# fiance cheated when dating and now telling me 1 week before wedding



## Crazyfun1 (Aug 1, 2012)

Soooo last night at work my fiancé called me and told me that he had cheated on me when we first started dating- our relationship spiral really fast- only together for 6 months and was pregnant and engaged- we have now been with each other for 2 years and we are getting married next weekend and he tells me 1 week before wedding that he had cheated on me with a girl that he use to have a thing for- now I’m hurt lost and confused!!!! 1 week before wedding and don’t know what to do! Please help!!!!!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Don't get married. Postpone everything until you either decide to reconcile or leave him altogether.


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

First, his timing is terrible. Men are stupid. I should know because I am one. Second, look at the positives here. It might be that he could not morally pull the trigger on this marriage without giving you all of the information. He didn't want to sandbag you. Was his timing terrible and stupid? Yes. Still...he's being totally honest with you. It's better that you know now instead of in two weeks when the ink has dried.

You need to reflect on your priorities at this point. Is this a deal breaker to you? Do you think he has other skeletons in his closet? Do you still want to marry him? Does he still have feelings for her or anyone else other than you?

Perhaps he just had to get this off his chest before the wedding and he didn't have the courage to do it prior to now. Using the phone indicates he was very nervous about it. Honesty is never a bad thing in a marriage...even if it hurts sometimes.


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## Jojara (Aug 1, 2012)

I don't want to make this post sound like I condone cheating, because I absolutely dont. 

However, your relationship has grown and evolved so much since the beginning. It sounds like the two of you have been through a lot, and part of having a successful relationship is working through life together.

Losing trust is awful, but if you are able to look at it realistically rather than through the emotion of it...it may not be so life shattering. Hugs to you! This is the last stress you need a week before the (supposed) 'happiest day in your life'.


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## Habibi (Aug 29, 2011)

Crazyfun1 said:


> Soooo last night at work my fiancé called me and told me that he had cheated on me when we first started dating- our relationship spiral really fast- only together for 6 months and was pregnant and engaged- we have now been with each other for 2 years and we are getting married next weekend and he tells me 1 week before wedding that he had cheated on me with a girl that he use to have a thing for- now I’m hurt lost and confused!!!! 1 week before wedding and don’t know what to do! Please help!!!!!


Oh no, thats so awful. On the one hand his honesty is a good thing. On the other hand it will forever make you wedding day a day that you will associate with the worst time of your life. 

If you can, then postpone it for now. You dont want such a special day to hurt when you think of it.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think it says a lot that he finally got the courage to tell you.While his timing sucks,I think he did a good thing by telling you before you went through with marrying him.
I don't think there's ever a reason to cheat but some people prefer to look at what was going on at the time cheating occurred to decide whether or not to R.

I bet you'd get good advice in the CWI section.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

C123 said:


> First, his timing is terrible. Men are stupid. I should know because I am one.


Yes, men can be stupid. The thing that jumped out at me is that he CALLED with this info. He didn't have enough sack to sit her down and tell her? I'd be waiting for the trickle-truth to slowly come out on this one.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Yes, men can be stupid. The thing that jumped out at me is that he CALLED with this info. He didn't have enough sack to sit her down and tell her? I'd be waiting for the trickle-truth to slowly come out on this one.


whoa i totally missed that when i was reading.

he CALLED??? wow that's no good.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's all about the timing.
Since this happened long ago, before he know you were "the one" and before you two produced a child, I would continue on with the marriage.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

He cheated on you when you first started dating, that was 2 years ago, now you've got a child and a wedding planned next weekend.

Things could be worse. If he's long since over her and just wanted to clear the air and his conscience and it was a one time thing and it's all in the past, see if you can get past it.

If not, or if he's telling you this - by phone no less- because he's getting cold feet about the wedding or he's still got feelings for her then a wedding would not be a good decision at this time.

I don't get why he did it by phone rather than sitting down with you and talking about something of such magnitude face to face. Is he a cowardly person by nature? If so there could be some other, more serious issues here.


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

I bet he did it by phone because he was scared to death to tell her. He knew the timing was awful and he was a chicken about it.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I feel that if you have any doubt them you might want to rethink your wedding plans or post pone until you are sure he is the one for you and yall have ironed this out


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## Crazyfun1 (Aug 1, 2012)

he says we have came along way since that day and he is so in love with me and our family (we have a 8 month old son) more then anything and nothing will come between that now- he just couldn’t walk down the aisle knowing he was keeping this from me.


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## Crazyfun1 (Aug 1, 2012)

He is also from another state so it was long distance relationship when it happened but then again I also got pregnant when we were in a long distance relationship- he moved here to be with me 3 months after I got pregnant.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Crazyfun1 said:


> he says we have came along way since that day and he is so in love with me and our family (we have a 8 month old son) more then anything and nothing will come between that now- he just couldn’t walk down the aisle knowing he was keeping this from me.


Well thats good how do you feel ?? are you willing to work thru this or ?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't marry him


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Sounds similar to this, http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/52414-fiance-cheated-me.html


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## Crazyfun1 (Aug 1, 2012)

He also does not like Confrontation and I am not one to be pushed around I will tell him how I feel and he probably did NOT want to face that!


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## Crazyfun1 (Aug 1, 2012)

i am very much in love with him im just really hurt and numb about the whole thing because out of all people i never would have thought this to come from him! and while walking downt he aisle am i going to be thinking of how happy i am to be married or how he cheated on me when we were dating in the start-


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

hold off on the wedding.you can't get married with this sort of cloud hanging over you.this isn't a movie ok? it will not be a happy day of wedded bliss if you don't get all these feelings resolved prior to your I DOs.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

C123 said:


> I bet he did it by phone because he was scared to death to tell her. He knew the timing was awful and he was a chicken about it.





Crazyfun1 said:


> He also does not like Confrontation and I am not one to be pushed around I will tell him how I feel and he probably did NOT want to face that!


Sounds like you're about to marry an epic Nice Guy. Overnight this book to him as a gift - Amazon.com: No More Mr. Nice Guy! (9780762415335): Robert A. Glover: Books

Maybe he'll find his sack before the big day. I hope I'm wrong (wouldn't be the first time), but you may be back her in a few years posting - "Why does my Nice Guy husband let me, and everyone else trample all over him?"


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

look at it this way.
at least he told you. others wouldnt.
at least he didnt tell you into the marriage.

furthermore, no one is ever going to tell the other person when they are together/dating everything because it would, obviously, scare the other person away. trust is a hard thing these days and so is commitment. the slightest bit of "dislike" makes the other person run. its like everyone has to be perfect. no one is. neither are you, nor is he 

at least he is saying everything BEFORE you get married regardless of the timing. it just shows that he is in it for the long haul and that he wants to clean the slate before entering into the new journey together.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Crazyfun1 said:


> my fiancé called me and told me that he had cheated on me when we first started dating


 Cheating is always a bad thing, but where you where in the relationship when he cheated impacts how bad it is. If it was in the first few months before you go engaged, that may not be a deal breaker. If it was after you were engaged, I would think about maybe holding off the wedding.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

When he slept with this other woman, was it clear to everyone that you were exclusive?


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## Crazyfun1 (Aug 1, 2012)

well we were from 2 diffrent states BUT his family new about me and his close friends.


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## Crazyfun1 (Aug 1, 2012)

oh yeah and the day before that happened we had drove 4 hrs both ways to meet up and spend time with each other-


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Yes, men can be stupid. The thing that jumped out at me is that he CALLED with this info. He didn't have enough sack to sit her down and tell her? I'd be waiting for the trickle-truth to slowly come out on this one.


The timing and the calling almost sounds like he wants to get out of this marriage. Like he got cold feet and chose the worst possible way and time to share this information, so that she'd cancel the wedding.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Sorry, he doesn't get brownie points for telling you he had sex with another woman, nope, no way no how should he get ANY credit for telling you he cheated.
Repeat, he cheated on you, who cares why he's now coming clean, the fact is he cheated on you. 
Who knows for sure why he's now finally telling you, that doesn't matter, what matters is he cheated on you at all.
At the very least, put the wedding on hold, it's much easier to do that than it is to divorce.


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

Do not go through with the marriage at this time.

Speaking from experience, my then bf, (now H) of 5 years told me he had cheated (4 months before the wedding) on me 2 days before the wedding and being that I was overwhelmed with all the expectations of family... all the work, planning and expense, I internally felt pressured to go through with the wedding. It was not the right decision for me.

This is the one of the many red flags I chose to ignore and that is my fault... 

Postpone the wedding and give yourself the time to re-evalute, reflect and be honest with yourself and your situation.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Hold off on the wedding.

Get more info and decide. Give yourself time to mull things over.

Realize he could be trickle-truthing you. 

You need time to get more info, to look at things you may have missed, to let your emotions settle.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Crazyfun1 said:


> i am very much in love with him im just really hurt and numb about the whole thing because out of all people i never would have thought this to come from him! and while walking downt he aisle am i going to be thinking of how happy i am to be married or how he cheated on me when we were dating in the start-


How long had you been dating when he cheated? How committed to each other were you at the time?

I started dating my now wife in October. I cheated on her in December with an old girlfriend. I wasn't IN LOVE with my now wife at the time I cheated on her. We had only been dating a couple of months. I was 21 and she was 18.

We went on to date for another 4 years, got married and will be celebrating our 25th anniversary next year.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> How long had you been dating when he cheated? How committed to each other were you at the time?
> 
> I started dating my now wife in October. I cheated on her in December with an old girlfriend. I wasn't IN LOVE with my now wife at the time I cheated on her. We had only been dating a couple of months. I was 21 and she was 18.
> 
> We went on to date for another 4 years, got married and will be celebrating our 25th anniversary next year.




But you're sad, Sam. You are, are you not?


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