# I am numb.. will I ever have feelings again?



## justnumb (May 24, 2011)

So this is my first post. In a nutshell, the past 7 years have been hell. Our son began to exhibit some behavioral and mood problems, and my husband checked out. At the time the kids were 7, and 3 and 3. He became a workaholic, using work as his excuse to avoid anything that had to do with the family. He was unreasonable, there was lots of fighting, no spending time with the kids, and the less he was around, the owrse our son acted with me. I took my son to doctors, therapists program after program, and as he got older, I realized that he treated me and his sisters, the way his father treated us when he was at home.

I tried to get my husband to see a doctor. I tried to get him to get some help for himself. It took me almost 7 years, but he finally went about 4 months ago. He also quit a side job that he had which he hated the guy the guy he worked with.

We do not have any financial problems, he has a great job, beautiful home, three wonderful children. 

While all this was happening, I was trying to keep it together, myself, the family, us. But in the process I lost myself. The battles, the abusive fighting with the growling and intimidation took a toll on me. I sought help because I became depressed. It took all I had to put on the act for my children and people who I saw in public.

In the process, systemactically, my husband would sabotage all my relationships with my friends. He would alsways find something wrong with them. He wouldn't socialize, so, when the couples are going to dinner, i cna only make so many excuses, or go by myself so many times before I gave up.

Now, with some medication, my husband is acting better, but now I am numb. Now I feel as if I have been so hurt for so long. Our family has been so hurt for so long, that I get angry. I just don't feel anything. I don't have outburts, I supress everything, but I think that is killing me more.

I don't know if in time my feelings will change. It took me so long to realize that my son was just exhibiting the same behavior as his father, that 7 years went by. 

My other fear, if I had already divorced him, I didn't think he would ever see his children. He would never make time for them. Just as his father did. I felt that if he lived here and he didn't make time for us or them, then if he moved out, he would never see them.

I am at wits end! I am seeing a counselor, and yesterday we had a session, the two of us, at our sons counselor. It was the first time I spoke about our relationship. and how I felt that if the yelling didn't stop, our son would not get better. I told him how traumatized I was, and that I think our son feels the same way. That we both need to be on the same page when parenting.

There is always some form of raising your voice with children, but not the pyscho, aggressiveness my husband exhibits. 

My husband told the counselor we would discuss us later.. and he has been quiet and withdrawn ever since. I tried to talk and he said he was fine.

I just don't know where to go from here...

I'll take any advice! Thanks


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. You have to stop trying to change your H. If you keep trying to get him to change you will only become more and more depressed. Listen to how you respond emotionally to your own choices: You trying to change your H = you very depressed and angry. 

Short of removing his vocal cords i don't think he's going to stop yelling. the hard part is that leaves you with a very tough decision. 

something that helped me tremendously in my marriage was boundaries. a counselor of mine introduced it to me and then i picked up many books, and read many websites on the subject. it really turned my life around. i went from a bitter, resentful, angry person to a calm, relatively respectful person. I read a lot of other books in addition to boundaries that helped me with my resentment. my H didn't change until i changed. not that im advocating changing to try and coerce your spouse into changing. that is also very poor boundaries.


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