# I tried hard on my marriage. Look at my past posts. But April 1st, wife cheated.



## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

April 1st this year my wife was acting really strange when I got back from a brief trip to visit my sister and her family. Very offish, much more than usual. I couldn't sleep so I made her explain what was going on. Turns out she had been having a 6 month long affair. Any time I'd go on a business trip her new lover would visit her.

I've been working very hard on this marriage for 11 years. Every couple of months I would bring up our relationship, ask how I'm doing and try to talk about the future. She would never budge on talking about the future even slightly, which is obviously a huge problem. I began to feel terrified of the future. She's 39, I'm 35, and we have never tried to have kids (never threw away contraception). I want to courageously DECIDE to have children I don't want to just roll the dice like apparently most people are comfortable with. she was not comfortable with CHOOSING to try to have children and that she couldn't look at the future the same way with me made me feel very alone indeed.

By the time she cheated I was already totally resigned, sad, alone and depressed. So I suggested divorce the instant she told me she cheated. We both wanted out, so she made it easy on me. I just can't believe I tolerated this behavior for 11 years.

It's sad though because despite some very big problems in the marriage, there was a lot of good, too.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Use her apparent willingness to divorce is a blessing in disguise. Use this to get a good deal. You are right to get rid of an unrepentant cheater. She's been gone for quite a while, just didn't let you in on it.

You are young and she is verging on middle age. Find that good woman and mother that is out there wishing she could find you. **** old sour puss!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I would imagine that a huge weight has come off your shoulders. Its a burden when you are the only one trying to make a marriage work. I am sorry this happened to you, but I am not sorry that now you are free to find your happy. Take some time to get to know yourself again without carrying the entire weight of your marriage.


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## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

skerzoid said:


> Use her apparent willingness to divorce is a blessing in disguise. Use this to get a good deal. You are right to get rid of an unrepentant cheater. She's been gone for quite a while, just didn't let you in on it.
> 
> You are young and she is verging on middle age. Find that good woman and mother that is out there wishing she could find you. **** old sour puss!


Yes, after a brief hiatus that is precisely whom I am going to begin looking for :laugh: I have never actually lived on my own as a single man; I went straight from living with my parents in college to living with my soon to be ex wife. So it'll be good to be out on my own finally at 35. Right now, a divorced 35 yo in his teen bedroom playing Dr. Mario I doubt is very attractive to many women. lmao


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You are still young, best to find out now. 

Oh and BTW most couples do carefully plan when they have children and don't leave it to chance.


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## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> You are still young, best to find out now.
> 
> Oh and BTW most couples do carefully plan when they have children and don't leave it to chance.


She comes from a poorer background; it seems most people in her extended family did the dice rolling approach...


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I am so sorry for your pain and the loss of your dream--you worked hard, but it takes two. Sounds like she has been resistant for quite a while. Shame she was not honest with you long ago, but now--when it is time-- gather what you have learned and step toward a future with beautiful possibilities!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

onceler1 said:


> Right now, a divorced 35 yo in his teen bedroom playing Dr. Mario I doubt is very attractive to many women.


Verily, I say unto you, that a divorced 35yo who plays Dr. Mario would be considered a PRINCE among men by some women who live with abusive, stay-drunk-and-high, spend-the-groceries-and-half-the-rent guys they are stuck to.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

onceler1 said:


> She comes from a poorer background; it seems most people in her extended family did the dice rolling approach...


OH ok, not a good idea is it.


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## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

TJW said:


> Verily, I say unto you, that a divorced 35yo who plays Dr. Mario would be considered a PRINCE among men by some women who live with abusive, stay-drunk-and-high, spend-the-groceries-and-half-the-rent guys they are stuck to.


I imagined Sir Didymus from Labyrinth saying this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Make sure it runs swiftly and smoothly. Don't want her changing her mind.

And get tested for STDs too.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Thank goodness there are no children involved. 

Take a look at "No more Mr Nice Guy".


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

onceler1 said:


> April 1st this year my wife was acting really strange when I got back from a brief trip to visit my sister and her family. Very offish, much more than usual. I couldn't sleep so I made her explain what was going on. Turns out she had been having a 6 month long affair. Any time I'd go on a business trip her new lover would visit her.
> 
> I've been working very hard on this marriage for 11 years. Every couple of months I would bring up our relationship, ask how I'm doing and try to talk about the future. She would never budge on talking about the future even slightly, which is obviously a huge problem. I began to feel terrified of the future. She's 39, I'm 35, and we have never tried to have kids (never threw away contraception). I want to courageously DECIDE to have children I don't want to just roll the dice like apparently most people are comfortable with. she was not comfortable with CHOOSING to try to have children and that she couldn't look at the future the same way with me made me feel very alone indeed.
> 
> ...


'm sorry.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

onceler1 said:


> Yes, after a brief hiatus that is precisely whom I am going to begin looking for :laugh: I have never actually lived on my own as a single man; I went straight from living with my parents in college to living with my soon to be ex wife. So it'll be good to be out on my own finally at 35. Right now, a divorced 35 yo in his teen bedroom playing Dr. Mario I doubt is very attractive to many women. lmao


Very common.... I lived at home while in college and moved in with my future W a year and half after

graduation. Living alone.....at first will make you a bit depressed. But give it six months. You will

cherish it. I went from having to tip-toe around the house when XW wanted to go to sleep with 

the chickens, to staying up until 2AM, sorting through vintage baseball cards, eating lasagna in my 

underwear in the bedroom, watching a West Coast baseball game. I F'ing loved it.

No damn female crap in the bathroom, bras hanging from a chair, no damn pink fuzzy slippers.

Several years passed and I met someone. We now live together but I only room by room,

gave up all my 100% guy home. 

Once.....get this D behind you ASAP. If she's on board with everything it can be done in no time.

Be sure and give her the damn bed. If she don't take it, burn it. It's a process.... some days you will

feel more depressed than others but they will get better. And when it's time, you will meet the 

right person who will make your STBXW's 11 years.....just a bump in the road of your life story.


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