# Emotional Wall



## Gin74 (Oct 21, 2008)

Hi, I am pretty new here and I appreciate all the advice and stories that people are sharing. I am not sure if I am putting this in the correct forum but I think I have a general question. I think of myself as a pretty emotional person and sensitive and my husband is probably what I consider to be at the extreme other side. My question is it possible for someone to be happy and not talk about situations that require you to open up? I hope that makes sense. Can a person be in a happy marriage ever if they have never opened up and just kept to themselves about emotions and feelings?


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Gin74 said:


> My question is it possible for someone to be happy and not talk about situations that require you to open up? Can a person be in a happy marriage ever if they have never opened up and just kept to themselves about emotions and feelings?


Well, obviously something was working for you guys b/c you got married. If he's always been, in your opinion, closed off, then how'd you fall in love in the first place? 

If he's only recently shut off, then he's upset about something. 

My H has never been one to talk. And for a long i time i thought talking was the only way to connect with him. So i pushed it, which only pushed him away more. but there are a lot of ways to communicate. I do not talk to my H that much anymore. 

Some talking is important and my H is working on that. But he has to feel 'safe' about talking to me first. He has to already feel connected to me to want to talk. He feels connected through touch. 

Maybe you need to find out how your H likes to communicate. It might not be what you expect, so try to be open to different ways of communicating, but ask him how he feels connected to you.


----------



## martino (May 12, 2008)

Gin74, 

This can be a struggle for me too, being the guy in the relationship it feels even more weird. I mean I am suppose to be the one who can't communicate in words but apparently this isn't always the case. My wife keeps a lot to herself and avoids deep conversation as I think it makes her uncomfortable. I used to think it was only with me but after snooping in her email I saw that even with her best friend she aviods deep conversation. It's just something I've had to accept. I've even had to learn to keep a part of myself from her to feel like things are in balance and i'm not the only one that is emotionally giving myself away. We are happy in every other way and no trouble in the marriage, i've just had to accept that she keeps a lot locked up inside. I hope my post helped a little.


----------



## Gin74 (Oct 21, 2008)

Thank you both for your words. I really appreciate any feedback on this subject. I agree with finding a different way to communicate and I think as far as connecting with me physically is easier for him than the way I communicate. I am very open to making him feel comfortable and in no way expect him to be at the level that I am because that just wouldn't work. He is a sensitive person, but not in the sense that I am. I think that I might have expected him to do that for me because he is my husband after all, but realize that if I do push it, I will just end up pushing him away. You are so correct. He has to feel safe and comfortable about it. Thank you for your words.

Martino, I can relate to you in that I feel as if I would have to keep some things to myself and I have to accept that he does keep things locked up. I guess that the idea of being able to open up with your significant other was expected and I am starting to realize that just because he doesn't, doesn't me that I need to take it personally. I have a wonderful support group in my family and close friends and they can relate as well, so maybe just relying on them is what I need to do. I shouldn't expect him to have his wall completely down because I am his wife and he is my husband. I have a lot to learn as far as marriage goes and everyone here has been able to help clear some of that up so I thank you for your feedback and advice.


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Gin74 said:


> Hi, I am pretty new here and I appreciate all the advice and stories that people are sharing. I am not sure if I am putting this in the correct forum but I think I have a general question. I think of myself as a pretty emotional person and sensitive and my husband is probably what I consider to be at the extreme other side. My question is it possible for someone to be happy and not talk about situations that require you to open up? I hope that makes sense. Can a person be in a happy marriage ever if they have never opened up and just kept to themselves about emotions and feelings?


To put it bluntly, no! If a couple does not communicate you will eventually run in to some unsurmountable issues. Now he doesn't have to be emotional like you but he has to open up and talk, he can't keep his emotions to himself. If I'm reading your post right you may be over emotional and over sensisitive which may make him unwilling to share his thoughts and feelings afraid of upsetting you. So I would suggest working on that, controlling your emotions and feelings. Slow your reactions down, think about things before talking about them. Once you can adjust that somewhat, talk to him. Tell him that you don't expect him to be like you but it is important for him to tell you how he feels and communicate with you. 

Communicating is generally more difficult for men than women but some men have really mastered this skill. My husband sounds like yours and it was nearly the end of our marriage. Committed to saving it, he realized he had to communicate. Counseling helped us but ours was a very severe situation. I have hope if he can master good communication skills than your husband can too. Funny thing is once he did start opening up, he became a happier person. 

I was the emotional one and I've learned to curb that a bit, so we are still who we are but we now have a better set of skills and a much happier marriage.


----------



## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

All of you sound like you are married to my husband.  He too is not an emotional person and does not like talking about his feelings or difficult topics (money, etc.). He also is not an affectionate person, so I have nothing to hold on to to make me feel that he loves me. So because of these missing elements, I sometimes feel unloved and wonder if he really loves me, or is he with me because he feels obligated because we have 2 kids. Don't get me wrong, things are fine, but in a roommate kind of way. We talk, but it is not deep or intimate. It is mostly about his day and how the kids are doing. Once in a while, he will ask me about how my day is going, but most of the time it is about the kids and him.


----------



## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

Personally, I believe there is no relationship if there is no communication. Me and my husband used to talk openly about everything and things were great. I could talk to him about anything like with no other person before and I think that's what made me fall for him in the first place but now....Well, things have changed. We don't say much. And because of that I don't feel close to him anymore and that made me wanna push him away even farther. I guess that's how it is.


----------

