# Thought on Marrying Young VS. Marrying Later in Life



## being the best me (Apr 25, 2011)

What are your thought on marrying young vs marrying later on in life.

When i got married i was 24 and my wife was 22. I don't reget getting married young at all. I always felt like why would i want to go out see the world, experience life and all the other reasons that every one gives to remain single and live up there youth or sowe there wild oats when i can do it with someone that means the world to me. We can do those things together and reflect on them through our lives.

I also felt that starting a family young and keeping them close in age was important for two reasons. 1) Why would i want to do this at a later point in my life. I am 42 now with 4 kids, 2 girls & 2 boys between the ages of 7 to 15 and it doesn't get any easier the older you get. I could imaginne trying to do this in my 30's. I'd probably be a crippled wreck. 2) Keeping them close in age was important for a few reasons. Built in playmates, not having to start & stop with large age gaps, clothing, helping each other out, now its helped light the work load around the house due to them getting older and so on.

Then i see people around me who can't stay in relationships probably due to being set in there ways or to unwilling to be flexible in though thought processes to accept others opions. Were they are actually wondering why they can find some one for what ever reason. 

I actually think that waiting to get married later in life is probably more of a hinderence because of being to set in your ways and unwillingnesss to comprize and grow together.

What are other peoples thoughts?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

For some people,marrying young is a disaster and they should wait.For others,it works perfectly.

I was the disaster person.I should have waited.


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## being the best me (Apr 25, 2011)

I can see maturity being an issue (not that you were).


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My in laws met at 15, married and 18 and have had a wonderful life together. They celebrated their 60th anniversary a few years back. 

I know getting married young doesn't work for everyone. I for one married very young and it didn't last long. I married for the wrong reasons and used that as a life lesson. I defiantly married the right man the second time.

I do believe there's a chance at a happy marriage at a young age when you do marry for the right reasons. When 2 people are compatible, can compromise and communicate they have a good chance surviving an early marriage.


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## Leasel (Mar 30, 2013)

It definitely depends on each couple. My parents got married right out of college and it was a disaster, but my in-laws met in high school and married shortly after, and although they've definitely had some rough patches and were even separated for a while, they're still together over 20 years later, with 4 kids and they seem to be doing well.

I've married young because I happened to truly believe I've been lucky enough to find the right person for me, and we both thought the decision through fully before going through with it.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I believe it is a generation thing. 

Back in the 60's and 70's, getting married young was fine. Because traditional gender roles weren't as challenged as they are today, and a guy could support a family on a factory job. And the wife raised the children.
Now, whether or not traditional gender roles are good is up for debate, but college wasn't as essential. Housing prices and car prices hadn't exploded like they have today, and the income allowed for a moderate lower middle class life depending on how many children they had. 
And infidelity was probably less rampant. Divorce was looked down upon. We didn't have facebook to look up our old ex's from high school, or receive a text from a friend that our spouse doesn't need to know about. 


But today, different story. 

For example, I don't know if I'll get married. From this site, marriage doesn't promise anything, except hard work. And when half of them fail, and I've seen a fair number of horror stories on both sides of the line, with infidelity and lies and other problems that plague marriage, I don't think it is for me. 

But disregarding that. 

I think getting married young today is a very bad idea. I would say wait till at least 25 to get married, but you should wait later in life. Guys will be more grown up by the age of 25, and be more established in their careers, and hopefully out of college or further up the corporate ladder if they couldn't go to college. 
And these guys should know that marrying the really hot easy girl they met in the bar is a horrible idea.
And hopefully they'll know if they want kids or not. But if they don't, then I would suggest putting off marriage longer. 

And this allows women time to figure out what they want. Do they want to be career minded women? Or do they want a family? Because I don't care what feminism says, you can't be both a career woman and a loving mother. You will fail at one and excel at the other, or maybe mediocre at both. 
And hopefully by now, they realize marrying the bad boy or their player ex is a horrible idea.
And again, they should be old enough to realize the fairy tale doesn't end at "I do," and know it takes hard work. 

But that is just me.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

We got married at a very young age. 17 and 16 respectively. It was a very tough road that I would not recommend as most would not make it. Luckly we did. We are now 53 and 52. 

My wife had a lot to learn but she was lucky to have the best teacher. I gave her all A's. She was a great student and still uses the plaid mini skirt and halter top school girl outfit. She needs a lot of discipline. Bend over dear! LOL!


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Its more about maturity than time frame which is irrelevent


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I married very young. Do I wish I had waited? Absolutely.

Young marriages tend not to stay the course. And even if they do, they tend not to be happy long-term. 

There are always exceptions to the rule but they are just that --- exceptions.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Openminded said:


> Young marriages tend not to stay the course. And even if they do, they tend not to be happy long-term.


Thats all marriages. You have to figure out along the way no matter when it starts


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

We got married fairly young I was 21 H was 25. We have been married 7 years. Neither one of us has a degree but H being hardworking (worked 2 jobs for a while) , tight on a dollar and setting financial goals we don't have any money issues (own our home and no debt except zero interest car note). We get along great and have no major issues that we haven't managed to work out. That being said I think during this day and time it's probably too risky. Too many things could go wrong and the couple may not have the skills to work it out. We have just been blessed not to have major issues 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joei (Apr 3, 2013)

I got this said:


> Thats all marriages. You have to figure out along the way no matter when it starts


I was going to say the same thing. My wife and I were 19 and 20 when we got married. It was tough at first, but we did grow up together not going separate ways. We had our kids. Went back and finished school together. We work in the same field. Law. Just she works for the Attorneys and I work for a Judge. We have even contemplated going to law school together in the near future. But we have hit a major bump in the road and this roller coaster in my opinion is at an all-time low. I'm working my ass off for her.


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

We met young, both 18, left home at college, but got married at 30. Looking back, I was too inexperienced to see the bigger picture and think about my future options. She was engaged (!) and left him (eventually) for me. A messy start but we got through it.

Now in early forties with children. We had a rocky patch last year but seem ok now.

My deep down feelings? I've missed out on the fun of trying to get to know and understand women. They're wonderful things and I'm very happy to be married to mine for the rest of my life but I think I can be forgiven for wishing I'd met her a little later after having some fun with other women. I think we'd both be better lovers towards each other too tbh. I'm her second, she's my first.

Strict parenting as a child didn't help - always had to please and keep people happy and no advice ever passed on about life, love, relationships and sex. Sex was a bad thing (catholic) I presume both parents were each others first or second relationship too. It's been a bit like being the first of my family .. work it out as you go. Mum was adopted so no family support from that side. Dad, a loner and socially uncomfortable.

Jeeez! Now I've depressed myself. I've never really given it much thought before but something about the post made me stop and write. 

I've made sure my children don't go the same way though. I make sure they have no fear, have lots of friends and are much better informed on life. Things my parents, bless them, never gave me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am a royal sucker for *Young LOVE*.... Me & husband met in our teens at the school Lunch table (I was just 15)....we took our sweet old time before saying our







...I was 22, he 25... 

I can so identify with what you say here... *WE FELT THE SAME* >> 


> *Being the best Me said*: I don't regret getting married young at all. I always felt like why would i want to go out see the world, experience life and all the other reasons that every one gives to remain single and live up there youth or sow there wild oats when i can do it with someone that means the world to me. We can do those things together and reflect on them through our lives.
> 
> I also felt that starting a family young and keeping them close in age was important


We too (even my husband -how rare is that!)...never had a desire to sow wild oats, I wanted a steady BF...







* Romance*







... just the 2 of us against the world, experiencing everything together hand in hand... I also wanted to be a younger mother so we could enjoy our kids.. take them places, play with them, run with them... These were my dreams....making those memories...I just knew in my soul what I wanted early in life.....He was totally on board...loved him for that. 

Got pregnant 3 months after we married....we were on the clouds...our son was so darn easy - we just wanted to do it again! 

Looking back...we were very mature....we were careful Savers / Planners....Responsible / both working hard... our eyes were on the future... we had dreams of getting a house in the country, a family of our own....It was never about immediate pleasure for us....it was all in "building" for our life together....to make the ride as smooth as possible. 

One could even say we were probably BORING in comparison to many young people... I never drank.... he got drunk once visiting my Mom & Step dad, threw up in his car.. I was fuming....that was the end of that ! We planned every detail of our large wedding , had it paid in full when we walked down the aisle..









Here we are 23 yrs later... 6 kids... living in that country house...we can look back & see how it all came to fruition.....it's very special. 

Our 2nd son found a lovely girl at 14, they are still together 18 months later, both will be 16 in 2 weeks... I am tickled by this... ..when we look at them, we can see ourselves ..... we don't know if it will last... but yet...How can we keep them apart - given our story... 

My husband has said -he hopes we are not setting our kids up for "unrealistic" expectations...

Now my Parents on the other hand...Mother purely Naive, wasn't in love with my dad, married at 18 - a train wreck [email protected]#$% He was mature, she was NOT.... seen life through different lenses. 

Husband's parents...met young/ got Pregnant / got married.. not terribly compatible - had their issues but stuck it out till the end. Every couple is different. 

Funny, I took our daughter to see the DOC today & this very subject came up...telling our little girl to hold off till she is 30.... ha ha ....telling me he married at 32 ... was so busy in college, didn't have the time...started dating at 25/ took him some weeding through the women...ha ha

But he knows us very well ...respects our family...so he said yeah... sometimes it works.. and works well... just depends on the couple!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

We got married in 2000, one month before my husband graduated high school, two months before he turned 19. Our first child was born the following March. I was 24 (turned 25 later that year). Would we do it again? Absolutely. There are only a few things in life we would change, but marrying as young as we did is not one of them.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I married at 25. I had my fun before that, but if I had to do it over again, I would have waited till 29 or so to marry. I could have had more fun with different girls before getting locked down.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Adex said:


> I married at 25. I had my fun before that, but if I had to do it over again, I would have waited till 29 or so to marry. I could have had more fun with different girls before getting *locked down*.


Locked down? Really? You see marriage as a prison? How sad.... 

My husband has only been with me, and I'm glad for that. I only wish I had never been with anyone before we got together.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

I was 15 & he was 18 when we met in high school. We were 19/22 when we married. I went from living with my parents to living with him...from being a child to a wife in one fell swoop. Now, I was very mature for my age, and pretty well set to face the world. I was not a spoiled child...I cleaned, cooked, I started working part time when I was 15, I had my own bank account and paid for my car. 

BUT...I never had the experience of living on my own, to make my own decisions, to do what I wanted to do, to decorate my own apartment the way I wanted, to pursue my own interests, to be open to meeting other men, to become my own person before I committed to another person for life. That is what I regret. I was as level headed and mature as any 19 year old can be...but there is a life-experience factor that cannot be gained in any other way but through time spent as an individual. 

Here I am at age 38...19 years married...finally allowing myself to admit that I shouldn't have married so young. I was young and trusting and näive and impressionable. I have grown leaps and bounds emotionally and in self awareness of my motivations. My H has not. If I had waited to marry until I had established myself as my OWN individual person, I honestly don't think I would have married my H.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

we met in middle school...20+ years later and 4 kids...would we do it again....yes, but maybe wait to have kids in our 30's.[i was done with kids at 24]

not all young couples stay together, not all young couples split. everyone is different. everyone has had different upbringings. we all deal with life differently.

i guess it depends on how the marriage bumps along, and a natural human curiousity to wonder the "what if's". do i think dating around and life experiences help us in choosing what we want/dont want in a relationship???

maybe. dont know that life to be 100% certain....depends on the person.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

My first marriage was at age 21, and I think that was too young. My second marriage (current) was at 29, and I think that was too old! I encourage my children to get married around 25...

My husband was 34 when we married, his first (& only!), and he does, in retrospection, regret waiting so long because parenting young children takes so much energy.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

My husband and I were both 25 when we married. We were ready. We pretty knew everything we needed to know about each other. We've known each other since 7th grade. We went to the same junior high and high school, graduated the same year but we didn't start dating until the summer after graduation.
We dated for 7 years, had established our careers and bought a house together. We waited 5 years to have our first child. (Is it obvious that we don't rush into anything? haha).


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Im 22 and I got married at 19. Next month will be our 3 year anniversary. 

Some people tried to tell me that getting married at 19 would be a mistake, and that at 19 you don't know what you really want. All I can say is that when you feel a connection with someone and it just feels right, you have to go for it. Thats what I did. Thats not to say my husband and I never argue... but lets just say, we have a lot more enjoyable times together than times of arguing. If you don't take a chance on someone, youre just going to go your whole life wondering how things would have turned out... so I think its worth the risk. 

For some people getting married at 19 would turn out to be a huge mistake... but for others, it works fine. My aunt got married as a teenager and shes still with her husband, and shes in her sixties. I know plenty of people that got married young and are still together, and the OP is a great example of that.

The fact is, people can say whatever they want... but noone knows when its the time to get married but YOU... and if you feel that youre with the right person, you're going to marry them regardless of anyone elses opinions.

I just hate it when people generalize and say "Anyone who is 22 is too young to be married. All 22 year old's are too immature". No, all 22 year olds are NOT too immature. Everyone is different. What works for some people is not going to work for others.

A great example is this. I know a girl who is 18, a senior in high school and is 4 months pregnant and just got married a few days ago. She was planning on getting married to this guy, even before she found out she was pregnant... He had already bought her a ring and everything. He is in his early 20s, and is in the military, and already has one kid by someone else. They had only been dating maybe 6 months or so before he proposed. 

Now would I personally want to be pregnant and get married before I was even finished with high school? No... preferably not. I got married young but at least I was done with high school and had a year of college behind me. And judging by the fact that this girl hadn't dated the guy for very long, and that the wedding seemed kind of rushed, especially after she found out she was pregnant, I feel like theres a good chance this won't last. However, theres always a chance that it COULD last... so I'm not going to say that it for sure wont. All I'm saying is that the chances look slim, based on the circumstances.

If her circumstances were different, maybe I'd say her marriage has a better chance... but I think it would be unfair and untrue of me to say that her marriage isn't going to last just based on the fact that she is only 18 years old.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

earlyforties said:


> We met young, both 18, left home at college, *but got married at 30.* Looking back, I was too inexperienced to see the bigger picture and think about my future options. She was engaged (!) and left him (eventually) for me. A messy start but we got through it.
> 
> Now in early forties with children. We had a rocky patch last year but seem ok now.
> 
> *My deep down feelings? I've missed out on the fun of trying to get to know and understand women.* They're wonderful things and I'm very happy to be married to mine for the rest of my life* but I think I can be forgiven for wishing I'd met her a little later after having some fun with other women. I think we'd both be better lovers towards each other too tbh. I'm her second, she's my first.*





> *Adex said*: *I could have had more fun with different girls before getting locked down*.


Would you still feel this way if your sex life was humming satisfactory (which generally *IS* when people marry...unless they waited )...if there wasn't ongoing marital issues? I'd think anyone, regardless of past Wild oats or not, if not feeling fulfilled sexually/ emotionally... their mind & heart would feel chained, and these feelings would creep in.. It makes sense.

Even if you had all the women you wanted in your youth...you'd just KNOW what you are missing more so -it might even be more haunting ... I guess I don't think if you had those experiences, it would somehow make up for what is lacking in the here & now....does this makes sense? 

Let's say you both have your Fill of various women, positions, you learned all the tricks of the trade...a couple literally BLEW YOU away......














sheets on







memories of how this one touched ~ electrifying...another's seductress ways, enthusiasm for sex... all the places you did it locked in your memories....maybe one of them you really wanted ....but it didn't work out...she leaves you...you TRY to move on.... you find another......Kinda like this song (but from the women's view)...by Katy Perry 

When I'm with him, I am Thinking of You -thinking of you, what you would do



> Comparisons are easily done
> Once you've had a taste of perfection
> Like an apple hanging from a tree
> I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed
> ...


 Is it just me ..or would feeling like that song ...be haunting ?

Me & mine has only been with each other... I do have regrets that WE didn't explore MORE and earlier ....but never that I've missed out with anyone else ... I've always felt "fulfilled" though ....had I not, I'd want out...... regardless if I had previous partners or not. If I did, I'd just know more of what I was missing & compare my husband... this can't be healthy...not in this day of Facebook / so many hooking up with ex's when their marriages go sour. 



> Originally Posted by *earlyforties *: Strict parenting as a child didn't help - always had to please and keep people happy and *no advice ever passed on about life, love, relationships and sex. Sex was a bad thing (catholic) *I presume both parents were each others first or second relationship too. It's been a bit like being the first of my family .. work it out as you go. Mum was adopted so no family support from that side. Dad, a loner and socially uncomfortable.


 I agree...overly strict Parenting without talking to our kids OPENLY, many discussions through their teens....about Life, problem solving, LOVE/ Relationships & Sex is doing them a mountainous disservice -for their future... we take them down a road to discuss all the pros & cons of any issue... lay it wide open & encourage them to weigh all sides.....

Sex was hush hush in our upbringings too... Husband never saw even a kiss between his Mom & Dad... taken out of the room if a romantic scene was on Tv even... ridiculous -but if Freddie Krugar was on slashing people, hey, that was OK.... 

We will never allow Sex to be looked upon as Dirty... sure there is a time and place for such beauty....but a dirty word... NOT. It is how people use it -that can bring much hurt & pain (and denying their spouses), unplanned unwanted pregnancies, STD's, hearts broken ...but the act itself was never meant to be this way...so I believe. 



> *I've made sure my children don't go the same way though. I make sure they have no fear,* have lots of friends and are much better informed on life. Things my parents, bless them, never gave me.


 What you say here makes me think of this song by Creed  With Arms Wide Open - YouTube The lead singer was raised by strict Christian parents who pounded *the Fear* in him... he ended up rebelling in his late teens... When he had his own son...he vowed to show him, teach him a better way... Love the words to that song... very liberating.. 



> If I had just one wish
> Only one demand
> I hope he's not like me
> I hope he understands
> ...


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Personally, I don't see many benefits of marrying at all, but having married at 30 I can tell you it was still quite overwhelming.

Marrying "older" has both pros and cons... On one hand, older persons seem to be more stable, established and have clearer ideas about what they want... The other hand may yield someone who is "set in their ways" and that could make relationship compromises and negotiations difficult...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Unless one as a burning desire for a whole brood of kids, and needs to start on them right away....

I'd say waiting for marriage later ... (not so much "later in life", but older than 25). A later marriage means that the person has a chance of growing "into" themselves and learning to be mature. There is so much that a person learns about themselves between 20-25. 

But then again, I've meet 30 & 35 & 40 year olds who have yet to reach the "mature" adult phase, and are still selfish juveniles that depend on others for their well-being.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> My husband has only been with me, and I'm glad for that. I only wish I had never been with anyone before we got together.


I think it's incredibly sad for a man to have had sex with just one woman all his life. He missed out. I'm sure he thinks he should have been with another girl before he met you. Of course, he probably won't tell you that to your face for fear of hurting you, and if he says it doesn't matter, he's lying.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Adex said:


> I think it's incredibly sad for a man to have had sex with just one woman all his life. He missed out. I'm sure he thinks he should have been with another girl before he met you. Of course, he probably won't tell you that to your face for fear of hurting you, and if he says it doesn't matter, he's lying.


I don't think that's true.. just because you feel that way doesn't mean every man does. My husband is the first person I've ever been with... and he's only been with one other person before me. He has said before that if he could go back in time, if he had known he would meet me, he would have just waited for me... and I believe him. When you meet the right person, you shouldn't WANT to be with anyone else. Not everyone is into sleeping around with half the town before they get "locked down" into marriage. I know im certainly not like that, neither is my husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> I don't think that's true.. just because you feel that way doesn't mean every man does. My husband is the first person I've ever been with... and he's only been with one other person before me. He has said before that if he could go back in time, if he had known he would meet me, he would have just waited for me... and I believe him. When you meet the right person, you shouldn't WANT to be with anyone else. Not everyone is into sleeping around with half the town before they get "locked down" into marriage. I know im certainly not like that, neither is my husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a guy thing. It's not about sleeping around with half the town. A guy missed out if he's only been with one woman. He can tell you that you are the only one for him because it's the type of romantic thing that women eat up. I'm sure in his mind though, he wishes he could have had more partners.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Adex said:


> It's a guy thing. It's not about sleeping around with half the town. A guy missed out if he's only been with one woman. He can tell you that you are the only one for him because it's the type of romantic thing that women eat up. I'm sure in his mind though, he wishes he could have had more partners.


I can assure you he doesnt just tell me that because i eat it up. He tells me that because its true. Again just because you feel this way that doesnt mean all guys do. Id also like to say that the same thing can be said for women. Im sure you think that all women have no problem with only being with one person their whole life because thats how women are.. they just want to find "the one". Thats not always the case either. I know plenty of women who hop from one guy's bed to the next and have no problem with it at all. I think youre just being stereotypical. My husband's dad is the same way as him... hes in his 50s and according to my husband, he said he could count on one hand the number of women hes slept with. Granted, a lot of guys are pigs and only care about chasing after a girl to get her in bed and then move onto the next, but there are some who are not like that. You can't just generalize like that and speak for ALL guys or ALL women. Everyone is different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Adex said:


> It's a guy thing. It's not about sleeping around with half the town. A guy missed out if he's only been with one woman. He can tell you that you are the only one for him because it's the type of romantic thing that women eat up. I'm sure in his mind though, he wishes he could have had more partners.


Adex there are also some men who been there and done that and feel like it wasn't worth the price of admission. 

Maybe you just THINKING you know what's truly a guy thing. Maybe you're just saying how you WOULD HAVE like to be but weren't for whatever reason? Well you might be surprised that some men think after the fact that all that ho'ing around was overrated.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> Maybe you just THINKING you know what's truly a guy thing. Maybe you're just saying how you WOULD HAVE like to be but weren't for whatever reason? Well you might be surprised that some men think after the fact that all that ho'ing around was overrated.


I've had sex with at least 8 different girls, but did other stuff with a lot more. It's NOT overrated. Sex is different with every girl because every girl is different.

I actually think 8 is a bit low compared to other guys.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Whatever floats your boat I guess... but I can say with absolute certainty that I'd rather be with a guy who has slept with ZERO people (although I can deal with someone who has been with just one or two) than a guy whos been with 5 or 10. I personally believe that sex isn't something people should take lightly and it isnt' something that you should do with someone just because you feel like it.

There are too many STD's out there and sometimes people get something that they can't cure... even condoms are not 100% effective. The more and more people that you sleep with, the more you increase your chances of catching something... not to mention the risk of pregnancy. Do you really want to knock some girl up that you really dont care anything about and just used her for a good roll around in the sack? Then you will have to deal with that person for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not... because once you have a child with someone, you are connected to them through that child until the day you die. 

And also, I find that it just screws with people's emotions when they jump from one person's bed to the next. Often times people THINK they can have emotionless, no strings attached sex... but then after its all over with, they realize they actually have feelings for the person... and sometimes the other person doesn't always have feelings for them back. 

I just think that sex needs to be taken more seriously. There are too many risks involved in it. It should be a very special thing shared between two people who truly care about each other. My husband and I look at it this way. Whenever you DO meet that special person that you want to marry, how are you going to feel when you have to tell them that youve already slept with 10 or more people? For my husband and I, it would definitely take away from OUR experience together and make it seem less special.

Thats just what I think.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Adex said:


> I think it's incredibly sad for a man to have had sex with just one woman all his life. He missed out. I'm sure he thinks he should have been with another girl before he met you. Of course, he probably won't tell you that to your face for fear of hurting you, and if he says it doesn't matter, he's lying.


Oh Lordy Be... Gonna have to have my husband post on this one.... .. Oh Adex...the poster who is forever seeking to be the ALPHA DOG on TAM.... you'd be hard pressed to find a man as happy as mine.....with just ONE woman under his belt... what a sorry poor deprived soul he must be.... 

I am always amused how people are so very different. Life is so [email protected]#$% 

Sure all men LOVE & crave







... .He jacked it up to 4 times a day in his youth.. . but even some men (rare as they may be)....are the "*1 woman*" type.... Sticking it in a bunch of offering broads held no allure to the type of man HE is at his core, he felt that was "wrong"...."it's Using"...he wanted more than just pleasure ...or he'd choose his hand....(not that he was in that situation mind you )...but we've graced this subject...even if he had it offered....He is just not the Philandering type.

There is no fear of hurting my feelings...he can say any damn thing to me...we are probably more OPEN than most could even imagine or stomach..... I've told him outright my mind has wondered what it might be like to be with another man... I think that's normal.. not going to beat myself up over it (nor is he offended as he agrees!)...and for him to admit the same .... NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL... and he still swears he's never "went over the fence"- even in his head. Why would I think he is lying...he just makes ME look bad saying that ! 

He deeply treasures the fact we have only been with each other...has told me he respected me more for NOT screwing around/ Partying / eating my cake too.. whatever some may want to call it....how it just wouldn't be "the same" if we had previous partners... those are his genuine feelings... He has no regrets. I feel his heart every day. 



> *kittykatz said:* but I can say with absolute certainty that I'd rather be with a guy who has slept with ZERO people


 me too KittyKatz...

Me & mine both view SEX like this...it is the giving of oneself.... in total abandon... it is the culmination in the physical of the Love & pure affection one feels in the emotional....unrestrained passion -that was worth waiting for... 2 bodies becoming one...this was something "sacred" to me. All that sweet awkwardness with your chosen Love....and him wanting to do it all over again the next day, and laying in his arms after each encounter when I could share every secret place of my







& soul ...

So yeah...some of US wanted to find this earlier in life... Shoot us







for being Romantic "fairy tale" chasers. 

I left this post on another thread ....


> I so dreamed of being with my "one & only"... stumbling together in our awkwardness, exploring each others bodies with amazement for the 1st time. There is something very  about that to me. ... one couldn't beat the romance of that out of me- it is a part of who I AM.
> 
> No matter my age, it will never be about the "pleasure ride" alone.... as much as the vulnerable giving & receiving of emotions that are flowing between 2
> 
> ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

kittykatz said:


> There are too many STD's out there and sometimes people get something that they can't cure... even condoms are not 100% effective. The more and more people that you sleep with, the more you increase your chances of catching something... not to mention the risk of pregnancy. Do you really want to knock some girl up that you really dont care anything about and just used her for a good roll around in the sack? Then you will have to deal with that person for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not... because once you have a child with someone, you are connected to them through that child until the day you die.


 A lot of suffering unwanted children growing up in Fatherless homes only to repeat this lifestyle.......and we think a condom/ popping a pill IS the answer ...foster care overloaded..... Broken hearts splattered everywhere -causing distrust and baggage galore -only to trail into the next love affair....

My husband has always been turned off by women who've slept around.... call it "empowering" ..or whatever they call it these days.... He is still a MAN, and a visual one at that... he will LOOK upon the physically







... a little fantasy may hit him, but in seconds he says to himself....*"I love my wife, STD's... I love my wife, STD's*"... .He told me this when I asked what he thinks / his brain process ....when he sees a "lettin' it all hang out" beauty on the beach ..for instance.... I was about rolling on the floor with that answer :rofl: Just cause we are married doesn't mean we are dead to others's physical attributes. Not a sin. 

I am similar when I see a HOT guy..I think to myself.... "bet his gear shift was in drive - in plenty of back seats" .... total turn off. These behaviors have always "cheapened"







to me. 

Just something uplifting & so much more attractive TO ME...about a man with Sexual integrity, who doesn't prowl to F*** 'em & leave 'em ....being led by his little head....but to honor the women he gives himself to... who...IF she conceived, he would be on top of this world, happy to be that Father, because the LOVE & faithfulness of his







was ALREADY there with her... Anything Less , to us, would be wrong/ against Love / integrity and character. 

That's how we roll. 

We were







*'s* / commitment / marriage on the horizon ...before Lovers. 



> And also, I find that it just screws with people's emotions when they jump from one person's bed to the next. Often times people THINK they can have emotionless, no strings attached sex... but then after its all over with, they realize they actually have feelings for the person... and sometimes the other person doesn't always have feelings for them back.


 This is an unfortunate  truth ...I will always feel more women get hurt by this also. Some feel too much casual sex = a loss of empathy .... Is Casual Sex Destroying Empathy?

This appears to be an Excellent RULE BOOK to live by - if one wants to engage in this lifestyle...

The 10 Commandments of Casual Sex : CollegeCandy 




> If you want to engage in that sort of lifestyle...
> 
> I just think that sex needs to be taken more seriously. There are too many risks involved in it. It should be a very special thing shared between two people who truly care about each other. My husband and I look at it this way. Whenever you DO meet that special person that you want to marry, how are you going to feel when you have to tell them that youve already slept with 10 or more people? For my husband and I, it would definitely take away from OUR experience together and make it seem less special.


From one who has lived it and learned .... Casual Sex: Confessions Of An Ex-Sex Kitten

May I add... this thread is a Prime example of the varying views on Sexuality and it's meaning to the individual ... to assume we all look at this the same is utter HOGWASH... you can read the posts and instinctively KNOW what ones views ARE....the thing is this.. be sure to marry another who feels the same- this will avoid much hurt in your life ....A Professor of Sexology explained the 6 sexual lenses here







...


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I got married at 19, wife was 21...She was HOT...When we hooked up it was like a fuel rod being inserted into in a nuclear reactor...We went critical mass.....

We knew each other 6 months when we married.....

My parents were dead set against it, but we just wanted to be together....I only had a HS diploma, and money was tight, but I lost my union job, and we had to move to a right to work state ...

It was there that I discovered I had a genius for things mechanical...I was hired as a QA supervisor, but my suggestions soon had them re think my position, and I was given a full fledged engineering position....

The money got better, and the years flew...I became a mechanical designer, and worked for companies like Borg Warner, Poulan, Columbia Research, and Denso corp...

We are now comfortably retired in NE Arkansas...We have been married 47 years and she is still HOT...

good luck
the woodchuck


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Adex said:


> I've had sex with at least 8 different girls, but did other stuff with a lot more. It's NOT overrated. Sex is different with every girl because every girl is different.
> 
> I actually think 8 is a bit low compared to other guys.


I know scores don't count for much, but by casual count I have had sex with the same woman (my wife) in the neighborhood of 7,500 times and untill she developed some health problems a year ago, she orgasmed every time...And to top it off, almost every time was plain old vanilla missionary...AND EVERY TIME WAS HOT!!!...We were in too much of a hurry to get connected to worry about exotic positions...Just pure lust...

We married when I was 19, and literally had hot steamy lustful sex at least once every day for almost 15 years......All I had to do was look in her eyes, put my hand on her body (anywhere) and she was ready..Now married 47, and she is still hot...She is the sexiest most sensual hottest woman I have ever had sex with, and still cannot imagine getting tired of having sex with her...Due to her not being in the best of health we are now down to 1-3 times a week....


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## kokonatsu (Feb 22, 2013)

Pandakiss said:


> do i think dating around and life experiences help us in choosing what we want/dont want in a relationship???


I met my boyfriend in August 2012, he is my first love, and we quickly started talking about getting married. My sister is (well, she is getting to know him more, so she is opening up to us more, it's good) worried about us, because he is my first, and says I am naive. 

But even though I haven't had any romantic relationship before him doesn't mean I don't know what I want from our relationship. 

IMO, dating around doesn't help us choose, but life experiences do. I have had many different experiences, friendships with different kinds of guys, and even though I never dated anyone, doesn't mean I'm less qualified to know what I want.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *kokonatsu said*: he is my first love


Speaking of 1st loves.... Our 2nd son will be 16 in 2 weeks, his girlfriend will turn 16 a week later ....She was at our house today....

They were all happy/ smiling  letting us know today marked a Year & a half for them..... both honor students....in Band, Track, run Cross Country & go to Youth Group together....both have their own set of friends they hang with...... Good kids... Respectable... don't drink, smoke, swear, also believe in waiting for Sex ....

On their 1 year Anniversary she handed him pages written out >> "365 reasons I love you dear _____"... It was the sweetest thing .... As I read each line (he was happy to share with us)...... I was laughing out loud/ and awed ... it was all his father [email protected]#$ 

Our son ...another Hopeless Romantic... and this girl... she's got it bad ~ for him. 

I don't know if this will last...but the way these 2 are...reminds us so much of ourselves at that age....minus all the activities...neither of us was that smart either ....also I'd have to say his GF is more well rounded than I was... 

I have joked a time or two....IF they ever do breakup... they better NEVER meet up on Facebook later in life... the connection they have is very strong...this "*1st love*" thing.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

As others have said it is more about maturity than age, I know that I my late teens early twenties I was not ready to make the commitment that a successful marriage needs. 

I was more interested in my naval career and for me I did not think it would have been fair on a wife to expect her to cope with the frequent and prolonged absences that military families have to put up with and I now know that I would have found time away from my children very hard. Some people can combine the two but it is a whole extra set of pressures.

I settled down and got married at 29 but then again my wife was only 21. 18+ years later we are still together and for the most part happy.


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## being the best me (Apr 25, 2011)

I guess from what i have read muturity has alot to do with it.

When i first met my wife, i told my parents that i met the girl i was going to marry. I was 18 and she was 15. She was the second person i ever had a intimate relationship with. If had had to do it over angain and my crystle ball was working right i wish i would have saved myself for her.

I don't think having many sexual parteners and living a care free youth do anything for your personal growth. From what i have gathered (male point of view) women are a little bit better than a glorifide seamen depository one step up from masterbation (not meant to be demeaning to women). What do you learn from having multiple partners or ONS? Is one person really better than the other? Heck if you had to rate my performance when i was younger i was probably finished on the 3rd pump, but what i have learned over time is that the first time i can last maybe 2 minutes now but that is the appitizer. Then after that i can control how long or longer i can go after that. 

You see we have learned to grow together. I don't believe people now a days give it enough time to grow and prosper. We are a now society, selfish you can call it. What are you really getting from going out and partying? Other than getting your hopes up at the local bar/club spending your hard earned money on a water down alcohalic beverage that you spent way to much money on for that right person to walk into your life but there only there in hopes of scratching on itch. Than wash rinse, repeat.

Thats all the time i have for now, i'll be back later


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

My opinion:
- Dont marry before you are 25
- Dont marry until you have been with the relationship for at least 3years.
- Dont marry until you have lived together for at least 6 months.


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## being the best me (Apr 25, 2011)

What does age really have to do with it?

I agree you should date for a while

I don't think living together is a good idea.


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