# Need a mans perspective..is he still cheating?



## Solostrightnow (8 mo ago)

Hey everyone. Figured I could do with a mans perspective. If you were my husband and you were done with the ow..you’d delete all contact details? Or if you would keep, why would you? 
A couple of years ago I found messages on my husbands phone to another woman. These messages were highly emotional, more so than he ever has with me - and alluding to their affair also being physical. i confronted him and we spoke about saving our marriage. I thought she had been deleted. 
I have just discovered, he has KEPT her number. If it was over, why is her number there?
I keep numbers of people I never speak to. But not someone who almost cost our marriage. Or am I being stupid here? That as long as they aren’t speaking then it’s ok? To me that makes no sense?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Men keep "trophies". This is especially true of men who participate in sinister activities. The contact details provide a "trigger" through which he can re-live the thrills.



Solostrightnow said:


> That as long as they aren’t speaking then it’s ok?


Yes. Although I have no written record of it anymore (?) I can tell you the phone number of my girlfriend from 1971. I remember it vividly because I used to dial it on a coin telephone and deposit $ 2.75 for the first 3 minutes. (this is $ 19.87 today by the consumer price index) But I never called her, not one single time. Not in 5 decades. It is most decidedly "ok" that I remember. It has utterly no effect on my marriage or any aspect of it. In reality, if I had married her, it would not have been good. I was 19.

Judge his trustworthiness by his specific actions. Requiring him to destroy contact information in front of you will be completely unsatisfying and will only provoke you to "snoop" to see if he has actually let go of it. It's a "set-up" you create for yourself that falls under the heading "pain-shopping".


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You have had loads of helpful replies about this and what to do next in your other thread. No one here can tell you for sure but you can find out if you do some investigating.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> You have had loads of helpful replies about this and what to do next in your other thread. No one here can tell you for sure but you can find out if you do some investigating.


Quoted for emphasis.

@Solostrightnow You will hear the same things here as in your other thread. Yes it’s a horrible thing for him to do and you’re right to be mad about it. What exactly it means is subjective and I think you’ve heard a wide range of thoughts about it. In the end, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do next.

I suggest you read your other thread again, consider all the replies there, and then pick the one or two that seem the most right to you for your situation. Follow those suggestions or ask for more clarification. When that’s done, keep posting there and then do the same thing again (read, consider, choose, act). TAM is really good at helping people, but only you can do the actual work. You just need to be strong and do it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Solostrightnow As you have already received male and female perspectives on your situation, this thread is now being closed down.

It's quite probably your husband is cheating, but you need to obtain evidence. 

You should look at hiring an investigator. Please check out these resources 








The Association of British Investigators


Private investigation is unregulated, and plagued by rogue operators. The Association of British Investigators is a standard bearer and a voice for change.




www.theabi.org.uk













World Association of Professional Investigators | Private Detective & Private Investigator Association


The World Association of Professional Investigators, WAPI, Is a professional investigator Association formed by professionals, for professionals. Effective results from professional members.




wapi.org





Good luck. I hope you are wrong, but fear you are right.


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