# Lack of Desire



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

I have to wonder why a LD female who can have a orgasm each and every time she has sex.And has a very willing husband who will provide her with good sex.Still has very little interest in sex ???I could understand if it was not working for her.But when it appears that she rather enjoys herself and has several orgasms ,Why would she have so little desire???


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Just Wondering said:


> I have to wonder why a LD female who can have a orgasm each and every time she has sex.And has a very willing husband who will provide her with good sex.Still has very little interest in sex ???I could understand if it was not working for her.But when it appears that she rather enjoys herself and has several orgasms ,Why would she have so little desire???


My wife has at least one orgasm 99% of the time that we have sex. I am more than willing and capable of performing oral on her and foreplay as a whole. However, she has no desire. We are going on 13 weeks without it and before that, I was lucky if it happened more than once or twice a month.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You have already asked this question. Why don't you find your last thread with the same question and read those responses? It seems a waste of time to answer you since you don't really read the answers.


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## McMuffin (Dec 17, 2012)

Well, I didn't see the other thread, but my wife is like this too. Always loves it when it's happening, but getting her aroused hard as hell. 99% of the time she is buzzed pretty good, very rarely do we have sex when she is completely sober.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Just Wondering said:


> I have to wonder why a LD female who can have a orgasm each and every time she has sex.And has a very willing husband who will provide her with good sex.Still has very little interest in sex ???I could understand if it was not working for her.But when it appears that she rather enjoys herself and has several orgasms ,Why would she have so little desire???


Maybe the sex is still good, but he doesn't light her jets anymore and she can get her jets lit somewhere else. She likes the excitement and thrill of the "new".


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> You have already asked this question. Why don't you find your last thread with the same question and read those responses? It seems a waste of time to answer you since you don't really read the answers.


Miss Queen Bee of the boards, I really don't hang out here all day and every day of my life. I did not realize I have already asked this. If I did, I am still wondering the answer.Maybe you should try and spend more time improving your little fairy tale and over look this thread. If it troubles you so much ??? I did not find your reply helpful.I find you to have a sassy mouth on you. I am asking for help not your bitteriness


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I love my Sass-mouth, thank you very much. 

I have answered many of your threads in the past...have taken the time to construct specific answers for you, because I thought you would actually read them. When you don't bother to ever respond to the threads you start after a certain point it just gets me curious why you post the questions. I'm actually surprised you saw my response!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Desire for sex is independent of enjoying sex when you have it. Desire is a function of hormones and/or relationship quality.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I didn't know you may of posted this twice, but that doesn't matter to me.

My wifee also is a LD vanilla sex lady. When we do have sex, and she actually lets me give her oral with the vib at the same time, she loves it and orgasms. Doggie style, I'm in her and she is using the vib on herself and me, we both love it, when she is in the mood that is.

I don't understand it either. She enjoys the sex, vib when she actually uses it and oral, to orgasm most of the time, so why the lack of drive or interest?

Still trying to figure that one out......


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Desire for sex is independent of enjoying sex when you have it. Desire is a function of hormones and/or relationship quality.



This.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> Desire for sex is independent of enjoying sex when you have it. Desire is a function of hormones and/or relationship quality.


Ok I get the difference if you want to define it in to two different things..And yes there are people who have desire for sex,But aren't enjoying it???But when you have sex and its good between the two of you.Why is it that a L D Female would not return for more pleasure. I mean really all systems are good.But does not require any form of balance.


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> I didn't know you may of posted this twice, but that doesn't matter to me.
> 
> My wifee also is a LD vanilla sex lady. When we do have sex, and she actually lets me give her oral with the vib at the same time, she loves it and orgasms. Doggie style, I'm in her and she is using the vib on herself and me, we both love it, when she is in the mood that is.
> 
> ...


At my age I become forgetful of what I have said or ask for.Thanks,Ya the Female mind is very hard to understand in my life.There has been times when I buy my wife a new toy and tell her about it and I still have to wait 3-4 weeks before she asks were its at. She can never understand how I could have great sex on Saturday night and wake up Sunday and want it again,


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

If you find the answer let me know. I've been LD my whole life and have tried everything and anything to change. Whatever it is that people feel that makes them just need to have sex just is not in me. I have an orgasm probably 90% of the time if I'm trying, so I don't think enjoyment is connected to desire for me.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Just Wondering said:


> Ok I get the difference if you want to define it in to two different things..And yes there are people who  have desire for sex,But aren't enjoying it???But when you have sex and its good between the two of you.Why is it that a L D Female would not return for more pleasure. I mean really all systems are good.But does not require any form of balance.


If I had the answer to this not only would I "fix" millions of marriages where desire is lacking, I'd be fabulously wealthy and probably win the Nobel prize in medicine.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My wife loves it when we do it. Just doesn't want to do it very much. I don't understand it either.

But what I don't like, is that she doesn't care that it is very important to me. She knows that my mood and our relationship is much better when we are intimate regularily. 

Since she puts no effort into this (even knowing what she knows) it really makes me feel like I should move on. After 25 years of marriage, most of them feeling unwanted and unloved, I guess it is time.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

I don't think it's that hard to understand.

Do you eat your favorite food every single day?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

FrenchFry said:


> I don't think it's that hard to understand.
> 
> Do you eat your favorite food every single day?


But you do have to eat every day! Since we eat different food everyday, are you trying to say that we should have sex with a variety of people.

I don't get the analogy. 

It is hard to understand. It is hard to understand that if this is very important to your partner and is somewhat enjoyable to you, then you should make time for it. To put some effort into it. If you don't, you are really telling your partner that you don't care about them.

I have a feeling that if I was deathly ill, my wife would look after me. But when it comes to sex, she has no problem at all watching me die slowly.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

For the record, I'm MD but my husband is super HD. We are also huge foodies who watch what we eat and this is how I explained my feelings on sex to my husband.

I love chocolate and literally eat it every single day without getting tired of it. Most days I eat like a Fudgesicle or one of those low calorie goodies to satisfy my chocolate craving. I specifically make room in my caloric budget for chocolate at the expense of more breakfast, lunch and dinner, not to mention other snacks. 

I also have cheat days where I go all out and have a chocolate tower layer cake, chocolate chip cookies and chocolate ice cream and the next day still want to eat a chocolate bar of some sort. I have had chocolate almost every day since I turned 18 and I haven't gotten sick of it yet. 

My husband likes chocolate but doesn't love it. He eats low-carb most of the time and likes to save his carbs for the day on things like creamer in his coffee, salad dressings and starchier veggies. He'll take a little of my chocolate sometimes, but he generally doesn't feel like it's worth the carb sacrifice to eat it. If the chocolate in our house disappeared he'd wonder what was wrong with me, but wouldn't ever ask me "please go out and buy some more chocolate please," because it doesn't factor into his day to day food needs.

On his cheat days, he saves his appetite for the Chocolate tower cake and savors every single bite. He _loves_ that cake, takes his time in eating that slice and will get seconds if he can fit in inside of his stomach. But the next day he feels like he has a "carb hangover" and will abstain from chocolate for the next several days until he feels good about indulging in chocolate again.

The conclusion is that some people will do whatever it takes to get their chocolate fix (or have sex) and feel good about it and some people need the space to fully enjoy chocolate (or sex) without feeling overwhelmed or they don't have it as a larger priority within their other personal goals and don't see a huge need to put it in there, even if they really enjoy the flavor when it's there.


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> I don't think it's that hard to understand.
> 
> Do you eat your favorite food every single day?


No but if you like the food at a restaurant,Do you only eat there once a month.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

That was the second part. 

Absolutely. I *adore* Chipotle. I don't adore that my favorite burrito is 90% of my daily calories.

So I hold out and eat healthy all month until I have enough of a deficit that eating a burrito+ regular meals will not obliterate my body needs.

If I ate Chipotle every time I craved it, I'd be a)much larger b) not enjoy it like I do when I feel like I've "earned" it. The negatives outweigh the positives in my mind.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

FrenchFry said:


> For the record, I'm MD but my husband is super HD. We are also huge foodies who watch what we eat and this is how I explained my feelings on sex to my husband.
> 
> I love chocolate and literally eat it every single day without getting tired of it. Most days I eat like a Fudgesicle or one of those low calorie goodies to satisfy my chocolate craving. I specifically make room in my caloric budget for chocolate at the expense of more breakfast, lunch and dinner, not to mention other snacks.
> 
> ...


It is much more personal than this. I still don't get the analogy.

Sticking with your chocolate analogy though ....

What if your husband had all the chocolate in his possession. There was lots of chocolate at the store, but your husband won't allow you to get any. He controls the chocolate, knows how much you want it, but won't give you any.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

The analogy was more for me as a person with a lower drive to explain to my higher drived husband why even though I enjoy sex, I don't want it on the level he does, which is what this thread I thought was asking. 

So to take it back to the OP:



> I have to wonder why a LD female who can have a orgasm each and every time she has sex.And has a very willing husband who will provide her with good sex.Still has very little interest in sex ???I could understand if it was not working for her.But when it appears that she rather enjoys herself and has several orgasms ,Why would she have so little desire???


My husband is the LD for chocolate. He likes it, it's great when he eats it but either it's not worth it for him personally to eat it everyday or he likes it more when he can eat it as a special treat. That's how I (and possibly other LDs) feel about sex.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

Or to put it more succinctly:

Some people can eat their favorite food every single day and not get sick of it. Some people need a little distance to enjoy it. Some people prioritize their favorite food over all others, some only can save up for it.

I see both sides because I do both sides with food. I save up my enjoyment of Chipotle to make it worth it while prioritizing chocolate because I like it more.

For me, while I love sex and love orgasms, if I'm not in a good emotional place with my husband, sex is the "carb hangover" where it felt great doing it, but I have just a few too many regrets to just enjoy the orgasm as it comes. Do that a few too many times and I get to where I am with Chipotle--only good when I have the emotional reserves to not feel like ass after sex.

Orgasms don't fill that emotional void, no matter how good or how many there are and so while it's nice...if it's not coming from a good place, it's not something that is going to make me want more sex.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I don't get it and, frankly., I find it unfair that the easy orgasms aren't congruent with those that love sex.

However, I see this is a variance on the original question.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

It's totally unfair.

Orgasms have always been easy for me (partnered orgasms are getting ridiculously automatic now), being emotionally open enough for frequent sex is much harder.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Is there something out there, female viagra?

Is there a supplement that makes the ladies horny?


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

The food analogy was the one I was going to post, but since that's not working, let me see if I can hit it from another angle. 

I'm LD. My partner is on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. 
We have sex a couple of times a week... usually 3-4.

For me, sex is fun. I have the almighty orgasm every time. But it's just not the bonding experience for me that it is for him. It doesn't help me connect with him emotionally, and I don't *need* him sexually the way he needs me. 
Orgasms are also not that important to me. I wouldn't call what we have 'duty sex', but it's more about taking care of his needs than mine, and an orgasm is not a need for me.
So sex to me = birthday cake. Yes, it's fabulous, but why eat it every day?


Cuddling and watching a movie together, taking a shower together, having intellectual discussions with him over a nice dinner, etc. are MY needs and are the meat and potatoes of my soul. I crave his company like he craves sex. I want to be around him and with him and touching him, but not necessarily in a sexual way. 

It doesn't mean I do not desire him any less, but the desire is different.


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Well really what you offer is every man's wish sex 3-4 times a week a little cuddling,watching movies together,Hanging out together,Sounds to me like you got it going girl???


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> The food analogy was the one I was going to post, but since that's not working, let me see if I can hit it from another angle.
> 
> I'm LD. My partner is on the exact opposite end of the spectrum.
> We have sex a couple of times a week... usually 3-4.
> ...



You are the perfect role model as a LD spouse.

See, I've done the things that you like as a LD spouse but this still doesn't change my wife's LD. So I have stopped for the most part, what's the point if its not 50 / 50?


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