# Whenever we don't have sex for more than 2 days, he changes



## NisseHvarmur

As hard as it might be to believe, my husband and I enjoy sex nearly every day. After 16 years, it is surely something to marvel at! 

However, it's not all roses and sunshine. The sex is great. I have no complaints about it. It's just that if I am not in the mood or things just get in the way and we go 3 days without it, my husband begins to act differently. The affection and romantic gestures disappear completely by day 4 of no sex. He gives me short, curt answers to any question I have from, "Where did you leave my phone?" to "Where should we plan our next roadtrip?" 

He barely looks at me by day 5. He gets up, showers and dresses and leaves with nothing more than a "See ya". Yes. "See ya" is what I get by day 5 of no sex. If we were on our normal daily-sex routine, I'd likely get a forehead kiss, an "I love you", questions or more. He never simply walks out as if I am not there otherwise. 

He stops calling. He takes his plate of food and goes elsewhere, plopping down on the sofa and flipping channels until he finds something he wants to watch. He will barely acknowledge me, like he did last night. By 10:00 he is in his mancave playing video games until after 1am. If he were expecting sex, he'd skip playing or he cuts it off by 11:30. 

I only recently started seeing a therapist for some marital issues and she listened to me explain this but she wanted to discuss it "Another week". She is of the opinion he is both co-dependent and emotionally manipulative but that isn't based in this issue. 

I loathe feeling spurned or semi-ignored. I hate it. I hate that he only ever engages me if sex is on the table or if it's been daily for a while. I cry buckets over it, to be honest. 

Surely he isn't the only man to do this.


----------



## Andy1001

Why would you deny your husband sex when you know it upsets him?This seems passive aggressive to me and even a bit manipulative.If a particular activity gives you a headache you stop doing it.Not having sex with your husband upsets both of you so again,why would you do this?


----------



## anonmd

Did you say anything in the way of explanation as to why the cutoff of activity?


----------



## NickyT

I think she pretty clearly said there are times life gets busy and they don't get to it. 

So, are you saying there is little interaction between the two of you unless there is sex daily? No talking about your day or spending time together? 

In my marriage, we do not have sex every day. When there are longer stretches when we don't have sex, we definitely become less affectionate but we always spend a lot of time together and talk.

After 16 years of every day, maybe that's all he thinks of you for...?


----------



## LaReine

I get like that with my hubby when we don't have sex for a while. Though it takes more like 3 weeks.

He is essentially being rejected by you, so is rejecting you in turn. 
If you usually have daily sex and then stop for 3-5 days that is a huge deal. That would be the equivalent of someone who has sex once a week not getting it for 3-5 weeks.

Have you tried discussing it when you are having daily sex?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## NisseHvarmur

Of course. I've been sick.


----------



## NisseHvarmur

Andy1001 said:


> Why would you deny your husband sex when you know it upsets him?This seems passive aggressive to me and even a bit manipulative.If a particular activity gives you a headache you stop doing it.Not having sex with your husband upsets both of you so again,why would you do this?


This doesn't sit well with me. Sex isn't something you give or take to keep others happy. I don't care for your tone at all.

Why not ask it the other way? Ask my husband why he "denies" me open communication knowing it will upset me to be curt? If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. I suspect you might not agree. Your response screams, "sexist".


----------



## JayDee7

I have this problem and my wife knows about it and calls it "need to feed the dragon".
If we don't have sex in two days I get grumpy and if it's more I get really bad. It messes with my head badly. It's even painful on my testicles and my mind loses it. He can't help it, it's a physical and emotional and mental reaction. It's like women and their hormonal swings, you can't help it and neither can he. My wife will say "I know it's been three days and you're grumpy, let me give you a BJ" and sometimes grumpy me will say No, I'm
Fine.
But I'm not. My wife knows this and will tempt me physically and pull it out and fix me. He's probably like me and doesn't want to masturbate, he only wants his wife's touch and his HD needs to be managed. Good luck to you both.


----------



## NisseHvarmur

This site sucks. 

Whenever the first response is something along the lines of "Put out to keep him happy and don't complain about it!" I know I am in the wrong place. 


Men everywhere feel ENTITLED to sex daily. And when there is a 3 or 4 day break in sex, it's automatically the woman "denying". **** that


Amazing.


----------



## NisseHvarmur

American men: making lesbians faster than McDonald's makes fries.


----------



## Andy1001

NisseHvarmur said:


> American men: making lesbians faster than McDonald's makes fries.


I’m lovin’ it!


----------



## Andy1001

NisseHvarmur said:


> This site sucks.
> 
> Whenever the first response is something along the lines of "Put out to keep him happy and don't complain about it!" I know I am in the wrong place.
> 
> 
> Men everywhere feel ENTITLED to sex daily. And when there is a 3 or 4 day break in sex, it's automatically the woman "denying". **** that
> 
> 
> Amazing.


Calm down!
You said yourself you were withholding sex for one reason or another,nobody put those words in your mouth.


----------



## anonmd

NisseHvarmur said:


> Of course. I've been sick.


So, assuming you've said directly to him 'honey, i'm a little under the weather so it'll be a while' then his reaction is not reasonable. It IS natural, the once a day guy is in fact going to feel different after a few days, the after sex hormone hit is wearing off. But, he's a big boy and ought to be able to modify his behaviours in this period. 

If you haven't made a direct statement to him though you need to. Can't expect him to mind read...


----------



## LaReine

NisseHvarmur said:


> This site sucks.
> 
> 
> 
> Whenever the first response is something along the lines of "Put out to keep him happy and don't complain about it!" I know I am in the wrong place.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Men everywhere feel ENTITLED to sex daily. And when there is a 3 or 4 day break in sex, it's automatically the woman "denying". **** that
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Amazing.




Your attitude sucks. 

You posted something with little information about your current situation and expect everyone to know what's going on. You didn't say why you were not having sex just that you weren't.
You said that in the past his behaviour has changed so you know it would this time too.

You said it hurts you when he rejects you, yet you cannot accept that this is how he sees the not having sex.

No one said just give it to him. But I would. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## NoChoice

OP,
You sound quite angry. Have you considered that your H "hates" going without sex as much as you "hate" being scorned? And also did you not say that when the sex is regular that he is attentive and caring? Why would it make you so mad/distraught that having intimacy with your H makes him a better H. Does not showing you attention and fondness make you a better wife? Are you not angry and resentful without it. Are you two not very much the same? Why not look at it from a different perspective other than feminism and consider yourself a drug that your husband cannot live without. Is that so horrific? If you indeed find it so unacceptable then perhaps you should leave him and find someone more suited to your wants.


----------



## Lila

NisseHvarmur said:


> I only recently started seeing a therapist for some marital issues and she listened to me explain this but she wanted to discuss it "Another week". *She is of the opinion he is both co-dependent and emotionally manipulative* but that isn't based in this issue.


OP, you have your answer right there, in bold, made by a mental health professional no less. The fact that your therapist was able to identify him as co-dependent and manipulative means that he's not rare or unique. 

Keep listening to the professional who you are paying to help you as she knows you IRL and has your best interest in mind. 



Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

NisseHvarmur said:


> American men: making lesbians faster than McDonald's makes fries.


PS, this is an awesome line. I'm totally stealing it. 

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


----------



## jorgegene

Well I'm of the opinion he's immature and being a big baby, although you're here attitude does
Come off too defensive and strong also. You gotta take the good with the bad when you come on a forum.

Back to the husband: Poor little ****y; can't take care of his self. Boo hoo!


----------



## Prodigal

No, this site does not "suck." This is cyberspace. Lots of people with lots of opinions. If you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions.

I'd suggest you read posts on some of the sub-forums. I've been here a long time. People disagree with me and I disagree with them. Not all the time, but it happens. That doesn't mean the site sucks. Give it a chance. If you don't like a particular response, you can block the poster.

I certainly don't think you should give into sex just to placate someone's lousy mood. But under your husband's lousy mood may be feelings of hurt and he's too proud to become vulnerable and let you know that. Hey, I'm just spit balling here ... Yes, marriage is about a whole lot more than sex. If you think that's all your husband gets out of it, then it might be time to consider confronting him with your concerns.


----------



## uhtred

OP, please wait and see the variety of opinions you will get - there are a lot of different views here and many very thoughtful people. You may not agree with all the viewpoints, but I think its worth seeing them.

My viewpoint:

Some people feel unhappy after a few days without sex. Not just men, there are women who feel this way as well. it is possible that it is just the way he is "wired" to be unhappy and affectionate after a few days without sex. 

Some people are manipulative, he might be intentionally being cold when you reject him for sex in order to pressure you. 

The above two are difficult to distinguish, even for the person doing the acting. They feel resentful and rejected, so they behave in a less friendly way.


One important issue is that sex should be something you do *together* not something you do *for* him. If the sex is not mutually enjoyable, then that is a problem that should be addressed.


Does he behave the same when you are sick or otherwise physically unable to have sex, as when you are just too busy or have other priorities?


----------



## Evinrude58

NisseHvarmur said:


> As hard as it might be to believe, my husband and I enjoy sex nearly every day. After 16 years, it is surely something to marvel at!
> 
> However, it's not all roses and sunshine. The sex is great. I have no complaints about it. It's just that if I am not in the mood or things just get in the way and we go 3 days without it, my husband begins to act differently. The affection and romantic gestures disappear completely by day 4 of no sex. He gives me short, curt answers to any question I have from, "Where did you leave my phone?" to "Where should we plan our next roadtrip?"
> 
> He barely looks at me by day 5. He gets up, showers and dresses and leaves with nothing more than a "See ya". Yes. "See ya" is what I get by day 5 of no sex. If we were on our normal daily-sex routine, I'd likely get a forehead kiss, an "I love you", questions or more. He never simply walks out as if I am not there otherwise.
> 
> He stops calling. He takes his plate of food and goes elsewhere, plopping down on the sofa and flipping channels until he finds something he wants to watch. He will barely acknowledge me, like he did last night. By 10:00 he is in his mancave playing video games until after 1am. If he were expecting sex, he'd skip playing or he cuts it off by 11:30.
> 
> I only recently started seeing a therapist for some marital issues and she listened to me explain this but she wanted to discuss it "Another week". She is of the opinion he is both co-dependent and emotionally manipulative but that isn't based in this issue.
> 
> I loathe feeling spurned or semi-ignored. I hate it. I hate that he only ever engages me if sex is on the table or if it's been daily for a while. I cry buckets over it, to be honest.
> 
> Surely he isn't the only man to do this.


If this is for real, I have an ingenious solution to your problem: give the guy some *****


----------



## MattMatt

NisseHvarmur said:


> This site sucks.
> 
> Whenever the first response is something along the lines of "Put out to keep him happy and don't complain about it!" I know I am in the wrong place.
> 
> 
> Men everywhere feel ENTITLED to sex daily. And when there is a 3 or 4 day break in sex, it's automatically the woman "denying". **** that
> 
> 
> Amazing.


Nobody said that.

What is amazing, however, is that you presumed that was the first response you received, when the actual first response was:



> Why would you deny your husband sex when you know it upsets him?This seems passive aggressive to me and even a bit manipulative.If a particular activity gives you a headache you stop doing it.Not having sex with your husband upsets both of you so again,why would you do this?


You did not paraphrase what was said, you have pretty much distorted what was said. You were not told to "Put out to keep him happy and don't complain about it!" 

You were asked a question, which you could have answered or ignored.

Men everywhere do not feel entitled to sex daily. They might like the idea of daily sexual activity (it's a biological imperative) but do not feel entitled to it. Some women like the idea of daily sexual activity, too.

However, if you do not feel like having sex or are physically unable to have sex due to an illness, then you should be able to expect sympathy and understanding from your husband, not him being a grumpy grouch. Presumably if he were that desperate he could take matters inot his own hands? (No pun intended.)


----------



## Evinrude58

I don't get grumpy, I get really sweet when I'm wanting sex.
Am I a monster? Lmao


----------



## MattMatt

Evinrude58 said:


> I don't get grumpy, I get really sweet when I'm wanting sex.
> Am I a monster? Lmao


No! You are a Saint! 0


----------



## Daisy12

NisseHvarmur said:


> Men everywhere feel ENTITLED to sex daily. And when there is a 3 or 4 day break in sex, it's automatically the woman "denying". **** that
> 
> 
> Amazing.


This statement could also go,

(Women everywhere feel ENTITLED to emotional affection daily and when there is a 3 or 4 day break in the affection, it's automatically the man "denying")



I truly believe a successful marriage is based on how how well you can meet the needs of your spouse. A happy marriage is a two way street of give and take. If you want affection from your husband than give affection to him. 

All the best.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

I got no sympathy for a guy who usually gets it at least every other day. 

None. 

Dude, take a day off and just hug/hold/cook for your wife. 

Sheezus.


----------



## EleGirl

Being ill is reason enough to not have sex. (And I'm a daily sex person)

Your husband is clearly passive aggressive if this is how he reacts to not getting sex because you are sick.


----------



## Evinrude58

It is a childish way to act, but seemingly easily corrected. 
Are you still sick?
If not, have you jumped your childish dude yet?

I assure you, lots of women have worse husbands than you. Just ask my ex.


----------



## MrsHolland

NisseHvarmur said:


> This site sucks.
> 
> Whenever the first response is something along the lines of "Put out to keep him happy and don't complain about it!" I know I am in the wrong place.
> 
> 
> Men everywhere feel ENTITLED to sex daily. And when there is a 3 or 4 day break in sex, it's automatically the woman "denying". **** that
> 
> 
> Amazing.


When you make broad sweeping statements such as "men everywhere....." then your credibility comes into question. Did you just come here to bag men? How many men are you in a relationship with, how do you know that men everywhere feel entitled to sex?

From your side of the story your husband sounds like a baby but from your interaction here you sound like a difficult person. Have you even discussed this with him or do you just come online to rant? From this side of the screen it sounds like a non communicative relationship of two people that don't have each others back.


----------



## uhtred

Sex and masturbation are not the same thing - or at least shouldn't be. I think that is one of the root misunderstandings in some of these conversations. Most people can get themselves off quickly anytime they want. Surely men and women don't go to all the efforts of finding sexual partners just to avoid tiring out their fingers a little. Sex is very different from just getting off. 





jorgegene said:


> Well I'm of the opinion he's immature and being a big baby, although you're here attitude does
> Come off too defensive and strong also. You gotta take the good with the bad when you come on a forum.
> 
> Back to the husband: Poor little ****y; can't take care of his self. Boo hoo!


----------



## Diana7

He sounds pretty immature and manipulative to be honest. I mean how on earth will he manage if you have a long term illness or accident or operation which means you cant have sex for a few weeks or even months? How did he manage in the past if he wasn't with anyone?


----------



## uhtred

Sex makes me feel happy and close to my wife. If we have sex, I'm extra affectionate for a few days. I want to cuddle next to her on the sofa watching TV. I want to give her a kiss as I walk by. It makes me happy. 

If we go a few days without, that feeling fades. I don't ignore her, but I just don't feel that spontaneous desire to take her in my arms, or send her a love note from work. I may do those things, but it becomes more or an act, not something done out of desire.

It is not a rational calculated thing, it is just how I feel.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

uhtred said:


> Sex and masturbation are not the same thing - or at least shouldn't be. I think that is one of the root misunderstandings in some of these conversations. Most people can get themselves off quickly anytime they want. Surely men and women don't go to all the efforts of finding sexual partners just to avoid tiring out their fingers a little. Sex is very different from just getting off.


Which might be relevant here if dude wasn't getting plenty of regular sex.


----------



## uhtred

"plenty" depends on the person. 



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Which might be relevant here if dude wasn't getting plenty of regular sex.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

uhtred said:


> "plenty" depends on the person.


Sure, but the frequency we're talking about here should be adequate for anybody--I guarantee this dudes drive is no higher than mine and I could never fault a woman who puts out as much as this one does.

And especially if the missus is under the weather! Holy crap! This is the time when she needs your support most, not spoiled, selfish behavior.


----------



## MattMatt

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Which might be relevant here if dude wasn't getting plenty of regular sex.


But is he?

It is either every day, or none for a week or more.

It cannot be both.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

MattMatt said:


> But is he?
> 
> It is either every day, or none for a week or more.
> 
> It cannot be both.


I took it as daily being the norm, but there are occasional droughts of around 5 days. If daily is indeed the rule and the droughts are the exception, then I still see no grounds for complaint. 

This is, admittedly, accepting OPs version of events at face value. Hubby might share different numbers.


----------



## Evinrude58

After reading tam, I am seriously thankful that all the women I've ever been with gave me all I wanted, wanted it as badly as I did, and it was good. 

If OP likes sex, and her husband is good to her when they have sex every day, which she says is great, what in the heck is she really complaining about? A one time event when he was pissy when she was sick for a week and he didn't give her a bye sugar?
Geez, what horror......


----------



## Buddy400

I haven't seen anyone mention this possibility.....

He needs/wants daily sex. Knowing that he's dependent on his SO to fulfill this need, he feels vulnerable.

When he gets his needs met on a regular basis, he's confident and can be emotionally available to his wife.

When he's not getting his needs met on a regular basis, the vulnerability comes back and he closes down emotionally to protect himself.

If she let him know how much she wants him and regrets that a temporary situation is preventing her from having sex with him, he might feel less vulnerable a have less of a need to emotionally withdraw.

It's a little weak, but not evil and manipulative.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Buddy400 said:


> I haven't seen anyone mention this possibility.....
> 
> He needs/wants daily sex. Knowing that he's dependent on his SO to fulfill this need, he feels vulnerable.
> 
> When he gets his needs met on a regular basis, he's confident and can be emotionally available to his wife.
> 
> When he's not getting his needs met on a regular basis, the vulnerability comes back and he closes down emotionally to protect himself.
> 
> If she let him know how much she wants him and regrets that a temporary situation is preventing her from having sex with him, he might feel less vulnerable a have less of a need to emotionally withdraw.
> 
> It's a little weak, but not evil and manipulative.


Very weak.

Suck it up, Cupcake!


----------



## Tatsuhiko

Yup. Her husband feels like she's withdrawn affection, so he puts a defensive wall and tries to distance himself from her. He feels like he can't depend on her, so he doesn't want to stay close to her. And her response is to angrily stomp her feet and come looking for validation from the sisterhood. Anyone who disagrees "sucks" or is "sexist." Her hostility towards men isn't going to help her marriage, but I'm not even sure that was her goal.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Tatsuhiko said:


> Yup. Her husband feels like she's withdrawn affection, so he puts a defensive wall and tries to distance himself from her. He feels like he can't depend on her, so he doesn't want to stay close to her. And her response is to angrily stomp her feet and come looking for validation from the sisterhood. Anyone who disagrees "sucks" or is "sexist." Her hostility towards men isn't going to help her marriage, but I'm not even sure that was her goal.


Oh, please. Daily sex is their norm-- an occasional slowdown from that is grounds for feeling rejected enough to go into emotional withdrawal?

I doubt that's what's happening here, but if it is, it's ridiculous. Either he's being a manipulative passive aggressive jackass or he's a pathetically fragile snowflake who doesn't deserve a woman who's happy to put out daily most of the time. 

These boards are full of real MEN who suffer a whole lot more rejection than that and they don't get pissy about it or fold up camp due to emotional fragility.


----------



## Almost-Done

Men are pretty simple. All we need is food, clean place and sex. Women not in the know would be surprised if they would just do these three things. Sex for men, in a relationship, is the connection, not the climax. My ex-wife never understood this. Women, need the mental connection first before allowing a man to enter her. I understand and agree. Since I am not a woman, I do not know how the woman's mind works. However, that is how a man's mind works. I can say, from experience, I handled the first two, and all I requested from my wife was the last one (she couldn't cook and she was a messy woman). 

Some say it's a breakdown in communication. You two need to hold each other's hands, look into each other's eyes and work on the problem in order to find a solution where both people will work for a goal acceptable to both parties. I did this with my ex-wife, and she rolled her eyes. It is what it is.


----------



## Almost-Done




----------



## MrsHolland

Almost-Done said:


> Men are pretty simple. All we need is food, clean place and sex. Women not in the know would be surprised if they would just do these three things. Sex for men, in a relationship, is the connection, not the climax. My ex-wife never understood this. Women, need the mental connection first before allowing a man to enter her. I understand and agree. Since I am not a woman, I do not know how the woman's mind works. However, that is how a man's mind works. I can say, from experience, I handled the first two, and all I requested from my wife was the last one (she couldn't cook and she was a messy woman).
> 
> Some say it's a breakdown in communication. You two need to hold each other's hands, look into each other's eyes and work on the problem in order to find a solution where both people will work for a goal acceptable to both parties. I did this with my ex-wife, and she rolled her eyes. It is what it is.


Not all men are that simple. Not all men need the same things, my ex did not need sex. My second husband needs an awful lot more than food, sex and a clean house, sure he enjoys all these things but he is not a simpleton that just sits back when he gets these 3 and is fulfilled.

And while your graphic is supposed to be funny it is way off beam, it is a simple generalisation that does nothing for understanding the genders. I don't like shopping, gossip, chocolate (if I never had any again I would not care) weddings are meh. Sex is a huge part of what I need.

One thing I do agree on is that some women do not understand the power (positive) that sex can be. I know MrH loves me, we have a lot of sex but I know that I could ask for anything I wanted from him after a mind blowing BJ, luckily I find it amusing because if I was a manipulator I could use it to get anything I wanted but I understand my power and do not abuse it.


----------



## Almost-Done

MrsHolland said:


> Not all men are that simple. Not all men need the same things, my ex did not need sex. My second husband needs an awful lot more than food, sex and a clean house, sure he enjoys all these things but he is not a simpleton that just sits back when he gets these 3 and is fulfilled.
> 
> And while your graphic is supposed to be funny it is way off beam, it is a simple generalisation that does nothing for understanding the genders. I don't like shopping, gossip, chocolate (if I never had any again I would not care) weddings are meh. Sex is a huge part of what I need.
> 
> One thing I do agree on is that some women do not understand the power (positive) that sex can be. I know MrH loves me, we have a lot of sex but I know that I could ask for anything I wanted from him after a mind blowing BJ, luckily I find it amusing because if I was a manipulator I could use it to get anything I wanted but I understand my power and do not abuse it.


The image was tongue and cheek. However, no matter how anyone slices it, sex is the glue that keeps a sexual relationship together. Most men, who have a spine, will not stay in a relationship w/o sex (if they have a sex drive, of course). The simps will just sit there and masturbate. 

If you ask most men, if they have food, sex and shelter, their primal needs are met. These are primal needs of any species. Usually, due to testosterone, men want it more than women. However, in rare cases, the women want it more than men. Some women shut it off right after they get comfortable in the relationship or marriage. There could be reasons that can be talked through or medicated. Or, they just certainly don't give a turd and that's that. With that typed, this is where the rubber meets the road.


----------



## MrsHolland

Almost-Done said:


> The image was tongue and cheek. However, no matter how anyone slices it, sex is the glue that keeps a sexual relationship together. Most men, who have a spine, will not stay in a relationship w/o sex (if they have a sex drive, of course). The simps will just sit there and masturbate.
> 
> If you ask most men, if they have food, sex and shelter, their primal needs are met. These are primal needs of any species. Usually, due to testosterone, men want it more than women. However, in rare cases, the women want it more than men. Some women shut it off right after they get comfortable in the relationship or marriage. There could be reasons that can be talked through or medicated. Or, they just certainly don't give a turd and that's that. With that typed, this is where the rubber meets the road.


Happy to disagree with much of what you have said. It is not a rare case that women want it more but some men prefer to believe this, it suits their purpose.


----------



## Red Sonja

MrsHolland said:


> Happy to disagree with much of what you have said. It is not a rare case that women want it more but some men prefer to believe this, it suits their purpose.


 @Almost-Done has men and women "all figured out", I'm happy to let him persist in his delusion.

Some of the responses to the OP in this thread are among the most sexist-bull**** I have ever read on TAM.

Op and her husband have sex daily _except _when she is ill. By golly let's burn her at the stake! :slap:


----------



## MattMatt

Due to a range of health issues my wife rarely wants sex.

I do get "anxious" (for want of a better word) if I do not get sexual release every day so I take things into my own hands. So to speak.

However every so often my wife finds her libido again and the libido of several other people and wants sex and lots of it. NOW!

I thought that six times in one evening was pretty good for an old chap of 60, but my wife would have wanted more. 

When my wife does not want sex it is because she doesn't want it. Not because she is using not wanting sex as a control method.

There seems to be a weird dynamic in the relationship of the OP and her husband. Which should be addressed by counselling.

And any diagnosis of a mental health condition is reached after long and detailed work, not a throwaway aside from a counsellor.

A new counsellor might be an option worth looking at.


----------



## MattMatt

Red Sonja said:


> @Almost-Done has men and women "all figured out", I'm happy to let him persist in his delusion.
> 
> Some of the responses to the OP in this thread are among the most sexist-bull**** I have ever read on TAM.
> 
> Op and her husband have sex daily _except _when she is ill. By golly let's burn her at the stake! :slap:


In fairness to Andy the OP made two conflicting statements.

The first that she and her husband had a rare and good marriage because, after 16 years, they still have sex every day.

The next that her husband gets grumpy and withdrawn, etc if they do not have sex every day.

These two statements did not match.

It went from "We have a rare and great marriage because we have sex every day" to "My husband becomes horrible to me when we do not have sex every day. Our marriage sucks so bad that we have counselling and my counsellor says He is this, that and the other."

Andy's question as to why they don't have sex every day could have been answered in several ways. Other than a stock "You men are all sexist pigs" rant which was what he got.


----------



## Andy1001

The op said she and her husband have sex every day and they are happy. However if she stops having sex,after a few days her husband starts to withdraw from her. 
She didnt say in the original post that she was sick,she said she just didn?t t want to have sex. Fair enough. 
She knows why he is withdrawing from her so what is she asking?
She hasn?t said if they discussed this she is expecting him to read her mind. She sounds like a high maintenance drama queen to me and I suspect that the regular sex is why he stays with her.


----------



## Satya

Did the OP tuck tail?


----------



## arbitrator

NisseHvarmur said:


> As hard as it might be to believe, my husband and I enjoy sex nearly every day. After 16 years, it is surely something to marvel at!
> 
> However, it's not all roses and sunshine. The sex is great. I have no complaints about it. It's just that if I am not in the mood or things just get in the way and we go 3 days without it, my husband begins to act differently. The affection and romantic gestures disappear completely by day 4 of no sex. He gives me short, curt answers to any question I have from, "Where did you leave my phone?" to "Where should we plan our next roadtrip?"
> 
> He barely looks at me by day 5. He gets up, showers and dresses and leaves with nothing more than a "See ya". Yes. "See ya" is what I get by day 5 of no sex. If we were on our normal daily-sex routine, I'd likely get a forehead kiss, an "I love you", questions or more. He never simply walks out as if I am not there otherwise.
> 
> He stops calling. He takes his plate of food and goes elsewhere, plopping down on the sofa and flipping channels until he finds something he wants to watch. He will barely acknowledge me, like he did last night. By 10:00 he is in his mancave playing video games until after 1am. If he were expecting sex, he'd skip playing or he cuts it off by 11:30.
> 
> I only recently started seeing a therapist for some marital issues and she listened to me explain this but she wanted to discuss it "Another week". She is of the opinion he is both co-dependent and emotionally manipulative but that isn't based in this issue.
> 
> I loathe feeling spurned or semi-ignored. I hate it. I hate that he only ever engages me if sex is on the table or if it's been daily for a while. I cry buckets over it, to be honest.
> 
> Surely he isn't the only man to do this.


*So which is of more importance?

Your "not feeling in the mood to share sex," or to promote a perpetual loving sexual unity between a married and committed couple?*


----------



## dianaelaine59

To OP: you have an open marriage?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Blondilocks

dianaelaine59 said:


> To OP: you have an open marriage?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


What prompted you to ask this question?


----------



## Tatsuhiko

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Oh, please. Daily sex is their norm-- an occasional slowdown from that is grounds for feeling rejected enough to go into emotional withdrawal?
> 
> I doubt that's what's happening here, but if it is, it's ridiculous. Either he's being a manipulative passive aggressive jackass or he's a pathetically fragile snowflake who doesn't deserve a woman who's happy to put out daily most of the time.
> 
> These boards are full of real MEN who suffer a whole lot more rejection than that and they don't get pissy about it or fold up camp due to emotional fragility.


So because he _shouldn't_ feel that way, then he _doesn't_ feel that way? I made no statement about what the appropriate amount of sex was. Rightly or wrongly, it seems that he _feels_ he's not getting enough. I'm not sure he's consciously manipulating anyone--I think it's just more his state of mind being reflected in his actions. Whether he's justified or not is an entirely different discussion. Her hostility is certainly not going to solve the problem.


----------



## NobodySpecial

NisseHvarmur said:


> Of course. I've been sick.


God FORBID you have a life outside screwing your husband and want to be treated like a cared human being rather than a walking glory hole. Your husband is being a d!ck.


----------



## Spicy

From what she has said here, she’s lucky he wants to have sex with her.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Spicy said:


> From what she has said here, she’s lucky he wants to have sex with her.


MY BAD. I did not realize this was a 4 page thread. Sorry.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Tatsuhiko said:


> So because he _shouldn't_ feel that way, then he _doesn't_ feel that way? I made no statement about what the appropriate amount of sex was. Rightly or wrongly, it seems that he _feels_ he's not getting enough. I'm not sure he's consciously manipulating anyone--I think it's just more his state of mind being reflected in his actions. Whether he's justified or not is an entirely different discussion. Her hostility is certainly not going to solve the problem.


That's why I said either/or. And neither is good. And either is HIS problem. 
She doesn't owe him any coddling on this one. She needs to tell him "look, buddy, you've got it pretty good here; whether you believe or not, far better than most men. I understand you may be _feeling _neglected, but you've got to grow up and realize I don't exist just to service you. If you can't see through to treat me with love and kindness even when I'm not putting out daily, _and especially when I'm feeling poorly_, then we've got a serious problem here that you need to face and deal with."


----------



## uhtred

This is a case where people may be mapping their own experiences onto this the OPs post.

My wife would honestly tell you that we have sex every week because that is how she sees it. What I see is that we engage in some sexual activity every week IF nothign else gets in the way - which turns into every 2 weeks on average, sometimes multi-month gaps. That what she calls "sex" is usually her giving me a quick HJ because there is always some reason she can't do anything else that time. (this last has improved a lot in the last couple of months).

Is the OP having fun passionate sex most days and then her husband gets upset if she missed a couple of days because she is sick? Then he is being completely unreasonable. 

Or is the OP providing mediocre sex sometimes daily, but often skipping much longer and her husband feels rejected and is not as affectionate as she would like?


Both situations, and many others, are possible, and its not easy to tell which is going on. 






Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Oh, please. Daily sex is their norm-- an occasional slowdown from that is grounds for feeling rejected enough to go into emotional withdrawal?
> 
> I doubt that's what's happening here, but if it is, it's ridiculous. Either he's being a manipulative passive aggressive jackass or he's a pathetically fragile snowflake who doesn't deserve a woman who's happy to put out daily most of the time.
> 
> These boards are full of real MEN who suffer a whole lot more rejection than that and they don't get pissy about it or fold up camp due to emotional fragility.


----------



## Spicy

NobodySpecial said:


> MY BAD. I did not realize this was a 4 page thread. Sorry.


I wasn’t replying to you honey, just to the thread :x


----------



## dianaelaine59

Blondilocks said:


> What prompted you to ask this question?




It's on her profile


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt

dianaelaine59 said:


> It's on her profile
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Holy... ****! So it is! 

They have an open relationship and she and her husband have sex every day? 

Ewwww, really? :scratchhead:


----------



## Blondilocks

dianaelaine59 said:


> It's on her profile
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Thanks! Thought I must have missed something in her posts.

Since it is an open relationship, I can't see any reason for her husband's behavior as he has permission (?) to take care of business. Rather confusing relationship dynamic.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Blondilocks said:


> Thanks! Thought I must have missed something in her posts.
> 
> Since it is an open relationship, I can't see any reason for her husband's behavior as he has permission (?) to take care of business. Rather confusing relationship dynamic.


Yeah, I missed that as well. 

I was already the leader of the "he's got no grounds for complaint" camp on this one. Now I'm really _really *really really*_ firm in the "stop complaining" camp.

WTH, dude? Really?!?!


----------



## MattMatt

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yeah, I missed that as well.
> 
> I was already the leader of the "he's got no grounds for complaint" camp on this one. Now I'm really _really *really really*_ firm in the "stop complaining" camp.
> 
> WTH, dude? Really?!?!


If they have an open relationship, who opened it and exactly how open is it?

Here's another question:- If you are in an open relationship and your partner stops having sex with you... _what does that mean?_
*
That your partner has stopped having sex... Or that they have just stopped having sex with YOU? *:scratchhead:


----------



## MattMatt

He might need sex every day to reaffirm that she still loves him and that she isn't going to run off with one of her lovers. 

And this might well be the weird, troubling dynamic that some of us sensed.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

MattMatt said:


> He might need sex every day to reaffirm that she still loves him and that she isn't going to run off with one of her lovers.
> 
> And this might well be the weird, troubling dynamic that some of us sensed.


In which case he should be working on renegotiating the whole open marriage thing, not pouting when he doesn't get it from her on a daily basis.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

@NisseHvarmur

How "open" is the marriage?

Is it a free for all? Is it open to physical contact but not emotional involvement?

How often does your husband take advantage of the openness of it? How often do you?


----------



## Andy1001

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> @NisseHvarmur
> 
> How "open" is the marriage?
> 
> Is it a free for all? Is it open to physical contact but not emotional involvement?
> 
> How often does your husband take advantage of the openness of it? How often do you?


I think you are wasting your time,she’s not coming back.She didn’t get the sympathy that she was expecting so according to her everyone on tam is an *******.
And she called me sexist!
Must be the time of the month.😜


----------



## Andy1001

MattMatt said:


> He might need sex every day to reaffirm that she still loves him and that she isn't going to run off with one of her lovers.
> 
> And this might well be the weird, troubling dynamic that some of us sensed.


Her post/vent about men creating lesbians has me thinking there is a lot more to this story than I initially thought.Maybe the marriage is open because she is bi and has a girlfriend and has an “arrangement”with her husband about sex.


----------



## uhtred

I'm not going to guess at her reasons, but it looks like the OP is not coming back.


----------



## MattMatt

uhtred said:


> I'm not going to guess at her reasons, but it looks like the OP is not coming back.


Sometimes we want affirmation or to be petted










and if that doesn't happen...


----------



## LaReine

It's possible the openness is only on her side (is she takes lovers) and so when her and hubby aren't having sex he feels she is choosing someone else over him... Yes she said she had been feeling sick (after the fact) but he may not believe that


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Bibi1031

Just wow at how funny this is. This person was on TAM for about an hour at the most and this thread is still going?

She answered the first member that responded. Then she picked a fight, so to speak, with said poster. Insulted American men as a whole when TAM has members of many nationalities not just Americans. 

Has had sex daily with her husband of 16 years, is in an open marriage, and now all of a sudden she needs a therspist? 

A therapist is not what she really needs. She seriously needs to take an anger management course! 

She is a grouch...ouch!

A good suggestion to cure the grouch monster would be to get laid no? >>>>>>>


----------



## 269370

She'sStillGotIt said:


> OMG. Why doesn't she just come home every night, lay down on the floor on her stomach, and let this sniveling, childish ass-hole wipe his shoes off on her back? When he's all done doing that, then she can jump back up and make sure to cater to Mr. Thing's EVERY sexual need, because it's the *All About Him Show* at their place, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
> 
> And God FORBID she misses a performance or two or three.
> 
> It's like the whole damned WORLD revolves around THIS guy and his never-ending '_*need'*_ to have sex. He sounds like a selfish, self-absorbed, emotionally stunted, manipulative, childish fool.
> 
> Redacted by admin due to breach of posting rules.




Dear Lord. What has happened in your love-life to make you write such violent yet hilariously entertaining words. <>Imagination runs wild</>


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

NisseHvarmur said:


> American men: making lesbians faster than McDonald's makes fries.




Why just American men?? I feel excluded.
Lesbians always welcome.
----
Don't know if you are still reading but this is a very typical reaction. It's the reason why many women use sex as a tool to get the guy to do certain things and men often manipulate women into having sex with them...
That's provided how you choose to look at this. You could be flattered (don't have to be, but you could choose to, if you wanted to) that he desires you so much and so frequently or you could be offended that this is all that he wants you for... He could be thinking that you are deliberately and knowingly withholding sex from him. Guys are generally too proud/find it impossible to initiate because of pride and fear of rejection.
Either way, what was the problem again?
Have a talk. Explain the reasons why you can't/don't feel like always humping him daily but ask him to communicate to you when he needs it, instead of dropping hints and playing the neglect games. Or would this hurt your pride too? Welcome to the wonderful world relationships.

How old are you guys? I'm sure you'll work it out.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> Dear Lord. What has happened in your love-life to make you write such violent yet hilariously entertaining words. <>Imagination runs wild</>
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You must be new around here.


----------



## 269370

dianaelaine59 said:


> To OP: you have an open marriage?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk




Always good to know there's someone out there to provide a helping hand when in need 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> You must be new around here.




Nope. Irregular but not new. Never cease to marvel though  


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Almost-Done

MrsHolland said:


> Not all men are that simple. Not all men need the same things, my ex did not need sex. My second husband needs an awful lot more than food, sex and a clean house, sure he enjoys all these things but he is not a simpleton that just sits back when he gets these 3 and is fulfilled.
> 
> And while your graphic is supposed to be funny it is way off beam, it is a simple generalisation that does nothing for understanding the genders. I don't like shopping, gossip, chocolate (if I never had any again I would not care) weddings are meh. Sex is a huge part of what I need.
> 
> One thing I do agree on is that some women do not understand the power (positive) that sex can be. I know MrH loves me, we have a lot of sex but I know that I could ask for anything I wanted from him after a mind blowing BJ, luckily I find it amusing because if I was a manipulator I could use it to get anything I wanted but I understand my power and do not abuse it.


Men and women are different and will have different opinions on everything. That was mine.


----------



## Almost-Done

Red Sonja said:


> @Almost-Done has men and women "all figured out", I'm happy to let him persist in his delusion.
> 
> Some of the responses to the OP in this thread are among the most sexist-bull**** I have ever read on TAM.
> 
> Op and her husband have sex daily _except _when she is ill. By golly let's burn her at the stake! :slap:


Happy to open your eyes to another perspective. Whether it is right or partially right is up to that individual person. I am just giving my opinion. No need for personal attacks. No delusion here. Perhaps, just a difference of opinion.


----------

