# need input - is this normal?



## Cindy_71 (Oct 21, 2014)

hello everyone

i need some input. my husband and i have been married for over 20 years and have 3 children who are all now out of the home. we have had our ups and down like any typical marriage, went thru one separation but we worked through it. we have a wonderful relationship, rarely fight, love each other's company, love doing things together, have great communication, have the same goals in life, we know where we want to be when we "grow up". we are completely and utterly on the same page in life and love each other deeply. we hold hands, he compliments me every day, plays sexually with me, is very touchy feely with me through out the day. 

so what is the problem you may ask? he rarely wants to have sex. mind you, i know we have several things going on in our life with family and work, constantly on the go so forth. it just doesnt seem important to him. i am not a skinny minnie but i am not a big girl either, i am average weight, so i dont think it is he is not attracted to me.

few years ago 2-3 times a week was our normal. slowly it went to maybe once a week and now next thing i know it has been 2 weeks. i feel we only have sex if i initiate it. i dont mind initiating, but my desire to initiate is going away because i do not want to be the only one who initiates. i want to feel like he wants to be intimate with me as well.

should i be worried or is this something normal? we are in our mid 40's.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it may be "common" but it is not acceptable

step one is to get a physical, specifically to see if he has low testosterone issues


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

It could be that your husband's testosterone levels have declined.

Have you talked with him about your decreased sex life?

When did this change start? What other things changed at the same time? What was going on at that time?


----------



## Cindy_71 (Oct 21, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> it may be "common" but it is not acceptable
> 
> step one is to get a physical, specifically to see if he has low testosterone issues


we have talked about him getting checked, but he is like a typical man and getting him to the doctors is like pulling teeth!


----------



## Cindy_71 (Oct 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> How old are the two of you?
> 
> It could be that your husband's testosterone levels have declined.
> 
> ...


yes we have talked quite a bit about the decrease. he said it "sucks" but it doesn't quite bother him, he feels that though it is important, its not the most important part of our marriage. i agree but to an extent. unfortunately, like a typical woman, i am starting to feel like it has something to do with me! 

we had a major loss in our life about a year ago or so and i do believe it has been since then that our frequency has decreased.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Cindy_71
Please see the huge number of HD/LD (high desire / low desire) threads. This is common - and really miserable. 

You will get a lot of sympathy, but no one seems to know how to fix this.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

loss wasn't a miscarriage was it ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lakergirl (Oct 22, 2014)

If the decline started about the time of the major loss in your life then healing that could turn things around. Have you/he sought grief counselling or similar support? Men hold things in and it really impact their libido.


----------



## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

A woman who wants to have sex with her husband. They really exist?


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Cindy_71 said:


> i feel we only have sex if i initiate it. i dont mind initiating, but my desire to initiate is going away because i do not want to be the only one who initiates. i want to feel like he wants to be intimate with me as well.
> .


So big deal. INITIATE yourself. Every other day, put on some new kinky lingerie, waltz into whereever he is hanging out, and flash him some bootie. Tell him you want to get laid right there, right now!

Whats the big deal WHO inititates. People have the stupidest hangups sometimes. Just go for it. stop whining about sex. Get some now.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MachoMcCoy said:


> A woman who wants to have sex with her husband. They really exist?


Of course women exist who really want to have sex with their husband. Why the insult of all women?


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

murphy5 said:


> So big deal. INITIATE yourself. Every other day, put on some new kinky lingerie, waltz into whereever he is hanging out, and flash him some bootie. Tell him you want to get laid right there, right now!
> 
> Whats the big deal WHO inititates. People have the stupidest hangups sometimes. Just go for it. stop whining about sex. Get some now.


As shown in many threads it is big deal if only one side always initiates. With time they feel not desired, they are not sure of the other side feelings. if soemone ask strangers on TAM for help, it means this is big deal to them.


----------

