# Is she flirting inappropriately or am I overly possessive?



## calidad2 (Nov 26, 2020)

My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.

She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.

Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


You know the answer already.

I had a quick look at your Nov 2021 thread about your wife contacting her AP.

Why do _you_ think she’s flirting with the bartender?


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Looks like she still considers your relationship to be open, at least on her side. Like last time, she hasn't bothered to tell you.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Yes...inappropriate. Sounds like your wife has the hots for this bartender. Did she ask you if it was OK with you before she invited him to the table ? How much did she have to drink before and during dinner ? Sounds like you have a problem 🤔


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a f'ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


If she is doing this in front you, she will be worse when she is on her own. 
She is not guarding her marriage, but leaving herself open for opportunity.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us.
> 
> 
> calidad2 said:
> ...


If as other posters have mentioned your wife has already cheated, if this were me I`d not be in this situation because the first time my wife had cheated, she would have been out the front door in the time it took her to pack all her crap and out in the streets where she belongs.
Odds are she`s up to no good again.
No need for advice you should know what to do, if not good luck.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

The type of behavior you’ve described is very disrespectful. If your wife recently had an affair, that behavior would be enough to stop R right in its tracks. No woman that loves you would behave that way. Chasing after a guy who could be her son just makes her look cheap. Is that what you want to R with?


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

Way too much attention and sexual energy being thrown at another guy. And doing it in front of you should’ve elicited a strong corrective response on your part, which… I presume you didn’t so you already know the answer to that.

I don’t know why guys feel it’s ok for their SO to flirt with other men… are they afraid of being called controlling and possessive? Who freaking cares! It’s completely out of line and disrespectful.

CALL THEM OUT ON IT!


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Past behaviour is often a good indicator of future behaviour.Leopards don't change their spots.


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## PossibleRedFlags (13 d ago)

Suggest that you are coming to that same fitness class, See how she reacts.
if she doesn't want you to, you know all you need to know.

And I agree with Jakobs, Start calling her out on her behaviour.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

How is this even a question? Your wife has a history of cheating on you and you have a history of tolerating it. No, you aren't being paranoid and possessive. You watched her try to pick up her next AP right in front of you. She's become so comfortable cheating that she's not even really trying to hide it anymore.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Just from the replies about your wife’s history, and her blatant flirting in front of you, I’m certain of what is happening without you around. Lots and lots of sex.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a f'ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


She is definitely flirting, and right in front of you as well. I would be really annoyed if my spouse acted that way.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

more than flirting, the fact that the man can provide this comfort in front of a 48-year-old woman and her husband suggests that they see each other and know about her relationship with her husband.

It's also doubtful that he was alone there, didn't he have friends or plans, your wife introduces you to the man and makes excuses about spending time with him.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

From what has been mentioned, your wife has cheated on you in the past? Not sure why you want to remain in a marriage like this. 😔


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

@calidad2 
she is just trying to fork him - 

this is what happen when you take a cheater. 

she did that while you there, Imagine what she could;ve done if you were not there


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

You have a cheater for a wife and you are wondering if she is flirting too much? LOL. How naïve can you possibly be. ANY flirting is inappropriate. I can't emphasize that enough, ANY flirting is a show stopper. 

You just watched your wife line up her next AP right in front of you. If you have any hope of stopping it you have her cut ties with this guy 100% and immediately. That said, I think it is a lost cause. Based on this thread and your others, your wife is a broken person and not safe committed partner material at all


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

*Deidre* said:


> From what has been mentioned, your wife has cheated on you in the past? Not sure why you want to remain in a marriage like this. 😔


Not only a cheater, but a jealous, hypocritical cheater. They were non-monogamous at one point while dating. She got jealous when he hooked up with another woman so they went monogamous and got married. Problem is, she left her side of the relationship open.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This does look bad, especially, considering her past history.

I am assuming she has paying clients?

The only other consideration is her being the sales person, in addition to the fitness trainer.
If he becomes her client, he may draw in more female clients.
He would be used for his handsome youth, a magnet for lonely fitness gals.

Being a bartender, he could recruit gals on his own (for her), for his own prurient reasons, that regular harem, at his disposal.

She is using her sexual charms to attract paying clients.

Having been in purchasing for years, I have experienced this from those ladies in sales.
They pour on the charm, and were often heavily perfumed.

Oddly, the top two buttons on their blouses somehow became unbuttoned during their sales pitch!

*Do I believe this is only her, finding more paying clients?
Dunno, is she that clever?*

My take:
Ten percent, she being a sales pro, ninety percent, her digging for fresh and young worms.

An easy answer is both.

a) She may want him for the draw that his body and good looks would create in any new clientele.
Yes, and he would liven up her classes.

b) And, she would have a new work-out partner between the sheets.


_King Brian-_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Not only a cheater, but a jealous, hypocritical cheater. They were non-monogamous at one point while dating. She got jealous when he hooked up with another woman so they went monogamous and got married. Problem is, she left her side of the relationship open.


Okay, I see. 

Well at this point, he's the only one that can change his life. This story reminds me of a member I don't see posting here anymore, but he was a regular then, who posted a lot when I first joined about his serial cheating wife. He would track her whereabouts all the time, became obsessed with her going anywhere, even the grocery store, because she would flirt with pretty much any guy who would look at her. This seemed to be the status quo in his life, and he would post updates about her cheating, sneaking around, flirting with men, etc...with a surprised attitude, as though he thought she would eventually stop on her own.

I used to think he must have liked the drama, on some level. He could never leave her, even though he knew he should. 🤷‍♀️

We all get hit on, but the OP's wife should be shutting men down who do this, not encouraging them. In the situation with the bartender, it sounds like SHE is doing the initiating.

Not saying the OP likes drama, but at some point, staying with a remorseless cheater brings nothing good into your life, on any level, so why stay?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


Sit her down and establish some boundaries like don't invite men to your table when you're out with her (and when you're not).


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Never mind. Dude, cut this lunatic loose.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Sit her down and establish some boundaries like don't invite men to your table when you're out with her (and when you're not).


I don't believe OP is capable of that. I don't think he has the intestinal fortitude for that kind of behavior.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I don't believe OP is capable of that. I don't think he has the intestinal fortitude for that kind of behavior.


Yeah. Based on one of your responses, I looked up his other thread and all I needed to see was the title.

She's got no room to be behaving this way.

He is an enabler.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


Sounds like she wants to be. In my and my wife's book, flirting with anyone other than spouse is cheating.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Yeah. Based on one of your responses, I looked up his other thread and all I needed to see was the title.
> 
> She's got no room to be behaving this way.
> 
> He is an enabler.


He's more than that. This dude is one of those pathetic reluctant cuckolds that doesn't have a single drop of self-respect as a man an an individual, least of all the balls to be man enough to stop any kind of shenanigans by the wife; a woman that must have serious mental and/or image issues. 

How can any man that is worth his salt stood there, and reluctantly let the wife throw herself to the young dude right in front of him? I mean, c'mon, we are talking about a dude that has not problem letting his now wife **** around with other people while they were in a serious relationship. Didn't dump her after he found out she was cheating on him before and after their marriage, and so on.

I wonder if he has some type of cognitive problems because he's always asking is my wife doing this, or that, or the other, OK?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


And you accepted this without a word? You are the problem here. You’ll accept any behavior from your wife and do nothing.
What you allowed to happen is as bad as what your cheating wife did. She might as well have asked him to do her in the table in front of you. My goodness. I don’t even know what to say. Ugh


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Why does she do it?
Because she can.
Apparently, there are no sanctions for such disrespectful behavior, because you are unable or unwilling to stand up and draw the line.
You created this mess, so now you get to wallow in it until you redirect or jettison her.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


My wife would never act like that; she knows better. There's something called boundaries, it's a pretty good concept for marriages, you should look it up.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

I have zero tolerance for this. For God's sake, there are billions of women out there. Why stay with someone like this? It is sheer masochism.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

If I was dating a woman that did this to me, I'd dump her. Plenty of decent intelligent women out there to appreciate. Wasting energy on someone that isn't right for you and doesn't respect you is pointless.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

calidad2 said:


> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


Are you “a fool”? Yes. Is she a “****ing cheater”? Yes, you established that the last time you caught her cheating.

You say that she has not “crossed the line” and then say that she is “overly friendly” with the other man (“OM”), invited him to your table when you were on a date with your wife, and then invited him to take a free yoga class with her where she can have excuses to show him her body as she bends over and looks for excuses to touch him. What exactly do you think cheating looks like?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

She had not crossed any lines.............now she has.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


She isn't a ****ing cheater. Yet. She's making her sales pitch to get him into bed with her.

I think you need to go Lord Sugar on her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> I wonder if he has some type of cognitive problems because he's always asking is my wife doing this, or that, or the other, OK?


Sadly, you may be on to something.

Those O_n The Spectrum _can never step off.

They say 1 in 44 children have some measure of Autism, that is a little over 2% of the population.

Thus, it could be said that 2% of adults then also suffer from this alone, and a total of 17% have Autism, or other developmental maladies, i.e.,ADHD, blindness, Cerebral Palsy.

No one knows the exact number, but it is significant.

Just Sayin...

Ya never know.


_Are Dee-_


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

Maybe your wife is just concerned about the bartender's health and fitness. She wants to help the bartender and get some really good fitness in so he can serve drinks faster and more efficiently, while earning way more tips.. i see this as a total win/win for everyone involved


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## pboyd5629 (1 mo ago)

calidad2 said:


> My wife of 10 years and I frequent a bar near our house. The bartender is 27 and my wife is 48. She's always been overly friendly with him but hasn't crossed any lines. The other night we were at dinner at a different place and he was there as a customer. She saw him at the bar and invited him to join us. She was pretty flirtatious, touching her hair at times and laughing too loud at his jokes.
> 
> She teaches a fitness class in the neighborhood and towards the end of the night invited him to her class as her guest and then proceeded to say it like 5 times, made sure he knew the address (which of course is 2 blocks from his house!) and was very aggressive in wanting him to take her class.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is she a ****ing cheater? Or am I being overly suspicious/ possessive? If it were your wife, how would you feel? What would you do?


Time for You & your wife to open up communication. What are you lacking in communication skills, that you need to open it uo to a forum RATHER THAN having open exchange (non combative) exchange with your wife. She may just like him as a friend. She may fantacize about him. She may want him in bed. She may just feel neglected, in some way by you or want to make you jealous.You need to communicate with your wife in a non-combative way that has happy results for each of you.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

Unfortunately this is what usually happens when you stay with a cheater.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hehe, his username... ah! 😇🤭🤐


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Guess it'll just keep going and going...and going.....and going


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> He's more than that. This dude is one of those pathetic reluctant cuckolds that doesn't have a single drop of self-respect as a man an an individual, least of all the balls to be man enough to stop any kind of shenanigans by the wife; a woman that must have serious mental and/or image issues.
> 
> How can any man that is worth his salt stood there, and reluctantly let the wife throw herself to the young dude right in front of him? I mean, c'mon, we are talking about a dude that has not problem letting his now wife **** around with other people while they were in a serious relationship. Didn't dump her after he found out she was cheating on him before and after their marriage, and so on.
> 
> I wonder if he has some type of cognitive problems because he's always asking is my wife doing this, or that, or the other, OK?


Stupid prizes for [email protected]#*d people right?


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was thinking "that's just the way she is". Always flirtatious and really nice, said she likes the guys better, etc. Flirtatious woman, unhappy friend, next thing you know he's telling her how great she is... mentally she isn't capable of understanding that he's trying to get into her pants....one bad night with you, and he's there to say all the right things because he thinks she's into him, regardless if she is. Next thing you know, you are at work and she's banging his brains out because she doesn't think you love her....yeah, it's all bs haha.


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