# If your partner wanted you to sleep with someone else would you?



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

This topic came up and I asked my wife hypothetically if I wanted her to sleep with another man while I watched, would she go along with it. She said no way and it would be grounds for divorce in her eyes. She said that goes against her morals and her entire view of what a marriage should be, she also said it would open up a can of worms and she wonders what else "hypothetical me" would want done. 

I of course would NEVER want to share my wife, and I don't see how people find that at all appealing. And I know for sure my wife would never let me sleep with another woman, she is possessive of me and I of her.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Only if the other man would take care of the yard and teach me how to tune up my car.

*COMPLETE sarcasm there*

No. I would not.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I don't know about taking care of the yard - but he would be tending to the bushes...


There is a serious voyeuristic fantasy thing going on here, and some fantasies should remain just that - fantasies.


Think of the complications....way too many to even number them. So the answer is no.


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## julianne (Sep 18, 2013)

No I would not.

There was a demi moore movie a few years ago about sleeping with robert redford for a million $. I asked my h if he would want me to for a million $ and he jokingly said "before or after tax"? His real answer was no, too many complications, even if it was just once.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Considering my SO and I have been to sex clubs together... I'd say that I'd consider her request.

C


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

Goldmember357 said:


> This topic came up and I asked my wife hypothetically if I wanted her to sleep with another man while I watched, would she go along with it. She said no way and it would be grounds for divorce in her eyes. She said that goes against her morals and her entire view of what a marriage should be, she also said it would open up a can of worms and she wonders what else "hypothetical me" would want done.
> 
> I of course would NEVER want to share my wife, and I don't see how people find that at all appealing. And I know for sure my wife would never let me sleep with another woman, she is possessive of me and I of her.


Lay off the cuckold porn.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

This is complicated, I will never asked her to do it, but if she asked me to do it I will not lie I will be tempted depending the person, but the real problem is that I live with the philosophy "don't do what you don't want others do to you", so I will be opening the door for her to have a fling.

so no, I wil say no


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

NO!


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

People always ask these hypos about "no-strings-attached cheating" but no such thing exists.


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## hackbornyu (Nov 2, 2013)

There is a serious voyeuristic fantasy thing going on here


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Goldmember357 said:


> This topic came up and I asked my wife hypothetically if I wanted her to sleep with another man while I watched, would she go along with it. She said no way and it would be grounds for divorce in her eyes.




This might be better off in the "sex in marriage" forum.

But my answer is: it depends on who she wants me to sleep with! A young Angelina Jolie? There's no way I could say no to that. But Kim Kardashian? No thanks!

My wife and I have never shared each other, but we are open to it in theory. At least our marriage is secure enough that we can openly discuss things like that without the other person freaking out and threatening divorce.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ew.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No. I would consider leaving him if he asked for this.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

marriage isn't built for this crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*An absolute "No" here! It's just a little bit too prurient for the likes of me, thank you! And furthermore, I'd be totally appalled that a wife of mine would ever make such a request!*


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

My SO doesn't get to ask me to do things like that, and if he did I'd know that we should no longer be together.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I suggested this to my STBX a few times over the years and each time was a blunt "FK NO". Like me in her youth she has had MMF, MFF threesomes and even enjoyed her time with other women (and still claims to be 100% straight like come on) so in a way it kinda saddens me that we can't experience it together, yet also flattered by her fierce loyalty.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Goldmember357 said:


> This topic came up and I asked my wife hypothetically if I wanted her to sleep with another man while I watched, would she go along with it.


When I was 17 I was the OM in a situation such as this, the first time it was unknowingly as her H was watching through the crack in the door but afterwards she kindly told me all about the situation and I became the regular OM for about four months, he would never speak just sit in the corner of the room masturbating while I was banging his wife.

It was an agreed and open part of their marriage that she was allowed to have OM satisfy her as for the most part he was LD and she was very, very HD!!!

They have been married and happy for over 25yrs and there have been dozens of OMs and although they would never do the swinging thing she gets to pick up a hot guy and do him without knowing he was being watched by the H and then told after, if it didn't freak him out then he got to play as long as it lasted.

She had two rules.

#1) OM had to be single.

#2) As soon as any form of attachment was formed by the OM he was discarded.

She was never interested in leaving her H but wanted sex a lot more than him and he wanted a happy and fulfilled wife, they set their boundaries and it worked out.

But no in general it will not work out for most, it mostly ends in attachment and the ending of the primary relationship as the bond grows between the other two people.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

wranglerman said:


> When I was 17 I was the OM in a situation such as this, the first time it was unknowingly as her H was watching through the crack in the door but afterwards she kindly told me all about the situation and I became the regular OM for about four months, he would never speak just sit in the corner of the room masturbating while I was banging his wife.
> 
> It was an agreed and open part of their marriage that she was allowed to have OM satisfy her as for the most part he was LD and she was very, very HD!!!
> 
> ...


Forgive the threadjack but a husband who's watching and masturbating isnt low drive. He's a voyeur. They are VERY high drive.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

NO.
If my H wants me to sleep with someone else, I take it that we're no longer exclusive. So we're done. 
I also take it that he no longer loves me, and he's no longer jealous and protective of me. So again, we're done.
I desire no one else. My body is like a super complicated safe, password protected. Any other man's entering code is " ACCESS DENIED".


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

No. We brought someone in years ago to met my emotional needs that he wasn't meeting, and it was a disaster. It almost cost me my marriage. My own boundary prohibit this. We both agree that it would lead to divorce if one of us posed this question to the other.


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## HangingOnHope (Oct 26, 2013)

Goldmember357 said:


> This topic came up and I asked my wife hypothetically if I wanted her to sleep with another man while I watched, would she go along with it. She said no way and it would be grounds for divorce in her eyes. She said that goes against her morals and her entire view of what a marriage should be, she also said it would open up a can of worms and she wonders what else "hypothetical me" would want done.
> 
> I of course would NEVER want to share my wife, and I don't see how people find that at all appealing. And I know for sure my wife would never let me sleep with another woman, she is possessive of me and I of her.


No.

I would likely drive him to the nearest psych ward to have his head examined, or a priest for an exorcism, as there is no way in Hades that my husband would ask me to do that if he were thinking straight and his normal self.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I would certainly lose all desire and respect for a man who was happy to share me with someone else.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

RD, I can see the confusion in your post. Good food for thought. BTDT myself, as has H. (And her orientation confusion might play a part in everything with you all. Denying something major like that is telling.)
*I read your threads*

wranglerman, your friends removed the right of informed consent from these guys by springing the entirety of the situation on them. That's manipulative.

I thought about the original post last night. I'm not sure that a secure marriage is either black or white in the hell no we're above that/only un-evolved people would try it dichotomy I see in many posts here. Each marriage is different. As many issues as H and I have, if he did spring that on me, I'd have a serous conversation about things he's apparently repressed over the years. How can we expect others to be completely honest with us if they're been lying to themselves and didn't realize it?

Food for thought. (My reality is that today is day 21 of no sex, so there's that...)


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

No!

However as a young man I did have a short 'thing' with a married woman who would give me a BJ while hubby watched. There was no kissing, piv sex, hugging etc involved. Afterwards it was coffee or a glass of wine and "bye bye, see you next time." It was to me a very strange situation.

The first time it happened he insisted I did it but didn't mention he'd be there. About halfway through he walked into the room and sat down next to us. I almost freaked out.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've been in poly relationships, tried swinging, and have an open relationship, so in theory it wouldn't be a problem. However, neither of us like being spectators so the scenario would have to be one in which we can both participate if we're both present.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

A few thoughts on this. I don't really care if people view my opinion as controlling and old fashioned. The bottom line is that my wife's you know what belongs to me. Period. She laughs because she literally knows that if she gave it to someone else I would probably be in prison for the hurting the guy. It actually turns her on that the mere thought of another man other than a relative giving her hug even makes me mad.

The other thing is where did this cuckold crap come from. Admittedly I'm a fan of porn but I don't recall even hearing of it until a few years ago. I'll give swingers a pass (I still don't understand it though). But, I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would want to see their wife get railed by a bull aka a large well hung black man. Really? Its even worse that those that participate often beg and bully their wives into doing it. 

In all honesty I am a large black man and the whole cuckold/fetish thing is super offensive. A good friend of mine recently got invited to a mandingo party (do your own research). Seriously? What the he!! is wrong with people these days.


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## LadyDee (Oct 1, 2013)

No! Although I have learned never to say never, I am sure on this one.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> A few thoughts on this. I don't really care if people view my opinion as controlling and old fashioned. The bottom line is that my wife's you know what belongs to me. Period. She laughs because she literally knows that if she gave it to someone else I would probably be in prison for the hurting the guy. It actually turns her on that the mere thought of another man other than a relative giving her hug even makes me mad.
> 
> The other thing is where did this cuckold crap come from. Admittedly I'm a fan of porn but I don't recall even hearing of it until a few years ago. I'll give swingers a pass (I still don't understand it though). But, I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would want to see their wife get railed by a bull aka a large well hung black man. Really? Its even worse that those that participate often beg and bully their wives into doing it.
> 
> In all honesty I am a large black man and the whole cuckold/fetish thing is super offensive. A good friend of mine recently got invited to a mandingo party (do your own research). Seriously? What the he!! is wrong with people these days.


Well this 'thing' I got involved in was over 30 years ago so it definitely went on in 'those' days.

I like you don't understand it but at the time I had a situation where a rather attractive woman wanted to suck me off. I was an early twenties very randy guy. No way was I gonna pass that up.

He never participated just watched. :scratchhead:

Oh and reasonably sized white guy here so can't have been a 'well hung' thing.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

sinnister said:


> Forgive the threadjack but a husband who's watching and masturbating isnt low drive. He's a voyeur. They are VERY high drive.


Not understanding this??? She wants it good and hard but he will only watch, how can that be "very high drive"? 

Sorry, befuddled again :scratchhead:

God I feel old, now I am remembering things from that far back


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Having done an entire thread on this topic sometime ago ,I have found out that men who have this sort of desire / fetish have deep seated issues of inadequacy in themselves and they tend to mask it.Masochism is a variant of cuckoldry fetish.
In supposedly " normal " males who practise it , cuckoldry can be seen as a form of escapism

Interestingly enough ,what I also observed was that it seems as though it's mostly the men who first bring it up in marriage.
My views are that these men have deep internal , unresolved issues and it manifests itself as the desire to be humiliated in a sexual way.
Their wife is usually nothing more than a " prop " they use to achieve sexual gratification from their fetish.

It is an extremely high risk type of behaviour and does not normally help build a healthy marriage relationship.
It is rooted in deep psychosexual issues.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Well this 'thing' I got involved in was over 30 years ago so it definitely went on in 'those' days.
> 
> I like you don't understand it but at the time I had a situation where a rather attractive woman wanted to suck me off. I was an early twenties very randy guy. No way was I gonna pass that up.
> 
> ...


I get that your scenario isn't what I was referring to. I'm not judging you. With that said we both grew up in very different cultures. I'm not making this stuff up. Just take a look at a good percentage of the suspected troll threads. There are a few reoccurring themes, and large hung black men just happens to be one of them. To me its demeaning, that's just how I feel. Others are certainly welcome to their own opinions.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

RH, the perpetuation of stereotypes is what wysh might not get. 'Mainstream' white culture teaches "us vs them" in any way possible, with culture, race, gender and orientation being the vehicles for the false comfort the battle brings.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

There are actually a few other questions on my mind. OP, why would you even ask your wife this question? How did it just come up? Thinking about it purely from a logical standpoint all outcomes are negative. There are really only two.

1) She's really offended by the question and it damages her perception of you.

2) She says she would do it which would make you regret asking in the first place.

Its a lose-lose scenario.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi OP, I'm with ReformedHubby - why did you ask and what were you anticipating her response to be?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Say your husband or wife was in a terrible accident and was paralyzed from the waist down.....would that change the way people are answering this question?


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Have you ever heard of a "sh*t test"?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

richie33 said:


> Say your husband or wife was in a terrible accident and was paralyzed from the waist down.....would that change the way people are answering this question?


Absolutely not. If I really couldn't cope with being with someone who had suffered this sort of injury, I would leave rather than degrade, hurt and humiliate the two of us.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

richie33 said:


> Say your husband or wife was in a terrible accident and was paralyzed from the waist down.....would that change the way people are answering this question?


As long as she can still open her mouth, I'm good.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> My views are that these men have deep internal , unresolved issues and it manifests itself as the desire to be humiliated in a sexual way.


That's possible, but it's not always due to "issues". It's very common for both men and women to enjoy different types of erotic humiliation. 



> _Their wife is usually nothing more than a " prop " they use to achieve sexual gratification from their fetish._


Oh, come on. If that was true, then a wife would become a "prop" whenever the husband asked her to do anything sexy or erotic.



> _It is an extremely high risk type of behaviour and does not normally help build a healthy marriage relationship.
> It is rooted in deep psychosexual issues._


What if it wasn't in a marriage? What if it was just three people who wanted to fool around/ watch each other fool around? Same answer?

The only "risk" is the risk of hurt feelings, which comes with any relationship, kinky or not. If you use this forum as an example, then monogamous married relationships are certainly "high risk" as well.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Theseus said:


> That's possible, but it's not always due to "issues". It's very common for both men and women to enjoy different types of erotic humiliation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I've got to disagree with you. How much can you value your wife if you're passing her around like a dish on Thanksgiving? She most certainly is a prop when it comes to the cuckold lifestyle. Sure there are women that suggest it, but I'd argue that they do this because they aren't into their husbands or they already have somebody else in mind. No real man would want to offer his wife up. I'd bet good money that a lot of men that thought they would enjoy it have serious regrets. 

There aren't too many topics that come up that I am this judgmental on. But cuckolding is one of them. Its just twisted to me and the over whelming majority of normal aka real men.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Theseus said:


> That's possible, but it's not always due to "issues". It's very common for both men and women to enjoy different types of erotic humiliation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thesus,
This is a subject matter on which you and I will always vehemently disagree .
However , I do think that you are a very analytical person like myself based on your many other posts about other significant issues.

Firstly, the backdrop of the question is monogamous marriage , hence if three or four or five or any infinite amount of unmarried couples decided to participate in any sex act they deem pleasurable , then no issue exists. Not even if it's Paraphilic or a fetish.
A single man can masturbate to porn as much as he can till he's exhausted , and harm no one but himself. But a married man cannot do exactly what the single man does because it harms the relationship.

Whatever the justifications for threesomes, " open marriages "<---[ _which is a perfect example of an oxymoron_ ] or cuckoldry , the risk potential to the marriage relationship is extremely high and yes, normal marriages face all sort of threats / risks. But that type of behaviour _significantly_ increases the risk of permanent, unalterable damage and should , because of conventional wisdom, be avoided.

The main problem with that type of sexual behaviour in marriages is that the damage is often delayed sometimes for years ,and masked in deep seated resentments. Many times the married couple are unable to connect the dots retroactively beyond the act itself.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

It's not something I would ever do. 

Sexual and emotional intimacy with my spouse is what sets our relationship apart from other relationships. 

I think the risks are extremely high and as a woman it would make me doubt my husbands values and commitment, his attraction and love for me and would lessen my attraction for him, if he asked me such a question.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I've got to disagree with you. How much can you value your wife if you're passing her around like a dish on Thanksgiving?


But the wife isn't a slave girl on the end of a chain while the husband gives her to other partners. That's a different fantasy. In a "cuckolding" situation the woman decides who she is sleeping with. 

On a site note, I hate the word "cuckold" because it implies that there is some substantive difference between a woman finding other partners vs. a man doing it



> _She most certainly is a prop when it comes to the cuckold lifestyle._


OK, then. My wife became a "prop" when I asked her to dress in a naughty nurse outfit. Was there something morally wrong with that?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Whatever the justifications for threesomes, " open marriages "<---[ _which is a perfect example of an oxymoron_ ] or cuckoldry , the risk potential to the marriage relationship is extremely high and yes, normal marriages face all sort of threats / risks. But that type of behaviour _significantly_ increases the risk of permanent, unalterable damage and should , because of conventional wisdom, be avoided.



I will agree with you to this extent. *Some* marriages can be irreversibly harmed by openly allowing other sexual partners into the mix.

However, to be quite frank, judging by some of the dead and/or sexless marriage threads I've seen on TAM, plenty of marriages couldn't possibly be harmed by it, and others would actually benefit from it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Ummm I would be very upset and repulsed by my husband if he asked me this. He would not be the man I thought he was. Just the idea of a man bringing up the subject is abhorrent to me. Yes it's " just hypothetical" but not really.

A thought posed to your wife means that in some recesses of your mind, there is the hope that she would do it. You are unlikely to resist taking it to the next step if she said yes, right? Grooming her to actually do it. 

My thoughts would go to distancing myself from my husband and getting to know this person before deciding if I want to be married to him. 

I think that is what any self-respecting woman should do to shut down the notion that she can be used to sexually entertain him. It is impossible for a man to love his wife and think of renting her out like a used car.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Ok Thesus,
You look at it that way,
I look at it this way.
But at least we agree on the fact that it is very risky behaviour.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Theseus said:


> But the wife isn't a slave girl on the end of a chain while the husband gives her to other partners. That's a different fantasy. In a "cuckolding" situation the woman decides who she is sleeping with.
> 
> On a site note, I hate the word "cuckold" because it implies that there is some substantive difference between a woman finding other partners vs. a man doing it
> 
> ...


In some ways I think we are talking about two different things. I am referring to the men who watch cuckold porn, become obsessed with the fantasy and then convince their wives to do it. These men most definitely are picking the guy. There have even been threads on TAM from women who are seeking advice on how to get their husbands to stop asking for this.

I do think there is a substantive difference between a man choosing another partner vs. a women. A women choosing another partner doesn't necessarily say anything about any feelings that she may or may not have for the new person. But it does say an awful lot about how much she feels for or respects her current partner. 

I'm no prude by any means. Your wife dressing up for *you* or doing any other sexual act for you and with you is all good in my book. 

I get that you see my viewpoint as judgmental, but I was being honest when I stated my viewpoint on this. I just can't see anything positive in it. I know people are free to do what they want, but that doesn't mean I can't be critical of it.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

This whole situation is exactly why vetting one's spouse during engagement is essential. If ya can't talk about it, ya shouldn't be doing it.

Matching up likes & dislikes, and the motives for those things (including fetishes) has to be done. Otherwise, a huge mismatch will cause the marriage to fail.

Also, 'fetish' isn't a bad word.


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

I would be hurt if my husband asked me to sleep with someone else. I wouldn't consider it because we made a commitment to be monogamous to one another.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Provided that my spouse(if I had one) asked me to sleep with someone else, at this juncture of my life, I'd greatly think that it was being predicated on either her already having had sexual relations outside of the marriage herself and subconsciously just wanted to level the playing field, or that she was into some warped cukoldic sense of voyeurism!

And as for me, both of those activities are definitely dealbreakers! I'm just way too traditional in remaining monogomous with the one that I have totally pledged my love to! And no other!*


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

MrsDavey said:


> I would be hurt if my husband asked me to sleep with someone else. I wouldn't consider it because we made a commitment to be monogamous to one another.


I think I'd be angry more than hurt, MrsDavey. At myself for having made such a poor choice in a mate!


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

richie33 said:


> Say your husband or wife was in a terrible accident and was paralyzed from the waist down.....would that change the way people are answering this question?


Having endured a prolonged period (over two years) where due to medical complications my wife and I were unable to enjoy a full sex life I can see why some people might see some form of pressure relief in offering a partner the option of "playing away" but for myself it would have been a betrayal of my vows so I just sorted myself out and made the most of the intimacy that we could share as a married couple.

For other people in a similar situation or if the situation had been permanent each would have to consider carefully the full consequences of any action before deciding.

I can see case for “playing away” if you are both healthy and love each other.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

NO way!
Beside the obvious opening of pandoras box (Freudian slip intended), there are such things as sanctity of marridge, two ways effects, tit for tat sex. It would be out and out hell.

best left inside pon sites for those that like to watch scripted "real amateur" sexual encounters.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Having done an entire thread on this topic sometime ago ,I have found out that men who have this sort of desire / fetish have deep seated issues of inadequacy in themselves and they tend to mask it.Masochism is a variant of cuckoldry fetish.
> In supposedly " normal " males who practise it , cuckoldry can be seen as a form of escapism
> 
> Interestingly enough ,what I also observed was that it seems as though it's mostly the men who first bring it up in marriage.
> ...



I totally agree. 

They also want to humiliate the wife, they "own her" and coerce her into doing what they want. 

It does not sit right with me



ReformedHubby said:


> There are actually a few other questions on my mind. OP, why would you even ask your wife this question? How did it just come up? Thinking about it purely from a logical standpoint all outcomes are negative. There are really only two.
> 
> 1) She's really offended by the question and it damages her perception of you.
> 
> ...


We were in a different city for a random get away, and at a nice bar when we we got to talking to another couple, and they really liked us and asked if we would like to come back to their place and "have some fun". We obviously declined, so then when we got back to our place she asked me what I thought about that, and I told her and I asked her what she thought. Then it just dawned on me to ask her how she would feel if I wanted to do that or watch her. She knew my question was purely hypothetical and that I am way to into her to even think about letting her sleep with someone else. 

I asked simply out of curiosity


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This would never happen in our marriage.. so long as we both are well abled and bodied...we are physically and soulfully devoted to each other...

Now if something Life changing/ devastation most of us couldn't even imagine...like one of us became a quadriplegic (God forbid)......we'd probably have a talk about this sort of thing....

But never because of a C0ckhold fantasy...it would be more out of the concern for the others suffering/ what has been lost...and it would just be the most tear jerking thing I can even think of...


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Not only no, but HELL NO!


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## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

Goldmember357 said:


> This topic came up and I asked my wife hypothetically if I wanted her to sleep with another man while I watched, would she go along with it. She said no way and it would be grounds for divorce in her eyes. She said that goes against her morals and her entire view of what a marriage should be, she also said it would open up a can of worms and she wonders what else "hypothetical me" would want done.
> 
> I of course would NEVER want to share my wife, and I don't see how people find that at all appealing. And I know for sure my wife would never let me sleep with another woman, she is possessive of me and I of her.


If you wouldn't want that why did you ask?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I agree with someone90. Why ask? I wouldn't think it was just curiosity on your part. I would question if you were as WAY into me as you say you are.


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