# wife unsure!



## bummed ok (Jan 8, 2012)

Hello,We have been married 4 10 years 2 kids here 1 in heaven lost baby in 05'.We both carry full time jobs kids 9 and 4,I think we have fell into a rut,I help with everything around the home,she does sometimes.I don't feel like I am doing all but my fair share plus.I know that i am a pretty good catch,but we are having some difficulties.She says the old cliche I love you ,but i am not in love with you.She feels we should seperate which for me is not an option.The kids deserve better than that.I want to know is the wife going through a phase of questioning her past choices,is it going to get better or am I doomed?Is there something i can do to show her that she is still in love with me?Do I need a lawyer,I sure hope not I want to save my marriage.Any suggestions?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yeah, find the OM because her words and actions are those of a woman in an affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

bummed,

The first two red flags in nearly ever story of infidelity I`ve heard is when a wife tells her husband she loves him but isn`t "in" love with him AND then asks for a separation in order to figure herself out.

You can do nothing until you`ve eliminated the possibility of an affair because quite honestly that`s what it sounds like is going on.

Are there any other red flags?
does she.. guard her phone, text a lot, live on Facebook?
New clothes, different schedules, lost free time?
talking about any new male colleague too much lately?


----------



## bummed ok (Jan 8, 2012)

No other red flags.I don't think she is looking but have been wrong.I don't think she is or has time for it!


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

bummed ok said:


> No other red flags.I don't think she is looking but have been wrong.I don't think she is or has time for it!


bummed, I`m not trying to bum you more but seriously those two flags always mean there is some other male interest in her mind in some capacity.

Almost always.

You need to do some investigating.

Get hold of her cell records if you can or her phone.
Check the call and text logs.

If you can access the phone records themselves you`re in better shape as she can delete traces off the phone herself.
Check her browsing history on the computer.

Knowing what I know about those two red flags if I ever personally ever received them from my wife I would immediately ...

Put a VAR in her car and studio.
Slap a GPS device on her car.
Install a GPS app on her phone.
Install a keylogger on her computer
Check her phone and computer temp files/sim card for deleted files/texts.
Check bank/credit card records

I would go to those extremes tomorrow if I got the two flags you did and I`ve never had a reason to believe my wife was cheating.
I wouldn`t **** around with it and I wouldn`t let on that I was suspicious.

I would consider her cheating until a couple of weeks of this relentless investigating found nothing.

It`s that serious.


----------



## StrongerNow (Jan 11, 2012)

If you have ANY interest in actually saving your marriage be VERY careful about all that "Investigation". She will resent it and, now I know this is hard for some men here to understand, women do have these feelings all by themselves. But, snoop a little and get deeper into this.


----------



## bummed ok (Jan 8, 2012)

I do want to save my marriage.I have done some investigating found nothing out of the ordinary.Talked to all her friends and nothing there ether.I do feel she has not cheated and will not.She very rarely beats around the bush,I really feel that if there was another she would not be able to keep me from finding out"small town".I think she is going through a phase fixen to be 30 and has a lot of recall of where her life has gone.I am looking for repairs if at all possible not all the so called red flags,mean that she is cheating!!!Any other questions? I love my wife and am not willing to give up!!!


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

bummed ok said:


> I am looking for repairs if at all possible not all the so called red flags,mean that she is cheating!!!Any other questions? I love my wife and am not willing to give up!!!


I will give you a pass on the red flags, but in reading these forums you will see that most people that have been cheated on deny at first that their spouse could be cheating on them. Stay alert.

As for what to do, you need to alpha up, let her go and move on. It takes two to save a marraige. If she is not willing then it cannot be saved. You begging and pleading will only reinforce that you are not a worthy mate for her. You letting her go actually will increase the odds that she will change her mind and try to repair the marriage, because she will respect you and be attracted to your alpha attitude.

If she is not cheating then chances are it is probably over. Ironically, if she is cheating, you might have a better chance of getting her back since you would know to attack the affair fog. Sorry to be the one to tell you this but the truth is not always what you want to hear.


----------



## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Yea - Bummed_ok - the rule of thumb to use for ILYBINILWY speech in conjunction with a "separation" request is to draw up Divorce papers.

You don't remember covering trial separations to "find yourselves" in your marriage vows do you? If you did, this wouldn't be an issue, hence, separation means "explore with someone else - even if there is no one at the present moment". To me, the wedding vows still apply until divorced, so give her what she wants, and you can find a woman who will give you what you need.

Side advantage is, being strong like this, may snap your woman out of it. You can always withdraw a divorce petition before it being finalized. Use this time to man-up. good luck.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If she is not cheating---then why now does she not intimately love you---and WHY does she want to be out on her own

You would be surprised how a cheater fits in the meetings, if they really want the A.

If she goes out on her own, you will have no idea of what she is doing
Also why, would she wanna waste all that money involved in setting up a 2nd household, that the marital assets will have to cover

Before she leaves----get all the marital finances, in an acct. with only your name on it---cancel all joint credit cards, and is she is determined to go---make sure she signs a legal seperation, otherwise you are still liable for her debts.


----------

