# Looking for opinions.....plz??



## Notsure01 (Dec 24, 2010)

I'm contemplating a separation and divorce and let me tell you why. I can list out a number of things that we've been over and over again throughout the last 4 or so years and things seem to change and then bam, right back to the old ways. Frankly, I'm tired of it.

He spends most weekends on the computer all day. He comes home from work and goes to the computer. He rarely spends time at night with his children. And I won't get into the findings on the computer. Membership to porn sites and even a match.com account and another one that I can't remember, but its basically looking for someone else. I confronted him and he said he's looking at pics, that was it.

And I'm not going to say he doesn't do any of the following, because he does, but if I had to put a percentage on it, I do 85% he does 15% of it. I bathe the kids, feed the kids, get them ready in the AM, put them to bed, do the laundry, do the homework with one child and I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff, but you get the gist.

Our love life. It's practically non-existent. I used to be head over heals in love with him, but now i'm to the point I don't care. I miss that connection with someone and I want it again. We have these talks and we talk about making it better and it is better, it does, but only for 1 or 2 weeks and then it's back to the same ole same ole.

I won't even get into money. We keep it separate and he makes it seem like I contribute nothing. We BOTH make good money and I give a set amount to the bills, but I AM THE ONE who clothes the kids. Yet he just sees the bills and what comes out of the bank account.

I guess I'm looking for others opinions, what would you do? what would you say? would you leave? there are 2 children involved which is basically why I'm staying, that and I'm scared of the future and being on my own with 2 children. Sounds selfish but it's honest.

Our communication sucks...and we're both passive, but I'm still young and I want a real loving relationship.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You and he need to confront your issues head on.

What came first? He disappearing into the computer? Or you being irritated?

And who gets to start the process of communicating and changing?

Have the both of you so devalued each other at this point that there is nothing left?

Escape sounds like a quick release valve, but is it really?


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## Mrs.hopefull (Jan 7, 2011)

humm well from what you wrote i keep getting the image that you are very busy all the time, with the kids & work. have you guys had anytime for eachother in the last few years? seems he feels like he is not getting the amount of attention he wants. all men want attention, sexual and non sexual. men dont all tell you when they want it or need it. 
for example my husband wont tell me when something is bugging him. he was craving attention. even though i said hi when he came home. he didnt feel like i was happy to see him. and this lil thing turned into other problems cause i didnt know how he felt.
well i also i can relate to him being on the computer. i myself used to spend alot of time on it i played games that allowed you to interact with other people. guys would flirt with me and i would feel wanted. i was getting something from other guys that i felt like i wasnt getting from my husband, therefore i became consumed by it. what snapped me back into reality was i found messages between my husband and an ex of his ...he was having an emotional affair.
we have since reconciled and moved on and our moods towards eachother and love life have changed for the better.
bad commutication is normally key of all realtionship problems. also after having kids you dont foucs on eachother no more, kids came first. wrong!! kids are important dont get me wrong i have one of my own. but they grow up and move out and all you have left is your husband. if you really love him and he really loves you, you guys will have to put your prides aside, dosnt matter who does what or who does more. if you make him feel this way he'll feel like hes not doing his part and not living up to your standards therefore he looks for someone else.
if you have no sex life try something new, something that will turn his head away from that computer. if you try this and it makes him happy keep it up, never stop, make his eyes stay on you.
another important question how old is he? most men go through a midlife crisis in there 30s, and most of them start flirting with other women or even cheating? my husband is going through one now, so if you think this may be an option, let me me know and ill tell you want has been going on in my case and see if it might help. best of luck i hope some of this will help


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## Notsure01 (Dec 24, 2010)

I'm glad you said that Hopeful, that brings me to the second part of this, I get all kinds of attention from other men....it's nice, but I don't crave it..I don't want it, I want it from my husband. A couple of his work buddies have even said, he's stupid....and that I deserve better. 

Sex has always been an issue because of him. I want it all the time...i could do it day and night. He doesn't want it all the time, and could care less. I do all the work when we do, do it. In the past, i've tried and tried and he's always turned me down. So, I've stopped...I don't try anymore, who can take that much rejection? I hate it...I'm not bad looking...and from what i've been told by other men, i'm hot, although i don't see what' they see, but why doesn't my husband see that? 

and yes, he's in his late 30's..but this has been going on since his late 20's.


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