# OW is back after 4 Years



## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Husband and I have been in reconciliation for 4 years. Our marriage has been pretty great and affair is pretty much history minus the occasional trigger. After 4 years, received a note in the mail addressed to husband with no return address but obvious postmark from different state and a short note. I am sure it was intended for me to open. I know this person is certified loony. I know better than to ask as there is no understanding crazy, but why now? I'm pretty sure I know the answer and her life is just crap so she is trying to make everyone else miserable, but WTH? We have not ever retaliated or interfered with her life, so why? I know of stories like this...I expect this is just a start of her downward spiral and we are collateral damage since she was so "wronged". I know it's real but it's hard to understand loony.
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## tech-novelist

You can't control her, but you should be able to ignore her. That's about all you can do, but fortunately it should be enough.


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

That's the plan. It just stinks. I always felt it could happen. It was just out of the blue.
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## GusPolinski

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> Husband and I have been in reconciliation for 4 years. Our marriage has been pretty great and affair is pretty much history minus the occasional trigger. After 4 years, received a note in the mail addressed to husband with no return address but obvious postmark from different state and a short note. I am sure it was intended for me to open. I know this person is certified loony. I know better than to ask as there is no understanding crazy, but why now? I'm pretty sure I know the answer and her life is just crap so she is trying to make everyone else miserable, but WTH? *We have not ever retaliated or interfered with her life, so why?* I know of stories like this...I expect this is just a start of her downward spiral and we are collateral damage since she was so "wronged". I know it's real but it's hard to understand loony.


Is she married? If so, would it be safe to assume (based on the bit in bold above) that the affair was never exposed to her husband?


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Not yet. With a different person than she was with at the time but supposedly happily engaged now. I'm pretty sure that is a front and it's about to blow up in her face. I don't want to expose this now. I just want her to be gone.
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## MountainRunner

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> That's the plan. It just stinks. I always felt it could happen. It was just out of the blue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The OW in my affair (EA) attempted to reconnect with me a few months ago after going dark on her since 12/14. Out of the blue I get this email basically saying "I miss you, please friend me again on FB." Of course, I immediately notified my wife and put the decision in her lap. She opted to simply ignore the email. I'm not sure if it was the most prudent decision, but I vowed to honor any decision she chooses regarding my infidelity.

I expect to be contacted by the OW sometime in the future. Not looking forward to it, but when it happens, we will deal with it then as well.


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## GusPolinski

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> Not yet. With a different person than she was with at the time but supposedly happily engaged now. I'm pretty sure that is a front and it's about to blow up in her face. I don't want to expose this now. *I just want her to be gone.*


A tactical exposure might help w/ that. But yeah... if she's not married then exposure might not have the intended effect. Maybe, though...

Has your husband seen the letter that she sent?


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## thebirdman

If your husband was smart, he would light that note on fire and flush the ashes down the toilet. That's what I would do if my former OW mailed me a note. Some things warrant determined and forceful ejection from your life. That person is one of those things.
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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

I think ignoring is the best. It's just ridiculous. No one "normal" reaches out like that. No one normal knowingly tries to turn ones life upside down. Sure I could expose her to her current fiance but We both suspect it's about to collapse. I don't think husband really understood just how loony she was until today. It hasn't hurt us but it's a crappy trigger for sure. I don't suspect this is the end. As long as she keeps it to crappy mail I'm fine. Lemonade about an affair as the BS is you become smarter, tougher and more patient with things that actually matter. I guess it's kind of like the affair itself...I just don't get it...who does that?
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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Actually, I got it and opened it. I tore it up in little pieces, threw it in the toilet, peed on it and flushed. I told him about getting it but did not relay what was inside nor did he ask. He said how sorry he was and never asked.
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## lovelyblue

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> Actually, I got it and opened it. I tore it up in little pieces, threw it in the toilet, peed on it and flushed. I told him about getting it but did not relay what was inside nor did he ask. He said how sorry he was and never asked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL that's something I would do...Ever better I'd like my dog pee on it.


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## GusPolinski

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> Actually, I got it and opened it. I tore it up in little pieces, threw it in the toilet, peed on it and flushed. I told him about getting it but did not relay what was inside nor did he ask. He said how sorry he was and never asked.


Ha!


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Is this pretty normal? OW or OM reaching out after so many years? It's not as if she has no had relationships in between. Why not make current fiance's life hell (not that I wish that on anyone)?
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## thebirdman

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> Actually, I got it and opened it. I tore it up in little pieces, threw it in the toilet, peed on it and flushed. I told him about getting it but did not relay what was inside nor did he ask. He said how sorry he was and never asked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice touch.
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## MountainRunner

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> Is this pretty normal? OW or OM reaching out after so many years? It's not as if she has no had relationships in between. Why not make current fiance's life hell (not that I wish that on anyone)?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm going with "yes", but that is based upon my experience. Until recently, I didn't know I was "off" in my head regarding relationships. what I mean is that I have been a serial cheater all my life. I have recently been diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder (Histrionic).

Oddly enough, when I have ended relationships/trysts/flings I tend to walk away and never look back. I have had previous "love interests" reconnect with me on social media only to eventually have them show their true intentions.

Needless to say, I no longer have a FB account, twitter, pinterest, instagram...name it. I only stay here.

And I am heavily involved in IC and group.


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## hotshotdot

ThisIsntRealityTV? said:


> Is this pretty normal? OW or OM reaching out after so many years? It's not as if she has no had relationships in between. Why not make current fiance's life hell (not that I wish that on anyone)?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know about normal, but it's not unusual either. Especially when you consider the source is someone who has no boundaries or fear of consequences. 

Sounds like your husband handled it well. And I love how you handled the note!


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Trying not to think about it too much was almost impossible. I think we are both angry and frustrated, him because he knows he brought this into our lives in the first place. I told him I did not blame him for this, of course he does but he also got upset because I kept saying I knew this would happen, she's a lunatic and do you finally believe me now. He said he honestly didn't think this would ever happen and he knows she is crazy and has known. Me saying it over and over just frustrated him more. I got more angry thinking that this was an attempt to derail our family, which includes our children. I tried not to think about it that way but it's true and that fueled me. So, after handling it well and strong, it got the best of both of us and we argued instead of standing strong. I'm chalking this up to experience so I know how to better deal should this happen again. I know it's hard for him too. Part of me wishes I never said anything. I'm not sure I will should it happen again.
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## lifeistooshort

I have a little experience dealing with crazy and I'm telling you that sometimes the only way to deal with it is to be crazier. If she has a guy go ballistic and send him everything. Start sending things to her address.....nothing threatening that could be used against you of course but enough to make her think you're crazy. I had a family member harass me for a long time before I started blasting them with texts that were funny and made no sense. One of them was "Confucius say he who pucker up to donkey kiss a$$".....I made that one up myself 

It had nothing to do with anything but she stopped bothering me because she only knew how to deal with anger, not crazy and humor.


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Husband I talked this morning. We will ignore it and hopefully it stays at that level or no more. The reality is she lives for drama and misery so anything that adds to it would just make her feel like she is winning something. 4 years later...it's crazy. Something tells me we are probably not the only ones she did this too. Most likely any relationship she has ever had in between to see if she still has "it". Biggest narcissist I have ever encountered.
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## NextTimeAround

I would have kept that message from her tucked away somewhere just in case it's first of more to come.

I agree with Lifeistooshort, some people only back down when you start acting crazier than they do.


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

I have a picture of the note and envelope it came in tucked away in her handwriting.
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## TAMAT

TIRTV,

I would not only have copied the letter and sent it her SO, but have sent it to everyone of any consequence in her life, her grandmother, parents, church family, work etc etc. 

Affairs are like addictions and as much as any addict likes to believe they are clean they never really are. Those feelings of unconditional love which affairs create are so powerful that no contact has to be for life.

BTW have you ever gotten the full truth about your Hs affair, because one of the things OW has over your H is the power to blackmail him.

Tamat


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Yes. I know the whole deal and all the dirt. As far as sending it to anyone, she has no one. She is pretty much estranged from her family, church - that's actually funny, and fiance - I'm guessing they are on the outs or done if she is doing this. I want her to get married and go away. Right now she has nothing and nothing to lose. I would like to send the message of silence - we don't care and you don't matter. Hopefully once will be enough.
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## parati

What was in the past, can be left in the past even if there are communications. My OW contacts me occasionally, after 3 years of not seeing her, even to tell me that's she's had her heart broken by another man, as if I care about her and another man. Im divorced now and still love her a bit, but now realizing she's not emotionally stable for LTR or marriage, I'm not going back down that path with her. So we talk and I'm free to be with her and she says would still want to be with me, but it's no longer something I believe in. Guys don't necessarily follow an OW just because she's asking for them. I wouldn't worry about it if I was you.


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## ThisIsntRealityTV?

Parati - thanks! Nope - not worried one bit of any positive feelings or communication between husband and "her". Its pretty clear how he feels and its more of an annoyance than an issue. If I did not know who she was I might almost feel sorry for her. Clearly this is an unstable person with a life in turmoil. Because I do know who she is, I know that she brings it all upon herself and she will never change...sigh. Its no surprise she has never been married...if only a sucker would hurry up and do it! Odd thing is, after walking through it, I'm at peace with it. Stupid is as stupid does.


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