# A Platonamous Marriage



## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Monogamy: the practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time. 

It’s such a simple concept. The marriage covenant involves a promise of monogamy; a promise by both spouses that they will have a monogamous relationship “till death do us part.” Monogamy is, by definition, about sex. When you hear the phrase “he broke his wedding vows” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? That he had sex with someone other than his wife; that he broke his vow of monogamy.

But, what of the spouse that decides they no longer want to have sex with their marriage partner? Are they maintaining their marriage vows? No, they aren't. The vow of monogamy is, by definition, a vow of an exclusive sexual relationship. Call a sexless marriage what you will, but it is not a monogamous marriage.

The closest word is platonic, but there is nothing exclusive about that. People can have platonic relationships with multiple people. Rarely does someone feel cheated on, because their platonic friend struck up a platonic relationship with someone else. So, I've done a little word-smithing and created two new words.

1) *Platonamy* (noun): an exclusive relationship between two people that does not involve sex; the practice of maintaining a marriage and not engaging in sex.

2) *Platonamous* (adj): to practice or advocate platonamy; of or pertaining to platonamy; (used of relationships and individuals) “we went from a monogamous marriage to a platonamous marriage.”

Words matter. We have to quit accepting the fiction that a sexless marriage is a monogamous relationship. It isn't. Nor should we tolerate the claim by the spouse insisting on a sexless marriage that they are keeping their marriage vow to maintain a monogamous relationship. They aren't. If there’s no sex involved, it is not monogamy; and if it’s not a monogamous marriage, they aren't keeping their vow.

Thoughts?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm on the same page as you. Mono means one. Not zero. A spouse who withholds is cheating.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm on the same page as you. Mono means one. Not zero. A spouse who withholds is cheating.


:iagree: 

Finally.Someone said what I've been too wimpy to say. Thank you.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Blue Firefly said:


> platonamous marriage.”
> 
> Words matter. We have to quit accepting the fiction that a sexless marriage is a monogamous relationship. It isn't. Nor should we tolerate the claim by the spouse insisting on a sexless marriage that they are keeping their marriage vow to maintain a monogamous relationship. They aren't. If there’s no sex involved, it is not monogamy; and if it’s not a monogamous marriage, they aren't keeping their vow.
> 
> Thoughts?


"
Platonamous Marriage.":rofl:
Words , words , words..

I agree with the sentiments of this post and I endorse it fully.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> "
> Platonamous Marriage.":rofl:
> Words , words , words..
> 
> I agree with the sentiments of this post and I endorse it fully.


Laughter is a powerful tool. And, we should be laughing at people that insist they have a sexless, monogamous marriage.

I suppose it just irks me to see someone withdraw from marital sex and then act as if they are being true to their marriage vows. I felt it needed to be called out for what it is: something besides monogamy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

First off, I'm a WS. So obviously, my opinion may be a bit biased. But I feel that yes, when my wife unilaterally decided to shut down the intimacy in our marriage, she broke our wedding vows. 

But... Just like she had a choice to stay in the marriage or shut down intimacy, I had a choice to cheat or stay in the marriage. Neither of us chose wisely, and both chose to act without discussing or considering the impact on our partner. And as the saying goes, two wrongs do not make a right. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, an expression I've seen in here before (and said myself)...

I vowed monogamy, not celibacy.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Luckily, I'm not in the type of relationship that you describe. But I agree with your concept whole heartedly.

:iagree::iagree:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Blue Firefly said:


> Laughter is a powerful tool. And, we should be laughing at people that insist they have a sexless, monogamous marriage.
> 
> I suppose it just irks me to see someone withdraw from marital sex and then act as if they are being true to their marriage vows. I felt it needed to be called out for what it is: something besides monogamy.


Exactly,
I agree with you totally!
I personally feel that during dating , depending upon a couple's moral beliefs etc, the no sex rule could be negotiated , and applied. That's the time for it.
But after marriage?
No way!

Funny thing is I've even seen posts right here on TAM , where people say that husbands should expect their wives to loose interest in sex after a few years.:scratchhead: , that basically it was " normal ."


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Funny thing is I've even seen posts right here on TAM , where people say that husbands should expect their wives to loose interest in sex after a few years.:scratchhead: , that basically it was " normal ."


If that is normal,I'm glad I'm a strange one.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Platypusnamous


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> Platypusnamous


that should be pus no mas...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A distinction w/o a difference. Like nuns who can't marry and priests who can't have sex.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I love your work here OP, well done.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

PBear said:


> Btw, an expression I've seen in here before (and said myself)...
> 
> I vowed monogamy, not celibacy.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My stbxw used to use sex as a weapon often. I used these exact words often during my marriage.


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Platypusnamous


thank-you! i thought i was the only one who keeps reading that as 'platypus'!


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

It should definitely be in next years edition of Webster's or whatever people use as a dictionary these days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

OrangeCrush said:


> thank-you! i thought i was the only one who keeps reading that as 'platypus'!


If anyone can think up a better version of the word, I'm open to it. 

This was the best combo of platonic and the suffix amous I could come up with.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> Platypusnamous


Maybe we should adopt the platypus as the mascot of a platonamous marriage?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Blue Firefly said:


> Maybe we should adopt the platypus as the mascot of a platonamous marriage?


You can try, but it's already the unofficial mascot of NORML, though they might not know it. As in, the platypus is proof that god partakes (old Robin Williams skit).


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Blue Firefly said:


> Monogamy: the practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.


I agree completely with the greater thought, but question the etymology a little bit. 

"Monogamous" comes to us by descent through French, Latin and Ancient Greek in that order.

The Greek word is formed by fusing, μονός (_Monos_ = One) and γάμος (_Gamos_ = Marriage). Words sharing the same stem as _gamos_ are γαμέτης (Husband) and γαμετή (Wife)

We could make a good argument that an exclusive sexual union is subsumed in the concept of marriage to one person, but I think "sexual monogamy" is a little more specific than "monogamy" by itself.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

How about just calling it cruelty?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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