# Please help!!!!!



## dazed25 (Dec 30, 2010)

So i had posted before and git no replies. So i'm gonna try again. My H cheated on me with a married women and she got pregnant and had baby. She had her husband sign birth certificate and everything else having to do with baby. When i confronted her about cheating she claimed that her husband will be the babys father, but claims that the baby is my husbands. She also said she will not come after my husband as long as she is with her husband. Truthfully I dont think her husband knows she cheated. My question is if her husband had taking full responsibilty for this child, can she force my husband to take a pertanity test. And how long does she have to do this, we live in California. My thing is for now i have decided to stay and see if our marriage will work out for the sake of our family (we have 3 kids) and because i do love my husband. But i know there is no way i can stay if he has to (leagally) take a paternity and founds out this baby is his....Please advise i really need this.
Since Dec when this all came out my H nor I have had any contact with OW. And I really dont want any but also dont want a knock on my door 5 years from now claiming this child is his. Just want to protect my kids and myself


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

In most cases if the husband has agreed to be the father and unless your husband takes a legal recourse to prove paternity then the OW cannot ask your husband for any form of support. The real issue you face is when the child is of age and suspects the man they call their father is not, they find your husband there is then the impact on your children when they find they have a sibling. 

For the sake of the family you should ascertain if the OW's husband knows the truth, you can then consider your position. Not doing this will leave a cloud over your marriage, clear the air once and for all, speak to the husband yourself as he may either not know of the affair or he does and has made his own decision regarding the child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

I'm sorry you are going through this - I am going through a very similar thing and have the same questions and also do not know if I can stay with my H if the child is his. I wish I had some advice for you, I just wanted to let you know there is someone out there going through a similar thing and am here for support, venting, etc.


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## dazed25 (Dec 30, 2010)

Eli-zor thanks for the response I do understand that there will still be that cloud as to if and when the OW or child will look and try to find my husband that might be his father, but is it wrong for me to concentrate on my family right now and just let it go and let the OW do the footwork. I believe this child deserves to be loved by a man that is willing and wanting to be his father as this child has another sibling supposedly from this man (OW husband). Not to give excuses but the OW is immature and contradicts herself everytime I had talked to her, thats why I believe her husband has no idea of her cheating. My husband isnt the first man shes cheated on her husband with as rumor has it her first child may not be her husbands either. OW claims that her husband may not be the best husband but a good father to her kids, If thats the case shouldnt I just let it be and hope that she will stay away. I really dont know what to do anymore.
Snowy- yes this situation really sucks and hate the fact that this has happened. The reason I feel I can not stay with my H if and when the time comes and we find out this baby is his, is because I know I could not bare to deal with having to see OW and know that she will look at me with the fact that my H cheated on me with her and had a child!!! I can take care of myself financiallly and dont need my H for that, but I do love him and want to see if we can work it out. H has been going to counseling and we have also gone to a session together and it has helped. Still I too have tons of questions and also I am here if you need to vent!!!


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

I know just what you mean about having to see the OW - I can't stand the thought of it. We too are just beginning counseling. Thanks for the support and I hope you two are able to make positive progress and find that your relationship will be stronger then ever.


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## myhope (Dec 9, 2010)

i don't know anything about the legal side of it all, but i know i would not be able to move forward in my marrage with so many what-if situations still in play. if it were me (and i know you are not--so take it or leave it) i would want to have as much known as possable before deciding to work through the marrage recovery, or parting ways. the threat of the vindictive phone call or knock on the door would be a cloud that i could not ignore. 

the recovery proces is hard enough without a phantom threat.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

maybe I'm missing the point.

What difference is there between yes, he had an affair and had sex with this woman and yes, he had an affair, had sex with this woman and the baby is his? 

Is the degree of "badness" of the situation that much that you would go from staying together and working this out to a divorce because the baby is his? You can get over everything except the baby?

You would choose divorce over the stability of a family for your kids because of this?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

All I am going to say is this: I have a girlfriend who's hubby had a booty call with a girl. ( He wasn't married or involved with his now wife, so it wasn't anything to do with that). She became pregnant and said hey, I have a BF who is going to marry me and raise them as his own I don't want anything from you. 4 years later they broke up and she took him to court. (she had twins, BTW) The court gave her back child support and he pays the current child support as well. All of their tax returns go towards that back child support, etc. I am just saying financially, this could bite you in the a**. I don't know about California specifically, but that would be on my mind constantly. 

What if her H leaves her? Is that when she comes looking for your H??


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## dazed25 (Dec 30, 2010)

Thank you everyone for your input believe me i have thought about all the wht if's. And unfortunitly right now my feelings (being this is still fresh, the affair) are that yes if this baby is his, yes i am willing to walk away from my marriage. I know its not this childs fault and would never do anything to hurt this child, I have a step-daughter that i have raised since she was a baby. I just know I myself could not deal with another "baby momma" and the drama it will be with this OW, due to how this OW came into my life. Maybe I'm being selfish but thats how I feel and I know if there's drama then there's no stable family. 

I also sought leagal advice from a reputable family law lawyer: and he stated that since the OW is married and her husband has taking on the father role, he is leaglly responsible (financially and everything else) for this child due to the fact that they are married. Whether the OW and her husband stay together is irrelevant, that husband would have to physically give up all his rights as a parent and still my H would not be responsible. once again it may be selfish on my part but i am a little releaved that this is the case. 
Of course as time goes it will be a cloud hanging over me but I think Im might be willing to take that chance. Right now my main focus is my kids and my marriage. Writing this post really gets me to think is it really being selfish BUT dont i deserve to be selfish, why do I have to take into consideration how this child feels, if now he is getting the love from a man that wants and IS to him is his father. When do I get to say What about my Kids, they didnt ask for this either???? WOW never been in this situation and i hope my H really understands the dominoe affect his choices (and OW choices) have on our lives.


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## dazed25 (Dec 30, 2010)

Sorry about my mis-spelling, just looked at my post really bad.


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