# How soon to start dating after divorce



## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Hey guys I could use some advice. My divorce court is in two days. I want to start dating again as soon as I can. I know it's not good to jump into a relationship while still recovering from the last but I am a very lonely man.
My concern is though the WW and I both want the divorce I really don't want to hurt her,though I really shouldn't care after the way she has done me.
AND we have three grown children and seven grandchildren and I don't want to hurt them should it hurt them to find out I am out with other women after 38 years of marriage to their mother/grandmother.
The loneliness I feel is not from missing the WW but because I have no friends now and am a sad sack and lonely mess and I need someone to talk to and I do want to look for love again.
I am a person that wants and needs love to be complete.
I have no idea what to beware of or think about with trying to date again after so long.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Have you looked into a support group or volunteering somewhere to help you connect with others? Just a thought.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

This is me said:


> Have you looked into a support group or volunteering somewhere to help you connect with others? Just a thought.


Yes,I am going to a D&S support group with about 21 women and about 5 men in it,lol. Wasn't predetermined that way,I had no idea how many women would be in the group. 
About half of those women I find to have attractive looks or qualities about them. But I havn't dated in so long I don't even know how to flirt anymore,,,I don't think I do,lol. 
But some of them are hurting and perhaps not emotionally stable enough to want to date. And I guess I am still reeling some too from such a long marriage coming to an end. But, after my divorce is final I may talk to some of them to see if they would like to be friends. And to add too my not knowing how soon to date, I guess I am sensitive right now and though I am attractive for my age I fear rejection at this point.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I think you need to spend sometime getting comfortable with yourself. Enjoy life by yourself for a bit. That way, you know you aren't codependent on anyone when it comes to enjoying life. Someone else will then be a compliment to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you're just now discovering that as men get older the male female availability ratio really changes in their favor. Where as guys in their 20s need to hunt, guys in their 50s can often browse.

Just remember to pick carefully, and it you break it you buy it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> I think you're just now discovering that as men get older the male female availability ratio really changes in their favor. Where as guys in their 20s need to hunt, guys in their 50s can often browse.
> 
> Just remember to pick carefully, and it you break it you buy it!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How does that happen? I would think the odds would be about the same figuring a divorce puts one of each back on the market. I talked with an old friend who's ex D'd him earlier this year and he made the same statement. Guess his love life has never been better. 

As someone possibly facing this, it is encouraging to hear there may be a second life out there for me if this one ends.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

This is me said:


> How does that happen? I would think the odds would be about the same figuring a divorce puts one of each back on the market. I talked with an old friend who's ex D'd him earlier this year and he made the same statement. Guess his love life has never been better.
> 
> As someone possibly facing this, it is encouraging to hear there may be a second life out there for me if this one ends.


You are presumed to be generally more well established than a younger man, hopefully smarter, and know your way around a relationship, and a woman.

This is the belief ... let's keep the truth a secret shall we?

I have dated more in the last two years than I did in my late teens, early twenties.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

This is me said:


> How does that happen? I would think the odds would be about the same figuring a divorce puts one of each back on the market. I talked with an old friend who's ex D'd him earlier this year and he made the same statement. Guess his love life has never been better.
> 
> As someone possibly facing this, it is encouraging to hear there may be a second life out there for me if this one ends.


From what I am seeing it is the truth. However, a certain percentage of those women are being very picky and looking for a good looking man that will let them be 'theirself',so to speak AND,a man that has some money. I don't have money but I do have good looks and love to give. There are alot of women in my age group that have longed for true love but havn't had it. I feel this is a plus for me. And that I am a long term relationship guy. 
But Shaggy,lol, what does,"if you break it you buy it" mean?
If you break their heart you will pay? Lol, I do think I am reading that in some womens disposition in this D&S group. I hope women over 50 don't want a guy to walk on egg shells till he proves himself true,lol.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

I was divorced when I was 53, and had no trouble finding dates, I was surprised. I originally filled my mind with "I should wait for xxx years, etc." My therapist kept saying that the "shoulds" we have in our head aren't always healthy. 

I was happily married again, within two years. 

Had I delayed my dating due to my "shoulds" I wouldn't have met my wonderful wife.

_(I should say, however, that my marriage had really been over for several years, my ex and I just didn't see it has being over. We were essentially argumentative roommates for over 10 years. So even before I initiated the separation and divorce, I had already gone through morning over loss of the relationship, and was ready for a healthy fresh start.... if my divorce had been sudden and filled with anger, I would not have felt ready as soon, I'm sure). _


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> I think you're just now discovering that as men get older the male female availability ratio really changes in their favor. Where as guys in their 20s need to hunt, guys in their 50s can often browse.
> 
> Just remember to pick carefully, and it you break it you buy it!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't understand this factoid. Isn't it commonly accepted that most men age a bit better then women? And if so...wouldn't that mean that there are many more attractive MEN out there, over WOMEN? Meaning....a surplus of attractive men....so WOMEN would have more of a pick? What am I missing?


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