# Need tips to keep fire burning



## 66impala (Aug 28, 2013)

Hello all, I need some advice to keep the fire burning in our relationship. I need this from a woman's perspective. 

Some background, I'm married to my high school sweetheart, easiest way to describe her is, Cinderella (in a good way). I think she lights up the room when she walks into it. Most people also think she is very nice. We have three children, 23,18,16. Our kids are very typical of most kids today, cell phones, video games, not sure of what they want to be, and somewhat lazy.

We have different interests, doesnt mean its bad just different. Im hot and she is cold. I like talk radio, she likes Pintrist. Im proactive she is reactive. Im a alpha cave man, she is a princess. 

How can I keep conversation fresh and upbeat with my wife? After 23 yrs of marriage you know asking the same questions gets boring, how was work, hows your mom doing ect. which at some point always leads back to bills or some drama. 

We do alot of dating but I think my wife takes if for granted because we do so much, that it has become the norm. 

So any input on what a woman needs in a long term relationship from her husband would be appreciated.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My husband is interested in me and makes his interest known. It is hard to explain. It is different than just asking questions about me or having conversation about our interests. I, myself as a person, interest him.

Ways that I know this are:

*He pays attention to me, to my comings and goings, to who I keep as friends, to my hobbies, but also to my hopes, dreams, and fears

*He remembers things about me that he learned by paying such close attention, and uses those things he knows about me in ways like buying small gifts or books for me that are relevant to my life

*He respects me and my choices, he thinks I am funny and intelligent, and the way he treats me and converses with me shows this respect

....

You mentioned your wife is a "princess", and "Cinderella (in a good way)". I know you are saying this to compliment her...but the way it is coming across (to me, on this one post only, so I could be way off) is that you are using the term "princess" to mean that she doesn't have that much substance to her life. You like talk radio and she likes Pintrist sounds like "I like things that are important, she likes things that are fluffy".

I don't know if that is what you meant or not, but since I am reading it between the lines, it is possible your wife does, too. If I'm off base, sorry.

Intimate and interesting conversation is important to me. I don't know if it is to your wife or not though so maybe it is only you that wants it and not her, is that a possibility?


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

How's the sex going?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Red_Riding_Hood (Apr 28, 2010)

Maybe you could join Pinterest and scope out her Pinterest page. See what types of things she is pinning, maybe there are some places she'd like to go or some fun things she'd like to try that she's never mentioned. 

Maybe it's just me but I would love it if my husband surprised with something I pinned on Pinterest. There are a lot of projects and date ideas and things like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Moulin (Jul 30, 2013)

Date her - spend one on one time focused just on each other. No cell phones, no laptops. Talk about things happening in each of your lives. LISTEN to her and empathize without trying to solve the problembs.

Non-sexual touch: Rub her shoulders, hold her hand, curl up with her.

Find some common activities or fun things to do together. My husband surprised me with horseback riding and line dance classes. It was funny but we had a blast together.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Try a new activity together. Something that you can do together and learn together. My H introduced me to hunting. It's something we both look forward to and get excited about, it doesn't happen all year, so it's a fresh new experience when fall hits. Plus I think he enjoyed teaching me all about guns, shooting, targets, stance, tracking... Etc. 

My parents travel as a way to include excitement in their lives. New places, languages and culture can make great conversation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

66impala said:


> How can I keep conversation fresh and upbeat with my wife? After 23 yrs of marriage you know asking the same questions gets boring, how was work, hows your mom doing ect. which at some point always leads back to bills or some drama.


 If a couple is not connecting at a DEEP level...these questions can become Boring.....mundane... but in our answering brings the LIFE, the enthusiasm, our sense of humor out.. I don't find these questions boring in my own marriage...not that I ask them the same way.. actually I don't even need to ask about his work generally... he knows I am interested...so if something was a bit crazy, maddening, humorous, he just SPILLS is when he gets home... many laughs ....this so often leads to another conversation, he'll even ask me what I learned on the forum... and we'll discuss perspectives... we don't get bored... even if this sounds boring. 

If talking always leads to BILLS...she must feel stressed about the financial...this needing some attention... to come up with a workable plan / a budget to tackle these stressors ...which could benefit the family, uplifting her spirits here...to concentrate on other things.



> We do alot of dating but I think *my wife takes if for granted because we do so much, that it has become the norm.*


 Sounds your wife has taken you for granted...you feel it on a daily basis.....
*Apathy has entered your marriage * to some degree....... now you have to fight to overcome this...

I allowed some of this in our marriage yrs ago, I was too into our kids, he'd come home I'd be on some silly message board, not even really caring..Just doing MY OWN THING... it was never too bad.. we were always close and communicated, but I allowed some of the  to go out... it can just creep up on you.. not paying enough attention, appreciating the little things in life...nurturing our relationship daily...getting caught up in our own interests....

So if you find the laughter in the home waning....the enthusiasm for each other...the







's automatic...the sex the same old, same old.....you will need to do some Jump starting... GET CREATIVE.......Do something NEW.... Surprise her... you can pick up a book like this (for the communication end)...to jump start some intimacy questions ....

Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be:  

A little about Apathy here... you may not be to this point... by keeping those fires stoked, you can avoid this ... A is for Apathy: What Happens when You Don't Care Anymore?  



> Apathy, unconcern, indifference, lack of interest, lack of emotion. It's what creeps into the marriage when one or both spouses aren't watchful.
> 
> *§* It happens when they allow the fire for each other to go out.
> 
> ...


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