# Grandma Died....I'm sooo Angry!!!



## brat30 (Dec 7, 2011)

My grandma has been sick for some time now (although) she never complained so you would never know, she had one working kidney, and recently within the last week she had a stroke (she was 80) she took a very bad turn for the worst and also had a major heart attack and my aunt decided to "pull the plug on Grandma." to allow her to go in Grandma's own time...she went into a Coma like stake (this is what my mum said) Tuesday Grandma died....And wedsday i went down to be with my mother and was there till later friday...I'm writting because I need alittle support I'm not so much at the point where i'm crying but im really angrry in generl because its christmas....im angry because everyone is all excited about christmas and its irritating to me during such a loss....Grandma was like a secound mother to me (I'm 29) and When my mother worked Grandma babysat us, and while I got older i didnt really see her much but we talked ocassinally and We still maintained a realtionship and we loved each other but the whole "holiday" thing feels like "crap" and All i keep feeling is like I've been "cheated" and I feel angry with all the facebook messages about happiness and excitment, I also find it irritating that my neice (who's 16 is all about presents and her brother whos 11) thats all they talked about) I understand they maybe having issues dealing but it was really upsetting that they wouldnt shut up about gifts! And my other issue is my mother she really is "loosing it" she freaked when she saw my Grandmother in the casket (I mean she screamed) and freaked out, I beleive she has some "mental health" issues like myself to begin with but wont deal with them...but she is doing things like drinking and smoking pot and not dealing with the problems in a healthy matter, she was crying so much the last few days i was there i was really worried....I dont have anyone to turn to as far as to talk to (i have a husband and i can talk to him) but we both tried to do what we could for Mum...I am still very concerned I couldnt stay there for my Mum i live 2 hours away and i had to get home. Why am I so Angry and not sad? It seems to be like "Little things." Oh and she has this man she has been with since i was little (but he's a jerk) really abusive to me as a child (verbally) and whenever she cried he just left the room!!! He yelled at me constantly when i was there on my own! Can anyone Give me some advice as to why im angry or what to do or how i can Help my Mum...My sisters are just so into their own self pitty they really are no help...Ive tried to be as strong as i can (for Mum).


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

I went through the same thing last year in october when my dad passed away. I felt cheated by God I felt like he punished me for something I never knew what exactly. My mum went through a bad state she never spoke, cried or screamed she held his hand when he went. She went to sleep and early morning started screaming for my dad which was horrible to witness. I understand your anger my advice would be to stay strong and be there for your mum everyone has their own way to deal with the loss of a loved one. As its close to xmas you will be more irrate with the talk of xmas but try not to show it, it will be hard but stay strong.

p.s sorry for your loss


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## brat30 (Dec 7, 2011)

Thanks for responding S.K, Yes its hard especially at Christmas Im irritated because everyone is so "happy and cheerful.." and i cannot be happy....and everywhere i turn i see people with good news,new life and miricales and Grandma had to leave us at a time when is supose to be a happy and time of "New life". Grandma was so special to us and had such an inpact. I am trying so very hard to be strong and trying to keep everything together actually im the youngest and yet the only one that seems to be able to be unselfish and helping Mum during her time of need. My sisters are all about their own selfishness. I can't get into the "christmas Mood or sprit". thers all these christmas decortations around me and yet it feels like christmas is going to come and go and i don't really care either way (its a good thing i am childless) (another sad story) but anyways I'm irritated with all the happy crap in my time of sadness i know its nobody fault and she held on as long as she possibly could but it still is upsetting and i am at my own point of grief...and Mum needs to deal with her grief the way she does But ive told her i will be there for her too! Thanks for the support and i'm sorry for your loss too.


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Just think of it this way your grandma lived her life to the full she saw you grow up be a bride those are the thoughts to hang on to. Im sure your grandma wouldnt want you feeling angry and upset im sure she would want you to live your life with her memories in mind. Thanks


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## brat30 (Dec 7, 2011)

ty


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

No probs


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Brat, the only way to get through the grief is to just live through it. There are stages of grief, we have them for a reason. Anger is one of the stages. Everyone processes them differently and in their own time.

One thing I do when I've lost someone and feel like this is to get a cup of tea, find a comfortable chair and sit there, feel the anger/pain/whatever and just let it flow. We are meant to feel it so I don't fight it... not for a while anyway. I find that helps it pass faster.

Your grandmother will always live in your mind and in the minds of those who loved her. Go there are remember her.

And don't be hard on the young ones, they were probably not as close to her as you were and as children they will have their own way of dealing with it.

The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief
The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Anger IS one of the seven stages of grief.

(Plus, not everyone goes thru all stages...) Some people get hung on a stage until they are mentally healthy enough to move on.

I feel for you , and wish I had something poignant to say. I honestly feel like I really don't have much to give you.. I hope that you can realize from an outside standpoint... that (as my grandma used to always say) "This too shall pass." At some point, both your mom and you will get to a calmer level.

She will find someone to lean on. In her own way, she really will. You will find someway to scream out your anger, and some point in the future remember your Grandmother with only happy thoughts.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I agree with EleGirl.. Don't be hard on the kids. I would also imagine that they were less attached/ emotionally involved with their great grandmother as you are .

And they are probably too young to realize the grief you are trying to deal with. If you feel like you are "ruining" their christmas because of your mood.. don't. They too will eventually get over whatever happens now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> *Anger IS one of the seven stages of grief.*
> 
> (Plus, not everyone goes thru all stages...) Some people get hung on a stage until they are mentally healthy enough to move on.
> 
> ...


When I googled for stages of grief, some sites had 7 some had 5. I think that the sites with 5 just combine some of them.

To Brat,

If you want some info on grief why not search for the stages of grief. I think that could help a lot.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Brat,

Something that might help you and your family with the loss is to set up a memorial site for your grandmother. We did this when my mom passed away. The site we used is Legacy.com

We sent emails to the family and friends all over the world asking for photos, stories, etc. Then we put them on the site. It's a beautiful tribute to her life. Unlike an obituary it can be there for years. Plus you can have it all printed out as a book for those of you who were very close to her.

It would give all of you a project. There is nothing better for grief then a project... for me anyway. It might be a way that you can help your mother handle this long distance.


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