# Is there a way to have amicable divorce....



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Why can't 2 adults just agree to move on peacefully?

How do I approach the subject? We're so very distant. We haven't had sex in over 2 years, so I guess that says it all. There are 2 children, and I want it to be as easy as possible on them. The marriage has been so rocky, the children will be better off if we divorce.

Anyone here who just decides to live together (for financial reasons), but not have a commitment anymore. There is nothing holding this marriage together except finances and the kids. I'd like to have a love life, emotionally and sexually. How can I talk to him about this? He's a very argumentative person.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I guess he still has your heart doesn't he?

Is it all his side or do you have issues too? Maybe you can look at your shortcomings, work on them, and see if your husband takes notice. 

The love may still be there, you never know.


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## biola (Dec 28, 2012)

Have you explicitly stated to him what you wantedd out of the relationship.The one I have noticed about bringing in children into a marriage is that sometimes spouses forget to be emotional partners first and parents second. If you haven't tried counselling,now would be a good time. If you've stated your grievances and he still refuses to budge,then I'm afraid you will to be the one to push for the dissolution of the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## biola (Dec 28, 2012)

Sometimes the reasons why conflict arises in marriage is simply because members of the opposite sex communicate differently.What a woman may see has trying to be creative in arelationship so that it doesn't go stale may seem as a form domineering to a man.You may to remind him that you just have good intentions and don't mean to across as controlling.Goodluck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think there can be amicable divorces. Unfortunately, just like in a marriage, BOTH parties need to want it and work at it. And it doesn't sound like he'd be willing to do that. So you need to figure out Plan B. and not dwell on what you can't have, aside from keeping it in mind.

You could try the financial incentive... It's much cheaper to do things amicably. You could try the "for the kids" approach; I think it would be much easier on the kids if you stay amicable. But in the end, you can't control him or his reactions, and you need to focus on protecting you and your kids.

C


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband did with his ex w. they agreed upon everything and the divorce was under $100.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

It can and I have done it. BUT it takes both parties to want it to be that way. There was a LOT of self control used to keep the anger and hurt from spreading out into the divorce. If your husband has issues with control and is very argumentative, you will probably have to look at other options than an amiable divorce.

As for living together; if you think it is rocky now, just wait till you try to live with someone who is upset and angry with you all the time. Living together after separation and divorce is not something I would recommend. The emotions that lie just under the surface only take the smallest amount of provocation to come out.

The other thing is that if you want to have a fulfulling relationship down the road, you can't be living with your ex. You have to find a way to move on with your life and that includes finding your own place and making yourself financially independant. I know, easier said than done.

Take some time to study your states statutes on divorce and learn up on the process (the internet is a great thing). Work on a plan that will put you where you want to be (look a couple years down the road) and then start to work the pieces to get you there.

Good Luck.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Like the others have said it is possible but only if both parties want it that way.

Ex and I had an amicable divorce, no lawyers and did our own settlement and child arrangements. We have quite a substantial asset base and still hold some properties in common with no problems.


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## ohno (Jul 11, 2013)

hehasmyheart said:


> Why can't 2 adults just agree to move on peacefully?
> 
> How do I approach the subject? We're so very distant. We haven't had sex in over 2 years, so I guess that says it all. There are 2 children, and I want it to be as easy as possible on them. The marriage has been so rocky, the children will be better off if we divorce.
> 
> Anyone here who just decides to live together (for financial reasons), but not have a commitment anymore. There is nothing holding this marriage together except finances and the kids. I'd like to have a love life, emotionally and sexually. How can I talk to him about this? He's a very argumentative person.


My wife was asking for exactly this (though she still wants to sleep in my bed I guess until she gets into some kind of relationship). She is the one who wanted the divorce. 

To me, when one party wants a divorce and the other does not, the wanting party asking the other party to be "amicable" _*is like a murderer asking the victim "why can't this brutal murder be amicable?*_ Now just lay there and let me slowly kill you right in front of the kids, don't be such a jerk, it will be easier on the kids if you don't scream for mercy and you kind of try to aim the veins I AM RIPPING OPEN WITH MY TEETH away from the kids so they don't get blood on em. K?" 

I don't know your situation but in mine it is like she wants to have her cake and eat it to. "No no no". 

Yes he is going to be hostile and no living together wont work. The really easiest way is for you to just move away and get out of his life. THEN talk about the kids and the finances.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

To answer your thread question: it's rare to see an amicable divorce.

For that to happen, both parties have to agree on virtually everything *including getting the divorce. it rarely happens that way.


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