# Going crazy



## Angela88 (Mar 12, 2018)

The marriage is great. We had some drama that involving infidelity(on his part) a few years ago but I think we are recovering well from it. 
The sex has been great when we do. But his horrible back pain is keeping him from being in the mood every once in awhile and this time it is worse than it usually is. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding. But I dont know how to handle my frustration. I get no privacy so taking care of it myself isn't really an option. 
I even considered to suggest open relationship but I think I will be too paranoid about his private life (went through it once. Dont want to do it again). 
Part of me is getting upset thinking, 'why do I need to be loyal to him and go through this stress when he had cheated on me in the past'. But I'm committed to him and wont risk our family for my desire.
I dont know what to do. Its stressing me out to the point where I'm depressed and cranky. I miss testosterone!!! 😞

I just needed somewhere safe to vent. I'm not replying to hook-up messages so please don't.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What is the cause of his back pain and what painkillers does he take?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Is his mouth broken too ???????

All he has to do is lay on his back .... simple enough.

I know it isn't penetrative sex but it's great and a good compromise..if not even better (for you)

Open marriage: Some people can do it but 99.999999 are not successful at it. The successful ones use it to "add more"....NOT fix a problem.

Just don't do it.


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## Satisfied Mind (Jan 29, 2019)

Back pain is a real killer, but as Mr. Married pointed out, there are other options. In addition to oral, there are lots of toys out there.

How often are you able to have sex with your husband? How often would you optimally want to be having sex?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

What is he doing to fix his back pain? That sounds pretty bad. Does it only flare up when you want sex or is it affecting his life in general? If it's that severe, he should be seeing a doctor. There are many treatments that can bring relief. 

Untreated back pain typically just gets worse. Lack of sex may be the least of your concerns as the years go on and he can't move because of the pain. 

You need to figure out if 'back pain' is his version of 'headache' as a way to get out of sex. If it's not an excuse, then he *must* go to a doctor for his own quality of life.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Have fun in the shower when he is not available.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

:laugh:


FieryHairedLady said:


> Have fun in the shower when he is not available.


:grin2:

Crack me up! Truthful but funny still!:wink2:


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

That is a NOT NICE situation to be in. If his back ain is totally prohibitive then you need to explore options with as well as without him. With him when he is there, without him when he is either in pain or not there. 

For hands, few toys and one tongue can do a lot to improve the situation. 

When my husband used to travel a lot and would be away for up to 3 weeks abroad, the only stress and frustration relief would be hands and toys.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

So he has a wife with a high sexual drive and he still cheated on you.Now he has back pain and can’t or won’t have sex.
I ask this gently,are you sure he’s not still cheating? Some people who are having an affair will not have sex with their spouses because it feels like they’re cheating on their affair partner.
If he really has back pain then what medication/therapy is he having.If he is refusing treatment then you have to accept he doesn’t want sex with you.
In my opinion when you caught him cheating you should have divorced him.He is a lucky man to have a HD wife and a lot of men would treasure a woman like you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

He needs to work on his back and talk with you about what he might be able to do to help you out. Those two things will tell you quite a bit. Then, go from there.


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## kimduhan (Feb 19, 2019)

sometimes i had similar feelings


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i have heard a number of people with back pain can still have sex if they use one of these wedge shaped pillows.

https://www.amazon.com/Wild-Nights-...coding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=9JVG6FWHVDB3J1YWX010

also there are electrostimulation belts one can wear that basically overload the pain nerves, and then additional pain from sex does not get transmitted to the brain.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I've had recurrent back issues for over 30 years and have been quite debilitated for a number of days several times. 

But never once have I even thought of not taking care of my wife if she was wanting any lovins. 

I may not be able to throw her legs over my shoulders and jackhammer her nonstop for hours on end. But the other 95% of the tools in my toolbox, I would be able to do just fine even if my back was tied into a dozen painful knots.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Without being too intrusive, if not too personal, what pain killers does he take?

Not being nosy but the wide variety of options for medication can have different effects, as I'm sure you know.

Any advice would strictly be on how to work with what youve got to work with, so to speak.


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