# Considering divorce



## iDo (Jun 22, 2010)

Hi, I am new to these forums and I have come here hoping I can get some good advice.

I have been married for 12 years and am in my mid 30s. My marriage has become a room mate situation and I just do not know what to do anymore. My husband has let himself go to the point where he is too fat for us to have sex. His hygiene is lacking too and this drives me crazy. Yet should I even attempt to raise the subject and he knocks me down and turns the blame all onto me regarding everything. He is very passive aggressive.

He is good with words and I am not so he manages to place the blame all the time, even at work he is good at it. Nothing is ever his fault, not even his weight problem. I am going to see a divorce lawyer tomorrow. I know he is going to try and make my life hell but thankfully there are no kids involved and no debt.

The sad thing is that I know we could be great together, but he has so many issues he is not willing to sort out I feel I have no choice. I too have issues, I admit that, but I do see a psychologist every month and have been doing so for the past three years. He will not hear of such a thing which makes things impossible at times.

He has no idea I am going to see the lawyer tomorrow and in fact I think he thinks all is fine. Talking to him is impossible too as he either shuts off or blames.

I guess I am unsure if I am making the right decision. My appointment tomorrow is to discuss my options as I am not working and I do not own a thing except a car. I will not be filing for divorce tomorrow, but it is coming sooner than I thought it would.

Anyone have any advice for me? Anyone married to a passive aggressive control freak? Any advice would be welcome.


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## losinglove (Dec 8, 2009)

Since he doesn't listen to you anyway, just say to him tonight or tomorrow as you are leaving "I'm going to see a lawyer." say nothing else, let him stew for a while.

You need to stand up for yourself. I am kind of like you, not good with words. If he tries to blame you for something don't let him do it. He is not taking responsibility for his own actions.

If you say to him "you weigh too much" and he starts blaming it on you just say something like "Yep I forced you so sit there and eat half that pizza." (Please note that the statement "you weigh too much" is what some call a Disrespectful judgment, which it is. See marriagebuilders.com for a better explanation.)


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

So, blame yourself. say "I am not attracted to you due to the weight you've put on over these past few years, I'm not happy, I have failed to voice my concerns and needs to you in a way that you could understand and as you won't seek counseling with me to help me do that for you, then I feel the only option I have left is to see an attorney."


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## Viper2 (Jun 21, 2010)

I have no idea why I'm getting divorced. We argue but not any more than others,no abuse but she will blame me for everything. I cant talk with her she will not let me finish a complete sentence before she interrupts me. She would call me names use very personal information and twist it into something negative. Its as if she lives in some other fantasy world. She listens to some of her friends who give very poor advice. She is willing to walk away and toss 11 years down the drain. I'm 56 she is 43 and it seems to me everything change just after she stopped taking the pill. All hell broke loose. You cant say anything to her about it. She comes over for sex and attends different outings with me. She has an appartment just up the street from me......I really dont know what gives???


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Hi Viper,

I'm not sure what this has to do with IDos post? But it sounds like perhaps your wife has been going through some changes since she quit taking the pill. See if she'll at least get into counseling with you.


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## dan_o (Jun 18, 2010)

ido- I agree with the other 2 posts. Show him how serious you are and maybe faced with losing you he will make some changes. If he's always thought he can get away with being a slob and letting himself go maybe the thought of losing you will change his ways, and if it doesn't then you'll know he really doesn't care about your marriage. I know its easy for us to say it then to do, but i think he needs to face the reality of losing you and see how he reacts.


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