# shall i keep fighting for this marriage?



## rania (May 3, 2013)

Hi there, I am seriously thinking of breaking off this marriage which I have with my husband for 7 years Unfortunately during our marriage there happened a lot bad things, controlling, phone checking, bank accounts checking also, when it came to arguments - my husband kept showing that I am nothing beside him.. just cheap person from eastern Europe, which is not even true, I have tried to change for him, as he is muslim I tried to learn more about the religion, evens tarted to wear the scarf , but couldn't keep up with it as my hair started to fall, I helped him always with any pc work as he doesnt know how to operate it, I became his secretary of his company, every week I kee trying to bring new recepies from various countries so that he has good food, I do try keep house clean and tidy but it is very difficult with two children small, really trying to do all what he wants but still I never know what will happen next as he sometimes comes with good mood then he is really lovely and sweet and takes us out, or when he is horrible, someone in his family back in his country/ that's mostly the reason when he becomes horrible to me, then he just picks on even unvashed plate and the fight starts.. how uncapible I am.. how useless and htat he should divorce me, and really nasty words against me he uses even infront of children, few months back he was so bad that he even went for knife but then put back, just to scare me, he wanted to throu ipad on me and heavy camera, I was 15 weeks pregnant so iw as really scared, next day I have called the help line and runned to refuge, then after two days of calling , I want back to him.. I wanted to give him last chance, since then he is trying to be better.. sometimes he does make me feel again like nothing.. even tried to make me write a letter that if I divorce him I will not take any possetions with me.. I will leave the house and not ask for any money for me or children and just leave with sweater and some toys for children... horrible really, but still I kept believe that maybe there is a way to save this marriage, proppably naïve, I know, few weeks back I have found out that he is on various dating sites, and when he told me to go into his email to print out something for him I saw this name, girl name, and as it was just third one.(then I saw in sent emails that from long time back he is writing emails to various girls that he wants to meet, even he had sent some money to one). impossible for me not to read it, it was love letter and some communication how they will meet and what they will do together.. it makes me sick, I just feel I have no confidence, shall I still try to fight for this marriage.. for children to have daddy whom they love, or just to leave the letter which I saw and leave??? only thing is I ma nto in my own country .. so it s not easy... any advice???I couldn't write absolutely everything but atleast little part of it, I do feel really sad :-(


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## lostwithouthim (Apr 15, 2013)

At all costs you need to stay in the house and throw him out. You've got children. so you've got the right to stay in the house. You've given him plenty of chances to improve himself and he's still being abusive towards you.
Normally I would reply to these posts and try and get people to talk before it's too late, but I feel that your husband is past talking! Have you ever told him how he makes you feel? You sound like he scares you which is why you would rather leave than him. If you feel like this then get the police involved as he is mentally and physically abusing you! 
It's always hard when you've got children, but I would rather be on my own then have a husband like the one you describe above.
Your children want you to be happy and I'm sure they would rather you be happy without their daddy, than miserable with their daddy.
I would fear for your children as well, if he's threatened to hit you then I'd keep him away from the children as well.
Good luck and keep us posted.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Talk to a lawyer to see what your rights are. Serve him with divorce papers. Do not give him everything as he suggests.

No, your marriage is not worth your life. Threatening you with a knife is very very very dangerous behavior! Your husband will not change and his abuse towards you will get worse. You NEED to get out of this marriage!


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Its time to leave. This man will never have any respect for you. He is abusive, probably physically soon if he starts waving a knife at you, but definitely emotionally abusive. You'll notice that everything will go in a circle--he abuses, apologizes and becomes nice again, the finds a way to hurt you again. It will never stop. 

I bet he is even brainwashing the children to hate you. 

Get out now.


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

Rania,

Listen to what these good folks are saying. My first husband started out being verbally and emotionally abusive. He cheated, and then came home and accused me of doing the same, even though I'd been at home with our two children. After several months of that, he became physically abusive. I always got make-up gifts, which usually consisted of lingerie. It was sick. Don't go there. Get out before it gets to that point.

Blessings,
Mattsmom


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## some_guy_mn (Mar 4, 2013)

There doesn't appear to be any reason to try and preserve a the marriage. There does appear to be plenty of reason to distance you and your kids from him. I'd absolutely get out of the relationship for your kids sake (and yours)!

Pulling a knife, even as a joke, is NOT ok. 

Leave him now!


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