# Lost intrest in marriage



## nomoreever (May 21, 2011)

I am not married but my post is about marriage. I thought i found the girl of my dreams and she said i was her dream man and after a year of love and dating she cheated on me with someone that i know. Its a long story that i don't want to detail here. But the thing is that person she cheated on with is one who told many lies about me and tried to make fun of me many times and she knows that, yet, she decided to cheat with him although he is 20 years older than her. Bottom line i could never have been humiliated and hurt by someone as she did me and the problem is she had no reason except as one friend told me is because you were tooo good to her and that is how ppl return the favor. 
this is not my post actually my post is about me now losing interest completely in marriage. I used to be the stupid type that believe in one and only and forever thing. Now i detest the idea and made a vow not to ever think about it or even talk about it. i am leaving my home and country of origin and migrating in a couple of weeks. i got a storm of criticism from everyone. and being from a religious background i kind of know this is wrong. But i just dont understand why people even marry or love others anymore. deep inside me i beleive now marriage is plain wrong and i know everyone knows that so why do they get married????????


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

I applaud you for walking. I had a similar experience back when I was dating the girl of my dreams and how did I deal with it - I married her anyway. I don't recommend that approach.

Walking away from her is a good call. Leaving the country is fine too. It's too early to get excited about the concept of marriage, understandably.

If you do think you may consider marriage or if you think you may fall in love with a girl who does believe in it I recommend you read these posts regularly. What do you see? A lot of us should have seen it coming, but we didn't know what to look for. We didn't realize where to draw the line because we weren't sure what was acceptable and / or what we deserve for ourselves.

The next time you fall in love: Are you going to sleep together before marriage? If yes, do you think you are the first she's slept with? Are you sure you are the last? Can you deal with that?

What does she like to do now? Go dancing with the girls and meet guys every Friday night? What makes you think she'll never want to do that again after she says "I do?"

Keep going down the line on the issues. Whatever you accept in the dating relationship and whatever you see them demonstrating as a value system - that's who you are getting. Meeting you doesn't change that. Falling in love with you and even marrying you doesn't change that.

Figure out what you do and don't want and don't settle. If they cross the line there are some things you forgive and other things you have to accept as part of who you chose. Sort that out before emotion takes over. 

Maybe that will lead you to stick with the "Marriage isn't for me" mantra. Maybe you'll figure out what you are looking for, actually find a person like that and be the one giving advice to the rest of us.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The only thing you learned from this experience is that one particular woman wasn't marriage material. There are millions more and you've got to toss a bunch of useless rocks before you find a diamond. A decent woman is hard to find, which is probably a good thing, cause it gives you an incentive to treat her right when you do find her.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It is a blessing you found out this BEFORE you married this woman, but please do not loose hope in what a good marraige can bring to one's life. 

There are plenty of women searching the globe for men just like you! cause they see all men as cheaters & have been cheated on carelessly. Not all women are like this girlfriend and surely NOT all men are like you. Please know this is fact, this is reality. They may be harder to find (no doubt), as Unbelievable says, but as surely as you have air in your lungs, they exist. 

If your dream is to marry, raise a family, & Be happy, it is attainable -if you don't give up hope, pray to meet the right one, go to places where moral women hang out, busy yourself with helping others, do all in your power to be a good respectable man, find this woman who shares your same values and faithfulness. Someone transparent in all things and in communcation.

Believe in your dreams. Do not allow another to derail your future & bury your hopes & trust in others- that gives her FAR TOO MUCH power in your life.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Not all women are like that. Read this board awhile and you will see there are good women out there. I think you are just hurting right now and that's fine. Heal from what happened and take it one day at a time. There is no rush to get into another relationship. I joke that I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. It's just part of the dating game sometimes.


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## nomoreever (May 21, 2011)

You see that is the problem. I have been looking for the good moral woman and this girl i was about to marry had a gang of friends that go every weekend to find guys to do you know what... but she did not. She was looking for the man of her dreams. At least that is what she made me believe at the beginning. She was gracious and moral and she don't even drink and never smoked (as far as i know lol) she believed in the fairy tale like i did (again as far as she told me). So she is or was the diamond among the rocks. And then.....It was just too cruel. I am sorry if i depressed anyone i know this topic hurts. I am just so scared of what i have become in a single few months. i am leaving all behind and becoming someone i always hated and made fun of. I think its all a punishment for being proud and seeing my self as better than others. Everyone wants to be happy and love ever after. Its just not there anymore.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

V so she won. She does not sound like a worthy adversary for a man as adventurous and as independent as you are in striking out on your own. But if you chose to let a woman of low character and a deceitful nature plunge you into misery I suppose it's your choice. 

I would expect a man like you to date to examine what happened and make sure you never let a woman of low character in your life again. Date at lest 5 woman before committing and learn to select well. Then get married and bring all of your skills to bear to make it a good marriage. She is too insignificant to change your life, you have too much to offer. 

You are allowed to be angry for a few weeks than take some time to heal and think of what made you blind to this type of deceptive woman for a life partner. Fix whatever it is and begin dating. Thank her in your mind for helping you develop as a man with better powers of discernment. She will not fair well, you should pity her. Learn to cull out the women who are not worth your time. 

While you are happily ensconced with the one you love, she will still be searching. This old cheater sounds like his character is as low as her's. One will end up cheating, I would place a bet on him. If you ever see her again you will thank goodness this life changing event set you in the right direction. Get your self together, be happy and enjoy your new life and embrace the good it will bring. If you can leave your place of origin you can certainly do that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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