# WTF do I say to the OM if anything. We are bound to meet



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I will be divorce soon enough. I am pretty sure my wife will be moving in with the OM and at least my8 year old son. The 13 year old is staying with me ATM. 

The OM basically held my STBXW hand through everything, The Fake R, giving her a secret phone, getting her another secret phone when I found the first ( didn't find the 2nd ).. Just everything he could to make me feel pain. She of course tortured me as well for some crazy reason. 

So you understand this has been less then friendly on her part or his part no matter how polite I tried to be or asked her to explain to me why she would be upset with me after doing all she did to ME.

So nonetheless I know we will meet eventually.

The guy is 5'1" or 5'2" with a big gap in his front teeth. I'm 6'3" with full set of teeth.
He has been arrested and has a criminal background ( I'm a cop ). 
He is about 53 years old, 8 years older then me. 
I can retire today and still bring home more money not working then he does. Matter of fact my wife *( because of me putting her through school ) *makes more money per hour then he does.

End result I can think of a million things I can tell him. But I'm also thinking the best thing to do is just not talk to him and cut him off if he tries to say something to me. To make it clear there is nothing he can say or that anything he says to me is worth listening to. 

Basically give him the 180 treatment. Let them know they just don't matter in my life. 

Just figure I know many here had to deal with this before me and could give me some input and future advice. 

As always thanks TAM For listening to me gripe, complain, whine and cry...


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I'd go with the ignore option.

Your wife won herself one heck of a trophy there! Maybe what you should do is set up a pool and bet on how long it will be before she tires of him or how long it will be before one of them cheats on the other


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Toffer said:


> I'd go with the ignore option.
> 
> Your wife won herself one heck of a trophy there! Maybe what you should do is set up a pool and bet on how long it will be before she tires of him or how long it will be before one of them cheats on the other


I have stay I'm happy she didn't trade up. 

My friend describes as being pu$$y blind. For this guy this is his porn star. My STBXW is an attractive women. This is the best he will get for what he has to offer so he isn't going to give this up.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Just trying to get some more input on this..


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

Ignore him, why give him the time of day, lets say he says something and then your anger takes over, anything he could say or do could result to violence, and big excuse to take away your kids, avoid any confrontation

as long he does not put a hand on your kids i'd ignore the scum


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Why don't you tell us here what you'd like to say or do to him and we'll help you tone it down to a reasonable level?

When you make eye contact, at least give him the iciest of icy stares.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

You should ignore him.

With your occupation, you could certainly have your co-workers mess with them within the boundaries of the law, but it would seem predictable - and probably won't make you feel any better.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Ignore them----minimize contact with both of them.
Get yourseld an "upgrade"-----character is what really matters!


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I am learning not to rent space to people in my head these days. If you run into him smile slyly and walk on by. Don't speak to him, don't bother with him, don't rent space out to him in your head (or her). The only people you should care about are your kids and yourself.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Pound him into ground.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He's a criminal. Can you block her exposing your son to him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

Ignore him. The icy stare is ridiculous. Dont give him the satisfaction. Treat him as if he is invisible and entirely irrelevent. Anything you say will be over his head.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If he has a criminal background you can most likely prevent your kids from being in the same house as him. 

Read yous state laws and plan ahead.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

keko said:


> If he has a criminal background you can most likely prevent your kids from being in the same house as him.
> 
> Read yous state laws and plan ahead.


Negative, can't

Cases are not closed but nothing violent. 

Plus financially ATM I just can't fight it. I would literally have to pay 60k in legal fees to fight this, half would be for the STBXW lawyer. If I divorce her then it will just be 30k and the Ex can use the money I gave her in the settlement to defend herself.

But I think ignoring him is right.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

staystrong said:


> Pound him into ground.


I wish I could just out of satisfaction. But I would be SCREWED BIG TIME being a cop. I would get suspended, arrested, law suit. Just isn't worth it for me ATM.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

How are u dealing with this ex con being around your kids? And did i ever expose her affair? This way they cannot rewrite history as a new couple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

This is a good thread that I thought about starting. I haven't ran into the POSom yet (to where he saw me). About 3 or so weeks ago I went to Wal Mart. I was buying a few food items and noticed a familar looking person but only could see her from behind and about 20 feet away. The guy she was with turned around towards me (but didn't look at me). I saw it was the POSom and my ex wife. I had a million thougts go thru my head at the moment. 

Should I run at him and beat him to a pulp...walk by and verbally go off on him...continue on as if they aren't there and keep shopping...or leave immediatly so neither would see me. I decided to leave. I don't want this POSom to ever take anything from me again (my freedom or money for hospital bills if I beat his a##). He isn't worth that and neither is my ex. 

I really should have gone over to him and shook his hand for taking that woman I used to know. He really did me a favor (at least going by what friends and family have to say about her...I'm starting to see what they see now).


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

You don't need to say anything to this guy.If you absoulutely have to interact treat it like a traffic stop-to the point.
You might be fighting him/her at some point later on over your other kid -you have seen the enemy and they are it! 
I'm in the same situation the way things are going inevitably we will cross paths -he tries to be friendly or whatever I'm going to tell him its nothing personal- but don't talk to me.Should he ever touch one of girls inappropriately I might have to break his arm.Hell I don't talk to her either -don't see her and my kids are divied up also.
After the divorce I put my foot down and streamlined things as far expenses and hence less contact.
I have friends who still interact with their ex and significant other it just goes round and round.
Staying the hell away has worked for me.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Hardtohandle said:


> I wish I could just out of satisfaction. But I would be SCREWED BIG TIME being a cop. I would get suspended, arrested, law suit. Just isn't worth it for me ATM.


I beat up the POSOM and I have to tell you it felt really good. I have to watch my step as he and the ex have 3 years to press charges if they wish. It's unfortunate that our society lets people get away with infidelity and homewrecking so easily, and that any sort of street justice can strip you of your job, your freedom, or your children. I'm not going to fight you if you break into my home and steal my TV or whatever. If you try to steal my wife and family, that's another story. 

Wouldn't it be great if some of your buddies pulled him over for a moving violation and - how's this? - they've discovered something that violates his probation? What a shame. 

In all seriousness, take the high road and don't give him the time of day. He's going to feel uncomfortable knowing what a POS he is and what a good guy you are. If you have to say anything at all, just keep it short and direct.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

What would a younger, stronger alpha male do to an older, weaker, smaller specimen?

Dominate him.

Be relaxed, be calm, be confident, dominate the space (but in a cool, non-threatening way), dominate the conversation if there is any (keep it very brief as if he doesn't feature in your alpha world beyond the briefest of low key acknowledgements) and move on swiftly and purposefully to the next thing as if you have your own agenda that is far more important than him.

Use those cop skills. How do you deal with low life on the streets? You let them know that they are low life without physically intimidating them, insulting them or assaulting them. You have minimal contact with the ****roaches, have the conversation that you want to have, on your terms, and then you leave. Your agenda.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

HardtoHandle,
For your custody situation, you can ask the court to insert a morality clause into your custody agreement. This bars him from spending the night when your children are with your STBXW. Also, why are you allowing siblings to be divided. Most courts don't go for split custody. As for the cost, custody can be done for free and without lawyers. If you don't hire a lawyer, then you don't have to pay for your ex's lawyer either. The court has to award those fees and that could be negotiated in the final settlement. It is not automatic.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

illwill said:


> How are u dealing with this ex con being around your kids? And did i ever expose her affair? This way they cannot rewrite history as a new couple.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No I completely failed at the exposure part. I failed at the 180. 

I was just in too much shock to handle it. 

Now I'm just waiting for her to get out so I can move on. The reality is this guy was the fox that got into the hen house. There were 3 attempts before this guy. 

As painful as it might be I need to move on to someone who can love me.

I don't care at this point what they rewrite. She is pretty much dead to me.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Married in VA said:


> HardtoHandle,
> For your custody situation, you can ask the court to insert a morality clause into your custody agreement. This bars him from spending the night when your children are with your STBXW. Also, why are you allowing siblings to be divided. Most courts don't go for split custody. As for the cost, custody can be done for free and without lawyers. If you don't hire a lawyer, then you don't have to pay for your ex's lawyer either. The court has to award those fees and that could be negotiated in the final settlement. It is not automatic.


The long and the short of this. Financially I come out ahead VERY well. Because she wants to run out and be with the OM she is looking to get this done. 

Where I live regardless if she needs a lawyer because of the income difference I will have to provide her one. 

I also have custody verbiage in the paperwork to eliminate future custody fights. So once she signs instead of paying 5k for a custody fight I just might need to pay 1k because the courts can reflect back at the initial agreement. 

End result what I failed to do doing the Affair ( exposure, 180 ) I was able to recoup during the divorce stage where I was much stronger.

I am not allowing them to be split, my ex is with all she has done. Nutshell she exposed my kids to the affair. 

My oldest who is 13 and much brighter then I was at 13, understood what was going on. As a matter of fact he was the one that told me during therapy that my STBXW had a second secret phone after I caught her with the first one. Plus many other things he seen and had to endure. It hurt him he had to lie or just ignore WTF was going on. 

My son is upset with his mother ( doesn't hate her, just upset ), he does not want to see the OM and surely does not want to live with him and my son just does not want to move from the home he was born and raised in.

I know we went a bit off topic here.. So I will get back on track..

If he tries to say anything I think I will cut him off and just tell him nothing he can say to me has any value and that his best bet is to STFU.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I would ignore him, and in situations where you can't, if he tries to communicate I'd shut him down with a good old FYYPOS everytime.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

If you're a cop, the only words you need to say to him are

License and Registration please or

You have the right to remain silent.....

Aside from that, just walk past him like he's just another stranger.


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