# Am I expecting too much?



## ShannahM (Oct 27, 2014)

I've been married for 21 years. My husband has never been the type to shower me with compliments...the most he says is "sure..you look great". I think I look pretty good for late 40's and want him to say so...other men sometimes notice that I'm attractive but he is the one that matters..I don't expect him to constantly give me attention in this way, but in the bedroom it would be nice to hear...in fact, It's become a kind of "sticking point" now...pardon the pun. 
I'm sure I sound like an attention-seeking idiot..immature and insecure. 
Am I asking too much to want to be told I turn him on?! He says I should know this. 
Thanks for your input!


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## GrannyMildew (Aug 15, 2013)

Hello ShannaM! Are you expecting too much? Heavens no! We wives have a NEED to be complimented and built up by the men who are supposed to LOVE us! It is no different than you telling him he is handsome, looks nice in something or still makes your heart skip a beat.

This kind of thinking, that" you should know" only leads to wanting to hear ANYTHING from ANY MAN to make you feel still beautiful or sexy. I think your hubby is setting himself up for some real troubles in the future if he doesn't change his mindset.

After all, he IS THE ONE who should be feeding your ego (yes- we women have them too)- and if he doesn't you'll soon be appreciating the first man who comes along and does his work for him. VERY dangerous thinking on your hubby's part.

But what do I know? I've only been married 42 years. 

I wish you all the best with your problem.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So you've been married to him for 20 some years, and you want him to change now? Good luck with that. 

You could try a book like "5 love languages", or "His Needs, Her Needs", to start with. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

PBear said:


> So you've been married to him for 20 some years, and you want him to change now? Good luck with that.
> 
> You could try a book like "5 love languages", or "His Needs, Her Needs", to start with.
> 
> ...


We all change through out our lives. Sometimes you don't need to hear compliments and sometimes you do. Wanting to hear compliments from your man is nearly universal, so I'm not getting why this is such a BFD for men!

How dreaming hard is it to sincerely compliment your damn wife! Not hard at all. Nothing but laziness!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

GrannyMildew said:


> It is no different than you telling him he is handsome, looks nice in something or still makes your heart skip a beat.


Assuming she does that, I agree with you. I NEVER hear any of that, and you know it's a two way street so I stopped feeding her ego a while ago. I wonder if OP gives as good as she hopes to get.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> We all change through out our lives. Sometimes you don't need to hear compliments and sometimes you do. Wanting to hear compliments from your man is nearly universal, so I'm not getting why this is such a BFD for men!
> 
> How dreaming hard is it to sincerely compliment your damn wife! Not hard at all. Nothing but laziness!


Sure, we all can change at any point in our lives. But he's going to have to WANT to make that change. Which is why I suggested the books I did. So he can see that her needs in this regard are important. Otherwise, expect the status quo.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## seahorse (Apr 10, 2010)

Hello ShannahM, 

The situation you describe is often a telltale sign of a man who isn't feeling all that sexually excited, for whatever reason. Healthy, genuinely turned on men naturally admire and fawn over the woman's body. Compliments require no effort for a guy in the.. um... happy state. But since you've indicated you maintain your appearance and other men are noticing you, I'm scratching my head. 

Could he be stressed out or low T? Is there resentment between you? I'm not sure. In whatever case I am absolutely not buying his "you should know" response. 


Good luck,
-seahorse




ShannahM said:


> I've been married for 21 years. My husband has never been the type to shower me with compliments...the most he says is "sure..you look great". I think I look pretty good for late 40's and want him to say so...other men sometimes notice that I'm attractive but he is the one that matters..I don't expect him to constantly give me attention in this way, but in the bedroom it would be nice to hear...in fact, It's become a kind of "sticking point" now...pardon the pun.
> I'm sure I sound like an attention-seeking idiot..immature and insecure.
> Am I asking too much to want to be told I turn him on?! He says I should know this.
> Thanks for your input!


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

PBear said:


> So you've been married to him for 20 some years, and you want him to change now? Good luck with that.
> 
> You could try a book like "5 love languages", or "His Needs, Her Needs", to start with.
> 
> ...


Almost certain her love language is Words of Affirmation. 

Same as mine

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Did he used to compliment you? If so, did you handle those compliments gracefully or not?


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I'm TERRIBLE with unsolicited verbal compliments. I'm even worse with romantic gifts.

On the plus side, I'm very tactile - and NOT with any expectation of sex.

If she's doing dishes or ironing I'll give her a quick cuddle and a neck nuzzle,, sometimes with a playful boob or a$$ squeeze and a peck on the cheek. Same thing if we're passing in hallways - not every time, but I rarely miss a day. If she's in the bath I'll wash/rinse her hair and scrub her back. Sit right next to her on the sofa regularly instead of in my chair. Play with or stroke her hair before she goes to sleep. Lets her know she's desireable and valued.

Both my LTRs seemed to accept this as fair trade for the lack of verbals and gifts. I had a STR that whined about the gifts but that one whined about most things. C'est la vie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> I'm TERRIBLE with unsolicited verbal compliments. I'm even worse with romantic gifts.
> 
> *On the plus side, I'm very tactile - and NOT with any expectation of sex.
> 
> ...


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

PBear said:


> Sure, we all can change at any point in our lives. But he's going to have to WANT to make that change. Which is why I suggested the books I did. So he can see that her needs in this regard are important. Otherwise, expect the status quo.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think she should threaten him with divorce and start the 180 

I mean, c'mon, wives are supposed to have sex with us and we can't be expected to throw a few compliments around?


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