# need some advice , someone help me plz



## youngNmarried (Aug 22, 2009)

i'm 19 years old and i got married last year , i've known my husband since the third grade and we just recently got married last year . when we started dating , we started off as friends asking each other questions and things like that and now i'm realizing that my answers are affecting me now , i wasn't all that great of a person when i was single , i was being a tipical teenager having fun and partying all that good stuff but when it came down to this one question , its haunting me now . he asked me if i ever had a 3some and i answered yes , i wasn't going to lie but maybe i should have so now when we have really bad arguements he calls me all these name like u ***** , your a **** and all that but we get over it .. the only thing about it now is that he wants a threesome he says he cant stand to think about it and its not fair he my husband and he should have that privilige.... so now i'm searching for another female and i'm so confused i don't know what to do , i'm afraid that if that goes down he'll leave me for her or something of that sort ..... but idk .... i love him dearly and i know he loves me too i see it , i feel it but when ever that topic comes up everything goes haywire i dont know wat to do .. 


any advice


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## ladycar (Jul 24, 2009)

Don't do it! If he truly loves you he want make u feel like u have to give in to him. My hubby when we first got together asked me for a 3some I told him that I didn't do that anymore and I didn't feel right sharing him with another women when he saw how this hurt me he never asked again.


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## youngNmarried (Aug 22, 2009)

ladycar said:


> Don't do it! If he truly loves you he want make u feel like u have to give in to him. My hubby when we first got together asked me for a 3some I told him that I didn't do that anymore and I didn't feel right sharing him with another women when he saw how this hurt me he never asked again.



you know whats funny , the same thing happened to me , but here and then i catch him on craigslist or watching porn about 3somes , i cried to him explaining why i didn't want to have it , telling him that i didn't want to share him , we're married and he's supposed to be only mine but he doesn't see it that way , he says if we truely love eahc other like we say we do its gonna bring us closer because we can give each other to someone else and not look at each other any different , i'm not gonna lie i used to be into girls and stuff like that but ever since i got with him things changed , i feel like a totally different person.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sounds like the issues are about sex, not love.

Men who love their wives and want to be married to them and have good relationships generally do not ask them to find other sex partners to bring into the bedroom. Not only for disease reasons, but many others.
Perhaps, you should start now in letting him know when you don't want to do something rather than wait 20 years.


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## youngNmarried (Aug 22, 2009)

i dont think it s about sex , he says i scared him for telling him wat i used to do , and that he feels i owe it to him something like that , but like right now everything is fine..... we haven't argued in a little while . i mean we have sex everyday


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

oh.... so he isn't asking for you to get into thressomes or have sex with other men.
?
or implying you do?


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## youngNmarried (Aug 22, 2009)

preso said:


> oh.... so he isn't asking for you to get into thressomes or have sex with other men.
> ?
> or implying you do?


 what he's saying is that he wants a 3some with another female


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

preso said:


> Sounds like the issues are about sex, not love.
> 
> Men who love their wives and want to be married to them and have good relationships generally do not ask them to find other sex partners to bring into the bedroom. Not only for disease reasons, but many others.
> Perhaps, you should start now in letting him know when you don't want to do something rather than wait 20 years.



then I stand with my previous comment above.


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## youngNmarried (Aug 22, 2009)

i guess your right ... but i'd still like to hear othe opinions


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Tell him no. You cannot do what you do not want to do--it would be terrible for you and your marriage.

He is being unfair with the information HE asked you to give him. You do not "owe" him anything--when married, you need to give out of love, not "indebtedness." 

He sounds immature, bringing this up during arguments. Refuse to let it work--he is playing on your feelings of shame and guilt, and you do not need to feel shame or guilt over something you did while single. Practice saying something over and over, and then keep saying it to him until he stops bringing it up, or whenever he brings it up down the road, something like, "No. I don't do that now, and I refuse to be pressured into something I do not want to do. . . I refuse to feel shame or guilt over something I did when I was single." Do not get into a discussion about it--you do NOT want to, now, and that's all. 

It is always a mistake to let yourself be pressured into a sexual activity you do not want to do. It is extremely wrong of him to keep harping on it. Get counseling for the two of you if he won't stop, b/c I guarantee he needs to learn something about being married and you probably both can learn some help with healthy communication and respecting boundaries within marriage. Best of luck!


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

My wife and I had this issue when we were younger. I think my wife is curious.. I would have loved to try but we both know the damages that can come from it. Even up to a few months ago my wife talked about her being with another women.. She is very curious. In fact our ride home from the MC she said why do you feel guys only want one thing from her. She said that comment really hurts. I said its cause of 2 things. First any man getting involved with a married women is not looking for anything but that. I said 2 I don't want another man in you and its a defensive response. A litle later she said but its ok for you to go in another women with a 3 some. I said no it isn't and I only want to be in her. I am guessing this is a deep down issue. As you can see it can have lasting effects even if you don't do it.


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## momof399 (Aug 28, 2009)

wow. you don't owe him anything. if he didn't do it before he got married that isn't your fault it is his. and what you did before him has nothing to do with your relationship with him now. it does sound like it is about sex and not love though. because if he loves you he would be happy with just you for sex, and not having to have another. as well as the fact that if it is about love for him, is he planning on loving her as well? and sharing him with another woman is crazy, when you got married that ment you didn't have to share him like that with anyone ever again.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Don't do it!!! It will destroy your marriage for sure. It will change your future for sure. It sounds to me like he is making excuses to experiment in sex. As the other poster said, he sounds immature. Don't give him that option, you don't owe him anything with repect to what he is asking; he should have thought about those things before he married you. If he really is having serious issues with the fact that you did things he has not done, he will need to learn to deal with them in an sensible manner - what he is asking for is not healthy for your marriage.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I don't see anything good happening with this act.

1) It plays with the relationship. Which one of you may get attached to this kind of action and want it on a regular basis? Feelings get involved whether you like it or not. What if he pays more attention to the OW?

2) It doesn't sound like something you want to do again? You will be doing it to even the score for him. Does that sound like a mature relationship?


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## youngNmarried (Aug 22, 2009)

thnx to you guys for the advice and the pat on the back thats what is feels like .... you all make sense and i appreciate you guys going out your way to help me out with this situation


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