# Just hearing the voice can destroy the day...



## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

I thought I was doing sooooo well. I have been No Contact with the ex-wife for the last month. A simple blunt and to the point text exchange here and there, but nothing tangible.

Then today, I get a text asking about a bill she recieved in the mail. I reply that it may be "blah, blah, blah"... 

She then sends another one asking about my mother and how she is doing but states I dont have to answer. I text back, "Fine". She then texts asking if I'm still working out. I answer yes. She the texts that I seem busy and she hopes to talk with me soon as she has some gossip about her work. I text her back that it's just a friday at work. She texts something about her day. I dont reply.

She then calls my cell and leaves a voicemail hoping I'm doing alright, wants to talk about her work, just calling to say hi, hope I'm enjoying the weather.

Ugh. Hearing her voice just set me back a months worth of work. Dammit.

I dont get it. Why is she doing this? She wanted this divorce! I never did! Dammit....

Thoughts?


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

OH BROTHER tell me about it! Sometimes she texts me, saying "I hope you're ok today" things like that, and I hear them in her voice and man does it hurt.

I Play online games, where we use voice communication (using a ventrilo server)....she also plays...but I ignore her, no talking to her....yet...i hear her laugh, and talk happily with other people...and I hate it. I often end up turning off the server so I don't have to hear her.

My honest opinion...while she isn't "in love with you" any more, she will always, whether you like it or not, still care for you, in some capacity....and to find out if you're doing better, it makes her feel better, less guilty...and easier for her to move on.

Ultimately, she wants you to move on...and she wants to KNOW you've moved on and are happy without her, not because she wants you to be happy (though she'll say thats why)....but because she wants to feel guilt-free, and not feel responsible every time she thinks about you, about how she crushed you.

Though, even if she left you, for whatever reason....don't think for a second, that there aren't moments of her day where she truly misses you in some way...she hurts too...just, a little differently than you hurt.

You'll survive it brother, we all will...that's the unfortunate thing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CSeryllum said:


> You'll survive it brother, we all will...that's the unfortunate thing.


No, that's the FORTUNATE thing. You will survive it. And one day her void will not affect you at all. She will have lost you forever. 

Part of the reason for her calling is probably because she needs the boost of hearing your voice. Just be glad if she is not being vindictive and nasty. That's really hard to deal with.


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Hey Friggin, sorry to hear about your recent trouble.

I know its tough when you're the one feeling left behind but it's like you said, she's the one that wanted the divorce. Whatever her reason is for trying, rest assured, its more than likely a selfish one. Don't let her use you. Credit yourself for going a month NC and try not to dwell on one slip-up that allowed her to get inside your head. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

EleGirl  Survival is a matter of perspective ;p

I know what you mean though...however you read some of my previous posts...lol, you may recall that she has been vindictive and nasty  and you're right, that IS very hard to deal with


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

People might fight and split on impulse and thoughtless behaviors ...both might have had their own reasons to do so..and she might be regretting what she did , and you too feel it but cannot accept mutually about the regrets..

Well, if both of you are not married to anyone else , then talk it out consensually ,rectify, reconcile and restore your life.Give a thought and true try..


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I know what you mean about hearing the voice. This happened to me recently, it turned my stomach. I found it strange that after 20 years with this man and now the sound of his voice makes me want to puke.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

My wife walked out on me in November. We've had no contact for the good part of a month.

I saw her yesterday and spoke to her several times.

It was great.

I do feel bad that things are hard for her. But, none of it was my choosing.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Frigginlost - I think it's important to consider her motives for wanting to talk. Guilt is a strong motivator, and she might just be wanting to know you're ok so SHE can feel ok about leaving you. 

You know my situation with my stbxw... she moved out this week and on Thursday she moved the big stuff. She sent me a Facebook message that night with questions about some belongings but started it off with "How are you doing?". A tame enough question, but I didn't let her know. She doesn't deserve to know, in my opinion. I know she wants us to be friends but I have been very matter-of-fact with her for the past week. I need to in order to survive this. Actually, I've done a 180 to DO the 180, since just a week ago I was sending her long messages asking her to reconsider leaving. 

My point... my stbxw says her grieving is due to hurting me and our families, but I don't believe she is grieving the loss of the marriage. Hence guilt as a motivator. Do you think this is what yours feels?


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

canguy66 said:


> Frigginlost - I think it's important to consider her motives for wanting to talk. Guilt is a strong motivator, and she might just be wanting to know you're ok so SHE can feel ok about leaving you.
> 
> You know my situation with my stbxw... she moved out this week and on Thursday she moved the big stuff. She sent me a Facebook message that night with questions about some belongings but started it off with "How are you doing?". A tame enough question, but I didn't let her know. She doesn't deserve to know, in my opinion. I know she wants us to be friends but I have been very matter-of-fact with her for the past week. I need to in order to survive this. Actually, I've done a 180 to DO the 180, since just a week ago I was sending her long messages asking her to reconsider leaving.
> 
> My point... my stbxw says her grieving is due to hurting me and our families, but I don't believe she is grieving the loss of the marriage. Hence guilt as a motivator. Do you think this is what yours feels?


Ya know, I really don't know her motivations. Last night I did somewhat cave and texted her that I got her voicemail, sorry about taking so long to reply, thanked her for calling, and told her to have a great weekend. She never replied, so who knows. I do know that hearing her voice has set me back and has stirred the depressive and angry thoughts.... But I still refuse to contact her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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