# STBXW said she misses me and misses us....



## EHuntIMF (Nov 8, 2011)

Ok, quick back story recap.

Dec. 2011 found out she was having an EA with an online gaming person. I forgave (rugswept) and tried to work it out.

Gaslighting from Dec. 2011 - Oct. 2012 (explanation below)

(she never seemed really engaged to come back to the marriage, while I bent over backwards to try and make it work)

Aug 2012- she stated she was done and wanted a divorce. Also proceeds to tell me that she no longer sees me as a husband or lover. In October, I come to find out she not only did not end the EA back in Dec., but in fact had been looking at apartments and he was expecting to fly out to stay with her in Dec. 2012. There are tears and suicide threats when i confront her with the information ( I had all text, photos and emails at this point) 

Oct 2012- She moves out and we begin the 1 year separation requirement needed for divorce.

I do the 180 trying to heal and become strong for me and our contact was literally only 6 different occasions in a 17 month period. 

*Divorce was filed for in March 2014 / Court date is Scheduled for September*

This past weekend (July 25-26th) we both are in attendance to a mutual friends wedding, (the bride). We separately agreed to the bride that neither of us will bring a date (first to keep drama to a minimum and 2nd to help the bride with keeping cost down).

The wedding is a small beautiful ceremony, and I was cordial to the STBXW, but not generally distant and not overly friendly. I had to leave the wedding for another event I had that day and was saying goodbye to a few friends who were also in attendance. The STBXW then ask, if she can walk me to my car.....I am at first skeptical, but then agreed as I thought no harm could come of it.

On our way to the car, we exchange information on what is happening to various family members and pretty much just catching up on a superficial level. At The end of the conversation she ask me if I am ok? I proceed to say yes and give a standard non emotional answer of "just working and finishing school." I ask her how she is doing to return the question and she then turns to me and says the following:

" I am not ok." I inquire further why she is not ok.....( I know this was her opening, but I took it for what it was and proceeded to listen) 

She further says the following: " I miss you and I miss us. even though we are not together, I worry about you all the time and the time we did have together was not all bad. You also give the best hugs! I do miss you, and I know you no longer want me. I know the real reason....I could never been enough woman for you, but its ok." She then proceeds to go back to the wedding reception.

I was perplexed by her statements and the question I have for the forum.

WTF would she say that to me? what was her purpose in all of that? Is this some twisted way to gauge my interest or should I just continue down the no contact road and wait for September? 

I look forward to hearing from everyone


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

"I could never been enough woman for you"...(therefore it's ok that I cheated on you.)

she's just trying to excuse her actions to herself, keep doing the 180, and ignore.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> "I could never been enough woman for you"...(therefore it's ok that I cheated on you.)
> 
> she's just trying to excuse her actions to herself, keep doing the 180, and ignore.


:rofl:

I laughed at that too!


Which sitcom did she steal that lame one-liner from?

How about "You know, I cheated on you and I feel bad about that. I wish I had not and I wish we were still together. I really miss you and hope we can have a future together." 

No, all she can come up with is some lame, passive, deflecting excuse. She's not sorry. Not one bit. She just misses having you around to help her with the dishes. She wants to assuage her guilt by trying to be friends with you, because with women friendship fixes all past problems. 

Ignore her.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

EHuntIMF said:


> She further says the following: " I miss you and I miss us. even though we are not together, I worry about you all the time and the time we did have together was not all bad. You also give the best hugs! I do miss you, and I know you no longer want me. I know the real reason....I could never been enough woman for you, but its ok."
> 
> WTF would she say that to me? what was her purpose in all of that?


She wants to get back together, that's fairly obvious.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

> suicide threats


She is capable of saying all sorts of things. Did she mean it? Wasn't her idea to get you back off? Now she wants some sort of affirmation. Why?

Perhaps, a guy who was seeing her discovered that she was unstable and no matter how hot she was in bed, it was not worth it. Hence, the need for words of praise from you. Maybe even just your facial expression when she sucked you back in.

As to getting back together, it sounds possible. Do you want it?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

EHunt... She misses your MONEY and the EASY LIFESTYLE *YOU* provided her.

Don't fall for her BS....

It's a TRAP.

Life s*cks for her on "the other side"... Greener pastures aren't always so green...


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## SawbladeLily (Oct 26, 2013)

We sort of went through this 15 years ago. He cheated. He went away for a while. He came back remorseful. We worked it out, and stayed together... until now. And he's cheated again, and I've since found out there was at least one other cheat in there that was a fling. 

This time I'm done, even if he does come back and say how stupid and wrong he is/was. 

There is a saying in my neck of the woods.... "A skunk doesn't change his stripes." 

BUT... having said that, neither one of us changed too much to fix what was wrong, and that was the mistake. I wanted and tried to go to counseling, but he didn't think it was necessary. The list goes on. In the end, we never really fixed what was wrong.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

“She further says the following: " I miss you and I miss us. even though we are not together, I worry about you all the time and the time we did have together was not all bad. You also give the best hugs! I do miss you, and I know you no longer want me. I know the real reason....I could never been enough woman for you, but its ok." She then proceeds to go back to the wedding reception.”

Wait till September, she is correct she isn’t enough woman for you. You notice her entire statement was all about her even to the point of knowing your “real reason”. I always love when people decide my real reason for anything without asking me, they decide because its fits her storyline.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

EHuntIMF said:


> " I am not ok." I inquire further why she is not ok.....( I know this was her opening, but I took it for what it was and proceeded to listen)
> 
> She further says the following: " I miss you and I miss us. even though we are not together, I worry about you all the time and the time we did have together was not all bad. You also give the best hugs! I do miss you, and I know you no longer want me.* I know the real reason....I could never been enough woman for you, but its ok."* She then proceeds to go back to the wedding reception.
> 
> ...



Um, the "real" reason you dont want her is because she is a cheating [email protected] This was a pathetic attempt at getting your attention, and trying to make it look like it wasnt all her fault. Her new life is not all rosy like she thought it would be, so she wants YOU there to fall back on. Dont fall for it. Stay on the no contact road and keep looking forward to September.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

I agree with others, if she was never enough, then the demise of the relationship was inevitable. Nowhere does she suggest a reconciliation, she is just buttering you up. Go back to NC for now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WYBadger (Mar 3, 2014)

My STBXW said things similar in an attempt to reconcile. In my case, she tried out another guy, and then came running back to me like her hair was on fire.

If you're moving on with your life, keep going. If you think about reconciling, know she's probably tried out a few guys, now regrets it and looks for you to rescue her. Don't be a plan B guy.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

She further says the following: " I miss you and I miss us. even though we are not together, I worry about you all the time and the time we did have together was not all bad. You also give the best hugs! I do miss you, and I know you no longer want me. I know the real reason....I could never been enough woman for you, but its ok." She then proceeds to go back to the wedding reception."

I took back my cheating, now almost XW, back 9 years ago in about same situation you did. I rug swept, she did very little lifting at all. Mine just missed the lifestyle I worked very hard to provide. I'm still working to divorce her for almost 1.5 years now, and that doesn't include a one year separation. The WS only says those kinds of things to keep you around for what ever reason that suits them best at the time. Whether it be financial, emotional, whatever. They are only thinking about their needs, masking them by whatever emotional pull they might still have on you. 

Continue your 180, cut as many lines of communication as you can. Do not under any circumstances talk to her family. No matter what they say, they will ultimately only protect her. Go do what you want to do! You are no longer obligated to check with her for much of anything. 

I only communicate through one email address with my almost XW. That way, everything is easily saved for reference so that I may remind her of agreements that were made when/if they are not kept. How badly do you want to be a consolation prize? Again.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

just ask the admiral


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

She wants you to do exactly what you're doing right now... doubt your resolve.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Sounds like plan A is not working out.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Thound said:


> Sounds like plan A is not working out.


:iagree:
It sounds like life with Mr. Gameboy isn't working the way she had imagined. Maybe the fog is lifting, maybe.
But this was not remorse.
It was deflection. "I had the affair because .... your expectations were too high." She was baiting you to see if you would bite without her having to apologize or make amends.

Others are correct. Keep up the 180. Perhaps she will see what she said was sadly insufficient.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Could be there was also a little wedding fever working there too.
Stay the course.
She didnt do anything but state the obvious.


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## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

She's a fishing. Question is are you a sucker ?


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## EHuntIMF (Nov 8, 2011)

I figured as much as just deflecting and trying to see where I stand. I didn't take the bait, but just got in the car and left. I didn't entertain her way of thinking (Thanks TAM and MMSLP) and just kept doing me. I am no where near where I want to be, but I am working on it. I am determined to finish my degree, and lose the weight for myself. It was a bit unsettling to see her regain the weight that she lost (134lbs....yikes), but she is no longer my concern.

The letter from the court house has us going in from of the (Master of the court???) in September to finalize this divorce thing. Its funny how after sometime your perception changes.....before hand I was killing myself to make her happy, but now most days she is not even a blip on my radar of thoughts. I am just trying to make my life better and be a better man, everyday. I am not perfect, but I am a caring, God-fearing, loyal, and strong man. I know I can be an awesome husband, but I am having too much fun just be an awesome guy with goals and adventure to conquer. I have 2 more trips lined up before the semester starts on the 18th, NYC and Las Vegas! Wohoo

Thanks for being here for me TAM FAM, I just needed to put this out there to make sure I had my head on straight and not gettign caught up in foolishness again.

I will go NC until September and wait for the final decree.

I know this may be petty....but.... is there anyway I should approach the court date in regards to showing her what she missed.....Best suit? New girl on Arm? or just handle it like a business transaction and walk away with no emotions? need some imput on the best way to handle the last time I may see her....Thanks


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Skip the taking a new girl with you to court. Just make sure you look your best and show your confidence. You'll do great!


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

EHuntIMF said:


> I
> I know this may be petty....but.... is there anyway I should approach the court date in regards to showing her what she missed.....Best suit? New girl on Arm? or just handle it like a business transaction and walk away with no emotions? need some imput on the best way to handle the last time I may see her....Thanks


You should be doing self improvement every day. NOT FOR HER or ANY OTHER WOMAN. For you.

Do not take a new girl to court with you. I sense a backfire on this. 

If you aren't looking your best and being your best EVERY day, you're wrong. 

This isn't about her anymore. It's about you. Act accordingly.


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## beyondrepair (Aug 17, 2013)

helolover said:


> You should be doing self improvement every day. NOT FOR HER or ANY OTHER WOMAN. For you.
> 
> Do not take a new girl to court with you. I sense a backfire on this.
> 
> ...


Redpilled!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

I took a girlfriend to the courthouse once. 

Actually twice. 

Two different girlfriends actually.

One was early on in the divorce proceedings, one of my ex's petitions at a later date included the fact that I brought my girlfriend to the courthouse- probably didn't paint me in such a favorable light.

The other was during my divorce trial. Seemed like a good idea at the time. My attorney said "The judge will not like this, get her out of here!". 

Significant others don't belong at courthouses.


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