# Fixing Things & Advice on how to deal with SIL



## mizzbrowneyes (May 17, 2013)

I posted a topic in Divorce & Separation not too long ago about my husband and I's dilemma http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/78761-dont-know-if-i-should-call-seperated-please-help-really-desperate.html

So We have been talking and things have been good..I haven't opened myself up too much though. We were talking last night and he was telling me how he was upset that I went straight for trying to get a divorce when that's not what he wanted but for us to have some time apart to really miss each other and appreciate each other so we can work together and stop arguing with each other.

After a lot of thinking and even talking with one of my BIL's, I see his point so I'm opening myself up to communicate more and just talk about our problems and humble myself and listen without bickering or making him feel like he's not important. 

I am willing to work on our friendship again...just not in the way in which he proposed it lol.

However, the other problems comes with his sister. After talking to my BIL he echoed my same feeling that my husband's sister has been replacing her husband with mine because of things going on with them: all the communication and comfort that she should be seeking from her husband, she has intervened in my marriage and is getting it from her brother, leaving me alone and depressed.

The fact that my husband compared me to her is already a sore spot and I plan on discussing that issue today as I feel I am not perfect, but should be loved for who I am, flaws and all. 

As I am in the midst of rebuilding my friendship and my marriage with my husband, I need some good wisdom on how to deal with his sister and let her know how I feel and letting her know that I will not be second place. I want to make sure I do it in a way that I don't sound like a *****, but let her know that I am 100 % serious and be firm with what I say.

I will not tolerate anyone coming in between my marriage and it upsets me that while we were having these issues, my husband let it happen.

I would really appreciate any good advice, especially from older couples. I am almost 23 and my husband is 27 so we're young and still messing up, but I want us to go in the right direction with each with a fresh start.

Sorry its so long!!!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

In laws can be a tough one. It takes both committed spouses to deal with their own families and put the marriage first. 

IMHO you should, in a responsible way, explain to your husband that importance of prioritizing your marriage and dealing with his family, as you should deal with yours. You should not directly deal with his or it will only make things worse.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I'm not really sure of your situation, you said in a previous post you'd been going to shelters to sleep. Then finally moved in with the SIL. But, my opinion is that as long as your in that house, things are only gonna get worse, you feel more and more abandon and he's getting more and more comfortable. This is toxic to your marriage. 

Is there no where else you can go, what about your family? You might just need to go, give him some time, and hope he comes to you, but staying there is like playing with a fixed deck of cards, your not gonna win.


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