# SuspiciousHusband



## Will Donalds

Hi - I am new here but have read some of the posts. I am concerned about my wife and her behavior. I think she is having an affair, but she claims I am just paranoid. I wish I had read some of the posts here before I confronted her. 
We have been married for over 30 years. We went through a long (10 year) patch of virtually no sex. I weighed a lot and had lost my libido - and was not attractive to my spouse. So I had surgery and lost over 100 pounds. When I healed from the surgery, my wife and I started an active sex life. We are intimate at least twice a week. So far so good.
I started to notice things I had ignored before. She would go shopping and be gone six hours and come back with one bag of groceries from WalMart. Never an explanation as to why it took so long. She likes to go and visit friends - then comes home late and tipsy. She is on her phone or iPad constantly, even in bed while I am trying to sleep. I mistakenly confronted her several times last year. The first time she got angry and accused me of cheating if I dared question her. The second time she said “it’s not in my nature.” But she did not say no. The third time she joked about it. So I let it drop. Recently I noticed her getting more distant and quicker to get angry. She works but I have never seen her check or her paystub. My check is direct deposited and pays the bills - hers seems to be private money for her to use as she sees fit. I looked at her iPad one day. Emails and texts were all deleted. She has Words with Fridnds and SnapChat so she may be using them. I checked for deleted apps and found the data file for a “MeetMe” account in her name. So I confronted her again. Extreme anger. Accused me of being paranoid and crazy. She promptly changed all of her passwords and turned the find a friend app on her phone off. She again accused me of cheating, so I offered to take a polygraph and invited her to do the same. She flatly declined. So I am left wondering. The sex had been regular and much better than before. She is allowing things I have dreamed of for decades. Last week, she came home from a night out with the girls. The kids were gone and she initiated sex. With almost no foreplay she climbed on top. She was wetter than I have ever seen her in almost 40 years. Our kids came home and interrupted us. As soon as they were in bed, she re-initiated. She has never done that. In fact, we only make love Saturday and Sunday mornings (her idea). Did I mention she talks glowingly about her two bosses almost everyday? So - nothing suspicious. No reason to worry... can you guys set me straight?


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## personofinterest

.


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## jlg07

I HOPE you are wrong -- but folks here will help you for sure.


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## Beach123

I’d say you have reasons to think she’s cheating.

Hire a PI


It’s terribly selfish for her to work but never show you her money... much less never offer it for the family’s benefit. Really a selfish partner.


I’d be separating my money if I were you - and inform her that it’s now her turn to pay all the family bills.

Looks like she wants you for your paycheck.


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## jlg07

Hire a PI -- ask them about a forensic accountant also -- she is squirreling her money someplace.
She is too alerted to your suspicions, so stop talking about it until you get the PI's report.

Get YOUR Finances under control, and you may want to talk with a lawyer to find out what would potentially happen in a divorce. Get YOUR plan together (she probably has hers already).


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## MattMatt

*Moderator message*

People who use multiple accounts are not welcome. The OP has now left the building.


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## lifeistooshort

OP, Matt is not harassing you. 

It is against forum rules to create multiple accounts, so please stop.


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## Unwantedposter

Beach123 said:


> I’d say you have reasons to think she’s cheating.
> 
> Hire a PI
> 
> 
> It’s terribly selfish for her to work but never show you her money... much less never offer it for the family’s benefit. Really a selfish partner.
> 
> 
> I’d be separating my money if I were you - and inform her that it’s now her turn to pay all the family bills.
> 
> Looks like she wants you for your paycheck.


Any suggestions on how I get her back? I have loved her for almost 40 years. We have three kids together. I cannot imagine life without her. But her behavior has me convinced there are more than the two of us in this marriage.


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## 3Xnocharm

Dude, seriously, what is your deal??


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## Lostinthought61

before you can get her back you need to know what you are working with and if she is lying and being sneaky then you have to do the same, you need to make sure that the affair has to stop and she is remorseful if she is cheating. Otherwise you play from a cuckold position.


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## personofinterest

If you badger her with the same determination that you create multiple accounts, that is probably your problem.


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## Vinnydee

I learned the hard way. Ex fiancé cheated on me with a friend of mine. Then my next girlfriend did the same. I was the paranoid one. It was all in my imagination. Well I learned a few things from my past experiences. If it feels like cheating the odds are that it is probably cheating. Also learned that you cannot believe even a loved one since no one is stupid enough to admit they are cheating unless they want a divorce. Much nicer to have a lover on the side for only the fun and games part of a relationships and a husband at home to do all the mundane boring stuff in a marriage. 

I have seen spouses of both men and women I know cheated because I was on business trips with them or they told me, say that they spouses would never cheat and they have no reason to suspect or snoop on them. How difficult is it to call your spouse at work if they say they are working late or call a bar to see if he or she is there with their friends as they told you? Why not let you use the Find Friends feature of your iPhone as my wife and I do with each other? Why do they need to keep their whereabouts and doings a secret from you? This is how my cheating girlfriends acted as did the guys and girls I travelled with who cheated acted. Some even had separate phones for cheating. Some were pros at this. I met a wife who had the same lover for 10 years and her husband never questioned her actions. She went to fake business conventions which were actually vacation with her boyfriend. Then when her boyfriend moved away, she started looking for a new one. My ex fiancé cheated on her husband for 20 years and finally left him when it became legal to marry her female lover. 

I am a firm believer of having a healthy, not abnormal, just a healthy dose of mistrust of everyone because everyone you trust has the potential or has lied to you. Who told you about Santa and the Tooth Fairy? How many religious men are pedophiles? Do not give anyone 100% of your trust and you will save yourself a lot of heartache.

I am married 46 years and my wife never goes out to bars, restaurants or clubs with the girls. She goes to their houses to play cards and other games. I can see my wife is there and call there on a landline phone at the place she is at. The husbands of the hosts are there and everything can be verified if I so please to do so. We go out as a couple. I do not go drinking with the boys or go to places where women and men are looking to hook up or where alcohol is served and there is the chance of hooking up. I have no female friends in real life, only acquaintances. I do not have secret online girls that I talk to. My wife and I have each other’s passwords to everything and no one gets bent out of shape if the other looks, although we seldom do that unless it is incidental to something else.

I can tell you one thing, the most common defense a woman has is to put the blame on you. To act indignant if you ask questions or want to see their phone or other online accounts. You have to ask yourself what is she hiding that she does not want you to see. What in heck is worth a fight to withhold from your spouse? What kind of marriage is that?


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## BruceBanner

You're obviously being cheated on. The signs are both obvious and generic as all hell.


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