# separated and wife may want to be fwb



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

When my wife told me the marriage is over about a week later she said maybe can be friends with benefits and the other week said that again. I am in shock. She has no sex drive now bc of meds and the way the marriage is/was i guess. I know separated people have done this why? I have asked her if could get together for a date,or do things with the kids so she can see that i have changed and am changing etc and so far the answer is no. But yet maybe later on she wants sex with me. I do not see the fwb work bc of the kids the dive is about 30 mins away and then having sex and going back.Yes i do want to be with my wife as in the marriage Thank you


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She's just keeping you hanging on a hook..plan B guy. You need to run for the hills. Forget about it...you'll be hanging in emotional turmoil to all the games.
Your being strung along!


----------



## rv10flyer (Apr 26, 2018)

She’s enjoying plan A too much right now. Do the 180. Divorce. Keep working on you and she will either see it or some other woman will. Don’t be Plan B. Good luck.


----------



## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

Don't settle for scraps dude. It is simple - you are plan B. She is keeping you in the wings in case things don't work out. Your best course of action is hard 180, talk to a lawyer, and file for divorce. And seriously - you want her to see the changes you're making and that you're a better man? She already left - trying to show her how much better you are now is competing for her love and comes from a position of weakness. Don't do that to yourself. She left you - take that seriously and start moving on with your life.


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

You already know the answer.

" I do want to be with my wife as in the 
marriage " You do not think the fwb will 
work because you want to do things as a family.
She does not want that. She has told you so.
She told you the marriage is over. Tell her you
agree it is over and move on.


----------



## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

changingmale said:


> When my wife told me the marriage is over about a week later she said maybe can be friends with benefits and the other week said that again. I am in shock. She has no sex drive now bc of meds and the way the marriage is/was i guess. I know separated people have done this why? I have asked her if could get together for a date,or do things with the kids so she can see that i have changed and am changing etc and so far the answer is no. But yet maybe later on she wants sex with me. I do not see the fwb work bc of the kids the dive is about 30 mins away and then having sex and going back.Yes i do want to be with my wife as in the marriage Thank you



I'm very very sorry for the situation that you are in. Despite any residual feelings of loneliness or physical attraction you may have..., DUDE RUN! Run now and run fast and don't look back!

Best case scenario, you are getting some newer, younger, larger guy's sloppy seconds. Worst case scenario, she's setting you up to have to make even more child support payments for when she gets pregnant by his baby...


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

The fantasy your W had of a nice life with the other man is falling apart, when the affair became real it introduced conflict into the relationship.

Now she wants to hedge her bets.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

There is no other guy. She does not have the time with her job training and the kids and she also home schools the kids. So her time is full and she more or less has said i killed her wanting to be in a relationship. Then with her meds she has no sex drive right now


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

changingmale said:


> ... she more or less has said i killed her wanting to be in a relationship.


Has she given you reasons as to why she feels you "killed" it?


----------



## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

If she doesn't want to stay married to you, why would she still want to have sex with you? 

I don't get it.

If your "horrible" enough to divorce, she shouldn't want you in her bed either.

(Not saying you ARE horrible.)


----------



## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Ditch the *****........She is cra cra.......


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

When I was coming of age and beginning to learn my ways of the world, my very wise old schoolmarm mother told me that when it comes to sex there are only two kinds of honest women in the world when they offer sex. 

The first kind will offer sex in exchange for marriage, home and family. 

The second will offer sex in exchange for cold, hard cash. 

Those are the only two honest women. 

Any other offer for sex for anything other than those two things is cause for suspicion and there is likely some kind of hidden agenda or manipulation taking place. 


I think you should heed the advice of my mother on this one.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I was all set to tell you not to take her pitiful, conciliatory 'offer' of being FWBs because that makes you look weak and needy. I still say don't do it but I see you've been mentioning 'change' way too much in your first post.

Your screen name is "changing male" and you also mentioned that you asked if you could take her on dates or on family outings so she can see that you've* 'changed and are still changing,'* so obviously you were doing something (or NOT doing something) that she was no longer willing to tolerate.

I'd have to ask - in all fairness - what was it that drove her away?


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I was all set to tell you not to take her pitiful, conciliatory 'offer' of being FWBs because that makes you look weak and needy. I still say don't do it but I see you've been mentioning 'change' way too much in your first post.
> 
> Your screen name is "changing male" and you also mentioned that you asked if you could take her on dates or on family outings so she can see that you've* 'changed and are still changing,'* so obviously you were doing something (or NOT doing something) that she was no longer willing to tolerate.
> 
> I'd have to ask - in all fairness - what was it that drove her away?


From another thread...



changingmale said:


> Hello new guy here. Been married for more than a dozen yrs with kids. Wife told me she wants a divorce. I had withdrawn and she felt like there was more involved than that. *She had some health issue and i was not there for her.* I was wrong and told her that. I am changing and hope to get my family back but she says no. i have gotten closer to God and the separation is needed but hopefully not the divorce


....my guess is that @changingmale enjoyed a marriage with a wife to have and to hold through good times and.... (for the bad times he left to go play golf or something like that while she was struggling with her health and probably home schooling kids all on her own).


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Don't do it! The various hormones will mess with your heart and your head. She's doing this to manipulate you.


----------



## rv10flyer (Apr 26, 2018)

I always have to laugh now at the guys and gals who say, “My spouse does not have the time or energy for an affair. They have a low sex drive.” Please quit fooling yourself! It literally takes 10 minutes on the hood, in the backseat, in the woods, in the motel or in your bed per week for some strange on the side to satisfy those lustful desires. The rest can be done on the burner phones through sexting and texting hundreds of times per week.


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

changingmale said:


> When my wife told me the marriage is over about a week later she said maybe can be friends with benefits and the other week said that again.


Part of her motivation (maybe subconsciously) is to keep you from getting into other relationships. You may think it means she wants to reconcile, but I don't think that's it. By giving you sex every now and then, she knows you're less likely to get into a relationship with someone else.

If you want to really tip over her apple cart, tell her that you feel being FWB would be disrespectful to the new relationships you'll be starting after the divorce is finalized.


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

badsanta said:


> From another thread...
> 
> 
> 
> ....my guess is that @changingmale enjoyed a marriage with a wife to have and to hold through good times and.... (for the bad times he left to go play golf or something like that while she was struggling with her health and probably home schooling kids all on her own).


I dont play golf. I did not know what to do i did try to comfort her some etc but thought she would need to be left alone. I was/am wrong and told her this. She did the home schooling bc i worked during the day and she had a degree in teaching


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

rv10flyer said:


> I always have to laugh now at the guys and gals who say, “My spouse does not have the time or energy for an affair. They have a low sex drive.” Please quit fooling yourself! It literally takes 10 minutes on the hood, in the backseat, in the woods, in the motel or in your bed per week for some strange on the side to satisfy those lustful desires. The rest can be done on the burner phones through sexting and texting hundreds of times per week.


I am very sure she would not have a affair. For a few months we had 1 auto running and she had it on Wed to take our child to therapy. Rest of the time i had the auto


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

wilson said:


> Part of her motivation (maybe subconsciously) is to keep you from getting into other relationships. You may think it means she wants to reconcile, but I don't think that's it. By giving you sex every now and then, she knows you're less likely to get into a relationship with someone else.
> 
> If you want to really tip over her apple cart, tell her that you feel being FWB would be disrespectful to the new relationships you'll be starting after the divorce is finalized.


This advice is good.

She may be conflicted, depressed and thinks getting away can clear her head.
Maybe, clear the decks for her to meet somebody else.

She is running away from her problems.

The problems? You and the marriage. 

Might someone be coaching her?



Lilith-


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Something came up for me. Isn't there something in the laws about not being actually disconnected from financial responsibilities, if you are still having sex, even if you don't live together? I wish I could remember. Sorry, but I thought it would be worth stating, so you might consider looking into the legal ramifications and not just the sex and emotional abuse you will go through.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

For starters: I'm feeling there may be important details missing.

How long were you married and how long did you behave in an unsuitable manner? What else did you do or not do? FWB not working because of drive time seems weird reason to me. I can think of lots of better reasons and it doesn't fit with her LD and move out.

You were withdrawn, but she thought more was going on. WHY did she think that? Did you have EA or PA? Pressure her for sex?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

FWBs do NOT work when emotions are involved. You are already emotionally compromised. Move on.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Don’t do it. Tell her, she wanted this separation, so now she is getting it. You were the one who said you had abandoned her during a difficult time. Have you guys got MC?


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> For starters: I'm feeling there may be important details missing.
> 
> How long were you married and how long did you behave in an unsuitable manner? What else did you do or not do? FWB not working because of drive time seems weird reason to me. I can think of lots of better reasons and it doesn't fit with her LD and move out.
> 
> You were withdrawn, but she thought more was going on. WHY did she think that? Did you have EA or PA? Pressure her for sex?


Married for 16 yrs. To me i was not with drawn i got a used truck first of the yr and was looking stuff up on line and watching you tube about ideas to do to the truck. I guess she thought i was spending too much time online and chatting but i just chat to her and a friend (male) mostly and sometimes 2 other and 1 is my brother. She is online a lot and reading books. I tried to talk to her but she was too busy bc of one of thse se was doing. When i would go out side i asked if she would like to go out with me she never did. Before the end she started walking some and i walked with her on the road at the house. What is EA and PA?


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

changingmale said:


> Married for 16 yrs. To me i was not with drawn i got a used truck first of the yr and was looking stuff up on line and watching you tube about ideas to do to the truck. I guess she thought i was spending too much time online and chatting but i just chat to her and a friend (male) mostly and sometimes 2 other and 1 is my brother. She is online a lot and reading books. I tried to talk to her but she was too busy bc of one of thse se was doing. When i would go out side i asked if she would like to go out with me she never did. Before the end she started walking some and i walked with her on the road at the house. What is EA and PA?


EA is emotional affair. PA is physical affair. There is a list of common abbreviations.


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> EA is emotional affair. PA is physical affair. There is a list of common abbreviations.


No neither for me and sure the same for her, She says she does not want a relationship and at this time no sex drive bc of the meds


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

AAMOF = as a matter of fact
AP = Affair Partner
ASAP = as soon as possible
ASAP = as soon as possible
b/c = because
BAK = back at keyboard
BBFN = bye bye for now
BBL = be back later
BBS = be back soon
BF = boyfriend or best friend
BFN = bye for now
BH = Betrayed Husband
BIL = brother-in-law
BK = back
BRB = be right back
BRBGGP = be right back gotta go potty
BS = Betrayed Spouse
BTDT = been there, done that
BTW = by the way
BW = Betrayed Wife
CRAFT = can't remember a fricking thing
CRS = can't remember stuff (or use your imagination for S)
CSA = Childhood Sexual Abuse
CU = see you
CUL8R = see you later
CWIM = see what I mean
CYA = see ya
DB = dear boyfriend
DC = dear child
DD = dear daughter
D-Day = divorce day -or- affair Discovery Day
DF = dear fiancée
DG = dear girlfriend
DH = dear husband
DS = dear son
DSD = dear stepdaughter
DSS = dear stepson
DW = dear wife
EA = emotional affair
exH = ex husband
exW = ex wife
FIL = father-in-law
FOO = Family of Origin
FTR = for the record
FWH = former wayward husbnd
FWIW = for what it's worth
FWW = former wayward wife
FYI = for your information
GF = girlfriend
GMTA = great minds think alike
GNO = Girls Night Out
GP = general practitioner
GTG = got to go
HD = High drive (sexual)
HTH = HTH hope this helps
IC = Individual counseling 
IDK = I don't know
IIRC = if I recall correctly
ILYNILWYA = "I love you, not in love with you anymore." 
IMHO = in my humble opinion
IMNSHO = in my not so humble opinion
IMO = in my opinion
J/J = just joking
J/K = just kidding
KISA = Knight in Shining Armor
KWIM = know what I mean
LD = low drive (sexual drive)
LMAO = laughing my ass off
LOL = laughing out loud
LOL = laughing out loud
LOLROF = laughing out load, rolling on floor
LTNS = long time no see
MC = Marriage Counselling
MC = marriage counseling
MIL = mother-in-law
MYOB = mind your own business
NC = No Contact 
NE = any
NMS = not my style
NMSAA = not my style at all
NP = no problem
OM = other man
OMG = oh my gosh
ONS = one night stand
OP = original poster
OSF = OSF Opposite Sex Friends
OT = off topic
OW = other woman
PA = physical affair
PIV = penis in vagina referring to "traditional" sex
PM = private message
POV = POV point of view
PP = previous poster
PUA = Pick Up Artist
QFT = Quoted for Truth
ROF = rolling on floor
ROFL = rolling on floor laughing
ROFLMAO = rolling on floor laughing my a** off
ROFLOL = rolling on floor laughing out loud
ROTF = rolling on the floor
SAHD = stay-at-home dad
SAHM = stay-at-home mom
SAHP = stay-at-home parent
SIL = sister-in-law
SNAFU = situation normal all fouled up
SO = significant other
SOL = sh** out of luck
SOS = same old stuff (or use you imagination)
STBX = soon to be ex
SWMBO = She Who Must Be Obeyed
TAM = Talk About Marriage
TIA = thanks in advance
T/J = thread jack
TMI = too much information
TOM = the other man
TOW = the other woman
TTFN = tata for now
TTYL = talk to you later
UR = your or you're
VAR = voice activated recorder
W/E = whatever
WAH = work at home
WAW = Walk Away Wife
WB = welcome back
WH = Wayward Husband
WOH = work out of the home
WS = Wayward Spouse
WTG = way to go
WW = Wayward Wife
YW = your welcome


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

changingmale said:


> No neither for me and sure the same for her, She says she does not want a relationship and at this time no sex drive bc of the meds


Is it possible for meds to be investigated for change? How long on meds to now? Will this last a lifetime? You realize others suspect affair. I'm just asking and answering...


----------



## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

I like how you’re totally sure about things she’s doing or not doing but you’re coming here for help... do yourself a huge favor and take the advice that is given here.!


----------



## Oceania (Jul 12, 2018)

Sunsetmist I am never going to remember where to find your post explaining all the abbreviations. Can we separate it out under a new heading / thread and call it 'Dictionary' or 'Abbreviations for Dummies'? Lol.. Thanks heaps!


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Read parts of ur other threads. Frustrating to gather bits and pieces. 

If meds are SSRI's, doctor may offer another choice. BUT, the problem is worse than this. Has she been depressed before? Lots must have gone on before she left. Sounds like she is anxious because she feels you are controlling and she doesn't trust you. Have you read any books or sought individual counseling for yourself? How much is porn involved?


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

CmonDionne said:


> Sunsetmist I am never going to remember where to find your post explaining all the abbreviations. Can we separate it out under a new heading / thread and call it 'Dictionary' or 'Abbreviations for Dummies'? Lol.. Thanks heaps!


Someone more technologically advanced than I could do this, but think there is already a list. Hope someone with more knowledge than I can point you in the correct direction. I couldn't even figure out how to make two columns...

Early on, I copied into Word and placed on my desktop for easy reference.

Meanwhile, you can subscribe to this thread (top of page under thread tools) and remember post # 29.... Sorry, I'm so lame about this. Think there is a sticky somewhere.


----------



## Oceania (Jul 12, 2018)

Thanks again Sunsetmist. End of t/j.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Changing male

You seem to have a few threads, might be better to have it all together for a more complete picture.

A few questions to fill the gaps

1. how old are you both?
2. How many kids, ages?
3. Why is she on meds? What for exactly?
4. You said earlier she had depression and you were not there for her? Is this true, how? why?
5. what are her specific complaints? Do you agree/disagree with them? Why or why not? You mentioned neglect/abandonment, that is a difficult one particularly for peri-menopausal women.
6. Couples/spouses do not ask for separation without some triggers, reasons, etc, what are they specifically?
7. Is she at home all the time home schooling, does she have any part time job?
8. Does she mix with any homeschooling group that includes male parents?
9. You are sure that she is not having an affair. Why are you so sure?
10. how much help do you give her around the home, with chores, groceries, kids extra curricular activities, etc? Does she do everything at home, including home schooling? How much of a break does she get from the home/house duties?
11. You mentioned your own hobbies, (car restoration), how much time/money do you invest in this. Does this take away from time/money for your wife/marriage? Has she brought this up?


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> Is it possible for meds to be investigated for change? How long on meds to now? Will this last a lifetime? You realize others suspect affair. I'm just asking and answering...


I say say will be on the meds for life. One is for her heart. Her mothers side have heart problems and depression. She has been on the meds i would say around 2 yrs. She has low self-esteem about her looks. When we had sex most of the time lights off and she had her night gown on. It could be a affair but i dont see it


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Location of rules: https://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/350914-posting-guidelines-forum-rules-2018-a.html

Thread with Abbreviations: https://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/464-common-message-board-abbreviations-acronyms.html


I hesitate to start new thread. These are for 2018 from @EleGirl.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

changingmale said:


> I say say will be on the meds for life. One is for her heart. Her mothers side have heart problems and depression. She has been on the meds i would say around 2 yrs. She has low self-esteem about her looks. When we had sex most of the time lights off and she had her night gown on. It could be a affair but i dont see it


I can see why you doubt affair. We are all different. For me, marriage without fulfillment, intimacy and connection can be a barren desert (was actually). Those who know no better OR can hope for no better in their circumstances exist where they are, whether or not by choice. Some manage to rise above the situation in/through several different ways.

Some folks sexual mores and experiences are governed by religious beliefs, family teaching or lack thereof, abuse, neglect, ignorance, pride, etc.

Sex therapy with a highly trained person can do wonders if folks are willing to exert the effort.

What have you been working on changing? Why? For how long? What/Why did you decide to do this?


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> I can see why you doubt affair. We are all different. For me, marriage without fulfillment, intimacy and connection can be a barren desert (was actually). Those who know no better OR can hope for no better in their circumstances exist where they are, whether or not by choice. Some manage to rise above the situation in/through several different ways.
> 
> Some folks sexual mores and experiences are governed by religious beliefs, family teaching or lack thereof, abuse, neglect, ignorance, pride, etc.
> 
> ...


I want to be a better father so when i have my kids i am planning to spend more time with them and listen etc. I am reading the bible and will become a better Christian going to church. I am planning on reading self help type books on marriage etc


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

changingmale said:


> There is no other guy. She does not have the time with her job training and the kids and she also home schools the kids. So her time is full and she more or less has said i killed her wanting to be in a relationship. *Then with her meds she has no sex drive right now*


So, how does this statement sync up with her wish for you to be a FWB?

I don't want to laugh about your other statement that she has no time to cheat. So I won't.

No offense, but you really need an eye-opener regarding this woman.

If it were me? I would be filing for divorce and formalizing the whole darn thing.

Find intimacy elsewhere. FWB with her would just lazy and degrading to you.

As for her? having you on tap as a Plan B.
Nope!


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

I am sure it will not happen. In away i wish it would so i can show her what she is missing. thanks


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lets think out side the box here.....

Lets say she will meet you in the middle? You drive 15 min. towards her and she drive 15 min towards you. You both agree to meet in the middle at some park or vacant lot.....a deserted road for car sex?

Again she made the offer lets see how far she will go! 

Ok... lets forget you guys even know each other....will she meet you half way at a cheap motel?


Let pretend you guys were never married and you push this FWB to the max and see how far will she go?


Aren't you curious to see how far your ex will go? Can you play the stranger...the guy who is not her husband who "demand" she meets you at the back alley with out her panties on? The guy who doesn't ask but "tells" her when and were?


Granted I'm wired different then most, so ya lets think out side the box and see what happens? Seriously step out side your comfort zone and see who you really married....just don't be that guy she married!


----------



## Teach (Aug 28, 2018)

rv10flyer said:


> I always have to laugh now at the guys and gals who say, “My spouse does not have the time or energy for an affair. They have a low sex drive.” Please quit fooling yourself! It literally takes 10 minutes on the hood, in the backseat, in the woods, in the motel or in your bed per week for some strange on the side to satisfy those lustful desires. The rest can be done on the burner phones through sexting and texting hundreds of times per week.


Or you can always send your wife and kids out of town and bring your other woman home to your wife’s bed, right Rv10flyer? Why not tell all your new friends the whole story? Why not tell how you made plenty of time for your other women but now are giving other people advice on how to catch cheating spouses?


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Teach said:


> rv10flyer said:
> 
> 
> > I always have to laugh now at the guys and gals who say, “My spouse does not have the time or energy for an affair. They have a low sex drive.” Please quit fooling yourself! It literally takes 10 minutes on the hood, in the backseat, in the woods, in the motel or in your bed per week for some strange on the side to satisfy those lustful desires. The rest can be done on the burner phones through sexting and texting hundreds of times per week.
> ...


Damn, is this spam or the twist in the movie you never see coming ... Wowser


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My thinking doesn't match up with others here. Often people come here thinking their spouse would never cheat and they find out they are wrong. From your explanation, I don't believe your wife is cheating (I know I could be wrong). I think that over the years you haven't been a great husband and she got fed up and left.

If I was in your shoes and I still loved my wife and I was genuinely trying to change to be a better father and husband, then I would try to spend as much time with my wife as she allowed. To prove myself to her. You say she doesn't want to spend time as a family but has mentioned the FWB thing. I would take her up on that. And whenever you are with your kids, plan things to do and invite her to tag along. 

The more time you can spend with her, the better chance you can earn her respect, trust and love.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Teach said:


> Or you can always send your wife and kids out of town and bring your other woman home to your wife’s bed, right Rv10flyer? Why not tell all your new friends the whole story? Why not tell how you made plenty of time for your other women but now are giving other people advice on how to catch cheating spouses?





stillfightingforus said:


> Damn, is this spam or the twist in the movie you never see coming ... Wowser


Sound like wify found out where he was posting. 

If that is true, who cheated first, because if @Teach did, and I am correct in my assumptions, then you got what you deserved. If you did not cheat first, then file for divorce already. 

Or it could be a nut job...


----------



## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Teach said:


> Or you can always send your wife and kids out of town and bring your other woman home to your wife’s bed, right Rv10flyer? Why not tell all your new friends the whole story? Why not tell how you made plenty of time for your other women but now are giving other people advice on how to catch cheating spouses?


Teach hun, 
you need to start your own thread. As for RV, let him answer as he will. Or he goes dark. But there is no need to seriously stalk and thread jack.


As for the FWB....she tells you she is LD while married to you, then she is now HD with FWB...Yup, sorry there is another man. And you should promptly say...Nope!


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

aine said:


> Changing male
> 
> You seem to have a few threads, might be better to have it all together for a more complete picture.
> 
> ...


We are mid 40's and 3 kids 14 12 10. Med is for depression,head hurts and heart dont know the name it is 2 meds. When she got the depression i did not know what to do so i gave her space. Yes i know that is wrong now and yes i can blame myself for that. Not sure if she has or starting etc of menopause i did send a message to her mother but she did not answer, I am sure she is not having a affair bc of her self confidence and her weight . I vac,took the trash out and to the dump,did the food shopping every week. She did the cooking and clothes until the past few months i did my clothes i hung them outside to dry to help on the power bill.on the truck i bought it and some money for tune up that is it, We lived week to week most of the time.No she never brought this up. Every week we went to her mothers for many hrs too long if ask me. We would spend 5 or more hrs and it took abut 1 hr drive. She is spending about 8 hrs there now if not more. I would like to stay home and do things around the house or family time but no. No she did not work but is training for a online job now


----------



## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

changingmale said:


> We are mid 40's and 3 kids 14 12 10. Med is for depression,head hurts and heart dont know the name it is 2 meds. When she got the depression i did not know what to do so i gave her space. Yes i know that is wrong now and yes i can blame myself for that. Not sure if she has or starting etc of menopause i did send a message to her mother but she did not answer, I am sure she is not having a affair bc of her self confidence and her weight . I vac,took the trash out and to the dump,did the food shopping every week. She did the cooking and clothes until the past few months i did my clothes i hung them outside to dry to help on the power bill.on the truck i bought it and some money for tune up that is it, We lived week to week most of the time.No she never brought this up.* Every week we went to her mothers for many hrs too long if ask me. We would spend 5 or more hrs and it took abut 1 hr drive. She is spending about 8 hrs there now if not more.* I would like to stay home and do things around the house or family time but no. No she did not work but is training for a online job now


Is there someone else in this town by her mom she is seeing? Find out.


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Is there someone else in this town by her mom she is seeing? Find out.


No there is not. She would not bring a guy over in front of the kids until she knew him well etc. She made a istake before me like that


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I think your wife is perimenopausal and starting to question the marriage, whether you love her etc. Your past treatment of her showed her perhaps you don’t.
She is spending more time at her moms to get away from home, and you. (Do you go to the moms?)
Doing the 180 etc is not going to work, it will drive her further away. Start working on yourself to become a better man, more attentive, loving etc. Show her that you can be there for her. I suspect the stress of little money does not help either.


----------

