# Trouble with the law!!



## Mommy misses you (Aug 3, 2009)

I wrote a while back cause I found out I was pregnant again, I ended up also losing that pregnancy four days later. I have been off my bi-polar meds and I have been trying to express myself to my husband and the two losses and he doesnt ever talk about feelings and I mean he doesnt talk AT ALL, He either lies about his feelings or makes things up or says he doesnt know. So last mon he started saying crap to me to hurt me about the baby thing and he wanted to leave and I didnt want him to. He grabbed my arm and I snapped. I bit him on his arm and his back. When he went out the door 10mins later the cops knocked on my door. I got arrested and spent three days in jail. I got charged with domestic violence and have 52weeks of domestic classes and probation for three years and they also ordered me to stay away from my husband. A protection order. He doesnt want it and neither do I but its in the courts hand. I have no family or friends where I live. For me to get to my appts my husband has to take me, So either ill get caught being with him or being arrested not going to my classes, So either way im screwed. My husband is returning to the court house to ask them to please remove it. We never have gotten in fights like this where cops were called. I am not a abuser, I explained to them im mentally unstable with out my pills and they didnt care, The judge was a As*hole. I have looked up domestic violence and I am not like that or control things. I also wrote a letter to the judge to make her understand that it was a mistake and that I wasnt taking my pills because I was pregnant and after losing my pregnancy I did have a appt set up to get on another kind of pills so its safe during pregnnacy. I am so scared and worried cause my husband never knows how he feels and he told me after I got out he loves me but doesnt love me the same, He says he is confused and thinks I should move back to another state where my family is but then says he doesnt know. I tried to tell him its not like it was my fault or I enjoyed doing it and that its a illness I cant control with out my meds, He said I didnt think of it that way. I love him and I dont know what to do. I guess ill have to keep a low profile.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm glad you are looking into getting back on medication. With all of the current chaos, you may want to focus on getting your marriage in a stable place before starting a family. Your relationship sounds immature, reminds me of how some teens interact and not a healthy environment for children.

If you love him, work on your own issues. If you can learn to be a safe place for him to open up, he just may do that. Up until now, I'd be afraid to say what's on my mind if I were him....opening up to you seems like a ticking time bomb & you don't know when it will blow but you sure as heck don't want to take any chances.


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## Mommy misses you (Aug 3, 2009)

The not being able to talk thing he has, Has nothing to do with me. He has been like this since he was a little boy because of his mom. She would follow him to room to room and push and push til he would cry. Because of that he has told me he just got so use to lieing and making stuff up so he doesnt have to talk about feelings. I am not immature I just didnt think too much of being off my meds. I was so worried and afriad for the baby because it wasnt safe taking my meds at the time. I didnt get on it right away after the loss because my husband kept saying we were going to try then would change hismind he kept going back and forth for four months. I cant change the way he is but I know how I am with out my pills and instead of believeing him I should of just gotten back on it. It was my mistake and I know that.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Mommy misses you said:


> I am not a abuser, I explained to them im mentally unstable with out my pills and they didnt care, The judge was a As*hole.


i know you're going through a rough time and this is going to be harsh for you. but the truth is, the majority of violence is not intentional. it starts small and escalates from a series of bad choices. 

ive been through similar. i never saw myself as an abuser, either. i had my excuses for treating my H the way i did. i also took heavy medication and it had weird effects. but i never changed until i accepted responsibility for my actions, stopped making excuses, and saw myself for what i was- an abuser. then i could start changing my choices that were leading me to be abusive.

my sister also came off her med's once and attacked my mom. choked her. she went to jail, too. she played the same card, the 'im not an abuser.' still does to this day. blames it on the meds. and her life continues to be a cycle of violence and abuse. her life is miserable and she keeps trying to blame it on something else. she never learns. 

you are an abuser. you attacked your H- and that was just the tip of the ice berg. there were so many small choices that led to you getting this out of control. you can either learn from it, find out what choices led you to get that out of control, and make wiser choices, or play the martyr card and continue to be abusive.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I guess what I'm thinking is, if he already has a really hard time opening up and you have big issues when not on your medication, it's a bad mix all the way around.

I think if back on the meds you are able to become a soft place for him to land, that would be the ideal place to start. Getting to a point where he begins to open up and you begin to feel close to one another. For both of you, it's important you are doing things because it's right for both of you, not just to please the other if it's truely goes against your own needs.


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