# Seperated but is it worth saving?



## seperatedandconfused (Apr 3, 2018)

Hubby and I have been separated for 6 months now. We still spend time with each other 2-3 times a week. But I think our differences are taking a toll on us. I used to work full time but to quit to take care of a sick child (my daughter from a previous marriage). We have a blended family. As my leave from my job got longer I can see his resentment grow stronger. To the point he would lash out a me for little things, stop talking to me and the family if he was upset, belittle me in front of the kids. While my daughter was in the hospital for attempted suicide for a month he never once went to go visit her. That made my resentment grow for him. Long story short after awhile i grew sick of this because he kept telling me that he needs me to be back at work. He has a six figure salary so we weren't broke. So I finally told him to get the hell out. I pretty much thru his stuff out. But I was furious and I couldn't take being treated so ****ty anymore. He moved out and I calmed down and realized I didn't handle the situation in the best way possible. We are going to therapy now but now he refuses to move back in with me till I get a full time job and pay half for everything. My question is that I see my friends and some work, some don't, some make more than their Hubby's and some don't. But their husbands don't refuse to live with them. Besides I didn't quit my job because I was lazy I had to quit to make sure my daughter was safe. She had to be homeschooled because the school didn't want to take the responsiblity of having her on campus and hurting herself. Is this normal? Oh and my family helps me out with money since even if im jobless i had to still come up with money for some of the bills. But even that he doesn't want me getting a handout from them. What the hell do I do? I did go back to a job but it's in sales and it takes awhile to get established so he refuses to live together until he sees a stable income. I feel like this is a business deal and not a marriage. Whatever happened to for better or worse?


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## Mobiletaxman (Mar 25, 2018)

I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this issue and I truly am not ready to give you advice. I fully understand the stress level you are going through with the children situation though. As far as better or worse? Today's society, main stream media, and social media has made that obsolete. Just like the material world, relationships are easily disposable now. I'll keep you in prayers


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Sounds like you need for run from this guy as fast as possible. I don’t know what his issue is but he is either Ebenezer Scrooge or he is hiding his real motives. Probably the latter. How he treated your daughter is enough to yank his man card. 

Get a lawyer and see how much he/she can make him share with you in alimony and child support.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He wants you to have an income before he lives with you again. Those are his terms. It all depends on whether you're okay with that or not.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

OP how many children do you have/what are their ages? 
How long have you and your husband been married?
How long were you unemployed after you quit your job?
How long since you started your sales job?
Besides supporting the family financially, what other responsibilities does your husband have?

What kind of relationship did your husband and your sick daughter have prior to her having to be home schooled?

Is your daughter's father in her life? Paying child support?

Did you and your husband discuss you quitting your job to home school your daughter before you made the decision to do so? What sort of arrangement did you discuss?

How long after you quit did you notice him beginning to get impatient with you?

Did you two have any discussions about the issue once his resentment began to show?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Openminded said:


> He wants you to have an income before he lives with you again. Those are his terms. It all depends on whether you're okay with that or not.


Over and over men complain that they got screwed in a divorce, end up paying spousal support because their spouse did not work. The advice is usually -- if you didn't want to possibly end up paying spousal support in the event of a divorce, then make sure you are married to someone who is well employed. It seems like this husband is operating under this system. Yes, his terms are he wants a wife who is fully employed.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

seperatedandconfused said:


> Hubby and I have been separated for 6 months now. We still spend time with each other 2-3 times a week. But I think our differences are taking a toll on us. I used to work full time but to quit to take care of a sick child (my daughter from a previous marriage). We have a blended family. As my leave from my job got longer I can see his resentment grow stronger. To the point he would lash out a me for little things, stop talking to me and the family if he was upset, belittle me in front of the kids. While my daughter was in the hospital for attempted suicide for a month he never once went to go visit her. That made my resentment grow for him. Long story short after awhile i grew sick of this because he kept telling me that he needs me to be back at work. He has a six figure salary so we weren't broke. So I finally told him to get the hell out. I pretty much thru his stuff out. But I was furious and I couldn't take being treated so ****ty anymore. He moved out and I calmed down and realized I didn't handle the situation in the best way possible. We are going to therapy now but now he refuses to move back in with me till I get a full time job and pay half for everything. My question is that I see my friends and some work, some don't, some make more than their Hubby's and some don't. But their husbands don't refuse to live with them. Besides I didn't quit my job because I was lazy I had to quit to make sure my daughter was safe. She had to be homeschooled because the school didn't want to take the responsiblity of having her on campus and hurting herself. Is this normal? Oh and my family helps me out with money since even if im jobless i had to still come up with money for some of the bills. But even that he doesn't want me getting a handout from them. What the hell do I do? I did go back to a job but it's in sales and it takes awhile to get established so he refuses to live together until he sees a stable income. I feel like this is a business deal and not a marriage. Whatever happened to for better or worse?


His eyes were opened to the risk when you kicked him out.

It will take awhile to rebuild trust that you won't do it again.

I for one will never allow my wife to be a SAHM again. No chance.

I saw what she did with that freedom last time.

The freedom my labor bought for her.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Separated,
The facts as presented certainly make him look like a bad partner. Not visiting your daughter - seems very uncaring. Fixation on money - very cold. Being down on you getting family help financially - very controlling. 

Uncaring, cold and controlling. 

If accurate, maybe best to move on. If the story has more balance - you ought share that. 

Usually folks do stuff for a reason. Why has he done these things?





seperatedandconfused said:


> Hubby and I have been separated for 6 months now. We still spend time with each other 2-3 times a week. But I think our differences are taking a toll on us. I used to work full time but to quit to take care of a sick child (my daughter from a previous marriage). We have a blended family. As my leave from my job got longer I can see his resentment grow stronger. To the point he would lash out a me for little things, stop talking to me and the family if he was upset, belittle me in front of the kids. While my daughter was in the hospital for attempted suicide for a month he never once went to go visit her. That made my resentment grow for him. Long story short after awhile i grew sick of this because he kept telling me that he needs me to be back at work. He has a six figure salary so we weren't broke. So I finally told him to get the hell out. I pretty much thru his stuff out. But I was furious and I couldn't take being treated so ****ty anymore. He moved out and I calmed down and realized I didn't handle the situation in the best way possible. We are going to therapy now but now he refuses to move back in with me till I get a full time job and pay half for everything. My question is that I see my friends and some work, some don't, some make more than their Hubby's and some don't. But their husbands don't refuse to live with them. Besides I didn't quit my job because I was lazy I had to quit to make sure my daughter was safe. She had to be homeschooled because the school didn't want to take the responsiblity of having her on campus and hurting herself. Is this normal? Oh and my family helps me out with money since even if im jobless i had to still come up with money for some of the bills. But even that he doesn't want me getting a handout from them. What the hell do I do? I did go back to a job but it's in sales and it takes awhile to get established so he refuses to live together until he sees a stable income. I feel like this is a business deal and not a marriage. Whatever happened to for better or worse?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Over and over men complain that they got screwed in a divorce, end up paying spousal support because their spouse did not work. The advice is usually -- if you didn't want to possibly end up paying spousal support in the event of a divorce, then make sure you are married to someone who is well employed. It seems like this husband is operating under this system. Yes, his terms are he wants a wife who is fully employed.


This right here is what our society and the "Prejudice against MALES" court system has done to a lot of men. 

I am not saying that his attitude is right, because I am not. But this is the way that it is. Everyone on their second or third marriage knows that it may not last, and why should the male get stuck paying the freight. 

Example: My Ex W, was an adulteress, a hidden drug addict for 20 of 26 years of marriage, was the laziest human being in the world because she was wasted, never worked a day in her life, and on and on. 

When I finally dumped her, yes it took to long, among other things I had to buy her out of the house and my retirement. I don't care who you are, that woman did not deserve a dime, but she got it and I got a good deal in the long run. 

You have to decide if you want to stay with him or not, and he may be a jerk, but he does not want to be left holding the bag if this does not work out.


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