# Is my husband crazy?



## callieisspooky (Jul 4, 2011)

I need advice please! My husband always has been weird about anything medical. For example, when I'm sick, he refuses to help me - once when I was sick with the flu, he didn't come in to check on me once, and around dinnertime he came in the room with a bowl of chicken soup and I thought, how nice! But, he sat on the end of the bed and ate it himself while watching TV. 

He is a somewhat normal, loving husband the rest of the time. So it baffles me.

What happened today is that my son, just turned 1, had a fall onto concrete (at that climbing age!) I panicked because I know a girl my son's age who died this week from a fall that was less serious than my son's, and I wanted to take him to the ER. However, we just moved and I didn't know if our insurance would cover my son at our local ER. I tried calling the hospital on the way to the ER, but my calls kept getting dropped due to poor reception, and my phone charger wasn't working so my phone was about to die anyway. I called my husband, told him about the fall, and asked him if he would call the hospital to find out if we would be covered, or if I needed to drive to a different hospital. 

His response is what baffles me. He said, no way am I going to do that! You can deal with this! I said, what if they say he needs 30k worth of tests and it ends up not being covered? Couldn't you just call to find out so that I and your 12-month-old son don't have to drive 1.5 hours to another ER? He flat out refused, and said, go ahead and take him to the local ER, if they charge us 30k they charge us 30k. I was so angry I hung up on him. I haven't talked to him since and he hasn't even called to find out if our son is OK (he is fortunately, though the doctors said I *definitely* did the right thing by bringing him in quickly!)

So I am vindicated by the ER doc, but I don't understand my husband's reaction. He didn't sound concerned, just cold and angry, the way he is any time one of our kids, or me, is hurt or sick. What is going on??? What should I do?

What can I say? I'm angry at your backwards ******* reaction to anything medically-related in our house? I want a divorce? I know he won't do counseling, he's refused many times and said he'd rather divorce than go. So if I want to stay married I have to accept him as he is even though it makes me angry and resentful and confused and sad. What would you do?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Maybe he's one of those guys that thinks everyone else's pain is about him? He might project his own need to "be a man" onto everyone else?


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## Dalayla (Jul 4, 2011)

Sweetie, you gotta make him talk about the nature of his attitude. It gotta be coming from something. But, generally, I think it's a big risk to live with someone like that, unless he changes, at least a bit. Someday you will need mroe support, and who is going to be next to you?!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's good that you know this about your husband.
My mother was this way. 
She could not recognize illness in any way in anyone other than herself, and can be a bit of a hypochrondriac and use illness and hospitalization to get attention (she's been on her 'death bed' several times, like a cat she has nine lives I think...I like to say she'll never die because then she won't have any way to get attention, she'll have used up that ploy. If she dies in her sleep I would imagine it might be disappointing for her to miss out on the drama...) She was traumatized at age 10 when her mother died suddenly. She also had other issues. In that she sees people as players in the drama of her life. OK, mom is a histrionic narcissist with paranoid and grandeur delusions. 

My H was the same way. But for different reasons. 

You probably want to figure out if your H has an aversion to mortality in general or if he is being cruel in general or if he has issues, such as objectifying you and not wanting to accept you when you are ill, because it would interfere with his ability to think of you sexually. 

Most men would be horrified if their child suffered a blow to the head. I once saw a doctor I babysat for swing his child upside down (I am sad because I showed him that the children liked this...but he did not grip by the ankles and allow the toddler to extend her legs fully rather further up the leg which allowed her to bend...) anyway she hit her head on the carpet and his reaction was one of being horrified and sickened. She was okay. He checked her immediately. But still, one would fully expect that when a parent learns a child has been injured, the response might be, get off the phone and take care of the child and go to the ER, I will make the call to the insurance company and also call the ER to explain the situation and let them know to expect you, are you sure you don't want me to call the local police or EMT just to be on the safe side to check out child immediately? Where are you is there anyone there with you who can help? 

His response is not exactly encouraging. But since he responded equally to both you and the child being injured/sick it's probably some general issue he has rather than you.

I would not ever leave the child alone with him and also I would make sure I had a friend who could help me with the child if I got sick. I've had neighbors and landlords and child care providers show more concern for me and my child than your H showed for you and his own child. Even a woman doctor who made a housecall because I was too sick to drive and couldn't afford the ER. (Yes she had a black bag and gave me a big shot of Compazine in the butt with a huge needle she pulled out of it. For extreme nausea and vomiting. She came back the next day and did the same thing. My downstairs neighbors took care of my toddler and the day care provider picked him up and my landlords brought me food when I was able to eat again.) 

If you are not getting the treatment from your H that I got from people I'd known less than 3 months, there are issues.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Maybe he's an incurable germophobe?


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Maybe he thought you over reacted. Afterall if the child had to go to the ER why think about how much it will cost. And why would you drive to an ER 1.5 hours away to save money in an emergency to save your childs life. In a true emergency you have very little time, you have to get to the ER NOW!!

If it is a life emergency one doesn't think of the cost you drive to the nearest hospital, damn the cost. 

I had to call an ambulance the end of May for my H. It was an emergency. Never did it enter my mind about cost, money, or insurance. All I knew is he had to go to the nearest hospital and now.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

That is definitely strange behavior. I wonder if you find him to be a "fair weather" dad...there when things are going well, not there when things are not going well.


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