# Honesty about Past



## Justina (May 18, 2012)

I've been married 2 years now. I am a very open and honest person, but my husband never wants to talk about past relationships. I had asked him once if he'd ever been engaged before and he said no. Recently, he asked me to find an address in his email to mail a letter while he was away. While searching I found an old emails from a girl who he was apparently engaged to. It was before we met, but he still lied about it. To me if your hiding something like that it must be because he still has feelings about this girl. It's driving me crazy, should I confront him? Am I right in thinking that because he doesn't want to talk about this past relationship and lied about it that it means a lot to him, perhaps more than our relationship? What do I do?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I wouldn't read too much into it based on my own past.

My wife has asked me about other GFs and "how far we went" and such questions (and we've been married for 26 years). I was (and still am) uncomfortable talking about this issue. Within a few months of our relationship getting serious, whenever she'd ask this I'd simply tell her "Honey, that's all in the past before I meet you. What's important now is us"

I know, seems like a BS answer but it was and is true. I've never cheated on her since our first date nor have I ever fantasized she was anyone else during sex!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

It's possible. Since he asked you to look for an address for him, why don't you just ASK him about this girl? I mean, he DID say he was never engaged before... did this email come out and say "engaged" or "fiance/fiancee"? If it were my husband, I'd ask. And he doesn't like talking about the past either., But, after reading what Toffer said... I wouldn't read into it what you are thinking. Seriously, though, just ask him about it if it is bothering you so much.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I agree that it's best not to read too much into this, but given that you now feel he's lied to you, I'd bring it into the open.

Some people don't think it's appropriate to go into too much detail about past relationships, and I'm one of them. Not talking about his exes doesn't mean they still mean something to him.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Both my husband and I leave the past behind us. There is no need to bring up the past ever. We both had terrible marriages, but did not ever did we go into detail. He'd be horrified to hear how I was treated by my ex. I would rather leave it alone and keep moving forward with the relationship we have now. We make wonderful memories together. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. I value every moment we share together.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Since it's bothering you, ask him. Better to know now. Dont let it fester.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I wouldn't worry about it meaning something more (such as her meaning more to him than you do). Sometimes, people just think it's easier to leave out certain details...he probably feels that if he'd told you, that would have opened up the floodgates to a barrage of questions from you; questions he'd probably be uncomfortable answering!

However, what your husband has done is called lying by omission, and it would be best to break that habit before it causes more damage.

I know exactly how you feel, because my husband did something similar to me. The lies he *didn't tell* have wreaked havoc on our entire relationship, and if you care to see just how deep the damage can run, see my posts on the subject. There are many 

Best wishes.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I wouldn't worry about his trying to keep the details of past relationships in the past and out of mind. The only thing I'd ask from him is to be 100% honest when/if you do ask questions.

Lying is NEVER acceptable in a marriage. I think you should demand completely honesty from him.

Still since he's uncomfortable talking about his past, I'd leave it alone. You are married to the man he is today, not the man 10 years before you exchanged vows.


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

Just simply ask. You obviously know something so just calmly ask him why he felt he needed to lie about it. Then go from there. My husband knows about my ex and how horrible that relationship was. He doesn't necessarily like hearing it, but he knows and it's all in the past.


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