# D-Day



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

D-Day, the day your life gets flipped upside down.

The day your heart is crushed and you can't catch your breath.

The day you bawl your eyes out like a child.

The day you wander about in a stupor of emotions.

The day you vomit and wretch.

The day where your emotions ricochet from hurt-to-anger-to-loss-to-fear-to-that place nobody wants to admit they've gone.

The day where one issue is all consuming.

The day you feel totally alone.

The day you feel a complete failure.

The day you question everything you've done in your marriage over the last few days-months-years.

The day you worry about your kids in a manner you'd never thought you'd have to do.

D-Day. Discovery Day. The day you realize the one you committed yourself to for life has betrayed you. 

This post is for the newest members here. The ones that are experiencing some or all of the above. It is also for the lurkers who haven't yet been able to join the community and seek help at a time when you need it most.

There are lots of places to find help. Family, friends, clergy, counselors, books.... There is also TAM. A community of anonymous people, brought together with a single commonality. A marriage in trouble. Some of us survived, some of us divorced, some are still fighting, some have given up, some have betrayed, some have been betrayed, some are bitter and some are thankful. "Coping with Infidelity" is the place nobody wants to be but it is the place with a tremendous amount of support and sage. It can be confusing, brutal and enlightening all at the same time. If you have found yourself here, listen to it all. Sort it out. Apply what fits. Apply what doesn't seem to. Work for a solution that is best for you, your spouse, your marriage and your kids.

D-Day. Monday, May 21st 2007. 8:05 AM. 

The day my life got flipped upside down.

The day my heart was crushed and I couldn't catch my breath.

The day I bawled my eyes out like a child.

The day I wandered about in a stupor of emotions.

The day I vomited and wretched.

The day where my emotions ricocheted from hurt-to-anger-to-loss-to-fear-to-that place I didn't want to admit I'd gone

The day where one issue was all consuming.

The day I felt totally alone.

The day I felt a complete failure.

The day I questioned everything I'd done in my marriage over the last few days-months-years.

The day I worried about my kids in a manner I'd never thought I'd have to do.

D-Day. Discovery Day. The day I realized the one I'd committed to for life had betrayed me.

Later this summer, she and I will happily celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. TAM had a lot to do with that.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

D-Day. Friday, February 20th 2015. 11:15 PM.

After 25 years of marriage and a 13-year-old son, my STBXH has filed for divorce because his AP is his Exit Affair. They're "in love" and he wants to marry her. He met her the previous September while on a trip out of state to a funeral (yes, they met at the funeral), and carried on an emotional and physical affair with her from then on. Wouldn't have told me about her at all until after he moved out, which wasn't until earlier this month, if I hadn't found out.

I'm glad your marriage could be saved, OP. Mine cannot. Even if he suddenly wakes up tomorrow and realizes he's making a terrible mistake, dumps her, and begs me for forgiveness, I will not take him back.

Rather than put an ounce of effort into fixing the problems in our marriage, which were mutually caused and were not nearly as bad as many of the ones I read about here every day, he spent over a year deciding our marriage was over on his own, mourning that loss and going through the process of emotional detachment, all without saying a word to me, and then decided to have an affair and blow up my and his son's world.

I have done The 180 since Day 1, with only a couple of minor lapses early on. I don't regret that - it's kept me sane, and helped me love myself again. But there is no fixing or saving this marriage. I'm just thankful we got our son out of it - for that reason alone, I don't regret marrying a man who really has always valued me so little. I can't get the last year when he had fully checked out, trashing my life in the process, back. But I can make the next year better.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Exemplary


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Nomorebeans said:


> He met her the previous September while on a trip out of state to a funeral (yes, they met at the funeral), and carried on an emotional and physical affair with her from then on.


Oh reeeaaaaallllly...










...?


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

Dday - the day when you realized your value is in how you can be used and abused.


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## kwood (Feb 9, 2015)

I had 3 d days but i have no body to blame but my self.they were the worst days of my life .i truly belive that it is impossible to rebuild after a affair. I tried it and i could never get over the hurt or that i meant so little to her .after the first time she saw how bad she hurt me and the kids she could do it 2 more times. She rally did not care about us.. D day is the worst thing a person can go through. No orther pain like it.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

January 20, 2014.

The start of the most painful period of my life, the day I died internally, the day I stood surrounded by ruins. The day my depression amped up to being suicidal. Death was the only answer, the day I got the courage to act on being suicidal. The lowest point in my entire life. 

Fourteen months later I am still in therapy and on medication. I have improved, some of my old self is returning, the process has been long and slow. We still struggle with reconciliation, we work on ourselves and the marriage. I hope we make it through, I know we have the strength too, we are learning about how we've each changed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

*D-Day
The day that I was forced to get bitter or better*


Eventually I decide to get better and made some decision and took some actions. I utilized the three Fs…Friends, family, and faith. After several years I am now much more self-sufficient and will never be that devastated again by some woman betraying me.


*You can use your pain for gain
Or
You can use your pain to blame*


It is very foolish to put 100% trust in anyone and foolish to not use every opportunity to become as self-sufficient as possible. No one I know can become totally self-sufficient but you can become self- sufficient enough that no one can ruin your life. That is the bottom line if you want to get better.


When you have been betrayed it is always best to look to yourself to see where you can improve yourself than to be consumed by the betrayer. You can do more than anyone else to get yourself in a better state and you most certainly should not look to the one that has proven to you that they will devastate you as has been described by the previous posts above.


It is Ok to vent and lick your wounds for a while but there will come a time when you will have to take actions because *in the end you and God are the ones that can make the big difference in your well-being. No one else has that power.* IMO


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

After my first wife died of ovarian cancer, I never thought I would experience something more gut wrenchingly painful as that. I was wrong.


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## overthink (Apr 18, 2013)

Amplexor said:


> ...
> 
> D-Day. Discovery Day. The day you realize the one you committed yourself to for life has betrayed you.
> 
> ...


Thank you for this. I'm one of the lurkers (even lurked for several months before I joined.) I haven't shared my story, but I've learned A LOT and am a MUCH different person now than when I first joined TAM thanks to the posters in CWI.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Jesus Amp, you made my heart rate spike, and I felt nauseous.

I thought ... something else when I saw your post.

You come to know people around here, and their relationships.

I don't want any more D-days. 

Not for me.

Not for the people I care about.

Happy Anniversary in advance.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Great post Amp. Should be stickied up top.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Deejo said:


> Jesus Amp, you made my heart rate spike, and I felt nauseous.
> 
> I thought ... something else when I saw your post.
> 
> ...


Sorry Deej. Nah, she and I are good. On the commute this morning I just took an inventory as to where I was eight years ago today. In short I was a walking FUBAR. I just wanted the newbies to know that there are many who have traveled their path before them. And many are here willing to help.

Have a good Memorial Day all. I'm out for a few days.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Amplexor said:


> Sorry Deej. Nah, she and I are good. On the commute this morning I just took an inventory as to where I was eight years ago today. In short I was a walking FUBAR. I just wanted the newbies to know that there are many who have traveled their path before them. And many are here willing to help.
> 
> Have a good Memorial Day all. I'm out for a few days.



Good post Amplexor


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Amp, you are a very rare bird here at CWI! 
Eight years past D-day and going to celebrate 30 Years of marriage!!!

I think that you are a very valuable resource and an encouragement to some.
It is great seeing that. Mr. Infidelity gets his AZZ kicked sometimes.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Great post Amp. :smthumbup:

Have had one D day, many years ago, we rug swept (If I knew then what I know now from this wonderful forum, I might have handled it differently) but it never goes away for the BS.

Think there might be another one in the offing, those gut feelings were working overtime in 2010-2012, no proof as yet and I may never know. That kills me. 

He's doing all the right things atm (patience, listening, flowers, etc, because he knows I am ready to walk) but my perimenopause is sinking in and he's going through hell with me as I dig up everything (all his crappy treatment of me ) and don't trust him on any level. 
I don't know what it is but I am at the stage of no holds barred and I don't give a s*** and I will push him to the limit. 

I don't want to break up the family (oldest coming home for the summer and youngest will be here for summer and then leave to go to college too), but I am not rug sweeping anything anymore and the chips can fall where they may. 

OK rant over


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