# Shy in bed, help?



## helpless_wife (Feb 15, 2010)

When we do have sex,we mainly do missionary, I feel really embarrassed to be on top, as its just to much exposure for me. I know hubby would like me to be more confident in bed, just cant seem to break the shell. I feel shy and quite embarrassed when he just randomly fondles me. If he's touching my breasts or other intimate areas I shy away and put the duvet over me, as I feel so shy and really cant help it. 

I know that makes him feel like I don't him touching me. And he has gotten quite upset with me recently as he claims I don't try to like 'it'. 

Please any advice on how to overcome my extreme shyness? This is the man I have two children with.

Really appreciate all you advices and experiences.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

I reckon non-sexual touch like massage is a very wholesome way to soothe away shyness. Pro masseurs will use towels to cover up the areas they're not actively working on. This helps keep people warm and preserves modesty. Maybe you and hubby could find a nice book on basic massage and learn to relax about touch and being naked together and who knows - eventually other pleasures may suggest themselves


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i can speak for your hubby as my wife does a few things like this when we are intimate. it absolutely pizzes me off that she is so "shy" that i have just gotten up and walked out. cant touch her breasts, keeps her legs together, her butt cheeks clinched. it screams "dont touch me" or "im not receptive to your advances". when you think of it, there really is no reason to be like this. he is your husband, and assuming all else is ok, he needs you to relax and be receptive during intimacy.


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## heynowusa (Feb 21, 2010)

Alcohol


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

I'm inclined to agree with heynowusa: a little liquid courage might do you some good.

You might also like the book _Exhibitionism for the Shy_.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

helpless_wife said:


> When we do have sex,we mainly do missionary, I feel really embarrassed to be on top, as its just to much exposure for me. I know hubby would like me to be more confident in bed, just cant seem to break the shell. I feel shy and quite embarrassed when he just randomly fondles me. If he's touching my breasts or other intimate areas I shy away and put the duvet over me, as I feel so shy and really cant help it.
> 
> I know that makes him feel like I don't him touching me. And he has gotten quite upset with me recently as he claims I don't try to like 'it'.
> 
> ...


First off, do you masturbate or watch porn? You seem generally embarassed about your sexuality and looks. That needs to slowly change...and the best way to start is doing it when you're by yourself. This will probably intimidate you (and i feel somewhat weird for saying it too) but go in front of the mirror and touch yourself. You'll probably be ashamed as hell of that, but think of it this way 'why should you feel ashamed of being with yourself and giving yourself pleasure?' Try to get used to this and realize there is nothing wrong about you or your body, that you look great and you're attractive. As for you on top, are you afraid that you're not moving right or simply feeling like you're too uncovered and exposed? If it's just the second one it might help to think that your husband has already seen you naked a LOT of times. If he's asking for more, that means something. 
But yeah the shyness you get over with practice and pushing the limits a bit from time to time. First becoming more confident about sexuality by yourself and then with your husband.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Don't know where your issues stem from, but I can tell you the impact that they have on your husband. Here is the message that he gets:
"I don't want you, and I don't care about what you want."

It's a flat out rejection. It eats away at his self-esteem and erodes the bond he feels for you.
Sex _should_ be a bonding, safe, and above all, enjoyable experience for the both of you. It's basic math. If your sex life is broken, your marriage is broken.

I would strongly urge you to consider seeing a therapist to address your feelings. We can provide advice and suggestions until we are blue in the face. Ultimately it comes down to you choosing a means of addressing the issue. If you avoid, ignore it, or deflect blame onto your husband for having sexual feelings for you (my wife did this) than invariably one of you will do something that both will regret.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I understand some of these things are Hard to hear, but still some good advice. 

Why do you think you feel this way? Are you SHY in all other areas of life ? 

Is it body Issues? 

Is it religious thinking? 

A combination of all 3? 

You talk about how shy you FEEL, needing the covers & all, but do you ENJOY his fondling you, his touching your breasts- if you have the covers overtop? 

Is this more a matter of "letting go/loosing inhibitions" or maybe you don't really care for the experience at all , which is another thing entirely? 

I used to be inhibited , mostly from Religious thinking, but I always Enjoyed the "Pleasure" from sex, so it was easier to overcome, but I wanted Sheets overtop for pretty much 20 yrs of my marraige.


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## sunrisehope (Mar 6, 2010)

There are some great books out there that have worked well for us. I will get the names and send them to you.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

i would tag on to deejo's comments: As an EX husband that had same type issue, your hubby is potentially being hurt.
Im not saying this to make you feel pressure. 

Just a suggestion:
Make sure you verbalize with him that you love him very much, you want to be more open and more to him and that you will/are working on it. You can also enlist his help by trying new things such as star suggested, explaining to him before hand how you want to try and why this may help you...
Baby steps but you cant stop pushing yourself.

Its tough. I think to myself, i know im not going to appear on the worlds sexiest man list anytime soon but i WONT waste my life worrying about that. Im going to enjoy the body I have and use it to the fullest.
Im POSITIVE you're a thousand times better than you're self assesment.

Last thing: If all goes well, your hubby is the ONE person in your life you say you love and will share certain things. If you're not going to be open with him. Will you ever? 

Openess=closeness. Let him be close to you.


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## 20years (Mar 8, 2010)

I agree with star' s question about the lights. After our son's were born and we headed through our thirty's into our forty's, my wife became very self conscious about her body. Lights off under the covers works for us now. Maybe its not the same no holds barred sex we had when we were younger but at least we can role from side to side to cowgirl to missionary and sty covered. spooning also seems to work. If your hubby needs a little visual stimuli, I suggest the shower. For some reason my wife seems more relaxed in there.


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## Flanders (Feb 26, 2010)

heynowusa said:


> Alcohol


This should do it. I'm a shy guy and this stuff really works.:smthumbup: It also helps me last longer, just saying.


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## WILLARD (Mar 11, 2010)

Come on people...is alcohol the best we can come up with. 
Firstly, HELPLESS WIFE needs to provide us with a few details:
Age of both parties, married how long, sex - how many times a week, and if possible, how she feels about herself. Some childhood issues we should know about. 
HELPLESS WIFE - You are among people who do not judge. Spill the beans...


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