# Ladies & Gents, I need help



## BrokenWoman70 (Apr 7, 2014)

I have been separated from my husband of 5 years for 4 months now. He is extremely mentally abusive to me (Never Physical). I cant do anything right or to his standards. He threw a massive fit bc I bought him the lunchable with the wrong cookie in it  He tells me I am gorgeous and he loves me, then tells me I am trashy and I humiliate him. Our adult kids are a HUGE issue, he is so jealous of my sons, it eats at him. His sons are both losers and don't work and only want money from him...which he hands over like its candy. He is mentally abusive to my 5 yr old grandson all bc he is jealous that I pay my grandson more attention or I love my grandson more. He only wants sex on his terms and tells me I insult him when I ask for it. Thing is I LOVE HIM. I have a male co-worker that is crazy about me and would spoil me rotten and love me without any conditions...but I cant seem to get over loving my husband. The divorce papers are written up and ready to be filed, but I haven't done it yet. My son told me that if I go back to him again, that I will never see my grandkids again (they are my reason for living). What do I do...can he change or will he remain mentally abusive to me??? He got medication back in December but we still have WW3 every couple weeks over something if we are talking. Should I move on or try again? I'm broken and torn.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What's he doing to try to change the behaviors that are a problem for you? Does he acknowledge that there are issues?

Yes, people can change. But it's hard, even when the person really wants to change. And to be honest, you've given no indication that your husband wants to change. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrokenWoman70 (Apr 7, 2014)

he went and got on OCD/ADHD disorder medication back in December, but he still acts the same. He says he WANTS to change, and is great for a couple days then BAM!!! he's right back to the belittling me, and ranting & raving about everything. 
Then he tells me he's sorry and starts playing mind games with me, making me feel like I am in the wrong. He is mean, I mean MEAN when he's on his tyrades. But when he's nice he's awesome nice. Last week I was in the dollar store and he came and stole my car out of the parking lot, leaving me afoot, with no phone (he had it shut off) and I had to walk a lil over a mile in 2inch heels to my sons house to get a ride home.....all bc I didn't answer my phone when he wanted to talk to me. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if he will ever change. I am so torn because I love him...I just hate the man that I know he becomes when things aren't going his way.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What's he doing besides the drugs, to try to change? Therapy? Counselling? 

C


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## BrokenWoman70 (Apr 7, 2014)

No, he isn't doing any therapy. Do you think marriage counseling will help? We went once before but he got upset at the counselor and we quit (way before any medications) I am so willing to try anything.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Basically, it seems like he's not willing to do any work in resolving the issues. Until he buys into committing fully, your relationship (and life) isn't going to change for the better. And there's no reason for him to do anything different, until you start laying out (and enforcing) boundaries. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mmdog60 (Apr 3, 2014)

He needs to know the severity of the problem. I think you give it a shot and force some counseling. If he refuses it's over. I would not sink too much more time in if he is not willing to admit faults and seek counseling to help, but give it a shot. I know you love him and it is hard but you do not deserve to be abused...you are a human being! You are afraid because Todd or bad or good and bad...he is what you know. But if he refuses to work with you in this last ditch effort, move on you will find peace and you will be ok. Sounds to me like the central part of your life are the kids and grand kid which are great motivators to getting you in the right direction.


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