# Need help getting back in sync



## AnonCanada (Aug 16, 2011)

Hello all. I'm not even sure how to start here. Me and my husband have gotten into a horrible routine. We both have average sex drives but don't have sex. Usually he wants sex in the morning and masturbates then, I always want sex at night and masturbate then. We both know it is happening and keep saying that we should really be working together rather than separate but things stay the same. We haven't had sex in.... not sure exactly but it's been months. This has been a progressively increasing problem for years though.

When we discuss it, we both realize that a) we do it because it's just easier but b) we both really want to change this pattern and have sex instead. 

We have 2 children, youngest is 4 so they are able to be independent and give us our time. We are not dealing with being up all night with babies or toddlers who won't let you out of their sight anymore. (When we were the situation seemed to make more sense so we didn't really do anything about it) and our jobs are not too demanding that they should get in the way of a healthy sex life. I really can't think of any outside factor that would prevent us from fixing this. 

We are both homebodies who don't go out unless it's with family. We both have access to each others phones, facebook, e-mails, etc so cheating isn't a issue. 

Any help?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Compromise and make a date for some afternoon loving. This weekend, put the kids down for a nap or in front of the TV and spend a half an hour in your room.

It will probably feel forced and awkward, but you have to power through it and just get it done. This is about breaking inertia.


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## AnonCanada (Aug 16, 2011)

I am very worried about that awkward feeling and that it is going to make us not want to keep up with any progress we might make. I think by this point we are so used to just having to worry about ourselves that we would have to re-teach each other what works.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Being worried is understandable. But it's that worry that has lead you to a sexless marriage. There is no way to avoid the awkwardness. You simply have to get past it.

The second time you have sex, in the same month, it will be less awkward. The third time, even less. And so on.

It's like an exercise program. The first day is awful. But, if you keep it up, it becomes second nature. The good news is that sex is easier than exercise.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi

sharing

How about set a time for having sex when you want it and then when he wants it. The key is to set the time and the desire will come. Put it on the calendar. You will be surprised that when you do-it happens. 
Start with nonsexual touch first. IT is crucial for both of you to be touching nonsexually all day. Women need touch and some men forget that. Or are not aware of that. Have you ask him? and vice versa? He may not realize that sex begins in the Kitchen as a title is stated. Why not try the suggestions above that I mention. They are known to work. 

Thoughts? 

Judith


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