# Big mistake



## Tiredspouse0297

So, I came to this website looking for support and advice before I left my husband last year. It was a god send and I made the break and divorced him two months later. 

He was horribly controlling, emotionally manipulative, moody, drank etc. You get the picture. I'd had enough after six years. So over the last year he's groveled and pleaded with me, showered me with affection and support, admitted his faults, swore he'd changed his ways. I finally moved back in with him two months ago and we got married again a month ago. The marriage only happened because I had a car accident in October and needed insurance to help cover my on going costs. 

Now I'm realizing what a mistake it was and now I feel duped. things are almost as bad as before but worse in some ways. He admitted to me right before we got married that he thought I was unfaithful to him throughout our marriage. What?????? Apparently he spent his time "punishing" me for it when I didn't even know what I was in trouble for! Well, at that point I didn't know what to do so we went ahead with it. Now he's turned into this weirdly jealous person that won't let me have a moments peace. I'm just at a loss. I really don't think this is going to work. I don't understand how someone can change his behavior, or seem to, for a year when really he's only gotten worse. Anyone had this experience?


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## EleGirl

He played along until you had you trapped again.

My ex used to do that. He'd be abusive, I'd say I was done. He'd get real nice until I relaxed and it would start again.

Move out and file for divorce. Get your attorney to make it so that he has to keep you on his insurance during the divorce.


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## tacoma

Why would you even consider marrying him again?

I just don`t get the thought process.

Now you have to divorce him again.


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## PBear

I'm confused. You say you only married him the second time because you needed insurance. And YOU feel duped? What did you expect? That you'd go from a marriage of convenience to having all you previous issues solved?

C


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## synthetic

> The marriage only happened because I had a car accident in October and needed insurance to help cover my on going costs.


That tells me you are an abusive person. That tells me you have no respect for yourself or your husband.

Don't give me the whole manipulation story. You manipulated a man into thinking he has a life by marrying him for the wrong reason.

Why are you feeling duped? You got exactly what you paid for. Now deal with it.

Man...some people


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## RandomGuy155

Tiredspouse0297 said:


> So, I came to this website looking for support and advice before I left my husband last year. It was a god send and I made the break and divorced him two months later.
> 
> He was horribly controlling, emotionally manipulative, moody, drank etc. You get the picture. I'd had enough after six years. So over the last year he's groveled and pleaded with me, showered me with affection and support, admitted his faults, swore he'd changed his ways. I finally moved back in with him two months ago and we got married again a month ago. The marriage only happened because I had a car accident in October and needed insurance to help cover my on going costs.
> 
> Now I'm realizing what a mistake it was and now I feel duped. things are almost as bad as before but worse in some ways. He admitted to me right before we got married that he thought I was unfaithful to him throughout our marriage. What?????? Apparently he spent his time "punishing" me for it when I didn't even know what I was in trouble for! Well, at that point I didn't know what to do so we went ahead with it. Now he's turned into this weirdly jealous person that won't let me have a moments peace. I'm just at a loss. I really don't think this is going to work. I don't understand how someone can change his behavior, or seem to, for a year when really he's only gotten worse. Anyone had this experience?


Has he really gotten worse, or just more insecure? Maybe if you were a better wife, you'd get a better husband. I know my W is negatively affected by my shortcomings, and vice versa. You said he admitted all his faults--have you admitted yours? Is it possible you both put all the blame on him? 

Either way, this is a real bummer of a reconciliation story.


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## abandonedcompletely

Tiredspouse0297 said:


> So, I came to this website looking for support and advice before I left my husband last year. It was a god send and I made the break and divorced him two months later.
> 
> He was horribly controlling, emotionally manipulative, moody, drank etc. You get the picture. I'd had enough after six years. So over the last year he's groveled and pleaded with me, showered me with affection and support, admitted his faults, swore he'd changed his ways. I finally moved back in with him two months ago and we got married again a month ago. The marriage only happened because I had a car accident in October and needed insurance to help cover my on going costs.
> 
> Now I'm realizing what a mistake it was and now I feel duped. things are almost as bad as before but worse in some ways. He admitted to me right before we got married that he thought I was unfaithful to him throughout our marriage. What?????? Apparently he spent his time "punishing" me for it when I didn't even know what I was in trouble for! Well, at that point I didn't know what to do so we went ahead with it. Now he's turned into this weirdly jealous person that won't let me have a moments peace. I'm just at a loss. I really don't think this is going to work. I don't understand how someone can change his behavior, or seem to, for a year when really he's only gotten worse. Anyone had this experience?



I am so sorry for your situation. That's how the cycle of abuse works..and sadly, many abusers can be so charming and say all the right things, that's how they get people hooked. 

Once they have you, they relax, like Elegirl said, and revert back to the 'real' them. It's an awful cycle, which will keep repeating itself.

And, they really put on the charm, make all the promises in the world to you when you leave, all of it is done to get you back. It's manipulation. Rarely is it a real change, especially without lots and lots of counseling along with hard work.

Usually, if you go back to an abuser, their abuse and control gets much worse. Kind of like if you have a dog who is able to jump the fence, when you get the dog back, you build a bigger fence.


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