# Things I WON'T miss...



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

-dishonesty
-silent treatment for days sometimes weeks
-MIL crossing boundaries the entire 12 year M, coming into my house 3 hours before having to take the kids off the bus, treating my house as if it was hers, taking pictures of my daughter off the wall and replacing them with her pictures she likes
-setting myself up for no sex or disappointing sex
-paying extra for her health insurance because she gets a stipend. Then, when the 5k stipend comes, she pays off "her" credit card or buys herself something
-Seeing her mom 7 days a week because her mom is her "best friend"
-asking permission if I can take out kids out
-being told I'm "unsafe" to be around our kids because I take Ambien
-won't go to counseling because she's a "great" wife and mother and the problem is me
-"I'm tired, want a HJ tonight?"
-being told my daughter is not allowed to ever step foot in "her" house again (we both own the house)
-wondering who she is sending or receiving nude photos from
-constant phone usage
-never feeling like a priority in the M, not even top 3
-making excuses to my family for her
-arguing on every family vacation so that is what I end up remembering
-causing me to go down the rabbit hole one too many times at 2am
-opting to sleep with my 8 year old daughter instead of me
-in my kids 8.5 years of life, never having them by myself a single night
-not having boundaries with ex's and/or anyone of the opposite sex
-living with a slob that relies on her mother to wash her dishes, clothes and make her 44 year old daughter's bed
-did I mention dishonesty?


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

Sounds like a **** show, I wouldn't miss it either.
Hope things are better for you and the kids.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Question for the board, does it matter who files? We both have lawyers and both lawyers have indicated they will accept service from the other side. The thing is, time is on my side, financially. Time is not on my side mentally. I know it's personal preference, but looking for some advice.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

Generally, the advice is to be the one to file.
NY is a terrible state to divorce in, I wish you well.
You will mentally recover once you are away from her.
Best of luck.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The one who files is more in control of the process. Yes, if you file then she could counter-file or try to drag her feet or whatever but if she files then she can always dismiss the case whenever she feels like it and then you start over. Better for you to file.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I can identify with just about everything you wrote, but this one was the eye opener:

"-wondering who she is sending or receiving nude photos from"


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I wrote this out as a reminder to me on days I am having second thoughts. I might even add to the list as time goes on. I’m glad I am finally out of limbo hell.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

You should go ahead and file for the reasons stated in the replies above, otherwise, you are just following her lead.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I wouldn't live with one thing on your list. Never, ever, ever. 

Before you get involved in another relationship, you'll need to learn to love yourself enough... Enough to never live in that kind of hell again. 

Best


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> I wouldn't live with one thing on your list. Never, ever, ever.
> 
> Before you get involved in another relationship, you'll need to learn to love yourself enough... Enough to never live in that kind of hell again.
> 
> Best


I wish I could like this twice. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

RebuildingMe said:


> Question for the board, does it matter who files? We both have lawyers and both lawyers have indicated they will accept service from the other side. The thing is, time is on my side, financially. Time is not on my side mentally. I know it's personal preference, but looking for some advice.


It didn't matter for me. I forced her to do it because she was the one that wanted out. There was a minor fee to register it at court, and you actually had to go in and do it. 

It made no difference to the settlement or the legality of the thing up here. Might want to ask your lawyer.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Bumping for myself


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

More things you won't miss:



Being afraid! Afraid that she will explode, hurt you, or leave...

 Worrying about whether she's lying or not

 Worrying there is something going on behind your back when she’s always on the phone, texting and doing something and taking the phone with her everywhere.

 Feeling bad about suspecting her--feeling like you are the crazy one

 Wondering why she won’t tell you about her life or thoughts

 Fighting the temptation to look at her phone or tablet or computer "to check up on her" because you can't get a straight answer

 Feeling powerless 

 Pretending that you're not hurt

 Biting your tongue to not say what you really think or feel because she'd "get upset about it"

 Hearing the “subtle” remarks she makes about weight or sex so that you feel like an undesirable blob 

 Worrying about what kind of day she’ll have, is she in a bad mood, and will she take it out on you?

 When she says something thoughtless in front of her friends and then says "You are too sensitive! It was just a joke!"

 Feeling rejected when she doesn’t want to have sex

 Wondering why she doesn’t want to have sex with you

 Listening to her fart

 Staying up all night because of her extreme moods

 Listening to her whine and complaint about her life and resisting the urge to scream out that why the hell won't you do something about it then?!

 Getting frustrated when I try to suggest things that might make her feel better, only to hear the same excuses why she just can’t do that

 Feeling like you're not good enough for her because she's _____ and you're not.


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