# Depression Turned Him Gay?



## mbarks (May 18, 2009)

A little background first:
My "husband" and I have been "married" for a little under a year and together for a little over three. I use quotes because we are not legally married because of his debt and student loans, but we have had a ceremony and in our eyes we are married. I have great credit and the only way we are able to get by is because I work 2 jobs and was able to get the mortgage on our house under my name with my credit. He refuses to get a job because he is thinking about going to law school (unfortunately, he only as a 2.1 because he was lazy during college). During our junior year of college(three years ago), he went off of his depression meds with out ever consulting a doctor and was surprised his symptoms came back! In the past, when he has depression "spells," he always would leave, but then come back and be great until the next one hit. I really care for him, but the mood swings, while I know they aren't his fault, are very hurtful as he completely cuts me out of his life for weeks at a time (normally no more than 3 weeks). During the times we are together though, he continually makes excuses for himself and often out right lies to my face in order to cover up what i presume he sees as flaws (which they normally are, messiness, forgetfulness, ect....)
Now, on to the good part. two days ago, he was out of town and I get an IM in which he proceeds to tell me we aren't together anymore, he's gay, and he doesn't know why his feelings have changed. He then told me to not try to contact him until he contacts me.  WHAT DO I DO? 

Another thing, I am 99% sure he is straight. When he isnt suffering from his depression, our sex life is fulfilling for both of us, I catch him trying to sneakily check out other women, and he is a touchy-feely guy. So, I'm wondering if him telling me he is gay is another excuse, or if maybe his depression was caused maybe by him trying to cover it up. Is that even possible?


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## mbarks (May 18, 2009)

I forgot to add he is also sterile, which ads a great deal of stress to our "marriage" as I desperately want a child of my own with the man I love.


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## dcfl_notsure (May 8, 2009)

Wow!! What a situation. I know you really "love" this guy, but for him to go on spurts where he doesn't communicate with you at all is just unacceptable. He refuses to get a job and you work 2 jobs?? That's unacceptable as well! This person is obviously too irresponsible not only in the financial department, but as a "husband" as well. As much as it is going to be mentally tough for you to move on, I'm suggesting that you run in the opposite direction of this person. Take steps to live your life without him. Thank your lucky stars that you do not have to actually divorce this guy and you can just move on. I am in a predicament with my wife (see my posting) and I am "stuck" because I will have to go through a divorce rather than just being able to walk away.

If you need a "buddy" to talk to and vent, you can message me for support. This site also seems to be helpful to relate to others concerning marriage.

Good luck! My best to you.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Gay or not he's definitely taking you for a ride. why would you want to have kids with someone who is so unstable?


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## mbarks (May 18, 2009)

when he was on his depression meds, everything was better, but he thinks the meds were too addictive and now he wont touch anti-depressants. I fell in love with him when he was on them and I guess somewhere I'm hoping things will get better. As far as having children goes, I have always wanted children early and we used to talk so much about how wonderful having a family would be, but it seems that is becoming less and less possible


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

So where are you at? Vexed? Heartbroken? Pissed?

Don't contact him. Or better yet, congratulate him on his self-discovery. You already have a parent/child relationship with him - and his 'stunts' intentional or not, are unhealthy. If you continue to tolerate them, he will continue to offer them up. Odds are when you stop being available, or change the locks on the door at *your* house - his shenanigans will come to an end.


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## mbarks (May 18, 2009)

I am furiously heart brokenly relieved, if that makes any sense. Part of me despises him, the larger part, and the other part still feels empty without him. I did have the locks changed, but I had been needing to do that for a while, so the timing is good......


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Blanca said:


> Gay or not he's definitely taking you for a ride. why would you want to have kids with someone who is so unstable?


I agree he's taking you for a ride.

be glad your not legally married to him. It'll be so much easier to get away from him since your not legally married.


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