# Leave it alone or dig??? HELP!



## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

OK, so I posted in another thread about my reconciliation. So, for background info please read that...

I need advice about what to do. When H and I first got together (12 years ago) we were just casually dating. One night I ran into an old flame and we ended up hanging out in a hot tub together. Nothing sexual happened. But, I heard about what a cheating sl** I was for the next 12 years...

H and I then started dating exclusively and I never talked to any men again. I was always faithful. 

Well, during our spearation I ran into a mutual friend of ours. He told me that H had been having an affair during our marriage and that the girl was 17. I called H and confronted him. 

He told me that he did not have an affair. But that the night I ran into the guy with the hot tub he had a ONS with this girl who was our babysitter. He said she was 18. He would've been 31...

So, we are back together, in counseling etc. My question is...do I just accept what he told me and forget about her? Or, do I dig to confirm her age? I was googling names of girls and seraching facebook to try to find out this girl. I got freaked because one who seemed to be the right name and have the right details would have only been 14 at the time...

If he was with an underage girl AT ANY TIME then I wouldn't want to continue this relationship...


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

please someone??
My question is...do I just accept what he told me and forget about her? Or, do I dig to confirm her age?


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

That is up to what you want to accomplish. If you want to stay together and work on things in counselling, leave it alone. The past must stay there. If you want to find a reason to leave, or cause tension in the meantime... dig it up.


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

You're right that is what I am doing. When I obsess about old stuff or stew on things it is generally because I am doubting the relationship and looking for an exit maybe.


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## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

To be honest, you have a lot of angles you need to consider here. I'm not sure if he would actually get into any trouble now with the law. But, if you choose to dig up the truth, consider this factor.

With that said, I would not be able to let it go either. I've dug up every detailed piece of truth I possibly can on my husband's affair and did not let it go until I was satisfied. I'm still not sure that I am, but I have a lot of information to make my decisions on. If you feel it's a piece of information that is important for you to find out, then find out the truth.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

I personally would be concerned if this business about the girl being 14 were true. Might be a problem of his and if so, then it's better to end on your terms then have the police end it for you.

Also, I'm sure most everyone here who has been cheated on will tell you that the initial "truth" is hardly the whole truth, and will be uncovered on its own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I aggre with Josh, the thing with the "trickle truth" is you may never get the whole truth enless U dig. In my case, I have found out enough of the truth, and needed to move on, I am at a point were I need no more info. So it is really you that has to determine when enough is enough and when you want to move on. if your gut tells you to dig well there is a good reason we have intution so do what your gut tells you. Mine , tells me to stop the digging, heal together an move on together.
Good luck and listen to your gut its always right.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

So, this incident went on 12 years ago? That long ago and nothing since? If you and husband hope to reconcile, this needs to be in the rear view mirror.


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