# Family Wedding?



## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

my uncle is getting married, and I'm not sure about going. What would you do in my situation?

The first issue is finance. We are a single income family and money can be tight. The wedding is a 3.5 hr drive away in rural nowhere. Also, my uncle did not reserve rooms at a reasonable rate in town. There is some event going on and the only hotels offering decent rates are 30 miles from town.

Secondly, this wedding is going on the same weekend my husband and I celebrate our anniversary. We weren't really looking to spend it with my uncle or quarreling siblings in some boring little town.

Finally, I don't really support this marriage. My uncle is 69, his fiancé is 59, they both might as well be 80, they act so old and are so dull that a retirement home would be too lively for them. That's only on the surface. My uncle is a major geek that can't relate to people or hold a job. After my grandpa died in 94, he moved in with my grandma and lived off of her. She was a witty and wonderful lady, but very much an enabler. He was so dependent on her that everyone was very worried about what would happen when she died, like a total breakdown, totally bankrupt, or even harm himself ( except that last one he's too lazy for.) well a few weeks after she died 3 yrs ago, he met up with a family friend from the town where our family would go for summer vacations. Then they started dating ... Now they're getting married next month. While at first we were relieved that he managed to cope without my grandma, now it seems to me disrespectful and messed up. He waited until grandma was dead to find someone, and he's probably being a mooch off of her too. Understand that my uncle didn't date. He had a 2 yr marriage in his youth, but the only girlfriend he's had since I can remember was mentally retarded. I mean that sincerely: she lived in a group home and had a childish fascination with dolls. The only fun to be had at this wedding is having a snarky running commentary with my parents and husband.

So, I'm torn about going. My motivation is obligation and guilt. There's maybe 2-3 family members I'd like to see that I haven't seen in awhile. My reasons for not going are also weighing heavily. I'm looking for some 3rd party thoughts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Don't bother if it is your anniversary and you don't like your uncle.

Send a nice greeting with a gift card or some cash.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Don't go. Send a nice card and/or a gift. You don't even have to explain why you cannot attend -- prior obligations is a lovely, vague phrase.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

I agree with everyone here. Don't go, do send a gift and no explanations are necessary.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

This is still a really tough decision. My mom's family is REALLY small. My absence would be felt. I want to go for my mom, I bet she's thinking an awful lot about grandma right now. I know I am. I ended up in tears the other night bc I realized part of me thinks that by going I'll somehow get closer to her, even though that's totally untrue. I didnt get to know her much as an adult, but I do see a lot of qualities that my mom shares with her and that I do too. So I really don't have to go anywhere for that, but I still really miss her.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

Everyone already knows we don't have a prior commitment, but they also know its our b-day anniversary weekend too. I'm not looking forward to another reason for my siblings to call me spoiled and stuck up (even though they've failed at life) but if I go I may have to experience a fight between them or between them and my parents.


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