# In need of serious help...



## sriley1621 (Sep 30, 2012)

So I am 25 and my wife is 23. We have been together for six and married for two. We were highschool sweethearts and each others first loves. We talked about marriage for 6 years before we finally tied the knot and made those promises to each other. Now, one week before our anniversary she seperated and moved to her moms house to think about us. 8 days later she said its over and wants a divorce. I got the "its not you its me, i love you but im not in love anymore, and i need to see if i can do this on my own and be my own person." I understand all that but she doesnt understand how we are each our own people but at the same time we are a couple, she just refuses to see that in herself. We made promises for each other not a single one broken by either of us until now. We grew up together from kids to adults and every day i hug her, kiss her, tell her i love her, how sexy or pretty or adorable she is and have healthy conversations if only for a few minutes because of work schedules. I always do and always have made time for her no matter what. Everything seemed so happy and going so good without even a "normal" fight for a long time and the night before was like every other. Then out of left field she dropped this bomb on me. She said she has felt like this for a few months but thought it was a phase but woke up one day and realized its not. Also in the past few weeks (literally 2-3 weeks) she starting talking to a old friend "innocently" all the time and is know using him to console her. Not even her best friend, our mutual friends or either of our families saw this coming and she will not give the same story or whole truth to anyone. I am so broken and alone and in so much pain and depression I actually wrote a suicide note to see how it felt and guess what...it felt good. I do not intend to act on this but the thought was comforting at the moment. She refuses to try, refuses to even do a separation for a while to see how things go and by making it on her own she is staying with her mom until at least 6 months from now. She wont even think of marriage counseling or even the idea of living apart and just dating again for a while to see how it goes. I need any and all advice good and bad because she is my love, my best friend, my partner, my confidant, my wife, my everything. I cannot just sit back and watch her walk out of my life...out of our life.... I now feel so insecure with myself. If i am not good enough for my wife after 8 years how can i be good enough for anyone else? How do i move on after all we have been through good and bad? How do i still be me?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Sorry you are here. Read up on the 180, be willing to let her go. May not come to that, but the suicide attempt is a call for help. 

Get help, find a therapist, even if she won't go, individual therapy can help you cope and find the happy you again.


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

At least you are young yet. Same basic thing happened to me.. after 13 yrs of what I thought was a happy marriage, my husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore, that he "can't be the man I want him to be".. I never saw this coming. He's an OTR truck driver, and this conversation took place on the phone. He won't talk about reconciling, he just wants out. He wants to be 'friends', and coparent our 12yo daughter together. We have a house, debts, etc. I'm 48 and thought of starting over is so far out there, I won't do it. Its too hard. You are 25, you have plenty of time to begin again. 

Later I found out his real issue.. I have zero tolerance for drugs, and he wants his pot smoking more than us. At least I quit beating myself up about what I did wrong. Its not me, its him. And I can't change him. The serenity prayer is so powerful...

_God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
_
Good luck to you.


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## sriley1621 (Sep 30, 2012)

heartbrokenw

I am so sorry to hear about that. For us neither of us use drugs at all and we only drink "socially" on the weekends. I am currently pursuing a career as a police officer and she is working on crime scene investigation. I am starting to think (and maybe your opinion either way) that maybe there is such a thing as "too compatible"? I know I am still young and so is she but we have been through so much together and literally grew up together you know? I feel kinda bad for me to complain since your situation came from an even longer relationship but do you have any advice on either maybe getting her back or letting her go completely? I do however like the prayer maybe thats a good start....


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

sriley1621 said:


> I am starting to think (and maybe your opinion either way) that maybe there is such a thing as "too compatible"? I know I am still young and so is she but we have been through so much together and literally grew up together you know?


That's not it. 

She found some other guy she'd prefer to be with right now.

That's all there is to it.


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