# Mutual Friends - Should they Tell?



## samatedge (Dec 7, 2012)

My original post is "Am I Being Played" - 

I found out one of our mutual friends was aware my WW had been "talking" to an OM. Apparently out of guilt, my WW broke down and told her about it early on. But my WW wasn't completely truthful about the amount of time they talked and according to the mutual friend, didn't talk about it again. That was about 1 year ago.

My WW and I have been close friends with the mutual friend and her husband for many years. The mutual friend did not tell her husband either. So he was unaware until I told him after Dday.

He was pissed off as much as I was that she didn't tell me. I confronted her about it, and she said she felt it was better for our relationship to simply "strongly discourage" my WW from talking to him vs telling me about it. 

Just wanted to get some opinions on this. The mutual in this case is one of my WW's best girlfriends. In this case, would you tell the BS or keep the secret?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I've done that before, but I gave my friend a time limit to tell her husband before I would.

It's a tricky and sticky subject. No one wants to get in the middle.

Oh and my friend did tell her husband before I had to.

I'm glad too, because talking to him knowing his wife was a wh0re was just hell.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'm of the opinion that it is moral to tell, but one should be aware that the messenger often gets shot


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The friend took the cowards way out. She chose not to be a snitch and to preserve your wife's affair secret. She chose to enable the affair to continue, by preserving the secret because it was easier and less risky than doing something like telling you.

That should be something to consider going forward about how this person will be treated in the future. She's shown that she is not willing to do anything risky for your marriage. Then why shoud she be part of it, as she isn't a true friend.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

samatedge said:


> My original post is "Am I Being Played" -
> 
> I found out one of our mutual friends was aware my WW had been "talking" to an OM. Apparently out of guilt, my WW broke down and told her about it early on. But my WW wasn't completely truthful about the amount of time they talked and according to the mutual friend, didn't talk about it again. That was about 1 year ago.
> 
> ...





Shaggy said:


> The friend took the cowards way out. She chose not to be a snitch and to preserve your wife's affair secret. She chose to enable the affair to continue, by preserving the secret because it was easier and less risky than doing something like telling you.
> 
> That should be something to consider going forward about how this person will be treated in the future. She's shown that she is not willing to do anything risky for your marriage. Then why shoud she be part of it, as she isn't a true friend.


This is a toxic friend to the marriage. She was a friend to your WW but not to you, your marriage, your family. This toxic friend has to be out of your WW's and your lives.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

samatedge said:


> My original post is "Am I Being Played" -
> 
> I found out one of our mutual friends was aware my WW had been "talking" to an OM. Apparently out of guilt, my WW broke down and told her about it early on. But my WW wasn't completely truthful about the amount of time they talked and according to the mutual friend, didn't talk about it again. That was about 1 year ago.
> 
> ...


She was not a friend of the marriage. She was a friend of your wife. She chose your wife over you.

I think this happens a lot. Even when someone does not favor one spouse or the other. They avoid telling. I think this is wrong but I have a different view than most on this stuff.

I would have made you aware.

This person would no longer be my friend and frankly part of my agreement to R would be that she is no longer a freind period. She enabled the affair. Her husband may just be playing dumb but perhaps not.

Some folks live vicariously through other infidelities, but indeed the messenger gets shot. Some would say it is not their business but I say if they are a friend it is. 

Your buddy should now wonder to himself about his wifes character. Is someone not telling him something.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Since she was a mutual friend, she should have told you. I would have.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

She should have told you. She is a weak person.

Being a weak friend is nothing compared to being an unfaithful wife.

So blame and anger agasint the friend is misplaced.


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