# Need Honest Answers from men



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Hi, I Have been lurking on this website for a while.. Have gotten some great advice from reading everyone's honest answer to tough questions. I have a question for the men on this board.

My Husband and I have been married for 18 years. Marriage has been rocky at time but overall pretty good. About 8 years ago between the birth of third and fourth child I caught my husband using porn. He told me he used it off and on for the duration of our marriage but a lot the last few years as my sex drive had slowed down. This is true, with raising the kids and working full time in the evening life was busy and we were not having sex as much. I got really angry at him but we never really talked about why he was using how it made me feel and what not. Just kind of dropped it and thought he would stop.

Now for the last 3 years Our sex life has improved greatly. I started being more adventurous, wearing lingerie and the frequency has increased. I won't lie there still was time that we may go 5 or 6 days but I was unaware of how my husband would get irritable and not be able to sleep while he was horny.

Now 6 weeks ago I brought up the porn again and asked if he was still watching and he quickly said no, but later on told me that he had slowed down for a long time after the first time I caught him but was still watching in those times that we would go more than 6 days. He told me that in the last 6 month he watched it twice. We talked this time.. I told him how it makes me feel, he told me what he needed from our sex life and we are now having sex 5 to 6 times a week and we are really enjoying it. My husband has promised me that he will not watch it anymore. That he didn't understand how much it hurt me and our marriage as the first time I just got mad. He said he is happy with our sex life and as long as he can have his needs met by me than he will have no need for porn. He has told me seeing the pain I was in was enough reason for him to stop watching.

My question is should I believe him. Has any other man used porn to masturbate when the wife didn't want to have sex and then stopped using all together when sex life increased, or does porn have some other hold that I am not aware off. 

Thanks for reading and commenting.. sorry for the long rant. We have 4 kids and I want to save our marriage but I need to know if him giving it up is going to be hard for him but possible to do. P.S. He has been a great husband and father in every other area of our life.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Does he have an addictive personality? It is quite possible that he was never completely enthralled with porn but that it was a means to an end during the slow times in your intimacy. I would not borrow trouble so if he says he no longer needs it and prefers intimacy with his wife why would you not believe him? It can be guilty until proven innocent or innocent until proven guilty, it is your call but if he has not given you cause to doubt him previously, I would opt for the latter.

Personally I have never found porn particularly stimulating. It lacks reality and I am not very imaginative. I much preferred my wife and even invested in video recording devices, in years past before technology put a video recorder into telephones, so that she could make me homemade porn (solo of course) with her as the star. She was less than enthusiastic but that is a post for another thread.

In any event, for some men porn is actually not that captivating.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Omg yes.......I will be equally honest...when our spouses decide they are not interested in sex and will not even take the time to take care of your needs then us men revert back to what we did before our spouse came along.....and yes that includes porn at times. Men are visual creatures, and looking at porn helps in our masturbatory process. Now I agree it can get out of hand like anything else but it hasn't been an issue with me. But if your offering sex several times a week, and God love you, then there is no need for porn. Lucky man


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I wouldn't worry about it one way or the other. It sounds like everything else is going well for you, so I would just relax.

It certainly isn't worth wondering about your marriage!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

It sounds like you have a really healthy sex life. His porn uses hasn't effected that. I know it makes you feel insecure, but for most men it really isn't much more then a like how a vibrator is for women. It has not emotional connection for them at all. It's pure fantasy.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Google "Your brain on porn". Maybe have him check out the No Fap movement, maybe he'd be interested.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

The more important question, how long until you slack off on the 5 or 6 times a week. 

Yes I have to Q1, Q2 not really answerable as 'improved' was from hardly any to barely tolerable. But, on the rare occasion things approach what a fair minded guy would say is reasonable for a short period of time, there is no need for porn.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I had the same talk about sex with my wife, she hasn't change a dam thing. We went from 3 to 4 times a week to 2 to 3 times a month. It is to the point that resentment runs deep. And before anything is said she is a homebody, never goes out unless it is with me. The only thing she does is band with our kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Thank you for the honest answers. To clarify back in that point of our marriage I was suffering with postpartum Depression. Our marriage was not good at that time and I hold no angry at my husband for watching porn back then as I know I checked out... but the last 5 year I have gotten treatment and have lost 70 pounds and my sex drive has increased to where it was before the kids. In the last 3 year I can say that I have been horny lots of times in bed waiting for my husband to come to bed and he has been downstairs thinking I am not interested. I know poor communication on our part. We have worked on that.. so I don't see me reverting back to not wanting sex. What makes me upset now is all the extra things I do, bj for no reason, sexy notes, texts, different locations, lingerie, different positions...etc.. I think you get the point. I love doing all those things, I love having sex with my husband but if I am doing all this and he is still looking at porn It makes me feel like i'm not enough. I just worry is he going to miss that stimulation of looking at all those other girls and what happens when in the near future I am to have a surgery and be off work for 6 weeks and possible sex. Can men truly just use porn only twice in a 6 month period for masturbating purposes and not think about it anymore than that?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

The answer is yes....but let qualify that yes with this..
1. He does not have addiction problem
2. As you noted communication is expressed from both sides
3. Desire is there (both sides)
4. He is not suppressing anger towards you, for what he felt as the cold shoulder ( this is on him to fix)


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Daisy12 said:


> Thank you for the honest answers. To clarify back in that point of our marriage I was suffering with postpartum Depression. Our marriage was not good at that time and I hold no angry at my husband for watching porn back then as I know I checked out... but the last 5 year I have gotten treatment and have lost 70 pounds and my sex drive has increased to where it was before the kids. In the last 3 year I can say that I have been horny lots of times in bed waiting for my husband to come to bed and he has been downstairs thinking I am not interested. I know poor communication on our part. We have worked on that.. so I don't see me reverting back to not wanting sex. What makes me upset now is all the extra things I do, bj for no reason, sexy notes, texts, different locations, lingerie, different positions...etc.. I think you get the point. I love doing all those things, I love having sex with my husband but if I am doing all this and he is still looking at porn It makes me feel like i'm not enough. I just worry is he going to miss that stimulation of looking at all those other girls and what happens when in the near future I am to have a surgery and be off work for 6 weeks and possible sex. *Can men truly just use porn only twice in a 6 month period for masturbating purposes and not think about it anymore than that*?


All else being equal, and from what you describe here in this thread, then, yeah, it's entirely possible.

I haven't used porn in the entire four year relationship with my wife. To be fair, she is the one who will actually suggest we watch it together from time to time, so she has no issues with porn what so ever.


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

I think you should believe him. My wife and I have been married for 9 years and before we meet I watched porn frequently and just stopped after even though our marriage has been mostly with very low frequency of sex I never looked at it other then few times she wanted to watch together until she for various reasons told me to but if she started to have interest in us again I would stop with no problem.

Sent from my XT830C using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Daisy12 said:


> Thank you for the honest answers. To clarify back in that point of our marriage I was suffering with postpartum Depression. Our marriage was not good at that time and I hold no angry at my husband for watching porn back then as I know I checked out... but the last 5 year I have gotten treatment and have lost 70 pounds and my sex drive has increased to where it was before the kids. In the last 3 year I can say that I have been horny lots of times in bed waiting for my husband to come to bed and he has been downstairs thinking I am not interested. I know poor communication on our part. We have worked on that.. so I don't see me reverting back to not wanting sex. What makes me upset now is all the extra things I do, bj for no reason, sexy notes, texts, different locations, lingerie, different positions...etc.. I think you get the point. I love doing all those things, I love having sex with my husband but if I am doing all this and he is still looking at porn It makes me feel like i'm not enough. I just worry is he going to miss that stimulation of looking at all those other girls and what happens when in the near future I am to have a surgery and be off work for 6 weeks and possible sex. Can men truly just use porn only twice in a 6 month period for masturbating purposes and not think about it anymore than that?


From what you've written:

I really wouldn't worry about this. He doesn't seen to have a problem with it and from my experience-- there's nothing about the porn that is personal or whatever. I never really masturbated to it. I would just go to bed really wanting some action with the wife. I never really thought about any of the porn women during sex. Yes, I liked looking at sexy women's bodies. I didn't really expect the wife to look like that, still found her attractive as usual, and didn't compare her to them. 

Unless he gets addicted to it, I don't think it's a huge deal. However, I do think it's a negative influence on one's mind and is addictive and am glad I haven't used it in a year or two. I still get the urge to look once in a while. But no big deal. I'm fine without it.

I think he just gets the urge to see that crap once in a while and it's nothing to get overly pissed about.

Sounds like you have a great marriage, honestly. I'm jealous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Too much of anything is not good for anyone.

The bigger issue is if this is affecting his ability to perform and actively have a satisfactory sex life with you. if he is initiating and meeting your needs, I'd stop worrying.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I think we should refocus on the real question here.

Is it possible for a wife who has caught her husband watching porn to ever believe that he can stop? 

You seem determined to believe that he is still watching despite his assurances that he is not. You don't trust him on this. You seem to be determined to not trust him. Now as Trust is the thing that relationships are made up of, Are there other things you don't trust him on? Are you willing to trust?

Also it seems that you are worried about the fairness of what you are giving in exchange for his faithfulness. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Are you participating sexually against your will? (duty sex)


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> I think we should refocus on the real question here.
> 
> Is it possible for a wife who has caught her husband watching porn to ever believe that he can stop?
> 
> ...


This is the second time we have had the porn issue in our marriage so no... trust is not 100% there. It's not totally gone though. If we had of dealt with this issue 8 years ago when I first found it then I'm sure trust would be back now... but I didn't talk to him about it, just got mad told him to stop and he said he would. I trusted he would and have believed him for the last 8 years. This is part of the reason why I feel like when he tells me now that he wills top all together that it is not going to happen. I did not ask him this time to stop looking at porn.. I told him how it makes me feel and how it has negatively impacted our sex life but what hurt the most was the lies so I told him that if he feels like he is horny and I have not seem to be in the mood to let me know before turning to porn and if he does turn to porn be honest of when he uses it. This is what I asked of him, but he said he would stay away as he is torn up inside with seeing he pain and turmoil this has caused in our marriage and if he feel like he is not getting his needs met he said he would come to me and be more honest. I am not having sex with him now out of pity, I am starting to feel comfortable in my sexuality and am enjoying our sex life. It's not about fairness as much as mutual happiness. I am asking the question if men could really just give up looking at porn cold turkey after viewing it for 17 years as I am not trying to make my husband stop, just stop the lies and I worry that he is not being honest with himself and it may end up in another incident down the road which I do not want either.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks for the clarification Daisy. Your attitude is better than I had thought. You see clearly that the lies are more important than the porn. Make sure your husband is getting that message clearly. You will have to, at some point, remind yourself that this honesty is what you need most. 
For your reassurance a man who can use 1 or 2 times in six months in not addicted. I think there is good possibility that a man can give up Porn after a long time using. In my case, I've pretty much lost interest in it. I only use on rare occasions when mutually satisfying sexual intercourse has not and will not be available. 
MN


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Daisy12 said:


> I am asking the question if men could really just give up looking at porn cold turkey after viewing it for 17 years as I am not trying to make my husband stop, just stop the lies and I worry that he is not being honest with himself and it may end up in another incident down the road which I do not want either.


The answer to your question is, it depends on the individual. I know people who successfully quit smoking cold turkey and others who couldn't do it even after being diagnosed with lung cancer. 

The more fundamental issue is whether or not he really wants to. Understand that not all masturbation occurs because of a shortfall or inaccessibility to sex with a partner. There may be times he simply wants the different experience. Based upon you reaction, I don't see him feeling very comfortable telling you he was watching porn and I don't see why you would want him to. You really just want him to stop, right? 

Just curious, is it the porn or the masturbation? If he closed his eyes and masturbated while thinking of you, would that be OK? How about if he thought about other women when he closed his eyes?

Personally, I don't see casual pornography usage by men to be materially different than usage of romance novels/movies by women. 

I'm not telling you that you are wrong for your feelings. You are entitled to have your objection. We all have our boundaries and needs are needs. You need your husband to stop using porn. He may not be willing to. What will you do?


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## DrSher (Jul 17, 2016)

Dear OP. 

This is VERY individual, but my wife watches porn with me and we can use it to really get going. There are millions of different porn movies there, from the most romantic soft core to the point of cutting up each other with dull knives. I would assume you lean more towards the former 

Otherwise, you seem like a great wife, (not better than mine though, LOL) really knowing and understanding your man. Bless You. 

Will he see LESS porn as you get kinkier, hornier and hotter? I think it may very well end up being the opposite. I really don't think porn is anything but constructive for a healthy marriage. It gives lots of ideas for sex as well and the more sex you have, the longer you tend to live, so use it. 

(My wife makes half the heads (of women) turn as cute as she is. Still, I watch tons of porn when I have time and feel for it. She also LOVES looking at female bodies and has even been checking out girls for the type of boobs she wants next, LOLLOL. This is something she has always wanted and I have not even mentioned it. 

Anyways, just wanted to let you know that men are men; a tiger will eat, sleep and have sex; men are very irrational from a female pov about porn and it seems more hardwired to our DNA than saying good morning. This does not at all look like any problem to me. I think you are over-reacting. 

Finally: If you want to/ are able to, try to watch some porn yourself once. I would find a romantic straight sex between a couple. Try to imagine how it affects a man's brain. I love my wife to death; her butt in yoga pants takes people's breath away, but I still watch porn. Just like a friend of mine cheated on his fitness competing girlfriend while she was in Australia with something far less than average looking, to say such. 

Men's brains are also complex, just more direct in it's complexity, LOL.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It is possible that by trying to ban your husband from watching porn, you only encourage him to do it behind your back more because he's not 'turned on' by you nagging him.

Also, duty sex is not sexy, not for me. I put up with it for enough years.


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## PersonInSpace (May 19, 2016)

So, I have a sort of similar situation to yours, but with role reversal.

You can read my thread here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/336465-jealous-wifes-masturbation.html


Long story short I discovered my wife was choosing masturbation over me and flat out lying about it. I was dealing with a lot of rejection when trying to get sex and when I dug deeper I found out she was going solo, with porn all the time. This hurt me. Now the porn is more the less a tool for her to get off quicker and get the job over with so I'm not really upset with the porn as I am the rejection and deception.

From your situation it sounds like you guys have healthy sex life. So first there's a few things you need to ask yourself. 

1) Am I satisfied sexually and is he meeting my needs or leaving me high and dry?

2) Is he cheating on me or trying to cheat on me?

3) What bothers me more, the masturbating or the porn itself?

It would seem #1 is ok. It would seem #2 for you is okay. Your feelings on #3 will hold some clues for you to understand why this is bothering you.

As far as a plan of action, here's what you need to do. Don't bring it up to him for awhile and drop the subject. Take some time to reflect on why it bothers you, because chances are he doesn't understand. And if you don't understand clearly you won't be able to make him understand. 

Remember, it is scientifically proven that people behave differently when they know or believe they are being watched vs. when they know are believe they aren't being watched. Since he likely doesn't understand your feelings it's likely he'll continue, but he'll just do a better job lying in order to protect your feelings from being hurt and from him having to be bothered with it. 

During this time I would check his browser history or his phone. Try to understand his patterns. See what he watched and when. You might get a better understanding of what triggers him to watch porn or what types of porn and you may be surprised. Once you have a better understanding of his habits and your feelings about them you can re-approach the situation later and hopefully have better results. 

Remember, these days watching porn is considered very normal. That doesn't make your hurt feelings any less real, but most people will approach this from that standpoint first. 

Now I don't care that my wife watches porn and I understand sometimes people just have to masturbate. What hurts me is when she chooses that and either lies to me or ignores my needs. Today is a prime example. My wife is on her period and during that time refuses to fool around with me in any fashion. Totally off limits. But I'm 90% sure she masturbated today. When I check her phone I'm almost certain to find evidence of that. That is unfair, control and lying. 

It could be worse, it could be cheating. But I have an unfair sexual partner, and that's not cool. Question is do you have an unfair sexual partner or just a guy who likes porn on his time?


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## Fere222 (Jul 25, 2016)

I don't think there's anything wrong with a spouse watching porn as long as it is not excessive and taking away from your sex life. I would rather my husband watch porn then to have sex with another woman. My problem would be with dishonesty or lying about watching it. I myself have watched porn without him, not often but I have. We have a very healthy sex life. Try not to overthink him watching it....it could be something much worse. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## VizCaya (Oct 19, 2015)

A normal man might use porn to subsdize a lack of sex/quality sex .
If not used daily , it is noit an addiction 

My opinion is that when a partner becomes mature enough to consider masturbation as normal , that partner can enjoy any type of sex with a partner .

some men are LD , others are HD , what do you suggest to have a desire releived ?

and by the way most of us even the HD type partners disgust having vanilla boring sex , we sometimes prefer even MB over it .


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Thank you everyone for the advice/opinions. I have talked to my husband and I let him know that if this is something he needs to or wants to do that all I want is honesty and no more lies. He told me that he was devastated with how much this has hurt me that he has no desire to watch porn anymore. He said that he will be more vocals in his needs and if he feels we are going to long without sex he will tell me or he feels he needs more he will tell me. I don't know what to do. My husband is a wonderful man and I am inclined to believe what he is saying. Am I being naive?


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Daisy12 - I think you need to look at your desire to control / insecurity about this issue. 

We're a bunch of internet strangers. It sounds like he's legitimately remorseful about hurting you and you have a good sex life. Take yes for an answer and be happy. Stop trying to prolong this as a marital issue.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Daisy12 said:


> My question is should I believe him. Has any other man used porn to masturbate when the wife didn't want to have sex and then stopped using all together when sex life increased, or does porn have some other hold that I am not aware off.


There was a point a while back where porn was very appealing to me b/c of a lack of a sex life. Eventually though I got to the point where I found it easier to manage lack of sex by trying to shut myself off completely from any form of sexual stimulation. Things since though have improved dramatically, so I have no desire for porn if my W and I are having an active/healthy sex life. That being said, one interesting note, as our sex life has gotten back to being active, what I have found is that having sex kind of super charges my libido. The downside of that, with 3 young kids at home it is not always possible to do anything (we are as likely to have sex 3x a week as we are no sex in a week). Definitely makes it harder to keep myself in check, so I could see where some may still look to porn/masturbation even though they have a healthy sex life.


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## MikeTO (Aug 18, 2016)

Ask your husband to give you hugs or cuddling often and try the 30 second kiss a few times a day. It might help that you will want as much sex as he wants although you're pretty much doing that. This is suppose to help due the hormones Oxycontin produced by the brain.
Ask him to write a love letter explaining why he is watching porn. Don't judge him, instead ask him questions and try to resolve the issue.


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## Good Guy (Apr 26, 2016)

Personally I don't see a problem if you are both having good sex together regularly. If my wife masturbates regularly, looks at porn or reads erotic fiction, (she's done all of this with my knowledge) so what, as long as she comes to me for actual sex, and she the same with me. I do think this aversion to porn comes from a desire to control, and maybe insecurity.

Masturbation is often just a stress reliever for men at least.


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

Daisy12 said:


> I got really angry at him but we never really talked about why he was using how it made me feel and what not. Just kind of dropped it and thought he would stop.
> I hate to admit it but my wife and I did not TALK about our sexual issues nor any other thing that did or might have bothered us! We had such a good, friendly and LOVING union that I did not want to rock the boat so I clammed up early in our relationship even though I knew, from doing therapy, that talking about stuff was CRITICAL and my (late) wife was never much of a talker but her occasional "digs" told me that things were indeed bothering her! We committed the most serious blunder of all by FAILING to talk about stuff even if it was hurtful. I absolutely knew how to engage in a respectful, friendly discussion of ANYTHING but got timid after seeing how upset my beloved partner would get so I began sweeping things under the carpet to KEEP THE PEACE! In the end a lot of unhappy stuff began to pop up when my late wife no longer had the strength to hold down her feelings so I could see that her repression and Denial of her feelings was going to finally burst forth - and then she died!
> 
> Now for the last 3 years Our sex life has improved greatly. I started being more adventurous, wearing lingerie and the frequency has increased. I won't lie there still was time that we may go 5 or 6 days but I was unaware of how my husband would get irritable and not be able to sleep while he was horny. And I assume that he NEVER said anything!
> ...


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

Daisy12 said:


> Thank you for the honest answers. To clarify back in that point of our marriage I was suffering with postpartum Depression. Our marriage was not good at that time and I hold no angry at my husband for watching porn back then as I know I checked out... but the last 5 year I have gotten treatment and have lost 70 pounds and my sex drive has increased to where it was before the kids. In the last 3 year I can say that I have been horny lots of times in bed waiting for my husband to come to bed and he has been downstairs thinking I am not interested. I know poor communication on our part. We have worked on that.. so I don't see me reverting back to not wanting sex. What makes me upset now is all the extra things I do, bj for no reason, sexy notes, texts, different locations, lingerie, different positions...etc.. I think you get the point. I love doing all those things, I love having sex with my husband but if I am doing all this and he is still looking at porn
> Here is my experience about that. I now see that I selected porn over being in bed with my wife due to some subtle sense of fear of her and shame about myself, so looking at porn was easier, safer, a little more exciting but mostly more convenient and I could control the show or jump to other videos at will. For me, it came down to being safe, in control and finding a level of excitement that was not always there with my late wife. I am sure there is much more to this condition where I preferred sexy videos and masturbation over interacting with a REAL person which kind of goes back to how I started masturbating in the first place when having sex with some real person was not possible for me back then.


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

Daisy12 said:


> .....as I am not trying to make my husband stop, just stop the lies and I worry that he is not being honest with himself and it may end up in another incident down the road which I do not want either.


We started off with a pledge to be 100% HONEST withe each other and that worked "most of the time" but, when we got a computer and I had access to porn, I kept it a secret (lies) as long as I could but porn never became an addiction for me. When my late wife realized that I was looking at porn, she was a little upset but made jokes about it so I stopped out of respect and FEAR. There were very few LIES between us and we deeply loved and respected each other BUT........... we simply did not TALK enough - especially about things that bothered us and, she was so cool and non-verbal that it seemed NOTHING bothered her so we just fell into a pattern of IGNORING our feelings to KEEP THE PEACE.
Since both of us had survived bad family situations, being in a happy, trouble-free, SAFE union was all we ever wanted so neither of us had the courage to rock the boat once we found happiness and genuine LOVE here. The sad thing is that these LIES began to accumulate and it became increasingly difficult to be 100% honest while sitting here looking at porn while she slept or tossed and turned in our bedroom! UGH! It is so damned obvious what happened to us now that it's too late to get HONEST and stop the LIES! 
Being dishonest and COWARDLY wrecks most relationships and probably would have wrecked ours (no kids) eventually but my late wife crossed over before we had time to get real with each other.

Please, please, please do not allow fear, shame or anger to prevent you BOTH from talking about things and finding happy solutions through HONEST & courageous communication - especially for the mental health of your children!


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

Daisy12 said:


> I don't know what to do. My husband is a wonderful man and I am inclined to believe what he is saying. Am I being naive?


I'd say be willing to trust him BUT watch him! Don't let any LIES creep back into the marriage!


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## moth-into-flame (Oct 28, 2016)

5 or 6 days is enough of a stretch for me that I'd pull at it to porn. However if I were getting it 5 to 6 days a week, I wouldn't need porn. Your husband is high drive, like me. I need to orgasm at least once a day.

Should you believe him? I'd be willing to bet that he's not using it when you're having sex several times a week, but once you hit those 5-6 days without, he's firing up his keyboard lover.


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## moth-into-flame (Oct 28, 2016)

Daisy12 said:


> Can men truly just use porn only twice in a 6 month period for masturbating purposes and not think about it anymore than that?


Sure they can. If I'm getting it regular, I don't think about porn. It's purely a utilitarian thing. Means to an end. I'd WAY rather have the real thing. Back when I was married, we did it maybe once a week, twice if I was REALLY lucky. That was not enough for me, so I used porn in between.

When we were in false R and hysterical bonding (sex every night), I never thought about porn, not even once. I'd want to "save myself" for her. But if she wouldn't give it to me....


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

I travel frequently for work and as a result spend many lonely nights in hotels. I sometimes use porn to pass the time so to speak. My wife has always known this, we have even watched it together and often make our own. She always said she never had a problem with it till now when I caught her cheating on me. I think she's just using that an an excuse but thats a different topic. 

For me personally...when I sit in a hotel room and browse porn 99% of the time I will close the browser and navigate back to our personal porn photos and videos my wife and I have made and "finish" to those. My point being is I use porn as a stimulant and thus generate fantasies and scenes in my own head with my wife being the porn star in the end.

If your sex life is good at home in real life that may be what he is doing.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Yes, I agree with the first response. Porn is incredibly boring after a while as it's the same rubbish. I much prefer my (real life) wife but when she is not available, porn can provide a mean to an end, nothing more. My wife knows I watch it occasionally and while she'd prefer me not to watch it, she doesn't mind but I have told her if it bothered her, I would give it up completely. It is of no meaning beyond a quick relief.

I also did the same thing: videoed my wife and took some photos and I much prefer to look at her/us _because I can remember what it felt like_. the only problem is that I always get paranoid to make sure i click on the right folder next time we gather together for a family slide show...

It is biased advice but I wouldn't give him a hard time about it unless he does it obsessively and it has turned into an addiction at the expense of your love life.


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