# It's actually happening....



## JensHere (Oct 14, 2010)

I've been posting in the "Considering Divorce" forum, and now that I've pulled the trigger, I guess I belong over here now.

Last month I finally told my husband I wasn't happy, that all of his years of cheating on me had killed whatever love I had felt for him, and that I felt he needed help for his addictions (alcohol, sex, pills). At first he looked shocked that I had implied he had addictions, he honestly didn't think he had a problem. It was always everyone else who had the problem. Anyhow, after a few weeks I told him I'd found an apartment and I wanted him to get help. He agreed to go to counseling but dragged his feet trying to make an appointment. 

During all of this, I had honestly thought he wasn't currently cheating on me. Not that he wouldn't, but just that he currently wasn't.

This past weekend he started asking me if there was any keylogging software left on his computer (that's how I had caught him years ago). I told him there wasn't (I didn't think there was), and he told me to get what I wanted off of the computer so he could format the hard drive to make sure. Um, of course this threw up a big red flag. I logged into an old monitoring software website that I had been using, and indeed the software was still on his computer. He had been seeing the same girl from before again, and just last week, he slept with her IN MY BED. Our relationship was already over (he was still thinking counseling might win me back), but that was just a big kick in the gut. I threw his stuff outside but he refuses to leave the house because he has nowhere to go, and I can't get into my apartment until Feb. 3, so we're stuck in the house together. He'll be renting a room from someone starting Feb. 1. He's been sleeping on the couch for over a month, and I keep to myself in the back bedroom.

After all of this, after confronting him with it AND confronting his <expletive>friend, that same night while I was back in my son's room watching tv with him, my husband was on the computer video chatting with her, trying to win her back. (She replied to my email the next day, included him on it, and started off "While we were video chatting last night....."). Wow, while we were still in the house even.

I know there's something wrong with him. I know I have nothing to do with why he's sleeping around, registering for sex sites, watching porn daily. But to see that I gave 14 years of my life to him, gave him EVERYTHING I had (faithfully, I never cheated), and to see him just kick me aside and go after someone else like I never meant anything in the first place.....that's been the hardest thing in the world I've ever had to face. I'm so relieved to see the end in sight, but I don't think I'll ever get over that. It's like I was nothing at all....I was a place holder. He says he's still going to his counseling session on Saturday. After everything I've been through I'll just assume he's going to see her, but I hope he does get help.

I was really just venting. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Take care Jen...the emptiness will go away (at least I'm told that)...I've been separated for 3 months and while our relationship seems to be mending, I've done a lot of harm and thats why my wife left.

I'm addicted to alcohol, had an afair over 10 years ago and it was all just too over-whelmng for my wife. She knew the only way I would seek help was to leave me...and originally she didn't plain on coming back. I've sought out help, been clean (for the most part) and am really trying to work on my communication skills. But the one thing I can't fix is her trust toward me, that will take time and I'm sure she will never trust me completely again...she told me the other day she had forgiven me (for the affair) but can never forget it...

Even with the progress we are making, I still feel lost...I didn't know how much she meant to me until it was too late and she was gone...posting here helps me, half of my post are more me thinking things out, working out my feelings...if others read them and provide advice, great...if others tell me what a fool I am, great...it's more about me...

Good luck and keeps us posted!
Dan


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