# You OK w/Your Daughter Moving Her Flunked-Out Boyfriend Into Her Dorm???



## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

Let me see if I can make this brief, 'cause this whole scenario disgusts me to no end!

1. Our DS (actually my SS) flunked out of college.
2. His girlfriend is obviously on track and makes good grades.
3. Instead of him taking time to re-group and get some discipline and study-skills about himself, he moves into girlfriends dorm.
4. Girlfriend is cool with this, heck, I suspect it may have been HER idea, so she can keep him under her thumb. (He's the quintessential lady's man who likes to dibble and dabble.)
5. I'm baffled that no one seems to have a problem with this. His mom was the one who took him back to campus. (He lied to her and convinced her that he'd been re-admitted.) His dad (my DH) refused to take him because he had no proof that they'd re-instated him.
6. BUT! They all seemed to be resigned to the "he's grown" mentality. His mom, DH, as well as the girlfriend's mom all know perfectly well that HE IS NOT TAKING CLASSES, but just shacking up in her room. None of them have done a thing or said a thing to try to discourage him from this...or discourage the chick from allowing this! I'm scratching my head trying to figure out if I'm stupid or something.
6. I totally "get" that all college students are going to do things (in hiding) the parents wouldn't approve of. But for ALL the bio parents to KNOW what's going on and not do/say anything????

Am I missing something here?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I'm certain the college housing department does not allow this. Does the DD have a roommate? The roommate is cool with this?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> I'm certain the college housing department does not allow this. Does the DD have a roommate? The roommate is cool with this?


That definitely would NOT be allowed by administration. And it's definitely not fair to her roommate!

You're not missing anything at all, @pianobabe. I would also be asking myself, WTF are they thinking? At least it sounds like your husband has his head on straight, although he could have put his foot down a little harder on this.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Not trying to be flippant, but if she is 18+ not much that you can do save some loving parental advice.

When this relationship ends badly, and it will end badly from what you stated, hopefully she will learn a good life lesson, the hard way.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Is anyone being harmed by the situation? Is there a roommate?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

When my BIL flunked out his freshman or sophomore year from partying too much, his mom made him move back home and enroll in community college, and she watched him like a HAWK. She was on him every day, made him get a job, gave him a curfew. He straightened up, got his **** together, and re-enrolled as a full-time student a year or two later, and was on the dean's list every semester after that. His mom will do anything for her sons and she loves them with every ounce of her being, but she has no problem laying down the law if they **** up. Oy, if he ever cheated on my sister or did some stupid thing like that, his mom would be the first one on his case, grabbing his by the ear and asking him, "What the hell were you thinking?!?"

While at 18+, a person is technically and legally an adult. But don't underestimate the emotional power and influence a parent may have over their just-barely-adult child.

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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

Yeswecan said:


> I'm certain the college housing department does not allow this. Does the DD have a roommate? The roommate is cool with this?


Ha! You'd think! Turns out that the housing department is quite aware of it...and have done absolutely NOTHING to stop them or send him home. So yeh, it disgusts me that the schools's standards are no better than these lovebirds of ours. SMDH...

Oh! And yes, this chick has at least one roommate. As I conveyed to DH and SS's mom...I'm not sure if I'm stuck in a time warp, but I wish to hell one of my roommates would've tried moving a boyfriend in when I was in college. None of us would've tolerated that from any of the others.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

pianobabe said:


> Ha! You'd think! Turns out that the housing department is quite aware of it...and have done absolutely NOTHING to stop them or send him home. So yeh, it disgusts me that the schools's standards are no better than these lovebirds of ours. SMDH...


Seriously, WTF?


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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> That definitely would NOT be allowed by administration. And it's definitely not fair to her roommate!
> 
> You're not missing anything at all, @pianobabe. I would also be asking myself, WTF are they thinking? At least it sounds like your husband has his head on straight, although he could have put his foot down a little harder on this.


EXACTLY! This is what pisses me off the worse. Here I am, the lonely stepparent (who, by the way, has fought harder over the years for his educational success than his parents have), and the adults in this equation are baffling me. SS can be kinda sassy to his mom, but he knows better than to buck at DH. My DH is the only person who could probably roll up to campus and tell him to go get his clothes, and get his arse in the car...and SS would do it. But nooooo...DH's take on this is that "it'll blow over...them playing house."

In my mind, I'm like the **** it will! WHAT? WHEN? Like after they get careless, she's knocked up and they look up in 4-5 years and have 2 or 3 kids they don't want and can't afford? And neither of them have degrees cause they're both stuck working 2-3 minimum wage jobs to support said kids?

UGH!!!!

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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> Seriously, WTF?


HBCU with low standards like many of them have. Not to sound racist or anything, but I'm just keeping it real. I hate he ever chose to go to that school. Now they're letting him lie around like it's damn free public housing. He's distracting the girlfriend, and she's crippling him...giving him the idea that he can get something for nothing.

I will say this...he is an Army Reservist, so it's not like he hasn't done anything with himself. But here lately, his choices have been going south real hard and real fast. DH tried to encourage him to go active duty. Nope. "Dad, that's too much like slavery." 

WTF? Come see me when you're working in a low-end job (or several of them concurrently), and let's talk about what seems like slavery. (But I can't say this stuff out loud...then I'm the evil stepmother, LOL!)

But oh well, it's clear that this kid is gonna have to learn the hard way!


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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> When my BIL flunked out his freshman or sophomore year from partying too much, his mom made him move back home and enroll in community college, and she watched him like a HAWK. She was on him every day, made him get a job, gave him a curfew. He straightened up, got his sh!t together, and re-enrolled as a full-time student a year or two later, and was on the dean's list every semester after that. His mom will do anything for her sons and she loves them with every ounce of her being, but she has no problem laying down the law if they **** up. Oy, if he ever cheated on my sister or did some stupid thing like that, his mom would be the first one on his case, grabbing his by the ear and asking him, "What the hell were you thinking?!?"
> 
> While at 18+, a person is technically and legally an adult. But don't underestimate the emotional power and influence a parent may have over their just-barely-adult child.


THIS!!! Oh FeministinPink, I can't tell you how long and hard I've dreamed of THIS very outcome. The parents crack down and he gets his sh*t together like this kid you mentioned. That's why the parents anger me MORE than the kids' choices do!!! And I've tactfully told DH as much! Both he and the mom were all angry when he flunked out, and yet the two people that I wanted to choke the worst were the both of them!!! It's like they can't see how they've failed him...and continue to fail him. Not that my choices have been all perfect, they certainly weren't. But I came to the marriage with a bit of a different set of values and standards, and I was often looked at as the "you think you're better than us" chick.

When he was in 7th grade, reading on a 5th grade reading level...who was the only person staying in touch with the teachers to make sure he got assessed regularly and the help he needed? Yup, yours truly. When his behavior veered off in middle and high school, who was the one that communicated with the teachers? Yours truly. When he was failing French in HS, I begged DH to get SS a tutor. I got ignored. The mom told DH back then that I was too hard on him and "she's pushing him away." But I knew I wasn't crazy when we got in family counseling, and the counselor said, you need to be bringing books home every day. If you have no homework, read ahead. SS did NONE of that...and DH didn't make him. (DH had primary custody ever since he and XW divorced when SS was 3/4ish.) When I questioned why he was being GIVEN a vehicle just because he turned 16...WITHOUT having to earn it, I was ignored. Why is he (Sophomore thru Senior year of HS) being allowed to hang out on Fri and Sat nights, yet has done no reading and no homework all week? I wasn't suggesting to deprive him of everything, but I practically begged DH to start tying the privileges to the responsibilities/accountability. I got ignored.

Yet, now he's drifted "away" anyway and shaping up to be a lil' flunkie who is lazy and wants something for nothing, and they're scratching their heads!!! XW had the audacity to text my H to say that she was done with her son...that he was "throwing his life away." I wanted to say, "he's just picking up where you left off. You threw him away years ago!" (Note: She abandoned their marriage and the kid when he was very young...and continued to spend his childhood years half-as*ing the poor kid...only occasionally showing up to his activities and important events.)

You are soooo right! Being 18 (or even 21 for that matter) does not automatically render one an adult! This young man is 20 and very much an overgrown child who STILL needs lots of guidance!!!

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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

Perhaps I should add to this story that SS got into some trouble in our hometown and had some little wanna-be gang bangers after him. Maybe DH and XW feel better with him being on campus because they know where he is and assume he's safe.

Still smells like BS to me. What if the girlfriend was their/our daughter? Would we sit back and sanction her moving her boyfriend into her dorm? He*l no!!! And neither do I think it's this chick's responsibility to babysit SS. He has several relatives in other states that would gladly take him in if they don't feel he's safe at home!!!

Excuses, excuses, excuses. Too many of today's kids suffering from LAPS!!! (Lazy-Arsed Parenting Syndrome!!!)


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

If SS's mom and dad were more involved when he was younger and clearly struggling, and hadn't left all the "work" to you, he might not need so much guiding now! Not minimizing your efforts, of course. Kids need guidance and boundaries; it shows them they are loved.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> If SS's mom and dad were more involved when he was younger and clearly struggling, and hadn't left all the "work" to you, he might not need so much guiding now! Not minimizing your efforts, of course. Kids need guidance and boundaries; it shows them they are loved.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


My sentiments exactly! Thanks FIP. I hope things work out for him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

pianobabe said:


> Ha! You'd think! Turns out that the housing department is quite aware of it...and have done absolutely NOTHING to stop them or send him home. So yeh, it disgusts me that the schools's standards are no better than these lovebirds of ours. SMDH...
> 
> Oh! And yes, this chick has at least one roommate. As I conveyed to DH and SS's mom...I'm not sure if I'm stuck in a time warp, but I wish to he*l one of my roommates would've tried moving a boyfriend in when I was in college. None of us would've tolerated that from any of the others.


I would suspect that her roommate will get tired of the live-in-boyfriend/free loader. Most college dorm rooms are not that big. I would suspect that this will happened sooner than later.

Who is paying for her dorm? Do her parents pay? Or is she funding her education through grants, scholarships and loans?

If her parents are funding it, then perhaps they could call the school housing and tell them that this is not what they are paying for.

Otherwise, the two are over 18. They will need to make their own mistakes and learn from them.

(I'm not condoning it. It's just reality in this day.)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

pianobabe said:


> Perhaps I should add to this story that SS got into some trouble in our hometown and had some little wanna-be gang bangers after him. Maybe DH and XW feel better with him being on campus because they know where he is and assume he's safe.
> 
> Still smells like BS to me. What if the girlfriend was their/our daughter? Would we sit back and sanction her moving her boyfriend into her dorm? He*l no!!! And neither do I think it's this chick's responsibility to babysit SS. He has several relatives in other states that would gladly take him in if they don't feel he's safe at home!!!
> 
> Excuses, excuses, excuses. Too many of today's kids suffering from LAPS!!! (Lazy-Arsed Parenting Syndrome!!!)


As a stepmother to two kids who were a handful (they are in their late 20's now), I'm going to give you some advice. Stop letting this kid's antics get to you. Just divorce yourself from him. He has a mother and father. Instead go do stuff that makes you feel better about yourself and your life.


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## In2thewoods (Jan 25, 2017)

While I wouldn't necessarily "divorce" my SS, it would be healthiest IMO if he was cut off from ALL financial assistance (phone, car, old school bills, health care, everything) if he's choosing an independent path. That doesnt mean no friendly chats and visits, it just means he wants to be independent from you (though all you adults know it won't help him in the long run)-- so let him feel what full independence feels like. 

You're the Smom though, so unfortunately you probably won't be listened to even if you are the only one making solid objective decisions. Whenever you feel anxious about him, pray and remember all the good things about you're relationship with him. Eventually he's going to grow up a bit and he's going to need encouragement and friendliness, not distance and resentment. Good luck!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> As a stepmother to two kids who were a handful (they are in their late 20's now), I'm going to give you some advice. Stop letting this kid's antics get to you. Just divorce yourself from him. He has a mother and father. Instead go do stuff that makes you feel better about yourself and your life.


YES!!!!!

Being a step-parent I have been told is hard, especially if the boy's father, mother, and girlfriend are all "enabling" bad behavior. 

The wanna be gang-bangers could be a "big deal." You really don't want him to move back home get shot or end up in jail and have his mother and father blame you rather than him.

The OP should let her feelings be known and then move on.


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## In2thewoods (Jan 25, 2017)

Not to be a stickler, but if it's a state school I would be a little ticked to realize my taxes were subsidizing non-students in dorms. Am I way off on this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In2thewoods said:


> While I wouldn't necessarily "divorce" my SS, it would be healthiest IMO if he was cut off from ALL financial assistance (phone, car, old school bills, health care, everything) if he's choosing an independent path. That doesnt mean no friendly chats and visits, it just means he wants to be independent from you (though all you adults know it won't help him in the long run)-- so let him feel what full independence feels like.
> 
> You're the Smom though, so unfortunately you probably won't be listened to even if you are the only one making solid objective decisions. Whenever you feel anxious about him, pray and remember all the good things about you're relationship with him. Eventually he's going to grow up a bit and he's going to need encouragement and friendliness, not distance and resentment. Good luck!


Ok, "divorce" might not have been the right word. My point is to emotionally pull back so that the OP does not get emotionally involved in the drama. She apparently has little to no say is what goes on with her stepson, so let it go.

I realize that there will with issues with her husband, like how much marital income/assets go to this kid. But other than the things she actually does have a say in, just let it go.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

pianobabe said:


> Ha! You'd think! Turns out that the housing department is quite aware of it...and have done absolutely NOTHING to stop them or send him home. So yeh, it disgusts me that the schools's standards are no better than these lovebirds of ours. SMDH...
> 
> Oh! And yes, this chick has at least one roommate. As I conveyed to DH and SS's mom...I'm not sure if I'm stuck in a time warp, but I wish to he*l one of my roommates would've tried moving a boyfriend in when I was in college. None of us would've tolerated that from any of the others.


I find it hard to believe the school would allow this. Nothing prevents other from letting anyone living in a dorm that is not student.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> I find it hard to believe the school would allow this. Nothing prevents other from letting anyone living in a dorm that is not student.


Yeah, my undergrad was hard-core about this, and if they caught wind that a non-student was living in the dorms, that student would have hell to pay.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, my undergrad was hard-core about this, and if they caught wind that a non-student was living in the dorms, that student would have hell to pay.


Maybe we are just not up with the times and flop housing on campus? :|


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Maybe we are just not up with the times and flop housing on campus? :|


Well, I work at a university... I'm certain that this is against the housing/dormitory rules/policies at my university. They're a little more lax with the undergrad apartments (which are upperclassmen only).

Granted, I work in a graduate division now, but I used to work in student affairs at the undergrad campus.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I work at a university... I'm certain that this is against the housing/dormitory rules/policies at my university. They're a little more lax with the undergrad apartments (which are upperclassmen only).
> 
> Granted, I work in a graduate division now, but I used to work in student affairs at the undergrad campus.


I guess on could get away with it if an RA is not alert to it and a roommate does not care.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> I guess on could get away with it if an RA is not alert to it and a roommate does not care.


One could, yes. At my university (both where I attended, and where I work now), everyone entering the dorm must swipe their student ID to gain access. It would be pretty difficult for someone who isn't student to "live" in the dorms (or the apartments, for that matter). Security would notice if one person was always being let it by a student, but never swiping in himself.

Mine is also an urban school, so they are very concerned and vigilant regarding interlopers and people who aren't members of the community.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> *Is anyone being harmed by the situation?* Is there a roommate?


Not yet.

The harm comes when the kindly star-struck young lady can no longer button her jeans, button her blouse.

The harm comes when looking down she cannot see her feet.

The harm comes when she cannot sleep on her stomach.

The harm comes when she cannot sleep. Someone is kicking her....from the inside.

The harm comes when she has two mouths to feed. One, a very small mouth and two, a mouth with a mustache above it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I would have tried to put a stop to this. His "habits" definitely were at least part of the cause to his flunking out. Why your DH, his mom and her mom would allow him to shack up in her room with her is beyond me. The colleges I attended had strict policies that would not allow anyone not attending to stay in the dorms unless they were married. Even then, you could only do this is select dorms not all of them. These two are headed for real trouble and their parents don't seem to care. It's really unfortunate that they don't see this as a problem.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

pianobabe said:


> EXACTLY! This is what pisses me off the worse. Here I am, the lonely stepparent (who, by the way, has fought harder over the years for his educational success than his parents have), and the adults in this equation are baffling me. SS can be kinda sassy to his mom, but he knows better than to buck at DH. My DH is the only person who could probably roll up to campus and tell him to go get his clothes, and get his arse in the car...and SS would do it. But nooooo...DH's take on this is that "it'll blow over...them playing house."
> 
> In my mind, I'm like the f**k it will! WHAT? WHEN? Like after they get careless, she's knocked up and they look up in 4-5 years and have 2 or 3 kids they don't want and can't afford? And neither of them have degrees cause they're both stuck working 2-3 minimum wage jobs to support said kids?
> 
> UGH!!!!


They will be sorry they did this when it's too late to do anything about it.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> When my BIL flunked out his freshman or sophomore year from partying too much, his mom made him move back home and enroll in community college, and she watched him like a HAWK. She was on him every day, made him get a job, gave him a curfew. He straightened up, got his sh!t together, and re-enrolled as a full-time student a year or two later, and was on the dean's list every semester after that. His mom will do anything for her sons and she loves them with every ounce of her being, but she has no problem laying down the law if they **** up. Oy, if he ever cheated on my sister or did some stupid thing like that, his mom would be the first one on his case, grabbing his by the ear and asking him, "What the hell were you thinking?!?"
> 
> While at 18+, a person is technically and legally an adult. But don't underestimate the emotional power and influence a parent may have over their just-barely-adult child.


This same exact thing happened to my daughter's friend. He went wild his first semester of freshman year, (ended up in the hospital from drinking too much), and his parents made him come home. A shame because he was going to a really good school. They made him enroll in the local community college and get a job. He straightened out and just recently transferred to another university to finish out his degree.

Getting back to the OP. While I understand that they are adults, if I'm paying for my kid's schooling then I get to have a say in how it's spent and I'm not paying for the deadbeat boyfriend's crash pad.


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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Not yet.
> 
> The harm comes when the kindly star-struck young lady can no longer button her jeans, button her blouse.
> 
> ...


EXACTLY!!! My sentiments exactly, SunCMars. And you would think that 2 people who made that very mistake would go OVERBOARD to ensure that their son was encouraged to do better. DH knocked up his then-girlfriend when she was 19 and he was in his early 20's. DH's mother (God rest her soul) allowed DH's then-girlfriend to come and live in MIL's home. Said girlfriend was often on bad terms with her own mother, so I guess DH's mom felt sorry for her. Sooooooo...she let her move in. And then, SS was their "oops!" DH did the 'right thing' and married her, only to soon find out that she wasn't marriage material. Other phallus appendages from the community were being allowed into the same slippery alcove that DH had assumed were for his exclusive enjoyment. NOT!!!

Long story short, she went on to have 2 more children by men she wasn't married to. (She married and divorced baby daddy #2, but baby daddy #3 was obviously a one-night stand...when she was well into her 30's and had had time to wake up.) AND! She's currently shacking up with another man...who isn't ANY of the children's daddy. So when I hear her complain that SS is throwing his life away...and how he's got all the opportunities in the world...and how she would've done so much better in life if she hadn't been knocked up at 19 with SS...

...the violin strings start playing in my head. And inside I say, 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' And I wonder why SHE can't see that!!!!

SMDH...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> I guess on could get away with it if an RA is not alert to it and a roommate does not care.


Or the RA is in it as well. This is exactly what happened in my dorm back then. A guy who was my TA broke his leg playing soccer, no insurance, so his girlfriend moved in the men's dorm for a month or two to take care of him. The RA was best buddy with the soccer guy, same country... 

As for the question, no freaking way.


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## pianobabe (Feb 9, 2017)

jb02157 said:


> I would have tried to put a stop to this. His "habits" definitely were at least part of the cause to his flunking out. Why your DH, his mom and her mom would allow him to shack up in her room with her is beyond me. The colleges I attended had strict policies that would not allow anyone not attending to stay in the dorms unless they were married. Even then, you could only do this is select dorms not all of them. These two are headed for real trouble and their parents don't seem to care. It's really unfortunate that they don't see this as a problem.


First, let me say THANKS again to all who took the time to read my rant...and subsequently comment on it. I truly appreciate all the feedback. I've been MIA a few days because the SHTF! There was another twist to this whole thing, that I didn't add because I wanted to get feedback on one piece at a time.

But jb here hit the nail on the head. And here's the update: I actually DID try to do something to stop this! I mean, I was so incredibly disgusted as I've spent years trying to stomach the results of their permissive parenting/guilt parenting. Even before I came here on TAM to vent, I sent an anonymous email to the housing staff and tipped them off to the fact that this girl was allowing her flunked-out boyfriend to camp out in the dorms. The email was from the perspective of a disgruntled student living in the same building.

I know. Not the brightest way to handle it. Especially since I used a not-so-flattering term to describe SS's mom. The night I sent the email, I was pissed off to the highest of pisstivity! Why? Because I suspected that the real reason why his mom drove him back to campus was so that SHE and her boyfriend wouldn't have to be bothered with him! DH and I were in the middle of moving, and SS would've had no choice but to live with them...at least for a while. I'd put in 7 or 8 years of quasi mothering (DH had primary custody), and OK, I admit it...I really didn't want to be bothered either. Not because he's a bad kid...but because he's a sneaky little liar and doesn't want to live by any rules. As I'd told DH...I don't care if he stays out all night on campus...he's absolutely NOT gonna be floating into our house at 3 and 4 a.m. Maybe I'm too old-fashioned, but I find that disrespectful. And too, after he brought all his things home from campus, it was all smoky. (He had taken up smoking pot.) So yeh, definitely a young man who needs his own place.

Anyway, back to the housing folks. So yeh, I hoped that they'd take the intel about SS's girlfriend and force said moocher-student out of the dorms. 

Epic fail!

You wanna know what they did with the info? They actually TOLD SS and his girlfriend what was said!!! Maybe they even forwarded them the email, or printed it out for them to read. How do I know? Well, long story short, DH and I traveled to campus to try to help SS get out of trouble in an unrelated situation (see mention of gangbangers above). During that visit, SS and DH were talking. DH was trying to talk some sense into him and tell him to get is ISHT together. SS got on the subject of how he can't trust anyone...including a particular cousin (also matriculating at this school) with whom he's been beefing for the last year or more. He told his dad (I was sitting right there) that someone had sent an email to housing and he felt like his cousin was behind it. (His wording led me to believe that he'd read this anonymous email with his own eyes.) He referred to the cousin as a "snake"...and, of course, I immediately felt rotten.

I might would've let it go and let them believe whatever, but this cousin is a good kid. His dad (DH's 1st cousin) had been instrumental in helping SS get out of the aim and focus of the gangbangers I mentioned. So I knew right off the bat that I'd have to find a way to confess. Let them know I was the mole...and that this cousin was not out to hurt SS like he presumed.

I had already confessed the whole thing to DH a few weeks ago. I told him why I did it...not to hurt SS but to actually help him. The GF was/is crippling him, and I was desperate for anything that would force him out from under her. (BTW, I never mentioned that this GF has pulled a knife on SS once and we've gotten reports that she hits him too.) When SS started smoking weed, GF made it her business to go report this to SS's mom. 

So last week, I sent a long confession email to DH, SS's mom (via email) and to GF's mom (via FB inbox msg). It was a link to a Google doc...one that I knew I wouldn't "share" for long. I removed the capability to download or print and only left it up for a couple of days.

GF's mom was not happy! She called DH the next day...whining about me jeopardizing her daughter's education...how her daughter was "not crippling" SS. She sent me a "we need to talk" response via FB, and I happily gave her my phone number. She called, and I missed her. I called back and she didn't answer. I haven't called again since, so we still have yet to "discuss." But DH gave me the rundown on what she said to him, so I pretty much know where she stands. 

I started to send SS and GF the same message, but I elected not to. It was really more of a tone and verbiage for adults and adult reasoning. Rather, I inbox'ed the two of them a different confession and apology on FB. SS was livid! He responded saying how dirty that was...and that the two of them got "fined" for him living with her. (Whoopdie-Doo! WTF good did it do for the college to fine them but he's still staying there?!?!) He said he was done with me and blocked me on FB. Basically cursed me out...talking about he never wanted or needed me in his life...how I'd never done sh*t for him...how he didn't see what his dad saw in me, blah, blah, blah...

I haven't heard from SS's mom...though she probably inboxed me to. Haven't checked. After dealing with GF's mom and SS's messages, I'd had enough.

Anyway, DH and I had a good conversation about it all. I asked him if I should've left well enough alone. He definitely felt like I should not have confessed to exposing them to housing. But he wasn't mad. He continues to believe that SS will eventually get himself together.

Like I said to the adults in the picture here...whatever fine they were assessed was nothing compared to the REAL COST of all these stupid decisions SS has been making lately.

Still, as someone here suggested in their post, I really need to stop back and disengage from SS's antics. If they don't care about how he ends up, why should I?

Problem is, I do care. Too much. And even after all this, I've backed off...but I don't know how to stop caring about what happens to him.

In the end, I guess I'm the evil stepmother in their eyes.

I shall write a book one day. "Stepparenting b.k.a. Taxation Without Representation!" :crying: :frown2::scratchhead:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Of course DH isn't mad. You actually got something done. You have bigger cajones than he does.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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