# Hey men, if you have no problem lying about one thing do you lie about EVERYTHING?!



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

Caught the jerk smoking pot again. He had promised a zillion times not tot lie again. Blah blah blah. This last time he swore on our son's LIFE that he would quit. Luckily God knows that my innocent son shouldn't be harmed for a drug addicts lie.

Anyways, now I am questioning everything. Is he lying when he says he is stuck in traffic? When he says he has over time? When he says he is running to the market? When he says he doesn't watch porn? Is he lying to my face without issue because he's just a damn liar?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Context is everything. If there is a pattern to his behavior, you can probably safely assume that he's lying to you based on the circumstances.

Bottom line, if he consistently breaks trust, or stupidly makes promises that he shouldn't be making and you don't trust him, you don't have much of a relationship. It's corrosive, and the only remedy to build trust is to take the risk of trusting him.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Generally speaking,

Men tell lots of little lies ("I wasn't smoking weed"; "I am stuck in traffic")

Women tell very few big lies ("It's your baby.")

The lie quotient is about the same.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MRB said:


> now I am questioning everything. Is he lying when he says he is stuck in traffic? When he says he has over time? When he says he is running to the market? When he says he doesn't watch porn?


The more one lies the easier it becomes to do. For some it has become habit, a way to fake their way through life>> to get attention , to avoid being judged, to avoid conflict with the spouse, to hide shame, the list is endless.. If it sounds too good to be true, many times it is. But eventually, those mountain of lies becomes too hard to chase & keep up with, others notice, these types are always exposed eventually. 

Geneally, the more upset the wife will be, the more prone to lying or the bigger the lie. He might not be lying about the Traffic, it wouldn't have that big of backlash, but the Porn ! How many men want to welcome a crying fest & the near breakage of their marriage. Even some really decent guys, who aren't even denying their wives- take the easy way out here.


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## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

Well I haven't had porn be an issue any time lately. There was some "odd porn" that I discovered a few years ago but porn isn't an issue. Traffic and overtime are ,from what I know, always legit. But what I'm saying is when do I know he's lying anymore? I mean pot is obvious - his eyes are blazing and he's too stupid to get ClearEyes. When he says he loves me is he lying? I'm just so fed up.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

If the lying has centered around marijuana, I wouldn't necessarily assume that he's lying about everything else.

I don't know much about pot - some people claim it isn't addictive, but that seems hard to believe. People with addictions will lie to cover their behavior so they can continue to use their drug of choice.


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## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> If the lying has centered around marijuana, I wouldn't necessarily assume that he's lying about everything else.
> 
> I don't know much about pot - some people claim it isn't addictive, but that seems hard to believe. People with addictions will lie to cover their behavior so they can continue to use their drug of choice.


He kept trying to tell me it's not addictive but his repetitive behavior of lying, quitting, lying, starting, lying, hiding it, lying etc has been on-going for years. He stops when his marriage is really on the line - like I have actually left, but when things are calmed down he starts again.

I'm off to a Nar-Anon meeting tonight and I enrolled in college to get a Bachelor's degree in sociology. I have my 3 year plan to leave him after I am self-sufficient! He can keep his pot - I'm better than that.


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## savevsdeath (Nov 9, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> If the lying has centered around marijuana, I wouldn't necessarily assume that he's lying about everything else.
> 
> I don't know much about pot - some people claim it isn't addictive, but that seems hard to believe. People with addictions will lie to cover their behavior so they can continue to use their drug of choice.


It continues to amaze me how many people are utterly clueless and naive about so many aspects of life. 

Marijuana is not addictive, and she is over-reacting. If he isn't blazing up a big 'ol bowl around her or the kid, it's probably fine. Her lack of trust, over what amounts to a few very small white lies, is also telling. Maybe he lies to you because you over-react if he tells you the truth?


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## FeelsBadMan (Oct 13, 2010)

^This quote-his eyes are blazing and he's too stupid to get ClearEyes.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The more one lies the easier it becomes to do. For some it has become habit, a way to fake their way through life>> to get attention , to avoid being judged, to avoid conflict with the spouse, to hide shame, the list is endless.. If it sounds too good to be true, many times it is. But eventually, those mountain of lies becomes too hard to chase & keep up with, others notice, these types are always exposed eventually.
> 
> Geneally, the more upset the wife will be, the more prone to lying or the bigger the lie. He might not be lying about the Traffic, it wouldn't have that big of backlash, but the Porn ! How many men want to welcome a crying fest & the near breakage of their marriage. Even some really decent guys, who aren't even denying their wives- take the easy way out here.


People teach others how to treat them.

If over-reaction is the rule, expect situational management to ensure over-reactions are minimized.


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## solonelyandfedup (Jan 27, 2013)

Getting him to swear on your child's life is not something I would get him to do. 
That's all I have for you. It's childish really. Children should never be sworn upon with marriage issues/fights etc..If you believe in that sort of thing, that is.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Just because someone lies about one thing or a few things, doesn't mean they lie about everything.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

gbrad said:


> Just because someone lies about one thing or a few things, doesn't mean they lie about everything.


Who could lie about EVERYTHING, that'd make them a freaking psychopath of the mouth...worthless basically. 

If you lie in the little things... this can and often will grow to bigger things...and how the hell does our spouse know when it is the truth or when it is a LIE... I think life is hard enough -without dealing with this









I consider myself darn easy to talk too, I understand people mess up, they screw up, we do stupid things in a moment, we fall short, if you lie to me, and you're MY spouse-- I will automatically loose respect for you.. you will quickly become "the little boy who cried wolf"... I will question many things you say...I may even begin to brush you off as Hot air. 

 Just saying, it's not something I'd put up with in marriage. Can't stand pu$$y foot liars, I see no excuse, I don't do it and I wouldn't be married to someone who did.

The 1st step in getting rid of an addiction - like this thread is about..is admitting you have a problem.. and not lying to your spouse about it.... Lies = cover ups, secrets, all things that snowball out of control and cause problems that otherwise could have been avoided. 

But yeah...it helps to not have a paranoid uptight "ready to hammer" you spouse - when you screw up & still speak honestly before them.... this can be humbling.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...s-why-people-lie-how-much-acceptable-you.html


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

savevsdeath said:


> It continues to amaze me how many people are utterly clueless and naive about so many aspects of life.
> 
> Marijuana is not addictive, and she is over-reacting. If he isn't blazing up a big 'ol bowl around her or the kid, it's probably fine. Her lack of trust, over what amounts to a few very small white lies, is also telling. Maybe he lies to you because you over-react if he tells you the truth?


Meh, the marijuana advocacy’s “it isn’t physically addictive” line is what it is. . . .

Yada-yada-yada. Ho-hum. :sleeping:

It’s the collateral behavioral manifestations that are bothersome and unacceptable e.g., partyin’ with the Bros, lying, wasting a lot of money, irresponsible behavior, not stepping up and being a father and role model to your children, being a lenoch and not holding a steady job and so and so on.

And for the record, a “white” lie is still a lie.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> Meh, the marijuana advocacy’s “it isn’t physically addictive” line is what it is. . . .
> 
> Yada-yada-yada. Ho-hum. :sleeping:
> 
> ...


while i agree that a lie is a lie...
i whole-heartedly agree that pot isnt "addictive". i think it makes lazy people more lazy, and they like being lazy so that is the behavior they perpetuate. has nothing to do with being "addicted"...they are just like that and the pot brings that to the forefront.
why?
i have been know to take a puff here and there. i dont go crazy if i go months without it. at all. dont even think about it.
i dont "party with the bros", waste large sums of money on it (maybe 60-120 dollars A YEAR), do not let it interfere with my ability to be a positive role-model for my kid(s) and other children in my family, and i have ran my family's business for 10 consecutive years. very successfully, i might add.
it always cracks me up about how so many "respectable" people rail on smoking marijuana as "addictive" and being a gateway drug and all this hoopla about how evil it is, then when they get home they have like 7 martinis.:scratchhead:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

naga75 said:


> i have been know to take a puff here and there. i dont go crazy if i go months without it. at all. dont even think about it.
> i dont "party with the bros", waste large sums of money on it (maybe 60-120 dollars A YEAR), do not let it interfere with my ability to be a positive role-model for my kid(s) and other children in my family, and i have ran my family's business for 10 consecutive years. very successfully, i might add.
> it always cracks me up about how so many "respectable" people rail on smoking marijuana as "addictive" and being a gateway drug and all this hoopla about how evil it is, then when they get home they have like 7 martinis.:scratchhead:


I don't smoke period.
But a lot of people say a lot of uninformed things about Marijuana. 
I know quite a lot of people who use it, and they are definitely not " potheads."
Potheads don't run multi million dollar successful businesses , and alcohol is proven to be far more addictive than marijuana.

As for the OP's husband, porn and pot are not big issues in my opinion.
If his marijuana and porn usage is negatively affecting your relationship then he should stop. 
But if it's a problem simply because you find it offensive , then maybe you need to take a step back.
Maybe a compromise is needed.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> If his marijuana and porn usage is negatively affecting your relationship then he should stop.
> But if it's a problem simply because you find it offensive , then maybe you need to take a step back.
> Maybe a compromise is needed.


:iagree: 100%


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

I'm going to disagree. The feeling you achieve smoking pot is addictive. My ex smoked hundreds upon hundreds of dollars worth a month. And when it wasn't weed it was porn or alcohol. He's an addict plain and simple. When he ran out he'd go ballistic. I had several issues with it. One it seemed to make his ED worse, 2 we could not afford it and 3 he was the primary bread winner, it is illegal here and he could have gotten fired for it. It's a problem


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

One lie makes me doubt all words.

Makes no difference to me if it's one or 1000 lies. I can't trust.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

happysnappy said:


> I'm going to disagree. The feeling you achieve smoking pot is addictive. My ex smoked hundreds upon hundreds of dollars worth a month. And when it wasn't weed it was porn or alcohol. He's an addict plain and simple. When he ran out he'd go ballistic. I had several issues with it. One it seemed to make his ED worse, 2 we could not afford it and 3 he was the primary bread winner, it is illegal here and he could have gotten fired for it. It's a problem


i would argue that has to do with your husbands personality more than the substance.
i know people who get like this with alcohol.
i personally had a far FAR more difficult time stopping massive alcohol consumption that i did stopping regular pot usage. night and day difference in difficulty.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

that_girl said:


> One lie makes me doubt all words.
> 
> Makes no difference to me if it's one or 1000 lies. I can't trust.


Actually, that is a wrong attitude. Everyone lies; period. Did you know 'not lying' is one of the signs of autism or a mental issue. There's a book out there; Living with the Liar (or something like it)... really good read. Lying is ok and normal, but it can go overboard. For instance, lying about pot smoking or something you know your spouse has very strong opinions about.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

that_girl said:


> One lie makes me doubt all words.
> 
> Makes no difference to me if it's one or 1000 lies. I can't trust.


So if the pants you're wearing really DO look hideous, you want him to let you know? I think you'd want him to soften it somewhat, right?

I think Deejo said it was the context that was important and I tend to agree. Is telling my wife she looks beautiful at the end of the day when she looks beat actually a bad thing to do? I don't think so. And doing so doesn't make me untrustful.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Ramifications of lying: 

Someone on TAM once said: I'm not mad because you lied to me; I'm mad because now I can't believe YOU!

What you teach people when you lie/hide information from them is that they can no longer depend on what you say to be true! From their perspective, each time you open your mouth, they have to ask themselves: how long will it be before I find out what s/he just said is a lie; and if so, how much is it going to hurt? And in their mind, there is never a definite answer......just a constant wonder of when the rug is again going to be pulled out from underneath them.

Chris - to answer your question - yes, I'd want my H to tell me if what I'm wearing is unattractive. My goal is to keep his attention not turn him off. Your 'end of the day' example: I don't see you telling your wife she's beautiful after she's had a bad day as lying. I see it as you telling her she's beautiful because of who she is not because of how she looks. Besides, if she's had that bad of a day, she already knows how she looks; you're simply reinforcing your feelings for her.


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

Why is the pot smoking an issue? That would be my question. Does it make him less motivated? Are you scared he will get fired over a drug test etc.. maybe have a conversation regarding his actions when he smokes. Or try to reach some kind of compromise, maybe smoking only on Saturday night or something.. I do not consider pot to be a "drug addiction" BTW

Just wondering since I do it occasionally  BUT it has never been an issue, once in a while at a party or concert etc.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Zombie thread, dude.
Carry on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Racer said:


> Actually, that is a wrong attitude. Everyone lies; period. Did you know 'not lying' is one of the signs of autism or a mental issue. There's a book out there; Living with the Liar (or something like it)... really good read. Lying is ok and normal, but it can go overboard. For instance, lying about pot smoking or something you know your spouse has very strong opinions about.


My husband lied about ever loving me or ever being "in" this marriage. He was pretending for 5 years.

I'd say that his ONE LIE makes me doubt all his words. Thanks.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Racer said:


> Actually, that is a wrong attitude. Everyone lies; period. Did you know 'not lying' is one of the signs of autism or a mental issue. There's a book out there; Living with the Liar (or something like it)... really good read. Lying is ok and normal, but it can go overboard. For instance, lying about pot smoking or something you know your spouse has very strong opinions about.


Of course everyone Lies on occassion (or tries to avoid) ..... but *why* is the question/ the motivation behind it ... to save your own butt- so YOU won't look bad/ get caught...OR to not blatantly hurt another for an unnecessary reason, that would just be mean spirited ? That is the question to ask ourselves. 

Sometimes the truth would be better - so the other person is seeing with both eyes ....especially when you know that person Feeds off of your honesty...trusts, it, banks on it. We shouldn't have to guess this with those we are closest to in life & love. 

Many do *White lies*...I am one of those people who SHOULD "white lie" more often.....I have this tendency to say more than I need too...open mouth/ insert foot.... and heaven forbid...Do NOT ask me a question if you don't want to hear it straight. I will not LIE on those...I may pause , even ask you to brace yourself.....and "temper" the truth - but it's still the truth. I'm learned some grace over the years - in my delivery...

I , too, have weaseled out some *white lies* ....with some people I DIDN'T want to get too close too, just to spar them in another direction. 

But in my marriage.... NADA....and I'm not mental... No autism...never needed any psyche medicine yet. Some of the things I have said over the years may have been hard to swallow in a moment.... but husband says this is WHY he trusts me so much... he will gladly take the GOOD with the BAD. 

It does help though.... to surround yourself with people who can HANDLE the truth & prefer it over







. Nothing worse than feeling you have to hide a significant part of who you are -because someone else can not* accept *the WHO that YOU ARE. I'm not into "putting on the Plastic" for people. 

I just don't feel people make lasting DEEP "connections" when we hide & Lie our way through relationships...it's like taking the Wind out of the Sail... destroys the whole trip... 

While being honest at every turn... may cause some FIGHTS/ arguments/ some turbulent storms at sea.... but you're still moving, working together....and when you battle those in honesty....the relationship has triumphed.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

savevsdeath said:


> Marijuana is not addictive, and she is over-reacting. If he isn't blazing up a big 'ol bowl around her or the kid, it's probably fine. Her lack of trust, over what amounts to a few very small white lies, is also telling. Maybe he lies to you because you over-react if he tells you the truth?


Yeah, it's not additive, but people give up on jobs, marriage, careeer, self-respect, prosperity, in fact, ALMOST ANYTHING to keep doing it. 

Just keep lying to yourself. A joint will make you feel just fine about it, too.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

By that definition pretty much everything is addictive...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> I don't smoke period.
> But a lot of people say a lot of uninformed things about Marijuana.
> I know quite a lot of people who use it, and they are definitely not " potheads."
> Potheads don't run multi million dollar successful businesses , and alcohol is proven to be far more addictive than marijuana.
> ...


This is how I feel too....I was referring more to *lying*... I just don't believe in Lying.... I'd rather have an honest brawl with my spouse if it led to that....than him LIE to me- over *A**N**Y**T**H**I**N**G*.....then we'll calm down ...and discuss it. 

When we met... I told him I smoked a joint once...I even had a necklace with a marijuana plant on it.... his one sister must have heard this ...and I recall her *not* being nice to me when we met at all...she just didn't like me. 

Here I just learned last Thanksgiving....31 yrs later the reason why..... she thought I was a "drug addict" and a bad influence on her little brother...boy did I ever :rofl: at that ! What a misunderstanding if there ever was one. 

I tried it ONCE...I wanted to see if it would affect my mind... it did... I couldn't stop laughing & fell into a little stream.... my curiosity *test *was served.

Never did it again...even though my friends smoked it around me. .....I was "loopy" enough without the weed.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I'm convinced everyone tells some lies of one sort or another... most often to protect others feelings, commonly to avoid conflict over what they consider a non-issue (ie he probably doesn't really get why his smoking pot is such a big deal to you).

While I don't believe lying leads to more and bigger lies... I do think that someone who lies to avoid the repercussions of one action will lie about any such actions. That doesn't mean he's out doing wrong, but if he was, he'd probably lie about it.

Its much harder to say "Hey, I smoke pot. I like smoking pot, and I don't care to give it up just because you don't like it."


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

naga75 said:


> By that definition pretty much everything is addictive...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even sex is addictive.
Some people give up on jobs, marriage, careeer, self-respect, prosperity, in fact, ALMOST ANYTHING to keep doing it....

Haha!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I tried it ONCE...I wanted to see if it would affect my mind... *it did... I couldn't stop laughing & fell into a little stream.... *my curiosity *test *was served.
> 
> Never did it again...even though my friends smoked it around me. .....I was "loopy" enough without the weed.


:lol:
You're lucky.
That was some _good weed_ you smoked SA!:rofl:

I never smoked marijuana. I grew around my older brother and uncles smoking it , but I was never curious because I didn't like how it smelled.
I am very picky with scents.
I used to smoke cigarettes but I quit early .
The only noticeable effect I saw marijuana having on those around me was that they were more relaxed and ate more food whenever the smoked.
They would eat a huge meal and go to sleep.
They usually smoked in the evening time after they came home from work.
And they didn't have to purchase it because their friends cultivated it. Neither were they addicted, because later in life they all quit smoking.
I think its addictive to those who are weak. To most users, its just a recreational thing like alcohol. Just like excessive alcohol can be bad.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My wife and I both have a habit of omitting. I don't know what's worse.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I've been the brunt of loving lies. I've seen it done to others. It messes with your head.

I have been accused of being too blunt or insensitive.

What is the happy medium? What is the best thing to do?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

George529 said:


> So if you got a new hairdo/outfit etc. and asked your husband what he thought and he honestly thought it looked bad, would you _really_ want him to be honest? Every time I had a gf that would ask that I'd git my head bitten off for being honest, and it wasn't as if I would even say something like "No way, that looks disgusting!" more akin to "Well, I think the other one you had look better".


 Honesty YES ... I want to know *the truth*... I can not stand people who use







flattery... better to not open your mouth...I want people to be genuine with me, or what is it really worth ?? 

Now Granted, my husband is very attracted to me...he never fails to show me how much.... so even if he didn't care for an "outfit"... why would that be a big deal... it may be a difference of opinion...*but if I ask, I genuinely want to know how HE feels ... * I wouldn't put him in the dog house for that, any more than I'd want him to treat me like that -for being honest. 

Why take it personal...after all ...it is just clothes... If I started gaining too much weight & it was bothering him ...I'd want to know this as well..... because I deeply value his desire....if that goes, so does our intimacy, and I'll not be a happy camper... so If I can adjust something on my end...then that's what I need to do! 

Speaking of a new Hair-do ... I am the type of wife *who would ask* how he felt about a style before I surprised him with it... Again, I CARE how he feels... what trips his triggers. Just as he wouldn't grow a beard cause I'd be upset ! 

We're REAL with each other... if my cooking is bad, he lets me know...why take it personal..he makes fun of it, the kids join it... we have a good time... I know I can be a master chef when I take the time... I don't expect flowers & flattery every day from his mouth... Hell no, that would get boring anyway.....

If I'm being a bi*ch, he'll tell me so.







I don't hold that against him... He's right ! If the skirt is ugly...if I look like an old lady....if it makes me look fat & he prefers something else ... I want the truth! 

That way, when he says to me ...."damn you look HOT"...in those moments, I know it's REAL, it's genuine....that has to mean something. Otherwise, it's all watered down. 




> Also, say you were preparing a surprise for your wife/gf but had to keep it secret and had to lie to do so?


 A surprise is just that ....a Surpise, it's a good thing, it's a Happy planned Event to Bless another..... and the truth comes out when everyone yells "SURPRISE".... This would never fall under Lying to me.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

They must have broke the mold after you, SA. Thank you.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

2ntnuf said:


> I have been accused of being too blunt or insensitive. What is the happy medium? What is the best thing to do?


 I can be BLUNT... my family sees this the most...They find great humor in it though. 

A happy medium...Just learning some "tact"....combined with how to articulately express yourself without attaching too much offense... I have grown in my "delivery" with others over the years.... One of my best friends told me not long ago -she used to be intimidated by me- for years .... but said I've gotten sweeter with age. 

Every day we will run across people who view life from different lenses as us....it's not an offense.. .we don't have to like their music... enjoy their sports teams.... agree with their political views to get along. If they are that sensitive, they need help...not YOU. 

But it helps to not come off like an egotistical "know it all " with black & white thinking...... this is where so many get in trouble... Listening to another.. offering some relatable feedback is helpful/ what you *do* share in common..... this shows them some respect/ some understanding......then sharing your view politely and even agreeing to disagee...will go FAR in life...

Of course this is FAR easier if you are not sharing a HOME and a bed with these people. 

This has helped me get along with near anyone I have come across.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thank you, SA.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I tried it ONCE...I wanted to see if it would affect my mind... it did... I couldn't stop laughing & fell into a little stream.... my curiosity *test *was served.


Oh I can top that SA, lol.

Had it last year, for the first time in my life. I got high off _one hit_; not even a whole joint. I spent the next few hours oscillating between feeling incredibly mellow, giddy, and extremely paranoid.

Never again.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I adore the though of SA giggling uncontrollably and falling into a little stream. So cute.

Marijuana always just made me fall asleep.


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

George529 said:


> Well SA I think you're in the minority as far as women are concerned.


I can tell my wife anything, she does not try to impress anybody so I can't insult her by telling her that her dress is not that great. I'm not kidding she would probably just laugh at me. Actually she dresses really bummy at home but still looks good. 

She is great I don't have to watch what I say, but I never get down right insulting. I probably get on her more over eating onions than anything else. I tell her she stinks and I kiss her anyway.

I could see where someone would have to be a little careful what they say to their significant other though, some people just want more kind words. And thats why they ask your opinion on dress, hairdoo, etc.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Honest all the way. 

Live your truth. Accept others' truths.

I have it tattoo'd on my body, that.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

George529 said:


> So if you got a new hairdo/outfit etc. and asked your husband what he thought and he honestly thought it looked bad, would you _really_ want him to be honest? Every time I had a gf that would ask that I'd git my head bitten off for being honest, and it wasn't as if I would even say something like "No way, that looks disgusting!" more akin to "Well, I think the other one you had look better".
> 
> Also, say you were preparing a surprise for your wife/gf but had to keep it secret and had to lie to do so?


My husband has essentially told me some of my meals are bad...hey, it's not a newsflash to me that cooking isn't my strong point! But yes, I'd rather know and as he's chef of our home, he's also able to help me for future meals. 

He has does this both in a humorous way before, that really had me laughing when he didn't like my meal, as well as just telling me straight - but that doesn't mean it's hurtful. Maybe because I trust him, I know what he's telling me is coming from a good place. Being honest with those types of things doesn't mean the other person's feelings can't be considered.

As a brunette who's just turned blonde, I have asked my husband what he thinks of my hair. He said he likes it but he does prefer my natural color/brunette. He knows I'd been wanting to try something different, so he encouraged me to roll with it for a while as a bit of fun but as a preference he prefers me as a brunette.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Let's expand the example.

"If you stole some staples from the office, you'll steal my wallet."

"If you screwed a girl once, you'll screw anyone."

"If you punched a man in a fight, you are a constant dangerous maniac."

Does that seem a bit outrageous to you with the generalizations?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

But those aren't the lies I've heard.

"The car was only 1200 bucks!" (it was 5000! From our savings!  )

"Yea, I filed the taxes..." (Only to get a letter from the IRS a year later asking where the return was.)

"I just took out a loan..." (Yea, it was his 401K which he did NOT pay the taxes for when he took it out so our taxes were CRAZY bad ...checks were garnished this year....AND he blew through 11,000 dollars with NOTHING to show for it.)

"I love you..." (He just forgot to say he was not in love with me, or ever was...that he never wanted to get married, that he didn't want this life. )

Looking back, at some things he's said to me about stuff (personal things), I even distrust his fidelity and monogamy. But, eh...it's all in the wash. Divorce will be filed this month.

I'd say though, that I TRULY do not trust him. Not as a wife should. But it's ok because i've distanced myself from him and am just taking care of my own. Thank GOD we never merged bank accounts, etc.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I don't really remember lying much. I would have to have someone tell me what they thought was a lie I told. I could then judge if it was or not. I do remember lying at times. I didn't consider them as terrible, but I'm sure someone did.

When I told someone something and they didn't believe me no matter how I proved myself, I would sometimes agree with their point of view because it was easier for them to let go of the issue they had with me. Unfortunately, at some point if I have to deal with that person again, they will believe I am a liar or they will have another issue with me revolving around the original. Some folks just can't accept certain concepts. I am one of them, too. Mine are different from most.


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