# i don't love my wife anymore



## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

hello, 
i'm a 26 years Egyptian Airline Pilot, 
19 months ago i met an Egyptian girl who lives in Amsterdam, we really liked each other, 5 months later we decided to marry, we married 10 months after we met each other, i admit it was a fast decision which i regret now ( this is my second marriage as my first one failed and my spouse was the reason ) , and now that we have been married for 19 months, i really feel that i don't love her anymore, she has been working in Amsterdam for the last 2 months and im living in Egypt, for work issues i couldn't go and visit her for the last 2 months, i had this feeling after 4 months of marriage till now, i realized that i liked someone, and married someone else ! she completely changed after marriage to the worse ! in everything ! before marriage i thought she is very smart, very open minded, kinda romantic, but after marriage ! everything changed, even in sex, she is so aggressive and violent in a really disturbing way, ive asked her many many times to change her way so we can have intimacy, passion and a romantic moment during our sex life, and she never listens, even about cleaning the house and stuff like that, she rarely does it, the house is always a mess unless we have visitors, i've asked her many times about it, she also never listens, she always asks and wants to know everything about my financial situation , this is a good thing but not the way she does it, i feel she is controlling it in a way or another, also i've told her in a very nice way many times to stop it, and i can handle it all and not to worry, she never listens, we had the honeymoon of dreams, which costed me like 5000$ bali, kuala lumpur, and gili, 2 months after marriage we traveled to Zanzibar, 2 places in Egypt, and she never gets enough, sometimes she tells me we have to save money, but 2 seconds after that she asks me to plan a trip to an exotic place ! the big problem is we have been fighting really bad for the last 3 months, we've been fighting since a month before she left to Amsterdam for work, and now, i don't miss her at all, i feel that i lost all my feelings towards her, and i feel the same from her, and she just confessed that before, we couldn't stay a day without talking, but now both of us can stay for a week without talking which is bad from both sides, im seriously thinking in divorce but the guilt is ****ing me up because i know marriage was a very fast decision to be taken in 5 months, this will be my second divorce and as we are arab muslims, this is not good for her at all, this is a bad thing, thats why guilt is ****ing me up , she is arriving tomorrow back from Amsterdam, and iam not happy at all that she is coming, actually im feeling miserable, i don't know how will i stay with her in the same home, sleep on the same bed . keep in mind that i think we have never loved each other from the beginning and i think it all was just that we like each other . 
please tell me what to do  im full of regrets .


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## Ernst (Jan 12, 2011)

Perhaps you should seriously consider to propose a divorce to her. 

Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

If you are both miserable, it sounds like divorce is a reasonable option.

If you feel like you moved too fast this time, slow down next time. Maybe wait at least a year to propose.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old is she?

I think that the two of you made a mistake and need to get a divorce.

You can help her by letting people know that she did nothing wrong. It's just that you married too soon before getting to know each other. And that you both now find that it was the wrong decision.


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

she is 25 years


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bair737 , What does your Imam say with regards to this matter?


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

Didnt ask any


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bair737 said:


> Didnt ask any


Well, if you want a valid divorce, you are going to have to ask one and probably pretty soon, I think.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Islam generally has no fault divorce. Wouldn't it be easy to get?


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

divorce in Islam is fine, i just don't want to be or feel guilty , she is coming back tomorrow and iam really afraid of how iam going to act


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Who in your real life can you depend on as a good person to give you support? You need to talk to someone. 

Does she have any family there where you live? Could she go stay somewhere else? Or maybe you go stay with your family and let her have your place while she is in town.

How long is she staying there? Will she return to where she works? Or is she back permanently?


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

I've my mother who supports me, but she is asking me to give her a second chance, and as she is an old school mum, she thinks that loosing feelings doesn't destroy marriage, i've a very close friend and he told me to give her a second chance as well but he thinks that we will eventually divorce . 
she is permanently back, she has some relatives here but like 2 hours far from where we live, but what is the point of letting her go stay somewhere else? she left her work in Amsterdam 3 months earlier than planned so she can come and stay with me ( as she thinks that distance is the reason for what happened while i don't believe in that because everything started before she even leaves ) so she will refuse the idea to go stay somewhere else, note that her parents live in Amsterdam .


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bair737 said:


> divorce in Islam is fine, i just don't want to be or feel guilty , she is coming back tomorrow and iam really afraid of how iam going to act


Could you get counselling? Perhaps through your company?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

Through my company ? You mean where i work ? Counselling for what ?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Bair737 said:


> Through my company ? You mean where i work ? Counselling for what ?


Marriage counseling. Some companies offer insurance coverage for counseling whether it's marriage or individual counseling.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Marriage counseling. Some companies offer insurance coverage for counseling whether it's marriage or individual counseling.


Yes, that's what I am thinking.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Yes, that's what I am thinking.


May not be a good idea for future employment in his field to see anyone remotely related to mental health...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What was wrong with your first wife?


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

Actually my company doesn't offer anything related to this, 
And for my first wife, long story thou, but in brief i was decieved as she was a gold digger .


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You sound like that's what you think your current wife is.

In what way did your first wife turn out to be a gold digger? Specifically?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bair737 said:


> I've my mother who supports me, but she is asking me to give her a second chance, and as she is an old school mum, she thinks that loosing feelings doesn't destroy marriage, i've a very close friend and he told me to give her a second chance as well but he thinks that we will eventually divorce .
> she is permanently back, she has some relatives here but like 2 hours far from where we live, but what is the point of letting her go stay somewhere else? she left her work in Amsterdam 3 months earlier than planned so she can come and stay with me ( *as she thinks that distance is the reason for what happened while i don't believe in that because everything started before she even leaves *) so she will refuse the idea to go stay somewhere else, note that her parents live in Amsterdam .


Living apart and kill a marriage very quickly. It breaks the connection that spouses have for each other. Had you been together, you two could have worked to fix things. But nothing can be fixed when you are part and you grow more distant.

Have you told her very clearly what your issues are?

Is there another woman that you are interested in?


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

For my first wife, everyone was warning me from her and i didnt listen, i was very young for marriage ( 21 ) and she was 25 , 
And for my current wife, yes ive told her my issues clearly ( of course not like what i said her ) , and she is back now, im trying to be nice but im afraid im faking it, but i will do my best


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

And no there are no other women im interested in, actually i made a promise to my self that if i divorce this time, ill never gonna marry again .


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

But what did your first wife DO that caused you to divorce her?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Bair737 said:


> I've my mother who supports me, but she is asking me to give her a second chance, and as she is an old school mum, she thinks that loosing feelings doesn't destroy marriage,


That's a very old school approach. That love comes secondary to maintaining the relationship.

Your young and its OKAY to make mistakes when you are young. Don't feel guilty about it, consider it a LIFE lesson.

If you are truly out of love with this woman, far better to break it off NOW then in 20 years. 

You were impulsive and you rushed into marriage. It happens all the time. Is an annulment an option for you?!?

You are going to have to have a TOUGH conversation with her but the truth is best for both of you even if it hurts her in the short term.

Good Luck.


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

I noticed many times that she stole money from me, and when i talked with her about it she denied it all, a week later she left the house and took all the precious things in the house that she can take with her .


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## Bair737 (Sep 13, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> Bair737 said:
> 
> 
> > I've my mother who supports me, but she is asking me to give her a second chance, and as she is an old school mum, she thinks that loosing feelings doesn't destroy marriage,
> ...


This is what im exactly thinking about, if i don't do it now im sure ill do it in 10-20 years, so better now than later, i will make up my mind and think deeply if i do love her or not just to be 100% sure of my decision, then i will talk to her just like you said sir, 
Wish me luck and wish me i can think correctly and make a decision as soon as possible, thanks again .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The OP's user name has been changed from his real name to Bair737. I edited all the posts that quoted him to change his user name on here to Bair737.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bair737, hope things go as well as possible for you and your wife. It sounds like you two are just not compatable, not that either of you is a bad person or has done anything terribly wrong.

You say that if you do end up divorcing her, you will never marry again. That's highly unlikely since most people do. You married far too young and too hastily both times. So give yourself more time to mature. Date a woman for at least 1 year before engagement and 2 years before marriage. That gives time for the chemical high of 'infatuation' to subside and for her to show any character flaws before you are married.


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## Sephirox (Sep 18, 2016)

If you honestly do not feel an ounce of love for her whatsoever and have no desire of working it out through marriage counseling of couples counseling then honestly the only option for you would be divorce. However, like another poster suggested, there is an option of going to counseling together to try and rekindle that love, however the ball is in your court and if you feel like this is an option you want to pursue, go ahead and do so.


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