# Partner wants space and time



## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

Hi, great forum you guys have here. Ive been reading a lot and learnt heaps. One of my problems is that Im not manly enough. Im very needy, sooky and need to man up. My Gf has told me before that she wants me to be more confident as she is attracted to that.
Anyway my partner and I have been together for 2 years now and have lived together for one year. We are both in our mid 40's.
We tend to argue a lot about stupid things. Shes very domineering and seems to want everything her own way. About two weeks ago we had a fight and she slept in the bed upstairs for almost a week.
Then she said she didnt want to hurt me anymore and wanted to be single and start going out with her girlfriends and enjoying life.
We had a long chat and she ended up saying that she just needed space and time to sort herself out. shes sleeping back in our bed but we havent had sex for about 3 weeks now. She said she didnt love me at first then said she does love me and she keeps sending me mixed messages. One minute she doesnt want me kissing her at all, the next she will hop in bed and kiss me and cuddle me all night. or if we go out she will walk with her arm around me or hold hands. 
She went out last Friday night to a friends house and tonight shes gone out to see a band with another friend. She normally hates going out to see bands and stuff so I dont know if shes just doing this to prove a point and perhaps get me to change and comply with what she wants in the relationship. I trust her 100% and know shes not going out to pick up.
I now know from reading on here that im making things worse. She wants space but I often want to cuddle her and kiss her and she gets angry about this. But then other times she will let me or will cuddle up to me or hold my hand while were watching a movie together. Or in bed she will cuddle up to me and last night I said goodnight and she kissed me passionately. it seems as if she wants it then its okay. But if I want it she cracks it.

So what should I do just dont touch her at all dont kiss her cuddle her etc and see what happens?
She oringally said she just needs time and space to decide if she wants this relationship then today said she does want us to work but just needs space and time. Sometimes I think shes just doing this firstly because shes very stubborn and secondly because she can see its getting what she wants. I do admit there were some things I needed to change which Im now doing.


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## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

33 views and not one reply?? Come on guys surely someones got some good advice for me..


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

start pushing back. Thats what she wants. She will have a cow at first but that is what she wants. You gotta man up. She is getting bored with the relationship because she wants to be challenged.

I know it sounds weird that she wants her way but wants you to tell her no at the same time but it is what it is. Been married 35 years and I've been there. This is not a theory I got from some pyschobabel. This is from a conversation i had with my wife when we where working things out years ago.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Buy No more Mr. Nice Guy. I think it will help you. She is definitely sending mixed signals and your needs are not being met.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

But when I have tried to push back and tell her no it just ends in more fighting. I told her that if she was going out tonight that i would too with a couple of mates and she got angry saying that maybe I might pick up a hot chick as were not together anymore. I know she was very jealous of the thought of me going out, but its okay for her to go out.
I really dont know what shes thinking its like shes just trying to punish me and being very stubborn.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I guess give her space & time if that is what she wants & you want to please her. No kids together (I am guessing) & only together for two yrs., I would move out but you sound like you love her so very much if you put up with her domineering behavior & fear her anger.

What would happen if you go out with your friends? She will get very angry & try to make your life miserable? That is not a healthy relationship but I guess you know this. 

Maybe counseling?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Rogers, 

Don't know if its too late or not, but do read No More Mr Nice Guy and Married Man's Sex Life. As the other poster advised you, you must pull back your emotions and show her you are fine on your own, with her or without her. That's the confidant look, it brings respect. 

If it works out or not, you'll be better for it. Give them a read, see the ideas. 

Here are the links;

Married Man Sex Life

No More Mr. Nice Guy


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Read the MMSL above - follow the MAP !


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I need space = time to see if there is someone better then you.

Sorry my friend, your blind trust will get you in a heap of trouble.

It might be worth saying she has already found that confident guy that turns her on sexually hence the no sex for 3 weeks.

For now your all good if you don't mind sharing your wife, she will always be there as long as you provide her with the security and stabilty, she loves you for that, just don't make her second life of having the men that sexually turn her on inconvienent. 

Sorry for shining a light on this possiblity is painfull, but I'v been here long enought to see guy after guy get screwed over. Give it some time and you will get to a point were even what you currently provide is not enough and as the distance grows and more red flags pop up you will quitely do your own investigation to prove her faithfulness....you just aren't there yet.


You would be best served to start protecting your relationship now rather then later. Now she is just getting flirted on by radom guys and still has a little respect for you. Soon some young guy will say all they right things and will fill that need you are not filling.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Rogers said:


> So what should I do just dont touch her at all dont kiss her cuddle her etc and see what happens?
> .


I recommened telling her you are concerned with all the red flags, no sex and going out more, the cuddleing isn't cutting it and you will not tolorate sharing your girl friend. She is more then welcome to leave for good if she wants to continue with this behavior.

Now thats confidence!!!!

Yes stop the affection and tell her why. See when she can give you 100% effection and that includes sex then why bother with the half ass bull crap?

*establish your boundries and the concequenses for when they are crossed.


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## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

Thanks for the advice, I will read MMSl and NMMNG. In the mean time I intend to show her no affection what so ever. Last night she came home and jumped into bed and cuddled up to me but did not kiss me at all. I was pi$$ed but what could I do.
So today I think were going out for lunch somewhere so I will make sure I dont hold her hand or anything I usually do and who knows maybe after a few days of her thinking Ive lost interest she will come around.


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## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

@ the guy. I know that it might seem like she has found someone else but I know this is not the case. Shes only been out twice and one of those times was to a friends house. If this is still going on a month or two down the track then I would agree with you but certainly not two weeks. The week before this all started we went away for four days and had a great time with lots of sex and romance. 
Before this we had a great sex life and did it on average 5-7 times a week. Shes very stubborn and Im sure shes just holding her ground with the no sex and being single until she gets it into my head what it is she wants and needs from me.
However Im now going to show her that Im not playing her silly games and until she wants to give me full affection and sex again Im not going to touch her anymore.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

why would you want to be in a relationship with a person that behaves like this?


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

She is not sexually attracted to you and its obvious that she does not believe that you can get anyone else. Women are attracted to men that can get other women. Prove her wrong.


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## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

She is sexually attracted to me. I know that for sure. When I wear nice clothes she says I look hot. Our sex life was very good until now she always wanted me and she gets jealous when other woman look at me or if she catches me perving on other woman.
I want to be in a relationship with her because when were not fighting we get along really well. She loves me and I love herr, shes just going through this phase at the moment, but even this morning in bed when she woke up she was all over me cuddling me, biting my neck and joking around.


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## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_
I don't know what to think anymore. We had a good day together today went out for the day and came home and watched a movie. I kept off her didn't smother her and at one stage she had her legs on mine. Then a bit later I rated my hand on her leg and she pulled it away quickly. When I asked her what was wrong she was very short with me and said its annoying. Them she complained that her legs were sore so i offered to rub them for her. Whilst doing this everytime I asked her if it was too hard or in the right spot she Woukd be very short with me. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing in an angry voice. 
Then when we went to bed she cracked it with me for no reason. Said she was Sleeping upstairs and got very nasty with me. I asked her what was wrong and what had I done but she wouldnt reply and just ignored me. I followed her upstairs to try and find out what the hell I had gone wrong and she screamed at me and told me to get lost. 

I'm at a loss to understand what the hell is going on inside her head. Its as if she just hates me that much and despises me that she just cracks and has to let itbout. But then other times tells me she still loves me and wants us to work. I have no idea what she's really thinking.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Rogers said:


> But when I have tried to push back and tell her no it just ends in more fighting. I told her that if she was going out tonight that i would too with a couple of mates and she got angry saying that maybe I might pick up a hot chick as were not together anymore. I know she was very jealous of the thought of me going out, but its okay for her to go out.
> I really dont know what shes thinking its like shes just trying to punish me and being very stubborn.


I understand what you are saying. My experience with the going out thing was exactly this. I let her go but really didnt like it and knew it was dangerous. years after the fact she told me that I should have told her no. That she needed me to say no. Knowing what i know now; if I were you I would say no and if you go anyway I will go out with my mates. If she does it then you follow through. Yes she will want to fight but you stay above that. When she tries to fight with you tell her that shes being disrespectful of you and it is unacceptable and you wont allow it. Then walk out.


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## Rogers (Aug 25, 2012)

Should I just give her am ultimatum and tell her she's got a week to decide if she wants this to work or I walk because I'm sick of the way she treats me? Last night was not called for I did nothing wrong. Gave her space didn't touch her or smother her and I get the feeling that's why she got angry because I didn't do what I normally do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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