# Married 6 years, now have an std?



## nodirection (Jul 30, 2012)

Well the title sums this post up. I've been married and faithful for 6 years. My wife is currently pregnant with child number 2. Before we were married I had an ex that informed me that she was diagnosed with HPV. Not good but no huge deal. I was tested and the tests didn't show anything. My wife tested positive so I can only assume I transferred it to her. That was 6 or 7 years ago. My wife has never had any issues with this other than abnormal paps. Now fast forward to this past Dec. Out of nowhere I get a horrible red rash on my penis. I have no idea what it is or was so I chock it up to a yeast infection due to my wife being pregnant. Well it goes away and a couple weeks later I'm finding small clear blisters. I'm freaking out and the only thing I can find online that looks like a possibility is herpes. I've had three of these blister episodes since the first rash in Dec. They will come up and last between a couple days to a week and a half. They itch incredibly and appear on both the head and area below the head. I'm at a total loss now. I have been 100% faithful throughout the relationship and I would like to think she has been too. I have no reason to think she hasn't been up until now. I have no clue. Herpes doesn't just randomly pop up without reason. I've read online that there are cases of it laying dormant for years but I don't know if that is possible or not. I went today and got lab work done to find out what exactly I've got. Hopefully I'll have results within the week. I'm just lost here, not sure what to really think at this point.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

No need to jump to conclusions!

1.) Find out EXACTLY what you've got, not what you THINK you've got.

2.) Make an appointment with YOUR doctor for NEXT WEEK. Take the RESULTS of your test TO YOUR DOCTOR and ask him/her to EXPLAIN to you the possibilities and most likely scenarios for how you could have gotten it (dormant for years, recent infection, etc.).

After you speak to your doctor, you will know what is what. Regardless of what you're told, have your wife check with HER OB/GYN so there is no potential harm to the baby NOW or at the time of delivery.

Good luck!


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Have you been under unusual stress and/or using new detergent or soap?

As PP said, no need to assume the worst YET. Glad you got tested for your peace of mind though.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Before you panic, get an understanding of herpes. It's possible to get oral herpes in childhood, have few to no outbreaks for many years, and then have it get active again. 

Granted, the way you describe this is less likely to fit that scenario, depending on the type of virus, but here's a good article that explains just how common the two types are and what can influence a person's susceptibility to it. 

Herpes simplex virus 1 and 2


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## myfirsthissecond (Jan 6, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> No need to jump to conclusions!
> 
> 1.) Find out EXACTLY what you've got, not what you THINK you've got.
> 
> ...


^^^I agree.


And

My sister-in-law was a virgin when she met and married her husband. Two years after their wedding she was diagnosed with HPV. She was treated and had them removed off her cervix. She freaked out....She was told by her doctor that some women are born with the virus and don't develop signs and symptoms till pregnancy occurs. As for your signs and symptoms be sure real sure, like doctor saw them sure. Then don't ever Google health issues again...always seek the docs advice Google is good but troublesome. My husband had the same sort of thing occur above his pubic area the doc said it was a sebaceous cyst and the rash could have been from heat or stress...it was July so we chalked it up to heat.

Sores when healing itch, also when you have any raised skin it will itch...So I'm gonna say it again go to the doctor and get it checked.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

myfirsthissecond said:


> My sister-in-law was a virgin when she met and married her husband. Two years after their wedding she was diagnosed with HPV. She was treated and had them removed off her cervix. She freaked out....She was told by her doctor that some women are born with the virus and don't develop signs and symptoms till pregnancy occurs.


The doctor was covering for the guy. Back when it was syphilis and clap, the doctors would tell the wives it came from a toilet seat. The H had the HPV already and then give it to the bride.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Localized staph infections can also resemble herpes.


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## nodirection (Jul 30, 2012)

I went to the Dr today. I hope it isn't what I think it it's but I'm not very optimistic. I like to think I'm semi level headed when it comes to not freaking out over little things. This like I said has occurred on three occasions, four if you include that initial rash. I'm trying to be calm about it. I'm a 27 yr old and this is kind of a big deal for me. I have never had blisters in any form down there and this has me worried. I will hopefully have the results in a couple days so maybe it will prove to be something else but not sure what.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Has your wife seen the rash? What did she say? 

I know it's hard to stay calm until you get the test results, but try. Fingers are crossed that it's the new laundry detergent or something.


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## nodirection (Jul 30, 2012)

She has. She seems as confused as I am. She has had numerous labs done throughout this pregnancy and nothing has come back odd or out of the normal. I don't know if they test for this type of stuff during pregnancy or not.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

Just one quick point. 
Until you get an all clear from your doctor do not have any intermate contact with your wife. If you have got an infection you should not expose / re-expose your wife / unborn child to it.
As you say your wife has seen the rash I am sure she will understand and support this tempoary halt in the physicl side of your relationship.

I hope you find an explanatiopn of and treatment for your condition.


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## nodirection (Jul 30, 2012)

Definitely not having any sex while there is anything remotely odd going on. The few times we have since Dec I have verified there were zero visual signs of anything beforehand. There is no sex drive while experiencing something like this, that might just be me...


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## myfirsthissecond (Jan 6, 2013)

Signs or not it is still possible to spread it to the wife. So....sorry just abstain till doc gives you diagnoses or medication. My cousin got HSV from her husband and the doc said that while she was pregnant it was best to abstain from contact if he kept breaking out. They said make sure he's free from any break outs for two to three weeks before any sexual contact. If you keep breaking out than its best just to hold off for a while.


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## myfirsthissecond (Jan 6, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> The doctor was covering for the guy. Back when it was syphilis and clap, the doctors would tell the wives it came from a toilet seat. The H had the HPV already and then give it to the bride.


I doubt the doc was covering for the husband, he too was a virgin. She told my sister in law that that's why they have a vaccine now for women. They are supposed to get it when they are sixteen. They also said that most women who have it have no symptoms but since she also has MRSA it aggravated the symptoms.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

why would you post here before seeing a doctor?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I agree..do not have sex with your wife even symptom free.You can pass STD's with no symptoms.You passed HPV to your wife with no symptoms didn't you ?Now she is at risk for cervical cancer.

Also what you are describing could be many things.But as Kathy mentioned as far as herpes? You can pass that on to the genitals from a "cold sore"..I got that type when I was a little girl.(mouth sores it was not "sexually transmitted " however)..my mother had them and passed them to me and my brother..Does your wife get cold sores?(lip ulcers?)..


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## myfirsthissecond (Jan 6, 2013)

Drover said:


> why would you post here before seeing a doctor?


Give the man a break he's scared and hoping that someone...he doesn't know....can help him see reason and calm his fears!


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## nodirection (Jul 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Married 6 years, now have an std?*



Drover said:


> why would you post here before seeing a doctor?


If you read the initial post I posted this after seeing the Dr. I'm currently awaiting lab results. Why do any of you post on forums, it is to communicate. If I'm wrong by posting this prior to receiving the results than my bad. 

To whoever asked about my wife and cold sores, she has not had one in the time we have been together. I've had cold sores since I was a pre-teen. I usually have two or so a year. I assume I got them from my mother as she has gotten them as long as I can remember. 

To the one who mentioned that I passed on HPV to my wife without knowing. Yes, I did. I was 20 when this happened, and most men never know that they even carry the virus. Some studies say as many as one out of every 3 or 4 sexually active people carry hpv during their life. Had I ever known this than obviously I would not have willingly passed this on. Do not paint me as the person who is maliciously passing on std's to anyone I can. That is absurd. What if the ex that passed it to me never told me? Would I still be at fault for putting her at risk for cervical cancer? We had been together and intimate for months prior to me finding out anything was amiss. Also as I said in the initial post once I was checked for it the Dr could find nothing. So again do not make me sound like some jerk who knowingly and willingly did this to her.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

You're fine to post here, nodirection. You don't need ANYBODY'S prior approval to post here. If people are misunderstanding your situation, yeah, it's AGGRAVATING. Just relax and take what is USEFUL to you and your situation, and leave the rest!


Chill out, Drover, the guy's a little freaked out and who's he gonna talk to about this in real life? his buddies? Have a little compassion.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Have a paternity test scheduled while you are getting everything else looked at.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

A paternity test while the child is still in-utero can be dangerous.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Hope you're doing better, nodirection!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

If you're still worried about herpes, go to The Original Herpes Home Page!! and start reading. They have many good people to help answer your questions. The short answer is that a spouse with no active outbreaks could easily have this for years without passing it on to their partner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

nodirection said:


> If you read the initial post I posted this after seeing the Dr. I'm currently awaiting lab results. Why do any of you post on forums, it is to communicate. If I'm wrong by posting this prior to receiving the results than my bad.
> 
> To whoever asked about my wife and cold sores, she has not had one in the time we have been together. I've had cold sores since I was a pre-teen. I usually have two or so a year. I assume I got them from my mother as she has gotten them as long as I can remember.
> 
> To the one who mentioned that I passed on HPV to my wife without knowing. Yes, I did. I was 20 when this happened, and most men never know that they even carry the virus. Some studies say as many as one out of every 3 or 4 sexually active people carry hpv during their life. Had I ever known this than obviously I would not have willingly passed this on. Do not paint me as the person who is maliciously passing on std's to anyone I can. That is absurd. What if the ex that passed it to me never told me? Would I still be at fault for putting her at risk for cervical cancer? We had been together and intimate for months prior to me finding out anything was amiss. Also as I said in the initial post once I was checked for it the Dr could find nothing. So again do not make me sound like some jerk who knowingly and willingly did this to her.





> To whoever asked about my wife and cold sores, she has not had one in the time we have been together. I've had cold sores since I was a pre-teen. I


HATE TO TELL YA..but you already have herpes.Cold sores is the herpes virus...(a strain). and that virus) can attatch to the genitals..

And yes if you transferred HPV to your wife..she is at much higher risk for cervical cancer..HPV is one of the most common STD's and I believe about 90% of the cause of cervical cancer..testing negative for cancer one year..doesnt mean the next year she wont..Hence every woman gets a pap smear every year or two..She is at higher risk by far for cervical cancer for life due to her HPV infection .Period..Its the # 1 cause of cervical cancer...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Do not paint me as the person who is maliciously passing on std's to anyone I can.


No one ever said that..your OP is about your wife possibly giving you an STD.The only reason that is a topic..


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

Some things do lie dormant for years. I read somewhere that 80% of the people who have herpes don't know it. They get something they think is a mild jock rash it goes away and they may never have another symptom again or years down the road something pops up. I wouldn't look at this as evidence of infidelity.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

curlysue321 said:


> Some things do lie dormant for years. I read somewhere that 80% of the people who have herpes don't know it. They get something they think is a mild jock rash it goes away and they may never have another symptom again or years down the road something pops up. I wouldn't look at this as evidence of infidelity.


The little i know from first year at med school about herpes is this. Can be caused by hsv1 OR 2... Used to be thought that hsv1 was above the belt ie mouth / oral herpes and hsv 2 below the belt but its been found that either can cause either... Finally once you get herpes mouth or genital you have it forever AND importnatly you DO shed it EVEN if asymptomatice so if she had the oral herpes and performed oral that could have given you genital version basically there are various possibilities here. Finally police and the law no longer use herpes infection on children as evidence of sexuall abuse supporting the idea that either can cause oral of gentlital....
By the way 80% of people out there have hsv infection ... Most oral

Dont know if that helps....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> To whoever asked about my wife and cold sores, she has not had one in the time we have been together. I've had cold sores since I was a pre-teen.


You could have given yourself genital herpes by spreading your oral herpes to your penis via your hands.

You can also spread it to your wife via kissing and oral sex.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

norajane said:


> You could have given yourself genital herpes by spreading your oral herpes to your penis via your hands.
> 
> You can also spread it to your wife via kissing and oral sex.


That's my understanding of certain strains.The kind you get on your mouth and lips what we call "cold sores" (ya know what they sell "Blistex " for) can "transfer" to the genitals...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

norajane said:


> You could have given yourself genital herpes by spreading your oral herpes to your penis via your hands.
> 
> You can also spread it to your wife via kissing and oral sex.


I caught it from my mother so did my brother.As well as being unedcuated on the subject gave it to my son.(my second one) a pediatrician when he was COVERED in blisters on his mouth..I mean dozens so I took him said "you gave this to him"..He wasn't trying to be mean to me..I just never knew now I do..

GOOD news is with a healthy immune system my understanding is over time the virus gets weaker..for example I haven't had a cold sore for in ....years..where as before I had them every year for weeks..ya know what I mean ..multiple sores that took a couple weeks to resolve..rarely get them now..cant remember the last time actually ..where as before I was plagued.Same with my brother..he actually went into a "study" for not a cure of course but management..(similar to the flu) ..to lessen symptoms and duration..we had them BAD>>>>>>>

Meantime I transfered to one child and husband..husband to blame..I knew ..and I said NOPE I cant kiss you THIS is contagioius ..he said "I dont care"...:scratchhead:..Then he got the sores...he said "you did this to me" I said "you asked for it.."

Its actually painful in fact to kiss with those on your lips..UGHH>.horrible..very painful ..and embarassing...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> A paternity test while the child is still in-utero can be dangerous.


There is now a paternity test done using the mother's blood. They can separate the child's blood cells and test those for paternity. It's apparently just as good as any other method.

So it's no longer dangerous to do a paternity test before birth.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nodirection said:


> If you read the initial post I posted this after seeing the Dr. I'm currently awaiting lab results. Why do any of you post on forums, it is to communicate. If I'm wrong by posting this prior to receiving the results than my bad.
> 
> To whoever asked about my wife and cold sores, she has not had one in the time we have been together. I've had cold sores since I was a pre-teen. I usually have two or so a year. I assume I got them from my mother as she has gotten them as long as I can remember.
> 
> To the one who mentioned that I passed on HPV to my wife without knowing. Yes, I did. I was 20 when this happened, and most men never know that they even carry the virus. Some studies say as many as one out of every 3 or 4 sexually active people carry hpv during their life. Had I ever known this than obviously I would not have willingly passed this on. Do not paint me as the person who is maliciously passing on std's to anyone I can. That is absurd. What if the ex that passed it to me never told me? Would I still be at fault for putting her at risk for cervical cancer? We had been together and intimate for months prior to me finding out anything was amiss. Also as I said in the initial post once I was checked for it the Dr could find nothing. So again do not make me sound like some jerk who knowingly and willingly did this to her.


Do you have results yet? What's up?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

:flowerkitty:


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> That's my understanding of certain strains.The kind you get on your mouth and lips what we call "cold sores" (ya know what they sell "Blistex " for) can "transfer" to the genitals...


It's very rare to reinfect yourself with the same strain in a different location. It can happen, but it's not a very likely scenario.


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## brightlight (Feb 18, 2013)

nodirection said:


> Well the title sums this post up. I've been married and faithful for 6 years. My wife is currently pregnant with child number 2. Before we were married I had an ex that informed me that she was diagnosed with HPV. Not good but no huge deal. I was tested and the tests didn't show anything. My wife tested positive so I can only assume I transferred it to her. That was 6 or 7 years ago. My wife has never had any issues with this other than abnormal paps. Now fast forward to this past Dec. Out of nowhere I get a horrible red rash on my penis. I have no idea what it is or was so I chock it up to a yeast infection due to my wife being pregnant. Well it goes away and a couple weeks later I'm finding small clear blisters. I'm freaking out and the only thing I can find online that looks like a possibility is herpes. I've had three of these blister episodes since the first rash in Dec. They will come up and last between a couple days to a week and a half. They itch incredibly and appear on both the head and area below the head. I'm at a total loss now. I have been 100% faithful throughout the relationship and I would like to think she has been too. I have no reason to think she hasn't been up until now. I have no clue. *Herpes doesn't just randomly pop up without reason*. I've read online that there are cases of it laying dormant for years but I don't know if that is possible or not. I went today and got lab work done to find out what exactly I've got. Hopefully I'll have results within the week. I'm just lost here, not sure what to really think at this point.


I don't think this is true. I am sure Herpes _can_ show up at anytime for no reason.

You have said that an ex-girlfriend had Herpes and that you think you passed it to your wife. Surely the simplest explanation for your current condition is a herpes outbreak. 

OK, it could be something else. But on the evidence you have presented, what are the chances?


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

My dad was told by his doctor he had herpes on his penis. It caused a significant amount of marital duress at the time with each accusing the other. It turns out, he was hunting and peed on the wrong vine. It was nothing more than poison ivy. Don't jump to conclusions yet.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

brightlight said:


> You have said that an ex-girlfriend had Herpes and that you think you passed it to your wife.


He didn't say that at all. He said HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) is what he got from a girlfriend and passed on to his wife. That's not the same (or even close) to HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus). He also said that he was tested for HPV, which is not correct because there is no text for HPV in men and the type that causes cervical cancer do not show up as visible warts.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> My dad was told by his doctor he had herpes on his penis. It caused a significant amount of marital duress at the time with each accusing the other. It turns out, he was hunting and peed on the wrong vine. It was nothing more than poison ivy. Don't jump to conclusions yet.


TRUE!!! One of my sons got poison oak peeing in the creek!Of course it was other places .He had to take oral steroids.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> He didn't say that at all. He said HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) is what he got from a girlfriend and passed on to his wife. That's not the same (or even close) to HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus). He also said that he was tested for HPV, which is not correct because there is no text for HPV in men and the type that causes cervical cancer do not show up as visible warts.


Thats TRUE!

A man can carry HPV NO signs and no way to detect..he can give it to a woman who DIES from it by way of cervical cancer..its a sneaky little virus...

Now they have a shot for girls..(as they are the ones that die from it),,to I guess build up her immunitiy to fight off contracting it..


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> He didn't say that at all. He said HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) is what he got from a girlfriend and passed on to his wife. That's not the same (or even close) to HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus). He also said that he was tested for HPV, which is not correct because there is no text for HPV in men and the type that causes cervical cancer do not show up as visible warts.


He did also say that he has oral herpes.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Thats TRUE!
> 
> A man can carry HPV NO signs and no way to detect..he can give it to a woman who DIES from it by way of cervical cancer..its a sneaky little virus...
> 
> Now they have a shot for girls..(as they are the ones that die from it),,to I guess build up her immunitiy to fight off contracting it..


My understanding is that they give it to girls not because they're the ones dying but because they're the only ones who haven't contracted it. Something like 80% of women who have sex will be exposed to it during their lifetimes. Once you've had sex with more than one partner you're very likely to have been exposed, so it's just not worth it to give the vaccine to women over 20 or so (unless they're virgins).

Even though most women will be exposed to the virus, it's extremely rare that it develops into cancer. In almost every case it just clears on its own within a year. When it does cause cancer it often happens decades after the actual exposure.

STD Facts - Human papillomavirus (HPV)


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

It is possible to have herpes and not know you have it until years later. Here is a link..

Genital herpes - PubMed Health


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## brightlight (Feb 18, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> He didn't say that at all. He said HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) is what he got from a girlfriend and passed on to his wife. That's not the same (or even close) to HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus). He also said that he was tested for HPV, which is not correct because there is no text for HPV in men and the type that causes cervical cancer do not show up as visible warts.


You are right. He _didn't_ sat his ex had herpes. I made a mistake.

The symptoms he has now do sound like herpes though. You can get it and not show symptoms and so not know you have it.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> He didn't say that at all. He said HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) is what he got from a girlfriend and passed on to his wife. That's not the same (or even close) to HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus). He also said that he was tested for HPV, which is not correct because there is no text for HPV in men and the type that causes cervical cancer do not show up as visible warts.


And actually, he said he assumed he passed it on. While he may have, it is also possible that she already had it (if she had sex prior to her husband). No blame to anyone, just a recognition that HPV seems to be everywhere.


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