# is she geting attention elsewhere and feeling quilty?



## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

ok my wife works with all men, a construction office, there is one other female but apperently she comes in only 2 or 3 days a week due to some past medical stuff/ So my wife is all alone in an office with 2 other men, multiple salesmen and the crews.

She has been there about a year, and at first I was VERY uncomfortable with it, as she made comments such as: "Boss 1 is so smart and motivated and has big arms, but too young so relax", " Boss 2, I just want to rub his arms as he works out and shaves them and they look so smooth, but he is married with 3 kids so relax as well as others against me, " your the one who kissed that girl the first year we dated, 22 years ago not me" and "you were the who-re not me before we started dating so you need to trust me." but finally figured if she is going to cheat there is not a heluva lot i can do to stop her.

My busness picks up come spring and summer so I really have had no time to obbsess over her and what she is doing, we have stopped our walks 4 times a week due to my work schedule aher schedule and the kids activities, though decided this week we r starting again as she gained 10 lbs.

my problem is, now that I am, I don't want to say a don't give a dman mode, but a more trusting and nonchalant mode, she is ALWAYS checking my phone/texts/facebook page/ everything, and calling me constantly if I am not home when she gets home.

For whatever reason she is not trusting me, and I work alone in my business and get filthy dirty due to being outdoors doing property maintenance. 
I am thiking she is feeling guilty about something that is going on at work, or do you think I am off base?

We raely see each other during the week, and I work every weekend at least 6 hours a day.


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## mikey11 (May 31, 2011)

her comments about other men are inappropriate behaviour and disrespectful towards you....they are also very immature in my opinion....


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## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

that has been our thing the last few months, her being disrespectful toward me and finally had a blow out when i freaked about money and her lying about money. 

I told her i won't take being talked to like an idiot or lied to forever and she will miss me when I am gone. she just apologized and said she would try the budget I set up

I hate to say it but it may be the company she keeps, one of her bosses, a third guy we are friends with and his wife. Kids are the same age and their son and mine get along great.

We have been to their home a few times. The problem is I have nothing in common with this guy, we are polite but different, so I usually end up either playing with the teenages basketball outside or talking to this guys wife's father who is 81, but we have more in common so its not bad.

The women though, there are usually 7 in the group, including my wife, bash their husbands/ mostly ex husbands, except for, according to my wife her, and I also never heard 1 other bash her husband, otherwise the rest hate their spouse. 

3 years ago, all were happily married now there is us, my wifes boss and this other woman, so more than 1/2 are divorced, but they all always bashed their guy at every party previous to the divorces.

We just talked about that the other day also, cause even this guys wife is a "b..." (my wifes description, not mine though I agree) to her husband of over 20 years, and I told her I thought it may be a good idea if we stopped hanging around them so much. I already have as I have skipped out on some parties, she hasn't missed one, but agrees it may be a good idea. So we will see.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

There's an old saying in my wife's country:

"When 3 wives get together, the dishes will break at home."

I think she checks up on you in order to deflect suspicion from herself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Her comments to you about wanting to touch/rub the men in her office = very inappropriate.

Sit her down and tell her. Yes, a lot of times cheaters get a guilty conscience however w/o rock solid proof, there is no way to tell if she has, in fact, cheated.

Her comments to you were very disrespectful, IMO.


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## BM178 (May 17, 2011)

Well if my significant other would be working such long hours and hardly spending time with me, I would be suspicious but then again it depends how much you trust each other. I trust my man so I wouldn't be very suspicious. I don't know if she's checking up on you cuz she feels guilty, might be very likely. Why don't you talk to her about the bosses casually. Ask her how things are going at work, if she likes her bosses and see how she reacts to it. Drop by her work at lunch time if you have a chance, surprise her. And if she's always snooping in your phone, why don't you take a look at hers?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Why don't you do your own investigation, or hire someone?

Have you seen any more red flags like her dressing "up" more when she goes to work?

Is she up all night texting or on the computor?

Have you checked the CC(credit cards), cell, and bank statements?

Put a VAR(voice activated recorder) and GPS in her car.

If you really want to know just start to quitely dig.


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## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

the guy said:


> Why don't you do your own investigation, or hire someone?
> 
> Have you seen any more red flags like her dressing "up" more when she goes to work?
> *yes, and some days, in my mind provacatively, but I talked to my older brother about it, who has always been single but a good looking partying type guy, he says I am looking thru rose colored married glasses: I see her still as the HOT cheerleader I married, he sees her as the middle aged "dumpy blond chick" cute but "dumpy" I love her dumpiness!*
> ...


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Any woman who is actually going to cheat on you would never talk up the man like that to your face. Unless she's a total idiot. She's just insecure and trying to make you jealous with those dumb comments.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

newwife07 said:


> Any woman who is actually going to cheat on you would never talk up the man like that to your face. Unless she's a total idiot. She's just insecure and trying to make you jealous with those dumb comments.


She might if she is entering an EA with him. In fact I would bet on this. The thing about EAs is that the person who is falling, may not see it as an EA .... I have first hand experience with this. It happened to me.


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## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

newwife07 said:


> Any woman who is actually going to cheat on you would never talk up the man like that to your face. Unless she's a total idiot. She's just insecure and trying to make you jealous with those dumb comments.



your probably right and I don't think she ill cheat butthe comments suck, here is another example:

So the other night she came home from baseball practice talking aobut one of the coaches to a girlfriend on her cell. This guy has freakishly large pectoral muscles, he is not a big guy but does have large pecs. She said a few months back how she wanted to run down there and grab them and ask him if they were real. I was like wtf? Seriously?

So I asked her if she ran down there the other night to see if they were real, and she just laughed said she wanted to but another woman she was with did first

I just shook my head and told her that was rude and disrespectful to me. She then said it was my fault for all the times I used to go to the strip club, OVER 15 years ago, before we were married! 

Neither of us were angels before marriage, but we BOTH agreed that if we got married, no more BS. I changed from a Jack Daniels drinking, occasional drug using, bar fly who fought at times, to a 3 job carrying provider when needed, coach to my kids baseball teams, loving father and husband. Haven’t touched a drug nor JD, which made me crazy, since we got married, just like I promised

Well last night one of her sisters she refused to talk to for the last 10 years had a bad acident and almost died. This sister is an idiot as she has a Masters in Education but would rather work at Bealls as she has a severe drinking problem and refuses to seek help. She started a fight with my wife as my wife was holding my 1 yr old daughter and had my 3 yr old son next to her and I walked in the back door and saw it all. I kicked her out then and they have not talked since though the sister has reached out a few times calling.

So she asked me what I thought she should do: I told her for starters, as a now church going woman, you need to learn to forgive and you need to let go of your resentment, and I am NOT just talking about resentment toward your sister otherwise one day, you will wake up and the one you love will be gone.

She texted me this morning and asked what I meant? I asked her back in a text if she misses the JD drinking, drug using, wannbe hard ass of a boyfriend I used to be and if she was disappointed in the loving, respectful, caring, hard working father/husband I grew up to be ? She called and said no she loves the man I became and is why she stuck with me so long before we married (6-7yeas) as she knew I was in there somewhere.

I then told her she needed to let go of the dumb crap I did before we got married and stop using it as an excuse for her behavior, I won’t resort to the fool I once was since my kids need me, but I also won’t put up with the bs. AND told her her sister needed to hear from her, we don’t need to start hanging around her, but at least meet her for lunch or something.

Think she will get it??

Think I was wrong?


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