# Consider a new life...



## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

I am (32) yrs old, I have two children, 1 from my previous marriage and one with my current marriage. My oldest son has Autism Spectrum. I have been married since 2008. During our marriages my husband never made any attempts to seek marital counseling because he, doesn't believe it or, he doesn't want to open up to people because he has some kind of issues where he just cant talk to people about our marriage issues. I have attempt several time to try to make our marriage work. In 2009, I was pregnant with my son and he said he promise to see a marital counselor after the baby was born, well he never did that either. During this marriage their has been issues with my husband communicating with his Ex- girlfriends, most of them are in another state and all of them wanted to have sex with him. I felt that my husband disrespects me as a person. He doesnt understand me at all. I feel that when your married you both need to break. All my husband does is complain about how he bend over backwards and I dont appreciate him at all because he took two contract jobs in Afghanistan. That he spoils me with gifts, and show me love. Ok, gifts and etc doesn't make up for all the **** he put me through in the past. My husband cheated on me with his ex and I cheated on him with high school person. But, my husband came home for two weeks, all he did was complain about how I didn't give him enough attention. I am a mom of two children, and I feel that I have been a single parent raising two children by myself without his support hes been deployed most of the time of our marriage. I feel that he should that I should get a break once in awhile since I have played a role for mother, cooking,cleaning, providing for my children, I also take the kids to school, i pick them up and I get no credit. All my husband complained about because I didnt send him care package when he was deployed or i didnt mail him a letter. We both lost our jobs so I was living with my mother and father at the time. Which means my parents didnt like the idea that I wanted to get back with my husband because he abandon us because he cheated on me and he ran out of money. So his theory was to go back to NJ. Everytime I feel like he has changed he goes back to his same habits. I feel that I have mature alot since being a mother and grew up alot too. My husband still thinks hes this 16 yr old kid. He hasnt really been around his son, i had my son in 2010 and hes been in his life maybe the longest 6 months, my son is 2 1.2 yrs old, he has missed birthdays, thanksgiving, and etc. Today he tells hes drawing up a separation paper giving my son to me and he will pay 350.00 a month for child support. I dont think he can handle the responsibility being a father to our son if he wasn't with anyone. Than he tells me he will see his son when he can. WTF??? Our biggest arguments are mainly over stupid petty stuff, helping out around the house and with the kids. Is it that hard? All i ask for to clean up and help out. I shouldnt have to ask a grown ass man to take the trash out, I thought since he was home for R&R he can help me and give me a break but it didnt go that way. He complained that I didnt give him any affection vs attention while he was here. Helloooo... I have a 8 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old. Final straw was he was tired of me complaining about his parents and etc because he knows how I feel about them. His parents basically treated my son with autism and grab him and yelled at him like a piece of **** and nobody didnt do ****. I had to suck it up and let it happen. Than he told me if he was offer a job in Va that we can move there and buy a house. I am happy here in Texas. My oldest son has autism since i been married to him my son has been in 6 different schools from Kg-3RD GRADE. I dont think he understands the concepts of having a child with Autism and he doesnt understand that the needs my son needs. He says he does but I dont think so.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

He wanted more attention from you on the occasions that he was home from being deployed.

For whatever reasons you were unable to deliver.

He's now leaving you.

At this point there isn't much left to do except make sure you get a fair deal. I'd check your local laws to see if his child support offer is fair and whether you're entitled to spousal support. 

Try to work it out without expensive litigation. 

Use paragraphs.


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## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

Tonight he decided to change his mind. He tells me all I ask for his attention.

When he is home their is alot of stuff that annoys me. Not helping with the kids

I am one person I have a child with a disability and another child doesnt.

I think when he was home he should gave me a break, his therapy is all I had to do is ask for it.

If he was with me he complains about this and when he was in NJ he complains with his family. Its a no win situation.

Now all of the sudden he changed his mind again,


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm trying to make sense out of your posts but I'm failing miserably. Either they make no sense or they're contradictory. Perhaps you can help me to help you.



Italian_Mami31 said:


> I feel that when your married you both need to break.


You need to break what?



Italian_Mami31 said:


> My husband cheated on me with his ex and I cheated on him with high school person.


Ok, you're both cheaters, neither one of you trusts the other, and for good reason. You're complaining about him contacting other women, but you screwed some guy from high school. Seems to me like you're calling the kettle black. You don't have time to give him attention but you had time to cheat on him!



Italian_Mami31 said:


> But, my husband came home for two weeks, all he did was complain about how I didn't give him enough attention. I am a mom of two children, and I feel that I have been a single parent raising two children by myself without his support hes been deployed most of the time of our marriage.


He works full time, isn't that right? Who pays the bills? Or at least, who paid the bills prior to you moving in with parents? Does he send you money now? If so, that's him supporting you and his family. If he's not giving you any money than what's he doing with all the money he's making in the military?

You keep going on about how difficult it is to raise 2 kids, one who is disabled. You don't work, isn't that right? You have your entire day free to take care of your kids. Stop complaining. 



Italian_Mami31 said:


> Tonight he decided to change his mind. He tells me all I ask for his attention.


What does that even mean? "all you ask for his attention". Are all of you asking for his attention or is he still asking for your attention? Give him some freaking attention, he's your husband and he's never around. Maybe that's why he's never around, because all you do is complain to him!



Italian_Mami31 said:


> All my husband complained about because I didnt send him care package when he was deployed or i didnt mail him a letter.


You didn't mail him even one letter or care package? What about emails or phone calls? No attempt to contact him at all? Did he try to call you? Seems like something is missing here. When he goes away do the two of you act like the other has ceased to exist?




Italian_Mami31 said:


> We both lost our jobs so I was living with my mother and father at the time.


Wait, you had a job? Who watched the kids while you were working? Have you tried to find another job?



Italian_Mami31 said:


> He complained that I didnt give him any affection vs attention while he was here. Helloooo... I have a 8 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old.


Lots of mothers with young kids still find time to give their husband attention. Sometimes kids sleep. 




Italian_Mami31 said:


> His parents basically treated my son with autism and grab him and yelled at him like a piece of **** and nobody didnt do ****. I had to suck it up and let it happen.


No you didn't. If someone grabbed my kid they'd be on the floor. You didn't have to let it happen, you chose to let it happen. 



Italian_Mami31 said:


> Than he told me if he was offer a job in Va that we can move there and buy a house. I am happy here in Texas.


Yes you sound so happy in Texas. 



Italian_Mami31 said:


> his therapy is all I had to do is ask for it.


What does that even mean?


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## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

1) my husband has been deployed 2008,2009,2010,2011 & now 2012. 

The affair on both parts happen over a year ago we both forgave each other.. 

We both work, from 2006-2011 i gave up not one job, two jobs three jobs to pcs to where he was at. I moved from texas, ga, to nj back to tx. 

As for care packages, hes the reason not wanting them because he told me he has everything needed out there. 

If i did sent him a care package it would be return hes not returning to his own fob that is foward operation base in afghanistan. 


Phone calls? I cant call my husband from texas to afghanistan its a military fob.... 

Sorry yes i did do something about i told my husband and my sil is 200 lbs heavier than me and guarantee if i try to fight her my ass be in the ground u try being 125 lbs fighting a 255 elephant see how far it gets u.


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## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

My husband is never around because hes deployed... Hes in the army reserves and hes a dod contractor....


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## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

Last when i had a job, my children were in daycare which i 

paid for.... And yes i did try to find another job, my husband 

was active duty most of the time hes only been out of 

the army for 1 yr. So i had to give up several jobs. Right 

now i am a stay at home mom, now no i dont just stay at home,

i volunteer at my son school. My husband goes back to afghanistan this month, in october his plan was to look


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Italian_Mami31 said:


> my sil is 200 lbs heavier than me and guarantee if i try to fight her my ass be in the ground u try being 125 lbs fighting a 255 elephant see how far it gets u.


You said it was his parents that were grabbing and screaming at your son.

If it was my kid I'd fight to protect them even if I knew I might lose. That's what parents do.

Ok no phone calls or care packages. Can't you email him?


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## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> you said it was his parents that were grabbing and screaming at your son.
> 
> If it was my kid i'd fight to protect them even if i knew i might lose. That's what parents do.
> 
> Ok no phone calls or care packages. Can't you email him?



my husband is able to call,. I cant call him. However i do email him often most of the time we talk on fb every day or we talk on yahoo chat or skype.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Well, I'm glad we cleared all that up.


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