# Initiation, women/men's pov?



## perspective2 (Jun 4, 2014)

I read a lot about men wanting their wives to initiate. I am wondering if this is a new thing since they got married or their wives initiated before and now don't? I never had initiate before marriage, guy was always good to go. I was receptive but not the initiator. Now get complaints I don't initiate. Maybe some of your wives are same way. That is not something I ever had to do so not comfortable with it and it does feel like when you go from a guy who never needed to wait around for the woman to initiate to now he needs the wife to like you have gone down in desirability scale. Which is in itself a turnoff. Make sense?


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I think it comes down to rejection vs. initiation. If you are rejecting him a lot and didn't in the past, he is expecting initiation to show that he is still wanted. 

That was my case, before I started MMSLP. Now I know better.

If you want to initiate, don't be subtle. that isn't viewed as initiating.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

People change. You feel desired when your husband initiates. Why is it difficult to accept that he feels the same when YOU initiate? Is it really so terrible?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tell us more. Do you have a satisfying sex life in general? What exactly did he say about initiation?


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Ouch...! What if we bump heads in the night because we both initiate at the same time.

It never matters who initiates, as long as someone does. Start a game maybe. See who initiates first most over a week. Put some top spin on what you might see is an issue. Have a reward worked out for the winner. Prize: Anything the winner wants...

Have some fun! Life's not that hard. Be creative..!

-- Most all guys love it if you show some initiative in bed.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

naiveonedave said:


> I think it comes down to rejection vs. initiation. If you are rejecting him a lot and didn't in the past, he is expecting initiation to show that he is still wanted.
> 
> That was my case, before I started MMSLP. Now I know better.
> 
> If you want to initiate, don't be subtle. that isn't viewed as initiating.


This. Along the same line of thought, he may not initiate because he doesn't want to get rejected, if indeed he is being rejected. It can be less painful to not ask and have no sex than to try and fail.


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## Fun_One (May 28, 2014)

When someone initiates, that is sending a message that they want to have sex with you. When someone never initiates...

Oh, all right. I guess so. Take of your boxers and <yawn>, let's get this over with...


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I used to initiate but was often rejected. Rejection hurts. So the less I initiated the less often I got hurt.

Now I don't initiate atall and guess what?...Yup, don't get hurt!
Wife doesn't initiate either - never has done.

Have completely lost all interest in sex with her and virtually with sex altogether.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I have always been the one who tended to initiate.

After a lot of rejection I stopped. So the sex stopped. He just wasn't all that interested. The marriage nearly ended.

We are working things out but I still have to do the majority of the initiating. That's OK so long as the rejection doesn't come back.

I'd be interested to know whether the OP has rejected, resulting in her husband having some insecurity.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Men's primary love need is expressed through sex. Maybe he's feeling unloved? Is life feeling crazy, chores, projects, kids?

I'm a proponent of MMSLP. I believe it's a mans job to "lead" the sex life of the marriage. So what's going on in his life that may be frustrating him, bills, out of shape, job, play time?

Oh and here's how you initiate: take clothes off. Wave.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How hard is it to initiate???

Before he leaves for work in the morning tell him that you need to get f***ed tonight. Leave it as that. He'll get the hint.

If it's more of a spontaneous thing, give him a hug and kiss and let your hands wander.

If you want sex, go for it. If he rejects, keep trying another day. You don't want to get to a point where you complain about lack of sex and he comes back with "you never told me you wanted to have sex."


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

perspective2 said:


> I read a lot about men wanting their wives to initiate. I am wondering if this is a new thing since they got married or their wives initiated before and now don't? I never had initiate before marriage, guy was always good to go. I was receptive but not the initiator. Now get complaints I don't initiate. Maybe some of your wives are same way. That is not something I ever had to do so not comfortable with it and it does feel like when you go from a guy who never needed to wait around for the woman to initiate to now he needs the wife to like you have gone down in desirability scale. Which is in itself a turnoff. Make sense?


A high-T guy is going to want to initiate. He's going to want sex and he's going to do the octopus dance until her clothes are put down as he fights through a light resistance to penetrate.

I'm not sure about all these guys wanting to lay back until the wife initiates.

One thing about wife initiation is it is good to feel desired and feel her lust to have it, but in real life it won't be the most common way of ending up with sex.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Men I think have paranoia about women.
We've heard of so many women faking it that we're insecure.

Add to that the fact that women don't generally ejaculate like men so there's no 'proof in the pudding'.
So even though a woman will tell us that she got off or that it was good, our paranoia grips us.

Even my own wife will tell me constantly how good it is and often begs for more, but when I ask her straight out if she orgasmed, she will say "i'm not sure". The I ask her to reassure me that it feels good and she's not frustrated and she will say "absolutely yes!"
She's told me several times that she only orgasmed once with her ex of 18 years.

See the paranoia?

Consquently, the only way we men are assured that we are satisfying our wives if if they keep coming back for more.

Hence, it is very reassuring for men for the wife to initiate and it's a sort of validation.

I happen to be lucky after going through a sexless marriage previously for 3 years. My current wife is high drive and wants it a lot and speaks about the day when we are retired and "we can do it every day!"

Oh, oh. Careful what you wish for.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> Men I think have paranoia about women.
> We've heard of so many women faking it that we're insecure.
> 
> Add to that the fact that women don't generally ejaculate like men so there's no 'proof in the pudding'.
> ...


Did the old wife mess up your sex drive? Did the new wife fix it? I would do whatever I have to do to get my T levels, my confidence levels and my sex drive raised back to peak levels and enjoy having sex for the rest of my living life.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I was never high drive even as a young guy, so I don't think it's a T issue. We currently do the wild thing 3-4 times a week, so I'm not concerned about that yet. But as I reach old age, I know performance will become an issue. So far not.

No, I don't think the ex screwed my drive because as I say, 3-4 times a week I think is ok.

But I'm, trying to guess more generally about men rather than just me. Why men want the wife to initiate I mean when we want sex too. I'm guessing as I said before, it's a form of validation that we are pleasing our wives when they want more. Then we know.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

treyvion said:


> A high-T guy is going to want to initiate. He's going to want sex and he's going to do the octopus dance until her clothes are put down as he fights through a light resistance to penetrate.
> 
> I'm not sure about all these guys wanting to lay back until the wife initiates.
> 
> One thing about wife initiation is it is good to feel desired and feel her lust to have it, but in real life it won't be the most common way of ending up with sex.


As the man in the relationship, I agree, I do want to do the majority of the initiating. I think the problem comes in if the man is doing all or nearly all of the initiating. Once in a while you want to have your wife grab you by the balls and say "Pound me through the mattress."


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

on the surface, a wife "initiating" sex should not mater.

But if she DOES initiate, it is "proof positive" that she is horny and WANTS sex with you. THAT is VERY re-assuring to a guy. He does not mind initiating most of the time, but then he gets the nagging thought in his mind "is she just doing this as an obligation, or does she really LIKE having sex with me?" Her initiating pours water all over spurious thoughts like that.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Even though my husband and I have been together for 30+ years AND I know he loves it when I do initiate, I still have to give myself a little pep talk beforehand. It's like talking myself out of being a "good girl" or what is he going to think of me being too forward. Stupid, I know.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> Even though my husband and I have been together for 30+ years AND I know he loves it when I do initiate, I still have to give myself a little pep talk beforehand. It's like talking myself out of being a "good girl" or what is he going to think of me being too forward. *Stupid, I know*.


Yep


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> on the surface, a wife "initiating" sex should not mater.
> 
> But if she DOES initiate, it is "proof positive" that she is horny and WANTS sex with you. THAT is VERY re-assuring to a guy. He does not mind initiating most of the time, but then he gets the nagging thought in his mind "is she just doing this as an obligation, or does she really LIKE having sex with me?" *Her initiating pours water all over spurious thoughts like that*.


:iagree:

I used to initiate a lot. After years of problems--sometime it would be outright rejection for months on end, sometimes just barely concealed disinterest coupled with her extremely infrequently initiating, I now find it very difficult to motivate myself to initiate.

It's not even that I fear rejection as much anymore. That's actually gotten better. It's that I really just don't get the sense that she cares one way or the other.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

I think the implication is pretty clear: If you wife initiates sex, unless you just had an unfortunate accident with a farm harvester....you had damn well better hop in the sack with her. Lest she NEVER do it again! :rofl:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I think for me it's a lot about variety. Not interested in wed night sex.... one position...I'll initiate type sex life. Why can't you get a bj or wild sex in the living room? At 10 am on a Saturday morning?

I love to initiate but my GF has often as well. Even when I wasn't particularly in the mood she will start touching and flirting to get me there then do what she likes lol. I couldn't live with just one or the other need to change up. And I love feeling desired. I guess If I initiated every time I would start to wonder if she was only having sex out of some sense of obligation.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

I don't need to be needed. I am self sufficient, and I would hope my wife is as well. I lived before her, and if it ever came to it, I would live after her as well. I don't need to be needed. I do need to be wanted. I've been married for going on 11 years. I'm still in lust with my wife. I need her to still be in lust with me.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Bottom line for me is my wife usually initiates during the week when we have time just because she's high drive. That's the way she is. She starts playing with me and gets me hard, so I know it's time.

On the weekends is usually when I initiate. I keep track of how many times we do, because I don't want it to get away from me.

I try to make sure we are fairly regular and I do believe it's the husbandly duty to see that your wife (especially HD) is being satisfied with some regularity.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> Bottom line for me is my wife usually initiates during the week when we have time just because she's high drive. That's the way she is. She starts playing with me and gets me hard, so I know it's time.
> 
> On the weekends is usually when I initiate. I keep track of how many times we do, because I don't want it to get away from me.
> 
> I try to make sure we are fairly regular and I do believe it's the husbandly duty to see that your wife (especially HD) is being satisfied with some regularity.


Very wise of you intiating on the weekends to keep your sex drive up. You definitely don't want to be fighting a deflated sex drive trying to figure out where it went and how to get it back.


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## Mummy3 (Jun 6, 2014)

I could complain for a whole page on this but my guy has underlying issues (not physical) so best to keep my mouth shut till they're fixed I think.


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