# Anyone else think it's strange?



## Simcha (Jul 14, 2012)

My X and I have been officially divorced since 06/13. Six months after she filed for divorce (07/12), she started seeing someone. She soon started bringing the bf around our two boys, 9 and 5.

Recently the new bf moved 30 miles and now lives less than 1 mile from X. Its apparent that they spend a lot of time together. 
What I find strange is that she and my oldest boy, call the bf's house the "lake house" and not "Y's house". (Y = bf's name).

I find this extremely strange. She is having severe financial issues, so I suspect its a matter of time before she slithers into the "lake house", and moves in, boys in tow. 

I have 50% custody so the boys have a home with me. However, if its how I suspect, I fear that its a matter of time before she shows her true colors and she finds herself out on the curb (with our two sons).


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Simcha said:


> My X and I have been officially divorced since 06/13. Six months after she filed for divorce (07/12), she started seeing someone. She soon started bringing the bf around our two boys, 9 and 5.
> 
> Recently the new bf moved 30 miles and now lives less than 1 mile from X. Its apparent that they spend a lot of time together.
> What I find strange is that she and my oldest boy, call the bf's house the "lake house" and not "Y's house". (Y = bf's name).
> ...


Dude, I don't get what your thinking here. No reason to play games here.. Just tell us what you think is going on..


Did you ask your oldest what he means about the lake house ?
Did you ask him if he has another home ?

If she ends up on the street, the great thing is you can have the kids come live with you and stop any child support for that time if you are paying any.. 

As a side note you need to work on getting over her. Go to therapy if you aren't.. 

Trust me I know its hard.. I'm in that mode as well to some degree. I just don't give a sh1t what happens to my Ex. But then again my kids are with me so its a different story. 

But lets hope she falls on her a$$ and the kids end up with you. They might not want to go and be in a more stable home..


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Ditto ^

That's pretty common here to refer to a place at the lake as 'the lake house'.

But it sounds more as if the familiarity of it is what bothers you. That is, when they reference "the lake house" it's more personal than "Y's House" as if they have a sense of home or ownership as if it's an extension of their mother's home.

To Hard to Handle's point - why does it matter? You see to be overly concerned with what your ex is doing. If she moves in due to financial issues and her relationship crumbles, I agree this really only benefit you as you are there to offer up a home to the boys while she gets her act together.


----------



## Simcha (Jul 14, 2012)

The reason I am concerned is because she has moved our two boys from house to house to house, three times in the last 12 months. I am confident that the boys feel a sense of security with me but I cannot say the same for my X. I am concerned for their mental state. Children want to feel safe and want stability, especially children going through divorce.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what's your question? Is it strange that they call it the lake house? Not if it's beside a lake. Is it strange that he's moved3 times in the last year? Not really, especially if she's struggling financially. Is it healthy for the kids? Probably not, but what are you going to do about it? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Simcha said:


> The reason I am concerned is because she has moved our two boys from house to house to house, three times in the last 12 months. I am confident that the boys feel a sense of security with me but I cannot say the same for my X. I am concerned for their mental state. Children want to feel safe and want stability, especially children going through divorce.


Welcome to divorce. It causes more problems then is usually solves. It messes up the kids. 

You need to figure out how to give your children the stability they need when they are with you.


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Simcha said:


> The reason I am concerned is because she has moved our two boys from house to house to house, three times in the last 12 months. I am confident that the boys feel a sense of security with me but I cannot say the same for my X. I am concerned for their mental state. Children want to feel safe and want stability, especially children going through divorce.


Until and unless your boys complain about it to you, stop worrying about it. Your only interest is if they feel safe with you. If they do and there no evidence of neglect or abuse when they are with your X, then the details of how she parents them is no concern of yours.

Let it go. You are expending energy on worrying about this... Energy that would be better spent being a solid, steady, reliable father to your sons.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Simcha said:


> She is having severe financial issues, so I suspect its a matter of time before she slithers into the "lake house", and moves in, boys in tow.
> 
> However, if its how I suspect, I fear that its a matter of time before she shows her true colors and she finds herself out on the curb (with our two sons).


No it's not strange that they call a house that's by a lake a "lake house".

What I find strange is that you seem to have a crystal ball. You may speculate as to what she may or may not do but you don't know for sure.

In divorce I've seen so many people try to predict what will or won't happen to their ex's and sometimes they are right and sometimes they are wrong. You just never know. The only people you have control over is you and your boys (when they are with you.) The rest? Let it go.


----------



## Simcha (Jul 14, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> What I find strange is that you seem to have a crystal ball.
> 
> My "crystal ball" comes in the form of past behavior. "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" Albert Ellis


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

All you can control is your time with them. What she does with them is out of your control and there is no point in worrying about it. You can't change it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

And moving in and of itself is not problematic. In fact, it may make them flexible and resilient. It really depends on the kids and how it is handled. Let their comfort level and behavior be your guide. Don't make up stuff to be concerned about. 

So your crystal ball shows she was what in the past? Irresponsible? Therefore she will continue to be? Maybe so, but again - how is this affecting the kids? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Are their basic needs met? Does she neglect them in any way? If your answers are "yes" and "no" respectively, then let it go. What we see as unstable kids often see as adventurous. You can't determine how the kids feel and respond to things if you are focused on your XW.


----------



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

It would be so much easier if the one who left would just be bad, but that usually isn't true. They may have made some choices we don't agree with, we wish we could change, but they don't need to be all bad, in order for us to be ok. It took me a long time to learn that, and I am still working on it. Just because he left me, doesn't mean there is everything wrong with me or him


----------

