# Want to get away from all of it.....



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I used to have a motorcycle for a short while. I really wish I could buy one. I really wish I could just point it in one direction for about 4 tanks of gas. Then maybe, away from all the daily life of dealing with a STBXW, I could clear my head and find some peace.

No one really believes me when I say I just like being alone. She refuses to believe I'm by myself when I take my weekend away from the house and go to a ball game or museum. I'm very comfortable being alone. She just has to justify in her mind that the divorce has nothing to do with her and there must be someone else. Anyways, no motorcycle in my garage, no time on the books to take, no money stashed up so I guess I'm digging in for the duration....


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Ugh. That's too bad -- I am exactly the same way. Nothing clears my head like just going off for a day and night all by myself, even if I'm just driving to the lake and camping out.

Nothing wrong with you. Keep telling yourself that!


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

lamaga said:


> Ugh. That's too bad -- I am exactly the same way. Nothing clears my head like just going off for a day and night all by myself, even if I'm just driving to the lake and camping out.
> 
> Nothing wrong with you. Keep telling yourself that!


We alternate weekends with the kids to acclimate them to the weeklong rotations they are going to have once she moves out. So whoever doesn't have the kids on a given weekend usually leaves and doesn't come back until sunday night. On one of my recent outings I snagged a front row outfield seat to an Astros game last minute while driving between an arboretum and the horsetrack (never had been before). While at the game she starts texting about something concerning some restaurant in our home town saying we didn't pay for some food like 3 months ago. Of course the next text "why didn't you answer me right away?" For one I was at a ball game and not looking at my phone. "Well, cuz I couldn't hear the phone over all the noise here." Next "where are you that it's so noisy?" Me: "an astros game". Her (almost seconds after sending my text) "Are you alone?". The smartass in me wanted to say, "No, I'm here with 15,000 of my best friends.". I just want her to leave me alone on weekends but she insists on sending some random text and then using it as an in to try and find out everything I'm doing. Because I obviously must be out spending time with a girlfriend right?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

OK, with respect, you need to take some control of this. You do not have to respond to her every text. You really don't.

She's jerking your chain. In the future, I'd recommend sending a text, "out of pocket for the next six hours, leave a message if there's an emergency" and stick to it. Now, of course, if there's an emergency, you're going to pick up, but you cannot let her keep you on a leash. (I'm sorry, that's kind of a harsh metaphor, but you should be able to enjoy an Astros game if you want!)

Houston? Do you like crappy beach towns? I used to flee to Surfside. Crappy, indeed, but cheap


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Ya man, unless its about the kids you don't need to respond. Better yet, if you want to, wait a hour or so. My stbxw has had a heart of stone through all of this and me not responding has caused her to complain on several occasions. I was surprised she cared, but then she just proved she didn't really care, it was her sense of entitlement that had her asking me. Because you know, she texts me and I should respond based on the fact she was the one asking the questions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Exactly, Up -- it's a control thing.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Yeah, she always throws that "what if one of the kids ends up in the hospital?". It's not like I'm just not paying attention to the phone. I check email, post on fb, etc. all the time. It's just like she has got to stick her nose in it and upset me so it ruins my time away somehow. I definitely need to put my foot down about it though.

I had been bouncing around at my family's places for my weekends away but realized I can have a lot of fun bouncing around houston by myself and not really rack up a lot of debt either. Been to surfside but not sure I really enjoy staring at the nasty gulf of mexico and smelling whatever rotten is on the beach that day is a great way to spend my weekend. lol... 

On a side note: Just received a text while writing this..."I was going to buy a rotisserie chicken from Walmart...is that ok?" Geez, just make an adult decision and do it already and just tell me that's whats for dinner......I don't feel the need to approve a purchase of a rotisserie chicken....lol


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Wow its amazing how different our exes are lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

UpnDown said:


> Wow its amazing how different our exes are lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, mines acting like nothing has really changed. Like we should still do everything as a family, spend time together with the kids on weekends (usually only brought up when I'm taking the kids somewhere she wants to go also), have heart to heart talks about everything. It's like the whole idea of what divorce means to me is lost on her. I don't want to spend time with her. I don't want her around with me and the kids on my weekends constantly turning over every decision I make and taking away my authority with the kids. It's crazy.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I'm just cracking up because I am in a very happy marriage but I would never ask for permission to buy a g.d. chicken. I buy it and you'll like it


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

lamaga said:


> I'm just cracking up because I am in a very happy marriage but I would never ask for permission to buy a g.d. chicken. I buy it and you'll like it


Lol....most of it stems from the fact she rarely cooks so I think it's more of a text saying "look at me, I'm making dinner!" That or trying to keep a channel of communication open. Or she's pissed about something like when you sarcastically tell someone "Is that OK with you?". I can never really tell and don't care either anymore.


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

I actually took a 2 1/2 week vacation to visit some of my best friends...literally, on the other side of the planet...10,000 miles away to be exact! Had an awesome time...I did it purely for me; first time ive done something like in a long time. Thinking about it, its the only time Ive felt truly and utterly happy in ages. I would well recommend doing so if you can swing it.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

worrieddad said:


> I actually took a 2 1/2 week vacation to visit some of my best friends...literally, on the other side of the planet...10,000 miles away to be exact! Had an awesome time...I did it purely for me; first time ive done something like in a long time. Thinking about it, its the only time Ive felt truly and utterly happy in ages. I would well recommend doing so if you can swing it.


Yeah, I have a cousin living in Prague that would be more than happy to put up with me for a 2 week vacation. But there's no way my budget could put up with two weeks of missing work....


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Worried, that sounds AWESOME. I wish more people would do that.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Otter, maybe not now, but surely it's something you could work towards? Maybe a year from now?


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

lamaga said:


> Otter, maybe not now, but surely it's something you could work towards? Maybe a year from now?


Just checked and round trip flights start right at $1400....Problem will always be planning for the lack of income. I'm contract and don't get paid for holidays, sick time, vacation, etc....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Been there - done that.

Lose the salary and PAY for the vacation.

Huge dent in budget


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Otter, maybe not now, but surely it's something you could work towards? Maybe a year from now?


Totally agree...I'm a contractor too - but I tell ya, the wonders it did for me psychologically *far* outweighed the loss of income. Certainly not worth bankrupting yourself over...but I think giving yourself something to look forward to would be awesome.

ETA: Doesn't even have to be a mega-vacation - plan for that 4 tank bike trip, long weekend - sounds like you'd love it!


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Right now I look forward to every weekend I get alone. Even if its just overnight and I don't even do anything big its still great to be alone......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ABeautifulDisaster (May 24, 2012)

Maybe I am just crazy but she needs boundaries....I mean if it was an emergency you would be far more inclined to reply to a call or a text if she was not discussing her need for a chicken with you.....Things change....or did she not get the memo? Heck I am a girl and I get that.....:scratchhead:


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Her big thing is that we are supposed to still be friends. And friends don't ignore each other do they? Anyways, I get a call from her about halfway home last night that the van won't start and she can't go pick the chicken up. So I get home, find a dead battery and go about replacing it which involves a trip to walmart for a new battery and a rotisserie chicken. (I still wouldn't expect her to change a battery. They're pretty heavy and I wouldn't want her switching the polarity or something and frying the computer.) I figured it would be common sense to start getting the sides ready since I said I'd be back in 30 minutes but of course not. Chicken shows up....three hungry kids in the kitchen....and they get to wait 30 more minutes for her to heat up some veggies out of a can....

This is turning into a rant I know. She also asked me last night when I was going to clean out the goldfish tank (all of a half gallon tank). I said I wasn't doing it every time and she can take turns with me since we both were there at the carnival letting the kids win them. Begrudgingly she got off the chair and did it. Next up....the litter box.  If she's gonna take the cats with her...she damn well better get used to cleaning up their poop....


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Planning for the 4 tank bike trip requires having a bike first...lol...Don't want to buy one now just to have her take it away in court in a few months....



worrieddad said:


> Totally agree...I'm a contractor too - but I tell ya, the wonders it did for me psychologically *far* outweighed the loss of income. Certainly not worth bankrupting yourself over...but I think giving yourself something to look forward to would be awesome.
> 
> ETA: Doesn't even have to be a mega-vacation - plan for that 4 tank bike trip, long weekend - sounds like you'd love it!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

She can't take away a vacation.

In a sick way, she actually still has to pay half


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Ugh......I just don't see a good way out of this situation until she can afford to support herself. No way I can afford the child support she wants....No way she can afford to live on her own.... Looks like we are stuck for a while......In the meantime I'm missing physical intimacy something awful.....


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