# How Long for Sex



## bubba29

I am curious how long it took you to have sex with someone other than your spouse after you separated. Tell us if you are male or female, age, and reason why you separated.


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## EnjoliWoman

Female, about 5 months, I was 35 at the time and I left because he was verbally and physically abusive and after asking for 3 years for him to change/get counseling/go to MC with no changes from him, I left the 15-year marriage.

Although I learned something about dating from that experience, It was helpful for ex to not be the last person I had sex with.


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## PBear

Just curious, but why are you asking? I was two weeks out of my marriage when I met my SO, after being married 17 years. One of the primary reasons was her shutting down our sex life. I'll also add that I did have two affair partners prior to leaving the marriage, though. 

Nobody can tell you what an acceptable time period is, if that's what you're looking for. Different people are ready at different times. Thus I'm wondering why you're asking. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bubba29

PBear said:


> Just curious, but why are you asking? I was two weeks out of my marriage when I met my SO, after being married 17 years. One of the primary reasons was her shutting down our sex life. I'll also add that I did have two affair partners prior to leaving the marriage, though.
> 
> Nobody can tell you what an acceptable time period is, if that's what you're looking for. Different people are ready at different times. Thus I'm wondering why you're asking.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


honestly just curious how quickly people get back on that horse. i think many require a strong relationship first and others just need sex for the sake of sex.


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## Jellybeans

Are you divorced/separated?

It's different for everyone. No two stories are the same.


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## SamuraiJack

bubba29 said:


> honestly just curious how quickly people get back on that horse. i think many require a strong relationship first and others just need sex for the sake of sex.


Male, 45 at the time.
I was loyal to a "T" while we were separated.
Never even so much as kissed another woman for 17 years.

After she sent me the D papers I picked up a FWB within a few weeks...but kept it very secret..until she snooped my facebook account with a device I forgot to clear.

Seems to me that men are quicker to roll in the hay than women...but thats a very broad generalization based on my experience.


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## PBear

bubba29 said:


> honestly just curious how quickly people get back on that horse. i think many require a strong relationship first and others just need sex for the sake of sex.


Same could be said for people who haven't been divorced, though... Some people are fine with NSA or FWB's, some people want to be married before bumping uglies. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy

About 6 weeks after I moved out. Male, about 45 at the time, separated because of a mostly sexless marriage for 23 years. Met my current wife about 7 months after separating.


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## zillard

I passed on a few opportunities within the first couple months. (And by opportunities I mean women already naked in bed, not good chemistry at a bar.) 

Then some fooling around the next month or two. 

Actual intercourse 4 months after X moved out, with someone I viewed as relationship material.


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## nice777guy

bubba29 said:


> honestly just curious how quickly people get back on that horse. i think many require a strong relationship first and others just need sex for the sake of sex.


Just be careful with the "horse" comparison - they really don't like that...


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## Pbartender

I am male. I will be 38 years old next month. My divorce was final last August, and my ex was a WAW.

I had sex for the first time since separating a little more than a year ago. We had been separated for about a year. I had been celibate for nearly a year and a half.

In the meantime, there had been a handful of opportunities for one night stands and the like that I had backed away from... I don't have anything against casual sex for the sake of fun. Sex, however, is a dangerously vulnerable position to put yourself in with another person for many reasons. Before I have sex with anyone, I at least need to be able trust them enough to know that they aren't somehow infectious or sleeping with someone else who might be.

That sexless year had more to do with me relearning how to trust someone, than it did with being able to find someone trustworthy enough.


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## hambone

nice777guy said:


> Just be careful with the "horse" comparison - they really don't like that...


It's not a comparison... It's a figure of speech.


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## Jellybeans

Pretty sure Niceguy was making a joke. As in, ha-ha-funny.


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## Dedicated2Her

2.5 months after divorce. (after I left the house) In house separation for 1.75 years. I was the BS and fought hard for the marriage.

I went for a crazy weekend at my ex's best friend from high school's house for a weekend. It was the perfect revenge sex.


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## nice777guy

hambone said:


> It's not a comparison... It's a figure of speech.



Lighten up - this isn't a political thread.


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## Jellybeans

Thank GOD.


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## Providence

4 months after she left. Hooked up with a long time FWB. I think this is when my healing process started. Once I broke my vows to her there was no turning back.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts

bubba29 said:


> I am curious how long it took you to have sex with someone other than your spouse after you separated. Tell us if you are male or female, age, and reason why you separated.


I'll let you know when it happens!

I am 44, Male. Ex was a serial EA addict, like 3 guys going at the same time. I have no proof of PA, nor did I really care at that point, and left her in June of last year. The only mitigating circumstance would be that I was recovering for the first 4-5 months after that from a severe motorcycle accident, which curtailed any real dating or going out.


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## movealong

I read the thread title wrong. I thought it said "How I long for Sex", and I thought yes, yes I do.


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## Rowan

I haven't, so far, at 9 months post-divorce. 

I'm female and 37. I divorced after 16 years of marriage, when I discovered that the single EA I thought we were in R over had actually been a long and colorful history of serial cheating going back over 14 years. I found out last July and our divorce was final exactly 10 weeks later.

I have only ever been sexually active with my ex-husband. I haven't begun dating again yet, and I'm just the sort who needs a relationship first. I'm just not ready quite yet.


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## Shooboomafoo

The last five years of my marriage were sexless. completely. I quit chasing, after years of bullsht excuses, concerns, stonewalling, no interest in counseling,, nothing.. then divorced, as she had already been seeing someone else, and then decided to notify me that she did not love me anymore.

2 years post divorce, and I still have not had anything. I guess I am a loser as I have no steady supply of long-past FWB waiting in the wings.. I will not involve myself with a woman that participates in a FWB with anyone. I do not like drinking from a dirty cup, and the thought of being where some other dude just was... doesn't quite imbue me with hot flashes towards her. 
So I mull thru my days, check out facebook and see how great everyone else's lives are, as they pose in Italy with their 3 boys and 2 girls, celebrating their fifteenth wedding anniversary, and pretty much spend most of my days trying to remind myself why I exist. 
I am the last of my line, and that ends with me. Stripped of my opportunities, and tied into a fking trap with work, residue of what was my marriage/family/life... 

Residue... that's a good word for me. When it comes to allllllllllll the friends I used to have, whom I hadn't heard jack-sht from even during the divorce.. 

If nothing is revealed to me soon, I may very well force the issue.


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## Fenix

bubba29 said:


> I am curious how long it took you to have sex with someone other than your spouse after you separated. Tell us if you are male or female, age, and reason why you separated.


Female, 51, married 25 years and together 30. I discovered he was a major serial cheater in May 2013. Separated and now in process of divorce. I had to wait 1 year before filing. Already feel divorced and FREEEEEE!

Let's see...I waited 10 months. Found someone in a very similar sitch as mine and we have been having fun since. He is the complete opposite of my X.



Shooboomafoo said:


> 2 years post divorce, and I still have not had anything. I guess I am a loser as I have no steady supply of long-past FWB waiting in the wings.. I will not involve myself with a woman that participates in a FWB with anyone. I do not like drinking from a dirty cup, and the thought of being where some other dude just was... doesn't quite imbue me with hot flashes towards her.
> So I mull thru my days, check out facebook and see how great everyone else's lives are, as they pose in Italy with their 3 boys and 2 girls, celebrating their fifteenth wedding anniversary, and pretty much spend most of my days trying to remind myself why I exist.
> I am the last of my line, and that ends with me. Stripped of my opportunities, and tied into a fking trap with work, residue of what was my marriage/family/life...
> 
> Residue... that's a good word for me. When it comes to allllllllllll the friends I used to have, whom I hadn't heard jack-sht from even during the divorce..
> 
> If nothing is revealed to me soon, I may very well force the issue.


Yuck, just yuck. There is so much here to address. Suffice it to say that you need to be in IC. Now.


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## Shooboomafoo

So you say.. care to flip the bill? Until that resolves I cant do anything.


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## Fenix

Shooboomafoo said:


> So you say.. care to flip the bill? Until that resolves I cant do anything.


There are low cost alternatives through churches, community divorce groups etc. Do some research. Your attitude is extremely negative and the thing is, it can become habitual and then, you are in a world of hurt. It is a cycle and affects everything, from career to parenting to dating.


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## Shooboomafoo

BINGO!

I have a very negative attitude. Promises mean nothing, personal accountability is gone with years past. 
In my own little personal accounting of my world, and the events that singularly encompass what it is that is "my life", I have come to find that my trust in others is what has allowed such upheaval, such frustration, disillusionment, no fulfillment... 
I feel soooo locked in to the way things are right now, thinking about a different job, but knowing hundreds of thousands out there are jobless... so I counter that with thinking I should shutup and be grateful.... 
No need to mention the divorce thingy...

Its just today though. Some days I feel more negative than others... Some days I am fine, and can actually find a thread of hope for a brighter future... 

My daughter needs me to keep some measure of grounding and stability... I have to keep working to pay the bills and cant afford the luxury of whisping off to find a new job... OH how the thought hits me every day though.... 

the concept of a decent relationship with someone just seems so far removed from reality for me.. Don't know what I am gonna do..


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## zillard

Happy, healthy people attract happy, healthy people. 

And vice versa.


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## muskrat

Shooboomafoo said:


> So you say.. care to flip the bill? Until that resolves I cant do anything.


A lot of churches offer a program called celebrate recovery. It is for people recovering from drug abuse, alcoholism and divorce. Some churches also offer a program called divorce care. Both these programs are free. They will help you enjoy life again and help increase your social circle.


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## vi_bride04

Less than a month after I moved out. Just a fling, nothing more. 33/F at the time.


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## michzz

I waited a couple of months after separating before I tried to get a date. it took three more months to bed someone.

I wasn't on a timer, if it was going to happen, it would happen.


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## antechomai

Well after the final time with my Ex, that left me felling, WTF, I stopped all approach (after 15 years).
Wait 6 months to D day when I figured everything out.
Work 4 months to get out of the house and a new home.
Divorce final at Jan 1.
Just worked on life 10 months.
So, celibate two years. But after some my own time to reconsider women, dated one new woman one time. Met her again after a long (9hr) drive to for my children to see their Grandma, "Can I drive another hour to visit and discuss that date." 
It is now 14 years together.


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## unbelievable

About 15 minutes after my wife tells me she wants a divorce.


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## SamuraiJack

unbelievable said:


> About 15 minutes after my wife tells me she wants a divorce.


:rofl::lol:


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## TheGoodGuy

unbelievable said:


> About 15 minutes after my wife tells me she wants a divorce.


Seriously? If so, with whom?


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## TheGoodGuy

Nothing for me yet. More than a year celibate. That's not me bragging. Wish I had the opportunity. I won't get down with just anyone though. I did contact an old FWB a year ago to catch up, I'm certain the offer was there but went unsaid, but she's married and I WILL NOT be a POSOM. She also told me her marriage is probably over because she's had one on the side for a while. I found my voice at that point and told her I did not agree with her values and expressed my own boundaries. That felt GREAT. 

Anyways none for me yet except for Rosy and her 5 sisters lol.


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## Vanton68

I waited a few weeks, until I met a hardbody female who wanted it as bad as I did. We did it a lot!! I got lucky, my next opp didn't come by for another 3 weeks after. so it could have easily been 2-3 months while I was being very choosy


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## angelpixie

My ex was my first, and we stopped during our in-house sep. He had a long history of EAs, never sure if one of them turned PA while we were separated. That whole split, after an emotionally abusive marriage, left me pretty mixed up. I didn't get married to be alone the rest of my life, but I didn't have much dating experience before my marriage/relationship with my ex, and I didn't look forward to getting back into that again. I did try dating a bit, it was awful overall. I thought seriously about what I wanted -- could I do FWB, could I do ONS? I was open to the idea, but as it turns out, I discovered that I do need an emotional connection first, though I don't have to love someone. My trust issues, body image issues, etc., were many after Ex, and I wanted to be 'safe' as far as STDs, etc. So, it ended up being 2 1/2 years of celibacy after Ex. 

I'm glad I waited. I don't have any 'icky' experiences to regret. I took a lot of time making sure I was emotionally ready first. That was important to me. And I realized that, to me, quality is more important than quantity. Though, both would be the ideal.


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## unsure78

Female, 34 at the time.... exh had a EA eventually turned PA after we separated, of course like all the BS I tried to make the marriage work. .. I stayed completely faithful while separated... (but was only separated 3 months before D was final)... had sex 2 months post D...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hdfxdli

Well for me, after a 29 year marriage, separated, and now divorced for 1.5 years. total of 2 year plus... 

Going on my first coffee date where I actually asked a girl out. Even though she is a bit younger she is a nice girl. known her for a year or so, If all goes well it will be with in the next 6 months. I do have to have a relationship and trust before I have sex. only been with 3 woman in my life, ex wife was 30 years of my present 55..


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## firebelly1

Female, 42 when we separated the first time after 6 years of a once-a month marriage (his idea). I slept with a rebound guy two months after we separated. I dropped rebound guy and we tried reconciliation. Didn't work. I was 44 when we separated for good and it was about 4 weeks after that I slept with someone else with the intention of being FWB.


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## COguy

About 6 months for me. Took about 6 weeks to stop being sad about the relationship. Another few months to go out and find myself again. Another few months to find girls to date, and a few months after that to feel comfortable with doing it (I was a virgin till marriage and wasn't sure how I felt about pre-marital sex).

I feel like I went through all that pretty fast but by the time I actually had sex again I really had zero interest in my ex, knew I was never getting back together, was no longer sad about it, and was having an awesome time with the ladies.


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## COguy

Shooboomafoo said:


> The last five years of my marriage were sexless. completely. I quit chasing, after years of bullsht excuses, concerns, stonewalling, no interest in counseling,, nothing.. then divorced, as she had already been seeing someone else, and then decided to notify me that she did not love me anymore.
> 
> 2 years post divorce, and I still have not had anything. I guess I am a loser as I have no steady supply of long-past FWB waiting in the wings.. I will not involve myself with a woman that participates in a FWB with anyone. I do not like drinking from a dirty cup, and the thought of being where some other dude just was... doesn't quite imbue me with hot flashes towards her.
> So I mull thru my days, check out facebook and see how great everyone else's lives are, as they pose in Italy with their 3 boys and 2 girls, celebrating their fifteenth wedding anniversary, and pretty much spend most of my days trying to remind myself why I exist.
> I am the last of my line, and that ends with me. Stripped of my opportunities, and tied into a fking trap with work, residue of what was my marriage/family/life...
> 
> Residue... that's a good word for me. When it comes to allllllllllll the friends I used to have, whom I hadn't heard jack-sht from even during the divorce..
> 
> If nothing is revealed to me soon, I may very well force the issue.


Shoo I haven't been around much the last few months, came on today and see this. Man it's been a few years, you still sound really bitter. Like all you have going on in your life is your sh*tty ex and sh*tty divorce situation.

You're exuding negativity with your entire being. You need a change. You can wallow in your self-pity for another 5 years or you can force yourself out of your bubble and start living life.

It's 2014 there's really no excuse. Meetup.com, force yourself to go to something outside your comfort zone. Thank me later.

Don't waste another 5 years, there's so much out there to do.


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## hope4family

Been more then a year almost two I suppose. 

Turned down plenty of offers. 

Met one that I considered relationship material, but we were literally headed in two directions. 

I regret nothing.


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## SurpriseMyself

nice777guy said:


> Lighten up - this isn't a political thread.


Oy! lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SurpriseMyself

unbelievable said:


> About 15 minutes after my wife tells me she wants a divorce.


Future tense? Why not present tense?

I know your story, Unbe. Just gentle pushing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy

To answer the original question, lets just say I need to get out more...2+ years later...


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## Wolf1974

I can't recall how long we were separated but it's wasn't long and divorce came quickly so maybe 3 months?? But soon as I found out she was having an affair and leaving me for another dude I was with another woman within 3 days.


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