# is this common?



## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I met with a lawyer this week and hired her to start the divorce. I told stbx that evening when I was on the phone with him. He became very angry and hung up on me. He says he feels betrayed because I didn't tell him about the appointment beforehand. I think he thought we would to together. Says he now knows how I felt when he cheated on me (um, no you don't). Is so angry he won't talk to me and is going into some weird survival action. It's been a year since we were headed this way, 10 months since I found out he cheated and 4 months since we physically separated although mentally it's been longer.

I think he's terrified not that it's real, think he thought I would never do it. Now that I have, he's terrified so he's using anger.

Am I right? Other thoughts? Even though I thought he knew this was coming bc I've discussed ending things, bc we have to spend time together on sat (son wrestles) we get along. He thought that meant things were better maybe?

Should I have told him I was going before I did? And to be clear, I haven't filed yet but have started the ball rolling so he hasn't been served.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would not discuss your future plans with your stbxh. 

My ex h cheated also and I left. I did not have contact with my ex h about the divorce and my plans. I'm sure he knew it coming though. He would do his best to avoid the sheriff or anyone coming to his door to be served. This would cost me money each time he didn't answer the door.

My ex h did not want to divorce, but he had another woman move in just 3 days after I left. He was angry, he want his cake and to eat it too. He begged, pleaded, yelled and ultimately said everything was my fault. He said I made him cheat as well. In fact he still blames me for his miserable life 19 years later. You think he'd eventually move on. It was actually quite easy to leave and move on with my life.

Personally, I wouldn't have contact with a stbx and I'd move on with my life. My ex was trying to stop the divorce, which would of cost me more money in the long run. He did not get a lawyer, but I did. I did not want my ex h at the hearing since he was threatening to contest against the divorce(with his gf by his side). My ex h was so angry that he retaliated against me. My ex h also tried to control my every move, which he failed miserably.

My ex did marry his gf that moved in right after I left. He has cheated on her several times(he brags about these other women). His wife seems to put up with it and his horrid behavior.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

If the two of you had been actively working on the marriage or if you had never spoken of divorce, I would have said you were wrong. But as neither of those were the case, I’d say you were within your rights.


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

He cheated. So no do what you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ImperfectMomma said:


> I met with a lawyer this week and hired her to start the divorce. I told stbx that evening when I was on the phone with him. He became very angry and hung up on me. He says he feels betrayed because I didn't tell him about the appointment beforehand. I think he thought we would to together. Says he now knows how I felt when he cheated on me (um, no you don't). Is so angry he won't talk to me and is going into some weird survival action. It's been a year since we were headed this way, 10 months since I found out he cheated and 4 months since we physically separated although mentally it's been longer.
> 
> I think he's terrified not that it's real, think he thought I would never do it. Now that I have, he's terrified so he's using anger.
> 
> ...


Do you want him back?


----------



## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

Finally, no. It has taken a very long time but I am finally in a place to move on. I hate that this is my life but I want better, deserve better. I'm ready to move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

ImperfectMomma said:


> Finally, no. It has taken a very long time but I am finally in a place to move on. I hate that this is my life but I want better, deserve better. I'm ready to move on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And there is nothing is nothing to gain by holding on by a thread.

File for D.

For you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

