# Conflicting schedules



## Ponderball (Feb 12, 2016)

We have conflicting schedules. I work in the day and he works at night. By the time he gets home. I am dead to the world and when I wake up, I'm usually ready to play with snakey. He isn't though. So for the most part, I do it on my own and by the time there comes a time we have alone time I'm not in the mood, but I do it anyway and he just finishes really fast and there is no actual pleasure for me at all, at least not like we used to. Before it was fun and he actually would kiss my neck, caress my breasts, but now nada. It's like thanks babe, I'm gonna go take a shower now, while he leaves me there feeling horny, used and unloved to the point where I cried a couple times. This pattern is starting to change how I feel towards him. I'm seeing him less as my spouse, but as a friend with benefits-esque relationship. And I find myself admiring handsome men, checking out their adonis physiques and pondering away, because that's all I can do, because I don't know what to do. Any words of advice?


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

Most guys I know that work nights stay up until midmorning after they get home. What time does he come in, maybe you can wake up and get a morning routine before work?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Ponderball said:


> I do it anyway and he just finishes really fast.


If he is finishing very fast, that means he has a strong desire for you and is saving everything for the little moment that there is. Take it as a complement if that is possible that he finishes fast. The other option would be that he masturbates or is being unfaithful and would not be able to climax or would develop ED with you. 

Your enemy is your schedules, not your husband. 

If a guy remains chaste for his wife (meaning no masturbation), orgasms will be very strong, and with that comes a strong release of hormones to resolve and sexual tension (puts most men to sleep) that is proven stronger than taking a valium. So if he seems lethargic or unresponsive afterwards, take that as a compliment as well. 

What I would advise you to do is engage in a little bit of tease and denial. Masturbate all you want, get yourself aroused, and do not let it go any further until you have that brief moment with your husband that will push yourself instantly over the edge. Talk about that with him, and make sure he understands what is going on if you try that.

Another thing you can engage in is sending each other texts throughout the day when you are apart to tease each other and let each other know that you care about each other and desire each other. This may include texting each other very highly sexual content if the two of you would enjoy that. 

One of the craziest times I had sex with my wife was when we were on different continents and had a moment to video chat! Holy cow stuff like that can get hot! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

Tell him directly that you have not been satisfied with your recent sex life. That you are not getting much pleasure from it. Ask him next time to start your sex sessions with him using a toy and/or oral on you, to ensure mutual pleasure before getting to the intercourse.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ponderball said:


> We have conflicting schedules. I work in the day and he works at night. By the time he gets home. I am dead to the world and when I wake up, I'm usually ready to play with snakey. He isn't though.


 Given your situation.. I'd want to knock a man out -for this behavior... BUT on your end.. beings you are frustrated here.. I'd do what YOU could to accommodate when he has the most time,..to give you the royal treatment .. lots of foreplay...

If you work during the day.. why not sleep when he is working so when he comes home..you'll be prime & ready for him.. if this is what works for him?? 

When my drive was higher... I catered to my husband.. I made myself available whenever it was BEST for him.. cause I was the one wanting MORE.. wanting special treatment.. basically I changed my schedule to get the most out of our romps.. 

Just a thought !


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I feel bad for you bc I love sex, and when I engage in sex I do so with the goal of an orgasm (sorry, I know people won't like that comment but it's true). Does he know that your not having an orgasm? Does he care? You need to have this conversation. My husband and I more or less have a if I make you orgasm, you need to make me orgasm policy. Of course not all the time (sometimes I just get some, sometimes he just gets some). There is only one person in the world that can pleasure us, and that's our spouse. So we both make it a point to satisfy each other. It doesn't seem like he cares about whether or not your satisfied, he sounds selfish. Take control of your sex life and Have a conversation with him.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

badsanta said:


> Your enemy is your schedules, not your husband.


Yeah, this.

I had the same issue very early on in my relationship with my wife. She was on 12 hour shifts, alternating between days and nights.

She was (and still is) very much a "morning" person, if you know what I mean. I am not, at all - go figure.

But we made it work by compromising. There were times after work when she just wanted to crawl into bed and hibernate for the next 8 or 10 hours - but she'd make time for me.

And there were times where I wanted to stay fast asleep at 6am when she got in - but I'd make time for her.

Both of you need to compromise, not just him.


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