# As of today i have to accept my marriage is over !!!!



## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

I'm new on this site .....Anybody know the steps I need to take to leave my husband he doesn't want me anymore . We been married almost 16 yrs . This was both are first time being married . We own are house and cars. We have no children together both are children are grown an out of the home . We both refuse to leave are home. 

I FEEL since he want out of the marriage he should be the one to leave ......Why should i have to find somewhere to live because he decide he want to be single .


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Have you talked to a lawyer yet?


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

ConanHub, 

No just decided to let go today . We supposed to be trying to save are marriage. But as you know one can't do it alone soo . We are down to this ! 
So maybe I will reach out tomorrow morning to a lawyer to see what will be my options . 

Thanks for your reply.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you get the books that I suggested in one of your other threads?


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

Hey Elegirl , 

No haven't had the chance to but I guess I really don't need them now .😢

But Thank you so much !


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I agree that you need to get some information from a lawyer before doing anything. Do not move out of your house until you speak with one. Don't even tell your husband that you are going to see one. 

I'm sorry things aren't working out for you. *hugs*


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

Thanks Notmyjamie😢


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Do you have anyone for support while you go through this? It’s emotionally very difficult. You need a sister, mom, aunt, girlfriend....I hope you have one or more of these.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So I have got to ask: What's up with your husband ??? Why does he want out? Also what country are you in?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry to hear this. Wives often try to make things work over and over to their own detriment. If he’s not willing to, then let him go. Let him know you are done. Pleople can say their working on it but what concrete action steps is he taking, or did you ask him to take.


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

G'morning Manfromlama, 

I truly don't know !!!! I am totally confused
. He keep saying he not happy with hisself and I deserve better . But YET HE wants me too stay with him . But he TREATS ME LIKE A ROOMMATE....... Truthfully, my opinion is that he just want to be single. He got comfortable with how his life is WHEN I'M at work and all the freedom . I work midnights .


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yes, most assuredly:

1. Don't leave your house/move out.

2. See a lawyer soonest, meaning today. If you have a family lawyer you and H use, see him as well, even if you don't use him, just seeing him prevents H from legally using him.

3. Don't tell H you're seeing lawyers.

4. Get some money out if joint accounts, H will try to prevent you soon or try to later.

5. If your marriage is over from your point of view, act now, do not repeat do not play his "let's work it out" plan, he's lying and trying to get some time to work on HIS plan. 

Hang in there! 

Hard, but you can do it!!


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

G'morning Aine


Ur so correct on your statement . That's why I'm done BECZ he isn't showing me he want things to change and work . He treats me like a roommate in my own home . He knows I'm a action person , I don't go by what you say only what I see.... . I am so sick of him and his excuses and selfish ways . I just got off work an as tired as I am I came to my baby girl house to keep from dealing with him right now . I just needed to be reminded that I'm loved by someone . So im over here with one of my grandson's .I just want to be happy !!!!! 😢

I don't think I'm acting too much .


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

G'morning Ragnar, 

Thanks for your reply and I truly believe your right about him trying to get hisself together to leave an just buying time . 😔


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

G'morning Faithful wife, 

Thanks for your reply . No I really don't have support . I mean my mom but she's going through her own stuff so she really just listens and lately she seems like she's tired of listen so I won't be bothering her for a while. I just told my mom that a lil while ago . I have no one to help me through this . That's why I Googled an found this site .😢💔


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

I have to admit this is hard for me I don't want no divorce. I really truly love my husband and when I picked up the phone to call the number to the divorce lawyer . I couldn't , BECZ that's not what I want .😢 

I don't know !!!! 

He wants this not me . 
I stayed gone yesterday until it was time for me to take a nape for work . When I got home he looked so sad . He hadn't seen or talked to me since we got into it about his cousin coming over Tuesday. I just decided to just work on me til we figure out how we going to do this living situation. Because neither one of us have anywhere to go or enough money to just move out right away ..... At least I don't ! 

I'm so confused. 😔

The people I told so far that my marriage is over including my oldest daughter whom loves him like he was her biological father, don't believe me.
They can't see us not being together so this is really going to be painful for all of us including my grandchildren whom love him dearly .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I figured this might happen. 

The books I suggested could very well help you save your marriage. They teach you how to do this.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Sorry to say this but he sounds like an immature (not fully grow'd up) self-entitled asshat! If he likes his single life so much then give him what he is asking for - in spades! Doll yourself up, go out and have some time to your self with friends. Let him see that you do not need him (which you do not) and also let him see that there are plenty of fish in the ocean. I am not saying to cheat but let him know that there are other men queueing to want you.

You keep saying that you really love your husband. I have got to ask WHY? What is there to love ?

Are you sure that he is not up to some hanky panky?

Also where (in the world) are you?


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

Don't be afraid of speaking with a lawyer. Just because you speak with a lawyer doesn't mean that you have to divorce. In fact, even if you start the divorce process you can always stop it at any time.


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

Thanks SecondWind for your reply and your right .


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

G'morning Manfromlamancha, thanks for your advice . I will try to answer your question the best i can .

1. I love him because in spite of him being a A**h*** and being a selfish person. He is amazing dad an partner in everyway. An plus you gotta remember your hearing my side he doesn't have a voice in this . But the post I have made about are relationship is a true fact and layout of are marriage situation at this point. 

2. I live in Michigan and wonders, why you keep asking me that , an does it matter where I live ?

3. I have been just taking care of me lately. I been getting out more and me and my husband haven't talked in a few day's since are fallout, "Tuesday afternoon " . 

4. I did find out he been in contact with an Exgirlfriend he went to school with . HE TRIED TO DOWN PLAY THE RELATIONSHIP THO. BUT I KNOW WHEN HE LIES SO THE TRUTH CAME OUT .

When i get upset i shut down for a minute an stay off to myself because I don't want to say anything to make the argument worse . Plus , I don't have time for that unnecessary stress .

So Before you ask .... "YES" WE ARE IN THE SAME HOUSE EVERYDAY . HE HAS BEEN TRYING TO BREAK THE SILENCE BETWEEN US , I HAVEN'T GAVE IN . HE'S US TO Me letting him know my eveymove and lately i been just doing me . So yes he tried to break the ice by BUYING me some FOOD to make sure i'm eating. He thought IT would BREAK tHE ICE AN WE would be BACK talking an back TO LIFE AS WE KNOW IT SMH . BUT I'M TIRED, I HAVE GAVEN INTO HIS Excuses and CRAP FOR SO LONG THAT I LOST MYSELF !!!! SO NOW HE HAS TO DO THE WORK TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK . AN IF HE WANT IT TO BE OVER HE HAS TO MAKE IT OVER !!! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS , NONE OF IT . SO WHY SHOULD I LEAVE MY HOME !?.
I'M ALMOST ABOUT TO BE 50 IN A FEW YRS. MY CHILDREN ARE GROWN, I'M A GRANDMOTHER . ALL I WANT TO DO IS LIVE MY LIFE HAPPY AT THIS POINT WITH OR WITHOUT HIM .

So "YES" HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A A**H*** & A SELFISH PERSON AND HAD A TEMPER. 
BUT HE HAS ALWAYS TRIED TO BE GENTLE WITH ME BECZ OF MY PAST. 

I MARRIED A PASTOR SON . HIS PARENTS MARRIED US , AN I THINK THAT'S THE REASON HE'S HAVING CONFLICTED FEELINGS ABOUT HIS MARRIAGE TO ME . 
I AM SOO EXHAUST RIGHT NOW ! BUT BEING THE UNSELFISH PERSON I AM SOMETIMES. I AM MORE WORRIED ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW THAN MYSELF because I been in and out of therapy for my issues . But he haven't and I believe some of that is the reason we going through this back an forward scrap ..... 

I HOPE I ANSWERED SOME OF YOUR "QUESTIONS" . An thanks again for your reply to my concerning post .


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

G'morning Elegirl 

If you don't mind what was the name of the books again . Although I must admit I'm not a good reader I'm more of visual person. But even if it can't help my Marriage maybe i can share it with other woman i come across who is in this situation. 
Thanks in advance for your reply and support.


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

That's okay about the name of the books you suggest Elegirl. I found them in my first post and went in put them in my Amazon cart alrdy.

Thanks again!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> G'morning Manfromlamancha, thanks for your advice . I will try to answer your question the best i can .
> 
> 1. I love him because in spite of him being a A**h*** and being a selfish person. He is amazing dad an partner in everyway. An plus you gotta remember your hearing my side he doesn't have a voice in this . But the post I have made about are relationship is a true fact and layout of are marriage situation at this point.
> 
> ...


OK lets get the reason I ask you where you are is that for some reason I got the impression you were not in the USA and I was wondering what kind of support you had and also what divorce laws are like where you are. But thanks for answering - you are in the USA so thats fine.

Now I am going to quote your original post here:



MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> I'm new on this site .....Anybody know the steps I need to take to leave my husband he doesn't want me anymore . We been married almost 16 yrs . This was both are first time being married . We own are house and cars. We have no children together both are children are grown an out of the home . We both refuse to leave are home.
> 
> I FEEL since he want out of the marriage he should be the one to leave ......Why should i have to find somewhere to live because he decide he want to be single .


So this tells me you want out of this poor marriage. And understandably so - if he decides he doesn't want you after 16 years then you should want out.

Then you quote this as an explanation of why he wants out:


MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> G'morning Manfromlama,
> 
> I truly don't know !!!! I am totally confused
> . He keep saying he not happy with hisself and I deserve better . But YET HE wants me too stay with him . But he TREATS ME LIKE A ROOMMATE....... Truthfully, my opinion is that he just want to be single. He got comfortable with how his life is WHEN I'M at work and all the freedom . I work midnights .


He wants to be single. Doesn't seem like a great "dad and partner" alright (excuse the sarcasm). Let him be single if that is what he wants.

Then you post in his defence !?!?!?!?

What has being the son of a preacher man got to do with anything? You shouldn't care if he was the son of John the Baptist himself!!! He is behaving selfishly - if anything maybe being the son of preachers has made him entitled, selfish, pompous and sanctimonious (there are plenty more words like these that would apply to him). So again I cannot see what's to love? Maybe you really need to answer that to yourself and you need to be very honest with yourself. Could it be that your first marriage didn't work out and you are clinging to this [email protected]t as a result. You don't need this. Ask his parents to work on him some more and try and help him grow up.

I understand that you are concerned for him but you would do that for anyone you cared about. That doesn't mean he is a good partner for you.

Seriously, think carefully about why you are trying so hard to stay with him.


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

manfromlamancha said:


> MRS.SEXYTAZ said:
> 
> 
> > G'morning Manfromlamancha, thanks for your advice . I will try to answer your question the best i can .
> ...


G'morning,Manfromlamancha.

I read your reply as well as advice and it brought tears to my eyes because your soo right on some of your statements . I mentioned of him being a pastor son to give everyone a lil ideal of his up brining not too excuse his behavior or say that makes him perfect in no kinda of way . I said it just to give y'all a lil insight on his up bringing . I was told by his mom an family that my husband was always spoiled by his mom , he was the last child she had and the other children she had was almost grown when he came so he had everything and didn't have to share like the other children did. SO thats why in ways i kinda defend him . So I'm not condoning his behavior or saying it's okay not at all . I'm just saying he has always been a selfish stubborn person and that's why we always bump heads .... I am kinda selfish too and stubborn so when things get bad it gets bad because we both stubborn . 
But it never got to the point where he made me feel like I wasn't valued or important , until these last two years .

Oh an I never been married before this is my first marriage..... Actually, this is the first time either of us been married . So we New too this .
But before I met my husband i was single for over 2 yrs an had no intentions of being in another relationship. I was just living my life me and my three children which are grown an have children of their own now . 

So , truly I guess I want to hold on because I'm still in love with my husband an I know from all the written remarks and replys of anger seem like I want out . But I truly don't !!!!! I feel lost without him in we're still in the same house. I can't and don't want too see my future without him being in my life at any point, he's my BESTFRIEND ! But I know I deserve better and i know he deserves better . But I know i can't make him be with me or love me back . 

So truthfully after my husband and I divorce I have no intentions on being with anyone . I plan to live the rest of my days as a single woman by myself ...... So it's not that I feel like nobody wants me or I can't go forward with my life. BECAUSE the ANSWER is I can an ,will ......But right NOW it's just hard when your still living and sharing the same house y'all brought together an I DON'T want it to be over between us but he wants out an neither one of us want to leave or move out the house . Plus I have no where to go .... I have to save money up to find something affordable to move to and the cost of living on your own these days aren't cheap at all .So you gotta remember it's not just that simple EXSPECIALLY when y'all share alot of are stuff and bills are together and your us to sharing your life ups and downs with your HUSBAND/ BESTFRIEND for yrs and you find out that PERSON isn't going to be there anymore to hold your secrets and to talk you through those times an moments in your life . It's like grieving for a lost love one whom past on .... So this is not easy for me !!!! To still be living in a home with someone whom I still love an know he gave up on ME an I want the opposite of what he wants .....IT really makes it very painful. So believe me I know I will be okay without him . But the truth is I'm scared. I been with this man for 16yrs my kids call him dad and my grandchildren calls him papa !!!!!! So It's PAINFUL.......

Oh an to ANSWER your question about my support system . I truly don't have no strong support system right now . I talk to my mom and sister but they have their own problems. I really feel alone a lot, just like now .

But I'm going to wrap this up because I'm at work right now so I hope an pray that you understand my reply back.... I really hope that I put the right words in place because between all the tears and anxiety and panic I feel right now and everyday .I can't think straight but I know at the end of this painful storm I'm going to be okay .💔😔😢

But thanks so much for replying back and your deep advice .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> That's okay about the name of the books you suggest Elegirl. I found them in my first post and went in put them in my Amazon cart alrdy.
> 
> Thanks again!


You might be able to find them in audio.

For example you can buy a kindle version of the books on Amazon. Then you just download the kindle application. I have it on my computer. The app can read the book aloud to you.

I use that feature sometimes when I'm working on the computer or cleaning house. Do my work and listen to a book being read by Kindle.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> 2. I live in Michigan and wonders, why you keep asking me that , an does it matter where I live ?


Where you live matters because marriage and divorce laws are different in every country. And they are different in each state of the USA. So if we know where a person is living, we can make sure to give input that would work where they live.

We get posters on TAM from all over the world. I would give very different input for someone who lives in Saudi Arabia, or Kenya, or China, etc. than I would give you.




MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> I HOPE I ANSWERED SOME OF YOUR "QUESTIONS" . An thanks again for your reply to my concerning post .


You might now know this, but using all caps in email and on the internet is considered YELLING AT THE PERSON. I think you just wanted to emphasize. Bolding text shows emphasis.


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## MRS.SEXYTAZ (May 10, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> MRS.SEXYTAZ said:
> 
> 
> > 2. I live in Michigan and wonders, why you keep asking me that , an does it matter where I live ?
> ...



Yes, I know Bold letters are used as making a loud statement . But you don't understand some of the replys I get and read sounds like deep judgement it's don't seem supportive to me and y'all gotta understand I am in my feelings and some statements hurt coming from people I don't know as well as the statements about my husband. Because everybody taken what i write and running with it not taken in consideration of my feelings .PLUS U gotta remember I'm hurting an y'all only going by what I'm writing on here , y'all don't know me . Just like I don't know y'all. So yes, sometimes I read the replys in be a little aggressive and my response...... Not one person asked me have we been to counseling or tried a short-term separation...... No , Just I need to see a lawyer and get a divorce . So yes , my messages will probably be a little aggressive . Becz i feel like i have to defend myself and every post i make here. So I'm not trying to attack anyone I'm just responding to everyone questions as I see fit . I didn't know I would be judged an corrected every time I post a reply . I thought I was free to voice myself . This is just how I am . I have A very dominating personality and voice so some people may take it as if I'm getting smart with me or take what I say as intimidating or personal . When all I'm doing is expressing myself and yes sometimes I do use bold letters because I want you to see the words that I'm saying is serious and have deep meaning when having a deep conversation with someone in my text messages online and off .

But I truly apologize an I might just delete this site BECZ I'm not trying to bring anymore stress and drama in my life. I just wanted to get insight without judgement on how to get through this situation from people whom been through it or going through it. As well as be supportive to others .
So I hope you for give me . 

An thanks again for your advice an for replying back to my messages.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> Yes, I know Bold letters are used as making a loud statement . But you don't understand some of the replys I get and read sounds like deep judgement it's don't seem supportive to me and y'all gotta understand I am in my feelings and some statements hurt coming from people I don't know as well as the statements about my husband. Because everybody taken what i write and running with it not taken in consideration of my feelings .PLUS U gotta remember I'm hurting an y'all only going by what I'm writing on here , y'all don't know me . Just like I don't know y'all. So yes, sometimes I read the replys in be a little aggressive and my response...... Not one person asked me have we been to counseling or tried a short-term separation...... No , Just I need to see a lawyer and get a divorce . So yes , my messages will probably be a little aggressive . Becz i feel like i have to defend myself and every post i make here. So I'm not trying to attack anyone I'm just responding to everyone questions as I see fit . I didn't know I would be judged an corrected every time I post a reply . I thought I was free to voice myself . This is just how I am . I have A very dominating personality and voice so some people may take it as if I'm getting smart with me or take what I say as intimidating or personal . When all I'm doing is expressing myself and yes sometimes I do use bold letters because I want you to see the words that I'm saying is serious and have deep meaning when having a deep conversation with someone in my text messages online and off .
> 
> But I truly apologize an I might just delete this site BECZ I'm not trying to bring anymore stress and drama in my life. I just wanted to get insight without judgement on how to get through this situation from people whom been through it or going through it. As well as be supportive to others .
> So I hope you for give me .
> ...


We can understand what you are going through. How many years are you married?
What was the event which turned things sour 2 yrs ago. You mention an ex girlfriend. Have you dug deeper on this? Did he cheat. if he has cheated , what do you want to do? 
Do you and he want MC or IC?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MRS.SEXYTAZ said:


> Yes, I know Bold letters are used as making a loud statement . But you don't understand some of the replys I get and read sounds like deep judgement it's don't seem supportive to me and y'all gotta understand I am in my feelings and some statements hurt coming from people I don't know as well as the statements about my husband. Because everybody taken what i write and running with it not taken in consideration of my feelings .


If you're still around, you need to understand this is a forum to HELP people. Not to hold their hands, not to make them feel good, not to tell them lies. We compare your situation to thousands of other situations we've advised on and we come up with the best possible solution for YOU. You may not like to hear it, but it IS the best possible solution based on the facts you present.

You raised kids on your own, I assume. He lived the life of a spoiled playboy, thanks to his mom. Once he married you, he expected you to fill the role of his mother - take care of him, give him what he wants, stay in the background or do what he wants while he continues to please himself and do whatever makes him happy. Because he's emotionally a child. Maybe a teenager, if I'm being gracious.

You can't make him be something he's not, Taz. You married him, thinking he'd be a great, loving, supportive partner and instead you got a selfish, temper-prone mama's boy who expects you to be there for HIM while he doesn't have to be there for YOU.

So you have two choices: Give up expecting to be treated well just so you can have him in your bed/share expenses, or bite the bullet and move out and start living the life you deserve.


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