# Should I apologize for this ???



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I just learned that my mom (67) passed away this morning from her yearlong fight with cancer....

My ex-husband gave me a hug and asked me if I was ok and I said "No, I wish I could get comfort from somebody who loves me....like *really* loves me !!!"

It just all came up.....my parents have been together for 45 years.....they went through infertility (I'm adopted) and my moms health issues....but they stayed strong and loved each other no less through everything.....

And my ex divorces me because I've made debt and neglected working on a new career..... 

It all sucks soooooooooooo bad !!!!!!!!!

Should I apologize or do you think he understands I said it because I'm upset.....???

I didn't mean to say it, but I felt it at the moment.....


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## avenrandom (Sep 13, 2010)

rome2012 said:


> I just learned that my mom (67) passed away this morning from her yearlong fight with cancer....
> 
> My ex-husband gave me a hug and asked me if I was ok and I said "No, I wish I could get comfort from somebody who loves me....like *really* loves me !!!"
> 
> ...


While your posts are all over the place (emotions and location), this one is very telling Rome. My apologies in advance if it seems harsh.... I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, and that her passing was due to this illness. I certainly hope you find the comfort you deserve and desire. 

This type of comment is not uncommon for you towards your "(ex)husband", or us [See: quote from another thread from you... "Besides that my posts never attracted many answers (I guess it wasn't special enough)"]. These types of comments are indicative of someone who is not able to communicate in a healthy and mature manner. _If_ today was the only time I'd seen you type it, I'd have totally understood. However, it's simply a pattern. I guarantee these types of comments are something that will push your ex away from you further (obviously not physically)- the plea for attention is seen by us, and will be seen by him as well. To give my best shot at answering the question... why apologize for today? Your mother just passed! If he doesn't understand that, well then he's not this amazingly sweet, wonderful, and generous man you've stated he is (or at very least defended him on being). 

Still, I'm not totally surprised you are still dealing with this. What is upsetting to me is that you are unable to get away from the situation. Your roller-coaster is on an endless loop at the moment, and will not end until you take steps at coping, recovering, and moving forward with your life. You are still under the same roof, have had sex very recently, still are taking care of the children and the house, still trying to prove to HIM what you are worth... etc. etc.. To put it bluntly, why should he change a thing he is doing? You are making it so easy on him to live this life he is choosing, because you sit there and let it happen, constantly pining for his love and attention. You've been here long enough to see the advice that states "Pleading for someone to stay will only push them away" and yet it doesn't ever sound like you ever really stopped.  

The issues you stated (that he told you) ARE minor in the grand scheme of things, but guess what? That's his stated reasons for the divorce. You are reflecting, understanding how small these issues are compared to what COULD be happening in the marriage, and your next line is asking if you should apologize. STOP! -You just understood this man is turning what you see as minor into something that is now dictating your life and still you want to apologize to him. Stop worrying about him... worry about you and your children. Until you start there is no way you'll ever get anything different out of him.

As far as these forums go, I'd suggest if you want more feedback, to make a single thread that you update anytime you are posting in direct relation to your current situation. That way others can follow and give feedback knowing more about the situation as a whole, and less about one emotional new-thread after another.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

*Thanks for everything.....Good bye !!!!!*

I guess I do show a pattern....

I do make remarks like this.....

I do tend to speak then think....

He understood I was hurt when I made that comment...

I apologize for bothering all of you with my story and thank everyone for your advice.....

I got a lot of help from you.....a lot of eye openers.....

Thanks to all of you !!!!!!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Rome, he's got to know you are hurting and he's got to know you speak from the heart...I wouldn't worry about it...

Sorry for your loss...Take care of yourself and keep posting, that is why we are here...


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i am so sorry for your loss. i know how you are feeling. i would say no, there is nothing to be sorry about.

thats the beauty of divorce, yoou can speak your mind, and say true feelings.

he dosent get to feel like oh, that hurt my feelings....and if he does...tough.

loosing a parent is a hard and stressful time.....he knows you well enough by now to not take it to heart.

again sorry for your loss...big hugs.....


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

sorry for your loss.


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