# Divorce Date - Just that?



## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I'm re-posting my thread here as well.


I am amazed at how much power I am giving to a date. As if there is no return nor reuniting.

My divorce proceedings are on hold, while we both attend MC together. We have been separated 7 months, and have 2 small children.

However, I have been dreading the "inevitable" D Date. During this separation, neither of us has dated anyone, nor hooked up, etc. Our split is primarily due to "growing apart" and ILYBNILWY.

So, why then, have I been giving away such power to a date? Out of fear? YES. 

I realize the chances of reuniting after the divorce are small, but, it may be a little bigger with us, since we're in a 5 mile radius of each other, and are both so interactive with our children (e.g. spend time together as family, impromptu visits, etc.).

Sometimes, my emotions spiral.

Does anyone else have advice, or can share similar feelings about dealing with the dreaded D-date, which in my case, may not even occur?

Thanks.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

not sure what you're asking...that the date that it will occur is ruined forever for you? i know i would look at it as another day, because the whole thing for me has been such a process, not defined in one day...i didn't even feel much for our 20th annv. last month. i was a little bummed out, but i could see just treating it as any other day in the future.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

cabbage65 said:


> not sure what you're asking...that the date that it will occur is ruined forever for you? i know i would look at it as another day, because the whole thing for me has been such a process, not defined in one day...i didn't even feel much for our 20th annv. last month. i was a little bummed out, but i could see just treating it as any other day in the future.


More of seeking advice on how to deal with the finalization of divorce. 

I have felt as though once the paperwork is signed, then my wife will immediately start dating, ignoring me, feel relief, and our entire relationship (15 years) will be written off.

These feelings have stirred my desperation in somehow saving our marriage, because I let my emotions define that day as the day we are OVER, no point of return.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I'd concentrate on the fact both have not moved on and you both are in MC. That means your odds are greater for R. Some never even get a chance to work on it at all or its one sided. Focus on improving what you need to to help the marriage move forward as it sounds like that is what you both want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

sadwithouthim said:


> I'd concentrate on the fact both have not moved on and you both are in MC. That means your odds are greater for R. Some never even get a chance to work on it at all or its one sided. Focus on improving what you need to to help the marriage move forward as it sounds like that is what you both want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's what I focus on. 

It is mostly 1-sided.

Maybe more detail would help. I filed for D (out of emotions) and put it on hold. My W admits she has already checked out of the marriage, can't love me again, LYBNILWY, holds a very minute chance at us making lasting changes, and gravely fears me returning to the house. Coupled with that are the expenses with lawyers to date.

She feels guilty and hates to see me emotionally suffer so much that she offered to attend MC as a way to support me during this time. 

However, I take solace in the fact that she has not refused joint MC. And our C recognizes that. Our C is a solutions-based, marriage priority C.

But, I am there to make changes to myself. Whether we benefit (I hope) or not. I agree with what I read about WAW syndrome---My next wife (hopefully the current) will reap the benefits of my changing for me and making me a better person who places the happiness of others ahead of myself.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Jayb said:


> More of seeking advice on how to deal with the finalization of divorce.
> 
> I have felt as though once the paperwork is signed, then my wife will immediately start dating, ignoring me, feel relief, and our entire relationship (15 years) will be written off.
> 
> ...


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