# Should I stay or go?



## Bellz (Jun 8, 2010)

H having EA and do not wish to stop. Other than that, we have a lot of underlying problems. Both have been talking about divorce a few times, all under anger or pressure. I have asked him to stop contacting the girl or move out. He is still here and still contacting the girl. The thing is when i told his mother, who lives with us, she does not believe her son is cheating. She take that as a more open minded comunication and accuse me of causing trouble. Of course he is lying to her and say there's just friendship between them. 

The thing is I don't know if he's worth fighting for or not. The girl and him are "engaged" so to speak. He's always talking about what he wants in a relationship or marriage. Most important is respect, then is trust. He complaint to his mom that I do not respect him when I have anger outburst complaining about him in front of his friends and do not trust in him to be able to take care of the family. I can say that its partially true that I have lost respect and trust for him. 

Before this, we were in long distance relationship. All interaction is between him and me alone. At that time he was at least mature with me especially on serious issues. We would argue but in the end, i will give in to his logical thinking. When we stay together, there are interactions with his friends and family. That's where I start to see the childish part of him. He is the youngest in the family and is acting/being childish to almost anybody and everybody. That's when I say I prefer the more mature him. When we were apart, we were close, texting and calling daily. When we were together, he said we don't need that anymore as we're staying together. He started drifting apart and ask for more space and freedom. I am feeling more and more insecure. It turn out to be jealousy, angry outburst and complaining. My friend say I give him too much space and freedom and trust even though it made me unhappy and that turn out to be him having EA. 

Another part of it is the financial part. He said he don't mind having a wife that make more than him. I also don't mind having a husband making slightly less than me as long as not too much. I'm a Libra, so I wish for fairness above all. The ideal is we share household expenses 50/50. Up to 40/60 is still acceptable. But now, I am taking resposibility to pay for almost 95% of household expenses, which include the house. He is in financial difficulty before but now its even worst. He always say that, yeah, i'm always making less than you, if you don't like it, you can find other guy or once i'm bancrupt, you can divorce me. 

What to do with a man who is not there for me physically, emotionally and financially? We've been delaying few years having children until his financial is getting better but its not. I have set a time limit of 5 years for him and now is already the fourth. I cannot wait on forever. He knows i'm dissapointed with him but that's really how i feel. Now he's saying that he regreted marrying me.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I don't know all of your backstory, so I may be missing some things.

You need to do all you can to get him to end the affair. Expose to other people, call the other woman, stop paying "his" bills, etc. etc.

Once the EA is finished, then you can start to address these other items. Until then, his head is in a fog and he's not able to think clearly.


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## jlynn5839 (Jul 13, 2010)

Do you expose the EA to other people ? 

My H is begging me NOT to tell his family, etc. He's been nasty about it. threatening me that he'll file for alimony from me. 
He fears I am going to post it on Facebook. I am not THAT angry ................. yet. I am hurt beyond belief.


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## star71 (Jul 20, 2010)

After reading your situation, I feel that if I were in your shoes with no kids, Wow! I would leave him when he least expected it. 

Here's my story:
I felt that my H may be in a little flirting with a female co-worker or the female flirting with my H. Oh well. One night after an argument with my H earlier in the day, I passed by H's friends house when i saw that his car was there. I saw a females shoe by the front door, of my H's friends house (she was the only female in the house with five other guys), I stopped by unannounced and started yelling at my H, and yelled her name out to come out (so I can see who she is and let her know who I was). Well, I told her that you are the reason me and my H argued earlier today because you were at a party and sitting next to my H the whole time last night. I asked her bluntly, do you have something going on with my H? She said no, I am here because I was invited by Jack to come over. Yeah right what a coincidence you're in the same house with my H. Anyway, before I left, I DID apologize to the owner of the house for my loud mouth and he said, I am sorry I am the one who invited her over, H did not tell me, if I had known I would not called her to come over. He apologized, but I feel there maybe some cover up. Who knows!?

Well, so the bottom line was I exposed him, her, to the other people there, and his supervisors are aware of the incident. I am not one bit ashamed of it because I know that I had to do it to show that I will not allow that kind of bull**** to happen. We went through so many trials before and he wouldn't be where he is now if it wasn't for me supporting him all that time.
So, he knows better now otherwise it will be a large child support. He knows I got my eyes on him, if not, I will hear about it sooner or later. 

Bottom Line: Expose him! He might realize his selfish actions.:smthumbup:


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