# Desperately trying to ruin my husband's affair trip now



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

I am now desperately trying to find a way to ruin my husband's affair trip going on right this moment. We are married for almost 25 years. He is now with this woman that he did not even know the last name. He bought airline ticket for her vacation in CA and joined her from east coast for her father’s birth day celebration. I caught everything with details on the trip plan. He was first panic, then angry. I talked to the woman, who admitted that they slept togehter before. He was determined to go on his way out to the west. So far, I have done everything I can, including cancelling their flights, which gave him big enough trouble and caused him cancellation fees, longer travel time because of the last minute flight booking to keep his original plan. I cancelled all of our credit cards last night, too. However, he is simply determined to go on with this affair, without supporting his beloved son who is coming home from college for an interview of a serious career start, as well as this coming week ends birthday celebration of his own father, who is having leukemia and becoming weaker and weaker. I am so desperate to ruin his trip in any way possible. I know that he is buying sex from the woman by paying her travel expenses and wants to be on the naked beach to experience the excitement, hoping some girl could jump on him to give him massage as the woman mentioned to him in the emails. Any suggestions on what else I can do? Anyway I can disable his cell phone? Or trace his location by his cell phone, or what ever that you can think of, please!
He is touched by evil, totally. He is throwing away all that he may have on the moral standards. He just wants to enjoy himself like he has no more tomorrow. He simply has no respect to me. What can I do to ruin his trip of 5 days?


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Why ruin it?
Take adventage of his absence and inability to change the focus and get a shark of a lawyer so you can nail him to the wall while he's outhere self destructing.
Once he's back he will be homeless, moneyless, no reputation... at least try your best.


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Calm yourself first. You can tell by your post you're in a panic and desperate. Which is 100% understandable by the way.

It sounds like you've done everything you can right now. What I'd do is take the next 5 days to gather 100% proof evidence he had an affair. Go get an attorney. Get divorce papers drawn up and have him served as he's coming off the plane (because you know where he'll be and when). I'd also pack up all of his stuff and bring it to a relative of his, brother, parents etc. and explain the situation and that he's not welcome back home. Also get a message to him telling him not to bother coming home and where his stuff is.

Dont worry about the next 5 days. Worry about the next 20 years.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

AprilTears said:


> I am now desperately trying to find a way to ruin my husband's affair trip going on right this moment. We are married for almost 25 years. He is now with this woman that he did not even know the last name. He bought airline ticket for her vacation in CA and joined her from east coast for her father’s birth day celebration. I caught everything with details on the trip plan. He was first panic, then angry. I talked to the woman, who admitted that they slept togehter before. He was determined to go on his way out to the west. So far, I have done everything I can, including cancelling their flights, which gave him big enough trouble and caused him cancellation fees, longer travel time because of the last minute flight booking to keep his original plan. I cancelled all of our credit cards last night, too. However, he is simply determined to go on with this affair, without supporting his beloved son who is coming home from college for an interview of a serious career start, as well as this coming week ends birthday celebration of his own father, who is having leukemia and becoming weaker and weaker. I am so desperate to ruin his trip in any way possible. I know that he is buying sex from the woman by paying her travel expenses and wants to be on the naked beach to experience the excitement, hoping some girl could jump on him to give him massage as the woman mentioned to him in the emails. Any suggestions on what else I can do? Anyway I can disable his cell phone? Or trace his location by his cell phone, or what ever that you can think of, please!
> He is touched by evil, totally. He is throwing away all that he may have on the moral standards. He just wants to enjoy himself like he has no more tomorrow. He simply has no respect to me. What can I do to ruin his trip of 5 days?


AprilTears,

You don't need to ruin his trip. You need to ruin his life.

How in the world could you even consider anything other than heading straight to divorce given his blatant disrespect to you. Stop being a doormat, and use your anger to systematically plan your exit strategy. Go see an attorney while he's gone. When he returns home, the first thing he needs to see is divorce paperwork on the table.

He's made the choice; now you have to make one as well.


----------



## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

AprilTears said:


> I am now desperately trying to find a way to ruin my husband's affair trip going on right this moment. We are married for almost 25 years. He is now with this woman that he did not even know the last name.



Show up at the hotel or the beach and snap some photos of him naked with another women or kissing or whatever. 

You will need these because in some states to file fault for cheating you need absolute proof.

If you live in a 50/50 state, the cheating will have little impact. 

Still, seeing those pictures will be like a cold shower for him. 

This guy has shown no remorse or willingness to save his marriage.

You may also want to show his son and family the pix, if your son is old enough.

This man has shown no guilt or remorse or willingness to put you first.


----------



## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Does she have a BH ?? If so Call and let him know as well, post them up on cheaterville and I agree contact a lawyer and throw his crap in the front yard. Change the locks tell he wants her so bad he can go move in with her.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Post him on Cheaterville.com

If he has a Facebook account, post on there about what he is doing. Include every detail you are able to.

Don't do anything that might jeapordise his job, though, as this might affect the maintenance your aggressive lawyer will screw him for.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

Dad&Hubby, your words below simply make me cry. How much I wish to hear words like this from mine!!!

The more posts I read. 
The more I love my wife!


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

April - stop it. You are fighting for a man who does not at this time deserve your time. You have done enough as far as his trip is concern.

1. Out him on cheaterville.
2. Post pictures of him and his phone number on gay sites.
3. Out him to his family and yours.
4. Lawyer up.
5. Follow the lawyer's advice on finances.
6. Where is his car? Is it in your name as well? Get it and hide it.
7. Move his stuff to the basement or garage.
8. Start focusing on you.


----------



## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

So he is away? time to cut up his clothes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

I am a breast cancer survivor and I know that I cannot quite fulfill his desire because of the hormone treatment side effect. I feel badly about it, but this is no justificatioin on his ****ting me like this without any respect to me, to what we have built togehter for the last 25 years!!

I cannot travel that far to ruin his trip or take photos. 1. I have no idea where he is staying. 2. I want to stay home to support my son for his career start even though he does not want to. I don't want my son to come back to an empty cold home. I also want to show my respect to his elderly parents this weekend, making them feel that we care about them. His father is getting sicker and sicker. I still feel that I am part of that family, they are still my relatives. 

I am now totally broken down without strength to fight, only sadness and desperation and depression.


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

I am so sorry April. Your husband is a little b!tch and a loser- you deserve so much better. 


My advice. Get a beast attorney- one the specilizes in taking husbands to the cleaners- there are many. 

Then have his crap on the lawn when he comes back. Change the locks and say "seeya d-bag. Have a nice life." 

Have him served at work. 

Have a temporary restraining order issued as well. 

Then the next five days spend a little, (and by a little, I mean a lot) of his money on yourself. Take your son out to a nice dinner. Then get yourself into a spa and give yourself a little treatment and pamper up a bit. 

I'm very sorry. Don't let him give you lower self esteem. 

F*ck him. He's a punk. Just remember that.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

In_The_Wind said:


> Does she have a BH ?? If so Call and let him know as well, post them up on cheaterville and I agree contact a lawyer and throw his crap in the front yard. Change the locks tell he wants her so bad he can go move in with her.


No she is single mother, I believe. She is unemployeed. She has a 21 year old son, who does marijuana. She sounded like a long time smoker.


----------



## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

AprilTears said:


> I cannot travel that far to ruin his trip or take photos. 1. I have no idea where he is staying. 2. I want to stay home to support my son for his career start even though he does not want to. I don't want my son to come back to an empty cold home. I also want to show my respect to his elderly parents this weekend, making them feel that we care about them. His father is getting sicker and sicker. I still feel that I am part of that family, they are still my relatives.
> 
> I am now totally broken down without strength to fight, only sadness and desperation and depression.


Can you hire a detective? He is spending your marital assets on her. You are entitled to an equal share for a detective. Take it, and use it. Call one now. 

As for the family. You are obviously a giver. I bet you take care of everyone, and have lots of trouble saying no to requests for help no matter how untimely or unreasonable. 

Enlighten your son and family to why your husband is not with you and them. Show them the tickets and any other proof you have. 

Maybe they can wake him up to the reality of what he is doing. 

You need the support of your son, now, too. Stop protecting your son from the knowledge that his father is not only neglecting you, but he's neglecting your son and his family, too.

You are a cancer survivor. You can survive this.


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Wow. What a bottom feeder you hubby chose to have an affair with. Unemployed and 21 year old son smokes pot...... Wow. 

But you can use this, maybe your hubby hits the bong with the sk*ank as well. 

If his job requires drug testing or 'clean' employees, drop a dime on his dumb a$$. 

But before you do that- spend his money. Then get him fired, lol. 

That would be good. 

But seriously, get an attorney and destroy him legally.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

AprilTears said:


> I am a breast cancer survivor and I know that I cannot quite fulfill his desire because of the hormone treatment side effect. I feel badly about it, but this is no justificatioin on his ****ting me like this without any respect to me, to what we have built togehter for the last 25 years!!
> 
> I cannot travel that far to ruin his trip or take photos. 1. I have no idea where he is staying. 2. I want to stay home to support my son for his career start even though he does not want to. I don't want my son to come back to an empty cold home. I also want to show my respect to his elderly parents this weekend, making them feel that we care about them. His father is getting sicker and sicker. I still feel that I am part of that family, they are still my relatives.
> 
> I am now totally broken down without strength to fight, only sadness and desperation and depression.



This is not your fault. Your WS's asinine behavior is just putrid to me.

Does his parents know about this?

Is this behavior out of the norm? 
has your husband done anything like this before? 
Did he say anything to you as to why he is doing this?
What is your son saying about this?


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I can't agree with all the negativity and revenge being suggested here. Your husband is morally bankrupt. That is his problem. Your son son is an adult and owns his relationship with your husband. Same goes for your father in law. You don't need to be their avenging angel.

Focus on yourself and getting the best start to a new life without him. Good call on cancelling the credit cards, but I doubt that will slow him down much. Find a good lawyer and move forward with divorce at lightning speed. Don't give your husband a chance to take a breath. Move any and all jointly held funds into a different account in your name only. The court will likely require you to return it later, but at least there will be an accounting of the money and he can't just piss it away on the other woman. Take any items that are of special value to you (family heirlooms and such) and give them to a trusted friend or family member to hold for you. You don't do these things for revenge, you do them to protect yourself.

Don't waste another ounce of yourself trying to interfere with his trip. Let him do as he pleases, he will soon be suffering the consequences of his actions regardless. 

Good luck to you. It's not your fault he did this, so don't buy and BS stories he tries to tell you. He chose this path, let him walk it.


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Expose to everyone who matters. Then stop focussing on him, focus on yourself. See a lawyer, start divorce proceedings. See a doctor, take care of yourself. His choices reflect upon him, not on you. This isn't your fault, nor is it because of your cancer. Seize assists and negotiate from a position of strength!


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

I am sure my husband will not touch the drug. He cares about his own health badly and he knows what drug will do to him.


----------



## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

AprilTears said:


> I am sure my husband will not touch the drug. He cares about his own health badly and he knows what drug will do to him.


April, you can always ask an attorney to freeze your marital assets so that he can not spend any on the OW. 

It's best not to move any money out yourself. Ask your attorney about this. It just makes you look deceptive, and will hurt you in court.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

How to find a divorce lawyer? I have talked to two and have no idea on how to select. Up front fee is 4K for one and 7K for the other. I had previous bad experience in choosing a wrong lawyer and ended up spent the money without the lawyer fighting for me. Icing on the cake.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

When you look online you may find ratings for the attorney that others have posted. Keep in mind that these ratings are not always legit. When I did my search I looked at various websites. I wanted someone who shared my faith background and found a good one. He was not cheap and in the end he did not charge me after my wife repented and came clean. He wanted 3K upfront.

I also found that in my area there are tons of attorneys. Several give free one hour phone or office consults. I basically got everything answered for free, so when I picked out my attorney I did not have to spend a lot on the first hour going over this and that. i could move on to brass tacks.

I did not understand the process of D in our state. Going before a judge is the last resort in our state. We could have met with one attorney and mediated the D and that would had been fairly inexpensive. Typically each will have their own attorney and if both parties can agree that is all the further you need to take it. If not, then you go before a Master (a court appointed attorney for the county) who will decide the terms. If you disagree with the Master then you go before a judge. 

This is the no-fault process in my state.

I could have gone fault but that would have cost me about 8K or more. People go fault when there is quite a bit of money involved. Many attorneys in my state have never done a fault D.

Learn all you can about the D laws in your state, while you seek out an attorney.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you have any friends or family that have recently gone through a divorce? Maybe you can get a referral?

Speaking of friends and family... Have you exposed his affair to anyone else? Parents, siblings, children, mutual friends, etc? People that he might respect when they burn up his phone trying to call him?

You should be able to sit down and talk to a lawyer to discuss the situation without coughing up thousands of dollars. Many will give a free initial consultation, for others you might have to pay for an initial visit.

C


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

We have had joined finance since day 1. He manages everything. I never saw this day coming and totally trusted him. Since I caught him right on the spot with all the evidences, he might be starting to hide money and documents. This might be something costly for the attorney to spend hours on, maybe? I heard one lawyer said that as long as I have the institution's name where he might be hiding money, he can subpoena the relevant documents on the hidden money. What site rates lawyers on Internet?


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

In_The_Wind said:


> Does she have a BH ?? If so Call and let him know as well, post them up on cheaterville and I agree contact a lawyer and throw his crap in the front yard. Change the locks tell he wants her so bad he can go move in with her.





Thorburn said:


> This is not your fault. Your WS's asinine behavior is just putrid to me.
> 
> Does his parents know about this?
> 
> ...


I plan the TELL ALL this weekend to his family and to my son, showing them all I have, photos, emails, air plane tickets, everything. However, this will only show them what kind of person and how carrupted he has become, hopefully make him feel uncomfortable, ashamed, I guess? If he does not have any consience, he won't feel bad at all. Leaving the life we built together for the last 25+ years is hard. I think it is going to be hard for both his parents and my parents to digest, too. I can't imagine the road ahead of me, alone, sad, helpless and depressed.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

AprilTears said:


> I plan the TELL ALL this weekend to his family and to my son, showing them all I have, photos, emails, air plane tickets, everything. However, this will only show them what kind of person and how carrupted he has become, hopefully make him feel uncomfortable, ashamed, I guess? If he does not have any consience, he won't feel bad at all. Leaving the life we built together for the last 25+ years is hard. I think it is going to be hard for both his parents and my parents to digest, too. I can't imagine the road ahead of me, alone, sad, helpless and depressed.


Do you know who this trollop is? Name, Facebook, etc.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Why ruin it?
> Take adventage of his absence and inability to change the focus and get a shark of a lawyer so you can nail him to the wall while he's outhere self destructing.
> Once he's back he will be homeless, moneyless, no reputation... at least try your best.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
Yep. Send the ungrateful chap packing!


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

3putt said:


> Do you know who this trollop is? Name, Facebook, etc.


Yes, I do. I got everything, email address, home address, phone numbers, Facebook page.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

AprilTears said:


> I am sure my husband will not touch the drug. *He cares about his own health badly *and he knows what drug will do to him.


Really. I'm guessing there's about a 2% chance that he uses condoms when he lays it down with his pot smokin' honey.

Too me, that's a much greater health risk then smoking some weed and I can just about garan-friggin-tee you that he'll be jiming without a shoot.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

I am so torn between the ideas: dump him or stay in the marriage and learn to tolerate him. Both will be very painful process. Does anyone here see a slim chance that he is simply going to LA for fun without engaging sex? I sometimes want to think that way, but the truth is so strongly written that they slept together before as admitted by the OW, they travelled, watched showes, visited museums together behind my back. If there is nothing going on, why he has to hide from me? After I caught him about 6, 7 weeks ago, he showed efforts in caring more about me, and I did, too, trying to give him some time to change his mind about the trip. I was so upset and desperate finding out that he will leave his whole family behind for the so called "friendship".


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Really. I'm guessing there's about a 2% chance that he uses condoms when he lays it down with his pot smokin' honey.
> 
> Too me, that's a much greater health risk then smoking some weed and I can just about garan-friggin-tee you that he'll be jiming without a shoot.


That is so true. We don't have any condoms at home. I don't even know about the various sizes.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

AprilTears said:


> Does anyone here see a slim chance that he is simply going to LA for fun without engaging sex?


I'm not seeing it.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Take all the money out of your bank account , tell his family. Post his plans to his Facebook page including all the information about who this woman is . Blast her to her friends as well 

Let the air out of his tires . Take his wallet and all of his ID so we can't get on the plane. Take his clothes. 

Put dye in his shampoo. 

Meet with a lawyer and get divorce papers. Fill them out and tell him you are filling. 

Call your friends and family NOW and ask for help. Tell your son.

Lastly have some locksmith scheduled to show up before he leaves so he can watch the locks being changed as you pack all his clothes into garbage bags and put them on the curb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

My advise is much different than others here. Mine keeps your dignity in tack. Don't ruin his trip. By ruining his trip, you are stooping down to his level and making yourself look cheap. Why would you want a man in your life that does not want you? Why would you want to force him to comply? Where is your pride, your dignity? If he wants to cheat, let him go. Get an attorney and start proceedings. There is nothing left for you in your marriage. Move on, and let the pig mire in the mud. Stop casting your pearls before the swine.


----------



## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

> I am so torn between the ideas: dump him or stay in the marriage and learn to tolerate him. Both will be very painful process. Does anyone here see a slim chance that he is simply going to LA for fun without engaging sex? I sometimes want to think that way, but the truth is so strongly written that they slept together before as admitted by the OW, they travelled, watched showes, visited museums together behind my back. If there is nothing going on, why he has to hide from me? After I caught him about 6, 7 weeks ago, he showed efforts in caring more about me, and I did, too, trying to give him some time to change his mind about the trip. I was so upset and desperate finding out that he will leave his whole family behind for the so called "friendship".


So is this a long term affair then?

The split mind thinking you have is totally understandable. 

You have to function with hope that this can be overcome and he will come to his senses and recommit to you, but at the same time focus on yourself, get strong and prepare for a life without him.

This can be very hard, but it can be done. I have done it.

When I started to become strong and let him know that I could and would make it without him then he started to recommit himself back to our marriage. 

It's a lot of work and effort so you really have to come to a decision about wether or not you want him back in your life or not. Especially after his terrible betrayal of you.

While your making this decision, be strong and follow the other posters recommendations and protect yourself financially and emotionally by separating your lives. It can always be unseparated later if this is what you want. 

But you need to show him strength, determination and independence.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AprilTears said:


> We have had joined finance since day 1. He manages everything. I never saw this day coming and totally trusted him. Since I caught him right on the spot with all the evidences, he might be starting to hide money and documents. This might be something costly for the attorney to spend hours on, maybe? I heard one lawyer said that as long as I have the institution's name where he might be hiding money, he can subpoena the relevant documents on the hidden money. What site rates lawyers on Internet?


While he is gone, get copies of every financial and personal paper that you can find in the house. Store the papers somewhere other than in your house.

If you scan them into pdf or image files, in instead of getting paper copies, store them on a site like www.dropbox.com you can store files there for free. that way you can get to them from anywhere over the internet.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AprilTears said:


> I am so torn between the ideas: dump him or stay in the marriage and learn to tolerate him. Both will be very painful process.


Who is suggesting that you tolerate him cheating? That’s a terrible idea. Divorce him. 



AprilTears said:


> Does anyone here see a slim chance that he is simply going to LA for fun without engaging sex? I sometimes want to think that way, but the truth is so strongly written that they slept together before as admitted by the OW, they travelled, watched showes, visited museums together behind my back. If there is nothing going on, why he has to hide from me? After I caught him about 6, 7 weeks ago, he showed efforts in caring more about me, and I did, too, trying to give him some time to change his mind about the trip. I was so upset and desperate finding out that he will leave his whole family behind for the so called "friendship".


He’s chosen her. You gave it a shot but he chose her. You need to protect yourself now.

Do not give him warning that you are filing for divorce. Just get an attorney and file. 

By the say, keep track of the money he spends on the affair. Even in a no-fault state you can sue him in the divorce for squandering community assets. In some states you could end up with the lion’s share of the marital assets because he is cheating. Even in some no-fault states. He is being very very stupid.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do meet with a lawyer and get divorce papers. Fill them out and do not tell your husband that you are filling. let him wait until he is served to find out your plans.

Do take all the money out of the joint accounts and put it in an account in your name. But only do this after your you speak to your attorney about it.

Do tell his family, your friends and your family NOW and ask for help. Tell your son

Do not post on plans on his Facebook as it might get him fired. You want him working so he can support you and pay your son's education.

Do not post on her Facebook. Treat her like the nothing she is. Ignore her from here on out as though she does not exist. Do not lower yourself to fight her for him. 

Do not let the air out of his tires, that's taking it to the edge of violence.

Do not take his ID or his clothing. If he wants to cheat this badly, why would you lower yourself to fight for him or to ruin it any more for him. He and she will do just fine in ruining their own cheating relationship. Only 3% of affairs ever lead to anything permanent. 


Do not put dye in his shampoo. While some might find this amusing, he can get a restraining order against you for doing this and get your removed from your home to keep him 'safe'. This is especially true if you let the air out of his tires, take his clothing and his ID.

Do not change the locks on your home. It's his legal residence as well. He has as much right to live there as you do. He can get the police or a locksmith to let him back in. And if you give him a hard time about moving back in, he can get a restraining order against you.

As much fun as it would be, do not put his clothes in garbage bags and put them on the curb.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

The best reason to ruin his trip is so he doesn't spend martial assets on his *****.

If he leaves it should be with the shirt on his back until the lawyers work out the distribution. 

Taking the money out of the bank is a serious suggestion. Many of us did it to protect ourselves. It is effective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Zomb (Aug 12, 2013)

Hi April, sorry you are going to through this. Many of us have been there. From your posts I understand that you want to save your marriage. That is fine. Don’t let other decide that for you. You are the only one that can decide when to throw in the towel. However, if that is what you want you are definitely making the wrong actions. If you keep forcing him to stay (canceling the credit cards, canceling his airplane tickets, etc) you are actually pushing him more to the AP. You need to be strong and dispassionate. Tell him that if he goes to this trip he cannot come back home, and if he leave (he will probably go because he is very deep in the affair fog) you should pack all his clothes by the time he comes back and ask him to leave the house. You have to calm down now. You have to understand that there is not much you can do right now to positively influence his behavior. The process for restoring your marriage is a long and complex path. So what you have to do now is to focus on yourself and try to emotionally detach from him as much as you can. That is the only way you can set boundaries and take good decision. This man is not the guy you married 25 years ago (and he will not be this man while he remains in the affair fog). Thus, emotional detachment from him is indispensable. In fact, it will be necessary whether if you want to reconcile with him or not. Try to read books on the topic: “Crumbling Commitment” and “Divorce Busting” are a good place to start. Keep writing on TAM, this site is amazing. And finally, find a lawyer because you cannot trust your husband while he is in this emotional state. Good luck.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes please see a lawyer and get a D started before he gets back....

He has chosen another woman.

He has treated you horribly and cruelly...I'm so sorry.

Now.... time to get proactive and look after yourself and your personal interests.
He no longer cares..you need to care about yourself.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

THe way you describe your husband's willfulness to continue with this trip in lieu of your efforts to derail it shows his determination to be with this other woman. Most of the time you will see the wayward running home at this point, maybe be angry at their spouse, and of course coming up with some lamebrain story of denying what they were really intending to do. But to continue so blantantly is way over the top.

1. To find an attorney.
a. You don't need a family law specialist if your children are grown.
b. Depending on your financial status you may need an attorney that has a specialty in finance.
c. Not knowing how your husband will react to this it is a little too early to say exactly what will happen. The cheapest way to work out a D is to mediate it.
d. Some will tell you to get the nastiest shark possible. Maybe, but typically the law will determine the terms. The saying, "I am going to take him for all he is worth", is just a reaction. Courts rarely care about adultery anymore. If the D becomes nasty then you need a more agressive attorney. If you can come to terms all you will need is a mediator.
e. Websites. Check out Nolo.com divorsenet.com, Attorney Pages.com , Lawyers.com, American Bar Association.

I looked and looked online. Looked at reviews, etc. I found a good attorney. In the end I did not need to follow through with D but I was confident in my attorney.


----------



## whispersofme (Sep 18, 2013)

Why would you want to stop him when you can now use this time to get your ducks in a row. 

Let him go, you have get receipts for the two plane tickets, the hotel room, and anything he takes money out of the account for this trip. Make it difficult for him to pay for anything - take the half the money and move it to another account AFTER you make sure all your bills for the month are paid.

Go through your house with a fine tooth comb, find all his evidence of the affair.

Get on the computer and find out all his passwords and check his emails, documents, history on the web. Make several copies and give them to your sons, in-laws, friends and put one in a safe deposit box and to your lawyer.

Oh yeah, contact a lawyer, get recommendations from friends, the web etc for the best Beast lawyer out there. Find out from the attorney what your rights are. I'm betting since he has LEFT your marital home to be with someone else, it can be considered abadonment and you can change the locks on the door, get a temporary injunction that states he has to pay for so much of the marital bills and NOT live in the house and move his stuff out. 

Make sure you go over his car with a fine tooth comb tooth. You can be very inventive if he leaves his car at the airport or where you can reach it. Don't do anything that costs a lot of money to be fixed though - just make it unpleasant. Move it from one parking lot at the airport to another. Flatten his tires and take the spare. Spread vaseline (or lube) on the handles and inside the car on anything he will touch. Turn up the volume, turn on the windshield wipers, fix the horn so that it blows constantly when he uses the steering wheel. Put shrimp under the seat - should be nice and smelly when he returns. Oh and pack all his belongs and put them in the trunk of the car - along with all the buttons pulled off, zippers busted and the crotch ripped - nothing major and easy to fix but oh so irratating. (yes I can be quite vicious) OR if your name is on the title only, sell it. 

Cell phones - report it stolen and you need it turned off - if he tries to use it BAM, it won't work. What? you can always say you didn't know he was taking it and thought it was stolen. Cut his charger cord just enough that he won't notice it but enough that it won't chart. Switch his number to another number - if you are able to get to his handset. 

Seriously though, you can do all sorts of mean stuff to him but the best offense is a good defense - and the quickest way to tick him off is to beat him at his own game. Hit him where it hurts, his wallet - go talk to the lawyer and find out what is legally ok for you to do and follow the lawyers advice. Do not step out of line, play by the rules set forth by the lawyer and divorce him. Take him for all he worth, expose him to his family, his job, friends etc. Do not let him make you out to be the horrible one - show everyone his true colors...and play up the cancer card - nothing will make people dislike him more than to know he threw you over because of that. 

above all else, do NOT allow his actions reflect on how great a person you are. Let your light shine, because he is trying to darken your days. Let the other woman have him, because ya know, he is downgrading while you will be upgrading!


----------



## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

AprilTears said:


> We have had joined finance since day 1. He manages everything. I never saw this day coming and totally trusted him. Since I caught him right on the spot with all the evidences, he might be starting to hide money and documents. This might be something costly for the attorney to spend hours on, maybe? I heard one lawyer said that as long as I have the institution's name where he might be hiding money, he can subpoena the relevant documents on the hidden money. What site rates lawyers on Internet?



You can also hire a forensic accountant. They are not cheap but worth it.

If you have his social security number, you can run a credit report on him, and that will show any credit cards or new bank accounts he may have opened. 

If he transferred money. This will make him look very bad in court and will work in your favor.

Please don't do anything destructive to his property. This can sometimes result in a criminal charge, even if he is the one cheating.

Even if a car title is in your name, if it was purchased while you were married, it's a marital asset, so do not sell it.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

are we getting the whole story?

congrats on surviving breast cancer.

you mentioned that you can't satisfy him because of hormone therapy.could you evplain. I might be way off base here but are you saying no more sex because of your fight with cancer.

can you guys do other things like oral,hand jobs to keep the sex alive.

did he comunicate that it was important to try to keep some sexual activity even if its lesser than what you had before?

Now if hes just turned off because of your cancer or treatments then hes just an a$$. and if thats the case then start the exit plan using all the advice give all ready. hold your head high knowing hes just a pathetic person who would leave their family when he is needed most.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> can you guys do other things like oral,hand jobs to keep the sex alive.


Did you miss the part where he's already having sex with someone else?

Or are you advocating that she try to win him back by making the sex better than it is with his affair partner?

Because if so, that's a rather poor strategy.


----------



## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

I have been where you are, and what I'm going to tell you will go against everything you feel right now to be true. But it's something I wish I could have told myself a few years ago.

Stop all focus and energy on this man. Whoever you thought your husband was no longer exists. Ruining his week, trying to get him to focus on the important things like family will only drive him further into this state of immorality that he's chosen.

All your energy needs to be on you. 

First, get to a doctor and get tested. I know, it's humilating but it's important. 

Next, get to a lawyer and know your rights and act! Get temporary orders in place for support and protection of the marital assets. If he's 'paying for sex' he'll drain your savings.

Get a order to have him removed from the house and change the locks.

Close ranks and get some really good supporters and advocates that will circle around and protect you during this time.

When you talk to your son be honest but not cruel. Do not ailenate him by bashing his father. He is an adult, let him draw his own conclusions.

Most importantly, do not believe that doing these things will "knock some sense" into him. It won't. Others will try to tell you that you can change a cheater or reform them. You can't. You can't make choices for someone else, only you.

I'm 5 years from ending my 20 year marriage to a horrible man. I'm okay. Our sons are okay. We agree that our lives are better now than they ever were with him. I ached for a long time for the dreams that should have and could have been but I let them go and I embrace the idea that my life is limitless and I dream new dreams now. Happier, safer dreams with no sadness or pain.


----------



## Mrs Chai (Sep 14, 2010)

Hello April,

You have a lot of great advice in this thread, so I'm just here to let you know that I am so sorry you are going through this and that even though it is really dark where you're at right now, there is an end to this tunnel.

The hardest part about this will be believing in yourself and making sure you are doing the best thing for YOU and not him. You sound like a loving, giving, and caring person, so I know how you might struggle with that. You do not deserve to be treated this way. This is intolerable and it's okay for you to stand next to that and shout it to the heavens.

You have a lot of supporters here, keep coming back to check in, we are here to cheer you on!


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

badmemory said:


> AprilTears,
> 
> You don't need to ruin his trip. You need to ruin his life.
> 
> ...


yes...but start with the trip

Call airports/customs and report him as a drug smuggler...

Send an email from HIS account to the airports he will be trabelng from/to and threaten to blow up the plane with a bomb (DONT use your own computer or phone for this, nothing that can be traced to you)

Is he under an assumed name?? Call hotels until you find him, call around and have male escorts/dancers come to his rooms at all hours of the night...call adjacent rooms at 4am and spew racial slurs at the person...tell them your in room so and so (hubbys room) and he asked you to call...sooner or later someones gonna want to beat his ass

dont you have the itenerary?? follow them from place to place and get creative...do you know her name or personal info???

get creative:rofl:


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

AprilTears.. 

You are in such denial, you can't even think straight.. Find a real friend and confide in them to help you out and think straight.. 

You posting on deciding if you will get divorced or keep the marriage is clear of how clouded your thoughts are.. 

You have zero control over what he does. You can decide to keep this marriage but you can never control him from leaving.. Do you think he will keep this going? Eventually he will completely tire of you and cut you loose. But until then you will endure more torture and mental anguish they you think your enduring now.. 

Find a therapist immediately.. 

You're all over the place here that you're like a scatter brain.. All your doing is showing your husband why she shouldn't be with you. 

What do you think this woman is doing right now.. She is saying to him, see babe this is why you need to leave and we need to be together.

And he is telling her, see how crazy my wife is.. You think this is bad, you need to see the other stuff she does.. 

All you are doing right now is solidifying their relationship. They are bonding against the common enemy, which is you..

You need to face the reality that he has lost all respect for you and you need to move on.. No matter how much we tell you this you will not grasp it until you are actually ready to grasp it.

You no longer are his first choice.. You are his second choice.. His PLAN B.. You are the runner up and always will be. If he decides to come back home he will eventually do this again with someone closer.. 

As far as lawyers go.. Just make sure the lawyer deals with divorces and not a real estate lawyer that dabbles in divorce for example. Just ask the lawyer when was the last time he went into family court.. He can't lie to you. You know that whole code of ethics, bar exam thing..

Ask him how many divorce cases he handled in 2012 or 2011 or both..


Regardless if you are a stay at home mom, he will have to pay for both your lawyer and his.. 

Request a credit report for him and you.. You are allowed on free one each year.. That will show all your credit cards and bank accounts.. Unless he has money in the cayman islands or something crazy like that it should pop up on the credit report..

You can get it online in seconds.. Again it is free..

But trust me everyone is going to give you solid advice here. The problem is you will probably not act on it until it is too late because you are in such denial atm.. 

Again not knocking you because I did the same.. So I know from experience.. 

The 180 is my signature and if you want to know what happens when you don't listen to people here you can read my story also in my signature.. 

Granted in the end I came out on top.. But I had to endure months and months of pain before I realized what a fool I was.. Trust me when I tell you I will NEVER, NEVER forget those 4 months... EVER... 

You think this is bad ? Trust me it can and WILL get worse..


----------



## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

Mrs Chai said:


> You have a lot of great advice in this thread,


There is probably more appallingly bad advice in this thread than good advice. It really sickens me that April is going through the worst times of her life and people here are encouraging her to take stupid vindictive actions that will accomplish nothing but make her situation worse. What April need is some professional help from a competent lawyer to begin to protect her material interests and she needs emotional support from family and friends. we on TAM should just be lending a sympathetic ear, giving her an opportunity to let her emotions out and reassurance that, although things look bleak right now, she will get through this.

April - You beat the cancer and you'll beat this the same way. When you were sick you had doctors to handle the treatment and I bet you had family and friends to give you support and to take care of some of your everyday needs so that you could focus on getting better. Unfortunately you'll need all of that again. Get a lawyer you feel comfortable with and let him worry about handling your husband and let your family and friends help you so that you can focus on the emotional healing that you will need. You will get through this.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

missthelove2013 said:


> yes...but start with the trip
> 
> Call airports/customs and report him as a drug smuggler...
> 
> ...


Please ignore this post. In particular, the illegal parts like making false accusations and phoning in a false bomb threat that would impact a bunch of innocent people. 

Thank you.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

missthelove2013 said:


> Call airports/customs and report him as a drug smuggler...
> 
> Send an email from HIS account to the airports he will be trabelng from/to and threaten to blow up the plane with a bomb (DONT use your own computer or phone for this, nothing that can be traced to you)


While the above are amusing to think about they are both crimes. She could end up with a criminal record and even in prison for doing these things.



missthelove2013 said:


> night...call adjacent rooms at 4am and spew racial slurs at the person...tell them your in room so and so (hubbys room) and he asked you to call...sooner or later someones gonna want to beat his ass


Again amusing to think about but could have criminal consequences. She could be prosecuted if someone actually did beat him up for the calls and the calls were traced back to her. People have be prosecuted for doing this kind of thing. And it might be considered a hate crime, making the punishment worse.



missthelove2013 said:


> dont you have the itenerary?? follow them from place to place and get creative...do you know her name or personal info???:


Stalking laws…. 

Let’s be careful about suggesting things to a person who is very upset that could put them in legal jeopardy.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AprilTears,

How's it going with you?


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

Thank you all for your advises. Yes, I am very upset, angry, helpless, not being able to think clearly. But I do still have the ability to make judgements on what I should and should not do.

I spent several hours to share my situation with my son, who is very understanding, honest and supportive. He talks and analyses like a full grown up now. I am very grateful that he wants to take care of me in the future. As hard as it can be going through this, I would have to stand by myself strong.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you tell your family?


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

ScrewedEverything said:


> There is probably more appallingly bad advice in this thread than good advice. It really sickens me that April is going through the worst times of her life and people here are encouraging her to take stupid vindictive actions that will accomplish nothing but make her situation worse. What April need is some professional help from a competent lawyer to begin to protect her material interests and she needs emotional support from family and friends. we on TAM should just be lending a sympathetic ear, giving her an opportunity to let her emotions out and reassurance that, although things look bleak right now, she will get through this.
> 
> April - You beat the cancer and you'll beat this the same way. When you were sick you had doctors to handle the treatment and I bet you had family and friends to give you support and to take care of some of your everyday needs so that you could focus on getting better. Unfortunately you'll need all of that again. Get a lawyer you feel comfortable with and let him worry about handling your husband and let your family and friends help you so that you can focus on the emotional healing that you will need. You will get through this.


ScrewedEverything: Thank you! I am heart broken, desperate, helpless, but I am an educated and intelligent woman. I am still able to make judgements on what I should not do. I have got family's support completely. That is a big help to get through this. Thank you, everyone for reading this thread and giving me your advises and thoughts. Knowing that there are so much support here indeed helped me let the pain and emotion out of me.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Did you tell your family?


EleGirl, yes, I did, except his parents. His family is with me today to celebrate his father's 78th birthday. His health is going down hills.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

AprilTears said:


> EleGirl, yes, I did, except his parents. His family is with me today to celebrate his father's 78th birthday. His health is going down hills.


And there is a consequence. Your husband will have to live with the fact that he most likely missed the last birthday for his father........and he did so for a low life who doesn't care about anyone but herself.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AprilTears said:


> ScrewedEverything: Thank you! I am heart broken, desperate, helpless, but I am an educated and intelligent woman. I am still able to make judgements on what I should not do. I have got family's support completely. That is a big help to get through this. Thank you, everyone for reading this thread and giving me your advises and thoughts. Knowing that there are so much support here indeed helped me let the pain and emotion out of me.


The concern about the types of things people suggested that you do is not the you necessarily would do some of them. For every person who posts here there are hundreds, if not thousands, who read this site. We never know who will read what we post and act on it. I'd hate to think that someone who is not as level headed as you read some of the ideas on this thread and ran with them.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> And there is a consequence. Your husband will have to live with the fact that he most likely missed the last birthday for his father........and he did so for a low life who doesn't care about anyone but herself.


This is so true, SaltInWound. My husband's brother and his wife who just lost her mother to cancer a year ago said they are seeing similar signs in his father that they experienced with her mother last year. It is so hurtful to accept the fact that my husband joined the woman in celebrating her father's birthday instead. And she said in voice mail to me "I don't want your husband. I don't. He injected to my trip." This was confirmed to be true from his email messages and text messages on how he came up with this trip idea. She also confirmed in another voice mail "We had sex in that road trip.", refering to their trip a year or two ago. 

When I confronted to my husband about this trip, the first thing he said was "There will be no future between her and me." I believe that is true, as well, because the geographic distance make it very hard for them to get togher, also she is totally not at the same social and economic level: high school degree vs. graduate degrees; umeployeed vs. multiple jobs; grown up in totally different parts of world and culture that have completely different values; financial status wise there is a big gap between the two; physical wise she is 5 years older and looks even older than her age. She talks drity, using F word all the time in her voice mail and text messages. Totally no class. 

You can probably see why I am so heart broken and desperate with this situation when he abondans his family for such a cheap and aged woman to have fun for 5 days and throwing away his 25 years of life. 

The family is very shocked and upset about the choice he made with all that education and life experience he had. They cannot understand what is the mind set behind this and actually question if he is mentally sick. What is happenning does not sound like coming out of a highly educated and intelligent man.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you posted her up on cheaterville,com?


----------



## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Have you posted her up on cheaterville,com?


Why her and not him?

April,

I understand how it's painful for you  

It looks like your WH is purely after wild dirty sex - there is nothing else his AP can give him. If he says that he is not going to build any future with her - then he realises that. 

I assume that you are willing to forgive him - otherwise you would already kick him out and divorce.

However, it doesn't mean that you should sit, wait and suffer quietly till your WH will be fully satisfied and the lust wears off. Give him a powerful wake up call - file for divorce.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

I am making up the mind to go separate ways. Nothing can be started until the business week starts. It is very painful, my heart is bleeding. Part of me is so attached to the 25 years of life we built together. Another, does not quite see a happy future together. 

I got all the information to cancel their rebooked return tickets. I am struggling about if I should cause them the flight cancellation trouble again at the last minute of the flights, but it will surely be at the cost of our marital asset! (another 200+ dollars concellation fee). Another reason I struggle with the cancellation is that I am simply a kind hearted person, never intentionally do mean things to cause others' trouble. The cancellation I made on their outbound flight was out of extreme anger, shock and desbelieve on my husband's choice. 

I do hear several people on this forum, advising to not spend more time and energy in tyring to ruin their trip. However, it is sooooo tempting. I am sure you all can understand that torture, right?


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

AprilTears said:


> I do hear several people on this forum, advising to not spend more time and energy in tyring to ruin their trip. However, it is sooooo tempting. I am sure you all can understand that torture, right?


I do understand how you feel, coming out of a 22 year marriage. Let me put a different perspective on it. How about let him create his own consequences? Don't interfere. The reason I say this is because let's say you cancel the return tickets and his father dies before he gets home. Who do you think he is going to blame? Who do you think his entire family is going to blame? What if the rebooked plane he catches ends up crashing? Wouldn't it be better to let him get on his scheduled plane and if it crashes, you can say "he would be alive if he wasn't cheating on me"?


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

If you post her up on CV, then email that link to as many of her friends and family (thru Facebook) as possible, you may not even have to worry about this trip. Bring all her shameless deeds to light to the ones she respects the most, and she may rethink just who the hell she's messing with.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I would just throw in the towel with him. He may really regret all he has done at some later date, but the damage he has done with all of this is irreversible, in my opinion.

I would just let him go. If he thinks it's OK to hurt you like this, then let him go. You need to stand up for yourself and take care of you. Stand on pride - it will be the best thing for you in the end.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

OK, my friends. I am so consumed in this trip for the last days. This extra marital affair trip is not the only story. I have actually found out from his pay studd that he filled in as a single with this new job he started last June. He is going out with another woman each time he travels to that office site out of state. I got the picture of her, but can't find her name. I know that he was going out for fancy restaurant dinners with her, touring around, hiking, with her, etc. Even when I traveled with him last July to the place, he was like going out for dinner first with her, then back with me for dinner again. No wonder he did not have any more appetite. I stayed in hotel waiting for him to come back from work those days. He told me that he was going out for a drink with several other people and had some appetiters only. However I have found the receipts of restaurant with amount for two. 

As you can see that it will be a constant battle for me, fighting with his infidelity down the road if I keep him in the marriage. I am working on finding out who that woman is and sooner or later I will tell her all the lies and the time she is wasting with him if she is looking for a serious committed relationship.


----------



## Natalie789 (Aug 24, 2013)

Acabado said:


> Why ruin it?
> Take adventage of his absence and inability to change the focus and get a shark of a lawyer so you can nail him to the wall while he's outhere self destructing.
> Once he's back he will be homeless, moneyless, no reputation... at least try your best.


Or to change the locks...


----------



## Natalie789 (Aug 24, 2013)

Acabado said:


> Why ruin it?
> Take adventage of his absence and inability to change the focus and get a shark of a lawyer so you can nail him to the wall while he's outhere self destructing.
> Once he's back he will be homeless, moneyless, no reputation... at least try your best.


At least change the locks.


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

My neighbour lost her mother a couple of months ago. Her sister simply could not get out of the pain, and her grief caused her 15+ pounds weight loss. From her story, I suddenly understood why my own weight loss of 15 pounds recently without trying hard on diet or rigorous exercise. It is the grief over the loss of my marriage. At work, I have to put up a smily face, but bleeding at the bottom of my heart. Every day is a torture. 

When I read the sympathy, understanding and support from this forum, it brings out hysteric cries when I am alone. I feel that it brought the toxics from my body a little. Thank you all.

I hate him for treating me so cruelly, but can't really take any destructive actions against him. He is the father of my son. I love my son and his family. I simply can't make them to live with the shame. I am so torn. I am so sad and alone.


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

You are sad, but you are on a well worn path, trodden by legions of betrayed spouses. Take care of yourself, physically, and mentally. Make a counselling appointment. Grab some books like Not Just Friends, Getting Over the Affair, and Living and Loving after Betrayal (this one is most helpful when you are ready to start healing, stop being a victim, and be yourself again!)


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AprilTears said:


> OK, my friends. I am so consumed in this trip for the last days. This extra marital affair trip is not the only story. I have actually found out from his pay studd that he filled in as a single with this new job he started last June. He is going out with another woman each time he travels to that office site out of state. I got the picture of her, but can't find her name. I know that he was going out for fancy restaurant dinners with her, touring around, hiking, with her, etc. Even when I traveled with him last July to the place, he was like going out for dinner first with her, then back with me for dinner again. No wonder he did not have any more appetite. I stayed in hotel waiting for him to come back from work those days. He told me that he was going out for a drink with several other people and had some appetiters only. However I have found the receipts of restaurant with amount for two.
> 
> As you can see that it will be a constant battle for me, fighting with his infidelity down the road if I keep him in the marriage. I am working on finding out who that woman is and sooner or later I will tell her all the lies and the time she is wasting with him if she is looking for a serious committed relationship.


Does this woman know that he's married?

Is he in a position as her supervisor? manager?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How did you find out that he told his new work place that he's single?

Does he have medical insurance and life insurance through work? Does not have you and your son on insurance?


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> How did you find out that he told his new work place that he's single


She said she went by his Pay Stub.


> I have actually found out from his pay studd that he filled in as a single with this new job


 This isn't necessarily proof. You get more taxes taken out and you pay less at tax time when you claim your deductions later. My wife and I did this when we were first married because we had zero children together. Now, with his current actions, I'd say probably.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

We adjust our witholdings to yet to match what we owe. 

It isn't the same as signing up for a dating site. But in this case he is cheating with no shame so it could mean more. I don't know 

He is a very selfish man who will come to regret his foolishness but not before he he's tanked everything and everyone he has ever claimed to love 

I am very sad for you April. It makes so little sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> She said she went by his Pay Stub.
> 
> This isn't necessarily proof. You get more taxes taken out and you pay less at tax time when you claim your deductions later. My wife and I did this when we were first married because we had zero children together. Now, with his current actions, I'd say probably.


I am quite sure that he has his eagle eyes open and ready when traveling out of state for a prey to show up. He told the woman went to CA with him:" He has an extra wife." He filled his employment form as a single, that showed up in his pay stub. 

He is now traveling for his VT prey right after consuming he other prey.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your WH sounds like a prize. Do you want him?


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> We adjust our witholdings to yet to match what we owe.
> 
> It isn't the same as signing up for a dating site. But in this case he is cheating with no shame so it could mean more. I don't know
> 
> ...


Cheating with no shame, no remorse, no apologies and no guilt at all. If he even cared a slim chance about exposing his affair to his own son and his family, he could very well fly a red flight back to join his father's BD celebration. Instead, he chose to stay in CA. I feel him very dirty and disguisting as the woman sent me a photo of her in CA and she and her brother in the picture look like homeless, seriously. 

The fact that he feels no guilt at all showed me that I have zero place in his heart and I am his beloved son's mother! Indeed, a very selfish man.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." - William Congreve


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Does this woman know that he's married?
> 
> Is he in a position as her supervisor? manager?


From their outing photo together, I think this woman might be more legit and educated. I will find her and let her know what kind of man she is dealing with and how wasteful it is for her.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Instead of playing the short term games with his trip, what have you done with regards to the long term war? As in, a lawyer, securing your finances, etc?

C


----------



## AprilTears (Oct 2, 2013)

PBear, good question. I have collected financial records, scanned in last years tax form and financial institute names where we have money. Still working on more. 

I really like your word choices :"short term games" and "long term war". These are such good and vivic reminders for myself to keep working on what I need to take care of. Thank you!

My health and job should be higher priority, I know.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

AprilTears said:


> PBear, good question. I have collected financial records, scanned in last years tax form and financial institute names where we have money. Still working on more.
> 
> I really like your word choices :"short term games" and "long term war". These are such good and vivic reminders for myself to keep working on what I need to take care of. Thank you!
> 
> My health and job should be higher priority, I know.


What about finding a lawyer? 

C


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

The change in Tax Withholding status at work doesn't mean necessarily that he is holding himself out as a single man. After all, only the Feds and the payroll people at work will see that anyway.

I would instead wonder if he is changing his status so that more money gets withheld to make him look poorer and have a big refund hidden as a nest egg in case of divorce.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does he have medical insurance through his work? If so, are you and your child on that insurance?


----------



## MayDrop (May 8, 2017)

As far as I know that cheating husband was very tearful after back to home from affair.do you think 
and said sorry, promised it won't happen again. He iwill grant ball his emal, bank account to his wife. Wife accept his word and the marrage cnttinue .
what do you think?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Zombie thread.

Closed.


----------

