# A week after renewing vows, he's at it again!



## Resentful one (Apr 9, 2014)

I've been married for 5 years and we just renewed our vows and decided to make a fresh start. 

3 years ago I was unhappy and almost had an affair. I couldn't bring myself to do it. He found out and was extremely upset. I tried for a long time to tell him what I felt was wrong and he just brushed it off. After finding out, he tried to fix what was wrong. Things were ok....

Last October, I received a text from my cell phone carrier that we were going over minutes. We never even get close to going over. I logged onto my account and saw that he had used over 1500 minutes and sent/received over 10,000 text/picture/video messages (in less than a month) to some woman from another state. 

I did some detective work before confronting him and found out her name and address. When he came home from work, all h*ll let loose. I took his phone and called her!! She said she didn't know he was married! While I was on the phone with her, he messages her via FB and told her I was vindictive and a liar and not to believe anything I said. I shut his phone off and he told her he would figure out how to get another one! 

He erased everything before he handed me the phone so I never saw what intimate thoughts/pictures/video was exchanged. Meanwhile he had read everything from when I was going to have an affair so he knew everything, even the intimate things! 

We tried to move on from there and things were a little better and when we decided to renew our vows and make a fresh start....I thought everything was really on the upswing! 

Then...not even a week after....I found on his work phone, where he has looked up adult sites (which he has done profusely in the past which makes me angry) and searched for and viewed a boatload of women's profiles and pictures....even the woman he was having the phone affair with last October!!! 

I'm at my wits end! Financially, I can't throw him out because I'm on workers comp and it looks like I will be for quite a while longer so I'm stuck!! 

I haven't confronted him on what I recently found and not sure how I should go about it either. 

I no longer trust him and the little bit of trust that was building is flat out GONE!! I'm so resentful! 

Any advice will be appreciated!!


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

it sounds like he's done.
do you have children together?


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## Resentful one (Apr 9, 2014)

None together. I have 3, youngest is 16.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Resentful one said:


> None together. I have 3, youngest is 16.


time to find a new place for you and your children for a while. 
please don't stay there and let him cause you all such pain. he's not exactly being the best role model for your children either.

i know it's not what you want to hear but it really sounds like this isn't worth saving.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Sounds like you both need counseling, both IC and MC. To me it seems that you have both just rug swept your and his A's. I think he is done and can see why he would be (seen from a BS side as well, not justifying just stain I can see his point, but is no excuse for his A). I can only assume from what you have written, but it seems that you blame him for everything that is wrong in your M. 

You were unhappy and stepped out, and when he found out, you say he then tried to fix things. I don't really see anything but you blaming him for what was wrong in the marriage and not working to fix it, but he probably can't get over the fact that you broke your vows and overstepped your boundaries and may never be able to. What changes have you undergone to make things better in the M? Because you feel it was better, have you discussed it at length, or is this just because he was working on the things you needed? Were you returning the work?

You seem upset that you never got to find out his intimate details but he knows yours (does he really know it all or just a great deal, think about that as most never really reveal everything and have deleted lots so the truth is what is divulged and lots may be skipped or forgotten). I see lots of vindictive behavior from you(downing him for his A, when you had one as well, cutting off his phone, continuing to snoop after the fact, etc) because of this fact (I know it sucks not knowing the truth, and you may have to just face the facts that you never will) you are not fully into the M I would bet (or at least it looks like it to him). Have you been totally open with him since your A? Unfortunately you may just have to end it, as it seems neither of you are into anymore. Just my honest opinion. I hope things work out for you.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

You would better off without him.He seems to me to be a lost cause and not worth your time or effort.You can go to Legal Aid for help and dept human resources,they will get assistance for rent,food,utility bills and whatever you need.plenty of programs out there to help you till you get on your feet.So please use them and I wish you the best of luck.Dump this ahole


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I suspect the two of you have been merely sweeping things under the rug, and not actually dealing with the issues leading up to the affairs, or the fallout of the affairs. Until you do, the cycle will continue. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Resentful one (Apr 9, 2014)

Squeaker,

I have done IC and he won't do MC with me to try and save anything! Before we were married, I found out he had paid a visit to his ex GF! I threw him out and he begged and pleaded it would never happen again! I took him back. Several times after this, I found him on singles sites...again promise after promise not to do it again! He's a repeat offender! I ALMOST did it ONCE!! Does this make it right...absolutely not!!! 

He has made me feel like a door mat!

So yes....I do blame him for most of the problems in our marriage. I feel like he just has nowhere else to "shack up" and is only staying with me for that reason!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So when are you going to start taking control back? What's your plan? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He can't make you feel like a doormat without your cooperation. You need to take charge of your life. And always have a plan.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Resentful one said:


> Squeaker,
> 
> I have done IC and he won't do MC with me to try and save anything! Before we were married, I found out he had paid a visit to his ex GF! I threw him out and he begged and pleaded it would never happen again! I took him back. Several times after this, I found him on singles sites...again promise after promise not to do it again! He's a repeat offender! I ALMOST did it ONCE!! Does this make it right...absolutely not!!!
> 
> ...


You cheated on him 2 years into the M. During that time you should still be in honeymoon stage, yet you cheated. So either you were unhappy from the start of the M or you are justifying your actions through his actions (blame shifting) as you say you were unhappy for a long time. I just don't see that you have been married long enough to be SOOO unhappy for such a long time. 

I am not trying to blame you (although it might sound like that here), but you need to realize that if he was doing so much wrong and you were letting him, you are letting him treat you like a doormat and accepting his behavior and you had your hand in the breakdown of the M. You have only been married for 5 years and have no kids with him (maybe he feels like he is saddled with the care of your kids whom may not treat him like dad and doesn't like it or see the point), so now is the time to get out. You obviously have a toxic M and relationship and are not suited for each other IMHO.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Youleqa said you have three children,now it seems like you have a fourth,your husband.he doesn't want to do MC and you tell him to leave and he promises sto change,then immediately goes to dating sites.lies and disrespect.next time you tell himr to leave he can live in. His car.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

I was just wondering if you happen to be married to Congressman Weiner. Perhaps you should change your name.


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