# Rejection Excuses



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Just thought this could be a funny (in a sad sort of way thread). What are some of the reasons you have been given for being denied sex from your spouse?

The latest absurd one occurred today. I was rejected today because the vacuuming was more important. This is even more sad when you realize that we have a cleaning service every 2 weeks.

The weird part is that I don't even care anymore.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So you took the vacuum cleaner away from her and danced her into the bedroom right?


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

ha ha!! That is just her mode of operation. Find any excuse to avoid being intimate. As I stated, it is so common that I really just don't care any longer. I am afraid that I have checked out.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm so sorry. I know that must hurt a lot.


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

After all of the years, not really any more. You build up a thick skin over time. I just thought others could share some of the more outrageous excuses they hear for the rejection. Just a way to get a chuckle out of the craziness.


----------



## Bagavadgita (Nov 12, 2013)

My ex used these excuses: 

It's too cold outside 

I just ate two hours ago 

I just got home from work 

I'm hungry 

I walked home in the cold


----------



## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

My FH would say:

"It's sore."

How can it be sore if we never do it?

Oh, wait....THAT'S why. LOL dummy me!


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Back in my dark days, the two most common that I used were:

It is too hot
or
It is too cold


----------



## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

My favorite was "thats gross, you pee out of there".


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My STBX didn't use many excuses. She would just drink until she "fell asleep" downstairs and not come up to bed till well after I was asleep. But before she figured that one out, I got enough rain checks to wall paper a house.

C


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

woundedwarrior said:


> My favorite was "thats gross, you pee out of there".


*Now that woman was in need of some serious therapy for having made that remark.*

*The excuses that I've encountered from my skanky, cheating XW included such favorites as:**:
 I'm having my period!(She really wasn't!)
I feel bloated!l
I'm too tired!
I've got to get up early in the morning.(That rarely ever happened)
I just got back from Europe. Give me a few days to catch up.
I'm not fresh! And I don't feel like bathing right now!
I just got home from my road trip!

Didn't really think about No. 7 all that much at the time. But in retrospect, that's when she was banging her BF's on those long intrastate road trips of hers!*


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

bbdad said:


> ha ha!! That is just her mode of operation. Find any excuse to avoid being intimate. As I stated, it is so common that I really just don't care any longer. I am afraid that I have checked out.


I am starting to be that way as well. 

Anyways, her excuse 95% of the time is that she is not in the mood.

Too tired and too stressed take up the other 5%

I get upstaged on a regular basis by events like her co-worker's cat dying, her ex-coworker having a baby shower, or Grey's Anatomy is on.


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

We did it les than a week ago. 

I guess there is a quota system in place that I was not privy to.


----------



## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

In the middle of winter...

"It makes me too hot."


----------



## Karenwalker (Nov 13, 2013)

Oldrandwisr said:


> In the middle of winter...
> 
> "It makes me too hot."


My ears itch. My feet are sweaty. I think my ph is off. There's a dark moon rising.


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

My wife's favorite excuse is... "Honey, we've already done it 4 times this morning!"


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

JK... Now, my first wife ... 

We had an active sex life before we got married.

Once we got married, "She needed a little more time to get used to the idea."

And that started on the honeymoon.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I want to go to the store
I'm tired
I'm trying to sleep

The last rejection was met with "I don't love you and haven't loved you for a long time. I want a divorce". And that was the last time I ever saw him.


----------



## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

your weenie is too small


----------



## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

jk, btw


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

(01) I worked today
(02) I have to make supper and food for work
(03) I was on the phone, it's late
(04) I'm tired
(05) It's too late
(06) I have a headache
(07) You already got it once a few days ago
(08) I have to do the laundry later

hehehe......


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mine included:

- Not in the mood
- Headache
- Toothache
- Muscle ache
- Tummy ache
- (Our daughter) is still up
- I'm tired
- We just had it a few hours ago
- I'm busy
- I'm drunk
- Too easy
- I'm tired
- This isn't the right time
- My mind is preoccupied
- I just ate
- You just fed me something bad
- The house is in a mess
- I'm all sweaty
- I'm tired
- I'm sleepy
- I'm tired
- I want an early night
- I'm tired
- My muscles are sore from my workout
- I'm tired
- I have alot of stress from work
- I'm tired
- Balls need to repopulate
- I'm tired
- My c--k is sore
- I'm tired

Guess you get the general idea


----------



## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

I'm going to bed
Goodnight
I'm exhausted
Soon
We're getting close
I've got some demons
I do want to but....


----------



## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

My husbands most popular excuse is

I have to work tomorrow ( he works 6 days a week )

That's quickly followed by "is that all you think about"


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

1971 said:


> My *husbands* most popular excuse is
> 
> I have to work tomorrow ( he works 6 days a week )
> 
> That's quickly followed by "is that all you think about"


*Husband? Are you serious?*


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Horizon said:


> I'm going to bed
> Goodnight
> I'm exhausted
> Soon
> ...


*"Well, Darlin'! Just tell those nasty ol' demons to come on out! I'll screw them too!"*


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> *"Well, Darlin'! Just tell those nasty ol' demons to come on out! I'll screw them too!"*












Only problem is that they tend to devour your soul


----------



## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Husband? Are you serious?*



Sadly I am


----------



## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

I've heard:

"whoa, I'm completely drained from the work week" followed by "whoa, i"m completely drained from the weekend".


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Horizon said:


> I'm going to bed
> Goodnight
> I'm exhausted
> Soon
> ...





RandomDude said:


> Only problem is that they tend to devour your soul


*Kind of like my XW did to me! Well, the only major difference is that my XW doesn't look anywhere near as good as that "demoness!"*


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I like the demons one. I have yet to hear that one.....likely will come in the future, I am sure.


----------



## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

Onceconfusedmale said:


> Good God! You just got some last week!


Yep....got that one several times. And, "its never enough, is it." Well, no not when it is only happening once a month. 

Better lately, but used to be that bad.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I used the "I'm exhausted" excuse most often for my ten years of low desire, but what I usually meant was:

I don't like you very much
I don't think you like me very much
You don't turn me on
I'm mad for something you just did
I'm mad for something you did last week
I'm mad for something you did last year
I'm mad for something you did five years ago
I don't know why I don't want sex I just don't
What if I try to have sex but then just feel like I'm dying inside and don't know how to stop without making things worse?
I'm disappointed in you
I'm disappointed in myself
I love you desperately but I'm afraid you don't love me
I don't know if I still love you
Do you still love me? 
How could you still love me? I hate me.

I couldn't have articulated all those things until recently. No wonder I felt so exhausted.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I'm too tired.

I just got home from work.

I'd rather wait until night time.

I'd rather do it in the morning.

I'd rather do it in the afternoon.

Let's wait until after dinner.

I just ate.

Then I'll have to shower.

I just showered.

We did it yesterday.

We might do it tomorrow.

It's too soon before your period.

It's too soon after your period.

I just want to relax.

You never initiate.

You initiate too much.

You don't wear enough lingerie.

It's no fun if your not wearing clothes.

And on, and on, and on...


----------



## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

and then....just don't mention it at all.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

My personal favorite is when I come home from working 12 hours and he is sitting on the couch watching tv on his day off and I get the, "I'm too tired."

Oh good times.


----------



## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My personal favorite is when I come home from working 12 hours and he is sitting on the couch watching tv on his day off and I get the, "I'm too tired."
> 
> Oh good times.


Yeah, exactly, because I haven't put in a full day of work and got all the laundry done and gotten the kids put to bed. You are the only one tired.....

I've responded to that excuse of being tired with, yep, I'm tired too, but I'd like to lay in the bed with my wife rather than my roommate. That doesn't get me anywhere, but it makes me feel better for just a little bit. Even though I just catch a slap on the check and a nasty look.


----------



## loopy lu (Oct 30, 2013)

At the moment?

"The baby is crying"

Dastardly little ****blocker


----------



## loopy lu (Oct 30, 2013)

Oops. Double post


----------



## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

There is also the pre-emptive just before bed time:

"honey, is your stomach fine?, mine not so good, not sure what I ate"....


quite a deflating statement if I say so myself


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My personal favorite is when I come home from working 12 hours and he is sitting on the couch watching tv on his day off and I get the, "I'm too tired."
> 
> Oh good times.


I know this frustrates you but I just had a good laugh.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

tyler1978 said:


> I know this frustrates you but I just had a good laugh.


Don't worry. I laugh about it sometimes too. :lol:

In between the crying of course.


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Don't worry. I laugh about it sometimes too. :lol:
> 
> In between the crying of course.


While she is not as bad as your husband, it seems like no matter how early in the night I initiate the "too tired" excuse come out.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I think "too tired" is an excuse they use when they can't think of anything else to criticize or use at the time. Or I catch him off guard, so he doesn't have enough time to think of anything better.

It's like the old stand by.


----------



## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

I'm tired
I have a headache
I'm sleepy
My TMJ is acting up (for BJ's)
You just got it yesterday!

I've never denied my wife sex. There was only ONE time (in 3 years of marriage) where I wasn't in the mood to kiss her boobs and start her engine. She likes it when I put hickeys on her boobs, but this day, I just wasn't in the mood for all that. I was more than willing to go down on her and dive in, but I just didn't feel like going through the warm-up process.


----------



## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

I've got some demons. 

That's the best.


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I think "too tired" is an excuse they use when they can't think of anything else to criticize or use at the time. Or I catch him off guard, so he doesn't have enough time to think of anything better.
> 
> It's like the old stand by.


Her stand by is that she is not in the mood and does not know why.

I began to notice a routine where she would decide to start grading an hour before we go to bed. The excuse is then that I waited too long and she is too tired.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I think "too tired" is an excuse they use when they can't think of anything else to criticize or use at the time. Or I catch him off guard, so he doesn't have enough time to think of anything better.
> 
> It's like the old stand by.


My stbxh used that excuse for everything. It is nice not hearing it anymore. I look forward to being with a man who isn't "tired" and I admit, it will be a trigger word for me the rest of my life.


----------



## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

I don't get verbal excuses. H's rejections take the form of ignoring my sexual advances or sometimes removing my wandering hands from his body.

The rule around my house is we have sex only when HE wants it, which is rarely more than once every couple of months.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

"Has it been a week already?"

"Why is that the only thing that makes you happy?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

All the good ones have already been used up.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> I don't get verbal excuses. H's rejections take the form of ignoring my sexual advances or sometimes removing my wandering hands from his body.


 I got a few pats on the arm as a non-verbal rejection. Another one was of him turning his head in my direction really quickly, giving me a half sarcastic grin, and batting his eyes a few times, then looking away from me.


----------



## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

my junk smells


----------



## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

farting is a good non-verbal excuse


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Kilgore reminded me of another one...

I don't like the smell of your soap. (he used the same soap)


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

sinnister said:


> All the good ones have already been used up.


heh I doubt it

"You are on your period" (I wasn't)
"you are too wide down there"
Hmmmm, this one is still painful.... Been doing Kegel exercises ever since... and stopped initiating.


----------



## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

SaltInWound said:


> Kilgore reminded me of another one...
> 
> I don't like the smell of your soap. (he used the same soap)


hilarious. how about "my penis is too small. it would waste your time" (not my excuse)


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> "you are too wide down there"
> Hmmmm, this one is still painful.... Been doing Kegel exercises ever since... and stopped initiating.


Well, he finally found the words that worked. He killed your self esteem so that you would stop wanting sex. Don't let what he said make you feel bad. He is the one with the problem.

Tell him ALL women are too wide down there compared to the size of his anatomy.


----------



## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> I don't get verbal excuses. H's rejections take the form of ignoring my sexual advances or sometimes removing my wandering hands from his body.
> 
> The rule around my house is we have sex only when HE wants it, which is rarely more than once every couple of months.


this one really hits home. During one of our many "talks" after she called me selfish for wanting sex so much, I asked her if unilaterally changing the marriage contract and sex by her rules only was selfish. She quickly mentioned something I had done wrong years earlier to change the subject.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

One thing I just don't understand on TAM is how people tolerate these sexless marriages for so long.

In our home, sex is a given, morning, noon, and night. As long as the kids aren't around, we pleasure each other in the kitchen, outside, in the car while driving, etc. If I had sex with her while she was asleep she would only be annoyed that she missed it! Or sometimes we spend an hour just kissing and making out like teenagers.

The only times we don't have sex is if we have an unresolved argument on the table. 

If a girlfriend of mine stopped providing affection after x number of dates, then there wouldn't be any more dates after x+1. With a spouse I would work on it much longer but after trying everything and years of excuses, it would be time to move on. No amount of financial considerations would convince me to give up my sex life, especially as I get older and have fewer years left to enjoy.


----------



## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

My favourite "I'm only into romance" 
"I'm too hungry to have sex"
"I'm too tired" Sunday morning after she slept for 12+ hours and we were baby free for a few more hrs
Or speaking of babies "no he is asleep what if he wakes up" he was at the other end if the house 10 minutes into his hour long nap
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

ne9907 said:


> heh I doubt it
> 
> "You are on your period" (I wasn't)
> "you are too wide down there"
> Hmmmm, this one is still painful.... Been doing Kegel exercises ever since... and stopped initiating.




Awful.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Well, he finally found the words that worked. He killed your self esteem so that you would stop wanting sex. Don't let what he said make you feel bad. He is the one with the problem.
> 
> Tell him ALL women are too wide down there compared to the size of his anatomy.


Well he could have said "honey I think I may be too slim down there", and if she knows he's not slim at all, then she might figure there is a tightness issue.


----------



## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

A few months after DDay ....

'I don't care if I never have sex again"


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

My wife has used one similar in the past after a long discussion on the topic:

"I don't like sex. I never have and I never will." This is her just totally kill everything statement. She stated this around 6-8 years ago (we had been married about 10-12 years at the time). I can't really remember exactly. But, that let me know her true feelings on the issue.

I find that women are much more aggressive in the 40 year old age range. I am nothing special, but I get hit on a couple times per month. It is tough when your wife can't stand a physical relationship with you, but other women seem to be interested.


----------



## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

"It feels odd between us...." she never actually tries to even talk about why and if I try to then she says it makes it worse. Its a good one really.

I used to wish she was a fut, ugly, flat chested moose. It would have made it easier for me but now the thought of sex with her makes me feel bad so I expect it will be me making excuses if she ever tried it on (not likely, its been 2 months she we last did it and she hasn't said anything)

I think you know your in trouble when you go to a wedding, get a bit tipsy, stay in a lovely hotel and still don't have sex.

A large part of me hopes she cheats on me so I can hate her and move on with my life. (I think that's the saddest thing I have ever said!)


----------



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

When H was getting in to his flat out rejection of ANY advances I made...

Rolling about together in bed one night. Things getting hot and heavy. I climb on top.

Him: "what do you think you're doing?" (Cross) Pushes me off.

Me: "..." (lost for words... What I *should* have said... um isn't it obvious?")


----------



## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

I have full access to a family owned house near a beach, so one morning when I new no one was going to be using it I asked my wife "why don't we take a ride to the beach, walk around check out some of the shops, get some dinner and drinks and stay over tonight. we will have the place to ourselves"?

Her reply was "Um, I didn't have that in my mind when i got up this morning, so um NO". 

Now there was one i hadn't hear before!


----------



## MrsCrowe13 (Nov 18, 2013)

I've been hearing some good excuses from my husband of 1 month:

1. we're old (we're both 31)
2. we're tired (I'm not!)
3. my medicine (ok so some have sexual side effects...but they're not effecting me!)
4. no time (yet he has time to play video games all night long)

I have more sex with my vibrator!!!


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

MrsCrowe13 said:


> I've been hearing some good excuses from my husband of 1 month:
> 
> 1. we're old (we're both 31)
> 2. we're tired (I'm not!)
> ...


Bizarre.... 
It's rare for men to suddenly change right after the wedding. FWIW, I'm 12 years older than your husband and I'm not slowing down much.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I regularly get "you just got some yesterday so we can't do it today". Granted, we do have a regular sex life where we typically are doing it every other day - occasionally 2 days in a row.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Bizarre....
> It's rare for men to suddenly change right after the wedding. FWIW, I'm 12 years older than your husband and I'm not slowing down much.


Agree. Plus when you lose a good bit of weight and start eating better and exercising more your libido will shoot thru the roof too. I swear I feel like a woman going thru her hypersex period before menopause...


----------



## bestyet2be (Jul 28, 2013)

I try to stay focused on the real progress, improvements in our marriage within the last year or so. A recent excuse of, "I don't want to now, because I can't scream when the kids are in the house," actually belies a certain goodness. 

However there was one from years ago that took the cake: "I don't want to because I'm so depressed because we can't get pregnant."


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I had what was one of the better ones last night. She comes to bed rabbit in hand. "I'm not horny, I just want to use my rabbit."

That was it...no intimacy whatsoever. I am almost checked out when things like this happen. I told her that was probably the most selfish thing I have ever heard. She then gets mad at me, saying she wasn't rejecting me. Some people are just weird.


----------



## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

bbdad said:


> I had what was one of the better ones last night. She comes to bed rabbit in hand. "I'm not horny, I just want to use my rabbit."
> 
> That was it...no intimacy whatsoever. I am almost checked out when things like this happen. I told her that was probably the most selfish thing I have ever heard. *She then gets mad at me, saying she wasn't rejecting me.* Some people are just weird.


She said that with a straight face?
With her sex toy in hand?
That she would be using instead of having sex with you?

Wow.


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Dead serious!! I stated, that was one of the better rejection excuses. I was at a total loss last night on that one.

I am starting to think it is seriously time to re-evaluate what I am getting from this and what the total impact would be to splitting households. I don't think she will ever understand what it means to be married. We are nearing 20 years and it just gets weirder and weirder by the year.


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

bbdad said:


> Dead serious!! I stated, that was one of the better rejection excuses. I was at a total loss last night on that one.
> 
> I am starting to think it is seriously time to re-evaluate what I am getting from this and what the total impact would be to splitting households. I don't think she will ever understand what it means to be married. We are nearing 20 years and it just gets weirder and weirder by the year.


that one is pretty selfish.

Did you ask if you could watch?? If she said no to that I think I would have gotten out the video cam and started setting it up..."im just taping this for my own satisfaction later on..."


----------



## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

bbdad said:


> Dead serious!! I stated, that was one of the better rejection excuses. I was at a total loss last night on that one.
> 
> I am starting to think it is seriously time to re-evaluate what I am getting from this and what the total impact would be to splitting households. I don't think she will ever understand what it means to be married. We are nearing 20 years and it just gets weirder and weirder by the year.


I'd bet you a dollar to a doughnut that if you bought a male sex toy, like a Fleshlight or something like that, she'd have such a different perspective.

Doubtless, you'd be a withholding deviant.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

When I was with my ex. Wednesday I initiate and get the standard "tired, work tomorrow, wait til the weekend" excuse. Normal and totally expected. Friday, I get "it's been a long week, tomorrow night ok?" Saturday night she stays up late and goes to sleep in daughters bed. Sunday I'm like "What the hell?" She says, "You went to bed, I didn't think you wanted it"


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

One thing I finde fascinating is how the same words can mean different things depending on the context of the relationship. My ex wife was a champion at rejection excuses, but when my STBW uses similar words and phrases, it means something completely different.

Last night for example. We were laying in bed and STBW asked if we had any ice cream left. I said I wasn't sure and asked if she wanted any. She nonchalantly said maybe after we have sex if we're going to. A few minutes later, she got up and took a shower. After she got out of the shower, we watched the end of a tv show, and then she said it's later than I wanted to be getting to sleep so if you're going to nail me, you'd better hurry up. So I nailed her, and we both enjoyed it.

In the context of my marriage, those would have been setups, implicit rejection. With my STBW, it was just matter of fact.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> One thing I finde fascinating is how the same words can mean different things depending on the context of the relationship. My ex wife was a champion at rejection excuses, but when my STBW uses similar words and phrases, it means something completely different.
> 
> Last night for example. We were laying in bed and STBW asked if we had any ice cream left. I said I wasn't sure and asked if she wanted any. She nonchalantly said maybe after we have sex if we're going to. A few minutes later, she got up and took a shower. After she got out of the shower, we watched the end of a tv show, and then she said it's later than I wanted to be getting to sleep so if you're going to nail me, you'd better hurry up. So I nailed her, and we both enjoyed it.
> 
> In the context of my marriage, those would have been setups, implicit rejection. With my STBW, it was just matter of fact.


Exactly, and I'm actually still getting my head around that. When I hear "I'm sleepy" or "my stomach is upset", my initial reaction is "she's setting the stage" because my ex was a master of that. But my GF will say those things and really just mean that and not "NO SEX TONIGHT!!!" It's very strange to be able to take someones words at face value.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I Don't Know said:


> Exactly, and I'm actually still getting my head around that. When I hear "I'm sleepy" or "my stomach is upset", my initial reaction is "she's setting the stage" because my ex was a master of that. But my GF will say those things and really just mean that and not "NO SEX TONIGHT!!!" It's very strange to be able to take someones words at face value.


No kidding! It is definately a retraining experience. There have been plenty of times where my STBW has had very plausable and reasonable reasons to say no including the simple frequency we already do it. 

She has rarely said no, and even the few nights we haven't done anything, I don't think she has ever actually turned me down when I have initiated. She will ask something along the lines of will it bother you terribly if we don't do anything tonight? And when she asks, I know it's really a question and that if I said I really wanted to do something, she would accomodate. Just the other day, she fell on some ice and hurt her hip. That night, she told me she really wasn't up to doing anything, but she'd take care of me if I wanted. A hj would have been nice, but I declined. I mean we'd had sex 7 times in the previous three days, and helping her get comfortable and holding her as she fell asleep was wonderful too.


----------



## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

bbdad said:


> Dead serious!! I stated, that was one of the better rejection excuses. I was at a total loss last night on that one.
> 
> I am starting to think it is seriously time to re-evaluate what I am getting from this and what the total impact would be to splitting households. I don't think she will ever understand what it means to be married. We are nearing 20 years and it just gets weirder and weirder by the year.


bbdad,

She is now rubbing it in your face. There is no way that she didn't know you would have wanted to participate. She knows it is safe to flat out reject you and nothing will happen.

I honestly think I would have thrown that rabbit out the window. You can not let her get away with that.


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I have always tried to be cordial because I don't want the financial destruction I see with divorce. I also don't want to be a part time dad to my kids. But, this may have been the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back.

The sad thing is that she honestly does not believe she is wrong in doing something like that. She even told me that this doesn't mean I am rejecting you. She is truly clueless.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bbdad said:


> I had what was one of the better ones last night. She comes to bed rabbit in hand. "I'm not horny, I just want to use my rabbit."
> 
> That was it...no intimacy whatsoever. I am almost checked out when things like this happen. I told her that was probably the most selfish thing I have ever heard. She then gets mad at me, saying she wasn't rejecting me. Some people are just weird.


*I'd just tell her to take "her rabbit" to the bathroom; that there's an electrical outlet in there to charge that lil' ol' "Energizer Bunny" of hers up at!

And also feel free to tell her that if that's where she's going to use it, to please assist in keeping the racket down; that the kids don't really need to be disturbed!*


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> One thing I finde fascinating is how the same words can mean different things depending on the context of the relationship. My ex wife was a champion at rejection excuses, but when my STBW uses similar words and phrases, it means something completely different.
> 
> Last night for example. We were laying in bed and STBW asked if we had any ice cream left. I said I wasn't sure and asked if she wanted any. She nonchalantly said maybe after we have sex if we're going to. A few minutes later, she got up and took a shower. After she got out of the shower, we watched the end of a tv show, and then she said it's later than I wanted to be getting to sleep so if you're going to nail me, you'd better hurry up. So I nailed her, and we both enjoyed it.
> 
> In the context of my marriage, those would have been setups, implicit rejection. With my STBW, it was just matter of fact.



Thats because your STBW GETS IT. She understands. She knows that sex between the two of you is an important part of your relationship. Hopefully that will never change and if it does not you two have very happy future ahead of you.


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

bbdad said:


> I have always tried to be cordial because I don't want the financial destruction I see with divorce. I also don't want to be a part time dad to my kids. But, this may have been the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back.
> 
> The sad thing is that she honestly does not believe she is wrong in doing something like that. She even told me that this doesn't mean I am rejecting you. She is truly clueless.


I hate your going through this. 

If woman would only understand what they are doing to their relationship when they withhold a mans 1st need.....if they understood what we are thinking when they do....they would NEVER withhold it or act like this.

Get his needs/her needs and sit this woman down and read it together. Might be the best thing that happens to both of you.

Your right. Divorce is a train wreck. Its taken me 5 years to just get through it mentally and emotionally, let alone the financial end. But at the end of it all ill be happier. Im going to make sure of it.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> _"I'm so tired"_ - *this is because you stayed up late playing computer games and watching TV instead of going to bed at a reasonable time *since you're up at 5:30.
> 
> _"Sex is too much work" _- don't know how to reply to that. If you think sex is too much work, then I can't help you.
> 
> _"I'm soooo tired, but we can have sex if you want"._ Translation - I'm not in the mood, so I'll lay there until you finish. No, thanks. I'll make a date with Mr Hand on Monday morning in the shower.



This are the 3 most common in my household. I get one of those those probably 98% of every time I initiate. 

Even if he wants to have sex, he won't just say it, he will say number 3 up there. _"I'm tired, but we can have sex if you want to."_ That way it's me taking the blame if we don't have sex, or if we do and he isn't into it.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ChargingCharlie said:


> "I'm* so tired*" - this is because you stayed up late playing computer games and watching TV instead of going to bed at a reasonable time since you're up at 5:30.
> 
> "*I have a raging headache*" - gee, maybe this is because you drink nothing but diet soda and get stressed out over little stuff.
> 
> ...


I have heard all three of those from my STBW at one time or another. The thing is, with her, unlike my ex wife, it is simply a statement of fact, and is pretty much always followed up pretty soon with sexual initiation. 

The raging headache one, she'll say she has a headache, say she's taken some ibuprofin, and tell me a good pounding and orgasm would help it for a little while at least. Same with cramps. The few nights we haven't done anything, she has given a rain check and has always followed through.


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

I've got the best rejection story ever.

I actually had a girl back out on a date because... as she said, "My old boyfriend is getting out of prison."


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

hambone said:


> I've got the best rejection story ever.
> 
> I actually had a girl back out on a date because... as she said, *"My old boyfriend is getting out of prison."*


*Let me up, Ham! I think that my heart is difibrilating, yet again!*


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Let me up, Ham! I think that my heart is difibrilating, yet again!*


This was when I was doing undergraduate at Hendrix.

And this chick was HHHHHHHHawt! hot hot!


----------



## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I’ve heard them all... her latest variations over the last couple months:

“I’m too fat (talking about herself) so I’m not in the mood when I feel like this.” (She doesn’t make effort to lose either so this is a long term excuse).

She simple isn’t available. She lays down with our youngest (who’s freaking 12), rubbing his back until he falls asleep knowing damn well I can’t lay in bed for an hour waiting for her without falling asleep.

Picking a fight. Just a little snippy comment or complaint prior to bedtime to piss me off. Since sex for me is an expression of love and desire, she knows this will result in a cold front from me in bed. I don’t do makeup sex.


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Racer said:


> I’ve heard them all... her latest variations over the last couple months:
> 
> “I’m too fat (talking about herself) so I’m not in the mood when I feel like this.” (She doesn’t make effort to lose either so this is a long term excuse).
> 
> ...


My wife used those same excuses... when she was in a prior marriage.

Things changed once she let me rock her world. Man, making love to her was like getting into the bonus points on a pinball machine. Ding ding ding ding.....


----------



## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

When I was around 18 I met this hot blonde named Dolly. She came to a party at the house I was living at. Dolly was my age. Early the next morning Dolly and I were naked in my room. It was a really beautiful moment - some nervy talk etc and then the next thing I know I'm lying between her legs. It was hot and then....

The following is not a lie, it is word for word the truth.

Dolly: Do you want to f**k me now?

Me: (fake bashful covering desperately thank full) umm....yeah

Dolly: Well I'm not going to let you.

I've never had another situation like that in my life. The ultimate pr*ck tease. Thanks a million Dolly you c**k teasing North Shore girl.


----------



## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Oh yeah, I never got an excuse, but I figured it out later.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Here's a Christmas story that will warm your heart. 

Last Christmas, with my ex, we had planned to wrap presents on Christmas eve and have sex after. Now understand that I don't like planned sex, but she slept with our daughter so if it was going to happen it had to be planned. Well she gets the kids to sleep and of course falls asleep with them. I go in and wake her up to help wrap, she says, "Ok, I'm comming" but falls back asleep. I wrap all the presents thinking OK, she's tired I'll let her rest. After I'm done I go in and wake her up, tell her I'm done with the wrapping, and ask her if she's coming to bed. She comes into the bedroom and says "Let's get this overwith!" Well Merry Freakin Christmas to you too! 

Not really an excuse but the result was the same.


----------



## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

I Don't Know said:


> Here's a Christmas story that will warm your heart.
> 
> Last Christmas, with my ex, we had planned to wrap presents on Christmas eve and have sex after. Now understand that I don't like planned sex, but she slept with our daughter so if it was going to happen it had to be planned. Well she gets the kids to sleep and of course falls asleep with them. I go in and wake her up to help wrap, she says, "Ok, I'm comming" but falls back asleep. I wrap all the presents thinking OK, she's tired I'll let her rest. After I'm done I go in and wake her up, tell her I'm done with the wrapping, and ask her if she's coming to bed. She comes into the bedroom and says "Let's get this overwith!" Well Merry Freakin Christmas to you too!
> 
> Not really an excuse but the result was the same.


It's still a rejection. I can't imagine that she was enthusiastic, involved and/or passionate.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

sh987 said:


> It's still a rejection. I can't imagine that she was enthusiastic, involved and/or passionate.


Oh, no. I think my response to that was something involving the F word and off. It may have been the only time I ever turned down sex.


----------



## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I Don't Know said:


> Oh, no. I think my response to that was something involving the F word and off. It may have been the only time I ever turned down sex.


That sucks man... I used to get the "just hurry this up because I'm tired" duty sex.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Racer said:


> That sucks man... I used to get the "just hurry this up because I'm tired" duty sex.


Yeah, mine was clever. It was duty sex but she would tell me "harder, harder" knowing I'd finish quickly. But, it's all good. I have a good woman now. She treats me great and is always receptive to any type of affection.


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

I Don't Know said:


> Yeah, mine was clever. It was duty sex but she would tell me "harder, harder" knowing I'd finish quickly. But, it's all good. I have a good woman now. She treats me great and is always receptive to any type of affection.


That would be like being with a hooker. I would start leaving 100 dollar bills on the dresser....lol


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Cyclist said:


> *That would be like being with a hooker. I would start leaving 100 dollar bills on the dresser.*


*Yeah, but wouldn't it be far more prudent just to stick around long enough for your change?*


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Horizon said:


> Oh yeah, I never got an excuse, but I figured it out later.


Share the excuse with us.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Three words: Angry Birds Go

(Just came out yesterday for iOS)


----------



## pinotnoir (Jul 13, 2013)

These are some great comments. The excuses I almost always get from my LD wife are "the kids will be up soon" or "why are you always thinking about sex" - this is after last mentioning it two weeks ago.


----------



## potksedym (Dec 15, 2013)

She never needs an excuse. She uses the word NO! It's like a baseball bate between the eyes. I'd rather have the bat...


----------



## jaffacake (Dec 5, 2013)

He doesn't use words, but by acting out.
He stays up late, waits until I am asleep, or he goes to bed before I get home. 
Actions speak louder than words is so true in such situation.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Theseus said:


> One thing I just don't understand on TAM is how people tolerate these sexless marriages for so long.
> 
> In our home, sex is a given, morning, noon, and night. As long as the kids aren't around, we pleasure each other in the kitchen, outside, in the car while driving, etc. If I had sex with her while she was asleep she would only be annoyed that she missed it! Or sometimes we spend an hour just kissing and making out like teenagers.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I just can't imagine being without nookie. If it stopped, I'd try to fix it and if I couldn't I'd be gone.

We did go through a near sexless period when the children were young. But my wife asked me to wait and she was sure she would 'return' to the woman she was. And she did.

Had she not I would have walked, she knows how close she was to losing me.

The only excuses I get these days are genuine and are usually "would you mind if we didn't tonight? I'm tired/unwell/whatever."

And we then always make sure we go for it the next night. I'm pretty sure that if I left it all down to her we would only be going once a week or so, but she knows I need it more regularly so we compromise.


----------

