# Living with Guilt



## pgk453 (Jul 20, 2009)

I struggle with guilt after divorcing my alcholic husband. Although he became very disfuncional, I can't stop feeling guilty that my life is so good and his is not. I always feel like I should have saved him or that he can not help his disease but he was married to the bottle and I felt like I he was pulling me down too. Has anyone else been through this? How do you find peace with yourself?


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

Don't feel guilty. God helps those who help themselves and the same goes for a relationship. You can't "fix" anyone but yourself. And in the end he choose that path. Don't feel guilty because you were strong enough to live your life.

And for the record I doubt you would have "saved" him. More then like he would have pulled you down with him.


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## Starbright (Aug 20, 2009)

It sounds like you tried to help him, but you can't help someone who doesn't want it. It's not your fault that he is making the choices that he is making. I'm glad you were able to walk away from that situation, but don't beat yourself up over because you have a good life. Realize you did what you could and that's all you can do. You can be there for him as a friend if he wants the help, but don't center your life around trying to save him because you feel guilty.


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## poetprose (Sep 1, 2009)

pgk453 said:


> I struggle with guilt after divorcing my alcholic husband. Although he became very disfuncional, I can't stop feeling guilty that my life is so good and his is not. I always feel like I should have saved him or that he can not help his disease but he was married to the bottle and I felt like I he was pulling me down too. Has anyone else been through this? How do you find peace with yourself?



ok guilt i know something about "survivors guilt" from loosing so many loved ones in my family

it took me awhile but i learned I am NOT responsible!! really i am not and when i finally learned and believed this one HUNDRED thousand pounds was lifted off of my shoulders.....


as for drinking your partner is responsible for his life, it is unethical and unfair and wrong for anyone to put the responsibility of their LIFE totally on you.......... you are responsible for you , he is responsible for himself

in truth............ we make or break our lives by the choices we make , I chose to be happy!! not a victom of a disease

you can have empathy for him..... but had you stayed with him you would only be enabling and encouraging his misery ( not a resposnbile choice on your part, in fact cruel!!!

you Did the right thing!!... now live your life , who knows he may see you smile one day when you are not looking and that smile may come back and haunt him , to the point of him WANTING! to find his own ........... these things have been known to happen :smthumbup:


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

guilt never worked on me although all my life people have been trying to lay it on me...
I've often considered why and I think it's because.... I know and can accept my limitations and don't let others force their issues on me. Even as a child I recall things where people would ask if I felt guilty and I would say NO
because I didn't see the expectations set before me as anything I signed up for or volunteered for and had none of the issues of feeling responsible for OPS
( other peoples shyte)


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## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

He alone made his bed of roses...There is a place called AA with an open door...He, like all alcoholics know how to pick the drink up and lay it back down...Pressure is on every respect of life...I could weigh 900 pounds if I ate as much as I wanted to....Would love a casino in my own backyard...Yet I know in my mind that these are all bad habits that I do not need...I have a mind of my own and my good judgement tells me this...He alone has let his bad judgement beat up his good judgement...The word "guilt" should not be in your vocabulary...That is unless you force fed him these drinks all your married life....Take care...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

pgk453 said:


> I always feel like I should have saved him


You are saving him. if your goal was really to save him, to rescue him, then you are doing just that. 

you have to change the way you think about things. by staying, you were hurting him. do you want to hurt him? by leaving, you are saving him. and that is what you want, isnt it?


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