# How many regret it?



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

You divorced folk out there. How many of you actually regret getting divorced and wish you'd have stayed to try to work on it a bit harder? What is your story? For those of you who don't regret it, what is the best part about it? The worst?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I suspect most posters here tried to work on it harder but simply realized that their spouse wasn't putting in the same amount of work


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Over 25 years later, I can't remember ever having regretted divorcing my ex. There were times when I was rearing our son alone that I felt lonely (I've never remarried), but I can't say I regretted my decision to divorce.

I did everything I could to work on the marriage, so my conscience was clear when I eventually turned my back on it. I guess my only regret is that my son was deprived of a father throughout his childhood. My ex remarried (twice) and had little time for playing daddy after our divorce. So, yes, that's my only regret.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

I have never regretting divorcing my first husband. even when my bills were late, i had to choose between shoes for my daughter and the cable bill, when i had to deal with a surly teen girl on my own (thank god she outgrew that) 

I was still better off than the shell of a woman i had become married to an abusing control freak. I learned that a size 7 is NOT fat..that makeup did not make me a slvt.. that people DO like me. 

I also learned that while I was worried about the trouble my daughter would have in a single parent home was unwarranted and that she thrived in a healthy (but poor lol) enviroment.


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## Smoke (Jul 17, 2012)

Both of them were great decisions for me.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Great decision for me as well.

I can't believe I wasted so much time hanging on! It kept me away from my best friend, that's how I see it anyway. Holding onto someone who looked at me as an option was the regret. Not valuing myself more was the regret. Expecting him to change for as long as I did, THAT is the regret. Not leaving.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

There's nobody out there who regrets it though?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

DayDream said:


> For those of you who don't regret it, what is the best part about it? The worst?


1) her cheating ass is no longer my problem

2) having fun being single

The worst? Not being able to be with my kids on a daily basis.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I tried and tried and tried and tried.

No regrets here. 

With that said, I will always be sad for the fact of how we ended, being that there was a lot of love there, and the demise was pretty awful. 

Worst part: the fact that we really believed and in believing, having to learn to disbelieve and that disbelief is now fully planted in my mind to the fact I no longer view marriage the same way - the naivete is gone. "I believed." Not anymore.

Best part: knowing that life goes on. There is a saying that says, "You haven't lived until you've been through a divorce." And while I wouldn't wish the lows on anyone, I can say, it has taught me how very resilient I am. If you can survive a divorce...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DayDream said:


> There's nobody out there who regrets it though?


There are billions of people on the planet, meaning I am sure some do and some don't. Either way, what's done is done and the past will never come back. So you can choose to stay stuck or you can move forward with your life.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I regret not divorcing her years sooner. Divorcing her was the second best decision I've made in my life - the first was choosing my present relationship.

I worked very hard for years to fix my first marriage, but when you're just incompatible in a variety of was,s there's nothing wrong to fix. I only wish I'd truly understood sooner that people do not change in fundamental ways.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Ya. I regret not divorcing sooner, when I first caught her cheating.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92kDUiN1zLQ


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My husband and I divorced after 7 years marriage, we were high school sweethearts and had two children. I did not want the divorce, I wanted to correct the issues....he was having an affair which was the biggest issue. 

Regrets- it was hard on the kids, really hard. I lost the man I loved dearly. He was my everything honestly.

Good points- I did eventually move on and I learned my marriage really had not been healthy. I was not aware how much he had cheated and I knew I could not live that life with him. he is still a cheat so it saved me a live time of emotional anguish to be with the man.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

When my husband cheated 30 years ago, I decided to R. I told him that was his only chance. When he cheated again a few years ago with the same OW, I told him I was done. He didn't want that but I no longer cared. 

That was a 45 year marriage down the drain and I didn't take it ending it lightly but I did it. And, no, I don't for a moment regret it. I do regret not doing it 30 years sooner. It's been almost two years now and I'm happy and at peace. My lifestyle changed drastically but I didn't and don't care. I'm now free to live my life as I choose and that's worth far more than all the material things I lost. 

Life is good.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I regret that the marriage needed to end, and that it took me so very long to figure out that it did. I do _not_ regret ending it.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I was the one who got left behind.
We live in a no-fault state so I could do NOTHING to save it.

I have the rather annoying habit of being able to find the good in everyone and seeing them for their potential.
In my heart I sort of knew she was limited but I loved her just the same.
I turned around one day and suddenly there was “her”…without the tools I had so hoped she would develop over the years.

As I stood there with her screaming at me in front of my children like a distended pit bull, I realized she just didn’t have the tools.
That there was only room for her issues and none of mine.

But…I was ready to work on it. She said she was leaving, but as far as I was concerned, I was just getting started.

My regret is that she just didn’t have it in her and didn’t see any way to repair the damage done. 
I could see it.
I could see the way out and what we needed to do….but she lost site of it…or maybe just never saw it.

MY biggest regret is that there isn’t some type of mandated period where couples counsel before separating, unless its clear cut abuse or dangerous.

Her face always looks the same when I see her. 
As soon as she focuses on me I can tell she regrets it, but she will never admit it.
She is too proud.

When I look at her, she looks like hell and I can hear the quiet desperation of her dusty soul trying to tell herself it wasn’t a mistake and that she didn’t do the wrong thing.
But until she can actually say it…it doesn’t exist.

I know the look.
Lived with it for 19 years.
The “I know you know I did it, but I will never admit it and I am never wrong.”

Then of course, the biggest regret is the effect it will have on the kids…
15% higher divorce rate among children of divorced parents
An average of living 5 years less being directly correlated to be a child of divorce.
More difficulty is relationships and self-esteem.
Higher percentages of eating disorders and body morphism and self-perception.

I can accept that there were problems…but I regret that my children have to suffer the consequences of her own selfish actions.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I had no options to try. Our marriage was over moment she cheated. I never regret my divorce only the woman I married.

It's the only life's regret I have honestly


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Thread from 2012, seems it will always be relevant.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

michzz said:


> Thread from 2012, seems it will always be relevant.


I believe that most of these regrets could have started in Babylon and repeated often throughout history.


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