# Need some advice, perspective, anything...



## thoshebebutlittle (Aug 5, 2014)

I've been married for a little over a month. Yes, you read right, ONE MONTH. Prior to our wedding, my husband had an issue with meeting girls online, swapping pictures, skype, video chatrooms, etc. All girls but one were online from other parts of the country, and I am comfortable in saying that he never met them in person. The other one? I wasn't shy about forbidding him from even so much as looking at her sideways on the street. I found out about everything, called him on it, and while it took some digging and a lot of hard evidence to get to admit to everything, eventually he did and we worked through it. However, I am extremely nosey by nature. I get a gut feeling, and I go FBI and dig for everything I can find. Turns out, while it has subsided and isn't nearly to the extent that it was before, it's still going on. And I don't know how to handle it. At this point, I don't know what bothers me more - the fact that he's doing it, the fact that he married me knowing that this was the sort of thing he wanted to do, or the fact that he thinks so little of me that actually believes I'm STUPID enough to not figure it out! I don't know what to do!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You know what would bother me the most? The fact that I married someone when I knew this was an issue. But I'd be mad at myself for that. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

thoshebebutlittle said:


> I've been married for a little over a month. Yes, you read right, ONE MONTH. Prior to our wedding, my husband had an issue with meeting girls online, swapping pictures, skype, video chatrooms, etc. All girls but one were online from other parts of the country, and I am comfortable in saying that he never met them in person. The other one? I wasn't shy about forbidding him from even so much as looking at her sideways on the street. I found out about everything, called him on it, and while it took some digging and a lot of hard evidence to get to admit to everything, eventually he did and we worked through it. However, I am extremely nosey by nature. I get a gut feeling, and I go FBI and dig for everything I can find. Turns out, while it has subsided and isn't nearly to the extent that it was before, it's still going on. And I don't know how to handle it. At this point, I don't know what bothers me more - the fact that he's doing it, the fact that he married me knowing that this was the sort of thing he wanted to do, or the fact that he thinks so little of me that actually believes I'm STUPID enough to not figure it out! I don't know what to do!


Did you know he was he doing this online thing during your engagement period? If so, I have to question your decision to marry him.

He's going to have to be scared straight. As in divorce papers, or annulment, or whatever. 

I'm sorry to say, it looks like you married a man of bad character. One month into marriage and he's already seeking excitement outside the marriage. That's really bad.....


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

thoshebebutlittle said:


> I've been married for a little over a month. Yes, you read right, ONE MONTH. Prior to our wedding, my husband had an issue with meeting girls online, swapping pictures, skype, video chatrooms, etc. All girls but one were online from other parts of the country, and I am comfortable in saying that he never met them in person. The other one? I wasn't shy about forbidding him from even so much as looking at her sideways on the street. I found out about everything, called him on it, and while it took some digging and a lot of hard evidence to get to admit to everything, eventually he did and we worked through it. However, I am extremely nosey by nature. I get a gut feeling, and I go FBI and dig for everything I can find. Turns out, while it has subsided and isn't nearly to the extent that it was before, it's still going on. And I don't know how to handle it. At this point, I don't know what bothers me more - the fact that he's doing it, the fact that he married me knowing that this was the sort of thing he wanted to do, or the fact that he thinks so little of me that actually believes I'm STUPID enough to not figure it out! I don't know what to do!



Annulment. It ain't up to you to figure out his issues. There are professionals for that. I would get an annulment.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

They say marriage is an arrangement where she hopes he'll change but never does; and he hopes she'll never change but does.

Time for a boundary discussion with H. Boundaries never to be crossed. He needs to understand he needs to grow the [email protected]@@ up and invest all his energy in you and the marriage. 

You simply cannot nag him into adulthood. It's like pushing rope.

He is either all in, or all out. Otherwise, prepare yourself for a long not so great relationship (read horrifying). 

He probably thinks he's entitled to a steady piece (you) and whatever action and excitement he can find on the side.


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## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

At this point in your marriage, you're supposed to be honeymooning. You know, interested, entranced, happy, giddy, thinking only of each other.

If he is not exclusive to you now, he will not be in 1 year, 5 years or 10. Annul this marriage and seek a relationship with someone who is into you. Now, before you have any kids.

I'm sorry.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Caveat emptor.

You got married a month ago. Ink isn't even dry. File for annulment. 

Online chat room, dating site. That will bore him eventually. Next week, six months, a year. Slippery and fast slope to meeting in person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Foghorn said:


> At this point in your marriage, you're supposed to be honeymooning. You know, interested, entranced, happy, giddy, thinking only of each other.
> 
> *If he is not exclusive to you now, he will not be in 1 year, 5 years or 10. Annul this marriage and seek a relationship with someone who is into you. Now, before you have any kids.*
> 
> I'm sorry.


:iagree: Extrapolating this behavior 1, 5, and 10 years into the future and it becomes a nightmare for you. By then, there's a good chance you have children. You think this is difficult now? Just wait, things like this get worse, much worse.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

thoshebebutlittle said:


> At this point, I don't know what bothers me more - the fact that he's doing it, *the fact that he married me knowing that this was the sort of thing he wanted to do,* or the fact that he thinks so little of me that actually believes I'm STUPID enough to not figure it out! I don't know what to do!


If you had found this forum prior to marrying your husband and described your then fiance's actions; I seriously doubt that anyone would have told you it was a good idea to marry him. Often infidelity lessons are learned the hard way by the BS.

Don't blame him for marrying you; you knew what he was capable of, so you have to blame yourself for marrying him. Take this as a life lesson and cut your losses now. Just be thankful you didn't discover this after decades invested in the marriage and children.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Ooof. I'm so sorry -- what a blow to be dealt only one month into your marriage.  

I agree with the others that if he's brazen enough / values you little enough to do this one month into marriage, if you want to stay with him, you're going to have to scare him straight -- file for an annulment. If you don't want to be with him (and I wouldn't blame you -- what kind of man does this type of thing, especially as a newlywed?!), the advice is the same -- file for an annulment.

Again, I'm so sorry.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Excuse me? You married a man who never stopped cheating on you? What kind of advice are you expecting?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Sounds like he has no respect for boundaries. 

I bet he manipulates you easily too. 
"She's just a friend."
"I don't mean nothing buy it."
"It means nothing."
"It's just harmless flirting."

Do any of those sound familiar? yes? run. No? you made a mistake, run.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Getting married did not chAnge his behavior com what you have explained I would not have expected it to 

The good news is that you can fix your problem. 

Get an annulment and move forward with your life. If he can't be committed to you one month in... Then I would not expect that to change 

Save yourself years of heartache and show your child a healthy example of how to live your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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