# Compare myself to other women during sex



## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

My self esteem isn't all that, that is obvious. My boyfriend has been to a nude strip club, had a lap dance way before he ever met me. And has his portion of porn 
I find it hard to enjoy sex, because he has seen those beautiful bodies. So I'm thinking of my belly: oops it's too bloathed, it moves, my boobs aren't perky enough, my labia are outies, etc. 
As one can imagine, this ruins the pleasure!
Do other women have these thoughts too during sex? What do men think about none stripper/porn bodies after seeing them so much? Thanks for all imput!


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Yup, I do sometimes. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IceQueen (Feb 25, 2013)

I would love to feel up Tatum Channing, but that isn't going to ever happen. It is just a fantasy!

Unless a man has a hard-body he knows that he isnt going to get a woman with a hard body, it is all a fantasy.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

I'm am male and you need to stop beating yourself up.
What does his actions show you.Most males while were with
wife or gf and having sex ect,were usually thinking how much fun it is and how lucky we are.

My wife has thought this way for years,finally found out
and she gets that I think shes sexy.You want to make him
happy, let it go and accept he finds you exciting and hot.

Hot,Sexy and attractive is very different for every person.
He is attracted to the whole package.Body and mind.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

IceQueen said:


> I would love to feel up Tatum Channing, but that isn't going to ever happen. It is just a fantasy!
> 
> Unless a man has a hard-body he knows that he isnt going to get a woman with a hard body, it is all a fantasy.


I think that's the wrong way of thinking about it. That says that he's settling for a lesser body and just accept it. I don't think that is necessarily the case. There are plenty of guys who are totally into women who have bodies that jiggle a bit.  I'm one of them. Just because there is a media stereotype that everyone must love stick figures or hard bodies, doesn't make it true.

My wife has been losing weight. She bought a pair of pants today and texted me all excited because she's now a size 4. Frankly, I'd rather have her butt back than have her in a size 4.

OP, apparently you are his preference. Stop sweating it. A woman with a "real" body who isn't afraid to "work it" is hot as hell. But an insecure woman who hides herself is not hot at all, regardless of what the mirror shows.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Yep, that is what I think sometimes, he must be settling... Just hard to understand he could love me, with my average body. His ex was flat/skinny, but he had a long term obese lover too.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Catfan please stop letting this keep you from enjoying all your entitled to.IF your bf never wanted to be intimate then you have a problem.I'll bet he is attracted to your type of personality and
normal body.

He likes your whole package.A lot of guys would find a perfect 10
female body a turnoff is she is high maintenance or she is a narcisist
or b.....


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Rather than focusing on all the things that you don't like about yourself, make it a practice of focusing on what you do like.

Every morning look in the mirror, focus on your eyes, or hair, or anything that you think is attractive. 

These will help you begin to love yourself more. Each of us are individuals and should be very much in love with ourselves. 

If you compare a fish to a bird, it will always think it is a failure because it can't fly. 

Embrace the imperfections, those little details that make you unique! 

It takes time, but trust me (had low self esteem too), it does get better when you embrace all that is you and love yourself.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

That's why we do it in the dark.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Catfan your posts make me think you are a Cool Chick 

Stop sweating it

Just have fun ALWAYS


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

I only notice that my wife might have a slight weight problem if she points it out for me. Most guys will only see the breasts that are not perky enough and stomachs that are a bit jiggly after their mates point them out time after time.

Yeah strippers and porn stars have awesome bodies, lord Vader has an awesome Death Star, and knights have awesome armors. Will I ever get to screw a porn star, ride in a space ship or wear a medieval armor? Nah.

By the way one if the sexiest things my wife ever did for me was to go to a strip club with me.


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## nofrigginclue (Mar 9, 2013)

Catfan - 

I am a man. I have been with lots and lots and lots of women of ALL shapes and sizes. Never once has looks come into the equation on whether or not she was the sexiest woman alive.....or not.

YOU are sexy to us because we love YOU for who YOU are, not who you aren't. And BELIEVE ME a girl with a 10 in the looks category can still VERY MUCH be a woman that is SO ugly that I would never give her a second look. (Think of the movie shallow hal)

Seriously the movie shallow hal is how we really see you. If you are nice and sweet and compatible and accommodating and sexual and frisky and funny and fair and ..... so on.... we see you as the sexy creature that you ARE. If you are a total B-word and moody and mean and frigid and unfair and ..... so on...... we see you as the ugly troll that you ARE. 

I'm sure you see us the same way. Think of a hot guy that was a REAL JERK. Did you still think he was sexy or a fantasy guy once you found out he was a jerk? Did you "settle" by NOT being with that Jerk? Nope!


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I totally relate. After seeing all the gorgous girls my H looks at online I find myself thinking "how can I compete with that?"

I'm not getting any younger and that rock hard body died the day my son was born....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If during sex you are thinking about what you body looks like, you are thinking of the wrong thing.

Acutally I don't think during sex. I just do and enjoy.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

catfan said:


> My self esteem isn't all that, that is obvious. My boyfriend has been to a nude strip club, had a lap dance way before he ever met me. And has his portion of porn
> I find it hard to enjoy sex, because he has seen those beautiful bodies. So I'm thinking of my belly: oops it's too bloathed, it moves, my boobs aren't perky enough, my labia are outies, etc.
> As one can imagine, this ruins the pleasure!
> Do other women have these thoughts too during sex? What do men think about none stripper/porn bodies after seeing them so much? Thanks for all imput!


Let me try to explain this like a car. I enjoy going to car shows and seeing some pretty exotic cars like a Ferrari or a Lamborghini and at the time I can imagine myself behind the wheel as I stand there in front of the car. I like to imagine myself taking it for a spin even though I know its not going to happen. 

On the way home in my old Chevy Pickup truck, I am a happy guy without really any thoughts of the cars I saw at the show. Ladies you give us to much credit. When there is a lady in front of us, that are doing things we enjoy, we don't have the pop ups that you experience. We are not thinking about the last car we saw at the car show. We are thinking about what fun I can have in my own Chevy truck. Oh and by the way. I love getting my Chevy truck a little dirty and I know the guy with that show car. Never gets to take it where I take my Chevy truck. 

I know I can afford to maintain my truck. I know I can never afford the Maintenance on one of those high end exotic cars, plus I can park my truck and know I don't have every guy in the world wanting to take it for a ride. Yes I am happy with truck. She treats me well and takes me any place I want to go as long as I take care of her needs.


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## Cigar56 (Mar 9, 2013)

True friendship, common interests, love in the relationship and enthusiastic performance in the bedroom far outweigh facial features and body type.

Sure, we'd all like to hit the homerun and have it all, but as a man, I could be perfectly happy with a woman who was overweight, and below average in looks if she had the qualities I list above. 

A beauty queen who won't do this, won't do that and has little real interest in sex is not much fun.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

LOL one thing I remember that I saw on line, was this hot amazing babe in a bikini I mean if there is no 10. She was a 9.9999.

Under the picture read this.....

There is a man out there that is tired up putting up with her ****!

Every time I see a hot looking Model I remember that quote. :rofl:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here's the thing...when you are the only naked woman in a room, you look like a million bucks!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Ignore everyone else's posts. Read mine and seamaiden's again. All this stuff about enjoying the Chevy or liking you cause you're the only one in the room is just plain wrong. It all wreaks of settling. It's not settling. My wife may not be everyone's fantasy, but to me she IS the Ferrari.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> I totally relate. After seeing all the gorgous girls my H looks at online I find myself thinking "how can I compete with that?"
> 
> I'm not getting any younger and that rock hard body died the day my son was born....


You're real - they're not. So you don't have to compete. Unless he is spending more time on-line than with you. Or forsaking you for on-line. Even then, you are not really competing with them.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Hmm....WorkingOnMe....how is my post being twisted into "settling"? Who is settling? Me or my husband?

I literally DO feel like a million bucks when I'm naked with my husband and he has been with a very large number of beautiful women so....I really don't get what your post means.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Hmm....WorkingOnMe....how is my post being twisted into "settling"? Who is settling? Me or my husband?
> 
> I literally DO feel like a million bucks when I'm naked with my husband and he has been with a very large number of beautiful women so....I really don't get what your post means.


Sorry, I read your post as implying that the reason she looks like a million bucks is because she's the only woman available to him. I feel like my woman looks like a million bucks. Not because she's the only one naked in the room with me. But simply because she looks like a million bucks. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but I would suspect that the OP, being as insecure as she is feeling, would read it that way.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My point was really, that all the women my H has been with or seen naked, are NOT in the room in that moment. *I* am. His eyes and his mind are on ME because I am the only naked woman in the room.

If I were to be laying there worrying about what other women look like, I would actually be *bringing* another woman into the bedroom with us, even if she was only in my mind. But by deliberately keeping our bedroom private from all others....including and especially in the mental realm....I am always the only naked woman in the room with him and I do always look like a million bucks.

I acutally am very happy with my body, even though it isn't "perfect" and I do know my husband is totally into me. For a short time when we were first together, I did worry a bit about those beautiful women he had been with before me. It took me awhile to get the hang of the idea of being the only naked woman in the room, and how I was *not* the only naked in the room if I insisted on continuing to bring his past into the room with him.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

SeaMaiden said:


> H*ll, my husband comments how beautiful I am and how much he wants me even when I'm coming to bed with no makeup, my hair in a ponytail and wearing sweats.  I don't consider myself beautiful, but I have never once caught my husband's eye following some "hot" woman when he's with me.


He thinks your hot. Not because you're the only woman in the room. Not because you're all he can "afford". Not because you're the best he can attract. But simply because in his eyes you're hot. It's pretty simple. No qualifiers needed.

Admittedly, not all men feel this way about the women they're with. But it's how I feel. And if OP's husband acts this way too, then I think it's dangerous to over think it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here is another way to look at it: Another woman's beauty does not diminish mine.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

pb76no said:


> You're real - they're not. So you don't have to compete. Unless he is spending more time on-line than with you. Or forsaking you for on-line. Even then, you are not really competing with them.


I guess you cannot expect to be the only person your spouse gets attracted to. We are human after all. But, I'd still rather have his eyes on me than some naked chick from Texas.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Before he told me he went a few times to a strip club and stayed away from the stage. Had one lap dance. Today he told me he went to the stage a few times and handed them money with his mouth, they pick it up with their boobs... The lap dance was no touch, but they stand on the chair mostly, so one looks up their female parts. I know this happened before he knew me, but really, it makes me find it so hard to ever even undress in front of him again. The not telling all makes me trust him less.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Why is he telling you now? Does he want you to learn how to lap dance or something?


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> He thinks your hot. Not because you're the only woman in the room. Not because you're all he can "afford". Not because you're the best he can attract. But simply because in his eyes you're hot. It's pretty simple. No qualifiers needed.
> 
> Admittedly, not all men feel this way about the women they're with. But it's how I feel. And if OP's husband acts this way too, then I think it's dangerous to over think it.


This. 
This. 
This. 

Don't overthink it.

By the time a man is 18, he's seen thousands and thousands and thousands of beautiful women. Seeing another one in porn or a strip club means nothing for how he views you. He'll see another 10 hot women on the street after that. Means nothing about whether or not he thinks you're hot. 

Read what WorkingOnMe says. Re-read it. Then go life your life, comfortable with the knowledge that he thinks you're hot.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

He tells me because I keep pondering about it. Everytime I see a stripper on t.v. it triggers my worries. And sorry, there is no way I can be hot like they are. Obviously he likes the type, otherwise he wouldn't have gone there more than one time. If I would go there, guys would pay me to put clothes on lol. So yes, he must be settling for me, and that hurts. And makes me never to have sex again...


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

catfan said:


> Before he told me he went a few times to a strip club and stayed away from the stage. Had one lap dance. Today he told me he went to the stage a few times and handed them money with his mouth, they pick it up with their boobs... The lap dance was no touch, but they stand on the chair mostly, so one looks up their female parts. I know this happened before he knew me, but really, it makes me find it so hard to ever even undress in front of him again. The not telling all makes me trust him less.


An insight for you maybe - 

There is nothing more pathetic to me than watching these beta losers let these strippers dominate them like this from up above on stage.

My wife likes to go, although three times in three years isn't much. I will not sit anywhere near the stage. In fact, I don't like to sit and watch. I prefer playing pool. 

We tip everyone as a matter of goodwill - bartenders, bouncers, waitresses, the DJ, and strippers, no matter how revolting. That puts the entire staff on your side and they'll treat you well. 

The dancers treat us very differently. You can see that they look down at the guys doing what your husband did. But they all seem really curious about my wife and I, and intimidated by her. The most common thing we hear is how lucky we are, and it is easy to see that they envy my wife and not vice-versa. Here is a guy they can't crack, but this woman has a lock on him. 

If there is any way you can start seeing this from that perspective - that you are the woman who is in possession of this man and she doesn't have power over him, and that it is her looking up to you regardless of how you look, then you will see it as things really are. And if he is one of those pathetic losers sitting up begging at the edge of the stage then he really isn't an alpha male worth having, either by the strippers or by you.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

catfan said:


> He tells me because I keep pondering about it. Everytime I see a stripper on t.v. it triggers my worries. And sorry, there is no way I can be hot like they are. Obviously he likes the type, otherwise he wouldn't have gone there more than one time. If I would go there, guys would pay me to put clothes on lol. So yes, he must be settling for me, and that hurts. And makes me never to have sex again...


He is a man. He would not be married to you if he wasn't sexually attracted to you (this applies to 99% of men, I think). 

1) You do not have to be as hot as they are to be hot to him.
2) Just because he finds them hot doesn't mean he DOESN'T find you hot 
3) Just because he finds them hot doesn't mean he doesn't think you're even hotter.
4) He sees 100 women that are hotter than the strippers in the club in a given week. They all have their clothes on, but he can tell they are hot. Does that make you not want to have sex with him? 

Unless you were literally the most attractive woman on the planet, is he "settling" for you? Is he the most handsome man on the planet? Probably not. Do you find him handsome? Probably.

HE FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE. Finding another woman attractive doesn't change that fact. I'm not condoning his strip club visits, I'm just saying that THEY have nothing to do with him finding you attractive! 

Do you think George Clooney is handsome? (if not, assume I named someone you DO find handsome). Should this fact make your husband think you aren't attracted to him? 

HE FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE. There are lots of men in strip clubs - do you think all of them find their wives/girlfriends unattractive?


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Compare myself to other women during sex*



Cigar56 said:


> True friendship, common interests, love in the relationship and enthusiastic performance in the bedroom far outweigh facial features and body type.
> 
> Sure, we'd all like to hit the homerun and have it all, but as a man, I could be perfectly happy with a woman who was overweight, and below average in looks if she had the qualities I list above.
> 
> A beauty queen who won't do this, won't do that and has little real interest in sex is not much fun.


I don't want to be settled for, and not be his homerun...


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Compare myself to other women during sex*



pb76no said:


> You're real - they're not. So you don't have to compete. Unless he is spending more time on-line than with you. Or forsaking you for on-line. Even then, you are not really competing with them.


That is the problem, the strippers ARE real woman and he saw and touched them. I just can't win...


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Compare myself to other women during sex*



Faithful Wife said:


> Here is another way to look at it: Another woman's beauty does not diminish mine.


As I don't feel I have any beauty, all other women diminish me.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

catfan....would you feel beautiful if you lost weight? Honest question. Not talking about your H for a moment here, just you and your feelings about yourself.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

catfan said:


> As I don't feel I have any beauty, all other women diminish me.


This is going to become a self fulfilling prophecy. You don't think you have any beautiful qualities and will push him away. He will eventually leave because you do this. You then will wallow in pity thinking it's because of your "beauty" that did this. Do you not see this?

I don't know you nor ever seen you but I don't have to. You have beauty because every woman does. If you don't think it is your body, then your eyes, hair, smile, skin, breasts, collarbone, etc do. He wouldn't be with you if you weren't beautiful in many ways.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

One of the most attractive attributes, for both men and women, is confidence. 

I used to have low confidence. I worked hard on changing that. It is something that I work to improve every day. 

I am not a skinny model type and never will be, but I am much more happy with myself and it makes me easier to be around, for me and everyone else as well.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

lovemylife said:


> One of the most attractive attributes, for both men and women, is confidence.
> 
> I used to have low confidence. I worked hard on changing that. It is something that I work to improve every day.
> 
> I am not a skinny model type and never will be, but I am much more happy with myself and it makes me easier to be around, for me and everyone else as well.


Spot on!


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Here is a lovely quote by Abraham that is rather fitting I think. 


"Worthiness, in very simple terms, means I have found a way to let the Energy reach me, the Energy that is natural, reach me. Worthiness, or unworthiness, is something that is pronounced upon you by you. You are the only one that can deem yourself worthy or unworthy. You are the only one who can love yourself into a state of allowing, or hate yourself in a state of disallowing. There is not something wrong with you, nor is there something wrong with one who is not loving you. You are all just, in the moment, practicing the art of not allowing, or the art of resisting"

--- Abraham


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

catfan said:


> I don't want to be settled for, and not be his homerun...


Why do you think you are not his home run?


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## sarajane231 (Mar 12, 2013)

catfan said:


> My self esteem isn't all that, that is obvious. My boyfriend has been to a nude strip club, had a lap dance way before he ever met me. And has his portion of porn
> I find it hard to enjoy sex, because he has seen those beautiful bodies. So I'm thinking of my belly: oops it's too bloathed, it moves, my boobs aren't perky enough, my labia are outies, etc.
> As one can imagine, this ruins the pleasure!
> Do other women have these thoughts too during sex? What do men think about none stripper/porn bodies after seeing them so much? Thanks for all imput!


Yes, I have the same problem sometimes. I guess if you don't have what society considers the perfect body, the perfect breasts, the perfect hair...it can make you feel a little bad. It's shoved down your throat all the time.

Strangely, I was much more self conscious and critical of myself in my teens and twenties (when I had a great body) and now I have a much worse body, I am more confident.

I think this shows that it's all in the mind. The media are to blame a lot for making people feel like we all need to conform to an unattainable level of physical perfection. It's not easy to have "self esteem" when everything around you is sending you messages that you're not good enough.

My friend has a scar across her stomach with 50 staples where she had her cervix removed due to her cancer. Her husband kisses her scar and says he loves it because it saved her life.

Remember what's important I suppose.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

catfan said:


> As I don't feel I have any beauty, all other women diminish me.


Then you have the problem. Not him, not strippers, not all of the other women who "diminish" you. This goes way beyond sex and permeates every moment of your day.

There are steps you can take to become Ms. hard body if it is that important to you, but wallowing in a self-pity party is not one of them. That will make you VERY unattractive, and it is you doing it, not anyone else. 

There are a number of internet resources for gaining self confidence, but the first thing is acknowledging the source of the problem and resolving to take steps to pull you out of it. Nobody can do this except you. I sure hope you make that resolution. Nobody should feel this way.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Wiserforit said:


> Then you have the problem. Not him, not strippers, not all of the other women who "diminish" you. This goes way beyond sex and permeates every moment of your day.
> 
> There are steps you can take to become Ms. hard body if it is that important to you, but wallowing in a self-pity party is not one of them. That will make you VERY unattractive, and it is you doing it, not anyone else.
> 
> There are a number of internet resources for gaining self confidence, but the first thing is acknowledging the source of the problem and resolving to take steps to pull you out of it. Nobody can do this except you. I sure hope you make that resolution. Nobody should feel this way.


Perfectly stated.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Compare myself to other women during sex*



Faithful Wife said:


> catfan....would you feel beautiful if you lost weight? Honest question. Not talking about your H for a moment here, just you and your feelings about yourself.


I already lost a lot of weight, a bit more wouldn't hurt  BMI is fine. It's all the 'perfect' bodies all around, esp. those my bf sees, that worry me so.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

I actually had the opposite problem. My hubby always had fat girlfriends and I am not fat. To be fair we got together young and he attributes it to desperation, but still I wouldn't be surprised if we ever got a divorce and the next woman is overweight. 
I've given up any thoughts that men care if the chick has a 3rd boob while having sex though.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

catfan said:


> I already lost a lot of weight, a bit more wouldn't hurt  BMI is fine. It's all the 'perfect' bodies all around, esp. those my bf sees, that worry me so.


What is your worry specifically? That if he could land a stripper that he would want her? :scratchhead:


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Compare myself to other women during sex*



Wiserforit said:


> Then you have the problem. Not him, not strippers, not all of the other women who "diminish" you. This goes way beyond sex and permeates every moment of your day.
> 
> There are steps you can take to become Ms. hard body if it is that important to you, but wallowing in a self-pity party is not one of them. That will make you VERY unattractive, and it is you doing it, not anyone else.
> 
> There are a number of internet resources for gaining self confidence, but the first thing is acknowledging the source of the problem and resolving to take steps to pull you out of it. Nobody can do this except you. I sure hope you make that resolution. Nobody should feel this way.


The issue is indeed my lack of self confidence, it's a life long struggle. Comparing myself to others isn't the answer, I'm aware of that. To stop those thoughts is the hard thing.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Embracing your body and imperfections is a challenge I think many people have. I think looking for affirmations from others to gain your confidence is not the answer. you'll be forever needy. you need to affirm yourself that you are beautiful. How? 

I always like to buy new clothes that highlight my favorite assets, I'm going to be doing a boudoir photography session once I hit my goal weight to feel sexy, I look in the mirror every day and thank God that my body is healthy, I walk tall and act confident even if I'm not...this draws attention and makes me feel more confident.

Pretending to be sexy, confident and happy can actually make you feel sexy, confident and happy. give it a try and feel free to try the above.


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## Anathon (Mar 10, 2013)

I am 47 and been with a few different women with different body styles. All of them were beautiful to me and as a man we are not nearly as critical as women are. 

My previous wife was blonde and many thought hot ..me included at one time. It was her personality that ruined our relationship and who I fell out of love with.

My present wife is my partner and the sexiest woman alive to me. She is not 100 pounds but curvy, fire spirited red head who loves me. I often get hard just thinking what I am coming home to. 

She has had children, *****es about stretch marks, her very large boobs etc. All I see is my hot wife but I think it has more to do with a healthy relationship that helps fuel our fire. 

Besides, at 47 I am in shape but not cut or have the bulging muscles or the looks I would like to have but she makes me feel sexy. 

Stop beating yourself up and enjoy your relationship.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

As I started to undress the first time I had ever been with a woman, I hesitated, then I said to myself..."If she didn't want me, I wouldn't be here right now".....I then proceded to give her the best loving of her young life...Her words...

I think that would be a good mantra when you are making love to your man..."*If he didn't want me, I wouldn't be here"....*

It can't be any simpler than that...Don't concentrate on your self perception, concentrate on giving and getting the best loving of your young lives.....I think it will lead to a much more harmonious outcome.....

Good luck
The woodchuck


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## JustPuzzled (Dec 12, 2012)

I heard a friend say once that he liked a very specific type of boobs. He likes the kind with nipples.

Guys love naked girls. Full stop. Get comfortable.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

catfan said:


> My self esteem isn't all that, that is obvious. My boyfriend has been to a nude strip club, had a lap dance way before he ever met me. And has his portion of porn
> I find it hard to enjoy sex, because he has seen those beautiful bodies. So I'm thinking of my belly: oops it's too bloathed, it moves, my boobs aren't perky enough, my labia are outies, etc.
> As one can imagine, this ruins the pleasure!
> Do other women have these thoughts too during sex? What do men think about none stripper/porn bodies after seeing them so much? Thanks for all imput!


You are gifting your husband with your body....You are doing so because he has shown you that he desires you...Any man worth his salt will say there is something almost spiritual in that......

Making love is not watching strippers, or looking at porn.
It is on an entirely different level, It is for real, it is the culmination of two peoples love and respect for each other....

You are not someone getting paid to LOOK or ACT a certain way....You are his woman.....

When your husband makes love to you, you are the only woman out of millions that he is expressing his love to at that moment.....

At this time, like no other time in your lives, YOU are the center of his universe....You are the pinicle....You can't get any higher than that......Revel in it, not in self doubt.....

You owe it to him, and yourself.....


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Compare myself to other women during sex*



Woodchuck said:


> You are gifting your husband with your body....You are doing so because he has shown you that he desires you...Any man worth his salt will say there is something almost spiritual in that......
> 
> Making love is not watching strippers, or looking at porn.
> It is on an entirely different level, It is for real, it is the culmination of two peoples love and respect for each other....
> ...


Before me, he had a 4 year 'friends with benefits' relation with a long time friend of his. So I do doubt sex has such a deep meaning to him. 
It would be intesting if men would give their thoughts on this: if you have sex with someone, is that person the centre of your universe? 
For me this is the case, but I doubt if sex is like this for men in general. It seems more an urge, not much to do with love. If love is involved, it feels more intense, but really what is the difference. 
I never had sex with any man that I didn't love or was in love with.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

catfan said:


> Before me, he had a 4 year 'friends with benefits' relation with a long time friend of his. So I do doubt sex has such a deep meaning to him.
> It would be intesting if men would give their thoughts on this: if you have sex with someone, is that person the centre of your universe?
> For me this is the case, but I doubt if sex is like this for men in general. It seems more an urge, not much to do with love. If love is involved, it feels more intense, but really what is the difference.
> I never had sex with any man that I didn't love or was in love with.


Men are just as complicated as women. When they are in love, sex does take on a different dimension. They don't see the imperfections in our bodies that we do.

I'm still recovering from the birth of our son and I know that my belly is not what it should be and that my behind is still bigger. But when he looks at me - he doesn't see any of that. Since becoming a mommy, I've not been a 'skinny girl' - more like a brick sh1thouse (think Christina Hendricks figure).

I'm not naive - I know my hubby has had a lot of partners before me. Some he loved, some he didn't. I KNOW without a doubt that when we are intimate, he doesn't think of them. He thinks of ME. 

What I've learned - when I feel sexy, pretty and confident, it doesn't matter if I'm the perfect weight or not, I'm beautiful to myself and others. 

Do some things that make you feel good about yourself - nails, hair, makeup, clothing, massage - whatever works for you. Make YOU a priority in your own life and take the time/effort to work on feeling good every day in some way. You'll be amazed at the change.


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

catfan said:


> It would be intesting if men would give their thoughts on this: if you have sex with someone, is that person the centre of your universe.


That depends of course. When I was in love, sex was just that. Then she called off the engagement and a girlfriend later I became a male ****, screwing every girl that wanted to open her legs before me. That definitely was NOT the center of the universe kind of sex. That was more like using random women to masturbate. I even had a theory that love doesn't really exist!!!! Then I met this girl and I fell in love with. Sex with her was nothing spectacular in the technical kind of sense, but because it was sex and love together it was earth shattering. I've never felt like this before!!!

It took me 4 months to take a decision to marry her, three days to engage to her after my decision, and 12 hours to marry her after the engagement.

The center of the universe sex continued until she got pregnant. Then it was classic LD HD kind of sex, her turning every moment into sex, and me sometimes pretending to be a sleep just so I could have a break and could get one full night of sleep.

Then it was perfect, center of the universe again for a year. Then I left home for a year. When I got back I realized that my loved one doesn't really need me in the way she used to.

Now, when we have sex once every three months, it is not the center of the universe kind. It is more like a safety valve that releases accumulated resentment. Maybe if we made love more often than every 2-3 months, it would be the center of the universe kind. I don't know.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

Good advice from TCS. A confident woman is a sexy woman. If your attitude is self assured and enthusiastic you are a love goddess.

Women over think this body image stuff in my estimation. Men love women's bodies instinctively. I can think back over women I had meaningful relationships with and I thought every one of them was hot...BUT for completely different reasons. My wife because of her curves, slim waist and smooth soft skin. Before that (rough skin actually and smallish breasts that kind of pointed down) long...lean muscles, hair that would drape over me and a natural scent that was intoxicating. Before that, not athletic at all, kind of overweight with breasts that rode high, became erect with a whisper and teased mercilessly through her clothes. 

You get the idea. You have gifts that no one else has ever shared with him before. Your body is a great undiscovered mystery that will always intrigue him...so play the part.

And. IMHO sex is VERY emotional and intimate if a man loves the woman he is with.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Comment from the first page... Do ANY men actually like "innie" labia? 

The last time I saw innie labia I was in high school... Don't ever want to look at that again! Bring on the outtie labia, a flower that has finally blossomed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Compare myself to other women during sex*



Interlocutor said:


> Comment from the first page... Do ANY men actually like "innie" labia?
> 
> The last time I saw innie labia I was in high school... Don't ever want to look at that again! Bring on the outtie labia, a flower that has finally blossomed!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good question  maybe this should be a seperate post. Vagina's come in many different shapes, but porn industry seems to make a big impact on the 'ideal' one.


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