# Is my fiancé bisexual or gay



## R8RGirl

Hi I’m new here. I am 23 years old and my fiancé is 25. This is my first post on here. I am needing advice and talking to anyone of my friends about my circumstances with my fiancé is uncomfortable and embarrassing to me. Well let me start off with we met about 7 years ago but started dating 3 years ago. We also have a 7month old child together. Well one day while using my boyfriends phone I came across his search history and saw he was watching porn. Usually I don’t have a problem with it however this time I saw him looking up gay porn. I confronted him about it and he was offended that I brought it up and didn’t want to talk about it. May I add my lingerie and new sexy panties would go missing out of no where. I didn’t put it together till one day when we were fighting I left but I came home early after staying at my moms, a backpack with dildos and my lingerie and some of my makeup in it he left out….. There was also a phone with a bunch of gayporn history and a pic of his ass on there. He would shut me down and not want to talk about it from being embarrassed. We broke up not long after because his anger issues and then about a year later got back together and not to far after I ended up pregnant. My question here I guess is, is he bisexual since he also likes women? Or could he be secretly gay and just using me as a cover up? How and what questions do I ask without coming off offensive? And I guess the straw that broke the camels back is we haven’t been sleeping together as much as we used to and there is a camera in our room which makes my mind wander as to if he is recording himself do things….. There is a whole secret identity I still NEVER got a answer to and that worry’s me a lot. He tries to act like it never happened but I can not forget…. Besides this he is good to me and our son but I can’t let go of how is has this other him I have no clue about.


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## BigDaddyNY

No way of really telling. He is certainly bisexual and a cross dresser, but he could be gay and just in denial. Lots of gay men have tried to live the life of a straight man. It isn't likely that you will get anywhere in a conversation about this with him. 

I would mostly be concerned with cheating. It sounds like that is already going on to some degree. You think he is sharing sexual pics/videos with other people? Gay or not that would be a show stopper for most people. You need to seriously think about whether or not you should marry this man.


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## DudeInProgress

Sorry, that really sucks.

Does it really matter if he’s gay or “just” bisexual?

Either way, he’s into men on a significant and actionable level. 
Is that the way you want to live the rest of your life?
Is that the husband / marriage dynamic you want for yourself?


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## Evinrude58

Why do you care if he’s gay? He’s clearly exposing you to a huge chance of getting HIV, cheating on you, has anger issues, etc etc.
Got to issue the 2x4 here. You are a flat out idiot if you touch this “guy” again.
Why are you even asking about this????
Is THIS what you want a life with????


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## Numb26

Pretty sure he is gay


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## R8RGirl

R8RGirl said:


> Hi I’m new here. I am 23 years old and my fiancé is 25. This is my first post on here. I am needing advice and talking to anyone of my friends about my circumstances with my fiancé is uncomfortable and embarrassing to me. Well let me start off with we met about 7 years ago but started dating 3 years ago. We also have a 7month old child together. Well one day while using my boyfriends phone I came across his search history and saw he was watching porn. Usually I don’t have a problem with it however this time I saw him looking up gay porn. I confronted him about it and he was offended that I brought it up and didn’t want to talk about it. May I add my lingerie and new sexy panties would go missing out of no where. I didn’t put it together till one day when we were fighting I left but I came home early after staying at my moms, a backpack with dildos and my lingerie and some of my makeup in it he left out….. There was also a phone with a bunch of gayporn history and a pic of his ass on there. He would shut me down and not want to talk about it from being embarrassed. We broke up not long after because his anger issues and then about a year later got back together and not to far after I ended up pregnant. My question here I guess is, is he bisexual since he also likes women? Or could he be secretly gay and just using me as a cover up? How and what questions do I ask without coming off offensive? And I guess the straw that broke the camels back is we haven’t been sleeping together as much as we used to and there is a camera in our room which makes my mind wander as to if he is recording himself do things….. There is a whole secret identity I still NEVER got a answer to and that worry’s me a lot. He tries to act like it never happened but I can not forget…. Besides this he is good to me and our son but I can’t let go of how is has this other him I have no clue about.





DudeInProgress said:


> Sorry, that really sucks.
> 
> Does it really matter if he’s gay or “just” bisexual?
> 
> Either way, he’s into men on a significant and actionable level.
> Is that the way you want to live the rest of your life?
> Is that the husband / marriage dynamic you want for yourself?


No not at all… I find it harder to leave this time and I know I’m stupid for it. The evidence has been in my face and I guess I just wanted him to say the truth or maybe even it was all a lie or a joke. Guess just in denial and it hurts to feel so betrayed because people are not upfront about there sexual orientation before getting your emotions involved. I want a normal marriage…..


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## ccpowerslave

Got to watch it if he has a backpack (or briefcase) with dildo(s).

There was another thread here in the last few months where the wife found a dildo in his briefcase in his car and it turned out he was going to an adult store with said case and going to booty town.


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## Rob_1

R8RGirl said:


> I want a normal marriage…..


Well.. you are not getting a normal marriage if you stay in this relationship. We all are what we are. We can try to hide it suppress it, deflex it, etc., the bottom line is that he's into men and at a later time in life he might want to be with a man in a relationship. It happens all the time with people that are not heterosexual. You stay, you take the risk, but take it fully informed of what might happen later on. Moreover, why expose yourself unnecessarily to possible STI's, which could really happens.


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## R8RGirl

ccpowerslave said:


> Got to watch it if he has a backpack (or briefcase) with dildo(s).
> 
> There was another thread here in the last few months where the wife found a dildo in his briefcase in his car and it turned out he was going to an adult store with said case and going to booty town.


Wow that’s sad. I don’t know how people think it’s okay to not mention things like this when you first talk or even have sex. It’s deceiving and so messed up.


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## Diana7

He seems to be living a secret double life. Is this what you want? 
You have a child which complicates things, but you are at least not married. 
This is no basis on which to start or build a marriage.


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## Al_Bundy

Obviously the backpack thing should have ended it for good. You may need to seek help to figure out why you not only went back to a guy with that many red flags, but also had a kid with him.


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## gr8ful1

25 is still fairly young and, just to throw it out there, it’s _possible_ this is just a phase, or something that he only enjoys completely alone and would not IRL instantiate.


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## ccpowerslave

gr8ful1 said:


> 25 is still fairly young and, just to throw it out there, it’s _possible_ this is just a phase, or something that he only enjoys completely alone and would not IRL instantiate.


Even if it is a phase: cross dressing, gay porn, and batty dildos seem like the type of phase you don’t want to be taking collateral damage on.


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## Numb26

ccpowerslave said:


> Even if it is a phase: cross dressing, gay porn, and batty dildos seem like the type of phase you don’t want to be taking collateral damage on.


Yeah, time to walk away


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## gr8ful1

ccpowerslave said:


> Even if it is a phase: cross dressing, gay porn, and batty dildos seem like the type of phase you don’t want to be taking collateral damage on.


She’d need to be utterly convinced of that prior to moving forward with marriage. This calls for extreme caution no doubt and I would advise her not proceeding with the marriage unless/until it was fully resolved in her mind.


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## DownByTheRiver

He's into cross-dressing at least. If he's also watching gay male porn, I'd say he is either bi or gay but struggling to keep up the straight facade.


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## Evinrude58

gr8ful1 said:


> 25 is still fairly young and, just to throw it out there, it’s _possible_ this is just a phase, or something that he only enjoys completely alone and would not IRL instantiate.


A PHASE????
I’ll respectfully disagree.


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## jonty30

R8RGirl said:


> Hi I’m new here. I am 23 years old and my fiancé is 25. This is my first post on here. I am needing advice and talking to anyone of my friends about my circumstances with my fiancé is uncomfortable and embarrassing to me. Well let me start off with we met about 7 years ago but started dating 3 years ago. We also have a 7month old child together. Well one day while using my boyfriends phone I came across his search history and saw he was watching porn. Usually I don’t have a problem with it however this time I saw him looking up gay porn. I confronted him about it and he was offended that I brought it up and didn’t want to talk about it. May I add my lingerie and new sexy panties would go missing out of no where. I didn’t put it together till one day when we were fighting I left but I came home early after staying at my moms, a backpack with dildos and my lingerie and some of my makeup in it he left out….. There was also a phone with a bunch of gayporn history and a pic of his ass on there. He would shut me down and not want to talk about it from being embarrassed. We broke up not long after because his anger issues and then about a year later got back together and not to far after I ended up pregnant. My question here I guess is, is he bisexual since he also likes women? Or could he be secretly gay and just using me as a cover up? How and what questions do I ask without coming off offensive? And I guess the straw that broke the camels back is we haven’t been sleeping together as much as we used to and there is a camera in our room which makes my mind wander as to if he is recording himself do things….. There is a whole secret identity I still NEVER got a answer to and that worry’s me a lot. He tries to act like it never happened but I can not forget…. Besides this he is good to me and our son but I can’t let go of how is has this other him I have no clue about.


The nature of porn is invariably progressive and the sexologists are finally admitting the truth that one's sexual identity is fluid and can be strengthened or weakened in a heterosexual way or homosexual way, depending on what you are constantly exposing yourself to. 

He may not have started gay, but it looks like he is becoming bisexual and eventually gay, if he doesn't stop.


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## Evinrude58

jonty30 said:


> The nature of porn is invariably progressive and the sexologists are finally admitting the truth that one's sexual identity is fluid and can be strengthened or weakened in a heterosexual way or homosexual way, depending on what you are constantly exposing yourself to.
> 
> He may not have started gay, but it looks like he is becoming bisexual and eventually gay, if he doesn't stop.


Sexologists? WTH??
I disagree


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## jonty30

Evinrude58 said:


> Sexologists? WTH??
> I disagr hi You have I opôi


How Fluid is Sexuality Really?. Challenging the notion of changeable… | by Krishen Samuel | Think Queerly
Sexuality Is Much More Fluid Than You Think | Psychology Today
The Biblical principle of beholding and then being changed applies.


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## Evinrude58

jonty30 said:


> How Fluid is Sexuality Really?. Challenging the notion of changeable… | by Krishen Samuel | Think Queerly
> Sexuality Is Much More Fluid Than You Think | Psychology Today
> The Biblical principle of beholding and then being changed applies.


Dude, your link took me to “thinkqueerly.com”
Lol, I think their opinion mat be biased.


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## jonty30

Evinrude58 said:


> Dude, your link took me to “thinkqueerly.com”
> Lol, I think their opinion mat be biased.


Another link is to psychology today.
The queer crowd is simply finally being honest, instead of the overwhelming propaganda they used to push about being born that way. 
That's why I posted that group. They knew all along that people are sexually fluid, if they get enough exposure to homosexuality, they can be turned.


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## Evinrude58

Weirdness


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## BigDaddyNY

Evinrude58 said:


> Weirdness


He's a fool. In one thread he says he doesn't believe in gender fluidity, but then uses it is as a twisted way to call himself Texan when he is from Canada. Then he comes here supporting sexual identity fluidity with a thinkqueerly.com article. Oh, and don't forget he is an expert in primary & secondary education even though he's never had a child and works as a security guard. Here he says porn is invariably progressive while justifying his own porn use because he wife won't give him what he wants. And this latest nonsense, lol. People can become gay through exposure to homosexuality, which I suppose means he also believes homosexuals can be converted to straight. Like I said, a fool.


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## jonty30

BigDaddyNY said:


> He's a fool. In one thread he says he doesn't believe in gender fluidity, but then uses it is as a twisted way to call himself Texan when he is from Canada. Then he comes here supporting sexual identity fluidity with a thinkqueerly.com article. Oh, and don't forget he is an expert in primary & secondary education even though he's never had a child and works as a security guard. Here he says porn is invariably progressive while justifying his own porn use because he wife won't give him what he wants. And this latest nonsense, lol. People can become gay through exposure to homosexuality, which I suppose means he also believes homosexuals can be converted to straight. Like I said, a fool.


You're very sensitive. 
How's your testosterone?


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## BigDaddyNY

jonty30 said:


> You're very sensitive.
> How's your testosterone?


Through the roof. Probably thanks to all the quality sex I get from my wife.


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## jonty30

BigDaddyNY said:


> Through the roof. Probably thanks to all the quality sex I get from my wife.


I'm sure it is, for an old guy.


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## BigDaddyNY

jonty30 said:


> I'm sure it is, for an old guy.


Yep, I do alright for an old guy. I don't even need to secretly whack off to porn to replace what my wife won't give me. Life is good!


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## jonty30

BigDaddyNY said:


> Yep, I do alright for an old guy. I don't even need to secretly whack off to porn to replace what my wife won't give me. Life is good!


I'm sure it is.
What else have you got to say about me?
Keep it coming.
I love honesty.
Make the list as big as you can and I hope everybody joins in.
Don't shame your military buddies and coward out. Make a big list.


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## BigDaddyNY

jonty30 said:


> I'm sure it is.
> What else have you got to say about me?
> Keep it coming.
> I love honesty.
> Make the list as big as you can and I hope everybody joins in.


I'm done. Your posts pretty much speak for themselves.


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## jonty30

BigDaddyNY said:


> I'm done. Your posts pretty much speak for themselves.


No you're not done.
Military guys are known for their honesty.
Don't disappoint them on my account.

You claim to be a guy that likes to please, but you're leaving me unsatisfied.
C'mon Bigdaddy.


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## Evinrude58




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## jonty30

Evinrude58 said:


> View attachment 79942


I'm responding in good fun.


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## BigDaddyNY

jonty30 said:


> No you're not done.
> Military guys are known for their honesty.
> Don't disappoint them on my account.
> 
> You claim to be a guy that likes to please, but you're leaving me unsatisfied.
> C'mon Bigdaddy.


Dissatisfaction seems to be common for you


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## jonty30

BigDaddyNY said:


> Dissatisfaction seems to be common for you


I'm happy in my situation. But I don't want you steaming because you're not confident in telling me like it is. 
I want it all out for you.


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## notmyjamie

Ok…back to the subject at hand. I feel uniquely qualified to answer this question. My belief is that he is a cross dresser who is gay. I could be wrong…he could be bisexual but I’d be willing to bet a paycheck that he’s not. The fact that he won’t discuss it tells me he is deeply ashamed of his desires and will never be honest about them. stop waiting for him to admit anything because he won’t. If he wanted to be out he would be out. 

But honestly, that’s all a moot point. You want a normal marriage? You will NOT get one with this man. Whether he is gay or bisexual doesn’t matter, he is not straight. Straight guys don’t do the things he’s done. End.of.story

Please don’t waste anymore of your time hoping his desires will go away. They won’t. And the more he explores them the less he’ll want you until eventually he won’t want you at all. He will want the facade you help create but he won’t actually want you. 

I’m sorry. There are many support groups to help people who out their partner is gay. Please feel free to PM any specific questions. _hugs_


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## Gabriel

Bisexual or gay, it doesn't matter which. The fact is, he's deceiving you and putting you at risk with this stuff.

He's either packed up your stuff and the vibrators in order to go self-pleasure town in private, or he is doing this with a partner. Either way, he's hiding his identity from you and that's not how you should enter a marriage. 

I'd sit him down and encourage him to be who he is, and that it's okay, it just won't be with you guys being married.


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