# Saw hubby looking at swinger forum



## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids….


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Assuming he is not actually trying to get with other people, you are in your right to divorce simply on how he mistreats you. 

if you do want to remain with him with even the slightest bit of health and happiness, you need to shock his ass into a big wake up call and get him into some serious marriage counseling and get him to wake up and treat you better if he wants to remain with you.

him looking at porn or checking out swinger ads is but one twinkling little star in a constellation of serious issues.

the real problem is you’re probably not going to get his attention or get him to pay attention and actually change his attention until you blow something up.

you’ll probably have to actually separate and serve him papers that spell out in black and white numbers exactly what it will cost him to continue down this path.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Mnxxiong said:


> Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids….


Wow this is terrible. And I'm not even talking about the swingers page!
That man has zero respect for you as a woman, or as his wife and mother of his kids.

Do you want them growing up acting like him?

And yea...the swinging thing looks bad too.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I will also add that I was in the swinging lifestyle for about 10 years and was on a variety of swinger sites and forums. 
The vast majority of guys on there are just dreamers and wannabes and guys who watch too much porn and think they can get on there and find some porn chick that will blow them out of the blue.

a lot just want to check out pictures. Some couples are there to see if they can find any nakey pictures of their neighbors.

a few are tire kickers trying to see if they can work up the courage to actually do it.

And there are a good number that do give a try but fail and aren’t able to actually make it happen because they don’t have the temperament or the social and relationship skills to connect with other people while still maintaining a marriage. And quite a few guys are just too fat and unattractive to actually attract any women in the lifestyle.

my honest guestimation is that probably less than 10-15% of the people on any given swinger website or forum are actually bona fide active swingers that are actually meeting people and having any sort of actual sex.

the rest are dreamers and wannabes and nonhackers.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I will add one more thing, the actual bona fide swingers on those sites that have actually been in the field, can smell assholes like the OP’s husband a mile away and avoid them like the plague.

and they will also blacklist them and warn their friends about them if they do come across them.

I’ve even known a couple people that if some guy tries to contact them and they suspect he’s trying to scam his wife or pull something over on them, they will try to track down his wife and rat him out. 

people like the OP’s husband are considered the scourge on swinger websites.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mnxxiong said:


> Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids….


You might want to look into your legal recourse in the case of a divorce without consulting him.

After all, he didn't communicate with you about swinging..


Maybe it's nothing but curiosity but his poor treatment of you is concerning and lends credence to his intentions about swinging.

Cover your bases and protect yourself and your children just in case.

Romantic women are a treasure and I'm so sorry your husband seemingly has squandered and disrespected his good fortune.
Women, who are romantic about their husbands, are high value women.

You have great worth. Please take measures to protect yourself and your children just in case.


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I will also add that I was in the swinging lifestyle for about 10 years and was on a variety of swinger sites and forums.
> The vast majority of guys on there are just dreamers and wannabes and guys who watch too much porn and think they can get on there and find some porn chick that will blow them out of the blue.
> 
> a lot just want to check out pictures. Some couples are there to see if they can find any nakey pictures of their neighbors.
> ...


thank you, it’s been a couple days now and Ive clear my head a bit im pretty sure it is as what you are saying that he just fantasizing about it in the middle of the night and being on these forums cuz he is horny ect.. ( note we havent sleep together ever since 3 years now because i have 3 little ones sleeping with me on the king bed so he is sleeping in the other room plus he snores and need the fan on even if the ac is on it’s a habit so we havent really sleep together since.) with his hurtful remarks i barely care to approach him for sex as why should i? if he find me unattractive like i gave birth 6 months ago plus 3 other small kids and i barely have time to work out… the thjng that hurts the most still would be that he even have thoughts of it or fantasies makes me sick and have not look at him the same.. plus it would be a embarrassment to his family if he secretly does this and cheat on me ill be sure to tell his family the truth.


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> You might want to look into your legal recourse in the case of a divorce without consulting him.
> 
> After all, he didn't communicate with you about swinging..
> 
> ...


 Thank you for this.. i cry after reading this because it’s so hard to keep it in and not tell anyone and thank you for making me feel special 😢😢😢


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Wow this is terrible. And I'm not even talking about the swingers page!
> That man has zero respect for you as a woman, or as his wife and mother of his kids.
> 
> Do you want them growing up acting like him?
> ...


Thanks, im kind of stuck at the moment bwing a sahm looking for work again planning to get my own separate bank account and get myself being independent again and prepare if we ever separate..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mnxxiong said:


> Thank you for this.. i cry after reading this because it’s so hard to keep it in and not tell anyone and thank you for making me feel special 😢😢😢


In this barbarian's experience, you are special. Hoping the best for you.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Mnxxiong said:


> Thanks, im kind of stuck at the moment bwing a sahm looking for work again planning to get my own separate bank account and get myself being independent again and prepare if we ever separate..


Definitely get your own bank account, you can do that right away.

You should also check on women's shelters and churches in your area that might provide assistance to you.

I agree with @ConanHub , you are special.

Don't let terrible people like your husband tell you (or treat you) differently. It's a lie straight from hell.

Get help for yourself right away and take good care of those babies.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mnxxiong said:


> Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids….


I think maybe it's time that you showed your kids that they shouldn't put up with bad behavior from their spouse. And if there's just nothing left there except him being critical and cheating, probably the best thing you can model for them in that situation is leaving. Otherwise they learn they can either do anything and get away with it or that they should put up with anything. 

Sorry you're in a bad situation.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> I will also add that I was in the swinging lifestyle for about 10 years and was on a variety of swinger sites and forums.
> The vast majority of guys on there are just dreamers and wannabes and guys who watch too much porn and think they can get on there and find some porn chick that will blow them out of the blue.
> 
> a lot just want to check out pictures. Some couples are there to see if they can find any nakey pictures of their neighbors.
> ...


I admit a part of me is curious about finding a FWB for the purpose of joining in the fun. Another swinger friend mentioned to go in with a female.

Not attached anymore so I can do what I want, but now you make it sound so bleh


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> I admit a part of me is curious about finding a FWB for the purpose of joining in the fun. Another swinger friend mentioned to go in with a female.
> 
> Not attached anymore so I can do what I want, but now you make it sound so bleh


You'd have a million times more luck on a regular single's dating site or app or going out and meeting people in real life. Single men trying to hook up in the swing lifestyle are not even as popular as industrial sludge. 

That's why I don't think the OP's husband is anything more than a dreamer and a choad.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> You'd have a million times more luck on a regular single's dating site or app or going out and meeting people in real life. *Single men trying to hook up in the swing lifestyle are not even as popular as industrial sludge. *
> 
> That's why I don't think the OP's husband is anything more than a dreamer and a choad.


Exactly why my swinger friend told me to bring a female lol

I'm more curious of this out of boredom, I'll likely not even go in unless I'm drunk 😅


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Exactly why my swinger friend told me to bring a female lol


Guys try that and it rarely works. Once people find out you're not an actual couple (and they will) they will try to get with her and will probably even ask you to leave.... but have her stay. 

And why would any gal want to be some other guy's ticket? A woman has more options and opportunities on her own. 

That's why the OP's husband is just dreaming and doesn't really stand a chance.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> Guys try that and it rarely works. Once people find out you're not an actual couple (and they will) they will try to get with her and will probably even ask you to leave.... but have her stay.
> 
> And why would any gal want to be some other guy's ticket? A woman has more options and opportunities on her own.
> 
> That's why the OP's husband is just dreaming and doesn't really stand a chance.


Hey it was my (female) swinger friend who suggested it 

Of course it wouldn't be a girl just for a ticket, but a FWB who shares the interest who is also curious about ENM. 
Not saying to grab one and immediately take her there, but if the opportunity ever presented itself, who knows.

But if it's that uninviting than probably not lol


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Maybe I misread 😳...You haven't had sex with your husband for 3yrs ?

Just playing devils advocate. What exactly do you expect him to do ? Just remain in a sexless marriage ? 

Maybe he was just looking at swing sites just to curb his appetite. ?

His treatment of you is absolutely 💯 % wrong. 

Yet I wonder , is his treatment of you , a symptom of a sexless marriage?

Seems like a lot more is going on in your marriage than you have stated 🤔


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Mnxxiong said:


> Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. *i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me* as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids….


Ah, so you're falling out of love with the guy and want us to validate your "feelings"? As a man, I can tell you that the reason your man even contemplates watching porn or looking at swinger sites is because he is not getting enough sex. Are you really "fat"? Or, at least, are you in bad health to the point that it affects your sex life?


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Mnxxiong said:


> Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids….


Why do you think he wants you in all of this???
Looks to me like he is looking for ways to sleep with other women (and men?). 

What you describe doesn't sound he is into you. 
The way he treats you tells me you should work ob leaving him and not bother about his online sexual activity.

Don't fool yourself believing your problems in marriage or bed are based on him wanting to become a swinger and that he still loves you and that he is dreaming about you participating in it.

There is nothing to approach except starting to accept 'he isn't into you' anymore. Has nothing to do with his interest in swinging.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mnxxiong said:


> . ( note we havent sleep together ever since 3 years now because i have 3 little ones sleeping with me on the king bed so he is sleeping in the other room plus he snores and need the fan on even if the ac is on it’s a habit so we havent really sleep together since.) with his hurtful remarks i barely care to approach him for sex as why should i? if he find me unattractive like i gave birth 6 months ago plus 3 other small kids and i barely have time to work out… the thjng that hurts the most still would be that he even have thoughts of it or fantasies makes me sick and have not look at him the same.. plus it would be a embarrassment to his family if he secretly does this and cheat on me ill be sure to tell his family the truth.


As I said above, you have serious structural issues in your marriage for which him scoping out sex sites is just another drop in the bucket. 

what is it you are wanting to accomplish here?

are you wanting advice on what to do to improve your situation?

Or are you wanting people to tell you how great you are and how bad he is, but not actually do anything about your situation?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Jimi007 said:


> Maybe I misread 😳...You haven't had sex with your husband for 3yrs ?
> 
> Just playing devils advocate. What exactly do you expect him to do ? Just remain in a sexless marriage ?
> 
> ...


I agree with @Jimi007. Not sleeping together for 3 years then complaining because he is having swinger fantasies? Perhaps he is treating you the way he does because he is frustrated that you have him in a sexless marriage. Get the babies out of your bed and bring your husband back in where he belongs. You are reaping what you sow lady.


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

Jimi007 said:


> Maybe I misread 😳...You haven't had sex with your husband for 3yrs ?
> 
> Just playing devils advocate. What exactly do you expect him to do ? Just remain in a sexless marriage ?
> 
> ...


We do have sex when we find the time for it but its not me it’s him he only last like a min or 2 every time and when i want more he already explode and done with.. we just dont sleep in the same bed for 3 years with little ones being terrible sleepers and all so i coshare bed with my kids.. when i try to be sexy and flash my
Boobs and come at him he makes hurtful comment like im not interested ur too fat.. beside im not even that big im 152 pound a little chubby but not severe overweight.. like i said if u gonna act like that towards me ill stop trying to please u . But if he wants it he comes at me for a min or 2 to get explode.. like i said he has narcissistic signs he expect me to have a small stomach ( gave birth 6 months ago ) but he also has a big stomach too and when i said how u gonna tell me i have a big stomach and im trying to lose from having birth 6 months ago and ur stomach is big too his reponse was “ well cuz im a man a woman should have a nice body..


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

BoSlander said:


> Ah, so you're falling out of love with the guy and want us to validate your "feelings"? As a man, I can tell you that the reason your man even contemplates watching porn or looking at swinger sites is because he is not getting enough sex. Are you really "fat"? Or, at least, are you in bad health to the point that it affects your sex life?


Im 152 lb and a little chubby only not severly overweight medically his expectation is i should look like a skinny model. Note these are all narcissistic characterastic from him expect me to look like a model. I do sneek in the middle of the night to make him satisfied we are happy when he is happy and when he is mad for stuff i dint even know he gives me silent treatment for a week or act all piss for a couple days..im not falling out of love with him i just have to let it out as im heading towards thinking of going to therapy for my own mental health..


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> As I said above, you have serious structural issues in your marriage for which him scoping out sex sites is just another drop in the bucket.
> 
> what is it you are wanting to accomplish here?
> 
> ...


I just need advice, and sharing my heart out as it’s so hard to keep it in , i cant tell my friends or sister cuz this is not something we Comfortable discuss about in my culture..I m thinking to get therapy for my own mental health i dont want this kind of emotional abuse to continue..


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Mnxxiong said:


> Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids….


As far as his swinger use goes, that just may be fantasy on his part. However, everything else that you have told us suggests that you are better off without him than with him. I would make plans on leaving the marriage, even if you have to give up some share of the property in order to get out.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Mnxxiong said:


> Im 152 yo and a little chubby only not severly overweight medically his expectation is i should look like a skinny model. Note these are all narcissistic characterastic from him expect me to look like a model. I do sneek in the middle of the night to make him satisfied we are happy when he is happy and when he is mad for stuff i dint even know he gives me silent treatment for a week or act all piss for a couple days..im not falling out of love with him i just have to let it out as im heading towards thinking of going to therapy for my own mental health..


Is he in tip-top shape? And furthermore, is he making the (most) money in the relationship?


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

Diceplayer said:


> I agree with @Jimi007. Not sleeping together for 3 years then complaining because he is having swinger fantasies? Perhaps he is treating you the way he does because he is frustrated that you have him in a sexless marriage. Get the babies out of your bed and bring your husband back in where he belongs. You are reaping what you sow lady.


 Not sleeping together at night doesn't mean we dont have sex, i sneek in the room when kids are alseep.. but with 4 kids all 7and under its hard to do anything and with the body shaming would u expect me to change myself for my husband, no if you talk bad to me like that im not losing weight to satisfy you.. im losing weight for myself and my kids..Plus even if the little ones are not in our bed he has bad snoring problems and needs the fan on loud all the time that it’s hard to sleep with him as i get allergy and easily get sick from dust and the cold.. it is his ideal not mine..


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

BoSlander said:


> Is he in tip-top shape? And furthermore, is he making the (most) money in the relationship?


He is Medium built with no muscle, a round stomach no abs, not consider fat or chubby it’s like he looks average with a round stomach…. He is our breadwinner atm until i get my car than ill start doing side gig....


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

UAArchangel said:


> As far as his swinger use goes, that just may be fantasy on his part. However, everything else that you have told us suggests that you are better off without him than with him. I would make plans on leaving the marriage, even if you have to give up some share of the property in order to get out.


after a couple days to clear my head , yes sounds like it might be a fantasy but im a hopeless romantics and with him having these fantasy it hurts to even think he has fantasy like this… the man i fell in love with has totally change completely.. i love him but he seen like a whole diff person..


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Mnxxiong said:


> He is Medium built with no muscle, a round stomach no abs, not consider fat or chubby it’s like he looks average with a round stomach…. He is our breadwinner atm until i get my car than ill start doing side gig....


Ok so... you need to do some introspection here... He makes the money in the house and is average build. You, on the other hand, are overweight, do not work and somehow, someway believe you "deserve" more.

How do you think your husband would feel if he were to find out his wife was in a marriage forum complaining about him watching swingers porn? All the while withholding sex because, let me guess, you're "tired"?


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

BoSlander said:


> Ok so... you need to do some introspection here... He makes the money in the house and is average build. You, on the other hand, are overweight, do not work and somehow, someway believe you "deserve" more.
> 
> How do you think your husband would feel if he were to find out his wife was in a marriage forum complaining about him watching swingers porn? All the while withholding sex because, let me guess, you're "tired"?


Ok??? Im not expecting more from him im expecting him to treat me with respect! How do you please someone if they just keep shutting you down and calling u fat ect..when i was 120lb it’s all
Good and lovey dovey and when i birth 4 kids in a 7 year span and too busy to keep up with my weight than u think he should treat me like that.. im not gonna come to him to please him if he treat me this way and if its because of this he on swinger porn site he don’t deserve me or the kids.. if he wants to come at me for sex im fine with it ill have sex but im not going to come at him unless he change his way….


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## Kput (3 mo ago)

Maybe just a cheap thrill by looking at the site I have visited fetlife in the past but it was no more that a visit same as reading on line erotic stuff.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Why do you keep having kids with someone who treats you badly?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Oh wait...so we're going to blame OP now for her husband treating her badly; calling her names and hurting her feelings? Is that the game?

What a bunch of bs.

@Mnxxiong ignore the useless noise going on here.

The simple fact is that no matter how much you weigh or if you work or not, you don't deserve to be shamed for it. (Here or in your marriage).

Every relationship has plenty of blame to go around on both sides but a common ground should be mutual respect and decent treatment, and ideally, a loving environment.

From your description, you're giving him what he needs, but in return he's treating you poorly and has expectations of you that you can't meet.
Some here say, 'well he needs a skinny & working wife so this is all your fault' Yea, that's genius. 🤮

Put the babies in their own room, you know they belong there. You have to make room for your husband in your bed.
Try to come to an agreement about that in spite of the snoring and fan issues.

Get your husband into counseling. He needs to clearly hear the problems that he's causing from his treatment of you. Looking at porn or swinger sites might be a just fantasy but if you're not ok with it, then that needs to stop too. Stand up for yourself and what you will tolerate in your life.

And again, consider your children and the model parents they have.
Do you want them to grow up thinking this is normal?
Make some changes asap! If you can't change things with hubby, then do it without him.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Mnxxiong said:


> Ok??? Im not expecting more from him im expecting him to treat me with respect! How do you please someone if they just keep shutting you down and calling u fat ect..when i was 120lb it’s all
> Good and lovey dovey and when i birth 4 kids in a 7 year span and too busy to keep up with my weight than u think he should treat me like that.. im not gonna come to him to please him if he treat me this way and if its because of this he on swinger porn site he don’t deserve me or the kids.. if he wants to come at me for sex im fine with it ill have sex but im not going to come at him unless he change his way….


I honestly believe the swinger porn is your weird mental way of absolving yourself of the pain you're about to inflict on your family.

Overweight, unemployed and with kids? You're about to essentially socially cripple your children with your decision.

It would be much easier for you to lose the weight, find a job and find a way to love your husband.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

I read loads of crazy sex forum stuff lol. Doesn't mean much. If you're going to make a big deal out of something trivial, imagine what you'd do when he actually does something bad lol. Who cares?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mnxxiong said:


> im not falling out of love with him i just have to let it out as im heading towards thinking of going to therapy for my own mental health..


Your husband is a turd, you don’t deserve that kind of crap from him at all. So for your sake, you would do well to fall out of love with him.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

@ BeyondRepair007


> Oh wait...so we're going to blame OP now for her husband treating her badly; calling her names and hurting her feelings? Is that the game?


No, no, it's not about blame... sometimes there isn't a better answer. Sometimes "be a better wife/husband!" *IS* the answer.

It's clear that the OP is here seeking to get her feelings validated. HE is clearly fulfilling his side of the contract, which is to provide and protect.

SHE ISN'T. She is here looking for excuses and her "feelings" (whatever that is) and his porn watching activities are The Excuse. What she is trying to do is freaking awful.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> It's clear that the OP is here seeking to get her feelings validated. HE is clearly fulfilling his side of the contract, which is to provide and protect.


We disagree on this. Providing and protecting is not adequate for a marriage. It’s one small piece of it..the barebones essentials.

Women (and men) need to feel needed, loved, and appreciated/respected, at least on some level. And there needs to be some harmony in the household. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the man to lead the way in having this environment, while also providing and protecting.

Her husband is a turd and she’s living in a hostile environment.

I agree with your point about OP having part of the blame in relationship problems, that’s true of all marital issues. It’s never 100% one-sided (exceptions for infidelity and abuse).

But one can’t even begin to work on other issues if the environment is crap to begin with and hubby is doesn’t have the basics of being a good husband. He would just take advantage of her good nature if she bent over backwards even further.

OP does need to have her feelings validated. That’s exactly why every poster makes an OP. They need some more eyes on their situation and external thoughts about the way forward. This OP is no different.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> We disagree on this. Providing and protecting is not adequate for a marriage. It’s one small piece of it..the barebones essentials.
> 
> Women (and men) need to feel needed, loved, and appreciated/respected, at least on some level. And there needs to be some harmony in the household. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the man to lead the way in having this environment, while also providing and protecting.
> 
> ...


And what do you think is going to happen to her if she keeps going down this path? She's overweight, with kids and no job. She's going down the wrong path, effectively setting the stage to morphing into a walkaway wife.

My opinion is that she has to become a better wife: lose the weight, get a job and become a pillar in the marriage. Don't dump everything on the husband and then withhold sex. That is a recipe for matrimonial disaster. We males know that when our wives tune out the sex, it drives us crazy and WE begin to act up. Which probably explains his behavior. Having a high level of testosterone makes you yell at stop signs... The wives can and do regulate these levels with a decent amount of sexual activity. Without sex, the wife become the stop sign.

Her marriage is *EASILY* recoverable. There's no adultery... he doesn't have "special friends," doesn't do drugs or is an alcoholic. They both, BUT SPECIALLY HER, have to be better husbands/wives. 

And then let's not forget about the kids. The kids have a better chance of not becoming socially crippled if both of the parents work things out. Not only that, if they both work it out, the kids will grow up knowing that 1) they will have fights with people they love and 2) they can negotiate common ground and 3) they can reach an agreement that makes the entire family better. A VERY valuable lesson.


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## Mnxxiong (2 mo ago)

Thanks everyone for all the advice , suggestions and thoughts . I know I am not perfect but i do love my husband and yes there are 2 side to our problems.. All i ask is just respect from him ive been telling him but he just doesnt care.. like i said im not withhelding any sex from him i just am not approching him anymore if he wants it we can do it.. I am trying to lose weight but not for him i will never let a man shut me down to lose wieght for him i will lose weight for myself to be healthy for my kids..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mnxxiong said:


> thank you, it’s been a couple days now and Ive clear my head a bit im pretty sure it is as what you are saying that he just fantasizing about it in the middle of the night and being on these forums cuz he is horny ect.. ( note we havent sleep together ever since 3 years now because i have 3 little ones sleeping with me on the king bed so he is sleeping in the other room plus he snores and need the fan on even if the ac is on it’s a habit so we havent really sleep together since.) with his hurtful remarks i barely care to approach him for sex as why should i? if he find me unattractive like i gave birth 6 months ago plus 3 other small kids and i barely have time to work out… the thjng that hurts the most still would be that he even have thoughts of it or fantasies makes me sick and have not look at him the same.. plus it would be a embarrassment to his family if he secretly does this and cheat on me ill be sure to tell his family the truth.


Uh oh. The foundations of your marriage are all messed up.

You two need to prioritize putting each other and your intimacy back in place.

You should not be sleeping with your children regardless of "reasons".

My wife stirs a lot and I can sometimes bring the house down with my snoring but our bedroom has always been our holy place and we work out our problems together.

I understand why you are looking at him differently now but don't you think he has been looking differently at you?

3 years not sleeping together and you are with the kids?

That's a very unhealthy dynamic for your marriage.


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