# My wife had an emotional affair w her female friend, a massage therapist



## losing my wife (Jan 21, 2017)

I introduced my Wife to an old highschool female friend of mine, who is a massage therapist. Shortly thereafter, my wife and I went thru the worst several months of our entire 17 yr marriage. My Wife had always adored me, and put me on a pedestal that I honestly didn't deserve. Think co-dependence, she needed and trusted me too much. I even told her so a few times. We always had a very good sex life, but my wife had problems reaching orgasm unless she'd had a few drinks. 

Her new friend was very "spiritual" (think Hippy Heaven lifestyle) and bi-sexual. I sincerely believe my wife would never cheat on me w another man. Anyway, after a few months of their once a week paid massage appts where they would hang out and chat for an hour or two after the massage, I started noticing my wife wouldn't be where she said she was. "I'm running to the bank and to our wholesale account to make a payment" except she never made it to either location. She also started hiding her phone, keeping her phone on her person at all times. She got very distanced from me, and eventually it escalated into her kicking me out for a few weeks even, so she could "find herself".

Short version, I found out she was spending 4-6 days per week w her friend, much more than the one day a week I knew about. She had no reason to hide this from me? What do I care if she wants to hang out w her friends? I'm not controlling, I don't care what she does w her time. Then on New Years Eve, she left her phone on the counter and I looked thru it. I was shocked! They had been texting eachother "good morning gorgeous" "good morning sexy" etc every single morning 7 days per week for months. I have a real problem w this, I feel that your spouse should be the first person you greet in the mornings. And of course, she had been very careful to hide all of this. There were many other texts, including some very hurtful and extremely private messages about me. She even dogged our sex life in graphic detail (our sex life wasn't great at the moment, we were fighting due to her detaching from me)

I confronted her, she denied everything. I told her I read her phone, she was very angry (why? We've never hidden our phones from eachother??). She said they were "just friends" and that I was being an *******. The secret meetings & texts continued for the next 2 months, until our marriage was truly on the verge of ending. Finally, she broke down and admitted she had (in her words) "An unhealthy attachment". 

She offered to stop seeing her friend, but asked if I was ok w her still getting the weekly massages. I don't want to control her, so to this day they still do weekly professional massages. (which drive me up the wall!). 

Another huge aspect; my wife during this time blossomed into a sexual monster! Most guys would be happy, and I won't deny that I love the multiple orgasms on cue, the constant need for sex, the crazy use of toys. My problem is, she didn't learn all this w me. I sincerely believe something sexual happened to unleash my Wife's sexual potential. Perhaps she has orgasms on the massage table, and learned how to finally orgasm while sober. Even that, tho somewhat innocent, drives me nuts that she would hide it from me. 

One more example: She planned a beach trip w her girlfriends. Not a big deal, been an annual event for years. I asked her not to bring her new friend. She said ok. I ended up finding out the beach trip was specifically planned for her new friends Birthday! I confronted her, she asked me not to cancel. Her sister was going, whom I love and trust. I said I had one condition, that she shares a bed w her sister and NOT her friend. She agreed. After the beach trip, I felt something was wrong. I eventually called her sister, to find out my Wife spend the entire weekend sharing her bed w her friend!! WTF??

Any ideas??? I've never had anxiety issues in my life until now. Every Thursday while she's at her massage appt, I drive myself nuts. She had never lied to me, not even about small normal stuff. Now she hid her daily activities for months! Secret texts, talking about very private issues & details or our lives. It does seem that the worst of it is over. Does not appear to be any more secret meetings or texts.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Cheating is cheating.

She gave her mind, emotions and body to another human. She cheated in grand style. Grand Dame assisted style.

She must go NC. No contact. No back, belly and "happy" ending rubs. 

Oh, no talking and texting, each other, also.

Wake up.

She sure has!

If the Rub-Her hits the road again, she needs to massage herself out of your life. And at your behest.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

First, I don't think that's an emotional affair, that's a full-on sexual affair.

Your wife is way more focused on her girlfriend than on her marriage, she's lying to you to continue her affair, and you are letting her get away with it. Are you distracted by the improvement in your sex life?

If she can't focus 100% on your marriage, if she can't respect you and tell you the truth, including stopping the massages and going full no contact with her girlfriend, then you don't have much of a marriage anymore.

Pretend it's a sexual affair with a male masseuse, and act just the same.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I would divorce her. 

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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Unfortunately, you are stuck in a position where you will have to shock her to bring her down to earth. I'd wager that she does not consider this to be an affair. Secondarily you have evidence that she ignored your request that she not sleep in the same bed as her AP, which would be your opener.

It may come down to you having a lawyer draft a divorce, which is one of the great shockers. One suggests that you have the confrontation with her using the request that you made. You can gauge where to go from there.

Oh, and PS, massage therapists (RMT's) are governed by state licensing boards. Your wife's little friend could lose her license to practice over this. Sex is nice, but when you no longer can afford to feed yourself, sex sort of flies out the window.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Taxman said:


> Unfortunately, you are stuck in a position where you will have to shock her to bring her down to earth. I'd wager that she does not consider this to be an affair. Secondarily you have evidence that she ignored your request that she not sleep in the same bed as her AP, which would be your opener.
> 
> It may come down to you having a lawyer draft a divorce, which is one of the great shockers. One suggests that you have the confrontation with her using the request that you made. You can gauge where to go from there.
> 
> *Oh, and PS, massage therapists (RMT's) are governed by state licensing boards. Your wife's little friend could lose her license to practice over this*. Sex is nice, but when you no longer can afford to feed yourself, sex sort of flies out the window.


Nice. I like the way you think.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> First, I don't think that's an emotional affair, that's a full-on sexual affair.
> 
> Your wife is way more focused on her girlfriend than on her marriage, she's lying to you to continue her affair, and you are letting her get away with it. Are you distracted by the improvement in your sex life?
> 
> ...



:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I hate this...I do.

A beautiful women....wasted. Wasted on another women.

I have heard MANY women say this about handsome gay men.

This is America...I can think and say these things.....so far.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
You are sharing your W with another, gender notwithstanding. It may somehow feel less emasculating or worrisome because they share the same genital configuration as your W but it, in true reality, is not. Unless you can come to grips with sharing her you should put serious effort into breaking up their tryst. Their "profesional" massage is merely a clandestine way to spend an hour together having sex. Have you verified she is even going to a business establishment and not a hotel or the OW's house? Your screen name bodes ominous.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I'm seeing a trend here with any post that has lesbians in it. 

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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

losing my wife said:


> I introduced my Wife to an old highschool female friend of mine, who is a massage therapist. Shortly thereafter, my wife and I went thru the worst several months of our entire 17 yr marriage. My Wife had always adored me, and put me on a pedestal that I honestly didn't deserve. Think co-dependence, she needed and trusted me too much. I even told her so a few times. We always had a very good sex life, but my wife had problems reaching orgasm unless she'd had a few drinks.
> Her new friend was very "spiritual" (think Hippy Heaven lifestyle) and bi-sexual. I sincerely believe my wife would never cheat on me w another man. Anyway, after a few months of their once a week paid massage appts where they would hang out and chat for an hour or two after the massage, I started noticing my wife wouldn't be where she said she was. "I'm running to the bank and to our wholesale account to make a payment" except she never made it to either location. She also started hiding her phone, keeping her phone on her person at all times. She got very distanced from me, and eventually it escalated into her *kicking me out for a few weeks even, so she could "find herself".*
> 
> she didn't kick you out. You left because she wanted you to. Don't ever leave your home.
> ...


What's amazing is you've apparently swallowed all this and have become paralyzed to put your foot down. Now the cow is out of the barn so good luck getting it back in.


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

sounds like a It's a full on sexual affair she's gas lighting you bro.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Her sister told you she spent the time there in a bad with OW?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Yeah, I think she's in the midst of a physical affair that probably continues to this day because she is still seeing the masseuse weekly for massages. Here's a question: what in the world does your wife do that would cause her to need a massage EVERY WEEK? And the cost of that must be huge too. I would tell her to find another massage therapist and to cut all contact with this woman. Then, get yourselves into marital counselling.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Ursula said:


> Yeah, I think she's in the midst of a physical affair that probably continues to this day because she is still seeing the masseuse weekly for massages. Here's a question: what in the world does your wife do that would cause her to need a massage EVERY WEEK? And the cost of that must be huge too. I would tell her to find another massage therapist and to cut all contact with this woman. Then, get yourselves into marital counselling.


I'm guessing she doesn't pay in cash.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Perhaps this is a situation where you need to be controlling.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OK, she is very likely having an affair with this woman. There is an emotional part and a physical part. 

You need to think carefully about what parts bother you, and what is and isn't acceptable. Then you need to tell her. 

Do you care if she is having sex with that woman? That is up to you. Some men would care a lot, others wouldn't. 

Personally, I would care a lot more about the emotional affair than the physical one if our sex life was still good, but its up to YOU what bothers YOU. 

If it were me, I'd tell here that it is OK to have sex with this woman as long as she doesn't hide it, and as long as our sex life remained good.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Okay, anyone notice OP posted once in January and hasn't been here since. 

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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Nope, didn't notice. My bad.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife had sex with her best friend and moved her into our home, gave her a room and had sex with her for the next 30 years. They let me participate for the first few years but afterwards, I was just an accessory to help them get each other off. They cut me off from intercourse for longer than any of us can remember, maybe 15-20 years ago. I am wearing a chastity cage and get 3 -4 orgasms a year. My wife prefers sex with women and is not a penis fan. So things can be much worse. In our case though, my wife was upfront and did not sneak around. To me, the sex or emotional feelings are not the problem, the lying and deceiving is.

I had a fling with a friend's ex wife who is a massage therapist. As she told me, she is massing people every day and some of their clients make it known that anything more she does is OK by them. If you are smart you would tell your wife to set up a threesome with her girlfriend. That is what I did as a condition for moving my wife's girlfriend in. I had a few thousand threesomes over our 44 years of marriage. Despite no intercourse for half of our marriage, watching two girls have sex and getting and giving oral, is not a bad sex life.


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## emmasmith (Aug 11, 2016)

From my opinion, you should go for relationship therapist!


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> I'm seeing a trend here with any post that has lesbians in it.


It gets a ton of replies? :wink2:


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Sometimes you just have to see the silver lining. Wife who adores you, blossoming into a sexual monster, female massage therapist, et cetera. I can see that silver lining from here.

Oooops, zombie thread. Oh what the hell.


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## RebelliousRed (Sep 15, 2017)

How old is she? This honestly sounds like she just has a friend to me. Girls are weird with friends. My husband totally doesn't get it at all. We def describe sex in detail to one another and hang out and snuggle and watch movies. We also text "hey sexy" and crap like that. I have a huge group of girls who are friends who act like this. Never had a sexual relationship. I'm 29. I would be annoyed with you too if I was her. You seem really paranoid and slightly controlling.


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## losing my wife (Jan 21, 2017)

Hey all, it's been a long time since I posted the OG thread. TBH, the damn Forum membership hit my Spam folder and I just now saw all of this lol. I wasn't going to reply, but what the hell. If my experiences can help others, then it's worth the time. 
Prior to all this crap, we had a solid marriage. I was distant and distracted at times (like all guys. Working on my toys, hanging w friends, etc). I got caught up in my own **** and pretty much let all this happen. Not because I'm weak, more because I just couldn't bring myself to see it and I was working my ass off. We'd never had any issues like this whatsoever in the past. My Wife couldn't tell a small lie even when she prob should lol. I started a business a few years ago prior to my first post and it had really started to take off including several employees and some larger accounts, and I was working 7 days per week most weeks and minimum 12-14hr days for the past 9 months prior to my last post. What little free time I had was spent w my buddies for the most part, or on Family Vacations. But basically I wasn't available for my Wife when she needed me emotionally, and really never allotted time for just the two of us. I was doing my half of the chores, taking care of sex, taking care of my kids when I needed to, etc. In my defense, I expected her to support me and wait for my relatively new business to grow enough for me to hire some more help and work less hours.
We had several arguements about the issues we were having, until finally I made a conscious decision to accept my part of the blame (I know, sounds pansy). We went about 2-3 months w out talking about the issues, during which time she stopped getting massages from her friend. I took a small pay cut, gave away a few accounts we really didn't need and made a conscious choice to win her back. We've both always been very athletic, so I bought us some nice SUP boards and we started hitting the water together whenever we could after work. Paddle Boarding together was a marriage saver! It was calming and yet physically challenging, and it gave us time to be alone but doing something active therefore neither of us felt the need to talk the entire time. We got to just enjoy eachother again.
Finally I felt it was time to confront her one last time, and I did it more aggressively. She confessed to "An unhealthy emotional attachment". I asked her to sever the last bit of ties w her friend, and she did. I asked that we not hide our phones or anything from eachother ever again, and she has stuck to her end of the deal. I asked her in detail if it ever got physical, and she swears up & down it did not. Like some other people have said, the emotional part is damn near more hurtful anyway. I do believe her that it never got physical, but I can't help but think it was prob heading that direction. If I wouldn't have sucked up my pride and remembered why I married her in the 1st place, I would have lost her for good. I still don't think I deserved to be treated like that! She has apologized in detail for everything. She'll randomly apologize and reassure me to this day that she will never detach from me like that again. 
We are closer now than we have been in years. The sex is still amazing! I confronted her about the sex, asked her point blank why she had opened up so much sexually and did it have anything to do with her friend. Her answer was; "It did not have anything to do w my friend, but I don't totally know the exact reasons. I'm in my mid-30's and my sex drive is higher. I'm still young enough to be fit, but old enough to stop worrying about my stretch marks from 2 kids. I'm finally 100% comfortable in my own skin. Also, getting my tubes tied recently meant no more worrying about birth control and took that stress off me" Seemed like a pretty honest answer to me. 
At least in our scenario, the marriage was definitely worth saving!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She got the happy ending....
From you, with you!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

losing my wife said:


> Hey all, it's been a long time since I posted the OG thread. TBH, the damn Forum membership hit my Spam folder and I just now saw all of this lol. I wasn't going to reply, but what the hell. If my experiences can help others, then it's worth the time.
> Prior to all this crap, we had a solid marriage. I was distant and distracted at times (like all guys. Working on my toys, hanging w friends, etc). I got caught up in my own **** and pretty much let all this happen. Not because I'm weak, more because I just couldn't bring myself to see it and I was working my ass off. We'd never had any issues like this whatsoever in the past. My Wife couldn't tell a small lie even when she prob should lol. I started a business a few years ago prior to my first post and it had really started to take off including several employees and some larger accounts, and I was working 7 days per week most weeks and minimum 12-14hr days for the past 9 months prior to my last post. What little free time I had was spent w my buddies for the most part, or on Family Vacations. But basically I wasn't available for my Wife when she needed me emotionally, and really never allotted time for just the two of us. I was doing my half of the chores, taking care of sex, taking care of my kids when I needed to, etc. In my defense, I expected her to support me and wait for my relatively new business to grow enough for me to hire some more help and work less hours.
> We had several arguements about the issues we were having, until finally I made a conscious decision to accept my part of the blame (I know, sounds pansy). We went about 2-3 months w out talking about the issues, during which time she stopped getting massages from her friend. I took a small pay cut, gave away a few accounts we really didn't need and made a conscious choice to win her back. We've both always been very athletic, so I bought us some nice SUP boards and we started hitting the water together whenever we could after work. Paddle Boarding together was a marriage saver! It was calming and yet physically challenging, and it gave us time to be alone but doing something active therefore neither of us felt the need to talk the entire time. We got to just enjoy eachother again.
> Finally I felt it was time to confront her one last time, and I did it more aggressively. She confessed to "An unhealthy emotional attachment". I asked her to sever the last bit of ties w her friend, and she did. I asked that we not hide our phones or anything from eachother ever again, and she has stuck to her end of the deal. I asked her in detail if it ever got physical, and she swears up & down it did not. Like some other people have said, the emotional part is damn near more hurtful anyway. I do believe her that it never got physical, but I can't help but think it was prob heading that direction. If I wouldn't have sucked up my pride and remembered why I married her in the 1st place, I would have lost her for good. I still don't think I deserved to be treated like that! She has apologized in detail for everything. She'll randomly apologize and reassure me to this day that she will never detach from me like that again.
> ...


I suggest you at least get marriage counseling. So many men like you get over the trauma hit the point where they are kind of bored and safe, maybe mid-life crisis and don't feel loyalty is necessary as they feel they didn't have it from their wives. The cheated on husband who walks away is a real thing that happens a lot. Besides that she had an affair, that is a character issue, most of the times these don't go away. There are going to be other times in your life when you are busy her coping mechanism of going to someone else is going to show up again some day.


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## losing my wife (Jan 21, 2017)

I appreciate your sincere response. I'm gonna call it fate that my membership hit my spam folder, as if I had read half the negative/spiteful/conspiracy posts in response to my original heartbreaking post, who knows how that would have twisted my mind. We have done some marriage counseling, we've put in some good steps to ensure something like this doesn't happen again. 18 years married as of last June. I truly believe this was a one-off incident based off "the perfect storm". Her having an emotional affair w another Woman stings to this day, but I think we do need to admit there is a difference that it was a Woman and not another Man. She has all female Doctors, massage, etc, she would never put herself in a situation where something could ever possibly happen w another Man. I truly was not emotionally available to her the 9 months or so prior to this happening, whereas in our entire marriage leading up to that point I had always been there for her and her for me. I got sucked into the stresses of running a business and my own crap. Yes, stresses in life are bound to happen again, but I won't let myself get to that point ever again. We've had some large life stresses/challenges since (family & friends deaths, injuries, etc) and we have come together for support like we always used to prior to her emotional affair. I will also admit, it feels good (not that anything about the situation felt good!) knowing that I wasn't just being crazy & paranoid. I was really starting to question my sanity before she finally admitted. Like someone else on the forum said, it is normal for Women to have very close relationships w other Women.....but this was more than that. I still get paranoid at times. I wish I didn't, and I don't have any reasons too. We hang out together every evening. Part of my compromise; I stop whatever project I'm working on and come home to be w her no later than 7:30pm unless it's truly something that cannot wait, and if that's the case than I clearly communicate w her. Thank you for your time and advice


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## losing my wife (Jan 21, 2017)

Thank you for the positive reply!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I wish you both well.

However, I feel counselling will be of benefit. Your wife nearly threw her marriage away and needs to find out why this happened to ensure it doesn't not recur.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hmmmmmmm.

Really?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I'm glad you have this worked out. The main ingredient for success moving forward has to be communication. If she (or you) feels neglected in the future, it needs to be discussed and fixed.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

losing my wife said:


> . 18 years married as of last June. I truly believe this was a one-off incident based off "the perfect storm". Her having an emotional affair w another Woman stings to this day, but I think we do need to admit there is a difference that it was a Woman and not another Man.


I am glad you worked things out, good for you. There are people here whose wife left them for another woman. So, no, "we" do not need to admit anything or that there is a difference.


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## losing my wife (Jan 21, 2017)

Very true, I didn't mean for it to come off as minimizing. I guess what I meant was; she never put herself in a compromising situation w another man. Never went to lunch or spent any time w another man. With this woman, it started off as a friendship and slowly developed into something more, but if it were a man, the warning signs would have been noticed and dealt with much much sooner.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

losing my wife said:


> I introduced my Wife to an old highschool female friend of mine, who is a massage therapist. Shortly thereafter, my wife and I went thru the worst several months of our entire 17 yr marriage. My Wife had always adored me, and put me on a pedestal that I honestly didn't deserve. Think co-dependence, she needed and trusted me too much. I even told her so a few times. We always had a very good sex life, but my wife had problems reaching orgasm unless she'd had a few drinks.
> Her new friend was very "spiritual" (think Hippy Heaven lifestyle) and bi-sexual. I sincerely believe my wife would never cheat on me w another man. Anyway, after a few months of their once a week paid massage appts where they would hang out and chat for an hour or two after the massage, I started noticing my wife wouldn't be where she said she was. "I'm running to the bank and to our wholesale account to make a payment" except she never made it to either location. She also started hiding her phone, keeping her phone on her person at all times. She got very distanced from me, and eventually it escalated into her kicking me out for a few weeks even, so she could "find herself".
> Short version, I found out she was spending 4-6 days per week w her friend, much more than the one day a week I knew about. She had no reason to hide this from me? What do I care if she wants to hang out w her friends? I'm not controlling, I don't care what she does w her time. Then on New Years Eve, she left her phone on the counter and I looked thru it. I was shocked! They had been texting eachother "good morning gorgeous" "good morning sexy" etc every single morning 7 days per week for months. I have a real problem w this, I feel that your spouse should be the first person you greet in the mornings. And of course, she had been very careful to hide all of this. There were many other texts, including some very hurtful and extremely private messages about me. She even dogged our sex life in graphic detail (our sex life wasn't great at the moment, we were fighting due to her detaching from me)
> I confronted her, she denied everything. I told her I read her phone, she was very angry (why? We've never hidden our phones from eachother??). She said they were "just friends" and that I was being an *******. The secret meetings & texts continued for the next 2 months, until our marriage was truly on the verge of ending. Finally, she broke down and admitted she had (in her words) "An unhealthy attachment".
> ...


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I have say that you rug sweep her affair completely just because she was another woman instead of a man, an affair is an affair and on top of that she lied to your face several time... you truly are a weak man...I hope she offered you a hall pass as a consolation prize.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

losing my wife said:


> I introduced my Wife to an old highschool female friend of mine, who is a massage therapist. Shortly thereafter, my wife and I went thru the worst several months of our entire 17 yr marriage. My Wife had always adored me, and put me on a pedestal that I honestly didn't deserve. Think co-dependence, she needed and trusted me too much. I even told her so a few times. We always had a very good sex life, but my wife had problems reaching orgasm unless she'd had a few drinks.
> Her new friend was very "spiritual" (think Hippy Heaven lifestyle) and bi-sexual. I sincerely believe my wife would never cheat on me w another man. Anyway, after a few months of their once a week paid massage appts where they would hang out and chat for an cake eatinhour or two after the massage, I started noticing my wife wouldn't be where she said she was. "I'm running to the bank and to our wholesale account to make a payment" except she never made it to either location. She also started hiding her phone, keeping her phone on her person at all times. She got very distanced from me, and eventually it escalated into her kicking me out for a few weeks even, so she could "find herself".
> Short version, I found out she was spending 4-6 days per week w her friend, much more than the one day a week I knew about. She had no reason to hide this from me? What do I care if she wants to hang out w her friends? I'm not controlling, I don't care what she does w her time. Then on New Years Eve, she left her phone on the counter and I looked thru it. I was shocked! They had been texting eachother "good morning gorgeous" "good morning sexy" etc every single morning 7 days per week for months. I have a real problem w this, I feel that your spouse should be the first person you greet in the mornings. And of course, she had been very careful to hide all of this. There were many other texts, including some very hurtful and extremely private messages about me. She even dogged our sex life in graphic detail (our sex life wasn't great at the moment, we were fighting due to her detaching from me)
> I confronted her, she denied everything. I told her I read her phone, she was very angry (why? We've never hidden our phones from eachother??). She said they were "just friends" and that I was being an *******. The secret meetings & texts continued for the next 2 months, until our marriage was truly on the verge of ending. Finally, she broke down and admitted she had (in her words) "An unhealthy attachment".
> ...


Cake eating.

If your ok with your wife having a sexual girlfriend while you get the crumbs.

Maybe its time for you to get a girlfriend on the side?

No its time to pull the plug on this sham oa marriage.f


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

losing my wife said:


> I introduced my Wife to an old highschool female friend of mine, who is a massage therapist. Shortly thereafter, my wife and I went thru the worst several months of our entire 17 yr marriage. My Wife had always adored me, and put me on a pedestal that I honestly didn't deserve. Think co-dependence, she needed and trusted me too much. I even told her so a few times. We always had a very good sex life, but my wife had problems reaching orgasm unless she'd had a few drinks.
> 
> Her new friend was very "spiritual" (think Hippy Heaven lifestyle) and bi-sexual. I sincerely believe my wife would never cheat on me w another man. Anyway, after a few months of their once a week paid massage appts where they would hang out and chat for an hour or two after the massage, I started noticing my wife wouldn't be where she said she was. "I'm running to the bank and to our wholesale account to make a payment" except she never made it to either location. She also started hiding her phone, keeping her phone on her person at all times. She got very distanced from me, and eventually it escalated into her kicking me out for a few weeks even, so she could "find herself".
> 
> ...




Can you get free four hand massage with a happy ending?
No, she definitely cheated with her but you might as well make the best of it now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

inmyprime said:


> Can you get free four hand massage with a happy ending?
> No, she is definitely cheating with her but you might as well make the best of it now.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Fify.

losing my wife, you described your wife as codependent, but I think you really should look in the mirror on that. A strong, healthy masculine man would have already filed for divorce.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Isn't it that little caution exclamation-point-in-a-triangle at the lower left of every post? I use it immediately when I see one of those "contact Mr. Spellcaster" postings.


Thanks.


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## losing my wife (Jan 21, 2017)

VladDracul said:


> Sometimes you just have to see the silver lining. Wife who adores you, blossoming into a sexual monster, female massage therapist, et cetera. I can see that silver lining from here.
> 
> Oooops, zombie thread. Oh what the hell.



I'm still here, and I did read all the comments. I just don't spend much time online and have never been on a forum before. I can see where you can see the silver lining lol. I can see it too. I just didn't like the lying behind my back bull****. Zombie thread that was being read......


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## losing my wife (Jan 21, 2017)

Nucking Futs said:


> Fify.
> 
> losing my wife, you described your wife as codependent, but I think you really should look in the mirror on that. A strong, healthy masculine man would have already filed for divorce.


Ah gotcha, this must be the same badass that ditches his kids without remorse and ends up trading down for a younger chick half as hot just so he can have total control and feel masculine again.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Seriously no update?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

losing my wife said:


> Ah gotcha, this must be the same badass that ditches his kids without remorse and ends up trading down for a younger chick half as hot just so he can have total control and feel masculine again.


Have a nice life, cupcake.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

losing my wife said:


> Ah gotcha, this must be the same badass that ditches his kids without remorse and ends up trading down for a younger chick half as hot just so he can have total control and feel masculine again.


No the badass that ditches the cheating wife and gets 50/50 custody of his kids. Then finds a woman that really loves him.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

His update reads “ I let my wife have sex with who ever she wants now”.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Jeez Louise it sounds like some people are actually jealous there was a happy ending here, and the OP was able to successfully work this problem out with this spouse. Some people on this forum push people toward the divorce option so strongly that I swear they must own significant shares in divorce lawyer firms or something. 

I don't consider divorce to always be the optimal outcome. If a couple can work things out between them, I'm very happy for them.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

losing my wife said:


> Very true, I didn't mean for it to come off as minimizing. I guess what I meant was; she never put herself in a compromising situation w another man. Never went to lunch or spent any time w another man. With this woman, it started off as a friendship and slowly developed into something more, but if it were a man, the warning signs would have been noticed and dealt with much much sooner.


Head-in-Sand....


You would like to think that wouldn't you... Instead of her tossing 18 years away finding out your partner in life is now gay. Closet, but yes, she is gay. Minimizing and cake eating. She rug swept and you are going along for it. You are now plan B. As long as you know this going in, so be it....Its YOUR happiness that is counting here. Not ours. But like all posters are saying....You are still in infidelity. And that will lead to resentment and disaster later. Always does....


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Losingmywife,

A year or so back you wrote stuff like this.... 

"eventually called her sister, to find out my Wife spend the entire weekend sharing her bed w her friend!! WTF??"

And you still believe it was only an "emotional affair"

I wouldn't continue the marriage without a polygraph.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ABHale said:


> His update reads “ I let my wife have sex with who ever she wants now”.


Shaking my head and laughing but sighing in the same respect. 

All I can say is pretty much.


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## bajaherbie (May 20, 2017)

Maybe she lets him watch...

Sent from my SM-G920R4 using Tapatalk


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

One thing I never would be OK with is my wife going on vacation or away overnight without me. Things happen like that. My wife never even went out to clubs or bars without me and I reciprocated. As my wife used to say, why tempt fate especially in places where they serve drinks and with single girls no less. So many cheating stories start out with the wife or husband going out at night with their friends. Our friends were all married and believe like we did that we go out as couples of not at all. Sure there was the very occasion baby shower or bachelor party. I met members of my club for breakfast once a month and my wife went shopping with her girlfriends. However, nothing where guys would be there for the express purpose of meeting girls.

My wife had an EA with her old high school girlfriend so after we married and her girlfriend got back from college. They would go everywhere together and my wife’s girlfriend was always spending weekends or even a week staying with us. When her girlfriend got divorced they got even closer. I never felt threatened and was glad my wife had a good friend to hang with. Her girlfriend married a friend of mine so we saw each other at least once a week until their divorce 2 years later. I went fishing with the husband every weekend and the wives went shopping or out for lunch. 

Where our stories differ is that I turned that EA into a threesome that reoccurred over and over again for the next 30 years. Turns out that my wife’s girlfriend is bi and my wife was just discovering her attraction to her. Luckily my wife was insistent that all sex and dates/trips and vacations include me, which she faithfully upheld despite my OK with her doing things with her friend without me. I am very secure in what I brought to the table but if I did not do things with them, they refused to do it unless it was ordinary stuff like a lunch when I was at work or shopping at the mall. 

My wife was not trying to replace me with a woman. She only wanted to include her girlfriend in our life. We had a great life as a result and I had two women to love and who loved me back. My advice is not to drive your wife into sneaking around and lying to you. See if you can incorporate her female friend in your life, even if no sex is involved. We did lots of stuff like going to clubs for dinner and dancing as well as other date stuff long before we got sexual with each other. Even had we not been sexual, I really liked my wife’s girlfriend and enjoyed her company. 

I have a wife who is sexually attracted to women and yet I have not once worried about her cheating on me. She is a very loyal person and has said over and over again that I am her main lover and the only man in her life while her girlfriend is the only female in her life. Our marriage needs and me always came first to my wife. She fit in her girlfriend when she could and only after asking me if it is OK. I do not think being OK with your wife going away with the girls is a good idea, new EA friend or not. Not proud of this but over 40 years ago I had sex with several married women who were out without their husbands. They figured what he did not know would never hurt him. Perhaps this is why I am not fine with my wife putting herself in temptation’s way.


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