# Recommend a book for how to parent an emotionally delicate child



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Do you have a child who doesn't have a lot of emotional resilience? Maybe a kid who is fine when things are going well, but will have emotional meltdowns over seemingly minor setbacks. If so, have you found any books or resources which you feel have given you valuable advice?

One of my children is like that. I always thought she would grow out of it, but it seems like it's going to be a part of her for a while even as she is becoming an adult.

*Note* I would prefer responses from people who have actually lived through this situation and have relevant personal experience. While we're all a helpful bunch here, I would prefer if we could stay away from theoretical advice of what you might do if you had such a child. Unless you've been in the situation, you might not be aware of how the wrong advice can lead to more emotional issues (e.g. try tough love, but your kid reacts by cutting or something like that).


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

wilson said:


> Do you have a child who doesn't have a lot of emotional resilience? Maybe a kid who is fine when things are going well, but will have emotional meltdowns over seemingly minor setbacks. If so, have you found any books or resources which you feel have given you valuable advice?
> 
> One of my children is like that. I always thought she would grow out of it, but it seems like it's going to be a part of her for a while even as she is becoming an adult.
> 
> *Note* I would prefer responses from people who have actually lived through this situation and have relevant personal experience. While we're all a helpful bunch here, I would prefer if we could stay away from theoretical advice of what you might do if you had such a child. Unless you've been in the situation, you might not be aware of how the wrong advice can lead to more emotional issues (e.g. try tough love, but your kid reacts by cutting or something like that).


i dont know of any books, but my approach has been to do everything i can to let my daughter know that emotions are fine, even the bad ones, and they all pass. 

basically, if she is feeling overwhelmed by her homework, its ok to feel that. just focus on the homework anyway because the alternative is to feel like a failure. if she gets angry, then that's ok. just don't do anything she will regret, because then she will feel guilty. 

the basic message, which takes a lot of consistent effort to get across, is that her emotions say no more about her as a person than the fact that ice feels cold to her, but she can still choose to do anything she decides to do, despite how she feels.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Been there. DD1 is like her mom, an emotional powder keg.

Validation works assuming the issue is a reasonable one. 

Long discussions with her to make sure she's introduced slowly but surely to reality. Don't expect she'll pick up everything on her own in an emotionally charged state.

Outlets for her emotions. DD1 went thru a long period of stress with her mom. I diverted her to things like music, art, etc. Since then she's added gourmet cooking. She's also a pretty competent classical pianist. 

Having creative outlets has really helped her.


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