# How ID signs of hope for recon. Can I ask for sex?



## bobsmith

The SO has been out for nearly a month. I thought there was hope when I asked her to go see a show with our kids a week after she left and she agreed but she canceled the day before. I have not tried again. 

I have tried to maintain minimal contact with her but obviously with kids, that is impossible. 

She admitted still loving me and I fit her profile as a lifetime partner but says "we don't know how to do that" and do not have the tools to fix us. 

Yesterday she stopped by (lives right down the street) because she saw my puppy of a few weeks out in the yard and wanted to see her. Call me an idiot but am I reading too much into that? 

She has certainly not had any communication about us at all, only the kids. She has left a key for her house here for my son so she must still trust me somewhat. 

I would honestly like to ask her for sex mostly because I know that is an area we connect and work well. I am not sure if that would push her away or get her mind working. I was hoping to just scratch that itch and NOT talk about the future but I think about a 70% chance she would decline. 

I just don't want to cause more problem because as of now, I am not begging, trying to talk, etc. Just existing and trying to work on kid issues. I was hoping she might ask me but that day might not come. I just know if she starts sleeping with someone else, I will likely be done.


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## COGypsy

Definitely reading too much into the puppy thing. Puppies are cute, especially when they're chewing up somebody else's shoes  All that means is that she wants to see the puppy. I don't know you from a hole in the wall and I would want to meet the puppy if I ran into you, you know? 

And no. I can't conceive of any approach on God's green earth that would make propositioning someone that has left you physically *and* emotionally seem anything other than pathetic, desperate and hard up. Good sex was clearly not enough to keep her around, so how on earth would it win her back?


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## Openminded

Didn't you post a similar thread? And the posts said don't ask for sex?


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## Hope1964

If you're that desperate for sex hire a hooker or pick someone up at the bar.


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## bobsmith

*Re: How ID signs of hope for recon.*

Well...Probably me still trying to see a ray of hope but the ex did stop in today along with our youngest. She casually sat down on the driveway and we just chatted about small stuff for about an hour while our youngest was riding his bike around. Basically just telling me about a children's birthday party they went to last night, etc. 

We have always talked about small stuff so well and it feels so comfortable. I told her I was firing up the smoker tomorrow and would make them some ribs since the kids were with her this weekend. She said she would send some other stuff over to put in there. 

She certainly does not seem to be running the other way but I also was not putting up a brick wall, just trying to be casual and cool.

ADD: I removed the part about asking for sex. It seems like a bad idea from my side. However, I know her well enough to know if she happens to ask me, she likely still has some feeling there. She can go get sex from someone else in 10min if she really had an itch.


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## Stretch

Bob,

You need to start moving on with your life. When she sees you living your life and enjoying your life, she'll be the one asking you for sex.

Strength is attractive, neediness is a killer.

Be strong brother, once you start moving on, you might find that R does not make much sense anymore or maybe it does, but you can decide with a clear head and a healed heart.

Stretch


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## bobsmith

Thanks for your thoughts. Seems like you are right and I need to try and accept it. She has had several communications over the past month that confuse me like "your everything I want in a life partner", and having me at her place for dinner. 

However, I have to try to realize part of the issue with our relationship is she never pursued me at all or gave me any feel good input. I guess if she cannot pursue and ask me after leaving, then nothing has changed or will change. 

I know in an accidental email that she just put a new order in on some personal sex toys. Not sure what to make of it but I know she does not have a new boy toy. I think she went to one of those toy parties last weekend. 

She does things like ask how our boys day was and how my day was. All things that I could give 2 sh**s about if we are done. My time with the boys, my day is none of her business. however, it is hard disconnecting from someone that you have always talked with so well. Sort of like shunning for best friend for no reason.


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## Stretch

Just be careful about being in limbo or in a holding pattern. It seems to me that too many of the WAS give some sort of hope, usually the Plan B motivation, make some sort of half hearted attempt and then just call it quits.

While you have been slapped in the face with enough reality lately, if that's what happens, it is my hope that you are on a path to see it as a bump rather than another spear through your heart.

These times are for us to build a foundation of self that can survive crisis and continuously look towards the future with hope and optimism.

You take care,
Stretch


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