# My story



## confusedne (Nov 27, 2011)

I have been reading your stories for some time now and I thought it was my time to write and thank you for the advice you have all posted. I suspected my husband of 15 years was up to something. Something changed and I couldn't put my finger on it. He had become very withdrawn and angry. He travels a lot for his job and has a very stressful job. He wouldn't talk to me or our daughter. When I asked him if he was happy in our marriage, he didn't answer. I knew something was up or someone was up. After reading all of your replies, I immediately installed EBlaster on his computer...nothng. I then installed it on his phone...still couldn't find anything. I talked him into seeing a doctor thinking maybe he was depressed. Doctor put him on prozac. He was just saying odd things like "maybe we should take a break" or "maybe I should find someone new"....ding, ding, ding...all signs of a cheater. I installed WIFI cameras around the house and a VAR in the car. I searched his office and found a cell phone charger..but not to his droid. I installed a GPS locator on his regular cell phone. I was going to get him and get him good. I went and spoke to an attorney to find out my rights and options. I had started a folder with everything I would need should I have to leave in a hurry. I had $3000 cash, a joint credit card that husband forgot about, birth cert, stock info and jewelry and his contract from work. He has a contract @ his work that also includes a morales clause that is air tight. That Saturday night we went out and had a good time...I was looking forward to having sex with him that evening. I was waiting and waiting upstairs and he never came. I thought he had fallen asleep on the couch so I tip toed down there and sure enough he was standing in the kitchen talking on a different cell phone. He immediately hung up and was looking scared. I tried to grab the phone from his hands but couldn't. He said he was trying to tell me for some time that he wants out and didn't want to live "this life." I said okay, then leave. No one is stopping you. He wouldn't tell me who it was, but I had my suspicions. He said it was a girl he met out of state and they only talked 4 or 5 times, I didnt believe this for a minute. So guess what? He left! It was midnight and he had no shoes on. I locked the door behind him and turned off the lights and went to bed. Around 2AM he was banging on the door that he was cold. I told him he could come in as long as he promises to be out of the house by 8AM and to never return. The next morning I woke him up at 7AM and told him it was time for him to pack up. He was in tears crying that I wasn't even trying to save our marriage and that I was just letting him go. I said I had had enough of the BS and lies and I was done. He said goodbye to our daughter and left.I did the no contact bit and it worked like a dream. He was very upset that I could just throw him out without even trying to work on things. I explained that I had nothing to say to him and we were through. That next night I slept so good. No more worrying about him sneaking around or wondering what he was doing. This lasted for 3 days and then he became suicidal. I told him he needed to call his parents and go to a hospital as there was nothing I could do for him. Long story short, he was gone for 3 weeks and my daughter missed him terribly. We agreed he could come back if he agreed to all of my terms about getting help and marriage counseling. I told him I was filing for separation regardless. He was back for three days and he just seemed sneaky. The neighbor knocked on my door one day and asked if my husband smoked? I said no, why? She said he was hiding something in the woods by our property line. I went racing over there and sure enough there was the "cell phone." I was ecstatic that I finally had it in my hands. I immediately tried to figure out the voicemail password..after a few trys I figured it out and there was a voice mail (from that woman I thought it was) telling him how much she loved him. I immediately forwarded the message to my phone and hid the phone in my shirt. I went running up to husband telling him I had to make a quick trip to my sisters to help her with the computer. I went to my sisters and downloaded everything off the phone to save to a pdf file. I had everything! I went back home and told my husband to listen to something I found. He sat there looking confused as I played the message from the woman. Dummy that he is, he says you don't know who that is...I immediately pushed 5 and it gave her name and the date and time she called. He told me it was from a while ago, but I don't care. It was an affair. He could have been fired from his contract for having an affair. He confessed his love for me and my daughter and that this was just someone different to talk to. He never expecting me to throw him out and he was shocked that I would do that. My agreement with him now is that I filed for separation and I would give our marriage one more try. We did our own agreement that the attorney helped me with. In our agreement he quit claimed the house to me, agreed to sign over his paycheck to me to handle all house finances and expenses of our daughter. After all money would be split. I get 50% of all future bonuses, pensions and social security. He was not to have any contact with this woman or I would tell his employer and play him the message and recordings from the VAR, as well as tell her husband. He signed this and we went down to the bank and had it notarized. This was three weeks ago and I'm sitting her tonight and just realized that I just don't like him anymore. The trust is gone and I don't think I want it to be rebuilt. MC is making me sick and I just can't contribute. He's a liar and cheater. I thought your husband was suppose to be your best friend? He's not my husband, as a husband wouldn't do this to someone he loved, he's not my friend as he stabbed me in the back and lied to me. So what is he to me? He's a stranger living in the house until we go to court. I just wanted to thank you all for the info on catching a cheater. I did everything and now I am helping friends of mine do all of their computer/phone stuff. Technology is great at catching cheaters!!!!!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You seem to be handling the situation well.

Secure your evidence and documents so that your husband does not find them.

So, what's your plan now?


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## confusedne (Nov 27, 2011)

Everything is in a safe deposit box at the bank. He knows I have the records, which is why/how I got him to sign everything over to me. I'm a stay at home mom so being financially okay was important to me from the get go. If by the time the separation is granted (march) he said he would leave if I decide I no longer want anything to do with him. I keep asking him to go live with the other woman, but he says he doesn't want to and doesn't like her like that. He said it was just someone to talk to. I dont' get it, why would a husband lose his house, family, and paycheck over someone to talk to?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Read information about why spouses cheat, types of cheating and how the type of cheating effects his/her future behavior. 

He seems to be emotionally involved with this women and will find it hard to stay away from her. He may go back to her repeatedly in spite of the consequences because his is addicted.

So if you want to have him back you have maybe a 2 year roller coster ride ahead and the outcome is not assured. 

Cheaters lie lie lie. He is talking a good talk but he is not doing the things that a truly repentant spouse does. Affair has probably gone underground based on his continued concealment after you discovery. I would not believe him when he says is over her. Keep up surveillance.

He probably signed over everything out of guilt that he is still having the affair. I think it is too soon to decide what to do because you don't have all of the info. There is a lot more there than you know now.

It may be good to show the evidence to the OW husband. There could be two out comes - she leaves her husband and your husband stays in the relationship or with exposure she decides to stay with her husband. Many times reality stops the affair. 

Infidelity Support - Infidelity Forums


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## confusedne (Nov 27, 2011)

Our legal separation is sill a few months away and for now I've agreed to try and R until the court date. I know many of you say how much you love your husbands and how much you want it to work out. I feel like I really just don't like this person. It's so hard to be around him and keep my mouth shut. I just don't like him as a person and have no emotional feelings towards him. He is not someone I would choose to hang out with on a Friday night or call with my personal thoughts. I have told him all of this and he keeps hoping that the spark will come back. Have any of you ever felt like this?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I tried to read your huge paragraph but couldn't finish - can you break it up so it's a bit more readable? I am interested to read the ending.


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