# Has this ever happened to you...



## SeenBetterDays (Mar 4, 2013)

H and I are in R.

We do live apart. H lives with our youngest son, I with a cousin(female)whom I've been close with since childhood.

H and I are dating...taking it slow,because I have a trust issue!?!......huh,go figure.

On one of our most recent dates H called me by the OW NAME!!!!!

I just got up and walked out without saying a word.

Have any of you been called by the OW/OM name?

LIVID!!

Another incident prior to this.. We had an appointment with our lawyer(not divorce) Business Lawyer. During that conversation H lets out that I was planning on leaving him because of his Emotional Relationship! I find him telling almost everyone this now.,not sure why. Contradicts the above for me. Anyway what blew me away was the lawyers response. She said, You mean because of such and such? She named the OW!

Had know idea she knew who he was talking about.

Well that's Trickle Truth coming to life.

UGHHHH....


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Ouch!!! No, but my wife did call our dog by the XOM's name on the first d-day in 2011. I think your reaction would be the same as mine. Just walk the heck out. Your H is just adding insult to injury.

And why in the world is your H telling people that? He seems to be acting like a big arse.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

He never called me by any of the OWs' names. But he would pretty routinely get me confused with his LTA partner in other ways. _"Honey, you remember when I introduced you to so-and-so?"_ Well, no. Because that wasn't me you introduced to so-and-so. That was her. _"Hey, remember I told you about X?"_ Well, no. Because you never told me about X. That was her. 

I was never rude about it, but I would always just calmly say "that wasn't me" whenever this happened. He told me I was being difficult and not letting it go.....


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

The memories of their lover have already been well entrenched. I doubt you'll ever get the same person back.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

If you were really in R, he wouldn't be seeing her. He would have NC. Is he still in contact?


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## SeenBetterDays (Mar 4, 2013)

Rowan said:


> He never called me by any of the OWs' names. But he would pretty routinely get me confused with his LTA partner in other ways. _"Honey, you remember when I introduced you to so-and-so?"_ Well, no. Because that wasn't me you introduced to so-and-so. That was her. _"Hey, remember I told you about X?"_ Well, no. Because you never told me about X. That was her.
> 
> I was never rude about it, but I would always just calmly say "that wasn't me" whenever this happened. He told me I was being difficult and not letting it go.....


Yep! know exactly what you mean.

H has done this to me also in the past.

Claiming he has told me things when he hasn't. Problem is...I have a REALLY good memory..


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## SeenBetterDays (Mar 4, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> If you were really in R, he wouldn't be seeing her. He would have NC. Is he still in contact?


He hasn't seen her to the best of my knowledge....I have spy's...informants!

The only contact that I know of is when he claims he ACCIDENTALLY answered when she called.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

2x4 alert:

You seem to be letting him get with everything. Come on accidentally answered? If he took you seriously you can bet he would be triple checking before answering. Plus he's living alone? Hmm
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I have never understood why he can't simply change his phone number. You've been going through this for months & he doesn't take NC seriously.


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

ARGH!!! What was his reaction? Did he apologize?

Seen, you are a much better woman than I.

What has H finally admitted? Did this thing ever go to a PA? Sounds like he thinks D is a fait accompli. Where is his head? Where is yours?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Got called the last bf's name, but not the AP's name. Guess it was too easy to confuse me (50s) for the 27 year old. Her AP is 5 years younger than me, about the same height and build. She told me he was a "substitute" for me, whatever that means (she was supposedly in love with me?). 

Some substitute. Obliterator is a better term.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

PS I've called her my exW's name a few times. Completely accidental, never on purpose. But I was with her 20 years, so... 

She also called me her exH's name, about 5 times when we first got together. Better than calling me AP's name.


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## SeenBetterDays (Mar 4, 2013)

Busy Accountant said:


> ARGH!!! What was his reaction? Did he apologize?
> 
> Seen, you are a much better woman than I.
> 
> What has H finally admitted? Did this thing ever go to a PA? Sounds like he thinks D is a fait accompli. Where is his head? Where is yours?


He did apologize. Doesn't matter what he says to me anymore ....damage done. It's like I've become numb to it all.

I really have no proof it went Full Blown PA. The only thing close to admitting EA is the conversation with our lawyer....the admittance of Emotional Relationship as to the reason I was planning on leaving him. I have no idea why he would tell the lawyer this, I'm baffled by it! He also said, you just can't open up to people like that when married. Is that admitting? I guess it's the closes I'm going to get. I just don't know why he waited to speak out and why out in the open...in a group setting. Can't say,if what he is saying, is genuine. 

I think he's a classic Rug sweeper! His head is in the place of moving on, reaching our highest potential as a team...together.
I'm more then willing to do that. But I need more remorse from him,more acknowledgment of wrong doing. Sometimes I find myself plotting revenge.Because this type of betrayal takes something from you.It's really hard to regain what was taken ...if at all, Deep down I want him to hurt as much as I was hurt. And I know that's not going to happen.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> I have never understood why he can't simply change his phone number. You've been going through this for months & he doesn't take NC seriously.


They could use a land line to let the AP know the new number.. even a block on that phone, won't stop them from calling from another line... The best way for NC to work, is they have to no longer want contact...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

russell28 said:


> They could use a land line to let the AP know the new number.. even a block on that phone, won't stop them from calling from another line... The best way for NC to work, is they have to no longer want contact...


You're completely right, russell. Where there's a will there's a way. That's for sure.

This particular WH is a bit different, imo, though. He seems almost hapless, as if the OW leads him along and he has no say in anything. He won't do the simplest things, even if they are essentially symbolic, if it entails saying 'no' to her. He sounds like he wants NC because he wants his marriage, but doesn't have the will to walk to the other side of the street is he sees the OW in town.

Does it mean that he has deep feelings for the OW? Or that he is just a weak man? Who knows? I'm betting on the second.


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

"Emotional Relationship".....A....A.....A...Af.....Af...Af....AFFAIR!!!

JUST SAY IT ALREADY!!!!!

I wanted my H to feel the pain I felt. Our MC specifically asked me about that. HE said it was OK to feel that way (gee thanks Doc!). How are divorce proceedings going?

Could H be having "quickies" (talking or seeing) on the way to or from work..or during lunch in his normal job? Could he be using an office phone?

There is still something very "off" about all this. No doubt, H is weak or a pathological liar. Actually he sounds stubborn (which is a form of weakness). Has he had a history of not admitting his wrong or saying he's sorry, especially to you? My H had that problem for 29 years. I wonder if some of this is pride on his part.

What is it going to take to move you off the mark...one way or another?


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