# How to stop wanting sex



## fneghuang (Oct 31, 2016)

I know there have been similar topics before, and I've read a few of them, along with various articles and blogs, but in every case there seems to me to be a significantly different set of factors at play. Equally, although there has been plenty of talk of causes, blame and how to change the situation, I've yet to see the question really addressed.
Maybe I've just not read the right threads, or missed their point. Anyway ...

*The usual problem: *
My wife and I are at opposite ends of the libido specturm. It's not as bad as 0% vs 100%, but it's certainly 10% vs 90%. 
We don't have sex any more and I'm struggling to cope with that.

*The (mostly) usual factors:*
We've been together near 15yrs and married for nearly 10. We have a child. She has a busy execuive job. I do the lion's share of childcare and just about hold down a freelance career as well.
We have our problems (other than sex), but who doesn't?! We have a comfortable life.
For years our sex life was adequate - it was a long way from what I really wanted and at no point did I try to go beyond the bounds of what my previous partners would have described as very very normal - but we had a sex life and it was adequate. 
Over the last 4 years we have gone through 7 months without sex, then 9 months, then 7 months, and now we've not had sex for 10 months.
A few years ago we went to councilling. She avoided talking about sex, (she even commented away from our sessions that she wasn't she could talk to a stranger about sex) and whilst I tried to steer the conversation that way, neither she nor the counsellor picked up the batton. (Yes, we probably needed a better counsellor, but we didn't have one.)
On the rare occasions we've have had sex in the last few years, the sex itself has become stressful. For me, at least, it has become an albatross.

*The solution?*
I could go into more detailas - the how, the why - but I genuinly can't see anything being gained form that discussion. (This is an inernet forum, so I dare say discussion of _the how and the why_ will ensue regardless. I don't begrudge that, but I really can't see anything being gained from it.) 
For reasons not worth discussing, divorce is not a consideration.
We are where we are. We both know it.
We've had a go at fixing our sex life. We've failed.
It is not my place to try to change her, nor do I envisage a possible scenario where she would try to change herself.
My only reamaining conclusion is that I have to change.

Obviously I could go to my GP and request castration, either physical or chemical. I dare say that would solve the problem in some respects, but lets be honest, no GP is going to countenance that, and quite rightly so.
So I need to find a way to stop wanting sex. Because I'm just not going to get it.

*The question* (at last ;-) )
Has anyone with a high sex drive successfully _given up sex_? And if so, how?
(PS No offence to those who put value in such things, but finding God ain't gonna happen. Just sayin'.)


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

"I just about hold down a freelance career" = underemployed, at best.

Are you really THAT financially dependent on her (and her income from her executive job) that you need to cling to her like grim death and find a way to kill your sex drive in order to do it?

Seriously?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Find a GF or FWB.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Whenever you get the urge, apply a clothes pin to your sack, although, for some that might actually be considered foreplay :surprise:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

fneghuang said:


> *The question* (at last ;-) )
> Has anyone with a high sex drive successfully _given up sex_? And if so, how?


Giving up sex will just make you want it more. What you have to do is just make it extremely easy for your wife to please you.

Do NOT try to please her sexually unless she wants it, but DO teach her simple ways to please you that do not involve things that might make her uncomfortable. There are ways! Talk to her about this...

Odds are if you were very easy to please, she would find doing so to be a compliment to her beauty. 

Badsanta


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Find a GF or FWB.


I really do hope that you were being sarcastic with your post. Encouraging an OP to cheat on their spouse is the worst kind of advice, especially on TAM where the majority of spouses are betrayed spouses. :redcard:


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@fneghuang

Some anti-depressants have known side effects which include a drop in libido. It's an easy enough route if you choose to take it if you've exhausted all other options. However, I'm not sure you have based on the limited information you provided. 

Be specific.....aside from counseling, what have you tried to 'fix' the sexual incompatibility in your marriage?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I have 2 thoughts on the topic.
1) Even low drive persons don't like low drive partners. She probably likes the fact that you are interested in her sexually. Should you achieve a low drive state (and there are drugs that will do that) she will likely start flirting with you to make sure you are still interested in pursuing her. Of course if you respond, she will quickly cool off. At least that was the case with me.
2) I find spending less time near her to be the most effective non chemical method. Plan a lot of away from home events.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Why is divorce not an option?

Look, I don't know the full situation, but you're not happy, you're underemployed, and you're having sex once every calendar year or so (and it's stressful, at that). Can't blame anyone but yourself for those situations.

Why? Because you're still there. It may be your wife that's uninterested in things like sex, but that's her problem, that she's passing off on you.

That's no marriage.

Life is short. People get divorced. Things almost always work out for the best, eventually. World's don't come crashing down, people don't usually end up alone, living in a cardboard box. And believe it or not, people tend to come out these things better and happier.

Or you can accept your lot in life and carry on.

But you're here asking for advice so you haven't given up yet, despite what you're asking, so there's hope for you, yet.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

What cultures?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @fneghuang ~ this situation of yours is so very unnatural! This is not a marriage, it is greatly tantamount to living like roommates!

As is, you have every right to divorce her and I can see your rationale in staying in this unbearable relationship because she, as the primary breadwinner is in effect, your lifeline!

You need to redemand her active and unfettered participation in marriage and sexual counseling without equivocation! If she, in effect, fails to fully commit to that, then you have every right to pursue separation and divorce channels!

No married man, or woman, should ever be treated this way ~ or even allowed to treat their very own spouse that way! Just saying!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Yes, find a lover. Don't cheat. Be up front and let her know before hand.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Lila said:


> I really do hope that you were being sarcastic with your post.


No, I was not being sarcastic. I was offering OP practical or thought provoking advice, based on his " divorce is not a consideration" restriction.

1) Open the Marriage

If OP's wife is unwilling to fulfill her marital obligations, maybe she is amenable to OP getting his physical needs met elsewhere.

2) OP to evaluate potential to attract another woman.

OP should "prepare" to find a GF or FWB by taking inventory what he offers. If OP finds that his options are limited because of being (for example) overweight, out of shape, ungroomed, poor hygiene, low income, etc then fixing these might actually pay dividends with his wife and restart the sex life. Kinda like following the advice in MMSLP.

3) Find a partner.

If W is unwilling to have sex, because she no longer wants or needs him, (and he cannot divorce - he did not explain why) why should he suffer? Denying sex when one is in the stronger position is cruel and is cheating the spouse out of the marriage, as bad as the actions you refer to. This may be another situation in which the working wife is not attracted to the husband staying home to raise the kids. Now that wife has what she wants - powerful job, children, free child care, she just decides she has no further use for him and therefore no sex. IMO this is the situation. And it is possible that OP's wife has found herself a stronger man to meet her physical needs, one that would not consider castration as an option.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> No, I was not being sarcastic. I was offering OP practical or thought provoking advice, based on his " divorce is not a consideration" restriction.






blueinbr said:


> Open the Marriage
> 
> If OP's wife is unwilling to fulfill her marital obligations, maybe she is amenable to OP getting his physical needs met elsewhere.


I agree. This^^ is acceptable advice.




blueinbr said:


> 3) Find a partner.
> 
> If W is unwilling to have sex, because she no longer wants or needs him, (and he cannot divorce - he did not explain why) why should he suffer? Denying sex when one is in the stronger position is cruel and is cheating the spouse out of the marriage, as bad as the actions you refer to. This may be another situation in which the working wife is not attracted to the husband staying home to raise the kids. *Now that wife has what she wants - powerful job, children, free child care, she just decides she has no further use for him and therefore no sex. * IMO this is the situation.


I disagree with this. You are essentially telling him to cheat regardless of whether his wife agrees to an open marriage or not. 

It's called CAKE EATING if OP's wife is in fact his meal ticket, one which he's not willing to give up (divorce is not an option). It's the equivalent of telling a financially dependent SAHM to cheat on her husband instead of divorcing. It's not right. 

And for all of the talk the wife being cruel for denying him sex, well....two wrongs don't make a right. 



blueinbr said:


> And it is possible that OP's wife has found herself a stronger man to meet her physical needs, one that would not consider castration as an option.


Making things up to discredit the OP's wife in order to make it more acceptable to advise OP to Cheat is setting up his thread to go off the rails.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You can't do much, other than become much more resentful and angry, so that you don't want sex with her even if she initiates. Of course, there's a cost: the good parts of your relationship will also have to suffer to get to this perspective, and eventually she may leave you. Why do you think she has no interest in sex (with you)? It could be that she does not respect you as a man, since she is the primary earner and you are the primary child care person. Get a responsible, engaging, and demanding job outside the home, and see if that makes a difference in how she views you.

Aside from that, the only ethical option (other than divorce), is to ask for an open relationship.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> I have 2 thoughts on the topic.
> 1) Even low drive persons don't like low drive partners. She probably likes the fact that you are interested in her sexually. Should you achieve a low drive state (and there are drugs that will do that) she will likely start flirting with you to make sure you are still interested in pursuing her. Of course if you respond, she will quickly cool off. At least that was the case with me.
> *2) I find spending less time near her to be the most effective non chemical method. Plan a lot of away from home events*.


:iagree:
When we were in an in house separation, I found that staying busy and out of the house helped a lot.
Sleeping in another room helped too, and i'm not completely sure why. Avoiding pheromones? Sort of an out of sight, out of mind deal? But sleeping next to someone whom I knew was indifferent to my needs and happiness in many ways was bad, and removing myself helped.
I also avoided romance movies or novels, or those with a sexy scene, or any media really with loving romantic couples. Watching happy couples with a healthy desire for one another (holding hands, loving looks) expanded my dissatisfaction. Now that i'm out of the marriage, it doesn't bother me as much.
Yoga, meditation, exercise.

He did start asking about sex more often after i did these things, i'm not sure if he would have cooled off if i had responded. I suspect yes as well.


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## fneghuang (Oct 31, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt
I just about hold down a freelance career because I'm far to busy with childcare to put as much effort into my "job". 
I didn't say I was financially dependent upon my wife.
A different way to phrase "kill your sex drive" would be "sacrifice for the greater good".

blueinbr
I can see no reason nor long term benefit from getting a GF or FWB. And I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that my Wife would be wholy opposed to it. She'd be right too. I am neither overweight, out of shape, ungroomed, poor hygiene, low income. Some people even think I'm quite funny, and without exception my previous partners have said I was good in the sack. It's possible they were just trying to make me feel better about my itsy witsy teeny weeny yellow polkadot p***s, but that degree of _faking it_ must have been pretty tiring. So I have to conclude I'm probably a reasonably good catch. Jeez, even my self deprocating insecurities have managed to get me a GF in the past.
If you knew my wife, or indeed our domestic situation, I don't think you'd suggest she was palying away. It's not impossible, but it did make me laugh out loud.

EllisRedding
We can go down that route of conversation if you _really_ want, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't help. ;-)

badsanta
A key word in the question was _sucessfully_. If I could give up sex successfully, by definition I wouldn't want it more: it would have been successful.
I've tried pleasing her sexually. I've tried not pleasing her sexually. I tried not trying to please her sexually. She knows how to please me, and I can assure you I'm not complicated in that respect. As I siad, we are where we are, and as much as I'd like to entertian the thought that we are _fixable_, I think we are far beyond that.

Lila
Don't worry, I've seen the damage infidelity can do. I'm not going there!
I'd rather steer clear of antidepresents et al if I can avoid it. Though I'm starting to wonder wherehter artificial biochemistry may ultimately be the solution.
So, other than counselling: talking about it, not talking about it, date nights, trying to initiate sex, trying not to initiate sex, trying to be physically intimate without having sex, trying to not be intimate at all, doing all the house work, compliments, gifts, no gifts, no compliments, dropping subtle hints, being obvious ... 
What have I not tried? "Oh, hi honey. You're home early. Ah, yes, that is porn on the TV - doesn't it look amazing in HD and on such a big screen. No. You're right. It doesn't. You're absolutely right. It's degrading to women. Yeah, even when he's tied and getting humiliated like that. Yeah, that's degrading for woment too. Hang on, can you just wait a moment while I put my trousers back on so we can talk about this sensibly. Look, this whole no-sex thing is killing me. Can you please just either make like a hooker or get your gorgeous arse down to a sex counsellor so they can fix you, cos, y'know, you really are the least sexual person I've ever met and you really really need help." (Ok, I'm joking, but you get the picure.)


Mr. Nail
We have no sexual contact at all these days. We have gone past that. I no longer give her any indication that I'm interested in her, and in turn I see no indication that she's interested in me persuing her. I've tried showing her I'm interested over the last few years ... and we are still where we are. 
By _away from home events_, do you mean just me, without the family? How do you think that would help? (Serious question.)

alexm
Divorce just isn't an option. The reasons are many and varied, and unfortunately listing them will not change them.
I'm not underemployed - far from it. I'm a full time parent with a freelance career. I am grossly overemployed!
I can only blame myself? My wife is passing her disinerest in sex off on me? To me those statements seem to contradict eachother. But yes, you're right, it's not what most people would consider a marriage. Quite what defines _a marriage_, though, is subjective.
I _am_ trying to accept accept my lot in life and carry on. What is difficult is doing that in the context. So I need to change the context. I can't change her. I can't change the domestic situation. So the only thing left is to change me. hence the question.

john117
Western European.

arbitrator
Of course I have _the right to demand_ a divorce, and I could survive without her financially, but it's not going to happen.

WorkingOnMe
I can't see that working on any level.

Married but Happy
Does she not respect me as a man because she's the bread winner? Far from it. Add to that, I have a reasonable, engaging, demanding and highly sought after job which I do on top of the child care. How I could ever find the energy for sex, I'll never know, but I'd give it a damned good try if it were a genuine opportunity.
An open relationship? I certainly don't have the apetite for that. And I'm sure she doesn't.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Lila said:


> Making things up to discredit the OP's wife in order to make it more acceptable to advise OP to Cheat is setting up his thread to go off the rails.


Having him drug himself with antidepressants (when one is not actually depressed) to kill his sex drive and emotions is just wrong. I know you strongly disagree, but I consider that worse than him finding a FWB. 

I offered a possible explanation for his wife's non sexual behavior. We have seen enough threads here in which the wife works and husband stays at home to know that what I referenced is a possibility that needs to be considered. You have read the same stories!

I think this thread is already off the rails with OP considering chemical or physical castration. Imagine if OP had himself physically castrated, and it turns out his wife was cheating on him.


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## fneghuang (Oct 31, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I just read his update and it looks like he is not going to post any more useful information, so......adios.


Thanks for your input.
In my defence, as I expected, even with the information I have shared, most of the discussion has been about my marital situation, not addressing my actual question. 
I'm not keen to use antidepressants because, as you correctly suggest, I'm not clynically depressed.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

fneghuang said:


> Lila
> Don't worry, I've seen the damage infidelity can do. I'm not going there!


Glad to hear that you are a man of integrity and understand the damage infidelity can cause. The fact that you have chosen to take the high road shows that you're not selfish.




fneghuang said:


> I'd rather steer clear of antidepresents et al if I can avoid it. Though I'm starting to wonder wherehter artificial biochemistry may ultimately be the solution.


 @sixty-eight had a good suggestion about moving into a separate bedroom. Have you considered an in-house separation? You already sound like roommates so start actively behaving like one. 




fneghuang said:


> So, other than counselling: talking about it, not talking about it, date nights, trying to initiate sex, trying not to initiate sex, trying to be physically intimate without having sex, trying to not be intimate at all, doing all the house work, compliments, gifts, no gifts, no compliments, dropping subtle hints, being obvious ...
> What have I not tried? "Oh, hi honey. You're home early. Ah, yes, that is porn on the TV - doesn't it look amazing in HD and on such a big screen. No. You're right. It doesn't. You're absolutely right. It's degrading to women. Yeah, even when he's tied and getting humiliated like that. Yeah, that's degrading for woment too. Hang on, can you just wait a moment while I put my trousers back on so we can talk about this sensibly. Look, this whole no-sex thing is killing me. *Can you please just either make like a hooker or get your gorgeous arse down to a sex counsellor so they can fix you, cos, y'know, you really are the leaset sexual person I've ever met and you really really need help.*" (Ok, I'm joking, but you get the picure.)


LOL, okay so you HAVEN'T tried everything. Seriously, if you think she'll agree to it, then seek help from a sex therapist. 

You said that you tried counseling....was it to address the sexless marriage or for something altogether different?


[/QUOTE]


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

fneghuang said:


> Mr. Nail
> We have no sexual contact at all these days. We have gone past that. I no longer give her any indication that I'm interested in her, and in turn I see no indication that she's interested in me persuing her. I've tried showing her I'm interested in the last few years ... and we are still where we are.
> By _away from home events_, do you mean just me, without the family? How do you think that would help?


I can't speak to what Mr. Nail meant. In my reply to his post i meant activities either with or without the family. If there is time to think about how much sex you are not having, then your brain will use that time. If you are actively playing with your kid at the park, reading a book either with your child or alone at the library, taking a class, keeping your mind engaged as much as possible on non-sexual things; the less head space you give it, the better. I don't know about you, but my mind will go there all the time. Especially if it's getting lots of cues, at home, around the person who doesn't want to have sex with me. Like begets like, at least for me. The more i think about it, it avalanches into more thinking about it.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Heavy doses of Hydrocodone or Oxycodone will take that drive right out of you.
If you're in a hurry Heroin works too.

BTW: There are a few pesky side effects you might want to check out.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You're in a prison of your own choice. You refuse to consider positive solutions, only those that imprison you further. I wish you luck, but have nothing constructive to offer in the face of your attitude.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

First thing I'd say is that you need to go to individual counseling about this. Find a good female therapist that specializes in Sex Therapy. As a man, I really appreciate a normal female perspective. Ha, hence my participation in these forums. 

What she is doing to you is cruel. It's like if she adopted a puppy that wanted to play and then locked it in a basement, tied to a leash because she was busy and only let it run outside and play once a year. Willfully doing this is abuse. In my opinion, by my definition of love of giving yourselves to each other completely, she is an abject failure. Morally, she has divorced you already by forcing you into an extremely sexless marriage. So I see no problem in telling her she has broken your wedding vows to love, honor, and cherish and she has freed you from the constraints to be exclusive to her. Tell her, she needs to participate in the marriage or you will find someone else that will. 

The fact that you would consider castration tells me that her treatment of you has likely made you very depressed. IMO, she's mentally abusing you. She needs to grow up and act like an adult by discussing her problems with you and/or a therapist. 

Having said that... if you want to throw your life away, you can find a doctor that might give you an SSRI for depression that will also lower your libido. However, no responsible doctor would prescribe to you if you honestly tell them why you want it, because you are trying to abuse the medication, IMO.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

fneghuang said:


> I'm not keen to use antidepressants because, as you correctly suggest, I'm not clynically depressed.


 First off, I think you are depressed and just don't realize it, which is typical, but the point is that SSRIs can have a libido killing sexual side-effects. That's what you want isn't it?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what happens when you resign yourself to being a bachelor and just taking care of yourself?

like several helpful suggestions above, avoid her and sleep in separate quarters.

some people can do it, i suppose some can't (by that i mean taking care of yourself).
there are more people than you might think that are single and happy, by just living their lives, spending their time on things they love,
and releasing their sexual urges by taking matters into their own hand.

not that this is the ideal by any means, or even that i advocate it, but it does work for many.

you have resigned yourself to this trap, so you don't have many options if leaving isn't one of them.


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## fneghuang (Oct 31, 2016)

Lila
My integrity has its flaws, but yeah, I do have my limits.
Would she agree to see a sex therapist? 
She's suggested it in the past. And nothing happend. I suggested it ... and nothing happened. 
When I originally researched marriage counsellors, she went off and did her own research, and then chose a different counsellor. [Sigh. Yes, this is fairly typical.] At the time, that was largely because we were just being a bit crap towards eachother. No flying plates, but not much conversation or agreement either. We got past that ... sort of ... but we never talke about sex. As I think I mentioned in my original post, she avoided a direct question about intimacy from the therapist, and he never guided us back to the subject. In the car on the way home after one counselling session, she said she wasn't sure whether she could talk to a stranger about sex.
At some point she has even suggested that she might need to see a sex counsellor on her own. Guess what happened?
@sixty-eight Sorry - I missed that. 
An in-house seperation. Not the worst idea. Possibly workable. Food for thought.
Re avalanches - I try to keep busy, (oh who am I kidding, it would be nice to not be busy) but yeah, my head also has a pretty strong tendancy towards one subject when not actively engaged thinking about something else. Maybe I need ot be busier. Ha ha. Sob sob. Ha ha. Sob sob.

UMP
It's remarkable, forreasons that I won't go into, that I don't know any dealers. But I don't.

Married but Happy
A prison, perhaps. Of my own choice, not necessarily.
What I am trying to do is find a way of making the cell less oppressive ... without putting posters of pneumatic glamour models on the wall. 
Thanks for the input.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

fneghuang said:


> Has anyone with a high sex drive successfully _given up sex_? And if so, how?


As with anything so primal and powerful and complicated, it takes a multi-factor approach to learn not to desire one's partner. My "program" comes at this assuming the male is the HD. Most asapects would apply to a female HD - but I think female HD is more difficult to treat since there is not as strong a correlative to ED for females.

First we address the physical side:

stop any and all exercise
eat lots of junk food
try to gain weight
eat lots of estrogenic foods
masturbate as often as you can, even when you are not horny - if you think you might be able to get it up, time to masturbate again

Second we address the mental side:

try to initiate sex at times and places where it is 100% certain your LD spouse will turn you down
spend as much time as possible ruminating on ever time your LD spouse turned you down - coming to TAM and posting incessantly about rejection works wonders
beyond TAM, join a half dozen other marriage forums and post incessantly about how much your wife rejects you
pick fights over minor trivialities - that will give your LD spouse more reason to reject you and you more resentment and frustration

The idea of this two-prong program is to simultaneously reduce your ability to have good sex with your partner, and dramatically increase the amount of frustration and resentment you feel. The goal on the physical side is to reach a state where, even if your spouse consents to sex on occasion, it won't be worth the time and effort. For guys, you are trying to get into such bad shape that you have trouble achieving and maintaining an erection. And where you absolutely can NOT perform in a manner that would be satisfying to her, so that if sex were to occur, you can be sure to feel humiliated by your poor performance. For women, the idea is to restrict your ability to participate in all but a few positions, and to maximize the shame you feel about having your spouse see you naked, so that sex, when it happens, is boring and unsatisfying to both of you. On the mental side, the goal is to create a huge reservoir of toxic feelings toward your spouse. That way, even if you still have some desire for sex (which the physical side of the program should have mostly destroyed), you won't have any interest in having sex with your spouse.

I can promise you that if you follow this program faithfully, you will no longer have any desire to have sex with your LD spouse. I can NOT promise you that either of you will have any desire to remain married to each other at that point. But all life is risk. After all, if you don't follow this program and you stay in a sexless marriage, there is a decent chance you will end up divorced, miserable or both.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

fneghuang said:


> badsanta
> A key word in the question was _sucessfully_. If I could give up sex successfully, by definition I wouldn't want it more: it would have been successful.
> I've tried pleasing her sexually. I've tried not pleasing her sexually. I tried not trying to please her sexually. She knows how to please me, and I can assure you I'm not complicated in that respect. As I siad, we are where we are, and as much as I'd like to entertian the thought that we are _fixable_, I think we are far beyond that.


It is not exactly about being "fixable" but more so about learning to accept each other and yourselves for exactly who you are in the relationship. Usually there are issues with low self esteem that can cause havoc in normal relationships that lurks below the surface and manifests itself in the strangest way, particularly in regards to sexuality. 

While I do not know the big picture in your marriage well enough to draw a conclusion I'm seeing red flags for the following:


Your wife was once a victim of abuse
Your wife has reasons to believe that you were unfaithful and does not trust you (even if only an emotional affair)
Your wife is struggling with her own infidelities (emotional or physical)
Or medical issues have now made sex painful for your wife (can easily happen after childbirth) 

In the event it is one of, or a combination of those issues, it is best to determine what the problem is, and learn to accept it or move on. It is not about trying to fix it. Just identifying it and accepting it for better or for worse. 

Badsanta


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If divorce is not an option, cheating isn't an option, open marriage isn't an option and she is not going to change her lack of interest in sex, then living a sexless life is all you have left.

Life is a long time, so be sure this is what you really want - its not going to get better.

Since she wants to live like housemates, then do so. Move into a separate bedroom (she has a high pressure executive career so you can afford a house with an extra bedroom for you). Act as if you are living with your sister - its OK to love her, but no physical intimacy. Take care of yourself sexually, watch what porn you want - if she is turning you down for sex she has no right to complain. 

Lots of people get addicted to porn and no longer desire sex with their partners - you might as well become one of them


Just in case though - do you know why the sex stopped? Are you absolutely sure it can't be fixed?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Holdingontoit said:


> As with anything so primal and powerful and complicated, it takes a multi-factor approach to learn not to desire one's partner. My "program" comes at this assuming the male is the HD. Most asapects would apply to a female HD - but I think female HD is more difficult to treat since there is not as strong a correlative to ED for females.
> 
> First we address the physical side:
> 
> ...


If I didn't know any better I would think you were a stand up comic!
Unfortunately, I know you're speaking the truth.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

fneghuang said:


> in the car on the way home after one counselling session, she said she wasn't sure whether she could talk to a stranger about sex.


*three elements: Sex / fear / stranger*


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

fneghuang said:


> Lila
> My integrity has its flaws, but yeah, I do have my limits.
> Would she agree to see a sex therapist?
> She's suggested it in the past. And *nothing happend*. I suggested it ... *and nothing happened*.
> ...


Super passive.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Western Europeans pioneered the use of garconiere (love nest bachelor apartments ). Those were not uncommon even in the EU expansion draft country I grew up in. Affairs are quite the rage there, and believe me, LD partners notice. 

Nothing is absolute. I thought my marriage was fixable, too. Pfeh.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I will tell you your REAL problem and from that you can find a solution.

You have a high opinion of your self and value that borders on delusion. I am sorry but I am serious.

You believe you are a martyr. You believe you must make sacrifices "for the greater good" - yes those are you over-the-top words.

You believe this makes you strong and full and f conviction but instead you are weak and are creating a narrative to justify your weakness.

You talk about having your W go to counseling with you "but nothing happened". It didn't happen because of YOU and not her. YOU have the problem, not her.

She appears to have built the life she wants. Unfortunately you are a prop in that life - an important one, but not a real person. She sees no need to meet your needs because YOU show her you are not worthy of having them men. Instead you now seek ways to twist and shape yourself into the prop you believe she needs.

I don't say this to be cruel. I say this because it is plainly obvious this is your situation.

I also am not saying you chose this. But I am saying, every day when you wake up now, you DO choose this. And you've twisted a bad life into a noble one, instead of doing something you see as "hard". I don't think you want to do hard things if they involve others.

Sorry but I would never construct such a prison. And if I did, I would escape... by opening the door and walking out.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I will tell you your REAL problem and from that you can find a solution.
> 
> You have a high opinion of your self and value that borders on delusion. I am sorry but I am serious.
> 
> ...


You have a VERY appropriate user name!

Nice post. It allows us to see an HD male in a very different light. 
(from a female LD perspective) Thanks!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

fneghuang said:


> (she even commented away from our sessions that she wasn't she could talk to a stranger about sex)


Tell her it beats talking to a stranger about divorce.

My wife was same way for 20 years. Could not talk to a stranger about her problems.

Well, this tells you how you are valued to her. Her discomfort from talking to a stranger is more important to her than how YOU feel, your sex life and your marriage.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

fneghuang said:


> @sixty-eight Sorry - I missed that.
> An in-house seperation. Not the worst idea. Possibly workable. Food for thought.
> Re avalanches - I try to keep busy, (oh who am I kidding, it would be nice to not be busy) but yeah, my head also has a pretty strong tendancy towards one subject when not actively engaged thinking about something else. Maybe I need ot be busier. Ha ha. Sob sob. Ha ha. Sob sob.


I think we posted at relatively the same time.

I wasn't _exactly_ advocating an in house separation. I moved out of our room because i was sick of crying myself to sleep about the no sex, and he mentioned that me crying myself to sleep was annoying him. It turned into an in house separation when i realized that i didn't know what I was holding on to.

IMO if one is expected to live like sexless roommates, then making it official helps. The facade of sleeping in the same bed bothered me. Like trying to diet, but working next door to a Krispy Kreme. No sex, but still sleeping next to your partner in name only. It made me want to reach out to him, which didn't help. Non-sexual touch only made things worse for me, frustration wise. I'm not sure if that's true for everyone, or just me.

It's not just business for me, but mental activity. 
If I run on a treadmill, then i think about sex while i'm running, and the uptick in exercise means i'm hornier. There are also sweaty men in workout clothes at the gym. This won't work.
However, If I meditate and do yoga in a quiet place, it occupies enough brainspace/concentration that there isn't really any room left for thoughts of sex.
If i watch TV, i mentally drift and think about sex, if i read a thriller with no sex scenes, then i do not drift.
Specific business helps, but not just business in general. Figure out if any particular activities trigger you to think about sex more frequently, or stay with you so you think about those in particular over long periods, and avoid them. For instance, when i read romance novels, i end up feeling horny and sad. So I try to actively choose other types of books.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

fneghuang said:


> Would she agree to see a sex therapist?
> 
> She's suggested it in the past. And nothing happend. I suggested it ... and nothing happened.
> When I originally researched marriage counsellors, she went off and did her own research, and then chose a different counsellor. [Sigh. Yes, this is fairly typical.] At the time, that was largely because we were just being a bit crap towards eachother. No flying plates, but not much conversation or agreement either. We got past that ... sort of ... but we never talke about sex. As I think I mentioned in my original post, she avoided a direct question about intimacy from the therapist, and he never guided us back to the subject. In the car on the way home after one counselling session, she said she wasn't sure whether she could talk to a stranger about sex.
> At some point she has even suggested that she might need to see a sex counsellor on her own. Guess what happened?


Finally, a bit of hope here! 
My goodness, you and your wife are procrastinators, somebody needs to take the reins. 
Take control of your marriage, book an appointment, make it happen, tell her that you are going and perhaps she will follow. If you have to go through 10 sex therapists until you find the right one, then do it. 

"We never talk about sex" 

Well, you need to start talking about it now. You can't read each other's minds, so you need to talk about it, no it's not easy it's embarrassing, I did it, I felt awkward first but I was glad to let it all out. Say how you feel, what's the worse that could happen? 
A lot of time in movies, people just have spontaneous sex, great but for LTR communication is like maintenance and if you don't, it all disintegrates.

Take responsibility and take control. 
Be open and honest and communicate about your wants and needs. 

ETA: If she rejects everything then at least you will know that you tried. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## rich84 (Mar 30, 2015)

OP, the fact that you even mentioned castration, even in a half-joking manner, tells me everything I need to know. Your actions are the epitome of passivity. You have willingly handed over every ounce of power to your wife and embraced a role that ensures that your wife sees you as weak. You reject outright any solution that disrupts this dynamic. In fact, you find nobility in it and work to protect it. 

Your only hope is to implode this status quo. Get a real job, a full time endeavor. Be a good, well-engaged father, but seek professional assistance with the childcare. Get fit, I mean really fit. Need nothing from your wife, I mean not a single damn thing. Offer her little to nothing. Make it clear in no uncertain terms that you are unhappy in the relationship, that the lack of sex is not sustainable, and book the fist counseling session. Separate sleeping quarters, full 180. 

If she doesn't play ball, then inform her that you will be taking on auditions for her replacement. 

I know you won't do it, but that's what it would take for her to stop seeing you as a passive, weak individual that is so fearful of disrupting the status quo that she can literally do anything she wants and you will just die on the cross in martyrdom. 

The only people that get treated like you are the ones that let it happen. Other people, when they get kicked they fight back or leave the situation. There is nothing noble about what you're doing. Why do you value your needs so lowly? What are so you afraid of?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

fneghuang said:


> I know there have been similar topics before, and I've read a few of them, along with various articles and blogs, but in every case there seems to me to be a significantly different set of factors at play. Equally, although there has been plenty of talk of causes, blame and how to change the situation, I've yet to see the question really addressed.
> Maybe I've just not read the right threads, or missed their point. Anyway ...
> 
> *The usual problem: *
> ...


I have been there. And from my experience she just is not attracted to you anymore. She doesn't sound like she is even thinking of sex as her duty to her husband. Here are a few facts to consider

* she knows you want and enjoy sex, and yet she still does not make herself available. This is not only cruel but a complete lack of respect for you.
* She knows there is a problem but nothing is being done to solve it. Can this really go on forever.
* You giving up on sex completely is a ridiculous notion. You will and probably have already grown to resent her. This is bad. I know exactly how this one feels.
* You have openly tried to talk about it and still no movement toward progress. Its not like your keeping this to your self. 
* I understand not wanting divorce and willing to do without to save your marriage. But this cannot last and will not end well. 
* Just gonna throw this out there but lack of sex is a sure sign of interest in another person.
* It takes two people to fix this problem. You cant make her fix something that she doesn't want to fix. I hate to say this but the clock is ticking and you just don't know it. You will end up divorced if you don't act now. This is a big problem and you know it. You both know it. Does she value your marriage and you? That is the question you need to ask.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

fneghuang said:


> Mr. Nail
> We have no sexual contact at all these days. We have gone past that. I no longer give her any indication that I'm interested in her, and in turn I see no indication that she's interested in me persuing her. I've tried showing her I'm interested over the last few years ... and we are still where we are.
> By _away from home events_, do you mean just me, without the family? How do you think that would help? (Serious question.)


A serious question deserves a serious answer, and I will get to it but first I need to post a disclaimer. Much of what I am advising Could lead to accusations of infidelity, feelings of frustration, emotional disconnection, and even Divorce. You have assured us that Divorce is off the table for you and your Spouse. This course of action may prove your assertion to be false on her part. Some aspects of this can be, and have been used as a dread game. That is she changes her pattern of response to you based on the idea that she is losing you.  Part of your sexual need for her is an emotional need for her. Doing this will lessen that emotional need.

You have children. You are primarily responsible for their care. That means that your away from home activities will most easily be with the Children. That is different than with the family because the family would include your wife, and time away from her is the goal, object and purpose of this. First find community groups, sports, classes , and activities that your children are or could be interested in. Sign up for as many of these as you can handle. You want to be away from home at an activity when your wife returns home from work at least 3 out of 5 days and half the day Saturday and Sunday. Fill the freezer with microwave dinners so she can eat alone. You grab a meal on the run with the kids after their activities. 

Next when there is a weekend with no activities, plan a professional, or Men's outing. Hunting, Fishing , camping, hiking whatever interests you. Tell her the kids need time with her.

After she has grown accustomed to this, and to a few weekends without you. Plan a vacation for you and the kids at a time when she can't get away from work. Tell her that it is a deal too good to pass up. This will get her used to sleeping alone for 3-7 days. Soon she will start complaining about your smell, your snoring, your blanket hogging, and suggest that you sleep in a different room. 

Without the constant reminder of what you had in the past, and with your time and energy focused on non sexual activities you will desire her less and less. That is your stated goal. 

I'm going to hit the warning disclaimer one more time. Most women when faced with this will become lonely, jealous, and suspicious. Expect some snooping, and spying. If she accuses you of a change in sexual orientation, cheating, or flirting with the soccer moms, and so on you need to reply that "we are a couple that doesn't do sex. We don't do it together, and I certainly don't do it without you." If she is as non sexual as you claim then she will be comforted by your increased attention to the children. 

This is not a game. This is a plan for your life from this point on. If you can't accept this life then go back and read some of the other suggestions. 
MN


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Since divorce is not an option, I guess you have chosen to live with it. If you can't live with it, then you only have one other option. I am not suggesting you commit suicide, but if your own happiness means so little to you...
Here is another option, man up and tell her, don't discuss it with her, tell her that this is not what you want from your life. Personally I feel the "divorce is not an option" option is just a cop out either because you are too afraid or just don't care about yourself enough to do what needs to be done.


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## wellseasoned (Jan 8, 2016)

Most women are sexually null and void. Its not their fault, its how they are designed....


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

wellseasoned said:


> Most women are sexually null and void. Its not their fault, its how they are designed....


No they are not, I am finding that to be extremely untrue in my post divorce life. In fact I am more than pleasantly surprised at just how much some women not only want but enjoy sex.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

fneghuang said:


> *The question* (at last ;-) )
> Has anyone with a high sex drive successfully _given up sex_? And if so, how?
> (PS No offence to those who put value in such things, but finding God ain't gonna happen. Just sayin'.)


OK, back to the original question of how to successfully give up sex. I think it involves lots of quiet time and spiritual whining *cough* spirituals of wine making. Start by reading this:


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

hmmm...again like others not knowing the whole situation, or reading every post, a few thoughts:
1) is she depressed for some other reasons and has she tried to get any help? 
2) this is always a fall back for me, but how are both of your diets/exercise and sleep? These do have a huge impact on both of your moods and desires. 
3) do you know if or have you noticed if she has any pain from intercourse and is maybe not admitting it? 

When you find out how to go without sex let me know. I have no advice for you there as I think I am going to die at the moment and am really struggling...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Ynot said:


> No they are not, I am finding that to be extremely untrue in my post divorce life. In fact I am more than pleasantly surprised at just how much some women not only want but enjoy sex.


The word 'some' is important


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

wellseasoned said:


> Most women are sexually null and void. Its not their fault, its how they are designed....


Pfft. Tell that to my libido.

And all the other ladies in the Sex Starved Wife thread.



john117 said:


> The word 'some' is important


I can get on board with the "some" women.
Just not the "most" women.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> I'm going to hit the warning disclaimer one more time. Most women when faced with this will become lonely, jealous, and suspicious. Expect some snooping, and spying. If she accuses you of a change in sexual orientation, cheating, or flirting with the soccer moms, and so on you need to reply that "we are a couple that doesn't do sex. We don't do it together, and I certainly don't do it without you." If she is as non sexual as you claim then she will be comforted by your increased attention to the children.
> 
> This is not a game. This is a plan for your life from this point on. If you can't accept this life then go back and read some of the other suggestions.


I think @Mr. Nail has, as usual, "nailed" it. If you combine his suggestions with mine, you will surely end up no longer desiring sex with your wife, and likely not in the same physical location on the rare occasions when you do feel like having sex with her.

But I would add one more caveat to the above. If your wife likes sex, but not with you, then when you totally abandon her as a sex partner, she may well take someone else. If you are pursuing her, but she rejects you, she may feel guilty about cheating on you. If you completely abandon her, she may feel justified in cheating. If she cheats, you can probably guilt her into a level of misery that motivates her to divorce you. Deep down, is that what you want?

Some people would view that as "success" and a good outcome. Are you totally opposed to divorce, or only opposed to being the one to file? Would you view her filing as a failure on your part, or as her doing what you do not have the guts to do? Would it be a relief, or terrifying hurt? Are you against being divorced from her, or against being the "bad guy" who puled the plug and "ruined" your children's FOO?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

john117 said:


> The word 'some' is important


And a lot more optimistic that the word 'most' on the post I quoted. 'Most" women are not sexually null and void, some are, but most aren't. If they are too bad for them.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Holdingontoit said:


> Are you totally opposed to divorce, or only opposed to being the one to file? Would you view her filing as a failure on your part, or as her doing what you do not have the guts to do? Would it be a relief, or terrifying hurt? Are you against being divorced from her, or against being the "bad guy" who puled the plug and "ruined" your children's FOO?


Especially when i consider that OP said an in house separation might be a good solution, I see this as a very interesting analysis.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

wellseasoned said:


> Most women are sexually null and void. Its not their fault, its how they are designed....


Most men are sexually null and void. It's not their fault, it's how they are designed........

See what you did wrong? You forgot the apostrophe in it's.


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## fneghuang (Oct 31, 2016)

Firstly I'd like to thank everyone for their input.
There have been some helpful comments, worthwile observations and I am truely grateful to those who brought some genuine insight to the table.

There has also been some brilliant comedy, and I really have had to sifle my laughter in public.

As I said in my initial post,


fneghuang said:


> ... This is an inernet forum, so I dare say discussion of _the how and the why_ will ensue regardless ...


And jeez Louise! It most certainly has been discussed, and if I'm honest I'm not remotely surprised there were so few responses that attempted to address the actual question. But I really didn't expect to get derided quite so vehemently. That has ammused me greatly.

I have a couple of conclusions.

Firstly, I'm _really_ not an arsehole. Obviously being an arsehole is not a binary state - we are all somewhere on the arsehole specturm - but from reading some of the responses in this thread, I'm deeply reasured that I'm very much nearer red than blue.

I've long thought that crowd-sourcing information can be a useful process, and indeed this thread has reinforced that belief. There is real merit in seeking other people's opinion. It has also reminded me that the world is full of idiots and the internet puts batteries in their megaphones. I love how it has been suggested that I am symultaneously a narcissist, have no respect for myself, am an emasculated martyr and am clinically depressed. Real comedy. Some people have legitimately considered the possibility that _2+2+x=6_. Others that _2+2+x=132_. But I cannot help but be ammused by the possible thought processs that leads to the conclussion that _2+2+x=chainsaw_ I wonder how many of those apparently advocating a more bullish stance would deny the existance of rape within marriage.

There's the repeated recommendation that I should fix a marriage by being unfaithful, and the relentless suggestion of divorce, despite repeated assertion that it isn't an option. I'll wager not one person who suggested divorce considered it in the context of an ex-soldier (now running a company that provides emergency housing for earthquake victims) who had lost both their legs to an IED, and has had their home built to serve their needs, or that a court had rulled their health insurnce only had to continue to pay for their care if 40% was provided by their spouce. Divorce doesn't sound easy now, does it? 

Anyway ...
All this has confirmed one thing for me:
You wouldn't get a random bloke in a pub to convert the cylinder head from your 1940 Honda Pilot to run on unleaded fuel.
No. You'd ask a professional.

But before I leave this forum, never to bother myself with it again, one thought (not that I expect the more beligerant participants of this thread to have read the whole of this post) : I have both my legs ... but for just a moment, with that nugget of false information, there was an entirely different set off uninformed assumptions, wasn't there? 
And just for ammusement sake, re-read what was typed and tell me whether that ficticious ex-soldier was a husband and full time parent or a wife and a well paid executive.

Goodnight, TAM. Take care of yourself ... and each other.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Seldom seen such arrogant ignorance...

Reminds me of Sherlock Holmes, defining himself as a high functioning sociopath.


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## rich84 (Mar 30, 2015)

fneghuang said:


> Firstly I'd like to thank everyone for their input.
> 
> There have been some helpful comments, worthwile observations and I am truely grateful to those who brought some genuine insight to the table.
> 
> ...




The answer is you can't... not without self-harm. And I think that professional help is a great idea for you. My answer did not change with your fictitious scenarios, and your post gives great insight into the sexlessness of your marriage. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Setting people up for failure is not the best way to get positive results. You came in here with an air of disregard from the onset, you wanted the posters to fail so you could then swoop in and mock and ridicule those poor, feeble minded souls. If this is how you are IRL then it could be suggested that yes indeed, you are the one that needs to change, not your wife. And that change is not about sex or lack thereof, it is about who you are and how you treat your wife.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I have a few questions OP if you don't mind, I'm coming in late, so I hope you might still be here.

How was your sex life early on?
Was the downturn gradual or fairly sudden?
Is by any chance your reason for no divorce based in your faith ? (I believe this to be a very strong and compelling reason)
Maybe you said this and I missed it, or maybe you don't want to answer, but curious what reasons she gives you for not taking care of her husbands needs AT ALL sexually?
Are you still IN love with your wife?
Do you feel she is IN love with you?

I am a HD wife with a LD hubby. I must admit, I have had the same thoughts as you, wishing my desires would just disappear, as I won't divorce over this either. At the same time though, I don't actually want them to disappear, they are a big part of who I am, and I like who I am. Therefore I'm back to working with hubby to try to improve things. Unlike your wife, my husband wants to improve and is trying.

I would be tempted to ask her in a non-confrontational tone, "Wife, I need sex regularly. How would you recommend I get it?" See what she says. 

As far as answer to the question posed, I suppose your best bet might be to combine the sex therapist with moving to another bedroom with the anti depressants. I think taking med you probably don't need is a terrible idea, but I don't know what else you can do.

PS- I like your sense of humor.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Amusing post OP. My assessment and recommendation would remain the same in your fictitious scenario and absolutely with your latest diatribe which, as @MrsHolland points out, screams out for attention.

I do feel sorry for your spouse, though. You sound quite manipulative


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

fneghuang said:


> But I cannot help but be amused by the possible thought process that leads to the conclusion that _2+2+x=chainsaw_


I laughed at this. But like you pointed out, the answer can change dramatically when given all of the applicable facts. And we don't usually have those here on an internet forum. I took your question at face value, because I try to always do that. I feel like sometimes people have to detach by baby steps from a bad or unsuited relationship, and that there is no shame in that.

I hope you get your answers, here or somewhere else.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

(Edit: Sigh. Should have read the whole thread before posting. Leaving this and my next post here for anyone who might seriously be looking for one person's experience.)



fneghuang said:


> *The question* (at last ;-) )
> Has anyone with a high sex drive successfully _given up sex_? And if so, how?


1) Frequent masturbation
2) Acceptance of reality -- she has no desire to change, and worse: she has a less-than-conscious stake in maintaining the status quoue for whatever reason, and there is a part of her that would rather sink our ship than give a damn about being there for me
3) Awareness of the powerful mind-numbing/resetting effect physical contact with her has on me. Despite all, if I let myself be physically intimate it usually leaves me feeling more attached to her. I believe that is the chemical induced fog of oxytocin, etc. I have come to see it has not the same effect on her. Fool me once, shame on oxytocin. Fool me 10 times, shame on me.
4)View detachment as a necessary step to finding courage to leave.
5) Be willing to let go of projections and fantasy the distort how I feel towards her.


It would have helped to have moved out of the bedroom. She often doesn't go to bed until I get up, so temptation to reach out to her is rarely given opportunity. But, still, it is not pleasant to be reminded daily of her indifference. And, for a month or so, because of work being done in the house, I chose to have DD sleep in my space and I in my office -- it definitely left me more at ease.

Antidepressants can dramatically lower libido, though I don't recommend it. Guilt-free masturbation is better for the mind, body, and soul in my experience.

To be clear, I have not sought to stop wanting sex. Rather, I've sought to stop wanting sex with her. 

It has not made her want me more. Hearing her claim "All you want is sex. You think sex will fix everything." for the 30th time, I told her that indeed I no longer wanted sex with her, not like this. That, if anything, had a chilling effect on eac one's desire for the other. I don't regret saying, though I wish I had elaborated more on the why.

I do believe it's a one way trip. Proceed only if you are sure that is what you want. 

If you want to try to shape how it effects her (not recommended) then be careful how you frame it for her. 



In any case, be careful that the way you frame it to yourself is not a lie. That's hard to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

badsanta said:


> Giving up sex will just make you want it more.


Not my experience.

It has given me a chance to see her more clearly, and the one-sided bonding process that keep me emotionally invested in her. It tends to create detachment in me.

I gave up diet soda recently. Same effect.


I suppose it depends on many things, and mainly if you stick with it through an initial period of discomfort and anxiety.

It can be done. And, be aware, it may not be reversible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I'm going the opposite route. Daily sex even if I don't want it and even if W doesn't want it (she's probably a 3x a week O girl). Seems to be working out fine. I'll keep you posted.


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## carim (Nov 2, 2016)

I can’t believe I’m actually writing a testimony. Thanks to Dr. Twaha! What a valley my family has been through. My husband said he was done, he said he wanted a divorce. There was another woman who once told me she will do anything to have my man by her side; he said he was miserable with me. I wanted to run away and disappear at first, but something stopped me in my tracks. I had the desire in my heart to stand for my marriage and then I came across Dr Twaha website. Thank God for Dr Twaha! I was told from various places that I officially had an ‘out’ from my marriage, but I didn’t want out. I felt the tug of my marriage vows and knew this whole situation was bigger than me. I praise God that I didn’t submit to my hurt and emotions. The circumstances were horrible. The pain I experienced was so deep, it was physical. My faith when I came across Dr Twaha was solid. I had this strong trust in him. There are still real spell caster on the net. Now my family is a living breathing example!” (You can contact Dr twaha on his email [email protected] or visit his website at DR TWAHA SPELL CASTER


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