# Update/rant



## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Divorce still not final, maybe in January. 
My semester is over and I made A's in my classes working full time, cross training and being a single mom going through divorce to the biggest ass of all jacks. Yes, I am a bit proud of myself lol.

Stbx bullying every chance he gets. Worse when it's just him and the kids and I'm not there to protect them. He isn't even a decent human being anymore. Of course a guy who threatens to poison my dog while we were dating when I had wanted to call it off never really was decent was he.
He is still stupid, still random and probably still happy in his fantasy world. Or maybe not and that's why he is so mean to the kids? After he dropped my son on Sunday he called the house. Then he called my cell. Then he texted my cell wanting to know what my current phone number is. Really?! Try the one you just called moron. Of course I didn't say that, just thought it.

He had them tonight and was threatening to embarrass my Dd in front of her entire school if she didn't tell him what time her concert is at. He was openly comparing the *****s spawn to our kids (e.g. So and so does this at their school, do you? So and so is so accomplished, etc.). WTH?! What kind of a parent does that?!?! I am so livid. He had no influence on those kids lives to get the, where they are today. None. again, ass of all jacks.

If you've kept up with me you might remember me saying his track record with holding a job only lasts about three years and guess what, he is already *****ing about this new one. Go figure. 

He couldn't get my kids or his **** and her brats to come down to go to his aunts funeral right after thanksgiving either. Gee, what a "soulmate" type relationship they have. She hasn't come down here once since all this came out. So why can't he just leave already???
Yeah and when he called to share the news he had to call my sons phone to try to talk to me and I could hear the **** in the background telling him what to say. Forever the pathetic man boy waiting to be told what to do because he can't figure out how to do it on his own. 

No, I'm not bitter. Just still livid.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Good to rant and let it all out! Congratulations on your academic achievements, you go girl. You are well rid of your STBXH and your kids will be able to hold their own and see him for who he truly is. He created his bed, now let him lie in it.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Thanks Aine! 
You are right, sometimes you just need to vent lol. And tell the world what a stupid jerk cheater the stbx is. You know, since he thinks he is perfect and all.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Hi honey, sounds like you are moving along!! Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Congratulations on your accomplishments! I HATE it when they get the kids in the middle of adult conflict. UGH! Some divorce decrees will even state that the parents aren't allowed to speak in a derogatory/demeaning manner re: the other parent. 

Keep your chin up....what goes around comes around.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Yes, you are bitter. Livid as well. But you have a right to be, you've been through a lot.

You've accomplished a lot, good job.  Take it to the next level, by not reacting to him. You can respond (calmly) but do not react (with anger, jealousy, hatred etc.).

Your kids can feel your energy. Be careful to limit any negative energy you display or exert around them especially when it comes to your past marriage, ex husband or his partner. 

I am also a single mom to a 3 year old toddler, working full time, starting some continuing education courses in January. In my 2nd round of separation from the same husband. I've learned the hard way not to react to him...it's very difficult but can be done.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Just read your posts and women should be more like you. You become a different person,stronger wih more confidence in yourself. You are building a new life for you and your children. Will be a much better future for you.

In one of the post you said "I dont know what my future holds for me and my kids". It was really sad. Now look where are you and what did you do. Looking much better 

You are verry strong woman and your next husband is going to be happy and respect you for all of that,just like your kids. Nice to look for someone when they are growing up.

About your ex-husband. He is only going to blame himslef but I think he will never learn what he lost.

Best wishes to you and your family and spend nice Christmas with them.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

stbx actually showed up to the concert tonight. 
as I watched him leave in a hurry I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Not anger or sadness or fear, just pity. He was alone at a family event and neither of the kids would talk to him let alone look at him. 

Emotional roller coaster car for one please. Oye.

I take the kids to meet his parents for a meal this weekend. Should be interesting. Wonder if I need a witness.

Thanks for your encouragements Smart. It'll be nice growing up and looking for another grown up to share life with someday.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

honeysuckle04 said:


> stbx actually showed up to the concert tonight.
> as I watched him leave in a hurry I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Not anger or sadness or fear, just pity. He was alone at a family event and neither of the kids would talk to him let alone look at him.
> 
> Emotional roller coaster car for one please. Oye.
> ...



But he did show up for the kids. Don't take this wrong. I understand situations like this all too well. But your children... Well... Maybe don't be too vocally negative about their father around them. He is still their father. For the a55 he may be, he is still the a55 you married and birthed children with. Nothing says happiness like thinking one of your parents thinks the other is trash. Because we are all products of our parents.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Malpheous said:


> But he did show up for the kids. Don't take this wrong. I understand situations like this all too well. But your children... Well... Maybe don't be too vocally negative about their father around them. He is still their father. For the a55 he may be, he is still the a55 you married and birthed children with. Nothing says happiness like thinking one of your parents thinks the other is trash. Because we are all products of our parents.


I don't vocalize my disgust for their father in front of them. I do that here. Do not give credit where credit is not due. One fly by attendance does not a father make. Especially when he has neglected them for quite a while and to top that nice crap cake threatens them with texts telling them that he will involve police to ensure the go with him like they are required to on his visitation days. Can you imagine being 11 and your father telling you that he is going to bring the heat down on you if you don't want to go with him on his day? For what? To be treated like **** because he himself can't deal with the choices he made? I don't think so. After two hours of his bullying them, belittling them and complaining to them I don't blame them for not wanting to go. The kids asked me to go see our councilor today because of how upset he has made them over the last week.


Yep. Still livid but no, I didn't take that the wrong way. I'm stuck in this until I'm not and so are my kids. I was married to the ass for 14 years, no one else was so let the healing continue and hopes that he will get tired of the games he plays.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Good job on your course. 

Ranting here is fine... Saves you from doing something else that's potentially more embarrassing. 

Onward & upward!


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

honeysuckle04 said:


> I don't vocalize my disgust for their father in front of them. I do that here. Do not give credit where credit is not due. One fly by attendance does not a father make. Especially when he has neglected them for quite a while and to top that nice crap cake threatens them with texts telling them that he will involve police to ensure the go with him like they are required to on his visitation days. Can you imagine being 11 and your father telling you that he is going to bring the heat down on you if you don't want to go with him on his day? For what? To be treated like **** because he himself can't deal with the choices he made? I don't think so. After two hours of his bullying them, belittling them and complaining to them I don't blame them for not wanting to go. The kids asked me to go see our councilor today because of how upset he has made them over the last week.
> 
> 
> Yep. Still livid but no, I didn't take that the wrong way. I'm stuck in this until I'm not and so are my kids. I was married to the ass for 14 years, no one else was so let the healing continue and hopes that he will get tired of the games he plays.


Sorry if you misunderstood the subtly in my text. I suppose that's a problem with text communication. I was merely making a suggestion to not do something; as a caution. I didn't intend you to feel I was accusing you of actually being vocal in front of them.

To the other bit - in short, yes.

I don't have the context of his 'threat'. But at one point my ex had staged a campaign of parental alienation that pitted my daughter, whom I'd gone to great lengths in life for, to saying she just wasn't going to go with me for my parenting time. This was in a 50/50 alternating week schedule. We had, and once again have, an amazing relation; my daughter and I. But at that time, my daughter told me she wasn't going. That her mother said she didn't have to. I went. I brought the police. They were there to uphold the court order. My daughter was 13 at the time. The officers explained to both, quite nicely, that there was a court order in place. If not all parties were agreeable to that court order, they could take that up in court. That in the meantime, they would assist us in any way needed in abiding the court's order.

There were times later that my daughter didn't feel like going to her mother's home. I addressed it as "not an option, you'll go". Never once did I let her feel it was an option. Their relationship is now much stronger than before. Even for all the times her mother failed her; in ways I won't explain here beyond assuring you I have a fair bit of experience in what you're going through.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Thank you for your concern. As each case is different in the circumstances and rulings I trust you understand that and not knowing me or my case might not merit more than a light caution. More so than the accussing one you gave.

I do appreciate your input and sharing your experience. I feel I need to clarify that I have not discouraged either of my kids to spend time with their father. He has done that himself with the threats and complaining and giving up his time wth them to go to see his *****. I do insist that just because he plans his schedule of visitations without the kids that I will not give up mine. 

I have already contacted the police department here as well as my lawyer and both have said that I should encourage the kids to go but if it comes to kicking and screaming or man handling to get them to go it will not be forced. Never the less I do encourage them to go. I will reiterate that he has dug his own hole with the kids and I will not help him out of it.

Tonight he texted my son telling him that he is use to those he cares for deciding they are done with him. I do not think that is the sort of thing a responsible, caring parent would tell their child. Of course it is hard to think of an emotional abuser, cheater, liar, manipulator who chooses to live in an rv park, not cook, clean or care for my kids when he has them as a responsible, caring parent.
But I could be wrong.

Again, thank you for the light caution.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You're doing fine, Sweetheart! TAM is definitely the place to gritch about what a crappy hand of cards that you've been dealt in your prior relationship!

Please keep us posted on any new or breaking developments!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Still having problems getting past the point where you married someone who threatened to poison your animals....

As for the rest, get some real dirt. Find out why the kids don't want to go - is it just age and change of circumstances for them, or is he actually negligent/abusive/boring. If the latter and there is an issue, convince the court system that the court is duty of care towards its wards (the citizens and especially the children), and that it is everybodys' real interest to see they grow up well adjusted, and that the male parent needs to be able to positively contribute to the childrens' development before he gets contact or daily care.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He is used to those he cares for being done with him???

I was thinking he left YOU! Geez, these cheaters truly have a warped view of things. I'm glad you're doing well. I suspect your happiest days are yet to come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

honeysuckle04 said:


> Divorce still not final, maybe in January.
> My semester is over and I made A's in my classes working full time, cross training and being a single mom going through divorce to the biggest ass of all jacks. Yes, I am a bit proud of myself lol.


And so you should be proud :grin2:

Hi honeysuckle, been a while and catching up. I have to say this bit above I do like, says to be me the biggest positive you could be having for yourself, and in relation to how the STBXH is right now , a world apart and a long way from when you started out, which really is a fabulous turn for you and you keep going, it is only going to get brighter and better. I like the positive, standing strong on your own two feet, supporting your kids and living your life for you and forging a shining path for yourself. Happy days!!


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