# My wife had an affair with my brother



## anon99999 (Mar 4, 2009)

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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Other than your children, why would you stay in this marriage? At least 3 affairs??? There is such a thing as a serial cheater. Do you really believe her behavior will ever change?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Yeah, I would have been "out" after the first one with your brother, then 2 more? 

Time to leave, regardless if you love her or not.

Some people can heal after an affair, but repeated affairs should nearly always be divorce material.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear that are you still talking to your brother? I just dont get why she would go back and do it again after the renewal?


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## anon99999 (Mar 4, 2009)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Yeah, I would have been "out" after the first one with your brother, then 2 more?
> 
> Time to leave, regardless if you love her or not.
> 
> Some people can heal after an affair, but repeated affairs should nearly always be divorce material.


Unfortunately I found out while we were in the process of making a 1000+ mile move, house hunting and starting a new job. A lot of things were already up in the air at that time. Once we got a house and my job started we separated for about a year. I moved back in because it seemed like she was going to pull it together and I wanted to be with my kids. We renewed our vows and bam, 3 months later using emails and IM's I busted her with 2 other guys. We went to therapy for about 4 months and I don't think she has done anything since, but every now and then it comes back and haunts me. I don't think I can stay with her AND get past all of this...


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## anon99999 (Mar 4, 2009)

sunflower said:


> I am so sorry to hear that are you still talking to your brother? I just dont get why she would go back and do it again after the renewal?


I have not spoken to my brother in over 5 years thanks to this mess. I can't bring myself to talk to him. My parents ask me every now and then if I have spoken with him recently and I tell them no, but I can't tell them why. It is embarrassing and I feel pretty foolish for not killing off this marriage 5 years ago and moving on. As for the other guys after the renewal I don't get it either...


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Yeah, I think its time to get out man, it will be nearly impossible for you to ever get over all of that combined.

Also, about the wanting to see your kids, fight for full custody, she is obviously a wreck. I doubt it with the way our legal system leans toward the mother no matter the circumstances, but you might be lucky and be awarded the kids. Then she would have to pay childsupport instead of the other way around.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Your wife has boundary issues and is willing to lie and deceive you when it is convenient to her selfish needs for inappropriate attention.

You represent daddy, an authority figure to her that she has to rebel against like a teenage girl.

It actually pisses her off that she gets away with it since you in the responsible adult trap and try to keep a "normal" family going.

Put your foot down.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Sometimes you can deal with the pain. And sometimes you can't. Your wife is a serial cheater. She will always be a serial cheater. Even if she never strayed again. You either have to accept what she has done and move forward with her. Or divorce her. She has not cheated again that you know of. But she will. If she cheated 3 months AFTER you renewed your vows, there is nothing meaningful to her regarding your marriage. She may love you and the kids. But she comes from a completely different moral base then you. Her morality basically allows her to cheat on you with no conscience or concern for the pain she has or will inflict upon you. With her history, you literally have to have no expectation of fidelity. If you can live like that. That is your choice.


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## kate_spencer (Feb 20, 2009)

anon99999 said:


> I have not spoken to my brother in over 5 years thanks to this mess. I can't bring myself to talk to him. My parents ask me every now and then if I have spoken with him recently and I tell them no, but I can't tell them why. It is embarrassing and I feel pretty foolish for not killing off this marriage 5 years ago and moving on. As for the other guys after the renewal I don't get it either...



Maybe it's really time now to move on.. they are all right. Once is enough, and two is too much. You should do something to end this, or it will continue if you just let her. You deserve someone better..


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

my husband had a affair six years ago !! its taken me to very recently to move on and enjoy being with him again.
If he hurt me by having another affair i dont think i could be so forgiving.In fact i know id walk.
Id still love him and id still want to have him part of our childrens life but i know that i deserve to be supported emotionally and feel loved and valued to.

What your brother did was wrong ,he betrayed you to crossed the line !! how ever have you spoken to him about why and how it happened ?

you deserve so much more good luck


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

humpty dumpty said:


> my husband had a affair six years ago !! its taken me to very recently to move on and enjoy being with him again.
> If he hurt me by having another affair i dont think i could be so forgiving.In fact i know id walk.
> Id still love him and id still want to have him part of our childrens life but i know that i deserve to be supported emotionally and feel loved and valued to.
> 
> ...


:iagree: You let them back in and give them that second chance everone deserves a second chance but a 5th NO WAY they know they can do it and be forgivin. I dont know if that healthy for you.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I do think you should talk to your brother , what he did was wrong but sometimes you can get closure by talking things through


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## AnthonyS1980 (Feb 28, 2009)

Let me tell ya... during my marriage, my wife cheated on me 2 times, made out with a couple guys, and I forgave her. All of that stuff happened at least seven years ago, so I thought we survived the affair, and we were a stronger couple for it. I thought my relationship with my wife was special and we could get through anything if we just kept the lines of communication open. 
About six months ago, she started making drastic improvements in her life: she started going to school, began a new job in her field of study, lost a ton of weight, got a new wardrobe, fixed her credit, and got a new car. 
Finally! My wife was taking responsibility for her own life! I was so proud of her! 

Well... guess what?

She decided she's no longer in love with me, she met somebody at her new job, slept with him, and now she says she's in love with him after only 2 dates. These changes she made were in preparation of abandoning the marriage.
So before this happens to you, decide to move on, get your life together, then dump her. Please let me live vicariously through you! PLEASE!


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

AnthonyS1980 said:


> Let me tell ya... during my marriage, my wife cheated on me 2 times, made out with a couple guys, and I forgave her. All of that stuff happened at least seven years ago, so I thought we survived the affair, and we were a stronger couple for it. I thought my relationship with my wife was special and we could get through anything if we just kept the lines of communication open.
> About six months ago, she started making drastic improvements in her life: she started going to school, began a new job in her field of study, lost a ton of weight, got a new wardrobe, fixed her credit, and got a new car.
> Finally! My wife was taking responsibility for her own life! I was so proud of her!
> 
> ...


Oh wow! That's horrible...I'm really sorry. You know though you confirmed my worst fear. It was last summer I caught H having an affair through some emails he'd sent. He didn't admit to it, I caught him, he lied. I tried to confront him before about some signs I'd seen and he got angry told me I was being stupid...anyway we reconciled last summer. Things is...and people told me this too... he's not capable of running his business without me, no ability to manage money. He's brilliant in his work, but he's no good with money. So when the S*** hit the fan, did he suddenly think crap who's going to do all this and figured he'd better try to get me back:scratchhead: At least until he learned how to manage his business on his own and finances better. He started asking me so he could learn but it didn't last. Made me wonder. I was thrilled, I'd love help in this area but can't get him to learn it..

Now when I first started thinking he may be having an affair it was me who worked out, got a new hair cut, lost weight, and made new friends and became independent in preparation for being alone I decided to take care of me. So I wonder if he decided he liked how I looked, and since other men were noticing he'd better do something..I don't know. 

I think these doubts prevent me from letting my guard down but then I read something like this and think its good I don't let my guard down.

Sorry didn't mean to hijack this thread.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Glad to hear you are keeping a clear head. Your move down south can be an excellent time to make the break. You know what you have to do. PREPARE. Your eyes are open and the blinders are off. She will cheat again. No one renews their vows only to turn around and screw two guys within four months, and is committed to anything but an orgasm. Separate finances. Make your plans. Get the kids. And dump the cheating skank.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I agree thats just not right I dont think you should stay she wont change and doesnt want to it sounds like.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

anon99999 said:


> I think that is what I am going to have to do.


Keep your eyes and options open. Like the others have said her past behavior doesn't boad well. Good luck!!


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Reguardless of what you decide you need to learn forgivness. You can forgive and still never speak to your brother. You can forgive and still divorce.
You are holding onto resentment and allowing it to still affect you (your brothers stupidity happened 6 years ago).
Forgivness is not condoning or forgetting. It is about not letting events in the past negatively the present.
Get the book - Forgivness for Good.
I have no other advice for you with your wife. Sounds like she isn't able to hold a course. You know what you know!!!!


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## SEH (Mar 2, 2009)

I am sorry to hear about this unfortunate situation. I agree with what has been said here. Apparently to her the bows do not mean anything and it is time for you to move on. You deserve someone better that treats you with respect. She is disrespectful and selfish and her behaviour will continue.


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## Gooshy (Mar 13, 2009)

you need to divorce with ur wife and move on. it will just keep happening over and over. sorry bud.. really sad to hear this.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Why is it always someone thats close?


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

AnthonyS1980 said:


> Let me tell ya... during my marriage, my wife cheated on me 2 times, made out with a couple guys, and I forgave her. All of that stuff happened at least seven years ago, so I thought we survived the affair, and we were a stronger couple for it. I thought my relationship with my wife was special and we could get through anything if we just kept the lines of communication open.
> About six months ago, she started making drastic improvements in her life: she started going to school, began a new job in her field of study, lost a ton of weight, got a new wardrobe, fixed her credit, and got a new car.
> Finally! My wife was taking responsibility for her own life! I was so proud of her!
> 
> ...


This is exactly how i feel. I'm stuck. We have a kid and a nice house. I love my lifestyle that is attached to this marriage but I dont love her. I hate her guts I think. I'm making more mistakes as i speak. Please, dump her cheating ass. Let people like Anthony and I feel some sort of redemption.


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## The hurt locker (Sep 8, 2015)

I have been suffering immense pain over last 18 months since my wife revealed multiple partners and several long term sexual affairs.I only wish that she had NOT told me about her affair with my brother.The thoughts of her being with him 1000 times has caused me severe painful ruminations and intense grief thoughts that I'm surprised I haven't ended my life?My thoughts and prayers go out to anyone who has experienced this form of adultery.A word of caution be careful what you ask for?As part of our marriage restoration and healing and being honest I asked her many times about details and situations.I have learned that you don't want to hear about these details it will do nothing but cause more pain.
God Bless


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hut Locker this is a six year old zombie thread. 

Please post your full story in a new thread so we can listen and help.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Hut Locker this is a six year old zombie thread.
> 
> Please post your full story in a new thread so we can listen and help.


I'm pretty sure this has got to be a record for TAM.


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## Sowards Aron (Sep 10, 2015)

You should leave her. I think that she doesn't love you anymore. How could she do such cruel thing to you??


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Divorce your wife, divorce your brother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

In the only cases of this I know about the other brother has repeated interactions with his brother's wife or SO. First wife, second wife, girl friend. What have you. That seems to be a pattern. Also, if your wife or girlfriend will sleep with your brother that has to be it for her too.


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

sunflower said:


> everone deserves a second chance .


No way. Cheaters don't deserve _anything._

Its perfectly ok to kick them to the curb after the first transgression, they are owed nothing.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

warshaw said:


> No way. Cheaters don't deserve _anything._
> 
> Its perfectly ok to kick them to the curb after the first transgression, they are owed nothing.


I'm in the camp of it depends on the nature and severity of the infraction. In many cases I think it can take some time to sort that out. Also I am in the camp of those in Texas who have said as I am told "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice . . . [long pause] . . . well you can't get fooled again."


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

Harken Banks said:


> I'm in the camp of it depends on the nature and severity of the infraction.


How severe the cheating is?

About the only difference could be the size of the guys penis.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

OK....he may have blood relation but he is NOT your brother!!! Who dug up this thread?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is a zombie thread from a long time ago. I'm closing it.


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