# Dealing with husband that won't help aroung house



## twodivorcees (Dec 17, 2013)

Have been living with husband for almost 6 years and married almost 1 year. Problems- Husband goes to work and comes straight home goes to his chair and does nothing around the house. He is sweet as long as you don't say anything to him about what he does or doesn't do. I own the house we live in and he expects me to pay half bills and buy groceries. But still he doesn't help around here. He has 2 kids and when they come here all they do ask for someone to wait on them. He is so messy and if you ask him to do something he'll give attitude. I'm really struggling.


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## HeartInPieces (Sep 13, 2013)

If you are working as well as he, then it is only fair that he does his fair share and so, if asking him to help does not work, then next the best thing to do is just cook for yourself, clean for yourself etc and let him see for himself the point! 

If you are the one working and he isn't, then do the above - for I doubt he will want to live in filth! 

Do your own things and leave him to his. Because as long as you are slaving for him, he doesn't have to change.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Do you also work outside the house?


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

Does he do other things like change the oil in the car or make household repairs?


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Stop doing anything for the kids. When they ask, point out their dad to them and tell them to bug him. You need to reestablish boundaries that you can live with. Was he like that before you married?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Did you have your eyes closed and hands over your ears for 5 years?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If you own the house, contribute towards half the bills and buy the groceries you're obviously not a SAHM. You don't need him to _'help'_ around the home - you need him to _do his share _of household duties.

It sounds like this is a talk that should have been had some years ago, but at this stage all I can suggest is that you have that talk with him now - _irrespective_ of what his attitude may or may not be.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Like someone else already suggested,stop doing stuff for his kids. They are not incapable of cleaning up after themselves and doing chores while they're visiting. If you have to, establish a chores/rewards list and post it on your fridge.Let them pick what they want to do and they get the reward assigned to that task.Try not to make it monetary or material though...reward them with experiences or free days,etc.

As for the lazy husband,Cosmos has it right. He needs to do his share. 
Make a list of every thing that needs to be done daily,weekly,monthly.Sit down with him and say "We need to divide these things up so we can work smarter,not harder.If we work together instead of pushing it off then we'll have more time to spend relaxing together."
REFUSE TO PICK UP HIS SLACK if he doesn't do his chosen tasks.I know you don't want to see dishes piling up or dust bunnies all over the place but he has to see that you're serious about the divide and conquer plan.

If he still isn't getting the message then you need to get more drastic. Stop doing ANYTHING for him and make sure he knows why so it isn't passive aggressive. Do your own laundry,cook meals for just yourself,do only your own dishes,and other things like that. Do absolutely nothing for him.

Good luck!!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Perhaps you can suggest he hire and pay for a housekeeper to do his share of the chores. 

He might see the value of doing them himself if you won't do them and he has to pay someone.


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## BlackIris (Dec 20, 2013)

Honey, you need to kick that lazy s.o.b right in the b*lls. I do a full days work and so does my partner, and when we get home we SHARE the chores because we value each other, and each others time. She tells the kids what to do (her 2 and my 1) and then we all just get on with it. It never takes more than an hour, and then we can enjoy ourselves.
I don't know how you'll educate the lazy schmuk if this is how it's been for 7 years, but you need to either try or consider trading him in for a better model. He must realise that if he's not pulling his weight, he's not irreplaceable.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

you need to give more info for people to help.

do you work? do you work as many hours as he does?

do you make as much or more money as he does?

was he always this way?

why wouldn't you pay half the bills?

hows the rest of the relationship?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm going to disagree with almost everyone. I think if you try to use a score-keeping, tit-for-tat approach, it's going to backfire and harm your relationship. 

He is who is he is, and you are not going to change that by nagging, complaining, or pointing out how YOU do things right and he doesn't!

You said you are really struggling. What do you mean by that, exactly? The answer to this question will guide what steps you can take to fix the problem. 

If you mean you're struggling to find time for yourself, for instance, but you're financially well off, then hiring someone is a solution that can stop the problem. 

If you mean you're struggling to feel important to him, that's a whole different issue.


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## daysgoneby (Aug 31, 2013)

I find my desire to do work around the home is proportional to how much sex I have. I not kidding. 2013 has been a bad year, lucky if I'm getting 15 minutes once a month so I really could care less what she wants done around the home.


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