# Overwhelmed and Almost Done



## newentirelife (Jun 1, 2019)

We've had 15 years of marriage, 12 of which I've nursed him through recovery for his many illnesses stemming from an accident, surgery, infections and addiction to pain medications, and even incarceration because of bad financial decisions. 

I got a settlement and he talks me into moving halfway across the country to build a business in a rural community. 

First of all, he would not listen to reason and do some basic research on the property. When I suggested key things, it was a fight so I dropped it, and things fell completely apart because of it. 

Now we have a LOT of land a no money to build anything and my medical settlement is all gone on this property. I have to go back to work full-time to pay the bills.

He is on disability but believes the Lord healed him because he got feeling back in his feet. I ask if he is healed, why is he staying on disability and I now have to go back to full-time work when I had a high-dollar settlement that was blown on a worthless property and he gets to stay home and "build a farm". 

It just doesn't seem right. Not to mention how much he has changed. We started going to church here but he became super religious, reading the bible for hours a day, going to church 3 times an week and expecting me to go as well and talking about God all the time. 

He grew up in a very religious household and always felt his parents went overboard, and now he is acting like them and says that is what God wants. It's only been since we loved away from all my friends and family that this change happened and I feel overwhelmed and like I am married to a stranger. 

It's not that he is bad but he makes me feel judged and quotes scripture at me all the time. 

Every conversation is an opportunity to bring up God and he says "God wants your whole heart and your whole life". I feel like I moved 2000 miles from home to be married to a minister and it's squashing my own spiritual progress that I was just starting to make. He walks away every time I try to tell him how I feel. 

When I tell him maybe we need some time apart he says "Fine", so he doesn't seem to care how this is impacting me at all. 

Am I being unreasonable and is this just another phase with him? 

I'm just tired of our entire marriage being about supporting him but never me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. What I wonder is why you are still with him. 

You seem to give him a lot of leeway and power over you. All you need to do is to stop giving him that power. If you do not like the current situation, get a lawyer, force the sale of the land and divorce him. He's a leach who is using you as his bank. He think's God wants him to stay home while you go out and get a job? I'd say that what God wants is for you to show him what humility is and force the sale of the land, leave him, and let him learn to take care of himself.


Do you have family and friends who you can talk to?


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I will tell you girl leave him now . get together what money you can and go back home . once there get a lawyer and get a divorce asap . if he ask why tell him god told you to do it . and walk out the door .


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Trust yourself. Get out. Your instincts are right. I’ve encountered such people in my own family. When my brother received an insurance settlement for property damage to a house that my father owned (my brother was living there), he kept it, stating that “he prayed about it and that’s what God told him to do” I called bull**** he returned the money. People who use God as the answer to all sorts of bad behaviours are disrespectful. I agree with other posters. Go home. File for divorce and try to recoup what u can. This isn’t going to get better. Sorry.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Even the Devil can quote scriptures.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

newentirelife said:


> We've had 15 years of marriage, 12 of which I've nursed him through recovery for his many illnesses stemming from an accident, surgery, infections and addiction to pain medications, and even incarceration because of bad financial decisions.
> 
> I got a settlement and he talks me into moving halfway across the country to build a business in a rural community.
> 
> ...


Oh hell no. He doesn't get to suck you dry and hide behind religion while you bust your ass to keep the lights on. He is being a typical dead beat because his mommy wife has been there to foot the bill. Marriage is a partner ship and you are living with a parasite who is trying to manipulate you. I am sure its wonderful getting to read all day, go to church, and fart around. That is what retirement is for and he isn't there yet. 

You need to divorce him and sell that ridiculous piece of land to the highest bidder. God doesn't like laziness either.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

God's will my azz. He is a mooch and is manipulative. I agree that you need to force the sale of the land and move back to where you want to live. He has been having his way for too long. Since her doesn't consider your needs you have to do it yourself.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Dump and run !!!!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

newentirelife said:


> When I suggested key things, it was a fight so I dropped it, and things fell completely apart because of it.


It sounds like your entire marriage you've allowed this fool to influence you into making *BAD, BAD* decisions.



> Now we have a LOT of land a no money to build anything and my medical settlement is all gone on this property. I have to go back to work full-time to pay the bills.


Of course you do. Who else BUT you has ever done the heavy lifting in this farce of a marriage?

Have you ever heard the expression "an albatross around the neck?" That's what your husband is. He's an albatross around your neck and *has* been since the day you married him. All you've done is try to 'fix' this guy. Is that all you feel you deserve in life? To exist just to service him and nurse him and sacrifice for him and placate him and pander to him and live your whole damned life for him?

I can only assume you're severely co-dependent because I can't imagine any other reason you'd still be with him and more, why you'd allow this fool to dictate to you how you should spend your settlement money. Jeez, he's the *last* person on earth you should be taking financial 'advice' from considering he went to jail for making "bad financial decisions." I wouldn't let him balance my checkbook much less dictate how I should spend thousands and thousands of dollars.









I just don't understand your *need* to continually pander to this guy. He's like a failed human science experiment.



> When I tell him maybe we need some time apart he says "Fine", so he doesn't seem to care how this is impacting me at all.


You REALLY don't see this for the *gift* that it is, do you? That has to be the co-dependency blinding you to the light at the end of the tunnel that's just waiting for you!

Since he's had a 'calling,' maybe it's time for him to start doing the Lord's work, now. I'd tell him that his calling is to serve the Lord and he should join a traveling Church (is there such a thing?) and tour the country. You know those types that wear the white patent leather shoes and slick up their hair and have "miracle healings," and maybe roll around on a few snakes in those big circus tents they set up in little backwater towns where the people actually believe that nonsense? Maybe THAT'S his calling.

_*Your*_ 'calling' should be the first divorce lawyer's office with which you can get an appointment.


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