# What is the best thing to do????



## TheRobber (Jun 16, 2012)

Two Months ago my wife said she wanted a separation. At that point I was shocked, I suggested we work it out. We did and for those two months things were just "ok" Not alot of affection but no arguments. Last week after a rough weekend she said we need to separate. We talked about it and she brought things up from 10 years past. By the way we have been married for 19 years and have two boys ages 15 and 11. She said she doesn't love me anymore. I suggested Consoling and she said it was too late. After much discussion I said I would leave but on the condition that we go to a consoler. At that point she agreed and we have an appointment set up for later this week.We have talked since then and I have had interaction with the kids. Yesterday I was at the house and we had a cookout. My wife and I discussed the issues and after talking to her, she wants this to work but her fear is that even after Being apart and consoling she will still feel the same. I have been doing a lot of reading into what is going on. I truly believe we have allowed our selves to fall out of love even though I know I still love her. So long story short, We are still cordial to each other, we are talking and texting with no problems and we are working with the kids through this. Tonight we are going to a school function together without problem. I have full access to our house, in fact, I'm here now to do a little maintenance and she was fine with that. I want to hold her and more then anything come back home.When I do hug her,when I leave she pulls away and gives me the friend hug. My overall question is; how should I interact with her during this time? When we first started dating I would always give her cards and candy and things. Do I continue to tell her I love her and go back to the days of early on or do I need to give her more space? I'm currently staying only a short distance away. My kids have contact with me anytime they want. Last week I had flowers delivered to her office and she seemed to like that, I wrote out a card with my feeling over the weekend and we talked about it. BUT....What should I be doing on the sidelines now to help this along?


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

TheRobber said:


> Two Months ago my wife said she wanted a separation. At that point I was shocked, I suggested we work it out. We did and for those two months things were just "ok" Not alot of affection but no arguments. Last week after a rough weekend she said we need to separate. We talked about it and she brought things up from 10 years past. By the way we have been married for 19 years and have two boys ages 15 and 11. She said she doesn't love me anymore. I suggested Consoling and she said it was too late. After much discussion I said I would leave but on the condition that we go to a consoler. At that point she agreed. We have talked since then and I have had interaction with the kids. Yesterday I was at the house and we had a cookout. My wife and I discussed the issues and after talking to her, she wants this to work but her fear is that even after Being apart and consoling she will still feel the same. I have been doing a lot of reading into what is going on. I truly believe we have allowed our selves to fall out of love even though I certain we still love each other. So long story short, We are still cordial to each other, we are talking and texting with no problems and we are working with the kids through this. Tonight we are going to a school function together without problem. I have full access to our house, in fact, I'm here now to do a little maintenance and she was fine with that. I want to hold her and more then anything come back home.When I do hug here when I leave she pulls away and gives me the friend hug. My overall question is; how should I interact with her during this time?When we first started dating I would always give her cards and candy and things. Do I continue to tell her I love her or do I need to give her more space? I'm currently staying only a short distance away. My kids have contact with me anytime they want. Last week I had flowers delivered to her office and she seemed to like that, I wrote out a card with my feeling over the weekend and we talked about it. BUT....What should I be doing on the sidelines now to help this along?


Stop hugging her and telling you that you love her. Give her space. What you are doing now is pushing her away.

Do the 180 and work on yourself.


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## TheRobber (Jun 16, 2012)

where do I find information on the "180"?


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

TheRobber said:


> where do I find information on the "180"?


The Healing Heart: The 180


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## izzy123 (Aug 23, 2012)

spun said:


> Stop hugging her and telling you that you love her. Give her space. What you are doing now is pushing her away.
> 
> Do the 180 and work on yourself.


Sounds like sound advice. Also check out "Wife Wants Out" by Michelle W. Davis


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

spun said:


> Stop hugging her and telling you that you love her. Give her space. What you are doing now is pushing her away.
> 
> Do the 180 and work on yourself.


:iagree:








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