# Need some insight from the women out there!!!



## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

In the other thread I made I had hoped to get some illumination about something my wife had said. She said that she was able to orgasm "sometimes" when she masturbates and that she does not do it very often. I am trying to get my head around what this means and how to proceed from here. I figure that it has a lot to do with between her ears and if any of you have went from not wanting to have sex to being able to be sexual and let yourself go when you are with your husband I would love to hear from you. Right now just getting her to be sexual is like beating my head against the wall. We are in therapy so hopefully we can start dealing with this. She did not have the ideal upbringing and sexually she has not had the best luck (pregnant the first time) and she admits that she thinks its dirty and she shouldn't be doing it. And this is the root of our problems that infects everything else and my goal is to make this work between us and unleash the sexual dynamo that I am sure lurks beneath the surface. Thanks!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i think you just stated the prob, she could see a counsler. this is a pretty big thing to handle alone.

she has to trust you enough, and you have to be willing to let her talk and be a sounding board, of sorts. it is hard to see our people in pain and as men you want to fix it. but this is somrthing you cant do on your own.

she might have experenced something bad in her past and not to seen "weak" or "less than" in your eyes. its hard to hear, she needs to talk, but not to you.

offer to talk or listen, again very hard not to jump in and comment, or pass judgement, or state on opinion. thats why i said its big and you might not be able handle it alone. its too easy to catch feelings and get heated about our spouses views on past fights, and you would want to defend your actions and make counter arguements.

none of these will help, only hinder and push her farther away.

i hope i have not confussed you further with this. if so please forgive me. im always here if you want to type at me in all caps to tell me off if im off base........


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

If she has grabbed your crotch and nothing has come from it, as you said in your last thread, then she is looking for help not just from her counselor but also from you.

Help her break out of her shell


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## az_wife (Nov 18, 2010)

I used to feel like your wife and it had A LOT to do with being raped and a horrible first marriage but with time and patience I am far from being the way I used to be. Trusting your husband plays a big roll in being open and sexual with him, I also woke up one day and said screw it, I have one life to live I'm going to live it to the fullest

I would say be patient and if u can get her to really open up and talk to you the "sexual dynamo" just might emerge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I think you can be positive and encouraging more than anything else. If she starts to open up, encourage that behavior! Let her know how happy it makes you. 

Make sure sex seems like something fun and safe. Don't walk on eggshells around her or be too nervous when you try to initiate or introduce new ideas/activities. Be upfront and positive and confident that it will be a fun experience. I'd suggest being the more confident and assertive one; if you wait for her to start initiating, she might feel awkward or unsure of how to proceed. Don't wait around and "hope" that she'll like something--go with the attitude that you will have a good time, and if it doesn't happen, then it's not an issue; you'll find something else that works.

As hard as it may be, don't let your feelings get hurt if she says no or isn't comfortable. You shouldn't be too upset OR react by over-apologizing, saying you're so so sorry for pressuring her, blah blah blah--these actions will make her more nervous and uncomfortable. Anything that makes sex seem like a "big deal" will make it more intimidating for her and more uncomfortable. You want it to seem like something accessible to her that will be easy for her to participate in.

Hope this helps!


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## Seeker (Sep 1, 2010)

I'm a wife dealing with similar issues, and all I can say is it's VERY hard to unlearn a lifetime of thinking/acting a certain way. I've never been able to have an orgasm with a partner, and after 20+ yrs of marriage, I'm finally wanting that to change. But being comfortable enough to make it happen seems impossible at times. Your head can say that it's safe, it's normal, it's fun, etc., but that doesn't translate to the rest of your body. 

I'm trying first to be able to make myself orgasm while I'm with my husband, and even that is hard to do. Baby steps, just adding little things one at a time, is what I'd suggest. Focus on making her feel pleasure, even if she doesn't have an orgasm, and little by little maybe she'll become more receptive.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I never did until recently and to be honest it was quite an anticlimax to the whole saga. People go on and on about when you climax with your partner it is beautiful and awesome etc etc, but when it happens the first thing you think is "Is that it?". It's not as great as people keep saying it is, so don't worry about it so much! Enjoy the journey not the destination, so to speak! Because as I've found out, the journey is a LOT better than the destination


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