# What should I do @@males input [email protected]@



## welshfeathers (Nov 21, 2010)

During the last year I have been suffering from Chronic Depression due to an illness I had (trigeminal Nerve damage) to which noone has been able to help. The continued pain and worries of planning a wedding, thinking if I had a job or not, having an ectopic pregnancy all on top resulted in me being hurtful to my husband on our wedding day. The details are unknown as I can't remember, but it was hurtful enough for my husband to call us a day.
Three months on, i'm off my 30 tablets a day for pain, been going to counselling and have just started hypnothearphy and have been in contact with my husband. We started to have a trial and it was going good, until his parents found out. He then said he couldn't see him whilst living at home so had to have a think about it... He then called a day on us.

I'm so so upset as I would have never treated him other than with love if I was how I am now, a blip in my mental state has ruined our relationship. He says he doesn't know if he could ever open up again to me as I hurt him so bad.

I would like your opinion on what I could present him with to work with him to come back home and allow me to love and treat him the way he should be treated and regain that trust during the next coming months or year.

He is calling me today, and I'm dreading it as I am well I know how my feelings are, to which when I was on all themedication I didn't have any feelings. Not sure I can cope with him saying no its over as I hurt him whilst I was ill not whilst I am ME, the loving caring person I've always been.

Please help...


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

welshfeathers said:


> resulted in me being hurtful to my husband on our wedding day. The details are unknown as I can't remember, but it was hurtful enough for my husband to call it a day.


You need to find out what happened so you know what you are dealing with, him being mad at you is just a symptom of the problem.

Has he not told you why he's mad at you?


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## welshfeathers (Nov 21, 2010)

No he says he won't tell me as I can't remember and now I'm off all medication he doesn't want to hurt me by telling me what has happened. Its all a mess, he is protecting me in not telling me as he isn't coming back is what I feel.

I just want him to reliase he married someone who adores and loves him unconditionally and would never set out to hurt him and hoping he could come back and allow me to show him that love.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm not a fan of the concept of "unconditional love". If he beat you, tried to murder you, was abusive, cruel, or committed adultary, your feelings for him would change. None of us get a free pass. We have the right to expect certain decent treatment from our partners, sick or well, night or day, rich or poor, etc, etc, etc. If you are exchanging vows, you are telling your husband and the world that you are capable of participating as a full, loving partner in a healthy relationship. You have challenges, but your responsibility to treat your husband decently remains in spite of your challenges. There are deal-breakers. You have them and so does he. You both are responsible to yourselves and each other for your actions. If 30 tablets a day prevents you from functioning as a decent human being, perhaps you need to talk to your physician about a med change or altering the dosage. I'd rather feel some pain and have a spouse than feel none and be alone.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

It is likely that he fears that you will treat him like this anytime something bad happens. Maybe you should confront this and ask yourself if this can be changed in you. I think many guys will forgive if you acknowledge that the behavior was not proper, and that you will try not to be this way in the future. We have the mental capacity to take control of our behaviors.

On two occasions, I've worked for weeks before I finally went to a doctor and found out that I had a fractured bone in my foot. This type of pain is not as bad as what I normally feel. I live in daily pain as a result of a joint disease that pinches nerves in my spinal column, and my wife would never tolerate me taking it out on her other than for brief episodes. Sounds disheartening, but people who do not experience what you do often cannot ever really understand well enough to give long term passes. It really takes an adjustment on how you think of yourself, denying the tendency to see yourself as a victim.

But, you are asking for a man's POV. If you can let him know of your love for him, and find ways to let him know that he is amazing when he lets you lean on him, this opens the door for most guy's compassion. It's in the way you approach him.


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