# Anal sex with my wife advice please



## bluemantis (Jan 11, 2013)

The problem we have is that my wife has become really close minded, cold and not wanting experiment at all this happened after the she gave birth, we been married for almost seven years and our child is 5 now.

The crazy part is that before she gave birth she was the more adventurous one, like she would give me oral every day before work and I came in her mouth she swallow many times later on the same we had sex at least twice, she was wild I mean like she wanted to do it in public and stuff like that, she even gave me oral on the train and the at movies, well you guys get the picture we were both horny for each other all the time!

By the way she did perform anal on me, I enjoyed it very much.
I asked recently if I can play a little in that area of hers, but she says no way!
when I go down on her and she is relaxed I can see her anus relaxing and opening up im sure she will enjoy, I have licked her anus put my tongue inside she liked but later deny it, saying like its disgusting.

What should we do? we had a great sex life, we really enjoined each other sexually but not anymore she has like this shield around her now and cant get trough it.

Advice please


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

So she was a horn dawg before you had kid(s).

After the kid(s), the sex dropped off drastically.


Really talk to her about it.

Get a baby sitter and have a night to yourselves.

Perhaps she needs to see a doctor, some medications to get her in the mood again?

Is she seeing someone else, sexting, etc?

A lot of women do lose interest in sex after having kids. 

Perhaps she only wanted crazy sex until she had the kid(s) and now nope?


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## fin (Jan 13, 2013)

I think your wife is struggling with her role as a mother and a sexual being. I think a lot of women go through this after having children, I know I did. I wouldn't let my husband play with my breasts while I was breast feeding because I couldn't handle them being both a food source for my child and something that turned me on with my husband. It frightened me to think that I would enjoy my child sucking on my breast like my husband liked to do. It was a total no go area, non negotiable, it was a shock for my husband to find there were limits to our sex life after kids that had never been there before. 

Talk to her openly, frankly and with warmth and love about what's going on. We women change, we can get in our heads where the taboo of things takes over. Shame is deadly to our sex drives. The thought of our child walking in on something like that sends our brains into a frenzy and our libidos into a tail spin, so if you don't have one get a lock for your bedroom door, that improved our sex lives straight off. I also recommend hotel sex. Book a baby sitter and a hotel room, get room service and relax and enjoy each other, it also has the benefit that you can be as vocal as you want about your pleasure. It is a huge turn on going to a hotel and after a few hours of fabulous sex checking out again, its a clean dirty!

Anal sex, its a big turn on for you guys, not everyone even wants to try it so if she says no respect that, ask her if she minds if you stimulate that area without going inside, fantasy can be very good too. Having a partner let you do it is a gift, having her love it is up to you. Start with a finger and masses of lube and dont rush, you will also need to tell her how amazing it is, how incredible she feels and smells, you need to get in her head as well as her butt  You also dont have to do everything on the first night remember sex in a marriage is a long game, if you do this right you will have years to enjoy this pleasure, or it can be just one night! Again up to you.

Remember though how she is feeling is normal and so is your desire. I hope this helps a little.


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## Happily Married Guy (Sep 26, 2011)

According to your post she liked it when you just spontaneously played down there when you were giving her oral, so she clearly finds the act pleasurable in some ways. I would suggest you keep trying when she is in the mood without trying to plan it out. 

I think my wife enjoys it when it just happens because on those rare occasions I have gotten her really turned on and I think she likes the thought that it's taboo. Although my wife does really seem to enjoy it and will routinely get off while we're doing it and she uses a little bullet vibe on her self at the same time.


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## EuroAussie (Oct 14, 2012)

Just try slowly slipping in a well lubricated finger and see how she reacts. She might surprise you ... and herself.


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

anal is painful and no joy at all for a woman....... why do that when theres a perfectly good hole right next to it that actually feels good, gives pleasure and wont send you to hospital !

i tell my hubby if i can put a huge thing up there for him and see if he likes it !
he says no to that


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## fin (Jan 13, 2013)

Thats a shame your experience was unenjoyable. 

Mine was different, done slowly and with patience and a lot of fun, it was amazingly good. Though orgasming was a mix of pain and pleasure.  Not such a bad thing  Now and then.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

bluemantis said:


> The problem we have is that my wife has become really close minded, cold and not wanting experiment at all this happened after the she gave birth, we been married for almost seven years and our child is 5 now.
> 
> The crazy part is that before she gave birth she was the more adventurous one, like she would give me oral every day before work and I came in her mouth she swallow many times later on the same we had sex at least twice, she was wild I mean like she wanted to do it in public and stuff like that, she even gave me oral on the train and the at movies, well you guys get the picture we were both horny for each other all the time!
> 
> ...


Um....there is a really big difference between a tongue and a penis. Anal sex can be really unpleasant for a woman.

It sounds like your wife is engaging in regular sexual behavior with you, so start off by being grateful for that. 

Talk to her about it if it's something you want to try but don't push or her or you might end up losing more than you gain.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Licking her anus? Are you trying to get a really bad infection? 


I've done anal sex before. Really liked it until I got a bad tear... that has never healed correctly since by the way. 

She has the right to refuse anal. Few women agree to do it for good reason.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your chick is all jacked up on being a mother and good respectful mother don't take it up the butt.
See once the kid comes along, it all about mommy and doing for the kid and all the right things that wont kill it and then they get all worked up about school and the proper PTA mom and get all invloved with raising the best kid ever.

While you stuck on the side line and even jump on board and teach you kid how to hunt and shoot and fight, even chace boyfriend away and just get so envolved with being a parent you all foget what it is to be a mate.

Not saying this stuff is bad but you all lose sight in how you got that kid in the first place and romance goes out the window.

Respectful moms don't drop to there knees or get bent over, but the fact of the matter is mom has to keep dad around also. Your kid diserve to be witness to a very healthy and happy relationship and nothing say happy like a daddy getting the good stuff in the bed room.

In short her mind set is not focused on mating, it focused on mothering....so tell her your boundries and way it so important to keep daddy happy while balancing keeping the kid safe. she can be a great mom during the day but she can't neglect her childs daddy at night...

Alot of new moms lose focus in how important ther kids daddy is, so you have to tell them whats what. It not there fault its instinct, and its a good instinct, you just have to communicate that daddy is just as important as the babie, cuz baby diserves a happy dady also.

Make sence?


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## bluemantis (Jan 11, 2013)

Thank you all for the input.
I think our issues extend further than anal sex, since that is a complete no go zone for my wife.

Its been maybe a year since we started having sex regularly again 5 to 6 times a week week before that it was maybe once a week and the reason for the increase in sex is coz I kept asking her to have sex more often, well I say "WE" but its more like I have sex by myself coz she will never reciprocate, its always the same, same position she never take her top off even if I ask, sex has become monotonous and boring, I have tried toys bought sexy customs to spice thing up a bit but we use the stuff once then never again.

anal sex was just another way to try and spice things up the bedroom well guess I was wrong again.

someone suggested that we try a hotel, thanks for the idea but her reply was "No that's just waste of money" 

I don't know what to do anymore she has became a different person sexually after she gave birth.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

I think Mrs. Fin and Mr. The Guy above is correct, your wife is now in 'mommy mode', not in 'wife' or in 'lover' mode. 

You can talk until you are blue in the face but if she is not in the correct "mode" she will not hear you or even if she does hear you, most likely your words will have no impact. This is a very usual occurence. 

She might not even interested to go to marriage counselling because she might think 'there is nothing wrong with me! I am right now in the mommy mode!'.

Some people will give you advice like this.."bluemantis, give her time, maybe if you are caring to her and show genuine affection to her in both sexual and non sexual way, she will eventually switch to a more advanced, double-mode, 'wife plus mommy', this is the mode where she is still a caring mommy for the baby, but anytime there is a need or desire for it, she switch her role temporarily from 'mommy' to 'sexy wife', wife who desires lots of pleasurable sex with hubby.." 

But then again, not every woman are capable of such advanced double-mode. 

Your wife can be such advanced double-mode woman, but she has to want it from herself. If she herself does not want to possess such double-mode ability, then you can sweet-talk her until you are blue in the face and green in the tongue, and still she won't change. Maybe even after you bought her an oil well in Arabia, she still won't change.

Some people may tell you something like this "If she really loves you, equally with loving your children, then why wouldn't she make an effort to want to have such double-mode ability?"

This is something that her and only her can answer. Maybe if you make more sincere efforts to show your love and affection to her, she will give you the answer you desire. 

But even the best of efforts may fail, if there are no more desire for you on her part. This could happen and I do not wish to give you false hope. Maintaining a satisfying marriage was never an easy job to begin with. To break a marriage is very easy, to maintain is incredibly not easy.

Sorry to be long-winded. English is not my first language, so my sincerest apologies if my expressions are rather difficult to comprehend.


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## harsosuao (Jan 17, 2013)

It frightened me to think that I would enjoy my child sucking on my breast like my husband liked to do.


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