# Men if your wife told you that



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Physical touch is her 'love language' (from 5LL) and in general that "Hey I feel loved when you hug, kiss and overall touch me more. When we're physical is when I feel really loved"---

Would you listen and do that? Husband does it for about a week or 2. I tell him again I like a physical connection the best. Obviously trust and respect have to be there but I really like physical touch. 


I hate it, he does listen for about then its back to square one. Its so frustrating. And no "taking care of myself" won't satisy this need. 
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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Men sometimes need to hear things again and again to develop new habits. Keep telling him how important it is to you, and that you feel fantastic when he does________. Keep telling him, he will eventually get it if he cares about you.

My love language is physical touch. I wish my wife got that, but I keep telling her, and she does try. I got the Five Love Languages book on tape, so she could listen in her car. It has made a big difference.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Mine has to be physical touch also. My wife's sign must be a stop sign.
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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I find physical touch more habitual then anything really...

After a while one just gets used to putting his arms around his wife and treating her with some TLC everytime he comes home. Unless the first thing to come out of her mouth is a nag, or if she turns her husband off, or if she appears cold so TLC would be inappropriate, etc etc. There's plenty of reasons for the blockage - personally I went through it myself, I wanted to be physical with my STBX, but in more ways then just the release one gets from sex.

To change dynamics and habits normally it's a two-way street


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Physical touch is her 'love language' (from 5LL) and in general that "Hey I feel loved when you hug, kiss and overall touch me more. When we're physical is when I feel really loved"---
> 
> Would you listen and do that? Husband does it for about a week or 2. I tell him again I like a physical connection the best. Obviously trust and respect have to be there but I really like physical touch.
> 
> ...


What man does not love to touch his wife? Assuming he finds her attractive, isn't touching and holding her soft body like, the cat's meow?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

PreRaphaelite said:


> What man does not love to touch his wife? Assuming he finds her attractive, isn't touching and holding her soft body like, the cat's meow?


One would THINK this... but not all men have Physical Touch at the top of their love Languages..it could even be at his bottom... some men do not crave or need a lot of touch .... until they want their Pickle tickled.... which could build a lot of resentment in a "physical touching" wife .... minus the hugs, holding/cuddling... kissing, reaching for her hand when they are out....those little skin to skin gestures of love throughout the day.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

And its not a "male / female" thing its an "everyone is different" thing. So people tend to keep settling back to their nature and whatever behaviors that includes. Yellowstar, maybe there is some signal you could agree on that stops short of you actually having to tell him but still reminds him you need some attention. Maybe when you light his car on fire he should..........OK, no not that....maybe a candle


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Well, the obvious question begs to be asked: What is HIS language? I mean, if it's not the physical that is a big clue as to how you would proceed.

That said, if BOTH of you read the book and took the tests then there is a reason for doing so: To better your communication. It isn't easy, though. It's hard to do especially if one is talking about a very long term relationship. Take time out of each day and connect with each other in the OTHER'S language. Cultivate that and your needs should get met.

But always...always be working on it even if it's just 5 minutes.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

PreRaphaelite said:


> What man does not love to touch his wife? Assuming he finds her attractive, isn't touching and holding her soft body like, the cat's meow?


Yes...assuming.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> Men sometimes need to hear things again and again to develop new habits. Keep telling him how important it is to you, and that you feel fantastic when he does________. Keep telling him, he will eventually get it if he cares about you.
> 
> My love language is physical touch. I wish my wife got that, but I keep telling her, and she does try. I got the Five Love Languages book on tape, so she could listen in her car. It has made a big difference.


This is helpful, thank you!



PreRaphaelite said:


> What man does not love to touch his wife? Assuming he finds her attractive, isn't touching and holding her soft body like, the cat's meow?


I should say that its not like he never does, he does hug me and kiss me sometimes and touch etc but I like a lot more. A lot of times its just busy, little kids to be tended to, tired a lot etc. 



Shoto1984 said:


> And its not a "male / female" thing its an "everyone is different" thing. So people tend to keep settling back to their nature and whatever behaviors that includes. Yellowstar, maybe there is some signal you could agree on that stops short of you actually having to tell him but still reminds him you need some attention. Maybe when you light his car on fire he should..........OK, no not that....maybe a candle


Yes this is a good idea, any suggestions what the signal could be? I am game for this, just can't think of what would work...



SomedayDig said:


> Well, the obvious question begs to be asked: What is HIS language? I mean, if it's not the physical that is a big clue as to how you would proceed.
> 
> That said, if BOTH of you read the book and took the tests then there is a reason for doing so: To better your communication. It isn't easy, though. It's hard to do especially if one is talking about a very long term relationship. Take time out of each day and connect with each other in the OTHER'S language. Cultivate that and your needs should get met.
> 
> But always...always be working on it even if it's just 5 minutes.


We just talked about it and he thinks his language is "words of affirmation". He likes when I tell him things, say I appreciate things, etc. But I think I'm going to get him the audio cd because he's not a big reader but agreed to listening to it to help decide what his 'language' is etc.

Thank you for the help so far!


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I find physical touch more habitual then anything really...
> 
> After a while one just gets used to putting his arms around his wife and treating her with some TLC everytime he comes home. Unless the first thing to come out of her mouth is a nag, or if she turns her husband off, or if she appears cold so TLC would be inappropriate, etc etc. There's plenty of reasons for the blockage - personally I went through it myself, I wanted to be physical with my STBX, but in more ways then just the release one gets from sex.
> 
> To change dynamics and habits normally it's a two-way street


Oh yes and this too. Sometimes I don't realize I give off a vibe of annoyance or angry and don't want to be talked to...I didn't realize that so when he told me that I said I'd try to pay attention to that. I also asked him to always go for it and if I'm not in the mood I"ll tell him but otherwise I'd always prefer to be touched!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Sometimes I don't realize I give off a vibe of annoyance or angry and don't want to be talked to...I didn't realize that so when he told me that I said I'd try to pay attention to that. I also asked him to always go for it and if I'm not in the mood I"ll tell him but otherwise I'd always prefer to be touched!


I had sympathy for you until this. 

Unless you are giving off a vibe of warm and inviting you can't have such an expectation of anyone. If a person gets that negative vibe from you, their emotional reaction can't just be switched off like a light when later in the day you decide that you want them to be all snuggly.


My wife and I never pass near each other without a hug and kiss. Since we are never apart, that's all day every day. But there isn't a time when she's giving me attitude.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> I had sympathy for you until this.
> 
> Unless you are giving off a vibe of warm and inviting you can't have such an expectation of anyone. If a person gets that negative vibe from you, their emotional reaction can't just be switched off like a light when later in the day you decide that you want them to be all snuggly.
> 
> ...



Let me clarify, its not necessarily giving him attitude BUT just seemed stress, tense upset about something else. Like we were running late for something important last night and he said he didn't give me a kiss because when he came home from work we had to rush a bit, I seemed stressed out while doing my hair so instead he said "what can I do to make things less stressful?" In my mind I was thinking give me a kiss regardless and say hey babe. Nothing major.
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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> seemed stress, tense upset about something else. Like we were running late for something important last night and he said he didn't give me a kiss because when he came home from work we had to rush a bit, I seemed stressed out while doing my hair


Yes, exactly.

There are people who manage their entire day just like this. Always a little behind the clock. Always a bill to stress over or a little drama from work, kids, family...

Then there's my wife. It's like having a deep pool of clear water, not a ripple on the surface. If the house was on fire when I came in she'd give me a long hug and ask me if I was hungry.

Which one gets tenderness?


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Yes, exactly.
> 
> There are people who manage their entire day just like this. Always a little behind the clock. Always a bill to stress over or a little drama from work, kids, family...
> 
> ...



Its funny. I read your post and thought *ding* That makes sense! I get what you're saying, seems simple enough, I have to work harder on that. I know having a little kid and one on the way is not an excuse but I do let work (a professional job) and kids/pregnancy get the best of me BUT you're right--even without those stresses I let things get to me. I normally am not always running late (I'm actually punctual and get annoyed if others are late---but again--I see another source of annoyance!). Basically I have to work on myself to be more calm and relaxed. I know i have anxiety issues that I need to work on (I've been trying to be med free since im pregnant and then nursing). But I can try harder. 

Essentially I'll attract more bees with honey.
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