# Falling out of love...



## breakable (Nov 13, 2009)

If you read my last post, you know my H and I were having an issue with him wanting to work nights.
That night, I calmly told him my reasonings, asked him to consider.
He called me heartless, selfish and said I only care about myself. He said that I don't love him, and all I want to do is control him and ruin his life.

I was extremely upset by this, and picked up my phone to call my father (no family around for 5 hours, and I am more than ready to go home!), and I ended up pinned down on the couch, the phone across the room. He just yelled at me "You can't leave me! I won't let you leave me"
He shouted something after this, but I was crying hysterically and couldn't focus on what he was saying.

Since that night, I have found myself extremely distant.
I'm questioning my feelings for him. 
I KNOW I love him, deep down, but at the same time I'm not sure if I actually do...
I also have a history of past abuse in relationships, and he has broken my trust in him with this. Though he didn't technically hit me, holding me down was all to familiar and terrified me.

I'm not sure if this is another "normal" bump in the road for affair recovery, or if this is legitmately falling to pieces.

I'm so confused. We hit the 6 month mark, the OW called and apologized, I forgave. Things WERE getting better. We were happy, I was thinking about the affair less, if at all!
Now I am questioning if I want to stick through yet another battle for our marriage, I am questioning what he has been doing (telling me the truth about his whereabouts etc), and this has made me extremely paranoid.

We haven't been to counceling since January, and I have phoned my counselor SEVERAL times with no reply. I am hoping to hear one today.

Please, someone, something, anything... help me?
I hate feeling like this... I want to be happy, to feel secure, and I want to feel like I love him...


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## breakable (Nov 13, 2009)

Thank you Luv.
I just find it so odd that... right after the affair I felt so magnetized to him. I felt so in love with him! We've only been together for 4 years, married one, but being young parents, dealing with daily struggles and a tough economy our romance slipped away pretty quickly.
I felt the way you do in a new, exciting relationship.

That simmered down, and now I'm to this?
I know you have to fight to keep the spark, but it feels so hard to keep it alive. 
Two weeks ago things were going well, and it's a complete turn around.

Our marriage counselor said after the 6 month point things get alot easier, and they were! Everything was falling into place, and now it's back down in the dumps.
My heart tells me I've invested so much time & effort into this, what is one more battle? My head tells me to give up and get out before I get my heart broken again...


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## breakable (Nov 13, 2009)

He did unwillingly.
That night, I presented my needs/reasonings for him to stay home.
The name calling started, and then the rest of the story as I posted in the OP.
I told him I wasn't sure if I could handle our daughter's acting out if he switched tonights, and that I would move back in with my father if it turned out I couldn't handle her.
If she is surrounded by the rest of her family (my dad, my brother, my grandparents & great grandparents) she doesn't seem to notice her daddy isn't around.

During the A, I was out of town for two weeks. She is such a daddy's girl and literally rips my hair out anytime he's away. She was never like this until after the A.
She's only 2, but she does know whats going on. I never scream or yell, but if we get into an arguement and I cry she says"Mommy please don't leave daddy".
I'm not sure where she's gathered that, but I think this is one reason why she isn't comfortable with him working nights.

Not only that, but the A continued when I returned home in October. He would be at work until 1 or 2 am, so she wouldn't see her daddy at all before bed.

He's upset, and has thrown his unhappiness on staying on mornings in my face several times.


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## breakable (Nov 13, 2009)

LuvMyH said:


> I'm glad he agreed to it, but are you sure the only reason you want him home is for your little girl? I don't have children, but I still like to have my husband home with me at night. Since the A, you've probably been trying to meet his needs, but you have needs, too. There's nothing wrong with needing to have your husband with you. Don't let him think you only want him around for the baby. Maybe he needs to know you want him around for you, too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes, I've told him I would hate the change. I'm used to spending so much more time with him.
I've also told him that his happiness is very important to me, and if our daughter would take better to it, I could adjust to the lesser amount of time with him.


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