# Feeling Lost



## Queenbee79 (Feb 14, 2018)

I’ve been with my husband for 9 years. Last year in August he told me he didn’t want me anymore. During September he told me he cheated on me. I tried to make things work for our children. I thought things were going alright then at the beginning of the year he wasn’t acting right. He was more distant than ever. He would stay out at a local bar for 2pm to 2am almost everyday. He ignored my children and I. Then about a month ago he said he was done with us. He needs to be alone. I’m just so lost. I love my husband even though he did this to me and our family. He won’t even look at me. He is the one who messed up I did nothing but stay true to him. I just need a place to vent because it seems like all the people that I thought were my friends have turned their back on me in the time I need them the most. These “friends” were like family to me. Now they are no where to be found.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Queenbee79 said:


> I’ve been with my husband for 9 years. Last year in August he told me he didn’t want me anymore. During September he told me he cheated on me. I tried to make things work for our children. I thought things were going alright then at the beginning of the year he wasn’t acting right. He was more distant than ever. He would stay out at a local bar for 2pm to 2am almost everyday. He ignored my children and I. Then about a month ago he said he was done with us. He needs to be alone. I’m just so lost. I love my husband even though he did this to me and our family. He won’t even look at me. He is the one who messed up I did nothing but stay true to him. I just need a place to vent because it seems like all the people that I thought were my friends have turned their back on me in the time I need them the most. These “friends” were like family to me. Now they are no where to be found.


Ok, before we dig into this, can you tell me who these friends are in relation to you and why you think they would do this? Are they friends of his as well?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

WHen he says he "needs to be alone", what he really means is he needs to be with his affair partner. When he's out until 2 am, he's likely with another woman.

You are feeling insecure, ashamed, betrayed, have no confidence you can find someone else, and fear being alone and not having anyone to help you. You are afraid.

Guess what? We all have been there and made it through it, and you will too. Divorce this terrible man and move forward. Accept that your marriage has been murdered by this man and that there's nothing you can do about it, because there isn't. Things will never be the same and once a person falls out of love, they likely never will fall back in love. It's more likely with a man, but not a sure thing.

He's not worth your time. Just go talk to a lawyer and move forward. What has pining for him and pleading with him gotten you?

Getting a lawyer and giving him some actual consequences for his actions is the smart thing to do. Move forward. you can do better.


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## Queenbee79 (Feb 14, 2018)

I’m talking to a lawyer next week. That’s the only time she has available. I know I need to move on but it just hurts. He is just so ready to throw us away it’s unbelievable in my eyes. 


These so called friends are mutual friends of ours. I thought they were my best friends. I’m mean we called each other brother and sisters, but now I see where their loyalty is. We own a bar together and I guess since I’m not allowed at the bar they just wanna be there with him. Even though he isn’t there all the time the way I was. I guess since I’m not there to give them free stuff (which would be a couple of shots) they don’t need me anymore.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Queenbee79 said:


> I’m talking to a lawyer next week. That’s the only time she has available. I know I need to move on but it just hurts. He is just so ready to throw us away it’s unbelievable in my eyes.
> 
> 
> These so called friends are mutual friends of ours. I thought they were my best friends. I’m mean we called each other brother and sisters, but now I see where their loyalty is. We own a bar together and I guess since I’m not allowed at the bar they just wanna be there with him. Even though he isn’t there all the time the way I was. I guess since I’m not there to give them free stuff (which would be a couple of shots) they don’t need me anymore.


Ok, thanks for the clarification. First steps are building up your foundation and support system in addition to getting legal help.

- Blood relatives
- Your own true friends
- Getting into counseling 
- And posting here

This sounds like a man, if you can call him that now that has definitely put his own needs and wants ahead of his family's and left you in the dust. There's really nothing you can do to woo him back or play the pick me game. That won't work. You need to force the issue, which would be giving him consequences by serving him and then basically stopping all non-children related conversations and taking care of yourself. Either he will realize what he is losing (I doubt it) or this will get you moving on the path you need to be on, away from this self serving cheater who must think he is reliving his bachelor days or something with his loyal bar friends that would be gone in an instant once the drinks were gone.

You deserve better, much better and we just aren't saying that. I'm sure there's things that you wonder what you could have done better but there's nothing you could have done to stop the selfishness, that's brought on independently.


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## Queenbee79 (Feb 14, 2018)

Thank you for your support. I will be back on here that for sure. It’s some kind of outlet for me. I have been talking with my parents and my brothers. They are all in shock as we all are. But you’re right I need to just move forward and let this pos see what he has lost. He is out there tonight with us girlfriend I’m sure of it. But oh well I’m home with my kids where I belong. Once again thank you for your words of advice!!


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Queenbee79 said:


> Thank you for your support. I will be back on here that for sure. It’s some kind of outlet for me. I have been talking with my parents and my brothers. They are all in shock as we all are. But you’re right I need to just move forward and let this pos see what he has lost. He is out there tonight with us girlfriend I’m sure of it. But oh well I’m home with my kids where I belong. Once again thank you for your words of advice!!


Find out if posOW is married.

Expose the affair and blow it out of the water.


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## Queenbee79 (Feb 14, 2018)

Trust me I’m gonna find out for sure..... I have eyes everywhere. It’ll all come out one day I’m just sitting back waiting. I think I have an idea of who she is but I can’t prove it. And from what I’ve found out about her is that she’s trash. Arrested for possession of controlled substances, she stabbed someone at a local bar “allegedly”, and just all around no good. If that’s what he wants so be it.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Queenbee79 said:


> she’s trash. Arrested for possession of controlled substances, she stabbed someone at a local bar “allegedly”, and just all around no good


The saying is that "They always affair "down."" Only low hanging fruit chooses to sneak around with a married person.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Queenbee79 said:


> Trust me I’m gonna find out for sure..... I have eyes everywhere. It’ll all come out one day I’m just sitting back waiting. I think I have an idea of who she is but I can’t prove it. And from what I’ve found out about her is that she’s trash. Arrested for possession of controlled substances, she stabbed someone at a local bar “allegedly”, and just all around no good. If that’s what he wants so be it.


Wallpaper the county with it.

Won't seem near as much fun... kind of like a bucket of ice water on Mr. Happy.


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