# Withdrawal Method



## Sherrycherry (Jan 13, 2022)

Opinions please! Husband and I been married over 20 years and together 3 years before marriage. I was on birth control pills for ten years before we met. A year into our marriage, we decided kids are ok so I came off the pill to give my body a break. We conceived quickly and had our first kid. We used condoms and withdrawal method after this birth. Husband was fine with it. 

We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.

The withdrawal method continued until we had the next kid (intentionally a year later). I almost bleed to death in labor for this kid. We then decided no more kids. Still, he refused a vasectomy.

So 15+ years have now passed. We have been doing withdrawal just fine. No issues. Five years ago, I began having yeast infections frequently. After dealing with this, I finally went to a specialist who cultured my vagina and saw a rare yeast that is not treated with normal yeast cream or diflucan pills. I went thru two years of hell battling this type of yeast. Multiple rounds of creams, suppositories, pills, everything to cure it. I finally went almost completely sugar free diet and it went away. I acquired vulvadynia as a result- hyper irritated tissues that are highly sensitive now.

Flash forward to a year ago. I go into early menopause. Hot flashes, night sweats galore. Also dry and atrophy of the vagina. My dr puts me on vaginal HRT. This took several iterations to get the formula right and not have constant irritation. Dr offers me oral or patch HRT- but I have relatives in my family who have had breast cancer. The vaginal cream miraculously cured the sweats and hot flashes. It helps my vagina about 75%. So I am trotting along trying my best to satisfy my husbands sexual needs (he has history of higher sex drive). We usually do it 3 times a week if the vagina is healthy- otherwise it can be 3-5 times a month if it is having a flare up.

So here is my issue- my lovely husband knows my vaginal issues. Suddenly he is making it his mission to ejaculate inside me. He talks about it a lot. One night I was out at the grocery store experiencing a flare up down there. I needed some emotional support from him. I call him up and spend 10 min or so describing the burning and itching. Side note- we had actually had sex a few days prior and I told him it was ok to ejaculate inside me. It was tingling afterwards, and it had been irritated since. I told him we need to back off doing that for a while. He wanted to know how long. I couldn’t give an answer- and he told me that cumming inside me was very important to him as he’s looked forward to it for years. I told him he wasn’t being very sympathetic to me. Sounds like he’s only concerned with ejaculating. This made him angry and he begins to yell at me.

So I ask him what if I can never let him cum in me again- is he going to leave me. No answer. I really got upset then. I am angry he seems only concerned with this and not me. Also- he didn’t answer me that of course he wouldn’t put that above me.

It isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

We had this exact same topic like a month ago. Your husband is an ass.

Here is a similar discussion
Dealbreaker?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> We had this exact same topic like a month ago. Your husband is an ass.
> 
> Here is a similar discussion
> Dealbreaker?


I was thinking it's the same poster different moniker.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Sherrycherry said:


> Opinions please!


You might as well could have written the exact history of my marriage. My wife too struggled with the delivery of our second child and afterwards things were always delicate and irritated as it related to sexual intimacy. As a result of irritation her libido sank to below zero and she struggled to make me happy as I still had ample desire. The idea of more kids was off the table, and she didn't want to take birth control as a means to try and feel healthier and normal. 

This all changed one day after a visit to her doctor. She got a hysterectomy and she has felt 300% better ever since. Zero irritation. Zero issues with menopause. Zero issues with birth control (although I joke to my doctor that we are still trying). Zero issues with me being too chicken to get a vasectomy. She is now much more capable of enjoying intimacy because all of the problems with irritation have never come back. 

So if the birth of your second child was traumatic, you should talk to your doctor to determine if some of your issues are a result of that. I forget the exact procedure that triggered a hysterectomy for my wife, but seems like it involved an ultrasound to investigate for any scarring and tumors. 

I know that is not the story and solution you want to read about, but if there is a parallel, my wife feels like her hysterectomy was the best decision ever as she was a new person as a result. She feels great and gets a ton of exercise that she would have never imagined herself enjoying before.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

My wife had two very difficult pregnancies and deliveries and I could not get to the urologist's office fast enough after #2 was declared out of the woods. 

I walked in the office and said either they disconnect the plumbing or I'll do it myself right here in the lobby in front of God and country, their choice.

I have no sympathy for guys too chicken to do a literally 5 minute procedure.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Sherrycherry said:


> isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.


Well you are for sure correct in your viewpoint. More concerned about his pleasure than your health.

Btw, vasectomy is no big deal. A few minutes in doctors office and overnight recovery. Of course at this point it is irrelevant. And the two of you have major challenges ahead with menopause. If he is going to leave over not nutting inside, he will find some other reason even if you let him.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> My wife had two very difficult pregnancies and deliveries and I could not get to the urologist's office fast enough after #2 was declared out of the woods.
> 
> I walked in the office and said either they disconnect the plumbing or I'll do it myself right here in the lobby in front of God and country, their choice.
> 
> I have no sympathy for guys too chicken to do a literally 5 minute procedure.


I had it done like 15 yrs ago, maybe 20yrs. No issues. W did her time on bc pills, then we agreed def no more kids, then I did my part. Sex has never been better.
I haven't worn a condom in 39 years.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Sherrycherry said:


> Opinions please! Husband and I been married over 20 years and together 3 years before marriage. I was on birth control pills for ten years before we met. A year into our marriage, we decided kids are ok so I came off the pill to give my body a break. We conceived quickly and had our first kid. We used condoms and withdrawal method after this birth. Husband was fine with it.
> 
> We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.
> 
> ...


The pull out method is how my gf now wife got pregnant. Daughter is 14 and I joke with my wife she is the best accidental mistake ever! I remember when she was an infant I got her a onsie that had a depiction of a sperm and had the caption Daddys Little Squirt 🤣

Tell him to quit being a baby and just get snipped lol. There is nothing to it. I got to take two valium an hour before and felt like I was wasted on a bottle of jack daniels lol. She babied me for two days while I watched tv. After healing, I had to ejaculate 25 times and then submit a sample. She got a notebook, bottle of lube, and said I will take care of that part 😀.

She stopped taking the pill and I got the clear. The procedure doesn't affect sensation, volume, erection, testosterone, or anything. The procedure itself is painless, just a lot of pressure like having a tooth pulled. Seing smoke rise from the nuts was funny during the procedure but was worth it. Process took 15 minutes and left a tiny scar that I couldn't care less about. They aren't winning a beauty contest lol


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

#1
Vasectomy doesn't mean no ejaculation.
#2
I hate yeast infection. I don't do vaginal if Wife is showing any symptoms. She has handed her yeast off to me several times in the last few years, then acts like it's my fault. 

As to the menopause symptoms. Every woman is different. We don't have the issue you are talking about but we do lubricate liberally.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> The pull out method is how my gf now wife got pregnant. Daughter is 14 and I joke with my wife she is the best accidental mistake ever! I remember when she was an infant I got her a onsie that had a depiction of a sperm and had the caption  Daddys Little Squirt 🤣
> 
> Tell him to quit being a baby and just get snipped lol. There is nothing to it. I got to take two valium an hour before and felt like I was wasted on a bottle of jack daniels lol. She babied me for two days while I watched tv. After healing, I had to ejaculate 25 times and then submit a sample. She got a notebook, bottle of lube, and said I will take care of that part 😀.
> 
> She stopped taking the pill and I got the clear. The procedure doesn't affect sensation, volume, erection, testosterone, or anything. The procedure itself is painless, just a lot of pressure like having a tooth pulled. Seing smoke rise from the nuts was funny during the procedure but was worth it. Process took 15 minutes and left a tiny scar that I couldn't care less about. They aren't winning a beauty contest lol


The issue now isn’t vasectomy. Her body cant tolerate anything entering her right now. Makes no difference if he is shooting blanks now.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> My wife had two very difficult pregnancies and deliveries and I could not get to the urologist's office fast enough after #2 was declared out of the woods.
> 
> I walked in the office and said either they disconnect the plumbing or I'll do it myself right here in the lobby in front of God and country, their choice.
> 
> I have no sympathy for guys too chicken to do a literally 5 minute procedure.


In my case when a vasectomy was suggested, my wife and I were going through a lot of marital problems and she often claimed that she didn't love me anymore during that time period. I felt I was still young enough to start over and create another family with someone else if my marriage didn't work out, so that was perhaps my main reason for not having it done. 

The OP's husband could feel the same and just saying that he is too chicken to do it to cover up the real reason for not doing it.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Rus47 said:


> The issue now isn’t vasectomy. Her body cant tolerate anything entering her right now. Makes no difference if he is shooting blanks now.


That is true....But I see a lot of guys online who are terrified of a vasectomy. The wife begs for it and doesn't want to go through a much more complicated process of having tubes clamped.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

badsanta said:


> In my case when a vasectomy was suggested, my wife and I were going through a lot of marital problems and she often claimed that she didn't love me anymore during that time period. I felt I was still young enough to start over and create another family with someone else if my marriage didn't work out, so that was perhaps my main reason for not having it done.
> 
> The OP's husband could feel the same and just saying that he is too chicken to do it to cover up the real reason for not doing it.


I see your point. 

That's actually not an uncommon tactic by women who are thinking of leaving, they don't want their H's to be reproducing elsewhere thus shifting resources to another woman's offspring - so I do get your point. 

It woudn't have changed anything for me though because there was no way in hell on earth that I was ever going to have anymore kids again no matter who the next woman was or what the circumstances. 

I don't get that from the OP's story though. It sounds like he was appeasing her by saying, "yep, Ok, I'll do that etc' and nodding his head in agreement and then just not doing it. That's being a chicken.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Withdrawl method? seriously?
you are SOOOOO LUCKY you did not get pregnant again.
get a box of ultra thin condoms, and simply tell him he need to use one from now on if he ever wants PIV sex with you again.

there is a rare condition where a woman's vagina becomes allergic to her man's cum. i wonder if this is an issue with you? 

Sadly, cunniligus is probably not a good idea for you either, since the risk of infecting yourself is high there too.

its going to be either toys, or condoms, no more PIV sex at all, maybe just some rubbing on the outside....


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> get a box of ultra thin condoms, and simply tell him he need to use one from now on if he ever wants PIV sex with you again.


Condoms are not good at remaining lubricated and can cause more friction. That could make the OP's situation worse. 

I would however recommend lambskin condoms as they will not cause friction like regular ones (although expensive). First time I tried one when trying to avoid pregnancy, I freaked out that it had slid off and upon checking it was still in place. That is how much better those feel compared to regular ones.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

OP are you the person with another username here who already has a thread on this EXACT situation?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

badsanta said:


> *.. she didn't want to take birth control as a means to try and feel healthier and normal.*
> ..


I just want to point out here. Birth control doesn't make most women feel healthy or normal. Birth control has lots of side effects including depression and loss of libido.

Well editied to add that if you have really bad PMS or endrometriosis it can help but for many women these side effects happen:

*1. Spotting between periods
2. Nausea
3. Breast tenderness
4. Headaches and migraine
5. Weight gain
6. Mood changes
7. Missed periods
8. Decreased libido
9. Vaginal discharge
10. Eye changes*


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> I just want to point out here. Birth control doesn't make most women feel healthy or normal. Birth control has lots of side effects including depression and loss of libido.


However, I can share for some it works out well. 

DW didn't have any issues, but due to possible long term health risks I did decide to get the snip. That worked out just fine. 

There was a bit of swelling a couple days, couple weeks to heal.

I do remember we had fun making a party of making sure any real ammunition was ejected from the gun multiple times as recommended before blanks were confirmed. A OK.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

There is a rare condition where a person is allergic to ejaculate. You've had a lot of other problems, so I doubt that's it, but if your current gyn isn't getting to the bottom of why it would hurt to be ejaculated into, then change doctors! Maybe you are still too thin and fragile in your tissue down there. I will say that the vaginal insert estradial works as well as anything and is supposed to be safe. Be sure your doc isn't just an ob, because they do not stay current on hormone therapy, according to my primary care doctor who cautioned me about using one for gyn. What I do is call the nurse and have them call back and ask if the doctor stays current on hormone therapy, attends conferences, online instruction, etc. Or you can google and insert "hormone therapy" into your search for a doctor because some specialize. 

Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

The vasectomy is not going to help her situation anymore. I guess that after pulling out for years , when you recently let him cum inside of you, he realized how much he missed it. Cuming in your wife is part of the bonding that takes place during sex. This benefits both parties. Another option is to add anal to the mix. Being able to occasionally finish there will give him the closeness he desires from cuming in you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There is a rare condition where a person is allergic to ejaculate. You've had a lot of other problems, so I doubt that's it, but if your current gyn isn't getting to the bottom of why it would hurt to be ejaculated into, then change doctors! Maybe you are still too thin and fragile in your tissue down there. I will say that the vaginal insert estradial works as well as anything and is supposed to be safe. Be sure your doc isn't just an ob, because they do not stay current on hormone therapy, according to my primary care doctor who cautioned me about using one for gyn. What I do is call the nurse and have them call back and ask if the doctor stays current on hormone therapy, attends conferences, online instruction, etc. Or you can google and insert "hormone therapy" into your search for a doctor because some specialize.
> 
> Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.


in the beginning of menopause you are still ovulating just less often so yes you can still get pregnant

Also you don't have to be allergic to ejaculate for it to disturb the microbiome in your vagina and cause irritation or increased infections.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There is a rare condition where a person is allergic to ejaculate. You've had a lot of other problems, so I doubt that's it, but if your current gyn isn't getting to the bottom of why it would hurt to be ejaculated into, then change doctors! Maybe you are still too thin and fragile in your tissue down there. I will say that the vaginal insert estradial works as well as anything and is supposed to be safe. Be sure your doc isn't just an ob, because they do not stay current on hormone therapy, according to my primary care doctor who cautioned me about using one for gyn. What I do is call the nurse and have them call back and ask if the doctor stays current on hormone therapy, attends conferences, online instruction, etc. Or you can google and insert "hormone therapy" into your search for a doctor because some specialize.
> 
> Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.


Best ever. If OP is in menopause, can there even be a pregnancy, certainly not after.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> in the beginning of menopause you are still ovulating just less often so yes you can still get pregnant
> 
> Also you don't have to be allergic to ejaculate for it to disturb the microbiome in your vagina and cause irritation or increased infections.


Sorry for a bit of side track, but besides some typical issues down there and the eventually hysterectomy, I'm durn glad we, specifically DW didn't have these issues. 

We only drew closer during the partial then full hysterectomy, that was a big deal of course. 

I've never been to a gynecologist so much in my life than during those couple years! 🙂🙂🤣🤣


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Sorry for a bit of side track, but besides some typical issues down there and the eventually hysterectomy, I'm durn glad we, specifically DW didn't have these issues.
> 
> We only drew closer during the partial then full hysterectomy, that was a big deal of course.
> 
> I've never been to a gynecologist so much in my life than during those couple years! 🙂🙂🤣🤣


And many women don't but that doesn't me the OP isn't experiencing issues. I think OP has a perfectly reasonable request to not ejaculate in her until the issues can be resolved. Her partner couldn't be bothered to answer that it was ok.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Sorry for a bit of side track, but besides some typical issues down there and the eventually hysterectomy, I'm durn glad we, specifically DW didn't have these issues.
> 
> We only drew closer during the partial then full hysterectomy, that was a big deal of course.
> 
> I've never been to a gynecologist so much in my life than during those couple years! 🙂🙂🤣🤣


Some women are lucky and find menopause a trouble free relief. But I'm 69 and I can't tell you how many problems I've had that are too personal go into on this forum from old age. It's amazing how many things can go wrong, and believe me most men would be put off by them.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Some women are lucky and find menopause a trouble free relief. But I'm 69 and I can't tell you how many problems I've had that are too personal go into on this forum from old age. It's amazing how many things can go wrong, and believe me most men would be put off by them.


Women just impress me with the challenges and dealing with them, in that delicate area.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> And many women don't but that doesn't me the OP isn't experiencing issues. I think OP has a perfectly reasonable request to not ejaculate in her until the issues can be resolved. Her partner couldn't be bothered to answer that it was ok.


Hold your roll. I didn't say she didn't have a perfectly reasonable request.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. * If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant*? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.


oh yes!
Until you have waited X many months AFTER stopping having periods, you are still at risk for getting pregnant. i forget what X was, but it was a relatively large number


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> oh yes!
> Until you have waited X many months AFTER stopping having periods, you are still at risk for getting pregnant. i forget what X was, but it was a relatively large number


It's a year by most literature and 2 by some


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Anastasia6 said:


> It's a year by most literature and 2 by some


yeah i vaguely remember waiting a LONG time.

i hated condoms. yet due to medical reasons (past blood clots) birth control was not an option.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Rus47 said:


> The issue now isn’t vasectomy. Her body cant tolerate anything entering her right now. Makes no difference if he is shooting blanks now.


Very well said. The real issue appears to be a much deeper problem with the marriage than a method of birth control or body modification. 

The real issue is likely a power struggle between them. That struggle is visible over who will determine the frequency of sex, what sex is, and what method of birth control is to be used.

Yes, there are real medical reasons impacting the wife's vaginal health. However, there are also alternatives as to PIV sex that the two of them can work on. P.S. There are only a few guys who would not be thrilled to get a BJ instead of PIV. The OP's husband may be one of them, but even if he were, there is probably something the wife could offer that would thrill him, whether it is some long held secret fantasy, a role playing scenario, etc.


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## EssexUKMale (Jan 13, 2022)

Sherrycherry said:


> Opinions please! Husband and I been married over 20 years and together 3 years before marriage. I was on birth control pills for ten years before we met. A year into our marriage, we decided kids are ok so I came off the pill to give my body a break. We conceived quickly and had our first kid. We used condoms and withdrawal method after this birth. Husband was fine with it.
> 
> We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.
> 
> ...


Cumming inside your wife as a man is a very big build it’s a bonding experience. Not having that can hurt and man and really kill his ego. But if his cum is causing irritation my suggestion would be to sit him down and explain to him that as you are not having more children and his sperm effects your health. You can’t let him cum inside but that you would be very happy to let him after a snip. Could even offer to get a sexy nurses outfit to look after him after it’s done. Make a game as couple out of it. Him getting angry and being selfish about your health is not at all right. But it could just be he has a very hurt ego after years of pulling out. Having to pull out can make a man feel brutally rejected. So you both need to be very understanding with each other’s needs. Wishing you best of luck.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Natural Family Planning is great and worked wonderfully in my marriage. My wife and I always knew the 48 hour period per month when my wife was ovulating. Of course this news is too late.

I’m staunchly against hormonal means of birth control (aka birth control pills). I’d never let my wife jack up her hormones for a month let alone a decade. That’s insane.

Same with the mutilation of men parts aka vasectomy. I thought the Hippocratic Oath said “do no harm” and this is clearly a mutilation of a working system.

The withdrawal method sounds truly awful. I’d be destroyed by that- and angry. Wish you two would have discovered NFP.

Maybe a compromise could be rigorous “eliminating process” and quick shower after sex? Surely this might help avoid irritation?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

EssexUKMale said:


> Cumming inside your wife as a man is a very big build it’s a bonding experience. Not having that can hurt and man and really kill his ego. But if his cum is causing irritation my suggestion would be to sit him down and explain to him that as you are not having more children and his sperm effects your health. You can’t let him cum inside but that you would be very happy to let him after a snip. Could even offer to get a sexy nurses outfit to look after him after it’s done. Make a game as couple out of it. Him getting angry and being selfish about your health is not at all right. But it could just be he has a very hurt ego after years of pulling out. Having to pull out can make a man feel brutally rejected. So you both need to be very understanding with each other’s needs. Wishing you best of luck.


So his cumming inside her is more important than her actual health or comfort. I say that because she has explained it to him then he said it was important and when she asked if it was a deal breaker he had no response. So during a medical issue she was seeking comfort and got a hissy fit ending with no response.

Also please note that while no sperm comes out after a vasectomy there can still be fluid and we don't know what is irritating her right now. She's in the process of trying to figure it out.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Maybe I am missing something. But first, the OP stated the following


Sherrycherry said:


> I acquired vulvadynia as a result- *hyper irritated tissues that are highly sensitive now.*


Then recently she experienced the following:


Sherrycherry said:


> One night I was out at the grocery store experiencing a flare up down there. I needed some emotional support from him. I call him up and spend 10 min or so describing the burning and itching. *Side note- we had actually had sex a few days prior and I told him it was ok to ejaculate inside me. It was tingling afterwards, and it had been irritated since. I told him we need to back off doing that for a while.*


She isn't sure, but is concerned him ejaculating into her irritated her down there. She needed a break for awhile. And he is telling her that this is a huge deal for him, maybe a deal breaker. If he had gotten clipped years ago he could have been living the dream for years before OP started having problems. That ship has sailed. It doesn't matter if he gets clipped now because that wont change his semen much at all, at the pH of his semen is likely the problem and it is upsetting the pH balance in her vulva which is evidently fouled up already. OP's "husband" is acting like a big baby instead of a man.

Vasectomy is only relevant because when he could have had it done he wouldn't, and now that his wife is ill he wants what he didn't want badly enough to undergo a simple procedure.

Meanwhile OP is in the throws of menopause with all the turmoil that entails. So hubby better cool his jets if he doesn't want the love light totally turned off. It may get unplugged anyway, and put out with the trash, but he is definitely not acting in his own best interests IMO.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I have no sympathy for SherryCherry's hubby.

At one point Julie began having difficulties with intercourse. I think we really ran into problems about menopause time, but she now tells me she's always had some issues. I now have worries and regrets that our frequent intercourse may have made things worse.

I did not like the idea of her taking hormone based birth control and we were lucky not to have a child until we wanted our daughter. We may have had sex too often for me to have a large enough number of sperm for any given shot to be effective. It was a difficult pregnancy with cesarean delivery and she had the doctor cut her tubes.

We at first tried condoms to see whether my ejaculate was causing the problem and discovered she's allergic to latex. Other condoms didn't help, either, nor the variety of lubes she tried.

In deference to Julie, I chose to forego intercourse. Almost 25 years now. My choice. I was angry that treatment for prostate cancer at age 74 might leave me impotent. My not having intercourse was my choice and I was angry that the cancer might take away that choice. Happily I'm as still rasty as ever and Julie and I have a new intimacy.

I have never been short of libido, never had a thought about performance issues so that did not make my decision any easier. With Julie's help I even continued to be sexually active while I was castrate as treatment for prostate cancer. Just saying I have every reason to continue to desire intercourse. And I most sincerely do.

It's all about caring for my loved one. Again, I have no sympathy for SherryCherry's hubby.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> That is true....But I see a lot of guys online who are terrified of a vasectomy. The wife begs for it and doesn't want to go through a much more complicated process of having tubes clamped.


I don’t want to do it. A guy I know was one of the people who ended up with infected nuts. There are also people who end up with chronic ball pain.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

One of Julie's friends had her hubby get a vasectomy and then went out and had tubal ligation, somehow without him knowing, so she could play around. She was a man hunter and not worried about whether they were married. 

Then she left him after talking him into not being able to start a new family when she left.

As a side note, she had blue eyes that were to die for and a pretty nice bum. I used to ride my bike behind her and Julie with the supposed purpose of being a shield from errant drivers.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

So your husband doesn’t consider you at all and how sex with him negatively affects your body.
So don’t have sex with him. At all. Until he agrees to wear a condom every time it gets a vasectomy - AND starts considering how YOU must feel! 
He is seriously selfish. And that never makes for a good sex partner. If he won’t change you shouldn’t stay with him.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

not to seem crass, but there is a different entry for Penis related sex...have you tried that? He might be happy with that, along with other things like BJs.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> not to seem crass, but there is a different entry for PIV sex...have you tried that? He might be happy with that, along with other things like BJs.


Not to seem blunt but you realize she didn't come here to figure out how to make her husband happy. She is feeling that he's being insensitive to her needs while she has tried to maintain a sex life and seek solution to her current medical issue which is making sex painful for her. We always see men claim that they would be ok if their wife had a medical issue and was seeking treatment. Well she has a medical issue, she's seeking treatment and trying to maintain a sex life while lots of times it is painful or creates pain. So after a long marriage he's actually implying it's a divorcable offense if he can't ejaculate inside her. Doing this in response to her calling for support because she's literally in pain walking around the grocery store (shopping for him groceries).

So she probably isn't worried right this minute if he's ok with a BJ. And it isn't a different entry for PIV sex that isn't PIV sex.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Julie's Husband said:


> One of Julie's friends had her hubby get a vasectomy and then went out and had tubal ligation, somehow without him knowing, so she could play around. She was a man hunter and not worried about whether they were married.
> 
> Then she left him after talking him into not being able to start a new family when she left.
> 
> As a side note, she had blue eyes that were to die for and a pretty nice bum. I used to ride my bike behind her and Julie with the supposed purpose of being a shield from errant drivers.


Well the thing is, the vasectomy can be reversed. My doctor when I was clipped *4 decades ago* after we had our fourth child told me that if wanted to reverse it in the future could be accomplished easily. In fact, he said then that sometimes the tubes can reattach on their own if the original procedure doesn't cut a long enough section out. Anyway, in my case already had 4 kids by the wife, and even if we had split at a future date, had no desire for any more offspring. The wife was thinking to have tubes ties with birth of the last child, I told her absolutely not, the vas procedure much simpler with lower risk.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> So your husband doesn’t consider you at all and how sex with him negatively affects your body.
> So don’t have sex with him. At all. Until he agrees to wear a condom every time it gets a vasectomy - AND starts considering how YOU must feel!
> He is seriously selfish. And that never makes for a good sex partner. If he won’t change you shouldn’t stay with him.


Again, a vasectomy isn't going to prevent fluids from him causing problems with her vagina. So, if he wants any loving he is going to have to use a condom from now on. Of course acting like an a$$ isn't going to get him any loving anyway.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> not to seem crass, but there is a different entry for PIV sex...have you tried that? He might be happy with that, along with other things like BJs.


Since PIV means penis in vagina how is there a different entry????

This dude had decades to go bareback in her and chose not to, he didn't want a vasectomy. Decades.

Now she's having issues. He's a day late (okay, decades) and a dollar short.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Julie's Husband said:


> One of Julie's friends had her hubby get a vasectomy and then went out and had tubal ligation, somehow without him knowing, so she could play around. She was a man hunter and not worried about whether they were married.
> 
> Then she left him after talking him into not being able to start a new family when she left.
> 
> As a side note, she had blue eyes that were to die for and a pretty nice bum. I used to ride my bike behind her and Julie with the supposed purpose of being a shield from errant drivers.


That would piss me off being talked into a vasectomy and then getting a divorce


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> I don’t want to do it. A guy I know was one of the people who ended up with infected nuts. There are also people who end up with chronic ball pain.


Yeah, I'm one of them. 

Still worth it. Nut up.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Cletus said:


> Yeah, I'm one of them.
> 
> Still worth it. Nut up.


Worth what? My wife takes BC pills.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

If you are post- menopausal you are not gonna get pregnant. If you are peri-menopausal you can still get pregnant. Be careful. 

I'm peri-menopausal, still have regular periods but there are changes before, during and after my periods. I know I can still get pregnant because I'm still ovulating, but my husband got a vasectomy 10 years ago, so I don't have to worry about getting pregnant.

I got my first (ever) yeast infection last year. I thought my vagina was on fire!! I don't know where that came from! My PCP said it can be common when things start changing down there. I know I need more lube than usual. I know things are changing. 

The good news is my husband is supportive. 

I don't know what I would do if my husband reacted like yours. Maybe you can take him to your next Drs appointment and the Dr can explain what's going on and why his sperm is irritating you. He needs to understand how this is affecting your health and your well-being.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> appointment and the Dr can explain what's going on and why his sperm is irritating you. He needs to understand how this is affecting your health and your well-being.


From article in Forbes:
“Unprotected penetrative sex with a man changes the pH of your vagina because semen has a pHof between 7.1 and 8. During sex, the pH of your vagina rises in order to create a more alkaline environment to protect the sperm and encourage fertilization. This can also encourage the growth of certain bacteria.”


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> From article in Forbes:
> “Unprotected penetrative sex with a man changes the pH of your vagina because semen has a pHof between 7.1 and 8. During sex, the pH of your vagina rises in order to create a more alkaline environment to protect the sperm and encourage fertilization. This can also encourage the growth of certain bacteria.”


The real problem is her husband doesn't care,


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

pastasauce79 said:


> If you are post- menopausal you are not gonna get pregnant. If you are peri-menopausal you can still get pregnant. Be careful.
> 
> I'm peri-menopausal, still have regular periods but there are changes before, during and after my periods. I know I can still get pregnant because I'm still ovulating, but my husband got a vasectomy 10 years ago, so I don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
> 
> ...


OP should get hubby a shot of Lupron. It causes menopause with all the glorious symptoms in both men and women. That should give him some insight. I went through 6 months of that.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Sherrycherry said:


> We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.


This part throws me a bit. What was the problem with the tubal ligation? As a general rule, a difficult labor should not have made an issue with the proceedure. Is there something else that was going on medically that made tubal ligation a problem? Especially with this:



> I almost bleed to death in labor for this kid.


Most doctors I know would have been pushing you to get your tubes tied for your life's sake. Especially since condoms and withdrawal are the two methods with the highest rate of failure, although still pretty low on the condoms in general.



> It isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.


I can see his side to a point. Coming inside your mate is a closeness thing. And he has had to deny that to himself for years, hoping and waiting for the time that he didn't have to worry about getting your pregnant anymore. And now this happens. Granted that he might have had more years of being able to do so if he just got his operation. Yes he does need to remember that this isn't you per se, but something beyond your control. Just try to remember that he is now feeling betrayed, not by you, but nature. So while he needs to be sympathetic to your issues, likewise you should be sympathetic to his.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Best ever. If OP is in menopause, can there even be a pregnancy, certainly not after.


Even after menopause it is possible, although improbable, to get pregnant. It has happened in the past.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> This part throws me a bit. What was the problem with the tubal ligation? As a general rule, a difficult labor should not have made an issue with the proceedure. Is there something else that was going on medically that made tubal ligation a problem? Especially with this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


OMG the only reason he was"denied" that for years, decades, is because he refused to get a vasectomy!!!

She had multiple kids, he couldn't go through a simple medical procedure?

It's much easier than a tubal for her. It was definitely his turn to take one for the team, so to speak.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I don't think this is off-topic... virtually all of my wife's various "down there" infections went away when we switched to coconut oil for lube. No more UTIs. No more yeast infections. The difference has been amazing. Regarding condoms, I actually encouraged that for a while because she thought the messiness of sex was a big issue for her. But she say's they're "too scratchy." Turns out they're actually a trigger from stuff in her past, but who knows, OP's issues could have some other additional basis as well.

Regarding tubal ligation vs vasectomy, I think it also depends upon the state of the marriage. If things aren't wonderful, the guy may have second thoughts about something that could come back to bite him in a later marriage. This was a very distinct issue for me. The woman may be "done" with kids, now and forever. Regardless of her feelings for the future of the marriage. The guy could have other ideas. Or vice versa.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> I don't think this is off-topic... virtually all of my wife's various "down there" infections went away when we switched to coconut oil for lube. No more UTIs. No more yeast infections. The difference has been amazing. Regarding condoms, I actually encouraged that for a while because she thought the messiness of sex was a big issue for her. But she say's they're "too scratchy." Turns out they're actually a trigger from stuff in her past, but who knows, OP's issues could have some other additional basis as well.
> 
> Regarding tubal ligation vs vasectomy, I think it also depends upon the state of the marriage. If things aren't wonderful, the guy may have second thoughts about something that could come back to bite him in a later marriage. This was a very distinct issue for me. The woman may be "done" with kids, now and forever. Regardless of her feelings for the future of the marriage. The guy could have other ideas. Or vice versa.


Well if he didn't get a vasectomy because he was thinking he might want children with another woman someday, thus choosing to keep that possibility open for a couple of decades and sacrificing "going in her" to do so during those decades, he's even a BIGGER **** NOW to complain that she's having medical issues and he can't go in her in this menopausal time. What an asshole.

I mean... it feels relationship ending (from her perspective), to me.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Well if he didn't get a vasectomy because he was thinking he might want children with another woman someday, thus choosing to keep that possibility open for a couple of decades and sacrificing "going in her" to do so during those decades, he's even a BIGGER **** NOW to complain that she's having medical issues and he can't go in her in this menopausal time. What an asshole.
> 
> I mean... it feels relationship ending (from her perspective), to me.


Agreed.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> I actually encouraged that for a while because she thought the messiness of sex was a big issue for her.


Yeah my wife isn’t a fan either. Sometimes I will use one for that reason or just pull out and do it someplace else which is what happened this morning and I gotta say I had some build up or something and it made a big mess everywhere. I have some sympathy for having that leaking out all day, it doesn’t seem pleasant.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Livvie said:


> OMG the only reason he was"denied" that for years, decades, is because he refused to get a vasectomy!!!
> 
> She had multiple kids, he couldn't go through a simple medical procedure?
> 
> It's much easier than a tubal for her. It was definitely his turn to take one for the team, so to speak.


First off, my question as far as her getting a tubal, is that it is her life if his BC fails. Especially since he refused the vasectomy. Not to mention, I still don't get what a rough labor has to do with whether she could get one or not.

Secondly, I already acknowledge his part of the problem because he refused the procedure. That doesn't lessen his loss. It excuses it less, but still, this was an unexpected development, so it was not unreasonable to expect to be able to engage in the activity at a later time.

Also she only had two kids. And given what she went through that was quite enough. Personally, if I was in her position I would have insisted on the tubal (again assuming that there wasn't a medical reason she didn't mention). And no I don't have to be a woman to make that kind of assessment. The mere fact that something could threaten my life that I could have taken care of is enough parallel.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> Regarding tubal ligation vs vasectomy, I think it also depends upon the state of the marriage. If things aren't wonderful, the guy may have second thoughts about something that could come back to bite him in a later marriage. This was a very distinct issue for me. The woman may be "done" with kids, now and forever. Regardless of her feelings for the future of the marriage. The guy could have other ideas. Or vice versa.


This made me think of another possibility. If he feared that because she didn't get the tubal, and then died from a subsequent accidental pregnancy, he might be wanting to be sure he could have children with a later wife.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> First off, my question as far as her getting a tubal, is that it is her life if his BC fails. Especially since he refused the vasectomy. Not to mention, I still don't get what a rough labor has to do with whether she could get one or not.
> 
> Secondly, I already acknowledge his part of the problem because he refused the procedure. That doesn't lessen his loss. It excuses it less, but still, this was an unexpected development, so it was not unreasonable to expect to be able to engage in the activity at a later time.
> 
> Also she only had two kids. And given what she went through that was quite enough. Personally, if I was in her position I would have insisted on the tubal (again assuming that there wasn't a medical reason she didn't mention). And no I don't have to be a woman to make that kind of assessment. The mere fact that something could threaten my life that I could have taken care of is enough parallel.


Yeah, you aren't a woman. 

If she had just gone through a rough birth and lost a lot of blood they aren’t going to do a tubal right then, duh. Plus, it doesn't sound like right at the moment of birth they had decided to stop having more kids.

You keep projecting what ifs about this guy wanting to have kids w another woman someday. For DECADES he refused a vasectomy.

Cry me a river, not. Even IF that was his reason for not getting a vasectomy, he cared more about maybe having kids with a maybe new wife in the future than having decades of unprotected sex with his wife. Now that she's having medical issues he should be able to continue with not going in her for her reason, NO COMPLAINTS.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> I don't think this is off-topic... virtually all of my wife's various "down there" infections went away when we switched to coconut oil for lube. No more UTIs. No more yeast infections. The difference has been amazing. Regarding condoms, I actually encouraged that for a while because she thought the messiness of sex was a big issue for her. But she say's they're "too scratchy." Turns out they're actually a trigger from stuff in her past, but who knows, OP's issues could have some other additional basis as well.
> 
> Regarding tubal ligation vs vasectomy, I think it also depends upon the state of the marriage. If things aren't wonderful, the guy may have second thoughts about something that could come back to bite him in a later marriage. This was a very distinct issue for me. The woman may be "done" with kids, now and forever. Regardless of her feelings for the future of the marriage. The guy could have other ideas. Or vice versa.





maquiscat said:


> This made me think of another possibility. If he feared that because she didn't get the tubal, and then died from a subsequent accidental pregnancy, he might be wanting to be sure he could have children with a later wife.


Variation on a theme. Point is, we tend to think in terms of preventing pregnancy as an absolute only from the wife's perspective. Not being able to have a kid in a future relationship could be very heavy baggage for a guy.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Variation on a theme. Point is, we tend to think in terms of preventing pregnancy as an absolute only from the wife's perspective. Not being able to have a kid in a future relationship could be very heavy baggage for a guy.


IF that's really the reason he never got a vasectomy he should shut the **** up about not going in her now that she's having medical issues.

He got to preserve his ability to have kids w another woman his whole life. How very lovely that he he got to do that, and now he's giving her a hard time about not going in her, NOW. It was okay for decades!!!! while he wanted to be able to have kids w another woman but it's not okay now suddenly? He's a hypocrite and a grade A asshole.


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