# Feeling Lost



## Critter (Oct 7, 2009)

Hello, I'll try to get to the point here as quickly as possible. Me and my husband were close friends for about 4 years before we began sleeping together. A few months later he proposed. (I had recently broken up with my BF of 2 years - I mean, 2 months before this!) A year later, we got married. We have been married for about 9 months. 

He is a small town country boy who never went to college and is working at a job where he is basically, in line to go nowhere. He makes decent money, and we could scrape by on his income alone if need be...I recently graduated college with my Bachelors degree (when I say recently, I mean 1 month before we got married) and was thinking of going back for my masters until we began looking for a home. I have been working part time as a secretary since graduation and have been looking for a full time job to no avail. We haven't had much luck finding a home and tensions seem to be building...a little back story....
since we moved in together we started having issues, he is very emotionally distant and extremely passive. When I seek his advice or opinions he is generally disinterested and retorts with a generic "whatever makes you happy". 

A few months before the wedding, we talked about splitting up but I think the pressure of the big wedding and everyone expecting so much of us made us stay together. I kept taking my mothers advice to ignore the little things and try to act happy. This has pacified our relationship for the past 9 months (even though we have had numerous arguments since then, some resulting in him leaving for a few nights) but things seem to keep building inside me. I am beginning to feel like I am trapped and alone. I feel like I can do better in my life (not meaning with another person, just that I can do more with myself).

I feel like he (at 25) is completely comfortable with his situation in life and could live out the rest of his years in this exact situation. Whereas, I am feeling like I am settling for less than I know I can be and I'm wanting to get out and do more.

I feel like I made a mistake by rushing into this marriage and now I want to separate. We had a big argument today where I told him how I have been feeling and he left. 

I have not cried and don't feel very upset at all. I am seriously considering divorce but feel like an idiot for not being able to make things work. I just need to hear an opinion from someone else about my situation. Thanks for reading.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I'm sorry you are going thru this on Valentines Day . You had mentioned he has left for a few days before, how did you feel towards him when he was gone? Sometimes it takes being apart to really see how much you care, or don't care about someone. If in your heart you know you don't want to work it out, I'm not sure if you could ever truly be happy staying in your marriage. You are the only one who knows how you truly feel. Marriage is tough!


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## Critter (Oct 7, 2009)

Last time he left, I felt ok until I started thinking about being alone and how much I didn't want to be the reason why we split up. I think I have been more worried about what his family and my family will think of me if I leave him. I am trying to convince myself that it's my life and as long as I know I made the right decision that's all that matters. But it's really tough when you have so many eyes watching. Especially when we haven't even been married for a year! When he came back to get some of his things, I asked him to stay. And he did. I'm not sure if he would stay if I asked him to come back this time, But i'm also not sure if that would bother me. I almost WANT him to stand up for himself. He is normally very passive and it's a total turn off for me. I used to just chalk it up to him being very laid back but I'm starting to see the truth now....that he is just passive and tries to avoid every situation that he feels might be uncomfortable. 

I know for sure that I'm the only one who can make the decision of how my life will turn out so I'm just struggling with sticking with my gut and trying not to worry about what his or my family thinks of me.


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