# Cant Determine if spouse wants to Reconcile?



## monad (Jul 8, 2014)

hi everyone,
here's my situation, caught my husband cheating, actually suspected this a while back in my 3 yrs of marriage, and finally found some evidence which he still denies that they are from the present and keeps telling me that its from the past and forgot to delete from his ipad/emails after getting married, anyways i freaked out when i saw evidence in his ipad and flew back home and involved his and my family in this, i moved out. he didnt make any contact initally and when i did he told me hes done with marriage and family, but after 2 weeks he wants to join me in counselling, but keeps telling me that he doesnt know where hes going with this. we have been to 1 counselling so far and i met him the after the first counselling and all hes focused on is the fact that he has lost his respect in the family and his family thinks low of him now, i am really trying here to make this marriage work because even after everything I still love him and want him in my life. We have no kids and live far away from family. So far the only positive approach I have from him is him coming to counselling once a week, and a few times when i did see him, he sits and talks but has no real answers to my questions in terms of our future. he keeps saying he doesnt know what he wants and going to do, he says hes lost. But when i leave he gives me a real tight hug that feels like he still has feelings for me, i am so torn and i dont know if I am wasting my time with him.......would love to hear a guy's opinion on this and is he trying to reconcile or just hanging around and waiting for me to quit. curently we live separately but he says i can come anytime I want but didnt say that HE wants me to come back. What should I do????
thanks


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If he's not demonstrating remorse for what he's done, you're wasting your time. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

You're trying too hard to clean up his mess.


----------



## WYBadger (Mar 3, 2014)

He may want to reconcile, but he doesn't sound remorseful. If he isn't sure that he wants you and is more concerned about his feelings of shame than yours, you have your answer. If he isn't doing the heavy lifting here, something's wrong.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why do you care what HE wants? He's an unrepentant cheater who refuses to even acknowledge he's done anything wrong. You have no kids. You should be asking yourself why you would even consider R with him.


----------



## monad (Jul 8, 2014)

thanks everyone, i am trying to move on but its so hard.....i wasnt sure about him and thats why i moved out and have started to create a new friends circle and try to engage with new friends to help me start fresh, in my head i thought that maybe counselling will help and after some time and professional help I will able to make a decision finally with no regrets. Thats why i thought i will give it a Final chance and see if he shows any feelings and takes responsibility. If not then I will move on and thats something I remind myself that I can only control me and life will move on. 
Thanks for your opinion


----------

