# Valentine's Day and In-laws



## Achapin (Jan 30, 2015)

My husband and I are newlyweds and have never spent a Valentine's day together because of our 3 year long distance dating relationship. I'm was super excited to spend our first Valentine's together, kinda of...in the back of my mind I knew that we would not be spending it alone bcecause his dad's birthday is also the 14th. We currently live 9 hours away from his parents but husband insists that we spend Valentine's with his parents. My parents live in a different country. Husband says I'm being egotistical and insensitive bcecuase I want to do something different and special together as newlyweds...
I don't know what to do ;(


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Celebrate Valentine's day a day early? It's an arbitrary day anyway... And it will be much easier to go out for dinner then anyway.

C


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Either could be moved! But to foster a relatively new relationship with one's wife, I think that Valentines Day should be spent with her, then to celebrate Pop's Birthday the very next time that you're out there visiting!

Trust me on this one! He won't mind at all! Truth be told, Pop is already taking Mom(or vice versa) out for dinner that same night, and if he knows what's right for him, he had better be spending part of that time treating Mom as his very own special Valentine!*


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I agree that either could be moved, but I'd rather be practical and move valentines day. It's such a gong show anyway. Limited dinner menus (often), poor service, expensive... 

How old is his father going to be? How often do they see each other? Were his parents coming to see you two, or were you going there? 

One of my big concerns is that you two had a three year long distance relationship, and you don't really know how tightly bound he is to his parents, but I'm trying to be optimistic.

C


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

So why does not Mr Egotistical and Insensitive think that you are egotistical and insensitive?


It's his dad... in other words a grown man. I think his dad can suffer you two to have your own Valentines Day together. 

I think your husband needs to be a little more concerned about the two of you and a little less concerned about his grown up father.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Valentine's day is a bit of a sham and hallmark card day. It's only a day and the purpose is to be together as a couple, I really don't see why you can't do both. Why not spend day with dad....he won't be around forever so spend this time with him. After the day go to a hotel room, order room service and stay in. Everyone wins


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

PBear said:


> Celebrate Valentine's day a day early? It's an arbitrary day anyway... And it will be much easier to go out for dinner then anyway.
> 
> C


We celebrate Valentine's day on the 15th and started doing that when we were dating. Chocolate is half price, restaurants are much less crowded, flowers are back to regular price, and so on.  It has worked out great, so it's become a 'tradition' for us. My husband and I both really like it. 

You can celebrate either one a day early or later. I would mention both options to your new husband and talk it through.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Valentine's day is a bit of a sham and hallmark card day. It's only a day and the purpose is to be together as a couple, I really don't see why you can't do both. Why not spend day with dad....he won't be around forever so spend this time with him. After the day go to a hotel room, order room service and stay in. Everyone wins


I'm not a Valentine's day person myself, but the OP has indicated to her husband (and us) that the holiday is important *to her.* 

OP, I can't help but wonder why your husband won't honor your feelings on the matter? Doesn't seem unreasonable to me unless his father is extremely elderly or ill.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Nope, I disagree with everyone on this one. What is upsetting the OP is that this is the first Valentines of the marriage. This is setting a bad precedent for the future. It's not like valentines or dad's birthday are going to change this conflict will happen every year.
A smarter and more experienced husband would plan a over night trip So they can celebrate on the way to dads house. I was young and dumb in the same way. I didn't understand how important certain holidays were to my Wife. In my case it was independence day, not valentines. 
9 hours is a nasty long drive for a birthday.
MN


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## Achapin (Jan 30, 2015)

A nasty long trip on a bus for 9 hours...haha. Bah we are just working on a compromise which I think will be fine.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Achapin,
Thanks for checking back in.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Achapin said:


> A nasty long trip on a bus for 9 hours...haha. Bah we are just working on a compromise which I think will be fine.


So what was your compromise? 

C


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

bravenewworld said:


> I'm not a Valentine's day person myself, but the OP has indicated to her husband (and us) that the holiday is important *to her.*
> 
> OP, I can't help but wonder why your husband won't honor your feelings on the matter? Doesn't seem unreasonable to me unless his father is extremely elderly or ill.


And obviously spending time on dads birthday is important to him. So In a mature realtionship one person doesn't get the rule of this is important to me so your wants aren't. Again compromise..... it's possible to do both in one day


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

We hardly ever do Valentine's Day on the 14th if it falls during the middle of the week. So, we turned it into Valentine's Week, and pick whatever day works best for us to open the champagne.


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

Celebrate it on a different day this time and join him in visiting his parents. That's your compromise. But ask for next year's Vday for just the two of you.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Valentine's day is a great idea, especially for the shopkeepers. I'd just take some timeout to say 'I Love You', without the pressure of performing like some wound up bunny. Good Luck xxx


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Does your husband plan to travel for 9 hours every year (& drag you along with him) to see his dad on his birthday? That's a bit excessive. How about Skype?


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