# over reacting wife or not?



## jakesm (Jun 25, 2014)

it was my wife’s birthday yesterday. in the morning I had already setup from the night before 2 separate flowers. 1 from me and one from the kids. then i got 2 birthday cards 1 from me and 1 from the kids. then i brought her a very nice laptop and had it setup to surprise her on the breakfast table.

then i told her lets go to a fancy restaurant when i come home from work and she said no because she wanted to go into the city to see a Play with the kids and we can grab something to eat quick across the street from my work but when we went to the diner everyone from work was here watching world cup and the soccer game was very exciting. So I was kind of going back and forward between the table and the game .

today she was upset because i didn’t have a cake and balloons at the diner....plus she says I didn’t plan anything. But in the meantime her mom and sister said let’s have a cake tomorrow when we are all together. But my aunt called her and wanted to come over the house to cut a cake but she told her no and invited her to get together with her mom

But today she was screaming and yelling and crying. saying I don’t love her and I did nothing to plan for her birthday. She told me that the morning surprise was nothing and the tickets for the play is nothing …Meanwhile I took her out last Saturday tot concern with friends and told her I was going to take her out next Saturday for a nice evening for her birthday and planned for a baby sitter.

She said I completed ruined her birthday and she will never forget this day…because she didn’t get blow out candles and have a cake….

She completed ruined my day….. ok yes it was of been nice to have a cake and yes it would have been thoughtful but I just thought the birthday cake and blowing out of the candles was schedule for tomorrow… she really treated me like garbage this morning and still is being rude all day to me… 

I don’t think I derive this….i think is so wrong for her to get so upset over this..

My question is she over reacting ? Does she have a point to be so mad and upset?

Ps she doesn’t work…. So all the bills are left up to me to pay….


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

She sounds like a spoiled princess. But you knew that already. Good luck raising children with her. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Holy crap, how old is she - three??


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## jakesm (Jun 25, 2014)

34


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

(that was rhetorical  ) She sure ACTS like she's about three.

And what do you do when she throws these tantrums?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. My husband actually did forget my birthday on the day.

Sounds like you did a good job at trying to please her. Maybe she just had expectations (which are always damaging).


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

It sounds to me like she would have been unhappy no matter what you did. Has she done this before? It sounds like a control tactic.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

She's :crazy:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

I think you gave your wife some lovely gifts for her birthday. If all she can focus on is no cake or balloons then she really needs to grow up.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You did a great job. The idea of someone in their 30's sulking and pouting about not having balloons and candles -- and their birthday is ruined -- is really silly.


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## JuliannaMills (Jun 11, 2014)

Women are very irrational at times and get caught up in their own irrational emotions. If I would have done that, I would apologize a day or two after, unfortunately it takes us sometime to realize we're being very unreasonable. Don't be a doormat though, don't be apologizing if you feel you did nothing wrong which sounds like. Once you sympathize, the more attention she will crave and feel sorry for herself. Don't let her do that to you. Some husbands don't even give flowers. Being together on a birthday with family should be enough at this point in marriage...


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

jakesm said:


> ... i told her lets go to a fancy restaurant when i come home from work and she said no because she wanted to go into the city to see a Play with the kids and we can grab something to eat quick across the street from my work ...
> 
> ... today she was upset because i didn’t have a cake and balloons at the diner....plus she says I didn’t plan anything.
> 
> ...


And you decided to become a doormat because ???? .....


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

So you made an effort but she's angry at you anyway for not making an effort. She's looking for reasons to be angry at you and it has nothing to do with her birthday. I wouldn't do a darn thing next year. If she's angry then it's on her to tell you what about. This passive aggressive crap is an ugly symptom of who knows what.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

So...you bought two bunches of flowers - one from you and one from the kids...two cards - one from you and one from the kids...set it all up for brekky surprise along with her new laptop that you bought...

Where's the lack of planning??? I can't see it???

Holy moly...she doesn't know how lucky she is!

She owes you an apology mate.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

She's a spoiled brat. I'd be very happy if I was your wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wow... I don't know about anyone else here but I've never had anyone make as much fuss over my birthday as you did your wife's.

She's a spoiled brat. It's time to get her to got to MC with you so that someone else, besides you can tell her that her behavior is way out of hand.

Unless she does this kind of hissy fit throwing often, my guess is that she's really upset with you about something else and this is her way of expressing it. Would be nice if she just told you what she's really upset about.


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## Stars54 (Jul 23, 2013)

To say she is "over-reacting" is putting it nicely...it sounds like you did an above-and-beyond amazing job of making her birthday special, from the flowers to the cards to the gift and then the play...that sounds like the best birthday ever to me, so the fact that she was upset about it is truly shocking. I'm so sorry to hear that your loving ways weren't appreciated. I hope you realize that it's not about you and that you did not do anything wrong...you don't deserve to be treated poorly. Whatever is upsetting her is her own issue within her. And I don't think a grown woman could possibly be that upset over balloons and cake? I mean, I can't even imagine a kid throwing a fit over balloons and cake if they got a cool gift and were taken out for a fun event. If you want to work on things, I would suggest asking her what this is REALLY about. And if it's truly about the balloons and the cake, then I'd say she has some issues with birthdays? I don't know, but it just sounds like it's something deeper. Does she get upset easily about other things? High maintenance? Well, I hope it helps to know that you did a great job, even if the outcome wasn't good


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## Stars54 (Jul 23, 2013)

Also, one more thing...what does she do for you when it's YOUR birthday?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jakesm said:


> then i told her lets go to a fancy restaurant when i come home from work and she said no because she wanted to go into the city to see a Play with the kids and we can grab something to eat quick across the street from my work *but when we went to the diner everyone from work was here watching world cup and the soccer game was very exciting. So I was kind of going back and forward between the table and the game .*


Could this be what was really bothering her?


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## Tabitha (Jun 17, 2014)

Wow, how old is your wife--10? 

Surely there's something else that is the real reason for her ungrateful behavior. The birthday is not it. IF it is, then just wow, what a spoiled brat! And the others are right--this isn't about YOU, it's about her. You did nothing wrong that I can see from your description of the day, and heck--I'd have liked it!

Women sometimes get things built up in their mind of how an event should play out, and when our husband's don't read our minds, we are disappointed that it didn't play out the way we wanted. DISAPPOINTED, not crazy mad. 

I'd tell her to knock it off. Remind her of her age and say that if she's not grateful for the laptop, you'll simply take it back. And that next year, she should consider herself happy with nothing more than a card and a cake with candles....since that's all that seems to matter. 

My husband barely remembers my birthday to tell me "happy b'day". In almost 30 years together, I've probably gotten a dozen cards. He's never arranged a cake, and I can't remember him actually buying a gift for it. HOWEVER, he is a really good man and rarely denies me anything. Leading up to my b'day he will ask if I want to go to dinner or if there's anything I want and then says "well, go get it". So....2 yrs ago I wanted an iPad, and this year it was a MacBook Air, which I went and got by myself (and said "thank you" for) He could get by so much more cheaply if he'd just go get a card and some balloons (I'm not a flowers type of gal)! 

He never had a b'day party growing up, and b'days were never a big deal in his household. I'm fairly cool with it, except when someone asks if he did anything special for my birthday. That's when it bothers me--what others think! Now that's wrong, and I know it, but oh well.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

You married this woman?

Jesus

Look in the mirror ASAP and start figuring out what is wrong with you for getting into relationship/marriage with a person like that.

This is a problem with YOU, LONG LONG LONG before it is a problem with this GIRL you are with.

How in the world did you accept this?

Good luck, you are going to need it.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Could this be what was really bothering her?


Look, he did quite a bit for her and was completely ignored.......when you try hard and your efforts are completely unappreciated it makes people not give a ****.

And to his defense, world cup has been amazing/crazy.....so he has every right to watch the game.

ESPECIALLY if his wife acts like a spoiled little girl.


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## bild-a-loco (Jan 22, 2014)

Like everyone else said, if what you've said is accurate, she's behaving like a spoiled child and perhaps needs to be treated as such - perhaps that would wake her up. 

You didn't do anything wrong, except perhaps get her sparked up by spending time with the fellas watching the soccer game when it was supposed to be "her" night, but even still, that would seem like a minor thing even if it did bother her. She's just being a complete brat.

Maybe take the laptop back and give her some Barbie dolls to play with - tell her she'll get a grown-up gift when she stops acting like a child. Good luck. :scratchhead:


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## Kim C (Jun 9, 2014)

Was there a girl/woman amongst your work group where you may have lingered a bit too long? That's the only thing that could legitimately have set her off and it's coming out as you not making her feel special. If not, sit her down and ask her what's really going on? If she says the same balloons/candle crap sternly and I mean sternly snap back with .... are you for real? You ungrateful twit - do you realize how many woman would love to be stay at home moms with husbands that dote on them and buy them expensive gifts like laptops. Never mind the cards and flowers - are you really going to look me in the face and tell me I ruined your birthday? Clearly you have forgotten what the real world is like - maybe you need to start looking for a job. I promise it will fix her!! She will say good and she would love to but she won't. Once she has time to absorb what you said she will realize she's being a tool.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Kim C said:


> Was there a girl/woman amongst your work group where you may have lingered a bit too long?


Obviously, the answer to that one is "no."


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