# Co Parenting with a High Conflict EXW



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Do any of you have experience dealing with a high conflict ex who seems hell bent on making your life miserable? I'm establishing boundaries but she will call, text or email garbage in an attempt to harrass me. 

It seems unlikely I can effectively co parent with a person with the emotional maturity of a five year old.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What is the back story? Why is she doing this?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Yeah, we need a little detail on why she's acting this way, and what exactly she's doing. It's hard to give advice with such general information.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

My first thought is to take it back to court, if that's where the co-parenting plan came from. When my H and I were going through our divorce (reconciled eventually though), we had a very volatile situation and we each ran to our lawyers when the other party did something that was against policy... But of course that was expensive at the end of the day. And if your divorce is over and done with and you're following a plan, then it probably is more difficult to have a third party play referee.


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## PrivateTalk (May 27, 2011)

Hi,
I'm not sure if you’re a bio parent or a step parent but either way 

Harassment is not allowed. If the EX is harassing you, you will need to go to the courts and request a mediation meeting, express your concern on the EX's level of harassment and ask that It stop. The EX is technically not allowed to speak to you other than to talk about the Children (i.e. pick-up, drop-off, Child support, Dr appointments, school...etc...) if these are not the topic of conversation they need to be stopped. also if the EX is still harassing you or talking to you about the children in a manner that is not "adult" you can request that all child activity between parents is drawn up on paper i.e. you will have the kids on such and such days, and the hand off will happen by you picking up or the EX dropping off... etc. any further correspondence can be made through mediation meetings or through a lawyer. 

Either way harassment is not tolerated and after a few years of it you can kiss any relationship you get with another significant other goodbye if you don’t nip it in the but... deal with the issue the only way the EX will finally get it, through the courts 

Hope I helped a little you were kind of vague.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Sorry I wrote the original post frustrated. In a nutshell anytime I have my boy on the weekends she will call several times a day asking about him which is fine because I will not alienate his mother, but she calls and will ask every day what he ate or what he and I are doing, etc. I feel like I have to give her a daily report. Yes I know I don't have to but this woman is relentless in her hounding and disengagement just causes rage in her. She will literally be pissed for days if I dare utter the word "NO" on some of her ridiculous requests. 

Ever decision I make about my boy that does not agree with her desires, timelines or her for that matter are met with hostility or some disrespectful comment in front of our son. I try to be civil but if I hang up the phone she will literally call 10-20 until I pickup. Its ridiculous. 

Ultimately she is just very controlling person and I absolutely dread my son being with her.


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## PrivateTalk (May 27, 2011)

Sanity said:


> Sorry I wrote the original post frustrated. In a nutshell anytime I have my boy on the weekends she will call several times a day asking about him which is fine because I will not alienate his mother, but she calls and will ask every day what he ate or what he and I are doing, etc. I feel like I have to give her a daily report. Yes I know I don't have to but this woman is relentless in her hounding and disengagement just causes rage in her. She will literally be pissed for days if I dare utter the word "NO" on some of her ridiculous requests.
> 
> Ever decision I make about my boy that does not agree with her desires, timelines or her for that matter are met with hostility or some disrespectful comment in front of our son. I try to be civil but if I hang up the phone she will literally call 10-20 until I pickup. Its ridiculous.
> 
> Ultimately she is just very controlling person and I absolutely dread my son being with her.


LOL  I am a stepmom so my view is a bit different but; When my husband (DH) and I first got together his EX would call the house constantly and do the same, she would even call when we didn't have the kids to complain about them not listening to her.... my DH put up with this for a bit until I pointed out that if it continues it will ruin our relationship. My DH went for a free consultation with a divorce lawyer about these issues. i.e. constant calling, constant riticule when kids were with us...etc. anyway the lawyer informed him that we should let her know that if the calling persists we will have to file a harrasment complaint toward her. DH was also informed that the EX is not allowed to dicatate how you raise your child while the child is in your care and vice versa you can't dictate how she does things either (unless its breaking the law). I know it can be hard to do the initial pull-back from allowing her to "run" your life but in the end it is healthier for your sanity and the sanity of anyone that choses to be with you. you need to set the boundaries, know your rights and don't let the EX stomp on them. what you do with your son i.e. how you spend your time, what he eats, how you discipline....etc is NONE of her business.

Good luck, and start to detatch your life from her's that's what you got the divorce for remember


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## PrivateTalk (May 27, 2011)

P.S. calling on the weekend should stop that is your time with your son, it's not keeping her from him it's you taking the time with your son to the fullest. Just like when she has him it would be inapropriate to constantly call too


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## girl friday (Jan 14, 2012)

I think your ex must have been made from the same cloth as my partners ex. She even went to the point of ringing my partners boss and asking for him to give my partner time off when he was having his kids one particular holidays. I have put up with the constant phone calls when we have had the kids and questioning of what we were up to etc. Luckily for us it has lessened over the years as I think her turst in us has built up. But its not easy and the only advise I can give to you is to decide what behaviour you will accept from her and what you won't and to put boundaries in place to enforce this. If you need to get mediation help to do this then do it. Stick to it, don't let her bend things to suit herself. She will eventually get the message but it may be a long road to get to that point. Be strong it will pay off in the end.


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