# Future alone looks very scary...



## amigo21 (Apr 2, 2009)

Hi,

Filed for divorce 2 weeks back.
Still not able to accept the fact that I am going thru this...

I loved him so dearly.
Could not control myself, called him up today. But he treated me very cheaply in front of his friends.

Dont see any future in this relationship.
But not able to accept that I am alone now and I have my whole future in front of me but without him...

Please help me...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Who filed for divorce? And what were the reasons? How did your relationship change? Why does he not trust you?


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

I know it is so painful to lose someone you love I just lost my wife to another man and we are getting a divorce but i beleive everything happens for a reason i also have to face life alone for the first time in a long time now but some day I beleive God will give me back what has been taken from me and next time it will be bettter One thing I have learned is we absolutly cannot control what another person does what ever it may be and we sometimes will never truly understand why they do what they do we can only control ourselves and be the best person we can be and if they dont like it that is their problem not ours you will find love again I garantee that you are young and have a long life ahead of you you will some day I promise look back and be soooo glad this didnt work out because you will have found a better person in your life be strong and love who you are for you cant love someone else unless you love yourself everything will just fine you will be ok and stronger after this is all over GOD bless you


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

but your life would be a scary one, had you have stayed in the relationship.
who knows you might get back.
i suggest you keep your self as busy as. you never really knows whats around the corner.
in order to live with yourself , you have to like yourself.
your fella sucked the energy out of you and you just have to find a renewed energy and you will.
you havent live enough yet - so get out and start having some fun.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I know how painful all of this is. You really need to focus on yourself and not him. Just remember a different path can be better path!

Now to answer the question in your last post.... I'm not sure what a "borderline male" is. True, there are many personality disorders among us and HE could have one. However, HE could care less. My estranged husband has a personality disorder, but he won't admit it or seek treatment. Therefore, as far as I'm concerned it is irrelevant. For there to be "hope" in your situation, he would have to want help--and he clearly doesn't. Just remember, God gave each of us "free will". And because of that each of us can make our own decisions and follow our heart.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

emotionally your not ready to face the future for obvious reasons.
just allow yourself to go through your own grieving process. you have alot to deal with on many levels.

just focus for the moment on keeping busy and dealing with ordinary daily issues.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

amigo21,

thank you for posting on my thread and I am so sorry to read what you are going through... to be honest there is no easy way to forget about someone at least in my opinion.. I have tried all that you suggested above only thinking about the bad times but still find it difficult to forget all the good ones.. I struggle with all the questions you have and dont have an answer for you... Time is all I can say that will help. Eventually you will come to a point where you are tired of hurting and thinking about him and then you will be ready to move on.....

I dont believe you will ever forget him.... I know in my case I will always have feelings for my wife and hopefully as time goes on those feelings will diminish but never truly go away.... I wish I had better advice for you on your situation... I appreciated the comment about being an inspiration to you... thats nice to hear but also sad in the sense that I didnt want to be an inspiration to someone else going through this.....I wish you the best and hope that you find peace within your heart and mind...Something I have yet to find in either....

Best wishes...
Skin.............


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

amigo21 said:


> They are always the "takers". As long as we can provide them with all that they want, they remain with us. Else, GoodBye.


Sadly this is so true but dont look at it as a mistake.... It should be looked at as a learning experience.. We will come through this much stronger emotionally than ever before..

They will not learn from their mistakes and will continue repeating them over and over... We will be better equiped to really give someone who wants to be loved our love and support...

I even mentioned to my wife that she will never find someone that loved her as much as I or will ever put up with as much as I did....... She had nothing to say.....

I believe the reason its so easy for them is they never truly gave us their hearts... I have often doubted my stbxw motives looking back.... she wanted out of the marriage she was in.... the red flags were there........ I ignored them ... next time I wont...

You will survive this amigo21  and will be a much wiser and more careful next time you let someone have you heart.... your still young and have a long life ahead of you........ Sadly I am afraid the bitterness and hurt will keep me from ever truly loving again..........

That and giving away half my stuff.........  lol...


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

No need to thank me amigo21,

I would look into whether legally it is all his... I wouldn't walk away with just your clothes.. if you put as much into the house as him its only fair.....

I would talk with someone maybe some free legal advice look online for your state.. ifs its a community state your entitled to half no matter what...

Keep up your great attitude... you will find some *LUCKY* man to share the rest of your life with... Learn to look out for the subtle signs... You will be much happier oneday......... I know I can sense it in your posts........

Keep smiling and now that there are much better days ahead for both of us..........


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

amigo21 said:


> thanks again skin  i m sure u will find somebody who really respects you and your feelings too.
> 
> as for the things, he fights dirty, his only intention is to hurt me. i have come to a stage where i find anything that belongs to that house as dirt.
> but i'll try to get as much as possible. atleast that would save me some money i need to invest in making a new house for myself...
> ...


 thanks we can only hope so....... I sent you a PM...


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

amigo21 said:


> Hi skinman.. I am new to this, so dont know what a PM means? Please explain...


 its a private message... look up in the right corner where it says member area... you should see a 1........


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Amigo21,

so sorry your having such a tough time with all that is going on... I have been in your place and know exactly how you feel... Sometimes we never get the closure that we search for.. In my case I was told it was all me and i was the reason that she wanted out.. for the longest time her story never changed and her anger and bitterness towards me increased... To this day i have never even gotten an apology and its been 5 months since it started... Since then i found oput she was seeing someone else.....

You may never get the closure that you seek... Concnetrate in you find something to occupy your time.. sitting around moping and feeling sorry for yourself will not help.. belive me I did my fare share of just that...try and keep your thoughts to your future.. you have so much life ahead of you think of what you want it to be and go fo it.......... 

hang in there my prayers are with you.........

Skin...


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You really need to see a counselor. How can you love someone who treats you like this? You seem to have extremely low self-esteem and with a good counselor, that can change. You need to take care of YOURSELF. Being with a person who has mental health issues they refuse to address is totally toxic; it's a form of abuse. You cannot let yourself get sucked back into this relationship. You are a valuable, caring person. CARE FOR YOURSELF now. Take all the time you need to heal, and you will have much happier life in the long run. If you don't, you will make the same mistake over and over again. May God bless you with the strength to move forward and away from this person who is poisoning your life.


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## toomanytears (Apr 15, 2009)

Amigo....Do not, I repeat DO NOT....write down on paper admitting sorry for something you did not do! This is only fuel for his lawyer! Seriously ask yourself this....when you look back on your relationship, were you really happy being controlled by and accused of things you weren't guilty of???

I agree that you should continue with counseling. Would you really be happy to go back and be the only one trying in the marriage? Him treating you the same way??


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## toomanytears (Apr 15, 2009)

I understand your position. My husband and I spent 16 together and he is treating me the same. I am in a funk myself but my husband has another woman and between how he has treated me in the past, definitely now and his infidelity, I am ANGRY! Still depressed but angry! We both deserve better than this.


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