# Bills and dealing with husbands wants



## on again-off again wife (Mar 25, 2010)

I need some comparatives...please.

Ladies, Have you dealt with an issue with say the cable bill and your husband has to have a big box in the bedroom as well as in the basement?

Here's the scoop: Our money is seperate, I pay the utilities and my car pmt. and my half of the mtg., my husband pays his car pmt, food, kids orthodontist bills, his half of the mtg., etc.

He thinks it's okay to order a new box and jack up the bill that I pay because he wants it, without any discussion-just telling me this is what he's doing.

He has offered to pay the bill but quite honestly he doesn't have the money or the diligence to pay the bills, the ones he has are late more times than not.

So, my question is this acceptable to the wives out there or am I crazy?


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Well, although we don't deal with our bills the same way you do, I think that a decision that affects monthly bills should be discussed.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

It really depends on how you two handled it as a couple in the past. In our house everything is shared, so I can't really help with should he have asked aspect. I would think that he would ask when he is changing the amount of your bill, but has this happened before with anything??


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

With either scenario, what do you expect the outcome will be? I think that should be your question because it could lead you into a decision. The way I see it, you feel disrespected that he didn't discuss this with you. You furthermore would be the one who has to pay the bill. But if you refuse, then you are telling him what he can or cannot do when technically he should be able to live as comfortably as he wants. I just don't see this as a matter of you telling him he cannot do something. That is because I don't agree that either spouse has the right to do that. Do you really think it is okay to tell him "You cannot have the cable box!" He is not your child. And, you have an out since he offered to pay the cable bill so he can be comfortable with what he wants. I think it would be better if you learn to pick your battles, so take the out and turn the bill over to him. You can't complain about everything, and you can't disagree with every possible solution. Your reasons notwithstanding, being disagreeable is counterproductive. It is simply too easy to concede on this. In the meanwhile, sit him down and have a good finances discussion. Show him where he cannot afford the additional expense. If he can't be convinced, then take him to a financial planner. That's a great idea for your future together as well.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You could just switch one of the bills so that he assumes responsibility for the cable bill. Make sure the names on the accounts are changed. 

Anything affecting the family budget--regardless of who pays it--would, I think, be better off discussed first. Even kids should be brought in for age-appropriate discussions/input. 

One thing that worked really well in my (now-defunct) marriage was a rule we both followed: no spending over XX without discussion. That completely eliminated the impulse buying that can kill a budget and kept us making financial decisions together. Choose a dollar amount that is relatively conservative (our number started at $25 when we first got married). Anything that TOTALS that amount must be included--not just a single-item purchase. Thus, adding to a fixed expense (cable bill) a $10 service must be discussed b/c it will exceed $25 pretty darn quickly (you can put groceries in a "range," so the purchaser has some lee-way but can stay within budget). 

It's good to discuss and good that he recognized he should assume responsibility for the added expense. To prevent impulse spending, initiate some basic spending rule--after all, you are still a family and decisions made jointly will create bonds, if done with good communication. Acting as independent agents all the time creates, well, independent agents. Not good for remaining a happily intact married couple, really.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

> technically he should be able to live as comfortably as he wants


I'm not sure you meant to say this, Susan. Perhaps it should say, as comfortably as he "can afford," but even then, if he has chosen to marry and have kids, he has made decisions that affect how much $$ he can spend to live the life of Ryan 

I'd live a LOT more comfortably than I do if I didn't have to pay for it ;0

Rather than saying, "You cannot have the cable box," the better response would be, "How will we pay for the additional service?" At some point, different values may come into play--he wants the additional cable service, she believes that money should go to a college fund. Reaching an acceptable agreement in these moments becomes the basis of the marriage--good or bad. If one person is much less concerned about long-term goals than the other, serious problems can arise--because neither is "right." He may feel the kids need to pay for college themselves, for example, and he wants to provide a more comfortable existence for them (and himself) while they are still home. She may be more into frugal living so that the kids do not have to take out college loans. 

Beneath the immediate questions lurk the real issues, which is why calm and open discussion--long before a crisis, or even a conflict, is reached--needs to happen. Of course, at some point, you may find irreconcilable differences (aka "personal boundaries.")


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

LOL No, Sisters, I didn't mean that in general. Only as it applies to this <$15 added expense.

Sisters359 makes a good point. Another suggestion is he pays you the supplemental cost of the cable box.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

I helps curb irrational spending if you have a goal together that you are working towards. 

My big goal with my wife is retirement. I will periodically review our financial situation with her. I go to TROW PRICE where they have a retirement savings calculator and I show her that we need over 1 million maybe 1.5 mill to retire on. Neither of us wants to work forever. By periodically reviewing where we are vs where we need to be our attention gets pulled back to the end goal. 

Having a reason to save makes it easier not to spend. 

It sucks to be the saver while the spouse is a spender. good luck!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

It seems like I come from a different aspect than most repliers. I think it is irresponsible for him to add the 2nd box without asking you.. especially if the cable was "your bill". (I understand this concept)

Sounds like he doesn't care if he pays his bills late, and therefore doesn't think you should worry if you can't afford the whole cable bill.

Sounds like his offer of paying the bill is just an afterthought & not heartfelt, because he already knows he cant take on that bill.

I think he is childish & only thinking of the "now pleasure" & doesn't think about future. If you can, tell him no & that he has to take back the second box & get the cable bill reduce back to where it was.

No- it would NOT be acceptable to me.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Wow! I'd be really upset if my husband did that.

We don't work that way. We discuss everything together before making any changes on anything. I've been begging hubby to cut out the cable bill. It's something we really don't need. We need to cut back on a few things, so we will see. We are keeping track to see how much we are actually using the channels and watching tv. Usually the television is off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I'm not a lady, I'm a hubby and If that's your bill to pay and he jacked it up without your consent; He is wrong period.


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## Sweet Equity (Oct 14, 2011)

He should have discussed this with you first. I don't see a problem with adding a second box if you both want a second box. If you don't want the second box, maybe he could pay you the difference for it. Still, he should have talked to you about this before going ahead and charging up the bill. Whether you pay for things together or separately, it's still family money and decisions should be joint.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

You probably should have discussed it first. Your system may sort of predispose to a little me versus you. Just a thought. It seems a little less "shared responsibility" and you may just be a victim of trajedy of the commons.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

on again-off again wife said:


> I need some comparatives...please.
> 
> Ladies, Have you dealt with an issue with say the cable bill and your husband has to have a big box in the bedroom as well as in the basement?
> 
> ...


So should he get pissed if you decide to eat an unplanned midnight snack without discussing it with him first? I mean he does pay for the food and to eat extra would be making his bill higher. Or maybe you should beat him with a frying pan if he leaves a light on when he leaves the room because you do pay the utilities. A few extra dollars a month is not that big of a deal.


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