# Advice on sex life with wife



## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

I am a 30 year old man, married for last 5 years and we have a child. We both met in sweden and lived together for about 8 months. Then my wife got pregnant and went back to US while I stayed back and continued working. Still we see each other after every 6 months for few months so we could spend time together as a family.

The problem I face is that I do not feel like having sex with my wife anymore which is creating some serious problems between us. My wife always craves for it but when we are together, I try to avoid it or when we attempt to have sex, I cannot keep an erection, I feel very pressured(pressure of what if i can't keep an erection) and feels like I am having an anxiety attack. No doubt my wife is very beautiful but I don't feel any intimacy from her like I use to in the beginning of our relation. At times she gets really furious when I lose my erection and of course it makes me feel worse about myself. I have tried many different things except Viagra but nothing seems to work. She even opened up about watching porn together so I could stay hard, we tried that once but it made me release embarrassingly fast plus there are 100 feelings running through my mind at that time. I have been in bed with women much better than my wife but nothing to complain because my wife is down to anything.

On the other hand when my wife is away from me, I feel extremely sexually active. I get intimated even looking at pictures of girls wearing clothes(only pictures) & porn makes me even more hornier. But the problem doesn't end there, I have even slept around when my wife isn't living with me. But I realized 2/10 times I am unsuccessful mainly because of lack of intimacy. When I look at my life, I realize that sexually I am more satisfied with what I see online than real life people. 

Soon I will be living with my wife permanently and I am very worried that after first couple intercourse we will face the same problems in the bed again. I love my wife & child more than anything in the world but at times it makes me very nervous how can I sexually improve our relation.

Please advice me how to save my marriage.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Stop screwing around would be a great first start. 

I think you have a commitment phobia. The sex was great before you had a child, because it was just fun and games then. Now it's serious and you are feeling trapped. You want to play the field, but you shouldn't now, and you are scared.

Either seek help to overcome this or do your wife a favor and leave her.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i have found that the more porn you look at for release, the more you need it. or the less intimate you are with your wife. almost like you are replacing her with it.
maybe try suggesting she dress/act/say what turns you on about porn. let her be a part of it (or all of it).


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## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

Thank you for all your replies. I have not been fooling around for over an year now, none the less, I feel pretty bad about my actions. I have been facing these demons for a long time. I have also talked about this with some close guy friends, and they don't know what to advise me.

When I look at girls in pictures (this includes my wife as well) I get turned on but when I see them in real I feel like I am about to have an anxiety attack. If I should see someone about this, please tell me who?


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Do your wife a favor and go get STD checked prior to engaging with her again...it is the least you could do.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

y3zalman said:


> Thank you for all your replies. I have not been fooling around for over an year now, none the less, I feel pretty bad about my actions. I have been facing these demons for a long time. I have also talked about this with some close guy friends, and they don't know what to advise me.
> 
> When I look at girls in pictures (this includes my wife as well) I get turned on but when I see them in real I feel like I am about to have an anxiety attack. If I should see someone about this, please tell me who?


See a marriage counsellor. They can direct you to a someone else directly if need be.

Stop looking at pictures if that's what's turning you on. You've likely trained your mind to enjoy the fantasy, not real life. You need to retrain your brain.

I'd also advise talking to the marriage counsellor about your affairs. You'll likely need to unload your guilt about them at some point. Better to do it now then let it fester. 

And if you can't control the cheating, control the situation. Make yourself single again. For yourself and for your wife who clearly doesn't deserve to be treated this way.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Excellent post, Mr. Kingsfan.

I just want to add one thing. Mr. OP, if you cannot stay sexually loyal in a monogamous relationship, don't get married.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

If you get too addicted to porn you can get porn induced ED and you will lose your intimacy desires...it becomes more about t the act then the intimacy. Lay off the porn would be a good idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

Getting aroused by the idea of a person (picture) but feeling stressed and anxious when faced with a real person (anxiety attack) sounds like a form of social anxiety disorder. Do you have problems dealing with people in other, non sexual, manners? Not living with your wife will deprive you of feelings of intimacy, she will feel like a stranger to you and you will have your anxiety issues. This IS something that can be overcome, with medical and psychological help.


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## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

Thank you for bringing this up as well. My socializing has been very limited since the beginning even during my college days till now at work I am considered as the silent & shy type. Plus my job is not something in which I have to interact with people on a large scale or sometimes interact at all.

After marriage, my wife asked me to cut off myself from my female friends (although there wasn't anything suspicious & I was very loyal to her). So to answer your question, yes at times I have difficulty talking to people. It won't show in my behavior or the way I talk, but on a comfort level, I do not feel relaxed.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You have a lot of problems, and are risking your marriage and health.

A good marriage will have a good emotional and physical connection. You are denying your wife this and don't be surprised if she finally has enough and leaves you.

The cheating is wrong and must stop, get counselling.

Also stop watching porn, it sounds like your ED could be very related to porn.

As for the panic attacks, you need to see a professional about that too.


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## peteG (Feb 12, 2013)

Why are you sleeping around? Man if you are worried about your wifes's feelings this probably isn't the best thing to do.

Try some viagra it works well! I usually just take a tiny amount, like 10mg and rock my wife's wirld:smthumbup:


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

y3zalman said:


> Thank you for bringing this up as well. My socializing has been very limited since the beginning even during my college days till now at work I am considered as the silent & shy type. Plus my job is not something in which I have to interact with people on a large scale or sometimes interact at all.
> 
> *After marriage, my wife asked me to cut off myself from my female friends (although there wasn't anything suspicious & I was very loyal to her). *So to answer your question, yes at times I have difficulty talking to people. It won't show in my behavior or the way I talk, but on a comfort level, I do not feel relaxed.


Clearly. I mean you admit you've been running around on her, but yeah, she doesn't have anything to worry about and you are immensely loyal. Think about what you are saying. Does that make any sense, really?


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Really?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

y3zalman said:


> I am a 30 year old man, married for last 5 years and we have a child. We both met in sweden and lived together for about 8 months. Then my wife got pregnant and went back to US while I stayed back and continued working. Still we see each other after every 6 months for few months so we could spend time together as a family.
> 
> The problem I face is that I do not feel like having sex with my wife anymore which is creating some serious problems between us. My wife always craves for it but when we are together, I try to avoid it or when we attempt to have sex, I cannot keep an erection, I feel very pressured(pressure of what if i can't keep an erection) and feels like I am having an anxiety attack. No doubt my wife is very beautiful but I don't feel any intimacy from her like I use to in the beginning of our relation. At times she gets really furious when I lose my erection and of course it makes me feel worse about myself. I have tried many different things except Viagra but nothing seems to work. She even opened up about watching porn together so I could stay hard, we tried that once but it made me release embarrassingly fast plus there are 100 feelings running through my mind at that time. I have been in bed with women much better than my wife but nothing to complain because my wife is down to anything.
> 
> ...



I think you are scared and nervous about real commitment and aren't really attracted to your wife.

Stop sleeping around on her because that's cheating!!! Would you like it if she was sleeping around on you???

If looking at porn by yourself gets you horny and hard but your wife not so much, could be the ladies you are looking at are un-realistically attractive, wearing sexy outfits, super hot bodies and really into the sex acts because they are HD individuals and are really great at it. If you look at that and get used to that, everything else, your wife, will fail in comparison.

Try viagra.

Find out what sexual acts you really love and do drive you wild. Tell her and get her to do those acts with you.

Find out what sexy outfits drive you crazy. Tell her and get her to wear them.

What fetishes and fantasies you have, tell her and get her to do them with you.

If you are anxious around your beautiful wife, tell her this and that when having sex, take it slow, no pressure, relax, etc.

You can always use a small vibrator on her while giving her oral at the same time, to a mind blowing orgasm. She won't be complaining then.

You can always wear a strap on if you have issues staying hard and last for as long as she wants. Get a vibrating one that's the size she wants.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I concur with Viagra or Cialis. You will be able to perform and gain back your confidence. Stop the porn, and stop cheating on your wife!


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

KanDo said:


> I concur with Viagra or Cialis. You will be able to perform and gain back your confidence. Stop the porn, and stop cheating on your wife!


:iagree:


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## Kari (Feb 17, 2012)

Zombie thread


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Nope, Troll thread...or at the very least he enjoys pretending to be many different people or changing up his stories
See Parenting forum post about his "wife" is pregnant and he's scared
See addiction thread etc


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