# Men cheat more than women and other BS



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

I know everyone is currently aware of the AM disaster as it's saturated the media as of late but has anyone notice how the media is portraying this as strictly a male issue how its every cheating husbands worst nightmare even though a lot if not a huge chunk of the names and emails that have been leaked where married women so why the double standard why does society and social norms continue to enforce the belief /fallacy that men are the most likely to cheat on there partners then women?


Based upon my observations in life I think is probably more 50 50 the only difference being men are more likely to get caught as the other woman is usually playing for keeps and is more willing to expose the affair to get what they want while the another man on the other hand is enjoying the benefits of no strings attached sex with very little to no effort having to be put in to maintain the relationship it's essentially every scumbags dream plenty of sex on someone else's dime.. 



So my question for you is this do you believe that men are more likely to cheat on their partners or do you feel this is a social fallacy that needs to be phased out


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Maybe it's just me but I always figured that cheating requires two. Hence the cheating rate would need to be really close for each sex. 

As for correcting media bias.. This isn't the only adjustment needed.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

In reading various forums, I think the ratio is pretty close to even.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

There are times I wish this forum had a post anonymously button. This thread starter is interesting but is just likely to start a flame storm. Nothing of value is likely to be determined. In fact the reference I want to quote is so far back in my memory that I'll never find it, so it will be dismissed as hearsay. In the late 80's or early 90s, the hot new relationship book was recommending affairs for women. The claim was that it was just something that every woman needed.

Last time I suggested that all of those cheating men must be cheating with someone I was assured that mostly it was single women. Apparently Home Wrecking is a lesser sin than Adultery. At this point I'm not willing to stick my toe in the fire. I was born with a p3n1s therefore I must cheat.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Nobody ever said it was a male issue. In fact, you see all the time on TAM where men are whining that women are cheating SO much more than they used to. Um no, women have always cheated, it's just that men aren't used to women being able to do this in the open and actually dump them. Men have always been free to cheat but women were dependent and socially it was frowned upon.....Hubby could beat her up or leave her with nothing and she had no way to do for herself. That has changed.

AM was a mostly male only deal.....women who want to cheat can find a hookup anywhere they want. A lot of men seem to have this idea that they can pay money and order exactly what they want.....that's the premise of AM. If women were willing to go that route there would've been a lot more real women on the site.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

You might as well rename "coping with infidelity" to "cheating women stories" cause that's what 90% of them are. 

Depends on the source I guess but I'm going with close to 50/50 too. These guys aren't all boning some tiny pool of women.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Married women might not cheat at the same rate as married men, but its not as big a margin as society seems to generally assume it is.

Plus....I don't know how this fact is supposed to demonstrate some type of female 'moral' superiority or something of that nature....like they are somehow better than those 'pig' men.

That higher number of cheating men must be cheating with women....which means there must be a lot of single women willing to screw around with married men.

Not much 'moral' superiority to hang your hat on there.

The fact is, there are lots of sh*tty people of both genders with zero respect for M, whether their own or other people's.

Trying to define any infidelity issue as being primarily about one gender or the other is stupid....men and women cheat TOGETHER.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I feel like it's pretty even and I have read research supporting that.

I've also learned that women are better at not getting caught.

If I look at people I have know, nearly every couple I have known has infidelity. It's 50/50 when it comes to who did it.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

where_are_we said:


> I've also learned that women are better at not getting caught.


Because they are smarter than men. Always have been and always will be.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Not smarter.

Women have just always had to be more careful...the consequences for them, both socially and because they are usually physically weaker than their BH's, are still often catastrophic today...and in the past were FAR WORSE.

Men, on the other hand, have never had to face a backlash that severe, especially in the past....so they have never bothered to be as careful about hiding it....with the possible exception of screwing around with another man's WW....that sh*t used to get you beat or even killed.

Though society is changing a lot over the past few decades, with women more openly cheating like men have always done, the patterns of behavior have not caught up to these changes.

Women will still tend to be more careful, and men more cavalier.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

When online dating was new, men outnumbered women by quite a lot. Now that OLD is not new and is used by many millions of people, the gender ratio has balanced out pretty well.

Since AM was a brand new thing, nothing else like it...it make sense that men went for it first. The fact that AM then made millions of fake women's accounts to keep the guys there and paying, making it look to them like there was a more equal gender ratio, is supposedly part of why the hackers outed them. They called AM a scam and announced that was mostly men from the beginning.

I don't think it in anyway reflects the number of men versus women who cheat. It just reflects that men will sign up for that kind of thing...like porn sites, chat sites, etc. 

I have a female friend who had an account on AM. She said she was slammed with messages immediately, even though she had no picture up! She sorted through them, and said it was like a beauty pageant...there were so many, that she had several who were tall, gorgeous dudes who were just her type. Which is totally unusual compared to regular online dating experiences, where the gender ratio is more balanced.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

intheory said:


> Yes, that has always fascinated me, BetrayedDad.
> 
> Some people here have said it's because men are reluctant to tell their friends they are being cheated on; whereas women will talk to their friends and family in real life?
> 
> ...



have you also notice the articles in CWI about cheating wives as well. The new thread is about a wife eing a ho, the ****** ******* wife, the marine wife who sat on the toilet, the wife who drowned while cheating.

Am I the only one who notices this. In fact, if you look through CWI, I cannot remember seeing an article where the main focus is on the male cheater. Most of these articles and posted from other sites have the female as the focal point.

I understand why, since CWI is mostly frequented by men and of course they would look for other cheating wives stories to post.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In the days of yore, I think that men far outdistanced women in the cheaters market as they were the minions of businesses and could pretty well get away with anything!

With women's meteoric rise over the 20th and 21st century in the worldwide workplace, I think that the playing field has been drastically leveled! Add to the equation the social media sites and their being able to hide their tracks so much better, I really feel that women have truly taken the lead in committing adultery over their male counterparts!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

intheory said:


> There are some women who post about their cheating husbands. Sorry, I can't link to any, or remember their titles. But I have participated in a few.
> 
> Like I said, women may tend to turn to their sisters, mothers, friends etc, for comfort - and not feel ashamed to do so.
> 
> It may hurt a guys ego more to have to confess to a male friend or relative that his wife went elsewhere for sex. I don't know; just an idea.:|




I am not talking about their own personal stories. I am talking about wives from different sites. These are wives of different men that some on here post the stories on. The ****** ******* wife who cheated is not married to anyone on this site. The story is from a different site linked to here. The story about the marine wife in Hawaii is another story about a cheating wife linked to TAM. These stories did not originate from TAM.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I agree, @Mr.Fisty. All these "cheating wife caught on camera!" YouTube videos feel a bit tabloidish. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Based purely on the number of separations I see and the cheater identified, I think it is close to 50/50 as well.

But I think it is a number that was previously quite biassed toward men and is in the process of shifting to a higher bias toward women.

Seems women have a higher sense of entitlement and expectation of men these days which they use more and more to justify cheating to themselves. 

Just my opinion.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

I think it's quite close to 50/50. As to why it doesn't appear so here on tam, I've noticed that, coincidence or not, posts by BW seem to get less responses than posts by BHs. My first post here got, I think, 1 reply. My first post on a more woman-dominated infidelity forum got dozens. Additionally, having posts with the word 'ho,' uncensored, right in the title, can make some women feel uncomfortable. (the words slvt and wh0re are also seen often in this section and are similarly unwelcoming to many women.) And, as others have said, IMO most women have more outlets for discussing deeply personal and sensitive topics than men, leading us to more often confide in friends/family/mentors/etc.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

intheory said:


> There are some women who post about their cheating husbands. Sorry, I can't link to any, or remember their titles. But I have participated in a few.
> 
> Like I said, women may tend to turn to their sisters, mothers, friends etc, for comfort - and not feel ashamed to do so.
> 
> It may hurt a guys ego more to have to confess to a male friend or relative that his wife went elsewhere for sex. I don't know; just an idea.:|


I think you're on to something here. My best friend got divorced about 15 years ago because his wife was running around on him and he finally caught her. You know, I was the only person he told, other than his mother. 

It's not exactly something us men would be proud of or want discussed in public. I think women are just much more open about this sort of thing and would get empathy from others. I think men are more likely to get judged by other men as being weak for letting this happen to them. Hell, we see it on the threads around here. Obviously that's shouldn't be the case but I do believe that perception exists.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> Not smarter.
> 
> Women have just always had to be more careful...the consequences for them, both socially and because they are usually physically weaker than their BH's, are still often catastrophic today...and in the past were FAR WORSE.



Another good reason is the fact that a wayward wife market value in the dating game isn't much improved with a divorce due to infidelity, children and potential ex husband drama in her background isn't something many single men are going to want to slap a ring on..


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Because they are smarter than men. Always have been and always will be.


Some could also say more deceptive but I'm not going there


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

dignityhonorpride said:


> I think it's quite close to 50/50. As to why it doesn't appear so here on tam,* I've noticed that, coincidence or not, posts by BW seem to get less responses than posts by BHs. My first post here got, I think, 1 reply. My first post on a more woman-dominated infidelity forum got dozens.* Additionally, having posts with the word 'ho,' uncensored, right in the title, can make some women feel uncomfortable. (the words slvt and wh0re are also seen often in this section and are similarly unwelcoming to many women.) And, as others have said, IMO most women have more outlets for discussing deeply personal and sensitive topics than men, leading us to more often confide in friends/family/mentors/etc.




I've noticed this too and I can only speak from my own personal point of view in those situations I usually recommend to the betrayed wife that she should separate or divorce from her cheating husband but I'm usually in a situation where the majority of the respondents are in favour of a second chance and reconciliation and in that environment my opinion adds nothing to the discussion so I usually don't bother replying or simply stop replying all together.. 




just my two cents as to why the disparity


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

lifeistooshort;13517882[B said:


> ]Nobody ever said it was a male issue. In fact, you see all the time on TAM where men are* whining *that women are cheating SO much more than they used to.[/B]




What you might interpret as "whining" I interpret as the horrifying realization that there's no such thing as a quote "fairer sex" that you could spend a large chunk of your life with someone share many experiences with that person and never truly know them but this horrifying realization is gender neutral...


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I agree that the notion that men cheat more than women is BS. I can't speak on how things used to be. But these days married women hunt the same as men do. Forget subtle flirtation. They can be very forward. 

I know I'm painting a bleak picture here, but I also think fewer single women care about the stigma of being labeled a home wrecker. They are the exact same as men who think its perfectly ok to hook up with someones spouse. In short, women are exactly like men. For better or worse.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> I agree that the notion that men cheat more than women is BS. I can't speak on how things used to be. But these days married women hunt the same as men do. Forget subtle flirtation. They can be very forward.
> 
> I know I'm painting a bleak picture here, but I also think fewer single women care about the stigma of being labeled a home wrecker. They are the exact same as men who think its perfectly ok to hook up with someones spouse. In short, women are exactly like men. For better or worse.[/QUO this
> 
> exactly this!


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

I hope no one takes offense to this, and I also hope we realize that in this sort of topic we can only invoke general truths, but here we go.

It seems that women gravitate toward social networking sites and applications. There is an astonishing amount of activity on facebook, snapchat, etc. Almost all of my female friends have tinder/twitter/snapchat accounts and use them very, very regularly. To an annoying level I might add. 

Males seem to lean more towards forums. As someone mentioned before me, if you looked at this site, you'd think that 90% of infidelity problems stem from women. They clearly don't, so there has to be something else going on. I think most forum-based sites are frequented by men. I don't think there's a lot of women who regularly open up Reddit or the dreaded 4chan. 

You'd also think, looking at the Coping With Infidelity section, that all marriages are doomed. This is also untrue. 

Although I must confess sometimes the future of marriage looks pretty bleak.


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> I agree that the notion that men cheat more than women is BS. I can't speak on how things used to be. But these days married women hunt the same as men do. Forget subtle flirtation. They can be very forward.
> 
> I know I'm painting a bleak picture here, but I also think fewer single women care about the stigma of being labeled a home wrecker. They are the exact same as men who think its perfectly ok to hook up with someones spouse. In short, women are exactly like men. For better or worse.


The more freedom people have the more opportunity there is for disaster. To any who might interpret that, I'm not saying that freedom is bad. I'm saying that there are times when people make very poor choices with their freedom. 

Also, women have more freedom and empowerment now than they ever have in the history of mankind. At the risk of sounding a bit sexist, I believe society should be a bit understanding as they get used to that freedom. Women have been oppressed for a very, very long time.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> I think you're on to something here. My best friend got divorced about 15 years ago because his wife was running around on him and he finally caught her. You know, I was the only person he told, other than his mother.
> 
> It's not exactly something us men would be proud of or want discussed in public. I think women are just much more open about this sort of thing and would get empathy from others. I think men are more likely to get judged by other men as being weak for letting this happen to them. Hell, we see it on the threads around here. Obviously that's shouldn't be the case but I do believe that perception exists.


This exactly. Believe it or not, this was one of the first things I thought when my marriage was ending - I was worried what others would think of me that I couldn't keep her happy enough at home that she had to go look elsewhere. I now know that's complete BS, and am no longer embarrassed to say that I was cheated on, but there are BH out there feeling judged.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

xakulax said:


> So my question for you is this do you believe that men are more likely to cheat on their partners or do you feel this is a social fallacy that needs to be phased out


In my profession I see where it is almost always the wife who cheats while the husband is away. I have heard some rumors of a few husbands cheating on the road, but have never seen it happen or had someone tell me they are cheating. But the number of cheating wives is staggering, especially in first marriages.

In middle class America I think women cheat at least as often as men in marriages and exclusive long term relationships. Idk about the upper and lower classes.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I troll a few other boards, it appears to me that CWI in TAM caters to BHs, while other sites seem to cater to BWs more. Might just be due to the folks who frequent each site. It gives the site its own unique personality and this site seems to be more BH friendly.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

50 years ago, women were not as prevalent in the workforce as they are today. Their "opportunities" for cheating situations were less, or, more restricted to, say, the post-man, milk-man, etc.

As women entered the workforce, more exposure to men on a daily basis translated into more opportunities to cheat.

I do not think women are more likely to cheat then men, or men more likely to cheat then women. Men and women, do, though, cheat for different reasons. Men usually cheat for sex; women, for attention.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

> So my question for you is this do you believe that men are more likely to cheat on their partners or do you feel this is a social fallacy that needs to be phased out


It's been my observation that women in my area cheat more than men. As I said in another thread, it's like an epidemic. 2 1/2 years ago my divorce attorney and mediator both told me it was about 50/50 in their practices but they admit that many of the women filing for divorce would not discuss the real reason they were filing and with no-fault divorce, they didn't need to. It was no surprise, the wives whose husband were cheating, were all too happy to talk about it. They both said that women were much less likely to admit they had cheating on their husbands. Men are far less likely to admit that their wives were cheating on them. So, in the end, less people would know if the wife was cheating. I also read a study that suggested that women that cheated were less likely to admit they cheated, even on anonymous questionnaire.

I personally know 14 men, whose wives cheated on them…all within the last 5 years. Up until yesterday it was 13. Unfortunately, a male colleague reached out to me yesterday and shared with me his all too familiar cheating wife story. I agree with other posters that women get away with it more than men. Women are much more sensitive to detecting the subtle changes in behavior and emotional energy in cheating men than the other way around. Also, men are usually more predictable in terms of how they spend their spare time. Have you ever heard of a man going shopping at the mall for 4 hours...and his wife believing him? Women do that kind of stuff all the time. I also believe that most men would never consider that their wives would cheat on them unless they have had some experience with it. Like me, most men blissfully like to think of their wives as being pure, wholesome and honest. Women, on the other hand, have been raised hearing phrases like “all men are pigs” and “men can’t control themselves”. Because of this, most women’s radar is always on naturally. Thus, cheating men are discovered more often.



> Seems women have a higher sense of entitlement and expectation of men these days which they use more and more to justify cheating to themselves.


I agree with this...I've see it. My XWW was the poster child for entitlement and justification. This combined with more women in the work force and society excepting and even glamorizing infidelity, it's no surprise to see this trend on the rise.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

intheory said:


> Yes, that has always fascinated me, BetrayedDad.
> 
> *Some people here have said it's because men are reluctant to tell their friends they are being cheated on; whereas women will talk to their friends and family in real life?*
> 
> ...


I believe that this (the part in bold) is exactly the phenomenon that leads to us seeing more BHs than BWs here at TAM.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I agree that the notion that men cheat more than women is BS. I can't speak on how things used to be. But these days married women hunt the same as men do. Forget subtle flirtation. They can be very forward.
> 
> I know I'm painting a bleak picture here, but I also think fewer single women care about the stigma of being labeled a home wrecker. They are the exact same as men who think its perfectly ok to hook up with someones spouse. In short, women are exactly like men. For better or worse.


I agree. If there were five times as many men cheating as women, those women would have to be very very busy. So I think that it is pretty much 1 to 1.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

intheory said:


> And men can start telling people in real life that their wife is cheating on them, because we all know that women are just as likely to stray if they get the chance; so the husband has nothing to be ashamed of.


I work in very close quarters with people, usually men. We get enough down time to chat about lots of stuff, including everything about family, finances, politics, world events, and spouses. It doesn't take much at all to get the guys to open up about their wives. Just below the surface is a very common thread of issues and concerns about fidelity.

Just bring up facebook and at least half will have a story about their wife and an ex getting far too chummy on fb. Bring up coming home early and there are plenty of stories of catching their wife with another man. Bring up suspicions and there are tons of stories about red flags.

Most men seem to keep these suspicions and problems submerged as much as possible, in a state of denial about what the reality probably is. The ones who've actually caught their wife cheating or divorced a cheating wife have a much more realistic attitude.


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