# Marriage in trouble



## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

I've been a paraplegic for the last 20 years - 12 years ago I met a girl 9 years younger than me who had 2 small boys and was extracting herself from an abusive relationship. We got married 11 years ago. Things were fine to start with - but over the last few years things have got worse. We had difficulties sexually but have an 8 year old daughter now as well as the 2 boys.

I've had some health problems over the last 5 years - I keep winding up in a specialist spinal hospital for a month or two. My wife has gone completely off me - she doesn't want me to touch her or show any affection - which hurts like hell. She told a mutual friend that she wants to move out of the marital bed. (Fortunately physically impossible). While she has threatened divorce a couple of times in heated arguements nothing has happened and there isn't anyone else - trust me I'd know.

Recently a friend of ours was diagnosed as depressed - and out of interest I looked up the symptoms on the net and realised that I ticked a lot of the boxes - short tempered, grumpy, eating too much, inability to motivate myself, pissed off with me, the situation, the world....- I work on my own - to save money we have one car - which she takes in the morning and leaves me at home all day. 

I've got a friend to take me out once or twice a week - and I'm trying to be as positive as possible. I'm drumming up work and arranging to get out and meet people rather than talking over the phone. Trying to stop wasting time reading the paper etc rather than getting on with things that matter.

Is there any hope - or are we heading for the rocks as only one of us want to stay together. I love her to bits (which is OK when she's nice but not so hot when she decides to cut me dead). I've been through one divorce and I don't fancy a second one. It destroyed my elder daughter, and it's SO lonely living on your own.

Help please - I really want to keep things together but I'm not sure I know how to. 

Sorry this is so long


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Check into individual counseling! For both of you. And joint counseling. If this is unresolved...yes, the rocks. You need to both find the person you each fell in love with again. 

What kind of problems sexually? What is your prognosis, overall? 

I understand living alone..I don't want to either. But I'm not in a good place right now, either.  It will take time.


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## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

Paralysis interferes with erection and ejaculation. Viagra helps but I need pretty vigorous stimulation to get pleasure and ejaculation only occurs when I massage my prostate gland in the back passage - something my wife won't go near. Intercourse doesn't happen.

Having said that she has told me that she's had some of the best orgasms courtesy of my fingers and they don't go limp so repeat orgasms and female ejaculation were regular events. 

Sadly nothing since before Christmas - just the menopause - hot sweats and all.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

So, how did you all manage a daughter? 

Try a dildo (an acrylic one) for the prostate...It can hit the right spot and be controlled externally. I know some of the best times I had were a prostate massage...but xgf used her fingers (and a rubber glove)...that might be an idea...


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## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

Conception - try prostrate massage first thing in the morning - with condom (non spermicidal of course) - syringe and insert as far as you can get it - then lie on her back for half an hour... worked second time, after IVF course had failed and I'm 8k the lighter!!

We talked this evening and she's suggested she's going to sleep in our daughters bedroom (don't think that's a possibility as the room isn't big enough) and maybe we should get divorced sometime !!! Not that I've done anything wrong and there isn't anyone else.

Ugh! as the silent tears role down - think I'll sleep on that - well lie in bed and try not to think. Must be positive and not get down. Determined to be cheerful well outwardly anyway, and be Very careful what I say...

Any thoughts


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