# Massage and Feeling Guilty



## TSman (Feb 28, 2018)

Been married for almost 2 years now and been with my wife for about 10 years. Over the last year or so I've been frequenting a massage therapy place (my wife has been to it as well). Most of the time the massage is pretty typical of a regular massage. However, there have been a few times where I got a bit too excited and am feeling pretty guilty. Typically the massage is done in the nude with a sheet covering everything but the area being worked on. However, depending on which masseuse was working on me they may have removed the sheet completely when I was on my stomach. After that happened a couple different times I asked them not to do that again. Another time when a different masseuse asked me to turn over she didn't cover me up at all and I was laying there in kinda shock. I did ask here to cover me up but it took me about a minute to do that. (made sure to never get her again). There was a time when the masseuse came in before I was on the table and I removed my towel in front of her to lay face down on the table. Another time when the masseuse had finished, she was not leaving the room and began cleaning it so I got up from the table (nude) and got dressed. Finally, there were a few instances where while I was laying on my back getting a massage and I had moved the sheet asking the masseuse to massage my hip area but was not careful to make sure my "junk" was properly covered. So as the masseuse would begin massaging my "junk would become partially or totally exposed, at which point the masseuse would adjust the sheet and cover it up properly. Overall, I believe I was getting a thrill out of the masseuse seeing my junk. At the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong because there was never any sexual contact between me and any masseuse. As I look back I am feeling guilty. I had been unfaithful to my wife before we got married and I confessed it to her. Advice on do I need to tell my wife and if so how do you think she'll take it.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

The way you describe the circumstances, I'm not sure you have anything to feel guilty about, but the answer to this one is easy: if it makes you feel bad, stop doing it.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

TSman said:


> Been married for almost 2 years now and been with my wife for about 10 years. Over the last year or so I've been frequenting a massage therapy place (my wife has been to it as well). Most of the time the massage is pretty typical of a regular massage. However, there have been a few times where I got a bit too excited and am feeling pretty guilty. Typically the massage is done in the nude with a sheet covering everything but the area being worked on. However, depending on which masseuse was working on me they may have removed the sheet completely when I was on my stomach. After that happened a couple different times I asked them not to do that again. Another time when a different masseuse asked me to turn over she didn't cover me up at all and I was laying there in kinda shock. I did ask here to cover me up but it took me about a minute to do that. (made sure to never get her again). There was a time when the masseuse came in before I was on the table and I removed my towel in front of her to lay face down on the table. Another time when the masseuse had finished, she was not leaving the room and began cleaning it so I got up from the table (nude) and got dressed. Finally, there were a few instances where while I was laying on my back getting a massage and I had moved the sheet asking the masseuse to massage my hip area but was not careful to make sure my "junk" was properly covered. So as the masseuse would begin massaging my "junk would become partially or totally exposed, at which point the masseuse would adjust the sheet and cover it up properly. Overall, I believe I was getting a thrill out of the masseuse seeing my junk. At the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong because there was never any sexual contact between me and any masseuse. As I look back I am feeling guilty. I had been unfaithful to my wife before we got married and I confessed it to her. Any advice, I would appreciate it


You didn't even get a happy ending so stop sweating it.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Leaving you exposed, walking in on you unannounced (no knocking) prior to the massage - these are unprofessional behaviors.

I've had lots of bodywork, and I've not had any problems like this.

Simply ask for specific people or find a different business.


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## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

If you go get a massage specifically to put your junk on display, stop doing that and shame on you.

Otherwise, I don't see much to feel guilty about. Maybe you could find another massage place.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Find a different business. If your wife asks - tell her what is happening. I don't see that you have done anything at all wrong, and I agree that what you are describing would make me uncomfortable too. I wonder if some of the masseuses are hoping to get some extra cash on the side.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

TSman said:


> Been married for almost 2 years now and been with my wife for about 10 years. Over the last year or so I've been frequenting a massage therapy place (my wife has been to it as well). Most of the time the massage is pretty typical of a regular massage. However, there have been a few times where I got a bit too excited and am feeling pretty guilty. Typically the massage is done in the nude with a sheet covering everything but the area being worked on. However, depending on which masseuse was working on me they may have removed the sheet completely when I was on my stomach. After that happened a couple different times I asked them not to do that again. Another time when a different masseuse asked me to turn over she didn't cover me up at all and I was laying there in kinda shock. I did ask here to cover me up but it took me about a minute to do that. (made sure to never get her again). There was a time when the masseuse came in before I was on the table and I removed my towel in front of her to lay face down on the table. Another time when the masseuse had finished, she was not leaving the room and began cleaning it so I got up from the table (nude) and got dressed. Finally, there were a few instances where while I was laying on my back getting a massage and I had moved the sheet asking the masseuse to massage my hip area but was not careful to make sure my "junk" was properly covered. So as the masseuse would begin massaging my "junk would become partially or totally exposed, at which point the masseuse would adjust the sheet and cover it up properly. *Overall, I believe I was getting a thrill out of the masseuse seeing my junk. * At the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong because there was never any sexual contact between me and any masseuse. As I look back I am feeling guilty. I had been unfaithful to my wife before we got married and I confessed it to her. Any advice, I would appreciate it


That is creepy and you ought to be ashamed. Cut it out.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

...


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Magnesium said:


> That is creepy and you ought to be ashamed. Cut it out.


Good catch. So maybe the OP has something to feel guilty about after all.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

It does sound like a very unprofessional massage therapy business, and a lot of what you describe would make me feel uncomfortable enough to find another provider. But, I also don't really think you did anything wrong. Unless, of course, you were there _looking_ for chances to expose yourself to the therapists. In which case, yeah, that's creepy and you should absolutely knock that off.

However, if being seen nude by a massage therapist bothers you, wear briefs and keep your underwear on. I keep my underwear on during massages because I dislike being totally nude in that situation. I don't get butt massages, so there's never been any problem with my underwear being in the way at all.


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## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

Rowan said:


> However, if being seen nude by a massage therapist bothers you, wear briefs and keep your underwear on. I keep my underwear on during massages because I dislike being totally nude in that situation. I don't get butt massages, so there's never been any problem with my underwear being in the way at all.


At the place I go it is usual to keep your underpants on. There is some butt massaging, but it's through the underwear. Any professional masseuse is going to be totally fine with working this way and shouldn't mention it at all. Any place that operates differently than that is not a legit operation.


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## TSman (Feb 28, 2018)

Do you think I need to tell my wife ?


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## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

TSman said:


> Do you think I need to tell my wife ?


Why? Stop "thrilling" yourself and you'll have nothing to say about it.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

I've had massages before for various muscle issues. In my experience in a legit place you aren't nude, you are in your shorts or if it's a spa they often give you special underwear. Second a place that does "massage therapy" should be even more conservative. I'm not sure where you are getting your massages at.


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## TSman (Feb 28, 2018)

Magnesium said:


> That is creepy and you ought to be ashamed. Cut it out.


I agree and that is why I feel guilty, do you think I need to tell my wife?


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

You aren't "cheating" necessarily, but it is kinda creepy. 

Stop flashing your junk.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

TSman said:


> I agree and that is why I feel guilty, do you think I need to tell my wife?


What would be your reasoning for telling her? To unburden yourself? Or, to be completely transparent? Would she benefit from knowing? How? Would you benefit from her knowing? How?

What would be outcome of telling her? Would she use it against you in future disagreements? Would she distrust you in other matters? Would you be closer because of it? 

You know her, we do not. Flesh this all out in your mind and figure out your motives - why you're really doing this weird crap and why you want to tell your wife about it.

If you decide to speak to her about this, make sure your tone and attitude convey your remorse appropriately. And remember that a genuine apology has several components: description/detail of the offense, the words I am sorry, vow to never do it again (may include detailed plan on how it won't be repeated), a request for forgiveness. 

Regardless of whether or not you tell her, quit the massage parlor and quit that creepy behavior. If you're doing it because your sex life sucks, perhaps you should have THAT conversation with your wife.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)




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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I think it moved...


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I don't know why this is any different than people who confess flirting with. They just love the attention and thrill of it.

I'd say you need to stop getting massages from women, whether you are nude or covered. Massages are a slippery slope for you.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Araucaria said:


> I don't know why this is any different than people who confess flirting with. They just love the attention and thrill of it.
> 
> I'd say you need to stop getting massages from women, whether you are nude or covered. Massages are a slippery slope for you.


You don't see any difference between flirting and flashing your genitals for thrills?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Magnesium said:


> You don't see any difference between flirting and flashing your genitals for thrills?


Well, yes I do. Being naked except for a sheet, and flashing one's genitals is MUCH WORSE than flirting.

That is why I am confused by the responses here. Maybe massages are an idol to some (because the physical feeling of massages must be really nice) and that is why they aren't willing to look at the whole issue without bias, so cognitive dissonance kicks in?


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Araucaria said:


> Well, yes I do. Being naked except for a sheet, and flashing one's genitals is MUCH WORSE than flirting.
> 
> That is why I am confused by the responses here. Maybe massages are an idol to some (because the physical feeling of massages must be really nice) and that is why they aren't willing to look at the whole issue without bias, so cognitive dissonance kicks in?


Ah, I see. I misunderstood your intent. My apologies.


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## TSman (Feb 28, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> Well, yes I do. Being naked except for a sheet, and flashing one's genitals is MUCH WORSE than flirting.
> 
> That is why I am confused by the responses here. Maybe massages are an idol to some (because the physical feeling of massages must be really nice) and that is why they aren't willing to look at the whole issue without bias, so cognitive dissonance kicks in?


Sorry I'm having trouble with your comment, can you break it down further for me please


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

You can quickly solve this problem. Get a male masseuse. I’m sure you won’t be in a hurry to show your junk off then.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

OK, first of all... just keep your underwear ON.... /end of problem

Why are you getting naked and allowing this little towel to dictate your exposure.. keep your damn underwear on man.

I dont know if im more confused by you wanting to tell your wife this non-cheating issue, or you being unaware that you can keep underwears on during the massage


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

> Overall, I believe I was getting a thrill out of the masseuse seeing my junk.


Gee, no! Really???? The word for that is *exhibitionist*.

Everyone I know who gets *legitimate *massages is NEVER naked; they're always made to wear their underwear. Where the hell is this supposed 'legit' massage parlor? Next to a bar and billiard parlor down on the corner of Ghetto and Gang?

So there you are - completely nude and just having the worst luck with all those pesky accidental 'exposures.' Seems every time you go there, there's yet _*another*_ incident concerning a towel "mishap" or some other 'oops' by a masseuse and horror of horrors - your world famous junk is exposed to the world once again.

So either you're an exhibitionist or you just get off talking about it here on a message board.

In either event...ewww.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Araucaria said:


> Well, yes I do. Being naked except for a sheet, and flashing one's genitals is MUCH WORSE than flirting.
> 
> That is why I am confused by the responses here. Maybe massages are an idol to some (because the physical feeling of massages must be really nice) and that is why they aren't willing to look at the whole issue without bias, so cognitive dissonance kicks in?


I don't get it. Your average professional massage is about unkinking bound muscles. I would not call it all that pleasant at the time, though it feels great afterward. One has to be a little sex obsessed AND repressed to get their lack of knickers in a twist over this one IMO.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Magnesium said:


> What would be your reasoning for telling her? To unburden yourself? Or, to be completely transparent? Would she benefit from knowing? How? Would you benefit from her knowing? How?
> 
> What would be outcome of telling her? Would she use it against you in future disagreements? Would she distrust you in other matters? Would you be closer because of it?
> 
> ...


I would imagine the OP's wife will find out sooner or later when she gets a call one day from him and he's down at the police station because he was brought in for indecent exposure flashing women at the mall or in front of the nail salon.


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

Sounds to me like you either 1. expect to feel better/less guilty if you "confess" or 2.maybe hope your wife will respond in some way that benefits you (gives you a massage, anger sex, gives you permission to "cheat") or 3. something I haven't even thought of yet.
If you truly feel guilty, deal with that YOURSELF, confess to someone other than your wife. 
There is so much variation in your wife's response, I suggest you say nothing...if you care about her. You could hurt her.

But, really, you primarily seem to care about yourself here. Figure out 1,2,or3 above with a therapist, a priest, whatever works for you.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

For goodness sakes. A massage therapist is a health care professional. They are use to bodies and helping them heal. Your massage therapist has probably seen far worse that you. As to getting a thrill, well, sometimes it happens and it all depends on how you and she deal with it. It sounds like nothing unprofessional happened and so I would say stop feeling guilty. 

If you have been exposing yourself that is a big no-no. If it just happened a few times and not every time, then don't worry about it.

When I exercise hard and get overuse injuries, massage is a great way to help with my physical recovery and get back to my training cycle. It you approach massage as therapy and not a sensual experience you have nothing to be guilty about.

Good luck and this is such a small issue in the big picture of things that go on in life.............get over it.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't get it. Your average professional massage is about unkinking bound muscles. I would not call it all that pleasant at the time, though it feels great afterward. *One has to be a little sex obsessed AND repressed to get their lack of knickers in a twist over this one IMO*.


Ha ha! You are just too much with your derogating comments NS!:rofl: Is there enough oxygen up there?

As other posters have said, no one is stopping OP from keeping his underwear on, and getting a massage from a male. Even I (sexually obsessed and repressed as I am, according to you) wouldn't begrudge him that!

What I said was that no one had yet equated his naked massages with cheating behaviors, like flirting! And when asked if I thought they were on the same level, I said 1. No, naked massage was much worse than simple flirting and 2. I said that it was strange no one had noticed or pointed that he is cheating on his wife through his behavior and I thought that perhaps people were not wanting to go there because naked massage might be a idol to them, and their own cognitive dissonance kicked in to protect it.

Maybe I didn't expound enough, but for you to take it as an opportunity to armchair psychoanalyze my sexuality is hilarious!

You're just too funny!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> For goodness sakes. A massage therapist is a health care professional. They are use to bodies and helping them heal. Your massage therapist has probably seen far worse that you. As to getting a thrill, well, sometimes it happens and it all depends on how you and she deal with it. It sounds like nothing unprofessional happened and so I would say stop feeling guilty.
> 
> If you have been exposing yourself that is a big no-no. If it just happened a few times and not every time, then don't worry about it.
> 
> ...


It does't sound like he is seeing a massage "therapist" but a masseuse at a massage parlor. A massage therapist would not ask him to remove all his clothes, and if he did, they would ask him to put something back on. A massage therapist wouldn't tolerate his behavior for one second.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Araucaria said:


> Ha ha! You are just too much with your derogating comments NS!:rofl: Is there enough oxygen up there?


I did not mean it to be derogatory. I can totally see how it came off that way though! There are so many people who get totally weird around aanything sex, eve equating nudity as some kind of verboten thing. Anyway, sorry.



> As other posters have said, no one is stopping OP from keeping his underwear on, and getting a massage from a male. Even I (sexually obsessed and repressed as I am, according to you) wouldn't begrudge him that!
> 
> What I said was that no one had yet equated his naked massages with cheating behaviors, like flirting! And when asked if I thought they were on the same level, I said 1. No, naked massage was much worse than simple flirting and 2. I said that it was strange no one had noticed or pointed that he is cheating on his wife through his behavior and I thought that perhaps people were not wanting to go there because naked massage might be a idol to them, and their own cognitive dissonance kicked in to protect it.
> 
> ...


I did not even mean to reply to you! Again, sorry. ANyway, I agree with everything you have written.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Araucaria said:


> It does't sound like he is seeing a massage "therapist" but a masseuse at a massage parlor. A massage therapist would not ask him to remove all his clothes, and if he did, they would ask him to put something back on. * A massage therapist wouldn't tolerate his behavior for one second*.


When I was in training to do a couple half maratons a year and some 5K's and 15K's I got a lot of massages from massage therapists. 

I always took them in the nude, as I was looking for serious deep tissue therapy and microfascia tissue manipulation. To do this well the therapist really needs to push hard and feel what is going on with your muscles below the surface layers and clothes just get in the way.

There was nothing sexual or sensual about the experience, it was usually one of light to intense pain with deep breathing to help work through the pain of getting sore stiff muscles to relax or muscles locked together with microfascia tissue to free up the adhesion holding muscles/tendons/nerves in place.

None of the legitimate therapists ever asked me to put more clothes on. It was pretty obvious to them that my various muscles were too tight and they used a sheet to keep the parts of my body not being massaged covered and out of sight.

My suspicion is that the OP has been going in for "sensual" massages, ones that are very light touching and not all that "therapeutic." Most of the deep tissue therapeutic massages I have had involve seriously tense muscles that need to be worked over in the way that forces them to relax and that usually involves some level of discomfort or pain.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Araucaria said:


> It does't sound like he is seeing a massage "therapist" but a masseuse at a massage parlor. A massage therapist would not ask him to remove all his clothes, and if he did, they would ask him to put something back on. A massage therapist wouldn't tolerate his behavior for one second.


I have been to massage therapists. I have asked. They always told me whatever I was comfortable with was fine with them.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> When I was in training to do a couple half maratons a year and some 5K's and 15K's I got a lot of massages from massage therapists.
> 
> I always took them in the nude, as I was looking for serious deep tissue therapy and microfascia tissue manipulation. To do this well the therapist really needs to push hard and feel what is going on with your muscles below the surface layers and clothes just get in the way.
> 
> ...


Out of site?? For me it was not freezing to death. 



> My suspicion is that the OP has been going in for "sensual" massages, ones that are very light touching and not all that "therapeutic." Most of the deep tissue therapeutic massages I have had involve seriously tense muscles that need to be worked over in the way that forces them to relax and that usually involves some level of discomfort or pain.


Same


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

​


NobodySpecial said:


> Out of site?? For me it was not freezing to death.
> 
> 
> Same


For me, some of the really great massage places have heated tables and keep the rooms warm to help your muscles relax. 

Also a really hot towel on your shoulders after they remove serious tension is just a great way to relax and get the blood flowing, before they start on another part of the body and induce pain.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> ​
> For me, some of the really great massage places have heated tables and keep the rooms warm to help your muscles relax.
> 
> Also a really hot towel on your shoulders after they remove serious tension is just a great way to relax and get the blood flowing, before they start on another part of the body and induce pain.


LOVE the hot towels. I am always cold though.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> When I was in training to do a couple half maratons a year and some 5K's and 15K's I got a lot of massages from massage therapists.
> 
> I always took them in the nude,





NobodySpecial said:


> I have been to massage therapists. I have asked. They always told me whatever I was comfortable with was fine with them.


I stand corrected.


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## gt30743 (Apr 10, 2017)

We, husband and myself, have had many massages from very legit places. It has always been nude under a sheet or towel, regardless of the sex of the massage therapist. 

Most of the time the massage therapist says something like, "remove all your clothes and lay face down under the sheet, I will come back in." Then they leave the room. Same thing after the massage, the therapist leaves the room for you to get dressed.

I have never felt it was sexual or exciting, to my knowledge the same for Hubby. Usually, it is somewhat uncomfortable or painful then later that day or the next day you are more relaxed and the knots are gone.

If something gets exposed, it is very brief and accidental certainly not thrilling.


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