# An update



## Alex22Burton (Jul 21, 2011)

Hi everyone

Well I have taken the advice offered and have started to change my ways. I told my wife that I would and I know it wont happen overnight. I thought everything was okay (as best as it could be) when I started to get a bad gut feeling all was not well. I had a talk with my wife and asked her if she had met someone else and she didnt answer. I asked her if she still loved me and she said she cared. I asked her if she could still find love for me and she said she didnt know. She then said said she had struck up a friendship with a man on a forum and they had exchanged texts and calls. I am not going to berate her for this as that would be hypocritical and I know its something that does happen with couples. I cried like a baby last night and couldnt get it out of system. Apparently this man has the same problems with his wife ie she is strange tpwards him. I am very tempted to warn him off (but am scared of driving my wife further away) and I know that there is still a chance she would stay with me and I believe this as after 11 years of marriage you do get to know someone, She asked me if I thought any other man wouldnt find her attratcive and said that they would be stupid if they didnt. I hope and pray that this is just for the attention and that it isnt further becuase I am really cuttin up inside (deservedly so).

Guys I really dont want your judgement but I would really appreciate your adivce as to what I can do to show my wife just what she means to me. I still wear my wedding ring, I have given her space, I dont text her incessantly, I havent splashed on any gifts but have been discreet with things ie she saw some shoes so I got them and she wanted some perfume and I got it as a surprise. I didnt make any fuss over it. I would like to buy her flowers but dont want to seem needy. I love her and realise how she must have felt this has really taken the wind out of my sails. We are going away for a holiday at the end of the month and I would like to try to show her some affection but am unsure if this would be reciprocate and would be unsure of the right time to do so. Please help me but dont berate me by telling me " I told you so", "you made your bed" or any other annecdotes.

Thankyou.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the servicemen killed in the helicopter crash in Afghanistan and also to the family of the Royal Marine killed there.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If you love your wife, and you want your mge to work----you have to stop being mr. nice-guy---it just does not work

No matter what you want to think, your wife disrespects you---if she respected you---she would not be with another man emotionally

I suggest you go on all the websites, find all the infidelity forums, and read about all the situations, where cheating is occurring----in probably 95% of the situations, the cheating does not stop until the betrayed spouse becomes hard as nails, hard hearted if you want, and throws out dealbreaker consequences that ACTION, not talk will be taken on

Go out and reasearch, you will see that I am right!!!!!


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Two wrongs don't make a right. You did not mention anything that you had done to repair the damage you have caused. Have you owned up to it, shown remorse, answered all questions, been 1000% transparent, given her an NC letter to send, contacted the spouse of your AP, shown her complete love and support and not reacted negatively to her triggers and pain.....? If you haven't done all of these things and more, then you deserve the results you are seeing. Why hold back on doting on her - you slayed her self confidence by giving yourself to someone she thinks is now better than her. Ummmm, let's see, someone shows interest and says sweet things that is not tainted with the pain you represent. You have to make yourself the better choice and that will be very hard. What have YOU done to make her feel secure, safe and feel like the most important person in the world to you? What have you done to make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, better than any of your APs?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I really hope you have learned your lesson. I wish all men and women who treat their partners badly, cheat, are un appreciative and often dismissive or mean could see your post. could know the pain they inflict on their spouse will one day haunt them.

If you do not cherish what is most important to you and prioritize it it will one day be gone from your life.


Have you gone to counseling?

What you should be doing is going to counseling. You should also not be mean to your wife but you should cool off and tell her it's him or you.

Tell her you know what you did was wrong and you are sorry for the pain you caused her and will never ever again treat her badly. 

She has to choose between a new love with unlimited possibilities and someone who treated her very badly for years and made her suffer it.


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

Don't mean to sound like an a**hole, but you're getting a taste of what it REALLY feels like to be kicked to the curb for someone else-- doesn't feel very good... does it.


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