# Is he/did he cheat - what to do now.



## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Hi there,

Im looking for abit of advice ... i think. im not sure really just needed to get this all out there as dont really have anyone to discuss it with. I appologise in advance for the looooong post.

Im 30 years old and have been married 4 years.

for awhile now things havent been great in my marriage, OH spent alot of time in pubs playing darts and then pool, nearly every night of the week there was some competition on where i was expected to drive him and his mates to, wait around and then drive them back home as he "cant play sober" I guess this is where the resentment starts. If i said no then i would get the silent treatment or he'd go in the huff and i'd end up taking him anyway.

I started to play too just so that i would have something to do and that i could spend time with him but he would usually be walking about chatting to friends and i would get ignored until it was time to go. to the point that a stranger asked me who the barmaids new boyfriend was!!!! they didnt belive me when i told them that was my husband.

Anyway about a year ago he stopped playing as he was working far away and wouldnt be home in time for the matches and i thought things would get better. Our sex life since moving into our own home has been nearly non existant - mostly my fault as after working FT, ferrying him about, cleaning, cooking, paying for everything, and washing etc i wasnt exactly in the best of moods, and when i was, he was usually out or asleep on the sofa. sex maybe happened once a month at best.. sometimes 3-4 months without any. Im a pretty shy person and never really feel comfortable initiating anything, the times ive tried, he's the one who hasnt been in the mood, and when he tries i feel abit like.. so you say jump so i should... yeah right!

Then one weekend i was on the ipad (which is sinc'd to his iphone) and some messages and pictures appeared (he was at work and "cold and needed warming up" thing was these messages were not to me but another women who worked occasionally at the pub. they were arranging to meet up the following day and the following week as hubby had some holidays to use up. From the messages i dont think anything had physically happened yet as it just didnt read like it had. OH swears thats the only time he messaged her or even spoken to her but it just doesnt stack up as im not sure about other people but if someone ive never spoken to sent me a message saying "boo, im at work and cold" i wouldnt instantly send them a nude pic asking when we could meet up! but maybe thats just me.

His excuse was he wasnt getting his marital rights! my excuse was with everything i do around the house etc i felt like his bleeding mother!

that was almost a year ago and i agreed to give things a try, things picked up, the sex was more regular but things have been slipping again, to the point its been 3 weeks and im just not even slightly interested. im back to doing everything around the house aswell as working Ft and hes always at the golf course! which i pay for too!

alitle petty but despite him getting large xmas/bday/anniversary presents etc i get a card if im lucky and he earns 50% more than me so its not like he doesnt have the money. for my 30th i ended up buying my own present and had to coerce him into coming with me to pick it up.

The 3 weeks hes started acting alittle weird, saying hes not playing golf at the weekend and then on the day deciding they have a comp and he will play, but when i check the clubs website theres nothing listed. his phone is glued to his side and when i do get a chance for a peek its all wiped clean, no messages, no emails (now he NEVER deletes emails or messages, he usually has 200+ sitting in the inbox) because the ipad was linked i can see his contacts and there has been a few new entrys under the name "..." & "pups" Also yesterday somemail arrived for him, not suspicious, it was his credit card bill i think. 2 letters. when i went to tidy up and put the envelopes in the bin (as i said he leaves everything at his arse) there was 2 envelopes but only one letter... i cant find the statement anywhere, and i have no idea why he would move it, even if its really important it would sit there for months until i moved it myself.

I checked this morning and he has changed his passwords on his credit cards so i cant look at the statements.

Not sure what to do, or what im expecting anyone to say..... i know myself im thinking about a divorce, but all his debt is in my name and i cant afford to pay it all myself. i know my parents would help but i cant ask them for that much each month to pay the bills. Also i dont want to do something without any proof, what if im just being paranoid.. am i???


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I think you can be assured he's cheating as he's showing all the red flags and it's pretty evident

please note that the first time you caught him that he blameshifted you (made you feel that his decision to cheat was your fault, but news flash, it wasn't)

I suggest you read the newbie link in my signature and get tips from Gus or weightlifter on extracting info from his ipad/phone to get your smoking gun


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks AR for the reply, that link is really helpful, only issue i have is with his phone always being glued to his side i cant really search anything or download checkers onto it. although next time he falls asleep on the sofa im deffinately checking the spotlight search function! never even knew that was there!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Summer1307 said:


> Thanks AR for the reply, that link is really helpful, only issue i have is with his phone always being glued to his side i cant really search anything or download checkers onto it. although next time he falls asleep on the sofa im deffinately checking the spotlight search function! never even knew that was there!



the fact that his ipad is linked to his phone implies that he is using cloud services, you do have the ability to get to his cloud services without his phone (would need the itunes password)


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Sorry for what you are going through. 

Since it sounds like he is a drinker, get him good and drunk one night, wait til he passes out, and then get his phone. Although, if he has it password-protected I'm not sure you'll be able to access it.

Gus or weightlifter will know and have suggestions for you...

P.S. I would search the house top to bottom as well as his car for that credit card statement. And put a GPS tracker and VAR in his car and you'll know exactly where he is going and who he is talking to.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, you aren't paranoid. 

Why is all his debt in your name?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and whose name the debt is in matters naught as it is marital debt and will be split 50/50 (or calculated in entire division of assets) if you do divorce


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks, yes i know the password to his phone, he hasnt changed that oneas that would be "too" suspicious. In fairness he hasnt had a proper drink in about a year.. and his falling asleep on the sofa is a regular thing! Infact to the point that i stay up long enough so he does fall asleep there and then i creep up to bed on my own so i dont have to make up excuses why not to have sex. Im afraid i dont trust him and just cant get in the mood with someone i dont trust. hes been talking in his sleep the last few nights, abit mumbly but im pretty sure i heard "dont worry, im divorcing the ***** anyway" plan to mention it to him tonight to see what he says.. but he'll just say he doesnt remember... this is the main reason i came looking for a board like this today. i just cant keep doing this.

the debt is all in my name as he is horrendous with money and had numerous court letters when i first met him, silly me took out a loan and new credit card to pay off his debt. hes since got better credit (although he gives me the money for 50% of the bills i pay them out of my account to ensure their paid) and now has is own credit cards which have staggering figures..again i stupidly transferred the balance of some of these into my name... and one card is in my dads name as he was helping us out. and we have a loan from our previous house (110% mortgage) which is in mine and my dads name.

Im not sure where the money side of things get split in a divorce, we just moved house a few months ago and the penalties for ending the mortgage are scary so thats not really an option. i had thought maybe if i kept the house i would keep the debt... that way he starts from scratch (with only his own debt) and i can keep the equity of the house to cover the loans etc... but im not sure if thats allowed.

I actually saw my mum this afternoon after writing the first post and she asked "that" question... are you happy?!?! im afraid i couldnt quite hide my initial reaction to the question. ive thought alot about this over the last year and im of the opinion that id be quite happy living on my own with the dogs. My parents have offered to sell their house and move in with me to cover costs, or just "loan" me the money to cover the bills, but im already due them upwards of £40k so really cant ask for more, they never ask for it back (yeah ive got great folks!)

I dont even know where to begin with a divorce, ive read the online gov stuff but the grounds for divorce being accepted are fairly tight and i dont even know if you can call what hes done as cheating technically, if he hasnt been physically cheating that is.

i *think* i want a divorce, almost deffinate but then i think am i just being stupid and paranoid.. and then the real petty thing starts... i'll be skint and scraping money for bills while he walks away responsibility free with all his wages to himself. - im sounding abit *****y now so i'll stop.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

It seems you are financing and enabling him to a philandering lifestyle. Does he even work?

From your words, you are married to someone who is very immature and not marriage material. At 30 years old, you are both pretty young and he is clearly not done playing the field, chumming with his buddies all the time, etc.

My advice to you would be to make it more difficult for him. Stop doing all the chores. He wants his clothes washed - he can do it. He wants a meal - let him cook it. This will be met with great resistance, but you have to be strong.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> and whose name the debt is in matters naught as it is marital debt and will be split 50/50 (or calculated in entire division of assets) if you do divorce


From some of the terms used within the posting, "pub", "mum", etc, I am guessing the location is not the US and thus the laws governing division of assets and debts could be different there so this general rule of thumb advice might not be applicable to this situation (even then not all states in the US agree with that division as well). 

It can be a good ideal to inquire about for her and any one else in this type of situation.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well yes, consult a barrister


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> *the debt is all in my name* as he is horrendous with money and had numerous court letters when i first met him
> 
> again i stupidly transferred the balance of some of these into my name... and one card is in my dads name as he was helping us out. and we have a loan from our previous house (110% mortgage) which is in mine and my dads name.
> 
> *Im not sure where the money side of things get split in a divorce,* we just moved house a few months ago and the penalties for ending the mortgage are scary so thats not really an option.* i had thought maybe if i kept the house i would keep the debt...* that way he starts from scratch (with only his own debt) and i can keep the equity of the house to cover the loans etc... but im not sure if thats allowed.


Whoa, whoa, WHOA!! You seriously need to visit a lawyer and understand how debt is split. Marital debt is marital debt regardless of whose "name" is on the account. At least, that's how it is in the U.S. Not sure about the U.K. or wherever you are. Definitely get some legal advice.

The credit card with your dad's name on it, along with yours, is troubling because your dad is still responsible for that debt. Could get messy.

As for the house, why not sell it, pay off the mortgage, and move somewhere else?

And why in the world would you *take on all the debt,* giving him a free pass to waltz out of the marriage with NO debt? He is the one who racked up much of it.

At the very least, he should be responsible for HALF the marital debt. Make sure any settlement you agree to spells that out clearly.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks for the replies, yes im in the UK, sorry if this is a US only forum, i didnt realise if it was. oops.

You know, you just said something very similar to my parents.... im paying and doing everything and hes still acting like a single man... even if hes not sha**ing anything else...

Yes he works...actually at the same company as me..and gets about 50% more salary than me, although he works as a Construction Manager so is very rarey in the main office where i work. I was hoping by taking the house AND the debt it would be a win win situation for him and therefore it wouldnt get too messy. although you'r beginning to make me think im being abit too easy about it. Which reminds me, hes still due me the money for next months bills...

I guess i just need to get over the first hurdle of actually brining it up and discussing it (even if im just being paranoid and he isnt cheating this time..i dont think i can carry on with the "what if, where is he, whos he with" its doing my head in.

Any ideas on how to CALMLY bring it up??


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

no, do not confront without solid evidence

he will gaslight you


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Good Point!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

First step is to gather intel. Keylog the computer to get all his passwords to the financial statements and any secret emails etc. VAR his car carefully so he doesn't find it by accident.

My wife and I have a file with all our passwords and logins for everything. That way either one of us can log in to any account without having to ask the other. Even for online shopping such as Amazon and eBay. You could approach your husband innocently asking him to give you all the passwords so you can create a master list for both of you.

You should talk to an attorney or other reliable source about how assets and debt are split where you live. There may be a way to change how things are set up now if you know what is needed.

When it comes to negotiating a divorce, start with what YOU want, then negotiate to something agreeable for both of you.

One tactic which might work is for you to offer him a one-time deal which is acceptable to you but favorable to him. For example you keep the house and the mortgage, he takes some of the debt. But if he refuses this easy deal you then revert to hard ball and go for everything the law allows. But only do this if you think he is likely to agree to divorce. If you think he will fight divorce, just lawyer up and fight him.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Summer, do you happen to have the following information?

1) E-mail address and password for his Apple iTunes/iCloud account
2) Password to the e-mail account itself

If so, I may be able to provide some technical assistance... and you won't need physical access to either his iPhone or iPad (or any of his devices, really) to get the answers that you deserve.

Also, does your husband use a computer/laptop at all? If so, it is a personal or work (as in supplied by his employer) device? Does it run Windows, Mac OS X, Linux, etc ...?


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Summer, do you happen to have the following information?
> 
> 1) E-mail address and password for his Apple iTunes/iCloud account
> 2) Password to the e-mail account itself
> ...


I think i have the apple password, unless hes changed that too but i doubt it and yes i know the email password to both his accounts, unfortuantely the only actual computers we have a work laptops which limits websites or downloads etc. i tried googling keyloggers but got blocked on most of the sites through the firewalls. Edited to add, we dont get fb or personal email account access on our work laptops so i very much doubt he would be using this, also he doesnt use it at home, just his iphone.

Also, i know he has his icloud backups turned off as he ran out of data on it, does this make a difference?

Ive added his fb messanger onto my phone so i get "pinged" with new messages so i can see and screen shot them before he deletes them. I can see when hes sitting on the sofa that hes messaging someone but whenever i look in the account theres no messages there and i cant locate a "sent" box in fb.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

another trick you can use if you ever do get his phone
if he has ios 7 or higher
settings
privacy
location services
system service
frequent locations
(if he doesnt have it turned off, which most people don't know to do)

will give you times, dates and locations he's been to


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I agree talk to a lawyer/solicitor about your situation and get all your financials in check so he can't run up lots of debt and stick you with it (he may be responsible for half, not sure how the UK works) but you could be responsible for his recent moves as well. If you get it in check before he has a chance to do such things then you can protect yourself from that (he also probably could clean out the bank account if he is on it and you might not have recourse either.

This is not a US site, it is just that the majority of the posters are from there, so we tend to speak from our experiences and how they relate to US standards, customs, and laws. This is a site open and welcome to all.

Sorry you are here. The club no one wants to be a member of.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks for that Squekr, luckily we have seperate bank accounts, i just tell him how much i need each month to cover 50% of the bills and then we split the remaining non bill money equally aswell.

Im not sure if he would fight it tbh, my parents asked if i thought he would leave of his own accord and my answer was, he'd be crazy to, he has it too cushty here... But then if he thought he was getting ALL his wages to himself each month (its a considerable amount) then he might be quite happy. I looked at the uk divorce online stuff and it says it either needs to go to court or you can sperate for 1 year and but through a "DIY" divorce it calls it. it also mentioned that although the courts can divide who pays what, the actual lenders still hold the named person responsible and its their credit that gets hit if its not paid. given his past (and current) history of not paying bills, if its in my name i would prefer to pay it myself.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

That is the same thing in the US, even though debt might be marital debt, if it is in one's names solely then they take the hit if the other doesn't uphold their end, of course since the divorce decree is a legal contract than the debt holder has recourse to sue for damages in the event of the other not paying. You also may be able to claim a right to half of his savings, not sure how that works in your country so definitely seek the advice of council to sort this out. (Heck you all might find you have a claim to alimony as well). All of these are things to find out about, as they can be used to bargain a better and quicker settlement.


Good luck.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Read the top link in my signature. All you need step by step. The apple stuff is out of date however.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks weightlifter, I've figured how to get into the iCloud, I think but apparently you can only do it from a computer not on the iPad... The iPads backup is turned on so hopefully it will have picked some things up.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> Thanks weightlifter, I've figured how to get into the iCloud, I think but apparently you can only do it from a computer not on the iPad... The iPads backup is turned on so hopefully it will have picked some things up.


WHOA!!! _Before going *any further*_, you first need to access the e-mail account that is linked to his Apple iTunes/iCloud account in order to catch any notifications that may come in as a result of your (hopefully discrete) sleuthing.

And here's the kicker... the notifications aren't always sent right away -- sometimes they come in hours later. A properly configured rule/filter attached to his e-mail account will deal w/ these notifications pretty effectively. Let me know if you need help w/ this.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> Thanks for the replies, yes im in the UK, sorry if this is a US only forum, i didnt realise if it was. oops.


No, this is not a U.S.- only forum. You are certainly welcome here 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

As it happens i cant get into it anyway, it must be done from a computer according to the apple login page and my works laptop is windows 8 explorer and i cant update it due to company rules. grrrr


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> As it happens i cant get into it anyway, it must be done from a computer according to the apple login page and my works laptop is windows 8 explorer and i cant update it due to company rules. grrrr


So... you're not able to log into iCloud at all using your Windows 8 laptop w/ Internet Explorer? Are you being prompted to install some sort of update(s)? If so, which one(s)?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> So... you're not able to log into iCloud at all using your Windows 8 laptop w/ Internet Explorer? Are you being prompted to install some sort of update(s)? If so, which one(s)?


Funny but I read it as Windows 8 Internet Explorer, as I still have client that are running older and obsolete browsers like this.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> Funny but I read it as Windows 8 Internet Explorer, as I still have client that are running older and obsolete browsers like this.


Ah... makes sense.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Not saying I'm right, just how I read it.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Its windows internet explorer 8, icloud asking me to upgrade the explorer but because its a company laptop i cant do that (im sure they are planning an upgrade to 10?? soon but well that could be months)


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> Our sex life since moving into our own home has been nearly non existant - mostly my fault as after working FT, ferrying him about, cleaning, cooking, paying for everything, and washing etc i wasnt exactly in the best of moods, and when i was, he was usually out or asleep on the sofa. sex maybe happened once a month at best.. sometimes 3-4 months without any. Im a pretty shy person and never really feel comfortable initiating anything, the times ive tried, he's the one who hasnt been in the mood, and when he tries i feel abit like.. so you say jump so i should... yeah right!


sorry for your situation, but the truth is you made excuses instead of having sex with your husband.

Some husband's will wait for you, yours, obviously, chose not to. Is he in the wrong? Yes. Did you start it all? yes. No sympathy here.

Maybe you should work double time to try to change the direction of this train wreck


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> Its windows internet explorer 8, icloud asking me to upgrade the explorer but because its a company laptop i cant do that (im sure they are planning an upgrade to 10?? soon but well that could be months)


Do you have a PC at home? (I'm guessing not.)


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

murphy5 said:


> sorry for your situation, but the truth is you made excuses instead of having sex with your husband.
> 
> Some husband's will wait for you, yours, obviously, chose not to. Is he in the wrong? Yes. Did you start it all? yes. No sympathy here.
> 
> Maybe you should work double time to try to change the direction of this train wreck


Sorry, but this is BS. If OP's husband needed attention so badly that he was willing to risk his marriage and family to get it, he should have gone to her and talked w/ her to let her know how dire the situation was.

Period.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

cant you download firefox or chrome, do your thing and then delete the program?


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

If you read the whole of the section that you quoted you would see that i did try.. Occasionally it worked other times he was too tired or wasnt in the mood - his words! Obv he just wasnt in the mood with me! After a while i gave up trying. The sex when it did happen was usually on the same day of the week at the same time... I felt like i should have put an appointment in my diary! Hard to get in the mood when thats how you feel about it. 

Perhaps if he had even offered to help around the house and with other things i wouldnt have felt like his damn mother most of the time. At best we had one day out of 7 where he wasnt doing "his" hobbies and i have to admit i was and still am feeling rather neglected and bored. While hes out playing golf im stuck at home as too skint to do anything. The most i do is go for a walk with the dogs as thats free lol.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Nope dont have a pc at home. It caught fire in middle of night and we replaced it with the ipad. I dont have security access to download anything on works pc. Lol i even get blocked from downloading items from our own company website lol. I.T's a joke


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Are you able to use a USB thumbdrive w/ your work PC?


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

I can but anything plugged in is auto encrypted and cant be used on any other machine.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

find a solution! ask a friend to borrow their laptop, do something!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> I can but anything plugged in is auto encrypted and cant be used on any other machine.


BitLocker? May or may not be a problem.

Take a look at this...

What to do with your USB flash drive: Run portable apps - CNET

This may be a problem if you can't even get the portableapps.com app to load. Either way, I'd echo the sentiment expressed in AR's comment above.

ETA: Firing up my Windows 7 VM...


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

Have your parents not got a pc, laptop? A friend maybe? Even the public library there's more than one way to skin a cat, go to an Internet cafe, you really do need to get on to get this evidence


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> well yes, consult a barrister


Call a Solicitor, but one who specialises in family law.

Your husband doesn't deserve you, Summer.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> BitLocker? May or may not be a problem.
> 
> Take a look at this...
> 
> ...


Tested ^this earlier, and it works fairly well. BitLocker seems to make it a pretty miserably slow experience, though.

Anyway, all you have to do is (a) download the installer, (b) plug in a USB thumbdrive, (c) run the installer and select which apps you want to load onto the thumbdrive (I used the portable Chrome app), and then (d) run portable Chrome from the portableapps.com app launcher. You should then be able to log into iCloud. Don't forget about this, though...



GusPolinski said:


> WHOA!!! _Before going *any further*_, you first need to access the e-mail account that is linked to his Apple iTunes/iCloud account in order to catch any notifications that may come in as a result of your (hopefully discrete) sleuthing.
> 
> And here's the kicker... the notifications aren't always sent right away -- sometimes they come in hours later. A properly configured rule/filter attached to his e-mail account will deal w/ these notifications pretty effectively. Let me know if you need help w/ this.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks Gus i'll try it tonight. Got ahold of his iphone last night when he was sleeping and apart from golf stuff there was nothing on it. Did the spotlight search and not one thing came up with the keywords i used. (All the searches were turned on) so unless not sure if hes just bought some expensive golf stuff without me knowing and thats why hes being acting weird??? Will try this out anyway to see what comes up.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Summer1307 said:


> Thanks for that Squekr, luckily we have seperate bank accounts, i just tell him how much i need each month to cover 50% of the bills and then we split the remaining non bill money equally aswell.
> 
> Im not sure if he would fight it tbh, my parents asked if i thought he would leave of his own accord and my answer was, he'd be crazy to, he has it too cushty here... But then if he thought he was getting ALL his wages to himself each month (its a considerable amount) then he might be quite happy. I looked at the uk divorce online stuff and it says it either needs to go to court or you can sperate for 1 year and but through a "DIY" divorce it calls it. it also mentioned that although the courts can divide who pays what, the actual lenders still hold the named person responsible and its their credit that gets hit if its not paid. given his past (and current) history of not paying bills, if its in my name i would prefer to pay it myself.


Jumping forward and my apologies if this has already been addressed. As you are in the UK, quite young, no children (?) and have your own income, I would suggest just skipping the whole super detective thing and cut him loose. He is cheating. Do you really need to know the specifics?

Move on and stop wasting time with the chav (because that is what he sounds like). Concentrate on yourself.

As far as the debt goes, talk to a solicitor to see about splitting it in the divorce. Do not let yourself be held hostage by money though. Don't use it as an excuse to throw more money away. Do what you need to do to get out from under it (ie borrow from your parents if you absolutely have to) and clear your path for the future. 

Getting dragged down in the 'gotcha' scenario can be destructive and is only useful when there is doubt, assets in play under fidelity laws or other pragmatic concerns. Otherwise, you are torturing yourself.

Also, talk to a therapist for this crisis phase. It can't hurt and can only help. Good luck. This journey sucks but it does get better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Summer1307 said:


> Thanks Gus i'll try it tonight. Got ahold of his iphone last night when he was sleeping and apart from golf stuff there was nothing on it. Did the spotlight search and not one thing came up with the keywords i used. (All the searches were turned on) so unless not sure if hes just bought some expensive golf stuff without me knowing and thats why hes being acting weird??? Will try this out anyway to see what comes up.


I'd recommend running an app like Wondershare Dr. Fone before completely writing off the phone. Here is some info on how to use it...



GusPolinski said:


> Wondershare Dr. Fone
> 
> The above link is for the Mac version of Wondershare's Dr. Fone app. There is a Windows version available as well.
> 
> ...


Note that either #1 or #3 will likely trigger a notification e-mail sent to the e-mail account tied to his Apple iTunes/iCloud account. Going w/ #2 might trigger a notification as well... not sure. Be ready for it either way. Honestly, if you're able to access his e-mail account from a Mac or PC, you'd be better off putting a filter or rule in place to deal w/ those e-mails as they come in.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Fenix, your right! Ive done some digging on the divorce side of things and in Scotland if you are seperated a year ( you can still live together just no sex etc) then you can apply for a "DIY" divorce. No evidence necessary just some papers to sign. Tbh hes an alright guy, just has his priorities abit scewed. I dont foresee any issues over the money etc. Also since theres no evidence taken you can (not meant to ...) put any date for the seperation as these forms only get filled out after the 1 year. So if both parties agree... You could put down that its already been 1 year and divorce could be done in 6 weeks!

We are planning to sit down tonight to see what our options are. I.e trying again or divorce (im set on divorce but need to give him the option) if i can avoid a blame game then id rather do that, if he plays hardball i can gather more evidence.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Summer, quick question...

If you insert a USB thumbdrive into your work PC, does it automatically encrypt it or are you prompted to encrypt it? If you're simply prompted to encrypt it, you should be able to choose not to do so, at which point you'll be able to READ data from the thumbdrive... you just won't be able to write any data to it. If this is the case, you should be able to use the portableapps.com launcher and portable Chrome app (both will need to have been pre-installed to the thumbdrive via a different PC) to at least log into the iCloud account.

Now... as for running something like Wondershare Dr. Fone... I'm not sure about that. You'd have to find a way to pre-install it to the thumbdrive from another PC, and even then you wouldn't be able to save any of the exports to the thumbdrive.

Honestly, you might want to just hit up Amazon or go to your local big box electronics store and buy an inexpensive laptop.

And of course all of ^this is assuming that you even care at this point; given your last post, you may very well not.


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## Summer1307 (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks for the help Gus! Yes i'll deffo be trying it if things dont go to plan tonight. I can use my dads laptop or maybe convince my brother, although id have to watch what i say there... My bro doesnt have the best of tempers when it comes to his little sister lol! 

Im hoping to avoid the blame game as would prefer to split amicably since me, oh and my dad all work for the same company. I dont want to make it awkward for him (my dad i mean). Or at least anymore awkward than it has to be. Luckily both my parents have been divorced before (before i was born) so they are very understanding and supportive. Not sure what id do if the werent.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Summer1307 said:


> Fenix, your right! Ive done some digging on the divorce side of things and in Scotland if you are seperated a year ( you can still live together just no sex etc) then you can apply for a "DIY" divorce. No evidence necessary just some papers to sign. Tbh hes an alright guy, just has his priorities abit scewed. I dont foresee any issues over the money etc. Also since theres no evidence taken you can (not meant to ...) put any date for the seperation as these forms only get filled out after the 1 year. So if both parties agree... You could put down that its already been 1 year and divorce could be done in 6 weeks!
> 
> We are planning to sit down tonight to see what our options are. I.e trying again or divorce (im set on divorce but need to give him the option) if i can avoid a blame game then id rather do that, if he plays hardball i can gather more evidence.


Summer, just know that if you tip your hand on your knowledge, he may go underground and evidence could be harder to find. Be careful.

What is the worst case scenario? Think about that. If it is just a blip in finances, being done with it sooner rather than later may be best. If it is something you can't handle, then I would not tip my hand. Does Scotland recognize infidelity as a cause of divorce? Does it have any impact on settlement of debt?


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