# Update



## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

So yesterday hubby told me that I should move out with my daughter by the end of this month.

He made it clear that he is done with Marriage and woman. He said in fact he doesn't concider me as his wife and from that moment I started looking for a place to say cause month end is in 2\3 weeks. He told me to not pick him up from work.
When I got home after work I took a bath cause I was planning to go to the gym so I decided that I should rather go to a friend who works in property business to help find a place to stay on my way to my friend she asvided that she can't meet with me. So I decided to take my last R200 that I have for this weeks trasport budget and put in petrol then went past my other friend. just to clear my head.

Hubby then calls me at 20:25 and tells me that he is the head of the house and I should be back home before 20:30 and my friends place is like 10+- kilometres away so by the time I got home he locked and left the key at the door so I cannot open with my key.

I was so scared that I didn't know if I should knock or just stand there eventually I knocked after 5 knocks he opened and asked "What did I say to You?" he let me in and told me that we should show each other who the man is (as in fight him).

He went and got a belt pushed me to the sitting room and he wanted to hit me but he would make the belt go half way I was so terrified that I kept on shielding myself then he lifted me up to get me outside the house and leave I told him I need to get my clothes for work he said he doesn't care and his hand came towards me like he wanted to slap me on the face again I ducked.

Then ran to the bedroom he dragged me on the floor from the bdroom across the sitting room then he decided that I should pack my stuff he is taking me to my mothers place. 

He drove me and wanted to drop me 8 kilometres away from my mom's then he decided my mom will complain that he left me on the road. He took me to my moms and he told my mom that: I return home late, I dont cook, don't clean and I do not talk to him. 

Last time I checked he was giving me silent treatment, when he is angry he doesn't eat my food and he said I wasnt his wife anymore earlier so whats the fuss about

It's like he likes me better when I'm miserable, weak and vulnerable I don't know if it makes him feel powerful or what exactly.
why am I still even here?


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Indeed, why are you? When I opened the thread, I was all set to say he should move out. What you have described is severe physical and mental abuse. Leave now. LEAVE NOW. Take your daughter, get in your car and go to your mother.

Are you in SA? I don't know the laws there but seek advice asap from an attorney.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

First thing you should do is inform the police that your husband is physically abusive. File a restraining order now. And then get a divorce. 

If you stay in this marriage and continue to let him do this he WILL end up hurting you and possibly killing you. 

It's a pattern that I have seen too many times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

Fenix said:


> Indeed, why are you? When I opened the thread, I was all set to say he should move out. What you have described is severe physical and mental abuse. Leave now. LEAVE NOW. Take your daughter, get in your car and go to your mother.
> 
> Are you in SA? I don't know the laws there but seek advice asap from an attorney.


Yes I'm in SA, I'm going back to my mother's today but he took my car so I'm using a bus. I'm trying to get a place to stay and start preparing for a new start without him.


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## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

jerry123 said:


> First thing you should do is inform the police that your husband is physically abusive. File a restraining order now. And then get a divorce.
> 
> If you stay in this marriage and continue to let him do this he WILL end up hurting you and possibly killing you.
> 
> ...



I need to get advice first from the lawyers cause he kicked me out I'm not sure how that's going to work out through divorce cause in SA apparently the partner that leaves might lose the house and child's castody but I was forcefully kicked out I'm not sure if that makes any difference.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Is there any support for abused spouses in your area? Because they may be able to help get you the legal support you need. And you need to do this ASAP. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wifey,

How are you doing?


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## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Wifey,
> 
> How are you doing?


HI, EleGirl

Not good I was at my mother's the whole weekend on Sunday I went for the family meeting regarding our marriage.

THe sex demand when I still had stiches (after giving birth) his mother said that hubby was right to demand s*x while I still had stitches cause thats what FIL did to her as well so I'm assuming because hubby's dad abused her then hubby must in turn abuse me?

No one saw the physical abuse in this and emotional abuse, he kept on saying that I was lying and I asked them If I was lying why did i spend 2 weeks in hospital for depression? there was no answer.

Only I know is that my mother was hurt by all this and she started crying.

they suggested we do marriage councelling from a psychologist which I'm definitely going cause a psychologist will be able to see that I need to to be let go and that hubby needs help (by the way his father was abusive to his mother) I once confronted him that he's trying so hard not to be like his father when in fact he is becoming more like him . I swear he could have killed me that day.

I went home with him yesterday and my daughter for the first time this weekend I did shopping and was comfortable and not worried about hidding the price tags.

I'm very disappointed though at my in laws I can never trust them again or even think they will do me any good.

And today he is asking me to pay the municipality bill for the house he kicked me out off he must really think I'm crazy


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

Did you consult a lawyer?


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## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

spinsterdurga said:


> Did you consult a lawyer?


I did and it seems divorce will not be easy. 

We are married in community of property so it will depend on the divorce if it's contested or uncontested which according to them if I file for divorce according to my story it will be contested divorce which might take years to settle...


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