# Why Sex / Porn is Addictive



## Doubt&Wonder

*Why SEX / PORN can be Addictive... "written from the male POV" *


YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE BRAIN TO YOUR SEXUALITY. 

Changes occur in the male physical body during the sexual act that not only changes its physical appearance, but also affects it physiologically in many ways when a man is being sexual. FACT – to be a sexually successful man, you must have a sexually successful brain. Typically what a man thinks about and focuses on is what he ends up doing. 

While all the case studies confirm that men spend a lot of time thinking about sex many times throughout the day, we must ask the question why so many men are not having sexual success. One reason is because of the manner in which men are thinking about sex. Another reason is the men’s brains have actually been trained about sex. This faulty thinking and training hinders the sexual success that men could experience. The good news is that there is an answer for these problems. It is possible to create a sexually successful brain.


WHAT IS SEX GLUE?

When a man ejaculates his brain receives its maximum chemical reward (more powerful than any illegal street drug). Critical to a man’s sexual success is understanding that whatever he looks at while having an ejaculation is what he will sexually connect or “glue” to. 
Whatever his eyes focus on when he sexually releases - - - a person, image, object, will become etched in his brain as a photographic attachment toward that person, image or object. This called “SEX GLUE”.
So after a period of time of having sex with the same person, when he sees her, he is going to feel attached to her. 

Hence the reason why lights should always be on during lovemaking and eyes wide open – make the eye contact to insure mental bonding of the two.

*(This process is true for both men and women during sex) *

A true fact:
Men will emotionally and sexually become glued to what ever it is that he views through the eyes during his sexual release, even that of a once youthful, beautiful and slender wife that has now put on little weight and is changing with old father time. Not to mention what happens to the body after giving birth to a few of his children (smiles).


* * * * * * *


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## draconis

So true I list the chemicals in one of my thesis, by this is written well and less like a text book.

draconis


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## fire_vogel

this is a very interesting piece and insightful too.


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## kajira

I would be very interested in seeing how the same would be true for a woman.


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## lovemywife

kajira said:


> I would be very interested in seeing how the same would be true for a woman.


and I would be very interested in meeting this women with sex addiction 
Doubt&Wonder good post


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## draconis

kajira said:


> I would be very interested in seeing how the same would be true for a woman.



It is true for women too. Women make up one out of three porn addicts if I remember from the research on my porn thesis. I think the numbers would be higher but generally, specially with older women, it was not though acceptable and shunned what they did not know making judgments on such.

draconis


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## draconis

lovemywife said:


> and I would be very interested in meeting this women with sex addiction
> Doubt&Wonder good post


No you would not. Addict means they have a problem they can not fully control. Why would you want that except to exploit it?

draconis


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## kajira

I think there is a fine line between addiction and being comfortable with ones own sexuatliy. Society is such that men "conquer", while if a women exhibits the same behavior she is "****ty". This mentality has been around for many many years. While it is "not fair" it is the truth. I belive that women who are in acceptance of their own sexuality should be rejoiced!


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## draconis

kajira said:


> I think there is a fine line between addiction and being comfortable with ones own sexuatliy. Society is such that men "conquer", while if a women exhibits the same behavior she is "****ty". This mentality has been around for many many years. While it is "not fair" it is the truth. I belive that women who are in acceptance of their own sexuality should be rejoiced!


I agree that as a society we should not hold a double standard. I do believe as a society we are getting better. I for one hold people to the same standard but then again if people are more inclined now a days to have had partners then before.

draconis


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## Doubt&Wonder

kajira said:


> I would be very interested in seeing how the same would be true for a woman.




It is very true for both men and women - what ever you look at during your BIG "O" will start to turn you on and get you all excited when you are sexual with your partner....... I heard about a man that always looked at his boots during sex and over time he could not have sex with out wearing his boots - no boots no orgasm. 

I personally use to look at a certain spot on the ceiling and I found that my orgasm was much stronger when I had my eyes open and looking up...... now I look into the eyes of my man (my husband).


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## draconis

My eyes  are always roaming, no wonder everything about my wife turns me on! 

draconis


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## kajira

I visualize more internally. More along the lines of a ball of engery that explodes into tiny particules that cover my entire body. I don't neccessarily focus on one particular item, more the whole experience.


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## Doubt&Wonder

kajira said:


> I don't neccessarily focus on one particular item, more the whole experience.


As do I - but at that moment of sexual explosion I place my eyes upon the man I love..... as to connect and bond with him and him only.


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## kajira

I wish I could connect, I think....my ex2be and I talked last night and I still feel so indifferent. He wants intamacy now and I can not stand the thought of him touching me..I calcualted and if he and the other woman were together for 4.5 years and had sex once a month that is over 50+ he was "intamite" with her...and after a month I just supposed to be like "it's okay honey, let's go for it"..i don't think so...........


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## evenow

I've been reading this thread for a little while and I realize I've never looked into his eyes. I typically avoid them. Hmmn. I wonder what problems this creates.



> I think....my ex2be and I talked last night and I still feel so indifferent. He wants intamacy now and I can not stand the thought of him touching me


Does he know he's an ex to be? I'm just curious why he's interested in intimacy from you now.


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## Doubt&Wonder

evenow said:


> Does he know he's an ex to be? I'm just curious why he's interested in intimacy from you now.




Probably because he either knows or feels that he is about to loose her....... and IMO a lot of men tend to change once they have lost and it is over - Go Figure.


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## Doubt&Wonder

evenow said:


> I've been reading this thread for a little while and I realize I've never looked into his eyes. I typically avoid them.
> 
> Hmmn. I wonder what problems this creates.




Lost opportunities for emotional bonding with the man you love....... YOU can render this by starting the lights on eyes open at all times - from this moment forward.

*Good Luck....*


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## evenow

Doubt&Wonder said:


> Lost opportunities for emotional bonding with the man you love....... YOU can render this by starting the lights on eyes open at all times - from this moment forward.
> 
> *Good Luck....*


Actually, that is a problem. What if I don't enjoy looking into his eyes at that particular moment, or if doing so is an impossibility?


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## draconis

Okay the chemicals released during orgasm makes a mental picture used in bonding. What if she closes her eyes does she then get turned on in the dark? SOrry pillow talk from the wife and I.

draconis


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## Doubt&Wonder

draconis said:


> Okay the chemicals released during orgasm makes a mental picture used in bonding. What if she closes her eyes does she then get turned on in the dark? Sorry pillow talk from the wife and I.


YES....................... believe it or not - the answer is YES.

Remember I stated this back a few post:




Doubt&Wonder said:


> I heard about a man that always looked at his boots during sex and over time he could not have sex with out wearing his boots - no boots no orgasm.
> 
> I personally use to look at a certain spot on the ceiling and I found that my orgasm was much stronger when I had my eyes open and looking up......


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## Doubt&Wonder

evenow said:


> Actually, that is a problem. What if I don't enjoy looking into his eyes at that particular moment, or if doing so is an impossibility?



Impossible due to what? - - - *Fear of What*...True Intimacy maybe?

And please keep in mind that this new bonding experience will be uncomfortable for some when they first start it, but give it a try and in time you will find it desirable........ besides: Practice makes Perfect.


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## draconis

True Intimacy ~ I don't think everyone can or wants to train themselves because this is the newest greatest thing. My wife likes to close her eyes. Hey it works for her and when it is over she is right back to looking into my eyes.

draconis


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## kajira

To answer the question, my ex2be does not know.......I keep telling him I do not know if I can work it out or not....bad on my part....sometimes I think I can and other times I just can't.........and this morning he was crying..........


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## draconis

draconis said:


> True Intimacy ~ I don't think everyone can or wants to train themselves because this is the newest greatest thing. My wife likes to close her eyes. Hey it works for her and when it is over she is right back to looking into my eyes.
> 
> draconis


sorry my post was about looking into the other persons eyes during orgasm. sorry to confuse.

draconis


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## evenow

Doubt&Wonder said:


> Impossible due to what? - - - *Fear of What*...True Intimacy maybe?
> 
> And please keep in mind that this new bonding experience will be uncomfortable for some when they first start it, but give it a try and in time you will find it desirable........ besides: Practice makes Perfect.


Well I guess I'll just come out and say it. If this is inappropriate, let me know and I'll edit it. What if you can't look into their eyes because of the particular positions you like? 

Perhaps you are right about a fear of true intimacy. I'm not sure quite what that means. But certain positions (many of the ones that face the spouse) are kinda boring for me. When I'm not looking at him I don't focus on his face, and I can focus on other things: my needs, his response, the feeling...etc.

It's kinda like when you smell a smell or listen to a sound and close your eyes to take it all in.


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## kajira

evenow said:


> It's kinda like when you smell a smell or listen to a sound and close your eyes to take it all in.


Nicely put! 

Sometimes you go with moment and do what comes naturally........


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## Doubt&Wonder

evenow said:


> Well I guess I'll just come out and say it. If this is inappropriate, let me know and I'll edit it. What if you can't look into their eyes because of the particular positions you like?
> 
> It's kinda like when you smell a smell or listen to a sound and close your eyes to take it all in.



Then I would say go for IT at the moment (and) try other times during the week to look into his eyes........ 
for SEX is like a T-shirt - One size does not fit all.


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## draconis

Heck what ever works for you. I have know people to say up and down this tech works or you need that. Everyone is different in what they will do, what they like, what they want, how they veiw it. Hey spice is nice. Keep it fresh, exciting maybe try something new to see if you like it.

draconis


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## demora

Reading this thread, it make sense to me now why my husband is not happy just to make love to me. I have to pretend to be someone else in order for him to get excited. I guess that I have to pretend to be the women in all the porn that he looks at all the time.

I truly believe my husband is addicted to porn. He has spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on it. It's been going on for about 1 year and half now. I don't know what to do about it anymore. It's ruining us financially, and seriously hurting how I feel about him. I feel like he's very selfish and he doesn't care what the porn does to our life at all. I don't have a problem with him looking at it as much as I have an issue with the amount of money he spends on it. Over $800.00 in one month.

The big thing is with his lack of caring about our life, it's hurting how I feel about him....and it's also hurting my sex drive. I don't want to make love to him because I feel like it's not me he's making love to anymore. Is that crazy??


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## Farfignewton

Nope. It's not crazy. When porn gets in between two people it really screws up the entire relationship, especially the sexual aspect. I no longer look my husband in the eyes nor do we kiss during sex. We used to have the most amazing passionate sex life, but because of his porn addiction it is no longer what it used to be. I can not be truly intimate with someone that has disrespected me on so many levels. I'm to the point where I don't care what he's thinking about while we have sex because it is just to get the job done now. It is just a necessity. It is no longer a bonding experience like it once was. That beautiful aspect of it is over for us now.

It sucks, but I'm getting used to things being like this and actually finding happiness in my life again. For months, I had been really depressed and not interested in sex at all because of the porn issue. I had to fake it for a while. At least, I'm finally getting some pleasure out of it again. 

~sigh~

It is a long hard road for those of us who have porn addicted spouses. I hope that some males(or females) that read these posts will see themselves and stop this from happening to their relationship.


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## draconis

demora said:


> Reading this thread, it make sense to me now why my husband is not happy just to make love to me. I have to pretend to be someone else in order for him to get excited. I guess that I have to pretend to be the women in all the porn that he looks at all the time.
> 
> I truly believe my husband is addicted to porn. He has spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on it. It's been going on for about 1 year and half now. I don't know what to do about it anymore. It's ruining us financially, and seriously hurting how I feel about him. I feel like he's very selfish and he doesn't care what the porn does to our life at all. I don't have a problem with him looking at it as much as I have an issue with the amount of money he spends on it. Over $800.00 in one month.
> 
> The big thing is with his lack of caring about our life, it's hurting how I feel about him....and it's also hurting my sex drive. I don't want to make love to him because I feel like it's not me he's making love to anymore. Is that crazy??


Yes he is addicted.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman

I have a suggestion for you, Turn the tables on him for a night.

Get all dresses up sexy, and tell him you are in teh mood, BUt he is not your husband.

He is ___________.

A. a neighbor

B. Brad Pitt

c. George Clooney

D. another male movie star.

Make hot passionate love to him, but call him the movie stars name the whole time.

Put the shoe on the other foot sort of speak......See how he feels after that. 

It is one thing if you both enjoy role playing that way, but it has to be mutual.


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## justean

kajira said:


> I would be very interested in seeing how the same would be true for a woman.


i have only just come across this thread.

i wondered if you could help me. im 35 and im in love with sex, i physically feel that i need it to get through a day. i feel like i think about it 24/7. 
i have headaches if i dont get it. 
i get frustrated very easily also.
i actually concentrate more after i have had sex, before hand i lack concentration.
well this is a female point .


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## Channy

Farfignewton said:


> Nope. It's not crazy. When porn gets in between two people it really screws up the entire relationship, especially the sexual aspect. I no longer look my husband in the eyes nor do we kiss during sex. We used to have the most amazing passionate sex life, but because of his porn addiction it is no longer what it used to be. I can not be truly intimate with someone that has disrespected me on so many levels. I'm to the point where I don't care what he's thinking about while we have sex because it is just to get the job done now. It is just a necessity. It is no longer a bonding experience like it once was. That beautiful aspect of it is over for us now.
> 
> It sucks, but I'm getting used to things being like this and actually finding happiness in my life again. For months, I had been really depressed and not interested in sex at all because of the porn issue. I had to fake it for a while. At least, I'm finally getting some pleasure out of it again.
> 
> ~sigh~
> 
> It is a long hard road for those of us who have porn addicted spouses. I hope that some males(or females) that read these posts will see themselves and stop this from happening to their relationship.




I can relate, my last relationship ended partially because of his addiction to porn. I felt undesirable to him because he seemed to prefer that over intimacy with me, so after 6 years (and then him cheating a few times, or more) I left. I am now with a man who has absolutely no desire for porn anymore... I never even mentioned it to him but he got rid of all his.... he said because all he wants now is me. And our sex life is absolutely amazing. About the eye contact thing though, sometimes we stare into each others eyes but it's not always.....


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## Blanca

justean said:


> i physically feel that i need it to get through a day. i feel like i think about it 24/7.
> i have headaches if i dont get it.
> i get frustrated very easily also.
> i actually concentrate more after i have had sex, before hand i lack concentration.
> well this is a female point .


i actually researched 'sex addiction' because i have many the same symptoms. 

Aside from any biological factors (hormones levels, seritonin levels, etc) that might be the culprit, as i have little interest in that aspect, i gleaned from my research that I had a misconception on how to meet my emotional needs. From what I read, man or women, the motivation and eventual addiction to sex has an adjoining start- misconceptions on how to meet emotional needs.


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## Farfignewton

Well, I figured I'd throw in an update about my situation. Things have gotten much better. As far as I know, he has quit using porn for about a month now and our sex life has gotten WAY better in the last two weeks or so. The relationship, period, has gotten better. I have let go of a lot of my anger though I still have issues with the whole situation, and he has shown me that he has made the effort to be a team player and take my needs into consideration. Hopefully, I'm not jinxing things by writing this, but for now things are good. Not great like they once were, but pretty good.


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## justean

thanks ljtseng - would you mind explaining a bit more.
i have looked on the net. not indepth. but thanks for the response.
however what you say , your right in saying.
i think thats where im out of control. thats why i cant stop the thought of it.


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## Honey

I find porn a big waste of time and money. I also think trash talk/tv is big waste of time. As for sex.. yeah, it feels good, but I don't want to see others making love..talking about porn. In a love story, fine, but not down right dirty. To me, love shouldn't be taken that way.


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## robin

Porn of any type and even sexual tools such as vibrators are no good. They may get you stimulated but at some point it becomes difficult to become aroused and your body becomes addicted to it. Better to never try. There are other natural things a couple can do to help stimulate sexual arousal in their relationship. For example, role playing, heated hot words, body chocolate frosting and excercising in the nude.

Robin
Life's Little How To Book


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## Honey

Girls.. a pillow is just as good as a man. Better really. It doesn't tell ya what do do, talk back, and will never cheat on you. lol


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## robin

Honey,

Sounds to me a pillow is better than a man. LOL!!

Robin
Life's Little How To Book


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## Honey

robin said:


> Honey,
> 
> Sounds to me a pillow is better than a man. LOL!!
> 
> Robin
> Life's Little How To Book


Now if the pillow can spit out some money, don't need a man at all, right? :rofl:


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## draconis

Honey and Robin you are welcome to your pillows if that is your choice.

draconis


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## Honey

draconis said:


> Honey and Robin you are welcome to your pillows if that is your choice.
> 
> draconis


:lol:

It was a joke, dude. I ride horses, not pillows.


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## Channy

I much prefer my man over ANY horse OR pillow!!


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## Honey

I woud hope so, Channy.


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## italiana86

> The big thing is with his lack of caring about our life, it's hurting how I feel about him....and it's also hurting my sex drive. I don't want to make love to him because I feel like it's not me he's making love to anymore. Is that crazy??


No it's not crazy, I feel exactly the same way. I don't want to sleep with him anymore! Evenn if he sometimes want to. I try to go out or stuff like that.
But I'm at the beginning of all this. My H doesn't buy porn but he watches them on my computer online. Freepornos on google. they are short but you see naked people on it. maybe your husband could do this, I mean but it wouldn't change the way you feel but the money issue!!!


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## JasonL115

This is all unscientific rubbish. The reason people get hooked on porn is that it raises the availability of certain mood regulating brain chemicals that make a person feel good. The same thing happens to alcoholics, drug abusers, people who eat too much and even certain kinds of thrill seekers and those who love to do hard exercise.

People born with an inherited inability of the brain to use these chemicals (serotonin, dopamine and others) properly, suffer with a dysregulated mood state which often results in depression and anxiety. These people are particularly susceptible to acting out as a way to self medicate their mood.


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## lilly

I don't get it ??? My now separated spouse looks at many different women having sex on porn sights, has porn Cd's he watches, has web cam sex with a woman that lives out of state,that while out of state for work he had an affair with, has had an affair with a woman he works with here, has had an affair with a woman in a nearby suburb, How in the world could he have and keep that many connections. WTF kind of connection is it ??? And how could anyone feel connected to someone that is truly addicted to many for sex? unless they have the same [email protected]#&ed up sense of connection! I truly don't see any connection just ramblings of nothing sex!!!


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