# When did you just know.....



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I have debated this for some time, even a separation for some time, because I really feel my H doesn't listen (he hears but doesn't listen), not to mention his consistently doing things that lead me to believe he is having at the very least EAs. 
I just don't know.... anyone have some really good advice or resource or article on when you know it is time to just stop fighting for your marriage.


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Every marriage is different, it is really hard to tell someone how to feel it's time. It comes down to how much you are willing to put up with, for how long, and when is it enough for you and you will not put up with anymore. 

When I'm done I'm just done I can't explain how I know, it is just I'm done with the crap and had my fill and if communication or acknowledging my feelings on a subject does not get it accomplished, It does not take me long to realize I'm done because life is too short to be unhappy.

I seen your other post, how long have you suspected the EA your husband was having? have you ever tried to talk to him about it? if so what was his reaction. You said he does not know you know of this EA, so I'm thinking you have not talked to him about it.


----------



## WtfamI (Jan 19, 2016)

I TOTALLY understand where your coming from! I think as women we naturally love toooo much and by doing so we can be often taken for granted. After awhile you finally lose yourself and who you are so much by putting all your love into him and not yourself you become the bottom of his priority list and then starts the disconnecting process. He disconnects because if you can't make yourself a priority then why should he. then over time he slowly loses respect for you. You have to set boundaries and make sure you follow through on the consequences... It teaches him how to respect you and that you won't be put second. 
I heard a perfect example the other day.... In school there was always the nice boy that did everything a woman would want, hold her books, open doors, etc. she never wanted him... Why? because we don't value anything that we haven't had to earn. Have that Queen attitude and make him or the next man earn you and value you. I'm not saying don't give any love at all! I'm just saying only give what is earned. There's nothing wrong with you giving love but make sure it's reciprocated and make sure if it isn't that it's addressed and not swept under the rug in fear of losing that person. Be strong! It's a daily process. I know I'm still learning!


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

He's just not that into you is a good book. Even if it's about dating, the points are still relevant to marriage. It's a book about respect. You can get it on Kindle. 

Codependent no more is also good, a general read for everyone.


----------

