# Really struggling with transition period....



## milltown01 (Mar 2, 2015)

I'm really struggling.

Some of you have probably seen my story around here before - so I won't get into too many details.

38 years old. Wife is 34. Been together for 12 years - married nearly 9. We have a 5.5 year-old-son and a 3 year-old-daughter.

In late 2008 we lost our first child - our daughter - at birth. It was emotionally devastating and I think it planted the seeds of our eventual separation.

Wife said she was out in March of this year. Divorce should be final sometime before end of July.

She claims I changed: I stopped being there for her like she needed me to be there for her. Our priorities changed: she felt I was more there for the kids at the expense of our relationship. We stopped communicating on the same level.

I will always think it was fixable and I've spent the last three months under the hood trying to find the guy I used to be - the guy she fell in love with and while we have had periods where it "felt" like things were hopeful - it has never been enough.

Now I discover she is most likely already pursuing my replacement.

We still live in the same house. We spend time together - for the most part good time together. We're actually getting along better than we have in a long time. We cook and eat together. We parent together. 

I know it's going to end - I'm not deluding myself that she is going to pull back and stop this at the last second. I have been working on myself and doing what I can to secure the best future for myself and my kids (50/50 split on custody and placement).

This transition period is just becoming SO brutal. I sustained myself with hope and the good times we shared between us - but now with that gone I feel really empty and the depression has well and truly set in.

I feel like I can't even look her in the face anymore. The despair just follows me around and all I can do is put on a brave face and act like everything is sunshine and blue skies while inside I feel like I'm caving in.

I actually called into work sick yesterday for the first time in a decade. I woke up and my body was just rebelling - I was in and out of the bathroom - my body aching. I spent most of the day huddled in bed or asleep on the couch.

I keep telling myself that I'll bounce back - that I'm a good guy - and I believe it - but right here and right now the pain is almost unbearable.


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## scienist2 (May 16, 2014)

I can offer my sympathy as I am going through something similar to you at the moment.

I have signed up for "DivorceCare Daily Emails" that have been helping me quite a bit.

Living with your spouse who is checked out of the marriage is nerve wrecking. I know it first hand. As my counselor told me- "the wife is checked out but might still feel guilty. That's why she is nice to you, wants to keep in touch, maintains the daily communication. If also softens the blow she is experiencing." Not sure yet what the solution could be. I guess the sooner people live apart the better in this case when reconciliation is not round the corner.

Gym has been a great asset to me. I do not go too often- twice a week- but it helps with sleeping and it's also nice to see some progress. I keep data on how much I lift. Those numbers are generally pitiful but keep going up. It's also great to spend some "quite" time with other guys there.

About the physical exhaustion- the same here. It passed in a couple of days. There was a nice explanation in the Divorce emails. There is some religion mixed in (I am not religious) but it's not excessive.



> Energy Distribution
> Day 9
> 
> Ideally, the amount of energy you expend each day is equally balanced across the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your life. But during and after a separation or divorce, your energy distribution is much different. As much as 85 percent of your energy can be diverted to dealing with the emotional upheaval, leaving only 15 percent to deal with all your physical, mental, and spiritual demands.
> ...





> Imbalanced Energy Distribution
> Day 10
> 
> When your energy distribution is imbalanced to such an extreme for an extended period of time, it is inevitable that you will experience an energy collapse.
> ...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

It will get better when you get her the hell out of your house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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