# Urgent help



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Hi again. Pls give me advice urgently I’ve like 7 hours until I have to make the biggest decision of my life

things calmed down after the chaos of the previous 7 days (see other posts)

so today she agreed to help me find a place local to rent even a house share,
Bearing in mind she says she doesn’t want to try anymore and I know she is the woman for me.
we went in and she said, no way your living there. I saw it as a place to regroup and missed the problems and location as it was a chance to stay near her and get her back
Her old man FIL was really really sick last night and today she said she needed to get him some bits and visit a post office. I took her and whilst on route she kept looking on her phone for me. We found a nice house share (without viewing it properly later in the day I accepted it after we both filled out the forms to apply just from a video of the property and room) she said she would help to pay for it, I didn’t plead or beg but I asked her whilst driving can you give us and me afew months to move forwards and see how we’re getting on, she was like no, we’ve tried, we keep hurting each other etc (bad advice from her friends I think and so do many of mine 50/50 m/f)
We went back to her dads where we was both staying since we returned from Australia 2 months ago and has a cup of T and cuddles with my dog for about an hour
I placed my hand next to hers and fingers touched, i said look if I get this property I’ll take a 6 month lease out, will you give me and us 6 months to try again, date, have some fun instead of this stress we’ve had. She says she loves me and this is the hardest thing she has ever had to do, i love her yet she doesn’t believe I do totally.

she then agreed she would but itis between us to know only and of course like the puppet I am I said yeah

dropped her for a haircut and 4 hours later picked her up for my part time 2nd job and took her home.
i went to work and whilst there i checked my bank balance, I worked out i won’t be able to pay the nexts months rent when it’s due, my mum had just sent me £500 to help me pay for the 1st month. I started having a panic attack and thought if she doesn’t want me here anymore and her ***** friends are advising her negatively towards me, wouldn’t it be better if I just used the money my mum loaned me to hire a van and take all my belongings on Tuesday when our items return from Australia at the port and drive away and never look back. My mental health is suffering like I’ve never known, 1day I’m like yeah stay away from her and I see what’s she like the next I look at her and I know how much I love her and what she means to me.
I’m picking my wife up in 7 hours to view this room/house in the flesh. It looks lovely from the videos and pics we was sent
Should I waste the money I have on my hearts dream of winning her back when I’m doubting in my brain what she says but somehow I talk myself out of it

We was perfect and happy until she met my mate for only 4 hours and she visited him twice recently.

I’ve written this because I feel I should ask her simply this as she says she isn’t talking to him or even interested in him at all.
I know what I’m thinking as I type this, but why is she offering to help pay for me to stay? Guilt? She saw me cry today like she has never seen before, when i said not only am I gonna lose my wife I’m gonna lose my best friend also and she had tears in her eyes

I had mentioned the changes I would make to show her I meant I was serious and even selling the brand new Xbox x I have and deleted betting apps and other things, I’m trying everything I can

I think I’m being lied to still and she wants him

if that’s true I’ll be visiting him. I’ve 6/7 hours pls advise me

Do I try and prove things or head back to my mums and lose her and my dog? 
4 months ago we lived in Brisbane lovely house, AC, swimming pool now I’ve nothing all

Not forgetting we have both told each we love each other so much and she added this is the hardest thing she has ever had to do in her life


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you don't have the money for the next months rent, how will you afford to live if you hire a van, quit your job, and leave?


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> If you don't have the money for the next months rent, how will you afford to live if you hire a van, quit your job, and leave?


My old dear threw me 500 quid earlier to help out from my nana inheritance.

My wife just called me at 430am and she can’t sleep. Now i know she is truthfully considering things 

Friends are bad influences to others at times


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You seem to be on a seesaw, up and down about all this. 

If you leave, how will you support yourself?


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> You seem to be on a seesaw, up and down about all this.
> 
> If you leave, how will you support yourself?


If leave momma has a big house that I grew up in. My consent isn’t about that. We have to o both wanna play ball and repair things


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what do you want to do?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So you realize you’re wayyyyyyyy too irresponsible in multiple ways to advise correctly on this, right?
Video games, drugs, gambling, cheating, and no job paying a liveable wage? I think you should let her go and move on to the safest, surest thing for you.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> So you realize you’re wayyyyyyyy too irresponsible in multiple ways to advise correctly on this, right?
> Video games, drugs, gambling, cheating, and no job paying a liveable wage? I think you should let her go and move on to the safest, surest thing for you.


Where am I a cheat? Where haven’t I a job? I’ve got 2 Infact. Both I will lose when I need to move back towards friends and family


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## JoeLDN (Sep 5, 2021)

From what I've read and I'm no expert, you need to move on sharpish. I don't buy this she still loves you BS, if she did she wouldn't consistently return to you ex-mate, and have done anything with him in the first place. The only reason now she wants to help you financially seems be out of pity, not because she has any faith in you both moving forward, she's done it once, she is perfectly capable of doing it again. Also, and yet again this is my opinion, there is no point retaliating with your ex-mate, will get you no-where and in all fairness, it takes two people to tango. Just move on and start you life fresh, in a couple of years this will have all blown over, you'll be in a new relationship without all this baggage and you will have learned a few lessons along the way. Good luck whatever you do.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Brother, I feel your pain, when the one person you want to turn to, is the one that caused your misery. However, having read your previous thread and this one, im going to lay some tough love on you.

You have too many demons to be a good partner to anyone right now. The fact you want to attack the other guy, shows you have some issues to resolve.

Put this one to bed, cut her off, work on yourself, quit the gambling, xbox and drinking. Doesn't have to be forever, but right now, you are not a capable and confident man. Find some purpose in your life and channel your energy into that. Don't run away, find somewhere you can afford, knuckle down, pay off your debts and get some exercise.

Turn yourself into someone who you like when you look in the mirror. Not just physically, but mentally as well. Live your life with integrity.

Once you get to that place, you can see what's happening with her. But honestly, if you learn to love yourself, you'll realise you don't need her for your self worth and won't tolerate sh8tty behaviour. 

Now if your thinking that's a lot of work, it is! But the investment you make in yourself, is the best investment you'll ever make and will pay dividends for the rest if your life.

Start small, one day at a time, you'll get better, make a plan and stick to it.

And one last thing, if you're struggling to kick the drugs and booze, swallow your pride and get to the GP.

Good luck


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TBY1 said:


> Where am I a cheat? Where haven’t I a job? I’ve got 2 Infact. Both I will lose when I need to move back towards friends and family


I thought you said you had in the past cheated on her. Not trying to kick you..... 
just hoping you can see where you are now, where you need to be, and why trying to reconcile with a woman that doesn’t want to isn’t possible.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I thought you said you had in the past cheated on her. Not trying to kick you.....
> just hoping you can see where you are now, where you need to be, and why trying to reconcile with a woman that doesn’t want to isn’t possible.


I’ve never cheated on her


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What did you do? Did you rent the place?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's hard to see how it's going to work out when you are more or less having to pressure her into wanting to try.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> What did you do? Did you rent the place?


No, I decided I’m moving away to my mums and to start fresh, work on myself and have space between us but remain friends. Who knows maybe once the stress and emotion of returning from Australia wears off she might realise she wants to try again. She blames me as does her dad and she must still hate me for not passing my permanent residency test cos I was drunk from the night before but I had only drunk because I was so anxious and nervous about possibly failing


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It's hard to see how it's going to work out when you are more or less having to pressure her into wanting to try.


That’s why I said I’m not doing it, I didn’t see the point if she isn’t happy about it, she should want to want to do it


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> That’s why I said I’m not doing it, I didn’t see the point if she isn’t happy about it, she should want to want to do it


Why did you come back from Oz?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Why did you come back from Oz?





TBY1 said:


> No, I decided I’m moving away to my mums and to start fresh, work on myself and have space between us but remain friends. Who knows maybe once the stress and emotion of returning from Australia wears off she might realise she wants to try again.* She blames me as does her dad and she must still hate me for not passing my permanent residency test cos I was drunk from the night before but I had only drunk because I was so anxious and nervous about possibly failing*


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TBY1 said:


> That’s why I said I’m not doing it, I didn’t see the point if she isn’t happy about it, she should want to want to do it


I think you’re doing the right thing. My apologies about the cheating thing.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

TBY1 said:


> No, I decided I’m moving away to my mums and to start fresh, work on myself and have space between us but remain friends. Who knows maybe once the stress and emotion of returning from Australia wears off she might realise she wants to try again. She blames me as does her dad and she must still hate me for not passing my permanent residency test cos I was drunk from the night before but I had only drunk because I was so anxious and nervous about possibly failing


Well you showed your wife that your and her future was not as important as getting wasted the night before. You have major issues. I don't care if you cheated or not, but it sounds like you have issues with alcohol, being responsible with anything. Cheating comes in many forms, it is not just physical or emotional. There is also financial infidelity and simply not being trustworthy and you are not trustworthy. Go home to mamma and sort yourself out. Let your wife go and find someone who has their **** together.


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