# Lying by omission.



## Bedsonfire (Feb 3, 2019)

Hi all. I have a question I sort of know the answer to. Been with my wife for over a decade, one toddler and another kid on the way. Both working professionals, but we have reasonable schedules- 8-9 to occasionally 10 hour workdays. Both exercise regularly, own a house, feel pretty good about our life. Our son is joy and an easy kid so far. I think my wife feels the same about our life too.

The punchline is that I’ve occasionally been smoking pot when everyone else is asleep and not telling my wife there is even pot in our house. She would absolutely not approve. She knows I did a lot of drugs during college and was a heavy drinker, but assumes no drugs since then. I was a regular pot smoker in college but since have smoked probably an average of only 1-2 times a year, like when hanging out with old friends. Never mentioned any of those times to my wife. But we are near the border of a state where pot is legal. I have to drive semi-regularly for work and a few times recently I’ve had to drive near the border of pot state and bought some to bring back. I don’t go regularly, so there have been months between purchases, I.e., I buy some, smoke it over 2-3 weeks, then go a month before I’m back near the other state. 

It gets worse. I sometimes take kratom without telling my wife, again in the evenings. For those who are unfamiliar, it’s a legal plant that has opiate-like effects. It acts on the brain in a very similar manner, all things considered, most undoubtedly has a strong effect, and for whatever reason has escaped illegality in all but a few states. It’s sold in gas stations and head shops. 

Both my wife and I drink (obv not her right now because she’s pregnant). We drink two drinks a night on average. We go to bed by 11 pm. I feel we are both productive. We do household chores equally and take care of our son equally. At least an hour each day after work I’m play with my son, and I mean play, not just watch over. Point being, I don’t feel what I’m doing above is negatively impacting our life. But it’s so dishonest. Even if we assume what I’m doing is as acceptable morally and health-wise as those two drinks, my wife would never be ok with it on moral grounds alone. We aren’t particularly religious, although I went to catholic school most of my childhood. Thus when I say moral grounds is not underpinned by a religious notion of bad behavior. She’s just a goodie goodie. I know the answer is to stop, or if I actually felt it was important enough to do(I don’t) to tell my wife and let the chips fall where they may, but it seems so harmless even though it’s a big lie by omission. How bad of a husband am I being?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

It sounds like your wife would be REALLY upset to find this out and would be very hurt.
Is getting high worth THAT to you? Is it worth wrecking your marriage when she says she can't trust you any more?
That she isn't sure if ANYTHING that you've told her is the truth?

Look up the health effects of kratom -- I just did. They don't look pretty and YOU HAVE CHILDREN. Do you really want to risk your health to get high? If your kids eventually find out, do you want THAT as the example of the kids -- Dad getting high in the garage, or worse getting busted in front of them by cops???

Man up, you need to be RESPONSIBLE -- for your wife, and for your family. To me, it's just not worth it. Enjoy a drink or two and leave it at that.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> It sounds like your wife would be REALLY upset to find this out and would be very hurt.
> Is getting high worth THAT to you? Is it worth wrecking your marriage when she says she can't trust you any more?
> That she isn't sure if ANYTHING that you've told her is the truth?
> 
> ...


 @jlg07 beat me to it! ^^^^^^^^^^^^ What you did as student and what you do as adult should be two different things. What do you love more--drugs or family? If you don't learn to 'relax' and how to cope now without drugs when will you? If you smoked weed before the age of 25, your brain may be frozen in immaturity. Gotta do some work on that. Worst thing is you KNOW what we are going to say and can't make a moral decision--where is your character hiding?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Bedsonfire said:


> Hi all. I have a question I sort of know the answer to. Been with my wife for over a decade, one toddler and another kid on the way. Both working professionals, but we have reasonable schedules- 8-9 to occasionally 10 hour workdays. Both exercise regularly, own a house, feel pretty good about our life. Our son is joy and an easy kid so far. I think my wife feels the same about our life too.
> 
> The punchline is that I’ve occasionally been smoking pot when everyone else is asleep and not telling my wife there is even pot in our house. She would absolutely not approve. She knows I did a lot of drugs during college and was a heavy drinker, but assumes no drugs since then. I was a regular pot smoker in college but since have smoked probably an average of only 1-2 times a year, like when hanging out with old friends. Never mentioned any of those times to my wife. But we are near the border of a state where pot is legal. I have to drive semi-regularly for work and a few times recently I’ve had to drive near the border of pot state and bought some to bring back. I don’t go regularly, so there have been months between purchases, I.e., I buy some, smoke it over 2-3 weeks, then go a month before I’m back near the other state.
> 
> ...


You're putting your career and family in jeopardy. It's only a matter of time before you get caught transporting it, and who knows whether they can add trafficking charges since you brought it in from another state. The happy state of your life could be turned on it's head in an instant, all so you can get high? It isn't worth it dude.

Find something to replace it with. When you feel tempted to get it, treat yourself to a bottle of your favorite... whatever. Or to your favorite meal. I'd also recommend you stop hanging out with your friends that smoke weed. They'll only drag you down.

You also need to tell your wife. Always be transparent with your woman. If you're struggling, tell her. If you're at the shop about to buy some more, call her and let her talk you out of it. Don't let deception steal your wife's trust.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

To me lying by omission depends on the topic. If the omission involves something that affects the other person (like money, an affair, etc), then I see it as lying. If it doesn't (like imagining having sex with dorothy from wizard of oz when you masturbate) then I don't see it as lying.

I think drug use can affect her - especially if it is illegal in your area.


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