# Technique to get toddlers to stop screaming



## toonces (1 mo ago)

The memory is a bit hazy as to the exact source, but a few years back I saw a video where a developmental professional was giving advice on how to stop young child from screaming, say demands during a tantrum. The idea was that the next time your child has a fit, look at them and hold your hand to your ear like you're trying to hear someone far away and say 'I can't hear you. You have to speak softer so I can hear.' Although it sounds so counterintuitive, I remember, at least, the source was very experienced with degree credentials.

Would any of you with children of this age want to give this one a whirl and see if your child responds to it? Sounds crazy enough to work, huh? Thanks for reporting back your results.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A toddler is small, but they have a huge and hungry ego.

Ergo, let em' cry, scream their heart out, but do not acquiesce to their unreasoning need for power!

Of course, sometimes, something inside them hurts and that needs attending.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

toonces said:


> The memory is a bit hazy as to the exact source, but a few years back I saw a video where a developmental professional was giving advice on how to stop young child from screaming, say demands during a tantrum. The idea was that the next time your child has a fit, look at them and hold your hand to your ear like you're trying to hear someone far away and say 'I can't hear you. You have to speak softer so I can hear.' Although it sounds so counterintuitive, I remember, at least, the source was very experienced with degree credentials.
> 
> Would any of you with children of this age want to give this one a whirl and see if your child responds to it? Sounds crazy enough to work, huh? Thanks for reporting back your results.


Kids respond to rewards. If you reward with attention when they are behaving and put them on ignore when they are acting badly and using that manipulation technique, they will learn.
James Dobson also suggested, if a child has the wants in a store and throws temper tantrums, to hire a baby sitter when you go shopping. When you get back, you tell the child what they missed, in an excited voice, so they think they missed out on something exciting. Next time, they will want to behave so they don't miss anything.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Seems like it's worth a try. I mean, it does kind of fit in with the basic behavior rule, "Don't reward bad behavior." You are refusing to listen until they do better behavior, though they are too young at the time to understand exactly what constitutes good or bad behavior, but that is how you teach them the difference in general. Withdraw attention when they are going nuts once you ascertain that there is no probable cause and wait until they are quiet and/or pleasant to tend to them and reward them with attention. Not always possible, but works with people, young and old, and animals pretty well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

UAArchangel said:


> Kids respond to rewards. If you reward with attention when they are behaving and put them on ignore when they are acting badly and using that manipulation technique, they will learn.
> James Dobson also suggested, if a child has the wants in a store and throws temper tantrums, to hire a baby sitter when you go shopping. When you get back, you tell the child what they missed, in an excited voice, so they missed out on something exciting. Next time, they will want to behave so they don't miss anything.


I don't know how my mother did it, but somehow I just knew at an early age not to throw a fit or interrupt adult visitors, which were rare. I threw two fits I know of. One was in a grocery store when I was maybe 4 because my cuddle toy got left behind. I didn't get in trouble for that. One was because my sister drank the last Coke like always and I finally got fed up with it, and I got in trouble for that, while she skated and gloated.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know how my mother did it, but somehow I just knew at an early age not to throw a fit or interrupt adult visitors, which were rare. I threw two fits I know of. One was in a grocery store when I was maybe 4 because my cuddle toy got left behind. I didn't get in trouble for that. One was because my sister drank the last Coke like always and I finally got fed up with it, and I got in trouble for that, while she skated and gloated.


It is said that there is no such thing as sibling rivalry. It's war!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

toonces said:


> The memory is a bit hazy as to the exact source, but a few years back I saw a video where a developmental professional was giving advice on how to stop young child from screaming, say demands during a tantrum. The idea was that the next time your child has a fit, look at them and hold your hand to your ear like you're trying to hear someone far away and say 'I can't hear you. You have to speak softer so I can hear.' Although it sounds so counterintuitive, I remember, at least, the source was very experienced with degree credentials.
> 
> Would any of you with children of this age want to give this one a whirl and see if your child responds to it? Sounds crazy enough to work, huh? Thanks for reporting back your results.


I give my granddaughter a Klondike bar. Works like a charm.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I find when kids are screaming if you get down on their level and get close to them like nose to nose and then scream at the top of your lungs, why are we screaming, they stop.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

My grandmother used to tell me that she was shutting her ears off and then proceed to ignore me. A tantrum without an audience loses its appeal quickly.

I was very disappointed to grow up and find that I didn't develop the ability to turn off my ears.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

There is no winning this contest of wills.

Toddlers do not compromise.
It is not in their nature.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ignore the tantrums if you are home and they might be extinguished.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Duct tape


Just kidding.


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## Leeame (Apr 13, 2021)

toonces said:


> The memory is a bit hazy as to the exact source, but a few years back I saw a video where a developmental professional was giving advice on how to stop young child from screaming, say demands during a tantrum. The idea was that the next time your child has a fit, look at them and hold your hand to your ear like you're trying to hear someone far away and say 'I can't hear you. You have to speak softer so I can hear.' Although it sounds so counterintuitive, I remember, at least, the source was very experienced with degree credentials.
> 
> Would any of you with children of this age want to give this one a whirl and see if your child responds to it? Sounds crazy enough to work, huh? Thanks for reporting back your results.


Absolutely not. 
A toddler has very big emotions with very small vocabulary. They are experiencing more feeling than they can convey and if you ignore or mock you will create attachment issues. 
The first 5 years are vital in making important life long Neuro connections. Here is a detailed breakdown of why tantrums happen and how to effectively manage them:

When children have tantrums, they might scream, become aggressive or run away.
For young children, tantrums happen when they’re overwhelmed by strong emotions.
Older children might have tantrums because they haven’t yet learned safe ways to express or manage feelings.
You can reduce tantrums by talking with children about feelings.
When a tantrum is happening, acknowledge children’s feelings. Work on managing feelings when children are calm.
*What are tantrums?*
Tantrums come in all shapes and sizes.
They can involve spectacular explosions of anger, frustration and disorganised behaviour – when your child ‘loses it’.
You might see screaming, stiffening limbs, an arched back, kicking, falling down, flailing about or running away. In some cases, children hold their breath, vomit, break things or hurt themselves or other people as part of a tantrum.
*Why tantrums happen*
Tantrums are common in *children aged 1-3 years*.
This is because young children are still at an early stage of social, emotional and language development. They can’t always communicate their needs and feelings, including the desire to do things for themselves, so they might get frustrated. And they’re learning that how they behave influences others. So tantrums are one of the ways that young children express and manage feelings, and try to understand or change what’s going on around them.
*Older children* can have tantrums too. This can be because they haven’t yet learned safe ways to express or manage feelings.
For both *toddlers and older children*, there are things that can make tantrums more likely to happen:

Temperament – this influences how quickly and strongly children react to things like frustrating events or changes in their environment. Children who are more sensitive might be more easily upset by these things.
Stress, hunger, tiredness and overstimulation – these can make it harder for children to express and manage feelings and stay calm.
Situations that children just can’t cope with – for example, a toddler might have trouble coping if an older child takes a toy away.
Strong emotions – worry, fear, shame and anger can be overwhelming for children.
These are a few things you can do to make tantrums less likely to happen:

Help your child understand their emotions. You can do this from birth by using words to label feelings like ‘happy’, ‘sad’, ‘cross’, ‘tired’, ‘hungry’ and ‘comfy’.
Identify tantrum triggers like tiredness, hunger, worries, fears or overstimulation. You might be able to plan for these situations and avoid the triggers – for example, by going shopping after your child has had a nap or something to eat.
When your child handles a difficult situation without a tantrum, encourage them to tune in to how this feels. For example, ‘I just saw you build that tower again without getting upset when it fell. How did that feel? Did you feel strong and calm?’
Talk about emotions after a tantrum when your child is calm. For example, ‘Did you throw that toy because you were cross that it wasn’t working? What else could you have done?’
Model positive reactions to stress. For example, ‘I’m worried this traffic is making us late. If I take some deep breaths, it will help me stay calm’.
For toddlers, time-in works well – stay close, offer comfort, and reassure children that you understand their feelings.
Make sure that your child and others nearby are safe. This might mean carrying your child somewhere else if you need to.
Once your child is in a safe place, calmly acknowledge the emotion they’re expressing – speak slowly and in a low voice.
Stay quietly with your child until they calm down. Touch or hold them if they want you to, or give them more physical space if they need it. Don’t try to reason with your child.
Be consistent about not giving in to demands. This will help your child learn that tantrums don’t help them get what they want.
Try a ‘paradoxical instruction’. This means giving your child permission to scream and shout until they’re ready to stop. For example, ‘You can yell louder if you want to. It’s a big park and we’re not bothering anyone’.
Comfort your child when they’ve calmed down. A tantrum is distressing for everyone. 


*I Hope this information is taken advantage of. Good luck 😃*


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## JohnPBailey (23 d ago)

toonces said:


> The memory is a bit hazy as to the exact source, but a few years back I saw a video where a developmental professional was giving advice on how to stop young child from screaming, say demands during a tantrum. The idea was that the next time your child has a fit, look at them and hold your hand to your ear like you're trying to hear someone far away and say 'I can't hear you. You have to speak softer so I can hear.' Although it sounds so counterintuitive, I remember, at least, the source was very experienced with degree credentials.
> 
> Would any of you with children of this age want to give this one a whirl and see if your child responds to it? Sounds crazy enough to work, huh? Thanks for reporting back your results.


My mother and father would give us boys something really to cry about if we ever threw a temper tamtrum or acted like a baby who didn't get his way. It was something like an old-fashioned back hand across the chops and it worked very well, to be quite frank. Children must learn early on that this world is not a constant everyday birthday cake.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

toonces said:


> The memory is a bit hazy as to the exact source, but a few years back I saw a video where a developmental professional was giving advice on how to stop young child from screaming, say demands during a tantrum. The idea was that the next time your child has a fit, look at them and hold your hand to your ear like you're trying to hear someone far away and say 'I can't hear you. You have to speak softer so I can hear.' Although it sounds so counterintuitive, I remember, at least, the source was very experienced with degree credentials.
> 
> Would any of you with children of this age want to give this one a whirl and see if your child responds to it? Sounds crazy enough to work, huh? Thanks for reporting back your results.


My kid has tantrums most of the day with head banging, and says four words. Hard to get my kid to speak softly, although I wish I could do that. If you have any good video's for calming an autistic toddlers, please feel free to post!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

When my younger son tried tantrums I'd tell him that nobody cares and walk away. He'd get mad, follow me, and resume his tantrum. I'd keep walking away and eventually he'd stop, then I'd ask him what was up and he'd get his attention.

Eventually he realized that tantrums didn't get him what he wanted and stopped. Kids are smart like that.


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## JohnPBailey (23 d ago)

Sometimes love is tough love. Parents who cared hit their children. It's a disservice to your children and to mankind to be too soft. Spare the rod, spoil the child.


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## JohnPBailey (23 d ago)

GC1234 said:


> My kid has tantrums most of the day with head banging, and says four words. Hard to get my kid to speak softly, although I wish I could do that. If you have any good video's for calming an autistic toddlers, please feel free to post!


My father would say just slap the devil out of the little punk.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Corgi Mum said:


> My grandmother used to tell me that she was shutting her ears off and then proceed to ignore me. A tantrum without an audience loses its appeal quickly.
> 
> I was very disappointed to grow up and find that I didn't develop the ability to turn off my ears.


Noise blocking headphones?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

JohnPBailey said:


> Sometimes love is tough love. Parents who cared hit their children. It's a disservice to your children and to mankind to be too soft. Spare the rod, spoil the child.


Says the man with no children.


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