# Who Should Contact Who



## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Since being single, I have been trying out some dating app's and websites, and been using Tinder for one, and liked this one guy who I matched up with, and then I messaged him first, from there him and I talked and then he gave me his number, then we talked through texting by phone, us ending our conversation with him saying "I'd love to talk some more tomorrow. Have a great night Natalie" and I replied with "Sure let's keep chatting, talk to you tomorrow, sleep well night night".

Now I don't know if I should text him or let him text me or call him or let him call me. Who should make the next move? Or does it not matter? Its 4PM and no word from him at all today, I want to wait and see if he texts me later or not. Him and I did set up a date to happen next week. So maybe he will text me later but I am not so sure.

What to do?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

This is a marriage site, not a dating site. No advice.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Wait 48hrs. So text him tomorrow if you don't hear back. Odds are he's probably married. Ha.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

Personally I think it's best in the beginning to wait for the man to contact you first to gage his interest. Men persue women they are interested in.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Fitnessfan said:


> Personally I think it's best in the beginning to wait for the man to contact you first to gage his interest. Men persue women they are interested in.


I agree. 

He has your number, he knows how to reach you if he wants to.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

He should contact you. Don't call or text. If he's interested, he will.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Since being single, I have been trying out some dating app's and websites, and been using Tinder for one, and liked this one guy who I matched up with, and then I messaged him first, from there him and I talked and then he gave me his number, then we talked through texting by phone, us ending our conversation with him saying "I'd love to talk some more tomorrow. Have a great night Natalie" and I replied with "Sure let's keep chatting, talk to you tomorrow, sleep well night night".
> 
> Now I don't know if I should text him or let him text me or call him or let him call me. Who should make the next move? Or does it not matter? Its 4PM and no word from him at all today, I want to wait and see if he texts me later or not. Him and I did set up a date to happen next week. So maybe he will text me later but I am not so sure.
> 
> What to do?


You will get more than your fill of advice over here.

Relationships Forum - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

Where they talk about dating all the time. Not much of a marriage question.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Maybe it's because I am a bit older with more life experience, and know what I want, but geez, all this game playing...if you want to talk to him, talk to him. If you don't, don't. These so called "rules" always struck me as stupid.

That said, given your threads here at TAM, it may be in your best interest to spend your time talking to a therapist for a while before even thinking about talking to potential dates.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

This is a marriage site that has post marriage and dating areas so maybe a misplaced topic but no need to be harsh.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I agree with sam, you're an adult....he's an adult.... If its games you want then by all means play on but if you want to talk....talk. Also, it's Tinder after all.... neither of you have anything invested but the time you spend texting. For all you know he's talking to ten other women and for all he know's you're talking to ten other men. It's basically a big meet and greet..... you're mingling with the masses to see if something develops with someone overtime....you're not falling in love over texts.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You may find that tinder is not the best app for a 29 year old virgin waiting for marriage.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You may find that tinder is not the best app for a 29 year old virgin waiting for marriage.


Quote from my 15yo "Mom, it's a pick up site."


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't see why you can't shoot him a text to show interest. Just don't become that girl who is texting non stop and appears clingy. Another text today saying hey hope things are well looking forward to speaking to you again could go a long way in letting him know you are interested.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

It's Tinder. What he wants is for you to text him pics of you in yoga pants


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

I'm with sam as well. This whole entitled-princess, "The Rules"-based "man should always chase us" mentality is tiresome, and it's especially stupid in a low-investment context like Tinder/OLD where you have not yet demonstrated that you are WORTH chasing. If you want to talk, then talk, just don't double/multi-text desperately when you aren't getting replies. 

Far more important than who texts when is what you say. You should mirror the level of interest shown to you. If you want to maintain a connection with a man, then for the love o' pete do NOT respond to everything with closed-ended, declarative statements ("Yep!" "LOL." etc.). 

Comment on something that interests you, ask a question, elaborate your answer with some intriguing detail, say anything that gives your conversation partner something to pursue. Otherwise, especially if your profile is also devoid of clues about your personality, you're just begging guys to ghost, say impersonal sh!t about the weather or sports, or resort to lame pickup lines and comments about your b00bs.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

But having the girl always do the chase only shows she is interested, not that he is as well.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You have post after post asking what you should do in this or that situation - I think you need to grow a backbone and start figuring out what YOU like and stop being so needy. You don't sound like you are able to make a single decision on your own - I think you would benefit from some kind of therapy to work on your sense of self and to work on depending on yourself instead of everyone else for everything.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Since being single, I have been trying out some dating app's and websites, and been using Tinder for one, and liked this one guy who I matched up with, and then I messaged him first, from there him and I talked and then he gave me his number, then we talked through texting by phone, us ending our conversation with him saying "I'd love to talk some more tomorrow. Have a great night Natalie" and I replied with "Sure let's keep chatting, talk to you tomorrow, sleep well night night".
> 
> Now I don't know if I should text him or let him text me or call him or let him call me. Who should make the next move? Or does it not matter? Its 4PM and no word from him at all today, I want to wait and see if he texts me later or not. Him and I did set up a date to happen next week. So maybe he will text me later but I am not so sure.
> 
> What to do?


Since you met him through Tinder anything more than "Your place or mine? I have condoms" will probably not get read.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> But having the girl always do the chase only shows she is interested, not that he is as well.


Probably why exactly no one has suggested "having the girl always do the chase."


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

My personal opinion, and I did about 2+ years of subscription OLD, you need to text less and date in person more. Set a finite amount of time you text before meeting for a date. I'd go no more than 3 days texting, but that was just my choice. Any prospect that wanted to just text and not meet up with me pretty soon after exchanging a few messages, would always fade out.

BTW, there's no rule of contact. I almost always initiated, but I'm a headstrong, direct personality. You should do what feels right for you.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

eric1 said:


> It's Tinder. What he wants is for you to text him pics of you in yoga pants


Yoga pants?...ain't it more like no pants and topless>


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

For someone that's a "virgin" she sure joins sites that are far from virgin like places to meet other singles. Why would a 30 year old virgin join Tinder?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

eric1 said:


> It's Tinder. What he wants is for you to text him pics of you in yoga pants


The defective kind Lululemons to be precise (look it up).

Seriously, look up Melani Robinson and her One Year of OLD at 50. Now you're not 50 but you're not Tinder material either so just read Melani's site. It's good.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

It's not about "rules". I met my husband OLD and was very clear about what I was looking for - and it was NOT a fling or a penpal. I also told him up front that I was new to OLD and old fashioned at heart and wanted to be courted. I was going to accept nothing less than what I wanted, and he'd either ask me out again or he wouldn't. 

He had no doubt whatsoever that I was interested, because I was very receptive to him and truly, honestly appreciative of the way he treated me - with respect, and like a lady...and I told him so.

Nothing at all to do with "rules" or game playing. OP - there's no harm in texting him ONCE to say hi, and that you're looking forward your date next week. But that's it. If he doesn't respond, just move on. And don't play games - if he calls and you're able to talk, answer the phone. If you're busy let it go to voicemail and call him back when you're free.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Yeah him and I are still talking and texting and will still meet next week. I hope it goes well but who knows.


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