# how long does a crush take ?



## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

hey there,
so i was wondering how long a crush takes to go away and the dopamine effect to subside. I know it differs from one person to the other but would love to hear from you. For me , it takes from 2 to 4 months . Thank you .


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

I don't have crushes on men anymore. I may look at a nicely shaped man when we are out (not oogling just looking), but that is the extent of it. 

For my own EA, I would say that going cold turkey helped me. I blocked every number he had, every email address, and, even, quit the game that I met him in. 

The withdrawal took 2 weeks for me. It helped when I seen my AP for what he truly was, a parasite that leeched the life out of my marriage. What was worse was that I was a willing participant.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It depends on whether I choose to fuel it with thoughts, contacts, etc. If I choose not to fuel it and shut down the thoughts and contact, it goes away quickly.


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## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

how do you get the strength to stop all contacts with your crush ?


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Well, for me, I was always very strong. I had to be growing up, but there was weakness when it came to the OM. I viewed my marriage as more important than my AP. I always told myself that I would remain faithful, and I was ashamed that I didn't. 

With the knowledge that I hurt my husband, I just basically did it. I went cold-turkey. For the first few weeks, I wanted to unblock him. We didn't have texting then. When the urge took me to message or unblock the OM, I would email my husband, redirect all the energies that I wanted to waste on the OM to my husband.

Eventually, I would get that rush that I had with the OM with my husband. You could say that I created (and still create) a love affair with him.


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## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

I am single and i only have crushes when i am lonely and vulnerable so it is really hard to cut all contacts with him. I am just too weak sometimes.

I have feelings for this friend of mine who is getting married. I told him recently that i have feelings for him and it is better if we ended this friendship . He asked me if i could be friends with him and i said NO. Days later he texted me commenting on a pic i put up. We texted after that but nothing inappropriate. He called me once to check on me...

I am just wondering why he would still contact a friend who admitted having feelings for him. I know he is so happy that he is getting married and that he loves his fiancee dearly.

As one member on here said " what you allow will continue..". I have to put stop to that..

I don't know what to do.. I made a mistake by not showing that i am firm with the NC thing. I think i just can't tell him again the same thing. I have two options now . The first is to never initiate any contact with him and he will get busy with his wedding which is for the better. The second thing is to block him and go cold turkey..


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

jane1213 said:


> I am single and i only have crushes when i am lonely and vulnerable so it is really hard to cut all contacts with him. I am just too weak sometimes.
> 
> I have feelings for this friend of mine who is getting married. I told him recently that i have feelings for him and it is better if we ended this friendship . He asked me if i could be friends with him and i said NO. Days later he texted me commenting on a pic i put up. We texted after that but nothing inappropriate. He called me once to check on me...
> 
> ...


Hi Jane:

Let him process and go through his mourning period of losing a friend. You dropped this on him and now he has to process it just like you. I hope he is not a scum bag -- and wants more now that he is getting married -- but just like you are trying and accepting you can no longer be friends --- he is going through the same process.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Good for you for taking the initiative on this. It is for the best for everyone involved.


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