# D-Day talk tonight or tomorrow: Any pre-reading material?



## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

*D-Day talk: Any Advice?*

Hi All,

I have posted my marital problems in the ladies lounge as well as infidelity forum (wife blew up at me for her having EAs...says she cannot trust me anymore and that her walls are up (along with calling me every name in the book)

Long story short I believe we are ending our marriage after an 8 year journey. Wife cannot stand me for everything I have done in the past (more of a too nice guy syndrome) and I cannot take her alpha female "prick" behavior in every aspect of our marriage. See below for some background if interested.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/55056-understanding-my-wife-any-advice.html

Not sure if we can save anything right now. In preparation for "the talk" I was wondering if there is any good reading material as a primer as this is new territory for me.

Thanks for reading


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

My two big pieces of advice would be:

1) Be very clear that you want a divorce if you are sure that is your goal. If you frame your conversation as "it's time for me to find a place to live on my own" or "I think we need to try living apart," (even with your previous conversations) your wife may try to start fixing things in your marriage (too little, too late) rather than putting the focus where you need it. On the other hand, if you think that you would still want to be married to your wife (because you have 4+ kids) *IF* she would change the behaviors that are deal breakers for you, then frame the separation/ living apart in that context. 

2) Make your kids the focus. Try very hard to work out a parenting agreement before bringing in lawyers. Since you are a blended family and have each done this before, and since you probably went through a lot of conversations before deciding to blend your families this step may go relatively smoothly. As part of your parenting plan, please consider getting your kids to family therapy.


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## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

Many thanks for advice.

I have never done this before as my first wife died when my 2 boys were only a few years old.....tough times......caught my current wife shortly after. Looking back that was like not the best thing to do as I did not look at the situation carefully enough.

On separation: I hear good and bad.....good in that you may calm down and then actually may miss the other. Flipside is now you are clear to go off and......in my wife's case turn one of her EAs into a PA (at least it would accelerate the end).


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