# Seperation has made a mess of my life



## brokengirl (May 30, 2011)

Hi All,

Just had to post as I'm feeling at the end of my rope here. Husband left me 2 months ago and at first I thought I was coping well. But gradually things are going from bad to worse. .

I have been left in huge financial debt - he has moved out and left me to care for our little girl. His business went bust at Christmas so he is unable to pay me maintenance (he is currently unemployed too) so i'm trying to pay all bills on my own. He is currently living with a friend of his.

All the stress of the breakup and financial difficulty led to many sleepless nights which has really had a detrimental effect on my job performance. It has led to me making mistakes on the job and now it looks likely I will be canned.

I just feel like everywhere I turn there are more and more problems and I can't see a way out.

Thanks for listening I just needed to talk to someone who has been there.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Broken, I am so sorry to hear that. Do the folks at your work place (supervisors, etc.) know about your situation. Sometimes, people at work do understand and may be willing to give you some time. Also, are there any local agencies that can be of help to you. Everyone gets into a bind at some point in their lives maybe you can check with a United Way agancy (they have multiple agencies that might be able to assist you) in your area or Catholoc Charities. I don't really know, I am just throwing some things out there. Maybe someone else on here has some other suggestions.

Hang in there, pray a lot and you will get through this. There are many folks on here going through similer things.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

@ brokengirl, at times like these, my mother taught me to just stop and be still. Don't make any rush o decisions that may affect your family negatively. If you believe in prayer, pray for comfort and clarity of your next steps. I pray your job will be more understanding and apply your previous experiences instead of the current upheaval. Take time for you and revamp.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. My work has suffered a lot and I've made some pretty nasty mistakes. Unfortunately my mistakes cost people jobs and can cost my company a lot of money. One clerical error and I'm sending people back to Bangalore without their families. It keeps me awake at night wondering what I might have screwed up.

Ok now I'm stressed and gonna go check work emails. I hope it gets better for you really soon!


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## brokengirl (May 30, 2011)

Hi folks,

Thanks for the replies. It really really helps to know other people have gone through similar. Yes i am applying for any financial support due to me but it is taking a lot of time. I had been left with a lot of arrears on utility bills too so had to pay each one of them down first and now have to deal with loans and CC debts next.

I work as an agency trainer and took a weeks holidays last week to try to get myself together. It transpires while I was off my boss spotted some mistakes i made which may lead to us not being hired as a company for training by a customer again.

It was a collegue of mine who first spotted the problem and she then reported it to my boss after alerting me in the most abusive tone possible, basically telling me my work was not up to scratch, costing the company money etc.

This has all happened today and i have to go back and face my boss tomorrow. 

I already feel so low and it's difficult to stay strong. I just discovered last weekend that my husband is now seeing someone new.

I already told my boss I am going through a seperation so I just hope he can be understanding.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Doesn't hurt to let him know you are having a hard time and that you are trying to balance work and family life during a life changing event. Tell him you are working to make adjustments to get back into a normal routine. If he cares, then great, he will be understanding and may offer support at work. If he doesn't, then you will be no worse off (he will have to live with himself knowing that he had no concern for another human's suffering). The economy right now is not helping your situation either, I understand that, but it won't stay this way for ever.

hesnothappy says to stop and be still at times like these. Great advice. Do that so you don't run yourself crazy, pray and reflect. Take deep breaths. You do this, get back on your feet and you may be surprised at how well you can do on your own.


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## brokengirl (May 30, 2011)

Thanks Brighterlight. I am normally enthusiastic and efficient at my work apart from the last couple of months. The worst was the way my colleague spoke to me earlier. A few months ago I would not have taken that lying down but my confidence has got so low.
It is definitely time to start taking care of myself.


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## pearlo (Oct 6, 2011)

Hi brokengirl, hope your situation is better now


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

United Way sponsors an information line for assistance dial 211 and they will direct you to resources in your area...I haven't had much luck with utility bills because EVERYTHING was in his name and I can't prove that he has left the house.

My husband also lost a big contract in December/January and hasn't embraced the concept of working for someone else and continuing the business part time until people want to start spending on paint and floors and has provided close to nothing for support. And I was just terminated from my little work at home job. I will be moving myself and the kids in to my mom's place some time next week, I had to go on food stamps and medicaid and will try for cash benefits now that I am out of work. My credit card bills are on hold until I start getting cash from either my husband or from a job. Holidays are coming up so maybe a mall job will get me back into the regular workforce after 9 years of staying home with the kids.

One of the very first things I did was apply for food stamps and medicaid.. and applied for legal aid....the state is going after him and he just got ordered to appear in court and his reality has started to sink in. He was here yesterday *warning* me to be fair to him if I expect to him to be fair to me.....so far his idea of being fair to me has been a car battery(for a vehicle he still uses) half of an electric bill, $165 to feed his kids(since the end of August) I only got my EBT card last weekend so I spent the better part of a month scrambling to feed the kids while he was borrowing cash from god knows who(most likely the girlfriend) and catching up the important things like his motorcycle payment.

My brother's wife was abusing drugs, cheating and ultimately tried to kill herself when she was caught....leaving him with 2 preschool aged boys...his employer was happy to work with him while he scrambled to find babysitters that could handle retail hours..he was just honest and let them know what his needs were.


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