# Is it weird to not want a girlfriend or LTR?



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Wow, my first thread.

I found TAM in mid 2009 to find out if my fiancee was cheating on me (she was, more on that in a second). The information and advice I encountered on TAM was awesome! I became a LONG time lurker, just recently signed up.

I was engaged to what I thought was a wonderful woman. We dated and she and her daughter eventually moved into my house. We were together a touch over 5 years. Some things did not seem right with her. I would babysit her daughter as she went out more and more, unexplained absences, the usual red flags.

As I mentioned above, I found TAM, and found out what I needed to do. It took a year and a half but I caught her. Found out she had boyfriends (yes, plural  ) and had been cheating most of our relationship. I kicked her out, called off the wedding. The only thing I miss is her daughter. This sweet, innocent beautiful little girl who I have known since 3 years old was ripped from my life. I miss her and loved her like she was my daughter. I was the only man she called "dad". I miss her to this day. 

Now my question. My long time and best friend (His girlfriend now wife introduced myself and the ex) were talking. He thought it was weird that I have not entered into any kind of relationship since the break up. I have been on many dates, but I am just not interested in any kind of LTR. 

Is it normal to not want a serious relationship 5 some years after the break up? I have my work and my hobbies keep me very busy. 

I guess I love the single life.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Maybe you aren't interested in a LTR or marriage because you haven't found the right woman. Maybe it is because you simply have no desire for marriage and family, but going by your history as a fiance and acting father, I don't think so. 

Relax. Enjoy life and dating. If you find the right woman and fall in love, you'll want a future with her. If not, you still enjoyed life and dating.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My BIL is 58 and he's never been married. He likes it that way. What's the big deal?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

My husband died in mid-January 2015. Sometimes people at work ask if I'd date again. Nope. I can honestly say, at this point in my life, I am perfectly happy to live alone, travel alone, dine alone ... whatever.

I have a dear friend here who was widowed after 30 years. She and I hang out every couple months - like tonight to have dinner together and watch fireworks - but other than that, neither of us are interested in LTR's.

"Weird" is a subjective term. What some people may think is weird, is perfectly okay with others.

It's your life and you deserve to be happy. If single works, that's great. After all, look at some of the folks here who are in miserable marriages. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

Go enjoy life - on YOUR terms!


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

turnera2 said:


> My BIL is 58 and he's never been married. He likes it that way. What's the big deal?



I should have mentioned I was married once and divorced. (My bio says single, I feel that way). It was a long time ago. 

The reason I do not have children is because I can't (was born that way). Was also the main reason I'm divorced. She really wanted children, I couldn't, she left.

At one time I wanted a wife and a family. That's my question. After 5 years I don't want that anymore. Is it because I'm older? To bitter?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Nope, nothing wrong with that. My son is 26 and is very adamant that he will never marry. This June he came to visit and has a semi serious girlfriend. 

I say semi-serious because it is the first time since he was 16, that I have actually talked on the phone with one of his girlfriends. Just this Thursday, He told me her name and that she wanted to talk to me to thank for the money I sent so that they could take their trip to Vegas this Fourth of July weekend. 

They don't live together, but it was odd that he handed her the phone. Maybe, he will change his tune with this girl. Who knows. 

Maybe one day you will meet a girl you are willing to give LTR a try. Maybe you won't. 

I know I don't care for a LTR ever again either. I date and enjoy going out with my girlfriends. I like the guys to go dancing with, but that's really just about it.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

There are as many paths to happiness as stars in the night sky. Don't judge yours by anyone else's. If you are happy, you win.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

The length of time doesn't matter. So long as you've got other things going on in your life and you are fulfilled I wouldn't fuss myself. Sounds like you've 'been there, done that' and have decided to take a break from the ride for a while. Good for you.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Well, for one thing, true friends don't judge each other and surely not using the word "Weird". Better they should have noticed your withdrawal from love and inquired about it that way.

So I'll say what they should have: I'm sorry to see that 5 years after being in what must have been for you such an intense and meaningful relationship that you are still avoiding love. Are you OK?

You're obviously not. Grief takes a while to pass thru, and if you're still grieving the losses this long, it's a signal you might need some professional help.

Folks deal with loss in different ways, you, by withdrawing or avoiding love. And neither one of us believes that you "Love the single life". It might be "Safer", but at the cost of loneliness.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Your friend may not think that you are weird, but rather that it is weird that you haven't been in a relationship or desire a LTR at this point.

Either way, all that this tells you is that at one time your friend misjudged you, and thought at the time you would have been in a LTR.

He could have been comparing you to your ex, or himself, or he could have said that to your ex-fiancée rhetorically; knowing exactly why you broke up, it isn't weird at all.

Giggity Giggity


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> You probably think it's weird too. Otherwise you wouldn't have started a thread.
> 
> And that's fine. It's good to self-reflect. By being single for 5 years; you're unusual. It's okay to wonder why.
> 
> ...



No, not celibate. Sometimes a date turns into a night of woopie. :wink2:

Yes, I do miss my little girl crying as I call her, but she not so little anymore. I have no idea what happened to her except they moved to Denver. 

And thank you for the decent guy comment. I feel like a dying breed.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

No, not weird. Frustrating for anyone who might fall for you though, lol, as I know from first hand experience. Just be up front with anyone you date to try and head off any other intentions. I think its great that you can embrace your single life and be happy.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

How old are you? Once we get past the age of, say, 28, there are a lot of options for a man who cannot have children, but may want to raise one or a few.

Single fatherhood by choice is a thing. It's a movement where men who do not want to marry or haven't found the right partner, but who are ready to parent, adopt children from relatives who cannot care for them, the foster system, or through an agency.

There are various romantic possibilities from LTR to marriage, and life possibilities from no children to children from a partners previous relationship, or even to adopted children or pets in lieu of children.

You have a whole world full of possibilities. Nothing wrong with enjoying them until you find what really suits you best.

If, right now, it feels right to not be looking for a LTR or to start a family, roll with it. Just be open to change if it comes along.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I don't think it's weird at all. As a matter of fact, if I could some day get out of my marriage, I don't think I'd want to get married or have a long term relationship again either.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> No, not weird. Frustrating for anyone who might fall for you though, lol, as I know from first hand experience. Just be up front with anyone you date to try and head off any other intentions. I think its great that you can embrace your single life and be happy.


I am very upfront when asked. If they are looking to get married I politely tell them to look elsewhere. I have never or ever will be dishonest or string then along.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Weird? Nope. Different strokes for different folks and all that 

Only you can know the answer to your questions though - are you bitter? Are you scared?

Remember that by closing yourself off to that possibility to keep the bad stuff out, you're not letting any good stuff in either.

On the other hand, if you're genuinely happy and up front with anyone you're dating, then I don't see a problem.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

rockon said:


> Wow, my first thread.
> 
> I found TAM in mid 2009 to find out if my fiancee was cheating on me (she was, more on that in a second). The information and advice I encountered on TAM was awesome! I became a LONG time lurker, just recently signed up.
> 
> ...


Under your circumstances it is not weird. 

I went through a similar period after I was cheated on.

Friends set me up on a blind date -she turned out to be more than a bit weird but it got me dating again.
But if you are happy alone, that's OK too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

If it's weird, then I'm weird too. I've been divorced for almost 6 years, and I currently have no desire for another LTR; I'm not even crazy about dating. I'm enjoying doing what i want whenever i want.

Society does like to look upon singles and think they must be a little sadder than people who are in a relationship, but it's all about knowing yourself.


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