# Can we talk about body image and perception in relationships?



## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

This is a body image thing that has been a factor in my marriage for a long time. I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with or has experienced something similar and what have your responses to it been?

So, I have a healthy body image. I'm healthy, my doc says so, my size 8 jeans say so... etc. I'm comfortable in my skin, like my body, eat healthy, have a personal sense of style, etc. I'm 20 lbs heavier then when I met my husband in my 20's, but I was pretty darn waif-like back then... and, hey, I'm a mom of three. 

My husband is a fitness rat, hardcore military guy. He thinks nothing of 3-4 hour evenings at the gym. Which is fine. 

He's always been a little extreme. Pre-marriage he would look at other woman in a size 8 and call her fat.... my response was always, "Watch it big guy, she's perfectly lovely, and I won't be tiny forever..." I can't say I didn't know what I was getting into. 

Recently, he called me, us, both obese. In a serious, 'I'm concerned about our health' kind of way. He wasn't trying to be insulting. I didn't take it that way. It did shed light on how... out of touch he is with real bodies and what 'normal' is. 

I'm not really looking for advice or trying to fix it. Because, I'm just going to keep doing what I am doing and not worry too much. I did make him look up medical statistics, both worldwide and in the US because, seriously... understanding the real facts are important. I'm really just curious who else has dealt with some body perception issues with their spouses/significant others.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> So, I have a healthy body image. I'm healthy, my doc says so, my size 8 jeans say so


Yeah. You are fine. He needs to get a clue. Period. I don't even need to know how tall you are, percent body fat, etc.

Only an idiot would think you are obese. He needs to knock it off.

God, I hope this doesn't turn into a "women get fat and let themselves go" thread. Because you haven't.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

You are going to get some wildly different answers. I like my women squishy but there is a fine line between squishy and "too many folds on that body"

Someone who is a couch potato with 30% body fat will think your body is super sexy but someone walking around with 5% body fat might think you are not fit enough. Some people like red heads, some brunettes.... some are ass people and some are breasts. 

If you try to please everyone, or fit into some standard bucket you will fail. I'd rather be with a women that is super confident in her body (regardless of body fat%) instead of a super model who is worried about her body and wants 'the lights off'


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Steve2.0 said:


> You are going to get some wildly different answers. I like my women squishy but there is a fine line between squishy and "too many folds on that body"
> 
> Someone who is a couch potato with 30% body fat will think your body is super sexy but someone walking around with 5% body fat might think you are not fit enough. Some people like red heads, some brunettes.... some are ass people and some are breasts.
> 
> If you try to please everyone, or fit into some standard bucket you will fail. I'd rather be with a women that is super confident in her body (regardless of body fat%) instead of a super model who is worried about her body and wants 'the lights off'


Per her original post, she wears a size 8. Not obese, not 30% body fat. SHE is healthy according to her jeans and her doctor.

I cannot imagine any sane person giving a wild answer unless they just use the thread to go off on a fat chick rant.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

You are fine. I would have no issues with him taking extreme views and measures of his own body, it's what 'drives' him but once he starts bringing it into your arena and your not unhealthy or obese, he needs to check himself before he wrecks himself


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> Per her original post, she wears a size 8. Not obese, not 30% body fat. SHE is healthy according to her jeans and her doctor.
> 
> I cannot imagine any sane person giving a wild answer unless they just use the thread to go off on a fat chick rant.


She asked for peoples thoughts on body issues... Not on an analysis on her... My answer was not specific to her body.. and at size 8 jeans I would be very happy with her.

BUT, if her boyfriend is 5% body fat and muscled like thor then he will have different desires. That is all I am saying


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Steve2.0 said:


> She asked for peoples thoughts on body issues... Not on an analysis on her... My answer was not specific to her body.. and at size 8 jeans I would be very happy with her.
> 
> BUT, *if her boyfriend is 5% body fat and muscled like thor then he will have different desires.* That is all I am saying


True. However, the bolded is an irrational preference. And I think it is important to point that out. And sadly, some men and women have irrational preferences. And no, wanting a healthy partner is NOT irrational. However, anyone who actually understands health knows that 5% body fat would make a woman very UNhealthy.

Sometimes in our efforts to be "fair" we rubber stamp stupid things. Like this guy. Or like the 365 pound woman who thinks she should be entitled to Hugh Jackman.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

If your doctor says you're healthy, then that counts to address your husbands assuming he was being honest with his health concerns. It's great you have a good body image too. But, to be realistic while a size 8 may be within the realm of healthy but it is not considered physically fit and isn't attractive to some people. Your husband might also be trapped in that no win situation where he is losing attraction for your physically because of your weight gain but wants to approach it gently to not offend you. I'm not saying that his perspective is right, but it isn't unusual and is something you should be aware of. If you don't exercise regularly (you didn't mention any exercise in your post), I'd recommend you start a fitness program.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Saige said:


> This is a body image thing that has been a factor in my marriage for a long time. I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with or has experienced something similar and what have your responses to it been?
> 
> So, I have a healthy body image. I'm healthy, my doc says so, my size 8 jeans say so... etc. I'm comfortable in my skin, like my body, eat healthy, have a personal sense of style, etc. *I'm 20 lbs heavier then when I met my husband in my 20's*, but I was pretty darn waif-like back then... and, hey, I'm a mom of three.
> 
> ...


Whether or not you and your Dr. are happy with your 20 lb heavier post-pregnancy body, it sounds like your husband prefers your smaller body. He was initially attracted to you when you were "waif-like" as you called yourself.

I think he was trying to find a way to tell you his preference.

When someone has a tiny frame to begin with, 20 lbs can really show when the clothes are off. A larger framed/height person, like my husband can put on 20 lbs and it is hardly noticed.

I'm not saying you are fat, because 20 lbs on a small boned person doesn't make them fat. But I bet you carry that extra 20 lbs in places that make you look chubbier than 20 lbs would make a taller, larger boned woman.

If your husband is not rejecting you or harassing you about your weight, then I can't fault him. At least he is hinting to you what he prefers. You know your body can handle less weight, since you used to be smaller. Hopefully his attraction for you is more than visual, and he will adjust to the new you.

Don't bash him for being consistent. He hasn't said he'd divorce you if you don't lose weight. He hasn't started an affair with a thinner woman. He wants his wife to be attractive to him.

It is not fair to expect his preferences to change, just because you don't care about your weight anymore because you think that childbearing gives you a special right to permanently become a larger woman. I know plenty of women who lose baby weight. I have a couple of friends who have 5+ children and are skinny. I also have friends who had 3 children and are twice the size they were before they had children.

It is between you and your husband, how much weight you want to keep on after having children. Men will weigh in here about their attraction for their wives after they gain weight.

Gain knowledge and understanding, and don't sabotage your marriage unnecessarily just out of stubbornness, if you don't actually love being 20 lbs heavier.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

....A mother of 3. Nothing else needs to be said. lol


My wife added on to size after my second child. And she has a very poor body image. I think that is the reason for the ego kibbles lapped up being given by one of her work mates that almost ended us..

She was fast approaching the big 4-0. And she has the ubiquitous "mother stomach" which she calls her "pouch". She hates it. Here's the kicker...I love it. Seriously. That stomach held my two little gems 9 months a piece and gave me the family which I wanted. And I think THAT is sexy as hell.

I train at the gym 3 times a week and had to modify my diet as I get older. I'm strong like a brick Sh*t house, but yeah...Battle with the waistline like everyone else. My wife gyms more with Zumba, Fit challenge, p90x classes. Which is great. But she still has the hangup on body image and that I will eventually leave her for a younger tighter "HOT BOD". Which is NOT TRUE. If I ended up leaving her, it was because the vows were no longer intact. I still find my wife incredibly sexy and try to give her affirmations everyday. 

Sounds like OP's hubby needs some better skills at re-affirming his love for his wife and showing some class while he is at it....


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

You know the saying "his side, her side and the truth?" I think it's true with body image and relationships as well.

Like, your may think a size 8 is fat. You might think a size 8 is doing pretty good. The truth is medically it sounds like you are healthy.

The biggest thing is what will make you feel the best overall. Me, I lean on the "it's my body, I feel happy with it and you can suck it if ya don't like it" side of the spectrum - frankly I place my own esteem over my husband's preference. Some others feel like the marriage is the overall priority and it makes them happier to try to please their significant other and consider it a loving action to stay within their spouses' preference. So it's up to you. I don't think your husband is unreasonable - 20 pounds is easy to shed with dedication. I don't think you are unreasonable - 20 pounds is not that big of a deal to gain. 

The other side is dealing with any consequences down the line. I embrace the "suck its," fully knowing that if my husbands and my perspective don't line up he may one day consider it a divorceable offense but I'd be okay with that as my own priorities and ideals wouldn't have been tarnished. If that truely isn't the way you see yourself, you might feel worse about getting divorced over something that is in your hands.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Saige said:


> This is a body image thing that has been a factor in my marriage for a long time. I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with or has experienced something similar and what have your responses to it been?
> 
> So, I have a healthy body image. I'm healthy, my doc says so, my size 8 jeans say so... etc. I'm comfortable in my skin, like my body, eat healthy, have a personal sense of style, etc. I'm 20 lbs heavier then when I met my husband in my 20's, but I was pretty darn waif-like back then... and, hey, I'm a mom of three.
> 
> ...


Most definitely, but kind of with a twist. My personal body image is fine, and external to my marriage it is better than fine as I regularly receive validation, that honestly I don't care about. Within my marriage though, this was a pretty big issue as my wife through her words and actions has effectively trashed it to the point where I don't care any more.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Everyone has their own perception about these things. 

Size 8, while normal, is pretty big on me because I don't carry weight well. I have a small frame and my face puffs up. 

I'm a 2 now and by no means waifish. I'm 5'4 and still 125, but have very thick muscles.  People typically guess me to be closer to 105..... my body fat is probably around 17%. 

So I don't know how size 8 really looks on you.

But I do know that you have to do you, so if you're reasonably healthy and make reasonable efforts to be fit you're fine. 

Make yourself happy.

Anyone who regularly spends 3-4 hours at the gym doesn't have very good work life balance anyway.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I've always had trouble with my own body image and my husband is luckily extremely kind about reminding me of what is and isn't actually reasonable to worry about. 

Technically speaking, I'm considered "overweight" for my height because I am petite but have a hourglass figure, and this is something that I've gotten hung up on despite the fact that the extra weight I carry is muscle. What I personally hate about the entire BMI system, is that it is used purely based on numbers that have no context. For example, at 5'2 I should be in the 120 lbs range for "normal" but I'm in the 140 range. I am a dancer and work out regularly including lifting weights. I also carry my weight specifically in my breasts and hips (38 hips, 27 waist, 38 bust with a 32 rib-cage), and after having two kids (only a two-inch difference from my pre-pregnancy 125 lb body), the placement of my fat and muscle has become more visibly prominent. And yet I'm still considered, by medical definition, borderline obese. 

My point is, there really is no definitive "one standard fits all" when it comes to body image and unless a doctor (having taken everything about your lifestyle, genetics, etc into account) specifically says your body is putting excess stress on your health, it's really no one's business. Every culture, society, and individual will have a different idea of what is right and what is wrong, and at the end of the day it should be about what makes you feel healthy and good about yourself.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

If you actually have a healthy body image of yourself, then what he said would not have led you to "make him" do anything. Sometimes trouble starts quietly.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Saige said:


> This is a body image thing that has been a factor in my marriage for a long time. I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with or has experienced something similar and what have your responses to it been?
> 
> So, I have a healthy body image. I'm healthy, my doc says so, my size 8 jeans say so... etc. I'm comfortable in my skin, like my body, eat healthy, have a personal sense of style, etc. I'm 20 lbs heavier then when I met my husband in my 20's, but I was pretty darn waif-like back then... and, hey, I'm a mom of three.
> 
> ...


Then I would try to address it w/o being insulted and just say stuff like "We're not unhealthy, look it up, talk to you Dr., get a grip".

I think some posters are taking this as the more familiar/fun-to-respond to scenario of "I didn't give you permission to get fat".


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

@Saige

Unfortunately I know exactly what you are talking about.

Mrs. Conan is 5' even, 115lbs. and wears size 2 pants. She is in good shape and still gets flirted with and hit on with regularity despite being 58.

Regardless, she hates that she isn't as fit as she was a few years ago,(she was in phenomenal athletic form) and gets depressed as well as sharp tempered over it at times.

I actually wish she would start gaining muscle weight, especially in her rump! I am a leg and butt man though so I am biased.

I think she looks great and just wish she would smile and be confident more.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Most definitely, but kind of with a twist. My personal body image is fine, and external to my marriage it is better than fine as I regularly receive validation, that honestly I don't care about. Within my marriage though, this was a pretty big issue as my wife through her words and actions has effectively trashed it to the point where I don't care any more.


Yeah, this is me ... I didn't have any issues with body image until I got married. I lost 195lbs of husband and am fine again now .

I agree that the OP's gym time is excessive, only competitive body-builders or perhaps pro athletes need that much time in the gym. I hit the weights _hard_ however I complete my workouts in 1.5 hours (including warm-up).


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

As I get older I like my women curvyer. Lol is that even a word?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

When you are looking at average weights to see where you fit in, you have to realize those averages keep going up as obesity has gone up. If you take out all the obese people and do another average without the whales factored in, you will find a much different result. 

Not saying an 8 is bad, but an 8 on a 5'2" woman would be bad imo. Of course if you're averaging in all the 16s and 0s in the 5'2" height, you will think that your average of 8 is good. Take out all the obese people, and the average goes down to a 4 or 5. Just saying.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

,


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> Yeah, this is me ... I didn't have any issues with body image until I got married. I lost 195lbs of husband and am fine again now .
> 
> ).


:laugh::smthumbup:

This just made my night!

Thanks for the laugh you formerly overweight (by 195 lbs.) woman you!:wink2:


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> Yeah. You are fine. He needs to get a clue. Period. I don't even need to know how tall you are, percent body fat, etc.
> 
> Only an idiot would think you are obese. *He needs to knock it off.*
> 
> God, I hope this doesn't turn into a "women get fat and let themselves go" thread. Because you haven't.





personofinterest said:


> Per her original post, she wears a size 8. *Not obese*, not 30% body fat. SHE is healthy according to her jeans and her doctor.
> 
> I cannot imagine any sane person giving a wild answer unless they just use the thread to go off on a fat chick rant.


:wink2:He has knocked it off.... after he read up a bit, he did apologize and say he realized that neither of us are actually obese.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Steve2.0 said:


> You are going to get some wildly different answers. I like my women squishy but there is a fine line between squishy and "too many folds on that body"
> 
> Someone who is a couch potato with 30% body fat will think your body is super sexy but someone walking around with 5% body fat might think you are not fit enough. Some people like red heads, some brunettes.... some are ass people and some are breasts.
> 
> If you try to please everyone, or fit into some standard bucket you will fail. I'd rather be with a women that is super confident in her body (regardless of body fat%) instead of a super model who is worried about her body and wants 'the lights off'





Steve2.0 said:


> She asked for peoples thoughts on body issues... Not on an analysis on her... My answer was not specific to her body.. and at size 8 jeans I would be very happy with her.
> 
> BUT, if her boyfriend is 5% body fat and muscled like thor then he will have different desires. That is all I am saying


I understood you! And totally agree with you. His perception definitely leans towards body sculpting...


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

stillfightingforus said:


> You are fine. I would have no issues with him taking extreme views and measures of his own body, it's what 'drives' him but once he starts bringing it into your arena and your not unhealthy or obese, he needs to check himself before he wrecks himself


Yes... he is a competitive athlete, strength training though for himself, he doesn't care what his own body looks like, just that he's strong. 

The funny thing is that if we talked straight percentages, we've both gained a bit of bulk with age. In relation to each other, probably pretty equal.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

My IMHO, hubby needs to spend less time at the gym, and more time with the kids. How does he get any time with wife & kids when he is at gym. Life goes by very fast, even if he's super buff, the grim reaper will show up one day. (it was the salmon mousse)!

Dating myself with that line!


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Bananapeel said:


> If your doctor says you're healthy, then that counts to address your husbands assuming he was being honest with his health concerns. It's great you have a good body image too. But, to be realistic while a size 8 may be within the realm of healthy but it is not considered physically fit and isn't attractive to some people. Your husband might also be trapped in that no win situation where he is losing attraction for your physically because of your weight gain but wants to approach it gently to not offend you. I'm not saying that his perspective is right, but it isn't unusual and is something you should be aware of. If you don't exercise regularly (you didn't mention any exercise in your post), I'd recommend you start a fitness program.


Soo. It's been asked a few times, so... stats. I'm 5'4" - 135 lbs. Not thin, not thick, firmly in average. He would LOVE it if I were 20 lbs lighter. And, I actually was a few years ago. It takes a lot for me to maintain a weight of 115 in my 40's. 800 calorie diet and daily workouts. I did if for a year straight and hated the result, especially at the cost of being able to eat naturally. I prefer a little more weight on me, one issue is my 3rd pregnancy created a diastasis recti, separation of the abdominal muscle. When I am too thin, it is VERY visible. At this weight, I still have a flat tummy but the muscle split doesn't show. For me perfect. 

Now.. also... it really isn't an attraction issue between us. Yes, I understand if I was mega fit, he'd love it, but he is still attracted, and we have a good sex life.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Araucaria said:


> Whether or not you and your Dr. are happy with your 20 lb heavier post-pregnancy body, it sounds like your husband prefers your smaller body. He was initially attracted to you when you were "waif-like" as you called yourself.
> 
> I think he was trying to find a way to tell you his preference.
> 
> ...


Ha. So.. I agree with a lot of what you say, I didn't expect his preference to change. I think it's more about perception. He called himself obese also. He's not. (200 lbs, 6'3" - wears a 33"x36" pant) He called me obese. I'm not. I'm not sabotaging, I'm very onboard with being healthy and a healthy lifestyle. I think his judgement is a little skewed.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> ....A mother of 3. Nothing else needs to be said. lol
> 
> 
> My wife added on to size after my second child. And she has a very poor body image. I think that is the reason for the ego kibbles lapped up being given by one of her work mates that almost ended us..
> ...


I know my guy finds me attractive... and he has a habit of being a bit rough around the edges, it's fine. I don't mind it. These posts have seemed to turn to questions about wether or not my husband is looking elsewhere for a younger, skinnier, better.... I'm not worried about that. His girlfriend before me was 20 years older then me. lol.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> You know the saying "his side, her side and the truth?" I think it's true with body image and relationships as well.
> 
> Like, your may think a size 8 is fat. You might think a size 8 is doing pretty good. The truth is medically it sounds like you are healthy.
> 
> ...


I agree... we all need to know what is best for ourselves. 

Again... it's really not about 20 lbs. It's about an extreme view of what those 20 lbs are. 

Divorce over 20 lbs is not on the table for us.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> Most definitely, but kind of with a twist. My personal body image is fine, and external to my marriage it is better than fine as I regularly receive validation, that honestly I don't care about. Within my marriage though, this was a pretty big issue as my wife through her words and actions has effectively trashed it to the point where I don't care any more.


AH! That's tough, isn't it! Do you feel like her expectations are also out of sync with the norm or natural for you? Is she expecting you to be wildly different than you are?


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Everyone has their own perception about these things.
> 
> Size 8, while normal, is pretty big on me because I don't carry weight well. I have a small frame and my face puffs up.
> 
> ...


He's in training right now, working towards a long term goal. Plus, it is part of his social routine. A solid hour of his time at the gym is bs-ing with friends.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

ButWeAreStrange said:


> I've always had trouble with my own body image and my husband is luckily extremely kind about reminding me of what is and isn't actually reasonable to worry about.
> 
> Technically speaking, I'm considered "overweight" for my height because I am petite but have a hourglass figure, and this is something that I've gotten hung up on despite the fact that the extra weight I carry is muscle. What I personally hate about the entire BMI system, is that it is used purely based on numbers that have no context. For example, at 5'2 I should be in the 120 lbs range for "normal" but I'm in the 140 range. I am a dancer and work out regularly including lifting weights. I also carry my weight specifically in my breasts and hips (38 hips, 27 waist, 38 bust with a 32 rib-cage), and after having two kids (only a two-inch difference from my pre-pregnancy 125 lb body), the placement of my fat and muscle has become more visibly prominent. And yet I'm still considered, by medical definition, borderline obese.
> 
> My point is, there really is no definitive "one standard fits all" when it comes to body image and unless a doctor (having taken everything about your lifestyle, genetics, etc into account) specifically says your body is putting excess stress on your health, it's really no one's business. Every culture, society, and individual will have a different idea of what is right and what is wrong, and at the end of the day it should be about what makes you feel healthy and good about yourself.


It's pretty crazy how differently weight can be carried, even on our own bodies. Definitely no one way to be fit & healthy. Your guy sounds like a sweetheart.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

DustyDog said:


> If you actually have a healthy body image of yourself, then what he said would not have led you to "make him" do anything. Sometimes trouble starts quietly.


What he said about BOTH of us. His sliding scale seemed a little... askew to me. And, when we looked it up, it was.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Red Sonja said:


> Yeah, this is me ... I didn't have any issues with body image until I got married. *I lost 195lbs of husband and am fine again now *.
> 
> I agree that the OP's gym time is excessive, only competitive body-builders or perhaps pro athletes need that much time in the gym. I hit the weights _hard_ however I complete my workouts in 1.5 hours (including warm-up).


:rofl:

It is a bit excessive, but he's passionate about it and working towards a goal. So, hey.. all the more power to him.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> When you are looking at average weights to see where you fit in, you have to realize those averages keep going up as obesity has gone up. If you take out all the obese people and do another average without the whales factored in, you will find a much different result.
> 
> Not saying an 8 is bad, but an 8 on a 5'2" woman would be bad imo. Of course if you're averaging in all the 16s and 0s in the 5'2" height, you will think that your average of 8 is good. Take out all the obese people, and the average goes down to a 4 or 5. Just saying.





notmyrealname4 said:


> A size 8 is approximately 36"- 28-1/2" - 38-1/2"
> 
> That's usually pretty thin; unless you're like 4'10" or something like that??
> 
> How tall are you OP?


I said it earlier... but, 5'4, 135 lbs.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> My IMHO, hubby needs to spend less time at the gym, and more time with the kids. How does he get any time with wife & kids when he is at gym. Life goes by very fast, even if he's super buff, the grim reaper will show up one day. (it was the salmon mousse)!
> 
> Dating myself with that line!


Gah... I'm horrible with movie quotes, what' it from?

Sooooo... I'm really OK with it. Actually, at this point I'm happy about his gym time. A good hobby for him. We are a military family, and he about to start position in another state! I'd much rather him spend his free time away from the family in the gym instead of the bars.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Saige said:


> Gah... I'm horrible with movie quotes, what' it from?
> 
> Sooooo... I'm really OK with it. Actually, at this point I'm happy about his gym time. A good hobby for him. We are a military family, and he about to start position in another state! I'd much rather him spend his free time away from the family in the gym instead of the bars.


Monty Python - The Meaning of Life. 




Well, I guess if he will be away from home anyway, the gym would be much better than a bar.

I was assuming you were all together. 

my bad


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> Monty Python - The Meaning of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMBsZC-FJNE
> 
> Well, I guess if he will be away from home anyway, the gym would be much better than a bar.
> 
> ...


Ha! Ok, I haven't watched Meaning of Life in decades! 

We are together now, he's heading out soon. And, we've lived apart a bunch, so it's usually his hardcore hobby when we are in different places.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

5'4" 135. Ideal weight chart shows 108-132. I would shoot for a goal of 125lbs and drop 10 if I were in your shoes. Not saying you should be ashamed or anything. However based on you being 115 for a long time before kids, I would have to guess you have a small frame. So 135 is a little over the small frame 5'4" female "ideal weights" on most charts. But just barely. If you are comfortable with yourself, that is all that matters in the end. However it is not like it would be unhealthy if you cut 5-10 pounds. You can do that easy with a simple diet change and the same exercise you already do.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sixe 8(which I think is size 12 here in the UK) is slim and way below average. I think that sadly you have married a fitness obsessive who also seems to have very distorted ideas of sizes and weights, sort of like an anorexic would have.
As you say you knew what he was like before and you still married him. His saying that you are obese is madness and worrying and clearly completely skewed. 
Personally I wouldn't marry a man with such distorted ideas of weight and fitness and who felt he had to spend 3 hours at the gym. Self obsessed men are a total turn off for me.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> 5'4" 135. Ideal weight chart shows 108-132. I would shoot for a goal of 125lbs and drop 10 if I were in your shoes. Not saying you should be ashamed or anything. However based on you being 115 for a long time before kids, I would have to guess you have a small frame. So 135 is a little over the small frame 5'4" female "ideal weights" on most charts. But just barely. If you are comfortable with yourself, that is all that matters in the end. However it is not like it would be unhealthy if you cut 5-10 pounds. You can do that easy with a simple diet change and the same exercise you already do.


I am comfortable...  We can't do much with diet, we already do low sugar, high good fats, few carbs, little meat, mostly vegetarian, sometimes raw, avoid processed foods, no soda, etc. Just moving into summer I'll drop a few lbs naturally. I could work out more... but I won't. I have other priorities that are more important to me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Saige said:


> I am comfortable...  We can't do much with diet, we already do low sugar, high good fats, few carbs, little meat, mostly vegetarian, sometimes raw, avoid processed foods, no soda, etc. Just moving into summer I'll drop a few lbs naturally. I could work out more... but I won't. I have other priorities that are more important to me.


Good for you, you dont need to bow to his unrealistic obsessive ideas of size. When you have children they must come before spending hours in the gym. 

My husbands former wife was almost anorexic, obsessive about her weight and exercising. This had rubbed off on him to some extent, and I am happy now that he has got over that and is very relaxed about such things. We both exercise in moderation, walk the dog daily, go on the rowing machine, he cycles a couple of times a week etc, but he isn't bothered about my weight, he loves me as I am and I him.
His ex looks so much older that she is, her stick thinness has made her face so wrinkly. Its not healthy to be ultra thin, I used to be underweight and its as dangerous as being slightly over weight. 

You are slim so don't let it bother you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

5'4" and 135 sounds pretty damn good!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> 5'4" and 135 sounds pretty damn good!


That's because it is. It's just a fitness chip on some people's shoulder. Thank God my very fit and hot husband loves me the way I am. Of course, I wouldn't have married him if he didn't.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Saige said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > 5'4" 135. Ideal weight chart shows 108-132. I would shoot for a goal of 125lbs and drop 10 if I were in your shoes. Not saying you should be ashamed or anything. However based on you being 115 for a long time before kids, I would have to guess you have a small frame. So 135 is a little over the small frame 5'4" female "ideal weights" on most charts. But just barely. If you are comfortable with yourself, that is all that matters in the end. However it is not like it would be unhealthy if you cut 5-10 pounds. You can do that easy with a simple diet change and the same exercise you already do.
> ...


Sure you can. Its called intermittent fasting. You will cut weight way quicker than anything else will do for you without any change to your daily routine otherwise. Again, I'm not saying you should be ashamed of your body. But if you want to cut 5-10lbs without it cutting into time with your kids or anything else for that matter, you should look into intermittent fasting as a great way to achieve your goal with little effort required. 

In terms of your overall health short and long term, sleep is the most overlooked thing that plays a huge role. You can be a gym rat and health food/diet nut, but if you are running on 5 hours of sleep every day, you can expect health issues regardless. Make sure you're sleeping well!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

@Saige

Guess what, as much as your husband may be a gym rat, he too someday will be a bit off his game. This is not to say he won’t be healthy, but his own body image will be in for a huge surprise.

I’m 57, workout at least 5 - 6 times a week. I make every attempt to be conscientious about what I eat. My annual physical shows well for all the hard work but the mirror is probably not as kind to someone my age. But, that is ok, I feel better than I did 10 years ago and I have the energy of a 30 year old, except after 10pm.  

Putting on my health advocate hat. There is some validity that Americans have a distorted view on what truly is healthy (I don’t think you, OP, fit into that category). We do eat too much (and too much of the wrong foods). We don’t exercise enough (our hunter/gatherer ancestors averaged 8 miles a day trekking through challenging landscapes). And, we just think everything has to be overly sanitized - Too satiated, too sedentary and too sanitary. It is hard and sometimes expensive to maintain health and that should be the goal, not necessarily aesthetics. There are examples of those who are deemed skinny fat. This can be just as dangerous to some extent as the obese individuals. 

When asked should I do more weightlifting to build muscle or more cardio to build stamina? The answer is yes. Or, “I can eat or drink that I will just burn it off later in the gym”. Reply, “no you can’t”, that is you cannot out exercise a bad diet. 

Having said all this, I would acknowledge that your husband has a valid point, but he also needs to understand that underlying benchmarks for health outweigh any appearances of health. 

I know that heart disease runs in my family, so the benchmarks of blood lipids, blood pressure and such are just if not more important than my appearance. He should celebrate your benchmarks in your physical not just what he sees. 

I still have things I need to work on to get better, bring my bp down a bit. But, that over my appearance is my goal in working out and eating properly (and trying to get enough sleep - I struggle on that one a lot). 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Sure you can. Its called intermittent fasting. You will cut weight way quicker than anything else will do for you without any change to your daily routine otherwise. Again, I'm not saying you should be ashamed of your body. But if you want to cut 5-10lbs without it cutting into time with your kids or anything else for that matter, you should look into intermittent fasting as a great way to achieve your goal with little effort required.
> 
> In terms of your overall health short and long term, sleep is the most overlooked thing that plays a huge role. You can be a gym rat and health food/diet nut, but if you are running on 5 hours of sleep every day, you can expect health issues regardless. Make sure you're sleeping well!


You have a very tenacious side, don't you! :laugh:

I already prep and feed my husband a ketogenic diet, he does a 6/18 eating/fasting cycle. 

I like food, and I like eating with my kids. Thanks though.... it's good to keep in mind if I want to fit into a super special occasion attire, or look extra smokin' at the next class reunion.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Ikaika said:


> @Saige
> 
> Guess what, as much as your husband may be a gym rat, he too someday will be a bit off his game. This is not to say he won’t be healthy, but his own body image will be in for a huge surprise.
> 
> ...


Only a few very remarkable people 'can't do more' to be healthier. There is always somewhere to improve. 

See, I don't think him saying 'obese' is valid. If we were truly talking about real health issues it would be a different conversation, my last physical ( a few months ago) was all good, not a single issue. If the conversation was, 'you could be thinner, healthier, etc" Sure, valid. 

Sleep is a tough one to do! That's is an area so many of us can improve on!


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Sixe 8(which I think is size 12 here in the UK) is slim and way below average. I think that sadly you have married a fitness obsessive who also seems to have *very distorted ideas of sizes and weights, *sort of like an anorexic would have.
> As you say you knew what he was like before and you still married him. His saying that you are obese is madness and worrying and clearly completely skewed.
> Personally I wouldn't marry a man with such distorted ideas of weight and fitness and who felt he had to spend 3 hours at the gym. Self obsessed men are a total turn off for me.


This was exactly the idea behind the original post. 

I hear you about choosing a partner. 20/20 in hindsight, right!


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

https://youtu.be/pwaWilO_Pig

Watch that one with your husband. Paints a good picture in the importance of good sleep and your health. It is hard to get good sleep, but it is one of this best things you can do for your health.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Sure you can. Its called intermittent fasting. You will cut weight way quicker than anything else will do for you without any change to your daily routine otherwise. Again, I'm not saying you should be ashamed of your body. But if you want to cut 5-10lbs without it cutting into time with your kids or anything else for that matter, you should look into intermittent fasting as a great way to achieve your goal with little effort required.
> 
> In terms of your overall health short and long term, sleep is the most overlooked thing that plays a huge role. You can be a gym rat and health food/diet nut, but if you are running on 5 hours of sleep every day, you can expect health issues regardless. Make sure you're sleeping well!


Here's the deal. The OP says she has a healthy body image. She also has her doctor's assurance she is healthy. She doesn't HAVE to lose 10 pounds. And she doesn't seem to want to. And there is NOTHING wrong with it.

And yeah, being THIS fixated on what a size 8 we've never met before ought to be doing is kinda weird.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > Sure you can. Its called intermittent fasting. You will cut weight way quicker than anything else will do for you without any change to your daily routine otherwise. Again, I'm not saying you should be ashamed of your body. But if you want to cut 5-10lbs without it cutting into time with your kids or anything else for that matter, you should look into intermittent fasting as a great way to achieve your goal with little effort required.
> ...


Lol. I don't think you really read my posts too well did you?


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

The fact that he spends 3-4 hours in the gym, with one of these hours BSing with the guys and then you are preparing him meals? He needs to get his sorry a$$ home. You have 3 kids? Why is he at the gym for so long and not spending this time with them or you or making his own meals? 
He gets one hour and he makes his own meals and he shuts the hell up about your size.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Saige said:


> AH! That's tough, isn't it! Do you feel like her expectations are also out of sync with the norm or natural for you? Is she expecting you to be wildly different than you are?


When asked point blank, she of course tells me how attractive she finds me. The thing is, that is the only time she does. If I didn't ask, she wouldn't say a word. Yet she has no problems graphically vocalizing how attractive and hot she finds other men. We have discussed this behaviour and how it makes me feel numerous times, and it just doesn't change at all. It's not worth divorcing over at this point for me, but it has dampened my desire to be sexual with her.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Saige said:


> Ha. So.. I agree with a lot of what you say, I didn't expect his preference to change. I think it's more about perception. He called himself obese also. He's not. (200 lbs, 6'3" - wears a 33"x36" pant) He called me obese. I'm not. I'm not sabotaging, I'm very onboard with being healthy and a healthy lifestyle. I think his judgement is a little skewed.


I'm 6'4 and 205 lbs wearing the same paints... He thinks we are obese? I think he has some mental issues... Im not sure what its called but its similar to those skinny girls who think they are fat... body image issues due to media maybe? Maybe he has too many super-models in his gym he is envying all day long?

Anywhere I go with people in my age group there is typically a 95% chance I am the fittest person in the room... For him to think its obese... yikes


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Saige, I like your attitude. 

If you're happy everyone else can sit 'n spin.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> When asked point blank, she of course tells me how attractive she finds me. The thing is, that is the only time she does. If I didn't ask, she wouldn't say a word. Yet she has no problems graphically vocalizing how attractive and hot she finds other men. We have discussed this behaviour and how it makes me feel numerous times, and it just doesn't change at all. It's not worth divorcing over at this point for me, but it has dampened my desire to be sexual with her.


Sam, that sucks that she still can't seem to understand this.

Has she noticed that your sexual desire for her has dampened?


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

It's all brand and shape dependent.

Ex-wife was 5'4" and 110, wore size 8-10. Current GF is 5"8" and 155 and wears 6-8. The hips make the difference more than height and weight.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Lol. I don't think you really read my posts too well did you?


Thread jack.

How did you get that quote within a quote on post 53? I've been here a long time and still haven't figured that one out!

end threadjack.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> When asked point blank, she of course tells me how attractive she finds me. The thing is, that is the only time she does. If I didn't ask, she wouldn't say a word. Yet she has no problems graphically vocalizing how attractive and hot she finds other men. We have discussed this behaviour and how it makes me feel numerous times, and it just doesn't change at all. It's not worth divorcing over at this point for me, but it has dampened my desire to be sexual with her.


:frown2:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> Saige, I like your attitude.
> 
> If you're happy everyone else can sit 'n spin.


This


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

DustyDog said:


> It's all brand and shape dependent.
> 
> Ex-wife was 5'4" and 110, wore size 8-10. Current GF is 5"8" and 155 and wears 6-8. *The hips make the difference *more than height and weight.


Or, the bust size ... I have to get custom-made blouses or size up and have the rest tailored down.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

,


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Sam, that sucks that she still can't seem to understand this.
> 
> Has she noticed that your sexual desire for her has dampened?


She has noticed. I have told her point blank the effects her behaviour has had, and it hasn't make any significant difference. In fairness, she has cut back on her verbal gushing over other men, though she still just can't quite bring herself to articulate any thoughts about me.

The biggest impact is that it has led to her being rejected sexually at times. From my side its on those days where I'm not feeling overly in the mood, and she wants to, rather than falling on the side of having sex anyway knowing it'll still be really good sex once it gets going, I'm falling on the meh, maybe some other time because it's just become mentally exhausting getting mentally past her behaviour.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> That's also a 4" difference in height. Supposedly, for women, each inch in height over 5'0" is 5lb more in weight.
> 
> And muscle weighs much more than flab. Is your current gf. more muscular and toned than your ex?


Opposite. Ex was a competitive swimmer, the most ripped and lean of any woman I've been with. Current GF is more all-American sit-and-watch TV type. Her narrow hips give her a very lean appearance even with extra weight, and her abundant topside reduces the visual impact of any padding in the stomach.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

,


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

samyeagar said:


> She has noticed. I have told her point blank the effects her behaviour has had, and it hasn't make any significant difference. In fairness, she has cut back on her verbal gushing over other men, though she still just can't quite bring herself to articulate any thoughts about me.
> 
> The biggest impact is that it has led to her being rejected sexually at times. From my side its on those days where I'm not feeling overly in the mood, and she wants to, rather than falling on the side of having sex anyway knowing it'll still be really good sex once it gets going, I'm falling on the meh, maybe some other time because it's just become mentally exhausting getting mentally past her behaviour.


Are you saying the wife likes walking around and finding "hot guys" to point out to you? Or is it more of a off handed remark made once in awhile? Like, how often during say, one week does she overtly come out and say..."oohhh, that guy is hot!"

And you are totally right into not being turned on. It's like is she even thinking about you when she gets ready for sex? disturbing...I'm sorry.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Saige said:


> This is a body image thing that has been a factor in my marriage for a long time. I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with or has experienced something similar and what have your responses to it been?
> 
> So, I have a healthy body image. I'm healthy, my doc says so, my size 8 jeans say so... etc. I'm comfortable in my skin, like my body, eat healthy, have a personal sense of style, etc. I'm 20 lbs heavier then when I met my husband in my 20's, but I was pretty darn waif-like back then... and, hey, I'm a mom of three.
> 
> ...


*You are absolutely fine and don't think for a single, solitary second that you are not! This envisionment is solely within his own "perfectionist mind!"

You should always be loved and embraced for the woman who you truly are!*


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> Or, the bust size ... I have to get custom-made blouses or size up and have the rest tailored down.


The females in our family have a similar problem, but we can't go a size up because the shoulders are too wide and the under arms sag down. The cost to tailor all that on a shirt doesn't make sense. So we just stock up in every color when we find something that fits.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Steve2.0 said:


> I'm 6'4 and 205 lbs wearing the same paints... He thinks we are obese? I think he has some mental issues... Im not sure what its called but its similar to those skinny girls who think they are fat... body image issues due to media maybe? Maybe he has too many super-models in his gym he is envying all day long?
> 
> Anywhere I go with people in my age group there is typically a 95% chance I am the fittest person in the room... For him to think its obese... yikes


Dude. You skinny. I'm 5'10" 195.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

katies said:


> The fact that he spends 3-4 hours in the gym, with one of these hours BSing with the guys and then you are preparing him meals? He needs to get his sorry a$$ home. You have 3 kids? Why is he at the gym for so long and not spending this time with them or you or making his own meals?
> He gets one hour and he makes his own meals and he shuts the hell up about your size.


Sorry for the delay in responding.... life got busy.. 

:x I think I love you. lol. 

Seriously... Oh my. I hear you, and another version of me agrees with you wholeheartedly. I mourned the loss of what kind of marriage I thought I could have with him, all these things included, many, many years ago. Now, I accept him as he is ..... which is sometimes kind of an ass.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> When asked point blank, she of course tells me how attractive she finds me. The thing is, that is the only time she does. If I didn't ask, she wouldn't say a word. *Yet she has no problems graphically vocalizing how attractive and hot she finds other men. * We have discussed this behaviour and how it makes me feel numerous times, and i*t just doesn't change at all*. It's not worth divorcing over at this point for me, but it has dampened my desire to be sexual with her.





samyeagar said:


> She has noticed. I have told her point blank the effects her behaviour has had, and it hasn't make any significant difference. In fairness, she has cut back on her verbal gushing over other men, though she still just *can't quite bring herself to articulate any thoughts about me.*
> 
> The *biggest impact is that it has led to her being rejected sexually at times*. From my side its on those days where I'm not feeling overly in the mood, and she wants to, rather than falling on the side of having sex anyway knowing it'll still be really good sex once it gets going, I'm falling on the meh, maybe some other time *because it's just become mentally exhausting getting mentally past her behaviour*.


Gah.... Oh my... I hear you. Validation from you spouse is so wonderful. It hurts when it isn't there. I understand what you mean about it becoming exhausting. You can have a great attitude, or feel good about yourself, but when your other dings that over and over, it is hard to ignore. Hearing about other people's physical attractiveness is really hard when the balance is out of whack in your own relationship. You start to question yourself sometimes, right!? I'm glad to hear she's cut back a bit, hopefully a move better behavior on her part.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Steve2.0 said:


> I'm 6'4 and 205 lbs wearing the same paints... He thinks we are obese? I think he has some mental issues... Im not sure what its called but its similar to those skinny girls who think they are fat... body image issues due to media maybe? Maybe he has too many super-models in his gym he is envying all day long?
> 
> Anywhere I go with people in my age group there is typically a 95% chance I am the fittest person in the room... *For him to think its obese... yikes*


Exactly this...


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Saige, I like your attitude.
> 
> If you're happy everyone else can sit 'n spin.


>:x


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

DustyDog said:


> *It's all brand and shape dependent.*
> 
> Ex-wife was 5'4" and 110, wore size 8-10. Current GF is 5"8" and 155 and wears 6-8. The hips make the difference more than height and weight.





DustyDog said:


> Opposite. Ex was a competitive swimmer, the most ripped and lean of any woman I've been with. Current GF is more all-American sit-and-watch TV type. Her narrow hips give her a very lean appearance even with extra weight, and her abundant topside reduces the visual impact of any padding in the stomach.


SO true!!!


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Red Sonja said:


> Or, the bust size ... I have to get custom-made blouses or size up and have the rest tailored down.


Right! I don't have a bust thing going on.... but an extreme in either direction is hard to buy clothing for!


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> Are you saying the wife likes walking around and finding "hot guys" to point out to you? Or is it more of a off handed remark made once in awhile? Like, how often during say, one week does she overtly come out and say..."oohhh, that guy is hot!"
> 
> And you are *totally right into not being turned on. * It's like is she even thinking about you when she gets ready for sex? disturbing...I'm sorry.


It really would be tough. :frown2:


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *You are absolutely fine and don't think for a single, solitary second that you are not! This envisionment is solely within his own "perfectionist mind!"
> 
> You should always be loved and embraced for the woman who you truly are!*


That sounds wonderfully optimistic and upbeat! 

I am definitely dealing with an idealist, yes, that's for sure.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Araucaria said:


> The females in our family have a similar problem, but we can't go a size up because the shoulders are too wide and the under arms sag down. The cost to tailor all that on a shirt doesn't make sense. So w*e just stock up in every color when we find something that fits*.


ha! I do this too!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

@Saige, just curious. Just a thought. 

You said that your H had been training a lot and he commented on your weight. If he's training at the gym, he could be eyeing a lot of skinny women around and starting to play the compare game. Maybe a possibility? 

I have a home gym because when I used to attend the gym, it was seriously eye candy central (for men and women... Barf). I couldn't make any progress because people were too busy showing off and passively flirting around me. This was before women-only gyms. 

If you get exposure to enough visual content, you'll start to internalize as the norm /expectation. Just look at what mainstream media has done over the years. It's (silly) human nature to want what we don't have if it's been drilled into our brains that it's desirable. 

You're a perfectly healthy woman after kids. Maybe your H needs a reality check.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Saige said:


> Right! I don't have a bust thing going on.... but an extreme in either direction is hard to buy clothing for!


A by-product of over-population. The only way to sustain excess population is for everything to become efficient, whether food production or clothing manufacturing. More efficient manufacturing always means lower variety, except in finish, such as color or fabric of manufacture.

Being other than average is a problem. Average Americans are now obese, including me. However, I work out, so I'm not shaped like the average obese American. By birth, i have a very flat butt. From running, I have strongly built thighs and calves. If I buy pants that fit my waist, they're baggy around the butt. I have been informed on good authority that women like men's butts, especially if smaller, and baggy pants convey an image of "shabby". So, I buy smaller stretch pants, that are tighter around my oversized waist than I'd like, but fit the butt....and are also rather tight down my muscular legs. So now I have a choice - be comfy or look good. I make the selection based on whether it's a day of work (comfy) or out on the town (look good enough to deserve being with my hot girlfriend)

Oh, and vanity sizing exists in men's clothing. To get pants that fit from CostCo, I buy pants with a 36 or 38 waist. From Eddie Bauer, I wear 30 or 32.

I'm not really extreme...I"m not an athlete, I'm a casual runner. But getting properly fitting pants is a challenge.

Shirts - no way at all. I have a thicker than average neck and shorter than average arms. Actually typical for a German, but there are no shirts available in the US off the rack that fit.

ddddddddawg


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Satya said:


> @Saige, just curious. Just a thought.
> 
> You said that your H had been training a lot and he commented on your weight. If he's training at the gym, he could be eyeing a lot of skinny women around and starting to play the compare game. Maybe a possibility?
> 
> ...


I can't stand gyms because of the smell. Not sweat. Whatever the heck floral scents it is that men in the locker rooms are using after the showers. My brain doesn't work in the presence of that much chemistry!!!!


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