# Need advice



## mummyof2 (Oct 10, 2011)

Hi Guys

So today me and my husband had a fight because i found out he joined a dating site i was not snooping it came up in the history.
He got mad with me and mad up loads of lies, it was a joke on his brother, It just poped up then Lol he wanted to understand how people work (bull****) and he said he doesnt know why im getting worked up over it he does not care about what i do... Soo he doesnt care no more and i reall don't understand because as his wife i care about everything he does and takes an intrest, Am i wrong guys??? I kinda feel he is just waiting till someone better comes along i had 2 kid back to back so my body is not what is was. He keeps telling me i need to lose weight could this be why#?? we still have sex but im just not into it these days because i feel he does not care/love and its alway quick anyway because of the kids..... Right now i feel i should leve him because its just one thing after another and im so unhappy Plus he said i never let him do anything i alway have to be there which i just want to spend time with him is that so wrong?

Im 23 hes 34 and he can never his problem out he just changes it all the time 

Any advice would be great guys thanks in advance


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Have you suggested marriage counseling? I don't see evidence of very much communication on the issues you posted here. You two need to really talk about what you need out of your marriage.


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## mummyof2 (Oct 10, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Have you suggested marriage counseling? I don't see evidence of very much communication on the issues you posted here. You two need to really talk about what you need out of your marriage.


He will not go i have asked many of times befor


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Have you two already tried to talk alone, kids elsewhere or being watched while you two leave, and it still failed to produce results?

If so, take a stand for yourself. Give him two options, counseling or divorce. Nothing like a wake-up call to us cheaters (I had an emotional affair).


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## mummyof2 (Oct 10, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Have you two already tried to talk alone, kids elsewhere or being watched while you two leave, and it still failed to produce results?
> 
> If so, take a stand for yourself. Give him two options, counseling or divorce. Nothing like a wake-up call to us cheaters (I had an emotional affair).


 i have done everything i always tell him if hes not in love with me just leve dont lead me on till the nxt best thing comes along.... Just to get a guys point of view if you dont mind. Y didnt you just spilt with you other half insead of cheating i only ask to try and kinda find out whats going on in his mind


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You have to put the divorce papers on the table to make it a reality option, otherwise it's just talk. We cheaters will play you out until you call our bluff.

In my case, I didn't plan on having an EA. Like most EA's, mine started as friends. Then I let my emotions take over and pursued her (she is divorced). There was nothing wrong with my marriage other than it maybe being stale (see my posts). I had no previous desire to end my marriage. I probably had my EA to address some unresolved issues from my younger years. It was an ego boost to say the least. We both knew it was wrong. I was caught. My life will never be the same. And I blame one person...me. 

My wife forgave me in two days, and we are working on saving the marriage. She's already moved past it. I'm stuck. I'm in counseling now to find out why I did it, and hopefully answer many more questions that I have now. Also, I have no contact with the other woman.

Feel free to ask me more questions if you would like.


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## mummyof2 (Oct 10, 2011)

That what i said to him you might only be chatting now but chatting leads to meeting and meeting lead to a hug then a kiss then the dirty.
on top of that i feel un attractive nowand like a mug for forgiving every damn time.
But i do like what you said i will get the papers and even fill them in because im only 23 i dont want to waste my life being unhappy and mrs doormat


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Don't waste your life being unhappy. You are still very young, and will get past this. 

He's either going to agree to the divorce, or plead for another chance. It's your choice too. If you want to give him a chance, he has to agree to your rules of transparency and boundaries you establish. I suggest you visit the Coping with Fidelity forum and read up on boundaries, and write down exactly what you expect from him if he really wants a chance. Put the two documents by each other. 

Here's what I do: Complete transparency with texts, call, emails (complete with logins and passwords), and anything else used to communicate electronically. No Facebook, or other social site logins. Accountable for all of my time.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

mummyof2 said:


> That what i said to him you might only be chatting now but chatting leads to meeting and meeting lead to a hug then a kiss then the dirty.
> on top of that i feel un attractive nowand like a mug for forgiving every damn time.
> But i do like what you said i will get the papers and even fill them in because im only 23 i dont want to waste my life being unhappy and mrs doormat


When I was your age, I kicked my BF out. We had 2 small boys, 2 and 4 years old. I had no job. I warned him I would do it. I gave him a firm date. And on that date, I put his stuff, which filled 2 garbage bags, outside in the snow. I just couldn't put up with his drinking, drug use, or philandering. I remember thinking at the time, how I didn't want to wake up in 20 years wishing I'd thrown the bum out...

It wasn't easy at times, but I made it, without a flippin' nickel from him, either.

Time to take out the trash.


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