# I have a crush on my online friend and she has expressed similar feelings. What should I do?



## LoganN (Apr 15, 2021)

I [M19] think I have a crush on my friend I met online [F22] and she’s expressed she had mutual feelings 

In January I met a girl over a discord/Snap chat game who lives about an hour away from me. I knew she was a pretty girl but I just didn’t have an attraction to her at all early on. During the game I would stay up till 3 in the morning talking with her and 2 of my other friends I met in the game. We all became really close but then even after the game we would sit in calls on discord with other members in the community pretty much all night and still do 

But I was especially becoming closer and closer with this girl and she still snaps me everyday and we’ve been each other’s best friends on Snap chat for over 2 months now. It was becoming a very good friendship. 

So one day about a month ago during one of the discord calls one of her friends who she had known for a few years had jokingly mentioned she had a secret from the game we played in January and the girl would get super defensive over it and was really adamant about nobody knowing about this. I texted her kinda poking fun I was like you should tell me what the secret is and she said no at first but I kept just saying it wasn’t a big deal and she said she would think about it.

She was very reluctant to tell me but she ended up telling me after everyone got off the call for the night. She said she thought I was pretty attractive and talked about it with her other friend while the game was going on and it bothered her because she had a boyfriend that she was taking a break from at the time but they weren't seeing anyone else. She ended it by saying she hoped things aren't awkward between the 2 of us now

As I’m reading this I was completely shocked and I honestly didn’t know what to say immediately so I just said thanks and it means a lot that you told me this. I woke up the next morning and realized I shouldn't have been so surprised. Like I said before we did text everyday and were each others best friends on snap chat for over 2 months now and whenever some of the guys in the call would joke around and say who they thought was attractive during the season she would get a little jealous and even more jealous if I ever said anything

But it kinda made my day when she texted me this and I let her know that the next night and she claimed that she could say something else but it would make it more a awkward between us. Right away I was just playing it cool and saying don’t tell but for about a month it was kinda eating at me what it was

But ever since that day I’ve been feeling a deeper connection for her and I really want to meet her in person. It’s gotten to the point to when if I see a picture with her and her boyfriend I get jealous myself. A few people from the community are going to a trip a few hours away from me and she is begging me to go on this trip and I said definitely no at first but I am becoming more open to the idea.


So last night I decided to just ask her straight up and I told her that the thing I didn’t want to know before because it would make it really awkward, I’m curious and now I wanna know. She asked me to not tell anyone and then she told me 

She said that mentioning I was attractive before was awkward for her because she had a bf before and still does but he’s being a real **** and it’s getting progressively worse so she feels less bad saying it now. But she still didn’t want to tell me before that it was more than just physical stuff that she liked me. I realized this was my opportunity and I told her well to be honest I kinda felt the same way, I just never told anyone. She seemed surprised but not too surprised. She said her friend thought it was super obvious between us and she was surprised I didn’t realize earlier. I said I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything so that probably why I didn’t pick up on anything 

It went pretty well for the most part I would say. I’ve only known her for 3 months so I hope that I didn’t miss my opportunity and she had feelings for me and now she lost them. Neither of us said that these feelings were still around but we both didn’t deny it either so I don’t really know. 

My mind was racing last night and I could barely get any sleep. What do you guys think I should do?

If you read all of that thank so much I've never had a gf before so any advice helps


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

A crush on a girl you’ve only known through your computer screen. Do you actually interact with her through video or is it strictly just text? 

At 19 you should try your best to get out there in the real world. There’s a group out there for every interest.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

First, find out if she STILL has the BF or broke up with him. Second if the FORMER, then tell her that's a shame, we just have to stay friends.
If the latter, ask her to meet and go do something together (i.e. a DATE).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> First, find out if she STILL has the BF or broke up with him. Second if the FORMER, then tell her that's a shame, we just have to stay friends.
> If the latter, ask her to meet and go do something together (i.e. a DATE).


Agreed. Right now she is in a relationship. If she ends it then you could agree to meet half way for a date. Until you spend time together in person it's hard to get to know them.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Go on the trip. Stop at the 7-11 on the way there and pick up a pack of Trojans and “hey Mister” a 12 pack of Natty Ice just in case.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If she's still in the relationship with her bf, then don't go meet her in person. You could let her know that you would be interested in meeting her if she was single.

Also, keep in mind that very often, that when two people have an online attraction to each other, it often does not work out in real life. I've seen this happen with friends of mine. It's very common.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

As a many time veteran of OL to RL relationships, I will tell you that anything that happens this quick, doesn't often work. Can't say it never does, but rarely. I've seen more success if there has been at least one year of OL and LD interaction. And that's remained consistent whether cyber-sex/sexting has occurred or not. Mind you, that is my experience and that of people I know, and not based upon any structured study. Take it for what it's worth.

That said, unless you know that the BF is open/poly (unlikely from your words) OR that she has absolutely separated from him, don't get physically involved. A trip with others where you two don't have a chance to be alone, should be a good way to meet and see if things could go forward. Don't put your hopes up, but don't go in hopeless either. You might get a close friend instead of a lover/mate.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Lets get a few general concepts out of the way here first and then get down to your specific situation. 

First off, young men today have been feminized and made to fear their own shadows and afraid to be thought of as insensitive or fear the 'Me Too" movement and fear rejection and have little tolerance for risk or imperfection. Young men have been told that they need to sit still, be quiet, pay attention to boring crap and not to do or say anything that might make someone somewhere the least bit uncomfortable. 

Young men have also been taught to believe women are superior to them and put them on pedastals and cowtow to them. 

Young men have been raised to believe they are fragile and that any pain, discomfort, embarassment or inconvenience will permanently traumatise them and damage them and prevent them from ever achieving any kind of success or happiness. 

That's what has happened with the boys over the last few decades. Here's a few things about the girls. 

Pretty young women in the 18-25 year old range are never completely single. They are either dating someone, hooking up with someone whether it be FWB, FB or someone they are seeing or in some kind of relationship with. Any girl between 18-25 that is under 200lbs and the least bit pleasing to the eye will have a group of orbiters all buzzing around her like horseflies telling her how cute and how great she is and all of them are hoping to score with her. 

However, that has given young women a very false sense of their own worth and status. A pretty girl can literally have multiple dozens of guys or even hundreds from all across the country telling her how great she is and what they can do for her on a wide variety of social media platforms and dating apps etc etc. So about every young woman thinks that she is going to marry some rich, handsome billionaire and live in a castle and spend her free time on yachts in the mediterranean and in every spa in Italy. 

HOWEVER, few of them will or even can, put rubber to the pavement and actually stand and deliver in person in the real world. 

Girls will also say that they have a BF to most of their orbiters in an effort to keep most of them at bay as well as to screen out those who are serious or have the giblets to actually interact with them and show them what they're made of. 

In other words, she may say she has a BF but the reality is it's just some guy she had dated a few times in the last couple weeks or some jock that is laying the lumber to her now and then but otherwise doesn't give her the time of day. 

But here's the thing, even if she is dating someone, she will drop him in a hot minute the moment some other guy comes along that she believes is a Bigger, Better, Deal (BBD). 

Young women will also often use the term "taking a break" when they think someone has the potential to be a BBD but they are not going to let go of one branch until they reasonably believe the other branch is the BBD. Now the other guy probably has no clue that they are "taking a break" and he probably thinks his position is secure. ...... but it isn't. 

So the fact that she told you they were "taking a break" means that on that particular day, she thought you may have some potential. But it is always a small window of opportunity that closes fast because every pretty girl has a cloud of orbiters buzzing around here jockeying for position and if you were last Tuesday's potential, your window has closed by today. 

So here is my recommendations -

-Remember that throughout history 19 year old men have jumped out of airplanes behind enemy lines in the middle of the night, have stormed beaches under a hail of machine gun and artilery fire, have flushed determined enemy fighters out of concrete bunkers with flame throwers and have sat silently in submarines while depth charges have gone off all around. 

Would they be afraid to get a little dressed up, put gas in the car and drive an hour to meet a pretty girl and ask her to have some appetizers at Applebee's and maybe a stroll through the park to get to know each other in person a little????

Don't be a pu$$y. Do the work. Put the rubber on the pavement and show up in real life. Take the risk. Take the chance. 
If the dude she is SUPPOSEDLY seeing shows up and wants to fight, If she's hot and looks like she'll be DTF, then roll up your sleeves and say game on!! If she's actually fat and looks like she couldn't care less about you, then say 'my bad' and walk away and tell your friends you rolled up your sleeves and that he backed down but then you decided she wasn't worth it. 

Either way, pull yourself away from the Xbox and get out and take risks, take your lumps, get scuffed up and dirty and make things happen. 

If you put yourself out there and it's a total flop or even a total disaster and you get your azz kicked and you wreck your daddy's car, then you'll have a great story to tell and in 30 years you'll be telling the next generation of spineless jellyfish that live in fishbowls locked in safe rooms to get a life. 

If you get Gonorrhea, that's an even better story. 

Bottom line is be a man, do things in real, take risks, make things happen and above all else don't let fear and feminization dictate your life or determine your destiny.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Oldshirt’s advice is pretty good, mine was basically the TL;DR condensed version. Even hey mistering the cheap beer serves a purpose, you can substitute a fake id but I’m guessing if you’re writing this question here you don’t have one.

Have confidence and try it.

Her BF situation sounds wishy washy at best. If the guy isn’t on the trip with her then take your shot champ!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You can rub one out a hundred ways from Friday thinking about a girl on a screen or you can meet her in real life and understand those two things are completely different.
My view is online relationships are for those who don’t have the guts to do it for real.
Either get some guts or just keep rubbing them out online.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

You've been her emotional tampon while she's been getting plowed by other guys. That's it. I know it's not what you want to hear but you're basically her gay friend in the sense that she'll never sleep with you.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Al_Bundy said:


> You've been her emotional tampon while she's been getting plowed by other guys. That's it. I know it's not what you want to hear but you're basically her gay friend in the sense that she'll never sleep with you.


She’ll never sleep with you as long as you are hiding behind a computer screen. 

The guys that plow her are the ones that show up in real life and actually interact with her on an personal level in real life. 

Be the real life guy, not a keyboard warrior in the virtual world.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> You can rub one out a hundred ways from Friday thinking about a girl on a screen or you can meet her in real life and understand those two things are completely different.
> My view is online relationships are for those who don’t have the guts to do it for real.
> Either get some guts or just keep rubbing them out online.


Spanking to porn is sitting alone in the dark watching the actual sexy and adventurous people have sex. 

It’s like the physics club sitting against the wall in the gym watching the jocks and cheerleaders dance.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

@LoganN 

I want to point something real important out to you about this thread that you can apply in many ways about dating, relationships, sexuality etc. 

Look at the advice women are giving you (online relationships don’t work out- which is true if you don’t take it to the real world, don’t pursue her if she has a BF, don’t risk rejection or getting hurt etc) 

Then look at the recommendations of the men (do the work, take the risks, don’t be a pu$$y, risk rejection and getting hurt or disappointment etc)

Now ask yourself, who has had sex with more women??? 

Have I been rejected?? Yes, probably 100s of times. 

Have I been disappointed? Countless times.

Have I had my heartbroken? Yes.

Have I wrecked cars? 3

Have I been in fights/confrontations with BFs ? Yes.

Have I contracted an STI/STD? No, but not for lack of trying. 

Have I survived all of the above? Here I am, you tell me.

Have I lived a full life, loved much, been in the company of beautiful, sexy women, been married to a beautiful woman and raised a family? Oh Buddy, the stories I could tell!!!

You can play it safe. You can avoid pain and heartache and HPV. You can spank to the actual sexy people having real sex in porn and never have to leave your room. 

Or you can risk rejection, risk getting your azz whupped, risk syphilis, risk wrecking your daddy’s car and actually connect with a real girl in the physical world.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> @LoganN
> 
> I want to point something real important out to you about this thread that you can apply in many ways about dating, relationships, sexuality etc.
> 
> ...


I want to clarify and qualify this a little further as I kinda got myself sidetracked. 

I do not mean to imply that the women posters on this thread are wrong or incorrect in any way. In fact, they are quite accurate in number of ways. 

If you pursue this gal, you do risk upsetting another guy if he is dating her and wants her. He may be angry enough and possessive enough to confront and possibly even fight you. If he's a psychopath, he may harm you seriously or even kill you. Remote chance but it obviously occurs. 

You may put her in an uncomfortable and upsetting position if she does feel somewhat committed to him but now feels a strong attraction to you. If she is attracted enough to hook up with you while dating him, she may get judged harshly by him and his friends and she may get $lut shamed. 

Or she may completely reject you and you will feel disappointed and hurt. Your self-esteem may take a hit (gasp!) 

Even if you meet her, hit it off and a good time is had by all, the women are correct in that the vast majority of distance online relationships do not result in a Disney Movie ending with you two riding off into the sunset forever and ever. You may hit it off temporarily but not last the test of time and not sip lemonade together on the porch when you are 85. It is a very very high likelihood that the relationship will not last into your elderly years. 

So the women are correct and their input should be headed with it's full due diligence. 

However my point here in my little novel is as a young adult male, you need to take in perspective and input from both the male and female POV, the yin and the yan. That's why we have males and females, so as to have some form of cosmic balance in the world. 

You need to decide, are you willing to take some risks for some real world gain? Or is the risk not worth the gain to you?

Do you want to play it safe and keep it in a fantasy world and spank to porn alone in the dark and avoid any unpleasantries and discomforts? Or do you want a real interaction, with a real woman, in the real world and are willing to assume some of the risks and unpleasantries that may be associated with that?

You are a young man in the world and men have to weigh the risks vs benefits and make their own decisions and their own plans of attack and do the work to make it happen or not happen.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> If she's still in the relationship with her bf, then don't go meet her in person. You could let her know that you would be interested in meeting her if she was single.
> 
> Also, keep in mind that very often, that when two people have an online attraction to each other, it often does not work out in real life. I've seen this happen with friends of mine. It's very common.


I agree with keeping low expectations. As far as her having a boyfriend, I don't know late teens early twenties I say, May the best man win.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

[QUOTE


EleGirl said:


> If she's still in the relationship with her bf, then don't go meet her in person. You could let her know that you would be interested in meeting her if she was single.


I want to address this a little more specifically. 

I followed this advice religiously until I finally learned a life lesson in my upper 20s. If a girl was dating someone or hooking up with someone or going steady or even mentioned a BF/seeing someone if I was talking to her, I immediately excused myself and exited stage left. 

What did it get me? Celibacy and countless saturday night dates with Rosey (we didn't even have internet porn at the time)

The reality is that all pretty girls have various forms of BFs, guys they are dating, FWBs etc etc at all times. No young, pretty girl is ever completely free and single. They all have a swarm of orbiters buzzing around them like a bunch of horseflies. 

Now in her mind she may or may not consider herself committed. But even if she has agreed to some form of exclusivity with some guy, that agreement is only valid until a better guy (in her eyes) comes along. 

A woman's next guy is almost always the guy that showed up and showed her who he was and what he was all about and took his shot while she was with the previous guy. 

If a guy were to patiently wait for her to be completely free and single with no entanglements whatsoever, he's going to spend his life waiting and watching other guys get the girl. I've been there, done that and have a whole dresser full of the t-shirts. 

Now I'm going to be honest, I have had my offers rejected and I have been completely stiff-armed and told in no uncertain terms that she was with someone else and was not going to take me up on it. 

But quite a few of those very people later showed up on my doorstep or were booty calling me in the middle of the night when the cracks in the foundation of their previous relationships started showing up or even if she just got curious and decided to give me a tryout after thinking about for awhile. 

And yes, I've had pi$$ed off BFs show up at my door as well. Some times she goes with the winner of the fight. But some times she also goes for the one that shows he's willing to stand up and fight and get his arse kicked in the process. 

As @happyhusband0005 said above, may the better man win and the better man is the one in her eyes. 

If I could go through some kind of wormhole or timewarp and give Youngshirt a message 40 years ago, it would be take the chance. Take the risks. Take the beatings, but most of all, take your best shot EVEN IF she is seeing someone or dating someone or whatever. 

When you sit on the bleachers waiting, you are not in the game. When you get in the game, you will get scuffed up and dirty and have a few bumps and bruises. 

Mother Nature does not want scared, weak, passive males without initiative to breed and she has put in many safeguards to make sure they don't. One of those safeguards is that the guys that are willing and able to take their shot while another male is doing his dance are the ones that get the girl. The ones that sit back and wait, don't.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> . You could let her know that you would be interested in meeting her if she was single.


Oh and one more thing.... 

She already KNOWS he's interested. She already knows he wants in her knickers. She ain't dumb. As Chris Rock said in one of his routines, she's know every guy that has spoken to her since she was 13 years old wants to ......... well you get the point. 

What she wants to know is does he have the initiative and the giblets and spirit to actually do something about it and at least try to make it happen. 

Saying he would be interested if she was single isn't good enough. ALL guys are interested. But she has no interest in being single (I'm using single as meaning no male interaction or engagement at all) so saying he would be interested in if she were single is a hollow and meaningless statement. 

She wants to know if he is interested NOW and if he has the initiative and balls to do something about it now. 

She may still say no. that's her perogative. 

But if he shows up face to face and makes her a valid offer and is wiling to face the wrath of her supposed BF, she at least knows he is serious and balls between his legs. 

She may say no today, but at some point her current guy is going to disappoint her or make her mad or just not live up to his promises and at that Mr Logan may be at the top of her "next" list.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Also, keep in mind that very often, that when two people have an online attraction to each other, it often does not work out in real life. I've seen this happen with friends of mine. It's very common.


Now to keep it fair and balanced and so it doesn't seem that I am picking on EleGirl, this above is reality. The chances of him riding off into the sunset forever and ever with this particular at this particular time in his life is incredibly small. 

But do we only sit in the dugout and only come to bat when the bases are loaded and only swing at the pitch we know we can hit out of the ballpark??

I certainly hope not. 

At 19 he should absolutely NOT be looking for a permanent mate in the first place. That thought shouldn't even be on his mind. 

He should be getting out and living life and meeting people and doing new things including driving an hour to meet and getting to know girls and going on dates. 

At 19 Live life and obtain life experiences. then keeping doing that until you die.


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