# Wife watched another man mastrubate! What now? Divorse?



## EtienneK (May 19, 2010)

My wife has been taking guitar lessons from home, and I found out over the weekend that they were talking about their sex lives with each other.

One afternoon when he pulled out he told her he wants to see her naked and kept on asking her to have sex in the garage. She said no, and she said out of frustration she if he wants to get naked he gets naked "here" (meaning outside). He took out his penis and started mastrumating in front of her. She watched and afterwards she offered a tissue.

She immediately cancelled the lessons but did send him sms's afterwards. She told me she enjoyed the attention, and that she did find pleasure watching it!!!

What do I do? Is this cheating? Should I divorse.

Regards


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

It would be cheating to me. How has your marriage been up to this point? Have you been having issues?


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

If a guy did this to me and I didn't ASK for it or give the guy signs it was OK. I would be heading down to the police department to file a report....


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## Sydni (May 1, 2010)

Well she liked the attention so obviously she gave signs that it was ok.... Ettienek... It is a form of cheating but not one that should destroy your relationship. If she had become sexually active with him then yes, go all out, be pissed, its your right... but she didnt touch him and she even refused to have sex with him which shows restraint. You also said She canceled the lessons afterward which means she knows it was wrong and knows that she did not want to continue seeing this man because she DID NOT want it to lead to sex. She stopped her hobby in order to stay strong enough to remain sexually faithful which is alot more than alot of women would have done..
I'm not defending what she did. But I believe that you can trust her. If not, I'm sure you would have not found out about the masterbation thing in the first place... 
When you are married and love someone it doesnt mean that you just STOP finding other men attractive. I believe she found this guy attractive but she loves you enough to not have sex or touch him in any way.. What she did was the equivalent of chatting to friend about sex and watching porn. You have a right to be concerned.. however I think maybe she enjoyed the attention from him bc maybe she craves a more open relationship with you or she craves more attention from you. You two need to talk. Be understanding to her needs. If something has been bothering her. Find a way to compromise on it. Ask her out on a date, when she gets ready to go somewhere tell her she looks beautiful. randomly tell her one night that you think she has beautiful eyes.. be open and conversational with her. Try not to judge her opinions, nuzzle her nose or kiss her randomly without expecting sex later. Rap your arms around her while she cooks dinner and kiss her cheek.
Romantic gestures will help alot. I really think she just craves more intimacy from you (intimacy is not the same thing as sex) 
Don't be to hard on her about the masterbation thing. She didnt touch him and SHE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM and guess what SHE DIDNT TAKE IT!!! You can trust her. Just realize she has needs.Make sure you two talk openly with each other about ANY no matter how small, issues that you've been having.
Hope this helps a little... I really dont think in her case that it was REALLY cheating....


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## Sixgunner (Mar 5, 2008)

Be thankful she didn't take tromboner lessons. :rofl:


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

EtienneK said:


> He took out his penis and started mastrumating in front of her.


And they say romance is dead in the world today. 

What she did was clearly out of bounds but after that she did the right things.

1. She told you
2. She ended the lessons

Clearly discussions to set boundaries are warranted but divorce is not. Just make sure there is no further contact with Johnny Guitar-Whacker. His intentions are clear. If she enjoyed the show then explore how that might work into your own sex life together.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Cynic in me says to watchful. Sometimes a person who has done far more but feels guilty admits to something they think will be enough for them to get away with the larger offense by making their spouse think a lot less happened.

It is very confusing and irrational, yes.

In my opinion, if what she did was refuse sex but watch him do something AND offered a tissue for crissakes, there is far more to this than offered to you.

For example, there's watching and there is WATCHING. 

Were they seated next to each other? Was she revealing any of her body to him?

To me, this is a huge deal! She gets some Brownie points for alerting you to something. But I am not that believing of the story given to you.

Is the answer divorce?

I would say that depends on what is going on with your wife.

I don't think the revelations are yet finished.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> 1. She told you
> 2. She ended the lessons
> 
> Clearly discussions to set boundaries are warranted but divorce is not. Just make sure there is no further contact with Johnny Guitar-Whacker. His intentions are clear. If she enjoyed the show then explore how that might work into your own sex life together.


:iagree:

There are some strange ones out there...I was flashed when walking to class at university & again in a crowded club with my friends(many years ago)...and years later when I was very pregnant with my 3rd child and drivng to work a man pulled up next to me....stayed at the same speed so I looked over to see if he wanted to change lanes and bingo...there he was masturbating while driving down the road next to me ... eeeew.

Maybe the 'show me your penis' tattoo on my forehead was a bad idea :scratchhead:

Where it gets disturbing is that she didn't stop it/walk away and got pleasure from it...if you can get past that, she is telling you that she has a void ... wants to feel desired ... that you have an opportunity to fill.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

swedish said:


> Maybe the 'show me your penis' tattoo on my forehead was a bad idea :scratchhead:


Hmmm!! My show me your boobies one never seemed to work.


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## EtienneK (May 19, 2010)

Hi All,

Thanks for all your comments. Yes I am still very hurt and feel betrayed. According to me she broke a promise before God as this is not being faithfull.

Just to add to the subject: She admitted he was sitting in the car with the door closed, she was standing right next to the car, giggled, offered a tissue and then later she mastrubated herself thining about the incident.

If I can, how do I get over this one?


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

This sounds pretty strange to me. The only thing I can think, is maybe your wife is a little kinkier than you thought she was. She told you she watched the guy, and she told you that she masturbated thinking about it. Is she trying to turn you on? Is she trying to make you jealous? Is she just trying to get a reaction out of you?

I don't think what she did was right. If I were in your shoes I would feel some sort of betrayal.

The part that would bug me the most is that she sent him a text telling him it turned her on.......WTF??? That is a red flag, if you ask me.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I understand you feeling betrayed. How is she talking to you about this? Does she realize the hurt she has caused you and does she feel she crossed the line with him? It does sound as though she is trying to make things right by her actions. 

You can get over it if you can forgive her for this, which will be easier if she shows remorse...it will give you the sense that she feels she made a mistake, crossed a line. But if you cannot forgive, and will throw this back in her face in the future if you argue, your marriage will suffer.

You can try to take something positive from this. Perhaps your wife was enjoying the attention ... you can look at your marriage and maybe find ways that you can improve it ... spend more time having fun with each other?


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

This is definatly inappropriate behaviour for a married woman to be engaging in...cheating??/ thats a hard one ...but I know that it is behaviour that would make my husband furious if i ever did...
the fact is she let him do it...he got to the point whre he needed a tissue...they both over stepped the line and showed NO repesct for you or your marriage....divorce? i dont know only you can decide that...but i think what she did was wrong...where will she stop if there ws a next time??


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

alarm! alarm! aka WAKE UP CALL!

NO on divorce. swedish hit it w/ void concerns for u to
fill. maybe she led him on, but hey, u know girls dont ya?
she didnt stop being one when she marr'd u apparently.

she sounds/seems like open type. maybe alittle free 
spirited, or wants to be again. she may be a good
honest communicator w/ u, if this is indeed her.

question is, can u handle it/her? or do u need professional
help? 

u best do something 'cuz what u got, aint working homey.

and she may not say no next chance, or chance after
that or............u digg? 

peace--------------that works--------------------cb45


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