# Womanizer toy



## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Hi-wanted to get an opinion on something from the ladies-I’ve been married 17 years with children and I love my wife very much. She had no/very little sexual experience before marrying me. I’ve been trying different sex toys with my wife So she could experience different sensations. I’m way more into it than her but there are a couple of toys she will let me use on her A bit more consistently. I bought a womanizer for her, a toy for her clitoris. I was hoping this toy would spark her interest in masturbation. My wife never masturbates. I thought it would increase her libido and make sex more frequent. She tried it and it makes her orgasm in a couple minutes. My wife has told me that she orgasms both clitorally and vaginally which I guess upon futther reading about the subject is rare. She has told me she orgasms sometimes when I give her oral or have intercourse together. I was intrigued that the womanizer makes her cum so quickly and easily. I asked her to participate in a session with her. She was reluctant but eventually agreed for me to use the womanizer on her. Wow! I never saw my wife’s vagina contract like it did with the womanizer. I told her how excited I was about it. She seemed upset by my comment. She has never let me use it again with her and I don’t think she uses it on herself Although given the opportunity I think she would. Kids are schooling at home so she is very busy. This is a big deal to me. She has told me she only wants to use it alone. Why am I being shut out of this? I have one theory. One is that she’s been faking orgasm and she did not want me to see her Body spasm like it did. I love giving her oral a lot and that should work Based on my past experience But maybe not. I’ve asked her if she has been faking and I told her if she was it was ok that I then wanted her to truly and honestly guide me to giving her an orgasm. I’ve asked her in the past to always be honest with me in the bedroom. It’s very important or people become bored because it’s not good for them. She accused me of not believing her all these years and was upset about it. She told me she could not explain why she didn’t spasm with me but assured me she did cum when she told me she did. My wife has never lied to me before in the bedroom and has told me when sex wasn’t good or didn’t finish for her. Can a woman have orgasms without vaginal spasms? Why is she holding me at arms length with this one toy? I just want to have fun with her and spice up our sex life. Thought the womanizer would be good for foreplay before sex But she still says no. Help.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I bought my wife a toy and she uses it and likes it and it makes her cum. But she only uses it every so often and doesn't want to use it alone. Says cumming isn't all that important to her. Its married sex so I don't expect too much excitement. Very few married couples have an earth-shaking sex life. I am sure a few will come and rebut my claim and good for them but the fact is most do not. I say this so you don't expect too much from your wife.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Ants said:


> I have one theory. One is that she’s been faking orgasm and she did not want me to see her Body spasm like it did.


I think your theory is correct, and you have created a quandary for her. She only wants to use it alone because she doesn't want to make you feel inferior.



Ants said:


> She told me she could not explain why she didn’t spasm with me


Her inexperience may mean that she's telling the truth in this statement. 

We cannot compete with the amount of stimulation delivered by a mechanical device...... just physics....



FloridaGuy1 said:


> Very few married couples have an earth-shaking sex life.



I won't be one of those who refute your statement, which is quite correct in my experience, too.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

The first few times my wife used that toy her orgasms were WAY stronger and longer, and it only took seconds to achieve. So has your wife been faking orgasms with you this whole time? It's possible, or it's also possible that her orgasms are just stronger with that particular toy. 

As for why she doesn't want to use it with you, maybe she's embarrassed that she has such a strong reaction. Maybe she finds it awkward. Maybe it's harder for her to concentrate when you're there. Maybe she doesn't enjoy it enough because you're putting too much pressure on her. You may think you're not putting pressure on her, but that's irrelevant if she thinks otherwise.


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## Donny69 (Sep 12, 2020)

Sounds like you’ve opened Pandoras Box here, literally. I’ll refute that about married sex. 27 years and still good honestly but I also ain’t competing with any mechanical devices. Definitely peaks and valleys in marriage but usually the valleys are during sickness and other troubles. I think you better hide that thing for the next 30 years until your equipment quits working- then pull that baby out


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Thanks for the replies. I didn’t think about the fact that she could have lesser orgasms with me vs womanizer. Can any women comment on my post please?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

I thought it was all or nothing with the female orgasm. Thoughts Ladies?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Or if anyone has used the clit sucking toys that would be a great perspective for me!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

best thing in her case, tie her to the bed, legs spread, and see how many forced orgasm you can get her to have in an hour. After a while, she will not be able to fake anything, as the slightest touch will make her cum


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I think what you are doing is quite upsetting to her and unnerving during such a personal moment.

Give it a rest. She is not your plaything to "dance" upon demand by you.

You seem to have given her this toy for your satisfaction, not hers.

Stop pressuring the poor woman


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Michzz you don’t know me-back off.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ants said:


> I thought it was all or nothing with the female orgasm. Thoughts Ladies?


Not a lady obviously, buy I have a lot of experience with many women and even more experience with my wife .

There are a lot of differences in intensity and length of female orgasms.

There is also no replacement for the real thing.

I don't like toys for myself because I love organic, real women.

Mrs. C doesn't want toys at all though I've asked a few times.

Regardless, I've given thousands of real orgasms to Mrs. C and to other women before meeting my wife. They can vary in intensity based on current mood, health, level of arousal, skill of lover, etc.

Mrs. C has had many strong orgasms, many earth shattering ones, a few little ones and occasionally can't get there.

I think you should be able to communicate with your wife about this and also about what makes her feel the best in bed with you.

There is a lot of room for improvement with sexual technique in all forms of sex and you can most certainly improve to increase the intensity and length of her orgasms.

I personally wouldn't let go of this but would be very assuring and loving towards her. She needs to feel safe with you.

The more secure a woman feels with her partner and the more loved, the more her confidence in the bedroom shows usually.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Thanks for your ideas...


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

For some of us, we feel like anything that would increase our wife's libido (or perhaps more correctly desire for orgasm) would be a positive thing, whether mechanical or otherwise. What we hope for, and perhaps that demonstrates the depths of our lack of understanding, is that once "free" to experience orgasms at will, that she will desire them from us (our male partner) as well.

Failing in this connection can lead to rather devastating consequences to the male ego though, as might be happening in this thread. You go from wishing she could have orgasms and enjoy sex to thinking that it's not sex she doesn't enjoy; it's you.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Deleted on account of feeling skeezy for saying it. 🥴


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

C.C. says ... said:


> Deleted on account of feeling skeezy for saying it. 🥴


Hahahaha!😆


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Ants said:


> Thanks for the replies. I didn’t think about the fact that she could have lesser orgasms with me vs womanizer. Can any women comment on my post please?


Well I'm female and I love, love , love sex so here's my take. Orgasms differ a LOT. Sometimes they're barely noticeable, you'd have to get your fingers in there to feel it. Sometimes they're very intense and I squirt and can't pretend it doesn't happen lol. Usually it's somewhere in between.



Ants said:


> Or if anyone has used the clit sucking toys that would be a great perspective for me!


I have never used one but now I really want to. If you send me one I promise to give you an honest opinion


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

I’m sure u would...thanks for offering


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Ants said:


> Michzz you don’t know me-back off.


Hey, I call it as i see it. Sorry that it doesn't fit your narrative. Maybe you ask her?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What if an orgasm isn't the holy grail for your wife? What if she actually enjoys taking more time with you making love?

Forget about tying her to the bed and forcing orgasms. That's abusive. She isn't a lab rat subject to experimentation. 

Maybe you should make her orgasms less of a 'big deal' to you. You don't want to make sex become a chore for her.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Blondi locks thanks for your input


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Michzz-i was asking for help Or constructive Positive criticism. Your response was just nasty. I responded in kind.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Because you're making her feel extremely self-conscious and it's clearly more about your pleasure than hers at this point. She doesn't even masturbate, so she's unlikely to want an audience doing it. Just sayin. You're making her feel like a lab specimen.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ants said:


> Michzz-i was asking for help Or constructive Positive criticism. Your response was just nasty. I responded in kind.


ACtually Michzz was one of the only women to respond to your thread. Many women feel pressured or like a mans play toy if sex isn't approached in the right way.

I know that I can have an orgasm without the spasms. I know I don't masterbate. I would find it weird that my husband wanted me to masterbate. I love orgasms as much as the next girl but I don't find masterbating all that enjoyable. I want sex to be with my husband and physically find orgasm without penis kind of hollow. And I mean that in a physical way not spiritual. While a vibrator can jack me off pretty fast if it is applied hard and fast it isn't satisfying. Females have levels of orgasms from say 1 to 10. Many times a vibrator or oral done in a certain way just overstimulates my clit which is a form of orgasm but its a 3 at best. But with internal and external stimulation or certain areas stimulated then I can get an 8 to a 10.

I have nothing against toys and we use them regular together. I love that my husband is interested in my orgasming. But its for me not for him. Maybe if you are lucky @StarFires will stop by your thread.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

I’m not saying she can’t use this toy by herself. That was always implied. I wanted to use it with her as well similar to a vibrator or dildo. Thanks for your input it was helpful.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Okay, first I think you over reacted to Miczz. Because based on what you initially wrote, I would have felt extremely uncomfortable on having such a big deal made about my orgasms. There may be more to the story, but it looks likes your shooting yourself in the foot, by turning this into a big deal with someone who is already reserved about it. As for types of orgasms...it’s definitely not an all or nothing. Sometimes, they are intense and sometimes they are mild. And there is even a kind of peak where it‘s not a full orgasm but you definitely are satisfied. I also caution men against obsessing about orgasms if it’s not a priority for the woman. I enjoy PIV sex a great deal. But I rarely orgasm from it and I don’t always have the desire to orgasm. Sometimes it just feels good to be that close to my man and have him in me. That feeling of contentment can be ruined if he gets obsessed about me orgasming. Other times, bring out the toys because I want to cum and cum hard. But I have definitely been made to feel uncomfortable by being with someone who is basing his rating on our experience by how hard I orgasm.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Thanks for your reply and info. You told me your thoughts in a respectful manner and I appreciate it. however, even if u disagree with something I did or said insulting me when I’m trying to learn and be a better husband is not productive ala miczz...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Ants said:


> Thought the womanizer would be good for foreplay before sex But she still says no. Help.


I haven't read this thread except the OP. My advise is that you first have to imagine a role reversal in order to better understand the problem. Imagine that it is you that does not masturbate and your wife gets all up in your business and orders you a Fleshlight Ultra Stroker. She arbitrarily uses it on you and you orgasm very intensely in from of her. 

Did you know that in the BDSM community that there is such a thing as forced orgasms? It is something done to a sub so that they can not enjoy being aroused and it destroys all their desire. You might want to read up on this. You probably just did this to your wife without realizing it. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Thank u


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Ants said:


> Hi-wanted to get an opinion on something from the ladies-I’ve been married 17 years with children and I love my wife very much. She had no/very little sexual experience before marrying me. I’ve been trying different sex toys with my wife So she could experience different sensations. I’m way more into it than her but there are a couple of toys she will let me use on her A bit more consistently. I bought a womanizer for her, a toy for her clitoris. I was hoping this toy would spark her interest in masturbation. My wife never masturbates. I thought it would increase her libido and make sex more frequent. She tried it and it makes her orgasm in a couple minutes. My wife has told me that she orgasms both clitorally and vaginally which I guess upon futther reading about the subject is rare. She has told me she orgasms sometimes when I give her oral or have intercourse together. I was intrigued that the womanizer makes her cum so quickly and easily. I asked her to participate in a session with her. She was reluctant but eventually agreed for me to use the womanizer on her. Wow! I never saw my wife’s vagina contract like it did with the womanizer. I told her how excited I was about it. She seemed upset by my comment. She has never let me use it again with her and I don’t think she uses it on herself Although given the opportunity I think she would. Kids are schooling at home so she is very busy. This is a big deal to me. She has told me she only wants to use it alone. Why am I being shut out of this? I have one theory. One is that she’s been faking orgasm and she did not want me to see her Body spasm like it did. I love giving her oral a lot and that should work Based on my past experience But maybe not. I’ve asked her if she has been faking and I told her if she was it was ok that I then wanted her to truly and honestly guide me to giving her an orgasm. I’ve asked her in the past to always be honest with me in the bedroom. It’s very important or people become bored because it’s not good for them. She accused me of not believing her all these years and was upset about it. She told me she could not explain why she didn’t spasm with me but assured me she did cum when she told me she did. My wife has never lied to me before in the bedroom and has told me when sex wasn’t good or didn’t finish for her. Can a woman have orgasms without vaginal spasms? Why is she holding me at arms length with this one toy? I just want to have fun with her and spice up our sex life. Thought the womanizer would be good for foreplay before sex But she still says no. Help.


If she truly does not want this, Respect her wishes. Simple. Don’t force her to do what she does not want to do. Otherwise you will likely see your sex life decline. It is not about you, it is about her.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Ants said:


> I’m not saying she can’t use this toy by herself. That was always implied. I wanted to use it with her as well similar to a vibrator or dildo. Thanks for your input it was helpful.


It can be done, but it’s super tricky, and potentially super frustrating, to use that toy coupled with the guy holding it. YMMV.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Thanks Charlie-what’s YMMV?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ants said:


> Thanks Charlie-what’s YMMV?


Your mileage may vary.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

my wife has a Womanizer and it for sure gives her very good orgasms, but she does not use it much because it does not work well with partner sex. She also feels it only works if she holds it in a few specific way. I have used it on her (while I am holding it), but not as effective. The amount of pressure seems very specific. My wife also find that if i touch her while she uses it, it must be slow and not cause the toy to loose suction. It is more of a "use it by yourself" toy


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

That is very good info thanks!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Who's experimented with different vegetables, anyone else had success too?

I have periods where I buy specific cucumbers or squashes, and play with DW, and they work great as a variation of play times.

Sometimes in the store I'm checking out the cukes and DW whispers or giggles in my ear.

Sometimes she makes a lewd comment semi out loud, just because.

Others?


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Who's experimented with different vegetables, anyone else had success too?
> 
> I have periods where I buy specific cucumbers or squashes, and play with DW, and they work great as a variation of play times.
> 
> ...


I have tried, but never any luck convincing the wife to try it. It something to do with hygiene. We go both makes some jokes about it at the grocery store, but have yet to try it in the bedroom. I offered to provide the veggies a thorough wash first, but so far a no go. To be honest, I was a bit surprised that she was not interested. She has been open and suggestive of many other phallic things, but for some reason produce is off limits.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Keep trying!

I always make a showing of washing, and microwave for warmness, each veggie play time.

When using, at least half the time I just take one out of where I pre-stashed it, and surprise use it, when she's not watching sometimes, if I'm eating at the Y.

Other times I set it out earlier by the bed, so she can think about why it's there, for a while. Sometimes half the day.

🙂 but one has to be knowledgeable of the days schedule, unless any family or friends coming over.

All good!!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

@Ants if you want some advice on something that will help...

How about buying your wife a toy/novelty to use on you? Perhaps something simple like a blindfold and handcuffs. Many women complain that men use their hands too soon and too much in places that are sensitive. She may enjoy restraining your hands and preventing this and enjoy allowing her own desire to build. Then the blindfold could help relieve some of her inhibitions because she knows that you can not observe her and see what she is doing. This will allow her to focus on herself more while she plays with you. 

Essentially you become her toy. 

Badsanta


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

@Ants Yes, the toys can bring more intense and faster orgasm, especially when it's a new toy. Doesn't mean she was faking it before.

But you have sexually reserved wife, while you yourself are more adventerous. You have to thread carefully not to shut her off completely. This is what I recommend :

keep the toy handy by the bed. Next time you are having sex, and the focus is on her and she is getting close to climaxing, discreetly pull the toy and start using it on her. Most likely after few seconds of surprise, she will relax and just giving to it. And when she is done, put it away, do not mention it, just grin mysteriously.  if she has trouble talking about it and doing it openly, but deep down enjoys it, this might be the way to do it. Sometimes don't ask, just do it works best. Of course, there is always a chance of getting you kicked out of bed, if I am wrong, lol.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Keep trying!
> 
> I always make a showing of washing, and microwave for warmness, each veggie play time.
> 
> ...


worth a try!


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

I like your idea Wanda it’s bold...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Ants said:


> I like your idea Wanda it’s bold...


You just have to execute it skillfully...


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## Donny69 (Sep 12, 2020)

Sneaking up from behind with music to cover the electromechanical noise might help too. Lol


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

The more I think about it, the less I want to pull it out without warning...too risky. Where did the vegetable talk come from? I’ve never experienced that other than in animal house...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Ants said:


> The more I think about it, the less I want to pull it out without warning...too risky. Where did the vegetable talk come from? I’ve never experienced that other than in animal house...


there is a risk that you'd end up in the dog house....


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Ants said:


> Michzz-i was asking for help Or constructive Positive criticism. Your response was just nasty. I responded in kind.


I think I was spot on and it touched a raw nerve with you.

Be kind to your wife.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Michzz- I took offense when u accused me of using her as my, “plaything.” everyone else that responded did so in a respectful manner and seemed to want to help even if they did not agree with me. you went on the offensive and attacked when u have a very limited view.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ants said:


> Thanks for the replies. I didn’t think about the fact that she could have lesser orgasms with me vs womanizer. Can any women comment on my post please?


I’ve had good orgasms and so so orgasm and super weak orgasms.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> there is a risk that you'd end up in the dog house....


He can test this out to see what happens without ending up in the dog house. I was once being playful with my wife and I had a HUGE toy hidden within reach. Before yanking it out, I warned her that I had been shopping for her a toy and that it was going to be a good one. In my case, she got furious and refused to look at the toy. Since I knew she would be upset I had purchased something nonsexual that I knew she wanted which was a very nice bluetooth speaker for the kitchen. I then turned the tables on her and asked why would she get so upset over a gift that I only intended for her to enjoy. It took her forever to calm down and enjoy the new speakers. I did not end up in the dog house, but I definitely did not go back to the toy store. 

Badsanta


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Ants said:


> Michzz- I took offense when u accused me of using her as my, “plaything.” everyone else that responded did so in a respectful manner and seemed to want to help even if they did not agree with me. you went on the offensive and attacked when u have a very limited view.


You took offense because from my perspective that was clearly your behavior.

I meant no disrespect. However, again, ask your wife if she feels pressured to perform for you.

You've framed all this as for her. It does not feel that way to me.

Be offended or be informed. You pick.


michzz said:


> I think I was spot on and it touched a raw nerve with you.
> 
> Be kind to your wife.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

badsanta said:


> He can test this out to see what happens without ending up in the dog house. I was once being playful with my wife and I had a HUGE toy hidden within reach. Before yanking it out, I warned her that I had been shopping for her a toy and that it was going to be a good one. In my case, she got furious and refused to look at the toy. Since I knew she would be upset I had purchased something nonsexual that I knew she wanted which was a very nice bluetooth speaker for the kitchen. I then turned the tables on her and asked why would she get so upset over a gift that I only intended for her to enjoy. It took her forever to calm down and enjoy the new speakers. I did not end up in the dog house, but I definitely did not go back to the toy store.
> 
> Badsanta


Man, really?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Man, really?


I will admit that my wife and I share banter that comes across as freakishly harsh to others. For us it is part of our everyday play to keep each other on our toes. 

She recently put a spoonful of gravy into my coffee and I drank it without looking. Once I realized something was off, she pretended I that I had accidentally grabbed the wrong cup, and it was one that had been sitting behind the microwave for probably a few years that she had just found. We had a good laugh at that one!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I will admit that my wife and I share banter that comes across as freakishly harsh to others. For us it is part of our everyday play to keep each other on our toes.


One of the things we do to each other that get both of us each time.... one of us walks through the bathroom and happens to see the other washing their hair with soap all in our face and eyes closed. We get each with the "too much shampoo" prank or smash our faces into the door to scare the other person once they rinse open their eyes. She is usually better at getting me that I am able to get her. She is the champion of pranks in our house.


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## martygraham (Sep 26, 2020)

Since she's adamant about using the Womanizer alone, maybe you can ease your way into it by focusing on a toy for you? Thinking you can use it with her - things like a prostate massager where it can be used with her assistance that way you both are involved. Then over time maybe she'd loosen up on her end and let you join in on the Womanizer fun. Hope that helps and best of luck!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The Womanizer used to be my middle name when single and living with roommates.

You're her Womanizer. Buy her more toys and give them to her, nekkid.

I'm being a little facetious but the responses and points being made to you is that you would benefit by standing firm and getting with her.

What do you have to lose? At worst you'll make her start thinking a bit differently.

Something has to get off dead center here or this is perpetually your life.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

Just to add to the OP first comments, my wife pulled out her Womanizer yesterday and had a very intense orgasm while we were in bed together. As I stated before, I am "allowed" to be with her and part of the experience, but she only wants to be the one to hold and control it. It is SO intense on her, it can be painful if used incorrectly. She also happened to tell me afterwards (which made me think of this original post), that it gives her the most intense pre-orgasm build up and intense orgasms of any kind of sexual act. She does not use it unless she is really horny (which is not often), but when she does it is like 10x more intense than other sex, even other sex she would call very good. I think for the first few months she had it, she intentionally did not want to tell me that, fearing it would cause me to feel inadequate. She kind of downplayed it. That may be part of the case with your wife OP


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> I have nothing against toys and we use them regular together. I love that my husband is interested in my orgasming. But its for me not for him. Maybe if you are lucky @StarFires will stop by your thread.


I was drawn here by Anastasia6's mention, so thanks, girl. It means a lot to me. Ant, I was banned the past 2 months so didn't see this thread and hoping you might still be peeking in. What you didn't like about Michzz's response was exactly what I was thinking when I read your post. Your wife's pleasure, as Anatasia stated, should be for her not you. You indicate your intentions are for your wife's pleasure, but your post came off as more voyeuristic than concerned. That's what turned your wife off. You made her experience all about your own excitement. And you blew her comfort level to smithereens by making the regrettable and unwelcomed mistake of mentioning her body's physical reaction to her. To boot, you accused her of faking and lying. Ant, please stop making these types of mistakes before you ruin your sex life forever. She didn't shut you out. You shut yourself out. Learn to read your wife, and learn what to say and when not to say it. She's honestly not as complicated as you think. Try to understand that pressure is not fun at all and is in no way conducive to pleasure. And generally, women don't want to hear the details. Expressing that you enjoy pleasing her is quite enough to be said.

Toys can be useful for some couples who enjoy using them, but my husband and I don't use any. I only had one boyfriend in the past who wanted to use a dildo but since I liked him much more than the toy, it served no purpose for us, so we only used it a couple times - just enough times for me to say no more. That my husband and I don't use any toys doesn't mean he has less concern for my pleasure and satisfaction than you have for your wife's. It actually means the opposite, which is that he knows how to take care of my pleasure and satisfaction without the use of a mechanical device.

A woman's orgasm shouldn't occur by happenstance and shouldn't be left up to chance that maybe it will happen and maybe not, or sometimes it happens and sometimes not. Your wife's orgasms should be by your deliberate effort and based entirely on your skills and techniques. I know there are guys such as yourself who perform oral sex and enjoy doing it, but some don't know how to do it properly to achieve the desired result by guarantee. And some don't know there are sure-fire methods for bringing her to orgasm. It can't be fun knowing your hard work doesn't always achieve the goal, so it may be in your best interest to learn those techniques. I've obviously never used a Womanizer, but my orgasms can be very intense and mind-blowing with my husband, so I don't have any reason or desire to replace him. He doesn't rely on a device to do for me what he does quite masterfully. I give some pointers on oral sex in *my response here* (8th paragraph), and there are lots of web articles on the subject for more information to help you tweak based on your wife's preferences. There really is a technique, and it works. It will work for your wife since she hasn't voiced any particular difficulty or physical/anatomical irregularity.

As you say, it is rare that women orgasm vaginally, but that's not because most women can't orgasm vaginally. It's mainly because most don't know that they can and because they've never been with a guy who knows it can be achieved or how to do it. It happens for some couples but other couples have to learn how to make it happen. Some have to work at it.....*like this couple did*. The lady who wrote that article admitted that, with previous boyfriends, she was ordinarily bored during intercourse until she met a guy whose stated goal was to make her cum during intercourse. So they began working on it and were successful. Your wife knows that she can have vaginal orgasms, so your priority should be to learn how to do it intentionally. In addition to that article, I give a few pointers on it in my response that I linked in the previous paragraph, and there are numerous others on the internet for more pointers.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Thanks for the input. It was worth the wait. I like how you made your point but in a nice way and with the intent to teach something. i Will try what you brought up and let u know how it goes...thanks!,


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

After reading this thread, my curiosity was piqued, read up on the device, bought one for Mrs NLLH. Tried it out on her. Rolled her eyes back in her head. Wow! she loved it. Thanks for brining this up Ants.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Glad you both got some enjoyment out of it!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

StarFires said:


> A woman's orgasm shouldn't occur by happenstance and shouldn't be left up to chance that maybe it will happen and maybe not, or sometimes it happens and sometimes not. Your wife's orgasms should be by your deliberate effort and based entirely on your skills and techniques. I know there are guys such as yourself who perform oral sex and enjoy doing it, but some don't know how to do it properly to achieve the desired result by guarantee. And some don't know there are sure-fire methods for bringing her to orgasm.


Let me preface by saying that I don't disagree with anything you have said, but I want to add to it.

I am married to a woman who does not allow oral sex, who doesn't use toys, and who will not let me touch her genitalia. She orgasms nearly 100% of the time through PIV.

But this has a cost. It means that not only am I responsible for getting her off, but if I am not to be a selfish lover, I ALWAYS have to perform to her desires and manage my own arousal in the moment to be sure that I'm there for her finish. Over decades, this too colors your experience of sex - for me, it means never getting to really get lost in the experience until her orgasm. Don't get too excited. Make sure that the intensity, positioning, and tempo are all to her liking, not my own (and we differ a bit on what we like). The act that is supposed to be the most intimate the two of you can have together becomes all about one partner because there is no alternative. 

Having only one tool in the toolkit has a downside too. Ladies (and gents) - remember to be flexible.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

But Cletus, lets talk about what flexible means because I think you're way off on several points you made. Flexibility is for the other person, not oneself. A person has their needs and has their way(s) they need those needs to be met. It's for their partner to be flexible in meeting those needs. You are being flexible for your wife's sake - adjusting, adapting, performing in the way she needs you to provide pleasure and orgasm for her. The opposite of that, as you indicated, is a selfish lover. What you complain about having to do is what every considerate lover does, both men and women. Every man has to (or should) manage his own arousal in the moment to be sure that he's there for her finish. That's what "she cums first" means since his finish is ordinarily the end of the session. So if he doesn't manage himself, he leaves her hanging, and that's the epitome of a selfish lover. Your experience is not exclusive to you. I can only hope that your resentment regarding it is exclusive to you.

She cannot be expected to be flexible, in that she shouldn't be expected to orgasm differently than the way she needs to orgasm or in accordance with your preferences. By the same token, flexibility on her part would mean she has to adjust, adapt, and perform for you in the way(s) you need her to provide pleasure and orgasm for you. 

It sounds like you're saying it would be nice if her needs were different, more convenient, less taxing on you, and in accordance with your preferences. And it really sounds like you resent having to perform for her, but that isn't her fault and not up to her to change her needs. If anything, the two of you are not compatible since you resent her needs the way they are and don't want to have to perform and last for her. That you've spent these years enduring it all was up to you and not up to her to change her needs. You want to be able to get lost in the experience without regard for her orgasm, so you needed to be with someone flexible to provide that for you. There are lots of selfish lovers out there who have wives for decades. I think you could have gotten what you wanted.

It's too bad you resent it so much. It's possible your wife just might consider you a good lover. If only she knew.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

StarFires said:


> It's too bad you resent it so much. It's possible your wife just might consider you a good lover. If only she knew.


I'll have to respond to this later instead of spur-of-the-moment. Let's just say that I'm not going to just lightly accept the label of Bad Man after 3 1/2 decades of trying to give my sexually constipated wife exactly the sex life she is comfortable with at the expense of my own.

"If only she new". Pfff.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Cletus said:


> I'll have to respond to this later instead of spur-of-the-moment. Let's just say that I'm not going to just lightly accept the label of Bad Man after 3 1/2 decades of trying to give my sexually constipated wife exactly the sex life she is comfortable with at the expense of my own.
> 
> "If only she new". Pfff.


You needn't respond because I wasn't trying to give you a Bad Man label by saying that what you do is what every man (considerate lover, that is) does or should do. What you don't like and what you resent are her idiosyncracies that you call sexually constipated, but it's what you chose initially and chose every day for 3 1/2 decades. She isn't to blame for that.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Cletus said:


> I'll have to respond to this later instead of spur-of-the-moment. Let's just say that I'm not going to just lightly accept the label of Bad Man after 3 1/2 decades of trying to give my sexually constipated wife exactly the sex life she is comfortable with at the expense of my own.
> 
> "If only she new". Pfff.


Face it you're a baaad man!
😉😉😉


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Who's experimented with different vegetables, anyone else had success too?
> 
> I have periods where I buy specific cucumbers or squashes, and play with DW, and they work great as a variation of play times.
> 
> ...


I suddenly understand why my wife spends so much time at the zucchini display.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Ants said:


> Glad you both got some enjoyment out of it!


I was a hero!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

StarFires said:


> But Cletus, lets talk about what flexible means because I think you're way off on several points you made. Flexibility is for the other person, not oneself. A person has their needs and has their way(s) they need those needs to be met. It's for their partner to be flexible in meeting those needs. You are being flexible for your wife's sake - adjusting, adapting, performing in the way she needs you to provide pleasure and orgasm for her. The opposite of that, as you indicated, is a selfish lover. What you complain about having to do is what every considerate lover does, both men and women. Every man has to (or should) manage his own arousal in the moment to be sure that he's there for her finish. That's what "she cums first" means since his finish is ordinarily the end of the session. So if he doesn't manage himself, he leaves her hanging, and that's the epitome of a selfish lover. Your experience is not exclusive to you. I can only hope that your resentment regarding it is exclusive to you.
> 
> She cannot be expected to be flexible, in that she shouldn't be expected to orgasm differently than the way she needs to orgasm or in accordance with your preferences. By the same token, flexibility on her part would mean she has to adjust, adapt, and perform for you in the way(s) you need her to provide pleasure and orgasm for you.
> 
> ...


I don't get that he resents it; I hear him saying it would be nice if she could take just a little bit of responsibility herself for her own orgasm. That it's not his sole job, during sex, to get her off 100% of the time, that in a way, her amazing ability to orgasm from PIV and only PIV has made a slave of him. Sex has, for him, become rather two dimensional.

He's not at all selfish in thinking she could be a more-active participant and share the wealth by helping him relax and enjoy something more than purely mechanical sex. To his way of thinking, he's become a dildo, not a lover. It's reducing the guy to sex being something that involves only his penis and he can't let go of his control. His mind has to be focused entirely on her. She, on the other hand, has no pressure.

This is not the norm and it's something some of us (men) would dream of. But every.single.time?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

I agree with cletus. A marriage is suppose to be about both peoples wants and desires. She should be open to do what he wants sometimes as well. One sided either way is no good...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> I don't get that he resents it; I hear him saying it would be nice if she could take just a little bit of responsibility herself for her own orgasm. That it's not his sole job, during sex, to get her off 100% of the time, that in a way, her amazing ability to orgasm from PIV and only PIV has made a slave of him. Sex has, for him, become rather two dimensional.
> 
> He's not at all selfish in thinking she could be a more-active participant and share the wealth by helping him relax and enjoy something more than purely mechanical sex. To his way of thinking, he's become a dildo, not a lover. It's reducing the guy to sex being something that involves only his penis and he can't let go of his control. His mind has to be focused entirely on her. She, on the other hand, has no pressure.
> 
> This is not the norm and it's something some of us (men) would dream of. But every.single.time?





Ants said:


> I agree with cletus. A marriage is suppose to be about both peoples wants and desires. She should be open to do what he wants sometimes as well. One sided either way is no good...


You both make valid points. And CO, you're probably more familiar with his history than I am. I wasn't painting him as a bad guy but didn't understand his resentment. Other male perspectives are helpful. Explanations for my pea brain to understand.

So what's the deal with that? I'm a very black and white person and usually very intolerant. So I speak up for myself, such as mentioning I told the boyfriend years ago that we weren't using the toy anymore. At some point, a person has to speak up for themselves or take some of the responsibility for the situation and their unhappiness if they don't. That's why choosing her is on him.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Ants said:


> Thanks for the replies. I didn’t think about the fact that she could have lesser orgasms with me vs womanizer. Can any women comment on my post please?


This is exactly right. Toys tend to bring on much stronger orgasms than intercourse or oral/hand jobs. Toys have different speeds, hardness, and are able to get to the right spot practically immediately. She is not faking, toys are more intense, pretty much across the board for nearly every woman. She probably doesn't want to do it with you there because she is shy or embarrassed. Don't take it personally and don't pressure her. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. Respect that. This is about her, not your ego. 

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> @Ants Yes, the toys can bring more intense and faster orgasm, especially when it's a new toy. Doesn't mean she was faking it before.
> 
> But you have sexually reserved wife, while you yourself are more adventerous. You have to thread carefully not to shut her off completely. This is what I recommend :
> 
> keep the toy handy by the bed. Next time you are having sex, and the focus is on her and she is getting close to climaxing, discreetly pull the toy and start using it on her. Most likely after few seconds of surprise, she will relax and just giving to it. And when she is done, put it away, do not mention it, just grin mysteriously.  if she has trouble talking about it and doing it openly, but deep down enjoys it, this might be the way to do it. Sometimes don't ask, just do it works best. Of course, there is always a chance of getting you kicked out of bed, if I am wrong, lol.


I do not suggest this at all. Consent is everything. She has expressed that she doesn't want to use that with you. To use it on her knowing how she feels without her consent is violating both her body and her trust. Do this only if you want to damage your relationship. 

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

AndStilliRise said:


> I do not suggest this at all. Consent is everything. She has expressed that she doesn't want to use that with you. To use it on her knowing how she feels without her consent is violating both her body and her trust. Do this only if you want to damage your relationship.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk


You might be right. I guess my mindset is completely different


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

WandaJ said:


> You might be right. I guess my mindset is completely different


Although I agree with you.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> You might be right. I guess my mindset is completely different


I'm sure many women would enjoy what you describe. But given what the OP has stated about his wife's feelings, it doesn't seem like that would be case for her. 

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sex toys have to be one of the most personal things a person can buy. If you buy one for your wife, and she does not like it....there is no way to "talk her into using it". she might not like the size, the feel, the shape, or just the idea of putting something foreign into her body like that. You did your thing, and it did not work. move on.

How about different types of toys? Like a sex swing you mount over your bed, for mutual sexual use? or some bondage restraints? change the dynamic form her having an orgasms, to you BOTH having an orgasm together.


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