# Something that really helped me today!!



## armywife0520 (Aug 29, 2011)

In the midst of my situation (cheating husband) I have a million questions. One of my main ones was why not just get divorced? Why even get married in the first place? I came across this today and it really helped me understand for some reason, maybe this can help someone else struggling..

"Cheaters by their nature encounter loads of potential partners, and also, by their nature, don't trust easily (because they know all about lying). So who do they choose to marry? Only the most decent, kind, loving and trustworthy among us. NOT because they can pull the wool over our eyes, but because they think that by marrying us they'll have one solid rock in their shifty, deceitful lives. They don't LIKE being the way they are."

Hope this helps!
God Bless


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Sad thing is that several of us didn't know we had the capacity to cheat until it was too late. And as accurately stated, we don't like what we are now.


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

Disagree, this is generalizing and was said by someone who was hurt.

Everyone is different. I've no doubt that this describes some people to a tee.

But I've also no doubt that this is so far off the mark for others that it's completely irrelevant.

Years back, I was unhappy in my job and was whining to my boss about a project that I was working on going badly and was telling him why it was going wrong. My boss simply said, "Why is a whiner a whiner?"

I said, "When all they say is 'woe is me'"

He said, "A whiner is a whiner. It doesn't matter why they are what they are, they just are until they aren't anymore. When they stop whining they will be something else".

Me, "Yeah, what's that?"

Boss, "Whatever it is that they are."

He changed my life that day. I view cheating as the same thing. We live life, we [hopefully] learn our lessons and we become better at it.

Why is a cheater a cheater? It doesn't matter, they will stop being a cheater when they stop cheating; then they will become something else.


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

PS - Others might be tempted to switch this the other way...

Why is a faithful spouse a faithful spouse? It doesn't matter why they are what they are. When they stop being a faithful spouse, they become something else. 

What is that?

Whatever it is that they are.

Why is a cheater a cheater? It doesn't matter, they will become something else when they stop cheating.


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## armywife0520 (Aug 29, 2011)

This quote wasn't so much meant to describe why people cheat as it was to help the spouses understand why they cheat and stay married, instead of just leaving the marriage.. I do agree all situations are different and this was meant in the context of a spouse who continually cheats, but I it had helped me in my particular situation understanding why you would stay married and cheat on your spouse.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I disagree. As someone who cheated, this quote does not explain my situation whatsoever. My ex husband who also cheated, I doubt felt the way that quote says either.

When we got married, we really did love eachother & wanted to spend our lives together. We did not marry to "pull the wool over" eachothers' eyes.


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

armywife0520 said:


> why they cheat and stay married, instead of just leaving the marriage..


My top 5 reasons for wanting to R:

Not losing my daughter
Not abdicating my responsibilities as a parent
Not leaving my wife as a single mom
Financial ruin
Hope; I do love my wife but am unhappy with her; if we both work at it, maybe I can have my cake and eat it too.

However, if weren't for the first four I think I would have already been out the door. Kids up the stakes. Will I 'cheat' in the future if we can't both make changes? No, I'll accept the consequences and file for D because too many people got hurt in my EA and I can't be selfish enough to put anyone through it again.


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