# Feeling at a loss- husband stubborn



## Nina80 (Jan 3, 2018)

Hi All,

I am new to this and its my fist time posting so Hi to all 

I am at a loss I have been with my husband 16 years (nearly 6 years married) we have a 5 year old son. It has been a very difficult 2017. My husband owns a company and I used to work there but things turned around when a female employee joined. She was very needy always needing help and always bringing her personal problems to work. Unfortunately another employee started picking on her and things turned to worse. She started turning to my hubby for support and saying that she will quit. My hubby was trying to be helpful but I did not like the extra attention.. top management and a couple of employees went out for drinks and he invited her to join.. she got drunk and after saying that she would go with all the males she also tried kissing my hubby.. anyway months went by and me and him arguing as I didnt like extra attention and friendship but he continued persisting that he wanted her as a friend. I dont agree with the boss being very close friends with an employee as they would expect preferential treatment. Anyway the other employee had to quit her job as my hubby started sending her nasty emails to quit as she was still picking on the other employee. My hubby also sent me a msg to tell me he quit his job as the other employee wasnt fired and its not fair and that he will leave me and my son and go work in another country... I was so angry as I also caught him msging her at 9pm telling her about his resignation etc .. I was so angry that I msged her and told her not to msg my husband anymore.. I know it wasnt the right thing to do but I was so sad as he didnt want to show me his mobile and nearly broke it so that I wouldnt see it. My hubby has always put work first even when I was unwell.. gave birth.. used to sleep without telling me goodnight no attention and I sort of used to accept it but knowing that he had time to stay chatting with her and comforting her when she needed help was too much. We also attended counselling but still kept on saying he want to be her friend at all costs and also called me his ex wife and that he doesnt care about me and our son. He apologised for all this but I cant seem to forgot all the nasty things he said. He also told me not to go to office anymore so I quit my job and taking care of our son full time.. He does love me but is so stubborn and now another employee is reporting her to management for doing what she wants and obviously he is still siding with her and praising her all the time. He also told me that he doesnt know what she will do if she leaves. I dont like it as she keeps him as back up and im sure she is using him for her benefit so she will always have him on her side. She msgs him during weekends.. at 10pm.. to get his advice reg what employees think of her etc. I keep on telling him to be careful what he says and writes as she keeps back up of everything and every chat as I have proof from previous experience with other employee. I love him but I feel at a loss.. I mean I wish to have another baby as im 33 years old but with all this going on I dont want to stree myself and end up lossing the baby. I keep on saying im not going to take notice as its just work but knowing that she feels preferred bothers me. I feel so confused with my feelings as I am not a jealous person as he travels a lot and always fully trusted him but I cant help how I feel. Thanks for listening to me I feel a bit better writting down everything. :smile2:


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I had an extremely hard time following all the details. Luckily, the important stuff sticks out.

You're in love with a dude who could give a **** about you and his son. He's said as much. Time for a divorce, and you might as well try to get whatever you can by whatever your jurisdictions allow. He's cheating on you. He's made that pretty clear as far as I'm concerned.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

You're rambling a bit but I think I got the just. You have ever right to insist that they stop messaging each other. Also him calling you his "ex" is WAY out of line. In my opinion if that happened as anything more than a comment said in anger during a single argument, I would dump him.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

Your husband has poor boundaries. You need to state what the boundaries are and what the consequences are of crossing them. He has crossed this boundary with this coworker. What consequences is he facing? What consequences are you giving him?


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