# Protecting kids from the other man



## Crushed7 (Feb 29, 2012)

Is there anything legally that can be done to protect kids against being exposed to the other man?

My sister-in-law is currently having an affair with a married man who runs a business that caters to kids. Despite her husband's demands to stop the affair and keep their kids away from the the other man, she continues to visit the business in order to continue the affair and allow the other man to work on winning the kids over.

Her husband visited the man directly to demand all contact with his children stop and threatened to expose the affair to the other man's wife. The other man turned around and filed a police report alleging assault and harrassment with the threat to take legal action if he set foot in his business again or if he tried to contact him/his wife. The police served notice within hours.

If my sister-in-law, as the mother of the children, chooses to take them to the business, continue the affair in front of them and allow the other man to try and influence them, is there any recourse outside of the divorce that is inevitably coming?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

In view of the fact that the law is involved your SIL'sH needs to see a lawer to determine what legal avenues exist. Acting against a legal order or being arrested would not bode well for the BH in a custody hearing.

If it were me though, I'd find a way, by hook or by crook, to ensure the kids were not under his influence until the divorce was final.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

More info is needed...

What solid proof does the husband have of the affair? Let's start with that. He needs solid proof of the affair.

Then with solid proof, someone could tell his wife.. someone other than the SIL's husband would have to do this. 

Do the SIL's parents know that she is having an affair?

Advise him to lay low and not do anything yet until there is a solid plan. With the law involved he needs to do things carefully.


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## Crushed7 (Feb 29, 2012)

An extensive amount of texting activity is one source. Shrewdly, the other man has been lying to his wife for weeks that my sister-in-law and her husband are in the middle of a divorce and that he is involved with helping them out as a cover to justify his texts and time.

The only other physical evidence is a hard copy of a love letter in the other man's handwriting. It professes love, but no sordid details.

At this point, my sister-in-law wants the OM to commit to divorcing his wife and marrying her, so she wants the letter to get out to the OM's wife thinking that it will help her get the OM.

My SIL is massively messed up as this has become a pattern for her. She grows tired of the man she is with and pursues another. Her first marriage ended due to an affair. Her second (the one she is in) almost died with a previous affair several years ago and, it appears, she is ready to try again.

There is no doubt that it's all screwed up and that a divorce will be ugly, but the way the kids are being exposed to the OM should be criminal.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Crushed7 said:


> An extensive amount of texting activity is one source. Shrewdly, the other man has been lying to his wife for weeks that my sister-in-law and her husband are in the middle of a divorce and that he is involved with helping them out as a cover to justify his texts and time.
> 
> The only other physical evidence is a hard copy of a love letter in the other man's handwriting. It professes love, but no sordid details.
> 
> ...


How long has this affair been going on? 

It sounds like no matter what, the husband is going to divorce your SIL. So the goal here is to get the OM away from his children, not to also save the marriage.


It’s a shame that the husband talked to the OM and threatened to tell his wife. These things are best done when no one expect it.


The best way to get the children away from the OM’s influence is to break up the affair. The best way to break up the affair is to let OM’s wife know about it. Once his wife knows, he will be so busy trying to save his marriage that he will dump SIL so fast her head will spin. If he wanted to leave his wife, he would have already done so.



SIL’s husband needs to put strong evidence together and get it to the wife.


Does the phone bill show the number of calls and their length? Does it show the number of texts? 
Does the husband have copies of texts? He needs to get copies of them. 
He can get pictures of his wife going to the OM’s business often. 
Where do the cheaters go to spend time together alone? 


The idea is for the husband to put together as much solid evidence as possible: Phone bills showing all the calls/texts, copies of texts, the letter. Then someone, other than SILs husband, gets the proof to his wife. 

An alternative way to handle this is for SIL’s husband to file for divorce, state in the divorce that his wife is in an affair with the OM. Then he asks the court for an order to prohibit his children from being around the OM, the OM’s business and OM’s home. 

The husband will probably still need evidence for the court.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Or maybe someone should just encourage SIL to send that letter to the OM's wife... along with copies of the phone bills, texts, etc.

Is there anyone who could advise her to do this? :scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He needs to talk to a lawyer before he does ANYTHING that might get traced back to him. Even giving information to someone else to give to the OWM may be a weak defence, if it comes to that (and it's something that only the husband would have access to like a cell bill). He wouldn't be getting sued for slander or libel, but for harassment. I'm not a lawyer, but truth may not be a defence. 

The husband should talk to a lawyer regardless to find out what his options are. In some states, infidelity can be a factor in support and/or custody. Some states have an option for suing for "alienation of affection". He can also try for a cause in the agreement that prohibits either party from introducing new partners to the children for a period of time, but personally I've always doubted the effectiveness of that clause. But it's better than nothing.

C


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## Crushed7 (Feb 29, 2012)

Looks like the SIL can continue to mess up her kids pretty much all she wants.

I feel for my SIL's husband. He stuck it out after the SIL had an affair years ago that produced a child only to recently find out that she never really ended it. And that is a separate issue from the original topic of this thread. Yes, she has 2 OM in play now. The SIL's husband is looking at 10 years of betrayal and having to consider divorce where he forfeits 50% of everything and the default advantage goes to the woman for custody/child support/alimony. If only at-fault divorce were still an option.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Crushed7 said:


> Looks like the SIL can continue to mess up her kids pretty much all she wants.
> 
> I feel for my SIL's husband. He stuck it out after the SIL had an affair years ago that produced a child only to recently find out that she never really ended it. And that is a separate issue from the original topic of this thread. Yes, she has 2 OM in play now. The SIL's husband is looking at 10 years of betrayal and having to consider divorce where he forfeits 50% of everything and the default advantage goes to the woman for custody/child support/alimony. If only at-fault divorce were still an option.


No offence to the husband, but it seems like he had plenty of warnings that he chose to ignore. I'm definitely not saying he deserved it by any means... But if you keep petting a dog that's bit you multiple times, you can't expect too much sympathy. At some point, you need to get rid of the dog.

C


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

What can the man do? She's an adult, she can take the kids with her and really there isn't much the man can do.

From what was described I see a lot of flailing in the wind,no real strength. The man knows about the affair, has he filed yet? He has threatened to expose but hasn't. There doesn't seem to be any method to his actions, it's all out of emotion and that is dangerous.

I have no knowledge of the law but it seems to stop his kids from seeing OM he would need to have custody of them. Show the mother is being irresponsible by having them meet OM, use her history of infidelity against her (depending on if its a no fault state)

But as others have said, he needs to stop acting with the heart and use his head. Gather irrefutable evidence, devise a strategy with a lawyer and execute legal proceedings. OM is not afraid of him, exposing him and including the law might change his tune.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Lawyer up. And expose.

Should have told omw instead of trying to reason with some low life schmuck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

A nice cheaterville post would probably do his business some good
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If he has solid proof, then it isn't a lie or slander, but you need the proof.

Your SIL's husband should have booted her ass out a long time ago and since he doesn't seem to have the backbone to do anything about it, he's suffering for his mistake. I agree with everyone else. Time for him to et a lawyer and end this farce of a marriage. 

Lucky for the OM that the SIL's husband doesn't have a bad temper. I saw on you tube yesterday a guy who caught his wife with another guy in his own house having an affair and he drove his SUV straight through the house and destroyed the SUV and put a huge hole where the living room was. The video ended and I wonder what happened after that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Crushed7 said:


> Looks like the SIL can continue to mess up her kids pretty much all she wants.
> 
> I feel for my SIL's husband. He stuck it out after the SIL had an affair years ago that produced a child only to recently find out that she never really ended it. And that is a separate issue from the original topic of this thread. Yes, she has 2 OM in play now. The SIL's husband is looking at 10 years of betrayal and having to consider divorce where he forfeits 50% of everything and the default advantage goes to the woman for custody/child support/alimony. If only at-fault divorce were still an option.


Has her husband had a DNA test done on the child? This child might not even be his biological child. The test are not expensive and can be done without his wife knowing.

She was 2 OM in play now? Does this mean that she's having two affairs? Do both OM know about each other? Are they both married?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Also, tell her husband that he should not move out due to child custody issues. He stays in the house on matter what.

He needs to file for divorce and have his attorney put in it an order that neither spouse can move the child from the family home until custody/time-share agreement is made.

He also needs to get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and have it on him at all times when she's around. This is because once he files, she might try to drum up false abuse charges against him. With the harassment thing already he's in a bad place legally.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Crushed7 said:


> Is there anything legally that can be done to protect kids against being exposed to the other man?
> 
> My sister-in-law is currently having an affair with a married man who runs a business that caters to kids. Despite her husband's demands to stop the affair and keep their kids away from the the other man, she continues to visit the business in order to continue the affair and allow the other man to work on winning the kids over.
> 
> ...


Perfect example threatening to expose an affair never works.

He needs someone to contact the OMW and show her the proof of the affair.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Cheaterville.com is there because it works great. You can put the om on yourself and send his wife, among others the annonymous link. As long as you state what you believe is true, you are safe.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Saying truthful things will protect you from slander or libel lawsuits, but may not be a defence against a harassment suit. Please have him contact a real lawyer. 

C


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Time to lawyer up. Since he already had papers thrown at him he will need an attorney that understands this side of the law. Slander and libel are typically not an issue if the truth is told, but he should have proof. In many cases the spouse has every right to take the kids with her. The husband could do the same. I would file if the wife is that blatant. There are many folks that deal with this issue of the OM/OW being involved with the kids. It suc*s.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i don't understand how he(OM) could've gotten a RO just by being visited by SIL's husband. the authorities don't usually get involved unless there's evidence of continued harassment of some kind. there's something else going on here.

at any rate, this POS needs to be exposed. the BS should get someone else to forward the information(proof of the affair) to this OM's wife, now that he has been barred from contacting these people. the authorities can't do anything about _someone else _providing this info. to his wife. 

she needs to know.


furthermore, your SIL needs to be exposed as well, as this is not her first rodeo.


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