# Am I over reacting.......



## life and strife (Jan 22, 2013)

Hi guys, married less than a year, the week we got married saw my husbands texts, was looking at congrats messages.Saw some from one number a girl. I could tell by language used with lots of X's etc om it asked hubby casually, he said "a girl from work, I know her Boyfriend".
I thought this was wierd because we know all the same people, her phone number was not saved with a name. We both have friends of opposite sex but the point is I know all of them vice versa.

Anyway I monitored the situation, and I snooped if I am honest.Low and behold she breaks up with BF.She plays sympathy card "he called me fat etc", i.e looking for a compliment.

So he is still texting her this is five months later, he has still not saved her name to his phone.And all the texts are like secret little in jokes. He has become posessive of phone, and I can see some of her messages have been deleted, if has let me use his phone to make a call etc.

Also he has still not uttered this girls name and BTW she is also slagging off her ex boyfriend.
Surely if he was friends with him he would ask her to stop.

I cant see this to friends and feel like I have no one to turn to.

Am I reading way too much into this???

Thanks for input


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Personally the fact that he doesn't talk about her, protective of his phone, etc I would see those as red flags. How I see it is, if there is nothing shady going on, the person should be able to be open, honest, talk about it, etc. He doesn't seem like he's doing that and for me that would be a HUGE problem. 

I'm hoping someone here can give you more specific advice on what to do now 

Good luck!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Many red flags here... I personally would have a read about on the CWI boards, there are many experienced folks in there. I would need to check this out further and find evidence (if there is any). Where does he use his phone most? Does he use a laptop, ipad?? Do you know about VAR's or keyloggers?

So sorry... this does sound worrying.


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## life and strife (Jan 22, 2013)

I am afraid hubby is not very PC savvy, I have looked at history, he was unaware you could do it, nothing on it except usual googling"naked images of so and so " and he was embarrassed, however I know he has a work email address I have no access to and I KNOW for a fact she has emailed him on that as she has texted about it.

Even if it is innocent and they really are "fiends"I just feel the whole thing is inapprpropriate as, single women should not be texting married men with their relationship issues...and he not being honest with me. I know I was wrong to snoop, I am not denying that, but feel now he is just lying to me all the time. I am so heart broken, like many never thought I would be in this boat.to top it off am also pregnant and very emotional...


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Aw hun... I am sorry your so upset. But at this stage this is only a worry for you NOT a fact.

I agree that it's inappropriate for a married man to be secretly communicating with a single woman to discuss her relationship issues. I wouldn't accept that with my H. Once... a long time ago something like this happened to me with my H... in the end i told him to choose. He could keep her happy or me. It was that simple.
He dropped all contact and as far as i know they've not contacted each other since.

Maybe it's time to insist he cease all contact with her... what do you think his reaction would be? If he refuses.... THEN i really do think you have a problem.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Sounds like a woman my husband was texting when we first got engaged. He pretty much had a choice too. He took it underground. I didn't find out the extent of their affair until after we were married. Several women and two years later....here I am at the end of a divorce. Dig deep girl. As they say, a woman can find out more information than the FBI. I would suggest posting in the CWI section. That is where I started...


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

She's after your husband & he likes the attention.

She needs to go.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

No, you are not over reacting!!! You are under reacting if anything.

What he is doing in unacceptable. He is married to you - other women, secret texts, keeping his phone close, emails you have no access to - all red flags.

This must stop. If you don't put a stop to it, it will continue, and get worse. by not stopping him you are giving him permission to cheat on you.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

no - you are not overreacting. your gut is telling you something and you wouldn't be suspicious if there wasn't a good reason to. He's lying to you so that has undermined the most important basis of a marriage - trust. This woman is not the girlfriend of his friend. He is sneaky and deceptive.

You demand full disclosure from him about this woman who he's having an emotional affair or tell him that you have no choice but to leave. There isn't room for the 3 of you in this relationship. If this is his disgusting behavior the first year of marriage and a baby on the way, it shows that he has no respect for you or your vows.

Any time spent with this husband-thief should be time spent with you. Any emotional energy spent on her should be spent on you. This is not the guy you thought he was when you married him.

I've read sick stories here of people who cheated before the wedding, got married, and and kept up the cheating. Why do they get married in the first place?

This is such a tough time for you - with the baby and a lying husband, but you should do what the other posters have suggested no matter how difficult - give him an ultimatum - her or you.

You are not overreacting. You are reacting. Don't be like so many women with their heads in the sand. Don't take his blameshifting either, that you're making a big deal out of nothing. Let him know that your marriage is at stake.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Not an overreaction. I would give him the choice - her or you. Stay firm and confident. Don't get defensive. Remember that he is lucky to have you and is in the process of ruining things. He has to cut it off completely and you need to verify.


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