# Sex is just about gone.



## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

Wife(24) and I(24) got married about a year and a half ago. 

Been together for about four and a half years. Sex has always been good up until a couple months after we moved in together back in June. Didn't get to see each other too often, both military at different bases, but still every weekend would drive and meet each other. Always had sex at least once a day when were together. Did outfits, swings, just fun light kinky stuff.

Sometime around August, the sex just grinded to a halt. After that point, it has happened all of maybe ten times since. Had absolutely no sex between late oct/early nov to late jan. I've tried talking to her about it a good couple times, and I get the answers that, "She didn't have a good day, I'm not feeling good, so tired, people made me feel like **** at work..."

I'm not unsympathetic to that. If you have a ****ty day, are tired, sick, don't feel pretty, etc. might not be down to have sex. But for 8 months on end, its ridiculous. I don't know what caused this. I just don't want to be "that nagging husband," so after about the third time I've stopped.

Last year she had a miscarriage, which I feel may possibly be part of the problem. It happened in January (last year) though, so I'm not sure why it wouldn't change the sex between then and August. June we finally moved in together after I got out the service and started college. Only real thing that changed in August is that we got a puppy. I almost solely take care of the dog, which isn't to say she neglects him - absolutely loves the dog.

I just... I don't get it. We still talk and laugh, have good times together. Eat dinner together, cuddle and lay together during movies. Just, no sex. She'll occasionally smack my ass or something, but as I've learned that is not cue for, "hey lets go". I won't cheat, but when someone comes up and hits on me or flirts, it feels nice ya know? Just... something I miss I guess.

Anyways. If y'all could help out, give some advice or something, would be great. Could really use it. If you've got any questions, feel free.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Since this January, the past 3 months, how are things?

- Are you trying to have another baby? If not, is BC an issue? (fear of getting pregnant, if you are in college)


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## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

Since January, have had sex maybe 3 times - minus Nov-Jan stint, average once a month-6 weeks. 

Not currently trying to have a child however we do want kids at some point in the next few years. Not having kids right now because yes I'm still in college, and she does have some stuff she wants to do. Previous pregnancy occurred due to lack of condom + her birthcontrol wasn't strong enough apparently. 

We've recently moved into a new place that she fell in love with immediately. Moved in on the 1st.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

May only be a small part of it... but if she is anxious about becoming pregnant, that can kill your desire to have sex. 
You might want to talk to her about that, reassure her, always wear a condom, etc. look into birthcontrol that's good for a few years but not permanent.

Between January and August, things were good. Any chance you started college in September? So from August forward... bad time to get pregnant. Just wondering.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

I would bet that she has a fear of getting pregnant again and probably has never dealt the past experience.Sounds like 
she is scared and avoiding intimacy.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You were employed up until around June. You didn't mention having a civilian job, just that you were going to college. Is she still employed? How did she feel about you getting out of the service?


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## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

I thought about the fear of being pregnant thing. Offered to wear condoms, but likes them less than I do. 
Almost laughed at me a little bit, and asked me why. I mentioned should just be careful and with her condition
that it certainly doesn't hurt. Told me not to worry about it as the birth control she's on is good and should be fine.

She's got a condition where she has 2 wombs I guess? Not sure the exact deal, but she gets her period a little bit
more often than most women, usually once every 3 weeks on the nose. When she was pregnant doc didn't see anything 
the first time and she had to re-explain so he would check again and look at other. Guess it's not too common a thing.

And I started college late August. I wouldn't say sex in August was good or bad. Honestly don't remember.
I don't have a civilian job, however currently on my GI bill so it's not like she's paying my tuition. The time between
me getting out of the service and waiting to start college, bout 3 months, I didn't have a job and the sex was perfectly fine.

She is still in the service and will be getting out late 2014. She was happy I got out. Meant we could finally see each other
more often, and knew I wasn't exactly thrilled with the new management that came in replacing a good deal of our great
older staff.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Also sounds like she may have switched b\c. Some hormonal ones are real libido killers. Ask her what she is using?

I think it wouldn't hurt to look up some of the guys' posts in the Men's Lounge. Alpha, Beta, MMSL, etc. Just to get a feel of what to say, how to bring it up, how to talk about it, and not feel resentful about it.
Guys like:
WorkingOnMe
Conrad

You can start a thread and ask the "guys" to help you talk to your wife about the problem.

I say this because.... whatever it is, it's her problem. Even if she is quietly angry at you, or not attracted to you, whatever. She needs to learn how to talk to you about that, and give you the chance to work on it, together.

Hang in there, hope you get some advice from the guys soon.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

You're only 24 and not getting any? No man, that shouldn't be the case. Maybe once you're married for a long time, but it's too soon for her. My suggestion is to demand it and man up a bit on her, so that she will give it.

If she still doesn't put out, it's time to leave especially if you have no kids.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

You need to get to the bottom of why... at 24 that's way too early for putting off sex... I would have a frank discussion and have her state why.

It will drive you bonkers otherwise.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

At 24 years old you both should be all over each other!!!

She had a miscarriage and that is a HUGE emotional toll on her. She needs counseling.

Or she found someone else..........

If she is scared of getting pregnant, birth control, condoms, female condoms, spermicidal foam, anal sex, oral sex, foot sex, breasts, oiled hands, etc, etc, etc......

Birth control and having a kid(s) are known to alter sex drives in women.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Does the dog put her off? I know it is a weird question but I have two and if they are in the bedroom staring, or whining outside the door, it used to put my husband totally off.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

You two are married, but you both are stationed at different bases? That's harsh. Why couldn't the military get you both on the same base at least? At best, you probably only have a little over a day together per week when you include travel time. 

Sex is not the problem. It is merely the symptom of your deeper issue - separation.

Wait...are you two living together now, and the great sex was happening when you two were living apart? Did you two ever live together prior to June of last year?


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## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

I figured the birth control might've changed something but she changed it a couple months ago in hopes it would fix her drive.

Dog only puts her off if like he's right up against her or sniffing her while I might be hinting stuff while in the living room. 

Haven't lived together before then but the sex in the early months living together was just fine.

As far as the mis carriage, she doesn't want to talk about it. Not in a she will bit my face off way if I bring it up but just when I do there isn't much she feels like saying or "what's to talk about"


We both love each other deeply. Relationship minus the sex is awesome. Really is. Just lack of sex is just... Hard to sleep a lot.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

At age 24 she already is a LD woman. That's sad.

Not good!!!

It may be due to the miscarriage and she'll talk about it in her own time when she is ready.

Different BC might help as well, like you had said.

But if it isn't due to BC or the miscarriage, and its the LD thing, prepare for this the rest of your lives together because it won't get a lot better. And when menopause hits, no sex.

Just things to think about.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Why are you asking the forum to figure out why your wife doesn't want to have sex with you on a regular basis?

What does your wife say when you tell her you would like to have sex several times a week, not several times a year?

Talk to your wife! And don't accept crappy allusive answers, keep talking until you understand her.


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