# Recently married...but crushing on somone...



## TNM86 (May 9, 2018)

*.*

.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You are cheating emotionally. The best thing to do is delete his number and stop interacting with this person. You are a married lady. Act like one. 

He is no prize. Any man who trys to get involved with a married is no good. Bet you give him some and he will start treating you like crap. There are men like this, who goes after unavailable women, its a rush for them. Its the player's mentality. 

Now, you are going to stop this nonsense and have a talk with your husband. Explain to him that his weight has become an issue and your sex life is suffering. And he needs to stop being so messy.

Now stop seeing your husband in a negative light because that will only create more negativity within you. Try to remember why you love him and why you married. 

If you can't do this then you should leave your marriage before you start having a physical affair with this guy.

Good luck.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You ARE cheating emotionally,unless you understand that you won’t get any benefit from any advice you get here.
You meet a handsome stranger,openly flirt with him,exchange numbers and then had a date with him and this is within seven months of your wedding.
There is a name for women like you but I don’t want to be banned so I won’t use it.
Do your unfortunate husband a huge favor and divorce him,maybe he can find a loyal,faithful woman instead of someone who rewrites history and throws herself at the first player who catches her (Wandering) eye.


----------



## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

TNM86 said:


> Hi ladies! I am new here! This may be a long post and I apologize in advance. So I got married alittle over 7 months now and have been with my guy for over 6 years. I never had any desire for anyone else or was ever interested in anyone else. My husband takes care of us and we have fun when we go out but sex for us hasn't really existed lately. We use to crave each other and now it just seems like the passion has gone away and I've talked to him about this but he just seems like whatever about it...In the past 7 months we had sex a couple of times.. he is either always tired which he works a lot or I'm already asleep when he gets home and he seems to have trouble keeping "it" up sorry I know TMI... he has struggled with some weight issues so maybe that's why.. but anyways about this guy I am crushing on is a good friend of my sister's she met a couple years ago and when I met him I was engaged at the time. He asked her about me and she told him I was engaged and I was also like "Damn sis who is your friend"? He is super tall dark and handsome... anyways months went by and I ran into him again at a bar with my sister and we both just kept smiling at staring at each other and I just kind of let it go since it was closer to my wedding I just thought of it as innocent. My sister came back into town last month to visit which I forgot to mention she lives out of state now but anyways some of her friends and our family had a get together at this bar she use to work at and He came.(my crush) My husband didn't come that night. I was so super nervous around him I don't know why but of course we wound up exchanging numbers because he wanted me and my friends to come visit him where he works so I thought if it as nothing. We then added each other on snapchat and he started sending me flirty chats saying how pretty or gorgeous I am and I told him how handsome I thought he is and that how I wished I had met him before. Ever since then we have been snapchatting each other and flirting and I can't get him out of my head😔 I want to delete him but I don't either. I also invited him out a couple weeks ago to this bar with my friends just because I wanted to know more about him as to hoping I wouldn't like him but wound up liking him more.. what the hell is wrong with me?? I do love my husband but certain things have been putting me off about him with our non existing sex life and he is such a slob.. he leaves masses all over and doesn't clean up after himself. Do I just like this guy because I am lacking passion with my husband? Has anyone ever delt with this having a crush while married? It also doesn't help when he messages me telling me he can't get me out of his head either. The past couple days we haven't really talked much and when he does message me I try to keep it short and simple. I have told my sister about us and she says it was fade away...I feel so quilty and aweful like I am cheating emotionally..


Oh yeah ita an emotional affair, quit talking to him as this will snow ball fast. Before you know it you'll be under this guy, and causing all worlds of hurt!



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

7 months and you’re interested in another dude? You say you love your husband, but you need to be realistic and face up to the fact that you can’t love your husband and be “crushing” on another dude at the same time.

After this crush is done with you, you’ll be moving on to the next affair for that high feeling you get out of being with someone new. That’s what you’re chasing.

Either figure out what love is and what it isn’t, or get a divorce.
Never flirt with another dude when you’re married. They flirt BACK. And it will work on your mind and ruin the marriage.
This guy most likely has several women that he’s with. Don’t be stupid enough to think you’re “special” to him. You’re just another notch on his bed, or soon will be.

I think you should go ahead and divorce while you can claim you were faithful (even though you aren’t)


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Your playing a very dangerous game, you want to deny it, you may even deny it to yourself but your subconscious mind knows better, you know your tempting those boundaries, pushing yourself to the edge thinking that you will be able to call yourself back before its too late but your sadly mistaken...i get it your marriage was not what you expected to be, your bored and he is new and exciting so your like a little girl....i bet if he reaches over and kisses you will not stop him, and then your feel guilty thinking "oh what was i thinking? i didn't mean for it to happen"...and everything else that sounds contrite but your lying to yourself...because deep down you want you want to be in his trap but play the victim at the same time...sorry sister not working seen that to many times. time to put on your big girl pants and decide what you want, and if its not your husband then go hime and tell him that but don't play these games.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

brooklynAnn said:


> You are cheating emotionally. The best thing to do is delete his number and stop interacting with this person. You are a married lady. Act like one.
> 
> He is no prize. Any man who trys to get involved with a married is no good. Bet you give him some and he will start treating you like crap. There are men like this, who goes after unavailable women, its a rush for them. Its the player's mentality.
> 
> ...



This (above) times 10. You really sound super young. Ok I get it. 

But here is the deal, if you loved your husband, ever, then you better recognize what you are doing. 

You are already cheating on your husband!!!!

Is that the type of woman that you want to be? Is this what you want for your life to be a cheater? I guess because your husband is not taking care of business then you can start looking for a player to bang? 

What you are going through is a down time in your marriage. Actually it is a down time in your relationship. And guess what, there is a reason that they call it the "Seven Year Itch". 

You are making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. If you continue you will go down one path, it is a path of betrayal. If you choose the other path, at least you can move forward with honesty in your life. 

Now if you want your marriage, then sit hubby down and have a real talk. If not file for divorce...


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I'd recommend you purchase the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". It will explain how emotional needs work, why you're experiencing this problem, and how to fix it. The short version is that your husband is no longer fulfilling your emotional needs. Those unmet needs are begging to be satisfied, which is pushing you towards anything that will do so (this other dude, in this case).

It's critically important that you tell this other man that you can no longer speak to him, that you're married, and it was wrong for you entertain him the way you did. After that, you need to tell your husband what happened. I know telling him is a scary proposition, but he needs to know that your relationship is on the brink of failure. He needs to know that you're vulnerable, and are being tempted by other men. This will ensure the problem is addressed, and that you can't slip into an affair in the comfortable darkness of your husband's ignorance.

After you tell him what's going on and apologize, then you need to tell him what you need (more frequent sex & him cleaning up after himself, for example). If he does not start meeting your needs, you will remain vulnerable to the temptation of getting those needs met outside marriage. So be sure that both of you start meeting each other's needs with enthusiasm.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Take a good few days and read on here. Read lots of posts. When you read think that this is the man you have been with for 6 years writing this and you who did it. 

Whatever is going on in your marriage talk to your husband. Work on it hard. If after that you still want to cheat divorce him. You honor is now worth what your doing. Don't destroy you and your husbands dignity for some fleeting attraction.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

One more thing. This is marriage everything you wrote. People have trouble in marriage and get on each others nerves. Some folks lose site of their spouse, get fat all that stuff. You are not a good partner unless you say - "Hey this isn't what I signed up for. I need you to do better." That doesn't mean you nag but you make it plain. Then if the person doesn't change you divorce. That is how you handle this kind of situation without destroying your spouse or yourself. This is the mature way of handling it.

Your honor is more important then some dude, or even your marriage. Read some posts on here who have gone where you are thinking of going. They regret it for years and years. 

Turn your lust of for a while and use you intelligence. If it doesn't work out you lust can be there in an honorable way. You are already having and emotional affair. Your sister is also an enemy of your marriage and your husband. Why are you not fighting on his behalf?

Read the first post in this thread, is this you?


----------



## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

The marriage is ****ed. You're too untrustworthy and have little self-control.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@TNM86 Why did you marry your husband?

You were into this other man before you got married, so where do you go from here?

Incidentally, how old are you?


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You are cheating, tell your H and end your marriage, game over


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

And the chances of her post count going from 1 to 2 are becoming less likely by the second. Maybe a post in coping with infidelity months down the road when this other guy 'cheats' on her.


----------



## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

So, let me get this straight: You have been married 7 months, you have little sex life, you consider your husband a slob, he can not keep an erection, you have a crush....and you felt this way when you married him after 6 years together?

Do yourself and this man a favor and ask for a divorce now. You promised him your life and he promised his to you. You have stolen his life from him and robbed him of your life.


----------



## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

The chances of your marriage succeeding are slim to none, and slim just left town.

You knew your hubs for years, then you get married (commitment) and the sex dries up and you start looking elsewhere immediately. 

Translation: You are not marriage material. That's ok. Most people aren't.


----------



## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I had a “crush” on another guy early in my marriage. We worked together and flirted a little. It was confusing for me because I really loved my husband but I also liked the attention and thrill of this new guy. My husband and I had been married a couple years at this point and were going through a weird phase (long story but I wasn’t feeling as desired as I needed to be). I was also young and immature. This other guy was telling me that I deserved better and that I was being disrespected (I was and my husband admits this now). It was easy to develop a little crush.

The BIG difference is that it never went further than that. He was a fairly decent guy and not out to wreck my marriage and I knew that I loved my husband and didn’t want to hurt him. We never spent any time with each other outside of work, never even spoke outside of working hours. I realized what was happening and started distancing myself. 
I have never let myself get that close to a male friend again.

You’ve already taken this much further than you should. You are having an emotional affair. You have a choice to make right now. Delete this guy and never speak to him again (and have a long talk with your husband) or leave your husband. I’m honestly leaning more towards #2 because it doesn’t sound like you’re ready for marriage.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Short and sweet. You're an idiot.

Do your H a favor and tell him you don't really want to be and act like your married. 
Imbecile. Kindly, I'm not adding more to this ie calling it like it really is. You're a child.

Edited to reflect H above....earlier I had W there. My bad, so shoot me. Comment still stands...OP you'll soon be a wayward wife if you're "crushing" after only 7 months of marriage. Good Lord.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

> non existing sex life and he is such a slob.. he leaves masses all over and doesn't clean up after himself.


Well, here you are looking for justification of your feelings for OM. Make your H a villain. It makes it all better when looking to cheat. The sex life...continue to press the issue. If you H does not respond then look to D amicably. Find another once the D is complete. No matter how poor the sex or how messy your H is, cheating on him is not the right answer.


----------



## rv10flyer (Apr 26, 2018)

He is a typical POS loser player! They prey on vulnerable women, telling them all of the things they want to hear, how you deserve better, how much he will do that your husband does not, how he is so neat, how he has this nice six pack and all of the sexual acts he wants to perform on you. No wonder your sex life sucks! Don’t think for a minute your husband does not feel something has changed about you. I have been there. Yes, it does make it hard to “keep it up”, when your wife is fantasizing about Mr. Tall Dark Handsome. Once he has had his month or two of fun times with you, he will move on to the next girl. If it is like the married, preacher, POSOM from last year, he had them overlapping for years. I bet if you checked him out, you would find others that are also on his mind. It is great that you found this site and not so great for the players out there. I hope you delete, block him, tell your sister to never bring him up again. Then start looking at the positives in your husband, make him your top priority. If not, you are going to destroy your husband forever, your marriage, your reputation, with your high school behavior. Good luck.


----------



## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Short and sweet. You're an idiot.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



@MEM2020 This is acceptable?


----------



## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

rv10flyer said:


> He is a typical POS loser player! They prey on vulnerable women, telling them all of the things they want to hear, how you deserve better, how much he will do that your husband does not, how he is so neat, how he has this nice six pack and all of the sexual acts he wants to perform on you. No wonder your sex life sucks! Don’t think for a minute your husband does not feel something has changed about you. I have been there. Yes, it does make it hard to “keep it up”, when your wife is fantasizing about Mr. Tall Dark Handsome. Once he has had his month or two of fun times with you, he will move on to the next girl. If it is like the married, preacher, POSOM from last year, he had them overlapping for years. I bet if you checked him out, you would find others that are also on his mind. It is great that you found this site and not so great for the players out there. I hope you delete, block him, tell your sister to never bring him up again. Then start looking at the positives in your husband, make him your top priority. If not, you are going to destroy your husband forever, your marriage, your reputation, with your high school behavior. Good luck.


LOL! Was waiting for this...

Stop Blaming The "Other Man" | Dad Starting Over


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

ALL,

Desist with the lynch mob comments. 





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Short and sweet. You're an idiot.
> 
> Do your H a favor and tell him you don't really want to be and act like your married.
> Imbecile. Kindly, I'm not adding more to this ie calling it like it really is. You're a child.
> ...


----------



## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

dadstartingover said:


> LOL! Was waiting for this...
> 
> Stop Blaming The "Other Man" | Dad Starting Over


No mention of her being "groomed" yet?


----------



## TNM86 (May 9, 2018)

Well I wasn't expecting just hateful comments and am well aware that I've done wrong. But is name calling and treating me like **** necessary? All I wanted was advice but I just got mostly all hate. Awesome. Thanks everyone... and I ended the talking and he was deleted and blocked and nothing physical ever or will happen. No more responses needed...thanks..


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

LeananSidhe said:


> I had a “crush” on another guy early in my marriage. We worked together and flirted a little. It was confusing for me because I really loved my husband but I also liked the attention and thrill of this new guy. My husband and I had been married a couple years at this point and were going through a weird phase (long story but I wasn’t feeling as desired as I needed to be). I was also young and immature. This other guy was telling me that I deserved better and that I was being disrespected (I was and my husband admits this now). It was easy to develop a little crush.
> 
> The BIG difference is that it never went further than that. He was a fairly decent guy and not out to wreck my marriage and I knew that I loved my husband and didn’t want to hurt him. We never spent any time with each other outside of work, never even spoke outside of working hours. I realized what was happening and started distancing myself.
> I have never let myself get that close to a male friend again.
> ...


He was a "decent" guy who was trying to drive a wedge into your marriage, disguised as sincere advice.

Guys and girls learn to do this starting in middle school.


----------



## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

TNM86 said:


> Well I wasn't expecting just hateful comments and am well aware that I've done wrong. But is name calling and treating me like **** necessary? All I wanted was advice but I just got mostly all hate. Awesome. Thanks everyone... and I ended the talking and he was deleted and blocked and nothing physical ever or will happen. No more responses needed...thanks..


If what you say is true then that was easy. What I don't understand is why you needed us to tell you this if you could do it so easily.


----------



## TNM86 (May 9, 2018)

I had noone to talk to about this so this was my next best thing...turn to the internet....


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

TNM86 said:


> Thanks everyone... and I ended the talking and he was deleted and blocked and nothing physical ever or will happen.


 Yay! Hope you work on your current marriage. Best of luck.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TNM86 said:


> Well I wasn't expecting just hateful comments and am well aware that I've done wrong. But is name calling and treating me like **** necessary? All I wanted was advice but I just got mostly all hate. Awesome. Thanks everyone... and I ended the talking and he was deleted and blocked and nothing physical ever or will happen. No more responses needed...thanks..


Well done. Stay strong now that you are aware of your own vulnerabilities, you will be able to recognize and avoid them in the future.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TNM86 said:


> I had noone to talk to about this so this was my next best thing...turn to the internet....


And we were here for you. 

I would suggest counselling for you and your husband.


----------



## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

TNM86 said:


> I had noone to talk to about this so this was my next best thing...turn to the internet....




You did the right thing. 

Have you checked other forums? 

You might find what you need somewhere else...


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

TNM86 said:


> Well I wasn't expecting just hateful comments and am well aware that I've done wrong. But is name calling and treating me like **** necessary? All I wanted was advice but I just got mostly all hate. Awesome. Thanks everyone... and I ended the talking and he was deleted and blocked and nothing physical ever or will happen. No more responses needed...thanks..


I think you would be best served by sticking around and reading a lot of the other stories around here. It will help you, it will

I think some people were projecting their own anger on you and and that's understandable because a lot of us have or are getting burned by careless people that we loved and cherished. But most are trying to get a point across, sort of in the same way, that I would waver when dealings with my cheating STBXW, the guys and gals here would hit me with a virtual 2x4 to knock sense into me. That's most of what is going on here. Just take it in stride and hopefully realize how treacherous the waters are of having an emotional fling. None of us hope for divorce, I hope you can get this $h** corrected and get your marriage back on course and back to the vows that were exchanged. People that cheat usually don't do so out of a reflection of their partners but as a reflection of their own demons, insecurities, vulnerabilities, etc. Individual counseling might help with that!


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

MEM2020 said:


> ALL,
> 
> Desist with the lynch mob comments.


My apologies. It just hit me wrong, when a newly married person thought it wouldn't be their issue when they want to stray so quickly. That it would be someone else's fault so it's ok to continue to have a wandering eye and desire. Looking for an ok to proceed with EA or RLA.

My bad (seriously). It doesn't sound like I'm contrite but am.

OP, again my apologies. There indeed shouldn't be name calling here.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Townes said:


> No mention of her being "groomed" yet?


Hey I just read more of DSO's website.

That's good stuff!


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Ragnar,

I love your cousin - Ragnar Lothbrok - in the series Vikings.





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> My apologies. It just hit me wrong, when a newly married person thought it wouldn't be their issue when they want to stray so quickly. That it would be someone else's fault so it's ok to continue to have a wandering eye and desire. Looking for an ok to proceed with EA or RLA.
> 
> My bad (seriously). It doesn't sound like I'm contrite but am.
> 
> OP, again my apologies. There indeed shouldn't be name calling here.


----------

