# Young and in Sexless relationship



## Pahyow (Jul 7, 2012)

I'm 25 and my fiance is 28. We have a son that just turned 2. Since she had him we pretty much have had it maybe once a month if that sometimes. She has a Copper implant put in when she had our son and shes taking it out soon. 

She says that I'm not passionate towards her or about anything, I don't support her emotionally.I've went to counseling and then the doctor for depression.

It seems like I'm always turned down when I do try to start something. Either shes had a bad day, too tired, its too late, shes already confortable ect. When we lay down together she immediatly gets on her phone to play games until she is tired and rolls over to go to sleep.

Lately we have been going longer and longer w/o. 

I'm to the point now that I don't want to even bother anymore instead of getting turned down. A day or so later she will tell me she wanted to do it but she never has started anything. The only time we really ever fight is about this or not being there emotionally. Which I have changed.

I don't know what to do. When we first started dating we had fun and had sex a good bit now its dwindeling down to nothing.


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## il101 (Oct 23, 2012)

my wife and i went through the same thing when are first child was born. not going to the doctor, i'm pretty sure that she had a little depression after our son was born. trust me, it doesn't get any easier the longer this goes on. to this day, we still need to talk about our lack of sex life. i just posted a couple of hours ago about our lack of or little sex life. i don't know anyone who has a copper implant, but maybe this has something to do with it. i would ask the doctor.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Does your wife agree that you've changed?

C
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## mikeyb (Jul 8, 2012)

Lucky you're still young. Don't give up on her. She and (you both) may have problems that need to be addressed, but the longer you go without sex she becomes numb to it, and you'll be very resentful about it.

You need to talk and communicate... Resentment makes you separate yourself and become silent. But don't, If it goes on too long it just gets worse and harder to get back.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

The implant has affected my step-daugther, or so my fiancee has told me (step-daugther is 20 btw). So there is likely some merit to this. As well, virtually all birth controls impacts libido negatively. 

I'd continue to work on supporting her emotionally, but I'd also point out to her that sex is your own form of emotional support. If she doesn't believe that, invite her to research it, there's plenty of medical research studies that suppport this claim. Men get emotional needs met through sex, so offer her a mutual assistance; you meet her needs, she meet your needs.

I'd delay the wedding until the matter is resolved btw. If sex is once a month -and trending downward- prior to marriage, I'd hate to imagine how long you'd go without after the vows are exchanged.


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## Pahyow (Jul 7, 2012)

I think I'm to the point of resentment. unfortuantly. I've never communicated well or expressed my emoitions because of the way I was raised. I know that is a huge problem in our relationship and thats why I went to counseling. I still have problems communicating and it seems like every time I voice my opinion or feelings that we get into a fight. 

She agrees that I've changed a little bit. 

She got a list from a doctor about the implant and its everything that she does. Not wanting to be touched, break outs, hormones are all messed up. So I have hope that once she takes it out things will get better or be on thier way to getting better.

We have not set a date to get married. We got engauged while she was pregnant. She goes to college and we are waiting until after she graduates.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And do you guys still "date" each other?

C
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## Pahyow (Jul 7, 2012)

Not really. I work 40-50 hours a week. She goes to college 2 days and online classes the other 3 days. We have a very busy and stressful life for being such a young couple. We were together only 3 months before she got pregnant and we love each and are trying our best to make it work.

We occasoinally go out but randomly have baby sitters bc her family watches our son when she goes to school


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## mikeyb (Jul 8, 2012)

Pahyow said:


> I think I'm to the point of resentment. unfortuantly. I've never communicated well or expressed my emoitions because of the way I was raised. I know that is a huge problem in our relationship and thats why I went to counseling. I still have problems communicating and it seems like every time I voice my opinion or feelings that we get into a fight.


I know it's not easy to communicate when you don't know how. I'm very similar to you as i grew up not knowing how to communicate, express emotions, and "connect" with people emotionally.

I'm mid forties now and after years of building resentment, seldom sex, and becoming more distant from her i finally told her i had had enough.

We had a huge emotional talk and everything was put on the table by both of us. It wasn't easy but it's EXACTLY what we needed.

Learn now in forums like this. Ask advise. These people are here to help. We've been through it. Don't go through years in a bad relationship.

I wish I had found a forum like this a long time ago but i (we) put up with it for years.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If she wants to see passion, then show her passion. Tell her you aren't willing to be in a sexless relationship and that you're thinking about leaving. Put the wedding on hold. Not just in your head, but actually tell her that you can't marry a woman who doesn't want you sexually. If that wakes her up, then great. If it pushes her away or turns her off, fine. Either way you'll be better off.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Vitamin D and B-complex are very helpful for depression. You can look these up. Also her iron could be checked by her MD as well as her thyroid. 
Have you asked her to list 3 sexual fantasies that she may have? It would be interesting to hear if she has any.


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## Pahyow (Jul 7, 2012)

I've already asked her about any fantasies she might have and she says she doesn't. 

How does one show passion? I have an idea of what I think it is but I dont know if its right. 

For the record we dont have a date for a wedding we both agree on solving our problems before we go any futher.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

mikeyb said:


> Lucky you're still young. Don't give up on her. She and (you both) may have problems that need to be addressed, but the longer you go without sex she becomes numb to it, and you'll be very resentful about it.
> 
> You need to talk and communicate... Resentment makes you separate yourself and become silent. But don't, If it goes on too long it just gets worse and harder to get back.


:iagree:








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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Man same boat but our son is 3 and we're already married. If I were you and its like this already, I wouldnt put a ring on it. She's already showing you how she's going to be before she even becomes your Mrs. It will only get worst, believe me. If its not what you want now its not going to change for the better after you get married. All you can do is address but as they say, never let your right hand know what your left hand is doing. I wouldn't mention that you'd leave her for it, nobody wants to be dispoable. Id definitely tell her that getting married can wait until the issue is resolved. Otherwise other resources can be utilized like counseling. I wouldn't be so quick to give up on her. Just try everything possible and if the only conclusion is that's she's not willing to compromise or make an everlasting effort to fulfill your needs to, let it go.
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