# I was making love to you



## alongtimeago (Apr 20, 2014)

I read dozens of threads. So much pain. Mine is so new, so real, nothing like it ever in my life, and it won't go away. So many cheating spouses who say that their husband or wife grew boring, or that sex was no longer exciting…that they needed a thrill. 
So I wrote this little bit. I'm a husband and a father, and my wife traveled, though it usually is the other way around.
Feel free to send it to your WS. For some, it may help heal. 
I hope...

When I did every night feeding
When I took our son to the hospital
When your father passed away
And we moved her to be near you
When I held her hand as the chemo entered her veins
When I moved her in with us
When I took care of her every need
And kissed her goodnight until the end
When I knew she wished you had married someone else
When our second son fell asleep on my chest
In the middle of the night
Awake, always awake
Two car seats, ten toys, Cheerios everywhere
When I left you those notes
On the dash of your car
Or hidden in your suitcase
All of those moments
All of those years
I was making love to you
And I made mistakes
Was not always so kind
I was the lucky one
With two children to hug me tight
To keep me company when you were gone
Working so hard for us
I know that took a toll
But I did make love to you
I guess it wasn't easy to see
Being alone in a hotel bar
I can understand
So far away from me
But each and every day
I made love to you
I can understand
So far away
And lonely too
You just didn't see
That I was making love to you


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

That's powerful.

Thank you for sharing it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Here is how my poem would go:

You are an ungrateful cheating wh0re. 

Pack up your sh!t and get out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

God, I'm so sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

HERE IS MINE ( If I had the ability to call one more airstrike)


Alpha 6...Alpha 6 ...This is Bravo 2.... 

I AM OVERRUN...REPEAT I AM BEING OVERRUN..

Drop ALL Ordinance on my POS..

And we all came tumbling Down.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Here is how my poem would go:
> 
> You are an ungrateful cheating wh0re.
> 
> ...


Has a nice ring to it.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

badkarma2013 said:


> HERE IS MINE ( If I had the ability to call one more airstrike)
> 
> 
> Alpha 6...Alpha 6 ...This is Bravo 2....
> ...


Broken Arrow! Broken Arrow!


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Here is how my poem would go:
> 
> You are an ungrateful cheating wh0re.
> 
> ...



I really like this .... You have a way with words.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Here is how my poem would go:
> 
> You are an ungrateful cheating wh0re.
> 
> ...


That's Haiku, Bandit. And a very expressive one, too!:smthumbup:


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

A good poem - what happened ? Did she have a ONS ? Longer affair ? Are you still together ?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Do you believe SAHD relationships can work? Does eros survive?

Read Jerry123


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

My experience with women:

When they love you and have a high romantic interest in you, a simple card with "I love you" will bring joyful tears to her eyes.

When the romantic interest is gone, the most beautiful poem will be meaningless and even disdainful.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Here is how my poem would go:
> 
> You are an ungrateful cheating wh0re.
> 
> ...



You are both a gentlemen and a scholar good sir. The dynamic range of your work echoes both a surreal rapture of rebirth and yet speaks to the core of one's soul. Not since Yeats and Blake has one captured the meaning of "wh0re" so well.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You pushed me off, watched me fall
You laughed, and watched. 
I love you. But: You walk away.

Winter Summer. 
Winter Summer.

A man slowly pushing though.

New. Not for you.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

WW is the bread earner. In the event of divorce BH will still be at home with the kids, until they are old enough to go to school. If he reconciles, he is a door mat. She won't be attracted to him because a man who would accept this betrayal is not sexy.

Catch-22: to have any chance of reconciliation BH must divorce. But divorce and the consequences can bring her back, though in her heart there is no desire for BH.

WW sounds like a ONS serial cheater. Or maybe she revisits the same places to hook with the same lovers?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

EI said:


> That was beautiful, painful to read, still, beautiful...... I was the WS in my marriage... I can, actually, feel your pain, as I read your words. I'm so sorry.
> 
> Keep writing, here. You're very good at expressing yourself. I think it might be therapeutic for you.


Why thank you E1.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> WW is the bread earner. In the event of divorce BH will still be at home with the kids, until they are old enough to go to school.


Plus, Gawd help him, he'd have to get a job.  Sorry I'm old school and believe if you want to hang around the den while the female works, you need to be a lion.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

After reading that, I'm going to go punch the wall and eat something that was living.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Ripper said:


> After reading that, I'm going to go punch the wall and eat something that was living.


Go kick a cat and pick your nose too. Very masculine. 

This is just one more thread that proves being a SAHD is poison to a marriage. You cannot reprogram women to go against 10,000 years of social conditioning to be taken care of by their men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

alongtimeago said:


> I read dozens of threads. So much pain. Mine is so new, so real, nothing like it ever in my life, and it won't go away. So many cheating spouses who say that their husband or wife grew boring, or that sex was no longer exciting…that they needed a thrill.
> So I wrote this little bit. I'm a husband and a father, and my wife traveled, though it usually is the other way around.
> Feel free to send it to your WS. For some, it may help heal.
> I hope...
> ...


Very expressive and poetic.
Nick Drake would've loved it.



However, utterly _futile _when trying to reason with someone in an exciting, physical, anything goes, sexual-affair: you cannot 'nice' your cheating 'SO' back.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Nick Drake would have added a line or two at the end talking about how he would have shot her down with a .44.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Nick Drake would have added a line or two at the end talking about how he would have shot her down with a .44...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


...and then himself.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Here is how my poem would go:
> 
> You are an ungrateful cheating wh0re.
> 
> ...


That's always the problem with you bandit 

- you're so verbose !


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Still not sure what happened here! I am guessing OP's wife cheated? I have this strange urge to take up creative writing???


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That's the consensus. OP must have had the urge to go out to all the marriage sites and spread the good word. Not understanding that a WW in the fog of an affair would take that poem, wad it up , and use it for toilet paper.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Here's my effort

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Life is much better
Without a lying cheating theiving hoaring slvt cvnt b!tch like you


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Disenchanted said:


> Here's my effort
> 
> Roses are red
> Violets are blue
> ...


Cute.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Awesome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alongtimeago (Apr 20, 2014)

Well…you all (most of you anyway) took the bait! Kudos to the few on here who had a brain, and could see that the expression of grief and pain, in an adult manner, not like that of a 6th grade boys club, might actually make the WS feel remorse and might actually help the BS by getting the feeling out on paper, in a thoughtful way…to really let the WS know what they were missing…all the while, being the adult in the situation, and still walking away with my head up high….not sniveling and swearing like a schoolboy…like so many of you supposed "men" are doing.
This topic is supposed to be coping with infidelity…this letter helped me cope. All you boys seem to want to do is have a bromance with each other while you say "good one" to the guy who can hurl the most insulting swear word at your ex. Do you think that will make them feel badly till their dying day about what they did? Get a clue. The idea of the letter was to shock them with calm. Shock them with thinking differently about what loving means. This however, has the dual effect of being true, heartfelt, but also making the reader, the BS feel like a piece of crap till the day they die. You don't give the WS the satisfaction of seeing you lose your cool. 
So many children on this site losing their cool!
Your reactions (most of yours) were to attack anyone who didn't yell and scream at his partner, jump up and down, rant and rave, etc. etc. Now that you realize I'm a "she", does that change your opinion of my letter? Hmmm. Bet it does. You boys really do like to express just how manly you are. My husband was like that too. A chauvinistic pig. 
Yes, that was me…stay at home mom…cheated upon. Yes, that was the note I left for my husband when he came home to an empty house. The next time he heard from me was through my lawyer. That, boys, is the way you do it. With dignity, not screaming and yelling.
The note had what I felt in my heart, but it also served the purpose to point out…far better than screaming and yelling and cursing (like so many on here are doing…and you are guys, you should be more stoic than that)…it pointed out the heart of the matter. He could not read this without realizing what an awful human being he was to do this to the best thing he ever had. 
And I was making love to him when I did those things, especially with taking care of his mom, who I could never quite please. That was true, and these acts of love I don't think the WS ever realizes in these matters. 
There is only one "Coping with Infidelity" topic…not one broken down for women and men, and this topic seems so dominated by men and your childish, emotional, screaming, ranting reactions to being betrayed. You needed to hear from a gal who can teach you how to do it in a cool manner, always keeping dignity, never allowing myself to feel like I was somehow not good enough. It seems so many of you let your egos be damaged by the WS. That's such a mistake….and not manly at all!
Given that half of ALL men cheat, the statistics reveal that half of you boys who yelled the loudest and swore the most…half of you have cheated as well! Your spouse just never found out. You know it, I know it, and the statisticians know it. 
Can't wait to read the vitriol that follows! (look it up, guys who only know how to spell F###)!


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## alongtimeago (Apr 20, 2014)

and yes…if he had come crawling on his knees, I might have taken him back. The letter will work with someone who is open enough with themselves to receive a new perspective on love from a BS, and suddenly realize their mistake, and hope like heck the BS will take them back. It is the WS in this case, who loses the dignity, humbles himself, and begs for forgiveness. It is up to the letter writer as to whether the WS is worth taking back. 
Dignity boys…class.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Why thank you E1.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

alongtimeago said:


> Well…you all (most of you anyway) took the bait! Kudos to the few on here who had a brain, and could see that the expression of grief and pain, in an adult manner, not like that of a 6th grade boys club, might actually make the WS feel remorse and might actually help the BS by getting the feeling out on paper, in a thoughtful way…to really let the WS know what they were missing…all the while, being the adult in the situation, and still walking away with my head up high….not sniveling and swearing like a schoolboy…like so many of you supposed "men" are doing.
> This topic is supposed to be coping with infidelity…this letter helped me cope. All you boys seem to want to do is have a bromance with each other while you say "good one" to the guy who can hurl the most insulting swear word at your ex. Do you think that will make them feel badly till their dying day about what they did? Get a clue. The idea of the letter was to shock them with calm. Shock them with thinking differently about what loving means. This however, has the dual effect of being true, heartfelt, but also making the reader, the BS feel like a piece of crap till the day they die. You don't give the WS the satisfaction of seeing you lose your cool.
> So many children on this site losing their cool!
> Your reactions (most of yours) were to attack anyone who didn't yell and scream at his partner, jump up and down, rant and rave, etc. etc. Now that you realize I'm a "she", does that change your opinion of my letter? Hmmm. Bet it does. You boys really do like to express just how manly you are. My husband was like that too. A chauvinistic pig.
> ...


Sorry you experienced this from someone who was supposed to love you. 

Most of the "boys" who reacted to your note acted exactly as you did. They're here to help others in your former sitch see clearly enough to pull the plug when necessary. Life is too short to do otherwise in many cases.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

alongtimeago said:


> Well…you all.....


I like to have fun, it's top priority of mine. You'll get there.


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## davidsmith003 (Apr 11, 2014)

that's what you said….makes no sense...


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Alongtimeago



> *Given that half of ALL men cheat, the statistics reveal that half of you boys who yelled the loudest and swore the most…half of you have cheated as well! Your spouse just never found out. You know it, I know it, and the statisticians know it. *


When I see a BS make that kind of accusation most of us realize the pain you are really in.

Statistics point out (if you can believe them) that just as many women cheat as men these days. 

But instead of dissing everyone on here and making comment of it all I will say is the following:

-You write well. keep writing and hopefully posting here.
-You pride yourself on staying calm and cool. Great attributes, never lose them.
-And yes he deserved to come home to an empty house.

Good Luck

HM


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP

just so I understand, you are not a husband and father, correct? I went through the pain of almost reading your 2nd post word for word. Sorry, ease explain again the point of lying about your gender?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

My poem was asexual. 

Men can be wh0res too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

alongtimeago said:


> Well…you all (most of you anyway) took the bait! Kudos to the few on here who had a brain, and could see that the expression of grief and pain, in an adult manner, not like that of a 6th grade boys club, might actually make the WS feel remorse and might actually help the BS by getting the feeling out on paper, in a thoughtful way…to really let the WS know what they were missing…all the while, being the adult in the situation, and still walking away with my head up high….not sniveling and swearing like a schoolboy…like so many of you supposed "men" are doing.
> This topic is supposed to be coping with infidelity…this letter helped me cope. All you boys seem to want to do is have a bromance with each other while you say "good one" to the guy who can hurl the most insulting swear word at your ex. Do you think that will make them feel badly till their dying day about what they did? Get a clue. The idea of the letter was to shock them with calm. Shock them with thinking differently about what loving means. This however, has the dual effect of being true, heartfelt, but also making the reader, the BS feel like a piece of crap till the day they die. You don't give the WS the satisfaction of seeing you lose your cool.
> So many children on this site losing their cool!
> Your reactions (most of yours) were to attack anyone who didn't yell and scream at his partner, jump up and down, rant and rave, etc. etc. Now that you realize I'm a "she", does that change your opinion of my letter? Hmmm. Bet it does. You boys really do like to express just how manly you are. My husband was like that too. A chauvinistic pig.
> ...


:scratchhead: Christ !

I must be missing something here? We are actually all singing from the same hymn sheet you know

...and you're coming across a a bit of a d!ckhead with all that nonsense...

You could not be wider of the mark if you tried with all that. We, both the men and women here are a lot further down the line than you and most of us understand how this works to every nuance you might imagine 

If you're going to get or seeking to get any help from the betrayed here I'd advise you to get down of that extremely high horse you seem to be mounted upon 

Sorry if that offends you but ........


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

There are too many cheaters no doubt. Your stats are probably wrong. Google infidelity statistics.

As many women are cheating now as men. In Australia, there is indications more women are cheating as men. 

The fact is, men take infidelity differently than women. Women are twice as likely to take back a cheating spouse as a man. ( according to "experts")


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

alongtimeago said:


> Well…you all (most of you anyway) took the bait!


I admittedly took the bait assuming you where some docile SAHD letting his wife do the heavy lifting. Good to know it wasn't really a man who came up with such a feminine elegy.


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## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

alongtimeago said:


> Well…you all (most of you anyway) took the bait! Kudos to the few on here who had a brain, and could see that the expression of grief and pain, in an adult manner, not like that of a 6th grade boys club, might actually make the WS feel remorse and might actually help the BS by getting the feeling out on paper, in a thoughtful way…to really let the WS know what they were missing…all the while, being the adult in the situation, and still walking away with my head up high….not sniveling and swearing like a schoolboy…like so many of you supposed "men" are doing.
> This topic is supposed to be coping with infidelity…this letter helped me cope. All you boys seem to want to do is have a bromance with each other while you say "good one" to the guy who can hurl the most insulting swear word at your ex. Do you think that will make them feel badly till their dying day about what they did? Get a clue. The idea of the letter was to shock them with calm. Shock them with thinking differently about what loving means. This however, has the dual effect of being true, heartfelt, but also making the reader, the BS feel like a piece of crap till the day they die. You don't give the WS the satisfaction of seeing you lose your cool.
> So many children on this site losing their cool!
> Your reactions (most of yours) were to attack anyone who didn't yell and scream at his partner, jump up and down, rant and rave, etc. etc. Now that you realize I'm a "she", does that change your opinion of my letter? Hmmm. Bet it does. You boys really do like to express just how manly you are. My husband was like that too. A chauvinistic pig.
> ...


:smthumbup: Alongtimeago. I recall having a similar reaction to posting a letter I wrote to my (now)ex wife. It was a letter as much for ME to heal as it was for HER to read what she had done. There was no screaming and yelling at any stage in our breakdown but your words about wishing she had married someone else really struck a chord with me. I was never accepted by my ex mother in law yet ironically I still support them financially because they have nothing..... Why? because I gave my word and my word is my bond. Old school? No its called honour and holding my head high.

My daughter is with me. We are healing. Life is good. My ex? Her eyes are dead. If eyes be the windows to the soul, what does that say about her? She is now living the choice she made. I feel sorry for her but I also now know, I could never have fixed whatever is "broken" in her make-up. And she will never fix it either until she WANTS to make the change.....sadly, not in this lifetime....

C'est la vie.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

roses are red
violets are blue
you couldnt keep your legs closed
henceforth i am done with you


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