# Husband's Cheating Online



## em_girl (Oct 17, 2018)

This is the first time I have signed up and joined this kind of forum. I needed an outlet to express my hurts and pains since the person who I trusted most who I used to air out my ups and downs is the person who caused me this much pain.

My husband and I had our own share of challenges like any couples but those could easily be resolved and things would go back to normal and it didn't involve breaking each other's trust until several months ago when I caught his romantic message to some woman online when he forgot to log out of messenger before going to work. I would not believe it at first and I was still trying to believe it's for a closed cousin of his who I have not met. I never bothered confronting him and continued to live our normal life and still kept trusting him. 

Then one night, I woke up to go to the bathroom and he was still in the other room and overheard him talking in a very low tone at around 2:00 in the morning. I was like, who would he be talking too at that hour. I opened the door and he tried to block it which obviously made me doubt even more. When I asked him who he was talking to, he answered no one and he was just surfing on the PC. Right there, I knew he's keeping something from me and he's 100% lying. When he went to bed, I opened his cellphone and found messages from a woman talking about romance, etc. My heart sank and I wished I was dreaming. We have been married for over 10 years and I never doubted his loyalty and faithfulness. 

I was not a perfect wife and he was not a perfect husband either but we talked whenever we had issues and if something is bothering us and that's what we had agreed to always have this open communication so we do not end up like other couples who separated and got divorced. When I confronted him, he was denying at first and I called him a liar until he admitted it. He opened up to me why he resorted to that and etc. and yes, I admitted that I was at fault too since becoming a mom, I was too pressured and too overwhelmed that there are some things I used to do for him that I could not do anymore. The pressure of being a new mom is too overwhelming but I thought he understood and would be supportive. ......After we talked about his online cheating, we made promises what we need to improve and what he should not do anymore and have realizations myself about what I need to do to become a better wife and a mom at the same time. 

He said, he would stop having that online romantic affair with that woman who is also married. Now, he's more careful about deleting messages after he checked them but I caught again unread messages on his messenger from that same woman talking about romance and calling him a sweet name. That devastated me! I thought he already stopped. From then on, I've always doubted him........We had several talks, arguments after this all happened and he always end up saying, he will never leave me nor that woman is a threat in our relationship. I really don't understand that if he's being true to me and if he wants me to trust him again, he would have already given up communicating to that woman without me asking him.

That if he's embarrassed enough for what he's done, he would have already cut off that woman in his life. I didn't know what to do then that I ended up like a pushover. I tolerated everything, I just kept crying. I just pray when I could not take it anymore. It's just too hard because I have no one to talk to. My husband used to be my confidante. He was my comfort blanket when I was down. Now that blanket was taken away from me. I could not share this to my family and friends because I still want to protect him. Everyone thinks he's a good and loyal husband and that we are a happy couple. I do not know who to trust in sharing all these. It's just too painful.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

An online affair can be as devastating as a real-life affair. You have found this out. Basically he's giving emotional and sexual energy that belongs in your marriage to someone else.

If you want to try to save your marriage you are going to have to stop protecting him. By doing that you are making it easy for him to continue what he's doing.

Get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. Read it and do what it says to do. One thing about the book is that it talks about Plan A. 

Do you know who the other woman (OW) is and how to get in touch with her husband? One of the most important things that the book talks about is that you need to inform her husband of what is going on. Generally this ends up causing the affair to end.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I'm in no way shape, form, or fashion laying blame but just making a statement.

He is seeking from her what he is not getting from you.

Starting a family is an event that changes the dynamics of a relationship. Often the wife brings all her emotional output to the child leaving the husbands needs in the dark at which
point they seek it elsewhere after feeling rejected. I've been there and been through that (but didn't seek alternatives....just built up resentment). 

Again just to be clear: I'm not blame laying you. It is a tough situation to be in.

Take the advice of EleGirl


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

None of the posters here would ever blame or "explain" the husband for a wife's affair OP.

This isnt on you. This is about his character and his choices.

Period.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> None of the posters here would ever blame or "explain" the husband for a wife's affair OP.
> 
> This isnt on you. This is about his character and his choices.
> 
> Period.


Absolutely it isn't on her ....He made poor a choice. I can only relate a possible reason that led to the poor choice (not that it is a good one).


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > None of the posters here would ever blame or "explain" the husband for a wife's affair OP.
> ...


We all know how fine that distinction is.

OP, your H needs to do the heavy lifting to save this marriage. Right now his job is to show remorse and move heaven and earth to make amends.

Your job is to decide if it's enough.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Em-Girl, you have to pull up your big girl panties and stop letting him walk all over you.
Expose him to your family, his family and friends. Let him be held accountable, it is his shame, not yours
If you know the other woman, expose her to her husband, that will keep her busy.
Go see a lawyer to see what your options are
Tell him if he doesn't stop pulling this **** you will divorce him, no more chances. you need to follow through, not just make threats.
Do the 180 on him and start taking care of yourself, go to the gym, start meeting your friends for coffee, go to the movies etc. He needs to know that you are going to assume that he is checked out and you will consider other options. 

Act like you are done with him. He knows he can continue to treat you anyway he wants because you are giving him absolutely no consequences. He crosses boundaries over and over and what do you do? Nothing. Why should he do anything differently as he has the you and his online romance too.

Take action now, be willing to lose the marriage. Go and get yourself counselling to see why you would put up with his behaviour and to learn how to stand up for yourself.


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