# help with a lying husband



## LexiStyle (Oct 29, 2015)

I hopped on my husbands Facebook the other day when my phone died and I wanted to see what our families have posted from that day in Disney. 

A strange woman's name came up as a recent search so out of curiosity I clicked on it and saw that he sent her a message at 1am on a Saturday night. After asking him he flipped out and wouldn't talk to me. 

After he calmed down we found out it was the same night he was at a bachelor party he claims he doesn't know and that someone must of took his phone. From what I see he sent her the friend request and then sent her the message. I was pregnant at the time. He has turned this around on me being paranoid and that I am making up a story but not quite sure this could accidentally happen or even more unbelievable that a friend did it. 

We are in marriage counseling so there are a lot of other issues including his depression and the inability to be a good husband and father for the first couple of years and now this. 

The marriage counselor said if I found out he was lying would it be worse now that he has been lying...uh of course. I know I am being lied too but have no idea what to do. I can't even look at him right now I am putting on a face in front of my kids but this is so difficult because this isn't the first time he has lied to me (not about a woman but about not coming home from work and going out with his friends) 

I really feel like we need to separate and continue counseling apart at the moment. Does anyone have any experience in this is it worth it to try and make the marriage work? Or I'd love any advice on how to regain trust when you've been constantly lied to and get no answers.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

What did the facebook message say?

Have you researched the womans name? Does she work with him? Old GF? Friend of a friend? Whats the connection?


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## LexiStyle (Oct 29, 2015)

shes mutual friends with the guys whose bachelor party it was that night. he claims he has no clue who she is. in his email it says she accepted his friend request and the message says hey hey hey. nothing crazy this is just a whole lot of lies so i dont know what to think of it. this isnt the breaking point of our relationship its just one thing on top of the other its just the most recent.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you checked his phone records to see if there's an odd number used a lot?


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## LexiStyle (Oct 29, 2015)

my husband is in sales it is near impossible to go through his phone records i would drive myself nuts he has so many random phone calls throughout the day.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then I'd just get hold of her and tell her to stay away. See what he does.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Take a note of her name and monitor her FB page and mutual friends, do not confront as you do not have any real evidence, for now lie low and observe and record down any information, you may be able to connect the dots later.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

LexiStyle said:


> I really feel like we need to separate and continue counseling apart at the moment. Does anyone have any experience in this is it worth it to try and make the marriage work? Or I'd love any advice on how to regain trust when you've been constantly lied to and get no answers.


Separating with small children? If you can avoid that, please try. 

I don't think you can necessarily regain 100% trust, but you cannot assume he is cheating based on the information he provided. Men often clam up when they feel accused. It's a childlike reaction. Maybe his friends did prank him and send the request. For the time being, just monitor as everyone else has said and don't jump to conclusions.

If your H is willing to go to marriage counseling, that's already very, very positive.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

I would try to see what the facebook message said. You have no idea if it was innocent or not unless you see the content of the message. Although, messaging a woman in the odd hours like that is a little suspicious. Ask him not to talk to her again, get access to his phone and email accounts too so he can build trust back up with you and continue counseling. If this will not work then separating for a while may be okay but for now try to live as roommates so the kids don't get upset.


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