# Husband doesn't fulfill me sexually



## TreeSuh (Aug 6, 2011)

Stats:
1.) I love my husband he fulfills me in every other aspect in our relationship.
2.) I'm 25 he is 28 and have been married for 6 years.
3.) Hes the only person ive had sex with.
4.) I have an unusually high sex drive.
5.) No children (Now or ever)
6.) We both work full time.

My husband doesn't fulfill me sexually. The beginning was great, we were in love AND in lust! And after about 2 years it started to die off, we still have sex twice a week but his lust for me isint there (Even when he says it is). We are a very open couple and we have talked about this more times then either of us would have cared to. I have tried to explain how much I love him, crave him, want him. He tells me hes sorry that i feel this way, he still loves me and finds me attractive and will try to make sure he shows it more, but doesn't happen. Ive tried roleplays, Different fetishes but now sex is instigated by myself 9/10 times, I do the majority of the work and then am left unsatisfied. He tells me to pull out toys to help when I dont have an orgasm. I understand sex everyday isint an option for him, I Understand that we wont be acting out wild fantasies every time. But I want to feel like he desires me and hes not just having sex because he knows I need it. I have run out of ideas and Im getting frustrated and dont want to hurt his feelings. Any advice?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Man, I hate being Debbie Downer on this topic, but all I can says is this:

You'll get lots of advice from folks here who will direct you towards getting his testosterone checked, to marriage counseling, to bringing porn into the bedroom, among others.

I can't tell you that none of those things will work. I can only tell you that, statistically speaking, your chances of fixing this problem in a way that you, the higher drive spouse, will find acceptable long term are poor. This is one of the most common marriage complaints, and it's one of those that his highly resistant to a solution. Most of the posters here who have successfully solved this problem have done so with a new partner.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

What Cletus says is true, the odds of "fixing" this are slim but I believe that the few who do are the ones that put the most into it. Maybe try approaching this as a personal challenge.

Usually when something is really difficult the majority of people give up. There is and adage that says "if a person wants to do something badly enough, they will find a way, if not, they'll find an excuse".

The odds are against you but you'll really never know until you give it your all. I'm talking full bore, try everything that isn't harmful or dangerous. Nutritional supplements, kink, whatever you can think of within the confines of your marriage. Make a game of pursuit out of it. 

There are also the options Cletus mentioned. A friend of mine got the testosterone implants and it made him a new man but he is in his 60's and with that there is some concern about side effects. He could at least have his levels checked to see. Good luck.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Just to cover all bases, you should make sure he isn't masturbating a lot, and "leaking" out all his sexual energy that way. Both men and women sometimes do this, if they get into a habit of MB'ing just out of boredom or whatever, they may not even notice that it then makes them not want to actually have sex. So what do you both know about your MB habits?

If he isn't leaking his energy that way, then it is highly likely that like Cletus said, you two just have a sexual mismatch and those are usually not easy to fix. 

When you are saying that you don't always gets yours and he says to bring toys in to make sure you get one, you should. In other words, if you aren't getting O's from intercourse, oral or manual with him, then absolutely get the toy out and get it that way.

I'm stressing that only to make sure you understand that sexual mistmatch or not, you're going to have to be in charge of getting your orgasms, it isn't his job to give them to you if it just isn't happening. We should hope our spouse can give them to us, but some women's bodies just don't work that way and "other means" have to be employed. 

When you say it was great before, do you know what changed? Are you saying the change was like night and day, or did things slowly change over the years? 

Can you describe something specific you used to get from him that you aren't getting now, something you could at least ask him for his effort in bringing it back?

How sexually educated do you think you both are?

Why no kids ever? (Just curious, if it's too personal you don't have to answer and my apologies).


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

TreeSuh said:


> Stats:
> 1.) I love my husband he fulfills me in every other aspect in our relationship.
> 2.) I'm 25 he is 28 and have been married for 6 years.
> 3.) Hes the only person ive had sex with.
> ...


If hubby was really loving and caring he would want to help you with his fingers, the toys, his tongue or penis, or all these together in the same session.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Treesuh
as others have said - this is a depressingly common story: a LD / HD (low desire / high desire) relationship.

It being common doesn't make it any less miserable. Often there is simply no way to make the LD partner recognize how much this matters to the HD partner. The relationship goes downhill, the HD partner constantly frustrated and resentful. The LD partner feeling like all the HD partner cares about is sex.

The HD partner will live in frustrated misery, cheat (and be considered in the wrong for doing so), or leave. 

Occasionally it can be fixed, but usually not.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Don't you women understand that we guys just get tired sometimes?

Fvck......


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

:rofl:


TreeSuh said:


> Stats:
> 1.) I love my husband he fulfills me in every other aspect in our relationship.
> 2.) I'm 25 he is 28 and have been married for 6 years.
> 3.) Hes the only person ive had sex with.
> ...


Are you hot? By that I mean, have you taken care of yourself and stayed healthy and sexy so he will desire you. 

We've had a lot of female posters come on here complaining about their LD husbands, only to find out a week or so into the thread that the OP weighs 350 pounds, and then wonders why her hubby doesn't want her.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, have you communicated to your husband that "if it continues, the marriage is over?"

You should

He needs to know EXACTLY how important this is to you. 

Your sex drives are mismatched and it won't work long term. He either adjusts and works on it, or you will need to end it.

Usually, man is in your position. 

Tell him you mean business!!! Reality check might kick in and he MIGHT take it more seriously once he knows his marriage is on the line.



bandit.45 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Are you hot? By that I mean, have you taken care of yourself and stayed healthy and sexy so he will desire you.
> 
> We've had a lot of female posters come on here complaining about their LD husbands, only to find out a week or so into the thread that the OP weighs 350 pounds, and then wonders why her hubby doesn't want her.


Good point


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Are you hot? By that I mean, have you taken care of yourself and stayed healthy and sexy so he will desire you.
> 
> We've had a lot of female posters come on here complaining about their LD husbands, only to find out a week or so into the thread that the OP weighs 350 pounds, and then wonders why her hubby doesn't want her.


Can you link even ONE thread like this? I dare you. If we've had "a lot" of posts where the wife turns out to be 350 pounds (assuming you are also saying that the husband is of average weight) then clearly it will be easy for you to link at least one like that.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It's time to employ a rule about sex. He doesn't get his until you've had yours. PERIOD! If he is too freakin lazy to give you an orgasm, when you're obviously hot for one, why the hell does he think it's okay to pump himself to sleep? I don't get this AT ALL.

Second, MEM has a thread her about temperature. One spouse is the hot one, always seeking connection and reassurance and the other is the cold one, always feeling pressed to give affection and reassurance. It's a sliding scale. The colder one feel too immeshed, too pressured, the continual attempts to connect via sex or plain affectionI can be off putting and make the colder one pull away even more. If you're always seeking his sexual attention it might be wise to back off a bit. During this time, you take care of yourself.

But first, stop having sex with a man who doesn't put effort into your orgasms. The hell with that sister!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Can you link even ONE thread like this? I dare you. If we've had "a lot" of posts where the wife turns out to be 350 pounds (assuming you are also saying that the husband is of average weight) then clearly it will be easy for you to link at least one like that.


I spend the bulk of my time here in SIM. There was one thread in which the scenario Bandit describes was true. But only the one.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> I spend the bulk of my time here in SIM. There was one thread in which the scenario Bandit describes was true. But only the one.


I'm sure he over exaggerated a little, regardless, it doesn't matter.

Still a good point/question!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

TreeSuh said:


> Stats:
> 1.) I love my husband he fulfills me in every other aspect in our relationship.
> 2.) I'm 25 he is 28 and have been married for 6 years.
> 3.) Hes the only person ive had sex with.
> ...


Can you define the problems a bit more clearly;

1. is the main concern that he is disinterested in sex and doesn't initiate?

2. Is it his technique (wham, bam, no foreplay)?

3. Is he just not adventurous and sticks to conventional positions?

4. Does he not stimulate you enough with fingers, oral, caressing?

5. All, or several of the above?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Can you link even ONE thread like this? I dare you. If we've had "a lot" of posts where the wife turns out to be 350 pounds (assuming you are also saying that the husband is of average weight) then clearly it will be easy for you to link at least one like that.


:iagree:

I am blonde haired, blue eyed, 5'7" 135 pounds, and dang beautiful!

My husband still doesn't want to have sex with me.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> It's time to employ a rule about sex. He doesn't get his until you've had yours. PERIOD! If he is too freakin lazy to give you an orgasm, when you're obviously hot for one, why the hell does he think it's okay to pump himself to sleep? I don't get this AT ALL.
> 
> Second, MEM has a thread her about temperature. One spouse is the hot one, always seeking connection and reassurance and the other is the cold one, always feeling pressed to give affection and reassurance. It's a sliding scale. The colder one feel too immeshed, too pressured, the continual attempts to connect via sex or plain affectionI can be off putting and make the colder one pull away even more. If you're always seeking his sexual attention it might be wise to back off a bit. During this time, you take care of yourself.
> 
> But first, stop having sex with a man who doesn't put effort into your orgasms. The hell with that sister!


:iagree:

One of the best pieces of advice on how to deal with a LD husband. Helped me a LOT!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am blonde haired, blue eyed, 5'7" 135 pounds, and dang beautiful!
> 
> My husband still doesn't want to have sex with me.


It's no doubt the pellets.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your options.

1) keep talking about it until you realize it isn't going to change . by that time resentment will have built up enough that divorce will look good

2) have him get a physical bla,bla,bla . after you find out he is in the normal range but just isn't that into you he might even be spanking it as you desire him ....resentment will build and divorce will look good.

3)Just decide to except him the way he is .....But after having to take care of your sexual needs yourself .....resentment will build and you know the rest.

4) no kids, been married a short time cut your losses and fine someone your compatible with sexually.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Tell him you want an open marriage to scratch your itch. See how fast he ups his game.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Can you link even ONE thread like this? I dare you. If we've had "a lot" of posts where the wife turns out to be 350 pounds (assuming you are also saying that the husband is of average weight) then clearly it will be easy for you to link at least one like that.


You...DARE me?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Resentment will kill all sexual attraction between spouses. If you are both in good health, and are not overly fatigued, stressed etc about things in life, then find out where the resentment lies and overcome it together.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Lon said:


> Resentment will kill all sexual attraction between spouses. If you are both in good health, and are not overly fatigued, stressed etc about things in life, then find out where the resentment lies and overcome it together.


I'm with you. I think this is where is problem is. Something's nagging at him.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> I'm with you. I think this is where is problem is. Something's nagging at him.


It can also be because he has low drive.

REGARDLESS, it's something HE has to figure out HIMSELF. Not the OP, OP can only suggest and guess.

My reply still stands. Sexual incompatibility will kill the marriage.

I'm SURE OP has already thought about going outside of marriage....


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Are you hot? By that I mean, have you taken care of yourself and stayed healthy and sexy so he will desire you.
> 
> We've had a lot of female posters come on here complaining about their LD husbands, only to find out a week or so into the thread that the OP weighs 350 pounds, and then wonders why her hubby doesn't want her.


OH NO YOU DIDNT...LMAO

I have a good friend whos wife (was petite...a spinner I believe the term is) when they married...15 years and 2 kids later, she has gained an alarming amount of weight...im talking obese...she has health issues related to it...and all she does when in a group setting is complain about how Darryl wont fvkk her anymore...we look at her like "ew...who would"...she has to be 270-300 lbs...the funny part is when they first married she complained that all darryl wanted to do is fvkk...he wanted it every day, she was happy once a week...beejers stopped shortly after the vows....you just cant please some women

this is an extreme example but if one spouse stays in good shape and the other lets he/herelf go, the sex can go right with it


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening TheCuriousWife
You do know how incredibly frustrating this is to the HD men here 





TheCuriousWife said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am blonde haired, blue eyed, 5'7" 135 pounds, and dang beautiful!
> 
> My husband still doesn't want to have sex with me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I feel your pain OP. I could be considered HD. 2x a day would make me happy but I can hold off for a while and binge all day.

I still get revved up enough to go 5 times an hour, with a break of a half hour in between hours.

Mrs. Conan is no where near my drive and never has been.

She does, however, love me with every fiber of her being.

We work on it together and while it hasn't been easy, she has stepped up and I sometimes just take care of myself.

If your husband really loves you, then do not give up. Do not settle for less and make your needs be known. Let him know that he married a bombshell that most men would love to be drilling into the corner of the bed, over the kitchen counter, in the shower, etc.... But you have chosen him and you want him to taste your passion.

He might need it conveyed to him just how fortunate he is to have such a hot blooded woman that is totally devoted to him.


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