# Your advice please



## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

I joined this site about a month ago - while H was working away. We'd had an awful time before he went so I came here for advice and gained a lot from reading through many of the threads. Thank you all. I decided to try and 'woman up' and give it my best shot when he returned. He's been home now for 4 days and we are getting along very well - there's no bad atmosphere or bickering etc. However, sex is just not happening, we go through all the motions - he tries very hard to please me but is unable to maintain an erection for penetrative sex. He says it is not me at all - says it with sensitivity and sincerity in his voice but I know that he is using porn and masturbating with no problem (he does this privately). His choice of porn is exclusively teenage girls/lesbians rather than couples sex. I feel that its time I accepted the fact that he is probably just 'not that into me' - fair enough if he likes young teens - I am over 40! Should I just give up on sex forever!


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. Would he be up to going to counseling with you? Do you want to try and salvage things or do you feel its just not worth the effort. He sounds like he has a problem. Unfortunately, he may not see that he does. So the question would be, how long to do you hold out in hopes he sees the light and gets some help to work on things?


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## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

Thanks Trey. No counseling is not an option - porn is his solution and it is a solitary activity for him.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

eli said:


> Thanks Trey. No counseling is not an option - porn is his solution and it is a solitary activity for him.


How about you? Would you consider going for yourself? Maybe a professional can help steer you in a better direction on the issue.


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## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

Thanks again Trey
I hadn't thought about that - I would be happy to go but it would upset H and I would not want to do anything behind his back - perhaps it would be good for him if I did? I will think on this. I would find it hard to talk about H to a stranger but I suppose they are trained to help with that too. Would i look in the yellow pages under marriage counselor? I'm in europe.


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## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

Hey star
I am mostly in the UK.


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## Sad_in_NY (Jun 23, 2010)

From a man's point of view...

So he is a fan of lesbian/teen porn which you admittedly are neither, does not have the ability to maintain his erection for you, will not seek counseling for this and you feel that you will be "going behind his back" if you seek counseling? 

There are plenty of reasons men masturbate to porn, many of which do not lead to the exclusion of a healthy sex life with their partner. This seems to have led to that point and needs to be fixed. Counseling seems to be the only option. 

Perhaps now he is worrying/pressing? Could you initiate in the AM while his soldier is at attention? (My wife's personal fave time, very little prep for her and plenty of reward)


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

see my answers (2) in this thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/22324-somebody-tell-me-what-going.html

It's the same problem as the other woman's husband has.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

eli said:


> Thanks Trey. No counseling is not an option - porn is his solution and it is a solitary activity for him.


Why is this not an option?

Just do not approach it as strictly about this issue. Approach it as a marriage needing a tune up.

I am positive you can broach the subject amongst the others.

I am also positive that there is more to your marriage troubles than this. some of which you bring to the table, others he would.


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