# Why?



## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

Why am I not good enough? 35 years old and nothing but a string of failed relationships, 2 failed marriages.... Why after 10 years does he decide that there might be something better out there? I've never been good enough for anyone, my whole life. I'm not going to survive this. And all he can say is "we just want different things right now". UM, YOU HAVE A FAMILY [email protected]@HOLE! How can you not want your family? What did I do that was so awful? I cook, clean, do everything for the kids, give him 100% of my love and support, give him what he wants whenever I can. I'm honest, trustworthy. What the hell? Please, somebody, help me understand. I'm dying inside.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Sorry you are feeling so badly. You can't be hard on yourself like that. You are probably a wonderful person. Sounds like you are very selfless, and have done everything you can to make things good. Sometimes there is no understanding another person, I don't understand my wife alot of the time. All you can do is work on you. Maybe the failed relationships are because you are always attracted to the same type of guy, which will lead to the same conclusion each time. Who knows? You need to know that you are a good person and really know it inside. The old saying is true, you have to love yourself before somebody else can love you. I hope deep down that you love yourself, and know that you are worth somebody else's love as well. You can make it through all of this, just have to be strong, hang in there and keep going ahead one day at a time, it will get easier.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

cantletgo,

I like the name you have chosen... sorry that you find yourself in this situation.. It does hurt and confuses the heck out of you.... I have gone through a similar situation after many years with my ex. wife 16 to be exact when I heard the words... "I dont love you anymore" hardest thing I ever went through.. Like your name I thought I couldnt let go.... But I did, I didnt want too, but I had to... No since keeping the love for someone who could throw it away so easily, find yourself again... I quote you from above....... " I've never been good enough for anyone".. Your good enough for YOURSELF !!! Like Hurtin unit said.. you must love yourself first.. its hard I know, when you have become accustomed to giving so much to someone else its hard to do the same for yourself, but you must, he is gone so let him go... Why do you want someone in your life that could so easily hurt you, care less for your feelings and only concern himself with how he feels..... 

Not someone you need or should even want in your life..... You have been given a second chance to really find the man who's right for you......Learn from this, read up on relationships, co-dependancy, use this as a motivating tool to live the best life that you can........ its within you *Iletgo*

no more cantletgo.....because you can !!! and in time you will..
if you need an ear drop a line.. always hoping to help others like they helped me....... you will be in my prayers Iletgo... 

Skin......


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

In the beginning he was different than any man I had ever dated or even known. But I guess in the end they're all the same. Always looking for the bigger better thing. All I can hope for is that he will one day have to live with soul crushing regret.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

What do you do for yourself?? I get having kids and making them the priority, but I have never seen my H so happy as when I told him I was going back to school to get a degree. He honestly breathed a sigh of relief and told me FINALLY do something for yourself. Doing everything for him was "nice" but doing something for me was "fantastic". This also gives him a chance to grow knowing that he is going to be NEEDED more. Not wanted to help, NEEDED because I will have school. It's letting him grow. 

Get out there and take care of yourself and your kids. Grow with it all. Not all men are that way, just feels like it sometimes!


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

cantletgo said:


> In the beginning he was different than any man I had ever dated or even known. But I guess in the end they're all the same. Always looking for the bigger better thing. All I can hope for is that he will one day have to live with soul crushing regret.



Have hope for yourself cantletgo,

concentrate on you, use the anger and bitterness now, to make a great life for yourself and your kids.. but in the end let it go... Dont worry about him and whether or not he will ever regret this...He is longer someone you should worry about... You might always care for him but dont worry or think about the "what if's" any longer...

Your children need you at the best you can be....... use them as motivation to give them the best Mom that you can....... And btw were not all like that..........

best wishes .......
Skin....


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

Thanks, I'm just in such a dark, painful place right now that I can't see the light. I'm ok around my kids, except that I lose the ability to breathe when I think about their daddy walking out on them. It's hard to just let go when you have put so much time and effort into loving someone. And I have a hard time accepting this when I think about how it used to be. When it was good it was amazing. I know that I can't go back and I have to move forward, it's just proving to be a lot harder than I thought. Thanks for all the support and kind words though.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

The dark place your in is natural for something like this and will eventually go away... You would be surprised with how resilient your children will be.. My relationship with my youngest daughter is so much better since my divorce, as the one she shares with her mom goes downhill.. Dont let the thoughts of "how could" he or "why" go through your head..The good ole time memories can be saved for later.... Here is a little tip that I used when it was all so fresh.. I placed a rubber band around my wrist, when a thought of my ex came to mind, I snapped it a few times.. making sure that it hurt.. eventually you wont need to snap it, you can wear it as a reminder of just how far you have come....... I have faith in you *Iletgo*....

have some in yourself..... 

Skin........


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

cantletgo-I am so sorry you are going thru this but I must say...I knew there was a reason I logged on here several times today. Today has been one of the worst days since my separation and I feel the same way you do! I am so lost while he is sooooo happy without me! 
Wish I had more advice but I believe you have already received some pretty awesome advice.


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I hung out with a mutual friend of ours, a guy I've known longer than my H but he's good friends with him. He is disgusted and upset with him, so are about half his friends. He even told me that he tried talking to my H, who basically ignored him and was off in his own world. He said he doesn't know who my H is anymore either. I feel sad for my H in a way, I have a ton of friends that love me, and his friends are slowly pulling away from him. He's gonna look around one day and realize that he's all alone. 

Plus I made a new friend tonight. He is not someone I would normally date, and I'm not dating him now, but he was really nice and great to talk with. My H isn't much of a talker, so it was fun. It was flirtatious but harmless, and I enjoyed the hell out of it, he's cute and 8 years younger than me. Way to go me!!! Just an ego boost, much needed.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Cantletgo, I would like you to do me one small favor. I would like you to reread all of your posts on this thread, and then take a moment and see if you can answer the question why it is a very bad idea for you to "date" anyone right now. Can you say re-bound. How about "super ball" bounce.

I know it's hard, but making another mistake is not the way to solve your immediate problem. Simplify your life. Help patch up the wholes in your kids hearts and tend to their needs now. I know your lonely, but dating is probably the second worst thing you could do right now. I believe starting yourself on fire would be the first, but it's close . 

Please put out all of the fires in your life and your kids life before you go looking for more gasoline. They need you right now, and not anymore distracted than you currently are. God bless, and hang in there.

LIL


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

LIL, don't worry, no dating or intimacy with anyone else yet. It was just nice to be wanted again. This person lives 30 minutes away and the only time I'll ever see him is when I go visit my best friend, because he's her neighbor. I have made enough mistakes in my life to be able to recognize them before I make them. But part of me wants to just do something, after all, I was given permission by my H to date other people. Yet, I am not like him, and do have morals, and I respect the vows I took, so it's not going to happen.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I hear you CLG, it is nice to feel wanted again after years of neglect. I have read that there are about 3 and a half billion womenon this planet. Personally, I intend to meet a bunch of them before I get serious about choosing another partner.

I met my current wife when I was 18, and we married at 21. We're both 40 now,but neither of us really "researched" the other. I think the relationship "worked" because I was gone a lot in the service. Had I sepnt more "day-to-day time with her, I think I would have quickly realized she lacked direction and was a tad mentally unstable. It is a mistake I won't make twice.

Good luck with your flirting CLG, and congratulations on realizing that our spouse is not whom we are ultimately accountable to.

LIL


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I told my H Sunday night about my new friend. Told him that I had met someone who liked me. He didn't really care. Nothing has happened, except that he has called me every day since this past Friday. Just to see if I'm ok. I know it's wrong, please don't judge me. However, I do not lie or sneak around, so I felt like I had to tell him this person is calling me. He barely responded. He just said, "Oh, ok. Is that all?" Really? Wow. So now it's out there, no big deal.


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