# Can't get over my girlfriend who cheated on me three times.



## Kyle01025 (Jul 19, 2017)

So I met this woman, absolutely incredible woman I was 23 she was 20 & we fell in love really quick. Long story short after about a year we had a huge row about something stupid to do with one of my friends & so we stayed a few days apart (I lived with her At her parents). During the 4 days separated she slept with her ex boyfriend 4 times, we didn't speak at all for the 4 days until she rang me crying begging for forgiveness. I was absolutely distraught. It took a couple of months of non stop arguing and getting every little detail which in turn hurt me more, she insitigated the sex. 

For a few months we worked on things because I truly loved her but it was super hard because she has children with two separate fathers, one of them being who she slept with. 
As Time went past I found myself going through her phone and finding messages from her saying she liked him, asking if he ever considered getting back together. This obviously hurt me a lot. Eventually trust was built back up and we were good again. 

Fast forward another few months & the other kids father was round her house while I was at work seeing the daughter, they ended up having a kiss in the bathroom.. this brought back all kinds of trust issues & caused huge arguments everyday!

One month later I Went to work and little did I know that was the last day I would ever wake up next to her, while I was at work she gave a complete stranger oral in her car who she had met in a shopping centre. (That's what she told me anyway) after begging her to tell me what she did because she wouldn't talk to me. - that night we had a huge row and I called her all sorts of names like a slag which I deeply regret, it just got to the point where she broke me so much that I wanted to die. The same night she went round her ex's (the one who she kissed in the bathroom) for comforting and things happened. They ended up in a relationship a few weeks later. (She was feeding me lies the whole time)

It's been a whole year since this occurred & i have been extremely depressed, I lost my Job & my motivation, I stopped exercising, I've had two rebounds and both time I felt guilty. (I have no idea why I feel so guilt ridden).I don't date & I just don't feel normal.. I can't get over what she did to me not just once but three times & better yet can't get over her too.. even after all the pain. 

I want to move on but I'm literally struggling so much on a personal level, I've contemplated comitting suicide even though I don't actually think I would go through with it. (My uncle did this & I saw the effect it had on my family)

Every few months I reach out to her to ask how she is. I truly miss her & literally cannot even imagine never speaking to her again. She asked me to be her friend because she misses how close we were but that is not something I can do.. sit around and watch her with other guys. 

I truly loved this girl with my whole heart & still do. I know she doesn't deserve me however other then the fact she is a serial cheater she is perfect for me in every other way. I actually reached out to her today asking if she was ok because I felt like something was wrong, turns out it was her grandads funeral and she was upset. This sounds corny as anything but I always thought she was my soul mate.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Kyle01025 said:


> I truly loved her but it was super hard because she has children with two separate fathers, one of them being who she slept with.


Just run and don't look back.


----------



## asgdf (Sep 22, 2013)

Get counseling for depression, maybe some meds. Never contact her again. Find something in life that really excites you. For me it was jiu jitsu (imagine kicking the snot out of the other man.)


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Time heals all wounds. Keep busy


----------



## Kyle01025 (Jul 19, 2017)

Satya said:


> Just run and don't look back.


If only it was that easy lol, as much as the memories were great if I could go back to before we were together to change it I would. Not worth the after pain. 



asgdf said:


> Get counseling for depression, maybe some meds. Never contact her again. Find something in life that really excites you. For me it was jiu jitsu (imagine kicking the snot out of the other man.)


I actually did counselling the first time she cheated on me..
I took myself off the depression medication in January because I didn't feel myself. I know i'm depressed and probably need professional help again but I don't want to spend more years on medication that doesn't make you feel normal. I've definitely made improvements over time which is everyone used to say to me at the start but I thought after a year I would be completely fine. Clearly not.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Here is choice Kyle....you either accept her sleeping around adn open up your relationship (because let's face it she ain't stopping and if you think you can change that, Your wrong....she is happy with the attention and sex...btw she sees you as a weak man, beta male and cockold. Or move on, your your young, not married and no kids with her....so put on those big boy pants and move out...trust me you will be so so so happier in the long run. She ain't worth it brother.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Kyle01025 


Do you realize that you are lucky that she left you? If she had not, she would be constantly cheating on you and you would be an even bigger mess emotionally. Then she'd get pregnant from you and there would be a kid or two in the middle of this mess.

You are so lucky and you don't seem to know it.

What do you do for yourself? Do you work out?


----------



## asgdf (Sep 22, 2013)

> I actually did counselling the first time she cheated on me..
> I took myself off the depression medication in January because I didn't feel myself. I know i'm depressed and probably need professional help again but I don't want to spend more years on medication that doesn't make you feel normal. I've definitely made improvements over time which is everyone used to say to me at the start but I thought after a year I would be conoletely fine. Clearly not.


So ask the doc for a different med. Or just get counseling. Not every med is like the one you took. Spending you early twenties is a sad miserable funk is a terrible idea. It isn't like you can save up all the happiness until you are old. Go be happy now.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Kyle01025 said:


> So I met this woman, absolutely incredible woman I was 23 she was 20 & we fell in love really quick. Long story short after about a year we had a huge row about something stupid to do with one of my friends & so we stayed a few days apart (I lived with her At her parents). During the 4 days separated she slept with her ex boyfriend 4 times, we didn't speak at all for the 4 days until she rang me crying begging for forgiveness. I was absolutely distraught. It took a couple of months of non stop arguing and getting every little detail which in turn hurt me more, she insitigated the sex.
> 
> For a few months we worked on things because I truly loved her but it was super hard because she has children with two separate fathers, one of them being who she slept with.
> As Time went past I found myself going through her phone and finding messages from her saying she liked him, asking if he ever considered getting back together. This obviously hurt me a lot. Eventually trust was built back up and we were good again.
> ...


Well you have two choices you can stupidly at least as far as I concerned think that your soul mate is a monster, or you can do the work you need to do to get over you codependency. This girl isn't the holy grail she is just a run of the mill cheater. First do some IC to help you with your emotional issues, then get in the best shape you can, get the best job you can and then go out there and date so you can see there are many other better choices out there. Seriously she is like a 0, she cheated 3 times!


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> @Kyle01025
> 
> 
> Do you realize that you are lucky that she left you? If she had not, she would be constantly cheating on you and you would be an even bigger mess emotionally.
> ...


Indeed!

Kyle, you were given the Crystal Ball and you don't look at it. Your're sick because you are trying to stay in contact with someone who is Toxic. 

Move out, Move on, Move away.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

RWB said:


> Indeed!
> 
> Kyle, you were given the Crystal Ball and you don't look at it. Your're sick because you are trying to stay in contact with someone who is Toxic.
> 
> Move out, Move on, Move away.



THIS!! Read this over and over until you can start to believe it. You have been given a gift. Your new life starts today. Don't waste it.

You seem to be lacking confidence. Where do you live? What's your job? How much do you make? What's your career look like? A person with no confidence will have codependency issues, because they don't want to go on with life alone. You living with your girlfriend's parents doesn't scream successful. It's time to figure out your life!


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Kyle01025 said:


> Every few months I reach out to her to ask how she is. I truly miss her & literally cannot even imagine never speaking to her again. She asked me to be her friend because she misses how close we were but that is not something I can do.. sit around and watch her with other guys.


Stop this immediately. You need to cut her off period. no more phone calls, texts, whatever be it every day, month, few months. she is cake eating. she wants your friendship while she dates other men. If she reaches out to you - ignore her. change your number if you have to. Get IC if you need it and move on - dont be her doormat any longer.


----------



## Kyle01025 (Jul 19, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> @Kyle01025
> 
> 
> Do you realize that you are lucky that she left you? If she had not, she would be constantly cheating on you and you would be an even bigger mess emotionally. Then she'd get pregnant from you and there would be a kid or two in the middle of this mess.
> ...


In essence I realise that it would of been a cycle that continued until I literally broke down and couldn't take it anymore, there was no trust there. Currently I don't do anything for myself at all.. I cut all my "friends" off because they were bad for me.. smoking weed & causing trouble on nights out & in my relationship I grew up. I didn't want to be apart of that life anymore. I play football during the season & I did used to go to the gym but I stopped going a few months ago because it seemed whenever I would be there she would show up.. more than a councidence and messing with my head. I know I need to just move the **** on but I really struggle. She was my second love but the feelings and attachment I had were so deep. 



asgdf said:


> So ask the doc for a different med. Or just get counseling. Not every med is like the one you took. Spending you early twenties is a sad miserable funk is a terrible idea. It isn't like you can save up all the happiness until you are old. Go be happy now.


I'll try to get more councilling I know that it's probably needed for me to open up and talk about things more. I've actually gone from the best two years of my life to the worst year. & ive got nothing to show for the last year except a holiday to Romania.



RWB said:


> Indeed!
> 
> Kyle, you were given the Crystal Ball and you don't look at it. Your're sick because you are trying to stay in contact with someone who is Toxic.
> 
> Move out, Move on, Move away.


I know you're totally right. I wish I wasn't this sensitive over her. I never used to be like this I've changed so much since everything.



GuyInColorado said:


> THIS!! Read this over and over until you can start to believe it. You have been given a gift. Your new life starts today. Don't waste it.
> 
> You seem to be lacking confidence. Where do you live? What's your job? How much do you make? What's your career look like? A person with no confidence will have codependency issues, because they don't want to go on with life alone. You living with your girlfriend's parents doesn't scream successful. It's time to figure out your life!


I need to make changes and that's why I'm here looking for advice & brutal honesty, my parents told me I need to get over it but I feel like a burden bringing this stuff up a year later.

I think I'm a fairly attractive guy, I live in a small town in northamptonshire England. I lost my job a few months back and it was just a minimum wage van assistant job. (Not what I dreamed for) but opportunitys are few and far here. I didn't end up with qualifications for a career after school as I had to leave home at 16 for personal reasons and went straight into work. I'm now 25 and I know I have nothing to show for it. I'm embarrassed about things have turned out for me and I know I need to change it.
I'm looking for new work but it's hard, I need to find something so that I can finish my driving lessons and then get away from here. Obviously a year no working has led to what money and savings I had drying up.

I used to see myself as an alpha male three years ago. & now I see myself as an insecure train wreck. I don't trust anyone and ultimately I know that after the first time she cheated that's when everything changed. I was stupid to give multiple chances but I loved her in a way I didn't know was humanly possible.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

*"other then the fact she is a serial cheater** she is perfect for me in every other way".*

Kyle, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that since she's a serial cheater, that pretty much excludes her from being perfect for you in *any* way. Don't you think?

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and forget about her. Be glad you didn't marry her and that you don't have kids with her.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Have you considered joining the armed forces? Let the government pay for you to rebuild your life and go see the world on their dime. You have nothing holding you down! Move, start a new life.

With no degree, if you want to make over $50k, you are looking at construction, driving a truck, working in a casino, or working your way up the ladder for many years.


----------



## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Kyle,

So, except for the fact that she is a serial "slag" (your word not mine), she is "perfect"? Would you consider someone who is an escort "perfect"? How would you see her actions as different from an escort? An escort receives money for these types of actions. The pay your friend receives is an emotional payoff. Would you actually consider being in a relationship with someone in the sex trade? Explain to me how she is worthy of you? She is a drug that you have become addicted to. You need to go cold turkey. Someone mentioned the military. Is that an option? Sounds like a damn good one in your scenario.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kyle01025 said:


> In essence I realise that it would of been a cycle that continued until I literally broke down and couldn't take it anymore, there was no trust there. Currently I don't do anything for myself at all.. I cut all my "friends" off because they were bad for me.. smoking weed & causing trouble on nights out & in my relationship I grew up. I didn't want to be apart of that life anymore. I play football during the season & I did used to go to the gym but I stopped going a few months ago because it seemed whenever I would be there she would show up.. more than a councidence and messing with my head. I know I need to just move the **** on but I really struggle. She was my second love but the feelings and attachment I had were so deep.


OK, so you have a huge hole in your life. You do nothing to fill it. But then you wonder why you keep looking into the deep abyss of that hole and feel empty. That's your life.

You need to fill the hole with things that make you feel good. You need people around you who are good for you. So start meeting new people. Take a look at the site meetup.com and find interesting things to do in your area. Go do them. Meet people.. males and females. It's not a dating site. It's a site to help you get out and do things that interest you.

Also check with non-profits in your area and start doing volunteer work.

Start working out. Exercise works better and antidepressants. Plus is will make you hot.

With your current state of mind, no emotionally healthy woman is going to be interested. You have to take care of yourself first and become the best person you can be.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

You're young enough to have learned one of the most important life lessons that will serve you well - don't allow "bad" people into your life. The slag is gone and you've dumped your toxic friends.

Many never learn this. So you're actually ahead of the curve. Follow @EleGirl's advice and now start to refill your life with quality people who care about you, are upbeat and fun, and can help you grow.

And get into a training program or school to improve your long term earning potential 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

YOU fell in love with her. Sadly she was using you the whole time.

Get over it. She has moved on. Stop dwelling on what YOU THOUGHT you had. It was all a fantasy of your own making. Nothing was real except your feelings.

Time to move on.


----------



## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Your issue is you not her. Cheating is a deal breaker. So just break the deal and move on. She failed the interview. Actions over words. She needs to learn to grow up and so do you. Your actions because of her behavior is to simply move on. 

Man up and stop your navel gazing. Lots of ladies out there who don't cheat. Repair your woman picker and move on. 

I just posted this. Applies here too:

In the future, you'll know women far better. Your instinct will sharpen. You'll see through the "makeup" and see who the lady really is. 

You'll eventually learn what I mean by makeup is not cosmetics. Your approach will be more solid. You will be in control. Confidence will build. 

While younger, it was always me who broke up with girls. Not for cheating. Just that I somehow knew I was waaaayyy too young and just a head full of mush to even remotely consider a serious relationship before I was 25.

I did not play the field, showed respect but you know... my experience and confidence grew - which attracted better and more decent ladies. 

I guess as I grew the **** up, I started socializing in circles that equaled my own maturity. 

Be patient and maintain self awareness of others and in yourself. 

Don't have the confidence just yet? No worries. Just "fake it till you make it".


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This isn't love dude, it's codependency.

You have such low self esteem and confidence that you are clinging on to whatever attention you can get; even if it is someone with as low character and value as her. 

She is a slag.

That's on her, but your issue is not her cheating, reproducing multiple fatherless children from various random dudes, but rather your issue is why you would allow yourself to be around someone like that. 

Keep striving for self improvement. Keep seeking professional help for your issues and be complient with the medications you are being prescribed.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I agree with the majority, this woman definitely does not intend to be anybody's forever or sole mate or....fill in the blank. You are definitely better off without her. I would say whoever has been with this one needs to have the full sexually transmitted disease panel run on them right away.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Kyle01025 said:


> So I met this woman, absolutely incredible woman I was 23 she was 20 & we fell in love really quick. Long story short after about a year we had a huge row about something stupid to do with one of my friends & so we stayed a few days apart (I lived with her At her parents). During the 4 days separated she slept with her ex boyfriend 4 times, we didn't speak at all for the 4 days until she rang me crying begging for forgiveness. I was absolutely distraught. It took a couple of months of non stop arguing and getting every little detail which in turn hurt me more, she insitigated the sex.
> 
> For a few months we worked on things because I truly loved her but it was super hard because she has children with two separate fathers, one of them being who she slept with.
> As Time went past I found myself going through her phone and finding messages from her saying she liked him, asking if he ever considered getting back together. This obviously hurt me a lot. Eventually trust was built back up and we were good again.
> ...


Sorry to be blunt (not really) but the words girlfriend, cheated and 3 times in a sentence is the trifecta. Run like the wind. Life is too short to waste time on someone like that. They will only make you miserable. Better to endure a years worth of pain then a lifetime.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Kyle01025 said:


> So I met this woman, absolutely incredible woman I was 23 she was 20 & we fell in love really quick. Long story short after about a year we had a huge row about something stupid to do with one of my friends & so we stayed a few days apart (I lived with her At her parents). During the 4 days separated she slept with her ex boyfriend 4 times, we didn't speak at all for the 4 days until she rang me crying begging for forgiveness. I was absolutely distraught. It took a couple of months of non stop arguing and getting every little detail which in turn hurt me more, she insitigated the sex.
> 
> For a few months we worked on things because I truly loved her but it was super hard because she has children with two separate fathers, one of them being who she slept with.
> As Time went past I found myself going through her phone and finding messages from her saying she liked him, asking if he ever considered getting back together. This obviously hurt me a lot. Eventually trust was built back up and we were good again.
> ...


All this for a woman?

She figuratively punched you in the face and kicked you in the nuts.

Sorry for the 2x4 but losing a job and livelihood for a person who couldn't give two shakes about you doesn't make sense.

Go get a job and invest some time in loving yourself and doing right by yourself.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Two children with two different fathers by the age of 20??? Be glad you aren't the father of a THIRD child brought into this messy mix.

Please do NOT text this woman again. Keep on moving...


----------



## Kyle01025 (Jul 19, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> OK, so you have a huge hole in your life. You do nothing to fill it. But then you wonder why you keep looking into the deep abyss of that hole and feel empty. That's your life.
> 
> You need to fill the hole with things that make you feel good. You need people around you who are good for you. So start meeting new people. Take a look at the site meetup.com and find interesting things to do in your area. Go do them. Meet people.. males and females. It's not a dating site. It's a site to help you get out and do things that interest you.
> 
> ...


I'm aware that currently i'm not attractive to woman with the state of my own insecurities & problems and i'm really not looking, it's crazy how much of a different person i am to the person i was when i met her & i know that only i can change that. For some reason i put this woman on such a pedestal that even against all of my own logic i still desire what i know is 100% the wrong thing for me.

i actually did a holiday with a group from meet up in February to Romania it was one of the best experiences of my life, that was before the job situation went tits up.

i completely agree with everything everyone has said i just need to read the brutal honesty to help me realise that this woman is *NO GOOD*


----------



## Kyle01025 (Jul 19, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Sorry to be blunt (not really) but the words girlfriend, cheated and 3 times in a sentence is the trifecta. Run like the wind. Life is too short to waste time on someone like that. They will only make you miserable. Better to endure a years worth of pain then a lifetime.





oldshirt said:


> This isn't love dude, it's codependency.
> 
> You have such low self esteem and confidence that you are clinging on to whatever attention you can get; even if it is someone with as low character and value as her.
> 
> ...





Dannip said:


> Your issue is you not her. Cheating is a deal breaker. So just break the deal and move on. She failed the interview. Actions over words. She needs to learn to grow up and so do you. Your actions because of her behavior is to simply move on.
> 
> Man up and stop your navel gazing. Lots of ladies out there who don't cheat. Repair your woman picker and move on.
> 
> ...





TheTruthHurts said:


> You're young enough to have learned one of the most important life lessons that will serve you well - don't allow "bad" people into your life. The slag is gone and you've dumped your toxic friends.
> 
> Many never learn this. So you're actually ahead of the curve. Follow @EleGirl's advice and now start to refill your life with quality people who care about you, are upbeat and fun, and can help you grow.
> 
> ...





skerzoid said:


> Kyle,
> 
> So, except for the fact that she is a serial "slag" (your word not mine), she is "perfect"? Would you consider someone who is an escort "perfect"? How would you see her actions as different from an escort? An escort receives money for these types of actions. The pay your friend receives is an emotional payoff. Would you actually consider being in a relationship with someone in the sex trade? Explain to me how she is worthy of you? She is a drug that you have become addicted to. You need to go cold turkey. Someone mentioned the military. Is that an option? Sounds like a damn good one in your scenario.


I appreciate all of your wise words and brutal honesty, it's what i need.

I'm not sure why, maybe it's because i fell for this woman on a lot deeper level then any previous girlfriends that i put her on some pedestal and think of her better then she is, i don't know why i desire her so much when i know for a fact that she doesn't deserve me. Despite my current situation and insecurities i know that i'm far better then this. 

i'm going to get back into the gym & the football season starts again in a few weeks, i think I have felt sorry for myself for too long & i just need to stop living in denial and come to terms with the fact that what we had was special at the time but it's completely in the history books, she fell out of love with me months before we broke up thats pretty clear looking back now.

the hardest part for me is no contact.. i went like 6 months didn't contact her at all despite how much it hurt & then out of nowhere she drops me a message, we exchange a couple and i turn into a needy ***** again, shes like a drug to me.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As the old saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me! 

Can you well imagine what that saying levitates to whenever you're cheated on say, a third and even more times, more especially by the same woman?*


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it does not actually sound like she thinks you are her boyfriend. you leave for 4 days and she shacks up with another man? 

How about you move out, and re-evaluate this relationship.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Not that you said it would eventually lead to it, and notwithstanding her jumping in the sack with an ex, why would you, at your age, want to marry, or even live with a woman with two kids? You'll have all the responsibility of your own kids, none of the authority, and will always be a step parent. You sound like an ole boy that not that hard to please and with her experience, its easy for her to do.
My advice is get out while the getting is good, or keep her around for an occasional lay. JUst make sure you don't knock her up.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Sir, Kyle, you are old enough to be my son. As a father of a young man, let me tell you in all sincerity that you have dodged a major bullet here. Her actions are beyond reprehensible, and had you gotten further into a relationship with her, she would have, in all likelihood broken you worse than she already has. She is incapable of fidelity and the last instance was her acting out. You have no idea how lucky you are, that she showed her true colours and although they hurt you terribly, it is the best that you found out now.


----------



## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Kyle01025 said:


> During the 4 days separated she slept with her ex boyfriend 4 times,
> 
> she has children with two separate fathers,
> 
> ...


Read what I quoted above and pretend it's about a woman you have never met. What do you think about that person?


----------



## JustTheFacts (Jun 27, 2017)

Taxman said:


> Sir, Kyle, you are old enough to be my son. As a father of a young man, let me tell you in all sincerity that you have dodged a major bullet here. Her actions are beyond reprehensible, and had you gotten further into a relationship with her, she would have, in all likelihood broken you worse than she already has. She is incapable of fidelity and the last instance was her acting out. You have no idea how lucky you are, that she showed her true colours and although they hurt you terribly, it is the best that you found out now.


We're talking .50 Cal bullet here buddy. Do you really want to keep stepping into the shooting range with her taking shots? You get hit with one of those suckers (ie marriage,children) and it will put a huge hole in your future. You'll end up divorced paying alimony and child support for many years to come (unless you don't mind sharing her with other men). Be relieved. I really hope that you can get free of her emotionally. Best wishes.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

She is not worth it. She is not worthy.

Keep telling yourself that.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

You should be happy you dodged this bullet early and before she could seriously impact your future with marriage, children, alimony, child support, divorce, splitting of assets, etc. 

Any woman who responds to a fight by crawling into bed with someone else has serious issues you are only scratching the surface of. Not to mention blowing off strangers in parking lots. 

You feel like you are "soul mates" because you were still in the honeymoon phase. Anyone can stand in their head and be "amazing" for a year. She didn't even make it that long. 

You say she's essentially perfect except for this. Well "this one thing" is a huge thing. It's like saying "I love this car. It looks great, feels great to sit in, rides great, stereo is amazing. If only it would stop throwing rods and require engine replacement every 3 months". 

Count your lucky stars that you found out early what this one was all about, and let her be someone else's headache. Drop that clunker off at the scrap yard.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Kyle01025 I saw this and thought of your ex:-


----------



## stiiky (Jul 29, 2017)

It sounds like she was your reason for waking up in the morning. I think trying to find a new purpose would do you some good. I would concentrate on yourself for the meantime until you are ready to start dating again. Do you have a trade school around your area? Maybe find an apprenticeship or something that could get your career going. I don't know about England, but maybe they offer some kind of unemployment program that allows you to go to school. Here in California, United States, the state pays you for a longer period while on unemployment if you are going to school. Maybe England offers something like that. My husband did that after he got fired from his job. He went to a trade school for diesel/industrial mechanic. It was hard to find a job that paid a decent wage, but he did eventually find a job that paid well.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Kyle01025 said:


> other then the fact she is a serial cheater she is perfect for me in every other way


That's just like saying that except for that hole right through the middle of your head you're fine.

I have never and will never understand people who want to keep beating their heads against brick walls like you are. You REALLY need some help boosting your self esteem. You say she's like a drug to you - maybe she has wicked pheromones or something. STAY AWAY FROM HER. FOREVER. Block her on every social platform there is FOREVER.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Kyle, this perfect young woman and the evil serial cheater are one and the same. YOU CANNOT SEPARATE THE TWO. This is not a basket of apples where you can take out the rotten ones and keep the rest. The woman you love is an act - a fantasy - not real. The serial cheater is who she really is.


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

This link is very academic but thoughtful: https://ritualabuse.us/research/sex...al-abuse-affects-interpersonal-relationships/. From the few facts you presented your ex appears to be some where on the cluster B scales or a victim of CSA. 

A LTA with her will destroy you. Only she can begin to address this crissis.


----------



## KaggyBear (Jan 16, 2017)

She is unworthy of your tears


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Kyle01025 said:


> other then the fact she is a serial cheater she is perfect for me in every other way.


This gave me a GOOD laugh. 

Thanks.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kyle01025 said:


> So I met this woman, absolutely incredible woman I was 23 she was 20 & we fell in love really quick. Long story short after about a year we had a huge row about something stupid to do with one of my friends & so we stayed a few days apart (I lived with her At her parents). During the 4 days separated she slept with her ex boyfriend 4 times, we didn't speak at all for the 4 days until she rang me crying begging for forgiveness. I was absolutely distraught. It took a couple of months of non stop arguing and getting every little detail which in turn hurt me more, she insitigated the sex.
> 
> For a few months we worked on things because I truly loved her but it was super hard because she has children with two separate fathers, one of them being who she slept with.
> As Time went past I found myself going through her phone and finding messages from her saying she liked him, asking if he ever considered getting back together. This obviously hurt me a lot. Eventually trust was built back up and we were good again.
> ...


OMG, you are but a babe, go and do something with your life instead of hanging around the woman, she is like a ***** in heat and you are like a horny dog, FFS, you do not have a clue what love is. Go work on yourself, 
have you got an education?
have you go a job?
what are you doing with your life?
what are your plans for your life?

They should not include being involved with a serial cheater with kids from many different fathers, you are much much better than that, and if you are not you can be.

MOVE ON! (get counselling if you need it). Life is too short for this ****!


----------



## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Fastest and easiest way to get over a girlfriend is to get over another one.


----------



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Kyle
Your girlfriend is much damaged and cannot help you in any way but can only hurt you more.

You have to face the fact that you are in a fight for your emotional life…At this time you need to stop all the thoughts about your hurt emotions and concentrate solely on taking ACTIONS to build yourself up in all ways…No more telling anyone how much you loved her; that is now harmful to you and an excuse….You will have to force yourself to take the advice that you have been given….

You are now in a situation that you have to take the advice that has been given you or you will become a door mat and no good to yourself or anyone else….Get ALL the help that you can…*You either come out with a fighting spirit with actions or you become another loser in life. Only the strong and active survive and millions have done it and so can you!*


----------



## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

Kyle,

You are not in love with her. You are love with the idea of her, who you wish she was. You are disillusioned. She is trash, low class, with no morals. She gave oral sex to a stranger for goodness' sake! What kind of woman does that, and do you really feel she would be wife material let alone mother material?

Please, please go out and learn how to love yourself. You sound like you are very codependent. Do something for yourself that will make you happy. Work out, get your hair cut, lose some weight (if you need to), get on financial track - anything that will make you value yourself again. 

She is not worth all this pain you are putting yourself through. And yes, at this point - you are putting yourself through this pain. She's not. She has moved on from you and you deserve the same if not better courtesy. 

Also stop contacting her. She likes male attention, it is all about her - that is why she wants to be friends. She wants to keep you as a back up if she ever needs to cheat again and she will. Don't give her that satisfaction and cut her out now. She probably doesn't even value you or your history with her, you are just another man for her to use to get what she wants which is attention. Every time you text her she feels great about herself - "look at all these men chasing me." Don't give her that satisfaction.


----------

