# I'm expecting again 18 and unfaithful?



## truelove1 (Oct 7, 2011)

Well things have gone bad since January. My bf was assaulted. He finally admitted it was his reason for becoming an alcoholic. He was gang raped. He didn't talk to me or was MIA til april. We were back together but not the same kept his distance. Like before he seemd to trust me and we were best friends since preschool but he began to break down and shut himself off from me. He wouldn't have sex with me for 2 months. He was completely messed up by it and I realize that now. I didn't know then. Well he become more withdrawn and more of an alcoholic. And then eventually In September I was pregnant and lost it. I was going to abort because I felt he didn't love me or the baby and all he wanted was to get drunk. But then I miscarried and I was really depressed but he didn't even seem to care or know. He seemed to stop caring about me. Well when he went to rehab I was supportive but confided in a friend. He actually seemed to care about me and so our relationship got inappropriate twice last october. I was on the verge of breaking up with my bf anyway. But then when he told me this I felt horrible for the feelings I had. I should've realized something was wrong. Well now I've found out I'm pregnant again. I only know I am by one positive hpt because someone was bugging me to test and it came up positive. I'm scared I'm pregnant with my bff's baby instead of my bf's because since he was in rehab we haven't really had sex besides like a week ago which would not have shown up so fast. I wanted to work on our relationship but really can't handle another loss. It was hard enough the first time. I don't know what to do. My relationship with him is in a complete mess it seems. Advice?


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

truelove1 said:


> Well things have gone bad since January. My bf was assaulted. He finally admitted it was his reason for becoming an alcoholic. He was gang raped. He didn't talk to me or was MIA til april. We were back together but not the same kept his distance. Like before he seemd to trust me and we were best friends since preschool but he began to break down and shut himself off from me. He wouldn't have sex with me for 2 months. He was completely messed up by it and I realize that now. I didn't know then. Well he become more withdrawn and more of an alcoholic. And then eventually In September I was pregnant and lost it. I was going to abort because I felt he didn't love me or the baby and all he wanted was to get drunk. But then I miscarried and I was really depressed but he didn't even seem to care or know. He seemed to stop caring about me. Well when he went to rehab I was supportive but confided in a friend. He actually seemed to care about me and so our relationship got inappropriate twice last october. I was on the verge of breaking up with my bf anyway. But then when he told me this I felt horrible for the feelings I had. I should've realized something was wrong. Well now I've found out I'm pregnant again. I only know I am by one positive hpt because someone was bugging me to test and it came up positive. I'm scared I'm pregnant with my bff's baby instead of my bf's because since he was in rehab we haven't really had sex besides like a week ago which would not have shown up so fast. I wanted to work on our relationship but really can't handle another loss. It was hard enough the first time. I don't know what to do. My relationship with him is in a complete mess it seems. Advice?


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## truelove1 (Oct 7, 2011)

any advice or are you going to just repeat everything I said without saying anything yourself? Plz?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Break up with the bf, mske sure he gets therapy, stop sleeping with men you wouldn't consider having long term relationship with, use birth control better, consider seriously putting the new bay up fr adoption, and don't marry the BFF just because of the baby unless you actually love him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

truelove1 said:


> any advice or are you going to just repeat everything I said without saying anything yourself? Plz?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## truelove1 (Oct 7, 2011)

odd anyway @shaggy we used a condom but I guess it didn't work. He's in therapy I don't love my bff I actually still love my bf but it's just I really screwed up everything.


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

Who do you love?


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

You have to be honest with the boyfriend if the relationship is going to work.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Sorry, didn't mean to hit send. But, I would say abort or put baby up for adoption and get on birth control ASAP. Out of curiosity, where was your bf when he was gang raped? That sounds very unusual unless he was locked up at the time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

If you and your boyfriend still love each other, it is worth trying to save the relationship. But your boyfriend is dealing with so much right now. Being gang raped would be awful. He will need a lot of support and love right now. No matter what he needs to know you are not rejecting him because of what happened. I would think this would be a worry to someone who has been raped.


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

I think you have more than one issue here. When it comes to the baby, think very hard before you decide what to do. Think about how you would support the child. Would family help. Think about what your values are. I have a friend who aborted a baby and it haunts her. I'm not saying this because I have an agenda. I have another friend who aborted because her husband beat her so badly it was recommended. She takes comfort in the fact that the child probably wouldn't have made it anyway. It's easy to say abort or put the child up for adoption. It's another thing to do it. You need to make your decision based on what is best for you because you have to live with it.


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## ncooke (Nov 4, 2011)

truelove1 said:


> Well things have gone bad since January. My bf was assaulted. He finally admitted it was his reason for becoming an alcoholic. He was gang raped. He didn't talk to me or was MIA til april. We were back together but not the same kept his distance. Like before he seemd to trust me and we were best friends since preschool but he began to break down and shut himself off from me. He wouldn't have sex with me for 2 months. He was completely messed up by it and I realize that now. I didn't know then. Well he become more withdrawn and more of an alcoholic. And then eventually In September I was pregnant and lost it. I was going to abort because I felt he didn't love me or the baby and all he wanted was to get drunk. But then I miscarried and I was really depressed but he didn't even seem to care or know. He seemed to stop caring about me. Well when he went to rehab I was supportive but confided in a friend. He actually seemed to care about me and so our relationship got inappropriate twice last october. I was on the verge of breaking up with my bf anyway. But then when he told me this I felt horrible for the feelings I had. I should've realized something was wrong. Well now I've found out I'm pregnant again. I only know I am by one positive hpt because someone was bugging me to test and it came up positive. I'm scared I'm pregnant with my bff's baby instead of my bf's because since he was in rehab we haven't really had sex besides like a week ago which would not have shown up so fast. I wanted to work on our relationship but really can't handle another loss. It was hard enough the first time. I don't know what to do. My relationship with him is in a complete mess it seems. Advice?


I didn't even read all of this mess (use a paragraph once in awhile) but do the planet a favor and please, please go into therapy before you have any kids.

And - why are you afraid of contraceptives?


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

ncooke said:


> I didn't even read all of this mess (use a paragraph once in awhile) but do the planet a favor and please, please go into therapy before you have any kids.
> 
> And - why are you afraid of contraceptives?


Not everyone on this forum is so unhelpful.


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## truelove1 (Oct 7, 2011)

last time I was going to abort and it was extremely emotionally painful to miscarry even though I didn't want it. I don't wantt to aort this time I don't want to lose him either. My bff is black so it's not possible to even pretend anything. Plus I want to be honest yet I know this will just ruin things pretty much if I'm keeping it. And I don't know when I should tell him?


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

There will never be a perfect time to tell him, you need to just tell him. Be prepared for him to leave you.

It is no longer about you. You have brought a child into this mess. Think very hard about what you want to do... Having a child is a lot of work and responsibility, and you certainly won't be getting the attention/love you seem to crave.


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## truelove1 (Oct 7, 2011)

maybe not now until I'm soon to expect maybe idk. There's too much going on in our lives really I guess.


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## truelove1 (Oct 7, 2011)

also I forgot to say I used a condom with my friend. I guess it failed apparently.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

This may not be a very popular opinion, but I would rethink the abortion option if I were you. 

Your situation is that you are most likely pregnant with the baby of a man you don't want to be with, your boyfriend has just gone through a tremendous horror - how will he handle his girlfriend giving birth to someone else's baby on top of what he's going through now? Third, you're 18 - can you support the child completely on your own? (Which you will probably have to do.) Can you and do you want to provide the kind of upbringing to a child for the next 18 years (i.e., your entire life so far) that you believe a child deserves? 

If you're not 100% sure, well.... anyway, I have no agenda either, but I can certainly tell you that NOT every woman who has an abortion has negative feelings about it afterwards. 

I had an abortion and consider it one of the most logical and proper decisions I've made in my life. Was I proud of myself having to make that decision? No. Was I incredibly relieved afterwards and in a much better position emotionally, mentally, financially, and physically? Yes.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

There are many people would love to adopt a baby. 

Think of all your options but put the baby's best interest first.

And all you people who are pushing abortion, wtf. She knows her options. I'm not a lifer, but abortions can leave long lasting emotional effects on someone who didn't really want the abortion.


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

I think you really need to separate the issues here. Your relationship with your boyfriend was not secure before you cheated. Your boyfriend pulled away from you because of what happened. He couldn't handle what had happened to him and a relationship. There is no guarantee that the relationship is going to work with or without a baby. Rape is hard for people to deal with, not just the victim but also loved ones. 

Having said this in no way should guilt be what makes you decide to have an abortion. If you have the abortion thinking this is how I keep my boyfriend what do you do if the relationship doesn't work out?

You have to think about the future of the child, yes. But I think you have said something very important. "last time I was going to abort and it was extremely emotionally painful to miscarry even though I didn't want it."

Do you have family that you can turn to for help?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> My bff is black so it's not possible to even pretend anything.


What the f&$k? Should I be the one to point out how sh!tty and morally repugnant this is?

Girl, you have some serious issues. IMO Don't even think about having a baby for the time being...


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## truelove1 (Oct 7, 2011)

you sound racist imo. I'm black myself there's nothing wrong with it. People like this should be sterile imo

anyway I might be pregnant by my bf or alternatively, it might not at all be. I went to a clinic and nothing was there yet I have a bfp so I'm either too early which could I guess be his or not at all preggo.


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