# Help. Newly widowed mother is getting scammed on the internet.



## Ms. GP

My Dad passed away about a month ago and my disordered delusional mother has taken to a dating website. She is getting scammed right and left. She almost sent some dude $300 dollars the other day. She is convinced she is in love with some 45 year old guy in the military. (She's in her 60's btw) after a few emails. No phone conversation because his commander won't let him. (eye roll) He says he's stationed in Syria. Does America even have any troops in Syria? He can't skype because he has an old laptop too. Did I mention she's delusional? I shouldn't care, but I'm the only one in the family that makes a good living and I don't want to bail her out. Any thoughts, ideas, or experiences? Thanks in advance.


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## kristin2349

Ms. GP said:


> My Dad passed away about a month ago and my disordered delusional mother has taken to a dating website. She is getting scammed right and left. She almost sent some dude $300 dollars the other day. She is convinced she is in love with some 45 year old guy in the military. (She's in her 60's btw) after a few emails. No phone conversation because his commander won't let him. (eye roll) He says he's stationed in Syria. Does America even have any troops in Syria? He can't skype because he has an old laptop too. Did I mention she's delusional? I shouldn't care, but I'm the only one in the family that makes a good living and I don't want to bail her out. Any thoughts, ideas, or experiences? Thanks in advance.



This is going to sound a bit strange, but try searching the Dr. Phil website and forums. He has had a bunch of episodes devoted to older women getting "catfished" and scammed online by men they think they are in love with. Some have lost millions of dollars and still refuse to believe the truth. Maybe seeing an espisode would set her straight.


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## Ms. GP

That's a good idea. My brother and I have both sent her articles about catfishing to no avail so far. My brother has hacked her email and blocked the dude, but he texted her and told her to set up another account. So other brother is in the process of hacking the phone account, and we are going to try blocking both at the same time, sending her a fake email saying he died from his "battle buddy" and him an email from her account saying she met someone.


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## MJJEAN

Speak to an adult social worker. See what steps you can take to protect her. I'm not very familiar with the system for adults with mental illness, but I do know that there are options varying from nothing you can do to gaining custody of the disordered adult.


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## Ms. GP

MJJEAN said:


> Speak to an adult social worker. See what steps you can take to protect her. I'm not very familiar with the system for adults with mental illness, but I do know that there are options varying from nothing you can do to gaining custody of the disordered adult.


If I did that I swear, I would put her in a home with a chastity belt and no wi-fi!!!>


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## kristin2349

Here is one of the Dr. Phil clips I found on this topic:

The Investigation of ?David Chris Jr.? Continues: Is He Really a Catfish? | Dr. Phil

Here is more info:

http://www.drphil.com/advice/online-dating-red-flags-warning-signs-of-a-catfish/


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## MJJEAN

Ms. GP said:


> If I did that I swear, I would put her in a home with a chastity belt and no wi-fi!!!>


I used to work as a CNA in nursing homes and visited my grandmother (Alzheimers) when she was in a home. If you were to get custody and put her in a home, you better buy that chastity belt!:grin2: 

Horny old goats! I couldn't tell you how many times I accidentally walked in on two very senior seniors having a good time.

One home I worked in had velcro STOP! signs for the residents to place on their doors because the staff was just so done walking in on sexy time. It worked about half the time. The other half, they'd forget to put out the sign or be too caught up in the moment.


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## Ms. GP

MJJEAN said:


> I used to work as a CNA in nursing homes and visited my grandmother (Alzheimers) when she was in a home. If you were to get custody and put her in a home, you better buy that chastity belt!:grin2:
> 
> Horny old goats! I couldn't tell you how many times I accidentally walked in on two very senior seniors having a good time.
> 
> One home I worked in had velcro STOP! signs for the residents to place on their doors because the staff was just so done walking in on sexy time. It worked about half the time. The other half, they'd forget to put out the sign or be too caught up in the moment.


I know. I've have friends that are nurses. I don't know if Medicare pays for STD's or not. If they do, I really don't care! LOL

I sent her the Dr. Phil links. Thanks for that.


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## 225985

With her permission, access her checking or savings account online. Set up YOUR cell phone number for Alerts. In that way if your mom wires any money or withdraws funds from checking or savings or makes any transfers at least you will know the frequency and the amount. The notifications are normally instantaneous with the transaction so you would get a text immediately.


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## kristin2349

@Mrs. GP you said she is "disordered and delusional" to what degree? is she living on her own? 

My Mom is a widow and she is wealthy. She also has a heart of gold and would give anyone with a sob story the shirt off her back and the contents of her wallet. Before my Dad died he set up his estate so I have control over pretty much every aspect of her finances. Scammers/family members still manage to find work arounds. 

It sucks playing the heavy and trying to prevent or having to clean up their messes. If you know where she does her banking you can try talking to the manager of the branch and see if they have any ideas to assist you in safeguarding her accounts.


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## Ms. GP

She lives on her own, but my dad didn't leave her any money so it will be interesting to see if she can get a job. My dad was a physician and she was a counselor. (shocking I know) They basically ran a pill mill for several years of writing ungodly amounts of narcotics (btw the DEA was in the process of revoking his license when he died), not because they are bad evil people because they are delusional and believed every addict scammer that came along. It shouldn't be surprising that she is getting scammed now. I should copy parts of the emails. It's crazy!! She literally is telling the men she has never met, never talked on the phone, and only exchanged a few emails with explicit details of the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. It's absolutely nuts, and because they didn't tell anybody that she knows of (who are they gonna tell?), they must be trusted above her own children. It's nuts!!!


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## 225985

See if you can convince her to give you Power of Attorney, should she get sick - "Mom, who is going to pay your bills if you end up in hospital...?" etc. That would at least allow you to monitor the accounts AND block transactions if you need to do that. 

If she is that trusting, she should grant your request. 

If she is truly delusional you can petition the courts for guardianship. Prepare for a fight but you are in to win the war, not the battle. For her sake. But is it worth risking her just shunning you afterwards.


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## GusPolinski

I'm about 99.99999% certain that there are precisely ZERO U.S. troops based in Syria.

At least _legally_.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Ms. GP said:


> My Dad passed away about a month ago and my disordered delusional mother has taken to a dating website. She is getting scammed right and left. She almost sent some dude $300 dollars the other day. She is convinced she is in love with some 45 year old guy in the military. (She's in her 60's btw) after a few emails. No phone conversation because his commander won't let him. (eye roll) He says he's stationed in Syria. Does America even have any troops in Syria? He can't skype because he has an old laptop too. Did I mention she's delusional? I shouldn't care, but I'm the only one in the family that makes a good living and I don't want to bail her out. Any thoughts, ideas, or experiences? Thanks in advance.


Is there any way that you could get online and pretend that you are your mother? That way you could talk to him.

When my step daughter was in high school some guy in the navy tried to get her involved in a relationship. He was over 21 and my step daughter was 15 or 16. He was on a ship in the Pacific. By pretending to be her, I was able to get a lot of info out of him... like the ship he was on.

Then I found out the name and email address of the commander and send all of the info I had on the chats they had. I made it clear to the commander a man under his command was tyring to start a sexual relationship with my minor daughter. Well after that the guy never contacted her again.

My point? If you talk to him, you might be able to get enough info on him to shut this down.


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## imtamnew

Is that legal, pretending to be another legally adult person?


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## 225985

Yes as long as no fraud is committed.


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## EleGirl

imtamnew said:


> Is that legal, pretending to be another legally adult person?


When I did it, my step daughter was 15/16. I would do anything to protect my child from a sexual predator. Don't care if it's legal or not.


But, when it comes the question if it is legal to pretend to be another adult person? It depends on where you are doing the pretending.


If I walk into a bank and pretend to be another person, show them ID, take out a loan, etc. No, that's fraud.

If I go to on internet forum and pretend to be someone else... there is no law against that.

If I go on a scam dating site and pretend I'm my elderly sister (or mother) who is being scammed by an internet dating fraud... there is no law against that.


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## EleGirl

blueinbr said:


> Yes as long as no fraud is committed.


Yep, that's the sort answer.. I'm not good at short answers. >


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## imtamnew

Chapter 8. False Personation and Cheats - California Penal Code Section 528.5 - California Attorney Resources - California Laws

528.5. 
(a) Notwithstanding any other provision of law, any person who knowingly and without consent credibly impersonates another actual person through or on an Internet Web site or by other electronic means for purposes of harming, intimidating, threatening, or defrauding another person is guilty of a public offense punishable pursuant to subdivision 

(b) For purposes of this section, an impersonation is credible if another person would reasonably believe, or did reasonably believe, that the defendant was or is the person who was impersonated.

(c) For purposes of this section, "electronic means" shall include opening an e-mail account or an account or profile on a social networking Internet Web site in another person's name.

(d) A violation of subdivision (a) is punishable by a fine not exceeding one thousand dollars ($1,000), or by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by both that fine and
imprisonment.

(e) In addition to any other civil remedy available, a person who suffers damage or loss by reason of a violation of subdivision 
(a) may bring a civil action against the violator for compensatory
damages and injunctive relief or other equitable relief pursuant to
paragraphs (1), (2), (4), and (5) of subdivision (e) and subdivision (g) of Section 502.

(f) This section shall not preclude prosecution under any other law.


If he does this without the consent of his mother then this is IMHO a violation of the law.


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## 225985

imtamnew said:


> Chapter 8. False Personation and Cheats - California Penal Code Section 528.5 - California Attorney Resources - California Laws
> 
> 528.5.
> (a) Notwithstanding any other provision of law, any person who knowingly and without consent credibly impersonates another actual person through or on an Internet Web site or by other electronic means* for purposes of harming, intimidating, threatening, or defrauding another person *is guilty of a public offense punishable pursuant to subdivision
> 
> (b) For purposes of this section, an impersonation is credible if another person would reasonably believe, or did reasonably believe, that the defendant was or is the person who was impersonated.
> 
> (c) For purposes of this section, "electronic means" shall include opening an e-mail account or an account or profile on a social networking Internet Web site in another person's name.
> 
> (d) A violation of subdivision (a) is punishable by a fine not exceeding one thousand dollars ($1,000), or by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by both that fine and
> imprisonment.
> 
> (e) In addition to any other civil remedy available, a person who suffers damage or loss by reason of a violation of subdivision
> (a) may bring a civil action against the violator for compensatory
> damages and injunctive relief or other equitable relief pursuant to
> paragraphs (1), (2), (4), and (5) of subdivision (e) and subdivision (g) of Section 502.
> 
> (f) This section shall not preclude prosecution under any other law.
> 
> @imtamnew
> 
> *If he does this without the consent of his mother then this is IMHO a violation of the law*.


Your interpretation is incorrect. Clause (a) is the primary governing clause, with clauses (b-f) as clarifications/definitions of the terms used in (a).

Even if it was technically illegal, which it is NOT, it is extremely unlikely that under the circumstances any district attorney would prosecute, especially if the "victim" was undertaking a scam to defraud an elderly citizen.


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## Ms. GP

Scammer Update.

My brother I think finally talked a little sense into her. He was in the military and he informed her there are no U.S troops in Syria, the pics that were sent were of a second lieutenant based on the uniform (not sargeant as he claimed), and he sent her on article on scamming. God, I love my brother!! I swear he could say the same thing and she would listen to him over me, but I don't care. She would probably give him power of attorney too. He is already in charge of the cell phone account, Which is cool with me. I really don't want the headache.

Since this is an anonymous forum, I'm like you @EleGirl if you mess with my friends and family I'm your worst freaking nightmare!! lol My other brother has hacked her email account and sent the other scammer a no contact letter saying she met someone and then blocked his email. I don't think they had traded numbers yet.

One battle down, but sadly I'm afraid there will be more. She's only looking for dudes 10-15 years younger. Gross!!  )


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## Blondilocks

Perhaps you can accompany her to her family physician and let them know what has been going on. Maybe antidepressants could help her after her loss. Good luck.


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## Ms. GP

Blondilocks said:


> Perhaps you can accompany her to her family physician and let them know what has been going on. Maybe antidepressants could help her after her loss. Good luck.


That's the thing. She's not really grieving all that much. She's been on antidepressants my entire life with a few stays in the psych hospital. She's never been well. She always told me she would kill herself if he died before her, and in reality she was trolling for dudes a month after he died. I don't think she is capable of being alone or having a real emotional connection with another person. That's why she falls for this crap. She blathers on about herself, and they tell her how great she is while revealing nothing about them selves. She might be nuts but she's the only parent I have now.


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## EleGirl

I'm glad that your brother's stepped in. Maybe they need to monitor her email and phone usage.

Would she by any chance let your brother handle her finances? It's hard to scam someone who has no real access to money.

When my mom got older she was horrible with money. She was giving money away like candy to anyone who cried on her shoulder. So my sisters and I look control of her money. One of my sisters took over the bank account, paid all her bills, etc. I handled giving her cash for grocery shopping and anything else she wanted to buy. But we put her on a budget.

She did sign a general power of attorney giving my sister the legal right to pay her bills, and manage her accounts. Although she put up a fuss at first, I think she liked that we were taking care of her. And I think she liked that she was no longer an easy mark for anyone who cried for to for money.


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## Chuck71

Ms. GP said:


> That's the thing. She's not really grieving all that much. She's been on antidepressants my entire life with a few stays in the psych hospital. She's never been well. She always told me she would kill herself if he died before her, and in reality she was trolling for dudes a month after he died. I don't think she is capable of being alone or having a real emotional connection with another person. That's why she falls for this crap. She blathers on about herself, and they tell her how great she is while revealing nothing about them selves. She might be nuts but she's the only parent I have now.


File a complaint with the FTC. Follow it up.... you would be amazed what that can do.

Personal experience.....


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## Ms. GP

That's a good idea @Chuck71. Thanks for jumping in too. I know you have your own set of Mama drama. I had a really good talk with a friend who also has a crazy Mom. She gave me some much needed perspective. Her mom brought her second husband as a date to her fourth husband's funeral. (You can't make this stuff up!!) I realized that is what crazy people do. My mom waiting a whole month to send crotch pics to strangers on the internet is like ten years in crazy people time!! I just need to back away. I think she's talking to real dudes now. Either way, I have no control over her. I just need to protect myself with a lot of distance. I unfriended her on Facebook, which is harsh but I promise she will not figure it out. (Not tech savvy at all)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Ms. GP said:


> That's a good idea @Chuck71. Thanks for jumping in too. I know you have your own set of Mama drama. I had a really good talk with a friend who also has a crazy Mom. She gave me some much needed perspective. Her mom brought her second husband as a date to her fourth husband's funeral. (You can't make this stuff up!!) I realized that is what crazy people do. My mom waiting a whole month to send crotch pics to strangers on the internet is like ten years in crazy people time!! I just need to back away. I think she's talking to real dudes now. Either way, I have no control over her. I just need to protect myself with a lot of distance. I unfriended her on Facebook, which is harsh but I promise she will not figure it out. (Not tech savvy at all)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yeah.... on the Mama drama LOL. I'll try and update my C III thread soon about her and a few others.

There comes a point where the more caring you give, the more they fight it. In my case, she was not 

wanting to give up her independence.... I get that. It is a blow to her ego she now has to depend

upon a person she raised. It's the lowest of the low blows... to them.

Late last year when mom was in her angry stretch... she acted as if she was going to hit / slap me.

"Do that if you must but I will call 911 and have you sent to jail..... try me."

Here.... you can talk to the cops and if you just want them in for say.... eight hours and it's a "soft family

issue" they usually do that. It would set a precedent of not taking her BS and.... she is a two pack 

a day smoker. Eight hours without a ciggy... yeah she'd think twice after that.


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## Bobby5000

First, if you believe there is a scam, there likely is. These people are remorseless, money requested will get larger and larger, and police do very very little. We're sorry that your mother lost her life savings, but Officer Smith is assigned to parking control and checking for expired registrations. You need to be very gentle though, ignorant and inexperienced people do not like to be told the truth.


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## norajane

Ms. GP said:


> That's the thing. She's not really grieving all that much. She's been on antidepressants my entire life with a few stays in the psych hospital. She's never been well. She always told me she would kill herself if he died before her, and in reality she was trolling for dudes a month after he died.* I don't think she is capable of being alone or having a real emotional connection with another person. That's why she falls for this crap. She blathers on about herself, and they tell her how great she is while revealing nothing about them selves. *She might be nuts but she's the only parent I have now.


Is there some sort of home care service where you could hire someone to come by a few times a week to help her out at home? Maybe she just needs companionship, and is seeking it on the internet because she doesn't have any friends or anyone else in her life? 

Would she get involved with clubs and volunteer activities? My fiance's mom is very active in her church, volunteering at a resale shop, and driving other little old ladies to their doctor's appointments and whatnot since she is still in great shape to do so. Maybe keeping her busy with real people in her life would minimize the time she spends seeking connections to others on the internet?


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## Ms. GP

Well, she really never has had any friends ever. Especially not female friends. She has four kids, but that's about it. This is nothing new. She needs to be looking for a job. My father didn't leave her anything, and I don't really know how she is supporting herself. She talks of selling her house, but has made no effort in that direction. She does better when she's working.


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## Chuck71

May be a classic case of, "idle time is the devil's workshop." Of the four children, has she / could she take a more active role with her grandkids? Do you think she did OLD as something to simply pass time or wanting a connection with someone? Having spent decades as a counselor... could she use that experience to find something in a similar field? If her finances are in question, maybe return to counseling? Granted at her age though, she will run into age discrimination (over 40). 

Would there be a possibility of her moving in with one of her children? Course I tried that with mine and it went over like a wet beer fart at a Southern Baptist revival on Saturday afternoon.


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## Ms. GP

Chuck71 said:


> May be a classic case of, "idle time is the devil's workshop." Of the four children, has she / could she take a more active role with her grandkids? Do you think she did OLD as something to simply pass time or wanting a connection with someone? Having spent decades as a counselor... could she use that experience to find something in a similar field? If her finances are in question, maybe return to counseling? Granted at her age though, she will run into age discrimination (over 40).
> 
> Would there be a possibility of her moving in with one of her children? Course I tried that with mine and it went over like a wet beer fart at a Southern Baptist revival on Saturday afternoon.


Lol!! Wet beer fart... Best analagy ever!! 

What happened? Your mom isn't living with you anymore? 

She needs to go back to work. She could open up her own practice with her old clients if she wanted. But I really think she's looking for a man to take care of her, and I hate to say it but if she up and moved away to be with one of her suiters, it might not be so bad. Let some poor chump take care of her crazy azz.

As far as grandkids go, she's only puts on a show every once in a while to act like she cares about them. She's really never shown any interest. Too self absorbed. She's not allowed to watch mine even though they are 7 and 10. I did let her watch them one time for an hour while I went to the grocery store, but I made sure they were occupied first.


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## Chuck71

Ms. GP said:


> Lol!! Wet beer fart... Best analagy ever!!
> 
> What happened? Your mom isn't living with you anymore?
> 
> She needs to go back to work. She could open up her own practice with her old clients if she wanted. But I really think she's looking for a man to take care of her, and I hate to say it but if she up and moved away to be with one of her suiters, it might not be so bad. Let some poor chump take care of her crazy azz.
> 
> As far as grandkids go, she's only puts on a show every once in a while to act like she cares about them. She's really never shown any interest. Too self absorbed. She's not allowed to watch mine even though they are 7 and 10. I did let her watch them one time for an hour while I went to the grocery store, but I made sure they were occupied first.


She wants a 1960s set-up in 2016...... not impossible but I wouldn't hold my breath. She sounds capable of working and obviously has the credentials.... what is stopping her? 1960s thoughts?

I hate to hear that about how she acts about her grandkids.... truly freaking sorry. She seems to want the easiest road which, in the end, is always the hardest. God knows you can't tell a parent a Gdamn thing.... they know it all. *eyeroll*

I have yet to post on my C III but in summary.... last week mom began screaming at me, yelling how much of a sorry arse POS I was and I went to the bedroom. Locked the door.... she kicked, punched the door, broke the lock.... think ala Zillard's thread..... I did at the time.

Anyway... she told me if abortions were legal in 1971, she would have aborted me. All which needs to be said. Game... set.... match.

"Mom you know it's funny, it took you trying to move in, for you to tell me how much of a Gdamn sorry MF I was... how ironic" Yet she was Edith Bunker to the rest of the world. I may put up with more than others but when it reaches a point, F you, ice cold, burn in he!!. 

She told me about 20 years ago she saw me not speaking to her. She sat in a recliner reading the Bible hoping I would talk to her. Well... you know how I am with premonitions.....


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## Ms. GP

I think she does want the 1960's set up, but without having to cook or clean. (Good luck with that!!) 

I know it may be shocking that she isn't that interested in her grand kids, but it absolutely elicits no emotional response from me anymore. I'm used to it. We actually haven't spoken in about six weeks, as I type this I'm wondering why I feel the need to protect her. Trauma bonds run deep I guess. 
@Chuck71 She broke your door and said that?!! Omg!! So I guess she's not living with you anymore. Do you think there might be some cognitive decline on her part? Or has she always been BSC?


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## Chuck71

Ms. GP said:


> I think she does want the 1960's set up, but without having to cook or clean. (Good luck with that!!)
> 
> I know it may be shocking that she isn't that interested in her grand kids, but it absolutely elicits no emotional response from me anymore. I'm used to it. We actually haven't spoken in about six weeks, as I type this I'm wondering why I feel the need to protect her. Trauma bonds run deep I guess.
> 
> @Chuck71 She broke your door and said that?!! Omg!! So I guess she's not living with you anymore. Do you think there might be some cognitive decline on her part? Or has she always been BSC?


W/O cooking / cleaning LOL yeah..... lemme know how dat works out!

Family ties always run a skin layer deeper. That's why you still care. Nobody on this planet can pi$$ you off and receive forgiveness after so much wreckage. Course we are imprinted to love our parents. And if we have halfway decent parents.... we tend to look over a ton of BSC. Like I mentioned on the old Crossroads 2-The Way thread back in 2014.... pop and I locked horns all the time. He scaled back, then I did. Our last few years weren't that bad.... they weren't super-fab but they were much better than say 1986-90.

Mom never was anywhere near this bad. I can taste the anger that is around her. Apart from my psych background and special ed teaching.... it is VERY clear she has cognitive issues. She is maybe 35% of what she was... say 2014. But I did all I can.... just like I said three and a half years ago about WC..... I do hope she gets help for her issues but I no longer care to participate. Schitty ending.... yes indeed.... but life never promises rose gardens, just schitt drunk country singers from the 1970s.

"Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” Oscar Wilde


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