# Cheating Spouse



## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

If you've ready my previous thread, you know my story... but brief synopsis... found out 2 days ago that my husband had an affair with a woman who he then encouraged to befriend me. For the last year, she has been my closest companion (besides my husband) and confidante. I immediately filed for divorce.

For all those whose spouses cheated... how do you get past the feeling of "what is wrong with me?", "what does she have that I don't?", "why was I not enough?" and "she is really not that attractive... so I must be uglier than I thought..."

I am able to keep it together for awhile, but about 30 minutes ago, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably on the floor in a bathroom stall in my office. I woke up at 2 a.m. and tossed and turned until 5 a.m., with visions of the two of them every time I closed my eyes.

I keep thinking that I should go and have a random hookup with someone to reassure myself that I am an attractive, sexy woman... but I doubt that's the best course of action... and I don't think I could deal with any more rejection.


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

You need to surround yourself with friends if you have any. I know for me, that I had to do some investigating to find old friends again. I was so invested in the relationship that I didn't care about hanging out with friends. You'd be surprised by how many people would be your friends. They might not have seemed like it but people will jump for you during our toughest times. True friends are there when it counts.
Rather than thinkiing that you are not good enough which isn't true, think about how much better you are because you don't do shallow things like that. You deserve someone who is more strong willed. I've thought about the hookup thing myself. It's a good idea after a couple of beers but then I start getting this empty feeling that a random hookup is not really me. Rely on friends, rely on support groups, go to a local bookstore, pray, and just get out there. Attract positivity rather than negativity.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Just know it is not about you. This is affair is not your reality. What actions are taken to protect you are your concern. You are more than enough of everything you need to be.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Everything you're feeling is normal. It goes hand in hand with cheating.

In time, those feelings will lessen as you come to realize, the cheating was never about YOU. It was the cheater's choice 100%. It was a decision they made outside of you. Don't take the blame or get insecure from it. They fcked up, not you.

Cut them both out of your life. If you have kids with him, only discuss divorce legalities and co-parenting. 

Get busy with exercise, buy new underwear, get your hair cut. Carry on! Life goes on and you are right to rid yourself of these toxic a$$holes.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Amen JB, right on th dime ;o)


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

It takes time to sort out and rebuild your self image.
It never ever was about you. It was his boundaries (lack thereof) and skewed view on the world.

Even when the other person seems attractive (sometimes it appears they are)......who.......would......involve themself with a married person and not just go find an unattached one?


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

That is a double betrayal and no wonder you are reeling. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault.

I agree with jb's advice, keep them out and concentrate on regaining some peace and sanity.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

I've lost 35 lbs over the last year and am less than 10 lbs away from my goal weight. 

I think I'm going to go out and buy new clothes, like I've been needing to do. And tomorrow night, I'm going to put on a hot little black dress that I've been reserving in my closet for when I reached my goal and go out. I may only go watch a movie or sit at a coffeeshop, but he doesn't need to know that.

The best revenge is to move on and show him what he's lost.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> I've lost 35 lbs over the last year and am less than 10 lbs away from my goal weight.
> 
> I think I'm going to go out and buy new clothes, like I've been needing to do. And tomorrow night, I'm going to put on a hot little black dress that I've been reserving in my closet for when I reached my goal and go out. I may only go watch a movie or sit at a coffeeshop, but he doesn't need to know that.
> 
> The best revenge is to move on and show him what he's lost.


Good for you! Go out, have some fun and take your mind off it as much as possible


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

You are ahead of the game, good for you.


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