# Sister Called Me....



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

Hey TAM. I posted a long time ago and finally...finaaaally I have screwed my head on straight. Drinking wine right now so if this initial post doesn't make too much sense I apologize.

My sister called me last night crying.

Backstory: My sister bought tickets to see a friend in another city. That friend ditched. It just so happens that that city is where my mother and father in law (we are not actually married, been together many years, engaged) live. I said... "Why don't you just visit them?" She thought it was a great idea to salvage the trip..my in laws are truly awesome. She spent a few days with them had a wonderful time. My fiance decided to visit my in laws at the same time. 

So as I said my sister calls me crying last night saying my fiance pushed his erection against her and tried to pull her pants down. She can't believe someone she calls her brother did that to her. It feels like incest to her. 

I called him once I made sure that my sister already was on the flight home away from him. I told him that I knew what happened and we were no longer together and there was nothing that could be said. He admitted to everything, didn't try to argue said he felt like a monster and wanted to kill himself. I told him that self harm and suicide were not the answer and that my confrontation with him was not to make him hate himself or want to hurt himself but to cut off the relationship, wrap up the financial ties we had and to put an end to the relationship. I still feel like self-harm is up in the air at this point but I just can't do anything about it. We don't live together.

Guys....this sucks but it is so clear cut. My sister comes above any relationship. It sucks that he did that but it happened and obviously (as by previous posts) there were warning signs like comparing me to other women which was what led us to many arguments but I never thought he would act like this to my sister. He has been around her many times for many years and always called her sister and never acted in a sexual manner towards her. 

It's done. I just need the glorious TAM commentary. Give me the beat down too. Whatever. I took too long and I know that. I am not ashamed I loved him purely, but I have ZERO patience for any bull**** in the future. I'm in my twenties which doesn't excuse my acceptance of him but may explain some naivety. 

Also, WTF is up with people like this?

I have explained to my sister dozens of times it is not her fault, she has every right to feel violated, she is the most important person to me. I am sorry that I brought a person like him into her life.

I have 2 and a half weeks until the day where we trade all of our stuff back. I don't know how to handle that at the moment. So right now it's just wine...lots and lots of wine.


----------



## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Not sure why you are beating yourself up. He's the jerk. Excise him from your life and move on. It wasn't your fault.

Oh, and drinking won't solve your problems.


----------



## Ab10lah (Jul 1, 2018)

I have not read your earlier posts but this one here is bad enough. Your fiancé is not a safe person to be around and you should be thankful he has not had the opportunity to rape your sister. 


Him saying he feels like killing himself is just cheap blackmail to make you feel bad for him and take him back.

Tell him to get help for himself, and if you think he won't let his close family members know he needs help. 

Be firm when you meet in two weeks. This is not the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. You will continue to have doubts about him no matter how much he promises to change. Don't get swayed by his apologies or tears when you meet.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

From his viewpoint why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? He figures he isn't married so he's checking out other possibilities. You should be glad you dodged the bullet this time, not married, no kids. You need to mature some to determine when a future relationship is good enough to commit to. This one wasn't obviuosly.


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

I am very glad we were not more financially/legally/kids tied down before I found out this happened. And I agree with you Edmund that I made this decision too quickly to commit to him. I was 22 and didn't have the same skills that I have now. Doesn't excuse the decision I made.

I was very afraid when my sister called me that he had raped my sister. I wasn't happy to hear what happened, but I was happy that my sister was out of the situation and already on her way home. My sister is the most important person in the world to me. I just feel this very deep feeling inside of myself that nothing can ever make this situation ok ever and I would never be able to trust him again. Neither could I ask my sister to face him again. I do think the suicide thing was emotional blackmail as well. I did tell him to talk to family members or someone else and not to kill himself as it wouldn't solve anything. 

When we meet I think the hardest two things will be fear and shock...how did I ever kiss a man who did that to my sister? I just don't know. But the line was crossed and I could never ever trust a man like him again. I'm also sure he cheated on me previously. One doesnt go from being faithful to trying to **** your girlfriend's sister. I think it started with others and this was the ultimate taboo or next high or just the best way to end the relationship. I'm just in shock as cliche as that sounds. How do you get out of this shock phase? 

I know drinking won't solve my problems and don't plan on making this a nightly weekly or monthly thing.


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

Edmund said:


> From his viewpoint why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? He figures he isn't married so he's checking out other possibilities. You should be glad you dodged the bullet this time, not married, no kids. You need to mature some to determine when a future relationship is good enough to commit to. This one wasn't obviuosly.


Just a question....is this a suggestion then that being engaged is not that worthwhile? We were waiting for my debt situation (medical professional) to change (which would have taken just this year) so we could put money down on our own place. I didn't want to get married while living in two different places (I live with my parents to pay down as much of my loans as possible)


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Greatly contingent upon the jurisdiction that this act occurred in, your ex-fiancé could well be looking at an attempted rape or even a full-blown forcible rape rap!

In most states, "penetration" alone is no longer deemed to be the overriding element in the crime!*


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

arbitrator said:


> *Greatly contingent upon the jurisdiction that this act occurred in, your ex-fiancé could well be looking at an attempted rape or even a full-blown forcible rape rap!
> 
> In most states, "penetration" alone is no longer deemed to be the overriding element in the crime!*


It's equally traumatic or actually more that my sister went through a sexual assault. And I agree with you that this was a sexual assault.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Who are the 'happy people?' 

I am unaware of your prior posts. 

You say you have been together a long time, but there seems to be a lack of significant surprise at his unfaithful actions. The relationship was dying?

Is it possible he chose to visit his parents all the while planning to harass/assault, if not worse, your sister? Was he clothed when he pushed his erection, drinking, testing the waters? What occurred immediately before his actions? He admitted his guilt. No real remorse--sounds almost like he was planning escape from your engagement. 

Your sister is most important and may need counseling considering her on-going trauma. Is there another person who can facilitate property exchange? Do not do this alone.

Anytime someone threatens self harm report this to a responsible adult in proximity to the person--whether considered to be an idle threat or not.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Reads like attempted rape. Ever consider pressing charges? I hope your sister is not under age.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I, too, considered the under-age possibilities. Hopefully, the parents--both sets-- are fully informed!


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

If your sister was my sister, your ******* ex-fiance would be half-dead right now somewhere in a dark alley. 

In a way, you should be very glad that you found out who he really is now; not a few years down the the row, when you would have been saddle with kids, and a lot of other financial obligations. 

I commend you for having the integrity, and the clear, decisive response you had. Family always comes first, before a man/woman that had shown you their moral turpitude. I can feel in your posts the love you have for you sister.

For what It's worth, even if you do not believe it right now, a greater, better true love will eventually come your way. And instead of the wine, you'll be drinking the champagne.

Regards, wishing a most awesome future with a person that would appreciate you for all you're worth.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> Hey TAM. I posted a long time ago and finally...finaaaally I have screwed my head on straight. Drinking wine right now so if this initial post doesn't make too much sense I apologize.
> 
> My sister called me last night crying.
> 
> ...


*Inasfar as the "trade-off" is concerned, I would have a mutual friend act as a buffer and do the trade off at the friends residence, at an agreed upon time to come alone and leave items they may no longer wish to keep. Then the same goes for going back over there, alone, and collecting what is yours!

At this juncture, a minimization of contact is totally paramount!*


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

To address some concerns.

My sister is not under aged. My sister describes him testing the waters. Giving her too many hugs and trying to tickle her throughout the day but covering it up by calling her sister. She said she felt very uncomfortable but tried to brush it off. Then he came to the guest room in nothing but his boxers. She tried to pretend it wasn't happening that he was half naked. When he pushed up against her she pushed him away and got away from him, called a taxi and called me in a taxi. She was afraid I would blame her but I heard the fear in her voice. 

Our relationship was rocky. To sum up my previous post, I am his first girlfriend and first person he ever had sex with. At first everything was fine but then he started to say things about missing out on sleeping around (kind of like a reverse mid age crisis) and then the comparisons started. That was when our relationship went sour. I told him that language was completely unacceptable. Started therapy, thought we were getting closer. He apologized, he started doing what TAM calls heavy lifting. 

Then this happened.

I wanted to be more surprised and in some ways I am but the previous behavior could have led to him either really taking a good hard look at himself or cheating on me. I just never expected him to take advantage of the brotherly/sisterly relationship they had. Its honestly more traumatizing then the dissolution of the relationship.



> If your sister was my sister, your ******* ex-fiance would be half-dead right now somewhere in a dark alley.
> 
> In a way, you should be very glad that you found out who he really is now; not a few years down the the row, when you would have been saddle with kids, and a lot of other financial obligations.
> 
> ...


I believe you, it just sounds exhausting to me right now to ever think of investing myself again. I am also so so happy that this was before our lives were more entwined. I do love my sister. She is always a priority.


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

sunsetmist said:


> Who are the 'happy people?'
> .


My username comes from a article. It is an ironic use of it. I don't think happy people cheat.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Glad your sister is not underage. I also see you minimizing what he did. Check for denial in your life. It's a wall against finding love, life and happiness. Take care.


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> Glad your sister is not underage. I also see you minimizing what he did. Check for denial in your life. It's a wall against finding love, life and happiness. Take care.


I agree with you that I am in denial. Would you mind pointing out what specific phrases I used that point to denial and minimization


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You said he pushed his penis against her and tried to pull her pants down, then you said he was just tickling her, or something like that. Suddenly, you defended the man who attempted to rape or molest you sister against her will. 

It means to me that you love him and in the future, will be angry with your sister for going there, even though you suggested she go. I suspect you've seen signs of this in him and have looked at it like a competition to win his affections. 

Yeah, I might be very mistaken.


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> You said he pushed his penis against her and tried to pull her pants down, then you said he was just tickling her, or something like that. Suddenly, you defended the man who attempted to rape or molest you sister against her will.
> 
> It means to me that you love him and in the future, will be angry with your sister for going there, even though you suggested she go. I suspect you've seen signs of this in him and have looked at it like a competition to win his affections.
> 
> Yeah, I might be very mistaken.


You are right that I have seen signs of this in him w/ comparisons to other women. I was very angry and told him we needed therapy and we started down that route. I believe in commitment and I think this led to my overlooking his faults.

I may not have been clear. He did all of the above. He started out that day with hugging and tickling and in the evening he pushed his erection against her and attempted to pull down her pants.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Report him to his parents, yours and the police.


----------



## rv10flyer (Apr 26, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> Report him to his parents, yours and the police.


I agree. Otherwise, he may go even farther with the next girl. He needs to learn that there are consequences for our poor decisions in life. I taught a 60 yr old serial-cheating preacher that lesson last summer. It was long overdue.


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

I know this will be controversial but I will stand by it. I called my sister based off of the suggestion to call police. She requested me not to. I myself have been sexually assaulted before as she has and while we understand the benefits of doing it, we also know the horrors. She herself was put through the ringer with the police last time and would rather me not do it and this really involves her more.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> *I know this will be controversial but I will stand by it. I called my sister based off of the suggestion to call police. She requested me not to. I myself have been sexually assaulted before as she has and while we understand the benefits of doing it, we also know the horrors. She herself was put through the ringer with the police last time and would rather me not do it and this really involves her more.*


*What do you do if another unwitting victim comes to light, and this same man ends up being a suspect? Then what?*


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> *My username comes from a article. It is an ironic use of it. I don't think happy people cheat.*


*Usually, those who choose to cheat are only happy for an inordinate amount of time ~ usually for only 15 minutes or less!*


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

arbitrator said:


> *What do you if there's another unwitting victim, and this same man comes to light as a suspect? Then what?*


I understand. When my sister was going through her rape course through court she had a rape kit and testimonials from four other women who were also raped that night (all of them were break in and enter by one man). That man was also undocumented and had done other crimes. She testified, told her story, and still all he got was house arrest. I understand your point but I don't always think that avenue is productive and this is also her story and I will not force her to go through the system against her will. 

I also tried to go through the courts when I was sexually assaulted, I did not have DNA unlike my sister and I found the process unproductive and re-traumatizing.


----------



## MichelleThoughts (Jun 24, 2018)

I am so glad you found out now rather than later that he is like this. How sad that you wasted your time with this man! 

Actually, I am reminded of two other couples I have known. One of them was engaged and hit on the fiance's twin sister. He was saying how he would never tell and stuff if they had an affair, and she was so turned off and immediately told her sister. Her sister sided with him! But he ended up dumping her before the wedding anyway.

Another couple I know, the fiance was always acting inappropriately around her sister and tickling her. The sister told her that this was wrong and that this guy was no good, but she married him anyway.

So I'm just saying, I feel for you. And I am glad that you have been strong through this whole ordeal. Some people are nuts!


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Let him harm himself as far as I'm concerned. But I'm in the camp that men who are rapists should be castrated or killed. With what he did, at least cut his **** off. He can keep his shriveled little nut sack and his pathetic life. I have ZERO tolerance for any of that bull**** whatsoever. We go to easy on these people imo.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> I understand. When my sister was going through her rape course through court she had a rape kit and testimonials from four other women who were also raped that night (all of them were break in and enter by one man). That man was also undocumented and had done other crimes. She testified, told her story, and still all he got was house arrest. I understand your point but I don't always think that avenue is productive and this is also her story and I will not force her to go through the system against her will.
> 
> I also tried to go through the courts when I was sexually assaulted, I did not have DNA unlike my sister and I found the process unproductive and re-traumatizing.


*The worst part is when loutish criminal defense attorneys work hard at trying to turn rape victims into the oppressors and the rapists that they represent into little darlings!

Simply Sickening! *


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Let him harm himself as far as I'm concerned. But I'm in the camp that men who are rapists should be castrated or killed. With what he did, at least cut his **** off. He can keep his shriveled little nut sack and his pathetic life. I have ZERO tolerance for any of that bull**** whatsoever. We go to easy on these people imo.


 Totally agree. 
I wouldn't give a milliseconds thought to your ex's well being. Hell, if it was my sister I'd likely encourage him to harm himself.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Totally agree.
> I wouldn't give a milliseconds thought to your ex's well being. Hell, if it was my sister I'd likely encourage him to harm himself.


A guy who does that is a ticking time bomb no doubt. I get laying in the other room having a fantasy. To go practically naked into the sisters room and rub his boner on her and try to pull down her pants, to actually do that. He has serious issues and I wouldn't trust him not to do something like that again in the future.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> Just a question....is this a suggestion then that being engaged is not that worthwhile? We were waiting for my debt situation (medical professional) to change (which would have taken just this year) so we could put money down on our own place. I didn't want to get married while living in two different places (I live with my parents to pay down as much of my loans as possible)



Being engaged is a state where dating, sex, etc is exclusive to the fiancé. So yes, really long engagements are not good. You are just trying to reserve him, that is prevent him from trying out other potential partners. But of course, his trying out your sister is totally wrong on many levels.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> A guy who does that is a ticking time bomb no doubt. I get laying in the other room having a fantasy. To go practically naked into the sisters room and rub his boner on her and try to pull down her pants, to actually do that. He has serious issues and I wouldn't trust him not to do something like that again in the future.


*... for that matter, with any available woman or young girl!*


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@WhyHappyPeopleCheat You did the right thing. Well done.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

The good thing is your not married. His a jerk and you have confirmed this through his previous form before this incident. Kick him to the kerb and don't look back. Only deal with him to wrap up financials etc.


----------



## WhyHappyPeopleCheat (Sep 7, 2017)

I know that there is not much to add to the story since I left him but I just want to thank TAM for the support and clarity. That is why I came here.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> Hey TAM. I posted a long time ago and finally...finaaaally I have screwed my head on straight. Drinking wine right now so if this initial post doesn't make too much sense I apologize.
> 
> 
> I called him once I made sure that my sister already was on the flight home away from him. I told him that I knew what happened and we were no longer together and there was nothing that could be said. He admitted to everything, didn't try to argue said he felt like a monster and wanted to kill himself. I told him that self harm and suicide were not the answer and that my confrontation with him was not to make him hate himself or want to hurt himself but to cut off the relationship, wrap up the financial ties we had and to put an end to the relationship. I still feel like self-harm is up in the air at this point but I just can't do anything about it. We don't live together.
> ...


I wish all of the stories on here resolved this quickly. You made a decision ( regardless of it being your sister or some other woman) and followed it through with resolve. I only wish many other could make a choice and follow through. This post made my day. I am glad you found out before there was more complications.


----------



## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

badbane said:


> I wish all of the stories on here resolved this quickly. You made a decision ( regardless of it being your sister or some other woman) and followed it through with resolve. I only wish many other could make a choice and follow through. This post made my day. I am glad you found out before there was more complications.


Exactly! Tenno...


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> Hey TAM. I posted a long time ago and finally...finaaaally I have screwed my head on straight. Drinking wine right now so if this initial post doesn't make too much sense I apologize.
> 
> My sister called me last night crying.
> 
> ...


Your sister should file a police report against him.
He has no boundaries and could actually rape someone else
This not a simple mistake etc, this is SERIOUS
If he is suicidal, that is not your problem. Cut off all contact and tell him seek professional help
He needs to spend time in jail


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Edmund said:


> From his viewpoint why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? He figures he isn't married so he's checking out other possibilities. You should be glad you dodged the bullet this time, not married, no kids. You need to mature some to determine when a future relationship is good enough to commit to. This one wasn't obviuosly.


Really? Not really. Had they been married and had three children, he would still have cheated.

Why? Because that's what he is.

It's probably not the first time he did this, but it's the first time he forgot not to try it on with his own sister-in-law.


----------



## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> .


Please don't take this the wrong way, but is it possible your sister might have led him on even unknowingly? It seems he was already touching her and sort of flirting, and maybe her never saying anything he thought he had a chance?

No excuse at all to act like he did thou, that was big time wrong in every way, even if he had a chance at all... He deserves punishment no doubt, but maybe also awareness here for your sister to never tolerate any touching or anything. I read it too many times where women allow men to do things like flirting or light touching and they are afraid of shutting it down and looking rude.... Good luck


Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> Just a question....is this a suggestion then that being engaged is not that worthwhile?


WHPC,

Engagement is akin to the Navy taking a new ship out on a "shake down cruise". Your fiance's Rudder fell off. Always a good thing to find out before going in Harms Way.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I'm glad you gave him the boot.

There is a type of guy that thinks that getting excited over a girl means something, it makes them dismiss all logic and just objectify the girl in question. It doesn't matter to them that they are engaged to someone, like the sister of their fiance, or any repercussions for being a jerk.

I think you encountered such a person.

He won't change. He sees women as merely objects for his use. He relies on their silence when he assaults them.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> Really? Not really. Had they been married and had three children, he would still have cheated.
> 
> Why? Because that's what he is.
> 
> It's probably not the first time he did this, but it's the first time he forgot not to try it on with his own sister-in-law.


Oh OK. Thanks for that clarification. I had no idea you know him that well. In fact, you seem to know more about him than his ex-fiance does.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

CantBelieveThis said:


> Please don't take this the wrong way, but is it possible your sister might have led him on even unknowingly? It seems he was already touching her and sort of flirting, and maybe her never saying anything he thought he had a chance?
> 
> No excuse at all to act like he did thou, that was big time wrong in every way, even if he had a chance at all... He deserves punishment no doubt, but maybe also awareness here for your sister to never tolerate any touching or anything. I read it too many times where women allow men to do things like flirting or light touching and they are afraid of shutting it down and looking rude.... Good luck
> 
> ...


Seriously?????????


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

CantBelieveThis said:


> Please don't take this the wrong way, but is it possible your sister might have led him on even unknowingly? It seems he was already touching her and sort of flirting, and maybe her never saying anything he thought he had a chance?
> 
> No excuse at all to act like he did thou, that was big time wrong in every way, even if he had a chance at all... He deserves punishment no doubt, but maybe also awareness here for your sister to never tolerate any touching or anything. I read it too many times where women allow men to do things like flirting or light touching and they are afraid of shutting it down and looking rude.... Good luck
> 
> ...





personofinterest said:


> Seriously?????????



There really isn't any right way to take this. You cannot blame a victim for what they endure.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

WhyHappyPeopleCheat said:


> My sister comes above any relationship.


You did the right thing, so I am nit-picking, but if he'd done this to someone you didn't like you still should dump him b/c you don't want a rapist in your life. 


> Also, WTF is up with people like this?


Someone asked one of the servicemen who tried to stop the My Lai massacre why the perpetrators did it. He said "Crazy, I guess."


> I have explained to my sister dozens of times it is not her fault, she has every right to feel violated, she is the most important person to me. I am sorry that I brought a person like him into her life.


It is good that you are standing by your sister, she needs you now. It is unfortunate, but you didn't know so don't blame yourself.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Edmund said:


> Oh OK. Thanks for that clarification. I had no idea you know him that well. In fact, you seem to know more about him than his ex-fiance does.


OK, Edmund. You win. The sister was obviously coming on to him and he could not help himself.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> The sister was obviously coming on to him and he could not help himself.



Again, you must have another source of information because nothing the OP posted in this thread even remotely suggests that. There is another commenter who suggested it, but it is just speculation.

I think I may have quoted the wrong comment, but I was confirming that I believe a years long, open-ended engagement with no wedding date planned is a bad idea. Obviously, the guy here was thinking he was not engaged any more, or maybe he is a super creep like you said. 

My wife and I were engaged for about 8 months before we married. That is about the right amount of time I think. We are celebrating 40 years anniversary this year.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Edmund said:


> Again, you must have another source of information because nothing the OP posted in this thread even remotely suggests that. There is another commenter who suggested it, but it is just speculation.
> 
> I think I may have quoted the wrong comment, but I was confirming that I believe a years long, open-ended engagement with no wedding date planned is a bad idea. *Obviously, the guy here was thinking he was not engaged any more, or maybe he is a super creep like you said. *
> 
> My wife and I were engaged for about 8 months before we married. That is about the right amount of time I think. We are celebrating 40 years anniversary this year.


It seems if he wasn't engaged any more, TS would have known and hopefully mentioned it.

Also, in post 14 he downplays hugging and tickling TS's sister by calling her "sister" which wouldn't make any sense if he and TS had split up. 

I fail to see what a lengthy engagement has to do w/ any of this.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Edmund said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> > The sister was obviously coming on to him and he could not help himself. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)" ></a>
> ...


YOU are why women are afraid to report sexual assault.


----------



## Aletta (Aug 7, 2017)

You are very lucky that you found out what kind of an idiot he is before things got more serious between you. Very lucky. 

But I'm so sorry this happened to your sister.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Edmund said:


> Again, you must have another source of information because nothing the OP posted in this thread even remotely suggests that. There is another commenter who suggested it, but it is just speculation.
> 
> I think I may have quoted the wrong comment, but I was confirming that I believe a years long, open-ended engagement with no wedding date planned is a bad idea. *Obviously, the guy here was thinking he was not engaged any more, or maybe he is a super creep like you said. *
> 
> My wife and I were engaged for about 8 months before we married. That is about the right amount of time I think. We are celebrating 40 years anniversary this year.



Are you really suggesting what I think you are? That somehow his perception of his commitment status even makes a difference here?

Look, I don't care if he was married, single, engaged or just recently come back from the dead. He status doesn't matter. 

In NO UNIVERSE is it acceptable to push his erection into a woman and try to pull down her pants without permission. So, his perception of his "relationship status" doesn't even enter into it!!

Really, where is your mind at on this??


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Edmund said:


> Again, you must have another source of information because nothing the OP posted in this thread even remotely suggests that. There is another commenter who suggested it, but it is just speculation.
> 
> I think I may have quoted the wrong comment, but I was confirming that I believe a years long, open-ended engagement with no wedding date planned is a bad idea. Obviously, the guy here was thinking he was not engaged any more, or maybe he is a super creep like you said.
> 
> My wife and I were engaged for about 8 months before we married. That is about the right amount of time I think. We are celebrating 40 years anniversary this year.


Nothing to do with the op, but I don't get why so many people today have these massive years long engagements. Its as if they are sort of 'claiming' the other person, but not prepared to commit. Its supposed to be the time when you are preparing for marriage and the wedding. We were engaged for only 2 months. 
I know a couple who have been together for years, they have a child of 4, and have been engaged for years as well. She wants to get married but he doesn't. Well why did you get engaged then?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> YOU are why women are afraid to report sexual assault.


Indeed.

The sister did nothing wrong. She was the victim in this.

Now, here's an observation. If the fiancee had stolen $200 from the purse of the sister, would anyone blame the sister?

Funny how some people treat stolen sex and stolen money so differently, isn't it?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Edmund said:


> Again, you must have another source of information because nothing the OP posted in this thread even remotely suggests that. There is another commenter who suggested it, but it is just speculation.
> 
> I think I may have quoted the wrong comment, but I was confirming that I believe a years long, open-ended engagement with no wedding date planned is a bad idea. Obviously, the guy here was thinking he was not engaged any more, or maybe he is a super creep like you said.
> 
> My wife and I were engaged for about 8 months before we married. That is about the right amount of time I think. We are celebrating 40 years anniversary this year.


You missed the sarcasm in my comment. Hence the rolling eyes.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I hope the OP informed his parents about what he was up to in their home.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> YOU are why women are afraid to report sexual assault.



I take extreme offense at this remark. You don’t know me.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Are you really suggesting what I think you are? That somehow his perception of his commitment status even makes a difference here?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



They were engaged for “many years”. If OP did not see evidence of this type of behavior in all that time then the guy must have changed from who she thought her fiancé was, or hidden it very well. I am suggesting he no longer valued OP or the engagement and just wanted to have sex with the sister. His actions, as described, would be considered sexual assault.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> You missed the sarcasm in my comment. Hence the rolling eyes.



OK. I thought you were claiming that the sister lead the guy on. I never suggested that, that was another poster.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> Indeed.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yes the sister was innocent in this, and was the victim. Why do you people think I ever said otherwise? You are confusing me with another poster!


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

I went and read OP’s previous post from last September. That explains a lot. More red flags than a communist parade. OP should have dumped him back then.
@MattMatt I may owe you an apology, if you read the previous thread, there is more info there about OP’s fiancé, enough for you to make a judgement on his character.

Posters who disparaged me, you are confusing me with @CantBelieveThis in post #40. I never said the sister led the guy on. @personofinterest you owe me an apology.

Basically the story is this. The guy is Latino, but for some reason has an inferiority complex. He regards OP as a trophy, not a future wife. He regards her as a pretty good trophy, but is always on the lookout to “upgrade”. He regards the ultimate as a white woman with blonde hair (this has something to do with his culture of origin), while OP is white with dark features. They had a long history of him hurting her by constantly comparing her to other women. They nearly broke up several times. OP isn’t naive as she seems. She went with him to strip club, lap dance etc. OP tried to satisfy some of his fantasies but refused to dye her hair blonde as he requested. SunCMars of all people figured this out in the previous thread.

I got into the length of the engagement, 2 years, because OP asked me for my opinion on engagement. My answer was essentially engagements are good, but should have an expiration date.


----------

