# He wants out, I'm still in love



## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

Hi guys,

So today my husband of almost 9 years told me he didn't want to make the effort to make it work anymore. We have had little hiccups in our marriage but nothing out of the ordinary. I'm still very much in love with him and want it to work but I don't know what to do for him to listen to me.

I've been a a absolute mess and can't stop crying. He hasn't even me a concrete reason why he wants out of the marriage. "There are a lot of things" is all I keep getting. I suggest counseling and he shut it down. He loves me but doesn't want to try is what I keep getting.

I don't know if there is someone because I've asked and he has said no. I didn't get the feeling there was. Maybe I wasn't paying attention to that because I wasn't expecting it.

Please help me on what to do. I want to fight for my marriage.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

Eyeznx said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> So today my husband of almost 9 years told me he didn't want to make the effort to make it work anymore. We have had little hiccups in our marriage but nothing out of the ordinary. I'm still very much in love with him and want it to work but I don't know what to do for him to listen to me.
> 
> ...


I thought my husband would never cheat and he did. I couldn't believe it when people were telling me there was someone else. But there was.


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## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

Another thing is I move out of state to be with him and I have no support system here. I'm anxiety levels are through the roof. The only friend I told is saying I should let him go and walk away. He's been a good husband and I can't justify walking away from my marriage. If he had cheated or hit me I wouldn't hesitate but I can't walk away without even knowing why. What went to wrong.


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## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

Pamvhv said:


> I thought my husband would never cheat and he did. I couldn't believe it when people were telling me there was someone else. But there was.



I wasn't clear on that. I'm crying and can't formulate my thoughts. I don't know if he did cheated, he said no. I don't have any reason to say he did.

I just want to make it work, I need advice on what to do to get him to try make this work.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offence, but of course he said no when you asked him if there was someone else. People don't usually end marriages over "little bumps". I'm not saying for sure that he is cheating, but I suspect it's more likely than not. 

If you want to try to save your marriage, you'll have to dig deeper. In the meantime, talk to a lawyer to protect yourself. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You can't make it work until you find out what the problems actually are.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

PBear said:


> No offence, but of course he said no when you asked him if there was someone else. People don't usually end marriages over "little bumps". I'm not saying for sure that he is cheating, but I suspect it's more likely than not.
> 
> If you want to try to save your marriage, you'll have to dig deeper. In the meantime, talk to a lawyer to protect yourself.
> 
> ...



I plan to contact a lawyer this week


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## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

PBear said:


> You can't make it work until you find out what the problems actually are.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish he would say. I'm not getting nothing no solid answer from him.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Eyeznx said:


> I wish he would say. I'm not getting nothing no solid answer from him.


And that's why you need to investigate. Again, I'm not saying he is cheating. But do what you can to eliminate that. Check any social media you have access to of his, like Facebook, email, Skype, iMessage. Check his cell phone records. I'm not talking about hiring a PI. Just do what you can. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

My husband didn't tell me he was seeing someone. But I knew it in my gut. He was being different with his phone. Dog walks were taking longer. All of a sudden he was needed at the office more and longer...


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## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

PBear said:


> And that's why you need to investigate. Again, I'm not saying he is cheating. But do what you can to eliminate that. Check any social media you have access to of his, like Facebook, email, Skype, iMessage. Check his cell phone records. I'm not talking about hiring a PI. Just do what you can.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's not on any social media, my best bet would be his cell phone which I don't know the password to. I hear what your saying I'm just going to have to try and get to the bottom of it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you have access to his cell phone account, online? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

Pamvhv said:


> My husband didn't tell me he was seeing someone. But I knew it in my gut. He was being different with his phone. Dog walks were taking longer. All of a sudden he was needed at the office more and longer...


That's the thing his behavior hasn't changed. He comes home from from work at the same time. He is home on his 2 days off. I can't honestly say he has been doing things for me to be suspicious of an affair. I just know that he hasn't been as attentive. 

He's 11 years older than me. I ask if it was mid life crisis. We're not having financial problems. I'm lost I really am.


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## Eyeznx (Jul 13, 2014)

PBear said:


> Do you have access to his cell phone account, online?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm. Those are bad signs in themselves, but more if they suddenly start happening. Speaking of locking cell phones and no access to accounts. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Ask him to let you look at his phone with the pass ode off. Look for apps like kik, snapchat, Instagram, mobli, etc. if he won't let you look, then it only stands to reason that he has somethingto hide


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

I agree with you OP un that he may not be cheating, it does not sound as though he is IMO. However, as others have said until you know why he wants to leave you will not be able to fix things, if they are fixable.

There is more than a decade between me and my wife. I do think large age differences can pose problems in a relationship. They do not always, but that maybe one of the reasons there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Completely out of the blue?

My bet is there is someone else. 

People (men) don't just randomly say they want out of a relationship. That has been my experience anyway.


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