations sounds like a horrific experience.

Thank goodness I live in North America where women have the reasonable expectation to actually *like* to have sex with their partners.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

There are some assumptions being made here, which I'd like to point out to:

* It's not me who's forcing the "unhealthy, unsatisfying marital sex life on both". We had great sex for the first few years of marriage, and till the kids came along. I don't blame my wife for anything other than not caring enough to find out how I feel about being continually denied of sex, But being LD she would probably not even understand how it feels.

* She's not lying on her back, her eyes clenched closed and begging for it to be over. On the contrary, she's bent before me for a doggie style (which she found more recently gives her more stimulation). If she's not in a hurry (because of The Kids or whatever), I'd do my best to stimulate her, and try my best to ensure she has an orgasm. Half-way through sex she would often begin enjoying it. The problem is just that she will never initiate sex or think of it on her own! So do I wait, like some on this forum, for seven or 20 years before I have sex, let her too get very frustrated, and then divorce?

* Your parents' talk on marital sexual obligations might sound anachronistic and bizarre. But beyond all the talk of feminism and equality, it's clear that they understood issues clearly. Primarily that men and women may have differing sexual urges; equality may be great in other places, but some one has to give in the bedroom at least if sex as we know it is to continue on our planet!



EnigmaGirl said:


> What's wrong with it is that you're ensuring a very unhealthy, unsatisfying marital sex life for both you and your spouse by turning sex into a chore and an obligation.
> 
> If your goal is to ensure that your wife hates sex with you and is never sexually satisfied, your post seems like a good way to go.
> 
> ...


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Whatever the culture may say about marital rape, it is something I consider unacceptable in any culture. My acceptance of different cultures has limits.

Otherwise I agree about the other cultural variations you list. 




brownmale said:


> What I see as being culture-dependent here is:
> 
> * How acceptable divorce is in your society.
> * How much of a 'solution' divorce is viewed, for marital problems.
> ...


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> * It's not me who's forcing the "unhealthy, unsatisfying marital sex life on both". We had great sex for the first few years of marriage, and till the kids came along. I don't blame my wife for anything other than not caring enough to find out how I feel about being continually denied of sex, But being LD she would probably not even understand how it feels.


Your original question was "is it ok to demand sex" and my comments remain the same.

If you demand sex, you're setting yourself up for a situation where sex is a chore. I'd imagine that for some people, it would really hard to enjoy sex under those conditions. So short-term, you might get your needs fulfilled if she complies but long-term I see her eventually shutting down and refusing to do it. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate it once.



> Primarily that men and women may have differing sexual urges; equality may be great in other places, but some one has to give in the bedroom at least if sex as we know it is to continue on our planet!


So you're suggesting that there's no other way to negotiate sexual discrepancies other than to coerce or demand sex from the other partner or having her parents do it for you?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

brownmale said:


> There are some assumptions being made here, which I'd like to point out to:
> 
> * *It's not me who's forcing the "unhealthy, unsatisfying marital sex life on both". *We had great sex for the first few years of marriage, and till the kids came along. I don't *blame my wife for anything other than not caring enough* to find out how I feel about being continually denied of sex, But being LD she would *probably not even understand *how it feels.
> 
> ...


I think you should look at what you said and do some serious introspection about yourself and your attitudes.

First, you feel your wife doesn't care about you. She probably knows how you feel and she probably feels the same about you.

One of the reasons my wife didn't want to have sex with me, was because she was angry at me. Very, very angry. 

My W felt that I had abandoned her to raise the children. I felt she had pushed me away and I sublimated by being the "good provider" so a cleaner could come in once a week and we could afford day care for the kids while she got some free time and rest, and so that our kids could get tutoring in school. We each knew that we were both unhappy with our partner. She just let it fester into not wanting to have sex with me.

You may want to think about the Dance you did with your wife after your children were born and how you may be part of your own problem. Your wife may not be LD at all, she may just not want to have sex with you for reasons she could clearly explain if you could hear them.

It is fairly typical for some (not all) LD women to need to get "warmed" up before their libido kicks in. In MW Davis books she advises women on the NIKE approach, which is Just Do it. I actually heard my wife once say, don't touch me there like that, as I will want to have sex with you and I don't want to have sex with you. You need to do some introspection that how your wife gets sexually arroused and in the mood for sex maybe something you have not paid proper attension to as a lover and may be a big part of the sexual problem you have partially created.

Now, the final comment on "someone has to give in the bedroom." Well that kind of attitude is what I would expect to hear from a "user." Marriage is about building a mutual beneficial relationship. Expecting your partner to always give, is not good. You don't say she always has to give, but you should do some interospection on you attitudes toward your wife and the mother of your children. You should ask yourself if you are cherishing her, making her feel loved, making her feel safe, so that she can timidly explore and reach out to you sexually? 

I would wager that in healing your marriage, you probably need to fix yourself first. Recognize what you did wrong in your marriage. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, then improve yourself and show her you have changed and now will cherish and make her feel loved and safe. After you do that and have given her unconditional love for several months without asking or demanding anything in exchange, then you can try to open a serious dialog with her on what the two of you visualize as a good marriage.

The reason I would make that wager, is that is what I had to do in order to win back the woman I married. I was shocked to learn how much she both loved me and showed me she loved me every day in her love languages (Chapman's 5 LL) and how angry she was at me. The two can conicide for years side by side.

Good luck.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Wow! Brownmale. 

Your wife doesn't want sex because sex lead to children. It works just like that in all cultures! After the children are about five years old she will want sex again! Most cultures today the men demand sex before she is ready. Her not wanting sex after about five years is different problem.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Melvynman said:


> Wow! Brownmale.
> 
> Your wife doesn't want sex because sex lead to children. It works just like that in all cultures! After the children are about five years old she will want sex again! Most cultures today the men demand sex before she is ready. Her not wanting sex after about five years is different problem.


We're on contraception.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

EnigmaGirl said:


> If you demand sex, you're setting yourself up for a situation where sex is a chore. I'd imagine that for some people, it would really hard to enjoy sex under those conditions. So short-term, you might get your needs fulfilled if she complies but long-term I see her eventually shutting down and refusing to do it. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate it once.


But sex WAS a chore -- to me -- when she was the HD partner in the early stage of our relationship. I never once said no, and never complained. Just jumped into bed at her suggestion... and grew to enjoying it over time.



EnigmaGirl said:


> So you're suggesting that there's no other way to negotiate sexual discrepancies other than to coerce or demand sex from the other partner or having her parents do it for you?


"Coerce" is a loaded word. What I'm suggesting is that for a deal where two persons are involved (and only two fixed persons, we cannot suddenly switch partners in a marriage), then, at any given point of time, one is going to want it more than the other.

What does one do in such a situation? Wait indefinitely?

Some on this forum have waited seven years to have sex, and I feel their pain. I'd rather go the way of asking, seeking, making my preferences clear... rather than waiting for Godot!


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