# Litte advice needed? Or lost cause?



## sssudio_uk (Dec 5, 2015)

Ok.

My wife left nearly 2 months ago. 

Backstory:

We have been togethr 9 years, married 1 (next week). We moved int a very expensive house last year. And we have argued more than we ever did, which wasnt much. She also recently befirended a new clique of friends in her work place. She seemed to have gotte closer to a male of this group. Constantly texting, all hours, etc. I asked her to calm it down, but I was told I was controlling her. Is still asked her, she just hid it more so. I thought it may have been a rocky patch. Before I knew it, I became paranoid, after my friend had seem them together (just friends) I was told. She decided one of us should give the other space. I didnt want to, but I agreed, stayed away 2 days, came home, to everything of her packed. She left me, for a few days to stay in a female friends (this was not the case, it was said male) and decided to leave completly, leaving me with the 3 cats as well...not that its an issue...but it sums it up really.

I had asked to meet, and we did, and everything was fine, then a few days later, I got very positive email...then...I got told to stop emailing (already changed her cell number) - which I didnt, because I wanted an answer. She turned up on a weekend and took everything that is hers (everything) - she had moved into a flat. I can now add that I have been left with joint debt, creditcards, and a mortgage I cannot afford. I sent her a few emails, and I got a visit from the police, for harrassment warning...

So, now, nothing. And I am financially ruined, I have been surviving on selling thing from my music studio. I work, and earn goodmneym but our joint debts where high, fine for 2 people, not for 1 wage. 

I am trying to keep it toegther myself. But I cannot. And now, the situation is awful, especially at christmas, which never helps things!!

I am having some therapy, but my therpist keeps asking me to bring her for some sort of idea of what could of gone soo wrong. I know my issues, and I may not have been the happiest, or shown it, but I did absoluty adore her, I always gave my most to her, paid for everything, made sure everything was ok. No stress. 

Is there anyway, this could ever be sorted? Anyway back? I feel toomuch silence is terrible. Maybe I have strageled her into wanting to be independant? Although she is living with someone....I am certain it is siad texty person.

I am expecting divorce papers anyway day now, after our annerversary next week...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She left you for another man. You need to file a sap. Do not wait on her. 

There is no controlling when a married woman gets close to other men. You should have known this.

Have you gone full exposure on this?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon - Marriage Builders® Forums

Your best and only option at this time


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## sssudio_uk (Dec 5, 2015)

This was attempted, but everyone seem to know and were happy with it. Some encouraged her. Obviously, my friends where very much against it and couldnt believe it. I have been made out to be something Iam not.

I think I am upset that she refuses to speak...when there are financial issues that need addressing asap.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Your wife seems a bit unwilling to do anything different or work it out.

There is really nothing for you to work on. Her energy is being taken by another man.

Given your financial, get the divorce rolling and allow her to gain a share of the debt.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Your wife was having at least and emotional affair that was very likely also a physical affair. She decided to leave you for her affair partner. 

Since you're stuck with unaffordable debt, you'll have to file for divorce so that she will be responsible for her share of that debt.

Either the divorce papers will wake her up and she'll decide she wants to work on the marriage or she'll have to help pay for all those bills she left you with. Either way, you're better off than you are now.


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## RisingSun (Nov 1, 2015)

Sorry you're going through this. My stbxw left out marriage for the second time a few weeks ago. Out 11th wedding anniversary would have been in a few weeks. Turns out she had "feelings" for a woman, not reciprocated, but it made her realize she wants more than a marriage with me... and this after she'd previously left, reconciled and said she'd never leave again. 

You (and I) deserve more than to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us. The fact she cheated and moved is difficult and take time to grieve, but also to learn any lessons from what happened. 

In time, things will get better. As a wise woman from TAM mentioned to me, you have to stop re-reading the same chapter to get ready for the next one. Easier said than done, but still... a necessity.

Sounds like you might benefit from this book: No More Mr. Nice Guy

Best wishes and it will no doubt be a roller coaster ride for a while. I'm dealing with the second separation from my stbxw. There are painful and lonely times, but it has gotten easier and it's WAY easier than the last time. Hopefully the next relationship is a keeper for both of us.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

In her head she demonized you to not feel guilty for dumping someone who didn't deserve it. She is gone and is running away from you and responsibility. 

File ASAP, file, file, file!

She will not file. That involves responsibility and she is in fun, it's my turn to make it all about me time. If you file, you will legally force her to grow up and not spend her money in building a new life and trash and trample your life due to her new immature life style.

Stop wasting precious time in holding her accountable legally!


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