# Left for another man now shes back



## 1-12-t1 (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi, Im new here and already had a lot of help but got this for you. I have been with this girl almost 3 years, she was my first, but i wasnt hers. for the first year and a half this caused all the firsts. almost daily. i was immature and hated it. Always saw videos. Skip a bit forward i went to college for a year, and half way in she broke up with me and never got with me again. I came back home and we got back together, we talked the whole time and always cared. I went thru her texts and found out she had sex with another guy and hooked up with another guy (a friend of mine). Around the time she broke up with me. She never said he was the reason but i think he was. She said she was lonely and depressed. I can understand, when i left her family said she cried for days. Im not blaming her for the things she did i know if i never left she wouldnt have done it, but how do i move on? when i go to sleep i see that guys face. And how she told me she had sex without a condom with the other guy. I love her do death i cant leave her (maybe thats my problem) so i need to get past it. I know its very immature and i hate bringing it up but i do. How do i stop it?


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

Looks like you can't get over it, man. You need to move-on, or keep trying to block the mental images(I can't) if you want to stay with her. My advise... get yourself a new GF-- one who won't cheat on you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you want it to stop you need another GF.

She is not someone you want a long term relationship with, or ever marry.

As you get older you will find someone, there is plenty of time and the feeling you have will fade in time. 

Right now look after your self and focus on a career, hobby, and just dating different girls. Once you start dating different girl you will find that they are not all selfish and decietful. The point is get out there and experience different women and take notice if any of them are just like your now GF. Those will be the ones to stay away from.

Chualk it up to a learning experience and move on.

Its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.


One more thing. Don't be confussed with her alligator tiers, most likely she was cring b/c she doesn't understand way she sleeps around all the time and wants to keep a BF but doesn't know how. That is something you can't fix, she is broken and needs to fix her self.

By the way, what did you mean by vidoes?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

t1, yup she cheated, and one thing about cheaters is they will cheat again unless they are constantly doing more than their share of protecting the relationship. If you don't want to go through life taking a risk that your partner will cheat then you are better off finding someone that has demonstrated those same values. How do you let go? There are a ton of threads on that topic:

Talk About Marriage - Search Results

I am in the process of letting go too... I've found I've been able to let go of the bad parts quite readily which is the important part of starting the healing, however its missing the good times, and the things that could have been that is really hard to let go of. To me though, I realize that the good is tied to the bad, and so to face reality means realizing that the future is still unwritten - it is empty to think of it without the one we love, but as the future comes we will find new loves again.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

It sounds like you had broken up before she was with the other guys. Is this right?


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## 1-12-t1 (Aug 7, 2011)

Lon said:


> t1, yup she cheated, and one thing about cheaters is they will cheat again unless they are constantly doing more than their share of protecting the relationship. If you don't want to go through life taking a risk that your partner will cheat then you are better off finding someone that has demonstrated those same values. How do you let go? There are a ton of threads on that topic:
> 
> Talk About Marriage - Search Results
> 
> I am in the process of letting go too... I've found I've been able to let go of the bad parts quite readily which is the important part of starting the healing, however its missing the good times, and the things that could have been that is really hard to let go of. To me though, I realize that the good is tied to the bad, and so to face reality means realizing that the future is still unwritten - it is empty to think of it without the one we love, but as the future comes we will find new loves again.


what was that link to?
and no we werent together but i have a feeling she broke all ties with me and didnt talk to me cause she had him. Every day is a new me, one day i love her and i think that me not being able to get over is being controling that i cant change the past and the next day i want out because i dont want to be 75% happy with my girlfriend who i love so much and hate 25%. She is perfect but her past... since she met me. I told her i want her personality and love in a whole new girl. And today i decied to walk away. But everytime ive walked away ive always ran back. Thats the hard part. And videos... As in images that i have put in my head. Like she got with my friend. So i keep thinking about him eating her out. And it makes me sick.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Oh sorry, guess link doesn't stay for long... it was just the search results for "letting go" on these forums. Here is a good thread on it:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html

And yeah, even if she wasn't technically with someone when you were together she likely had this other option lined up, emotionally she was already invested in another guy and so wasn't putting anything into your relationship, same as cheating.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

K. I'm going to take a little different position here having dated my wife long distance for 6 years. You left, she broke up with you. She didn't cheat on you. This is the very thing we tell people here to do - if you don't want your spouse any more fine - leave but don't cheat. This is what she did. Now, the two of you stayed connected while you were away and when you returned you resumed the relationship. Awesome, but this isn't connect the dots. Stopping and then resuming the relationship doesn't mean that the time in between retroactively becomes time she was committed to you. Long distance relationships are tough and require a lot of understanding and flexibility. Clearly she either couldn't or wouldn't deal with a SO long distance, so she broke up with you. During this time you were free to pursue other relationships to, you chose not to. Part of resuming with her is accepting what happened while she was broken up with you. If you can accept it, continue the relationship. If you can't, move on. 

All of the above is predicated on that she didn't engage a relationship with the OM before you left, and in no way is meant to excuse any relationship she developed with another man WHILE committed to you. Best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You need to mature. The best way to do that is to date other girls. You should date girls who live nearby. It will only take a few weeks/months to stop worrying about your ex-girlfriend.

I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school/college recently. She kept saying, "Remember when we ..." And I honestly couldn't.

Good luck.


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## 1-12-t1 (Aug 7, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> K. I'm going to take a little different position here having dated my wife long distance for 6 years. You left, she broke up with you. She didn't cheat on you. This is the very thing we tell people here to do - if you don't want your spouse any more fine - leave but don't cheat. This is what she did. Now, the two of you stayed connected while you were away and when you returned you resumed the relationship. Awesome, but this isn't connect the dots. Stopping and then resuming the relationship doesn't mean that the time in between retroactively becomes time she was committed to you. Long distance relationships are tough and require a lot of understanding and flexibility. Clearly she either couldn't or wouldn't deal with a SO long distance, so she broke up with you. During this time you were free to pursue other relationships to, you chose not to. Part of resuming with her is accepting what happened while she was broken up with you. If you can accept it, continue the relationship. If you can't, move on.
> 
> All of the above is predicated on that she didn't engage a relationship with the OM before you left, and in no way is meant to excuse any relationship she developed with another man WHILE committed to you. Best of luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But emotionally we were still together. Emotionally she made me think she was mine the whole time. She was still investing effort into the "relationship". I knew she wanted me home, the whole time she did. We didnt talk for maybe a combined time of 3 weeks. All together. Not a 3 week break, a week here a week there. Emotionally she was still with me. And for the above comment I am planning on dating other women, But to lead by example, my next relationship i am going to wait a long time, maybe i even wont, to have sex.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> You need to mature. The best way to do that is to date other girls. You should date girls who live nearby. It will only take a few weeks/months to stop worrying about your ex-girlfriend.
> 
> I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school/college recently. She kept saying, "Remember when we ..." And I honestly couldn't.
> 
> Good luck.


:iagree:

You will see that there are indeed other fish in the sea, and that the ex was not the only option.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

1-12-t1 said:


> But emotionally we were still together. Emotionally she made me think she was mine the whole time. She was still investing effort into the "relationship". I knew she wanted me home, the whole time she did. We didnt talk for maybe a combined time of 3 weeks. All together. Not a 3 week break, a week here a week there. Emotionally she was still with me. And for the above comment I am planning on dating other women, But to lead by example, my next relationship i am going to wait a long time, maybe i even wont, to have sex.


Glad you're talking about moving on into other possible relationships in the future. Take this as a learning, growing up experience. Your ex isn't yet mature enough for a long term committment yet. The fact that she broke up with you very soon after you went off to college, using the excuse that she was lonely and depressed, proves that. She bailed as soon as the going got just a little tough. That's not the the trait of a partner that you will want to have a long term relationship with, much less possibly marry.


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## 1-12-t1 (Aug 7, 2011)

Hey thanks all for the feed back. Yes, i do need to start fishing for more girls. Im 19 in college and not too bad lookin haha. But now i gotta get her off my mind and just get talkin. Forgot how to hit on girls


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

There is no such thing as 'soul mates' and the sooner you accept it the quicker you will realize that you can have a deep, satisfying, intimate and loving relationship with any healthy and unattached woman. Accept nothing less.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

That's the ticket. She is a serial cheater. Best to move on to someone who will love you. Don't get hung up on the next girls past if her relationships are within reason. You have a past now too.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

You left for school, and she saw her opportunity. It's like they told us in Army basic training: "Don't worry about your little girlfriend back home-you're here being all that you can be, right now she's back home with your buddies being all that she can be!"


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don`t know what`s up with all the "She`s a cheater" comments.

She broke up with him when he moved away which is entirely understandable. Many people have no interest in an LDR.

I`ve been happily married to my wife for 12 years and if she told me she was going to be away for a month it would be a dealbreaker.

She`s also somewhere in her early twenties (assumption) and noboy knows anything about any intimate relationship in their twenties.
Cut her some slack.

The fact that she slept with the OP`s friend is obviously a sign of poor choices on her part but again, she`s young.

She didn`t cheat, stop saying she did.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

maybe this thread /



http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/32342-girlfriend-always-mad.html


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

F-102 said:


> You left for school, and she saw her opportunity. It's like they told us in Army basic training: "Don't worry about your little girlfriend back home-you're here being all that you can be, right now she's back home with your buddies being all that she can be!"


In Navy basic training they told us that we would return to find our girl friends the same way we left them ... freshly f^cked.

That was back before the PC world we live in now. Same point though.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> K. I'm going to take a little different position here having dated my wife long distance for 6 years. You left, she broke up with you. She didn't cheat on you. This is the very thing we tell people here to do - if you don't want your spouse any more fine - leave but don't cheat. This is what she did. Now, the two of you stayed connected while you were away and when you returned you resumed the relationship. Awesome, but this isn't connect the dots. Stopping and then resuming the relationship doesn't mean that the time in between retroactively becomes time she was committed to you. Long distance relationships are tough and require a lot of understanding and flexibility. Clearly she either couldn't or wouldn't deal with a SO long distance, so she broke up with you. During this time you were free to pursue other relationships to, you chose not to. Part of resuming with her is accepting what happened while she was broken up with you. If you can accept it, continue the relationship. If you can't, move on.
> 
> All of the above is predicated on that she didn't engage a relationship with the OM before you left, and in no way is meant to excuse any relationship she developed with another man WHILE committed to you. Best of luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is it. They were not a couple. She did not cheat on him. 

He needs to get over it. This is how relationships go. You leave someone and they are free to prusue their lives. They are not required to stay faithful to someone they do not have a relatinship with.

duh!?

Now if this bothers him, then he needs to let her go.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I don`t know what`s up with all the "She`s a cheater" comments.
> 
> She broke up with him when he moved away which is entirely understandable. Many people have no interest in an LDR.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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