# Lost



## mitchard83 (May 29, 2014)

Hello Forum first time here I love forums wish i wasnt at this on tho 

First off My name is Mitch. 31 years old no kids. My wife is 36 no kids we have been married since 2009. Recently we have become financially burdened by the IRS

So I took on 2 jobs. I have been doing that for about 2 years now. Last week my wife said she didnt love me any more and needed to go to Az to figure out what she wants. Mon. She told me she wants a divorce. Now I am a firm believer in God and I know that he can and will fix a marriage. Anyway before she left she told me to call her and try to influence her to come home So i did that. and it seems to be pushing her further away. She did tell me that she seen some one out there also they went for a walk and kissed. I was torn. But she was honest. today we agreed that she would think about our marriage (i refuse to give up on us) and I agreed not to call or text her till she is supposed to come back friday. Is this a good Idea? I did stipulate that i would text her in the morning saying good morning and text her at night saying good night I know she needs time but I was so caught up on what she had told me in the first place about divorce. Any info would help and any support. 

Thanks Mitch


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So your wife is starting to cheat on you...

Either do what you promised about text and nothing more, or do not text her at all. I don't think it makes much difference. Just don't text her a lot.

Does your wife work? Is she helping to earn the money to pay the taxes? If so, is she working as many hours as you are?

Is there any chance that you could go to one of those places that gets taxes forgiven? I hear them advertise on the radio all the time.


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## mitchard83 (May 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> So your wife is starting to cheat on you...
> 
> Either do what you promised about text and nothing more, or do not text her at all. I don't think it makes much difference. Just don't text her a lot.
> 
> ...


Sorry I was gonna put that in the message as well my wife is fully disabled. She can get up and move around but her disability keeps her from working. Anyways. I might try to call and have my taxes forgiven. She told me before leaving az that she felt unappreciated and lonely because I was never home. I really messed this up and offer to try and fix it and one day she will say yes and the other day she will say no. I told her that i refuse to file for divorce


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Youre making a big mistake. You are basically telling her that she can screw this other guy and still come home to you. You need to file for divorce now. She has probably been carrying on an EA for some time now and it went PA when she went to Az. She has no reason not to keep on doing what she is doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

mitchard83 said:


> Sorry I was gonna put that in the message as well my wife is fully disabled. She can get up and move around but her disability keeps her from working. Anyways. I might try to call and have my taxes forgiven. She told me before leaving az that she felt unappreciated and lonely because I was never home. I really messed this up and offer to try and fix it and one day she will say yes and the other day she will say no. I told her that i refuse to file for divorce


So, she can't work. So you started to work 2 jobs to dig you both out of the tax hell you are in (I assume you filed jointly, so part of that tax burden is hers?). And she feels unapreciated? Uhm, I think she has it backwards. If my understanding of the situation is true, she should have gotten a cat for companionship and thanked her lucky stars you are in her life. 

Surely I'm missing something here?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

"I don't love you anymore" = I'm having an emotional affair already

Needs to go to AZ to "figure out what she wants" = I want to test drive my new man

"Call me and try to influence me to come home" = Let me know that you are a doormat who is ok with being Plan B.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

She's already admitted to cheating on you. 

Are you going to reward that behavior by chasing her?


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Mitch Buddy,

It might be too late for this but I strongly suggest you take some time and write down the ground rules of the separation including finances, dating, begin date, end date, etc.

Send it to her and tell her these are the terms of the separation, do you agree.

If she wants to date during the separationthen you decide if you want to be a doormat or start your process of moving towards your new future.

Good luck, it's gut-wrenching,
Stretch


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Stretch said:


> Mitch Buddy,
> 
> It might be too late for this but I strongly suggest you take some time and write down the ground rules of the separation including finances, dating, begin date, end date, etc.
> 
> ...


I agree with this. Go read first couple pages of my "what to do with I don't know" thread in GTDS, where I did exactly that. The response you get to the rules can be a good gauge of where she is at currently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

mitchard83 said:


> Sorry I was gonna put that in the message as well my wife is fully disabled. She can get up and move around but her disability keeps her from working. Anyways. I might try to call and have my taxes forgiven. She told me before leaving az that she felt unappreciated and lonely because I was never home. I really messed this up and offer to try and fix it and one day she will say yes and the other day she will say no. I told her that i refuse to file for divorce


Wait a minute. She is fully disabled, can't work, but can date other men? Is it not possible that, if she is capable of getting out of the home to date, then she is also capable of finding a job to occupy herself and help with the financial burden? You can't fault/blame yourself for taking up the financial burden or for her "feeling lonely" because you did so.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Wait a minute. She is fully disabled, can't work, but can date other men? Is it not possible that, if she is capable of getting out of the home to date, then she is also capable of finding a job to occupy herself and help with the financial burden? You can't fault/blame yourself for taking up the financial burden or for her "feeling lonely" because you did so.


She cannot work but she is "abled" enough to screw another dude? Is she paralyzed or mentally ill or soft tissue disbaled?

Work on yourself, prepare yourself for your future,
Stretch


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Mitch,

What's going on boss?

You got some tough responses, I hope you found some direction and are taking care of yourself.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## mitchard83 (May 29, 2014)

Sorry guys been going through alot. Here's some updates. 

BTW her disability is a brain tumor that causes seizures she can't hold a job because of them.

Filed for divorce on Jun 14. Set for finalization Aug 25. I tried doing the separation ground rules but I know she was already breaking them. But thing is today I got a letter from her saying she misses me and says she made a big mistake. Yesterday on the phone discussing financial issues with her she flat out said she misses me. Also she hates how her new guy is with looking thru her phone. Wondering where here money is going ect. She also called me "babe" and said she loved me when we hung up. This was the first time I had heard that from her in 7 months. My worries are should I stop the divorce and give her a chance. To reconcile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

mitchard83 said:


> Sorry guys been going through alot. Here's some updates.
> 
> BTW her disability is a brain tumor that causes seizures she can't hold a job because of them.
> 
> ...


You are plan B. She is looking to come back only because things aren't great in affairland. Keep the divorce going.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

She found out the grass isn't greener. If you take her back it is only a matter of time until it happens again. Keep the D on track.

If for whatever crazy reason you want to try and work it out. Still D, then after go on a few dates and see if you still like her.


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## mitchard83 (May 29, 2014)

Thankd guys. There is a duplicate post on here i posted because it took me forever to find this one again. I think I will stay the course of divorce. If she did this once it will happen again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Mitch, I saw the other thread and it led me here.
It sure sounds like she enjoys being pursued, either by you or OM, and when the thrill ends she wants to come home. That's not remorse for the A. If she wanted the D to end and to come home the conversation would be very direct, which it doesn't sound like it is.
Your decision to let the divorce continue is very wise. There is nothing to stop you from dating your ex and seeing if she has changed. Is she in counseling or doing anything to suggest that she sees how messed up her behavior has been?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Mitch,

Do not stop the divorce. There's nothing that says you two can't eventually reconcile down the road, but at least it will be on YOUR terms. If she screws up again, you can WALK without ever looking back and having to deal with the painful mess of extracting yourself from the marriage (all over again).

She knows she blew it. She just wants to come back, have you take care of her again, until she finds someone else.

Stick to your guns. You are so close to finalizing everything.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

mitchard83 said:


> Sorry guys been going through alot. Here's some updates.
> 
> BTW her disability is a brain tumor that causes seizures she can't hold a job because of them.
> 
> ...


Well, let's be honest... he has cause for concern. After all, she's cheating on her husband.

As for the rest of it... LOL.

And like I said in your other thread...



GusPolinski said:


> See the divorce through to the end and re-evaluate afterward. If you do decide to reconcile, date her for no less than 2 years before re-marrying *W/ A SOLID PRE-NUP IN PLACE*.
> 
> Oh, and make sure that you insist on exclusivity from the very start.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Go dark. Don't talk to her and don't answer her calls.


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