# Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL



## roverforever (Jun 25, 2018)

Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.

I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.

My wife has a standard transmission vehicle and I cannot drive it. She wanted me to learn originally, as it would be beneficial to her and I she felt. For those times I wanted to use it, take it out and wash it for her, move it into the garage when etc. 

I tried a few times but got frustrated trying to learn to drive standard so I gave up. Over the last 10 years, there is maybe 1 or 2 instances per year that come up like she mentioned above.

I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.

Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.

I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying. Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.

I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?


----------



## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

Man up and learn to drive a manual - Nancy.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

How old is her car at this stage? 
Why not buy her an automatic.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm female. I learned to DRIVE on a standard. If a 16 year old girl who isn't very mechanically inclined can learn to drive on a standard, why couldn't you?

I totally agree with your wife. Your problem has now become hers with ride giving solely because for years you could not learn to drive one of the family vehicles.

My 16 year old son also learned to drive my standard once he got his license in case of emergencies, so he could drive my car.


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

roverforever said:


> Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.
> 
> I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying. Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.
> 
> I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?


I agree with your wife. How do you give up learning to drive a standard? You must have a very very low threshold for frustration tolerance if you weakly gave up on something so simple. 

I have an only child (but haven't been one) and I have friends who are only children and I can't really tell if this is a symptom of that. I think it is more a symptom of indulgent parenting than simply being a lone child.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Chiming in to add one more, I just remembered that my college boyfriend also learned to drive my standard, so he could drive my car in case of emergencies. It took him like an hour to learn AND not grind the gears.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Standard transmission cars are becoming very rare because the cost and efficiency advantage is mostly gone these days. That said, its not a bad skill to have. Some people just like driving them, and in that case its not crazy to get one. 

It takes some practice, but I don't think its a bad idea to learn.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

It should take no more than an hour to be able to lear to safely get form point a to point b in a standard. Everyone should learn on a standard. If I were your wife I would be annoyed with you. It sounds like you must have put in very little effort, it's not that hard.


----------



## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

My wife sucks at driving standard. BUT....She can do it. It is a life skill and very utilitarian. I'm thinking you have a lot of misgivings in social queues and mechanical skills? How old are you and what are your family dynamics like?

One thing I am trying to see is if she sees an affable but limited partner that is weak and frustrated. NOT very enticing...


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

uhtred said:


> Standard transmission cars are becoming very rare because the cost and efficiency advantage is mostly gone these days. That said, its not a bad skill to have. Some people just like driving them, and in that case its not crazy to get one.


True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.

To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Let me add to the pile-on. 

Big boy pants? Check.
Sippy cup in the cup holder? Check.
A little gas, a little clutch? Check.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


----------



## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

OP, it sucks that your wife wasn't willing to help you out. I am going to ignore the reason for it (although as someone who loves her standard transmission older car I can see where she might feel that you could have stuck it out to learn this pretty easy skill) and go for what might be the underlying issue.


Is Uber or Lyft etc available in your area? She might feel like you should be able to take care of yourself in these kinds of situations.


----------



## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

.


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Jeez, just learn how to drive the damn car. Any person, absent of disability, can learn to drive a car with a manual transmission. Sounds like you just don't want to. 

Accept the consequences and call Uber. Your wife doesn't want to be your mommy.


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

roverforever said:


> I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them.


It sounds like you get frustrated easily. That's probably the core of these issues. You probably got frustrated trying to learn and gave up rather than keep trying. You CAN learn to drive a manual. There was a time when manuals were the norm and everyone knew how to drive a manual. What would you have done if you were back in the 60's and all cars were manual? 

So the problem seems more "I'm easily frustrated and exasperated" rather than "I'm incapable of learning a new skill." I hope that if you can realize that frustration is just a obstacle in your way, you'll learn how to deal with it and move past it rather than give up. You'll also have to keep this in mind if you ever have to deal with kids. You'll need to have infinite patience and understanding when they try to learn a new skill.

As for learning to drive a manual, like I said, anyone can do it. One of the easier ways to learn is to park the car on deserted road on a slight downhill. This is a trick to learn how to clutch without having to use the gas. The slope should be such that the car stays stopped without the brake, but the slightest push would cause it to roll slowly. You're not going to use the gas for this. Put the clutch in and put the car in 1st. Now sloooowwwwly release the clutch. There will be a point at which you feel resistance when it gets in gear. By gently pushing the clutch in-and-out at that point, you can get the car more or less in gear and the car will roll and eventually be driving in first. Then you can stop with the brake and try it again. Remember to press the clutch when you brake so it doesn't stall. Eventually you'll get the feel of how to release the clutch at the right speed to get into gear without stalling.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

We were in the same situation as you. If her car was not in service she couldn't drive my standard transmission... Not often, but it did happen. 

So I tried teaching my DW to drive my 5-speed. She got so frustrated with me and the car, that she gave up and walked home from the car. The whole experience was a disaster and costly ($$$), as she threw out a bearing. 

Weeks later, we found a driving school that taught driving on a standard VW bug. Without the possibilities of my criticism and damaging my car again she was successful. So much so, she claimed my vehicle as her own and continued driving standard vehicles for more than 20 years. 

Like you, she is an only child. Unlike you, she has always been hell-bent determined to never be dependent on anyone... ever! 

It's not nuclear fusion, it's a car. Go take a lesson, get over that hump (resistance) and stop putting it on your wife. 

Best


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

What I'm not understanding is that if you could drive her car to the event, why did you not drive yours? Which leads me to thinking that you haven't driven any thing for 10 years. Feel free to tell me how wrong my assumptions are. But, to answer your question, I'll tell you my story.

At around the time my kids started driving, I started buying standard transmission vehicles. It wasn't really planned but the vehicle in my price range was standard. There were 2 immediate advantages. I stopped getting drowsy when driving. Standard transmission takes more attention. Second, I didn't have to share my car. One of my Daughters and my wife both tried to learn it but they were similar to you. So they had to drive the mini van. The kids would want to use a car and I would always offer mine. I always got the same reply, "I can't drive that." I'd reply "why not, is your left leg broken?" Eventually they just agreed that their left leg was broken and it wasn't going to heal. 

The moral of the story is, If I was your Wife, I wouldn't be encouraging you to learn Stick. I really liked having a vehicle all to my self. My current truck is Automatic, My family is so conditioned at this point that I really don't share now.
MN


----------



## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Dude, learn how to drive manual. Stop being a self entitled snowflake. 

I bought my first standard car at 18 and learnt how to drive it myself via books and instructional. It takes like 5-6 weeks before it becomes muscle memory and you don't even think about it anymore. Next thing you know, driving standard will be super easy

Your really struggling with life in something this easy?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> So I tried teaching my DW to drive my 5-speed. She got so frustrated with me and the car, that she gave up and walked home from the car. The whole experience was a disaster and costly ($$$), as she threw out a bearing.


Damn. How bad do you have to be to destroy a throw out bearing in a couple of days? Sounds like the previous driver put some hard miles on it 0


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Damn. How bad do you have to be to destroy a throw out bearing in a couple of days? Sounds like the previous driver put some hard miles on it 0


Somebody must have worn it out...  lol


----------



## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

I had to learn when I was 16. It was a little frustrating at first but you catch on really quick. It’s not that complicated.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I agree with your wife 100 percent. Anyone, and I mean anyone can learn to drive a manual shift. My boyfriend bought my first one and when we drove it off the lot, I had less than 20 minutes to learn how to drive it and get to work on time. You don't have the right to give up and then expect her to take up your slack. Under any other circumstances, I would be happy to drop you off and pick you up, but I wouldn't simply because you refuse to learn how to drive the car that is available. You don't get to bug me instead. Like she said, these are the consequences.

I will tell you that not everyone is good at teaching how to drive a stick. Many years before I began dating the boyfriend who bought my first stick, I dated a guy who owned a stick, but I couldn't learn how to drive it per his instructions. I also thought it was me, that I just couldn't learn how to drive a manual shift car. But the later boyfriend made more sense in his instructions. I couldn't believe how easy it was and realized it wasn't me at all, so maybe your girlfriend isn't the best teacher, but that's still no excuse to give up learning. Ask someone else to teach you.

Get this:
My 10 year old daughter learned how and when to shift the gears while I drove and operated the clutch. While I was taking her to school one morning (which was clear across town), she asked if she could change the gears, so I showed her where the gears were by the diagram on top of the stick and told her what they were for and when to shift. After a couple times of practicing, I was able to explain the concept of downshifting, so she learned it doesn't have to go back to 1st gear every time. Never a problem with her operating the gear shift every morning and every afternoon and other times we were in the car. When she got her license at 16, she asked me to teach her how to drive a stick so she could learn to operate the clutch too. She got behind the wheel, I told her the relationship between the gas pedal and the clutch and how to prevent clutching out, and she started driving with no further instructions. 

Maybe you should start driving it that way. Just get used to changing the gears while your wife is behind the wheel. Then get someone else to teach you how to operate the clutch.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

OK @roverforever I guess I wanted to ask another question. What is your place in life. Do you see yourself as a successful person? I ask this because I think there is a bigger issue here. You seem to be a guy who needs to be cared for. The women I know would find your attitude to be a major turn off and I think your heading for bigger problems with your wife when she realizes she married a boy and not a man. 

You need to become an independent man, take responsibility for yourself. It takes one or two days to learn to drive a stick. But the bigger thing is you don't seem to have the self motivation, self respect or will to take care of business. I mean needing to bum a ride from your wife is pretty embarrassing isn't it?


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

C3156 said:


> True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.
> 
> To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.



_"She went on to say that this was *another example* of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way."_

Her comment wasn't snarky at all since she said "another example." Only children are sometimes spoiled and undisciplined. She's saying, and has clearly BEEN telling him, that it's true for him. She's fed up and has decided not to cater to him as if she is his mother. She needs a man, not his mother's spoiled child. There's nothing snarky about her constantly having to point that out to him.


----------



## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Someone figured out early in life that if he gets frustrated someone else will do it for him. And my son, my only child will drive a standard shift car as his first car. I never want him stranded somewhere because he couldn't drive a stick shift. 

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


----------



## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

I have 3 cars with 5 speed manual transmissions and I have over 50 years of driving experience. With one of my cars, I was considering taking out the 5 speed and installing a 6 speed transmission. Practically, it isn't that cost effective so I didn't do it.

I never liked automatic transmissions. One of my bicycles has 27 gears, some gears are the same ratio but I really like the bike. Back to transmissions, I used to rebuild one model of automatic transmission for $300. Now automatic transmissions are more complicated and a low priced transmission rebuild starts around $2,000. Most repair shops don't rebuild now, they install factory rebuilt's.

If OP or anyone thinks a stick shift is difficult, how do people learn to fly a helicopter and especially fly in formation or do evasive moves to avoid enemy gun fire while picking up wounded solders back during the Vietnam and Korean wars.

OK, it is a little tricky with a stick shift to stop while going up hill and restart moving forward again, but it can be learned fairly fast using the parking brake as an aid. I remember working on an old Studebaker with what was called "hill hold" that made stopping and starting going up easy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hill-holder


----------



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

C3156 said:


> True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.
> 
> To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.


Some EU countries charge an extra 200 bux a week for an auto vs a manual


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If you take your driving test in Britain or Ireland in an automatic then you are not permitted to drive a manual. 
When I was younger I was sent to a job in England for three months. At the airport I was handed the keys to a car,it was manual and because they drive on the left the gear stick was operated with the left hand. 
Such fun!


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The two of you only have one car? So for ten years you have been having this same fight? Is it really so hard to solve this problem? 

A) learn to drive the freakin car already, stop being a quitter
B) buy a car with an automatic
C) get a second car
D) uber/bus/taxi/bicycle/feet
E) divorce, move back home to mommy


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

roverforever said:


> Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.
> 
> I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.
> 
> ...


I have not read other responses to your thread but tbh you need to grow a pair and stop whining. Why should your wife be inconvenienced because it is too much of an inconvenience for you to learn to drive a manual car, where is the fairness in that?

I have a friend whose wife insists she is driven everywhere by him because she doesn't want to drive (though she has a license), it is not helping the marriage at all. You need to put yourself in your wife's shoes. 

Sounds to me your wife knows you the best and you are probably selfish in other circumstances also but don't realize it, only children are often like this.

Solution: take the time and get over your frustration and learn to drive the bloody thing!


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

OP has not been back since his first post to reply...!

Obviously the information he asked for leans completely to: even children can learn to drive a standard, why can't you?


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I taught my son when he was 16 how to drive a standard. he didn't want to learn at first but I told him everyone should know how to drive one just in case.

He was a great student, learned well and guess what? His first car was a standard. LOL.

I'd be embarrassed if the OP were my husband. I'd make him wear a dress every time I had to drive his pansy ass somewhere because he couldn't learn how to drive a standard. Ugh.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I gotta tell you how I learned to drive stick. I live in a rural state and at that time kids got a daytime licence at 14. I worked summers cleaning dads cabinet shop. In the winter we burned all the sawdust and waste wood and a few mistakes in the old coal boiler. But in the summer the sawdust had to be composted. We would put sheets of plywood around the bed of the truck making a box 5' x 8' x 5'. I would fill that with sawdust. One day I finished loading the truck around noon, and reported to dad. He just said well go dump it. Of course I said I can't drive stick, to which he replies . . . . (yep you guessed it) "is your left leg broken?" Well by the time I drove it (3/4 ton pickup) 15 miles each way, I was pretty confident with that truck. It was years before I learned to down shift. And every new vehicle had an adjustment period. But like many I now prefer the Standard transmission for the additional control you get. 

My kids claim I'm a terrible driving instructor. But hey I didn't have an instructor. Maybe that makes my dad the better instructor.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I taught my son when he was 16 how to drive a standard. he didn't want to learn at first but I told him everyone should know how to drive one just in case.
> 
> He was a great student, learned well and guess what? His first car was a standard. LOL.
> 
> I'd be embarrassed if the OP were my husband. I'd make him wear a dress every time I had to drive his pansy ass somewhere because he couldn't learn how to drive a standard. Ugh.


Okay this made me really laugh!!


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

My STBXH and I had the same squabble! After our marriage, his car died, and he needed to replace it. He was used to a standard, and was concerned about buying one because I cannot drive standard. I told him that since HE was paying for the car, to think about what HE wanted, not what would be easier for me. I said that I would try to learn, but didn't make an promises. He bought a standard, and tried many times to teach me how to drive it. I was excited to learn initially, but found that I just couldn't grasp it, and couldn't get more than a couple of jerky feet before stalling out. 
Many tears were shed behind his wheel, and my heart rate and stress levels also skyrocketed, which he could never understand. After many failed attempts, I needed a break, and I pretty much never went back to learning it. It came up a few times, but I just said "no thanks", and the final time it came up, he actually got pretty angry with me, which I didn't understand given that I had made no promises in the first place, and was scared to drive it.

A lot of people here say it's simple; to some, sure! To others, it isn't. To boot, my STBXH was a university prof who taught people all the time. I will say though that I managed to get my best friend's car up to second gear in a big parking lot. She had a much better way of explaining things to me though.

So no, you're not the only one who's had that argument, and no, I don't think you're in the wrong. I do think though that you could maybe do something like take an Uber or taxi instead of asking your wife for a lift.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I was on a flight to Northern France which was diverted because of bad weather.The airline were going to bus the passengers to the original destination but I was in a hurry so I hired a car at the small airport we landed at.
It was a Renault and it was a piece of ****.
The gearshift was to the right of the steering column and it was a nightmare to drive.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

roverforever said:


> Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.
> 
> I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.
> 
> ...


I won't lie. I would be really annoyed if learning something simple was not achievable because you got frustrated and gave up. 



> Over the last 10 years, there is maybe 1 or 2 instances per year that come up like she mentioned above.


I wonder if it would be helpful more often but she does not mention it because she knows you cannot do it.



> I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.
> 
> Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that *this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way*.


This is telling. She did not express this very well, since your being an only child is irrelevant and a distraction. But YOU did choose not to continue to learn after getting frustrated. It seems that there are other examples of you "getting your way". It might be interesting to explore if there are patterns of this sort that she is resentful about. If it is just the standard transmission, then yah, suck it up Mrs Rover. But it sounds like she views this as an example of a prevalent pattern.




> I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying.


Do you only do things that you "take to well"? I would die of frustration if I had to cover stuff that my husband felt he could not do *as a pattern*.



> Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.
> 
> I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?


My husband regularly misses the example and thinks it is the problem. I would bet a dollar the transmission and the car are not the problem as she sees it. Else why would she say "just ANOTHER example"?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Eons ago, my then 15 year old nephew taught me how to drive a standard transmission prior to my purchasing my yellow VW Kharman Ghia Convertible.

And trust me, if I can learn how, anybody can learn how!*


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

While I think you should learn how to drive a standard, I am concerned with your wife's comment about you being an only child. That is really verbal and emotional abuse meant to force you to do something you don't want to do. 

It's true that you won't be able to have her just drop what she is doing and drive you somewhere, but it's also true you can rent a car when you need it, or better yet, get some nice looking woman to pick you up and take you where you need to go. 

Maybe that's not a good idea, but you get the point that she really is being way too controlling.


----------



## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> While I think you should learn how to drive a standard, I am concerned with your wife's comment about you being an only child. That is really verbal and emotional abuse meant to force you to do something you don't want to do.
> 
> It's true that you won't be able to have her just drop what she is doing and drive you somewhere, but it's also true you can rent a car when you need it, or better yet, get some nice looking woman to pick you up and take you where you need to go.
> 
> Maybe that's not a good idea, but you get the point that she really is being way too controlling.


Verbal and emotional abuse? It's disgusting that you would lump her trivial comments into the same category as people who are actually abused. You do a disservice to those that have actually suffered. 

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> While I think you should learn how to drive a standard, *I am concerned with your wife's comment about you being an only child. That is really verbal and emotional abuse meant to force you to do something you don't want to do.
> *
> It's true that you won't be able to have her just drop what she is doing and drive you somewhere, but it's also true you can rent a car when you need it, or better yet, get some nice looking woman to pick you up and take you where you need to go.
> 
> Maybe that's not a good idea, but you get the point that she really is being way too controlling.


:surprise:

That is absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe someone could type such crap.


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Everyone has hit the nail on the head. And here i was thinking about how to say "grow a pair" and learn to drive stick nicely to OP while reading the original post. Lol

Makes me wonder if people that struggle learning stick are those that drive improperly and use their left foot on the brake. Ive very rarely come across these drivers and thought WTF when I first did as my dad taught me obviously you dont use your left foot on the damn brake.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

There is nothing more fun than driving a stick. I must admit here to a highly illegal activity in my youth. I, to the great chagrin of my father, had a 68 Ford Galaxie Fastback,385 big block, Hurst 4 on the floor, shackles on the rear, big ass BF Goodrichs on the back. She moved. Shaking that car from 2nd to 3rd built me a bicep of steel. (My dad, one day grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and took me to his dresser. He pointed at a $100 bill, and asked me if I knew what it was for? I did not clue in, then he says, this is to throw your bail when they arrest your sorry ass, and take your shlt-box) Well, that Galaxie also won me some significant coin back in the 70's. I never dragged for pinks back then, cold hard cash was my thing. My GF at the time would tuck both stakes into her bra, and when (not if) I won, I got to take it out myself. Made enough one night to upgrade, 72 Plymouth Satellite, 383 power plant, top end everything, I taught my wife to drive a stick in that car. Stopped doing the drag thing when my eldest was born. 

Unfortunately, we both grew up, and entered SUV and minivan city. Missed the thrill of a throaty engine. Until I turned 60. She said to go out and get myself a toy. Thought it over, Camaro, Challenger, Mustang, then I passed an A4 Cabriolet. Went in and tested it, guts galore, moves well with an auto tranny. Convertible. 2 door, black. She is somewhat scared of it, but loves to arrive with the top down, the kerchief and sunglasses thing going on.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

OMG!!!!! I would hand in my man card if I could not drive a stick!!! I am always amazed when people say that!! I feel old but useful. I learned to drive a stick drive truck at 8yo! Come on man! Do you also wear white shorts with boat shoes and afraid to get dirty?


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

I don't think I've ever seen 100% unanimous responses on a thread that goes on for pages like this one.

Nothing new to add so I'll just pile on.

Driving a stick is a matter of letting off some pressure with your left foot while you add some pressure with your right. Seriously that's it. 

Anyone who says they have tried, but cannot drive a standard shift car is probably retarded to some extent.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

roverforever said:


> Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.
> 
> I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.
> 
> ...



Being that you have tried and don't really do well, nor like driving a standard, it seems you would not be likely to take it anywhere, except taking it out and washing it for her, or move it into the garage for her, or something else she needed you to do. She's using you like a rented mule. 




roverforever said:


> I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.
> 
> *Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual,* but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. * She went on to say* that this was *another example of me being an only child,* where *I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.
> 
> **I guess I have a much different opinion *and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one.


She makes you feel like you are wrong often, or you would not be looking for help. Your post shows you are emotionally beaten down and in need of compassion and respect. Her actions and words show she does not respect you. I don't know your situation. It seems an easy answer to "buck up" and so forth. It usually isn't, once you've gotten to the point of needing outside help on something like this. I'm sorry you are hurting. 





roverforever said:


> I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and *now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying.* Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess *I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her* had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.
> 
> I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?


I think anyone would have frustration from the disrespect you are putting up with. Maybe you need to take the advice of others here and work on yourself and what you need and want? Maybe read some books on finding your inner strength so you can get out of that situation. 

It sounds to me like she doesn't love you. First, there is disrespect. Then, verbal abuse enters into the marriage when she thinks so little of you. She then tells you she won't compromise, you have to do as she says. She then wants you to clean her car and put it away when she tells you. Is she your wife or your employer? Right now, I'd say your love is wasted on her.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

You end up living for the moment that the clutch engages and you have shifted to the next gear. That, and getting out of a jam without sending your car into a spin using the gearshift to slow you down versus jamming on the brakes.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Handle that stick buddy. Don't make her do all the stick handling...


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Handle that stick buddy. Don't make her do all the stick handling...


LOL!


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> Makes me wonder if people that struggle learning stick are those that drive improperly and use their left foot on the brake. Ive very rarely come across these drivers and thought WTF when I first did as my dad taught me obviously you dont use your left foot on the damn brake.


I drive properly, and I drive an automatic. I struggled in the past to learn how to drive standard on my H's car, and the last time it came up, he got bloody mad, which just made my anxiety levels rise. I drive well and have a clean record, and I don't use the brake with my left foot. I suppose I'm just too stupid to wrap my brain around it, and that's most likely what H thought as well, since he's the one with the 2 masters, doctorate and post-doc, and I have a measly trade school certificate. Personally, I "get" what OP is experiencing, and while learning a stick would be a useful thing to know, it's not imperative, and it's not going to make life better. OP just either needs to become acquainted with Uber or get his own car, an automatic.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Trident said:


> Driving a stick is a matter of letting off some pressure with your left foot while you add some pressure with your right. Seriously that's it.
> 
> Anyone who says they have tried, but cannot drive a standard shift car is probably retarded to some extent.


Like OP, been there, tried that, and all we got was a really jerky ride, and it took about 20 minutes for me to go about 4 feet. My H at the time tried to teach me on his old 1998 car; a girlfriend managed to get me moving in her 1997 car. Then H got a 2013 standard and said that they make the new ones really easy to drive and that I'd have "no problem". Yeah, right. And on behalf of those of us who cannot drive stick: thanks for that "retarded" comment.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> Like OP, been there, tried that, and all we got was a really jerky ride, and it took about 20 minutes for me to go about 4 feet. My H at the time tried to teach me on his old 1998 car; a girlfriend managed to get me moving in her 1997 car. Then H got a 2013 standard and said that they make the new ones really easy to drive and that I'd have "no problem". Yeah, right. And on behalf of those of us who cannot drive stick: thanks for that "retarded" comment.


You just need a good stick handling teacher.:wink2:

You not wetawdeded.....


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> You just need a good stick handling teacher.:wink2:
> 
> You not wetawdeded.....


You're right, I'm not, and didn't appreciate that other poster's comment one bit. Such a silly and juvenile thing to say. Maybe I'd have better luck with my current beau who also drives a standard. He's much more grounded and way less self-serving than my STBXH.


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Ursula said:


> I drive properly, and I drive an automatic. I struggled in the past to learn how to drive standard on my H's car, and the last time it came up, he got bloody mad, which just made my anxiety levels rise. I drive well and have a clean record, and I don't use the brake with my left foot. I suppose I'm just too stupid to wrap my brain around it, and that's most likely what H thought as well, since he's the one with the 2 masters, doctorate and post-doc, and I have a measly trade school certificate. Personally, I "get" what OP is experiencing, and while learning a stick would be a useful thing to know, it's not imperative, and it's not going to make life better. OP just either needs to become acquainted with Uber or get his own car, an automatic.


Im thinking it was the teacher. Seriously its not the hard.

BUT.....If you have some hothead idiot yelling at you? Not helpful. And some clutches can be touchy as hell and not very forgiving. 

Was he even smart enough to take you to say a giant parking lot with no one in it? 

Like you said its not imperative to learn but just realize it was VERY likely the teacher and not the student.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Ursula said:


> Personally, I "get" what OP is experiencing, and while learning a stick would be a useful thing to know, it's not imperative, and it's not going to make life better. OP just either needs to become acquainted with Uber or get his own car, an automatic.


Seems pretty clear that it would make HIS life better. 

Necessity is such a wonderful teacher, I bet even you could learn given no alternative.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> Im thinking it was the teacher. Seriously its not the hard.
> 
> BUT.....If you have some hothead idiot yelling at you? Not helpful. And some clutches can be touchy as hell and not very forgiving.
> 
> ...


I also think it was the teacher, which is ironic because that's what he does for a living: teach university level science courses. And no, I had wanted to go to an empty parking lot, but he said it would be better to start at home. The street is narrow to boot, and it's usually lined with cars. Backing up was easy-peasy, then I hit the street, and couldn't make the damn thing go!


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Cletus said:


> Seems pretty clear that it would make HIS life better.
> 
> Necessity is such a wonderful teacher, I bet even you could learn given no alternative.


If I had no choice, I would certainly try, and if nothing else, it would just take a very long time to get anywhere. Necessity is a great teacher, and it's also the mother of invention, but driving a stick still isn't the be all end all. If OP (and I) never learn how to drive a stick, neither of us will die, neither of us will get a deadly disease, our respective cities won't blow up, and a war won't suddenly break out. Sure, it would be handy, but I'm 40 and besides the time I was with H, who was forcing the issue, I've never NEEDED to have this particular skill. There are ways around it for the OP as well. The easiest solution? Get himself an automatic car. Bing, bang, boom, problem solved! However, I kind of think his wife issues stem from more than just a car.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> She makes you feel like you are wrong often, or you would not be looking for help. Your post shows you are emotionally beaten down and in need of compassion and respect. Her actions and words show she does not respect you. I don't know your situation. It seems an easy answer to "buck up" and so forth. It usually isn't, once you've gotten to the point of needing outside help on something like this. I'm sorry you are hurting.


It could go either way, I suppose. We will never know since OP has flown the coop. Certainly she could have a do no right attitude. But he could also see this as a signature small annoyance instead of a pattern as indicated by the wife's "example" comment. If giving up in the face of slight frustration is a pattern or needing to have his way is a pattern, I can see why the wife finds this more than a small annoyance.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Automatics are as good as manual today. There is no reason to drive a manual. She could easily trade in her car for a newer model that has an automatic transmission. He seems willing to do what she tells him. All he wants is an automatic. 



@NobodySpecial,

You know what? I was thinking. Yeah, I know that's not recommended.  Anyway, what if this was a sixteen year old kid and he was talking about his mother? I think that's more likely, since he left and he posted as a boy, not a man. Also, it is summer, huh?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Automatics are as good as manual today ...


... For the casual driver in a family sedan who commutes to work in no challenging conditions, never tows anything substantial, doesn't need fine control over compression braking and doesn't mind gear hunting when climbing an 18% grade.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Cletus said:


> ... For the casual driver in a family sedan who commutes to work in no challenging conditions, never tows anything substantial, doesn't need fine control over compression braking and doesn't mind gear hunting when climbing an 18% grade.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


Come on. What is she, a semi driver in Alaska?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Come on. What is she, a semi driver in Alaska?


No, I was referring to myself. I'm just a regular software jockey, and I have all of those issues when comparing stick to standard. I climb that grade 1000 feet twice a day going back and forth to work. I tow a utility trailer and soon a small camper on country roads. It's why I prefer a stick. 

Anyone who has ever been stuck in snow knows the difference between the two as well.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Cletus said:


> No, I was referring to myself. I'm just a regular software jockey, and I have all of those issues when comparing stick to standard. I climb that grade 1000 feet twice a day going back and forth to work. I tow a utility trailer and soon a small camper on country roads. It's why I prefer a stick.
> 
> Anyone who has ever been stuck in snow knows the difference between the two as well.


I had a full size half ton pickup with a tow package. The transmission was automatic and the rear differentials gearing was lowered. It had a Vortec V6 that produced near the horsepower of a V8, and at least as much torque. I drove loads up into the mountains of my state and had no issues. Transmissions are better now.

Yes, you are right. You can make a mistake and get an underpowered vehicle or a transmission and drive train that cannot handle the loads and hills. 

Still, I think this was a kid hoping to learn how to drive and was talking about mom saying those things to him, not his wife. Those remarks are something I could believe were from someone's mother.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Cletus said:


> ... For the casual driver in a family sedan who commutes to work in no challenging conditions, never tows anything substantial, doesn't need fine control over compression braking and doesn't mind gear hunting when climbing an 18% grade.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


And for me, doesn't need to get out of a ditch in the snow. How did I get in the ditch you ask? Never you mind.


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> And for me, doesn't need to get out of a ditch in the snow. How did I get in the ditch you ask? Never you mind.


That's what a winch is for.


----------



## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I thought lifting of skirt was how to get out of a ditch.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

2&out said:


> I thought lifting of skirt was how to get out of a ditch.


I would have to get home to put on the skirt! Anyway that and winches take too long.


----------



## Randy Lafever (Jul 8, 2018)

It took me seven years to learn how to drive an automatic transmission, some people are just not good with machines.


----------

