# overwhelmed and disappointed



## mdion54650 (May 20, 2015)

I am considering leaving my husband of five years. We are staying with his mom right now he has been unemployed for a year and a month now, he wants to go to online school but he says he doesn't know what to study. I'm working a full time job and a part time job we have no kids thank God. I dont want to sign a lease and pay all the bills because that will only lead to resentment. I met him when I was 17 married at 22, we met online. At this point I feel insecure, without a partner, I am loosing hope. I am 27 next month and he is 29. He does not want kids which is something that has changed since we got married. I want kids but not with him. Can someine help me?


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## Marlo (May 14, 2015)

What is the hang-up? Looks like youre in prime position to leave to me. There may be more to it, but it seems like hes a dead-beat. 29, no job, still not sure what he wants to do, living at home? And if you married him with the expecting/agreeing kids and he suddenly changed his mind then yeah...deal breaker.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Lots of red flags here all pointing to your guy not wanting to step up and be a responsible adult. No job for over a year would be more palatable if he was moving in some direction but he's not. Instead it sounds like he's making excuses for why he's not stepped up yet. Not wanting kids is perfectly fine except in this case it's just another red flag of him not being an adult. He's destined to live off of his parents and if you stick around then you'll be living with them as well or you'll be taking their place and supporting him.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> We are staying with his mom right now he has been unemployed for a year and a month now, he wants to go to online school but he says he doesn't know what to study.


Seems pretty cut & dry. He's sponging off of you financially. He's a grown adult and adults have a responsibility to be self-sufficient. You should both be able to rely on each other. If you can't...what's the point? No one needs a financial dependent leeching off of them.

He sounds a bit old to not have some kind of plan for what to study. There's a million ways for him to have this figured out by now. It really sounds like he's making excuses.

Its really good that you chose not to have kids with someone who seems like he might be too immature to be a responsible partner. 

It doesn't sound like you'll be losing a lot in cutting him loose. And the longer you let him mooch from you, the more risk you take of paying alimony. 

You can have an amicable divorce and remain friends but don't be a sucker and let someone use you for money. That's not a real relationship.

Good luck...you sound like a hard working, good person. You'll easily find someone who can be a dedicated partner for you when you're ready.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Time to get out, separate at least, get your own place and start off without him. If you marry him and have kids, you will do everything, work, take care of the home, kids everything. He hasn't grown up yet.

He needs to be shook up a bit, ask for a separation and see how that goes. Some men do grow up in their early 30s.


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## mdion54650 (May 20, 2015)

The details left out: after he quit his job in April of 2014 I had a mental break down because I did not want to move in with his mom and dad, and his sister and two kids lived there too. I got depressed, stressed and lost sleep to the point he took me to the hospital and they diagnosed me with chronic depression and psychosis. I was taking antidepressants and strong meds and I found a way to weed of them, I am not taking anything right now. He did not know how to deal with me so he called my parents and my parents picked me up at the airport and took me into their house in California. I lived there with them for 6 months. I came back to Wisconsin where all my stuff is at (in his moms house and in storage) within one month I landed a good paying job and now I am working two jobs just trying to ready myself for ending this relationship I have been in for ten years. The only ever relationship I have ever known, or man for that matter. I am looking at a place to move into by myself on Monday. Thanks for your advice, my two brothers are also egging me on in the right direction.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Well it sure sounds like your taking control back of your life. I would at least sit down with him and tell him. I think its the only right thing to do. He made his choice and as a result it put a incredible strain on your marriage. 

I would go crazy sitting at home for that long but I have been working since I was 14 so its all I really know. 

I hope all goes well for you. 

Clay


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