# New here-want advice on if to go to sister-in-law's wedding



## FoxyMoneybags (Sep 13, 2012)

Hi all, I'm new here. I have a longtime dilemma culminating this weekend. I appreciate any and all input, I am just too "up in my head" on this, and thank you in advance!

My husband's sister and I were best friends (or so I thought) when my husband and I got married 4 years ago. I knew she had her issues (low self-esteem which she overcompensates for by acting egotistical and like a martyr at the same time, trying to prove herself, etc.), but she was nice to me, which I thought was genuine, and I truly just loved her and thought we were really close. We had a small wedding, and I asked her to officiate it, which she did. It was a happy event, I showed my gratitude to her, all was well...I thought. 

Almost right after the wedding, she started to act different to me. A couple months after my husband and I got married, and we were very very happy newlyweds, she took him aside and confronted him about how awful I was, and about how he deserved better and how he should divorce me. It made no sense, and stemmed from her own insecurity. But, it hurt very deeply. She even stooped to trying to turn the rest of the family against me. Even his much younger brother, who I was also close to. It didn't work, but still really tore some relationships and stressed others. It caused our first marital problems, and ruined our newlywed bliss. It has made every holiday or get together weird since.

We've worked on things, and she has plainly told me that she is just insecure about having another woman in the family taking attention away from her, etc. But, she continues to act weird to me, but I know she's *trying* to be normal. I'm sure you know what I mean. Things are better, but the hurt is still there. She took something away from me I'll never get back...every time I think of our wedding, I think of the fact that she officiated and then stabbed in the back, destroying my newlywed bliss, etc. I don't stew about it, but it just hurts when I think about it. 

Anyway, she's getting married this weekend. She's marrying a real loser, and it's ill timed (just marrying him because he was cheating on her, and then to apologize he proposed). She has really cut us out of any participation in the wedding, even though we've offered a number of things (and it's kind of a homespun potluck event). It's very obvious that she's trying to snub us for whatever reason. 

The thing is, I don't want to go. She has made me have bad memories about my very own wedding, and now I have to go act happy for her at her wedding, when I'm really not? My husband doesn't want to go either. I don't want to hurt the other family members or be rude, but I just don't know how to get my heart into it. 

Do I have to go? If I go, how to get through? I dunno. Any advice or support is appreciated. I know in-laws cause issues frequently for other folks, and others have been through more than me-so I know that experience sows wisdom


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I would be careful with this one. Even if your husband decides not to go, the rest of the family (and especially the sister) might blame you for influencing him.

I think the two of you should go but try and stay in the background as much as possible.

Just congratulate and then make it a point to stay out of the way for the rest of the day and for the rest of their marriage.

Do not say ANYTHING negative about the groom or the bride to ANYONE! EVER!


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

You go with your husband and dance and drink the night away and you and your hubby focus on a great time together. You can pretty much ignore them except when they come to your table (if they're doing that). You can also relish in the fact that her marriage is going to go down hill FAST.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

^^^^ this


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Ype dad&hubby got it nailed here. Go to the wedding, smile(even if it hurts like hell) laugh and enjoy your husbands company. You may/will find other family members make comments in line with what youve said above - dont indulge them, dont agree or take sides just say oh well and excuse yourself from the conversation. Agree with your husband to do and act the same - even if you discuss between you any attempt to engage either of you in talking about the bridge or grooms issues. Being there will in itself send out a message to the bride and anyone who has heard her disrespect you. Being there will cut any attempt to say I told all what shes like, and of course you may find that others will graviate to you both as there is probably others thinking the same as you. Plan to leave before the end of the night if you see that there is a issue boiling up with others and taht way when the chairs start flying your out of there. If and only if your really enjoying yourselves stay and dance the night away and let others clearly see how much you and your hubby love being together.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Go. Where a white dress. 

:lol:


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

My hubby's family does not like me at all.....which is ok I am not married to them.....I am married to my hubby. I go to every event that we are invited to with a huge smile on my face, have a great time, enjoy all the kids, let my kids enjoy themselves and their cousins and aunts and uncles. My husband comes from a very large family, and we live in the same town with all of them, I come from a small family and they live accross the country. I hear from my family more than his. But that is ok.... always hold your head up HIGH and remember to never say anything negative to them or the other family members keep it between you and your husband....dont sink down to their level!!!!

good luck


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## FoxyMoneybags (Sep 13, 2012)

Thank you for the input. Yeah, I'd never say anything negative about them. Her family knows there's a rift, but aren't the types to talk about it much. Which is just fine. Her family does bad mouth the groom though. Not big fans. I guess that's an age old tale?

I like the idea of going but making it about my husband and I having fun. We could pretend it's our anniversary party and not her wedding and go all lovey dovey . Ha ha!


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## FoxyMoneybags (Sep 13, 2012)

Oh I just saw that there were more replies i missed. Oops! Thank you for those. 

Re: wearing a white dress...lol, my wedding dress is actually a short, Jackie-O style casual elopement dress. I totally thought of doing that. *sigh* highroad highroad highroad....

Ok, so go, hold my head high, have fun....and leave early. Won't be hard, it's outside at a campground in Montana. THey want people to stay and camp. I love camping, but I'm headed out with my mother-in-law and father-in-law! Lol.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Definitely both go and don't let her see she ever had an effect on your big day or your relationship with the rest of the family. That gives her the power she's craving. How weird to want to be the only female! Don't let her mental issues create any for you! Go and enjoy in SPITE of her!


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## FoxyMoneybags (Sep 13, 2012)

It is odd to want to be the only girl, isn't it? She's not a bad person, but she is one of those people who has the unhealthy need to live her life solely to impress others. She brags all the time about everything. But I know it's covering up insecurity. Because of her weird thing with other females, she literally has NO female friends. When I joined the family she felt really threatened. She is educated and successful, and I am too. She was jealous that I am thinner than her (she actually told me this a number of times, I think she looks great and told her that frequently but she never seems to hear the positive). She has told me she is afraid her parents will love her more than me. Weird stuff. I do feel really sad for her in a lot of ways. I want her to be a happier person someday, and it will solve a lot of things like this in the long term. Someday....maybe

Thanks for the input, it seems like the consensus is to go and be happy and fabulous .


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Remember the old saying... "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer". You not being there will just give her freedom to bash you.

Go, smile, show her how close you and your husband are. Make love in the tent and make sure the entire campground hears you.


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## lifeisnotsogood3 (Sep 13, 2012)

If you don't go and at least act the part, it will start your second marital problems.


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## FoxyMoneybags (Sep 13, 2012)

Lol....make love in a tent and make sure they hear us. I genuinely laughed out loud. That would be delightful, but not sure if my parents in law would find it very cool . Hahahaha!


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