# Question for the extremely depressed



## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Please dig deep and share your feelings here. I am looking for answers, trying to find solutions is impossible.

My question is, do people with horrible clinical depression who are getting no help and no drugs have the ability to love? Do they wish they were alone? Everything I do aggravates him, my music is too loud, the dog barking, my asking him to hug me. The only time he tells me he loves me is when he is going to get his rum because his alcoholism has been a huge problem in our marriage for years. 

I am not asking for advice to help my marriage. I am in counselling, on anti-anxiety drugs (I have GAD) and I know the deal. I am asking depressed people to dig deep and share their feelings with me. When you are depressed do you want to be alone? Did you fall out of love with your spouse? Did your spouse fall out of love with you? 

Do you notice your spouse's sadness or are you so wrapped up in your own misery you notice nothing? Do you wish your spouse would stop begging for affection and love? Do you feel pressure to get better to make your spouse happy, therefore, you harbor resentment towards them? 

Any of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences would be greatly appreciated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A person with sever clinical depression has problems doing anything but being self-absorbed.

Think of it this way… if you are in extreme physical pain, all you can think of is the pain. Well it’s the same with depression (mental pain).

Very often a person who is depressed does not see the way out of their misery. If they do it’s often does not dawn on them that they can get help until it’s gone on for a long time.

Why isn’t your husband getting any help for his depression?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I agree with EG! Most depressed people I know of, especially if they are as depressed as your husband seems, are usually so wrapped up in their own pain, and hurt they can't see how it might affect another person, and some do but just no longer care. I would say to, SOMETIMES if they don't love themselves, it would be hard to love another.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> A person with sever clinical depression has problems doing anything but being self-absorbed.
> 
> Think of it this way… if you are in extreme physical pain, all you can think of is the pain. Well it’s the same with depression (mental pain).
> 
> ...


Thank you for taking the time to answer. What you said about physical pain really makes sense since I am a big baby and cannot handle physical pain. 

My husband is an extreme alpha and he doesn't like to accept help from anyone. A few years ago, he did get on meds, he felt better but he complains about the money. However, he has enough money to buy cigarettes and booze every night. Add that up and we could buy a new house. 

Well, I am an alpha as well so I make his dr. appointments and try to make him go. He keeps pushing me away. Whenever I try to help him or tell him how his actions and neglect are hurting me deeply, he rolls his eyes at me and closes down. 

I'm his wife, not his mother, however, I have to behave like a mother and I hate it. Monday I am making him an appointment and he is going if it kills me. And the money thing? I have extreme anxiety disorder and am on meds. I sell all of my clothing, jewelry, etc. on Ebay so I can get the help I need. 

And get this, he thinks our marriage is great! He actually said that. If I killed him, would it be justifiable homicide?


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> I agree with EG! Most depressed people I know of, especially if they are as depressed as your husband seems, are usually so wrapped up in their own pain, and hurt they can't see how it might affect another person, and some do but just no longer care. I would say to, SOMETIMES if they don't love themselves, it would be hard to love another.


Excellent point CallaLily! I know he doesn't love himself by the way he acts and treats his body. How can I expect him to love me? Saying the words just doesn't cut it. 

I feel like a widow sometimes. I have a dog and parrots that I give my love and affection to. It helps. At this point, I am so resentful and neglected, if he tried to hug me or kiss me, I would back away. I am wounded from all this crap, and my best friend no longer exists.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

By the way CallaLily, I LOVE YOUR AVATAR!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

endlessgrief said:


> By the way CallaLily, I LOVE YOUR AVATAR!


See my note in your other thread on this. Depression psychosis with a flat affect doesn't feel anything. Not love, hate, anger, lust, hunger, nothing.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

I have had enough depressive episodes in my life to know that i will need to be on meds for life. I am also a therapist....ha! *sigh....well i put a lot into managing my depression so i actually want out and will do whatever it takes to get out of a depressive episode. IMO you are talking about a more complex situation here than just depression. To answer your question, no i dont not push my H away. But that doesnt Mean anything. I strongly suggest the following books...codepenDent no more by m. Beattie and all 4 volumes of getting them sober (title is a tad misleading).


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