# Got a letter from the OW



## barcodelabelhere (Mar 24, 2014)

I think this is my fault, since I came back to TAM recently...I must have Beetlejuiced the OW.

Anyway...short version of my story - separation last April after I found out and confronted about an affair between my partner and another woman. My partner moved out that day. We are still sorting through financial details and stuff like that. 

And, because we're all women and women are ridiculous, we still see each other from time to time, including playing on the same soccer team. 

The ex sent me a text two days ago giving me a 'heads up' that the OW was going to send me a letter. The heads up was typically cowardly and last minute, because the letter had actually already arrived when I got the text. But that's another story.

The letter was the exact type of self-serving bulls%&t that you would expect. Laughable, really. However. Aside from making me angry at the presumption that I want anything from the OW or that she is even allowed to elbow her way back into my life in any tiny aspect at all, it has (obviously) triggered all kinds of things going back to the cheating and all of it.

My first question is whether this has happened to anyone else. The second is what did you do in response. 

The third is who wants to come to my bonfire party this weekend?


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

barcodelabelhere said:


> My first question is whether this has happened to anyone else. The second is what did you do in response.
> 
> The third is who wants to come to my bonfire party this weekend?


1. Yes.
2. Ignore the hell out of it. She is trying to get a rise out of you. The best defense is simply not being on the battlefield. Let her stew and wonder if there will be some shock or drama...then provideher with none.

Use that letter to start the bonfire and send your ex a picture of it...or not.

3. Bonfire party? Im in!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First off, where's the bonfire party? Count me in for the chips and queso!

But seriously, it's my take that the letter from the OW is little more than some sort of self-serving justification for her actions in her cheating and absconding with your ex-partner!

And one thing that you certainly won't find in that letter of hers is the first scintilla of true remorse; even if she said so! After all, she got what she was after, all while you got the shaft!

If that letter has any substantive value, then it and 50 cents would buy you a hot cup of coffee, greatly provided that the coffee was priced at half-a-buck!*


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

barcodelabelhere said:


> My first question is whether this has happened to anyone else. The second is what did you do in response.


I haven't experienced this but I recommend not even responding. Your silence to her will say everything. And she will feel like a jacka$$. 

Did she mail it to you? 



barcodelabelhere said:


> The third is who wants to come to my bonfire party this weekend?


I'm in. I'll bring the beer.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

no response to her will leave them guessing and burn them for even trying contact. This would be the best move.

I will bring the wings and the Jack, Jim, and Johnny


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Always remember, cheaters lie.
They blameshift and justify their poor behavior.

My ex's OW(s) never attempted to contact me, but we didn't exactly play together.

Absolutely in for the bonfire! I think I might just have more things to add to the pile.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Keep the letter, though. Imagine how generous the Karma bus will be when someone is looking for a reference on her.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

wmn1 said:


> no response to her will leave them guessing and burn them for even trying contact. This would be the best move.
> 
> I will bring the wings and the Jack, Jim, and Johnny


This is why the silence in this case will be golden. 

1. She probably spent a lot of time thinking of which words to string together to get it "just right" and had your ex proof it for her to get the "ok" on it. You not responding is kind of like a silent slap in the face to her.

2. You show that you, frankly, my dear, don't give a damn. 

Win-win.


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## barcodelabelhere (Mar 24, 2014)

Yeah, I'm 95% sure I'm not going to respond. It's tempting, though. But nothing to be gained from it. I don't need her occupying any more space in my head.

Best part of the letter was the two paragraphs going on about how she's such an honest person and values honesty above all else.

I have some quality Glens that also enjoy bonfires.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

You play on the same soccer team!!

Will you get carded if you take out your own team mate with a studs high slide tackle?


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

barcodelabelhere said:


> But nothing to be gained from it. I don't need her occupying any more space in my head.


You have some great responses here, but none better than your own. ;-)

Consider me RSVP'd for the bonfire, too.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

C'mon put the letter on here. You know you want to do it......


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lol, NextTimeAround.


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## barcodelabelhere (Mar 24, 2014)

VermisciousKnid said:


> You play on the same soccer team!!
> 
> Will you get carded if you take out your own team mate with a studs high slide tackle?


Actually, funnily enough, I headbutted her at soccer a few weeks ago. Totally unintentional (although she made some funny jokes about it not being unintentional). But I left her with a black eye for a week. Like a serious shiner. Whoops


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## barcodelabelhere (Mar 24, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> C'mon put the letter on here. You know you want to do it......


It's three pages of garbage that you could probably predict if you tried. Not subjecting all you kind people to that!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Three pages? That probably took her forever to write and re-write.

Do not respond.

It will be the ultimate f-ck you to her.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

barcodelabelhere said:


> Yeah, I'm 95% sure I'm not going to respond. It's tempting, though. But nothing to be gained from it. I don't need her occupying any more space in my head.
> 
> Best part of the letter was the two paragraphs going on about *how she's such an honest person and values honesty above all else*.
> 
> I have some quality Glens that also enjoy bonfires.


This OW was absent the day humanity & self-awareness were passed out. 

Self Deception in Literature


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## 'CuseGal (Feb 5, 2015)

Yup. M ex's last OW before we divorced sent me a letter stating that he didn't love me the way he loved her and that if I was a decent person I would let him go so he could be with her. She also had the nerve to tell me that he had told her he didn't think our kids were actually his which was a crock of sh*t.

Stupid OW. I was able to use that letter against my ex in court to prove that he was cheating. Better yet, he's long since moved on from her so she got her come-uppance in a BIG way. Yup, sure babe, he obviously loved you more than he loved me. That's why he treated you the exact same way he treated me.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Post it as an ad in your local newspaper. That would. E good for a laugh


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

barcodelabelhere said:


> I think this is my fault, since I came back to TAM recently...I must have Beetlejuiced the OW.
> 
> Anyway...short version of my story - separation last April after I found out and confronted about an affair between my partner and another woman. My partner moved out that day. We are still sorting through financial details and stuff like that.
> 
> ...



Have some fun.....say you've found someone better and deserve better and that person beig hot is just a bi-product.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

VermisciousKnid said:


> You play on the same soccer team!!
> 
> Will you get carded if you take out your own team mate with a studs high slide tackle?




I was thinking the same thing

or kicking for the ball and miss

I realize that women don't have testicles and those vaginas can take a real beating but it would still hurt


I agree with others don't respond, that would probably make her more mad especially since she spent time writing 3 pages


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I got one of those from a would-be OM....just last month. It's a strange tale about a high school boyfriend. Someone my wife knew/dated before we met....when she was 15. 

mid sept last year -wife hears from Old Boyfriend via email (we share an email for the house). She told me about it -I saw the email- pretty harmless...Hi, how are you...married? kids? etc. Wife was cordial...told him about our 24th anniversary coming up...oldest boys in college..catch up stuff.. and told me all about it. no big deal

Oct- sends her some more...doesn't know I see them. They turn into some kind of memory lane stroll. Wife responds to none of them. She starts to get creeped out. Apparently they only dated for a month...in 9th grade....

Nov- Emails keep coming.. start getting really strange....talking about true love...blah blah. They were meant to be together...Wife doesn't respond, starts to get really concerned. We decide to simply ignore- blocked his email address. 

Dec -Posing as an old Girlfriend of my wife, becomes facebook friend.....Starts posting 26 year old pictures of them together at some school dance...Starts making making references to "Endless Love"...wife had seen the movie...she was creeped out...I had read the book...really spooky. After a week of this..Wife deletes facebook account. She starts to look pretty stressed, trouble sleeping, jumpy. 

Jan- Creepy guy starts sending me email at work....how I'm abusing her...by keeping her from seeing him...I don't understand their connection...etc...At this point I can't just do nothing...I reply...being polite but firm- telling him enough- no more- get a life. 

Late Jan ----He replies to me...copies my wife...says he is coming to rescue her / bringing his daughter/ they get to go live happily ever after. 

That was it for me. Called the cops (not much help), spent $500 bones...got a PI, found out all about him....and his wife. Printed everything he had sent, facebook screen shots, police report my wife had filed, a letter my wife wrote to his wife... a nice package, if i don't say so myself, .. to her workplace. She got it. She called my wife and I...very embarrassed very apologetic, as if it was her fault...gave us the background. I feel for this lady...I mean Damn. 

He's a very bad, very nuts dude. This wasn't his first time doing this. 

So far haven't heard anything. So i guess the moral is....We did nothing at first....and it kept going. I still don't know what the right thing to do at first would have been...I suggest only that you play it safe. The world is a spooky place.


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

'CuseGal said:


> Yup. M ex's last OW before we divorced sent me a letter stating that he didn't love me the way he loved her and that if I was a decent person I would let him go so he could be with her. She also had the nerve to tell me that he had told her he didn't think our kids were actually his which was a crock of sh*t.
> 
> Stupid OW. I was able to use that letter against my ex in court to prove that he was cheating. Better yet, he's long since moved on from her so she got her come-uppance in a BIG way. Yup, sure babe, he obviously loved you more than he loved me. That's why he treated you the exact same way he treated me.


Cheating douche bags are convincing liars. My WW thought OM cared for her. When it all blew up he begged his wife not to divorce him. Said my wife was too dumb and easily tricked for him to ever have feelings for and that she was just a piece of meat to him. That's not the BS he was feeding her so that she'd drop her pants for him for almost a year.


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

MarriedDude said:


> I got one of those from a would-be OM....just last month. It's a strange tale about a high school boyfriend. Someone my wife knew/dated before we met....when she was 15.
> 
> mid sept last year -wife hears from Old Boyfriend via email (we share an email for the house). She told me about it -I saw the email- pretty harmless...Hi, how are you...married? kids? etc. Wife was cordial...told him about our 24th anniversary coming up...oldest boys in college..catch up stuff.. and told me all about it. no big deal
> 
> ...



This is a good lesson in nipping things in the bud. Don't let them fester.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

barcodelabelhere said:


> The letter was the exact type of self-serving bulls%&t that you would expect. Laughable, really. However. Aside from making me angry at the presumption that I want anything from the OW or that she is even allowed to elbow her way back into my life in any tiny aspect at all


I'd have simply replied something to the effect of:

"You must be under the assumption that you measure up to 2 squirts of piss in my world. Do not contact me again. You are garbage."


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Damn, MarriedDude! Kinda reminds me of a precursor to Fatal Attraction!*


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Hope this is the last letter that you get from her.

Ask your ex if she is still up to playing soccer and shouldn't she retire?

Or find another soccer league. Hope you get some peace, but you are in a better place without her.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *Damn, MarriedDude! Kinda reminds me of a precursor to Fatal Attraction!*


It was/is pretty surreal. A peak into the thoughts of someone not quite in touch with reality. 

We feel for his wife and daughter. The amount of energy he put into the fantasy of Ms.MarriedDude was pretty staggering. Then to find out that she was not the only target...but one of several. I think the fantasy or delusion keeps a man like that from seeing and realizing the joy of the family he has right in front of him -and blinds him to the pain he is inflicting -maybe worse than the "fog" often described here. I can't really imagine being so preoccupied with people/relationships/events from sooooo long ago....I mean the occasional memory flash of that first step into a girls bedroom...sure...those were fun days because it was all so new. 

Forever ago when I still worked in Mediation, I almost daily saw the end result of years of resentment, infidelity (all kinds), abuse, and so on. But the affect of mental illness (which it kinda seems like here) on a spouse...that was quite crushing, almost painful to watch. 

It's a damn strange world out there. Damn Strange


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

MarriedDude said:


> It was/is pretty surreal. A peak into the thoughts of someone not quite in touch with reality.
> 
> We feel for his wife and daughter. The amount of energy he put into the fantasy of Ms.MarriedDude was pretty staggering. Then to find out that she was not the only target...but one of several. I think the fantasy or delusion keeps a man like that from seeing and realizing the joy of the family he has right in front of him -and blinds him to the pain he is inflicting -maybe worse than the "fog" often described here. I can't really imagine being so preoccupied with people/relationships/events from sooooo long ago....I mean the occasional memory flash of that first step into a girls bedroom...sure...those were fun days because it was all so new.
> 
> ...


That guy definitely needs psychiatric help or a severe ass kicking. If you need this Marine's help on the latter, let me know. I've got a special kind of rage for men who go after married women.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

YES! A lebanesian bonfire!!!! Count me in sister. I'll bring the s'mores.

In these types of circumstances, I always go for silence. Silence can be a very powerful tool.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I personally think doing nothing is accepting her premise. I would put her on cheaterville.com and post the letter there for proof. But hey, when someone insults me its on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> I personally think doing nothing is accepting her premise. I would put her on cheaterville.com and post the letter there for proof. But hey, when someone insults me its on.


Or print copies up for everyone in the football team. Sorry, soccer team, I mean.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Use the letter to start the bon fire.

If jelly beans is bringing beer- I also saw smores, wings and some whiskey I think.

Please post a map to the party. If it is drivable for me, I'm in. 

Will bring food and and supplies for margaritas!


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Oh, and ignore the piss out of her. Do not give her the satisfaction of a response. She will be anxious in anticipation. Let her stew.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I'll prepare jacket potatoes, maybe make a bowl of chili,and some Lagunitas IPA.


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## NewLife2017 (Aug 16, 2014)

I just don't understand how someone could be so cruel. And sending that letter was clearly cruel and for the sole purpose of hurting you. I wouldn't respond at all but would keep it just in case you need it in the future. WTH is wrong with people? Thankfully, karma is b***h.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NewLife2017 said:


> I just don't understand how someone could be so cruel. And sending that letter was clearly cruel and for the sole purpose of hurting you. I wouldn't respond at all but would keep it just in case you need it in the future. WTH is wrong with people? Thankfully, karma is b***h.


Maybe, maybe not.

It could be cruel, or it could be her counsellor's batty and misguided idea of "obtaining closure" by confessing and explaining the situation to the wife of her lover.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Here is how I would respond:

Dear ??????,
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this situation to me. This letter has given me such an understanding and peace about what has happened. My sincere desire is that you experience the same effect when you read yours. Have a wonderful life.

Sincerely,
OP


The captain and I wouldn't miss a good fire. Roast pig anyone?


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

barcodelabelhere wrote

My first question is whether this has happened to anyone else. The second is what did you do in response. 
No no letter just face to face with other man, and second answer you play soccer (it's football but will let my American cousins away with it) just go in for next tackle over the ball that should be response enough.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'd say burn it at the bonfire but you have a good piece of evidence there. Never know when you may need it.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Keep the letter safe and if you are going to reply do so at your own leisure. they will be awaiting your response so let them stew in it a little first


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