# mixed emotions about getting married



## bobjsmith7676 (Sep 5, 2008)

i have been dedicated to chastity and marriage for eight years ever since i became religious, being a male that is nearly impossible. i have never even come close to entering into a fulfilling relationship during that whole time though i have wanted to desperately. i'm now in a relationship with a woman who i'm 98% sure wants to get married and with whom marriage could quite possibly work. there are problems however. she's egyptian and her english is right on the borderline between good and not good enough. i write poetry of a very difficult sort and one of my lifelong dreams was to read and enjoy poetry together with my wife but with her english that probably won't be possible for another 2 years. we also have difficulty understanding each other in conversation and some topics i can't talk about because i know she won't understand them. i love to talk yet sometimes i feel that i'm censoring myself. then there is the culture barrier. i love to talk about politics, history, literature but if i were to say the words homer, frederick douglas, or ralph nader she wouldn't know what i was talking about. the other problem is that i'm not as deep in love as i dreamed i would be. we've only been talking to each other for a month and i tell myself to be patient but i clearly am not even close to being as love as i once was with women who did not love me. i know you might be thinking: what's the problem? why are you even in the relationship? but this women is extremely beautiful and 99 out of a 100 men in this country (egypt) would kill to have this woman and i myself keep fantasizing about married life with her day and night. yet i have very mixed emotions. i also tell myself that thousands if not millions have entered into marriage with mixed emotions and eventually it worked out fine. i should also add that she is rather intelligent since she has a master's degree and works as chemical engineer. we're both 31.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my opinion - i think you both need to develop your relationship first. 
from your thread it sounds like your going on more than whats on the inside.
her looks, intelligent levels, job etc. and what does this prove - shes pretty and clever.
from your mixed emotions, censoring yourself, not feeling that love feeling (inside) . fantasy is not the same as reality.
when you meet someone. you accept them for what they are. beauty is only skin deep.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Saying she is intelligent shos he has noticed a bit on the inside. hat about loving and caring though? How kind is she?

I do she issue with the fact that a large part of your post is dedicated to her beauty. Not that looks don't attract us to our SO, but looks can fade.

draconis


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Since you love to talk and have always dreamed of reading, writing, and sharing poetry with your spouse you are going to feel very cheated in this relationship-and so is she. i dont think she wants someone to marry her because she's pretty and smart. You fantasize about what your married days are going to be like with her but im going to guess that she's going to pick up on the fact that you dont necessarily love all of her and she will also get resentful. There will not be a lot of good nights, if you know what i mean.


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## Channy (Aug 25, 2008)

Also it shouldn't be about how many other men would die to be with her... it should be about how much YOU want to be with her, and not for just her looks although yes they do play a part. It has to be everything. 

We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. -Sam Keen


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## waterfall~ (Sep 8, 2008)

bob,

I've got two kids who just got married.....and I'll tell you what I told them: Date for TWO years minimum before even considering marriage. Why? Well that's how long it takes for your biochemistry to get past infatuation and enter the attachment phase of love where you can see the flaws as well as the fantasy. Mixed cultural marriages have many challenges....and poetry is just a scratch on the surface. Take your time and see what develops (including her English) in the next two years. 

Good luck and congratulations on your strong convictions regarding sexual responsibility.


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