# so confused



## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

last december my husband and i got into a physical fight and i called my sister to come get me and the kids,she called the cops.i told the cops that we had hit each other but he was the one that went to jail.2 days later when he go out of jail he had his mom bring him home and i was at work my mom was there with the kids and they started yelling at them that they needed to get out.my kids called me and i came home my husband called the cops but they made him leave.the cop told me to go get a restraining order against him so with the pressure from my family and friends i went and got it.last weekend he introduced my kids to his new girlfriend of 5 weeks,last tuesday me and the kids went to his house and i wrote him a letter telling him that i love him and want us to be a family again,he told me know that he loves his new girlfriend and was happy with her that he could take the risk of being put in jail again and losing his job,by the end of the night after alot of tears on my part we made love but afterwards he called his girlfriend to talk to her(another stab to the heart)after he got off the phone with her i asked him how he could make love to me then get up to call and talk to her he said sex doesnt change anything.well this last friday i went to his house again to talk to him and plead with him to take me back but once again he kept telling me no that he doesnt love me anymore and yet once again we made love again afterwards she called and he talked to her in front of me and i had to here him say i love you to her.i asked him how he can make love to me then want to rush me out of the house so he can go see her.we weill be married for 11yrs this june i will admit that its been very bad the last 9yrs this is our third time of us seperating but i have been with him since i was 14yrs old he has been the only man that i have ever loved even though over times we had a loveless marraige with having seperate bedrooms him cheating on me 3 times and me once.i dont want to lose him but i think i already have for good this time i really ruined it this time and i dont know what to do.i dont know how to be by myself and over the years i have gained a ton of weight and im not very attractive so my husband says even though i agree i have never been a very pretty woman but he always loved me for me i dont want to let go but i know i hqve to i just dont know how can anybody help me im losing my grip on reality,i dont know how much more i can take


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