# Your description of intelligence



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Ladies, what is your definition of "intelligent" in a mate? Whenever a list is given of characteristics that people look for in a potential partner, "Intelligent" usually makes the list. I assume it isn't measured by what they scored on a test, how well they do Algebra, or their college grades. So, what makes a guy intelligent to you?

Our local bank owner is very successful. He has more banks in surrounding counties than any other bank around. He is a very distinguished man with a pleasant, non-intimidating personality, and I assume had to know a few things to get where he is. However, his wife is always pleasantly talking about how "he doesn't know anything." "He's just like a little kids." "I doubt he would know how to put a pan of water on the stove and turn it on," she once said. :rofl:

I hear a lot about men who wouldn't know how to wash a load of clothes or pay a bill. I saw a fairly recent drama movie with Tom Selleck, and he had gotten a cell phone and didn't know how to program it or hardly use it at all. He had to ask a lady friend to help, and it seemed she had a crush on him and thought it was cute that he didn't know. 

Now it's my turn. I am college educated and hold a white collar job at which I do a great job and have always gotten glowing reports. I can handle my own bills, know everything about housework, and am handy with the carpentry end as well. A few shingles blown off by the wind or a deck in need of repair would be no big deal to me.

On the other hand, I wouldn't give ten cents to carry on a conversation about government, politics, the economy, or things like that. It's not my interest, and I couldn't get very deep with it. I'd just as soon have romantic conversations or just fun talk. 

Sometimes we get new government guidelines at work which is often an inch thick document. I often think, "how do people come up with this stuff"? If I were asked to come up with a document for this topic, two to ten pages would probably be what I submitted; my brain just couldn't generate all that stuff.

Unlike most people, I'm not into sports either. Unless we're talking super famous people like Michael Jordan or Michael Phelps, I probably don't know them.

I could probably come across as pretty empty to some people; oddly enough, one of my x wife's complaints was that i made her feel stupid.

So, how do you measure intelligence in a partner? What does he have to know or what is it ok that he doesn't know? I ask because I haven't dated in 18 years, and have no immediate plans to, but wonder in this age what could be a possible turn off or turn on for women in the "intelligence" category.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I think it just depends on the 2 people. My husband knows a lot about some things (Finance, Religion, Politics, Hockey) I know a lot about others (Art, English History, Random Trivia facts out the wazzu). Between the 2 of us we have some awesome conversations, each of us learning from the other's store of knowledge.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think my H is the most intelligent man I've ever met. He doesn't know anything about house work, politics, or religion, but he's very good at what he does, and he's very focused. I find that really attractive. When it comes to talking politics or religion he always tries to understand by asking a lot of questions and rarely gives an opinion, which to me is a sign of intelligence. I tend to find strongly opinionated people less intelligent.


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## max456 (May 4, 2011)

Intelligence is a relative term and extremely subjective. One can be well read, have several degrees but not be able to balance a checkbook
Conversely some of the most intelligent people I know (I'm college and grad school educated and have worked corporate America and have owned/run my own business for 10 years) 
are not college educated and some only have GEDs. As an "educated" man who knows a wide range of people I find myself attracted most to women with drive, determination, who are trying 
to better their situation and/or who are passionate and talented at something. Could be medicine, could be guitar, could be stained glass. Passion and ability are earmarks of I intelligence in my book. I also know, and have dated, many women who were ivy league educated, successful, but who were dumb as a bag of rocks when it came to either common sense, morality, or just plain old street smarts. It's taken me some time but I've come to realize to never ever judge a book by it's cover in that regard
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

southbound said:


> one of my x wife's complaints was that i made her feel stupid.


I'm very smart. High IQ, college educated, successful career the whole nine. I got this line from my husband. Took some thinking but he's right I do make him feel stupid. I'm working on toning it down a bit.

As far as what I care about in terms of intelligence is as long as you aren't completely dumb I'm good. I sometimes have to give definitions of words I use to my husband and yet he can fix anything and I can barely figure out how to use all my vacuum attachements. We each have our talents. It's all good.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

My Dear Hubby is by far the most intelligent man I've ever met--to the point that he STILL impresses me every day with his intelligence! And as you mentioned, it's not his IQ or his college degrees...nor that he can talk about politics or philosophy (although he can do both and blow you away!). 

I find him intelligent because he mentally acute--very astute and observant. He's bright as a whip and picks things up very quickly. He's clever in the fun, witty way. He is creative and able to express things in a way that is new, fresh and artistic. He is able to discern :bsflag: from authenticity. He has a lively, active imagination. About certain topics he is EXTREMELY knowledgeable and for the most part for many/most topics he is interested in learning more. He is perceptive and notices small things. He is UTTERLY rational and reasonable--and for me (as a Feeler kind of female) that's like having a rock foundation under my feet that will not move. 

I think when one spouse says that the other "makes them feel stupid" that they most likely have that self-perception and then claim it's their spouse that views them that way. I know that I'm about the most intelligent person I know and my Dear Hubby makes me look like a dim bulb sometimes, because he's just far and above me! Yet the beauty is that, as intelligent as he is, he is gracious about it. In the areas where he is an expert, he teaches me without condescending, and in the areas where I am the expert, he lets me teach him. Therein lies the key, I think.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Classical IQ is important. But to really succeed in a LTR EQ - emotional quotient may be even more important.



QUOTE=max456;313653]Intelligence is a relative term and extremely subjective. One can be well read, have several degrees but not be able to balance a checkbook
Conversely some of the most intelligent people I know (I'm college and grad school educated and have worked corporate America and have owned/run my own business for 10 years) 
are not college educated and some only have GEDs. As an "educated" man who knows a wide range of people I find myself attracted most to women with drive, determination, who are trying 
to better their situation and/or who are passionate and talented at something. Could be medicine, could be guitar, could be stained glass. Passion and ability are earmarks of I intelligence in my book. I also know, and have dated, many women who were ivy league educated, successful, but who were dumb as a bag of rocks when it came to either common sense, morality, or just plain old street smarts. It's taken me some time but I've come to realize to never ever judge a book by it's cover in that regard
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

What is intelligence? For me, it is a desire to learn. I am married to a Mensa member, yet I wouldn't say that he is smarter than you. He has no desire to learn. You are looking for ways to expand yourself and that tells me that you are willing to learn. Awesome!
Women love a guy with passion. I don't know what that is for you but please find it. Think back to when you were younger and what made you truly happy. Find that passion again and you will attract women. Women love nothing more than a guy who is excited and happy about life. I am married to what on paper sounds like the perfect man. Good looking, tall, youthful, brilliant, etc. He has no zest for life. None. He has no passion and he rests on his laurels with his intelligence. Graduated from a top university and has his MBA. My 13 year old son is smarter than him in my mind. Why? Because my son explores. If he has a question he finds the answer. 
Intelligence isn't marked by an IQ (something my husband fails to see), it is marked by the ability to seek answers. That comes from passion. Find it.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I like intelligence plenty but not nearly as much as I love creativity.

To answer your questions though...I dig a man who can talk politics, philosophy, challenges my ideals and thoughts. I don't know that this as anything to do with intelligence but rather more to do with common threads? I dig and respect a man who is not afraid to be himself. 

I never asked my husband to take an IQ test until we were married several years but that was just because I wanted the chance to beat him 

For the record, we did do one of those silly timed online IQ tests and he beat me by one stinking point! He holds it over my head with a joke about it any chance he gets (which I fully deserve). I beg for a re-test but doubt I'll ever get it.

Hence the whole...have to be comfortable with being yourself. If my husband wasn't, he would have been buried by my challenging and feisty nature in year one.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Classical IQ is important. But to really succeed in a LTR EQ - emotional quotient may be even more important.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]

Yes, EQ is more important than IQ! 

People who know how to get along with people are usually team leaders. 

People who know how to control emotions are usually successful business men or politician. 

I am not good in this area. I am working on it!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

True intelligence is gained for continuing to learn and always increasing one's knowledge. An intelligent person will be a problem solver and also be a person who can "think outside the box".


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I’ve had a problem understanding the general gist of your post. In that “why did you post?”.

Was it because you haven’t dated for many years and you’re now looking to date? If it is I wouldn’t get hung up at all on your IQ. There are far more things about a person than their IQ. Take my wife (stbx) as an example. Her measured IQ was nothing to shout about yet she had outstanding qualities, values and beliefs, that kept me with her for over four decades.

In addition to the IQ there is also Emotional Intelligence and Spiritual Intelligence. If you are happy with your IQ than perhaps your EQ and SQ are things to be worked on.

Bob


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

For me it means, Educated, Classy, Successful, Articulate, Well Mannered, Goal oriented, Assertive, Read books, Hard worker, Responsible, Confident, etc. (And all of these fit my hubby's description). He doesn't have to know how to cook well because that's my department although he makes food sometimes


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bob,
As usual I find your post very helpful. On a traditional IQ test - I score a fair bit higher than my W. However:
- Her mental "reflexes" are exceptional. She is very fast. In word games where speed is a factor she is dead even with me despite my considerably larger vocabulary. 
- In many other games she prevails because she is simply faster than I am. 
- She has a higher EQ than I do in many areas. She is super adventurous.
- She is killer funny. There is no tests that measures humor and yet it, like great sex is a huge amplifier to a marriage. Her sense of humor includes the ability to laugh at herself. 
- She is very playful and spontaneous. 
- She has a sharp edge to her - on occasion it is very painful - mostly it is super erotic - I love it much more than I hate it





AFEH said:


> I’ve had a problem understanding the general gist of your post. In that “why did you post?”.
> 
> Was it because you haven’t dated for many years and you’re now looking to date? If it is I wouldn’t get hung up at all on your IQ. There are far more things about a person than their IQ. Take my wife (stbx) as an example. Her measured IQ was nothing to shout about yet she had outstanding qualities, values and beliefs, that kept me with her for over four decades.
> 
> ...


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

My husband is more intelligent than he knows, but he has a hard time staying focused. I love the way he thinks though because he has such a curious mind. He WANTS to know things and is always interested in learning.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

827Aug said:


> True intelligence is gained for continuing to learn and always increasing one's knowledge. An intelligent person will be a problem solver and also be a person who can "think outside the box".


:iagree::iagree:

THIS.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I’ve a cousin with an IQ of over 150. As a youngster the State paid for the best schooling for him. But his life has left a lot to be desired. Failed marriages, massive depressions etc.

IQ is but one aspect of a person’s makeup.

People can be very snobbish about IQ.

Bob


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

AFEH said:


> IQ is but one aspect of a person’s makeup.
> 
> People can be very snobbish about IQ.
> 
> Bob


When they think they are smart, they actually become very arrogant! 

When a person has what you called high EQ and SQ, and plus his high IQ, then you see a wonderful person!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I agree.



greenpearl said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, EQ is more important than IQ! 

People who know how to get along with people are usually team leaders. 

People who know how to control emotions are usually successful business men or politician. 

I am not good in this area. I am working on it![/QUOTE]


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

One of my favorite Despair.com posters.

*Teamwork
None of us is as dumb as all of us.*

To my mind, there is a 'compatibility matrix' when it comes to partnering. To me, intellect becomes part of the matrix in how it is presented, used and how it translates to your partner.

I know people that can be comfortable talking about quantum entanglement, but can't add a column of 1's, and importantly can't decipher intent, tone, or body language.

So I agree, EQ trumps IQ. Sharp beats intelligent in my book.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Trenton said:


> I like intelligence plenty but not nearly as much as I love creativity.
> 
> To answer your questions though...I dig a man who can talk politics, philosophy, challenges my ideals and thoughts. I don't know that this as anything to do with intelligence but rather more to do with common threads? I dig and respect a man who is not afraid to be himself.
> 
> ...


Damn, he only beat you by a point?

My 4 point victory looking better all the time


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Intellignent enough not to be boring--which means, interested in, knowledgable about, and willing to converse in a way I can learn and understand, about SOMETHING. That requires more than a high IQ and certainly a decent EQ. It also means--in my world--able to solve real life problems, which usually requires creativity (also hard to measure). 

Perhaps most important, intelligent enough to be comfortable with your level of intelligence--neither a show off nor lacking confidence in your intellect. Someone who knows their own limits and asks for ideas, help, whatever--that's a smart person, no matter what their IQ!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> I agree.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

I think women are typically far higher than men in the EQ stakes, it comes so natural to them. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I could “see” like a woman. But I’m learning, studying body language.

Next time you’re in a social gathering ask your wife to tell you what she sees and understands. I think it will be very enlightening, a world us men can only imagine.

Bob


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> One of my favorite Despair.com posters.
> 
> *Teamwork
> None of us is as dumb as all of us.*


That is freaking hilarious Deejo.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I would have to say someone who likes to try new things and has the ability to be empathetic. Someone who genuinely tries to see things from anothers perspective, and who can admit when they are wrong. Someone who knows when to speak up and when to stay quiet.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I would say intelligence is the mental capacity to learn.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bob,
Emotionally/preceptually I am at least half female. Physically - all male - and gender preference - purely into females. 

BTW - emotionally/perceptually - I was mostly male until 40 when my T levels started to drop. Being flooded by testosterone is suboptimal when it comes to broad based awareness. 

That said - I will ask her but doubt that she sees much more than I do at this point. 





I think women are typically far higher than men in the EQ stakes, it comes so natural to them. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I could “see” like a woman. But I’m learning, studying body language.

Next time you’re in a social gathering ask your wife to tell you what she sees and understands. I think it will be very enlightening, a world us men can only imagine.

Bob[/QUOTE]


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

AFEH said:


> I’ve had a problem understanding the general gist of your post. In that “why did you post?”.
> 
> Was it because you haven’t dated for many years and you’re now looking to date? If it is I wouldn’t get hung up at all on your IQ. There are far more things about a person than their IQ. Take my wife (stbx) as an example. Her measured IQ was nothing to shout about yet she had outstanding qualities, values and beliefs, that kept me with her for over four decades.
> 
> ...


I'm recently divorced after 18 years, am 43, and haven't dated for 20 years. I have no immediate plans to date, but I realize that the world changes in 20 years.

I realize that the conversations i had as a teen like, "what kind of music do you like," and "what's your favorite movie," probably won't cut it with the 40 year old crowd, yet I feel like that would be rather refreshing.

I am perfectly fine with myself; I have good self-esteem. I'm just a realist and realize that a laid back, B-type personality like me is probably not what many women want these days, maybe not many at all. 

I guess I patterned my marriage after the adults that I grew up with, which apparently wasn't as exciting as what people want today. Perhaps it's not all about intelligence, but personality as well.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

mommy22 said:


> Honestly, the coffee shop types who speak in eloquent jargon (loudly so all can hear how brilliant they are) about how they would save the planet by drilling in Alaska bore me to tears. Blah blah blah. Go out and have a good time.


great posts mommy22!! Thanks for the comments!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

greenpearl said:


> When they think they are smart, they actually become very arrogant!
> 
> When a person has what you called high EQ and SQ, and plus his high IQ, then you see a wonderful person!


Thats so true. I used to think i aspired to be "smart" but i now work under someone who is incredibly smart, a neuroscientists, but she's so unhappy. she's bitter, has a huge ego, and everyone stays away from her. she's always complaining and putting other people down. its a shame.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Damn, he only beat you by a point?
> 
> My 4 point victory looking better all the time


How cruel to rub it in! :cussing:


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

southbound said:


> great posts mommy22!! Thanks for the comments!


If they're speaking loudly at a coffee shop about oil drilling so everyone can hear that's just weird. If they actually enjoy and are passionate about what they are saying it doesn't bother me so much. It most likely is their idea of a good time.

All of this defeats the purpose of your happiness and speaks to Mommy's actual point which is being yourself is the only way to actually attract an authentic partner who adores you.

I'm not sure level of intelligence has anything to do with this. There is absolutely someone out there willing, waiting and ready to love you so dare to be seen for who you are regardless of your IQ, EQ or GQ.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Trenton said:


> ...I dig a man who can talk politics, philosophy, challenges my ideals and thoughts. I don't know that this as anything to do with intelligence but rather more to do with common threads? I dig and respect a man who is not afraid to be himself.


I feel like Trenton here ^^^^ Depends on what we define as intelligence too. The meaning is >> The ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills 

Some can be like a Robot of information and can bore you to tears, I have a B-in Law like this, love the man, so very intelligent- he is an encyclopedia, but we almost fear asking him a question-cause we know the answer will be 20 minutes long +, we soon want to run, receive a phone call, have an emergency just to exit his answer, he has not the ability to skip the minute details that we just don't need & just goes on & on & on. 

I personally appreciate someone with just plain old "*Common Sense"*, *empathy*, a *good listener *as well as a *enthusiatic conversationalist*, possessing a sense of *Curisoity * in all things, knows how to *laugh at thier faults* & see the ironic humor in our day to day choas, has a measure of *humility*, can be themselves in all things, *challenging* at times, *asking questions* because they are interested in others, doesn't try to change everyone else around them into a copy of them, doesn't see everything in black & white, *a spirt of learning always* and never feeling you are too old to "change & grow" in ways that might better yourself & your relationships. 


These are what I look for in people- things that would draw me in. 

Intelligent Tests IQ Test (Intelligence Test). More than 50 Intelligence Tests for all ages


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

There are many different ways of being intelligent.
My IQ is a "bright" (psychiatrist's word, not mine.) 131. I did very well in school, except for math and science. My teachers thought I was an anomaly, because I was in the gifted class for English and the slow class for math. :rofl:

I would have acheived a lot more professionally if it hadn't been for my struggles with mental health. It was right when I should have been going to university.  It has been a great disappointment. 

I love to read and I am very curious person. I am often complimented on my EQ; my "people skills". My husband is very smart and observant, however his common sense usually goes out the window. I get frustrated because he is older and more educated; he should be able to figure out simple things like a shopping list. Also, he is extremely introverted and socially awkward. My husband loves my extroversion and my compassion. He also thinks that I very intelligent. 

My brother is very intelligent; he is a rich lawyer. However, he is also cold and arrogant. His intelligence and his career have not been enough to build the family he craves; he only attracts selfish women. 

I have met quite a few young educated people, who have awful EQ. "I have a degree and I make $50,000"!!!:rofl: They are not smart enough to know much of a jerk they look like.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

What people value will vary greatly depending on personal ideals.

Personally, I prefer someone who is incredibly well rounded. Everyone has been saying this about their loved ones, and I think it's romantic but also very true--my SO is the smartest person I've ever met!  He knows basic info about EVERYTHING and I keep telling him to go on Jeopardy...And my favorite thing is, he has the patience to teach me about what he knows. 

Beyond that, he loves to learn, he takes care of things I have trouble with (like maintaining the car, fixing broken appliances, etc.) and I am pretty sure he'll be a great dad, which is also important to me. 

IQ tests are interesting to me...I've never taken a real one, nor do I intend to. I'd rather skip along and feel confident that I'm as smart as I need to be, rather than comparing myself to a statistic. Maybe I'm in denial lol, but I don't really like competition like that.

I agree with mommy22--"eloquent jargon" is not my favorite. Some of the most gifted people I know can take a complex topic and discuss/explain it in plain English.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

southbound said:


> I'm recently divorced after 18 years, am 43, and haven't dated for 20 years. I have no immediate plans to date, but I realize that the world changes in 20 years.
> 
> I realize that the conversations i had as a teen like, "what kind of music do you like," and "what's your favorite movie," probably won't cut it with the 40 year old crowd, yet I feel like that would be rather refreshing.
> 
> ...


I find the most interesting people are those that have, well, interests! My elder son has interests of all sorts, photography, scuba diving, mountain climbing, health and fitness, cooking being the main ones. More recently he’s just taken an interest in growing his own veg along with his partner. The two of us are very similar so we’re able to “share interests” and very good conversations. He’s not much into archaeology and history though.

I spoke with a chap once who said he has problems getting into conversations with people. So I told him all you need do is find out what a person’s interests are and simply ask them questions. Every body has interests, their work, children, sports etc. I think it good to know what we’re naturally inclined towards, take it from there and build knowledge up with our interests. I think the really good thing about interests is that we find like minded people. Who knows one of those may just be your next partner in life.

Bob


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