# Acceptance



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

What does acceptance mean to you? 

I see people, especially in RL who say they have accepted this or that, but yet still bang their head against the wall to try and figure things out, They still have constant questions to unknown answers, and most are the same questions they ask 100 times. They still are not "letting go" of things. 


So what does acceptance of something truly mean to you?


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I was just talking about this last week with Bob in another thread.

Accpetance is believing that a person is who they show you they are.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I have accepted the fact that both my husband and I are far away from our families. One is in China, the other one is in Canada. During the weekends, we have no one to visit but going to the department stores. When I miss them, I can only phone them. It was really hard for me for one year, but now I have accepted this, I feel much better. 

I have accepted the fact that my husband grew up as a witness, but he isn't active in the truth. He doesn't want to be like them, but he doesn't want me to join a different religion either. It means it is difficult for us to have close friends. For a long time I felt very bad that people in the truth stayed away from us, now I just don't give **** anymore. My husband told me he wouldn't be happy if he were forced to do things they are doing. I want my husband to be happy. I don't let those people influence me anymore. I don't try to change my husband's attitude about this anymore. I have accepted that my husband doesn't want to be like them, and they view my husband rebellious. We still go to their meetings. We do it because I don't want my mother-in-law to worry about us. 

These were two big issues I was struggling with. I used to feel pretty bad often because of these. Now because I have accepted these as reality in my life, I can't do anything to change it, it actually feels great that I don't try to hit my head against the stone anymore.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Acceptance to me, is when you let go of things you can't control. I also understand its human nature to ask questions and wonder why things are the way they are.

HOWEVER, constantly worrying about or still asking questions on the same issues over and over (especially even when answers have been given) then to me, they haven't fully accepted things. 

People can say they have accepted things, which doesn't mean they really have. You can usually tell if they have or not.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I would view acceptance in this prayer :


God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


There are things about my husband I would like to change: I wish he was more of a deep thinking conversationalist, I wish he was more of an animal in bed, I wish he enjoyed reading more and writing, but some things will just never be. I still love him, the good FAR outweighs the bad. 

There are things he would like to change about me: a nasty temper when I am mad, more patience with the kids, I think those would be at the top of his list. 

Greenpearl, I think your husband is SMART, he is simply what I call a "free thinker". Love his type. Not rebellious, just refuses to be controlled or coerced when it wars with his intellect. 

You can't please everyone in this world, to even try is asking for never ending striving. Got to be TRUE to ourselves before we can be real before anyone else. I bet it is one thing you admire about him.


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## Ser Pounce-A-Lot (Apr 7, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> What does acceptance mean to you?
> 
> I see people, especially in RL who say they have accepted this or that, but yet still bang their head against the wall to try and figure things out, They still have constant questions to unknown answers, and most are the same questions they ask 100 times. They still are not "letting go" of things.
> 
> ...


Acceptance, like love, is not just a word. If you aren't backing it up with action then it is just empty words. For me, to accept someone (especially in a spousal relationship) is to not try to change/manipulate a person despite whatever flaws you perceive that they have. Furthermore, embracing whatever habits or interests your spouse has that you don't agree with or understand is also to accept that person. They may still frustrate you, but responding with love instead of annoyance is a key aspect of succeeding in marriage. In fact it can be a phenomenal opportunity to show love. As Mort Fertel taught me, if you do something for your spouse and you have no idea why your spouse is interested in a particular thing but you did it anyway.....THAT is love. As an example, if your spouse loves pictures of lighthouses and you think they are boring but you accept that person as they are and decide to take them on a tour of famous lighthouses, well that is truly loving and accepting a person.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I would view acceptance in this prayer :
> 
> 
> God grant me the serenity
> ...


SA,

I like the prayer you quoted!  

What you said about my husband is very true, and it IS one thing I love about him. He is not being influenced by the world's standards, he is not being influenced by other people's standards. He strongly holds his own opinion. He doesn't care if those people like him or not. 

I used to be a people pleaser, like you said, then one day I realized that I just couldn't please everyone. I wasn't true about myself in front of Witnesses, I didn't dare to say things against them, I was pretending to be somebody I wasn't, and it was driving me crazy. Now I just avoid private contact with them. It is a pain for me to go to their meetings, I don't feel I belong to them. When I go to a place I don't feel I belong to, it is really no fun, I lack motivation. But my husband told me we can stop at any time I want to. If I don't want to go there anymore, I can stop it right away. I don't care about those people anymore, but I do care about my mother-in-law. I am opening up myself to her, I tell her what I don't like about their religion and what I like about their religion. But deep down in my heart I know if we go to their meetings, my mother-in-law is happier and feels closer to us. I know I have to live with it, like Paul said, we all have some thorns with us. This is my thorn! My attitude now, I don't live with those people, I live with my husband, my husband is more important to me, who cares what they think of my husband. If they don't respect my husband, I don't respect them, I don't want their friendship. They can stick their noses high in the sky and claim themselves to be holy, it doesn't worth anything to me. They can go to paradise like they claim, it means nothings to me.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Ser Pounce-A-Lot said:


> Acceptance, like love, is not just a word. If you aren't backing it up with action then it is just empty words. For me, to accept someone (especially in a spousal relationship) is to not try to change/manipulate a person despite whatever flaws you perceive that they have. Furthermore, embracing whatever habits or interests your spouse has that you don't agree with or understand is also to accept that person. They may still frustrate you, but responding with love instead of annoyance is a key aspect of succeeding in marriage. In fact it can be a phenomenal opportunity to show love. As Mort Fertel taught me, if you do something for your spouse and you have no idea why your spouse is interested in a particular thing but you did it anyway.....THAT is love. As an example, if your spouse loves pictures of lighthouses and you think they are boring but you accept that person as they are and decide to take them on a tour of famous lighthouses, well that is truly loving and accepting a person.


Ser,

Your post is very true about relationships. 

When we love somebody, we do things they like even though we don't enjoy much. My husband likes to go to museums and historical sites, I am not a big fan of it, but I still go there with him because I know he loves going there and learns. He doesn't like flowers, but he goes to the flower market with me at any time I want to, he lets me buy flowers at any time I want to. He doesn't spoil me when I am being unreasonable, but for flowers, he really spoils me.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

It can mean different things to different people. 

To me, it means to know when to let go of things in which we have no control over. To know you are a better person than to be stuck in a unhealthy situation. 

I do think there are many people who are in unhealthy situations and say they accept things the way they are. I'm not sure that is completely true, because if you are in a unhealthy situation your heart can never truly accept that. Unless you remove yourself. 

I'm assuming the OP is meaning acceptance based on relationships you can't do anything about. Not so much on accepting to go to see a ball game with your spouse even though you don't want to.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

To me, it means accepting what I have no control over and accepting that things are as they are.

In my particular situation - I have accepted that he husband I have now is not the husband I used to have - things have happened beyond both his and my control. It was hard accepting what is versus what was and it has taken me a while and I occasionally think about "what used to be", but I have accepted that it is what it is and I continue to learn how to deal with it.

Not easy, but I've accepted (resigned is a good word for me too) that I have to work with what I have, not what once was.

For some of us, that is the only option based on the circumstances involved.

It's so easy for others to just walk away and that's great for them. But for some of the rest of us, walking away causes more issues for us than staying.

I'm at peace with my decision.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I'm assuming the OP is meaning acceptance based on relationships you can't do anything about. Not so much on accepting to go to see a ball game with your spouse even though you don't want to.



:smthumbup: Yes, that was what I was meaning. More geared towards when to accept things in a bad situation. 

I also agree with whoever said not continuing to bang your head against the wall trying to figure it all too. I have known people who say they "accept things" then two weeks later are pulling their hair out trying to make sense of it all once again.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> :smthumbup: Yes, that was what I was meaning. More geared towards when to accept things in a bad situation.
> 
> I also agree with whoever said not continuing to bang your head against the wall trying to figure it all too. I have known people who say they "accept things" then two weeks later are pulling their hair out trying to make sense of it all once again.


And "those" people haven't truly accepted yet. They just think they have.

For some of us - it takes a lot longer to accept - it's a form of giving up and it's harder for some than others.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Acceptance is realizing that you are only in control of your thoughts and emotions so you can let your spouse be in control of their thoughts and emotions no matter what they are at any given time. 

Acceptance is realizing the only person you can change is yourself so can be free to stop trying to change the person you married into what you think they should be. Acceptance is understanding your spouse is the only one in control of changing themselves and if they want to change, they will.if not,then they won't.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I would view acceptance in this prayer :
> 
> 
> God grant me the serenity
> ...


I’m a really big fan of the above. But when it’s talking about changing an individual then I think the biggest piece of wisdom is “Don’t even try unless they ask for help in changing”. It’s like “When the pupil’s ready the teacher appears”. In my experience, teachers are always there just that the pupils aren’t ready and can’t see them.

So when it comes to people I see acceptance as totally accepting the good, the bad and the ugly about them, just as they are, just as we experience them.

And never try to change them. Why? Because as soon as we try and change a person we no longer see them for who they truly are. Plus I think the biggest gift we can give a loved one is total acceptance and acknowledgement of who they are.

But of course marriage counselling is all about changing, about learning new things. And in some ways marriage is about helping our partner to grow. In essence, life is about changing. So sometimes it’s a bit crazy in that the person we “accepted” yesterday is no longer the same person today. So we have to keep very aware of what a person is all about and constantly accepting new changes in them.

Bob


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

It means not trying to fight the circumstances anymore. I don't think I've accepted a thing in my entire life. I always struggle too much to understand, to know why. I'm miserable.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> For some of us - it takes a lot longer to accept - it's a form of giving up and it's harder for some than others.


Yes it is a form of giving up MWIL and there’s a deep sadness in that sometimes.

Bob


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

TemperToo said:


> It means not trying to fight the circumstances anymore. I don't think I've accepted a thing in my entire life. I always struggle too much to understand, to know why. I'm miserable.


At least you realize you haven't accepted things. Some people are to quick to say they have when their actions don't match their words.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> And "those" people haven't truly accepted yet. They just think they have.
> 
> For some of us - it takes a lot longer to accept - it's a form of giving up and it's harder for some than others.


Oh I agree, I highly doubt its something that can be done over night. I have known people though who do this for years, they go on and on and on about how they have accepted things, when you can tell they haven't, which to me is where their constant struggle lives. There is a sadness about it.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Why does acceptance have to be a form of giving up? can't it be thought of as a form of inner strength? accepting things as they are can be so hard to do and i think it shows true inner strength to truly accept things and people as they are.
giving up just seems so weak...i don't think of weakness when i think of acceptance.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Accepting people, and the fact you can't change them is one thing. Accepting a persons unhealthy or possibly dangerous behavior is quite another story. Unfortunately many people do.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> Why does acceptance have to be a form of giving up? can't it be thought of as a form of inner strength? accepting things as they are can be so hard to do and i think it shows true inner strength to truly accept things and people as they are.
> giving up just seems so weak...i don't think of weakness when i think of acceptance.


Giving up is negative, it sends the feeling of sadness. 

Acceptance is positive, it means that you know it is something beyond your power to change, you accept it, and you don't dwell on it anymore. 

Think more deeply, they do mean the same thing, they both mean that you stop trying to solve the unsolvable issues, only one is negative, the other one is positive.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Isn't it the last stage of the Kubler-Ross grief scale? Like when you 'accept' that you're going to die of whatever horrible disease you've got? To me acceptance is the calm quiet death of hope. It's what I imagine a suicide bomber feels when they push the detonator. 

Am I being exceptionally dark today?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

trey69 said:


> Accepting people, and the fact you can't change them is one thing. Accepting a persons unhealthy or possibly dangerous behavior is quite another story. Unfortunately many people do.


Yes but once you accept their behaviour’s never going to change you can protect yourself against it. If it’s with a spouse then the protection is via personal boundaries with intolerance.

Bob


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Isn't it the last stage of the Kubler-Ross grief scale? Like when you 'accept' that you're going to die of whatever horrible disease you've got? To me acceptance is the calm quiet death of hope. It's what I imagine a suicide bomber feels when they push the detonator.
> 
> Am I being exceptionally dark today?


You have been dark ever since you came to TAM.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> Why does acceptance have to be a form of giving up? can't it be thought of as a form of inner strength? accepting things as they are can be so hard to do and i think it shows true inner strength to truly accept things and people as they are.
> giving up just seems so weak...i don't think of weakness when i think of acceptance.


It's a lot to do with codependency. Codependents always think they can change their spouse, for example to get an alcoholic to stop drinking.

Once the codependent accepts their spouse as they are and that they’ll never change then for example they must also accept their spouse will forever be a drunkard. That’s the sadness part.

But it is an awakening journey for the codependent. They are now “free” of their spouse and need to learn how to no longer be a codependent. So from the codependent’s point of you, acceptance is both bad and good. It is the very beginning of a new journey in their life.

Bob


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> You have been dark ever since you came to TAM.


Yeh but it's all relative!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> What does acceptance mean to you?
> 
> I see people, especially in RL who say they have accepted this or that, but yet still bang their head against the wall to try and figure things out, They still have constant questions to unknown answers, and most are the same questions they ask 100 times. They still are not "letting go" of things.
> 
> ...


Not needing to let things go because I can decide not to consider them a big deal in the first place.

Example. DH has undiagnosed ADHD. This is as clear to us as the sky on a sunny day. When he does something flaky, it impacts us. It used to make me crazy. Insane! But acceptance means that this is the way it is. I cannot change it. I can decide that would be a deal breaker which would be crazy since he is awesome, and works really hard on procedures and habits to minimize the impact of his flake.

This weekend he went all the way into town for a number of errands. He gets all the way there and ... realizes he forgot his wallet. Formerly that would have made me crazy with frustration. Now I was like, ooops stuff happens. It is not part of the normal routine, so it is a golden opp for the ADHD to strike!


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> Why does acceptance have to be a form of giving up? can't it be thought of as a form of inner strength? accepting things as they are can be so hard to do and i think it shows true inner strength to truly accept things and people as they are.
> giving up just seems so weak...i don't think of weakness when i think of acceptance.


Maybe "letting go" sounds less defeated than "giving up."

Either way, I think acceptance/letting go/giving up ALL have something to do with knowing where YOU end and another person begins, and being able to step back and not try to MAKE someone else be/do something that they won't or can't do without your influence.

Here's the thing (projected based on my own experience):

"Acceptance" is a lovely concept in theory. The question is, what are you willing and unwilling to accept? 

If you can't accept certain things from someone, and they aren't willing to do something about it, then yes, you might have to "give up" trying, you "accept" that this is who they are, and then you decide if you're going to stick around or not. 

If you can accept certain OTHER things from someone, then you can "let go" of trying to change those things.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> You have been dark ever since you came to TAM.


I have to wonder why people ask what acceptance 'is'. I crashed a car into ditch. I accept that the car is wrecked. I accept that I will need to get it dumped on a flatbed truck and sent to a junkyard. 

I accept that my wife is a miserable angry person who's only apparent goal in life is to make everyone around her as miserable as she is. What I don't accept is it's my fault or my problem to fix or my responsibility. Miserable people are miserable. Cheaters cheat, liars lie. That is their nature.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> I accept that my wife is a miserable angry person who's only apparent goal in life is to make everyone around her as miserable as she is. What I don't accept is it's my fault or my problem to fix or my responsibility.


Will you accept this as YOUR situation for the rest of your life?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Yes but once you accept their behaviour’s never going to change you can protect yourself against it. If it’s with a spouse then the protection is via personal boundaries with intolerance.
> 
> Bob


Yes, this is true, so therefore you learn how to "deal" with your acceptance of another persons behavior or you move on. I was in that very situation years ago, with my drug addict wife. I chose to move on. Some choose not which is fine. There are many who can "accept" a persons behavior and detach without it effecting them for the rest of their lives. I tried living with it and "accepting" it, I couldn't, because her behavior was still in my face everyday.
Some people can "let go" and remain in a relationship. For me I had to "let go" and get out of it.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> I have to wonder why people ask what acceptance 'is'. I crashed a car into ditch. I accept that the car is wrecked. I accept that I will need to get it dumped on a flatbed truck and sent to a junkyard.
> 
> I accept that my wife is a miserable angry person who's only apparent goal in life is to make everyone around her as miserable as she is. What I don't accept is it's my fault or my problem to fix or my responsibility. Miserable people are miserable. Cheaters cheat, liars lie. That is their nature.


RLD,

We accept your dark humor. When I read your sentence, I just say: Ha, this is RLD. 

What do you do to make you happy? She is miserable, you can accept that. But you shouldn't let her misery influence you though!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Could be, yes. I can accept this is the way it is for the next few years. I think eventually, empty nest syndrome will sort itself out on its own.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

What do I do? I volunteer at hospitals and shelters. I am rehabilitating dogs to be therapy dogs. Mostly I try to keep moving forward.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RLD,

Emptying your nest isn't a bad idea. 

Or running away from this nest and build another nest! 

I like beautiful dogs!


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

trey69 said:


> Yes, this is true, so therefore you learn how to "deal" with your acceptance of another persons behavior or you move on. I was in that very situation years ago, with my drug addict wife. I chose to move on. Some choose not which is fine. There are many who can "accept" a persons behavior and detach without it effecting them for the rest of their lives. I tried living with it and "accepting" it, I couldn't, because her behavior was still in my face everyday.
> Some people can "let go" and remain in a relationship. For me I had to "let go" and get out of it.


:iagree:

My husband was/is a alcoholic. However he has been in AA recovery for almost 2 years and done great. 

As part of being codependant, I have learned to accept he is and always will be an alcoholic. I have accepted its part of who is and has become. I am thankful for his recovery process and sobriety everyday. The Serenity prayer is one he says and so do I. Its a good reminder. 

However, even though I have accepted he is who is, doesn't mean I will keep accepting the behavior if it were to happen again. In other words, if his behavior was to go back to drinking then its something I choose to no longer accept. I went through hell for years, and while I love him dearly, I know what my boundaries are, and what I will and will not put up with. He has a choice as do I.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> RLD,
> 
> Emptying your nest isn't a bad idea.
> 
> ...


These are a bunch of dumb hounds who washed out of professional jobs; bomb dog, drug dog, hunting dog. I'm trying to turn them into dogs used for psychological therapy aids for PTSD patients, sr. citizens, that sort of thing. I give it 50/50 success.

And the nest thing, once all the kids grow up and are financially independent, whether they stay lashed to their mother is their business. She I'm sure would hope they never marry and stay home being little babies and such.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> These are a bunch of dumb hounds who washed out of professional jobs; bomb dog, drug dog, hunting dog. I'm trying to turn them into dogs used for psychological therapy aids for PTSD patients, sr. citizens, that sort of thing. I give it 50/50 success.
> 
> And the nest thing, once all the kids grow up and are financially independent, whether they stay lashed to their mother is their business. She I'm sure would hope they never marry and stay home being little babies and such.


Wow...can't imagine wanting my son to keep living at home. He's only 8 and I'm already counting the days til he gets out of my hair and I can have my life back! lol 

Awesome about the dog training! I'd love to be able to have my shepherd be a therapy pooch...she's a little hyper right now though.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> These are a bunch of dumb hounds who washed out of professional jobs; bomb dog, drug dog, hunting dog. I'm trying to turn them into dogs used for psychological therapy aids for PTSD patients, sr. citizens, that sort of thing. I give it 50/50 success.
> 
> And the nest thing, once all the kids grow up and are financially independent, whether they stay lashed to their mother is their business. She I'm sure would hope they never marry and stay home being little babies and such.


RLD,

I have been wondering why you still stay with this miserable wife. So the big reason is for your kids?! 

A lot of people choose to stay in miserable marriages because of kids, they sacrifice themselves so the kids can have a more secure life, I don't know if the kids appreciate that, and I don't know if the children benefit from it or not. My feeling is: If the parents aren't happy together, it is difficult for them to set up a good role model for the kids, the kids will actually feel more insecure if the parents are constantly fighting or ignoring each other. I grew up in this kind of environment, it did a lot of damage to me.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well I think it's a combination of things. My kids are growing, not grown, but they will slowly be off on their own. I need to be fully engaged till then. I am certainly on the hook financially. I figure the next two years gets me out of most of the college costs. From there I am on the hook for 100% of all health care costs for the wife for up to 10 more years and for one child for 4 more years. I would rather have more control over that for the next 24-36 months. 

Another reason is inertia. You do what you do because you do it day after day. 

Another reason, frankly is fear of the unknown. I am not averse to being alone but getting there, after a whole life of not being alone, well that's a pretty steep learning curve to me. I have made the huge mistake of handing so much control over to my control freak wife that I am unconnected to many day to day details it would be a real learning experience to gather up all that. And combined with the known obstacles my warring wife would put up, that would be tough.

Another reason is fear of the known. That means I am sure my wife would turn the whole thing into an experience so horrible so painful that it would be worse than death.

And last but not least I would happily lose 90% or more of my worth and assets if I thought that would buy her off. But she won't be happy with 100% and more. This I know. I will also have to find a new skilled accountant as I would no longer be able to trust my accountant now, as she is a close friend of both of us but mostly my wife. We have two homes I would probably lose both of them. It's not that being broke is that horrible but I'd like to be a little more prepared for it first. In fact I may have to become 'judgment proof' which means no assets which can taken with a lien. 

And then when all that's done, which isn't an excuse, I admit, I'll still be the ruined messed person I am now. I wouldn't trust me to date anyone at that point, or ever.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RLD,

I clearly see your reasons now. 

Kids, fear of unknown and known, and financial issue. 

They are all tough! 

I often think about this, when people are married, they still remain civil even in a miserable marriage, but if one day you talk about divorce, all the past intimacy is gone, they become enemies, they hate each other more than they hate others, they wish the worst to happen to the person who they have shared a bed for so many years. 

You and your wife have been together for so many years, it IS difficult to break all these vicious circles. 

I am wondering: Why is she so miserable? Unhappy because her life didn't turn out to be the way she wanted?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That's the million dollar question. My theories would fill a book. It goes directly to childhood. People can be very unhappy not in spite of the opportunities you give them but because of the opportunities you give them. They have a martyr complex a mile wide and a mile deep. What you or I would call 'happy' they call unhappy. They're wrapped up in their own suffering. Suffering which is self imposed. 

I have said before I believe the clinical diagnosis is paranoia with psychopathic tendencies. The question is, why did that happen?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> That's the million dollar question. My theories would fill a book. It goes directly to childhood. People can be very unhappy not in spite of the opportunities you give them but because of the opportunities you give them. They have a martyr complex a mile wide and a mile deep. What you or I would call 'happy' they call unhappy. They're wrapped up in their own suffering. Suffering which is self imposed.
> 
> I have said before I believe the clinical diagnosis is paranoia with psychopathic tendencies. The question is, why did that happen?


I agree with you on that! 

A lot of us sink into our own depression and don't realize how lucky we are. Dwelling on something which happened in the past but can never let go. 

If we don't learn to forgive and forget, if we don't learn to let go, if we don't learn to enjoy the present, we can't be happy. When people are not happy, they make the environment for others unpleasant too! I believe there are a lot of people like that exist!


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