# I love him, but we need to separate!



## Innosenses (Jul 8, 2011)

I no I should have got to no my husband more before we got married in one week, but we made it to two years plus. He did not have his own place or never has for this matter, I thought his his bank account read 5 digits that he had financial control of his life!.......

Okay my husband and I have a decent relationship, but I feel as if he has somethings to learn that I can not teach him in the home with me! Weird, but as long as he has me to depend on for the bills, or deep cleaning, he will never think we need these things done. He tells me things like "if you don't take care of me, my mother will. I don't have to work!" I ask for help all the time and explain that we will reach our dreams faster if he helped. He says, "Are you going to just save my money!" I got sad, mad and confused, but said "No I will put your half on the bills and save my own money!" 

I do understand that we are one and should share everything, but I am getting frustrated! He has been doing at home work on the internet! He has made about $5.00 in the last years in a half. His mother has sent Him about $1000.00 in the last yr, but the last part of that was in December. I do for his youngest child a little, bc her mother be acting crazy( when she no this man don't have no job!) I just asked him to do for himself for a week and he did not participate!

So what should I do? 

I probably would let him stay with me I just need him to bring in some money even a dollar a day! I just want some help, I am do struggling and we have all our needs meet. Our dreams are just on hold!


----------



## laser-monkey (Sep 7, 2012)

Have you told him how you feel about all this? you've got good reason to be upset and you've got an idea of what you want from him.

what is your threshold of acceptance on this? would you really stay if he was making a dollar a day? how long would you put up with that before needing him to do more?

I would say you need to be clear (within yourself) about what you want from him and also be clear about what you will do if you don't get that (will you leave? will you give him a time limite? etc). 

Once you're clear on what you need and what the consequqences are, talk to him. Sit him down and say I need x from you or I am going to do y.


----------



## Innosenses (Jul 8, 2011)

I was using a dollar as a hyperbole but I also saw it as motivation for him to continue making money. I don't want to leave, but I am getting frustrated about the outcome. Yes I have spoken to him about all of this, but the responses are like those above. I believe God give me this blessing and he does not make mistakes, so I am not sure what my limits are and what my outcome should be. But Thanks, this gives me something to think about.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yikes! He sounds very unmotivated and lazy. These are not qualities I look for in a man. I was the breadwinner in my first marriage. My ex h spent money like we were millionaires. This wasn't the only issue, but I did leave. 

It sounds like he is using you for a roof over his head and food on the table. It sounds like he doesn't love or respect you by saying he could live with his mother. This statement would hurt me emotionally. To me it sounds like he does not want to grow up and take responsibility. He wants a mother, not a wife.

Does he clean, cook and do all the child care? Or is he home all day on the Xbox or computer playing games? 

I'd be fed up with this behavior and leave. My ex h still works very minimally and his wife works 3 jobs to pay the bills. He is not nice to women and is abusive as well. 

You can make it on your own without him.


----------

