# I'm already one foot out the door



## bluegold25 (Jul 13, 2011)

Originally posted in the marriage group but didn't get any responses and realized I probably have it in the wrong section.

Back story: I was almost 22 y/o and met a guy (he turned 30 right before my birthday) while I was in college. Within a couple months, I moved in after quitting my job and focusing on classes. He proposed after 5 months in the relationship (which looking back it wasn't a special proposal). He would have proposed sooner or later but he proposed on a day when I was feeling depressed. He is a good man and has always taken good care of me, something I never experienced before. I had been in and out of quite a few relationships but nothing really lengthy. Everyone in my and his family seemed really happy with the wedding and his family doesn't have but 1 divorce and my family-everyone has been divorced except in my generation because we're not that old yet.

I had a very stressful remainder of school (2005) and health issues started showing up. We had a pretty good relationship before moving in/getting engaged but that was only a couple months and really hard to base anything on that. I lost energy and interest in a lot of things, most people on here might say depression and although that could be part of the issue, there is more to the story.

Got married within the year (following summer). H and I were the ones who paid for the bulk of the wedding. I started my current job a few months before the wedding and wasn't able to take a honeymoon until 3 months after the wedding. Wedding night wasn't anything special and sex in general has been only a few times in the 5 years we've been married.

He wants more but I have no physical interest in him. For awhile, I thought it was my health issues and my stressful job but now I realize it's my lack of interest in him (he has not physically changed over the years). We have no kids and now I am 28 years old. I have no interest in having kids with him although I want to have kids. I don't enjoy spending time together and we feel more like friends/roommates than Husband and Wife. I don't feel any emotional connection to him and we just sleep next to each other. I no longer want to be touched by him. I started seeing a counselor on my own because I want to be stable. I know I want to get divorced and have talked to quite a few of my friends, which gives all different perspectives from religious, law, and friends that are like family to me. He has told me that he prefers our relationship than his life prior to me, which was being alone.

Two of the major reasons I haven't filed yet is when I married him, he had a lot of debt (still does have a good amount) and some was transferred to my name since I had and still have good credit. I'm also so concerned with how everyone else will take it that I have forgone my own happiness. Once I had discussed this with my husband, pastor, and some close friends, I have had more energy than I have had in 5 years: cooking, cleaning, and just in general. I may stay with a friend for a bit and hopefully get some perspective, maybe realize there is something still there. That same friend said I could move in with her, since I have quite a few bills and won't be able to move out by myself for awhile. Just an fyi, I have never lived by myself, always with roommates. H would rather still be together until lease up next year (just resigned) but I would rather before or after the holidays or after doing taxes.

I don't know if there is anything I can do to salvage our relationship. It's all me and I can't seem to find many good reasons to stay together. 5 years isn't a lot of time but I would rather both of us move on while we are still young and can find someone(s) who can make us both happy.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Your story sounds somewhat similar to mine and you should read mine in my profile and see if it makes any connection to your own.

I think you should see a counselor and perhaps move out before you make any permanent change to your marriage. You sound somewhat confused or like you have been lost and confused the last few years. 

I can try to answer any questions you have, but you didn't have any in your post.

I feel for the confusion and pain you are going through. Try to find peace and from there see what is left of the marriage, but you need to start with happiness in yourself.

Best of luck and God bless.


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