# What can I do



## livingthedream (Mar 26, 2013)

My husband is constantly looking at porn online and 1. denies it, 2 now has no interest in me. 
He wont talk about anything serious with me and my concerns.
I'm going crazy, it almost seems like its an affair to me. 
What do I do?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

You are not crazy, I promise you that. 

Look, you are going to get the porn defenders in here telling you the problem is not the porn, it's your insecurities, or some underlying issue in the marriage before the porn. 

I think that is a bunch of bullcrap. Your man is addicted to the variety and instant gratification that porn provides. He is weak...just like my guy. It is sad, but true. He is denying you in favor of that crap and it sucks and it eats away at you. 

You just have to ask him if his love for porn is worth more to him than his love for you.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Can you think of a reason he would be so into porn? For me it's because my wife has decided that she doesn't want sex anymore, but she can't decide that for me.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

lisab0105 said:


> You are not crazy, I promise you that.
> 
> Look, you are going to get the porn defenders in here telling you the problem is not the porn, it's your insecurities, or some underlying issue in the marriage before the porn.
> 
> ...


I never even thought about porn when our sex life was good.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> I never even thought about porn when our sex life was good.


Then you are my dream come true!!! 

Some guys need to take a lesson.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

lisab0105 said:


> Then you are my dream come true!!!
> 
> Some guys need to take a lesson.


A lot of things get painted with a broad brush. If a porn is taking the place of a willing enthusiastic partner, that's not good in my opinion.

If someone is using porn as a last resort, what the hell


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

livingthedream said:


> My husband is constantly looking at porn online and 1. denies it, 2 now has no interest in me.
> He wont talk about anything serious with me and my concerns.
> I'm going crazy, it almost seems like its an affair to me.
> What do I do?


Op - sorry to read this ...it must be very distressing.

There are a lot of reasons why 'some' men get addicted to porn. Most don't but some certainly do, it sounds like your husband has at least a problem with his usage... because it's effecting his marriage.

Are there any other issues in life or the marriage that could be adding to this... health issues, weight gain, extended family, work stress, arguing??

Below is a website addy you might find interesting...

yourbrainonporn.com


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

livingthedream said:


> My husband is constantly looking at porn online and 1. denies it, 2 now has no interest in me.
> He wont talk about anything serious with me and my concerns.
> I'm going crazy, it almost seems like its an affair to me.
> What do I do?


Has he always looked at porn or is this new? You say "now has no interest in me." Did he have an interest before? When did he lose that interest.

This is definitely a problem, so he needs to address it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Are you sure he's just looking at porn and not doing more?


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## livingthedream (Mar 26, 2013)

Hes always been very sexually curious and for that I don't fault him. 
But I feel like were in the rut of me being the only one instigating any sort of intimacy what so ever. And constantly getting denied. 
I find clues to the websites all the time and no wonder he wouldn't have interest in me after watching that. ( who could compare?)
I've tried to bring it up and we end up in a huge argument, which of course I'm the one who's over reacting. 
I'm loosing my trust and I'm out of ideas to reach him.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Sorry OP, this is very emotional to go through.

Understand that porn is not sex. 
It requires no emotion, connection, or efforts to please another person. It's not a matter of comparing attractiveness. It really isn't.

A person (man or woman) can be unable to connect emotionally, but still have sex drive. Porn serves that purpose. 

If he's refusing you for porn, it's a sign that he's not interested or able to be vulnerable with you. For whatever reason.
I know that's harsh. He needs to open up and discuss whatever the issue is. It's not a sex problem, most likely.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Porn for him is an addiction. It has nothing to do with you. So stop comparimg yourself to the women in the porn.

The fallout onto you is very real. I think you need to approach this as any other kind of addiction rather than make it about your sex life or your hurt feelings.

Have you thought about putting a porn filter on his computer or your home internet connection?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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