# Threesome issues........



## Raymondwindham (May 25, 2013)

Ok, my wife and I have been married for 21 years. We married young and I had an affair after two years of marriage. At that time, we werent getting along at all. She divorced me (rightfully so) and after a year of being divorced, she remarried. That marriage lasted 9 months and then they divorced. We began talking again due to our 5 year old daughter starting school. Before we knew it, we were back together. We remarried and had two more daughters. We have been back together for 13 years and things were great. Yes, I was faithful these past 13 years. 

A couple of years ago, my wife was diagnosed with clinical depression. She became emotionally involved with another married man that we knew, but it nothing physical never happened. She isnt very affectionate as far as touching, hugging, saying I love you (to me), etc. and has always been that way. I am very affectionate. This man moved away and there is no contact with him. I was upset but with my past, very forgiving. At work, I befriended a 28yr old guy who, by looks could be a model. My wife instantly became attracted to him. When he was around, she forgot about me. He wasnt pursuing her at all. So, she has the depression and starts telling me that she wants out, she hates me and doesnt love me anymore. I was devastated. This went on for months. She even told my friend that she was leaving me and she met someone else. My friend told me about what she said and I confronted her. She was furious and cussed me out.

Because of my past, I feel like I must forgive her (and I love her). So, things get better and in the bedroom she says she has fantasized about my friend having sex with her. I tell her if she wants to have a threesome with him, I would agree to it. Again, I feel like because of the affair I had, she should be allowed to have sex with him.

We have had 4 threesomes now with him and it was a turn on for all of us. The sex doesnt bother me. Now, she has told me that they both have "strong" feelings for eachother. He has told her that he has feelings for her that he shouldnt have. She has said that she gets a special feeling when they touch. I told her thats what I wanted from her all of these years. 

She has said that she could never be in a relationship with him, that it would never work. She says that she loves me more than she could ever love him also. I know, we created this mess and we are all to blame. Im not really looking for advice, just needed to get it off my chest.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Okay....so... you got it off your chest....now what??


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## Raymondwindham (May 25, 2013)

Not sure. I guess several things go through my mind. Like, do we cut our friend out of our lives? Get divorced? If I had answers, I wouldnt be in this situation. Anybody else have anything similar?


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

You just said you weren't looking for advice.

The truth, just cos you had an affair years ago doesn't mean that you need to give her a free pass.

Introducing a third person into the fold is always a bad idea. You might be aroused at the thought but I'm almost certain that you felt humiliated after each session.

You need to make it absolutely clear to her that the other guy needs to go and tell her what you expect out of this marriage and if she's not willing to meet you halfway, you will be the one leaving her. And hold that stand.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Love and respect go hand in hand when it comes to marriage. Don't let her disrespect you by wanting an open relationship and don't disrespect yourself further by complying to it. If she feels that she can do better, don't get in her way.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Just because one partner cheats, it shouldn't give the other a free pass to do the same. 

That's just piling destructive behavior upon destructive behavior, and no real healing happens because you're both too busy trying to 'one-up" each other.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Dude: you screwed up big time! Get a Divorce, you literally just handed your wife over on a platter like she was a gourmet dish.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

What a big mess  since you're not looking for advice i wont bother you with one ( you'll be getting them anyways  ) 

I do wish you and your family luck especially the children with how things then out !


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

cake eater! she wants you to be ok being her meal ticket. as she get her sexual needs met elsewhere.

sounds like she never was never sexually attracted to you .


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

So because you had an affair she gets a free pass? You've just agreed to an open marriage.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Not being in the situation it seems you should both cut this other guy out of your lives and work on rekindling your marriage (if that is what you both want.)

Having an affair was wrong but when you remarried it was a new start. Your past behavior doesn't give her a blank check for whatever she wants for the rest of forever. 

Hoping everything works out for you guys.


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

Raymondwindham said:


> Ok, my wife and I have been married for 21 years. We married young and I had an affair after two years of marriage. At that time, we werent getting along at all. She divorced me (rightfully so) and after a year of being divorced, she remarried. That marriage lasted 9 months and then they divorced. We began talking again due to our 5 year old daughter starting school. Before we knew it, we were back together. We remarried and had two more daughters. We have been back together for 13 years and things were great. Yes, I was faithful these past 13 years.
> 
> A couple of years ago, my wife was diagnosed with clinical depression. She became emotionally involved with another married man that we knew, but it nothing physical never happened. She isnt very affectionate as far as touching, hugging, saying I love you (to me), etc. and has always been that way. I am very affectionate. This man moved away and there is no contact with him. I was upset but with my past, very forgiving. At work, I befriended a 28yr old guy who, by looks could be a model. My wife instantly became attracted to him. When he was around, she forgot about me. He wasnt pursuing her at all. So, she has the depression and starts telling me that she wants out, she hates me and doesnt love me anymore. I was devastated. This went on for months. She even told my friend that she was leaving me and she met someone else. My friend told me about what she said and I confronted her. She was furious and cussed me out.
> 
> ...


I've never heard a good ending to threesomes between married people... I'm against them if you actually LOVE your partner.

I had a foursome with my husband once and DUDE that blew up all over the place. THe other guy fell for me and was texting me all the time. I played along cause it was ego building but is there a chance your wife is doing this? 

You said he was physically attractive to her, so maybe a good looking guy showing her attention beyond sex is an ego builder for her.

I say these are your choices:

1 - Continue having threesomes and eventually get your wife so distanced from you that you end up divorced again

2 - End the threesomes, end the relationship with the other man and work on your relationship with your wife. IC and MC to get to a better place

3 - Leave


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

No advice. 

But I'll provide the color commentary.

"Fummmmmmble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You fumbled your marriage.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Sorry..but you should not be letting your wife justify treating you this way just because you made the mistake of having an A over 13 years ago. You are now being treated like a doormat by your W. She has guilted you into having a threesome and is treating you like her room mate..not her husband. She is not treating you with any respect what so ever by doing this and expressing her interest in the OM. 

If I was you I would think about kicking your W out and letting her have this guy. She won't see what she has until she is left with no choice but the OM.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Wow. A threesome is just a PA with you present. She's already cheated on you and you were sitting right there helping. Good thing you didn't ask for advice because I don't know what to tell you. You may want to move this thread to the CWI forum, 'cause that's w h says happening.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok, so now you've let her cheat with your permission in front of you, and you've leant that its not that you wife doesn't have passion, it's just that she has no passion for you.

Why would you stay with someone who has no passion, love, or respect for you?

divorce her and find a woman who views you as more than a stable paycheck.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm guessing she still throws the occasional pity sex at you while she's making plans to have the guy she wants?

That must be pretty humiliating to be living with.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Raymondwindham said:


> She isnt very affectionate as far as touching, hugging, saying I love you (to me), etc. ..She has said that she gets a special feeling when they touch. I told her thats what I wanted from her all of these years.


The threesomes are basically a red herring. Bottom line: She's just not into you and never was. Get in the shape of your life (six pack) and move on. If you're in your 40s or 50s and have a good physique you can have good threesomes (the kind with two women).


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> The threesomes are basically a red herring. Bottom line: She's just not into you and never was. Get in the shape of your life (six pack) and move on. If you're in your 40s or 50s and have a good physique you can have good threesomes (the kind with two women).


/thread

But seriously, it sounds like the threesome is only the most recent event in a series of bad decisions on both of your parts. It may be time for both of you to reevaluate the marriage and decide if it needs to be be really worked on or mercifully ended.


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

:iagree: Abandon ship!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It doesn't actually sound like a threesome.

That's where three people engage in sex together.

What you have here is your wife and her bf having sex, while you are in the same room.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> It doesn't actually sound like a threesome.
> 
> That's where three people engage in sex together.
> 
> What you have here is your wife and her bf having sex, while you are in the same room.


Thats what it sounds like.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> It doesn't actually sound like a threesome.
> 
> That's where three people engage in sex together.
> 
> What you have here is your wife and her bf having sex, while you are in the same room.


That's called cuckolding.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

As tempting as it is and pretty much every guys dream to have hot sex with two hot woman at the same time all night, in the end, I wouldn't do it. Someone always gets hurt and if my wifee knew I had a three some with hot women, she wouldn't of married me. Some fantasies should remain just that, even though I'd love to do it.

Only thing I'm guilty of, is when I'm really in the mood, I relieve myself to get it out of my system. I'm not proud of this and I consider it a sin but what else am I do to? No bars, pubs, strips clubs, subscription to adult sites or magazines, no beaches, no malls, no hair salons, no gym (at home), so basically I've eliminated all the temptation I can think of, short of relieving myself at home. I am HD with a LD wifee.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

By coming on this forum and specifically saying you do not want advice, that says volumes. It says to me that you are not willing to take criticism and allow others to have any input. This is actually a manipulation tactic. I would venture to guess that you are good at manipulating people to get your own way, and in the process you end up screwing things up royally. You sound pretty obsessive to me, too. This all comes from having very big insecurities and lots of fears. From your description of your self, you sound very Beta (not Alpha), and Betas generally have low self-esteem issues (issues with confidence). Low self-esteem and lack of confidence is a huge turn-off for a woman (or women in general). This guy that you introduced is probably more Alpha, but that usually means he is going to be in it for the fun and yet has plenty of other options out there. 

That means that even though this might seem exciting to your wife, it is just a fantasy that will not last. She wants you to be more Alpha, but that hasn't happened -- and so she can't seem to keep that attraction flame burning at all.

Here is my advice. Go Alpha. Get in shape and do what it takes to gain self-confidence. Get pissed off and take life by the throat. Don't just cave in and give in like you always have a tendency to do. Giving your wife to another man to please her is a Beta thing to do, not an Alpha thing. So how do you do all of this? Pretend that you are single and you want to attract an amazingly beautiful woman. Do the things it would take to do that. Work out, get some better clothes, deck yourself out, make more money, flirt with confidence more, take up skydiving, rock climbing, or some other risky sport. Buy a hot motorbike. Set a goal and go for it -- and don't let anyone stop you. Get your drive for life back and ride it full-throttle.

The worst thing that could happen is that you improve yourself and she doesn't respond to you (which is logically a win for you and a loss for her). Then at least you are in the position to have someone else take notice of you (another win for you and loss for her). Quit with trying to manipulate and control your way through life and go for life in a completely different way. Just do it. Break free from your fears and your insecurities and quit trying to guilt and control people into what you want to see happen. Do it for yourself.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I'm guessing she still throws the occasional pity sex at you while she's making plans to have the guy she wants?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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