# Tantric Sex?



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I was wondering if anyone here practiced tantric sex with their partner/spouse.

Any books you recommend? Kama Sutra? Is it just a lot of new age hippy dippy stuff? Or was it valuable to your relationship?

It seems to be the opposite of what a lot is talked about at this forum (kink) and focused on creating harmony during sex.

I am not normally a new age kind of guy but I admit my interest is piqued.


----------



## Momof3kids (Nov 24, 2009)

My SO and I just recently started exploring this. We're both fascinated by this, have enjoyed it thus far, and are excited to keep exploring this way. 

We found 2 books that have been interesting. "The Heart of Tantric Sex" by Diana Richardson and "Tantric Sex for Busy Couples" by Diana Daffner.

Good luck!


----------



## Flanders (Feb 26, 2010)

What is tantric sex? Does it mean all the work is done by the women? If it is sounds good.


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Flanders,

Not sure if you'll identify because it's kind of the opposite of "kink"  and I am surprised it isn't generally talked about more here, especially at a married forum.

(I am just teasing you).

I mean, all the talk about blowjobs, cunnilingus, anal sex, men receiving phallic toys up their butt, watching another guy bang my wife, lol. . .again, not that I am opposed to some kink - I like kink. . .but you would think that this subject would have come up.

Tantric sex (and I only have read a couple of primers on it) is an Indian beleif that sex was/is a sacred act and the goal isn't really orgasm for the guy (women are allowed multiple) but using spiritual, emotional and physical techniques, you prolong the pleasure of the act. Men can even have mini-multiples with some training.

Some of the techniques may just be eye gazing or sharing each other's breath in a certain posture. Some certain sexual copulation positions are suggested, like the man being from behind and entering the woman, withdrawing, and entering, while the woman stimulates herself.

But it would be wrong to totally get hung up that it's just a set of physical procedures.

As a divorcing man (who liked being married and missed sex), I find it enticing from a standpoint that as a displaced, homeless former-Christian, now Intelligent Designer at best, I'd like to think that there is room in my life for making sex sacred again, you know?

At least in the future.

The narrow Christian view is (at least Catholic) is that sex is reserved only between 2 married people. And divorced people really don't have a home in the Catholic Church so anyway, the thought of it just enticed me, really not having a set of moral and religious guidelines for sex. I'd like to think (and maybe I am justifying) that sex can be sacred if the two partners approach it that way.

I hope this helps.


----------



## Cherryfest (Apr 21, 2010)

Yes, my hubby and I did a full day Tantric massage course last year. I LOVED it, but he didn't as much. We did it because I believed from fantasy talk that he would like to bring 'third parties' into our relationship so I booked it as a way of doing this without cheating. It totally backfired. He got aroused when the other woman massaged him (all four of us were in the same room), but nothing more than that. I on the other hand just lost myself in pleasure under the hands of the guy massaging me. The day was fantastic and we both agreed that the massage part was romantic, erotic and sensual and something we'd continue to practice together. BUT, my husband felt threatened and while I would do it all again in a heartbeat, he wouldn't do it again and says fantasy should remain fantasy (I'm secretly REALLY happy about this). 
We don't either of us regret it but it didn't quite work out as we thought either. I'd definatly recommend it though


----------



## Cherryfest (Apr 21, 2010)

Just to add. Tantric is WHOLE body massage. It includes the male genitals and in our case external and internal massage of the female genitals too. They are treated exactly the same as the rest of the body, not lingered on or ignored.
Personal feeling? This activity is a fetish, even the masseurs agreed with that so it really should be seen as such. It;s basically cheating for couples under the guise of the word 'massage'.

A rose by any other name - remember?


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Cherryfest,

Interesting. that's not what I have read on the idea of tantric sex. . .that it's a fetish or just a sexual massage, although massaging and some techniques in prolongng sexual pleasure are used in tantric sex.

But thanks for your share. . .maybe my investigation is only cursory.


----------



## Mrs. Segedy (Apr 17, 2010)

I'm new to this, and I'm glad I stumbled upon this thread. If there are any books on this, or websites where I can learn more (Hubby and I are always trying to get into something new) it would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Tantric sex is much more than a massage of course.

Indeed the Tantric ideas are very much even part of a whole belief system even to the point being an entire religion.

I have read many books on this through the years but to recommend one or the other, it is difficult.

Instead maybe to just say a good translation of the Kama Sutra including the many beautiful illustrations is the best to appreciate the philosphy and spiritual ideas.

To many the positions are what they think of to say Tantric sex, but that is maybe missing the point. 

More important to understand the point of view, and at least for me, to take what is beneficial and even so to create with the woman I love something new, is the more proper spirit than following some prescribed positions or even studying a religion for years. What fun in that? 

So to say in my own experience, to explore with my wife some of these ideas has indeed led to experience I am not going to discuss on public boards, but indeed to say in the Kama Sutra and Tantric practice to describe the "ride the wave", that is to the minimum extended orgasms but even much more not going to get into right now, is very much the reality and to experience the deeper relationship together from these very much spiritual relationships, yes the Kama Sutra ideas are very beneficial and very powerful.

But in this, that years ago I have read the books and not so much at all since then, in so many ways have taken what I found beneficial and then have gone in my own direction.

Already in some extent I agreed with the philosophy even before reading about it, the woman vagina as the source of life and deserving adoration, is very much a theme as the "Yoni" is viewed as holy and the source of creation. 

From this is flowing the tantric positions, the body massages, and all these tings from many points of view to not seeing the sexual act as dirty but instead a form of worship. 

Yes to see sex as this way, even a small thing to say, but to many ways it is a complete and different change from maybe anything else ever experienced.

And for a woman to experience this from her man, especially for the first time but even time after time after time, is to many ways a spiritual awakening, and the relationship between the man and the woman is to be taken to the stronger and deeper levels absolutely.


----------



## Cherryfest (Apr 21, 2010)

I agree with all the previous posts about it being spiritual, awakening of senses etc and we read all the books before going . BUT, come on, let's be honest here. You can have ALL those things without being massaged to orgasm in the genital area. People who choose Tantric massage above all over massages are well aware of the difference and as I said even the VERY professional couple we went to agreed that it IS a fetish and that's fine. But to say it's just a massage to awaken senses, spirituality etc is either naive or you're simply kidding yourself.
On the final note. IT'S AWESOME!!!!


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Honestly Cherryfest. . .I have heard more what BigBadWolf has said, not what you have said, but I am not poo-pooing what you are saying either.

And I am not even sure what a "massage therapist" would be doing dabbling in this and doing this "en masse" with a couple.

Are you sure you didn't basically go out and buy some hookers/gigalos?

If anything I thought tantric sex was a branch of yoga vs. a massage technique.

It sounds like a dichotomous opinion though. . .like I originally wrote - it would seem to give room to the idea that sex should and can be sacred, even outside the boundaries of marriage/Christianity. You on the other hand are saying tantric sex is "kink."

How is what BigBadWolf indicating that sex is "kink". . .especially when all I see written here are threesomes, anal toys, wife strapping on for me. . .etc? Again, not that I am opposed to a little kink 

I am sure the most uptight Christian would actually agree with you since it seems new-agey - tantric sex is unnatural.


----------



## Cherryfest (Apr 21, 2010)

No it's not at all unnatural and the people we went to were trained in Reiki, Head Massage, Sports massage, holistic medicine etc and also ran full day massage technique courses across the country. They were fully licenced and totally professional. The tantric massage course was simply a choice out of over 40 different massage/holistic courses that they ran. it was also the only one that included genital massage. Please read ANY book, link etc on Tantric massage and you will see that it includes this part of the male and female body every time.
Yes we chose this kind of massage because we had done other massage courses but not this one and yes, any kind of sexual stimulation is wonderful purely out of human nature and human response but THAT part lasted only 20 or so minutes out of an 8 hour day course so you have to put it in context.
The actual therapists told us that basically it IS a fetish otherwise people would simply stick to 'normal' massage, also that it can be a wonderful therapy for couples who feel they have body or sex issues. 
All I'm saying is that if you chose from many, many massage techniques to have one that includes massage of the genitals, then you are doing it for a reason and that reason is sexual pleasure no matter what else is part of the course. Is that wrong or unnatural. Of course not, it's pleasure, just don't kid yourself it's anything else is all I'm saying.


----------



## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Hi Scannerguard

I've arrived at this a little late but i've had an interest in Buddhist art and have looked a little at Tantric Yoga.

I understand Tantra to be an austere discipline employed by countless generations of Tibetan monks and other adepts in the pursuit of Enlightenment. Yes, it is what we consider to be an erotic practice; no, it is not an orgy nor anything resembling one.

Briefly, at the risk of being 'hippy-dippy', the practitioner seeks to harmonize bodily, spiritual and cosmic energies to proceed towards the profound state of Enlightenment. These guys don't aim for a physical orgasm - the idea is to attain a spiritual, internal climax analogous to Enlightenment's release from the tyrannical cycle of birth, death and reincarnation. It's a life-long, devout erotic meditation but by now you'll understand that the obvious physical pleasure I would want is simply a hindrance to their spiritual objectives.

It might be easier to grasp the complexity of their theology - the Jesuits had nothing on these guys - by googling Tibetan Mandalas and/or Tantric cosmograms - making sure you don't end up looking at Western versions of the originals. (Tragically, the Chinese occupiers of Tibet have utterly wrecked almost everything pertaining to Buddhist worship there and not too many medieval originals survive now).

Which brings me to 'Tantra for busy couples'...um...well, sensual massage is one addiction I intend never to be cured of but I can't think there's much convergence between Tibetan devotions and Western practices borrowing their hallowed name. And the Kama Sutra is from India, not Tibet - those two countries forms of Buddhism are rather different. hope this helps!


----------



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

From what little I know about it, it is the art of honouring the god and goddess in eachother. The male and female part of the whole. Together your intent is to draw down "the Source" what most people call "God". It is a lost form of love making, because it removes the need to ejaculate and climax. It is not about self gratification but more of a worship of the divine in your partner, I guess I miss my male half today!


----------



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

This is something I have always wanted to explore. My H and I have/had great sex but this seems so much deeper.


----------



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

i know a deeper meaningful love making...wouldn't that be something?


----------



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I have had very deep meaningful love making myself where you almost want to cry afterwards but I have always wondered if people who practice this it is like that every time?


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

As a guy I have never had the urge to cry but my stb-x had been moved that way a few times. It was nice to kiss her tears away during afterplay.

I would say it's more of an intense like "leaving your body" feeling that I have experienced. Raw ecstacy. I would like a partner to explore this.

This reminds me like the novel The DaVinci Code wrote about. . .


----------



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

yeah the answer was in Paris wasn't it?


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

No, I remember the author fictionalized that instead of sex being forbidden as per the Catholic Church that sex was some kind of holy act. I remembe that the woman's grandparents were involved in some kind of worship scenario with sex in part of the book ( I read it awhile ago ). 

I think the novel also fictionalized/hypothesized that Jesus was married (to Mary Magaline, a prostitute) and that part of his ministry here was to instruct that we were meant to live monogamously vs. polygamously (as previous bible stories where men had many wives).

Say what you want about the novel (heresy, etc.), it was interesting because all Jewish males were "married off" by age 15 or 16. 

Why Jesus didn't marry, mate and reproduce as a human male and Son of God is only food for thought for speculation.

Anyway, off on a tangent but the idea of tantric sex with a partner seems right for me - really reserving time to worship your partner's body.


----------



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

I love Jesus but not the Catholic Church. The Vatican is nothing more than a man made corporation and nothing to do with Jesus.
Jesus probably had Mary as a lover and there is some speculation that there is a blood line to France and that she did have a child with him. A mystery at best.
Interesting tangent but don't get me started on the Catholic church though.
I agree the art of love making is being lost in a sea of porn. The sacredness of our sexuality is being distorted and abused. People fornicate for self gratification. Lower chakra energy. When two people are united in intercourse they become one female/male counter part. In essence we become one . I have studied a little Kabbalah and from this I understand that we are always searching for the counter part of ourselves because our souls were seperated in the big bang. Soul mates constantly looking for eachother to be full of the light of source. AHHH now doesn't sound nice? It is a sacred act but we loose our way because we are human and not flawless, but ever evolving. That's why we are here!


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Amanda:

Ah, well, let's go there. I tread where mere mortals dare to go - religion, politics and sex . I mean what better subjects are there anyway, besides football? 

First of all, I only find Catholic doctrine and history interesting. . .I don't necessarily subscribe to it. So you won't offend me. I am used to hearing anti-Catholic hyperbole. It's often well thought-out, more than you may think. Most people just assume the Vatican is a bunch of old, homosexual repressed men walking around dictating policy on sex and marriage. I happen to think some things make logical sense, especially, after living through it, the concept of consummation and marriage.

Anyway, I agree - sex is being lost in a sea of pornography. I am not a prude, I am a sinner, but I also think Christian churches and religions don't pay much attention to sex with couples and young men from a practical standpoint.

I did a thread on pre-marital sex instruction from their pre-cana and got very little feedback which tells me churches leave little impression on how to create a positive sex life.

I mean. . .back to your point about porn. . .speaking as a guy. . .we are responsible for initiating and often (not saying it's optimal) for the woman laying there and reaching orgasm. I mean, I had to really work to figure this out. I mean, it was a labor of love, LOL. . .but crap, a little help would have been appreciated in figuring out your complex mind and beautiful bodies.

Let me tell you - BIG RESPONSIBILITY. Crap. . .I didn't know jack squat how to please a woman. . .how I am supposed to know where and what to do, unless your first lay is going to be an experienced 39 year old horny woman at her sexual peak?

(and we all know who you are, here ladies! Stay away from my boys! )



So where does a 17-19 year old ready to mate go for education? Well, I tell you where I got a lot of mine - Playboy, Penthouse, and lockerroom talk amongst my buddies. Not any religion.

How reliable or unreliable that was - debatable. I'm sure some of it was good and some of it was crap like anything else. I guess at least Indian culture allows the act to be sacred and attempts to bring it into your spiritual life.

Hey, I enjoy conversations like this as much as "If a man wants his wife to use a strap-on, is he gay?" LOL.


----------



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

well is he?


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

LOL. . .well, after much intellectual debate here on that subject on a different thread it seems it was split about 2/3rds saying no and me being in the 1/3rd saying yes.


----------



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

that's interesting becaues I guess if the roles were reversed it is like a woman asking a man to strap on a soft moist hole resembling a vagina...which would mean I would want that...at which point I would say "no I don't think so I want what you got!" Sounds perverted to me. These men want to "roleplay" gay sex...why? It's like a woman wanting to roleplay sex with a woman with her man. I would think this only happens when the mind is getting diverted by homosexual tendencies. Sometimes I've thought if we had the chance to reverse our sexual chemistry for one night how many men would elect to stay as women vs how many women would select staying male? weird thought I know.


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> These men want to "roleplay" gay sex...why?


I don't know. . .good question. The general consensus on the thread seemed to be in felt good on their prostate.

I don't get it either.


----------

