# Are same-sex marriage couples welcomed here?



## Apexmale

We all have seen the equality wars on television. The most prominent recently, has been on the topic of same sex-marriages. These types of marriages are legally gaining ground by leaps and bounds. Having said that, we'll be seeing more and more same sex couples marry which like a lot of other human beings, will seek support and advice from other successfully long term married couples.

I've seen married couples who practice "open-marriages" get hammered with insults here instead of finding sound advice they seek. Although this is still not a widely accepted form of marriage to most members, that opens my curiosity as to whether "same sex" marriages will be accepted here in TAM to ask for marriage advice or will the couples meet the same fate?

What do members think? Will you as a married man, give marriage advice to couples consisting of two men?

Will the women give marital advice to a couple consisting of two women?

Same-sex marriage partners will come here for divorce advice as well. I'm curious as to how members will recieve them.


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## tech-novelist

Maybe there should be a separate section for same-sex couples.
I know I would not be able to give reasonable advice, not through bias but just because I can't relate to the problem. Sex is a big part of marriage, and same-sex relationships are too different for me to relate to in that department.


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## Fozzy

I know of a few regulars on here that are in open relationships and don't get hammered for it. I think most of the hammering you're seeing is in situations where people are trying to fix a broken relationship by opening it up, which is not the soundest plan.

Same sex marriages have the same kinds of issues as the rest, and they're not just sexual issues. I don't see any issue with it.

Besides, they might just have some relevant advice for the heteros.


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## Apexmale

technovelist said:


> Maybe there should be a separate section for same-sex couples.
> I know I would not be able to give reasonable advice, not through bias but just because I can't relate to the problem. Sex is a big part of marriage, and same-sex relationships are too different for me to relate to in that department.


Yea, I think I would be at a loss for words on most topics.


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## Mr.Fisty

I personally already did, and last time she posted, she was doing better. I am straight myself, and personally do not need to understand what being a homosexual feels like to give advice. It was really no different than when I gave advice to hetero couples.


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## Anon Pink

Meh, I answered a sex question two years ago posted by a lesbian who had a GF who didn't want to go down on her. Reluctance to perform a sex act doesn't really chance if the nature of the relationship is hetero or ****.

Relationship dynamics don't change and become something completely different because the two participants are homosexual.

Men are men and women are women no matter who they fall in love with.

So to answer the OP, yes. If I'm here when the gays invade I'll make sure they feel welcome.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening
I am happy to give advice to same sex, open marriage, or in fact anyone who will listen (or can't escape). I always try to give the best advice I can, but as a monogamous heterosexual male, it may be that my advice is not particularly valuable for same-sex couples, or those in open relationships. OTOH sometimes seeing something from a different perspective is useful.

For my problems, I am happy to read advice from people in very different circumstances. 

Also hearing about other situations may be valuable. I would be interested in hearing for example from a HD/LD lesbian couple. It might provide insight into the HD/LD situation by separating out the gender differences. Similarly are there same sex couples where one is willing to do oral and the other isn't? 

From my point of view, people in same sex or other non-traditional marriages are very welcome here.


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## Fozzy

Anon Pink said:


> Meh, I answered a sex question two years ago posted by a lesbian who had a GF who didn't want to go down on her. Reluctance to perform a sex act doesn't really chance if the nature of the relationship is hetero or ****.
> 
> Relationship dynamics don't change and become something completely different because the two participants are homosexual.
> 
> Men are men and women are women no matter who they fall in love with.
> 
> So to answer the OP, yes. If I'm here when the gays invade I'll make sure they feel welcome.


I'll disagree SLIGHTLY with you. Relationship dynamics can definitely change when you're talking about two guys or two women, just based on the fact that men and women just think differently in so many ways. Gay guys are still guys and think like guys, so you'd have to take that into account when offering advice.

It doesn't mean it's some unknowable Rubiks Cube that needs it's own forum, but I can see those dynamics coming into play sometimes.


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## Apexmale

Fozzy said:


> I know of a few regulars on here that are in open relationships and don't get hammered for it. I think most of the hammering you're seeing is in situations where people are trying to fix a broken relationship by opening it up, which is not the soundest plan.
> 
> Same sex marriages have the same kinds of issues as the rest, and they're not just sexual issues. I don't see any issue with it.
> 
> Besides, they might just have some relevant advice for the heteros.


You gave a good example, it would be a good topic as well. Opening up a struggling marriage to others would be good advice if it helps, but it is then considered a bad plan if it does'nt help. 

Some married couples are looking to go beyond imposed limits. Society and culture are based on limits - this kind of behavior is acceptable, that kind of behavior is not. The limits change with time, as we see now with the legal approach of more same sex marriages. The alternative of society and culture without limits is anarchy and lawlessness. The moment any limit is imposed, a part of us wants to go beyond that limit, to explore the forbidden. I believe couples who practice "open marriages" have come to that limit and consented to explore the "societal" and "culturally" forbidden and are seen as outcasts for doing so. That results in getting less help in TAM.

Now, society and culture has placed limits on same sex marriages as well. I wonder where those couples can go to seek advice if member advice would be scarce here at TAM.


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## Fozzy

Reddit.


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## Apexmale

Fozzy said:


> Reddit.


I went to Reddit for Rubik's Cube advice.... it didn't go well.


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## TAMAT

I tend to view pre-marital committed relationships, marital relationships and same sex relationships as the same from an emotional standpoint. I believe a large part of the advice here is universal. 

Advice I gave to a Lesbian coworker, from MB, saved her relationship, and I also discouraged her from having sex with someone other than her partner.

Tamat


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## SecondTime'Round

I'm not gay but I think this site should have a forum for same sex relationships. I'm surprised it's not here yet, actually.


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## Apexmale

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm not gay but I think this site should have a forum for same sex relationships. I'm surprised it's not here yet, actually.


Maybe even a forum for those in open marriages. We are going to see more of both in the coming yeears.


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## ConanHub

Too alien for me to advise so I'll just steer clear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink

Forgive me but the LAST thing we need, as a TAM community and as a global community is segregation. We should be seeking our commonalities and not dividing ourselves by our differences.

And @Fozzy, again meh. Knowing how a man approaches interpersonal problems ...that's grabbing his crotch and spitting, right....doesn't change whether he is gay or straight.


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## Anon Pink

Forgive me but the LAST thing we need, as a TAM community and as a global community is segregation. We should be seeking our commonalities and not dividing ourselves by our differences.

And @Fozzy, again meh. Knowing how a man approaches interpersonal problems ...that's grabbing his crotch and spitting, right....doesn't change whether he is gay or straight.


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## SecondTime'Round

ConanHub said:


> Too alien for me to advise so I'll just steer clear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed. I have no advice, but I still think they should be welcomed here if this is an all-inclusive and non-religious forum. I won't contribute because I have no experience, but we are in 2015 so I think there is a place for that here.


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## Absurdist

SecondTime'Round said:


> Agreed. I have no advice, but I still think they should be welcomed here if this is an all-inclusive and non-religious forum. I won't contribute because I have no experience, but we are in 2015 so I think there is a place for that here.


STR - I have been married for nearly 40 years to the same wonderful woman. I have no personal experience with divorce or separation. Nevertheless, I would not hesitate to offer advice to anyone experiencing those things.

Straight, gay, bi.... We are all fallen human beings redeemed by grace and grace alone.

My advice would be the same for anyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy

Anon Pink said:


> Forgive me but the LAST thing we need, as a TAM community and as a global community is segregation. We should be seeking our commonalities and not dividing ourselves by our differences.
> 
> And @Fozzy, again meh. Knowing how a man approaches interpersonal problems ...that's grabbing his crotch and spitting, right....doesn't change whether he is gay or straight.


No, you're correct, but I think the dynamic changes when you're talking about how two men relate to each other vs how a man and a woman relate to each other. You might not give the same advice to a man on how to woo another man as you would to a man trying to woo a woman, for instance.


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## Fozzy

I'll give a hypothetical situation to illustrate my point.

If a lesbian couple come on seeking help for the proverbial bed death situation, it would probably not be as helpful to recommend one of them reads MMSLP and try to emulate a redpill guy. Much of the standard go-to advice that's dispensed here goes out the window--the guy should take ownership of the relationship, etc. Which guy takes ownership when there are two? What happens when there isn't a guy?


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## Anon Pink

Fozzy said:


> I'll give a hypothetical situation to illustrate my point.
> 
> If a lesbian couple come on seeking help for the proverbial bed death situation, it would probably not be as helpful to recommend one of them reads MMSLP and try to emulate a redpill guy.


Right you are. So right in fact it is never a good idea to suggest MMSLP or red pill crap. But Lesbian bed death is rather widely known among lesbians and finding appropriate suggestions isn't too difficult. The overlap between a lesbian couple and a hetero couple is that the sexless ness is clearly affecting one partner more than the other, as such learning to better communicate applies to both couples.




> Much of the standard go-to advice that's dispensed here goes out the window--the guy should take ownership of the relationship, etc. Which guy takes ownership when there are two? What happens when there isn't a guy?


I think @jld will have to come up with a new way of looking at relationships!  Having said that, I believe there are more homosexual couples involved in the kink community than hetero, proportionally speaking. Since they've had to come to terms with their nonheteronormative sexuality, embracing their kink is that much easier! 

Okay I admit I just wanted to use "nonheteronormative" in a sentence!


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## jld

@Anon Pink Yes, it would be the dominant partner in the homosexual couple who would play what I normally think of as the male role, basically taking responsibility for the relationship.


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## EnjoliWoman

I don't think there needs to be any differentiation at all. Sex is sex between two people. LD/HD dynamics don't receive different responses based on where genitals are placed. Being considerate of one person will/won't do doesn't differ with what type of genitals people have. Even family dynamics: in-laws' lack of acceptance can happen with different genders, religions, ethnicities and sociology-economic backgrounds just as easily, and the advice is the same.

Lets stop worrying so much about our differences as humans and focus on our similarities. That is the way to foster acceptance and peace where at all possible.

ETA: I see Anon and Fozzy beat me to it! GMTA!


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## woundedwarrior

I wish them the best, but I'm a traditionalist. You know, man & woman, husband & wife, sex only with each other, till death do you part, basically all of the things that people don't give a crap about anymore. lol

I know a gay couple (two men) and I have nothing against them. They actually get a long better than most couples I know.


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## happy as a clam

I have no problem welcoming anyone here... married, singles in LTR, gay, hetero, whatever.

I probably can't relate to certain issues (since I am not gay/lesbian) but certain problems in marriage are universal, regardless of sexual preference. And when it comes to THOSE issues, I can certainly offer advice.


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## Apexmale

Would a seperate forum for same sex marriages be discriminating?


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## MattMatt

We helped a young lady whose girlfriend was cheating on her.

Heartbreak is the same for all of us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Threeblessings

I would not contribute to same-sex posts. I actually think like the idea of open marriages, same-sex marriages would be blasted. It's an ethical issue and for most it wouldn't be about addressing the issues the same-sex couple are having but more so if it is right to be in same-sex relationships. Because there is a divide and discrimination I'm not sure if this is a good idea.


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## gouge_away

Have you ever observed a male/male physically abusive relationship?

Not to dismiss male/female abusive relationships, but, these m/m ones are a whole 
beast.


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## BioFury

As'laDain said:


> you sound like one of those "coffee lover" people.


I'm afraid I don't take your meaning.


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## brooklynAnn

Love is Love. When people suffer heartache, abuse, health problems, problems with their kids and parents, it's the same pain we all feel. We can all relate to any of those because we are human.

Gay,straight,bi and in-between, we all feel pain and suffer the same way.


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## SimplyAmorous

One thing I love about this forum is: *ANYONE & everyone is free to post here *...but true... depending on where you are coming from...one may need a harder shell to combat the majority view...this would be true anywhere though... and it's why we gravitate to our own social groups - for that "acceptance"...

Though I believe anyone can find their place here if they are not rude, belligerent and offers empathy, understanding... despite our differences.. 

It's funny because the more Liberal posters here feel this forum has too many conservative posters/ views... myself coming more from a Traditionalist lifestyle (conservative country girl- though I did loose my religion along the way) ...I feel similar as they (just turned around)... that our views are often looked down upon....we're too "old school" , "archaic" is often spoken, we're not living in the 1950's anymore -added with jubilation at that.... these phrases stand out like a sore thumb -to let us know we need to get with the new program..it makes me feel outside of "fitting in" here...it stings at times.. 

The Beauty...We don't have to all be the same, want the same things , share the same faith or none at all.....just find our own brand of happiness...there will be those who'll listen to us.. and offer a kind word...we may even be surprised!! 

I have nothing against homosexuals or Lesbians....It's not something I understand sexually , of course..but red blood flows through all of us... one of my favorite bosses years ago was a Gay man.. as is one of our daughters gymnastic teachers ... I love these guys ! 

As @brooklynAnn spoke " Love is Love. When people suffer heartache, abuse, health problems, problems with their kids and parents, it's the same pain we all feel. We can all relate to any of those because we are human.

Gay,straight,bi and in-between, we all feel pain and suffer the same way." 

That sums it up for me too.


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## MountainRunner

MattMatt said:


> Heartbreak is the same for all of us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nuff said.


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## Starstarfish

I love that you have OPs on here who feel perfectly comfortable posting about their marriage problems related to swinging, threesomes, and ****holding fantasies but same sex partnerships, that's just over the top and not ethical for some people.


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## As'laDain

Starstarfish said:


> I love that you have OPs on here who feel perfectly comfortable posting about their marriage problems related to swinging, threesomes, and ****holding fantasies but same sex partnerships, that's just over the top and not ethical for some people.


yeah, ill never understand that.

though, to be fair, most people who have said they would not give advice to someone who is gay have said that because they feel that they wouldnt know how to give proper advice to them. 


personally, i don't think the advice would be all that different. if two men were at each others throats, i would probably give them the exact same advice i would give a man and a woman. first, i would ask questions to find out what the problem really is, then i would suggest either solutions or resolutions based on what the poster actually wants. 

i dont think it would be much different at all.


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## SurpriseMyself

Apexmale said:


> Yea, I think I would be at a loss for words on most topics.


Why? If you know men, you can relate to a gay man. If you are married, you can relate to a gay married man or woman. 

But I will say that this kind of "I can't relate because they are from a planet I have never visited" is probably the reason that gays won't be on TAM. And certain cops from a southern state won't be so welcoming.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Apexmale

SurpriseMyself said:


> Why? If you know men, you can relate to a gay man. If you are married, you can relate to a gay married man or woman.
> 
> But I will say that this kind of "I can't relate because they are from a planet I have never visited" is probably the reason that gays won't be on TAM. And certain cops from a southern state won't be so welcoming.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because I don't have enough experience with men's deep emotions to be giving advice.


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## Starstarfish

If you are a man who doesn't know about deep male emotions, there's deeper issues than giving advice to hay couples.


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## MattMatt

Actually Coping With Infidelity is a good fit for ALL couples no matter what their sexually if they are being cheated on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Any one in a marriage or relationship is free to post on TAM, in any forum. Shoot, even people not in relationships are free to post. So yes, someone in a same sex relationship/marriage is welcome to post.

If you as a user/poster has not useful advice, then don't post on that thread. There is no requirement that every user/poster much post on every thread. Just leave the thread to those who feel that they can contribute positively to the OP of the thread.


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## Heatherknows

ConanHub said:


> Too alien for me to advise so I'll just steer clear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have enough trouble dealing with my heterosexual relationship so I don't think I'd be able to give very good advice. But I think there should be a section for same sex couples so those that do have good advice can give it.


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## NobodySpecial

Fozzy said:


> I know of a few regulars on here that are in open relationships and don't get hammered for it.


Don't get hammered for it!!!???? I've been called nasty things more time than I could for having been something similar to that.


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## Fozzy

NobodySpecial said:


> Don't get hammered for it!!!???? I've been called nasty things more time than I could for having been something similar to that.


I guess I missed that--apologies.


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## NobodySpecial

Fozzy said:


> I guess I missed that--apologies.


No worries. It actually tickled my funny bone.


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## Apexmale

Starstarfish said:


> If you are a man who doesn't know about deep male emotions, there's deeper issues than giving advice to hay couples.


How would you know that? Are you a man?


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## happy2gether

a marriage in need of advice is just that. the sex and orientation of the spouses has nothing to do with any REAL marriage advice. Real advice covers all marriages, not just the plain vanilla style.


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