# Unable to love my wife



## trdft (Nov 7, 2012)

I'm unable to love my wife and I'm not sure if I can continue with that.

In the beginning I liked my wife. We seemed to have many common things like taste in music or furniture. She was the only one I did not mind to have around me all the time. I had also feelings for her but actually I'm not sure if they were strong enough to be called love.

After a while things changed and she started to accuse my of anything. Every time everything was my fault. This led me to be very closed-hearted towards her and soon after strong dislike. I wanted to separate but since we had already a kid I decided to be with my family and just deal with the fact that I'm not happy with her. Partly I was also unsure if I could manage as a single father. Anyway this is now 3 years ago and since then I tried to improve the situation and actually my wife is getting a better person increasingly.

But here comes my problem. The more she becomes a wonderful wife the more I hate her for becoming so and I hate myself for not splitting up earlier. It has come to a state where I'm not able to even try to improve my feelings for her. And the fact she tried hard to become better makes me feel very guilty about it. She does not deserve to be divorced.

Maybe it is the thought that I won't meet another person that fits so well to me and splitting up with that kind of person is insane. But on the other hand it drives me crazy. I don't love her. I can't and I even don't want to. I avoid her face in bed, and often I have to overcome hard feelings to return a simple kiss. The only thing that keeps me going right now is the smile of my kids.

I don't know what I want and I don't know what to do about it. So any advice is appreciated.

(please excuse my language, I'm neither native nor living in an English speaking country)


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

Your heart knows what you want - to truly love and be loved! If you don't love her and yet you want to be happy you have no choice but to face your fears of the unknown and end the relationship.
Of course you may get a negative reaction - but how others feel is their problem not yours.
You married from the head and not from the heart. You made a mistake? There is no shame in that (name one person who has never made any mistakes).
The only real mistake in life is to go against what your heart is telling you - and the longer you do the more painful it will be for you and everyone else.


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