# How to tell if ex wants to R? Meeting for dinner on her B day



## Movingon_ (Feb 13, 2013)

We have been divorced for over a year. She had an affair with a married co-worker which I pushed her to have. During our year of divorce, there has not been a month go by that she did not come to me with tears in her eyes saying she missed me and our family. This happened 2 to 3 times a month like clock work.

BUT, she has gone cold since the start of February. I have not seen tears for a while. Almost like she gave herself one year to morn the loss of the mariage then moved on.

But, she wants to meet just her and I for dinner on her B day to talk. I am not sure if she just wants to put final closure on this or maybe to R. I am not sure. Not sure that I want to R, but the thoughts of putting our family back together excites me.

we were together for 22 years. Married for 15. We have two great kids that we are both so proud of. I still do not know how someone could walk away from so much history, a great little family just because they lost the spark. She did not want to work on the marriage or go to C.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

First thing I would say, is that you have to calm down. You are already running senarios through your head and trying to figure it out. 

STOP. This isn't about what she wants. It's about what you want and what is ultimately good for the both of you. My advice, take it for what it is: Two coparents meeting to talk about the "business" of being parents or partners in raising your children. No more, no less. 

Have yourself a gameplan to react for closure or possible "R". That way, you are reacting not out of emotion.


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## Movingon_ (Feb 13, 2013)

Good advice. The trouble is I am not sure what I want. At times I am doing great and don't give her much thought. Than others I think wow if we both worked really hard on this we could put this family back together which is what I want more than anything. But the thing is, once someone cheats on you they have shown you thier true self. I'm not sure how the trust for anything could be restored. I have to look at it this way, no matter which road we pick, our lives will never be the same. If we get back together it would never be the same. I think one can forgive, but forgetting is a whole nother issue. If we stay divorced than the whole starting over and the joys of a blended family. Its like choosing to be shot in the gut or shot in the back.............


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Good advice. The trouble is I am not sure what I want. At times I am doing great and don't give her much thought. Than others I think wow if we both worked really hard on this we could put this family back together which is what I want more than anything. But the thing is, once someone cheats on you they have shown you thier true self. I'm not sure how the trust for anything could be restored. I have to look at it this way, no matter which road we pick, our lives will never be the same. If we get back together it would never be the same. I think one can forgive, but forgetting is a whole nother issue. If we stay divorced than the whole starting over and the joys of a blended family. Its like choosing to be shot in the gut or shot in the back.............


The beauty of it is you don't have to decide anything at the moment. Just sit back and listen. If you don't know what you want, just listen. Tell her you will think about what she has said, and give it some time to process. If she really loves you, she will be patient. If not, you don't want that anyway.


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

But why should you forget.If you have forgiven her then you are able to move forward peacefully together. That for me is the main factor for a successful R. If you cannot forgive her then your anger and resentment will hinder it. And no your marriage will not be the same but it can still be a good one. Just different.

Both of you will never forget her cheating but it can be stored as just a memory and nothing more. 

Try not to analyse it too much and just see what happens later.


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## mupostori (May 20, 2012)

OP don't spoil the party , who wants to have their birthday talking about their failure.


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