# Ladies, please help if you can.



## salmonoid1 (Apr 1, 2014)

My wife has been sleeping in the guest room with our 4yr old for 1yr and 3wks. We do not have sex and haven't had what you would consider a sex life since he was born. She doesn't touch me at all, doesn't kiss me either. Sometimes I think that the only reason she married me was to have a child. I have asked her countless times to come back to our bed but she continues to sleep in the gueatroom with him. We remodeled his room with ninja turtles and all kinds of cool stuff. I thought that would be the end of it and we would have him stay in his own room since it's completion. This was not the case. She continues to stay in the guest room. She knows exactly how I feel about all of this as I have made myself VERY clear on several occasions. What should I do? How can I convince her that if it continues I will end up leaving to find someone who can fulfill my basic human need to feel loved and wanted?


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## Black Widow (Apr 1, 2014)

To be fair, you sound really distress by your wife's behaviour. I can't really comment as a nulliparous but she def. shouldn't be neglecting her husband. Has this been going on for 4 years? Perhaps an ultimatum is key, quoting from your post- "I will end up leaving to find someone who can fulfill my basic human need to feel loved and wanted?"

Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

When you discuss it, what does she say? What are her reasons for sleeping in the guestroom?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Did he sleep in your room until the room makeover and did the room makeover occur 1 yr 3 weeks ago?

Regardless, it's not healthy for any of you at this point. If you aren't all on the same page regarding the family bed and the only healthy way for that is when parents have sex elsewhere (besides the family bed).

I have often said I was a woman first, a wife second and a mother third. Women forget they were women first. Sounds like she has completely forgotten that she was ever a woman. She's getting all of her needs for touch and affection filled by your son while you get nada. She has really withdrawn and the only way to know is to have a deep conversation about this problem.


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## salmonoid1 (Apr 1, 2014)

RoseAglow said:


> When you discuss it, what does she say? What are her reasons for sleeping in the guestroom?


She started sleeping in the guestroom over a year ago after my son broke his leg. She would spend a few nights a week in there with him before but since then it's every night unless we have company. If I try anything she says "don't, we have company". It's not only about the lack of sex, there is no affection at all. She's just really awkward around me like she doesn't even know what to do. When we/I discuss it she doesn't say anything, it drive me nuts!


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

salmonoid1 said:


> She started sleeping in the guestroom over a year ago after my son broke his leg. She would spend a few nights a week in there with him before but since then it's every night unless we have company. If I try anything she says "don't, we have company". It's not only about the lack of sex, there is no affection at all. She's just really awkward around me like she doesn't even know what to do. When we/I discuss it she doesn't say anything, it drive me nuts!


I'm going to state the obvious .your wife is using the child to avoid having sex with you. The boy should be sleeping on his own.

You've made yourself clear to her so you're not lacking in your communication. I think she won't discuss it with you and 'doesn't say anything' is because she doesn't want to admit that she doesn't want to have sex with you.

How far are you prepared to take this? What I mean is, it's hard to resolve a marital problem when one of the parties won't even speak about the situation. Are you willing to separate - or hasn't it got to that stage yet?

I would also be wary about: 1. Her suddenly sexing it up for you for a couple of weeks then nothing, and, 2. Her wanting another baby and sexing you up to get preggers and leaving you sexless again indefinitely.

How's her health? Does she have libido? I suppose you wouldn't know.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

If she won't communicate with you, then you are in a tough spot. She has fallen out of love with you and wants distance, but doesn't do more than sleep in another room. You are headed for divorce. You can either take an active approach and tell her that you two need MC or you can just go ahead and file for D. But there won't be any fixing what you don't understand and she won't communicate.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

I saw some of the responses in your other thread. I have to agree that your wife has clearly fallen out of love with you. 

There are two different strategies that are usually recommended on this board. One is the "His Needs/Her Needs" and "5 Love Languages" strategy: read one or both of these books and use them to have your wife fall back in love with you. Personally I'd recommend HNHN first since it has an actual strategy outlined in it, but 5LL is also good!

The other, which may have already been recommended on the Men's Forum, is the Married Men's Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay, who apparently once was a member here. 

It sounds like you are solidly involved husband, working, helping with child care. If you have it in you, I think you can be successful if you can put in a big effort to get her back in love. It's not fair, but this might be one of those times where one of the spouses has to make a big investment and work a little (or maybe even a lot) harder than the other to get things back on track.

Good luck!


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

RoseAglow said:


> I saw some of the responses in your other thread. I have to agree that your wife has clearly fallen out of love with you.
> 
> There are two different strategies that are usually recommended on this board. One is the "His Needs/Her Needs" and "5 Love Languages" strategy: read one or both of these books and use them to have your wife fall back in love with you. Personally I'd recommend HNHN first since it has an actual strategy outlined in it, but 5LL is also good!
> 
> ...


Yes, totally not fair. But there you have it.

I think you need to decide if you are wiling to make that investment. I am not so sure I would be...so no judgment either way.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

She is not only ruining her marriage, but she is also damaging your son. He will grow up being needy and insecure. He will grow up with a skewed vision on what marriage is all about.


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