# Healing Process?



## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

Ok….today is the day I’ve finally given up on trying to win back my WW. She had an affair, ended an affair, and I’m sure will start it up again…maybe even tonight. There’s nothing more I can do, or could do to save this sinking ship. The marriage was never good, I was a total Mr Nice Guy/codependent I was used and abused while I tried to survive the turmoil of being married to someone who never committed to me, and who is incapable of committing to anyone. I tried to fix a broken person, and in the process was broken into hundreds of pieces. 

So even though this is a good thing (ending the marriage,) I’m still feeling lots of pain. I really don’t want to be bitter, I really just want to put her out of my mind, and go to work on myself…easier said than done.

Just wanted to hear from those who have been through it, what should I expect in the coming days/weeks/months?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Divorce won't heal you.

Individual counseling has that potential.

If you simply divorce her and move on, you will undoubtedly gravitate towards another woman who will push boundaries and steamroll you out of the relationship.

Untreated niceguys attract that action like iron filings to a magnet.


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## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Divorce won't heal you.
> 
> Individual counseling has that potential.
> 
> ...


I've gone to a couple of CODA meetings, joined a mens group at church, read No More Mr Nice Guy, and am reading Codependent No More...and I will set up IC counseling appointments through my work insurance.

So I hope to be healing, but to tell you the truth I want no part of another relationship...I don't have the stomach for it. I'm hoping by the time I do, I'll be ready, and at a place where I can have a good working committed partnership. 

Is there a mourning period that normally follows this?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

6 months minimum.

If you "do" get involved with someone before that time, let them know it's "rebound" material, so buyer beware.

They'll appreciate your honesty.


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