# Is there hope



## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

I met my wife just a year ago. She seemed perfect. She said and did all the right things and the attraction between us was unexplainable. Just 3 months into the relationship, we were engaged and within 8 months, she was selling her house, we were buying a house and getting married. Just a week after we married, I lost my job and I went into dispair and withdrew because of the stress and worry I was under. Just a month after my job loss, her 20 year old son had a falling out with his biological father and moved in with us. My wife never discussed it with me, her son just showed up one day. He has problems and she was concerned as she would tell me he would drink and dabble in drugs. I was very depressed from the job loss and became negative and withdrawn. A little background on us both. I am 44 and this is my second marriage. (My last marriage ended because of infertility on my former wife's part) I have one son, who I adore who is 8 by my former marriage. My current wife is 46 and this is her second marriage as well. She has 3 children by her first marriage ages 15, 20' and 22. When we met, her story was that her former husband drove her to a near breakdown, she left, and he divorced her. She then lived with her father for a period of time and then moved in with a lover and lived with him for a year before breaking things off. I never really knew why things ended with the lover only except for he wouldn't allow her to change things in his home or provide for her kids. Shortly before we were married, she started complaining of menopause symptoms. I was able to find a job shortly after losing my job, but it wasn't a job I liked and I was depressed. I have a pinch nerve in my back that causes me a great deal of discomfort and pain and keeps me from doing a lot of things. This too had depressed me and I found myself being negative and complaining a lot because of the pain and because of a less than satisfying job situation. In January, my wife began staying in our bedroom when she was home and staying on an iPad all evening. The only form of communication she would use was texting. This too wore me down. She began picking me apart, how I dresses, being sarcastic toward me in front of others, no matter what I did, it was picked apart. My self esteem was taking a beating. Affection, was non existent. Shortly after I lost my job and her son moved in, the passion from her was dead. I would go to hug and kiss her and she pulled away and made excuses. One day I received a facebook friend request from a female and I accepted it. I normally accept all the friend requests and then try to find out if I know the person. It turned out that I didn't know the person and asked why they had sent a request. Their response was that my profile looked interesting. The wanted to meet me and I told them that I was married and could not do that because I didn't want anyone to think the wrong thing. Here I was a broken man in despair with a wife who I was trying to figure out on top of the stress created from her son and my recent job loss and my depressed state on how I was seeing my wife treating me. One day the facebook friend sent me a message asking me how I was doing. I was so emotionally beat down that I spilled my guts in a FB message on how my wife was treating me, what my concerns for her son were and how I was seeing him with no ambition and discipline. Of course I was venting my despair and just needing an ear to listen even if it was in message. Of course this person messaged me back and forth for a week or so and I vented. I even told them how I loved my wife but my heart was breaking. My wife found the message and of course, she blew up and sent a nasty message back to the person. Then she started treating me even worse as if I didn't exist. The only way she continued to communicate was through text no matter if I tried to talk or not. The only reason at that point I existed, was to pay the house payment with her. She began sleeping in her daughters room with her daughter and would stay in there on her iPad. No matter what I would try and I tried very little because I was respecting her personal space, she didn't respond or try to even work on our issues. Three weeks later she sent me a text telling me she saw no reason to stay in this marriage. She said she was unhappy. She then began deleting all our photos from her facebook except for photos of my son. She then deleted me from her friend list. A little voice in my head told me to go to this dating website where she and I first met. (You can go to website and view profiles without being a member) so I went there and sure enough, there was a profile on my wife that listed her as single and it had had activity daily for a few weeks and listed her as being active on there each day. I tried to talk to her and she said she didn't want to be married and wanted a divorce. She said this on multiple occasions. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown between the constant picking me apart, her son coming and going at all ours of day and night, and my wife coming and going. So I filed for a divorce that I don't want. She had wanted me to sign papers that she would get all proceeds from sell of marital home if and when it would sell and threatened me with getting an attorney if I didn't sign them. Well I didn't sign them and I filed, so she has gotten and attorney and we have a court date in a coule of weeks. I moved out of the house at the urgency of my parents because they were concerned for my emotional well being and not knowing what my wife would pull. I've been moved out for a month now and I can't seem to stop thinking about my wife. We have had no contact for two weeks and the last time we had contact was through text. I do love her and I want more than anything for a miracle to happen but I don't believe in miracles at this point. Anyway, I was at a baseball game and folks were coming up to me telling me that she had posted pictures of this guy on her FB and was talking about him but she wasn't in the pictures with him. Of course I was devistated and sent her a text and this become a barrage of Nast texts between us in a matter of minutes with her putting me down and telling me he's a real man and I'm not capable of nothing. At some point in the text, I was so hurt that I called her a *****. At that point I receive a FB message from the person I vented all my pain to that said they my be a *****, but they are one smart one. Then the FB profile was deleted. It was at that point I realized I had been played and she had created a fake FB profile I assume in an effort to get me to cheat on her. Only I didn't cheat, I vented my pain, how I was being treated, and what I was seeing and thinking about her son. Two weeks ago I drove by our house to see if the grass was cut and I was going to cut it. She sent me a text telling me she didn't know why I was coming by HER house and that she wanted the keys and if she had to tell police I was stalking her, she would. Of course I replied that it was our house and jointly owned and I was just checking to see if grass had been cut. She replied that I had nothing there and not to come by HER house or message her ever again. She said I started this by calling her a ***** and said she had the grass cutting covered, remember she had a man. I've not got in touch or tried to make contact since because I'm fearful of what she might do. What I can't understand is that she talks about this guy a little with one of her divorced female friends on facebook under the comments on the few photos but is not in any picture with him and the pictures are candid pictures as if the person in the pictures doesn't know they were taken although the person has clicked like on the pictures. There's a picture of the persons boots in our own home and they must be his boots because there is a hat draped over top of the boots and in the picture of him, he is wearing the hat. I guess I'm looking for any answers as to if my marriage can be saved. I feel as if I have no rights to a home that is jointly owned in both our names.


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## myfutureisgone (Mar 4, 2014)

In my experience, hope is toxic. You are better off proceeding as if there is none. 
I am havibg a sad day though, so take me with a grain of salt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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