# just getting started on separation.. It is scarey!



## Amy G (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi. My hubby and I have had problems for the last 2 years, mostly to do with communication especially about child rearing. 

Anyway, finally after various counsellors, talks, etc we are separating. Once he relised I was serious and not just threatening (as he calls it when I cave in to him offering to help more, talk more, see a councellor, etc.) he once again said he wanted the family together. This has happened about 4 times now, each time with me compromising and having upset tummy, etc from stress. I often cave as I worry about the kids as well. 

I worry a lot about custody of our kids, who I have been the primary carer of. He only has bothered with them since they showed interest in what he likes. He never stops what he is doing to read them a story, they have to go to him and do what he is doing. He gets angry when they don't want to do what he is doing.. He doesn't even give his own kids (we have them 100% of time) a kiss goodnight, has always been my job.

This time I was strong and said we had tried all that and we could try this. I suggested it could only be for 6 months and see how it went. I am currently looking for a unit to rent for 6 months with my 2 children. Our family house is too big for me, so he can stay here with his 2 children (my step daughters). He wanted this place more than me anyway. My kids will miss it, but they can visit.

I think during 6 months we can work some things out and maybe sell the current family home so we can both buy our own homes, etc.

Anyway, I had not really told my children (our children) but they had to come and see houses with me. I tried to keep it low key saying I was looking for a friend who was moving here. I didn't tell them the place was for us. 

Hubby told eldest S/ daughter privately, but wanted me to tell youngest s/ daughter as I have had her since she was nearly 2. I think he knew it would be harder and he wanted to hurt me. 

Anyway, he added, and said I was leaving because of their bad behaviour! I couldn't believe it! So I said he was wrong, it wasn't about them, it was about us and that dad and I didn't talk to each other and we had things to work out. I hope I made it clear it wasn't their fault. I said I didn't like their behaviour, (they have heard that plenty of times before) but that they were normal teenagers and the problems I had were with their Dad. The eldest rolled her eyes, and youngest wouldn't talk to me.

How dare he!!!!

So now I want to move out as quickly as possible. I have thought about it for ages, but now it is actually happening I am scared wittless and just want it all over. 

I am seeing a lawyer tomorrow to check I am doing it all correctly and won't be 'done over'. I don't want to be greedy, but I know he knows how to hide money and I want my kids supported. 

I am also worried he might become a 'mickey mouse' parent and do lots of fun things with the kids so they think he is great and I am the grouchy one who makes them do homework and eat healthy food.

Has anyone had to deal with this?

Anyway, I guess I just need to vent a bit and get some emotional help to get through this scarey transition.

Thanks.


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## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

This must be scary. I'm sorry that he's being so immature and spiteful. 

I would just say take the high road in all this and be the best person you can be. This doesn't mean you need to cower or get taken. Stand up for yourself, but keep your dignity.


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## Amy G (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks. I am hoping to move out this weekend, just need to finalise rental agreements. 

The kids seem a bit more accepting, but while I am still there I think it is confusing for them, am I really going or not?? I am, so must get on with it.

Hubby is off fishing overnight this weekend, which would e a perfect time to quietly move out, hope all, is finallised by then.

He is being very cold to me, then being friendly so I am a bit confused as well. Can;t wait to get the next step over with (actually moving out) It might stop the constant upset, butterfly tummy I have.

Cheers.


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## Here we go (Apr 29, 2011)

I get that same feeling...totally numb, total anxiety... loss of appetite... etc.... We have been in a live-in separation situation for 6 months (man i'm sick of the couch). I am finally going to get an apartment (decided to, if it bancrupts me or not). But it is all the logistics of life that are emotionally bogging me down. 11yr old/8yr old... and 2 month old girls. Bought a house a year ago.... So many things to juggle. I'm at least seeing counseling and going to the doc to up my anxiety meds... 

Be strong! I'm hoping being out of the situation a while will bring tremendous clarity to my life. And I'm sure it can for you too. Even my counselor as recommended I move out.

Like they always say... the planes going down, the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling... what do they say to do BEFORE you worry about others.... "HELP YOURSELF!"

Reading this forum throughout the day helps me cope too


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