# Newbie- Sexless Marriage



## Sirc.555

Hello, im new here and i am frustrated about my sexless marriage.

Im 27 years old and my husband is 56 years old and 1.5 year happily married now, so I am frustrated on what to think or feel about my husband’s less sex drive since we got a baby ( 8 months old). My husband has gained weight alot (300lbs) and find himself frustrated not performing good sex with me so he told me that i wait until he loose weight and im so proud of him he did it so he gave sex maybe 3 to 4 times a month and now its back again he’s not making love with me often again recently, I asked him “are you still attracted to me” and he said “yes, i am and i find you sexy and beautiful “. So i am a happy person most of the time and make him laugh most of the time too and everytime i think whats going on in our sex life makes my happy mode into a beast mode ( upset, mad, disappointed,etc) and it hurts me that i am expecting and its not going to happen again so every time i am on this mode i keep convincing myself to just accept it to myself that he is not going to have sex with me again and just move on with it & thats how hurt i am. I even wore a lingerie to make him feel sexy and maybe gonna have sex with me but turns out he didn’t even notice it. I just dont have the guts to tell him straight that i want him to make love to me and I am longing for it. ☹ So now i am convincing myself not to except anymore about it and just move on and forget about sex, I dont know if this is the right mindset right now.
But you know guys I am very lucky with my husband because he’s one of a kind person and we are very much inlove with each other, faithful, honest and respectful, never in my mind i am going to leave him or cheat on him just because of this thing. But ya, has anyone here experienced the same way? Or can someone correct or advice me on what i am feeling right now? Thank you for taking time reading my post.


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## Diana7

If you marry a man who is 30 years older than you I am not too sure what you expected. 
When you are 40 he will be an old man.
Is he still grossly overweight?


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## Sirc.555

Diana7 said:


> If you marry a man who is 30 years older than you I am not too sure what you expected.
> When you are 40 he will be an old man.
> Is he still grossly overweight?


When were dating we had good sex and as young woman (25) I never thought we would get to this point, now he is still overweight but he said he feels better because he workout gradually.


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## frenchpaddy

poor man he is in danger at that weight , 
I had to convert that to kg to know just what 300lbs is 136kg 
you have a new baby on the seen and a new husband that has put on a lot of weight 
he has lost interest in every thing in many things I would expect 
have you asked him to go to get help he needs a lot of help here 
if not he will not live long


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## Sirc.555

frenchpaddy said:


> poor man he is in danger at that weight ,
> I had to convert that to kg to know just what 300lbs is 136kg
> you have a new baby on the seen and a new husband that has put on a lot of weight
> he has lost interest in every thing in many things I would expect
> have you asked him to go to get help he needs a lot of help here
> if not he will not live long


Hello, thanks for caring yes he’s weight is in bad shape right now and he’s been trying to do diet and does some work out too, i am also very worried if something happens with him he just started a married life and a new baby. We did not seek help with nutritionist and yea alot of things makes him lost interest with and that makes me sad too we cannot do alot of things together.


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## frenchpaddy

DIET is a bad thing because everyone starts a diet they stay with it for a few days , a few weeks or even a few months , 
then they drop it and end up putting on more weight because the diet teaches their body to become better at converting and storing food ,

he needs a lifestyle change he needs to park the car where he has to walk that bit more to get to the shop or where ever 
he is going , 
he needs to make small lifestyle changes that can help him and you need to be part of it or on bored with it 
improve your eating habits, it's best to make small lifestyle changes that you can keep doing over time.

Changing your eating habits and your environment can help you eat healthier foods.
healthy diet is good for your overall health. It also can help you reach a healthy weight and stay there.


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## coquille

I am sorry you are going through this. You are very young and you should not think that you must accept a sexless marriage. Your husband is 30 years older than you, and this is a significant gap. You guys are at different stages in your lives, and physical differences are aggravated by your husband's obesity. He should seek professional help, not just for himself, but for you and your son. Why did he let himself gain so much weight? Maybe he also should consult a therapist to check for his mental health, since you say that he lost interest in any activity. Maybe depression is to blame for this situation?

Help him seek help, but do not think that you should accept to live in this situation for the rest of your life. Do not have more kids with him until he gets back in shape and in good health.


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## frenchpaddy

I think your not here to get told you should not marrie a older man even though 30 years is quite a gap 
when we see this type gap we think Younger guys dating older women are gigolos, fetishists, playboys. Younger women dating older men are victims, bimbos with daddy issues, gold diggers. Older men dating younger women are marked exploitative and creepy or a dim geriatric being hoodwinked by a devious ingenue .

as was often said about Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, with their 26-year age gap and successful marriage of over two decades. It must be said.

French president Emmanuel Macron's wife, Brigitte, is 25 years his senior and they met when he was a 15-year-old student and she a teacher - already sounding pretty icky and scandalous - yet age gaps of a quarter of a raise century barely an eyebrow when the man is older. US president Trump, for example, is 24 years older than Melania - but I guess we have bigger fish to fry with him.

people can say things that hurt and he might be dealing with things that others have said ,
he might be dealing with other things like his age and thinking he has a chance of not been around when the son is leaving school ,It can be difficult dealing with strangers or the public when you are in an age gap relationship. 
If you go out to restaurants a lot, then you’ll probably get more attention from strangers. 


*he and you get the Negative stereotyping Rude comments even just 
Stares or whispers *


It can be incredibly hurtful to lose friends or even family who disapprove of your age gap relationship. The best way to deal with this is to make a new friends that you choose.
Or, create new things with your partner. Plan something amazing for the holidays so they feel special to you. Even a day out hiking or something unconventional is a good idea. just get out in the open air is good for the two of you 

he might be blocking you and afraid to have sex and bring another child into the world 
afraid he might not be there for them but my BIL died at 39 with 2 kids and he was the younger 
so it is not the older that all ways died first 
many a mother liver to see her son go first 


I agree with what coquille posted you need him to get help professional help doctor and the gym , 
don't try it alone he can but it is important and there is more behind this than just not seeing you as sexy


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## In Absentia

Sirc.555 said:


> But you know guys I am very lucky with my husband because he’s one of a kind person.


He is so kind he is depriving you of one of the basic needs in a marriage. Very kind indeed.


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## hamadryad

Just about any 56 year old guy would probably be tearing up a 20 something at least once a day, if he had the chance your guy has....

In other words....this aint gonna get better....sorry..

Find someone closer to your age is my advice,,,,and if you like sex, pick a fit guy....they are just about always better in the sack..You could stay, because of all the other great things you say about the marriage, but how do you want to live the best years of your life? Plus, if he is that overweight, at that age, he probably already has heart and cardiovascular problems, etc...You may wind up being his nurse and wiping his ass when you are in your 30's....You want that??


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## Luckylucky

At your age you should be having a hell of a lot of sex!

Is this his second/third marriage and do you know his previous pattern? It sounds very cruel to tell you he finds you sexy and beautiful but he’s withholding the actual sex part. So he’s not really a kind man.

Some people do everything to hook you in and then the mask slips and when you start to call it out, they feed you little words and droplets to keep you around. Some people like ‘marriage’ for what it gives THEM, and you seem to be providing him with a lot of something.

What’s he providing you with as time goes by? Less and less? Any other things dropping off slowly? Like patience, care, attention, laughter and fun?


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## 342693

I'm 54 and have a great sex life. So it's not his age as much as his weight. 300# is obese. How tall is he?

Men's testosterone drops as we age....couple that with being obese..and I'm surprised you have sex at all. 

He needs to see a doctor ASAP about his weight. 99% of us are at no danger from Covid, but he's in that 1%.


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## Sirc.555

frenchpaddy said:


> DIET is a bad thing because everyone starts a diet they stay with it for a few days , a few weeks or even a few months ,
> then they drop it and end up putting on more weight because the diet teaches their body to become better at converting and storing food ,
> 
> he needs a lifestyle change he needs to park the car where he has to walk that bit more to get to the shop or where ever
> he is going ,
> he needs to make small lifestyle changes that can help him and you need to be part of it or on bored with it
> improve your eating habits, it's best to make small lifestyle changes that you can keep doing over time.
> 
> Changing your eating habits and your environment can help you eat healthier foods.
> healthy diet is good for your overall health. It also can help you reach a healthy weight and stay there.


Hello, thank you so much for all these encouragement, I will talk to him about the lifestyle that we have especially our eating habits, this is where we should start and also going to tell him to seek doctor for his weight loss. Thank you very much I appreciate your help


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## Sirc.555

coquille said:


> I am sorry you are going through this. You are very young and you should not think that you must accept a sexless marriage. Your husband is 30 years older than you, and this is a significant gap. You guys are at different stages in your lives, and physical differences are aggravated by your husband's obesity. He should seek professional help, not just for himself, but for you and your son. Why did he let himself gain so much weight? Maybe he also should consult a therapist to check for his mental health, since you say that he lost interest in any activity. Maybe depression is to blame for this situation?
> 
> Help him seek help, but do not think that you should accept to live in this situation for the rest of your life. Do not have more kids with him until he gets back in shape and in good health.


Hello good morning, yeah he gained so much weight because he was lonely for a long long time and doesn’t care anyone else also to himself, i can say he doesn’t have depression its just his self insecurities so i keep encouraging him not to feel bad about himself and pushing him to be positive about loosing weight and i can say he’s trying. Thank you for the advice of not having another baby until he gets helped because I was planning to have another baby, also yea i will tell him that we should consult a doctor about it before its gonna be too late. Thank you very much I appreciate your caring for us 🥰


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## Sirc.555

hamadryad said:


> Just about any 56 year old guy would probably be tearing up a 20 something at least once a day, if he had the chance your guy has....
> 
> In other words....this aint gonna get better....sorry..
> 
> Find someone closer to your age is my advice,,,,and if you like sex, pick a fit guy....they are just about always better in the sack..You could stay, because of all the other great things you say about the marriage, but how do you want to live the best years of your life? Plus, if he is that overweight, at that age, he probably already has heart and cardiovascular problems, etc...You may wind up being his nurse and wiping his ass when you are in your 30's....You want that??





SCDad01 said:


> I'm 54 and have a great sex life. So it's not his age as much as his weight. 300# is obese. How tall is he?
> 
> Men's testosterone drops as we age....couple that with being obese..and I'm surprised you have sex at all.
> 
> He needs to see a doctor ASAP about his weight. 99% of us are at no danger from Covid, but he's in that 1%.


 Hello, my husband is 5’6 tall i think all fault of this is his weight because i can tell he wants to make love to me when he gets home ( he’s at work 5 days a week and home 2 days) we missed each other all the time ,plus that mens nature drops too but yea thanks for the concern we really need to seek doctor, i will convince him to do it.


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## 342693

Sirc.555 said:


> Hello, my husband is 5’6 tall i think all fault of this is his weight because i can tell he wants to make love to me when he gets home ( he’s at work 5 days a week and home 2 days) we missed each other all the time ,plus that mens nature drops too but yea thanks for the concern we really need to seek doctor, i will convince him to do it.


5'6, 300 lbs is a BMI of 48.4. Anything above 30 is considered obese. I think that is the problem, so definitely have him see a doctor and start a diet.


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## Sirc.555

SCDad01 said:


> 5'6, 300 lbs is a BMI of 48.4. Anything above 30 is considered obese. I think that is the problem, so definitely have him see a doctor and start a diet.


Yes I will take him to the doctor ASAP and thank you so much for enlightening my mind.


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## DudeInProgress

Why do you have to take him to a doctor, that’s his job. Is he your husband or your child?

i’m sorry you’re in this situation, but what did you think was going to happen when you chose to marry a morbidly obese man, 30 years older than you, who won’t or can’t take care of his own health and fitness?


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