# She says no oral on her



## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

This is gonna be long winded as I want to give you the background on this. Married 20 years, together 21. She is my first and only, but she had an ex husband and a lot of sex partners before me. Oral sex on her was never really a big thing, she seldom asked for it and I was honestly a bit out off by it. Probably only happened a few times a year or less. There were a few times though in the last few years that I wanted to so it for her and was told no or given an excuse. Was I go at it? She said yes, but from the new techniques I've learned lately the answer was probably no. 

Fast forward to a few months ago. My wife and I started seriously working on our marriage. Because she enjoys giving me oral sex I decided it was time to end her dry spell. Did some research and came up with a guide written by a lesbian which I had a friend show to his wife and they tried it out. His wife said it was the best oral sex she had ever had, so I decided to try it on my wife. The results were way better than expected. In the past she would only orgasm from oral about half the time. This time she had an intense one very quickly. I thought it went well and the rest of the sex was awsome. 

But over the next two weeks when I tried to do it I got several different excuses why she didn't want it. Finally she told me that she didn't feel good letting me do it unless she had showed before sex. I didn't really get this because over the years she would hardly ever shower before sex. So I asked her to join me in a shower before bed a few times and then tried to perform oral on her. I was still turned down, and the last time she was really pissed that I was pursuing this. Eventually she told me this in an email. BTW My wife and I use emails to discuss issues or problems that are touchy or explosive. 

" I did enjoy it but no matter what u say, I will not get over the weirded out feeling of u being there with your mouth. I think my stuff stinks even after the shower and I don't enjoy being close to your face when u r done. " 

Other than this she is not willing to discuss this. She claims she does not know why she feels this way, and in the last ocasionally let me do it to please me. She also said that it was not my performance as the new technique I used on her was in her words "mind blowing". As the rest of our sex life and marriage in general is doing great, I was content to let this go for awhile. But today it came back to my mind listening to a conversation between two women. One said that if a man is great at oral there is not a woman alive that would not want oral as much as she can get it. Now I know that it's just her opinion. But it makes sense to me. My wife gives a mean blow job, and I'll take one every chance I can get. 

I'm posting here asking for women to to weigh in with their opinions or experiences on the matter. I'm sure thee is an underlying issue causing it but she is unwilling to look into it and would rather I just never give her oral sex again. A few months ago I would have been fine with that. But with the renewed effort on our marriage I want to fine new Ways to bring her pleasure. She gives me oral sex all the time and I feel bad not being able to do it for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

It sounds like you're assuming that just because you like something, and feel confident enough in your body to allow it to happen, then she should naturally feel the same way. I'm not a woman, and perhaps I have zero business saying this, but it seems to me that it's pretty easy for a woman to have issues with herself, as far as her genitals go.

When you see ads for feminine hygience products, the messaging comes across as shaming. 

-"Sometimes I don't feel fresh, even after I shower."
-"The leading brands won't contain all fluids."
-"Only Tampax provides protection against leakage and odour"

Or you get ads where two women are swimming in the sea: one with a good tampon, the other with "the leading brand". The one with the lousy tampon has a shark circling her in the water.........

So, the shock would be if there were women who didn't have body issues associated with their genitals.

Again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm talking out of my ass. Maybe I have ZERO business, as a man, saying these things.

It's just my take.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't understand why it is an issue. My wife does not want oral sex my previous SO loved it. Some women are very self-conscious about their bits. My wife says fingers feel better. She also prefers to not take a shower before sex. 

You can not pay any attention to what other people say because every person is an individual. It only matters what your wife likes and what makes her feel good and comfortable.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You're making up a problem.

I don't particularly enjoy oral sex. That's just me. There's no huge reason why. I also enjoy giving him oral, and I enjoy that more than I enjoy getting it myself.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Oh, and it also doesn't have anything to do with feeling self conscious about my 'bits'. That thought actually never crosses my mind. I do let him give me oral once in a while, and it's all right, I just prefer other stuff. She may have given you that as an excuse to shut you up


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## loving1 (Aug 5, 2013)

I don't like receiving oral very often either. It's not a self consciousness issue and I don't DISLIKE it, it's just not my favorite thing. Once in a while it's fun, but it's not something I want every time.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> You're making up a problem.
> 
> I don't particularly enjoy oral sex. That's just me. There's no huge reason why. I also enjoy giving him oral, and I enjoy that more than I enjoy getting it myself.


I'm good at that. Just ask my wife. That's why I posted it here. Not thinking I can change her mind, just looking for insight into that mysterious mind of hers. 

Guess I'm also just trying to spice up sex that IMO is a little too scripted and over too fast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

sh987 said:


> It sounds like you're assuming that just because you like something, and feel confident enough in your body to allow it to happen, then she should naturally feel the same way. I'm not a woman, and perhaps I have zero business saying this, but it seems to me that it's pretty easy for a woman to have issues with herself, as far as her genitals go.
> 
> When you see ads for feminine hygience products, the messaging comes across as shaming.
> 
> ...


You make a great point! We are more complex than men and we thank our husbands for being patient! It took a long time for me to really hear how much my husband LOVED going down on me. All the sights, sounds and smells. He had to tell me over and over and over how erotic it is. It was not until after we had our first child, him watching the birth etc., that I realized with all the changes down there he still really LOVES going down on me and I then embraced by body as well. I even now enjoy kissing him after he has been down there. It turns me on.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

over20 said:


> You make a great point! We are more complex than men and we thank our husbands for being patient! It took a long time for me to really hear how much my husband LOVED going down on me. All the sights, sounds and smells. He had to tell me over and over and over how erotic it is. It was not until after we had our first child, him watching the birth etc., that I realized with all the changes down there he still really LOVES going down on me and I then embraced by body as well. I even now enjoy kissing him after he has been down there. It turns me on.


That's great for you guys. It gives him another outlet to express how much he loves you and wants you to feel good, and it gives you another opportunity to feel great.

Win-win all over.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> " I did enjoy it but no matter what u say, I will not get over the weirded out feeling of u being there with your mouth. I think my stuff stinks even after the shower and I don't enjoy being close to your face when u r done."
> 
> I'm sure thee is an underlying issue causing it but she is unwilling to look into it..._Posted via Mobile Device_


She seems to have told you what the "underlying issue" is. She's just not that into it. And being close to your face after you've given her oral is a turn-off for her. 

But you seem pretty determined that there must be more to it than she's said. I think maybe you're being dismissive of her reasons because you want to hear something that will allow you to talk her into having this your way. For what it's worth, "It just doesn't do it for me" really is a valid reason and an answer, entire and complete, for a woman not being as into receiving oral as you think she should be. 

Continuing to press about this will eventually make her feel like you're being dismissive, not listening to her, and ignoring her wishes. Because that's exactly what you'll be doing. So, continue to offer occasionally if you'd like. Make sure she knows that you're always game and would enjoy it if she took you up on your offer. But stop making this a mission. There's nothing "wrong" with her and nothing here for you to "fix". When and if she ever decides it's something she'd like to explore further, that will have to begin within her.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Count me as another woman who doesn't care for oral. The orgasms I get from it are not as deep and satisfying. I feel "alone" when he is down there and I'm up here with nothing to do, and I am also turned off by the smell and taste when he comes back up even after a shower. If he really needed to do it I would let him, but why bother when he knows I prefer PIV?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't understand why you feel the need to keep pushing something she's told you she doesn't want. Honestly it will make you come across as a bully that doesn't respect her feelings and will breed resentment that will cause her to shut down other things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't know what to do about your wife, but how about a link to the guide? I'm always up for new techniques! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm not pushing the issue with her at all. We are in a pretty good place now and doing so would hurt that for sure. Was just throwing it our there to see what came back. Gotta I did not expect to hear from so many ladies that don't prefer it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> Thanks for the input everyone. I'm not pushing the issue with her at all. We are in a pretty good place now and doing so would hurt that for sure. Was just throwing it our there to see what came back. Gotta I did not expect to hear from so many ladies that don't prefer it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't give up hope.........Give the post a few more days, there are plenty of women on TAM that love receiving oral from their husbands. Wives forget that it's a gift we give to our husbands to allow their heads between our thighs. A very unselfish thing.:smthumbup:


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> I'm good at that. Just ask my wife. That's why I posted it here. Not thinking I can change her mind, just looking for insight into that mysterious mind of hers.
> 
> Guess I'm also just trying to spice up sex that IMO is a little too scripted and over too fast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she doesn't like it, then only do it when she wants it. Don't get bent out of shape about it. It has nothing to do with her satisfaction with you as a lover. 

My second ex-wife loved anal. I'm not crazy about anal at all, but she liked it alot, so I did it with her whenever she asked. It is not that I hate anal, but there are a dozen other sexual things I like doing much more. It was no reflection on her. That was just our difference in tastes. So we compromised and had a great sex life. Too bad the relationship sucked, else we would still be married.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Giro flee said:


> Count me as another woman who doesn't care for oral. The orgasms I get from it are not as deep and satisfying. I feel "alone" when he is down there and I'm up here with nothing to do, and I am also turned off by the smell and taste when he comes back up even after a shower. If he really needed to do it I would let him, but why bother when he knows I prefer PIV?


This is so well stated! I also don't enjoy oral on me, and had never seen it explained this way. I too have that feeling of being alone and rather useless! Also, unrelated, I get completely turned off by the fact that his face smells/tastes like female genitalia. I'm straight. I want his face to taste like a man, all the time. In my case it's not about technique at all. 

Think about it like this. Imagine that your wife is the #1 best diaper fetishist on the planet. She can diaper a lover better than anyone else alive. Does that mean that you want her to do that to you? Unless you are a diaper fetishist, you don't care how good her diaper technique is. What matters here is that it's just NOT your thing, period. 

Every person has a list of turn ons, right? Oral sex is not on every woman's list. Enjoy all the other things on her list. Speaking for myself, I am not sexually erotically moved by the idea of a man giving me oral sex. In the same way that I'm not sexually erotically moved by diapers (sorry to keep using this example but I wanted to be extreme to make a point). It really surprises me that some folks on TAM have stated that it shocks them that this should be the case, but I see it as a given. Given the breadth of human sexuality, t's pretty impossible that any sexual act will be loved by 100% of us!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Many women won't take it 10 times a day even if they could. They would however do it several times a week even if they don't prefer penetration.

For the sexless position, oral is a great bridge.


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## loving1 (Aug 5, 2013)

I agree with the feeling alone! I want to be able to hold my husband, I almost feel left out during oral. I don't enjoy the feeling as much as PIV O's either. The sensation is too "sharp" and intense for me to relax and enjoy... for me PIV O's are much more luxurious. Weird way to describe it, but that's all I can come up with.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I think a lot of women are very self conscious and embarrassed about female genitalia. I don't know if its societal messages of what have you. I know I don't look like the porn ladies I see - it makes me self conscious. I see labia that are attractive and others that are not.

Well, whatever, I see what women mean because if you are self conscious or worried it greatly reduces your sexual response. 

Me personally, I love oral. I think my H saw that same tutorial by the lesbian! I watched it with him. IF I felt my H was enjoying it I would love it all the time. He just recently started giving me oral after 18 years so of course there are issues.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

further on the "feeling alone" topic - during oral, my mind totally wanders. I disappear ... we are distant from each other, he can't talk and I don't have anything to say ... somehow when I give him oral he doesn't have these problems and I don't know what the difference is but he is much more "involved" in it somehow.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

My wife is also a "no oral" woman, but for a different reason. She says her clitoris is simply too sensitive for a tongue. (I know it's not a feeling of uncleanliness for reasons that would be TMI.)

Yet it's definitely not too sensitive for fingers--hers or mine.

Women are just too damn complicated.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

It's not really a thing for my wife either even after years of my enthusiastic desire. I've accepted that she doesn't enjoy it much and the she would always chose something else. I don't mention it often now. Seems pointless if she is not into it.

I hate that tbh. Good ol' incompatibility. 

Sometimes I joked with myself that if any woman would want to persuade me to have an affair she might have a chance with oral. Thankfully, no one is that perceptive.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

jaharthur said:


> She says her clitoris is simply too sensitive for a tongue.
> 
> Yet it's definitely not too sensitive for fingers--hers or mine.
> 
> Women are just too damn complicated.


Wow! What is complicated about this? Tongue: no. Fingers: yes. This is about as straightforward as it gets.... I know complicated, my friend, and this is NOT IT.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

No two vaginas are the same.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

why not have oral only nights where you please her and then she does you that way your face does not have to be near her after some good old fashon tounge lashing.

just a thought.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

LostViking said:


> No two vaginas are the same.


I can't speak to the validity of that statement as my wife's is the only one I have any experience with. 
Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

LostViking said:


> No two vaginas are the same.


That's beautiful, man. Just beautiful. :toast:


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> why not have oral only nights where you please her and then she does you that way your face does not have to be near her after some good old fashon tounge lashing.
> 
> just a thought.


After oral we usually go doggie style. Smell problem sloved.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> why not have oral only nights where you please her and then she does you that way your face does not have to be near her after some good old fashon tounge lashing.
> 
> just a thought.


Maybe down the road, but the topic is closed with her for right now. I knew that when I started the thread but wanted to hear if there were many ladies that share the same opinion of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> That's beautiful, man. Just beautiful. :toast:


Yes no two are the same. And each one has a magic all its own. 

If all the women in the world woke up and realised the enormous power they carry in that little piece of anatomy..... we men would be relegated to perpetual slavery.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

omega said:


> Wow! What is complicated about this? Tongue: no. Fingers: yes. This is about as straightforward as it gets.... I know complicated, my friend, and this is NOT IT.


I agree that the rule is crystal clear, straightforward and easy to follow. The reasons for the rule are inexplicable to my poor male brain.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I totally agree with the 'too sensitive' thing. Yet fingers are fine for me too. Maybe it's because he has a beard.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

jaharthur said:


> I agree that the rule is crystal clear, straightforward and easy to follow. The reasons for the rule are inexplicable to my poor male brain.


Oh, well I can explain that for you then. Different parts of the body create different sensations. The female anatomy is said to be a lot more sensitive than the male (I think they say that we all have the same number of nerve endings; but in the man they are spread out over a much larger area so things get very intense for women that men just can't understand). Lick your index finger, and then lick your knee. Your index finger is the female anatomy; your knee is the male. 

If you can't follow the logic that different stimuli (finger, tongue, etc) can create different sensations then I can't help you!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

omega said:


> Oh, well I can explain that for you then. Different parts of the body create different sensations. The female anatomy is said to be a lot more sensitive than the male (I think they say that we all have the same number of nerve endings; but in the man they are spread out over a much larger area so things get very intense for women that men just can't understand). Lick your index finger, and then lick your knee. Your index finger is the female anatomy; your knee is the male.
> 
> If you can't follow the logic that different stimuli (finger, tongue, etc) can create different sensations then I can't help you!


Lick my knee? Would that I were still that flexible.

I can easily understand that her fingers would be better than my fingers or my tongue, because she has an instant feedback mechanism and can adjust as required. So I'm not one to be insulted at all when she takes over.

I don't see as much difference between my fingers and my tongue--both equally reliant on my being able to read her reactions correctly to know whether I'm on the right track--but I guess I can imagine that she would.

This all gets me thinking about my analogy that a man's body is like a kazoo--any damned fool can play one anyplace at anytime. But a woman's body is like a Stradivarius--it takes years of practice to figure it out, learn how to play each note, and make it sing, and even then if the humidity or temperature change or it's being played in a new place, you have to figure out the right adjustments.

Thanks for trying to educate me!


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

The clitoris is essentially a very small miniature penis. It has as many nerve endings in it as a mans penis does, but compacted tightly into a little itsy bitsy space. The more compacted the nerve endings are, the more sensitive the sensations. That's why guys, you need to slow the fvck down and go lightly and slowly and pay attention to her body language. You can tell when you are being too rough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

My wife is weird about receiving oral as well- It only happens a handful of times a year. So It's not rare.
What was the technique? Post a link or PM the directions! Help a brother out lol


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

effess said:


> My wife is weird about receiving oral as well- It only happens a handful of times a year. So It's not rare.
> What was the technique? Post a link or PM the directions! Help a brother out lol


You have a PM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

LostViking said:


> The clitoris is essentially a very small miniature penis. It has as many nerve endings in it as a mans penis does, but compacted tightly into a little itsy bitsy space. The more compacted the nerve endings are, the more sensitive the sensations. That's why guys, you need to slow the fvck down and go lightly and slowly and pay attention to her body language. You can tell when you are being too rough.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually the clitorius has 8000 nerve endings and the head of the penis has about 4000 nerve endings. Twice the nerves in a much smaller area. Be gentle, that sucker is super sensitive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

effess said:


> My wife is weird about receiving oral as well- It only happens a handful of times a year. So It's not rare.
> What was the technique? Post a link or PM the directions! Help a brother out lol


I feel for you. As a woman and amongst ALL the women I know, who are married of course, I think it is very rare that a woman would NOT :sleeping:want to receive oral.....I don't understand. My DH has a mustache and beard and he loves going down on me in the morning so his whiskers keep the scent all day! I love giving him that gift!!


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> You have a PM
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. ray:


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

*Re: Re: She says no oral on her*



over20 said:


> I feel for you. As a woman and amongst ALL the women I know, who are married of course, I think it is very rare that a woman would NOT :sleeping:want to receive oral.....I don't understand. My DH has a mustache and beard and he loves going down on me in the morning so his whiskers keep the scent all day! I love giving him that gift!!


I don't really know the reason, she says she only likes it if she's REALLY in the mood, which is only a few times a yr. I think she's very self-conscious about smells as well (not from anything I've said). 
Oh well, I do miss it, but we're all different I guess.


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

I will also chime in that I LOVE giving.. Not so much on the receiving end.. 

There are many reasons why I don't prefer oral on me.. the smell afterwards, the disconnect, etc.. 

I had one partner that was REALLY good at it.. And he was able to get me to accept it the most, to be honest, b/c he knew what he was doing.. 

But.. still not my favorite.. 

I don't think it's that uncommon.. If, however, it's something you really enjoy, then, yes, it should be open for discussion.. And that's how I ended up doing it more often with the one that was really good at it.. But then again, he also made it easier, lol.. 

And, I haven't had many partners, but other than the one, I will say, all the rest.. so not good.. maybe it's that it's not good for me.. maybe it's my body, maybe I have bad luck in men.. who knows.. but.. honestly, it just doesn't do it for me.. 

So.. if you don't really enjoy, and just think it's something you "should" do, then.. don't.. If it IS something you really enjoy, then maybe it's time for a frank discussion about needs b/w you and your wife...


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