# husband thinks we should divorce



## lily123 (Aug 31, 2010)

i am 20 and my husband is almost 22. we got married after only dateing for 4 months we have been married for 7 and a half months. we got married at the courthouse and we were planning on having a wedding after his deployment to Afgan. We are like best friends, we get a long great, we love all the same things, and we love eachother very much. he is deploying in 3 weeks and he thinks it is best for both of us to get a divorce. he broke the news to me when we were in ohio visiting his family. and we have been talking about it for about a week now. this is the third time he talk to me about wanting a divorce.
his reasoning is when we first met he told me a bunch of lies about himself and slowly the truth of one of the lies will come out... finally after almost a year of being together i know the truth of every lie he has ever told me. i know it should have be really hard for me to trust him and forgive him but i do. i love him just as much as i always have. i forgave him for everything but he can't come forgive himself. everytime he looks at me he feels ashamed and discusted with himself and he can't stand it anymore. he wants to brake up and start his life again with a clean start while we remain friends.
he also doesn't think he can give me the life i deserve. he comes from poor ohio farmstock and didn't go to college and i come from wealthy california living and am going to college. he says i will never again live the way i've been living if i stay with him and he likes his way of living. he doesn't want a fancy desk job. he wants a simple job than is anough to provide him with only the things he needs. i tell him i dont need anything fancy, i am fine with a simple lifestyle in ohio as long as i have the love and care of a family. he doesn't beilve me.
his mind is set on a divorce and no matter what i say or promise, he always goes back to wanting a divorce. i know he loves me and i don't know what to do. my gut is telling me that he is the only man for me and not to let him go, but getting a divorce makes sence. i have never been more happy in my life then when im with him but him keep bringing up divorce has made me feel the most hurt i've ever felt in my life and i can't take it anymore.
should i just go along with the divorce or should i try to fight it?


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Well I dont know the laws of the state your in but here you could get an anulment for a marriage less than a year.


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## sadandtired (Sep 2, 2010)

He is probably still lieing to you. If he keeps bringing up a divorce, it's because he wants one, not because of all that other stuff he's been feeding you to cushion it all. All that other stuff may still be partly true but it's not the whole truth. 

Look, if you both really love each other so much and you're perfect for each other, then give him the divorce and both of you can pick up again when he's back from overseas. If it's truly meant to be, you'll wait for each other.


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## californianredhead (Aug 19, 2010)

I hope he truly believes what he is telling you, otherwise he is just out-right lying again. Sounds like B.S to me my dear. Something is going on in his head and you don't have a hope of fixing it until he can be honest with you and himself.

I wish you luck.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I find his reasons to be suspicious, but you know him better than we do (or do you? considering he lied to you, and you didn't know each other that well when you got married), so I won't address that. I'll address whether or not you should give him the divorce. 

The thing about divorce is that in most states, I believe, you can get a divorce even if your spouse isn't willing; it's called a contested divorce. It might take a little longer, cost a little more, but if someone is determined, they can still get the divorce. So, even if you refuse, he can still try to go ahead with it. 

The other side to this, though, and someone who's been in the military will have to confirm, but from my understanding, someone who is deployed or about to be deployed can't file, nor can their spouse. Emotions are so...volatile when you are about to go to a war zone, and also the fact that they need to fully focus on being there and staying safe, that divorce isn't a good idea. Now, again, I don't know for a fact that this is the case, but my cousin's husband was in the military and this is what they told me. They could have been stating rumor as fact, or perhaps it's just a suggestion the military makes, but I'd look into that. 

Even if there's nothing that says you can't get a divorce while he's deployed, or just before...again, deployment can make emotions go haywire. I mean, think about it..if you knew you were going to a place where not only might you die, but you might have to kill someone else, or watch your friends die, wouldn't you feel a little crazy? So, what *I* would do is I would suggest to him that he needs to be fully focused on his deployment. I would ask him to shelve the divorce idea until he comes home. Tell him when he gets back you guys can revisit the idea then. When he gets back, then you can suggest that he needs time to readjust and decompress, and ask him to give it 6 months or a year and see how he feels. That's some time in which you guys can get used to each other again, and see if you can make it work. 

In the end, though, no matter what you say, no matter what you ask, no matter what he may agree to, in the end it still may lead to divorce. You need to prepare yourself for that.


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