# NC broken at 5 months post D-Day



## henley (Feb 29, 2012)

Well... I'm back. I've come to realize being away doesn't mean things are all fantastic though. Mostly that there has been so little change it isn't worth updating about!

However, today was another story. 

Things have been very tense between H and I for the last 2 weeks. No real reason although we are both feeling very stressed/drained/exhausted from the last few months and we have been working opposite shifts for work (me days, him nights). Still aren't back living together (although he came and went several times) and although things had been looking up for a while, it really is the worst it has been right now.

So I hadn't heard from him any more than a text or 2 for the past 2 days and any time I tried to get a hold of him his phone was going right to voicemail and his mail box was full. Finally I texted him and said, did I do something wrong. He responded quite some time later that it wasnt anything I had done, but rather he was feeling really stressed because the OW had been trying to contact him for the last 3 days. She had been calling him incessantly. Apparently I found out after the fact she has broken up with the OWM "for good" and that her dad just died recently. My H essentially told me, not to worry, he was screening his calls and had no interest in talking to her and thats why his phone had been off. She had left at least one voicemail and it was just like a pocket dial type message with nothing actually in it. He was keeping the mailbox full so she couldn't leave another. He said she hadn't texted him at this point. 

My response - change your phone number

His response - I think it's done, I haven't heard from her in a bit

That was yesterday. Today she continued to call. No real contact between my H and I as I was working. When I got home from work he had already left, significantly earlier than he needs to leave. I found out from a friend of ours that he had gone to work early because the OW had texted him saying that she wasn't leaving town until he talked to her and that she was going to wait outside his place till he came home. So to avoid the whole thing he left early for work

Frankly at this point I was doing backflips. Clearly she is a b*tch but he was doing mostly all the right things. Ignoring her primarily. Although I could have used a bit more communication between us.

Then he sends me a text..... "I texted her - shes never going to bother me again" 

I could have seriously slaughtered someone. I think I had a mini-rage black out. Like he could have changed his number, blocked her number, called the cops and said she was harassing him... ANNNNYTHING else.... but instead he acknowledged her.

I checked the phone statement and there were 4 texts sent from him.... He told me all he said to her was "You can't talk to me".... and unless he broke that up like a word per text thats is total BS.

I am soo soo mad, and I dont even know what to do. Part of me wants to hunt down the OW and give her a piece of my mind. The other part of me just wants to quit trying for R. 5 months of talking has done nothing clearly if he chooses to comfort the OW over her ****ty life circumstances. I may sound insensitive cause I realize loosing a family member is tough, but seriously, I don't owe her anything. She (They I should really say) pissed on our marriage like it was no more important than dirt. 

What to do, what to do?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why can't he show you the 4 texts he sent?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

Shaggy is absolutely correct. Your H broke NC, he needs to be totally transparent now. If he says he deleted the sent texts, you have a problem, and need to think long and hard about the consequences.

You gave him an out, told him to change his number, so basically he consciously chose to do it his way, against your wishes. Certainly does not look like R to me.


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## Seesaw (Jun 5, 2012)

Yes, see the texts and if they are deleted that is a massive red flag.

Also, no way you sound insensitive. Don't even let that bit into your brain for a second. Insensitive would be to run her over twice rather than just once (joke, obviously).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

henley said:


> My response - change your phone number
> 
> His response - I think it's done, I haven't heard from her in a bit


Considering all the fishing that OW is doing, this speaks volumes about his commitment toward R and his lack of concern for your feelings.

If he was truly remorseful, he should be moving heaven and earth to make you feel safe. He would have been texting you his new phone number in less than 30 minutes after you asked him to.

I'm so sorry about your situation because I seriously have doubts about your R.


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