# Considering it....



## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

To cut to the chase, my wife and I have been together roughly 12 years now. Married only 1. Please don’t judge on why it took so long to marry. Some couples are different and do things for their own reasons. We have some of a "up and down marriage". Meaning when things are up....they are up and when there down, well trust me you rather have your testicles pulled by a tractor trailer. We argue so much, I mean like nothing you could imagine. She's always mad. And she expects me to be a mind reader. And guess why she’s mad or always know why she is. I work her opposite hours. So when she’s home I'm at work. And when I'm home I try my best to help around the house, whether it’s cleaning helping with the kids (we have 2). I try to give her a peace of mind. I offer for her to go to a spa day or go for a drive and some shopping. But she never does. Just sits and complains about how she does so much and is overwhelmed. Because I'm not home to help, because I am at work. Every weekend this occurs. I offer help, sometimes I don't even offer it I just try and take control of things. To give her a peace of mind. Her mother stays with our youngest to help out with the cost of daycare. And her mother has no respect for us our rules or our household. Since she’s been staying with our child, she has broken to windows. Stained our couches. Taken our supplies. Cooks our food and eats it. Then complains about our household. That it’s not good, she would never "live in this dump" But she lives in the worse part of town. To me its envy, her mother has fallen our hard times, because lack of motivation and being a recipient of handouts from the government because that’s all she knows how to do. Every time I come home something is broken, not working, or needs repair. I believe her mother does this on purpose. I have a feeling her mother is trying to get me out. So she can stay in our house and run things her way. I have approached my wife and have spoken to her about this. The woman is terrified. According to her I'm putting her in between us. She is aware of her mother’s wrong doings. But does nothing to help it. She tells me to speak to her own mother. Doesn't make sense to me. That's her mother should she not be the one? She's the one who asked her mother to help us. I was not on plan to do so. I would have rather paid a neutral sitter just to avoid her mother doing it for us. Her mother tries to raise my kids like it hers. And tells me what I should be doing with my own kids. While my wife sits back and does nothing. I'm tired of this. I really am. There’s so much more to write down. But I can't at the moment


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why, after 11 years of living with this relationship dynamic, did you formalize the union by getting married?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

PBear said:


> So why, after 11 years of living with this relationship dynamic, did you formalize the union by getting married?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At a particular moment it was what we both wanted to do.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> At a particular moment it was what we both wanted to do.


So has the situation changed since then?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

First thing I would do is find daycare and get your mother-in-law out of the picture as much as possible. Saving money isn't worth having a toxic person around. If your wife won't do it, then by all means you be the one to take care of it. 

Second thing, see if antidepressants help out your wife. She may be depressed. My wife was was always pissed off and complaining about everything up until two moths ago. Her doc put her on Wellbutrin and she is has reverted to being the happy, easy going girl I married twelve years ago.


----------



## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

Omar174 said:


> First thing I would do is find daycare and get your mother-in-law out of the picture as much as possible. Saving money isn't worth having a toxic person around. If your wife won't do it, then by all means you be the one to take care of it.
> 
> Second thing, see if antidepressants help out your wife. She may be depressed. My wife was was always pissed off and complaining about everything up until two moths ago. Her doc put her on Wellbutrin and she is has reverted to being the happy, easy going girl I married twelve years ago.


Her mom is pretty toxic. It's like she puts a damper on everything. Its our kids but she feels like she is the parent.
Our home but feels like shes in charge. It's just too make to take. And it upsets me more my wife won't do anything about it.
She knows her mother is wrong but won't pull the trigger on the necessary moves she needs to do. My wife could be depressed. I noticed she is very insecure about her body and looks. Always watching E! and reading blogs about all these celebrities. And after that gets upset and looks in the mirror calling herself fat and blah blah. I'm always there to reassure her shes beautiful. But it's never enough. If i disagree with her she gets mad. If I tell her she did something i did not like, she gets mad. And the cycle goes on and on. I walk on egg shells just to avoid it. And I feel she should be the one to get rid of her mom. Its her mom, not mines. And If I do that, then my wife will never ever learn to stand up to her mom. And it will just continue on and on.


----------



## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

PBear said:


> So has the situation changed since then?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some days are better than others. But all around no. She has become more easy to deal with. But that's about it. I'm stuck in the "she's always right, I'm always wrong" scenario. And if she is wrong which is a lot of the times. She has to justify it with something I did weeks months or even years back. It's a stupid cycle I'm ready to break away from forever.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Some days are better than others. But all around no. She has become more easy to deal with. But that's about it. I'm stuck in the "she's always right, I'm always wrong" scenario. And if she is wrong which is a lot of the times. She has to justify it with something I did weeks months or even years back. It's a stupid cycle I'm ready to break away from forever.


Given that it's coming down to this, what do you have to lose by being the leader in your family and setting a new course (i.e. Daycare instead of MIL)? I suspect your wife has never stood up to her mom, and if you're waiting for this to happen, you'll wait a long time. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

