# Inappropriate photos



## Mrs49 (Feb 13, 2016)

I have recently found inappropriate photos that my husband has taken of himself on his phone. He seems to have forgotten that they are synced to the computer. one of the photos was taken last year when we were on holiday which I find really upsetting the latest one was last week when I was away for the evening for the first time in our 30 year relationship. A few years ago I caught him sending inappropriate texts and a couple of years later he stayed out till 6in the morning with a family friend and lots of texts and calls went behind my back for a year. I confronted him and all calmed down and he had no further contact with her.

I am gutted to discover the photos but if I confront him I will be accused of snooping. I have been trying to act as if nothing has happened as we do have happy times, I love him to bits and if anything happened I don't know how I would afford to live on my own.

I really want to fight for my marriage but I just haven't got the strength to admit to him that I have seen the pictures. I know I am just a coward :-( I just hate arguments I want to be happy again


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

There is no snooping in a marriage.

If you want to be happy tape them to his mirror.

This is total BS.

How would he like it if you did this???? Huh???


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## Mrs49 (Feb 13, 2016)

Just so scared of upsetting everyone and worried where I week end up living as if he leaves I will have to sell the house and my job doesn't pay well. Where will I end up? I will lose the house and my husband that I still love. I am so silly I know but just not strong enough


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You could recreate the poses and take photos and send them to him.

Either pose a bear or perhaps, if you are brave, yourself.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It doesn't sound like you can stomach any action except sweeping it under the rug. If this is how you feel, you shouldn't be snooping. You just cause yourself pain. Some people are the 'ignorance is bliss' types. (I'm not at all and would confront him immediately, but that is me.)

Unless you want to really do something about it, you will just have to live with it, in my opinion.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Has he sent the images to anyone?

And when you say inappropriate, in what way do you mean the word? How inappropriate are the images? Say on a scale of 1 to 10?


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## Mrs49 (Feb 13, 2016)

11 and yes he has


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Do you have children, and if so, how old are they?

Where do you live?


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## Mrs49 (Feb 13, 2016)

3 they are older but 2still living at home saving for houses


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mrs49 said:


> I am gutted to discover the photos but if I confront him I will be accused of snooping.
> 
> I know I am just a coward :-( I just hate arguments I want to be happy again


Then take him to a marriage counselor and ask him about it there. 

And so what if he 'accuses' you of snooping? Does he have a habit of getting angry or accusing you of things or guilting you?

If so, then I advise YOU to go to counseling on your own, because you're going to need to learn to grow your ability to stand up for yourself, else nothing will matter.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mrs49 said:


> Just so scared of upsetting everyone and worried where I week end up living as if he leaves I will have to sell the house and my job doesn't pay well. Where will I end up? I will lose the house and my husband that I still love. I am so silly I know but just not strong enough


Go see a lawyer. You will find out how much money your husband will likely OWE you once you divorce.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

And 11? That sounds interesting... That would be on the scale of illegal porn. (not talking about under-age) 

Could he be talking to guys?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

TaDor said:


> And 11? That sounds interesting... That would be on the scale of illegal porn. (not talking about under-age)
> 
> Could he be talking to guys?


One person's 11 is another person's 3.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mrs49 said:


> 11 and yes he has


Oh.

That's not good. As you already know.

Monitor him.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I understand your fears. I don't know how much you can live in denial. It was killing me just not knowing what was going on with my H. 

Many lawyers will give a first appointment free. Just find out where you stand. If you were in a stronger financial position would you challenge & consider leaving? If so what can you do to improve your situation? If action is terrifying you then make a plan, no matter how long term. It will give you strength.


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

I feel for you. It is a very hard situation to be in when your natural inclination is to avoid confrontations at all costs. Also very difficult when you know the truth will require you to drastically change you and your family's lifestyle. 

Go to a MC on your own to help you become stronger in your resolve then bring him to MC and with help and support work through this. It doesn't always mean the end if you are both willing to work on things.
Good luck and I am sorry that you are here.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Mrs49 said:


> Just so scared of upsetting everyone and worried where I week end up living as if he leaves I will have to sell the house and my job doesn't pay well. Where will I end up? I will lose the house and my husband that I still love. I am so silly I know but just not strong enough


Is there anyone who you can talk to in your family that would be *reliable* *not to gossip* 

But seeing an MC as nursejackie mentioned for a free first consultation they some times offer will help

Its so much harder for women to tackle this than men, I really feel for you

Good wish's


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

- You are not a coward. Confronting isn't easy. No need to admit to snooping. You only have to say you saw the photos on the computer which had synced.

- Choices are to confront. . . OR. . . stay, turn a blind eye and possibly be permanently unhappy and unable to resist snooping. 

- It's not an easy choice. If you stay and turn a blind eye, you will be financially secure with a companion rather than a partner. 

- He is a serial cheater. Like my ex, he doesn't know the meaning of R. There is so much pain here on TAM, especially with serials.

- You stayed on two? previous occasions so it's likely he thinks you will stay again. 

- If you do confront, you need to pack a punch this time. Ask for advice on here if you confront. You only want to do it once and do it well.

Am so sorry you are going through this yet again. No one deserves that.


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