# What's the best piece of marriage advice you've gotten?



## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

Interested to hear what people have found helpful!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Not sure its marriage advice, but "trust your gut" certainly applies to a lot of situations both on this site and in life all around.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Marry someone 'very' compatible.

My advice, none given..... better.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Stay single!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

"The grass is greener where you water it."

Be your best self, it will benefit you and your relationships.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

Make sure you have your values clarified yourself and know how to love someone in a mature way before you jump in. Make sure those values coincide with your spouse's. Make sure you have the same type of work ethic and are clear on how you'll raise children and spend money. 

Actually, I've never received this advice. It's my own I developed from the school of hard knocks, mostly caused by my own trouble making.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

"A marriage is like a garden".

If you tend to it, it will flourish and grow. You must water it, give it care, promptly pull the weeds when they appear, as left unchecked they will grow, and destroy your garden. Neglect will also destroy the garden, the beautiful parts will wither away, and what once was, will be gone. 

But if you tend to the garden, give it care, continual care like when you first planted the seeds, it will grow into something much more beautiful, more complex and strong. It won't be the garden you started with, it will be much grander.


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## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Stay single!


Oh my... That's a loaded comment if ever I heard one! Have you had some bad experiences?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I’m not married but I was given a piece of advice years ago by someone I trust implicitly and over the years I have asked many married men this question and it has always proven true.
Pay attention to how your girlfriend treats her father. Don’t pay any heed to how she talks about him,watch how she treats him.
A woman can praise her Dad (or you) to the heavens but still treat him disrespectfully.
This is not a woman to be trusted in the long term.
It’s the old adage.Actions speak louder than words.


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

Dude, you better jump on that.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Pay attention to how your girlfriend treats her father. Don’t pay any heed to how she talks about him,watch how she treats him.
> A woman can praise her Dad (or you) to the heavens but still treat him disrespectfully.


Interesting.... I have a lot of admiration and respect for my father. And my husband mirrors many of the same qualities that my father has (say what you want, its not something I can deny!). 

Is the same true for potential husbands and how they treat their mothers? 

I have to say though - Not all parents are shining stars. When there is abuse etc, I don't think its always fair to judge someone's relationship potential on how they treat their parent, without knowing more about their parents and their childhood.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

When you have kids always help with middle of the night feedings. Sounds odd I know. This came from my grandfather. But my wife and I always had a great relationship. When our son was born I took this advise and no exaggeration, never got out of bed for middle of the night feedings. I would get up get the baby, she would feed him, and I would go put him back down. Same deal with our daughter. The baby monitor sat on my bedside table so she didn't even wake up sometimes until I brought them in. She would hear from friends about their husbands not even flinching if the baby cried at night. Ever since then I have held down God like status in her eyes. Thanks Granpa.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

You can't be disillusioned if you weren't illusioned in the first place.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Two come to mind:

1. Marriage isn't about locking down who you both are now, but wanting to spend your lifetime growing and changing for the better together.

And this one that my mom passed down to me from her family (roughly translated from the old country):

2. The wagon won't go anywhere as long as the oxen are facing in two directions.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*To divorce my RSXW!

I'd much rather be poor and loveable than to be rich and an incessant snob!*


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

'Marriage sucks. Don't do it!'

Then I did it...facepalm


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> "A marriage is like a garden".
> 
> If you tend to it, it will flourish and grow. You must water it, give it care, promptly pull the weeds when they appear, as left unchecked they will grow, and destroy your garden. Neglect will also destroy the garden, the beautiful parts will wither away, and what once was, will be gone.
> 
> But if you tend to the garden, give it care, continual care like when you first planted the seeds, it will grow into something much more beautiful, more complex and strong. It won't be the garden you started with, it will be much grander.


I want to print this.

Love is a decision
Look at the big picture
Toss out the scorecards


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Make sure you marry the girl you want and not what you want her to be after marriage. What you see is what you get when you marry. I am married 46 years because I left two previous relationships where I felt that the fit was not going to get any better. Too many guys will stay with a woman just because they are not comfortable getting back into the dating scene and dealing with rejection. Some stay just for the steady sex unaware that sooner than later, that sex will get mind numbing boring and uninspired. Others marry because they have been together so long that they feel that the next step is marriage. 

In short, do not settle for any reason.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Townes said:


> You can't be disillusioned if you weren't illusioned in the first place.


 This is genius on so many levels.^


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

What I got and give. 

Never stop dating!!!!

Never let it be said the relationship changed after marriage.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> 'Marriage sucks. Don't do it!'
> 
> Then I did it...facepalm


:lol::rofl::lol::rofl::lol:

:slap


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Don’t ever stop having sex.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I shouldnthave said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > I’m not married but I was given a piece of advice years ago by someone I trust implicitly and over the years I have asked many married men this question and it has always proven true.
> ...


I never got to see my wife interact with her father at all, since he died a few days after I met her. Yet getting to know her from a few weeks after his death through to today. I can say that my wife was relieved that her father died, and that she didn't and doesn't mourn his loss.

She relates enumerate fights, with him constantly belittling her, telling her she was dimwitted and wouldn't amount to anything at all (through his work life he was mostly a labourer). Then after she entered puberty, he took to calling her various derogatory names that asserted she was loose and was a prostitute.

All while she remained a virgin saving herself for marriage, until just after just after his death (at nearly 26 years old) when she thought "**** it" I am not waiting any more.

When she moved out of home to live close to university to start her second degree at 23. Her father told her that moving out was proof that she was a prostitute, and that she wasn't welcome back if she moved. She graduated with her STEM degree a few weeks after he died. And has subsequently enjoyed a very successful ongoing career in her chosen field ever since.

She was also told by him not to marry any man who wasn't Italian or Catholic, yet she picked me a British/Australian atheist.

My wife has no respect for her father (which is fine by me), yet she has proven to be a tremendously wonderful woman, friend and sexual partner.

As to marital advice in general, I can't recall getting any.

That said I will offer some...

Know yourself.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ABHale said:


> Never let it be said the relationship changed after marriage.


That sounds like death to me.

I have a great marriage and it's always changing, as we're both always changing.



ButWeAreStrange said:


> Marriage isn't about locking down who you both are now, but wanting to spend your lifetime growing and changing for the better together.


Yep.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

fight as a team towards a common goal and not to tear down each other.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Don’t worry about who wears the trousers. 
Marriage work best when nobody wears trousers.


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Raffi said:


> Interested to hear what people have found helpful!


Before I got married my father told me: "do not involve your family when you have problems in your marriage"

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Don’t worry about who wears the trousers.
> Marriage work best when nobody wears trousers.


We have a granite plaque with that engraved on it! The advice works (except when we have visitors).


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Be consistently kind to each other, and treat your spouse how _they _want to be treated. If this ever stops working, it's time to leave.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

My lawyer says the 3 most important things are: Prenup, prenup, prenup!

Really the best advice is to understand and then live the marriage vows. Most people don't think about what the vows actually mean. There's a lot in there, and it is based on millenia of human experience which means there is some wisdom in there. The marriage is the center pole holding up the circus tent. Family can be a circus at times, but if you have that strong center pole it will be a worthwhile circus. Too often people get distracted from the marriage with what seems like important stuff in the moment, and then the marriage suffers or fails.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Don’t worry about who wears the trousers.
> Marriage work best when nobody wears trousers.


Perfect advice for my current relationship.

I do wonder what sustains a marriage. I'd have to say, LISTEN. I've felt most loved and cared for when someone listened to me. Heard my words and understood. Sometimes that's all I needed. I've felt most betrayed and lonely when someone heard me, but didn't understand or care or care to understand.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> Really the best advice is to understand and then live the marriage vows. Most people don't think about what the vows actually mean. There's a lot in there, and it is based on millenia of human experience which means there is some wisdom in there. *The marriage is the center pole holding up the circus tent. Family can be a circus at times, but if you have that strong center pole it will be a worthwhile circus.* Too often people get distracted from the marriage with what seems like important stuff in the moment, and then the marriage suffers or fails.


That is amazing and profound


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I honestly don’t think anyone has ever given me any worthwhile marriage advice.


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## Bear hug (May 15, 2018)

My marraige advice although im not a professional. Love. Is number 1. Trust is number 2. Be humle. Never get mad number 3. Take it frim there


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I have a sort of funny story about marriage advice. When we moved into our house, I read a marriage advice column that said that having a tv in your bedroom was a big no no. That it ruined marriages. So we decided not to have a tv in our room. Several months ago we brought our daughter’s small tv into our bedroom for a family movie night in our bed and then never moved it out. We started using it to stream shows at night....now it’s our favorite part of the day! We cuddle and touch while watching little sitcoms and feel so close. We frequently pause to have sex.

Anyway, your marriage is yours alone. What works for one person might not work for you. You can follow every expert’s advice and still end up in divorce or you can do things “wrong” and be happy. 

I remember people telling me that it was a bad sign that my husband and I insisted on sleeping with separate blankets when we first got married. 15 years and 3 kids later...we still don’t share a blanket!


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## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> 'Marriage sucks. Don't do it!'
> 
> Then I did it...facepalm


I do hope you've managed to make the most of it...!


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## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

LeananSidhe said:


> I honestly don’t think anyone has ever given me any worthwhile marriage advice.


Do you have some that you would give to others?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

_Quote:
Originally Posted by UpsideDownWorld11 View Post
'Marriage sucks. Don't do it!'

Then I did it...facepalm_



Raffi said:


> I do hope you've managed to make the most of it...!


I did, I divorced her cheating, lying, fat, lazy ass!


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

I shouldnthave said:


> "A marriage is like a garden".
> 
> If you tend to it, it will flourish and grow. You must water it, give it care, promptly pull the weeds when they appear, as left unchecked they will grow, and destroy your garden. Neglect will also destroy the garden, the beautiful parts will wither away, and what once was, will be gone.
> 
> But if you tend to the garden, give it care, continual care like when you first planted the seeds, it will grow into something much more beautiful, more complex and strong. It won't be the garden you started with, it will be much grander.


Excuse ma'am, don't mean to bother you but I was wondering if you and I could exchange a few PMs. I have a personal situation and would like to run it by you if possible.

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Thor said:


> The marriage is the center pole holding up the circus tent. Family can be a circus at times, but if you have that strong center pole it will be a worthwhile circus.


Alas, my family is full of sideshow freaks. But here are my favorite marriage quotes from P.T. Barnum:

“There's a sucker born every minute.” 
-- P. T. Barnum 

“Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung.” 
-- P. T. Barnum


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## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> _Quote:
> Originally Posted by UpsideDownWorld11 View Post
> 'Marriage sucks. Don't do it!'
> 
> ...


Do you have anything you learned from your situation that you'd want to pass on to others?


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Marry someone you are attracted to an ugly spouse never works.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

jlcrome said:


> Marry someone you are attracted to an ugly spouse never works.


I agree you should be attracted to them. That attraction should be to the outside AND the inside of the person.

Looks fade, years, gavity can have their way. 

If you love who they are on this inside, they won't become "ugly" on the outside.


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## ECDC (May 20, 2013)

I shouldnthave said:


> "A marriage is like a garden".
> 
> If you tend to it, it will flourish and grow. You must water it, give it care, promptly pull the weeds when they appear, as left unchecked they will grow, and destroy your garden. Neglect will also destroy the garden, the beautiful parts will wither away, and what once was, will be gone.
> 
> But if you tend to the garden, give it care, continual care like when you first planted the seeds, it will grow into something much more beautiful, more complex and strong. It won't be the garden you started with, it will be much grander.


This is good advise, you need to be your partners best friend and visa versa. The water resemble - talk about everything and anything. Care resemble - Never go to bed angry. And Love resemble - Never heard your partner with lies, be true to you self and them


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## MThomas (May 8, 2018)

Be careful what you wish for


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Have each other's back. 

A recent example is when I was going to a university open day. A friend also intended to go and we planned to meet there. I asked Batman if he'd come too. Him and I made a loose plan. That day, I'd missed the call from friend saying her plans had changed and wouldn't be there. I'd also missed a call from Batman to see if I still wanted him there (and when he didn't hear back, he decided to just make his way over). While parking, I saw young people and parents collecting information, discussing together. Batman and I didn't go to university. Surprisingly, I suddenly felt a little intimidated. Then I saw Batman - waiting for me with a smile. He handed me a snack, figuring I might be hungry having come from work. It was helpful having him there and part of the conversations. While I could have gone solo, him being there meant a lot. What we DO matters. 

Keep showing up for one another.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

My parents never interfered or offered advice unless asked. We've followed their actions with our kids. 

Makes life a lot simpler/easier. So the best advice was watching their actions.


Everyone thought my wife was my moms daughter. They were thick as thieves. We got some great laughs over it.


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