# please please help advice needed is this cheating



## axlpacino (Dec 14, 2014)

Hi all am new on here and im not sure i have posted in the correct thread. Basically im going out my mind and i need some advice or something, i dont know really. 

A little bit of background info for u, me and my wife have been with each other for 9 years now, married for 4 of those and we have 5 children, i work and my wife is a stay at home mom. Up until 2 years ago we had a very loving healthy relationship in every way. Like most relationships we had our fare share of arguments and ups and downs but we always came out of them stronger. 

I do tend to worry quite alot and suffer from bouts of paranoia and jelousy i also have quite alot of self esteem issues and at times ive worried im not enough for my wife and that she would prefer someone else, this has caused quite alot of our issues over the years.

My suffers from depression which makes us clash at times and like alot of mums she doesnt really have an outlet away from home she doesnt have many friends she can see, ive always known she prefers male friends to female friends but she respects she cant get too close as she respects my worry and jelousy etc. I know its hard on her but likewise in return i would never get a close female friend as i know she wouldnt like it TBH. Ive tried being supportive of her depression but i know at times i have not been the best with it. At times she also been difficult to live with and can become quite unreasonable, but once again we have always managed to get thru the issues. 

Like i said above my worry and jelousy causes some problems and one of those issues over the years is other mens intentions towards my wife as she is a very slim and attractive woman. I have a friend who i will call "bob" who is a bit of a rogue and over the years has slept with alot of his friends partners he has never done anything to me and was infact quite a good friend and became a very good friend to my wife (also need to add that bob is really into graffiti, big time, me and my wifer are not at all we hate it in fact) but due to my worrying and jelousy etc i have had moments where i have got worried about his intentions towards my wife and this has caused alot of arguments between us and put a strain on the freindship between the 3 of us. My wife has constantly reassured me i have no need to worry about him and despite my reservations they have got a close friendship. 

2 years ago we had a couple of big arguments so things where on a rough patch anyway and my wife finally cracked and said she could not cope with my jelousy and worry over other men and bob anymore, and that after marrying me surely it is enough to prove to me where she wants to be, that im enough for her. She said she could no longer reassure me anymore. As hard as that was to hear i did understand and have made alot of effort to control my fears, ive not been perfect but im trying. 

Things since then have been very up and down between us we are not as close as before in so many ways, physically and mentally, but we talk about things at times and we both agree we love each other very much and want us to work out. 

4 mnths ago my old fears etc came back big time and my wife noticed this, she didnt say anything and didnt share my feelings with her because i did not want to cause arguments etc i got so worked up and i did something im not proud of, i snooped on her phone alot seeing if anything was going on, i dont know what i expected to find because despite my fears i do trust my wife and i never ever thought my wife would cheat it, it was more other peoples intentions and her being but in awkward situations, i know how much she loves me, i never did find anything. I was talking to bob alot at the time about how i was feeling and he was a great help. 

Then it all kicked off, i was at work and found out she went to see bob for a cpl of hours and got really angry with her saying i didnt like her going up his place because i know what he can be like etc it caused huge rows and she told me she knows that ive been snooping on her etc because she set traps to catch me. We argued for days and nearly split up as alot of issues came out during the days things we both need to work on. But we have agreed we want to work it out and made some agreements, one of those me not being jelous of her time and her having some outlet/friends away from her home life, i fully agreed to this and since then am making effort where i can, once again i turned to bob during this stage and spoke to him and even cried with him over my relationship potentially ending. 

3 mnths later things arent great still but we are getting there very slowly. A few days ago i did it again and looked on my wifes phone internet history and honeslty dont know why, i keep telling myself its because she doesnt share enough of her life with me and i wanted to see what she looks at etc, maybe subconsciously i had other reasons, i never expected to see what i saw. 

Basically there was quite a few google searches sexually related, for example: "i want you to f**k me graffit style writing" " me graffiti style writing" there was also searches for "your mine" "be mine" and "a love you cant have". I cliked on one of the liks and it bought up google images, some of those was graffiti writing but i couldn't read them. When i saw these i naturally thought the worse and it seemed like my wife was looking for graffiti images saying what i said above, but why? We both hate graffiti so she wldnt be interested herself nor would she send them to me. 

My mind was saying, maybe im wrong but that she wanted to send them to someone who was in to graffiti, we only know one person into graffiti, bob, with the "love u cant have" search, my mind was telling me something is going on (TBH most peoples would of done the same i think, please tell me if im wrong). 

So rather than stewing on it or hiding what i had done i confronted my wife about it, i told her something is going on and its obvious, she shows me no sexual attention at all yet google searches full of sex things etc etc i said i need the truth and it is the only opportunity she has to be straight with me so we can work it out. She basically went very guilty looking and quiet, i asked is it something to do with bob and and after probing a bit she confessed that 3 mnths ago bob kissed her and she kissed him back and that they both regretted it immediately after and that nothing else has happened at all between them and that they are staying away from each other and not really close friends anymore. I asked what the google searches where about then and at that time she had no proper answer for me and then our children got up and we had to stop talking. 

I went up bob's and confronted him and his only answers where ****y things like "trying my luck mate" and "im a c**t mate, trying my luck" he did kinda confirm that nothing else happened between them though i told him friendship is over no more contact with me and my wife by text phone or facebook. 

All day went by, kids went to bed and my wife and i could finally talk. My wife is angry that i looked on her phone and wont beleive my reasons for doing it, which i understand based on my past behaviour, she just keeps saying i dont trust her. She has confirmed again nothing else happened between them and has sorta explained google searches saying they mean nothing it was just searches based on conversations she had with some people a couple of weeks, it seems fishy but ive gotta decide to believe her or not. 

She tells me that bob feels bad about it as he truly values my friendship, yet his reaction to me was not someone who felt bad, i did not even get an apology from him. 

Ive asked my wife would she have ever told me and her reply was "i dont know because it was bob and i know what trouble it would of caused" i cant beleive this im really struggling with this as she always said if anything ever happened like this she would tell me, yet she hasnt and it happened 3 mnths ago, she hasnt apologised once to me either, am i wrong to feel angry about this? Is a kiss cheating? she says it was a moment thing they where saying goodbye gave each other a hug and he kissed her and she kissed back and then they both realized they where in the wrong, but she didnt stop it or come and tell me, ive been shown no remorse from her at all and it hurts. 

She doesnt seem to understand that i feel they have both betrayed me. Ive asked her can she promise if anything ever like this happened in future would she tell me, she stayed silent. I told her she can have no contact with him anymore and she said ok, i asked her has she deleted his number she said no, i said well you got to and she told me i cant order her about i said ordinarily i wouldn't but in this situation i have a right to, she doesnt agree with me and asked me if im giving her an ultimatum between me and a friendship with bob? I said yes and then asked what are u gonna choose to do she said she doesnt no yet, i cant beleive this either and dont know what to think. 

I gave up talking after 5 hours and we went to bed separately and we have got up today and still nothing from her, granted kids are up still so maybe she will later but i doubt it, she seems to want to carry on like nothing happened at all. She isnt coming across as someone who feels bad and will do anything to make things right. 

I dont know what to do next, what to think or how to act with her. I dont know wether to believe what she has said, after the kiss and then 3 mnths later finding those google searches, could anything else of happened between her and bob during these 3 mnths or was it leading to it? Should i forgive her? Surely im entitled to an apology and her at least trying to make things right? 

Please can anyone offer me any advice or guidance i feel im at my wits end.........thanks guys for taking the time to read this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well, I guess you now know that having a man who likes to have affairs with his friend's wives is a really bad idea. It's like having a snake as a friend. Eventually the snake will bite you.

Your wife's reaction and behavior to you confronting her about Bob is that of a guilty person. 

Cheaters do not tell the truth when confronted about their affair. They lie. We all it the trick truth. They will admit to only the every least they have to. The mind set is that if they keep repeating the lie, you will believe them.

I think your wife is lying. More has gone on. It was not just a kiss.

BUT... you are a bit of a hot head. Your jealousy and insecurities are causing you to handle this all wrong. It would have been better if you had not said anything to her and snooped longer to find out what is really going on. Now that you have confronted her and him, they will most likely take their relationship underground.

My advice is that you stop talking to her right now. Act like you believe her. Then let things cool down and keep snooping. She will get to feel safe and think she has pulled a snow job on you.

Usually, a betrayed spouse (BS) needs irrefutable evidence of an affair because the wayward spouse (WS) will lie and make you doubt the truth. 

Take a look at this thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

If you find that they are still in contact, do not confront her or him immediately. Instead come here and talk to us. We can help you from blowing up, confronting too early. We can help you create your plan of action.


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## axlpacino (Dec 14, 2014)

Thanks elegirl for the reply and the advice i really hope i can follow what you advise but it is really difficult. I tried talking to her again this evening and all she did was get angry when i accused her of not caring because technically what she has done is cheat then lie and hide it to me, all she does is throw things i have done in the past at me.

I feel like im gonna explode.

Ive said to her if she doesnt want to be with me then lets split as hard as it will be but she says she wants us to work and she loves me but dont show me at all.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why is Bob your friend?:scratchhead:


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Axl

Stop crying about it and start working on the problem.

Go see a counselor to focus on your feelings of inadequacy.

Get that counselor to meet with both io you as a marriage counselor. Or a separate MC.

Stop taking NO as answer. 

Take control of your marriage now. Pt ake control if your feelings as well.

Lady but not least your wife is a liar. Treat her like one. Do it respectfully though.

Download the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" as well as "Married Mans Sex Life Primer".

HM


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

axlpacino said:


> Basically there was quite a few google searches sexually related, for example: *"i want you to f**k me graffit style writing"* " me graffiti style writing" there was also searches for "your mine" "be mine" and "a love you cant have". I cliked on one of the liks and it bought up google images, some of those was graffiti writing but i couldn't read them. When i saw these i naturally thought the worse and it seemed like my wife was looking for graffiti images saying what i said above, but why? We both hate graffiti so she wldnt be interested herself nor would she send them to me.
> 
> ....
> 
> ...


*Okay, this is hogwash and you know it. "I want you to f**k me" is pretty explicit and not the sort of thing you look up in graffiti style. You both know exactly who she was going to send it to and she is insulting your intelligence by trying to explain it any other way.*



axlpacino said:


> Then it all kicked off, i was at work and found out she went to see bob for a cpl of hours and got really angry with her saying i didnt like her going up his place because i know what he can be like etc it caused huge rows and she told me she knows that ive been snooping on her etc because she set traps to catch me. We argued for days and nearly split up as alot of issues came out during the days things we both need to work on.
> 
> ....
> 
> ...


*Okay, something that we all know on TAM is that "we kissed" means "we f**ked". So you need to accept that more than 90% likely they were physical and f**ked! So if that is the case, the question is if this is a deal breaker for you ?*




axlpacino said:


> ....
> 
> 
> Then it all kicked off, i was at work and found out she went to see bob for a cpl of hours and got really angry with her saying i didnt like her going up his place because i know what he can be like etc *it caused huge rows and she told me she knows that ive been snooping on her etc because she set traps to catch me*. We argued for days and nearly split up as alot of issues came out during the days things we both need to work on. But we have agreed we want to work it out and made some agreements, one of those me not being jelous of her time and *her having some outlet/friends away from her home life*, i fully agreed to this and since then am making effort where i can, once again i turned to bob during this stage and spoke to him and even cried with him over my relationship potentially ending.
> ...



*So this is far from over. Not only does she not want to give up "bob" but she is also lying for him and defending him too. Of course he doesn't feel bad about it, yet she says that he does. She doesn't feel bad about it either as you can clearly see. So not only has she f**ked him (and probably many times) but she is defending her right to continue "f**king" him and not showing any remorse at all. Did you tell her what his response to you was ? If you did, what did she have to say? And if you didn't, why not ? Sounds like you have been replaced sexually by bob.*




OP, it looks like your marriage is over and has been for some time. At the moment you come across to her as someone who is weak and not only does she not love you anymore, but she doesn't respect you either.


She has cheated on you and all you can do is cry on her lover's shoulder. How do you think she views that ?


She openly disregards anything that you agree on (including your marriage vows) and shows absolutely no remorse for her actions.


She will rewrite marital history and transfer all blame on to you to justify her actions.


You keep saying that you are jealous and insecure for snooping on her. You are more than justified and permitted to snoop on her - there should be no secrets in a marriage in general and in this case in particular, I would have done a complete and thorough surveillance on her (see Weightlifter's thread on evidence gathering). She keeps using your perceived "weakness" against you.


You know enough to divorce her and that it would be the right thing to do to initiate divorce proceedings even if you stopped them later on. It would certainly give her a wake up call and tell her that you found your [email protected]! At the moment she sees you as a meal ticket and that is all.


Bob should be fearful for his life not just telling you what a "c*nt" he is while telling your wife how much he misses your friendship.


Make sure that you expose what she has been up to to her family and Bob's wife/gf if he has one. You do not want to be painted the bad one when it all comes out.


Lawyer up, find out legally what is the best way to protect custody of your kids and your assets.


Do the 180 and start healing yourself mentally and physically too and preparing for the fallout.


You need to be able to let her go in order to win anything here.


She needs to hit rockbottom and fully acknowledge what she has done and demonstrate to you that she is sorry (not just for being caught and not in words only). Anything else, and you will be rug sweeping the whole thing only for it to start up again later.


I wouldn't reconcile with her based on what she has done and if you did (for God knows what reason), she would have to go completely no contact (she will have to send a NC letter that you help her draft), she will have to be completely transparent with you at all times (phone, email, messaging, whereabouts, FB etc) and not deleting anything until you have seen it. She will need to draft a timeline with all details of what happened.


I would also collect as much evidence as per Weightlifters thread on this subject secure it, and then expose without ever revealing my sources.


Get ready to walk away from this liar, cheater and disrespectful person. Know her for what she is, not for what you think she is or would like her to be.

By the way, where are you guys in the world ?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Your snooping has shed the truth on the situation. You found suspicous messages, and when confronted the wife admitted that a line has been crossed.

Now for the hard part.

Do not believe a word she says. It is very possible she slept with him and has been continuing to sleep with him. She is not sleeping with you is she?

Additionally a cheater when caught out will minimise what they did. 

More importantly now is how you react. You need to show great strength here. Do not let her get on top of you with her BS Antics of how mad she is you snooped etc.

Stay Strong, Do a 180 on her and quit supporting her fiancially, emotionally, whatever. Regardless of what you want to do only a hardline will enable you to hold your self respect and possibly salvage your marriage if thats what you want


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Axl, I know you're searching and hoping for some exculpatory evidence, but that going to be hard to come by my man. Barring a polygraph, you'll likely never know what happened during her two hours at his place. All you can do is play dumb, act like you're ok with the story, and keep your eyes open and ear to the ground. If it happen once, it'll happen again and in short order. Your uncontrollable urge to confront is not helping you to figure this out dawg. Remember, the more noise you make, the less likely you'll catch what your after.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

One thing I noticed from your thread is your giving her the ball to hold and control the situation. You know she kissed the guy and you know the guy isn't someone whose not really a friend.

What you have to do is stop saying are you going to stop because all your doing is giving her more time to figure a way out of this mess and what you need to do is tell her that there will be no contact with him, delete his number and if she tell you that your controlling, your response is "You bet your ass I am. You kissed another man, you lied to me and for all intent and purposes you cheated so since you can't follow the rules of marriage then you'll live by mine or pack up and leave".

She isn't going to run to this clown because she knows what kind of guy he is and she wouldn't be able to trust him as far as she could throw him. He doesn't want to get saddled with a woman with 5 kids. What you have here is someone who wants to keep something on the side and you as a security blanket. 

Time to put her on notice that she's walking on the edge of a real high cliff and there might not be any safety net if she falls. If she wont budge then tell her to move out and go live with Mister Unreliable.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Big mistake going to sh*tbag Bob with your fears and complaints.

Undoubtedly that POS used the info you were giving him to work your WW into an A.

Ask yourself this, how did your WW know the extent of your initial snooping before you confronted anything?

You said you had gone crying to Bob about the issues you had found.

He almost assuredly then told your WW the extent of your investigations and that you were on to them.

Basically, you have opened the door to this predator POS by first keeping him as a friend, knowing his past activities, and then using him as a sounding board for your problems....he used the things you told him to seduce your WW....though this doesn't excuse her sh*tty betrayal at all.

Get ready....I think you are about to find out this is a lot worse than what you have discovered so far.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

First of all, am I understanding this right? Together 9 years, married 4 and you have 5 children? Wow... I'm surprised that she found the time to cheat on you while handling a house and 5 very small kids, and I'm also surprised you found the time to catch her while working to feed yourself and 6 other persons!

If what you say is true it's quite obvious there's a lot more than you've been told. This has been a PA for quite a while, I fear... This Bob has been around your family for a lot of time, are you sure the five kids are all yours?

She has no excuse for her behaviour, but keeping a predator like this Bob around your family for so long wasn't a really smart move on your part, I'd say you've done your best to end up cheated on...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The text messages don't match their narrative about only kissing, so I'd say both are very likely lying. She didn't sneak over to his house to play drafts or to practice for the church choir. Even if she had sex with the guy, are you in a position to raise 5 kids by yourself? Are you in a position to divorce her, support yourself as well as five kids if she retains custody? If you had no kids, I'd say let Bob have the heifer. As things are, you're rather stuck. Guess I'd focus primarily on getting prepared to be a single dad with five kids. Whatever else happens in the future, those kids will need at least one parent with a properly screwed on head and she aint it and neither is Bob. I would assume at this point that I couldn't trust her and that I'd have to be ready to take the kids and leave her sooner or later. If you can increase your earning potential that would be great.


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## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

Please, read http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...prepare-potential-divorce-custody-battle.html and protect yourself!

Best wishes


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Don't forget at the end of investigating and keeping tabs on her if you find nothing more and want to carry on a relationship, then tell her *she must *get a polygraph test to clear your mind of the suspicion she has slept with him.
Her reaction to you telling her will tell you a lot


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

I was going to respond but MANFROMLAMANCHA nailed this one perfectly and all I would be doing is repeating him word for word


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the var set up in your house now.

They started banging each other around the time she started cutting you off. How long ago was that?

No way he wants a woman with five kids, that's the only reason she hasn't kicked you out.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

She doesn't love you any more.
She is having a full blown affair with this guy.
Your marriage is over.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I repeat, get a voice activated recorder in your house now where she uses the telephone. You can get a sony model for around $50-60.

Your gut has been telling you she was not faithful for years. Your gut turned out to be right. Do not let her tell you drove her to this or its your fault in any way. If the idea was ridiculous she would have just laughed it off.

Sounds like the affair has been going on at least two years maybe longer. Tell your wife you need to have DNA tests done on your children to see how many are Bob's. This hopefully isn't the case but she is playing hardball and is in control of the situation.

Go speak to a solicitor/attorney for advice.

You know they knew you were snooping, the kissing story was made up between the two of them well before you caught them.

The graffiti searches speak for them selves.

Get your phone/mobile records and go over them with a fine tooth comb to see how much and when the y started communicating more.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Please tell me this. What is so special about you that you would think he wouldn't bang your's ??
Good Lord man, grow the f##k up.
Common sense says he hang out with the guy to get to the wife. So when he started to hang out with you and your's, that was your wakeup.

As for your wife, that's a wrap dude. You are just a paycheck to her.
This woman will never regain respect for you.
Not only did you bring the slime into your home, but you cried an confessed to him as he laughed at you. 
Look at it this way. he banged her the next day and they was laughing how you cried to him.

Now do you really want to be with a woman who would do this to you?? A woman who when caught, won't even commit to not seeing him anymore.

Dude if you won't respect yourself, who will.

No dis my man, but you have got to be the all time biggest ever been here.

Also, since you are gone so much, do you really think she will keep her word.
Word to the wise,,,, DNA and let her know you doing it.
And please, save the "I know they mine." You have clearly showed you know nothing about life.

Change that and learn, a leopard can't change it's spots.

Again, please find your self-respect.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

My man, many will run after reading these replies, but if you do happen to stick around, you WILL get help here.
It may not be what you want to hear, and you won't want to believe it, but it will be the words of hard won wisdom and knowledge.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> This woman will never regain respect for you.


Women never regain respect for a man. Once its gone, its gone forever. The mere fact that a man's behavior caused the demise of "respect", not simply doing something stupid where she realizes you're not the brightest bulb on the block, is the kiss of death. (Ask the ladies to be brutally honest about this and they'll give you the lowdown.)


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

axlpacino said:


> Up until 2 years ago we had a very loving healthy relationship in every way. Like most relationships we had our fare share of arguments and ups and downs but we always came out of them stronger.
> 
> I do tend to worry quite alot and suffer from bouts of paranoia and jelousy i also have quite alot of self esteem issues and at times ive worried im not enough for my wife and that she would prefer someone else, this has caused quite alot of our issues over the years.


So, is this an actual diagnosis from someone in he medical field or did it come up in one of your fights?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Good grief OP; you made a lot of mistakes in handling this.

Look, your wife has had sex with this guy. She's lying to you. So the first thing you need to do is ask yourself - do you want to attempt R with her under those circumstances. If you can, then you need a plan that corrects your mistakes and puts you back in control. But understand; that plan has to include your willingness to divorce your wife. I say that because it's obvious that you fear divorce. If you're not willing to D if she doesn't respond accordingly - no need to read any further.

Some posters have advised you to step back for now and try to get that smoking gun for evidence. That's certainly one valid option. But me; though I'd still monitor her and look for evidence, I'd take action now. 

I would have a sit down discussion with her. I'd tell her I've made a lot of mistakes in handling this Bob thing, but the bottom line is that I don't believe you didn't have sex with him. But even if I assumed you didn't, you still cheated on me. That said, I still love you and I'm willing to try to save our marriage. So I'm going to give you a choice:

1 - You stop all contact with the OM, you send him a no contact letter, and you become completely transparent to allow me to confirm that no contact. You agree to stricter boundaries with male friends and limit your GNO's. You agree to MC. And most importantly, you convince me by your words and actions that you are remorseful for cheating on me. (You also continue to covertly monitor her.) If you won't admit that you had sex with him, and I find evidence that you did or are continuing contact, then that will end my attempt at R and I'll chose for you. 

2 - I will file for divorce now and you can be with Bob or anyone else all you want. Here are the divorce papers in case that is your decision.

If she doesn't agree to #1, proceed with the divorce and don't stop until either it is finished or she completely turns around. Implement the 180 to detach from her during this process.

That, in my humble opinion, gives you the best chance to save your marriage and to correct the numerous mistakes you've made.

Good luck to you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hi, Axle.

Your wife and Bob have probably been having an emotional affair for a long time now. At least. They kissed, and yes, that is cheating. It is probable that more happened between them than she has told you (more than a kiss).

Her refusal to delete his # and break contact with him tells you everything about her intentions. 

You and your wife have very different boundaries on opposite sex friendships. It seems you always knew this about her, yet you chose to marry her. That was your mistake. 

You can't make her believe in your view on opposite sex friendships, just as she can't make you believe hers. You have to be able to trust one another. Ifs he is not doing anything to build the trust back, then you have a long, uphill battle with someone who really doesn't respect you or your marriage.



axlpacino said:


> she doesnt really have an outlet away from home she doesnt have many friends she can see, ive always known she prefers male friends to female friends but she respects she cant get too close as she respects my worry and jelousy etc. I know its hard on her but likewise in return i would never get a close female friend as i know she wouldnt like it TBH.


Bob isn't your "friend." He either wants to bang your wife or already had. Hence, her going to his home without even telling you after you already brought up the fact that their closeness annoyed you. Seems your feelings about him/the nature of their relationship were spot on.



axlpacino said:


> * I have a friend who i will call "bob" *who is a bit of a rogue and over the years has slept with alot of his friends partners he has never done anything to me and was infact quite a good friend and *became a very good friend to my wife* (also need to add that bob is really into graffiti, big time, me and my wifer are not at all we hate it in fact) but due to my worrying and jelousy etc* i have had moments where i have got worried about his intentions towards my wife *and this has caused alot of arguments between us and put a strain on the freindship between the 3 of us. My wife has constantly reassured me i have no need to worry about him *and despite my reservations they have got a close friendship. *
> 
> 2 years ago we had a couple of big arguments so things where on a rough patch anyway and my wife finally cracked and said *she could not cope with my jelousy and worry over other men and bob anymore*
> 
> ...


Oh my bet after reading that last tidbit is it is WAY more involved than you think.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Start manning up by reading Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. 

Stop believing her. She's using you. 

Bob - well, you knew all about Bob. He niced her into his arms. Duh! Even gained your confidence. Marriage wrecker. He made no vows to your marriage you know.. your W did. 

Read the book and remember, this is natures way of telling you what will happen if you allow this type of thing to occur again.

Your W is now damaged. Her bad judgement in her choice and yours for allowing a known seducer into your lives. Time for D. 

Move on and chalk this up as a lesson earned the hard way.

Get and STD test now. protect yourself financially. Get a lawyer and move into the new chapter of your life a wiser guy.


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