# Can't I be good friends with a single guy if I'm married?



## Marie Z (Jun 19, 2012)

I am married and I have a single guy friend. We became friends when we worked together. He is a cool guy and he has been like a close friend to me. Lately the thing that is really making me sad cause it is so ignorant is that he has been avoiding me and acting strange with me so in return I don't know how I should handle his behavior he has said he doesn't want my husband thinking something is going on between us. I have been friends with him for awhile so I don't know why this is coming out now. I've talked to my husband he is ok with my being friends with him since I have been honest and told him he is just one of the buddies from my church. I wish there was some way I could make my friend feel comfortable with hanging around me like he does with his other girl pals that have boyfriends or husbands. It really hurts me when I just want to fit in and I feel like an outcast to him now because of my relationship status.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Ok. I think you may want to look at yourself in this picture. He has made it clear he is uncomfortable with a chummy relationship with you. If he has similar relationships with other attached women and isn't uncomfortable with them, then you clearly are different. Have you ever thought that his feelings toward you may be more romantic then you think and certainly must be different then his other gal pals? I would say he is being a good friend and trying to have strong boundaries. Your primary relationship should be to your husband. Not certain why you are continuing to push your relationship with this single guy when he clearly is uncomfortable with it. Walk away.

Just my opinion...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

No, you can't.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I agree with KanDo. He has likely acquired some feelings for you. And he feels uncomfortable and sees it as inappropriate. You should understand that, as your relationship status is "married". 

Don't be naive, there will be many situations in life, where friendships with men are inappropriate. You must learn to recognize it when it presents itself.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think he does have feelings for you, and he is trying to distance himself from you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

anchorwatch said:


> I agree with KanDo. He has likely acquired some feelings for you. And he feels uncomfortable and sees it as inappropriate. You should understand that, as your relationship status is "married". .


Agreed, I call them my "redflag" women. Those I find myself abnormally attracted to and want to spend a lot of time with. I'm married, so I recognize the slippery slope and danger. So, I will intentionally distance myself because I know with that woman in particular, I would have a weakness....

So don't take it bad and as rejection. It is possible it is the exact opposite; an unhealthy attraction to a married woman.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

It is my opinion, as well as many others, that opposite sex friendships while in a committed relationship is never a good idea. Opposite sex friendships are a large part of many, if not most, infidelity stories. 

Romantic feelings usually grow from bonding through conversation and enjoyable times. When that happens with OSF, UH OH!!! It could take a few days or it could take a few years, but it's happens....A LOT!!!!

So to answer your question, NOOOO!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

He LIKES you, likes you. THAT'S why.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

He's likely backed off because he recognized that he has feelings for you that go beyond friendship. He's doing the honorable thing and you should respect that, regardless of how you feel about it. 

Most infidelites start off just like what you are describing in terms of having a "good friend" of the opposite sex when married/in a relationship. You start talking a lot, bonding, and in the blink of an eye, you're wondering why your husband is questioning the calls, texts, and amount of time that you're spending with your "good friend". Believe me, it can happen so fast, your head will spin because I had a woman who was long-distance "good friend" and before I knew it, my marriage was coming apart before I realized what was going on. 

Let him back off and don't question it. He's probably doing you a good favor.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Marie Z said:


> I wish there was some way I could make my friend feel comfortable with hanging around me like he does with his other girl pals that have boyfriends or husbands. It really hurts me when I just want to fit in and I feel like an outcast to him now because of my relationship status.


red flag for the beginning of an EA for you?

i agree with the rest.
he seems to have enough sense to realize whats going on within himself and act accordingly.
allow him to do the right thing without making him feel bad for it.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Op... this "single guy" is one of many friends that will probably come and go. Your husband on the other hand.. is suppose to be not only your lover and partner... but your permanent friend for life... FOR LIFE. He should be top priority in your eyes.. and a friendship such as with this single guy.. really shouldn't be. At least your "single" friend has enough sense and respect for "your" marriage to back off and distance himself from you. Like others said... respect that, don't be naive, and don't press the matter. It's really not that big of a deal when you really think about it.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

:scratchhead::rofl::scratchhead:

where to begin


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Your friend likes you and probably doesn't want to be around you bceause there's no point because HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, but can't.

He did the right thing, imo.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sounds like your "relationship status" is an obstacle for your friendship. Are you sure you're not into your friend?


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## piggyoink (Apr 10, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Op... this "single guy" is one of many friends that will probably come and go.


http://friendszone.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/f14.jpg


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

piggyoink said:


> http://friendszone.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/f14.jpg


^^^Would pertain to the H imo... as the H is there for life...


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