# I need a reality check!!



## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster... and it's all my fault. My husband moved out in January and has been on the fence since this time... He's given me the ring and has the divorce papers... won't sign em.. b/c, according to him, he wants to see and "hopes" the hangups he has will go away... but he officially wanted a divorce last August... I feel like it's been months and obviously his mind hasn't changed, as of today, he still wants a divorce. What are the hangups? When he initally said he wanted a divorce I told him I was gonna move back home to be with family... He said I was being selfish and couldn't believe someone he loved and trusted this much would take his son out of his life...
Since he's moved out, we've gone out a couple of times and even had sex (I know this should've been a no, no.. all initiated by myself, of course)... 
I feel like I need a reality check to realize that he's not coming back... I've even tried to be logical with him and given him a list of why we shouldn't be together... agreeing with him on why I may not be the girl for him... and he only responds with "There's only a couple of hangups that I need to workout for me, everything else about you whether negative or positive, is you so don't change." BUT tension still exist between us and we're still separated... My lease is about to be up on my apartment, so I asked him about us to find out if I'm supposed to be looking for a 1 bdrm or 2 bdrm... He told me to look for a 1bdrm. I immediately thought that meant he officially made a decision. But he said that it is easier to upgrad to a 2 bdrom then downsize to a 1 bdrm, so the two don't go together. ugh... my self-confidence is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy down... 

Someone please tell me to try and let this go, cause I'm sick of running into a brick wall!!


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

My guess is he's playing the field and wants you as a backup. Don't play his game. Present him with divorce papers and you will see what he really wants. If he wants you, he will change his mindset at the thought of losing you. Right now, by initating sex, he sees you are desperate and want him so he has no pressure to make a decision.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

He's definitely playing you, and he's got you right where he wants you. It sounds as though he is seeing someone else and you are his backup. Tell him to move back home and really work on the marriage or you'll be filing for divorce. You'll get his true answer fast.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> When he initally said he wanted a divorce I told him I was gonna move back home to be with family... He said I was being selfish and couldn't believe someone he loved and trusted this much would take his son out of his life...





> My lease is about to be up on my apartment


Why don't you move back home with your family? He KNOWS where to find you! You could use the emotional support and the back-up that being near family can provide (son sick at school and you're at work? family can pick up son; car broke down? family can pick you up; you're sick and can't get son to school? family can help out) As long as you don't abuse it, family is usually willing to help pick up the slack OCCASIONALLY for each other.


> has the divorce papers... won't sign em.. b/c, according to him, he wants to see and "hopes" the hangups he has will go away... but he officially wanted a divorce last August


How long are you supposed to wait around in 'limbo' with your life on hold while HE decides if his 'hangups' (whatever nebulous cr*p that means) will go away? Is 'hangup' his definition of a new GF who may/may not work out? You're supposed to sign another 1yr lease because he can't make up his mind YET???

Move back home with your son. Get him situated before school starts (assuming he's school-age). IF your husband ever gets his head out of his azz (or his other body parts out of wherever he's currently parking them), he can look you up. He will find you working at a new job, back home, moving on with your life with your son. At THAT time, if he wants to reconcile, YOU can decide if you have any interest in being with him AT THAT POINT. You two can always re-marry again IF he finally comes around(and IF you even care by then). But, expecting you to wait for MONTHS and YOU don't even know WHAT you're waiting FOR? That's selfish on HIS part.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Push him off the fence and move. You can't do anything with him, so work on you.
You could give him a one time ultimatum. If he refuses to come back and work on the marriage, you need to move on.


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