# My wife is not open to any option at all



## outofoption (Apr 12, 2013)

Hi peeps, Im posting here as i've a problem that run out of control and i really just need somewhere to pour it out. 

I have 2 very active boys. 2plus and 6 months old. 

Recently, my work requires me to work in the evening. 
my wife cannot handle both kids alone when im out. 
Sometime her mother come over to help. but when time her mother cannot come over to help, the situation at home is bad. as the 2 kids require alot of attention and my elder is very sentitive.. 

i suggest that maybe can seek my mother help. that's when my wife flare up and start to behave very abusively. 

getting a helper is not an option due to financial situation. 

there are no other help availble to help us look after the kids when im out. 
Or rather, my wife is just close to options, either she look after herself, which she cannot. or she get her mum over, which sometime her mum cannot. 

i got to go out in the evening to get some income. 

and this situation is putting me in a difficult position, if i don;t go out, i got no income. 

outofoption!!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Sheesh... don't have any more kids. 

What about "bartering"? Find a nanny, or college kid...or granny type... offer them room and board in exchange for child care at nite while you are working. They still have the daytime free for thier own schooling or career or whatever and days off when you have days off, and it should be pretty easy once the kids go to bed. 

It's a shame that your wife can't handle her own children. They are only going to get bigger and busier. Instead of looking for someone to help (or babysit) your wife, why not look for some ways to help her handle her own children?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> i suggest that maybe can seek my mother help. that's when my wife flare up and start to behave very abusively.


Why does she get upset and angry about your mother helping? And what do you mean by abusive?

Are you able to handle your children? Maybe she can get a part time job in the evenings while you take care of the kids.


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## outofoption (Apr 12, 2013)

SunnyT said:


> Sheesh... don't have any more kids.
> 
> What about "bartering"? Find a nanny, or college kid...or granny type... offer them room and board in exchange for child care at nite while you are working. They still have the daytime free for thier own schooling or career or whatever and days off when you have days off, and it should be pretty easy once the kids go to bed.
> 
> It's a shame that your wife can't handle her own children. They are only going to get bigger and busier. Instead of looking for someone to help (or babysit) your wife, why not look for some ways to help her handle her own children?


thanks for the advice.... i think that's an area to explore... 
well, i understand handling these 2 is difficult as alot of attention is required and the big one is very sentitive n get upset...


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## outofoption (Apr 12, 2013)

norajane said:


> Why does she get upset and angry about your mother helping? And what do you mean by abusive?
> 
> Are you able to handle your children? Maybe she can get a part time job in the evenings while you take care of the kids.


she claim she hate my mother way of looking after kids, which obviously i see nothing wrong.... dunno what's she upset aout. 

whenever i bring up the idea of wanting to leave them there for an evening.... she flare out and wanting to hit me,..... 
this morning she actually splash a cup of water at me,..... 

i simply cannnot understand where she coming from...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What does your 2 year old do that makes you say he's very sensitive?


Are you home with your wife during the day now that you work nights?

How did she handle the children when you worked during the day?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What country do you live in? I ask because it makes a difference on how domestic abuse is handled. Your wife is becoming abusive. When did she start to behave this way?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Could your wife have postpartum depression? Has she always been like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

outofoption said:


> she claim she hate my mother way of looking after kids, which obviously i see nothing wrong.... dunno what's she upset aout.
> 
> whenever i bring up the idea of wanting to leave them there for an evening.... she flare out and wanting to hit me,.....
> this morning she actually splash a cup of water at me,.....
> ...


She sounds out of control. That's a very drastic reaction from her, and sounds strange. She's also one step away from physical abuse. 

Could the older child be picking up a lot of stress coming from his mother, and that's why he's so sensitive? Is he sensitive when you are alone with him and your wife is somewhere else?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

outofoption said:


> Hi peeps, Im posting here as i've a problem that run out of control and i really just need somewhere to pour it out.
> 
> I have 2 very active boys. 2plus and 6 months old.
> 
> ...


If your wife can't "handle" your children, then you need to stay home & take care of them.

She can then go out & work.

Really, what other choice do you have?

They are babies & "someone" needs to take care of them.


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