# Found out wife texting another man



## autocraig

Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. Deleting text from her phone. Found out after seeing phone records and seeing the amount of text being sent. Since I found out I have been broken. I have opened up to her more in the past few days than i ever have. I know I have my faults as well but never unfaithful. I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional. She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed. I say and tell her that if she can't tell me what she wants we need to move on but when I see her it changes. I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way.


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## samyeagar

autocraig said:


> Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. Deleting text from her phone. Found out after seeing phone records and seeing the amount of text being sent. Since I found out I have been broken. I have opened up to her more in the past few days than i ever have. I know I have my faults as well but never unfaithful. I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional. She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed. I say and tell her that if she can't tell me what she wants we need to move on but when I see her it changes. I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. *Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way*.


You need to be ready, willing, and able to let her and the marriage go to have any chance of saving it.


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## jorgegene

autocraig said:


> Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. Deleting text from her phone. Found out after seeing phone records and seeing the amount of text being sent. Since I found out I have been broken. I have opened up to her more in the past few days than i ever have. I know I have my faults as well but never unfaithful. I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional. She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed. I say and tell her that if she can't tell me what she wants we need to move on but when I see her it changes. I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. *Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way.*


*
*


i'm afraid so. when a woman says that, it's probably the beginning of the end. people rely way to much of 'feelings' rather than their vows to guide their path.

i could be wrong, but i've never seen someone (man or woman) 'fall back in love' again. i suppose maybe it happens, but i've never seen it. 

it sounds like you're doing the right thing. sorry for your troubles; all i can tell you is most of us here have been where you are now.


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## badmemory

Friend, you're making the same mistake that we see so many betrayed spouses make. Rug sweeping and accepting blame.

Your wife is cheating on you. She is 100% to blame; no matter what the marital issues. And, you need to be aware that despite what she's told you, there's a very good chance this has gone physical. Cheater's lie - that's just what they do.

In her eyes, your reaction is weak and indecisive. It makes you look all the more unattractive to her compared to the OM. Stop being her door mat - NOW.

Your response to this, is simple. You expose her to her family, your family and the OM's wife or SO. She stops contact immediately, sends him a no contact letter that you review and send yourself, admits to the full truth, becomes completely transparent with her communication devices, and demonstrates genuine remorse.

If she fails to do just one of these things, you start the divorce process and implement the 180 to detach from her. If she doesn't turn around, you complete the D and don't look back.

Sorry you're here.


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## Feeling lost and lonely

Do you have kids?

Sent from my XT830C using Tapatalk


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## Clay2013

Ask her to leave and go stay at someone else's house for a while. Get a appt with a lawyer. Do not call her or talk to her about anything. Give her a firm case of 180. Start seperating the accounts. 

Don't tell her anything your doing or make any threats. 

Get her lined up for a divorce and show her your serious. 

She will either wake up and see what she has done or you will be divorced. In either case you need to put you FIRST.

Never allow a cheater to choose. This is your life not hers. She already made her choice when she put you in second place after all the years you were faithful to her. 

Personally I am for divorcing a Cheater. I have been down that road to many times in my life and I just feel life is to short to waste time on people that can and will do these things. 

If you stay the course your going then sadly your going to suffer more than you would if you just filed.

Good luck.

C


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## straightshooter

*She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional.*

And what have you done to verify that the above is the truth. ???? have you put a VAR in her car??? You can rest assuredly that if this goes on it will become physical if it has not already.

What you are doing is what is called the "pick me dance"!

And that dance usually ends up with a very poor result for you.

You need to see an attorney, have divorce papers drawn up ( you can stop it anytime you want to) and tell her you have no intention of staying in a marriage with more than two people in it.

The more you beg and plead, the more she will take her time. And leaving or having her leave the premesis right now will not help you. it will only give her more space to get with OM without you in the way.

It appears she has basically told you that she refuses to stop talking to him. you can't control that but you can control the consequences of that for her. In other words, she now has you in an open marriage not of your choosing and either you knock her ass out of it or you suck it up and live with it. THAT CHOICE IS ENTIRELY YOURS.


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## Nucking Futs

Clay2013 said:


> Ask her to leave and go stay at someone else's house for a while. Get a appt with a lawyer. Do not call her or talk to her about anything. Give her a firm case of 180. Start seperating the accounts.
> 
> Don't tell her anything your doing or make any threats.
> 
> Get her lined up for a divorce and show her your serious.
> 
> She will either wake up and see what she has done or you will be divorced. In either case you need to put you FIRST.
> 
> *Never allow a cheater to choose. This is your life not hers. She already made her choice when she put you in second place after all the years you were faithful to her. *
> 
> Personally I am for divorcing a Cheater. I have been down that road to many times in my life and I just feel life is to short to waste time on people that can and will do these things.
> 
> If you stay the course your going then sadly your going to suffer more than you would if you just filed.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> C


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## strugglinghusband

badmemory said:


> *Friend, you're making the same mistake that we see so many betrayed spouses make. Rug sweeping and accepting blame.*
> 
> Your wife is cheating on you. She is 100% to blame; no matter what the marital issues. And, you need to be aware that despite what she's told you, there's a very good chance this has gone physical. Cheater's lie - that's just what they do.
> 
> In her eyes, your reaction is weak and indecisive. It make you look all the more unattractive to her compared to the OM. Stop being her door mat - NOW.
> 
> Your response to this, is simple. You expose her to her family, your family and the OM's wife or SO. She stops contact immediately, sends him a no contact letter that you review and send yourself, admits to the full truth, becomes completely transparent with her communication devices, and demonstrates genuine remorse.
> 
> If she fails to do just one of these things, you start the divorce process and implement the 180 to detach from her. If she doesn't turn around, you complete the D and don't look back.
> 
> Sorry you're here.



This ^^^ x 100, bud do it 100%, no holding back...I will tell you from experience, right now everything you think you should be doing is wrong, taking blame, promising to be a better man blah blah, is only screaming to her "pick me, love me, I'm better than him"....it wont work , been down that road....it may seem like your world is caving in and your gonna die, but it isn't and you wont die.


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## Thor

autocraig, you've gotten great advice. Please don't take it too harshly.



samyeagar said:


> You need to be ready, willing, and able to let her and the marriage go to have any chance of saving it.


QFT. As long as divorce is not an option, you will not be able to do what needs to be done to either kill the affair or bring the marriage to a needed end.



badmemory said:


> Friend, you're making the same mistake that we see so many betrayed spouses make. Rug sweeping and accepting blame.


QFT again. What you're doing is _common_ but always turns out to be ineffective.




badmemory said:


> In her eyes, your reaction is weak and indecisive. It make you look all the more unattractive to her compared to the OM. Stop being her door mat - NOW.


Exactly. This is where the first quote fits in. You have to be ready to end this marriage, which means you have to be strong for yourself and your own best interest. It may seem counter intuitive, but you do look weak and therefore unattractive by professing your love for her and saying how much you want to find a way to save the marriage.

Take the decision away from her. *You* decide to divorce her _unless she proves to you before the divorce can be finalized that there is a good reason you should stay_.

Filing doesn't mean it must go through. But filing does put the burden on her to shape up and do what is necessary to save the marriage. Right now she gets to have both you and OM. Right now she only has to do D- level work. Just enough not to Fail. Just enough to keep you from leaving. But if you file, she has to do A+ work to try to get you to change your mind about divorce.

If you file and she doesn't work to get you back, she was never coming back. You get your answer sooner this way.



Feeling lost and lonely said:


> Do you have kids?


Important question. If so, you have an extra complication. Imho kids are only a tie breaker. If you would flip a coin on whether to stay or go, kids would push the decision to stay. Kids also mean you have to be more strategic and need to discuss with an attorney all the aspects of divorce.



Clay2013 said:


> If you stay the course your going then sadly your going to suffer more than you would if you just filed.


Indecision and inaction will just cause this thing to fester for years. Take strong action now and you will have the best chance of saving your marriage, and if the marriage can't be saved you will get to resolution much faster.


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## Relationship Teacher

autocraig said:


> I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way.


I never snooped on my ex, but did instantly know when something was up (this was many years ago) She would run into the bathroom, awkwardly, and text the OM. I walked in once and she got very startled. Eventually the truth came out and the same thing...... she developed feelings for him. She never recovered from that and always looked elsewhere, as she had zero self-esteem.

This is what no one tells you about cheating. It isn't like a one-off thing and the cheater begs for forgiveness. The lasting effects are dramatic, even if the married couple want to put the pieces back together.

She has to lead this effort.... as it is her that has misplaced intentions. Forcing her to change really doesn't work. Do not act out of desperation or insecurity, it will only hurt you if she does come back to you 100%.


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## ThePheonix

autocraig said:


> She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now.


That my man is womanese for, "this other cat has made me realize it ain't you " . If her romantic interest in you was on par with a woman who loves you and enjoys the marriage, she wouldn't be wanting someone else to harvest from your garden.


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## Omar174

autocraig said:


> Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. Deleting text from her phone. Found out after seeing phone records and seeing the amount of text being sent. Since I found out I have been broken. I have opened up to her more in the past few days than i ever have. I know I have my faults as well but never unfaithful. I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. *She states nothing has been physical only emotional.* She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed. I say and tell her that if she can't tell me what she wants we need to move on but when I see her it changes. I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way.


The only way I might believe that is if the guy lives far away. 

If he is local to you, they've f_cked.

If she is so confused about what she wants, help her out a bit by kicking her ass out of your house. The approach to her moving out should only vary IF you have kids.


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## tech-novelist

You need to read Married Man's Sex Life Primer, *right now*. The author explains exactly what a world of hurt you are in (and in for in the future). Maybe you can turn this around, but you're doing everything wrong so far.


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## Nomorebeans

autocraig, I did all the same things you're doing now when I found out that my now ex-husband was texting with an OW. I didn't find TAM soon enough. I'm not sure I could have saved my marriage if I had, but it's possible I could have. I am sure that I would have at least retained my dignity, that I lost for a while and had to fight to get back.

Because I didn't immediately expose them to EVERYONE, they bonded further, and perpetuated the lie they'd apparently worked out together that they didn't meet until after we separated, and that the separation was initiated by me. Less than a year after I found out, we're divorced and they live together in a house 10 minutes' drive away from mine.

And this man was my husband for 25 years and we have a school-age son together.

I can almost guarantee you your wife's relationship with the OM is already physical. My ex denied that at first, too - they all do - but the truth came out as time went on.

Please follow the advice the other folks are giving you here. Find "The 180." It may seem counter-intuitive, but it's really not. Your wife has detached from you so much that she has found it acceptable in her mind to start an affair and has been lying to you about it. Is that the kind of person you want to stay in a relationship with? If you have a child or children together, I understand first-hand how much that complicates things. But you still cannot allow yourself to be her Plan B while she continues to bond with this guy.

Expose them. Immediately. I sure wish I had done that. Don't worry for a second that it'll just make her angry and drive her away. She's already gone. The only reason you should want her back is if she comes to you begging for forgiveness and promises to comply with everything you ask - i.e., if she's truly remorseful. If she isn't, let her go and move on.

I'm really sorry you're here.


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## harrybrown

Go see your attorney. See about your options for D.

Stop the pick me dance.

She has had hot sex with him.

Tell her to go live with the OM and get out.


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## the guy

What the hell are you doing??
She betrays you and you leave?
She cant commit to the marraige and you beg her?

You want to unconfuse her real quick?
You ask her to leave. Your let her know there is nothing to be confused about cuz you will not share your wife with another man.
This is about what you will and will not tolerate....you can't control her but you can have enough self respect to not beg for your wife.

Sorry you are doing it all wrong!


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## the guy

And one more thing....I'm sure your wife has her faults in this marriage....and I'm guessing you aren't looking for other chicks.

My point is this is all on your wife...you have nothing to do with the choices your wife has made in deceiving you.


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## the guy

Stop being concerned about your wifes wants.
Start showing her what you want tolerate.

See brother you have to get them to start thinking twice in what they are about to lose if they continue.
You want them to start second guessing their choices when you start wishing them the best cuz you can find a women that respects you.

I know it's hard but you have to show her you will let her go and be better off for it.


Stop sharing your wife.. just let her go!
It just might save your marriage.

The sooner you give her a taste of reality with out you the sooner she will get unconfused.


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## Marduk

Here's what you do.

You back up the texts and whatever data you have, because when she decides to re-write history, they will be the first casualty.

You call your lawyer and at least understand what an exit strategy looks like.

You tell her to leave the house and go be with him if that's what she wants. When she waffles, tell her to sleep in another room because your marriage bed isn't hers any more.

You disclose the affair to some select members of friends and family. This way, you'll get support and she won't get to re-write history.

You then put a giant smile on your face and pretend like she's someone who's living in your house that you'd rather she be living somewhere else. Be gone a lot. Be social. Be good to yourself -- sleeping and eating and exercising. Whatever you do, don't beg, plead, or ultimatum her.

If she turns around and drops the guy and apologizes, maybe you can make a go of it. But it doesn't look good man.


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## Naku

strugglinghusband said:


> This ^^^ x 100, bud do it 100%, no holding back...I will tell you from experience, right now everything you think you should be doing is wrong, taking blame, promising to be a better man blah blah, is only screaming to her "pick me, love me, I'm better than him"....it wont work , been down that road....it may seem like your world is caving in and your gonna die, but it isn't and you wont die.


I want to stress that this is correct. I was in a similar situation. You can still rescue the situation and make your marriage fantastic. Here are the instructions.

1) You have to be firm that you will not share her or let her test drive a new boyfriend. It is a great, great sign of weakness to allow it. It also tells her that you don't care enough about her to forbid her having sex with another man. It's a tremendous showing of weakness and will be a TURN OFF for her. Being resolute and strong and having respect for yourself will show her that you're not a wuss. She does not want to be married to a wuss.

2) If you let her "Find herself", you will either lose her or take her back after she tries out/has been tried out by a few guys. Guaranteed, she will sleep with one of your friends or mutual acquaintances. You must have standards. Tell her that you will not share her, that if she has sex with anyone else. That you will fight for her, but you draw the line there.

3) Get yourself a copy of "Married Man Sex Life Primer", by Athol Kay immediately. Also read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", by Robert Glover.

4) Read this now: How Walkaway Wives Run a Dirty MAP | Married Man Sex Life

My wife wanted to date other men. I put my foot down and then did what i needed to do. Don't reverse the order. 

You can do it. Good Luck.


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## 6301

autocraig said:


> She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional.


 What I see is she dropped this in your lap and wants you to figure it out. Big mistake.

She caused this problem. She owns it and is responsible for it. My advice is this. Time for you to take her bag of dirty laundry off your neck and give it back to her, Let her know that if she can't make her mind up, then she can have all the time in the world to figure it out but not under the same roof. There's only room for one man and one woman in that house and your not going to share it with anyone so tell her to pack up and go figure it out.

Let her do the soul searching. If she can't make her mind up then make it for her but don't let her wiggle off he own situation or you lose.


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## Evinrude58

My ex started texting MULTIPLE other men in late January, sending them nude pics, etc.
In Late March, she wanted a divorce, told me nothing about the affairs she was having, and blamed EVERYTHING on ME.

It absolutely devastated me. I begged. I cried, I tried to use LOGIC---- that made her literally RUN for freedom from me.

I was in actual shock at the thought of losing my family. Every single thing I did to try to win her back (before I found out about the cheating), was all just energizing her with power over me and SHE WAS DRUNK ON IT!

She actually told me all the touching and sweetness I was doing repulsed her.


I know you are in the pain of your life, but if you could just STOP, LISTEN, and DO what people who have experienced this are telling you, there may be a tiny chance that you could come out of this o.k.

First, let me say that once a woman starts giving her emotions to another man, starts looking forward to another man's words, time, and most importantly, sexual stimulation---- they CHANGE. Absolutely CHANGE from the person you always knew. You won't recognize them. They DO NOT LOVE YOU any more. She is just ashamed to tell you that, but you can see it all over her face, can you not???? She is ashamed, she feels guilt, and she is "confused". 

Let me tell you--- she is not CONFUSED about anything other than how she is going to get out of this marriage to you with all your money and security that you provided, and still have the freedom to F**K other men. You are providing that security right now, by allowing her to stay. 

Please do this:

AT least try to kick her out. Get mad, even if you have to act or force yourself. KICK HER OUT. You can't legally, but don't let her know that. DO NOT get physical with her in any way, and have a VAR (voice activated recorder) in your pocket when you do this. Have it velcroed under the seat of her car before and after, and you will be shocked at all the F'ing she's been doing with this guy, and how she is laughing at you with the Other Man, and repulsed by you. This may provide the impetus for you to kick her ass out.

Go completely dark on her. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done, and your mind will be screaming at you to call her or text her. IF YOU DO, THIS IS OVER. That provides power for her and confidence. If you can go dark and not contact her, you can at least remove the security blanket that you've provided, make her worry, and possibly get her back. 

Once she is BEGGING, and only then, to come back (and she probably never will) you can see if you still want to reconcile.

Please, don't do what I did and cry and beg. It's such a colossal failure. It will only rob you of your dignity.

Understand that she DOES NOT LOVE YOU, no matter what anyone says. She likely NEVER WILL AGAIN. But, I promise you will absolute certainty that if you try to win her back with kindness, it will have the exact opposite effect and you will NEVER see her return.

If you act like a strong person, and kick her out, file for divorce, and go dark on her, there is an extremely remote chance she will be forced out of this fantasy she is involved in. It's just a fantasy. If you want to test that, get online on the dating sites and see just how incredibly easy it is to have 10 women eager to see you, have sex with you, and virtually do anything you ever dreamed of just to get you to consider having a long-term relationship with them. They'll send you nude pics and do anything you want and tell you that you are the most fantastic person they've ever "met". That you are their soulmate. I know, it's sad. But that's what your wife is into-- a fantasy. And a fantasy in the mind is the most powerful thing there is. You either have to bust that fantasy bubble, or she will remain in it indefinitely. She WILL CHOOSE the other man over you.
I know it sounds crazy, because it is. Now that her feelings are gone, they likely will never return. Almost a 100% chance they won't.

ANd for that reason, you have got to get your head around the fact that the life you thought you had is gone. But take heart, your life is not over and you WILL find someone that appreciates you.
Don't let her break you. Be a man and follow the instructions you are given. Don't be like me. I was in absolute horror until I accepted that my ex wife was total trash. Once you accept it, you can rebuild your life and be happier than ever. But you will have a lot of grief for a while. It's part of it, and for that I am so very sorry.

Review:
Yes, she is cheating.
Yes, she is having sex with him unless far away as stated.
No, she does not have ANY love for you.
No, this problem will not go away.
No, you cannot nice her back.
No, logic is not going to work.
No, you are not the reason for this no matter what she says or you believe. It's her.
No, your life isn't over.
Yes, you WILL get over this, in spite of what you feel. And I DO know how bad it is.
Yes, women will find you attractive and yes, you are worthy of it.
Yes, she will fail with the OM because he is a loser who is interested in another man's wife.
No, she won't want you back. If she comes back it's because you are PLAN B. 
Yes, you will be plan B'd again if you nice her back.

Force her to choose. DO IT NOW!


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## jorgegene

"First, let me say that once a woman starts giving her emotions to another man, starts looking forward to another man's words, time, and most importantly, sexual stimulation---- they CHANGE. Absolutely CHANGE from the person you always knew. You won't recognize them. They DO NOT LOVE YOU any more. She is just ashamed to tell you that, but you can see it all over her face, can you not???? She is ashamed, she feels guilt, and she is "confused". Evinrude58

if they ever really did love you, or understand the real meaning of love. in many cases, i rather doubt it.


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## G.J.

Read again all the reply's

Do you see some thing they all have in common

Ignore the advice given here by people *WHO HAVE BEEN IN YOUR POSITION* at your own peril


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## JohnA

Understand how you react to this situation will define you, not that it has happened. You are a 35 year old adult. This will define your adulthood. Do not be John Wayne, be the adult who gathers info, studies options, makes a decision and pushs forward. 

First do you have children and do you own or rent ? How complex are your finances ? 

But aside your pain, study these links

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Critical Readings For Separation and Divorce - LoveShack.org Community Forums

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## Be smart

Sorry you are here my friend.

First thing you need to do is stop beging your wife to leave this man. She already lost all respect and love for you.

Her saying that they never had sex,it was only EA is a BIG LIE. She is lying in your face. Stop trusting her words. 

Is this OM her co-worker,ex-boyfriend,neighbour,close friend ? I belive he is,and your wife is seeing him almost every day. 

What you need to do right now is to Expose her Affair to family and close friends. 
Also save those texts,mails for your own sake,because she is going to blame you for her Affair.
Talk with your lawyer and see your rights.
Stop sleeping with her,kick her out of your room or better out of your house. 
Respect yourself,because if you dont then dont expect it from her or someone else.

Stay strong my friend.


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## turnera

marduk said:


> Here's what you do.
> 
> You back up the texts and whatever data you have, because when she decides to re-write history, they will be the first casualty.
> 
> You call your lawyer and at least understand what an exit strategy looks like.
> 
> You tell her to leave the house and go be with him if that's what she wants. When she waffles, tell her to sleep in another room because your marriage bed isn't hers any more.
> 
> You disclose the affair to some select members of friends and family. This way, you'll get support and she won't get to re-write history.
> 
> You then put a giant smile on your face and pretend like she's someone who's living in your house that you'd rather she be living somewhere else. Be gone a lot. Be social. Be good to yourself -- sleeping and eating and exercising. Whatever you do, don't beg, plead, or ultimatum her.
> 
> If she turns around and drops the guy and apologizes, maybe you can make a go of it. But it doesn't look good man.


Please follow this advice. I've watched hundreds and hundreds of men over the past 20 years do what you are doing - 'letting' her choose what to do. And I think out of all those hundreds, one two women came back to the marriage that way. 

Of the women who DID stay in their marriages, all but those two did so AFTER the husband said - confidently yet lovingly - I love you but I won't share you. You either come back to the marriage 100% and remove this man FOR FOREVER, or I'll help you move out. You don't belong here if you're going to cheat. And I WILL file for 100% custody, as my kids don't belong in a house with a cheating parent.

She NEEDS you to be strong, calm, confident, and UNWILLING to share her or wait for her to 'get her feelings back.' 

When she refuses to stop contacting him, you IMMEDIATELY sit down and call her parents, her siblings, her best friend, and her pastor, and inform them all she's having an affair. You tell them "I want to save the marriage but she has to give up this fantasy man or I can't stay. I'm willing to look at the marriage and my contributions and see if there's anything she's missing, but I won't do it if he is still in the picture. And if she gives him up and we try to make it work and she still doesn't want to stay married, I will walk away with 50/50 custody of the kids. But I will not do any of that as long as she's still contacting this man she's addicted to like a drug."

And then you sit back and wait. Will she be mad at you? Of course. Good. She should be mad. That means the exposure works. It makes her question what she's doing. 

She NEEDS you to be the strong one, to help her over her addiction to the high she gets when contacting him. (the same high, btw, that you two felt when YOU were dating - look up PEA chemicals).

If you aren't willing to stand up and fight this, you may as well just give up, move out, and give up your kids.


----------



## Lots to Learn

Evinrude58 said:


> My ex started texting MULTIPLE other men in late January, sending them nude pics, etc.
> In Late March, she wanted a divorce, told me nothing about the affairs she was having, and blamed EVERYTHING on ME.
> 
> It absolutely devastated me. I begged. I cried, I tried to use LOGIC---- that made her literally RUN for freedom from me.
> 
> I was in actual shock at the thought of losing my family. Every single thing I did to try to win her back (before I found out about the cheating), was all just energizing her with power over me and SHE WAS DRUNK ON IT!
> 
> She actually told me all the touching and sweetness I was doing repulsed her.
> 
> 
> I know you are in the pain of your life, but if you could just STOP, LISTEN, and DO what people who have experienced this are telling you, there may be a tiny chance that you could come out of this o.k.
> 
> First, let me say that once a woman starts giving her emotions to another man, starts looking forward to another man's words, time, and most importantly, sexual stimulation---- they CHANGE. Absolutely CHANGE from the person you always knew. You won't recognize them. They DO NOT LOVE YOU any more. She is just ashamed to tell you that, but you can see it all over her face, can you not???? She is ashamed, she feels guilt, and she is "confused".
> 
> Let me tell you--- she is not CONFUSED about anything other than how she is going to get out of this marriage to you with all your money and security that you provided, and still have the freedom to F**K other men. You are providing that security right now, by allowing her to stay.
> 
> Please do this:
> 
> AT least try to kick her out. Get mad, even if you have to act or force yourself. KICK HER OUT. You can't legally, but don't let her know that. DO NOT get physical with her in any way, and have a VAR (voice activated recorder) in your pocket when you do this. Have it velcroed under the seat of her car before and after, and you will be shocked at all the F'ing she's been doing with this guy, and how she is laughing at you with the Other Man, and repulsed by you. This may provide the impetus for you to kick her ass out.
> 
> Go completely dark on her. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done, and your mind will be screaming at you to call her or text her. IF YOU DO, THIS IS OVER. That provides power for her and confidence. If you can go dark and not contact her, you can at least remove the security blanket that you've provided, make her worry, and possibly get her back.
> 
> Once she is BEGGING, and only then, to come back (and she probably never will) you can see if you still want to reconcile.
> 
> Please, don't do what I did and cry and beg. It's such a colossal failure. It will only rob you of your dignity.
> 
> Understand that she DOES NOT LOVE YOU, no matter what anyone says. She likely NEVER WILL AGAIN. But, I promise you will absolute certainty that if you try to win her back with kindness, it will have the exact opposite effect and you will NEVER see her return.
> 
> If you act like a strong person, and kick her out, file for divorce, and go dark on her, there is an extremely remote chance she will be forced out of this fantasy she is involved in. It's just a fantasy. If you want to test that, get online on the dating sites and see just how incredibly easy it is to have 10 women eager to see you, have sex with you, and virtually do anything you ever dreamed of just to get you to consider having a long-term relationship with them. They'll send you nude pics and do anything you want and tell you that you are the most fantastic person they've ever "met". That you are their soulmate. I know, it's sad. But that's what your wife is into-- a fantasy. And a fantasy in the mind is the most powerful thing there is. You either have to bust that fantasy bubble, or she will remain in it indefinitely. She WILL CHOOSE the other man over you.
> I know it sounds crazy, because it is. Now that her feelings are gone, they likely will never return. Almost a 100% chance they won't.
> 
> ANd for that reason, you have got to get your head around the fact that the life you thought you had is gone. But take heart, your life is not over and you WILL find someone that appreciates you.
> Don't let her break you. Be a man and follow the instructions you are given. Don't be like me. I was in absolute horror until I accepted that my ex wife was total trash. Once you accept it, you can rebuild your life and be happier than ever. But you will have a lot of grief for a while. It's part of it, and for that I am so very sorry.
> 
> Review:
> Yes, she is cheating.
> Yes, she is having sex with him unless far away as stated.
> No, she does not have ANY love for you.
> No, this problem will not go away.
> No, you cannot nice her back.
> No, logic is not going to work.
> No, you are not the reason for this no matter what she says or you believe. It's her.
> No, your life isn't over.
> Yes, you WILL get over this, in spite of what you feel. And I DO know how bad it is.
> Yes, women will find you attractive and yes, you are worthy of it.
> Yes, she will fail with the OM because he is a loser who is interested in another man's wife.
> No, she won't want you back. If she comes back it's because you are PLAN B.
> Yes, you will be plan B'd again if you nice her back.
> 
> Force her to choose. DO IT NOW!


This is great advice..

Your opening post we have all read pretty much verbatim. It's scary. We know it's hard please take some of the great advice being offered yo you.

Keep posting!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad

badmemory said:


> Friend, you're making the same mistake that we see so many betrayed spouses make. Rug sweeping and accepting blame.
> 
> Your wife is cheating on you. She is 100% to blame; no matter what the marital issues. And, you need to be aware that despite what she's told you, there's a very good chance this has gone physical. Cheater's lie - that's just what they do.
> 
> In her eyes, your reaction is weak and indecisive. It makes you look all the more unattractive to her compared to the OM. Stop being her door mat - NOW.
> 
> Your response to this, is simple. You expose her to her family, your family and the OM's wife or SO. She stops contact immediately, sends him a no contact letter that you review and send yourself, admits to the full truth, becomes completely transparent with her communication devices, and demonstrates genuine remorse.
> 
> If she fails to do just one of these things, you start the divorce process and implement the 180 to detach from her. If she doesn't turn around, you complete the D and don't look back.
> 
> Sorry you're here.


For god's sake, will a mod sticky this please. 

Cheating damage control 101...


----------



## WasDecimated

Autocraig, Don't be fooled by my screen name. I chose it before I found my balls.

You have been given a lot of great advice here...follow it!
The steps you need to be taking now will seen counter-intuitive but it's your only chance.

I'm not going to recite all of the details of my story for you because frankly you don't have time to read about all of my failures. My story started out exactly like yours. I discovered XWW was texting some POS by reviewing the cell phone bill. She claimed they were just friends...blah blah. I responded the same way you are right now. I kissed her ass for a year while she "made up her mind". I did the "pick me dance" and everything else I could possibly do to win her back. It was was the most torturous hell you can imagine for me, and it was a huge waste of time and effort. She gave me just enough scraps to keep me thinking there was hope. Guess what? she was just stringing me along as plan B. The truth is, she wasn't just texting the clown, she was banging him while I was at work or while I was at home with the kids! 

Another thing to think about. Even if she chooses you, your marriage will never be the same. Once women fall out of love, they don't come back. Just because shes there physically, doesn't mean shes is there emotionally. You will spend the rest of your life keeping tabs on her, checking on her stories, wondering who she is with or where she's going. When she's dreaming, who do suppose she will be thinking about? sadly, it won't be you. Do you really want a life like that? She's just showed you who she really is...and what she is capable of. When someone show you who they are...believe them! 

I deeply regret not coming down on my XWW like a ton of bricks as soon as I found out about the texts. I should have filled for D immediately and asked questions later. I'm deeply ashamed at the way I handled everything. Looking back at what a P***Y I was, I wouldn't have stayed with me either. Women can't love a man they don't respect. They don't respect someone who lets them walk all over them.

Autocraig, don't be like me. Do a 180, file for D and see what happens. If she wakes up and is completely remorseful, you can always halt the process.


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## MattMatt

You must get tested for STDs and HIV ASAP.

But your wife hasn't cheated on you physically?

How could you trust the word of a cheater?

And if you have children, get them DNA tested. This is not necessarily to confirm parentage. It is a way of shocking your wife into realising how wicked and evil she has become.


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## Evinrude58

Oh,
And be prepared for her to bushwhack you with little phrases like "I'm confused" (she's already done that one), "I love you but I'm not in love with you", "I'm not attracted to you anymore", "he makes me feel loved", "I just want to be free from all this", CLASSIC "I need some space to get my head right", etc.

You will get the "I need to move out for a while to get some space and see if I can figure this out" very soon, most likely. That's cheaterspeak for "you're watching me too closely and I'm not getting enough strange OM **** Lately". That's why you should kick her out-- she'll leave anyway.

She will also likely offer you sex once in a while to keep you on the hook for plan B. Expect it. She likely won't even kiss you during sex, because you repulse her and she doesn't really want to have sex with you because she wants to be loyal to the OM-- crazy, I know.

She'll do lots of little phrases that will mindF88K you and give you hope, then say she doesn't want to be married to you anymore the next day. She makes you want to get reassurance from her so she can throw it in your face that she doesn't want you and get powerdrunk some more. She'll give you hope, just to keep you as plan B. This stuff is horribly painful.
YET ANOTHER REASON to get her out of your life. Are you strong enough? You damn well better make yourself--- or she's as good as gone. Your only hope is to show her she has a MAN at home, not some sniveling Pu**y like I acted like. We know you're in shock. No excuses here, man up and do this. Give her papers and kick her out. The more you act like you DON"T GIVE A F**K, the more she will lure you in with hope and come closer to check you out. The more you act like a lovesick puppy, the further away you will push her. If you want hope, ACT LIKE YOU DON't CARE.
I know how hard it is, especially for days, then weeks at a time. DO IT!!!!!
Do it like your marriage depends on it. IT DOES.

Get her out of your life and away from you as quickly as possible. Having her around is too hard to bear. I know it is.

Screw the posters that say you should show her what she's giving up by being good to her. IT will not work. you will see this. She already knew you before she started cheating. Think about that. She didn't care. Now show her the cold shoulder. If anything will work, taking away her security blanket and letting her see you are a man that doesn't tolerate BS will make her think twice.

And yes EXPOSE THIS TO EVERYONE. Save all incriminating texts and evidence of ANY KIND.
Good luck


----------



## Lots to Learn

Evinrude58 said:


> Oh,
> And be prepared for her to bushwhack you with little phrases like "I'm confused" (she's already done that one), "I love you but I'm not in love with you", "I'm not attracted to you anymore", "he makes me feel loved", "I just want to be free from all this", CLASSIC "I need some space to get my head right", etc.
> 
> You will get the "I need to move out for a while to get some space and see if I can figure this out" very soon, most likely. That's cheaterspeak for "you're watching me too closely and I'm not getting enough strange OM **** Lately". That's why you should kick her out-- she'll leave anyway.
> 
> She will also likely offer you sex once in a while to keep you on the hook for plan B. Expect it. She likely won't even kiss you during sex, because you repulse her and she doesn't really want to have sex with you because she wants to be loyal to the OM-- crazy, I know.
> 
> She'll do lots of little phrases that will mindF88K you and give you hope, then say she doesn't want to be married to you anymore the next day. She makes you want to get reassurance from her so she can throw it in your face that she doesn't want you and get powerdrunk some more. She'll give you hope, just to keep you as plan B. This stuff is horribly painful.
> YET ANOTHER REASON to get her out of your life. Are you strong enough? You damn well better make yourself--- or she's as good as gone. Your only hope is to show her she has a MAN at home, not some sniveling Pu**y like I acted like. We know you're in shock. No excuses here, man up and do this. Give her papers and kick her out. The more you act like you DON"T GIVE A F**K, the more she will lure you in with hope and come closer to check you out. The more you act like a lovesick puppy, the further away you will push her. If you want hope, ACT LIKE YOU DON't CARE.
> I know how hard it is, especially for days, then weeks at a time. DO IT!!!!!
> Do it like your marriage depends on it. IT DOES.
> 
> Get her out of your life and away from you as quickly as possible. Having her around is too hard to bear. I know it is.
> 
> Screw the posters that say you should show her what she's giving up by being good to her. IT will not work. you will see this. She already knew you before she started cheating. Think about that. She didn't care. Now show her the cold shoulder. If anything will work, taking away her security blanket and letting her see you are a man that doesn't tolerate BS will make her think twice.
> 
> And yes EXPOSE THIS TO EVERYONE. Save all incriminating texts and evidence of ANY KIND.
> Good luck


Brother I'd give a lot to go tip a few with you. You are bang on as always. I'm so happy to be at a point where I can say that.

OP, we have all been there. We know this all sounds crazy, and you are likely thinking ... Not my wife, we a different. Regrettably it the same story over and over. Heartbreaking we know. I encourage you to spend a few days reading posts in this forum. You will see your story over and over again. 

Talk to us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878

You just gave her complete control of you and the whole situation. HUGE MISTAKE!!!!!


[I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional. She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed.]

Translation: I am weak, timid and am willing to be your doormat.

You'd better wake up quick if you want to salvage this.

Being weak and timid here will give her to her other man.


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## Evinrude58

Lots to Learn said:


> Brother I'd give a lot to go tip a few with you. You are bang on as always. I'm so happy to be at a point where I can say that.
> 
> OP, we have all been there. We know this all sounds crazy, and you are likely thinking ... Not my wife, we a different. Regrettably it the same story over and over. Heartbreaking we know. I encourage you to spend a few days reading posts in this forum. You will see your story over and over again.
> 
> Talk to us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't listen to this advice from TAM ---I'm divorced. A hard lesson, I wish OP could learn from. Cheaters are vampires. Suck the life out if you let em.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt

Evinrude58 said:


> I didn't listen to this advice from TAM ---I'm divorced. A hard lesson, I wish OP could learn from. Cheaters are vampires. Suck the life out *if you let em.*


Just for emphasis.


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## Sports Fan

As much as it sucks and belive me i know you need to listen up good.

Im going to give you some harsh realities that are not intended to offend.

You have gone about this all wrong. 

If she is carrying on that she is not sure what she wants and has feelings for him chances are it has gone physical.

Do not believe anything a cheater says.

Begging her and telling her you will do anything it takes is not the way to go about it. You are coming accross weak and pathetic.

You need to immediately do the following

1) If you have any joint accounts clean them out and put the money into your own personal account. Do not worry about the moarlity of it. Lawyers will work that out later.

2) If you support her financially emotionally, whatever, stop doing so immediately. You are only financing and enabling her adultry towards you.

3) Pack her stuff and move it into the spare room. It is vital that she moves not you. You are not the one being punished. She did the wrong thing so she goes.

4) Visit a divorce lawyer find out your rights and have her served. 

5) As much as it hurts never cry, or show emotion in front of her. Cry, and weep in Private but never around her. It just shows her how weak you are and validates her choice to pursue a new more alpha partner

6) Expose to other mans wife/girlfriend if one exisits and to your wifes family.

The sooner you do the above the better. You cannot nice her out of this. Its called the Fog.

The above action will serve to hopefully snap her out of the fog and back into reality. By exposing the affair and taking tough action with consequences you are taking away their dirty little fantasy and bringing it into the real world where real world relationships face real issues. Once you turn the screws their affair most likely wont be such a desirable thing for them anymore as they can no longer cake eat and enjoy the benefits that marriage has to offer


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## arbitrator

autocraig said:


> Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. Deleting text from her phone. Found out after seeing phone records and seeing the amount of text being sent. Since I found out I have been broken. I have opened up to her more in the past few days than i ever have. I know I have my faults as well but never unfaithful. I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional. She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed. I say and tell her that if she can't tell me what she wants we need to move on but when I see her it changes. I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way.


*Sad to say, you have been delegated to "Plan B" status, until such time that her "Plan A" kicks in!

Having said that, take nothing for granted! The timelines on your phone statement are not lying to you! She says it was only emotional,
but do the pangs from your "gut" perhaps tell you otherwise?

You would be wise to consult with your attorney post haste, and on your way over there, stop by your MD's office for a test to determine if you've acquired a STD. 

Just because she told you that it was only "emotional" doesn't exactly mean that she's been physically faithful to the marriage! Why would her word be "golden?" Most everyone with just one ounce of common sense knows that whatever a cheater vasilatingly says is rarely ever considered to be truthful! It is so much more convenient for them to lie about the existence of their affair, when in effect, it has made them "naked and unclothed" for all of the world to see!

Notwithstanding, the documented texting and endless phone calls to her OM sure hasn't exuded faithfulness!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

Is Autocraig sort of the opposite of Manualcraig?


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## TaDor

Go to couples counseling right NOW. Set up an appointment today.

EA (Emotional Affair) leads to sex eventually. Just a one-off drunken sex is nothing. Somewhere is a sticky about buying a VAR Voice Audio Recorder, SONY and putting tracking software on the phone. But as many others have posted, when the cheater is caught, you only get pieces of info that the cheater is willing to give. Next, "we just kissed"... and "okay, I went down on him"...

Start doing research on repairing YOUR relationship. One of the things that HURT relationships is a 3rd person. He's already your enemy. He's got nothing to lose. He's new and exciting!

A 3rd person is already the poison. She should be talking to married friends for advice, but she should be talking to you. if not, she'll likely leave you.

Its been a few months, its likely physical.

Look up "how to groom a woman". Is drinking involved? She have an illnesses?

She isn't talking to you much NOW, because you're not her #1.

Question, does her phone have a password on it that YOU don't know? if yes, then consider them as having sex.
Find out who he is. If her phone is accessible, look at installing a hidden app to report its GPS location and it'll save her text messages for you. 
This is how I knew things were going bad, I saw strange message like the OM coming over when I'm not and I monitored and saved the info.

Go to a library or order books on relationships.

If she doesn't want to get therapy with you - then you need to get a lawyer soon. if she has no desire to save your marriage - then you can't save it by yourself.


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## aine

She has the upper hand and you are basically being a door mat in order to try and keep her, she will have no respect for you. You need to rock her world (and not in a good way), take the rug from under her and let her see you will not be treated like this.
You tell her you love her but her EA is unacceptable and there is no way you will work on the marriage as long as she engages in the EA. If she insists on pursuing the EA, she can move out of the house immediately, you have not done anything wrong.
In the mean time you get IC for yourself, do the 180 hard on her and appear as if you are taking her at her word and moving on with your life. Go and see a lawyer to see what your options are, let her know that is what you are doing.
Tell her you are willing to get counselling together but the OM must be out of her life completely, she must write a no contact letter and delete all his contact information.

I am sorry if I am repeating what others have probably said but you must take control of this situation and no she does not get to sleep in the same bed as you, she moves to the other room and if insists on pursuing the EA she leaves, it is this simple.


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## Evinrude58

It's just a phase. Wait a while and it will blow over.
Be really nice to her and show her what a good man you are, then show her you trust her by not doing any snooping. 
Let's see, also tell her you love her a lot and look for lots af reassurance.
Last of all, don't tell any of her friends and relatives, and make sure she knows you don't want a divorce. 
She needs to know you are there for her.
Take two aspirin and it'll be ok in the morning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dash74

Decimated said:


> Autocraig, Don't be fooled by my screen name. I chose it before I found my balls.



Decimated or decimate from Latin word decimatio meaning removal of a tenth

If she only got a tenth of your pride, sanity, balls, and time worrying about her. 

Then the name is an excellent allegory for you my friend so own it


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## dash74

bandit.45 said:


> Is Autocraig sort of the opposite of Manualcraig?


Autocraig











Manualcraig


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## EleGirl

Autocraig,

I merged your two threads as they were on the same topic.


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## thummper

Hmmmm. Seems as though autocraig has perhaps lost interest in posting on the thread. Be nice to know how things are going for him.


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## WasDecimated

dash74 said:


> Decimated or decimate from Latin word decimatio meaning removal of a tenth
> 
> If she only got a tenth of your pride, sanity, balls, and time worrying about her.
> 
> Then the name is an excellent allegory for you my friend so own it


Thanks Dash, That's interesting to know. I wish she had only gotten a tenth of my investments and retirement!


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## arbitrator

* No offense, but "Manualcraig" looks just like a pecan sheller!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## autocraig

Thanks everyone for all the replies. I have told her to leave the house...that I couldn't be in the same house with her right now and not to call or text me. Probably had my head in the sand for awhile but trying to get it out. Thinking about seeing a lawyer this week. We do not have kids as we could not have any. Realize maybe handled some things wrong but is what it is. I know she is probably not coming back and I've come to starting to accept it. Again thanks to everyone.


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## Marduk

autocraig said:


> Thanks everyone for all the replies. I have told her to leave the house...that I couldn't be in the same house with her right now and not to call or text me. Probably had my head in the sand for awhile but trying to get it out. Thinking about seeing a lawyer this week. We do not have kids as we could not have any. Realize maybe handled some things wrong but is what it is. I know she is probably not coming back and I've come to starting to accept it. Again thanks to everyone.


How did she take it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## autocraig

She was pissed; but I just think she is more mad about finding somewhere else to go than me actually kicking her out. Just trying to make her a little uncomfortable and get her out of her comfort zone. Not saying that I would even take her back at his point but I am not gonna watch her fall more in love with someone else while we are living under the same roof. I am not gonna wait for when its convenient for her to leave me.


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## Marduk

autocraig said:


> She was pissed; but I just think she is more mad about finding somewhere else to go than me actually kicking her out. Just trying to make her a little uncomfortable and get her out of her comfort zone. Not saying that I would even take her back at his point but I am not gonna watch her fall more in love with someone else while we are living under the same roof.


If you're right, she's mad because you didn't follow her exit plan. 

She's been gone a long time. 

If she tries to come back in a couple weeks, it's because she hooked up with him and played house but it didn't work out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

Good job.
Chicks love confident men and thst showed pure confidence.

Making the affair as uncomfortable and as inconvenient as possible is the first step.

Soon she will see that her fantasy man is not what she thought and will be knocking on your door.

Soon she will be chasing you!

She will start to get clearity once the affair fog clears and want to talk.

Face ...it's not nearly as thrilling when the affair is out in the open. Now that you confronted her it is time to expose this and inform her family you will no longer share her with another man.....no matter how much you love her.

Again exposure is another way to make the affair as uncomfortable and inconvenient as possible....that and it prevents you looking like the bad when your old lady tries to rewrite the history of this relationship.

Trust me start sending out emails exposing the affair and why you took the action you needed to take.


----------



## the guy

Another about exposure is it is a sever consequence that if she faces this and still wants to be with then she really means it.

Often when the way ward spouse is not exposed they will tell the betrayed spouse what they want to hear and continue to take the affair deepeer underground.

She will respond either two ways 1) except this consequence and learn from it or 2) tell you " I was going to try to work it out but since you told my parents we are history....

In this case she was never going to be your again any way.

I hope she excepts her consequences and works it out with you.

But most guys...this kind of **** is a dealbreaker....especialy if she has been phucking the other guy.


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## Evinrude58

Well,
You are thinking much more clearly than I was at this point. What you said about not letting her wait until it was convenient for her to leave was absolutely correct.

You CANNOT control what she does, other than asking her to leave, divorcing her, and making sure you don't get screwed too badly in the divorce by getting a lawyer and having him fix you up with the papers for her to sign.

IF you continue to show strength and DON'T talk to her about anything at all, and force her to start her mind to thinking about how her life is really going to be with her new guy; she may very well start flip-flopping on whether or not she really likes the guy. He will show his true colors when she is in a position to move in with him or whatever. When he starts feeling tied down to this one woman, we'll see if he is really serious or just using her for sex, which is most likely. When she sees he is only out for sex, it will crush her and she will hate him.
OR, he really loves her and she loves him and you are better off because you didn't sacrifice your dignity by groveling for her affection that she is unwilling to give.

Now you have to ask yourself when she comes begging for another chance----- Do I want to have a wife that valued my love and affection and loyalty with so little a price?

My goodness, this stuff is so painful. I am so sorry you have to go through it. But, I am certain that putting her down the road is the only thing to do. Many men and women have gone through it.
This is NOT your fault, and you will see it after many months.
Don't let her convince you it is, and don't let her convince you that you deserved this. In order to sate her own conscience, it will require her putting guilt on you. Don't let her. Make her own it. If you will expose this to her friends and family, she will be FORCED to own it, and that's what you should do, along with documenting all evidence. She is going to be even more pissed when you out her--- don't let that stop you. In order to keep her friends from telling her she's wrong and making her feel worse, she has to demonize YOU. That's why you expose the affair to her friends and family. You don't want her demonizing you and her naive friends and family SUPPORTING her in leaving you and having her affair. By them knowing what she has done and not supporting her, this is yet another reason for her to stop the affair.

File, don't wait and see, FILE!
EXPOSE
SEPARATE
GO DARK

These 3 things will either break her affair and she will beg to come back, or she will leave and you have not degraded yourself--- and you have been forced to begin to detach and accept her leaving.

How could this be the wrong thing to do?

I'm glad you are seeing so clearly. The faster you accept, the faster you will heal.


----------



## Thound

autocraig said:


> She was pissed; but I just think she is more mad about finding somewhere else to go than me actually kicking her out. Just trying to make her a little uncomfortable and get her out of her comfort zone. Not saying that I would even take her back at his point but I am not gonna watch her fall more in love with someone else while we are living under the same roof. I am not gonna wait for when its convenient for her to leave me.


You are now on your way to a better life either way.


----------



## Be smart

Nice update my friend. Now you have to be even stronger. 

You know your wife is going to come back after 1-2 weeks and after she talks and sleeps with OM.

Dont be Plan B. 

one more thing,you should Expose this. Dont let her spread bad stories about you and how abusing you are.
Look after yourself.

Talk with lawyer as soon as possible and protect your rights.

Stay strong.


----------



## Sports Fan

Evinrude58 said:


> It's just a phase. Wait a while and it will blow over.
> Be really nice to her and show her what a good man you are, then show her you trust her by not doing any snooping.
> Let's see, also tell her you love her a lot and look for lots af reassurance.
> Last of all, don't tell any of her friends and relatives, and make sure she knows you don't want a divorce.
> She needs to know you are there for her.
> Take two aspirin and it'll be ok in the morning.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I picked up on your sarcasm but be careful. The poster might actually believe you and follow your advice. He seems to be in denial and unwilling to face realities of what needs to be done


----------



## Sports Fan

autocraig said:


> Thanks everyone for all the replies. I have told her to leave the house...that I couldn't be in the same house with her right now and not to call or text me. Probably had my head in the sand for awhile but trying to get it out. Thinking about seeing a lawyer this week. We do not have kids as we could not have any. Realize maybe handled some things wrong but is what it is. I know she is probably not coming back and I've come to starting to accept it. Again thanks to everyone.


Altough not guaranteed there is a strong chance she will come back grovelling. Especially if other man is married. You would most likely find he will throw her under the bus and drop her like a bad habbit in order to preserve his marriage and save his arse.

If this happens than she will most likely come back to you as her Plan B.

If you consider taking her back you need to lay out strong ground rules to ensure this doesn't happen again.

But for now one step at a time. Take care of yourself


----------



## Evinrude58

Sports Fan said:


> I picked up on your sarcasm but be careful. The poster might actually believe you and follow your advice. He seems to be in denial and unwilling to face realities of what needs to be done


I saw this same other thread started and wondered if it was a troll.
I think AutoCraig is handling this well. I didn't mean to be a smart-arse to a real person... You are right...


----------



## jnj express

Next thing you do is go to the bank, set up your own private bank account, then take all but $5, out of your joint account with her, and fix it so any money coming in which you earn goes only to your account, also cancel any joint CC's. Then you tell her as to marital bills in re: house, car, insurances, utilities, CC's, that WERE joint,----she is responsible for her half, starting NOW, if she demands to return to the marital home, give her a small room somewhere in the house, tell her that is where she sleeps, and keeps ALL HER BELONGINGS-------if nothing else, I promise you this will wake her up, to the reality of what is happening!!!!!!!


----------



## autocraig

Again thanks everyone for all post and replies. Find myself getting stronger everyday and dealing with the situation. Eating, sleeping and excercising again. Thought my life was over but realizing its not. And realizing that this marriage probably isn't going work or end well as time continues to go on. Still have her out of the house and still have had little to no contact with her in the past couple days. Thought freezing her out of my life would do some good. Maybe not ; who knows. As time goes on I find myself not evening knowing if i would want to make it work anymore. And I am not going to wait around until its convenient for her to leave me and work out an exit plan with the other guy.


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## thummper

Has she been trying to contact you, or is she just ignoring you? If she has contacted you, do you detect ANY remorse at all?


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## autocraig

She has tried to contact me...I'll ignore her until she says she going to come over to check on me. Keep telling her she needs to take some time and figure out what she wants. But the longer she waits the more distant I feel I am getting. Is she remorseful? Yes and no I think... but not as much as you would think someone would be. I am just getting to the point of not wanting to wait around until she says she is done. And I am sure she has not told me everything...I am not completely stupid. Maybe its better off at this point that I don't know.


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## naiveonedave

OP - you need to know enough so that you can set the record straight with the vital few people in your life.... Assuming that D is inevitable. Because your W will try to rewrite the history and blame you for everything.


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## straightshooter

*She has tried to contact me...I'll ignore her until she says she going to come over to check on me. Keep telling her she needs to take some time and figure out what she wants. But the longer she waits the more distant I feel I am getting. Is she remorseful? Yes and no I think... but not as much as you would think someone would be. I am just getting to the point of not wanting to wait around until she says she is done. And I am sure she has not told me everything...I am not completely stupid. Maybe its better off at this point that I don't know.*

She is now using this time to take her affair physical with him. You should not even consider taking her back without a polygraph test unless you are fine with her banging him while she is figuring it out. You kicking her out gave her all the space she needs to try him out.
not saying you should not have done it but realize the side effect before you take her back if it comes to that.


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## Lostinthought61

you shoudl tell her that this is a two way street you are deciding as well here, and that you are leaning to ending this sham of a marriage...and her dishonesty and lies have destroyed what was left of your marriage. because you know in your gut she is with him as well. good luck brother


----------



## ABHale

autocraig said:


> She has tried to contact me...I'll ignore her until she says she going to come over to check on me. Keep telling her she needs to take some time and figure out what she wants. But the longer she waits the more distant I feel I am getting. Is she remorseful? Yes and no I think... but not as much as you would think someone would be. I am just getting to the point of not wanting to wait around until she says she is done. And I am sure she has not told me everything...I am not completely stupid. Maybe its better off at this point that I don't know.


No, you need to know everything that has gone on. Then you make a informed decision about your future.


----------



## Be smart

Dont hate me for writing this my friend,but you are spending your time here on TAM and thinking what to do,while she was out of your house spending her time with OM.

She is not sorry or remorseful like you said,because she would never stop calling you and never left the home. Also she would admit all of this and try hard to repair the damage and help you.

Stay strong.


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## autocraig

just wanted to update; ;she is coming over tonight to talk. I know this is going to be the talk where we both just say that its over and not going to work. Starting to think just need to have the talk instead of delaying it. Almost feel now I want to get it over with so I can slowly move on. Feel like I am kinda just stuck right now. I realize its going to be tough, after all we have spent the last 20 years together and have probably only spent a handful of nights apart in that time. I've realize though its not really fighting to save a relationship when your the only one fighting. Just gonna keep my head up and live one day at a time.


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## MattMatt

We are here for you. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory

autocraig said:


> Almost feel now I want to get it over with so I can slowly move on. Feel like I am kinda just stuck right now..


As difficult as it may be; you need to get yourself out of this limbo. Unless during your talk; she makes a complete turn around and commits to you and the marriage, you need to let her go and move on with your life.

Assuming that's the case, you need to meet with a lawyer the next working day and stop communicating with her unless absolutely necessary.

Don't fall into her "I need more time" bs. Don't agree to a separation. Don't accept anything less than an *immediate*, complete demonstration of remorse and contrition. 

Time for her to sh!t or get off the pot.


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## straightshooter

Autocraig

The old saying goes " you must be willing to lose the marriage to save it".

That means when you have this talk there can be no negotiation on her continuing to have this relationship with another man while she remains your wife. If she has not had sex with him yet, she will soon if you even leave that on the table.

You MUST stick to
(1) no contact at all of any kind
(2) total transparancy of everything electronic that she owns. Her right to "privacy"went out vthe window with this affair
(3) committment to you. That means no fence sitting. And the more time you allow her to do it the less likely you will stay married.


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## GusPolinski

So did you find out who it is that she's been texting?

I ask because, if he lives in the area, it's pretty likely that she's swapped quite a bit more than just texts w/ this guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

One point needs to be made very clear tonight...you will not share your wife.

Let her say what she has to say and listen to her rewrite the marriage history, and when she is done ask if it's your turn.

Let her know you are listening and you understand what she has told you.

Then simply inform her that you will not control her and out of self respect you will not share your wife with another man.

It will aways be her choice...but you have made your choice and sharing her is not an option for you.


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## Augusto

autocraig said:


> Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. Deleting text from her phone. Found out after seeing phone records and seeing the amount of text being sent. Since I found out I have been broken. I have opened up to her more in the past few days than i ever have. I know I have my faults as well but never unfaithful. I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional. She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed. I say and tell her that if she can't tell me what she wants we need to move on but when I see her it changes. I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way.


Man Up dude....simply say you are sure someone else will say differently that she wants you.


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## unbe

How'd it go? Are you ok buddy?


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## happyman64

Did the talk go as expected Autocraig?


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## MattMatt

We are here for you no matter what happened or happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## autocraig

Talk with went as expected and she is still out of the house; right now she is just too far gone. Right now she just doesn't want to make it work. When I told her that its not really a fight to save the marriage when I am the only one fighting and she says I know...you kinda have your answer. After she said that you kinda get out the depressed stage and into the anger stage. Last couple days I have had ok days with moments of feeling really bad.Kinda feel like I am going through 3 seperate funerals; my wife, my lover and my best friend..all taken from me so fast. I know its just going to take time to get over this. I find myself still being civil to her but I know the time is going to come where its just going to be straight anger. She still says she loves and always will but I know when the ball starts rolling on officially ending this I know my feelings will change. I know its still fresh; just found out about two weeks ago; alot to process. I've talked to friends and family which seems to help; when I talk to her she really hasn't talked to anyone; I know she is just afraid of people finding out, we live in a small town she is gonna have to face it sometime. I find myself wanting to keep texting her and letting her know how much she has hurt me but I know that isn't going to do any good for anyone. What made it better was my birthday this past weekend-nothing like find out your marriage isn't going to work out to ring in your birthday.Sorry for the rambling but its nice to have an outlet to let stuff out.


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## farsidejunky

Refresh my memory...have you exposed yet?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45

There is nothing wrong with anger. It can help,you focus your efforts and keep,you grounded. Just don't let it poison you. 

Tell her you doubt whether she will always love you. Tell her you doubt if she loves you now. In fact, keep your discussions about anything other than divorce to a minimum. You are not her husband anymore except on paper. She fired you. You owe her nothing. Tell her that the marital privileges are suspended. She breaks down on the freeway? Tough sh!t. She can call her lover boy to pick her up. Her refrigerator yes out? Tough. She can buy herself a new one. No more husbandly freebies from you. 

This is how you respect yourself, buy not allowing her to use you or dump her crap on your shoulders.


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## autocraig

Exposed? I mean she knows I know; our friends and both our families know. As far as the husband freebies your right some stuff I need to quit doing for her and I know that and I think I am there now. She wants to bring me groceries and feed me; and I just say really??????? I'll be fine I tell her. Like I said I know there is going to be a time to where I won't want to see her. And maybe I shouldn't be seeing her or talking to her know. Maybe it would be easier on me if I didn't . Almost feel like I am weaning myself off a drug. Like a band aid maybe I just need to rip it off, suck it up and move on. I don't know if I am making it easier on her or myself right now. I find myself when I block out what happened I can deal with it but when I sit and think then it eats me up. I know i have dust myself off and move on. When I asked her the other day if she is going to look for her own place or keep staying with her sister that kind of got her teared up and said she wasn't ready to think about that yet. Much like me she has to start dealing with the reality of this.


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## bandit.45

Don't let her do things for you. It is not sincere. Not fvcking another man and stopping her cheating would be sincere. What she is doing she is doing out of guilt and because she pities you. 

Nip that crap in the bud now. Tell her to spend her energy on her boyfriend and leave you alone. Act as if you are already divorced. Train your brain.


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## manfromlamancha

Autocraig, sorry to have you here.

Do you know what the content of these texts was ? What was being said ?

You said you do not believe that she has told you everything and I would tend to agree. But I am not clear on what she has actually told you. She has said nothing has been physical only emotional. 

Even so, what has she said happened so far ? Have they kissed ? Have they been saying they love each other ? How long has this been going on ? How did they meet/how did this start ?

When she says she has feelings for this man, what exactly does she mean ? Has she explained the depth of her feelings ? Has she said she no longer has these feelings for you ?

Was there a drop off in affection between the two of you leading up to this ?

Its hard to understand exactly what has happened here. It went from childhood sweethearts/best friends to you kicking her out of the house for texting another man. You haven't said what has happened exactly.

Do you think it had already gone physical ? Do you think it has gone physical now that she is out of the house ? Is she openly dating this guy now ?

Not enough info to advise you.


----------



## GusPolinski

@autocraig, did you ever find out who it is that she's been texting?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## autocraig

The other man is a co worker. And she did admit the other day that they had kissed a few times but that was it. When I asked her if she loves this other guy...she said that she "something him". And that she wasn't ready to stop talking and texting him when I first confronted her. That right there I should have known my answer. And she must feel something if she is willing to throw away everything we have built together to continue to do that. There was no drop off of anything recently ...we were normal as usual. We have no kids , couldn't have any. About 6 months ago she had a hysterectamy due to some health problems. I thought maybe that had something to do with it but I don't know. It was hard to deal with but I kinda thought we were stronger than ever. Its just so hard to wrap your head around someone that you have been with for so longer to all of a sudden not.She said she knew as soon as she deleted the first text that she knew she was wrong just didn't stop. I find myself blaming myself at times....could have did this or that differently which i know i can't do. This is just a messed up situation that i thought i would never be in.


----------



## manfromlamancha

How long has this been going on/what period of time did this develop over ?

Seems to have developed very quickly. Did he hit on her or vice versa ? Is she being preyed on ?

She "somethings" him but not sure its love !?!?!?

And she is ready to walk out of the marriage. Could it be that she has been done with the marriage for some time and this is a way out ?

Could it be that not being able to have children has something to do with it ?

None of this makes sense from what you have said so far although the length of time and who initiated will explain some of it.


----------



## GusPolinski

autocraig said:


> *The other man is a co worker. And she did admit the other day that they had kissed a few times but that was it.* When I asked her if she loves this other guy...she said that she "something him". And that she wasn't ready to stop talking and texting him when I first confronted her. That right there I should have known my answer. And she must feel something if she is willing to throw away everything we have built together to continue to do that. There was no drop off of anything recently ...we were normal as usual. We have no kids , couldn't have any. About 6 months ago she had a hysterectamy due to some health problems. I thought maybe that had something to do with it but I don't know. It was hard to deal with but I kinda thought we were stronger than ever. Its just so hard to wrap your head around someone that you have been with for so longer to all of a sudden not.She said she knew as soon as she deleted the first text that she knew she was wrong just didn't stop. I find myself blaming myself at times....could have did this or that differently which i know i can't do. This is just a messed up situation that i thought i would never be in.


She's lying.

Emotional affair + physical proximity to affair partner + willingness to sacrifice marriage = _physical_ affair 

Is this guy married? If so, do his wife a favor and clue her in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## manfromlamancha

And most of all, do YOU think it has gone physical (although even kissing is physical, I mean more than this) ?


----------



## dash74

Just a kiss = bj 

I am sorry for your troubles AC 

dump her a55 

heal 

Date

Maybe marry a faithful wife

Maybe have some kids

And send a tumbleweed to your ex for her barren womb


----------



## strugglinghusband

Once you get to the point of indifference, (which is a while away yet) you will feel 100% better, a new man of sorts..You will realize that your happiness is not dependent on your wife (or hers on you) or for that matter anyone...it is all inside of you, you just have to find it.

I wish you nothing but the best.


----------



## Chaparral

Find out everything you can about him. Could be be her boss? Find out what their company policy is about coworker frateriztion.


----------



## the guy

Get to a lawyer.
You need to beg, borrow and sell what ever you can to retain a lawyer and have her served at work.

The sooner you do this the better chance you have on saving the marriage.

The longer you wait the more she connects with the other man.

Again make this affair as inconvenient and as uncomfortable as possible.


----------



## the guy

As you can see the affair fog is so thick she can't even face the reality of were she is going to live.

Hitting her with divorce papers will bring the reality home.
Having to go to court is one thing she will have to face.

Get to a lawyer.


----------



## *Deidre*

Get to a lawyer...but not to 'save' your marriage. Get a lawyer to leave this farce of a marriage, heal and move on to a much better life that awaits you.

No offense, some of you must think you can't do any better than being treated like doormats by your spouses.  You CAN do better...believe in yourself, and you'll see better things come your way.


----------



## Tron

I don't agree with letting her help you with anything...except maybe helping you set up your new dating account on POF or OKC.

>


----------



## Marduk

Just be ready when it all blows up and her co worker gets tired of her and dumps her. And maybe loses her job along the way.

I give it high odds she'll show up on your doorstep in tears if that happens. Looking to be saved.


----------



## eric1

Lawyer first, then expose her boyfriend to his significant other if there is one. Don't ask her about him anymore, she will just warn him.


----------



## unbe

Sorry you are here my man...

A lot of sound advice, you need to file. There is no chance is hasn't escalated to sex, you don't leave your marriage over a kiss.

The fact that she won't stop and you know this...wow. That would kill me and send me into a run away train to divorce land. I wish I had that motivation. 

Divorce her, do it now, do it loud, do it proud.

Move on a pick up a hottie and start your family. 

You've been given a new lease on life...take it and run!


Ask yourself this, even if you do get past this. You are driving in the car and your wife is texting, will you ever trust that she's not texting other men? I tried to live like this, it is very demoralizing and defeating.


----------



## Marc878

If you're smart you'll go no contact. Completely dark. All you're doing is prolonging the agony. If you want some closure issue a letter to everyone including work that you're divorcing due to her affair with co worker John Doe.

She's friending you to help her guilt. Get it?????

Make no mistake kissing = sex. It's a full blown affair. Clean out all her stuff, pics, etc put them in the garage, porch or a storage unit(send her the key and the bill).

File immediately and let her find out when she's served.

Good luck


----------



## Marc878

autocraig said:


> I find myself wanting to keep texting her and letting her know how much she has hurt me but I know that isn't going to do any good for anyone.


Not worth your time. She doesn't give a damn.


----------



## Marc878

autocraig said:


> Keep telling her she needs to take some time and figure out what she wants. But the longer she waits the more distant I feel I am getting. Is she remorseful? Yes and no I think... but not as much as you would think someone would be.


Wait for her to get her fill of sex with him and maybe come back???

This is not remoursful. She gives you a few breadcrumbs???

Why don't you try taking control and moving on with your life.

You're young with no kids why would you want this baggage???????

Why?????


----------



## unbe

Marc878 said:


> Wait for her to get her fill of sex with him and maybe come back???
> 
> This is not remoursful. She gives you a few breadcrumbs???
> 
> Why don't you try taking control and moving on with your life.
> 
> You're young with no kids why would you want this baggage???????
> 
> Why?????


Dude listen to this guy....

I am going through this now, this exact scenario. 

I can tell you I was out, had a really good girl I was seeing. Threw it away at a fake attempted R. It went to sht very soon after we got back...I tried to keep it together for 2 years, wasted time and energy. Now I'm right back where I was two years ago, picking up the pieces.

Run...run far...run fast.

File, 180, NC= sanity!


----------



## Marc878

unbe said:


> Dude listen to this guy....
> 
> I am going through this now, this exact scenario.
> 
> I can tell you I was out, had a really good girl I was seeing. Threw it away at a fake attempted R. It went to sht very soon after we got back...I tried to keep it together for 2 years, wasted time and energy. Now I'm right back where I was two years ago, picking up the pieces.
> 
> Run...run far...run fast.
> 
> File, 180, NC= sanity!


Sorry to hear that. I wish you hadn't let the good one get away.


----------



## GusPolinski

autocraig said:


> She has tried to contact me...I'll ignore her until she says she going to come over to check on me. Keep telling her she needs to take some time and figure out what she wants. But the longer she waits the more distant I feel I am getting. *Is she remorseful? Yes and no I think... but not as much as you would think someone would be.* I am just getting to the point of not wanting to wait around until she says she is done. And I am sure she has not told me everything...I am not completely stupid. Maybe its better off at this point that I don't know.


That's because she's busy f*cking her boyfriend.

It's easier for her now that she's out of the house.


----------



## manfromlamancha

manfromlamancha said:


> Autocraig, sorry to have you here.
> 
> *Do you know what the content of these texts was* ? What was being said ?
> 
> You said you do not believe that she has told you everything and I would tend to agree. But I am not clear on what she has actually told you. She has said nothing has been physical only emotional.
> 
> Even so, what has she said happened so far ? Have they kissed ? *Have they been saying they love each other ? How long has this been going on ? How did they meet/how did this start ?
> *
> When she says she has feelings for this man, what exactly does she mean ? *Has she explained the depth of her feelings ? Has she said she no longer has these feelings for you ?*
> 
> Was there a drop off in affection between the two of you leading up to this ?
> 
> Its hard to understand exactly what has happened here. It went from childhood sweethearts/best friends to you kicking her out of the house for texting another man. You haven't said what has happened exactly.
> 
> *Do you think it had already gone physical ? Do you think it has gone physical now that she is out of the house ? Is she openly dating this guy now ?*
> 
> Not enough info to advise you.





manfromlamancha said:


> *How long has this been going on/what period of time did this develop over ?*
> 
> Seems to have developed very quickly. *Did he hit on her or vice versa ?* Is she being preyed on ?
> 
> She "somethings" him but not sure its love !?!?!?
> 
> And she is ready to walk out of the marriage. Could it be that she has been done with the marriage for some time and this is a way out ?
> 
> Could it be that not being able to have children has something to do with it ?
> 
> None of this makes sense from what you have said so far although the length of time and who initiated will explain some of it.





manfromlamancha said:


> *And most of all, do YOU think it has gone physical (although even kissing is physical, I mean more than this) ?*



Autocraig, are you still there ? See bolded questions above - any answers ?


----------



## autocraig

Been awhile since I have posted but wanted to give an update: Wife and I have been living seperately for about two months now after finding out about her EA and PA with co worker. She has been staying at her sisters and I have been at our house. Didn't think I had to leave and she accepted that. A few weeks ago I filed our dissolution paperwork and she finally signed them the other day. Took her a few weeks as she drug her feet. She is a "cake eater". Saying she is struggling but still seeing the OM. Only wish now I would have filed sooner so it would all be over now. So now just awaiting our court date. This whole process has been hard to deal with. I have gone through alot of emotions,but I think I am getting stronger daily. Again I have been with this woman for 20 years since we were 15. This site has helped knowing there is some other people going through this stuff. You always think, this isn't going to happen to me but then it does. You think to yourself my situation is going to be different and its going to work out but it ends like alot of the same stories that I read. I always thought I wanted her back but as time goes on is that really what I want? Someone that betrayed my trust? Thats not what I want and what I deserve. It s Only thing I can do now is make myself a better person from all this. If anyone who reads this is just going through this or just found out, it does get better. The initial part of just finding out is devastating and you think there is no hope but there is. I still have a few times a day where I struggle and I am sure I will for awhile, having friends to lean on helps. Thanks again to everyone who posts on this site. Nice to know not alone.


----------



## GusPolinski

Sorry man.


----------



## bankshot1993

Stay strong Auto, things will get better.

Is it wrong of me to always want these ws to fail epically at life just because they deserve it ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## autocraig

I don't think its wrong at all to hope the WS fails epically. I am starting to have those thoughts myself. Not that I think its gonna happen but I just kinda wait for the day for her to say I made a mistake and I want to come back and then me tell her go "f" off. Its a dream I know.
Hard for me to wrap my head around affairs. They happen. And happen to alot of people. But for someone to throw away everything that they have built for 20 years together for a few month romance. Leave their spouse, home and everything behind. Shut out friends and family because they are the enemy now because they tell them what they are doing is wrong and they don't want to hear it. Messed up stuff.


----------



## Herschel

autocraig said:


> I don't think its wrong at all to hope the WS fails epically. I am starting to have those thoughts myself. Not that I think its gonna happen but I just kinda wait for the day for her to say I made a mistake and I want to come back and then me tell her go "f" off. Its a dream I know.
> Hard for me to wrap my head around affairs. They happen. And happen to alot of people. But for someone to throw away everything that they have built for 20 years together for a few month romance. Leave their spouse, home and everything behind. Shut out friends and family because they are the enemy now because they tell them what they are doing is wrong and they don't want to hear it. Messed up stuff.


Best bet is to not even think about it and try to make yourself learn not to care. That works in both scenarios:

If she ends up being happy and living a long life with this guy, then you are in a better spot than always being sad it didn't fail miserably.

If she ends up coming back and telling you she made a mistake, being indifferent is the best reaction. 

Not saying it is easy, but 95% of the time it is better to move on than not, and if you think it is worth that 5% to not, then good luck to you.


----------



## G.J.

The future is forgiving and someone out there is going to love you in a way you deserve to be loved

Good luck


----------



## G.J.

If I missed it .....was the guy single or married ?


----------



## Marduk

autocraig said:


> I don't think its wrong at all to hope the WS fails epically. I am starting to have those thoughts myself. Not that I think its gonna happen but I just kinda wait for the day for her to say I made a mistake and I want to come back and then me tell her go "f" off. Its a dream I know.
> Hard for me to wrap my head around affairs. They happen. And happen to alot of people. But for someone to throw away everything that they have built for 20 years together for a few month romance. Leave their spouse, home and everything behind. Shut out friends and family because they are the enemy now because they tell them what they are doing is wrong and they don't want to hear it. Messed up stuff.


Well, if it's any consolation, if it was working out with her boyfriend she'd be living with him instead of at her sister's. It's a big ego hit to have to go knocking on a family member's door.

And my ex did the same thing with friends and family. Shut everyone out. I got phone calls for months from her aunts, uncles, or cousins asking me what's happening because she wouldn't tell them.

Focus on yourself, not on her. If you want revenge, the best revenge is rising from this and living well.


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## autocraig

Guy was a married co worker.

And ur right MARDUK, its taken me awhile but I am figuring out that I need to focus on myself and living well. Focus on being "me" again and not part of an "us"


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## G.J.

autocraig said:


> Guy was a married co worker.
> 
> And ur right MARDUK, its taken me awhile but I am figuring out that I need to focus on myself and living well. Focus on being "me" again and not part of an "us"


Has his Wife been informed or is she in the dark ?


----------



## autocraig

His wife knows; hell by now everyone knows about it. Small town; Word gets around quick. Just trying not to think about it all the time and move on. It is what it is now. Not saying that a divorce is going to make everything magically better and make all feelings go away...but I guess its a step to move on. Despite the fact that she is ok being with someone else while married.....for some reason I don't think its right to go looking until divorce is final. I guess its a thing called having morals and boundaries. Someone should have informed my wife of that.


----------



## Yeswecan

autocraig said:


> His wife knows; hell by now everyone knows about it. Small town; Word gets around quick. Just trying not to think about it all the time and move on. It is what it is now. Not saying that a divorce is going to make everything magically better and make all feelings go away...but I guess its a step to move on. Despite the fact that she is ok being with someone else while married.....for some reason I don't think its right to go looking until divorce is final. *I guess its a thing called having morals and boundaries. *Someone should have informed my wife of that.


These are great qualities. They will prove useful in your lifetime.


----------



## bankshot1993

Herschel said:


> Best bet is to not even think about it and try to make yourself learn not to care. That works in both scenarios:
> 
> If she ends up being happy and living a long life with this guy, then you are in a better spot than always being sad it didn't fail miserably.
> 
> If she ends up coming back and telling you she made a mistake, being indifferent is the best reaction.
> 
> Not saying it is easy, but 95% of the time it is better to move on than not, and if you think it is worth that 5% to not, then good luck to you.


Herschel, I know that you're right and the best course of action is to completely disconnect. But still A little part of me always wants to see Karma get them back.

The reality is that the BS needs to forgive. I say this for the BS's benefit not the wayward spouse, and that certainly doesn't mean to accept what happened only to forgive. You can't put it behind you and move on if you are still focused on what happened and the anger and hatred it brings. holding onto these things only poisons who you are and turns you into that bitter damaged person nobody wants around.

Forgiveness will cleanse the soul and allow you closure so that you can truly move on. Bitterness will only continue to give the WS control over you and who you become, far more control than they deserve.

But still, it warms my heart when ****ty things happen to ****ty people or as my son always say, "play ****ty games, win ****ty prizes".


----------



## bandit.45

autocraig said:


> His wife knows; hell by now everyone knows about it. Small town; Word gets around quick. Just trying not to think about it all the time and move on. It is what it is now. Not saying that a divorce is going to make everything magically better and make all feelings go away...but I guess its a step to move on. Despite the fact that she is ok being with someone else while married.....for some reason I don't think its right to go looking until divorce is final. I guess its a thing called having morals and boundaries. Someone should have informed my wife of that.


It may or may not work out between her and OM. Do what you can to keep those hopes and thoughts out of your head. Read through my thread "*Myth: They Come Crawling Back*". There is a lot of good information in there for you to glean from many of the TAM posters. 

I doubt highly your WW will come back to you asking for a second chance. She has given you the house, signed the papers...all signs of a person on their way out. 

In your case, I think what you have is a walkaway wife who had an exit affair. She may have been wanting out of the marriage for a long time and had been unhappy for a long time and was just too much of a coward to come and tell you she wanted to split. 

It wasn't you, or anything you did or didn't do. The two of you were babies when you got together. In your situation, I really do think it was a case where she just grew into a different person. She felt she had come to an impasse and wanted to break out and see what the world had to offer; unfortunately she did it in the worst possible way. 

JMHO, the marriage was coming to an end, whether she had engaged in an affair or not. The affair was merely her dysfunctional way of breaking her emotional bond with you. It made it easier for her to disconnect from you by using another man as a wedge.

P.S> And don't waste your emotional energy on hoping for karma to bite her in the ass. That is wasted energy and all it does is drag you down. Take that energy and put it towards making you the best person you can be. I guarantee another woman will come along and take notice.


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## Marduk

bankshot1993 said:


> Herschel, I know that you're right and the best course of action is to completely disconnect. But still A little part of me always wants to see Karma get them back.
> 
> The reality is that the BS needs to forgive. I say this for the BS's benefit not the wayward spouse, and that certainly doesn't mean to accept what happened only to forgive. You can't put it behind you and move on if you are still focused on what happened and the anger and hatred it brings. holding onto these things only poisons who you are and turns you into that bitter damaged person nobody wants around.
> 
> Forgiveness will cleanse the soul and allow you closure so that you can truly move on. Bitterness will only continue to give the WS control over you and who you become, far more control than they deserve.
> 
> But still, it warms my heart when ****ty things happen to ****ty people or as my son always say, "play ****ty games, win ****ty prizes".


I didn't forgive my ex. Never have. 

But what I did do is accept it and let her go.

And if I saw her today, I'd thank her for leaving me. My life got better every day since, and I would honestly laugh at ever getting back together with her.


----------



## ThePheonix

bankshot1993 said:


> Forgiveness will cleanse the soul and allow you closure so that you can truly move on. Bitterness will only continue to give the WS control over you and who you become, far more control than they deserve.


Its like my uncle "Deacon" would say, "forgive her and forget her my boy".


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## happyman64

You will be fine autocratic. 

Keep the focus on you and your healing. 

People get selfish. Your wife did. 

Now focus on the divorce and putting her mess behind you.


----------



## SunCMars

autocraig said:


> Been awhile since I have posted but wanted to give an update: Wife and I have been living seperately for about two months now after finding out about her EA and PA with co worker. She has been staying at her sisters and I have been at our house. Didn't think I had to leave and she accepted that. A few weeks ago I filed our dissolution paperwork and she finally signed them the other day. Took her a few weeks as she drug her feet. She is a "cake eater". Saying she is struggling but still seeing the OM. Only wish now I would have filed sooner so it would all be over now. So now just awaiting our court date. This whole process has been hard to deal with. I have gone through alot of emotions,but I think I am getting stronger daily. Again I have been with this woman for 20 years since we were 15. This site has helped knowing there is some other people going through this stuff. You always think, this isn't going to happen to me but then it does. You think to yourself my situation is going to be different and its going to work out but it ends like alot of the same stories that I read. I always thought I wanted her back but as time goes on is that really what I want? Someone that betrayed my trust? Thats not what I want and what I deserve. It s Only thing I can do now is make myself a better person from all this. If anyone who reads this is just going through this or just found out, it does get better. The initial part of just finding out is devastating and you think there is no hope but there is. I still have a few times a day where I struggle and I am sure I will for awhile, having friends to lean on helps. Thanks again to everyone who posts on this site. Nice to know not alone.


Sorry and congratulations for the progress that you have made, to date.

Remain as a contributing member. 

You are now very qualified to help others with their initial shock, then denial, then anger, then acceptance, then indifference. 

The last step [indifference] is the hardest one to attain for the good folks in this life. Admittedly, I could not get to this step, if I walked in your scuffed-up shoes. 

I left out forgiveness. That is a step for the Saints in this life.
For some it arrives as Intellectual Forgiveness than [maybe or never] Emotional forgiveness.


----------



## dash74

autocraig said:


> His wife knows; hell by now everyone knows about it. Small town; Word gets around quick. Just trying not to think about it all the time and move on. It is what it is now. Not saying that a divorce is going to make everything magically better and make all feelings go away...but I guess its a step to move on. Despite the fact that she is ok being with someone else while married.....for some reason I don't think its right to go looking until divorce is final. I guess its a thing called having morals and boundaries. Someone should have informed my wife of that.


Morals and Boundaries are good

But put yourself out there join groups and activities now, that will help you when you are ready to start dating again and you will have a bigger pond to toss your rod in

He11 start your own meet up group....... like flix&corn a movie watching meetup or Gutter Lane I pity the fool with 7 10 split a bowling meetup for sub par bowlers


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## bankshot1993

autocraig said:


> His wife knows; hell by now everyone knows about it. Small town; Word gets around quick. Just trying not to think about it all the time and move on. It is what it is now. Not saying that a divorce is going to make everything magically better and make all feelings go away...but I guess its a step to move on. Despite the fact that she is ok being with someone else while married.....for some reason I don't think its right to go looking until divorce is final. I guess its a thing called having morals and boundaries. Someone should have informed my wife of that.


The guy's wife knows and she's ok with it!!!! Wow, why doesn't she just move your wife in with them. She can lie there beside them while her husband plows your wife in their marital bed. Seriously, how has that whole situation not blown up yet?


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## SunCMars

autocraig said:


> About 6 months ago she had a hysterectomy due to some health problems. I thought maybe that had something to do with it but I don't know.


This is a big deal. Your wife is rather young to have this operation. I assume she is mid-thirties or a little older?

This operation is normally done as a last resort for reasons such as painful intercourse, very heavy bleeding and long periods, endometriosis, fibroids or cancer.

It almost always brings on menopause. After menopause she will have the problems that older ladies in their fifties have. 

Her sex life will not be as important to her. No criticism here to mature women.....set me straight if I am wrong.

If intercourse was painful before it will *not be *after.

I hope POSOM can deal with this change. I know that you would have.... if she did totally fail you and herself.

Because of her actions, her portrait will lose its luster every day, henceforth.

Yours, my friend is polar teddy-bear opposite. The available ladies will confirm this.


----------



## Chaparral

I'm guessing the posom's wife thinks its over.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Did you yourself tell OMS. Do not assume she knows and do not go by what POSOM or your WS says. You talk to her yourself.


----------



## Evinrude58

marduk said:


> I didn't forgive my ex. Never have.
> 
> But what I did do is accept it and let her go.
> 
> And if I saw her today, I'd thank her for leaving me. My life got better every day since, and I would honestly laugh at ever getting back together with her.


My feelings too. But, I do hope to forgive her one day. Because being able to forgive her means I 100% don't give a damn about her and an glad she's gone. She's off to Barbados on her honeymoon with her new guy-- a trip I never could afford. I do hate that it seems bad behavior paid off for her, but I'm now with a wonderful woman that I love and treats me great. And I'm happy either way. 
I just still hope the karma bus finds her-- and I know that's a foolish hope.

OP, you just gotta let it go. And it's hard and somewhat out of and in your control at the same time to do it. It's not easy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound

Wonder what the company thinks about this relationship?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TRy

autocraig said:


> Despite the fact that she is ok being with someone else while married.....for some reason I don't think its right to go looking until divorce is final.


 I have good news. For a variety of reasons, women have the advantage over men in dating until the mid-30s. They just have more options. Now that you are in your mid -30s, you as a man will begin to gain the advantage in the selection process of dating as your options open up. At your age, once you start dating, you will be surprised at how much easier it is for you. Give it a few years, and you will probably be happily married to a wonderful woman. And since the reason that you do not have children is because of your soon to be ex-wife, you will also probably be enjoying having children. Life will be good again, and probably even better. I am sorry that you are here. Be well.


----------



## SunCMars

@autocraig

Any updates?


----------



## sokillme

autocraig said:


> Been awhile since I have posted but wanted to give an update: Wife and I have been living seperately for about two months now after finding out about her EA and PA with co worker. She has been staying at her sisters and I have been at our house. Didn't think I had to leave and she accepted that. A few weeks ago I filed our dissolution paperwork and she finally signed them the other day. Took her a few weeks as she drug her feet. She is a "cake eater". Saying she is struggling but still seeing the OM. Only wish now I would have filed sooner so it would all be over now. So now just awaiting our court date. This whole process has been hard to deal with. I have gone through alot of emotions,but I think I am getting stronger daily. Again I have been with this woman for 20 years since we were 15. This site has helped knowing there is some other people going through this stuff. You always think, this isn't going to happen to me but then it does. You think to yourself my situation is going to be different and its going to work out but it ends like alot of the same stories that I read. I always thought I wanted her back but as time goes on is that really what I want? Someone that betrayed my trust? Thats not what I want and what I deserve. It s Only thing I can do now is make myself a better person from all this. If anyone who reads this is just going through this or just found out, it does get better. The initial part of just finding out is devastating and you think there is no hope but there is. I still have a few times a day where I struggle and I am sure I will for awhile, having friends to lean on helps. Thanks again to everyone who posts on this site. Nice to know not alone.


I know it seems hard now man but there is a whole world of adult woman and now you can be selective. Really you are much more who you will be for the rest of your life then you were when you were 15.


----------



## tripod

Sorry....got my TAM wires crossed and am editing the following which was written before I'd thoroughly read the thread...as it is, however, I think my comments do validate your actions so rather than just deleting, I'll leave it as further support for your actions: 

As others have said, do the 180 and be decisive. Sit down with a pad of paper and spend 1 hour planning the rest of your life...two pages one with expectations with her and one without her. Be objective/cold/realistic. 

If it were me, I'd move lightening fast and divorce while she's in the fog. You'll get a better deal monetarily and mental health-wise than if you wait and she decides you and your behavior are to blame for her actions--you made me do this!--she blabs to her girlfriends telling them what a ass you are and they all tell her "take him for everything he's got."


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## MattMatt

Please DO NOT respond to spam adverts.

Instead use the Report feature to ID them to admin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58

tripod said:


> Sorry....got my TAM wires crossed and am editing the following which was written before I'd thoroughly read the thread...as it is, however, I think my comments do validate your actions so rather than just deleting, I'll leave it as further support for your actions:
> 
> As others have said, do the 180 and be decisive. Sit down with a pad of paper and spend 1 hour planning the rest of your life...two pages one with expectations with her and one without her. Be objective/cold/realistic.
> 
> If it were me, I'd move lightening fast and divorce while she's in the fog. You'll get a better deal monetarily and mental health-wise than if you wait and she decides you and your behavior are to blame for her actions--you made me do this!--she blabs to her girlfriends telling them what a ass you are and they all tell her "take him for everything he's got."


I can't stress how important it will be for your life to listen to the above advice. If you don't file and divorce now, you will just wait until her conscience is gone, and you will get majorly screwed. If she wants a divorce or separation, give her a divorce. Get it done. You can always cancel or remarry. But once you get screwed legally, it sticks.
She absolutely will get loads of advice on cleaning you out--- how and to do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dyokemm

My only advice is watch out for the 'Can't we be friends?' bullsh*t that every WS seems to throw out at some point during the D.

If she does, tell her to shove that suggestion where the sun don't shine.

Who needs friends like that?


----------



## Thor

Yeah, I've already gotten the "I want to be friends after the divorce". Actually I got it during the "I want a divorce" speech from her.


----------



## farsidejunky

Thor said:


> Yeah, I've already gotten the "I want to be friends after the divorce". Actually I got it during the "I want a divorce" speech from her.


But that was before she decided your amicable financial agreement was not enough for her, right?

:scratchhead:


----------



## DrSher

Go and get some good woman. Just change it up period. If you got some good buddies, take a trip to strip club first, but don't talk to the strippers about this misery

Hit the gym 24/7and your endorphins will grow strongly at the same time as you prepare for the new hunting season. 

The "friend" nonsense is just as pointless here as elsewhere. The last thing you want is turning into some lame beta who gets chronically bullied by the ex wife or hto deal with some new man over phone or whatever. 

Finally, if you have ever tried Botox before, do it before a hunt. You will be AMAZED of the difference. Women are the biggest hypocrites of the planet If you have a "nice" haircut and look youthful, all you need is an ability to say hi. would even go further and consider eyelid surgery if they sag, but get in shape first. This is going to be fun, my friend


----------



## DrSher

marduk said:


> I didn't forgive my ex. Never have.
> 
> But what I did do is accept it and let her go.
> 
> And if I saw her today, I'd thank her for leaving me. My life got better every day since, and I would honestly laugh at ever getting back together with her.


 Many years ago, when I was young and wild, I got into a fight with my X's new "man" and three of his friends. It did end up causing me lots of troubles, legal fees and I had to pay some minor restitutions. These4 punks were essentially pushing it with me and I ruptured. Of course, my wife tried to file "restraining orders".

Needless to say, they both should have been killed and cut into 1000 pieces, but in hindsight it is probably the best thing happening to me. She's now another fat, sexless bitter beech that is on autopilot for man-destruction. Today, I would give this guy a medal and "rub it in" a bit. He now is the "happy" owner of a messy divorce with kids in the picture; his X wife's old husband lurking around every corner like a Black Lives Matter protester. 

The worst thing after the divorce was a friend I got to know through one of ex wife's friends. It kind of sucked, because we had something going in a sports tournament, but I told him it is over it is over. 

Move on; build new circle; "youthen up" the pool of friends. You have a neat time with guys ten years younger than you if you aren't stuck up, especially when al your childhood friends are withering away in another sexless marriage.


----------



## Thor

farsidejunky said:


> But that was before she decided your amicable financial agreement was not enough for her, right?
> 
> :scratchhead:


That was when she was offering what sounded like a good offer, "you take yours, I take mine". That then morphed into something more like 75/25 favoring her when she came out with a specific number.

But we'll still be friends, right? After losing my home, time and access to my kids, my community, and even my dogs she thinks we'll still be friends.

Actually though I think she really has no interest in being friends. She's trying to get me to go easily and quietly into the night, never to be seen again.


----------



## DrSher

Thor said:


> That was when she was offering what sounded like a good offer, "you take yours, I take mine". That then morphed into something more like 75/25 favoring her when she came out with a specific number.
> 
> But we'll still be friends, right? After losing my home, time and access to my kids, my community, and even my dogs she thinks we'll still be friends.
> 
> Actually though I think she really has no interest in being friends. She's trying to get me to go easily and quietly into the night, never to be seen again.


 Thor, dear brother. Don't use this anger in a misdirected way. Channel it into working out. When I train newly divorced men over a few months, I tell them before the first session that my goal is to get you laid as much as you want to. At the same time, I have a private personalized gym with plenty bikini fitness ladies there. I charge them less just to hang around and provide a more pleasant scenery as well. Every guy has to sign separate disclosure not to checkout girls. This makes them very comfortable interacting around hotties later on without looking desperate. 

Girls feel very comfortable around a professional gym and guys learn to be comfortable around women they may never have thought (while stuck in sexless marriage) they could ever land. Every other month or so, I still get a marriage party/engagement invitation to someone who hooked up outside the gym. Makes my day.
Al the best to you my friend and enjoy!!


----------



## Dyokemm

Thor said:


> Yeah, I've already gotten the "I want to be friends after the divorce". Actually I got it during the "I want a divorce" speech from her.


This is actually a bit of a tough one for you I imagine.

You never got clear proof of her cheating, and of course she denies it completely.

In your heart, you know she did it and would probably want to tell her to go pound sand.

But without proof, and with her denials, you will come across to your kids and family as bitter and paranoid.

Sort of a no win scenario when you know in your gut she's a disloyal cheat.


----------



## Looking2Change

This is what sucks about relationships. The woman is unfaithful yet SHE gets the bed, the house, and everything else while the guy is left suffering and without a bed and roof over his head.


----------



## Thor

Dyokemm said:


> This is actually a bit of a tough one for you I imagine.
> 
> You never got clear proof of her cheating, and of course she denies it completely.
> 
> In your heart, you know she did it and would probably want to tell her to go pound sand.
> 
> But without proof, and with her denials, you will come across to your kids and family as bitter and paranoid.
> 
> Sort of a no win scenario when you know in your gut she's a disloyal cheat.



There is no doubt she has been disloyal and dishonest. She doesn't even deny it! She justifies it, and even gloated a bit about deceiving me on a major money issue.

As far as the kids are concerned, I want to leave them out of the dirty part of the divorce as much as possible. My family is already fairly well aware of the dishonest and disloyal stuff she's done.

My kids are also aware she surprised me with the divorce and that it was not of my doing. They are also quite aware of the new financial realities for me as they watch me house hunt and downsize my lifestyle.

I won't be surprised if she ends up bragging to me about cheating, especially if she keeps up the anger.


----------



## Yas

autocraig said:


> Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. Deleting text from her phone. Found out after seeing phone records and seeing the amount of text being sent. Since I found out I have been broken. I have opened up to her more in the past few days than i ever have. I know I have my faults as well but never unfaithful. I left went to a friends for one night and came back home. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants right now..she says she still loves me but also has feelings for this man. She states nothing has been physical only emotional. She is the last person me or anyone would have expected this to do such a thing. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make it work and she isn't willing to say the same yet. I still let her stay in the house and I even let her sleep in our bed. I say and tell her that if she can't tell me what she wants we need to move on but when I see her it changes. I am still in the depressed stage but moving slowly to anger stage. Am I holding onto something that isn't there anymore if she can't tell me right way.


I'm so sorry for your situation. I have been with my spouse for 4 year and married for one month and have been through this, while we were dating and engaged. The last time was a couple of month ago and he said that he has been un happy and angry at me thats why he did it. The first one I found out about was when I had our daughter two years ago and found emails to a woman that he had been friends with for 8 years, who was married. The were in appropreate messages but he says that she was only a friend and that he was wrong. Each time he says that they mean nothing, but I don't think that he feels an emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one. I have been through all the stages hurt, anger, sadness and back to anger. You should protect your heart and seperate for now, so that you can really think! Take the power away from her. I know its hard with children to think about, thats why I haven't left, YET! But think about your happyness and peace of mind is most important.


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## Dyokemm

Thor,

Well, if she actually does have the audacity, remorselessness, and vitriol to admit and then throw her infidelity (I remember one time you posted you were about 90% sure she had based on razors in the car and some other red flags) in your face......then I wouldn't hesitate.....I would put her on social media blast as a disgusting traitor along with the additional facts that she threw it in your face to hurt you unnecessarily.

I'm sure that would help her image with kids, family, and friends immensely......but if she stoops that low, there is no way I would spare her from the reprecussions if I were you.


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