# If you never....



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

If you never found love again after your divorce, would you still be happy?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Of course. Because happiness isn't dependent on someone else. It's up to you to be happy.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I don't know. I don't think so. I really like sharing my life with someone. I want to wake up next to the person I love, hold hands walking down the street, cuddle on the couch, grab for each other in the middle of the night, laugh and talk,etc., etc. I want all that again just better, more honest, and faithful.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Of course. Because happiness isn't dependent on someone else. It's up to you to be happy.


What a terrific answer. Consider this thread closed.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I don't know.

Maybe not.

And, I'd have to learn how to live (survive) ok with that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

canguy66 said:


> What a terrific answer. Consider this thread closed.


Why, thank you. ::Curtsies::


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

Happy.... Yes. Fulfilled..... No.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

DailyGrind said:


> Happy.... Yes. Fulfilled..... No.


an important distinction. i suppose its different for everyone, but i may be in the same group as Cantmove


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I know that if I'm ever going to find love again, I have to love myself first. For me I will learn how to make myself happy, but I think if I didn't find another person again I wouldn't feel completely ok with it. Like cantmove said, I want to cuddle, hold hands, do all those things again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Somewhere along the way, I stopped loving myself. A happy marriage didn't make me happy. 

And, it affected how I acted/reacted in the marriage.

I thought by putting others before me, I would be happy. But, it starts within.

I'm reading no more mr. nice guy, so that may seem familiar to some.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> If you never found love again after your divorce, would you still be happy?


The thought of never finding love again terrifies me. It's also the reason I have put up with so much from my STBXH.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

yep. 

Love is all around,though.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> I know that if I'm ever going to find love again, I have to love myself first. For me I will learn how to make myself happy, but I think if I didn't find another person again I wouldn't feel completely ok with it. Like cantmove said, I want to cuddle, hold hands, do all those things again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Not thinking positive you are. Hope for future you must have. Put positive spin on everything you must. *Do or do not. There is no try.*_










Ok, I've had my geek moment here. Proud, you will get to that point with someone again. Deep down, you know you'll be ok. A positive attitude radiates outward, and attracts others. You've made progress in the past weeks, remember that!


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I would be. If there's one thing I've learned is I MUST be happy independently of whether I'm with someone or not. In the event I never find love again, I would be thankful that at least I feel I experienced what love was when I fell in love with STBXW and also I would thank God for giving me my son who I love and loves me. Plus a wonderful family.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

jpr said:


> yep.
> 
> Love is all around,though.


You're gonna make it after all. (Mary Tyler Moore theme)


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

DailyGrind said:


> Happy.... Yes. Fulfilled..... No.


Yep, this is the distinction for me too. Sure, I will learn to deal but I cannot imagine not loving a woman. Coming home to her. Sharing my life with her. Caring for her. This really makes me miss my stbxw.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

You know what... I have NO DOUBT that I will fall in love again(I hope it is reciprocated) but I have no doubt it will happen! I fall easy and land hard... I love ....love and I know that it will find me again. Will I think it's soul mates... no. But I no longer believe in that kind of stuff. I do believe that I can find a friend I can love, like, trust, believe in, and have great sex in while respecting the entire time.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

canguy66 said:


> _Not thinking positive you are. Hope for future you must have. Put positive spin on everything you must. *Do or do not. There is no try.*_
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Awesome!!!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

proudwidaddy said:


> If you never found love again after your divorce, would you still be happy?


Do you have kids? I still find a lot of happiness (most days) in being a parent.

I think I could be happy either way. But I have some work to do on myself first...


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## jtut21 (Mar 21, 2012)

Happiness is a choice and therefore should never be contingent upon our circumstances. It may be difficult for a period to decide to be happy but it is up to each of us individually and I think that I would be happy regardless. 

Thanks,

Josh


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

I am only one month into separation after a 17 year marriage that she chose to end and she is already on dating sites. Me, I am so far away from that point! Whilst deep down I am sad, angry and still in shock there is a small part of me that is looking forward to being single but I am not sure how long it will be before I want to love another woman.

I think I read somewhere that if you are left feeling broken after a divorce, you should wait approximately 1 month for every year of marriage...16 months to go for me then.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I think that it's easier to be happy without love.

Companionship and consensual fun seem more desirable to me, but I don't think I have it in me to ever commit to anyone else again or give myself over to love again. Once was enough. It's not worth the risk.

I discovered, while briefly married, that I do want a kid. I'll probably opt for IVF single-parenting by choice or else adoption when I get my life back together.

So much easier to be happy when you don't have to worry about someone else who you probably can't trust anyway!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Mothra777 said:


> I am only one month into separation after a 17 year marriage that she chose to end and she is already on dating sites. Me, I am so far away from that point! Whilst deep down I am sad, angry and still in shock there is a small part of me that is looking forward to being single but I am not sure how long it will be before I want to love another woman.
> 
> I think I read somewhere that if you are left feeling broken after a divorce, you should wait approximately 1 month for every year of marriage...16 months to go for me then.


Sounds like she may have been done for a while. My ex was done for a year before the separation, which may be why she was able to put on a happy face right after she left. Whether she's happy or has yet to deal with things, who knows. The ease with she severed everything we had was crushing to say the least, but does tell me how much our marriage and I meant to her. When the going got tough, that was one of my "anchor points". Note the past tense.

I know about feeling broken. We have so many pieces to put back together after our lives have been shattered this way. The great thing is that as we heal and get stronger, we do emerge as better people, eventually.

A divorce busting video I saw warned the wayward wives that their men were changing, reading self-help books, discussing their feelings, etc., and essentially were in training to become better partners, boyfriends, husbands to the future women in their lives. It's all about growth.

I have let go of resentment and am open to possibilities. A Zen moment.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I definitely can be happy either way. I am my own best friend. If you can't enjoy and be happy with yourself alone, how in the hell could you make someone else happy?


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I have no doubt I'll find love when I really put myself out there. I've learned so much about myself and relationships from my DB efforts, and I am a much better person because of it. It's just a matter of self confidence and being able to trust another woman enough to let her get close enough to me again.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

It's a good question, I want to say "yes", but I'm with those who say they want someone to love. I want someone who can love and cherish me, I didn't really feel that way in my marriage. I want to fall in love again, not now though.

And I really don't want to be alone with all my cats and guinea pigs....


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> If you never found love again after your divorce, would you still be happy?


Isn't love what hurting you right now?
You are unhappy because of love.

If you find love again, you will be hurt again and you will be unhappy.
It's better to not love at all.

You'll be happier if you never find love again.

Why keep looking for source of unhappiness? Instead, be content with what you have and who you are.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I kind of understand what you mean but I think is not a posivite attitude to have scione. Don't let this experience damage you for life. Love is a beautiful thing and is REAL. I will be looking for that special girl but gear myself to be happy if I don't find her.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

Lifescript said:


> I kind of understand what you mean but I think is not a posivite attitude to have scione. Don't let this experience damage you for life. Love is a beautiful thing and is REAL. I will be looking for that special girl but gear myself to be happy if I don't find her.


I'm just following the Physics. What goes up must come down. If you find happiness, then there will always be sadness that comes with it. If you are not happy, then you will never be sad and you will never have pain. I'm not saying that everyone should follow this. You should find that special girl that you are looking for. You should not discard love, just because I'm doing it.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I won't discard love scione. Wast just trying to cheer you on to the same. But it's your choice. Whateve makes you happy.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

scione said:


> Isn't love what hurting you right now?
> You are unhappy because of love.
> 
> If you find love again, you will be hurt again and you will be unhappy.
> ...



lol. Well I guess I will be the one who bites on this, because it is simply flawed logic.

If we go outside there is a chance that I can be hurt or killed so it is better to never leave the house?

If I eat, there is a chance I can choke, so it is better not to eat?

If I have a child, there is a chance the baby will die before me and cause me pain, so I shouldn't have a child?

Living in fear of pain and hurt is not living and holding yourself back from growth. 

It is far be it better to love, with the moments of pure love and happiness that one experiences during the relationship. The high, the protection, the hope. It is the fall from this high that hurts so so much, but you have to have heartache and sadness and pain in order to strive to get what you really want out of life. These feelings, like it or not, are necessities. 

If we didn't have lows, there would be no highs.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> If you never found love again after your divorce, would you still be happy?


yes. because i won't be able to find real love without being happy first 
and if i don't, i still will be, because i'm finding out the words to that song 'greatest love of all' are true!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> If you never found love again after your divorce, would you still be happy?


Yes. I would be happy because being happy is a choice, a choice you make every day. 

Lonliness, anger, jealousy, frustration, are all fleeting and temporary emotions, one's that we often don't have control over. 

Happiness is a state of mind.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

_"Free your mind and your ass will follow.."_

-George Clinton


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> _"Free your mind and your ass will follow.."_
> 
> -George Clinton


Love that quote. Love Funkadelic too.


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