# SAHP and house work



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

The majority of stay at home parents are women. And an oft heard complaint is how the housekeeping is not done.

How many of you have husbands that complain about the house work only come home and dump crap where ever it lands? They do a project, the tools get left. They come home and take apart an old camera and leave the parts in the hutch that you JUST cleaned up. They take their socks off and dump them on the living room floor.

I don't clean up after my kids. I sure as hell am not cleaning up after a grown man.

Worst is when they tell the kids not to do messy thing X that THEY can't stop themselves from doing. grrrrrr

But then, may this be the most of my troubles. It just makes me crazy when I bust my ass and harangue the kids to make the house **** n span and he dumps **** all over the place. No wonder I run out of steam and let stuff go sometimes.

Laundry done EVERY DAY
Dinner cooked EVEY DAY (not to mention feeding the kids 2 other meals and 2 other snacks)
Swish and swipe bathroom EVERY DAY
Tidy upstairs EVERY DAY

Who has time to home school?!?

</vent off>


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

The modern term is not SAHM. It is Household CEO. When I was one I often wondered where the hell my secretary was!


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Screw the secretary. I want a janitorial staff.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I wanted Haz Mat.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Like a hazardous material suit?!?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Exactly. And the big dudes who come in and clear everything out. LOL.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Woa. Your house is dirty!


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

VTJSM, i am married to a SAHM. I try my bess not to come home and mess up the house, so i fell your pain. I've been working weekends too for the last 2.5 years, but finally i am free on the weekends. My sat looks like this, get up, roll up my sleeves and get to so major house cleaning. So the wife's job wont' be so bad during the week.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

To be fair, Rob, the vent was a little overly enthusiastic. Mh DH is the best. He has been sick for a couple of days so has done squat. I have also not been feeling well but kinda upped the anti to get stuff done. But that was not HIM that put me on me, that was ME. So I should not really complain.

He has 2 contributors to his throwing stuff about. His mother, growing up, would nag a teeny bit but then clean up after him. He never lifted a finger growing up. And if he made a mess, she cleaned it up. (In hearts to heart with me, she admits to regretting doing that. Even sort of apologized to me!)

Also DH likely has undiagnosed ADHD. He is never actually paying any attention at all to what he is currently doing. If he is taking off his socks, he is thinking about the 1/2 marathon coming up or the brutal workout he has planned for the day. When he dumps the electronics on the hutch he is thinking about how the gizmo works.

We live in New England. This time of year we can use the out doors as a refrigerator. Don't ASK me what he was thinking when he put the whole crock pot outside, instead of just the insert, IN THE RAIN. We JUST bought it after he broke the last one. *sigh*

Oh well. You really can't fault someone for what they cannot help that they are TRYING to help.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Mine are getting older which means my life is getting easier in some ways and insane in others...a fourteen year old is a whole different set of issues.

We have a small home with only one bathroom and I think this REALLY helps save me time. Of course, we don't have a dishwasher so this totally takes up more of my time.

During the week I do the laundry (I HATE FREAKING LAUNDRY), meals, clean up dishes, homework duty, drive kids places duty...but on weekends my husband does laundry and cleans up after meals although I still make them. I only clean the whole house once a week with the help of my family on either Saturday or Sunday (mopping, vacuuming, dusting, bleaching bathroom, changing sheets, etc.) and my daughter has recycling/garbage duty. My sons have to put away their own clothes and keep their shared room clean but that's about it for them.

vthome, no idea how you have the level of patience it takes to home school. There was a time when we had thought about it as well for so many great reasons but eventually decided it wasn't for us, mainly because I'm not that smart and I'm not that patient. I give you major credit.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I hate cleaning bathrooms. When I am in the groove, I get up before the kids. I get my first cup of coffee in, shower and get dressed. After I am done showering, I hit one of those puffs with whatever the cheapest product is and swish the tub. Yuck never gets a change to build up. After I am done the rest of my toilette, I swipe the outside of the toilet and the sink... Poof!


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> To be fair, Rob, the vent was a little overly enthusiastic. Mh DH is the best. He has been sick for a couple of days so has done squat. I have also not been feeling well but kinda upped the anti to get stuff done. But that was not HIM that put me on me, that was ME. So I should not really complain.
> 
> He has 2 contributors to his throwing stuff about. *His mother, growing up, would nag a teeny bit but then clean up after him. He never lifted a finger growing up. And if he made a mess, she cleaned it up. *(In hearts to heart with me, she admits to regretting doing that. Even sort of apologized to me!)


I was the baby of the family as well, so i barely cleaned a thing growing up. Its why my dorm room looked like crap, unless i knew i was having company that night  Its also why my office ( as i look around) looks like crap half the time. I sympathize with your situation that much more than.


----------



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I too am a Household CEO (I like that term) My h never complains about the house. He knows I will not let my home get to messy. He cleans up after himself most the time. We have separate bathrooms, a must for a peaceful marriage, I don't use his nor do I clean it.

Our son is my main priority, school, sports etc.. So anything else has to take a backseat. My 9yo cleans up. I am teaching him how to do laundry. Boys need to learn these things too.

I quit a long time ago trying to have a **** n span house. All it does is frustrate you when someone messes it up, and it will get messed up.

Bless you Rob
My h would clean if I ask him to, but I don't. He works M-F 10 hrs. the weekends we all have fun. This is the only time we have together. I certainly don't want to spend our time cleaning.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> I was the baby of the family as well, so i barely cleaned a thing growing up. Its why my dorm room looked like crap, unless i knew i was having company that night  Its also why my office ( as i look around) looks like crap half the time. I sympathize with your situation that much more than.


I get this though. My third is a son and will always be my baby. I know I am more likely to cater to him but have hope that he'll grow up to be like you as you seem like an amazing husband. There is hope yet.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

God I am the OPPOSITE. I am the baby of a great many. I had as many chores and responsibilities as my elders and as they started leaving he house more. It did me no end of good. My youngest of 2 is my girl. There is no way I am going to raise her to be a helpless eyelash flutterer. At 7, she cooks her own breakfast (omelets, crepes, you name it), does laundry, hauls wood. Whatever needs doing. 

Catering to a kid is doing him or her no favors, in my book. But that's me. I guess I am just not super sentimental.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> God I am the OPPOSITE. I am the baby of a great many. I had as many chores and responsibilities as my elders and as they started leaving he house more. It did me no end of good. My youngest of 2 is my girl. There is no way I am going to raise her to be a helpless eyelash flutterer. At 7, she cooks her own breakfast (omelets, crepes, you name it), does laundry, hauls wood. Whatever needs doing.
> 
> Catering to a kid is doing him or her no favors, in my book. But that's me. I guess I am just not super sentimental.


It's a selfish thing, I know. I am having a hard time coming to the conclusion that my babies are growing up. I still have expectations and am certainly not raising a boy that I expect to turn into a man that expects to be taken care of. 

I am raising children that are empowered to make the world a better place, are not afraid to ask questions when they think something is wrong and are willing to fight for what they believe is right. I don't focus so much on whether they can cook or clean I admit but we do focus on other things that are more important to us as a family.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

That's all that counts.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> That's all that counts.


You might want to get involved with what we do. I think your family might really enjoy it. If you visit www.blossominternational.org and see something that you'd like to get in on let me know. I'm sure you already do things with your kids but the Care Pack program is really great and we've worked with foster kids in all states. The kids basically collect new items from a wish list we attain from your local foster care agency (in NJ it's DYFS) and Blossom can provide the back packs or duffel bags and Care Pack tags, etc. Your family puts them together and then meets with the agency to distribute them. Simple and it really, really helps children in transition. There are tons of other projects too. Let me know, and this goes for anyone, if you'd like to get involved.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

VT, your 7 yr old can cook omelets? Do you supervise her when she does it? I want to teach both of my boys to cook, and they are 9 & 7, but I am terrified to let them near the stove just yet. They both have ADHD and I'm starting to strongly suspect my 7 yr old has a bit of a sensory integration issue as well. And I just can't help but picture them leaving something cooking on the stovetop and forgetting about it till it goes up in flames, or forgetting to use an oven mitt to remove something from the oven and then they'll have 50 degree burns or something. lol 

Seriously, though, at what age did you start teaching her to cook and do you still supervise her? I'm trying to figure out if I'm being overprotective or doing the right thing here. 

With all that said, I do the housecleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. But my boys do have chores. They both clean up their shared bedroom, put away their own clothes (and are now learning to fold them), clean up their stuff in the living room, dining room, etc., and recently, I started them on each cleaning the bathroom once a week (it gets cleaned twice...just the way Mommy likes it, w/o Mommy doing any of the work.  ). 

I want my boys to grow up fully capable of taking care of their home and family. Even if they marry a woman who wants to be a stay at home mom and do all the house stuff, I want my boys fully capable of doing so and of picking up her slack if she is ill or otherwise can't do it all.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> VT, your 7 yr old can cook omelets? Do you supervise her when she does it? I want to teach both of my boys to cook, and they are 9 & 7, but I am terrified to let them near the stove just yet. They both have ADHD and I'm starting to strongly suspect my 7 yr old has a bit of a sensory integration issue as well. And I just can't help but picture them leaving something cooking on the stovetop and forgetting about it till it goes up in flames, or forgetting to use an oven mitt to remove something from the oven and then they'll have 50 degree burns or something. lol
> 
> Seriously, though, at what age did you start teaching her to cook and do you still supervise her? I'm trying to figure out if I'm being overprotective or doing the right thing here.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you're doing a great job.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> VT, your 7 yr old can cook omelets? Do you supervise her when she does it? I want to teach both of my boys to cook, and they are 9 & 7, but I am terrified to let them near the stove just yet.


Well the whole learning to cook thing was scaffolded. We did not just throw the pan at her and say, "go!" 

Daddy spent a bunch of time making omelets with her in which he showed her how to crack the eggs. How to mix it up in the bowl. Etcetera.

Close supervision the first bunch of times offered opportunities for correction, like don't reach over to adjust the element temperature or you could light your clothes on fire. Get the step stool...

For both the 7 yo girl and the 9 yo boy (who has been able to make omelets for a while), we stress the linage between responsibility and freedom. Want to have an omelet or crepes instead of cereal for breakfast? Then you need to show you are responsible not to light yourself or the house on fire. 

The same goes for just about all the activities in the house. You want to walk to the library by yourself? Demonstrate you can get there and back on time.... 





> They both have ADHD and I'm starting to strongly suspect my 7 yr old has a bit of a sensory integration issue as well. And I just can't help but picture them leaving something cooking on the stovetop and forgetting about it till it goes up in flames, or forgetting to use an oven mitt to remove something from the oven and then they'll have 50 degree burns or something.


Ahhhhhh that would not be good. My son probably has ADHD. As a home schooling family, we have had no need for a diagnosis. 

For him, the focus is on routine and habit. While my 7yo dd can do things with the end in mind, ds 9 has to do things in a certain sequence by habit. He has a mantra, do not walk away from the stove. He I supervise more directly. We also have a fire extinguisher Right There.

I don't have sensory processing disorder to contend with. Man that must blow.



> lol
> 
> Seriously, though, at what age did you start teaching her to cook and do you still supervise her? I'm trying to figure out if I'm being overprotective or doing the right thing here.


I don't need to supervise her at all. I am in the same room. She tells me which pan she needs, and I get it since she can't reach them. I have to remind her to clean up afterward though. 

My 9yo son I supervise more closely. 



> With all that said, I do the housecleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. But my boys do have chores. They both clean up their shared bedroom, put away their own clothes (and are now learning to fold them), clean up their stuff in the living room, dining room, etc., and recently, I started them on each cleaning the bathroom once a week (it gets cleaned twice...just the way Mommy likes it, w/o Mommy doing any of the work.  ).


My kids have similar chores. Tidy up rooms. Put their clothes in the laundry and clean clothes away...

They also stack wood, haul wood into the house, take down the garbage and recycle. They can dust, sweep and vacuum.

They have a list of extra chores that they can make money from (See Financial Peace University Jr. I had to play with that since i don't really believe in paying kids to be productive members of a family. So I don't want to pay them for the basics. So things that take significant effort for their age, they get paid for.)



> I want my boys to grow up fully capable of taking care of their home and family. Even if they marry a woman who wants to be a stay at home mom and do all the house stuff, I want my boys fully capable of doing so and of picking up her slack if she is ill or otherwise can't do it all.


No learning hurts. It causes the development of neural pathways regardless. Who knows, they could be working on math (measuring), science (change of state), fine motor skills... while they are doing their cooking, chores, whatever...


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Well the whole learning to cook thing was scaffolded. We did not just throw the pan at her and say, "go!"
> 
> Daddy spent a bunch of time making omelets with her in which he showed her how to crack the eggs. How to mix it up in the bowl. Etcetera.
> 
> ...


Oops, should have clarified. I know I have to teach them.  I just wonder, at what point in the teaching process, to start trusting them to do it on their own. I mean, it's one of those "they have all the knowledge, but do they know how to apply it and will they apply it?" kind of things, but the end result if they *don't* apply it could be rather...devastating, you know? 

As for the 7 yr old and the possible sensory integration/processing, it's not confirmed, and I'm still hopeful that I'm wrong. But there are a lot of things I'm seeing in him that are on the "checklist" of possible signs of it, so I'm thinking it's time to talk to the doctor and see if there's something there to check out. 

Thanks for filling me in on how you do things, though.  It was very helpful.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> Oops, should have clarified. I know I have to teach them.


I know that! I was joking around.



> I just wonder, at what point in the teaching process, to start trusting them to do it on their own. I mean, it's one of those "they have all the knowledge, but do they know how to apply it and will they apply it?" kind of things, but the end result if they *don't* apply it could be rather...devastating, you know?


Well I am not sure what horrible thing is going to happen if I am standing 4 feet away. Neither of my kids have a sensory processing disorder. So if they touch the burner, their brain stem will pull their hand away. We run it under cold water and we can bet our sweet bippy that that won't do THAT again.

But really, no one knows your children like you do. I can look at my daughter and say to myself, having explained why leaning over the burners is a bad idea, I know she is not going to do that. You know?




> As for the 7 yr old and the possible sensory integration/processing, it's not confirmed, and I'm still hopeful that I'm wrong. But there are a lot of things I'm seeing in him that are on the "checklist" of possible signs of it, so I'm thinking it's time to talk to the doctor and see if there's something there to check out.
> 
> Thanks for filling me in on how you do things, though.  It was very helpful.


I liked hearing from you as well!


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

This is too much!!!

My nine year old, she buggs us all the time to help make dinner and breakfast. If i let this child make eggs, she wouldn't just burn down our house, she'd burn down our entire neighborhood. It would be on the CNN cover page. Trust me on this, she could look at a glass of juice... and it will turn over and spill. Some things, for some children... is a "wait till they get much older approach."


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

OMG my DS is that way EXCEPT when he really wants something. This morning, while making breakfast, he dropped the butter on the floor and dumped TWO glasses.


----------

