# WH wants to have a baby.



## Lost Lady (Dec 25, 2015)

So I talked to my deployed WH today. Our conversation turned to the subject of birth control which eventually led to the subject of having a baby together. 

I have two young children from a previous marriage. Their bio father is not a bad man but has minimal interest in them. My H has sincerely become their dad in all the important ways. He loves them very much and they love him.

In the days and weeks following DDay (where I discovered my deployed husband had been involved in an EA with a fellow deployed female officer) my H commented to me about how terrible it would be to lose the kids if we ended up divorcing (because I am the only one with custody of the children).

Before the EA, whenever the subject of having a child together would come up, my H was receptive to the idea but told me that he would not mind if we never had a bio child together because he "already had kids" - meaning my two bio children.

Fast forward to the present and now my WH is telling me that he just recently decided that he definitely wants to have a baby with me. He won't give me specifics on why the change of heart. He says that he "just decided."

I personally think the desire to put a baby in my belly has everything to do with a desire to keep me from ever leaving. Staking his claim, if you will. I don't think he fully acknowledges that as the reason though, because he is not super in touch with his feelings.

However, I find it incredibly primal and sexy. I have no plans to allow myself to become pregnant before our problems are fully resolved. I find it ridiculously tempting though.

Someone talk some sense into me!

This is also a very strange feeling for me because, in between feeling the strongest urge to let WH impregnate me, I feel terrible anger over his EA and want to cut him to the core with my words.

Any words of wisdom or bits of advice are welcome right now!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Your instincts are correct. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT, let this man impregnate you!

This is complete manipulation BS on his part, all due to guilt because he couldn't keep his junk in his pants with regards to the female officer he is deployed with.

There's nothing "primal or sexy" about being a single mom with a THIRD near-fatherless child. Which is how this will likely end up.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Your instincts are correct. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT, let this man impregnate you!
> 
> This is complete manipulation BS on his part, all due to guilt because he couldn't keep his junk in his pants with regards to the female officer he is deployed with.
> 
> ...


agreed. Although this was an EA. In theory, he did keep his junk to himself. I'd be making him get tested for STD's upon his return home as well, just in case.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

sixty-eight said:


> Although this was an EA. In theory, he did keep his junk to himself.


Not so sure I'm buying his version of the story. Overseas? Both people away from their spouses?

No h*ll, no way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

LL I am a male and have to admit I have done some pretty awful things in the past to women ( I was in my 20's)

IMHO based on what I did:

EA=PA (it has probably already happened multiple times) and he feels guilty, for now.

Yes it is sexy when a H and W come together and the H say I want you to have my baby, but in this case DO NOT let him near you unless you have FULL disclosure on EA, drug test, STD test, phone records, emails, etc.

HE CHEATED! TRUST BUT VERIFY! 

Yes he is STAKING his claim so he can cake eat! DONT LET HIM

Every time he mentions impregnating you, think about him with the OW and how he probably told her the same things he told you when you met!

Listen I know a thing or two about deployed spouses, mine was and I am sure there was a EA or PA that happened. DONT TRUST IT!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

No way under these circumstances.

I would keep in contact with OW's husband and compare notes.

You may find out more. When are they do back in country?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Maybe the idea of having a child with you came up in chats with his EA/OW?

And yes, crazy stuff like that can happen. Especially if OW was trying to distance herself from him and raising the idea of him fathering a child with you was a way to stop him taking the EA further than she was willing to take it?


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## Lost Lady (Dec 25, 2015)

I just feel the need to let everyone know that I am not a woman that casually procreates with whatever man I have present. My ex husband/bio father of my children truly does not want to be involved in their day-to-day life. However, he is not some drugged-out, unemployed POS. He is actually a very attractive, charming man with a good job. He is also a serial cheater with narcissistic tendencies. Most people that know him would be surprised to know that he doesn't give much time or thought to the children he fathered. As for myself, I am college-educated and most definitely not a baby-making welfare queen. Perhaps I did not give anyone that impression but certain comments have made me a bit defensive. 

As for my current H, I feel very confident that his EA remained an EA and not a PA, nor an EA with deep emotional connections. I did a significant amount of investigation into the matter and have had open communication with OWH. Nothing that I nor OWH found indicated anything to the contrary. Plus, I very much trust my intuition and my intuition tells me that I caught the EA before it became truly serious or unforgivable. However, that does not mean that I am willing to sweep the matter under the rug nor that it does not hurt me deeply. I just want everyone to know where I stand with what I know and what I have discovered.


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## Lost Lady (Dec 25, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> No way under these circumstances.
> 
> I would keep in contact with OW's husband and compare notes.
> 
> You may find out more. When are they do back in country?


I have kept in contact with OWH. From what I know, my H and OW have no contact (they cannot avoid never unintentionally coming into contact with the other person due to their deployed status. However, their respective positions do not require them to interact with one another). 

From what I have been told by OWH, he and OW are doing well in their R. Also, my H has opened up to me and begun to communicate with me in a way that I cannot imagine him doing if he was still involved in the EA. 

My H will be home from his deployment in five months time. So we definitely have a ways to go.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Your exposure on this was perfect. Some are affraid or too weak. It's the only true weapon you have in a circumstance like this except for just filing immediately. Which can be effective. Just because you file doesn't mean you have to go through with it if the dynamics change. It's a shock much like throwing cold water on mating dogs. Hahahahaha!!!!!!

The good thing is it gets two sets of eyes on them. Plus shared info if you are wanting to save the marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lost Lady said:


> *I just feel the need to let everyone know that I am not a woman that casually procreates with whatever man I have present*. My ex husband/bio father of my children truly does not want to be involved in their day-to-day life. However, he is not some drugged-out, unemployed POS. He is actually a very attractive, charming man with a good job. He is also a serial cheater with narcissistic tendencies. Most people that know him would be surprised to know that he doesn't give much time or thought to the children he fathered. As for myself, I am college-educated and most definitely not a baby-making welfare queen. Perhaps I did not give anyone that impression but certain comments have made me a bit defensive.
> 
> As for my current H, I feel very confident that his EA remained an EA and not a PA, nor an EA with deep emotional connections. I did a significant amount of investigation into the matter and have had open communication with OWH. Nothing that I nor OWH found indicated anything to the contrary. Plus, I very much trust my intuition and my intuition tells me that I caught the EA before it became truly serious or unforgivable. However, that does not mean that I am willing to sweep the matter under the rug nor that it does not hurt me deeply. I just want everyone to know where I stand with what I know and what I have discovered.


I had already assumed that.


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## Lost Lady (Dec 25, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> Your exposure on this was perfect. Some are affraid or too weak. It's the only true weapon you have in a circumstance like this except for just filing immediately. Which can be effective. Just because you file doesn't mean you have to go through with it if the dynamics change. It's a shock much like throwing cold water on mating dogs. Hahahahaha!!!!!!
> 
> The good thing is it gets two sets of eyes on them. Plus shared info if you are wanting to save the marriage.


Thank you! I have never been in this position before (my ex H was a serial cheater but his encounters were always one night stands). My decision to expose the EA to OWH was purely intuition - I just had a feeling that I needed to do so, without fully knowing why. I suppose that I now know the reason behind doing so.


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## Lost Lady (Dec 25, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> I had already assumed that.


Thank you. That makes me feel much less defensive


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

From your actions you should change your name. 

In Your Face Lady?????


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## Lost Lady (Dec 25, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> From your actions you should change your name.
> 
> In Your Face Lady?????


I love it! It makes me seem much more confident than I feel right now! I suppose one thing I have going for me in this situation is that I have never been good at just shutting my mouth when I feel violated or pushed around.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Don't have another child with your husband. Don't get trapped in this environment. The OW and your husband are deployed in the same unit. There might be more story to their relationship than what you know. Your husband is manipulating you in his own way.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It's not crazy to find it primal and attractive when the man you love says he wants you to have his baby.

It's dangerous for you, though, because it's an easy way for him to get you to bond with him emotionally after he has betrayed you. I think you have to be super careful with the whole EA thing. You and the OWH are relieved that you 'caught it in time,' but the two of them are over there together and they have been developing a relationship. That doesn't disappear overnight just because you busted them.

In my opinion, you should stay firm and let him know that you are far from confident about your M. I think his wanting to have a baby is a desperate attempt to reel you back in and to reassure himself that he hasn't lost you.

It's far too early to reassure him, however. She's still there and you are not. You need to keep letting him see what he stands to lose. It's not unkind to do that. It's reality.


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