# Sex toys opinions



## macrane06032011 (Dec 12, 2014)

My husband does not like sex toys and doesn't want me to ever own one or use one on myself. I've never used any sex toys ever but I am curious about them. I'm not fond of the idea of using dildos because I don't feel like that is a real depiction of what a penis should feel like.

So my question: Does it bother you if your spouse or partner uses sex toys or wants to? Why or why not? What should I do with the situation with my spouse not wanting to even try?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening macrane06030...
My wife and I have sex toys. We use them together, and she is welcome to use them herself. (she says she doesn't, but I think the does)

I think it adds variety and I certainly don't feel threatened by a piece of plastic.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening macrane06030...
> My wife and I have sex toys. We use them together, and she is welcome to use them herself. (she says she doesn't, but I think the does)
> 
> I think it adds variety and I certainly don't feel threatened by a piece of plastic.


Hah, exactly what I was going to write! 

IMHO the more the merrier, as long as I get to be a part of the fun sometimes too. She says she has only used them herself once or twice, which I think would be sad. I encourage her to use them all she wants, maybe even tell me about it later.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

macrane06032011 said:


> My husband does not like sex toys and doesn't want me to ever own one or use one on myself. I've never used any sex toys ever but I am curious about them. I'm not fond of the idea of using dildos because I don't feel like that is a real depiction of what a penis should feel like.
> 
> So my question: Does it bother you if your spouse or partner uses sex toys or wants to? Why or why not? What should I do with the situation with my spouse not wanting to even try?


My philosophy on sex toys is that I'll try anything once. I've tried all kinds of weird ones, even these goofy nipple suckers that were kind of awkward and funny. If the wife is not into it, I'll just throw them away and try something else.
I do not care if my wife uses them by herself, in fact, I wish she did. Anything to get her mind ON sex is ok in my book. 
The only toy that made me a bit apprehensive and why I think your husband is balking at the idea is the very LARGE realistic dildo's. I think it's fun shoving something BIG in my wife. However, when the object is obviously bigger than my own real one and the wife is writhing with pleasure, it makes me think twice about using it


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

macrane06032011 said:


> My husband does not like sex toys and doesn't want me to ever own one or use one on myself. I've never used any sex toys ever but I am curious about them. I'm not fond of the idea of using dildos because I don't feel like that is a real depiction of what a penis should feel like.
> 
> So my question: Does it bother you if your spouse or partner uses sex toys or wants to? Why or why not? What should I do with the situation with my spouse not wanting to even try?


We have a couple, I am perfectly happy for her to grab for one if she needs a little extra stimulation. Many (most?) women need extra clitoral stimulation to orgasm, does he not understand that perhaps? Add to that that after her first orgasm additional ones can be much easier to achieve and there is nothing like the sense of accomplishment when the women is a heaving sweaty mess after 3 or 4 orgasms


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I got my wife a large and a huge toy. She enjoyed them for the novelty and every once in a while, but most of the time prefers a normal-human sized object. 




UMP said:


> snip
> However, when the object is obviously bigger than my own real one and the wife is writhing with pleasure, it makes me think twice about using it


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Given your other threads on here, I would say this is a terrible idea right now. You have a lot of issues in your marriage and in your bedroom. Throwing another variable is not going to help.

Once you re-establish a giving/loving relationship in and outside of the bedroom, you can bring it up.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I bought my first sex toy in my fifties as it's the only way I can get any sex without having an affair. My husband of two years stopped having sex with me and without the toy my sex life would be non existent. I've just ordered two more toys so I can face the future without this enforced celibacy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I love it. I think it enhances the play in the bedroom.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

doobie said:


> I bought my first sex toy in my fifties as it's the only way I can get any sex without having an affair. My husband of two years stopped having sex with me and without the toy my sex life would be non existent. I've just ordered two more toys so I can face the future without this enforced celibacy.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

badsanta said:


> They can be fun, but they are called "novelties" for a reason.
> 
> Imagine comparing sex to eating some yummy chocolate.
> 
> ...


Interesting photo choice for the sex with toys photo. Do you know the background story behind that photo?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

macrane06032011 said:


> My husband does not like sex toys and doesn't want me to ever own one or use one on myself.
> 
> ...What should I do with the situation with my spouse not wanting to even try?


One of the things I learned at a weekend Gottman couples seminar was that you should know your spouses position better than they do, BEFORE you should try to negoitate them to change that position.

Let me explain. If my wife will not give me a BJ, before I try to get her to change her mind, I should really understand why she doesn't want to. 

So what is your H's objection to "sex toys" and have you asked about different kinds of sex toys or just dildos? Would he object to your buying a massager that you occassionally used on his tired shoulders and back? Probably not. 

Is that the kind of sex toy he objects to? How about lingerie, porn videos, fettish wear, masks, restraints, role play outfits? What is your goal or fantasy with regards to toys? Is there anything else that you and he could do that would not make either of you uncomfortable and spice things up? You need to talk to him and understand what it is that makes him uncomfortable with "sex toys" and the kind of sex toys he objects to. Once you know that, then you can possibly find "toys" he doesn't object to or ways of using them that he doesn't find objectionable, or althernate things to do that you both enjoy. 

Good luck.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

This is why Hitachi's are marketed as "back massagers".


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We have a few. They get tried a while, then languish in a drawer for long periods of time. I don't care if she uses them by herself (she rarely has), as long as that doesn't diminish our sex life (that has never even remotely been an issue). But that may be the problem that some men have with toys - they fear they'll get less sex, or vibrators may make her less sensitive.


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## BurningHeart (Dec 30, 2012)

Tasorundo said:


> Given your other threads on here, I would say this is a terrible idea right now. You have a lot of issues in your marriage and in your bedroom. Throwing another variable is not going to help.
> 
> Once you re-establish a giving/loving relationship in and outside of the bedroom, you can bring it up.


My thoughts exactly. You're worrying about adding sprinkles or nuts to inedible cake. Bringing this up to your husband is going to be like "I'm too tired or not in the mood, but here, appease yourself with these instead".


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

BurningHeart said:


> My thoughts exactly. You're worrying about adding sprinkles or nuts to inedible cake. Bringing this up to your husband is going to be like "I'm too tired or not in the mood, but here, appease yourself with these instead".


Not knowing her situation, I would still like to make a point about toys. When I was young and dating, "outercourse" and mutual masturbation was pretty common with the young ladies I spent time with. You can have sex and intimacy in ways other than PIV intercourse. 

A couple with open minds can have lots of fun with her using masturbatory sleaves on him, vibrators on each other, or her using a prostate massaager on him. So even if a she is not into PIV, they can still find other things to do that will potentially enhance intimacy. There can be a lot of reasons why a woman might not be in the mood for PIV and yet still want sexual intimacy with her H. At those times, toys, hands or a mouth can be a great alternative.

If the PIV cake is inedible and both are still hungry, then maybe toys might be a way to bridge the gap until the other issues are worked out.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Macrane, you are all over the place.

You have no sex drive, feel alone and isolated, feel overwhelmed and emotionally detatched from your H, feel over burdened and under appreciated, feel pressured to have sex...then make a thread about sex toys?

I respectfully suggest you focus on doing things that make you feel good, feel better, feel cared for and feel energized and screw everything else (except caring for your daughter.) your home will survive not being tidy, but showering every day will make you feel better. Taking your daughter to a park several times a week will make you both feel better. Taking a long hot soak while she is napping will make you feel better.

Focus girl focus!


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

badsanta said:


> No, I did not bother to look up the story behind the robot chocolate, but every time I try a toy in the bedroom, my wife enjoys them but she also finds them rather intrusive. I think that photo gets that gesture across.
> 
> Here lately when we play with toys, she likes to orgasm naturally a few times first, and then have me grab a toy so she can have a few more, then she looks at me suffering and will say, "to bad you can only have one!, you think I should go ahead and let you have yours?"


I am like your wife when it comes to toys. I don't mind them together but it's more of a novelty for me. My spouse can get me there multiple times without them pretty easily so it is kind of a tag-along for me to use them with him. 

Like your wife though, I do feel it's unfair that men can only have one (usually). Maybe that's why they tend to (generally speaking) want sex more often than women? It's a numbers game lol.

FWIW the woman in the photo is a quadriplegic due to a rare degenerative disease. She participated in a study using a robotic brain-controlled robotic arm. It was the first time in 13 years she was able to feed herself and she opted for chocolate. Not knowing the story, the photo illustrates your point well, it does look rather frivolous. Since I knew the story, I thought it was an interesting choice lol. No offence intended btw.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I think for some, the more orgasms you have, the more you want. I know for others who are LD, taking business on their own means there's nothing left to spare at the end of the day. 

As for the toy issue, I think you should talk to your H about why you want one. When I first suggested getting a toy, my spouse was a bit threatened at first. We talked about it and I ended up letting him pick it out and it worked to ease his fears - especially when it didn't take away from our sex life. From then on we added a few more.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

This thread is an interesting topic but I agree with the others stating that this is bad for you OP.

You are too tired for sex with your husband but want toys? Not gonna look good. You and your H need to improve your marriage in other areas first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survived (Jan 31, 2014)

Married to my wife for 45 years and sex toys have always enhanced our sex. Very active in our lovemaking. Lots of fantasy talk to each other, oral sex and toys. Her favorite is her flex o pleaser vibrator. Mine is a small vibe she runs up and down my penis. We don't always use them but do often. They do not replace our actual penetrative sex but are a great lead up to it.


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## Caribvistors (Jan 13, 2013)

Like "survived" comments above, we have used sex toys over our 46 years of marriage. I do not feel threatened by them, as I was the one that bought the vibrators for her. These toys are to provide her with a "different experience" in bed, which I find very exciting and she can use them when alone as far as I am concerned. Like other posters above have said, she claims she doesn't, but I honestly think that she sometimes avails herself when alone.


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## kimd (Oct 12, 2013)

You can never have enough toys !!!!!!!!!!!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> This is why Hitachi's are marketed as "back massagers".


To be fair, they actually work pretty damn well as back massagers.


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

The wife and I had purchased our share of toys and it seems her favorite ones are the more " life like " ones where she says actually does feel real. 

They do very well getting her off often so I'm happy if she's happy!


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## Depth.Inside (Jul 5, 2012)

We have several... anal beads, vibrators, one of the new ones that hug your pelvic and you have sex with it in so you both feel it (wireless), she has a Lelo, etc. We also have tie downs, whips, etc. 

Its all about how open you are. My guess is your husband finds it competition. Its quite the opposite. We use some sort of toy about 90% of the time. We dont have to have them but they do add value to the act.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Just as long as both spouses know about the presence of the toys and/or are actually participative in their usage with their lover, then I don't really see what all the big fuss is about!

"Competition?" (Hard)ly! ~ Pun fully intended!*


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W and I tried the sex toys. She was curious. The result? She found the toys did not add to her enjoyment. But, we can say we gave them a try.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

kimd said:


> You can never have enough toys !!!!!!!!!!!


Love this quote  - I've just had two new toys delivered by post today. This means I now have three different ways to have sex and my husband is not involved in any of them. Even though we're pretty broke at the moment, I felt no guilt at spending the money on these new toys (the equivalent of what he's been spending every week on whiskey) - I deserve a sex life and if my husband won't make the effort to have sex, then the toys will have to do.


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## 0neLuv (Feb 6, 2015)

My question is, how in the hell do I introduce it into the bedroom w/o offending the boyfriend. He knows I have used a B.O.B (Battery Operated Boyfriend) to get off and says he would like to get me off. He never has, But not b/c he's never tried. It just takes Alot of simulation and I don't want him to get tired of going down on me....so not sure how to introduce B.o.B w/o offending the boyfriend...
Ideas anyone? &#55357;&#56853;


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening OneLuv
It depends so much on him. Many men are extremely aroused by watching their partners masturbate - so you could give him a "show". 

If you think he is insecure, you could get a non-phallic looking toy. 

Maybe start with something like giving him a BJ while using the toy on yourself - something where the toy does not seem to be replacing him - just providing you extra stimulation while you are doing things for him.

I think the trick is for the toy to provide extra options, but not in any way replace him.




0neLuv said:


> My question is, how in the hell do I introduce it into the bedroom w/o offending the boyfriend. He knows I have used a B.O.B (Battery Operated Boyfriend) to get off and says he would like to get me off. He never has, But not b/c he's never tried. It just takes Alot of simulation and I don't want him to get tired of going down on me....so not sure how to introduce B.o.B w/o offending the boyfriend...
> Ideas anyone? ��


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## survived (Jan 31, 2014)

My wife and I just picked out several toys to use to celebrate Valentines day. They should be here next week. We have quite a collection but just like tools for me and shoes for my wife, you cannot have enough sex toys !!!!:smthumbup:


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

macrane06032011 said:


> So my question: Does it bother you if your spouse or partner uses sex toys or wants to? Why or why not? What should I do with the situation with my spouse not wanting to even try?


Does it bother me? No. I was the one that introduced my wife to them. I ended up buying her the infamous Hitachi Magic Wand which she is addicted to now. The first real one I got her was a dolphin shaped one from Fun Factory but it died after a couple dozen uses. I tried another fun factory but it also died after 30 uses or so. 

My wife is on depression meds which hinder her ability to orgasm. So that's why I got her the Hitachi and I'm glad she is able to have a satisfying sexual experience with it now. My job as a husband is to do whatever it takes for her to enjoy it. Even if she could enjoy sex without I think they add something fun and help fill out the menu.

In your case, I think it's a communication and needs problem. I think you need to sit down with your husband and explain to him you would like to try this and it's silly of him to have an issue with it. Find out what his issue is. Is it a size? Is he afraid you would like them more then him? 

I think it's really immature of a husband to not want his wife to have a toy because she might like it better then him. Vibes can't do dishes or give you back rubs or pay the bills. Sex isn't the only thing you get a husband for. 

Maybe try something small and unassuming, like a bullet. They make small phallic shaped vibrating dildos in other shapes (like dolphins).


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

0neLuv said:


> My question is, how in the hell do I introduce it into the bedroom w/o offending the boyfriend. He knows I have used a B.O.B (Battery Operated Boyfriend) to get off and says he would like to get me off. He never has, But not b/c he's never tried. It just takes Alot of simulation and I don't want him to get tired of going down on me....so not sure how to introduce B.o.B w/o offending the boyfriend...
> Ideas anyone? ��



Maybe you can be bold and ask him to watch you use it on yourself?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

OP, buy yourself one (or more...). It's your body, you do what you please with it. Your husband can participate or not, that's his choice. What you do with your body is up to you, not him.

You're obviously curious and interested. You don't need his permission to try things like this out.

Once you buy one, you can either tell him, or keep it a secret. You're allowed to do both. And if you keep it secret and he finds out, don't let him guilt trip you about it. Masturbation has nothing to do with your partner, it's all about you.

It's a real shame he's not into it, though. His loss.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

This is a not a cut and dry subject for a couple. For an individual, sure. If you simply must have toys, and must masturbate, then the partner can accept that or they can't. I personally have some very negative feelings about toys. Perhaps because I feel that I have experienced that situation that the toy proponents say "might" be a negative - feeling replaced and/or not needed.

That's not to say I am discouraging their use. On the contrary, my wife and I use toys regularly. Being sensitive to it, however, and I'd like to think with empathy for that from my wife, we try and NOT use them on occasion at least. It has been a long time since I have had a real problem with them (over a year at least). 

For the poster asking about introducing it to her SO. One thing you should consider if you masturbate using a vibe, and can't get off with your SO, is if you are desensitizing yourself to human touch. This is something that can happen with a vibrator. If this is a possibility, you might consider NOT using the vibrator for a while so that you can share your orgasms with him instead of by yourself. 

Before the feminist brigade flames me, I would give the SAME advice to any man suffering from performance issues due to his porn habit. If it hurts your REAL sex life, maybe you should cut it out, at least for a while, and work on improving the connection with the real person you are in a relationship with.


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## VTWINCRAZY84 (Feb 16, 2015)

i say there should be no problem using toys together. But using them by yourself on yourself. To me, if that's something he doesn't want you doing. You shouldn't, those kind of things can ruin marriages. But i would definitely consider talking to him about bringing toys into your together time. It can be a fun way to explorer and learn new ideas before sex and marriage get to dull


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

doobie said:


> I bought my first sex toy in my fifties as it's the only way I can get any sex without having an affair. My husband of two years stopped having sex with me and without the toy my sex life would be non existent. I've just ordered two more toys so I can face the future without this enforced celibacy.


 Exactly! My husband doesn't like me having toys, but it's either toys or another man. However I will say toys get the job done, but its not the same as having sex with a real partner. Gets rather lonely.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

As you say Ladybird, it gets rather lonely - but loneliness is a big part of marriage when there is no physical intimacy involved. It's not the same as having sex with a real partner and I've reached the conclusion that having an affair is my only hope until I save up enough money to leave. I won't feel particularly guilty because the way I see it is that my husband has driven me to it. We had another talk a couple of weeks ago. It seems that every time I reach the end of my tether and initiate another discussion on our lack of sex (it's been over six months since we had sex - we had sex 5 times last year and probably haven't had sex 20 times in our two year marriage) my husband acknowledges that we need to do something about our sex life, promises to make an effort and then a great big fat nothing! I've told him I cannot live this way but it seems that he makes promises to calm me down and get through the argument/talk and then carries on as (ab)normal, leaving me expecting some changes. The changes don't happen so all he's really doing is making empty promises.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> My W and I tried the sex toys. She was curious. The result? She found the toys did not add to her enjoyment. But, we can say we gave them a try.


Similar for me.

Ive bought every one. (most always from her saying something looked interesting) Try it once maybe a couple times. Usually "meh" is her reaction. Then they sit collecting dust.

Only good thing? When Im old and cant use it anymore, I'll have a reminder of my manhood thanks to "clone-a-willy" :rofl:


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

doobie said:


> As you say Ladybird, it gets rather lonely - but loneliness is a big part of marriage when there is no physical intimacy involved. It's not the same as having sex with a real partner and I've reached the conclusion that having an affair is my only hope until I save up enough money to leave. I won't feel particularly guilty because the way I see it is that my husband has driven me to it. We had another talk a couple of weeks ago. It seems that every time I reach the end of my tether and initiate another discussion on our lack of sex (it's been over six months since we had sex - we had sex 5 times last year and probably haven't had sex 20 times in our two year marriage) my husband acknowledges that we need to do something about our sex life, promises to make an effort and then a great big fat nothing! I've told him I cannot live this way but it seems that he makes promises to calm me down and get through the argument/talk and then carries on as (ab)normal, leaving me expecting some changes. The changes don't happen so all he's really doing is making empty promises.


doobie;

My heart goes out to you as sexual rejection and a sex starved marriage really hurt. I was in one, but was able to get it turned around. MW Davis has a really great book the Sex Starved Marriage. I highly recommend it.

It got me to give up my anger toward my wife, to start looking for ways to "Get a Life" and improve me so I felt better about myself, it got me to be less dependent on my wife for my happiness and validation, finally it convinced me that I wanted to try to do some 180's to see if I couldn't change the dynamic between us for the better. 

You are absolutely correct in that it does take two to save a marriage, but sometimes, one can start the process.

My advice to you is not to cheat on your spouse. Figure out what you need to make it through the day. For me with the heavy working out that made sex less pressing. I also got weekly massages from a nice looking woman who gave me the touch my body craved, the conversation I wanted and relaxed my sore muscles without any cheating involved. You might look for something that gives you what you need.

Again, good luck to you.

P.S. a Tenga Flip masturbator was another of my coping mechanisms when things got too bad. When we got into sex therapy, the sex therapist congratulated me on the purchase and urged me to keep using it until my wife decided what she wanted to do.


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