# Why wont my husband listen



## Haniel (Feb 27, 2011)

My husband works afternoon shift all through the week we have 3 beautiful children ages 10,8 and 3 my 2 eldest kids are at school so he doesnt get to see them all week and the litte one is still at home he gets to see him on a regular basis . I understand that he has to work and i am grateful and appreaciate all the hard work he does , he works every saturday as well and this is causing major hassles as the kids want to spend more time with him we only have one day together as a family and its not enough ive had my 8 yr old crying his eyes out wanting his dad more now that he is getting older ,ive asked my husband to take a weekend off now and then so we can have more time together and he flat out refuses ive told him the kids are getting older now and need to be with him and he gets defensive and angry all the time saying i have to do all the work i can now because i dont want to be working in my 60s my reply was well the kids are not going to be kids forever they need you now time waits for no one !! I dont know what to do im at the end of my tether.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

A weekend here or there is not going to matter. Work now - work later - work is no substitute for a good solid loving family life. Are you sure he's working or does he have another life!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Haniel (Feb 27, 2011)

Hi Powerbane 

I must admit the thought did cross my mind but his times are to accurrate but but then again thats not to say it still could be a be a possibility .


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

He works 6 days a week? That sucks!

If he retires at 60 and has no family to share it with won't that be sad.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

I used to be that way until I realized my wife wanted me home more than she cared about the money. 

I'm happier, she's happier, the kids are happier. I still have to watch myself because when I'm working on something I tend to get so focused on it I lose track of time. 

A career is not A LIFE! It's just a damn job, all that matters is God, Your Wife, Your Kids, Extended family and friends - nothing else!!!!

I wish I knew of a way to get through to your husband. 

My wife came to me and just said she was going to leave. Thats it - Thats all it took to snap me out of the funk.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> he flat out refuses ive told him the kids are getting older now and need to be with him and he gets defensive and angry all the time saying i have to do all the work i can now because i dont want to be working in my 60s my reply was well the kids are not going to be kids forever they need you now time waits for no one !


It sounds working is an important way he shows love towards you all and your future together. Telling him he is doing that wrong or needs to change it is VERY hurtful to him. 

(not to be steriotypical - i make most of the dinners and cleaning), but it would like him telling you that you aren't making dinner correctly, cleaning, having sex, or whatever you do to show love incorrectly. 

Also look up the love language quizes. His love language is probably acts of service, and you are probably quality time. Both of you should be aware of why something so simple seems like a HUGE issue to both of you. Both of you are probably crossing what the other views as THE MOST IMPORTANT part of love.

For my wife and I, I value physical and quality time and she values acts of service and affirmation. When we finally understood this, the difference was shocking for both of us. If I can get 2 hours of her time and something physical (make out for example) and then I do the dishes, we are both MUCH happier.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Thanks anx - Thats probably what I was trying to say!


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

The kids have love languages, too. Likely, the one who cries for time with daddy is Quality Time.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Naturally, I have only your information to go on, but it occurs to me another factor may be at play. I wonder if your husband is worried and feeling very competitive on the job. Many have lost their jobs and it would be understandable for a responsible guy to be worried and go the extra mile to prove himself indispensable to his boss. I've been married with kids and even in my relatively safe government job, I felt a pretty heavy burden that keeping my boss happy meant keeping a roof over my wife and kids. We didn't have 20% unemployment back then. I can imagine that weight is only heavier these days. I wouldn't immediately assume he preferred work over home. I worked ridiculous hours but I would have rather been home for all of them. Some jobs involve a great deal of competition and uncertainty. I just came off four months of 2nd shift with my police department and you're right. They stink. I got to see my wife only about 1 hr a day. I have suggested to my chief that only childless officers be assigned to 2nd because it's especially awful for kids.


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## Haniel (Feb 27, 2011)

Hi Guys just found my thread can anyone tell me are my posts stored in my profile somewhere ? As im a newbie im not sure how it works thanks for all your advice im still at my wits end with it i cant make him listen so now im just planning outings for the kids and myself its them that im hurting for not my relationship with him as they are the ones that are suffering the most . Its so sad .


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You can subscribe to your thread under thread tools at the top of this page.

Also, if you go to your profile, under statistics there is a link for all the threads you've started.

Also, You may need to do MC depending. My MC story is in my profile. It may take you telling him to chose work or you. Again though, please look at the love language stuff. I really think he is showing you love by working and you love quality time. When those two come at odds, you both will have issues, not just him


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