# My story...



## TRGarner (Sep 5, 2012)

I've been married for 19 years this October 2.

It was not an easy marriage and I can honestly say that I have been stupid, arrogant and a grad "A" D*ck during the first part of my marriage.

I am retired military fled California to sunny Las Vegas, Nv. My wife is hot, I will never deny that. I love her with all my heart.

I have three children 17, 14, and 12.

I am a phone operator for United Health Care, Family Home Care side of the organization.

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Ok, that is the beginning. I plan on writing here every so often because, I am seeking an outlet. I cannot guarantee the frequency of my posts, but I hope to contribute what I am currently going through and I might be moving boards based on what I reviewed earlier.

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Whee to start? I met my wife on the dance floor of a club called "The Pladium", San Francisco, some 19 years ago. Our relationship hit off and we where soon married. At the time I was active duty military and we soon traveled the world. 

I will be honest, I was a prick, a loser, not worthy of this fine woman that I married. I treated her like crap and now I am paying for those early days. 

I am posting her to basically vent. I have no vent mechanism, I don't go out, I find gambling horrid, just can't fathom plucking money into any form of gambling, when I can use it on food or drink.

I hope to gain guidance and wisdom and I hope to post here often, so, for now, I'm off to read the boards see if others have been in my situation.

I can tell you that I am not putting blame on anyone but myself, everything that has happened, is my fault. It has taken me many years to realize the damage that I have done (not through any affair, or anything like that), by just not appreciating the women that I fell in love with and am currently in love with.

I can also tell you that on Friday, we will go to couple therapy and I will do anything that I can to resolve the conflict and reverse what I have done.

Thank you for this forum and thank you for the time reading this post. Again, my posts will be determined on factors of life and I hope to post often, so far, I have a good feeling about this place and hope to be posting more later on, but for now, I bid those reading good night and as one of my favorite sci/fi shows (The Prisoner) goes.... "Be Seeing You".


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## TRGarner (Sep 5, 2012)

So had a heart to heart discussion and she says that she is sexually not satisfied. As difficult as this is to say, I am not a long lasting lover ( hint hint ), I did tell her that, I must satisfy sexually her first not mater what. do not worry about me, b/c it takes really short amount of time to please me, but a woman , heck, we know it takes more to please. That hurts, on so many levels, that I cannot begin to tell. As a man, I want to brag about my sexual prowess, but alas, I KNOW my shortcoming(s), but i DID tell her tonight that the answer is I must no matter what satisfy her first. forget about me, I'm easy (ha ha), I must work to satisfy her first no mater what.

We have not had sex in about 2 weeks, and she thinks, through sad tears, b/c I never when she was size 22 inch waist never saw her as fat or over weight, she sees me as unattractive, over weight, I am @ 220 pounds. Sure I can lose a few pounds and I need too, but to see ME as fat? really, when through the years, I never saw her as over weight or fact, never... wow, it does hurt, does make me cringe, but what can I do? Hit the gymn? Heck, everyone says they need to loose a few pounds and hit the gymn.

So tonight, we discussed, and spoke, I said I am willing to do anything to take that first step, just give me a list and I'll start to work on it, sexual intimacy, not my strong suit , but willing to work in satisfying her first, me last, not matter what, met with tears.

Why is there tears? Why do I feel real pain? WHY did I not feel this or even see this years ago?

Again, I did this, not her, but she says it is her pain, her loss, her non attractiveness, but why do I hurt, why does it hurt so much?

Thank you all for allowing me to express all my pain and guilt. Maybe, as time goes by one can truly see what it is I have done and all I want to say is, I am sorry, and I truly am wanting to change.


change, the most difficult things for a man to say.

Thank you, and good night.


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## TRGarner (Sep 5, 2012)

Last night we went out, hung out with her friends and had a good time, went to Walmart picked up some groceries and then went home.

What can I say? We didn't argue, had a great time with each other, but when we went to bed, there is still a divided line between the two of us, she sleeps on her side and I sleep on mine, If I touch her, she shuffles off, if I lay my arm on her, she will toss it aside.

But one night at a time. Last night was a good night for hanging out.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

TR,

Sounds as if you may suffer from premature ejaculation. See an MD for that issue now!

Lose the weight and the two of you need to hit the counseling hard! You may even want to consider a sex therapist for your issues.

You also need to ask your wife if she wants to try and save this. She may have already checked out and is just going through the motions. 

Good luck!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Read this, it's not a sex manual. It's about your attractiveness to you wife. You need a MAP. You'll see.
Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits..

Google premature ejaculation (PE), you will find many techniques to help, they are easy and only require a few weeks of practice. 

Don't give up.


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