# Husband keeps spending



## Kitras (Jul 8, 2013)

Hi all, 
Im new here. Recently married but together 13 years. My how things change and not change at all. Hubby keeps spending money from savings and does not tell me. Thus, he is not budgeting his own account and transferring from the savings. Im so angry right now and have no one to talk to. My best fried of 30 years recently died of a massive heart attack.

Im at a loss of what to do. I know I should take his name off the accounts and give him an allowance, but that, folks, is PARENTING, not marriage. Also, its mostly his money. He is a trust finder and recently inherited 250k. 

We bought a house (finally in our 40s) and are on the road. We both have good jobs, are saving for retirement, etc. Could we spare the money out of our furniture account? Yes, but its the principle. He doesn't communicate and then throws a tantrum when I confront him. This is nothing new and has been going on for years. 

Im so upset right now I cant even write all this out. Im just tired of feeling like Im raising my husband and having to be the grown up all the time. I want to cry, scream. I feel horribly trapped when he does this. If I dont watch it, he will spend everything.

My husband is the type of man who never opens mail or pays bills. I worked very hard to get my credit up over the years so we could get a house someday. Had his credit too - until 3 years ago he opened a secret credit card and blew his credit on golf stuff. Ugh. Sorry this is a mess. Ill come back later. Please, if anyone has any advice...


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

What is he buying? Normally big purchase are bought together. On the secret credit card, was it golf things? Would he consider therapy or maybe having a limited spending amount?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kitras (Jul 8, 2013)

He's just spending it on whatever. On the secret card it was all golf games and equipment. He totally has a right to spend money, but he wont keep a budget. He just spends until he runs out and then transfers from other accounts. Weve gone to therapy. Ive also tried to have him stick to a budget and make sure he has extra cash. He agreed to go to the bank tomorrow and take his name off accounts so he only has his one checking account. I dont want this to have to happen, but I also dont want to be stressing about him spending our money allocated for other things. Hes even transferred money from the ER account for non ERs. He admitted he took the "a$$hole" way out by not telling me. Im starting to wonder whether or not he will ever grow up.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm sorry  you'll either have to control all accounts or try to , to decided what's best for you. Maybe have a secret saving account for you or separating assets/finance.

Is he trying to find happiness in his buys or competing with the jones?


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## Kitras (Jul 8, 2013)

Thanks for your thoughts. Hes doing it, I think, because he wants to and no other reason.


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## nazzan (Aug 20, 2012)

I can sympathies with you on this one....My husband and I have been together for 11yrs and married for 2 years.
He acts like we have a bottomless pit of cash. He acknowledges that he can not control the fiances so I do it, we have a business together and I give him a wage. he agreed to this but after time he started having his tantrums that he doesnt have enough money to spend...he has no bills to pay and they are all sorted out by me and through the business, so his money gets is just for him.
but he then spends from accounts we have without telling me and on crap that he has nothing to show for. 
Drives me mad....he once said to me that £600 is just a drop in the ocean! Well I dont know about anyone else but I dont think it is! 
I do hope you can sort things out. I am still trying to get it through to my husband that money doesnt grow on trees and it is OUR money to decide what to do with it together!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't look at it as parenting. Look at it as saving YOUR money from being blown. He's no different from any other predator who would steal from you. If he's consistently shown inability to control himself, take his hand off the money.


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## nazzan (Aug 20, 2012)

That is easier said than done sadly enough. 
I certainly wouldn't let him know about ALL the money you may have. I would keep a separate
account for yourself


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

It's not parenting if you talked about it as two adults and he agreed to have his name off of the account and - admitted that he overspent. He acknowledged he doesn't have as much control of his spending habits as he would like.

Just about all couples I know have one who is more frugal and one who is more of a spendthrift. When the spendthrift knows they can't maintain self control on their own, it's a good first step to give the other spouse the control, if even as a "test run". 

When two people care about preserving the marriage, they take whatever agreed upon steps that are needed to avert a bigger problem down the road. 

Keep talking with him to ensure he's comfortable with the way things are going and if not, why.


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