# Ideas to take care of myself..



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

We each has what our counselor calls our "3 yr olds", basically our inner child that cries out when something is wrong. The part that makes us unrational despite what we know of to be rational. 

I am a chronic over achiever and co dependant. Basically my life motto is Hi I'm Niki and I don't do anything good enough, my husband is Hi I'm John and I screw things up. Hope you're glad to meet us.

The thing is since I was 8 I was taking care of other people, I was being the strong one because no one else was... I don't know HOW to take care of myself on an emotional basis. So please tell me what things you do so I can get some ideas. 

Thank you!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Find something that interests you such as gardening, reading, writing, ect and take some time out of your day to do this thing then increase the time you do this when you can. It could even be painting your nails, fixing up your hair, trying on new outfits, ect. Just start small and start thinking of you and what you like, need, want, ect. You can even make a list to help you determine if and when you want to do these things. You should do something with your hubby or have him do something like carving, making a boat, ect. Something little like that will give him more confidence in himself as will a little hobby you develop will give you confidence in yourself. Thats just my suggestion though.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Regular massage helps me immensely. So does regular exercise. I feel so much better about myself when I stick to doing 3 hours or more a week.

Creating things. I like to paint pictures, work with my photographs and photo books, create in my kitchen.

I also feel better when I make love to my hubby regularly.


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Yea, he needs work on himself... I think more than I do, but the counselor is working on that as well.

I have a lot of things I do, but a lot of them are starting to feel like chores when they used to be hobbies. I'm thinking about letting go of somethings, like selling out my chinchilla herd, to focus on some things instead of feeling spread so thin. I miss showing horses, I have a show horse, but feel like I never get time to ride. My husband is helping to take over yard work so I can feel like I have more time.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Riven -- yes, since you are an over-achiever, I think ditching a few hobbies is better advice than getting more. Give yourself permission to do nothing occasionally. Horseback riding sounds like something you really enjoy, so make it a priority and make time for it! Good luck!


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Thanks lamaga, I listed my herd for sale. I have about 120-150 animals at any given time depending on the number of kits I have. It's a show quality herd, and I have someone coming to look already this weekend with a couple other people interested all over the US. I show on a national level and have National award breeders who will back up the quality of my animals in my barn. My husband I think is excited, he is staying neutral at this time because he doesn't want his feeling to influence my choice on this. Basically he doesn't want me to come back and say " I did this for you and I didn't want to!". I decided to keep a breeding trio as pets in my office. This will allow me to focus more on my horses, not to mention probably save me quite a bit of money in the long run, lol. 

It was hard for me to say I was really going to do it, but now I'm so ready, I already feel like a large weight has been lifted! And lamaga... I don't know HOW to do nothing... I've tried, I always end up doing stuff. So I know that's an area where I need to work.  Hoping to take my horse to the arena today and get some practice in, my mom's horse is at the trainers and we're going to attend shows together again. We used to show almost every weekend, but somewhere we stopped, she remarried, I graduated...

Thanks everyone for ideas and advice!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I used to be you. Took counseling to get me to heal from childhood wounds which caused me to behave this way. 

The first step is to learn how to do nothing and to quit being a perfectionist. I'm an overachiever too. I kept working at this in therapy until one day the lightbulb just came on and I got it!!

Now what I do is list out my priorities and make sure I spend time on that instead of rescuing others (including my husband) and doing things that if I'm honest with myself I truly don't want to do. Takes some effort but it's totally worth it.


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Thanks Mavash. I feel like I've been neglecting things that I normally do, but I've been trying to do more things I like to do. I just tell myself that I'm not the only person who lives in this house, why should I be the only person who cleans it? I'm not the only person who wears clothes, why should I be the only one washing them... 

This morning I spent some time getting ready for some people to come look at chinchillas and get some debts settled, I have a buyer coming this weekend, these people are friends who I have some animals of theirs or I owe them animals so they are coming to get theirs before the potential buyer comes. But once I get done typing this I'm going out for a ride, then to the store! Yeah!


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