# Drinking & sex- a little does more than a lot



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3159513/This is a bit of an eye opener, regarding alcohol, women & sexual desire/response. It comes up because our MC actually suggested that my wife might consider having a drink to help her relax. Do a bit of research on women, drinking & sex and what you find is that anything from a very very small amount of alcohol (less than a beer) up to something below the legal limit will likely increase a women's libido and sexual response, while anything over .08, in virtually all cases, may result in an increase in "risky" behavior but make sex less a "thing" being sought and make women less responsive. It did not cover the effect of alcohol on men. Maybe my counselor is onto something? And maybe even mild drinking on the first couple of dates might be something to avoid?


Conclusions
High dosage (.10 mg%) alcohol attenuated genital arousal in a sample of relatively young moderate drinking women. Our lower dosage (.08 mg%), which is widely recognized as substantially intoxicating in that it is the legal criterion for drunk driving and it is widely associated with generalized impairment (e.g. Fell & Voas, 2006), had no effect. Thus, looking across these and other studies it appears reasonable to conclude that *until the BAC exceeds .08 mg%, women are likely to exhibit an arousal response pattern characterized by enhanced self-reported sexual arousal, no alcohol-induced diminution in genital arousal, and an effective capability to control their arousal response.* This profile – combined with (1) the understanding that alcohol expectancies can moderate women’s sexual responding (e.g. Norris, Masters et al., 2004), (2) the AMT-theorized role of intoxication for fostering selective attention to sexually impelling situational cues, and (3) *evidence that the mere presence of alcohol cues can heighten sexual inferences and appraisals* (e.g. George & Stoner, 2000) – suggests that women’s post-drinking sexual responses are subject to considerable psychological variability and are not dictated by physiological imperatives or limits. However, this variability apparently decreases at higher dosages where it appears that intoxication effects may become less conducive to positive sexual responding and experience. *Potentially, physiology related to high alcohol levels may overwhelm the sexuality-related response systems.* Given heightened attention to alcohol effects on women’s sexual activities (e.g., Norris, Davis et al., 2004), such as HIV related sexual risk taking, more research into alcohol effects on these fundamental sexual responses is warranted. Diminished vaginal responding at the high dosage does not appear to curtail sexual risk taking (George et al., 2009), suggesting that many unanswered questions remain. In particular, research examining hormone responses as potential mediating mechanisms could prove valuable in further elucidating these relationships.​


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I absolutely love alcohol with sex.

I'm very tightly wound, and alcohol makes me feel uninhibited in a way that I'll simply never feel on my own.

Having said that, I'm pretty nunnish at the moment, and I haven't had sex in a looong time. And who knows if I'll ever have sex again, but if I do, alcohol will be involved.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes there’s a sweet spot between zero and too much alcohol. Too much just makes me fall asleep so sex is a no go. Personally I don’t need alcohol to get all amped up, but when I do have a drink or two and have a nice glow, I get more physical and verbal and it’s pretty fun.

However, sex itself makes me high and is the best high of all. I feel love drunk for hours after sex and for the entire next day I’m in a dreamy place.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

A little wine usually works wonders!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

My wife doesn't really drink; alcohol generally means sleepy time for her.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I have noticed with my wife that a cocktail within an hour before sex and her orgasms are more frequent and more intense. I have pointed it out, and we have cautiously experimented with alcohol and cannabis. Yeah! When inhibitions are lowered, there are more frequent and intense orgasms. OTOH, I have to limit my alcohol intake as a) I use Cialis, and mixing the two is not recommended. b) I find that just a little too much alcohol, and I can go all night without orgasm. Can be frustrating. HOWEVER Cannabis intake (I use an indica strain, have used it for years for back pain, and oh boy) appears to enhance my pleasure. Oh the joys of experimentation. Any wonder why I am beginning to resent having to go into work regularly.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I max out at 2 drinks. Anything over that and I get sloppy (my balance is the first thing to go for some reason) but way more cuddly/touchy than normal (that's a lot). Only issue is that I can't orgasm with any level of alcohol (1+). Now cannabis...... That is another story. One hit and I'm an orgasm cranking sex machine.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> A little wine usually works wonders!


While a lot of whine does just the opposite.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3159513/This is a bit of an eye opener, regarding alcohol, women & sexual desire/response. It comes up because our MC actually suggested that my wife might consider having a drink to help her relax. Do a bit of research on women, drinking & sex and what you find is that anything from a very very small amount of alcohol (less than a beer) up to something below the legal limit will likely increase a women's libido and sexual response, while anything over .08, in virtually all cases, may result in an increase in "risky" behavior but make sex less a "thing" being sought and make women less responsive. It did not cover the effect of alcohol on men. Maybe my counselor is onto something? And maybe even mild drinking on the first couple of dates might be something to avoid?
> 
> 
> Conclusions
> High dosage (.10 mg%) alcohol attenuated genital arousal in a sample of relatively young moderate drinking women. Our lower dosage (.08 mg%), which is widely recognized as substantially intoxicating in that it is the legal criterion for drunk driving and it is widely associated with generalized impairment (e.g. Fell & Voas, 2006), had no effect. Thus, looking across these and other studies it appears reasonable to conclude that *until the BAC exceeds .08 mg%, women are likely to exhibit an arousal response pattern characterized by enhanced self-reported sexual arousal, no alcohol-induced diminution in genital arousal, and an effective capability to control their arousal response.* This profile – combined with (1) the understanding that alcohol expectancies can moderate women’s sexual responding (e.g. Norris, Masters et al., 2004), (2) the AMT-theorized role of intoxication for fostering selective attention to sexually impelling situational cues, and (3) *evidence that the mere presence of alcohol cues can heighten sexual inferences and appraisals* (e.g. George & Stoner, 2000) – suggests that women’s post-drinking sexual responses are subject to considerable psychological variability and are not dictated by physiological imperatives or limits. However, this variability apparently decreases at higher dosages where it appears that intoxication effects may become less conducive to positive sexual responding and experience. *Potentially, physiology related to high alcohol levels may overwhelm the sexuality-related response systems.* Given heightened attention to alcohol effects on women’s sexual activities (e.g., Norris, Davis et al., 2004), such as HIV related sexual risk taking, more research into alcohol effects on these fundamental sexual responses is warranted. Diminished vaginal responding at the high dosage does not appear to curtail sexual risk taking (George et al., 2009), suggesting that many unanswered questions remain. In particular, research examining hormone responses as potential mediating mechanisms could prove valuable in further elucidating these relationships.​


"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker"

Alcohol increases FREE testosterone. Women, though they secrete less T, they are far more sensitive to it insofar as libido response. Combine that with reduced inhibition, well, you get a couple of drinks in my wife and she doesn't take no for an answer - not that I ever say no.

I read stuff to this effect in the '90s.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Marduk said:


> My wife doesn't really drink; alcohol generally means sleepy time for her.


Yup. Plying my wife with alcohol is only plying her for a nap.

Looking forward to the day when we can try a little weed without a doctors note or a cop's ride.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Taxman said:


> I have noticed with my wife that a cocktail within an hour before sex and her orgasms are more frequent and more intense. I have pointed it out, and we have cautiously experimented with alcohol and cannabis. Yeah! When inhibitions are lowered, there are more frequent and intense orgasms. OTOH, I have to limit my alcohol intake as a) I use Cialis, and mixing the two is not recommended. b) I find that just a little too much alcohol, and I can go all night without orgasm. Can be frustrating. HOWEVER Cannabis intake (I use an indica strain, have used it for years for back pain, and oh boy) appears to enhance my pleasure. Oh the joys of experimentation. Any wonder why I am beginning to resent having to go into work regularly.





Lila said:


> I max out at 2 drinks. Anything over that and I get sloppy (my balance is the first thing to go for some reason) but way more cuddly/touchy than normal (that's a lot). Only issue is that I can't orgasm with any level of alcohol (1+). Now cannabis...... That is another story. One hit and I'm an orgasm cranking sex machine.


God I wish they would legalize weed in my state. :surprise:


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Fozzy said:


> Yup. Plying my wife with alcohol is only plying her for a nap.
> 
> Looking forward to the day when we can try a little weed without a doctors note or a cop's ride.


The whole cannabis thing is very weird. It's now kind of common to pass a pipe or edibles around at a BBQ or whatever just like you'd offer someone a glass of wine or a beer.

We have a place in the mountains, and the busiest store in the little town nearby is the pot store. You can watch whole (adult) families go in and out. People my age will go in with their parents, and the older parents will be recommending certain kinds of pot to their 40-something kids. Imagine a grandma saying to her kids "ooh I tried this last weekend and the high was so amazing, come over this weekend and try it with us."

And it's all legal, fairly safe, and actually fairly cheap. Wild. I love it.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Marduk said:


> The whole cannabis thing is very weird. It's now kind of common to pass a pipe or edibles around at a BBQ or whatever just like you'd offer someone a glass of wine or a beer.
> 
> We have a place in the mountains, and the busiest store in the little town nearby is the pot store. You can watch whole (adult) families go in and out. People my age will go in with their parents, and the older parents will be recommending certain kinds of pot to their 40-something kids. Imagine a grandma saying to her kids "ooh I tried this last weekend and the high was so amazing, come over this weekend and try it with us."
> 
> And it's all legal, fairly safe, and actually fairly cheap. Wild. I love it.


Its not safe Marduk. Gateway man, it's a gateway. And pot today is 10,000x more potent than your Grandpa's weed. We're doomed I tell ya, DOOMED!!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> God I wish they would legalize weed in my state. :surprise:


I was a criminal for years. From the age of 17 I cultivated, picked, dried and cured marijuana. In Canada, the sale of seeds was made legal decades ago. I started by growing it beside my neighbor's tomatoes, this was at my parents' place, and thank god, they had no idea what I was up to. (Actually my dad caught me with a cigarette while tending my plants, and was easily convinced that was the reason I was in our backyard most of the time.) I have grown indoors and outdoors. Canada made possession and consumption of cannabis legal on October 17, 2018. I am no longer a criminal. All of the fears that were espoused by our US neighbors has never come to pass. I have several brick and mortar dispensaries and I use a delivery service. A very beautiful "Island Girl" will arrive at my office, and leave me an ounce or so. (Lately my son has developed an attraction to said lady and has been taking my deliveries) The prices are tumbling here at present. I bought two ounces on sale last week. Weed, on sale, $110CDN/oz, never thought I would live to see this. I bought a hybrid with both indica and sativa notes, and an indica for my back and hips. I was on Ketorilac for back and hip pain. I ditched those pills two years ago. If I experience the pain, I go down to my "cave". On my desk is a lovely ornate box, inside are two glass airtight jars. I grind up a flower, and have 2-3 draws. I then return to whatever I was doing (no client work or driving for at least 3 hours after) Interestingly, now that it is legal, one dispensary has "bud-tenders" who will discuss flavor, and quality of the stone. There are now upper crust smoking devices: Old briar pipes once were completely out of fashion, have returned as well as ornate cigarette holders. I have built several nice water pipes, have lucked into a Syrian Hookah (Blue glass, 925 silver smoking apparatus composite bowl)


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Middle of Everything said:


> Its not safe Marduk. Gateway man, it's a gateway. And pot today is 10,000x more potent than your Grandpa's weed. We're doomed I tell ya, DOOMED!!


In my experience, it's only a gateway to nachos, pizza, and watching the last 15 minutes of 2001 over and over.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Marduk said:


> In my experience, it's only a gateway to nachos, pizza, and watching the last 15 minutes of 2001 over and over.


A kindred spirit, AND back in 70, myself and two buddies did a massive bong bowl, then went to see 2001 in Cinerama. OMG. Dependent on the movie, my son and I (superhero flicks and Tarantino movies) will do a joint before settling into our seats. Made two errors that freaked me out: Do NOT see the Exorcist stoned. Do NOT see the Revenant stoned. (The bear scene will **** you up permanently)


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I love the taste of hard cider so much I can drink it like Kool aid! Lol!

I like how a few alcoholic drinks make me feel. I don't like to get drunk though. I don't like the feeling of not being in control of my body. After a couple of beers sex feels better.

I wish I could smoke a little pot now and then. It's still illegal where we live. The best and strongest pot I've ever smoked was in Jamaica. One hit and I was walking on the moon. Sex was amazing.

I drink in social situations. I don't think I've ever had a drink to help me relax for sex. I don't think my husband would like that... It's a bonus to sometimes feel aroused and relaxed after a party but not all the time.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Marduk said:


> Middle of Everything said:
> 
> 
> > Its not safe Marduk. Gateway man, it's a gateway. And pot today is 10,000x more potent than your Grandpa's weed. We're doomed I tell ya, DOOMED!!
> ...


The munchies are exactly why I don't partake very often. If the pantry and fridge ar replenished, one toke and I can kiss all of my good diet habits out the window. I wish there was cannabis without the munchies side effects.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Taxman said:


> A kindred spirit, AND back in 70, myself and two buddies did a massive bong bowl, then went to see 2001 in Cinerama. OMG. Dependent on the movie, my son and I (superhero flicks and Tarantino movies) will do a joint before settling into our seats. Made two errors that freaked me out: Do NOT see the Exorcist stoned. Do NOT see the Revenant stoned. (The bear scene will **** you up permanently)


The last 20 minutes of Akira or the opening sequence from the Ghost in the Shell anime are fun, too.

But I wouldn't go and watch the Shining or anything.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lila said:


> The munchies are exactly why I don't partake very often. If the pantry and fridge ar replenished, one toke and I can kiss all of my good diet habits out the window. I wish there was cannabis without the munchies side effects.


Maybe just don't have that stuff in the house?

Have you ever eaten a really good orange stoned? It's an ecstatic experience.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Marduk said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> > The munchies are exactly why I don't partake very often. If the pantry and fridge ar replenished, one toke and I can kiss all of my good diet habits out the window. I wish there was cannabis without the munchies side effects.
> ...


The only junk food in the house is my son's and I don't touch it. But I have been known to bake an entire batch of cookies or a whole cake while high. If there's a will, there's a way.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Oh, and Blade Runner. The final cut. The whole thing is just _gorgeous_.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Lila said:


> The munchies are exactly why I don't partake very often. If the pantry and fridge ar replenished, one toke and I can kiss all of my good diet habits out the window. I wish there was cannabis without the munchies side effects.


Actually, I have found over the years that if I actively caution myself against giving into the munchies I can avoid them. Given that I have lost over 130lbs, my self control is pretty strong. HOWEVER, back in the day, when I was tipping at 330, I could down an XL Pizza on my own when in the throes of the munchies. (then let out a burp that sheared the fur off my cat)


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

middle of everything said:


> its not safe marduk. Gateway man, it's a gateway. And pot today is 10,000x more potent than your grandpa's weed. We're doomed i tell ya, doomed!!


the devil's lettuce!


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Pothead threadjack aside (lol)- thanks for posting. I kind of have neglected this approach with my wife for awhile... need to try it again. Wine was always my go-to...any other suggestions?

A drink has always been effective at calming her overly busy brain... usually a good thing.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Lila said:


> The munchies are exactly why I don't partake very often. If the pantry and fridge ar replenished, one toke and I can kiss all of my good diet habits out the window. I wish there was cannabis without the munchies side effects.


I do believe Chelsea Handler is working on cultivating a no-munchie strain.

I use it as a reward system. If I have a good week of eating and working out, I'll imbibe. If not, none for me. 

As to the OP, I don't drink at all. I don't like the feeling. But if I take a toke, oh boy I am READY and in the mood.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Lila said:


> The only junk food in the house is my son's and I don't touch it. But I have been known to bake an entire batch of cookies or a whole cake while high. If there's a will, there's a way.


Bake? Omg it would take me forever to get thru the damn recipe. I'd read it over and over. And then ask, did I put the eggs in? How much sugar again? Must consult recipe for the 3,838th time. I can't track well. I clean like a freak, though.:grin2: soooo detailed lol.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I definitely get more in the mood with a drink or two. Any more than that and I just want to sleep. Don’t know what pot would do as I’ve never tried it.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

lucy999 said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> > The only junk food in the house is my son's and I don't touch it. But I have been known to bake an entire batch of cookies or a whole cake while high. If there's a will, there's a way.
> ...


Hahahaha. I'm rolling on the floor here. 

Yes that occasionally happens if I wait too long to start baking. 

It's funny you said you clean the house. I too have to keep moving. If I'm not baking, I'm dancing around my house. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.

Eta:. Unlike alcohol, cannabis does not affect my balance. Weird.


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## BornFree (May 12, 2018)

If you make drinking part of your routine together or with sex, wouldn’t you wonder if each other is really connected to each other? I mean that’s what I’d be worried about, what is the sex like without any substances- as good?


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## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

BornFree said:


> If you make drinking part of your routine together or with sex, wouldn’t you wonder if each other is really connected to each other? I mean that’s what I’d be worried about, what is the sex like without any substances- as good?


I think that just depends on the healthiness of the relationship and sex life. My husband and I are deeply connected to eachother and we only drink a few times a year; me more than him. I am much more experienced and open in the bedroom than he is but I have found that we have pretty intense sex after we have a good buzz. Neither of us need alchohol to have great sex though.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Marduk said:


> The last 20 minutes of Akira or the opening sequence from the Ghost in the Shell anime are fun, too.
> 
> But I wouldn't go and watch the Shining or anything.


Cronenberg's film version of "Naked Lunch". Try it.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

AandM said:


> Cronenberg's film version of "Naked Lunch". Try it.


I love that movie.

But I love my sanity more.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Yeah, it doesn't always work either.

My wife is opposed to oral sex of any kind. I've made no secret of my interest in going down on her more than once. She made a flippant comment one day about "maybe I'll get a little loaded one day and I can power through it".

Well, one weekend we came back from a three-winery tasting, and she was pretty ploughed. We hadn't talked about it beforehand, but I figured I'd give it a shot. 

Nuh uh. "I'm not going to get taken advantage of like that when I'm drunk".

Classic Catch-22.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

My wife orgasms much more easily and more strongly since she started toking up first.

One issue is the dry mouth, so if extended oral for me is on the table, that needs to be done first, which disrupts the flow a bit.

This says something important about (many) women's sex drives.

Either women have a particular need to clear their mind of anxieties or need some help getting past their inhibitions (or others).

This works in an LTR (where there may advance consent), but how does this work in casual relationships where any intake of booze (or, I assume, weed) presumably renders the woman as incapable of giving consent?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Ultimately, it's each individual's responsiblity to guard themselves in situations where substances are involved. 

As I told my daughters, you're responsible for what you wear, you're responsible for the company you keep, and you're responsible for the drugs (alcohol) you take.

Don't get high and/or drunk with people you don't know. 

And the consent discussion (which has almost become of caricature of itself) should come *way* before you're hot and bothered and half naked.

Unless it's decided beforehand, and one of your super close, trusted friends knows they're supposed to keep you in check, expecting strangers to look out for your best interest is extremely foolish.



Buddy400 said:


> This works in an LTR (where there may advance consent), but how does this work in casual relationships where any intake of booze (or, I assume, weed) presumably renders the woman as incapable of giving consent?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

minimalME said:


> Ultimately, it's each individual's responsiblity to guard themselves in situations where substances are involved.
> 
> As I told my daughters, you're responsible for what you wear, you're responsible for the company you keep, and you're responsible for the drugs (alcohol) you take.
> 
> ...


Well said.

Only thing is drugs and alcohol dont really help even your super close trusted friends keep you in check or make good decisions. 

And the drunk and or high with people you don't know? Good advice. If people used it properly. Problem arises when they _thought_ they knew him. Yeah not so much.

I very much agree with you here, i don't want to come across like I don't. Its just the nature of the beast that makes me sad how this advice might not hold up in practice. Many times due to others.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I understand that what I wrote isn't what many/most people actually do. 

And I'm just as guilty as anyone else. Throughout my life I've done my share of stupid things.

But that doesn't wipe away personal responsibility. 

And we do so love to blame. 

Cigarette smoking, eating junk food, unprotected sex, going to a hotel room under the guise of having a business meeting, etc.?

So many of our choices come with risks that we're well aware of beforehand, yet we barrel ahead anyway.



Middle of Everything said:


> I very much agree with you here, i don't want to come across like I don't. Its just the nature of the beast that makes me sad how this advice might not hold up in practice. Many times due to others.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

minimalME said:


> So many of our choices come with risks that we're well aware of beforehand, yet we barrel ahead anyway.


As well we probably should, because the risks are often not as great as we fear and the alternative is to never take any. 

How's that saying go? On their death bed, people don't regret what they did, but rather what they did not do.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

And that's fine. Just don't blame every other person around you for the choices you make. Take responsibility.



Cletus said:


> As well we probably should, because the risks are often not as great as we fear and the alternative is to never take any.
> 
> How's that saying go? On their death bed, people don't regret what they did, but rather what they did not do.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Marduk said:


> I love that movie.
> 
> But I love my sanity more.


Guess you wouldn't be up for David Lynch's Eraserhead then?


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