# Taking 'playing hard to get' to a different evel is bothering me



## michelle2012 (Jan 5, 2012)

Hi everyone,

A little background.. My husband and I will finish one year of marriage in a few days. We have known each other for almost two years now. When we first started dating, one of the initial things that I liked about him was that he was giving the relationship time and getting to know me better as a person than just try to get into my pants. At the same time, he did not come across as a complete sexless being. So it was a good balance. He is a fantastic lover. He has been with a decent number of women before (maybe 4-5). So he has some really good moves, he pays attention to what turns me on and does exactly that. Our intimate sessions leave me wanting for more! I on the other hand had never gone all the way with any guy before marriage. Kissing and making out with clothes on was the maximum. 

Now the problem part. Even when we were engaged, a year back, there were times when the situation totally demanded sex!! Like we were out in the rains one night, came home drenched and took a bath together. No sex! Another time, before marriage, my folks were going to be out of town. He used to be over at my place all the time. But on the last 'home alone' day, we just cuddled without having sex!! It left me with a confused feeling as to am I missing something here??!! Shouldn't we be totally doing it right now??!!

I understand that the frequency of sex does reduce over a period of time. But we haven't even completed a year yet!! I have tried everything. I give him space on weekdays because I understand that he is exhausted and has another long day the next day (Just FYI, we have also had times when we have a really early day the next day but we are still up till like 3 am doing it. So he is not really a 'need 8 hours of sleep anyhow' type guy). I have come on to him, thrown myself at him (I am his wife so I know the level to which I can act ****ty with him and get away with it). And he will kiss me passionately, turn me on, and then just pat my back and be like ok, we gotta sleep or we are getting late to go somewhere or some equally random reason.

What is the reason? He is a veryyyyyy romantic guy. To the extent that it annoys me sometimes. The minute I leave the room to go into the kitchen, he will call out my name. He will always pull me towards him and make me sit close to him. The way he talks to me, the way he calls me from work every time he gets free, the little things he does show respect and love towards me. So there is definitely no other woman or anything. So why this sporadic interest in sex?? He checks out other women, watches porn, was known to flirt with women before marriage. He almost has homophobia!! So then what is it?? I have even asked him once or twice. I felt like a total **** and totally rejected when i was coming onto to him and he just turned me down!! I told him I have a greater sex drive than him. He gave me an answer which made me feel a little bad and stupid about reacting that way. Do not really remember what he said. But basically it was like you are making a mountain out of a molehill kind of a response. Earlier whether or not we had sex during the week, the weekends were reserved for that. No matter what!! (except when I was on my period of course.) And it was great!

So after my endless rambling. My question to the guys. Am I making a big deal about this? I have always imagined my sex life to be mind blowing. And truth is, it IS when it happens. I would love him to be aggressive and overpowering. But he "assumes" that I am tired or something and just lets it go!! Fine. Fair enough. When I am giving him all the possible hints, how difficult is it? I just do not know what to do. I feel guilty masturbating. Because once or twice I did and then after a day or two, we ended up doing it. So I wished I had held on. I am slowly losing my sex drive. I just assume that its not going to happen today. Whether I dress up provocatively, do stuff to him, try turning him on, its just not going to happen. HELP!!!


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Communicate, initiate, and appreciate.


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## michelle2012 (Jan 5, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> Communicate, initiate, and appreciate.


Communicated. Initiated. Appreciate what??


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

michelle2012 said:


> Now the problem part. Even when we were engaged, a year back, there were times when the situation totally demanded sex!! Like we were out in the rains one night, came home drenched and took a bath together. No sex! Another time, before marriage, my folks were going to be out of town. He used to be over at my place all the time. But on the last 'home alone' day, we just cuddled without having sex!! It left me with a confused feeling as to am I missing something here??!! Shouldn't we be totally doing it right now??!!


I am not sure, were you waiting? If you were not waiting, did you tell him you wanted sex?




> I have come on to him, thrown myself at him (I am his wife so I know the level to which I can act ****ty with him and get away with it). And he will kiss me passionately, turn me on, and then just pat my back and be like ok, we gotta sleep or we are getting late to go somewhere or some equally random reason.


Ok, so you did tell him. Now after he pats you on his back, pat him on his crotch and let him know you are not done yet.


If you want or need something, get it.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

He avoids sex and acts homophobic?

Oh, dear. I said this once today already, and I really don't want to say it again, but you need to consider the possibility that your husband is closeted gay man. I'm so sorry.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I'm a bit confused. Do you have sex? Is it that it's less often than you'd like? How often does he initiate? 

I wouldn't be jumping on the gay bandwagon just yet, unless he's watching gay porn. Maybe he just has a low libido.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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