# How to move on and trust someone after they have broken your trust?



## Psycopuppy (Apr 26, 2012)

So I am going to try to present just the facts here and hopefully someone will be able to help me. About a month and a half ago I discovered that my wife was sending dirty text and pictures to a guy at work. I had known all along that she was flirting with this guy and I was ok with that, that is just who my wife is. I just didn't know how far it had gotten. Here is how I discovered what was going on. She gets a job around November of last year and quickly makes friends with several of her coworkers. This guy is one of them. At first it was just harmless flirting but after awhile (I do not know how long) it started getting more serious. Pretty soon they were sending dirty text and pics back and forth. This went on for who knows how long, yet as far as I know there was no physical contact. (That is what I have been told at least) And then about a month and a half ago my wife gets drunk and starts texting him like normal. At this point I have started to get a little suspicious and ask her later who she was texting. She says it was just one of her friends and changes the subject. I then go onto her phone and she has received a message from this guy basically making it sound like they have been talking for a while, yet all the other text have been deleted. I then confront her about this and she denies everything for a while but eventually says yes she was texting him but nothing really happened. Fast forward a week later and we have another fight, basically about the same thing. She assures me that nothing is going on and eventually we make up. Fast forward another week and here we are again. She is still talking to him, still flirting with him, still making me feel like crap. I confront her again and this time she admits that there was something going on but it is over now. Yes she sent him dirty text but she never sent him dirty pics and no there was nothing physical going on. I believed her and assumed that it was all going to work out. Fast forward a few days later, she is still talking to him and I still feel like I cant trust her. I decide to go into her phone and see her deleted text. I don't find any text but I do find dirty pics, which she swears she has never sent to him. I confront her about these and finally she admits to more. Yes she sent him dirty pics, yes she is still flirting with him, yes she has feelings for him. Well somehow we make up from this fight yet I still don't trust her so I put a program on her phone to monitor any text or phone calls she makes. About a week or so later I get a message that she sent to him basically saying "my husband works late tonight, you should come over." He says lol no and she says "c'mon you know you want to" At this point I am done, I want a divorce, I want to leave that night, I want to hurt her, etc. But first I confront her. She says "It was meant as a joke." I ask her why she deleted it then. She says "cuz I knew if you saw it you would feel hurt." I tell her I am leaving her and I want a divorce but after many, many, many hours we finally make up. She says she will only talk to him at work, she will delete him from her phone and facebook, she says we can go to counseling, she says she will do anything to make this right. The next day she starts talking to him again. A week later she starts flirting with him again. This was...a while ago. Maybe a month, maybe more. She again assures me that nothing is going on, that they have talked about it and that they are just friends. She has been...kinda better. She sent him a text saying how she had a dirty dream about him but she then told me about it. Which is better I guess, it is better then her trying to hide stuff from me again. But I still feel betrayed, she told me she would stop talking to him outside of work and then the next day starts talking to him again. I feel like if you have feelings for someone and you are already with someone else (weather it be boyfriend or husband) you should cut ties with that person. Otherwise you are simply tempting fate. Or you simply don't care about your significant other.

So basically it all comes down to this. I have not spied on her in a few weeks, I have tried to trust her on everything she says, I have talked to her about continuing to talk to him when she admitted to having feelings for him (to which I get the reply "you are over reacting") I am trying to move past this and trust her again but I feel like I can't and it is just making me miserable. As far as I can tell she has stopped doing everything she has done before (sending the dirty text and pics) but again I have no way of knowing for sure because I have stopped spying on her. So what do you guys think I should do? (If your still with me that is) Should I resume spying just to ease my mind, should I try harder to trust her? Does anyone have any tips on how to do that?

sorry for the wall o text and thanx for reading.

Also, I should point out that she isn't entirely to blame. I too have done things I am not proud of. When I lost my job I got very depressed, and pushed my wife and son away. Also I would go onto places like chatroulette and omegle and fool around with the girls on there (although I would like to say in my defense that I never showed myself, I always had a picture where my webcam was supposed to be) So she isn't entirely to blame, but I feel like she has done more damage since she personally knows the guy and continues (kinda) the same behavior she has done before since our big fight. I should also say that I have stopped doing any of that since our second fight because what she did hurt me so much and I didn't want to put her through that kind of pain. And yes she knows about it. That came out in our big fight too. I love my wife, I don't want to be with anyone else, and I am trying everything I can think of to make this work. I just need to get over this one part and I feel like we can be a family again.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> About a week or so later I get a message that she sent to him basically saying "my husband works late tonight, you should come over." He says lol no and she says "c'mon you know you want to" At this point I am done, I want a divorce, I want to leave that night, I want to hurt her, etc. But first I confront her. She says "It was meant as a joke." I ask her why she deleted it then. She says "cuz I knew if you saw it you would feel hurt." I tell her I am leaving her and I want a divorce but after many, many, many hours we finally make up. She says she will only talk to him at work, she will delete him from her phone and facebook, she says we can go to counseling, she says she will do anything to make this right. The next day she starts talking to him again.


Dumbass!!!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Like warlock, I will also quote you. This is the only part of what you wrote that I can strongly support.



Psycopuppy said:


> I feel like if you have feelings for someone and you are already with someone else (weather it be boyfriend or husband) you should cut ties with that person. Otherwise you are simply tempting fate. Or you simply don't care about your significant other.


Ya think?
What warlock meant was, she cannot stay in contact with him at all. Like, 0%. Forever. That is, if what you really want is to heal your marriage.
So how is that achieved? She has to quit her job. Yep, you read that right.
You are DELUDING yourself if you think anything less will work. That is why warlock used such choice words.



But let's back up a bit. To handle this problem, you are going to have to:
1. grow a spine
2. stop being a doormat
3. decline to let your wife do whatever she wants in an OUTRAGEOUSLY DISRESPECTFUL WAY TO YOU without ANY consequences.

Otherwise, why bother asking advice from a group that learned everything they didn't want to know about cheating spouses--the hard way.


Here is another thing to ponder.
Re-read what you posted. Sit down and count how many lies she told you. How many separate occasions, and separate issues, she lied about. Now you tell me--is this someone you can trust? The answer is an unqualified no, or you wouldn't be posting. This is the next lesson: CHEATERS LIE. It is right up there with death and taxes.




As far as the spying--you are completely correct that you cannot spy on a cheating spouse indefinitely. Spying serves a narrow purpose:
1. to find out about the OM (other man)
2. to tell the OM's wife or GF--they are almost surely more in the dark than you
3. to tell her workplace that these two goofballs are wasting company time, money, and resources sexting each other and more
4. to get an idea where this is--are they in love, have they had physical contact.

But once you know your spouse has betrayed you--and you have 100% proof of that--the spying serves only one last purpose. IF she has quit her job, handwritten a letter of no contact to the OM that you mail--it is to prove to yourself that she is 100% no contact; and for her to prove TO YOU that she is 100% no contact. 



To circle back once more to her lying--another thing that she is going to do now is keep the contact up, she's just going to use a different method that you can't detect. Why? Because she's having lots and lots of fun in her fantasy world. You being hurt or angry is NOT enough to stop her. And she knows--and we know too from reading what you wrote--that she is not going to suffer any consequences for her behavior. That's what she got out of this confrontation with you over her fun on the side.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Wow! Just want to say you can't even really attempt to try to move on and trust someone again when they continue to break your trust,and that is what your wife is doing.You don't help your cause when you continue to allow her to minimize everything she does over and over.Totally agree with above posters.Sorry you are here,so just get a grip and do what you know needs to be done.Good luck.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Dumbass!!!


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


Better get help from an IC to see what is wrong with your self esteem and search for it. 

She is treating you like a POS and doormat and you are asking us whether you should spy on her.

She is banging him on your bed and you know that? if dont then sure she is and you are her enabler, without any self respect for yourself. 

If you dont respect yourself then who will respect you?


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Sound like all you have done is stick your head in the dirt (like a Ostrich) and keep it their after not being able to stop her. So as Dr Phil say....How is it working for you???:scratchhead:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Dumbass!!!



cmon you know better than insult a new poster right off the bat like that. Just because the man has made some classic mistakes (that I should mention, many of us have made) doesn't mean you lay into him like that. We need to help him and welcome him and guide him.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

psycopup-

for starters read the welcome newbies link in my signature

secondly, you are being way too passive and as a result your wife will happily continue have you and eat her cake too.




1) don't assume this hasn't gone physical and see your doctor

2) do not be afraid to spy, this is your marriage you are protecting. In fact she should be 100% transparent with you after her betrayal and allow you passwords, no deleting texts and you can look at her phone whenever you wish

3) Your wife needs to go completely NC and needs to quit her job

4) your threat of divorce became an empty threat which is extremely dangerous, divorce needs to be brought back on the table if she is not willing to do what is necessary for you to heal and get past this
a) No contact
b) 100% transparency
c) 100% true remorse and taking blame for the affair and doing what you need to heal. (yes you have done things in the marriage that are regrettable but everyone does, she chose to cheat and adultery is not a legitimate response)
d) No more flirting and much more defined boundaries
e) spending 10-15 hours a week of one on one time
f) no trickle truth, blameshifting or gaslighting, she comes clean now

If she does not comply then you file, plain and simple

5) expose the affair- start informing her parents, if OM is married you tell his wife, also consider informing her HR department


You need to take a hard line

will she leave if you do this?

yes it is possible, but if you don't then she will continue to have her affair and will be divorced anyways. It's your best shot to play hardball rather than suffer in silence for months or years


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Re-read Iheartlife's post. Then read it again, and again, until you can recite it from memory. Trust has to be earned, it is not a God-given right. Right now, she is like an alcoholic working in a liquor store. Even if she's backed off for now, sooner or later she'll relapse. She has to sever all ties with this man, and that means changing jobs. Once she is completely NC w/ him, you can start to rebuild your relationship. It seems to me that you have both broken trust. Both of you have faulty boundaries. Once you are in a position to start working on your marriage, get into MC to help you deal w/ the underlying issues.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If you're ok with your wife flirting, why come here?

She is an easy lay with no boundaries, she didn't f*** now but she will someday. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

please continue to investigate your wifes commitment and do the research to protect your self from more deciet.

She has an addiction and will continue.

Every time she goes to work she see her fix and can't wait to get it during lunch and after work.Compare it to walking into a bar and trying not to have a drink.

There is a chmeical in the brain that sets into motion the need to act on her affair and everytime she see OM the chemical starts to feed the excitement and now that you are on to her it even more exciting and even more taboo.

You are approaching this wrong!

You must continue to investigate and gather black and white proof...hard evidence, and print it out. This will make it easier to confront her the next and hopefully the final time. This new evidence will give you the confidence to do the next step, and that step is the consequences for not stopping the 1st time.

Do this quitely and do not let her know what you are about to do (She been warned and she continues).

Is the OM single? if not expose to GF/wife----report this affair to HR---inform her family and friends-----take the 180 degree steps. do not leave the marital home, ask her to leave, and the kids stays with you-----file for divorce and have her served.

These tactic are the consequences she needs to see that she hasn't seen hence the reason she continues. She needs to quit her job.

These tactics can be reversed when you can verify that she is completely stopped all contact with OM.

Again you need to continue to verify her commitment and so you can take the steps in order to stop being betrayed.

She lied to you enough times do you really think her addiction to OM has stop?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Please get involved in this community, you will learn alot.


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## Psycopuppy (Apr 26, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> psycopup-
> 
> for starters read the welcome newbies link in my signature
> 
> ...



Ok, first off, thank you everyone for your advice. However, I believe that most of this advice is based off of your past experiences and therefore you may be a little bit jaded on this subject. Also you are only hearing my side of the story (however unbiased I tried to make it) and therefor are only getting a small glimpse of the overall picture. I believe that some of you are reading too much into this and forming your own conclusions based on what I have said and your own past. (plus it doesn't help that I was a little depressed when I wrote this) I love my wife and will do whatever it takes to make it work. This does not mean that I am being naive or stupid or passive. Trust me it would be much easier for me to simply walk out and start over. I am going to reply to Almostrecovered's message because she seems like the only person on here who has actually tried to give me good advice. Then if I feel like there is anything left to say I will say it below

1) I am not assuming this hasn't gone physical, I have asked her multiple times if she has done more anything at all physical with him and the answer has always been no. You may ask how I trust her on this and all I have to say on that is I know when my wife is lying, I have always been able to tell if she is keeping something from me and if I thought for even a split second that she was lying to me about that we would be divorced right now. 

2) she has been a lot more transparent with me since all this went down. She dose not delete her text any more, and if she does she tells me and ask if I want to see them first. If she sends him something she thinks will even slightly upset me she tells me about it and makes sure I'm ok with it. If I'm not or I have questions we talk about it. I am trying to trust her and I thought the best way to do that was to simply not look at any of her text to him. However the few times that I have they have been completely normal. No suspicious behavior (like a range of text missing or other things looking like they have been deleted) and very little flirting. That stings a little but I am getting better at it because that is who she is (and besides, my wife is hot, as long as it doesn't cross a line I feel like it is me showing her off)

3) She can not quit her job, she enjoys it, she is good at it, and we are poor. I am not going to punish her that much for this. And for the record she is the one who brought up quitting her job after our big fight and I turned it down because I think that is stupid. How can you truly trust someone if you make them cut all ties with that person? Won't they eventually resent you because you made them give up something they loved simply because they made a mistake? Isn't it a big leap of faith saying I love you and I trust you, I know you have feelings for this other person but I am trusting you to stay away from temptation.

4) the threat of divorce was never empty. I meant it when I said till death do us part and for me to even bring that up meant that if she could not prove to me that she was truly remorseful and that she would do whatever she had to to prove that i was the only man that she truly loved then I would have walked out that door and never looked back. It's like she told me later; "if I didn't care, if I didn't love you, if I wasn't truly sorry for what I did then I would have left you alone. I would have let you walk out. But I didn't. I stayed here and fought for us because I believe in us." Yes she had a slip but in a way so did I. I can not judge her without judging myself and I know that if it came down to it we would choose each other over anyone else. Yes there are some things that either of us could do that would be deal breakers but we have not come to that. Toed the line sure but never crossed over.

5) THERE WAS NO AFFAIR. There was no physical contact. Had there been we would be divorced. There was flirting, there was dirty pics sent, (I feel like I should clarify here, she wasn't naked in any of the of the pics just bra and panties) that is it. I feel like I need to be very clear here. I have told her from the very begging, if you cheat on me, we are done. I will put up with a lot, I will never put up with that. I do not feel that she has cheated on me. Betrayed me? yes. Destroyed my trust? yes. Toed that line? big time. but in the end she did not go any further, even though she had multiple times where she could have. And for that reason I am begging to trust her again. 

I would like to answer my own question here. How do you move on and try to repair the trust that someone you love has broken? By talking to them. Yes it will be insanely hard and yes feeling will be hurt but in the end I feel this is the one way to truly move on and become a better, stronger couple. If the person you love truly loves you they will sit through your venting rants and the vile hate that you spew and they will tell you over and over that they are sorry and that they love you and only you and they will show you through their actions they love you and are truly sorry about what they did and they will put up with this for as long as it takes because they know they screwed up and this is their punishment.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

The reason you cannot find a way to trust her is because you know she is already in an affair and you are in denial. The behavior you have described is an affair and your wife is on the fast train to cheaterville. To my knowledge there is only one instance of a cheating spouse that was able to stay faithful while still working with their affair partner and that person was monitored extensively while in work. You sound like Bill Clinton insisting that a blow job is not sex. You say that everyone is jaded. I say that everyone is experienced and sees things for what they really are. We traded in our rose colored glasses for sunglasses because we focus on the light of reality. My friend you have not instituted any consequences and therefore in the back of your mind you know its not over. Despite all your bravado right now you are terrified of losing her. So you don't want to see the affair for what it is. Sadly you are not the first and you won't be the last. But to answer your question, you cannot move on because she is still cheating on you and in your heart you know its just a matter of time.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Yes most everyone here is giving you advice based on what has happened to them - and that is what makes it some of the best advice you will get. If you do not learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it.

Hard to trust your wife? I should say so. She promised no contact outside of work and kept that promise how long? About 12 hours. And now she is back to flirting already. You cannot trust her to tell you the truth. You might get a little truth but only enough to keep you guessing.

If my wife admitted to having "feelings" for another man, she would get one chance, No Further Contact ever or get out and divorce would quickly follow.

I know you hope it will work out for the best, but I don't see that happening. She is back to flirting. She has feelings. She even invited him over while you were out. He declined and she called it a joke. Obviously he did not think it was a joke since he said NO. If he did think it was a joke he would have joined in and texted something like "I'll be right there and I'll bring the whipped cream!"

Keep your head in the sand and you will be back here wondering why your wife is having sex with this guy and how you can stop it. It will never occur to you that you had the perfect opportunity to step in and put a stop to it and you let it pass by.


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## profos (Apr 19, 2012)

Psycopuppy said:


> She sent him a text saying how she had a dirty dream about him but she then told me about it. Which is better I guess, it is better then her trying to hide stuff from me again.


This is my favorite part of the story.

Rather than trying to keep it from you she figures, "what the heck I'll just throw it right in his face", and your response is to be thankful for it.


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## profos (Apr 19, 2012)

You write that you asked her flat out if she sent him dirty pictures. She lies to you, and answers that she has not, and you believe her.



Psycopuppy said:


> Yes she sent him dirty text but she never sent him dirty pics and no there was nothing physical going on.





Psycopuppy said:


> I believed her and assumed that it was all going to work out.


When faced with the proof, she admits she LIED TO YOU.



Psycopuppy said:


> I confront her about these and finally she admits to more. Yes she sent him dirty pics


You then ask her if it's gone physical, she says it isn't and you believe her because you know when she is lying:



Psycopuppy said:


> I am not assuming this hasn't gone physical, I have asked her multiple times if she has done more anything at all physical with him





Psycopuppy said:


> and the answer has always been no.





Psycopuppy said:


> I know when my wife is lying, I have always been able to tell if she is keeping something from me


Ok, as per your own posts, your wife has 1) lied, 2) you believed her lies, 3) later on you found proof of the lying, you confronted her, she then _admitted to lying_. So much for you knowing when she is lying!



Psycopuppy said:


> and if I thought for even a split second that she was lying to me about that we would be divorced right now.


So I ask you, why are you not divorced right now?

You do the tough guy "talk" but you aren't doing the tough guy "walk" and she knows she can walk all over you. Which is exactly what she's doing.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

profos said:


> You write that you asked her flat out if she sent him dirty pictures. She lies to you, and answers that she has not, and you believe her.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Like I said...denial.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Holy ****! My friend you are in a fog. Listen carefully to the advice here or you are done forever not only in your relationship but as a man, period.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## profos (Apr 19, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> Like I said...denial.


It's amazing when you see it right out there like that.

He's writing the truth, but he just can't accept his own words.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I wonder how much you're supposed to trust anyone in the first place. I don't 100% unqualified trust any person on the planet. Not my wife and kids not my mother, no one. Not completely.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I agree with you, psycopuppy, that talking is the primary means to regain trust in a spouse who has cheated on you. But that talking only works _after the cheating has ended_. I don't see the evidence that this has happened--you are in such deep denial.

You said you REALLY REALLY meant your threat of divorce. Let's see what you said about that:


> I tell her I am leaving her and I want a divorce but after many, many, many hours we finally make up. She says *she will only talk to him at work* [when you're not around], she will delete him from her phone [except that she never really did!] and facebook, she says we can go to counseling [but you never went], she says she will do anything to make this right. *The next day she starts talking to him again. A week later she starts flirting with him again. This was...a while ago.* Maybe a month, maybe more. She again assures me that nothing is going on, that they have talked about it and that they are just friends. *She has been...kinda better. She sent him a text saying how she had a dirty dream about him but she then told me about it. Which is better I guess, it is better then her trying to hide stuff from me again*. *But I still feel betrayed*, she told me *she would stop talking to him outside of work and then the next day starts talking to him again [outside of work!!!]*.


You see that word YOU used--betrayed? That is your better self saying, it is NOT okay for my wife to talk to the a-hole who she invited over to have sex with IN MY HOUSE while I WAS GONE. It is NOT okay for my wife to flirt with the man WHO SHE SENT SEXY, HALF-NAKED PHOTOS TO. It is NOT okay for my wife to talk in a flirty way with this man--NOT JUST at work--BUT ALSO OUTSIDE OF WORK in pure violation of the promise she made to you before.

Wow, she was really quaking in her boots there, about your threats of divorce.


It isn't the physical that crosses the line. The line was crossed waaaaaay, waaaay back. Very few married women jump in the sack with the nearest male passing by--in general, most women, psychologists find, need to have some feelings of love for a man before offering him sex. What alternative do you have to that? A wife who offers sex to someone for no reason at all--just because she's a narcissistic hedonist? Which type of wife do you prefer? Because she's one or the other.

Here's the definition of an affair that you truly need to aborb: it is a secret relationship with someone outside the marriage that is kept hidden from your spouse. By everything you've said, her actions MORE than qualified. Oh, except you know about it now. Not sure what an affair is called that is carried on under a spouse's nose. Massive disrespect? That oh, might result in feelings of, to use your words, betrayal?

About the job: you have wilfully misunderstood what I, and everyone else here, has said on this subject. It is NOT A PUNISHMENT. No, no, no, and no! But then again, as I re-read your original post, I see clearly now that it isn't about the job. Because she communicates with him, still, after the D-word slinging, outside of work...just like you asked her not to.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You can't trust her when she is doing nothing worthy of trust.

She is in an affair with this guy.

The first flirt crossed the line, but the sexting and pics - that was affair territory.

Then you caught her, she said she would stop, and she didn't. SO not trustworthy is the way she is acting.

Your problem isn't not trusting her, your problems she is in a relationship with another man and is lying to you about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> Not sure what an affair is called that is carried on under a spouse's nose.


It's called making him a cuckold or a one sided open relationship. Either is correct and yet not.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

BTW, I just showed this thread to my wife Morrigan. She had an affair years ago. She said this is most definitely an affair and if it hasn't gone physical yet it will very soon. Get ready Psychopuppy, you're about to have the worst day of your life.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think it as gone PA as well. Likely just before you confronted her the first time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

Psycopuppy,

You say everyone in here is jaded based on past experience? I was like you at first too and believed the same thing, I sure hope that you don't have to find out how right they are like I did. 

I am currently working on R with my wife, but as of right now I don't fully believe anything she says. 

If you haven't been together long and don't have children, I suggest you divorce her right now and move on, R is horrible so far, don't let yourself get to that point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Dumbass!!!


OACH!!!

But I have came to realize TRUTH HURTS... 

Listen to these fine folks, they know what there talking about.. 

GOOD LUCK


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

If your wife is faithful to you and she is telling the truth, then why are you here? Why cant you trust her when you know she is telling the truth? People do not trust other when they cheat, but your wife is not cheating as per your belief, so why this trust issue?

I agreed calling you a dumbass, i still believe you are a dumbass to trust your wife and allowing her to manipulate you, for allowing her to disrespect you, for treating yourself like a POS, once we were also dumasses like you, we did all these things, we allowed our wife to do everything as said above, but we realised it and took measures to straighten things. Many took the path of R because their WS were crawling back to them for another chance, they were so remorsefl and worked hard for earning a second chance, others choose to D the WS who were still manipulative, unremorseful, lying and cheating.

So its time for you to see the truth and understand the reality for what it is and choose your path of R or D.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Psycopuppy, I know you've been raked over the coals, and you're probably not eager to come back for more of the same. But if you have any updates, let us know.


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