# Wife having an affair with Co Worker



## Ricky2424

We been married since 1989, and i love her very much from first day we got married. We both same age 45 years of age. Two days ago my wife was checking her email late at night. Next morning I woke up to check my email account but she forgot to log off her account and I thought i was my account. So when I click on email, i notice someone typing dirty and asking her to move in with him. Then thats when I notice it wasnt my account. It was my wife account and was her and another guy exchanging emails. . I read it it all, my heart felt like it stop beating and I got numb all over. The wife who i love so much was having an affair. I trusted her with all my heart and soul. Their emails were full of X rated sex talk to each other. She try telling me it was harmless flirting with a guy she met few months ago on dating website. Then she tells me it was a customer she met at work. She is a cashier for department store. And that they exchange emails addresses and only chat in email only. She is a cashier for department store.I then reply back to that guy asking " who are you ? Why you having affair with my wife?". 
This is when i found out the truth. She wouldnt tell me truth so i had to get it from the guy she having affair with. He told me didnt know she was married and that she told him she was SINGLE. He said she doenst wear her wedding ring. He told me they been dating for past 2 years. And that he work with her at the department store. And they been going out for lunch and dinner, and sometimes shopping. He so upset because my wife told him she was single and now wants nothing to do with my wife. And he told me sorry, if i have known, i wouldnt never started dating her. My wife been telling me one lie after another. She tells me they never slept together while they were dating for past 2 years. Should i believe that she never slept with him ? i am so confuse, hurt, numb, and going nuts in my mind. I cant stop thinking about it. Been 2 days now and i still feel strong pains just like when first found out 2 days ago. Someone help me please! How can i deal with my broken heart.

I EDIT THIS BECAUSE I FORGOT TO ADD. SHE CLAIM WHILE THEY DATING FOR PAST 2 YEARS, SHE ONLY KISSED HIM ONCE ON SIDE OF CHEEK.


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## Shaggy

They slept together.

Edit: to add, when she thought that it would be better to claim it was a guy from a dating site she was on a few months ago, that kind of says just how bad it is.

Don't believe the OM didn't know she was married, that's very standard OM lies. You should find out if the OM has a wife or gf himself. Don't believe anything she or he tells you unless you verify it.




_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl

Been there, just the reverse. 

Stay positive....things will get better....promise.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KanDo

Ricky,
I am so sorry your are here. Nothing can prepare you for the devastation of an affair. But, does it really matter whether she was sleeping with him? She has been dating another man for 2 years and saying she is single.(oh! and I am sure she was physical. Would you date somebody for two years with nothing going on?) If you don't have any kids, get out now. This is a broken woman. There are so many wonderful women out there to take her place.


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## In_The_Wind

Ricky2424 said:


> We been married since 1989, and i love her very much from first day we got married. We both same age 45 years of age. Two days ago my wife was checking her email late at night. Next morning I woke up to check my email account but she forgot to log off her account and I thought i was my account. So when I click on email, i notice someone typing dirty and asking her to move in with him. Then thats when I notice it wasnt my account. It was my wife account and was her and another guy exchanging emails. . I read it it all, my heart felt like it stop beating and I got numb all over. The wife who i love so much was having an affair. I trusted her with all my heart and soul. Their emails were full of X rated sex talk to each other. She try telling me it was harmless flirting with a guy she met few months ago on dating website. Then she tells me it was a customer she met at work. She is a cashier for department store. And that they exchange emails addresses and only chat in email only. She is a cashier for department store.I then reply back to that guy asking " who are you ? Why you having affair with my wife?".
> This is when i found out the truth. She wouldnt tell me truth so i had to get it from the guy she having affair with. He told me didnt know she was married and that she told him she was SINGLE. He said she doenst wear her wedding ring. He told me they been dating for past 2 years. And that he work with her at the department store. And they been going out for lunch and dinner, and sometimes shopping. He so upset because my wife told him she was single and now wants nothing to do with my wife. And he told me sorry, if i have known, i wouldnt never started dating her. My wife been telling me one lie after another. She tells me they never slept together while they were dating for past 2 years. Should i believe that she never slept with him ? i am so confuse, hurt, numb, and going nuts in my mind. I cant stop thinking about it. Been 2 days now and i still feel strong pains just like when first found out 2 days ago. Someone help me please! How can i deal with my broken heart


Hi Rick sorry you are here based on her track record I wouldnt believe a thing she says. What do you want to happen ?? do you want to rebuild your marriage or divorce ?? you need to decide that the best thing you can do right now would be to take care of yourself maybe start some hobbies or do things you like to do and start exercising and eating healthy ie taking care of you its best not to make any rash decisions at the moment and keep coming back here and sharing 


Good Luck


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## mestalla guy

Shaggy said:


> They slept together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Beat me too it, yeah op, they have been having sex for at least 2 years now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

First and for most you need to deside if this is a deal breaker for you or if you will alow her to make it right and work on the marriage.

That dicision will dictate the next steps you take.

do you guys have kids?


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## warlock07

What a lying piece of %$^&. Don't believe one word she says. Of course they had sex!! Get tested for STDs.

Get control over her email account, phone and check her messages(Check the sent folder and the trash folder.). If she has a smart phone, take that too. You can retrieve deleted texts. Your aim here is too get as much truth as possible since you cannot trust your wife for it.

There might be other men too. Keep your eyes open


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## I'm The Prize

I'm so sorry you're here. Did you not think to ask the guy if they had sex? He seems to be upset that she was married. He may give up the details if you asked him. Especially since they work together and it might look bad for him if you told their boss. 

Your wife is deep in this thing and you need to do a 180 on her now. She gets nothing but the declaration that you are going to file for divorce unless she totally comes clean, stops all contact with the guy, and gives you access to all of her communication such as email, facebook, cell phone etc. You can put 180 in the search and find how to do it. There are guys on here that have been where you are. They will give you a lot of advice: follow it. 

I don't know if your marriage can be saved but I can tell you that doing nothing will ensure that it will not be.

Keep coming back. We have been there and want to help.


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## survivorwife

Ricky2424 said:


> We been married since 1989, and i love her very much from first day we got married. We both same age 45 years of age. Two days ago my wife was checking her email late at night. Next morning I woke up to check my email account but she forgot to log off her account and I thought i was my account. So when I click on email, i notice someone typing dirty and asking her to move in with him. Then thats when I notice it wasnt my account. It was my wife account and was her and another guy exchanging emails. . I read it it all, my heart felt like it stop beating and I got numb all over. The wife who i love so much was having an affair. I trusted her with all my heart and soul. Their emails were full of X rated sex talk to each other. She try telling me it was harmless flirting with a guy she met few months ago on dating website. Then she tells me it was a customer she met at work. She is a cashier for department store. And that they exchange emails addresses and only chat in email only. She is a cashier for department store.I then reply back to that guy asking " who are you ? Why you having affair with my wife?".
> This is when i found out the truth. She wouldnt tell me truth so i had to get it from the guy she having affair with. He told me didnt know she was married and that she told him she was SINGLE. He said she doenst wear her wedding ring. He told me they been dating for past 2 years. And that he work with her at the department store. And they been going out for lunch and dinner, and sometimes shopping. He so upset because my wife told him she was single and now wants nothing to do with my wife. And he told me sorry, if i have known, i wouldnt never started dating her. My wife been telling me one lie after another. She tells me they never slept together while they were dating for past 2 years. Should i believe that she never slept with him ? i am so confuse, hurt, numb, and going nuts in my mind. I cant stop thinking about it. Been 2 days now and i still feel strong pains just like when first found out 2 days ago. Someone help me please! How can i deal with my broken heart


I am so sorry you are here. You will go through a lot of different emotions as the shock wears off, but you will get great advice here. Some of the advice will sound rather harsh in that there must be consequences for your wife having betrayed your trust in her. Everything depends on what she does and/or whether she wants the marriage to continue. Having said that, you have more power than you think, and once you accept the truth, it will be time for you to make the big decisions on whether YOU want to continue. Take your time with that decision, however, for your own protection, gather as much evidence as you can, and get checked for STDs. 

Did you make copies of those emails? What about her phone? Texts? Does she delete them? Assume everything she tells you is a lie. A watered down version of the truth. Two years and he didn't know she was married? I doubt it. But he is not your problem. She is.


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## Ricky2424

survivorwife said:


> I am so sorry you are here. You will go through a lot of different emotions as the shock wears off, but you will get great advice here. Some of the advice will sound rather harsh in that there must be consequences for your wife having betrayed your trust in her. Everything depends on what she does and/or whether she wants the marriage to continue. Having said that, you have more power than you think, and once you accept the truth, it will be time for you to make the big decisions on whether YOU want to continue. Take your time with that decision, however, for your own protection, gather as much evidence as you can, and get checked for STDs.
> 
> Did you make copies of those emails? What about her phone? Texts? Does she delete them? Assume everything she tells you is a lie. A watered down version of the truth. Two years and he didn't know she was married? I doubt it. But he is not your problem. She is.


Hi, survivorwife..True i am going through mean emotions right now. I printed the emails out to show wife, she yank them from my hand and tear them up without even reading them. Then i try showing her the replies back from her lover that reply back to my email. She deleted from my email account without reading them. She try her best to delete all the emails from him. And no i dont have any emails anymore becuase she deleted them all. Also if you check at end of my message. I just edited it because i forgot to add, she claim after 2 years of dating him. She only kissed him once on side of cheek.


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## keko

2 years and no sex? BS.

If she's talking about moving in with him, its obvious how deep their relationship has gotten.

Can you forgive 2 years of lies and a fake marriage?


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## Ricky2424

I'm The Prize said:


> I'm so sorry you're here. Did you not think to ask the guy if they had sex? He seems to be upset that she was married. He may give up the details if you asked him. Especially since they work together and it might look bad for him if you told their boss.
> 
> Your wife is deep in this thing and you need to do a 180 on her now. She gets nothing but the declaration that you are going to file for divorce unless she totally comes clean, stops all contact with the guy, and gives you access to all of her communication such as email, facebook, cell phone etc. You can put 180 in the search and find how to do it. There are guys on here that have been where you are. They will give you a lot of advice: follow it.
> 
> I don't know if your marriage can be saved but I can tell you that doing nothing will ensure that it will not be.
> 
> Keep coming back. We have been there and want to help.


Hi Prize,
I didnt ask him because I figured he would lie about it. But the wife quit that job about 8 months and they no longer work together. But he told me they still been going out together. And the wife finally admitted that after her lover told me truth.


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## the guy

Nice to see such remorse from your WW (wayward wife).

She sure is making it easier for you to just let her go.

Dude, you need to show her some tough love and never beg for the marriage, get some confidence in letting her go.

Until she starts showing true remorse then do a 180 (distance your self from her and show her the indifference she diserves).


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## lordmayhem

Ricky2424 said:


> I EDIT THIS BECAUSE I FORGOT TO ADD. SHE CLAIM WHILE THEY DATING FOR PAST 2 YEARS, SHE ONLY KISSED HIM ONCE ON SIDE OF CHEEK.












I seriously hope you don't believe that. This isn't junior high school. Do not believe a word your WW says. Do not believe a word the OM says. Get the truth yourself.

Immediately put a keylogger on the computer. If you want R with her, then she needs to quit the job now. She can never work with the OM again. 

And why did you allow her to get on the computer and delete her emails?


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## Ricky2424

keko said:


> 2 years and no sex? BS.
> 
> If she's talking about moving in with him, its obvious how deep their relationship has gotten.
> 
> Can you forgive 2 years of lies and a fake marriage?


Hi Keto. I know its heard to believe, but I still love this woman very much. But it was him in the email asking her to move in with him.


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## lordmayhem

Pack her bags right now and drop her off at OMs house.


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## the guy

I know its hard to do this to the women you love, but until she sees a confident man that will not tolorate her crap she will continue to walk all over you.

Stop being a doormat and ask her to leave.

She must start facing some consequences.


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## Ricky2424

KanDo said:


> Ricky,
> I am so sorry your are here. Nothing can prepare you for the devastation of an affair. But, does it really matter whether she was sleeping with him? She has been dating another man for 2 years and saying she is single.(oh! and I am sure she was physical. Would you date somebody for two years with nothing going on?) If you don't have any kids, get out now. This is a broken woman. There are so many wonderful women out there to take her place.


Hi Kando,
I know it hurt me just as bad that they been dating behind my back for 2 years, but if they were sleeping gather, that even break my heart even more


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## lordmayhem

the guy said:


> I know its hard to do this to the women you love, but until she sees a confident man that will not tolorate her crap she will continue to walk all over you.
> 
> Stop being a doormat and ask her to leave.
> 
> She must start facing some consequences.


:iagree:

Drop her off at OMs house and tell him he can have her.


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## Complexity

Don't be so quick to believe Captain Innocent over there. 2 years dating and he didn't once inquire about where she lived, nor did he visit your home? Of course he knows she's married.

They're both playing you.

P/S put the pieces together man. Ofcourse it's a PA. Your wife "dating" this guy for 2 years, you found her sexting....it's a no brainer really


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## Ricky2424

Shaggy said:


> They slept together.
> 
> Edit: to add, when she thought that it would be better to claim it was a guy from a dating site she was on a few months ago, that kind of says just how bad it is.
> 
> Don't believe the OM didn't know she was married, that's very standard OM lies. You should find out if the OM has a wife or gf himself. Don't believe anything she or he tells you unless you verify it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Shaggy,
I know but either way it was bad saying guy from dating site or an coworker. I know its very heard to believe anything she tells me because I find out later she lied. Its one lie after another.


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## the guy

No matter how much you love them you have to push them away, She has to see what she is about to lose in order for her to get out of the fog.

It hurts bro, I know, Ive been there.

The tough love approach will show her you will no longer share her with another man.


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## the guy

Were is your wife now?

This affair is continuing and you can make it uncomfortable and inconvienent to continue.


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## keko

Ricky2424 said:


> Hi Keko. I know its heard to believe, but I still love this woman very much. But it was him in the email asking her to move in with him.


Undestandable but don't let love blind you from reality. 2 years is not a drunken one night stand, she cold heartedly cheated on you. You can forgive her but can your marriage ever be the same? Not even close. 

I would suggest you help her pack her clothes and drop her off at her boyfriends house. 

It'll suck for a while but once you see she's not the only woman in the world you'll be much happy with someone who appreciate's you as a husband.


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## jh52

Ricky:

No matter how you feel -- look at all the facts. There is little doubt that your wife and OM had a 2 year affair. Now believe what you want -- about them having sex or not --- the fact is the man asked your wife to live with him. That doesn't happen for a man unless there is a sexual/emotional connection on his part.
Face the facts -- then decide what you want.

BTW -- if your wife's lips are moving she is lying -- just like she lied for the last 2 years.

Good luck !!


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## the guy

As weak as you feel you must stand up and dust your self off and face this crap head on.

Its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.

Do not let your WW get the best of you.

You diserve good things, so keep telling your self


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## warlock07

Ricky2424 said:


> Hi, survivorwife..True i am going through mean emotions right now. I printed the emails out to show wife, she yank them from my hand and tear them up without even reading them. Then i try showing her the replies back from her lover that reply back to my email. She deleted from my email account without reading them. She try her best to delete all the emails from him. And no i dont have any emails anymore becuase she deleted them all. Also if you check at end of my message. I just edited it because i forgot to add, she claim after 2 years of dating him. She only kissed him once on side of cheek.


There is possibly more than one OM.


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## lovelygirl

Ricky2424 said:


> She CLAIM WHILE THEY DATING FOR PAST 2 YEARS, SHE ONLY KISSED HIM ONCE ON SIDE OF CHEEK.


Sorry for my cruelty but who wouldn't laugh hard at this? 
I can't believe she takes you for such a fool that she thinks you were going to buy such a blatant lie!!
With all the heavy sex talk and 2 years of dating, even Ave Maria wouldn't have resisted the temptation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem

lovelygirl said:


> Sorry for my cruelty but who wouldn't laugh hard at this?
> I can't believe she takes you for such a fool that she thinks you were going to buy such a blatant lie!!
> With all the heavy sex talk and 2 years of dating, even Ave Maria wouldn't have resisted the temptation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


IKR?

How many times have we read something like this? It's always the tip of the iceberg.


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## TDSC60

Ricky2424 said:


> Hi Keto. I know its heard to believe, but I still love this woman very much. But it was him in the email asking her to move in with him.


When you finally begin to calm down a little and think more clearly you will realize.

1. Your wife does not respect or love you and she does not want to be married to you. (Lying for two years. Not wearing her rings at work. Dating OM for two years.)

2. They had sex. (No single man will ask a woman to move in with him if they had not had sex. No single man would continue to date a woman for 2 years if all he got in return was one kiss on the cheek.) Great real!

3. Your wife is still lying to you. Why? Financial security? 

4. Your marriage has been over for more than 2 years. Your wife checked out long ago.

5. Love her or not, can you live in an open marriage while your wife dates (and has sex with) other men? Because that is what you have now.


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## the guy

We see it all the time.


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## the guy

Its only been a few days, the trickel truth will start to come.

I'm not sure, that confrontation didn't sound to good. It maybe an exit affair and WW was just buying time...to bad OP caught on before WW was ready.

Screw the fact if there was sex or not, thats a no brainer. The confrontation is a tall tale sign of how the WW goes from here.


Its a case of complete deniel in the face of undenialable evidence.


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## RWB

Ricky, 

Most of us here at CWI have been exactly where you are right now. You head is in a tail-spin. The truth is changing by the minute. Your wife has been weaving lies for 2+ years and you are coming in late to the game. 

Her nice tidy world is crumbling, disappearing before her eyes, and she is in full on defense tactics. She knew this day could happen, but never really planned, thought, or reasoned what to due. LIE? Yeah! that's what has come natural for the past 2+ years. 

Now for you... Regardless of whether you Divorce or Reconcile... it seems (from your text) that you want the truth. Words of wisdom from all that have been there... GO SLOW! Your wife's world is unraveling at warp speed. She is holding on to every detail to delay, postpone, the wrecking ball of Betrayal. 

Give her a chance by asking for the truth. If she is serious about R... maybe she will understand that TRUTH NOW is her only card left to play. 

If she is oh so vain and proud that her Dignity means more than Truth and hopefully eventually trust... "Let Her Go" (somebody help me with the thread?)


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## iheartlife

Ricky2424 said:


> Hi Shaggy,
> I know but either way it was bad saying guy from dating site or an coworker. I know its very heard to believe anything she tells me because I find out later she lied. Its one lie after another.


Ricky, she gave you a gift. You would not believe how many people don't try to verify whether or not their cheating spouse is lying. They just believe the very first things that they say when caught.

She has been very skillfully lying to you for 2 years. She has become very, very good at it, and you can no longer believe a word that she says. SHE did that, not you.

Once you figured out it was a co-worker, she had to go with the very next lie that she hoped would save her azz. And that was to claim that it was just graphic talk about sex and no actual sex. So she lied, and she lied, and she lied...so is this a lie too? You already know the answer.

If you find any more evidence, copy it and save it in a safe place. No point in giving her a chance to destroy it.

Please read No More Mr. Nice Guy. You need to learn to stand up to her. 

I also discovered my husband's secret email account, and I demanded the password which he handed over me ASAP no arguments. (But he did manage to delete many emails before I got the password--I was naive like you.) FYI, if you ever get into her account again (by keylogging the computer), check the sent box, many people forget to delete that, which is how I recovered the deleted emails.


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## Acabado

Talk to a laywyer, find out at least where you stands.
Demand her to send a NC letter aproved by you.
Demand full transparence for now on and make her avountable of her where abouts.
Tell her she needs to come clean. Demand MC, the guy won't buy this nonsense of story she's selling you.
Find OM.
Put a keylogger at your WW's PC. Then tell her you are going to meet OM to get answers, then wait for her to contact OM again to beg him to conoct stories so she can save her marriage. You will get the truth with that emails confronting both OM and WW.


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## morituri

RWB said:


> "Let Her Go" (somebody help me with the thread?)


As you wish, *http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html#post306559*.


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## Entropy3000

How do you know she is lying about no sex? Because she lied about everything else. So she tells people she is single and does not wear her ring. So this is not an EA that she fell into. This was planned. Who knows how long she has done this and how many times she has done this.

But just for a moment ... forget about the sex. She tells people she is single and dates other men. Let that sink in. Is this not enough. Lying and dating other men. Do you really need to know if they had sex?

Now whether you believe her or not, tell her that she must quit her job immediately and go NC with this guy and frankly everyone else at her work. Do not give her he space to have a farewell either. She must quit the job cold turkey.


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## TBT

Don't talk to the OM anymore.Can you really imagine dating someone for 2 years and never being to their home? This guy knew she was married and is now probably worried he'll lose his job or more.Definitely investigate him,that's if you even want to continue in your M.


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## MattMatt

Why would a married woman frequent a dating site? (If she did)
How many lovers has she had?

Look, it is possible that you and she can fix things. Stranger stuff has happened, but you need to know that a lot worse could come out.

I would suggest MC, even if just to explore an exit strategy for you and her.


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## Afra

This woman is not is worth your love. Leave her.


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## Shaggy

How did she find the time to date for 2 years, or possibly longer?

Didn't you notice her out on dates? What about vacations with him, trips with him? What about holidays especially Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day? Her birthday.

If he was dating her and though it was on the up-and-up then wouldn't he have wanted to spend these times with her? Wouldn't he have noticed if she was never available on holidays? Wouldn't you have noticed if she was gone on these holidays?

I'm very curious on how she orchestrated these things and regular free time to date - go out, go to movies, hang out late.

Then there is how could she have communicated with him. Wouldn't he find it weird if in 2 years she wouldn't let him call her at home or when you'd be around?

I think the OM has told you a lie to cover himself. He knew she was married, he knew she was cheating on you, and he didn't care.

This also wasn't a affair of opportunity either, meaning they were both at work and had free time to fool around. It carried on for 8 months after she left that job.

Have you considered going back to employer and talking to the manager there? See if she perhaps got fired for fooling around at work?


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## TRy

Nowhere do I see that your wife is at all remorseful or that she intends to give up cheating. Also, do not believe that the other man (OM) will end the affair. Not only is it unlikely that he could date your wife for 2 years and not figure out that she was married (why else would she not let him visit her house for so long), but even if he did not know, he now has enough feelings for her to ask her to move in with him. The affair is not over. Take that to the bank. 

And yes they had sex. She lies to you with such ease, why would you accept this lie from her when it makes no sense?


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## Ricki

Okay your story is almost exactly like mine. I have been married to my husband for 10 years. Last wednesday I found out that he has been having an affair with a co-worker. He has never even been late coming home. Supposedly this has been going on for 6 months only at lunch. He has never stayed the night with her. Thursday morning he left and has since been with her and her 2 children. I am heartbroken and have absolutely no idea how to handle this.


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## Ricki

Ricky, 
Its almost crazy that my name is Ricki too. I get how you feel. I really do. It makes me so sad to think that people are so selfish. I feel like I am trying to deal with a death. Just going through the motions. Its unbelieveable to me. All I am doing is asking myself what did i do wrong? Even though he said i love you..but, i love her too. really?


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## F-102

If the OM dated her for 2 years and didn't seem to care that she never let him over or spent special days (holidays, birthdays, etc.) with him, then either he is:

a) Lying-he knew damn well she was married 

b) married himself


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## Kallan Pavithran

Its nice to believe that she still love you. Every BS wanted to believe this, but they find the truth only after few time.


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## henson

wiigirl said:


> Been there, just the reverse.
> 
> Stay positive....things will get better....promise.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel sorry too, how is everything going now? Did you spy on her?


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