# LD, Introvert, Pessimist are they related?



## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Hello All,
I have been reading here a long time and recently started posting. This is my first thread. I am impressed with how many very intelligent people post here and have truly learned a lot. I am still struggling with my LD wife of 26 years.

I have been thinking a lot regarding some posts about whether people would marry again knowing what they now know about their spouses, and posts regarding warning signs of a LD person.

My wife has the personality traits I listed in my thread title and it seems to me they may go hand in hand. I am wondering how many people notice these traits in their LD partner. Should these be considered warning signs? I like to study and learn about human behaviour, I am not a Phsychiatrist but I did stay at a Holiday INN Express last night! Am I onto something or way off base?


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Hmmm, I'm LD, introverted, and optimistic. H is introverted, pessimistic, and average D. Guess I never considered how these might be related.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Don't know how science-terrific this is going to be. Seems like everyone is different. I will say that as I became more pessimistic, my sex drive slowly increasingly waned until it was almost non-existent. 

I think there is a correlation for me. A feeling there is some kind of hope drives the sex drive for me. Not just hope in the relationship/marriage, but hope in an increasingly better life together. 

Separating out whether it is hope in having a materially better life or the relationship is where I got stuck. 

Less communication can translate, for me, into, "Everything is great", "No news is good news". That's not the case in reality. It means someone or both have given up trying. 

Edit: Not taking into account my level of health and age, is an important omission. It's not all just in the head where the problems arise. It is a big part of it, though.

So, yes, I think you may be on to something. Who knows for sure though?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I don't think there's any correlation. My ex was LD, extroverted, and mostly optimistic. I'm HD, introverted, and optimistic.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

OP, check your definitions of "introvert" and "extrovert". You may be misunderstanding the definitions.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

HD, Introvert, borderline pessimist here.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No correlation in my husband or me.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> OP, check your definitions of "introvert" and "extrovert". You may be misunderstanding the definitions.


Thanks, but I have my understanding of the terms correct.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

HD in a low sex marriage is bound to start becoming a pessimist. But which came first? I don't see any correlation, but even if there is, it would be a huge leap to go from there to causation.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

I know some people may be pessimistic due to the situation they have found themselves in (long term sexless marriage with no solution in sight). I am referring to the natural pessimists. People who are like this for no apparent reason


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> HD in a low sex marriage is bound to start becoming a pessimist. But which came first? I don't see any correlation, but even if there is, it would be a huge leap to go from there to causation.


You are likely correct that it is a huge leap. I am just curious to see how many LD people share these traits. It kind of seems to me that they would go hand in hand. 

Of course it would not be the first time I was way off, just ask my wife.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I am an introvert and HD. My wife is an extrovert and LD.

Now depression can certainly lower your drive just in case that is a possibility.

_Posted via *Topify* using Android_


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I am HD, very optimistic, and I lean toward introvert.

I don't think this is going to add up to anything. People come in so many flavors....


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

There is always a reason some are, "pessimistic". It may not be understandable to, "optimists". However, the reverse is also true. Usually, it's how one is raised and the rewards which come from efforts throughout life. When the reward falls well short of the effort, the effort slowly falls away. When the type of effort or plan changes to achieve what is desired, and the reward is still not adequate, pessimism increases. I believe this to be true even when we are talking about sex.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

My wife and I both test introvert on the Myers Briggs. Introvert means that we draw energy from being alone. It is not that we don't enjoy being around people, but there comes a point that we just have have some solitude. We can ride for hours in the car in complete silence. I tend to be HD; she tends to be LD. Calling her LD is an oversimplification. It is more accurate to say that she has responsive desire. This means that she rarely thinks about sex until we get started. She then responds quiet nicely!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My wife is LD, introvert, and pessimistic... I am non-LD, extrovert, and pessimistic...


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I'm an extrovert and optimistic, my husband is pessimistic and an introvert. He's higher drive than me, although I'm not low drive. 

I'd say stress affects his drive, which may be linked to the other traits. We very rarely drop below 2x a week though.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hmm. Anybody have a link to a reliable chart that states how many times a week is HD and LD and LDL.......no not that last one. That's cholesterol. haha Serious about this chart. I thought 2x per week was low drive? 3 times a week was borderline low drive or low drive? I thought HD was 7 or more times a week?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Hmm. Anybody have a link to a reliable chart that states how many times a week is HD and LD and LDL.......no not that last one. That's cholesterol. haha Serious about this chart. I thought 2x per week was low drive? 3 times a week was borderline low drive or low drive? I thought HD was 7 or more times a week?


If 2x is low drive then that includes the majority of long term couples. My wife must be super extra low drive ... SELD for short

_Posted via *Topify* using Android_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Those who are pessimistic many times have a Melancholy temperament* (me & my husband are both secondary Melancholy)......we are geared to look for inconsistencies, and problems that lie ahead, we are deep thinkers & when presented with an idea...immediately the wheels are turning .... we analyze every foreseeable problem/ warning that lies ahead....this can be good in many ways..as we are highly prepared & dependable people...we don't miss a beat (somewhat perfectionist)....or this can be bad as it can paralyze us from action.. 

Another factor not mentioned could be a person's *Love Languages*....if a spouse has "*Physical Touch*" at the top of their love languages ..these people greatly love to cuddle, kiss, hug, hands all over each other -this almost always leads to some upped sexual tension = more ! ... Even if their drive is normal... they may seem more like a High driver just cause this factor is at play....

*And the ability to orgasm *for a woman, if she is not getting there...this could hamper her experience...causing a lower drive response.. 

Let's see... husband is Introverted, Happy calm temperament (Being Primary Phlegmatic)...has always LOVED sex.. though not antsy "got to have you right now" drive, he is more led by the craving for "emotional connection" towards us being intertwined together in the sensual heights of Loving each other... He is a "Making Love man". 

ME.. I am more Extroverted, split between natural pessimist & Bubbly person -depending on the issue at hand...Good Sex drive, (highest in Mid life due to hormonal changes), would never call myself LD but husband thought so in our past when he was being too passive with his own needs...and I had my head in the clouds somewhere...

I don't feel these things can be BOXED..some Introverted Pessimists may have decently high testosterone and Sex is their way of alleviating stress... a book I have on libido types would call this a "*dependent Libido*"...

So many variables to sort through to one's lack of interest (LD) ...to one's seemingly HIGH Drive... 4 yrs ago, I would say I was more led by raging hormones..chasing my husband down... this has calmed...now I am more led by .. the emotional connection...the Romance of togetherness.. this keeps us "rocking".


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

We are both extrovert, optimistic and very HD.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Introvert, optimist, average drive here. Lol. I don't think they go hand in hand, but interesting thought.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> If 2x is low drive then that includes the majority of long term couples. My wife must be super extra low drive ... SELD for short
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using Android_


Thank you. I looked this up and found something. There are two pages. 



> According to David Schnarch, PhD, through a study conducted with more than 20,000 couples, he found that only 26% of couples are hitting the once-a-week mark, with the majority of the respondents reporting sex only once or twice a month, or less!
> 
> However, another study, printed in The University of Chicago Press about 10 years ago, stated that married couples are having sex about seven times a month, which is a little less than twice a week. And in a third study, it was reported that out of the 16,000 adults interviewed, the older participants were having sex about 2 to 3 times per month, while younger participants said they were having sex about once a week.


That was a quick search. I found that here: How Often Do â€˜Normalâ€™ Couples Have Sex?

Some of you think you have it bad. Some do. What you may have is maybe just, not the way you want it. Seems like most folks, including me and my x2, had things all wrong. I wonder how many are led astray and divorce for reasons less than reality?


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

I'm LD, extrovert and very optimistic.
Husband is HD, introvert and can be negative and pessimistic, 
about life in general. 

I doubt they all have anything to do with one another. JMO!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

I am introverted, pessimistic, and very HD. My h is extroverted, more optimistic than I am, and lower drive


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm HD, Introvert, and "Pessimist"

Besides a pessimist is what an optomist calls -> A realist!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Hmm. Anybody have a link to a reliable chart that states how many times a week is HD and LD and LDL.......no not that last one. That's cholesterol. haha Serious about this chart. I thought 2x per week was low drive? 3 times a week was borderline low drive or low drive? I thought HD was 7 or more times a week?


Such numbers are meaningless if they fail to take into consideration the social and economic realities that are present. 

It's like saying that everyone with a six figure income drives a BMW. Some do, some don't. 

My experience with self reported data in general leaves much to be desired, from mythical starting salaries to job responsibilities to work status to anything. Even in Europe where we supposedly did it like bunnies in the cities and the villages were chaste it was largely the exact opposite.

LD and HD are relative terms subject to some reasonable interpretation. Koala bears vs rabbits basically


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

I am glad I posted this question even though it looks like I was wrong (please don't tell my wife I just admitted that lol). It looks like these traits may be completely random and unrelated. 

Thanks everyone for replying.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I'd say its off base.

I have known many introverted women who are downright high drive sexual freaks. The old adage "its always the quiet ones", has some truth to it.

Now, low drive and pessimism are quite likely related IMO. These are common traits of depression.

My spidey sense is telling me that your wife may be somewhat depressive (which is very different from being sad, don't make that mistake).

As for me, I'm like "medium" everything. Moderate drive, not distinctively optimistic or pessimistic, and I'm an introvert who regularly behaves extroverted.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

john117 said:


> Such numbers are meaningless if they fail to take into consideration the social and economic realities that are present.
> 
> It's like saying that everyone with a six figure income drives a BMW. Some do, some don't.
> 
> My experience with self reported data in general leaves much to be desired, from mythical starting salaries to job responsibilities to work status to anything. Even in Europe where we supposedly did it like bunnies in the cities and the villages were chaste it was largely the exact opposite.[/COLOR]LD and HD are relative terms subject to some reasonable interpretation. Koala bears vs rabbits basically


This remided me of something my wife used to say when were dating.

She is from South America, a very Catholic place. She used to tell me that the girls there were not as promiscuous as they are in America. I asked if that were true then why do the guys from there have such reputations as sleeping around quite frequently. I explained that either one or both groups were lying or there was a small number of women getting a hell of a lot of action. My experience tells me that both groups are doing a lot of lying.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I'd say its off base.
> 
> I have known many introverted women who are downright high drive sexual freaks. The old adage "its always the quiet ones", has some truth to it.
> 
> ...


That could be possible and is something I will look into.
Thanks for the tip


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I guess I'm considered high drive.I'm introverted and I'd say a healthy mix of optimist and pessimist. 

DH is likely considered high drive.He's introverted and typically pessimistic with a touch of optimism on occasion.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Introverted here, I don't know if I'm LD, for me that issue runs deeper - sex is on my brain constantly, but the pursuit of it rarely comes out. I've been labeled a pessimist before, but like I don't express my burning sexuality, nor does my eternal hopeful optimism get expressed aloud. (i suppose I am just very, very introverted to the extreme)

Times when I have expressed optimism it seems it had only ever set up expectations of me by others, which always leads to their disappointment. So I am just careful about sharing my inner passions until times when I know I can live up to the expectations that accompany that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> *I'm HD, Introvert, and "Pessimist"
> 
> Besides a pessimist is what an optomist calls -> A realist!*


I like this.. I consider myself a Realist also... I have to keep my feet on the ground... Didn't peg you for an Introvert though.

There is a poster here by the name of "*OptimisticPessimist*" -I noticed his posts early on - brilliant thoughts... his name stood out... I would label myself something like that ..

Your Soon to be x misses (or rekindled wifey) would call you Low Drive..


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Interesting look at it... 
Well all I can say is I'm introvert and pessimist, and I'm HD...

My wife is an extrovert and optimistic and extremely HD...

But I guess it's all about point of view


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I like this.. I consider myself a Realist also... I have to keep my feet on the ground... Didn't peg you for an Introvert though.
> 
> There is a poster here by the name of "*OptimisticPessimist*" -I noticed his posts early on - brilliant thoughts... his name stood out... I would label myself something like that ..
> 
> Your Soon to be x misses (or rekindled wifey) would call you Low Drive..


I am an introvert to most people, extrovert on the outside only. 

And yeah compared to her I'm LD, but she's ID (insane drive) so meh!


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