# You tested positive for what!?



## one_strange_otter

Ok, so I'm dating. Here's the first girl:

Date
Date with kissing
Date with more than kissing.
during week after that cold sore shows up on my lip
Next time we meet: HER "hey, what's that? O crap....now I'm probably gonna get them" ME "oh, sorry....I rarely get them but have had them off and on for about 13 years"
Next time we meet after that she has cold sore and is a little upset about it obviously.
We move on.

Second girl:
Date
Date with a goodnight kiss
Date with more than kissing.
During week after a cold sore shows up and pops up in casual conversation via text.
HER: "Are you effing serious?!! What did you give me!! I've been clean for 37 freaking years!! That's an STD!! Now I have to go get tested again!!"
Light bulb goes off......I remember my wife telling me about 13 years ago (after we were married and she showed up with a cold sore) that she has Herpes Simplex 1. Sinking feeling in my stomach ensues.
I go get full panel of testing. Negative for everything they can possibly test you for except HSV1.
Second girl is waiting her two weeks before getting tested.
We will hopefully move on.

Somewhere my STBXW is laughing or will be when it finally dawns on her she gave that to me all those years ago. She will consider it karma for me wanting to get divorced.

Now I have to try and date with HSV1.....great.....


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## Hope1964

Uh, something like 80% of the population has HSV1 you know. It isn't an STD.


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## CantePe

It is considered an STD actually but yes approximately 80% of the global population has HSV1.


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## one_strange_otter

I guess what I take away from the "re-self-realization" that I have herpes is now I have to approach dating entirely differently. Like if the date goes well I don't want to be saying after a goodbye kiss "Goodnight......oh, and enjoy that herpes I just gave you".....


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## Conrad

Do you feel it coming on?


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## EnjoliWoman

I have a friend who is SUPER paranoid about that. Fortunately she's in a serious relationship with someone who does not have it.

I dated the last guy for 8 months and he did have a cold sore once during that time (didn't kiss while it was active) and I never got one, have never had one.

It's so common, even though I don't have one and never have, I'm SURE I've been exposed to people who have and that's just sort of the risk you take. I never thought about asking before kissing. Don't feel too bad - I wouldn't expect it. 

You COULD simply bring it up next time by asking the girl if she's ever had a cold sore. If she says yes you can just say "what a PITA, right?" and move on. If the girl says "EW, no!" (20%, remember?) then just casually say, "I had one 2 weeks ago - so glad it's gone - they are really annoying!" and move on. She'll let you know if it's a deal breaker and you don't have to announce it like it's some big awful thing.


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## Hope1964

According to the dr. that we saw when my husband cheated, it's only considered to be an STD if it causes genital sores, and the only way to differentiate what's causing the sores is to swab them directly when they appear. She said a blood test doesn't even differentiate between type 1 and 2.

Anyway.


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## one_strange_otter

Hope1964 said:


> According to the dr. that we saw when my husband cheated, it's only considered to be an STD if it causes genital sores, and the only way to differentiate what's causing the sores is to swab them directly when they appear. She said a blood test doesn't even differentiate between type 1 and 2.
> 
> Anyway.


From a website I found that offers testing. They CAN tell the difference with a blood test, if they use one of the newer tests. Going to a Dr. with gray hair and calls everyone "sonny" will probably get you the older test that doesn't differentiate:

HSV-2 causes genital herpes. Genital HSV-2 infections affect 16.2% of people in the United States. Sexual contact with an individual who has a genital HSV-2 infection is almost the only way to spread the HSV-2 infection.

"Fever blisters" that appear on the mouth and lips are actually caused by HSV-1 infections. HSV-1 usually infects only the oral region but it can infect the genital region. HSV-1 can be transmitted by genital-genital or by oral-genital contact with another individual who has an HSV-1 infection.

To discern the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2, a blood test that uses IgG analyses can be used. These highly sensitive analyses work by determining the difference in a patient's immune response to HSV glycoprotein G (gG).


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## Hope1964

I think part of the reason the doc told us that was because she didn't want Alberta Health to have to pay for the test. Plus she was lazy. Or, maybe it wasn't available in 2010, I don't know. BTW she didn't have grey hair either.

Testing the actual virus is more accurate than testing for the antigen, though. And the only way to test the virus is to swab. 

Everyone I talk to about Herpes tests seems to have a different story about what they can and can't tell.

I wouldn't call cold sores an STD. I like Enjoliwomans approach.


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## one_strange_otter

EnjoliWoman said:


> I have a friend who is SUPER paranoid about that. Fortunately she's in a serious relationship with someone who does not have it.
> 
> I dated the last guy for 8 months and he did have a cold sore once during that time (didn't kiss while it was active) and I never got one, have never had one.
> 
> It's so common, even though I don't have one and never have, I'm SURE I've been exposed to people who have and that's just sort of the risk you take. I never thought about asking before kissing. Don't feel too bad - I wouldn't expect it.
> 
> You COULD simply bring it up next time by asking the girl if she's ever had a cold sore. If she says yes you can just say "what a PITA, right?" and move on. If the girl says "EW, no!" (20%, remember?) then just casually say, "I had one 2 weeks ago - so glad it's gone - they are really annoying!" and move on. She'll let you know if it's a deal breaker and you don't have to announce it like it's some big awful thing.


You're awesome....I like this approach....

On the site I paid for the tests from, they will give you a phone consult with a dr if anything shows up positive to answer questions....except for HSV1. Apparently not even the medical community is worried about it.


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## one_strange_otter

Conrad said:


> Do you feel it coming on?


Nope....I think mine are stress related. I've seemed to get them lately the first few days after I've been with someone for the first time. It's the only thing I've had to stress about really which is just the nervousness of being naked around someone new.


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## Conrad

one_strange_otter said:


> Nope....I think mine are stress related. I've seemed to get them lately the first few days after I've been with someone for the first time. It's the only thing I've had to stress about really which is just the nervousness of being naked around someone new.


Kind of like "show time"

It's a natural type of thing.

And, HSV1 is present in about 80% of the population.

Both my adopted kids get them - must have picked them up in the old USSR orphanages.

Zovirax ointment or cream really helps -and there are oral agents that are often reserved for HSV2.

BTW - be "really" careful with oral sex.

Yes, it will take root "down there"

Not as serious as HSV2 - but no one will thank you for it.


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## one_strange_otter

Conrad said:


> Kind of like "show time"
> 
> It's a natural type of thing.
> 
> And, HSV1 is present in about 80% of the population.
> 
> Both my adopted kids get them - must have picked them up in the old USSR orphanages.
> 
> Zovirax ointment or cream really helps -and there are oral agents that are often reserved for HSV2.
> 
> BTW - be "really" careful with oral sex.
> 
> Yes, it will take root "down there"
> 
> Not as serious as HSV2 - but no one will thank you for it.


Interesting trivia note.....During 13 years of marriage and having gone down on each other on a regular basis....neither of us ever exhibited symptoms of gential herpes....

I also can't really remember a time we did it with an open sore either though so maybe that is what helped keep it from occuring.


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## Conrad

one_strange_otter said:


> Interesting trivia note.....During 13 years of marriage and having gone down on each other on a regular basis....neither of us ever exhibited symptoms of gential herpes....
> 
> I also can't really remember a time we did it with an open sore either though so maybe that is what helped keep it from occuring.


That would be correct.


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## EnjoliWoman

one_strange_otter said:


> Nope....I think mine are stress related. I've seemed to get them lately the first few days after I've been with someone for the first time. It's the only thing I've had to stress about really which is just the nervousness of being naked around someone new.


GUYS are nervous about being naked? This is great to hear! Almost all of the guys I know, regardless of build, are proud just because they have a penis!


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## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> Almost all of the guys I know, regardless of build, are proud just because they have a penis!


Let me tell you a secret... That is, by and large, a poor act put on to cover the nervousness.


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## one_strange_otter

Ok, so the first girl I dated definitely got the cold sores from me. She's a little put off but understands it's not the end of the world.

Second girl is more than just put off. She'd like for me to pay for the test. Sounds fair to me. I was the negligent one (not that I was hiding it, we just never talked about it) so I don't mind paying.

My gut is telling me though if she's negative for hsv1 she'll probably want to cut her losses so to speak and want to "just be friends".

If she's positive then I'll hear about it for a while but then it will be an "oh well, nothing we can do about it now".

I just ran through a round of std testing on a full panel of like 10 different things and hsv1 is the only positive thing I have. So I don't feel like I should pay for anything other than the one thing I may have given her. I think that's fair.


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## Hope1964

I'm sorry, but she wants you to pay for COLD SORE testing?!?! WTF?? That's just messed.

How do you know she isn't one of the 80% of people who already has it??

Are people really this paranoid??


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## one_strange_otter

she swears that she got tested 2 years ago after she separated from her husband. She was working as a nurse at the time and they test for everything. She was clean and also swears over the past two years she has been celibate.

maybe I should pay for the whole thing just to verify she's being truthful. Don't know if her and I are going to be that serious that I should do anything other than finish what I got her involved in which is herpes.


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## Hope1964

I'd be putting her on 'ignore'. I cannot believe there's people who get this worked up over a COLD SORE. Wow.


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## 3Xnocharm

Hope1964 said:


> I'd be putting her on 'ignore'. I cannot believe there's people who get this worked up over a COLD SORE. Wow.


Yeah, talk about overblown! Geez! I have gotten cold sores for most of my life, and have NEVER passed it on to anyone else! Pretty common sense, dont kiss or do oral while you have a sore, or if you feel one coming on! My lip always starts tingling and itching a little bit in that spot where it always shows up, before the sore actually appears. I usually attack it with Abreva as soon as I feel it, and it really cuts down on the duration.


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## one_strange_otter

yeah, overblown is what I'm getting from pretty much everyone. 

Personally I think I'll start taking valtrex or something to help suppress it and so I can at least tell my dates that i'm on meds for it if the situation comes up in conversation.

I've never felt one coming on...just the beginning of the bump and by then it's most like been bubbling up for a day or two before. I hit mine with Abreva also and it still ends up taking a week to go away.


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## angelpixie

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, talk about overblown! Geez! I have gotten cold sores for most of my life, and have NEVER passed it on to anyone else! Pretty common sense, dont kiss or do oral while you have a sore, or if you feel one coming on! My lip always starts tingling and itching a little bit in that spot where it always shows up, before the sore actually appears. I usually attack it with Abreva as soon as I feel it, and it really cuts down on the duration.



Haha, 3x -- this was almost exactly what I was going to post! My ex and I were very careful whenever I felt like one was coming on, and we'd just abstain from kissing (or sharing utensils or drinking from the same cup, etc.) until it was healed, and he never got them from me. And we were together for a total of over 13 years. And the virus is shed even from the earliest part of an outbreak, before there's a blister or open sore. That's why I'd 'quarantine' myself as soon as I felt that tingle. 

I have no idea where I caught mine from, but I got them as a kid, too.

I used to take Lysine every day, and that would help, but Abreva is the bomb. Certain foods have an amino acid that will help trigger them: L-argenine. Things like nuts and chocolate are high in argenine. Lysine helps to counteract it. 

Yeah, cold sores are a bummer, but geez...


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## ScarletBegonias

I'd be really angry if someone knew they had hsv1 and didn't mention it to me,then I ended up with it too.If they didn't know,I'd be upset but I wouldn't blame them.

I get that something like 80% of people have it but that doesn't make it any easier to know someone you were dating gave you something that you'll have to live with for the rest of your life.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'd be really angry if someone knew they had hsv1 and didn't mention it to me,then I ended up with it too.If they didn't know,I'd be upset but I wouldn't blame them.
> 
> I get that something like 80% of people have it but that doesn't make it any easier to know someone you were dating gave you something that you'll have to live with for the rest of your life.


I agree. I think if you know you have it, you should mention it before kissing. And not put the person on the spot where to be "nice" they have to agree with you that it would be no big deal if they joined the 80%. You can't know what impact it would make on their life. Maybe they do a lot of presentations, maybe they work with patients with susceptible immune systems, maybe they work in child care (who would want a nanny or sitter with an active cold sore, caring for their infant? given a choice of someone else...) maybe they play an instrument that requires them to use their mouth. 

It's not okay to go around making decisions for other people's lives. That's the issue, not the cold core. I would be peeved. 

I'm nearly 50, have never had a cold sore and would like to avoid having any. I play trumpet. It's not up to someone else to withhold information from me prior to intimate contact...yes, kissing on the mouth is intimate contact. It is a big deal, to some people.

Majority has nothing to do with it.


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## ScarletBegonias

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I agree. I think if you know you have it, you should mention it before kissing. And not put the person on the spot where to be "nice" they have to agree with you that it would be no big deal if they joined the 80%. You can't know what impact it would make on their life. Maybe they do a lot of presentations, maybe they work with patients with susceptible immune systems, maybe they work in child care (who would want a nanny or sitter with an active cold sore, caring for their infant? given a choice of someone else...) maybe they play an instrument that requires them to use their mouth.
> 
> It's not okay to go around making decisions for other people's lives. That's the issue, not the cold core. I would be peeved.
> 
> I'm nearly 50, have never had a cold sore and would like to avoid having any. I play trumpet. It's not up to someone else to withhold information from me prior to intimate contact...yes, kissing on the mouth is intimate contact. It is a big deal, to some people.
> 
> Majority has nothing to do with it.


:iagree: exactly.I'm not feeling the cavalier attitude people seem to have regarding the cold sore issue.I'm not part of the 80% and I never wish to be part of it.


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## angelpixie

Seriously? Caring for an infant with cold sore? I cared for an infant (my own) anytime I had one. He has not gotten the virus. It is a matter of care and hygiene. If 80% of the population has hsv1, chances are very high that 80% of daycare workers, healthcare workers, teachers, nannies, etc., also have it. It doesn't mean that they are transmitting it to the kids. 

I understand now that there are people who consider cold sores enough to not have a relationship with someone, so I will be sure to divulge that to every potential relationship partner in the future.


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## angelpixie

And I want to add: I am not cavalier about passing it on to another person. If I was, my son and ex-husband would get cold sores, now, too. However, if someone would dismiss me as a relationship partner based on my having a virus that 80% of the population has (and which doesn't guarantee they'd catch from me), then fine. I'd rather know that, too. To me, that means there's a chance they will not be there to help take care of me if I were to be sick with something else that would possibly be contagious. That is part of being in a committed relationship/loving someone, too.


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## ScarletBegonias

angelpixie said:


> To me, that means there's a chance they will not be there to help take care of me if I were to be sick with something else that would possibly be contagious. That is part of being in a committed relationship/loving someone, too.


I respect this view and understand how you see it this way.

I think when you first begin dating there is no immediate loyalty like there is when you've been with someone for years.When you're invested in someone emotionally,married to them,and sharing your life with them it's different. Of course you're going to take care of them if they have the misfortune getting sick with something potentially contagious,you've committed yourself to them.
When you've just started dating someone,it's very different.I can't judge a person's potential for taking care of a sick spouse/partner based on whether or not they're willing to continue dating someone with a contagious and lifelong STD.


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## Almostrecovered

bet you already have it Scarlet, not everyone presents sores and are simply carriers


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## ScarletBegonias

Almostrecovered said:


> bet you already have it Scarlet, not everyone presents sores and are simply carriers


simply carriers...interesting.So being a carrier would mean you can pass it to others and they may show signs.I guess I have some phone calls to make to former lovers.


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## Almostrecovered

to add, you can easily get it by sharing a drink or spoon, you don't even have to kiss an infected person. It's just one of those viruses that majority of us have and most of us just get the occasional sore when sick with a cold or the like.


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## Almostrecovered

ScarletBegonias said:


> simply carriers...interesting.So being a carrier would mean you can pass it to others and they may show signs.I guess I have some phone calls to make to former lovers.



yup


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## ScarletBegonias

never gotten a positive result for any std,I wonder if a person would get a positive if they're a carrier?


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## Almostrecovered

and don't confuse it with HSV2, now THAT should be an up front confession with every partner


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## Almostrecovered

ScarletBegonias said:


> never gotten a positive result for any std,I wonder if a person would get a positive if they're a carrier?



it's not an std in the exclusive sense like syphillis, altho technically it can be passed that way


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## Almostrecovered

HSV1- usually oral, very common
HSV2- usually genital, much more uncommon comparatively

both incurable


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## Almostrecovered




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## ScarletBegonias

Well,the ex just said he never had a breakout.SO hasn't either.Son's father hasn't either.

yes,the more you know...the more you wish you could live in a bubble.


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## angelpixie

I have had cold sores since I was a child (not continuously, obviously). My mom also had them, though infrequently. Since I was not sexually active, and I didn't kiss my mom on the lips obviously, the mode of transmission was likely sharing a cup or utensil. So it is not a 'classic' STD. It's more like the strain of herpes that causes chicken pox/shingles.

And as an aside, that's another thing that has happened far less frequently since I've been away from my ex. I think I've had one since I moved out nearly two years ago. He really was bad for me on so many levels, lol.


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## ScarletBegonias

angelpixie said:


> And as an aside, that's another thing that has happened far less frequently since I've been away from my ex. I think I've had one since I moved out nearly two years ago. He really was bad for me on so many levels, lol.


I've seen people get them during times of severe stress so it would make sense that you have less after getting away from the ex


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## Almostrecovered

pucker up Scarlet











mmmmmmwhhhhaaaaa!!


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## ScarletBegonias




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## NoWhere

Almostrecovered said:


> to add, you can easily get it by sharing a drink or spoon, you don't even have to kiss an infected person. It's just one of those viruses that majority of us have and most of us just get the occasional sore when sick with a cold or the like.


Jeez don't tell me that. I thought I had OCD and cleanliness problems before.


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## Hope1964

People's bodies are cesspools of microorganisms - bacteria, viruses, prions and protozoa. The vast majority of them are completely harmless, or even beneficial. A cold sore is a nuisance, but unless you're immune compromised, it's nothing more. 

I have a degree in cell biotechnology, and I get irked when people diss microorganisms for no reason  They are probably the most misunderstood group of living things.


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## NoWhere

Hope1964 said:


> People's bodies are cesspools of microorganisms - bacteria, viruses, prions and protozoa. The vast majority of them are completely harmless, or even beneficial. A cold sore is a nuisance, but unless you're immune compromised, it's nothing more.
> 
> I have a degree in cell biotechnology, and I get irked when people diss microorganisms for no reason  They are probably the most misunderstood group of living things.


 As soon as I finish scrubbing my whole body with a SOS pad and bleach I'll respond to your post.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

My husband has had a cold sore once in the last 14 years I've known and been married to him. I've never had one. I never contracted it either and we've been together for this long. We still kiss just about everyday.


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## one_strange_otter

And she's positive....now let's see how she reacts.

(she smokes pot like everyday....i wonder if that keeps outbreaks down since you're rarely stressed when you're stoned all the time)


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## Pbartender

Hope1964 said:


> People's bodies are cesspools of microorganisms - bacteria, viruses, prions and protozoa. The vast majority of them are completely harmless, or even beneficial. A cold sore is a nuisance, but unless you're immune compromised, it's nothing more.
> 
> I have a degree in cell biotechnology, and I get irked when people diss microorganisms for no reason  They are probably the most misunderstood group of living things.


The January 2013 issue of National Geographic has an absolutely fascinating article on just this. With charts on how many and how many varieties on microorganisms live on or in each part of your body.

Only about one in ten cells in your body is human, and your large intestine alone houses nearly 34,000 different species of bacteria.

"All told, the microorganisms in your body can weigh as much as or more than your brain -- about three pounds in an average adult."


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## zillard

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, talk about overblown! Geez! I have gotten cold sores for most of my life, and have NEVER passed it on to anyone else! Pretty common sense, dont kiss or do oral while you have a sore, or if you feel one coming on! My lip always starts tingling and itching a little bit in that spot where it always shows up, before the sore actually appears. I usually attack it with Abreva as soon as I feel it, and it really cuts down on the duration.


I get a cold sore in the same spot on my upper lip once every year or two. Also always feel that tingle beforehand. Immediately apply Abreva multiple times a day. Keeps it small and is gone in days. 

From first tingle to days past well healed - no kissing or oral. 

Also have never given to anyone. No XGFs and not the XW (together 10yrs w/plenty of oral). 

Yes, new blood tests can differentiate between 1 and 2.


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## one_strange_otter

apparently I've been able to give it to two girls in the span of about 2 months just by kissing....one got it when I had and actual sore (yes there was alcohol involved in that decision to make out regarless). The other got it when i wasn't even having an outbreak and it was just kissing...


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## Almostrecovered

there are different strains and perhaps you have an aggressive one


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## zillard

just add to your online dating profile:

must have herpes


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## one_strange_otter

zillard said:


> just add to your online dating profile:
> 
> must have herpes


yeah, that'll get them filtered out real quick....lol

Nah, I'm gonna start taking valtrex daily at 500mg. Found a coupon on goodrx.com for 60 bucks on the 1g and I'll just split them in half. 30 bucks a month and I should be able to shrug off any concerns of passing it on...


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