# A sexless marriage (like years without!)



## ablg2400 (Apr 10, 2015)

I have been reading through the threads and noticed a pretty common theme among them. No sex in the relationship. Some it has to do with the man, some the woman. All agree it isn't healthy and can lead to divorce. I have been married for 8 years. 

For the past 8 years we have had sex a total of 10 times. The last time we had sex was 4 years ago. Until two weeks ago. Two weeks ago my husband woke me up in the middle of the night (3 am) and we had sex. Then he did not speak about it again until for many days. Finally, he told me he wanted another child. We have a 7yo. We have not been in any way intimate since then either. We don't sit next to each other. We don't touch when we sleep. We don't talk on the phone when I travel. We are more like roommates than anything else. I told him how much I wanted to have another child and how we really needed to work on things to make sure we were in a good spot for this to happen. I can't stand the idea of divorce. It terrifies me and makes me sick to my stomach. But no effort since this moment has been put in at all by him to have any type of intimate relationship. I sent him a message the other day. Something flirty and sweet hinting at being romantic that night. He said he was tired and would rather not. It's soul crushingly hard to put myself out there after YEARS of rejection from him only for him to build my hopes up of trying to improve the marriage just to reject me again!

I need advice for trying to help the marriage. I will do anything to make it work. I can't give up. I can't start over with someone else. I know that I'm young (not even 30 yet), but I don't want anyone else. And I don't want my child to grow up without a father in the house.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Honey I don't think your problem is FIXABLE!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You're doomed to being unsatisfied unless you fix this or leave.

Insist on marriage counseling. Then get to the bottom of this sexlessness. Is he as young as you are?

Are their health issues?

If he refuses to go or the issues are not resolved?

I recommend leaving and starting over.

Life is short, you deserve pleasure in a marriage.

You're not doing your child any favors by letting them witness this cold life.


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## ablg2400 (Apr 10, 2015)

My husband is in his early 30s. I don't think he has any health problems. When it first started I thought it was because I was pregnant (weird belly and all), then a year later, I started thinking it was me. Then I blamed him. For a while I thought it could be a pornography addiction, but he has no access to a computer at home anymore. I just don't know what to think. He says he wants to change for me, to make things better, and they will be for a little while (maybe a week or two), then things go back to the way they were until I get so fed up that we argue about it. He's a GREAT father, and a good friend, we just aren't intimately together and it hurts!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Ablg2400
Please don't have another child until your relationship is settled and happy - as in you are BOTH happy. 






ablg2400 said:


> snip
> Finally, he told me he wanted another child.
> snip
> .


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It seems that he is essentially asexual, and is only interested in sex for procreation because he wants children.

This isn't fixable. Once you're pregnant, it will be back to status quo, only you'll find it even harder to ever leave. Is this the life you want? Seriously, you will have to accept things the way they are or leave., even if you don't want to.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I really do not think another child is advisable.... A child will not fix your problems.. Your relationship is not healthy, definitely not healthy enough to bring another child in the mix.


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## TakenforGranted (Mar 17, 2015)

ablg2400 said:


> I have been reading through the threads and noticed a pretty common theme among them. No sex in the relationship. Some it has to do with the man, some the woman. All agree it isn't healthy and can lead to divorce. I have been married for 8 years.
> 
> For the past 8 years we have had sex a total of 10 times. The last time we had sex was 4 years ago. Until two weeks ago. Two weeks ago my husband woke me up in the middle of the night (3 am) and we had sex. Then he did not speak about it again until for many days. Finally, he told me he wanted another child. We have a 7yo. We have not been in any way intimate since then either. We don't sit next to each other. We don't touch when we sleep. We don't talk on the phone when I travel. We are more like roommates than anything else. I told him how much I wanted to have another child and how we really needed to work on things to make sure we were in a good spot for this to happen. I can't stand the idea of divorce. It terrifies me and makes me sick to my stomach. But no effort since this moment has been put in at all by him to have any type of intimate relationship. I sent him a message the other day. Something flirty and sweet hinting at being romantic that night. He said he was tired and would rather not. It's soul crushingly hard to put myself out there after YEARS of rejection from him only for him to build my hopes up of trying to improve the marriage just to reject me again!
> 
> I need advice for trying to help the marriage. I will do anything to make it work. I can't give up. I can't start over with someone else. I know that I'm young (not even 30 yet), but I don't want anyone else. And I don't want my child to grow up without a father in the house.


What was his routine prior to your marriage? Did you regularly get Intimate or was he always like this? 

I wouldn't bring another child into the family until youre secure and Happy. If You’re worried about your child now, imagine when there's 2 of them, you're heartbroken and seperated, and trying to start over without his help and double the Expenses. I hope it doesnt come to that, but you never know and that's a harsh reality change for a child


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You can't fix your marriage until you are willing to end your marriage. Only then will you even have a chance, no guarantees.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

His sexless problem has existed since the day you married him and probably before the marriage, so this has nothing to do with you other than the fact that you were conned into partnering with a person who never had any intention of actually performing as a husband. You got a roommate. 

I would think the prospect of living with a roommate for the next 50 years would be far more terrifying than the idea of divorce. If you left him tomorrow, what would you be losing? You won't be losing a husband because you don't really have one. You wouldn't be losing intimacy and nurturing because he doesn't give either. 
You have been married eight years and you have a seven year old. He obviously wasn't interested in being your sexual mate, so something else prompted him to get married. Were you pregnant before marriage or did he just primarily want to be a father and not necessarily be a husband? I find it curious that he basically ignores you and rejects you but while you are considering putting an end to this, he suddenly decides you need to get pregnant again. Sounds like a great way to easily lock you into the marriage without him having to make any real adjustments. What is he getting out of this relationship? What does he spend most of his time on when he's not working? How would his life change if you left him?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ablg2400 said:


> I will do anything to make it work. I can't give up. I can't start over with someone else. I know that I'm young (not even 30 yet), but I don't want anyone else. And I don't want my child to grow up without a father in the house.


If this is your bottom line, then you don't really have any power to cause change. The only power any of us truly has is the power to walk out the door.

You can't change other people. If he wants to change, he will...but you can't make it happen all on your own.

The one bargaining chip you have is "I need these changes or I am leaving" but since you aren't leaving, you don't have that chip.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

How often would you like to have sex?

How does he typically reject you?

What was your sex life like before marriage? Were you guys both virgins? If so, how steamy would you estimate the making out and slight petting done prior to marriage?

How the hell do you go 4 years with no sex and then he wakes you up for sex...and you actually comply (because I think most women would have told him to piss off by then) but the worst part is: you two don't even talk about what the erection fairy brought in the middle of the night. That's the strangest part of all to me!

Are you guys fundamentalists who aren't comfortable talking about sex? Would you say both you and your H carry a hefty amount of shame regarding sex?


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## Colonel Angus (Apr 11, 2015)

He's either cheatin', gay, or both. No matter, still not good for ya missy. Best to sit down and have a serious talk with your so called hubby.




If I overstayed my welcome, just tap me on the head.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You know it's been too long when you find a photo of your wife's vagina on a milk carton.


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## feeling lost (Oct 17, 2009)

If he is not willing to change then I'm afraid it is over. After another ten years you will regret not getting out earlier.

I know from bitter experience.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

unbelievable said:


> You know it's been too long when you find a photo of your wife's vagina on a milk carton.


If that happened to me I wouldn't be able to eat my cereal!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

No more kids.

NO MORE KIDS!

He is not interested in rekindling romance. He's interested in making a baby. He's told you want he wants. Believe him. Give him a child and that will be the last time you ever see sex again. Except now you'll have TWO kids learning about loveless relationships instead of one.


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