# Wife isnt in love with me anymore



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

HI, 
Me and my Wife are young adults and have only been married for 9 Months. We have a baby girl who is a little over 7 months old. For the past month or two we have not been getting along due to stress and whatever other reasons. I decided that I wanted to seperate because the marriage was not working out. Unfortuently I tried to let go but I couldnt because she means so much to me and I knew we could make it through these hard times. ( for better or for worse ) Of course right when I try to work things out she changes to she doesnt feel the same about me anymore. Now she has moved back to her parents and is sending me mix signals. One day she says she will try a little then later that night its I dont want to try at all its over. I have changed myself in every way possible and have been killing myself to do anything to get us back together. I think I may be smothering her but I just want things to work out. She has agreed to go to counseling but I dont think its going to work. If she doesnt want to try then how can things work out? She told me that she has been feeling this way for a while now and I just cant accept it because it seems out of the blue. She keeps telling me that a part of her wants to stay but its not as big as the part that wants to leave. Not sure what I should do? Should I keep pressing her or back off and let her have some time. I just dont want to lose my family.


----------



## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

A date once a week with no pressure...


----------



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

Thanks I think I will mention it to her and see if she wants too. I tried to take her out on a date last week but she said she didnt want to. I think I need to give her some time to relax and think things over. I keep reading about this 180 plan. Not sure If I should do this or not but it sounds like it works a little bit.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

If your wife has been feeling this way for a while, get a paternity test on the child. You don't want to be stuck paying support for 18 years for another man's child.


----------



## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Phillips I know, what you are going thru. Me my wife separated. We have 4 year old son. Not knowing Situation I cannot tell you exactly what to do. The best thing you can do, give her some time. Do not discuss anything about your relationship. Don't tell her I love you so much please come back. 
We have been separated for 2 month. First I tried to fix things to fast. I was calling her, texting her. Telling her we had great life, nothing worked. Then I realize as a mother and a wife she has responsibilities to work on this marriage as well. Why I am the only one who tries to go on the date nights, I offered marriage counseling, she didn't go. The more I tried the further I pushed her away. Prepare yourself for emotional roller coaster, but don't forget about child. Spend as much time as you can with the child. Don't be blind, but don't assume right away that she has somebody. When people confused they lost, they not sure what to do. Sometimes they say things they don't mean it. While you are separated its time for you to seriously evaluate your relationship. Stay away from talking to your friends, or her parents. Both parties have bias opinion. You will hear a lot of good suggestions its up to you to make a decision. Be open if she offers to reconcile.

Good luck


----------



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

Thanks Lexus, its def. a hard time right now and the emotional roller coaster has already begun. Just two months ago she was the one in my shoes right now and now things have flipped flopped. I just hope she realizes like I did that being with your family is more imporatant than being a single mom club hopping.


----------



## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Our stories are very similar. My wife never went to the club without me, but then suddenly she start going every weekend. So I said enough is enough. She said you are trying to control me. I said no u need to realize you are Wife and Mother. So she stopped, but she start to resent me and accusing of being controling person. What ever happens stay positive something positive will come out from this situation. Let her know you are doing well and planning vacation with your friends.


----------



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

I ve been through the same thing. she said I was to controlling because I wouldnt let her do those things. I think it has a lot to do with her being only 21 years old. I'm doing the 180 plan right now and its been really hard so far. This is her weekend to watch the baby but she needs me to watch her because of work. I almost just want to say no you need to figure it out because this is the road you chose but it is also my little girl and I dont think I can do that.


----------



## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

What ever happens between two of you as a father dont ever punish a kid because it didnt work out between two of you. I feel the same way too. When we separated I put so much effort to fix my marriage my wife none. My wife is 28 and she still doesnt get it. She said its better for the kid to be with one happy parent then with two unhappy. I said really do you think its easy from him to move from place to another 2 times a week, and for me to drive 60 miles a day. Sometimes I regret getting married and be with my wife, but when I look at my son, I am happy that I have him.


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Sorry to hear you are in this position. Does your wife have any pro-family influencial women in her life? One of the things missing in our marriage was ANYONE among friends and people we hung out with, that supported the idea of marriage as opposed to the "Sex and the City" lifestyle. 
So much influence out there in every form saying that marriage is a waste of a persons life and you arent really living unless you are single and sleeping around...
Really a destructive bunch of influence that bares no reality or honesty.
Being so young, I worry that its going to be harder for her to prioritize the marriage, above the "I havent lived MY life yet" yearnings..
I wish I had some people that my ex respected that promoted the positives of being a partner in marriage and a family...


----------



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

The only women she had growing up in her life was her aunt. Her Mother is a drunk and never was around. She always said that my Mom was the Mom she never had. I'm really hoping that she sees the other side of things and that being single isnt always as pretty as it seems. We do have counseling on Thursday but I dont know whats going to happen. Maybe she will open her eyes and see what she is missing. She is a really smart girl just really easily persuaded and her friends have done that well. Hopefully the MC can change that around.


----------



## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

How old are you? Getting married and having children are huge commitments.

Hopefully with some time you will work it out. Remember your wife just had a baby her body and hormones are readjusting. Give her some space. Focus on the baby. Let her know you are their for her and if there is any thing she needs you will be thier to help out.


----------



## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Phillips

Sorry, just read one of your answers regarding age. 21, that is very young.

This is very tough. I wish you the best of luck. You and your wife are just getting started in life.

Hang in there..


----------



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

I'm 23 and she is 21, I have started to do the 180 plan for myself and its allowing me to give her space. I do so much for her already and its almost as if she is just using me. If she wants to go off and live the life without me and do it without me then I'm going to set her free. Hopefully reality will kick in real soon and she will notice thats not what she wants.


----------



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

So during the weekend me and my wife went out to eat on saturday to kind of just hang out and see if we can have fun again. Although she didnt want to she agreed to. ( not sure why ) We ended up talking about us even though we said we wouldnt and found some things out. She said she depended on me through out the whole pregnacy and first 6 months of our babies life and now she has found her independence and wants to continue her life doing it on her own. WTF!! I just dont understand there has to be more to it. She also said she was unhappy and we didnt communicate. Although when she leaves sometimes she gives me a kiss and sometimes she doesnt. I feel like she is playing mind games with me. We have a MC appointment on thursday and I told her the only way its going to work is if she goes in there with the mind set of making it work. her response was well I cant say thats what my mind set will be. Her only reason to go is to see why she feels the way she does. I feel like I still have a chance but she said its the slightest chance but i still wont give up. I'm an idiot.


----------



## Phillips (Jan 5, 2012)

Is trying to talk to my W sister about everything a bad idea? I wish I could do this 180 Plan its just so damn hard.


----------

