# Is Anal Commonplace Nowadays?



## killjoy (Apr 24, 2013)

or is it still considered a taboo thing?

does it live up to the hype?

since my wife and I are enjoying the new rough play in the bedroom, I've been thinking about asking her if she wanted to try it. how does one even go about asking that? lets say she agrees to the idea: is there a lot preparation involved beforehand?

can anyone experienced with this help out?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

my wife will request it as she will orgasm most of the time during it

tbh, I come much quicker during it so sometimes I will go PIV before anal


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I don't care if it is. My husband was my first and that took 3 tries and hurt like hell. I'm not going through tthat again on the other end. Besides we're just not in to butt play. 

To each his own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

killjoy said:


> or is it still considered a taboo thing?


I don't think it's *as* taboo as it once was, but it's still no part of everyone's repertoire.



> does it live up to the hype?


That will depend on the people involved. Some like it. Some don't.



> since my wife and I are enjoying the new rough play in the bedroom, I've been thinking about asking her if she wanted to try it. how does one even go about asking that?


Just ask. "Hey, honey, I think it might be fun to try anal. What do you say?"



> lets say she agrees to the idea: is there a lot preparation involved beforehand?


Relaxation. Lube. Some prefer to make sure they're absolutely clean down there (but, the area you'll be in is a passageway, not a storage area, remember). Especially the first time out, don't use any kind of "anal ease" or other numbing cream...sure, it makes the penetration easier, but it also deadens any "bad pain" that the recipient needs to be aware of. Contrary to what many jump to right away, try missionary the first few times out rather than doggy style...sure, the latter seems logical, presenting the opening in question, but that position also inherently tenses the muscles in that area, making entry more difficult...missionary allows the recipient to relax those muscles more. Go slow...don't just ram it in, start off with a fingertip, move up to a finger, let her get used to the sensation of something in there, then move on to the penis, and take it slowly, too, always following her lead on when she's ready for more or for you to pick up the pace (and what the max pace is).

And, most importantly, if she says, "Stop! It doesn't feel good!" You stop immediately and get it outta there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I really could have answered this question two ways. 

1) No, it's perfectly normal..... 

and 

2) It doesn't live up to the hype

But I'm a woman. And although I have heard some women can orgasm through anal, I don't. It doesn't do anything for me. When I do go there, it is for my partner. And he loves it. Luckily for me he is very gentle and patient as it takes me a little time to relax myself enough. 

As far as approaching your wife, just simply ask her if that is something she would feel comfortable doing. Maybe start with using a somewhat small, soft, flexible toy. Once she gets used to that then she may be open to you going there. I can't stress enough, however, that she needs to google the art of anal. If she is does not know how to relax herself then it will be very unenjoyable. Even if you go slow it can still hurt and if that happens -- game over. 

Oh, and of course be careful with "cross contamination"! You can go from the vag to the a$$ but not vice versa. 

Have fun!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I think its nasty but that is me plus I am a big guy so I have never bothered my wife with it I guess i prefer PIV or PIM over PIA just saying


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

In_The_Wind said:


> I think its nasty but that is me plus I am a big guy so I have never bothered my wife with it I guess i prefer PIV or PIM over *PIA* just saying


Don't you mean *PITA*? :lol: :rofl:


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

It is a nice place to visit but i wouldnt want to live there, my wife will let me do it when ever i want but its a once in awhile thing for us


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what what in the butt


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Rare - and usually I'm afraid of hurting her, which doesn't make it enjoyable. Nothing like getting the feeling she wants you to hurry up and finish because it's uncomfortable. It's one of those things that sounds really hot but then is just okay. IMHO.

I'd say in 20 years we've tried it maybe 12 times. Maybe 3 of those times it was out of sight awesome. The other 9, I kind of regretted it and wanted to go back to regular. 

My W did have an anal O once. I thought it was fiction, but oh no, it is not. That was pretty amazing. We still talk about it.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Gabriel said:


> My W did have an anal O once. I thought it was fiction, but oh no, it is not. That was pretty amazing. We still talk about it.


Same here. Manual stimulation by me, too. Still an amazing memory.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## salamander (Apr 2, 2013)

Agreed with working up to it slowly with finger or small toy. And when you get your penis inside, hold still and just ease in as she opens to you. it's at a different angle and has different walls, so you have to gently make your way into the sweet spot not bang against the sides.

For us, it's a "special occasion" or "fantasy session" thing. and it's not that it necessarily "feels good" to me, it's just that sometimes i crave extreme sensations and also want to feel like the sex goddess who has the power to fulfill my husband's dirty desires. so some would call it "overrated" based on the actual feeling of it, but since you are doing "rough play" you probably know what I mean.

Agree, too, with stop instantly if she says so! and wash yourself immediately afterwards, you don't want e. coli in your urethra any more than she wants it anywhere either.

Plus, if she gives it to you once, you still have to ask every time forever more, it should never be without direct consent.

have fun!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> I think its nasty but that is me plus *I am a big guy so I have never bothered my wife with it* *I guess i prefer PIV or PIM over PIA just saying*


Same here with me.
There are some places that you " _just can't fit in._ " , no matter how 
* _hard_ * you try.
But to each his own....


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

HA!! Finally my small penis has gotten me somewhere!!


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> HA!! Finally my small penis has gotten me somewhere!!


up $hit creek?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

grabbed for the brown ring


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

where's the "I had a bad experience and don't like washing $hit off my schlong" option?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)




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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I've only done it 4 times.

1st time - crazy woman from da club. after I finish she says "I better get up so this doesn't leak out of my a$$"

2nd time - another crazy from another club (yeah, I know)......which ended in me stopping....wondering WTF is that smell....to go and wash feces off my jock.

so, needless to say I was not impressed.

Did it 2 times with my wife.....not bad, but I don't get all the hype. I'll take PIV and PIM over that all day long.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

We do it maybe once a month. I really don't get much out of it and think it's overrated....it's totally for H, but as long as I'm not in pain I'm happy to comply. He comes pretty quickly when it happens. It definitely took a while and several attempts before we had any success......go extremely slow and there's no such thing as too much lube.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

We both enjoy it although we don't do it all the time. Maybe once a month if that. Also, we always use a condom when doing it, cuts out a lot of the ick factors.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

My wife and I do it occasionally she really seems to enjoy it.

For us, its a special bond that only we have...we were both anal virgins before we tried it. So it kind of represents the deepest kind of intimacy for us.

The mood has to be right and I have to go very slow and easy. She comes like crazy while I'm inside here and she/I are stimulating her clit.

Other than the deeper intimacy, I don't really get anything special out of it. I usually have to be too slow and gentle to come to orgasm while inside her.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

I'm usually in the mood for it when I'm drunk and I have to have another form of pleasure with it (vibrator in vagina or on clit). For me it's the pain and pleasure combo I enjoy. I don't think DH enjoys it much he usually stops after I O and cleans off so we can go back to PIV. We only do this once ever 2 mths or so.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Let's just say that I'm not exactly the world's biggest fan of visiting the proctologist. 

That being said, if I don't like having something big and uncomfortable being inserted up my backside, then why the hell should I expect anybody else to feel other than that way?

Sex was largely made for a couples "mutual pleasure." So if it ain't PIV, or oral, or breast-related, then it ain't for me!


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Just occasionally, when my wife suggests it, usually. She enjoys it, and it does feel different (and is infrequent enough so as not to become commonplace.)

Its something we have only done with each other, too, so that's nice.

Is it the be-all and end-all? No. But it's a nice change, now and then.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Anal sex has been common enough for thousands of years.

We're just talking about it more now.



Gabriel said:


> My W did have an anal O once. I thought it was fiction, but oh no, it is not. That was pretty amazing. We still talk about it.


That's odd to me. Why would you think it was fiction?



arbitrator said:


> Sex was largely made for a couples "mutual pleasure."


And for some women it is absolutely a mutually pleasurable experience. Thankfully there are women who participate in anal sex not out of just a desire to fulfill their husband's fantasy, but because they genuinely love it for themselves as well.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Did it in the past with prior girlfriends. It was enjoyable for us. Current wife says NEVER. But, there is very little she will do anyway :-(


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I 've been doing it with my husband since we were 16..it was just part of our exploration with each other..I never thought about it, just seemed natural..strangely enough!
We've been together almost 20 yrs. now & we probably still do it around 1xmonth..We've gotten very good at it & he's so careful, it's a very erotic experience. If I'm layed out on my stomach I can come with frontal stimulation against his or my hand/fingers or the bed itself...sorry if that's tmi, but maybe those that don't enjoy it aren't relaxing into it enough or not stimulating other parts to help 'open' themselves up to new experiences? All I know is we were horny then & horny now so we enjoy getting down & dirty...it's FUN!!!! 
(and we've never had anything icky happen, which may play a part in why we still enjoy it?!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

There should be an option too if it is the female or male receiving!!!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> sorry if that's tmi, but maybe those that don't enjoy it aren't relaxing into it enough or not stimulating other parts to help 'open' themselves up to new experiences? All I know is we were horny then & horny now so we enjoy getting down & dirty...it's FUN!!!!
> (and we've never had anything icky happen, which may play a part in why we still enjoy it?!)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



It's never TMI when a woman is doling out the info. :smthumbup:

Yes I'm aware that's a double standard.

Yes, I am completely fine with that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I didn't answer your poll because it's not complete enough.

It's become more acceptable but is still not common place.

I've tried it and liked it until I suffered permanent damage from it.

To me it's dangerous.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

"No holes barred"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> "No holes barred"


Maybe not for you.... but definitely barred for us!


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

not tmi!? : ) good to know!
If it ever hurt though & my husband wasn't being so careful, I could definitely see how it could cause damage! Ouch! I find it erotic & sensual because we are so slow & easy about it...well, until I give the go ahead for more action. We just have to be aware of what's going on & IN the moment so that we can fully enjoy it while being fully aware of what's happening. 
It definitely takes LOADS of trust from the woman!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> not tmi!? : ) good to know!
> If it ever hurt though & my husband wasn't being so careful, I could definitely see how it could cause damage! Ouch! I find it erotic & sensual because we are so slow & easy about it...well, until I give the go ahead for more action. We just have to be aware of what's going on & IN the moment so that we can fully enjoy it while being fully aware of what's happening.
> It definitely takes LOADS of trust from the woman!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It definitely can be a very erotic and sensual experience for both parties.

Few _need_ anal sex to have a fulfilling sex life. But it's a great addition if you do it right, do it safely, and the woman involved is actually built in a way that she can receive pleasure from it. Because that really is the kicker; unlike with men, a lot of women will never receive pleasure purely from anal stimulation, even if she really is open to it. I do think a lot of men have become trained, largely from porn actually, to believe that almost all women are physically able to gain sexual pleasure from anal penetration. And that just is not true.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

porn lied to me?

I feel so betrayed


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

My wife likes it, and so do I, but once or twice I have thought I was doing anal when in fact I was doing PIV, so it can't be that different.

I think I remember reading that about 40% of women have done anal, so it is not that unusual. I don't think you should ever shy away from asking to try something new as long as you respect her decision if she says no. And, of course, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, so be prepared to be pegged if you don't want to be hypocritical.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

killjoy said:


> or is it still considered a taboo thing?
> 
> does it live up to the hype?


I don't think it is as taboo as it was before, but it's still not common. 

I've only tried anal once and will never do it again. My husband is on the larger side and it hurt like hell, which was not enjoyable for either of us. 

The anal sphincter(muscle controlling the anus) is not meant to stretch out and with repeated stretching, it may not go back to how it originally was(problems with incontinence, hemorrhoids, among other issues). It is easy to damage that muscle and I would never risk that myself. I would share a link to some examples of women who had to have the sphincter muscle surgically repaired from damage from anal sex, but they show some graphic pictures along with it, so I will spare you that. Just something to think about...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> porn lied to me?
> 
> I feel so betrayed


You are so BAD!! :rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

karma*girl said:


> not tmi!? : ) good to know!
> If it ever hurt though & my husband wasn't being so careful, I could definitely see how it could cause damage! Ouch! I find it erotic & sensual because we are so slow & easy about it...well, until I give the go ahead for more action. We just have to be aware of what's going on & IN the moment so that we can fully enjoy it while being fully aware of what's happening.
> It definitely takes LOADS of trust from the woman!


I can tell you from experience that damage can happen even if you are both being careful and going slow.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> porn lied to me?
> 
> I feel so betrayed


I know, right! Why didn't anybody tell us!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> I don't think it is as taboo as it was before, but it's still not common.


Every single shred of evidence suggests that not only is the practice of anal sex old as dust, but it's also very common these days, at least in some societies. It's estimated that between 30-40% of women have participated in anal sex in the US alone.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

This poll is going to be very skewed simply because of the audience. Obviously people on TAM are going to be a lot more open to at least discussing sex and therefore are more likely to be willing to try new things.

Out of any of the relationships I've had, only one woman was open enough for anal. She loved it so it was never an issue ... but she was into everything. The others all made it VERY clear it wasn't going to happen.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

^^possibly!^^
I know other women who deny it without ever trying it & some who are in my camp, do it on occasion, enjoy it & luckily are not damaged by it. 
Holy moly, if that was the case, I'd have bowed out a long time ago. It's been a long time that we've been doing it & luckily I'm in tact down there..for me at least are quite flexible...lol!
I imagine if we did it all the time & were more rough with it, damage would be inevitable.
Every woman's body responds in its own way, which is to be expected & respected! ( :
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I don't agree with the "damage is inevitable" perspective.

Can damage happen? Absolutely. Is damage inevitable, even if you have lots of anal sex? No.

There are plenty of gay men who spend a lifetime engaging in anal sex, and little, or no, adverse effect.

It's important to warn people of the potential dangers of anal sex, even when performed properly, but it shouldn't be taught as an inevitable consequence to anal penetration.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

wnycontractor said:


> I noted my wife loved finger play during foreplay.


My wife is the same way, but refuses to try PIA because she thinks I'm too big and will do some damage. During a 69, she loves when I slide my finger back there and play along the rim, but she wants no part of actual insertion.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> This poll is going to be very skewed simply because of the audience. Obviously people on TAM are going to be a lot more open to at least discussing sex and therefore are more likely to be willing to try new things


I have found TAM to be one of the most conservative forums I have been on.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

^ I agree. If there was damage to be done, after 20 years, it probably would've happened by now..to me at least.

But again, each woman's body will respond in its own way...like 'HELL NO!' or 'hmmm maybe???' Or 'YES PLEASE!!' 

I was a 'maybe' until I evolved into a 'yes!'

It's also worth mentioning that there is the size incompatibility issue & for some women it may be an absolute no depending on the size of their partner in contrast with the size/flexibility of their own body. My experience has been positive, but of course every experience is unique & should be respected.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> I was a 'maybe' until I evolved into a 'yes!'


*Warning frank sexual discussion ahead! 
* 

That was my wife. Open, but not sold. I didn't push. The first time we tried it, with just a single finger, it was uncomfortable and not pleasurable at all for her. I didn't mention it again. Next time we tried it was 100% her idea, and even then I declined. I said that if she could try anal masturbation herself, and she enjoyed it, we would proceeded slowly. She did, she _loved_ it, I loved watching it, had her first anal-gasm, and it took off from there...at a very slow, but enjoyable, pace.



karma*girl said:


> It's also worth mentioning that there is the size incompatibility issue & for some women it may be an absolute no depending on the size of their partner in contrast with the size/flexibility of their own body. My experience has been positive, but of course every experience is unique & should be respected.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even size incompatibilities can be handled. I can not remotely enter my wife fully, and it takes quite a bit of effort to even get in. But what she did discover was an overall love for the sensation of both penetration AND stimulation around that area. So she's aroused not just after penetration, but during the attempts to penetrate, or just enjoying the feeling of stimulation around her anus. 

That's why I encourage couples to be open, patient, and realize there is no "right" or "wrong" as long as you find pleasure. Even if the fit isn't perfect, she might enjoy rimming, partial penetration, and fingering. It might be an exciting addition to your sexal repretiore even without going all the way.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> I have found TAM to be one of the most conservative forums I have been on.


Maybe, but just the fact that people are posting here makes them a little more open to the dialogue. I know a LOT of people who would never consider posting on a site like this or sharing their thoughts on the subject ... those are the truly conservative people.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

I have tried it before. The actual sensation is somewhat pleasurable, but afterwards, it makes you feel like you have to go poop, which I didn't like.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I don't know why some people make such a big deal over anal. Some people like it...don't don't. Like most sexual activities. Some people act like this is either A MUST or a NEVER EVEN TALK ABOUT IT. Both ends of that spectrum seem a little nutty to me. It's just something to explore as a couple and find out if you're both open to it...again, like most sex acts. 

I don't see any reason you can't ask her about it. My husband and I do anal...and we both love it. It's actually better than I ever thought it would be before I tried it. Not at ALL overrated.

But...that depends on the person. There are things some people love that I don't get off on.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

SouthernMiss said:


> I don't see any reason you can't ask her about it. My husband and I do anal...and we both love it. It's actually better than I ever thought it would be before I tried it. Not at ALL overrated.


You better tell your husband to hold on tight because me thinks a lot of men would be barreling down your door otherwise!


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

we have never tried - or ever really considered it, i don't think. i would probably be less threatening as an "enterer" than most, but hasn't really come up.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Anal is nice But I love her mouth too much and want to be there every chance I get and a$$ to mouth only works in porn


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