# wow - how to fix this problem?!?! long, sorry!



## gabrielbeth (Oct 1, 2008)

hi everyone, i am new here and definately need some advice big time! i guess i should start off at the beginning. here goes:

i'm nearly 30 and was widowed almost 4 years ago. my late husband and i were married for almost 6 yrs and we have two kids together. even though we were extremely young when met and were only dating 3 months when we got engaged, my parents LOVED AND ADORED him. i mean, my late husband could do no wrong as far as my family was concerned and i agreed. 

fast forward to the present day and i am dating a great guy. we've been seeing each other for 10 mos now and we are pretty sure that will eventuallly marry in a couple of years. my kids luv him, i luv him, he's a wonderful man. he has been divorced for over a year b/c his wife left him when she chose her career over having children. he was crushed, but has moved on. 

from day one of meeting my bf, my parents and he have not gotten along. my parents have been extremely quick to disapprove of him and they don't even know him. they say that they don't know him enough to not like him or to like him, but they say horrible things about him behind his back. they have accused him of beating his ex wife, being abusive in other ways to me, using me for dating and/or sex, we're taking things too fast, he's controlling me and who i see or keep in contact with, say he's never gonna marry me and he's gonna dump me, that he's no good and bad for me. stuff like that. all of which are completely NOT true! my bf has never said anything bad about my mom and dad ever. 

my parents are a bit critical of me anyway and ever since i lost my husband, they have treated me like a complete idiot and a child. it's like they see me as a teenager again or something. my bf is so tired of this that he told me recently that he never wants my parents in his house, that if we get married then he doesn't want anything to do with them, and that if it keeps going the way it is that HE WON'T EVEN MARRY ME AT ALL. it's that much of a deal breaker for him. i keep telling him that he should be a bigger person and just fake being nice, but he's ready to explode on my dad and actually welcomes a confrontation soon. 

what should i do? i don't want to be put in the middle of this b/c i cherish my parents and all they do for me and my kids, but i love my bf too and want a chance at a happy life with him. yikes, this sucks. help! any advice? thanks
gabrielbeth


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Wow this is tough...

one, I would have your BF backround checked, jsut to make sure the reason he got divorced involved no "police reports"

Well the parents and BF really need to Iron things out or no marriage, because it will always be an issue and always a problem and tear away at you.

It looks like your parents, particularly your dad and BF need to hash things out like men. This has to be settled one way or another. There will always be tension, and it will filter down to your children.

Either your parents and BF settle things and hash it out and start to get along and heal, or your life will never be rosey again and there will always be tension in it.

How many men have you dated since your first husband passed? That had to be rough. I feel for you and the children.

This is better off settled sooner then later. But I would sit down and chat with your parents, you might ahve to sit down with all of them, Minus the children and say look people, either you all work this out or there will aways be problems and I can't have this. You don't want to lose your family and right now your BF means something special to you.

It Has to be hashed out and talked about before any marriage thoughts are possible.
best of luck


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## gabrielbeth (Oct 1, 2008)

i actually DID do a background check and divorce document check back when i first started dating bf to make sure he was telling the truth. and he is. there is nothing bad on him whatsoever. he doesn't have a criminal record and nothing bad in his past or in his divorce agreement.

gasoccerman - thanx so much for your advice. your idea is actually what my bf suggestes we do to get things out in the open and finally clear the air. i hate that it might be the only solution, but i'll do whatever it takes, i guess.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I think it is the best way to get it out and open, maybe if your parents see how much he cares for you, they will stop comparing him to your past husband.

Glad you check and glad he is a good guy. I wish you luck my fellow georgia peach


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## Paul (May 26, 2008)

Garbrielbeth,

To me it appears your parents are still in some sort of grieving process and no matter whom you date, he would not be good enough for you. Maybe your parents need to seek counseling so you can all move forward? Just my .02  Best of luck!

Paul


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## Tawny Somers (Oct 31, 2008)

> what should i do? i don't want to be put in the middle of this b/c i cherish my parents and all they do for me and my kids, but i love my bf too and want a chance at a happy life with him. yikes, this sucks. help! any advice? thanks


 That's just it; you shouldn't BE "in the middle." When you have a man or a husband, your place is by his side.
You're only in the middle if you allow yourself to be....
They have no real reason to dislike him. You said this yourself. 
Your parents have been treating YOU like an idiot, you said, and you've apparently taken it - but, surprise!, your man isn't going to stand still for it, and I don't blame him.
You had better grow up and stand up to your controlling, domineering parents before they destroy your life.
Your inability to show allegiance to your man is probably giving him some serious second thoughts, about marriage, and I can't say I blame him. If you've found a good man, you better hang onto him!


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