# The pain is consuming



## Never been so sad (Nov 13, 2012)

My husband left me 2 months ago, informing me that he was ending our 18 year marriage. He put all the blame of our failed marriage and his unhappiness on me. 

Things had been rough for about 3 1/2 years and I thought it was mid life crisis. The therapist I consulted said that based on his behavior, mid life crisis was probable and to leave him alone, or he'd get further from me. 2 1/2 months ago he stopped coming home some nights and when he did, it was well after midnight. He'd pick fights with me and leave. He denied another woman, but eventually admitted it, but said that it was over, but he was still leaving me because he stopped loving me and regretted marrying me. He wouldn't tell me where he was living and with whom. I have left him alone. A few weeks after he left me I learned through the grapevine that he and his girlfriend were buying a house together. I haven't even been served separation or divorce papers yet.

I know that I deserve better. I know that I don't deserve his abusive behavior. I just can't get over this hurt. How long will it be so painful? This is consuming. I've lost 37 pounds and can't concentrate. Yes, I am going to a counselor and am taking medication. I've never known such loss and sadness before. Thank you.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Yes. It's awful. Might be for a while longer. Everybody is different. If you keep a journal or blog frequently here you will start to notice that the monster will leave you alone from time to time. For many, myself included, the first three months were the worst. But it's not a picnic nor is it a race. Everybody experiences this on their own terms and processing it is individual. 

There are some tricks to gaming your pain. Search here for coping techniques. Being active in your rehabilitation helps; physical activity helps; and being out and about with other people helps create different memories and distract you. 

Sorry for your pain. It's an awful loss. Conspiring with new friends here helps too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

definetly what orpheus said, i'm sorry you are here so its a sad welcome, read here a lot, learn from our pain & experiences, get to know us, ask us questions, anything you might need just ask, my story is in the private section & i think you need 25 post to gain access. again i'm sorry you are here with us but nice to meet you


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Have you exposed the affair?


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Wow, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve it, but its life I guess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

It is very hard, it took me 6 months when my H left to be able to feel even remotely normal & even that was subject to change.
Like you, I was blindsided. For the first 3 months I could not drive anywhere without crying, but over time I was able to control the crying somewhat.
The main thing for yourself, is you don't own his bad behaviour. While you may have contributed to the marriage not being in a good place, the choice to leave & find another woman while still married to you is entirely your husband's choice.


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