# Appropriate or Not?



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Scenario:

H and W at a restaurant with friends. Tables are tightly placed together allowing just enough room for waiters and waitress to work their tables. As the W is sitting at the table a waiter walks up behind the W with his back turned taking the food order from the adjacent table. The W turns her head and sees the waiter rear basically in her face. W then motions to squeeze the waiter rear while smiling. The W then takes it a bit further asking others at their table to take a picture of her pretending to squeeze the waiters rear. 

As a H and or just a bystander, what are your thoughts on this? If you as a H were to pretend to squeeze a waitress' rear end in a similar situation, then ask for pictures what would your W reaction be?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Very tacky, and perhaps _slightly_ amusing. Of course, if a man did this with a female waiter and was observed, it would be called sexual harassment. So, I'd put this in the inappropriate category.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Completely inappropriate, childish, and potentially humiliating/degrading to the waiter. If a spouse of mine attempted this, I would shut that down in no uncertain terms.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Very tacky, and perhaps _slightly_ amusing. Of course, if a man did this with a female waiter and was observed, it would be called sexual harassment. So, I'd put this in the inappropriate category.


Would you believe the W would be embarrassed and or upset(both) if her H did the same motion to a waitress?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Kind of funny! I agree it would be not so funny if it was a guy doing the same to a female waitress.

Not worth making a fuss about either way in my opinion.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Would you believe the W would be embarrassed and or upset(both) if her H did the same motion to a waitress?


Yes, I'd believe that. I think it's inappropriate for anyone to do - with maybe an exception if a one spouse does it to their partner.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, I'd believe that. I think it's inappropriate for anyone to do - with maybe an exception if a one spouse does it to their partner.


Yes, a spouse to a spouse/partner is the exception for me as well.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

SadSamIAm said:


> Kind of funny! I agree it would be not so funny if it was a guy doing the same to a female waitress.
> 
> Not worth making a fuss about either way in my opinion.


It is meant to be funny but some folks take/see things a different way.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> It is meant to be funny but some folks take/see things a different way.


I have what I consider a very good way of judging people.It is how they treat serving staff.Waiters and waitresses depend on tips to make a living and have to put up with a lot of bs because of this.I used to frequent a bar/grill and some of the waitresses are really hot,they have an excellent way of dealing with touchy-feely customers.They turn around quickly as if startled and spill whatever they are carrying over the smartass customer.Nothing like a hot cup of coffee or an ice cold beer over your pants to show you the error of your ways.
In my business I have about seventy five young women and about thirty young guys working for me and if any client tried inappropriately touching them he or she would be out the door so fast their feet wouldn’t touch the ground.
It is a sign of low self esteem to make fun of someone who can’t answer back and I would have let your wife know this in your situation.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> I have what I consider a very good way of judging people.It is how they treat serving staff.Waiters and waitresses depend on tips to make a living and have to put up with a lot of bs because of this.I used to frequent a bar/grill and some of the waitresses are really hot,they have an excellent way of dealing with touchy-feely customers.They turn around quickly as if startled and spill whatever they are carrying over the smartass customer.Nothing like a hot cup of coffee or an ice cold beer over your pants to show you the error of your ways.
> In my business I have about seventy five young women and about thirty young guys working for me and if any client tried inappropriately touching them he or she would be out the door so fast their feet wouldn’t touch the ground.
> It is a sign of low self esteem to make fun of someone who can’t answer back and I would have let your wife know this in your situation.


Difference here is the touching was mimicked and not actually done. Waiter back was towards the W and W mimicked sqeezing the waiters butt. No physical contact was made. 

Actual physical touch is a huge no-no no matter the situation.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Difference here is the touching was mimicked and not actually done. Waiter back was towards the W and W mimicked sqeezing the waiters butt. No physical contact was made.
> 
> Actual physical touch is a huge no-no no matter the situation.


It is still humiliating for the waiter.If your son was put in this situation by an older woman how would you feel.The waiter is earning peanuts,I hope you had the decency to leave him a generous tip at least.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

If it were my wife I’d be shocked, then I’d get up and tell her to come with me, pull her aside and ask her her what the hell is wrong with her acting like a crazy b——. I would tell her she is an embarrassment to me and everyone around us, I’d walk her back to the table and loudly say I’m sorry for my wife’s behavior, she’s an embarrassment to me, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with her, I’m leaving now, excuse me. 
If it’s me, I just would not put up with idiotic behavior.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> It is still humiliating for the waiter.If your son was put in this situation by an older woman how would you feel.The waiter is earning peanuts,I hope you had the decency to leave him a generous tip at least.


If I was a waiter I woudn't be humiliated. I'd look on it as a joke precipitated by the fact that management is trying to maximize profits by cramming so many tables into the place. Actually the whole scenario doesn't strike me as that bad. I guess it all depends on the attitudes of the people involved.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> It is still humiliating for the waiter.If your son was put in this situation by an older woman how would you feel.The waiter is earning peanuts,I hope you had the decency to leave him a generous tip at least.


It is just a scenario.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

reminds me of something else i saw 

yeah i don't think everyone thought it was damn funny.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

OK by me, especially if the waiter was OK with it. Better yet, get a photo doing it at a three star Michelin restaurant for a real keepsake.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rhubarb said:


> If I was a waiter I woudn't be humiliated. I'd look on it as a joke precipitated by the fact that management is trying to maximize profits by cramming so many tables into the place. Actually the whole scenario doesn't strike me as that bad. I guess it all depends on the attitudes of the people involved.


Yes, some see things differently than others. Comical, inappropriate, over the edge, etc. The waiter is non-the-wiser in this scenario. It is the act of but not physically touching the rear end of a waiter who's back is towards the W.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> It is still humiliating for the waiter.If your son was put in this situation by an older woman how would you feel.


Wouldn't bother me in the least. "Good job, son. All that weight you lost and that cardio in the gym seems to have paid off" 

Same goes for my daughter. Feigning a squeeze is not copping a feel.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

JayDee7 said:


> If it were my wife I’d be shocked, then I’d get up and tell her to come with me, pull her aside and ask her her what the hell is wrong with her acting like a crazy b——. I would tell her she is an embarrassment to me and everyone around us, I’d walk her back to the table and loudly say I’m sorry for my wife’s behavior, she’s an embarrassment to me, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with her, I’m leaving now, excuse me.
> If it’s me, I just would not put up with idiotic behavior.


Dude.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Cletus said:


> Wouldn't bother me in the least. "Good job, son. All that weight you lost and that cardio in the gym seems to have paid off"
> 
> Same goes for my daughter. Feigning a squeeze is not copping a feel.


It is idea of it and not the actual touch. Would you think one's W be offended or upset if the H feigned a squeeze on a waitress even if it was to be a joke?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> It is idea of it and not the actual touch. Would you think one's W be offended or upset if the H feigned a squeeze on a waitress even if it was to be a joke?


Just like the answers you're getting here, it depends on the wife. One with a good sense of humor and no serious insecurities might find it funny. Others perhaps not so much.

Whether or not it is rude to your spouse very much depends on the nature of your spouse.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Of course it's inappropriate. It would be inappropriate no matter the sexes of the individuals involved. It's tacky, classless, and not particularly funny. It rather sounds like shenanigans that young people might engage in while out for a drunken night on the town. But I also wouldn't make a federal case out of it. To me, making a huge flaming scene about my spouse doing such a thing would be just as crass and ill-mannered as, and likely more offensive than, the actual offense. If I'm offended or embarrassed by my partner's behavior - and I have been so by a partner's behavior in the past - that's something we'll discuss in private later. The culture I was raised in is very averse to public scenes, so the only thing more appalling and unacceptable than making a scene by pretending to grope the wait-staff, would be making another scene by berating one's partner about it in a loud, public, fashion.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Of course it's inappropriate. It would be inappropriate no matter the sexes of the individuals involved. It's tacky, classless, and not particularly funny. It rather sounds like shenanigans that young people might engage in while out for a drunken night on the town. But I also wouldn't make a federal case out of it. To me, making a huge flaming scene about my spouse doing such a thing would be just as crass and ill-mannered as the actual offense. If I'm offended or embarrassed by my partner's behavior - and I have been so by a partner's behavior in the past - that's something we'll discuss in private later. The culture I was raised in is very averse to public scenes, so the only thing more appalling and unacceptable than making a scene by pretending to grope the wait-staff, would be making another scene by berating one's partner about it in a loud, public, fashion.


The reaction I agree with. Talk in private later. I believe most would do this with exception of one in this thread who apparently would go ballistic. :surprise:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Check the phone bill. Hire a PI. Find a lawyer. File for divorce.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Scenario:
> 
> H and W at a restaurant with friends. Tables are tightly placed together allowing just enough room for waiters and waitress to work their tables. As the W is sitting at the table a waiter walks up behind the W with his back turned taking the food order from the adjacent table. The W turns her head and sees the waiter rear basically in her face. W then motions to squeeze the waiter rear while smiling. The W then takes it a bit further asking others at their table to take a picture of her pretending to squeeze the waiters rear.
> 
> As a H and or just a bystander, what are your thoughts on this? If you as a H were to pretend to squeeze a waitress' rear end in a similar situation, then ask for pictures what would your W reaction be?


My thought is that it's a woman who mistakenly believes that a man in a similar situation would do that, therefore it's excusable in a woman.

Not great behavior, nothing to be concerned about. Normal, whether normal is good or not.

And I guarantee you this - the restaurant EXPECTS this behavior and part of placing the tables so close together was to encourage it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Inappropriate.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Inappropriate, no matter the gender of those involved.

I don't associate with those who take advantage of others in order to get a laugh. I have seen too many perpetrators laugh and say "it was only a joke" at the humiliation of the victim. Bad behavior.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Check the phone bill. Hire a PI. Find a lawyer. File for divorce.


Panzer division?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

DustyDog said:


> My thought is that it's a woman who mistakenly believes that a man in a similar situation would do that, therefore it's excusable in a woman.
> 
> Not great behavior, nothing to be concerned about. Normal, whether normal is good or not.
> 
> And I guarantee you this - the restaurant EXPECTS this behavior and part of placing the tables so close together was to encourage it.


Restaurants squeeze in as many tables as they can. Even to the detriment of customs dining. It gets more paying folks in.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Red Sonja said:


> Inappropriate, no matter the gender of those involved.
> 
> I don't associate with those who take advantage of others in order to get a laugh. I have seen too many perpetrators laugh and say "it was only a joke" at the humiliation of the victim. Bad behavior.


Agreed on all counts. Most state "it was only a joke" when they are called out on it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Lostinthought61 said:


> reminds me of something else i saw
> 
> yeah i don't think everyone thought it was damn funny.


Yes, Al Franken. He is part of the reason for this scenario. I don't know if Franken is married and none of my business but if he is, what did his W think of this? Funny, Al just being Al or an embarrassment?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Scenario:
> 
> H and W at a restaurant with friends. Tables are tightly placed together allowing just enough room for waiters and waitress to work their tables. As the W is sitting at the table a waiter walks up behind the W with his back turned taking the food order from the adjacent table. The W turns her head and sees the waiter rear basically in her face. W then motions to squeeze the waiter rear while smiling. The W then takes it a bit further asking others at their table to take a picture of her pretending to squeeze the waiters rear.
> 
> As a H and or just a bystander, what are your thoughts on this? If you as a H were to pretend to squeeze a waitress' rear end in a similar situation, then ask for pictures what would your W reaction be?


The wife just added someone else to #metoo


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Scenario:
> 
> H and W at a restaurant with friends. Tables are tightly placed together allowing just enough room for waiters and waitress to work their tables. As the W is sitting at the table a waiter walks up behind the W with his back turned taking the food order from the adjacent table. The W turns her head and sees the waiter rear basically in her face. W then motions to squeeze the waiter rear while smiling. The W then takes it a bit further asking others at their table to take a picture of her pretending to squeeze the waiters rear.
> 
> As a H and or just a bystander, what are your thoughts on this? If you as a H were to pretend to squeeze a waitress' rear end in a similar situation, then ask for pictures what would your W reaction be?


Not appropriate or respectful to the waiter or the spouse.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Agreed on all counts. Most state "it was only a joke" when they are called out on it.


Slight thread jack.I was in a bar in London one night with my brother and some friends,he is career military and based in the UK.There were a lot of soldiers in the bar,both British,Australian and American.I was standing at the bar talking to an Aussie girl when a Brit pushed up against her and then slapped her on the ass when she protested.He laughed loudly towards his friends and just as I was about to tell him where to go the girl hit him.I heard his nose break,he fell on the ground and then started crying.
Some of his friends came up and started *****ing,saying it was just a joke and she told them to **** off.She then offered to take any of them outside if they had the guts but none of them took her up on her offer.The last thing she did was to call them a bunch of lily livered limey bastards.
It turned out she was a martial arts instructor in the ADF.(Australian defense force).


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Slight thread jack.I was in a bar in London one night with my brother and some friends,he is career military and based in the UK.There were a lot of soldiers in the bar,both British,Australian and American.I was standing at the bar talking to an Aussie girl when a Brit pushed up against her and then slapped her on the ass when she protested.He laughed loudly towards his friends and just as I was about to tell him where to go the girl hit him.I heard his nose break,he fell on the ground and then started crying.
> Some of his friends came up and started *****ing,saying it was just a joke and she told them to **** off.She then offered to take any of them outside if they had the guts but none of them took her up on her offer.The last thing she did was to call them a bunch of lily livered limey bastards.
> It turned out she was a martial arts instructor in the ADF.(Australian defense force).


Good for her!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Wouldn’t be cool with me but I’m to old to date High schoolers


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Yes, Al Franken. He is part of the reason for this scenario. I don't know if Franken is married and none of my business but if he is, what did his W think of this? Funny, Al just being Al or an embarrassment?


exactly and yes he is married at least for now, granted he had taken this when he was just a comedian, but it demonstrates that nothing disappears forever.....and sometimes things we wish we could leave in the past would stay there. the best way is never to create something that could come back to haunt you in the future.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

According to law, the woman was sexually harassing employees of the restaurant. Under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 , employers must create and maintain a harassment-free workplace, and that obligation extends to nonemployees and customers. Her actions were sexual in nature and can easily be construed as offensive by anyone looking on, including other employees.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I see this as no harm and no foul. Her actions were a direct result of a server's bum in her face. She could have pinched her nose and let out an audible gasp. Then the server really would have been embarrassed. Gender doesn't matter.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Inappropriate.
Unwelcome.
Unknown (by waiter).

Not funny.
I think someone said it was tacky. It is.

And very un-classy.

If I were the H I'd be ashamed of my W's behavior.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Divorce her, as she's clearly cheating on you. I'll bet she was watching porn in the bathroom right before that, and it fueled her out-of-control female libido. Good thing you came here to TalkAboutDivorce to seek advice. 

Or-
Maybe you should all take a chill pill, and stop looking for problems where there are none. She didn't touch him. She didn't embarrass him. As a man who bartended and waited tables at 6 restaurants in my 20's, I'm quite sure the young man wouldn't have been offended. The lady was just being silly with her friends. No harm - No foul.

And maybe HE was sexually harassing HER, by putting his tight little butt in her face. Fire Him! Call the Health Department!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Lostinthought61 said:


> exactly and yes he is married at least for now, granted he had taken this when he was just a comedian, but it demonstrates that nothing disappears forever.....and sometimes things we wish we could leave in the past would stay there. the best way is never to create something that could come back to haunt you in the future.


I explain that to my kids. Instagram, FB, etc. These are now tools for employers, etc.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Divorce her, as she's clearly cheating on you. I'll bet she was watching porn in the bathroom right before that, and it fueled her out-of-control female libido. Good thing you came here to TalkAboutDivorce to seek advice.
> 
> Or-
> Maybe you should all take a chill pill, and stop looking for problems where there are none. She didn't touch him. She didn't embarrass him. As a man who bartended and waited tables at 6 restaurants in my 20's, I'm quite sure the young man wouldn't have been offended. The lady was just being silly with her friends. No harm - No foul.
> ...


Relax. It is a scenario.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I would see it as more disrespectful to the spouse than to the waiter. If it was a single woman, it might be a bit funny, but if it were a married woman it's just tacky and disrespectful. It certainly would cause issues if it were a man doing it to a waitress.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

Let's hope he doesn't have to pass gas! ???


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Respect is everything. She is not showing much for her husband. I may be bias because any lack of respect, especially in public, makes me crazy.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Scenario:
> 
> H and W at a restaurant with friends. Tables are tightly placed together allowing just enough room for waiters and waitress to work their tables. As the W is sitting at the table a waiter walks up behind the W with his back turned taking the food order from the adjacent table. The W turns her head and sees the waiter rear basically in her face. W then motions to squeeze the waiter rear while smiling. The W then takes it a bit further asking others at their table to take a picture of her pretending to squeeze the waiters rear.
> 
> As a H and or just a bystander, what are your thoughts on this? If you as a H were to pretend to squeeze a waitress' rear end in a similar situation, then ask for pictures what would your W reaction be?



- If I was single, I'd probably do that for giggles.


- When married and with your wife, not happening.


- You do that when single or our with friends and not your hubby or wife.


- Also the waiter/waitress could turn around and see what's going on and take it the wrong way......


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