# Three sum?



## justme05 (Jan 30, 2012)

So my H and I are curious to have a 3sum with another woman, as much as I want to I don't want him to like it too much and not want me anymore. Has anyone tried it? Bad idea?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

bad idea.
why bring a 3rd party into your marriage?
dont love each other?


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## justme05 (Jan 30, 2012)

Just curious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Consider it the start of the end of your marriage.

The fact that you're even considering it though is probably already a good sign that you won't last.

There's a lot of things that people are curious about that they aren't stupid enough to try in real life. 3some's are usually in that category.

How is your marriage otherwise? Your life?


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

COguy said:


> Consider it the start of the end of your marriage.
> 
> The fact that you're even considering it though is probably already a good sign that you won't last.
> 
> ...


What COguy said:iagree:


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## justme05 (Jan 30, 2012)

Ouch. Our marriage is fine just a thought we both shared
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

thoughts can be dangerous.
why mess with something thats not broken...yet.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

BAD BAD idea. If you're looking for hell yeah's, I think there's other forums for that.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

justme05 said:


> Ouch. Our marriage is fine just a thought we both shared
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take the emotion out of it, picture that your friends are asking you for advice on the same topic. Really think through it. Not just the sex act but after that. How your friend would feel after the fact. How she would feel about what she did, how her husband felt about it, how she felt about her husband. The jealousy. The emotions that would get stirred up from the third party, your friend, and her husband. How it would lead to other things. What effect it would have on the marriage and their regular sex life.

Spend a good 15-20 minutes just thinking about how the marriage would look AFTER the act was over. The realistic outcomes. And then tell us that for even one second you think that this could in any way be a remotely good idea.

Keep it a fantasy, roleplay if you have to, but don't be an idiot. For every one marriage that makes it through something like that, there's about 9,999 that end up divorced or miserable. The small payoff during the act is never going to overcome the myriad of negative consequences. It is much like drug abuse. First hit is great, everything after that is just chasing until you hit rock bottom.


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## bclemmons (Jan 20, 2012)

I gotta agree with everyone else here. I expect what sounds exciting in one's head will create some imagery in one's head that you can't get rid of. For example, the vision of my wife really mugging down with another guy, and being an active participant isn't an image I could deal with. I expect it would be the case with my wife too, even if she didn't realize it before hand. And once you've gone there, you can't "un-go" there. It's done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> thoughts can be dangerous.
> why mess with something thats not broken...yet.


Wow, that is a recipe for a dull sexlife.

There are many couples who have enjoyed threesomes for many years and there are couples whose marriages have been destroyed by this kind of thing. The key is honesty, openness and a rock-solid relationship to start with.

If you like I will introduce you to a woman who has been sleeping with other men for 30 years, with her husbands approval, and she has a marriage that I envy.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> If you like I will introduce you to a woman who has been sleeping with other men for 30 years, with her husbands approval, and she has a marriage that I envy.


no, thats ok.
wouldnt even want to be in the same room with her, let alone have sex with her.
thats just nasty.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> no, thats ok.
> wouldnt even want to be in the same room with her, let alone have sex with her.
> thats just nasty.


I'll let her know.

The point is you can't be prescriptive. Absolute statements about what will and won't destroy your marriage are worthless.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> I'll let her know.
> 
> The point is you can't be prescriptive. Absolute statements about what will and won't destroy your marriage are worthless.


just stating the facts, it would destroy a relationship of mine, especially if i loved my partner.
to me, it shows no love.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

COguy said:


> Take the emotion out of it, picture that your friends are asking you for advice on the same topic. Really think through it. Not just the sex act but after that. How your friend would feel after the fact. How she would feel about what she did, how her husband felt about it, how she felt about her husband. The jealousy. The emotions that would get stirred up from the third party, your friend, and her husband. How it would lead to other things. What effect it would have on the marriage and their regular sex life.
> 
> Spend a good 15-20 minutes just thinking about how the marriage would look AFTER the act was over. The realistic outcomes. And then tell us that for even one second you think that this could in any way be a rem 6otely good idea.
> 
> Keep it a fantasy, roleplay if you have to, but don't be an idiot. For every one marriage that makes it through something like that, there's about 9,999 that end up divorced or miserable. The small payoff during the act is never going to overcome the myriad of negative consequences. It is much like drug abuse. First hit is great, everything after that is just chasing until you hit rock bottom.


I'm really curious where you got you stats from.

As an FYI, my GF and I had a threesome/ foursome this fall, after talking about it for awhile. And we had a fairly painful discussion after the fact. It's one thing to think about seeing your partner with someone else, but quite another when it really happens. In the end, I think we came out stronger, and plan on trying it again, but there's definitely risk involved.

And keep in mind that this was" just" with my GF. I love her an awful lot, but we've only got about a year invested into each other, and no kids, mortgage, etc. Would I gamble a marriage on it? I'd have to be pretty damn confident with our communication and security of both of us. I was very comfortable in our communication, and we did work it out, but it could have backfired.

C


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

COguy said:


> Consider it the start of the end of your marriage.


I was actually talking about that kind of absolute statement. I understand it is not for you and it is risky, but there are risks involved in getting in a rut, as many on this forum have found out. 

If we never took risks the human race would have died out by now.

I would recommend that the OP have a scan through Dan Savage's letters and podcasts on this subject. Funny and informative.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

Well..new here to this forum and site....but here goes nothing. My wife and I have been married for over 18 years, and we always talked about inviting another man or woman into our bed for the fun of it. Why? Cause we both thought it would be hot to watch and participate.

So after talking about it for a few years, we decided to try it. Well..it was great...I got to not only have my wife, but also her best girlfriend. The wife got a threesome with me and a friend. See..the key here was the fact that we talked it all out first, and we trust each other. If you dont have trust, believe me dont do this.

We set rules...first..you got to trust each other, we always play together, we dont go behind each others backs, and who ever we did it with there could never be strings or feelings. It was all just for the fun of it all. Guess what? Three years later, we still do it, not all the time, but maybe three or four times a year. Hey..its just sex thats all..nothing more and nothing less.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> I'll let her know.
> 
> The point is you can't be prescriptive. Absolute statements about what will and won't destroy your marriage are worthless.


No they aren't. Your logic is flawed here.

The facts that's no one can argue is that threesome do in fact deal death blows to many many marriages. 

The opposite is not true: No marriages have been dealt a death blow buy not having threesomes.

There is a small subset of the people on the Internet which love to post on how wonderful threesomes, swing, poly are. They put lots of pressure on people to jump in and try it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> Well..new here to this forum and site....but here goes nothing. My wife and I have been married for over 18 years, and we always talked about inviting another man or woman into our bed for the fun of it. Why? Cause we both thought it would be hot to watch and participate.
> 
> So after talking about it for a few years, we decided to try it. Well..it was great...I got to not only have my wife, but also her best girlfriend. The wife got a threesome with me and a friend. See..the key here was the fact that we talked it all out first, and we trust each other. If you dont have trust, believe me dont do this.
> 
> We set rules...first..you got to trust each other, we always play together, we dont go behind each others backs, and who ever we did it with there could never be strings or feelings. It was all just for the fun of it all. Guess what? Three years later, we still do it, not all the time, but maybe three or four times a year. Hey..its just sex thats all..nothing more and nothing less.


its all fun and games til one of you get bit in the ass.
it may take a while, but the odds are against this staying all peaches and cream.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> No they aren't. Your logic is flawed here.
> 
> The facts that's no one can argue is that threesome do in fact deal death blows to many many marriages.


The fact that there are many marriages which survive and thrive while having threesome DOES prove that you can't make an absolute statement about what will and won't destroy a marriage.

No flaw in the logic. You are making an inductive reasoning error, i.e. All the swans I have seen are white, therefore all swans are white.

Doesn't work. Not all marriages are destroyed by threesomes.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> Well..new here to this forum and site....but here goes nothing. My wife and I have been married for over 18 years, and we always talked about inviting another man or woman into our bed for the fun of it. Why? Cause we both thought it would be hot to watch and participate.
> 
> So after talking about it for a few years, we decided to try it. Well..it was great...I got to not only have my wife, but also her best girlfriend. The wife got a threesome with me and a friend. See..the key here was the fact that we talked it all out first, and we trust each other. If you dont have trust, believe me dont do this.
> 
> We set rules...first..you got to trust each other, we always play together, we dont go behind each others backs, and who ever we did it with there could never be strings or feelings. It was all just for the fun of it all. Guess what? Three years later, we still do it, not all the time, but maybe three or four times a year. Hey..its just sex thats all..nothing more and nothing less.


I would be interested to hear what your wife has to say about it, assuming you didn't know what she was saying.

And johnnycomelately, I would like to see the source of your 'fact' that "many marriages survive and thrive" during and after this type of thing. You two are both making absolute statements that it's hard to back up. Even 'fact' sources are often flawed. How can you ever get true statistics on something that involves peoples feelings? Or that someone will give different answers to, depending whether their spouse is present?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> I would be interested to hear what your wife has to say about it, assuming you didn't know what she was saying.
> 
> And johnnycomelately, I would like to see the source of your 'fact' that "many marriages survive and thrive" during and after this type of thing. You two are both making absolute statements that it's hard to back up. Even 'fact' sources are often flawed. How can you ever get true statistics on something that involves peoples feelings? Or that someone will give different answers to, depending whether their spouse is present?


My 'facts' are people I know and sources such as Dan Savage, who himself is in a non-monogamous relationship that has survived for 14 years. Of course hard data about peoples' sex lives are very hard (hahaha) to come by.

Not scientific I know but read this Savage Love by Dan Savage - Seattle Columns - Savage Love - Dan Savage - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper for more info. 

I personally know a couple who have been swinging for 30 years and are very happy. 

I am making no absolute statements. I am sure that non-monogamy kills some marriages, but not others. There is nothing absolute about that point of view.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I would be interested to hear what your wife has to say about it, assuming you didn't know what she was saying.
> 
> And johnnycomelately, I would like to see the source of your 'fact' that "many marriages survive and thrive" during and after this type of thing. You two are both making absolute statements that it's hard to back up. Even 'fact' sources are often flawed. How can you ever get true statistics on something that involves peoples feelings? Or that someone will give different answers to, depending whether their spouse is present?


typical response from someone thats either not in a relationship, tried anything exciting,or wont admit to being human, or having a fantasy. This IS the wife now...my husband saw your response and I just had to answer. What he said goes for me also, we have no secrets and we love to play together...its all about love and trust....and realizing that what we do is just sex..thats all..but what me and my husband have..well thats love pure and simple.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> typical response from someone thats either not in a relationship, tried anything exciting,or wont admit to being human, or having a fantasy. This IS the wife now...my husband saw your response and I just had to answer. What he said goes for me also, we have no secrets and we love to play together...its all about love and trust....and realizing that what we do is just sex..thats all..but what me and my husband have..well thats love pure and simple.


Glad you're happy. Oh, and thanks for the psychoanalysis. Coming from you, I'll be sure to take it with a grain of sea salt. You'll note I said it would be interesting to know what you had to say *if your husband didn't know what you were saying* ie if you were allowed to be truthful. But maybe you are the exception to the rule here, and you really don't mind your husband sticking his **** into other women. If so, more power to you. And to him.

It will be interesting to see who is in a happy relationship ten years from now.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Now this is ending up in personal insults !! Great maturity guys. 

Some people have open marriages and are still happy. You cannot say "if you aren't like me, you are lying". Thats what religious nuts do.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Now this is ending up in personal insults !! Great maturity guys


You're right, that's very immature. I'll delete what I put if anyone wants me to. Or I can leave it as an example of my hotheadedness  Sorry people - bad morning over here, which is no excuse.


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## Silly Husband (Aug 30, 2010)

justme05 said:


> So my H and I are curious to have a 3sum with another woman, as much as I want to I don't want him to like it too much and not want me anymore. Has anyone tried it? Bad idea?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you are a younger couple I would say wait awhile. When I was newly married, I would have said anything to get my wife to try this. Now that I am older(46, 20 yrs married) and have learned more about my wife and myself, I don't think the benefits outweigh the risks. 

Maybe you could make a sexual 'bucket list' and put that towards the bottom!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

No one that I know admits to threesomes in their past or present. 

There are posts by women on TAM who have had or are considering a threesome. Do a search and read about their experience. 

From what I read, the following happens:

* some women like it
* some don't and never want to do it again and their partner accept their decision or badgers them to do it again
* some have latent regret 
* some fall in love with the OW or OM and have secret affairs
* some have husbands who fall in love or have secret affairs 
* some who lose respect and love for their partner after seeing them with OM/OW
* some get STD's women are more vulnerable than men

You may safely negotiate the downside for many encounters and then your partner meets someone with whom they form an emotional connection or one of you contact herpes or are colonized by a cancer associated HPV. 

Condoms don't protect against herpes. All you need is skin to skin contact. If you receive or give oral sex with or without a condom or dam to multiple partner's, the possibility of picking up a strain of virus that is carcinogenic is higher. 

It takes 10 - 20 years for oral or cervical cancer to manifest. 

What are the true numbers? It is hard to tell because 
* people lie about having had the experience when they didn't or 
* they lie about enjoying it when they didn't or 
* they lie about not having had one when they did 

People also vigorously defend or encourage others to have threesomes because they think that increases their chances of having one. 

These are things to consider. I suggest that you consider the risks Vs. benefits. 

Are the benefits of orgasms with OM/OW worth the possibility of losing everything and/or be colonized by a virus with latent effects that might kill you or your husband?

BBC News - More men 'have oral cancer virus'
BBC NEWS | Health | Oral sex linked to throat cancer


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I was curious once. I was curious to see if I could get away with fixing some shingles on the roof of our three story house. To ensure my safety, I was going to tie a rope round my waist and the other end to the satalite dish so I could save the cost of hiring some roofers. I thought it was a solid plan, but my wife didn't. So, it didn't happen....and I stopped drinking for the night.


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

People have strong feelings about this one. I would agree there are risks involved, but I don't think it's necessarily doom and gloom as others have suggested. My advice is to first enjoy it as a fantasy, and then proceed with caution. Maybe fantasy play is enough. Try to separate the fun/fantasy from the potentially uncomfortable/risky reality. Someone wrote that the fact you're even thinking about this implies there's something wrong with your marriage -- that's BS in my opinion. Keep thinking and dreaming and communicating but be careful.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

such people are mentally sick and they need medical help and counseling.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I've always wondered how people first would start shooting heroin, I mean you need to stick a needle in your arm. Who is that willing to not only stick a needle in their arm, but also so stupid as to gamble that they are that one person who doesn't ruin their life doing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

Some people just love to judge others dont they? Others are more open minded on subjects such as these. A question was asked, and my husband and I decided to answer. We certainly were, and are not trying to convert anyone over to threesomes or swinging. We tried it because we both had fantasies, and we are open enough with each other to talk about our own personal fantasies. Not every couple can do that, and we realize that.

So there was no problem with us, at the very least, talking about it. We just didnt consider doing this overnight. We talked about it on and off for over a year before we decided to dip our toe's in the water so to speak. We talked about trust, we talked about our relationship, we talked about why we wanted to both do this, we had the same fantasy.

Our love and respect of one another never came into question. The fact that we are very close, soul mates, made it a lot easier to talk about it. We were more worried about making sure our privacy would be respected than any other deciding factors. We are professional people, with great jobs, kids, a nice house, and a great life. It went without saying that if we both were going to do this, it would be far away from our regular lives. Its important to separate the two.

To answer a few questions.....yes we both enjoyed our respective threesomes, and no, it didnt bother me to see my husband please another woman, just as he was very turned on by my pleasing of another man. See we always play together, and both participate in each others fun. Our rules are as follows....we are very selective.....there can be no strings attached to the event, meaning...dont fall in love with us, cause we wont with you, man or woman. If we like you, we may see you again, we might not, its our choice. We dont do this on a regular basis, we are quite happy to stay home and make love to each other.

But let me say this to anyone that considering this. Its not for everybody and you can ruin your relationship. We knew a couple that ruined a 20 year relationship over this. How do you know if your relationship will support this kind of activity? If there is the slightest doubt in your mind over trust, if you feel a jealous tinge in your mind, if you already dont trust the other...dont do it. Chances are you will be sorry.

But dont judge us for doing what we want to do, we are a very happy well adjusted couple. Been married 18 almost 19 years, plan on spending the rest of our lives together. Its been a hell of an interesting and fun ride, met a lot of nice people. People that I bet you would never know could do this. Guess what? we are not in the minority here.....many couples and singles do this, watch out...your brother, or sister, next door neighbor, or mom and dad could be into this...and you would never know. Cheers


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> Some people just love to judge others dont they? Others are more open minded on subjects such as these. A question was asked, and my husband and I decided to answer. We certainly were, and are not trying to convert anyone over to threesomes or swinging. We tried it because we both had fantasies, and we are open enough with each other to talk about our own personal fantasies. Not every couple can do that, and we realize that.
> 
> So there was no problem with us, at the very least, talking about it. We just didnt consider doing this overnight. We talked about it on and off for over a year before we decided to dip our toe's in the water so to speak. We talked about trust, we talked about our relationship, we talked about why we wanted to both do this, we had the same fantasy.
> 
> ...


peoples like u have made the institution of marriage a joke.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

How judgemental of you to say so...sounds like YOU are very repressed, and you have a problem. We sure wouldnt judge you or anyone else here. "People Like You" wow that is so racist in a way for you to say that. Reminds me of the guy who said to me..."Some of my best friends are Black"...that is until his daughter married a black guy....then he got the same attitude as you......hope you get well soon


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> How judgemental of you to say so...sounds like YOU are very repressed, and you have a problem. We sure wouldnt judge you or anyone else here. "People Like You" wow that is so racist in a way for you to say that. Reminds me of the guy who said to me..."Some of my best friends are Black"...that is until his daughter married a black guy....then he got the same attitude as you......hope you get well soon


peoples only want to hear good things about them and when they hear other side which is negative they feel insulted.
truth is painful and i dont want to keep arguing with u and derail this thread.thank you.
best wishes for ur marriage and keep fu**ing other man ohh sorry other men.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

are you bitter against men?


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## Silly Husband (Aug 30, 2010)

@ Whatmeworry, I have a funny feeling plenty of people wish they could be "people like you" - loving, honoring respecting each other and confident enough to enjoy yourseves within YOUR boundaries for marriage. You're lucky to have found each other.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

Silly Husband said:


> @ Whatmeworry, I have a funny feeling plenty of people wish they could be "people like you" - loving, honoring respecting each other and confident enough to enjoy yourseves within YOUR boundaries for marriage. You're lucky to have found each other.


We have always thought how lucky we both were to find each other. We are so much alike its sometimes scary. We always seem to run into people that try and derail what we have, but we never get angry at them. You are also right..we enjoy what we do together within the confines of what WE consider our relationship to be.

Im sorry if some dont understand, or agree with what we love to do. You see people..we are each others best friend and lover all in one. What we do is our business, which we choose to share with all of you on this thread. Someone asked a question here, and we wanted to tell our story on the subject..thats all.

You dont have to agree with our lifestyle, or even understand it, but why be so ugly about it? What skeletons would fall out of your closet if we could open THAT door? What could make some here so angry and disrespectful to judge us? Your misconceptions of what YOU consider right and wrong?


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

Ok .....this thread is the straw that broke the camels back. I had to register and reply. Threesomes work for a lot of people. My hubs and I have tried it, liked it, plan to continue. To us, the main issue is finding a suitable third.if its mutual, its fine for many couples. In some relationships it can be a symptom of a problem. In others its no different than bringing in a toy, doing it in front of a mirror or taping yourself. Its a personal decision like whether both parents work or not. Its about mutual respect just like any other marital issue. Both parties need to be on the same page. @vicky yy, please don't make assumptions about other peoples lives. Many assumptions could be made about yours based on your reactions
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

justme05 said:


> So my H and I are curious to have a 3sum with another woman, as much as I want to I don't want him to like it too much and not want me anymore. Has anyone tried it? Bad idea?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't do it.

Unless you want to be insecure and divorced.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

mrsamazing said:


> Ok .....this thread is the straw that broke the camels back. I had to register and reply. Threesomes work for a lot of people. My hubs and I have tried it, liked it, plan to continue. To us, the main issue is finding a suitable third.if its mutual, its fine for many couples. In some relationships it can be a symptom of a problem. In others its no different than bringing in a toy, doing it in front of a mirror or taping yourself. Its a personal decision like whether both parents work or not. Its about mutual respect just like any other marital issue. Both parties need to be on the same page. @vicky yy, please don't make assumptions about other peoples lives. Many assumptions could be made about yours based on your reactions
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Another person into the marriage bed is not a toy. It's a human capable of coming between a couple...even the strongest of couples. I'm glad it worked for you but you are the minority. 

But don't compare an extra person in the bed to video taping, toys or other objects. It's NOT the same. If you look at the person as a "thing" then...well....I'm sorry for that person.


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Another person into the marriage bed is not a toy. It's a human capable of coming between a couple...even the strongest of couples. I'm glad it worked for you but you are the minority.
> 
> But don't compare an extra person in the bed to video taping, toys or other objects. It's NOT the same. If you look at the person as a "thing" then...well....I'm sorry for that person.


I see where you're coming from. We don't consider the third a "thing". They obviously have to be into it too. I'd be skeptical of saying that I'm the minority though. its something that would be difficult to get good statistics on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I'm glad it worked for you


dont worry, their lives are not over yet.
give it time.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Here is the main issue I can see. Regardless of the ground rules set, the preparedness and the shared fantasy of having a threesome, you are relying on something extremely unpredictable. That is human emotion. No amount of trust and communication could possibly prepare someone for how they may react to seeing their loved one in an intimate act with someone else.

Does nailing my wife's hot friend seem tempting? Heck yeah

However, thinking of my wife with one of my friends turns the stomach.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

ARF said:


> Here is the main issue I can see. Regardless of the ground rules set, the preparedness and the shared fantasy of having a threesome, you are relying on something extremely unpredictable. That is human emotion. No amount of trust and communication could possibly prepare someone for how they may react to seeing their loved one in an intimate act with someone else.


very true.

everything can be going fine for a long time...
all it takes is to get the wrong 3rd person or for one of the couple to seem to be enjoying the 3rd person just a little too much at some point in the future.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I'm not sure what people who have registered just to post in this thread think they're going to hear. This is a MARRIAGE forum, not a swingers/threesomes forum. No matter what you might like, the VAST majority of marriages do not allow third persons into them. The VAST majority. If you think you are one of the exceptions to the rule, that's great for you and I hope you are right. But the odds are against anyone who is thinking about doing it. Heavily against. So to counsel someone to do it is doing them a disservice.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

mrsamazing said:


> Ok .....this thread is the straw that broke the camels back. I had to register and reply. Threesomes work for a lot of people. My hubs and I have tried it, liked it, plan to continue. To us, the main issue is finding a suitable third.if its mutual, its fine for many couples. In some relationships it can be a symptom of a problem. In others its no different than bringing in a toy, doing it in front of a mirror or taping yourself. Its a personal decision like whether both parents work or not. Its about mutual respect just like any other marital issue. Both parties need to be on the same page. @vicky yy, please don't make assumptions about other peoples lives. Many assumptions could be made about yours based on your reactions
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i dont give a **** about and not afraid of what kind of assumptions u make about me bcos i am putting my points against things which i think r utterly disgusting.

bringing other men or women in marriage and calling them just toys to justify ur actions and making the mockery of marriage in public forum is not acceptable.

and one last things to u people who r happily married and have such great love and respect to their spouse and having threesome, if this so much pleasurable why dont u bring one more person and make it foursome that would be more pleasurable and then keep adding fivesome, sixsome ......twentysome....hundredsome. ohh hell join the orgy man !:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

We've heard from a couple of people who've had good experiences. Let's hear from some who've had it go south.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

vickyyy said:


> i dont give a **** about and not afraid of what kind of assumptions u make about me bcos i am putting my points against things which i think r utterly disgusting.
> 
> bringing other men or women in marriage and calling them just toys to justify ur actions and making the mockery of marriage in public forum is not acceptable.
> 
> and one last things to u people who r happily married and have such great love and respect to their spouse and having threesome, if this so much pleasurable why dont u bring one more person and make it foursome that would be more pleasurable and then keep adding fivesome, sixsome ......twentysome....hundredsome. ohh hell join the orgy man !:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


You seem very interested in this though. You keep posting to this thread. Are you SURE you find this idea and these people disgusting? When I find something disgusting I usually move on.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Stop instigating things.

You can differ in opinions.

However, this is a MARRIAGE forum. We promote marriage. And it wasn't in my vows about 3somes. maybe it was in yours, but not mine.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> maybe it was in yours


must have been in my ex wifes too, only i didnt get the memo.
so only 2 of them showed up for the three some. :/


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Here's what I don't understand. If the threesome supporters on here have such wonderful marriages that thrive despite accepting cheating before your eyes,

What the heck are you doing on a marriage forum?

Or is Kansas not so wonderful in reality?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> Wow, that is a recipe for a dull sexlife.


What is? Love and respect? 

Most of the best songs have been written with the same chords.



johnnycomelately said:


> If you like I will introduce you to a woman who has been sleeping with other men for 30 years, with her husbands approval, and she has a marriage that I envy.


That's not a marriage. That's a shared house with complicated paperwork.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

justme05 said:


> So my H and I are curious to have a 3sum with another woman, as much as I want to I don't want him to like it too much and not want me anymore. Has anyone tried it? Bad idea?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you looking to swing ? Dont do it,if you do you will be a *****.......Heck yes it's a bad idea....do you not have a brain......:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

"and more importantly you have no respect for the marriage bed that we on this forum hold in high regard... "

Actually Anna, that is not what we in this forum hold in high regard. It's freedom of speech we hold in high regard. Not just one persons or a group of peoples opinion. 

There is no one opinion that is of more value than another opinion.

Although you might think a 2 people relationship is better than a 3 person, (For the record, I think that too and am with you 100% on that) that doesn't mean that that opinion is the only one that counts.


----------



## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

Diolay said:


> "and more importantly you have no respect for the marriage bed that we on this forum hold in high regard... "
> 
> Actually Anna, that is not what we in this forum hold in high regard. It's freedom of speech we hold in high regard. Not just one persons or a group of peoples opinion.
> 
> ...


Please tell me you are kidding? This forum is titled Talk About Marriage, meaning two people, man and woman...don't ever reduce me and others on this forum to common views on marriage....if they and you want freedom of speech on such issues as a threesome, which the OP can't even spell, go else where.......you have no integrity....you should be ashamed of yourself......


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

anna garret 01 said:


> Please tell me you are kidding? This forum is titled Talk About Marriage, meaning two people, man and woman...don't ever reduce me and others on this forum to common views on marriage....if they and you want freedom of speech on such issues as a three some go else where.......you have no integrity


I'm not sure what you'd suggest. Maybe you can tell us.

A lot of us, even those of us who have been married for a long time, have questions that we'd like answered. I'd like to have the freedom to ask those questions, and would like someone to have the freedom to answer that honestly, and explicitly. When someone else asks an honest question, I'd like the freedom to answer them honestly and as explicitly as needed to be sure we all understand what I'm saying.

There is going to be a lot of things to discuss - many more than I realized before discovering this forum. I can guarantee some questions will cause others some discomfort. I'd like to learn the answers to those. Would you not like to learn as well? And when I say answers, there are going to be as many opinions as there are people on the forum. It is good to hear them answer in their own words, instead of just telling me what they think I want to hear, or telling me what they think someone else on the forum wants them to say. 

I'm all for open discussion. I think freedom of speech is necessary for such open discussion. Do you not agree?


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Did you just read what you wrote?

"This forum is titled Talk About Marriage"

Note, it's not titled 
"Talk about marriage that just involves 2 people". It's talk about marriage.

For your marriage, and mine, a marriage involves JUST 2 PEOPLE. I cannot stress that enough. But. for other people, marriage is the building of a life between 2 people but adding another person is like adding a toy to the relationship. 

That's ok for them and they are entitled to their opinion.

If you believe your views on what a marriage should be and no body elses opinion matters, move to China or Russia. I understand communism very much frowns on freedom of speech there.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Diolay said:


> Did you just read what you wrote?
> 
> "This forum is titled Talk About Marriage"
> 
> ...


Haha. I was just about to turn in but could not help agreeing. Actually, I go to China all the time, so I know what it is like to have a huge FIREWALL blocking anything they don't want you to see/hear, so no facebook, no youtube, no sensitive words, blah blah blah, and threesome, orgy, whatever, would probably be blocked, edited, whatever....

All those screaming zealots here might be better off there. I am in no way into a threesome (and some recent experience made me realize I would never want to see my husband with someone, or the other way around), but people are free to choose and talk about their experiences. Too much finger pointing for adults here.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

Yes, I am sorry that I haven't expressed myself correctly. I admit I have had very vivid sexual dreams and fantasies and consider myself a very high drive female. However, I would never ever under any circumstance or situation undermine the value of the marriage bed between my dear husband and me and our sacred vows we pledged to each other. To flirt with the idea of introducing a third party into a marriage is utterly destructive...I am not ridiculing but merely advising.


I by know means at all am perfect. My DH and I both share very explicit fantasies and try to fulfill them if we can, but we both know that we wouldn't ever sacrifice the integrity of our lives and those around us for the sake of an outside sexual twist....Sometimes freedom of speech is trumped by the law of the land or more importantly God's law.........


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Ahhh. The law of the land....What a pleasnant ring that has....
The law of the land is drived from the constitution.... And what was in the constitution about freedom of speech?????? 

As for "Gods Law". What if you're an athiest?? Sort of throws that out the window too.

Seems like the only one breaking any laws here is you Anna..


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Oh and for the record Anna, where abouts exacly does it say in the bible that a person is not allowed to talk about sex?


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

anna garret 01 said:


> your a loser also and please go away....:banhim::banhim:


why me?:scratchhead:
why am i a loser ?


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

You're not... You're cute.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Stop instigating things.
> 
> You can differ in opinions.
> 
> However, this is a MARRIAGE forum. We promote marriage. And it wasn't in my vows about 3somes. maybe it was in yours, but not mine.


I'm instigating nothing. I am not even into threesomes. 

I do hate fascism in every form and I will always argue with people who say that their way of doing things is THE ONLY MORAL WAY! Anybody who holds a different view is (quote) 'crap', 'disgusting' and 'mentally sick'. They 'have no integrity' and should go away.

As for the religious fanatics, marriage existed before the birth of Jesus and exists in God-free societies. You can't claim marriage for yourselves. 

Funny how so many quote Jesus when they are being intolerant, when his message was the opposite.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Here here Johnny


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

Diolay said:


> You're not... You're cute.


hay dude, i am male.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Oops.

How embarresment.....


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

What a firestorm of controversy thats been started here.....and over what? Someone asks an honest question about a threesome, and religion gets mentioned here? Religion has caused more wars and more killings than any single event in human history.

This is not rocket science here guys....its just sex between consenting adults. We knew when we posted here that there would be some who would lash out against us, and thats just fine with us. We just tried to answer a question using our experiences with threesomes so that the person that asked the question would know something of a MARRIED, yes MARRIED couple that had had a few.

Let me say this, we all have a fantasy, some act them out and some repress them. We have loved doing threesomes, and Im turned on by the fact that my wife has loved watching me please another woman....and so what? Is it interfering with your life? Does it bother you so so much that you have to post mean and hateful comments? But you profess to adhere to the vows of marriage, which God and the bible supposedly profess?. Does it not also say"Judge not,so that you not be judged?".

If you have never tried a threesome, and we are happy doing it, and we are not harming you, then dont comment on something you dont know about. Ask us all the questions you want tho.....we will try an answer them all. We are not here to prove something wrong or right....just share a bit of our lives with all of you.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Might I add, we welcome your sharing. 

Hey, I'm not into 3somes, wife swapping, orgies or anything else like that but that's just me so I cannot offer you any advice on this subject but others have.

These people have a right to live their life as we all do. They have a right to make choices on how they live their life and what suits them.

If a person choses to invite other people, that's their right and I will not judge. But when peole use religion or any other means to justify their dictatorship, that's where I will jump on the defence of those people who chose an alternative life style to mine.

Just remember, USA ousted Sadam Housain for his dictatorship. If it wasn't ok for him, what makes you think that it's ok for anyone else?


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

Well thanks...but just to clarify....we have done threesomes, and other couples....but we are not into orgies or anything else...just to clarify a bit.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

No worries dude. Just letting you know I'm on your side with what ever you do.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

hay Mr & Mrs. Whatmeworry and ur threesome partners,

I have learned a lot marketing strategies in my B School.So stop your marketing of threesome ideas here, this is a marriage forum.
why dont u join other threesome forums, there u will really well get the target audience.

and one more thing its not the religion which killed human beings, humans killed other human beings in the name of religion.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

vickyyy said:


> hay Mr & Mrs. Whatmeworry and ur threesome partners,
> 
> I have learned a lot marketing strategies in my B School.So stop your marketing of threesome ideas here, this is a marriage forum.
> why dont u join other threesome forums, there u will really well get the target audience.
> ...


Thanks, but no...I think we will stay right here and talk with the open minded people here on this forum. Up late huh? For someone thats so against a threesome, you sure post here quite a bit. You could treat this thread like you would a television program you dont care for.....just turn the channel!

Or maybe...you have a secret fantasy and its just killing you, so your going to abuse the people here to satisfy your needs? I just found out that your a male..are you married? I wonder what your wife thinks? Get well soon


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Hang on, hang on, hang on. I think I missed something here.

Where exactly is the marketing??

I can't find it..


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

Diolay said:


> Hang on, hang on, hang on. I think I missed something here.
> 
> Where exactly is the marketing??
> 
> I can't find it..


He is comparing me to a "Marketing" scheme. He thinks Im pushing having threesomes as some sort of product endorsement. He must be in some sort of Business school. His arguments are becoming very thin sounding.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Yeah but all yo've done is ask questions, given an opion, (which we all have) and told of you experience, (which we've all done too). And what this forum is all about..

Is there something I missed???


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I've never had a threesome, but have offered it to my wife as in a MFM.

She said no not interested, but if she were she would prefer a FMF anyway.

anyway, I just don't see it in the cards for us, but we do like going to a swingers club and having sex in front of others and also watching others, we jsut don't share.

So it's a fair trade for us...no one else but open sex in front of others is a lot of fun for us both.

That may be a good solution


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

justme05 said:


> So my H and I are curious to have a 3sum with another woman, as much as I want to I don't want him to like it too much and not want me anymore. Has anyone tried it? Bad idea?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't speak from experience, but I can tell you from someone I know that has had a 3sum. Married couple, mid 30's decided to add another female, wife's friend. Well, the threesome part went well, everyone had a good time. Then things got weird in the morning as she spent the night with them. Almost immediately after waking up and sobering up, his wife's jealously set in. I do not know all the details, but it was not pretty. Needless to say they are no longer friends and I am sure that does/did create problems in the marriage. My advice to you, since you already have issues with your husband liking things too much, I think you would best to avoid the situation. I am sure there are many success stories out there, but for you I think it would end up bad, based upon what you have said.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

PaGuy said:


> I don't speak from experience, but I can tell you from someone I know that has had a 3sum. Married couple, mid 30's decided to add another female, wife's friend. Well, the threesome part went well, everyone had a good time. Then things got weird in the morning as she spent the night with them. Almost immediately after waking up and sobering up, his wife's jealously set in. I do not know all the details, but it was not pretty. Needless to say they are no longer friends and I am sure that does/did create problems in the marriage. My advice to you, since you already have issues with your husband liking things too much, I think you would best to avoid the situation. I am sure there are many success stories out there, but for you I think it would end up bad, based upon what you have said.


It was the exact opposite for us. My wife and I had always talked about doing this, a threesome, but had never gotten past the talking about it while having sex part, which was hot in itself.

One night my wife told me she was bringing home her girlfriend after work. I didnt even get what she was on about. Well we all ended up going out for a few drinks. We all had a fun night, and came back to our house. We were sitting on the sofa watching the television and my wife asked me if I found her gielfriend pretty.

I said yes, after all, I am a man, and she was pretty. All of us were pretty lit, so my wife and this girl begin to make out. Kissing and then tops come off, and they are sucking each others nipples.....planned? Im sure, my wife has always had bi tendences. So Im almost sure they had experimented before, which I have no problem with.

Well before I know it, they are both between my knees with my zipper down, and Im getting head from them both. Without going into much detail, it ended up in the bedroom with me enjoying screwing them both, which we did off and on all night long. My wife ended up telling me to shoot my load inside of her, which I did. Later on, her girlfriend blew me and got under us while I screwed my wife...and yes, I shot another load into my wife.

Long story short..we ended up waking up in the morning, having breakfast, and seeing her off to work. There was no jealous feelings at all.

A few weeks later, a friend of mine came over, and we both pleased my wife. She really enjoyed having a man at both ends, and yes, we both shot our loads in her. Thats what started us to doing threesomes, and later couples. As I have said...its not for everyone, and Im not saying everybody should do it.

But we are happy, and in love, and use those experiences to make our sex lives even more exciting than they already were. You dont have to like it or agree with it, but thats our story.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

and just so you know...we always use protection


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Diolay said:


> You're not... You're cute.





> vickyyy
> Re: Three sum?
> 
> hay dude, i am male.


he still thinks youre cute


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

lol I leave for a day and come back to......this.

See ya!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> lol I leave for a day and come back to......this.
> 
> See ya!


oh, you were gone? :scratchhead:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> and just so you know...we always use protection


then you 'shot your load' into a balloon, not into your wife or the other girl.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> oh, you were gone? :scratchhead:


yea, I didn't expect you to notice...since you're playing with these people lolll.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> yea, I didn't expect you to notice...since you're playing with these people lolll.


yeah well, i play with who i can now.

btw, i ALMOST did notice


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh, I feel special now. lol. Not that I care.

 Keep playing. This kind of banter is funny.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Not that I care.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

lol I was just enjoying the witty banter so much! 

All this arguing about 3sums. Good grief.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> lol I was just enjoying the witty banter so much!
> 
> All this arguing about 3sums. Good grief.


no kidding.
if people want actively take steps to ruin their marriage, thats up to them.

banter is better than 3somes any ways.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> no kidding.
> if people want actively take steps to ruin their marriage, thats up to them.
> 
> banter is better than 3somes any ways.


But it's not ruining anything! It's just enhancing the relationship.



:rofl:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> But it's not ruining anything! It's just enhancing the relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


well, im going to enhance my relationship with myself right now.
3some with me, myself and rosie palm.
we'll see how that turns out. :/


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh....my mind's eyes.....


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Oh....my mind's eyes.....


:scratchhead:


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> Thanks, but no...I think we will stay right here and talk with the open minded people here on this forum. Up late huh? For someone thats so against a threesome, you sure post here quite a bit. You could treat this thread like you would a television program you dont care for.....just turn the channel!
> 
> Or maybe...you have a secret fantasy and its just killing you, so your going to abuse the people here to satisfy your needs? I just found out that your a male..are you married? I wonder what your wife thinks? Get well soon


I am 25, not married yet and not gonna married such a low esteem woman like YOU.
wow.. and u r telling me to get well soon.thats low.instead u need counseling.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> It was the exact opposite for us. My wife and I had always talked about doing this, a threesome, but had never gotten past the talking about it while having sex part, which was hot in itself.
> 
> One night my wife told me she was bringing home her girlfriend after work. I didnt even get what she was on about. Well we all ended up going out for a few drinks. We all had a fun night, and came back to our house. We were sitting on the sofa watching the television and my wife asked me if I found her gielfriend pretty.
> 
> ...


wow threesome with infidelity.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

vickyyy said:


> wow threesome with infidelity.


And a side of denial
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

vickyyy said:


> I am 25, not married yet and not gonna married such a low esteem woman like YOU.
> wow.. and u r telling me to get well soon.thats low.instead u need counseling.


With the utmost respect maybe you should have some experience of marriage before you dictate to people how they should run their's.

Your youth and inexperience do go some way to explaining why you think that the best way to get a point across to someone is to swear at and insult them.


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## Stir Crazy (Feb 10, 2012)

whatmeworry said:


> and just so you know...we always use protection


I hope this is not taken as judgement (I don't mean it to be) but as a question for clarification. You wrote above you always use protection. When I read that I think condoms so I'm not too sure what you mean because you wrote these two lines in a previous post:

_My wife ended up telling me to shoot my load inside of her, which I did._

_A few weeks later, a friend of mine came over, and we both pleased my wife. She really enjoyed having a man at both ends, and yes, we both shot our loads in her._

When I read "shot my load into her" I take it to mean no condom was used. Does "protection" mean something different in America?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Stir Crazy said:


> I hope this is not taken as judgement (I don't mean it to be) but as a question for clarification. You wrote above you always use protection. When I read that I think condoms so I'm not too sure what you mean because you wrote these two lines in a previous post:
> 
> _My wife ended up telling me to shoot my load inside of her, which I did._
> 
> ...


Maybe he was just making things up.

How awesome to treat your wife like a sperm receptacle.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Stir Crazy said:


> Does "protection" mean something different in America?


a gun


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

vickyyy said:


> I am 25, not married yet and not gonna married such a low esteem woman like YOU.
> wow.. and u r telling me to get well soon.thats low.instead u need counseling.


So I would ask you a question? If your not married, what possible input could you have here? Also, your showing your lack of intelligence by calling people names. "Woman Of such low esteem"?. At 25 years of age, you would think that you had grown past the childish name calling behavior, but some people never grow up.

What gives you the right to label people that you dont know? And I ask the question...If your not married, why are YOU here on a site created for MARRIED people? And if you are going to participate here, why wouldnt you try and learn a few things and not be so critical of others. Why not just be tolerant of others...or are you perfect?

If your looking for the perfect woman, honey, are your eyes going to be opened up, or perhaps they already have been. You better go thump a bible back in church and try to find a woman thats never had any contact with a man...like thats going to happen. Studies show that by the age of 25, most males and females have had at least a few sexual partners. Studies also show that women of your age bracket have had a few partners.

So I guess that just leaves you and your hand? Get well soon


----------



## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> So I would ask you a question? If your not married, what possible input could you have here? Also, your showing your lack of intelligence by calling people names. "Woman Of such low esteem"?. At 25 years of age, you would think that you had grown past the childish name calling behavior, but some people never grow up.
> 
> What gives you the right to label people that you dont know? And I ask the question...If your not married, why are YOU here on a site created for MARRIED people? And if you are going to participate here, why wouldnt you try and learn a few things and not be so critical of others. Why not just be tolerant of others...or are you perfect?
> 
> ...


I am not married but does not mean that i am not in any relationship.i have a gf.I love her from bottom of my heart.She is the first and will be the last woman in my life.i am not gonna let any man touch her.
and about ur **** study report and statistics, if its true, this one of the many ways people use to justify their actions.

and one last thing.like other people here i would also like to know how was ur great loving husband and his great friends were able to cum inside u while using protection. "Innovation at Work" huh!


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Maybe he was just making things up.
> 
> How awesome to treat your wife like a sperm receptacle.


How awesome of you to make that comment. We both owe no one here any explanations as to how we run our lives and our married life together. As long as we are happy, and we are very happy, why should you care? We answered a question that was asked here. Since we had some experience with threesomes, we thought we would answer. It does not take much thought, however, to insult, judge, and make negative comments. How adult of you to do so.

Instead of making negative comments you could have just asked questions as to how and why we felt as we do. You know...maybe learn something instead of judging? We judge no one here, and you are free to live your life just the way you see fit.

If you have been reading our comments you would know that we have been together for almost 19 years now. We have a great life together, great jobs, wonderful children, a nice happy home.......we are planning a nice anniversary together and lots more years together. But if you want to insult and judge people for what they want to do in their own lives...well feel free to do so.

Its not going to shame us or change us, or upset us in any way. Theres a few people here that just love to make snide comments on things that they have no idea about. Instead of taking the chance to find out why we do the things we do, and asking intelligent questions, they have been reduced to showing just how intelligent they are. Also, as we have said before.....if you dont like whats on the channel, just change it.

This was a thread about threesomes.......if you dont want to hear someone talk about them, or dont agree with what we are saying here...well why not start your own thread about evil people like us that are ruining the fabric of America, and married couples everywhere?

But dont be small minded and petty...try learning something about others before you make comments about what you have never done......and remember..we never said that what we were doing was right or wrong...and we never tried to convert anyone over to anything.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

vickyyy said:


> I am not married but does not mean that i am not in any relationship.i have a gf.I love her from bottom of my heart.She is the first and will be the last woman in my life.i am not gonna let any man touch her.
> and about ur **** study report and statistics, if its true, this one of the many ways people use to justify their actions.
> 
> and one last thing.like other people here i would also like to know how was ur great loving husband and his great friends were able to cum inside u while using protection. "Innovation at Work" huh!


We will answer your question......since you and a few others wait with baited breath to comment on every little thing we say. What we meant to say was.....With the use of protection, its possible to cum inside the vagina with out actually cumming inside the vagina. Let me answer another question for you......We never "Justified" anything, and you would know that if you read our earlier comments. We were answering a comment on threesomes. If it makes you this upset...why are you still here making rude comments? Being hateful just makes your comments ugly, mean, and unneeded.

Its real easy to be small minded about things instead of asking thoughtful well thought out questions..isnt it?


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

that_girl said:


> But it's not ruining anything! It's just enhancing the relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


We never said that it was "Enhancing" anything. Thats what you said. We tried to answer a question here..and thats it. However, if you do have any questions that you would like to ask..we as a couple would love to answer them for you. I dont think that you are trying to judge us, I think, but please dont judge us for something that you may or may not understand. Thanks


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> well, im going to enhance my relationship with myself right now.
> 3some with me, myself and rosie palm.
> we'll see how that turns out. :/


Now that is funny...good one


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> We will answer your question......since you and a few others wait with baited breath to comment on every little thing we say. What we meant to say was.....With the use of protection, its possible to cum inside the vagina with out actually cumming inside the vagina. Let me answer another question for you......We never "Justified" anything, and you would know that if you read our earlier comments. We were answering a comment on threesomes. If it makes you this upset...why are you still here making rude comments? Being hateful just makes your comments ugly, mean, and unneeded.
> 
> Its real easy to be small minded about things instead of asking thoughtful well thought out questions..isnt it?


i am not afraid of anyone judging me bcos i know i have not done anything wrong in my life or hurt any family, only cowards do that.

Why dont u retrospect on what r u doing.You are bringing other people in your marriage, so its obvious that they r cheating on their spouses and you are the part of this cheating.So you are one way breaking the other families.Whats ur answer for this ?

hard to digest how people lower themselves for their enjoyment and break other families.


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

vickyyy said:


> i am not afraid of anyone judging me bcos i know i have not done anything wrong in my life or hurt any family, only cowards do that.
> 
> Why dont u retrospect on what r u doing.You are bringing other people in your marriage, so its obvious that they r cheating on their spouses and you are the part of this cheating.So you are one way breaking the other families.Whats ur answer for this ?
> 
> hard to digest how people lower themselves for their enjoyment and break other families.



Hmmmm......maybe the third party is single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

vickyyy said:


> i am not afraid of anyone judging me bcos i know i have not done anything wrong in my life or hurt any family, only cowards do that.
> 
> Why dont u retrospect on what r u doing.You are bringing other people in your marriage, so its obvious that they r cheating on their spouses and you are the part of this cheating.So you are one way breaking the other families.Whats ur answer for this ?
> 
> ...


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

It's amazing how some of the responses are so distict, cool and level headed, while others are crazy rants. For the record, we have had 1 threesome and a few foursomes and have enjoyed it. Our marriage is fine. We do not promote it, encourage it or discourage it. It could end your marriage (although i suggest that if it does, there were other problems there to begin with), it could enhance your marriage ( hearing this from a few members) or it could do neither. All the advice should be listened to. This isn't for everyone, and i would suggest, not for most. As far as how it pertains to a marriage, that is each couple's decision on how their marriage is defined. If you're religious, this won't work and of course you'll find it immoral. If a couple truly seperates sex from love/emotion then doing this without problems is certainly possible, although i would suggest that this isn't attainable for most. No, i'm not saying it is for us either. It has been, though, to this point. We've only done this with long time friends and to be honest i can't see us ever doing it with anyone else. Neither of us would be comfortable with or interested in a stranger(s). Neither my wife or myself are interested in falling in love with someone else. We love each other. We're mid/late 30's and have been together for 20+ years. Our sexual experiences were very limited before we met so has been fun for us to be able to explore a little more within the confines of OUR marriage. Now, speaking for myself (the husband), i can say i had and have NO interest in ever being with another woman unless my wife was right there with me. While i have had great fun having the 3/4 somes, for me, it's the shared experience. I enjoy doing/watching equally. Her enjoyment is paramount to me and i personally find nothing sexier than my wife having a good time. With me, another women, another man, it doesn't matter. It would if i wasn't there though, it certainly would. There really isn't any absolute piece of advice that could ever properly be applied to the op as each individual/relationship is different. Go slow, be honest and truthful with yourselves and each other and always be communicating.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

that is stuff you view in porn or swingers have if you guys are swingers and crazy into sex go ahead however i think its rather sick and is making a mockery of the marriage.

But hey marriage as a whole should be removed from the states and instead churches should only deal with marriage. People are ruining the credibility of marriage by defying all that it once stood for. Thank god there are still good people out there who are in true marriages. 

I will say this i think you are not right with god (imo) and not actively right in the head to want to bring anyone else into your marriage for sex. However i can see and understand why you might have set desires i do not want to get into a debate a psychological one or try to tie in evolutionary things or anything else. So yes go ahead bring in a 3rd person if that is what you wish to do it may break your marriage. However (imo) your marriage is already not right in the fact that you have a wish to do such a thing.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think it takes not loving you partner to have in your head it is ok for you and your partner to be with others.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> that is stuff you view in porn or swingers have if you guys are swingers and crazy into sex go ahead however i think its rather sick and is making a mockery of the marriage.
> 
> But hey marriage as a whole should be removed from the states and instead churches should only deal with marriage. People are ruining the credibility of marriage by defying all that it once stood for. Thank god there are still good people out there who are in true marriages.
> 
> I will say this i think you are not right with god (imo) and not actively right in the head to want to bring anyone else into your marriage for sex. However i can see and understand why you might have set desires i do not want to get into a debate a psychological one or try to tie in evolutionary things or anything else. So yes go ahead bring in a 3rd person if that is what you wish to do it may break your marriage. However (imo) your marriage is already not right in the fact that you have a wish to do such a thing.


Another country heard from...and I was real interested in what you were saying...that is until you accuse people of not being right....of not being good people....who are you to judge others? Did God die and appoint you judge and jury?


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i think it takes not loving you partner to have in your head it is ok for you and your partner to be with others.


Yup..thats got to be it..right? As I have said..this is a thread for people who might try a threesome, and the original question of if a threesome was right for a couple.....If you have nothing but bad things to say, and you dont think its right....why do you all keep coming back? You must find it sexy or interesting...or maybe you just have nothing better to do than judge people on things that you know absolutley nothing about. Why dont you go read your bible, and leave us heathens to the question at hand.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> How awesome of you to make that comment. We both owe no one here any explanations as to how we run our lives and our married life together. As long as we are happy, and we are very happy, why should you care? We answered a question that was asked here. Since we had some experience with threesomes, we thought we would answer. It does not take much thought, however, to insult, judge, and make negative comments. How adult of you to do so.
> 
> Instead of making negative comments you could have just asked questions as to how and why we felt as we do. You know...maybe learn something instead of judging? We judge no one here, and you are free to live your life just the way you see fit.
> 
> ...


You don't owe an explanation and yet you give one. I didn't read it, sorry. I was only commenting on how you stated "busting your load" or something, as well as your friend "busting his load" inside your wife. It was rude. lol. Funny too.

I have no problem what you do in your life, but your wording about your friend and your wife is just so disrespectful to her as a woman. But I guess if she likes it...


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

JTL said:


> It's amazing how some of the responses are so distict, cool and level headed, while others are crazy rants. For the record, we have had 1 threesome and a few foursomes and have enjoyed it. Our marriage is fine. We do not promote it, encourage it or discourage it. It could end your marriage (although i suggest that if it does, there were other problems there to begin with), it could enhance your marriage ( hearing this from a few members) or it could do neither. All the advice should be listened to. This isn't for everyone, and i would suggest, not for most. As far as how it pertains to a marriage, that is each couple's decision on how their marriage is defined. If you're religious, this won't work and of course you'll find it immoral. If a couple truly seperates sex from love/emotion then doing this without problems is certainly possible, although i would suggest that this isn't attainable for most. No, i'm not saying it is for us either. It has been, though, to this point. We've only done this with long time friends and to be honest i can't see us ever doing it with anyone else. Neither of us would be comfortable with or interested in a stranger(s). Neither my wife or myself are interested in falling in love with someone else. We love each other. We're mid/late 30's and have been together for 20+ years. Our sexual experiences were very limited before we met so has been fun for us to be able to explore a little more within the confines of OUR marriage. Now, speaking for myself (the husband), i can say i had and have NO interest in ever being with another woman unless my wife was right there with me. While i have had great fun having the 3/4 somes, for me, it's the shared experience. I enjoy doing/watching equally. Her enjoyment is paramount to me and i personally find nothing sexier than my wife having a good time. With me, another women, another man, it doesn't matter. It would if i wasn't there though, it certainly would. There really isn't any absolute piece of advice that could ever properly be applied to the op as each individual/relationship is different. Go slow, be honest and truthful with yourselves and each other and always be communicating.


yes u will find other responses so distict, cool and level headed bcos they r justifying ur actions, thats what we want to hear in our life only good things about ourselves and find responses crazy huh.

what a great husband you are for making it sure that you are present right there while ur wife **** other men.great.

U said u love ur wife and respect each other and enjoy watching her being fu** by other men.i would like to know what kind of love and respect is this.your great long time friends treating her not more than a cheap wh*re and piece of a meat in front of u and u enjoy this.or has the definition of love has changed in our country.

You both are putting each other at the risk of STD and you said you both love each others.

u really need psychological counseling.

I really want to know the answers of this questions from you or others.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> vickyyy said:
> 
> 
> > i am not afraid of anyone judging me bcos i know i have not done anything wrong in my life or hurt any family, only cowards do that.
> ...


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

vickyyy said:


> yes u will find other responses so distict, cool and level headed bcos they r justifying ur actions, thats what we want to hear in our life only good things about ourselves and find responses crazy huh.
> 
> what a great husband you are for making it sure that you are present right there while ur wife **** other men.great.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

I'll try to address your questions/statements. My first comment was not aimed at you. Although, i find it interesting that you took it so personally. I do not wish to hear posts agreeing or disagreeing with me. I wish to view posts with first hand information and experience. Good or bad, right or wrong, it doesn't make a difference to me. People post questions for advice. If you have no first hand knowledge of the subject being posted, you have no business answering, in my opinion. Second, my being or not being a great husband really has little to do with this subject matter. Third, you ask about our love and respect for each other. That is a little hard to write. I guess that the love and respect we have for each other has been borne out of our time and history together. Starting as teens. Growing into adults with careers. Our first home, vacation, break up, make up, all the ups and downs of a relationship/marriage. Our children, how we've individually changed and how our relationship has changed throughout the years all leads to where we are right now. This is different from where we were 2 years ago and will be different from where we are 2 years from now. Our love and respect is not a "new" or "young" type. It's 20 years deep and unless you've been there, you wouldn't know. If someone would have asked me to be part of a 4 some when i was 25 i would have punched them in the face and got the heck out of wherever i was. Time can change you and your perspective on things. My wife has never been treated like a "cheap" you know what and i quite resent the statement. While you may feel this way (and you're perfectly entitled to) i do not appreciate your statement of fact in this regard. Fourth, as far as std's go, well, nothing (other than monogamy) is 100% safe so you certainly have a point. I will say that we are very comfortable with our level of safety. Our health should be no concern of yours or anyone else's. Finally, i'm sure we could all use some level of psychological counseling, myself included. Although, i would bet that if i took a test as did yourself, you would be the one being committed to prevent anyone (including yourself) being harmed due to strict hardline beliefs and the inability to reason or see anyone else's point of view. You sound like the type of angry zealot that shoots up an abortion clinic. Have a great day.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> Wow, that is a recipe for a dull sexlife.
> 
> There are many couples who have enjoyed threesomes for many years and there are couples whose marriages have been destroyed by this kind of thing. The key is honesty, openness and a rock-solid relationship to start with.
> 
> If you like I will introduce you to a woman who has been sleeping with other men for 30 years, with her husbands approval, and she has a marriage that I envy.


I would question whether she has a marriage or a partnership. There is a difference. :scratchhead:


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

OK on my post that was here earlier


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Beowulf said:


> I would question whether she has a marriage or a partnership. There is a difference. :scratchhead:


I think that is for them to decide. Don't you?


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> I think that is for them to decide. Don't you?


Not if you are holding them up as an example of how a marriage can continue when there is more than two in it. This site is called *Talk About Marriage* not *Talk About Partnerships*.

For what it's worth I have been and occasionally continue to explore sites such as _Fetlife_. I have seen many couples on these sites crow about how great their swinging lifestyles are until they seem to vanish after a period of time. Where did they go? Could it be that their lifestyle self destructed?

I personally know of three couples that tried being non-monogamous after having a more traditional marriage. Two broke up within 5 years and the third might as well not be called a marriage because they are hardly together. It's all good until someone gets emotionally invested and from what I can see that happening is a matter of *when* not *if*.

Frankly it seems to me that it's like trying to recreate the Icarus experiment. Sure someday someone may indeed fly with homemade wings of feather and wax but there are going to be a whole lot more who will crash and burn before that ever happens. Not worth the risk IMO.


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## kelsie24 (Feb 19, 2012)

I think it is a bad idea. This is coming from someone who has experienced it. My husband and I have a couple of them, and it's just not worth it. He has tried to hook up with the girls we have had sex with. He has gone behind my back to do so. All he thinks about are threesomes.....it has left our intimate life a mess.


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## whatmeworry (Feb 7, 2012)

This site is about married people.....some of you are not married..so just what are you doing here? And if you dont like threesomes, why read our comments. Could it be that you have a secret fetish for reading other peoples sexual adventures? or maybe your just sexually repressed?

I know when I read something that I dont agree with, Im open minded enough, and smart enough to know that not all people believe in what I believe in. So...I reserve judgement, and try to understand, and learn more about just why someone feels the way they do.

On thing I dont do.....insult others with the intent of dragging them down in some way. Who made you judge and jury? Did God die and leave you in charge? One last thing.....if I read something that I just find disgusting...guess what? I stop reading it..and you all have that option to.

Oh, and one other thing.....Id like to see what could be hidden in the closets of some of you so called moral people. Since Ive never met anyone that didnt have some secret that they wouldnt want to be known. Dont judge me..that is unless you dont mind being judged?


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

kelsie24 said:


> I think it is a bad idea. This is coming from someone who has experienced it. My husband and I have a couple of them, and it's just not worth it. He has tried to hook up with the girls we have had sex with. He has gone behind my back to do so. All he thinks about are threesomes.....it has left our intimate life a mess.


 
I am so sorry. I think that is why some people just won't take a chance going there because how can you just go back to having a normal one on one relationship after such a huge risk? I thought that most women that gave in to this felt like they had to or they would lose their husband by being cheated on or abandoned. It seems that either way you lose because the person is still not satisfied after you allow someone in your bed. They still want intimacy with someone else..... and the end result is the couple now see other people they are attracted to but justify the attraction and sexual affair because they are use to crossing the line- so if they are caught or found out, they may be confident that it won't end the marriage because the LINES HAVE BEEN CROSSED many times before.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

JTL said:


> I'll try to address your questions/statements. My first comment was not aimed at you. Although, i find it interesting that you took it so personally. I do not wish to hear posts agreeing or disagreeing with me. I wish to view posts with first hand information and experience. Good or bad, right or wrong, it doesn't make a difference to me. People post questions for advice. If you have no first hand knowledge of the subject being posted, you have no business answering, in my opinion. Second, my being or not being a great husband really has little to do with this subject matter. Third, you ask about our love and respect for each other. That is a little hard to write. I guess that the love and respect we have for each other has been borne out of our time and history together. Starting as teens. Growing into adults with careers. Our first home, vacation, break up, make up, all the ups and downs of a relationship/marriage. Our children, how we've individually changed and how our relationship has changed throughout the years all leads to where we are right now. This is different from where we were 2 years ago and will be different from where we are 2 years from now. Our love and respect is not a "new" or "young" type. It's 20 years deep and unless you've been there, you wouldn't know. If someone would have asked me to be part of a 4 some when i was 25 i would have punched them in the face and got the heck out of wherever i was. Time can change you and your perspective on things. My wife has never been treated like a "cheap" you know what and i quite resent the statement. While you may feel this way (and you're perfectly entitled to) i do not appreciate your statement of fact in this regard. Fourth, as far as std's go, well, nothing (other than monogamy) is 100% safe so you certainly have a point. I will say that we are very comfortable with our level of safety. Our health should be no concern of yours or anyone else's. Finally, i'm sure we could all use some level of psychological counseling, myself included. Although, i would bet that if i took a test as did yourself, you would be the one being committed to prevent anyone (including yourself) being harmed due to strict hardline beliefs and the inability to reason or see anyone else's point of view. You sound like the type of angry zealot that shoots up an abortion clinic. Have a great day.


You do not wish to hear posts agreeing or disagreeing with you well it’s a public forum people can comment if they do not agree with you .If you do not like this, well you can request moderator to ban me .i am not afraid of this because I know what I am saying is truth and for some people hearing truth is very painful.
Time can change you and your perspective on things.yes I accept this but it does not mean that we should break the principles we set in our life instead of fighting for it.if we do then what is the meaning of life without principles.
Okay you are confortable with level of safety regarding STDs but what about the spouse of third partner you are putting at risk and their children.but who cares our enjoyment is sole important huh.
How easy to say that u being good husband or not little to do with this subject.what a great way of running away from owning a sh*t. If you create it then why r u afraid of owning it.
And a last thing u telling me angry zealot in abortion clinic or whatever yes u can tell me because I am not coward and not afraid of being judged because I know I am not doing anything wrong or did any wrong thing in my life.
have a great day to u too.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

whatmeworry said:


> This site is about married people.....some of you are not married..so just what are you doing here? And if you dont like threesomes, why read our comments. Could it be that you have a secret fetish for reading other peoples sexual adventures? or maybe your just sexually repressed?
> 
> I know when I read something that I dont agree with, Im open minded enough, and smart enough to know that not all people believe in what I believe in. So...I reserve judgement, and try to understand, and learn more about just why someone feels the way they do.
> 
> ...


I'm here because I believe the OP asked for advice. I was adding mine. I do not need permission nor do I need to be titillated. My sex life with my wife is more than fine. So good in fact that we don't need to add another person to make it better. As for my closet, it has hangers, clothes and some shoes. No skeletons. That is called honesty and openness and it has been our mantra for two decades.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I've never understood the rationale for open marriages, threesomes, swinging etc. Why would you want to bring someone else into your marriage bed? Why complicate your relationship with the problems and baggage of another. When people say that it spices up their marriage or it makes marital sex better I always laugh. If you have a perfectly cooked steak why would you want to drown it in A1 sauce. Maybe you need to learn to make a better steak. Or if your spouse is pushing for the outside sex maybe you need to find a better cut of meat to cook with. Just saying.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I believe there are people who could have threesomes occasionally in their marriage with little problem.

These are people who don`t equate everything sexual with love and emotive response.

Most couldn`t handle the emotional repercussions within themselves.

The more common this scene became within the marriage the more likely there would be emotional connections being made and others jeopardized.

I wouldn`t have a problem bringing the occasional third into our bed but my wife couldn`t handle it so it`s off the menu for us.

I can live with it.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Beowulf said:


> Not if you are holding them up as an example of how a marriage can continue when there is more than two in it. This site is called *Talk About Marriage* not *Talk About Partnerships*.
> IMO.


So you have stated that it is not a marriage and we all have to accept that? Could you let us know what qualifies you to define what is a 'true' marriage? 

Is somebody else having a different definition of marriage and finding happiness in a way that you wouldn't some kind of threat to you? 

I'm not into threesomes and I am not encouraging anybody to do anything, but none of us has the right to state that our definition of marriage is the only one, that our way is the only way, that we are right and everybody else is wrong. That is what I object to, nothing else.


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## kelsie24 (Feb 19, 2012)

shaylady said:


> I am so sorry. I think that is why some people just won't take a chance going there because how can you just go back to having a normal one on one relationship after such a huge risk? I thought that most women that gave in to this felt like they had to or they would lose their husband by being cheated on or abandoned. It seems that either way you lose because the person is still not satisfied after you allow someone in your bed. They still want intimacy with someone else..... and the end result is the couple now see other people they are attracted to but justify the attraction and sexual affair because they are use to crossing the line- so if they are caught or found out, they may be confident that it won't end the marriage because the LINES HAVE BEEN CROSSED many times before.




Thank you. To be honest I never wanted to have a threesome, but he kept pushing me into it. Talking to other girls and trying to get them to do things with me, getting us drunk and instigating it. I believe marriage is sacred.....he just seems to think its another relationship. He doesn't seem to take my pain seriously and that he did anything wrong. It is a lose-lose situation.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> So you have stated that it is not a marriage and we all have to accept that? Could you let us know what qualifies you to define what is a 'true' marriage?
> 
> Is somebody else having a different definition of marriage and finding happiness in a way that you wouldn't some kind of threat to you?
> 
> I'm not into threesomes and I am not encouraging anybody to do anything, but none of us has the right to state that our definition of marriage is the only one, that our way is the only way, that we are right and everybody else is wrong. That is what I object to, nothing else.


Of course I have the right to state what marriage is. Of course my definition is the only one. Of course my way is the only way. Of course I am right and everyone else is wrong. *For me*. You don't have to accept anything I say. Nor did I ask you to. As to what I believe marriage is..I believe marriage is a union of two people who love each other and want to commit to each other for life. I think my definition if marriage is pretty simple to understand. Not that I care if you do understand or if you even care.

What are my qualifications in order to be able to define marriage? Well, I exist, I have my own ideas, opinions and thoughts. And I am married. That's all the qualifications I need. And even if I weren't married I would still have the right to define marriage for myself. I don't ask you to define it for me nor do I care if you accept my definition of marriage.

I don't live in Russia or China. I can't impose my will on other people but I can most assuredly state my opinion. And that is what the OP asked for is it not?


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

kelsie24 said:


> Thank you. To be honest I never wanted to have a threesome, but he kept pushing me into it. Talking to other girls and trying to get them to do things with me, getting us drunk and instigating it. I believe marriage is sacred.....he just seems to think its another relationship. He doesn't seem to take my pain seriously and that he did anything wrong. It is a lose-lose situation.


I am sorry for what u r going through.Your husband is showing total disrespect to you.You really need to have serious talk with him.If he is not ready to commit to you then dont waste your life with such a man.If you dont have any kids then just exit this marriage.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

kelsie24 said:


> Thank you. To be honest I never wanted to have a threesome, but he kept pushing me into it. Talking to other girls and trying to get them to do things with me, getting us drunk and instigating it. I believe marriage is sacred.....he just seems to think its another relationship. He doesn't seem to take my pain seriously and that he did anything wrong. It is a lose-lose situation.


 
He sounds really selfish. He talks you into giving in then he tries to get with them behind your back. You have to love yourself more to be able to walk away from that type of manipulation. That type of manipulation is the worse kind because of the position in puts you in. *Do you plan on staying in this marriage?*

I don't know how your self esteem is or what this has done to your self esteem but you can't be happy knowing he has no boundaries in your marriage. He should have stayed a bachelor. Some men just are really the bachelor at heart type guys.

I have girlfriends and guyfriends that I'm close to since grade school. They will tell me things that they wouldn't tell anyone else because they want to hear my advice OR they trust that I won't repeat it. I have two guy friends that are married and just seem to be so FREAKY. They are married and both their wives try to put it down in the bedroom because they know how they are but it doesn't matter what the wife does, they engage in very selfish i, me, my needs type behavior. Just never satisfied. Some men should just stay bachelors and not marry.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Beowulf said:


> I don't live in Russia or China. I can't impose my will on other people but I can most assuredly state my opinion. And that is what the OP asked for is it not?


Well, the OP is long gone. Probably enjoying a hot threesome while we bicker. Hahaha.

Fine, state your opinion, but you can't tell other people their marriage isn't real. Oranges aren't the only fruit.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

vickyyy said:


> I am sorry for what u r going through.Your husband is showing total disrespect to you.You really need to have serious talk with him.If he is not ready to commit to you then dont waste your life with such a man.If you dont have any kids then just exit this marriage.


Vickyyy is right. Pushing something like this on you is disrespectful. You are entitled to have your boundaries. Would your husband appreciate it if you decided to have sex with another man? Would he appreciate it if you decided to have another man's child? Would that break his boundaries? We all have boundaries. You need to make sure he understands what your boundaries are and if he can't respect them then you aren't going to have a very good relationship going forward.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> Well, the OP is long gone. Probably enjoying a hot threesome while we bicker. Hahaha.
> 
> Fine, state your opinion, but you can't tell other people their marriage isn't real. Oranges aren't the only fruit.


No. But rotten fruit usually smells pretty bad and usually isn't suitable for eating. 

And thank you for _allowing_ me to state my opinion.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

kelsie24 said:


> Thank you. To be honest I never wanted to have a threesome, but he kept pushing me into it. Talking to other girls and trying to get them to do things with me, getting us drunk and instigating it. I believe marriage is sacred.....he just seems to think its another relationship. He doesn't seem to take my pain seriously and that he did anything wrong. It is a lose-lose situation.



love must be tough, otherwise your partner will take you for granted. these threesome folks dont have mind to understand this.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

kelsie24 said:


> I think it is a bad idea. This is coming from someone who has experienced it. My husband and I have a couple of them, and it's just not worth it. He has tried to hook up with the girls we have had sex with. He has gone behind my back to do so. All he thinks about are threesomes.....it has left our intimate life a mess.


Why continue in this misery? It will not change and is likely to get worse. He likes threesomes and you don't. He does not care that it hurts you. It sounds as if he sees you as a sex object he can use. 

How is your self esteem? How is your sense of dignity and self-preservation? He is highly likely to cheat and cheat again. Do you want to expose yourself to disease and emotional damage? He is not staying with you out of love but because he knows he will not find another woman who would allow herself to be used as a sex object. He won the lottery big time.. 

Get yourself away and let him search for a replacement. He will be chasing his d!ck around until it stops working. By that time he may regret his warped view of women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Break it off and let him search for a replacement. He will be chasing his d!ck around until it stops working. By that time he may regret his warped view of women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Love it when you talk that way Catherine.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

johnnycomelately said:


> Well, the OP is long gone. Probably enjoying a hot threesome while we bicker. Hahaha.
> 
> Fine, state your opinion, but you can't tell other people their marriage isn't real. Oranges aren't the only fruit.


You wish. Ha ha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kelsie24 (Feb 19, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Why continue in this misery? It will not change and is likely to get worse. He likes threesomes and you don't. He does not care that it hurts you. It sounds as if he sees you as a sex object he can use.
> 
> How is your self esteem? How is your sense of dignity and self-preservation? He is highly likely to cheat and cheat again. Do you want to expose yourself to disease and emotional damage? He is not staying with you out of love but because he knows he will not find another woman who would allow herself to be used as a sex object. He won the lottery big time..
> 
> ...



I don't have a good self-image, I've always had low self esteem and depression. I had an ex who was abusive and manipulative. I have been raped twice. Maybe this could be why I let people walk all over me?


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

vickyyy said:


> You do not wish to hear posts agreeing or disagreeing with you well it’s a public forum people can comment if they do not agree with you .If you do not like this, well you can request moderator to ban me .i am not afraid of this because I know what I am saying is truth and for some people hearing truth is very painful.
> Time can change you and your perspective on things.yes I accept this but it does not mean that we should break the principles we set in our life instead of fighting for it.if we do then what is the meaning of life without principles.
> Okay you are confortable with level of safety regarding STDs but what about the spouse of third partner you are putting at risk and their children.but who cares our enjoyment is sole important huh.
> How easy to say that u being good husband or not little to do with this subject.what a great way of running away from owning a sh*t. If you create it then why r u afraid of owning it.
> ...


Your grasp on the english language is shaky. I'm fine with people disagreeing with me (yourself included), but you have not brought any information or first hand knowledge to this discussion. I'm certainly not running away from anything. Especially from someone whom deems me morally corrupt because of any lifestyle choice my wife and i have made. Your main argument and objection to threesomes/swinging etc, comes out of a strict religious belief. We do not share that belief. As such, we have not broken any principles or moral laws between us. We do have many principles and morals we adhere to. They may be different from yours. That's ok. I fully respect your position based on faith/religion, etc. Why is it never the other way around though? Is it not ok that other people live their lives the way they see fit? For themselves and their family alone? Why should i have to agree with your belief structure? And the comment on the "partner" of the person we had the threesome with-they don't exist. The person we had a threesome with is single (and clean and safe). We have not put anyone at risk, including ourselves. Again, this isn't your concern. You say you're not a coward? Answer this-Why are you so afraid of other people engaging in activities that you don't agree with? That you have no first hand knowledge of?


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

vickyyy said:


> love must be tough, otherwise your partner will take you for granted. these threesome folks dont have mind to understand this.


I actually agree with most of what you've posted to Kelsie. I would like you to expand on this comment though. What do you mean by "love must be tough"? And while we have engaged in a few alternate activities, we do not consider ourselves swingers/threesome people. We're a happily married couple who have had 5 such events in about 8 years.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

JTL said:


> Your grasp on the english language is shaky. I'm fine with people disagreeing with me (yourself included), but you have not brought any information or first hand knowledge to this discussion. I'm certainly not running away from anything. Especially from someone whom deems me morally corrupt because of any lifestyle choice my wife and i have made. Your main argument and objection to threesomes/swinging etc, comes out of a strict religious belief. We do not share that belief. As such, we have not broken any principles or moral laws between us. We do have many principles and morals we adhere to. They may be different from yours. That's ok. I fully respect your position based on faith/religion, etc. Why is it never the other way around though? Is it not ok that other people live their lives the way they see fit? For themselves and their family alone? Why should i have to agree with your belief structure? And the comment on the "partner" of the person we had the threesome with-they don't exist. The person we had a threesome with is single (and clean and safe). We have not put anyone at risk, including ourselves. Again, this isn't your concern. You say you're not a coward? Answer this-Why are you so afraid of other people engaging in activities that you don't agree with? That you have no first hand knowledge of?


First thing, i dont expect u to agree with me.
but, people like u making the mockery of the marriage in public forum is not acceptable.
One more thing, i think other men lied to u about their relationships.If any man is getting a chance to bang a wh*** free of cost then of course he will lie .
You better keep a close watch on your wife, who knows she may be banging other men behind your back.


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