# Husband say doesn't love me and is Confused on his feelings



## Peach121 (Mar 17, 2017)

Hello

we re a 33y/0.couple, no children, been married 7, toghether 8, about 6 months ago husband had breakdown and said he wasn't sure what he felt about me, that he wasn't sure if he loved me enough, all that was said in surprise , I didn't feel or seen that something was wrong, same week we went to two appt with a therapyst, he tried to conect us physically, at the time I felt it had work but a month later, husband started being distant, not saying love you or any romantic gesture. He went to his country a week on December because his dad died and he tough that's where everything came from, I expected after the trip he will come back better but he didn't
January these year my mom came to visit for a week and he was more distant you could see he wasn't happy coming home, and when saying hi to me , he would give me a kiss on the cheek but I felt it not honest at all. At that time sex was like once a week but a quickly, no kisses no passion, of course he hasn't been romantic , not even hand touching
After my mom left he said wanted to try another therapist, we each had a appt alone and then one together , I liked her , the conclusioN back then was we were going to try being friends again and reconnect again, he wanted to sleep on the couch, and also the agreement was to continue therapy 
February everythIng continue the same, he bough pain for alcohol the exterior of the house which gave me hope ,but the situation continues same, we behave like roommates, no real emotional connection , no real important talk, 0 %,physical contact,
I started on January doing things for myself , exercise, trying to meet new people because truly I have been doing everything with him and I hadn't a strong personality bymyself which I is true and he said did t like about me. 
I noticed he didn't go back to therapy 
About two weeks ago I started realizing I m young, and deserve better, someone who cares about me, find me attractive, wants to kiss me, hug me, not everything is sex I know buts that's part of us human and to me that's marriage, I went back to the therapist last week, told her pretty much I would wait until July and if I see no change I would tell him to divorce 
But this week I'm confused, don't know if to try a real separation (living In another place) before making the decision , don't know if Is a rush decision... 
like how much to wait, Are about him but now I feel sad and upset that a son per my opinion he is not trying,,, he is a good guy in the sense no drugs or addictions, no partying, no abuse, he is good so I'm afraid to take the next step... what do you think?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I do not think waiting until July is rushing anything, it seems you are trying everything you can.

You can't make someone else love or want you no matter what you do, you said it yourself you are young and deserve to be with someone that will give you what you need.

Just because someone is not abusive or not addicted to drugs does not mean they are a good partner for you, life is short do what makes you happy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You are still young. You deserve to be loved.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Peach121 said:


> Hello
> 
> we re a 33y/0.couple, no children, been married 7, toghether 8, about 6 months ago husband had breakdown and said he wasn't sure what he felt about me, that he wasn't sure if he loved me enough, all that was said in surprise , I didn't feel or seen that something was wrong, same week we went to two appt with a therapyst, he tried to conect us physically, at the time I felt it had work but a month later, husband started being distant, not saying love you or any romantic gesture. He went to his country a week on December because his dad died and he tough that's where everything came from, I expected after the trip he will come back better but he didn't
> January these year my mom came to visit for a week and he was more distant you could see he wasn't happy coming home, and when saying hi to me , he would give me a kiss on the cheek but I felt it not honest at all. At that time sex was like once a week but a quickly, no kisses no passion, of course he hasn't been romantic , not even hand touching
> ...


Have you asked him why he is behaving like this? Have you actually tried to talk to him?

It could be

1. He is depressed, esp at the death of his Dad. Were you supportive, it sounds like you just wanted things to get back to normal after his Dad died, which does not sound very empathetic, this could be a problem for him. Maybe that is why he wants therapy?
Death can have a profound effect on a person.

2. He may be having interests elsewhere, i.e. in another woman - hence the distance.

Watch and observe. July is a long ways away, but yes you are doing the right thing by getting your ducks in a row.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

A wise person who counselled couples once told me that if my girlfriend or wife ever told me that they do not love me, to leave as soon as possible. Love is a chemical reaction in your brain that cannot be willed into or out of existence. Most think that the other person can be made to love them again when that is rarely the case. Can you look at someone and will yourself to love them or be attracted to someone who you are not attracted to? Once the love is gone, it is gone. Couples will stay together due to the children or the hassle of divorce and all that it entails financially or emotionally but you cannot make someone love you once those brain chemicals go away. At best you end up with a friend with benefits relationship. Sorry but I do not think your husband is confused. If you love someone you know it. You are not confused or in doubt about it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Divorce. He's not suddenly going to decide he loves you. He's looking for an exit now. No need to wait.
Once the love is gone, it doesn't return.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I have a feeling is he likely seeing another woman. Divorce him regardless, you dont need to be with someone who doesnt love you. Life isnt meant to be a prison sentence.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Those who say that when the love is gone, it's gone, are correct. I know because I'm there, fighting to try to fall in love with my own husband. It's a hard spot to be in for both people, and I haven't told my H yet, so I give your H kudos for speaking up and telling you; that can't be an easy thing to say. Listen to him; he's being truthful when he tells you this. There's nothing wrong with it not working out, and that doesn't mean that something is wrong with either of you guys; you're just not meant to be. I think it's fair for you to wait until July, but don't expect things to change.


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## dawnabon (Mar 11, 2017)

I've lived a lot of what you wrote over the course of the last few years and it's hell. You're young and have no kids? Run. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## Adiron (Mar 25, 2017)

Peach121 said:


> he bough pain for alcohol the exterior of the house which gave me hope


Why would him buying for alcohol the exterior of the house give you hope?

It gives me confusion.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

aine said:


> Have you asked him why he is behaving like this? Have you actually tried to talk to him?
> 
> It could be
> 
> ...


My thoughts exactly. Either another lady or he has depression. 
He needs to get medical help, and you also both need to sit down and get to the bottom of this. Is he open with his phone?


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