# Living apart while married.



## BRL (1 mo ago)

Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever gone through with/dealt with this (one spouse moving out during separation) and it wind up working out in the end?

If so, what is your story?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Are you asking for yourself? Because from the things you've posted about your wife and your situation, living apart isn't going to be the reason that things don't work out for your marriage.

To answer your question generally, VERY FEW established, long-term, committed relationships ever heal and get better when the partners separate. I believe it's because when someone is willing to (or wants to) get away from their partner, they aren't actually valuing or committed to their relationship. 

Separation is for couples who are working out the END of their relationship, it's not the way to work through issues and problems and be successful.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I hate to see you living in hopium. As long as you stay in this mindset, you’re going to be in extreme pain. She’s gone, and she’s doing you a favor, and you need to reach acceptance. 
I suggest starting a big project that takes your full energy, getting some kind of training abs getting an even better career, doing whatever it takes to focus your energy elsewhere.

Until you accept that your relationship is over, you’re hurting yourself.

I know this is not your question, surely not what you want to hear. But I’ve been where you are. Hoping something changes and she comes back……. That is NOT what will help you.


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## 'til i get it right (2 d ago)

LisaDiane said:


> I believe it's because when someone is willing to (or wants to) get away from their partner, they aren't actually valuing or committed to their relationship.


So so true!


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## Mommyto2 (14 d ago)

BRL said:


> Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever gone through with/dealt with this (one spouse moving out during separation) and it wind up working out in the end?
> 
> If so, what is your story?


 I'm going through this right now. I didn't go back and read your previous threads to see how long its been. Mine will be a month on the 23rd. Seperation isn't the answer to fixing things it only makes it worse. Today was the first day that I didn't wear my wedding ring. It was the weirdest thing ever. I'm not ready to take it off and throw in the towel and never was like you. With very little communication and (again I don't know how yours is} I don't see it working out. I'm trying to come to terms with it myself but everyones situation is different.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

BRL

Most often when a woman finally begins moving on (as in your case) - she has already 'written you off' and is trying to let you down in a manner that, to her, seems to be the least painful for you.

Bite the bullet my friend - plot your future without her. Getting together after going down separate paths seldom happens and/or works out to a positive end. There are exceptions - these boards have a few - a VERY few examples.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

BRL said:


> Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever gone through with/dealt with this (one spouse moving out during separation) and it wind up working out in the end?
> 
> If so, what is your story?


Nothing worse than fishing in a pool of hopes but devoid of any fish.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You’re looking for posters to encourage you to stay with her and you aren’t likely to find that.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

With the caveat that I don't remember your previous posts or situation, I have two friends who both had periods of separation from their husbands, reconciled, and went on to have 50+ year marriages. Both of those marriages are still intact today although in one case she is now more of a caregiver since the husband has early-onset dementia along with a lot of physical issues.

In both cases I think the intent of separation was more of a "break" than a permanent split, and both lasted about a year. Both had fairly young children at the time.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> Separation is for couples who are working out the END of their relationship, it's not the way to work through issues and problems and be successful.


This.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

It's the same logic as shooting someone to wish them a long happy life.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

No, it never works out, in my opinion, also for personal experience.


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## BRL (1 mo ago)

I’m asking because, to my surprise, my therapist didn't completely **** on the idea altogether when I told her what you-know-who’s “plan” was.


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