# Theory on infidelity



## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Hi y'all,

My hubby and I dealt with an EA 2 years ago (not too serious, but serious in its effect on my trust of him), and we've mostly overcome it. 

I want to know what other couples have done to overcome affairs. Let's hear some *positive* success stories!

I have a tendency to be jealous with my hubby, but it helps when I remind myself that if he were to cheat on me, he'd be the idiot, not me. 

I reverse my jealous thoughts in my head: I imagine myself as the cheater, pandering to the superficial attention of another man, while I have this great guy at home. I really would feel like a cowardly idiot for not being able to deal with (in an adult, mature way) whatever issue propelled me to seek that attention in the first place. 

Any other ideas on how to curb jealousy and overcome emotional affairs?


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Create true intimacy. Spend time talking at night instead of watching TV.

No F*ckbook for either party! If people can quit smoking, they can detox from F*ckbook.

Have date night where each partner takes turns planning an exciting evening alone, and not with another couple.

Write eachother love letters often. Communicate about how offen one wants these letters and then meet that need. It would help to understand the 5 Love Languages and appeal to your partner's specific love language.

Lean to be the best lover you can be! Shower before bed. Shave or wax down there (and your face if you are a guy before bed). Experiment and try new things. Look into her/his eyes when you make love and tell them how you feel about them and their love making!

Compliment your spouse often, about their physical appearance, their parenting, their behavior.....

Save the affair questions for an appropriate time. The waiting may cause you to realize that the question isn't really that important and you may choose to not ask it.

Transparency goes both ways. Text her/him and let them know where you are. Also, be the affair partner you weren't. Send her/him naked pictures, sexy texts, dirty love letters....

Fake it till you make it! At some point, you will begin replacing bad memories with good ones. Put your best foot forward until this happens.

Goodluck.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Workingitout said:


> No F*ckbook for either party! If people can quit smoking, they can detox from F*ckbook.


I agree with everything else but this. We both have facebook,and while I would agree that having each others passwords, etc is a good thing, I don't think either of us should give up one major source of being able to communicate and see pictures of both our families.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My Story
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/18394-recovering-infidelity.html
To continue, I am now "dating" my wife and having a blast. We are like high school lovers again and it is fantastic!
I still have some negative thoughts from time to time, but they are fewer and farther between...


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## thetwoofus (Feb 17, 2011)

DanF said:


> My Story
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/18394-recovering-infidelity.html
> To continue, I am now "dating" my wife and having a blast. We are like high school lovers again and it is fantastic!
> I still have some negative thoughts from time to time, but they are fewer and farther between...


Nice one Dan
I feel the same
We are going through like when we met 15 years ago
It helps when you both can connect
of course you get the odd bad thought

But l said a while ago you take the responsibilty deal with it and l will help
after all i didnt do anything wrong


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

you can do a lot of things, but without living as one, you have nothing.

Husband and wife need to live life as an open book, take out the "me" factor and everything will be fine.

Keep facebook, but make sure you know eachothers passwords, get a shared email address or check eachothers emails. my wife and I have the same passwords for all our different accounts... except banking of course. 

I know it sounds like that is not trusting but I dont believe that married people need privacy in that way. Quite the opposite in fact. 

You can look at that one of two ways.. either "thats not trusting" or "that is really trusting". Maybe you forgot what it is like to have nothing to hide, but when you share everything as one body, mind and spirit... all doubt disappears. 

What i did to save my marriage was tough love in the begining, then opening the lines of communication, followed by creating a whole new set of positive memories... but none of that would be effective without living life as one.

Remember that it is only an invasion of privacy if there is something to invade.


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