# New to site



## TryingSoHard (Dec 4, 2009)

My husband cheated on me......I am trying to deal but everyday....every single day is a struggle. We have been together or 10 years....married for almost 8. How could he do this......I want to forgive and forget but just don't know how to cope. I am new to this site and just trying to find some support.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

You're welcome here...so many of us are going through the same thing. There are some very wise people here (I'm not one of them).

But I feel bad for you and just said a little prayer on your behalf. You're about to go on a very long and painful journey.

It's good that you want to forgive and forget (that's EXACTLY what I have wanted in the 21 months since I found out about my wife's affair). But I'm not there yet, so can't really lead you to that path.

You must lay the law down though - do not be meek and just accept "I'm Sorry"....get a lawyer. Force your husband to send a No Contact letter to the other woman. There is to be not one single point of contact between them after that, or you get a divorce. The lawyer will help you reinforce that fact in case he doesn't believe you. My wife didn't actually end her affair until I met with a lawyer, then she realized I was finally serious. I should have done it MUCH sooner.


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## cowboyfan (Nov 15, 2009)

I'm very sorry for what's happened, my wife of nine years (partner of 12) recently tripped up in the same way and it's REALLY hard to get over. The best I can offer is to force open communication and figure out WHY he did this. By no means am I saying you should accept blame in any way. The only person responsible for cheating is the cheater, but if you're looking at making this work it's really important to know what he was looking for that he wasn't getting from you. It's hurtful (believe me, I know), but at least for me knowing was best because it allowed us the chance to fix our issues and move forward. What helps me is that my wife shows so much remorse over the incident, is your hubby expressing regret and showing the desire to make things better? If so, you'll heal in time.


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

What the hell is wrong with all these people????? GRRR. I'm so sorry you are too feeling the pain. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

If your plan is to stay with him then I recommend counseling, both couple and individual for you both as soon as possible. I do believe a marriage can survive a cheating spouse giving the reason he cheated in the first place is identified and worked through. Trust is going to be the biggest issue for you and he will have to open himself up completely to you and do whatever is needed to show his remorse and willingness to want to succeed in your marriage. I wish you the best of luck


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