# Talking to his ex...



## justaquestion (Jan 12, 2011)

I would like other peoples thoughts on my current situation. About a month ago my husband of 3.5 years started talking to his ex again. They were texting back and forth quite often and he was hiding it from me. One evening he was texting and I asked him who he was texting. (I was not being noisey but he often texts my brother and my brother does not have a phone right now. He doesn't really text anyone else.) He answered that he was texting my brother. Knowing this had to be a lie I logged onto our cellular service providers website and saw that it was a number I did not know. I looked on his phone and saw that it was his ex. 

When I talked to my husband about this he said they are just talking as friends and that he didnt want to tell me because it would upset me. After I found out about their texting he continues to delete the messages. After we talked about this yet again he seemed to have stopped talking to her but now I believe he just talkes to her on facebook instead of on the phone. I saw on the service providers website that she sent a picture message yesterday and again it is deleted from his phone. He only deletes her messages, no one elses. 

To provide a little back history, him and his ex were engaged to be married when he left her to be with me. About a year later after we had a miscarriage and became depressed he left me to go back to her. He came back a week later and we were married almost 7 months after that. 

I dont know what to do or where to go. I would like to get marriage counceling but we have 2 children and no insurance. I just dont know what to do. Do I believe that they are just talking as friends or do I go with my first instinct that maybe there is something more going on?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If he's hiding something, he's hiding something.
Talk to him again, tell him that if they are talking texting, facebooking as "just friends" then there is nothing that you can't see or hear.
Ask him for all his passwords and tell him to not delete texts. If he's innocent, he will do it willingly.
If he isn't willing to be completely open with you, well...


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## lace5262 (Oct 13, 2010)

justaquestion said:


> To provide a little back history, him and his ex were engaged to be married when he left her to be with me. About a year later after we had a miscarriage and became depressed he left me to go back to her. He came back a week later and we were married almost 7 months after that.


What you described right here would be enough to keep my nerves on edge. And people who are talking "as just friends" wouldn't lie and hide it. IMO.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

When you say he left her originally for you.... what does that mean? Were you guys cheating with each other before the ex and him broke up? I'm not judging you, but if that is the case you shouldn't be exactly "shocked" if this type of behavior from him continues. If i am off base with this then i say sorry in advance.

Establish firm boundaries, one of those are ZERO contact with Exs. I know alot of people on here are find have the college sweetheart as FB friends... i am not down with that. You shouldn't have no one you were once intimate with on speedial when you need them. Waaaaay tooo much temptation. If he wants your trust back, he has to hand over all internet passwords to social networks, and access to his cell phone upon request.


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## losingsleep (Jan 14, 2011)

If he left you to be with her, what were the reasons for it? Was it only the miscarriage? Try talking to him and finding out why. It seems as though there might be problems between you and him that need to be taken care of. I mean if he left you for her before, then there has to be other issues at hand than the miscarriage.


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## lucky007 (Dec 30, 2010)

He has a trend of going back and forth between you and the ex, I would ask that the two of them have zero contact.

What were his relationships like before you and the ex? Can he be faithful? Can you trust him? You need to think about your kids, as they will grow up thinking that the relationship you and your husband display is normal, and there is a high possibilty they will end up in one a lot like it.


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## BlueDino (Jan 14, 2011)

Ok, I am not trying to be on your H's side but... did you ever think that it is something that you did maybe? I am sorry to say this but if he left you to be with her and now he is talking to her again maybe there is something there still, because didn't he originally leave her to be with you???? Like I said I am not trying to bring you down or make you sad or anything but I was cheated on by my soon to be ex and he said things that opened my eyes and made me look at my situation. 

I am sorry but maybe your the reason why he is talking to his ex again. Maybe he feels like he can't talk to you and they were engaged to be married and maybe he feels like he can open up to her more than he can you. You also did state the he left her to be with you... so really your the one who broke up their engagement...so maybe they have unfinished business... 

I don't mean to be rude or harsh but you need to open your eyes and see that your man is not happy because if he was he wouldn't be looking other places for what he needs.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Definitely sounds like unfinished business. This is not acceptable behavior. The saying is, "If you aren't comfortable talking to them in front of your spouse, then it isn't innocent" and he's proved that by hiding it and deleting it all. I would push for no contact. This should have been established long ago. You should have facebook passwords and access to his phone.  But I'd dig deeper to find out why he's going outside of your marriage. And why has he flipped and flopped between the two of you in the past. This is not someone to be "friends" with.


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