# Well, wife wants a divorce...here is our story.....hoping to reconcile



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

So...

Married 7 years. 2 kids. did foster care for several years also but no longer.

Lately things have been rocky from time to time. I have been negative often, stopped going to church with the wife and kids, wasnt spending much time with them ,etc. Spent a lot of time at work, a lot of time in the gym, etc. Attitude issues increased lately...was taking steroids, getting ready to compete and wife hated it.

things werent always bad, but this is the stuff she complained about.

Over the years I have promised to change, promised to get a better relationshiup with Christ, promised to leave work on time, promised to spend more time (positive time) as a family. I would change for a bit and then slip back.

We were looking at buying houses locally. 

We went on a family trip which ended up not super great because of my attitude. The following weekend we got in an argument because of me, wife was crying "why are you doing this? Stop. please stop. I love you". Keep in mind, I was never abusive.

The next day we were looking at houses, getting preapproved and she decided to say that she wanted to seperate. Said the fight was the last nail in the coffin.

Over the weeks we would get into relationship talks, she would end up mad/in tears, I would end up in tears, promising to change, etc. She kept saying "im done. plus i know if I give you another chance, I will just get hurt again so I need to move on".

Over the first couple weeks, she hated me with a fury. Wanted nothing to do with me, wouldnt talk with me, etc.

Found out we had a friend what was playing us against eachother, making stuff up, etc. which made us not get along even more. We ventually discussed the stuff she was saying and figured it out.

At one point she said "had it not been for her, maybe we could have reconciled sooner. I mean, not saying there was a chance but she caused some serious issues".

Then we had some more talks...she broke down big time, saying how her prince charming who she was supposed to trust for the rest of her life has hurt her. she didnt get why I put up a wall towards her for so long....this isnt the life she imagined. Single, divorced with 2 kids and no job at 25 (she is a SAHM).

then we had easter together with her family, started getting along good. We watch movies together a couple nights a week after putting the kids to bed. I moved back home. 

Lately, we have been spending A LOT of time together. Going out to lunch with the kids, to dinner, she has gone back to cooking dinner and including me in family dinners, family outing, etc. Made a lot of "we" and "us" comments about the future. Fixing up the house, trimming bushes, buying a leaf blower, etc. Watching a lot of movies, going to church together, out with friends, etc.


Then yesterday, she brings up the fact that we still havent put in a 30 day notice. says maybe we need to finish the projects around the house first then put it in. Then asked me "wjhats wrong?" and i said "you know I dont wanna do this" and she said "I know...but you know I do".

So then at lunch time, she makes me a sandwich (hadnt done this in year). Does all my laundry, folds it and puts it away (hasnt done this in about 7 months - we have gotten into arguments about my laundry being the only one to never get put away).

Then last night she puts on another movie for us.


----------



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

She has mentioned over and over "I dont believe the changes are real yet. What? Did you think magically after a month of changes and tryhing to fix it that we would be back together already?"

But then follows up with "If I give you another chanc,e I know I will just get hurt. You have promised so many times"

But then follows that up with "I am done. I dont have the energy to do this anymore. I just want to be single and focus on the kids."


sHe originally had a date to turn in the divorce paperwork. She didnt go. Said now its not a priority, but then the other night said she hasnt turned it in because I asked her not too. Seems like there is a lot of flip flopping to me.


----------



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

I also noticed recently she had been asking me who i was texting, who i was calling, etc. The first few times she would say "nevermind. It doesnt matter anymore. its none of my business" But then she would honestly want to know who i was talking to.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Are you in therapy?


----------



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Are you in therapy?


She does not want to go to therapy. Her family has tried talking to her also but she wont open up to anyone.

Everyone is thoroughly convinced she doesnt really want a divorce, she is just convincing herself I wont change. She says that if she gives me another chance she will just get hurt again, but then a few mins later says she doesnt want to work on it. Flip flopping. Keeps saying if anything does work....its going to take time for he rto believe the changes and heal.


----------



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

It seems like her actions, and her words are saying two different things. Maybe I am just biased?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

missingmylife said:


> She does not want to go to therapy. Her family has tried talking to her also but she wont open up to anyone.
> 
> Everyone is thoroughly convinced she doesnt really want a divorce, she is just convincing herself I wont change. She says that if she gives me another chance she will just get hurt again, but then a few mins later says she doesnt want to work on it. Flip flopping. Keeps saying if anything does work....its going to take time for he rto believe the changes and heal.


I didn't ask about her.


----------



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I didn't ask about her.




Yes. I am in counseling for myself. Faith based counseling to help with my new relationship with God and also tel help me with my marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

missingmylife said:


> It seems like her actions, and her words are saying two different things. Maybe I am just biased?


As long as you remain exclusively focused on her, you'll drive yourself crazy.

Tell us about you.

What was your childhood like?


----------



## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> As long as you remain exclusively focused on her, you'll drive yourself crazy.
> 
> Tell us about you.
> 
> What was your childhood like?


Listen to this, missing. I just read your thread....spooky deja vu going through my head. I don't envy you at all. However, know these things: It probably will not work out. She is responsible for her actions. Take care of you. Work on you. Listen to Conrad.


Detach yourself from the result of your relationship. It's not about that at all. It will drive you MAD. And FYI, I was you at one time and I am SO THANKFUL for my divorce. Best thing that ever happend.

And, listen to Conrad. If I had more time, I would help more.


----------



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

Well,

I am back...kind of. Things hit the fan for a long time....then did some camping trips as a family, she surprised me with a movie date in september. Then, things looked bleak again. Originally went to one counseling session in May.


Recently started counseling in October. Been to about 5 sessions, a couple individual for both of also.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Missing, if you give us some more information, we might be able to help you/give you some good advice. What's happened over the last 8 months? How are the counseling sessions going? Do you think they're helping, or is she just going through the motions?


----------



## missingmylife (Apr 16, 2013)

I plan on filling you in a little more, give me a bit. Kind of posted as a place holder and to get some fuel to post an update lol.


----------

