# Mediation??



## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

I secretly made an appt with a lawyer and of course stbx found out when he checked home phone messages from his work. ugh. i cancelled it.

I don't have a job, stayed at home for years while he had a career with travel around the world..he said he'll "take care of me" -- so while i'm looking for a job i thought i need someone on my side! he wants mediation. how can i trust him to the best in a mediation? did anyone else use a mediator even though you weren't on the best of terms?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes I used mediation for part of my divorce when not on the best of terms. It can still work out just fine. You do not have to agree to anything in mediation that you do not want to agree to. The issue that I find with medication is that if you do not know what your rights are you might very well ask for too much or settle for too little.

Are you still living with your husband? 

One of my concerns with you canceling the lawyer appointment is that you are too easily influenced by your husband and not standing up for you rights. He can push you around quite a bit in medication.

However mediation can be much cheaper than a lawyer. So there are benefits to it as well.

Do you have access to money right now that you can spend, such that your husband will not find out that you are spending it? If so a consultation with a lawyer could help you a lot in learning your rights. 

You can also search online to find out what your rights are.

What state do you live in? Perhaps we could point you to some good online resources to you becoming knowledgeable in your legal rights.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

thank you ele - i use medication too ;p

>>>>Do you have access to money right now that you can spend, such that your husband will not find out that you are spending it?

No i don't -- paying the $125 consult fee would be noticed. but you're right i should reschedule a lawyer. he has always controlled the finances and i have no clue (and no job yet). he moved out. thanks again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you still living with your husband?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm not familiar with your entire situation. But, considering you do not have a level playing field, I would recommend you have a divorce attorney. You will probably never have the income your career driven husband has. Don't count on your estranged husband to "take care of you". Mine used to say the same thing. It was a lie! Thank God I have a good attorney who stays on him. Otherwise there would be no food on the table.

You can still do mediation with an attorney. I just think mediation is a better option for people who both work and things are equal. However, a mediator knows the state statues and follows those guidelines. Furthermore, they are impartial. Solely using mediation would save a pile of money though.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh lordy did I say "medication" instead of "mediation" 

How long have you been married?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Please check your PMs


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

thanks guys. 20 years married, he moved out of family home over the weekend.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Do you think he is having a Midlife Crisis?


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I used mediation and loved it! I couldn't stand the thought of court and defending her accusations in front of a judge.

I decided to give up and let her have the stupid divorce and she ended up paying for everything. Best part was when we stopped fighting we signed hand in hand and got along better as a "couple" than we ever had in the past year. 

Of course we fought like kids up from her house to the courthouse and I never got a penny that wasn't in writing, but I didn't matter because I was just glad we weren't fighting or crying anymore. Make sure you get everything you want in writing and both agree on it! You can go back with an attorney at any point or slow down the process if you want but be forwarned attorneys like to push for divorce whenever possible.


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