# Is it even possible to still be IN love after so long? Does it exist??



## DepressedAndLonely (Nov 14, 2014)

In the beginning my husband and I were head over heals CRAZY in love. Til he cheated on me only 6 mths in...but he cried and begged for me to come back...stupidly I did. 10 years on he has cheated numerous times and emotionally and mentally abused me. We have 2 children. We go through patches where we get along fine as friends but for 6 years I have been out of love. I cant stand the thought of him touching me. It makes me angry. I go through patches of hating him so much. He says its normal for people to cheat and that everyone does it yet he is very controlling of me and who I talk to...checking my ph and using 'find my iPhone' app to check I am where I say I am. I stay because my kids need us both and our situation/his job is such that if we split...we would have to live in separate countries so the children would be without...him I would hope although he threatens to try and take them 50% of the time?! :/ Feel trapped and miserable. More and more I find out about others cheating on their spouses...and people I never would have thought would do it. Is there such a thing as a long happy marriage?!!??? REALLY? Does anyone still WANT and DESIRE their spouse after 5 or 10 years?  I have dreams of leaving him and finding a good man who will treat me like I treat him....like gold. But I just don't see the point putting my kids through all that only to end up in the same boat....I don't want to hurt them just so I can have a shot at being happy...? It seems so selfish. So I guess my main question is....does true love, long lasting love, respectful loving relationships etc....actually exist? I get that nobody has that exciting new feeling 10 years later....but do you actually get excited to see him/her and get excited to make love to them?????  So depressed.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

True Love can actually exist for many, many years.

You however, have a cheating louse on your hands. 

BIG difference.

Kick him to the curb.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Revamped said:


> True Love can actually exist for many, many years.
> 
> You however, have a cheating louse on your hands.
> 
> ...


Ditto!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

He sounds narcissistic. 

On a scale of how much, dk. 

Sounds like it has been over for awhile.

I would detach,a and create an exit strategy.

I would record his abuse secretly. I would keep them in safe places, and hand copies to trusted family members. I would gain financial independence.

Talk to a lawyer and find a good one. 

Play smart, and create contingency plans.

Never show your hand to your opponent, and hit them by surprise.

Like send the divorce papers to his work, and get a court order of restraint, and move out the day he is served. 

When playing high stakes, make sure the game is rigged in your favor.

Be cold and calculating.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it absolutely exists. No, not everyone cheats. 

You married a cheater and he's not going to stop. So you have a choice to make.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Yes, there are men who do not cheat and couples who are as excited to be with each other as when they first met.

I have known the cheating type (first husband didn't even make it past the first 6 months of marriage before getting a BJ from an girl in his office). No 2nd chances there! NEXT! Thankfully, I had some self esteem left and learned to recognize the faithful type who would value his wife (me!) for the long haul. And absolutely, there are couples who WANT and DESIRE their spouse after many years of marriage (24 in our case). I think it has only gotten better and better with time.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

More than 40 years together here, and yes you deserve better. Everyone deserves better. So what are you willing to do to get what you deserve?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Agree with the others. 23 years here and very in love. No cheating thank God.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Justus3 (Oct 18, 2014)

We have been married 17yrs together almost 25 yrs. and we are still head over heels in love! We are best friends who still want and desire each other very much. But the key is that we respect one another. Unfortunately your spouse doesn't respect you  sorry


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## Coco2014 (May 8, 2014)

I believe there are couples still in love of each other after being married for many years. Most likely, during the long-term marriage, they will fall in and out , in and out of love. But overall, as long as they are both marriage materials and they both want to make it work, they will learn in marriage and build a long lasting loving relationship. 

I don't believe people claim they have a "perfect and effortless" marriage, because they have " true love". 

Unfortunately, I don't think your husband is a marriage material.


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## droll (Nov 11, 2014)

True love exists if you both believe in that. But sometimes loving a person too much is not good for relationship like yours he cheated on you several times, but you still stay with him and you are doing that for your kids, but do you think he loves you like you love him? Sometimes you have to love yourself first before you love another person


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

I love my spouse very much after 15 years. Romantically and everything. Still think she is hot, Unfortunately she does not feel the same way about me...


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

DepressedAndLonely said:


> In the beginning my husband and I were head over heals CRAZY in love. Til he cheated on me only 6 mths in...but he cried and begged for me to come back...stupidly I did. 10 years on he has cheated numerous times and emotionally and mentally abused me. We have 2 children. We go through patches where we get along fine as friends but for 6 years I have been out of love. I cant stand the thought of him touching me. It makes me angry. I go through patches of hating him so much. He says its normal for people to cheat and that everyone does it yet he is very controlling of me and who I talk to...checking my ph and using 'find my iPhone' app to check I am where I say I am. I stay because my kids need us both and our situation/his job is such that if we split...we would have to live in separate countries so the children would be without...him I would hope although he threatens to try and take them 50% of the time?! :/ Feel trapped and miserable. More and more I find out about others cheating on their spouses...and people I never would have thought would do it. Is there such a thing as a long happy marriage?!!??? REALLY? Does anyone still WANT and DESIRE their spouse after 5 or 10 years?  I have dreams of leaving him and finding a good man who will treat me like I treat him....like gold. But I just don't see the point putting my kids through all that only to end up in the same boat....I don't want to hurt them just so I can have a shot at being happy...? It seems so selfish. So I guess my main question is....does true love, long lasting love, respectful loving relationships etc....actually exist? I get that nobody has that exciting new feeling 10 years later....but do you actually get excited to see him/her and get excited to make love to them?????  So depressed.


I learned with one of my women that I was into and focused on that the sex could get better year after year. That went on for 7 years until I got cheated on , and I swear the sex was better and sweeter after all the work we put into it.


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## lifelesson01 (Nov 3, 2014)

True love is absolutely possible...my parents are a great example they are in their 70s and very much in love with each other


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Coco2014 said:


> I believe there are couples still in love of each other after being married for many years. Most likely, during the long-term marriage, they will fall in and out , in and out of love. But overall, as long as they are both marriage materials and they both want to make it work, they will learn in marriage and build a long lasting loving relationship.
> 
> I don't believe people claim they have a "perfect and effortless" marriage, because they have " true love".
> 
> Unfortunately, I don't think your husband is a marriage material.


I agree. Absolutely, no marriage is effortless. But if you are married to a cheater, I can't imagine the amount of effort it takes to constantly have to keep track of their every move, their every text, their every delay from work. No amount of love of someone would be worth that effort and constant anxiety.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Yes, you can be in love with your spouse for a lifetime. My parents were in love and married for 63 years. They passed away three weeks apart. No one cheated, both worked full time, and had four children. First marriage for both of them.

I'm married and still very much in love for ongoing 35 years. No one cheated. We hope that we will grow very old together, just like my folks.

Your husband is a cheater and gives you pain. I don't think that he is a keeper. I don't believe that one should remain in a painful marriage. However, if you leave you must leave without cheating and heal individually so that you can love again; loving without deception and have a good foundation. You deserve happiness in your life.


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## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

Yes, sweety. Yes it is.

15 years in and we are strong and passionate and in love.

That is love. Real love. When getting to know someone better makes you love them more. That initial part of the relationship isn't love, it is obsession. A perfectly normal part of dating, trust me. But when that initial rush fades, and love becomes mundane, you may have built love.

You didn't. This guy is abussive. He doesn't love you, he just thinks he owns you. You deserve better. Move as far across the state as you can and file for divorce and full custody. Start talking to you children about the things that he did. Make sure they understand that this is not how their marriage should be.

The cycle ends with you. Say it to yourself over and over, take it as your life mission. And then do everything in your power to achieve it, despite what you think you want.


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## DepressedAndLonely (Nov 14, 2014)

Thank you ro everyone who has responded. It gives me hope to hear from people who actually still feel very much in love and happy after many years. I WILL leave him....I just need to get my ducks in a row....it will take a year or two as need to study so I have something to support myself and will need to figure out the legal side of things and my rights etc. Going to be tough. But I deserve better...I know that. So do my kids. They're both boys and I do NOT want them learning from their father about relationships and how to treat a woman.  They're only 1 and 4 at the moment. Thanks guys. xxxx


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Good luck to you. 

Never reveal to him what you are doing, and always be calm, cool, and collective.

Play to win and once your on your feet, do everything to protect yourself.

Record him as much as possible.

If he can't get a response from you, he may get verbally abusive.

People like him are vain, and if he doesn't get a response, he will get angry.

Make multiple copies, and hand them to people you trust.

Keep doing this until you are ready to leave.

You will get full custody, show he is abusive, and he will have to pay child support.

Show the police the abuse, and get a restraining order, that will help you in court.


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## DepressedAndLonely (Nov 14, 2014)

OMG! I have just read about Narcissistic symptoms etc on WebMD and I think you're completely spot on! THANK YOU! I had no idea what it even meant til now but Im pretty sure this is half his issue....that and he's just plain mean. Thanks for the insight.  x


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## SevenYears (Jun 23, 2014)

Yes people can be in love for many years. I saw one story where a couple had been married for over 50 years and he would buy her flowers every valentines day. After he died she received flowers again on valentines day and called the shop in an angry mood thinking it was some kind of joke. She found out that, knowing he was dying, he had paid to make sure she would continue to get flowers after his death every year to show that he will always love her.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Is it possible to have those feelings stay forever?!?

YES... if no one in the relationship is a CHEATER...

6 months in and he CHEATED on you? He destroyed your trust, and from that point you're just cobbling your way through a false-relationship.

People who REALLY feel that way (cRaZy in love, head over heels, lust-filled for YOU, only-have-eyes for each other) don't CHEAT.

You're rewriting history. He either never felt that way (sad, but true) or he is a narcissistic a$$hole who doesn't deserve your love.

Sorry for the harsh truth...


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## leetjay (Nov 14, 2014)

DepressedAndLonely said:


> In the beginning my husband and I were head over heals CRAZY in love. Til he cheated on me only 6 mths in...but he cried and begged for me to come back...stupidly I did. 10 years on he has cheated numerous times and emotionally and mentally abused me. We have 2 children. We go through patches where we get along fine as friends but for 6 years I have been out of love. I cant stand the thought of him touching me. It makes me angry. I go through patches of hating him so much. He says its normal for people to cheat and that everyone does it yet he is very controlling of me and who I talk to...checking my ph and using 'find my iPhone' app to check I am where I say I am. I stay because my kids need us both and our situation/his job is such that if we split...we would have to live in separate countries so the children would be without...him I would hope although he threatens to try and take them 50% of the time?! :/ Feel trapped and miserable. More and more I find out about others cheating on their spouses...and people I never would have thought would do it. Is there such a thing as a long happy marriage?!!??? REALLY? Does anyone still WANT and DESIRE their spouse after 5 or 10 years?  I have dreams of leaving him and finding a good man who will treat me like I treat him....like gold. But I just don't see the point putting my kids through all that only to end up in the same boat....I don't want to hurt them just so I can have a shot at being happy...? It seems so selfish. So I guess my main question is....does true love, long lasting love, respectful loving relationships etc....actually exist? I get that nobody has that exciting new feeling 10 years later....but do you actually get excited to see him/her and get excited to make love to them?????  So depressed.


I have been married 22 years. I think my wife has a cheating heart. She has not yet cheated but came really close a few years back. Mostly they are emotional affairs. It is still hurtful. We have had many good years and have been happy. But things always circle back and I am flat out amazed that she still wonders about us and has questioned "us" for so long. 

It finally caught up to me. I feel like I am out of love and it's hard to get back into it. I don't really know the answer...but I get it.


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## leetjay (Nov 14, 2014)

DepressedAndLonely said:


> OMG! I have just read about Narcissistic symptoms etc on WebMD and I think you're completely spot on! THANK YOU! I had no idea what it even meant til now but Im pretty sure this is half his issue....that and he's just plain mean. Thanks for the insight.  x


While my wife doesn't have all these symptoms, she definitely thinks she needs to change the world and think that she can do good in all these other guys' lives who she comes in contact with. It's like a sick need.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SevenYears said:


> Yes people can be in love for many years. I saw one story where a couple had been married for over 50 years and he would buy her flowers every valentines day. After he died she received flowers again on valentines day and called the shop in an angry mood thinking it was some kind of joke. She found out that, knowing he was dying, he had paid to make sure she would continue to get flowers after his death every year to show that he will always love her.


Oh my ~ that's so touching [email protected]#$% ....... 

I was never one who cared much for flowers, H never got me any that I can even remember..but truth was... I told him early on...don't waste your $$ ... I'd be just as happy if he picked some in the back yard & brought them to me ...(yeah I am a little cheap) but I love the togetherness...he's very affectionate & with his words, he can put me on the mountain top...so that's His way..we've been together since I was 15 & he 18 ~ 33 yrs ago .... We've never had any 7 yr itches or 15 or 20 ... 

I guess everyone is different, but I think it's important to marry your BEST FRIEND.. someone you crave being with , they uplift your spirits, you want to run & share everything, you laugh at each others jokes, their quirks you find endearing ... you pick each other up when you're feeling down... and you want the same things in life (Compatibility / Chemistry, not to be underestimated in seeking a life partner)... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ility-b4-vows-beyond-marital-harmony-joy.html

A couple articles touching on this....

Lasting Love: The Secret To Long-Term Relationships

This article puts a plug in for the NICE people.. 

The science of happily ever after


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

DepressedAndLonely said:


> So I guess my main question is....does true love, long lasting love, respectful loving relationships etc....actually exist? .


To answer your question, yes it does exist, but not when one of the spouses cheats like yours.

My paternal grandparents enjoyed 71 years of happy marriage till death interrupted it. It's no coincidence that infidelity did not enter their marriage. 

Sorry to say, but your marriage sounds like a nightmare that does not stand even a remote chance of happiness. 

In fact, as I read your account I had to marvel that you are still with him. 

Now, I have a question for you: why are you asking irrelevant questions when you should be asking other questions that truly address the real issue? 

Hint: When am I going to leave this jerk?


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