# cold behaviour of my husband



## chutki (Jul 13, 2012)

I am really confused of my husband's behaviour..i love him but with his cold behaviour towards me ..he's making it diffcult to show my love for him...all the even more he's pissing me off...i am not able to do anything about it...
We both r living separately now and its been 10 months now...not divorced yet...all these 10 months i tried asking him to get back...stayed mum for a while...mailed him called him...have done all sort of things...whenever i used to mail him ...he never used to understand my feelings...instead used to reply back so harshly which i wasnt able to take...still inspite of that i tried being in contact with him...on our last call we had an argument again...he constantly says things about me which i havent done...i always feel i am not responsible for what he imagine things about me and for his negative thinking...so i used to defend myself...in that way never ever a solution came in any of our talks....he said its over for him...and warned me not to mail him with all my stupid thoughts and feelings...i was really hurt by that and stopped mailing him....its been a month now...and 2 days back i felt i miss him and mailed to him ...he didnt even replied back...seeing his cold behaviour pissed me off....he gave me so much pain by leaving me for all petty reasons...and now he is so insensitive...all these months he never even bothered to call me by himself...he is not filing for divorce...nor he is asking me to file for one...same time not coming back to me nor asking me to come....no matter how many times i had explained him about my feelings...he always feel he is right,he gets along well with everyone but not with me...so its my fault...he is not calling...nor mailing...not even bothered abt me...he is just moving on with his life just keeping me on hold....i love him i miss him same time seeing his cold behaviour makes me remember all the hurt he has given to me...actual situation should be i should leave him for all his tantrums and he should plead me to come back...since i was the one who suffered a lot...but in my case...in marriage or out of marriage its only me who is suffering....i wonder how cum i developed soft feelings for him coz hardly we have any good moments together....its just maximum of the time we behaved like roommates....he says its not love its just feeling of leaving someone with whom we shared a couple of years...all his words pisses me off....how can he say its just roommates missing feeling and nothing more than that....

i dont know if anyone has understood anything that i am going through....what i need to do now...is it good to be in touch with him when he is so insensitive...or leave our fate to destiny...i love him and am not able to do anything without him but same time i dont see any future with him...i can do anything and everything for him...but he doesnt listen to me considers me...all he listens to is his mom....i cant get along with her...i cant stay with them in the same house.....i tried being truthful and caring with her...but she is the same the typical mother in law holding her rich son...and not letting him go...showing all my negatives in a large way...hiding all the good things i do...negative talk about my parents poisoning his mind with all of her narrow thoughts....can mothers be so selfish...? same time i feel my husband is like a small kid ...he isnt thinking properly...why should i leave him for the sake of my mil...thats what is bothering me...i serioulsy am having all these thoughts abt them running on my mind 24 by 7...with these thoughts i am not able to do anything...eating more...stressing myself...putting on weight...whiling away time just browsing on net...
please anyone advice me..on my problem...


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## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

Chutki, how awful! I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I can relate to much of what you wrote (especially the living like roommates comment- ouch). 

He is being so cruel (down right abusive) and you *do not* deserve this treatment!! Although difficult as h*ll, you may need to go No Contact. Try to ignore him (and his insensitive mother) and focus on you now. 

Also, consider filing for divorce yourself if that's what you truly want. Who knows what games he's playing. 

I don't get my STBXH's behavior either. This is not the man I knew. Give yourself time to mourn. Cry, punch your pillow, do whatever you need to do (safely) to feel your emotions. Have you thought about seeking counseling? It might help to work through your thoughts in a structured environment.


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## livemylife (May 26, 2012)

He has unfortunately moved on and for your own mental and physical health you need to let go and move on too sweetie. By chasing him, sending him your words of love and having it ignored or cruelly dismissed is only damaging your self esteem and you as a person. 

Don't wait on him, take the ball back into your court and show yourself that you are an independent person who no longer needs him. Show yourself you deserve better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chutki (Jul 13, 2012)

Thank you BronteVillette and livemylife for your replies...
I have this continuous thoughts running on my mind about him...about whose wrong whose right etc....i dont know how had i whiled away 10 months of time since our separation...i havent done anything worthwhile...ended up losing my own good qualities...i really am not digest the feeling that how can he be so insensitive to me...? he says "he dont want to be emotional this time and get back to me..."

do i need to really follow the 180 rule ...i have tried not being in contact with him for a month and more...he didnt even bother to reply back nor called me....all the past 10 months its was mostly me mailing him and asking him to call me...then he used to call and with our last conversation he has told me not to mail or disturb him....now if i also stop being in touch with him will this relation subside....
i dont know if i am not able to come into reality where he has moved on and not wanting me to come back....
i have to do a bit of reading to search for a new job...but i wasnt able to...in 1 hr i read for 10 min think about him for the remaining...this is how it is happening..

I went to counselling a couple of months back...they gave me some advices but they said they can help more if they know the version of my husband too...my hubby is not anyway ready for it nor he is in the country rite now....he just fled thinking tht if i file for a divorce his career plans might get upset...

i am not knowing his intention behing he not talking to me...not divorcing me nor asking me to ..or is he just pissing me more and lead me to file a divorce...i really cant understand him and what to do...


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## meowmers (Dec 10, 2009)

I know that this is hard but I would really consider no contact. It hurts and it feels like you are going to lose everything. The thing is that you are going through hell now and anything else would be a step up in the right direction. If he has sworn you off, you can't do anything about it. Focus on yourself and what you need to do to get yourself in a better place.

Good luck!


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