# Feel so lost



## Donkey (Jan 27, 2014)

Hi

I am new to this forum.

Both my husband (now ex) and I have hurt each other in different ways. 

So back 12 year ago, we met, fell head over heels in love, he was recently separated and had a daughter. 
We were getting on really well, fun times, laughs together, I idolised the ground he walked on, was so happy he was the man that was coming home to me every night.
Over the next few years I noticed he was hiding his phone and doing a lot of texting, so as you do checked the phone. On numerous occasions he had been texting women, texts he would not even send me. This has gone on since the year after we met until last year I seen a text to my brother in laws sister. Now I put everything aside until then, this really hit me hard. So I know he was on a website and I decided to go on and see if I could find him and see what he was up to.
So to cut a long story short, after him texting women for years, I ended up meeting 3 random guys from this site and had a 1 nite stand with them. Im sick to the stomach when I think of it and I cant be more ashamed and hate myself anymore than I do right now. 
So he caught some texts on my phone and it all came out, I told him everything. 
That was last September and we tried to work things out. He knows I would not do anything like that again, that is not who I am. Then last week, I know he had been acting strange, he told me he cant go on with it, he has tried but he cant get the images out of his head. I have tried to persuade him to stay and go to councilling but he wont. We have a 3 year old daughter whom we both adore. We have a fabulous house that we worked hard to build, got pyrite and had to nearly gut it and I love my house. Now he wants to sell and get out. 
Might I add we had money problems when all this happened. 
I know what I did was very very wrong, but he cannot see what 12 years of texting other women has done to me. 
I am so so lost, have not stopped crying since last week, havnt eaten in 6 days and I cant see how I will move on or how it will get any easier. 
Any advice would be welcome.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear about your pain Donkey, it does sound like you both need a break - if you haven't seperated already. You both have been hurting each other pretty badly and right now you're stuck in the fog of the emotion and the confusion of the situation. When you take a minute and breathe, you will see clearer. Get counseling for yourself only, and concentrate on the things you CAN control right now. Post here to get it all out and read others' stories so you don't feel so alone, it will make you feel better. Do cliche things that help people relax - take a bath, yoga, etc. and I have found that even though I'm kinda rolling my eyes at myself it really does help.


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## Donkey (Jan 27, 2014)

Thanks Struggle. Its so bloody hard. We have as such separated but we are still living in the same house. He stayed with a friend since last Friday and came home to spend a few hours with our daughter yesterday. He cant even look me in the eye at the minute. 
When you are used to texting someone and picking up the phone for a chat anytime of the day, its hard to go from that to nothing. Only for I have my daughter, I really don't know what would happen.
On our house, the way our planning permission worked, we cannot sell the house for 7 years, which is not until July of this year. Either of us cannot afford to rent somewhere, so I just cannot see how anything is going to change in the next 6 months. 
I went to the doctor on Friday and have to go back tomorrow. He wanted to put me on antidepressants, told me to go see a councillor (which I am doing) and took bloods as he thinks im anaemic. I'm only a small person 5ft even and i've lost nearly a stone in the last week. Even though I have a great supportive family whom I have told everything I still feel so bloody alone.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Was your husband sleeping with any of these women that he was texting? 

I like how you decide to check up on your husband by going to a website that he visits, and then you end up banging one of three guys you meet there. Then you pass blame for your actions, you wouldn't have done it if your husband wasn't texting. Very classy of you.

Tough to fix your situation to be honest. He won't be able to get the vision of you banging someone behind his back out of his head. And let's say he is banging your brother-in-law's sister, his mind is elsewhere already. He had it good, he could flirt and bang someone else but when his wife went behind his back, you suddenly became a dirty one that he can't go back to.


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## DiamondsandRust (Jan 21, 2014)

both of you did something you were not supposed to. if you can work it out, then work it out. but both need to be truthful to each other and both of you need to be willing to make it work. get some help.


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