# Hanging By A Thread



## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Hello,

I really need some women's perspective here. I am currently married, 4 years, together 6, we were best friends for 6 years before this. I seen her go through two abusive marriages and she seen go through my fair share of relationships. We have had our roller coaster rides, finances, housing, jobs, etc. We made it through all of it. In the beginning our sex life was amazing, of course over time, it dwindled. We just bought a house last month, been renting the whole time. One day a few weeks ago, we were talking and she just lost it and said "I'm Not Happy, I'm In Hell, I am Not In Love You, I dont want you to touch me.

Ok, insert getting hit by a bus here... Basically it turns out she has had these feelings for quite awhile and says its because were friends first and there are levels of love and we are not on the level we should be. Went to MC, not worth a hoot. She has been talking to friends, one our friends is dead set against us separating and is doing everything she can to help. We are still in the same house, separate rooms, very awkward, she goes back and forth on things. One day its we need to get the camper sold, the next, we really need to get this calendar hung up. She is going out more now, because she doent want to be here, she tells me where she is going and who she is with, which i have verified a few times. But there is a guy that she started texting in Feb, he is the last text before bed, several through the day and first in the morning. She went to high school with him, been 16 years. I have confronted her about, says things are to complicated with us, why would she add something like that into the mix. Our friend asked to and she says no. She has told our friend, she loves me more than anything, but the sex is hard because of the friend thing, which she misses dearly and she doesnt want me to be unhappy. i want to save this in any way I can. Any thoughts??


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## gardensparrow (Mar 19, 2012)

Oh, I'm so sorry-that must have been so devastating to hear those words from your wife. But, it truly sounds like you want to do everything you can to save this marriage. 

And, I think one key would be to see if your wife would be willing to attend some counseling with you before she makes any decisions about the future of your marriage. Of course, I realize she might not be willing to do this. However, I think it would still be worthwhile to go on your own. At the least, you could get some guidance on how to respond to her. 

Lastly, during my time working at Focus on the Family, I've heard this scenario brought up a lot (unfortunately). And, there's a great book out there that specifically address situations like these. It's called I Don't Love You Anymore and might be worth picking up online or at the library. Just a thought. 

In the meantime, I'll be praying that things will turn around in your marriage!


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## Confused42 (May 25, 2012)

You cant control her you can only control yourself. As much as it hurts leave her alone. If she loves you she will figure it out. But the more you push at her they more she will run. 

I just went through this myself in the last 2 months and it sucks.
You cant make someone love you period. You cant make another person do what you want. They have to want the marriage.

The fact that you guys were friends first should have made a great marriage for you. This is a cop-out on her part.

Work on yourself make yourself happy and everything else will fall into place.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Sounds like she is having an EA. Full blown.

Confront her. Say you want to see all her texts to this guy. Confront him. Tell him how you feel. Your pissed as hell that he is talking it up with a married woman.

He may not have the same feelings as your wife is & doesn't realize it is causing a rift between you two.

But.. nonetheless,.... I'd confront her & have her show you all texts for a few weeks.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

You were into her way before she was into you. She called it best friends, but you were hanging around thinking she'd eventually see you were the right guy for her. You got lucky. You happened to catch her at the right time, started dating and got married. 

Here's the thing. She was never "in love with you". She did what she thought she should do after her bad relationships.

You're a classic "nice guy". Her history says she desires bad guys. She's probably seeing one right now. You probably spend most of your time at home trying to make her happy, make her respond to you, and wonder why she isn't. She doesn't need to go find bad guys. She needs you to be a nice guy with a more dominant side to him. 

Go get yourself a copy of Athol Kay's Married Man's Sex Life Primer and Robert Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy.


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