# i need help please read



## rp9286 (Sep 20, 2014)

i want to work on my marriage and be there for my husband but it feels like he would rather live with his parents or his siblings rather than me and our kids. what should i do?


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

rp9286 said:


> i want to work on my marriage and be there for my husband but it feels like he would rather live with his parents or his siblings rather than me and our kids. what should i do?


What is he doing — or not doing — that makes you feel this way?


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## RealityBites2 (Sep 12, 2014)

Has he told you this or you are deducing from his actions? Have you been living with your husband all along? Otherwise it is pretty hard to say much to help...I think


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## rp9286 (Sep 20, 2014)

he currently lives with his parents and older sister and i live in a different place and he has stated he does not want to move where i live and its all i can afford. i want both our kids to have a chance at a good education and i can not get that by living with his parents but i can get that where i currently live.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

how long have you two been M? What are your ages? What makes 

where you live and where he does different? How far apart are these

two places? In what ways can it cost more to live with him and family

compared to you living where you are? Just asking to get more

insight.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

rp9286 said:


> he currently lives with his parents and older sister and i live in a different place and he has stated he does not want to move where i live and its all i can afford. i want both our kids to have a chance at a good education and i can not get that by living with his parents but i can get that where i currently live.


:scratchhead: I apologize if this sounds harsh, but more details are needed before we can help you. I agree with how you feel; a husband is supposed to live with his wife and be a team player. But we'll need the whole story.

How long have you been married? Did he recently move back to his parents' home? What caused this separation? And why can your children not get a good education where his parents live?


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

What part of the world are you in?

I am wondering if you are in Asia.


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## rp9286 (Sep 20, 2014)

we live in california and our places are almost 16 miles apart by living with family it would cost me my sanity right now my place is low income. he was fine with the idea of living where i live until his sister fed him some misinformation about the area knowing that it would change his mind. living where he lives now our son would not be able to go to school and our daughter would not be able to get the help she needs to pass kindergarden. where i live my son is in school and my daughter gets all the help she needs at school to be able to keep up with the rest of her class. we have been together for 7 years but married for 2. i am 28 and he is 27.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You still need to give more details. WHY does he want to live with his parents? How long have you lived apart? Do you both work? Why does your daughter need help to pass kindergarten? Wy
Why wouldn't your son be able to go to school where his parents live?

C


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## rp9286 (Sep 20, 2014)

originaly he was living with his parents to help take care of his dad who had 2 strokes and is now permanantly in a wheel chair but then his sister moved in so his mom has more help then she needs now. my son would not be able to go to school because there is no headstart or preschool program in that area. my dauther seems to work at a slower pace than the other kids and most schools around here are not equipt to handle it but i found one that is and if we end up moving where my husband lives she will loose the help she needs from the school system. it has been a year since the last time we have lived under the same roof. I am on SSI so no i do not work, i am a stay at home mother.


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## MarriedMyMother (Sep 20, 2014)

Chances are all his physical needs are being met and he is being treated like momma's boy... No duties and free food... MHO... How does his mom feel about the situation between the two of you?


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## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

Yes- I agree- plus- if you are on disability- he might be a selfish man- who does not want to be plagued by taking care of the physical needs of his wife- (not to mention kids). This could be his free party pass.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what reason does your husband give for not wanting to live with you? And how long have you lived apart? Does he contribute to the bills?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rp9286 (Sep 20, 2014)

im not on disability because of phisical problems its more because of childhood trama. his mom thinks we should work things out. he does not want to live in the neighborhood i currently live in. and no he does not contribute to the bills.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

rp9286 said:


> his mom thinks we should work things out. he does not want to live in the neighborhood i currently live in. and no he does not contribute to the bills.


Sooooo .... let's see. You've been apart for over a year, he's not contributing ANYTHING to your bills or kids, and he's refusing to live in your neighborhood. Did he ever think that by living with you, and contributing his paycheck, that you could get out of your neighborhood? Apparently not.

Ask him if he really *wants* to stay married. Honestly, it sounds like he doesn't, and he's been hoping all along you'll pick up on the hint. Be prepared for his answer; if he's still unwilling (or continues to contribute nothing to your bills), it might be time to cut him loose.

I know you said you want to work it out ... but BOTH partners have to be on board for a marriage to work.


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## SevenYears (Jun 23, 2014)

You mentioned that he doesn't pay anything towards the bills. Does this include the children? Or are you paying for everything?

Also do you see each other every day?
Are you spending time as a family?
Is he helping you out with house work and the children?


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## rp9286 (Sep 20, 2014)

SevenYears said:


> You mentioned that he doesn't pay anything towards the bills. Does this include the children? Or are you paying for everything?
> 
> Also do you see each other every day?
> Are you spending time as a family?
> Is he helping you out with house work and the children?


we do not see each other every day.
we do not spend time as a family.
he does not help with the house work because he does not live with me.
he takes the kids every weekend.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What reason/excuse does he give for not living with you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

it sounds as if the two of you have already D


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## SevenYears (Jun 23, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> it sounds as if the two of you have already D


I have to agree. This sounds more like you are both separated. In fact its even worse for you as you're paying for everything. He doesn't even need to pay child maintenance.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

rp9286 said:


> we do not see each other every day.
> we do not spend time as a family.
> he does not help with the house work because he does not live with me.
> he takes the kids every weekend.


You arent really married any more. Divorce him, at least then you will get child support! Why have you been tolerating this??


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