# I know it is wrong!!



## lizzy23 (Jan 13, 2009)

I have been struggling with the type of love I feel for this friend of mine. I am still struggling...I have a friend and were each others most special (25 years ago). He is married for 10 years now and I have been married for 6 years now. I broke up with him because of his imaturity at the time and trust issues all those years ago. Back then we both truly thought we were going to be together for the long hall. We were in a relationship that was beyoud our years. Very stong chemistry, and really close. But he hurt me very bad. He met someone shortly after we broke up (clean up woman). Around his wedding he came to me, to see if there was still a chance before he married, but I was not around all those years ago. And then on several occastions over the years he tried to reach out to me, but I was so hurt that he got married (he was still married, but very unhappy at the time). After all these years neither one of us ever stopped thinking about the other one. I have finally made piece with the pain he caused me, and we have become the closest of friends. I love my husband so much, he is a wonderful man! I want to maintain our friendship but there is alot of sexual tension, and neither of us wanted to cross that line. Until, one day we did! We know that the ramifications are severe. We are the best of friends, we discuss eveything and enjoy our conversations, we inspire each other. Please understand that I have a happy marriage; I truly love my wonderful husband an he loves his wife. He has a daughter and I have a son. It kills me to think about not having both of them in my life. I know that is so selfish, but I can't help it! I know that I am wrong and I pray everyday for help me. but I have accepted that I love both of them. We both agreed that we would want to keep our friendship versus distroy our families for the sexual part. But since we partially crossed the line we want to explore it more and it is hard not to think about it. I don't want to loose my husband and it pains me to think of all the pain I have potentailly caused, but I really care about my friend. Several months ago my husband had a "mishap" I have no proof of the details, but let's just say... It looked like he was on the path to do something wrong. Not a justification on my part, but just making sure I give all of the details.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

End the friendship and all contact with TOM immediately. You’ve already stated you know this is wrong. Tend to your own husband and family or you will hurt them in a way that will scar them forever. End it!


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> End the friendship and all contact with TOM immediately. You’ve already stated you know this is wrong. Tend to your own husband and family or you will hurt them in a way that will scar them forever. End it!


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: 

You need to stay with your husband and love him for all that he is and be there for him ... 

Leave this friend in the past and forget about him ... your husband is worth more !!!

It happened with me a few years ago and I almost lost something good till I broke things off and my marriage was saved and I never want to go through that again even if it was over a special friend ...


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## lizzy23 (Jan 13, 2009)

As easy as it is to say, it is twice as hard to do... I hope that makes sense.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

lizzy23 said:


> As easy as it is to say, it is twice as hard to do... I hope that makes sense.


No one here would argue that it isn't a hard thing to do but the vast majority will agree it's the right thing to do.


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

Lizzy ... We are only telling you the truth ... BREAK THINGS OFF before something bad happens ... please !! I am sure that your able to do this ... it will be hard but you will be better off so ah take care and see you soon !!!


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)




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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

lizzy23 said:


> Several months ago my husband had a "mishap" I have no proof of the details, but let's just say... It looked like he was on the path to do something wrong. Not a justification on my part, but just making sure I give all of the details.


What sort of a mishap?


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## lizzy23 (Jan 13, 2009)

As much as this is killing me inside I read your statements almost made me sick at the thought of having to do this. I don't want to hurt either person, and I know that it is not fair to my hubby or his wife. My husband doesn't know about any of this, and I guess that is what makes it so hard to hurt him. It makes me actually want to cry. I know why people keep going till they get caught now... Cause you just don't want to get of the ride! Like I said he has betrayed my trust (3 times) but I do not subsribe to the "two wrongs make a right" book. I have been working on my trust with him, and he as really tried to repair things with me.I know that what I am doing is very dangerous and I am going to try very hard to end this. please continue to pray for me, because I really don't have anyone else to turn to.


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## lizzy23 (Jan 13, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> What sort of a mishap?


Well on 3 seperate occasions, my husband was texting/ talking to women and then I found various photos that one women sent to him (nude). He says that he was never intimate with them (I have no proof one way or the other).The were all seperate insidents (the first 2), and we went to counseling for it.Then it happened a third time. The last time was some late phone calls and a few text messages and emails. He was very sloppy and left his email open (like a lot of people do who get caught). I actaully called the last women and she made it out like it was all on him and he did the same. He says that nothing happend, but as I said, I have no proof and I was hurting and really wanted to believe him. A part of me thinks that he might have hooked up with one of the women (not sure), but that is just my thoughts...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

lizzy23 said:


> but as I said, I have no proof and I was hurting and really wanted to believe him. A part of me thinks that he might have hooked up with one of the women (not sure), but that is just my thoughts...


Well, it sounds like you two deserve each other! There is no trust in your marriage on either side. Why not come clean and have an open relationship.

In fact, why don't ya just 'fess up?


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## lizzy23 (Jan 13, 2009)

WOW! Well I have to admit it was a difficult year for us. We have had some issues that have caused a lot of difficult times. We have been working on them (counseling), but there were some trust issues. I have to say that prior to the stuff my husband did, we didn't have any trust issues.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

If you actually look at what is happening... 

You are "carrying on" with a cheater, you are a cheater, and your husband is a cheater. I'm not judging, but it does not sound ideal.

You could sit down with your hubby and talk it all through, or you could just let it run it's course.


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

Speaking from the perspective of someone that has been cheated on: It hurts like hell when your partner betrays you and it will forever change the relationship. Marriage is bigger than love and attraction, it's also about committment, treating your partner as you would like to be treated, and maintaining the sacredness and sanctity of your marriage. Think about what you are saying, your "friend" "caused you pain" and you had "trust issues" with him and he moved on very quickly after your relationship, now he's cheating on his wife w/ you...he still seems pretty untrustworty and immature only now it's not a girlfriend he's hurting, it's a wife and his own flesh and blood that he's hurting...I would stay away from this friend. It doesn't sound like he's changed too much, you just happen to be on the other side of the equation this time. Imagine the pain he caused you, now imagine if you had been his wife and committed your life to him...If he is unhappy in his marriage and you have trust issues w/ your husband, then deal w/ those issues first and end the marriages and then pursue each other...if it's real it will still be there. Close one chapter before you open the other, it's just as easily done as said if you want it to be! Not judging you, but after experiencing infidelity, I have little to no respect for people that are that selfish and lustful that they are willing to cause a lifetime of pain to someone else for a temporary thrill.


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## adamaqmal (Jan 22, 2009)

I think Lizzy should forget about her "friend". She should concerntrate to her husband if she really love and care about him.


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

adamaqmal said:


> I think Lizzy should forget about her "friend". She should concerntrate to her husband if she really love and care about him.



100% in :iagree: ... Tell your husband what you have done & admit things ... it will be hard but you can do this ... then leave the other FRIEND alone and be with the man you married !!!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

sounds like a battle between true love and settle loved to me.

The question here lies....where is your heart?

We all beleive in the story book love and true love.

the question is if you two run off together...

is it true love?

or is it just an escape from something and going with someone you are comfortable with?

only you know the truth here.


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> sounds like a battle between true love and settle loved to me.
> The question here lies where is your heart?
> We all beleive in the story book love and true love
> the question is if you two run off together
> ...



Very good points given ... really think long and hard of what your going to do and I pray as I am sure that the rest of us here pray that you make the right choice & come clean & admit what you have done to your husband and start fresh !!


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## LucyInSC (Dec 23, 2008)

As everyone else has already said, the right thing to do is to immediately stop this affair. You have to find the courage to do this. If you decide to tell your husband, be prepared that he may leave you and he will be extremely hurt and angry no matter what he has done to you in the past. What do others think about the wisdom of telling her husband if you stop all contact with this person? Does she confess in the name of honesty and guilt or not tell him to save him the hurt and pain? I see both sides of that.


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## lizzy23 (Jan 13, 2009)

I am so greatful by the overwelling comments that everyone has provided!!! Wow, it makes we feel really good about putting my thoughts down in the first place. I talk to my friend and I told him that this was going to be hard for me, but we need to take this down about 5 levels. We can't talk everyday anymore and we need to respect our families. We have not had anything but petting, but none the less it was wrong. He said that he will follow my wishes and that he will love me forever and respect my decision. He will not cross the line again. From that point, I have to take this in phases. I honestly, am not totally ready to let him go (I can not lie)... But I know that I can push the physical stuff away, and push the calls way down. I am not going to tell my husband any of this, because I honestly can see any good by crushing him, to help make myself feel less guilty... There is no need for him to hurt like I have been. 
I have talk to my husband and our relationship and repairing our feelings and getting focused back on what is important. I can not say to you that I will ever stop loving my friend, we connect on a very different level (not just the physical stuff, that is easy). But I will push those thoughts out of my mind and get back to what is real and that is my family. I do think there is difference in true love and "settled love" (for lack of better word), but my husband is a really really good man to be considered a "settled love".


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I agree 100% with HONEY28


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

As far as telling your H, just think for a minute...what if he finds out on his own? If you think telling him would crush him (and it will), finding out on his own will devastate him more. 

Break it off with TOM, work out how to say it all and then tell H. NO GORY DETAILS! Just the basic facts.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

lizzy23-

What is the state of play re sex and intimacy with your husband?


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

Lizzy ... I am continueing to pray for you that all is going well and that you have really thought about what your going to do.


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