# Update cheater still mad!



## Overdone (Jun 26, 2013)

Ok it's been awhile but wanted to give all an update. Wife cheated one time and had a flirty affair for 3+ months..


She is moved out, we have separation agreement all done and legal. Just waiting it out to get divorce. She wants the marriage back but continues to blame me for so many things. She does not work and I am having to pay for her place/car/alimony ext. I feel sorry for the whole deal, we have one child together and she seems to be doing good with it all but I really miss seeing her everyday (my child)! I live down the road and soon will be able to spend more time with her. So my question is how does the STBEX want the marriage back if she is doing so many things that push me away more? She does not respect all the things I do, she is spoiled. She cheated on me when our relationship was going great so I feel uncomfortable around her. I think I would have gave it another shot (I tried for 6 months but the fact of her cheating tore me apart) if she was nice all the time. Could it be the guilt of her ruining everything to keep digging a deeper hole? She's mad at me for not coming home and keeps doing things to keep it that way. I do still love her but wow this life is tuff, I wish none of us were here talking about infidelity. Boo


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Just keep walking away. You are almost home free.

No remorse, no reconciliation.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

She wants the marriage back because she knows she'll have to make sacrifices that she doesn't want to make it the divorce goes through. Like get a job. 

Until she's down on her knees, sobbing, snot-bubbles, the whole 9 yards of remorseful, you shouldn't even consider it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

Move on. Trying to salvage the marriage would only make the divorce worse. She's unremorseful. She'll not get it now, maybe never. What your kid needs is at least one emotionally stable parent. Be that parent. Heal yourself and become an awesome father. Don't bother with your wife. You can't cure her.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Overdone said:


> Update cheater still mad!


And why the hell would you even care? You should still be fuming that she is so remorseless! Next time she "blames" you for her affair simply tell her, "You're right dear, I should have known you have no power to control your crotch. It's was clearly my job to keep other penis's out of it, my bad."

Why don't take a page out of your wife's cheater play book and stop giving a crap about her feelings and start being selfish about yours. She's only looking out for herself so why aren't you looking out for yourself? Stop wasting your time loving someone who doesn't love back. Get a dog if you have all this affection to give, at least they are loyal.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Happiness is that STBXW in the rear view mirror.

Let her become someone else's nightmare.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

I understand what you mean. How can these people not think rationally and logically? How can they want X but do everything they can to keep X from happening? It's because they want X but also want to do A, B, C, D, etc... and still get X. It's cause they're cake eaters. They want everything and you are almost just a tool to them. You're not even a real person. You're just a tool that gives them something they want.

How long have you been separated?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Overdone said:


> Ok it's been awhile but wanted to give all an update. Wife cheated one time and had a flirty affair for 3+ months..
> 
> 
> She is moved out, we have separation agreement all done and legal. Just waiting it out to get divorce. She wants the marriage back but continues to blame me for so many things. She does not work and I am having to pay for her place/car/alimony ext. I feel sorry for the whole deal, we have one child together and she seems to be doing good with it all but I really miss seeing her everyday (my child)! I live down the road and soon will be able to spend more time with her. So my question is how does the STBEX want the marriage back if she is doing so many things that push me away more? She does not respect all the things I do, she is spoiled. * She cheated on me when our relationship was going great* so I feel uncomfortable around her. I think I would have gave it another shot (I tried for 6 months but the fact of her cheating tore me apart) if she was nice all the time. Could it be the guilt of her ruining everything to keep digging a deeper hole? She's mad at me for not coming home and keeps doing things to keep it that way. I do still love her but wow this life is tuff, I wish none of us were here talking about infidelity. Boo


Just as the scales have fallen off your eyes allowing you to see your wife for what she truly is, and that is broken. Look back at that statement "When the relationship was going great". Was it?

Or where things ok for you, happy with the status quo, life was routine and so on. Maybe you didn't clue into the massive red flags preceding her affair. She's always been spoiled, you've always done things for her, almost like you expect gratitude for it, while that is true, it can also lead to resent and just plain lack of respect sometimes. 

She doesn't respect you. She's now finding out things are not going to go back to normal so you're getting sh*t tests. Is this new you real, how far can she push you before you bend to her will again?

You're just seeing them for what they are.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Make no mistake your wife is mad becuase of all the things she has lost and will lose by not having you around.

Yes you pay alimony but it is nowehere near as good as having access to your whole paycheck instead of a quarter of it.

Her cosy little world which you happily provided for has been destroyed so thats why she is pissed off.

As long as she refuses to take responsbility for her actions keep far away. Sounds like you are better off without her.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Overdone said:


> Ok it's been awhile but wanted to give all an update. Wife cheated one time and had a flirty affair for 3+ months..
> 
> 
> She is moved out, we have separation agreement all done and legal. Just waiting it out to get divorce. She wants the marriage back but continues to blame me for so many things. She does not work and I am having to pay for her place/car/alimony ext. I feel sorry for the whole deal, we have one child together and she seems to be doing good with it all but I really miss seeing her everyday (my child)! I live down the road and soon will be able to spend more time with her. So my question is how does the STBEX want the marriage back if she is doing so many things that push me away more? She does not respect all the things I do, she is spoiled. She cheated on me when our relationship was going great so I feel uncomfortable around her. I think I would have gave it another shot (I tried for 6 months but the fact of her cheating tore me apart) if she was nice all the time. Could it be the guilt of her ruining everything to keep digging a deeper hole? She's mad at me for not coming home and keeps doing things to keep it that way. I do still love her but wow this life is tuff, I wish none of us were here talking about infidelity. Boo


Her anger at you while simultaneous wanting to work it out is due to her inability to manage her own emotions and just might honestly be experiencing both at the same time. Your separated so she knows your serious about moving forward and on, but if what you say is true she also cannot take responsibility for her actions.

I deal with these type of people all the time, my children. Your wife's emotional state is that of a child, of course don't tell her this, and she needs to legitimately work on herself, not the whole find myself bull sh1t, but figure out what's wrong and act accordingly. 

The other posters are also correct, she is experiencing the financial restrictions of bachalorettehood. Despite the aide you are forced to give her she now has to make amends with less and also take total care of herself, a fact she may be projecting on you for now as you are the main reason for the separation, not her, at least in her mind. This is akin to a drunk getting mad at the officer for pulling him over.

You do have the surface advantage of her telling you that she wants the marriage back, so put the onus on her by asking her why, what is it that she feels compelled to stay with you for? Do not take IDK as an answer, if people want something they know why. Once this is addressed then ask her why is she constantly pushing you away and tell her exactly how. Do not negotiate nor bend either and ensure to include everything, the more reasons you cite the more pressure she will be forced to bend to and admit, hopefully.

In either case this will prove useful to you in the long run since one way or another since you will need to rebuild some type of healthy relationship with her due to the parental issue. If you can get her steered in the right direction towards acceptable behavior towards being parents then you may wish to reevaluate where you are in your wants and feelings. If you are satisfied she made efforts to YOUR standards then make the desicion, R or D.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Overdone said:


> She cheated on me when our relationship was going great so I feel uncomfortable around her.


So the relationship was going great for you. But it seems your wife thought that it was not going great. Before her affair, did she tell you that she was unhappy?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She is mad because she is found out as a cheater.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Do you guys have kids?

If not, I'd stop talking to her. I mean total radio silence until the divorce is final. Give her the gift of your complete absence and she might just find some remorse after she misses you for a while. Or she will move on and accept the situation and leave you alone. 

Unrepentant cheaters don't repent. They either hide their shame in silence behind pride, or they blame shift for the rest of their lives. Your WW is in the latter camp, and my prediction is she will paint you as the bad guy for the next forty years or until she croaks. This speaks to a deep fundemental character flaw that goes much deeper than her cheating. It's an innate inability to hold herself accountable for her choices...a malady that many in our society suffer from, unfortunately.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> Just keep walking away. You are almost home free.
> 
> No remorse, no reconciliation.


This.

Your stbx wants to have her cake and eat it too. It's toxic.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> Until she's down on her knees, sobbing, snot-bubbles, the whole 9 yards of remorseful, you shouldn't even consider it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even then, I don't think that would be enough.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She wants the marriage back...but on HER terms.

Your emotions and needs don't apply.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

overdone

You obviously still love your wife. You have opened multiple threads over the past year but your head and heart are still in the same place.

And while legally separated it sounds like you are unsure of your decision to divorce.

And your wife wants to reconcile?

SO if you still love your wife, your wife wants to reconcile why wouldn't you have that honest conversation with her on why you are unable to reconcile with her?

List the issues that cause you to doubt her ability to reconcile.....

List the reasons why you doubt her remorsefulness for her affair.....

The way I look at it what do you really have to lose. In a few more months the divorce will go through.

Use that time to communicate honestly with your wife while coming to peace with your decision to divorce her.

HM


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