# I want to marry her but my past infidelity is haunting us now.



## GuitarDude82 (Dec 18, 2011)

Hi everyone I'm new to this site, I've been browsing and there is lots of good info. I'm feeling brave so I'll ask.

I have been with my G/F for 4 years and I've started to plan how I'm going to ask her for Marriage, I already know how I just need to finalize the date. I almost have a ring picked out, my G/F loves eccentric jewelery so it's been fun searching for a ring.

The problem starts where she is extremely jealous based on how I've acted before. When we were separated I stupidly had sex with someone who meant nothing to me. This in turn made my G/F jealous because I cheated on her. I don't blame her for feeling this way, it's totally my fault and I wish I would have never met that other person but this jealousy and my bad track record is putting a serious strain on the relationship.

So the nature of my job means that I have to communicate with other people on a regular basis, Phone calls, emails, etc. I messed up bad today when she found some emails to one of my female co-workers that seemed like borderline flirting to my G/F. I did not make any effort to hide them because at the time I wrote them I knew I wasn't doing anything bad. It was more of an inside joke with the co-worker but my G/F will never believe this. Now my G/F is crying and saying that I don't love her and I'm a jerk and she wishes she would have never gotten back with me. I wish so much that I would stop being so gullible with women and think before I typed anything that would seem like flirting. I am not trying to find someone on the side, I have no intention of doing such things.

I love my G/F with all my heart and after the mistake I made when we were separated I would never cheat on her again because she's my Lobster and I know we belong together but I'm such a bonehead sometimes. All I want to do is make her feel special and loved and I can't even seem to do that even though I do love her and she means everything to me. 

How can I make her see this, that I really do love her and that I will never cheat on her again? 

I know it's a lot to read but everyone here seems to helpful.
Any help is much appreciated


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Unfortunately---she has a trust problem, and you are not seeing past your nose, in that you do things to set your relationship back

Forget mge. for now, work on getting her trust back, and be super careful, about contact with other women.

Court her hard, just as if you were dating all over again, from the beginning.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You had sex with someone when you were separated. Were the two of you separated with the intent to get back together or did you both think at the time that your relationship was over? How long ago was this?
You need to do everything to be open with your gf. Give her the passwords to your accounts (except your work accounts. This could be a legal issue)
You wish you would stop being so gullable with other women? You are 100% in control of the way to you interact with woman. You are vulnerable to other woman thus you need to protect yourself from those interactions. Stay very business like.


GuitarDude82 said:


> I already know how I just need to finalize the date. I almost have a ring picked out, my G/F loves eccentric jewelery so it's been fun searching for a ring.


Seems to me that she should be involved in picking the date. You can suggest a date but don’t be surprised if she wants to change it. Same with the ring. I know that some guys pick the ring out but shouldn’t she be involved in picking a ring she will ware for the rest of her life?

You can tell you that you love her and want to spend your life with her. But before you propose you want to fix your relationship. Start out with the book “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters” by Dr. Harley. Read and work them together. My husband and I did this. He read the books to me, we worked the exercises they gave together. Do the things the book suggests, do them over the life of your relationship. This is not a onetime thing. Another good book by Dr. Harley is “I Promise You” for engaged couples.

Most people get married without learning what it’s all about and how to be successful. If you love her, then take the time to learn and build a strong relationship.

The Marriage Builders® Bookstore


Maybe don't propose right now. Maybe tell her that you want to marry her but the two of you have to fix things first... and give her a smaller ring.. a promise ring for now.


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## Lonely yet not alone (Dec 18, 2011)

You need to start by showing her that you are trust worthy. If you continue to interact with female friends or co-workers in a way that makes it look like your intentions are to flirt, then I think I dont blame her for feeling the way she does. As a woman, I can totally understand where she is coming from. I agree with elegirl, you need to keep it strictly business like. Sometimes even though your intentions are good, that might not be the case on the other end of the table! You catch me? 

I think you need to make it up to her and show her how you really feel about her. Maybe Marriage for now should be on hold, but a nice promise ring would be nice, and effort from you to fix the relationship. Try couples counseling or even those exercises that elegirl recommended. If you really truly love her then you have to make it work somehow.

You mentioned that you have been with her for 4 years. Do you have kids together? This makes it alot more complicated. If so, you really need to make it work to keep your family together! Im a product of divorce and let me tell you it really affects you alot. Its very damaging for a child. Good luck and I hope things get better!


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