# talking about relationship to friends



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

men can answer this if they happen to read it too, just put it here as women tend to be the ones that are more open in expressing things about their relationships to friends... and also because I'd like to hear from fellow female perspectives. But like I said, men can post as well!

I tend to not like to talk about every detail of my relationships to friends... did not like doing this in my marriage, up until it got bad enough where I needed real help and I knew it was going to end. I like to keep problems private and between me and my significant other and don't like bashing them to those who know me, even when they really hurt me. However I have friends that will still disclose every detail of their marriages and everything the spouse does. 

However, it's been a long time since I've been in a new relationship, so I honestly cannot remember this transition. But I know that dating someone new will have me disclosing more details to friends then when I'm in a long term relationship. When you start dating someone, you are trying to figure them out. You tell your friends every detail and get their opinions, you ask them their interpretations of why he said this or didn't do this. But when do you cross that threshold where you should stop doing that? When you enter protective mode, and no longer wish to be so open about every detail because it is no longer a budding uncertain relationship? This is not meant as a "what is the right answer?!" type thread, as it is relative. I'm wanting to hear everyones' varying gages for that just for fun/out of curiosity. Is it when you decide to be exclusive? When you say I love you? Perhaps never for you because you like to be open with friends?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

When you want your significant other to be able to confide in you, then its important to stop sharing the intimate details of your relationship with others.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I don't talk much about my relationships, with my friends or anyone else. Nor do I analyze every conversation or detail each interaction, of even a new dating relationship, with my girlfriends. If friends ask, I will generally answer questions if the answers don't strike me as being particularly intimate - either physically or emotionally. So, I suppose I would have to answer your question with "never" because for me, there is really no point at which I switch from sharing details about a new dating relationship and not sharing about an established one. I just don't share all that much in either case. 

That said, I'm one of the only divorced women among my circle. I get questions like "What's it like to be with someone new?" or "Was sex with a new person weird after having been married so long?" To me, those aren't about any particular partner or relationship, but more in the realm of curiosity about me and my experiences. So, I'll discuss those things with close friends who ask, leaving the particulars relevant to any of my partners out of it.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I haven't shared too much with friends and kept the bad staff to myself, when things in general were still good. I did not think it was fair.

Once things got really bad, I had to go for support to my friends - very limited group of the long term friends,trusted women. I guess when you don't feel heard in your relationship you go outside and start looking for validation.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

With my girlfriends we speak about the crazy things our husband do. How they have handled certain situations with the kids or what they are doing now. None of my friends speak to each other about our sexual activities with our mates. Sex is private and you don't want people to know what you do in your bed. That is only your business.

If we have problems, we discuss it with each other. Not expecting our friends to solve our problems. After the fact, sometimes we speak about it to our close friends but just to hear opinions and feelings. If my husband and I had a fight, I never take my fight to my friends. You don't want people to know everything that is going on in your relationship. Because they are going to start having opinions on your relationship and start judging your spouse. Our friends are always going to take our sides, this can affect how they treat your spouse.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

gouge_away said:


> When you want your significant other to be able to confide in you, then its important to stop sharing the intimate details of your relationship with others.


wow, I really like that. I think that is a key threshold. Definitely what I was inquiring about!

And to the others that is more what I was getting at, not so much about sharing relationship details to others in general, which I know many a thread has been made here about. But more the transition from newly dating someone and being more open with friends about it, to making the relationship details more private as things get more serious. That's more what I was talking about


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Adeline said*: *But I know that dating someone new will have me disclosing more details to friends then when I'm in a long term relationship. When you start dating someone, you are trying to figure them out. You tell your friends every detail and get their opinions, you ask them their interpretations of why he said this or didn't do this. But when do you cross that threshold where you should stop doing that?*


 You explained that well.. yeah.. it's pretty common for GF's to openly share about a new man, someone they just met.. it can be exciting! .. but also we need to be cautious... careful... because really.... Love can be blind.. we can get loopy and see what we *want to see*.. dismissing red flags even... 

We want to know.. get some feedback.....are we reading too much into something he did.. or didn't do.... if there are any concerns to his behavior... It's comforting to get reassurance.. but also some constructive criticism along the way..

If he sounds like a Keeper...or too secretive, if he ______, if he ________... I feel all of this is well & good.. we need to be there for each other - to look out for each other's best interests ...that's what friends are for !!

But once the exclusiveness has been established on a firm foundation.. the intimacy has steadily grown.. with time has also grown Trust with this man before us... you won't find a need to go there.. because you are now openly sharing WITH HIM... you have his reassurance.. he has your back..you have his..

It's when things are shaky, we've been hurt.. wronged.... that we really need our GF's to be there for us...someone to spill our guts to ...everyone needs a little support...feeling connected to something bigger outside of our situation...this helps us get through our days..


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

We men talk about our relationships:

Man 1: I'm dating this new Chick.

Man 2: Nice. Did you tap it yet?

Man 1: **** yeah!

Man 2: Sweet!


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

MachoMcCoy said:


> We men talk about our relationships:
> 
> Man 1: I'm dating this new Chick.
> 
> ...


You left out the part where Man 2 asks, "did she let you put it in her ***?"

Not even joking, that's how it goes.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I think it's okay to do this on a limited basis, and only when you want a third party's view of something. Otherwise, places like this can help immensely.

The trick is to not divulge things that could potentially be embarrassing about your spouse, or that he/she would definitely not want someone else to know, or is otherwise private. Most of one's sex life falls into that category.


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