# He Wants to Get Back Together - Really?



## struggle (May 13, 2013)

I have my doubts......

1. The question of, 'what are we doing, are we getting D or are we going to try and work this out' came from ME. His answer being, 'yes, that's what I've wanted to do but didn't know how' surprised me. I always thought that if a man really wanted to get back with you he would tell you, ask what he needed to do to make it work, and tell you how much he misses you, etc etc. But I guess this isn't the movies

2. He started right out the gate with his manipulative tactics a couple days later. He needed something from my apartment and didn't want me to tell him not to stop by, so he lied about being 'close' and had me waiting for him for 30 minutes. I called him out on it, and I got the usual dubious look from him because he doesn't understand why I'm irritated over it. I told him it wasn't right, and he said we'd talk about it later. (uh huh.....)

3. The very NEXT DAY, I asked him to come over and watch a movie with me. I bought popcorn and even made a quick chili so we could eat. I told him 8:30. I actually, for once, was late myself because I got caught up talking to my trainer at the gym after class. I kept checking my phone to see if he'd text an 'I'm on my way' message. Nothing. I called him when I left around 9 and he said, 'Oh I'm still at the gym.' What could I say? I was late myself. It would've been nice if he was waiting for me but....ok.... I asked if he was leaving the gym now, he told me 15 minutes. I get home, and eat by myself. 10:30 rolls around and I finally call him. "I'm a Kroger." WTF are you doing at Kroger? "This guy sold me food stamps. So I just bought a bunch of food." ................. I'm so confused. You had to go now? "Yeah, I didn't want to risk waiting, what if they're not valid tomorrow or something like that." ........................................ 
I'm going to bed, don't bother coming over. "I'm sorry baby...damn.....we'll talk tomorrow ok?"

4. Next day. A big friendly good morning text. And some other random friendly texts here and there. I didn't know whether to be mad, or indifferent, or what. It didn't hurt as deep as it used to. I thought about it all day. Finally after work I decided to test him. I text him that he has to make it up to me. For the past two really crappy days. I'm expecting something amazing. I reiterating amazing. An entire day. Of amazing-ness. Let's see what he does. He lol'd and smiley faced and said he would. I left it at that. I'm not sure about the time frame for this though, he never said. So I'm going to let it be for now. I asked him if I was going to watch the movie by myself tonight, or if he wanted to hang out. He gave me one of his non-answers he's so famous for. And I did end up watching the movie by myself.

5. Next day (today). Not a word. No text message. No phone call. Nothing. I really didn't pay too much attention until after work and the gym. I got home and really realized it. I waited until about 10 p.m. and then called him...no answer. W...t.....f
I don't understand this game.

Pretty lonely night. This sucks. Not feeling so great about myself at the moment. I don't know whether to be pissed, to cry, to go to bed, to go the gym..... I'm just useless right now. 

I don't think it should feel this way. My man should be crazy about me, to WANT to be with me. I think he has absolutely NO idea how to emotionally support another human being. He has no clue how to put someone else before himself and his needs. I don't understand how guys I'm meeting in my everyday life seem interested in me, to find me attractive and to WANT to take me out, and I cannot even get my H to make me feel wanted in almost any way. And I have really no freaking clue what happened today and tonight, it's actually pretty weird that he just disappeared. I can only imagine that he went out tonight....I guess? I mean...it didn't even take him a week from that conversation to show me that he hasn't changed sh*t.

Oh...but he's ok with the fact that I'm not a housewife that caters to him. He doesn't care about that anymore....
For those that don't already know that was one of his key points as to why we needed to separate.


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## myfutureisgone (Mar 4, 2014)

Wow, that is messed up and confusing. It doesn't seem like he knows what he wants. I would not invest much into the idea myself. It might be healthier to just move on and focus on yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Thanks, that's what I've been doing up to this point. I was doing really well.

I can't believe that he says that he wants to work it out, but it's like we're still separated. What a d*ck

I'm just stunned...I don't understand the situation at all


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

How old are you Struggle? Do you have children?


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## parker (Dec 2, 2012)

I don't think he wants it bad enough.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Just spoke with him on the phone...

myfuture's word of 'indecisive' was spot-on...along with parker's phrase...he doesn't want it bad enough

Our conversation was long...with mostly me talking. To get right down to it...
He's thought about the things he and I spoke about Sunday. I told him some things I wanted to make sure we were on the same page on. He seemed fine that day. But, he thought about the stuff I said the 'other night' and found my "list" overwhelming. He wants this to be natural, not a bunch of responsibilities and then if he doesn't do these things I can come back at him.

I knew he talking out his *ss, because he has a terrible memory. I asked him what on my "list" was so overwhelming. He didn't want to name anything. After pushing him he finally started a couple sentences with parts of them and said...I don't know. He says - It's just weird. I don't feel the passion...I want it to be natural and passionate.

And round we go with our conversation. What is passion...what is marriage...what brings passion to a marriage.....why we got to where we are now.......

Is it just me, or does it sound like I'm just not worth it? I'm not worth the trouble...

Pictureless, I'm 30. We have no children. X has 1 that lives with the mother.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> Pictureless, I'm 30. We have no children. X has 1 that lives with the mother.


Do you have any kids?


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

No kids...no pets....just me


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> No kids...no pets....just me


Why in the world are you putting up with all this? You're young and have no children.


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## myfutureisgone (Mar 4, 2014)

I feel for you. I don't know that I would be strong enough to resist the temptation to try to reclaim my marriage if my stbx was saying this crap. And it sounds very like him. Especially the bit about the list. He would have looked at a list and said "ugh, a whole list... you should just be grateful and come back" ok not those words, but that is the attitude. 
I am actually kind of grateful for the OW, she is giving me time to get strong without the possibility that he would come back. 
You are a unicorn, only 30 and no kids. If he doesn't appreciate that, he doesn't deserve you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

You and I are on the same page future! They say stuff like that without really saying it...it's crazy how they do it. It was tempting to make it work but his reaction to the things I thought we should clarify before we even attempt were really not a big deal. So manipulative ....manipulators don't like it when they have to work at manipulating their victim. They would rather just move on. 

I'm reading a book called Who's pulling Your Strings on recommendation of a TAM member.....at least half of it related a to me and my X so I'm convinced....I think it also helped me deal with this recent little issue. I didn't let him into my heart , I set boundaries right away (which he didn't like, obviously), and I didn't let him confuse me with his words. I called him out on every single thing. The problem is that I think I have every right to tell him to go take a hike, but I haven't yet. Although our convo last night, telling me he wasn't "passionate" about me, yet still texting me at 4:30 for a booty call....is pretty much just someone living off the cuff of their current emotions, not caring who is trampled on the way. Even though I did cry a little after that conversation, it didn't pain my heart...you know the feeling......it was more sadness

The OW does make the decision easier! With my 1st XH I knew it was over because I found out he had been cheating and was with OW. It was scarier because it was my 1st D, but knowing he wanted to be with OW was my giant shove. Actually I was just talking with an old friend who knows my 1stXH and he told me that: 1. He is still a d*ck 2. The OW reminds him of Austin Powers... I about fell on the floor laughing with that hahahahaha 

I'm a unicorn!! If I was to be something....I guess that's one of the best things to be >.< Ty for that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

You see...this is the kind of crap that's confusing to me. 

I made a resolution with myself to only talk to X via text about our money stuff, and stop putting expectations on anything. I need to move on and be happy. Obviously when I want to reconcile...it's "too much" and when I leave him alone....it's my fault because I never call him. So I just can't win. That was my thought process today.

So when X called and said he had the money for a payment, I was happy to hear..two weeks late but hey.... He asked if he could drop it off with his mom at work near him (she lives pretty close to me), so I could also get some of my mail from her. I almost said no just deposit it, but then I thought I might as well make the trip for mail. He told me she would be home by 8:30-9:00 pm. After the gym I stopped home to eat and then drove to her house at 9:40, just to be sure she would be home. No one was there. I text X and said so, he found out she hadn't left work yet, and I was just frustrated. I took a few mins to text back. It's not his fault, but I knew I should've trusted my gut and made things simpler and just had him deposit it. Now I'm going to be running around for this money I've already waited 2 weeks for.

I told him, well that will teach me...she can just leave it with your gma and I will try to find a way to swing by tomorrow.
After I got no answer back I figured he got irritated and was now ignoring me so I just went to bed, at 10:30

Mid-sleep I wake up to a banging on my front door. I jump up, check my phone, it's 12:20 and see 5 missed calls from X. I stumbled to the door and there he is. He walks in, hands me an envelope and says he brought me the money.
What?
You had attitude so I decided to bring it to you. 
I can't comprehend what's happening I'm still asleep, I probably have the most confused look on my face. He asked for a pillow back that I guess he had brought, and went and grabbed it. Came back.
So what's going on? He asks
I'm just looking at him....is he really here right now? Not one word comes to me, and his vibe this whole time is floating between reserved and affectionate.
He says, well your not talking so.... And heads for the door 
The old me would've wanted him to stay, to feel panic when he heads for the door. I didn't stop him, nor did I feel panic. I wasn't thinking clearly for sure, but I'm sure not going going to try and control the situation. 
He opens the door and stops and looks at me and asks what time I went to sleep. And comments how I'm "still sleeping"
I rub my eyes, "I'm confused"
Why?
I try to get you here all last week for nice things..dinner... A movie night...and I can't get you to show up. But you sense some attitude in a text message and you're here?
He didn't answer. "Call me tomorrow" and makes kissing noises and leaves.
I'm going back to bed. Hopefully someone here has some theories because I don't get it.
My adrenaline is still up from jumping out of bed like that..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## parker (Dec 2, 2012)

Hmmm. That's interesting,,,I don't know how to interpret his actions but maybe he senses you pulling away and maybe he is STILL trying to control the situation. I don't know.

I think that you are doing the right thing by limiting contact with him and keeping communication "business only". He can't handle that because he wants you to run up behind him. That's my take on it, so I'm anxious to see what feedback the others have to offer.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Struggle,

I forget and your earlier post is unclear to me. Is there another woman?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

myfutureisgone said:


> You are a unicorn, only 30 and no kids. If he doesn't appreciate that, he doesn't deserve you.


Ha! Love this!


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## parker (Dec 2, 2012)

Those of you with kids, who are not 30 yrs old, should be appreciated too


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

struggle said:


> The old me would've wanted him to stay, to feel panic when he heads for the door. I didn't stop him, nor did I feel panic. I wasn't thinking clearly for sure, but I'm sure not going going to try and control the situation.


I can so relate to that. There comes a point where you realize you are tired of standing in the doorway. 

I don't know the backstory with your husband: how long together, what went down, why you separated but from what I am reading ti sounds like he is very lackluster in his attempts to reconcile this marriage, is saying that your "lists" are too long for restoring the marriage, and seems to e giving a half-assed effort. Now, you also sound like your heart isn't in it. Everything you have written is countering any eventuality of wanting to get back with this guy. It's almost like you know, internally, that things are not going to change. That the damage is done; that you deserve more and want more. That it's not working for you anymore.

Marriage is a two-way street. Both have to want it. Both have to be fully committed to it. So do you both want it? If you both do,t hen you are going to have to dig your heels in and work at it together, try counselling, talk, communicate, be really and truly honest with eachother. There is a lot of pain in restoration. There is goodness too.

Is that what you want? What is it that YOU want, Struggle?

Love the unicorn comment. I think the poster saying that was saying how it may be uncommon for a woman at thirty to not have kids from a current marriage which makes you rare like a unicorn. Is that right? I was 30 when I divorced, no kids. A lot of people told me the same: you are young, you can start over lickety-split. It's just a different circumstance, versus someone with children and perhaps older. Not better, or worse, just different.

You're thirty now. Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life? What is it that you want?


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Struggle,
> 
> I forget and your earlier post is unclear to me. Is there another woman?


No OW. Nor was it the reason for our separation.
I cannot say now whether or not he's possibly going around, we've been living completely separate since Oct, so I'm not with him. We agreed we wouldn't date or anything until we decided the fate of our relationship and filed. 
I really don't see him being the type to put in the effort of woo-ing another woman at this point. I could be wrong, but I'm not getting that OW vibe. 
My 1st XH was a cheater and that's why we got divorced. He had OW written all over him by the time he finally confessed


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> No OW. Nor was it the reason for our separation.
> I cannot say now whether or not he's possibly going around, we've been living completely separate since Oct, so I'm not with him. We agreed we wouldn't date or anything until we decided the fate of our relationship and filed.
> I really don't see him being the type to put in the effort of woo-ing another woman at this point. I could be wrong, but I'm not getting that OW vibe.
> My 1st XH was a cheater and that's why we got divorced. He had OW written all over him by the time he finally confessed


Thanks for the clarification. 

Hmmm.....from what I read you two don't communicate well. There's a lack of respect to.

For example, him not showing up for dinner, meeting for the money, being late, the gym, him showing up while you're sleeping etc. Was it always like this? And you too. He might be just a janitor. Who cares if you love him and he loves you. Men know when women don't respect them.

I admit I'm the forgetful type. ..to a degree. The ex had a tendency to communicate extraneous information at the wrong time. Instead of just calling to say be there at 8 pm, she would tell me about her day, be there at 8, tomorrow be there at 4, oh what are we going to do about xyz?...meanwhile I'm trying to drive

You can both work on this. But I'd worry about your boundaries first. 

For whatever reason, the money/mail exchange didn't work out. Now you were home sound asleep and he's banging on the door. That's a No Go.

Start slow. Get your mail forwarded to your new address through the post office (I'm assuming you've moved) so you don't have to rely on him to get it. It also eliminates another reason for him to contact you.

Send him a brief text saying something like, I do not want you dropping by my place uninvited whenever you feel like it. Don't do it again. I am not discussing this further. I hope all is well.

Like Juicy said, what do you want now? Why are you two separated and living apart?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Pictureless said:


> Like *Juicy* said, what do you want now? Why are you two separated and living apart?


I am kind of juicy 

Struggle--the most important thing is truly that - WHAT do you want?


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I can so relate to that. There comes a point where you realize you are tired of standing in the doorway.
> 
> I don't know the backstory with your husband: how long together, what went down, why you separated but from what I am reading ti sounds like he is very lackluster in his attempts to reconcile this marriage, is saying that your "lists" are too long for restoring the marriage, and seems to e giving a half-assed effort. Now, you also sound like your heart isn't in it. Everything you have written is countering any eventuality of wanting to get back with this guy. It's almost like you know, internally, that things are not going to change. That the damage is done; that you deserve more and want more. That it's not working for you anymore.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your input jellybeans. My backstory is a bunch of different threads, I haven't been maintaining one so I'm hard to keep up with 

We were together for 4 years. He is 5 years older than me. He is latino (grew up in home country until he was 14), and I am midwestern white girl. Married in just under a year of dating. Things were great in the beginning. We both wanted to travel and enjoy life (both coming out of bad relationships - in hindsight probably rebounds who didn't let go). I was laid off, so I was in the process of job hunting, deciding if I should go back to school, etc. Ironically he also was laid off about 6 months into us dating, so he was going through the same thing. Despite our career worries, things were relaxed and fun between us, we both cooked/cleaned/took little road trips and so on.

A year and a half into the marriage things started to change. I started working for the company again that had laid me off about 10 days after we got married. So I was working, but he was still on unemployment as he was doing self-study so he could start a business. I supported him 100%. We poured most of our money into the equipment needed, I paid the bills, he was able to cover his child support and his gas and spending money with his check. I was a partner in his business, I was studying with him when I could, I was encouraging him to go for it, and I basically came home from work and worked some more. I really wanted this to happen..for him and for us.

The time came for him to man-up, we needed to move into a bigger apartment for workspace, and now I would be spending more of my check on rent. 

Before we moved I told him (with witnesses)....you know my dream is to travel and enjoy this life while I can...but I know you really want this business to work...and if it does work I don't see why we can't have both. I leave it up to you, do you want to stay in a smaller place, and just leave the business as a side-income and travel, or do you want to spend our money on this place so we can grow this business? He chose the business. He did get a part-time job to help supplement until the business was more lucrative, and I put it upon myself to pay all the bills.

In short, he ended up slacking. I was going to work everyday, and he was staying up late on the computer to wake up at noon everyday. He wouldn't get any work done. He would get 'distracted' on the internet. He refused to do anything with communication, because of his accent. So I was the one taking phone calls and responding to emails. I would come home and do most of the work for the business so it would get done (I designed the biz cards, did social media, the ordering, a bulk of the work, etc). I would come home to the house dirtier than when I left it. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I came home to dinner on the stove. I was getting frustrated, and resentful. I tried to ask him to do things (like why aren't you out there marketing and giving out cards)...and he's ask 'why don't you??! your english is better than mine'. I tried to make him a schedule for the day so he could get more done, he never looked at it. And it would REALLY piss me off when he would critize the work I WAS doing. I tried leaving him alone, being nice, begging, negotiating, yelling, crying.....and nothing worked. And I let it go on too long. I obviously had no boundries, and no consequences for him (as I see now). I was tired all the time, I got up at 7 a.m. to go to work, come home at 5:30, and work until midnight or 2 a.m. sometimes. Some days I would be at work so mad I couldn't stand it, and some days I was just resigned to the situation. 

We hit a new low. I didn't want to have sex anymore. He was saying I was mean, and I had changed. He was threatening to leave me everytime I reacted to anything in anger or insecurity, and his threat would scared me (my co-dependency). He was tired all the time because he couldn't sleep at night (he had always had trouble sleeping), his back was hurting him, and then he was diagnosed with prostatitis. He blamed me for it because we don't have enough sex. He had seen quite a few doctors to help with these issues, and he was under my insurance. I was paying the medical bills. I started gaining weight. Money was tight, and it was deep forest of negative emotions on both sides. I knew I shouldn't put up with this, he needs to go get a full-time job because he obviously can't run this business, but I didn't know how to get out of it...short of breaking up....which my co-dependency wouldn't allow me to do. So I would get mad, stand up for myself, then back down when he got mad back.

The next year brought on whole new deboccles. I told him I was quitting the business, no more help from me. He then started demanding that I cook more, clean more...because what else was I going to do with all my free time? I rebelled, and I told him the same thing I did BEFORE the business...whatever the h*ll I want. He would scoff at my unreasonable-ness. I usually felt bad after standing up for myself. 

He never asked to help pay for anything, even when I had breakdowns about money and stress. I started to feel like I couldn't do anything good enough, cook, clean...even speaking to each other turned into a challenge. I would iron his clothes for him (something I had never done before), and in arguments when I was attempting to stand up for myself and tell him things I WAS trying to do for him he would blow it off like...so?? You're supposed to do that. 

He started having blow-ups about the lack of sex. Telling me I needed to go see a doctor or something, because it's not normal. He demanded I go see a sex therapist, he came to the appointment late, hoo-hawed through it, then got mad at me because I didn't have sex with him that night. I should be "worried" if my H is making me go see a therapist, and be all over him. He didn't want to participate in the therapy anymore after that. 

It just kept going downhill from there until we decided enough was enough. I had completely shut down emotionally, and stopped doing anything except the necessities to get through day-to-day life. He told me I don't cook for him, we're not having sex, I have a bad attitude, I've changed, and he can't take it anymore. Let's separate. I said ok...because I knew he was right, I just didn't have the guts to say it.

He was very confused how fast I went out and found my own apartment. Started telling me I seemed to be "excited" to move on my own (guilt tripping). I just kept moving forward, I wasn't going to end up homeless. 

So why do I even want to reconcile? Good question, after having to relive all this again with this post


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I am kind of juicy
> 
> Struggle--the most important thing is truly that - WHAT do you want?


Oops. See, I am forgetful!


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I am kind of juicy


:lol::rofl:


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> Thanks for your input jellybeans. My backstory is a bunch of different threads, I haven't been maintaining one so I'm hard to keep up with
> 
> We were together for 4 years. He is 5 years older than me. He is latino (grew up in home country until he was 14), and I am midwestern white girl. Married in just under a year of dating. Things were great in the beginning. We both wanted to travel and enjoy life (both coming out of bad relationships - in hindsight probably rebounds who didn't let go). I was laid off, so I was in the process of job hunting, deciding if I should go back to school, etc. Ironically he also was laid off about 6 months into us dating, so he was going through the same thing. Despite our career worries, things were relaxed and fun between us, we both cooked/cleaned/took little road trips and so on.
> 
> ...


It doesn't read like you're into him anymore. You want a guy who has a steady job and likes to travel. He wants a wife and business partner though it seems like he's struggling to get things going. 

You can go all in with him and help him which is how it sounds like you two started out, or you can tell him your help and support had an expiration date which he's passed. 

Either way neither of you two are going to manipulate and game the other into changing the other person into the spouse you want them to be.

You either love each other as you are or you won't be happy.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Struggle--the most important thing is truly that - WHAT do you want?


I really don't think I want to reconcile. I don't want to feel bad about not wanting to reconcile. 
I want to stop feeling anxiety about controlling the money situation, and the trepidation of actually being by myself.
I want to eventually find a man that actually makes me feel good about myself, and the things I can offer ARE good enough for him. I feel like my X's were attracted to me physically, but once they got to know me after a couple years they didn't like me anymore. So now I feel like maybe I'm not a likable person. I want the truth about me.
I want to travel and meet new people, and laugh and learn. 
I want to grow in my career. 
I may even want a family...if I met the right person, although children are not on my prority list. 
I want to keep working on my health and fitness...for ME.

That's the "I wants" that came to my head right now


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> I really don't think want to reconcile. I don't want to feel bad about not wanting to reconcile.
> I want to stop feeling anxiety about controlling the money situation, and the trepidation of actually being by myself.
> I want to eventually find a man that actually makes me feel good about myself, and the things I can offer ARE good enough for him. I feel like my X's were attracted to me physically, but once they got to know me after a couple years they didn't like me anymore. So now I feel like maybe I'm not a likable person. I want the truth about me.
> I want to travel and meet new people, and laugh and learn.
> ...


If you're not doing anything wrong why are you feeling bad?


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> It doesn't read like you're into him anymore. You want a guy who has a steady job and likes to travel. He wants a wife and business partner though it seems like he's struggling to get things going.
> 
> You can go all in with him and help him which is how it sounds like you two started out, or you can tell him your help and support had an expiration date which he's passed.
> 
> ...


That's true...we cannot manipulate each other into what we want.

I don't know if it was necessarily a 'wife' and 'business partner' he wanted. Because he wasn't doing much with the business at all. He wanted to sit back and do the fun stuff while his wife took care of him, worked, paid the bills, and did the biz grunt work. Wouldn't it seem?

He's already given up on the business and wants to sell all the equipment now. So I don't think a biz partner is in his requirements for a wife anymore


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> If you're not doing anything wrong why are you feeling bad?


Because apparently I have issues  
I don't know what it's called to feel bad when you're not doing anything wrong.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Pictureless said:


> It doesn't read like you're into him anymore.


This is how all of her posts read to me, too.



struggle said:


> I really don't think I want to reconcile. I don't want to feel bad about not wanting to reconcile.


If you don't want to reconcile, then you need to tell him. As for feeling bad, don't, if that is the decision in which you think you'd both be happiest in.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> Because apparently I have issues
> I don't know what it's called to feel bad when you're not doing anything wrong.


I don't know if you have issues. You might have a conscience.

Be honest with him. It's the right thing to do for both of you.

If you're unsure, do nothing but think about it. The grass isn't always greener.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> This is how all of her posts read to me, too


Never mind that now, tell me how juicy you are. It's been a long break up and divorce!


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

Struggle, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. A lot of what you wrote sounds like my STBXH. 

I would say, if you are not sure of what you want, do nothing, and see what happens on its own.

"Que Sera, Sera"


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Pictureless said:


> Never mind that now, tell me how juicy you are. It's been a long break up and divorce!


I am pretty damn juicy, ya flirt! 

Hahahaha. 

Struggle... it is normal to have all of these conflicting feelings you are having. Truly. I am the one who left and I felt bad about that a lot sometimes. You just have to focus on WHY you are done.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Thank you for your input. Sometimes things said here can be hard for me to hear, but I do think about the advice I'm given. Sometimes it makes me think about things I hadn't thought about in the first place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I don't know if you have issues. You might have a conscience.
> 
> Be honest with him. It's the right thing to do for both of you.
> 
> If you're unsure, do nothing but think about it. The grass isn't always greener.


Please God let the grass be greener. I need this man to stick with just ONE little meet-up, and it's like pulling teeth. Ugh I hate it.

I'm glad Im starting IC on Wed, my brain is just on overload with all these mixed messages and frustration. I'm done trying
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> Please God let the grass be greener. I need this man to stick with just ONE little meet-up, and it's like pulling teeth. Ugh I hate it.
> 
> I'm glad Im starting IC on Wed, my brain is just on overload with all these mixed messages and frustration. I'm done trying
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm very curious about how you ended up with him in the first place.

Obviously in the beginning being with him made you happy but what made you think he was going to be a good husband for you?


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I'm very curious about how you ended up with him in the first place.
> 
> Obviously in the beginning being with him made you happy but what made you think he was going to be a good husband for you?


Wow, you're going to make me think back now!  It's probably important that I do, good point

He pursued, I was very much physically attracted to him. His body is amazing. We definitely had a lot of chemistry physically. I had never dated a latino, or someone that spoke another language, I found that very exciting too. I discovered him to be very giving. "What's mine is yours" type thing...right away. Very affectionate. 

I was a little concerned at first about his career, because I didn't know much about the field of HVAC/maintenance. He was telling me he wanted to go back to school and was looking into nursing or teaching. At this point I was 25, so I wasn't concerned about being with a guy who wanted to start his career over, someone with drive -awesome! The more I learned about his field though, it can be a great career, so I was completely supportive of him staying in it when he decided not to go back to school. It does require you to WORK though, which is not really his forte. Come to find out.

Loves his mom, had lots of sisters that he got along with, he could cook, and he wanted to travel. He really did make me feel loved. We both found each other very interesting and fun. And we were both clear that we were looking for a serious relationship, not interested in playing dating games.

I think that's why it took a few years for things to change. Life happened, and we didn't adjust well together from our initial state of being.....I guess? There were flags that I missed..not following through I things he said he would do, some machismo things that happened...but I surely wasn't expecting THIS end game

In terms of being a good husband........I thought he would be


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> Wow, you're going to make me think back now!  It's probably important that I do, good point
> 
> He pursued, I was very much physically attracted to him. His body is amazing. We definitely had a lot of chemistry physically. I had never dated a latino, or someone that spoke another language, I found that very exciting too. I discovered him to be very giving. "What's mine is yours" type thing...right away. Very affectionate.
> 
> ...


So you were attracted to him, he's fun, you have a lot in common, and he's family oriented. What's the problem?


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> So you were attracted to him, he's fun, you have a lot in common, and he's family oriented. What's the problem?


Are you serious? 
Are you being a troll or honestly trying to talk about my situation?
So the beginning of the relationship is how our entire relationship has been huh?
I'm sure everyone here could talk about how great the beginning of their relationship was, and who they thought their SO was, and then what it turned into. 
What's YOUR problem?


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> Are you serious?
> Are you being a troll or honestly trying to talk about my situation?
> So the beginning of the relationship is how our entire relationship has been huh?
> I'm sure everyone here could talk about how great the beginning of their relationship was, and who they thought their SO was, and then what it turned into.
> What's YOUR problem?


You sound angry.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> You sound angry.


 I'm not angry. I don't know you, why would I let a faceless person that is of no consequence to me make me angry? Again, what is your problem? Or even better...what is the point of your last statement? Are you trolling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

struggle said:


> I'm not angry. I don't know you, why would I let a faceless person that is of no consequence to me make me angry? Again, what is your problem? Or even better...what is the point of your last statement? Are you trolling?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I asked you a question and you replied within name calling and accusations. Is this how you behave towards people in person?


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

Guy sounds like a Wanker you're doing ok


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