# How do move on, when he still tries to hold you near?



## Tanya08 (Jan 28, 2013)

I have been seperated for about 2 years. My ex calls and texts me everyday, and it's confusing to say the least. We no longer have sex, but have become friends. He asks me every weekend what I am doing, and wants to hang out. I have asked him why he has not filed, and he has no answer. He invites me and our daughter over for dinner every week. HELP......; we have been together for 17 years, and it's not that easy to let go.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

What are the reasons behind the separation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tanya08 (Jan 28, 2013)

Regga said:


> What are the reasons behind the separation?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tanya08 (Jan 28, 2013)

He left 2 years ago. We were going to marriage,consoling but stopped because he said I was the one with the problem. I had trust issues. He said I was always accusing him, so that means I must have cheated. Mid life,crisses,maby
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

sounds so much like my situation. H and I have not been seperated long. He has SAID he wants a divorce and to move out. He finally did, but still wants to text and talk with me, told me he still desires to be with me and could see us being intimate until we are 90 years old......H still refused to give our marriage another chance at least enough to move back in. MLC I am sure.


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## Tanya08 (Jan 28, 2013)

But at what point do you walk away. I mean for me, it's been 2 years. I love him, and I know he still loves me. But he has shut down. And I don't know how to convince him, that I have never cheated, and we could work it out. He says he has a hard time expressing his feelings, so I don't know what to feel.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Can you talk with each other about your desires and goals for your relationship? Have you tried a GOOD marriage counselor? Is there a possibility to re-kindle? Have you read NOT "Just Friends?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tanya08 (Jan 28, 2013)

I have tried to talk to him, but he never really opens up. I mean he wants to be a big part of my life, yet he can't seem to want to come home. We went to consuling for a while then he stopped, cause he said he didn't need it, I did. I know I had trust issues, and made him pay for those issues. But when we are around each other, it is like it always was. I never read that book... Maby I should???


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's probably time to tell him that either the two of you get back together and work on your relationship or YOU are going to file for divorce. Tell him that you cannot continue to live this way.

So far he's been calling all the shots. He has no reason to make that final decision to either file or get back together. He likes who things are right now. He has you and he has his freedom to do whatever he wants.

Do you know if he is seeing anyone else?

Once you have this talk, if he does not get back together with you, start interacting with him according to the 180 (see link below).



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## Tanya08 (Jan 28, 2013)

I don't believe he is seeing someone. My step son lives with him, and says all he does is lay in his room when he is not with me and our daughter( not that I ask, because I don't want to get the kids involved). But I guess he could be seeing someone. I know its time, but I just can't seem to cut all ties!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you are ok with things the way they are then just continue. 

My ex (son's father) has been married to a woman for about 10 years now. About 5 years ago they started the divorce proces and she moved out to her own home. Since then they stopped the divorce. Are still married but still live appart. They go on dates. Are together on holidays, vacations, etc. They just still live apart. It works for them.

But if you don't feel this is working for you, then you are going to have to find a way to put pressure on him to get back with you.

Is he helping you out financially?


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## Tanya08 (Jan 28, 2013)

He has faithfully payed. He is great about that..... But I need my husband back, or for him to leave me alone for good.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

If your trust issues are deep enough for you to recognize them, what are you doing to address them?
Sorry; all I'm doing here is asking questions! I feel like I'm getting popcorn, but no butter...love the details as they will color the black and white in. 
What were the things you two fought about? Or what did you WANT to fight about, but never did? How was marriage counseling working for YOU? What does your inner voice tell you about his desire to reconcile?


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