# Am I so bad to be with?



## Andy26599 (Mar 16, 2012)

Hello everyone, myself and my wife are having a few problems at the moment, we've been arguing quite a bit recently, and she keeps threatening divorce.

We've been married for 3 years, and we have 2 wonderful boys, aged 2 and 13 weeks...

A bit of background...

She's self employed, and so is back at work already, which isn't helping matters. She's off Monday and Wednesday with the boys, and works Tuesday, Thursday and Friday afternoons, and Saturday all day. I work full time through the week. She also has another business which she works on in the evenings.

Arguments start over the stupidest things, she could be stressing out about the printer not working, or I've left a cup out or something, and then all of a sudden, it's world war 3, and things I did years ago get brought into it, how I don't show her any affection (even though when I do, she pushes me away) I don't support her emotionally, and I don't do enough around the house...

I get home from work about 5.30pm, I spend an hour with the eldest and then get him ready for bed and do the bedtime thing with him, then I come down and sort out dinner, then we get the baby fed and up to bed by about 8pm. By which time, I then tidy up the mess the boys have left, do the dishes and stuff while she works. This takes us to about 9pm. By which time, all I want to do is crash out and relax for a bit.

On a saturday, I have the boys, and I try to do some housework, the hoovering, the floors, and generally tidy up, but I want to spend my time when I'm not at work with my sons, not fobbing them off in front of the telly while I clean up for a couple of hours...when my wife is off on a Monday and a Wednesday, she at least gets to take them to a play area with her friends and their kids, I miss out on all that...

She's always moaning about things I've not done, I don't feel as though I've got a say in what I do, everything is on her terms. I just roll with it for an easy life, but at the moment, it's anything but easy. I'm in the wrong for everything and anything, just yesterday, the sink leaked a little into the cupboard below, she rang me up ranting at me that I should've sorted it by now (it's happened once before, a few weeks ago, but not since) and how I've ruined her day now. She lets things get to her so easily, and it blows up in to a major, major row, where she batters me with verbal abuse, and I try and proclaim my innocence, and then I just end up apologising, even if I don't think I've done anything wrong, just to try and calm the situation. this is happening daily now.

I've tried to talk to her about Postnatal depression, but she says it's me thats the problem, not the kids. She refuses to talk to her health visitor, saying it should be me who makes it better, but that I am incapable, and a waste of space as a husband.

I feel as though I am losing her, but I'm also losing myself. I don't go out anywhere, don't see my friends much, and I feel as though I'm an employee rather than a husband, except an employee wouldn't get spoken to like I do sometimes. Granted she's not out all the time either, but at least she gets to take the kids out and see her friends while she does it. I can't even sit down and watch the football for a couple of hours without getting abuse.

We don't have fun anymore, we don't go anywhere as a couple, we're literally just "mummy and daddy". We've not been intimate for a while now, mainly because of the pregnancy, and she now thinks that I don't find her attractive anymore as I don't inititate anything. The thing is, with a newborn baby, we're up and down all night, so one of us inevitably ends up falling asleep downstairs, so when we go to bed, it's usually to sleep. I do find my wife attractive, and I do want to be intimate, but when I do try and do little affectionate things, she reckons its "forced" and I'm only doing it because she told me to do it...

I'm not perfect by any stretch, I'm forgetful, and I'm like any bloke in that I just don't think about things the way she does.

But to get the abuse I sometimes get, and the threat of divorce every time we argue, is just bringing my confidence and self esteem right down, and I wonder now if she's right, that I am a waste of space, and I'm not a good husband, and she'd be better off without me...

I'm living a hell right now, that I can see ending in one way. Me, on my own, without my kids and my wife, which to me, is the worst thing I can ever envisage happening to me...as I love my family more than anything...

What can I do to rescue my marriage before I lose everything I hold dear?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I cant advise you what to do so not much help. My wife is also self employed and isnt much better maybe even worse. I cant help myself so unlikely to be able to help you. Just remember if she keeps threatening divorce one day she will do it. I took her up on her threat and in the end she backed down mainly because she only realised then that all her friends were on my side. They may have egged her on beforehand for the 'fun' of it but when it came to it no one wanted to be 'part' of it.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Sounds like wife is going thru very emotional moody (almost post departum depression). When she refuses to talk to health advisor, she's burring her head in the sand.

Need to sit down & talk with her calmly. Tell her your feelings about the housework, etc. You need to come up with lists of when & what each person is responsible for in chores. Make sure the lists look comparable & fair. Say that it is needed for sanity in the marriage. If she can't agree to both of you having set chores, set days to do dishes/laundry, etc. then tell her maybe you need a trial seperation.... since she's so gung ho on threatening divorce at each fight. (Make sure you're very calm when saying all this). Tell her how it hurts, that she does not talk thru things fairly with you & just screams "divorce" each time. (I have a feeling she says that , only because she knows you don't want it, not because she really does??) 

Tell her you try to hug or comfort her when she's upset, but obviously you're not meeting her needs. You need her to tell you how she wants it handled. Does she want you to leave & go for a walk when she's like that? Or would she rather have a hug? If so, then she's got to acknowledge it at the time, that you are trying to make her feel better.

It sounds like it will be very frustrating for a while, but, hang in there. With several calm, one on one discussions about: responsibilities, reactions, chores & showing emotions.. etc, You two can probably work things out after a while.

If in 2 months it's still the same, still fighting- I'd really suggest Marriage counseling. If she refuses, it might be time to think about packing the bags.

Oh, and you are NOT worthless as a husband. Sounds like she is feeling that she is worthless as a mother/work/wife (pick any that apply), and she is externalizing it onto you.


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## Andy26599 (Mar 16, 2012)

Thanks for your reply.

I get what you're saying, she';s threatening divorce in an attempt to get me to "buck my ideas up". I know she loves me, she does tell me. I think that things have just got on top of her...I've tried to lighten the load, but she's intensely proud and won't accept help lightly...

I'll be speaking to her at lunch today about stuff, because I can't go through another day like yesterday...sat at my desk at work, hiding tears because I think I've lost everything...

I want more than anything to make it work, because she is everything to me...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Tell her at the lunch about the tears. Tell her that it is tearing you up. Say that you two really really need a calm, sit down talk without the kids around (get a sitter)... and hash out the day to day chores.

It really sounds like that's not the core problem, but it is causing resentment. If you can hash out details & guidelines for day to day living chores/responsibilities... then It will leave you two open with a chance to talk about all the other (relationship) issues once a week together.


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## Andy26599 (Mar 16, 2012)

We had a good chat about things over lunch, my mum's got the boys this afternoon, and we've agreed that we both need to change in order to make things work better...

We're going out as a couple tomorrow, and we're going to make it a regular thing.

She's agreed that she stores up her emotions and they explode, and that I am in essence a verbal punching bag when they do come out, as I am generally the one who is there when something goes wrong, whether it's me that's caused it or not…in future, if she gets like that I'm just going to walk away and let her calm down rather than engaging her, as that generally brings me into the firing line...

Here's hoping things are looking up, because I can't go on feeling like a failure as a husband...


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> Sounds like wife is going thru very emotional moody (almost post departum depression). When she refuses to talk to health advisor, she's burring her head in the sand.
> 
> 
> If in 2 months it's still the same, still fighting- I'd really suggest Marriage counseling. If she refuses, it might be time to think about packing the bags.
> ...


Your wife needs to take responsibility for her anger and at least seek medical attention for possible postpartum depression. You sound like a wonderful husband and father, and if she refuses help/treatment, she won't like handling those 2 kids on her own without you there, and only THEN will she realize how good you are, and how good she has it. Postpartum is at least something to rule out......and go from there.

Postpartum depression symptoms:
Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Postpartum depression symptoms may include:
Loss of appetite
Insomnia
Intense irritability and anger
Overwhelming fatigue
Loss of interest in sex
Lack of joy in life
Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
Severe mood swing
Difficulty bonding with the baby
Withdrawal from family and friends
Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

There's no single cause for postpartum depression. Physical, emotional and lifestyle factors may all play a role.
Physical changes. After childbirth, a dramatic drop in hormones in your body (estrogen and progesterone) may contribute to postpartum depression. Other hormones produced by your thyroid gland also may drop sharply — which can leave you feeling tired, sluggish and depressed. Changes in your blood volume, blood pressure, immune system and metabolism can be further stresses that contribute to fatigue and mood swings.
Emotional factors. When you're sleep deprived and overwhelmed, you may have trouble handling even minor problems. You may be anxious about your ability to care for a newborn. You may feel less attractive or struggle with your sense of identity. You may feel that you've lost control over your life. Any of these factors can contribute to postpartum depression.
Lifestyle influences. Many lifestyle factors can lead to postpartum depression, including a demanding baby or older siblings, difficulty breast-feeding, exhaustion, financial problems, and lack of support from your partner or other loved ones.

Left untreated, postpartum depression can interfere with mother-child bonding and cause family problems. Children of mothers who have untreated postpartum depression are more likely to have behavioral problems, such as sleeping and eating difficulties, temper tantrums and hyperactivity. Delays in language development are more common as well.

Untreated postpartum depression can last up to a year or longer. Sometimes untreated postpartum depression becomes a chronic depressive disorder. Even when treated, postpartum depression increases a woman's risk of future episodes of major depression.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Andy26599 said:


> .....in future, if she gets like that I'm just going to walk away and let her calm down rather than engaging her, as that generally brings me into the firing line...
> 
> Here's hoping things are looking up, because I can't go on feeling like a failure as a husband...


I have done this with my Hubs on numerous occassions. Just walk away from him when he wants to bring up past issues, things from years ago even, and not engage him at all over it. He got the clue that I wasn't going to keep harping on the past, and he does not do that anymore either.

You far from a failure of a husband. Just keep that in the back of your mind. Most men would have said "f this" and walked already. You are doing the right thing by trying to stand by her through this and be there for your family.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Trying to work with babies is TOUGH. I'm home now but I once went back to work when I had a 13 week old and a 2 year old. Despite my best efforts my husband got the brunt of my frustration. I was fat, stressed, overwhelmed, had a demanding career and 2 babies to care for plus a house. I have had PPD and that wasn't my problem this time it was just superwoman syndrome. I was trying to do everything felt like a failure at it all. That's where your wife is at.

In a nutshell she's doing too much. Period end of story.


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## Andy26599 (Mar 16, 2012)

so after a ***** of light yesterday, last night was the worst night yet...

Almost a complete breakdown of our marriage...

We were getting on with things, and then she received an email from a client who is causing her a few problems, basically angling for compensation when it's not warranted...this email really upset her, and I tried to tell her not to worry, but she started sobbing uncontrollably, screaming like a banshee into a pillow, threw her phone at the wall, and then rounded on me again...

The upshot of this, in brief, is that 

1. She doesn't love me
2. We're not compatible because I don't know how to bring her up when she's down.
3. I'm a **** husband
4. I'm a **** dad who can't be trusted alone with my kids (wtf??)
5. Things with her ex were better, even though he was a waster with no ambition. At least she could rely on him for support.
6. I don't show her any affection.

I was understandably upset with this outburst, and she flew at me again, saying I was defeatist, and wallowing in my own pity, but how else am I expected to react when told the things she said to me?

I went out for a walk for an hour or so, hoping she'd calm down, but I got back and laid it all out for her...I want to make it work, I love her, I support her and I want her and only her. Her response..."whatever, I don't want it to work, I've had enough" 

We went to bed (in the same bed) but she was asleep when I got upstairs...I held her and cried myself to sleep. (I think she was awake, but pretended to be asleep).

This morning, we woke up, and I gave her a hug, she didn't push me away which I took as a good sign. She didn't apologise for anything though, but did say she'd just started on her first period since having the baby (her first in a year) but didn't use this as an excuse for her outburst last night...

I gave her a few hugs and kisses, and when she dropped me off at work this morning, I told her I loved her, and she said "Love you too".

I just don't know my arse from my elbow at the moment. One minute we're fine, then something happens that isn't even to do with anything I've done, and suddenly we're over, finished, I'm a waste of space, etc, etc...it's really draining me mentally, and I'm tired of feeling like this all the time...

I just don't know what to do...


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

She's checking things off her list. She got married. Check. She had kids. Check. Being a stable wife in a reality world wasn't part of her fairytale. Don't try to be her psychologist. She will resent your advice and won't listen to you anyway. Man up, for your own sake. Be loving and stay calm no matter what. Read up on love languages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You really need the book "Married Man Sex Life" . Also go here, you are losing your manhood and thus her respect. 

When she starts an arguement do not repond.

Go here and start reading:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I'm thinking maybe she might need you to take a more controlling stance? Sounds like she is losing control of herself (mind, emotions, life), and she is wanting a shining knight to swoop in, control everything, make all her perceived problems disappear. 

And then kill the knight that doesn't solve her problems the way SHE wants it done... without ever communicating her expectations.

She is far down enough in emotions that she cannot pull herself out of it. She is expecting you to make her feel better about everything (Not really fair. Especially since she refuses to talk to a doc about it.) She is not taking responsibility for herself. For her outbursts, for her depression. 

Sounds like she is expecting you to take responsibility for everything, and then when she doesn't feel great immediately- she blames you for everything. Don't let her do this.

Forget the waiting time. She needs counseling NOW. The going out together & trying to talk calmly about some problems might work, IF she was willing to participate. She is not (might say so, but really she is being inflexible about it.) Demand that she get some help from a doctor. There might be a short term med she can take to stabilize her mood/outbursts.

Demand it, then, walk away from any negative fight or complaining episode. If she screams that you always leave, tell her you are willing to stay and calmly talk about whats going on, or the problem, but once she is back to emotionally fighting, you will walk away. And then do it.

Well, that all sounds good in theory anyway. I think counseling for her would be a first step to a long road she needs to take.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

JustWaiting said:


> She's checking things off her list. She got married. Check. She had kids. Check. Being a stable wife in a reality world wasn't part of her fairytale. Don't try to be her psychologist. She will resent your advice and won't listen to you anyway. Man up, for your own sake. Be loving and stay calm no matter what. Read up on love languages.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And she dumping all her anger over the fact that her fantasy wasn't quite what she thought it would be on HIM.

It's true she isn't going to listen to a word you say and you can't fix her. She sounds miserable and the only one that can fix that is HER.

The best thing you can do is focus on yourself in this terrible situation.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi Andy ~

You sound like a nice guy - maybe a little too nice. 

Go take this assessment and see what your score is:

No More Mr. Nice Guy! - Take the No More Mr. Nice Guy! Self-Assessment

If you assess high - being a 'nice guy' who defers to others and in the process loses himself - then reading the following book may be helpful. It might start to enlighten you a bit:

http://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

The other thing is that you don't have to sit and take her verbal lashings. You don't have to lash back, but you can be calm, confident, and competent. Tell her when she gets in a fit of rage that until she calms down and is capable of talking together respectfully, you will take the boys out to the park, etc. and remove yourself from the situation. Lather/rinse/repeat.

Your wife does sound like she's totally overwhelmed. Does she truly want to work the hours that she does? Does she need to work all the hours that she does?

Has she always been one to fly off the handle? Has it gotten worse with the new baby?

She may need some help - whether that's medical attention for possible depression or anxiety - or whether that's pyschological attention for learning how to cope with stress.

Best wishes.


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## Medicman (Mar 23, 2012)

It seems to me that she is having post partum depression coupled with high stress. Now with the information that she is starting her cycle just adds the perfect storm. I myself just had an argument last night. My fiance was in a bad mood and had made little quips to me that were a little hateful. I blew it off because of her mood and nothing would be gained by saying anything at the time. Later she said something to me very hateful and I finally got upset. I got up and left to avoid the argument. She deemed it running away. Now she is not sure about us. I guess what I am saying is I empathize with you brother. I feel my relationship is worth fighting for and that's what I'm going to do. If you value yours and feel its worth it then you need to fight tooth and nail to keep it. No fight is without injury and heartache. If you cant take anymore then its time to get out. Good luck brother!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Screw her. Do a 180. Live for you and your boys. Stop caring. Tell her the days of you being a punching bag are over. She starts screaming at you. Don't say a word. Just walk away. She's miserable and wants you to be too. Don't give her the satisfaction. 

And I'm no leader. But SOMEONE has to deal with all of these women checking out of marriages. MINIMUM, we need to admit it's happening and do something about it.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Your wife needs to take responsibility for her anger and at least seek medical attention for possible postpartum depression. You sound like a wonderful husband and father, and if she refuses help/treatment, she won't like handling those 2 kids on her own without you there, and only THEN will she realize how good you are, and how good she has it. Postpartum is at least something to rule out......and go from there.
> 
> Postpartum depression symptoms:
> Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Postpartum depression symptoms may include:
> ...


:iagree:

Untreated Post-partum depression helped end my marriage. She's got to at least get checked to either fix it if she has it, or to rule it out.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

She may have a little bit of PPD BUT I know exactly what she is talking about, I am going thru it too. The stress of having a new baby is extreme and she is needing a partner. Seek counseling.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

I didn't read any of your responses, so please forgive if I repeat what has already been stated.

In cases of abuse, the only advice you should receive is to leave because that is the one and only solution. The only way to stop the abuse and relieve yourself of your abuser is to leave. As long as you stay, you will continually be abused. You are afraid of losing your family, but look at what this is doing to you and how awful she makes you feel. As long as you are there, she will not find any reason at all to control herself and treat you with any kind of respect. 

You are afraid to leave, but you have no choice. Get away from her to make her wake up and realize what she has done. Believe me, she also is afraid of losing you, while you are busy thinking you have no value to her. You think YOU are afraid? She will practically lose her mind with fear of losing you and her marriage. Be daring and stand up for yourself in the only real way that you can. All other efforts have failed, now you need to give her a reason to respect you again. Absolutely no woman on this earth respects a man who allows her to run over him like this, and that is why she does it. That is just the way women are. Given the opportunity, most people will be abusive to some degree. That is just the way people are. No one can give you any advice that will fix her because as long as you stay and put up with it, she will not change. 

*You have to leave to get her attention. 
*You have to leave to show her you are strong. 
*You have to leave for your own sanity, self esteem, and self respect. 
*You have to leave in order to save your marriage. 

Once you are gone, you will have earned yourself leverage in the relationship because you will have her attention and her respect again. That leverage will be your life saver, or rather your marriage saver, as it were. It is at that time you can demand marriage counseling. She will be willing (even though she will feign some resistance) to do "everything and anything" (your words) to get you back and keep her family intact. 

If I were you, I would even go so far as to demand she go into individual counseling. She needs it very badly because she needs to understand what she is doing and most importantly, why she is doing it. Mainly, she's doing it just because she can since you are there taking her crap every day. Like I said, people will be abusive just because they are able. So, she needs to learn how to get a grip on her life, her attitude, and her anger. She needs to learn there is price to pay. She has to examine why it is she criticizes and mistreats you so badly. She needs to see that you are the man she married, and you will never become some made-up person she manufactured in her head. No one could possibly live up to that. By leaving, you will bring her to her knees, and she will be open to anything because she does not want a divorce. You need to stop being afraid of losing her. She is more afraid than you can imagine. You just have to give her something to fear because right now, she is comfortable and fearless. She feels all powerful because you've given her too much power over you. You have given her ALL of YOUR power. You have take your power back if you want to save your marriage. You have no choice in the matter. Oh, yes you do. You can stay there and keep taking it and keep being afraid to be a man - the man she needs you to be - someone stronger than this wimp you have become.


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## Andy26599 (Mar 16, 2012)

So a quick update on this one...

Things settled down, and things got back to normal after the baby got a bit older, and we settled back into our own routine...

Now we've had another baby, and it's like going back in time...

Fed up to the back teeth with it all...


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Oh my... 3 children under the age of 4? Why would you do that?? How in the world can you give each child the individual attention they NEED and deserve when you two were already so stressed and maxed on time with just 2? 

Also, that means pregnancy took place 10 months or less since the last post. Did things really get that much better in that short amount of time that having another baby seemed ideal?

As for your wife, she is clearly over stressed and obviously needs help with time management. I don't mean from you. You take enough abuse from her, but from a professional. Is she still working 2 jobs? I'm raising 4 children with a 9 year stretch between the oldest and youngest, they are all in school, I am a SAHM with no responsibilities beyond household chores (of which my H still does a bunch) and child rearing and I'm often stressed! I can't imagine trying to work my butt off and raise 3 babies still so young! It sounds like you already do everything you can for her as far as helping with kids and household. It's not realistic to ask you to take over EVERYTHING every minute you are home... 

Sit her down. Ask her if she remembers this scenario from last year. Tell her that you are NOT going to just sit back and take her verbal and emotional abuse until she grows out of it again. She can either get help, or work out a visitation schedule with the kids between houses as you will not stick around in a home where you are not respected.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

It's pretty hard for anyone here to know whether you are actually pulling your weight chore-wise or not, whether you are actually trustworthy on getting things done or not. All I can say on that is strive to do better, we always can.

Your wife is probably exaggerating because she is overwhelmed. She is having trouble handling her life and all its demands, and she's focusing on you as the problem, which isn't exactly fair to you, you're just the easiest thing to blame. After all she can't be angry at her kids, and she can't tell her job to get less demanding, so you're the only thing left -- it must be your fault her life is hard. Well it isn't, but you can always try to make it easier. My experience of being two working parents is that both partners pretty much have to give it their all to make it work well, so it's always possible you can do better. 

If you tend to procrastinate things (the faucet?) and/or make excuses, that will reduce her trust in you. If you're actually a procrastinator, you need to come to recognize how your behavior affects the way she sees you and the confidence she feels in you.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I do think you might challenge her on some of those things she says, without flying off the handle. Push her to question whether her perception is really right.

"Wait a minute, I'm not a **** dad. Do you really honestly believe that? I spend as much time as I can with our kids and we have a great time together." etc.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Oh, ha, just realized those were old posts. Saw the update. Thought things might calm down when the baby got older, glad they did.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Andy26599 said:


> so after a ***** of light yesterday, last night was the worst night yet...
> 
> Almost a complete breakdown of our marriage...
> 
> ...


OP:
I read your update from today. so when she is under stress (children etc) she abuses you, emotionally. In this thread it is River1977 post that resonates most with me - in terms of what might be going on here.

she doesn't just yell at you - when she goes off she takes it way over the top...makes very nasty persoanl attacks on you. the more she can devalue you with her words the better (for her). later on, when she calms down, she CANNOT bring herself to apologize - as simple as that is for most of us. this doesn't sound like depresssion to me AT ALL. sounds more like who she is. She has an abusive personality. 

Sounds serious frankly; like some kind of personality disorder, the nasty kind. if she was a man (and you were a woman)......you would by now have been physically beaten a number of times, combined with the same kind of emotional abuse she is heaping on you now. i.e. she is no better than a physically abusive husband. Regardless, DO NOT accept this kind of verbal abuse from her. figure out what to do when she starts....e.g. walk away and don't return until the next day (are there cheap hotels or family nearby?). If you think this might endanger your kids, then take them with you. 

her abuse humiliates you, tears down your psyche and slef-concept. Be as tough as you have to be........but DO NOT tolerate her abuse, whatsoever. 

reread River1977 post for a strategy on how to proceed. not sure your marriage to her is worth saving, or if she is worth saving. Nonetheless protect yourself, protect your kids, and protect your role as their father, and protect your RIGHTS as their father.


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## marshmallow (Oct 15, 2013)

I would take a little time to do some research on postpartum depression and see if this correlates with your relationship with your wife. Did the same thing happen with your older son? Or has this been ongoing, even while she was pregnant?

She may be dealing with some issues of her own, and that's where the postpartum depression comes into play. It's a terrible thing that so many people don't recognize as an issue.

I'm not saying you aren't being abused; I'm only saying that there may be pressing issues as to why she's lashing out, and I believe that these issues are worth investigating.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Andy26599 said:


> I know she loves me, she does tell me.


Let me guess. You're young. Well, I'm old. My wife hates me. But she tells me she loves me all the time. The ladies will have to tell you how that works.




Andy26599 said:


> ...she is everything to me...


If we teach men ONE THING, it should be to not let THAT happen.

Please, please, please, please PLEASE will someone take this issue seriously and start telling men what to expect in marriages.

Sorry. I didn't read the whole thing. Didn't know it was old posts I was responding to. Funny. Now that I read your update, my post doesn't change A BIT.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

MrK said:


> Screw her. Do a 180. Live for you and your boys. Stop caring. Tell her the days of you being a punching bag are over. She starts screaming at you. Don't say a word. Just walk away. She's miserable and wants you to be too. Don't give her the satisfaction.
> 
> And I'm no leader. But SOMEONE has to deal with all of these women checking out of marriages. MINIMUM, we need to admit it's happening and do something about it.


Funny. I didn't see my own post from 1.5 years ago. At least I'm consistent.

Did you read up on the 180? That is your only hope. I'm guessing divorce is out of the question.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MrK said:


> Let me guess. You're young. Well, I'm old. My wife hates me. But she tells me she loves me all the time. The ladies will have to tell you how that works.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I am really curious to know if you and the op have read the book linked to below, MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER? It seems like as often as it is recommended here all the guys would have read it. But from ops remarks I am guessing he still hasn't and he is still being abused willingly. I do not understand this beta behavior.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Chaparral said:


> I am really curious to know if you and the op have read the book linked to below, MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER?


No. We're old. I've seen posts about it and wish it was required reading before marriage. But it's too late to help me now. She's gone. And nothing's gonna bring her back. 

She's gone.


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