# I know my marriage was a wreck for years but...



## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

This just really sucks, I know being on here since like 2009 I never got it together nor the marriage got better... 

Now that were divorcing I am a freaking wreck.... I want nothing more than to repair this yet two months ago I did nothing nor the past few years. 

Why do I feel like I have to fix it, why cant I just let go as she has? She told me she has not loved me for a few months. Which sucked cause all I was told was I DO NOT KNOW. Well, if I was told the truth month or two ago I bet I be better than I am now. I feel so freaking hurt and depressed.... I cannot stop thinking of her and memories... 

Why cant I just let go for the love of god!!!! I just want to curl up and do nothing, no appetite, sleep only few hours, mopping around...

Why did I not work on us long ago.. this is the worst thing ever knowing I could of and now I cannot I lost and have to be forced to quit... 

Man this is crazy, cannot believe it. sorry guys but I am just freaking out. I am losing everything. I am so worried about the child support any one have idea what it would be if I make about 1800 to 1900 maybe even 2000 by the time it is done??? 2 kids and I am in Illinois. 28% looks like what it will be....


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

tony8404 said:


> This just really sucks, I know being on here since like 2009 I never got it together nor the marriage got better...
> 
> Now that were divorcing I am a freaking wreck.... I want nothing more than to repair this yet two months ago I did nothing nor the past few years.
> 
> ...


I don't know about Illinois, but where I live child support is calculated based on a number of things, but one thing you might not realize is the amount of overnights you have the kids factors in. In other words, if you have 20% custody you're going to have to pay more than if you have 50%. Putting in your agreement that you can "have the kids whenever you want them" (like for dinner/outings) won't matter at all. They have to be overnights, actual custody.


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

28% minimum for two kids. So if you make $2000 net expect to pay at least $560 per month...plus insurance premium and 50% of any medical bills. 
Amount of overnights does not play any role, unless you get more than 50%... can still end up paying something.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

tony8404 said:


> This just really sucks, I know being on here since like 2009 I never got it together nor the marriage got better...
> 
> *Now that were divorcing I am a freaking wreck.... I want nothing more than to repair this yet two months ago I did nothing nor the past few years.
> 
> ...


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sorry you are hurting. Do you have an attorney? There are a lot of on line child support calculators that can give you a pretty good idea of what you might be looking at in terms of your obligation. Here's one I found pretty quickly, but I have no idea how accurate this one is.

Free Illinois Child Support Calculator

We can't tell you why you were unwilling to put any work into the relationship, that's something only you can really answer. That is, sadly, part of the work of recovery. You have an opportunity to grow from this divorce. So let yourself grieve for the loss of the marriage and then start the hard work of recovery. Learn about yourself and what led you to make the choices you did. You can still be the best father in the world for your kids. You can be active and present in their lives. Again, that is one of the choices you make.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sometimes marriages can continue without the necessary work being done (not happily but they do continue) but often they don't. Yours didn't. So unfortunately you have to accept that it's over and start planning your new life. 

Grieving the end of life as you've known it is normal but then you have to figure out your new life. When I was going through my divorce I had a legal pad filled with lists and notes (my ability to focus was not good at that point) and that way I didn't feel everything was spinning out of control every single minute. 

The truth is that the only thing that really helps get your life together is time. Sometimes it takes lots and lots of time. You'll get there.


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