# Don't know what to do....



## lonelyNdepressed (Oct 21, 2009)

So i have written on this before but i tell you my story again so you understand everything.....Me and my husband have been married for almost 7yrs..we have had finacial problems through those years..i always handled the bills and we would over spend and never have enough money at the end of the month so i would hold off on paying bills and they would start to pile up and i first started using credit cards to catch up but then that started to pile up....so when he found out he would tell me he wanted a divorce...the first time this happened we were married for a year and he told me to leave and that he wanted a divorce...his parents were pushing him to get a divorce to...but we worked things out and me and the kids moved back home after 5 days....this has happened with the bills every year for the last 7 yrs....we just never had enough money and we're always behind...i got nervous to tell him because everytime he found out he would tell me he wanted a divorce...and then i started to take a perscription drug because i was always so nervous about him finding out...he caught me a couple of times taking the pills and again would threathen divorce....i am getting help now...but this time it's too late...oh your probably wondering why he wouldn't just take over the bills...he would but after a month or two i would get them back....

this time i borrowed the money from his 401k to pay back all the bills and i had a perscription drug that he didn't know about...we have borrowed money from his 401k before...it's just a couple of times i took the money out without him knowing...well he found out about everything and wanted a divorce, we got a meditator and had a agreement made up...

A couple of nights before we were going to tell the kids i went to him and asked him for another chance that i would get a better paying job, i will keep going to theraphy, even quit smoking to save money....he didn't respond....so the night we were going to tell the kids he couldn't do and told me that he thought of what i said to him and he realized it wouldn't work but i asked him to just give a chance...after going back and forth he agreed to give it a year...i was so relieved...

well for the past month things were progressing slowing but i was trying...i hadn't found a job thought..no one is hiring....he was still kind of doing his own thing and going out with his friends, which i didn't mind...thanksgiving he spent it with his family and i spent it with the kids and my family...well after thanksgiving he started to become distant and then that sunday he started to pick a fight with me and i got mad and asked him what he wanted from me but he wouldn't tell me and i kept pushing for an answer well it started to get heated and he screamed that he wanted a divorce..my kids were upstairs hearing all this...he started to walk away and i grabed his arm to stop him and he pushed down into the couch,i got back up and he did it again, i got back up and he put his arm around my neck and pinned me to the ground and told me he was calling the cops because i assaulted him...even my 10 yr daughter knows i didn't...but i got me and the kids out of there because they were getting scared of the cops being called....well he slept at his parents house for the week and we went back to the lawyer to start the proceedings again.


i moved out on sunday and having a really hard time with everything and on top of that i checked his emails yesterday ( iknow i shouldn't of) but he signed up for a dating site and i am freaking out that he could do that so quickily and it's not like he ever had a hard time getting girls but soo soon? i just moved out 4 days ago....my mom said that he probably knows i look through his emails so he did it so i would find it...but why not just change his password...why pay for a dating site?



i just can't believe he would do this soo soon...we haven't even signed the papers yet....i am sooooo freakin out..i just don't know how to deal with this all and be strong for my kids because i'm still hoping and praying that we'll get back together...i know that somewhere inside my husband he still loves me...i just have a feeling his family had something to do with this...because everytime something went wrong he would run to them...well his mom told everyone that when my husband took me back this last time that she was done and that she didn't want to hear about it anymore because my husband would say one thing and then do another...so i have a feeling they chewed his ear off on thanksgiving and he kept thinking about it and that's why he exploded because it makes no sense why he would turn all of a sudden.....and he thinks very highly of his parents opinion



sorry so long had to get it off my chest


----------



## whyminvrsatsfd (Nov 28, 2009)

Lonely....this is going to sting. Its going to sting for awhile. But your husband doesnt want to be with you. You need to work on you. YOU YOU YOU. This is the denial phase. You will blame everyone else for "making him" feel and act this way. Then you will hit the sad and depressed phase, then you will hit the angry phase. First of all you have to stop the prescriptions. Any med other than an SSRI (lexapro or prozac), is going to make you feel more depressed. Pain killers and benzos make you feel better for a couple hours, but make you stop making endorphins and serotonin on your own. Everything becomes harder to deal with or cope. If you dont stay separated, you will constantly walk on egg shells afraid of when he's going to blow up and leave again. If you stay apart, the time will heal you and you'll move on with life a lot quicker than if you go back and prolong the inevitable. It will take a great amount of strength and courage. If not for yourself, then for your kids. You definitely dont want your daughter to have a marriage like this where shes choked and hoping he'll come back, do you? When you need to vent, write on here, if you need to cry, cry...but if you feel lonely hang with friends and family. Dont call a man that choked you, threatened you with divorce every year, disrespected you and is still in his Mommys shadow.


----------

