# Question For Woman About Orgasm



## Olorin (Jun 5, 2016)

My wife and I have been married for 25 years, and about 5 years ago she was treated for breast cancer and had a hysterectomy as a precautionary measure. I thank God daily that she is still with us. Prior to her cancer, we had been working to improve our sex life. She rarely if ever reported having an orgasm, and after her treatment, we redoubled our efforts to help her enjoy sex more. I have studied many internet sites (such as this), and based on my study I have drastically changed the way we have sex. I start by giving her at least a 20 - 30 minute coconut oil massage using a vibrator, during which time she is using another vibrator to 'warm herself up. (By the way, coconut oil is the best discovery of our sex life!) To cut to the chase, she now becomes more excited than she has ever been, but it often happens that her clitoris becomes so sensitive that she has to stop using the vibrator. It seems hard for her to get past this point and achieve orgasm (at least I think she is stopping before having orgasm). So, my question is how to help her push through the sensitivity to reach orgasm. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. I really want her to experience the same kind of pleasure that I do when we make love. She is a wonderful wife and mother, and to reiterate, I want to do whatever I can to help her enjoy sex as much as I do. Thanks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Try having her stop for a bit and do less stimulating things BEFORE she reaches the too sensitive to go further stage. Just back off enough to keep that from happening.

It's like getting via a staircase instead of straight up a steep hill. If that makes sense. I also find that gives much stronger orgasms as well.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Yea, I agree with Ele, try having her on top and when she is almost there or when she is feeling that she is working to get there then start using the vibrator. 

Or if she is too sensitive there then focus on other parts just to keep the feels ups. Slow things down and then rebuilt them . 

Good luck.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

Olorin said:


> I really want her to experience the same kind of pleasure that I do when we make love. She is a wonderful wife and mother, and to reiterate, I want to do whatever I can to help her enjoy sex as much as I do. Thanks.


I'm not a woman, so feel free to ignore me... Have you read the book "She comes first" ? I'm guessing not considering how focused you are on vibing her clit. You are over-stimulating the clit and I think you already know it. I think the massage and coconut oil are definitely a good start. But, you have to build anticipation for her. Maybe tie her down and blindfold her. That can help build suspense. Kiss and lick AROUND her clit. Gently suck her clit. Tease her with it. Also, I would strongly suggest buying a Womanizer. It is not a vibe, but rather a clit sucking device. It does a better job than I usually can do with my mouth. I highly recommend this. I would bring it out when she is blindfolded and build more suspense by not telling her what it is. Just tell her to relax. When she hears a new sound, being powerless to find out what it is, she might blow just from the anticipation. 

That's what I would do... Good Luck!


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Yes, what the others said!

Vibrators can be overstimulating and desensitizing. Use with discretion!

I love Elegirl's winding road analogy. The very best orgasms come not from consistent stimulation but from gradual and winding build up.


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## Olorin (Jun 5, 2016)

Hi. Thanks for the quick response; the staircase analogy is very helpful. My wife and I have indeed learned that vibrators can cause over-stimulation. I have not read 'She Comes First'; thanks for the tip. I will look up the 'Womanizer'. Again, many thanks for the help!


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

1. Use it more sparingly and take small breaks so it's not directly right on her clit the whole time. 

2. Try putting it on her clit, but then moving it say just above for a bit and then back again, or around it and back again. 

3. Also helps if you have a vibrator with a low setting. I don't use them but I presume one with a low setting exists.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

wild jade said:


> Vibrators can be overstimulating and desensitizing. Use with discretion!


Sometimes less is more.

Also don't forget the "mind" is the largest sex organ and some people can reach orgasm from thought alone without any physical stimulation. Just research "hands free orgasm" and you can find a few examples.


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## ym96 (Feb 2, 2016)

In my opinion, physical stimulation does it every time. Take a break from the vibrator and roll up your sleeves, basically.
You sound like a very caring husband, and I applaud you for trying so hard to make sure your wife is satisfied.

Sent from my LG-D850 using Tapatalk


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## Olorin (Jun 5, 2016)

Thanks again for all the helpful comments. We are going to vary our routine a bit by reducing the amount of time we use the vibrator. We have been using a 'Body Wand', which is essentially similar to the Hitachi; it is very, very powerful, although we have not ever used it at 'full power'. I also want to increase the amount of physical stimulation, probably by extending the massage time; she really, really enjoys that, and I am very glad to give it to her! I think we are also going to try a slightly less powerful vibrator; I am looking for something that is 'hands free' so we can embrace, kiss, etc. without having to worry about holding a vibrator in place. I have seen something called 'the Butterfly', which I believe is hands free. It has a remote so we can turn it on and off without having to adjust our position. Again, thanks to everyone here for providing me with suggestions. I do indeed love my wife very much, and want her to enjoy our love making as much as I do!


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Olorin, when I say keep it lite, I don't mean conversation. Like Jade said, vibrators can be overstimulating and desensitizing. Many men believe that women are like them in that more pressure, speed, etc., oftentimes feels better and get them there quicker. Not exactly true.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Look up "tantric sex"......


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Tease her clit more, not directly on it, but around it and occasionally over it. This helps to not overstimulate and build up a great O.

Have tons of fun >


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