# new to this



## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

I am new to this forum but I need some one to talk to. I love my husband very much but everytime we are around a group of people he makes me look like a total ass. He tells stupid stories and humiliates me. This happened just yesterday on Easter. My father had people over that i hadnt seen in years and my husband was outside telling everyone about something totally stupid i did. I am so mad right now. I would love for him to be proud of me and maybe have something positive to say but he never can!


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

Does he know why you are mad at him right now??? if he does not really get it he wont change...

What he is doing is not fair on you as it is bringing you as a person down and nobody has the right to do that esp to thier SO...

Have you talked to him and been totally honest about the way that it makes you feel when he does this? I am sure that if he knew how sad and humiliated you feel when he acts like this he would stop doing it...He clearly thinks it or he is funny, and does not understand he is not..
Talk to him and let him know that if he does it again he wont be invited out with you again untill he can learn to act appropriatly...i am sure then he will get the messgae.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

I told him but what I say to him falls on deaf ears. I honestly feel alone even when I'm around 20 people. Uneasy is another word. We have had this discussion several times before. His defense is if I didnt do stupid **** he wouldn't have said it--now how much sense does that make? I think for awhile I will go to my families alone and he can go to his alone.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Ansley, coming from a husband who used to be an ass like this to his wife. You two need to learn how to communicate better. I used to do stuff like this - not meaning to be mean - just tell ing a funny story and "picking" on her a bit. In all honesty my intention was not to hurt her. I now know that I was and feel badly about it - I tend to use me in my funny stories now  and build her up in others.

How did I get there? Well, by the marriage nearly ending. OK so if you hit him over the head with a 2x4 it may give you a head start. Until we learned to communicate better with each other, both me in my hearing and her in her presentation, my poor wife was in your shoes.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

thank you! I dont think my husband is trying to outright hurt me. I am mainly upset because my dad and I havent seen eye to eye recently so that gave him some fuel hes been looking for and of course seeing realtives I havent seen in years upset me. I know I need to care more about my marriage that what others think. I get so jealous when I hear men talking so highly of their wives. I always think to myself "wouldnt that be nice to be spoken of highly"


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

And quite honestly you should be jealous. I'm sure my wife was too! Seriously, it is fair to see his side in that he wasn't "trying" to hurt you, on the other hand he is. He needs to know that and understand that even though it isn't intentional that it still does hurt. He needs to know that maybe if you heard 10 stories of how wonderful you were told and another 5 of the super things you did for him that maybe the one about the oopsy wouldn't be so bad, it might even go unnoticed, but that right now things aren't that way.

PS - If he is anything like me, he'll have to work on NO joke stories for a while until it is out of his normal habit.

Time to open up lines of communication. Combine it with lots of love, definitely make sure it doesn't sound like you are scolding the children ( we may act like them and even deserve scolded like them sometimes but there is probably no better way to get me us to shut off our hearing system than that).

Seriously though, don't fool yourself into letting it go "It's not that big of deal" because stuff like this tends to grow and add up and cause a divide between you much larger than the original "Its not that big of a deal"

As per the him saying he's proud of you...do you make it a practice to do this for him? If not, do so, maybe he'll love it and catch on. If not, after you've done it for a while some time ask him. "How did it make you feel when I told that story of you?" He maytell you how it made him feel special.. or he may give a "I don't know .. no big deal" sort of answer. Either way you now have the opportunity to tell him "I would feel VERY special if told a story about me like that. Not saying you have to feel special about me telling the story, just letting you know, if you wanna brag on me, I'm all up for that"

Good luck


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

thank you! yep I'm pretty *****y when confronting problems. Guess I better work on myself too!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Most people who joke at other people's expense do so because they think it makes THEM look better. As in, look how dumb she is but I still stick by her.

Tell him that you understand he means no harm, but he DOES HARM YOU. And because of that, from now on, each time he starts doing this, you will be leaving the situation, and he will be left there to explain himself. Always keep the keys in your pocket so you can leave such situations. He will learn.


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