# An experiment I wish would happen...



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I'm wondering what would happen if there could be a monitored study of the results to a test like this:

Get a random number of 100 married couples, or a thousand, or whatever substantial number of couples you'd like, who both agree there have never been fidelity issues or cheating issues in their marriage, and who say they are both happy in their marriage...no matter what the length of their marriage is...and get each partner in each marriage to offer up their cell phone right there on the spot to the other partner to freely go through the phone.

Then for step two, get the test taker, or the person conducting this experiment to have each spouse agree to have the tester run a deleted text check on each phone...

How many couples would accept the challenge do you think...percentage-wise?

How many couples do you think would have evidence of emotional affairs in these texts found from the couples who accepted the challenge...percentage-wise?


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## Feelingbad12 (Jan 6, 2016)

Hmmmm I don't know. I have never cheated ever but I don't like my husband going through my phone.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

Feelingbad12 said:


> Hmmmm I don't know. I have never cheated ever but I don't like my husband going through my phone.


Can I ask why?...I'm not implying there's any fidelity issues, but I'm curious as to what other texts might be considered private...feminine issues ?, friend's advice possibly?...


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

If I ever feel that have to routinely audit my wife to see if she's slipping around, I'll be looking for another wife.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

When my H hacked into my phone and email accounts that was worse to me in some ways than his cheating on me. Like he was entitled to his privacy. but I wasn't. He backed off, but continued to monitor my phone calls on our family account, saying I could do the same, if I wanted to. I told him that I couldn't live that way, that I never once considered spying on him, even after he told me about affair number one. Marriage doesn't preclude privacy in my book. I don't want to know with whom he is in communication with and never have and I expect the same from him. After reading TAM for the last year, maybe that makes me in the minority, but that's the way I'm built. Perhaps I would feel differently though if I was the jealous type.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I trust, and with good reason. I also verify, with no bad results. Of course we didn't grow up with cell phones and we really don't text much unless we have to communicate with our children. See VAR thread.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I would be up for it if there was some sort of wager


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.. I don't talk about anything that I wouldn't say in front of my H..


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## Feelingbad12 (Jan 6, 2016)

There is nothing bad but there are things that could be misinterpreted or I vent about my relationship or say things that I know he wouldn't like to read about our relationship etc. It's like my diary.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I also use my iPad as a journal/diary. When my H was having his affair I discovered that he was reading all of my private things....what is it with cheats needing to invade the BS's privacy??!?

The thing that hurt me the most was I was a total wreck at the time, even writing about suicide & he couldn't care less...it didn't change his behavior.

Before all of this happened I NEVER had passwords on anything. I thought I'd never need to keep secrets in my marriage....then I discovered that it was ALL a big pile of lies & betrayals.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

no issue here. i havent the secret to hide nor any "angle" or power play to exercise against my ex's (or when they were with me). Don't have issue about them going through my email/fb or computer stuff ... except certain political and gender politics might piss them off, but these are people I've been naked and planned lifetimes with, and futures for children..people I've shared safewords with. Why should "privacy" be an issue?
I really don't give a damn if one of my mates wants to go through them either, or to skim my pictures (or porn collection)... All my "skeletons" are up front - if I can't justify the action to be publicly known, then why would I allow the action or word to be part of my "private" internal life??


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Feelingbad12 said:


> There is nothing bad but there are things that could be misinterpreted or I vent about my relationship or say things that I know he wouldn't like to read about our relationship etc. It's like my diary.


Question is are the vents exagerated? Have you discussed, not just hinted at, the issues with your spouse? Are your vents to a female friend only? Is she a friend of the marriage?

I have no issue with wife looking at my phone. She is transparent too. She used to get email invites to join AM. First one she handed me Her phone and said "Look at this sh*t" 
Her first hubby was serial cheater and she despises that behavior.

She will not even listen to singers who she knows cheated on their spouses. Her ex was a singer in a band.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Since Ol' Arb has no one yet to switch cell phones with, it wouldn't really make any difference!

However, upon my earthly demise, I have instructed my boys to give my iPhone to my RSXW already open to TAM, where she can see all of the complimentary posts that I've made about her and her acumen for imitating a prostitute! Hell, after she views my extensive TAM verbiage, you guys might even get yourself a brand new member, telling all of my you more about the ins and outs of cheating than you would ever care to know!

But back to the subject matter at hand: Since I've never ever cheated, I'd have absolutely no problems in switching phones with any spouse or significant other!

In fact, once they start perusing my phone, they might even get a tad bored!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

deg20 said:


> I'm wondering what would happen if there could be a monitored study of the results to a test like this:
> 
> Get a random number of 100 married couples, or a thousand, or whatever substantial number of couples you'd like, who both agree there have never been fidelity issues or cheating issues in their marriage, and who say they are both happy in their marriage...no matter what the length of their marriage is...and get each partner in each marriage to offer up their cell phone right there on the spot to the other partner to freely go through the phone.
> 
> ...


Well I know what my results would be. I fear for most of humanity though


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

BrokenLady said:


> I also use my iPad as a journal/diary. When my H was having his affair I discovered that he was reading all of my private things....what is it with cheats needing to invade the BS's privacy??!?
> 
> The thing that hurt me the most was I was a total wreck at the time, even writing about suicide & he couldn't care less...it didn't change his behavior.
> 
> Before all of this happened I NEVER had passwords on anything. I thought I'd never need to keep secrets in my marriage....then I discovered that it was ALL a big pile of lies & betrayals.


It's the way the cheater tries to feel better about themselves. If you are cheating then they can skip the guilt....if they are capable of even doing such a thing.

My X just assumed I had also cheated because in her mind everyone does. She said "so you never on all these years cheated on me"...ummm no I'm not like you


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