# Marriage is an Image according to my Wife



## combernator (Dec 7, 2011)

In the beginning 13 years ago I was so unbelievably in love with the women who I married two years later, we have been married for 11 years to date. We have three handsome boys 10, 8 and 7. I am 38 and my wife is 35. The last three years have been the worst for me in my marriage. Our relationship is boring and we barely even touch each other anymore. We fight all the time and two years ago she told me that she was with me because that is what people do. They get married and look good to the community. I fired back at her with a "ok so your just with me for my comfortable salary and for me to give you kids, a $850K house and a nice car" as I am a project manager in the mining industry. I felt as if I was being used. Since that day we hardly speak, only if its something to do with the kids schooling or sports. 6 months ago I met a beautiful lady who my wife knows through the boys school, my wife was at a funeral in New Zealand and I was caring for the boys, she is going through a divorce and has 2 kids. We spent so much time together while the kids were at school and over the 2 weeks my wife was away that admitively we slept together. The sad thing is that I have fallen in love with her so quickly and she makes me so damn happy. Although at the same time I feel so damn guilty about the whole ordeal. We still have been seeing each other alot and the sex is great. I confessed to my wife three weeks ago and I told her that I was not sorry for having an affair, that I am not in love with her anymore and havent been for the last three years and that I am really unhappy and that I want a divorce. She sat there glaring at me and said to me that she refuses to get a divorce and she doesnt care if I am having an affair and then finished by thanking me and saying that I have now given her the blessing to have an affair. My marriage is clearly screwed but how to do get out of this. I have moved out to one of our investment units closer to the city 2 days ago and she keeps harping at me to come back. I still am having sexual relations with the women I met and we are in love with each other and she knows this although she is demanding that I return back to our family home. I am so confused right now...... Please through some ideas this way.......


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

how horrible of you to put your energy into an affair rather than trying to fix things or get out

file anyways

your marriage is destroyed and beyond repair, she can't stop the divorce and only slow it down


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and good luck with the affair partner, only 3% of those relationships last


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

What kind of mining are you in? You should have divorced her before cheating. Tell her that you have one life to live. And that you don't expect for her or you to be miserable the rest of your life. Just move forward with the divorce and work on yourself to become a better person......not a cheater.


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## combernator (Dec 7, 2011)

Off the record. I advised that I have been unhappy for three years. I have damn well tried hard to recover my marriage although its like the women hates me even before the affair. Thanks for the tip for the divorce filing. I am looking into that at the moment on the Federal Magistrates Court of Australia website.


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## combernator (Dec 7, 2011)

Global mining, Oil and Gas other products as well. Coal etc. I work for a company called bhpbilliton - type it in google and tonnes of info will pop up.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

being unhappy is not an excuse to cheat, even if you tell her over and over again.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

your marriage has eroded to the point of no return. face it, deal with it then move on. while i understand it has been a beatdown for you, you made a bad choice having an affair.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

file for the divorce. You've hurt you wife deeply, so deeply that any hope now of fixing the marriage sounds over.
so file.

it could also be that your wife is involved with someone already. This could be why she reacted like she and has. But perhaps the OM is married with kids and won't leave.


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## combernator (Dec 7, 2011)

Ok, absolutely it is no excuse and I express to her and my family how sorry I am, I am the most hated person at the moment in our circle of friends and family but no matter what I am really sorry and regret having an affair. I very much agree that I should have ended things before having an affair. My wife strangely comes across not pissed about the affair, she is furious that I have left her and moved out of the house. I refer to the 3% lasting relationships comment - I hope that I am in that 3% because I am in love with the women who I did have the affair with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

combernator said:


> I refer to the 3% lasting relationships comment - I hope that I am in that 3% because I am in love with the women who I did have the affair with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Practically every cheater things they are absolutely in love with their affair partner.

They also thought they would absolutely never cheat either.

It turns out they have a long list of things they've been absolutely wrong about.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and so are the other 97%


the big problem you have is that your relationship is founded in keeping secrets and lies, once you hit a rough patch one or other will either get suspicious of an affair or have an affair- not a great way to have a relationship


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I would suggest take a separation from both the wife and the other woman. Divorce your wife. Then get back together. That would be a good thing for your gf as well. There are many reasons why this is a good thing.


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## combernator (Dec 7, 2011)

Ok. I think I will focus on the divorce for the time being. Its going to be costly according references as well as very time consuming. I hope my wife stops playing games and proceeds to agree to a divorce. She sent abusive texts earlier in the day as I said to her I want 50/50 share custody of the boys. I have a feeling she doesnt want that because then I wont have to pay for maintenance. Its going to be a tough few months ahead. Thanks for listening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

strange but a project mgr could reason/do better than this (spell/write too), methinks.

as in plan, scheme, etc.

something doesnt quite add up here.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

combernator said:


> Ok. I think I will focus on the divorce for the time being. Its going to be costly according references as well as very time consuming. I hope my wife stops playing games and proceeds to agree to a divorce. She sent abusive texts earlier in the day as I said to her I want 50/50 share custody of the boys. I have a feeling she doesnt want that because then I wont have to pay for maintenance. Its going to be a tough few months ahead. Thanks for listening.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow you are a real piece of work. It is all about you and what you want.

I bet if we heard your wife's point of view we would discover that you have rewritten your history with her. I bet that you left out things that you did that made her react the way that she has been reacting. Again, in your mind it is all about you and what you want, what you did to her does not matter to you as you admitted to her that you have no remorse. The truth is now that you make good money, you have decided to in your mind trade up. Makes no difference to you how this will hurt your wife and your children. Your goal right now is to stick it to your wife in the divorce and to try to get her to cooperate with you in sticking it to her.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> no matter what I am really sorry and regret having an affair.


In the beginning, you said you didn't regret the affair; now, because you're the most hated person in your social circle- you do. I really don't see remorse here. 

What you are having is an "exit" affair. You wanted out so badly that you thought having an affair would compel your wife to divorce you. This tactic just blew up in your face. You should've done the right thing and sought counseling first for the dysfunction; and if that didn't work , sought a divorce. Cheating doesn't solve ANY of your problems.:scratchhead:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

exit affair is the perfect term here


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

combernator said:


> Ok. I think I will focus on the divorce for the time being. Its going to be costly according references as well as very time consuming. I hope my wife stops playing games and proceeds to agree to a divorce. She sent abusive texts earlier in the day as I said to her I want 50/50 share custody of the boys. I have a feeling she doesnt want that because then I wont have to pay for maintenance. Its going to be a tough few months ahead. Thanks for listening.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And I bet you also want all the money you can get, the car, and oh don't forget you want to msintain the same level of living too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Have you ever read the book "the Emperor's new clothes" ?

Well you have been sold a bill of goods by your own fog...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

comb, you are heavy in the fog right now, you told your W you were not sorry for the affair and you are not in love with her, but you later wrote to us on this forum that you are sorry for affair and regret it. So which one? Or are you just simply trying to manipulate your W, blameshift for your bad choice and rewrite your marital history in order to justify your choice to adulterate?

I don't see how your D is going to be costly, you've admitted that you earn a decent income, so what do you have to lose? Your W and you both play a role in your family financial situation and since you are ending it you each get to take your share with you, the only financial "cost" is the legal fees (not accounting for the emotional losses your family and friends will all suffer with the death of your marriage, but you can' really put a price on that) but they are a drop in the bucket compared to the overall finances, and of course your ultimate happiness.

Anyways, this is the third thread this morining I've commented on about a cheater wanting help with their decision to choose an AP over their spouse, its getting maddening I think I'll take a break from this site today. My advice in all of them: be honest.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

combernator said:


> Ok, absolutely it is no excuse and I express to her and my family how sorry I am, I am the most hated person at the moment in our circle of friends and family but no matter what I am really sorry and regret having an affair. I very much agree that I should have ended things before having an affair. My wife strangely comes across not pissed about the affair, she is furious that I have left her and moved out of the house. I refer to the 3% lasting relationships comment - I hope that I am in that 3% because I am in love with the women who I did have the affair with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You aren't. It takes a sense of commitment that you don't have. As soon as things started getting a little tough, you baled out on your wife. When the going gets tough with your " wonderful woman" it will all go south too, and you will have destroyed your family. Wonderful people don't have affairs with other women's husbands BTW. I know that from personal and painful experience. You have been hurting your wife for a very long time, or she would not have developed the attitude she has towards you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

combernator said:


> I confessed to my wife three weeks ago and I told her that I was not sorry for having an affair





combernator said:


> but no matter what I am really sorry and regret having an affair.


Okaaay.

My advice: just file for divorce. If you want a divorce, she cannot stop you.

You are still having an affair and sleeping with the OW with no intention of stopping. So file divorce yourself so she can move on with her life without you.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

combernator said:


> I refer to the 3% lasting relationships comment - I hope that I am in that 3% because I am in love with the women who I did have the affair with.


Everyone wants to think they are the exception to the rule, without exception (see what I did there lol).

Note, the survey was done with around a thousand PROFESSIONAL men, like you. Not some Tom, **** , and Harry kind of guys. 

Don't mistake infatuation and the adrenaline rush in being in a new relationship as "love". Understand that one day the honeymoon will be over. This looks like an exit affair which means its really a rebound and those tend to die just as quickly as they start.

Just be aware your feeling may change down the road. Don't do anything too rash or you may end up regretting it later. Get a D since its pointless to stay married and take things slow.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

This has foggy talk written all over it. The honorable thing would have been to divorce her before doing this. If you get taken to the cleaners and raked over the coals in the divorce....oh well. It is what it is. 

Oh, and you should really marry this woman right away, she's quite a catch. Then maybe we'll see you back here.....as a BS.


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## asumnersummer (Dec 8, 2011)

You sound like my husband. Its all about money to you. You seem to not even car about your own kids but are focused on how much this is going to cost you. I hope your wife puts up a fight like I have and still am.

I say good luck to this guys wife. She is better without him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

Gee folks, dont all "pile on" here now....the OP wont be back to give u any results of the
mgmt of his "project" now in development stage.

really.

sincerely.

am curious if he'll bother to admit he's in the 3 or 97% of the 
cheating populace, later on; so stop "spanking" him already pls.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

It's horrible that you chose affair than divorce. But, if he truly intend to end the marriage, he should move on, I guess. Although I hate cheaters, I do hope he gets what he wants. 3% odds certainly doesn't sound good though.


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