# A nice little big mess..



## ma.dad (May 7, 2012)

I could write pages but I'll just summarize...

I married my wife a bit over a year when she was 18. She strayed beforehand and she got pregnant... But I love her and I forgave her and married her regardless taking the baby as my own with the understanding the POS abusive scumbag wouldn't know about him or be in our lives. Thing's were going... "well" throughout the pregnancy and for most of the first year of marriage. Very shortly after the baby arrived she began getting very irritable complaining she was bored - she would regularly sleep until early evening only getting up sometimes minutes before I came home from work. Our son was young so I was forgiving...babies can be tiring. I was making enough money for us to live - nothing great but it was enough to get by. She decided she needed to be around people and got a job - A job which hours were 4pm-12am. Wonderful. We were able to have one of her friends babysit for a little while when my work schedule couldn't bend around hers (she only got the job because she swore her child wouldn't interfere with her availability). The babysitter didn't last long. Soon I had to call out of work myself sometimes multiple times a week so I could take care of our son so she could work. So of course the payroll hours at my job get cut and me and my new found unreliability obviously get less hours than others. It got to the point where it wasn't really possible or feasible to continue working at such little hours that I was so I talked with my boss and he agreed to terminate me so I could collect - my top pay periods at the beginning of the year I was pulling in a lot because of a lot of overtime. For months I was doing 60-70 hours a week and they were not convenient hours at all. At any rate I'm collecting now so I can take care of our son and for the past 5 months my lovely wife has been staying out til 3-4 am and quite often not even coming home at all. MANY people tell me she is doing things with people... and I know for a fact she is smoking weed nearly every single day. IF she comes home shes never here more than a couple hours while shes awake and most of that time is spent getting pretty so she can go be with her loser druggy friends - half of which are homeless. I've done everything I could to give this girl a good life and nice things. According to her I have no right to know where she is or who she is with or when shes coming home.. etc.... I've seen texts and heard voicemails where any guy would be like WTF and she says **** off mind your own business. Just this past month she BLEW 300 dollars on weed and JUNK FOOD - money that was needed for RENT and for our car because our registration was going to expire. She ****ed us hard financially so she could get high and hang out with pieces of garbage and buy them food - our car is still not registered because of the hole she put us in. She swears up and down she doesn't want to lose me and she loves me and blah blah blah blah shes sorry blah blah but I've had it. I've given her chance after chance after chance for the past 5 months and she claims to be trying but she has only gotten worse. I think in her head shes living day to day, it doesn't seem like she realizes how long this has been going on she thinks I'm just going to get over it one day when she decides to stop. I've asked her to get a counselor I don't know how many times and she won't. She doesn't take responsibility for anything and has almost gotten fired several times including recently because she won't tell her loser friends to stop hanging out at her store trying to talk to her ALL DAY. She calls me useless and tells me to get a job - I HAD A JOB I had a good job for 2 years that was going great and then went to complete **** after marrying her because she would always make me late and call ****ing 3 times a day every day because she was bored - she didn't care it was all about her. I dont drink I don't smoke I don't do drugs I'm not a criminal. I ***** at her when she throws a candy wrapper out the car window. Anyways - I just needed to rant a little. She drives me insane. I think I have more gray hair than a 50 year old because of her. 

I love her and want to be with her but shes made it impossible.. sooo... 

The Child. 

As stated the child isn't mine. He's going on to be 11 months now and I love him with all that I am as if he came from me. He's the only joy I have in my life and whats kept me from going completely bat**** in all of this. We were married when he was born and I am on his birth certificate. She is going down a bad dark road with her life and insists she is taking him with her if she leaves. I love him and I refuse to let her screw him up with all her bull**** choices and drugs and loser "friends". She's never home like i said more than a few hours and Connor (his name) gets SO excited when he sees her... but she'll only hold or play with him for a few minutes then freak out and yell at me if he starts whining/crying about something. The days he does actually see her he has HORRIBLE nights. He has trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep waking up crying several times a night. This is every time she comes around - if he doesn't see her shes out of mind and hes great never a problem sleeps through the night. He's young but I know she's hurting him and its affecting him and she doesn't care. 

I want to separate or divorce her at this point but only if I can get custody of him otherwise as much as it hurts I'd stay to make sure he grows up right. 

I've tried searching around but haven't found much. 

Has anyone heard of a father collecting unemployment getting primary custody? (I'm working on getting into the military by the time my benefits expire) This is his home I am who he knows. I make enough to scrape by collecting without her income but it'd be tough though I have a room to rent out. I don't want to take her child away from her but she's turning into her mother who did exactly what she is doing. I would hate myself if I just left him to have a horrible life because of her and I just plain love him too much to leave him he's my son. 

I don't know what to do I'm so sick of her and all this bull****. We haven't made love in months and if I try to kiss her she pulls away like she was trying to do something that was more important every time. 

I need to know what to do before my entire head is gray


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

1.) You need to seek LEGAL advice about what your chances of retaining full custody would be. Look up Legal Aid in your Yellow Pages, they offer free or low-cost legal advice from attorneys in your area. Tell them the exact situation and ask them what steps YOU CAN DO to prove yourself the more 'fit' parent.

2.) If you want to increase your chances of retaining custody, then GET A JOB. Find someone to babysit your son. Maybe a RESPONSIBLE high-school girl could use some money this summer. Maybe a responsible older (grandma-type) woman could use the income...especially tax-free cash under-the-table.

3. If you REALLY want to 'up' your chances, get your wife busted for her drug use. Who knows if weed is the only thing she's doing. Does she have a 'stash' at the house? Call the cops. Does she usually have dope in her purse? Call the cops the next time she's driving and you know she's carrying. It would look EVEN WORSE for her if she's got your son in the car when she's busted.

4. You could buy a cheap Voice Activated Recorder (people on TAM say $30 at Wal-Mart) and velcro it under the driver's seat of her car. This may get you additional info on (a) any affairs she's having and (b) any drug selling/distribution/etc. she may be involved in.


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## HisMrs83 (Aug 8, 2011)

You seem like an awesome man that is trying very hard. SlowlyGettingWiser gave really good advice. I know you want to be with him at all times but you have to get employed. i have a 19-month old and she's the love of my life. So, I know losing him would kill you on the inside. But you have to prioritize. Get a job and focus on getting her busted and seeking custody. Good Luck


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Do you have family nearby that would let you and your son move in? Perhaps you could then focus on getting a job and having someone take care of your son while you get back on your feet. I understand how tough it's going to be to get back in the workforce with your wife in the picture and worrying about childcare.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

He is your son emotionaly and legaly. You have every right(see birth cert.) to call the cops if your cheating wife takes him out of *his* home and the marital home. So stop being blackmailed by the fact that she can take him.
Stop enableing her and as hard as it is keeping your WW (wayward wife) away from *your* son is best for him and your WW. Your WW needs to hit rock bottom and distanceing your son from a WW may be the step needed.

Ya, it doesn't sound right to do this...but DUDE YOUR LETTING A DRUG ADDICT AROUND YOUR KID...WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for shouting but you need to start protecting your kid and showing some real consequences towards your WW.

The support is out there so open the yellow pages up and make some phone calls.

Were is your family? They may need to be contacted and asked for some support here. A babies life is indanger!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get a lawyer tomorrow. You need rel help unwrapping what to do here, 

For starters you need to file for divorce. You can't save her when she doesn't want to be saved and right now she is cheating and throwing money away on drugs. She's trash and you have to let her go. Maybe standing up yo her will wake her up ? Hard to say, but your a doormat righ now. Honestly I don't think she's got it in her to be a faithful wife. Sorry, she just doesn't.

Now you are on the birth cert, so legally you are his father. You might be able to use her drug use to get full custody. Talk to a lawyer ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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