# Please HELP!! Do I go back??



## Shortie (Jan 24, 2011)

Hey guys,

I've read this forum for a month or so desperate to find help and now I've decided to bite the bullet and ask for advice.

My ex and I seperated 3.5 years ago. Divorced one year ago. We remained friends. Neither have been involved with anyone else. I chose to leave the marriage as I was unhappy. I thought once I left I would magically be happy (dumb I know) I realised I blamed him for alot of my own problems. Even though he too contributed. Ex and I got along like great friends, I felt the marriage lacked "passion" and thought he was too emotionally smoothering.

I moved interstate and for the past 3.5 years I found reasons to go back and then found reasons not too. Its been a vicious cycle inside my own head. A year ago my ex was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We have no idea how long he has to live.

I cannot help but feel deep sadness, compassion and love for him. I now more than ever wonder if I should go back. Part of me really wants to, the other part of me cant bear to watch him die. I'm so stuck. My family and friends dont want me to go back. They dont want me to move away from them and return interstate and dont think its best for our child. However it plays on my mind daily that its the right thing to do. 

I am seeing a therapist but I just cant seem to settle on what is best. Please any advice/help more than appreciated!!

Thanks.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Shortie said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> I've read this forum for a month or so desperate to find help and now I've decided to bite the bullet and ask for advice.
> 
> ...


Accompany him for the last phrase of his life as a great friend.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Hi Shorty, Heres what I dont get, your family dont want you to go back well who are they to interfare with your happiness, this gets to me, families should be there to support you no matter what decission you make, of couse if he beat you I would say dont, but so many family members always jump to this, mine as well, I mean I have 6 siblings and they all have something about there marriage I wouldnt put up with either but I would never tell them to leave, thats there choice to stay, my sister is an example, she sleeps with a married guy but if i tell her things my stbx is doing she gets so pissed saying how much she hates him yet she is sleeping with a married guy and its ok, my other sister hates her step kids and I would dump her if i was her husband but she would also say dont go back with my stbx. i wouldnt listen to any of them if I wanted to go back. everyone has problems and I am sure if anyy of your family members were going through this they would want support. Its what your feeling, that is why so many marriages dont get fixed cause people are afraid of what others will think. like mine i am not even sure I would take him back if he wanted to come back, i would have in the beginning, but his family is so into his business that he would be afraid to say he wanted to come back. dont let family or friends, pride or ego stop you from being happy. 


And its not good for your child, sure its great for your child to see that his parents are back especially because your ex is sick, now your child will know what love and compasion is. I say go home and at least for whatever time you have left with him be happy. no regrets.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

If nothing else, I think you should move back near him so your child can get some quality time with Dad before he passes. But if you want to get back with him, that's up to you, not your family and friends. If you do that, I would just tell them that they do not have to approve of or like your decision, but they do need to be supportive by keeping those opinions to themselves.


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## Shortie (Jan 24, 2011)

Thanks so much for the replies I really appreciate it.

I have wanted to move closer to him and of course people kept saying keeping my child at a distance would allow a haven at my home away from the confrontation of his fathers death. (My son sees his father every month) I saught out therapy to help make a decision that was best for me and my child and to get unbiased feedback of sorts.

I do have to make a final decision and everyone else will just have to accept it or get out of my life. I feel if I dont go back I will regret it for the rest of my life so maybe I already have made a decision.

Thanks guys!


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