# So confused...



## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

So I finally moved 1700 miles away from my husband- after him telling me he wanted a divorce on July 25th, 2017, (for the 2nd time- the first time was in 2012 when I went and sought help for myself for some major depression issues that I was having, got back together 2013 after not doing the right work to get back together) and that he didn't want to waste anymore time put work into our 19 year relationship.

But here is my struggle, he has been texting me everyday and we have had phone conversations, about day to day life, since I've been back at my parents house. Which makes it very confusing for me, today he told me he was going to write me an email for me about the things he feels. He's wanted to be alone for some time (or so he has thought), and I'm sure that this is a normal reaction when your wife packs up her crap and moves cross country leaving you in a big empty house still full of her belongings and her 2 cats. But he has actually commented on how quiet the house is without me there, I'm the only person he has ever lived with besides his parents, and he was the first one to tell me he missed me. 

I really don't want to hold onto to something that is not mine anymore, and have false hope.
The plan was for me to get here and get settled and have him bring the rest of my belongings and cats to me next year, and have the divorce processed at that time, which was probably not a smart move on my part. He's talked about how he still wants to be my friend and that he doesn't hate me, etc., but I'm finding it hard to move on like I'm supposed to be doing. 
What should I make of this? Or should I wait and see if he actually emails me, to see what he has to say before I read to much into this and over analyze it like I would normally do.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you want him back, the best way to up your odds on that is to go dark. Don't answer him, don't contact him, don't have long, loving conversations. Let him see what life without you is really like. If you need an excuse, just say it hurts too much to stay in contact with him when he doesn't want to be married to you.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it's sound psychologically. We want what we can't have.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Or date a guy that's not a compulsive liar and cheat, see how you like having a man that treats you good and see if you still want to read that "email". Your husband is such an undisciplined, spoiled child, he is likely going to have a very hard time without you holding his hand.

DON'T WORRY. If you will just leave his crazy arse alone for a while, he'll beg you to come back. And you are so hung up on this fellow that you will likely do it. It's 1700 miles. You can make that in a few days with no problem and be back in bed with him in no time.

I recommend you take the time to establish a happy life without him and move on to greener pastures. Just be sure they're not dyed green, but really are green. Lots of dyed green pastures.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I would suggest you go dark, but for you to be able to move on, not to try and get him back. You saying that he already tried to divorce you five years ago, so it appears that this marriage is not what he really wants. Do you really want to be with someone who doesnt want you? Cut out all the phone calls, unless it is to make arrangements for your stuff or to work out splitting assets for a divorce


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Go dark...

Go dark but leave a flashlight on.
And wear his favorite perfume.

If you see him floating up and down the street, his nose out of control, out of joint, sucking in that sweet smell that is you, turn on the porch light.

Else...

Turn out the light. Turn off the love.

You have given this sap too many chances...Yourself? Too few..


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