# Sex and no passion?



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I've read alot on this forum, and it seems to me that most guys want "sex" from their wives. I don't blame you at all for that, as that's your way of bonding emotionally with your wife..........along with the stress release.

However, being a woman, I want "passion" in the sack. Unfortunately my Hubs does not really know what passion is. I feel that when we are intimate, it's just sex......that's what it feels like to me.

How can I express this to him and get him to be passionate?  If it's not something that he already has within him, can it ever happen for him/us? 

Don't get me wrong, there are passionate men out there, and ladies you are lucky to have that kind of man. 

I've never felt passion between the sheets with my husband and this is bothering me. We're both in our early 40s and we've been together 11 years.....married for almost 8...........and one 6 year old child.

Help!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Depends on your definition of passion. I think I know what you mean though because in my case it was my husband who wanted that from me. Before it was just sex. We've been married for 20 years and in the last year I have upped my game to bring more passion to our sex life.

So yes people can change if they have the desire to do so. But as long as you accept things the way they are nothing will change.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Passion as in "making love".......getting entwined with each other's bodies. Kissing my neck, maybe a little nibbling, too, all while ...............making love. 

I'm not talking about the slow jazz, the candles, etc. We already do that from time to time. 

I feel like our intimate times are more like porn sex. And maybe that's all he knows since he watched porn in his teens. But I'm sorry, that is not the way to make love to a woman.

Does that make more sense?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think the answer to this can be found on your hugging/groping thread if you read between the lines. We can't just turn it off and on.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think the answer to this can be found on your hugging/groping thread if you read between the lines. We can't just turn it off and on.


Are you saying the answer to is to appreciate his gropes/hugs and not feel disrespected?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Does that make more sense?


Completely.

He can learn how to do this but you will have to communicate the importance. The key will be to match your actions wth your words. If you continue having porn sex it sends the message that you are okay with it. Simply stop having porn sex. Outside the bedroom when things are calm tell him what you want and what is no longer acceptable to you. Be nice and gentle with your words.

If he goes for the porn sex after you have explicitly in clear, concise language told him what you need just stop. Walk away. Trust me he will learn REAL QUICK how to make love to you the way you need it if you do this.

As long as you accept the porn sex nothing will change. Nothing.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Are you saying the answer to is to appreciate his gropes/hugs and not feel disrespected?


Heck no. That needs to stop too. I totally didn't realize that was YOUR husband. Sigh. You've got your hands full. He's trainable but it's going to take some serious work on your part. He seems to have no respect for women and like I said on your other thread he sounds 12.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Are you saying the answer to is to appreciate his gropes/hugs and not feel disrespected?


No. I'm saying if you get angry at him for sexual touching on Tuesday it's pretty difficult to get passionate on Wednesday. Passion is something that has to be built. So when he starts to build are you helping to build or are you tearing it down?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Heck no. That needs to stop too. I totally didn't realize that was YOUR husband. Sigh. You've got your hands full. He's trainable but it's going to take some serious work on your part. He seems to have no respect for women and like I said on your other thread he sounds 12.


:lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: I always ask him if he's 14!!! :rofl: :rofl:

But, in all seriousness, you're right. I do need communicate this to him.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No. I'm saying if you get angry at him for sexual touching on Tuesday it's pretty difficult to get passionate on Wednesday. Passion is something that has to be built. So when he starts to build are you helping to build or are you tearing it down?


For what it's worth, he could have sex everyday. But whether we have it everyday, or once a week, it's all the same. So the "build" theory in my case, doesn't work.

I honestly believe he just does not know how to "make love" passionately. 

We do it in different positions, don't get me wrong, so it's not that it's "vanilla"..........him always on top. When he is on top, he's stretched out, using his knees and then up on his hands over me. I'd prefer his arms wrapped around me and our bodies moving to the rythm of love. But then we always, and I do mean ALWAYS end in doggie. I hate that! No passion! I have said something to him before, several times, throughout our marriage. He says he can't ejaculate being on top. Has to be from the side or from behind.

Is something wrong with him? :scratchhead:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> But, in all seriousness, you're right. I do need communicate this to him.


In your actions AND your words. If you tell him you are not okay with the groping and the porn sex but you allow it to happen then it's the same as saying it's okay. If he doesn't stop and you keep meeting HIS needs whatever they may be you are communicating that all is well.

Does this make sense? Take back your power.


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## WeDoExist (Mar 6, 2012)

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been married for almost 2 years and can relate to you. I have always desired more passion in my sex life w/ my wife. Sometimes I feel like she would rather just "f*ck" than make love. And believe me, I can have primal, no-holds-barred sex. But, I would much rather make love most of the time. We are mixing things up though and they are getting better. Just tell your husband what you want. Don't criticize the sex you have been having...but tell him about the kind of sex you DO want to have. Just him knowing that you want him like that should turn him on.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

You will have to show him how you want to make love. Lead him to slow down and pay attention to foreplay. Take his hands and put them where you want them to be. Let him know with your body language what feels good. Tell him that gentle and slow is exciting for you. He may not know what you want, so smile seductively, kiss him gently, and murmur how much pleasure you get from passionate sex.

I hope this isn't TMI. I am assuming that you want love-making, and not just screwing.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> You will have to show him how you want to make love. Lead him to slow down and pay attention to foreplay. Take his hands and put them where you want them to be. Let him know with your body language what feels good. Tell him that gentle and slow is exciting for you. He may not know what you want, so smile seductively, kiss him gently, and murmur how much pleasure you get from passionate sex.
> 
> I hope this isn't TMI. I am assuming that you want love-making, and not just screwing.


YES! You know what I'm talking about! I HAVE told him to slow down, etc. He does for like a few seconds..........literally............but then it's back to rabbit [email protected]!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Maybe we are just not compatible in the bedroom.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Maybe we are just not compatible in the bedroom.


No, I wouldn't say that. You just have to lead him to make love in the way that you can appreciate. He will love to see you excited and enthusiastic about sex. You will have to be patient, but I'll bet he will be a happy student.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> YES! You know what I'm talking about! I HAVE told him to slow down, etc. He does for like a few seconds..........literally............but then it's back to rabbit [email protected]!


Then STOP HIM. It takes two to rabbit [email protected] Do this enough times and he will get the message. Just stop. Get up if you have to but stop him. Change positions where he can't do this.

Take control and TEACH HIM through your actions. Show him what he's missing. Passionate sex is way more fun than just screwing. Sell him on the idea that he's missing a whole other level of sex because he's going too fast.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Then STOP HIM. It takes two to rabbit [email protected] Do this enough times and he will get the message. Just stop. Get up if you have to but stop him.


Then he'll get mad and think that "I've got mine, but he can't get his"? 

Believe me, I've been down that road.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Get a porno geared towards pleasing women, a nice passionate one  . Have him watch it with you and maybe he will get a few pointers. Or at least learn not all sex ends up in doggy. And I've never been with a lover who couldn't cum while being on top ever! Sounds like he mentally conditioned himself to only orgasm like that? He can retrain himself if he's actually willing. I wouldn't hold my breath though, he sounds so incredibly selfish.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Then he'll get mad and think that "I've got mine, but he can't get his"?
> 
> Believe me, I've been down that road.


Then let him get mad. Aren't YOU mad?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

A good sexual relationship takes time and willingness of both partners to learn how to please each other. Try some of the suggestions here. It may not work immediately, but you will be glad that you created a passionate connection with your husband. There is nothing else like the feeling of being totally loved.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Then let him get mad. Aren't YOU mad?


Yes, years ago, I was mad. Then I just "lived with it", but now I'm at the point of mad and what's the use!!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Yes, years ago, I was mad. Then I just "lived with it", but now I'm at the point of mad and what's the use!!


The use is do you want to live the rest of your life never ever being fully made love to? If not with this guy someone else?

If your husband loves you he will learn but it's going to take you standing up for what you deserve FIRST. And get mad. Really mad. Anger has it's purpose when you do something with it otherwise it's pointless.

Look he may not be the guy for you but you won't know until you push for what you need. If you do nothing....you get nothing.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

southern wife said:


> For what it's worth, he could have sex everyday. But whether we have it everyday, or once a week, it's all the same. So the "build" theory in my case, doesn't work.
> 
> I honestly believe he just does not know how to "make love" passionately.
> 
> ...


Help to set the pace that you need during lovemaking too. Talk with him outside the bedroom that you want to spice up your lovelife and you want more passionate sex. Give him examples of the things that you would like. Give him fair warning that you want to try and implement these things.

Then, start to do them. I do that with my H all the time - I say please put your hands here and do this, and then I urgently move his hands there. If they stray, I just do it again. When he does the things that I really like, I respond very passionately back - he likes that a lot.

And it doesn't have to always be 'my' way. We incorporate some of both of what we want in to every session.

And, your H likes the from behind because it's tigther that way. My H likes that too, but sometimes I want to end face to face, and will slightly resist when he tries to move me facing away and tell him I want to be looking in his eyes - that is his signal that I strongly desire finishing face to face - and I make it worthwhile for him.

I am also more passionate when we are more connected outside the bedroom. When my H and I are connecting well outside the bedroom, and he's flirty, and when we connect after sex and hold each other and talk - it makes it all more passionate.

Like a lot of women, you are likely seeking passion in the whole experience of sex - the buildup, the deed, the afterglow - not just passion in the deed. That's the problem with 'porn sex' - it's focused more on the deed and there's not as much of a passionate experience overall.

Best wishes.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Help to set the pace that you need during lovemaking too. Talk with him outside the bedroom that you want to spice up your lovelife and you want more passionate sex. Give him examples of the things that you would like. Give him fair warning that you want to try and implement these things.
> 
> Then, start to do them. I do that with my H all the time - I say please put your hands here and do this, and then I urgently move his hands there. If they stray, I just do it again. When he does the things that I really like, I respond very passionately back - he likes that a lot.
> 
> ...


Yes, yes...........and H#ll to the YES! You know what I'm wanting. The whole experience of sex - the buildup, the deed, the afterglow. :iagree:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Thank you for all the advice here. I'm going to try to communicate, pull back when things get "rabbit", and see how it goes. If he gets mad, let him. He's had it his way for 11 years.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Thank you for all the advice here. I'm going to try to communicate, pull back when things get "rabbit", and see how it goes. If he gets mad, let him. He's had it his way for 11 years.


It's your turn dang it.

Great attitude. And tell him this too. Tell him you've been doing it HIS way for 11 years and now it's your turn.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Oooh, I have the exact same issue with my hubby. Though I do admit at the time I'm all for the rabbit [email protected], looking back at times I long for that passion. We've had it before...like twice. But we've also been long distance for most of the time we've been together so maybe when we saw each other after being apart for a while that's what he really wanted to do...I dunno. It doesn't bother me much but I'd like to "make love" more often.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> You will have to show him how you want to make love. Lead him to slow down and pay attention to foreplay. Take his hands and put them where you want them to be. Let him know with your body language what feels good. Tell him that gentle and slow is exciting for you. He may not know what you want, so smile seductively, kiss him gently, and murmur how much pleasure you get from passionate sex.
> 
> I hope this isn't TMI. I am assuming that you want love-making, and not just screwing.


BINGO!!! I totally agree with this. As a guy I know that each woman is different on what they like and what they don't like. I have no problem with a woman telling what she likes. HOWEVER!!! Don't bust his nuts on it, don't bruise his ego. tell him "That feels really good, but try this..." then direct him. If it feels good, let him know it! Respond with your voice and your body if he's doing something right.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southern wife said:


> For what it's worth, he could have sex everyday. But whether we have it everyday, or once a week, it's all the same. So the "build" theory in my case, doesn't work.
> 
> I honestly believe he just does not know how to "make love" passionately.
> 
> ...


My husband is the complete opposite of this...he doesn't even want doggie... It was me who made us try it...I was thinking there was something wrong with him ! He could care less. 

He has never held himself up on top of me either ....he is very close, face to face, kissing me ...and my neck....I do love this like mad.... it is very romantic. 

My husband is very quiet in bed & sometimes I complain I want more KINK out of him -even more porn wildness -but after reading this thread .... I think I need to shut my big mouth !!! 

I DO love what we do, and when you have this, you thirst for it all the time, it really never gets old. 



> *MrsOldNews said*: Get a porno geared towards pleasing women, a nice passionate one . Have him watch it with you and maybe he will get a few pointers. Or at least learn not all sex ends up in doggy. And I've never been with a lover who couldn't cum while being on top ever! Sounds like he mentally conditioned himself to only orgasm like that?


 If he can only cum like that...it may be a mental conditioning, our minds are so powerful. Also if men are chronic masterbators, they are "used to" a certain fastness and tightness (like they get from their hands)....this also can make if difficult to cum unless he is getting that in intercourse....if he was not masterbating so much...and let his horniness build & the sensitivity of his penis...he likely would get off during love making . My husband used to be so senstive (cause he didn't masterbate ) ...that once it was in, a few pumps and he was ready to blow. 

Could be a little test ..if he is willing to wait a couple days...to built his sensitivity. 

But if not, after he has gotten you in the passionate love making you so crave from him...a little teaching, discussing.... you probably wouldn't mind if he finishes another way. There are times my husband doesn't get his when he is on top (rare though) and I let him have me sideways, cause I know that is one of his favorites. 

I have 3 suggestions for you on DVD...Highly highly passionate scenes..."making love" all over it....which is accually my favorite to find in porn ...not an easy task at all !! .....I've rented so much of it, when I come across something this beautiful, I get very excited about it. 


Erotic Strip Dance DVD - Loving Sex DVD Series This is about learning how to do erotic dancing for your husband....each step.. what a pure delightful ending... a slow sensual passionate making love scene....beautiful....the way it should be.

Playgirl: Sexual Sensations  That couple on the cover of this DVD is the scene, I think it was called Marital Bliss or something....very slow, loving and passionate. (this is the place place we used to rent from)

Candida Royalle's Three Daughters Scene at the end (always at the end...very passionate).


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

To the OP: I know how you feel about passionless sex. I've told my wife that basically she treats me like a pair of hands and a living dildo (w/o trying to be too graphic).

I get her in the mood with my hands, and make her feel great.

She tries to do the same for me only it feels mechanical... like she's trying to follow a procedure/recipe).

She gets off very quickly (1-5 minutes) and done. I mean DONE done, like it's over. She'll try and help me out after but it's clear that she's not in the moment at all anymore.

Outside of the bedroom she shows her love, but in the bedroom it feels like there's just nothing there. We are going to start sex therapy next friday... hoping in the weeks to come something can be discovered/learned to turn things around. It's been like that (or worse) for the entirety of our ~15 year marriage.

Sorry I don't have anything to add/help with... just know you aren't alone.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

To the OP (Southernwife, I think) - I posted a thread here called "Intercourse Without Thrusting" not too long ago. Please check it out.

What my wife and I have recently discovered is "Slow Sex". We used some of these principles lately and it was absolutely mind-blowing. Your husband just needs some re-programming about what sex really is and should be. Society tells us all about what "Sex" should be, and we all just mindlessly follow those expectations. 

What we end up doing is going through a particular set of motions and physical acts, and we call it sex. It's primarily about meeting only the man's needs. What most couples do in the bedroom doesn't really meet a woman's physical and emotional needs, it doesn't create that physical and emotional connection many women crave.

You may be having difficulty expressing your desires and needs to your husband, so he really doesn't have a clear idea of what you really want and need.

Slowing things way down allows you to relax, and focus on the feelings, and allow your husband to focus on you.

I'm reading "Slow Sex" right now (go to Learn OM: The 15-Minute Female Orgasm, Discover the benefits of Orgasmic Meditation (OM) at OneTaste and watch the video), and we are not actually doing the prescribed program, but we are incorporating many of the principles. I consider myself a relatively sexually enlightened man, and this has completely changed my ideas about what sex is and what it can be. In the past week or so, sex has been even better than I ever imagined it could be. We are both almost 50, married 25 years, and we can't keep our hands off each other.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

When Browncoat up there says "... like she's trying to follow a procedure/recipe", that's exactly what I am talking about when it comes to our preconceived notions about sex. 

Many couples approach sex like they are baking a cake. They undress, the woman lies on her back, the man gets on top, he moves it in and out, he gets off, and voila, they call it sex.

Your husband (and you too) just need some re-programming. I would seek a marriage counselor who has credentials as a sex therapist as your first step, and you should go as a couple.


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## tokn (Sep 9, 2011)

Passion is different for everyone.

For me, I think most of the passion falls outside the bedroom.

What I mean is you romance each other, dates, non sexual touching such as kissing and hugging, doing activities that you both appreciate, be it art, outdoors, a walk in the park, etc...find ways to connect on an emotional level.

Sometimes being in LTR, we get complacent and the other person is just there.

Try to find ways to ignite each others' passion outside the bedroom and chances are, it will follow into the bedroom.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

tokn said:


> Passion is different for everyone.
> 
> For me, I think most of the passion falls outside the bedroom.
> 
> ...


We are talking about semantics, so please don't take this as argumentative. I could just as easily be wrong, and perhaps the definitions aren't universal.

I'd say outside of the bedroom all the things you are talking about (walks, art, connecting, etc...) those are affection perhaps even romance.

Passion is something more primal and stronger (but temporal and elusive).


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

Sounds like you two are just different in regard to sex. Maybe there is a middle ground so that you can both be satisfied?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband is the complete opposite of this...he doesn't even want doggie... It was me who made us try it...I was thinking there was something wrong with him ! He could care less.
> 
> He has never held himself up on top of me either ....he is very close, face to face, kissing me ...and my neck....I do love this like mad.... it is very romantic.
> 
> ...


SA, thanks so much for this! I was hoping you would come in here and post, give your insights. 

Nothing wrong with wanting "kink", but when it's the same ole, same ole......it's not satisfying.

I will check out those links and videos you suggested.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> Sorry I don't have anything to add/help with... just know you aren't alone.


Thank you for your post. I'm learning very quickly that I'm not alone in this regard.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

keeper63 said:


> To the OP (Southernwife, I think) - I posted a thread here called "Intercourse Without Thrusting" not too long ago. Please check it out.
> 
> What my wife and I have recently discovered is "Slow Sex". We used some of these principles lately and it was absolutely mind-blowing. Your husband just needs some re-programming about what sex really is and should be. Society tells us all about what "Sex" should be, and we all just mindlessly follow those expectations.
> 
> ...


Thank you! That is just what I need! :smthumbup: Slow sex............love it!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

tokn said:


> Passion is different for everyone.
> 
> For me, I think most of the passion falls outside the bedroom.
> 
> ...


We do all of things outside of the bedroom.....hold hands, lay together on the sofa and watch TV, kiss each other, give hugs, etc.

Thank you!


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

southern wife said:


> I've read alot on this forum, and it seems to me that most guys want "sex" from their wives. I don't blame you at all for that, as that's your way of bonding emotionally with your wife..........along with the stress release.
> 
> However, being a woman, I want "passion" in the sack. Unfortunately my Hubs does not really know what passion is. I feel that when we are intimate, it's just sex......that's what it feels like to me.
> 
> ...


Well I am sorry you have this issue.. I can tell you from my experience (being a man) I have the same trouble with my wife. She is a zero when it comes to any passion and always has been. If she gives a slight moan moment it is way over the top usuallly she is quiet as a mouse. No foreplay, no kissing, touching, groping, nada. Wham bam thank you m'am silent sex.
I have tried many ways, tried talking, still a limp dish rag in the sack.. most of the time she will not even look at me.
Hate to seem negative here but based on her I don't know if you can get people to change.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

My wife complains that I don't kiss her but is also the first one who wants me to RF and hurry up about it. Then complains I don't last long. I'm more of the slow and methodical kind of guy and prefer lots of kissing and other things. 

Don't get me wrong, hard, fast and shoot the load in the hole is fun. But, there isn't much of a connection from that kind of sex. You want two people becoming one long enough to really make that connection. The former sometimes feels like glorified masturbation olympics with a dismount at the end. 

I agree with others that it takes two to RF. I accept it because RF is better than nothing I guess. Getting mad is not going to get you where you want to be. You need to take him to passion school and positively reinforce the good, redirect the bad. Let him have RF porn F***ing too, but take control and show him what you need. Get on top and control the pace. You need to kiss him like you want to be kissed, etc. You can talk about it till your blue in the face, but showing him will work better. If you get really excited while you show him, its going to help re-wire things. If you blow his mind the way he likes the next time for "cooperating", also going to reinforce the behavior. Look at some of the tantric positions that make rabbit thrusting nearly impossible but still stimulating. At least your partner is a willing participant in the bedroom. I've got to drag my partner to the bed to get the occasional mercy RF. At least you two are there. That's 90 percent of the battle!


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## Sugamonkeymunchkin (Apr 7, 2012)

I can totally relate to you Southern Wife. There is NO passion in my bed either. I think it's due to my husbands lack of partners. And I also think he has stress/mental issues. 
I'm sorry that you are going through this too. I know the post is from last year but I'm searching for help with my husbands' issues. I've done everything that you've tried, telling him etc and nothing is changing. I wish I had a cure all for this. But I really don't think I can go another 30+ years with this "sex" either! :-(


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Sugamonkeymunchkin said:


> I can totally relate to you Southern Wife. There is NO passion in my bed either. I think it's due to my husbands lack of partners. And I also think he has stress/mental issues.
> I'm sorry that you are going through this too. I know the post is from last year but I'm searching for help with my husbands' issues. I've done everything that you've tried, telling him etc and nothing is changing. I wish I had a cure all for this. But I really don't think I can go another 30+ years with this "sex" either! :-(


I've only been with two women, but I've never had a problem with passion. Even with the first woman I knew back in college.

Honestly I almost wonder if passion comes from within, like you're born passionate or not. I agree you might learn different ways to show passion over time, but passion at some point may just be innate to an individual.

I'd almost liken passion to humor. Some people are just naturally hilarious people, others couldn't deliver a joke or what's more come up with funny things to say on the fly to save their life.

I could be wrong though.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

SamIam77 said:


> What in the world is an RF?


Rabbit f*cking. Slam, bam, thank you m'am stuff.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

southern wife said:


> I've read alot on this forum, and it seems to me that most guys want "sex" from their wives. I don't blame you at all for that, as that's your way of bonding emotionally with your wife..........along with the stress release.
> 
> However, being a woman, I want "passion" in the sack. Unfortunately my Hubs does not really know what passion is. I feel that when we are intimate, it's just sex......that's what it feels like to me.
> 
> ...


I have no idea i think its a personality thing it can be learned but tell him to read up on the internet. Watch a romantic movie or something hopefully from movie or something he can get a better idea of passion/romance.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Our therapist said she was going to have us shower or bathe together so we could have some foreplay but not have intercourse. We haven't done that yet, and I'm not really looking forward to a session that doesn't end in %$#* but I'm willing to try anything to get that passion back. 

And by the way, I know exactly what you mean by getting entwined...I wish my wife did.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

What a strange world we live in. 

Sex without passion, intensity, love is not fullfilling to me. When my W simply wants to slide down and get me to the finish line - I VERY MUCH DISLIKE THAT. Luckily she rarely does that because on the rare occasion it happens I feel sad afterwards. 

I want/need foreplay. Not to get hard - she can get me hard very quickly just letting me touch her - I want/need foreplay because it makes me feel close. So in the morning if I give her that "look" and she says - we have 15 minutes - I say "tonight". When we have a nice LONG session, then I feel happy afterwards and close to her and connected to her for days. 

Really - I am innately far more emotional than my W. She is not a "cold bltch" - by any stretch. She volunteers at church and drives old people who cannot drive anymore. She is a kind and loving person. But watching a really sad movie - I have to restrain myself - she can tell from my breathing though. So I have a "low affect" switch I throw most of the time - because she likes me better that way. 





southern wife said:


> I've read alot on this forum, and it seems to me that most guys want "sex" from their wives. I don't blame you at all for that, as that's your way of bonding emotionally with your wife..........along with the stress release.
> 
> However, being a woman, I want "passion" in the sack. Unfortunately my Hubs does not really know what passion is. I feel that when we are intimate, it's just sex......that's what it feels like to me.
> 
> ...


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> What a strange world we live in.
> 
> Sex without passion, intensity, love is not fullfilling to me. When my W simply wants to slide down and get me to the finish line - I VERY MUCH DISLIKE THAT. Luckily she rarely does that because on the rare occasion it happens I feel sad afterwards.
> 
> ...


Dude, +1000


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