# Told her, no more intimacy.



## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Hey,

Backstory: Married 10 years and have a 4d, 2s.

Arranged marriage and a very stormy one at that. We did make out a little bit when we got married in 2004 but actual sex happened in 2006 after her gynecologist cut her hymen.
I don't think the problem was my penis but rather ME. The problem is I am NOT a rapist. So when she would stay STOP it hurts....I did. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

No there as reason for lack of lubrication. There was no Vaginismus. It was just her being who she is. An entitled princess.

Last year things blew up big between us. She said something quite hurtful. I for the first time in my life slapped her. Slapped her a couple of times infact. But considering that I am way stronger than her and the fact that I did not leave even a mark on her, somewhere deep down I believe that even in my worst...I still retained enough restraint.

Its not that I did nothing after this very life changing episode for me. 

We both went to Individual therapy. She refused couples therapy.

My therapist said that it was a huge load of resentment that overflew. She advised me to get change the equation. i went thru 3 very distinct emotions during the course of my therapy. I first blamed my wife. Then I blamed myself for putting up with this. Finally I came to a realization that in Life, things happen. Rather than delve in the past on so many "What If's" its better to take each day as it comes and look for happiness within. This was quite easy once I understood it. I have always been a very happy guy. Even when life beats me down, I usually can smile because of the many things that I have been lucky with.

I spoke with my wife's therapist as well. He told me that there is just one problem with my wife. She thinks she is entitled to everything. That she is so into her own importance there is no way we will ever get her to change.

The reason I am with her is my kids.

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As things kept moving on my wife decided to my surprise to start taking an initiative to make things better. From an almost empty sex life, it slowly progressed to a sex once every 2-3 months. I would never refuse but one incident blew it for me and made me realize just how sorry a state I was in.

Our sex is like a scripted order.
I kiss her. Have to then rub her back. Kiss her neck. Rub my penis on her crotch in a particular manner while she is still wearing something. She cums.
Start intercourse.
We cum.

There is just one problem. I have to wear a condom. I have NO problems with this but as a circumcised man who is healthy, I cannot orgasm in the 2-3 mins of actual sex. Its always missionary btw.

So in Sept last year which is also the last time we had sex, she got very angry and screamed at me saying and I am not lying. "What is wrong with you. Can't you cum. I have already cum 5 times and have to continue."

I cannot ever forget that. One side, I was getting this compliment and on the other hand I was so insulted at the same time. I did not orgasm that night. Its so painful to remember even now that as I type this my throat is paining and I am having difficulty focusing on the screen.

Anyways.
In November, my wife and kids went on a Holiday. They were gone for more than a month while I stayed home. It was my decision. The vacation was at her sisters place in a different country and I completely enjoyed my time alone.
I traveled and spent time pursuing some other hobbies.


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Now that my wife is back she asked me for a back rub. I refused. I did a simple calculation and this is my way of looking at things.
Things will NOT improve.
We might continue having sex 3 times a year for maybe another 10 years.

30 orgasms is not worth the pain of putting up with this attitude.

Took me 10 years to get here.
I am not OK with this anymore.
If being sexless is what is gonna happen, I am doing it on my own terms.

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Over the past few months she has caught up with quite a few of her old friends on WhatsApp.
Some of them give her good advice.

She has slowly started understanding that a husband who works fulltime and still does a lot of stuff around the home is worth caring for.
She knows now getting an Orgasm for a woman in everytime is a great gift.

But then again my wife is without any doubt very very beautiful. So she does have some girlfriends who tell her that her husband(me) should just be happy that I get to be with her and hence I am being ungrateful.

When she told me this, I started laughing in her face.
Because as crazy as it sounds, I told her beauty means nothing to me.
She is not my possession that I expect others to feel jealous of me when I am with her. Their envy means nothing to me.

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About us. I am 36, she is 34.
As mentioned, my wife is incredibly beautiful. Having had two kids she has gone a bit soft in parts and added some weight. But overall she does have a fine sense of fashion and carries herself really well.
Her friends mostly girls praise her beauty to no end.

I am an average guy. No one is ever going to make me into a great looker. I think my wife kind of resents that I have a balding patch that is winning every day. The one thing that I do have is physical strength. I am strong and people who see me, know it.
I have always dressed myself in what I consider comfortable.

In fact the last time we had a friendly argument my wife was sure that there are at least a couple of women in my apartment complex who would gladly sleep with me. Just because of the way I am.

I would NEVER cheat on my wife. Not because I am married. But because I strongly despise it.



Thanks for reading. I just wanted to rant. Would like any advice on me. I am not looking to improve my sex life. I don't think that there will be any change in it.
I found that hope ................that is the most painful of emotions. So I kill it when it starts to stand up.


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

If you , an average guy, can have sex with an “incredibly beautiful woman” that’s having multiple orgasms and not finish, this presumably after months and months of no sex, I would say you must have lost ALL respect for her.
A total loss of respect is not fixed in a few therapy sessions. And in my opinion it would be silly to keep trying to have sex until you sort this all out..For your children I hope you can but it doeasn’t sound good from what you write.
Also, this is one side of the story and I would like to ask you, WHY ON EARTH would any woman want to be with a man who hit her? I would bet a fortune that YOUR attitude has played a major part in this breakdown.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Wow! First off, I know arranged marriages are the norm in many cultures and that both sets of parents put alot of work into finding the 'right' spouse because in these cultures divorce is either not allowed or frowned upon and it also refelects badly on the parents.

However, IMHO, arranged marriages need to be left in the past.

Your marriage certainly sounds as if its one of those where both sets of parents didnt get it right.

I know you stay for your children, just as I and many other Tammers stay in sexless marriages. However, no matter what 'higher being' you believe in, they all want their 'children' to be happy. That includes you and your wife.
If your wife is not prepared to accept her role in life/your culture as being your wife - I am not being sexist...being married means having regular willing and passionate sex with your partner.....then she is not fit to be your wife, a mother and member of society yes, but your/a wife, no.

There are some males who, due to being with a sexless spouse can live like monks and nuns....do you WANT to lead a celibate life because of religious or cultural reasons?
It doesn't sound as if you do.

Maybe not now, but in a few months or even a few years the resentment will build to such a degree that you end up hating your wife.

I can understand why you hit her...you are human...the red mist came down and bang...done. I know its easier said than done, and you know it too, but you should not have lifted a finger against her. You lost the moral high ground. But what happened, happened.

Do what you have to do to ensure YOU are happy too. Being happy is your birthright, whatever your culture or religion.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

To clarify. Hitting her or for that matter hitting anyone is absolutely unpardonable.

I can never take that back. Which is why the first thing I did was seek therapy.

Also lack of sex was NOT the reason for my violence.
It so happened that a kid in my neighborhood had been killed and set on fire in a kidnapping related case. It was horrible and I was very disturbed.

That kids body was found less than a mile from my house on a road that is my daily commute.

On that night, my wife had an argument about my kids nap time. I said cool it. She said she will hurt my daughter. Next thing I know....I was lost.


I am an average Joe. But Givernor you do get over beauty after sometime.

Plus I have never really rated beauty as an attribute of interest. It does not do much for me.

I am typing this while my son is playing with me. They make it worth it.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_Tam,
It sounds like you were the first for her. Yes?
I think you can fix this. Sex is a very strange thing. I married my wife 23 years ago, not because sex was good, but because I loved her. Our sex life was flat out boring for 20 years. It's was VERY difficult to get the kink out of my wife, but I succeeded.
Even if she is an "entitled princess", the fact that she can orgasm several times in just a few minutes tells me that there is more available. How can a woman orgasm 5 times and not be attracted to you?? She IS attracted to you, which I believe is 90% of the problem solved.
I would try to change up your love making technique to a lover and not a f$cker. Take your time and kiss her whole body, go REAL, REAL slow. Don't follow the same routine. Completely dump the routine and make every encounter different, slow and sensual.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

UMP said:


> im_Tam,
> It sounds like you were the first for her. Yes?
> I think you can fix this. Sex is a very strange thing. I married my wife 23 years ago, not because sex was good, but because I loved her. Our sex life was flat out boring for 20 years. It's was VERY difficult to get the kink out of my wife, but I succeeded.
> Even if she is an "entitled princess", the fact that she can orgasm several times in just a few minutes tells me that there is more available. How can a woman orgasm 5 times and not be attracted to you?? She IS attracted to you, which I believe is 90% of the problem solved.
> I would try to change up your love making technique to a lover and not a f$cker. Take your time and kiss her whole body, go REAL, REAL slow. Don't follow the same routine. Completely dump the routine and make every encounter different, slow and sensual.


First for both of us.

I have absolutely no doubt that she loves me a lot. I am also 100% sure that there is NO WAY she would be happy with anyone else except me.

I am just tired of this the exact same thing described by you below.




> I would try to change up your love making technique to a lover and not a f$cker. Take your time and kiss her whole body, go REAL, REAL slow. Don't follow the same routine. Completely dump the routine and make every encounter different, slow and sensual.


^ The exact same thing I do.

And I am not complaining about making her orgasm. I love it. But I am tired of feeding the selfish monster.

There have been periods when she would have had back to back orgasms over a 3-4 day period. And I would be lucky if I get one.

Which is why I named this thread...no more backrubs.
I know her body so well. I can make her Orgasm in less time that it would take me to mastrubate.
I have not been with any other woman and have no plans to either...so whatever blessing or curse it is...she is the only one.


She is a little angry today. Running a very short fuse. But I think she also realizes now that I am done and dusted with it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your solution seems like a great recipe for breeding even more resentment. And won't actually solve anything.

Why did she refuse marriage counseling? 

C


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam said:


> First for both of us.
> 
> I have absolutely no doubt that she loves me a lot. I am also 100% sure that there is NO WAY she would be happy with anyone else except me.
> 
> ...


It sounds like's she has some aversion to the male orgasm. I think it's an acquired taste I would try to cum on her. Let her have her 10 orgasms and even if she takes your penis our of her, finish yourself ON her. Her leg, her stomach, her hand ANYWHERE ON her. At first she will probably scream at you and tell you how GROSS you are. However, in time, given her attraction to you, will learn to love it. Remember, you are both each others first so she has no experience but with you. This is unchartered territory for her. You simply have to TEACH her what you like.
Teach her to love the male orgasm.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

PBear said:


> Your solution seems like a great recipe for breeding even more resentment. And won't actually solve anything.
> 
> Why did she refuse marriage counseling?
> 
> C


PBear:

Right now there is no balance. Its her getting it always because I never refuse.
Now I have said enough. You either stop being selfish or be like me.

I don't think I or she will gain anything. But I am done working for free.


Counselling because she feels that change is not necessary. I mean why would she if she has a guy who never asks and never refuses.
I am now done. Either we both be happy or neither will be.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

UMP said:


> It sounds like's she has some eversion to the male orgasm. I think it's an acquired taste I would try to cum on her. Let her have her 10 orgasms and even if she takes your penis our of her, finish yourself ON her. Her leg, her stomach, her hand ANYWHERE ON her. At first she will probably scream at you and tell you how GROSS you are. However, in time, given her attraction to you, will learn to love it. Remember, you are both each others first so she has no experience but with you. This is unchartered territory for her. You simply have to TEACH her what you like.
> Teach her to love the male orgasm.


I have never thought of doing this.
Honestly this a little scary because this is completely uncharted territory for me.

She has sometimes refused me sex after our initial foreplay saying that she just wants to remain in that zone. I know its because she does not want to then have to get up and clean up. I am talking of the time when we were having sex without protection.
I also know that the day she has washed her hair...there is no possibility of any sex for the next two days atleast.
She washes her hair every 5 days. Muslims by faith so a full bath after sex is mandatory.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam said:


> I have never thought of doing this.
> Honestly this a little scary because this is completely uncharted territory for me.
> 
> She has sometimes refused me sex after our initial foreplay saying that she just wants to remain in that zone. I know its because she does not want to then have to get up and clean up. I am talking of the time when we were having sex without protection.
> ...


Take a deep breath, and cum on her. She may hit you and run screaming to clean up in the next room, however, you have just planted a seed. I call it a "kink" seed. I have this fetish on cumming on my wifes face, a "facial". I tried for years to "talk" my wife into it. BAD IDEA. You cannot TALK or convince your wife to do anything sexual. That's just lame. So, one day I just did it. It grossed her out and she looked at me like I was from mars. Now, some times, she ACTUALLY asks me to cum on her face. You need to plant sexual seeds here and there. Let the "seed" grow in her mind. She will start thinking about how gross it was and then slowly but surely she will think to herself "that was kind of gross, but kind of sexy too." Voila! 

I remember as a young boy seeing my first girly magazine with a woman spread wide open, my first look at a full vagina in all it's hairy glory with lips and all. It grossed me out for a full day or two. After that, I could not get enough of it !!


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

UMP: I can't tell if you are joking or serious.

Let me see IF in case I do have sex with her..will try something like this.
If nothing but to break the monotony.

This is so like a scene from the movie Choke with the rape fetish.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Doing anything she has asked you not to do is not a good way to build a healthy relationship. Do not just ejaculate on her body without her consent. Loss of trust will kill any chance of fixing things. 

Also-
She knows now getting an Orgasm for a woman in everytime is a great gift.

eh... I disagree. An orgasm every time for her should be an expectation, not something extra. Her not feeling the same about yours is an issue but don't treat her getting an O as a great gift. That won't go over very well  

Can you switch so you get yours first then she does? That way you know she won't back out before your turn?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam, 
I have a feeling, hiding inside your wife, is a vixen ready to explode. Try to be as kind and reasonable as possible, because it WILL be difficult at first. There WILL be some rejection and it WILL be difficult for her. Women, especially women like your wife, cannot fathom the deviant male mind. It is your job as her husband to teach and direct but ALWAY BE KIND AND MINDFUL of her femininity and lack of experience with ANYONE but you.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Do not just ejaculate on her body without her consent. Loss of trust will kill any chance of fixing things.


I respectfully disagree. He's been married 10 years and he has NEVER cum on her body?!?! In my experience, the mere asking for something sexual to a wife is a BIG turnoff (for her). I'm not talking about rape here. I'm talking about giving her some kind of visual on the male orgasm. Hell, it took him MONTHS just to get his penis in her fully. How is he supposed to get "consent" on something she finds disgusting? If it was up to her, they probably NEVER would have had sex, EVER.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

UMP said:


> I respectfully disagree. He's been married 10 years and he has NEVER cum on her body?!?! In my experience, the mere asking for something sexual to a wife is a BIG turnoff (for her). I'm not talking about rape here. I'm talking about giving her some kind of visual on the male orgasm. Hell, it took him MONTHS just to get his penis in her fully. How is he supposed to get "consent" on something she finds disgusting? If it was up to her, they probably NEVER would have had sex, EVER.


We debated this I believe in another thread of yours but no consent= no doing it. If you can't talk to your wife about sex and what you want, if you can't get consent for sex acts that are important to you, then you need to rethink the relationship. 
Doing something she has said no to is never ok and shouldn't be 
given as an option. 

You can make communicating about sex fun, sexy and a turn ON.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> We debated this I believe in another thread of yours but no consent= no doing it. If you can't talk to your wife about sex and what you want, if you can't get consent for sex acts that are important to you, then you need to rethink the relationship.
> Doing something she has said no to is never ok and shouldn't be
> given as an option.
> 
> You can make communicating about sex fun, sexy and a turn ON.


Ok. I use myself as an example here:

1. Me for 20 years, varying different scenarios with varied times, settings and locations. Asked probably over 100 times: "honey, I really want to cum on your face, it's something I have wanted to do for years." Wifes response, "you are sick and perverted !! Do other men think like this? Men are the scum of the earth and deviant. NO, you may not cum on my face."

2. Me for the last 2 years. Doggy style, swing around and blast. Wifes response. She did not say anything, but looked at me like I had just taken a dump on her face. Went to the bathroom and cleaned up. Comes back and says "why do you have to turn making love into something dirty?".......Time goes by, I say nothing about it, then one day she asks me while I'm PIV, "do you want to cum on my face?"

Which one of those two scenarios do you think works?
BTW: I am having the best sex of my life, 23 years in. (and so is she)


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Honestly, I don't care if it worked for you. Doing something without consent and when it's been clearly told NO is never ok and shouldn't be advocated.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

UMP:

I know you mean well. But honestly...I have no big thing about where my ejaculate ends up.

I also don't grudge the amount of time I spent on her making her feel good.

I loved and still love every moment. But I am tired of her selfishness. That is where I am pissed and burnt.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Honestly, I don't care if it worked for you. Doing something without consent and when it's been clearly told NO is never ok and shouldn't be advocated.


OK. So if I am im_tams. I get married and my wife says, "thanks, but no thanks" I do not think sex is part of marriage. No sex for you.
Does he:
1. Lives as she wishes and dies 50 years later never having sex with her.
2. Asks till he's blue in the face, she still says no sex. Dies 50 years later never having sex with her.
3. Divorces her after he can't take it anymore.
4. Kindly and methodically introduces sex to her in a loving way.
That's all I'm saying. He needs to introduce certain things in his sex life. 

The first time I came on my wifes face, she certainly had the time, ability and oportunity to stand up or turn her head. It's not like I had her tied down and immobile. If she chose, she could have forced the issue and NOT allowed me. She chose to allow it and now finds it fun.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam said:


> UMP:
> 
> I know you mean well. But honestly...I have no big thing about where my ejaculate ends up.
> 
> ...


I'm just using that as an example. Getting her used to what YOU want and need. What is a small sexual thing that YOU would like?


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

It is a personal decision but I know for me, no sex was dramatically better than almost no sex. It freed me. I stopped wondering if or when. We got along better and I stopped resenting her.

Now it is still making the best out of a very bad situation but when you have kids its not about you and sometimes life just sucks. 

And you need to do it for the right reasons because if you do it hoping to change anything about her or make her feel any particular way you will simply continue resenting her and if you have anger control issues that will be a problem. Even if she indicates a willingness to have sex you can't, or you will be right back to where you were. 

People change so you shouldn't close the door to her entirely. Be open to discussing it if she were to willing to have a serious discussion , but at this point the determination to change has to come from her.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

@Lionelhutz:

I find this NO instead of Almost NO much better for my mood and happiness.

The change if any is something that I want to come from her. I am not going to do anything about this.

UMP: Thanks. But I am not and I mean absolutely not going to be asking her to have sex with me. If she tries to then again there is no way I am doing the stuff I have always done.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam said:


> @Lionelhutz:
> 
> I find this NO instead of Almost NO much better for my mood and happiness.
> 
> ...


OK.
Let's do a little role play. I am your wife.

"honey, I feel that something is wrong, and feel that you are unaprochable. What is wrong?"


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Honestly, I don't care if it worked for you. Doing something without consent and when it's been clearly told NO is never ok and shouldn't be advocated.


Let me give you another example. Let's say you have asked your wife a million times to do anal. "No, NO, NO, NO"
Instead of giving up, try something else. You PIV from behind, you use your fingers and SLOWLY introduce a small digit in her anus. She starts to moan in pleasure. You finish PIV.

Next time, same thing but you introduce a larger digit, she gives out a bigger moan.

Next time, you introduce a very small "butt plug" she moans and starts rocking back and forth asking for more.

Next time, you slowly introduce the tip of your penis....so on and so forth. This time line could take months to accomplish.

I am saying to ask with "actions" not words. Not actions that would be construed as "rape", actions that emit a kind loving husband who wants to give his wife pleasure beyond her current understanding and knowledge.

BTW: LOT'S O LUBE !!


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

UMP: She knows exactly what is wrong. I have made it very clear in no uncertain language.

We don't sleep in the same room.

She sleeps with the kids and I sleep in the adjacent room.

I prefer it this way and moved out some 2-3 years back. Since there is no possibility of anything at night, I don't miss not sleeping next to her.

Also I just remembered. She sometimes tells me that she is in the mood during afternoon.
Yeah right. I have a full time job in which I am expected to be at office.

This is a snippet of a chat at night:.

00:26 - her: Not slept?
00:27 - me: No
00:27 - me: You awake?
00:27 - me: Why
00:28 - her: Too many people chatting
00:28 - me: ðŸ‘�
00:28 - her: You think it is better to part?
00:28 - her: What do you want?
00:29 - me: I want a equal relationship
00:29 - her: Meaning?
00:29 - me: It's not
00:30 - her: These are not answers to my questions
00:30 - me: You know exactly what I mean
00:30 - her: You think we're should part?
00:30 - her: Do you want to part?
00:30 - me: No
00:31 - me: But I am not gonna ever be intimate with you
00:31 - me: Till I believe
00:31 - her: Then?
00:31 - me: That it's on equal
00:31 - her: And for that?
00:31 - me: It's currently not
00:31 - her: What are the grounds?
00:32 - me: I am not interested in giving you back rubs
00:32 - her: Why not
00:32 - me: Just not
00:32 - her: Coz it makes me happy?
00:33 - her: Coz you don't get rubs?
00:33 - me: Coz I get Nothing
00:33 - me: Yes
00:33 - me: What do I get
00:34 - me: Why should I
00:34 - me: With nothing to gain or lose
00:34 - her: Ok
00:34 - me: Why should I even bother
00:35 - her: Ok


Btw the time right now is 1 AM in my city. She usually goes to sleep with the kids at 10 PM. Sometimes stays awake to chat with her friends on fb.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

im_tam said:


> On that night, my wife had an argument about my kids nap time. I said cool it. She said she will hurt my daughter. Next thing I know....I was lost.
> 
> 
> .


She would hurt your daughter??? What was she going to do?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam said:


> UMP: She knows exactly what is wrong. I have made it very clear in no uncertain language.
> 
> We don't sleep in the same room.
> 
> ...


Have you told her EXACTLY what you want? I mean EXACTLY?
No smoke and mirrors here. Does she know EXACLTY what you want?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

im_tam said:


> 00:26 - her: Not slept?
> 00:27 - me: No
> 00:27 - me: You awake?
> 00:27 - me: Why
> ...


This is not very clear. You need to tell her what you need. Don't make it dramatic - i.e- "cause I get nothing" just stick to the facts. 
"It upsets me when_______" be as specific as possible, give examples then give her a chance to speak. 
When she asks you a question, answer it. 
"You know what I mean" isn't an answer

And ump- No means no. Suggesting anything else is dangerous and could have serious consequences. If you want to take that risk in your own life then that's you. I can not get behind telling another man to do the same. It's not really relevant here though anyway.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> She would hurt your daughter??? What was she going to do?


I really don't want to go there. She said something unpleasant and she knows better than to try it again.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

What do I want and she knows this very well.

1. Sex where I am not running a clock on how soon I can finish my own orgasm.
2. Sex where I am not worried that there is a minor chance that my penis in the heat of the moment could exit her vagina fully.
3. Sex where she is able to hold a little position better. Where I am not just in-charge of penetration but also careful enough that she will not get pushed into the wall.
4. That she will exercise a little so as to gain some strength. We have Missionary period, because Miss Beautiful cannot squat for more than a minute.
5. Sex in the night.


She knows and is well aware of these points.

She used to promise change. But I know better that to trust her words now.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> And ump- No means no. Suggesting anything else is dangerous and could have serious consequences. If you want to take that risk in your own life then that's you. I can not get behind telling another man to do the same. It's not really relevant here though anyway.


I will tell you this. If there is one thing I have learned in my 23 year marriage it's NOT to talk about sex, ad nauseam. If I had to pick ONE thing that would completely tank my wifes sex drive it would be talking about my sexual desires with her. However, I have NEVER in my life forced ANY woman to do something or put her in a position where she could not get out of or refuse said act.
For me:
Asking for sex acts = whinny, needy husband= crappy sex.
Actually trying different sexual things in a kind, loving, patient way = incredible sex life.
Although it did take me 20 years to figure this out. Better late than never, I say.
Proceed as you wish.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

im_tam said:


> What do I want and she knows this very well.
> 
> 1. Sex where I am not running a clock on how soon I can finish my own orgasm.
> 2. Sex where I am not worried that there is a minor chance that my penis in the heat of the moment could exit her vagina fully.
> ...


Are there some compromises that can happen? You going first then her having an O might also help with the time limit issue. 

There are positions that aren't missionary but still don't need strength. She can go on top but lay on you while you both help to move, might be more comfortable and doesn't burn the thighs as much IME, or on your sides, like spooning.

Maybe move down to the middle of the bed so she's not bumping on anything. 

You might get more progress if you meet each other half way.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam said:


> What do I want and she knows this very well.
> 
> 1. Sex where I am not running a clock on how soon I can finish my own orgasm.
> 2. Sex where I am not worried that there is a minor chance that my penis in the heat of the moment could exit her vagina fully.
> ...


All that does not seem at all unreasonable, to me. Instead of getting upset and closing her off completely, I would keep trying. You have to understand, if you go in this with anger, and resentlment your wife WILL NOT open up to you. RELAX. Don't shut down, keep trying in a KIND, LOVING way. It sounds like she loves you but has a myriad of "hangups." It's up to you to show her the way, slowly, and with patience.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Hmm.

Let me hold on to this complete denial from my side. I would like her to work on things. This is the atlas shrugged state of my mind.

She knows tam and she knows my id. I have mentioned threads here and told her how I felt reading it. But never had she asked me for a link.
Let her take the first step.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

im_tam said:


> Hmm.
> 
> Let me hold on to this complete denial from my side. I would like her to work on things. This is the atlas shrugged state of my mind.
> 
> ...


Interesting!
Assume she has read every single one of your posts.
I think you're both going to be just fine !
Although she's probably thinking to herself, "that UMP guy is a letch!"


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

im_tam said:


> Hmm.
> 
> Let me hold on to this complete denial from my side. I would like her to work on things. This is the atlas shrugged state of my mind.
> 
> ...


and if she doesn't? I know it feels unfair to do your work and hers too but some people just won't ever take the initiative to fix things on their own. Waiting for her to take the first step could just get you stuck in a 'who can be more stubborn' deadlock and no one gets what they want.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

UMP said:


> Interesting!
> Assume she has read every single one of your posts.
> I think you're both going to be just fine !
> Although she's probably thinking to herself, "that UMP guy is a letch!"



Don't worry. She is not going to spend time and browse here.




SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> and if she doesn't? I know it feels unfair to do your work and hers too but some people just won't ever take the initiative to fix things on their own. Waiting for her to take the first step could just get you stuck in a 'who can be more stubborn' deadlock and no one gets what they want.


I have mentioned multiple times about the forum. But stopped sharing links for pertinent threads as I suspected she does not read them.
Now I do mention threads but no longer give a link. If she wants then she will come and ask me.
She does not.

I am beyond caring.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Sadly, there are women (and men, though fewer) for whom sex is simply not important. These people should never get married.

Marriage is a sacred thing...its the formation of a union, a team. A team in which both work together for the good of each other and the good of the team. Sex with your partner is an important part of that union.
When you make your marriage vows you are accepting ALL 'parts' of marriage, including sex.

You cannot say 'I accept to look after him in sickness and in health, I expect him to be faithfull to me but I do not accept that I have to have a sexual relationship with him'.

You say 'I do' to the whole package.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I don't think she expects me to be faithful to her. I am because I am an idiot.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

IM-tam:

A few thoughts.

First, I tend to agree with your overall approach. Crappy sex 3 to 4 times a year is just not worth your sanity.

Second, regarding the slapping incident, you obviously messed up. I'm not sure how it works in your culture, but in the west that would be a trump card your wife would pull out on you for the rest of your lives. I would bet that you became a different person in her eyes the moment you did that. There is no going back and I would bet she has a list of behaviors that she justifies to herself because you did that. She will probably never let that go.

Third, not clear what your culture's stance is on divorce or adultery. I am guessing they're not looked on kindly.

I think one or the other is inevitable though. 

Why are you ruling out divorce?


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

The morning after I slapped her. I called her sister. I went to the psychiatrist recommend by her.

Everyone in her family would without exception side with me. I know the times my fil pulls her out on bad behavior.

Divorce... Hmm. I do love her. But I don't want to be with her. Does it make sense.

Adultery is easy. A working girl would be less than a phone call away given some folks I know. But I cannot do it.
I just can't. Damn I can't even cheat on my taxes.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

It doesn't matter why you did it or whether anyone agrees you were justified. No matter what she did to you, you could have walked away. So you did screw up. I think you know this, but you're not 100 pct accepting it.

My point though is that this is a screw up on a major scale that she'll probably never really let go of. Whatever your complaints against her, she'll always have this to fall back on as an explanation that you're a bad guy.

In other words, you are operating from a structural deficit in this relationship.

Your strategy of withdrawal is understandable from a personal presevation standpoint, but it will do nothing to repair this structural damage.

Look ahead to what the endgame of your strategy is. Two adults living completely separate lives in the same house, with no intimacy or connection.

Why is that better than divorce?


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Anon1111 said:


> It doesn't matter why you did it or whether anyone agrees you were justified. No matter what she did to you, you could have walked away. So you did screw up. I think you know this, but you're not 100 pct accepting it.
> 
> My point though is that this is a screw up on a major scale that she'll probably never really let go of. Whatever your complaints against her, she'll always have this to fall back on as an explanation that you're a bad guy.
> 
> ...



I did screw up.
I have no doubt about it. No matter the build up or the immediate provocation...nothing justifies what I did.

I did blame myself very heavily in the first few days but it was my sessions with my psychiatrist that helped me forgive myself.

Without taking away the absolute horribleness of what I did. I would like to just say that I have put up with a lot of non-sense.
Being a one-sided discussion giving her no way to explain her side of things, all I will say is. I screwed up and hope I never again snap like that.

About the endgame of my strategy.
I have a very interesting life. Not only do I have a job that I enjoy and earn well in, but I have a couple of hobbies that are way more satisfying than I can explain.

I do a couple of things part time that don't pay me anything but provide amazing experiences. The kind that most can only dream about. It would be difficult for me to be in my anonymous mode if I say more.
But I have a charmed life that this me feel its some sort of cosmic balance game/joke played on me.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

So your plan is to just be celebate and hope that your work and hobbies are enough of a distraction?

You're in your mid/late 30s and you plan to maintain this for 40+ yrs?

Seems unlikely to me.

Not saying I don't understand your position-- I'm just trying to point out the gaps in logic.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Anon1111 said:


> Not saying I don't understand your position-- I'm just trying to point out the gaps in logic.


Not that long. Once my kids are older...I am leaving this.

My son is still a baby.
Let them grow up and get busy with their lives.
Say about 13-14 years from now.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

13-14 years?

OK-- so, you'll be 50. Then you decide it's OK to leave.

What will you have given up? 

Right now, you could probably land a young, attractive woman. Or several. 

When you're 50, what will your options be?

Why are you willing to give up the prime of your life? Serious question.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I don't KNOW.

I ASK MYSELF THIS EVERY SINGLE TIME I LOOK IN THE MIRROR. I DONT KNOW.

I LOOK AT A MOVIE WITH SOME ROMANCE AND I FEEL THE EMPTINESS INSIDE ME BURN ITS WAY UP SO BAD IT HURTS.

I DONT KNOW.
AND THAT IS AS HONEST AS IT GETS.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Dude-- I know exactly how you feel.

What you feel is not wrong.

The question is why you just accept it has to be this way.

Fix it or get out. Those are the only real options.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I have always been such a private person that even my parents have no clue what is going on with me in this.

I speak to my dad like at least once a week and with my mom on a daily basis.

My wife went thru a lot of treatment for poly cystic ovaries. A treatment that took a lot of time and effort.
I was with er at every doctor appointment. Waiting outside in my car just so its easier for her. She does not drive and I would rather be there than have her rely on a cab.

For some treatments that needed her to be in admitted in the hospital for a day or two. I handled them all on my own.

This also cost a bit of money but I never ever cared for that.

When the nurses came to give her an enema...I even cleaned her up. Never once did I think about it as gross or anything.

For people who question me on my slapping her. To just give the buildup of my life.
We were staying with her parents and after a treatment at a hospital, which we did not tell them. We checked into a hotel.
I had been by her side the whole day. She was sleeping and I tired from the whole day was watching TV. She woke up and got angry that I am relaxing while she is in pain. Then proceeded to jump of the building.

Can you even understand how it goes on a guy.

Her psychiatrist who met me later actually assured me after evaluating her that she is a manipulator who would never do such a thing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


I need to move out. Writing this shows me this very clearly. I need to move out.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I had spoken to my wife about this thread. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/223314-how-can-i-get-my-husband-understand.html

I had told her how much I identified myself with the Husband in that story. My wife did not ask for the url. She did not bother to do anything about it.

I told her that the Husband in that thread has filed for divorce.
She said do you want to do it to.

I asked if she was blind as could she not see how unhappy I am.
How worn out I am.

She still did not ask me for the url.

I am moving out of this house. Will find some hostel sort of place closer to my work place. I am done.

I am 36 years old. I earn quite well. She can keep the house. There are a few years left for the mortage. I will pay for it. I have no need for money. God has given me enough.

I may or may remarry. I may or may not ever have sex again.
But I am reclaiming my life. I am not going to be part of my own killing.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

So we spent our time chatting today.
She started it.

Another round of promises but with a guarantee that something every 10 days.

I have made it clear that I need more than the standard script. It would be so easy to walk away if only I did not still lover her.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Givernor said:


> If you , an average guy, can have sex with an “incredibly beautiful woman” that’s having multiple orgasms and not finish, this presumably after months and months of no sex, I would say you must have lost ALL respect for her.
> A total loss of respect is not fixed in a few therapy sessions. And in my opinion it would be silly to keep trying to have sex until you sort this all out..For your children I hope you can but it doeasn’t sound good from what you write.
> Also, this is one side of the story and I would like to ask you, WHY ON EARTH would any woman want to be with a man who hit her? I would bet a fortune that YOUR attitude has played a major part in this breakdown.





Givernor said:


> If you , an average guy, can have sex with an “incredibly beautiful woman” that’s having multiple orgasms and not finish, this presumably after months and months of no sex, I would say you must have lost ALL respect for her.
> A total loss of respect is not fixed in a few therapy sessions. And in my opinion it would be silly to keep trying to have sex until you sort this all out..For your children I hope you can but it doeasn’t sound good from what you write.
> Also, this is one side of the story and I would like to ask you, WHY ON EARTH would any woman want to be with a man who hit her? I would bet a fortune that YOUR attitude has played a major part in this breakdown.


Hmmm. Three minutes with a condom is not enough time to finish.

Yes, hitting her is wrong and he has tons of resentment. On the other side, refusing to have sex with her and setting her straight when she claimed he should feel lucky to just be near her are good moves.

These are symptoms, however. The base issue is the arrangement of their marriage. Who the hell does that these days? Presumably the families that arranged this knew something about each other, and entitlement issues like that come from upbringing. With the benefit of life experience, who would arrange for their son to arrange someone so selfish?

Something does not add up here.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> eh... I disagree. An orgasm every time for her should be an expectation, not something extra.


Not when she limits foreplay to rubbing her over her clothes and actual sex to three minutes of missionary.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

im_tam said:


> So we spent our time chatting today.
> She started it.
> 
> Another round of promises but with a guarantee that something every 10 days.
> ...


That might be a good start to get her used to regular sex and then build up from there. But, to make this work long term she must buy-in that your sexual happiness is in her best interest.

Oddly, what made the issue crystal clear is an MBA class I took (although a marriage is an organization, but I digress). Imagine someone at your job who just isn't into doing a good job. If he needs a job he will work but somewhat unevenly.

OTOH, look at a second person who does do a good job. Maybe he loves the job. Or, maybe he is career-oriented and wants to advance. Or, maybe he simply takes pride in doing a good job. Either way, this guy is aligned with his employer because he is happier when he does well.

My concern is that your wife is like the first person in the above scenario. She is guaranteeing sex only after you had announced your intent to leave her, and even at that only every 10 days. Is she going to improve the variety of sex she provides or the level of passion?

You need to get her to get over herself - to not see herself as the prize more than you. And that in turn means her getting rid of her princess mentality. If you don't do that, you won't get to the point where she sees a good sex life as valuable to her. It will be one more chore to be done as efficiently as possible.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

10 day sla. Not worth the effort.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

A few things likely affecting your sex life:

1. You sound like (from the way you've spoken about her in this thread) you have no respect for your wife.

2. You hit your wife and seem to have recovered from any guilt or remorse fairly easily and quickly. 

3. Your wife has poly-cystic ovarian syndrome or at least cystic ovaries. Both conditions can make PIV sex and even clitoral orgasms (as they cause uterine contractions) excruciatingly painful. Picture a blade being thrust repeatedly into your scrotum and testicles... this sensation for those suffering with PCOS or even just ovarian cysts is often made WORSE with girl on top and squatting or doggy-style and deep-thrusting positions. 

4. When asked what you wished could change, there was NOTHING, not even a hint to making sex more enjoyable, pleasurable or orgasmic for your wife. Every point was all about you. Is there any concern or want for her pleasure?


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

DTO said:


> These are symptoms, however. The base issue is the arrangement of their marriage. Who the hell does that these days? Presumably the families that arranged this knew something about each other, and entitlement issues like that come from upbringing. With the benefit of life experience, who would arrange for their son to arrange someone so selfish?
> 
> Something does not add up here.


Its quite the norm for marriages in my family. Have two cousin who are the only exceptions.
And no they did not get married to each other. 




WorkingOnMe said:


> 10 day sla. Not worth the effort.


She promises more. In fact in the chat we had last time and funny thing chatting is much easier than face-to-face talking. She signed off saying that she will work on this.





Miss Taken said:


> A few things likely affecting your sex life:
> 
> 1. You sound like (from the way you've spoken about her in this thread) you have no respect for your wife.
> 
> ...


#1: I am very very frustrated. Maybe that makes me sound like that.
#2: I hit her last year in Jan '14. A lot of counselling and therapy has passed.
#3: She comes. She comes so easily. It is so much like a clockwork. I can do this, this and this and its done. I don't think I can do it with anyone else. But my wife.........I know the exact buttons.
#4: How do you think I got to #3 without paying very close attention to her. I know her every breath. I know her every heartbeat. I know the shiver that runs down her spine. You could tear out my eyes but I can still see her skin change as the hair raises on her back.

I know went dramatic in my answer to point 4 but maybe just maybe you can understand how much i am into her and WHY THIS IS SO PAINFUL.


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## gumtree (Jun 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Ok. I use myself as an example here:
> 
> 1. Me for 20 years, varying different scenarios with varied times, settings and locations. Asked probably over 100 times: "honey, I really want to cum on your face, it's something I have wanted to do for years." Wifes response, "you are sick and perverted !! Do other men think like this? Men are the scum of the earth and deviant. NO, you may not cum on my face."
> 
> ...


I'm sorry, I'm just reading this thread and had to log in to say as a woman I find that very hot. In fact I sent my boyfriend a text to suggest he try it. Maybe OP needs to just be more selfish in the bedroom himself. Anyway...back to the real thread issues of respect and selfishness...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

So, your wife has threatened to harm her own child, throw herself off a building, and refuses to let you finish when having sex because, what, you are taking too long?

It sounds like your wife might have some mental issues. Either that or she is very, very resentful of you for some reason we don't know. Are you a kind, pleasant person to her and others? Do you pay attention to her when sex isn't on the table? Be affectionate in non sexual ways? Text her just to say I love you? 

I have never heard of a woman not wanting her man to finish and just expecting he'd be ok with that after she has received multiple orgasms....something is not normal about that way of thinking. Does she know this? (I don't recommend telling her she's not normal, but I wonder if she thinks that is OK?)

I'd stop with the chatting/IMing as a means of communication. My situation is very different from yours....divorced after 14 years of marriage and now we're back together trying to make it work. One of the things we resolved to do was to STOP only communicating via IM and emails (it was "easier," especially for me to write it all out) and communicate face to face. Can't say it's going swimmingly for us, but I do think it's important.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

The last few hours were spent listening to her telling me:

1. If I was ok for a decade...why do I feel change is needed.
2. So many people are in unhappy marriages. Should they also divorce.
3. That our kids are too young.
4. That sex is such a trivial thing and I am being an ass.
5. I am giving importance to something so cheap as sex.
6. That I should talk to my mom and seek her advice.
7. How the minute people know she is divorced there will be a huge line of potential suitors.
8. I am gay.
9. How when she told her friends she wants a divorce, everyone is supportive but asking her to calm down and give it time.
10. That no one is speaking ill about me and feel that she needs to be calm.

She then kept talking with my 4d asking how will she like it if mom and dad lived in different houses. This went on for sometime but as I was not paying any attention and ignored it, it stopped.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Bringing your daughter into the fight is low.

Were you really just listening or were you responding? Be honest.

I find it hard to believe she was just hurling these insults at you while you just stood there.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

im_tam said:


> The last few hours were spent listening to her telling me:
> 
> 1. If I was ok for a decade...why do I feel change is needed.
> 2. So many people are in unhappy marriages. Should they also divorce.
> ...



Irreconcilable Differences - Tell her that the reason you want a divorce is because she feels sex in marriage is cheap and trivial and that you feel it is very important to a happy and fullfilling marriage.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Anon1111 said:


> Bringing your daughter into the fight is low.
> 
> Were you really just listening or were you responding? Be honest.
> 
> I find it hard to believe she was just hurling these insults at you while you just stood there.



We were not fighting.
She was talking and I was thinking about my work. Thankfully today was a tough day at work and I had enough inside my head to blot her out.

My response was however that I might be moving out to some nearby apartment. We can split custody for starters. I keep kids for 3 days, she has them for 4.





SadSamIAm said:


> Irreconcilable Differences - Tell her that the reason you want a divorce is because she feels sex in marriage is cheap and trivial and that you feel it is very important to a happy and fullfilling marriage.


That pretty much sums up what I told her.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Wow, she just called you gay and you just listened? Just a calm conversation where she said you like men? That is bizarre. I would have had to walk away at that point. 

I think your plan regarding separation sounds appropriate.

Don't talk about it any more with her, there's no point.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Anon1111 said:


> Wow, she just called you gay and you just listened? Just a calm conversation where she said you like men? That is bizarre. I would have had to walk away at that point.
> 
> I think your plan regarding separation sounds appropriate.
> 
> Don't talk about it any more with her, there's no point.


I can't sleep. But this is normal. 

I don't consider being called gay or that men-like-men as an insult.
Its a stupid thing to say to someone you know is not gay. But I don't consider it an insult.

Everything she says is just making it seem more and more easier for me to disengage.
Does this make sense.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

im_tam said:


> I can't sleep. But this is normal.
> 
> I don't consider being called gay or that men-like-men as an insult.
> Its a stupid thing to say to someone you know is not gay. But I don't consider it an insult.
> ...


lol, I thought the same thing. I'd probably have just raised my eyebrows and smirked at her. 

I think your wife is a bit of a loose cannon and you're probably right to just.not.engage.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I just remembered one other thing. She said that if I left her then she any other man she finds afterwards will not be as intelligent as me. 
That when alone she will have both men and women trying to be with her.
I just smiled and said maybe this would let get live out get fantasies.

She replied that her biggest grouse was that I would still find a way to be happy.

She has said this before. That my ability to be happy pisses her more than anything.

She has been talking a lot of nonsense. I feel she is a little unhinged and wants a fight. I am not giving it to her.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Right, ignore her.

She is overestimating the number of quality men who will put up with over-entitled frigid princesses.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

im_tam said:


> I just remembered one other thing. She said that if I left her then she any other man she finds afterwards will not be as intelligent as me.
> That when alone she will have both men and women trying to be with her.
> I just smiled and said maybe this would let get live out get fantasies.
> 
> ...


When she tells you how so many people will want to be with her when you leave, just tell her that they won't stay long once she admits her husband left her because she doesn't believe sex is important in a relationship.

Actually on second thought, best not to say anything. Maybe just chuckle a bit.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Alimony generally ends after re-marriage. Best that she finds another sucker so don't go giving any advice about being truthful with the next partner.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Back to something you said earlier about being Muslim and having to shower after sex every time, but she doesn't wash her hair but every 5 days. Does that mean she doesn't typically shower every day, so she's usually having sex after not showering for a couple days? Could this be part of why she's not totally into it? I wouldn't be! I could not have sex after not showering for two days.....


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If sex is trivial then why can't she just do it? If it's trivial then you should also be able to do it with others. Why does she think it's been ok the last 10 years?


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

And you think this will never happen to you.

I removed her phone from the charger to connect mine. Found a whastapp message from her to a friend telling about some guy who was interested in her.

I had two options. One ignore and lay low. But I obviously can't do the smart thing.

Major flareup for me.

Checked her phone but she had deleted all old messages. A very foul taste in my mouth.

I confronted her. She says that there is no attachment. Just that he has been fishing around.
That she did not tell me because she was scared of a reaction from me.

I call BS.

I called up the guy and told him to back off. I don't think he will contact again. But he may or may not. I am beyond reckoning here.

I am not going back home today.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

How do you know who the guy is?


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> How do you know who the guy is?


There was a picture in that post to her friend.

My wife has been messaging me quite a lot saying I am making a lot of nothing. That this guy and she were only chatting basic hi-bye kind of stuff. That he apologized most probably because he is a spineless man. 

I just came back to office after meeting my psychiatrist. When I went over the entire sequence she also feels that there is no substantial proof or evidence about an EA.
That most probably my wife was only boasting to her friends.

I don't know what to do. I am planning on a long drive out to meet an old friend. Some 400 miles away. Will help clear my head and since he lives in a very empty countryside, will be able to spend time thinking.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Later that night I went back home. I slept and woke up and found her awake.

We spoke. She was crying a lot and telling me that the whole conversation between them was less than anything beyond what you do with a known acquaintance. 

I am very sure that I caught this before anything had happened. An old friend of my wife had once cheated on her husband. She is now living in absolute misery. She was also a confidante of my wife. She told my wife that she must cut this man out. That her own misery was a result of not having understood how letting in a toxic person can ruin. I think my wife was just a little naive and since there was not much time for that toxic man we were very lucky.

Anyways I went out a long road trip. Had a lot of time for both of us to think.

Both of us will attend martial counselling.

In a way this reaction of mine seems to have some how proved to her that she means a lot to me. That I actually love her a lot. Of course the day to day actions of taking care of her every need did not. But one round of severe reaction and she gets it.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

Maybe your wife doesn't love you anymore and no matter how much she tries to change for you, she will not be able to do it.

Or maybe she never loved you and she is bored with your sex life, with her life even tough she tries not to. And what's worse is the fact in this whole story she is making you the villain, and in her eyes it's your fault for everything even for wanting a basic thing, fundamental thing and that is sexual fulfilment .

I'm sorry for you but she will not gona change, and she wants to make you stay with her in her own terms , you being the villain . 

You should propose to her to have sex with a random chick to demonstrate to her that you are not gay. She was very rude to say that, it's appalling .

I wish you all the best


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