# Partner leaving after 9.5yrs



## evans (Nov 2, 2012)

I haven't done this before but feel as though I need some non biased advice.
My partner of 9.5 yrs has decided to end our relationship saying that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want what I want!!
We have a child together who is 3, he has always known that I want to get married, have children etc and now he says this!! Confused, sad and angry is understatement.
We have been together since I was 21 and he 19. I had a chance to live a little before we met where as he had only been living out of home for a month before we did. 
I have always done everything for him and the biggest reason for most of our arguments has been because I got very little help with anything. He says that he needs to learn to do things for himself. 
I feel as though I have lost everything and everything I dreamed of....
Help


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Divorce rates for men who marry before 30 is extremely high. (yes i know you are not married but there are many similarities). For women it's if they marry before 25.

People change and grow so much during their 20's. This is not to justify what he's doing. It's only to explain that this is so very predictable.

So what do you do? You can try to get him to go to counseling with you.

Is he still living with you?


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## evans (Nov 2, 2012)

We are still living together due to our financial situation. He is in the process of saving to move and will do so within the next couple of weeks.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Is he open to counseling?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Any signs of an affair?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## evans (Nov 2, 2012)

He isn't open to trying to salvage our relationship. He says he has tried but I know as well as he knows that he hasn't doesn't anything apart from stay, hoping things would get better. There are no signs of an affair, however my gut is telling me something is going on like he has an interest somewhere else.

Through the day I'm coping ok, it's at night when I get sad and cry a lot and can't make sense of all that is going on. 
I feel as though he gets to walk away, over it & no longer in love & I'm left heartbroken and picking up the pieces :{ He doesn't want to talk about anything as he says theire is nothing left to talk about and doesn't know what to say.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Review phone records, cell and text messaging.

Check out his email accounts - home, work, private, etc.

Keylogger the computer so you get all passwords.

Put a Voice Activated Recorder under the seat of his car.

You'll know what you're up against within 3-5 days.


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## evans (Nov 2, 2012)

update - things are strating to get nasty. He says he doesn't want nothing to do with me and only our son. How this is supposed to work is beyond me, I am the primary caregiver of our son who is 3 and always have been even whislt we were together. He would come home between 7.30 - 8pm our son will usually heading to bed at this time and he would leave for work again at 7.30 so whilst our son wòuld see him during this time, it certainly wasn't quality time as he was always in transition (coming or going) and on his only day off I would have to pretty much beg him to do something with us (crazy ha! Why did I settle 4 this) 
He is going out tonight, third time this week & is moving out tomorrow, I put all his stuff out this evening & he packed it all in his car and left to a friends. I've let him know to contact me to pick up a few remaining things (bed, etc) I'm making sure I won't be home and will ensure the house is locked so he can't get in & has to contact me. I've also asked him to conatct a lawyer in regards to visiting rights for our son as I feel as though his beginning to get nasty and unreliable - AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING? I'm so confused and everything seems to be a fog


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Be firm, but not nasty.

Do not persecute or pursue. It will drive him even further away.

Let him own his chaos.

Figure out if he is cheating. It changes the game and how you respond considerably.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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