# Badsanta's Five Love Languages?



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

We all have our love languages. Some of which are a variation upon or differ completely from the standard five:

• Gifts
• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch (intimacy)

Mine are:

• Making each other laugh
• Being overconfident for each other
• Passing each others shît tests
• Playful but necessary criticism 
• Physical touch of hugs and novelty 

If my love languages were the official ones, which one(s) would be the most important to you in your relationship? 

The purpose of this thread is to make everybody stop and think about love languages, and how everyone is different. I'm also curious to know how languages may vary in other relationships if anyone would wish to share?

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Broke off my engagement, but in a relatively new relationship now and I'd say with him it'd be:

* Good listeners to each other
* Fun, don't take life too seriously
* Say uplifting comments to one another/compliments
* Affection, hugs, kisses, etc
* Do little favors for each other without asking, kind of like we pick up on something each other needs, and surprise the other with doing it


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

For me its quality time, words of affirmation and acts of service. Lately, being deprived of intimacy.. I’m desiring touch. My biggest complaints are that we don’t have enough fun together. Not enough laughter. Not enough special moments. We have become more like robots – work – home – take care of house and kids – bed – repeat! I miss feeling like a couple and not just co-partners and co-parents. I want to feel like he is my rock. That he has my back through anything. I want him to support my hopes and dreams even if they are silly and doomed to fail. I am an optimistic person while he is pessimistic. 

For my husband, he needs words of affirmation and physical touch (well it used to be touch.. I’m not sure what he needs now maybe more compassion and understanding towards his current situation/struggle)


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

firefairy said:


> *I want him to support my hopes and dreams even if they are silly and doomed to fail.* I am an optimistic person while he is pessimistic.


This is a good point AND also something I struggle with in my marriage. My wife gets these ideas and I too find myself debating them with her and being the realistic one that has to illustrate liabilities and complications. She on the other hand accuses me of being unsupportive and pessimistic. ...anyway THIS is the exact type of problem that spills over into the bedroom and breeds a great deal of frustration in a relationship. And I am generally a fun, lucky go happy guy.

*In my opinion, a pessimistic spouse is being critical because they love you, care about you, and doesn't want to see you get hurt. *

I used to be a salesman, and I have sold to small businesses that are here today and gone tomorrow. The earmark of a bad business plan is a passionate idea that allows someone to demonstrate their talents but there is no existing demand for the business idea. The earmark of a good business is an area where existing demand has no one to service and supply it until someone talented enough figures out how to solve this need. 

So imagine I had this idea to build underground bunkers by salvaging derelict sailboats after a hurricane hits, overhauling them to be buried underground and selling them as readymade bunkers. I get this idea from watching zombie shows on TV all day. OK, I've got about $20K extra in savings and I want to go give this a try, will you be supportive or does this sound like a bad idea that you know I'll just drag a used sailboat into the backyard, sit on it and get drunk with my brother while we talk about zombies, and let it sit there as an eyesore for ten years in the neighborhood, and eventually have to pay someone to haul it off to the dump for me?


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

I realize that sometimes he is being the ‘responsible one.’ He finds all the possible disadvantages and consequences of failed quest. While it’s happening though, it feels like he is raining on my parade and/or that he doesn’t believe in me. I’m one to think, I rather try and fail then never try at all. Big things don’t happen to people who play it safe all the time. You need to take risk sometimes. 

“So imagine I had this idea to build underground bunkers by salvaging derelict sailboats after a hurricane hits, overhauling them to be buried underground and selling them as readymade bunkers. I get this idea from watching zombie shows on TV all day. OK, I've got about $20K extra in savings and I want to go give this a try, will you be supportive or does this sound like a bad idea that you know I'll just drag a used sailboat into the backyard, sit on it and get drunk with my brother while we talk about zombies, and let it sit there as an eyesore for ten years in the neighborhood, and eventually have to pay someone to haul it off to the dump for me?”

Touché. Messaged Received! HAHA! That is very true.. and something my husband would do.. Not the great idea and investment, because he likes to play is safe.. But the part about letting it sit eye sore for years and eventually having to pay someone to remove the trash!


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

My five are:

Affection
Good Communication
Laughter & Joking
Enjoying sporting events (working together as a team)
Paying Compliments & saying please and thanks to each other

Gifts are an added bonus, but not necessary all the time. 



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Laughter is #1 for me. Any man that can make me laugh so much I'm in pain or fear of wetting my pants is going to get banged till their brain hurts.

MrH is sleeping that off right now >


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> Laughter is #1 for me. Any man that can make me laugh so much I'm in pain or fear of wetting my pants is going to get banged till their brain hurts.
> 
> MrH is sleeping that off right now >


I completely agree and also see my wife responds similar when we have a good time and make each other laugh. 

If you look at the original 5 languages: Quality time ≠ Fun and Laughter.

For example quality time for most adults means sitting and being patient as we talk through all our problems in life and helping work out how to address and solve these issues. If I were to say, screw all that, let's drink beer, cut up and have a good time, most women would say, "no, I really need some quality time with you" and feel unloved. But yet once we find a way to make each other smile and laugh, that is when the panties go flying into the ceiling fan!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Let me take a stab at this...

*1.* *TOUCH , touch & more TOUCH* (this includes lots of







).... I like to flirt, grab his butt.. I love when he reaches for my hand, when watching movies, his fingers are through my hair.. he could sleep with me all wrapped up in him.. I can't sleep like this.. but when we're awake.. I love the physical affection...He is the same.

*2.* *Bantering with each other*... this is often our form of humor...we play off of each other... I have more of a temper over him (he's so laid back!)... he may make fun of me.. he does it in playful teasing way - to incite a RISE out of me.....I love this.. it gets me in his arms many times even..

*3.* *Spending time together.. making memories*... whether it be Just him & I.. or hanging out with the kids, doing things with them...I love to look back..but also to anticipate what is to come... I take many pictures along the way.. months ago , I made a 100 page "Story of us".. Shutterfly book...all our years together... with stories attached..

*4.* *Communication*...we have plenty of







to







's with each other... we bounce most everything, from the serious to the juicy to the antics at work, to our plans / projects, whatever... off of each other... I refer to it as a "Willing transparency".. we've never had secrets... this is very precious to us...it heightens the intimacy so I feel... much enjoy the deep conversations.. even after all these yrs.. there are still new things we can learn of each other.. 

*5.* *Our Romance*... so much is wrapped up in the 1st 4... these are our dynamics at play...also we're both "old time romantics" at heart..

I don't mean this as in his surprising me with flowers or buying me gifts (never cared much about those things)... but in a spiritual sensitive sense.. we always see the silver lining in what we share, like it seems we were meant to be.....We can be "mushy" on occasion....lots of "I love you's" ... He's always called me his soulmate.. things like this.. it means a lot to us both...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Santa,

Strikes agains with yet another topical goldmine.

1. Playfullness (sharing our happiness)
2. Reassurance (providing comfort in an ALL ABOUT YOU mode)
3. Non sexual touch (hugs, back scratches, massages, lying in a tangle)
4. Sexual touch 
5. Synchronization - I could write a book about this topic alone





badsanta said:


> We all have our love languages. Some of which are a variation upon or differ completely from the standard five:
> 
> • Gifts
> • Quality Time
> ...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

1 - intelligent conversation
2 - romantic touching 
3 - shared experiences we both remember
4 - surprise gifts that have meaning for each other
5 - mutual understanding without talking


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

So I rent this car for us - from Fox rental - great price - $31/day all in for a Camry.

It's off airport - no big deal - though their shuttle bus runs every 25 minutes instead of the every 10 minute frequency they claim. 

Then the line at their office is another 40 minutes. 

Gives me time to realize - they are rated 1.9 out of 5 stars in the huge number of reviews on travelocity. 

I apologize to M2 for not doing ANY quality research before choosing them. She's an angel about the whole thing. 

Swear to God first thing the rental agent says to us is: you're late 

Neutral tone of voice - but still - she says: your late, I will have to re price your contract. I'm - speechless. M2 says real calm: We got in line for your bus at 6:00 PM - waited 20 minutes - ten to get here - we've been in line 40 minutes now. 

At the time it was 7:10 pm. Agent claimed that the cut point was 7 pm. Anyway agent does some stuff on her system says: they will honor the price.

Like she's doing us a favor. FYI: I reserved the car for 4 pm. Who knew that a place with a huge parking lot full of available cars - would try to cancel the reservation a mere 3 hours later. 

I say a quick firm NO to every single add on. Including the plate pass, which they want to 'rent' you for $10/day.

M2 says: Babe, we need a toll tag for the second half of this trip. I say - yep - that 40 minutes in line is gonna save us 80 bucks. Trust me. She says - ok. 

Walking to the car she says: I know the plate pass was a ripoff AND the whole 'you're late thing' was over the top. But....

I smile and say: Sunpass. They sell them at cvs for $5. Then I ask her, what do you estimate our tolls are gonna be on this whole trip? So now it's on. This is a thing we do - competitive forecasting. 

M2 tilts her head, says: $12. 

I smile and say - the outcome of this contest is now pre-determined. It's a tie. 

She says: That was your number as well.
I nod. And smile. 

We pick up the Sunpass at a cvs - for $5 - actual tolls were $10. Total cost $15, instead of the $100 for plate pass (which actually includes the cost of tolls). 

Total savings: $85
Cost efficiency: 15% of the alternative - 7 times cheaper

Why I rate M2 an exceptional companion:

1. She's good at conflict. The thing about us being late - she handled that perfect.
2. Is an excellent game player - and estimator - on the toll forecast.
3. Gave me no grief about the poor choice of rental company
4. Trusted me on the veto of plate pass
5. Celebrated with me - when we ultimately saved 85% on the toll tag





badsanta said:


> I completely agree and also see my wife responds similar when we have a good time and make each other laugh.
> 
> If you look at the original 5 languages: Quality time ≠ Fun and Laughter.
> 
> For example quality time for most adults means sitting and being patient as we talk through all our problems in life and helping work out how to address and solve these issues. If I were to say, screw all that, let's drink beer, cut up and have a good time, most women would say, "no, I really need some quality time with you" and feel unloved. But yet once we find a way to make each other smile and laugh, that is when the panties go flying into the ceiling fan!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

When I saw the title I thought:

1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Sex
5. More sex.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Santa,
> 
> Strikes agains with yet another topical goldmine.
> 
> ...


*Synchronization*. Do you mean those moments when the two of you fit each other like a glove? An example being you send your spouse off to get groceries but forget to write down on the list that is the one thing nice for yourself that you really wanted. When you spouse comes home he/she knew to go ahead and get it for you without you even having to ask. 

I'm curious as to what you are referring to if it is something different?

Badsanta


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Synchronization 

Yes - the example you gave plus...

The telepath - Emopath - stuff. Finishing each other's sentences - looking at a half dozen lamps - and picking the same 'best' one, time after time. 







badsanta said:


> *Synchronization*. Do you mean those moments when the two of you fit each other like a glove? An example being you send your spouse off to get groceries but forget to write down on the list that is the one thing nice for yourself that you really wanted. When you spouse comes home he/she knew to go ahead and get it for you without you even having to ask.
> 
> I'm curious as to what you are referring to if it is something different?
> 
> Badsanta


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Santa,
This is why I ask folks the key four. Do you crave each other's:
- Company
- Non sexual touch
- Sexual touch

And do you easily and happily put each other first?

We are on vacation - need to get to the pier the snorkeling boat leaves from. The pier is just over a mile away. It is really hot. 

We check the prices to rent scooters and bikes - in the shop next to our hotel. M2 says: Let's do scooters. I nod. Then she says - ouch - it's $35 each for the day and we will only be using them to get their and back. I shrug. She says: Let's rent bikes - only $10/each. I nod. Then she says - actually - would you mind walking? I say: not at all

We start walking M2 says: How come I always get to decide? How is that fair to you? I say: You don't. Last night you wanted to check out of the hotel. I didn't. Here we are - having fun. 

M2: That's different, I was being a spoiled brat - this place is beautiful. 

MEM: That's the crux of it. You are very very rarely a spoiled brat. Mostly what you want to do is perfectly fine with me. More than fine - fun. Only a fool argues against fun. 

M2: Do you think I'm difficult?

MEM: (laughing) Not in the traditional sense of the word. If I may substitute a synonym - challenging - you are like an N dimensional puzzle - sometimes hard to solve - delightfully satisfying at the moment of solution. 

M2: So I am difficult 

MEM: More than any woman I've ever known

M2: laughing 

-------
So here's the subtext at the bike shop. My preference all along was to walk. But it's 90+ degrees and M2 is a heart patient. Asked if she feels up to walking - it is a certainty she will say yes - out of pride. Why I patiently let her choose our means of locomotion. 






badsanta said:


> I completely agree and also see my wife responds similar when we have a good time and make each other laugh.
> 
> If you look at the original 5 languages: Quality time ≠ Fun and Laughter.
> 
> For example quality time for most adults means sitting and being patient as we talk through all our problems in life and helping work out how to address and solve these issues. If I were to say, screw all that, let's drink beer, cut up and have a good time, most women would say, "no, I really need some quality time with you" and feel unloved. But yet once we find a way to make each other smile and laugh, that is when the panties go flying into the ceiling fan!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

badsanta said:


> We all have our love languages. Some of which are a variation upon or differ completely from the standard five:
> 
> • Gifts
> • Quality Time
> ...


I'm challenging myself to write down my wife's love languages in order of importance to her as I see them. I'll make it a point to ask her and see how I do!

1) Being patient and listening to her as she complains about her day.
2) Acts of service.
3) Being a great dad and seeing our kids happy.
4) Ice Cream.
5) Me being in a good mood and NOT allowing petty things to upset me.

OMG, I'm reading what I wrote and that does not look too good for me!

Badsanta


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"1) Being patient and listening to her as she *talks* about her day."

Fixed that for ya.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> "1) Being patient and listening to her as she *talks* about her day."
> 
> 
> 
> Fixed that for ya.




OMG That is so funny because most guys consider wife taking about her day and complaining about her day to be the same thing.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Even if she is complaining, she views it as talking & sharing. So, if she has a really good day and shares a few high notes, she is still complaining?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Even if she is complaining, she views it as talking & sharing. So, if she has a really good day and shares a few high notes, she is still complaining?


I'm always asking her, "don't you have one thing to be thankful for?"
You know what she says? She tells me to stop complaining about her talking about her feelings and that I need to listen better!

Badsanta


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Yup. You listen and then take her in your arms and give her a long hug. No feeling her up while you're at it.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> OMG That is so funny because most guys consider wife taking about her day and complaining about her day to be the same thing.


If the scope and subject never change they are the same thing. My wife has hated every job she ever worked on... Guess who has intimate knowledge of all the happenings at her work... 

Those who say "listen to her" likely haven't had to listen to a Dr Phil like toxic dump of daily activities for a decade or more.

No positive things either, especially her current job which is basically six figures for two days of work per week - from home...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Yup. You listen and then take her in your arms and give her a long hug. *No feeling her up while you're at it.*


Not even with my eyes? 

You know now that I think about it there are a new type of pants my wife likes as they prevent me from sliding my hand down into them to grab her butt while I am rubbing her back. It is as if they are really tight or something. But then I quickly move on to convincing her that she needs me to scratch under her bra and that it needs to come off, even if I have to tickle her back a little and talk about bed bug infestations in the news. 

OMG... I'm horrible!

Badsanta


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