# Mental Cheating



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Well, 
I have been married for 23 years and have never actually cheated, emotionally or otherwise. The thing is, if I see a good looking woman and even not so good looking, I ALWAYS want to have sex with her. In my mind, in a matter of seconds, even if I'm giving a speech, or walking down the street passing someone, I have sex with each and every one of these women, IN MY MIND. This has been going on everyday of my life, since puberty. My question is this:
To men, is this par for the course for men or am I crazy?
For women, do you do the same thing with men you see and meet, or not?

BTW: I have told my wife about this aspect of my mind. I also told her all men are the same, but I don't know that for sure.

I think all men are like heroin addicts regarding sex. They are always looking for the next fix. Even after sex with my wife, if I go out 5 minutes after sex and see a good looking girl.....BAMM want sex with her. What a sad condition to be in, IMO.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Not sure I do that, but I can say I've done it in the past for sure.

You can't really control the thoughts that come to your mind naturally (and that is exactly what's happening).

Only thing you can control is how you deal with those thoughts. Recognize yourself and divert your mind to other things (things you like preferably). 

DO NOT keep thinking and let your mind dig you deeper into it. 

I call this "your brain tricking you". If you let it, your brain will run WILD!!!

I've said this many times on this forums. Mental recognition and management is an important aspect of relationship.

People that cannot control these thoughts and make them into reality are the people that have to deal with consequences and ruin relationships.

There are times when I walk by a lady and just feel this natural attraction in the atmosphere, and at times it's very strong. I just smile/recognize myself....ignore myself (think of my wife) and keep walking. And of course I'm not perfect at times......and other thoughts come up as well (similar to yours). Rub one out if you have to/if it helps.  

No harm in these thoughts as long as we don't act on them or break any relationship rules.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

UMP said:


> The thing is, if I see a good looking woman and even not so good looking, I ALWAYS want to have sex with her. ...
> 
> BTW: I have told my wife about this aspect of my mind. I also told her all men are the same, but I don't know that for sure.


We are not ALL the same. I only think about sex with the good looking women I see. Usually don't think about the not-so-good looking ones...


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

What was your wife's response when you told her this?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Eagle3 said:


> What was your wife's response when you told her this?


She was "sad" for me. Basically sad because I could not fulfill those desires (obviously).
That's it.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Theseus said:


> We are not ALL the same. I only think about sex with the good looking women I see. Usually don't think about the not-so-good looking ones...


:lol:
:rofl:


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

At times I've looked at people and wondered what it was like to have sex with them...but not necessarily myself. There's been a few men I've actually been attracted to that way. A very few.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

UMP said:


> She was "sad" for me. Basically sad because I could not fulfill those desires (obviously).
> That's it.


Be careful sharing these thoughts. 

I would highly recommend that you start practicing diverting these thoughts and tell your wife about this. Tell her you are doing your best to divert and not let your brain steer you into sexual thoughts.

Trust me, she deals with this too, but knowing that you are working on it/taking action and diverting will go a LONG LONG LONG way to make her more comfortable (compare to now).

I'm sure if you were to put yourself in your wife's shoes, you would be pretty sad and disappointed right now. So work HARD to make her feel more at easy and happier about this ordeal.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

DoF said:


> Be careful sharing these thoughts.
> 
> I would highly recommend that you start practicing diverting these thoughts and tell your wife about this. Tell her you are doing your best to divert and not let your brain steer you into sexual thoughts.
> 
> ...


I told her this YEARS and YEARS ago. In her mind, she believes women do not have this problem. I know she could be blowing sh$t and for all I know, thinks exactly the way I do. That's one of the reasons I wanted women to answer on this thread.
I understand what you are saying, but it has not come up in ages. She just knows the way my brain is wired from past discussions. When we are together and sometimes when I'm alone, I try not to look at all.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

UMP said:


> ...I have sex with each and every one of these women, IN MY MIND. This has been going on everyday of my life, since puberty. My question is this:
> To men, is this par for the course for men or am I crazy?
> 
> ... I also told her all men are the same, but I don't know that for sure.
> ...


Wow, can't speak for others, but that is not me. There are women who are just friends. That is not to say that I haven't fantisized about a woman or two in my time or spent a moment lingering over a Sports Illustrated or Playboy magazine. However, every woman, all the time.....no way.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Sounds like the short version of my life from about age 12 onward. But I'm with Theseus - it isn't *every* woman, but as I've posted here in the past, perhaps one out of every 3 or 4. 

It's not this long drawn out fantasy sequence where we share a cigarette at the end, just a "yeah, I'd do her" sort of thing.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> Wow, can't speak for others, but that is not me. There are women who are just friends. That is not to say that I haven't fantisized about a woman or two in my time or spent a moment lingering over a Sports Illustrated or Playboy magazine. However, every woman, all the time.....no way.


Consider yourself fortunate !
In fact, I used to be a professional pilot and one of the reasons I quit was because I KNEW I could not control myself in other countries on over night trips.
I've been good for 23 years, lets hope I have another 23 in me!


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Woman's point of view: I certainly don't imagine having sex with everyman. But I definitely do about some guys. I don't consider it a problem. I don't have have sex with them and I don't form an emotional attachment.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I'm a woman and have an extraordinary sex life with my husband. I can see a man and think that he is good looking and even hot but NEVER think about having sex with him. Maybe because I've only had sex with my husband? IDK...


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

BlueWoman said:


> Woman's point of view: I certainly don't imagine having sex with everyman. But I definitely do about some guys. I don't consider it a problem. I don't have have sex with them and I don't form an emotional attachment.


In my job, every Monday I give a short speech to a group of new people. Some of these people are HOT women. So, while I'm talking I am mentally having sex with these women in front of me. Sometimes I can feel them looking and thinking the same thing in my direction. Nothing like giving a speech 3 feet from a girl staring you down, fixed on your crotch. That's when I get nervous, finish up my speech and go run to my office to take a deep breath. I guess I'm the poster child for Dr. Freud.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I need an emotional connection with my partner, and to trust him, before sex becomes appealing to me. So, no, I don't imagine having sex with every man I see. I may briefly think about whether I find a stranger attractive, or notice that I'm attracted to him, but even then I don't imagine us having sex or even really consider what the details of sex with him might be like.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I pretty much imagine every woman I come into contact with naked....NOT family members of course...

I think of it as my curiosity going for it. 

I think about what a random women would be like in bed...only about 98% of the time. Luckily, my mind works in such a way that it immediately starts spitting out the possible consequences of every action at light speed. This shuts down the below the waist response pretty effectively.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

It's just your limbic system doing it's job -- ensuring the progression of the species and particularly your DNA. Don't sweat it unless it's a problem.

For me, if I notice I'm fantasizing about someone, I try to redirect that into a more purely abstract appreciation of their physical appeal. 

Noticing a hot woman can boost your energy (sure makes me work out harder in the gym when they're around!), they can boost your mood, boost your T, and be a positive thing.

I'm a healthy man. Healthy men notice healthy women. It doesn't mean you have a whole penthouse forum scenario in your head about them necessarily.

In short, for me, once I acknowledge the natural masculine response and enjoy it, it typically goes no further than the "noticing" phase. When I try to repress it, it sometimes goes all wonky.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

UMP said:


> In my job, every Monday I give a short speech to a group of new people. Some of these people are HOT women. So, while I'm talking I am mentally having sex with these women in front of me. Sometimes I can feel them looking and thinking the same thing in my direction. Nothing like giving a speech 3 feet from a girl staring you down, fixed on your crotch. That's when I get nervous, finish up my speech and go run to my office to take a deep breath. I guess I'm the poster child for Dr. Freud.


It's hard for women to relate to men on this topic. We are sexual creatures (not saying that women are not) but sexual thoughts (regardless of the nature) are part of our daily lives.

And on the opposite end, it's hard for men to relate to women. Cause if women were to think like this, and still have the power/key to sex.....it can get rather dangerous (especially with horny men everywhere).

Women's self containment/will would have to be SO much harder then it is for us. 

We can think but acting on it takes LOT of work and money.

For women, it's just a matter of saying "come on let's go".

hehe


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

DoF said:


> It's hard for women to relate to men on this topic. We are sexual creatures (not saying that women are not) but sexual thoughts (regardless of the nature) are part of our daily lives.


I'm not sure I agree with this.

I just think that many women have different expectations placed on them by society and themselves.

And probably have a lot more complex internal life than at least I do. So, while it may cross their mind, a whole heck of a lot other stuff does, too. So the response may be more subtle and nuanced than, say mine (e.g. "wow, nice ____!")

If you look at studies about the female sexual response as an example, many times it's a lot higher on average than men's is, and with a far wider range of stimuli -- men/women, men/men, women/women, etc.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I dont do it with every woman, but the ones I find attactive I give it a good half second or so. I would say about one in 30 cross my threshold for additional examination. Its part of what makes me a male. Mate slection and readieness, although I am not a slave to it as some are. This is a continual scanning process that runs automatically since the day I first saw Jill St. John.
Great day.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marduk said:


> I'm not sure I agree with this.
> 
> I just think that many women have different expectations placed on them by society and themselves.
> 
> ...


Not disagreeing with that, but we haven't seen the evidence of that here (yet)


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I'm a woman. No. I don't mentally have sex with every dude I see. Why?! Because 98% aren't even attractive enough to look at twice....let alone fantasize about. 

Honestly. 

Women are supposed to look like super models and have a certain body type, have our hair and nails done, dress nicely, etc, etc, etc....meanwhile, so many men (not all obviously) wake up throw on whatever is laying around, put no effort into appearance (or smell for that matter), and walk around scratching their balls in public...it's disgusting. 


I am really HD. I think about sex constantly. I will have a few nasty thoughts about a guy I see at the gym or the rare unicorn guy walking around that is nicely built and takes pride in his appearance. Other than that? nope. I usually only fantasize about my H. I find him extremely attractive - so that helps!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

See?

Be the unicorn!


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

marduk said:


> See?
> 
> Be the unicorn!


EXACTLY :smthumbup:


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> I'm a woman. No. I don't mentally have sex with every dude I see. Why?! Because 98% aren't even attractive enough to look at twice....let alone fantasize about.
> 
> Honestly.


Same goes for men. I'm sure OP is referring to every women that's attractive.....not EVERY SINGLE ONE.



staarz21 said:


> Women are supposed to look like super models and have a certain body type, have our hair and nails done, dress nicely, etc, etc, etc...


Actually, it's YOUR problem that you choose to fall into the our society standards and engage into "painting pretty pictures" game. Women don't have to do any of that.

You would be suprised how many men actually don't like "super model" type body (including me). TO ME, it looks no different than holocaust survivor straight out of the camp. Or Crack head skinny......etc. But I prefer thickiness/hour glass figure on women.

I also appreciate natural beauty vs make up etc. Any women I see with make up I assume is ugly until I see her without it.

Again, just me....I know/realize I'm not your average guy.



staarz21 said:


> .meanwhile, so many men (not all obviously) wake up throw on whatever is laying around, put no effort into appearance (or smell for that matter), and walk around scratching their balls in public...it's disgusting.


Why would I make myself look great. I'm married and I'm not out there to attract anyone. Mind you, I don't go to the extreme you defined above and do take showers and usually limit ball scratching while in private.

But unless my wife wants to see me look good, I will wear whatever is comfortable. TO ME, clothes is for comfort, not for show. Function over "form".


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## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

There was once a phase in my life when, any healthy wholesome woman I would see, I would feel like making her pregnant.

Only I know how I survived that phase.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I do sometimes wonder "how good would he be in bed" - as good as his looks, or maybe the opposite, nothing interesting? Or maybe this not so hot guy good is a sex god. It is mental excercise, similar to wondering about strangers passing you by the window and making up stories about their lives.


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## frankman (Sep 23, 2014)

Congratulations. You are a normal male.

Just don't act on it in any way shape or form.

You think your wife does not have similar thoughts?

Really!?

She's just smart enough to not tell you.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

DoF said:


> You would be suprised how many men actually don't like "super model" type body (including me). TO ME, it looks no different than holocaust survivor straight out of the camp. Or Crack head skinny......etc. But I prefer thickiness/hour glass figure on women.
> 
> I also appreciate natural beauty vs make up etc. Any women I see with make up I assume is ugly until I see her without it.


Same here. The one thing I find most attractive in a woman, or most "sexy" in a woman is what's coming from her eyes. Not exactly how she looks but how sexy her soul is as you look at her through her eyes. I don't know if this make sense, but I can look at a supermodel and if I get nothing from what her eyes are telling me, mhhh.
Now, if I see a not so attractive, yet sexy look, that is more appealing to me.
A supermodel 10 with a dull look turns into a 5.
A natural, clean 5 with an exciting sexy look turns into a 10.
Let me have Bon Scott explain:

Wanna tell you story
About woman I know
When it comes to lovin'
She steals the show
She ain't exactly pretty
Ain't exactly small
Fourt'two thirt'ninefiftysix
You could say she's got it all

Never had a woman
Never had a woman like you
Doin' all the things
Doin' all the things you do
Ain't no fairy story
Ain't no skin and bones
But you give it all you got
Weighin' in at nineteen stone
You're a whole lotta woman
A whole lotta woman
Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta Rosie
And you're a whole lotta woman

Honey you can do it
Do it to me all night long
Only one who turn me
Only one who turn me on
All through the night time
Right around the clock
To my surprise
Rosie never stops
She was a whole lotta woman
Whole lotta woman
Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta Rosie
A whole lotta woman

Whole lotta woman
Whole lotta woman
Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta Rosie
You're a whole lotta Rosie
A whole lotta woman

Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta woman


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

frankman said:


> Congratulations. You are a normal male.
> 
> Just don't act on it in any way shape or form.
> 
> ...


I'm certain she can and does lust after other men. However, as seen in all the women who posted on this thread it's NOWHERE near our kind of man lust. I'm sure there are exceptions though.

BTW: I tell my wife that if she can find someone who can f$ck her better than me, "go for it." Every time we have sex I try to leave her a heaping pile of limp flesh. Now, that obviously does not happen every time. If it does not happen, I try to figure out why and remedy either myself or the situation and try again. I keep notes on when we have sex, frequency, her cycle, situations and rate the experience. With that data I try to find out what works best and adapt as necessary.
I know, I'm nuts!

It's like fishing. I don't just drop a line and hope. I invest time, money, and thought on exactly what I am doing and what the results are telling me. It's a science.
My goal is to become a BASS MASTER FISHERMAN......or at least an ASS MASTER

Which brings to mind a quote I found years ago from Paul Newman....something along these lines. Regarding his long standing marriage with one woman and I paraphrase "Any old dog can have sex with a bunch of women, but it takes a real man to make one women happy for a lifetime."


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

I'll masturbate to the thought of having sex with my wife's best friend - she's not the most attractive woman in the world (she's not bad looking, but you wouldn't call her hot), but she turns me on. Is this cheating? Maybe, but I don't act on it. I just find her very sexually appealing, and I need some release considering that my wife's sex drive is absolute zero.


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