# Will my degree & bubbly personality matter..



## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

to my husband, if I was not very attractive? It's okay, please be honest! 

I always thought that men were impressed by talent, intelligence, a sense of humor, ability to nurture, etc...& that all those were just as important as physical beauty.

I am learning..please correct me if I am wrong, that what matters most is that we are above-all, attractive to you, physically...everything else is extra?

Thanks for your thoughts!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Bubbly fun girl with 5 looks, to me, is better than dull girl with 9 looks. But it's true that the personality can only take you so far for initial attraction. And lets face it, it's pretty hard to get deeper without the initial attraction. So, bubbly fun girl with 2 looks? Probably not going to happen.

Obviously, bubbly fun girl with 9 looks would trump....

Intelligent is important, more so than the degree.

Post your picture in the picture thread and we'll tell you how you stack up!


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## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Of course it would matter.

You could look like Cheryl Cole but if you have a personality of a plank of wood I doubt he'd stick around.

My wife is very attractive, but if looks were most important I would have fell in love right away instead of it taking months of getting to know her amazing personality.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

What is true for me and the guys I know well:
- we have a threshold
- below that we won't do a ltr or marriage with you
- at or above that threshold you become "possible" and everything else drives our feelings


I date ed women more attractive than my wife. And she dated men hotter than me.

I never dated anyone as clever, quick witted, funny in a semi-blthcy way. Not even close.

She was crazily adventurous and also responsible. Go try finding THAT combination. 

At 50 I still crave her. What you call extra I call core.





OTE=karma*girl;1015575]to my husband, if I was not very attractive? It's okay, please be honest! 

I always thought that men were impressed by talent, intelligence, a sense of humor, ability to nurture, etc...& that all those were just as important as physical beauty.

I am learning..please correct me if I am wrong, that what matters most is that we are above-all, attractive to you, physically...everything else is extra?

Thanks for your thoughts!
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't like my wife's nose. But so what?


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## DrunkenH (Jul 29, 2012)

I don't think I've ever known a guy who particularly cared about a woman's college transcripts, so I'd probably bump that off the list. Personally, I'm drawn to practical women. Pragmatists. Of course, being hot never hurts.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> to my husband, if I was not very attractive? It's okay, please be honest!
> 
> I always thought that men were impressed by talent, intelligence, a sense of humor, ability to nurture, etc...& that all those were just as important as physical beauty.
> 
> ...


Looks are definitely not everything because if they were, I doubt any guy would want to be with me. I have a few large scars on my body from surgeries that aren't exactly "sexy" looking and in the past actually scared off some lame guys I had dated. My husband loves my body, but more importantly loves me because of my personality and who I am.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

The old saying, No matter how good lookin you think you are, someone, somewhere, cannot stand the sight of you. Its very true

Some people are superficial and are mainly concerned with socially acceptable beauty and body types. Mostly younger people. But as we mature, we realize, that looks fade, bodies sag and what your left with is your character. Your personality. Your goodness inside. 

To the OP, im not sure of the reason for this thread, are you feeling insecure for some reason??


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

No, not feeling insecure, just curious about how much the personality traits actually stack up to looks. I was browsing the MMSL forum & so much over there is about 'how attractive' a woman is & what her sex rank is that it made me wonder if other positive attributes mattered much. 
Thank you all for your insight...always good to be reminded we are loved for so much more!
Oh & MEM- I am so much like your wife! Wow! :O
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm sure every guy is different. I think we all want someone that we find physically attractive, but for me, that doesn't mean they have to look like a super model. I see a lot of women that I'm not attracted to, but I rarely see a woman that i think is ugly. I just "click" with some, and others I don't. 

I like a "sweet, bubbly, down-to-earth" personality in a woman, and always have. As for intelligence, I hear that mentioned a lot, and I'm sure people measure it differently. I have a college degree and a white collar job, but I'm not interested in a woman's diploma. If I'm with a woman, I'm not interested in talking about the stock market, global warming, and politics. :sleeping: Whether or not a woman leaves every morning with a brief case or a McDonald's uniform on, really doesn't matter to me.

I see some women and at my work and it's difficult for me to even imagine them being romantic. I wonder if they ever just like to sit in the swing and hold hands after dark, or watch a good movie together, or are they so "professional" minded that they think that stuff is nonsense? 

I personally think women who are the sweet type are adorable. 
To give a celebrity example, if i could find a woman with the personality of Kellie Pickler, I could certainly picture myself having a good time around her.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Karma, I bet you are better looking than you think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

If he is a good man it would. I do not think so highly of a lot of people so i would say they are fueled by there own selfish needs and my proof in that is to look around and observe how people destroy themselves. 


I place a lot of value on a woman who is good, sweet, nurturing, has high morals and has goals.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

First of all BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER!! So, what I call a 5 someone else might call a 8-9.

I'll reiterate there is a point.....I personally would not be interested in a woman too heavy say 180lbs no matter how proportionate.

Too add my .02 my wife and I have been together for 20 years and while not as HOT I'm as happy as ever!! Looks fade that's where the real bond comes in at.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Men are visual creatures. I could care less how confident or intelligent a woman is in all honesty. These things are (presumably) more important to women. It's part of the reason why you see women have relationships with men 10-20 years older than them. Men? hardly.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Smart is fine. Extroverted noissy funny can be a bit much. Guys do not want to compete with a girl. 

Today's culture pushes women to be like men and many women believe that the more "sucsessful" they are the more attractive they are to men. It doesn't work that way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't know, intelligence IS important...

But if I was to really reach back and ask myself what really attracted me to my wife, I'll have to say that it was just... chemistry. She's smart, so we could end up in debates or long deep conversations past midnight, she's stubborn, so we could be the best of teams or each other's arch-nemesis, she had a vision and a goal, and to me that's what matters more then a 'degree'

So hey - I wouldn't try to impress too much -> my wife didn't need to. Just be yourself and confident with who you are, and what you have to offer. Love comes either way, just be patient, and let it come.


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## Vaya Con Dios (Aug 20, 2012)

Come on let's ALL be honest here, Blonde, tall, slim, tight bum, well stacked....Yes sir sign me up right now!
The question as I see it is...ARE MEN SHALLOW?..
Let's not kid ourselves we are..but no more than a women!


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

karma*girl said:


> I am learning..please correct me if I am wrong, that what matters most is that we are above-all, attractive to you, physically...everything else is extra?


I would disagree. Physical attractiveness is nice, but nobody wants to spend the rest of their life staring across the breakfast table at someone stupid.

Looks fade over time, but personality lasts a lifetime.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

On top of what has already been said I believe attitude can somewhat alter looks. Even with classic good looks if your attitude is sour or cruel you're probably going to turn away a lot of prospective suitors. By the same token a more average looking woman who has a fun approachable attitude is probably going to end up beating men off with a stick.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

KG don't lie, you ARE feeling insecure. We've already established your husband thinks your hot.

To answer your question, for guys there has to be a base level of attraction. Then your personality influences that # up or down.

So let's say a 5 is where someone becomes dateable. If you're a 4, probably nothing you do will ever make that guy attracted to you. But if you're a 6 and you are funny, interesting, awesome, then you could get bumped up to a 7 or 8. Likewise, if you're a 6 but you're boring and annoying, you could get quickly dropped to a 3 or 4 and the guy wouldn't touch you.

If your husband married you, he's attracted to you. Your personality just solidifies it and makes him that much more attracted to you.

So in the most basic sense, I guess it is like icing on a cake. Cake by itself is ok, and you can have good or bad cake. But the icing is what really makes you WANT the cake. If the icing sucks, you're not going to finish the piece. If the icing is awesome, it's going to change your whole feelings on the cake.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

COguy said:


> .
> 
> So in the most basic sense, I guess it is like icing on a cake. Cake by itself is ok, and you can have good or bad cake. But the icing is what really makes you WANT the cake. If the icing sucks, you're not going to finish the piece. If the icing is awesome, it's going to change your whole feelings on the cake.


Confidence, wit, and ability to communicate well translates into attraction.

Whether or not you have an array of letters associated with your degree, a corner office, or a chauffeur; although stating something about who you are, generally does not contribute to long term attraction.

Like COguy said. Its usually the icing that someone remembers about the cake.

Be buttercream. Homemade. Don't go being no can of grocery bought Betty Crocker.

Damn, now I'm hungry.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Karma,
Certainly the world is full of "love at first site" stories. Nothing wrong with that. It is also full of love at first "challenge" relationships. When we set up our first date I had no idea how much my wife loved a "man with a plan". 

Her story: I was interested in MEM, and let him know in a low key way. He pursued me. No games, no hesitation. For our first real date, he was going to cook. He picks me up, is clearly in a good mood and we start to drive. And then he tells me: I had to work later than expected, so plan A got disrupted and that's ok because life is full of surprises and I always have a plan B. Plan B works like this, you pick the type of food and I'll choose the restaurant. We ended up at a great place and had a super fun night. 

She responded very well to that, and told me years later that event had a big impact on what she thought of me. 

His Story: She clearly looked up to her oldest sister who was married with 5 kids and lived in a nearby town. While her entire extended family was religious, the oldest sister's family was by far the most religious. 

During our first visit to her oldest sisters home I found the sister and brother in law to be good and loving people who were very sincere and candid about living their lives according to scripture. There was a part of the conversation which was unique to my experience, where they explained that the wife is expected to be subservient to her husband and the husband to be loving and affectionate to his wife. The oldest sister is a very impressive, intelligent and passionate person who I have great respect for to this day. She has an undergrad degree and could easily make the cut for a college debate team. And yet she believed and believes to this day that it is her place to be subservient to her H. 

Driving home I asked the future Mrs. MEM about that. Because I like to consider myself a pretty observant guy and was certain that I hadn't ever detected anything remotely resembling subservience in her speech, demeanor or behavior. What I did notice during our visit, was that she very much looked up to her sister (who is about 15 years older). 

After making some very sincere and complimentary observations about that sister, I asked my STBFW a question: "I heard an awful lot about female subservience during our visit, and am wondering at what point I can expect you to begin embracing that mindset?"

And without any hesitation whatsoever she replied: "Just as soon as you convert to Christianity, ******". 

Generally my W loves me as I am, she has however, never given up on trying to convert me. I don't blame her for wanting to spend eternity together, and honestly I kind of like the idea myself. Maybe some day I will have an epiphany. 

In the meantime, I can't resist the occasional suggestion, that she might want to practice at least trying to be subservient every blue moon so as to lessen the shock to her system in the event that I someday have some type of spiritual event and convert. 




karma*girl said:


> No, not feeling insecure, just curious about how much the personality traits actually stack up to looks. I was browsing the MMSL forum & so much over there is about 'how attractive' a woman is & what her sex rank is that it made me wonder if other positive attributes mattered much.
> Thank you all for your insight...always good to be reminded we are loved for so much more!
> Oh & MEM- I am so much like your wife! Wow! :O
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> And without any hesitation whatsoever she replied: "Just as soon as you convert to Christianity, ******".


LOL just lost my sh*t out loud on that one.

I would have proposed just from that one line, no further information needed.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

^^ me too)) MEM, that's awesome, I think I love your wife! 
Thanks for sharing your story...

What is it though with men acting like they wanting this subservient crap? Ha! It seems as though it'd be a truly dull life..not saying guys wouldn't want things going smoothly- women do too- but my H gets annoyed as hell if I back down too easy- he's practically groomed me to be a banter-enthusiast He gets on my case if I act 'too nice.' He loves when I make fun of him, lovingly of course, or jab him here & there to get a rise out of him..he does it to me All the Time!!
So I know he values my personality & other attributes- it's interesting to know how everything stacks up though.

And yea, I do know he finds me attractive, definitely. It's funny, other people think I'm much more attractive than I think I am. That's probably standard for women..

He stares at me a lot though & it makes me a bit self-conscious, but he'll never tell me what he's thinking- "Just looking!" That's the response I get.

CoGuy- you're such a brat!  and right...I guess I'm always a bit insecure, but isn't everyone? I don't know anyone who is 100% confident all the time..I just wonder sometimes about what makes the most impact on a man, my man, when he dances around subjects all the time when I try to talk about something, I can't get straight answer.

He never wants to rock the boat, so I come here for the truth. How wrong is that- I can trust you guys, but him- I'm never sure if he's just sugar-coating to make me happy? Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

When you show up naked do you get effed? Then he is attracted to you.

He's basically screaming it at you. Trust us, he wants you, you're being insecure.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I'm not being THAT insecure! Jeeez!  
It's just something that makes me curious, dammit!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

How is being bubbly and extroverted acting like a man?


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I think he meant it in a 'loud & obnoxious' kind of way..?
As in, men don't want to have to compete with a loud-mouth. 
I can see how that wouldn't be very sexy or attractive.
On the same token, I don't think guys like that are very sexy either

However, I will talk to you & I am pretty extroverted- which hopefully is a good thing! In my case, it was the only way to meet my husband because he is one introverted you-know-what!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

See i really messed up with my estranged as in attraction because i never really got to see him as in pictures for the first year of knowing him, as we met online, he saw loads of me, he had lied about his weight, he gave me old pictures.

I forgave that because i thought he was a lovely, kind, funny, compassionate, sexual guy, wrong this is what he was portraying, it was all fake.

He was arrogant, angry, selfish, sadistic and made feel like i was the ugliest women on the planet. 

To OP personality will always come above looks, who wants to spend time with someone that is boring and not fun to be with.

And being sexually attractive doesn't mean they are going to be giving sexually, wouldn't we rather have a partner that is giving.

I think in a relationship we have a duty to each other to make each other feel desirable.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> He stares at me a lot though & it makes me a bit self-conscious, but he'll never tell me what he's thinking- "Just looking!" That's the response I get.


omg - maybe my stbxh and your hubby are related. Mine said and did the exact same thing. Weird.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Ladies, if your man is staring at you randomly, and there's anything BUT a scowl on his face he's thinking some version of "Damn, I scored BIG TIME!" and because there's obviously nothing he'd rather be staring at. Your hubby staring at you is probably one of the BIGGEST compliments you can ever get. After 7 years with my wife, I still stare at my her sometimes when she's watching TV, heck I did it last night. She hates when I do it because she get's all paranoid about what I'm thinking, or what's wrong. She usually looks at me a few times and tries to ignore it, but last night she asked "What's wrong?" "ABSOOOOLUUUTTTEELLLYYY NOTHING! Everything is right in the world at this moment".

Attraction is very hard to define and you need a baseline attraction or as my wife and I call it "chemistry". But a person's personality COMPLETELY influences that. My wife is more beautiful to me today than the day we met, it's not even close. Now I found her sweet and beautiful (in the way I like (natural beauty, not platinum blonde, tanned etc)) Today, there's not a sexier woman in this world to me.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> And without any hesitation whatsoever she replied: "Just as soon as you convert to Christianity, ******".


:smthumbup:


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