# Sole parents with children and dating



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Hi Everyone,

I am interested in your thoughts about sole/single parents with children and future dating relationships. I have been separated for over 2 years and my divorce is scheduled for next month. I know of a few people that wouldn't consider dating a single mother or father as it is a ready made family. What I think a lot don't understand is that most of us are not looking for a replacement father figure for our children as they already have one, but all things that a relationship is. I don't know how many men or women would consider dating someone with children. Is this seen as a challenge? or is it just too hard for some?

The age of my children is: 12, 7 and 4.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I would think that it is greatly contingent upon the age of the children in question as well as the ages of the two "daters!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

How old are you? Do you do shared care with your ex? 

IME divorced parents tend to gravitate towards other divorced parents. I was 40+ when I got back out there and all the men I dated had kids and preferred to meet women with kids, a mutual understanding of parenting life is important to many people.

TBH at my age I would be very wary of a man that had not been married/have kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are people who will date others with children. Often they are divorced and have children themselves.

I think that the most important thing at first is to do your dating when your children are with their other parent. Wait a while (6 months to a year) before introducing your children to a person you date. They just do not need the confusion.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Holland said:


> How old are you? Do you do shared care with your ex?
> 
> IME divorced parents tend to gravitate towards other divorced parents. I was 40+ when I got back out there and all the men I dated had kids and preferred to meet women with kids, a mutual understanding of parenting life is important to many people.
> 
> TBH at my age I would be very wary of a man that had not been married/have kids.


Hi, I'm 37. The children are in shared care. The current arrangement is 1 week each.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> There are people who will date others with children. Often they are divorced and have children themselves.
> 
> I think that the most important thing at first is to do your dating when your children are with their other parent. Wait a while (6 months to a year) before introducing your children to a person you date. They just do not need the confusion.[/QUOTE
> 
> This is very important advice, timing is so important. Their father on the other hand did not do this.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Ok so week on/off is what we do and TBH as hard as it is to be without the kids it actually allows you to have the best of both worlds. 

I agree with Ele, wait plenty of time before introducing the kids to any prospective partner. Same as you my twithead ex did the opposite and it was a disaster. In the end they were only together a couple of months anyway so he could have saved all the hassle by not including his kids.

I have re partnered and we waited just over 9 months before introducing kids, total of 5 between us. We sought professional guidance first and planned out how we would do it, an event in the City which went well because we were all so busy looking at displays, light shows etc that there was no pressure to have to talk or feel awkward.
Anyway short answer, yes plenty of people will specifically seek others with children as they have an understand of parenting.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Holland said:


> Ok so week on/off is what we do and TBH as hard as it is to be without the kids it actually allows you to have the best of both worlds.
> 
> I agree with Ele, wait plenty of time before introducing the kids to any prospective partner. Same as you my twithead ex did the opposite and it was a disaster. In the end they were only together a couple of months anyway so he could have saved all the hassle by not including his kids.
> 
> ...



My 4-year old is struggling with the weekly arrangement. I am hoping to change it after our property settlement. I won't split the children up but the current arrangment isn't really working for the children.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Threeblessings said:


> My 4-year old is struggling with the weekly arrangement. I am hoping to change it after our property settlement. I won't split the children up but the current arrangment isn't really working for the children.


Yep it can be hard on the younger ones. My youngest was 6 at the time (all are teenagers now) and a full week was too hard on her and me TBH. We ended up doing a different version of 50/50, sort of week on/off but the kids went to the other parent for Wednesday night. So we have equal time but stopped doing the full week in one go.
Then as my oldest got to the end of Secondary College it was too hard for him to do the Wednesday night thing, so many school books it was just too difficult for him. So at that time he did not do the Wednesday night change.
Now he is about to start Uni he can just do as he pleases and stay at which ever house he wants. 
My ex is about to move closer to my suburb so it will be easier for the kids to go from house to house.

I hope you can get it sorted. It does get easier as the kids get older and more independent.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I have two children 7 and 9. I am a mid 40s woman and I am currently dating a man 10 years older with grown kids. I think that honestly we will not end up together as he is done raising kids and I have a long way to go. It has been 10 months and he still hasnt met the kids. 

Honestly if we break up, I think I would stick to men who are currently parenting their own kids.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

At your age range you won't have any issue finding men who also have kids and are willing to date a single mother. Plenty of us out there


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

.[/QUOTE

This is very important advice, timing is so important. Their father on the other hand did not do this.[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be overly ridged about timelines. I think you'll find this changes when you are really serious about someone


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> .[/QUOTE
> 
> This is very important advice, timing is so important. Their father on the other hand did not do this.


I wouldn't be overly ridged about timelines. I think you'll find this changes when you are really serious about someone[/QUOTE]

Not sure I agree. It also turns out he is letting his girlfriend look after our kids when I am not with him. I don't know her and I don't agree with it!


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I have recently started to venture out into the dating world again. I have one son, who is young. Here's what I have been able to observe so far. Some guys in a social setting will be talking to you and when you mention your kids, their face will fall. Those guys aren't going to be interested and obviously, won't be interesting to you since I'm sure you value your kids a lot. Having said that, there have been many people who are open to dating women with kids. Online dating has been slightly helpful because it allows you to specify you have kids, and guys are able to see that going in. I'm sure you have enough common sense to do basic background checks on your dates because of any potential danger to your kids. I add to that, observing anyone who is creepily interested in your kids really early on and asking lots of odd questions. Lose them quickly. Then, there are a few first dates I have been on where a guy will sort of catch onto the fact that a good chunk of your time and attention will be devoted to your kids. You'll find yourself talking about them sometimes. If they have a problem with that, they weed themselves out pretty quickly. That leaves the remaining guys, many of whom have kids themselves. That's your current dating pool. Among them I'm sure there will be people who share some common interests. I'm sure you've heard this already, but refrain from introducing your kids to a man until you're sure it's serious. It's a lot to ask of children to allow them to get attached to someone new as a friend, then have them disappear if things don't work out. I have by no means figured out this modern dating thing, but that's as far as I can figure it. Best of luck!


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> At your age range you won't have any issue finding men who also have kids and are willing to date a single mother. Plenty of us out there


That's comforting to know that I won't be left on the shelf .


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Threeblessings said:


> I wouldn't be overly ridged about timelines. I think you'll find this changes when you are really serious about someone


Not sure I agree. It also turns out he is letting his girlfriend look after our kids when I am not with him. I don't know her and I don't agree with it![/QUOTE]

But that's him and his choice. I was talking about you and your choice in dating. I'm just saying this

If you have a hard and fast timeline of a year and then meet a guy who falls hard for you he may not be ok waiting that long to meet the kids or for you to meet his. I would wait that long.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Threeblessings said:


> That's comforting to know that I won't be left on the shelf .


Course not. As long as you look good and take care of yourself, put yourself out there, and are open to dating it's easy to find dates


Now great relationships....those are very hard to come by, but dating is easy.


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