# God, which would be worse?



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

I took a look into a particular infidelity subforum on reddit (not adultery), and just...

For ****'s sake, which would be worse? Being unaware of the fact that your spouse cheated with your best friend in an LTA or attempting to reconcile with a WS that's still hardcore pining for the AP?

I hope the BSs can attain peace.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Spoons027 said:


> I took a look into a particular infidelity subforum on reddit (not adultery), and just...
> 
> For ****'s sake, which would be worse? Being unaware of the fact that your spouse cheated with your best friend in an LTA or attempting to reconcile with a WS that's still hardcore pining for the AP?
> 
> I hope the BSs can attain peace.


Not sure.

I wouldn’t knowingly do either.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Both my husband and I have cheated (and reconcilled).

As s for "worse" ugh, long term affair, and a friend - to me that would be a double whammy not worth reconciliation (pretty sure my husband would have kicked me to the curb if that was the case).

And hardcore pinning for the AP? Yeah that wouldn't have flown either. 

Personally if I had to choose the "worse" I guess it would be the second option. Reconciliation is about the cheater making things right, and putting their selfishness aside. Pining for their affair partner - I think I would be even further enraged by the continued selfishness and lack of maturity.

So, option one I would be hurt, option two I would be FURIOUS. I am better able to handle feelings of sadness than I am for rage. I wouldn't hang around option two for fear I would end up doing something that could land me in jail.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Spoons027 said:


> I took a look into a particular infidelity subforum on reddit (not adultery), and just...
> 
> For ****'s sake, which would be worse? Being unaware of the fact that your spouse cheated with your best friend in an LTA or attempting to reconcile with a WS that's still hardcore pining for the AP?
> 
> I hope the BSs can attain peace.


I put this in the Trump vs Clinton category. Both are so reprehensible and utterly unacceptable, that it's impossible to choose.

Abstaain.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Being unaware....that would be worse.

Knowing my WW was still pinning for AP...well that's just cause to bail out of the M.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Spoons027 said:


> I took a look into a particular infidelity subforum on reddit (not adultery), and just...
> 
> For ****'s sake, which would be worse? Being unaware of the fact that your spouse cheated with your best friend in an LTA or attempting to reconcile with a WS that's still hardcore pining for the AP?
> 
> I hope the BSs can attain peace.


*They're equally slimy and unacceptable, in my book anyway!

No brownie points extended for either of those sordid situations!*


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Spoons027 said:


> I took a look into a particular infidelity subforum on reddit (not adultery), and just...
> 
> For ****'s sake, which would be worse? Being unaware of the fact that your spouse cheated with your best friend in an LTA or attempting to reconcile with a WS that's still hardcore pining for the AP?
> 
> I hope the BSs can attain peace.


I've been on infidelity subreddits as well. It's why I believe reconciliation is not possible and divorce is always the only answer and for BS's to not show mercy to WS's because they honestly don't care about you.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

BruceBanner said:


> I've been on infidelity subreddits as well. It's why I believe reconciliation is not possible and divorce is always the only answer and for BS's to not show mercy to WS's because they honestly don't care about you.


Except when there are Lil kids involved the BS need to be careful with showing no mercy, it's a fine line there

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Spoons027 said:


> I took a look into a particular infidelity subforum on reddit (not adultery), and just...
> 
> For ****'s sake, which would be worse? Being unaware of the fact that your spouse cheated with your best friend in an LTA or attempting to reconcile with a WS that's still hardcore pining for the AP?
> 
> I hope the BSs can attain peace.


What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

CantBelieveThis said:


> Except when there are Lil kids involved the BS need to be careful with showing no mercy, it's a fine line there
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Did the cheating spouse show mercy?
Did the cheating think of consequences?
Did the cheating spouse think of the little ones while with their ap?

There is no fine line.
The cheater made dang sure that the line was erased.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?


infidelity is having relations with AP *with *your spouse's knowledge
adultery is having relations with AP *with out* your spouse's knowledge


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

CantBelieveThis said:


> Except when there are Lil kids involved the BS need to be careful with showing no mercy, it's a fine line there
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Did the cheating spouse show mercy?
Did the cheating spouse think of consequences?
Did the cheating spouse think of the little ones while with their ap?

There is no fine line.
The cheater made dang sure that the line was erased.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?


Sorry, I meant to say the subreddit r/adultery (bc we all know how slimy the content in there is).

But I would assume adultery is on a more specific scale (ie individual cases) than infidelity (ie the general population).


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

BruceBanner said:


> I've been on infidelity subreddits as well. It's why I believe reconciliation is not possible and divorce is always the only answer and for BS's to not show mercy to WS's because they honestly don't care about you.


Yep, I've honestly reached that conclusion as well. It's no longer fear of not being able to 100% trust someone, more of resignation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?





snerg said:


> infidelity is having relations with AP *with *your spouse's knowledge
> adultery is having relations with AP *with out* your spouse's knowledge


LOL what?

Intimacy with someone other than your spouse, whether or not your spouse knows and/or consents, is adultery.

If your spouse neither knows nor consents (or knows but doesn’t consent), it’s infidelity.


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Same situation here


I shouldnthave said:


> Both my husband and I have cheated (and reconcilled).
> 
> As s for "worse" ugh, long term affair, and a friend - to me that would be a double whammy not worth reconciliation (pretty sure my husband would have kicked me to the curb if that was the case).
> 
> ...


Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## bluelily (Jul 10, 2018)

This particular reddit subforum is what made me change my mind on cheater, why would they feel "sorry" for something that enjoyed immensely ? Sorry for being caught is most likely.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL what?
> 
> Intimacy with someone other than your spouse, whether or not your spouse knows and/or consents, is adultery.
> 
> If your spouse neither knows nor consents (or knows but doesn’t consent), it’s infidelity.


Must agree. The definition of adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse. No exceptions for those who commit adultery with permission.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL what?
> 
> Intimacy with someone other than your spouse, whether or not your spouse knows and/or consents, is adultery.
> 
> If your spouse neither knows nor consents (or knows but doesn’t consent), it’s infidelity.


The dangers of posting late and not double checking your work


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

snerg said:


> Did the cheating spouse show mercy?
> Did the cheating think of consequences?
> Did the cheating spouse think of the little ones while with their ap?
> 
> ...


I cannot fine any dictionary that makes this distinction.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

snerg said:


> infidelity is having relations with AP *with *your spouse's knowledge
> adultery is having relations with AP *with out* your spouse's knowledge


That's a new one for me. I thought the only difference was it's only adultery within the Judeo/Christian religions, but infidelity for both. 



> What is the difference between Adultery and Infidelity?
> Adultery and infidelity may both refer to the act of not remaining faithful to one’s partner. Both situations arise when one or both parties involved in the relationship are not satisfied of the quality of their love life or the emotional bond they share. However, the two words have a distinct difference that makes it extremely important to recognize the difference between the two.
> • In adultery, at least one of the sexual partners must be married to someone else. Infidelity can occur among both married individuals and committed relationships.
> • Adultery means engaging in physical sexual activity. Infidelity can be either being emotionally or physically engaged.
> • Adultery is considered a criminal offense and as grounds for divorce in certain jurisdictions. Infidelity is not considered as a criminal offence, and neither is it considered grounds for divorce.


https://www.differencebetween.com/difference-between-infidelity-and-vs-adultery/

I was partly correct. Adultery can also be a legal term. Where did you get your understanding of the difference between the two?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I personally feel you make a big mistake trying to reconcile. So I would say the second is worse. The first one, you just rip the bandaid off and nuke everything. The second is a man/woman with no self respect. Which is 1000 times worse imo. That person has issues with themself greater than issues with other people in their life. So they probably aren't ever happy no matter what they do in life.


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