# I'm hanging on by my fingernails



## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

Hi TAM. It's been just over one week since I left my husband. I've kept up my entries on my blog Chronic Love and yesterday I went on reddit: the voice of the internet -- news before it happens to do an AMA. I thought it would be a good idea to tell people about my experience and expose another face of DV. Here's a link to the page. IAmA 25/f who just left an abusive husband after only 4 months of marriage. AMA : IAmA

Now I feel totally crazy. Several people basically said that I drove my husband to such extremes and that I need long term in patient care. I want to die. I feel totally unfit for life, let alone love.

I'm drowning in fear. What if the judge agrees with my husband and all these people and decides I'm the abuser? Can a judge have me committed to a mental facility? I wish I had cut deeper when I had the opportunity. Now I want to die but I'm too scared of pain to act.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I am so proud of you for leaving your husband! I know it was a hard and risky thing to do on so many levels! It sounds like you're doing all the right things and that you have a great support system around you. That support system is who you need to listen to...not a bunch of strangers who are making judgments based on a sound bite! The internet makes people really brave, it's easy to say things in cyberspace that you'd never dream of saying to someone's face. Quit going back and looking at that junk right now! Seriously. It's not productive, so why torment yourself?

As far as a judge goes, you're talking about the hearing for the restraining order, right? So even if he decides you were abusive _too_ (not _only you_), there were clear incidences of violence on both sides and more than enough reason to issue a PO. That's the goal. The PO. Worst case, you get the PO and have to do anger management classes or something. Sucks. Not fair, but you've got the order. Plus, these are handled in civil courts, not criminal courts, so it's not like a judge finding the abuse to be mutual starts some sort of chain of criminal charges. And if you're taking a lawyer with you, they can help present things in your favor. 

You also can't be committed to a mental facility against your will, the only thing that the judge or law enforcement can do is place you on a 72-hour psychiatric hold if they determine you to be an active threat to yourself or others. After that, you can agree to further treatment or not. To be committed against your will like in stories takes a much longer process where someone has to show A LOT of evidence that you are too mentally ill to care for yourself and your assets. And since you managed to basically close out an entire life of bank accounts, services, etc. and relocate across country in a day and a half, I'm thinking that would be REALLY hard to prove. You sound pretty capable to me!

So just focus on your AMA being out there for some girl just like you to hear when she needs it; forget about anonymous a$$hat commenters; focus on getting calm and centered for the hearing that's coming up and keep making plans for the future. Call your friends, let them give you a reality check because they know YOU, they know the WHOLE story and most importantly, they CARE. So reach out, even though that's probably the hardest thing to do right now. 

Be kind to yourself---


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Plymouth, 
You are a hero to many and a strong, strong woman. You are the face of DV, the difference is, in your case, you recognized what is/was happening and got out. So many others aren't so lucky. 
You aren't going to die nor do you want to. You are going to continue to rise up like the Phoenix that you are. You won't let anybody define your worth. You will look in the mirror and take pride that you are a survivor and then repeat these words over and over until you are shouting at the top of your lungs: "I am Plymouth71, I am worthy of respect, I am worthy of love because I respect myself and love myself". Say it until you believe it. 
PM me anytime. I will always respond. And stay strong. I meant it when I said I gave you a standing ovation. You deserve a stadium filled with people doing the same thing.


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

You guys rock. This is why I keep coming back to TAM. Thank you. It was a rough couple of hours but I just got back from seeing one of my childhood friends and she helped me get hooked up with further great services in the area. Thankyou again so much.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Plymouth,
You CAN do this!!!! I have posted before on another thread but perhaps you didn't see it....I too am a survivor of DV. 19 years ago I was living with "the love of my life". Moved 3 hours away to be with him. The "love of my life" ended up choking me to near death after I accused him of cheating on me. They will never change, ever. Guess what he does for a living now? He is an attorney that primarily defends abusive husbands. I wish to God I would have pressed charges rather than just calling the police. Had I done so, he would never have been able to get his license to practice law in California. 
You are a Phoenix, I know....I was there. You will rise up, trust me on this.


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