# Seperation progress.



## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

We're now up to 3 weeks. It will be a month next thursday.

She was supposed to come by this weekend to pick up two pets that she left behind when we seperated(the ones I've been taking care of). 

Since we have seperated, I have quit drinking. Started exercising. Went on anti-depressants. I see a counselor. I weighed over 230 at the beginning of the year. I'm now 178. She's noticed the drastic physical change already.

One of the things she has told me is that it's none of my business where she is or what she does. Which is fine. Until today.

I went out for a walk to cool my head off and get her out of my head. She sent me a text saying that she got cat food(it's her week) and was going to come by soon. I didn't respond. She sent me another text saying that she didn't know where I was. No response there. She then CALLS. No response, I ignored her ringtone. Come back to the building to find her outside, and she asks me where I was, to where I replied, "You don't need to know where I am."

She then asks me the MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION.

*"What's wrong...?"*

.....is she SERIOUS?! WHAT'S WRONG?! Ugh.....

I know the 180 is difficult, but I need to do it, because this has quickly denigrated into a game. My first step today was putting my foot down and not giving her my whereabouts. This is so one-sided it actually is making me physically ill.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

I hear ya!!

About a month after she left (and told me she was done) I let her know I went to this divorce seminar thing.

Only let her know because I wanted her to check it out as well, in hopes we could do it through there.

What does she say in return??

"So I guess you want this divorce over with quick?" .... uh ... you were the one who left!!

Sometimes I think how I handled everything at the beginning just strengthened her resolve.

Simply based on the fact that she took ill will towards all my actions to removing her from my life on paper. Bank, insurance etc.

Even 2 weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to watch the kids on Canada Day.

She asked me why, I told her because I was going to a party for Canada Day. We had agreed to offering the other parent the 1st chance to take the kids (before finding a sitter).

"Oh, where are you going?"

Really? I just told her I was going out to a party.

With all the b!tching, ranting and maniac head spinning I have done here and in general (lol) .. I have not ONCE asked her where she was going, what she was doing and how she was spending her time.

2 months ago she called me up asking for something and the conversation kind of went off a bit.

Asked me what I was doing with my time (I had taken 3 months off to watch the kids). I told her I was keeping busy.

She questioned it and I kind of just laughed at her. Told her I had gone to this one event.

"Aren't those tickets pretty expensive?"

Why do you care? Yeesh.


It is a game. It's a complete big ol mindfvcking game.

"You can't ask, but I will" is the name of the game they play.



Oh, it's nice she noticed and commented on your weight loss (good for you btw). Even if you don't believe it, or try to read into it .. at least she made the comment to validate what YOU are doing.

Mine hasn't said jack shiet to me about my weight loss (not a surprise though). Actually, she hasn't said 1 real positive thing to me this entire 4 months. lol.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Up, if she hasn't said one positive thing to you in months...then why are you have such a hard time.detaching lately?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Because I'm an artard!

And we aren't able to sip Baileys together.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

You and me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

MyselfAgain said:


> You and me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Just found this out.

She not only called and texted repeatedly and didn't get a response, she then texted my friend and asked about my whereabouts.

I also find out that she stopped by my WORK to ask where I was. 

What the hell?! Rofl. She wants me out of her life so that she can live her own life, and she does THIS?! Oh man. This is just so.............:scratchhead:


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

This is good. Keep it up, do not give in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Exactly what I'm doing.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Out of curiosity...anybody have any idea what she's trying to accomplish right now?

For somebody who wants me to "move on" as she put it bluntly, she sure doesn't seem to like me doing it.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

She does want to move on, but doesn't want YOU to.

You aren't allowed to be happy.

If you are happy, she cannot play victim.

If she cannot play victim, she has no purpose.

So now she needs to regain some sort of 'insight' on you to try and regain control.

Once control is regained, she can start the cycle back up again.

Your main objective, is to not really give 2 newly minted sh!ts about why she is doing what she is doing.

Eventually she will reveal her true reasoning, be it direct or indirect.

Observe (as you are doing) and watch her pull her hair out.


Now, from my personal experiences, it's what happened with me.

I stopped responding to her texts right away .. she noticed and commented. 

I wasn't saying OH HELLO!!! and BYE BYE BYE BYE!! Every single time she came and went .. she noticed and commented.

A few times she also asked me what I had been doing, etc.

See, at first, before I really even knew anything about the 180 or this site, I was kinda already doing it and to a point, it was working on her.

But, her reactions weren't out of 'curiosity' from a standpoint that I was hoping, well, maybe at one point .. but what it eventually turned into was her entitlement wanting to know everything.

She thought she deserved to be said hello and goodbye to, for me to jump to her texts right away etc.

Thing was, from what I could tell, it was all absorbed and nothing but anger came out of it and used just as 'another reason why I'm not with him'.

Even if maybe it was working out on her, I destroyed my progress by sending her an email and texts afterwards.

They weren't 'oh please take me back' begging comments, but me expressing my feelings and thoughts on things. She didn't take to it well.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

I hear ya, man....the hardest part is that I'm seriously trying to emotionally detach for my own good. The one thing I found out about her NOW more than ever is that she just seems like a jerk that just uses people whenever she wants and wants to "be there" for people to feed her own ego. Now that I'm emotionally starving her out of a response, it seems to be seriously throwing her off.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

SkyHigh said:


> I hear ya, man....the hardest part is that I'm seriously trying to emotionally detach for my own good. The one thing I found out about her NOW more than ever is that she just seems like a jerk that just uses people whenever she wants and wants to "be there" for people to feed her own ego. Now that I'm emotionally starving her out of a response, it seems to be seriously throwing her off.


Detaching is healthy - whether you remain a couple are not.

So many miss this.

Do it.

It's not a crime.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Just found out that she's now friends again with the guy she cheated on me with before we were married.

Hardball phase....ENGAGE.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

SkyHigh said:


> Just found out that she's now friends again with the guy she cheated on me with before we were married.
> 
> Hardball phase....ENGAGE.


As Banned-It calls it, "The Hard 180"

Go for it.


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