# plz help im so confused with my bf



## redmoonX (Sep 3, 2010)

Hi, im new here and a bit too desperate already..so heres what happend..

Me and my bf had been arguing a lot and always ends up in a break up, he always used to call me beg for me to come back and stuffs, but the last time we broke up he seems to like really considering it already and even if its against my belief that girls should go after a guy i did it, from then on the relationship became really good and we're absolutely happy, but a few days ago my old temper is coming back and we started arguing again, although not so much as before..Today he skipped shcool because hes sick ever since yestrday n we stayed up so late last night.So today called me by 11 am to wake me up and we had a nice talk until i got upset bcoz he said that he will be studying a lot strting from now (bcoz he's graduating already and his final exams are coming really soon). So i got upset and dropped the call without the usual sweet words.I told him that id be on skype after i finish my bath and lunch. When i came on around 1am hes not answering my skype call. i left an irritated note that "just call me when ur not bc.tc" and then a few minutes later i send another message saying "u seem busy wish u told me so i wouldnt have styed in the house n wasted my time" still no call from him and i turned off skype already..at the same time theres this online game we are always playing n when i checked him there his charcter is online as usual since we always leave it on, but its not moving..so at around 4 still no call from him, but when i check the charcter moved already and is on a diffrent spot. i messaged him and said "nice u didnt even called me" but no reply..i turned on skype n delted the sweet profile message n changed it to something like im stupid to trust him.. n i also left a message saying that im not stupid and im so tired of him already and that im breaking up with him and that forget all the promises we made coz i dnt wnna keep it for someone who treats me like **** (coz we promised that whenver we break up we'll still find our way back tgther and nver let go, and that we wont ever have a new relationship with another)..until now he still hasnt messaged or called me and i feel so upset that he seems to be avoiding and ignoring me earlier...what should i do?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It seems like you expect him to always talk to you, spend time with you, etc. Can't he have free time for himself, to talk to friends or study or whatever?

You mention school....how old are you two? Is it college that you're referring to? I ask because some of the stuff you say makes you sound younger. 

No matter how much you love each other, you don't have to be nor should you be the sole focus of each other's lives. You each deserve to have time for yourselves, whether to go out with friends, enjoy a quiet bath, read a book, or just play a game online. It doesn't detract from your relationship; in fact, it will help your relationship. It will give you time apart, so you appreciate each other more; it will give you more to talk about, since you'll be doing things without each other and will be able to share that information with each other. 

If he was studying, there's nothing wrong with him taking a short break to play an online game. Perhaps he took that break, but didn't want to call you because he wanted it to be a short break and he knew if he called you, he'd talk to you longer than he intended and therefore wouldn't get back to his studying. 

It kind of sounds like you might be a bit clingy (don't take it wrong; I've been guilty of it myself), which will drive him away. Just because he focuses on something other than you for a while doesn't mean that he loves you any less. And there's no reason to be jealous. If you can't learn to let go and give him some space sometimes, you may end up losing him for good next time.


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## heatherlindsay (Sep 1, 2010)

Agrees you shouldn't be too clingy, but also you don't deserve to be ignored either, you would be wise to spend time on a hobbie or interest of your own. Think about what YOU like doing and ignore him for awhile if hes sees your more independent & confident on your own he might just pick up the phone. But when he does don't act mad or ask him a bunch of questions just have a normal convo & act like he didn't do anything wrong. It cant hurt to try!!
But practice being more independent.


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## mrszeus (Jul 13, 2010)

You both seem very young.

atruckersgirl put it best - a relationship should be a big part of your life, but not the only focus. It almost sounds like you don't let him be by himself, and treat him like a pet; he has to be there when you call him.

Guys don't like that. Girls don't like that. Give him enough space so he can enjoy himself with friends, family, play a video game, study... Studying is important, and you should encourage him to get better grades. Don't preach him for that.

When you really care about someone, it's hard to find the right balance and you might seem like a needy, clingy, very demanding girlfriend. Try to keep your temper under control, support him and be understanding.

I wish you good luck!


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

You do sound very young- not bad thing- we've all been there  wish I knew back then what i know now... life would have been so much easier =) You do need to give him space and not get upset when he is sick and needs to study- if you do get upset with him- try not putting it all over the internet and then calling him and wanting him to want to talk to you. I know it's tough being patient, but just call him ONCE and tell him to call you and then he will call you when he calls you- sending him tons of messages and calling him again won't make him call you any faster- do something to keep yourself busy and try not to worry about things you can't control =)


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## redmoonX (Sep 3, 2010)

Thnk u all for replyng..i understnd ur point but yeah its very hard...and the problem is...we always talk on skype and video call the whole day..even when studying or playing..when studying we leave the camera on...were both not an outside type so we both like staying at home...so i know its kinda weird that he didnt called me,if for example he suddenly fell asleep..he always calls me when he wakes up..but today.totally nothing ever since this afternoon..could it be also bcoz of the stuffs i said? i feel so terrible...


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## amporte (Mar 4, 2010)

Has anyone ever called you crazy? I was the same way. I was married and divorced 4 times befor I was 30. Then I took a year off of having any kind of intemate relationship. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I had male friends, but it was strictly friendship. I think you may need to do this too. sometimes we women need to figure out that we can servive without a man in our lives and we are strong all on our own. Most men want to think that we can't live without them, but in reality it's the men who can't live without us. Just so you know, I stayed single and only dated for 9 years befor I remarried. I am stronger for it. I also learned how to control my temper, with theapy. No one has ever called me crazy again, except my 2nd husband, he only does it to boost his own ego. He's the father of our youngest child, so we do talk to each other once in a while. I wish you good luck in your life and I hope you learn the lessons of being self confedent. I have already prayed for you and have asked God to give you strenth. with all my heart, amporte


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

My advice.......Stay in school. Concentrate a bit more on your studies and less on boys. Work hard, before it is too late, to not express yourself in texting form. It is a habit you need to break before you forget how to spell and communicate in the real world. Any future job you have will depend on adult forms of communication. 

My question......You mention a bit of a temper problem. Is this just with him or is it your personality in general? If it is "how you roll" then you should get a handle on that or all future relationships will be defined by anger and resentment. Nobody loves a hothead long term.

As for the current boyfriend, it sounds to me like you don't fit very well. Whether this is his fault or yours does not matter. Perhaps, until you grow up a bit and get your anger under control, you might want to be focused on you. Have fun. Date a lot of guys. See the world. Don't get pregnant or too attached to any guy. You have your whole life in front of you. Live it large and with purpose!!


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Another thing I wanted to mention is that there are lots of online forums that may be a bit more age appropriate than this one. This is after all a marriage site. However, you can still learn a lot from those of us who have "been there, done that" so feel free to ask us for advice.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Agree with Kirk. Also if I was your BF I would be looking to enter the witness protection agency. He already told you he probably couldn't hang around much cuz he had to study for his finals.

Let's see.....

Study hard so I can get good grades and graduate or spend time with my gf who can go ballistic at any moment and fail my classes and don't graduate? If he's thinking about his future, it's not a hard decision to make on his part right now. Heck, it's not a hard decision for most guys who actually have 1/2 a brain to think with really.


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