# Open Marriages Are Not "Committed"



## Justice44 (Apr 5, 2010)

Hopefully my following comment will explain why I do not think sexual fidelity should be intrinsically important to all marriages. Here it is:

I do not understand why sexual fidelity is necessary in marriages if the marriage is happy without sexual fidelity. If you were an in a 10 plus year open marriage and your level of happiness was equal to the level of happiness in a “closed” marriage, why should you be concerned about being monogamous or simply being abstinent outside of marriage? According to them, simply respecting the rule of sexual abstinence because it is simply a rule makes no sense. 

Many critics claim that monogamy offers the greatest promise of soul mates staying together. However, it does not give the greatest promise of preventing heartache. One could fall in love with someone outside of marriage or fall out of love in the marriage and obtain a divorce. Neither of things requires sex and both of these things are as devastating as the risk in open marriage. 

Note: I have heard many reports that swingers have a lower divorce rate than monogamous marriage. Actually, I thought that the swingers had a higher divorce rate than monogamous marriage. I will keep researching this and perhaps show some studies in my replies.


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## publicme (Mar 4, 2010)

Just a general comment on the subject..., sorry. 

If so many people have so many difficulties with their one-on-one relationships, how can life be easier or better with multiple simultaneous relationships? It would seem potentially impossible, very hard... 

But I can imagine it being more easy if you're in a small community of polyamorists where you gather frequently to discuss all the problems and help each other with it, so you have others helping to set parameters for how things can (should?) work. 

So, at first, I was thinking it's unworkable, now in a special "community" context, maybe it can work.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

there is low divorce rate because many of the "long term couples" are not married. 
after 20 years of marriage me and hubby (only one i had ever been with ever) thought we would go to a club and see what it was about were not close minded people.
when 1st there we mingled and meet and greets are not you walk in and get in a sex circle by any means there is a front room looks like a normal bar setting in the back well different there are rooms and hot tubs and group areas (that is another story)
anyway I mingled out front with hubby all that night and every one we talked to were married and divorced and here with another long term partner (but not remarried) or never married and with a long term partner or single ladies (normally on there 1st 2nd or even 3rd divorce and none sounding healthy) and well the single men were there for the party.
there were hotties and average and then the normal, like i said looks just like a normal bar... now just well for the singles it was the ideal place you pick up a girl or guy and go in the back then out to the party again. For the couples it is more back and forth and rules to the games.
just wanted to share my experience, divorce rate is not high in swinging (and i looked into more than just that one night) because marriage rate is not as high in swinging.
as for the "community" most of the women in that are young when they get into it and they know no different so they are ok with it.


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

Yea, we went to our first party like momof6 was talking about.... the first party is exactly like she said, a bar type of experience with a d.j. and dancing- (the one we went to had about 200 people there) For us, alot of the people were married, but there were about just as many in a long term relationship. There was also an afterparty, but THAT is whole different subject hahaha.....

Anyways back to the o.p.- to each their own. My hubs n I have never swinged- nor are we looking to do any type of "full swap" but from people that we have talked to, if youre swinging with a married couple- you know who you are there with, you know who youre leaving with. I think it is possible for it to work in a marriage, but there needs to be NON STOP COMMUNICATION!!!!- No taking one for the team (haha), no going farther than you want, and ya....actuallly theres ALOT to talk about when thinking about it. 

But i do agree that it is possible to have a open marriage (swinging- not actually dating ppl w/out ur partner there) as long and you both are very clear on what youre looking for and whats expected....


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