# Wife wants me home on the dot



## ConfusedOne13 (Aug 21, 2013)

Anyone else's wife want them home at a specific time? Mine wants me home at 4 pm on the dot and gets upset if I am 15 minutes late. I can't imagine that this is normal behavior. I told her I need at least 30 minutes leeway but she tells me to wake up earlier so I can be home at 4. I am not a morning person and like my schedule the way it is. It drives me f'n nuts!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

What are her issues/stresses at home?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Assuming you've never given her a reason to mistrust you, I'd let her know it's disrespectful. You're an adult and she needs to treat you as such.

With that said, it's not a bad idea to let her know if you're going to be late.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Has she ever worked? It's nearly impossible to go home at an exact time. Does she have other types of behavior that are unreasonable?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The question is, why? If there isn't a good reason, then she's got a problem of some sort which I can't guess at.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I just read your other thread. Your family has bigger problems than what time you get home from work.

Your wife is a basket case? What is her drinking about? Is it her way of handling a falling marriage?

Have you gone to counseling? How about Al-Anon? What actions have you engaged to save this marriage? Did you just let it go till you got fed up and told her you want out?


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

It sounds controlling to me, but I don't know your situation. Is there a specific reason for you to be home at 4:00 or is it just so she knows where you are and what you are doing?


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## ConfusedOne13 (Aug 21, 2013)

She is stressed out from watching our son all day and can't wait for me to get home at 4. So if I am late, she flips out. I understand she is reaching the end of her rope by the end of the day, but that isn't a reason not to give me another half hour. I told her we should put our son in day care a couple days a week to give her a break, but she won't do that. 



> Your wife is a basket case? What is her drinking about? Is it her way of handling a falling marriage?


Yes, she can be a basket case. She has been struggling with drinking all her life. It is only recently that she got it under control but I feel it's only a matter of time until she falls back into her old ways.



> Have you gone to counseling?


Yes. It is helping me get my feelings out, but that's about it.



> How about Al-Anon?


I've looked into it, but there aren't any meetings in my area. Not really interested anyway.



> What actions have you engaged to save this marriage?


I've seen counselors and I've set ground rules and repeatedly told her how much her drinking bothers me. I've been dealing with this for nearly 10 years and can't tolerate it any longer. It isn't fair to her or to me.



> Did you just let it go till you got fed up and told her you want out?


I've given her so many chances over the years and she hasn't been able to follow through with her commitment to stop drinking. I am fed up and told her I want out. But now she has really cut back and feels great about it so now I don't know what to do. Should I stick around for a few months to see if I can rekindle some feelings for her or should I learn from the past that she will never change and leave now to avoid being let down again?


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Put your foot down and sign your kid up for daycare. She sounds stressed and your son shouldn't be around that especially if its leading to drinking.

I was/am in a similar situation. Took care of my daughter all day and was done by 4 pm. Luckily my husband was willing to come home at that time and called if he needed to be late for whatever reason. There isn't a job on earth that is as demanding and tiring as being at home with kids. My H would come home, i'd get a break for an hour and then I was refreshed enough to be with the family again and cook dinner. Caregiving has the highest rate of burnout and you really should make sure your wife is being taken care of. If that means daycare a few days a week then do it!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

FemBot said:


> There isn't a job on earth that is as demanding and tiring as being at home with kids. Caregiving has the highest rate of burnout and you really should make sure your wife is being taken care of. If that means daycare a few days a week then do it!


really? Ever try working at a daycare full time? Ever try being an emergency room doctor? How about a full time nurse in the pediatric cancer ward? 

OP,it sounds like your wife is definitely struggling and needs serious help.If one child is stressing her out enough to make her cave like this maybe staying at home isn't the right fit for her. Perhaps she should try a part time job to get out of the house a little bit and get a change of scenery?
I can't imagine the amount of negativity surrounding the child on a daily basis bc she can't handle him. She should attend individual counseling to help her develop better tools for coping with the stress of life.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

ConfusedOne13 said:


> I've given her so many chances over the years and she hasn't been able to follow through with her commitment to stop drinking. I am fed up and told her I want out. But now she has really cut back and feels great about it so now I don't know what to do. *Should I stick around for a few months to see if I can rekindle some feelings for her or should I learn from the past that she will never change and leave now to avoid being let down again?*


That's up to you. Addicts stumble before they succeed. What is your marriage/family worth to you? You seem to be on the right path. You set the boundary with her drinking. Keep it! But realize it's not as simple as just stopping, for her. People drink for a reason. She will need help from you and professionals. Don't let 15 mins kill your marriage, her problem is lot deeper than those kind of things.


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## ConfusedOne13 (Aug 21, 2013)

> Don't let 15 mins kill your marriage, her problem is lot deeper than those kind of things.


I realize her problem is deeper. I'm sorry but no one should have to put up with the burden of being with an alcoholic spouse. Maybe some can do it but I can't and refuse to be a caretaker the rest of my life. I should have realized the seriousness of the situation long ago, but I was too naive back then. There is no history of alcohol or substance abuse in my family so I didn't realize how difficult it could be. I figured she would grow out of it. 



> OP,it sounds like your wife is definitely struggling and needs serious help.If one child is stressing her out enough to make her cave like this maybe staying at home isn't the right fit for her. Perhaps she should try a part time job to get out of the house a little bit and get a change of scenery?
> I can't imagine the amount of negativity surrounding the child on a daily basis bc she can't handle him. She should attend individual counseling to help her develop better tools for coping with the stress of life.


I've been trying to get her back to work but she won't take a job where she can't bring our son with her. It's baffling--she is so stressed after watching him all day yet won't make a change to allow herself some time away to relieve some stress. She's thinking of babysitting other peoples children at our house for some additional income, which could make her even more stressed! My wife's mood definitely affects my son's. She's even admitted that. I've noticed my son is more well behaved when he's just with me because I am more relaxed.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

ConfusedOne13 said:


> I've been trying to get her back to work but she won't take a job where she can't bring our son with her. It's baffling--she is so stressed after watching him all day yet won't make a change to allow herself some time away to relieve some stress. She's thinking of babysitting other peoples children at our house for some additional income, which could make her even more stressed! My wife's mood definitely affects my son's. She's even admitted that. I've noticed my son is more well behaved when he's just with me because I am more relaxed.



oh my goodness please don't let her take on additional children.Stress does strange things to people and I don't think anyone would be prepared for the potential fallout from taking on more children.

Addicts can't be helped until they're willing to help themselves first.You can push her all you want and it isn't going to make things better unless she wants them to be better.
If she's not ready to truly make the change then she will fail every time.

I feel bad for your little boy He doesn't deserve this kind of stress.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Here's my thought. You should be reliabliy home on time every day, and if 4:00 is doable and your job will not suffer, then you should do it.

I don't think "I'm not a morning person" is an excuse for anything for a grown man who is a husband and a father. Do children care about whether their parent is a morning person or an night person? Thier needs are immediate, non flexable and occur at all times.

Your wife needs that knowledge of when her care time is going to be over. She needs that stability. She needs that security. It's not fair if she does not know when her responsiblity will be over from one day to the next.

Now, on the other hand, your wife's attitude about taking care of a child is messed up. The most fulfilling and rewarding things in life are hard. You need to be her champion in making her feel that what she is doing is appreciated by you, a great thing for a woman to do, will tremendously benefit her child and is overall a wonderful thing. She needs you to motiviate and encourage her. She needs you to provide ideas that help her get out of funks and depressions. She needs you to also show that you EXPECT her to find a way to make raising her children a positive experience for herself, her kids, and the overall family and that you will do everyhing you can to facilitate that. You need to show that YOU operate in the best interest of the family in a unit, and lead by example.

I think telling her to "put the kids in daycare" is a huge mistake. That tells her that what she is doing is unimportant and you don't appreciate it. The conversation should more be about you two brainstorming solutions.

Regarding the drinking.... I think you have to set up the marital home to be one of happiness so that her desire to turn to alchohol is dimished.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

ConfusedOne13 said:


> I realize her problem is deeper. I'm sorry but no one should have to put up with the burden of being with an alcoholic spouse. Maybe some can do it but I can't and refuse to be a caretaker the rest of my life. I should have realized the seriousness of the situation long ago, but I was too naive back then. There is no history of alcohol or substance abuse in my family so I didn't realize how difficult it could be. I figured she would grow out of it.


You should not be a caretaker. That only enables the alcoholic. You set your boundary, now let her live up to her promise or bottom out. That is the best way for her to learn to rely on herself, not the alcohol. 

10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Good luck.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> really? Ever try working at a daycare full time? Ever try being an emergency room doctor? How about a full time nurse in the pediatric cancer ward?


All of those jobs have breaks built in, resources available for stress, vacation time, co-workers to vent to etc. Being a fulltime mother is the hardest job on earth. It has the highest rate of burnout and exhaustion followed by caring for a sick parent. It is 24/7 and you work for nothing. Moms rarely ask for what is needed to relieve their stress.

It's sad that you disagree. This might be why it's hard for caretakers to ask for their needs to be met. Most people view moms as nothing more than babysitters.

Oh and yes I have worked full time in a daycare....


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

FemBot said:


> All of those jobs have breaks built in, resources available for stress, vacation time, co-workers to vent to etc. Being a fulltime mother is the hardest job on earth. It has the highest rate of burnout and exhaustion followed by caring for a sick parent. It is 24/7 and you work for nothing. Moms rarely ask for what is needed to relieve their stress.Perhaps daycare workers get breaks.I can assure you most medical professionals don't get more than a 30 minute breather during their shifts.As far as vacation...you spend it taking care of your kids.Coworkers are usually a huge source of stress for most people and resources at most jobs are severely lacking. You're obviously VERY biased toward SAHM's being the bees knees.I don't look down on them but I'm not ignorant enough to run around saying they've got the toughest job on Earth.
> 
> Most people view moms as nothing more than babysitters.Actually I have NEVER said this or even implied this.I DO have issues with SAHM's who think they've got it harder than the rest of us have it.It's obnoxious and close minded and disrespectful.I think there are pros and cons to both lifestyles but don't necessarily feel high enough on my own horse to say which is tougher.There really is no way of knowing 100% for sure who has it tougher so the blanket statements suck.
> 
> Oh and yes I have worked full time in a daycare....of course you have.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

FemBot said:


> All of those jobs have breaks built in, resources available for stress, vacation time, co-workers to vent to etc. Being a fulltime mother is the hardest job on earth. It has the highest rate of burnout and exhaustion followed by caring for a sick parent. It is 24/7 and you work for nothing. Moms rarely ask for what is needed to relieve their stress.
> 
> It's sad that you disagree. This might be why it's hard for caretakers to ask for their needs to be met. Most people view moms as nothing more than babysitters.
> 
> Oh and yes I have worked full time in a daycare....


So you seriously think that being a SAHM is harder than being a mom out in the workforce? Wow.

FYI I would say the same to someone coming across as you are about being a working mom over a SAHM.

Being a MOM is hard. Period. Whether you work outside the home or not. So is being a dad. Christ, being a HUMAN is hard all around I would say. Trying to belittle others and make them feel inferior because they don't do things the same way you do is just.......................sad.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> S
> 
> Being a MOM is hard. Period. Whether you work outside the home or not. So is being a dad. Christ, being a HUMAN is hard all around I would say. Trying to belittle others and make them feel inferior because they don't do things the same way you do is just.......................sad.


:iagree:


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Hicks said:


> Here's my thought. You should be reliabliy home on time every day, and if 4:00 is doable and your job will not suffer, then you should do it.
> 
> I don't think "I'm not a morning person" is an excuse for anything for a grown man who is a husband and a father. Do children care about whether their parent is a morning person or an night person? Thier needs are immediate, non flexable and occur at all times.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> So you seriously think that being a SAHM is harder than being a mom out in the workforce? Wow.
> 
> FYI I would say the same to someone coming across as you are about being a working mom over a SAHM.
> 
> Being a MOM is hard. Period. Whether you work outside the home or not. So is being a dad. Christ, being a HUMAN is hard all around I would say. Trying to belittle others and make them feel inferior because they don't do things the same way you do is just.......................sad.



Built-in breaks, resources for stress. lol. Not in Corporate America, not for any working mom I know. I agree that being a SAHM is hard, but not as hard as working. I think the people who claim this need yo try being in the workforce these days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't think the OP has even scratched the surface of appropriate help for himself or his family.

Maybe your wife wants you home on the dot so she knows your not out looking for the next Mrs. OP. Your other thread talked about you having told your wife you wanted out and her promising to do whatever she can to make it work, but you have already checked out.

Here's what you HAVEN'T DONE to make your family work:
1. You haven't gone to Alanon.
2. You haven't insisted your wife join AA.
3. You haven't given therapy a decent shot.
4. You haven't given MC a decent shot.
5. Yo haven't given your marriage a decent shot.
6. You think your son is better behaved with you than with his Mom...but you resent having to be home at 4 on the dot. Hmmm that makes me think it's not really about your son, but about you.

You haven't worked at your marriage, but remained aloof and laid down some magical boundary that's supposed to fix everything.

I don't now why I bother...you're going to do whatever makes you happy anyway and everyone else be damned.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

OP, I'm having a hard time understanding how you leave your child with a stressed out alcoholic who stresses out even more when taking care of your son, and whom you say can sometimes be a "basket case". Would you let anyone else who fit that description care for your child? How do you know she isn't going to have a meltdown one day, and how do you know your child won't suffer for it? Aren't you afraid of what might happen? 

Growing up as the child of an alcoholic is no joke. Put your son first in all this.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

There is no way I could be home at the same time every day. I just can't. I can be home roughly the same time on the majority of days but things are just too chaotic to set my watch to it. I work in IT in an office ... systems go down, problems happen, important people call meetings for 4:00pm. 

I would also view it as a career killer; if I look around the office, those who are reliably gone at that time are not those on the upward track. A lesson that I've learned is that availability is as important as anything, no matter how good you are at what you do. It is a two way street ... the same can be said for a relationship. Reliability and availability are pretty much required for a sound relationship with few exceptions. If you want both then the trick is to find the right balance without sacrificing much on either side. For that, you do need to have just a little flexibility and understanding from your wife.

Even today, I left a little earlier than I would normally, and arrived 20 minutes later than I had planned. A major intersection was completely closed off and the police rerouting traffic. You could see a sea of blue and red lights in the distance from all the fire trucks and police cars. Stuff happens.

I'm wondering what kind of place you work at? If you are at a place where you are on the clock or work shifts, then you can have more predictability on your schedule. I don't know of many offices with a salaried position where you can leave early enough to be home at 4:00pm every single day.

All that said, this has little to do with your reliability and much to do with your wife. No doubt from what I'm reading here, she has some real problems. If you were home at 4:00pm every day like clockwork, would that really solve anything? She'll simply find something else she's unhappy with.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

FemBot said:


> Put your foot down and sign your kid up for daycare. She sounds stressed and your son shouldn't be around that especially if its leading to drinking.
> 
> I was/am in a similar situation. Took care of my daughter all day and was done by 4 pm. Luckily my husband was willing to come home at that time and called if he needed to be late for whatever reason. There isn't a job on earth that is as demanding and tiring as being at home with kids. My H would come home, i'd get a break for an hour and then I was refreshed enough to be with the family again and cook dinner. Caregiving has the highest rate of burnout and you really should make sure your wife is being taken care of. If that means daycare a few days a week then do it!


I'm sure glad my wife likes our son. Done by four? Smh...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

That's not normal behavior and I find this to be a bit controlling.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> I've been trying to get her back to work but she won't take a job where she can't bring our son with her. It's baffling--she is so stressed after watching him all day yet won't make a change to allow herself some time away to relieve some stress. She's thinking of babysitting other peoples children at our house for some additional income, which could make her even more stressed! My wife's mood definitely affects my son's. She's even admitted that. I've noticed my son is more well behaved when he's just with me because I am more relaxed.


In no circumstances should you allow this to happen. It's unfortunate enough that your W's stress levels are affecting your own child, without it being inflicted on other children.

From what I've read here, IMO, your W is in need of counseling for both her drinking issues and stress management. You have a right to insist on this for your child's sake, as well as your own.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

I can understand your wife's frustration, but it is unreasonable to expect her husband to be home at the exact same time each day. Things happen. Sometimes you get stuck on the phone longer than expected. Sometimes you run into a colleague that you really needed to talk to just as you're walking out of the door.

I'm a SAHM who works part-time at home. I admit that I'm very ready after never-ending fights and tantrums to take a break. When you have dinner ready, it can get frustrating when the clock keeps ticking by and you don't get a much-needed break. However, it's just the way it is sometimes. I DO very much appreciate it when my husband calls to let me know he is running late. 

OP, your wife needs to find some a way to manage stress that works for her. Does she have some supportive friends? It really helps me to get out of the house sometimes. You also should make sure that she knows you appreciate what she does. Best wishes.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Here's my thought. You should be reliabliy home on time every day, and if 4:00 is doable and your job will not suffer, then you should do it.
> 
> I don't think "I'm not a morning person" is an excuse for anything for a grown man who is a husband and a father. Do children care about whether their parent is a morning person or an night person? Thier needs are immediate, non flexable and occur at all times.
> 
> ...


I agree with most of this post--especially the parts about motivation and encouragement. However, I still think it will be difficult to have an "exact" time to expect her husband home. That's just setting yourself up for frustration. A better option would be to have some leeway. For example, my husband is "supposed" to be home by 4:30 but this sometimes doesn't happen. Most days, I know he will be home by 5:30 at the latest so I'm not annoyed if the clock keeps ticking and he hasn't walked through the door yet.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

OP, you haven't answered why she drinks? 

You say in another thread you were never in love with her. 

Could it be she has known this and drinking is her way to treat her pain?

Did you treat her as your wife and lover or just friends?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

FemBot said:


> There isn't a job on earth that is as demanding and tiring as being at home with kids.


Jesus what self-serving crap. 

You can't have a reasonable discussion with the self-proclaimed world's number one martyr.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

FemBot said:


> Put your foot down and sign your kid up for daycare. She sounds stressed and your son shouldn't be around that especially if its leading to drinking.
> 
> I was/am in a similar situation. Took care of my daughter all day and was done by 4 pm. Luckily my husband was willing to come home at that time and called if he needed to be late for whatever reason. There isn't a job on earth that is as demanding and tiring as being at home with kids. My H would come home, i'd get a break for an hour and then I was refreshed enough to be with the family again and cook dinner. Caregiving has the highest rate of burnout and you really should make sure your wife is being taken care of. If that means daycare a few days a week then do it!


Ummmm. With all due respect. No. This is absurd.

Taking care of her son is not leading her to drinking.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

FemBot said:


> All of those jobs have breaks built in, resources available for stress, vacation time, co-workers to vent to etc. Being a fulltime mother is the hardest job on earth. It has the highest rate of burnout and exhaustion followed by caring for a sick parent. It is 24/7 and you work for nothing. Moms rarely ask for what is needed to relieve their stress.
> 
> It's sad that you disagree. This might be why it's hard for caretakers to ask for their needs to be met. Most people view moms as nothing more than babysitters.
> 
> Oh and yes I have worked full time in a daycare....


Sorry, these days many people do not get to take vacation. 65 to 80 weeks are common for many folks.

You seem to have an agenda. Like I say, being a good mother is indeed a good amount of work. But it is absurd to say it is tougher than anything else. Perhaps this child has sprecial needs. Basically if this is so horrible then do not have children.

I am quite familiar with care giving and daycares. There are tougher jobs. That pay a lot more money.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

So he is the soul provider for the family? These days how do you do that without working long hours? 

Sometimes I could be home in 45 minutes and sometimes it is 3 hours. It depends on traffic. It also depends on whether I have to work late or not.
Then there is travel.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> So he is the soul provider for the family? These days how do you do that without working long hours?
> 
> Sometimes I could be home in 45 minutes and sometimes it is 3 hours. It depends on traffic. It also depends on whether I have to work late or not.
> Then there is travel.


Also, unless she's ill, I don't think it's reasonable for a SAHM to expect her H to come home from work and go straight into childcare mode.

I know what it's like to be a SAHM, and I know what it's like to simultaneously suffer from depression and stress, too. As helpful as my ex-H was around the home, I didn't expect him to be on childcare duty until after dinner and on weekends...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

FemBot said:


> There isn't a job on earth that is as demanding and tiring as being at home with kids.


This I have a hard time understanding. Now, I will agree it isn't an easy job. I think it is a lot more difficult when the kids are very young and completely dependent on the parent but once they get to a certain age, especially when they are old enough to go to pre-school, I just can't agree that it is more demanding than a lot of jobs. It's not like I haven't had to play Mr. Mom every once in a while.

It also depends on how much a person does around the house. My wife did nothing around the house. When the kids were very young, I went to work full-time in a high-stress job (where I also manage adults who sometimes act like kids), I did the grocery shopping, finances, cleaned the house, the laundry, etc. When was home, the kids were usually my responsibility and I was the one who put them to bed. Now my girls are 8 and 11 and they are pretty easy. I handle the morning routine but really aside from making sure they stay on schedule and making breakfast, they are pretty self-sufficient. They are in school most of the day and when they come home it's homework and their activities.

No, I think the difficulty of being a SAH parent is the lack of adult interaction. Sheer lack of mental stimulation. My wife frequently arranged play-dates and other activities that would keep the kids entertained and allow for adult interaction. Nap time was her down time. I know a lot of women who after attempting the SAHM job for awhile, decided to reenter the workforce ... not because being a SAHM was difficult or going to work was easier ... but because they just weren't being challenged like they are used to.

I just don't buy the argument that there is nothing more difficult than being a SAHM. I would never say it isn't work or that it doesn't have it's own challenges but come on now.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, STBXW also got pissed if she was made to wait considering she timed her horrid cooking on the dot with my arrival each day. Fair enough as the food gets cold, then again it wouldn't have tasted any different but meh... normally requires a good reason for my lateness and even then she wouldn't be happy about it especially when she also would have to deal with my daughter acting up because daddy wasn't home yet.

I did SMS or call if I was going to be late as to not stand her up, something I maintained even before marriage as I like to be reliable. Do you do that?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I do not think being a sahm is a difficult job at all and I have 3 children with my first born very defiant at a young age until adulthood. It even became more of a challenge after I broke my neck and became disabled. Working full time and coming home to children is much more difficult then being a sahm. My husband and I have many rules, a structure in our home and our children are always in sports and activities. I enjoy being a sahm and I try my best to make sure my husband comes home to a happy household for the last 11 years. I know it's not easy, especially living with the disability and severe pain, but I try my darnedest to have a warm dinner for my husband and the kids taken care of and the house clean. My husband works especially hard to support us and my hobbies. He always comes home happy even after a really stressful day at work. Often he will pick up part time work on the side and he has his hobbies too. His job right now is much more demanding and often he's up to 3 hours late. Plus the last 5 years he's had to help me more since I'm limited physically. My husband will also take time just to spend with me for one on one time. 

When I was working, I always felt it was my job finding daycare and getting the kids ready and picking them up. Maybe it was because I was a single parent for 5-6 years and I did everything myself. Before that I was the breadwinner in my first marriage and raising a baby. My ex h wanted nothing to do with my first born. 

If I would of worked part time and my husband wasn't home, I'd find someone to watch the children, even if it's just an hour or two. To think of it, being a single parent was the most difficult. I was working, going to college and raising her as much as I could. I had family watch my child the nights I went to school. This was after a full days work. I was trying to make a better life for us and ultimately I did.

I still think the OP's wife is a bit controlling demanding her husband being home on the dot at 4pm. I personally never demand anything from my husband, nor does he demand anything from me. I lived the life of being demanded upon with my ex h and I hated it. I find it disrespectful. I like a peaceful home and peaceful life. Just my thought on this.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Purely on the time issue, I like hubz to be back on time. I am a SAHM with four children. By the time it gets to teatime, I am knackered, the kids are tiredand want daddy, and I'm breaking up what feels like the 100th fight since school finished, and cleaning up the latest mess. Whilst trying to help the older two with homework and cook dinner. Quite literally all at the same time. I love my children and I love being able to be at home with them but when it gets to that time of day, I can't tell you how relieved I am when hubz gets back and can share some of it.

I get annoyed because hubz routinely is late back. And it's not traffic or the nature of his job - he is simply a dawdler. He often finishes early on a Friday but we rarely if ever see him earlier. He'll let slip at some random point he got out of work early and it'll be the first I'll have known about it.

I don't mind a courtesy phone call or text to say he's going to be late for whatever reason. It's the complete lack of forethought that's just rude.

Maybe your wife feels similarly OP?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

FemBot said:


> Being a fulltime mother is the hardest job on earth.


:rofl:

Yeah sure it is.

Still laughing


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> Also, unless she's ill, I don't think it's reasonable for a SAHM to expect her H to come home from work and go straight into childcare mode.
> 
> I know what it's like to be a SAHM, and I know what it's like to simultaneously suffer from depression and stress, too. As helpful as my ex-H was around the home, I didn't expect him to be on childcare duty until after dinner and on weekends...


Agreed. The husband needs to do his share. But he is holding down a job. Also staying out late and drinking is stressful. When does she sleep? 

And basically the husband is the caretaker from 4pm until the next morning when he has to go to work. 

I could very much see her not wanting him to stop off at the pub on the way home after work. But this was never inferred.

She is leading a separate life from her husband.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I do not think being a sahm is a difficult job at all and I have 3 children with my first born very defiant at a young age until adulthood. It even became more of a challenge after I broke my neck and became disabled.


It was humbling to read that. Made me feel unworthy.

It's the The Holy Grail.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

> There isn't a job on earth that is as demanding and tiring as being at home with kids.


Oh, I don't know. My husband is out fighting brush fires today. In 90 to 100 degree heat. I think being a SAHM is easy, (I am one, BTW).


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Yes, my stbxw was this way - because she was worried I was cheating. Turns out it was she who was the cheater. Be cautious - such paranoia is often projection.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I leaned towards cheating too, but I don't think that's it. 

I wanna guess she's wanting OP to be home at 4pm on the dot so she can slip away for a drink. If she's got a drinking problem and she knows she can't drink without getting drunk then she's going to babysit sober... and be just itching for a drink the whole time. She's just waiting for her husband to take control so she can get her fix. 

Her actions ARE controlling, but they just strike me as a functional alcoholic and less like a cheater. A cheater wouldn't be calling to make sure you're home on time... A cheater would be calling to make sure you didn't come home and catch them cheating.


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