# Marriage Problems. Help and Support needed.



## Formless (Apr 23, 2011)

My Wife and i have dated for 4 years and got married because she got pregnant. We were thinking of marriage before this happened but we weren't planning on doing it so soon. We've now been married for 2 years and i thought everything was fine. We've had our arguments and disagreements and i've always thought we've worked them out. I guess i was wrong.

This past month I've noticed distance and i start questioning things. We talked and she said that she doesnt feel the same way about me anymore. However i am so much in love with her. she explains how i havent been there all the time for her; im always out with my friends. We've had this argument many times and i guess i took it for granted and never really made an effort to fix myself. Once you're married you dont have to worry about trying so hard to impress anymore you're binded in the name of God nothing will ever happen to us... Well i guess thats what i thought. How stupid and wrong i was! I realize that this is all my fault. I can list out so many things i did wrong... Go out most every day come home late sleep on the couch instead of with her, i wouldn't help out with the chores most the time...and more, i was horrible and i admit that. Now I've totally changed my outlook on life and my trust in God and i am a new person (at least the person i was when we met), but she says its to late.

Now i find out she met this guy and they have been hanging out alot. I asked about him she finally tells me she kind of likes him and he kissed her. She assured me it wasnt planned and it wont happen again. she told me she just wanted to be friends with him and she told him that. I'm not the kind of person to stop her from doing the things she wants to do and stop her from seeing her 'friend', but it hurts so much to know she could be out alone with this guy and there is nothing i can do. I've always supported her decisions and dreams and I've always tried to do everything i could to help her. I just wasn't good at the relationship/ husband part. I feel like she made up her mind already and i have no more chances. We are still together in the same house and still go out and do things, but i cant kiss her on the lips or cuddle in bed. I guess marriage is just a word and a piece of paper in the end.

I come from a divorced family and i know how it can take a toll on the kids. my son is only almost 2 but if we cant figure things out i dont know how this will affect his life. i really dont want to be that weekend dad that pays child support and lives alone. i dont want to have to answer the question "Why dont you and mommy live together?". No matter how hard i try, i feel like there is no progress. She said she wants to be on her own do her own things. i feel like i just wasted 6 years of my life and i have nothing to show for it except my son. She did say she still loves me, but just as my sons dad. She says she wont leave us (at least not yet) but it feels like we're just roommates. i miss the love and i really want it back. What else can i do...? Is it really over? Do i even deserve another chance? Its up to God i guess...


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

It's never a good idea to get married because of pregnancy or small children. Such marriages rarely last because they come from obligation, not love. 
You obviously didn't care too much about her or your family, if you easily lived the life of a frat boy while you had adult commitments. She is pulling away because of your utter lack of regard for your wife's feelings. Sometimes you just don't know what you have, till it's gone. 
Normally, I would tell you to put your foot down and man up. However, your wife simply moved on with her life independently because you didn't care about being her husband and a responsible father. This will be an uphill battle. Let your wife know that if she ends her affair, you are committed to being a true partner and dad. Outline the changes you will make and then just do them. If she responds well, follow through with your promises. Now, should your wife maintain her need to be independent of you, go and get an attorney. Divorce is not easy, but at least you will know where your wife stands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Formless (Apr 23, 2011)

i have changed and i am doing everything i can to be a better father and husband. its just i dont see much progress. i am not a bad guy, just getting married and having a kid so young i guess i still wanted a free life and didn't realize how much it was hurting us. like i said though we were maybe obligated to get married, but we truly loved each other and new we would have gotten married eventually. i did care for her and my family. i was out alot, but we still had dates and did things as a family. we went on trips and we were happy most the time. we just had the same argument once and a while and more often this past month or 2


----------

