# Building Barriers where there are none.



## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

So my husband and I have decided to get divorced. However, he must save up the money he needs to move out and get a place. Which means: do that and pay the bills we already do now, he will need to get a second job. This is going to take some time. 

We also will have to sleep in the same bed. There is no other option really, the futon in the guest room is uncomfortable and I'm too nice to force him to sleep on it. I love him, and I don't want his back problems to reoccur. 

So my question is to all of you out there who have gone through a separation but had to live together for a while like we do. We both know we're getting divorced, but have never gone through something like this. *How do we build barriers where there are none without making the other person feel uncomfortable or rejected?* We still love each other very much, and that makes it hard to build these walls, that we both know should get in place. 

This situation might seem odd, but trust me, we need to separate. I'm just curious how to make our current situation bearable and keep it from being awkward in these upcoming months.


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## stalemate (May 13, 2010)

I went through a similar set of circumstances when I divorced. We owned a house together that neither of us could afford on our own. We agreed that it had to sell before either of us could move out in order to prevent destroying our credit ratings.

We spent one night in the same bed before I knew that wasn't going to work. I went out and bought an air mattress and moved into another room. It wasn't as comfortable as the regular bed but it gave me some emotional space as well physical space.

Living separately under the same roof isn't easy but it can be done. One thing I did that helped me to keep the boundaries in place was to continually remind myself that I didn't have to engage in the petty arguments anymore. Once it was over there just wasn't anything worth fighting about. I continued to care about his welfare but not on the same level.


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## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

The thing is, we don't argue. We just simply don't really engage much at all. Well, he doesn't. I'm unable to stop myself from giving him a peck on the head when I go to bed, or saying I love you when one of us leaves. It's difficult to get out of these habits. I love him so much. I need to figure out how to let go of that love and replace it with something else. But how?


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

All the emotions won't hit you until you 2 are actually apart, since you seem to be the one who cares the most, it will probably hit you the hardest AT FIRST!!..The worst time I had was the month we stayed in the same house with the separation pending, I couldn't handle it nor the first few months after, but now, I cannot imagine ever being happy with her as a couple, even though this is not what I wanted.


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## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

2Daughters said:


> All the emotions won't hit you until you 2 are actually apart.


I agree with this, and I think it will hit me like a pile of bricks which makes me all the more prepared for that. I'm so strong and when I can foresee things I can handle them a lot better. He certainly didn't drop this on me all of a sudden. We'd talked a lot about getting separated when I thought he was depressed. But he's not, he's simply just unhappy in marriage. Wants to be alone. Obviously not that bad... because he is still here and who knows... maybe he will never leave. But, I can envision myself helping him move out, and us staying very close friends. He's getting two of our "children" AKA "cats" which I will want to visit regularly. So we will be maintaining a good relationship after the papers are signed. I'm not letting him get away completely without a fight. But the second he starts to see other women... that is when I know I will have to cut all ties, and kiss my "children" goodbye.


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