# how can I get him to come home?



## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

ok men...please help here. he has been gone almost 4 months. alot going on as in older posts, but how can i get him to come home and be able to see the changes that have been made and put into place??? to see that his family wants to support him through this troublesome time?( andropause, depression, low testosterone....all of the mid life stuff). no ow, no ea...just is not receptine to any help or advice of any kind...pretty much in denial even after several appts. with dr. not to responsive to therapy yet as he sees no problem...
we have small children who he adores...has said he still loves me. it is starting to take its toll and the holidays are beginning to frighten me. i know he will be here...just dont know if he will be back living here...


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

You cannot get him to do anything. You can only focus on yourself and your family...try to find support from friends/relatives to navigate through the holidays and set some clears standards for what YOU want if he so chooses to come back. He should not be allowed to leave during "mid-life stuff" and do his thing away from his wife and children. 

Make sure your heart/mind is in the right place and that you are keeping yourself healthy. There is always two sides to every argument and problem...just work on yourself. It may be good for you to find a support group/therapist to talk too. It always helps to have outside perspective.


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## joevn (Oct 23, 2009)

You cannot change another person. You can only control your own circumstances--and sometimes that's more than enough to handle.

Focus on your kids first.


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## Princesa (Oct 25, 2009)

I'm not a guy, but I can tell you from experience that my husband left me for over a year. I'm sure you have changed (as did I because I love him with all my heart), but that is how he will see it my dear, whenever he comes around to see his kids, you show him UNCONDITIONAL love, no personal questions, no type of nagging, just you pretty smile and he will walk away thinking (hmm this is not the same person, he will be curious to know more), but the changes really do come from your heart and it will take time, but it WILL HAPPEN, when you married, you married TILL DEATH DO YOU PART, so hold on, he will come back. God bless
P.S. Changes in you can never be done by yourself (God changed me)


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