# How to Stop Obsessing and Looking Back?



## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

So, lawyers have been hired, process is pending. He had an EA and admitted that and went back on that. Blamed me for everything, from being unattractive to his friends not liking me etc. He was physical with me and I with him. It got as bad as bad can get. I hate him. I think he was a jerk. I think I wasted my life being told I wasn't good enough and believing it and realizing now he was wrong. When I'm not heartbroken by how our son is handling it, i'm OK. Then, the obsessing starts. I start looking up the OW, and I start realizing stuff. They own matching shirts and messenger bags and get their hair cut at the same place, etc. They work together. He of course denied a PA and denied she played a role in our divorce, but he literally never did or said anything about being unhappy until he became "friends with her" and then all of a sudden i'm "good but not good enough for him." He keeps telling everyone our divorce was mutual, which is a lie, so I tell them that nope, he came home, told me he doesn't love me and wants a divorce and wasn't OK with my R attempts. He demanded I stop communicating with his family about our son (I send them pics and funny quotes he said). Whatever, point is, I cannot stop thinking about why he lied about the affair and why he won't just admit it and I keep bugging him and even harassing him with emails and texts demanding he do. I don't know why I'm doing this or how to stop. It's not like he's gonna stop being a POS and do it. It's almost a year since I found out about the PA and almost 6 months since we've been done done. So why can't it stop? Why can't I just not give a **** whether he had/has an affair and just ignore it and move on? Any tips? And I pretty much do the 180 till this happens, then I just lose it :S I just want him to come out and say he had/is having an affair. Because then I guess the blame is on his affair and not me, which he's been telling me for a year is it's me and not her/the affair. Help me not have to wait for him to put me out of my misery when he won't. And please don't attack me, the world is unkind enough to me as is.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

ChknNoodleSoup said:


> They own matching shirts and messenger bags and get their hair cut at the same place, etc.


First, I gotta address this. Matching shirts and messenger bags? LOL! OMG, no. How tacky. Do they wear them together, because if they do then everyone else is laughing (unless this is NJ, in which case they may somehow think it's cool?)

As for thinking about him all the time, you need to stop it the moment it starts. The split second it starts. Don't let the thoughts even begin. In fact, after you read this I would suggest you delete this post or at least edit the entire thing to talk about how you are moving forward.

Good luck!


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