# I have a sinking feeling



## marketAnrachist (Dec 26, 2012)

*I have a sinking feeling---edit with audio if possible, help*

How do I start this? From the begining, I guess. My wife and I have been a couple since 1998 and married since 2002. We have a daughter who just turned 2. We had what I thought to be a great relationship, she is/was my best friend.

I have always been jealous and in the beginning (year or so) I was unfaithful. I have been faithful ever since, and through out the whole marriage. She found out (EDIT)that I had cheated and admitted to kissing another (at the time). There have been several what I call close calls in which I seen what I thought where signs but no actual proof of cheating.

One incident, she was pregnant, with a planned child. I was helping a friend move in as a roommate.While at his house, loading up his bedroom set, I overheard him talking with his sister, when his sister said,

"AND SHE'S PREGNANT?!?!?!"

I asked him what she was talking about, he became very nervous and preceded to to stumble through something about some girl who had just walked down the street past us. Which there was no girl to be seen.

This came to a head over several days and finally I stated my concern enough and that when the baby was born there would be a blood test, or she should get an abortion. (I should also add that during the time when we where fighting over my concern of her cheating, I had suggested an abortion on a couple of occasions). I was sure that this would bring out the truth, with her being extremely against abortion, and pressuring for kids the whole relationship. The next morning she said she wanted an abortion. No cheating was ever confirmed and eventually I was able to put out the thought of her being unfaithful out of my mind.

There are other instances where I was suspicious but nothing more to go on than a gut feeling and circumstance with not much solid evidence to prove anything. But the listed above being the only instance where I could question my wife's fidelity with any real doubt in my mind. 

After we where able to manage our finances with out roommates, I was able to manage my jealousy and chalked up my previous suspicions on some sort of lack of "king of the castle" complex due to other males living in the house.

Several years go by and I am the happiest man alive and extremely happy with how things are going. 

This July we buy a house, and over the next 3 months, I employ a close friend of mine to help with the repairs. He has always been a "ladies man" or what ever you want to call it. Regularly talking about sexual encounters and how his current/ex relationship are/where going.

One day on a trip out of town to do some unrelated work, he says, 

"You are really lucky, your wife likes to move around a lot during sex, I thought that since her cousin just laid there she'd be the same" 

Or something to that effect.

My heart dropped and I turned to look at him, he seemed nervous and rambled on about how terrible a lay my wife's cousin was. At first I just thought he misspoke and tried not to let it bother me. 

Over the next couple of days I remember how I avoided talking about my wife's and I's, sexual life (due to insecurity of his philandering ways). Trying to ponder why he would assume such a thing. But I didn't say anything, thinking it was just a misspeak. 

Over the next month or so while he was helping with repairs around the house (roof, plumbing, etc) I remained guarded, and maybe extra sensitive to his actions and words. 

This is what I noted over the next month or so:

1. My wife is smoking a cigarette on the back porch. He and I exit onto the porch. I proceed to take some trash around the corner to the garbage bin. As soon as I turned the corner I hear him say under his breathe,

"I missed you"

I asked my wife about it when he left the area, she said he was talking to our dog. Which could be true as he is very friendly with our dog.

***at this point I become very jealous and start checking phone records, checking her gps on our phone security app. , house alarm records, etc. Over the next couple of days I review her where about's on the phone's security app. 

2. I get bored once while following her on the gps tracking and decide to let her know I am watching and use the security app to make her phone "scream" while it sits on her desk at work. She mentions it that night, I told her I did it as a prank.

The next day while said friend was over helping replace the roof, he asks to borrow my phone. As soon as he gets it he says

"So you use ____ (phone security app)"

Again nothing here to prove anything and on it's own is nothing significant to be concerned about so I said nothing, although at this point, the sinking feeling, is starting to get legs.

3. Around the same week/day etc, as the previous event.

while wrapping up another day of roof work we are done cleaning up and headed in the back door. My dinner is done and on the table , he had just picked up his dinner from the nearest fast food joint. He asks if he could eat his dinner here before heading home. We joke about how small the kitchen table is and that he would be relegated to eating his food on the living-room couch. As he's sliding open the back door he says under his breathe,

"yeah that's where I hit it." referring to the couch.

I ask him "what" since he said it under his breathe enough for me to to only be 99% sure of what he said. Also at this point I had had enough of the coincidences and wanted for him to repeat what he said.

He was like "Huh? What?" 

"I didn't hear you, what did you just say?"

"oh nothing" At this point we are in the house and defiantly within ear shot of my wife.

"No really I didn't hear you"

"Not now"

I approach my wife later and tell her all of my concerns and list all of the instances. She assures me that nothing is going on and I must have misheard him.

While still finishing the roof the next day...

3. Coming in the house for a break from the roof, he stops and bends over to play with my daughter. The whole time, I watch him act like he's playing with my daughter as he is really starring at my wife.

That night I have had it and am pretty sure that there is something going on. To try and coax it out of her I tell her that it turns me on and that we should try something like that. I tell her to tell me the truth and that I can tell, and that I know. She should just tell me, etc. She denies everything. At one point she says that ,

"You act like you know. If I was you and I was so sure, I would leave. How can you stay with me at that point, it would mean everything is a lie"

"If you were me, you would leave you?"

"yes"

At this point divorce/separation come up.

She keeps on about me not ever trusting her and hints at harming herself. Over the next week or so things are rocky but rainy so the roof is not able to be finished. Also during this time she leaves her cell phone with me and calls me while she's at work to just leave me on the phone so I can listen in on to what is going on through out her work day. She pledges her allegiance to me and swears her faithfulness. I let her know about my concerns about her sneaking out at night, and request she wakes me when her alarm goes off.

4. The next morning she rolls over to wake me, I go to kiss her neck, it is drenched in sweat. I ask her about it and she says she always wakes up sweaty. I have never noticed her waking up covered in sweat and nor has it happened since.

5. While searching through her phone I find a text "hola ____(wifes name)" Looking this number up, it's an out of state number in which he has family and always talks about moving back too.

I call the number and it's a text only number. Which has some recorded message about "text plus talk" an smart phone app.

I find another odd number... The same recording for "text+ talk"

A text from another unrecognized number on Thanksgiving

" Happy Thankgiving, I hope you get nice and stuffed"

A return phone call to this number reveals a girl who denies sending the text at all.

6.That night while we where fighting about it she convinces me to call him and ask him about it. He denies everything. I am unable to sleep that night, and spend that night on the computer trying to busy my mind. 8 am there's a knock at the door. It's him. He looks like he got as much sleep as I did.

He wants to talk about it some more and we go out back. I again recant all the details of my suspicions. He assures me that he is not the type to do that to a true friend etc. And out of no where he starts going on about how jealous he is of me and my relationship. The monolog does more to raise suspicion that quell my fears. 

I am unable to sleep and spend the night in darkness listening for rocks pelting the bedroom window, etc. Around the time her alarm normally goes off, I sit down at my computer desk and turn on the desk lamp (which is right next to the front window). I hear a car that sounds like his start up and speed off. I am unable to see if it was his car or not. She wouldn't/doesn't ever turn on that light.

Contact with my friend is sparse at this time and the roof is finished. We talk periodically and he wonders why I don't call him for side work like I had before.


6.He had some tools of mine that I had wanted to retrieve. The wife and I are working towards getting back to normal. I call him and ask him if I could come and pick them up. 

I show to pick up the tools and try to act like normal. We are just hanging out and he is reminiscing about his bike thieving as a kid . The end of his last story went something like this,

" So some little kid left the bike in front of the corner store, and I took it. I had it all repainted and was riding it within a couple of hours, when I run into "so and so". He was complaining about the missing bike, and realized that he was talking about the bike I stole. I give him the bike back" etc, etc. 

He then proceeds to go on and trash the guy who's bike he stole. Making perfectly clear that the bike he stole was from a rather young kid. 

"The only reason you let that kid borrow your bike was because you where f****** his wife..... uh , uh , uh, uh, uh, I mean his mom"

"Don't you see how when you say stuff like that, it makes me trip?"

"I don't see why, you change 1 word and it's completely harmless, and I really think that when you said , I said "your wife like to move during sex" I said "if". 

We discuss all of the events again, this time me telling him about some of my wife and I's going's on, lack of phone , money, alarm codes, etc. I go on to tell him that at first I wasn't tripping that hard and got lost in a point. I was edging on telling him about me telling her that I was "turned on by it". I never told him that, but he made sure to bring me back to that point after I had strayed away from it. I got the strange feeling that he knew what I had said to her in reference to me being turned on by it. 

Today is about a month later and I still have periods where I am seriously having doubts. She says she understands why I would be upset but I should just believe her............







Am I overreacting and just too jealous? Or is she cheating and I need more proof?


----------



## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Sounds lie she's cheating. You need to make sure, though. Too bad she knows about the phone GPS app.


----------



## marketAnrachist (Dec 26, 2012)

Terry_CO said:


> Sounds lie she's cheating. You need to make sure, though. Too bad she knows about the phone GPS app.


Is there any good hidden apps that record texts etc that I should look into?


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

This sounds like a bad novel where the protagonist is incredibly naive and gullible. he saw your phone and knows you spy on her. You repeatedly ignore major major red flags(the pregnancy). You repeatedly ignore things he said to you. he is getting bolder and bolder. Once is a coincidence. If they are indeed cheating, you are looking at a man and a woman who get off humiliating the husband. You need to very smart about this. 

One best way to go about is to setup an obvious bait. Tell her that you will be out of town for a few days and check up on her and your friend(from a rental car). Or even better would be hiring a PI if you can afford it. You can alos setup cameras inside the house without her knowing about it.

Does your wife work ?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> *This sounds like a bad novel where the protagonist is incredibly naive and gullible.* he saw your phone and knows you spy on her. You repeatedly ignore major major red flags(the pregnancy). You repeatedly ignore things he said to you. he is getting bolder and bolder. Once is a coincidence. If they are indeed cheating, you are looking at a man and a woman who get off humiliating the husband. You need to very smart about this.
> 
> One best way to go about is to setup an obvious bait. Tell her that you will be out of town for a few days and check up on her and your friend(from a rental car). Or even better would be hiring a PI if you can afford it. You can alos setup cameras inside the house without her knowing about it.
> 
> Does your wife work ?


I agree, except that this sounds more like a bad short story, which I think is the case here. I don't buy this story and I hope no one else does either. If you do, then have at it. I'm tuning out.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'd hate to say you're taking a lot of things the wrong way, and then it ends up that she IS cheating on you, but I think you're just a tad paranoid.

For whatever reason, you are now attuned to hearing things and interpreting them negatively.

I would suggest that you stop the inquisition with both your wife and friend and look for REAL evidence that something is going on. Think about going to trial... what HARD facts could you bring to support an affair is going on?


----------



## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

You brushed over the abortion like it was nothing. It was everything you needed to know and more. To be honest this sounds like a badly written made for TV movie. A handyman who's always around for some inexplicable reason. I think you are a troll. Nobody is this clueless.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I would say there is somewhere between a 100% and 110% chance she is very unfaithful to you.


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

Abortion or blood test the kid when he/she's born and she had an abortion.

All that needs to be said, she's been cheating on you for years now.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thats messed up, not only is your "friend" screwing your wife, but is also screwing with your head.

This POS gets turned on with the mind games he plays with you and your wife. its actually really sick, and it is amazing what a husband and wife will do to get their roof repaired.

The next time you guys get together get a VAR and carry it with you....its a shame you didn't have one on you back then.

In fact I would place a few VARs around the house and in your chicks car. This kind of thing is addicting and I bet they would jump at the chance if it came up again. You will catch them, you just have to play your cards right.


----------



## marketAnrachist (Dec 26, 2012)

Well, I am not a troll and what is hard to portray is the kind of person my wife is. I never took her for a cheater and to be an honest person. Out of all the people I have met in my life she would be the last for me to consider a liar and a cheat.

There are times where I am sure that I am just being jealous. She goes out of her way to try and prove her loyalty. I am not saying that it's impossible, but I don't have anything real conclusive right? 

When I bring up the fact that she choose an abortion over the blood test, she says that I pressured her into it. Which I can't say is completely inaccurate. But she only agreed after the threat of a blood test. 

I have been looking into var's but don't have $500 to drop on one that records at night and is motion activated. Does any one have a good website for this?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

marketAnrachist said:


> Well, I am not a troll and what is hard to portray is the kind of person my wife is. I never took her for a cheater and to be an honest person. Out of all the people I have met in my life she would be the last for me to consider a liar and a cheat.
> 
> There are times where I am sure that I am just being jealous. She goes out of her way to try and prove her loyalty. I am not saying that it's impossible, but I don't have anything real conclusive right?
> 
> ...


If you are not a troll, then why do you come across as one of the most dense people to ever walk the planet when it comes to knowing what's going on with your wife and who is sniffing around her? The moment you first suspected that your "close friend" was sniffing around your wife - and he's a known player - then why didn't you fire him and hire another contractor to finish the job? Seriously, you have a friend that appears to be playing word games with you to the point that it's emasculating you (assuming he's banging your wife). What makes it emasculating is that it appears your wife is normally in earshot and is probably getting off because OM is interacting with the cuckold and the cuckold is doing NOTHING to change the situation.

This is why I think this story is made up. In real life, even a nice guy would know that the contractor must go if he is sending vibes out that he's interested in your wife, or he's flirting with the wife, etc... Seriously, this story reminds me a a Bob and Tom show skit called "Mr. Obvious - the Handyman". I'd post it but I'd probably get banned for doing that. 

OP, if this is real, get rid of the contractor, get rid of the wife and try to do it better the next go around. Your wife has ZERO respect for you and you are clearly being emasculated by both this guy and your wife. Cut the cord already and move on.


----------



## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Quite the story.

The guy says to your face that your wife is a bad lay and he says under his breath to her "I missed you" and your wife tries to make it seem like he was really talking about the dog. And you just sort of sit there and pretend to buy into the entire thing as if it's perfectly natural for people to talk to each other this way.

Hilarious!

Sort of reminds me of one of those old SNL skits that was so bad that you just had to laugh but for the wrong reasons.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Unlike other people, I don't think it's necessary to get proof. You have tried, and have not gotten any, but you still do not trust your wife. It may be time to consider divorce.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

marketAnrachist said:


> Well, I am not a troll and what is hard to portray is the kind of person my wife is. I never took her for a cheater and to be an honest person. Out of all the people I have met in my life she would be the last for me to consider a liar and a cheat.
> 
> There are times where I am sure that I am just being jealous. She goes out of her way to try and prove her loyalty. I am not saying that it's impossible, but I don't have anything real conclusive right?
> 
> ...


VAR is a voice activated recorder. They sell them at WalMart for under $100. You can use velcro with adhesive back to secure it under surfaces like tables, sofa, car seat


----------



## marketAnrachist (Dec 26, 2012)

My gut feeling has always been that it's all misunderstanding. Which has caused my to be extremely sensitive to things said. Look it's easy to read what I wrote as a completely one sided story, which of course it is. There's always nuance that cannot be conveyed in an internet forum post. 

Is it impossible that he misspoke in the truck about my wife's sexual behaviors? 

He was speaking under his breathe, am I 100% sure on what I heard about the couch, no? Could I see him telling my dog he missed him, like I said he is very friendly with my dog. So, yes.

I really love my wife and the anguish I see in her eye's when we are fighting over this kills me. 

Wouldn't there be some behavior pattern changes?

We get along extremely well and the only time we have had any problems in the past 3 or 4 years has been this. Shouldn't she be different? Cold, mean, condescending, secretive? 

I have never caught her in a lie, her phone records match up to a "t" for the last 3 months. Wouldn't she have erased some texts? The whole time I was gps tracking her (month or 2 before she knew) she was where she said she was going to be. Every time.

After we started fighting she would just drop her phone off in front of me when she got home from work. she would call me when she was at work and just leave me on the phone all day. She quit posting on facebook, playing words with friends, and all social media on her own. I never asked her to, she did it on her own. I told her she could and she said that she doesn't want to, just to try and help me believe her. 

There's a lot of emotion and history etc. That make it hard for me to just post my concerns and throw it away on what could be a jerk friend trying to break us up.

I am not ignoring the red flags, (why am I hear?), but I am not willing to leave the love of my life with out proof. 

So please enough with the flaming and help me do what I need to do and find out the truth.

Is there a place on the forum to research VAR's, phone apps, etc.?

What do you guys think of PhoneSheriff?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is there a WalMart or Best Buy near you? Go there to pick up a VAR.


----------



## marketAnrachist (Dec 26, 2012)

broken post


----------



## marketAnrachist (Dec 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> VAR is a voice activated recorder. They sell them at WalMart for under $100. You can use velcro with adhesive back to secure it under surfaces like tables, sofa, car seat


Ahh, I was guessing VideoAudioRecorder. Thanks for the clarification.



DedicatedDad said:


> Phone Sheriff is just a parental control filter
> you can get a var at walmart
> 
> goggle spybubble for phone app


Hmm, top ten reviews has a category for cell phone monitoring apps. Listing all the features etc. It includes both apps. I would link the page but I am already being called a troll. etc. Don't want to be a spammer also 

But if you get a chance to view the ranking or have actual experience with PhoneSheriff please let me know, the feature list is much more thorough then spybubble. Like sim card changes


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, you are definitely changing your tune from your first post. I'll go with the assumption that this is true - for now...

Do you want to get to the bottom of this? Then go to your local police station to get a list of the most reputable private practice polygraph testers in your area. Consult with the one you choose on what you can and cannot expect from the experience so that you can prepare good questions for your wife. After you have your questions prepared, take your wife to the polygraph operator and make her take the test to get to the truth. I think the question "Did you fvck my best friend?" would be a good question to ask her while she's connected to a polygraph.


----------



## marketAnrachist (Dec 26, 2012)

I am not sure the best way to post this mp3, or even if it's appropriate. Pm me or respond please

I have told her she needs to tell the truth or we have to split up. She is staying the night at her parents tonight. 

based on this mp3*** (oops not sure how to post an mp3, upload to you tube or something? )


No vulgar language, just what sounds like a Bill Clinton ending. Please try and be objective as possible after listening to the audio. I am taking a very big step in my life with this.

This is in our bedroom while "we" where asleep. 

***Crap is there no attachment system.... Is it ok to post this 20 second mp3? Do I need to upload it to photobucket or something.


----------

