# Timing and sensitivity over her orgasm



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Orgasms for my wife have always been a struggle. It was not until last few months that I was able to give her an O for the first time in our 14yr relationship. We are both open and communicative in bed so I know when I find her spot and I just stick to it and hold on.

We have found ourselves in a little predicament as far as when she is able to have her orgasm. If we do it before we have intercourse, it really wears her out and she is a bit too sensitive to have intercourse. However, if we wait until after, she is over stimulated through intercourse and not sensitive enough to have an orgasm. 

Is she stuck with having an O a la carte and not followed by or following intercourse? Has anyone ever run into this?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

She's not as open as you think she is. Something is making her uncomfortable about letting go in front of you.

I'll bet she has no problem whatsoever having an orgasm when she is alone.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Actually it is not that easy for he when she tries herself. In fact, the other day I was not able to get her there orally or manually after we had sex, she was not sensitive enough. Then she tried her toys and they did not work either. It is no problem before sex. 

She was really open last time too. She told me to try faster, slower, here...there, deeper, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Little update. So we tried again and this time we were both patient and she was able to O after we had sex. It was very difficult for her she had lost a bit of sensitivity from intercourse. Not sure if anyone else has run into this.

Even after her O, she said it was not worth the effort. That is another topic of discussion. I cannot imagine an O not worth the effort. This has come up before, she says her Os are not very intense and it takes a lot of physical and mental work to get there. She says she could do without them. She also compares her Os to mine and says I get much more out of it. Now I do REALLY play up my Os so that she feels that she is doing a lot for me. If I wanted to, I could just sit there quietly when it happens and you could probably not even notice, except for the physical evidence. I think she feels bad b/c her Os are not as good as mine but I don't think I should tell her that I am sort of faking it, at least over exaggerating a little.

Thoughts?


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## triton1984 (Nov 20, 2009)

Read this post started by Tweak....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/9329-hope-spread-word-about-making-your-woman-happy.html

I suppose I am lucky, my wife has alway been able to "O" by me manually or orally stimulating her and occasionally through intercourse and her "O" has almost always been better than mine....once I figured out "g-spot" stimulation she has had mind blowing "O's" everytime. I can assure you if you and your wife are able to accomplish this...... not only will she never say it isn't worth the effort but you will be somewhat jealous after you get over the feeling of "wow I did that to her".


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Yes, seems like you and your wife are both lucky. Only way I can get her there is to both manually stimulate her g-spot while also steadily licking and sucking her clit. Has to be at the perfect tempo, pressure and no change to the pattern.... for about 10 mins at least. She is definitely cumming as I can feel her contractions. I guess it is just not that mind blowing. Oh well, I will take what I can get.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

What about getting her to O before her orgasm then taking a short break before intercourse so she's not so sensitive? Would she be up to you giving her an O then just spend some time cuddling, kissing, etc for 5 or 10 minutes so she can cool down before going to intercourse?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Maybe too much too soon is part of it. I know that you gals generally need a lot of warming up. My DW is not into too much teasing and hates being tickled. She will not let me tease her. I pretty much go straight for the golden nugget. I may have to encourage her to wait next time. We'll see.

How about the whole, take it or leave it concept. I really can not imagine having sex without an O. I know she can have one, it just takes a lot of work. Could her Os be so.... "ehhh"... that it may not be worth the effort. I must be doing something wrong.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Thanks, it certainly helps to understand from a womans POV. 

Re: vibrators; I would love to bring them in the bedroom. My wife just recently became comfortable using them by herself. She has about four of them now, including a bullet and another similar small one. I also bought a c*** ring with a vibrator on it. She can cum with them as well but she is not yet comfortable enough to let me use them on her. I continue to ask from time to time and do think she will come around (pun intended). That would be so HOT!


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Maybe in time we can get there. It has just come to the point that I am actually afraid to try anything new due to the boundaries that have been placed on sex. It is such a strange and frustrating feeling as my natural tendencies are the opposite. My instinct is to make decisions and always be open to new ideas and use my imagination and creativity. I get bored VERY easily.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Yes, I actually found them on accident when looking for some clothes I had in the closet. I told her I found them and she was a little embarrassed. Then I mentioned that I would love to try them on her or watch her use them. I told her it would be "super hot." She said she was too self conscious and that she has to get into weird positions to get them to work. I asked her a few times since then but the answer was always no. However, I have not asked in about a month and since then I have learned how to give her an O orally. She may not be so embarrassed now that she has had one in front of me. I will have to bring it up again soon. Really, I think my best chance would be to just pull it out when she is getting close, I doubt she would say no. But then again, she already explicitly told me no and that could backfire on me. Normally things like this are a no brainer on me as I consider myself more of a risk taker.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Thanks for the suggestion Star. We'll get there, I have hope. We are stuck with missionary for now though. God, I would just love to "let go" myself and throw her on her knees and give it to her ***dreams***.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

So, we just had sex a little while ago. It was really nice, however I offered to go down on her and she turned me down. That is pretty typical though. 

So after we finished, we were playing around and talking and I mentioned again that it would really turn me on if I could use a toy with her. She said no again, but that she would think about it and if she decided that was something she wanted, she would let me know. I told her fair enough. The two reasons she gave me for not wanting to do it was that she was self-conscious and that she needs to be spot on with it for it to work. If you hit the wrong spot it could be oversensitive she'll lose it. I told her we could at least try and just keep the communication open as to what feels good. I am sure that this is the same with most woman but you work through it with practice...


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Next time we are just hanging out and she is relaxed I'll drag her in the bedroom and just take my time. I'll make sure she know this time is just for her and there will be no reciprocating. If she stops me, oh well, at least I will have tried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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