# I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home



## GregPeters

Hi,
I already did a thread that I was thinking my wife have an emotional affair.

I installed a spy software in my wife phone and I got the answer.

Today I heard her telephone calls and tracked her with the gps and yes she cheated on me.

They went meet in a hotel for a sauna. During the time she was with this guy I called her and asked her where is she and she replied I am at work.

Anyway, there are a lot more in the phone calls.

Now I am waiting my wife to come home, how I am going to tackle her?

I am so down, without energy and feel calm. I feel so betrayed.


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## keko

Sorry to hear Greg,

Did you print out your recordings?


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## GregPeters

keko said:


> Sorry to hear Greg,
> 
> Did you print out your recordings?


yes everything is saved.

She dont know I know about this


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## Shaggy

GregPeters said:


> Hi,
> I already did a thread that I was thinking my wife have an emotional affair.
> 
> I installed a spy software in my wife phone and I got the answer.
> 
> Today I heard her telephone calls and tracked her with the gps and yes she cheated on me.
> 
> They went meet in a hotel for a sauna. During the time she was with this guy I called her and asked her where is she and she replied I am at work.
> 
> Anyway, there are a lot more in the phone calls.
> 
> Now I am waiting my wife to come home, how I am going to tackle her?
> 
> I am so down, without energy and feel calm. I feel so betrayed.


You want to expose it ASAP.

Do you know the OM? Does he have a wife/gf? If he does find her and tell her.

Do they work together?

Do you have kids? If not then I suggest you drop a note saying simply "How could you? I'll gone for a few days, please do not try and contact me." and go dark on her. Leave, check into a hotel in nearby city, and go dark for a couple of days.

When you've gathered yourself then contact the OMW/GF and after that return home.


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## keko

You can just lay it out in front of her and leave the room.

Just so you know at first she is going to deny, then once she realizes you have enough evidence she is going to shift the blame to you. For both dont listen to her and look free of emotions, cold as a mofo.

If you are sharing any financial instruments you might as well get her name removed.


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## warlock07

Can you not confront her at the location? Throw her stuff on the lawn by the time she comes back


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## keko

warlock07 said:


> Can you not confront her at the location? Throw her stuff on the lawn by the time she comes back


This would be THE perfect confrontation, might as well bust them with a camera.


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## bryanp

Sorry Greg:
1. Get tested for STD's since you know this is not the first time.
2. See a lawyer immediately to understand your options.
3. Expose the affair to the OM's wife or girlfriend
4. Expose the affair to her family.
Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


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## Eli-Zor

As advised 



> You want to expose it ASAP. - *YES*
> 
> Do you know the OM? Does he have a wife/gf? If he does find her and tell her. - *YES*
> 
> Do they work together? -*If yes expose to her coworkers and HR department*


Can her parents, explain she is having an affair , no more. what is happening and ask for their help. 

When you do speak to her. Do not reveal your source. 

Have some evidence available including OM's name.

Be calm, keep a straight tone, do not threaten. Do not ask her why , she will lie. make statements only 

Say your piece by making statements , your not negotiating your stating facts. Tell her she has one chance to save your marriage, and she has to prove it now. 

If she stutters, denies, lies, or declines ignore her and step away. Do not leave her copies of the evidence. If she does any of these go dark on her and run the 180. 

Then take the OM out, Facebook and any other way you can expose him for what he is.

Do you have time to get a VAR on you ? or activate the recording a IPhone or smartphone, test these first.

Do not be scared if she walks out, don't suggest she leaves , nor do you leave your home.


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## PHTlump

I think you should kick her out. Even if you want reconciliation, she needs to earn her way back into the house.

And stand firm. Don't let her gaslight you. Don't let her tell you that she was meeting her insurance agent in a hotel hot tub. She is in the wrong.

Just keep your calm and stand up for yourself.


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## mahike

bryanp said:


> Sorry Greg:
> 1. Get tested for STD's since you know this is not the first time.
> 2. See a lawyer immediately to understand your options.
> 3. Expose the affair to the OM's wife or girlfriend
> 4. Expose the affair to her family.
> Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


Pretty good list to start with. Make sure you get yourself into IC as soon as you can. You did not mention are kids involved in this? If you try and save the marriage get into MC as soon as you can

Do not stop the tracking because even if she wants to R she will want to still talk with this POSM.


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## jnj express

If she throws the he is just a friend, crap at you----or anything else,----Your answer to anything she says is

Married women do not go out and do anything of this sort with other men--single or married

She took vows, and if she doesn't wanna honor her vows, then she can get a D.

Do not let her back you down---in fact confront, present your evidence, and leave for an hour or two---do not argue with her, discuss, or give her a chance to deny

When you hit her like this, you must give her the impression, that for now, you are done with her,---tell her she can go live with her lover, and that he can support her

What you do and say, must be cold, calm, strong, and as I said before you must leave the impression, you will not allow/stand for this crap to be happening.

You will get plenty of other ideas from others, incorporate them all into what you do.


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## hookares

Welcome to the club, GP. If you take the time to read at least six different threads regarding cheating spouses here, you will soon be able to recognize just about ALL of the indicators used to deceive the dimwitted spouse. There are NO original ideas out there since the cheaters are so focused on doing their thing that they really have no time to give it any thought.
This is the resin that they most often overlook the contribution their spouse is already making to their comfortable lifestyle and never do until the time comes that it's no longer forthcoming.
Good Luck


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## Will_Kane

You come off as timid in your posts. When you do this you must be strong, firm, and confident. You must be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it.

Start off by telling her you need to talk to her. Tell her how she acts in the next 15 minutes may determine whether or not you stay married or get divorced.

Tell your wife you love her, that you have always loved her, that you want to improve your marriage, that you want to improve as a husband, and you are willing to work on all of those things, otherwise you would not even be having this conversation.

Then, tell her you know she is cheating. Tell her you have evidence. Do not tell her what it is or how you got it. Tell her some of the details, so she knows that you know, but not all of them and not enough for her to figure out how you got the details.

Tell her she must choose, you or him. I know from your other thread that the other man is her business partner. If she chooses you, she must go no contact with him other than what is business-related. She must begin to extricate herself from that situation immediately, making plans for her or him to leave the business. She must account for her whereabouts 100 percent of the time. She must give you complete access to all her communication devices and accounts. Tell her if she refuses to meet your conditions, you will file for divorce. Then, if she fails to meet your conditions, do it. You can stop the divorce proceedings at any time if she later agrees to your conditions, but don't tell her that.

Most likely she will get mad at you, leave, and immediately contact him.

You must contact his wife or girlfriend and let her know what is going on. Tell her you have evidence, don't tell her how you got the evidence. You can give her details, but not enough that she will know how you got the details. Also contact her family and let them know she is having an affair and ask for their help in saving your marriage.

Most likely he will throw your wife under the bus and choose his wife, at which point your wife will come back, but angry and not yet willing to meet your conditions. You must insist your conditions are met or this thing will start right back up. Continue the divorce process until you are confident she is meeting your conditions willingly, not just begrudgingly.

If she chooses him, tell her to leave and go be with him. You do not leave your own house. She can leave if she wants. You do not leave.

You must be strong, firm, and confident. Calm. As emotionless as possible. You come across as timid and unsure of yourself in your posts, you will not be as effective if you come across that way when you confront.


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## warlock07

What? Let him decide if he wants this marriage and his cheating wife back first. No R until he decides to take her back. It is not her option to decide.


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## bandit.45

Follow all the advice you have been given.

Make sure you make copies of the evidence so she cannot destroy or delete.

Expose, expose, expose. Do not trickle all the info out. Tell everyone in her family. Find out if the OM is married and tell his wife. Go nuclear. Go shock and awe. That's the only way to chase the rats out of the shadows.


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## Complexity

I'm so sorry Greg. 

Was the evidence incriminating? Because if it's vague or hints to an affair I'd wait to get more evidence before you confront otherwise she'll go underground with it.


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## ShootMePlz!

Just text her "I KNOW"!!!! Then don't answer the phone until she is face to face with you!!!


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## zsu234

I agree with Will Kane

In order to save the village you have to destroy it.


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## bandit.45

zsu234 said:


> I agree with Will Kane
> 
> In order to save the village you have to destroy it.


Yep. Drop the daisy cutters and take out the jungle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299

Let me offer one thought from the cheaters side of the table. I may get flamed for this but oh well. When D Day dawned on my affair I had about 10 minutes from when my wife turned over my phone and saw a text from my AP (affair partner) until we could say anything to each other (we were putting our son to bed). Those 10 minutes were a life saver for me. They gave me the few minutes I needed to realize what had just happened and what I was about to have to do if I wanted to save my marriage. They gave me the few moments I needed to steel myself to tell my wife the full and complete truth right then - no matter what. You need to understand that someone in an affair lives in compartments - you and the marriage in one and the OM and the affair in another - and they try very hard to keep the two compartments from ever meeting. When you confront her you will blow the compartments to hell and back, she will be terrified and confused (as she deserves to be). Her first instinct is going to be to get her two worlds back into their compartments ASAP just to stop the room from spinning and keep her head from exploding. Said another way - her first reaction will be to lie just to make it all go away - even if she really wants to tell you the truth.

So. Were it me, I'd sit her down and tell her that you have something you want to tell her and tell her not to respond. I'd lay my evidence out on the table, tell her what I knew and then I'd say, "I do not want you to say anything right now. I'm going out of the house for 10 minutes. When I get back I will listen to what you have to say. I'm taking your cell phone with me, give it to me." And then I'd leave. When I got back I'd listen and then I'd still do everything you're being advised here. You will still need to expose, even if she comes clean affairs are very hard to kill and exposure is the best weapon. The above only creates an opportunity for her to tell you the truth - if she will. It just gives her a few minutes for the shock to pass and hopefully her conscious to take over and fess up. She may -more likely she won't - but at least you created an opportunity for her to do so. 

Oh - taking the cell phone is to keep her from contacting the OM, which if you confront and then leave will be the very next thing she does. In those 10 minutes she must be alone with only herself - if you can't make that happen disregard everything I just typed.


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## AngryandUsed

bandit.45 said:


> Follow all the advice you have been given.
> 
> Make sure you make copies of the evidence so she cannot destroy or delete.
> 
> Expose, expose, expose. Do not trickle all the info out. Tell everyone in her family. Find out if the OM is married and tell his wife. Go nuclear. Go shock and awe. That's the only way to chase the rats out of the shadows.


I know you will be in no mood to read bandit45's thread. Also look at shamwow's thread.
Sorry you are betrayed. I can feel your misery. Most of us have gone through this.
Your first enemy is anger. 
Second silent killer is depression.
Sew your doctor. Take care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

Here's mine. By all means...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/39686-21-years-down-hole.html


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## CH

Change the locks and when she can't open the door and calls you, this is what you say.

"Oh, I thought we were done since you've been screwing this other guy. So I changed the locks for my own personal security."

Click.

BTW, you would have to eventually open the door for her though since legally you can't kick her out. But the cops would be more than understanding (as long as you let her back in, eventually ).


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## bandit.45

cheatinghubby said:


> Change the locks and when she can't open the door and calls you, this is what you say.
> 
> "Oh, I thought we were done since you've been screwing this other guy. So I changed the locks for my own personal security."
> 
> Click.
> 
> BTW, you would have to eventually open the door for her though since legally you can't kick her out. But the cops would be more than understanding (as long as you let her back in, eventually ).


Helps if he has her clothes stuffed in big Glad yard bags waiting for her on the porch. Cuts out all that messy fumbling around packing clothes in the bedroom.


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## the guy

Greg,
Do you know who the OM (other man) is?

Remember do not beg for your marriage or your wife!


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## bryanp

How did it go Greg?


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## lordmayhem

I believe confrontation is happening now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cledus_snow

> They went meet in a hotel for a *sauna*.


well.....at least she's gonna come home nice and relaxed, before being thrown into the fire of confrontation.


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## AngryandUsed

lordmayhem said:


> I believe confrontation is happening now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How are you Lord Mayhem. Hope you are doing better.
We have another case of infidelity


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## AngryandUsed

Go Dark after confrontation. Shamwow did. Bandit45 did.

I hope you have collected evidences.


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## Afra

GregPeters said:


> Hi,
> I already did a thread that I was thinking my wife have an emotional affair.
> 
> I installed a spy software in my wife phone and I got the answer.
> 
> 
> keylogger Mac
> Mac keylogger
> keylogger for Mac
> 
> Today I heard her telephone calls and tracked her with the gps and yes she cheated on me.
> 
> They went meet in a hotel for a sauna. During the time she was with this guy I called her and asked her where is she and she replied I am at work.
> 
> Anyway, there are a lot more in the phone calls.
> 
> Now I am waiting my wife to come home, how I am going to tackle her?
> 
> I am so down, without energy and feel calm. I feel so betrayed.


If you still love her, try your best to save your marriage.


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## Shaggy

AngryandUsed said:


> Go Dark after confrontation. Shamwow did. Bandit45 did.
> 
> I hope you have collected evidences.


Go dark on her, not on us!


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## CantSitStill

update us..prayin for you. See a lawyer asap. Do not let her make you think any of this is your fault. Stay strong, come here for support. There are alot of people here that have been through this and they are excellent for advice and support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GregPeters

3 days ago, I found out my wife was cheating on me as said above.

It was really hard that day, especially waiting her to come home and tell her. 

When she came home I told her I know where she was and gave her some verbal evidence. I cannot remember exactly but after few minutes she admitted she was with him but did not admitted she had sex but indirectly she admitted as if she did not wanted to hurt me. 

She cried and asked me to forgive her a 1000 times, she told me she feel really happy that this ended because she was feeling really bad with this double life. She also told me she feel really clean inside her. And to my surprise she also told me many times why I did not stopped her before.

1 - She lied to me so can I believe her again?
2 - Why I cannot hate her and I still love her so much?
3 - Why just after 3 days it seems I already forgave her?
4- She seems to be sorry, but how I can know if this is just a show or from her heart?
5 - Do you think its normal that she asked me if she can call her mother and tell her all what happened?
6 - Is it normal that sometimes we make fun about what happened?
7 - Is it normal that I feel much better now from when I knew something was going wrong?
Sometimes I think I am still under shock (which I don't seem to be and in fact it seems I am much stronger) but I am afraid one day I will just collapse.


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## keko

GregPeters said:


> 1 - She lied to me so can I believe her again? *Somewhat*
> 2 - Why I cannot hate her and I still love her so much? *Codependency*
> 3 - Why just after 3 days it seems I already forgave her? *Codependecy again.*
> 4- She seems to be sorry, but how I can know if this is just a show or from her heart? *She is sorry she got caught, not because she cheated on you.*
> 5 - Do you think its normal that she asked me if she can call her mother and tell her all what happened? *Normal, she will tell her mother lies so when you call they'll believe you were the one cheated.*
> 6 - Is it normal that sometimes we make fun about what happened? *Definately not normal.*
> 7 - Is it normal that I feel much better now from when I knew something was going wrong? *You feel better because you know the truth, not because her cheating.*


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## Complexity

The pain and resentment will hit you hard as time passes by. Unfortunately this is just the beginning Greg. You certainly have no cause to be so forgiving so quickly, not only is that illogical but it would be completely counter-productive to reconciliation.


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## keko

Did you expose it to her family, friends and coworkers?

She mentioned they didn't have sex, where exactly were they?


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## GregPeters

keko said:


> Did you expose it to her family, friends and coworkers?
> 
> She mentioned they didn't have sex, where exactly were they?


Unfortunately yes they did it, because I have proof and she did admit it but indirectly.


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## keko

GregPeters said:


> Unfortunately yes they did it, because I have proof and she did admit it but indirectly.


So did you expose it to family friends?


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## CantSitStill

Greg make sure that she has no contact with him at all. Right now yes you are so happy to have her back that you are bonding like crazy. After a while you may find that you are pizzed as heck about what she has done. You need to communicate alot every day and seek marriage counseling asap. Good luck to you and as for that freak USER what the heck...jerk!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko

Greg,

Incase you're following this thread, expose her affair to her family, friends, coworkers, anyone that knows her soon as possible. If she doesn't face some consequences she will do it again and again. And you'll be kicking yourself 20-30 years down the road why you didn't free yourself from this selfish lying cheater. 

IMO don't bother trying to work it out, just divorce her.


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## Will_Kane

_*They went meet in a hotel for a sauna*. During the time she was with this guy I called her and asked her where is she and she replied I am at work.

Anyway, there are a lot more in the phone calls._

Greg,

I don't know if it matters to you, but *almost certainly they had sex*. Two grown people don't go to a hotel, take all their clothes off, put towels on, and then lie to you about it, and not have sex.

It seems that you are happy that she did not choose him over you and at least admitted to an emotional affair. It makes you feel good to believe her lie that she did not have sex. It is wishful thinking on your part.

Why did she need you to end this?

Why couldn't she end it on her own?

None of her story makes any sense. 

Some here will recommend a polygraph test to verify the truth. I don't need a polygraph when someone tells me a fairy tale like the the one your wife told, even a 4-year-old wouldn't believe her story and you're a grown man.

If you don't need the truth, or if it doesn't matter as long as the affair has ended, that's fine with me.

I am assuming that you don't want her to continue the affair. How will you know the affair has ended and she's not just still lying to you about not seeing him anymore?

Is he a business partner or a co-worker? Either way, how can you believe they're not smooching it up at work?

These are things I think you need to think about.


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## bryanp

Greg you are in shock. 
1. She would still be cheating on you and putting your health at risk for STD's if she was not caught. She never confessed until she got caught. She never has any intention of stopping it and being honest with you.
2. You both must get tested for STD's.
3. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be as accepting as you.
4. Your wife as a broken moral compass and clearly did not care about you or your marriage.
5. You must contact the OM's wife and expose this. If you do not do this then you are sending a message to the OM that it was all right to screw your wife behind your back and play you for a fool
6. Have her write a timeline for you pertaining to the affair and ask what she was thinking.

Greg, do you think that she engaged in this sexual affair because she knew that if she did eventually get caught then you would end up immediately forgiving her anyway and therefore had nothing to lose? What inside told her that this was acceptable to do to you.
I am sure she is in damage control. I am sorry but laughing about how she totally humiliated and disrespected you and your marriage by playing you as a fool sends the message it was not that big a deal. You are handling this all wrong.


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## bandit.45

I think Greg is gone. Poor guy was in shock. Everybody should PM him with support.


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## the guy

:iagree:


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## Complexity

Greg I suggest you get away for a bit. This is an incredibly traumatic experience and I think you're still in shock. I worry you might explode and do things you will regret


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## lenzi

Why do I think we're going to be hearing about this on the news?


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## iheartlife

Greg, this is why you expose the affair to those who love her: she is in an addiction. She isn't strong enough to quit alone. She might feel guilt and some remorse, but that was never enough before to get her to stop on her own. This is still likely true.

Outside forces are the wakeup call that ENDS the fantasy.

My WS was soooo sorry that 4 weeks after DD#1 he was back with the AP. That was when we started 6 months of MC. He lied right thru MC without even trying.

I didn't catch him on DD#2; he slipped up. Do not do what I did. Addictions are STRONG. Few break them by willpower. She needs to see that this can never happen again in ANY shape or form.

You will see some become serial cheaters. Rugsweeping kept the underlying marital issues from being dealt with head on. Lack of outside threat of real divorce or exposure convinced the WS they could keep up deception. Stay strong and hold firm on what she must do: maintain transparency, quit her job if need be, tell her parents, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Greg, 

She sounds like she is playing the victim card here . She isn't the victim, she chose to cheat otherwise she was raped, and we both know she wasn't raped.

Find the OMW or gf and expose what he has been doing, if you cheating wife is really remorseful, she will help you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT

bandit.45 said:


> I think Greg is gone. Poor guy was in shock. Everybody should PM him with support.


:iagree:

And the f'n troll didn't help. What a jerk!!


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## lordmayhem

I seemed to have missed the fireworks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

He made a new thread -> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ut-my-wife-cheating-me-now-i-am-confused.html


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## Almostrecovered

I think LM meant he missed the turmoil some troll caused, as did I


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## kt66

Get her a one way plane ticket to the airport,. and drive her there.
she does not deserve you and obviously doesn't love you and will certainly do it again.

sorry for your pain, but you will never be happy with her


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## river rat

Greg, heed the advice of the people on this site who've been where you are. They know how to break an affair. And many of them know what it takes to reconcile or move on with their lives after divorce. Hang in there, buddy.


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## kt66

Greg you deserve better, 
move on up


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