# Highs and lows



## Sammy21 (Mar 25, 2014)

I am dealing with an array of emotions on a daily basis. When iM in work i miss my stbx dearly, want to call him contpstantly but k domt... When im home with the kids i feel like im on a high and dont want him back. When im alone at night i miss him badly and am on a low wondering what hes doing..

When i have a day off and spend it with friends i am on SUCH a high and cant imagine life with him.. Yet the second im by myself i crash and am back to feeling low and missing him..

Is this normal? I asked my therapist if im bipolar and she asked me a whole bunch of other questions which i answered no so she said no im not bipolar.. I def feel it and would love to be medicated or something for it. The constant crsshing really sucks. Its almost not worth being happy and excited for that bad negative feeling..


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Standard operating procedure.

Sorry, but what you are experiencing is more common than not.

Keep working your way through it, the highs and lows will continue to flatten out. It takes a lot of time. One positive I would point out is that you have any highs at all. Having any positive time is a great sign of healing in my opinion.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

We've all ridden the roller coaster, it's aptly named. Over time the ride begins to straighten out but out of the blue, there is always a chance for a loop to loop.

That's sounds crazy I admit


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

How much time?????


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## hitbyabrick (Nov 14, 2013)

indiecat said:


> How much time?????


Pretty sure it's going to vary person to person. But it doesn't just all of a sudden level out. Happens gradually.

At some point you find yourself thinking "Hey, I've actually felt pretty good for x amount of time, how did that happen?"

Maybe at first you realize it's been a day, later 2, eventually 3, and so on. After a while when you're back on the roller coaster, the highs aren't so high & the lows aren't so low. It starts leveling out, just takes time.


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## myfutureisgone (Mar 4, 2014)

I used to love roller coaster rides. This one is no fun at all. But it does get better with time. The peaks and valleys are slowly getting further apart. 
I wish there was a magic number, you have to crash into bitter lows X number of times to get off this ride. Unfortunately, this is a ride with blinders, no way to tell what is around the next corner or when you will be let off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I would say you could get back to functional in 3-6 months and lingering ups and downs for 2-5 years.

For example, went to a funeral back in Massachusetts yesterday in the town where my WAS met and lived for 10 years. 

Totally flooded with emotions and memories until I got bacl to FLA last night and still a little emotional today.

I have been separated for 18 months.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

The time depends on the person and the efforts they put into healing and rebuilding. 

It IS a roller coaster. You WILL have ups and down. How you handle them is the important part. 

Observe how you act when feeling down. If you do things you don't like during those times, take small steps (one at a time) to change them rather than trying to avoid the downs. They are unavoidable. 

Don't hide from it. Accept it, and process in a way that is helpful for you.


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## AMcKineth (Apr 6, 2014)

I would say that it's normal. I'm going through a divorce and it sounds like me during the day.

If I'm occupied I'm fine. I do great while immersed in an activity or thinking of great future plans, etc. I'm feeling your high.

If I'm analyzing my relationship in a logical way or my STBXH actions with someone, I'm also doing decent. However, I find I have to work through emotions of sadness, indifference, anger, etc. when I think about what he's doing.

However, when I think about "us" or how it was before, I'm incredibly sad. It can come on in an instant, even when writing a forum post, and I always tear up. This happens more when I'm not busy or in the morning when I wake up and don't have anything to think about besides that I'm alone.

The lingering ghost of the past and how I felt back then and knowing I won't have it again with him is what gets me. Logically I know I'm better off alone then with him, but those emotions are still there.

Also, when I went to IC this week and my counselor asked me to talk about how I was emotionally I didn't know what else to do so I explained how I was in each situation. Just talking about it brought out the respective emotions. Afterwards he told me he was watching my face while hearing me talk about it and seeing my different reactions. While the roller-coaster isn't fun, he told me this is completely normal.

Hope that helped somewhat and just remember you're not alone in trying to get off the ride.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Seems completely normal from my perspective. Hang in there-it's bound to even out as time goes on.


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