# So alone, sad and uncertain of what to do



## saddness (Nov 22, 2010)

This is my first time posting...

I have been with my fiance for just over 10 years. We met when we were 19 yrs old and we were each others first loves. The first few years of our relationship were amazing. We traveled all over the world for 15 months and had a wonderful life. Then we moved back to our home country and ended up going to school in a 18hr drive from our friends and family. Shortly after starting school I became very disillusioned and decided to dropout and become a real estate agent. I made a lot of money in that profession, while he finished his degree. Our life was financially very comfortable but i was unhappy and didn't like the city that i was in. I felt that I could do better and that we would both have a better quality of life if we moved. We moved for lifestyle. I thought that I would make it anywhere! So, once he graduated we reno'd our home (he also herniated his back doing the reno's). We moved to a new city and I restarted career and he picked up the first job that he was offered. And, we started our new life in our new city it was tough b/c we moved at the very beginning of the recession. Shortly, after he started working he absolutely hated his job and put the pressure on me to help him get into a business. He started really blaming me for the move and the verbal abuse really started to happen. He blamed me for everything and constantly told me how stupid I am. Ever since about 2005 if we would get into arguments something of mine would usually get broken. I have always known that is wrong... he knows that it is wrong too to break my stuff but I have pushed him to the edge so many times. The bad fights would usually start when I would do something stupid like carry wet clothes up the stairs, or put dirty dishes away that weren't properly cleaned with the dishwasher. I would then make up some sort of excuse or try to lie my way out of my wrong doing. That always just made things worse. I never seem to learn. Anyways, going back to being in this new city. He hated his job so we started looking to buy a business. We found one that seemed to maybe be a fit for us. But, of course we had to take out a large loan to buy it. We got the loan and bought the business. The business has been nothing but a head ache and my career has completely fallen off of the rails and we are in debt up to our eyeballs. And, with all of the stress that this move has caused, our decision to buy this business and the inability for my career to take off has really hurt us beyond repair. I have a ton of guilt and I feel that I have thrown the best thing in my life away, him. I know that we had issues in the past but it is nothing like now. He is so stressed and crazed that I really don't even feel safe around him. I am such an idiot I can't seem to make anything better. He says that I am constantly throwing road blocks up at every opportunity and that I am a diva and I don't know how stupid I really am. i am at a point in my life where I don't know what to do. should we just sell every and go our own ways, should we sell everything and stay together (get back a more simple life) or ???? I don't know what to do???? I am lost and so is he...


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

Your situation sounds really lousy. No-one should have to put up with feeling afraid of the person they live with.

You might want to start with counseling, if he's open to it. (If he is, that's a good sign.) You guys got together very young, and I can understand why each of you would feel angry and resentful at the other, even though you may have both tried your best be good to each other. I'm sure you've both grown and changed a lot from 19 to 29!

Also, it's worth keeping a few things in mind:

1) Once you make some friends and find a few places to go, almost any city becomes at least a good-enough place to live.

2) Any job, business, or sum of money matters less than making sure you both feel loved and happy. If the business is giving you both a major headache and putting you both in debt, maybe it's time to cut your losses and go back to a more stable and satisfying source of income, even if you have to move again. 

Good luck to you.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

You haven't made him do anything hon. You didn't make him move to a new city or take the new job or throw objects in the house and you certainly didn't make him abuse you verbally for doing household chores in a way that aren't to his preference.

Things in life got rough and some traits you didn't know he was capable of came out.



_Should we just sell everything and go our own ways?_

Possibly


_Should we sell everything and get back a more simple life?_

And pay off the debt, yes



*When you don't feel safe around him it's time to stop whatever you are doing and drive to your family. *


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

:iagree:

Debt is a real killer. Just getting that off your backs could help enormously, even if you have to give up your joint venture to do it. 

And, of course, no--you didn't make your fiance be abusive to you. No-one should feel forced to put up with that. If you feel that it's dangerous to stay, you should get the hell out of there.


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