# How do you handle babysitters with your ex?



## LonelyNLost

Just curious what everyone else does. Our divorce paperwork has a right of first refusal clause that states that if it is your visitation time with the child and you are unable to be with the kids for more than 4 hours, then you have to offer them to the other parent for that time period you are away from them. I've been really good at this, however, ex thinks he is doing me a favor by watching them. *eyeroll* He, however, just leaves them with his girlfriend when he goes to work, even after I tell him I'm at home (which is right by his work). 

I offered the kids to him for a concert I had to attend this past week, notifying him by email months ago that I would not be with the kids on this date and if he were unable to watch them I would be getting a sitter. Never received a response. Went through a babysitting agency and interviewed sitters, and let him know I was interviewing sitters, to which he made no comment or inquiries. Chose my sitter, had the kids call their dad before I left so they could say goodnight to him (son informed him that they were going to be with a sitter, ex ended up being out of town). Next day I get an email saying he felt uneasy that they were with someone he didn't know and he wants to know her name, address, age, phone number, he wants to be an emergency contact, and all this other stuff because I hadn't consulted him. WTF? He had plenty of chances to voice any concern and I feel like I provided opportunities for him to take an interest. On top of all that, when they are with me, I believe I'm allowed to leave them with whomever I entrust with their care, especially if I'm the one paying for it and he's been given the chance to care for them.

How do you all handle this? Should I just tell him her name and that I hired her, therefore I'm the emergency contact and he'll be notified if there's any issues he needs to be aware of?


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## Shooboomafoo

YEah, sounds like he's sorta confused? 
Like you said in the last sentence, let him know her name and info.


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## Lovebug501

He has right of first refusal, beyond that - nothing... generally.

I wouldn't provide him with any information about your sitter.

I give mine the option to watch them and if he doesn't, then he gets no more info. He doesn't need to know who is watching the kids, why I need a sitter or how long I'm gone or if I got one or decided not to go. 

But mine uses that kind of information to control me. So, I give minimal information. At the same time, I typically use the same sitters that we used when we were married.


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## Shooboomafoo

Well, in the rare case you are in a carwreck or something...


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## Lovebug501

Shooboomafoo said:


> Well, in the rare case you are in a carwreck or something...


If for some reason I didn't come to get them at the expected time and she couldn't reach me, my sitter knows how to get in touch with him. But all my sitters know him and his numbers. So my sitch is a bit different. 

So she could give her sitter his information to use only in that situation... still no need for him to have all of her sitter's information. If she's an unfit parent, prone to leaving her kids with any person who she can dump them off on, I could understand him wanting that information. However, just because you no longer want to be married to someone doesn't automatically make them incapable of making good judgment calls on sitters. Mine is a good dad, just a lousy husband to me. He may be someone else's dream guy. Of course, could just be that I'm a lousy wife.


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## Shooboomafoo

Come be a lousy wife with me, I will be a lousy husband, and together we can be lousy happy.


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## Lovebug501

Shooboomafoo said:


> Come be a lousy wife with me, I will be a lousy husband, and together we can be lousy happy.


:lol: Technically, I'm not divorced yet. Just been separated for a little over a month. Of course, my ex thinks I'm already dating or trolling for men at the very least. Not that I don't think the same about him.


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## LonelyNLost

Thank you both for your input. I haven't responded to the email yet, and he didn't mention it in person. I think leaving his phone number is enough (keep in mind my son is 10 and therefore old enough to contact his dad if he needed to and let his father know of anything weird going on). I'll give him her name and let him know that I can handle who I choose to leave the kids with. Just baffles my mind, really. He walks out with his mistress, realizes he's lost control of what I do, tries to hold his "babysitting" them over my head, and when I no longer depend on him to watch them for my social activities he wants a say in who they are with? Um, nope, doesn't work that way! 

Then today they come home from the weekend and neither of them have been bathed, and he took my 30 lb four year old to the store without a carseat. Grrrrr.


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