# Confused on marraige life



## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

I have written on this site before, basically, this month will be a year that we will be married, starting from the 2nd month into our marriage. My husband and I would fight every weekend about his drinking. I would plead and cry to him to stop drinking, that this is not him. He wasn't violent, but he just didn't know when to stop and didn't know his limit.. to the point where it was just so embarrassing to see him like that.. which hurted me numerous time. I have tried to until he got arrested for DWI - he had to wear those scram bracelet for 3 months, and is currently on probation and attending classes. as soon as the bracelet went off, he was at the bar. he was like he knows his limit which is two drinks, i said fine, now u know and be more responsible now. 
Going further, he would go by our friends house and drink with the guys.. And than turn around and talk so negatively about me to my own friends. They would come back and tell me, and i would just brush it aside. The final straw was for his bday that he got so drunk and I was so embarrass. I told him stop, his parents intervene.. That didn’t help. than over the weekend, he was drinking 3 days straight and talk negatively about me. I told him I was done, and he wanted to work things out.. My mom got involve, and spoke to him, and advice to me I should give it one more chance. I hope I am doing the right thing. My friends think I have gotten weak, and that he got his fingers twisted around my mom and I. He was good for that week, he helped cooked, clean and was good – than for his brother’s bday I told him only 2 drinks, which ended up with 4 – I let that go. Than another night, he went to the bar and I was with him, he had 2 when I wasn’t there and than another 2 again. He was fine, but when we got home, we got into another argument, and he walked out, and came back smelling like beer. I just got so irritated. That he never puts me into consideration when he drinks. 
It has come to the point, where as, I don’t go anywhere with him anymore – My friends don’t want him around, and he doesn’t even go anywhere, but this is all his doing. 

He continues to drink once again and I hate this side and despise him, because I feel like my past is re-occurring, having a father and ex has an alcoholic. He drinks 2- 4 beers or so, and its gets me so upset that he does this and hate to see him look like this – after all the fighting during the moment, the next day he wants to make things better. I am up to my wit with this, and sad to say unhappy

I have no emotions in any loving way for him right now... he battered it so much, that I cant even force to love him that way as before. I do care for him, but how much more can a person take. He said he will try, I just hope he will do it for himself and for us. . I just want to move away by myself and live alone. Is it normal to want and feel this so soon? He knows that I don’t love him as much as I use to and he wants to make things better. But I have given up hope and don’t want to try anymore. 

What would you do? I am only 30 years old – but I have so much to put in consideration if I decide to leave - Such as my family and his.


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## marriedtoo (Jul 8, 2010)

You didn't mention about kids Do you have any? If the answer is no I wouldn't even think twice about leaving. You are only 30 don't wait till you think you're too old to start over.I know it may sound cold or harsh but he has to deal with his own baggage, I think people who drink have deep rooted issues they don't want or don't know how to deal with but why drag someone along. You also mention you would have to consider your family and his into this. I believe a married couple is that a couple (2) and no one else is entitled to decide about it. Express opininons yes but ultimatley the decision is for you guys to make. If he's willing to try a program such as AA for the marriage then you guys should probably give it a try, if not well! I said it b4.


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## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

No, we do not have any kids - he wants to have kids - but I told him lets survive at least a year, but than after the drinking, he tried to give me that " i will change when we have a kid" I was like No, I am not bringing a child into a marriage if the two parents cant work it out. I wouldn't want my child to grow up like me with out both parents. He goes to his AA program, but I just feel he is wasting his time.


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## marriedtoo (Jul 8, 2010)

He's already going to AA but still drinking? Red flag...
Want you to have a baby so he can change? Red Flag
You say let's SURVIVE at least a year. If your just trying to survive that's another red flag about the relationship. That's just my humble opinion. Good luck!!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

christine30 said:


> That he never puts me into consideration when he drinks.


You can't expect that he would. His drinking has nothing to do with you. He cannot stop simply because you don't like or because you ask him to stop. He is an alcoholic. They become selfish people who cannot control themselves. He will make all kinds of promises and live up to none of them. If you want to leave, then go now. There is no point in hoping he stop drinking. If he ever does, how old will you be still sticking around arguing and hoping.

And also, alcoholics cannot have just one drink or just two, and you only fool yourself to think you can monitor him. If he wants to stop drinking, he has to understand that he cannot drink AT ALL. None whatsoever. And he already knows that since he attends AA meetings. So don't bother with being okay with his self-delusional so-called limit of two drinks. They always turn into more, just like your story states.



christine30 said:


> What would you do? I am only 30 years old – but I have so much to put in consideration if I decide to leave - Such as my family and his.


You have no one to consider but yourself. Neither your family nor his family are living your nightmare. And, I cannot believe a woman's own mother told her to stay with him and give him another chance. If MY DAUGHTER'S husband spoke badly about her and put her - his own wife - down to anyone at all, much less her friends, I would go pack her belongings and drag her home by her hair if I had to. If there were problems in her marriage, I would encourage the two of them to work things out in most cases. But this is not a marital issue. This is a problem HE HAS that negatively affects the marriage. That is altogether different. What did your mother expect you to give him another chance to do? Tell more lies? Have two more drinks? Talk about you some more when he's drunk? Behave like an ass and embarrass you some more. Hey, mother's can be wrong sometimes although I would hope they normally have their daughter's best interest at heart.


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