# Should I tell her employer?



## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Here we go... Married 12 years, 2 kids, the envy of all our friends, who thought we were the perfect couple. Grew up in the military, and whisked away a small town girl to bigger and better places. Lived a relatively extravagant life due to my professional success and income. Moved to a few places and ended up in a place we loved. 3 yrs ago took a great opportunity, which she endorsed, to make significant more money, but in a place we liked less. She got a new job, we steadily fell into a rut, and in January I found a lovey dovey, yet non sexual text message between her and her boss, who is married with 3 kids. 

It was severe enough for me to freak on her, yet stay in it and try to reconcile for kids, and 12 years of marriage sake. Ultimatum was obviously quit her job, and even offered to move back to place we loved, which my job would allow, and she would not need to work due to my income. Well 6 months later, no dice on the quitting, and I told her to leave. 1 month into separation, she moved out, and PI nailed her boss at her apartment overnight. 

He is the President of a parenting company, she is the Operations Director. 

I am about a week away from completing the attorney paperwork to file for divorce with cause, but I have this urge to blow her situation wide open with her company. People pay significant money to have this company give them parental advice, and it strikes me as unethical for this to come from a company whose top 2 ranking employees f'd around on their spouses and blew up the lives of 5 children.

Thoughts???


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Should clarify it is an international company, so her boss is not her employer, there are owners overseas whose reputations are at stake.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think the first thing you should do is talk to your lawyer, and make sure that her losing her job won't affect your support down the road. After that, I guess it's up to you. If it will help you move on, then I guess you should do it. But it likely won't help with your co-parenting relationship, assuming you have a relationship to deal with.

C


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

IMO, truth is, you don't care about the ethical standing of this company either, and you would do this with malicious intent of destroying their careers. 
Obviously, I would do the same but I'm crazy vindictive... so while I would totally support a move like that, it may not be the right move.  Would her loss of job affect your children negatively?


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

In my state, adultery is taken very seriously. My attorney and I are on the same page. Her losing her job would not affect me financially, and my kids are covered financially as well. There is much more to this, and I will, as I have been, the primary figure in my kids life. This would be 100% vindication. Is that so wrong?


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## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

PBear said:


> I think the first thing you should do is talk to your lawyer, and make sure that her losing her job won't affect your support down the road. After that, I guess it's up to you. If it will help you move on, then I guess you should do it. But it likely won't help with your co-parenting relationship, assuming you have a relationship to deal with.
> 
> C


Good advice here. Still would be nice to take some revenge on them for breaking up your family. Whatever you say, keep it factual. Provide some proof if you can without putting yourself or your source at risk. Wouldn't want to use proof taken from VAR hidden in her office at work for example.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

4 weeks ago we were amicable, I offered to put a down payment on a house for her, among many other things, and she acted as if this EA was just that and 6 months in the rear view. Our co-parenting relationship is shot based on my PI's findings. I likely won't do anything drastic, but the anger of the situation has me contemplating...


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

And all my proof is from a hired PI. It took him a whopping 2 days to get video evidence of in house banging.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

If this will not affect you children, I say GO FOR IT if it will make you feel better. Let's face it, you deserve some kind of enjoyment out of the crap they've created for you. You can sit back and laugh while their worlds fall apart as they've already ripped yours apart! I would say that catching her boss spending the night at her apartment is far beyond an EA... did I miss something? Also, did you PI gets pics?? Those aren't illegal in any court!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Sounds like you have everything covered, file with cause.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Man, you got this under control. You already know what to do.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Well, blowing this up *does* have the advantage of having truth on your side! She can't weasel out of this with the kids 10 years from now claiming that you two 'just couldn't get along' or you 'were a jackass' or any other convenient lie that puts YOU in the wrong.

Blowing this up may cause the families to take sides, leading to more stress/strain, hurt feelings for your kids.

The duplicity of people in the 'professional parenting business' destroying two families over an affair *is* pretty sickening, though.

Have you considered getting your ducks in a row, getting the info to OM's wife and letting HER blow the affair up?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

F her couch said:


> And all my proof is from a hired PI. It took him a whopping 2 days to get video evidence of in house banging.


Evidence of OM banging or evidence of OM entering the residence?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Betrayal on this level is difficult to bear. Couch, have you considered moving this thread to the Coping with Infidelity forum? Folks there have, unfortunately, a lot of experience dealing with this.

I understand your desire to take your wife and the OM down, given the blatant lies she has fed you. She is a classic cake eater. Forget getting her a new dwelling. Take care of your kids. Make sure she gets the bare bones minimum the law dictates and protect your assets.

I don't know where you live, but New York was the last state to abandon cause in a divorce action, and that was only a few years ago. Because of that, NY still holds to cause.

Heck, I live in Arizona, and this is a strict no-cause state. Your wife could have been caught en flagrante delicto, and it wouldn't have mattered a fig or been admissible.

You have the proof. What does your attorney suggest? And, again, I would request this be moved to the infidelity forum. JMO.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

F her couch said:


> And all my proof is from a hired PI. It took him a whopping 2 days to get video evidence of in house banging.


Yea do it and when she blows up at the children exchange just say oh well sux to be you.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> Heck, I live in Arizona, and this is a strict no-cause state. Your wife could have been caught en flagrante delicto, and it wouldn't have mattered a fig or been admissible.
> JMO.



Yep. I live in AZ too and it made no difference that my XH was a literal crack head who used in front of the children. Because we are "no fault" everything was 50/50 and I was supposed to pay HIM alimony because he wasn't working when the divorce was filed.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Okay no graphic sex video, simply him entering her apartment at 8pm and leaving at 7am, 2 nights in a row. Paired with the juicy text message. Not worried about the family taking sides thing, her dad screwed her mom over years ago in a similar manner, and her mom can't stop reaching out to me apologizing for how disgusted she is with her daughters actions. And she doesn't know the half of it.

Did I mention she still has stuff at my house, including a stash of birth control pills and an IUD prescribed by her doctor 3 months ago that I found looking for my daughters allergy meds? Needless to say we haven't smashed in 6 months...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

F her couch said:


> Okay no graphic sex video, simply him entering her apartment at 8pm and leaving at 7am, 2 nights in a row. Paired with the juicy text message. Not worried about the family taking sides thing, her dad screwed her mom over years ago in a similar manner, and her mom can't stop reaching out to me apologizing for how disgusted she is with her daughters actions. And she doesn't know the half of it.
> 
> Did I mention she still has stuff at my house, including a stash of birth control pills and an IUD prescribed by her doctor 3 months ago that I found looking for my daughters allergy meds? Needless to say we haven't smashed in 6 months...


Obviously you have already got all your sh!t together DO IT!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

After because you are filing at fault, make sure to have a hottie next to you during the next exchange, just a thought.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Heck her company may settle with you to keep your mouth shut, it does happen.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I would tell the OM wife first before anyone else. Have you told his wife yet?


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Hmm Tom hadn't thought of that - thing is I'd take her gettin' canned over a couple hundred G's.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

F her couch said:


> Hmm Tom hadn't thought of that - thing is I'd take her gettin' canned over a couple hundred G's.


Brother I like your thinking! You obviously do NOT live in california or you would be toast:lol: Do us a favor and let us know what transpired. I hope newbies read this thread.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

This guy. Wow. He's the man. Straight down the line, no messing about. An inspiration.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Hell, the night I found the text, I hopped in my truck, drove to the end of my street, and called the MoFo. When he answered, I said this isn't your girlfriend, its her husband, are you telling your wife or am I? A week later when I knew he was out of town, I took a copy of the text message I had burned to a USB drive and taped it to her mailbox. Didn't know where they lived, looked up tax records and found it on Zillow! Yes, she knows all about it. I've yet to tell her about the PI finding because frankly, it doesn't matter at this point.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

F her couch said:


> Hell, the night I found the text, I hopped in my truck, drove to the end of my street, and called the MoFo. When he answered, I said this isn't your girlfriend, its her husband, are you telling your wife or am I? A week later when I knew he was out of town, I took a copy of the text message I had burned to a USB drive and taped it to her mailbox. Didn't know where they lived, looked up tax records and found it on Zillow! Yes, she knows all about it. I've yet to tell her about the PI finding because frankly, it doesn't matter at this point.


Well I'll grab the popcorn the show is about to begin.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Holy crap. You've had your $hit together since day one! Why are you coming here asking us for advice? We should all be on your doorstep.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

The delivery of the text message was one week into our "trying to work it out". Probably counterproductive, but it had to happen.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

She wasn't trying to work anything out!! She refused to quit and she was obviously still in a relationship with her boss or he wouldn't have been sending the texts. Not to mention that a month later he was obviously banging her! Was probably going on long before that too!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Send him a dozen roses with " You're dead to me and your wife knows." Oh yea it will end then.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

I'm curious... you included his children when you mentioned the ruining of lives/homes. Do you know if his wife left or his leaving him as well?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

This is perfect War Of The Roses - YouTube


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

tom67 said:


> This is perfect War Of The Roses - YouTube


A local radio station does this on air every week except they offer "free roses". I keep wondering how stupid people are!!


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

Personally I'm all for destroying the OM/OW by exposing to everyone and anyone in their lives who will listen. If the WS isn't remorseful they can get it too.

The high road is overrated sometimes. Vindictive, petty, childish, sinking to their level, whatever I don't care. When I think about how I went after my W's OM I chuckle to myself and then sleep like a baby.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Refuse to be played said:


> Personally I'm all for destroying the OM/OW by exposing to everyone and anyone in their lives who will listen. If the WS isn't remorseful they can get it too.


:iagree:


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

Oh and big companies do pay big money to keep things like this between high ranking employees on the hush. I just got paid. The downside is I can't expose the OM like I wanted to though. 6 figures is nothing to cough at, if its that big of a company.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

9/9 War of the Roses!


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Yes his wife kicked him out and he promptly moved 30 miles away from his house to the same apartment complex as my wife.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yes you 110% abdolutely do tell the company.

Not out of revenge, but out of coming clean with the TRUTH.

Right now you are helping hide her and her bosses affair.

So far it's ripped your marriage and your kids family apart.

It's ripped the bosses marriage apart.

The two of them are also screwing over other people at the company eth their little secret, not to mention exposing the companies good reputation,

And by helping cover it up, it permits it to continue.

So what you do, is you tell the truth and nothing but the truth to the company, and then you walk away.

As they say the truth will set you free.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

F her couch said:


> The delivery of the text message was one week into our "trying to work it out". Probably counterproductive, but it had to happen.


Definitely NOT counterproductive. More BS's need to understand that part of a REAL R is shining light on the affair.

Affairs are like mushrooms. They grow in dark places built on bull sheet.

Had your STBXW actually wanted to truly R, the affair would've had to have been blown up in order for her head to get clear first.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maybe it would be worth it, if for nothing else than to bring your wife down from her high horse so that she doesn't teach the kids that it was a good choice.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

I would. Let the OM's wife know via anonymous letter.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Absolutely and the quicker the better. They might try to spin some yarn to ward off any consequences if you wait.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

F her couch said:


> In my state, adultery is taken very seriously. My attorney and I are on the same page. Her losing her job would not affect me financially, and my kids are covered financially as well. There is much more to this, and I will, as I have been, the primary figure in my kids life. This would be 100% vindication. Is that so wrong?


expose her if what you say is true.

why is it wrong to be vandictive?

if someone punched me I would punch them back.

but I question if what you think about her losing her job will effect your settlement.

now if it were me I would waight until after the divorce and then spill the beans.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since both he and your wife are separated, the court might not look at those pictures quite the same as they would if the evidence were collected while your wife was still living at home with you.

Be very careful of an attorney telling you that you have a slam dunk here. I quite believing such claims after getting burned by attornies with claims like this.

The fact is that an attorney can only guess what a judge will do with any evidence.

Often attorneys will make over confident statements. Then like this for the purpose of getting you to spend more money.

Let the disclosure unroll with the divorce. It is always better if she's employed during the divorce, infidelity or not.

Then as soon as you have a judgment, inform her employers.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Elegirl's advice has merit. I would expose to her family and close family friends, not all but those whose respect she values. To co-parent or not is not an option. Exposure to hurt her financially may not succeed since you lack proof of infidelity prior to separation. The best revenge would be to treat her indifferently. For you to go from loving her to not caring may eventually sting. Six months from now you may be dating someone younger, smarter and prettier. 

Her new love may not last, maybe it will die within a couple of years, without you having to do anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> Elegirl's advice has merit. I would expose to her family and close family friends, not all but those whose respect she values. To co-parent or not is not an option. Exposure to hurt her financially may not succeed since you lack proof of infidelity prior to separation. The best revenge would be to treat her indifferently. For you to go from loving her to not caring may eventually sting. Six months from now you may be dating someone younger, smarter and prettier.
> 
> *Her new love may not last, maybe it will die within a couple of years, without you having to do anything*.


Only about 3% of affairs last more than a few months after the divorce. And if it turns into a marriage.. 75% of those end in divorce.

There is almost 0% chance that her affair will amount to much more than an exit device.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

F her couch said:


> In my state, adultery is taken very seriously. My attorney and I are on the same page. Her losing her job would not affect me financially


It might damn well affect you financially when you have to pay alimony to support your wife who is now out of a job. Let your head rule over your desire for revenge. 

Even if your state takes adultery seriously, a judge isn't going to give you 100% of the marital assets, and let her join the public assistance rolls if you can afford to support her. 

Listen to Elegirl here. Exposing at their company isn't likely to do much to their public image since both he and your wife are separated from their own spouses. *Honestly the international corporate owners don't give a crap about your marriage any more than you give a crap about their marriages*. I know it sucks but that's the way it is.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Few things here. One, I will wait until after the divorce. Two, the PI pics came weeks after the separation, but I have a very damning text message including sending pics of himself to her, and language displaying everything but admission of sex. Finally, being a parenting com
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Company I'm certain the employer would not want this getting to their very large, high paying clients who administer this parenting service to thousands of families.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I would do it. The hypocrisy would be enough for me to expose at the company.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

What is parenting service?


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

You mean your state allows you to file "at fault" AND it affects the alimony/marital assets distribution?

My state allows fault but it doesn't matter when it comes to the split of assets... court doesn't look at fault.

In some cases fault is good because if anyone else checks her out.. well they will know what happened.

I would look into this again, you don't want to end up paying permanent alimony ... from what I understand you can come back to court after final D is issued and CHANGE the decree.

So... IDK if I would do it.. as much as you want to, and they both deserve it!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Put him on cheaterville.com. EVERY time someone googles his name, bingo.


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

I am a lawyer. If you are in the US, the employer owes you big $ ranging from low six figures on up.

In the US it is *MAJOR VIOLATION* of every corporation code for a superior to sleep with a subordinate. Once the employer knows you have a videotape of its president sleeping with an underling, it will start sh*tting bricks to make this go away.

At a minimum, the president is out of a job. He will be fired no ifs ands or buts. You wife as the underling will not be fired. However she will never again be the golden girl.

You need a legal specialist, someone who specializes in plaintiff employee law. There is a national association of such lawyers. I used to be a member 25 years ago. PM with the closest large city and I will send you the names of some lawyers.

Assuming you are telling the truth, they will be salivating at the prospect of your case. It is a slam dunk of gigantic proportions. I almost wish I was still practicing law.

Keep the videotape safe.

WWHT


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> Yep. I live in AZ too and it made no difference that my XH was a literal crack head who used in front of the children. Because we are "no fault" everything was 50/50 and I was supposed to pay HIM alimony because he wasn't working when the divorce was filed.


There is no statutory alimony in Arizona. I've lived here all my life and never heard of it. There is voluntary spousal maintenance, but both parties have to be in agreement on it and there is no statutorily set formulas for how much one owes another, and then it only lasts a certain number of years. 

Sounds like your attorney d!cked you over. You need to get another attorney on board and see if you can get this modified. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> There is no statutory alimony in Arizona. I've lived here all my life and never heard of it. There is voluntary spousal maintenance, but both parties have to be in agreement on it and there is no statutorily set formulas for how much one owes another, and then it only lasts a certain number of years.
> 
> Sounds like your attorney d!cked you over. You need to get another attorney on board and see if you can get this modified.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



No attorney involved at all. He asked for SM and was originally awarded because I was working and he was not. It was based on his "standard of living" while we were married and once I left him, because of his "psychological needs" (supposed drug rehab) he could not maintain employment so I was supposed to support him until he was done. Spousal maintenance is ARS 25-319. 
Didn't matter though. There were some years between the beginning of the divorce and when it was finalized and by that time I had met my current H who has always supported me being a SAHM. So by the time the divorce decree was signed by a judge, I was unemployed and they couldn't enforce a SM amount and it was written out. He was pissed! :rofl:


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

bunny23 said:


> You mean your state allows you to file "at fault" AND it affects the alimony/marital assets distribution?
> 
> My state allows fault but it doesn't matter when it comes to the split of assets... court doesn't look at fault.
> 
> ...


With fault, Alimony is 100% forfeited. Marital assets are split in an equitable manner. As I said there is a lot more to this, but Alimony is a non issue.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

Seems like a split decision. Waiting until D is final, what say you?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

F her couch said:


> Seems like a split decision. Waiting until D is final, what say you?


Well, like Refuse said he got 6 figures for keeping his mouth shut I know you don't care but-hold on- if you have what you say you have-you have to consider exposing before but get more than 1 legal opinion one more d lawyer and talk to an employment law lawyer. It's your call make an informed decision.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

F her couch said:


> With fault, Alimony is 100% forfeited. Marital assets are split in an equitable manner. As I said there is a lot more to this, but Alimony is a non issue.



Ah okay....

That makes sense.
In my case H makes the money (I quit my job to "save the marriage and go to school") 

He filed irreconcilable, but there is a lot of abuse/alcohol/cheating and I would have filed FAULT. He hasn't been able to find me to serve me so it actually may be dismissed so I can file.

If alimony isn't a concern then I would consider going for it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bunny23 said:


> Ah okay....
> 
> That makes sense.
> In my case H makes the money (I quit my job to "save the marriage and go to school")
> ...


Um... have you checked with your lawyer about your ex not being about to find you?

What I've seen happen is that if the spouse cannot be found/served then all he needs to do is to publish in the newspaper that he's filing for some number of days. Then he gets a divorce by default and he gets whatever he has put in the divorce papers.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

F,
It makes sense that you are furious. 

I believe you realize that there is a world of difference between applying leverage to maximize benefit and extreme vandalism.

Post divorce:
Fair game to tell her that at some point in the near future you will be disclosing the Presidents affair with her to the organization because he abused his position and by conducting this affair contributed to the demise of your marriage. 

She may ask that you hold off until she finds another job. Personally, I would give her some time to do that. 

She may ask that you simply not do it at all. No dice on that front. 







QUOTE=F her couch;4269466]Seems like a split decision. Waiting until D is final, what say you?[/QUOTE]


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

I have to chime in on this, as it hits very close to home. My wife had a years long affair with her boss (which she assured me were only friends for a long time until I took her to get a poly which she confessed in the parking lot, even after he was transferred) she went to see him 5 or 6 times over a 3 year period and he came up to see her a couple of time too! I'm in the middle of a divorce, which will not be final for 4 months yet, and my lawyer has told me that I should be receiving somewhere between 100-150 thousand to not expose this. I would almost give up the money just to be able to expose, but I could really use this to help raise my children.

Good luck to you. I'll definitely be pulling for you. I still don't think I know half of what went on, and probably never will, and I'll bet you don't either.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Does american corporate governance (which has become very strict for publicly traded companies) really allow payoff money to keep affairs between staff quiet? Also, obviously this would formally indicate that the company knew about the sexual relationship to the highest levels which could be problematic depending on the work relationship between the two. Other posts on this thread indicate that the company would need to deal with it as an HR matter (e.g. immediately firing the superior to avoid any appearance that it is complicit in harassment or coercion) which seems to contradict the notion of paying off third parties to keep it quiet.

Does anyone have an accurate view of this?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

F her couch said:


> With fault, Alimony is 100% forfeited. Marital assets are split in an equitable manner. As I said there is a lot more to this, but Alimony is a non issue.



And how are you so confident about this? I have never heard of a place where alimony is automatically 100% forfeited when there is adultery. 

Moreover, this is the mother of your children. So if she loses her job because of your revelations and has no alimony, what then? Your kids will see you as the Dad that threw their mother into the street and forced her to collect welfare or beg from others. I know you are angry, but try to look at the long picture here.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Yes - vandalism is ugly - and the kids DO NOT need their Dad lying at this point to. Which means he would have to admit to them that his sole goal was to hurt mom financially. 

By the way - can't hurt mom like that, without hurting the kids. 




Theseus said:


> And how are you so confident about this? I have never heard of a place where alimony is automatically 100% forfeited when there is adultery.
> 
> Moreover, this is the mother of your children. So if she loses her job because of your revelations and has no alimony, what then? Your kids will see you as the Dad that threw their mother into the street and forced her to collect welfare or beg from others. I know you are angry, but try to look at the long picture here.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

True. WS's future income buys the children clothes and food.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

couple said:


> Does american corporate governance (which has become very strict for publicly traded companies) really allow payoff money to keep affairs between staff quiet? Also, obviously this would formally indicate that the company knew about the sexual relationship to the highest levels which could be problematic depending on the work relationship between the two. Other posts on this thread indicate that the company would need to deal with it as an HR matter (e.g. immediately firing the superior to avoid any appearance that it is complicit in harassment or coercion) which seems to contradict the notion of paying off third parties to keep it quiet.
> 
> Does anyone have an accurate view of this?


I am a retired American lawyer. The answer is yes to your questions.

1. It is presumed to be sexual harassment. The boss is either explicitly or implicitly requiring the sex.

2. The boss because he/she is superior is presumed to have forced the relationship. Or he/she should have known better.

3. If the underling gets a promotion, the others passed up can sue claiming illegal preference.

4. The company chooses to settle because of the bad publicity. If it becomes public knowledge who knows what the ramifications will be.

WWHT


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

whowouldhavethought said:


> I am a retired American lawyer. The answer is yes to your questions.
> 
> 1. It is presumed to be sexual harassment. The boss is either explicitly or implicitly requiring the sex.
> 
> ...


That's pretty much it.:iagree:


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Theseus said:


> And how are you so confident about this? I have never heard of a place where alimony is automatically 100% forfeited when there is adultery.
> 
> Moreover, this is the mother of your children. So if she loses her job because of your revelations and has no alimony, what then? Your kids will see you as the Dad that threw their mother into the street and forced her to collect welfare or beg from others. I know you are angry, but try to look at the long picture here.


I live in SC. This is the way it is. The OP may not live in SC, but just answering your question.

"A spouse’s adultery is generally an absolute bar to alimony. See S.C. Code Ann. § 20-3-130(A) (“No alimony may be awarded a spouse who commits adultery before the earliest of these two events: (1) the formal signing of a written property or marital settlement agreement or (2) entry of a permanent order of separate maintenance and support or of a permanent order approving a property or marital settlement agreement between the parties.”). "

If my AxW does not behave during the divorce process, then I will use my big hammer. If his X lost her job because of the adultery, she can find another job. Bible belt kind of stuff.


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## Bean05 (Apr 23, 2013)

I think telling her company will just make a bad situation worse.. Even in just a practical manner, it risks her losing her job and that job helps support your children. Especially if you are getting a divorce and the children will be living with her at least part of the time. Plus, it's just that much financial support you may have to give her depending on the laws in your state.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

So many people here assuming she's going to get custody of the kids. Drop the hammer on her and go for full custody.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

toonaive said:


> I live in SC. This is the way it is. The OP may not live in SC, but just answering your question.
> 
> "A spouse’s adultery is generally an absolute bar to alimony. See S.C. Code Ann. § 20-3-130(A) (“No alimony may be awarded a spouse who commits adultery before the earliest of these two events: (1) the formal signing of a written property or marital settlement agreement or (2) entry of a permanent order of separate maintenance and support or of a permanent order approving a property or marital settlement agreement between the parties.”). "


I admit that looks pretty clear cut, but there may be other exceptions under that statute, the judge may have discretion, your wife might also accuse you of adultery too (with or without proof) or your wife might herself manage to file for divorce in another state. There is also the issue of child support as well.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

We're agreeing on split custody every other week, confident I could have more based on other details, but not fair to the kids. We've also agreed on a financial settlement, albeit not formally. She knows the deal with fault in our state. I'd wait until our D is final, and I'd prefer for her boss to lose his job, although she could easily find another if she did. Getting an offer of payment to STFU would have to be pretty significant to be worth my while.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She has not acknowledged a physical affair, right?

Does she know that you are going to file on adultery? Is she challenging that?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> She has not acknowledged a physical affair, right?
> 
> Does she know that you are going to file on adultery? Is she challenging that?


He has all the proof he needs.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> She has not acknowledged a physical affair, right?
> 
> Does she know that you are going to file on adultery? Is she challenging that?





tom67 said:


> He has all the proof he needs.


He might not. It’s not that easy to prove adultery. He as a picture of the guy entering the apartment. And he has a picture of the guy exiting the apartment. He might not able to prove that the guy was in the apartment all night. 

However, my question was not does he have enough proof. I asked very different questions.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

It sounds like he is going to surprise her with this which is the right move imo.


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## F her couch (Sep 13, 2013)

She knows nothing other Than the original text message. I have video of him entering and exiting, putting him there all night, more than once. She knows I intend to file with cause, but with the agreed on parameters custody and financially, in order to expedite the D. It can happen much quicker with cause, which I know she wants in order to move on with her plans with him. This will all be a big surprise If it happens.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

It was said earlier and I think it would be worth a few bucks to get a second lawyers opinion on the consequences of you reveling the affair to the employer. I think it is a good idea, the question is when and how.

I just would want to be 100% sure that all bases are covered when you spring the trap it will have the full effect of showing both of them cheating hurt people they once loved. 

1 lawyer telling you a slam dunk sounds very promising but in this case I myself would want to be bullet proof for the full effect. I know you may want to do this sooner than later.

But keep in mind, "Revenge is a dish best served cold"


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

How's it going, F Couch? I've followed this thread but only "liked" comments that pretty much echo what I would've said. It would be good to get an update.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

F her couch said:


> In my state, adultery is taken very seriously. My attorney and I are on the same page. Her losing her job would not affect me financially, and my kids are covered financially as well. There is much more to this, and I will, as I have been, the primary figure in my kids life. This would be 100% vindication. Is that so wrong?


If these facts are true.

Launch that nuke baby!!


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

F her couch said:


> In my state, adultery is taken very seriously. My attorney and I are on the same page. Her losing her job would not affect me financially, and my kids are covered financially as well. There is much more to this, and I will, as I have been, the primary figure in my kids life. This would be 100% vindication. Is that so wrong?


You are right to expose this affair. Expose completely.

Expose to OMW, OM parents, OM FB friends, WW parents, siblings, and WW FB friends.

Copy and paste their friends lists. Then send a message to each friend. Though you must allow at least 1 minute between each FB message sent so that FB will not think you are a spammer and block you.

Expose at work by writing to the CEO, Director of HR, and the Board of Directors. In that letter state what are they going to do about to bring an end of this work place affair.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

F her couch said:


> Hell, the night I found the text, I hopped in my truck, drove to the end of my street, and called the MoFo. When he answered, I said this isn't your girlfriend, its her husband, are you telling your wife or am I? A week later when I knew he was out of town, I took a copy of the text message I had burned to a USB drive and taped it to her mailbox. Didn't know where they lived, looked up tax records and found it on Zillow! Yes, she knows all about it. I've yet to tell her about the PI finding because frankly, it doesn't matter at this point.


This is proof you left something on the OMW mail box.

This does not prove that the OMW knows that her husband is banging your WW.

You need to follow up with the OMW to confirm that she knows that her WH is having an affair.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Leave it alone, let it go, be a bigger person here, let her figure her own life out without you exposing it all. Wish her well and move on. To expose is vindictive and what would you solve or prove?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP hasn't been on this thread since 9/17. Not sure why it was brought back to life. I'm guessing we will not hear from him again.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

F was last on TAM 10/17. Maybe he will let us know how he and his family are doing......


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