# Too much of a Mama's boy?



## Cams (Jun 3, 2009)

This may be me dealing with my own insecurities but I have a question about wether my fiance is too much of a mama's boy or if he is just a good son.

I didn't notice it until he moved here from NC (where his family lives) to MD (where I live) this past January. He moved here for me which is amazing...so we could be together. We had some tension for a while because he missed home etc but mostly things have been going well.

I have just been noticing things these past months regarding him and his mother's relationship.
1) His mom (or he does depending) calls at least every other day. Its never a long conversation but its still checking in, etc. For some reason it bothers me. Should it though? B/c when I mention it in passing my fiance gets slightly defensive and says its just how their relationship is and that I shouldn't get annoyed or jealous over it.
2) When we go to visit his family his mom asks him to call when he leaves, during the trip sometime, and if we are returnin home from visiting them...when he gets home. I don't know about others, but usually I'll call home to let them know when I get some place safe...but three times?
3) I know he misses home, but he jumps at any chance to go back home. Its usually when his mom mentions he should come home...at least...thats what Ive gotten from it. For instance, he went home three times last month. Once for mother's day, another for his bday, and then for his grandma's bday (ps his parents paid for him to get home every single time...which also is like...umm...) I don't mind him going home! In fact I went with him two of those times. I am just wondering if this may be a trend each month. Now this month he is planning on going home twice...once to make up for father's day he will be missing and another just to visit friends (but stay at his family's to "say hi"). I try to mention that its a lot of traveling and we should slow down and maybe go to his house maybe once a month. He is 23 yrs old, we are getting married....is jumping at the chance to go home (most def for his mom) more than once a month not normal or him just being a normal son? When we get married I don't want to be going to his parents three times a month...let alone more than once..or even every month.
4) His mom has a lot of opinions about everything. My fiance listens to her and a lot of times tells me "my mom thinks..etc". For instance, our wedding date. She thinks itd be best for us to wait until next year bc of money etc. My fiance pretty much agreed with her off the bat. I had no chance against the both of them. My fiance argues that she is older and more wise and we should listen to her. I agree in some ways. I just don't want him to agree with his mom everytime she has a certain opinion on something in our lives. I want him to consider my opinion first.
5) He just seems to talk about his mom a good deal. "my mom this..my mom that..." Not constantly, but frequently. He has started talking about her less, bc I talked with him a couple times about it. It bothers me still bc now I feel like he wants to mention her still all the time, but doesnt bc he doesnt want me to nag him about it. Along with that he doesnt tell me anymore when his mom calls...or he hides it and calls her when i'm not around. I don't want that...makes me feel out of the loop. Almost like him and his mom have this secret/exclusive relationship I can't be cued in on.
6) He loves his mother's cooking. Its nothing fancy...she's not a chef...so I am sure I can learn to cook things he will like. He mentions a lot "I love my mom's ___" or "I don't like any but my mom's ___" I sometimes say.."ok then I will make sure to not make it then, but he responds with "No, just make my mom's recipe". I'm nervous about making him happy with my cooking when he loves his mom's special way so much.

There are a few other little things I notice, but I won't list them. Its just...I want to be his number one woman. He tells me I am and that of course I am first, but sometimes I notice things that make me think...maybe he wants me to be first, but the truth is his mom is (?). I know he adores his mother which is ok. I just want to be the one he adores first...I will be his wife. I want to be first...not second to his mom. Sometimes I feel like the chord has just not been fully cut yet...and I want it to be...I am independent of my family (even though I still love them so much). 

Maybe I have issues of my own...insecurities which lead to jealousy and lead to me overthinking things. I am sure my own issues play a part, but I am looking for advice. I want my man to have a good relationship with his mom...but where is the line drawn? When should I step back and not be uneasy or jealous about the time he spends on his mother. 

I love my fiance sooo much. He really takes care of me and looks out for me. He shows me in many many ways...moving here, etc. 

Maybe I have nothing to worry about.......


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

so he pays to do this travel 2 to 3 times a month?
over time that would be expensive !!!.. and what kind of job does he have that will aloow him to travel to see family that often?

he sounds like he sure could be a mommas boy.... looks like your going to have to sit down and have a serious talk with yourself and how you feel about his mother in your life because it looks like she will be not only in your life but a major influence over your husband and the marriage.

I take it his mother is single, divorced or widowed?


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## Cams (Jun 3, 2009)

I forgot to mention he is the middle child with four sisters...that may play a part in how he relates to women. Also, how his mom is attached to him..being that he is her only son. Yayyy. haha.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

You have to do whats right for you

but a guy like that would not be of interest to me. I would not marry someone who acted like that. He is not a man yet.. still a boy and the thing is, he may always be !!!


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## Cams (Jun 3, 2009)

preso said:


> so he pays to do this travel 2 to 3 times a month?
> over time that would be expensive !!!.. and what kind of job does he have that will aloow him to travel to see family that often?
> 
> he sounds like he sure could be a mommas boy.... looks like your going to have to sit down and have a serious talk with yourself and how you feel about his mother in your life because it looks like she will be not only in your life but a major influence over your husband and the marriage.
> ...


Actually, she is still married. His dad works a lot and is out of the house a good deal. They have been married a long time too...his mom doesn't show him a lot of affection (in public anyways).


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

Cams, 

You have to understand that it is very hard for someone that has been there for you fiance for 23+ years and expect him to cut all ties with her. Especially it being his mother. Sounds like your fiance has a very good relationship with his mother that most of us dream of. No one will ever replace mom, so don't try to. You will be his wife and his mom will always be his mother. 

You are right though, once married you should be the number 1 women in his life. 

Give him some time, let him know how you feel but don't make him feel guilty about wanting to see or talk to his mom. You mentioned that he has already demonstrated to you in many ways that he loves you and makes you feel special. A lot of that is probably because he really understands women, being that he grew up in a household of women, again most of us dream of that. 

Some may disagree, but that's my advice.

Good Luck to you.


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## Cams (Jun 3, 2009)

vasmar said:


> Cams,
> 
> You have to understand that it is very hard for someone that has been there for you fiance for 23+ years and expect him to cut all ties with her. Especially it being his mother. Sounds like your fiance has a very good relationship with his mother that most of us dream of. No one will ever replace mom, so don't try to. You will be his wife and his mom will always be his mother.
> 
> ...


Very good advice . Thank you. I DO NOT want him to cut all ties. I like his mom...in many ways we are similar...I just don't want to worry anymore...or in the future about him putting her first.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

You could be posting that he as an alcoholic, pedo, gambler, meth head, porn addict..god knows what else. So he's close to his mom, big deal.


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## tdr64am (May 2, 2009)

Often (not always), guys who are good the their moms are good to their wives. So long as he puts you first, how he treats his mother speaks well of him, and will set a good example for any children you have. And you will be the benficiary of that.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

I'll bottom line this for you. He's not going to change his relationship with his mother momma's boy or not. If you can live with his closeness with his mother fine but if it bothers you move on now. Arguing with him about it won't matter. He'll end up resenting you for bringing it up. Good Luck.


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## Cams (Jun 3, 2009)

thanks for all the advice!


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## Cams (Jun 3, 2009)

tdr64am said:


> Often (not always), guys who are good the their moms are good to their wives. So long as he puts you first, how he treats his mother speaks well of him, and will set a good example for any children you have. And you will be the benficiary of that.


good point. he is good to me.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Cams said:


> I forgot to mention he is the middle child with four sisters...that may play a part in how he relates to women. Also, how his mom is attached to him..being that he is her only son. Yayyy. haha.



yeah he may have developed some ovaries being around all them women for so long...
with his father not being around even more so.

I know a guy who is all involved with his mom, at least he never married. He is around age 60 now.. still talks to his mom every day
and I notice he eats like an old woman too, talking to me about yogurt and soy milk.. lol:lol:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

ugh...I eat yogurt, I like it...but hate soy milk! Prefer chocolate milk!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

martino said:


> You could be posting that he as an alcoholic, pedo, gambler, meth head, porn addict..god knows what else. So he's close to his mom, big deal.


in case you don't know...
Momas boys are just as bad as any of those and one type of man most women actually try to avoid.


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## archstanton (Jun 5, 2009)

He's good to his mother so he obviously hung around too many ovaries huh? This is why they world sucks. One of the few good men who knows how to honor women and he gets dissed. Sounds like jealousy. Some people don't have the honor of having people treat them right. Yo Cams - if he is the man for you, don't let some of these ignorant comments make you think twice.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

archstanton said:


> He's good to his mother so he obviously hung around too many ovaries huh? This is why they world sucks. One of the few good men who knows how to honor women and he gets dissed. Sounds like jealousy. Some people don't have the honor of having people treat them right. Yo Cams - if he is the man for you, don't let some of these ignorant comments make you think twice.


you think his behavior is man like ?

thats actually hilarious !:lol:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

archstanton said:


> He's good to his mother so he obviously hung around too many ovaries huh? This is why they world sucks. One of the few good men who knows how to honor women and he gets dissed. Sounds like jealousy. Some people don't have the honor of having people treat them right. Yo Cams - if he is the man for you, don't let some of these ignorant comments make you think twice.


Ignorant comments?!? Try reading a few more posts! With only 3 of yours...you haven't read this forum enough to have any kind of a valid opinion. 

I lurked here for a long before my initial post. Getting the lay of the land, as it were. I'd strongly suggest you read a LOT more before your next post! 

Yes, the guy DID hang around too many ovaries. He's still affected by them. That's the problem...he doesn't know how to live as a man! 

How do you define "honor" of a woman? Letting your mother make your decisions? Letting her choose your underwear? Having her make your meals? Doing your laundry? 

Dang, dude! Grow up yourself! So fu.king pis.es me off at these kind of attitudes/people!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Ignorant comments?!? Try reading a few more posts! With only 3 of yours...you haven't read this forum enough to have any kind of a valid opinion.
> 
> I lurked here for a long before my initial post. Getting the lay of the land, as it were. I'd strongly suggest you read a LOT more before your next post!
> 
> ...



:iagree:
he's not a man at all, just a big boy. My 16 year old step son is more mature than that !!! He leaves his momma all summer and goes to work on his grandparents farm in another state !!! he has been doing this since he was 13.

does he call his mother or father everyday during the summers? hell no...
but when he comes home he says he worked hard and has a few thousand dollars. This is why at 16 he was able to buy a new car. My 16 year old step son is more grown up than he is !


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