# Religious impact on sexual attitudes



## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Today on my local NPR station, there was an interview with an author who grew up in the Evangelical church. I related to much of what she was saying because I also had a religious upbringing - even though it was the Baptist Church, not Evangelical. The point was that religious upbringings can impact a person's attitudes towards their sexuality. That sounds like a no-brainer, of course. 

However, since there are many discussions about couples who encounter sexual issues within their marriage, I thought it would be interesting to make some considerations about how religion can deeply impact how young people view themselves as sexual beings within a framework of also wanting to follow the tenets of their faith. 

My thoughts are that sex is not a simple thing of "you either want it or you don't" or "if you love your partner, you'll want them sexually" or "if you love your partner, you'll want them satisfied whether you want to have sex or not." I feel like sex is more complex.

One of the things that creates this sexual complexity is the early training, thoughts, peer pressures and conflicts that happen as young people are exposed to the budding influence of sexual feelings. I believe that these early influences are often so ingrained in people that they may not even realize that they still carry some of these around in their adult lives. 

Becoming awake about where our attitudes come from can be a start to a new life and a new way of thinking. 

I am including a link to the broadcast on this topic, which starts at approximately 22:34 on the following link. (The broadcast was two stories, so skip to the 22:34 mark.)

The opening to the story is: 

"Linda Kay Klein grew up in a culture that stressed purity in its young women, lest they become stumbling blocks to boys and men. Klein related the lessons her church used to impress upon girls the need to remain pure, and discussed how she was finally able to break away from the fear, anxiety and shame those lessons instilled in her." She is the author of *Pure:*
*Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free* (google it)


The broadcast is here:Seg. 1: What Could Have Been In Kansas Medicaid. Seg. 2: "Pure" Culture Of Evangelical Christianity. | KCUR

If you would like to listen and comment, I think this could be an interesting discussion on how we, both as husbands and wives, can find ways to open new discussions about how we grew into our attitudes about sex - to, hopefully, grow to understand our spouses on a deeper level.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

What stood out to me from listening to this interview is how little any of it had to do with God - or having a relationship with him. And that's very sad.

The main theme is people pleasing (not religion), and that's a black hole that'll never be satisfied.

In college, I remember being at a pool party with our church group, and I complimented the leader's wife on how great she looked in her bathing suit, and she pulled me aside and gave me a tongue lashing because she felt my comment had the potential to cause the guys to think of her sexually. She didn't put it that way, but that was the gist of it.

And I remember thinking, if that's the case, then don't wear a bathing suit. Go change. 

I thought it was ridiculous.

All she had to do was say, 'thank you', but instead she made a big deal out of something that was completely innocent. She's the one who drew attention to it, and made it into more than it actually was. 

For me, my comment wasn't sexually charged _at all_, but she twisted it into that.

These are the sorts of scenarios that this author discusses, and what comes across clearly when you listen to her talk about her experiences is that the problems she's sorting through have to do with other people trying to fit her into a mold that will somehow end up reflecting on them (their church, their youth group), but have absolutely nothing to do with who she actually is as a person.

So, the whole book seems to be about perception and control. No one comes across as genuinely concerned for her welfare. 

She wasn't wild. She wasn't getting drunk or doing drugs or sleeping with every other man who crossed her path. Yet she was being criticized based on the imaginings of others.

It's really warped and unfortunate, and probably pretty common whether one is a Christian or not.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

happiness27 said:


> I think this could be an interesting discussion on how we, both as husbands and wives, can find ways to open new discussions about how we grew into our attitudes about sex - to, hopefully, grow to understand our spouses on a deeper level.


It is so EASY to blame the church for "shaming" sexuality when a couple encounters problems later in their marriages. We all need someone to blame, because for sure we ourselves are not responsible for any of the problems in our own marriages. 

Two highly sexual people can grow up in the exact same church. One person goes on to be extremely ashamed, hates themself for it, and denies themself any and all sexual pleasure in marriage while the other is extremely confident and embraces a very fulfilling and active sexual life in their marriage. What is the difference?

I'm sure if the church had their say in the matter, they would take credit for the happy couple celebrating their marriage with a loving attitude towards one another. Catholic churches actually insist the married couples should perform marital duties at least once a week (that is awkwardly shameful about sex now isn't it?). 

The real problems with sexuality does not have anything to do with the church (unless someone was abused in the church), as it simply boils down to self esteem. Being confident about who you are is NOT something that someone else gives to you or takes it away. True confidence comes from within and is shared with others. Some can see that in themselves and others struggle with it. 

There are many that rely on validation from others to help define who they are. There are many that feel like they can help each other by defining who their friends are with lavish compliments to boost each other's ego. But it does not really work that way.... The only one that knows who you are is you and it is your job to enjoy being that person to the best of your ability. 

If anything being shamed and ridiculed in my opinion helps you know who you are, because it helps you build the strength to pick yourself back up and stand on your own two feet without any help from others. 

The problem is we are taught to be weak. No one is taught to take blame or responsibility. Everybody gets to win. 

I was driving the other day and there was a car pulled off to the side of the road with the lights blinking. I thought to myself that person should take better care of their car and it would not just break down in the middle of no where like that. It will be a good lesson to learn for that person to have to walk home and take responsibility. A half mile down the road I saw the driver of the car. He had stopped, gotten out of his car, and decided he would walk back and clear a tree limb that had fallen in the road just around a curve. I would have probably hit that tree limb if not form him. He was a much older and wise gentlemen than myself. One that sets an example about taking responsibility for things and not just driving right past and judging when there a problem. He probably learned those morals in church or perhaps all on his own.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I am a Christian, and here is what I ealrned about sex and sexual attitudes in my religious teaching:

1. Sex was designed by and if a gift from God that can produce children, be enjoyed, and create the one-flesh bond between a husband and wife
2. Sex should be enjoyed within the bonds of marriage. That said, the marriage bed is undefiled - so you and your spouse are free to "go for it." Heck ,read Song of Solomon 
3. God smiles on the sexual union between a husband and wife
4. Adultery is sin
5. Keeping oneself pure is as much an attitude as an action. Anything I share with other men will be something not unique to my spouse once we are married. However, what that looks like is somewhat individual. Some of my friends waited until marriage to kiss (yikes), and some made out every Friday night lol.
6. Modesty is a good thing, not because men can't help themselves or because women are responsible for men's lusts, but just because it is ONE way we can show respect for our bodies and for privacy. However, there was no problem with mixed swimming or girls wearing pants or skirt above the knee, etc. If a girl showed up to youth camp with a thong string bikini, it might have been a problem, but even the girls that didn't regularly go to our church had enough common sense and respect for everyone that they knew that was just dumb. Like wearing a "Find God or go to Hell" t-shirt to an atheist function. You know, basic respect.
7. My parents are both strong in their faith and enjoyed a very healthy sex life long term until my dad's failing health has made it impossible.
8. My Sunday School teacher in 10th grade got married that year. She talked to us sensibly but candidly about her fears and excitement over the prospect of finally getting to "do it" lol. Afterward, she often spoke of how wonderful it was (in general terms of course) to share that with her hubby.

I would say that all in all the messages I got from my church environment were healthy - in some cases healthier than some of the attitudes I see about sex elsewhere.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

happiness27 said:


> Today on my local NPR station, there was an interview with an author who grew up in the Evangelical church. I related to much of what she was saying because I also had a religious upbringing - even though it was the Baptist Church, not Evangelical. The point was that religious upbringings can impact a person's attitudes towards their sexuality. That sounds like a no-brainer, of course.
> 
> However, since there are many discussions about couples who encounter sexual issues within their marriage, I thought it would be interesting to make some considerations about how religion can deeply impact how young people view themselves as sexual beings within a framework of also wanting to follow the tenets of their faith.
> 
> My thoughts are that sex is not a simple thing of "you either want it or you don't" or "if you love your partner, you'll want them sexually" or "if you love your partner, you'll want them satisfied whether you want to have sex or not." I feel like sex is more complex.


Freakin' A Yah. Been saying this on here for years.



> One of the things that creates this sexual complexity is the early training, thoughts, peer pressures and conflicts that happen as young people are exposed to the budding influence of sexual feelings. I believe that these early influences are often so ingrained in people that they may not even realize that they still carry some of these around in their adult lives.
> 
> Becoming awake about where our attitudes come from can be a start to a new life and a new way of thinking.


Freakin' A yah. Been saying this on here for years.



> I am including a link to the broadcast on this topic, which starts at approximately 22:34 on the following link. (The broadcast was two stories, so skip to the 22:34 mark.)
> 
> The opening to the story is:
> 
> ...


I cannot listen to a broadcast right now. But breaking past the shame was huge for me. Quite a journey.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Interesting broadcast. I think that this kind of thing can be specific to a church or region.

Like I said, no sex shaming in my church.

But I know people who DO shame. Anyone who has ever been involved in Bill Gothard's teaching has had a heavy dose of it.

I would say only the un-intellectual would paint this broadly.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> Interesting broadcast. I think that this kind of thing can be specific to a church or region.
> 
> Like I said, no sex shaming in my church.
> 
> ...


Of course it doesn't happen to every single person who has attended a church. And even any given individual would give it different weight based on their other support systems.

Sexual experiences are also felt in different arenas - schools, peers, home life, society in general as well as the decade in which a person grew up.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

happiness27 said:


> Of course it doesn't happen to every single person who has attended a church. And even any given individual would give it different weight based on their other support systems.
> 
> Sexual experiences are also felt in different arenas - schools, peers, home life, society in general as well as the decade in which a person grew up.


Exactly. You understand completely.

Some people, even ones who profess to be more enlightened than I am, pretty much assume that church=negative about sex


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

She is/was so confused, I cannot listen. It's that someone taught her improperly, plus, she sounds like someone who would easily fall into belief of anything.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> She is/was so confused, I cannot listen. It's that someone taught her improperly, plus, she sounds like someone who would easily fall into belief of anything.


 I know. It's amazing how someone will reject all things faith related and paint everything religious with a broad brush just because some portion of their upbringing or some feature of their church was negative or hurtful. It really doesn't make any sense.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> I know. It's amazing how someone will reject all things faith related and paint everything religious with a broad brush just because some portion of their upbringing or some feature of their church was negative or hurtful. It really doesn't make any sense.


I keep thinking, if she went out and went wild with men and sex, she learned nothing from her time in the church. That's terribly sad.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > I know. It's amazing how someone will reject all things faith related and paint everything religious with a broad brush just because some portion of their upbringing or some feature of their church was negative or hurtful. It really doesn't make any sense.
> ...


 People react to hurt or disillusionment in different ways. I grew up in a church that was streaked about a lot of things, and I swung a little in the other direction on a few aspects, but mostly I just did a lot of studying and realized that some of the things they were hard line about were not actually in The Bible. For example, The Bible is very clear about drunkenness or being controlled by alcohol. But there is not one single verse stating you cannot have any alcohol at all, and you have to twist The Bible and basically add to it to reach that conclusion. Same thing with a few other legal listic ideas.

I would think that someone who responds to stringent teachings or perhaps a pastor who was Maine or a strict upbringing with a complete 180 where they go completely wild and reject God altogether instead of finding a middle ground or changing and eliminating faith based on a rational decision… well someone who has that radical a response is probably not all that healthy.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

So did sleeping with a bunch of random men bring her closer to God?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> So did sleeping with a bunch of random men bring her closer to God?


 I am going to resist the temptation to make a religious experience pond and gas that it probably did not. It probably just made her confusion even worse.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> People react to hurt or disillusionment in different ways. I grew up in a church that was streaked about a lot of things, and I swung a little in the other direction on a few aspects, but mostly I just did a lot of studying and realized that some of the things they were hard line about were not actually in The Bible. For example, The Bible is very clear about drunkenness or being controlled by alcohol. But there is not one single verse stating you cannot have any alcohol at all, and you have to twist The Bible and basically add to it to reach that conclusion. Same thing with a few other legal listic ideas.
> 
> I would think that someone who responds to stringent teachings or perhaps a pastor who was Maine or a strict upbringing with a complete 180 where they go completely wild and reject God altogether instead of finding a middle ground or changing and eliminating faith based on a rational decision… well someone who has that radical a response is probably not all that healthy.


There is nothing wrong with loving another person. Sometimes, it doesn't work out. I think it was Paul who said it is best for the teachers to remain like him, though I am not sure what that means. I figure he meant single, but I don't know if that meant celibate. I don't know where it says that folks have to remain celibate if not married.

However, church tradition seems to believe that. I have more issues with folks knowing they are doing wrong and knowing full well they won't change. They use the church as a status symbol of sorts. They cause issues when the church does not bring them into teachings, but simply accept their donations and look the other way. 

I have plenty of issues with the church. Them teaching me about sex is not one of them. I knew what they wanted. I knew what they wanted. I did what I thought was best. I don't know where it is in the Bible.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I am going to resist the temptation to make a religious experience pond and gas that it probably did not. It probably just made her confusion even worse.


Maybe the men were talented.

All this free sexuality kind of sounds gross with all the STD's floating around. Maybe shame isn't so bad, as long as you don't go on a bender like this lady to rebel against the Church.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I don't want to get into a lot of Bible verses and passages and such, but it is very clear in the scriptures that sex is to be reserved for 2 people who are married to each other. I understand that not everyone agrees with that, and I clearly at mit that my current husband and I did sleep together before marriage. But saying it's not in The Bible is a non starter because it is. The 1st Corinthians 7 passage you refer to is where Paul talks about how married people have divided attention but cars they are to serve God and their spouse. He says he wishes all people who were called to service would be single like him so their attention would be undevided toward serving God. He does understand that not all people are like him. And he goes on to say that if you do marry you are not to deprive your spouse. So people who refuse to have sex with their spouses who claim to be christians are actually disobeying The Bible. But that is a whole other discussion.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

I will listen to the recording and respond again as i find this topic very interesting. But for now, i can say that I grew up in a VERY strict religious environment and the effect that it had on me. Sex and sexuality in my church and upbringing was seen as dirty and like an evil thing that you need to resist the lure of. We were taught that sex was only for marriage and even in marriage people need to be modest and restrained with it. We also were taught that sex is a marital bond so in a way you are married in God's eyes to those you have sex with. Not the complete sacrament, of course, but that you forever have a marital bond with someone that you've had sex with. I don't care to debate whether that's aligned with the bible or not. That's what we were taught.

After I discovered sex (well it sort of discovered me) in my teens, i became very promiscuous. I was so ashamed of what i was doing and what i had become but compusively drawn to sex over and over for various reasons. I did everything in my life the "right way". except when it came to sex and that was like my outlet. Like my way of rebelling. And the more i did it and the more self-respect that I lost, the more I sought out being punished for it by men who were happy to play that role. A vicious circle of behavior that became an increasingly strong part of my life. It was like I had a double life as religion was still part of my life and the more "bad" things that I did, the more "good" and compliant I wanted to be in my religion. I know this sounds weird.

Anyway, i'll listen to the story and add more.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> I don't want to get into a lot of Bible verses and passages and such, but it is very clear in the scriptures that sex is to be reserved for 2 people who are married to each other. I understand that not everyone agrees with that, and I clearly at mit that my current husband and I did sleep together before marriage. But saying it's not in The Bible is a non starter because it is. The 1st Corinthians 7 passage you refer to is where Paul talks about how married people have divided attention but cars they are to serve God and their spouse. He says he wishes all people who were called to service would be single like him so their attention would be undevided toward serving God. He does understand that not all people are like him. And he goes on to say that if you do marry you are not to deprive your spouse. So people who refuse to have sex with their spouses who claim to be christians are actually disobeying The Bible. But that is a whole other discussion.


*I cannot argue that the presence of the passage in Corinthians that specifies that the loving act of sex should be confined to marriage itself. It's there and it is rather meritorious!

And you have different attitudes about sex in both the Old and New Testaments.

To have sex outside of the confines of marriage could well be a scriptural sin, but a lot of loving couples who are either religiously or church based, will still privately honor each other with sexual love and affection because of their perceived commitment to each other, whether married or not! And I think that the majority of Christians are of this nature!

And as the sin that it is so perceived to be, our loving God has an available remedy for it. He knows that His loving creations are prone to a sinful nature but if they will come to Him with a contrite heart and ask for that forgiveness, it shall be granted.

Be so very mindful that a loving God loves His children far more than the sinful nature that they carry!

In the Old Testament, God loved David beyond measure, although David was a lecher. Having sexual relations outside of marriage might well be perceived as a sin by the Heavenly Father, but if we come to Him with a contrite heart, and humbly confess our sins, it will be forgiven!*


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'm not sure "I can sin cause, hey, God will forgive me!" is quite the heart attitude God wants for us....


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *I cannot argue that the presence of the passage in Corinthians that specifies that the loving act of sex should be confined to marriage itself. It's there and it is rather meritorious!
> 
> And you have different attitudes about sex in both the Old and New Testaments.
> 
> ...


Agree, but I have a problem with this. If we confess and do not change our ways, what sincerity was there in the confession? Were we really forgiven, if we were not sincere? I think there is an issue there with the new testament.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Agree, but I have a problem with this. If we confess and do not change our ways, what sincerity was there in the confession? Were we really forgiven, if we were not sincere? I think there is an issue there with the new testament.


*As do I, 2-Man! But I also subscribe to a staunch belief in a loving God of forgiveness rather than a God of hate, arrogance, fear, and scorn. 

A God who knows our human frailties all too well! One who only holds it against His humanly creations for their unbelief in Him and of His Son that he so lovingly sacrificed to those unbelievers who put him to death, so that He could effectively cleanse us from our countless sins in that we can eternally dwell with Him, in body, soul, and spirit!*


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

So we must either have a God of love or a God of hate.

How about a God who is both loving and holy. Who is redemptive AND righteous.

Who loves and cleanses us while expecting obedience.

Either/or is where we get problems.

Hate give us Westboro crazies.

"Love" gives us the denomination that just stamp-approved abortion in their statements of faith.

I put love in quotes because love with no standard isnt actually love.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

2ndnuf said:


> Were we really forgiven, if we were not sincere?


I would like to speak to this, too. The answer, is yes, we were, and are, really forgiven. 



arbitrator said:


> I also subscribe to a staunch belief in a loving God of forgiveness rather than a God of hate, arrogance, and scorn.


Our salvation from our sins begins when we realize that we were made in God's image....and that God is not made in our image.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I John 1:9 is a wonderful promise!


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

I'm wondering how religion plays a role in the minds of women who are in marriages? I'm not wondering what they should or shouldn't do - I'm wondering what kinds of conflicts arise for women when it comes to sex - and how this may play a role in how they view sex in general. Once you embed sex as a sin, are there issues with dividing "sex as sin" and "sex with your husband is mandatory"? The reason I'm wondering this is I'm wondering if this plays a role in women still feeling the pressure of caution or inhibition towards sex?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

. Sorry op.

Anyone who wants to continue with the off topic discussion please go here: https://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-spirituality/429263-lets-discuss.html


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

happiness27 said:


> I'm wondering how religion plays a role in the minds of women who are in marriages? I'm not wondering what they should or shouldn't do - I'm wondering what kinds of conflicts arise for women when it comes to sex - and how this may play a role in how they view sex in general. Once you embed sex as a sin, are there issues with dividing "sex as sin" and "sex with your husband is mandatory"? The reason I'm wondering this is I'm wondering if this plays a role in women still feeling the pressure of caution or inhibition towards sex?


It's an interesting question. I think it varies depending on person and individual church and family.

And of course, what they been taught on "should and shouldn't " will be foundational to the answer.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

I'm not as worried about being forgiven by God or Christ as forgiving myself. The consequences of going off the path of doing the right thing is borne by the person - self perceived and self experienced. Life is a journey in this regard. My perception is that God (the Universe) is the silent observer, the always loving presence - but we make most of the decisions and choices.

Some things do happen TO us as innocents. Herein lies the lessons that we struggle to find answers to. Just speaking as a woman (with respect that things happen also to men), having my skirt measured in the hallway at school by the vice-principal in front of my passing classmates was a humiliation that, as a young person, I didn't feel equipped to emotionally deal with. There are a lot of incidences of embarrassments growing up that shaped my attitudes towards sexuality. 

If young women today or in recent decades have been given a balanced viewpoint of their sexuality, I applaud that. Mine was gleaned from back in the 60s where big words like "fornication" were talked about but never clearly defined. Part of my embarrassment was that I didn't know what that word meant (because I was uninformed about sex) yet they were telling us something was wrong with fornicating - and I didn't know what they were talking about...at ALL. The other part of it was that I was supposed to be ashamed about fornicating when I hadn't even done that. 

It gets into your very being and creates this underlying shame that courses through you for your lifetime. Because it's old and hidden, you can't even address it to deal with it. You just know that when sex comes up, something inside you withdraws kind of like a fear that you have that makes no sense because there isn't an obvious, apparent reason. 

Until my husband told me or until I started reading a lot of posts by men about what they think about looking at women, I was unaware of the unintentional threat that I might posed to men just by merely walking around and existing. I thought I was just being part of humanity. I didn't realize that some men might be thinking about having sex with me just by me existing. The inhibition this information creates is a double edge sword. Some women think it's cool so they invite it but, for me, I don't like it. It causes me to feel self-conscious and push sex away even under the circumstances that I DO want, with my husband.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

When I was 20, I could have said truthfully that all of my attitudes and thoughts concerning sexuality were directly tied to my family experience and my church experience primarily. I had not dated much, was still a Virgin, and still lived in my parents household.

By age 40, I could truthfully say that my Christian upbringing and my family helped form the foundation for my initial understanding and attitudes of sexuality. However, at 40I had experienced much of life, had done much living, had done much reading, and had encountered many influences other than those early to. If I had a sexuality problem in my forties, it would have been disingenuous for me to point the finger of blame at my parents or my church.

The things that happen in our young life do affect us profoundly, but it is we who decide whether or not they keep us crippled. That is an important distinction I think everyone who passes into adulthood must make.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> When I was 20, I could have said truthfully that all of my attitudes and thoughts concerning sexuality were directly tied to my family experience and my church experience primarily. I had not dated much, was still a Virgin, and still lived in my parents household.
> 
> By age 40, I could truthfully say that my Christian upbringing and my family helped form the foundation for my initial understanding and attitudes of sexuality. However, at 40I had experienced much of life, had done much living, had done much reading, and had encountered many influences other than those early to. If I had a sexuality problem in my forties, it would have been disingenuous for me to point the finger of blame at my parents or my church.
> 
> The things that happen in our young life do affect us profoundly, but it is we who decide whether or not they keep us crippled. That is an important distinction I think everyone who passes into adulthood must make.


I want to show my husband every word...thank you, wisdom xx


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I think a more interesting discussion would be the impact the pornography has on sexual attitudes. Maybe I'll start a thread...


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

My early sexual thoughts conflicted to what was being taught in religious circles so I repressed publicly almost all of my sexual activities, even hand holding. I dated a girl and I suppose she thought I didn't like her. If I could talk to her today she would see a different person.

Even after marriage, I sometimes felt I had to suppress my sexuality and if I didn't I was some bad person. Couple that with the often heard story from long ago "Most women don't like sex that much or often."

Now I hear a different tune.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Handy said:


> My early sexual thoughts conflicted to what was being taught in religious circles so I repressed publicly almost all of my sexual activities, even hand holding. I dated a girl and I suppose she thought I didn't like her. If I could talk to her today she would see a different person.
> 
> Even after marriage, I sometimes felt I had to suppress my sexuality and if I didn't I was some bad person. Couple that with the often heard story from long ago "Most women don't like sex that much or often."
> 
> Now I hear a different tune.


 It makes me angry when churches perpetuate dysfunction in an attempt to keep people pure. It is absolutely possible to emphasize the special Nas and God's design for sex without repressing people and making them paranoid and ashamed. I really hate that you were given those kind of messages. I want to shake preachers and churches that do this period


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