# What would you do? Divorce options



## DaughterandMe (Jan 6, 2021)

What would you do? I know this is long but I really could use some opinions! Thank you!
We had mediation with one lawyer where we agreed on the following.... We have not signed or filed anything yet. 

Young daughter, just under 2 - placement arrangement is 60/40 (approximately). I really wanted 2 extra days a month in my schedule (which would make a 35/65 schedule) which he agreed to earlier but then back-tracked and it didn't end up happening. I have her every Sun, Mon, Thurs and every other Fri and Sat. I actually have her all day Sunday every week, which really means a lot to me for that quality time with her. 
We agreed on holidays. 
 I make quite a bit more money than him, so we agreed no child support. We both are splitting the costs 50/50 of daycare, out of pocket medical expenses, etc. I will carry and pay for insurance for my daughter. (This will be re-evaluated if my health insurance significantly changes).
Short marriage, no alimony. 
I will claim my daughter every year on taxes. 
If we are not able to come to a decision jointly, then I have "final say". 
This one hurts a bit but it is what it is. I care about the child custody more than money. My stbx and I were both happy to just leave our retirements alone and not split them. However the lawyer strongly advised we needed to split them 50/50 or the judge would be less likely to accept it. She said WI is a cut and dry 50/50 state when it comes to property and money. So I would be losing roughly $25,000 of my retirement. He had basically nothing in his. The one beacon of light in the retirement situation for splitting the money is that my stbx did agree (verbally) that he would put that money into a college fund for our daughter. However, there's no actual guarantees he will follow through with it. 
We recently sold our house and we split those profits 50/50. 
About my ex: We get along for the most part and I really hope to be able to co-parent. The main reason "we get along" is because I ignore how he treats me sometimes and I have to be overly nice and patient lol. He has been (and is) emotionally abusive towards me. He definitely has a temper and can make stupid decisions. He is not just this way towards me, but towards a lot of other people in his life. He doesn't hold on to a job very long - usually because he doesn't get along with people. The whole time we were married, I was the one caring for my daughter about 95% of the time. I have no proof of him treating my daughter poorly that would mean anything to the courts. However, I am afraid the time will come that he starts treating her the way he treats me and others in his life. 
WI is a 50/50 state for custody, so I know that what we have written is better than that. Would you sign and accept this as it is? I find it hard to bite the bullet and hope I don't have any regrets! If I would have fought, could I have gotten more time with her to hopefully shield her from his (potential) abusive behavior towards her? I am told that the courts don't care about how he's treated me emotionally or even physically (there have been minor incidents of physical abuse towards me that were so small that they hardly count) unless there's been a police report. Again, I have no proof of any abuse to her. He does seem to love and care for her and she loves her dad. I would always want to foster a relationship between them unless she were in danger. I think one reason I am hesitant is because I just simply don't know if she will be emotionally abused like I was or not. I would never want to falsely accuse. Will she be happy there? Right now we have been following this schedule for about a month and she has been happy overall. Just a little extra clingy to both mom and dad, which is to be expected. 
If I go ahead and sign, we can move on and hopefully be able to co-parent with each other the best we can. If I decide that I'm going to fight him now, it will really make him mad and potentially tarnish our mostly positive co-parenting relationship that we have so far.
What would you do? Sorry that was long and thank you for your help!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sounds like you have an agreement that favors you in many ways. What have you decided?


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## Dad84 (Dec 21, 2020)

You're more worried about your daughter but also says that he loves her. You can give It a try. When children are emotionally abused they show signs of It but be careful not to assume It is abuse right away. My ex divorced me and my daughter is getting depressive with the sudden changes but eventually and with a lot of Love she Will get used to the situation. It's going to be Very hard. Today for example i didn't see her and Just one day away kills me so prepare for that as well. As for the agreement It seems to be a good one except for the 25k but as long as It is used for college fund it's ok.


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