# Why women cheat...



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

https://www.thecut.com/2017/09/why-women-cheat-esther-perel-state-of-affairs.html

Well, now we know. It's because they are entitled to and it saves their marriage! I wonder how these women would feel if it was their husband doing the cheating?


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

=/ Oh, ChumpLady mentioned Esther Perel's BS a couple days ago. Don't believe the hype.

https://www.chumplady.com/2017/09/ubt-esther-perels-happy-people-cheat/


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It is a slow process, this incremental societal nudging.

When nudged, many men readily roll down hill.

Women on the other hand, need first, a grudge whispered in her ear; telling her she is unhappy and foolish.

That true happiness in Life is freedom.
True happiness in Marriage, is freedom to roam.
Roam outside the fence.

Seeking financial security with one man.
Seeking sexual security with men outside the fence.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Yep.... I think I'll go buy a hooker - I can tell my wife it's "the power of pragmatism".....



SunCMars said:


> Seeking financial security with one man.
> Seeking sexual security with men outside the fence.


Yep. I'll also tell her that it's more "pragmatic" for me to just hire a hooker. It costs a hell of a lot less, the sex will be a hell of a lot better and a hell of a lot more frequent, on less money.,

My financial security will be tripled without paying her bills in return for nothing.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

From article:

There is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.
“I think there’s an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor,” said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. “And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.” No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, “these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they’re relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there’s no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way.”

.....

I'm not sure that the AP is gonna be washing dishes for her either. This makes little sense. 
Resentment I get. Is she suggesting they are trying to get back at their husbands?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> From article:
> 
> There is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.
> “I think there’s an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor,” said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. “And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.” No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, “these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they’re relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there’s no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way.”
> ...


I too don't understand how infidelity in any way eases the pressure of having family/marriage responsibilities. I don't see how cheating alleviates those responsibilities or even makes them more bearable? Many times, these feelings of being overwhelmed are felt by both spouses. I just don't understand this mentality.

In reality, I think it comes down to a change in mentality/outlook. So many people today go into marriage, and life in general, looking at only the "what can it do for ME" mentality. She says in her article that in years past, women would just put up with it or get a divorce. Could it be that women of earlier generations just weren't as selfish? Perhaps they spent their time working on the marriage and communicating these feelings rather than just going out and having an affair?

Okay, so if the wife does a little more than the husband, can she communicate that problem and work it out?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

TJW said:


> Yep.... I think I'll go buy a hooker - I can tell my wife it's "the power of pragmatism".....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Cynical and exaggerated...yet just enough truth to not completely discount.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> From article:
> 
> There is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.
> “I think there’s an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor,” said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. “And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.” No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, “these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they’re relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there’s no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way.”
> ...


QFT.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> From article:
> 
> There is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.
> “I think there’s an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor,” said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. “And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.” No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, “these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they’re relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there’s no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way.”
> ...


So you are saying women are justified when they cheat. Nice to know. 

Because I would have sworn it was lack of character and morals for both men and women who cheat.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Why is it for some on here that it is always the husbands fault. It doesn't matter if the husband is cheating or cheated on the guy is always at fault.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

^That is a quote from the article. My words are just the ones at the bottom



I'm not sure that the AP is gonna be washing dishes for her either. This makes little sense.
Resentment I get. Is she suggesting they are trying to get back at their husbands?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Because they want to.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

For the same reason men do- to have their intimate needs met outside of their marriage. Some do it even while in a fulfilling marriage (aka Cake Eating), while others seek to have their needs met outside of the marriage because they aren't being met in the marriage. Either way, there's no excuse for cheating. 

This goes for both emotional and physical intimate needs.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

U


GusPolinski said:


> Because they want to.


Umm... Yeah.... First thing that came to mind.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

So the affair partners are doing the housework? Seems a high price, but I wouldn't have to wash dishes. hmmmmmmm

I jumped too soon. So now I feel sorry for the AP (AKA POSOM) who is getting sex not because she wants him, but because she is using him to hurt BH. So it is an act of hate, not at all love making.

But on the other hand, the only time I could talk Mrs. Nail into a bit of bondage on me was when she had such a lousy Boss that made her mad enough to get into it. Should I send him a thank you note? 

I guess that is the reason I don't have an affair. I just can't wrap my head around the excuses.


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## CTPlay (Apr 26, 2015)

I think it's a coping mechanism. They cannot ultimately control themselves because the situation in their mind is impossible and escaping into another person is the easiest solution for them. Let's face it, if you cannot control yourself, you are likely not to foresee things like consequences. Consequences to such a mind is "punishment", and all punishment is unfair and wrong if you are person unable to control yourself.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> From article:
> 
> There is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.
> “I think there’s an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor,” said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. “And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.” No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, “these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they’re relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there’s no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way.”
> ...


The Affair Partner washes her sins. Tells her she deserves to be loved and respected. Until she gets caught---> Then he bails.
The Husband watches her sins. Tells her she deserves to be unloved and unrespected. If she gets caught---> Then he bails.

The uneven chores and the dirty dishes are just small, may be compounding excuses for her bad behavior and loose boundaries.
Think about it. How many men would cheat on their [stay at home wives] for her not doing her share of housework? None, or few.

Men and women are people. They have different values and value different things more or less. But really, this is nonsense! 
Meager excuses are just piss-poor excuses. Grasping at straws. I cheated, and uh, this is why!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Why do you never see these kind of articles justifying men who cheat? You never see an article where the conclusion is that men cheat because there wife don't have sex with them right? Or their wives don't cook them dinner or make enough money. Such dreck.


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

A grudge whispered in her ear yes but her gaggle, her inner circle whispers as well. Theirn words feed the fuel to her fire, give her bricks to strengthen the wall between her and her once dear family and, in the end, they lead her into the darkness and leave her with the madness they helped create.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

sokillme said:


> Why do you never see these kind of articles justifying men who cheat? You never see an article where the conclusion is that men cheat because there wife don't have sex with them right? Or their wives don't cook them dinner or make enough money. Such dreck.


The Very Honest (And Human) Reason Why Men Cheat | YourTango

Men cheat because women don't give them enough appreciation 

There's always articles on both sides.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This sounds like the same nonsense that cheating men have used as excuses for their cheating since the dawn of time. The "it takes the pressure off the marriage." and "it saves the marriage" is not new. What is new is that women now cheat almost as often as men do.

I don't see where this is a woman issue. It's a human issue.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Could it be that the ladies just seek some variety? Not variety in penises or looks necessarily, but perhaps variety in "appreciation" of her womanliness.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

The rhetorical question a little towards the end of the article caught my eye......basically asking with all of this resentment and lack of fulfillment, why were women still marrying?

Simple answer IMO....Cake-eating.....wanting to have it all, the best of both worlds as they see it.

The real question though IMO is this.......if growing numbers of women are going to engage in A's, with little or no remorse or guilt as this article suggests.....

Then why in the h*ll would MEN want to get married?

Especially considering that a D still impacts a man disproportionately worse with child custody and finances (though a lot of the money issues ARE because women face real problems with pay disparity IMO).....

Yes the legal system is slowly creating more justice and balance for men on this issue.....but right now D does tend to hit guys harder.

So the question is legit.....

Why bother to M at all as a guy if more and more of your potential partners are liable to choose this path of 'liberation' or 'empowerment'?

And, of course, a guy can always try to be more careful and selective in choosing who to M.....but I doubt if any of the cheating W's cited in that article planned to be running around on their BH's when they first tied the knot.

Now, to be fair, women have always had to worry about the potential for this crap when deciding if a guy was a good bet for M.....

It's really sort of depressing though that so many more women seem to be jumping at the chance to join scumbag WH's down in the sewer.

Women have gained a lot more independence, empowerment, and autonomy in life over the past 60 years (and that is a GREAT thing).....

Wish more of them were using it to tell men to 'shape up, or ship out' on crappy marital behavior rather than jumping into it themselves though.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Dyokemm said:


> The rhetorical question a little towards the end of the article caught my eye......basically asking with all of this resentment and lack of fulfillment, why were women still marrying?
> 
> Simple answer IMO....Cake-eating.....wanting to have it all, the best of both worlds as they see it.
> 
> ...


Preach it brother!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> The Very Honest (And Human) Reason Why Men Cheat | YourTango
> 
> Men cheat because women don't give them enough appreciation
> 
> There's always articles on both sides.


Same dreck.


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

In the end I don't think the reason is any different than a man's. You start getting attention, you get a rush and you cave in to temptation. It is like trying to diet strict. You see the the donut, you know you shouldn't have it but it smells so good so you take a small taste. Then....


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> It is a slow process, this incremental societal nudging.
> 
> When nudged, many men readily roll down hill.
> 
> ...


*Let's just say that this entire mantra fully explains the sordid self-justifying actions of my RSXW to a tee!*


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

40%... this article is really depressing to me. What is wrong with this world! I guess men and women are being more and more equal on many levels.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

No one ever removed themselves from a hole by digging it deeper, although with affairs it usually turns into a grave.

The related link at the bottom of the article is nicely written and does a much better job breaking down what breaks down instead of justifying (and seemingly empowering a thought that happiness is owed)... and more applicable to how our desires in being human applies to both sexes.


RELATED
Is My Husband Having an Affair?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

That Esther Perel gets around. In addition to all her other platforms, she has a Q&A column in the British edition of Psychologies. A magazine to help women improve their life spiritually. 

I think women cheat like men because of a sense of entitlement and ability to get away with it. Like when other women don't choose to avoid her. 

The wisdom that I have found here is that most people are 80 to 90 percent satisfied with their marriage. They seek someone else for what's missing. This explains also why the AP is most likely one or more steps down from the spouse.

People also cheat because they have poor boundaries; feel as if they have led a third party on and therefore owes them something. Which is why OSFs are dangerous.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

sokillme said:


> Same dreck.


Exactly. It was in reponse to why do we never see articles about why men cheat. 
There are plenty. It's not a one sided thing


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Let's just say that this entire mantra fully explains the sordid self-justifying actions of my RSXW to a tee!*


Sorry....

Noted an error in your diction.

To a TEET ! 

And through her lying TEETH.
...............................................................................................
Did that wet Devil, Harvey flood you out. In Brazos Valley. You sit at ~2000 ft above sea level? Is that correct. The Brazos river is in that quadrant. 
I suspect the ground is hard as a rock, and just sat there for a while?

I hope all is well with our Texas TAMMERs.


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## inging (Dec 11, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Because they want to.


It is hard for a newly betrayed spouse to accept this simple truth. They desperately hang on to the idea of the outside force influences and corrupting.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I didn't read the article, I did read the responses, and I have a pretty good idea this article is really crap. The thread title caught my eye and immediately I said don't click, today I thought I could use some sarcasm and clicked. Responses have said it because they are entitled, makes a better marriage, gets their needs met, and so goes the crap. 

I will be the first to say NOBODY is entitled to infidelity. I understand nobody is saying this is true, but nobody is entitled. Maybe seniors in high school should have to take a class about marriage to graduate. How about you take the time and energy placed in an affair towards your marriage and see what happens. After typing that I now see this is just as much a fantasy as an affair is. My grandmother told me this, you get out of your marriage what you put into your marriage. Put in little effort, expect little in return, after all, marriage doesn't have a cruise control. 

As for your marriage gets better, I love this one, this is the biggest crock of crap yet. Anyone who has been betrayed will tell you that after infidelity, they don't have a marriage. How is it better? It just got killed by having an OM or OW!!! What you really have is a piece of paper that is titled marriage certificate, and at this point it's worthless. Much like a birth certificate, completely useless when your dead. Infidelity kills a marriage, the marriage certificate is dead too. What's better about your marriage now? 

If both spouses can commit fully to reconciliation, there is hope for that marriage certificate. Both spouses change and become better human beings, in the end, if both spouses do the work your new marriage can be a success. What it's not is, your old marriage became better. Reconciliation is building a new marriage with changed spouses, who make the new marriage solid. This is why I smile every time I hear that a marriage was made better by infidelity. I smile at the stupidity, infidelity struck and yet you still have a marriage. You have nothing when infidelity strikes, no spouse, no marriage, and the worst, no trust or faith. 

One can only hope that as a society we realize how little value there is in today's world. From a human life to marriage, value has declined at a staggering rate. Perhaps a study should be done on that, if even possible, but I fear that may take away hope with it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> Sorry....
> 
> Noted an error in your diction.
> 
> ...


*Thanks for thinking of us, Sun!

We're in the Middle Brazos Basin and flooding got bad down around Navasota, Hempstead, and all points south! They really took it bad down there!

We were good out here at the ranch, despite having taken in about 25 inches of rain. Was isolated for a couple days but didn't flood any of the ranch dwellings! 

But word did leak out that my RSXW, who resides some thirty minutes away from here, strangely took in some 5-6 inches!

And the sadder thing was that it didn't even rain!
*


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

inging said:


> It is hard for a newly betrayed spouse to accept this simple truth. They desperately hang on to the idea of the outside force influences and corrupting.


I, for one, prefer more detail than that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Thanks for thinking of us, Sun!
> 
> We're in the Middle Brazos Basin and flooding got bad down around Navasota, Hempstead, and all points south! They really took it bad down there!
> 
> ...


Ah, hah! >

If that analogy could be converted: from a Water Gauge to actual rain fall, the Great Flood would demand an Ark in her slim, barren Neck of the woods, er, desert.
She does have a water collector and it does not leak. Until she stands in the light of day.
..........................................................................................................

Look in the mirror!

I see You, You see me!

My scratchy dust does rub off on some Pardners, Pals.

Just Sayin'


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Where the hell are these people having sex and who the heck has the time to have an affair. I must be totally naive.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

The article doesn't make excuses for women that have affairs, it just takes a look at why women are having more affairs and their rationale, this doesn't mean that they agree with the rationale. I guess it's good that we understand why people are doing bad things.

After reading the article, I totally understand where the women are coming from BUT that doesn't mean that allows them to have an affair obviously. This article to me just seems to downplay the affect of affairs. I mean the facts are that 40-50% of marriages have affairs, now women cheat almost as much as men. So should we stop expecting monogamy? It seems that this is where we are headed.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

The article makes it seem like almost normal behavior, and it's so nonchalant. I would like to see some articles on the men and women whose spouses had affairs on them and what the impact is. And I would like to see what the impact of those who are having affairs is. This way we can see what the real impact of infidelity is. And then the questions are.... are we expecting too much out of marriage? Can we have it all? Are affairs really worth divorcing over?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

the hamster rationalizing.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

If women today are cheating just as much as men, why would a young man even consider getting married? He could just be the preferred OM without commitment or financial support (except for condoms, lube, and the occasional lingerie).


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

MAJDEATH said:


> If women today are cheating just as much as men, why would a young man even consider getting married? He could just be the preferred OM without commitment or financial support (except for condoms, lube, and the occasional lingerie).




Because maybe he wants a traditional family structure, maybe he wants kids. This wouldn't be so bad If both spouses agreed that it's ok to occasionally sleep with other people.
I will always be pro marriage.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> If women today are cheating just as much as men, why would a young man even consider getting married? He could just be the preferred OM without commitment or financial support (except for condoms, lube, and the occasional lingerie).




So the flip side is women by condoms, lube, and the occasional sporting event ticket? I don't know what the percentage of men cheating is, but if the women are going to cheat at the same percentage, society is done. I say this because neither my wife or myself went into our marriage thinking the other would cheat. So essentially marriage will be a thing of the past, because everybody will be cheating anyway. Society doesn't look so well now does it?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

drifting on said:


> So the flip side is women by condoms, lube, and the occasional sporting event ticket? I don't know what the percentage of men cheating is, but if the women are going to cheat at the same percentage, society is done. I say this because neither my wife or myself went into our marriage thinking the other would cheat. So essentially marriage will be a thing of the past, because everybody will be cheating anyway. Society doesn't look so well now does it?


yes, of course, women cheat more today than 50 years ago and beyond. But overall, is cheating more or less these days.

Even Churchill's MIL was known to get around: "Although legally the daughter of Henry Montague Hozier and Lady Blanche Hozier (a daughter of David Ogilvy, 10th Earl of Airlie), her paternity is a subject of much debate, as Lady Blanche was well known for infidelity." wikipedia


Divorce laws are such that men especially, maybe women too, would think twice about uprooting their marriage. 

It would also be nice to see divorce rates broken out by demographics.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

It's not just that people are cheating. To me, the scary part is that it is becoming something that is easily justifiable for both men and women. I hate to sound sexist, but in the past, women were pretty good at keeping men in line. Now women are just as bad as men. There's nobody to toe the line. If you justify cheating simply because you have to be the one arranging your social get together (see article) or because you think you have to do more laundry, then there isn't much hope for monogamous marriage. Either we will adapt to see cheating as acceptable, open our marriages, or change our way of thinking. I don't see the latter happening. It's getting worse, not better.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> yes, of course, women cheat more today than 50 years ago and beyond. But overall, is cheating more or less these days.
> 
> Even Churchill's MIL was known to get around: "Although legally the daughter of Henry Montague Hozier and Lady Blanche Hozier (a daughter of David Ogilvy, 10th Earl of Airlie), her paternity is a subject of much debate, as Lady Blanche was well known for infidelity." wikipedia
> 
> ...




Agreed. Divorce laws do not seem to have changed over the years. I know my state heavily favors the female. Demographics could be very enlightening. Even if you read the bible, Mary and Joseph moved to another town to divorce. Now you speculation that Mary wasn't a virgin. Infidelity has been around as long as humans, my hope is that people think about what infidelity does and to divorce before committing adultery.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My concern are young women who get pregnant not just out of wedlock, but quite often through fly by night relationships.

there's no shame in being a single mom anymore. My parents warned me not to get pregnant before marriage .... or otherwise, no good man would want to marry me.

In some ways, you guys ruined it for yourself. Not only dating and marrying single moms ..... but also sometimes feeling responsible for kids that aren't even their own that it ruins future relationships
(http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-cant-stop-thinking-about-2.html#post18360137) Sorry, but *I'll* choose which charity I will give to.

I bet if you en insisted on wearing a condom and stop trying to play house with these women, younger women may notice the new trend and adjust accordingly.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

drifting on said:


> Agreed. *Divorce laws do not seem to have changed over the years. *I know my state heavily favors the female. Demographics could be very enlightening. Even if you read the bible, Mary and Joseph moved to another town to divorce. Now you speculation that Mary wasn't a virgin. Infidelity has been around as long as humans, my hope is that people think about what infidelity does and to divorce before committing adultery.


Up to the 70s, because so few women worked, it was believed that women did not contribute to the wealth of the household. Ergo, they received practically nothing when the divorce was complete. This is why a lot of women put up with their husband fooling around. 

And also, on the books of a few southern states, the betrayed wife can sue the AP because she is destabilizing her livelihood, that is as wife of.....

I also read in the book Coercive Control, that as late as the 1970s, a UK law existed that required a married woman to hand over ALL of her earnings to her husband if he required it. I wonder how many states in the US had laws like that.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> It's not just that people are cheating. To me, the scary part is that it is becoming something that is easily justifiable for both men and women. I hate to sound sexist, but in the past, women were pretty good at keeping men in line. Now women are just as bad as men. There's nobody to toe the line. If you justify cheating simply because you have to be the one arranging your social get together (see article) or because you think you have to do more laundry, then there isn't much hope for monogamous marriage. Either we will adapt to see cheating as acceptable, open our marriages, or change our way of thinking. I don't see the latter happening. It's getting worse, not better.




Women never kept men in line. Men cheated back in the day and women looked the other way. They cared so much about how they look that they stayed naive on purpose. Divorce was taboo but men cheating was common, it was just looked the other way.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MAJDEATH said:


> If women today are cheating just as much as men, why would a young man even consider getting married? He could just be the preferred OM without commitment or financial support (except for condoms, lube, and the occasional lingerie).


For some of them there is still a misguided idea that once they marry they will have sex all the time.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> Women never kept men in line. Men cheated back in the day and women looked the other way. They cared so much about how they look that they stayed naive on purpose. Divorce was taboo but men cheating was common, it was just looked the other way.


How do we know it was common? You here that but how do you know? I bet it wasn't as common as it is today. Remember in the days before the pill sex had much greater risks.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

sokillme said:


> How do we know it was common? You here that but how do you know? I bet it wasn't as common as it is today. Remember in the days before the pill sex had much greater risks.




I don't know if it's more common today. It probably is.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Women tolerated a lot of BS back in the day as well.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This is all bull anyway because if these articles and Ester Pearl and everyone was honest what they would really say they want is to be able to cheat on their spouses with very little consequences but what they would never want is for their spouses to cheat on them. 

The best answer to this stuff is - "OK but since you are the one who wants a relationship like this lets test it out. I get to go first we will see how you feel about it afterwords, oh yeah and how I feel. Then we can decide if we want to go forward." 

Bet that goes over. These people are so full of crap.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

It used to be if a man got his girlfriend pregnant, he would do the honorable thing and marry her. Now if a woman gets pregnant, she is more likely to keep the baby and get rid of the boyfriend because he's "So controlling".


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

MAJDEATH said:


> It used to be if a man got his girlfriend pregnant, he would do the honorable thing and marry her. Now if a woman gets pregnant, she is more likely to keep the baby and get rid of the boyfriend because he's "So controlling".




I think it's more.... men trying to get out of child support when they get a women pregnant.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MAJDEATH said:


> It used to be if a man got his girlfriend pregnant, he would do the honorable thing and marry her. Now if a woman gets pregnant, she is more likely to keep the baby and get rid of the boyfriend because he's "So controlling".


or because she doesn't know him that well. I've heard a couple of guys say that happened to them.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> I think it's more.... men trying to get out of child support when they get a women pregnant.


These days, I can't imagine any man would be stupid enough to believe that that's possible.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> These days, I can't imagine any man would be stupid enough to believe that that's possible.


There are always men trying to get out of child support. It's no different now. With women sometimes now also making more than their husbands they are the ones on the line for child support and spouse support. It's not gender, it's just who makes more. Average child support amount is dismal. Most women do not benefit from child support. 

The article was talking about women who were financially independent, they don't need a husband for practical, financial reasons so that's likely one reason they are cheating more (less consequences if caught) but the men they are married to are not just being used as financial supporters. As for why they married in the first place, you'd have to ask them. For the same reasons any woman would I'd guess.


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## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> The Very Honest (And Human) Reason Why Men Cheat | YourTango
> 
> Men cheat because women don't give them enough appreciation
> 
> There's always articles on both sides.


It is the same arguments on both sides, and all are nothing but lame excuses and all are used to push guilt trips on to the betrayed.

I can see it all now.....

"he never helps around the house and with chores"

"she is never happy when I do chores and fix the cars"

"he's always so busy working"

"she wants so much and I have to work all hours to pay for it and she's still not happy"

"he's always tired after work and always finishes before me/not as adventurous as I want him to be/doesn't show me enough affection or attention"

"she never gives head/tries anything more than basic sex/wears sexy lingerie"

I could go on and on about the excuses that I have seen thrown around in the wake of discovery, I won't, it will do that triggery thing they talk about most likely.


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## angelinegormley (Sep 22, 2017)

I guess cheating is generally a choice, but often it stems from being unsatisfied in the emotional aspect of the relationship. Women often need to feel loved and cared for. From a woman's perspective, I wouldn't necessarily cheat because sex is unsatisfactory and such. It's more of not filling in the emotional tank the relationship. Giving time, affirming words, acts of service and physical touch is very important for a woman to feel loved. 0

___________________
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

Visit our blog at *lifewithgormleys.com* for day to day insights on marriage, family and God


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> There are always men trying to get out of child support. It's no different now. With women sometimes now also making more than their husbands they are the ones on the line for child support and spouse support. It's not gender, it's just who makes more. Average child support amount is dismal. Most women do not benefit from child support.
> 
> The article was talking about women who were financially independent, they don't need a husband for practical, financial reasons so that's likely one reason they are cheating more (less consequences if caught) but the men they are married to are not just being used as financial supporters. As for why they married in the first place, you'd have to ask them. For the same reasons any woman would I'd guess.


Financially independent yes, but I don't care if you are a man or a women if you have to end your marriage your fiances are going to most likely take a hit, and if you do it because of Adultery you are probably going to take a bigger one because there is usually a prolonged legal battle that will be waged. That is just the facts especially if you have kids. I agree women are more financially independent but what that really means is they are not going to end up in a shelter or something like the would 100 years ago, we are also only talking about lower middle class and up. The woman who works at McDonald's isn't going to really be financially independent if she has kids. More likely she will be living with family at that point. Again this article is full of crap but remember it is written to the audience of the New York magazine who are basically upper crust liberals, whose only experience with minorities and poor, even lower class are Tyler Perry Movies and jokes that Bill Maher makes. Upper middle class like the people they see at the Saturday matinee of Hamilton are the only real women in the world in their mind anyway. 

The truth is when someone starts moving towards cheating, financial independence is the last thing on their mind. They are not thinking to themselves, "well if my husband or wife threw me out I would be fine". They are thinking, "no one will ever know, and I deserve this". I contend the last part of the sentence is the real reason why more people and especially women are cheating today. In the past good and bad (I believe both) women were judged and judged themselves by there maternal nature. The maternal nature is in direct opposition to adultery. The prevailing wisdom of this age is "I deserve this". It has been for a long time. We are probably 3 generations into that thinking. The prevailing wisdom is there is no right and wrong, hell it's wrong to judge people and say what they are doing is right or wrong. "It's my right to get what I want no matter what because I deserve this, and my spouse didn't make me feel the way I need to feel." That mindset leads to cheating.


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## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Financially independent yes, but I don't care if you are a man or a women if you have to end your marriage your fiances are going to most likely take a hit, and if you do it because of Adultery you are probably going to take a bigger one because there is usually a prolonged legal battle that will be waged. That is just the facts especially if you have kids. I agree women are more financially independent but what that really means is they are not going to end up in a shelter or something like the would 100 years ago, we are also only talking about lower middle class and up. The woman who works at McDonald's isn't going to really be financially independent if she has kids. More likely she will be living with family at that point. Again this article is full of crap but remember it is written to the audience of the New York magazine who are basically upper crust liberals, whose only experience with minorities and poor, even lower class are Tyler Perry Movies and jokes that Bill Maher makes. Upper middle class like the people they see at the Saturday matinee of Hamilton are the only real women in the world in their mind anyway.
> 
> The truth is when someone starts moving towards cheating, financial independence is the last thing on their mind. They are not thinking to themselves, "well if my husband or wife threw me out I would be fine". They are thinking, "no one will ever know, and I deserve this". I contend the last part of the sentence is the real reason why more people and especially women are cheating today. In the past good and bad (I believe both) women were judged and judged themselves by there maternal nature. The maternal nature is in direct opposition to adultery. The prevailing wisdom of this age is "I deserve this". It has been for a long time. We are probably 3 generations into that thinking. The prevailing wisdom is there is no right and wrong, hell it's wrong to judge people and say what they are doing is right or wrong. "It's my right to get what I want no matter what because I deserve this, and my spouse didn't make me feel the way I need to feel." That mindset leads to cheating.


Great summary and one reason why the socialist experiment has created so many single mothers, it is not in either spouses interest to worry about the consequences because in this day and age there really aren't any, single parent = welfare/child support/maintenance/housing benefit/council tax/etc, etc,. Why worry about where your next meal and shelter are coming when the state will happily throw tax payers cash at you to keep you in the luxury you deserve(according to you), reputations aren't that big of a deal either in this day and age as everyone is at it and even then, you can up sticks and move on.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Peter/ said:


> Great summary and one reason why the socialist experiment has created so many single mothers, it is not in either spouses interest to worry about the consequences because in this day and age there really aren't any, single parent = welfare/child support/maintenance/housing benefit/council tax/etc, etc,. Why worry about where your next meal and shelter are coming when the state will happily throw tax payers cash at you to keep you in the luxury you deserve(according to you), reputations aren't that big of a deal either in this day and age as everyone is at it and even then, you can up sticks and move on.


I'm not a socialist but I do want to state that if a mother posted on TAM that her husband is a cheater but she's afraid to stand up for herself because she doesn't know how'd she and her children would survive without his financial support, I'd advise her to take every service available to feed and house herself and her children while getting away from his emotional abuse.

Female adultery is not a result of welfare services for mothers and children. It's a symptom of the breakdown in values in our society and the lack of commitment, safety, and security demonstrated to this generation's parents by their own.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Jessica38 said:


> Peter/ said:
> 
> 
> > Great summary and one reason why the socialist experiment has created so many single mothers, it is not in either spouses interest to worry about the consequences because in this day and age there really aren't any, single parent = welfare/child support/maintenance/housing benefit/council tax/etc, etc,. Why worry about where your next meal and shelter are coming when the state will happily throw tax payers cash at you to keep you in the luxury you deserve(according to you), reputations aren't that big of a deal either in this day and age as everyone is at it and even then, you can up sticks and move on.
> ...


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

When we look for the very worst in the opposite gender, is it any wonder that we find what we're looking for?

Speaking as a moderator:

Enough with the "women will do", "men will do", Etc. If you can't make a point without making a broad generalization, maybe it's best to not make a point at all.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Maybe the women are tired of the drick belonging to the drick that they are with, and wonder if the drick on another drick is better.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Because they want to.


Yup, we need to stop overcomplicating this nonsense

Sent from my BTV-W09 using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Peter/ said:


> Great summary and one reason why the socialist experiment has created so many single mothers, it is not in either spouses interest to worry about the consequences because in this day and age there really aren't any, single parent = welfare/child support/maintenance/housing benefit/council tax/etc, etc,. Why worry about where your next meal and shelter are coming when the state will happily throw tax payers cash at you to keep you in the luxury you deserve(according to you), reputations aren't that big of a deal either in this day and age as everyone is at it and even then, you can up sticks and move on.


I'm sorry @farsidejunky I hope I don't get banned again but I feel my post was taken out of context so I need to say this. My post was not directed at either sex.

Here is the thing with the scenario you paint. That kid has a father. First of all it's not like she got pregnant on her own, And if she does have the kid where is that man's shame? No kid of mine would be on welfare. Now you are going to tell me the kid's mother is awful, and I am going to say so what. You are a Man, that is your son or daughter, that is the greatest honor you will ever have, to be that kids father. You could be a movie star, or a sports god and you will never have the potential to be more of a super hero then in that kids eyes, there is a little life there who think of you like that, and you don't even try? We are MEN, we need to be MEN. We were given dominion, so I blame the men more. Why? Because they are men.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I'm not sure if anyone has ever been on social assistance as a single parent. I have, it's not fun. It's not luxury. 

I got $1300/month
Rent for a 1 bdrm (I slept on couch) $700
Bus pass $65
Child care after subsidy $325
Food, bills, medicine - ate what was left + trips to the food bank. 
No cable, no extras, no luxury. 

I was on it for about a year, it was very difficult and not something most people would choose to do for the heck of it. It is also more difficult than you'd think to get assistance in the first place. It's silly to assume women and single Mothers have no risk.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Cheaters are cheaters. There will always be a reason, an excuse, etc. You either have a moral code or you don't.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> If women today are cheating just as much as men, why would a young man even consider getting married? He could just be the preferred OM without commitment or financial support (except for condoms, lube, and the occasional lingerie).


Screw that........rather be a eunuch than stoop to being an OM.

As a single guy, I will for sure be sticking to single women (and NO.....separated or 'in the process' of divorcees are not single!)


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> These days, I can't imagine any man would be stupid enough to believe that that's possible.


I teach at a community college, so have a lot of interactions with students in their early 20's......

You would be shocked at how common it is for these *********s today to try to duck their responsibilities as a father.....ESPECIALLY these turds that cultivate the 'bad boy' attitude and persona.

Total scum IMO.....if I saw any guy who played or presented this persona anywhere near a close female relative of mine.....I would make it clear in no uncertain terms that abandoning her in these 'circumstances' was going to have severe 'consequences' for him.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Peter/ said:


> Great summary and one reason why the socialist experiment has created so many single mothers, it is not in either spouses interest to worry about the consequences because in this day and age there really aren't any, single parent = welfare/child support/maintenance/housing benefit/council tax/etc, etc,. Why worry about where your next meal and shelter are coming when the state will happily throw tax payers cash at you to keep you in the luxury you deserve(according to you), reputations aren't that big of a deal either in this day and age as everyone is at it and even then, you can up sticks and move on.


This is dead wrong.....

The U.S. has HIGHER rates of single motherhood than ANY other country in the world......despite having LESS government support than any other industrialized nation on earth.....including countries that are socialist democracies (such as Sweden) or communist (such as Cuba).

A simple Google search for highest rates of single motherhood proves this.

If you are going to drag politics into this at least get your facts straight.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Dyokemm said:


> Screw that........rather be a eunuch than stoop to being an OM.
> 
> As a single guy, I will for sure be sticking to single women (and NO.....separated or 'in the process' of divorcees are not single!)


Like they would tell you.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> Like they would tell you.


Well....the second I discover the truth....they are out the door.

I generally extend to others the courtesy of believing they are honest til proven otherwise.....but once exposed as a liar, that person has zero chance of ever gaining my trust again.

Honesty is next to loyalty in my book......NO exceptions.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Essentially, this thread = humans are ****ty animals. 
I won't disagree with that at all. 








Dyokemm said:


> This is dead wrong.....
> 
> The U.S. has HIGHER rates of single motherhood than ANY other country in the world......despite having LESS government support than any other industrialized nation on earth.....including countries that are socialist democracies (such as Sweden) or communist (such as Cuba).
> 
> ...


I fail to see where he specifically singled out the US. I read it as a generational moral deficiency. I for one, tend to agree. The "all about me" mentality is becoming more prevalent.


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## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

Dyokemm said:


> This is dead wrong.....
> 
> The U.S. has HIGHER rates of single motherhood than ANY other country in the world......despite having LESS government support than any other industrialized nation on earth.....including countries that are socialist democracies (such as Sweden) or communist (such as Cuba).
> 
> ...


Depends on your POV, for me the state has given too big a safety net to the populus at large and as a result it has bread an entitled generation who thinks and feels as though the state owes them a living, it has gradually increased with doogooders who want to offer charity to those in need, well that is nice and very decent, but when you make it my financial responsibility to support them through taxation and state assistance, that's not OK, charity is exactly that, it is the hardships that forge character and provides lessons for others to learn from in the form of consequences for actions, if there are no real consequences for your actions or lessons to be learned from other peoples bad choices then there is nothing stopping you from developing the same character traits.

Societal differences in different countries vary due to cultural differences, the same can be seen in the differences between big city folk and villagers in the countryside, the city folk are often much more liberal and promiscuous in their affairs due to the fact that there are so many other people around and their society is much bigger and can mask their bad character as there is less communal dependency on a smaller group of people, villagers have smaller and often more dependent societies that require an etiquette and moral fabric to exist, smaller number of people doesn't translate to not enough people to get freaky with, but it does equal a much more difficult life and consequences for immoral behavior.

If you wan to bring up differences between countries like the US and Sweden etc, then you also have to face up to America being completely ****ed up in the sense that you have not seen war on North American soil (acts of terrorism aside) in over 200yrs, societal advances have seen you become the first world very fast and also seen the decay of your values happen faster than the rest of the world due to not having to have faced WW2 in your own country, the lesson here is that the world has been on fire while America has been safe and it has lead to the value placed on society and decency being eroded by people who have never had to face up to the total destruction and devastation of their country by war in living memory unlike Europe which was bombed into oblivion and took decades to rebuild.

You wanted to bring the broader range of politics, socialism, capitalism and communism to the argument, I am curious to know if you have any long term experience of living under communism or have close friends who have done so? I have a lot of Polish friends in their 40s and 50s, which means they know and understand communism better having lived under it, not knowing whether the lights were going to stay on, having pots of water on the stove at all times as you never knew whether the water would flow from the taps, ration cards for food and for fuel, this created a strong sense of community in that country(and throughout the Eastern bloc of former soviet and communist countries), something that you still see today, they still have a deeply religious society that uses the bibles teachings on morality to educate young people and give them a moral code, society still has structure, that same ethic of moral education through religion and structured society has been diminished in America and is a distant memory for many, the Judeau Christian history being actively forced out and replaced by socialism (a religion of sorts as it preaches worship of the state as opposed to a spiritual meaning) as a means of ridding Americans of the mill stone hanging round it's neck, the fetish with isalm is also prevalent as it is the opposite of everything we have known (good luck with that BTW if you thought minority rights were under valued in the JC world, minority rights simply do not exist in the muslim world, you can enjoy watching stonings and gays being thrown off buildings when they take over aided and abetted by the global elites LOL).

In short, unless we stop teaching this gender neutral and group think attitude to kids from a young age and go back to using the conservative Christian teachings of the bible to instil a moral and ethical decency into kids and live by it ourselves, things can only deteriorate further and lead to a society worse than we see today.

I can only hope for a society that places values in kids and especially families again, but I doubt it will come in my life time.


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## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

What a load of utter crap.

No wonder today's society is in decay.

We should go Old School pronto.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

MAJDEATH said:


> Like they would tell you.


It's not that difficult to pick out the married ones in dating. 

Go to their home, check over their Facebook and social media pages, google search


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Re: Why women cheat...
> ________________________________________
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Dyokemm View Post
> ...


Dyokemm
*Can you supply a credible source that backs up your statement as bolded above?*

I work in an industry that deals with single women in poverty. They get large HUD subsidies to live in good apartments, utility relief programs, food stamps, Medicaid (In Arizona the state health program pay 100% of medical costs) free legal aid, some get SSI from the social security system for a family member being disabled, and some get social security funds for widows with children. I talked with a person from Great Britain the other day and their amount of funds for SSI and Social Security pales in comparison to the USA.

I am not saying that single mothers have it easy, I am just saying that the USA does provide some good safety nets for the single mothers that are in poverty.

Now I am not a USA flag waver as I see plenty wrong in this country but if there are other industrial nations that are providing more government support for single mothers than the USA, *I would be interested to know the details. Can you provide those details or a good link to that information?*


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Anthony Wellers said:


> What a load of utter crap.
> 
> No wonder today's society is in decay.
> 
> ...


The original article that started this thread and the video you linked spoofing 50's marriages are comical reminders of how gender roles have reversed since the 50s. But then again maybe not. The image of the emasculated dad in Rebel Without a Cause wearing an apron and avoiding marital conflict at all cost just goes to show that there have always been men who are weak. 

This might not be about gender roles though (although I do worry about the fact that 3 out of 4 divorces are filed by women) That talk just externalizes and excuses bad behavaior either way. The opposite of infidelity is fidelity. No one ever said marriage was easy and didn't require work. But the truth we don't see enough here on TAM (because this site is here to help problem-solve) is that there are marriages that thrive in the long run where couples find enduring happiness. These couples sacrifice cheap thrills for a lifetime of happiness and enduring joy. Those stories need more exposure. 

If a spouse decides that the high ideal of fidelity in marriage is not worth pursuing they will fall short, give up on their commitment, and hurt the person they made a promise to love and be true to for life. And all the pseudo sophisticated rationalization in the world won't erase the ugly deed and the broken promise.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I always seem to be out of pocket when these good threads start. Anyhow, blame it on marriage in the 50's, division of labor, boredom, or what have you, when a woman cheats she has a low romantic interest in her mate. Ask them and read between the lines what they say. Like the article sez, "Often, they loved their husbands, but felt in some fundamental way that their needs (sexual, emotional, psychological) were not being met inside the marriage" or "many of the interviewees said they liked their husbands well enough. They had property together. They had friendships together." 
I like my red bone **** hound and my best old buddy Mike. We own property together (rentals) and have a damn good friendship, but I don't have any romantic interest in Mike or the **** hound. These chick don't have a romantic interest in their husbands either. In a nut shell, the honeymoon is long over and these girls are looking for a mans touch that doesn't chill them to the bone.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> It's not that difficult to pick out the married ones in dating.
> 
> Go to their home, check over their Facebook and social media pages, google search


I was referring to the ladies who say they are divorced, but really they are just separated and looking.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Dyokemm said:


> Well....the second I discover the truth....they are out the door.
> 
> I generally extend to others the courtesy of believing they are honest til proven otherwise.....but once exposed as a liar, that person has zero chance of ever gaining my trust again.
> 
> Honesty is next to loyalty in my book......NO exceptions.


You'll never get 100% honesty (unless you were there at the donkey show in TJ years ago) but sometimes ignorance is bliss.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> I was referring to the ladies who say they are divorced, but really they are just separated and looking.


Or just looking.

:lol: :rofl:


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> In reality, I think it comes down to a change in mentality/outlook. So many people today go into marriage, and life in general, looking at only the "what can it do for ME" mentality. She says in her article that in years past, women would just put up with it or get a divorce. Could it be that women of earlier generations just weren't as selfish? Perhaps they spent their time working on the marriage and communicating these feelings rather than just going out and having an affair?


Marriage of past generations have to do with having a roof over a womans head. Think about about 100 years ago, women voting? Women owning property? Getting divorce? Even if the husband is cheating? NO! Then she would be homeless.

So yeah, women having more equal rights has change things any many OLDER men have a problem with that.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

growing_weary said:


> =/ Oh, ChumpLady mentioned Esther Perel's BS a couple days ago. Don't believe the hype.
> 
> https://www.chumplady.com/2017/09/ubt-esther-perels-happy-people-cheat/


Thanks for this link. I liked the blog/author-it gave me some chuckles


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## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

Rick Blaine said:


> But the truth we don't see enough here on TAM is that there are marriages that thrive in the long run where couples find enduring happiness. These couples sacrifice cheap thrills for a lifetime of happiness and enduring joy. Those stories need more exposure.


I couldn't agree more. The successful marriages are the ones where both partners are willing to make it work.

The video post was kind of meant partly as a joke. It is the other end of the extreme....but no more ludicrous than being tolerant of infidelity.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Who really knows why women cheat. We can describe the general conditions where cheating is most likely to occur. Or we can analyze the characteristics of the majority of female cheaters, but the real reason may be eluding us. 

Perhaps it is a simple answer. Maybe the female cheaters just want to get away with something. Or maybe they wonder what a certain OM's parts would look/feel/taste like. Or maybe it is too complex to determine.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

And please don't be as dumb as this cheating lady:


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> From article:
> 
> There is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.
> “I think there’s an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor,” said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. “And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.” No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, “these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they’re relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there’s no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way.”
> ...


The USA is so utterly hetrogenous that any generalization is likely to be unhelpful. I have been to several states in the USA, seen a great variety, but really only saw the in depth look at white middle class life.

I think her statement can be dangerous though, and dangerous within a feminist context. It assumes the model of the woman as a helpless victim, who will end up lashing out in anyway. This is something Mary Woolstonecraft wrote about (more eloquently) the in the C18th.

I have lived in Denmark and the UK. Both have ups and downs. In both cases, domestic duties are reasonable fairly split. But, in the UK, the victim mentalitiy is stronger and women have a much stronger sense of being a helpless victim. (a generalization). This really does undermine the confidence of women in the UK compared to Denmark. 

Promoting this thinking is dangerous.


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