# Is he trying to teach me a "lesson"



## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

I'll try to be as concise and understandable as possible, but I have to provide back story for context.

The trait that will shine through in this story is my husband way of behaving that he still is a teenager. And that I am sick of saying "No" when I shouldn't have have to mention the word.

My husband and I have a very stress filled job our work is essentially our home, our home is our workplace. To make matter even significantly worse, a new company has purchased the property, we we got forced into taking a huge pay cut, with the same amount of the expenses going out. We are trying to readjust and budget the household. 

Now to my point, my husband works hard, so very very hard the brunt of the crap falls upon him. However periodically through the year (almost of entire 12 year relationship) this sense of entitlement where he can just screw off, do what he likes, spend our last god damn dollar comes from the blue. Well not the blue usually its his birthday or a weekend we may have off.

But now since his birthday it is happened twice, out all night and spending our money, as yesterday he worked with friends to make extra money, then came home after being late, then within 20 mins of being in the house left for a friends house. He came home at 6 am...............................

So to the lesson part, I don't know if these recent episodes are about me doing the one thing that pumps me up for work in the morning, I do it habitually, its the only outlet I have, I also will do it after dinner, however our kids are fed he is fed, our house in reasonable condition, and I need something...something to unwind.

When he came home I told point blank to avoid getting upset and angry that I didn't want to know what he did, with who, or where and just to go to bed and leave me alone. Yelling, crying, arguing hasn't gotten me anywhere in 12 yrs, nor has reminding him that he is not single, he has children, nevermind me, and I have no real social life, no time and don't blame him for it....

I think this may just be the pattern of my life, but I'm still bitter


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Michie said:


> So to the lesson part, I don't know if these recent episodes are about me doing the *one thing that pumps me up *for work in the morning, I do it habitually, its the only outlet I have, I also will do it after dinner, however our kids are fed he is fed, our house in reasonable condition, and I need something...something to unwind.


What is that one thing?


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

Embarrassing because I'm a 30 yr old woman, but I game. Mostly Mass Effect 3 multiplayer.

We are a family of gamers, however I did not treat him poorly when I got treated to long night sessions of him playing Halo Reach til the wee hours of the morning.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Why do you connect the two - your gaming, his recent outings & spending _our money_? Was there an argument about it and he went out? Also, does he view it as _our money_? 



> nor has reminding him that he is not single, he has children, nevermind me, and I have no real social life, no time and don't blame him for it....
> 
> I think this may just be the pattern of my life, but I'm still bitter


If you are bitter, who do you blame? I know I'm just asking questions & not providing any advice/suggestions, but I think you need to figure out why you're bitter - focus on you.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

I'm bitter at the selfishness, the sense of self entitlement, the total neglect of self control and forethought. And the only thing that has come to me is to stop getting so very painfully angry at him and just let it go. I'm not trying to be "passive aggreesive" just sucking it up and giving what he wants, even if it not what he needs and certainly screws with us and our finances.

Why did I connect the two, from a snide comment last week, however I did not act nor change my time to play, because I need to play, its either that or taking up drinking. lol

**update -- He sincerely apologized, however I know from past experience that this will occur again, he cannot help himself, enter that sense of entitlement. This is why I don't like single children families, it almost always leads to "single child syndrome" as I titled it. (Obviously I don't believe all single children grow up to be selfish jerks)


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