# Lamborghini without gas...sexless marriage



## The dude lives (Dec 17, 2013)

I have been reading through posts for over a year now gleaning tons of wisdom via different perspectives. However, I have yet to find exactly the right topic for my situation. My wife is a rare beauty, super model hot, and I hate to sound crass or as a braggart, but she is very skinny, has a perfect body, and has nearly perfect breasts after two kids ( double D and crazy perfect). She is quite the genetic specimen. Unfortunately, she only desires or will have sex once every 6 weeks or so on average. On the mental side we are both connected and share a common sense of humor. We laugh together all the time. There are other issues of course, but seriously, what relationship is without them?

I have made excuses for years regarding the lack of sex (cliche I know). It was always...Maybe when she turns 30 it will kick up as she gets more comfortable with herself. It didn't happen... Maybe after childbirth things will change...sigh...

I allowed for the low libido during the pregnancy and kid phase of our 4 and 7 yr olds thinking that, "once things settle down we will get to where I want them to be". The unbelievably foolish thing of me is that they never have been and likely never will be. 

We have gone to counseling, had countless heart to hearts followed by spurts of increased sexual activity (once every other week for a month or so, yeah that was the spurt). All to no avail. Still things ALWAYS go back to the same level of once every month or two. Ugh! BTW, my preference is about 3 times a week...sigh...

Also, it is not just "sex". There is noooo intimacy, no hand holding, kisses, etc. I now know I really "need" that stuff. It is tough for a guy to admit it, but it is true! Frankly, I would love it if she cheated on me so I would know there is a spark somewhere that I just wasn't tapping into!! Seriously! 

This past year, out of exasperation I started EAs. Yeah, I suck, I know... They didn't do it for me frankly. It is not just the sex, it is the connectivity that sex and intimacy brings. I want to grow old and saggy with someone I adore on every level...

The problem is, after stopping trying to have sex with my wife, I no longer find her attractive! Crazy huh? She is still hot after all, I just don't want to have sex anymore. What is wrong with me? The faucet has been turned off!

So the question is do I suck it up for the kids or find a relationship with a more compatible level of intimacy? Feel free to judge away!!!


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't know why you would say there have been no others in your situation, it is an extremely common problem here. 

Unless what? You are referring to the hotness and breast size of your wife? -Unfortunately hotness and sex drive are not related. 

Perhaps she is afraid that touching you will just make you want more sex?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You tell her the truth. You can't handle a sexless marriage long term and you want out.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

That's gotta be tough. Was she always a non sexual woman who wasn't interested in sex, or did it cool off shortly into the real stage of the relationship?

What are you willing to do about it?


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> That's gotta be tough. Was she always a non sexual woman who wasn't interested in sex, or did it cool off shortly into the real stage of the relationship?


Depending on what the answer is, you might have to ask why she married you at all? If she's not attracted to you in that way, they why bother at all and why don't your needs matter enough for her to change her behavior? The answer might hurt, but you need to know.


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

If you have done all you can with counseling, multiple talks, expressing your needs, etc and you can not live with it the way it is you have two choices.

Pack you bags and make her realize just how serious you are.

Live with it and get a hobby that fills the need. 

My GF is very attractive also. She can not remove an article of clothing without me getting excited about her. Yet she consistently does not understand my needs and excuses them. Its about the most frustrating thing in the world. But I am a "u haul away" from a different life. You have kids and a marriage and D is not fun.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Your wife is not that into you. In my opinion men in general pay way too much attention to hotness and not nearly enough to how into them she really is. That's probably going to get me into trouble, but I can take it. My guess is that you were so enthralled with how hot she is that you didn't pay attention to much else.
There's no good solution to this;.you can threaten to pack your bags but even if she relents you're not going to get someone that wants you, you're going to get someone that sucks it up until you're done and won't even be able to keep that up for long. The whole attitude of "demand she meet your needs" only works if your sole goal is to get your rocks off, but I sense you want a connection.
I'd consider moving on with as few hard feelings as possible. She is who she is and you are who you are, and it appears those two aren't compatible add a married couple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Somebody is sick of her **** too.

No matter how hot they are they still have their issues.

The next one will have them also. It just depends on what you can stand to put up with or do without. Unfortunately sex is something that we can not do without yet our mates can not seem to realize that fact.


----------



## Aspasia (Dec 18, 2013)

The dude lives said:


> I have been reading through posts for over a year now gleaning tons of wisdom via different perspectives. However, I have yet to find exactly the right topic for my situation. My wife is a rare beauty, super model hot, and I hate to sound crass or as a braggart, but she is very skinny, has a perfect body, and has nearly perfect breasts after two kids ( double D and crazy perfect). She is quite the genetic specimen. Unfortunately, she only desires or will have sex once every 6 weeks or so on average. On the mental side we are both connected and share a common sense of humor. We laugh together all the time. There are other issues of course, but seriously, what relationship is without them?
> 
> I have made excuses for years regarding the lack of sex (cliche I know). It was always...Maybe when she turns 30 it will kick up as she gets more comfortable with herself. It didn't happen... Maybe after childbirth things will change...sigh...
> 
> ...


Hi dude!

It sounds like she's always been a person with LD. I understand you thought that would change but this was your assumption (I think) and not her promise. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. She is who she is. It's a very difficult situation when it involves children. Since it sounds like you have tried everything, now it's time to make a decision. Can you live without the affection you stick around for the rest I your lives for the kid's sake? Or are you ready to leave with all that this entails? A divorce will NOT be easy. You'll see the children less for sure, your financial situation will change, and another man will be involved in the kid's lives. Yet, when you're old and saggy, as you put it, would you think that being unhappy all your life was worth staying? Clearly, you're not happy.
I'm a Lamborghini that her husband doesn't want to drive (to keep with your analogy) so I completely understand your situation. Thankfully, I don't have children so it was a bit "easier" to make the decision to end the marriage. As you, I need not only sex but what it comes with it. Intimacy, cuddling, hand holding, kisses, etc. it gets old quickly feeling like you're begging for affection. I, personally, couldn't be happy in that situation. I got one too many rejections! As in your case, my STBXH is very attractive but would never initiate sex and prefer to keep watching Tv even if I showed up wearing lingerie. I don't need another friend, I needed a husband and a huge part of being in a marriage is sex.
Divorce is not easy for kids, my parents got divorce when I was young but I prefer that because my parents are both way happier than they were when together. Also, at some point, a marriage that's more of a roommate situation can become toxic for children and it's better for them not to be in that situation. I have two good friends who's parents stayed married until they were 18 to keep the family together. Both of them wish they would have divorce much earlier as it was obvious to them, even as kids, that they weren't happy and fulfilled. 
I'm sorry to tell you that either decision, staying or leaving, won't be easy. I wish you all the best!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

