# I'm deeply hurt and may never find another husband



## Marigold32 (Nov 24, 2013)

A week ago I posted about my marriage breaking down and me getting divorced and being married three times....I got some valuable advice.
My husband soon to be ex works abroad, we've been married two years with an 11 month old son. He has abused me emotionally by cheating, lying and saying mean words to me. Last night I found out that the reason he didn't want me to visit him or him coming home and all that sudden horrible behaviour is because he lives with another woman. He normally switches off his phone about 10pm. I can't contact him or anything until morning. Last night just randomly I called around midnight the phone was on and a woman answered. I asked who the hell she was but she was speaking Finnish, she didn't understand a word in English. So he grabbed the phone from her and pretended as of he didn't understand what I was saying and then hung up. I kept ringing but he didn't answer.. So after the fifth call the woman answered again and was speaking Finnish again. We didn't understand each other and he was just in the background mumbling. I suspected he was telling her that it might have been a wrong number. So I called out his name and the woman just screamed at him and it sounded like they were pushing each other and I heard her crying in the background. I was shaking like a leaf. So shocked. All my suspicions were confirmed. I rang again and started swearing at him and to my dismay he said after marrying me he realised I was too ugly for him. He said the pretty, modern and fashionable women out there are just not in my league and too good to ignore to get stuck with an old fashioned ugly woman like me. 
He said as a 32 years old with a masters degree I should be more fashionable. He said the woman in the background is not even my class. This is my HUSBAND saying saying these things to me. I sacrificed everything. Gave him my all. 
I cried my eyes out all night. I tried to stop my tears from falling as I don't think he is worth it but I just can't help the pain and betrayal. This is the man who promised me the the universe. He would kiss the floor I walk on. He would cry even if we fell out just because of how much he loved me. I said to him I know he loved me what went wrong? He said to be honest he is yet to sleep with a woman sweeter than me or better than me in bed but that was all there was to it. 
I feel so damaged. After three marriages I still can't find the right man. Who will want a woman married three times with two kids of different fathers? What baggage? Not that I'm lacking confidence but in this day and age, it's just too much baggage to carry. My life is just in ruin. How could some people be so mean? I have his child the least I deserved is respect. What do I do? I'm just struggling to cope with the stress alone with my two kids.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Marigold32 said:


> A week ago I posted about my marriage breaking down and me getting divorced and being married three times....I got some valuable advice.
> My husband soon to be ex works abroad, we've been married two years with an 11 month old son. He has abused me emotionally by cheating, lying and saying mean words to me. Last night I found out that the reason he didn't want me to visit him or him coming home and all that sudden horrible behaviour is because he lives with another woman. He normally switches off his phone about 10pm. I can't contact him or anything until morning. Last night just randomly I called around midnight the phone was on and a woman answered. I asked who the hell she was but she was speaking Finnish, she didn't understand a word in English. So he grabbed the phone from her and pretended as of he didn't understand what I was saying and then hung up. I kept ringing but he didn't answer.. So after the fifth call the woman answered again and was speaking Finnish again. We didn't understand each other and he was just in the background mumbling. I suspected he was telling her that it might have been a wrong number. So I called out his name and the woman just screamed at him and it sounded like they were pushing each other and I heard her crying in the background. I was shaking like a leaf. So shocked. All my suspicions were confirmed. I rang again and started swearing at him and to my dismay he said after marrying me he realised I was too ugly for him. He said the pretty, modern and fashionable women out there are just not in my league and too good to ignore to get stuck with an old fashioned ugly woman like me.
> He said as a 32 years old with a masters degree I should be more fashionable. He said the woman in the background is not even my class. This is my HUSBAND saying saying these things to me. I sacrificed everything. Gave him my all.
> I cried my eyes out all night. I tried to stop my tears from falling as I don't think he is worth it but I just can't help the pain and betrayal. This is the man who promised me the the universe. He would kiss the floor I walk on. He would cry even if we fell out just because of how much he loved me. I said to him I know he loved me what went wrong? He said to be honest he is yet to sleep with a woman sweeter than me or better than me in bed but that was all there was to it.
> I feel so damaged. After three marriages I still can't find the right man. Who will want a woman married three times with two kids of different fathers? What baggage? Not that I'm lacking confidence but in this day and age, it's just too much baggage to carry. My life is just in ruin. How could some people be so mean? I have his child the least I deserved is respect. What do I do? I'm just struggling to cope with the stress alone with my two kids.


I would take her if I liked her. The reasons you gave for someone to not want to be with you are excuses.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

There is more to life than marriage.
In any case of course you cannot be married to a man who would set up housekeeping in another country as if you don't exist.
However, you can certainly have the upper hand by taking legal action as if he does not pay his dues to you and his child - if he is American - his passport can be revoked. You are in the driver's seat and don't forget that. Put your intelligence to use and never mind what he said. He'll have to pay for what he's getting, no doubt, so make sure you and the kid are first in line.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

This may not be what you want to hear...

The fact that you're worried about finding your NEXT husband when your current marriage is still in effect suggests that you have a desparate need to be in a relationship. Perhaps you're letting your need to be in a relationship overwhelm your common sense and gut instinct that a prospective mate isn't the right man for you? In any case, I think your first priority needs to be to talk to a lawyer and protect yourself as you get rid of your current husband. Then get yourself emotionally healthy before you even consider dating. 

Just my $0.02...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marigold32 (Nov 24, 2013)

Thank you homemaker número uno, I'm British but I'll seek legal advice and see where to take it from there. PBear I'm not looking to get into another relationship any time soon. I'm just thinking if it comes it how would men see me that's all. And this marriage is obviously done with. Thanks for your input though.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/

That's brutal, however I would heed Pbear's advice in this especially in what he said here:


> Perhaps you're letting your need to be in a relationship overwhelm your common sense and gut instinct that a prospective mate isn't the right man for you?


IMO you've made several wrong choices with men but that's all there is to it. You are not undesirable, you are attractive, know that. He simply sounds like the type of guy who treats a woman more like an accessory than a human being. League... fashion... bleh

You are right not to look for anything at the moment. Right now you need to focus on yourself, heal from past wounds, reflect on your mistakes but don't dwell on them, learn from them and move on. You deserve better... MUCH MUCH better than this trash.

You ask how would men see you, well we are all human beings with individual opinions, but my personal opinion? I see a woman who has made several bad choices in life as she is human, and I see that this woman can achieve much better once she realises who she is and her own worth. Once that woman realises this, I am confident that she will go back into the world stronger, wiser, and more capable of making better decisions in the future.

Hope that helped =/


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> IMO you've made several wrong choices with men but that's all there is to it. You are not undesirable, you are attractive, know that. He simply sounds like the type of guy who treats a woman more like an accessory than a human being. League... fashion... bleh
> 
> You are right not to look for anything at the moment. Right now you need to focus on yourself, heal from past wounds, reflect on your mistakes but don't dwell on them, learn from them and move on. You deserve better... MUCH MUCH better than this trash.
> 
> ...


A most gracious post Random Dude :smthumbup:... What I was thinking myself... she may have had a really bad "picker" in the past....so for now.. to see this, learn from it....or whatever has been the downfall in these marriages...

Assess those character red flags carefully while dating.... find yourself...KNOW what you want/ need...what YOU Have to offer in a relationship......be careful to whom you attach yourself to ....this can make a world of difference in how a relationship plays out....but it always takes 2. 

In the mean time.. even spending time reading on this forum is a wealth of information to learn more about relationship dynamics.....could pick up a "Dating" book such as these.....

*1.* Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bring You and Your Soulmate Together: ...or ...

*2. *Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship: ...IF this is ultimately what you yearn for ..... so you are prepared to find fulfillment if/when you find a decent man... the give & take necessary to sustain with someone compatible ...for who you are..


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## Marigold32 (Nov 24, 2013)

RandomDude your coments mean a lot and just like Pbear I'll take all on board, I can't thank y'all enough. It's really refreshing being on here. SimplyAmorous thanks for your advice and tips. Your input makes a lots of difference to my situation right now.


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