# Just can't break up :(?



## danHereToChat (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm really not happy in my relationship with my girlfriend. She is my only girlfriend I have ever had, and I just cannot break up with her. I've been unhappy for a long time. She starts to cry as soon as I bring it up and she seems all miss innocent again and I just don't have the guts to break up, I hate seeing women cry I've tried talking time and time again but she say sorry but never changes. 

To make it worse my friend(and his gf) let her move into there student house because she had no friends to live with at the time and so they helped her because she was my gf. And I don't want my friends to suffer because of any breakup between us either, and I often go over there to visit my friends .

I just don't have the seem feelings for her anymore, we argue a lot and I feel I am often used and not respected. She also once kissed another guy, she said her emotions were "tricked" into it by him, I just accepted it after a long while but never forgave.


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You dont state why you are not happy.


----------



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

If your looking to fix the relationship you came to the right place. Offer some more info and the users here will provide you with phenomenal input. It is up to you to apply it to your particular circumstances.

If this is your first relationship its understandable that your willing to sacrifice your happiness for comfortability. But your not alone, many people, even the married ones, maintain unhealthy relationships because they are unable to walk away.

I will let you know this: after you break up it will suck, and over time it will suck less, and 5 years from now you will be laughing at this time, and how uncomfortable you were.

Based on this miniscule amount of info, Id say you suffer from "nice guy syndrome" and would suggest you google it. The information provided on the subject will make you a better person, and will really help with the success of future relationships.

Also check out the Mens Clubhouse. You will find great info and insight on properly developing relationships and being a better man in general, which is something the majority of men struggle with at some point in their lives.

One book which is always suggested is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

Morituri has a link for a free copy in his sig. A quick search will turn it up.


----------



## danHereToChat (Dec 3, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> If your looking to fix the relationship you came to the right place. Offer some more info and the users here will provide you with phenomenal input. It is up to you to apply it to your particular circumstances.
> 
> If this is your first relationship its understandable that your willing to sacrifice your happiness for comfortability. But your not alone, many people, even the married ones, maintain unhealthy relationships because they are unable to walk away.
> 
> ...


thanks very helpful, and yes I think I am too nice!!


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

well being 'too nice' shouldnt make you unhappy!


----------



## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

danHereToChat said:


> I'm really not happy in my relationship with my girlfriend. She is my only girlfriend I have ever had, and I just cannot break up with her. I've been unhappy for a long time. She starts to cry as soon as I bring it up and she seems all miss innocent again and I just don't have the guts to break up, I hate seeing women cry I've tried talking time and time again but she say sorry but never changes.


Based on what you said in this post, your girlfriend is manipulating you. She knows as soon as you're gone, your $$ will be gone too ... and she'll have to search for another person to pay her bills and rent. Or — worse, in her mind! — she'll have to get a job and do all that herself.

A healthy relationship involves give-and-take, not take-take-take. Your "girlfriend" is using you for sexual satisfaction, her bill payments, and and the freedom to do what SHE wants without having to work for it. This is NOT the type of person I would want in my life, personally. And believe me, she will continue to do this to you and others — she will NOT change, even if you cry and beg.

Do you live with this woman? If so, I suggest you move out, block her phone number and any other ways of contacting you (email, Facebook, Twitter, etc.), and give yourself time to heal. Do not start another relationship until you're over this one.

Not all women are like this (just as not all men are jerks). There are happy, healthy women out there who will be more than happy to treat you as a partner and equal. Break up, stand firm, and take this for a learning experience.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You need to understand you're not responsible for her happiness. Deal with your own feelings, and worry about making yourself happy.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CtK (Nov 27, 2011)

I think we're in the same boat Dan. I'm a terminal 'nice guy', and I get walked all over at 33 y/o. The funny thing is, I pretty much knew my gf's issues and neediness going into this relationship, yet I still jumped in deep, and I can't see myself ending it. I truly do love her, but it's so incredibly hard.


----------



## danHereToChat (Dec 3, 2011)

CtK said:


> I think we're in the same boat Dan. I'm a terminal 'nice guy', and I get walked all over at 33 y/o. The funny thing is, I pretty much knew my gf's issues and neediness going into this relationship, yet I still jumped in deep, and I can't see myself ending it. I truly do love her, but it's so incredibly hard.


Nice to no there's others out there to that are similar, it is really hard more than words can explain (for me anyway)


----------



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I was a nice guy, but thankfully my testicles grew back. 

I feel better about myself, my abilities with women (my wife) and am all around happier and more content with life.

Go to the Mens clubhouse and see what some other guys are gonig through. Your are definetly not alone in this.


----------



## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

danHereToChat said:


> I'm really not happy in my relationship with my girlfriend. She is my only girlfriend I have ever had, and I just cannot break up with her. I've been unhappy for a long time. She starts to cry as soon as I bring it up and she seems all miss innocent again and I just don't have the guts to break up, I hate seeing women cry I've tried talking time and time again but she say sorry but never changes.
> 
> To make it worse my friend(and his gf) let her move into there student house because she had no friends to live with at the time and so they helped her because she was my gf. And I don't want my friends to suffer because of any breakup between us either, and I often go over there to visit my friends .
> 
> I just don't have the seem feelings for her anymore, we argue a lot and I feel I am often used and not respected. She also once kissed another guy, she said her emotions were "tricked" into it by him, I just accepted it after a long while but never forgave.


It's time to move on. It is simple to say and hard to do, but she's using you and doesn't respect you. Its time to focus on you and what you need and want. There are other women out there for you, but first, focus on yourself and let her go.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Dan do you know that by staying with your gf that you are being selfish? Since you refuse to look after your self interest lets ignore tgat for a moment. Some man will love this woman, it is not you but it is someone. You are standing in this mans way.. She is not handling herself well and she needs to learn to move on when things don't work out and to look forward to the next relationship. She is responsible, as are we all, for taking the lessons learned from this relationship and apply them to the next one for a more successful outcome. 

I understand your compassion but, I think it is misplaced. You won't let her go - does that mean there is no hope for her to meet a man who will give her the love she needs? I know you did not think of it that way but that is reality. Have faith that this is the best. Break it off resolutely, no back sliding, do what is really best for her. 

Now you - you are way too nice. The world will chew you up and spit you out. Read "no more mr nice guy" like it was a Bible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CtK (Nov 27, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> I understand your compassion but, I think it is misplaced. You won't let her go - does that mean there is no hope for her to meet a man who will give her the love she needs? I know you did not think of it that way but that is reality.



I can't speak for Dan, but being in a very similar position - I have thought of it that way for a long time, and have known that I'm being selfish by staying. I've made excuses to stay countless times, and I continue to do so. I care so much for the short term that I end up screwing people over in the long run by caring so much.


----------



## danHereToChat (Dec 3, 2011)

I tend to stay because, in my head i would rather sacrifice my happiness so she can be happy.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

danHereToChat said:


> I tend to stay because, in my head i would rather sacrifice my happiness so she can be happy.


You realize that this is hardly a recipe for a long term relationship?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CtK (Nov 27, 2011)

danHereToChat said:


> I tend to stay because, in my head i would rather sacrifice my happiness so she can be happy.


I've said the same thing to myself, even though I know it's totally the wrong way to go about a relationship. There's always that part of me that yearns to just drop everything and start my life over (again), but my heart says no when it comes down to it.


----------



## DeadlyNightshade (Dec 5, 2011)

danHereToChat said:


> I'm really not happy in my relationship with my girlfriend. She is my only girlfriend I have ever had, and I just cannot break up with her. I've been unhappy for a long time. She starts to cry as soon as I bring it up and she seems all miss innocent again and I just don't have the guts to break up, I hate seeing women cry I've tried talking time and time again but she say sorry but never changes.
> 
> To make it worse my friend(and his gf) let her move into there student house because she had no friends to live with at the time and so they helped her because she was my gf. And I don't want my friends to suffer because of any breakup between us either, and I often go over there to visit my friends .
> 
> I just don't have the seem feelings for her anymore, we argue a lot and I feel I am often used and not respected. She also once kissed another guy, she said her emotions were "tricked" into it by him, I just accepted it after a long while but never forgave.


You should break up with her. Don't let her guilt-trip you into not breaking up with her. What are you going to do: marry her for life so you never have to see her cry?

You are just delaying the inevitable by not doing it now.

Whenever you are going to break up with her but feel compassion keeping you back, just remind yourself that she betrayed you by kissing some else. That should give you the resolve to see it through.


----------

