# Tips for non working wives who want to divorce?



## Stars54 (Jul 23, 2013)

I am considering divorce but have a couple of reasons for hesitating, the biggest of which is that I do not work and my husband is the sole income earner. I am in the process of beginning a new career as a real estate agent, but this costs a good amount of money up front to get started, most of which we've already paid for, but there are still board dues and a broker fees I will need to pay, and then I would also have to first get clients and such before ever receiving a pay check. I've never done this line of work before so I do not know how long it will take me to really get good at this, get clients, and earn my own money. So I am worried that if we divorce I will have no money, and similarly I would have nowhere to go because I wouldn't be able to afford my own place. Have other women been in a similar situation? Any tips on going through a divorce if you don't have an income or can afford your own place? Deep down, I still have faith as small as a mustard seed that this marriage can work, but looking at the situation head on it seems like it's already over.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stars54 said:


> I am considering divorce but have a couple of reasons for hesitating, the biggest of which is that I do not work and my husband is the sole income earner. I am in the process of beginning a new career as a real estate agent, but this costs a good amount of money up front to get started, most of which we've already paid for, but there are still board dues and a broker fees I will need to pay, and then I would also have to first get clients and such before ever receiving a pay check. I've never done this line of work before so I do not know how long it will take me to really get good at this, get clients, and earn my own money. So I am worried that if we divorce I will have no money, and similarly I would have nowhere to go because I wouldn't be able to afford my own place. Have other women been in a similar situation? Any tips on going through a divorce if you don't have an income or can afford your own place? Deep down, I still have faith as small as a mustard seed that this marriage can work, but looking at the situation head on it seems like it's already over.


It's fairly common for women some wives to not have much earning potential and experience. Though this is becoming less and less common since 70% of married women work. Almost half of all women earn as much or more than their husbands.

In order to help you out, it would be extremely helpful to know what you live. I am assuming the USA, so what state. 

How long have you been married?
How many years have you been unemployed?
What is your education level?

Are there any children from this marriage.

What the issues in the marriage? Is it that you are no longer in love with him? is he abusive (I do not assume that he is but please give examples of the worse abuse and frequency.)

Without info it's very hard to give any kind of help/advice.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have started to read your other thread...

together 10 years
married less than 3 years

I assume you are in your late 20's/early 30's?

Is this right?

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/101609-separate-stay.html


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## Stars54 (Jul 23, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> It's fairly common for women some wives to not have much earning potential and experience. Though this is becoming less and less common since 70% of married women work. Almost half of all women earn as much or more than their husbands.
> 
> In order to help you out, it would be extremely helpful to know what you live. I am assuming the USA, so what state.
> 
> ...



Thanks for the response. We just moved to california a year and a half ago so I had quit my job back home to move out here for his job. So just starting to get into real estate and am working at an agency the next town over from me. It's one of the best offices in our state so I'm fairly confident I will do well, I just don't have the money up front as it takes a little while to get that first paycheck after my first closing.

We've been married 3 years, together for 12. No kids. There are just too many issues. We've both said hurtful things to each other that are hard to heal, I don't like his family which is a recurring issue, we have really different personalities and just don't want the same things. No abuse other than saying hurtful words to each other.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have been married less than 3 years and have work experience.

My advice is that you move back to where your family is. Get a job there and then pursue your real estate career there.

You can file for temporary spousal support that will last until your divorce is final. Temp spousal support is usually somewhere between 30% to 50% of what he earns. You can ask for half of all assets that were accumulated in the 2-3 years of your marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stars54 said:


> Thanks for the response. We just moved to california a year and a half ago so I had quit my job back home to move out here for his job. So just starting to get into real estate and am working at an agency the next town over from me. It's one of the best offices in our state so I'm fairly confident I will do well, I just don't have the money up front as it takes a little while to get that first paycheck after my first closing.
> 
> We've been married 3 years, together for 12. No kids. There are just too many issues. We've both said hurtful things to each other that are hard to heal, I don't like his family which is a recurring issue, we have really different personalities and just don't want the same things. No abuse other than saying hurtful words to each other.


Since you are in CA you can also ask for alimony. You might be able to get alimony for half the length of time you have been married. 

In CA you are going to pay from $2500 to 10's of thousands of dollars to get a divorce. He's going to pay that much as well. You will be very very lucky if it you can find an attorney for as little as $2500. Then he will have to pay the as much or more as you do. My bet is that the attorney's will get more than either of you do.. unless the two of you are very well off.

Or the two of you can come to a settlement on your own and file a non-contested divorce. It's not hard to do in CA.

Here is a link to the CA court self-help site.
Divorce or Separation - divorce_or_separation_selfhelp


Would you consider moving back to where you are from?

The cost of living in much of CA is ridiculous. My brother spends $1,600 a month on a small two bedroom apartment that would cost $800 a month here... no swimming pool, no exercise room, no common places nothing.


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## Stars54 (Jul 23, 2013)

Thank you for the helpful info and the link. It's good to know there are options. The non contested divorce sounds most amicable. I guess I'll show him the info and see what he says, I think he'd agree that non contested would be best as well. 

I think I will try to move back to the east coast eventually, but probably not just yet. Where I'm from is pretty similar cost of living to here so I think it would actually be more expensive to move back given the cost of a cross country move. I plan to end up on the east coast but for now I feel I should work a bit out here since I just invested so much time into getting my CA real estate license. 

Thank you again for your advice. It is good to know that divorce is possible even without being completely established yet.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you get established in a real estate career in CA you will probably never be able to move back east. The reason is that it takes a long time to established, build up your client list, etc. Once you do that, the idea of starting over with no income would be much harder than it is right now.

You could get a part time job I suppose to carry you though until you start to get commissions.

Another thing you might want to look into is becoming a Notary Signing Agent. That might be a way to supplement your income. These are the folks to go to loan closings and notarize the signing.

Right now I'm working to put together things that I will do in retirement for income and to keep busy. It's something that I'm looking at. I've started to take the classes on line. They are pretty easy and don't cost that much. For you this might make sense since you are also in the real estate business.

You have to become a notary first. Then you take the notary signing agent class and they do a back ground check. I'm using the national notary sight to do all this.

National Notary Association: Become a Notary, Renew your Notary commission, Notary training, Notary supplies, Learn How to become a Notary, Notary classes


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## Stars54 (Jul 23, 2013)

Thank you, I will consider that.


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