# Sticky  Welcome to Talk About Marriage



## Chris H.

Welcome to *Talk About Marriage*.

*Talk About Marriage* is a forum to discuss marriage and relationships. Here, we interpret the word "marriage" loosely, recognizing that many different people from different cultures view marriage differently. It is important to be patient and respectful with other members, no matter how different our views are.

Please read our forum guidelines before posting on Talk About Marriage.

If you have a relationship problem that you want feedback on, the best place to start is in the General Relationship Discussion section. Click this link, and click the "New Thread" button at the top left to start a new thread about whatever it is that you want feedback on.

If you have technical difficulties with the website, please post them in the technical difficulties section.

Thanks for visiting.


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## kellyjoshawny

hello to all...im having a little trouble in my current relationship. was looking on line and found this site. im just trying to find a site that will give me answers or just a place to go if i need it! THANKS


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## Chris H.

Welcome to the site kellyjoshawny, I saw that you posted about your "troubles" on the forums here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/282-want-advice-need-imput.html

Hopefully you will get some good responses. Thanks for visiting.


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## yen

Hi Chris I found this site well looking for anwers to my on questions. It helps to be able to talk to others who have been thru the same thing. Only one question for you why don't you have live chat? Hey any I enjoy your site Thanks Yen


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## Chris H.

Thanks for the suggestion Yen. I'm pretty sure I'm going to give it a try. It has been suggested in the past too:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/suggestion-box/135-new-title-topic.html

My only fear is that people will stop posting if we have live chat, and the posts are important because they help people get feedback from a broader audience. The posts also help others going through similar issues. That's part of the great benefit that a public message board can provide.

A chat room is more private, which is good too. It enables more spontaneous communication between the people involved in the chat.

Moderation would be difficult in a chat room as well. If someone was causing trouble there (inciting others, or using inappropriate language); there would be little I could do to protect our site's visitors.

Those are just some of the issues I have been struggling with recently about it. I need to do some more research to see what kind of chat programs are available. I'm open to testing it out.

The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory (my site that pays the bills and affords this site to run) is undergoing a redesign right now, so that keeps me pretty busy lately. It may be a while before I can get started on the chat thing.


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## draconis

Well I guess I can introduce myself as well. I have been married for over nine years to my 2nd wife. I have been through quite a bit. My relationship in no way is in trouble but any advice on what I did right or to share stories of what I did wrong I am willing to put in my 2 cents.

I am on several forums an Admin to 3, a moderator on 2 and chat on several others as well. I stumbled on this one and it seems like a good community so I joined.

draconis


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## onlylovecanforgive

hello everyone it's my fist time on this site well i am having a lot of problems in my marriage and i just needed some kind of support.


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## Chris H.

Welcome, onlylovecanforgive! I hope you find the site useful!


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## nangie29

I just wanted to say that I think it is great you started this forum for people who need advice on their marriage. Sometimes it can be hard to open up to a counselor or even a friend about problems that can sometimes be very personal. I feel your forums can be helpful in that you can get some truthful third party advice without leaving your home. Kudos to you Chris and I am glad I found this site!


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## Chris H.

Thanks nangie29!


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## blue*eyes

Hello All,
Just came across this forum and am having some issues in my marriage figured I'd read through the forums as well as offer advice whenever I can.


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## draconis

blue*eyes said:


> Hello All,
> Just came across this forum and am having some issues in my marriage figured I'd read through the forums as well as offer advice whenever I can.


Welcome to the forums

draconis


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## Lavender

"]Hi' I just registered at this forum . Theres several interesting threads that have gotten my attention and lots of support and diffrent views circulating. I think thats Great to have a place to discuss many issues and hear multiple takes on the situation. I have always had a pretty high drama Life and tend to always journal to myself so the idea of sharing outloud seems very comforting. glad to have found this place' hope all is well with all!


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## draconis

Lavender ~ Welcome to the forums. I look forward to seeing more posts by you.

draconis


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## Andrea

Lavender said:


> "]Hi' I just registered at this forum . Theres several interesting threads that have gotten my attention and lots of support and diffrent views circulating. I think thats Great to have a place to discuss many issues and hear multiple takes on the situation. I have always had a pretty high drama Life and tend to always journal to myself so the idea of sharing outloud seems very comforting. glad to have found this place' hope all is well with all!


Welcome to TAM!


(btw, Lavender is my favorite plant/scent. I have a huge plant sitting on my front porch.)


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## Lavender

Thanks for the welcomes! and Lavender is also a fav of mine in plants scents products etc and color


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## 827Aug

Hi!

This is a nice forum. I'm going thru a really rough time in my life; I came across this site a few months back. It's great to get unbiased opinions from total strangers sometimes. Many times that's better than talking to friends and family. Also, sometimes I see a post that I can offer advice. Those are usually the post where I see "where I've been". I wish I had found this forum years ago!


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## Chris H.

827Aug said:


> Hi!
> 
> I wish I had found this forum years ago!


 Glad you're hear now! Welcome!


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## tahoehandyman

Hello everyone,
I am new today and have already been responded to in such a way that gave me hope. Not to mention reading everyone elses issues and responses, (at least the ones i have been able to read so far). Thank you Chris for starting this wonderful support tool!


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## Triton

Glad to be aboard :smthumbup:


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## loobylou22

hi,
may as well introduce myself too!
am lucy am 22 i have been married for 2 yrs now me and my hubby have been togeather for 4 yrs! we married young because i got pregnant with our son jake!
my hubby wanted to do everything by the book!
recently i have started to have doubts about how much my hubby loves me now? i love him unconditunatly (i really cant spell!) we are having a lot of problems and he is getting really agressive too i just dont want to end up like most people that marry young! i want to make my marrage work
i found this forum threw google i think its perfect for advice and to chat with others who feel the same
cheers


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## draconis

loobylou22 said:


> hi,
> may as well introduce myself too!
> am lucy am 22 i have been married for 2 yrs now me and my hubby have been togeather for 4 yrs! we married young because i got pregnant with our son jake!
> my hubby wanted to do everything by the book!
> recently i have started to have doubts about how much my hubby loves me now? i love him unconditunatly (i really cant spell!) we are having a lot of problems and he is getting really agressive too i just dont want to end up like most people that marry young! i want to make my marrage work
> i found this forum threw google i think its perfect for advice and to chat with others who feel the same
> cheers


Welcome to the forums

draconis


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## jdslot

Chris H. said:


> Thanks for the suggestion Yen. I'm pretty sure I'm going to give it a try. It has been suggested in the past too:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/suggestion-box/135-new-title-topic.html
> 
> My only fear is that people will stop posting if we have live chat, and the posts are important because they help people get feedback from a broader audience. The posts also help others going through similar issues. That's part of the great benefit that a public message board can provide.
> 
> A chat room is more private, which is good too. It enables more spontaneous communication between the people involved in the chat.
> 
> Moderation would be difficult in a chat room as well. If someone was causing trouble there (inciting others, or using inappropriate language); there would be little I could do to protect our site's visitors.
> 
> Those are just some of the issues I have been struggling with recently about it. I need to do some more research to see what kind of chat programs are available. I'm open to testing it out.
> 
> The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory (my site that pays the bills and affords this site to run) is undergoing a redesign right now, so that keeps me pretty busy lately. It may be a while before I can get started on the chat thing.


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## jdslot

marriage can be a very lonely place it would be just great to be able to talk about issues with overs.chat rooms are agreat idea


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## draconis

jdslot said:


> marriage can be a very lonely place it would be just great to be able to talk about issues with overs.chat rooms are agreat idea


The forums have grown a lot in a year. One thing to help is to be able to see what other have went through and all the helpful advise forever.

draconis


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## second time around

Hello all! I came across this site in a google search trying to find someone to help me with my Marriage. I figure A LOT of peoples help and advice is better than just one person.


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## Amplexor

Welcome Second Time Around. Hope we can help. Just open a new thread and explain your marrital issues. Good luck.


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## Honey

Hi, I'm new too, and I'm here to listen and be a good forum friend. Take care !


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## justean

i just wanted to say thanks for this forum. its been really helpful.


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## Chris H.

Glad to see the new people

Always glad to see you too Justean, I'm sure many people appreciate your participation here.


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## justean

your message is appreciated. but your matter about my participation is up for debate, LOL.


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## draconis

Chris H. said:


> Glad to see the new people
> 
> Always glad to see you too Justean, I'm sure many people appreciate your participation here.


I second that, you have a nice approach to helping people.

draconis


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## wondering-why

Andrea said:


> Welcome to TAM!
> 
> 
> (btw, Lavender is my favorite plant/scent. I have a huge plant sitting on my front porch.)


am i doing this right?


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## wondering-why

Hi all...happy to have found this..but not sure how it works


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## draconis

wondering-why said:


> Hi all...happy to have found this..but not sure how it works


Welcome, find the place that looks best for your post and post away. If you haven't yet read the rules of the forums.

draconis


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## outkast44

Hi all, i'm new here and just trying to figure out my marriage. I'm in the process of reading a lot of stuff here to figure out how to help fix what's not working in my relationship with my wife. I just wanted to say thank you in advance for any help and/or support.


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## dcrim

I Dave, mid 50s, live in the Ozarks after 25 years around Washington, DC. I'm divorced (for 5 years) after married for just shy of 20. I have a mutual friend (hi, Drac) reference this site so I thought I'd check it out. I'm currently in a good relationship of almost 2.5 years and looking for much more. I hope to be able to contribute as well as learn from everyone.


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## draconis

dcrim said:


> I Dave, mid 50s, live in the Ozarks after 25 years around Washington, DC. I'm divorced (for 5 years) after married for just shy of 20. I have a mutual friend (hi, Drac) reference this site so I thought I'd check it out. I'm currently in a good relationship of almost 2.5 years and looking for much more. I hope to be able to contribute as well as learn from everyone.


I have read your posts so far, and wow oh wow.

draconis


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## dcrim

LOL - does that mean I'm doing good?!?  You've known me from other forums. I have no problem speaking my mind! And I'm always willing to learn...


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## draconis

dcrim said:


> LOL - does that mean I'm doing good?!?  You've known me from other forums. I have no problem speaking my mind! And I'm always willing to learn...


Yes I have seen you give great advice here.

draconis


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## rosser

I am really hurting. Married almost 15 years with 3 beautiful kids. He is such a wonderful provider, but that is about all I can say. He travels 80% out of the year and when he is here he is critical and distant with all of us especially with me. We were so much happier before we had things. What happened? We are on a downward spiral.


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## draconis

rosser said:


> I am really hurting. Married almost 15 years with 3 beautiful kids. He is such a wonderful provider, but that is about all I can say. He travels 80% out of the year and when he is here he is critical and distant with all of us especially with me. We were so much happier before we had things. What happened? We are on a downward spiral.


Please start your own post anywheres I am sure that you will get many pieces of advice and views from all different directions.

draconis


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## Honey

rosser said:


> I am really hurting. Married almost 15 years with 3 beautiful kids. He is such a wonderful provider, but that is about all I can say. He travels 80% out of the year and when he is here he is critical and distant with all of us especially with me. We were so much happier before we had things. What happened? We are on a downward spiral.



We are here to help, if we can. Start a thread and we will be there.


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## voivod

hi all...

i'm sure like many, i found this place in a late night google desparation search. lucky me. had i not found it, i don't know where i'd be right now. i've already been thru one counselor and dozens of self-help sites. i'm separated for the better part of 4 months and this has been a great dose of sanity through all the insanity. i truly believe my marriage is on the (long term) heal due to the input of many on this forum (thanks drac, swedish, niki, justean, mark twain. awww crap, i'm gonna forget someone...). i try to help anywhere i can, mostly drawing from the pain of my experiences. hope that doesn't offend the recipients. anyway, thanks to the moderators, administrators, and experienced contributors for all the help. i believe this forum recieves divine help.
carry on!


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## draconis

Welcome, I have been here quite some time and continue to learn from people here.

draconis


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## AnnLovesJohn

Hi everyone, I'm Ann. Great to meet you all!


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## draconis

AnnLovesJohn said:


> Hi everyone, I'm Ann. Great to meet you all!


Nice to meet you too.

draconis


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## sarah.rslp

Hi,

I'm sarah I stumbled across this site a little while ago and found it interesting, I look forward to participating.


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## swedish

Welcome, Sarah!


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## dtorres

Hi to everyone... I'm new to this I just registered 'because I was curious about this site I'm having trouble with my marriage and the issues are so many that I have no idea how to start... 

can somebody plaease tell me how this can help me out?


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## sweetpea

Welcome dtorres! Please post in whatever section pertains to your marriage. The good thing about posting a thread is that you can different viewpoints on the same issue.


sweetpea


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## java

Hi everyone. I have been here a couple of days now. I hope to find clarity in my current issues and be able to help others. Thanks!


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## guitarcat213

*Hello there! Just joined up to get some support as I'm newly married....seeing what's out there.*


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## Chris H.

Welcome!


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## draconis

guitarcat213 said:


> *Hello there! Just joined up to get some support as I'm newly married....seeing what's out there.*


welcome to TAM

draconis


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## Mommybean

Hi, i'm new here. My name is Trina aka Mommybean and i'm looking forward to getting to know everyone and hopefully learn some things~


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## swedish

Welcome, Trina!


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## jake62

Good morning
My name is Jake and I had trouble with my marriage last year. I am currently separated and living in what I call limbo.
Even though there was infidelity in the marriage I still love my wife and hope that someday I can either let go or she will come back to me. 
Thank you for this forum as it has helped my transition and healing over the past 8 months. 
I hope to return and keep reading these valuable posts in hopes to gain some insight to married life.


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## Rachel Marf

Hi Chris

I am having problems and this is the first time and first person I have spoken to... I hope to find help somewhere. I'm not married to a bad person and I have a lovely family but I am very miserable. I am 44, outgoing and used to be bubbly. My marriage is a dull 'friendship' my teenage children are becoming independent, and the credit crunch has hit us 'big time'.... help


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## broken

Here is my intro! I was looking for a new forum. I found this. The last forum I was one, well I got kicked off for a couple weeks for being truthful. People don't like hearing the truth sometimes. I asked what I did and was shocked that would get someone in trouble. Anyways, I'm feeling a little out of my mind so I wanted to find somewhere to help out with a little issue of mine.


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## lost soul

Hi, same story as everyone else having trouble and looking for answers.


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## maria33

Hello, I am new here. I really like the forum


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## msadorable

Just out looking for some support, my marriage isn't what I would want it to be!


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## Chris H.

Welcome to Talk About Marriage msadorable!


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## foxylainey

Chris H. said:


> Welcome to *Talk About Marriage*.
> 
> *Talk About Marriage* is a forum to discuss marriage and relationships. Here, we interpret the word "marriage" loosely, recognizing that many different people from different cultures view marriage differently.
> 
> I started Talk About Marriage because I know that there are a ton of people out there looking for help and support in their relationships. Talk About Marriage provides a unique opportunity for people to anonymously post and provide feedback to others about their relationships. There is no cost for using this website; it is entirely supported by advertising and it's parent site, The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory.
> 
> The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory has been one of the top sites in the search engines for "Marriage Counseling" and "Family Counseling" since 2003. Because of this, I am aware of the masses of people that are searching for help on the internet. Based on some rough statistics, I can estimate that about a half million visitors came to the site this past year.
> 
> Talk About Marriage is designed to be a community forum for those interested in talking to others about their relationships, but perhaps not ready to take the extra step to get professional help. Be aware that there are professionals available for relationship help all around the world, and The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory is just a small sample of therapists who have chosen to advertise.
> 
> The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy has a service called Therapist Locator, which lists trained marriage and family therapists in the US, Canada, and Overseas.
> 
> The American Psychological Association also has a referral service called the APA Help Center.
> 
> In addition, the Open Directory Project has a category full of other mental health counseling directories. And there are advertisers on this site who provide professional services as well.
> 
> As you can see, I am partial to professional help. One reason being, that I have a post-graduate degree in Social Work, and I believe it to be a worthy field with impeccable values. The other reason I am partial to professional help, is that I've done my own work in different forms of therapy for many years, and I've found it to be an incredible life-enriching process that has helped me to become a good husband and father. Therapy has a way of helping me see things I wouldn't normally see, and learn things about myself that I might never have learned.
> 
> Of course, I've heard all of the horror stories about therapists out there who "did this" or "said that!" I'm very fortunate that the one's I've spent time with have been well-trained and ethical. People should be aware that every state has licensing bodies who are there to deal with unethical behavior, and it is our duty to report unethical conduct.
> 
> That brings me back to this forum  . Please read our posting guidelines. This forum is open to the general public, and there is no guarantee about what anyone here might say. Please be respectful of others, regardless of how different your views are.
> 
> Thank you for visiting my site.
> 
> 
> Chris Hartwell


Good Morning. I have lots of questions and I am not sure where to begin.


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## Heidiw

Hi 
I wanted to find a site where I could make friends so I could get my mind off of my marriage. This has just been a bad year so far & I don't have a lot of friends due to where I live.

Thanks
Heidi


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## oaktree

Hello all, I am new to this fourm and hopping to learned some new info on marriage. Been married for 9 years, 14 years together ( Yes, high school sweethearts) We have 3 kids, 10 yr, 5 yr, and 8 mo, and 4 dogs, two snakes, and a lizard. 
My wife (Nikki) and I (Steve BTW) have our ups and downs. We face financial issues, health issues, communication problems (mostly on my side), and disagreements, but we do have our happy times and work things out. A typical marriage. I love my wife more than I did the first year we been together. I try to do everything to help her out, keep her happy and meet her needs. Our sex has greatly improved with the additional used of toys for her and finally got her to have an orgasm by trial and error. Hehehe. 
In all, we are very happy to have each other.


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## mumof2

Hi everyone

I am new to all this and just wanted to talk to others and get some advice after my husband of 21 years announced he wants to separate. 

He said he doesn't feel the same about me anymore. This was 6 weeks ago and he is still living in the house and still sleeping in my bed, but says he wont change his mind and there is no second chance. I am so overwhelmed by my emotions I don't know where to turn.


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## dcrim

Mumof2, welcome! 

You may wish to start a new thread for your questions and concerns rather than the "welcome" thread. It's ok to get your initial information out but a discussion would probably be better in it's own thread.  

You'll definately get a lot of responses! That's what we're all here for...


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## mumof2

Thankyou


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## Petmom

Hi! I'm new to this so hope I'm answering in the right spot. I've been married 19 years on July 5th and together for 20 years. These last few months have been very trying so I hope I can get the help I need to keep our marriage going.


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## confsedmom

I am not sure what to do.. My Boyfriend and I want to get married.. I thought things were going great but recently found out he has been talking to other women on the internet.. and I am unsure if he has actually met anyone or not.. I have a feeling he has.. He swears to me he has not.. He has admitted he has a problem w/ this but tells he will stop.. for some reason I believe that if this is addiction you cant just stop.. I am not sure what to do.. part of me wants to move out and leave him.. I guess because he knew that I had trust issues and it was a HUGE deal to me.. Any advice


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## happiness101

Hi all. I am new to this site and to seeking marriage help and advice. Please see my post in general relationship discussions. I look forward to learning from everybody and hope my thoughts and experiences may be able to help others
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris H.

Welcome! Glad you're here!


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## David67

Hi. I am new to the site and need advice on my marriage.


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## shughes

Hi all! I registered for this site for advice and hopefully find someone here that is going through the same situation as I. My husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 9. We have 3 kids together ages 7, 5 & 3. We've had our ups and downs all throughout our relationship and marriage but since starting his business 2 years ago it's gotten worse. He's not emotionally there for the kids but is emotionally available for his staff members. I will look through the site for the right forum for this discussion.


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## Chris H.

Welcome guys!


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## Summertime

Hi. I have just joined this forum. After 20+ years of trying, I have finally had it with my spouse and want out. If I had the economic means, I would already be gone. Because I don't yet - but am saving - I have the chance to be sure what I am doing is the last resort. I do not trust my husband and do not believe I will ever be able to trust or love him anymore. I admit that I am angry - with myself for staying so long and trusting so much and at him for treating me like a rug. For much of our marriage he has been physically or verbally/emotionally abusive, though he isn't now. (He has not been physically abusive in a long time, but just a few weeks ago he was still verbally/emotionally abusive using very cutting and hurtful words/tones.) He has had several affairs - one running much longer than I realized until recently. I have not been a saint, as I also had an affair with someone from my past. I don't like him; I don't like being with him; I don't like intimacy with him and cringe at his touch. A few weeks ago I told him that I did not believe there was a chance for us to stay together; that he simply could not win me back. It was then that he did this big 180-degree change. Now he decides it's time to treat me like the queen I have actually tried to be to him. He bends over backwards to help me with the house, to do whatever I even hint at that I want, to care for me...and it's all lost. I hate it. To me, it is just a ploy to rope me and keep me in the relationship. I simply cannot believe the change is for the long-haul; been there, done that. I should have left him long before now, but it is what it is. I have been in counseling for myself and it has helped, but I feel like we need to do some counseling together to help him understand where I am. Of course, he just can't seem to get it and I wouldn't expect him to since all he wants to do is put the past behind him. I am not even sure what I am seeking. Any input from anyone?


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## swedish

Welcome to the site, Summertime. You may want to cut/past your post to a new thread by clicking 'New Thread' under the General Relationship Discussion. It will likely get a lot more response there.


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## Blaze

Just thought I'd pop in and say "Hello". I joined this site a few days ago and have posted a few messages; some replies, one new post. Have received good replies. Nice site here. Well organized and from what I can tell the members are respectful and pretty much keep on topic within posts. Glad there doesn't seem to be any spam. 

As for my bio, I'm a 46 year old female, married 20 years (known him for 27), Second marriage for me - first for him. I'm a housewife, no children; quiet pampered life near Chicago. Love being married and no intention of having an affair or leaving him or anything. Am here to learn and get insight on a few things that nag at me a bit ... and hopefully I might have something positive to offer the members here as well.

Blaze


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## 20yrs

Hi... just found this site and it seems very friendly from what I have seen so far.

A bit about me... married for 20 years to my grade school sweetheart... nope, it has not always been easy, but divorce was never an option so we just always worked things through.

Now we have teenagers and life is full - so full that we have to MAKE time for each other - but we have learned that no matter how hard it gets, if we do not have our very own together time then it can get sticky. 

Looking forward to meeting folks on here - talking about a subject near and dear to my heart - and that is about a relationship between two people that can still be alive and fun after 20 years!


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## momof4

I am new to this site, although I have been following it for the past 3 months. I will start a thread and introduce myself soon. I look forward to all the great and straight out advice I will get from all of you. =D


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## Chris H.

welcome guys n gals!


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## Loveissweet29

I posted originally posted this in the general discussion area as I didn't see this. hello everyone. I am a new poster and wanted to introduce myself. I am 29 from NY. Ive been married for 4 years. We have our problems, but I am trying to work on them. I would like to get to know everyone better, and possibly share some more stuff about me when I get the chance. Ive been lurking for a while, just wanted to make an introduction. Is anyone else in a bi-racial relationship?


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## ForsakenHeart

Hi.
New on this forum, usually only lurking.
I have some questions and need advice, but am very shy at the same time so it will take me perhaps some time to write about my situation.
Some things about me- I´m 29, married for almost 10 years, with 3 kids.
I am really glad that a place like this exists.

Thank you for your time


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## Chris H.

Welcome!


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## alaflybaby

Hello all! Hubby and I are currently at a breaking point. It's either divorce or live as roommates for the kids. Not sure what will happen! Looking to get good sound advice, and welcome being told if I am in the wrong. Just need to know where to go and what to do.


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## Round2

Hi All,

I was pleased to find this site as I'm looking for a sounding board when I get frustrated with my husband's emotional issues and need some perspective.
He suffers from anxiety, a problem that first reared it's ugly head about 5 years ago where before it didn't exist. It is sometimes so severe that he has a difficult time functioning and, as a highly educated man with a demanding job, this is extremely worrisome for him. He is 53 years old, looks 40, and was a very strong person before this all happened. A quality that I very much admired.

I run a business myself, am very decisive, strong willed and direct so, when I feel he is falling apart, I find myself becoming impatient with him. 
This absolutely horrifies me. 
He deserves my understanding, kindness and support, not my contempt. 

When it first happened, I couldn't do enough to try to help him as my heart broke for him and how he was suffering. I arranged counselling for him, drove him to and from work day after day while making sure I also got to work (remember his commute is 100km). I would talk him through anxiety attacks over the phone several times a day, reseach information that I thought would help him cope and just be there for him in general. 
Now when he has flare ups, I find myself rolling my eyes and clenching my teeth instead of feeling sympathy. I get irritated and frustrated and wonder when the hell it's going to stop. I try my very best (honestly!!) to not convey this to him but I find my inner dialogue is frequently negative. 

Basically I need people to remind me that I'm being a b*tch as with the job I do, I can easily lose touch with my soft side!

Fortunately, aside from low grade general anxiety, he only has acute flare ups once a year or less which, in my eyes, makes my reaction even worse. he also stays in the city during the week now, which eliminates the need for me to drive him to work when he's having a flare-up (this has nothing to do with the anxiety and everything to do with the 2 hour or more rush hour drive...each way).
To be honest, I think the problem is that I'm terrified that one day he'll have a flare up and it won't go away. Ever!
I am 11 years younger than he is and I don't know if I could continue on in the relationship if that were to happen, but I can't imagine abandoning him either. We are (were) both such independent, strong people that I feel this problem is an extremely cruel twist of fate, making him more dependent on me which I can't help but see as weakness. I don't like it and I know that I'm being incredibly selfish. Hence the guilt.
It's funny because if it were a physical problem it wouldn't bother me nearly as much. I definitely fell in love with his character and personality which changes during these times. 

Our relationship is great otherwise. We communicate well and aside from the intimacy issues we're experiencing due to the weekend only contact (which we discuss and take measures to improve) we enjoy each other, have no difficulty with jealousy and treat each other with respect. 
In 10 years we have never once yelled at each other or called each other a mean name - not that we don't disagree or fight, 'cause we do!! 
Anyway, I look forward to receiving the advice I'll seek from time to time as, in reading through the board posts, there is no shortage of wisdom and good sense.  
Thanks for allowing me to become a member of this community and I look forward to getting to know everybody. 

Warmest regards, 

Round2


----------



## Sad

Hello! I'm new here... looking for advice and sharing my own words of opinion. It's nice to meet you all. 

Take Care!


----------



## Liam

Hi everyone  I've browsed here every now and then but thought it was time to sign up and start contributing. I've been married 7 and a half years and we have a 7 year old son. We've been through good and bad times like everyone else and feel we have a really strong relationship. We actually started our own marriage advice site back in August, and it's doing really well  (Not posting the link yet, don't want to look like a spammer  ). 

I've browsed here before when doing research for our site, but I feel like now is the time to start contributing and hopefully offering some good advice and help where I can. Our own marriage is by no means perfect - who's is?  So I'm sure I'll be asking for help and advice myself from time to time. It's great to be here, and I'll see you all around


----------



## Sven

Count me as a "browsed for a while, time to sign up" guy. I'm writing an excessively long and detailed account of my story, since a proper introduction is needed! I'm at least as screwed up as everyone else here, so I'll fit right in....

Thanks for this forum - it's outstanding.


----------



## Imlost

I'm new here. I am a 30 year old woman, lived with my husband for almost 13 years. Been married for 7 years. We have a WONDERFUL little boy named Conner. He is the light of my life. My marriage is in trouble and it used to really bring me down, but since my son came along I have no reason to feel down. I still have my moments where it is harder to pull myself out a slump - but overall I try to be positive and thankful for what I do have. 

I am the sole provider for my family. Not just financially, but in every way. I get very little help from hubby, he does watch our son while I am at work which is wonderful - but that is all that he does. I am to blame for a lot of this mess. I have allowed him to be this way. I was 17 years old when we met and I just had no idea about life or relationships. I came from a family where mom and dad have been married for 35 years. None of my dad's 11 brothers and sisters (Catholic Family) have been divorced. I grew up in a small town and I just didn't have any idea what "real life" was all about. 

I still don't have much of a clue about life - but I am learning as I go. I know that being a mommy is the most rewarding job I could ever have. And, if my relationship were better with hubby I would have loved to have had more kids. But, I am blessed to have my little man, Conner and I appreciate him so much.

I am here for advice mainly. I think I can learn from other's posts and hopefully I can repair my lousy relationship. We'll see.....


----------



## leah101

hi I'm leah like everyone else here im just trying to find a place I can get advice on how to make my marriage better and last forever. Thanks for the support! ~leah


----------



## SoxMunkey

I am happy that I was able to find this site. It is wonderful in seeing that I am not alone and that my situation is not a unique one. We all have a common bond and it is wonderful that we can all offer up words of advice and wisdom.

Thanks for putting this site out there. It's a great place to vent, and meet others.


----------



## jayney

I have just joined this site I have a scenario that is causing me a little confusion. I was hoping someone might be able to give me a better perspective. I would appreciate anyones thoughts on the matter. 

My boyfriend proposed to me while in bali recently, while there were a few really good romantic opportunities, instead he chose to propose in bed just before I fell asleep. (of course I said yes he is the man of my dreams and we had our first child 6 month ago). What stumped me is that he did not bring it up for the rest of the two days we were in bali. I wasnt sure if he meant it or forgotten. There was no ring you see, so when we got back to Perth I asked if he remembered what he said and he replied "of course". I asked if he meant it and he replied that he sure did and our engagement party is in three weeks.

Added to this is that I have had to put in all the effort to find my ring. I dont know if it is because he is busy working and i am just at home with the baby and it is easier for me but again I am troubled with the lack of effort on his part. There has been no romance with our decision to get married and i cant help but feel a little disappointed...

Am I being over analytical?


----------



## RichardL

I need a strong opinion regarding pre-marital sex, otherwise known as fornication in the bible. I believe this message to be a black and white issue, however as it applies to two senior's in the late 70's who at this point are not sure of another marriage, how can we jusify this dynamick chemistry between the two of us and still live with our conscience???.


----------



## DAWNDEE

Hi there. I stumbled upon this site and I am hoping to get and give some advices. Sometimes it takes just another perspective from someone who is not involved into the situation, to help a person see a resolution.
I am divorced with children and now I want to get involved in a relationship. But I seam to have develop a fear of intimacy. Whenever someone gets close, I put on heavy barriers around me. I want them to get through, but my fear and hesitation eventually burns them out. Should I go after him, explain my fears and ask him to keep trying? He was definitely interested, but now he hesitates. Does his hesitation mean that I should go after him or that he is done with trying to get close to me. Will my trying make me look desperate? Will I have internal peace if I just watch him lose interest? Any advice?


----------



## vpm09

Hello to all,
I am new to this site and I am not real sure of what I am doing by writing a thread. I have a question that I need to ask and really would like some advise on, but I'm not sure exactly where to do that at in this site!!! Can someone please help me so that I may get some help with my issue!

Thanks greatfully,
VPM09


----------



## Chris H.

Welcome guys!


----------



## KerryLBerryJ

Glad I found this site because I feel like I'm going insane with my marriage. I'll post it… somewhere!


----------



## gobroncos6

Hi,
I'm new here. I'm not having any marriage troubles, but we can all improve our marriages, right? There's always something to work on.  I'm also learning how to be a life coach and am excited to help people in a professional capacity. 
Thanks for the great forum.
Kari


----------



## Evie

We've been married for 9 yrs now with 3 beautiful girls. After our second daughter was born things really changed for us.We live way to close to my family who cause a lot of drama. I had sever postpatum depression.I pulled away from him and the kids,all I wanted to do was find a hole to crawl in and stay. Things got to the point where we both met someone online,and when we both found out about it and talked,we both agreed that we needed to work on our marriage. But I don't feel like things have changed at all.We still fight a lot over the kids over money,moving.Anything really.No matter what I say or do it's wrong in his eyes.The place we live in is way to small for our family,the area sucks,the kids are not happy and i'm not happy. When I try to come up with a solution he knocks it down. Always has a reason to make me feel stubid.And sex well lets just say it feels like a job,there's no passion between us anymore. I don't know how to fix this anymore I'm out of answers,I've ask him to go to marriage counseling but he refuses.I'm so tired of fighting,I can't talk to him. I feel so lost.


----------



## Wisdom&Life

Hello,

My name is Cathi and I've been married 23 years this coming February 17th. 

We've been having some troubles, but we are working them out. Why did I sign up here? Well, last week was a very bad week full of anxiety, and I was looking for some guidance. I ran across this forum. I have been browsing and decided to sign up. 

Anyway, I need some time before I talk about what happened to us. It is still fresh and I need to get past it to where I can talk about it without crying right now. 

But as another poster said, it doesn't hurt to make any improvements. 

Thanks you and Cheers!

Blessings,
Cathi


----------



## Goldilocks1956

Hello everyone! I found this forum and joined right away. My common-law marriage of 17 years is like a bucket of mud and I sit day after day, year after year, dreaming of myself being single and free, without the dead weight of someone who tears me down and makes me cry. I will tell more of my story later when it is not so late at night and I am not so sleepy.

.


----------



## tony

hey guys!
im just new here last night. i'm having crisis in my marriage..and i would like to uplift my moods and the moods of other people that feels the same way. Btw, my marriage is just turning 2 years this april, hoping to fix our marriage before our 2nd anniversary.hehe.


----------



## sagie

kellyjoshawny said:


> hello to all...im having a little trouble in my current relationship. was looking on line and found this site. im just trying to find a site that will give me answers or just a place to go if i need it! THANKS


wow its so good to talk to someone an get advice :smthumbup:


----------



## sagie

i am so in love with this man but he loves me but not in love with me but i still keep hanging on praying an hoping some day he just mike change his mine


----------



## Meltherapist

New here, just thought I would say hello.  Seems like an excellent forum!


----------



## Chris H.

Welcome!!!


----------



## ConfusedAsian

Hi, I joined this site hoping to get some answers to problems I am facing in my 4 years marriage. Hopefully I can put in effective contribution to people's problems too.

My husband says he loves me, but I honestly don't feel like. He does not normally do things that I like but always expects to like what he wants. But when I feeling down & depressed he reasons out that the reason why he can't do things that I like is because of the problems he is having. I get confused after speaking to him. 

Today we were having a lovely chat, then he suddenly tells me that one of his bachelor friends coming & if he can stay the night in our house for couple of nights. Ofcourse this would not have been a problem for me if we have a spare room. The problem is we have 2 boys staying in our spare room at the moment, so this friend would have to crash in a open room opposite to where me & my husband sleeps. There is no door between where he would sleep & where we would sleep as its a open space. I got so angry when he suggested that, as my first thought was "He is my husband, should he not be the person protecting me... How can he even suggest this" He thinks I am unreasonable as I will be with my husband all the time when he is around and there is no reason for me to feel odd. I am normally a reserve person, and always appreciated my privacy. Sometimes people, including my husband thinks I am selfish, but that is who am I. 

I like to know your thoughts on this. Am I been selfish to think like this, or is it fair that I did not want him to stay over. 

Thank You


----------



## ConfusedAsian

Imlost said:


> I'm new here. I am a 30 year old woman, lived with my husband for almost 13 years. Been married for 7 years. We have a WONDERFUL little boy named Conner. He is the light of my life. My marriage is in trouble and it used to really bring me down, but since my son came along I have no reason to feel down. I still have my moments where it is harder to pull myself out a slump - but overall I try to be positive and thankful for what I do have.
> 
> I am the sole provider for my family. Not just financially, but in every way. I get very little help from hubby, he does watch our son while I am at work which is wonderful - but that is all that he does. I am to blame for a lot of this mess. I have allowed him to be this way. I was 17 years old when we met and I just had no idea about life or relationships. I came from a family where mom and dad have been married for 35 years. None of my dad's 11 brothers and sisters (Catholic Family) have been divorced. I grew up in a small town and I just didn't have any idea what "real life" was all about.
> 
> I still don't have much of a clue about life - but I am learning as I go. I know that being a mommy is the most rewarding job I could ever have. And, if my relationship were better with hubby I would have loved to have had more kids. But, I am blessed to have my little man, Conner and I appreciate him so much.
> 
> I am here for advice mainly. I think I can learn from other's posts and hopefully I can repair my lousy relationship. We'll see.....


Hi, have you tried talking to your hubby about how you feel? The message does not say you have. May be that is the starting point, to sit and talk to him. Ask him what he wants? Does he want this marriage to work? How you feel at the moment?

May be you need some fire in your marriage. Do you go on holidays often? May be you should, just the 2 of you. I am sure coming from a big close knit family your son can be looked after for a week or so, until the 2 of you go away from all the hustle & bustle. If he does not take the initiative in arranging something, may be you should & see how it goes. I have heard alot of couple with similar problems, specially from the man's side. They do come around eventually, but it is hard work. Then again there are people who does not want to change, then you need to think "is it worth living with someone who does not bother to work towards keeping the marriage" "Is this a good example for my son". From the background you come from, I can imagine separation been the last thing. It is easy to separate, but difficult to make things work. But when you do make things work, the reward can be so great. Like the song "Fight for you Love" you should not give up till you fight to make this work. 

I myself have issues & problems which I am still looking for answers in my marriage, hence I am no expert. But this is what I feel about your situation.

I wish you all the best, and hope you will find the happiness you desire soon. 

Kind Regards
:smthumbup:


----------



## MinC

I just found this site and am glad that I did - I am a married male (16+ years) in southern New England. 

I have a lot of questions/comments to come; I just need some time to frame my thoughts and get the feel of the boards.

Taking this time to get an official post in and say hello. More later.

Regards to all,
MinC


----------



## Rey

Hey guys & gals

I'm Rey, based in sunny South Africa (pls dont mention the soccer cos i really dont support the sport) Been married for almost 3 years & now slowly but surely the cracks are becoming more & more evident... 

hope you guys are gr8 with advice...


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## YasminTiaraMacDonald

I agree with above nangie29 views


----------



## stresslady

Hello everyone ..I came across this wonderful forum..and wouldn't mind becoming more familar with it..I am depressed and need some moral support and just be here to learn more as I stay on here ..I see I am not alone..


----------



## zato

Just googled marraige problems and this site appeard, read through a couple of post and was impressed by how much u members help.


----------



## Chris H.

Thanks, glad you found us!


----------



## up2me

I just joined today and hope that someone has a similar experience to mine and can help get me back on track. I'm a skeptic when it comes to the online world and my post should certainly explain why but thank you for giving people a place to express concern privately.


----------



## DAVIDF.3304

i would like a womsns veiw for to many pillows in bed between me and wife.


----------



## pheonix

*My 1st post.*

Hi all, 

I'm a new member to this forum and thought I'd introduce myself.
I'm married and things aren't good at all at the moment, hence me looking for and finding this site. When I'm sure of what I want to say/ask I will do.
I hope that I will find this forum and the views of it's members helpful and that I can also assist others.


----------



## MrsJaded

New here.. thought I'd say hello. DH and I have been married for almost 7 years and I'm feeling more and more insignificant as the days go by. I'm not getting much help or support from friends or family. I just feel so alone.


----------



## rainbowstar

hello could someone please tell me how i post a new topic. Thanks


----------



## Mrs. B

Hello. Im new as well. I've been married for 6 years, together for 12. Just getting a feeling for this forum site. Its nice to meet you all.


----------



## Chris H.

Welcome!


----------



## swedish

rainbowstar said:


> hello could someone please tell me how i post a new topic. Thanks


Welcome, rainbowstar. Top post a new thread, go to the forum you would like to post in such as 'General Relationship Discussion' and click on the blue 'New Thread' button near the top left.


----------



## cb45

hmmm, mine doesnt show that blue button, maybe something
else?

:scratchhead:


----------



## swedish

If you are already viewing a thread, you will see the 'post reply' button instead which will reply to the thread you are currently viewing. If you wish to create a new thread, you must go up one level to the forum you wish to post in such as 'General Relationship Discussion' to see the 'New Thread' button.


----------



## cb45

oic now, tks swedish.

by the way somewhere on TAM there was an abbreviation

key to follow/see. where is it(now)?


----------



## leeann

I need help....My one year anninersty is coming up and I still can't figure out what to do for my husband HELP!!!


----------



## swedish

cb45 said:


> oic now, tks swedish.
> 
> by the way somewhere on TAM there was an abbreviation
> 
> key to follow/see. where is it(now)?




http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/464-common-message-board-abbreviations-acronyms.html


----------



## swedish

leeann said:


> I need help....My one year anninersty is coming up and I still can't figure out what to do for my husband HELP!!!


Welcome, Leeann! You will get a better response to your question if you create a new thread. You can go to 'General Relationship Discussion' and click on the 'New Thread' button.


----------



## shampa

I think it is great you started this forum for people who need advice on their marriage. Sometimes it can be hard to open up to a counselor or even a friend about problems that can sometimes be very personal. I feel your forums can be helpful in that you can get some truthful third party advice without leaving your home. Kudos to you Chris and I am glad I found this site! I think thats Great to have a place to discuss many issues and hear multiple takes on the situation. I have always had a pretty high drama Life and tend to always journal to myself so the idea of sharing outloud seems very comforting. glad to have found this place' hope all is well with all!

____________________
The site serves as the one stop shop for all information related to Laura Vandervoort. It is one of the most popular and fastest growing online sources for quality pictures, videos and hot news related to Laura’s work and current engagements. Surfers can seamlessly browse through the site and gain from the latest pieces of information about Laura Vandervoort.


----------



## Chris H.

Thanks! Hope you enjoy the site.


----------



## heidismith

ok im really new to these kinds of things this is the first time i have ever did this but i need help iv been married for 8 yrs but we have been together for 12 yrs and we have 4 kids.. now about a 2yrs ago we split up and we had got back together for only 6 months any way we split again and then about a 1yr n a 1/2 ago we got back together and have been together since and had our 4th child who is only 4 mths old well i told him that we needed to talk about the things that we did for us to move forward see we have a lot of ppl in our lives that try to impact us and tell things on us so that we fight, well anyway i opened up and told him everything that i had did and he said that he did nothing AT all now this far down the road im told that he was in a relationship that he did not tell me about and he did admit to this after they had told me and he for the time that we have been back together has done nothing but pick on me about what i did and joke about it now all i want to do is move forward in our lives together with our kids but now i cant tell when hes lying or telling me the truth any more i need help what do i do to get passed all of this????


----------



## Chris H.

heidismith, you really should copy and paste your post into a "New Thread" in the general relationship discussion area. You will get a lot more replies that way.


----------



## Raideress12

Hello all, I just came across this website and it seems to be just what I was looking for. My husband and I have had a lot of trouble, struggles, issues, etc., but it is good to know we are not alone. Hopefully I can gain some knowledge, insight and experience from the members of this site.


----------



## Chris H.

Welcome!


----------



## marriedtoo

Hello I just stumbled upon this site. I am hoping to find help with my marraige as well as offer my honest opinion about married life issues.


----------



## Amplexor

marriedtoo said:


> Hello I just stumbled upon this site. I am hoping to find help with my marraige as well as offer my honest opinion about married life issues.


Welcome and good luck.


----------



## roses

Hello all, I am here to contribute and seek guidance and constructive feedback.


----------



## Pyschelps

Hello everyone,

I am new to this site and I hope to contribute some great advice. I have my Phd, in psychology and I am looking forwards to helping others.


----------



## hopeflts

Hello everyone! 
I am fairly new to the community. I joined in hopes of finding answers to assist me with issues within my own marriage. Yes, I have mostly lurked up till now. I am not sure reading posts have helped me at all, but they have made me feel a little less alone.

I have a wonderful H, we have been married 20+ years. I use to consider him not only the love of my life but my best friend. He is still the love of my life and I can not imagine my life without him. 
I think through those years we have each developed our own resentments & regrets. These become barriers many times in us being able to communicate. Some of the barriers I admit are mostly my fault for ways I have acted and things I have done. 
I will admit in the past I have had PA. He did have an EA and a question always remains on my part as to whether that was all. He has forgiven me and I have forgiven him. However, these things still remain in our minds - thus, causing barriers in communicating.
We have dealt with a few issues with our son (things we really are unable to talk about together)- which as much as it would be nice to talk to someone about that issue I just can't put that out here for all to see.
We are also currently dealing with "empty nest". I feel it bothers me more than him. I guess I had fantasies of how that would be and at times become dissappointed to find it is not all I had dreamed.
I think we are just going through so many changes it is just difficult. 
Mainly, I just wanted to introduce my self to the community here.


----------



## epas3012

Hi, my story is so long. I met my husband chating 4 years ago, we got married almost a year ago. He is from USA and I'm from Costa Rica. He has been living here with me until recently that he left for a couple months to visit his 2 kids from previous marriage and dad. He is supposed to come back this Friday. Yesterday he said he will come and will leave again because his dad has a health condition and since his son is living with his dad, he doesn't want to leave him alone. Fine I understand that but he works from home and now also says he will look for a real job with a better pay. (The job he currently has allows him to work in CR since its from home and he doesn't have papers but pay is good for CR standars not USA). So I've been upset thinking he is going to abandon me here. Today he said he isn't even coming back this Friday because he already got a job and will continue doing part time on the one he currently has for same pay. He asks if I'm happy for him, he says we will be economically better than ever since I also got a new job here but of course I'm not happy, not the right way to do things, he didn't even ask me. How can I believe when he says he misses me and loves me when he couldn't even make his first day a week after to be able to come here at least and see me after those 2 months we have been appart since we got married. I feel I hate him for doing that to me. I don't have papers and don't want and won't be there illegal. I just cry and cry and I talk to him with so much anger. I haven't tell him I love hin in the last 3 days, I don't feel it anymore, whatever was there, he managed to kill it. Even if he comes this Friday I won't be happy, I'm hurt his dad and son won over the new wife. I deserve so much better, I was a good person, ignored all the signs I got to not marry him (first time he missed his flight to come here and we couldn't get married, second time lawyer had a problem with computer and couldnt marry us on the day we had planned it). It's 4am in the morning here, I haven't sleep, my eyes are all swallow and red and I just keep crying and can't sleep. Sorry for typing so much. I just wish I could have met someone who would have care to be with me and could have appreciated me more, because no matter what he says, I don't believe him anymore. He chose to leave and I don't want to be like this. I feel so hurt.


----------



## swedish

Welcome to the forums! 

epas3012, you will get a better response to your post if you copy/paste it into a new thread (go to the 'general relationship discussion' and click on 'new thread')


----------



## efoghorjos

I am glad to be in this community. I hope I should be able to contribute my quota (as a writer on marriage issues) to help save ailing marriages.
I am also here to learn from others, because no man is an island of knowledge.
:smthumbup:


----------



## swedish

Welcome to the forums, efoghorjos!


----------



## vinayktm

dear members am new to this forum 

am from india 

thanks take care


----------



## swedish

Welcome, vinayktm!


----------



## notepad40

Need advise on marriage.

When the wife wants to talk and when you do talk she is only one talking and if I want to say something I am Interrupting. If I don't say anything then I don't care. 

Like today we where talking and someone text her about someone just got Admitted to the hospital. This is when I was talking but she say sorry to cut you off and we will finish our talk later but I have to find out about our friend. I feel and even told her you don't consider my feeling.
need help or advise.


----------



## notepad40

Need advise on marriage.

When the wife wants to talk and when you do talk she is only one talking and if I want to say something I am Interrupting. If I don't say anything then I don't care. 

Like today we where talking and someone text her about someone just got Admitted to the hospital. This is when I was talking but she say sorry to cut you off and we will finish our talk later but I have to find out about our friend. I feel and even told her you don't consider my feeling.
need help or advise.


----------



## misspuppy

:smthumbup: finally found a site that is more my style i joined another site ( mainly about pregnancy) and decided not to stay around long because everyone is 10 15 years younger than i am..

SO ya for me..

ok, about me i am a 35 yr old who has lived with the same man for 8yrs and 6 months, i have 1 child ( not his) whom is 16 yrs old, but he treats him like his.. we have had our issues and i am glad to me here to discuss them. 


thanks for having this site and i will def become part of the community


----------



## swedish

Welcome to the forum, misspuppy!


----------



## Gem1967

Hi all, i am frequently here checking various posters problems and solutions which you suggest. I appreciate your time and effort in responding to them. One day may be I will post my questions, but right now I am trying to deal with it by myself.


----------



## swedish

Welcome to the forum, Gem1967!


----------



## BlueEyedBeauty

I just joined this site yesterday, morning...​​I have been sitting here trying to help out others and then today I am the one who is coming here... I have been married to my husband for over 17 years and there are a lot of things I really do not even understand him... He was for one raised from his Mother, and she raised all her seven children not love, not to show pain to anyone but to her; well, with him he really is not even able to do these things or to even feel the pain when something really bad goes wrong...

With his other sister's and one brother​​They grew to love and to show that they are hurting... Well, that is not the only thing though- he has away of getting me upset and then when he knows it works he then becomes such an ass to me- he makes me then where I am crying and really feeling really bad... Just like today; see, him and me had to end up getting a divorce for a very short time due to the State, keeps pushing me around and will not help me when they say I am able to get my SSI- anyhow it went to where we had to throw away 17 years of our marriage to get the help that I need... Which took place 8 months ago (We still live together) anyway it has been so much hell on me, I love him so damn much; I mean I love him more than life it self and beyond all the stars in the sky- I am not even able to write you, for to know how strong my love is for this man, I am even more in love with him then that... 
As I was saying though​
We have done EVERYTHING that the state has told us to do- they just keep on saying that I have to do this and that I have to do that. They have even said themslves "You, have been disable since a child" which is true and now with this disease I was born with it is just getting way worse than it was... Well, anyhow this has been so hard on me not having him as my loving Husband like he was- even though I know we are going to be remarried again on our wedding day which is May 5th- I am just so hurt that it went to us having to thrown 17 years of our marriage out the window and I still am not even getting the help from the State- like they keep saying I will get...LEFT]​[/COLOR]I still call him my husband because in my eyes he is.​We are still together- all the way. I just hate though how he makes me where I get so upset and then he- treats me so badly when he does the job of hurting me. Then when I do get all upset into tears; and I mean tears that just keep on rolling. We then start yelling at each other. Why, would he keep wanting to start fights with me though?​You, all may end up saying- where he can find​Away out of the house because he is cheating on you. Well, NO HE IS NOT- he has not ever cheated, I am his one and only one he has ever been with. I am also his first girfriend he has ever had, the first one he has ever loved. I am the first on everything with him, everyone wants to make it where he looks so bad when for one. There really is not any male like him. He is very rare on how he is... Just like when the first time we made love- we did not rush right into it- yes, there was touching, and kissing, him even touching down on me. But the love making did not take place for six months. We did get engaged with each other right away though. Him and me started dating on Dec 7th 1995 and we were engaged a week before Christmas... He did not ask me in the words of "Would you marry me" I am able to tell what someone is thinking. ​He beat around the brush and I asked
Are you trying to ask me to marry you? and then he said "Lets not tell you mom until I come back here tomorrow from work... Which yes, he is way older than I am and I was 15 years old at the time.... Anyhow enough of all of that- I want someone to help me though with what they may think and not someone who would just say that he is cheating on you... I need to know a few more things as well though​_*

1. Like I asked- why does he always find ways to upset me and put me into tears?

2. Is there anyway of me really having him break from the way he was raised not showing his love, and feelings....

3. This one I will not say until I see how these are answered*_


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## UFGatorGuy20

Greetings everyone. My relationship roller-coaster in a few sentences: I married first at 24. Divorced at 26 (10 year relationship). Married again at 27 last December. Joined to see if stress I feel in my relationships are a "ME problem" or a result of others. I look forward to talking with some great people.


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## Braelynn21203

Hi everyone! I just joined. I'm hoping to help and maybe learn a couple things!


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## evelynz8735

Hello !
I am also a new member. Would a newcomer be warmly welcome here? Good day you guy !



__________________
watch free movies online


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## swedish

Welcome UFGatorGuy, Braelynn & Evelynz!


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## anonymom

New here, looking forward to reading/posting with you all. Good day.


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## Chris H.

Welcome!


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## swedish

Welcome!


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## rrdavinavich

I've been reading alot and I feel silly asking, but what does EA and PA mean?


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## Affaircare

EA is an abbreviation for "Emotional Affair" -- this would be an affair where they are "just friends" but spend hours on the cell phone, texting, emailing, etc. but haven't yet had sex. 

PA is the abbreviation for "Physical Affair" -- this would be an affair that is a One Night Stand (ONS) or that has crossed from an EA to kissing/touching, or from an EA to having sex.


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## swedish

This link may also help as you run across additional abbreviations:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/464-common-message-board-abbreviations-acronyms.html


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## alexmax021

Hi, I am Alex from USA just join this community need your welcome hope that i ll gain so much from here


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## scattered

Hi y'all - been browsing through the forums while I should be working today. Married 21 years since my mid 20s. Good, bad and lately pretty indifferent. Four awesome kids - 2 in college and 2 in hs. Looking forward to sharing and perhaps getting a little perspective.


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## Chris H.

Welcome!


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## Amberwaves

Hi, I have had some concerns with my relationship with husband of 8 years (I guess this year will be 9), and relationships within the family too, as we have a blended family, sometimes it gets hairy. I need some support and hopefully provide support for others as well. 
So I found this site today and it looks good.


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## Chris H.

Welcome to the site Amberwaves!


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## janesmith

Hiya Folks!

Im from the eastcoast, so...ummm...yeah..right about now im freezing my ass off and wishing for some sun. 40 married for 16 years, right before the baby was born, GO US! lol, 4 lovely children...well...they arent so lovely right at this moment because my three daughters are yellling their heads off downstairs and im doing my best to ignore it and let my husband handle it. 

Im actually a therapist in real life, but i do kids and teens, them i "get", lol, but damn if i can fix what goes on in my personal life, lmao. Its a running joke...usually in my head, hahaha.

Found this site looking for was to NOT stab my husband in his sleep....THATS a running joke in my head too, lmao.

Anyway look forward to reading and sharing.


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## bluegentry

I just found this forum. Thought I was introduce myself. I've been married for 18 years have children and up until five years ago, I had the marriage and relationship that other people envied. We've grown apart, and I'm here to get advice.

I feel like I can't really talk about my concerns with our mutual friends, and I think it's destructive and a breach of trust and respect to talk with my mom or my sister. But I need an outlet to vent and get advice from time to time. This looks like the place for that.

For now, I'll just read and absorb, and maybe comment every now and then. I hope to learn from others.


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## Amberwaves

Hi Janesmith and Bluegentry, welcome. I haven't been here long, but so far enjoy the perspective here, and it's a great place to vent _graciously_ .
Edited for spelling.


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## Monique_White

Hello all, 

I am looking forward to join the community here. greetings from switzerland!

Monique





Chris H. said:


> Welcome to *Talk About Marriage*.
> 
> *Talk About Marriage* is a forum to discuss marriage and relationships. Here, we interpret the word "marriage" loosely, recognizing that many different people from different cultures view marriage differently.
> 
> I started Talk About Marriage because I know that there are a ton of people out there looking for help and support in their relationships. Talk About Marriage provides a unique opportunity for people to anonymously post and provide feedback to others about their relationships. There is no cost for using this website; it is entirely supported by advertising and it's parent site, The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory.
> 
> The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory has been one of the top sites in the search engines for "Marriage Counseling" and "Family Counseling" since 2003. Because of this, I am aware of the masses of people that are searching for help on the internet. Based on some rough statistics, I can estimate that about a half million visitors came to the site this past year.
> 
> Talk About Marriage is designed to be a community forum for those interested in talking to others about their relationships, but perhaps not ready to take the extra step to get professional help. Be aware that there are professionals available for relationship help all around the world, and The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory is just a small sample of therapists who have chosen to advertise.
> 
> The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy has a service called Therapist Locator, which lists trained marriage and family therapists in the US, Canada, and Overseas.
> 
> The American Psychological Association also has a referral service called the APA Help Center.
> 
> In addition, the Open Directory Project has a category full of other mental health counseling directories. And there are advertisers on this site who provide professional services as well.
> 
> As you can see, I am partial to professional help. One reason being, that I have a post-graduate degree in Social Work, and I believe it to be a worthy field with impeccable values. The other reason I am partial to professional help, is that I've done my own work in different forms of therapy for many years, and I've found it to be an incredible life-enriching process that has helped me to become a good husband and father. Therapy has a way of helping me see things I wouldn't normally see, and learn things about myself that I might never have learned.
> 
> Of course, I've heard all of the horror stories about therapists out there who "did this" or "said that!" I'm very fortunate that the one's I've spent time with have been well-trained and ethical. People should be aware that every state has licensing bodies who are there to deal with unethical behavior, and it is our duty to report unethical conduct.
> 
> That brings me back to this forum  . Please read our posting guidelines. This forum is open to the general public, and there is no guarantee about what anyone here might say. Please be respectful of others, regardless of how different your views are.
> 
> Thank you for visiting my site.
> 
> 
> Chris Hartwell


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## springgirl

Hi 
I'm new here, been lurking for ages and just felt like saying hello. I have found this site both a comfort and an inspiration at times. 
Reading posts about the pain of discovering cheating I find most heart rending and reading posts about stories of recovery and rediscovery of love heart warming. I am married and find that throughout everything, everything, all the hardest times, times when I felt like closing down and not letting anything hurt me, the most important thing is to keep the communication lines open (I know it's been said before). Talk, touch and sometimes even shout and scream and basically honor the commitment to do whatever it takes to keep the passion and the love alive. If you're going to keep something to yourself only do it until you can recompose yourself. If an issue is important enough DO get it out in the open even if it is painful. Take time to examine yourself, and ask yourself regularly when an issue comes up, "How important is this to me?". Leave stuff until you are clear where you are _really _coming from. Sometimes I find we can communicate a feeling or an idea and it gets jumbled message across because our feelings are jumbled and we don't know what we really need, talk about it, get it clear what you are really looking for. Is the issue really to do with your partner or are you tired or stressed or hungry and taking your mood out on your nearest and dearest. Are you bored or unhappy with yourself, what do you need, what can you do for yourself? I don't know, I am probably not the best person to give advice. I just wanted to share with you the stuff that made the glue that has helped us to connect and stay together through the hard stuff.


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## Chris H.

Welcome Springgirl! Glad you finally posted!


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## twoplusthree

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say 'hi'. So, hi. I've never posted on a forum like this, so I'm a little nervous about it. 

I've been married for seven years and we have three children (6, 5, and 2). Our eldest is seriously ill (she has a 30% chance of survival). I'm having a little trouble keeping my family together as this situation has really highlighted the different approaches my husband and I have to parenting (of course I realise this is not the best time to be making big decisions).

It's nice to find somewhere to talk to people who aren't directly involved.

Thank you.


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## CallaLily

Hello, newbie here! Glad to be here, hope everyone is having a good day!


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## Chris H.

Welcome!


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## jojo1971

Hi am new to this site and I completely unhappy in my marriage but have kept my unhappiness to myself for the sake of my children and i am also financially tied (for the time being) so found this site in the hope that it may be of some help to me


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## txlutz

I am a 44 year old married woman with 6 children. My husband and I have struggled through 9 years. Happiness has been lost a long time ago. I am not blaming him for all, however, I have been begging him to listen to me for at least 5 years. I have been distant and feeling trapped. I am a stay home mother who has gotten a college degree. He is a hard worker and good father, our children range from 24-6 year old twins. 4 still living at home. For awhile now, I haven't felt physical attraction . For a long time intimacy has felt like part of my duties. Recently I have fallen in love with a woman. I need help badly.


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## honeysuckle04

Hello,
Im a newbie so I thought introductions were a good place to start.
I look forward to learning and offering help where and if I can.
Thanks!


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## Chris H.

txlutz, you should start a new thread in the "General Relationship Discussion" section, and you will probably get plently of feedback there.

Welcome to TAM! You to, honeysuckle04!


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## Socal Mommy

Hi all, I am a newbie. I wish I had found this site a year ago. I have been married almost 10 years and found out with proof a year ago my husband had strayed. It has been a rough year.


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## shack

hello all am new to this forum just registered i am having probbs with my new wife, i moved to indonesia from england to marry the woman of my dreams and it turns out shes mardy mizzarable and controlling.. i have been married nearly 2 months and we argue nearly everyday even on our honeymoon to bali we was arguing,i want to go back to england asap!! but i cant just run its not nice,living at parents house and got no money left feels bad so am going bk to uk soon she wants to come too but doesnt want a british passport which is silly, we dont agree on hardly anything and its all bcuz of me we argue or cuz she thinks she is always right am 25 shes 24me and my bro ,i got a business in uk and she wants me to forget about it and stay in indonesia which i think is throwing my achievments away,and she says divorce in anger she gets angry and mardy very easy is v depressing i dont like mosqitoes either am kind of stranded here : ( am so stressed i dont know what to do, i went to pchsycoligst with her and that doesnt seem to work and she wont let me do things i enjoy like pc games and other stuff she says am wrong shes right and its all my fault $aybe it is i dont know she knew i wasnt perfect b4 she married me.i am easy going she isnt i dont get angry she does and she hits me doesnt hurt but still she shouldnt do that i dont hit her!! i dont know...
well any free advice would be much appreciated thankyou for your time : )


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## niCKy.blue_Eyes

*Re: Hello i'm new*

just wanna say hello!
i'm curious about marriage so i hope i will find some info here.

grtz:smthumbup:


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## takeactionnow

To Twoplusthree...
In the past I have found the little things are important. What I mean is to take time to spend with your younger ones. They need both of your attention. Sometimes with serious illness or death all the emphasis is placed here; the others are pushed aside. Just 5 or 10 special minutes a day each to read a story or take a walk can do it.


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## carebear11

Hello Talk About Marriage fellow members! I just came across the site in search of some material to help my marriage. My name is April - been married for 6 years - and we have a 3 year old little man. He is my world. I am having some issues with my marriage and hope this site allows me to vent, get advice, and see the light at the end of the tunnel.


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## Chris H.

Glad you found the site carebear11!


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## Warbaby

Been on and off this site a few times, never really explained what I am doing here. 
Married for 12 years, have a 10 and 5 year old. Our communication is broken... marriage on life support, we carry on like roomates who have common interest for our childen. She has stated on more than one occasion that she has thought about divorce. I am quickly coming to the point where I dont care. 
I absolutly have my own faults, but I have never hit her, cheated, etc, but latley I day dream that she does leave me. Magically, with no wish for child/alimony suport as I keep the kids, house, etc. (Its my dream let me have it!) I know that isnt healthy. So I keep looking through these threads for answers , suggestions, makes me feel more normal to know others have problems. Thanks to everyone who puts in so much time helping others with thought provoking responses to their problems.


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## cutecarrie09

Warbaby, communication is the biggest problem I have in my marriage. That's why I'm here. It is so hard. I can tell you from my point of view I wish my husband would just sit down with me and tell me how he feels. Good or bad I just want to know. Even if he told me he was through with the marriage it would be better than how we are living now. At least then we could move forward. I hear alot of people say men are not talkers and they keep things bottled up but if my husband would talk to me more I think we could resolve some issues. Maybe you should try having a heart to heart. Couldn't hurt. Don't feel bad though, I have had that thought of my husband magiclly disappearing too...lol I feel bad about it but it does cross my mind. No red tape, just poof... I wish you luck with your wife and family.


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## Ready2work

Hello, I'm new here and just wanted to introduce myself.

I'm a 25 year old female. Me and the fiance have been together 6 years, engaged for 1. We recently moved together and that has brought out some nasty issues we have. So i'm here to learn and offer any advice I can.


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## Same Boat

Hi all,

I'm a 46 year old man, married for 15 years with two teenage kids. 
Hanging on, but feel its time to move on. 
This is a great site to read that you are in the "same boat" as many others.

Peace and Love


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## Haniel

Hi all.

Im a 41 year old mother of 3 have been married for 11 years and together for 16 going through a rocky patch and having a having a few issues, this thread looks great cant wait to chat with like minded people .

Love and light 2 all


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## zonieredhead

Hopefully I can figure out how to use this site!! I am having an issue in my marriage and it's one I definitely feel I need feedback on. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone close to me I feel I can talk about this to. So, I decided I will try this direction!! And now I will go post a thread (is that correct?) and start working through the issue with insight from others. Thanks!!


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## HolyCow

Hello,

I am new here. This looks like just the place I've been looking for! Hubby and I have hit a really rather rough spot in our marriage, and I don't believe in involving family and friends in our marriage and problems...hence, not really having anyone to talk to.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop and say "Hi".


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## Chris H.

Welcome to all you new guys and gals! I hope you get something out of the site!


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## mom321

How do I post my own problems to see if others can relate or give advice? I am new to this


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## bunnyhun

Chris H. said:


> Welcome to *Talk About Marriage*.
> 
> *Talk About Marriage* is a forum to discuss marriage and relationships. Here, we interpret the word "marriage" loosely, recognizing that many different people from different cultures view marriage differently.
> 
> I started Talk About Marriage because I know that there are a ton of people out there looking for help and support in their relationships. Talk About Marriage provides a unique opportunity for people to anonymously post and provide feedback to others about their relationships. There is no cost for using this website; it is entirely supported by advertising and it's parent site, The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory.
> 
> The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory has been one of the top sites in the search engines for "Marriage Counseling" and "Family Counseling" since 2003. Because of this, I am aware of the masses of people that are searching for help on the internet. Based on some rough statistics, I can estimate that about a half million visitors came to the site this past year.
> 
> Talk About Marriage is designed to be a community forum for those interested in talking to others about their relationships, but perhaps not ready to take the extra step to get professional help. Be aware that there are professionals available for relationship help all around the world, and The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory is just a small sample of therapists who have chosen to advertise.
> 
> The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy has a service called Therapist Locator, which lists trained marriage and family therapists in the US, Canada, and Overseas.
> 
> The American Psychological Association also has a referral service called the APA Help Center.
> 
> In addition, the Open Directory Project has a category full of other mental health counseling directories. And there are advertisers on this site who provide professional services as well.
> 
> As you can see, I am partial to professional help. One reason being, that I have a post-graduate degree in Social Work, and I believe it to be a worthy field with impeccable values. The other reason I am partial to professional help, is that I've done my own work in different forms of therapy for many years, and I've found it to be an incredible life-enriching process that has helped me to become a good husband and father. Therapy has a way of helping me see things I wouldn't normally see, and learn things about myself that I might never have learned.
> 
> Of course, I've heard all of the horror stories about therapists out there who "did this" or "said that!" I'm very fortunate that the one's I've spent time with have been well-trained and ethical. People should be aware that every state has licensing bodies who are there to deal with unethical behavior, and it is our duty to report unethical conduct.
> 
> That brings me back to this forum  . Please read our posting guidelines. This forum is open to the general public, and there is no guarantee about what anyone here might say. Please be respectful of others, regardless of how different your views are.
> 
> Thank you for visiting my site.
> 
> 
> Chris Hartwell


hi can you help pls how do you


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## bunnyhun

hi i am arguing with my hubby all the time


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## swedish

Welcome Mom321 & Bunnyhun!

To start a new thread, click on the 'Navigation >> Talk About Marriage' link at the top of this page. If there is a forum specific to your situation, click the forum link, otherwise click the 'General Relationship Discussion' Link. Once there, click the blue 'New Thread' button at the top left portion of the page.


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## marky

Hi everyone! I just joined. I'm hoping to help and maybe learn a couple things!


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## Chris H.

Cool, welcome marky.


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## code7600

New user here - I wish I'd found some counsel like this web site
or a good counselor when I got divorced decades ago. My
wife's EA progressed to a PA on a business trip, and I was clueless.
Not a walkaway wife, more a sprint. Now I want to keep
my 2nd marriage (of 31 yrs) healthy. There are many sobering stories here.


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## icedude

Hello there!


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## TAM curious

I have been reading threads on this board for about a month and decided to join. Great topics here. I am married with 3 kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## topbanana

Hi! I've been reading these boards for a while now. I'm getting married in 4 months. My parents marriage was a complete and utter mess and I'm trying to learn/get help for my own, as I'm determined not to follow their footsteps. We both consider divorce an absolute no-go. We've had a couple of counselling sessions just for tips and advice, and we're going through a marriage prep book but I guess it's always helpful to have this forum as an option 

I'm young, inexperienced and probably don't have any good advice but I'll do my best to give what I can to the people here.


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## 827Aug

Glad all you newcomers found TAM....and welcome.


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## Christina Garabedian

Hello everyone!

I think this site is fabulous. I was in an out of one rocky relationship after another and unfortunately married one of them who is now my ex of course. I've witnessed horrific abuse to family members in bad situations and noticed I was falling into the same cycle they were. I decided to stop the cycle and focus on myself for once. Over a period of many years I found my self worth and when I wasn't looking found the man of my dreams. I'm here for those who may have been in my situation previously and just need someone to talk with. I have volunteered at the local crisis line in my area and feel that I have a passion for what I do. Glad to be a part of this site!


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## TheFamilyMan

Hello, my name is Matt, I’m a single father, have been for a few years now. I’m a very proud father of 2 girls (14 & 12) and 1 boy (13). I joined this forum because I find myself wishing I had a second opinion or some kind of help in certain situations, especially with my girls, where I’m not 100% sure on how to handle them. Hopefully this community can shine some light on my challenges. I really look forward to getting different perspectives especially from moms out there!


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## asiandove

hi im an asian female about to be married in 3months time. been following this forum for a while now and decided to hop in. i believe with all our differences and opinions shared, we are able to enlighten and help each other, one way or another.
will share more in the other thread!


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## Bethany

Hi all

I am enduring marriage issues and feel it may not get any better so am thinking about leaving him. Only I am 24 weeks pregnant & have no idea where I would live, my parents are out the country but I hate feeling so upset all the time and regret having married him now, as I ws aware of this issues that are upsetting me now. And don't want to bring a child into an unhappy setting.


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## thunderbolt64

Found this site this morning, for some help, and have read some of the posts. i to hope i can find out what is going on and what i should look out for now.......
2nd wife of 21 years. something has changed alot in the last couple years....and i am hoping maybe i can find out why, is it really me or soemthing else......


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## myrileybug21

hi i just found this sire, n signe dup.. im in desperate need of some advice, my husbands family wants to always seperate.. they have made it very clear that im not just not invited to things, but actually not welcomed... n my husband does nothing, they now think ima controlling wife, n a "witch" (the nice term) his brother snubbs me in public, he does nothing, his mother talks about aroudn town like at her work, which is also my bank, so when i go in there... if looks could kill.. well i would be dead, he says nothing unless i get really mad, n push him to, his dad just recently called n expected to take him out the night of his b- day to dinner n a movie, that again i was not welcome to attend.. n my husbands seems to thinkt his is all ok, until either one of our friends says nope, or my family gets invovled.. its been 2 years now, n everytime he says he wills tick up for me, he doesnt n they get away with everthing... i have so much resentment towards him.. i havent been able to sleep with himf or over 2 weeks, coz he just keeps makin g the same mistakes allthe time, evertime his family comes around we fall aprt... what do i do??


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## Chris H.

Welcome to TAM 

You should start a new thread in the general relationship section in order to get good responses to your problems you mention. The "welcome" thread doesn't get viewed as much.


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