# * sigh * yea im going there - weight/ sex



## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Hate to bring this up BUT..... any men out there still love their spouse but she has put on too much weight ? its a hell of a situation.. 

and please its not a love issue its a body sexual preference issue. shes on meds and i get it .. anyone going through this that has useful advice?

yes i work out and i dont expect her to be a model but 5'2 175 is alot for me... just hate bringing this up but maybe someone out there has a perspective or advice?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

socal04 said:


> Hate to bring this up BUT..... any men out there still love their spouse but she has put on too much weight ? its a hell of a situation..
> 
> and please its not a love issue its a body sexual preference issue. shes on meds and i get it .. anyone going through this that has useful advice?
> 
> yes i work out and i dont expect her to be a model but 5'2 175 is alot for me... just hate bringing this up but maybe someone out there has a perspective or advice?


I think it is an act of love for a spouse to want to do their best to look good for their mate. 
There are too many disadvantages in severe weight gain to list. There isn't a single advantage to gaining a lot of weight, unless you want your spouse to not want to be intimate with you


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Is it the meds that has made her gain the weight?


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Is it the meds that has made her gain the weight?


yes


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

I’m the spouse in my marriage with the weight problem. Originally weight gain was not due to meds but a little put on here and there and then some depression helped me really pack it on. I’m about same weight at 5’5”. Now have a new med that makes weight loss difficult (I had lost 20 + lbs last year but have stalled last 9 months).

I would say have a frank conversation with her but don’t put her on the defensive and make it come from a place of love and concern for her health. You want her to be healthy and able to continue to actively participate in life with you (and with e children if you have any). Ask her how you can help? Encourage her to seek professional help (nutritionist, dr., etc). 
I would not mention your losing attraction. Again, come from a place of concern and love.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

socal04 said:


> yes


Its hard to know what the solution is if it's out of her control. Will she need to be on this medication permanently?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

So is the problem that you’re not interested in sex because of her weight? Is she still interested?

If it’s “just” weight and not a who-gives-an-f attitude where she could care less about appearances and hygiene etc, then weight is the lest of your issues.

But for many, good, caring, loving people, weight has become a battle they have trouble getting under control. Criticism and an attitude of rejection because their partner doesn’t find them sexually attractive anymore is cruel.

My wife has battled weight for decades. Even got the bypas operation but it took another 5 years for her weight to come down from 270 to 185. At 5’3” by the way.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Looking back, you created pretty much the same thread in 2016. In the meantime a lot of other threads about separation, lack of sex, etc. What gives you hope to keep things going? Is there something positive in that hope that can help break the cycle? Were things getting better in other areas so time to revisit this again?


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Casual Observer said:


> Looking back, you created pretty much the same thread in 2016. In the meantime a lot of other threads about separation, lack of sex, etc. What gives you hope to keep things going? Is there something positive in that hope that can help break the cycle? Were things getting better in other areas so time to revisit this again?


true .. it’s been up and down and more down than up


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

socal04 said:


> Hate to bring this up BUT..... any men out there *still love their spouse but she has put on too much weight *? its a hell of a situation..
> 
> and please *its not a love issue its a body sexual preference issue*. shes on meds and i get it .. anyone going through this that has useful advice?
> 
> yes i work out and i dont expect her to be a model but 5'2 175 is a lot for me... just hate bringing this up but maybe *someone out there has a perspective or advice*?


My wife and I are in our early 70's and been married for over 50 years. With luck I will die in her arms. I love this woman. Even if I divorced her, I would still love her. She has blessed my life with children and loved me and supported me through all kinds of events in our life. She has also hurt me deeply and disappointed me at times and I have come close to divorcing her earlier in our marriage. I would have given my life to protect her. In my mind she will always be that sexy woman I fell in love with decades ago. Neither her body or my body are what they were when we married in our early 20's. Very few women's bodies don't change with the birth of children.

Now let's get to the real reality of living in 2021. In the USA well over 1/3 of the adult population is obese and an additional 1/3 is overweight. Most industrial countries have a similar trend although less. Furthermore, the average weight of people has gone up significantly during the Covid pandemic.

So let's look at what you have said from three perspectives.

First, she is overweight and possibly obese, like the majority of others in our society. That means that while your "....*body sexual preference issue*..." is pretty unrealistic. There are only about 1/3 of the female population that is not overweight. Of that 1/3 if you remove the happily married, those that are too skinny, those that are have extremely poor health, those in an appropriate age range, those in the right sexual preference range, those not addicted, or institutionalized,....... you have a pretty small pool of women. Are your expectations realistic? Do you have realistic alternatives? Do you need to recognize the reality and settle for the best situation you are likely to face, especially if it is with someone who loves you and who you love?

Second, you love her. If you love for her, you should want her to live a long healthy and active life. Of course you want her to exercise and keep her weight in a reasonable range. You can communicate that you really want to have a long life together with her and that the two of you need to protect your health to achieve that. If you believe that, then you can lead by example. You can work exercising with her into your life. You can take her on walks, go dancing with her, do outdoor or exercise things with her, your children or if you have grandchildren them as well. You can take cooking classes or cook with her to eat more healthy. If you really love her, it should not be about a "....*body sexual preference issue*..." However, y*ou can also be part of the solution* through your actions by being less of part of the problem.

Third, you say you love her. How about changing your attitudes and your "....*body sexual preference issue*..." Stop and think about what you will look like in your 70's and what she will likely look like in her 70's. If there is love, intimacy then you should be happy. Start to work on yourself and your expectations. I would suggest affirmations or self-hypnosis where you tell yourself out loud, how much you love her, how much you think her smile is beautiful, how proud she makes you, how she dresses well, how she is capable of sexually pleasing you, how much she pleases you in other ways and how much that means you think she is a sexy and perfect wife. Start thinking of her as the "ideal image of sexuality."

Spend some times looking at the *Willendorf Venus *figurine. Look at some the paintings of Peter Paul Rubens and the nudes he painted. If you need to, look at some BBW porn. Or better yet, arrange for a boudoir photography session for her. Look through some old wedding photo's or photos of the two of you from years ago. In addition to affirmations, visualization is a very strong method of changing and reprogramming one's brain. Work on visualizing your wife as a beautiful sexy woman. Maybe work with her to have some experiences with make-up, hair styling, etc. that will change your mental image of her. 

The "ideal image of sexuality" changes with time and among people. Why is your image of an ideal sexual partner so much different than what your wife looks like. Why is your image so different from what "real women" of today look like? Have you been brainwashed by modern advertising?

Are you a slave of fashion? Probably not as the modern size 14 women's dress is huge compared to what a size 14 was 40 years ago. *DRESS SIZES OVER TIME*

Maybe you are a slave of fashion models as portrayed in the media. If you love her why not work on changing yourself and your definition of what is a beautiful sexy woman? Perhaps some individual therapy might help you on that journey.

Good luck.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

can only talk about what men think. but i would say half the men think a thin woman who can be on top is very sexy. the other half think that a woman who has a little meat on her bones is more attractive, if not more normal.

Way overweight...not many men like that. but there IS a very small group that think that BBW (Big Beautiful Women), those who are truly corpulent, are sexy too. but like i said, it is not a big percentage. If you are overweight, and lucky enough to have that type of man....it is obviously a "marriage made in heaven"

And the exact number of pounds does not matter as much as the flabbiness. If a woman weighed 175, even 200, but was quite muscular, and her belly was not that big, that could be a very sexy weight for her. So, for women who can not lose the weight no matter what they do, if they can stay TONED, that is an acceptable way to remain looking sexy.


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## Cindywife (Nov 5, 2021)

socal04 said:


> Hate to bring this up BUT..... any men out there still love their spouse but she has put on too much weight ? its a hell of a situation..
> 
> and please its not a love issue its a body sexual preference issue. shes on meds and i get it .. anyone going through this that has useful advice?
> 
> yes i work out and i dont expect her to be a model but 5'2 175 is alot for me... just hate bringing this up but maybe someone out there has a perspective or advice?


I know you asked for mens advice but I decided to reply anyway. I was 100 pounds when my husband met me and over the years I put on 40, which is my heaviest. My husband tells me he wants me to lose weight. He's direct. He'd like to see me anywhere between 125-130 which is fine. He does tell me he still finds me beautiful which is important. And he doesn't make it a huge issue. If he did I'd be resentful. So my advice to you is be direct but make sure she knows you still find her beautiful it will give her motivation.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Cindywife said:


> I know you asked for mens advice but I decided to reply anyway. I was 100 pounds when my husband met me and over the years I put on 40, which is my heaviest. My husband tells me he wants me to lose weight. He's direct. He'd like to see me anywhere between 125-130 which is fine. He does tell me he still finds me beautiful which is important. And he doesn't make it a huge issue. If he did I'd be resentful. So my advice to you is be direct but make sure she knows you still find her beautiful it will give her motivation.


If you know the "man code" you know that your husband is a keeper because he used the word "beautiful". 😉


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## Cindywife (Nov 5, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> If you know the "man code" you know that your husband is a keeper because he used the word "beautiful". 😉


He's the best. He tells me I'm beautiful at least once a day and he means it. If anything, it makes me feel good and appreciated for just being his wife. And that makes me want to be even better.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Cindywife said:


> He's the best. He tells me I'm beautiful at least once a day and he means it. If anything, it makes me feel good and appreciated for just being his wife. And that makes me want to be even better.


You have a good one there.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> If you know the "man code" you know that your husband is a keeper because he used the word "beautiful". 😉


 What is the man code numb26?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Fly With Me said:


> What is the man code numb26?


Staying alive in the marriage.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

As a woman a morbidly obese guy would be unappealing to me, but as you well know there is more to life.

And many meds do make it more difficult but it's still quite doable....it just requires a lifestyle change.

Has your wife voiced how she feels about her weight? Could you invite her to start walking with you? What about bike riding? My partner and I ride together and I see lots of heavier women on the bike. She might enjoy that. I assume you're splitting responsibilities so she has opportunities to get some exercise?

What about cooking? Could you help prepare healthier meals? A lot depends on whether your wife is interested in losing weight.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Fly With Me said:


> What is the man code numb26?


If a man calls you "hot" he is talking about your body.
If a man calls you "pretty" he is talking about your face.
If a man calls you "beautiful" he is talking about your heart.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> If a man calls you "hot" he is talking about your body.
> If a man calls you "pretty" he is talking about your face.
> If a man calls you "beautiful" he is talking about your heart.


Thankyou


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> If a man calls you "hot" he is talking about your body.
> If a man calls you "pretty" he is talking about your face.
> If a man calls you "beautiful" he is talking about your heart.


Ha, I covered all three this weekend. 👍👍👍


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Touchy subject for sure....and I think guys get treated a little too harshly for having standards here....Let's see how many women would gripe if their 6'2" guy became 5'2" over a few years....Anyway...

Bottom line is forget about what everyone else says...It matters not one bit, what some painters depicted in some old times, nor does it matter what the advertisements with the 190 lb models you see all the time are expecting to be the "new standard".,....It only matters what you think...Period...Nothing anyone else said and no amount of self awareness will probably make it go away or force you to see through it all..

My only caveat is if you want to talk the talk, then you better walk the walk...I see far too many guys out there that have horrible physiques themselves, yet expect their women to be a size 2 with big tits and a teeny waist.......Sorry, guys, that won't fly...Sure, some guys are able to pull that off, because many women don't place all that much value in a buff guy as a husband, but it looks bad to be wanting something you can't yourself provide...

Some people are blind to all of this and for them there is no problem...They don't have any standards and as long as the other person meets all their other needs, then all is good...Some just don't...Since the very first time I noticed girls were something more than just the opposite sex, I always had a vision of what the ideal woman* for me *looks like...It never changed over time...Sure, things do change with age, as most things, but the standard is the same' it's just a "mature' version of the same model.....I could love a larg(or tall or super stick thin, etc) woman absolutely, but if I am truly honest, she will never be my ideal mate from a physical/sexual aspect....It is what it is, don't blame me, blame my Creator, I suppose...

Just peruse these threads on here and on other forums and you will see a very sharp pattern when it comes to relationships falling apart...Sex or lack thereof is very high on the list...I believe it's because people don't take this aspect serious enough when selecting a mate...Sure, it doesn't guarantee anything over the long haul, but a strong sexual attraction isn't likely to go away all that easily, IME/O..

As for what you can do if your partner becomes obese? Forget about all the advice to set an example, tell them you will help them, blah, blah...People don't need to be reminded or coached that they are fat, they see it every day...If they don't take the initiative on their own, then there isn't all that much you can do about it...Even if you threatened to leave them unless they lose the weight, what good will come of that? Do you really want someone you have to put a gun to their head? And isn't it strange that when they finally decide to get their **** together, its when they are planning an exit??

Anyway, its your call..If she is too heavy for you, then you either have to play her and quit whining about it, or trade her...


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I have always been active, but struggled with weight over the years. I tend to agree with @*hamadryad. *It is very hard to convince someone to lose weight if they don't want to. If I get an injury I tend to gain weight. You can try several things and maybe it will help or maybe it won't, but worth a shot since this is your partner in life. You could try preparing healthy vegetable-based dishes and adding them to the mix. Try leading by example since you are a fit person. Can you take a romantic walk together after dinner?

I agree that positing as primarily a concern for her health is good - my dad was always overweight but got more active as he aged and my mother nagged him over the years to move more and eat less. Now he has cancer and lost a ton of weight. My mother would give anything to have the chubby version of my dad back if it meant he wasn't sick. Your lack of attraction to her probably won't change but if you show her love in other ways she will know you care for her. The rest is up to her. If she does start to lose weight, be patient. Healthy weight loss isn't something that happens faster than about 2lb a week at most, so there's not going to be a quick fix. Do you see her making some effort towards trying?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ahh I went and looked at some of your old threads. I think her weight gain is the least of your issues.

I'd figure out if the relationship is one thay you are going to be able to stay in first, and if you can make it better so that you are happy together, then worry about weight.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

socal04 said:


> Hate to bring this up BUT..... any men out there still love their spouse but she has put on too much weight ? its a hell of a situation..
> 
> and please its not a love issue its a body sexual preference issue. shes on meds and i get it .. anyone going through this that has useful advice?
> 
> yes i work out and i dont expect her to be a model but 5'2 175 is alot for me... just hate bringing this up but maybe someone out there has a perspective or advice?


I'm sure I've got a line in the sand somewhere that would be enough weight for me to start losing attraction for my wife, but I haven't found it. She went from around 100lbs when I met her, very thin at 5'4". Over 30+ years and two kids later she maxed out at 145-150lbs. I've never complained, nor do I feel like I've lost any attraction for her. For one, there were periods where I was considerably overweight and I never heard a complaint from her or sensed a loss of attraction for me. I obviously love my wife's body, but there is so much more to her and I see it as a package. 

All that said, I do want her to be healthy and IF I ever have said something about weight it was in regard to her health. Once or twice many years ago I made weight loss suggestions, but they were never received very well, so I just stopped. Weight loss, like many things involving self improvement, can't be forced on someone. They have to chose to change. My wife has made an effort to lose weight over the last couple years, on her own. I think she is down to around 130lbs. I think I inspired her by really getting healthy myself, dropping about 25lbs and being a regular at the gym. We work together on it now, but I am still very careful to not be judgmental in anyway and I don't try to tell her how to do it. I simply support her and offer advice only if asked. 

As was mentioned, your other posts indicate a pretty long list of issues in your marriage. I believe that if everything else is strong the weight probably has less on an impact. I think if all aspect of a marriage are strong and one piece has some issues it can be overlooked or easily dealt with. When there are widespread issues and weakness in the marriage a single issue can wreak havoc. How has your marriage been in regard to some of the other issues you've posted about? Is this just one more thing on top of all those other issues?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I recommend that you encourage her to exercise with you. Start with walking then progress to walk / jog intervals. Get his and her bikes and ride with her. Do some yoga with her. Plenty of short 15 to 20 minutes free classes on YouTube or on Amazon Prime. This has to be done in a loving , let’s do this together not in a pushy or judgmental way. Also find a way to improve the diet for the 2 of you. Sell it on the health merits not weight loss.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I am dealing with this as well. My wife is probably even worse and I'm already a bit low D, and her weight has made it almost non-existent. Her self esteem about it is too fragile, and she KNOWS the situation. It's honestly a real issue for me. We have sex maybe once every 3 weeks or so, when it's finally built up enough. 

Our financial situation has recently improved and I want her/us to spend it on health - like yoga, etc. I'm willing to throw money at this problem, not just due to sex stuff but her general health which is a major concern. We've been together a very long time and I have no plans to leave or cheat. But the malaise about this topic is real. I've just kind of learned to live with it, unfortunately. The other parts of our relationship are very good and not worth throwing away over this.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

socal04 said:


> Hate to bring this up BUT..... any men out there still love their spouse but she has put on too much weight ? its a hell of a situation..
> 
> and please its not a love issue its a body sexual preference issue. shes on meds and i get it .. anyone going through this that has useful advice?
> 
> yes i work out and i dont expect her to be a model but 5'2 175 is alot for me... just hate bringing this up but maybe someone out there has a perspective or advice?


This doesn’t exactly speak to your issue, but spouses health should be first concern. Diabetes, heart, back problems from weight. And a person’s self image suffers. Help her get some help to shed the pounds. Can the doctor who prescribed the meds help?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

jsmart said:


> I recommend that you encourage her to exercise with you. Start with walking then progress to walk / jog intervals. Get his and her bikes and ride with her. Do some yoga with her. Plenty of short 15 to 20 minutes free classes on YouTube or on Amazon Prime. This has to be done in a loving , let’s do this together not in a pushy or judgmental way. Also find a way to improve the diet for the 2 of you. Sell it on the health merits not weight loss.


And must, must limit caloric intake to 2000 calories a day, adjusted up or down individually to meet one's objectives.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think most people are entirely missing the point. It's the medication she is on that had made her gain weight. This happened to a cousins wife.She had to be on steroids and gained a lot of weight while still eating the same. Fortunately my cousin adored her to bits.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

The best way to get the wife to join you is to set an example, for the right reasons. It's hard to be motivated to eat rabbit food if the husband is scarfing cheese burgers.

However, she might be willing to join you if you make a rule to have a healthy household and make it a joyful thing to do.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I think most people are entirely missing the point. It's the medication she is on that had made her gain weight. This happened to a cousins wife.She had to be on steroids and gained a lot of weight while still eating the same. Fortunately my cousin adored her to bits.


It is absolutely true that some medications can cause weight gain and/or make weight difficult to lose. Even so, it can ALWAYS be done. It may not be easy, but it can be done. There is no medication that makes people obese. 5'2" and 175lbs is well into obese territory and medication or not a doctor will be telling someone with those stats to lose weight. It is not a healthy weight.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I have the opposite of the OPs problem. The wife has shed about 5kg in last two years. She has weigh the same 60kg @ 5’3” our entire 5 plus decades together. I keep telling her she isnt getting enough calories and it worries me. But she insists she is happy with her weight. She is an adult and can only change what she wants to change.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I think most people are entirely missing the point. It's the medication she is on that had made her gain weight. This happened to a cousins wife.She had to be on steroids and gained a lot of weight while still eating the same. Fortunately my cousin adored her to bits.



Oral corticosteroids can make you hungrier than you would normally be, but then you have to modify your diet to compensate...Any responsible doctor prescribing these meds will tell the patient that..What point would it make to give a person meds for one condition, if it's only going to create a potentially worse condition??


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This is the poster whose wife and daughters have a separate group chat and belittle him on it and leave him out of the loop about big things going on. 

It's really not an environment in which husband and wife are going to lovingly exercise and meal plan together. 

OP in the new year why don’t you suggest marriage counseling and once you have a happy marriage, then look at the weight issue?


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> My wife and I are in our early 70's and been married for over 50 years. With luck I will die in her arms. I love this woman. Even if I divorced her, I would still love her. She has blessed my life with children and loved me and supported me through all kinds of events in our life. She has also hurt me deeply and disappointed me at times and I have come close to divorcing her earlier in our marriage. I would have given my life to protect her. In my mind she will always be that sexy woman I fell in love with decades ago. Neither her body or my body are what they were when we married in our early 20's. Very few women's bodies don't change with the birth of children.
> 
> Now let's get to the real reality of living in 2021. In the USA well over 1/3 of the adult population is obese and an additional 1/3 is overweight. Most industrial countries have a similar trend although less. Furthermore, the average weight of people has gone up significantly during the Covid pandemic.
> 
> ...


good post .. ill contemplate this.. thanks


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Livvie said:


> This is the poster whose wife and daughters have a separate group chat and belittle him on it and leave him out of the loop about big things going on.
> 
> It's really not an environment in which husband and wife are going to lovingly exercise and meal plan together.
> 
> OP in the new year why don’t you suggest marriage counseling and once you have a happy marriage, then look at the weight issue?


yea good idea


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Cindywife said:


> I know you asked for mens advice but I decided to reply anyway. I was 100 pounds when my husband met me and over the years I put on 40, which is my heaviest. My husband tells me he wants me to lose weight. He's direct. He'd like to see me anywhere between 125-130 which is fine. He does tell me he still finds me beautiful which is important. And he doesn't make it a huge issue. If he did I'd be resentful. So my advice to you is be direct but make sure she knows you still find her beautiful it will give her motivation.


thanks


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> I am dealing with this as well. My wife is probably even worse and I'm already a bit low D, and her weight has made it almost non-existent. Her self esteem about it is too fragile, and she KNOWS the situation. It's honestly a real issue for me. We have sex maybe once every 3 weeks or so, when it's finally built up enough.
> 
> Our financial situation has recently improved and I want her/us to spend it on health - like yoga, etc. I'm willing to throw money at this problem, not just due to sex stuff but her general health which is a major concern. We've been together a very long time and I have no plans to leave or cheat. But the malaise about this topic is real. I've just kind of learned to live with it, unfortunately. The other parts of our relationship are very good and not worth throwing away over this.


interesting.. thanks for replying


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> I think most people are entirely missing the point. It's the medication she is on that had made her gain weight. This happened to a cousins wife.She had to be on steroids and gained a lot of weight while still eating the same. Fortunately my cousin adored her to bits.


 yea apparently i have to change my outlook on this


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

socal04 said:


> Hate to bring this up BUT..... any men out there still love their spouse but she has put on too much weight ? its a hell of a situation..
> 
> and please its not a love issue its a body sexual preference issue. shes on meds and i get it .. anyone going through this that has useful advice?
> 
> yes i work out and i dont expect her to be a model but 5'2 175 is alot for me... just hate bringing this up but maybe someone out there has a perspective or advice?


Well it is actually a love issue. Many people have them. You aren't attracted to her at her height and weight. Part of love is attraction. Part of love is sex. Not only have your frequency reduce, I can assure you she can feel the lack of attraction in ways other than less sex. 

This is your right of course. No one can make you love her at her height and her weight. But be careful, as she feels less desirable and has less trust in the relationship, as she feels you pulling away. She may also start to pull away as a defense mechanism. She may feel less loved, she may feel resentful.

So you two need to work on this together. Or prepare yourself for the day your relationship will end. Weight is a tough issue especially when it is induced by medication that I assume is needed. But it must be tackled if it is leading to lack on your part. Also you working on loving her anyway is good too. Maybe you two can meet in the middle somewhere. And if it is a relationship breaker for you, try being honest. Many of persons have lost weight when motivated with losing their relationship except most of the SO's wait until it is actually too late to tell them.

Good Luck!


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well it is actually a love issue. Many people have them. You aren't attracted to her at her height and weight. Part of love is attraction. Part of love is sex. Not only have your frequency reduce, I can assure you she can feel the lack of attraction in ways other than less sex.
> 
> This is your right of course. No one can make you love her at her height and her weight. But be careful, as she feels less desirable and has less trust in the relationship, as she feels you pulling away. She may also start to pull away as a defense mechanism. She may feel less loved, she may feel resentful.
> 
> ...


good advice thanks


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well it is actually a love issue. Many people have them. You aren't attracted to her at her height and weight. Part of love is attraction. Part of love is sex. Not only have your frequency reduce, I can assure you she can feel the lack of attraction in ways other than less sex.
> 
> This is your right of course. No one can make you love her at her height and her weight. But be careful, as she feels less desirable and has less trust in the relationship, as she feels you pulling away. She may also start to pull away as a defense mechanism. She may feel less loved, she may feel resentful.
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> ...


interesting reply


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