# I'm so mad I'm shaking!



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I just checked his facebook and saw that he is still talking to the OW's sister and he is planning on being with her while I am in Virginia with my family watching my grandfather die!!!!
He kept saying that is has to be kept secret and that if I find a call or text from her, he's done!
I'm sitting at work right now trembling so bad and I want to throw up!
I thought he wanted to SAVE OUR MARRIAGE AND RECONCILE!!!


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

I'm so sorry! Can you leave work? Is there someone who can pick you up? Not sure you should be driving after such a shock. Makes me ill just thinking about how you must feel, it's so awful.

Honestly, at this point if I found out my H was still seeing the OW, I think I'd pack his bags. I don't know if you thought he was being truthful now and how much you knew of his A, but my H keeps telling me "no more bombshells". This sounds like a bombshell and I'm sure you feel like you did on d-day or worse.

Take a deep breath. You are strong. You will survive. Each time this happens he kills that part of you willing to trust and forgive, us loyals can only tolerate so much.

Take care of yourself first please, then deal with him next.

Good luck.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Sorry to hear about this, hopefully you can find someone else (even a cab) to take you home.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I still have 2 hours before I can leave so that will give me plenty of time to cool down. 
I'm ruminating on what my plan of action will be to catch him. If he knows I found out he will just change his passwords again. I'm chummy with my neighbors so I will likely ask them to keep a lookout for her POS car and if they see it to call me so I can have a witness.
the f*cker even told me he was out of town on business june 6th-10th and that I'd have to work out a sitter for the cats. 
My friend is taking the dog for me, she takes very good care of him.

When is my pain going to end? first I lob off half my fingertip, then find out my grandfather is rapidly deteriorating and I have to make an emergency flight back to Virginia, now he's planning on seeing the OW while I'm gone???

I feel like going postal!


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

Can you leave a day later then what you were planning on and catch him in the act?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Print out the chat convo w/ him and the OW sis saying "it has to be kept a secret" and outlining their plans.

When he gets hiome, have the paperwork on his nightstand with a post-it sticky saying "The secret is out."


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and tryt o remain calm when you see him. I know, easier said than done but you need to convey that you are better than him and can hold your own in a situation. He is a POS.

Is OW married? If so, copy/paste the messages to her hub/boyf.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

ladyybyrd said:


> Can you leave a day later then what you were planning on and catch him in the act?


I really can't, my grandfather is way more important than this cheating b*stard and I want to spend every waking minute with him while he's still with us


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Is OW married? If so, copy/paste the messages to her hub/boyf.


Yes she is married with 2 young children. this is what my DH told me...(never believed him) that she fessed up to her H and he forgave her. Sure! They ran into my DH at the store and both the daughter and her H said "Hi, How are you?". Now, why would the OW's husband even conceive of trying to make polite conversation with my DH if he knew of their affair?

Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Big hugs to you Craggy. You can and will get through this. Do not let him see you sweat.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Craggy456 said:


> Yes she is married with 2 young children. this is what my DH told me...(never believed him) that she fessed up to her H and he forgave her. Sure! They ran into my DH at the store and both the daughter and her H said "Hi, How are you?". Now, why would the OW's husband even conceive of trying to make polite conversation with my DH if he knew of their affair?


Because she never told him. 

Print out the convo. For real. Then forward it also to her husband STAT. Today. Right now. Attach it with a note saying: 

_It's recently come to my attention my husband and your wife have resumed their affair and they have plans to meet up (see below)... 

**In this space include the chat/convo outlining their future meet up**

They have been having an affair that goes back to Month/Date. I found out about it when ____. Your wife told my husband that she had told you about it and you forgave her. 

If you are aware then I am sure this probably doesn't come as a shock to you but as one betrayed spouse to another, I feel you have a right to know. If you were not aware of this, I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you.

Feel free to write me back.

Sincerely,

Craggy_

SEND IT NOW!


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Since I have no clue what his email address is, I'm making a copy of it and mailing it to him.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

If you do snail mail, she might get to it first.

Can you find OW on FB through your H's account? If so, see if you can find the OW's H that way or google him? You'd be surprised by the information you can find, you might get his email that way. Or send it via mail to his work. You don't want OW to get it first.


Agree you shouldn't wait, but I could see waiting until her H has this information. That way he can do some checking up on her before your H sounds the alarm bells. Except I don't know how you could stand to be around your lying spouse and act like nothing new was discovered. I'm p!$$ed and it's not even my H!


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

It's never going to end until you set a stiff ultimatum, and keep to it. Honestly, how can you keep being with him, if he is only going to go back on his word concerning no contact?????????


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do not snail mail.
Can you find him on FB and email him??? Phone #?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Find a way to contact the husband. Even if you need to call him on his home phone, just beware of caller ID and call from a smart location. he needs to know, and it sounds like he does not.

Good luck


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Her husband isn't on her facebook and I do have his home # but I never know when she will answer or him. I can print labels from work that look like something sent from a business. I can't use my home computers because DH has them password protected and I can't use them...I kinda prefer to use the comp at work anyway so DH can't track me tracking him. I fear that if I let the OW's H know he will call me a liar (even with proof) or say he doesn't care, then where would I be? This is going to take serious planning


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Can you call their house and block your #?

If OW's H is told what is going on and says you're a liar (even with proof) then he is an idiot. And that is not your problem.

I say tell him. Fast.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I think if you dial *67 before the number, it will block your number from showing up. I would copy the proof and keep it safe as evidence for my lawyer.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Well I devised a plan tonight to confront him again and I hope it worked. I printed out his convo woth OW sis and had my coworker write PI type crap on the top, claimed I got in the mail. I brought it home and he read it for maybe 30 seconds before tearing it up.(must apologize I am typing thid from my phone). So...he said that everything he wrote to the sister was when he was drunk and that he has deleted all contacts with her. I put in easy attack mode "if you want to save this marriage and love me fully then you will cut off all contact with her and her family and start MC, OR I can divorce u now and take you for everything ur worth so u can have ur crippled mistress ans her 2 dysfunctional children. Within 5 minuted he sent a msg to the sister that he will not communicate with her or the OW because its ruining our marriage and it's killing me and he can't stand putting me thru this anymore
He defriended her from facebook and has given me all his passwords and before I could mention it, "ask our neighbors to spy on me, I'm not hiding anything anymore"
We shall see..again sorry for typos, this missing fingertip and tiny letters on the phone are tough


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I, too, am so sorry for you - and angry for you as well!
After being confronted the first time, he didn't stop.
Now, after being caught, he claims he will?
I smell him merely taking a break, and driving his activities further underground -- not changing his way of thinking. He is only caught, not remorseful from what I'm reading... he'll cut off contact because it's ruining his marriage and hurting you -- not because he wants to.... he doesn't WANT to stop, he feels like he HAS to stop (for now)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear you confronted him. 

Hope you made a copy of the chat/texts. 

You still need to tell OW's H. Immediately.

What was your husband's reaction/face when you gave him the papers?


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

i couldn't write much last night from my phone but we did talk about it for a good hour or so. He claims that when he talked to the OW's sister, it was very late at night and he was drunk and says he doesn't remember much about what was said. (don't really believe that)

However, when I brought up again that he has repeatedly put this on me and said that it was my fault for pushing him into this, he came back with "It's not you, I'm the only one to blame for this. It was stupid and I knew you would eventually catch me"

He said that he has had no contact with her, he showed me that there were no phone #'s or email addy's and gave me all of his passwords. He told me he really does love me and that he wants to make this marriage work and has agreed to MC.

Maybe 5 minutes after our talk, I relaxed on the couch and he logged onto Facebook and sent the OW's sister a message to the effect of (and he did let me read it) that he was going to defriend her and to tell her sister to make no contact of any kind whether directly or indirectly, that it's tearing me apart and he doesn't want to see me in pain anymore. He knows the anguish I'm feeling about my grandfather dying and he doesn't want to couple that with his feelings for the OW.

Tonight, I am going to tell him that if he really is going to out of town on business while I'm away, then he gets to ask the neighbors to cat sit. Vs what would be me asking then he turns around and says to the neighbors "No I'm not really going out of town so you don't need to cat sit. He showed me his work schedule and I know there is NO way he can fake that-he really is going out of town.

So we will see if he really is sincere this time.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What was your husband's reaction/face when you gave him the papers?


He read a few lines then tore up the papers. acted stunned, blinking alot and darting his eyes (I knew that's what he would do)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I will never forget the look on my ex's face when I handed him the printed out personal profile he placed on a dating site. 

I said "What's this?" He got very quiet and just..but...wha...I...

LOL


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

What I found most interesting in the convo with DH and the sis is that the OW's family hates ME for not letting my DH continue their affair.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Classy bunch, yeah?


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Classy bunch, yeah?


They're all from England (probably the poor part) and my friend and I call them gypsies.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

"No I'm not really going out of town so you don't need to cat sit."- So he WAS gonna go see her if you hadn't caught him. What a piece of work your husband is. You can never let your guard down with this one- trust me, so why live like this?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

this is why I kicked my H out, I don't need to worry about him anymore at this point. I will NOT engage in toxic crap with him, as he doesn't seem to realize he is justifying, blameshifting, deflecting, **** like that. Honestly, I would ask him to leave, I had enough of the lies, you don't deserve it. I have told my H I will treat you the way i treat a stranger, polite and cordial, that is it, and it seems to bother him. I have to do that, just a suggestion.

My H wants to be "friends" at this point, just not sure how involved as friends. I said I cannot be friends with someone I cannot trust, and reiterated that if he wants me in his life at all, the sources of hurt need to be gone, regardless of where we end up.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Nice para... you're finally standing up for what you want and deserve in life. Really happy for you.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

We are currently searching for cheap MC's as our insurance doesn't cover things like that. He's being open and honest with me and for the first time, my gut is telling me he really does want to work this out. 
He can't fake his work schedule and he really is going to be out of town for that week, so that takes a little bit of sweat off my brow.


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