# Comment from 7yr Old highly concerns me. Or am I over analyzing?



## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

My daughter made the most bizzar comment and I cannot get it out of my mind.

Brief set up: Her dad watches the game show "baggage" hosted by Jerry Springer (of course) which I COMPLETELY do not like her to watch. If any of you have seen it, know it, you understand why she should not be watching or even hearing this show. It comes on right at time we are getting ready to eat dinner, so she is 'hearing' the show. Finally the other day I told him it is not appropriate for her as they talk about the lady's / guy's baggage such as being "I need sex 2x a day" or "I love to smell dirty underware". Ya, very eductational! NOT!!

So anyway, he did finally agree to not have it on when she is present. 

So, with that little background here is the synopsis of my little conversation my 7yr old daughter:

Her: Mommy, when I get older I"m gonna find me a boyfriend on baggage
Me: No, that is a dumb game show and not the appropriate way to find a real boyfriend. And besides, you do not HAVE to have a boyfriend. You need to enjoy life growing up, do things that you like and make you happy. Boyfriends come much later in life and do not have to happen at all.
Her: Well, I'm not gonna die alone!

WOW....that comment went through me like a thousand knives!! Where the hell did that come from??? I never have spoke those words, I asked H and he swears he hasnt. Possibly was this comment made on TV? She said just as if she completely understood the meaning and concept of that phrase!

I responded with "you will never be alone or die alone and I hope you never ever feel that way". She ended subject like no big deal and went on doing her thing. 

I am still struggling over that one. She is 7!! Is this what our marriage has done to her? Our struggles? Is my depression and feeling down on myself made her feel she's going to grow up alone? I'm baffeled and very heart broken over it. Am I extremely over analyzing this comment? 

Not to mention H has been reading books and watching DVDs. She seen him downstairs one day and ask what he was watching. He replied with movies to help me be a better dad. She said to him 'you don't need those' he responde "well mommy doesn't think so!" WHAT? REALLY? Did he just plant the see to her that if our marriage doesn't work I am the evil one? The entire reason? 

ERRRR!!! Yes, he has done some very mentally abusive things to her and I both that supposedly he says he realizes are wrong and that he has major insecurity issues. But to TELL her 'Mommy doesn't think so???" What the hell else is he telling her?? Maybe HE did tell her "daddy doesn't want to die alone" and like other comments that he should not make to a 7 yr old, passed it off as a normal conversation?

Oh and not to mention, she is jumping for American Heart Association. I donated flat $20, put his name down for him to donate and then grandma's did as well etc. She says to him "mommy gave $20...what about you?" So he put's $20 down then says "This is the last time I'm doing this. Don't ask me to donate like this anymore". In my mind I thought "Hmmm...your'll give $20 a week to a church you barely know and are not even a member of, but you have nerve to tell your daughter who is jumping rope for the American Heart Assoc. that you do not want her to ask for anything she wants to do for a cause again???" 

Needless to say this week has put me in a whirlwind. Not to mention PMS mixed in. She obviously is affected but her feeling she 'doesn't want to die alone' breaks my heart. Could she sense that I feel lonely? Old? Depressed? That I'm not happy? Is her thought process all my fault and doing? I try very hard to not be a downer around her. I don't know. Some say I waaaay over analyze. How do you not when your child says something like that?


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Sounds like one of those silly comments kids make to me. Maybe she picked something up, heard it said before... Kind of like my daughter telling me she didn't want to ever get pregnant, just adopt (after hearing talk about the physical things that happen during pregnancy and probably me talking about how SHE gave me boobs and she doesn't really want them that big HAHA)

If you want to know for sure, I think you have to ask somehow what she meant by that... but she is 7! So lord knows what she might tell you HAAA that might just make it MORE confusing (I am STILL trying to figure out things my daughter said at 7 as she is going on 10 HAAAA)


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I wouldn't be too worried. Kids hear things at school, on tv, at friends houses, there's so many places she could have heard that. And they repeat things, whether they understand it or not. Heck, yesterday my 7 yr old came up to me and asked me if I wanted a knuckle sandwich. When I asked him if he knew what that meant, he said no. I told him, and he immediately apologized for saying it. He'd heard it in a movie (a kids Disney movie, no less) and thought it was funny because he didn't know what it meant. She probably heard that somewhere and thinks it funny or cute or who knows what, but I wouldn't be worried that it's anything significant.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Emotional Wreck...of everyone's posts here who get lost in the highways of my mind...yours remains in there going around in a circle. I have had grave concerns for you and your daughter both. I guess that's no secret.

If it were a one-time thing, I might be inclined to talk about it with her, and then just see what else might pop up that would give me opportunities to use as life lessons about being alone. However...you have many, many issues going on in your marriage and in your home in general (I'm not throwing stones here, btw)..and it does make me wonder if now that she's getting older, and older...if it's not going to start manifesting itself in different ways. 

This may be something, it may not. You have no way of knowing for sure if your H said something or not. I don't believe he'd be truthful with you anyway. But he's not my husband, so I may just be shooting my mouth off here. You know him better than I do.


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

major misfit said:


> Emotional Wreck...of everyone's posts here who get lost in the highways of my mind...yours remains in there going around in a circle. I have had grave concerns for you and your daughter both. I guess that's no secret.
> 
> If it were a one-time thing, I might be inclined to talk about it with her, and then just see what else might pop up that would give me opportunities to use as life lessons about being alone. However...you have many, many issues going on in your marriage and in your home in general (I'm not throwing stones here, btw)..and it does make me wonder if now that she's getting older, and older...if it's not going to start manifesting itself in different ways.
> 
> This may be something, it may not. You have no way of knowing for sure if your H said something or not. I don't believe he'd be truthful with you anyway. But he's not my husband, so I may just be shooting my mouth off here. You know him better than I do.


Yes, I'm still very lost and obvoiusly not making any sense or the best of judgements. No worries over stones.  This is why I still come here and just spew it all out. AND I've had the same comment mad they think more and more things are affecting her. 

Why and how do you get past the fear and guilt? Guilt may not be the proper word. Again...it's that same thing of worring about everyone else around to not 'upset the applecart' as I make myself feel I have to clean it up regarless.

I understand kids say things and hear things from many areas. I guess my worry and concern with this is, IS due to the past events/situations. I did ask H, and he acted like it was no big deal. But again, as you know, or view, I don't think he realizes the things he says/does. Just like flat out telling her "I'm learning to be a better dad" and she innocently says 'you don't need that' he then replies with "but mommy doesn't think so". I honestly believe he thinks that statement is okay to say to her. HENCE, since I know he can be vindictive, he has admited he can be to me and many others, makes me more fearful thinking just stay under rader, keep going through motions, interviening when needed to 'keep peace' and not upset the apple cart of this family. Family meaning, me, H and DD. BECAUSE, I fear by way of his words, intentional or not, knowing or not, she will blame me or maybe hate me some day.

I just want to wake up, be the best mom I can, learning along the way of course, but just like my self and my days for ME. Why do we (I) make that so extremely difficult and out of reach?

Thanks again.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Sounds like something she heard from t.v. Most 7yo aren't thinking of dying.


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## Smoothie (Mar 3, 2011)

It sounds like something she could have heard in any romantic comedy, or even on a disney TV show. It's weird how they throw that sort of stuff in there sometimes.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

emotionalwreck said:


> Why and how do you get past the fear and guilt? Guilt may not be the proper word. Again...it's that same thing of worring about everyone else around to not 'upset the applecart' as I make myself feel I have to clean it up regarless.


If you ever figure that out, let me know. I carry enough guilt around for 10 mothers. I live with fear every day, though for different reasons. Fear is fear, however. 



> I understand kids say things and hear things from many areas. I guess my worry and concern with this is, IS due to the past events/situations. I did ask H, and he acted like it was no big deal. But again, as you know, or view, I don't think he realizes the things he says/does. Just like flat out telling her "I'm learning to be a better dad" and she innocently says 'you don't need that' he then replies with "but mommy doesn't think so". I honestly believe he thinks that statement is okay to say to her. HENCE, since I know he can be vindictive, he has admited he can be to me and many others, makes me more fearful thinking just stay under rader, keep going through motions, interviening when needed to 'keep peace' and not upset the apple cart of this family. Family meaning, me, H and DD. BECAUSE, I fear by way of his words, intentional or not, knowing or not, she will blame me or maybe hate me some day.


That whole "walking on eggshells" thing. You're carrying the burden of his fatherhood, and your motherhood as well. Very tiring.



> I just want to wake up, be the best mom I can, learning along the way of course, but just like my self and my days for ME. Why do we (I) make that so extremely difficult and out of reach?


I honestly believe the answer to that question is fear. It's not like you're exactly alone in your efforts to raise your daughter. You're trying to counter what you perceive is harm by someone else (not saying it isn't, btw). It's obvious you love your D and want the best for her. I sure wish your H would go for counseling, and not through the church either.


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## e.dawne (Mar 7, 2011)

wow emotional it must be very tiring being you!!!! I agree with misfit. I think first off that you need to set some rules and some boundaries with this show that he watches. if he wants to watch it fine- but not with your DD in room. He either watches later or she leaves and does something else. Jerry Springer is not a good influence ON ANYONE!!! Secondly- take a BREATHE!!! You sound like a wonderful mother and need to understand we will ALL mess up our kids. as long as we love them and make sure they know that, its the best we can do. A dentist once told me - when i had to take my autisic son in for the first time when he was 5 and had really bad teeth- hey: he is fed, clothed and looks happy- you are doing a good job.  I think you need to listen to you heart on this "alone" thing. what do you believe? do you believe in god? maybe sit down with your DD and tell her she is NEVER alone cause she has god (or some other deity), maybe tell her its your job to raise her to be strong and rely on herself and she will ALWAYS have her mother (and father).  It might make you feel better if you sat down with you DH and tell him seriously (not emotionally) that you are worried about what your DD sees and hears. Your feelings are valid. And whatever your DH says- he is trying and he needs to hear how you feel and that you want him to do something about it, at least if you tell him it will stick in his mind a little and, hey, you never know it might make a difference. 
im not sure what this means:
"I just want to wake up, be the best mom I can, learning along the way of course, but just like my self and my days for ME. Why do we (I) make that so extremely difficult and out of reach?"
It seems like kids are sometimes psychic to the problems in our homes and our relationship, so you have to keep that in mind when you are around her. Im not sure the full detail of your relationship but im sure if there are even a little bit of problems your DD will "feel the vibe" and go from there. All you can do is try to be ready ( i know its impossible to be ready for those questions) but at least be honest with her and make sure she knows that the problems you are having are YOUR problems not hers. I know, easier said then done. At the end of the day- we all worry about hurting or changing our children in some horrible way. But the only thing (in my opinion) to do is just relax, take the hurdles as they come and just try as hard as you can to love them and show them that love. (PS i have two sons, one whom is 7 and when he says strange things- and believe me he does {mostly cause he has autism} i try to explain why that what he said is maybe hurtful to me and the consequences of what he says, and then i tell him its my job to worry-even for him, and its his job to have fun and be a kid.) Hope all this helps a bit, if nothing. Keep strong and chin up. :smthumbup:


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm an emotional wreck just reading all that..

I'd just chill on it. Kids say the most amazing things.:rofl: She probably is picking up on your husband and/or your cues. Or what society is saying. And yeah, she's probably got some notions from the state of your marriage. Welcome to the real world. LOTS of kids grow up in less than picture perfect families and turn out just fine. 

The bigger deal you make the more she'll blow it up. Kids love to get a reaction so don't give her one.  Just laugh it off and go take her for an ice cream cone or something and if she has a concern or problem talk to her reasonably and rationally. 

Don't be such an emotional wreck! That has more of an impact than anything else.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Kids will eventually hear and see some things only reserved for adults. A parents job is to help the child gain perspective through your guidance and teaching. Explain to them the trashy nature of the show and expect better things from your child.


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## LGSL (Mar 23, 2011)

I think you should follow your gut and not let her watch that show or watch TV. She's got better things she can be doing.


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