# Confused husband- Wife feels dead inside



## bravozulu04 (Sep 10, 2020)

Hello everyone, 

I'm 36 and my wife is 33, been together 10 years, no kids, and our marriage has had its up and downs, but 2020 has been just been a rough year on it.In February my wife mentioned she wanted a divorce and I was able to convince her to stay and for us to work things out and that we could maintain separate bedrooms. As the months have passed, I've helped out out a lot with taking over household chores, cooking dinner, and handling all the house bills so can focus on her own small business that she runs. My wife is under incredible stress from her small business, which she says is her dream, and I have offered to help in anyway possible, but she turns down my help and continues focusing on it alone.

Last night we talked, she said that even though I've been great the past few months, that she is dead inside and needs to move out so she can find herself, even though money is tight due to her business. She sees psychiatrist and psychologist on a regular basis and says that they support this idea. She did agree to doing marriage counseling though. 

In earlier years of marriage, she was warm and caring, always showing love. Now, she's become cold and distant, resorted to damaging walls and breaking items in the house in fits of anger( usually because of work stress), and abuses alcohol on a regular basis.I'm far from perfect and have been addressing the issues that hurt our marriage but I've never resorted to violence or abusing alcohol. It's like my wife is having a mid-life crisis or something and blames her business stress on me. 

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Unfortunately, you can not keep someone who is done, and clearly she is done. Allow her to leave but please do not help her with her business either financially or otherwise, some journeys must occur alone, she either needs to succeed or fail alone. In the mean time keep working on yourself. Maybe she will come back or maybe she won't either way its her life and her choices you now need to make the same choices as well. Have either of you spoken to a lawyer ?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She wants to move out. Her psychiatrist and psychologist (why does she see both of these? Isn't a psychiatrist a psychologist with extra education who can also write scripts?) support this. 

Why fight this? What do you have to gain by fighting what someone really wants to do?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It's not you. Got to quit trying to do chores to make her life easy, to earn her affection. 

Let her sh!t go. Get yourself on track, make your life squared away and agile, so you can do whatever is in your best interests.

Really. Let her live with consequences of her actions and hardships.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You are at the stage that many, many men that has been married for a while get to: too complacent with their marry life and so afraid to be on their own again.

You have lost your "mojo" as a man and as an individual. You are in fear of losing the life you were having even if it wasn't that great. In other words you have lost your self worth and self respect that it has you scampering on any which way trying to stop the bleeding even though is hemorrhaging.

She's done man. Just accept it and move on. At least let her see that you have self respect and give her a departing image of you being a man that grabs the bull by the horns.

No more doing anything for her. Practice the 180 to help you move on from her. Immediately get consultation with a least a couple of lawyers to know where you stand legally. Serve her ASAP. Hopium won't get you anything, just prolong the agony . Do yourself a favor: just end it from your end, because she already did.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let her go.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

A Rational Male will remain independent and keep himself in a leadership role and invite lived ones to come on along on his journey. 

But getting dependent on an SO by a H to be able to live independently if he chooses is a big thing to avoid. 

Build your independence.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Help her pack.
Document the hell out of everything you noted in the last paragraph, use that as grounds, and file first.
Call her out on that behavior with a swift filing that catches her off guard.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Sounds like a classic case of "it's not you, it's me". She sounds like she has some depression/mental issues she needs to work on. Also Covid has been very stressful, especially for small business owners and marriages. Recent study said divorces were up 34% from this time last year.

Time apart may do you good. But it could also be the end of your relationship. Either way, you didn't beg her to marry you and you shouldn't beg her to stay.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Shoot, I read she's already checked out but presently gets to keep enjoying the life and easy living the M provides and SO is a slave and a paycheck.

Her easy living during troubles she's causing has got to stop pronto or she'll never become appreciative or more respectful. 

But I think she's gone, anyway, but only you know the full details. 

Best of luck.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I can't even stress to you ENOUGH how much you should run.

Run as though your life depends on it. Run like all the devils in Hell are after you.

However you do it, just make sure you DO.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I understand you want to be the fixer of your W business and drinking. Sadly, alcohol is a hard driver and you will not fix that. The alcohol abuse will eventually fix your W business stress as it will fail miserably. You are in a no win situation. The business and alcohol in your W mind is all she needs.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Bravo, as much as you don't want to hear it, it sounds like there's another man in the picture. When people start talking about "finding themselves" it means they want to experiment with others. She has lost romantic interest in you Dawg. When that happens, it never comes back to anything close to full vigor. At best, youre looking at ice age in your house.
In respect to guys in your shoes that think that increasing the household chores is going to get them back to plan A status, need to remember the guy banging their wife probably didn't start seduction by coming over and doing chores. As much as they appreciate it, seeing you as a housekeeper does not make them wet their pants.


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