# Ladies: What would you do?



## Belle703 (Nov 14, 2010)

Hey all,
I'm glad I found this forum cause I need help. My husband of 6 years abruptly left one night over a year ago and has been living with his sister. We have been in therapy the whole time and he has said he will come home and he is committed to me. During this year, he won't tell me that he loves me.

A week ago in our counseling, he was "brutally honest" and said he is happy to be alone and wants to go with his friends to sporting events on the weekend and he said he cares about me and if that means he loves me, then he does.

The big kicker is, he doesn't want to get divorced...he can't imagine he life without me???

Any advice?


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

it sounds like your husband wants to have his cake and eat it too.

He wants total freedom, a completely single life, but he doesn't want a divorce, for whatever reasons..could be to keep tabs on you, could be for your moral support to string you along so you're there when he needs you, it could be he feels he stands to lose a lot in divorce court to you.

He doesn't love you, he cares about your existence, he doesn't want to be with you..but he doesn't want a divorce. sounds like time for you to move on to me.


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

cowboy fence-rider! lol NOT fair to keep you in this position. Ill tell you what I once said to my current husband: crap or get off the pot!!!! your feelings are wayyyy too important to be kept in his back pocket and they need to be addressed. I would revoke my marriage with him & require a courtship if he does come down off his fence. Also- does he see u as laid back? does he think his lifestyle isn't possible if you were living together? did you get controlling & freak him out?
seriously consider the past but be realistic about your future & how it feels to be on hold. He is not the only man and im sure if he selfishly crawels away then not like there isn't a man out there that CAN make up his mind aboout loving you. period.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

What does it matter what anyone else would do? What does it matter what your husband does or does not say? Decide for yourself what you should do, and that decision should be based on what YOU want and what YOU will and will not tolerate. If after a year, you have made no progress and still received no closure in therapy and for more than a year your husband still does not want to be with you, then what do you think it will take for you to make your own decisions? Find out what that is, and then decide for yourself and move on with your life. You have already missed too much sitting there waiting for your husband to decide for himself, which he has already done and told you what his decision is in more than 365 ways.


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## Belle703 (Nov 14, 2010)

You all are awesome and I love the honesty. I was not controlling, rather he is the controlling one. I felt as though I had a thumb in my back 24/7 and for NO reason, I was a very loyal wife...not my fault that his first wife cheated on him a few times.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

So, why would your husband prefer to live with his sister over you? Is his sister married? Have a family? Strange! And what does your therapist have to say about all of this? It's been a year and no progress has been made. In all honesty I'm wondering about the therapist as well.


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