# Mother's Day



## katies (May 19, 2015)

I'm not sure if this is a complaint or not. I had a great day. We were able to get out on our boat and it was a beautiful day. All the kids called and my daughters gave gifts, I didn't see any of them as we were at the lake. 
Husband though - he's of the mind that I'm not his mother so he shouldn't have to give me a gift. 
I wanted a pink flamingo tube thing to float on in the lake. We were at Walmart and I saw one so I handed it to him and said have you done your shopping yet? He said no. So, I made it really easy for him. 
He usually gives me a card with a handwritten letter and a gift. He didn't this year. 
But, I am very lucky. I have everything I need and a good life. We had a great weekend and I have friends whose mother's are no longer with us so I reached out to them, I have children who love me and I was able to talk to my own mother and sent her a great gift. 
I just wish husband was more... celebratory. He's just not like that. I got his mom and gift from us and he called her. 
We both worked very hard at maintenance this weekend too and got a lot done. I bought flowers. But, there is a film of disappointment over the day. 

anyone else?

PS: if I say anything to him about it he'll go into his "I can't do anything right" thing.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Oh I don't know. I spent time ordering a cake, purchased a gift, ordering the seafood my W likes and arranging to have have Mothers Day Monday as Sunday both our children were scheduled to work Mother's Day. My W was good with Mother's Day on Monday. As it turns out our one daughter was scheduled to work Monday late and this screwed up Mother's Day Monday. My W was a bit down about it so I presented her with my gift on Mother's Day proper which was refused because she was not in the mood to open the gift. I suggested we celebrate Tuesday. To which she said no and to forget about it. I then suggested we still celebrate Monday but our one daughter would not be present. My W said to cancel it all. Today I will have a special ordered cake and a gift my W does not want to open because she is not in the mood. Cancel it all. 

So I tell ya...holiday's and special days are nothing but a crock of nonsense.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Yeswecan;17895578
So I tell ya...holiday's and special days are nothing but a crock of nonsense.[/QUOTE said:


> I'm guessing my husband would agree. It causes him so much anxiety. I love it! I spend time thinking of really personal gifts, etc.


----------



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Today I will have a special ordered cake and a gift my W does not want to open because she is not in the mood. Cancel it all.
> 
> So I tell ya...holiday's and special days are nothing but a crock of nonsense.


Damn, this would seriously affect my attitude for future "special days" (or useless Hallmark holidays as I call them).


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

But don't guys see the need to celebrate the good jobs their wives have done raising their children?


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My husband wrote me a sort of love letter. I really appreciate whenever he does that.

But it was my daughter who bought the roses and the card, and had her brothers sign it. Par for the course.


Okay, in fairness, my husband left for South America Saturday night, and was not here to buy any flowers. But he did not even come up with the idea, nor buy the card in advance and have the kids sign it. My daughter did it all. No big shocker there.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

katies said:


> But don't guys see the need to celebrate the good jobs their wives have done raising their children?


I have no issue celebrating my W for Mother's Day. I take issue when something screws up the plan and instead of making an adjustment the entire planning is tossed by my W. In the meantime I have spent time getting our kids schedules so to select a day all will be home, cake, presents and the food my W likes.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

rockon said:


> Damn, this would seriously affect my attitude for future "special days" (or useless Hallmark holidays as I call them).


Sometimes I think Hallmark holidays are just a tool to discourse.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Sometimes I think Hallmark holidays are just a tool to discourse.


I have heard this, too. The idea is that without them, people might not think to express appreciation, even if they felt it.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

katies said:


> But don't guys see the need to celebrate the good jobs their wives have done raising their children?


I raised my kids mostly alone since parenting interfered with mom's career. Do I get a mother's day gift?


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

katies said:


> I'm guessing my husband would agree. It causes him so much anxiety. I love it! I spend time thinking of really personal gifts, etc.


I have no issue thinking of personal gifts ,etc. I do put a lot of thought into gifts It is the planning that was discarded in one fell swoop because one daughter need to work the Monday following Mother's Day that we planned celebrate as both our daughters worked Mother's Day proper. Then to get told it is just another day. Well, it's not when others planned to make it special only to be told to cancel.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I rest my case:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/17895538-post1.html


----------



## MartinBeck (Jan 19, 2017)

katies said:


> But don't guys see the need to celebrate the good jobs their wives have done raising their children?




Many people seem to view holidays with a set of expectations that are really covert contracts that aren't communicated. 

If flowers or breakfast-in-bed or a special dinner or the particular present are important, let him know a few weeks in advance that it's important!

If he did the card every year repeatedly, but didn't do the card this year, maybe he didn't know how much the card meant to you, so let it slip. Did you in the past make it clear how much the card meant to you? 

It sounds like you had a great day except for "one-thing-important-to-you" which you didn't tell him was important to you. Don't get angry if he's not a mind reader.


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I gave my wife a card and a small gift. Then on Saturday the new 65" TV arrived for her and she was surprised. Although I do watch it too, it is not my main TV. I have a 48" flat screen LED TV in my man cave/office where I spend most of my day. She was thrilled with the gift. We ate a special dinner and sex was only about her. She did not have to do anything to me. He enjoyed her day.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

MartinBeck said:


> Many people seem to view holidays with a set of expectations that are really covert contracts that aren't communicated.
> 
> If flowers or breakfast-in-bed or a special dinner or the particular present are important, let him know a few weeks in advance that it's important!
> 
> ...


He absolutely knows the letters are my favorite. I tell him that's what I want and when he gives them to me how much I appreciate them.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

john117 said:


> katies said:
> 
> 
> > But don't guys see the need to celebrate the good jobs their wives have done raising their children?
> ...


No, but you do get a Father's Day gift!


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

For years holidays were disappointing. Our expectations were so very different. 

If I could make plans and have appropriate treats/surprises why was this beyond his ability just because his family never did things that way? If I could corral the kids to make or wrap a gift, remind them to make or wrap, or remind them to buy or send, and he enjoyed the attention from the kids as a result of my prompting, why was I supposed to be just fine with...not? So, I stopped reminding, stopped prompting, stopped facilitating. And that did not make him happy at all.

So that's my suggestion to other women who aren't sure how to compromise between their expectations and their spouse's. Your expectations, assuming you are mature and not an entitled princess, are probably always going to be thus. You won't be able to talk yourself out of them or around them. The reason why is because you probably treat your spouse during holidays or birthdays the way you expect them to be approached. You treat your spouse to special treats or surprises or gifts just as you would want to be surprised or treated. Instead you are reminded of the reasons why you should not expect to be treated as you treat them. 

The choice you have is your way or their way. 

If it's their way it's their way for them too. You stop doing for them as you would wish them to do for you. 

If it's your way, they are going to have to learn to show you love, the way you like to be loved.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

He's really good for my birthday and Christmas. But the "you're not my mother" thing... ARGH! 
I completely honor him on Father's Day for being a good dad to my kids.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

katies said:


> He's really good for my birthday and Christmas. But the "you're not my mother" thing... ARGH!
> I completely honor him on Father's Day for being a good dad to my kids.


And that's exactly my point. 

You treat him because you recognize the intent of the special day and how that applies to your husband. This isn't about hallmark telling you you have to do something. This is about you recognizing the contributions your husband makes in the lives of your children. This is about you appreciating him as a father and most importantly as the father of your children.

Why is this concept so difficult for 'them' to get? 

"No, I'm not your mother but if I was I would have taught your lazy ass a whole lot better!"


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

katies said:


> But the "you're not my mother" thing... ARGH!
> I completely honor him on Father's Day for being a good dad to my kids.


why did you get his mother a gift from the both of you? You could easily pull that line on him. Well, she's not my mother , you get her a gift. But I'm guessing you're doing it out of the goodness of your heart and to show your own love for his mother? And to make him look good in his mother's eyes perhaps?

Have him buy his own mother his gift. 



Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

This is, I THINK this is the first Mother's Day my H has been home in the 3 years we've had kids. (ICBW because the time has been blurred since I've been busy popping out babies). He was out of town up until Saturday so when he got home our entire focus was planning how we were going to do church, his mother, my mother and the remaining Grandmas. 

It wasn't until we collapsed in bed Sunday night that I realized "hey! Where's MY mother's day card and gift!" Can you believe that Ninga was like "oh my bad" and popped up and grabbed his briefcase where he had stashed my card and love letter. There was no gift 'tho...


----------

