# Has he cheated?



## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

I have recently found out my husband of 13 years has been ringing an old school friend (female) for the past 18 months, well he said that is all he has done, spoke on the phone!
I checked his mobile phone bill after his behaviour changed, didn't seem interest in family life etc.
I confronted him and he said yes, she is an old school friend and I have been ringing her and her me, I didn't tell you cause you would put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5!
Since me confronting him, he has changed his mobile phone bill password so I can no longer see who he calls/texts. He also wont reveal her full name, doesn't add up to me, if she is a friend why keep her secret?

I have also rang her and she admitted they were ringing each other but that was all. I asked her did her husband know she had been ringing a married man and she said no. I said maybe I will tell him to which she screamed down the phone, there is no need for my husband to know, clearly how you wouldn't act if only friends.

I just don't know what to do now and have no one to talk to about the whole thing. What would others do in my situation.
Thanks.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Depends on whether you have the cajones to call their bluff on all this. If they're hiding things, it's because there's something to hide. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Buy a VAR and put in your husband's car. He is most likely calling her while he is in the car. After you gather the information you need to prove the affair, inform the OW's husband and confront your husband.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

What kind of phone does he use?


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

yes. Secret relationship = Emotional Affair (at least).

is she local?


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

He has a Samsung phone. She doesn't live too far away, but not sure where exactly.

I have said to him, why keep it a secret, he said it wasn't a secret, just didn't tell you, which in my eyes is secret.

I am angry the fact he is/was ringing another woman, last time he rang was May, he said he talked about the kids and me (likely story, I think), but it is the way he has changed his password and when I asked why he had changed it, his answers were 'why not' and 'cause I could'. 
I had a close male friend in the past, completely different to his, my male friend would visit our house when he was in, would phone and when my husband answered the phone would chat to him for awhile.
I think he has been having an affair which is now even, hence her screaming for me not to tell her husband.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well, you confronted too early, and now you can't access the account in order to determine whether or not he's still in contact w/ her. Having said that, how certain are you that he hasn't spoken w/ her since May? It's quite possible that they're still speaking w/ each other, and have taken their comms underground.

Do you have the user ID and password for his Google Play account? Other e-mail and social media passwords? Do you have physical access to his phone at all? Does it have a passcode on it that you don't know?


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

I know I have confronted too early, but nothing I can do now. I don't have any of his passwords to anything, all changed as of six years ago, when similar behaviour occurred. I want to try and keep things together, we have two children, house, finances to sort out, but I am finding it hard, cause I really just want to tell him to leave. He has lied on and off for years, why do I put up with it? I love him, but I need to be happy and I am not, guess I have answered my own question really.


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

I know password for his phone, I think, but would never get my hands on it, he has it on him at all times.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How familiar are you w/ the general operation of Android devices? What kind of phone do you use?


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

Not too familiar, I have a blackberry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

What would be his reaction if he walked in the door and you said "unlock your phone and hand it to me" would he oblige?


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

No, I said this to him, he has all my passwords, but I have none of his, he says why should he have to give them and feel interrogated!! Is that not suspicious in itself that he wont give passwords, he has something to hide to me.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

marypoppins said:


> ...I didn't tell you cause you would put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5!


You have a pretty definitive reason to assume that 2+2=5! What you are experiencing is the typical cheater behavior of denial and deflection...to convince you that you are the mental case and he is just an innocent party. "How dare you question my loyalty and stoop so low as to invade my privacy?!"


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

If you are unable to access any of his internet or phone history...many here would suggest getting a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) that you could clandestinely secure beneath a car seat with velcro tape...as many cheaters reserve that time to call affair partners.


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

I know, I just don't know what to do now?


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

He is a liar, he has done similar before and now this. I think it was clearly an affair which is now over, I wish he just would be honest and then we could try and move on, but it's the lies afterwards that are making me angry.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

marypoppins said:


> He is a liar, he has done similar before and now this. I think it was clearly an affair which is now over, I wish he just would be honest and then we could try and move on, but it's the lies afterwards that are making me angry.


It's not in his best interest to tell you the truth, in his mind. He's lied to you in the past, and you've let him sweep it under the rug. So it will probably work again. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I'd say there's about a 95% chance that he's in at least an EA w/ OW. Due to the soft confront and his reaction to it, I'd say that you should (a) assume that it's a full-on PA and (b) contact her husband. He may be able to answer some questions for you.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

If he has been chatting with her for 18 months and she's local and he changed the password to the wireless account and he won't give you access to his email and yells and screams that you are interrogating him and he has a history of this type of behavior and OW screamed at you to not tell her husband they are friends, then 2 + 2 does = 5.

Put a VAR in his car. Better yet, TELL the husband his wife is banging your husband and let the chips fall where they may. Your husband is clever in hiding everything, she may not be.

And yes, he's banging her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

marypoppins said:


> I have recently found out my husband of 13 years has been ringing an old school friend (female) for the past 18 months, well he said that is all he has done, spoke on the phone!
> I checked his mobile phone bill after his behaviour changed, didn't seem interest in family life etc.
> I confronted him and he said yes, she is an old school friend and I have been ringing her and her me, I didn't tell you cause you would put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5!
> Since me confronting him, he has changed his mobile phone bill password so I can no longer see who he calls/texts. He also wont reveal her full name, doesn't add up to me, if she is a friend why keep her secret?
> ...


They are cheating. Her husband should definitely know.

EA PA? Who cares, really?  They are a pair of cheaters.

www.cheaterville.com is a useful weapon.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Reading thru this and only people with nothing to hide are open. He is closed and it's an admission of guilt. That said, who knows what they have done.

So as he wI think the cheating spouse will only regret their decision if they lose something because of it. I don’t think the cheating spouse regrets cheating if the wife/husband decides to stay and work on the marriage. Because if they don’t divorce…. then what did they really lose? Nothing. Sure they created a problem and will have arguments, but in the end they win. They cheat and have fun… and as a result end up with a better marriage than they had before. For them it’s a win win situation, and for us betrayed spouses we suffer and lose everything. I’ve lost my sanity and my sense of security. I’ve lost everything I thought I had. My H lost nothing. I’m here the kids are here. What did he lose?

So as he refuses to be honest with you, you need to separate from him until he comes fully clean to your satisfaction. And, it is mandatory her husband be told they a relationship that neither will discuss.

It's up to your husband to nake a final choice. You or her.


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## marypoppins (Aug 26, 2014)

I rang mobile company and have managed to get some of his bills emailed to me. Even after me confronting him over two weeks ago, he has still be texting and ringing her. Again saying to me 'we are friends, I have not had an affair'. He just denies everything, so don't know what to do, feel like I am going mad and maybe they are just friends and nothing has gone on, but why hide it


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marypoppins said:


> I rang mobile company and have managed to get some of his bills emailed to me. Even after me confronting him over two weeks ago, he has still be texting and ringing her. Again saying to me 'we are friends, I have not had an affair'. He just denies everything, so don't know what to do, feel like I am going mad and maybe they are just friends and nothing has gone on, but why hide it


That's just it... if they truly were "just friends", there would be no need for him to hide it.

Tell you what, give her husband a call and see what he thinks about them being "just friends". Maybe advise that he investigate a bit prior to confronting. He might be able to get you all the proof that you need.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

So AT BEST he has put a friendship with this woman above you.

AT WORST they aren't friends.

I think you know where you stand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Tell him he has a choice: 100% transparency right now or divorce.

Here is the trick though; you actually have to mean it and be prepared to follow through or it will make the situation worse.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You can get a VAR and tape it up in the car. You can also add a key logger to the home computer.

Get the VAR put it in the car and then expose to the OW's husband what you know. 

Most cheaters use the car time to talk with the AP, you will get a great deal of information.


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