# Feels more like roommates than marriage



## Valerie50 (Mar 30, 2012)

I've been married for 20 something years. The past few years have not been what I thought they should or would be. Our children have grown and gone and now what I thought would be the great years has turned into depressing just existing together years. We have not had sex but 2 times in the past year and that was because I insisted on it. We go to marriage counseling but I don't see things getting better. We have a great friendship but I need that emotional connection, kissing good morning & good night and the occassional snuggle and love taps but I haven't had that in about 5 years and we keep growing further apart. Our counselor gives us things to try to get the communication back and he always agrees to try it while we are in the counselors office. We leave and he doesn't do anything, it is all me trying and I'm trying so hard. It is very frustrating, it hurts and causes even more resentment. I know I deserve to be happy and to have my needs met but at that same time I think he isn't a bad guy, or abusive, we do have a friendship. He did have an internet affair a year ago. I just don't know what to do. I would ove to hear from some of you.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Valerie50 said:


> He did have an internet affair a year ago.


I had a totally different answer until I got to this sentence. I don't know if he's still cheating but I know this. He's just not that into you. And he's 'done'. Sorry. 

The best thing you could do would be a 180. Focus on you, get out, get a life, make friends, be UNavailable. If he doesn't want to lose you he will make the effort but at the moment he's not interested. My guess is he knows you won't leave and he's comfy.


----------



## Valerie50 (Mar 30, 2012)

Your last sentence really hit the nail on the head. It is scary to leave. I should also mention that he has bipolar disorder and has no friends, he is either working, hanging out in the garage by himself or watching TV and I feel guilty. How do you leave someone who is ill?


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Valerie50 said:


> Your last sentence really hit the nail on the head. It is scary to leave. I should also mention that he has bipolar disorder and has no friends, he is either working, hanging out in the garage by himself or watching TV and I feel guilty. How do you leave someone who is ill?


It's going to come down to which pain is the worst. The guilty pain of leaving him or the pain of staying.

If it were me I'd choose the guilt. That feeling will pass eventually. But if you stay? You're stuck until one of you dies.


----------

