# Butlins adult theme weekends - wife going



## psychocandy

Those of you in the UK may have heard of these.

Basically, its a holiday camp where, during the off season, they have adults only theme weekends. Like 80s, 90s etc with tribute bands or whatever. Then theres fancy dress etc.

Due to its nature I've heard that it can be a bit of a shag fest for obvious reasons. 

Anyway, my wife has booked to go and I'm a bit worried (again). I trust her etc and am 99.9% sure she'd never do anything but I still dont like these weekends.

Shes been before and its all been fine, and she says shes jsut going for a girls weekend etc.

Any other fellas worry about things like this? Or is it just me?


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## okeydokie

um yeah, i would be worried and pizzed. do you do similar things? do you take off from her for days at a time and visit a place thats known for this type of activity? it isnt like she is going to and antique festival or a hobby workshop for gosh sakes.


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## hoping

ummm. i would say flat out "no, not with out me"  then again, i have put up with a lot and have no intentions of doing it any loner  i take it you have already told her your uncomfortable with it? so ask her if you can spend the weekend visiting singles bars? (with budies of course... you know, a guys weekend lol) maybe she will make the comparison


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## psychocandy

Thing is I dont feel I've the right to say - no you aint going. It also as if me saying that I dont want her to go is like saying I dont trust her also.

And yes, I've been away with my friends for weekends etc and my wife has said she'd have no problem with me going away on a similar thing.


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## brighterlight

PC, so if good looking bloke struck up a conversation with her at the camp and started sweet talking his way into her psyche; she would tell him to leave her alone - right? Ummm, No; as much as I trust my wife, we are all human and subject to weakness - most people crave attention. So, yeah I would be bothered by her going.

Have you had a serious sit down conversation with her about how YOU feel. About how YOU feel not her feelings on it. She needs to realize it is bothering you. Good Luck, I've been through this only in my case it was a nightclub - dancing - yeah right.


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## psychocandy

brighterlight said:


> PC, so if good looking bloke struck up a conversation with her at the camp and started sweet talking his way into her psyche; she would tell him to leave her alone - right? Ummm, No; as much as I trust my wife, we are all human and subject to weakness - most people crave attention. So, yeah I would be bothered by her going.
> 
> Have you had a serious sit down conversation with her about how YOU feel. About how YOU feel not her feelings on it. She needs to realize it is bothering you. Good Luck, I've been through this only in my case it was a nightclub - dancing - yeah right.


So are you saying you wouldnt let your wife go to a nightclub with her friends?

I'm sorry but thats well OTT.


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## brighterlight

Nope, not without me or one of my sisters. It's a meat market and it's already bit me in the arse once. Won't do it again even though she has changed.


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## psychocandy

brighterlight said:


> Nope, not without me or one of my sisters. It's a meat market and it's already bit me in the arse once. Won't do it again even though she has changed.


Yes. It is a meat market but there aint anywhere these days that aint.

I can see your point if your partner has had previous issues with this, but I';m not so sure as a general rule. My wife has never done anything and I cant stop her going out.

Also, I'd be peeved if she stopped me going out too.


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## psychocandy

I would disagree here. Maybe we come from different cultures but here in the UK, a night out for a lot of people (not all of course) depending on what u like is out in town for a drink, niteclub etc.

A LOT of married people will do this. I've been away on rugby trips invoklving drink, pubs, clubs etc.

However, WHEREVER you go, theres fellas on the look out. EVERYWHERE. Also, some girls too...

This Butlins thing is advertised as a fun weekend, fancy dress, retro music and bands etc. They cater for it as such. However, as per usual, you're gonna get some adult activity.

However, as I've since found out, there are LOADS of people who go just for the fun of it.

I just wouldnt feel comfortable stopping my wife going out etc. It would be me controlling her and not trusting her.

Am I right your in the US?


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## CMC125

P,

Did you not internet research it, its part shagging time.

I am perplexed via your post.

Almost as if you pushing your wife to alternate lifestyle.


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## cody5

What the f**k is it about these women? They think they can do whatever they want, regardless of how TOTALLY inappropriate, just because they tell you first? Nice to tell you, but you WON'T BE THERE!!

Here's the deal, man. My wife of 7 years, mother of my 2 children, got our second baby off of the breast, got in shape, and was out the door fast and hard. What could I say? It was just dancing with a girlfriend. But after much advice from folks on this board, I felt comfortable puttign a stop to it. And let me tell you, between what LITTLE she wold tell me, truth and lies, I put together a picture of a hard partying bar girl. Just "dancing" was a LIE. She was fooling me into thinking I would "unenlightened" to have a problem with her activity that ANY OTHER husband in the world would have put a stop to immediately.

Go on the internet. Google "singles vacations" or "singles cruises". Print out some literature. It's been a while, but "Hedonism" of "Hedonism II" would be good. Hand them to her and say"sorry you want to take separate vacations. I like going with you, but if it's what you want, we'll do it. I'm narrowing it down to these choices".

SHE CAN'T GO. And you are WELL within your rights to stop her..


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## psychocandy

CMC125 said:


> P,
> 
> Did you not internet research it, its part shagging time.
> 
> I am perplexed via your post.
> 
> Almost as if you pushing your wife to alternate lifestyle.


Hmm. Not sure where u get that from.


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## psychocandy

cody5 said:


> What the f**k is it about these women? They think they can do whatever they want, regardless of how TOTALLY inappropriate, just because they tell you first? Nice to tell you, but you WON'T BE THERE!!
> 
> Here's the deal, man. My wife of 7 years, mother of my 2 children, got our second baby off of the breast, got in shape, and was out the door fast and hard. What could I say? It was just dancing with a girlfriend. But after much advice from folks on this board, I felt comfortable puttign a stop to it. And let me tell you, between what LITTLE she wold tell me, truth and lies, I put together a picture of a hard partying bar girl. Just "dancing" was a LIE. She was fooling me into thinking I would "unenlightened" to have a problem with her activity that ANY OTHER husband in the world would have put a stop to immediately.
> 
> Go on the internet. Google "singles vacations" or "singles cruises". Print out some literature. It's been a while, but "Hedonism" of "Hedonism II" would be good. Hand them to her and say"sorry you want to take separate vacations. I like going with you, but if it's what you want, we'll do it. I'm narrowing it down to these choices".
> 
> SHE CAN'T GO. And you are WELL within your rights to stop her..


Confused here. So was your wife up to something or did you stop because you didnt like it?

I do think the term adult is being lost in translation somewhere over the mid-atlantic here....


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## cody5

Yes. I think the term "adult" is getting lost intranslation. I looked at the website and some YouTube videos, and it does look harmless. I'm just wondering what your concern was then. 

And yes, I stopped her because I didn't like it. Read my threads if you are really that interested. In the States, the types of clubs she went to are better known for hookups than dancing. Some girls go to dance, some to get laid. The ones that go to dance are a little less secretive than the ones that go to get laid. And for some reason, there is no lying involved with the dancers, jut the "partiers".


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## psychocandy

cody5 said:


> Yes. I think the term "adult" is getting lost intranslation. I looked at the website and some YouTube videos, and it does look harmless. I'm just wondering what your concern was then.
> 
> And yes, I stopped her because I didn't like it. Read my threads if you are really that interested. In the States, the types of clubs she went to are better known for hookups than dancing. Some girls go to dance, some to get laid. The ones that go to dance are a little less secretive than the ones that go to get laid. And for some reason, there is no lying involved with the dancers, jut the "partiers".


Cody,

Yeh. I'm just really paranoid and insecure I guess.

I'll take a look at your threads. Here in the UK, there is a big alcohol/pub/club culture. There are no singles places really (or not many at least) just mainline clubs in all small towns. Unfortunately, most if not all of these places will house usually young lads looking to get laid or start a fight or both. This means that those who want a quiet drink, those who want some dancing etc with friends, and those who want to get out of their head on drink are all in the same place. This is why most UK town centres are pretty much a no-go zone at weekend.

My wife has recently stopped drinking and instead prefers to drive when shes out. Much safer and avoids the major hassle that is getting a cab home. You should see the fights at the taxi ranks !!!


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## humpty dumpty

ive been away many times with friends to Butlins and its just been dancing gossipping and a good laugh !! not many men go anyway ..mostly a girly thing !!! 

You trust her you love her let her go and make sure you have a enjoyable night planned for her return  

If your wife was going to be with someone else she wouldnt need to go to butlins to do it !!! has she given you cause to question her ?


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## psychocandy

humpty dumpty said:


> ive been away many times with friends to Butlins and its just been dancing gossipping and a good laugh !! not many men go anyway ..mostly a girly thing !!!
> 
> You trust her you love her let her go and make sure you have a enjoyable night planned for her return
> 
> If your wife was going to be with someone else she wouldnt need to go to butlins to do it !!! has she given you cause to question her ?


Hi again Humpty....

No - shes never given me cause.


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## humpty dumpty

Hi 

Then let her go tell her to enjoy and have a great time ... 
when she returns plan a great night together and let her know just how much you have missed her  

TRUST is so important xx i know you find it hard but remember she has done nothing wrong you have no reason not to trust her xx 

can you plan a boys night out when shes away ?


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## psychocandy

humpty dumpty said:


> Hi
> 
> Then let her go tell her to enjoy and have a great time ...
> when she returns plan a great night together and let her know just how much you have missed her
> 
> TRUST is so important xx i know you find it hard but remember she has done nothing wrong you have no reason not to trust her xx
> 
> can you plan a boys night out when shes away ?


Humpty,

You sound like my wife !!!!!

Unfortunately, while shes away I'll be looking after our little monster. I'm sure there'll be other times for a lads weekend.


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## humpty dumpty

Then plan something really enjoyable with your little monster  im sure he/she will keep you very busy  

seriously though relax !! let her enjoy her weekend , and make sure you have a baby sitter booked for her return  x


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## psychocandy

Well shes off again this weekend. This will be the third time she goes and she does really love it.

I suppose I should be OK because the past two times have pretty uneventful (AFAIK !!!).

And she swears she never ever gets up to anything. Even swore on hour sons life this morning when I pushed her because she knows I get a little worked up about it.

Still dont like it though - I'm being though arent i?


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## michzz

psychocandy said:


> And she swears she never ever gets up to anything. Even swore on hour sons life this morning when I pushed her because she knows I get a little worked up about it.


I would not take this as evidence of a darned thing. My wife literally swore on the Bible her father gave her that she was just going for "coffee" with a friend when she began her affair.


Her hand on the Bible was not enough to change her mind about screwing around. In fact, she used my mistaken impression of the power of that "swearing" to gt me off her back.


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## cody5

She may not be screwing men, but she's not meeting them? Partying with them until all hours of the night? Flirting? Drinking? Dancing? Somethings not right here. 3 times? There's NOTHING else she's interested in doing with her pals?


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## bedlam85

sorry i realise i am really late to this thread but my wife has just come back from her 3rd butlins weekend and the sick feeling i get when she goes still hasnt subsided.
I have explained to her that i trust her 100%, its the others who go that i dont trust. I totally accept that my wife goes to these weekends to have fun in fancy dress with her friends, thats her intention. I also know that big groups of guys go there and its not for the fancy dress costumes!
My wife tells me that her and her friends watch out for each other but i know that when she has had a drink (about three gallons of drink in the case of these weekends) she gets very sarcastic, chatty and very over-confident. This can easily be misinterpreted by drunk guys as a green light.
She arrived back on monday and i knew something was not right. she had seemed off on the phone over the weekend and missed calling me friday night which she never does. after me pushing the issue on tuesday i find out that her best friend who she goes every year with (wife of my best friend) has been having an affair with a guy for the last year that guess what? she met at butlins last year!
These weekends break more marriages than they ever make, i am now in an awful situation where i have information that will totally destroy my best friend who loves his wife to the core. I have to choose whether i force her to tell him or do it myself. no choice at all really.
I have had so many conversations with my wife about how much these weekends scare me, turns out i was dead right to be concerned. This doesnt even begin to take into account the guys who will go to any lengths to get what they want, drink spiking etc... I know this type of guy is a rare breed and can appear anywhere but it only takes one of them and a second to turn your world upside down. If my wife goes out in our local town centre i know that i am 3 minutes away and she can call anytime. When she is 7 hours down the road there is nothing i can do.
I would seriously think about asking your wife not to go anymore, or look up when next years event is and book a 'suprise' weekend away for the same dates!
I have thought for so long i was just being paranoid and really tried to change my mind about this. This week has confirmed that all my suspicions were right.
Guys know that these weekends are packed to the rafters with very drunk women who have left their partners at home and 
are dressed in costumes that cover far less than they should. Put yourself in the position, as a guy knowing all this, what reason would you have for going there?? 

Probably not what you want to hear but this was as much to get my thoughts out of my head as to answer your question. Sorry if i have rambled, got a lot on my mind just now!


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## sisters359

You know, a lot of people are more likely to hook up at an antiques convention or other hobby exchange--it really isn't the place, it is the people. Happily married people don't suddenly give in to temptation and have sex with someone else. Women who like to dance and party with their girlfriends are not very likely to be receptive to guys who try to interfere with that--seriously, it's sort of an "If I had wanted some guy to paw me, I'd have brought my husband!" kind of thing. Although men may find this hard to believe, for most women (except the very insecure), girls' night out really IS about being girls, with girls. That is the whole point--not sneaking away from a controlling husband to flirt with other men. It's one reason gay bars/clubs are so popular for girls' night out--so the girls don't have to worry about the guys getting in the way of their fun.

Rather than obsess about where she goes, start tending to your marriage in ways that show you give it a high priority and are willing to spend time nurturing it. Read some relationship books and do some couples' exercises, for example--and be sure to plan plenty of couples' time, too. As you reconnect, your anxiety about her wandering will subside. 

I was married 20 years, many of them not very fulfilling, and I never once went out with the intention of "meeting someone," or getting positive male attention. That's for the young, insecure crowd. 

If you think your wife's self-esteem is low, then encourage her to work on that, don't assume it's going to drive her into another man's arms. Your assumption and controlling behavior will become the problem; be her helpmeet and you won't be part of the problem.


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## cody5

Antiques convention. Good one.

People go to antiques conventions to learn about antiques. People go to singles weekends to PARTY WITH OTHER SINGLES!!!! 

Mainly members of the opposite sex.

WAKE UP!!!


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## psychocandy

cody5 said:


> She may not be screwing men, but she's not meeting them? Partying with them until all hours of the night? Flirting? Drinking? Dancing? Somethings not right here. 3 times? There's NOTHING else she's interested in doing with her pals?


She does do other things. What do you suggest - they all go to each others houses and form a sewing circle?


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## psychocandy

cody5 said:


> Antiques convention. Good one.
> 
> People go to antiques conventions to learn about antiques. People go to singles weekends to PARTY WITH OTHER SINGLES!!!!
> 
> Mainly members of the opposite sex.
> 
> WAKE UP!!!


Cody,

I appreciate your input here and all but I think you've got the wrong end of the stick somewhere.

Its an 80s music weekend. They have bands from the 80s etc. Other weekends might be 70s, 90s, caribbean etc.

It is over 18s only because of the sort of entertainment on offer which appeals to adults.

Its a holiday camp - quite likely this weekend is a family weekend where they've got entertainment suitable for kids.
To be honest, they only do these sort of weekends in the offseason. They know the weather isnt good enough to fill the place with families, but they know they're onto a good thing with over 18s weekends like this.


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## humpty dumpty

ive been to butlins 6 times with friends for different themed weekend !!!! 

guess what i had a fantastic time , laughed loads , danced till my feet hurt !!! 

and i didnt shag one man didnt go to ..its all about time away chilling having fun and not worrying about what to do for tea !!!!! come on get things back into perspective .. 
Psychoandy ...have a heart to heart chat with her , im sure you have nothing to worry about ..


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## sisters359

Partying and having fun has nothing to do with sex. Using partying as a way to get or have sex is simply one avenue for a person who is unhappy and frustrated. If your spouse is happy and loving, then why assume that they are looking for something more sexually? 

Hobbies allow people to form deep connections. This is a lot more threatening than dancing crazy with one's girlfriends. 

Keep in mind that anyone who uses alcohol as an excuse for inappropriate behavior has a series of huge problems to begin with. If your spouse routinely drinks too much (gets drunk), you already have issues and it isn't the setting that's important--it's the self-destructive, self-loathing of your spouse.


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## cody5

Again, Psycho, if I'm so wrong, I'm a little confused as to why you started this thread. We've gone 'round in this circle twice now.


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## brian smith

I recently went to an adult themed weekender with my wife.
Basically ,we saw mainly afro caribean men looking to pick up drunk girls! The place was full of predators. There were reports of attacks on women and drinks being spiked with a type of date rape drug.On the bright side however, the butlins gold chalets
were quite pleasant and the food edible!!
The lighting on the park was rather dim with druggies doing their stuff everywhere.I hate drugs and will never return.
You would be crazy to let youre wife go in an all girl group.The sight of these guys grinding away against clearly married women will stay with me ,Im afraid. Ive been married to my wife for 10 years and trust her unreservedly,but sadly we are only human and mistakes happen. The total cost of our weekend was £300 for tickets plus £100 on EXTRAS,which they dont tell you about. £200 on food,drinks.
Be warned!


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## KanDo

psychocandy said:


> So are you saying you wouldnt let your wife go to a nightclub with her friends?
> 
> I'm sorry but thats well OTT.


In no way is that over the top! This is not the kind of activity that married couples engage in!


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## F-102

"Welcome to the camp,
I guess you all know why we're here..."

Say, psycho, why don't you show up unannounced at one of these things, and see what her reaction is.

Will it be "Honey, you're HERE? What a nice surprise!"

OR...

"I can't believe you followed me here! Get out NOW, and don't you ever embarrass me like this again!"


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## the guy

F-
this things over a year old
gotcha


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## stumblealong

brighterlight said:


> Nope, not without me or one of my sisters. It's a meat market and it's already bit me in the arse once. Won't do it again even though she has changed.


Wal mart is a meat market! you know how many times i've been hit on while buying groceries!


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## F-102

the guy said:


> F-
> this things over a year old
> gotcha


Holy Crap!!!

I fell for it again!


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## Entropy3000

stumblealong said:


> Wal mart is a meat market! you know how many times i've been hit on while buying groceries!


This is very true. How much alcohol are you drinking in Wal Mart?
Are you dancing and grinding there? Anyone can be hit on any where. But your local Wal Mart is not seven hours away from your spouse either. Going to Hedonism XXV just might be more concern than Wal Mart. One can drown in a bath tub too. You still should be careful when you go diving in deep water however. They just are not the same thing.

Is this what women really think?


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## Conrad

When they're in denial, yes.


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## SunnyT

Nope....that isn't what women think. What we think is that our husbands not only trust us to be faithful, but have enough respect and faith in us as humans to not fall for anyone who comes on to us. We also think that "our husband doesn't really think that I am going to fall into the sack just because someone hit on me". 

We KNOW men hit on women. Sometimes we like it, sometimes we don't... but it doesn't ever mean that we consider cheating. We aren't so fragile, or naive, or stupid, or unable to control ourselves that we will fall for any ol' guy....even when we are drinking, dancing and having fun. We say no. We say we are married.... if we have to say anything at all. Most groups of women are safe enough from leches, and most groups of women aren't even interested in the men around them. 

It's kind of sad to see husbands who think theirs wives aren't mature enough or capable enough to go out on their own.


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## Lon

SunnyT said:


> Nope....that isn't what women think. What we think is that our husbands not only trust us to be faithful, but have enough respect and faith in us as humans to not fall for anyone who comes on to us. We also think that "our husband doesn't really think that I am going to fall into the sack just because someone hit on me".
> 
> We KNOW men hit on women. Sometimes we like it, sometimes we don't... but it doesn't ever mean that we consider cheating. We aren't so fragile, or naive, or stupid, or unable to control ourselves that we will fall for any ol' guy....*even when we are drinking, dancing and having fun. We say no. We say we are married.... if we have to say anything at all. Most groups of women are safe enough from leches, and most groups of women aren't even interested in the men around them. *
> 
> It's kind of sad to see husbands who think theirs wives aren't mature enough or capable enough to go out on their own.


or at least for a little while anyway. In march I would have agreed with your comment completely. My eyes have been opened to another world where your idea may hold some water for as long as the illusion holds up to pressure.


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## Entropy3000

SunnyT said:


> Nope....that isn't what women think. What we think is that our husbands not only trust us to be faithful, but have enough respect and faith in us as humans to not fall for anyone who comes on to us. We also think that "our husband doesn't really think that I am going to fall into the sack just because someone hit on me".
> 
> We KNOW men hit on women. Sometimes we like it, sometimes we don't... but it doesn't ever mean that we consider cheating. We aren't so fragile, or naive, or stupid, or unable to control ourselves that we will fall for any ol' guy....*even when we are drinking, dancing and having fun. We say no. We say we are married.... if we have to say anything at all. Most groups of women are safe enough from leches, and most groups of women aren't even interested in the men around them. *
> 
> It's kind of sad to see husbands who think theirs wives aren't mature enough or capable enough to go out on their own.


Dilusional at best. It is disrespectful to put your relationship under that condition. YMMV. Not adviseable and certainly not something I would put up with. That said I have never had to deal with a wife being that disrespectful. Single behavior is best left to . . . . single people. Trust is about trusting your spouse to not put themselves into these situations. Not playing just the tip. These are not trustworthy activities. If you need to be partying with other men that should tell you something. Your comment comes off like women do not ever cheat. If you can believe surveys, which I am very skeptical about, 68% of women would cheat if they believed they could get away with it. Something like 40% cheat anyway. I hope you feel the same way about hubby if he did exactly the same thing. I am guessing you do.

Women need to go out with other marriage friendly women in a healthy marriage. Women who seek out fun with other men while drinking, flirting dancing ( being felt up and grinded on ) are at some level of being unfaithful already. BUT, this environment is just seduction to go further. If you are not hanging out with men then my comments are not for you.

Ultimately it comes down to the boundaries that a relationship has agreed to. If a man wants to agree to this, he gets what he gets. Good luck.


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## stumblealong

Entropy3000 said:


> This is very true. How much alcohol are you drinking in Wal Mart?
> Are you dancing and grinding there? Anyone can be hit on any where. But your local Wal Mart is not seven hours away from your spouse either. Going to Hedonism XXV just might be more concern than Wal Mart. One can drown in a bath tub too. You still should be careful when you go diving in deep water however. They just are not the same thing.
> 
> Is this what women really think?


:lol: Ah! Are you refering to my long thread in the Mens' Clubhouse?  Is this the way men really think...

No i'm not drinking in Wal mart, or dancing or grinding...yet i don't do that in bars either. I don't really see many married women dancing around grinding with men in these establishments. I just guess the point is the that we can get hit on anywhere we go and does it really make that much of a difference that it is 7 hrs away or 10 min away, the desire to take a man up on his offer has to be there in the first place.

It is just as easy to tell a man to bug off in Wal mart as it is to tell him in a bar. just my opinion.


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## Lon

> It is just as easy to tell a man to bug off in Wal mart as it is to tell him in a bar. just my opinion


it may be just as easy to "tell" him to bug off, but the fact is you will not be as likely to want to.


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## Entropy3000

stumblealong said:


> :lol:* Ah! Are you refering to my long thread in the Mens' Clubhouse?  Is this the way men really think...*
> 
> No i'm not drinking in Wal mart, or dancing or grinding...yet i don't do that in bars either. I don't really see many married women dancing around grinding with men in these establishments. I just guess the point is the that we can get hit on anywhere we go and d*oes it really make that much of a difference that it is 7 hrs away or 10 min away,* the desire to take a man up on his offer has to be there in the first place.
> 
> It is just as easy to tell a man to bug off in Wal mart as it is to tell him in a bar. just my opinion.


Yes, I was!  Not everyone got that. 

We know women get hit on. Not really the issue. Yes it does make a difference in 7 hours away. It is part of the Isolation or the the three elements:

Instigation
Isolation
Escalation

Instigation starts with being hit on. Ok, no big deal as long it is not touchy feelie stuff. Or that there is not a lot of flirting going on from the woman's side. 

Isolation is already there. You are seven hours away.

Women can be seduced. Happens all of the time. Sure it depends on the person to what extent. But being hit on is not what I am saying. I am saying women can be gamed. Add alcohol, ruffies and opportunity and there you go. Isolation from ones mate is much bigger when 7 hours away. This implies that one is free to go any where and do anything without discovery. Back to that 68% again. It has the appearance of a problem. Yeah that can matter. Gamers do not stop with being told to bug off. Telling them your married means nothing. In fact it may tell them you are an easier mark.

Escalation is hanging out with the guys and going back to their hotel and so on.

All this said it may work for you. It does not work in the grander scheme of relationships. Good for you that you can stand your ground. I just see this as risky behavior and playing just the tip. Certainly for many if not you specifically.

My wife has taken occasional trips for long distances. Not to this type of venue. I know the women she wnet with. Not partier types. Sure they could have still gotten into trouble but the parameters of the trips were well within my comfort zone.


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## SunnyT

Soooooooooooo..... you are saying that men are pigs and will try to take advantage of any woman, and that women (even in a group of friends) are too fragile and vulnerable and should just stay home and be protected by their husband? 

Wow.


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## Entropy3000

SunnyT said:


> Soooooooooooo..... you are saying that men are pigs and will try to take advantage of any woman, and that women (even in a group of friends) are too fragile and vulnerable and should just stay home and be protected by their husband?
> 
> Wow.


I don't see what you posted in what I posted. So no that is not at all what I said.


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## SunnyT

No, not what you said..... it's what you implied. That the men out there aren't to be trusted, because they will try to take advantage of women. And that women should not put themselves in this position... especially 7 hours away. (Because somehow, distance is directly related to levels of fidelity?)

Women who are looking to play/flirt/cheat will find no shortage of partners, just like men with similar ideas. But this topic was about going out with a group of women, to a place she's been several times, and never given her h any reason to question her actions... so where, how far, and what else is going on there (rumors) should be irrelevant because she in no way appears to be susceptible to cheating. 

I guess it's kind of cute that men want to look after their women and keep them safe. From a woman's POV tho, it sure looks like a lack of trust and faith. I'd like to think that my husband knows that I can look after myself, and I'd like to think that my girlfriends and I look after each other, and I don't know any grown women who cheat just because they've been drinking. 

I'm thinking we will never see each other's point of view, which is fine...to each his own.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

SunnyT said:


> Soooooooooooo..... you are saying that men are pigs and will try to take advantage of any woman, and that women (even in a group of friends) are too fragile and vulnerable and should just stay home and be protected by their husband?
> 
> Wow.


Sorry Ent, I got the same vibe as Sunny. The whole women are damsels in distress and too feeble to handle themselves and men are predators who swoop in and turn a virtueous woman into the Scarlet A. 
Aren't we a tad dramatic. Women can, and I have proved it before....go out and have fun with the girls without winding up in some dudes bed. Just as a man can go out with his buddies drinking at a sports bar without ending up getting a bj from the waitress. 
Stop it!


----------



## AFEH

Entropy3000 Logic NEVER WORKS


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

AFEH said:


> Entropy3000 Logic NEVER WORKS


Instead of hurling an insult, why don't you explain the logic? I think I made a very logical point as did Sunny.


----------



## AFEH

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Instead of hurling an insult, why don't you explain the logic? I think I made a very logical point as did Sunny.


It’s a man thing. Something you will never understand as long as you live.

There was no insult. One day you may cease your projections. I really hope you do for your own sake.


----------



## Lon

logic/fact = in every night club that a woman or group of women would go to, there is at least one male predator, but most of the men there aren't the type that would relentlessly pursue it even after being told no. Also fact is that as long as that guy is pursuing he has the attention of the entire group of women, once he has that attention all he needs to so is smile and the ball is rolling. After a long enough period or number of occasions this behavior begins to be tolerated as normal, harmless, fun... and he has made it beyond the next level. Keep chipping away and suddenly the married woman's domestic home life with her boring/responsible H doesn't look so appealing. etc etc... then just keep going with exactly what entropy, AFEH, the guy etc all the males on here who have learned how this game works, have to say because it is true.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Lon said:


> logic/fact = in every night club that a woman or group of women would go to, there is at least one male predator, but most of the men there aren't the type that would relentlessly pursue it even after being told no. Also fact is that as long as that guy is pursuing he has the attention of the entire group of women, once he has that attention all he needs to so is smile and the ball is rolling. After a long enough period or number of occasions this behavior begins to be tolerated as normal, harmless, fun... and he has made it beyond the next level. Keep chipping away and suddenly the married woman's domestic home life with her boring/responsible H doesn't look so appealing. etc etc... then just keep going with exactly what entropy, AFEH, the guy etc all the males on here who have learned how this game works, have to say because it is true.


It works on week people in other words. The same could be said for both sexes. 
Okay, let's look at this from a different perspective then. If we are going to say that women are vulnerable in that situation, then aren't men as well? Complaining that the wife never wants sex, she's a nag, etc. Would you feel the same if a guy goes to sports bar with his buddies where half dressed women serve him alcohol? Is that acceptable?
My point is, the situation isn't the problem, it's the individual.


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Sorry Ent, I got the same vibe as Sunny. *The whole women are damsels in distress* and too feeble to handle themselves and men are predators who swoop in and turn a virtueous woman into the Scarlet A.
> Aren't we a tad dramatic. Women can, and I have proved it before....go out and have fun with the girls without winding up in some dudes bed. Just as a man can go out with his buddies drinking at a sports bar without ending up getting a bj from the waitress.
> Stop it!


Sorry, guys not my issue. We will have to agree to disagree. It is the same agrument we have continually about the meat market GNOs.


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> It works on week people in other words. The same could be said for both sexes.
> Okay, let's look at this from a different perspective then. If we are going to say that women are vulnerable in that situation, then aren't men as well? Complaining that the wife never wants sex, she's a nag, etc. Would you feel the same if a guy goes to sports bar with his buddies where half dressed women serve him alcohol? Is that acceptable?
> My point is, the situation isn't the problem, it's the individual.


It does work for people. The only caveat I will make is that women seem to care about not getting attention. We see this all over the place, So some gamer gives the wife some attention. She feels so starved for attention because her hubby is working long hours and she has been stuck home with the kids so she plays along with it a while because she is having fun. With no intention of going further. But the gamer keeps doing what he does, in breaking down her boundaries one at a time as she continues to drink and drink and flirt. If she is dancing with him too then all that much easier. I don't think of her as a damsel. *I think of her as a wife seeking attention. Who is too arrogant to think she cannot be gamed. *Add to that that she had an argument with hubby before the trip. Nothing huge just a tiff. 

An avergae guy walks into a club full of 100 women who are drinking and having fun. He announces he has his room key and would anyone like to have sex with him? How many women jump to go with him? Idunno. Probably greater than zero with this group.

An average woman walks into a club full of 100 men who are drinking and having fun. She announces she has her room key and would anyone like to have sex with her? How many men jump to go with her. You do the math. Less than 100 for sure. The rest will wait for the next average woman. Remember from Athol's book, men will have sex with women below their own sex rank. 

Now lets make that group of men the group of men who are in those clubs who are looking for some action. Not just avergae guys. That can go for the group of women too.

My point is that all else is not equal.

A guy walks out of the club by himself and walks back to his hotel alone. He is less likely to be followed and attacked than a woman doing the same thing. There is an extra element of risk for women becasue they are women. We also here story after story of friends who do not look out after each other in these scenarios. I am sure that varies.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> It does work for people. The only caveat I will make is that women seem to care about not getting attention. We see this all over the place, So some gamer gives the wife some attention. She feels so starved for attention because her hubby is working long hours and she has been stuck home with the kids so she plays along with it a while because she is having fun. With no intention fo going further. But the gamer keeps doing what he does, in breaking down her boundaries one at a times as she continues to drink and drink and flirt. If she is dancing with him too then all that much easier. I don't think of her as a damsel. I think of her as a iwfe seeking attention. Who is too arrogant to think she cannot be gamed.


Again, the same is true for the hubby at the office working those long hours. The wife doesn't give him the attention so he falls victim to the co-worker. 
Like I said, it isn't the location or situation....it is the individual. 
Arrogant, huh?


----------



## SunnyT

*I think of her as a iwfe seeking attention.*

THIS is correct. I said this.... if women (or men) go out LOOKING for attention, sure they are susceptible. I just thought we were talking about happily married, trustworthy women hanging out in a group....with no men. 


@Lon....really? You think some guy, no matter how charming, is so irrisistable that happily married women might disregard their husband and cheat? But that if they don't go out without their husbands they'd be ok? Is that because they can't think for themselves? They just can't make a decision to be faithful ...even if the lech is really, really hot?


----------



## F-102

Say, what ever happened to the OP?


----------



## Walter3

Entropy, you imply that all men can have any woman they want, anytime............if you really believe this, you are just a tad bit full of yourself, as in, "God's gift to Women"............you also mention the wife thinking of her "boring/responsible" husband at home, as if boring and responsible are synonymous, they aren't............and if you think you are thought of as "boring" by your wife, then that's YOUR fault..................after reading your comments on this thread though, I think you are the very kind of guy that other guys have to work very hard at proving we aren't all like.


----------



## Amplexor

*If I have to pull this thread over, you kids are in for it*


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Lordy, could you modify your posts any faster? 
A woman could walk in to Kroger and announce the same thing and probably get just as many takers. 
Your ending is about assault and possible rape. That isn't even remotely what I was talking about. If that is the scenario you are afraid of, then don't let women out of the house. Women get raped all the time, in broad daylight.


----------



## SunnyT

LOL It is an old post. But the topic was going....interesting to debate!


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Again, the same is true for the hubby at the office working those long hours. The wife doesn't give him the attention so he falls victim to the co-worker.
> Like I said, it isn't the location or situation....it is the individual.
> Arrogant, huh?


Yes. I was arrogant. You are exactly correct. It helped put my marriage in jeopardy which was totally unfair to my wife. Yes!!
This is exactly what I have in my mind. 

It is not just a woman thing. I think a group of guys going on these types of trips should raise an eyebrow as well.

This is an excellent point you are making. I agree totally. 

BUT the environment makes all the difference. For some it is in a club. For others it is at work.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Amplexor said:


> *If I have to pull this thread over, you kids are in for it*


Ha! No, I am not getting uppity here. I really don't see this as an issue with GNO. I see the person more so than the situation, that is what I am trying to explain.....apparently badly if the sage Mod is looking at (possibly) me in the rear view mirror. 

As for the OP, this thread is quite old. I just jumped on because I didn't like the notion that women are just hapless victims that shirk their panties off for any guy and it is the SITUATION that is blamed, rather than the person.


----------



## Amplexor

Therealbrighteyes said:


> .....apparently badly if the sage Mod is looking at (possibly) me in the rear view mirror.


Just fun'n with ya'll. Slow afternoon and nothing better to do. Carry on


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Lordy, could you modify your posts any faster?
> A woman could walk in to Kroger and announce the same thing and probably get just as many takers.
> Your ending is about assault and possible rape. That isn't even remotely what I was talking about. If that is the scenario you are afraid of, then don't let women out of the house. Women get raped all the time, in broad daylight.


Could we get a probability and statistics person in here please?

I mention assault and rape becasue we are talking about an environment with predators.

Why do you guys always go to the letting a wife out of the house. It is not a black and white world. It is full of shades of gray and nuance. As I stated my wife has travelled as well. I was very comfortable with the parameters for lack of a better word. I trust her more than anyone else in the world. I would not be comfortable with her travelling to a meat market situation. I would take that as her being disrespectful if nothing else. That is just me. All situations are not the same. It all ... depends.


----------



## Entropy3000

Walter3 said:


> Entropy, you imply that all men can have any woman they want, anytime............if you really believe this, you are just a tad bit full of yourself, as in, "God's gift to Women"............you also mention the wife thinking of her "boring/responsible" husband at home, as if boring and responsible are synonymous, they aren't............and if you think you are thought of as "boring" by your wife, then that's YOUR fault..................after reading your comments on this thread though, I think you are the very kind of guy that other guys have to work very hard at proving we aren't all like.


I imply no such thing. In fact my example was the opposite. That an average woman would draw a croud and a man would not.

I am saying that in the right environment a woman is exhibiting risky behavior by drinking heavily, flirting and dancing with other men. If you read these threads you will see time and again the Nice Guy sitting home. The wife out having some fun because she loves him but is not in love with him.

I am saying that risky behavior can be unfaithful in itself.
A woman going to Kroger is not the same as a women dressing up to go out, drink, flirt and dance with other men who are there to bed someone. Are we saying there is no difference folks?

Really!? 


I am saying that any given woman in that scenario has increased her posibility of being gamed from about zero to something greater than zero. The more she goes and puts herself out there the more chance of failure. Maybe it only increases the chances by double.


----------



## Entropy3000

Please continue on, I am taking my wonderful wife to Studio Movie Grill. She deserves some attention after all. 

I am beginning to worry about her trips to Kroger ............ NOT!!!


----------



## SunnyT

*I am saying that any given woman in that scenario has increased her posibility of being gamed from about zero to something greater than zero.*

In my case, and that of probably most of the women I know, that probability remains at zero... because we are just not interested. Even given all the "risky" circumstances. So, my original point was...and is... that IF you intimately know your woman, and know that she has zero interest .... then you could be confident that in ANY circumstances she would remain not interested, and that outside influences won't sway her. 

But, like you said....there are shades of gray. Women who get all dolled up to go "out with the girls" are wanting to attract men, and that IS a wife you might worry about... but not women in general.


----------



## Walter3

makes sure she dresses appropriately and doesn't talk to anyone.


----------



## Entropy3000

Walter3 said:


> makes sure she dresses appropriately and doesn't talk to anyone.


LOL. 

Actually I like my wife to dress sexy when we go out. I hope she talks to me!


----------



## Entropy3000

SunnyT said:


> *I am saying that any given woman in that scenario has increased her posibility of being gamed from about zero to something greater than zero.*
> 
> In my case, and that of probably most of the women I know, that probability remains at zero... because we are just not interested. Even given all the "risky" circumstances. So, my original point was...and is... that IF you intimately know your woman, and know that she has zero interest .... then you could be confident that in ANY circumstances she would remain not interested, and that outside influences won't sway her.
> 
> But, like you said....there are shades of gray. Women who get all dolled up to go "out with the girls" are wanting to attract men, and that IS a wife you might worry about... but not women in general.


Having read your threads, I am very inclined to agree with you. I just think you are way above average. Bright Eyes is very strong willed as well. 

It is hard these days to have a marriage that does not have its ups and downs. Honestly my heart is in the right place. I am all for fun. I have a tad myself. But as Bright Eyes points out I have screwed up my own way. 

Now if after all of this my wife ends up banging a guy from Kroger I am going to be doubly pi$$ed!!

I do trust my wife. She is not a party girl though. Whe she does have something to drink it has to be very little because it hits her hard.

Be careful ladies!!


----------



## SockPuppet

psychocandy said:


> I trust her etc and am 99.9% sure she'd never do anything but I still dont like these weekends.
> 
> Any other fellas worry about things like this? Or is it just me?


I wouldnt worry myself. I trust my wife, not 99.9%, not 37.5% not 345.493%. Just, I trust my wife, period!

You need to be honest with yourself, you obivoulsy dont trust your wife 99.9% or else you wouldnt be here asking these things. 

Tell her your worried she is going to go and get raped, drunk and **** some stranger, etc. If you have concerns you need to voice them. Otherwise you have communication issues, and that is the #1 marriage breaker.


----------



## SunnyT

Well said Sock!


----------



## notveryhappy

*date rape drug at Skegness??*



brian smith said:


> I recently went to an adult themed weekender with my wife.
> Basically ,we saw mainly afro caribean men looking to pick up drunk girls! The place was full of predators. There were reports of attacks on women and drinks being spiked with a type of date rape drug.On the bright side however, the butlins gold chalets
> were quite pleasant and the food edible!!
> The lighting on the park was rather dim with druggies doing their stuff everywhere.I hate drugs and will never return.
> You would be crazy to let youre wife go in an all girl group.The sight of these guys grinding away against clearly married women will stay with me ,Im afraid. Ive been married to my wife for 10 years and trust her unreservedly,but sadly we are only human and mistakes happen. The total cost of our weekend was £300 for tickets plus £100 on EXTRAS,which they dont tell you about. £200 on food,drinks.
> Be warned!


Hi
We have just come back yesterday from Butlins 80's weekend in Skegness.I spent all day on Saturday in hospital with my poor mum after she spent the whole night vomitting,hallucinating,banging headache and extremely ill,even resulting in her having a seizure...she hadnt really drunk that much ,but the docs and nurses in the hospital said she had severe alcoholic poisoning.After finding your post on here,I am so shocked and now wondering wether her drink was actually spiked.It was the most frightening experience ever and my mum still has no recollection of the evening,or even the day in hospital.I actually thought she was dying.thank god we were all with her and no one tried to attack her.
please could you tell me exactly what you heard? i am contacting her doctor tomorrow ,as the doc said he would give me her blood results at the pilgrim hospital near skegness and he never did!
thanks for reading


----------



## Begby2566

Hello, I have been looking for advice on this exact subject.

My wife has just attended her 2nd Butlins Hot Summer Weekend at Minehead, England, with her friends (the majority of the women she goes with are divorced/single).

I discovered she/they wore TShirts saying "If I don't get laid I'm going to get smashed"

I asked and my wife about the TShirt, and she said she didnt wear the tshirt, but I've seen pictures with her wearing it.

My wife (of 26 years) regularly goes out, and won't allow me to join her saying "it's girls only"

Should I be worried ?

Thank you.


----------



## justonelife

Your wife went away for the weekend to what is basically a singles meat market with a bunch of other single ladies wearing a shirt that advertised her sexual availability and then lied to you about wearing the shirt. Do I have that right? Why do you think you SHOULDN'T be worried? Even if she didn't cheat, this is disrespectful to you and your marriage on many levels.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

Begby2566 said:


> Hello, I have been looking for advice on this exact subject.
> 
> My wife has just attended her 2nd Butlins Hot Summer Weekend at Minehead, England, with her friends (the majority of the women she goes with are divorced/single).
> 
> I discovered she/they wore TShirts saying "If I don't get laid I'm going to get smashed"
> 
> I asked and my wife about the TShirt, and she said she didnt wear the tshirt, but I've seen pictures with her wearing it.
> 
> My wife (of 26 years) regularly goes out, and won't allow me to join her saying "it's girls only"
> 
> Should I be worried ?
> 
> Thank you.


Where do these guys come from? Damn.


----------



## Begby2566

WorkingOnMe said:


> Where do these guys come from? Damn.



I'm looking for advice - thank you for your input


----------



## TBT

Begby2566 said:


> I'm looking for advice - thank you for your input


This is an old thread,so maybe if you don't get much response you could start a new one for your situation.Good luck.


----------



## Begby2566

justonelife said:


> Your wife went away for the weekend to what is basically a singles meat market with a bunch of other single ladies wearing a shirt that advertised her sexual availability and then lied to you about wearing the shirt. Do I have that right? Why do you think you SHOULDN'T be worried? Even if she didn't cheat, this is disrespectful to you and your marriage on many levels.




What do you think I should do about it ?


----------



## justonelife

You need to set some firm boundaries in your marriage. For starters, no lying. No weekends away without you. No going to singles bars with her single friends. She wants to live a single, carefree life but keep the security of having you waiting for her at home. This is really sad. 

When a woman has no respect for her man, sexual desire goes out the window. What is your sex life like?

It's extremely possible that she is cheating on you because she has absolutely no respect for you as a man and as her husband. Start demanding some respect.


----------



## anonim

psychocandy said:


> Thing is I dont feel I've the right to say - no you aint going. It also as if me saying that I dont want her to go is like saying I dont trust her also. But you dont right? Why would she be going on a adult weekend w/o you? thats not trustworthy and you are well within your rights to say you dont trust that, or her.
> 
> And yes, I've been away with my friends for weekends etc and my wife has said she'd have no problem with me going away on a similar thing. Yeah and its easy for her to say that if you have no real opportunity to go, then it looks like she is being fair and even when in reality, she isnt because she knows you have work/prior commitments.


----------



## TiggyBlue

wow married women aren't allowed to go dancing without a chaperone lmfao who would put up with that.
I've gone to butlins adult themed parties a couple of times and they're not exactly a shag feast (theres always a couple who try lol).
As long as you keep hold of your drink all the time ect (common sense) there just a good laugh.


----------



## Chris22

My wife went last year, on the second day I was so bored up I booked a room for me and a mate and went down myself. Yes a lot of drunk/stoned guys about but didn't seem overly dodgy and wasn't actually that fun to be honest.

This year (the event is in 1 month) she intends to go again... However she has recently kissed a bloke and been texting him (I confronted her on this and she promised to stop) 

This bloke is going to as part of a different group, but as my wifes friends and his friends all mingle they are sure to see eachother at some point.

I really don't want her to go, but she won't react well if I ask her not to.

What the hell should I do!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe

You should put your foot down like a man. You KNOW she will cheat if they guy she kissed gets her alone, right?


----------



## Chris22

Well we are on the edge anyway and STARTING to recover. I have given her until the day before she goes to decide if she wants to be with me or not... Otherwise I will divorce her. She knows I'm serious.

She looked me in the eye and SWORE she has stopped texting the guy and says that if she see's him she will just say hi and let that be the end of it.

If I say "you can't go" I automatically become the bad guy in everyone of her friends eyes, as its her mates birthday and all her friends and her brothers are going. 

I'd like to think that her friends and brothers would stop sh!t from going on but they are all pretty useless when drunk and if they have to step in then what's the point anyway? The decision has to come from her right.

Argh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe

You HAVE to say no. Her choice to go to this thing where she will be with him and not you is the same as a choice to be with him. Unless you go with her.


----------



## Entropy3000

Chris22 said:


> Well we are on the edge anyway and STARTING to recover. I have given her until the day before she goes to decide if she wants to be with me or not... Otherwise I will divorce her. She knows I'm serious.
> 
> She looked me in the eye and SWORE she has stopped texting the guy and says that if she see's him she will just say hi and let that be the end of it.
> 
> *If I say "you can't go" I automatically become the bad guy in everyone of her friends eyes,* as its her mates birthday and all her friends and her brothers are going.
> 
> I'd like to think that her friends and brothers would stop sh!t from going on but they are all pretty useless when drunk and if they have to step in then what's the point anyway? The decision has to come from her right.
> 
> Argh!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What kind of a man cares about being the bad guy in her friends eyes? LOL. That is so weak and absurd it boggles the mind.

Look, either a man is worthy of being resepcted or he is not. It is really that simple. A man who respects himself will not allow others to show him disrepsect. Get ya some.

Saw the post about her kssing and texting. :slap: UFB.

To be honest I would not tell her no. Because I would be gone already. However if you want to still be married to her tell her no.


----------



## Chris22

Worth booking a place for me and my mate to go? Or is that just paranoid...

She would probably just feel like I was checking up on her, which would push her away...

Ultimate goal IS to stay married!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe

You know, you can lead a horse to water.....

This is very frustrating. Look, she's planning to cheat with this guy. You can either let her go, or you can block it. Why do you care if she thinks you're checking up on her? You're her husband. 

For me there's not a snowballs chance in hell I'd let my wife go to a place (anyplace) overnight where a guy she recently cheated on me with is at unless I was with her.

Don't know why I'm trying so hard to get you to stand up for your marriage.....

Good luck.

I'm out.


----------



## PBear

Chris22 said:


> Worth booking a place for me and my mate to go? Or is that just paranoid...
> 
> She would probably just feel like I was checking up on her, which would push her away...
> 
> Ultimate goal IS to stay married!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would reconsider your goal. My ultimate goal would be to be married to someone I love, respect and trust, and who feels the same about me. Staying married at all costs doesn't necessarily sound that great.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chris22

You're right I have to be stronger either she stays or I'm going with her.

Thanks for the support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## justonelife

Where have all of the men gone? 

I see guys who choose to play video games over having sex with their wife and then wonder why the wife cheats and/or leaves?

I see guys who stay at home with the kids while their wives go on singles getaways with people they know are bad news and then wonder why she cheats.

I see guys who don't work and never lift a finger to help out around the house and then wonder why their wife isn't lusting after them every night.

Come on guys...they say that men are simple and women are complicated. I think women are simpler than men like to think. Some guys just don't want to put some effort into being a real man that a woman deserves. Just generalizing here. I know there are a few good ones out there. ;-)

Maybe I need to take a TAM break...


----------



## the guy

seeing this thread was started almost three years ago it might be time for a break.

Beg- you resurrected a very old thread, might get better perspectives and advice by starting your own.


----------



## Chris22

Just realised how old this thread actually is, posted as I saw someone has already posted on it today, and it fit my situation...

Still the post will never be irrelevant, as these adult weekends occur every year and rarely differ.

I may start my own thread shortly though, thanks for the heads up._Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Just suggesting starting a new thread in CWI and you may get broader aspect on how to deal with this issue.

Anyway you have everyright to protect your marriage Chris and you can't control your wife but you can control how you tolorate her behavior and it will be up to her to except this protection or leave.

There are plenty of women that would love the protection you have to offer so stop taking your wife's crap.

It's so easy for us guys to be labled controlling and jealous when alls we want is to protect our marriage.


----------



## Chris22

Thanks for the help mate, regardless of what I do your post certainly made me feel stronger.

I love my wife very much, but she will have to work at this marriage as hard as me if it is to work.

Like you said, I need to stop taking her crap and try to save this marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pault

Well if I can add in here. In your position I'd be saying NO! I trust my wife BUT I dont trust those around her. A while ago I made a statement to set boundries. No over nighters either of us - be both agreed that. No "Adult week/weekends" unless both together. Some weeks ago an aquaintance emailed me a website where there were several UK hen party movie sequences. The male stripper was in the crowd naked, there was the ceremonial squirting of cream and licking off going on. I wasn't to bothered until I read the comments attached to the like which said and I quote " most of the cream licking and handling was done by women wearing wedding and engagement rings" and having run it again that statement was right. During a chat one night I made the point when my W said her friends were looking to do something special for a big birthday coming up (sounded a little like fore warning. Ill allow you to make up your minds on that one) I simple said fine as long as its no over night and strippers - The reply was NOPE I dont want that. Im ok with that reply. But truth still a little "careful" about what happens aroudn the time.
You may think what of the roles were reversed. In 27 years Ive prided myself on NEVER going away "with the lads" as I heard some real concerning stories and these are made worse when acconpanied with whats happens on tour stays on tour". Even when Ive gone to a local working mens club to watch a football rugby match and they put on "entertainement". Ive been present for a comedian but when the strippers came on Id make my excuses and go in the bar. When asked I simply say " its very easy to be involved when a stripper even just wants a buttoen undone but there are some that will like the cream part of the act. If my W were in that environment and I found out that there was contact Id really get upset." Most guys I used to go with felt the same - if something happens (and it DOES) and the partner finds out (and they do) think about their feelings and what will go on in their mind.

In your position Id simply say " do what you think is right" - If she has a respect for your feelings Id expect her to decide that a weekend away with you is better"

Just my honest humblle opinion BTW try looking for UK HEN NIGHT MOVIES on the web and see what happened in North england and in a club in south wales - It will help you make a decison as it did for me


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## sisters359

Pault, what percentage of the "hen nights" were so totally inappropriate? 

I'm always amazed at how many people feel that their spouse would cheat on them, given a rare "opportunity." 

If you do most things together and have a good relationship, why is the occasional night apart such a big deal? 

If there were no alcohol involved, would you feel better about it? Can you really see your own spouse-dead sober-making the decision to cheat, just b/c the opportunity is there? 

If so--do you really have trust? 

Honestly, I think the issue is alcohol more than anything else, at least from what I read on these boards. Yet everyone's solution is to mistrust the spouse, rather than recognize the role alcohol is playing. 

I don't drink at all, and I rarely associate with people who drink much. When I do, however, I notice a very different standard of behavior. 

Don't want to have cheating in your marriage? Then take the use of recreational alcohol out of the equation ("recreational," meaning, drinking enough to get buzzed or more). 

Don't trust your spouse NOT to drink? Then you have a bigger problem than you realize, already.


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## dabdab1000

Let her go, if she was going to do something she would of already and if she does then she doesn't love youand you're best off out of it.

My wife's been when we were seperated (so i had no choice) she says she just had fun and i believe her.

Not everyone is out to shag


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## anonim

dabdab1000 said:


> Let her go, if she was going to do something she would of already and if she does then she doesn't love youand you're best off out of it.
> 
> My wife's been when we were seperated (so i had no choice) she says she just had fun and i believe her.
> 
> Not everyone is out to shag


but people that are out to shag go to butlins adult weekends.


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## Pault

@sister359
It isnt a matter of partner trust my point was that in my relationship I do trust my partner Hower, I have seen issue occur where things do get out of hand. From a male point of view I have said clearly that I dont out my self in a situation where others actions will refect on me in this manner. I have a s ayoung unattached been to these things and rugby trips where all hell let loose. and I have sionce been in a position where I went with friend and strippers were involved. I ahve asked my W what shed' thought if Id been in a stag situation and the strippers in in the audience (as they do in the Butlins weekend) Her comment was Id not be really happy especially as one of her friend was pictured in the past (when she wasnt there) handling a stripper with the cream etc and that turned up on FB for all to see because someone else from her locality was also there and pictures taken - She did have a boyfriend going and didnt have one when she got back - I place myself in my W's position if that happened


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## The Middleman

Begby2566 said:


> Hello, I have been looking for advice on this exact subject.
> 
> My wife has just attended her 2nd Butlins Hot Summer Weekend at Minehead, England, with her friends (the majority of the women she goes with are divorced/single).
> 
> I discovered she/they wore TShirts saying "If I don't get laid I'm going to get smashed"
> 
> I asked and my wife about the TShirt, and she said she didnt wear the tshirt, but I've seen pictures with her wearing it.
> 
> My wife (of 26 years) regularly goes out, and won't allow me to join her saying "it's girls only"
> 
> Should I be worried ?
> 
> Thank you.


I'm a believer in crashing these GNO's (and I've done it) when I'm not felling comfortable. You can go and lay low and watch the events unfold or go and make yourself known. Your not allowed to join? That's bullsh1t, you can go wherever you want to go,whenever you want to go. Your wife has made you uncomfortable, now it's your turn to return the favor. Of course you need to be prepared to bare the consequences of this action, in the event your wife sees you and gets pissed off (it wont be pretty). My wife was not too happy the first time she saw me.


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## anonim

The Middleman said:


> I'm a believer in crashing these GNO's (and I've done it) when I'm not felling comfortable. You can go and lay low and watch the events unfold or go and make yourself known. Your not allowed to join? That's bullsh1t, you can go wherever you want to go,whenever you want to go. Your wife has made you uncomfortable, now it's your turn to return the favor. Of course you need to be prepared to bare the consequences of this action, in the event your wife sees you and gets pissed off (it wont be pretty). My wife was not too happy the first time she saw me.


I like your response to your SO's GNO plan. would you care tell tell us more about it and what you did and its effectiveness?


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## homebuilder

I dont think your wife should put herself in position for something to happen. I would not be comfortable with this and I dont think my wife should ask me to be. Its not about trust but I wouldn't put myself in this position don't think my wife should either


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## The Middleman

anonim said:


> I like your response to your SO's GNO plan. would you care tell tell us more about it and what you did and its effectiveness?


Long Story Short: Back then my wife worked in the back office of a Nursing Home and she and her friends would plan dinners after work (once every few months, not often) and then they would move to the restaurant bar for a few more drinks before going home. Never late nights and a fairly well established group of friends (meaning mostly happily married, all female). 

Anyway around that time my wife and I had a blow up over some e-mail correspondence she had with an ex boyfriend. I got a little suspicious of a hastily planned GNO. I asked her where it was going to be and when I got home at about 7:30, I changed and went to the restaurant where she said she was going to be. I walked in and headed (unnoticed) directly to the bar and ordered my self a drink. My wife and her crew were sitting at the table eating and drinking (must have been there at least 2 hours before me). It was a very benign work related get together, exactly what she said it was. 

Well after about a half hour they headed to the bar and I was still there (I had stopped paying attention to them and was focusing on the TV and chatting with the bartender, otherwise I would have headed out the back). When she saw me she was surprised and more than a bit miffed. Our blow-up over the e-mails was still fresh in her mind and when we got home I got the whole you don't trust me thing. I was going to say that I trust her but I just wanted to verify, but wisely decided against it. It took about 3 days for her to get over it. I've done similar things twice since and one time I had to pick up the dinner tab for the entire table (but that is another story). 

So yes, I am a jealous husband ... I do admit this is one of my flaws. I have been accused of being controlling and I can't entirely deny it. BUT I am still happily married, our relationship is good, family is great, and there are no outsiders involved in our marriage. So while I'm not exactly the personality most of today's women want, life for both of us is pretty good.


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## jfv

You are a concerned husband and a realist. That is not a flaw.


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## WorkingOnMe

The Middleman said:


> Long Story Short: Back then my wife worked in the back office of a Nursing Home and she and her friends would plan dinners after work (once every few months, not often) and then they would move to the restaurant bar for a few more drinks before going home. Never late nights and a fairly well established group of friends (meaning mostly happily married, all female).
> 
> Anyway around that time my wife and I had a blow up over some e-mail correspondence she had with an ex boyfriend. I got a little suspicious of a hastily planned GNO. I asked her where it was going to be and when I got home at about 7:30, I changed and went to the restaurant where she said she was going to be. I walked in and headed (unnoticed) directly to the bar and ordered my self a drink. My wife and her crew were sitting at the table eating and drinking (must have been there at least 2 hours before me). It was a very benign work related get together, exactly what she said it was.
> 
> Well after about a half hour they headed to the bar and I was still there (I had stopped paying attention to them and was focusing on the TV and chatting with the bartender, otherwise I would have headed out the back). When she saw me she was surprised and more than a bit miffed. Our blow-up over the e-mails was still fresh in her mind and when we got home I got the whole you don't trust me thing. I was going to say that I trust her but I just wanted to verify, but wisely decided against it. It took about 3 days for her to get over it. I've done similar things twice since and one time I had to pick up the dinner tab for the entire table (but that is another story).
> 
> So yes, I am a jealous husband ... I do admit this is one of my flaws. I have been accused of being controlling and I can't entirely deny it. BUT I am still happily married, our relationship is good, family is great, and there are no outsiders involved in our marriage. So while I'm not exactly the personality most of today's women want, life for both of us is pretty good.


AND your wife is now very clear that if she cheats she will get caught. No illusions. Huge deterrent.


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## Pault

Sadly this is a difficult scenario. The week end entertainments suggested here initially can be really great fun. However, there are people who go on these with a mind to have even more "adult fun" than a marrage should allow. There are instances where stories have come back to wifes, girlfriend and of course husbands which fire red flags everywhere. I suppose its acase of the minority spoiling the marjority. But one stillcannot get away from some of the instances here where members have experienced issues in these weekend (butlins adult nights). When just chatting to a collegue my end I mention these an the look of horror on the face made me wince. His experience was similar to that of one member above Of 12 females going and sharing 10 were either single or divorced. His wife and one other were actually still married for about the same time, 25ish years. There was no question of trust issues. However, they had never been on seperate weekend or over night seperate nights such as this but my colleague agreed with of course boundries.She went, he had a call on the friday night from what he said sounded like the main showroom. All was "ok" and everyone was behaving themselves - Same came on saturday just a call at the venue. She arrives home on sunday mid-day all seemed fine. She unpacks here overnight case and places everything in to wash - he notices her top she like to wear out was all marked and comments about dribble her food - What happend next shocked him, she goes bright read and abrupt. he comment " what are you saying" made him sit up and start to think. Why the reaction. For 2 days shes texting her friend, the other married girl on the trip plus one or two others but he notices that the sent and recieved messages seem to be being deleted - when he questions this it was a case of "its all girlie talk, just rubbish" - then a picture message arrives and his wifes attitude changes. When he pushes the point and starts to ask whats happened she explained that some of her group were targeted by the mail stripper and on one occasion he'd grabbed the back of one of the girls heads and hit her in the face with his pe**s which everyone found funny - The girl was the other married lady and thats what the texts were about - Week later he sees the husband of the wifes friend and in talking suddenly the guy says "well if my wife had been giving the stripper a hand job" Id be ******** bouncing. - The story was comapred there and then and both guys realised that there was some smoke and mirrors going on When the guys go home booth push the point about who did what and both were bing lied to. Seems all of the girls had been messing about including both married girls and the marks on the wifes top were good old squirty cream. After a blazing he found out that things had got out of hand on the table and all the girls had done teh same but the wife explained it was because they were drunk. The husband then get a photo to his mobile from the other married girls- its my colleagues wife and the stripper with all the girls in teh background. He has hardly spoken to her since the beginning of june and admitted that when she goes out hes feeling sick until she comes home Since then more stories of what others got up to on the trip and he has even more suspicions that other things have happened. He is shattered by the events and feels like his world has ended - His wife has appologied saying it was just drink and being in the group. Hes said he doesnt want her bothering with any of them but they still text and still goes to each others homes periodically for a meal and a drink. In my humble opinion putting yourself in a situation where something can happen even if your not involved directly WILL cause suspicions when bits of stories get out and of course they do get out no matter how secretive people try to be


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## lovelygirl

Entropy3000 said:


> LOL.
> 
> Actually I like my wife to dress sexy when we go out. *I hope she talks to me*!


:rofl:


This made my day! 


On a serious note, I can say that us women die for some attention in the meat market. Let's just be fair. We like to flirt but that doesn't mean we want to cheat. 
Going there and saying "We are having just fun and we're doing nothing wrong" _sometimes_ is code for :_ Let's just play naive. We like attention and hopefully our husbands will let it slide this time._


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## Toffer

lovelygirl said:


> :rofl:
> 
> 
> This made my day!
> 
> 
> On a serious note, I can say that us women die for some attention in the meat market. Let's just be fair. We like to flirt but that doesn't mean we want to cheat.
> Going there and saying "We are having just fun and we're doing nothing wrong" _sometimes_ is code for :_ Let's just play naive. We like attention and hopefully our husbands will let it slide this time._


Lovely,

So is it OK for your man to go to bars and flirt with women too? Just curious!


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## Pault

I dont think its right for either to test the water (flirt and see what happens) male or female. Because of freedoms given to us (both sexes) through technology and abilities to travel to far and wide many people are continually playing the field and hoping that their partner doesn't find out. I might be old fashioned but I an really believe that people who go out to flirt are already looking for the chase to begin. Sad really but I suspect, true


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## lovelygirl

Toffer said:


> Lovely,
> 
> So is it OK for your man to go to bars and flirt with women too? Just curious!


Of course not!!!

But the fact is that every woman loves attention so it's understandable that when they choose these places to have fun, they know they will attract males attention and obviously their SO will feel uncomfortable. I'm just being honest here. 

Personally, I see no point in putting my SO in an uncomfortable situation just like I wouldn't want him to put me in one. 
If he had a problem with me going to Butlins without him then I'd either take him with me or I wouldn't go at all.


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## Toffer

lovelygirl said:


> Of course not!!!
> 
> But the fact is that every woman loves attention so it's understandable that when they choose these places to have fun, they know they will attract males attention and obviously their SO will feel uncomfortable. I'm just being honest here.
> 
> Personally, I see no point in putting my SO in an uncomfortable situation just like I wouldn't want him to put me in one.
> If he had a problem with me going to Butlins without him then I'd either take him with me or I wouldn't go at all.


Women also need to know that men want to feel desired too! Intiate now and then and we'll be over the moon!

I guess what I'm saying is that married women shouldn't be going to known meat markets and they shouldn't be flirting. They're married for God's sake! Flirting is done to attract a man! Plain and simple!


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## lovelygirl

Toffer said:


> Women also need to know that men want to feel desired too! Intiate now and then and we'll be over the moon!
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is that married women shouldn't be going to known meat markets and they shouldn't be flirting. They're married for God's sake! Flirting is done to attract a man! Plain and simple!


That's what I was trying to say.
Meat markets are dangerous for married people who go there without their respective spouses.


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## Pault

Thank you for a female perspective lovely girl....... I was really pleased to see that and its so damned nice to see people of both sexes agreeing on this particular issue.

The 
"


> Personally, I see no point in putting my SO in an uncomfortable situation just like I wouldn't want him to put me in one.
> If he had a problem with me going to Butlins without him then I'd either take him with me or I wouldn't go at all.


Wish many would read and learn from that statement - I suspect that if many couples thought like this the forum would be one tenth the size and mankind a damned sight happier.


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## The Middleman

WorkingOnMe said:


> AND your wife is now very clear that if she cheats she will get caught. No illusions. Huge deterrent.


I think I'm lucky to a certain extent too. Not too many women would put up with my assertive attitude when it comes to these issues the way my wife does. My daughter has said more than once she would not tolerate being told she can't have male friends (she knows how I feel about the subject). My response to her was: "Then it's a good thing you're not married to me". (I love her anyway)


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