# Is this feeling normal?? Im a bit concern



## indistressed (Sep 14, 2009)

Well my H has left today  and after going and doing the hardest thing I have ever done, telling our kids that we were separating, I dont feel heart broken or even devastated about him leaving. We have been married for almost 10 years and we've had more downs then ups. I am a bit concern because I do not want this seperation I trully love him and always hoped to spend the rest of my life with him. Him on the other hand was not happy and could not see if he could be happy with me, so he claims that before he would be unfauthful again he rather leave. I dont understand his reason for this separation but I have accepted it. He didn't even take all his clothes and since we told the kids about the seperation he seems more relaxed and relieved, about what? I dont know since this is his decision. Before we informed the kids he would barely talk to me and after we told the kids and some family members he has been sharing stories and being a bit friendly. For moments he makes me think that he does not want to leave but I know that if this thought crosses his mind is because of the kids not because of me. I dont know though if my feelings are normal or if I am just trying to ignore and protect myself and not feeling the hurt and disappoitment over this whole thing, which I know that it is not healthy. I have cried my heart out, even yesterday looking at him and knowing that it might be the last time we would sleep together in the same bed,just sleep was very hard and painful. But for some reason I feel at peace and know that I have to focus on my kids now. I hate the fact that he has left not only for me but for the kids more than anything. My son 6 is having a harder time in dealing with this. He cries and tells me that he does not want Dad to leave, as much as I tell him that I know that it hurts and it is hard to understand this situation i wish I can do so much more for him. My daughter 9, is dealing with it a bit better, I guess she has a better understanding that Dad will always be here for them and that this separation is between husband and wife not Mom and Dad. I am trying to stay possitive and try to move forward, I know 99.9% that he will not be coming back and need to continue in just looking forward and try to be the best Mom that I can be. Are all these feelings normal? Am I denying myself the oportunity to be sad?? I just dont know. Please is anybody else goingthrough all this mixed feelings? Please feel free to share. Thank you.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Oh, I am so sorry.

You have been through a rough time and telling the kids is tough - and they will be suffering as well.

Whatever you are feeling is whatever you shoud be feeling.

For my part I think there are times when I just go 'dead' inside and when we told the kids was one of them.

Maybe its a protection thing.

You will be strong for the kids - you have to be 

and they will sense that.

It is great that they have a mum who can be there and tell them that she understands their pain.....

I wish you all the strength you need to get through 

keep posting

so many on here have been through same thing


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Sounds to me like you're tired of fighting for a marriage that your spouse simply does not want.

I don't think you're denying yourself sadness. But I do think sadness will occasionally rear its ugly head. I think you realize you can't make someone else happy if they don't want to be happy with you. And you are ready to move on.

Honestly, that's terrific! You can find your own happiness without his baggage. Afterall, it is his decision. And who wants a guy who says he will leave before he cheats again, anyway? He's leaving. That tells you he wants to cheat. 

He needs to deal with his son, though. He owes that boy an explanation.


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## indistressed (Sep 14, 2009)

Today was not a good experience. Somebdoy please give me some advice on how to handle this. I thought the worst was over but how sadly mistaken I was. I guess I just forgot that it would take my kids sometime to adjust to the change of Dad living some place else. But in the meantime they settle into this new life, I have to try to make it better for them but sometimes I just feel that I can only do but so much unfortunately, my H actions, words count too. My son is killing me , today my H came by again and when it was time for him to leave my son would not let him go crying I want Daddy, I want Daddy. He would sit down with him and try to calm him down but when he would try to leave he would run again and tell him that he did not want him to go. This whole sceen was very hard how do I make him feel better, how can I help my son? I wanted to hug him and just hold him and he would push me away he wanted his Dad. My H at one point got me very upset since he did not handle this very well. He asked me to please take him that he needed to go, that he was tiered and wanted to rest. I just wanted to rip him at that moment how dare he, how [email protected]$*& dare he puts his needs first when this kid is just crying from the pain that HE has caused, it is his decision. I feel so devasted that I see that my son is going through all this and that there is just so much that I can do. How can I address to my H that hs behavior was not helpful, I dont want to fight or argue but he has to realize that he must put the kids first. who [email protected]$%* cares if he is tiered and wants to rest. Even my daughter was getting sad and ready to cry because her brother was hurting. Please GOD give me the strenght and wisdom to handle this situation. Pls help any advice on what to say to my son when he says why is he leaving, I want him to stay?


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Okay,
the things I have learnt are that 

1.kids need to be comforted by both parents through this time - they need to be allowed to express their emotions - they will be going through a version of what you are - sadness, grief, shock, confusion,
2. if they are saying goodbye to their dad they need to know where they are going and when they will see them again
3. things need to become predictable ASAP i.e regular times for catch ups - doing regular stuff etc...

whatever can remain the same should for as long as possible 


I am not sure how much of this you can control.

Is your H usually this obtuse and selfish when it comes to his own kids?

If he is you are just going to have to step up and protect them as much as you can.

If he can't be kind and responsible and display love and empathy for his kids you may need to tell him what to do 

do you think he would listen to you?

what do you think is going on with him?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I agree with knortoh's post.

Let your children know that you both love them. That this isn't their fault. That it's ok to feel sad or angry. That you both are there for them. All of that stuff matter.


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