# What does this mean?



## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

I still regularly scan my wife's texts to see if she's still talking to her co-worker. Things seem to have died down there, which is good. But I came across a conversation between my wife and her sister-in-law. This is the comment my wife made which disturbs me:

Wife: If my husband doesn't stop smoking he may die early. If he does I will probably become a hoe with men and women. I think God knows this which is why I'll probably be the first to go LOL

Should I be alarmed at such a comment? Granted if I die I'll be dead so I shouldn't care what she does after I'm gone. But what it makes me wonder is if she's wishing that she could be with other people sexually, both men and women, right now, but won't because she's married to me. I dunno, maybe I'm reading too much into this. 

Women, I'd be interested in your perspective of the comment. Men, would this comment alarm you, coming from your wife?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would take it to mean that she respects you and your marriage. So she won't do that as long as she's married to you.

It's probably just what we would think of as 'locker room' talk. Meaning that she just saying something outrageous to be funny.


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

It's just a comment. I have joked like that with my bff and even my own husband in the past. Not that graphic but along those lines. Don't worry.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I would take it to mean that she respects you and your marriage. So she won't do that as long as she's married to you.
> 
> It's probably just what we would think of as 'locker room' talk. Meaning that she just saying something outrageous to be funny.


Thanks for the quick reply, EleGirl.. And that does make me feel better. I need to stop being such a worry-wart and start trusting in her. As much as I've gone through her phone and her conversations she's never done or said anything that indicates she's being unfaithful to me. She doesn't have any "social" apps on her phone or her computer or iPad except for Facebook. I guess I'm still suffering from PTSD due to my ex-wife cheating on me when we were married. Doesn't justify my jealousy, so maybe I need counseling.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

it means stop smoking...and live a healthy lifestyle it may do wonders for you


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Xenote said:


> it means stop smoking...and live a healthy lifestyle it may do wonders for you


I agree with this whole-heartedly. I am trying to quit. I don't smoke cigarettes, only cigars. That doesn't make it better for you, I know. I'm finding that quitting is tough!


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

hifromme67 said:


> It's just a comment. I have joked like that with my bff and even my own husband in the past. Not that graphic but along those lines. Don't worry.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You've joked about being with other men and/or women if the hubby dies? Well, that does make me feel better that my wife isn't the only one who says things like that. Thank you for the reply.


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

CanadaDry said:


> You've joked about being with other men and/or women if the hubby dies? Well, that does make me feel better that my wife isn't the only one who says things like that. Thank you for the reply.




Like he will say "I bet as soon as I die you will sleep around and even give them my clothes". We do it jokingly. 


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I think there is more to it then that. The implication is that she is going to get "screwed" dying first and miss out on sleeping around. Check your brakes bro.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

hifromme67 said:


> Like he will say "I bet as soon as I die you will sleep around and even give them my clothes". We do it jokingly.


We joke around like that. If I said that, she'd probably say, "They won't need clothes."


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

My wife is LD so she would never say that. I, on the other hand, would do it, but I would never say it to my spouse. To me, it sounds like you can't wait for them to die so you can screw around. Since she said it to your SIL and not you, I wouldn't worry too much. 

Seriously, give up the smoking. It's bad for you. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If she knows you are reading her messages I would bet she wanted you to see that to motivate you to stop smoking.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Cooper said:


> If she knows you are reading her messages I would bet she wanted you to see that to motivate you to stop smoking.


Interesting. That's a good point I had not thought about. I don't think she knows I'm reading them, but I could very well be wrong. Either way, I'm committed to not smoking anymore. I've been chewing this damn nicotine gum for the last few days.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

My sisters and I have definitely made these sort of jokes amongst ourselves and with our partners. It's usually something to the effect that we'd immediately get a super hot girlfriend if our relationships ended. I've joked with my last partner that I'd become a real b**** or a high end escort if we broke up. 

I'm not sure why exactly these are things women joke about. I guess it's part of the same reason women flock to watch a movie like Shades of Grey although they're more vanilla in bed and with their sexuality in general.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> I still regularly scan my wife's texts to see if she's still talking to her co-worker. Things seem to have died down there, which is good. But I came across a conversation between my wife and her sister-in-law. This is the comment my wife made which disturbs me:
> 
> Wife: If my husband doesn't stop smoking he may die early. If he does I will probably become a hoe with men and women. I think God knows this which is why I'll probably be the first to go LOL
> 
> ...


Stop smoking. 

Stop Smoking the Easy Way. Roger Carr. Buy it. Read it. Stop smoking.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> You've joked about being with other men and/or women if the hubby dies? Well, that does make me feel better that my wife isn't the only one who says things like that. Thank you for the reply.


My W and I have not joked around about being with another if one dies. In fact, the conversation went on last night concerning who goes first. My W said to miss her for a year then I may go find another. I said if I go first she my find another when she felt it was right. No where in the conversation did either of us say we would hoe around with every Tom, Harry and Jane. Just sound disrespectful to me.


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> My W and I have not joked around about being with another if one dies. In fact, the conversation went on last night concerning who goes first. My W said to miss her for a year then I may go find another. I said if I go first she my find another when she felt it was right. No where in the conversation did either of us say we would hoe around with every Tom, Harry and Jane. Just sound disrespectful to me.




It is done in a joking manner. Of course we have also talked in a serious manner about dating/remarriage after one of us passes. When we discuss it in this way, it brings me to tears to know that someday he may go first and I will be without him.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

CanadaDry said:


> I agree with this whole-heartedly. I am trying to quit. I don't smoke cigarettes, only cigars. That doesn't make it better for you, I know. I'm finding that quitting is tough!



The thing with cigars.........no I don't want to go there!

Tobacco leaves a stench on your clothes, your face, your car.

Cigars? That smell is much worse. It may be macho, no...it is macho to many.

Macho to you, "not cho" when she looks for lips to kiss, a neck to nip. I would not do "anything" that would lessen my odds of getting laid. I mean nada, nicht, not a G..Damn thing!


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> The thing with cigars.........no I don't want to go there!
> 
> Tobacco leaves a stench on your clothes, your face, your car.
> 
> ...


Well, I should be ashamed for smoking in the first place. My wife's mom died of lung cancer from many years of smoking. She says she hates the smell because "smoke is smoke" and reminds her of her mother. Plus she hates the smell and doesn't want me to die young. It's disrespectful of me to continue smoking (that's my own opinion). I've been trying to quit for a while now, but it's so damn hard. Maybe seeing these posts about quitting smoking on TAM and the thread I saw between my wife and her sister-in-law is the kick in the ass I need to drop this nasty habit for good.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

CanadaDry said:


> Well, I should be ashamed for smoking in the first place. My wife's mom died of lung cancer from many years of smoking. She says she hates the smell because "smoke is smoke" and reminds her of her mother. Plus she hates the smell and doesn't want me to die young. It's disrespectful of me to continue smoking (that's my own opinion). I've been trying to quit for a while now, but it's so damn hard. Maybe seeing these posts about quitting smoking on TAM and the thread I saw between my wife and her sister-in-law is the kick in the ass I need to drop this nasty habit for good.


Right.

My mother was always a skinny lady, a skinny soul. When she died of lung cancer, the pall bearers commented: "Are you sure she is inside the coffin?". That hurt.

When she died she weighed 75 lbs. She suffered immensely for two lonnnngg years. Morphine at the end days, made her go mad, totally out of her mind.

Puff if you must. When your lungs fail you will die for one good breath of fresh air....... without an oxygen tank assisting.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

CanadaDry said:


> Well, I should be ashamed for smoking in the first place. My wife's mom died of lung cancer from many years of smoking. She says she hates the smell because "smoke is smoke" and reminds her of her mother. Plus she hates the smell and doesn't want me to die young. It's disrespectful of me to continue smoking (that's my own opinion). I've been trying to quit for a while now, but it's so damn hard. Maybe seeing these posts about quitting smoking on TAM and the thread I saw between my wife and her sister-in-law is the kick in the ass I need to drop this nasty habit for good.


Both my parents died primarily from emphysema, both smoked unfiltered PallMalls. They both spent the last couple years of their life choking to death on their own phlegm, a very ugly death.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Hate to rain on your feel good parade, but we are talking about your wife that was carrying on inappropriate text messages with a coworker right. Then she says this to your SIL. 

Yes this is what she wants to do. 

Who would say something like that and not mean it. 

Has your wife the entire time you have known her ever joke like this? Even close to this?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> Well, I should be ashamed for smoking in the first place. My wife's mom died of lung cancer from many years of smoking. She says she hates the smell because "smoke is smoke" and reminds her of her mother. Plus she hates the smell and doesn't want me to die young. It's disrespectful of me to continue smoking (that's my own opinion). I've been trying to quit for a while now, but it's so damn hard. Maybe seeing these posts about quitting smoking on TAM and the thread I saw between my wife and her sister-in-law is the kick in the ass I need to drop this nasty habit for good.


Please purchase the book Stop Smoking the Easy Way. Carr. It is like $10.00 on Amazon. My W and I read the book. By the time my W got to the chapter on what cigarettes do to the body she completely quit. I read the entire book. By the last chapter I was done with smoking. The author reverse engineers your thinking towards cigarettes. It worked for us. It will work for you. Cold turkey and we have been for over 6 years now. Saved enough from not buying smokes to take all four of us to Disney for a week. 

Cigarettes are not stress relievers. They cause more stress. How? Think about it...on the way home your brain is saying, "Do I have enough cigarettes to last the night? Do I have money to buy more? Is the store open? Do they have my brand?" These are all stressers. This is part of how the author of the book makes you rethink smoking.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

ABHale said:


> Hate to rain on your feel good parade, but we are talking about your wife that was carrying on inappropriate text messages with a coworker right.


Well, she never said anything inappropriate to her co-worker, though he has tried flirting with her. Her conversations with him usually revolve around work. But I've never caught her actually saying anything inappropriate to him.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

The thing is it was allowing them the bond. She never put a stop to it until.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Yeswecan said:


> Please purchase the book Stop Smoking the Easy Way. Carr. It is like $10.00 on Amazon. My W and I read the book. By the time my W got to the chapter on what cigarettes do to the body she completely quit. I read the entire book. By the last chapter I was done with smoking. The author reverse engineers your thinking towards cigarettes. It worked for us. It will work for you. Cold turkey and we have been for over 6 years now. Saved enough from not buying smokes to take all four of us to Disney for a week.
> 
> Cigarettes are not stress relievers. They cause more stress. How? Think about it...on the way home your brain is saying, "Do I have enough cigarettes to last the night? Do I have money to buy more? Is the store open? Do they have my brand?" These are all stressers. This is part of how the author of the book makes you rethink smoking.


Thanks for this book suggestion. I'm checking it out on Amazon right now.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Also, good luck on the quitting. I stopped 27 years ago. It was hard but my wife has my back. I was rewarded for good behavior. 

This is why I guess I had a negative view of this. My wife helped me quite, yours is joking about you dying so she can be a hoe.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think she was just joking around, although I can understand if you have a history of suspect behavior with her with other men, that you'd take it a bit more seriously. There are thoughts we should keep to ourselves, I'm sure you think things that you probably wouldn't want your wife to know. Fleeting thoughts of an impure nature? lol I wouldn't read into this too much, and hope you stick with quitting smoking.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@CanadaDry you should stop smoking. Then see what she says!


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## Síocháin (Mar 11, 2016)

I think that sometimes when we think about losing someone we love, we can't process the fear that comes with that. My STBXH use to tell everyone how much money I would have when he died and make a joke of it. I think it's a fear that is dealt with by using humor and being flip.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Stop smoking.
> 
> Stop Smoking the Easy Way. Roger Carr. Buy it. Read it. Stop smoking.



Yes, this. But it's Allen Carr, not Roger 

I'm planning on reading it by the end of the month. I used it before, it works great. I was just stupid and started again, so it's time to kick the habit for good. Want a quitting buddy, @CanadaDry?


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, this. But it's Allen Carr, not Roger
> 
> I'm planning on reading it by the end of the month. I used it before, it works great. I was just stupid and started again, so it's time to kick the habit for good. Want a quitting buddy, @CanadaDry?


Yes, I'd love a quitting buddy! I'm on my third day with no smokes. I chew nicotine gum to pass the cravings, so those aren't so bad, but when I'm sitting at home on the patio and reading I miss having a cigar in my hand.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

CanadaDry said:


> Yes, I'd love a quitting buddy! I'm on my third day with no smokes. I chew nicotine gum to pass the cravings, so those aren't so bad, but when I'm sitting at home on the patio and reading I miss having a cigar in my hand.


Well, I'm a little behind you right now, but I will catch up!


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## In2thewoods (Jan 25, 2017)

Hi, I've tried to post a few times (Im pretty new to TAM), and it hasn't worked, I click 'post reply' and "poof" --the wonderful thoughtful advice I spent a half hour on vanishes... so here goes again.
I agree that it's probably just "locker room" talk; my DH and I banter like that occasionally (married 16 years). I don't know if I'm weird, but I've suggested women I trust that he can date if I die, and I've told him I definitely want him to be happy and not feel bad about 'getting back out there'.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

In2thewoods said:


> Hi, I've tried to post a few times (Im pretty new to TAM), and it hasn't worked, I click 'post reply' and "poof" --the wonderful thoughtful advice I spent a half hour on vanishes... so here goes again.
> I agree that it's probably just "locker room" talk; my DH and I banter like that occasionally (married 16 years). I don't know if I'm weird, but I've suggested women I trust that he can date if I die, and I've told him I definitely want him to be happy and not feel bad about 'getting back out there'.


Two tips:

1) When you log in, click the little box "Remember Me". That way, you'll be continuously logged in. TAM won't log you out for perceived "inactivity" (which I think means not enough clicks over a certain period of time).

2) If you write a long post, before you click "submit" make sure you copy the whole thing, just in case. If I know I'm going to write a long post, I'll sometimes write the post in Notepad or something else, and then copy/paste it into TAM.

BONUS (not a tip because it doesn't always work, it may be browser dependent): Sometimes, when I think I've lost a post like that, I click the "back" button on the browser, and it's still there! When that happens, copy the text and paste it into Notepad or Word. Do NOT click "submit" because you'll lose the post. Go back to the original thread, refresh the page, and THEN just start a new reply/comment and past your text into it.

Sorry for the threadjack, y'all! This has been your daily PSA for FIP. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.


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## In2thewoods (Jan 25, 2017)

Thanks FemInPink! Now, to decode all the acronyms....


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

In2thewoods said:


> Thanks FemInPink! Now, to decode all the acronyms....


When you see one, just ask. There's a sticky thread somewhere that has all of them, but I don't know where it is...


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

abbreviations-acronyms:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/464-common-message-board-abbreviations-acronyms.html

They are out-dated. D-Day is Discovery Day, not "Divorce Day". D-Day is not when you first get hints of cheating, its when you know for sure and the WS has confessed or cannot deny and all hell has broken loose.

POSOM (not included on page one at least) = Piece Of Sh~ Other Man


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

At CanadaDry : Sounds like joking around. Take it as the humor it is. 
Lets put it this way, my dad made a comment to me once "That woman is hot!" while driving. I told him as a joke (Its a guy), he said "I don't care". I doubt he ever had sex with any man... it was only sillyness.

Bigger issue is your smoking. If you have to, go try Vaping. You can get some cigar flavors. While it's not a perfect solution - it's cheaper and healthier for her, your kids and you.

Go to this place: https://vapenw.com 
Start simple, figure things out (look at youtube videos) and go from there. I'd go with his (full kit $40) for an excellent starter: https://vapenw.com/start-kit/rx75w-by-wismec

You can vape, and you, your clothes, your car, your home, your breathe won't stink.


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