# Winning Wife back after Cheating



## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

Since December 21st I’ve been secretly texting another woman which resulted in ending up in a hotel room last Wednesday. 
My wife found out about this and turned at the hotel with her mum to find myself with only my underpants on the other woman naked.

We had not had sex yet. Although my Wife does not believe this. This is the first time I’ve cheated in 20 years together. We have two children 8 and 10.

Ive made a terrible decision and I want my wife back. Since last Wednesday she’s kicked me out of our home and told me categorically the marriage is over. She’s been very angry which is certainly understandable. Says she will never trust me again.

All my clothes I now have at my parents home. She’s removed me from holidays and spoken to a solicitor about a divorce. Within hours of finding out she’d told a lot of people about what I’ve done. Both sets of parents close friends, other friends.

We’ve not had one face to face conversation since and does not want me anywhere near the house. If I am there to look after kids it’s only when she’s in work. Then she waits outside for me to come out before she goes in. 

I’m also facing serious financial issues due to a failed business which has also lead to a massive insecurity and mistrust of me.

Can anyone offer me advice on how I can go about trying to rebuild any of this? At the moment she’s very angry still. Wished I was dead two nights ago. 

She won’t let me go home. I’ve apologised and told her I’m sorry and how I would spend the rest of my life building up these things and improving myself. I’ll go to counselling. All these words however just make her angry. She doesn’t believe a word I say. And I can’t blame her. 

I’ve got another thread open where I’ve been torn to pieces over what I’ve done so if possible I’d be grateful if we could just stick to advice on trying to get her back.

I know it’s only been a week and everything is still raw but I honestly don’t know what else to do. Shall I just give her as much time and space she needs now?


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

If possible can a moderator update the title from “test”to “had an affair but I want my wife back”

I’ve to delete the post or edit the title but get an error message saying I don’t have permissions or I’m not signed in. For some reason it wouldn’t let me post the thread with the title but when I changed it to test it did.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Only a moderator can change the title of a thread. I just tried to change it but the forum software seems to not working well right now. I'll try again later. I'll also be moving this to Coping With Infidelity.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bloody Nora, mate! 

You blew up your marriage!  

You could offer to take a lie detector test. This professional body may be able to help https://www.britishpolygraphassociation.org/


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BIL310 said:


> Can anyone offer me advice on how I can go about trying to rebuild any of this? At the moment she’s very angry still. Wished I was dead two nights ago.


Considering the fact that you weren't happy with your marriage and wife at all, why on earth do you want to save your marriage?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Personal said:


> Considering the fact that you weren't happy with your marriage and wife at all, why on earth do you want to save your marriage?


There's nothing like a dose of cold hard reality to make you realise a lot of stuff.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your thread in the other forum has the background on this (for anyone not familiar with the story it's a good idea to read that first). 

As to R, that's obviously your wife's decision and she may need days, weeks, months or years to deal with her new reality. In the meantime, work on you and let her have as much space as she needs.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I'm not much help as I'm on her side, but don't focus on the 'we had not had sex' yet as the intent is all she cares about. There are lots of sites and books that give advice on seeking reconciliation--these offer good suggestions. You now regret your actions, but remorse should be your goal.

Just know that when cheaters say that it didn’t mean anything, it directly translates into - "I wanted some extra fun and excitement and wanted to feel a hormone rush, but that doesn't mean I want to change anything else." This reveals your selfishness period.
@Affaircare has some good advice in helping you understand your betrayed spouse's pain. There is other related information along similar lines. You have to do the work to find the answers.

Not sure this still good, but try:
Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife
Version 3, Updated 3/7/2013
(Online version of the book Reconciling With Your Wife)
(Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife)

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. MacDonald


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

BIL310 said:


> I’ve got another thread open where I’ve been torn to pieces over what I’ve done so if possible I’d be grateful if we could just stick to advice on trying to get her back.
> 
> Work on yourself. Buy every book on infidelity that you can find online and read them. Don't offer to go to counseling, GET a counselor and GO. Recognize that what you chose to do is the lowest thing you could have ever done to your wife and children, and figure out what inside of you is messed up and would cause you to chose a stranger over your family. Or did you think you could do it in secret and get away with it?
> 
> ...


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

She chose to make the relationship sexless without your approval, you chose to make the relationship open without her approval. What you did is worse by far.

Now she has every excuse she ever needed to treat you the way she was already treating you.

You had the higher ground argument before cheating, but now you are at the bottom of the moral barrel.

It doesn't matter whether you actually did the deed or not, you had the intent, with another woman naked in a hotel... intent is what matters.

I don't see much to save her and this won't get better. It would go back to how it was at best, which you didn't like.... remember? Divorce amicably.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

BIL310 said:


> I’d be grateful if we could just stick to advice on trying to get her back.
> 
> I know it’s only been a week and everything is still raw but I honestly don’t know what else to do. Shall I just give her as much time and space she needs now?


There's nothing you can do. It's all up to her.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Your marriage was not good and you were not happy. She wants out, so have enough respect for her to LET HER GO. As I said in your other post. Not sure why you want her back when things already werent good... you should have divorced instead of turning to another woman. Which we all already told you. You will save a lot of face to let this end respectfully.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I agree to just let her go. However, if you really want to try to save this:

1. Accept all responsibility HUMBLY for your actions
2. Be completely transparent with her and tell her EVERYTHING
3. Do not argue with her over things or minimize
4. Do not mention what she did years ago that you already forgave
5. Do not mention your complaints with the marriage
6. Give her access to all areas of your life and electronics
7. Have ZERO contact with the OW ever again
8. Do everything you can to be a good father
9. HUMILITY


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Let her go. Focus on yourself and the relationship with your kids (this is important). I am one that if my W ever cheated on me there is a 0% chance we would reconcile. There are many other people like this. It sounds like this may very well be your W as well, so best to just accept and focus on the two items I mentioned.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

I think your wife would be unreasonable to accept you back. 

Nobody can cheat by mistake. It is always deliberate.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

PD, if you want her back, YOU, not her, must do the work. Others here have given you some suggestions. Follow them. Complete transparency and admission of guilt is a must. It's up to you alone to woo her.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Well you really **** in your nest this time. My suggestion is to move on and learn from your mistake.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The best way to get your wife back is to let her go. Communicate only about the kids and divorce. Stop begging and all of the other nonsense. When she has had some quiet time to ruminate about things she may become more reasonable to deal with. For all intents and purposes, plan on getting divorced and live your life accordingly. You can negotiate any terms for reconciliation if that should ever come up.

It's actually a little funny when you think about it. A guy who is planning on cheating on his wife just so happens to drink for 6 hours straight (whiskey ****s are so appealing) and then promptly responds to the knock on the hotel room door. One would think you were hoping to get caught before the deed was done. Did you leave your computer on with the hotel reservation front and center? Maybe leave her a trail of breadcrumbs?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BIL310 said:


> I’ve got another thread open where I’ve been torn to pieces over what I’ve done so if possible I’d be grateful if we could just stick to advice on trying to get her back.
> 
> I know it’s only been a week and everything is still raw but I honestly don’t know what else to do. Shall I just give her as much time and space she needs now?


With a failed business, a cheating wife, and a cheating husband, there's not much to save - at the moment. Stop looking for instant gratification and instead focusing on fixing your messed up life. Find a good job - working for someone ELSE - and dedicate yourself to working up the corporate ladder, so to speak, so that you're a viable member of society, the kind a woman would want to have back. I'm not blaming your failed business on you, I don't know why it failed, I'm saying that WITH a failed business, you don't have a lot to offer right now, so focus on that.

If you two have something at the core, you can have a chance at finding it again, but that's not what you need to be putting your time and effort on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

[email protected] said:


> PD, if you want her back, YOU, not her, must do the work. Others here have given you some suggestions. Follow them. Complete transparency and admission of guilt is a must. It's up to you alone to woo her.


To be fair, she's cheating, too. I'd say they both would have to come at it from a position of starting over.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

This is one of those things that once done, cannot be undone. Depending on the woman it can be something forgiven or something considered the ultimate betrayal demanding a divorce to save face. The latter is especially true when others know. Trust when broken will never be the same. You are also a proven liar. The problem you face if she takes you back is that you will forever be under suspicion and that usually leads to a lot of conflict and sometimes cheating agains since you are being accused of it all the time. You will be under a microscope and nothing you say will be believed 100%. Do you wish to live this way? Does she? This incident will pop up in every future fight you have with your wife. She will never let you forget it. If you do so research you will find that she will pester you for details over and over again. It will take her a very long time to get pass it and even then the trust will never be the same as it used to be. To me, that is no way to live in a marriage.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> I think your wife would be unreasonable to accept you back.
> 
> Nobody can cheat by mistake. It is always deliberate.


*Sorry! Cheating doesn't happen by accident!

For either of you!*


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

I would like some advice on what i should be doing to reconcile with my wife after I cheated.
I don't want any replies saying i shouldn't have done it, i wouldn't accept you back etc as i've heard all that before.

i just want some advice on trying to win my Wife back. It's been two months now since the cheating was exposed. I'm been in my parents ever since and i see the children nearly every day and have them twice a week overnight.
The anger from my Wife seems to have passed now and we're on good speaking terms this last week. I asked her would she pick me a tshirt up from the shop when she went before and she said yes. She asked me to drop her off there aswell. This wouldn't have happened 3 weeks ago.

She does however seem happy to be single and independent now. Going forward now i don't know what to do for the best. Do i keep doing what i'm doing (ie stuff in the house, dropping her off if she asks, asking her to do stuff for me etc.) or should i start getting on with my life, find a place to live and then just drop the kids off and don't go inside my inside house etc? Ie becoming more independent and let her see i'm moving on? She knows i want to come home and i'm wondering if that the fact she knows that and i'm not moving on at the moment but then i don't want to start moving on and she thinks he doesn't care now anyway.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

First of all go post on here

There are people on there who cheated like you so you know they can relate but they will also hold you accountable. Pay attention to carpenoctem.

Next read the "just found out" section of that board and read it first like every post was about your wife doing this to you. Then read it like every post was you doing to your wife. Now assuming you are not a sociopath you probably feel some empathy for the situation and think you now have a sense of the pain she is feeling. You don't, magnify that by about 1000 and you are close. 

Being cheated on feels a lot like being in the matrix but it's real. Your reality is changed over night. It's like believing in God and then having him come down and tell you he is not real only to pull away the curtain and find out it's a monkey pulling strings. Suffice to say it sucks. 

Here is the thing, once you realize this, it will become a lot harder to want to win your wife back because you will truly understand what you are asking for her to do. You are asking her to spend the rest of her life with the person who destroyed her reality, when that person had promised to help her build a great one as her partner. There is a good chance you will always be a trigger for her, just your presence will be a reminder of the pain you caused her. So that means there is a good possibility she will have less of a life in choosing to be with you. 

Once you get to that point then the only thing for you to do is to fix yourself. There are some books that everyone recommends ones that will be recommend to you on that site. 

This is the main one. 

Make it your bible. But read others, become truly self aware so you can avoid making the same choices in the future. And make no mistake your cheating was a choice. It had nothing to do with her, your marriage or your past. You may have had a bunch of problems in all of those areas but you didn't have to choose to abuse her like you did. Cheating is abuse. You need to understand this as well. 

I say all this not in judgment but so you can really get the magnitude of what you did is. Only then can you change and be a healthy choice for anyone. 

Then after you work on yourself and get better maybe then just organically you will end up back together, but for now your goal should be to fix yourself not get your wife back. Your wife deserves at lest that.

The best you can do is make yourself worthy. Even if you don't get her back you will be a better choice and be better for the next one.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Let her go. Have some decency after what you’ve done. She deserves to have her feelings respected. You hanging on trying to “win” her back is completely selfish. Let her go. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> This is one of those things that once done, cannot be undone. Depending on the woman it can be something forgiven or something considered the ultimate betrayal demanding a divorce to save face. The latter is especially true when others know. Trust when broken will never be the same. You are also a proven liar. The problem you face if she takes you back is that you will forever be under suspicion and that usually leads to a lot of conflict and sometimes cheating agains since you are being accused of it all the time. You will be under a microscope and nothing you say will be believed 100%. Do you wish to live this way? Does she? This incident will pop up in every future fight you have with your wife. She will never let you forget it. If you do so research you will find that she will pester you for details over and over again. It will take her a very long time to get pass it and even then the trust will never be the same as it used to be. To me, that is no way to live in a marriage.


In my experience people don't get divorced after an affair to save face, but because the trust is gone, the respect is gone and the betrayal is so massive.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Real talk here - your wife was cheating too and also had plans to meet up at a hotel with an OM. She's not treating you like someone she wants to get back together with and build an honest, loving marriage with. She's treating you like a decent coparent. If she wanted you back within the last 2 months, she would have discussed it with you.

You can't see every little nice thing she does for you as evidence of R. It's not. She got you that shirt because it was convenient and you're the father of her kids who she spent umpteen years with. It's not because she's in love with you and wants you back. If she did, she would tell you. Your best bet is to move on. If she decides that she wants you back, she will see you detaching and tell you.

On another topic - are you sure she isn't planning more hotel meet ups in your absence? Any nights that she went out or could she do this during the day without you knowing? How would you feel if you found out she was? This is a possibility that you should prepare for.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's fairly normal for a woman to reach a point after marriage where she wants independence, to be treated like an equal. It sounds like she may be enjoying that for once. I'd say continue to be in her life as much as possible while still living your own, make it clear (but not obsessive) that you want to be together but will respect her wishes. And continue to show her that you are a catch - the kind of husband who will make her life happy.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

We've just spend the day together out with the kids. It was the best day i've had for a long time. It was like nothing had ever happened. However it was also a difficult day for me, emphasising what i've lost through my selfish actions. My Wife has re-iterated that she can never trust me again or any other man for that matter via text message before.

As good as it was spending time with them as a family today, it's probably time i started detaching myself. Dropping kids off without going in etc and try and get her out my head i think. I can't move on texting her and seeing her all the time.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BIL310 said:


> We've just spend the day together out with the kids. It was the best day i've had for a long time. It was like nothing had ever happened. However it was also a difficult day for me, emphasising what i've lost through my selfish actions. My Wife has re-iterated that she can never trust me again or any other man for that matter via text message before.
> 
> As good as it was spending time with them as a family today, it's probably time i started detaching myself. Dropping kids off without going in etc and try and get her out my head i think. I can't move on texting her and seeing her all the time.


meh, that sounds to me like you weren't all that invested in her after all, if you can't even put in a good 6-12 months of work to win her back.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

turnera said:


> meh, that sounds to me like you weren't all that invested in her after all, if you can't even put in a good 6-12 months of work to win her back.




I think him detaching shows her way more respect, personally.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She knows you want to get back together with her. It's up to her to decide if she wants to get back together with you. Time will answer that question. In the meantime, focus on making yourself someone who would not make the same mistake again. Maybe she'll see the changes or maybe they won't matter to her even if she does see them. Her choice. You work on you.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

I saved my marriage after an affair by doing the following:

-Stopped trying to change her mind

-Worked on myself (therapy, meditation, 12 steps, etc)

-Let go of the outcome

This along with all of the other things that have already been suggested. Honesty, transparency, humility, etc.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

How do we know she also cheated?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> How do we know she also cheated?


Backstory definitely indicates cheating. PA more than likely and EA for certain.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

BIL310, it's 100% transparency for you. No begging, gas lighting or any other crap. The ball is in her court now. Make it clear that whatever happens, it's her choice. Giver her some time...about a year anyhow, and maybe she'll come around. Meantime, you are going
to be world-class good boy!


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

AKA Broken Arrow said:


> I saved my marriage after an affair by doing the following:
> 
> -Stopped trying to change her mind
> 
> ...


Yes I’m working on myself, went to anger management counselling yesterday and therapy for other things like stress and anxiety.

My wife knows I’ve been doing that and she also messaged me and said I’m doing a brilliant job with our kids. She’s said I can stay in our house when they go on holiday in 2 weeks for 11 days. 

She knows how I feel now about wanting to try again so I will refrain from pushing that any further. 

What I’m struggling with however is as I’m still living with my parents do I start distancing myself a little bit more to maybe make her miss me because at the moment for example I’m ironing kids uniforms for the week, we are texting each other about how my counselling went and how her new job is etc. she’s even just text me and said if im at home (I come and use the running machine and wash my clothes) will I throw the hoover around.

And someone else commented to say why wouldn’t I even be willing to try for 12 months. I’m certainly prepared to do that and I’m not distancing myself to move on, it would be mainly to give her time to miss me. I just don’t know what to do for the best.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BIL310 said:


> What I’m struggling with however is as I’m still living with my parents do I start distancing myself a little bit more *to maybe make her miss me* because at the moment for example I’m ironing kids uniforms for the week, we are texting each other about how my counselling went and how her new job is etc. she’s even just text me and said if im at home (I come and use the running machine and wash my clothes) will I throw the hoover around.


Never ever ever ever do anything to try to manipulate her. Ever. Women sense these things like a cat to milk. Plus, it is disrespectful - you trying to MAKE her do ANYTHING. Plus, it is a selfish act, not one of love. Do you see that?

When a woman stops respecting or trusting a man, there's only one thing that's going to get her back onto that side - seeing a consistently nice, decent, non-selfish person with good values and good morals (even if you came to them late) who would make a good partner and who WILL NOT try to manipulate her to get HIM what he wants.

If you want to spend time living your life, that's fine. And it sounds like you just might be doing TOO much - is all this stuff more than you were doing before? If so, if I were her I'd be suspicious that you're just trying to get back what you lost and it's all fake.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

turnera said:


> BIL310 said:
> 
> 
> > What I’m struggling with however is as I’m still living with my parents do I start distancing myself a little bit more *to maybe make her miss me* because at the moment for example I’m ironing kids uniforms for the week, we are texting each other about how my counselling went and how her new job is etc. she’s even just text me and said if im at home (I come and use the running machine and wash my clothes) will I throw the hoover around.
> ...


Thanks for the advice. So I should carry on doing what I am currently. Which is continue to work on myself and being as good a Father to my kids as possible.

The things I’m doing around the house are what I used to do before.

How can I show her I’ve changed if I don’t live there anymore and only see her for short amount of time when I drop off and pick kids up?

Do you think I should suggest another day out with kids in the next couple of weeks maybe?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No. First, you didn't listen. Your job is NOT to SHOW her ANYTHING. As long as that is your plan, your job, your goal...YOU WILL FAIL. She'll know the truth. Women are savvy to such things. 

And you've lost her trust. And trust is the LAST thing a woman gives back. She has to see that you are content to have THIS. Only then will she start considering that you may be for real. Which is why I said a year. Anything less than that, she won't believe you.

Stop doing things for the purpose of GETTING something.

Speaking of covert contracts, have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? Might be a good time to read it.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

turnera said:


> No. First, you didn't listen. Your job is NOT to SHOW her ANYTHING. As long as that is your plan, your job, your goal...YOU WILL FAIL. She'll know the truth. Women are savvy to such things.
> 
> And you've lost her trust. And trust is the LAST thing a woman gives back. She has to see that you are content to have THIS. Only then will she start considering that you may be for real. Which is why I said a year. Anything less than that, she won't believe you.
> 
> ...


Yes I’ve read that book. I’ll read it again. So if she asks me to hoover the house like she did yesterday should I have said no? 

Do I stop texting her asking things like how her day was in work which I do every now and again? 

Do I stop ironing children’s uniforms whilst I’m in the house? Im doing those things because I care not specifically to get her back. 

When I know she’s going on a night out do I stop texting her saying hope you enjoy your night out?

I’ll read the book again today.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No, don't text her saying you hope she enjoys herself. That's kissing up. The other stuff is a little tricky. You don't want to become the maid for the family just so her life is easier. If she says she wants to be separated with the kids, let her be separated with the kids - all that work now goes on HER back. On the other hand, if you two are sharing the house - like 50% of the time you're living there and 50% of the time she's living there, you continue doing what you were doing.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

turnera said:


> No, don't text her saying you hope she enjoys herself. That's kissing up. The other stuff is a little tricky. You don't want to become the maid for the family just so her life is easier. If she says she wants to be separated with the kids, let her be separated with the kids - all that work now goes on HER back. On the other hand, if you two are sharing the house - like 50% of the time you're living there and 50% of the time she's living there, you continue doing what you were doing.


No I’m living with parents. I use the running machine in the garage and then get a shower in our house. Then I go back to my parents. 

I pick the kids up from school and go back
to ours house with them for a couple of hours, do their tea etc until she comes home from work. Then I leave.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

So if I stop ironing kids uniforms, making their pack lunches for school and she brings this up in the next week or two as it why I’ve stopped doing it do I just say it’s not my responsibility anymore whilst I don’t live here.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I guess I would answer that the two of you need to come up with an arrangement, assuming she doesn't want to get back together. Give up the running machine for now or move it to your parents, and let her see what being separated really means, since that's what she said she wants. By you making this so easy for her, it gives her no reason to change anything.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

turnera said:


> No. First, you didn't listen. Your job is NOT to SHOW her ANYTHING. As long as that is your plan, your job, your goal...YOU WILL FAIL. She'll know the truth. Women are savvy to such things.


Yes. And it is also kinda ****ty. It says loud and clear It is Still All About Me. I (I am referring to you OP) do X and she does Y and I GET to get her. It is not about understanding HER or respecting HER.




> And you've lost her trust. And trust is the LAST thing a woman gives back. She has to see that you are content to have THIS. Only then will she start considering that you may be for real. Which is why I said a year. Anything less than that, she won't believe you.
> 
> Stop doing things for the purpose of GETTING something.


YES.



> Speaking of covert contracts, have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? Might be a good time to read it.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

I’ve read No More Mr Nice Guy again and also Manly separation which was also really good.

In Manly separation there is a couple of ways to act once separated. One of the methods is called Mystery Guy which goes along the lines of the advice I’ve been given above.

I basically get on with my life as if the marriage is over and there’s no reconciliation. Don’t share any details of my life with my wife and keep contact to a bare minimum (ie kids only).

As I’m staying in my house from April 11th onwards I can’t this yet as I don’t want her tl say I can’t stay. I’m looking forward to having some space of my own for 11 days and get used to living and cooking for myself etc.

After this period however I’m going to move the running machine to my parents and then instead of taking kids to our house after school and waiting for her to come home from work I’ll be taking them to my parents house. She can pick them up from there. No more hoovering, iron kids uniforms or making packed lunch unless I have them and I do it in my parents house. 

No more text messages asking how she is or hoping she’s had a good week in work etc. No more family days out unless she suggests them.

I’ve also told her I’m getting an apartment in a couple of months when I’m a bit more financially secure. The only reason I told her was because she’s had a couple of rants saying I should be saving money for it now instead of going out with my mates etc. 

When the time comes I’m going to get an apartment. There will be no messages to her saying are you sure you don’t want to try again before I sign a 12 month agreement on an apartment. 

If she wants to try again it will come from her now. If that’s 3 months down the line or 6 or it never happens either way I’ll be mentally prepared and have moved on so I’ll be in much better place anyway. 

No more mr nice guy.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

I was out last night with my friends and one of my children tried to FaceTime me which has happened a lot when I’m out.

I didn’t answer but then got a message saying are you in pub from my Son. I text back saying yes I’m out is everything ok without a reply.

This morning I came to look after kids because my Wife has some shopping to do. She asked me where I went last night and I just said out. She then said I’m not getting an apartment if I keep going out. 

I asked my Son what did he want me for last night and he said that was mum who asked where you was not me. She typed the message.

I then text her about ironing kids clothes for later with xx on the end like I usually do. She said why do I put xx on the end of the message like I care but then I’m nasty in person. I said I’m not nasty. She said I was rude when I said I was just out earlier and dismissive when she asked me about apartment.

I said I wasn’t being nasty just didn’t want tk be judged and she said why would I judge you, you’re entitled to go out, did you go to a brothel or the strippers or somewhere? I said of course not but you did judge me because you said if keep going out I won’t be able to get an apartment when I’ve already explained to her when I’m getting one.

Not sure if no more mr nice guy is working but she’s obviously still interested in what I’m doing and I don’t think it’s got anything to do with getting an apartment.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

Earlier today i got a message from my Wife inviting me to spend New Year in Euro Disney with her and kids (2 bedroom so we can be separate). I honestly don't know what to make of this. I'm not welcome on our pre planned holiday to Spain next month but i'm invited to one 9 months from now? 

Not sure whether she's leaving the door open or just thinks it will be good for kids etc?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Doesn't matter. You have a job to do - become a better person so that SOME woman will want you for a partner.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

What a turnaround in a couple of days. She's invited me on the family holiday now next week and i've just booked my flight. She said i hope you're happy sleeping in the bath with two smiley faces. Can't wait to tell my children.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good. Now just stay normal - no more doing things to get a reaction from her. Just practice being a decent person.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

There you go, step 1: stop trying to change her mind. Good job.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

Update. Spend the whole weekend now with my Wife. We had a really good day out Saturday with some friends and family at a sporting event. Then yesterday we spent the whole day together - a lot of it in bed!

She's been amazing over the last couple of days and really made an effort herself even though it's me who's got everything to make up.

One swallow doesn't make a summer but we're on the right track. Taking things day by day. We've got a 12 day holiday coming up this week and i really can't wait now.


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