# Book Suggestions while going through divorce?



## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

I am a 27 year old male going through a divorce, its been an emotional roller coaster for me so far. Having a hard time letting go, not neccesarily of my wife but the past we had (before it got bad) and our future I thought we would have. I have identified some of the problems I had in the marriage such as abandonment issues like needy and lack of trust. Had hard time opening up about my feelings, hard time communicating about deeper things going on etc. Now I know my wife played a part in this for various reasons as she never understood why I was feeling a certain way and would belittle me but I still want to fix these problems. We have one child together (1.5 years old) but I have a great relationship with her and often have her more than my wife does so dont really need to read up on being a good father. What are some good books to read about finding yourself again as a man and creating a better life? Any good divorce books to help me get through this roller coaster of emotions? Also, want to read maybe some dating books so I have a better understanding of women. Any suggestions would be super helpful, thank you!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I think the book "Conscious Uncoupling" is very practical for those that want to have a civil dissolution of the relationship and potentially stay on good terms long term.

I don't really have any suggestions for finding yourself except maybe "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F^&*" or maybe "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

I've never really read a dating or female psychology book or whatever. If you do get into another relationship "Mating in Captivity" could be useful for maintaining an existing relationship.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Rational Male by Tomassi. He also has some online articles you can read. Helped me out a lot after my divorce.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

MattOly94 said:


> I am a 27 year old male going through a divorce, its been an emotional roller coaster for me so far. Having a hard time letting go, not neccesarily of my wife but the past we had (before it got bad) and our future I thought we would have. I have identified some of the problems I had in the marriage such as abandonment issues like needy and lack of trust. Had hard time opening up about my feelings, hard time communicating about deeper things going on etc. Now I know my wife played a part in this for various reasons as she never understood why I was feeling a certain way and would belittle me but I still want to fix these problems. We have one child together (1.5 years old) but I have a great relationship with her and often have her more than my wife does so dont really need to read up on being a good father. What are some good books to read about finding yourself again as a man and creating a better life? Any good divorce books to help me get through this roller coaster of emotions? Also, want to read maybe some dating books so I have a better understanding of women. Any suggestions would be super helpful, thank you!


Read up on books of the real nature of women, so you're a bit prepared for the next time.
The Rational male would be another one.


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Rational Male by Tomassi. He also has some online articles you can read. Helped me out a lot after my divorce.


Yes, I saw that online as well as No More Mr Nice Guy..sounds like it is about red pill and all women are out to get you and screw you over….just from what it sounds like. Is this true? I dont neccesarily hate my wife and therefore have such disgust for women so not 100% sure if I coulf handle reading these kind of books. I could be wrong though 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

MattOly94 said:


> Yes, I saw that online as well as No More Mr Nice Guy..sounds like it is about red pill and all women are out to get you and screw you over….just from what it sounds like. Is this true? I dont neccesarily hate my wife and therefore have such disgust for women so not 100% sure if I coulf handle reading these kind of books. I could be wrong though 🤷🏻‍♂️


It's not red pilling as much as it is just being honest in how women operate. Most women are not being evil, they just have drives that men should understand to navigate them better.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

MattOly94 said:


> Yes, I saw that online as well as No More Mr Nice Guy..sounds like it is about red pill and all women are out to get you and screw you over….just from what it sounds like. Is this true? I dont neccesarily hate my wife and therefore have such disgust for women so not 100% sure if I coulf handle reading these kind of books. I could be wrong though 🤷🏻‍♂️


I never got very far into No More Mr Nice Guy, I couldn't relate too much. Rational Male is not about hating women only exploring the gender differences and how to use them when dating to your advantage. From what you described, it sounds applicable. It's an entertaining read if nothing else. Maybe read some of his online articles or download the free sample on AMZN to see if it peaks your interest.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

MattOly94 said:


> Yes, I saw that online as well as No More Mr Nice Guy..sounds like it is about red pill and all women are out to get you and screw you over….just from what it sounds like. Is this true? I dont neccesarily hate my wife and therefore have such disgust for women so not 100% sure if I coulf handle reading these kind of books. I could be wrong though 🤷🏻‍♂️


There's a big difference between hate and uncomfortable truths. Guys like Rollo, Rich Cooper, are more about the uncomfortable truths about life.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattOly94 said:


> Yes, I saw that online as well as No More Mr Nice Guy..sounds like it is about red pill and all women are out to get you and screw you over….just from what it sounds like. Is this true? I dont neccesarily hate my wife and therefore have such disgust for women so not 100% sure if I coulf handle reading these kind of books. I could be wrong though 🤷🏻‍♂️


Please don't read books like that. They will turn you into a woman hater.
As we know everyone is different and just because one person acted badly and hurt us doesn't mean billions of others are the same.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Growing through divorce by Jim Smoke. 
Jim Smoke has counseled countless people who are divorced or going through a divorce. He has also written many books, some about dating and getting married again after a divorce.

He is a Christian but the principles are the same even if you aren't.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

You might have to narrow down what you are looking for. 

Are you looking for another relationship while just getting out of one? Not recommended.

Are you looking to mainly blow off steam and attract women without commitments? You know sex.

Are you not really interested in either and just want a recovery book? To emote and stuff.


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

No, not looking for a relationship at the moment. I know its crucial to heal and give myself some time no matter how bad I want to be with someone else. Just looking to better prepare myself for future relationships and really know how women operate so I can be more successful.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*@MattOly94 *

Plenty of reads in the men's section sticky. Self-improvement and relationships

Best


Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Please don't read books like that. They will turn you into a woman hater.
> As we know everyone is different and just because one person acted badly and hurt us doesn't mean billions of others are the same.


@Diana7 have you read these books?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Kaliber said:


> @Diana7 have you read these books?


I have heard then referred to many times here by people who seem to blame women for all their problems which is the opposite off how I try to live and that is by forgiveness.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I have heard then referred to many times here by people who seem to blame women for all their problems which is the opposite off how I try to live and that is by forgiveness.


They have also been referenced many times by people who are telling the guys to up their game and improve themselves. It's information, a tool. Just like an axe can be a tool or a weapon, it's up to the user.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I have heard then referred to many times here by people who seem to blame women for all their problems which is the opposite off how I try to live and that is by forgiveness.


You're hearing from people who were extremely hurt in relationships, because they sacrificed themselves without understanding how women work. These books just explain how women seem to work internally and using the information can help protect you from being unduly hurt or a doormat. Not every son grew up with a good father who knew how to deal with women. Many of them grew up in single parent households, with a mother who told them to sacrifice themselves if they wanted a relationship with a woman and all he ends up with is the shirt on his back while he sees her running off with Chad.


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

My take on "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is that it is essentially about overcoming co-dependence (addressed to men, from a man).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> You're hearing from people who were extremely hurt in relationships, because they sacrificed themselves without understanding how women work. These books just explain how women seem to work internally and using the information can help protect you from being unduly hurt or a doormat. Not every son grew up with a good father who knew how to deal with women. Many of them grew up in single parent households, with a mother who told them to sacrifice themselves if they wanted a relationship with a woman and all he ends up with is the shirt on his back while he sees her running off with Chad.


The thing is that women are all different from each other. There is no way you can generalise about how women work or how they will act. Same with men. 

My husband was cheated on, his way of dealing with it was choosing forgiveness and moving on. Much healthier. He never was bitter and never spoke badly of her. Had he not been this way I wouldnt have been interested in him.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> The thing is that women are all different from each other. There is no way you can generalise about how women work or how they will act. Same with men.
> 
> My husband was cheated on, his way of dealing with it was choosing forgiveness and moving on. Much healthier. He never was bitter and never spoke badly of her. Had he not been this way I wouldnt have been interested in him.


The books prevent a man from being hurt by the women who give in to their biological impulses. A smart woman will use her youthful beauty to not screw around with the Chads, but use it to try and bond with a good man that she can invest in for life. That's my opinion, but that seems to best serve her long-term self interest because good men want to mate for life. A women who goes with her biological drives seems to me to end up with men, in the long-term, who aren't willing to invest in her long-term. That's my observation of the whole thing.

It's not about being bitter, but protecting oneself from the worst of human beings. I say that for both sides.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> The thing is that women are all different from each other.


If that were true then marketing wouldn't be a thing. Are there variances, of course but as with many things it'd be a bell curve.


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

I just got the The Rationale Male today in the mail, excited to start reading it!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Hold On To Your N.U.T.'s by Dr. Wayne Levine. 

How do I know it will do you some good? Rule Number 1: Silence the little boy. 

You know who he is...the voice in your head that tells you that you aren't good enough, man enough, or that she is cheating on you, etc. Your inner little boy is the source of all of that nonsense. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Al_Bundy said:


> If that were true then marketing wouldn't be a thing. Are there variances, of course but as with many things it'd be a bell curve.


Marketing relies on many women wanting certain things and acting a certain way true. But countless women will not be like that.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

"No more mr nice guy" is absolutely NOT about hating women. The author is (I believe) happily married and speaks highly of women. It's about healing your urges to people-please and keep out of sight.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Grow a Pair by Larry Winget.


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