# The New Wife's Ex



## KonaHaole (Nov 28, 2011)

Both my wife and I are divorced and both of us have children from our previous marriages. Mine is grown, hers are still in the house with us.

The relationship between my wife and her ex is beyond contentious. They don't talk to each other at all. If one of them is late picking up or dropping off for visitation, they call the police. It's completely out of control. My ex and I had plenty of fights over the years, but we never called the cops on each other. In fact, we never even went back to court. We just worked it out.

For a long time my wife asked my advice about how to deal with her ex and I gave it freely. Then when things didn't go the way she wanted or I anticipated, she started blaming me for giving her bad advice. So now I am determined to stay out of it.

So the holidays are coming up and, of course, they are having a visitation dispute. My wife really wants me to advise her on what to do. I really don't want to get in the middle of this one and, to be perfectly honest, it's a lose/lose question anyway. There is no good answer. I could go either way with my advice. So I told her, "I don't have any good advice on this one." 

She got pissed, yelled at me and stormed off to bed. Am I crazy? WTF?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, you're not crazy. She is. (Kidding... or am I?)

Sounds like she and her ex are reallyl immature if they call the cops for minor disputes re: handling the children. 

Tell her: "In the past I have offered you advice and felt bad later after the advice was interpreted as being wrong/bad/no good. Therefore I will tell you that I think you and your ex need to work this out w/o my involvement. I am hear if you need me to listen but ultimately, how to handle the kids is between you two."

Kapiche. And happy holidays


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Not having any contact is the best thing for contention.
You actually can not be contentious unless you are interacting.
YK?

Having a middle guy (not you) to arrange things sounds best.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Oh, no, no, no, no. . .as the man, you are not allowed to ever have any sympathy for the other divorced male.

Don't you know? You are on her side.

It's 

A. Whatever you think dear. He's an awful SOB. Yeah, sure, waste tax payor dollars calling the police for incidental stuff.
and
B. That white leather skirt does not make you look fat.
and
C. I didn't notice that babe on the beach.

Do not give your true opinion. 

Never deviate from this as a guy.

You can't go wrong with this advice. It's a minefield though if you deviate. YOu may luck out, but proceed at your own risk.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> It's
> 
> A. Whatever you think dear. He's an awful SOB. Yeah, sure, waste tax payor dollars calling the police for incidental stuff.
> and
> ...


:lol: :rofl: :iagree:


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## Limping (Oct 5, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> Oh, no, no, no, no. . .as the man, you are not allowed to ever have any sympathy for the other divorced male.
> 
> Don't you know? You are on her side.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, this can be true, and if it is, things are not good. I mean, if you cannot be honest with your spouse without her going off... Ungood. 

Best of luck to you.

Bill


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

Hi, KonaHaole
She is pissed because she can't pull you into her problem.

Don't worry, it will go away. Talk to her when she is calmed down.


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

Why are they calling the cops? Seriously it just hurts the kids. Anyway, I have 2 exes to deal with for visitation. Does she have a clear court order with times and everything spelled out? One of the exes I'd like nothing more than to squeeze his little neck till his eyes pop out so I deal with him on a very limited basis and usually through text so that we don't actually have to speak. My hubby pretty much handles him for me, bless his heart. We had our fair share of fights and he got loud and started yelling and my hubby stepped right in and said that it wasn't his place to yell at me anymore and he wouldn't tolerate him disrespecting me. That stopped his attitude very quickly (ex is 5'4" and about 140 lbs my hubby is 6'3" and 240 lbs). If your wife yells at you because you aren't fixing her problems then I agree stay out of it, if the ex needs his attitude adjusted then you might need to step in. As her husband you do not have to put up with another man disrespecting your wife. If they can't get along maybe you can play mediator between the two until they can grow up and act like adults.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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