# Thinking about the future



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Mr H and I are newish, similar backgounds of 20 odd year LTR/divorce. Life is good for us, we are compatible, similar life goals and values etc. All is good and we are very happy. We are able to overcome obstacles in a mature manner, we simply connect well.

We are a middle age couple.

Last week he said to me *"I have visions of us travelling together in retirement".* I almost fell off my perch and was too taken back to say anything. I just don't think that far in advance. 

Is this standard for men, to plan the future that far ahead (10 or so years)?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I said that with my wife long before we divorced. The answer is yes, for me. I dreamed of times we could relax and travel. I wanted to enjoy her reactions to new things. I wanted to experience them with _her_.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

humanbecoming said:


> I don't think it's about men/women, but more about a particular persons personality. Some people naturally look toward the future, and are planners, others just focus on the moment.


^ this


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

Holland,
Wife and I are in our early 50s and I spend a lot of time thinking about what we can do in 10 years in regard to retirement...traveling together, moving to a warmer climate, golf, tennis etc. I'm looking forward to those years. I think it's good Mr Holland is thinking that way and planning for the relaxing times to come.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> I don't think it's about men/women, but more about a particular persons personality. Some people naturally look toward the future, and are planners, others just focus on the moment.


:iagree:

On one of our first few dates,SO said he was happy to find a person that finally made the future part of his brain click and start visualizing getting married,growing old,etc.

It's definitely all about the personality rather than the gender.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I do not know if it is "normal" for a man to make extreme long term plans but I know I do.

I have a long term savings account; I pay into my pension scheme. But just in case the worst should happen I pay our joint life insurance policy.

I look forward to whatever the future may bring and have a range of long term plans that we can implement depending on the circumstance that we find ourselves in. IHMO anything else is foolish. Living life “as it comes" or "one day at a time" will get you precisely "no where fast".


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Holland said:* Last week he said to me "*I have visions of us travelling together in retirement*". I almost fell off my perch and was too taken back to say anything. I just don't think that far in advance.
> 
> Is this standard for men, to plan the future that far ahead (10 or so years)?





humanbecoming said:


> I don't think it's about men/women, but more about a particular persons personality. Some people naturally look toward the future, and are planners, others just focus on the moment.


ABSOLUTELY.... I have ALWAYS been this way ...*and so has my husband* ....we are die hard "planners" and visionaries......I don't think I could even BE with someone who didn't THINK like this, they would annoy me to some extent... 

I wouldn't talk like that unless I knew a man's feelings was only for me -and for LIFE....but once the assurance was there, I'd be making many comments in regards to our future...he'd be falling off his perch left & right... might have even keeled over. 

Seriously, this is the 1st time a man has talked like that ?? I guess I know nothing about modern men - I would think that is utterly normal - when you are in







.



> *Wiltshireman said*: I look forward to whatever the future may bring and have a range of long term plans that we can implement depending on the circumstance that we find ourselves in. IHMO anything else is foolish. Living life “as it comes" or "one day at a time" will get you precisely "no where fast".










I've never be a "Fly by the seat of your pants- have fun, eat drink & be merry type...I cared a great deal about the "tomorrows" ahead of me...where any relationship was going.



Holland... I just read your post to my husband ... he answered to me... "He is saying he loves her so much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her" . There you go !


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

FCS - at home everyone teases ME about being oblivious. Is everyone other than SA on here tone deaf. 

Planning is about resources and logistics. 401K's and weekly shopping trips. 

He isn't planning, he is dreaming. 

This man just said: I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 

That's what he said. And - that's what he meant. 

He just did it so artfully - that nobody noticed. And for a guy who was so badly burned in his marriage, that was a big step to take. 

There is no greater statement of love than that. Just sayin





Holland said:


> Mr H and I are newish, similar backgounds of 20 odd year LTR/divorce. Life is good for us, we are compatible, similar life goals and values etc. All is good and we are very happy. We are able to overcome obstacles in a mature manner, we simply connect well.
> 
> We are a middle age couple.
> 
> ...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Oblivious, I may be that but moreso being protective of myself. Your post made me shiver MEM, I have been sitting here thinking it was OTT to be planning so far ahead but you picked it up so easily, he was saying he wants to spend his life with me. 

OK I am enjoying this learning curve, thank you for the replies


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Holland did it sound unromantic to you? Because its anything but. I do this. A lot of men I know do this. Basically what he's saying is he wants to make special memories and have unique challenging experiences with you. When life allows more freedoms he just wants to have more time to court you and show you things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Holland, 
You are plenty smart and understandably still smarting from marriage one. 

I intended no offense. You have been a great addition to TAM and I imagine everyone else here is as happy for you as I am. You both deserve a joyful partner. 

By the way I ummm - never expected you to use the 'N' word.   re: your first post in this thread. 

Then again, the standard keyboard has the 'N' just southwest of the 'J'.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

lol MEM I meant newish as in not a LTR. But I do have a Jewish parent.

As for the smart comment, it is interesting, I think I am smart when it comes to the parts of relationships that I have experienced the bad side of. ie have learnt the hard way.
When it comes to things that may seem obvious, like this post, then there must be part of my brain that chooses not to recognise what it actually happening.

The amount I have learnt here is extraordinary and very much valued


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

what's OTT?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Over The Top.

And no FK he didn't say it in an unromantic way  

Well I ended up telling him today that I would love to travel in retirement with him in the future too, I think that made his day.

How can a grown woman be so daft at times? No need to answer that one.


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