# Enough is enough



## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

I've been married for 25 years and I am almost 50 years old. Was a housewife/a devoted/loving wife/mother.
I don't know how long my husband had been cheating on me but at least 2.5 years for sure and it's still going.
I tried VERY hard to save this marriage but unfortunately I cannot. My husband continues to cheat on me and flat out denies it!
He says "you are crazy" "delusional" but he cheats at work during his work hours. I don't know if it's his co-worker or a prostitute...
On Tuesday he came home with his underwear pulled up to his chest and his work trousers barely on.... even though he has a belt. Last week he came home and his collar on his polo shirt was all cruced inside/out (on back) thus telling me that he took off his shirt during his work. But when he left home he was all neat....

I am very scared! I am almost 50. I was a housewife. I have to start a brand new career. I went back to school to get a degree but it will take at least 2 years...
I am very afraid of loneliness... but at the same time I understand that I can't live in denial and pretend like nothing is happening... He obviously made his choice yet lying to me and tells me "I love you" with his underwear pull up almost to his chest.... He'd never came home looking like that other than for 2.5 years his work clothes gave me clues...
I also believe there's a semen/sperm stain on his other work trousers. I have not taken it to the lab yet but not sure if I should for the divorce. I was married once only and lived with this person for 25 years and thought that we had a good marriage..... It's devastating.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

That stinks Anna!

I left a semen stain on my underwear yesterday after having sex with my wife and I felt bad for her because she does the laundry. I can only imagine if it was some cheap floozy or tramp causing the stain.

I wish you good luck on getting rid of him and getting financial security for yourself. I wouldn’t believe his lies. The semen stains do not lie!


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

Congrats on making the decision to divorce your husband! When my husband and I separated, I was still a graduate student and the children went with me (this is what everyone wanted). He didn't provide much financial support, but I made it! 
Make sure you have a support system around you: family members, girlfriends, this forum, counsellors in college where you are studying. Two years will go by quickly and you'll earn your degree and start working. The hardest decision to make is to tell yourself that "enough is enough", and you've already taken it, which is empowering and emancipating, so you are a strong and intelligent woman. Good luck with the rest.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I can hear the pain in your words. I'm so sorry. 

It's scary right now, but you will be so much better off without him. You don't deserve his bad treatment of you, and he doesn't deserve you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If he refuses to admit to it or stop the affair then you really have no choices than to either end the marriage or live in pain.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Continually starting threads playing the damsel in distress is not helping you. Only a lawyer and a forensic accountant can.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ending a marriage is overwhelming. Some people want to rip it off like a band-Aid and get over it ASAP, others want to separate, and take it slow. 

But you have to do something or else your just living in hell. 

Sometimes we overthink everything and play everything over and over again in our head and we never move forward and we’re in the same place as we were years ago. Make a checklist of things you need to do, and do them. Check them off one at a time. It’s a way to have a plan and takes steps to move forward.


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## Lynnevicious (Apr 25, 2021)

Anna
Over the last several months on your threads, you have gotten some very good advice. No one can change your situation but you.

I know it’s scary and overwhelming, but you can’t waste another minute on this.

Did you open a new bank account yet in your name? Seen the lawyer?

I wouldn’t engage him anymore in regards to the cheating. You know what you know and you know he’s cheating on you... Dint drive yourself crazy with anymore of his lies.

You need to hire an attorney ASAP and start the process. Do not give him another cent. Start asking notes and detailed timelines of all the missing money.

Don’t expect your situation to change. Why would he change? He has control of EVERYTHING! Before you waste anymore of your good years left, be proactive and move forward.

You’ll probably be entitled to alimony and your share of the money he’s stolen but only if you actually start the process. It wont change by asking anymore andquestions and finding semen stains. Pull yourself up and start with your notes on everything you need to do and DO IT.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Lynnevicious said:


> Anna
> Over the last several months on your threads, you have gotten some very good advice. No one can change your situation but you.
> 
> I know it’s scary and overwhelming, but you can’t waste another minute on this.
> ...


Thank you very much! Yes, I've opened my own bank account (just on my name) and I've been making a direct deposit there from one of my part-time jobs. My other income he has full ownership as of right now! I did not know about it until we started doing separate tax returns this year. Before we always did joined tax return and I never knew that he intentionally blocked my name on Google Ad Sense and made it on his name. I don't earn much money there (a personal blog) but it's on his name and shows as HIS income! Even though ALL the work I do by myself ! 
I've asked many times about detailed statements... He gave me passwords to bank accounts and credit cards. It's sooo confusing... my head is spinning when I look at it. Money going in, money going out, he has overdraft protection and $750+ were removed from overdraft but we had enough in an account to cover the costs... He didn't pay for an electric bill but told me he'd been paying! They cut off our electricity and the woman from Power/Light company told me "your husband didn't pay for 5 months". If he wasn't paying the electric bill then where did the money go??? He'd told me "he did" but when I was on the phone with an electric company and I was given them the check routing number, the woman on the phone told me "your husband just paid the bill". Then at the end of the week he told me "we don't have enough money to cover the $604 light bill. I have to use your check from your work to cover the payment". Instead of taken $604 from me for the bill he took from me $1548.38!!! I've asked him why did you take my entire check if the bill was only for $604?" His reply was "to cover the bills".....what bills he never showed me! I've asked him and he just says "bills! Bills!" he gets very agitated and he stops talking to me. I react very bad on this emotional abuse and I get a feeling that I want to RUN away from home. I want to GET OUT and not see him anymore! So I go out for walks and call my friend. 

Thank you for your advice! Much appreciate it!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Damn. You are really scared to be alone. This guy should be dropped like a hot potato.
Do you just not want to work full time or are you just scared?


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

anna2020 said:


> I've been married for 25 years and I am almost 50 years old. Was a housewife/a devoted/loving wife/mother.
> I don't know how long my husband had been cheating on me but at least 2.5 years for sure and it's still going.
> I tried VERY hard to save this marriage but unfortunately I cannot. My husband continues to cheat on me and flat out denies it!
> He says "you are crazy" "delusional" but he cheats at work during his work hours. I don't know if it's his co-worker or a prostitute...
> ...


It’s pretty normal to be scared and devastated when something like this happens. The good news is that you aren’t alone. This whole site is full of people who had to start over. I won’t lie. It’s going to be one of the hardest things you face, but it’s survivable and it’s likely you will have a happier life. Before freaking out about finances. Go get a good lawyer, and let them help you navigate this.


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## Lynnevicious (Apr 25, 2021)

Anna,
Do you have any family or friends for support?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

anna2020 said:


> I also believe there's a semen/sperm stain on his other work trousers. I have not taken it to the lab yet but not sure if I should for the divorce. I was married once only and lived with this person for 25 years and thought that we had a good marriage..... It's devastating.


Get a good divorce attorney and do what attorney says. 

Unless you are Monica Lewinsky, I don't know if any lab would spend their time and resources testing some shmuck's pants for spuge, and if they did, they would you for way more than what good it would do you. 

Most states and courts couldn't care less if someone is cheating and it has no bearing on the outcome so it's probably not worth the gas money to even take the pants anywhere. Cheating is a crappy thing to do but it is not a crime, so going all CSI is not going to have any impact with a court. 

But check with an attorney. If you are in a 'Fault' state, it may or may not have any impact.


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## Yoni (Feb 7, 2021)

You are a strong person try keep a relationship. 
I can't imagine if my husband cheated on me if I could live and deal with it.

I probably left long time ago....
But 50 year old still good age for find someone who respects of you. It's not late.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Get a good divorce attorney and do what attorney says.
> 
> Unless you are Monica Lewinsky, I don't know if any lab would spend their time and resources testing some shmuck's pants for spuge, and if they did, they would you for way more than what good it would do you.
> 
> ...


Laboratories will do any type of analysis if they have the equipment and if they are paid.

@anna2020 Your husband has fraudulently altered your Adsense account. You need to contact Google Adsense Support to have this issue addressed. Google AdSense Community


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Lynnevicious said:


> Anna,
> Do you have any family or friends for support?


I have a mother who's 84 years-old, my son is going to university (out of state) and I have a few friends who are out of state and they have their own issues to deal with. I am grateful there's a forum like this one


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> Laboratories will do any type of analysis if they have the equipment and if they are paid.
> 
> @anna2020 Your husband has fraudulently altered your Adsense account. You need to contact Google Adsense Support to have this issue addressed. Google AdSense Community


THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Just submitted my claim! I've asked my hubby several times. He'd told me "it's for life and the only thing you can do is to make it as a corporation". But I know corporations pay more taxes... Hopefully they'll remove the ban from my name. I've never done anything against their terms of service. THANK YOU!!!


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Yoni said:


> You are a strong person try keep a relationship.
> I can't imagine if my husband cheated on me if I could live and deal with it.
> 
> I probably left long time ago....
> But 50 year old still good age for find someone who respects of you. It's not late.


He denies denies denies!!! Only he comes home with his underwear being pulled up out of his trousers and his Polo shirt would hang out of his trousers on back (not tucked in one end of shirt) and he'd tell me "it's being pulled up during the day". I've lived with him for 25 years and this has been happening only in past 2 years!!! For 23 years his polo shirt was always normal.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Get a good divorce attorney and do what attorney says.
> 
> Unless you are Monica Lewinsky, I don't know if any lab would spend their time and resources testing some shmuck's pants for spuge, and if they did, they would you for way more than what good it would do you.
> 
> ...


 My state is "not at fault" state  Otherwise I know a few states you can sue a lover for "lack of emotions at home"


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

anna2020 said:


> THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Just submitted my claim! I've asked my hubby several times. He'd told me "it's for life and the only thing you can do is to make it as a corporation". But I know corporations pay more taxes... Hopefully they'll remove the ban from my name. I've never done anything against their terms of service. THANK YOU!!!


Hopefully it will work out for you.


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