# I lost everything in one day



## jasmine79 (Jul 5, 2010)

this is my first post. last tuesday i lost my pregnancy at 22 weeks and on the same day my husband told me it was over and moved in with the woman he had been seeing for the past year.
when I lost the baby he was away on a business trip could have made it back but didnt think it was important, and we havent seen each other since because when i was discharged from the hospital he had already moved his things. from the texts he has sent me he is relieved that i lost the baby and now he is free to move on with his life.
he had another woman last year but they broke up and i forgave him. this was not the first incidence of him cheating on me. but i could never find the strength to leave him because i love him and have an intense fear of being lonely. now he has left me when i needed him first (this was my first pregnancy after 5 years of trying and resulted from ivf).
I spent the past four months on bedrest and he ignored me and completely treated me as if i am completely invisible.
now I have lost the baby i wanted so much and him in the same day. I undersand that he doesnt love me, and i need to let go. I would apprrciate getting advice on how i can let go. I am still grieving for my lost child, and grieving for the loss of my marriage.
I cant even find the motivation to file for divorce because somewhere in theback of my mind i guess i have a hope of him coming back. I have never been so honest to anyone as am honest on here right now.
i know i sound worthless pathetic, having low self esteem and everything, but i am just trying to be honest about my feelings and situation.
any and all advise would be highly appreciated.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Jasmine, I'm so sorry. You have been treated really badly. My best advice is to rally your family and friends around you. Gather up anyone who can give you support, lean on them, and close ranks. A good, caring, skillful therapist will be of great help to you too during this difficult time of transition.

Your husband is a worthless prick. Get angry. Excise the bastard from your life like the malignant tumor that he is, and never look back.


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## kat456 (Oct 11, 2011)

whoo , I am so sorry you are going through this! I know have left my life sucking husband but still love him but I know it is the best thing but tell that to my heart. So I know exactly how you feel. But in the mean time work on your self, excercise <helps release the frustration> and it will make you feel good about yourself again.

Surround yourself with support and use it. Also talking to a counselor will help. Get a new hobby. Redecorate. Have a ****tail with friends. etc..etc. Hold your head up and stay strong.

Good luck to you


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Jasmine, you are going to do much better with a cheating jerk like him gone from your life. Get him gone as fasi as you can. He isn't acting like a man, he is a very selfish little boy who has no ability to have empathy for you. Never ever take back a repeat cheater like him, you are so much worth more than that.

You also did get some things: : a chance to regain your selfnrespect, a chance to rid yourself of a serial cheater, a chance to upgrade to a man who is a real man
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasmine79 (Jul 5, 2010)

thank you all for responding.
where do i start?
where do i start to get my life together?


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I am so sorry about your baby. Hugs.

You do not sound pathetic at all. You sound strong and brave and resilient and human.

Do not let your H and his actions make you feel devalued. It is he who is losing something very special.

Try to find people to support you through this very difficult time. If you don't have a system now, aim to develop one. Eat right and nurture yourself as best as you can and talk to your physician about how to deal with this doubly difficult time.

It will eventually become crystal clear which way you will go but you will need to go through the unpleasant part of the sad stuff for a while.

You will do it though.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Independent therapy. Read as much as you can about abandonment issues and work through your fear of being lonely.

Learn a new hobby and get good at it.

Style your hair differently.

Delete his numbers from your phone. Delete his email, facebook, etc from your computer.

Blessings to you.  I am sorry about the loss of your child. That alone will take time to grieve.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Oh, I am sooo very sorry for your loss. One thing at a time, getting back to healthy, allowing yourself to grieve, doing something special to recognize the loss, there are some online resources if you look it up as well. Many people who have been through this, and can offer help with the grieving process. Sadly, I've been through this myself. PM me if you'd like to talk. 

Are you working?
Sometimes getting a routine down helps.
Get up everyday and exercise, go to work, eat healthy, and read read read. Once you are physcially feeling better, and hormones are settled down, you may be in better position to deal with "what's next".

Keep posting or writing. Letting it out is part of letting it go. 

You are still "in there". And you will be okay. Some dust on your self esteem, but you can find your way back. Hugs to you.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

jasmine79 said:


> thank you all for responding.
> where do i start?
> where do i start to get my life together?


I lost a baby at 26 weeks. PM me if you need to talk.
Tackle one thing at a time. It will take time.
Very sorry!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

I am so so sorry for all the pain, hurt and (unfortunately for all three H was either physically or emotionally vacant for these tramatic events) With the help of IC I have worked through those...

If you need any support or advice, please PM me.. there are many loving caring people in your life to get you through the grieving process.

my heart goes out to you...

prayers to you.


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## jasmine79 (Jul 5, 2010)

Thank you all for your responses. Today I have woken up angry. Angry at myself for letting him stress me out to the extent that I lost my baby. Angry at him for not loving me at least that small bit to care that we have lost our child, angry at him for hating me so much that he is happy that the child is gone and angry at him for not loving my daughter as much as I loved her even though she wasn't born yet. Angry at myself for not being strong enough to get out of this relationship when I found out a few months before our marriage that he had cheated on me just 3 months after we started dating and had a child with the other woman. Angry at myself for always forgetting all the bad stuff he put me through and how my friends and family have had to rally around me so many times jus to keep me going and how I would always take him back. Angry at myself for being afraid of being alone, angry at myselfd for either still loving him or being so emotionally atached to him. Angry at him for forgetting how happy we used to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. No words can really express the pain one feels when this happens. I had a miscarriage when I was 22... I know the horrible feelings and thoughts. I wish I could hug you right now, I am sorry that he wasn't at all concerned for you or his baby, either. That's pretty darn heartless. 

The loss of your husband is better than you know, because now you are free to be really loved and cared for the way you deserve to be, when you are ready for it. It is normal to feel angry, and it is healthy to get that anger out in a safe way, (like writing).

You deserve better than this guy. As hard as it may seem, try to focus your energy on the positive aspect that he is someone else's problem now, and you are no longer wasting your time.

I shouldn't say "waste" - we learn something from all relationships. Now that you've learned a little more about yourself and others I hope your next relationship is one that is mutually healthy and repectful.

Maybe some therapy or counseling to help you get through your loses would be helpful. In my situation, I went it alone, and almost killed myself doing it. There is always someone willing to listen and understand when you need them.

I wish you the best of luck... *hugs*

I know it's


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Yeah! Some feelings you can take action on!

Hope today is better. Hang in there.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

deejov said:


> Yeah! Some feelings you can take action on!
> 
> Hope today is better. Hang in there.


I really struggled with the loss of my baby (anniversary coming up). I found a lot of comfort on web Md message boards on coping with loss. I also researched all I could on the reasons for my loss (Potter's Syndrome) and focused on that. It helped to talk (even through messgae boards) to others who had been through the same and see that eventually they did make it. It was 5 years ago and I still have my sad moments but I get through.
Wishing you a better day!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasmine79 (Jul 5, 2010)

and so the saga continues. stbexh is telling his people that i sent him smss asking him to leave and thats why he left, shifting all the blame on me. yes i did send those smss, i was pregnant i was neglected, ignored treated like i dont exist, but he on the other hand was publically out with the other woman and has moved in with her on the day i lost my pregnancy. am i really at falt here? why cant he just tell his people that he met someone else fel in love with her and moved on? why is he shifting the blame to me and why are his people calling me and telling me its my fault while being intentionally blind to the fact that he is actually currently with another woman. I just need to move on with my life and i just dont need people trying to shift the blame on me, because the way i know myself, if they do it long enough i might actually start blaming myself and thinking that i deserve to be treated that way but deep inside i know that no one on this earth deserves to be cheated on multiple times more than 5) embarassed on some public blogs (with people saying that my stbexh was only with me because of the things i gave him) and also for him to have a picture of the ow as his profile pictureon face book where most of his friends are my mutual friends or either friends and family.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

start doing damage control- get the word out about what he's done

if the OW is married then tell her husband
if they met at work notify the HR department (or if he used company time or equipment to carry on his affair)
tell his parents and siblings
tell your parents and mutual friends


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

OMG what an *******!!!


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## jasmine79 (Jul 5, 2010)

i dont know if i will be able to do damage control because honestly i dont know if its even worth it. i would rather spend time grieving for the loss of my child for some reason. i feel as if i do this damage control im gonna be engaged in a battle of he said she said with him, and right now i dont think he deserves that kind of attention. because at the end of the day yes i did send those sms's asking for him to leave because of the way he was treating me and the fact that i had been on complete bedrest for 4 months due to my pregnancy and just did not need the stress he was bringing.
but i have tried to explain to some of his people a few days back but they seem to be on his side, so I have just decided to disengage, whats ever they say, or do, i will handle it when i am able to handle it.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Karma will kick his nuts sooner or later.

1o things that are awesome about being alone.
No dirty socks on the floor.
Dont' have to "ask" anyone else about what they want for dinner.
Can run around and leave lights on
Can watch whatever you want on tv
Can crank the stereo whenever you want, no one's sleeping!
Lots and lots of hot water, just for you!
Way less laundry to do
Grocery bill is wonderfully low, extra money for clothes!
No one moves anything around, it's right where you left it.


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## jasmine79 (Jul 5, 2010)

I went to see a lawyer on friday and got some legal advise. I will be initiating divorce proceedings on monday. 
I feel so utterly alone because of his abondonment and just can't get over the fact that he hated me to such an extent. Every morning I wake up in utter agony and keep telling myself "let it go"
And I guess I will never get clossure. And its only when things are over that people some out of the woodwork telling you the truths about the person you've shared a life with. I never knew the person I was married to, I thought he had only been unfaithful a couple of times, but its more than 10 women and all of them very loose women. No matter how bad things are its true they can be worse because its amazing I'm siting here AIDS free because based on what I'm learning, I could have been sitting her abandoned, having lost my child and been aids positive.
How do I get over my early morning agony?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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