# Has anyone forgave a husband for sleeping with a stripper?



## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

My husband got a hotel and brought a stripper to it after leaving the club. She was there 30 minutes. I want to forgive him but I know I will never forget it. I’m just wondering if anyone has had this happen and was able to forgive? How did you cope?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Why would you want to forgive that? Lord only knows how much money he wasted on her. He has bad taste.


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

He took $300 from the atm. Said he paid her $200 when she got to the hotel room. Kinda cheap sad and tacky if you ask me.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

That's just gross. There are better men than this.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Getting a STD from that stripper would be hard to forgive.
It seems strange that women don’t stick to online sex work... seems so much safer... and cleaner.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You may decide to stay and you may eventually forgive but you will never forget or trust him again. And you shouldn’t now that you know what he’s capable of.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

How did you find out? 🍿


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

Benbutton said:


> That's just gross. There are better men than this.


have 3 kids and


Benbutton said:


> That's just gross. There are better men than this.


i agree but i have been a stay at home mom for 4 years and have 3 kids. So I will be single for the next 18 years


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Getting a STD from that stripper would be hard to forgive.
> It seems strange that women don’t stick to online sex work... seems so much safer... and cleaner.


I got tested immediately after finding out. I am still awaiting the results


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

Openminded said:


> You may decide to stay and you may eventually forgive but you will never forget or trust him again. And you shouldn’t now that you know what he’s capable of.


Now when he tells me “I love you” “you are beautiful” the things he normally does I know he is 100% lying. He has zero respect from me. I do want to forgive and work through things but at the same time I feel he would respect the fact that I left him 10x more than me being a weak link and staying. I’m so confused right now


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

CharlieParker said:


> How did you find out? 🍿


Haha yes popcorn time. The night of he told me he was going to a pool hall with the boys. He called me around 12:30am while he went outside to smoke. He called me again at 3:30am and he was at a hotel. He admitted he went to the titty bar but he said it was terrible and was the worst one he’s ever been to. Said his friends left him, said they would come back but he told them to just stay since it was 30 minutes away and he got a hotel. He then FaceTimed me and he was alone. I believed him but I still was suspicious. Checked the phone records and nothing out of the ordinary. (I was out of state visiting family at the time) well when I got back I checked him phone...nothing. But I got to thinking real hard and it popped in my head to check his blocked numbers. There was one and I did some digging and it was a female. I stalked her stuff and found out she was a stripper. So at this point all I know is he got a strippers number. I figured for a return visit. I let it slide for a couple weeks but I finally broke and told him I knew. He came clean about everything. I told him to tell me exactly what happened with her and he did but what he said made it seem like only he got pleasure from it and not her and I don’t believe that. I just want to know why. We have a very healthy “nasty” sex life. Like there’s literally nothing else for him to want. Also I’m an attractive person and she is the complete opposite from what he likes


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He wanted “new”.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Kmc2019 said:


> have 3 kids and
> i agree but i have been a stay at home mom for 4 years and have 3 kids. So I will be single for the next 18 years


Soooo, you're going to stay with a man who overtly disrespects you, lies to you, cheats on you and exposes you to potentially deadly diseases because.... You're afraid of being single? You're afraid of having to get a job and support yourself? What?

Look the truth is that if you ever decide that you love yourself enough to leave, then you will. But as long as you're more afraid of being alone than you are of getting HIV from your asshat of a husband, you'll be right where you are.

By the way, not every divorced mom stays single until all the kids are out of the house. And it isn't as hard for a SAHM to find a job and support herself as you seem to think it is, especially since you've only been a SAHM for 4 years. If you had a job or career before kids, you can have one now. If you didn't, then you can get some education or skills training and find one now.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Kmc2019 said:


> *I just want to know why.* We have a very healthy “nasty” sex life. Like there’s literally nothing else for him to want. Also I’m an attractive person and she is the complete opposite from what he likes


Because he wanted to. And he could. 

That's it, nothing more. There's no great philosophical answer. There's no mysterious "why". He wanted to shag that stripper, so he got a hotel room and he did. 🤷‍♀️


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Kmc2019 said:


> Haha yes popcorn time. The night of he told me he was going to a pool hall with the boys. He called me around 12:30am while he went outside to smoke. He called me again at 3:30am and he was at a hotel. He admitted he went to the titty bar but he said it was terrible and was the worst one he’s ever been to. Said his friends left him, said they would come back but he told them to just stay since it was 30 minutes away and he got a hotel. He then FaceTimed me and he was alone. I believed him but I still was suspicious. Checked the phone records and nothing out of the ordinary. (I was out of state visiting family at the time) well when I got back I checked him phone...nothing. But I got to thinking real hard and it popped in my head to check his blocked numbers. There was one and I did some digging and it was a female. I stalked her stuff and found out she was a stripper. So at this point all I know is he got a strippers number. I figured for a return visit. I let it slide for a couple weeks but I finally broke and told him I knew. He came clean about everything. I told him to tell me exactly what happened with her and he did but what he said made it seem like only he got pleasure from it and not her and I don’t believe that. I just want to know why. We have a very healthy “nasty” sex life. Like there’s literally nothing else for him to want. Also I’m an attractive person and she is the complete opposite from what he likes


You can try to patch things up, but go in eyes wide open. You know he is capable to lying straight to your face. If I understand the timeline he faced timed you right after getting sexual gratified by a stripper and had no issue lying to you about it. He was probably still feeling the after effects of orgasm while talking to his wife and mother of his children. That says lying is no issue for him. And what are the odds that this was the first time?

The why is he wanted to and didn't have enough respect for you to control his urges.


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

Openminded said:


> He wanted “new”.


Well damn I want new too lol but I have 3 kids attached to me 24/7 and all the attractive men are taken


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Kmc2019 said:


> have 3 kids and
> 
> i agree but i have been a stay at home mom for 4 years and have 3 kids. So I will be single for the next 18 years


What you do is you insist he takes 50/50 custody and he'll have a lot less time to go around screwing strippers.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Kmc2019 said:


> have 3 kids and
> 
> i agree but i have been a stay at home mom for 4 years and have 3 kids. So I will be single for the next 18 years


Why would you be single for 18 years?
Does he regularly go to strip clubs?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

What's the difference between forgiving your husband for screwing a stripper or an anthropologist? Cheating is cheating in my book.

You make assumptions that aren't necessarily accurate. You could very well meet another man in the next 18 years. You could very well get a job. And, yes, you could very well work until you are completely exhausted and don't have anything more to give. But you would regain your self-respect.

What your husband basically did was trash the marriage just for a roll in the hay with a piece of ass. I suggest you ponder that for awhile ....


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

Kmc2019 said:


> Well damn I want new too lol but I have 3 kids attached to me 24/7 and all the attractive men are taken


Wanting new despite the fact that he has a healthy sex life at home means that you and the children did not cross his mind when he decided to call this stripper and pay her and have her in his hotel room, and THEN he had the guts to facetime you and lie to your face. I'm sure this scene has been playing in your mind a thousand times since he confessed. What I mean by this is that staying will be a nightmare because you lost respect and trust in this man, and it is hard to maintain a healthy family atmosphere after what happened. 
If you decide to divorce, you will have 50/50 custody of the children, and if you are a stay-at-home-mom, then he will have to pay child support AND spousal support, and then you can get a job as you won't have the kids 24/7 while preserving your sanity and dignity AND showing to your kids that you refuse to be a door mat to a cheater.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

She probably wasn't the first either.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Kmc2019 said:


> Well damn I want new too lol but I have 3 kids attached to me 24/7 and all the attractive men are taken


If you’re willing to pay someone you can get new just like he did.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Anastasia6 said:


> She probably wasn't the first either.


Or the last.


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Why would you be single for 18 years?
> Does he regularly go to strip clubs?


No. Last time before this was 3 years ago but I knew about it before hand. All the guys I knew where we were went also


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## Kmc2019 (Jun 15, 2021)

Openminded said:


> If you’re willing to pay someone you can get new just like he did.


Male stripped look gay to me 🤔 lol I’m not bad looking, someone would but I’m so picky about looks and all attractive men at this age are married!


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

You have to realize this is by no means a one time event, it’s the one time you caught him...

You can’t forgive what you don’t know.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Kmc2019 said:


> No. Last time before this was 3 years ago but I knew about it before hand. All the guys I knew where we were went also


The fact that he thinks it's ok to go to one is a big red flag for me, thats without the paying for sex.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than stay married to a man like that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Kmc2019 said:


> Male stripped look gay to me 🤔 lol I’m not bad looking, someone would but I’m so picky about looks and all attractive men at this age are married!


I guess that’s as good an excuse as any to stay.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I don't know if you live in the US but if you do, the norm is for the husband and wife to equally share custody of the children. You would each have them two and a half days through the week and then one day of the weekend and he would have to be responsible for their child care when he is working one way or the other. 

Having this sort of 50/50 joint custody would be best for you because you are going to have to get back into the workplace. So not having the children three and a half days a week would give you time to take some kind of job or train for a job. You will be responsible for child care whether it be using a friend or relative or paying for it and so will he. 

He does not get a break from child care just because he's employed and you should not think of it that way. I know your gut instinct is to take the kids and run but that's the stupidest thing you could do and it's not your call to do that. 

You need to go to a divorce attorney which will be a family law attorney tomorrow and start paperwork so that whatever money he spends going forward on things like prostitutes will come out of his part of the settlement when you divorce. 

Your marriage is either going to be over now because you initiate it or it's going to be over in the future because he does. He's definitely not going to stay with you if you are not having sex with him, which you would be crazy to do knowing that he's having sex with prostitutes. The resentment is there and it's going to erode the marriage this week or three years from now so you might as well get yourself prepared to get back into the workplace and to give him 50% custody of the children and let him grow up and learn how to be as much of a father as you are a mother and do his part. 

And meanwhile you're going to have to learn to support yourself. Not having the kids three and a half days a week will give you time to socialize except that you really need to be using that time to either work or preparing yourself for a career. Once you are in the workplace you will likely meet someone but that doesn't mean they'll be willing to just take care of you and your kids financially. Not too many people do that these days.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Kmc2019 said:


> Well damn I want new too lol but I have 3 kids attached to me 24/7 and all the attractive men are taken


Honey, I cannot tell you how many women I know who left a liar and cheater with anywhere from 2-9...yes, 9....kids and weren't single but for a minute before they found good men. Don't let fear of being alone cause you to waste years of your life and opportunities that you can't get back just to stay with the kind of dude that waits until you're out of town and has sex with a stripper.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

On scale of 1 to 10 how do you rate your own self esteem / confidence?

I’m guessing it must be low to allow someone to treat you like this...


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Yikes. 

As other posters have said - this is likely not the first time. He was pretty confident about pulling out the cash, arranging a hotel, and carrying on enough to Facetime you. Even if this was an isolated event, its pretty messed up.

Can you live with a partner you cant trust for the rest of your life? Forgiving isnt the issue here. Its continuing on with your life without daily intrusive thoughts. He robbed you of your peace, which is the worst thing you can do to someone you love. 

You mention you would remain single forever and that all of the attractive men are taken....but people get divorced and remarried frequently even with kids in the picture. That shouldn't be your reason to stay (fear of the unknown).


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Kmc2019 said:


> My husband got a hotel and brought a stripper to it after leaving the club. She was there 30 minutes. I want to forgive him but I know I will never forget it. I’m just wondering if anyone has had this happen and was able to forgive? How did you cope?


You can forgive, for your sake. Doesn't mean you have to stay with him. 

As for coping, it's basically like the grieving process. Painful, but you have to feel the pain to work through it. 

Sorry this happened. Take care of you and your kids.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Kmc2019 said:


> but I’m so picky about looks and all attractive men at this age are married!


And what do you do with a pretty face who's scr*wing someone else behind your back? 

I'd rather date someone not so attractive who's loyal and caring towards me. Looks fade, we all get old and wrinkly after all. 

I don't know about you, but my priority is to be with a good man. I don't care so much about looks.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

moulinyx said:


> Yikes.
> 
> As other posters have said - this is likely not the first time. He was pretty confident about pulling out the cash, arranging a hotel, and carrying on enough to Facetime you. Even if this was an isolated event, its pretty messed up.
> 
> ...


Plus many women would far rather be alone than with a man like this.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Kmc2019 said:


> have 3 kids and i agree but i have been a stay at home mom for 4 years and have 3 kids. So I will be single for the next 18 years


Bulldust.



Kmc2019 said:


> Now when he tells me “I love you” “you are beautiful” the things he normally does I know he is 100% lying. He has zero respect from me. I do want to forgive and work through things but at the same time I feel *he would respect the fact that I left him 10x more than me being a weak link and staying.* I’m so confused right now


Correct.

He's gross. Yuck. For every rat you see, there's 50 you don't. Remember that.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Kmc2019 said:


> Now when he tells me “I love you” “you are beautiful” the things he normally does* I know he is 100% lying.* *He has zero respect from me.* *I do want to forgive and work through things* but at the same time I feel h*e would respect the fact that I left him* 10x more than me being a weak link and staying. I’m so confused right now


Yes, you are conflicted. What he did was horrible. It could have been worse. I am glad you got tested for STD's, and I hope he did as well.

Since you have children, that complicates things. You have a choice. It is a choice that you should make after much soul searching. 

Sex with a stripper is a horrible betrayal of his marriage vows. However, it was likely a one time deal and she isn't going to try to get pregnant and make him leave his wife. Sex workers are better in that respect than someone who wants to steel your husband. In fact many strippers are "R-rated" prostitutes. By that I mean most will do lap dances, and not full intercourse within the place they work. Obviously, they got a hotel room, which makes the stripper's sex work a whole other level. I hope your husband knows that the only things she was after was his money and that she had absolutely no feelings for him. That makes him a pathetic "mark" to be taken advantage of.

Divorce him or get some marriage counseling for the two of you and set some very firm boundaries. Let him know that kind of behavior will not be tolerated. let him know that the money he spent on the hotel room and the stripper was money that could have been spent on his family, but wasn't. In most major cities, the police or various anti-sex trafficing non-profits run "John schools." These are courses where a police officer and some sex workers or former sex workers explain to those that hire prostitutes how horrible the lives of most prostitutes are and how horrible the "John" should feel about the situation he is putting women into. You might want to make him sign up for one of those schools either way; whether you want to stay or decide to divorce.

Good luck.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

FIRST lets give this woman her job title stripper/ ***** , she must not be a good ***** as she left her client go home thinking she did not enjoy it , as I believe that a ***** has to be good at flaking and she was cheap I would have expected she would have cost more . 

second you have done some very good detective work and if I WAS YOU I would set up as one, been 4 years out of work you need to get back into the work force so you are never in a possession of taking bad treatment from any man because you are dependent on him . 

your husband has a good sex life and has a woman that does more than her duty in bed as some would say, but even if you did twice as much it does not take away the thing that came into his mind the want to try wine once when he has whiskey 3 or 4 times a week . 

he said the sex lasted only a few min but deep down he was foolish and it does not matter if it was bad he went into it expecting it to be better and different and did not even find out what he was going to get foe his money .

can you forgive him i think it is more can you put it behind up , and for you and your kids i hope what ever you do is best for them , your husband made some very stupid mistakes as a father a husband and a lover , he went into a strip-club for me this would be out I could not see myself spending the price that french strip clubs charge for a drink even if it was just to see a sexy girl nude , 

second he paid for sex that I don't know what to think of , would I pay for sex , honest I have no idea as i can't afford to even if I could i might but there would have to be a lot of other things for me to pay for sex the very idea of been with a woman that 100s used before would be a big put off , 

what do you need to take out of this , I think this is the mot important part of the debate , 
you need first think about how this will affect your sex life for ever more and how you want it to affect it 
you need to think how you are going to change your life and how much your husband is willing to change his life and his social life with his workmates and if he puts you first in the years to come if you give him a chance ,
you need to look at your roll as wife mother and even lover mistress and what ever other rolls your used to fill , and wish to fill in the fetcher and how well you fill them ,
getting back into the work force would be important and he would have to step up to help out , his time as work mate would have to change as you can never again be happy knowing he should be home at x time and once he is 5 min late your going to be thinking of this time , 

he has changed you life and his own and the life of your kids , it is up to both you to rebuild or brake it but don't stay together for the kids as they will pay the price if your going to act as all is good and become sad or worse fighting couple , it is better to brake up if you think you can't get past it , and if you brake up your going to have to become a working mother so I would start there and if in the time your getting back to work if you have not started to get back on the road you think is good for you take the step of braking up then 

I wish you the best in what ever you do next


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I can’t imagine staying with a man who cheated with a cheap hooker because I was afraid I wouldn’t find an attractive enough man. Either you are finding reasons to take the easy route of doing nothing (which won’t be easy at all) or your priorities in a mate are a bit messed up.

Either way, I’m sorry for your situation. _hugs_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If he had to pay for it, he can't be all that attractive. Think about it. The guy has no standards and zero self respect. If he has no self respect, he certainly isn't going to respect you or your children.


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## JAHnonymous (Jun 17, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> FIRST lets give this woman her job title stripper/ *** , she must not be a good *** as she left her client go home thinking she did not enjoy it , as I believe that a *** has to be good at flaking and she was cheap I would have expected she would have cost more .
> 
> second you have done some very good detective work and if I WAS YOU I would set up as one, been 4 years out of work you need to get back into the work force so you are never in a possession of taking bad treatment from any man because you are dependent on him .
> 
> ...


Lmao at the fact that your first paragraph is rating the prostitute’s service lol!


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

JAHnonymous said:


> Lmao at the fact that your first paragraph is rating the prostitute’s service lol!


 if she can't fake it she mush not do it often ,lol even most house wifes know how to fake it


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> If he had to pay for it, he can't be all that attractive. Think about it. The guy has no standards and zero self respect. If he has no self respect, he certainly isn't going to respect you or your children.


It doesn’t have anything to do with a man’s attractiveness. Hollywood hunks, pro athletes, rock stars and big business tycoons get caught with sex workers all the time. 

They aren’t paying for sex because they have to. They are paying hookers because having sex without a relationship means more to them than the money.

As Julia Robert’s character in the movie Pretty Woman put it - men don’t pay hookers for sex - they pay them to leave. 

They are paying them to not have a relationship. 

That shows how much relationships are worth to them. 

That shows what kind of relationship/marriage material they really are.


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