# wife left me because of drinking



## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

I have been married for 2 years to a substance abuse counselor. She left me a month ago because she said i drank to much. i was drinking 6 beers an evening thursday through sunday. i did this for the past 2 years. she tried to make me stop but i said no you cannot tell me what to do. so she left. does this seem right? is this too much drinking? or just because she is an abuse counselor this makes me a problem drinker? i have taken on-line quizzes and visited an abuse counselor. all of them indicated i might have some red flags and maybe just cut back a little. that is not a problem. i have cut back to 3 beers on friday and saturday with a few non-alcoholic beers thrown in. i understand her point and took action. she has been gone for a month with little contact. do you think this is normal behavior? she does not want a divorce. she is very catholic. do you think that she is over thinking this and that because of her job she thinks the worse of people (he is an alcoholic and he needs to abstain before i come home!!!) ..even her husband?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Perhaps she feels like a failure. If shes a substance abuse counselor and she couldn't help you see the light maybe she feels she failed. After all it is her job to help people. 

Its true that NO one can make another person stop, it has to be up to the individual when they are ready. How much of her background do you know about? Did she grow up with a family member who drank? If shes a counselor then she knows the effects that alcohol can have on the people on the receiving end, which would be her. Just because shes a substance abuse counselor doesn't mean shes not human. 

Have you tried to contact her? Maybe her leaving is your consequence to see if you take what you're doing seriously. Cutting back is good, but quitting would be better, perhaps it is in her eyes.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Sell the house.
You don't walk out on your spouse because of their perceived "illness".


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

So you have only been drinking like this since you have been married? What was your drinking like before you were married? I was wondering if maybe she has seen more than you are sharing. How long were you with her before you got married? Sometimes people don't really know the person that they are with.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

6 beers an evening Thursday through Sunday. I would have a HUGE issue if my SO drank like that.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Also, you don't have to be a falling down drunk, a person who drinks every single night, or a person who bar hops until 2 or 3am to be considered a alcoholic or have a drinking problem. Drinking problems can come in many forms. Ever heard of binge drinking? Thats a problem as well and a form of alcoholism.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> she said i drank to much. i was drinking 6 beers an evening thursday through sunday. i did this for the past 2 years...*is this too much drinking?*


YES, it is.

Six beers is excessive.
6 beers, 4 nights in a row is excessive.
6 beers, 4 nights in a row, every week is excessive.
Doing it for 2 years is excessive. 

YOU have a drinking problem.



> i have cut back to 3 beers on friday and saturday with a few non-alcoholic beers thrown in


Anyone who *needs to drink *4 nights in a row, every week for 2 years has a drinking problem. 



> do you think that she is over thinking this


 NO!


> and that because of her job she thinks the worse of people (he is an alcoholic and he needs to abstain before i come home!!!) ..even her husband?


NO, I think she knows an alcoholic when she sees one, and she's seeing it in you.

If this hurts your feelings, so be it. You wanted the truth. I am NOT a substance abuse counselor, I am not your wife. Therefore, I have NO AX TO GRIND. Also, I do like to drink occasionally. In my opinion, YOU HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

I used to have my "night cap time". It was a stage i was going through where i drank a few shots of whiskey at night.
i think if my wife left me over it i would have let her go.
who needs such a shallow wife that has such conditional love?
If she is will leave you for drinking a little, what else will she leave you for?
i dont know if you have a problem or not. i dont think it is particuliarly excessive, but it is borderline perhaps? Only you know if you have a problem.
But i would say your wife definatley has a problem, if she will up and leave so quick. Personally, i couldnt date a counselor type. Their heads are just filled with things. i have a sister that used to be a counselor for the state working with problem families and teenagers. And while she was doing that her own family was falling apart and she couldnt even keep her own life in order. Thank God she grew up and found another job and got the programming out of her head. She was driving her husband nuts with the counseling b.s.
:scratchhead:


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

tivoli said:


> I have been married for 2 years to a substance abuse counselor. She left me a month ago because she said i drank to much. i was drinking 6 beers an evening thursday through sunday. i did this for the past 2 years. she tried to make me stop but i said no you cannot tell me what to do. so she left. does this seem right? is this too much drinking? or just because she is an abuse counselor this makes me a problem drinker? i have taken on-line quizzes and visited an abuse counselor. all of them indicated i might have some red flags and maybe just cut back a little. that is not a problem. i have cut back to 3 beers on friday and saturday with a few non-alcoholic beers thrown in. i understand her point and took action. she has been gone for a month with little contact. do you think this is normal behavior? she does not want a divorce. she is very catholic. do you think that she is over thinking this and that because of her job she thinks the worse of people (he is an alcoholic and he needs to abstain before i come home!!!) ..even her husband?


Does she want you to stop drinking completely?

If not, how much will she "allow?"

Did you have these same drinking habits/patterns before you married her?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

tivoli said:


> I have been married for 2 years to a substance abuse counselor. She left me a month ago because she said i drank to much. i was drinking 6 beers an evening thursday through sunday. i did this for the past 2 years. she tried to make me stop but i said no you cannot tell me what to do. so she left. does this seem right? is this too much drinking? or just because she is an abuse counselor this makes me a problem drinker? i have taken on-line quizzes and visited an abuse counselor. all of them indicated i might have some red flags and maybe just cut back a little. that is not a problem. i have cut back to 3 beers on friday and saturday with a few non-alcoholic beers thrown in. i understand her point and took action. she has been gone for a month with little contact. do you think this is normal behavior? she does not want a divorce. she is very catholic. do you think that she is over thinking this and that because of her job she thinks the worse of people (he is an alcoholic and he needs to abstain before i come home!!!) ..even her husband?


Yes, six beers an evening is a lot! 

People who have drinking problems often minimize their drinking. I know from personal experience. I had an uncle who was an alcoholic. For a while he was a functioning alcoholic who could hold a job, but eventually he was fired then he became the man who drank all day, was dependent on his wife's job. He eventually died of cirrhosis of the liver in his 50s. My husband isn't a drinker, but if he started drinking a lot, I would be very alert to it given my family background.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

It took me 28 years but I left my husband for drinking too. OK...maybe not so much the drinking as the way he treated me when he was drinking. His drinking consisted of 6 beers Monday thru Thursday and 12 to 18 Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Saturday and Sunday would see him cracking open a beer at 9:30 am.
Maybe I'm a ***** for not sticking with him through his "illness" until the day I died but his personality would transform into someone mean and spiteful after 6 or 8 beers...I just couldn't deal with it any longer. Getting him to admit he had a problem just wasn't going to happen.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Is she an ACOA? Your drinking may be a huge trigger for her. What are some of the red flags you speak of?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

If she is a substance abuse counselor then she knows how someone else's addictions can effect another person. There comes a time when the other person thats not drinking or doing drugs, must take care of themselves. Some can do that while still living with an addicted person, some can not and have to separate themselves from the situation. Addictions can be damaging to all involved. As a counselor she also knows that you "cutting back" isn't going to cut it. Most people with addictions need to stop altogether in order to get better. Other than your drinking how are some other areas in your relationship with her?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Good for you, Mrs. T! Sometimes it's all you can do to keep yourself and your spirit alive. An alcoholic has to save himself.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

yes i agree. thursday through sunday was alot. i realize that is why she left. but in a marriage people need to understand the other and attempt to move forward when issues arise. i have taken action on my pasrt and have been drinking 3 beers on friday and saturday. i am doing a controlled drinking approach which my counselor suggested. it is working fine and i am 100% on board with this. she said she will be back. she has issues of her own to address. beleive me she was not perfect. my only concern is that she is fine being away from me for now a whole month. i beleive she will be staying away fro another month. i have told her all of this but she said that she really has not missed me. i have missed her from day one. i feel like these are red flags for me. she is divorced once already. my wife passed away. i am not ready at this stage of my life to abstain. i like the taste too much and enjoy looking forward to a couple of hours enjoying a fine beer or 3 with some non-alcoholic mixed in. sometimes abuse counselors will make a huge deal out of a small one. if i am an alcoholic as you say then why am i happy as can be with drinking 2 or 3 non-alcoholic beers while watching the game and then going to bed? i understand my problem the past 2 years. i did not want to be controlled. nobody does.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

If she feels it's a problem then it is. Is it the amount? The frequency?
Are you a different person while drinking? She is asking you to make a choice...the rest is up to you.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Non-alcoholic beer doesn't cut it..you're still doing the same behavior. I also find it hard to believe a counselor would tell you to cut back or drink non-alcoholic beer etc. If anything, a good counselor would recommend that you get into rehab if you feel you can't quit on your own, not tell you to cut back. IMO, I doubt your wife will be back unless you either do a complete turn around and get help(cutting back isn't getting help) and if she address these issues you say she has. And even if that happens is no guarantee she will be back.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

tivoli said:


> yes i agree. thursday through sunday was alot. i realize that is why she left. but in a marriage people need to understand the other and attempt to move forward when issues arise. i have taken action on my pasrt and have been drinking 3 beers on friday and saturday. i am doing a controlled drinking approach which my counselor suggested. it is working fine and i am 100% on board with this. she said she will be back. she has issues of her own to address. beleive me she was not perfect. my only concern is that she is fine being away from me for now a whole month. i beleive she will be staying away fro another month. i have told her all of this but she said that she really has not missed me. i have missed her from day one. i feel like these are red flags for me. she is divorced once already. my wife passed away. i am not ready at this stage of my life to abstain. i like the taste too much and enjoy looking forward to a couple of hours enjoying a fine beer or 3 with some non-alcoholic mixed in. sometimes abuse counselors will make a huge deal out of a small one. if i am an alcoholic as you say then why am i happy as can be with drinking 2 or 3 non-alcoholic beers while watching the game and then going to bed? i understand my problem the past 2 years. i did not want to be controlled. nobody does.


sounds like she has the problem, not you. Sounds like she is twacked in the head. Especially from what you wrote here. Hey, i dunno. Like i said, from my experience i wouldnt date a counselor they have more problems up stairs than regular people from what i can tell. 
why are you seeing a counselor? Did she tell you, you had to?
My man, she is dragging you into that web with her. This is how people spend their entire lives going to counseling, revolving around antidepressants. It is a entire industry. Sounds like she is dragging you into that web. Get away now. :rofl:


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

bribrius said:


> Get away now. :rofl:


He doesn't have to, she got away from him. So maybe she did him a favor, or maybe she did herself one.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Do you love beer more than you love your wife?

Yes, I think the beer is excessive. But, in all honesty, She probably knew about this drinking habit before you married?? 

Yes.. then she thought she could change you. Leave her (AND get the addiction under control).

No.. then she's a fool for marrying someone whom she did not know fully. Leave her (And get the addiction under control.)

Just my humble opinion. Yes, either way, I'm saying I don't think this is the right lady for you.

Edit - And yes, I realize that you do not think it is an addiction problem. That's your choice. My husband has a friend who probably drinks as heavily as you. But he knows it. He always gets a designated driver (a lot of times my hubby).. but he is by no means even close to wanting to give up his beer.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

yes. she claims that she did not know this side of me. we never lived with each other. i agree that i need to cut back and am doing so with no problem. she has serious codependency problems and is trying to correct that. also she has issues with her previous marriage that ended in divorce 25 years ago. she was waiting for him to return for about 15 years. so there is alot for her to work on as well she never really told me that she loved me alot. always had a distant part to her. she always said this is normal. i am used to being with someone that really neds to other person. she disagrees. maybe we are just opposites and should not be with each other. so confused


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

tivoli said:


> yes. i agree that i need to cut back and am doing so with no problem.


Cutting back is not quitting, my guess is she wont be back. So if you want to "cut back" go ahead.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Not gonna argue with you, tivoli. You wanted opinions, you got 'em; you don't have to agree with 'em if you don't want.

If she told you for 2 years that you had a drinking problem and you didn't address it until AFTER she left, you can hardly throw it on her that "people need to attempt to move forward when issues arise." She DID attempt to move forward. YOU REFUSED TO DO ANYTHING about the situation until it made YOU uncomfortable (she left you).


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

tivoli said:


> yes i agree. thursday through sunday was alot. i realize that is why she left. but in a marriage people need to understand the other and attempt to move forward when issues arise. i have taken action on my pasrt and have been drinking 3 beers on friday and saturday. i am doing a controlled drinking approach which my counselor suggested. it is working fine and i am 100% on board with this. she said she will be back. she has issues of her own to address. beleive me she was not perfect. my only concern is that she is fine being away from me for now a whole month. i beleive she will be staying away fro another month. i have told her all of this but she said that she really has not missed me. i have missed her from day one. i feel like these are red flags for me. she is divorced once already. my wife passed away. i am not ready at this stage of my life to abstain. i like the taste too much and enjoy looking forward to a couple of hours enjoying a fine beer or 3 with some non-alcoholic mixed in. sometimes abuse counselors will make a huge deal out of a small one. if i am an alcoholic as you say then why am i happy as can be with drinking 2 or 3 non-alcoholic beers while watching the game and then going to bed? i understand my problem the past 2 years. i did not want to be controlled. nobody does.


Look - if you are only drinking 3 beers on a Fri. & Sat. night & your personality doesn't change drastically, there is nothing wrong with it unless you are an ex-alkie & are never supposed to drink again. 

People do drink wine with dinner, social drinking, not everybody is against drinking alcohol.

You haven't answered my question.

Does she want you to stop drinking or cut back?

Also, I see now she doesn't even miss you. Why not? You are her husband who she is supposed to love & respect.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

I have been with a man over twelve years who drinks your equivalent every night for the last seven years.

I just want to let you know how NOT FUN it is to have a partner that gets like that on a daily basis. Talking is a one way street because slurring starts. Can't play a game because he is wobbly. Watch TV, he passes out and starts to snore. Plays the music too loud. Forgets to lock up the house (a lot)! Sex? Unless you are as tipsy as he is and I am most often not at all....yuck.

Just a perspective I think you needed.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

that is what she said. she said that she did not miss me until a month into this. i know i have issues and need to resolve them and i am doing that. but i am not sure if a big red flag went up with this issue. during our marriage she never said that i was the best thing for her. she always told me that you have to make yourself happy. only then can the significant other just make happiness sweeter. i find that strange. i rely on her for my happiness. i am so much in love with her. she has said that she can only give me 80 percent of her heart because the other 20 percent is with her ex husband. she said there is nothing wrong with that. she also said in the 2 years that she does not love me as much as i love her. maybe all of this has something to do with why she could leave. i know i could never have left her. what do you think?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

tivoli said:


> that is what she said. she said that she did not miss me until a month into this. i know i have issues and need to resolve them and i am doing that. but i am not sure if a big red flag went up with this issue. during our marriage she never said that i was the best thing for her. she always told me that you have to make yourself happy. only then can the significant other just make happiness sweeter. i find that strange. i rely on her for my happiness. i am so much in love with her. she has said that she can only give me 80 percent of her heart because the other 20 percent is with her ex husband. she said there is nothing wrong with that. she also said in the 2 years that she does not love me as much as i love her. maybe all of this has something to do with why she could leave. i know i could never have left her. what do you think?


She's right; you are responsible for your own happiness. You sound needy & that is not attractive.

She's not over her ex. I have never heard of someone dividing their heart up in percentages. Then telling you that you love her more. Didn't know love & marriage was a contest.

FWIW I think she is bossy & controlling. Maybe you like that; IDK.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

thank you for listening. hopefully we can live happily into our 80's together. but this month of her leaving has been very helpful to me. i have discovered things about me. i am not needy but i guess i became that way with her. this has opened my eyes. i do not want to be alone. i can only hope she is dealing with her issues and comes back better. she has said that she will come back better. God help us both


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Some people can have a few drinks and five minutes later, they are like looking a rattlesnake in the eyes. Other folks can do the same and they will be hugging and hanging on everybody around them.
In any event, their behavior changes.
Bad habits are addictive for those who let them control them. It all rests between your ears. The same may be said for tobacco.
What you need to decide is if your lady is worth changing yourself.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

tivoli said:


> thank you for listening. hopefully we can live happily into our 80's together. but this month of her leaving has been very helpful to me. i have discovered things about me. i am not needy but i guess i became that way with her. this has opened my eyes. i do not want to be alone. i can only hope she is dealing with her issues and comes back better. she has said that she will come back better. God help us both


dude. she just told you that you get eighty percent. ME personally, i wont settle for under a hundred percent. :scratchhead:
you wife has a hangup. I dont quite understand what her issues are. But they are looking more like she has the issues.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

tivoli said:


> I have been married for 2 years to a substance abuse counselor. She left me a month ago because she said i drank to much. i was drinking 6 beers an evening thursday through sunday. i did this for the past 2 years. she tried to make me stop but i said no you cannot tell me what to do. so she left. does this seem right? is this too much drinking? or just because she is an abuse counselor this makes me a problem drinker? i have taken on-line quizzes and visited an abuse counselor. all of them indicated i might have some red flags and maybe just cut back a little. that is not a problem. i have cut back to 3 beers on friday and saturday with a few non-alcoholic beers thrown in. i understand her point and took action. she has been gone for a month with little contact. do you think this is normal behavior? she does not want a divorce. she is very catholic. do you think that she is over thinking this and that because of her job she thinks the worse of people (he is an alcoholic and he needs to abstain before i come home!!!) ..even her husband?


I'm also a former drug and alcohol counselor. I can say that when I was a D&A counselor, I had similar experiences to what your wife's going through with you. Is it possible that she's making it bigger than it is? Yes. However, she can only do that if there's something there to make bigger. 

When you say you've gone to an abuse counselor and taken online quizzes that they all say you should "cut back a little," my alarm bells start going off. You either do or don't meet the criteria for a diagnosis of alcohol abuse or alcohol dependence. 

The way you're writing it makes it sound like you're on that "slippery slope" between social drinking and dependence, and I can tell you that 18 beers a week is WAY past social drinking! You also say you're not "ready" to abstain. WTF? If eating pizza caused you these kinds of problems, you'd stop eating pizza. Unless, of course, you were addicted to it or completely stupid. I don't think you're stupid.

One study I was familiar with when I was actively counseling examined the amounts people drank when compared with how they met the criteria for dependence or abuse. Every single person who drank more than 15 ounces of alcohol a week also qualified as alcohol dependent. (One ounce is the approximate amount of alcohol in a 16-ounce can of beer.)

You both have severe codependency issues. You have made it clear that EVEN when she's making it clear that your drinking is such a big problem that she's willing to leave the marriage, you will continue to drink because A) not being controlled is so important that you won't let her influence you or B) you're protecting your addiction. If you say you let her influence you, then show it. Stop whining about her "controlling you" and put your marriage ahead of your "right" to drink.

On the other hand, maybe you're not "ready" to be a committed marriage partner because that means abstaining from letting your self-will hurt your relationship. In this case, let her go and move on. 

In any case, I think you would benefit from getting to some AA meetings - two or three times a week at first- and just listening for the first couple of weeks. As you get to know people and find someone who has at least a few years of sobriety, ask THEM to give you feedback about whether you may have a drinking problem or not. 

You may find Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on Love and Marriage helpful to understand how both of your behaviors influence your marriage.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

yeah i sound needy because i want to be with my wife and love her. i am so happy with her and sad without her. any woman would love to be so lucky. i wish she could just once come up to me and truly say...i am the luckiest woman in the world. i have known her for 10 years and have never heard that from her. it is sad


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

bribrius said:


> sounds like she has the problem, not you. Sounds like she is twacked in the head. Especially from what you wrote here. Hey, i dunno. Like i said, from my experience i wouldnt date a counselor they have more problems up stairs than regular people from what i can tell.
> why are you seeing a counselor? Did she tell you, you had to?
> My man, she is dragging you into that web with her. This is how people spend their entire lives going to counseling, revolving around antidepressants. It is a entire industry. Sounds like she is dragging you into that web. Get away now. :rofl:


Im a therapist. I disagree. In ANY job there are people that need to work on their issues. I work on my self and my marriage.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

most abuse counselors think people who drink are addicts. it is just natural. i look forward to the taste of beer. if i wanted to drink non-alcoholic beer every friday and saturday night there still would be a problem. i think alot of what is going on here is more than the drinking. she is very codependent. i am too only because i love her. i love my kids and do not need to be with them 24-7. this is a different love. she does not act that way and it hurts me. it seems like whenever i write something there always seems to be that she is right. i beleive that red flags are going off for her as well and she is in denial. you do not know me and have no clue what i am capable of doing. all you do is rely on all of your past patients just like she does. well not everyone fits into that category. i have been researching and it says that 4 beers a sitting is ok and no more than 14 a week. well that is no problem. but why would you beleive me?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

And addicts say "I don't have a problem... I can quit anytime I want..." etc. Or, they think that they are just fine if they 'try' to cut back a bit...


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

tivoli said:


> that is what she said. she said that she did not miss me until a month into this. i know i have issues and need to resolve them and i am doing that. but i am not sure if a big red flag went up with this issue. during our marriage she never said that i was the best thing for her. she always told me that you have to make yourself happy. only then can the significant other just make happiness sweeter. i find that strange. i rely on her for my happiness. i am so much in love with her. she has said that she can only give me 80 percent of her heart because the other 20 percent is with her ex husband. she said there is nothing wrong with that. she also said in the 2 years that she does not love me as much as i love her. maybe all of this has something to do with why she could leave. i know i could never have left her. what do you think?


This is beyond your drinking.

I was previously married and have two children from that marriage. While he was not the best of husbands, he is a good ex-husband and we have managed to co-raise our children like no other divorced couple I have ever met. We have spent almost every single holiday together with the kids since we split up and that is almost fourteen years ago. When he was broke, I paid his rent. When I lost my job, he covered my portion of the school clothes. When I broke a tooth once, he ran pain pills over to me in the middle of the night so I could get some relief. 

With all that said...there is not one small corner of my heart that belongs to him or that is unavailable to my husband because of him. I don't even get what that means.

If I were you, I would take a very big step back and start looking around. What has your relationship been like? What is her relationship with her ex? How do they co-parent? 

I am in no way trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill but there could be more to her leaving than just your drinking and it may have something to do with the ex she can't seem to get out of her heart. It could be something entirely different I just seem to think it has more than your drinking at the root of it.


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## smilinatu (Jan 9, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Im a therapist. I disagree. In ANY job there are people that need to work on their issues. I work on my self and my marriage.


What kind of therapy, Missymrs?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you did not have a problem, then cutting back to 1 drink/night would have been a simple and easy fix.

One drink a night is MODERATE drinking, not light drinking. It has its own risks but also has some benefits. But more than 1-2 (2 for a larger man) is HEAVY drinking.

You are drinking heavily and it will have an impact on your health. That alone would be reason NOT to drink so much. You turned it into a control issue--wow. Like, she doesn't know what she's talking about, when it is her job? When she knows, b/c it is her job, the actual impact of consuming so much alcohol daily? You insulted her in more ways than one.

Just b/c you are not a falling down drunk, it does not mean your drinking is "healthy." 

Now you can add to your reasons to take control, that it has cost you (potentially) your marriage. 

Maybe try being completely sober day after day after day and see how different life is. If you don't want to do that, you have a bigger problem than you realize.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

tivoli said:


> most abuse counselors think people who drink are addicts.


Most abuse counselors are trained to know if they are dealing with an addict or not. It also doesn't take a counselor to see when you post how many and how often one drinks if they have a problem or not. Its also quite common for people, who have addictions to justify and defend it anyway they can.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> If you did not have a problem, then cutting back to 1 drink/night would have been a simple and easy fix.
> 
> One drink a night is MODERATE drinking, not light drinking. It has its own risks but also has some benefits. But more than 1-2 (2 for a larger man) is HEAVY drinking.
> 
> ...


Well said, if I could "like" this twice I would.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Im a therapist. I disagree. In ANY job there are people that need to work on their issues. I work on my self and my marriage.


of course you disagree. You are a therapist. :scratchhead:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> Well said, if I could "like" this twice I would.


We'll just count each other's "likes" as our 2nd "likes"


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

tivoli said:


> most abuse counselors think people who drink are addicts. it is just natural. i look forward to the taste of beer. if i wanted to drink non-alcoholic beer every friday and saturday night there still would be a problem. i think alot of what is going on here is more than the drinking. she is very codependent. i am too only because i love her. i love my kids and do not need to be with them 24-7. this is a different love. she does not act that way and it hurts me. it seems like whenever i write something there always seems to be that she is right. i beleive that red flags are going off for her as well and she is in denial. you do not know me and have no clue what i am capable of doing. all you do is rely on all of your past patients just like she does. well not everyone fits into that category. i have been researching and it says that 4 beers a sitting is ok and no more than 14 a week. well that is no problem. but why would you beleive me?


with me the drinking varies. I tend to drink more beer in summer months. a couple a day after work, minimum. sometimes more. Weekends a few a day. Depends on what we are doing and if the wife wants me to drive.
Fall and spring i drink less, or non existant. i can go a month with no drink at all. wine for dinner occasionally with the wife, about it. winter i dont drink as much as summer, but once in a a while ill have a few shots of whiskey to warm the belly. once or twice a week, or even three or four times a week. This used to be a nightly ritual for me actually in the winter months. My "night cap" but i curbed it more with the little ones in the house. Put myself back in check a little.
And of course the occasional beer, when we go out to eat. A bass ale, or something. i drink mostly ales, dark beers.
i think the thing is, can you stop or limit yourself on your own. Or do you NEED the drink. Like the month i have none, usually a couple times a year. i really dont even think much about it. The summer, if i down six or seven on a hot weekend day, i really dont think much about it. Nor do i really care what other people think. 
But if you start to feel you NEED to drink. Well that is something else. Then you have a dependency issue.
And even that really isnt the end of the world. The world is full of people that drink heavily and still go through life and do fine. Hold jobs. They just, like to drink. If it effects your life (not this wife thing i told you my opinion on this above) to the point it is detrimental, as you die from alcohol poisoning, cant hold a job, or kill yourself drinking and driving or someone else then that is a problem. If you are just a somewhat dependent drinker, but not off the wall idiot about it, go through life and you are pretty content downing your fifth of scotch or so a week or a few more ales then you should then who really cares. We only live once. Have your drink. People dont like it then dont have to watch. 
Alot of people will say otherwise. But like in my case, i do pretty well for myself, support my wife and kids. Im pretty successful. I figure if i want to have a few drinks on a cold winter day of whiskey i really dont give a **** what anyone thinks.
But for example. i haven't had a drink in probably two weeks right now. we are going into fall. no whiskey it isnt very cold, the ale doesnt go down as good unless it is summer, not that i mind it but i dont really think of drinking much in the fall. And i havent been out to dinner with the wife in a couple weeks, so i havent had a drink at dinner. She had a glass of wine at home with dinner the other night, but i really didnt even think to have one myself. I actually had chocolate milk with the kids. LOL This is how you know you dont have a dependency i think. When you dont drink, but dont really think about the fact you arent drinking.
Really up to you.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

crap. now this thread has me thinking about a drink. I think im going to go see what i have in the fridge..:lol:

wonder how many other people read this thread and went and got a drink....


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

i agree...she left because she thought this was the best. it is all so strange to me. how can your spouse leave and not have any contact for a month. we had our wedding aniversary a week ago. i sent flowers and she called and said what a wonderful thing to get them. then she said that she tried to send a card but they were all too mushy. bad timing. are you serious? i have been attacked by her over the 2 years and i still have said mushy things to her over the past month. i luv her and want to be with her regardless. how can you not feel the mushy stuff to send a card. how about...i know this is hard and we will get through this. i miss you so much. this is hard on me too. we will be together again. but no nothing. these are red flags to me. i am sorry.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

tivoli said:


> i agree...she left because she thought this was the best. it is all so strange to me. how can your spouse leave and not have any contact for a month. we had our wedding aniversary a week ago. i sent flowers and she called and said what a wonderful thing to get them. then she said that she tried to send a card but they were all too mushy. bad timing. are you serious? i have been attacked by her over the 2 years and i still have said mushy things to her over the past month. i luv her and want to be with her regardless. how can you not feel the mushy stuff to send a card. how about...i know this is hard and we will get through this. i miss you so much. this is hard on me too. we will be together again. but no nothing. these are red flags to me. i am sorry.


maybe she is screwing someone else. And your drinking was her excuse to play the field. Perhaps you should be in the infidelity section???
Or maybe she is just so messed up in the head she cant love anyone.
hell. i dunno. it is your wife. you should ask her if she is off her rocker or what?????????????
in the mean time. since she has basically abandoned you, and totally dissed you on your anniversary and showed how shallow and strange she is. This doesnt exactly strike me as loving... What you gonna do? That is the question...


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

tivoli said:


> yeah i sound needy because i want to be with my wife and love her. i am so happy with her and sad without her. any woman would love to be so lucky. i wish she could just once come up to me and truly say...i am the luckiest woman in the world. i have known her for 10 years and have never heard that from her. it is sad


*I wouldn't hold your breath for her to feel lucky. Apparently, she doesn't feel lucky. She feels a need to escape! What would make her a lucky gal is if she had a husband who faced reality. You know in your heart that you have a problem and you're at the "wanting to want to quit" stage. The fact that you drink is now making you pay a very high price - giving up someone who means a lot to you - and yet, you insist on continuing to drink. There isn't any other way to say it: Alcohol is more important to you than your marriage. 

My first husband was a chronic alcoholic. He said many of the same exact things to me. I wasn't counseling yet at that point, but I was unhappy because of his broken promises, the late nights when I was left sitting at home, and so on. When I talked to him about his drinking, he used the same excuses, and I finally left. He said I hadn't given him enough of a chance, that I would never find someone like him again. Today, more than 20 years after I left him, he's dying because of his drinking. He has repeated the same scenario with the girlfriends he's had since and just keeps doing the same thing and thinking he'll get a different result. It breaks my heart that someone I once loved deeply has done so little with his life, but he was right about one thing: he had a right to drink. He proved it again and again, just as you're doing.

Soon, you'll find reasons to blame your wife and make the alcohol "disappear" from the problem. She'll be the one who caused problems, was crazy and demanding, etc. You'll forget that she's the one person who cared enough to confront you and face the discomfort of telling you what you needed to hear.*



tivoli said:


> most abuse counselors think people who drink are addicts. it is just natural. i look forward to the taste of beer. if i wanted to drink non-alcoholic beer every friday and saturday night there still would be a problem. i think alot of what is going on here is more than the drinking. she is very codependent. i am too only because i love her. i love my kids and do not need to be with them 24-7. this is a different love. she does not act that way and it hurts me. it seems like whenever i write something there always seems to be that she is right. i beleive that red flags are going off for her as well and she is in denial. you do not know me and have no clue what i am capable of doing. all you do is rely on all of your past patients just like she does. well not everyone fits into that category. i have been researching and it says that 4 beers a sitting is ok and no more than 14 a week. well that is no problem. but why would you beleive me?


*A minority of abuse counselors do think anyone that drinks has a problem, but it's certainly not "most" of them. I am a social drinker. I have 2-3 drinks a week when my husband and I play on our pool league and poker nights, which is two evenings of the week. One or two drinks is enough for either of us. We have alcohol in our home, but it's rarely opened. 

You said that you'd taken online quizzes. I don't know what quizzes you've taken, but I do know that the one at Alcohol Abuse Self Test is a well-recognized and validated test. Based PURELY on what you've said in this thread, it's clear to me that you would answer yes to at LEAST questions # 2, 5, 7, 8, 13, 14, 17, 18, and 24 if you answered honestly. 

Let's look at the scoring on that test: *

"A "no" is scored 0, and a "yes" is scored 1. The score above reflects the total number of questions that were answered “yes”. A score of 2 or more indicates that you may be at greater risk for alcoholism.


_"If you answered “yes” to between 2 and 8 questions, you should consider arranging a personal meeting with a professional who has experience in the evaluation of alcohol problems. You should consider contacting the NCADD affiliate office nearest to you. A representative will be happy to assist you in the scheduling of a professional evaluation.

If you answered “yes” to more than 8 questions, you may have a serious level of alcohol-related problems requiring immediate attention and possible treatment. You should seek professional guidance. You should consider contacting the NCADD affiliate office nearest to you. A representative will be happy to assist you in the scheduling of a professional evaluation."_

*Just within this thread, you've confirmed nine of these questions while defending your right to drink. I answered "no" to everything that had not been addressed in this thread.*


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> *I wouldn't hold your breath for her to feel lucky. Apparently, she doesn't feel lucky. She feels a need to escape! What would make her a lucky gal is if she had a husband who faced reality. You know in your heart that you have a problem and you're at the "wanting to want to quit" stage. The fact that you drink is now making you pay a very high price - giving up someone who means a lot to you - and yet, you insist on continuing to drink. There isn't any other way to say it: Alcohol is more important to you than your marriage.
> 
> My first husband was a chronic alcoholic. He said many of the same exact things to me. I wasn't counseling yet at that point, but I was unhappy because of his broken promises, the late nights when I was left sitting at home, and so on. When I talked to him about his drinking, he used the same excuses, and I finally left. He said I hadn't given him enough of a chance, that I would never find someone like him again. Today, more than 20 years after I left him, he's dying because of his drinking. He has repeated the same scenario with the girlfriends he's had since and just keeps doing the same thing and thinking he'll get a different result. It breaks my heart that someone I once loved deeply has done so little with his life, but he was right about one thing: he had a right to drink. He proved it again and again, just as you're doing.
> 
> ...


COOL. That was entertaining. i got a five, or maybe a four. one could have gone either way.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

tivoli said:


> do you think that she is over thinking this and that because of her job she thinks the worse of people (he is an alcoholic and he needs to abstain before i come home!!!) ..even her husband?


Because of her job she has the courage to step out when it is not too late. You are an addict, a junkie. 

Only a drastic change in your life can save you: stop drinking at all.

Not because of her by the way, because you want to heal for yourself!


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

you obviously are a bad judge of character when it comes to drinking. i scored a 4. so as i said and you confirmed...people like you try to make people like me look worse than what they are. and i do not know why that makes you feel so good. you must be justifying your occupation or really had a bad incident with drinking. i answered all questions truthfully. nowhere near an 8. hey maybe you work with my wife.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

tivoli said:


> you obviously are a bad judge of character when it comes to drinking. i scored a 4. so as i said and you confirmed...people like you try to make people like me look worse than what they are. and i do not know why that makes you feel so good. you must be justifying your occupation or really had a bad incident with drinking. i answered all questions truthfully. nowhere near an 8. hey maybe you work with my wife.


:scratchhead:

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

tivoli said:


> you obviously are a bad judge of character when it comes to drinking. i scored a 4. so as i said and you confirmed...people like you try to make people like me look worse than what they are. and i do not know why that makes you feel so good. you must be justifying your occupation or really had a bad incident with drinking. i answered all questions truthfully. nowhere near an 8. hey maybe you work with my wife.


Tivoli, you scored a 4 because when a person has an addiction, the addiction works to protect them from the truth. I will use your own words to demonstrate why I scored it more accurately than you did: 

*#2: "Can you handle more alcohol now than when you started to drink?" *

Your own words were, "i was drinking 6 beers an evening thursday through sunday," and I'm absolutely positive you would not have had sufficient tolerance to do that and still be functioning when you first started drinking. 

*#5: "Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?"*

One thing you said was, "she tried to make me stop but i said no you cannot tell me what to do. so she left." I'm assuming you don't throw a tantrum when she says, "The cups belong in this cabinet, not that one." Do you really fight back every single time she has a request of you because you feel controlled? I'm thinking not (at least, considering how much you say you love her) so the reason APPEARS to be that you feel a need to protect your access to alcohol. 

Another statement you made, "i am not ready at this stage of my life to abstain" reveals discomfort at the thought of no alcohol. By the way, you followed up that statement with saying you "enjoy looking forward" to drinking, which is not a question on this particular quiz but "do you look forward to drinking" is on many similar quizzes. 

Also, " i understand her point and took action." You say you've cut back, but instead of simply drinking less, you substitute another drink that contains alcohol. This indicates a discomfort with not having alcohol available and protecting your access to it EVEN when you acknowledge that her point is valid.

*#7: Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?*

See the paragraph above about "I understand her point and took action." 

*#8: "Has a family member or close friend express concern or complained about your drinking?"*

Your wife most certainly has.

*#13: "Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your
drinking?"*

You've switched to a plan that you called "controlled drinking" and you've switched brands to a lower-alcohol "near" beer. By the way, if your counselor suggested controlled drinking, then I can pretty much guarantee your counselor is NOT trained to handle codependency OR chemical abuse/dependency issues.

*#14: Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you made to yourself about controlling or
cutting down on your drinking?* 

You say, " i agree that i need to cut back and am doing so with no problem." but you are not doing this with "no" problem... it continues to be a problem for you. I'm pretty sure you told your wife your drinking would stop being a problem in the relationship, yet failed to do it. Don't worry, you can say whatever you want to here, because I won't argue back. This will be my last post to you. I'm not here to be your counselor or cut through your denial. You can drink, divorce, or die by your own choices. I'm just spitting out the truth and no matter what you say on here, you know in your heart that I'm right.

*#17: Are you having more financial, work, school, and/or family problems as a result of
your drinking?* 

I'd say you're having a pretty important family problem. 

*#18: Has your physician ever advised you to cut down on your drinking?*

You said your counselor advised you to. You say you know you need to. Mark another "yes" answer.

*#24: "Have you ever gone to anyone for help about your drinking?" *

Besides here? Or other than your counselor? That's two that I can count, again based on YOUR words. 

Sorry, Tivoli, but only one person here has defended you at all. Everyone says that you drink excessively. Yet you continue to insist that you're right, the world is wrong. You love alcohol more than your wife, and you'll prove it.


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## Hira (Aug 16, 2012)

You have to avoid such things which she don't want and drinking is not a good act you are doing. As I am Muslim so I want to recommend you to not to drink as it is not good and you can read a blogpost about this from http://blog.naseeb.com/2004/10/alcohol-prayer/


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I know you think the problem is that she left you. That is NOT the problem. Go back and read your posts. Cutting back?

If my wife left me and told me it was because I drank to much I wouldnt pick up another bottle. It's just alcohol. If you don't have the physical or mental fortitude to get rid of the beer for her...than you are an alcoholic.

For comparisons sake before I would "date" my wife exclusively I was an athlete and told her I would not date anybody that smoked. She quit then and there.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

if you think drinking 3 beers on a friday and saturday night plus a few non-alcoholic ones thrown in, then you obviously are a recovering alcoholic that cannot drink 1 beer before going on a binder. this is why you try to justify the bad things about drinking. beer tastes good. and yes some people can drink and stop. there is nothing wrong with it. unless you think everyone who starts drinking will eventually be an alcoholic. shame on you. i am doing fine with myself. if you have nothing but negative things to say then i guess i will leave this site. my wife never said to stop drinking. she drinks herself. as a matter of fact she started drinking every weekend. she must have a problem then. huh? i will make sure i tell her to stop drinking and never touch alcohol again. how controlling is that? hey maybe i will tell her to stop the coffe because that is bad for you. she drinks a ton of that with sugar and creamer. hmmm...oh that is right...that is ok it is not alcohol.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

tivoli said:


> i said no you cannot tell me what to do. so she left.


I don't blame her. You have no regard for her reasonable requests which she made for both your own good and hers too. 



tivoli said:


> does this seem right?


I don't like the term "right" because it's not a matter of right or wrong, it's about dealbreakers and what one person might put up with that another person won't. I thinks her request was reasonable and her response to your refusal was also appropriate. 



tivoli said:


> is this too much drinking?


Yes definitely.



tivoli said:


> or just because she is an abuse counselor this makes me a problem drinker?


No, you're a problem drinker and it has nothing to do with your wife's chosen occupation. 



tivoli said:


> i understand her point and took action.


Too little - too late. 



tivoli said:


> she has been gone for a month with little contact. do you think this is normal behavior?


Yes, this woman knows her boundaries. She's tough, I give her credit. 



tivoli said:


> she does not want a divorce. she is very catholic.


Well, now she's got a problem. Catholics divorce, in fact they do lots of things that they aren't supposed to. It all depends on the individuals self tolerance for hypocrasy.



tivoli said:


> do you think that she is over thinking this and that because of her job she thinks the worse of people (he is an alcoholic and he needs to abstain before i come home!!!) ..even her husband?


She's very knowledgeable because of her profession and she knows an alcoholic when she sees one and she knows the problems that result and she wants no part of it.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

all responses in her favor. wow..i didn't realize that she married such a looser and she is so perfect. thanks for all of your help. definetly a one sided crowd. there is nothing wrong with drinking on friday and saturday nights the amount i indicated ..look it up..no more than 4 beers a sitting and no more than 14 a week. you all are way to conservative with drinking. you all have been hit hard by it in some way. and because of that you give drinking alcohol a bad image. shame on you all. i pity all of you. one day your minds will open up and the light will go off. if my wife decides to not return because of the little i drink then she will be a very lonely woman. shame on her.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> if you think drinking 3 beers on a friday and saturday night plus a few non-alcoholic ones thrown in, *then you obviously are a recovering alcoholic that cannot drink 1 beer before going on a binder. * this is why you try to justify the bad things about drinking. beer tastes good. and yes some people can drink and stop. there is nothing wrong with it. unless you think everyone who starts drinking will eventually be an alcoholic. shame on you. i am doing fine with myself. if you have nothing but negative things to say then i guess i will leave this site. my wife never said to stop drinking. she drinks herself. as a matter of fact she started drinking every weekend. she must have a problem then. huh? i will make sure i tell her to stop drinking and never touch alcohol again. how controlling is that? hey maybe i will tell her to stop the coffe because that is bad for you. she drinks a ton of that with sugar and creamer. hmmm...oh that is right...that is ok it is not alcohol.


Uhhh no. I don't drink. I have friends who do. What you described as your "usual" is excessive.You don't see this because you don't WANT to see this.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

tivoli said:


> if my wife decides to not return because of the little i drink then she will be a very lonely woman.


Or she'll meet a guy who doesn't get drunk half the nights of the week.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

tivoli said:


> all responses in her favor. wow..i didn't realize that she married such a looser and she is so perfect. thanks for all of your help. definetly a one sided crowd. there is nothing wrong with drinking on friday and saturday nights the amount i indicated ..look it up..no more than 4 beers a sitting and no more than 14 a week. you all are way to conservative with drinking. you all have been hit hard by it in some way. and because of that you give drinking alcohol a bad image. shame on you all. i pity all of you. one day your minds will open up and the light will go off. if my wife decides to not return because of the little i drink then she will be a very lonely woman. shame on her.


You are rationalizing Tivoli.

People on TAM are absolutely not one sided as you can read in many many threads here. Please read them. You might educate yourself.

Your bad way of writing indicates bad education, OR a brain that is already very much damaged by alcohol.

Bad education may also lead to bad way of dealing with arguments and critic. People here are trying to help each other. They tell you in your own interest what they make of this situation.

I hope you can take some points of them home and start working on yourself.

If you think people here are biased you are free to go to a counselor of some sort and tell your story. Then do as he or she says. But please take some action for yourself..


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

tivoli said:


> all responses in her favor. wow..i didn't realize that she married such a looser and she is so perfect. thanks for all of your help. definetly a one sided crowd. there is nothing wrong with drinking on friday and saturday nights the amount i indicated ..look it up..no more than 4 beers a sitting and no more than 14 a week. you all are way to conservative with drinking. you all have been hit hard by it in some way. and because of that you give drinking alcohol a bad image. shame on you all. i pity all of you. one day your minds will open up and the light will go off. if my wife decides to not return because of the little i drink then she will be a very lonely woman. shame on her.


I love beer. Check out my beer gut if you don't believe me. I love the taste too. There is nothing better to me than firing up the grill and having a cold one. But the absolute all out defense of drinking beer that you are posting with is indicitive of a MAJOR problem. Dude...just read your posts and see how much you're defending a liquid! Talk of saving your marriage is long gone. You're now dedicating this post to steadfast defense of beer.:scratchhead:

Wife>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Beer.

I think that's the point we're trying to get across to you. Not that you're some vile creature and we're all a bunch of self righteous wacko's who've never drank. As I said I love the stuff. But I dont NEED the stuff. See the point?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Tivoli, 

Nobody is saying you're a bad person. I know you feel like people are ganging up on you. What you've written in this thread started off with you trying to figure out what was unreasonable - your drinking or your wife's attitude. 

You got your answer, and you're not wanting to accept it. I hope you can think about something important here: 

Alcoholism is a disease. It doesn't mean a person is weak or bad. It means that their body has a different physical response to alcohol than the body of a person who doesn't develop an addiction. It's not much different than developing diabetes or cancer. Yes, you can cut down risk factors, but once you have the disease, it's there. In your case, you've had the bad luck of developing the disease, and you have a duty to your wife and yourself to get treatment. How would you feel if she announced that she had ovarian cancer but continuously said she didn't feel bad enough to get treatment? 

When a non-alcoholic person drinks, the alcohol content breaks down into vinegar and water and it leaves the body. People who become alcoholic process it differently. In an alcoholic person, the alcohol breaks down to vinegar, water, and another byproduct called THIQ or TIQ, which stands for tetrahydroisoquinoline. THIQ is also used as synthetic morphine. The Story of Tetrahydroisoquinoline (TIQ) for Clean and Sober Full Text

Nobody knows ahead of time which way their body will react, and by the time they discover it, addiction is already in place. 

Do yourself a favor and think about this. The solution to your marriage problem is a very simple one. Don't drink. However, even though it is simple, it is *not* easy to do. Please start attending some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. You'll find some fun people who can share their own experiences and you'll find that they've felt exactly the same way you're feeling right now. Do this BEFORE your marriage is lost forever.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

dont drink any for a week. After a week switch to a hard liquor. Limit yourself to two shots a night (or even three ) for a week or so. After that have a beer, then a shot (use the beer as your chaser) once a night for two weeks. After that see if you can stop again and you get no drink for a week. Pick the hardest liquor you can find. Worse tasting the better.
if can follow the directions and you stop that last week, you arent a alky.
you cant stop that last week. you might have a problem.

you might actually prefer the hard liquor. you piss less and it gets a buzz quicker.
Im curious to know how it works for you. i used to flip drinks from one to the next. just to check myself.

i dont listen to people either bud. i used to fill glasses (not shot glasses regular glasses) with whiskey . jim beam, j walker, jack, george. whatever. About everything but blended whiskey i liked. i could down it like water. I could basically stay half buzzed all day, or was pretty much drunk but since i was so used to being drunk you couldnt even tell i was drunk i acted pretty normal. Just had some seriously glassy eyes. i could even walk straight. just built up a tolerance for it. People said i was a alky and i stopped on a dime. My wife actually used to be amazed at just how much i could drink and still act normal. People would comment and she would just be like "no. he is fine. " because she became kind of used to me being able to drink and still function. It was just a thing i was going through. A phase. no idea why. Everyone is different. it wasnt really a issue. It just appeared to be a issue. But you stop suddenly, and change your habits. And dont think about it much. Well i guess you never really had a problem then did you? You could have a problem. Put yourself through a real live test. Find out. Forget the demos. Forget the counselors. Check yourself for real.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bribrius said:


> dont drink any for a week. After a week switch to a hard liquor. Limit yourself to two shots a night (or even three ) for a week or so. After that have a beer, then a shot (use the beer as your chaser) once a night for two weeks. After that see if you can stop again and you get no drink for a week. Pick the hardest liquor you can find. Worse tasting the better.
> if can follow the directions and you stop that last week, you arent a alky.
> you cant stop that last week. you might have a problem.
> 
> ...


That has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have seen you post yet....Well, no, not really. But it ranks right up there. Test to see if you are an alcoholic by drinking MORE? You have GOT to be kidding me. Well, no... YOU aren't kidding...that's the problem. 

Please tell me that you were letting your WIFE drive all those times you got so drunk.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> That has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have seen you post yet....Well, no, not really. But it ranks right up there. Test to see if you are an alcoholic by drinking MORE? You have GOT to be kidding me. Well, no... YOU aren't kidding...that's the problem.
> 
> Please tell me that you were letting your WIFE drive all those times you got so drunk.


the test is in how hard it is to stop. I know a few alkys. They cant stop. It really isnt just a matter of what you drink, or how much. It is if you can stop. hey, its just my opinion. And i gave it because i do it and have done it. If you can decide, how much, and when you drink, and what you are drinking, and to stop drinking. I dont see a problem.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bribrius said:


> the test is in how hard it is to stop. I know a few alkys. They cant stop. It really isnt just a matter of what you drink, or how much. It is if you can stop. hey, its just my opinion. And i gave it because i do it and have done it. If you can decide, how much, and when you drink, and what you are drinking, and to stop drinking. I dont see a problem.


Not the smartest test to have someone who is, at the very least, _potentially_ an alcoholic drink more than he already is.

And as for my question to you?


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

about half the males in my family have struggled with addiction mostly alchohol. I can tell you it doesn't matter how many beers you drink or how often you still can be a addict. My father never drank but on the weekend he still had to go to rehab to cure his adddiction. You could drink one beer a day and still be a addict. addiction is a disease much like cancer or diabetes and it is a terrible way to live. Your wife knows this and I'll bet she has pushed this issue for a long time. The truth is until you reach the point of realizing the problem and taking responsibility for the problem you can't fix the problem. Most addicts don't see it and don't realize how bad it is on themselves and everyone around them. If my wife became a addict I would do my best to get her help but if she refused to fix the problem I would get to the point I could no longer be married to her. Addiction destroys lives of everyone involved. I have lost family members to addiction and it has only one or two conclusions. You either get help or your family will be attending your funeral.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Not the smartest test to have someone who is, at the very least, _potentially_ an alcoholic drink more than he already is.
> 
> And as for my question to you?


depends. usually she would have me drive if she drank much. Much for her is three or more. Three drinks she is done. Four she is throwing up in the parking lot. She just cant handle it. She is just somebody, that can barely drink. i would be better off driving with twelve than her driving with three.
but in answer to your question, generally she didnt drink. And most of the time one or two drinks,i would shut her off because i know she cant handle it. More than that she wasnt buzzed, she was drunk and very sick. Because i shut her off so early, she drove. i havent driven under the influence in years, and then it was less times than i could count on my fingers. Avoided it for obvious reasons. Although she stated when i park the car and have been drinking it is actually straighter in the driveway. Apparently if im sober im less concentrated and park it however.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

OP think about this for a moment. Your shaming your wife because she is uncomfortable with your alcohol consumption. By doing this you are implying that you do not love your wife but instead love your alcohol. Apparently this materialistic thing means more to you then your wife. Your wife is a unique living being... alcohol is not. It can easily be replaced and is basically a dime a dozen. Your wife on the other hand can not be replaced. 


Oh sure you can find another woman alright but this other woman could never replace your wife because she would never be like your wife. Is your own selfish need more important then the love your wife has for you? Let me tell you a little something. My spouse is an alcoholic and he had once put that need before his family... meaning our kids and myself. I was fed up with him putting us last so when he and his mother came home drunk one night I snapped. I screamed at him that it was over, I was fed up, and he could see me in court to work out custody arrangements. I then grabbed the kids, got in our car and was about to leave. 


He hopped in his mothers car and blocked me, came over and put up with a bit more of my screaming and ranting then asked me what he could do to keep me there. I told him I would stay if he agreed to drink at home with me only so I could monitor how much he has. He agreed and has stuck to this for two, almost three years now. 


Now I get that you would like to drink on weekends and such but ... is it really more important to you then your wife? Fyi I don't think your a loser, just a bit ignorant. Don't worry though... everyone is ignorant from time to time... including myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

Drunk? 3 beers on friday and saturday and now you use the word drunk? and half the nights a week? where did you go to school? 2 nights is not half. and maybe i will meet a woman who does not nag about things. and who does not leave everytime she does not get her way. and a person who will show me love from her heart...not from reading about love in a text book. i really pity you.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

or she could be loosing a great guy because she can't get past her hangup...cmon the drinking i described is within clinical limits. look it up. so it can go either way. she can make the choice. i cannot be replaced. marriage is a compromise. getting drunk and doing crazy things is one thing...but to leave someone because they look forward to a few beers on the weekend. well it can be a lonely life


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> Drunk? 3 beers on friday and saturday and now you use the word drunk? and half the nights a week? where did you go to school? 2 nights is not half. and maybe i will meet a woman who does not nag about things. and who does not leave everytime she does not get her way. and a person who will show me love from her heart...not from reading about love in a text book. i really pity you.


2 nights NOW. It WAS 4 nights... and twice as much. I just wonder how long it will take to go back to the old ways, whether she comes back or not. Hey, maybe you WILL meet a woman who thinks like you and will not be bothered by the drinking. 

The one thing I will agree about is your wife saying 80% love for you and 20% for her ex. I call BS on that one. It should have been 100% for you. Anything less than that and she should have NOT married you. And I don't mean that because of the drinking. 

Who were you addressing when you said "I pity you"?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> or she could be loosing a great guy because she can't get past her hangup...cmon the drinking i described is within clinical limits. look it up. so it can go either way. she can make the choice. i cannot be replaced. marriage is a compromise. getting drunk and doing crazy things is one thing...but to leave someone because they look forward to a few beers on the weekend. well it can be a lonely life


She doesn't have to be married to a man who feels he needs to "look forward to a few beers on the weekend". Marriage is about compromise, I agree. But if this is a deal breaker for her, then it is. Plenty of people live very satisfying lives without using alcohol. Doesn't matter if it is "within clinical limits". What matters is what she is comfortable with. She doesn't want it around, she doesn't have to stay/come back. Her choice. And one I would make as well, if my husband were to start drinking at all.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> She doesn't have to be married to a man who feels he needs to "look forward to a few beers on the weekend". Marriage is about compromise, I agree. But if this is a deal breaker for her, then it is. Plenty of people live very satisfying lives without using alcohol. Doesn't matter if it is "within clinical limits". What matters is what she is comfortable with. She doesn't want it around, she doesn't have to stay/come back. Her choice. And one I would make as well, if my husband were to start drinking at all.


yeah, i hear you on that one. My wife used to eat fast food sometimes. And she drank diet pepsi. i had enough of that crap. i dont know how people can even eat that ****. i made her cut back on the fast food and i banned her from diet pepsi a month ago. she has to ask permission now for a diet pepsi. i think im limiting them to one a week.
i dont think i would leave her over diet pepsi however. But i was getting really sick of seeing them. i cant even believe people can drink soda. The stuff is disgusting and not good for you at all..
she said she drank diet so it was okay. she wouldnt gain weight. seriously? the stuff is garbage. All soda is garbage. And it doesnt explain the fast food. Again, who can eat this crap and not think something is wrong with them?


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

yes i agreed with her that 4 nights was too much. and you are right...who knows about the future. but we shall see. she never said to stop drinking but just to cut back to the clinical amount. she left because i did not want to be controlled. so i am hoping this will be ok. i have no problem with it. i think it should be ok. we both have things to work on. yes the 80% scares me...what else can i do? i am married now and love her 200%. they say love does not divide equally. ughhh


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bribrius said:


> yeah, i hear you on that one. My wife used to eat fast food sometimes. And she drank diet pepsi. i had enough of that crap. i dont know how people can even eat that ****. i made her cut back on the fast food and i banned her from diet pepsi a month ago. she has to ask permission now for a diet pepsi. i think im limiting them to one a week.
> i dont think i would leave her over diet pepsi however. But i was getting really sick of seeing them. i cant even believe people can drink soda. The stuff is disgusting and not good for you at all..
> she said she drank diet so it was okay. she wouldnt gain weight. seriously? the stuff is garbage. All soda is garbage. And it doesnt explain the fast food. Again, who can eat this crap and not think something is wrong with them?


:rofl::rofl::rofl:
Mine is Coke Zero. It's ok though. I get bottles/cans and return each for $0.10 LOL >.>

But I don't do the fast food thing... IF I have to eat somewhere other than home cooked meals, I try to pick somewhere like Subway and work my way from there. I try to avoid McDonald's and the like. Sometimes, what you want and what is available are two different things. I don't purposely set out to get them though.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> Mine is Coke Zero. It's ok though. I get bottles/cans and return each for $0.10 LOL >.>
> 
> But I don't do the fast food thing... IF I have to eat somewhere other than home cooked meals, I try to pick somewhere like Subway and work my way from there. I try to avoid McDonald's and the like. Sometimes, what you want and what is available are two different things. I don't purposely set out to get them though.


try wine, a wine cooler or a beer. Better for you than soda. My wife is limited to milk, juice (real juice), water or flavored water, and wine or whatever if she has a mixed drink, coffee, nutri drinks. Something else i did is start making her drink a glass of milk a day (she wasnt drinking any and saying wahh wahh i dont like milk blah blah) again and i bought a bunch of those vitamin/nutrition drinks. so she cant complain she has nothing to drink. And if she is too lazy to use the juicer i bought the natural organic juice for like 8 bucks a half gallon. That is probably how this started with the banning. i tried to lightly suggest healthier alternatives. And i watched as carrot juice went bad in the fridge and no one would drink it. That is when i realized i had a issue with beverages in my house. :rofl:Soda just cant be good for you. 
But i flipped out over her kids bringing the kids for fast food. It just seemed, wrong. 
When she suggests we eat now while we are on the run i wont let her go to fast food. i make her either stop in a restaurant or at a grocery store and buy something real to eat. There is very little difference in costs between eating at a real restaurant and eating at mcdonalds. Im not even sure why she started going to fast food i think it was because she was too lazy to drag the kids out of the car and bring them in a store or place with her. Grocery store you can usually pick up something pre made and healthy from the deli sections for about the same price as fast food or make your own salad. Subway we have done on occasion too, as you mentioned.
To each their own though. i will let liquor in the house. Beer. wine coolers, mike hard lemonade, whatever. i actually have more dislike for having soda in it.:lol:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bribrius said:


> try wine, a wine cooler or a beer. Better for you than soda.


Not a chance in my house. Religious beliefs. We don't drink alcohol. No smoking either. But, as you said... to each his own.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Not a chance in my house. Religious beliefs. We don't drink alcohol. No smoking either. But, as you said... to each his own.


yeah, we dont allow smoking in the house. Second hand smoke not good for the kids, turns the walls yellow from nicotine. Nasty.
Jesus turned water into wine. But a drunkard is a fool. The Bible and Alcohol | Bible.org - Worlds Largest Bible Study Site

we actually have real wine in church at communion here.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

"This brief essay really has no conclusion; rather, this is the first volley in an ongoing discussion. The general contours of biblical teaching are that wine is a blessing from the Lord, something to be enjoyed. But like any good gift from God, it can be abused: in this case, abuse involves addiction and drunkenness. But whenever we condemn others who are able to enjoy God’s good gifts in moderation as though they were abusers, we misrepresent biblical Christianity. At bottom, it seems that biblical Christianity has a much different face than what much of modern Christianity wears. In many respects, we resemble more the ancient Pharisees than the Lord’s disciples. "

From the above link...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Not turning this thread into a religious debate. We don't drink alcohol, in any form. In communion, we use grape juice.


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

What's more important?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Tivoli,

You are trying to argue about amounts and times drinking. But that is not important. These days people have seen too many ex alcoholics on television in talk shows, documentaries etc. We know the stories, they give an inside view of how drunks think, act, hide, deny, play 'OK', destroy relations, their wife, their children, their life.

These stories is what I recognize in your posts. There is a small chance your are not alcoholic, but then your reaction to the posts is the wrong one.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

A six-pack a night? WTF IS SHE ON?!

I CANT STAND FKING SELF-RIGHTEOUS HOLIER THAN THOUS!!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> In communion, we use grape juice.


But wine is grape juice too!!!!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> But wine is grape juice too!!!!


Fermented. We do not drink anything that has been fermented.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> A six-pack a night? WTF IS SHE ON?!
> 
> I CANT STAND FKING SELF-RIGHTEOUS HOLIER THAN THOUS!!!!


But that is the way you see it. His wife obviously feels there is a problem. He was given chances to get help, he didn't so she did what she thought she had to to do to save herself from what she felt was damaging. I don't think trying to save yourself from someone else's damaging behavior is really self righteous. I do not think she feels she is better than him, some people just know what they will and will not tolerate. He had a choice, she did too. He chose to continue to drink, she chose to leave.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> But that is the way you see it. His wife obviously feels there is a problem. He was given chances to get help, he didn't so she did what she thought she had to to do to save herself from what she felt was damaging. I don't think trying to save yourself from someone else's damaging behavior is really self righteous. I do not think she feels she is better than him, some people just know what they will and will not tolerate. He had a choice, she did too. He chose to continue to drink, she chose to leave.


but you wouldnt consider his wife just a tad shallow, uncommitted and lacking any real sense of devotion???:scratchhead:


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

i just went to another counselor with degrees and licenses out the wazoo on substance abuse and marriage counseling. he was shocked to hear what she did and that she has still not returned. he agreed that cutting back is a good idea but that i am not an alcoholic or problem drinker. he has been in this business for 25 years and said that when she decides it is time to come back that i say i am fine and finally at peace and that i will let her know when i want her to return. he said that there are more issues going on here than drinking. she obviously is not used to being married and has past issues that are bigger than the one she claims she is making.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

who tells there husband that they are not in love with him but does love him? who says i can only give you so much of my heart? who does not say in 2 years i am so lucky to have you? all red flags and alot to do with why she left...i think anyway. and so does the counselor. i married couple should be in love with each other for things to work.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> i just went to another counselor with degrees and licenses out the wazoo on substance abuse and marriage counseling. he was shocked to hear what she did and that she has still not returned. he agreed that cutting back is a good idea but that i am not an alcoholic or problem drinker. he has been in this business for 25 years and said that when she decides it is time to come back that i say i am fine and finally at peace and that i will let her know when i want her to return. he said that there are more issues going on here than drinking. she obviously is not used to being married and has past issues that are bigger than the one she claims she is making.


Yes, he's qualified to diagnose HER "issues" without speaking to her, by taking your view of the situation. Bottom line is that she felt she couldn't live with your drinking, so she left. Maybe she does have other issues. But this so-called counselor, if he truly has been "in the business" for 25 years, also knows he can't make that call based SOLELY on your BIASED account of what happened. He can state his OPINION, but it hardly qualifies as more than that... HIS OPINION.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bribrius said:


> but you wouldnt consider his wife just a tad shallow, uncommitted and lacking any real sense of devotion???:scratchhead:


No. Not if she tried, repeatedly to get him to stop and he refused. She was serious... he didn't believe she was, so she left. Not shallow at all.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

why can nobody on this site see my side. she has issues. i would never leave her. she did alot too me over the 2 years that alot of people would not have accepted. maybe she just married the wrong guy and does not know what to do now. she took vows and discovered that there are things about me she does not like. so she leaves? i have never heard of that. people argue all the time. and yes we will have more arguments. will she leave again? my answer would be yes since she has done it twice already. i know i married for life whatever the issue. maybe she shoul;d have never gotten married. what if i agree with abortion and she does not and i actively pursue missions for it in the community. eventually she will get tired of that and leave. there are so many other issues that can come up. if you are not in love with someone it is easy to leave. just my thoughts thanks for listening. i really do not know what to do.


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

and i told my side of the story. and only the facts from her side. these facts do not change. whether she says it or not. her counselor is advising her to stay away based on what she tells her counselor about me. it works both ways.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> why can nobody on this site see my side. she has issues. i would never leave her. she did alot too me over the 2 years that alot of people would not have accepted. maybe she just married the wrong guy and does not know what to do now. she took vows and discovered that there are things about me she does not like. so she leaves? i have never heard of that. people argue all the time. and yes we will have more arguments. will she leave again? my answer would be yes since she has done it twice already. i know i married for life whatever the issue. maybe she shoul;d have never gotten married. what if i agree with abortion and she does not and i actively pursue missions for it in the community. eventually she will get tired of that and leave. there are so many other issues that can come up. if you are not in love with someone it is easy to leave. just my thoughts thanks for listening. i really do not know what to do.


Look, the whole percentage thing regarding her love, I DO agree with you about. I really do. You said she has done a lot to you over these past two years. In addition to the love percentage thing and her insistence about the drinking...what else has she done that others wouldn't put up with? BTW, the drinking would be a deal breaker for me as well. If my husband was drinking as much as you have said you do/did, I would have requested that he stop as well. Not cut back, but stop. Then again, I wouldn't have married him if he drank alcohol. That is one of MY deal breakers. I'm not backing her up so much as the fact that you felt beer was more important than she is. Don't try arguing, you know it's true. It wasn't until AFTER she left that you decided to "cut back". THAT is what the big deal is with us. 

So, so far there is only one thing mentioned that she has done that I wouldn't have put up with... giving the spouse a percentage of her love. So what else?


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

in 2 years she has never put her arms around me and said how much she loves me and how much she is glad to be with me. she has never during this entire ordeal said that she has missed me. i realize drinking is a deal breaker with some people but she knew i drank before she married me. being a counselor maybe she should have inquired more about it. she knew my family drank too. maybe i should have looked more into it as well. even if i stop drinking i am not guarenteed she will be 100-200 percent with me. she may never be able to get there with me. all i am saying is that if you really love someone and you discover something about them you do not like then do you just leave and possibly get divorced? i could never leave her or divorce her under any circimstances. if she stopped having sex with me would i leave her? no not ever. this is my point


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

they say people have deal breakers. but in my book i have non if i go to the alter with that person. i guess the deal breaker for me would be no sex...hmmmm what would i do? i know a person that this is happening to him and he stays with her because he told me he loves her. this has been going on for a year now.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> in 2 years she has never put her arms around me and said how much she loves me and how much she is glad to be with me. she has never during this entire ordeal said that she has missed me. i realize drinking is a deal breaker with some people but she knew i drank before she married me. being a counselor maybe she should have inquired more about it. she knew my family drank too. maybe i should have looked more into it as well. even if i stop drinking i am not guarenteed she will be 100-200 percent with me. she may never be able to get there with me. *all i am saying is that if you really love someone and you discover something about them you do not like then do you just leave and possibly get divorced?* i could never leave her or divorce her under any circimstances. if she stopped having sex with me would i leave her? no not ever. this is my point


Some do. Some will try to get the behavior (or whatever) changed. And, when the spouse shows that he (or she) is unwilling to change the behavior, they leave... for them, it is a deal breaker. Even if they DO love their spouses, they leave because they know that, no matter how much they love them, they can't change them... and when they realize this, they also have to decide if they can handle living with something (the behavior) they oppose or if they need to leave. Maybe this was an easy choice for her. Maybe it wasn't. The only one who knows is your wife.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> they say people have deal breakers. but in my book i have non if i go to the alter with that person. i guess the deal breaker for me would be no sex...hmmmm what would i do? i know a person that this is happening to him and he stays with her because he told me he loves her. this has been going on for a year now.


You nave NO deal breakers? None? Even if she were to cheat on you, you would stay with her, no matter what? :scratchhead:


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

yes even that because i love her. her ex-husband did that to her and she waited for him to return for 15 years. i am still with her and do not get what i need from her. i am hoping one day it will happen. but i would never leave because i would miss her...like i do now


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

why no comment on her behavior toward me over the 2 years. it is not like i feel loved by her. and i did not leave. is that a deal breaker? some would say yes. i just feel that deal breakers is a cop out for i did not marry you because i was in love with you. i just love you and it feels right. then things go bad and it is easy to leave when you are not in love. some people do not need to get married. this is probably why the divorce rate is so high. not enough people getting married because they are in love.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> why no comment on her behavior toward me over the 2 years. it is not like i feel loved by her. and i did not leave. is that a deal breaker? some would say yes. i just feel that deal breakers is a cop out for i did not marry you because i was in love with you. i just love you and it feels right. then things go bad and it is easy to leave when you are not in love. some people do not need to get married. this is probably why the divorce rate is so high. not enough people getting married because they are in love.


My sister married a man she was in love with. He cheated on her, multiple times. She gave him chance after chance after chance after chance. He still went out and cheated. So she should stick around with a man who could very well, one day, bring home an STD that could kill her? And what about those who have married for love, and then they get the "bait and switch"? The spouse turns out to be an abuser. What then? Stay and be beaten everyday/night? 

Did your wife behave in that way while you were dating? Did she hug and kiss a lot or did she hold back? Was this something that switched as soon as you were pronounced husband and wife?

Oh, and what do you mean that's what happened with her ex? He cheated on her and left?


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

yes he cheated on her and left. she was also very hard to get to the alter. it took a couple of rings to get her there. so there are some issues going on. maybe i should have ran but i fell in love. it sucks. she was always distant. i had to push her out of her pit and convince her to get married. it was hard


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## tivoli (Sep 30, 2012)

she left me twice back then before we were married. this is repeated behavior by her. whenever she feels like things are not right she leaves. and i keep coming after her.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tivoli said:


> yes he cheated on her and left. she was also very hard to get to the alter. it took a couple of rings to get her there. so there are some issues going on. maybe i should have ran but i fell in love. it sucks. she was always distant. i had to push her out of her pit and convince her to get married. it was hard


So, she was always like that. You had to convince (push) her to marry you. You thought things would be different once you married? If you have to, basically, force the affection, it won't magically appear once the vows are exchanged. If she had those issues before, you should have allowed her to work through them before marrying. If you stuck around all through that, she would have known you were in it for the long haul. Just like she shouldn't have expected to be able to change you, you shouldn't have expected to be able to change her. Tough spot.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

i wonder if she is bangin the x hubby or someone else......
:scratchhead:


Her counselor said no contact with you? I find that kind of odd unless you abused her some how. Either your wife is making that up or there is more to this story...:scratchhead:


why is she going to a counselor again? i thought you were the one with a supposed problem.
so she is a counselor going to a counselor? huh?? sounds like a mess. you sure you want her back? i think i would patiently wait and see if she moves on with another guy then put the paperwork through.
This situation screams headache to me. To much headache.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

You had to try and convince her to marry you? It took several tries to get her to the altar and a couple of rings to get her there. 

And you think she left you over drinking? I have a feeling the drinking may have been the icing on the cake. It sounds like she wasn't overly interested anyway and fully engaged in the marriage to begin with. Not after what you stated above. 

Its probably best to move on. She has issues, and so do you.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

tivoli said:


> 1) I have been married for 2 years
> 2) To a substance abuse counselor
> 3) She left me a month ago
> 4) Because she said i drank to much.


These are four facts you mentioned, I believe those.

Who would know better: 

a) Your wife, who sees you 24/7 or 

b) Your new counselor, who is paid by you or via you, so has an interest to keep you as a client?

My man, I would normally keep all options open, but the chances are in your disadvantage.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Tivioli,

Since a lot of your texts don't sound logical, I wonder why that is, are you aware of that, do other people make remarks on this issue, do you have an explanation?


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