# How far into marriage



## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Did children come for you? 

My husband and I started trying as soon as we got engaged at 18 years old(9 months before the big wedding day). We are so ready to be parents and it seemed like we got mixed emotions.

Some people say years of marriage is necessary, others don't think it matters..

Where do you stand?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

It all depends on what you and your partner feel comfortable with. Just remember this though.. children are another mouth to feed, another to buy clothes for, and another to worry about when it comes to medical bills, schooling, ect.


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## NotAlwaysEasy (Jun 21, 2012)

We have 2 children and not married yet. We are engage though, and will get married next year.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Ah, Tikii. Wait about 15 years and you'll know why your post makes me so sad.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

7 months before the wedding.

11 months into our relationship.

Yea. Not the norm.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Had my first one 12 months after being married. Another 18 months later. Waited 5 years then to have my 3rd. 
I was 23 having my first. He's nearly 18 now and I'm a young 42! 
I'm glad we decided to have children young. I always wanted kids, was never very career minded, but we have been blessed with 3 great kids and we are both also fortunate to have fairly good secure jobs. Money is never easy with kids about and things were very tight at times when they were little but I wouldn't change it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I did have an 8 year old when we met. 

I think I am a better mom with my 2nd. Being older and secure in a career really helped.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Ah, Tikii. Wait about 15 years and you'll know why your post makes me so sad.


Why is that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitkateybug (Jun 9, 2012)

In short, hubby and I started trying 2.5 years into our marriage. I wasn't pregnant until our 5 year anniversary.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Well, had my life gone according to what I would have LIKED, we originally talked about being married for at least 4-5 years before trying to have children. I would have liked to have had a "honeymoon" period - heck even some time to figure out our finances, our living situation, work out some of the kinks before adding children to the mix. We also thought my husband was infertile due to a childhood medical condition. We did not have it tested and I was on BC as our back-up method of protection, but we truly expected that we might need fertility treatments in order to concieve (his doctor told us to expect this, and to have an official sperm count done when we were ready to talk about concieving), so we were very ready to wait to get involved with all of that.

What really happened:

We figured out that I am immune to hormonal birth control, and despite my husband being diagnosed with a medical condition that had a 99.9% chance of making him completely infertile, we got pregnant by accident. Twice.

First time was before we got engaged. I was pregnant for 12 weeks before I even knew that was what was going on. I feel like a dope now thinking back on that time. I was taking that long-term birth control where you only get a period four times a year, so lack of period was not enough for me to consider pregnancy, plus remember that we truly thought my husband was infertile. Once we figured out the pregnancy, he proposed right away and we got married 8 weeks later. I was about 20 weeks pregnant on our wedding day. Our son was born a few months later. 

Second time: I got on BC right away as soon as he was born, plus I was nursing. (We didnt know at this time that I was immune to the BC, my first pregnancy the doctors blamed me for, saying I surely must have missed pills or taken abx or something to make the BC ineffective.) We got pregnant again when I was 6 weeks post-partum. SIX WEEKS. It must have literally been the first time we had sex after my son was born. 

We now have a son and daughter who are 11 months apart. Irish Twins.

Looking back - no, this is not what I would have chosen for us. There have been many struggles because of our situation, I struggle sometimes knowing that we are not as well off financially as I would have wanted us to be when we had children. We both work and we are very career oriented (one of us staying at home isn't even an option financially, anyway) and I am in a very turbulent part of my career now, working my way up from entry level and it is very difficult to juggle my job and raising two preschoolers. I struggle because selfishly I never got that chance to just learn how to be a wife, to set up my first house, to travel with my new husband - all the things I envisioned I would do in my newly married life. We have shelved all of that, indefinitely. And yes our relationship suffers from it at times. 

The positive side - we have two beautiful children that are best friends, we love being parents, they are the light of our life. We have both grown into our parenting roles and in some ways this has brought us closer together, having such a fierce love for the same two human beings. Also, we obviously dont need fertility treatments to concieve, which is a blessing because I have been watching some of our close friends go through that and it is heartbreaking. The flip side of the coin - feeling you have very little control over your fertility - is daunting though. 

If I ever had to give advice - I would always tell newly married couples to wait. But just know that life doesn't always have your plans in mind when things happen.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

We had our quickly, 10 months after we were married, all 5 in 9 years. It was difficult at times, however, we are now in our mid 40's & only have 1 left in school (she is 15). We are looking forward to being free by the time we are 50.
For me personally, I don't think I would have had more patience when I was older, we have a 5yo granddaughter & I can take her in weekend size doses, any more & I want my freedom!
Go with what works for you personally, if you want to have a career, then do it, just don't leave it too late if you do want children eventually.
One more thing, NEVER bring children into an unstable relationship, they will not mend your marriage, they make it harder work.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*Irish Twins*

I never heard that.... my mom had 12 kids, 11 months between each. I get it.


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