# Wife says I'm controlling?



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

OK today I stupidly made a comment about a birthday card she got me. She said it was because I'm controlling her and admonishing her to make sure she gets it right in future.

It was a really stupid and thoughtless thing to say. BUT I honestly, did not think of it this way.

I'm at a bit of a loss really as to how she thinks this. If you asked me I'd say it was the other way around. I'm pretty easy going and know I have my moments of being a bit paranoid and OTT sometimes but I honestly never thought I was controlling.

I just don't get it to be honest. I asked her to explain and she couldnt really say what it is - just that she feels controlled. One thing she said was my refusal to put stuff in the attic. This one always runs. I say we can't fit any more in there. She says I need to tidy it. I never get around to it.

She says this is me controlling her because she can't tidy the attic and me refusing means I've got control over the situation. Don't get it. Its just me being a bit lazy and having a different opinion on wheter we should cram the attic full surely?

I probably do some things that might be a bit much. BUT if you asked me I'd say it was the other way around if anything. She uses comments, snapiness, and irritability a LOT and I just sit back and ignore it.

I do tend to get a bit funny about things.Maybe. We did have problems with that a few years ago where I did go a bit jealous etc. Wife though is sort of speak first, think later, so some of the things she says do cross the line a little when she thinks its funny and I don't. Shes famous for this - her attitude seems to be "if you dont like what I've got to say then tough". We often disagree - my attitude being, you might think its funny but if you're hurting someones feelings then you need to think first.

Any comments? Obviously, I'd like to ensure I'm NOT controlling and whether I need to work on things....


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

There's not enough information to determine whether or not you are controlling but I do have a question. What is OTT?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

OTT= Over the top. 
We don’t have much to go on here but your wife seems to be saying that if you don’t do what she wants when she wants it then you are controlling. 
Would that be a fair assessment?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What did you say about the card? And, why? 

I'm guessing there is a medical reason for why she can't haul her buns up to the attic and tidy it herself. Just because you don't want to doesn't mean you're being controlling. Actually, she's the one coming off as the controlling one in this situation. She does know that stuffed attics are fire hazards, doesn't she?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You sound like you suffer from procrastination than controlling....I would give her the dictionary and ask her what controlling means.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Andy1001 said:


> OTT= Over the top.
> We don’t have much to go on here but your wife seems to be saying that if you don’t do what she wants when she wants it then you are controlling.
> Would that be a fair assessment?


Well yes I guess so. I dont really get it to be honest. Shes got an idea in her head that I always want things my way and I'm controlling because of it.

I aint perfect and I know I can be a PITA. But still. Her only example she could come up with was I wouldnt to it so I was controlling her because I was getting my way knowing she cant do it. Seems a stretch to me to be honest! Shes said I always do things like this to ensure I get my way.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Lostinthought61 said:


> You sound like you suffer from procrastination than controlling....I would give her the dictionary and ask her what controlling means.


Ha ha lazy arse maybe!


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Blondilocks said:


> What did you say about the card? And, why?
> 
> I'm guessing there is a medical reason for why she can't haul her buns up to the attic and tidy it herself. Just because you don't want to doesn't mean you're being controlling. Actually, she's the one coming off as the controlling one in this situation. She does know that stuffed attics are fire hazards, doesn't she?


Yeh shes got mobility issues so she cant do it. But yeh its a stretch I must admit.

It was dull what I said about the card. It was jokey and I didnt like the joke and should have not said anything. I admitted I was wrong.
Yet she turned it into it was me controlling her to make sure I got the right card next time. Honestly, never even crossed my mind - I just dunno where it came from.

Been googling in and I aint perfect. But I can't see anything apart from me possibly being a bit of a miserable git sometimes, and a PITA, but not controlling. I just don't get it.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

One possibly pertinent piece of info. Over the years we've both suffered depression. I'm good for last few years. Shes having a bad spell at the moment.

I know personally, it screws with your head, you don't think straight. Things get blown up in your head. Not making excuses, I love my wife, but shes off the mark massively here. I don't want to be controlling - so glad others on here have confirmed what I thought - its not me.

PErhaps I just need to ride this one and give her some slack and ignore things like this floating around in her head...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

To show her that you're not being controlling, you can tell her that she is welcome to find someone to carry that stuff to the attic and tidy it up and you'll split the cost with her.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Be wary of her explaining that she 'feels' a certain way even though the facts don't support her view.

My wife used to say that on a variety of issues (in therapy). In her case, she was looking through a biased lenses (or filter) and there was nothing I could have done to avoid triggering her 'feeling'. 

Going forward, once I understood how her mind worked, I made a conscious effort (less now) to directly address her feeling in the moment as certain situations arose (and change my behavior where I could, less so now). Even though I didn't personally agree with her filter/view - my taking the intiative I improved my marriage and the quality of my life. And at the same time her bias stopped being an issue.

I think you know or can find out all the examples where she feels like you're controlling (and I get that you may think she's crazy). 

It's not about you or her being 'right'. It's about you being the hero and talking about each situation and what you can do to fix it. With respect to the attic, develop a plan with her and have help to the extent she can ... and maybe break it down into stages.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

FWIW, I've only ever heard that I'm being controlling when I'm the one that's not submitting to someone else's control.

Controlling people also don't tend to sit back and ask themselves if they're being controlling.

Might want to either share a whole lot more detail or ask a trusted (and neutral) third party that knows you both well first hand.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Beware the slippery slope of having to frequently manage another adult's _feelings_ that aren't based in reality.

At a certain (early) point you are enabling them and not letting them be responsible for how they react to the world and treat you.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Blondilocks said:


> To show her that you're not being controlling, you can tell her that she is welcome to find someone to carry that stuff to the attic and tidy it up and you'll split the cost with her.


 ha ha not a bad idea


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Livvie said:


> Beware the slippery slope of having to frequently manage another adult's _feelings_ that aren't based in reality.
> 
> At a certain (early) point you are enabling them and not letting them be responsible for how they react to the world and treat you.


Yeh know what you mean.
Some of the stuff she comes up with I think "are you insane?" I honestly cannot fathom how someone can think like that.

At the moment, with the depression thing, shes having a bad time. I've personal experience of how this massively warps you're way of thinking so I think I've got to give her "some" slack.
Not saying shes totally different when shes not ill - she has her moments - but not like this.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Marduk said:


> FWIW, I've only ever heard that I'm being controlling when I'm the one that's not submitting to someone else's control.
> 
> Controlling people also don't tend to sit back and ask themselves if they're being controlling.
> 
> Might want to either share a whole lot more detail or ask a trusted (and neutral) third party that knows you both well first hand.


Yeh thanks. Nah Im not controlling. PITA sometimes then yes. Opinionated yes maybe.
Agree with you - she seems to have difficulty seeing the difference between me not agreeing with something and control. She ofter says "its always you're way so you want to be in control".
Hang on - isnt this just normal? Its called having a different opinion?

But you're right I do find her a little controlling too.

Trying to think of more detail. The thing about the card was crazy. Yeh I made an [email protected] comment but to accuse me of saying it so I can control her to get the right card next year is a bit weird.
Only example she could come up with was the attic thing. Again, so I dont do exactly what you want and OK I'm lazy but I'm using it to get my way and control you? Its well weird.

She never ever gets involved in finances. All done by me. Shes never interested much to my dismay. So basically I decide if we can afford something. I've asked her 1000 times over the years look take an interest and we'll decide together. No thanks. She generally gets what she wants. Annoys me because I think hang on why am I bad one when I say no I cant afford it. I mentioned money yesterday - No its not that. I'm not interested and happy for you to do.

Shes OK today. I am wondering if she had a bit of a brain fog yesterday about the card. It was a little stupid of me. Shes not slow coming forward - I get the feeling that me putting her on the spot and the ONLY controlling behaviour she can come up with is the attic seems to have made her think a little.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Robert22205 said:


> Be wary of her explaining that she 'feels' a certain way even though the facts don't support her view.
> 
> My wife used to say that on a variety of issues (in therapy). In her case, she was looking through a biased lenses (or filter) and there was nothing I could have done to avoid triggering her 'feeling'.
> 
> ...


Robert - that makes a LOT of sense. At the moment I get angry because I think "what the hell?" because some of the stuff is just insane.

Very good of you to be like that. Me - not sure how good I would be. Talking down or changing something when you're accused of something that you haven't done. Maybe thats a big fault of mine - I know shes talking crazy so why fight back? Yeh I know. Be the bigger person. BUT I do see the red mist I'm afraid and regret it later. Its so hard when you're treated like this. I find it so frustrating when shes banging on about something and I think eh? what are you talking about?

Yeh its my bad with the attic. Too lazy lol. But then I think, hang on, give me grief about that. Fair cop. Call me "controlling" because of it. No way. Can I go through life treading on eggshells like this just in case she goes all crazy on me.

Don't get me wrong - its an admirable stance Robert and excellent idea. Maybe I need to get my head around. 20+ year marriage, 2 young kids, got a lot to lose if it all goes pearshaped.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> To show her that you're not being controlling, you can tell her that she is welcome to find someone to carry that stuff to the attic and tidy it up and you'll split the cost with her.


Or you can just drag your lazy ass UP there and clean it.

Just the fact that this has become a sticking point proves this IS all about control.

I'm sick and tired of thinking of different lunches to make for my husband 7 days a week - but I do it. I'm sick of cleaning the same rooms over and over and over every week, but I do it. I'm sick of doing the same laundry and folding it over and over and over every week, but I DO it. And I'm wiling to bet your wife likely feels the same way every time she cleans up after YOU.

So get your ass up in the attic and clean it and stop acting like a petulant little 12 year old who refuses to clean his room.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Marduk said:


> Might want to either share a whole lot more detail or ask a trusted (and neutral) third party that knows you both well first hand.


Great suggestion!

There's a bit of a balanced response coming from the TAM folks.

And then, all I have are a couple of questions for ya!... What kinds of things to you get 'funny' about and how do you react? How did your previous jealousy play out? When you see the red mist then regret it later, what does that look like? And are you inclined to shut-down?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I like the username... has me mentally singing 'Psycho _candy_... Qu'est-ce que c'est...'


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

psychocandy said:


> One thing she said was my refusal to put stuff in the attic. This one always runs. I say we can't fit any more in there. She says I need to tidy it. I never get around to it.


So if this is a known problem then why aren't you doing anything about it? If there is no space in the attic then take everything out and have her sort through it. Chances are there is stuff to get rid of, which would clear up space. 

You might not be controlling, if you are you'd probably hide it and use a story here to validate yourself, but you DO have stuff to work on. Both within yourself and things to literally work on (...the attic).


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think people are harsh about the attic. ****, my basement needs cleaning out. It's just not something I can face doing alone. 

If OP says the attic is packed and no more should go up there, his wife needs to trust him on that and TOGETHER think about what they are gonna do about the attic.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Or you can just drag your lazy ass UP there and clean it.
> 
> Just the fact that this has become a sticking point proves this IS all about control.
> 
> ...


Well at least we have got some balance of opinions here lol. In a way, I'm glad of your response because I think this is how my wife thinks.

Now from a mans point of view and I hope I'm not alone here - I didnt know it was such a massive issue to be honest. I haven't "refused" to do it at all though. We have a difference of opinion about priorities is all. 

Its a tough time for all at the moment, employment wise, I'm lucky as an independent consultant to be working from home and getting paid. My daytime is not for use as chores time as my wife would like - I have to work to keep the money coming in. I've also got back issues - not such an issue when I'm working from home but, in the past, I've struggled to drive to my clients and we've disagreed about me not doing the attic that same weekend. I'm thinking no work no pay and shes thinking attic. (BTW in case you're wondering we have one bank account it all goes in - its not "my" money).

With respect though, how on earth is this control? I don't get. I have a different opinion and I dont do what she wants and its CONTROL????

And the comment about being a 12 year old. Wow. I'm sorry but thats just not right....

Again, no offence, but, you can't justify that behaviour because your partner does something you don't like?
If I said my wife was lazy, never cooked me dinner, sat around all day, made a mess, would I be justified to call her name or even worse?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

heartsbeating said:


> I like the username... has me mentally singing 'Psycho _candy_... Qu'est-ce que c'est...'


 jesus and mary chain is the band ;-)


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

bobert said:


> So if this is a known problem then why aren't you doing anything about it? If there is no space in the attic then take everything out and have her sort through it. Chances are there is stuff to get rid of, which would clear up space.
> 
> You might not be controlling, if you are you'd probably hide it and use a story here to validate yourself, but you DO have stuff to work on. Both within yourself and things to literally work on (...the attic).


OK maybe I'm wrong here. Wife comes to you one day....

"Either you clean the attic this weekend you are controlling me by not doing it" - How does that look?

I clean the attic, next weekend
"Either you clean the garage or you are controlling me" - See how it goes?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

psychocandy said:


> jesus and mary chain is the band ;-)


I skipped a beat with that one!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

psychocandy said:


> OK maybe I'm wrong here. Wife comes to you one day....
> 
> "Either you clean the attic this weekend you are controlling me by not doing it" - How does that look?
> 
> ...


Sure, but your wife didn't come to you once and say this, right? It's been an issue for quite a while that keeps going round and round without being resolved.

It's one thing for your wife to want things done but not say anything about it, and another for her to frequently ask and you refuse to do it over and over again.

I understand that there is no room in the attic. I hear you, but something has to give. It's a dumb argument and something solvable. She either finds a new place to put stuff or she gets rid of stuff that's already in the attic. If you can't get the stuff out of the attic, then do you have a child or teenage neighbor who can earn some cash?

I'm a controlling guy and my wife says that everything is always on my terms, has to go my way, etc. Maybe your wife had a point, or maybe she doesn't and she's actually the controlling one who can't stand you not being her puppet. Who knows, but there shouldn't be this power struggle going on.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

bobert - I'll admit we do sound similar to be honest.... As does my wife and yours...


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

The fact that you two don’t agree on something or you refuse to do something, doesn’t make you controlling. My hubby is controlling and I can make a very long list about it. You wife gave you only one reason and that’s has nothing to do with controlling.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

psychocandy said:


> Yeh thanks. Nah Im not controlling. PITA sometimes then yes. Opinionated yes maybe.
> Agree with you - she seems to have difficulty seeing the difference between me not agreeing with something and control. She ofter says "its always you're way so you want to be in control".
> Hang on - isnt this just normal? Its called having a different opinion?
> 
> ...


Hmm. I've encountered similar things.

One thing I did was to say to my wife "OK, I'm not doing our finances anymore. You're going to do them, and then maybe you'll stop complaining about why I don't think we can afford things. Instead, you can sort it out, and I can spend my free time thinking up new things I'd like to buy."

I just totally abdicated responsibility for it. It lasted a month or two. She asked me to take it on again, and was more active in it. And the complaining about endless things she wanted to buy that she insisted we could afford just stopped.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> I like the username... has me mentally singing 'Psycho _candy_... Qu'est-ce que c'est...'


On of Jesus and Mary Chain's classic albums, and their first.
Here's the breakout track from the album:


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

> I'm lucky as an independent consultant to be working from home and getting paid. My daytime is not for use as chores time as my wife would like


I DO feel this. I'm working from home too, and I'm still expected to maintain my regular work hours. Working from home DOESN'T mean "free to do X, y, z and run errands."


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Marduk said:


> Hmm. I've encountered similar things.
> 
> One thing I did was to say to my wife "OK, I'm not doing our finances anymore. You're going to do them, and then maybe you'll stop complaining about why I don't think we can afford things. Instead, you can sort it out, and I can spend my free time thinking up new things I'd like to buy."
> 
> I just totally abdicated responsibility for it. It lasted a month or two. She asked me to take it on again, and was more active in it. And the complaining about endless things she wanted to buy that she insisted we could afford just stopped.


Ha ha yes theres an idea. Cant leave it too long though we'd have the house repossessed!


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

secretsheriff said:


> I DO feel this. I'm working from home too, and I'm still expected to maintain my regular work hours. Working from home DOESN'T mean "free to do X, y, z and run errands."


yeh we had arguments like this a lot a few weeks ago. I get paid a very decent sum for what I do. I've been doing it 30 years to get where I am so the way I do it must be right somewhere.
I did take offense a bit when wife kept on that I should "just logon then does this" and "they won't even notice". Hang on I'll decide that.

Many in my position have been laid off due to covid. I'm lucky to be wfh. I've already said my client is hard work and demanding. I've explained that if they even got a sniff that I wasnt working then that would be the end of the contract.

Still met with "oh well I'd do it - it'll be ok", "I woudlnt do that" and "I wouldnt sit there all day in front of the PC". We did have an argument where I said "look you're making it really hard for me".

(Before you say yes I am sort of skiving on this forum but I'm still contactable which is the golden rule for my clients)


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

The entitlement of some non working spouses, and the nasty comments they make about the primary earner ( who is funding their life) and the need to get work done never ceases to amaze me.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Don't know if your controlling, but you might be passive-aggressive and insensitive. And if you view yourself as being lazy, then there is definitely a problem. Here are questions to ask your self: Has your wife asked you to clean the attic more than once, and you have somehow intimated that you would do it? Because if so, you need to clean out the attic today. If not, then ask yourself will cleaning out the attic help my wife fix the problem she is trying to solve? If yes, then clean out the attic. What's the deal? If not, have you worked with your wife to solve the problem? It sounds like she feels like there is too much stuff around. Put some physical effort into actually improving the situation. 

Do not discount the damage that laziness can do to a marriage. It is emotionally exhausting to constantly have to remind someone to carry their weight. And it's even more exhausting when your feelings are dismissed. If that's what is going on then she's likely to get more resentful, and it's going to come out in unpleasant ways. 

It might be that she's truly being unreasonable. But I think you are missing the point. It doesn't matter if "controlling" is the right or wrong word to use. She's telling you that there are bigger issues at play.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

And in the future, my advice to you is the next time your wife asks you to do something, either tell her you won't (and why). Or tell her you will and when you will do it. And then do it when you said you would do it. And if priorities need to change talk to your wife about that. But just not doing it sucks and it means you aren't dependable and she can't count on you.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

BlueWoman said:


> Don't know if your controlling, but you might be passive-aggressive and insensitive. And if you view yourself as being lazy, then there is definitely a problem. Here are questions to ask your self: Has your wife asked you to clean the attic more than once, and you have somehow intimated that you would do it? Because if so, you need to clean out the attic today. If not, then ask yourself will cleaning out the attic help my wife fix the problem she is trying to solve? If yes, then clean out the attic. What's the deal? If not, have you worked with your wife to solve the problem? It sounds like she feels like there is too much stuff around. Put some physical effort into actually improving the situation.
> 
> Do not discount the damage that laziness can do to a marriage. It is emotionally exhausting to constantly have to remind someone to carry their weight. And it's even more exhausting when your feelings are dismissed. If that's what is going on then she's likely to get more resentful, and it's going to come out in unpleasant ways.
> 
> It might be that she's truly being unreasonable. But I think you are missing the point. It doesn't matter if "controlling" is the right or wrong word to use. She's telling you that there are bigger issues at play.


Yeh I hear you and maybe I do just need to do it.
But do you know what? Maybe I should let it slide and I shouldnt think like it but I often think "so I've got to these things just so she doesnt wrongly think I;m controlling". Where does that one end?

Not in any way suggesting its even close to this and of course you're not suggesting this, but would you tell someone who has an abusive spouse to "just do what they want and there'll be no arguments" You know what I mean?

Again, not as bad but I don't agree with it. But we had a lady earlier in the post saying I WAS controlling and calling me names. I dunno, I just think that sometimes people (like my wife) justify thats its ok to take this extra step (i.e. call it controlling) because they are so annoyed with what was or wasnt done (i.e. the attic) in the first place. In my book, its never acceptable to do this.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

BlueWoman said:


> Don't know if your controlling, but you might be passive-aggressive and insensitive. And if you view yourself as being lazy, then there is definitely a problem. Here are questions to ask your self: Has your wife asked you to clean the attic more than once, and you have somehow intimated that you would do it? Because if so, you need to clean out the attic today. If not, then ask yourself will cleaning out the attic help my wife fix the problem she is trying to solve? If yes, then clean out the attic. What's the deal? If not, have you worked with your wife to solve the problem? It sounds like she feels like there is too much stuff around. Put some physical effort into actually improving the situation.
> 
> Do not discount the damage that laziness can do to a marriage. It is emotionally exhausting to constantly have to remind someone to carry their weight. And it's even more exhausting when your feelings are dismissed. If that's what is going on then she's likely to get more resentful, and it's going to come out in unpleasant ways.
> 
> It might be that she's truly being unreasonable. But I think you are missing the point. It doesn't matter if "controlling" is the right or wrong word to use. She's telling you that there are bigger issues at play.


Insensitive and lazy [email protected] maybe..... And I get you here.

To be honest, the previous poster who called me names did help a lot. I can see how others see it. I just don't get how in my head its so bad that I need to be called controlling.....


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Livvie said:


> The entitlement of some non working spouses, and the nasty comments they make about the primary earner ( who is funding their life) and the need to get work done never ceases to amaze me.


My wife works part time. We have two kids. She does most of the childcare. Her income is probably 1/10th of mine.
Fortunately, we rarely argue about money just how I do the work. I never see it as "my money" but I do need her to let me get on with it how I need to get on with it so that I can earn money for ALL of us.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Why didn't you respond to my questions?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

psychocandy said:


> Any comments? Obviously, I'd like to ensure I'm NOT controlling and whether I need to work on things....


My wife has accused me of being the same way. She needs something done around the house and I tell her that there are limitations to what can be done and that I will try to help when I have time. Then I never get around to it. 

As this argument has played out over the years, it is not about who does what or how it gets done (my way versus her way). It is that she does not want me putting up roadblocks over how things in the house get fixed and maintained. The solution has been to just hire help if I don't have time. She needs me to say honestly if I can not help so that she can hire someone. This solution tends to work out and things around the house have improved. 

For example, I am not good at fixing a garage door. So I would have a tendency to just leave it broken until I can get someone to help me fix it. Then no one will help me and it stays broken. Or my wife makes a phone call and it is repaired that afternoon. The end result is honestly we are both happier.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’ve never figured why some women expect men to automatically be able to repair things — or do whatever around the house.

My husband was a brilliant man but he had zero interest or ability when it came to doing stuff of any sort— big or small. Some of it I did myself but generally I would just hire someone. I probably kept our local guy in business but it was worth it because things got done when I wanted them done.

If neither of you can or will deal with the attic then hire a teenager or your local handy man to do it for you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If it isn't heirloom quality, donate it or toss it in the bin. Or, put it on the curb with a 'for free' sign on it. Problem solved. You wouldn't be using it in the next year or two, anyway.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> If it isn't heirloom quality, donate it or toss it in the bin. Or, put it on the curb with a 'for free' sign on it. Problem solved. You wouldn't be using it in the next year or two, anyway.


I agree. Stuff goes into attics and usually never sees the light of day again.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@psychocandy you know very well that you are controlling.

How do you know this? Because your wife told you so.

And I know that I am controlling because my wife told me this, too.

Let's get into typical British husband "Yes, dear' mode, shall we?


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

psychocandy said:


> Insensitive and lazy [email protected] maybe..... And I get you here.
> 
> To be honest, the previous poster who called me names did help a lot. I can see how others see it. I just don't get how in my head its so bad that I need to be called controlling.....


I think you need to let that go. She used the wrong word. You know something is wrong. You are going to not fix it because she used the wrong word?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

heartsbeating said:


> Great suggestion!
> 
> There's a bit of a balanced response coming from the TAM folks.
> 
> And then, all I have are a couple of questions for ya!... What kinds of things to you get 'funny' about and how do you react? How did your previous jealousy play out? When you see the red mist then regret it later, what does that look like? And are you inclined to shut-down?


sorry I missed this first time....

1. My wife tends to mess around a lot never take anything seriously. I do get a bit annoyed at times when she overdoes it with the pee taking.
2. Yeh had problems before. I guess that sorted itself out in the end.... Sort of faded away.
3. Well, I tend to say stupid and hurtful things maybe.
4. Shutdown? Nah.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

heartsbeating said:


> Why didn't you respond to my questions?


sorry missed it - done now.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

MattMatt said:


> @psychocandy you know very well that you are controlling.
> 
> How do you know this? Because your wife told you so.
> 
> ...


Basil Fawlty? ;-)


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

BlueWoman said:


> I think you need to let that go. She used the wrong word. You know something is wrong. You are going to not fix it because she used the wrong word?


Oh I have no plans not to let it go..... Up the attic this weekend is planned.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

How's the attic looking?


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