# Am I a complete Jerk?



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

No one ever listens to me. Well, rarely. When its important, people make sure not to listen to me.

Its rather frustrating, to the point that I typically will offer NO help to anyone beyond my advice if they haven't taken it. Which to me is perfectly acceptable, but other people dont seem to like it.

Example: You and I are walking down the street. Suddenly, you're like "Hey, you wanna see me doing cartwheels in the middle of the road?"

I'll say "No, no do not do cartwheels in the road. Its a bad idea."

At which point, you shrug your shoulders, and proceed to cartwheel right into the road...and get run over by a car. 

Guess who isn't A) Calling 911 and B) sticking around to wait for you. 

Is that so terrible of me?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I don't think so.
A lot of times people expect an agreeable answer, so that when the bus comes and runs them over, they have someone to blame other than themselves.
By telling the truth you are exposing them to their own stupidity.
That's why they don't like it.
You can just say your only advice is for them not to ask you for your advice. And leave it at that.
My foster father once told me that I was irritating because I was always right. Too funny, but it's true. I like to let people make their own mistakes now. I even ignore my own advice every once in a while, just to prove my point to myself. It's fun to dodge the bus once or twice a year. ;-) Once you realize how fun it is, you will rethink the advice you give. You might say something like, well, you have to consider the fun vs. the risk. If you think the fun of doing the cartwheels is worth the risk of getting hit by the bus, go for it. Afterwards, be sure to chime in with special effects and details when they tell the story to anyone else.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

You can't expect people to always do things the way you feel they should do them.People have to learn by making their own choices.Part of being a good friend and a good partner is doing your best to guide them but not abandoning them just bc they wanted to go their own way.
You can still be there for them and give support.

Imagine if parents just started abandoning their kids bc the kids wouldn't listen to them about life advice? What a wreck that would be!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Most people know what has to be done, it's the doing part that's hard.

No need to state the obvious.

Remember, it's WAY more important to be NICE than it is to be right.

Don't worry about things you can't control.Focus on yourself OP, don't worry too much about others.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Are you speaking of people in here, or life in general?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Life in general.

Im not saying I ALWAYS abandon people, and it doesn't necessarily apply to kids, but a lot of times, yeah. I told you not to do that, and no, you have no obligation to do things my way. but I have no obligation to help you either. I DID help. Me saying "don't do that" was your help.

I dont even mean big life changing decisions. Just stupid little things. like "Hey, you shouldn't lay in bed all day or you'll get super depressed."

Then they lay in bed till noon, and get up, and are like "oh I'm so depressed now cuz I laid in bed all day."

"Oh wow if only someone had suggested you not do that."

<SMH>


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Life in general.
> 
> Im not saying I ALWAYS abandon people, and it doesn't necessarily apply to kids, but a lot of times, yeah. I told you not to do that, and no, you have no obligation to do things my way. but I have no obligation to help you either. I DID help. Me saying "don't do that" was your help.
> 
> ...


yup,that kind of stuff is super frustrating.It's a big reason why I've become hands off with my approach for most people.The only ones who will heed good advice are the ones who aren't interested in always being a victim.
eta you can still be there for them and have a healthy relationship without giving advice and frustrating yourself.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP no one likes to be told what to do. 

Also MOST people will not take ANY advice (even if it will do wonders for them).

Accept that. Lot's of crappy people out there.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> No one ever listens to me. Well, rarely. When its important, people make sure not to listen to me.
> 
> Its rather frustrating, to the point that I typically will offer NO help to anyone beyond my advice if they haven't taken it. Which to me is perfectly acceptable, but other people dont seem to like it.
> 
> ...


So, in other words, you only assist people who live by YOUR rules/guidelines/advice. You do not believe that it's ok for them to learn from making their own mistakes. 

Yep, that's pretty jerkish. 

I mean, I get it... I get frustrated at how many people ask me for advice (either on love life or marketing topics), and proceed to completely ignore what I have to say! I went the opposite route and continued to offer answers to their questions until I recognized they were using a lot of my time that I couldn't gain back, and they had NOTHING to offer me in return! (The final straw for me was that I asked someone for a $20 donation for a fundraiser after she'd taken up well over 2 hours of my time getting tips for improving her business - and not using any of them but wasting $3k on something I told her would NOT work, and didn't!) 

The flip side, though, is that people value the relationships that make them feel like YOU value THEM. If you try to help by telling people what to do, and then being cold or unhelpful when they don't adopt what you want, then they perceive that you only care about yourself, not them. This harms the relationship, and isn't the relationship what is really important here?

My solution is to watch them ignore a few times, and then to say, "I'd rather not offer any suggestions, as I feel like it wastes my time and I am confident you'll make the best choice for yourself." In at least two cases (my own daughters) it has made a difference.


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## geewiz (Mar 30, 2014)

I have found offering the truth is the fastest way to eliminate morons from asking me for the truth. It usually takes about once. It's a satisfying existence. 

If I hear something really stupid and they insist I say "go ahead and prove me wrong but let me get the camera first"


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> No one ever listens to me. Well, rarely. When its important, people make sure not to listen to me.
> 
> Its rather frustrating, to the point that I typically will offer NO help to anyone beyond my advice if they haven't taken it. Which to me is perfectly acceptable, but other people dont seem to like it.
> 
> ...


In my experience, this attitude is often accompanied by "I told you so" as a follow-up. No one likes to be told that. 

That attitude often also appears in conjunction with the "Why ask my opinion if you aren't going to do what I say?!?!" line of thinking. This is the askee assuming that he or she is correct and that the asker is therefore wrong if they don't adhere to the "correct" thought. It's a source of anger and frustration for the askee, even when the asker is perfectly happy with the choice they made. Because the opinion giver has somehow assumed that being asked their opinion means that theirs is ever-after the only one that counts. 

It may help you to consider your opinions in the line of a requested gift - something that is given, only when asked, with no strings attached and for the recipient to do with as they please. If they follow your suggestion and it turns out well, then fine. If they don't follow your suggestion and it turns out well, again fine. If they don't follow your suggestion and it does not turn out well, ask if there's anything you can do to help, but otherwise keep your mouth shut and carry on with your life.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Prime example this morning: 

Our washer is broken. It works, but rather than the hose plugged into the back of the washer, we just drop it in the top and fill it up. Has to be this way until we fix it. The only downside is you have to watch it and pay attention because the water won't shut off by itself.

My wife and I have learned this the hard way. We've each flooded the laundry room and kitchen. Hence, the rule: Do laundy, STAY IN THE F***ING LAUNDRY ROOM UNTIL THE WASHER IS FULL.

Now, we have a temporary roommate. She's doing laundry. She's flooded it TWICE already. After the first time, I said calmly "Yeah, we've learned that the only way to do laundry is to stay in here and watch it."

The second time, I said calmly "Yeah, the only way to do laundry is to stay in here and watch it."

This morning the stupid ***** did it again. Guess who is NOT helping her clean up the massive flood in the kitchen and laundry room. And why should i? I Did my part, twice, by saying "Hey, don't do that."

And yeah, I have a very "I told you so" Attitude. It doesn't make me less right. I don't actually come out and say "I told you so." Usually it's some cleverly disguised comment like "Man, that sucks. I didn't know it does that. Someone should've warned us that the washer will overflow!" I say this in all seriousness, and wait for the realization to dawn on them.

And yeah, maybe it sucks. No one likes being told what to do. Hey, I dont like being told I can't drive drunk! I guess that makes it ok. No, it doesn't. I don't care what someone's reasons are for not listening. Pride? Don't like being told what to do? I have a snarky attitude? I'm not the boss of you? So? It still doesn't make me any less right. Like, don't leave the effing washer alone. It doesn't matter how I said it. I said it, I told you, you heard me, you speak my language and you don't have a mental disability. And time has proven me to be a most reliable giver of advice and instruction.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> Prime example this morning:
> 
> Our washer is broken. It works, but rather than the hose plugged into the back of the washer, we just drop it in the top and fill it up. Has to be this way until we fix it. The only downside is you have to watch it and pay attention because the water won't shut off by itself.
> 
> ...


First off, you need to be a MAN and fix the darn washer. If not, at least higher someone to fix it for you. I always take the first route.....

It's your responsibility as a husband AND especially as a LANDLORD.

You can't expect your wife or roommate to be perfect and this is a DAMAGE/SAFETY issue. 

FIX IT. Assuming you don't have one of those "front loader" washers (overly complex POS I call them)......I can take apart ENTIRE washer in under 5 min! Parts are cheap as technology has been around for 30+ years. PS. I would never EVER recommend front loaders for DIY people. Those things are like German cars, overly expensive and complicated for no apparent reason.

So yeah, fix it, It's what your wife and room mate probably expect anyways.



As for the subject at hand OP. Treat people EXACTLY the way you would like to be treated.

Again, it's WAY more important to be nice than it is to be right. Remember that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Let's see... If I had a guest in my house, and there was hoops they had to jump through to do something that works fine in every other house, then yes, I guess I probably would feel obligated to help them clean up the mess. If it was a temporary paying tenant, then I would still feel obligated to help clean up, since a fully functioning washing machine would be expected. 

Oh, and if it was my wife's houseguest and she wasn't home when the mess happened, I'd still help clean up, but my wife would hear some complaints after. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Or....people can just do what they're told...lol....again...I fulfilled my obligation by saying "don't do that." It's not "hoops" someone has to jump thru. it's one minor thing. and its not functional to the house and as a landlord (not really landlord, but still) I have no obligation to fix it! It works fine. Just a little tweak to the functionality is necessary. 

Edit: To clarify, fixing it would do no good. It's an issue with our water. 


Again, when do I ever get to ever to be like that? Break the rules, ignore people, do things I know i'm not supposed to, and blame it on someone else? 

And this is exactly how I expect other people to treat me. I'm not an idiot. My kid has this toy I play with sometimes: It's like a yoyo, but instead of the string thing, its on a long stretchy cord and you throw it and it comes back to you. Its fun lol...anyway, i miss a lot and either hit myself or break something. The wife has warned me about this, and guess what? It's my own damn fault. If I break something I clean it up. If I hit myself in the nuts with it, I dont go crying to everyone else. I clean it up myself, and I don't complain. Why? because they friggin told me so!


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> Or....people can just do what they're told...lol....again...I fulfilled my obligation by saying "don't do that." It's not "hoops" someone has to jump thru. it's one minor thing. and its not functional to the house and as a landlord (not really landlord, but still) I have no obligation to fix it! It works fine. Just a little tweak to the functionality is necessary.
> 
> Edit: To clarify, fixing it would do no good. It's an issue with our water.


If it worked fine, you wouldn't need to monitor it so it doesn't flood. Also, calling BS on it being an issue with your water. That's not how washing machines work. It absolutely is "jumping through hoops" to have to stand in front of a washing machine, judge when the water needs to shut off and doing that manually. The whole point of a washing machine is that you put your clothes and detergent in there, turn it on and then walk away and get other stuff done while it's doing the work. Might as well wash things by hand if you have to stand over it the whole time to figure out when to add water.

It's interesting that you get bent out of shape when other people don't take your advice to fix things but here you are not taking advice to just fix the damn washer so that it won't flood again. I guess that means the next time it floods we can all say you were told that if you fix it it won't flood again, so you have to clean it up and no more complaining about it?




> Again, when do I ever get to ever to be like that? Break the rules, ignore people, do things I know i'm not supposed to, and blame it on someone else?


You're doing it right now.

Fix the damn washing machine. 



> And this is exactly how I expect other people to treat me. I'm not an idiot. My kid has this toy I play with sometimes: It's like a yoyo, but instead of the string thing, its on a long stretchy cord and you throw it and it comes back to you. Its fun lol...anyway, i miss a lot and either hit myself or break something. The wife has warned me about this, and guess what? It's my own damn fault. If I break something I clean it up. If I hit myself in the nuts with it, I dont go crying to everyone else. I clean it up myself, and I don't complain. Why? because they friggin told me so!



Oh, yeah, except for the part about you refusing to fix the washing machine and then complaining when it floods. 

To answer your OP question: Yes, you are kind of a jerk.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Nynaeve said:


> If it worked fine, you wouldn't need to monitor it so it doesn't flood. Also, calling BS on it being an issue with your water. That's not how washing machines work. It absolutely is "jumping through hoops" to have to stand in front of a washing machine, judge when the water needs to shut off and doing that manually. The whole point of a washing machine is that you put your clothes and detergent in there, turn it on and then walk away and get other stuff done while it's doing the work. Might as well wash things by hand if you have to stand over it the whole time to figure out when to add water.


Wrong. You're making things up worse than judge judy here. It IS an issue with the water. Unless you've actually been to my house to assess the situation? I thought not. 

This is what you do: Stick the hose in. Turn it on. It takes exactly 5 minutes, and it makes an audible click. then you take the hose out, let the washer run, go about your business, come back, its done. voila. 

But its not my fault! Cuz I dont like being told what to do. Or something.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> Prime example this morning:
> 
> Our washer is broken. It works, but rather than the hose plugged into the back of the washer, we just drop it in the top and fill it up. Has to be this way until we fix it. The only downside is you have to watch it and pay attention because the water won't shut off by itself.
> 
> ...


Have you tried being British, with a strong jaw and a deep voice? I find people listen to me even when I do not know what I am talking about and it hugely increases my quality of life.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

What if I was on here complaining about how the people's house i live in rent free becfause I'm a recovering junkie doesn't have a perfect washing machine that's up to my standards and I constantly ignored their rules and ruined the floor in their kitchen.

What if I was like "I got arrested for operating after suspension. They only warned my 5 times! But I dont like being told what to do....they should be nice instead of right!"

Be a whole different tune.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> Wrong. You're making things up worse than judge judy here. It IS an issue with the water. Unless you've actually been to my house to assess the situation? I thought not.
> 
> This is what you do: Stick the hose in. Turn it on. It takes exactly 5 minutes, and it makes an audible click. then you take the hose out, let the washer run, go about your business, come back, its done. voila.
> 
> But its not my fault! Cuz I dont like being told what to do. Or something.


All I can read is "whiney, whiney, whiney". 

I think you owe the other poster compensation for their having to live in a flooded place.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> What if I was on here complaining about how the people's house i live in rent free becfause I'm a recovering junkie doesn't have a perfect washing machine that's up to my standards and I constantly ignored their rules and ruined the floor in their kitchen.
> 
> What if I was like "I got arrested for operating after suspension. They only warned my 5 times! But I dont like being told what to do....they should be nice instead of right!"
> 
> Be a whole different tune.


Clearly, they would not have warned you very well.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Mr The Other said:


> All I can read is "whiney, whiney, whiney".



Then you should learn to read better. Just because someone slaps a label on something doesn't make it true.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Dude, you have a chip on your shoulder and a need to be validated by other people accepting your opinion as law. Your insecurity comes through loud enough in your posts here, so I'm sure it would in-person, too. That will undermine your authority and make people less likely to take your advice. It seems like you want to have authority over people, rather than just help them. If people have to accept that you are somehow superior to them just because they took your advice, no one with a healthy attitude to life is gonna listen to a word of it. 

You're shooting yourself in the foot and then celebrating the pain. Have fun with that. 

Or you could lighten up and care more for the person than for how your advice is received. Stop being so afraid of rejection. Like yourself more. Just my advice.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> I don't think you are arguing your "non-jerk" case very well here.
> 
> Which is fine...own it though. You are a jerk, this is how you operate--just don't be mad when people call you one.


I just don't see myself as a jerk. This is the attitude people take with me ALL THE TIME. People always take a "my way or the highway" attitude with me but the second I cop one of my own, suddenly I'm the bad guy. I don't get it.

Sure, you guys told me to fix the washer. But you're not here and no one is forcing you to deal with the problem. Reading and replying to my posts doesn't count, you choose to do that. I'm not asking y'all to come down here and wipe up the flooded kitchen.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

MSP said:


> Dude, you have a chip on your shoulder and a need to be validated by other people accepting your opinion as law. Your insecurity comes through loud enough in your posts here, so I'm sure it would in-person, too. That will undermine your authority and make people less likely to take your advice. It seems like you want to have authority over people, rather than just help them. If people have to accept that you are somehow superior to them just because they took your advice, no one with a healthy attitude to life is gonna listen to a word of it.
> 
> You're shooting yourself in the foot and then celebrating the pain. Have fun with that.
> 
> Or you could lighten up and care more for the person than for how your advice is received. Stop being so afraid of rejection. Like yourself more. Just my advice.


Oh dear I've misrepresented myself. I'm sorry but you've got it all wrong. It's nothing rto do with a chip on my shoulder or authority or anything. 

It comes down, honestly, to just being inconvenienced. When its totally avoidable. By just listening to me and taking my advice. You get pissy when you have to clean up other people's mess when they made the mess just to spite you. I get tired of it.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Nynaeve said:


> Oh, yeah, except for the part about you refusing to fix the washing machine and then complaining when it floods.


I have to agree with this statement. If you are not going to fix the root cause of the problem, then you have no room to complain. Or you do all the laundry.

If you are having trouble with the washer, what do you think is happening to the rest of the stuff in your house that uses water (hot water heater, dish washer, ect)? I will not say BS on the water issue, but you can fix that. Get a softener or water filter so the water does not foul the washer. Done. 


P.S. What do you do about the rinse cycle?


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

C3156 said:


> I have to agree with this statement. If you are not going to fix the root cause of the problem, then you have no room to complain. Or you do all the laundry.
> 
> If you are having trouble with the washer, what do you think is happening to the rest of the stuff in your house that uses water (hot water heater, dish washer, ect)? I will not say BS on the water issue, but you can fix that. Get a softener or water filter so the water does not foul the washer. Done.
> 
> ...


Rinse: Same thing. And I do most of the laundry anyway. 

So again I feel like its a double standard. It all falls on me to fix it. Why doesn't it fall on other people to just do as they're supposed to? 

reminds me of like every job I've ever had. Equipment doesn't work. I don't get to sit back and say "notmy problem, they should fix it!"


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Simply tell your house guest that since they can't get the hang of the washer that they will need to go to the laundromat. They can always move out.

Hosts are under no responsibility to make sure everything they own works perfectly for the enjoyment of guests. If guests can't respect their hosts property, the guests can go to a hotel.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> So again I feel like its a double standard. It all falls on me to fix it. Why doesn't it fall on other people to just do as they're supposed to?
> 
> reminds me of like every job I've ever had. Equipment doesn't work. I don't get to sit back and say "notmy problem, they should fix it!"


What's the double standard? You are the home owner, you are expected to fix broken equipment in the home. Sure, there may be an inconvenience while you get parts/arrange for repair. But the broken equiment should get repaired, not a band-aid.

Save me the pity party, I work in maintenance. I listen to people tell me all day to "fix it" for them because it is "not their job." In this case, it is your "job"


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

I would clean up.the washer mess simply so my house isn't ruined. But I agree with goldilocks tell her she will need to go to the laundermat cause she can't get the hang of it.

I think your my way or the highway attitude is jerky even if I warned them I would always call an ambulance. But I also don't think that people you are helping out can't listen to how things work and follow them, even if they are unconventional. It is not being a jerk for expecting them to follow the way the household runs. Growing up we had lots of people we helped out and they were expected to respect and follow the household rules. Not expecting that is not doing them any favors. If she says I'm sorry I'd chock it up to her forgetting. If she acts like its our fault I'd figure she didn't even try and doesn't even care.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I dunno, man. If everyone tells you you're a jerk, and you're the only one who doesn't see yourself as one, perhaps you need to reconsider your opinion? We're just anonymous people on the internet, going by what you say in here, and have no stake in whether you're a jerk or not in real life. So our opinion (however unanimous it appears) really doesn't count for much. Not really sure why you're asking if you don't want to consider other ideas anyways... To me, that's the real jerk attitude. Self-centered, "I'm always right, everyone else is wrong"...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> Wrong. You're making things up worse than judge judy here. It IS an issue with the water. Unless you've actually been to my house to assess the situation? I thought not.
> 
> This is what you do: Stick the hose in. Turn it on. It takes exactly 5 minutes, and it makes an audible click. then you take the hose out, let the washer run, go about your business, come back, its done. voila.
> 
> But its not my fault! Cuz I dont like being told what to do. Or something.


Oh, that ruffled your feathers, didn't it?

Classic example of someone who can dish it but can't take it. That's the part that makes you a jerk. 

Also, you should really be rinsing your clothes. That means filling the machine with water at least twice.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> What if I was on here complaining about how the people's house i live in rent free becfause I'm a recovering junkie doesn't have a perfect washing machine that's up to my standards and I constantly ignored their rules and ruined the floor in their kitchen.


You just told us that there is clearly something deeply wrong with you. Why in the world would you let a recovering junkie into your household? You must be out of your mind.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I think interactions should ALWAYS be tempered with compassion. You told someone don't play in the street. They get seriously injured. the RIGHT thing to do would be to call the ambulance, and stay with them. Afterwards you can follow up with a "what have we learned" though nobody likes their mistakes rubbed in their face. 

I think you lack EMPATHY. To see someone struggling and to not feel anything beyond your misplaced sense of superiority. 

Having to be "right" all the time, only leads to conflict. It causes the other party to feel hurt and resentful of your attitude (not your KNOWLEDGE!!!). If I told my husband to turn left at the next light to get to our destination, but instead he turned right and we got lost. What is the point of shoving that in his face? There is none. Besides trying to feel superior and a know-it-all. Instead, I would say "whoops! I think if we did a u-turn at this light, we'll be back on our way." Now no one feels like an idiot. And everything is still functioning and flowing. 

There have been SO MANY things that both my husband and I have done against better judgement. And sometimes it results in undesired results, but we're in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound. So when I knock a glass off the table and spill it everywhere or my husband starts roughhousing with the dog and gets kicked in the nuts, there is plenty of sympathy and help to go around.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"my husband starts roughhousing with the dog and gets kicked in the nuts,"

Too funny! Smart dog!!!


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> "my husband starts roughhousing with the dog and gets kicked in the nuts,"
> 
> Too funny! Smart dog!!!


He is a smart puppy, but its less willful and more 75 lbs of flailing puppy. He doesn't have a great concept of where his body parts land. I've taken many a paw to the face. And many a coffee table have been cleared by "destructo-tail" Totally worth it though.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Someday that overflowing water will touch a live wire.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Rinse: Same thing. And I do most of the laundry anyway.
> 
> So again I feel like its a double standard. It all falls on me to fix it. Why doesn't it fall on other people to just do as they're supposed to?
> 
> reminds me of like every job I've ever had. Equipment doesn't work. I don't get to sit back and say "notmy problem, they should fix it!"


ROFL... yep, jerkish for sure.

Great example, though! 

Ok, so let's see: Fix washer takes $15 for hose and clamp (if needed), and perhaps 10 minutes to gather tools and attach hose to proper location. 

Not fixing takes 20-30 minutes per load, permanently, and floods a room (potentially damaging objects in the room, resulting in mold growth in walls) while preventing people from being able to set other priorities (opportunity cost).

Jadiel says, "I did my part by telling someone to stay there until it's ready to be turned off." 

Everyone else says, "It would make sense to spend $15 and ten minutes, because not doing so is being a bully and uses a set of values and priorities that is extremely dumb." 

Jadiel still feels justified. 

Hmm... Jadiel, if you can't figure out who's being a jerk, then I'd encourage you to live out your days in solitude.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

The fact you answer a question means you aren't a jerk.

The fact you stayed around AFTER the person hurt themselves means either a) you have a conscience or b) are a sap.

That the didn't listen to sensible advice makes them a fool...which is worse than a jerk, but about the same level as a sap.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

JCD said:


> The fact you answer a question means you aren't a jerk.
> 
> The fact you stayed around AFTER the person hurt themselves means either a) you have a conscience or b) are a sap.
> 
> That the didn't listen to sensible advice makes them a fool...which is worse than a jerk, but about the same level as a sap.


OMG:rofl: seriously? LOL


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Wrong. You're making things up worse than judge judy here. It IS an issue with the water. Unless you've actually been to my house to assess the situation? I thought not.
> 
> This is what you do: Stick the hose in. Turn it on. It takes exactly 5 minutes, and it makes an audible click. then you take the hose out, let the washer run, go about your business, come back, its done. voila.
> 
> But its not my fault! Cuz I dont like being told what to do. Or something.


Washing machines usually do not use one load of water. They fill up one time and wash with soap. Then they have 2-3 rinse cycles that use water. If you don't have the hose attached the soap is not being rinsed out of your laundry correctly. 

What about your water makes it impossible to fix the washer?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Rinse: Same thing. And I do most of the laundry anyway.
> 
> So again I feel like its a double standard. It all falls on me to fix it. Why doesn't it fall on other people to just do as they're supposed to?
> 
> reminds me of like every job I've ever had. Equipment doesn't work. I don't get to sit back and say "notmy problem, they should fix it!"


If I was your temp room mate, I would just fix the stupid machine. Problem solved. This is not important enough an issue to get all upset about.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jadiel said:


> Prime example this morning:
> 
> Our washer is broken. It works, but rather than the hose plugged into the back of the washer, we just drop it in the top and fill it up. Has to be this way until we fix it. The only downside is you have to watch it and pay attention because the water won't shut off by itself.
> 
> My wife and I have learned this the hard way. We've each flooded the laundry room and kitchen. Hence, the rule: Do laundy, STAY IN THE F***ING LAUNDRY ROOM UNTIL THE WASHER IS FULL.


Wow. If my husband knew the washer was THAT broken and didn't do what husbands are expected to do and keep the house running, by getting the washer fixed, I'd have refused to do the laundry any more.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

So far this is what I've gleaned from the thread....

There's me. I tell other people the right thing to do. They do not listen. They **** up, because what I said will happen actually happens. But I am a jerk, and they have no obligation to listen to me.

The people I'm telling what to do are innocent victims of my vast narcissism. They shouldn't have to live their lives the way I say, and I should be just as willing to help!

Then there's other people, telling me to fix the washer. Somehow, while no one has to listen to me, I have to listen to them, or I'm a jerk. Or something.

That's what I see so far. 

for further explanation: Our well is contaminated with some kind of sulfur thing. The water is fine, but it smells like rotten eggs. It's also faintly black, if you fill a white bowl or something. We use it for dishes, laundry, and stuff. But we don't drink it. anyway, this sediment in the water gummed up the water flow thingie in the washer. Why don't I fix it? I dunno. Because its my washer and I don't have to? Or I just don't feel like it? Or I suck with tools? I dunno. Doesn't matter. It's mine.

Filter: We COULD filter the water. And have jack for water pressure. I dont know why, but put the filter in, and you're showering with a trickle.

Yes we rinse the laundry as well . i didn't think I had to specifically mention that. Guess what, we also have to actually LIFT THE LID before we put stuff in.

And it doesn't take 30 minutes of standing there to do laundry.

This is how I do it: Take wet clothes out. Put in dryer. Put water in. While its filling, I'm putting clothes in. If it's still filling, I fold the clothes from the dryer. Not a wasted millisecond.

Go do something else. Rinse cycle! 

Fill washer with water. Fold more clothes while its filling. Or, cigarette break!*

Of course, for people trying to make the point that I'[m a jerk, they'll overblow that and act like I'm making someone "jump thru hoops" or something.

And no there's nothing wrong with me for letting a recovering drug addict live in my house. She's my wife's friend. She's earning her keep. She's clean so far and regularly attending AA meetings. So piss off, whoever said that.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> it's one minor thing. and its not functional to the house and as a landlord (not really landlord, but still) I have no obligation to fix it! It works fine. Just a little tweak to the functionality is necessary.


It doesn't work "fine" and it's not a minor thing. Because you're too cheap and lazy to fix the machine someone has to stand there doing nothing for the 45 minutes or so it takes to do the wash. I've known some households to do a half dozen or more loads in a given week. That's a lot of wasted time standing there when other things need to be done. 



Jadiel said:


> Yes we rinse the laundry as well . i didn't think I had to specifically mention that.


Yeah you only mentioned that it's 5 minutes to fill the machine and see how easy it is. You conveniently left out the part where the hose has to be turned on multiple times during the cycle.




Jadiel said:


> Edit: To clarify, fixing it would do no good. It's an issue with our water.


Yeah right.. the water in your area messed up your machine and makes it impossible to fix.

And you wonder why no one listens to you?



Jadiel said:


> Why don't I fix it? I dunno. Because its my washer and I don't have to? Or I just don't feel like it? Or I suck with tools? I dunno. Doesn't matter. It's mine.


It's not just "yours" it also belongs to your wife, who probably thinks you're a jerk for not fixing the washer so she'd gotta stand there wasting hours every week when she could be doing something else.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jadiel said:


> Our well is contaminated with some kind of sulfur thing. The water is fine, but it smells like rotten eggs. It's also faintly black, if you fill a white bowl or something. We use it for dishes, laundry, and stuff. But we don't drink it. anyway, this sediment in the water gummed up the water flow thingie in the washer. Why don't I fix it? I dunno. Because its my washer and I don't have to? Or I just don't feel like it? Or I suck with tools? I dunno. Doesn't matter. It's mine.


Uh, you are married, correct? You expect your WIFE to use the washer, correct? So it's your washer yet you expect your wife to stand by the "fuxxing" washer to bail the water out because you're above doing the right thing and making things easy for your wife so she can do YOUR LAUNDRY?

Classy.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jadiel said:


> Fill washer with water. Fold more clothes while its filling. Or, cigarette break!*


Hmmm, for the money you spend on cigarettes, a complete NONESSENTIAL, you could have showed your wife you loved her by using that money to pay for a real solution.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Are you a jerk?

Surely your wife is not happy about the situation with the washer and she wants it fixed and this has been a topic of conversation many times. It's inconvenient, it's stressful, and it leads to property damage when someone invariably screws up with turning off the hose which is, let's face it, not a typical scenario in the average household. More like something you'd find in a poverty stricken slum. 

You have decided for your own reasons that you are not going to fix the washer (even though you can), and you are not taking your wife's feelings or considerations into account and that makes you a jerk.

I wish all questions were as easy as this one.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

lenzi said:


> It doesn't work "fine" and it's not a minor thing. Because you're too cheap and lazy to fix the machine someone has to stand there doing nothing for the 45 minutes or so it takes to do the wash. I've known some households to do a half dozen or more loads in a given week. That's a lot of wasted time standing there when other things need to be done.


I'm not sure what thread you are reading. I said 5 minutes. Well, clearly from the next section you saw the five minutes, but where are you getting 45 minutes from? It's mind boggling. I don't get it at all. Are we just debating by making things up? I can play that game too if you want....



lenzi said:


> Yeah you only mentioned that it's 5 minutes to fill the machine and see how easy it is. You conveniently left out the part where the hose has to be turned on multiple times during the cycle.


Yes, "conveniently." It's a conspiracy! Or maybe, I was under the impression that I don't have a space age washer and EVERYONE rinses their clothes . Did I mention, I also add soap, and lift the lid, and put it back down! Anything else I left out that I assumed was obvious?



lenzi said:


> Yeah right.. the water in your area messed up your machine and makes it impossible to fix.
> 
> And you wonder why no one listens to you?


I was unaware that you know the condition of my water better than me. 

Let me pose a hypothetical to you: If you were actually here, and could verify that everything I said was true, would you still be like "Pssh! Bull crap!"?




lenzi said:


> It's not just "yours" it also belongs to your wife, who probably thinks you're a jerk for not fixing the washer so she'd gotta stand there wasting hours every week when she could be doing something else.


Yu're pretty much proving my point. You're completely ignoring what I've written to substitute your own thing in. If you'd paid attention you would see that I do the laundry, ande it doesn't take hours, so I've pretty shot holes in your entire post.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

turnera said:


> Hmmm, for the money you spend on cigarettes, a complete NONESSENTIAL, you could have showed your wife you loved her by using that money to pay for a real solution.


Ah yes, the whole 7 dollars a week I pay for cigarettes. You got me there. 

So what you're saying is that men who aren't 100% up on house maintenance don't love their wives? Really?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jadiel said:


> Ah yes, the whole 7 dollars a week I pay for cigarettes. You got me there.
> 
> So what you're saying is that men who aren't 100% up on house maintenance don't love their wives? Really?


When they expect their wives to do housework, yes. Men who don't take care of such things (or give the wife money to get it done) shows they take their wives for granted, expect the wife to settle for what they're willing to do for them, so, basically, they care more about themselves than their wives. Now, if there are mitigating circumstances for this one thing, I'm all ears, and you'll likely get kinder advice. But based on your posts, which is all we know about you, yeah, it sounds like that. And if WE sense that, I'm pretty sure SHE senses that. Ever heard of Walkaway Wives?

$7 x 52 = $364
$364 x 10 years = $3,640

Works for me.

Look, I know you feel under attack here, but you really really do come across as rude, arrogant, and insensitive toward your wife. So you're getting the response that engenders. If you're really a kind, caring guy who does tons of things for his wife except for the washer, good for you. So I'm just going to tell you, washers are a big deal to women who have to use them.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Yu're pretty much proving my point. You're completely ignoring what I've written to substitute your own thing in. If you'd paid attention you would see that I do the laundry, ande it doesn't take hours, so I've pretty shot holes in your entire post.


Let's forget all about rinse cycles and the amount of time wasted waiting for the machine to fill and all of that. Let's get straight to the real issue.

I notice in your fairly long response to my post you completely ignored the part about your wife.

So let me ask you this one simple question.

How does your wife feel about the broken washing machine? Does it bother her? Has she expressed her displeasure and unhappiness with it in it's current condition? I will assume the answer to those 3 questions is "yes", and you are well aware of how she feels about it. Please correct me if I'm wrong. 

What is your response to her repeated requests to fix it? I will again assume that your response is "No I will not fix it, it is fine the way it is".

In answer to your initial question, your unwillingness to resolve this issue, your position that it's "your way or the highway" makes you a jerk.

I hope this helps.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Yes you are


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I will repeat OP

"It's more important to be nice than it is to be right"

I think everyone here answered you question....no need to go on.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

lenzi said:


> How does your wife feel about the broken washing machine? Does it bother her? Has she expressed her displeasure and unhappiness with it in it's current condition? I will assume the answer to those 3 questions is "yes", and you are well aware of how she feels about it. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
> 
> What is your response to her repeated requests to fix it? I will again assume that your response is "No I will not fix it, it is fine the way it is".


This is a prime example of why I feel like people attack me. I admit, I'm super defensive all the time. Why? Because a lot of people are offensive. And this is a perfect example. 

The fact is, it doesn't bother my wife, because she doesn't do the laundry all that often. Once in a great while. Most of the time, I do it. And she's never complained about it. Hasn't made repeated requests for me to fix it. Isn't begging me to fix it and suffering through our horrible deficient washing machine. 

And I haven't said anything to even remotely hint that this is the situation. No, in fact I have clearly said at least once that I typically do the laundry. So if anyone is going to jump to the conclusions, why does it have to be "I'm going to fabricate completely untrue things to make my points!" 

Why can't it be "Since he said he does most of the laundry, that obviously means the wife seldom does the laundry, and thus is should be a non-issue to her."


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You did clarify that you do most of the laundry, AFTER saying 



> we just drop it in the top and fill it up. My wife and I have learned this the hard way. We've each flooded the laundry room and kitchen.


Which is why we were harping on it; she DOES do laundry, you COULD be fixing it, but you don't. Maybe if she had a washer that worked better, she'd be using it more and the onus would be off of you. Or maybe you just enjoy doing laundry. 

The point is, you come here to ask if you're a jerk. Obviously you have been told so, or you wouldn't be asking. And the whole path this thread has taken is proof that, if this is the way you are in real life, the name-calling was warranted because the instant you were questioned, you were hell-bent on proving your point, refusing to take ownership, shooting down any comment that doesn't pat you on the back and, well, just generally being a jerk about it. 

Your choice. Your choice to walk around believing everyone wants to attack you and you making sure you get the last word. Just be sure to remember that you have an option to change the direction of such things. My SIL just announced she's leaving my brother because of his negativity. Some day I'll probably be leaving my H because of HIS negativity. Both men could have prevented this in their wives simply by paying attention to the unhappiness that negativity has caused.

If you're really genuinely asking for some advice, here it is: find a good therapist, tell HIM all this stuff, and let him help you dig out of this self-protection foxhole you've created for yourself, this 'super defensive all the time' world you created, and learn to experience life with joy and excitement instead.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't get why posters are so concerned about the functioning of your washer, either. It's your washer. Fix it or don't fix it. Who gives a flip?

If his wife isn't complaining, where's the beef?

Tell your house-guest to go the laundromat. Problem solved.


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

Yes I think you are a jerk. 

Just fix the washer. Problem solved.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

TurtleRun said:


> Yes I think you are a jerk.
> 
> Just fix the washer. Problem solved.


Actually, that wasn't what brought him to start this thread, it was just an example. He started it because people tell him he has a bad attitude and he wanted to know if it was true. At least he _said _he wanted to know, lol.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Blondilocks said:


> I don't get why posters are so concerned about the functioning of your washer, either. It's your washer. Fix it or don't fix it. Who gives a flip?


He's asking if he's a jerk. Fixing a washer would be one step toward removing that handle he's established. And spending 4 pages fighting us about it is taking 4 steps backward. *shrug*


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

I read the first post and thought he was just awful lol.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

"I can be right, or I can be happy."

Right vs. Happy | Psychology Today

OP,

What is your real fear? You must look deep within yourself to find it.

That is necessary for you to stop feeling the need to be right. 

You don't have to post what you fear is for me, but it might help to write a list of things that make you afraid and look at them. Many times, there are simple solutions and we are capable of doing them. Those solutions elude us when we tell ourselves we are not capable. 

I suggest that you are feeling like you cannot do anything right yourself and so you are making rules that are a bit out of the ordinary. 

In your example, I suggest that you go online and see what is suggested to fix the problem with your washing machine. See if there is a way to do it inexpensively, that you can handle doing on your own. 

I think you are limiting yourself and forcing your thoughts about that onto your wife, so she believes you are not less of a man. You are afraid she will lose respect for you and so, you make a silly rule and while she is arguing with you and you with her, about that rule, the emphasis is not on your self-perceived deficiencies in being what you think a man should be in a marriage. 

Consider going to counseling to find out how to improve your self-esteem and work on setting small goals for yourself that are attainable. You will fail at some. Others, you will succeed. In either case, your fears are stopping you more than your abilities. Do not let this go. It is in your best interest and will bleed over into the health of the marriage, as paint does.

You can work on this and as you do, your wife will likely grow in respect for you, since you are taking responsibility for yourself. Do not expect her to work on this or change for you. That's not healthy for either of you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't know if he's a jerk or not. The washer is irrelevant.

If a particular person asks for your advice on several occasions and doesn't follow it, it's safe to assume they don't value your opinion.
They may be seeking attention, instead. In any event, I wouldn't waste any more thought or breath on giving them advice. Tell them to flip a coin.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

This thread became all about fixing the washer.

Ok, I get it. No one in his house cares about the broken washer, well maybe the drug addict does but it's not their call since they are a nonpaying house guest; his wife's ok with it, they've figured out a solution that works for everyone despite the occasional mishap and apparently no one is all that bothered by the flooding, and it only takes a few minutes to stand there and wait for it to fill and it can't be fixed because of sludge or whatever in the water supply so I will retract my original posts on this matter and hereby state that that he is not a jerk for not fixing the washer.

So back to the original point.

As far as not calling 911 because someone did cartwheels against your advice and got hit by a car, yes I think you'd be a jerk and a whole lot worse for just standing there or even walking away while some poor SOB bleeds to death in the street because they did something stupid.


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

Core blimey! Such a long thread for such a simple question.

To answer your original question - Yes you sound like you have a bad attitude.

My favourite response when someone I know asks me for advice is . . . . 'sorry, I don't like giving people advice'. I mind my own business. Try it, it takes a lot of the frustration out of life.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Quite simply, yes.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"As far as not calling 911 because someone did cartwheels against your advice and got hit by a car, yes I think you'd be a jerk and a whole lot worse for just standing there or even walking away while some poor SOB bleeds to death in the street because they did something stupid."

Some would consider this the equivalent of thinning the herd or culling. You know, removing them from the gene pool.

I took this as an outrageous example by the OP. Any one who opens their home to a junkie is compassionate in my book and a better person than I.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> I took this as an outrageous example by the OP. Any one who opens their home to a junkie is compassionate in my book and a better person than I.


Thank you. I don't mean to get all combative and stuff, but as i said earlier...I get defensive. Very easily. I admit, I was being extreme with the cartwheels thing.

And its not even about being right! It's not an ego thing....it mainly comes to convenience. I'm lazy. I said it. Sometimes its like, hey, i dont want to deal with this problem. The easiest way is to just give someone a heads up. I'm really fine if people want to ignore my advice, but in general...don't let your crap spill all over me, ya know?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you're that lazy, just stop interacting with people.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

due to lack of space, my fatherinlaw has been keeping his tools at our house. and just for ****s and giggles I took the goddamn washer apart today and cleaned the gunk out. 

unfortunately, the end of the hose is so corroded it will no longer screw onto the washer, so I gotta get a new one of them. anyway, no one has any right to ***** at me anymore! lol....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yay! Proud of you! And I'll bet you feel good about it, even if you won't admit it.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

No I feel awful and dirty and hate myself for it! lol....j/k.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You need a new definition of s***s & giggles. I can think of way more fun things to do than tear apart a washer.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> You need a new definition of s***s & giggles. I can think of way more fun things to do than tear apart a washer.


My life is not all that interesting. Plus I know JACK about fixing things unless its electronic like a computer or a dvd player. so its like, oooh what are these fun little things in here.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> My life is not all that interesting. Plus I know JACK about fixing things unless its electronic like a computer or a dvd player. so its like, oooh what are these fun little things in here.


It's all about willingness to learn, seemed like you took it on.

Try you tube or repair clinic, again, assuming you don't have one of these new POS frontloaders the technology has been around for 30 + years and there is TONS of knowledge base out there, just have to find it.

If you know how to fix computers (hardware).......washer machines etc are a piece of cake, just all about getting to know how they work/how to troubleshoot etc.

Good work OP. Don't you feel that sense of accomplishment? And doesn't your wallet feel good for not blowing $150-200 for someone to come out?

:smthumbup:


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Well for anyone interested my fascinating life, the washer is fixed. Cost a little over 60 bucks for a new hose and valve.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That's great! As a wife who's had holes in her ceilings unattended for 10 years, I can tell you how much such a small thing might mean to your wife. Good job.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What was your childhood like, jadiel? Just curious what brought on the high walls.


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

turnera said:


> That's great! As a wife who's had holes in her ceilings unattended for 10 years, I can tell you how much such a small thing might mean to your wife. Good job.


10 year ? :lol: Geez I'd fix it myself or hire someone that would drive me crazy!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Bane of my existence. Every time I start to hire someone, he blows a gasket, so I've been avoiding it and trying to get several OTHER things done. I DID get him to fix the toilet after two years, though, after I downloaded instructions to do it myself and asked him which tool I was supposed to use.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

turnera said:


> What was your childhood like, jadiel? Just curious what brought on the high walls.


I'm not sure I understand the high walls reference, but my childhood was fairly uneventful. Just mildly ****ty enough to give me a skewed perception of reality, but not super ****ty. I wasn't beaten or raped (at least not that I know of lol...). 

My parents took good care of me, although I learned at a very young age that I was a terrible inconvenience to them. They never came out and said it, but you can tell, ya know? 

Any time I'd get in trouble at school, I could tell their attitude was less "You've disappointed me and we need to correct your behavior" and more of "You've made me have to deal with you and I don't like that!"

Of course, as I understand it, when I was tiny, like too small to remember, apparently I was a little terror. So who knows.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jadiel said:


> I learned at a very young age that I was a terrible inconvenience to them


Well, there you go. Answers it all. I just want to say, I'm ashamed of them for doing that to you, you were NOT an inconvenience, God doesn't make mistakes; but sometimes he gives miracles of God to people who don't deserve them.

Jadiel, you ARE a miracle of God, or the higher power, or whatever you believe in. All of us are, and it's up to us to decide what to do with it. I can tell you have integrity, morals, and a good heart. You're just constantly on the lookout to be hurt, since that's what your parents taught you would happen.

You wanna feel better? Read A Child Called It. Now THAT was a guy who never had a decent chance because of his parents, but who rose above it and made himself into a remarkable person despite the odds.

I see you doing great things, Jadiel.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

turnera said:


> Well, there you go. Answers it all. I just want to say, I'm ashamed of them for doing that to you, you were NOT an inconvenience, God doesn't make mistakes; but sometimes he gives miracles of God to people who don't deserve them.
> 
> Jadiel, you ARE a miracle of God, or the higher power, or whatever you believe in. All of us are, and it's up to us to decide what to do with it. I can tell you have integrity, morals, and a good heart. You're just constantly on the lookout to be hurt, since that's what your parents taught you would happen.
> 
> ...



Yeah I've read some of that Child Called It book. I actually read somewhere that the guy made a lot of it up though.

And I don't want to come across as like "my parents ruined me". They were both good people, with the wrong spouse, and they were kinda trapped and they both made each other MISERABLE. 

My mom has lots of personal issues because her stepfather abused her when she was little. Makes her really not want to have sex, ever. 

My dad was both a traveling musician AND a truck driver for a long time. So guess what he did a lot of while he was on the road. I don't even want to hazard a guess as to how many brothers and sisters I have scattered up and down the east coast, especially in new england. 

Anyway, they hated each other, and antagonized each other, and didn't even try to get along most of the time.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So what?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

My take: 

Seems like you've taken that message from your parents (the one where you are a bothersome inconvenience whenever you require their attention) and now treat other people that way. 

I'm betting you didn't love it when the folks treated you that way. Is this how you want people to feel when they come to you about something? If not, bite the bullet *willingly* so they know that your relationship with them is important to you!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Ah yes, the whole 7 dollars a week I pay for cigarettes. You got me there.
> 
> So what you're saying is that men who aren't 100% up on house maintenance don't love their wives? Really?


$7 a week on cigs? You smoke only a pack a week?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Well for anyone interested my fascinating life, the washer is fixed. Cost a little over 60 bucks for a new hose and valve.



:toast: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> $7 a week on cigs? You smoke only a pack a week?


I roll my own. 5 bucks for a bag of tobacco, 2 bucks for a box of tubes.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> I roll my own. 5 bucks for a bag of tobacco, 2 bucks for a box of tubes.


0 bucks for lung cancer.

Some of the treatment cost might be out of pocket though.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> Well for anyone interested my fascinating life, the washer is fixed. Cost a little over 60 bucks for a new hose and valve.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


about time....


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