# Abuse in relationship



## brokengirl (May 30, 2011)

Hi I wanted to share my story in the hope it would give me some insight and clarity into what is a very tough situation.
I’ve been with this man for 7 years. We got together through AA after my marriage had broken up.
He was so charming fun and kind I was drawn to him and he persued me for a relationship.
Things moved far too fast and we moved in together months after meeting with my then 11 year old daughter.
got pregnant very quickly looking back he put a lot of pressure on me for a baby.
Looking back I can’t believe I left myself so wide open and vulnerable.
My partner started to show his nasty side. Possessive, controlling, very abusive verbally and then physically. By then I was isolated from friends entirely. Between these periods he would be very loving leaving me totally confused.
In time I gave birth to my son and gave my partner an ultimatum. Get counselling to sort out anger issues or the relationship was over.
In the meantime my son wasn’t developing as he should and after a long period was diagnosed with severe autism. My world came crashing down. I had returned to work to try to regain my independence then had to give it up to care for my son. This made me more dependent than ever on my partner and the abuse started again.
Finally I took him to court for a protection order. If he’s violent or abusive again he will be removed from family home.
The abuse has stopped but now my partner resents me for taking him to court. I’m sick of it but can’t leave my home with nowhere to go. I am fearful of the future financially and personally with a severely autistic child.
I wouldn’t be able to pay for his therapies etc on my own.
I just feel I’m in a fog and in so much pain.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What you describe is a predictable pattern for an abusive man. They can be very charming at first and push to get you attached to them quickly. Then once they have you, they start showing who they really are. Here are two books that can help you.

*Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why*


*Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men*



brokengirl said:


> The abuse has stopped but now my partner resents me for taking him to court. I’m sick of it but can’t leave my home with nowhere to go.


While the physical abuse might have stopped, it sounds like the emotional abuse is still going on.
How much time and effort does he put into caring for son? It sounds like he’s not helping out much.


brokengirl said:


> I am fearful of the future financially and personally with a severely autistic child.
> I wouldn’t be able to pay for his therapies etc on my own.
> I just feel I’m in a fog and in so much pain.


Why would you have to pay for your son’s therapies on your own if you divorce? His father is as responsible for this as you are. He will need to pay for a percentage of the therapies and care. Generally you will each pay according to the percentage you earn of your joint income.

Do you have any family who can help you some?

Find an organization near you that helps victims of abuse. Get into counseling and get some help.

Do you have access to money? Or does he control all the money in your relationship?

You need to find a job. You cannot get away from a bad situation if you are dependent him financially.


----------



## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

*Re: What to do*

Hi brokengirl I'm sorry for ur situation but unless he has a reason it will never change and just get worse, just as it got to the point of it happening in front of ur son. No being reported to the police is not enough. If you cant get out now start making plans. What to do and how to get out asap. And protect urself


----------



## brokengirl (May 30, 2011)

Thanks for advice. Yes I’ve sought all the help I can do far from women’s advisory to the courts. I have also applied for housing assistance but this takes a long time where I live.
I have always been independent but my sons condition makes it impossible to work at the moment as he can’t attend general daycare and I cannot afford to pay for a home carer. Respite care is non existent here and I have no family support as my mum has dementia and my father is very ill.
I have some good friends who would help but only on occasion as they have their own children to look after.
Believe me I’m trying but to be honest I’m worn out. 
My partner is actually pretty good with our son and looks after him at weekends when he’s not working but I don’t trust him to be fair when we split as he has a spiteful nature.
I feel me and my son will be the losers here ultimately


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

brokengirl said:


> Thanks for advice. Yes I’ve sought all the help I can do far from women’s advisory to the courts. I have also applied for housing assistance but this takes a long time where I live.
> I have always been independent but my sons condition makes it impossible to work at the moment as he can’t attend general daycare and I cannot afford to pay for a home carer. Respite care is non existent here and I have no family support as my mum has dementia and my father is very ill.
> I have some good friends who would help but only on occasion as they have their own children to look after.
> Believe me I’m trying but to be honest I’m worn out.
> ...


*Please rest assured that you, your son and your daughter will all remain streadfast in my prayers!

Try to visit with a local churches Senior Pastor for both spiritual help and advise! May God bless you and keep His loving hand firmly upon you! *


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*Re: What to do*

You have another thread going on this subject. You might want to combine them to keep all the info available for the best advice.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: What to do*

* @EleGirl ~ would you be so kind as to combine this thread and @brokengirl other thread for maximum efficiency and less confusion? Thanks, arbitrator *


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: What to do*



arbitrator said:


> * @EleGirl ~ would you be so kind as to combine this thread and @brokengirl other thread for maximum efficiency and less confusion? Thanks, arbitrator *


Done


----------

