# Need opinion: Girls Nights Out more sexualized or me more sensitive?



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

So a story of a situation that got me thinking.

So I get an email from my wife asking if she can go to a musical "Spank! A 50 shades of Grey Parody" for a GNO. There's a group of women at her work who all read 50 Shades and one of her friends bought 10 (Yes ten, my wife and I were like WTF?!?! but whatever) tickets and invited my wife. The musical is being advertised as the perfect Girls Night Out with a special ****tail being served before the show and then "Get your picture taken with the Dark Prince himself after the show". It struck me odd because, as much as 50 Shades had a MUCH larger female following, this musical strikes me as something both men and women would enjoy equally. My wife asked me how I (in her words) "HONESTLY felt" about her going, and I said "I honestly wished I could go with you, bring our radio controlled vibrating egg, and turn it into an AWESOME night." She confessed she hadn't even considered asking me because of how it was advertised. She said, you'd be only one of a handful of guys there, yeah but I'd be there with my wife in a funny sexually charged atmosphere turning this into an AMAZING experience for us :smthumbup:. She felt really bad for not even thinking of that. But I can see why she didn't because of how the whole show was brought to her attention. Her friend asking for a GNO, the description of the show that the friend sent etc.

My question is two fold. It got me thinking, is our society becoming more sexually directed toward women while also promoting the sexuality being separated from husband and wife? Or am I being more sensitive to it (which I'll explain below)? From Sex in the City to the L-Word, Magic Mike, the entire 50 Shades Movement, It strikes me that women are being promoted to explore their sexuality (which is an AWESOME thing that can make everyone's life more fulfilling) but also promoted to explore in a way that separates her from her husband/SO etc. which, in my opinion, isn't conducive to the idea of marriage.

Now here's why I'm wondering if I'm just being sensitive to the issue. My wife and I had a small issue earlier this year brought on by a bout of insecurity on my part when she went to Magic Mike. The issue was totally MY issue, she didn't do ANYTHING wrong, but I have this part of my personality where, I'm a total perfectionist about myself because I never felt good enough, so I strive to be the perfect husband/partner/lover because I'm always worried that I won't be good enough. It also happened during a more stressful period where we weren't as connected as usual so it was like a perfect storm for insecurities to flare up. I went to IC and we both went to MC just to make sure we were on the right path from there and within a few sessions were "straightened out" (PS I'm a big fan of MC in small doses more for marriage maintenance) Now to my wife's credit, she asked for permission to go to this musical (even though we don't usually have that type of dynamic normally) because in her words "I want to be married to you forever, and our relationship has been great and I don't want to do anything that is going to cause any stress between us." I loved that my wife had put some self imposed boundaries in place even when not needed. I told her that this doesn't fall into the same category as Magic Mike, I see it 180 degrees opposite. It's something that a Husband and Wife could REALLY enjoy together and utilize shall we say  and that I'd actually REALLY like to go see the 50 Shade Parody. It sounds like a show full of sexually charged humor...Definitely my kind of thing. She actually feels a little guilty because she didn't think of me first. 

So sorry for the really long paragraphs, just wanted to share my story that brought this thought out. Is there some kind of "movement" going on that is promoting and focused on female sexuality, but also one that is also promoting that sexuality being removed from the husband?


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Is there some kind of "movement" going on that is promoting and focused on female sexuality, but also one that is also promoting that sexuality being removed from the husband? 

There is a more public "movement" going on now, you can thank sex in the city and 50 shades. But you must realize that this has been going on behind the scenes also. Just a generation ago, sex was taught to be something that women do but a proper woman does not enjoy or even think about. Just think, any woman that has multiple sex partners is a **** or ***** by society. A woman that is a virgin is worth more than a non-virgin at marriage. Slowly we are coming away from these standards.

As far as the sexuality being removed for the husband. It depends on the woman. I read fantasy erotic novels and while it turns me on, I direct that energy towards my husband. It is no different than a man viewing porn or going to a strip club. In fact some of my novels can out do Hustler.

I think the simple fact is that it was planned as a girls night out. You have told her you would like to be there, but most likely it would make the other girls uncomfortable. She will be thinking of you while there and just think of the fireworks when she gets home. Have a tie and blindfold ready, then give he a few wacks.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

50 shades BOWEL movement, more like...snicker!

To answer your question. GNO. I don't participate in the wild, party-party-dance-dance GNOs that many women do. But then, I never have...I've always been a pub/brasserie type gal. When I go out with my girlfriends, it's usually dinner and talking. Lots of talking. Nothing at all sexualized about it. Sometimes, one of us gets hit on; it's usually met with an eyeroll, and we move right along with whatever we were talking about...we're all attached/married.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Thanks for the reply underwater. This is by no means something towards my wife. I couldn't have asked for a better response from her. I totally agree with you that women's sexuality definitely needs to be promoted more so. When a man and a woman have a healthy and secure sense of their own sexuality, that's when GREAT sex really happens. I hate how our society tends to label "active" women "slvts" but active men "players". It's ridiculous.

You also have to understand for me, I've enjoyed porn in my life alone, only when I didn't have anyone to direct my energy towards. My wife and I can enjoy porn together, but I have no desire to watch it "alone" now that I'm with her. I also have never been to a strip club in my life and don't plan on going. Find them more dirty than sexy. There's really nothing that is appealing to me about them.

I'm looking at this musical and was just surprised by their advertising campaign. They could've easily gone the route of "Bring YOUR Prince of Darkness and stoke the fire of imagination" etc. etc. I'm not worried 1 bit about my wife. She's like you, I definitely get her energies when it comes to this kind of thing. This isn't an issue of me worrying about my wife specifically, more the generally societal approach to it.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> 50 shades BOWEL movement, more like...snicker!
> 
> To answer your question. GNO. I don't participate in the wild, party-party-dance-dance GNOs that many women do. But then, I never have...I've always been a pub/brasserie type gal. When I go out with my girlfriends, it's usually dinner and talking. Lots of talking. Nothing at all sexualized about it. Sometimes, one of us gets hit on; it's usually met with an eyeroll, and we move right along with whatever we were talking about...we're all attached/married.


^^^ This is me as well. Just met up with my oldest sister and some other girls last night for drinks and appetizers. No one got hit on, no men approached us......other than our waiter....and we had a great time. Hubs was "waiting for me" when I got home.   :smthumbup:


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Yes it's to placate women and often stems from women feeling the need to compete with porn aimed at men and now both sexes are encouraged to have their sexuality separate from one another.

Crazy if you ask me...However what's good for the goose. Problem is its not good for anyone. It might make men and women horny, but not for each other nor their SO, and does not bring them closer. It just masks or causes problems IMO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> Yes it's to placate women and often stems from women feeling the need to compete with porn aimed at men and now both sexes are encouraged to have their sexuality separate from one another.
> 
> Crazy if you ask me...However what's good for the goose. Problem is its not good for anyone. It might make men and women horny, but not for each their SO nor closer. It just masks or causes problems IMO.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow some great responses. I really think there's a movement in the marketing/advertising side of things that is appealing to the "dissatisfied" women and not the happy content women. Which is a real shame.

I totally agree Little Deer. I think the idea of porn and strip clubs etc. for men is sometimes too generalized though. I've watched a LOT of porn in my life, it's always been a substitute when I wasn't "gettin any". My first wife completely rejected me and we didn't have sex for the last year and a half of our marriage. Needless to say I turned to porn as an outlet. I watched plenty while I was single. I've watched a tiny bit WITH my wife now, but I only watch it with her. I've also never been to a strip club in my life. No desire for it. When women say "Oh men are this, and they do that". It is a little frustrating to me because I know for a fact, not all men are this or that because I'm not. (and I'm no metrosexual/effeminate man) LOL. I just grew up really holding my sexuality to a premium and see it as the ultimate form of love and affection, so the idea of a strip club...just doesn't fit with me.

Oh PS: I'd NEVER ask my wife if I could come along. She wouldn't have an issue with it at all but I know the other women would find it odd and "uncomfortable". I wouldn't put my wife in the position of being 'THAT' girl LOL.


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## Carisma (Aug 24, 2012)

I think it depends on a woman's friends! My friends and I go out to talk about kids, maybe see a girly movie, eat a salad place that our hubs don't get full at and then we go home to kids and hubbies. I wouldn't want my husband hanging out with guys that wanted him to go to strip shows so I don't think that it would be out of line for him to not want me hanging out with women who wanted to go see 50 shades. (By the way, the first chapter of the first book was so banal and gag inducing I never even read that drival)


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> Is there some kind of "movement" going on that is promoting and focused on female sexuality, but also one that is also promoting that sexuality being removed from the husband?


I'd say no... not a movement. It's a trend IMO. Something happening now and will be defunct in a year or two, like shoulder pads.

I didn't get on the 50 shades bandwagon. I just wasn't interested... if I'm going to read erotica I prefer harder stuff than that. Think penthouse forum type stuff. I saw Magic Mike, and liked it, but it did bother me that a guy was there with his girl. I simply thought it was a 'chick' thing so what in the world was he doing there? What guy wants to see male strippers? My first thought was he's needy. Why? He couldn't let his girl go to a movie about strippers without a) being insecure about it or b) he's a 5 stage clinger. Neither traits I find attractive. Who knows the real reason he was there, but it's always been my thought that women in general are more private about their sexuality and preferences and feel safer expressing them with other women.

I take these types of things and turn that energy toward my husband. He wouldn't want to go to a 50 shades anything with me, he didn't want to see Magic Mike, and didn't have a problem with me seeing it at all. IDK, it just seems like girly girl fun to me.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Carisma said:


> I think it depends on a woman's friends! My friends and I go out to talk about kids, maybe see a girly movie, eat a salad place that our hubs don't get full at and then we go home to kids and hubbies. I wouldn't want my husband hanging out with guys that wanted him to go to strip shows so I don't think that it would be out of line for him to not want me hanging out with women who wanted to go see 50 shades. (By the way, the first chapter of the first book was so banal and gag inducing I never even read that drival)


Dont get the wrong idea about my wife. 99% of the time what you describe here is her. One friend seems to push the sexuality thing but it doesn't bother me (aside from that one time but that had more to do with what had been happening between us for over a year than the actual issue of her seeing a stripper movie LOL).

My wife read the books but was very...ehh about em. With what we've done between ourselves, there wasn't a lot of "eye opening" for her LOL. It was more like reading light humor than erotica for her. And she didn't like Magic Mike much. She's not an ogler, she does find other guys attractive, but she's not a gawker type so the guys in it were appealing, she LOVED the music and the dancing but hated the story and the drug use aspect so overall she didn't really enjoy it and has no desire to see it again.

I'm VERY blessed with the wife I have. It was the situation that got my attention. It was her not thinking of me, not because of some "secret desire" to exclude me but the environment didn't portray that as an "option". Similar to when we played the honeymoon game and one question was "which of your wife's friend does your husband find most attractive". My REAL answer is none because I don't allow myself to think that way, but didn't think "none" was allowed because of the phrasing of the question, so I picked the friend that I admired her relationship with her husband. We flip cards and my wife...knowing me...writes down none LOL. Needless to say I was not happy. Instantly I'm like, I didn't even think that was an option.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> First part:Sex-positive feminism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> Second part (from the same link):
> 
> ...


Love your post. I totally agree. Me mentioning the L word was more bringing up a show directed towards the topic being female sexuality. I've never heard of a "GNO" being dedicated to it so pardon that reference.

I love that female sexuality is being allowed "out in the open" now. I have a daughter and I'd hate for her to grow up having to repress who she is as an individual in an unhealthy way.

Also I love your knock on 50 Shades. My wife sat there laughing her butt off saying "Yeah, all (whatever the guys name was) had to do was look at her and Breath and she'd O. SO NOT REALITY, this book is a comedy in that regard" You have to understand, my wife had never been able to have a O from someone who wasn't HER until she met me. She's always loved sex and she's VERY sexually aware of herself and I LOVE that about her, but me being the only man to ever bring her to O is a huge bonus too. I can make her O every time, but it's definitely NOT like 50 shades LOL. And she's never had a vag O before and we both pretty much agree, FOR HER, it's not physologically possible.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I would say that men have always been encouraged to explore their sexuality outside of marriage, or a primary relationship. Maybe women are now exploring in the same way, or at least, some providers have worked out they can sell stuff by jumping on that particular bandwagon. 

Actually, 'encouraged' is the wrong word. It's just accepted that men will be sexual outside of marriage. OP, you mentioned a handful of shows/books that target women in this way, I could list hundreds that revolve around men, if I could be bothered. The Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, Les Miserables, The Shield...basically almost any show where the main characters are male, there will be plenty of cheating, sleeping around, strip clubs, institutionalized misogyny and so on. But it's *never the focus of the show*, it's just there, in the background and accepted.

Basically, your whole OP was an example of what has always been accepted for men being suddenly destabilizing and a problem when it is turned around. 

FTR I didn't read 50 shades, because I thought it sounded like wish-fulfillment, male-dominated nonsense. I don't go to GNO, I didn't see Magic Mike, because I have no interest. My own sexuality is far more complex than I have ever seen depicted in any of those types of things.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

The guy was probably at Magic Mike because his woman dragged him there. I'm sure he'd have rather been sticking pins in his eyes than see that movie!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> The guy was probably at Magic Mike because his woman dragged him there. I'm sure he'd have rather been sticking pins in his eyes than see that movie!


Na, I thought that at first. But after glancing over to them a couple times (they sat like 3 seats away and this was a dinner/drink and a movie type theatre) I would say he really wanted to go with her by how he was generally behaving. Kinda like those guys that go with their GF or wife to the salons (nails or hair, I've seen both). That always made me do a double take too.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Oh, Christ. I had one of those for about 10 minutes...flushed him real fast! He started showing up randomly where I worked. Couldn't get enough of me, apparently. Yuck.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I'm not sure I would put a PARODY of 50 Shades on the same level as Magic Mike, or the actual books. That sounds more like a melodrama than an erotic thriller. I picture it as batting eyelashes and hysterical orgasms from separate rooms. Adult content? Absolutely. Sex-fest? I'm thinking not so much. I bet they play more to the fact that most people who've read the books realize how unrealistic and badly written they are. I'm guessing some of your wife's coworkers are going to leave a bit umm...let down 

The night that you're describing actually reminds me of a similar deal I went to a few years ago. It was at a smallish local venue, they had a signature drink and the performance and maybe something else afterward. What was the show, you ask? "Menopause: The Musical". I can't even count how many GNOs were probably going on in that theater, lol.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Oh, Christ. I had one of those for about 10 minutes...flushed him real fast! He started showing up randomly where I worked. Couldn't get enough of me, apparently. Yuck.


I hear you. 

This guy was the only guy in the theatre. And I went actually way after the movie had been out... like several weeks, so it wasn't crowded at all. He stuck out like a sore thumb with the GNO's that were there already, and me who went by myself. I think everyone took a glance at him and thought... HMMMM.

I just wanted to see Channing half nekkid and enjoy a couple glasses of wine and a rich chocolate dessert. I did, but yeah, sitting 3 seats down from this couple with all that going on on screen was a bit much.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

A Bit Much said:


> I saw Magic Mike, and liked it, but it did bother me that a guy was there with his girl. I simply thought it was a 'chick' thing so what in the world was he doing there? What guy wants to see male strippers? My first thought was he's needy. Why? He couldn't let his girl go to a movie about strippers without a) being insecure about it or b) he's a 5 stage clinger. Neither traits I find attractive. Who knows the real reason he was there, but it's always been my thought that women in general are more private about their sexuality and preferences and feel safer expressing them with other women.


I don't understand why this would bother someone else - like at all .....

I took my husband cause it was his day off, my GF's were all working, it was playing at the $1 theater, and well....why would I want to sit there alone.... we do everything together anyway.... and went out to eat afterwards at the Olive Garden, it was an enjoyable day -while the kids were in school. 

My husband is likely one of the most secure men I've ever come across -when I compare the stuff I read on this forum.... zero insecurties with me....

The 5 stage clinger..... can't agree with that so much either... we just genuinely enjoy each other's company - I've never looked upon him as clingy or needy...not for a day... and neither has he seen me this way. Now if we were married to another... I suppose that may be possible -this just makes us a good match. 

I am not more comfortable talking to my GF's about sex, my sexuality - over him either....he is my husband, we share it ALL....I should add...."finally"....

One of the biggest blunders in our marriage was not being open enough about our desires , masterbation, what we wanted, etc....& we missed each other badly......now we are full throttle in these things....and it's been a huge huge blessing to our marriage. It's sparked it, lit it on fire even. 

It wasn't exactly his cup of tea- seeing Mike Dance.... But I kept him entertained sitting snuggled up....but the plot wasn't that bad.. so he said.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> My question is two fold. It got me thinking, is our society becoming more sexually directed toward women while also promoting the sexuality being separated from husband and wife?



".."Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."

Oscar Wilde. 
The Decay Of Lying.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I saw Magic Mike with my wife.



Not that there's anything wrong with that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SPANK! THE FIFTY SHADES PARODY to Play The Bushnell, 10/25-27


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Dont get me wrong here. I'm 100% for the explosion if female sexuality, and me bringing up my "insecurity" in the past is somewhat misleading I think, because the reality was my security in my relationship with my wife had been shaken for about a year, not from any one specific issue, but we had somewhat grown more distant and less connected due to many reasons (normal life stuff, me in college again at night, financial stresses, some health issues for her, kids, and I had turned 40 and didn't really come to terms with the fact that turning 40 did bother me which was new, age had never bothered me) Magic Mike was just a trigger for me. In and of itself, it's a TOTAL non-issue.

Entropy, that's interesting. That's a much more "even keeled" advertisement. Had I read that, I don't think this thought would've popped in my mind. This was the ad my wife had sent to her.

"SPANK! THE FIFTY SHADES PARODY @ THE BUSHNELL OCTOBER 25 & 27
SPANK! is a stylish, smart, and sexy parody of the novel that has taken the country by storm with a mix of laughs 
and wit in a delicious package. Fifty Shades of Grey has exploded to the top of the best seller list and has become 
the beloved guilty pleasure of millions of women… and some men, too. Now, SPANK! The Fifty Shades Parody brings 
the story to life in a parody that captures all the escapist fun and absurdity of the novel. The result is a laugh filled evening 
that is both naughty and hilarious. Ladies, call your friends, gather your book club, and don’t miss the girls’ night out of the year. 
Arrive early for pre-show ****tails and stay after the show for a meet and greet with the cast and a souvenir photo with the dark prince himself. 
SPANK! delivers big laughs, sexy fun and lots of surprises."

As I thought about it, I think there's definitely a "some of both" thing going on. I think I was more sensitive to this issue because I lost out on something I think I would really enjoy with my wife, something we could DEFINITELY turn into a fun night so that made me "sad" LOL, but I do think there's more marketing and sales campaigns that are aiming at the Girls Night Out, which isn't a bad thing either.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Don't get me wrong I am not at all anti any religions. But I do wonder sometimes if since maybe the first gulf war and then definitely after 9/11 we have become subconsciously so aware of our differences with the Muslim that flaunting them publicly has been a way to deal with the fact that we have been at war for so long and to deal with terrorism. 
I don't think any of us really paid much attention to the way women are treated in radical Islam until the last ten years. 
I could be crazy but I think the popularity of bacon and the increase in women publicly showing their sexual nature as consumers are linked. 
It's like "hey! We are Americans! We love bacon and you can't eat it! Our women walk around wearing next to nothing and read porn and we love it! Take that al Qaeda!" 

Or I'm crazy. Either way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Dont get me wrong here. I'm 100% for the explosion if female sexuality, and me bringing up my "insecurity" in the past is somewhat misleading I think, because the reality was my security in my relationship with my wife had been shaken for about a year, not from any one specific issue, but we had somewhat grown more distant and less connected due to many reasons (normal life stuff, me in college again at night, financial stresses, some health issues for her, kids, and I had turned 40 and didn't really come to terms with the fact that turning 40 did bother me which was new, age had never bothered me) Magic Mike was just a trigger for me. In and of itself, it's a TOTAL non-issue.
> 
> Entropy, that's interesting. That's a much more "even keeled" advertisement. Had I read that, I don't think this thought would've popped in my mind. This was the ad my wife had sent to her.
> 
> ...


Catering to GNOs in and of itself is not the concern. It is what ends up being promoted and whether it is just about pushing boundaries. It is amazing what some folks will do out of peer pressure or what they will do when they have plausible denial. So the whole what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality is a way of suspending the marriage relationship. Taking a break. Some is just fantasy but some is the real deal. Also if you practice certain fantasies often enough and make them somewhat real by involving actual people then you are really programming yourself. Your boundaries will slip because it feels ok. Not trying to be the fun police here. Just speculating.

So my comment is pretty vague and pretty general. What I am saying is that I agree with the premise of your thread. Your example is an interesting one and seems somewhat harmless. The meetup before and afterwards may or may not be benign. It just depends on how it plays out. But while somewhat harmless is openly sexual in nature as well.

But one could see where something like this could start pushing more significant boundaries especially if it starts getting into the stripper genre or encourages the ladies to compete in some way in the way they dress or behave. I could see from a marketing standpoint integrating male strippers into things like this event. Many women would attend who would not otherwise entertain going to a male strip club for example. If a promotion for a GNO starts integrating the GNOs in a way that encourages meeting up with guys then I think that is not a good idea for married folks. Just my opinion. I don't have anything concrete in mind BUT I would suggest that the tend is moving this way. It is much more acceptable for wives to go on GNOs to socialize beyond the marriage friendly realm of keeping Girls only. Some guys will gravitate to where these events take place to cut form the hurd.

It could end up looking more like a sorority having a social activity with a fraternity. Hey maybe this could be marketed. Loosely speaking have GNOs that involve activities with single guys. Drinking dancing and being chatted up is already a staple for some. So a promoter would just need to start using their imagination to market this in other ways. Maybe some spring break kinda stuff. Idunno. Contrived activities that have some plausible denial where is a hisband objected he would be barraged by beaing called jealous, insecure and controlling.

Maybe a GNO lingerie party where the ladies are encourged to model along with some professionals and guys are invited. Guys get drunk and the ladies taunt them to model or something. Alcohol all around. Prizes given to those who get the best crowd approval. Or maybe just a venue that holds a coed lingerie party.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm a weird woman, I've never drank, never wanted anything to do with a Spring break atmosphere.... I never cared for Girls Night out...the type of people I hang with don't even do that....

But yeah...I would enjoy seeing the Chippendales dance... been there/done that...I was one of the most silent/tame women in the audience, I was near shocked how some carry on around a dancing man in tights.....I would also enjoy a lingerie party too -more so than Tupperware anyway ..it'd just be more mentally entertaining for me. ...and the Chippendales over going to a Cooking show, for instance. I yawned through the entire last one I went too. 

But in all of these things...I'd have zero desire to get up close & personal with another man. It's just eye candy to me, nothing more.... I'd be itching to get back home, away from the women...and into my husband's arms.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Very interesting comments. I've grown to really enjoy and appreciate this forum because of how many varied opinions there are, but that everyone has one desire at their core, strong and healthy marriages.

Entropy, you definitely bring up some interesting ideas. Do I think the envelope is going to be pushed on the GNO entertainment, definitely. All you have to do is look at how the things sell. Magic Mike was a box office smash and it was predominantly women, 50 Shades sold a TREMENDOUS amount of copies. I guarantee the 50 shades movie will be a huge hit and it will continue down a slope. It's natural progression. I know this is going to sound silly, but I'd wager it'll continue for 50 years or longer, until there's a major social uprising about it, similar to the equal rights/feminist type of movement. 

I'm not really bothered by it, my wife and I talked about it and I came to the realization is where my issue would come from in this is if I wasn't being shared her sexual side very much, but she does these types of girls nights out. That's when I'd get jealous and rightfully so. I have the most amazing and trustworthy wife. I'm not worried about GNO's. She doesn't go out to bars, she doesn't drink alcohol. She doesn't go out dancing and she wouldn't because, in her own words, that's just wrong. Aside from this and Magic Mike, she's never done anything in a GNO that was remotely sexually charged. That's not her style. She keeps 99% of that for our bedroom.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

There are all sorts of screwy messages out there so who knows. Every girls night out i go on we end up talking about or husbands some way or another (not in a bad way). And sex. When i do GNO my DH is always on my mind and i like the build up of wanting to have sex when i get home lol.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Guys what is the big deal? You treat your spouse right and keep them attracted to you, the same rules apply to giving them a credit card and sending them out for groceries. You make him/her feel loved and leave them feeling really good by telling him/her "I'm so proud of how you've been working to support us, or you've done so much to help me around the house...... you deserve some time to yourself tonight.". 

And then you let them have that time off knowing you've done everything you possibly could to keep them thinking of you in a good way. Now had you insulted your husband/wife and told them not to go what's the first thing they're going to do? They would do something to spite you and make themselves feel better either by buying somthing that makes them feel temporarily btter, something they don't need. OR they would flirt with a beautiful stranger and tell themseles not to think of you because they associate you with discomfort and pain and obligations.

It's the same as trying to get sex from a spouse who's "never in the mood" (both men and women say this!). You want sex and romance? Then focus on making them feel good about you over the next three weeks. And how do you do that? You reward them for good behavior making them feel appeciated by speaking their love language, and you stop pressuring them to do what it is you want. In persuasion tactics this works best as you make yourself valuable and then tell them you're not going to have be available anymore. The offer has expired. You say to your frigid spouse "Don't kiss me like that anymore. Like you love me..... Because I want to feel like you want me because you love me not because you feel you have to." Then you 180 and treat them friendly but still be a challenge.

Another example relating to this. 

Your wife says she's going out for GNO and this upsets you. So you 180 and tell her to have fun, but say something like "Have fun, but keep this between you and your girlfriends. I don't want to know what kind of crazy things you girls are up to.". When she asks why or a few seconds have passed you tell her "I don't want to lose any respect for you and see you as anything other than this amazing woman I've grown to love". Simply devious!:smthumbup: Then just keep you mouth shut when she returns and let her tell you what happened when she's ready. It's the same as dealing with a liar or a cheatin spouse. You let the guilt eat them alive until they tell you bits and pieces of the story. From there you can gather what really happpened through lie detection skills and see how she really was.


But I'll give you a clue....... From what I've seen in bars and clubs from the women I've talked to. They throw the fact that they have a man in your face and keep to themselves dancing in a circle and bouncing men off like bullets off of rubber. Most of the time the only one acting up and kissing guys is the single girl who can't find a man. Still, I recommend you talk to her friends and ask them what they recommend you do to keep her happy. You an bet she's b!tched about you to them and they wil have some recommendations. Other wise see if you can go with her. Opportunity and temptation are the biggest causes of cheating. If you can go with her to office parties and to clubs you can show her you're not boring and keep her attracted to you, and away from these predators that only want attached women.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> I recommend you talk to her friends and ask them what they recommend you do to keep her happy.


Asking her friends how to keep her happy is foolish. You don't ask an antelope how to hunt an antelope. You ask another cheetah.

OP, GNO is always a dangerous situation because it implies freedom where freedom should not exist in a married woman. My wife loves chocolate but she is currently on a diet and is trying to stay away from it. If I repeatedly place her in a chocolate factory she eventually will succumb to the temptation. She's only human after all.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Now, can someone explain me what's the deal with that 50 shades book? Read a bit online and it seems like a totally mediocre erotic fluff. I must be missing something!




> But I'll give you a clue....... From what I've seen in bars and clubs from the women I've talked to. They throw the fact that they have a man in your face and keep to themselves dancing in a circle and bouncing men off like bullets off of rubber.


Do they also tell you why they are there? That constant harassment is the whole point. 

Personally, I'm not interested in being with a woman that puts herself there. She isn't happy about it? Tough cookies, deal with it or leave. It's a free world. She is free to go and i'm free to look for another woman.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Okay I think I'm being misunderstood here. 

NSweet, there's no issue at my end. I have A LOT of trust in my wife and my whole issue about her going to this play is when she asked me about her going, (she wants and appreciates my FULL opinion before agreeing) I told her the truth. Its not that I don't want her going because I do want her to go because I know she's going to be laughing the whole time, she may or may not get turned on by it (like 50 shades, it didn't do a lot for her sexually, the very beginning of the first book did a little but after that, in her words "They keep doing the same thing, just in different rooms with different toys". My wife is VERY imaginative sexually so that book became redundant for her). It's that I wanted to go with her and bring our radio controlled vibrating egg with me at the control during the show . She knows that's something I want to do and this was the perfect opportunity to do it. 

My issue with this came from the fact of me losing out on that opportunity because of how the show was presented to her. She never even thought about her and I going and playing etc. She was "sucked into" the marketing and how her girlfriend talked about it. She's openly said now that she knows she's going to feel some guilt while she's there because she now knows how much I wanted to go with her. 

My wife is extremely happy and satisfied in life, I don't need to ask her friends, but I think your advice is VERY relevant to alot of the men out there though.

Bfree, My wife is a free and independent woman. We have a partnership and I rely on her being a mature and loyal wife. Would you see my wife at a dance club at 11pm at night?...No. Not because I "set" a boundary, but because SHE wouldn't allow herself to be at a dance club at 11pm at night. If for some reason she did go once, I'd trust her because she's NEVER done ANYTHING to make me remotely question her. We're open books to each other in every fashion (phones, computers, facebook etc.) and I also know she values me and she'd never do anything to lose me. Not to sound conceited, but I know what I mean to her (she shows me everyday) and she'd never do anything that would risk losing me, and she knows there is almost nothing we can't "come back from" in regards to issues, but if she ever cheated, she's out the door the next day. No ifs ands or buts (and likewise for me).


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Bfree, My wife is a free and independent woman. We have a partnership and I rely on her being a mature and loyal wife. Would you see my wife at a dance club at 11pm at night?...No. Not because I "set" a boundary, but because SHE wouldn't allow herself to be at a dance club at 11pm at night. If for some reason she did go once, I'd trust her because she's NEVER done ANYTHING to make me remotely question her. We're open books to each other in every fashion (phones, computers, facebook etc.) and I also know she values me and she'd never do anything to lose me. Not to sound conceited, but I know what I mean to her (she shows me everyday) and she'd never do anything that would risk losing me, and she knows there is almost nothing we can't "come back from" in regards to issues, but if she ever cheated, she's out the door the next day. No ifs ands or buts (and likewise for me).


Then it sounds as if you have it covered my friend. As long as you maintain that frame you will ensure her loyalty. I commend both you and your wife and wish you all the success and happiness you both can muster.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> It's that I wanted to go with her and bring our radio controlled vibrating egg with me at the control during the show


The egg thingy sounds fun, I just wouldn't want it being done around my GF's. Me and hubby on a date? Much more like it.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

OP, I'm sorry if I spoil the party here. But in the CWI forum there are quite some stories with wives going on GNO that go wrong when they are with the wrong friends or in the wrong places. Most partners have relative harmless GNO activities, and 50 Shades related stuff is a whole other chapter.

See if your wife still likes to go to things like that after hearing this.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Guys you're really missing the point of a girls night out. The point is to get your wife out of the house for a while and have her reconnect with friends while having fun. It gives you both a break from each other for a while and relieves that stress you'd other wise take out on each other. It also gives her a chance to freely b!tch about you and share stories with her girlfriends. And you ou can bet she is complaining about you! Too much time together incourages over-dependency and kills attraction. You develop a tollerance for the dopamine highs you associate with feeling in love and actually believe you're falling out of it instead of coming down and returning to normal. This goes equally for both men and women in all relationships whether they be new friends, spouses, affairs, new jobs, you name it. But what's more important than time away is the opportunity your wife has to express her sexuality. At some point the girls are going to talk about masturbation, fantasies, cute guys they know, celebrities they with they could have sex with or be in fantasies, and sex with you or an affair partner. Don't fool yourself into believing your wife is a "good girl" who doesn't want to sleep with someone else from time to time. The only difference is you associate the feeling purely with sex and she thinks it's true love, or that person is her REAL "soul mate". 

Which bring me to what steps you should take if your wife is looking around or having an affair. Chances are if this is going on and her GNOs are a cover story, she's almost completely stopped being physical with you and goes to great lengths to avoid you, provoke you into fights, or ignore your loving comfort as much as possible. If that is the case I recommend you first aknowledge your wife's sexual side that has nothing to do with her being good or bad, and then set your plan into motion. If you want your wife to come home that night and feel loving towards you again after she's verbally trashed you with the girls, had sex with an AP, or explored other possibilities.... you're going to need to shock her with your 180 and completely change her expectation of you. Don't be "that guy" to sit there and brood over what could be going on or spend all night discussion what could be happening on TAM. Get off your butt and get to work.

The first phase of attack in changing behavior is to go against what is expected and catch them off guard. If your wife came home stubling drunk through the door way carrying her pumps and you two got into a heated argument over her bad behavior, then she is going to expect the same. The same goes for affairs, if she's having an affair she's going to expect you to fight with her so she can justify you being the a monster and the OM being her hero. So instead of going over and over what you will say when she comes home...... clean the house, do the dishes, the laundry, and anything else she always complains to you about. This is not to win her over but rather to change her expectation of you as well as that of her friends. Think about it. If I was your wife and you were out drinking all night, and that was something we usually faught about after. What do you think you would say if all of a sudden I stopped complaining and stopped giving you a reason to justify your drinking problem. Gee might that sound like "I have a drinking problem. It wasn't her forcing me to drink all along".

Then the next day start the second phase of attack on affairs. So far you've only done some of what she told you she wanted on the surface, but deep down she wants something else. She wants to be able to live out her sexuality without being labled a sl*t or force herself into pre packaged terms like "good girl" or "cheating wife" that make her feel guilty. This is why romance novels are the #1 paperback selling in America. And don't kid yourself people, regret is the worst emotion there is. Regret forces us to keep thinking about the thing that hurts us and to look for an escape instead of saying "you know what, that sucked..... so I won't do that again. But I am mature enough to take responsibilities and admit I made a mistake" I won't f*ck around on my spouse again because I don't like feeling guilty all the time. I won't miss another one of my kids recitals because it means a lot for me to be there. It's not "Oh I wish I had done this or that" Live in the freakin moment with respect to the past. Back to the topic..... 

If your wife has been miserable for a while being married to you, servicing you, putting her needs aside for her family. Chances are she's not too far off from having a "sexual reawakening" and feeling like she should pursue a relationship that get's her high (again). The only way that relationship is going to be with you is if you catch her in time and spark her attraction like before. And how do you do that? Without writing a book on the subject I will just say "It's what you did to land her in the first place". 

-You were romantic in the way she wanted in that you payed attention to her and looked her in the eyes when she talked. You talked for hours about her, or that is to say you let her talk and you listened. You complimented her on her personality more than you did her body, but you made it clear you found her attractive, just not in a way that made you seem like you were only interested in her so you could masturbate using her body. 
-You were exciting to talk to and left her feeling happy to talk to you. You didn't complain about your problems and you didn't try to fix her problems.... you just said "I understand" in one way shape or form and appreciated her for confiding in you. You said things like "People are mistreating you at work then? I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. How could anyone not appreciate you the way I do?" and then you said you appreciated her "I'm glad we had this talk" and changed the subject to something that made her happy. 
-You didn't try to force her to see things your way or cheer up because you said so you just emphasized. 
-You had hobbies and other activities that she wanted to be a part of. Remember your guitar you played all through high school or what about your place on the football team. Didn't you use to like hiking and camping and going to parties with your friends? 
-You had girl-friends you liked as much as your guy friends who you only hung out with. What happened to them? 
-You had sex to please her and keep her loving you (which could be hours of combined conversation cuddling leading up to sex which lasted long enough for her to get off more than once). What happened ther? Did you kind of slack off on pleasing her for longer periods?
-You gave her hours of foreplay kissing her and cuddling for as long as she needed to feel comfortable with you.Remember how you long you spent a kissing her neck and working your way down to her nipples? There you sucking and licked her breasts flicking your tongue on her nipples until she went crazy. You don't even remember how long you spent licking her pu$$y but I bet you remember having a neck ache the next day she was more than happy to rub. 

The bottom line is you were her fantasy. Phase two is to slowly remind yourself and her of what you enjoyed about your relationship when you were younger. Before she was your wife she was your best friend you loved talking to about anything for hours each night. Spent at least an hour getting to know your wife without talking about your sh!t. Remember how you felt comfortable with her but still made an effort to be attractive. You were a gentleman in front of society but every once in a while you whispered to her how she's "a naughty girl" and deserved a spanking. The point is you had fun. Now that she's in the prome of her sexuality remind her of the exciting guy you are deep down so someone else doesn't beat you to it and destrow your marriage. Trust me if she's miserable with you she's going to be miserable with him, but only then she'll be telling herself and everyone else around you how it was your fault.

Phase three is simply to show by being (and not showing off) how you are the Mr. Right she married. This has to do with the 180 in that you aren't chasing her trying ot get her to say "I love you" back, you simply take care of the bills and do the unseen..... but the Mr. Right part of you surprises her with flowers when she's had a rough week, he saves enough energy to read to the kids before bed, and listens to his wife talk about her problems. Once you change the way she thinks about you, you WILL change the way she talks and behaves around you. Also if she is having an affair you will destroy her credability that she's in a loveless marriage with some assh*le who mistreats her and leave her with her own guilt when you pull away and stop harassing her. Once her friends and family and kids see you're not the bad guy she said you were..... there goes their support and soon after the APs when she stops complaining to him about you and starts seeing flaws in him.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> OP, I'm sorry if I spoil the party here. But in the CWI forum there are quite some stories with wives going on GNO that go wrong when they are with the wrong friends or in the wrong places. Most partners have relative harmless GNO activities, and 50 Shades related stuff is a whole other chapter.
> 
> See if your wife still likes to go to things like that after hearing this.


See_Listen, I appreciate the thought here but this is something that is completely innocent (aside from the topic material and even the material isn't going to be over the top, the venue is Connecticut's "Broadway", there's also no age restrictions on attendees so you also know there's no nudity). In my 7 years with my wife, she's gone out to 2 "risque" things, this and Magic Mike. LOL Neither of which is very "risque" in the grand scheme of things. She's never gone out to a bar with friends, she's never gone to a dance club without me. That's not her thing. She doesn't feel a need to have "being single" moments. In HER words "I was single for the first 29 years of my life, I met the man of my dreams, I have ZERO desire to be single again, or even act like I am." 

NSweet. I COMPLETELY agree with your advise, but it doesn't really have roots in my marriage. My wife gets plenty of "wife" time as we call it. She goes out with a girlfriend about once or twice a month. It's usually shopping on the weekend with a lunch, or a chick flick movie (trust me, I have no desire to go see chick flick of the month so I really appreciate her friends help here LOL). I also COMPLETELY recognize AND ENCOURAGE my wife's sexuality. There's times where she lets her "mom" role take over too much and she struggles separating herself from that (she can't feel sexual while feeling like a mom, don't overanalyze this, I hope everyone gets where she's coming from, I do). We have sex 2-3 times a week and she has some pretty crazy sex dreams that we talk about (I love hearing them). She finds other men attractive, but she's like me in that she doesn't "obsess" about them. She also fantasies more about activities than people. As in, she'll think about something we've done in the past, or think about something she wants to do with me. I'm in about 95% of her fantasies, not all LOL and she tells me that too. 

There are two types of HEALTHY communication marriages. There are the "leave out the hurtful stuff" marriages where both people are truly in love and will grow old and have a healthy marriage but they "spare their partner details that would hurt them AND AREN'T IMPORTANT (not cheating, but say fantasizing)" And then there are marriages (like mine) where we tell each other everything, even the "hurtful" stuff because we prefer knowing exactly where the other person stands on things and can accept it without judgement. 

Also my wife doesn't "complain" about me to her friends, does she say a guys "hot", of course, does she say she'd "bang so&so", hell no. She actually yelled at one of her friends for going in that direction LOL because the friend was married and pregnant. I've overheard some girl talk and couldn't have been more impressed with my wife. We both agree that complaints should be done to each other. She'll go to the extent of "Hubby and I are having a bad day" but she won't get into details. All of her girlfriends are married and we do as much couple things as she does just GF things. She doesn't want to have them have a bad impression of me and vice versa with me, I won't ever say a negative thing about her to my buddies. To them, she's the best woman in the world (to me LOL).


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Ok then, it looks like you have got it right and almost perfect.

Be happy with that.

SLL


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

> So sorry for the really long paragraphs, just wanted to share my story that brought this thought out. Is there some kind of "movement" going on that is promoting and focused on female sexuality, but also one that is also promoting that sexuality being removed from the husband?


If then your only point was this academic question: 
Yes, I think the sexual liberation of the woman is now overtaking us men, 50 Shades is an unbelievable step on this theme. Magic Mike (haven't seen it btw) is also a first in history, following Sex in the City and other series/movies.

Female sexuality is on the rise, and that is in itself a good thing. But it can be threatening to their relations, woman in general will want much more. Many men will be not able to give enough, most men will not be able to cope with the idea of not being able to provide what their partners want on the issue. So some women will not talk about it, and some women will leave their relation or start an affair because of this new current of sexual needs/rights.


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## jelichmann (Apr 5, 2012)

I mean, if there is some sort of movement, you can bet that it is entirely due to the marketers behind the scenes. 

For a long time companies made money off of women's body image, and now that angle is getting a bit stale, so what better way to amp it up and than to throw in a bit of sexuality?

I definitely agree with what you're noticing. We live in a society in which sexuality is pervasive. I personally attribute it to the massive availability of pornography (multi-billion dollar industry), but I'm sure that there are a variety of different causes.

You don't have to go very far online to see countless stories of women literally being encouraged to cheat on their husbands. Not in this forum, but in others.

The point is, I agree. Our perspective of sex has changed, as has our perspective of marriage. And I don't think it's for the better, even though some would call it "liberating" or "progressive".

Eh, sorry for the rant there!


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Great observations.

I think women's sexuality is being embraced and open in our society, which is a great step forward. Women need to be able to have and express their sexuality equally with men.

Unfortunately the downside isn't the freedoms and openness, it's marketing and sales has seen the dollar potential in targeting this newfound openness, especially the repressed or dissatisfied woman. 

I do believe that the positives of this FAR OUTWEIGH the negatives. It's going to be something that society will have to deal with, both men and women, as we move forward.


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