# Having posted a few months ago but I am still in the same place.



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

Been maried for over 28 years and we have grown apart. We both have had candid discussions about seperating but both are scared. We have become accustomed to the charade and neither want to admit we are over but we both deep down know we are. She wants me to move back to Dallas, she want to stay here in Washington State. As I call my old friends back there searching for a new gig, it is hard to see what the future is going to bring. At 54, this totally freaks me out. I have never been alone and I will have to start over again. Not that I can not but it is what it is. How does one do this? A total change and realignemnt of my life.. It would be so much easier if I was having an affair but I am not.. Never have, she did though, and it is hard to let it go. Don't know if she slept with the guy but I really do not want to know. I just want a new gig, life and be happy, I am a good guy, Degreed and good with the cash flow. All I want is to have fun and have a partner who is outgoing, as it is right now, that is not so. I do not know what I want right now but I definatley need to move on and going back to Texas where it all began sounds like a good idea to me. 

I am confused to say the least. 

To top things off, I have a friend who wants me to write her a reference letter for her child custody case...this throws me into a headspin... As we have become very close over the time we have know each other. but she is in a battle with her ex for custody and it makes me sick to my stomach to see this first hand. I am very fond of her and she me but we are good friends... As I said this throws me into a headspin...


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

Dont worry... It sounds like it is happening. Life throws curves at us. Take it and go for it. You will be at a much better place from where you are now. It is not easy but nothing is easy anyway. Kinda like the first day at school  Scary but it can also be exciting because it is new.


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

chiben said:


> Dont worry... It sounds like it is happening. Life throws curves at us. Take it and go for it. You will be at a much better place from where you are now. It is not easy but nothing is easy anyway. Kinda like the first day at school  Scary but it can also be exciting because it is new.


Thanks, I feel like time is in slow motion and not gaining ground, almost feel like I am drowning under this pressure. I hope it all goes by fast. I could use the relief. To make matters harder my wife is like my best friend, but we do understand that neither of us can live this way. Sort of sucks, but I am lucky as we are civil and are looking out for each other as we go through this. That is why it seems so slow..... and hard.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Well since you have both discussed the situation and it sounds like youre both on board you might want to just try separating, but unofficially, maybe for a month or two, see if its something the two of you are comfortable with, if its what you really truly want or if its just a rough patch the two of you are going through. If after a few months apart the two of you are both happier and and getting used to the idea of being on your own and single again then go through with the divorce if not then youll have to work things out but either way you will know.


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

Toshiba2020 said:


> Well since you have both discussed the situation and it sounds like youre both on board you might want to just try separating, but unofficially, maybe for a month or two, see if its something the two of you are comfortable with, if its what you really truly want or if its just a rough patch the two of you are going through. If after a few months apart the two of you are both happier and and getting used to the idea of being on your own and single again then go through with the divorce if not then youll have to work things out but either way you will know.


that is sort of the plan, she wants me to move back to Dallas and start over while we work through this. However, that is quite a bit easier said than done. I am presently looking for new opportunities in Texas. Talk about life stressers. Good thing I am relatively healthy and of sound mind. Damn, I wish this was over, as it is painfull to say the least. A new beginning and a fresh start is looking good right now. I may just like being alone for a while.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

This should be the attitude. Its not easy but nothing is, and you already have the right mind set 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

My husband and I have been married 32 years and are in a similar holding pattern right now. It is scary to think about ending a relationship with someone who has been a part of your life for so long. In our case, I can see that we are over, but when we've talked about it, he wants me to stay so we can take care of each other. Staying with the status quo is comforting and familiar, but there's always a price to pay -- in this case continuing to play out a "charade" (which is exactly how it feels).

I agree with the others that it's very difficult to start over, but it has to be better than a roommate marriage.

We're about the same age


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

HiMaint57 said:


> My husband and I have been married 32 years and are in a similar holding pattern right now. It is scary to think about ending a relationship with someone who has been a part of your life for so long. In our case, I can see that we are over, but when we've talked about it, he wants me to stay so we can take care of each other. Staying with the status quo is comforting and familiar, but there's always a price to pay -- in this case continuing to play out a "charade" (which is exactly how it feels).
> 
> I agree with the others that it's very difficult to start over, but it has to be better than a roommate marriage.
> 
> We're about the same age


Went to an MC last night and it was a devasting conversation, my wife played innocent and naieve. I was asked if I found a job in another state would I go, I jumped on it and said hell yes.. I am dying in this charade, 29 years and I can not continue to hold on to this, all it is doing is hurting us both. I do care for her but as she has told me, I wanted to grow old with you... Really, what about the last 29years of me giving in to everything, I need to live a life for myself, alone., so be it. I can not explain how difficult this is for me, as I have never been alone in my life, scares the hell out of me. 

To top all this off, I did meet a person who really cares we had a very candid discussion a couple weeks ago, we spilled our guts to each other and both said we should wait until all this clears before we do anything..if at all, but it scared the hell out of both of us, This adds a whole new layer of **** in my life. No matter how many times she say we are friends she always comes back and talks. This woman thing screws me in the head so bad, I want to scream. To top this off she live 2000 miles away... 

However she is in a bad palce with her kids and ex. Court for her is tomorrow for custody. She is a good person and it hurts me to see how people will use each other as tools to advance thier own ego's and wants. I do not get it. I must be a person of old ideals. 

I am hating life right now. on so many levels. But I am good with this. thsi is why change is inevitable for me. I honestly feel like crying... I want to run, run, run... Sorry for the rant.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

2betex, I read this like your wife is pushing you to move to Texas, but I don't see you saying that you think that's a good idea. Where do you want to be?

I think part of the reason you're feeling so confused, other than the truckload of uncertainty that comes whenever a marriage, particularly a long marriage, is coming to an end, is that you may not have specific plans or goals. Spend some time asking yourself what YOU want. What your wife wants is largely immaterial at this point.


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

GTdad said:


> 2betex, I read this like your wife is pushing you to move to Texas, but I don't see you saying that you think that's a good idea. Where do you want to be?
> 
> I think part of the reason you're feeling so confused, other than the truckload of uncertainty that comes whenever a marriage, particularly a long marriage, is coming to an end, is that you may not have specific plans or goals. Spend some time asking yourself what YOU want. What your wife wants is largely immaterial at this point.


I want to go back to Texas... I have wanted to go back for years, We used to live in the DFW area. I went to college in Irving. 

I am actually in conversation with some old friends to start the ball rolling. As far as what I want, I need to get beck to the sun and Dallas area is where I lived in the past, and I did liked it there. 

I have stayed in WA for so long because she loves it here and I always put that first. Now after al the years of bad weather, clouds, and the lack of sunshine and quality of people. I find myself feeling stressed that I may be etting my life slip away appeasing others. In short, my plan is to go back, get my career moving in a direction I want, calm the heck down then go and get what I want in a relationship. Be happy is what it is all about, I have given up tht part for far to long, living the charade is got to stop.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

That sounds great. Sorry if I jumped the gun or assumed too much.

And it's actually raining a bit this summer, so it won't seem like you're moving to Cairo.


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

GTdad said:


> That sounds great. Sorry if I jumped the gun or assumed too much.
> 
> And it's actually raining a bit this summer, so it won't seem like you're moving to Cairo.


Not a problem, it is just one of those days and I need to take a breath, as aomw day are good and some are really bad. Today is bad for me, as I said earlier a girl I really care for is going to court tomorrow for a custody battle. With that on top of my stuff. it really show ow some of this suff really does stink...


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

Well the saga continues, MC tomorrow for the second time, last week was a bear as I was honest and the spouse sugar coated everything.. When we were asked about going to a MC before and we have, she lied and said she did what the counselor suggested... She did not, she admitted to manipulating me for her gain... Also admited the Dogs have more right in the house than I do. I do not get how someone can say this crap and act now like everything is fine. We went to resort by our house for breakfast the last two weekends and she posted this on facebook like we were on a honeymoon... Really... how fake can it get as I am getting madder about this every day... 

I am just trying to get by this one day at a time as I need to move on.. Beating the bush for a job back in Texas. I guess if I am going to stress stress large...lol...


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