# Wife's MLC/EA and the Blowup



## Gman (Jun 11, 2010)

Hey, all. Yes, guilty as charged... I posted to the Men's Forum, too. Deal with it.

Worst Thursday on record, I think. My wife discovered I've been checking on her phone/text activities with Manboy and was less than understanding. As a matter of fact, she was pissed enough to leave. Before you get too concerned, she came home, thanks be to God!

Before she left, I told her a few things, and I wanted to bounce them off someone. It's WAY late, but perhaps I can get some perspective. Fist off, I told her that I am not the bad guy- I'm concerned for her well being, her mind, body and spirit. She's been hammered by Midlife, whatever that is, and told her she needs good, Godly counsel. Told her that I love her more than any othe human being, and I'm afraid for her.

She feels untrusted and offended that I've looked at her text activites with Manboy. Thinks I have trust issues. She locks her phone and hides the fact that she is texting this guy- does it in secret so I "won't be upset." Personally, her privacy concerns and feeling of my lack of trust seem to be secondary. Are they? I tend not to trust when things are hidden from me.

I'm an open book and have told her this. Doesn't seem to matter.

I can't wrap my head around what has happened. When did this relationship with Manboy become more important than her husband and family? Just thinking out loud here.

Love her so much, and am so afraid for her. Is this how God feels with all of us? Sees us heading off down some stupid path that leads to destruction, without a single thing that can be done with our free will?

Guys and gals - pray for me, my wife and my family. This is getting tough.

Gman


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Her reactions and responses are typical of people who are cheating. I'm afraid that what you said to her does not help either of you. I appreciate that you are a religious person, but you have to take control of your situation. In your other thread, you said you are being bold and have the upper hand, but now you don't. Now, you are sitting there allowing her to run over you and waiting for her to come to her senses. She won't and never will if you don't do anything. You have to give her an ultimatum to either straighten up and cut all contact with this guy, or she is not allowed back in the house.....and mean it. You're just busy being grateful that she comes back home when you should be putting her out and changing the locks.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

When someone is cheating you have NO OBLIGATION to listen to a word they say - they are CHEATING! You have every right to serve her with divorce papers today; she should be grateful you didn't kick her lying a$$ out on the street. Until you start dealing with her with that attitude, she will continue to abuse you.

Remind me (it's hard when people keep starting new threads cos you don't have the background), what have you done to EXPOSE the affair, so that you can STOP it? 

There is NO point dealing with her in any way until you have stopped the affair. She is ADDICTED to GETTING HER HIGH FROM CONTACTING HIM.

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS EXCEPT THAT HIGH.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There is a difference between privacy and secrecy, Gman. Privacy is going to the bathroom with the door closed. Secrecy is texting your boyfriend while you're in the bathroom. You should NOT TOLERATE secrecy in your marriage.



> she came home, thanks be to God


This, right here, is your problem. She KNOWS you'll do anything to keep her there - even let her cheat right to your face when you're out on a date! 

How could she possibly respect you, honor you, DESIRE you, if you're being such a wimp? (sorry, but it's true)

The OM, now, HE knows how to go after a woman, doesn't he? Wonder why he's so attractive to her?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

So you really think a "council of elders" from back when the bible was written would respect what you are doing as a man?

Seriously?

You are basically condoning ongoing infidelity. She is cheating and yet "your lack of trust" is the issue. Get real. 




Gman said:


> Hey, all. Yes, guilty as charged... I posted to the Men's Forum, too. Deal with it.
> 
> Worst Thursday on record, I think. My wife discovered I've been checking on her phone/text activities with Manboy and was less than understanding. As a matter of fact, she was pissed enough to leave. Before you get too concerned, she came home, thanks be to God!
> 
> ...


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

I agree with what Susan, Tun and Mem said. Your like a puppy who gets kicked all of the time, but still comes back with it's tail wagging to greet his owner. How many times will you let her kick you in the nuts before you say enough is enough? By doing what your doing you are being an enabler and in some ways making the situation worse. 

Stand up for yourself and for your marriage. You have to draw a line in the sand and stand by that line and it must not waver. Until you stand up for yourself, you will stay in this cycle.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> You have to give her an ultimatum to either straighten up and cut all contact with this guy, or she is not allowed back in the house.....and mean it.


Out of curiousity....how does one do this...legally? I've often wondered....if I were in the same situation....I would certainly tell her to hit the road. But then....the house is in both names...I suppose all she would need to do would be to call the cops. Legally....I'm guessing I couldn't stop her. Just wondering. :scratchhead:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, I'm really stubborn. I would spend an entire day boxing up her stuff and leaving it out on the lawn for the neighbors to see. If she wants to move it all back in, go ahead. But I'd just box it up again. And again. Til she got fed up - or too embarrassed - and left.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

You are right, DailyGrind. In most states, the law is you cannot put a person out of their home without notice. There is a procedure that legally has to be followed. So if she called the police, they would tell him he has to let her back in. But there is nothing making him stay in the home. If she called the police, then he should leave. But hey, I'm stubborn like Turnera. I'd find a way to get her out of my life and make sure she gets the message.


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