# Is it possible for women to be "friends" with REALLY handsome men?



## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi all... I'm starting this thread because of a continued conversation I've been having with my H for the last two years.

He is extremely handsome. In his younger days - Jon Bon Jovi. Now he's got more of the Daniel Craig, Clooney, some have said Matt Damon-look. What ever, the guy is really good looking. I'm on the plain side. But confident. 
Anyway, he truly doesn't see it. He's also got bedroom eyes. The man exudes sexuality. I KNOW he doesn't know it. He's shy. 
So. Here's the issue. He thinks women are just being friendly to him. They confide in him. Too much. He thinks it's because he's a good listener, which he is. He is very thoughtful. And kind. 

I, being a women , can spot when someone is coming on to him a mile away, mostly because they ignore me. Don't engage me in conversation and so forth. 
I am not being insecure here. I used to get a kick out of it. Now, not so much. 

So, if you meet a man, he asks questions, is talkative, funny, shy, sweet and drop dead gorgeous - would you be able to be just his friend? Or is it just a matter of time before you would want "more?"

In a nutshell, our problem is this: he does not get that women want more out of him. He thinks all these "friendly, bubbly" women just like his personality . I say he's being naive. 
And he needs to put up a wall. He says "that's sad..." I say, "too bad..."

Also... Since he is not a wolf, truly, (not a player at all,) there have been at least 5 incidents in his life where a woman "friend" has just leaned in and kissed him full on the lips.( Before we had met)
Even as he told me of these incidents, he seems perplexed. Anyway, I know, because I was one of those "friends" who kissed him first. Both of us were single, so it was fine, but I recall us being friends for a while, and wondering when is he going to kiss me? So I finally just couldn't take it any more, and quite out of character, kissed him. 

Wow. I still remember that kiss.

Thoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

We have a saying down here, "that ole boy's dumb like a fox."


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Unless he rode the short bus to school in his youth he def knows what's what. 

Ask him how he'd feel if hunks came up to you and engaged you in convo's while ignoring him. If he says he wouldn't care he's a liar not naive.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> We have a saying down here, "that ole boy's dumb like a fox."


Haha! Yeah, I've considered that. 

He was raised with sisters, is really close to them and really loves them. I think he just feels a kinship with women. 
But I do think he is sending out signals that are maybe not really that naive... Like he doesn't need to rescue every damsel in distress.
Hmmmmmm. I never dated anyone handsome before... I like "funny" men, meaning humorous, and so no one ever really flirted with any of my boyfriends before. So this was kind of new to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> Unless he rode the short bus to school in his youth he def knows what's what.
> 
> Ask him how he'd feel if hunks came up to you and engaged you in convo's while ignoring him. If he says he wouldn't care he's a liar not naive.


I've never had hunks come up and try to engage me! Never. I'm more cerebral I guess. Not really a looker. But people genuinely like me once they get to know me.

I will say that when we are out, he does go out of his way to introduce me and everyone knows I'm his wife. 
There are just some women that stare past me and lock eyes with him. 
He's a musician - that sure doesn't help! 
I guess I was posing the question to women: if you meet a man who is married and he is a nice guy would the fact that you were sexually attracted to him prevent you from just maintaining a friendship ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> So, if you meet a man, he asks questions, is talkative, funny, shy, sweet and drop dead gorgeous - would you be able to be just his friend? Or is it just a matter of time before you would want "more?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, I CAN be friends with a man, no matter HOW 'attractive', personable or unavailable he is. 

Obviously, if we're BOTH available, then it's not an issue. If HE is unavailable, I get to control _myself_. If *I* am in a unavailable, I get to control _myself_. 

And hon, if *I* become sexually attracted to a man I just met, I would think that *I* am the one with 'issues'!

Vega


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

Vega said:


> Yes, I CAN be friends with a man, no matter HOW 'attractive', personable or unavailable he is.
> 
> Obviously, if we're BOTH available, then it's not an issue. If HE is unavailable, I get to control _myself_. If *I* am in a unavailable, I get to control _myself_.
> 
> ...


Do you mean to say, you have never just met someone and felt an instant chemistry/attraction?

I sure have, but never would have acted on it. 

I met my H in college - went back in my 40's- so we were classmates and got to know one another over the course of a semester which is the only reason why our friendship blossomed. We were sort of forced to be in the same environment for a good length of time. Otherwise I would never have approached him on the basis of thinking he was attractive. 

Is being sexually attracted to someone you just met, an "issue?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I think you can be attracted to someone you just met. Others it needs at least an hour conversation before you might think 'aw he's lovely' 

I wouldn't fawn over a married man. Or a taken man. Though I have enjoyed chats with them. Is that allowed? Anyway, some would fawn. I have had it done to me/him before too. Some woman just gazing and smiling and fawning at him. Excruciating it was. He was very handsome too, and very shy, reserved...and lovely. He said he didn't notice either! 

This is obviously an issue for you now. Did he cheat? 

If indeed this is a problem, and you need to address this behaviour, maybe the only way to get him to realise is to demonstrate it for him. Next time you go out, tell him you are going to fawn over such and such and he needs to consider how that makes him feel. Follow it up by asking a gentleman to spend some time fawning over you. Ask him for an honest assessment of his feelings. If he has cheated (which I assume he has given your username) then really you shouldn't be having to convince him of anything. That's just wrong! 

BTW, inform him of your important experiment before it occurs.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Hi all... I'm starting this thread because of a continued conversation I've been having with my H for the last two years.
> 
> He is extremely handsome. In his younger days - Jon Bon Jovi. Now he's got more of the Daniel Craig, Clooney, some have said Matt Damon-look. What ever, the guy is really good looking. I'm on the plain side. But confident.
> Anyway, he truly doesn't see it. He's also got bedroom eyes. The man exudes sexuality. I KNOW he doesn't know it. He's shy.
> ...


I think goes beyond this really. It is not so much handsome as attractive. The thing is that what one woman sees as attractive varies.

Also when you through in friendships you are really talking about things moving into and EA and really then it matters less about handsomeness. BUT all alese equal you are concerend for sexual attraction. I think sexual attraction in and of itself plays into sexual affairs / ONSs. 

Friends can be ambiguous. A sexually attractive man is a target for any woman who is looking for no attached sex for sure. Sprinkle some small level of attachment like coworker and bingo ...

The bottomline is that a spouse can see the risks and so on more readily that the person in the middle of things. They have a paralax view if you will. This is wired into us. Survival.

But I think people put too much stock in attractiveness for looking at predators or infidelity period.

This comes down to boundaries.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

@Remains...
Interesting idea! 
He had an EA with an old friend from his elementary school days who found him on FB. I knew about her, but did not know how often they were emailing and communicating. 

He became her emotional outlet - he "loved" her since the 6th grade.
He was happy to have her back in his life. He was there for her 24/7.

Part of my query, is due to the fact that she constantly wrote to him how attractive she found him, I wondered if that played in to her falling for him. 

For what it's worth, I was pretty territorial over him. He would mention her but never let on how close they were. 
Hence my name - brokenhearted2 - because I really loved the exclusivity of our emotional relationship. 

I felt it had been tarnished due to him sharing so much with this old friend. 

I'm thinking of changing my name - because I am definitely healing from it. 

There is a remarkable post on here from John Lee, the title is something like, "should I have told about an EA that never went physical..." It has been so helpful and I urge any BS of an EA to read it. 
So clearly explains how they start. 

Anyway... Onward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

Well, good looking musician easily wired for EA's and PA's. You can only swat them away before you give in. Now you have stated he has had an EA you know about. 

To answer your question. Likely NO they can't be friends if his needs are not being met.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

Bamzor said:


> Well, good looking musician easily wired for EA's and PA's. You can only swat them away before you give in. Now you have stated he has had an EA you know about.
> 
> To answer your question. Likely NO they can't be friends if his needs are not being met.


Definitely wired for EA's . Not for PA's - would swear to it. 

But an EA can be just as painful. It's still an affair. 

I certainly could not meet the needs he was getting met by his old friend. 
After all, she grew up with him, same hometown, same friends ( think Wonder Years) knew his sisters, his Mom and Dad, they had a shared past. 
And they could reminisce all the stories of their youth.

The emergence of this person was sort of like a perfect storm for an EA. 

If I thought this was part of his nature, like regular behavior, I'd have to end the marriage. 
The stalemate we are at is that he thinks women just want to be his pal. 

Maybe it's because I'm so crazy about him I can't imagine a woman knowing him and not falling head over heels for him.

To me, he's just got it all - the fact that he's attractive is a bonus... And a curse.

Does this make sense? I just want him to open his eyes!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's possible he doesn't know.

I am not handsome. However, there have been times when my wife has told me that a certain woman has been trying to get it on with me, but I could not see it.

One lead to the infamous EA the other caused a very awkward moment when a friend had a meltdown and basically said she loved me and wanted me as the father for her children! And I had not a clue!


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I don't think a woman needs a male friend. I don't think a male needs a female friend. I know a lot of women. I don't "hang" out with them. I would be opposed to my wife having ANY male friends. It wouldn't matter of they were more attractive than me or not. I think that having friends of the opposite sex would invite trouble.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

OP, pee on your tree. He's your husband. Boundaries.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> I, being a women , can spot when someone is coming on to him a mile away, mostly because they ignore me. Don't engage me in conversation and so forth.
> 
> So, if you meet a man, he asks questions, is talkative, funny, shy, sweet and drop dead gorgeous - would you be able to be just his friend? Or is it just a matter of time before you would want "more?"
> 
> ...


Could I and many of the other posters on this site just be friends with an attractive member of the opposite sex? Absolutely. But the problem is that there are tons of other women out there who don't care at all if a man is married. In fact, that ring may make him even MORE attractive to them. It starts out as a fun little challenge to see if they can lure him away from him wife, blah blah. As the adage goes - "all the good men are already taken" - so why not steal someone else's? If your man is truly that naive to seeing this (and has already been involved in one EA), this is something you should definitely keep your eye on. 

These kinds of relationships are such slippery slopes. Every marriage has its ups and downs, and problems can often occur when the hubby starts confiding in the attractive female friend with regard to marital issues (you know, so he can get the "female" perspective). And female friend will always be on his side, saying his wife should be doing this and that, feeding his ego and reaffirming all his feelings that his wife is taking him for granted. Hubby may start to feel that female friend "gets" him in a way that wife no longer does. And down the slope it goes. 

Not everyone that has an affair is an inherently bad person. Many people that end up in affairs had no intention of ever doing such a thing. Marriages need to be protected and nurtured. Boundaries must be set and enforced (or "walls" as you mentioned). 

Get a copy of "NOT Just Friends" by Shirley Glass for a good discussion of boundaries and how affairs start and share it with your hubby so that maybe he can finally understand where you are coming from.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Definitely wired for EA's . Not for PA's - would swear to it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would also have sworn up and down that my husband was simply incapable of cheating - until it happened. He hated cheaters, he simply wasn't wired for it (or so I believed). That's why betrayal is so shocking and devastating - no one gets married thinking their spouse is the type of person that would do such a thing. And again, why you need to be vigilant and make no apologies for doing so.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I think with opposite sex friendships there are dangers, and they need clear, enforced boundaries to stay "in control". But it can be done.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

brokenhearted2 said:


> *Definitely wired for EA's . Not for PA's - would swear to it.
> *
> But an EA can be just as painful. It's still an affair.
> 
> ...


I compassionately say you are very naive over this.

I think he needs a 2 x 4. Basically you need to do His Needs Her Needs together and set some boundaries. He cannot see the danger. It does not mean it is not there. Do not put up with it.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Do you mean to say, you have never just met someone and felt an instant chemistry/attraction?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope. Never. Hence, the reason why I've never had a one night stand.

I've met/seen many men who are _physically_ attractive, and who may even have 'game'. But I've never been INSTANTLY so swept away by their looks or their smile, or even their attitude, that I've thought that I just "_gotta get me some of THAT_!" after only a few minutes, hours, days or even WEEKS. I mean, what if they're married? What if they're carrying some incurable STD like Herpes or HIV? What if they're an abuser? What if they're just another _jerk_? Or...even worse...what if they're a DEMOCRAT? (j/k!) There are too many questions I would need answered before I jump into bed with someone, and these things take TIME to learn. 



> Is being sexually attracted to someone you just met, an "issue?"


For me, it would be. It would tell me that I'm allowing my reason and intellect to fall by the wayside, and that I'm putting sex "urges" ahead of anything else. 

I'm sorry, but I have my own theories about sex. I'm one of those few people who does NOT believe that just because we're 'horny', we NEED to have that horniness satisfied by another person. Personally, I have more self-control than that.

And after writing that last sentence, I can already 'hear' the sound of jaws dropping to the floor...:rofl:

Vega


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Don't forget that not everyone's idea of handsomeness is the same. He is very handsome to you. Plus, he's yours, and that makes him even more attractive in your eyes. But maybe you're being a little biased. Maybe, just maybe, not all other women who meet him find him that beautiful and want him? ( I try to relax myself with this same thought when paranoia strikes me about MY most handsome man in the world ). I'm sure I can meet yours and not feel a thing, and vice versa...

It's all about the attraction. If the "friend" really feels something more for your H, then bull, it's not just friendship. She would be planning how to get him, especially ( but not only ! ) if she is single. So she must go. No place for such friends in M.

If HE feels more for her, reciprocated or not, the same, no place for this in M.

If none feel anything sexual for one another - which is rare between opposite sex friends- then it is a no-threat-to-M friendship and it is OK. Very, very rare though.
The issue is not his handsomeness, that just brings up your insecurities. The above applies to married people of all levels of attractiveness.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

From the other side, I have had this discussion with my girlfriend. She is stunning. Guys hit on her all the time. There is no 'just friends' with them. When opposite sexes are friends, 95%+ of the time one of them is attracted to the other. It could happen, but don't trust it and make sure he knows your boundaries!


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

From experience, I say NO. Regardless whether the man is super handsome or not.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

ne9907 said:


> From experience, I say NO. Regardless whether the man is super handsome or not.


I appreciate all the thoughtful replies. 
Laurel and entropy3000- I do think I could be naive about the possibility of a PA ever happening since I would have sworn he would be incapable of an EA.
I will get that book you suggested and enforce boundaries. 

Hortensia- I could very well be projecting my feelings about his attractiveness to women, 
I know he wasn't physically attracted to his EA, they hadn't seen each other in 28 years, but it was a deep connection that he enjoyed, on her part I felt from what I managed to dredge up and read, that she kept commenting on his attractiveness ( of his FB pictures) and as one of the posters wrote , was always complimenting and "understanding" his feelings.

I am in agreement that its dangerous to not be vigilant when having friends of the opposite sex. I don't think I'm going to back down from my position that I don't like it. 

He can have just as much "connection" with male friends and if he needs the advice of another woman he can talk to his sisters!

Thanks everyone.
BH2
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

On behalf of all the unattractive couples, harried and exhausted by their everyday tasks and unsexy jobs, just let me sigh "I wish I had these people's problems" and hurry on to the dishes before passing out for a couple of hours until the next daily cycle begins.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

moco82 said:


> On behalf of all the unattractive couples, harried and exhausted by their everyday tasks and unsexy jobs, just let me sigh "I wish I had these people's problems" and hurry on to the dishes before passing out for a couple of hours until the next daily cycle begins.


You shouldn't pass judgment so carelessly- I have taken care of a parent with Alzheimer's for ten years, am nursing back to health a sister with cancer , have raised three daughters and work a cashier job. But I didn't come on TAM to complain about life's trials. 

I came to ask advice on something that was important to me and my marriage but thanks for trying to make me feel bad about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> ...she kept commenting on his attractiveness ( of his FB pictures) and as one of the posters wrote , was always complimenting and "understanding" his feelings.
> 
> I am in agreement that its dangerous to not be vigilant when having friends of the opposite sex. I don't think I'm going to back down from my position that I don't like it.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are a few things I want to point out here. First of all, the "currency" of affairs--emotional AND physical--is _compliments_. Affairs are ego driven, and compliments go a long way to _support_ the ego. If the ego is 'sagging', compliments will 'prop it up'. If the ego is already 'propped up', compliments will serve to prop it up even MORE. 

But if the WS has his or her ego under control, then no matter what a potential AP says, it won't matter. Even if the AP told the WS that they're "God", a potential WS wouldn't bat an eyelash; the potential WS would already know the truth, and the truth is that (s)he is NOT "God". Not. Even. Close. The potential WS could then see the so-called 'compliment' for what it is; that the potential AP isn't really "seeing" the WS for who he or she authentically _*is*_. 

Secondly, we can compliment our spouse every day, but our spouse may not always believe us. How often do we hear that our spouse believed that we "had" to say those nice things to them, simply because we're _married_ to them? When their AP compliments them, the WS sees the compliment as more 'genuine'. The AP must "really mean it", because the AP isn't _obligated_ to say anything. (Sidenote--I'm personally getting pretty fed up with hearing that EVERYTHING we do while married is _supposed_ to be out of "obligation". If we clean the house, it's out of "obligation". If we agree to go out to dinner with our spouse, it's out of "obligation". If we hae sex with our spouse, it's out of obligation. Yuck! We need a new way to think about marriage, and that it's VOLUNTARY CHOICE.) 

As for constantly being 'vigilant' about the intentions of the opposite sex, I think this can lead to paranoia, if overdone. If instead we stay focused on our _own_ intentions, we won't have to be vigilant about THEIRS. 

Just some food for thought...

Vega


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Hmmm....

To put it sharp, I think he is gay or you are blind.

A man is programmed to prey on the females that are visually attractive to him.

Can it be he is just very elegant in his play and you don't see his qualities? I cannot imagine a man not conscious of women coming on to him, and only very few man not enjoying the experience.

Now acting on it is a different thing, but many would be tempted to see how far they could go.


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## Hartbrok (Jul 16, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> From the other side, I have had this discussion with my girlfriend. She is stunning. Guys hit on her all the time. There is no 'just friends' with them. When opposite sexes are friends, 95%+ of the time one of them is attracted to the other.


I spent a lot of time trying to explain this to my extremely beautiful and younger spouse, who seemed oblivious to the fact that the men that were always being "nice" to her, were usually trying to hit on her.

Found out the hard way that she knew......she knew....

OP, I'm guessing your spouse knows too.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Vega said:


> Yes, I CAN be friends with a man, no matter HOW 'attractive', personable or unavailable he is.
> 
> Obviously, if we're BOTH available, then it's not an issue. If HE is unavailable, I get to control _myself_. If *I* am in a unavailable, I get to control _myself_.
> 
> ...


This is never a problem until....it's a problem. If you know what I mean. Haha!
Famous last words "don't worry, I have this under control"


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Vega said:


> There are a few things I want to point out here. First of all, the "currency" of affairs--emotional AND physical--is _compliments_. Affairs are ego driven, and compliments go a long way to _support_ the ego. If the ego is 'sagging', compliments will 'prop it up'. If the ego is already 'propped up', compliments will serve to prop it up even MORE.
> 
> But if the WS has his or her ego under control, then no matter what a potential AP says, it won't matter. Even if the AP told the WS that they're "God", a potential WS wouldn't bat an eyelash; the potential WS would already know the truth, and the truth is that (s)he is NOT "God". Not. Even. Close. The potential WS could then see the so-called 'compliment' for what it is; that the potential AP isn't really "seeing" the WS for who he or she authentically _*is*_.
> 
> ...



I've been married 23 years and never was tempted at all. I had my ego in perfect control. This over confidence can be your undoing.

Not a bit tempted until...bam! Who knows why? It wasn't compliments it was something else. I don't know. Chemical maybe...

I didn't fail or stray but dammit! It threw me for a loop I'm still trying to pull out of.

I have to stay away from this person because its like a magnet to a compass. I lose sight of true north.

Like I said, it's all good till all of a sudden it's not.


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

*Is it possible for women to be "friends" with REALLY handsome men?*

I think many "good women" tell themselves that .. but imho, they are just in denial.

Imagine a "friend" that looks like your ideal movie star (Brad Pitt, Iam Somerhalder, Ryan Gosling, Denzel, etc). Now imagine you also spend time with them on a daily/weekly basis .. and they are also extremely charming, always entertaining to be around and saying the right thing .... and always interested in what YOU have to say. Sure, meeting them once is no problem ... but interacting with them day after day, they are going to cause you to lower your defenses and your mind to wander .. and who knows what else. Curiosity killed the cat didn't it?

I believe there are "willfully tough" women out there who could resist anything ... but I also believe they are a very tiny minority of the population at large. A keeper is a woman who is not going to put their spouse in that situation to begin with out of pure respect for the relationship. Besides, having a gorgeous opposite sex friend like that just creates drama .. not just between you and your spouse ... but also from 3rd party observers who are going to gossip. 

I think women who "insist" they need to keep these kinds of "friends" around are mostly disingenuous about their reasons for doing so. OS friends that are merely acquaintances are one thing .. but OS confidants that you hang out with is something else. 

Bottom Line: I think it is disrespectful to your spouse to keep these kinds of OS friends around.


BTW: Before the rotten heads of lettuce and tomatoes start flying ... I believe this applies to men as well.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> In a nutshell, our problem is this: he does not get that women want more out of him. He thinks all these "friendly, bubbly" women just like his personality . I say he's being naive.
> And he needs to put up a wall. He says "that's sad..." I say, "too bad..."


Hi BH2. Good to see you again.  
Your H is desirable and some women will want to get their talons on him. Guaranteed! They're called OWs on here. Grrrr! 
I suppose he is means that by putting up a wall, he will not be able to be himself. Whether you are good-looking or not though, there are boundaries for friendships between married people and people of the opposite sex which could be called a wall as you describe it.
Do you think he is not establishing those boundaries well enough? It is worrying you to some extent if I am reading your post correctly.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Vega said:


> There are a few things I want to point out here. First of all, the "currency" of affairs--emotional AND physical--is _compliments_. Affairs are ego driven, and compliments go a long way to _support_ the ego. If the ego is 'sagging', compliments will 'prop it up'. If the ego is already 'propped up', compliments will serve to prop it up even MORE.
> 
> But if the WS has his or her ego under control, then no matter what a potential AP says, it won't matter. Even if the AP told the WS that they're "God", a potential WS wouldn't bat an eyelash; the potential WS would already know the truth, and the truth is that (s)he is NOT "God". Not. Even. Close. The potential WS could then see the so-called 'compliment' for what it is; that the potential AP isn't really "seeing" the WS for who he or she authentically _*is*_.
> 
> ...



Absolutely, Vega! Used to drive me crazy when I _genuinely_ complimented my W on her hair, clothes, physique etc. and got the response "You don't count." Fortunately, she has changed her tune in this regard.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Anyway, he truly doesn't see it. He's also got bedroom eyes. The man exudes sxuality. I KNOW he doesn't know it. He's shy.


Trust me on this, HE KNOWS. If he's like your full description, women are hitting on him...a lot.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> When opposite sexes are friends, 95%+ of the time one of them is attracted to the other.



I agree. Like I've said before, when a man and a woman are friends, one or both are fantasizing about f---ing.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

dogman said:


> I've been married 23 years and never was tempted at all. I had my ego in perfect control. This over confidence can be your undoing.
> 
> Not a bit tempted until...bam! Who knows why? It wasn't compliments it was something else. I don't know. Chemical maybe...
> 
> ...


Very real and very frightening. But good for you for keeping it together. Still it's sad, that we have to even be faced with these temptations when most of us don't want to be Cheaters, it's like the ultimate test of your commitment - and you passed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I agree. Like I've said before, when a man and a woman are friends, one or both are fantasizing about f---ing.


Agreed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Trust me on this, HE KNOWS. If he's like your full description, women are hitting on him...a lot.


Well, the old boy has come around to admitting as much in MC. But says essentially, "what do I care?! I'm happily married... "
He says he has new tricks up his sleeve... When a woman approaches him at a club where he's playing, no matter what she says, he replies, " my wife thinks so, too!"

The MC was more concerned with why he has not been able to tell me these things before and hinted its because I blow it out of proportion.
Yeah, guilty as charged. But I wasn't like that before I found out about the EA. !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

********** said:


> Hi BH2. Good to see you again.
> Your H is desirable and some women will want to get their talons on him. Guaranteed! They're called OWs on here. Grrrr!
> I suppose he is means that by putting up a wall, he will not be able to be himself. Whether you are good-looking or not though, there are boundaries for friendships between married people and people of the opposite sex which could be called a wall as you describe it.
> Do you think he is not establishing those boundaries well enough? It is worrying you to some extent if I am reading your post correctly.


Hello Dear **********... Yes, boundaries are the issue. 
If you recall, I found out recently, that in the same timeframe as his EA, he had a friend at work that was sending him " friendly" FB messages wanting him to go for lunch, then wanting him to come by her house so she could make him soup... Wanting him to build her a work table... I found all these messages on my own, ok snooping, 2 years after the fact. 

When I brought them up in MC as an example of him being too accommodating, too friendly, possibly sending out mixed signals he said almost gleefully, " oh she would NEVER have an affair with a married man! She had an affair at her LAST job, the wife found out, exposed, went ballistic on her and both parties got fired."

So, I'm like, uh, I guess she WOULD have an affair with a married man then, because she did! 
This logic seems to have eluded him. And why is she telling my H about her sexual infidelities? 

This is exactly the kind of situation I'm talking about. My gut says she wanted to serve up more than soup, but I do not think he had anything but the soup.
Naive? Maybe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

Vega said:


> There are a few things I want to point out here. First of all, the "currency" of affairs--emotional AND physical--is _compliments_. Affairs are ego driven, and compliments go a long way to _support_ the ego. If the ego is 'sagging', compliments will 'prop it up'. If the ego is already 'propped up', compliments will serve to prop it up even MORE.
> 
> But if the WS has his or her ego under control, then no matter what a potential AP says, it won't matter. Even if the AP told the WS that they're "God", a potential WS wouldn't bat an eyelash; the potential WS would already know the truth, and the truth is that (s)he is NOT "God". Not. Even. Close. The potential WS could then see the so-called 'compliment' for what it is; that the potential AP isn't really "seeing" the WS for who he or she authentically _*is*_.
> 
> ...


Well, as everyone can tell, I am back home from my "glamorous" job!

Just wanted to answer some posts, because I appreciate the feedback. We all learn things for one another which is great.

You made some great points Vega. As the spouse, we do seem to lose some of the importance ? If that's the right word, when complimenting our SO's. 

Remember when you were dating, and hung on every word! Now it's true, maybe they hear every other word on a good day!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

I don't think you are confused, you already know the answer to the questions that you have asked, it's just that they can be hard to face. I do have women that I am friends with, but they are also friends of the marriage and respect both my wife and my marriage. I don't have friends she does not know both male and female and keep her up to date what is happening with them and she does the same.

You never heard of bad things from the Billy Graham ministries, because they made a concerted effort to be accountable to one another. They did not let each other get in compromising positions. Same thing is true in a marriage, it must be guarded by both of you and not allow anyone to harm the marriage. It is called forsaking all others.

If he is talking to someone and you come up, he should introduce you to her. Also he should make a point to not let her be touching him or excluding you. If he has to he should move further away and closer to you. He can also change the conversation to bring you into the conversation. He is allowing them to disrespect you and that is a no no.

I would imagine that he is a bit of an attention hound. He likes having them make over them, even if he has no desire to take it farther. The problem is that he knows in the back of his mind, he knows they are making themselves available. Further he is not making himself off limits and is allowing you to feel threatened and that is not right. If he is going to other women to have them fix him soup, he knows what that really means. Even if he is only getting soup, this is a bad situation and needs to stop immediately. In the immortal words of Barney Fife, "you need to nip it in the bud".


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I agree. Like I've said before, when a man and a woman are friends, one or both are fantasizing about f---ing.


Completely agree. I have been friends with plenty of attractive women and I would fantasize about sleeping with them all the time. However, I never tried to take it to the next level with any of them because I knew it would destroy the friendship. Especially, if one or both of us were in a relationship which was the case in most situations. 

While the friendship always meant more to me, it's not like either party was completely unaware that men and women have a level of chemistry with one another and always have that urge to act on it. We are only human after all. The difference is I have some self-control and think carefully about the consequences of my actions. 

Unfortunately, I think I'm in the minority. Alot of people are really selfish and just don't care who they hurt. Even their "friend". There seems to be no shortage of morally bankrupt people these days... 

To the OP: No straight man is oblivious to a woman wanting him. It's like the smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. It's impossible not to notice. He enjoys the attention and who wouldn't honestly? He is trying to spare your feelings by playing dumb because he doesn't want you to be jealous. He might not be doing anything wrong but he knows exactly what's going on.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

Does he instigate conversations? Does he use lines like "you can talk to me about anything", "you deserve better", or "not all men are like that"? If so then I would say he is very aware of what he is doing. I personally feel allowing a member of the opposite sex to confide in you is dangerous. It opens doors to infidelity. If he is just listening and not really instigating....well he may just not know. If he is baiting....well there is a lot more going on. My husband baited and tried to play it off like he didn't know women had emotions and could get the wrong impression. Please!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

> Is it possible for women to be "friends" with REALLY handsome men?


Only if they are gay.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I've been told men and woman cannot be friends unless one of them is gay or a cousin, and even with a cousin you have to be careful. 

The person who told me that is my cheating STBXW..


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## Alecto (Sep 16, 2012)

Some people are simply friendly and naturally seem flirtatious. If your husband isn't looking for something from these women, then the only thing you need to worry about is that he continues to not look for something, and that he doesn't isolate himself with them. It's normal to be attracted to various people, and women may be attracted to him. Whether he acts on that is up to him though.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> Completely agree. I have been friends with plenty of attractive women and I would fantasize about sleeping with them all the time. However, I never tried to take it to the next level with any of them because I knew it would destroy the friendship. Especially, if one or both of us were in a relationship which was the case in most situations.
> 
> While the friendship always meant more to me, it's not like either party was completely unaware that men and women have a level of chemistry with one another and always have that urge to act on it. We are only human after all. The difference is I have some self-control and think carefully about the consequences of my actions.
> 
> ...


I often see attractive women. I deal with it. It is harder when it is someone you know.

My ironclad boundary is that I always tell my wife and give her right of veto. There is one very good friend where she sets a few limits..wisely....

It's when I have secrets from Mrs Wazza that I am in trouble.


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## LorenzoP (Jan 6, 2013)

Would he read Not Just Friends
do you think so that he could understand the pitfalls of "friendships" with the opposite sex while in a marriage?

I tend to think he's "dumb like a fox" too. Whether he is handsome or not he needs to learn to be more on the lookout for overt OR subtle advances from other women because he is married and it affects your feelings too.

My sons are both very handsome but also very nice (and not "players") and one is quite shy. However they BOTH know when a woman is hitting on them...they can spot it as it is fairly frequent.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

OP,

It is possible. I had to show you post to my wife as we had the exact discussion a year ago as I came to TAM for help. My wife is a big flirt. I had been cheated on and left a long time ago and that type of thing stays with you. 

I was sure my wife was cheating on me as she went to a dark place. For two weeks we fought non stop. Using what I learned on TAM, I went on the offensive.

My wife to my surprised fought back with what I thought was blame shifting. She said I get hit all the time and I do not even notice. She claimed her flirting which has gotten her into some trouble was a result of me being hit on. I called bull.

We go to get our hair cut as we fight the whole way there. She even claims a girl at where go for our hair cuts hits on me. I tell her it is not true and if it is she is doing for a tip.

We park and my wife storms out of the car and goes into the hair care place to sign us in. I walk in and we are the only two there and the stylist is the girl my wife claims is hitting on me.

The girl asks who would like to go first, my wife says it does not matter. The girl says, "Ok, I'll take Jim." If looks can kill, we would have both been dead.

I sit down as she cuts my hair and we engage in conversation. 15 minutes later some one comes in. The stylist has a shocked look on her face and says, " Oh my god, I forgot to log her (my wife) in and I forgot she was here."

I turn around to see my wife with that "I told you so look" on her face and was very proud of herself. Our fighting ended immediately and we started a very good deep discussion. We were able to work on things and actually did a night away a month later.

We did later go to lunch that day and the waitress had to some back for her order. By then the point was made.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

jim123 said:


> OP,
> 
> It is possible. I had to show you post to my wife as we had the exact discussion a year ago as I came to TAM for help. My wife is a big flirt. I had been cheated on and left a long time ago and that type of thing stays with you.
> 
> ...



I am happy you worked that out. Great story... 

Not that I think being crazy jealous is a good thing, but a little, healthy dose of it, is sort of a barometer of sorts, on how your spouse feels about you - sensing or recognizing "danger." I know if i didnt care about my H , became complacent , I would never notice or probably not care if someone was flirting.

I have a similar story, that after reading yours made me recall it...I'll try and edit it, but it really ties in to this whole conversation:

H and I met a woman, our age, at a shop she owned in another town about 25 miles away- so one we would not frequent regularly. We immediately noticed that she seemed to be under stress, very distraught, had been crying. As is both our natures, even tho we didnt know her, i approached her to see if there was anything we could do...

She told us her H had died 2 months earlier. We talked for quite a while, and she eventually told us her house was for sale, she had lots of her H tools for sale, did we want to come by at some point to see them, as my H is a woodworker...

A weekend later we went to her home, talked some more, purchased the tools. At that time she asked if my H could come by at another time and pick up leftover wood from a fence she taken down.

He agreed to, and the next weekend, we BOTH showed up to collect the wood. again much more talking and getting to know one another...at some point she told us her H had committed suicide in the house which is why she was selling it so fast...

My H flew into action at that point, very consoling and offering to come back to help with any other chores- of which WE did, I always went with him 2 or 3 more times, because I felt a tenderness toward her.

In an effort to get her out, we also invited her to a club my H plays in once a month close to her hometown. She never did come, but we'd call and invite her regularly.

Well.... One night I called to check in on her, I told her I was unable to go to the club that night (Its a regular gig, !st saturday of every month-)But just wanted to see how she was.

Ahem, Can you guess what happened? Sorry I know this is longer than I intended, but the memory of it has me all worked up : )

I went to the movies myself that night ( I enjoy alone time ) and when I got out I thought, "What the heck? I am going to drive down to "xxx-ville" and surprise H and hear some good music"

I walk in and sitting there right in front of H is the most glamorous woman I have ever seen- took me a minute to realize it was the grieving widow...She went from grieving to "merry widow" overnight! Full on make up , mini skirt, big hair big jewelry - the works. I still didnt catch on at first, asked her how she was etc. but she was clearly not happy to see me.

My H came over at the break and gave me a big kiss and later when I commented on her amazing transformation, he seemed like he didnt notice, also that she finally showed up, on the one night i said I would not be there...He did not think that was odd.

Guess what? we never heard from her again. My H would say on occasion, Ive been calling xxxx, and I'm worried, she never returns my calls, have you heard from her?

Nope, she never called us again, or took our calls. I think the term I would use is she felt, "Busted." I felt "used" and my H is still scratching his head going, "I wonder what happened to her?"

Anyway, just a story for a Wednesday morning...
BH2


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Well, the old boy has come around to admitting as much in MC. But says essentially, "what do I care?! I'm happily married... "
> He says he has new tricks up his sleeve... When a woman approaches him at a club where he's playing, no matter what she says, he replies, " my wife thinks so, too!"
> 
> *The MC was more concerned with why he has not been able to tell me these things before and hinted its because I blow it out of proportion.
> Yeah, guilty as charged. But I wasn't like that before I found out about the EA. !*_Posted via Mobile Device_


Just my tuppence, but I think the EA changed the nature of the proper "proportions." I vote "not guilty."


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

brokenhearted2 said:


> I guess I was posing the question to women: if you meet a man who is married and he is a nice guy would the fact that you were sexually attracted to him prevent you from just maintaining a friendship ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't have an affair or chase a guy even if he was *all that* x a million. It's not worth it for me because I value my marriage. So, for me, and maybe a lot of other women, the man's looks don't change the core person that I am.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

OP,

I had to ask my wife if she is playing with me.

We have been friends with a number of parents from my son's baseball team for over 12 years now. One couple were very close to, the H died of cancer a little of two years ago.

We all still see each other as our sons play HS and travel baseball together.

This last summer I could not make too many games. I attend one game around July 4th weekend. Everyone knows I am finally going to make the game and it will be nice to catch up.

We are on a back field and there are no stands so we are in chairs. Our friend comes to the game in a halter dress (normally t shirt and shorts like everyone else). I am sitting on the far end.

She comes over by me and proceeds to kneels facing my leaning forward talking to me for three innings. That went over big.


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

jim123 said:


> OP,
> 
> I had to ask my wife if she is playing with me.
> 
> ...



Jim123- I'd say you're a lucky guy cause your wife is obviously crazy about you, and notices women getting too "chummy."

Like I wrote before, if I wasn't so crazy about my guy, I wouldn't notice, nor care, if Angelina Jolie became his back up singer!!
Tell her you appreciate that she keeps her eye on you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted2 (Aug 23, 2012)

Philat said:


> Just my tuppence, but I think the EA changed the nature of the proper "proportions." I vote "not guilty."


I appreciate that! I want to believe that and I am on my way towards being more "level- headed" rather than reacting or over reacting. 
Thank you for your "tuppence."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Hello Dear **********... Yes, boundaries are the issue.
> If you recall, I found out recently, that in the same timeframe as his EA, he had a friend at work that was sending him " friendly" FB messages wanting him to go for lunch, then wanting him to come by her house so she could make him soup... Wanting him to build her a work table... I found all these messages on my own, ok snooping, 2 years after the fact.


Hi BH2. Sorry I just saw your reply to my post. 
First off, once betrayed I think BS should snoop for as long as they want after the fact, until they feel 100% comfortable that they don't have to. It's called verifiable truth. If you recall my story I thought there was one EA. From a random snoop on his old email account almost 3 years later I found out there was 2 more EAs and a PA. Whoopee! 


> When I brought them up in MC as an example of him being too accommodating, too friendly, possibly sending out mixed signals he said almost gleefully, " oh she would NEVER have an affair with a married man! She had an affair at her LAST job, the wife found out, exposed, went ballistic on her and both parties got fired."


BH2. Frankly I think that WH needs a major readjustment here and the MC should be doing this, you need a new one, seriously. A new MC that is, not a new H.:lol: Your H is FAR too dismissive of you and the hurt he has caused if this was his reaction. And so was the MC. Would the MC like it if his/her spouse did all that? Next time pose the question to the MC and look him/her straight in the eye. 

You should have said "OK. So she had an affair. And now she's repentant and reformed which can be seen by the fact that she's asking you, a married man, to lunch, just the two of you, and then to her house, just the two of you, so she can make you soup, and then you are going to go right on over there again and make her a work table? What is she, your wife? And you are trying to tell me she is not interested in you while at the same time telling me that you are not entertaining her? Or that you are but it doesn't matter because she has reformed. Do you think I'm an IDIOT?" 

Really I'm cross with him BH2. I cannot IMAGINE doing that with a work colleague, even if we were close friends. I'd consider it utterly inappropriate and would see that his wife wouldn't like it one little bit and neither would I if I was the wife. 



> So, I'm like, uh, I guess she WOULD have an affair with a married man then, because she did!
> This logic seems to have eluded him. And why is she telling my H about her sexual infidelities?


And she would do it again which is why she was behaving so inappropriately with your H, and telling him about her affair for goodness sake. They were already in EA territory. The logic did not elude him. You said previously that he said he was unaware of the attention he gets with his Hollywood good looks. Do you remember what all the men posters said? "Baloney. He KNOWS". I couldn't agree more. He is doing a gaslight 'light' on you. Playing the dumb card and this is another example. The MC should have seen him coming a mile off and can't be too bright if he/she didn't call your H on it re the inappropriate behaviour of both the she-devil and himself. 


> This is exactly the kind of situation I'm talking about. My gut says she wanted to serve up more than soup, but I do not think he had anything but the soup.
> Naive? Maybe.


This is exactly the kind of situation your H should never have been in as a married man. Just you and me babe. And now I'll make you some soup. Yeah, right! I have to say BH2, what the heck is with the soup. Does your H have a penchant for it or does the she-devil have a world famous secret recipe? Sorry but you have to laugh at women like her making soup in her house for other people's husbands.

I haven't read the rest of the posts but I will check them out and get back to you in case there's an update. 

I think you have to get a lot tougher with H and not let him play the dumb card he seems to use with you. Grrrr! And the MC? Go shopping for a new one I reckon.

ETA


> The MC was more concerned with why he has not been able to tell me these things before and hinted its because I blow it out of proportion.
> Yeah, guilty as charged. But I wasn't like that before I found out about the EA.


Just saw this bit. Gee, so MC thinks H doesn't tell you because you might over-react? I was right! You need a smarter MC. The issue here was that H was hanging out with another woman like that in the first place and going along with it. I think the MC should be asking him whether he considered that it was appropriate for a married man to be engaging in this way with a woman. And all of this was behind your back since your husband for some bizarre, peculiar, strange reason thought you might 'over-react'? So this makes all of this your fault somehow? Sheesh! The nonsense we BS have to put up with. An MC who treats affairs should have to have been a BS themselves!


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

How many times has this thread popped up? A married man doesn't need female friends. That's like inviting the wolf to eat grass with the sheep. Having a female acquaintance is okay. The difference is the level of intimacy. You tell everything to a friend where as you just keep things light with acquaintances. Married men shouldn't be talking to OW about their marital issues and opening up and talking about their deep dark secrets. But there is no reason a man can't know what funny stuff your kids did yesterday.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

badbane said:


> How many times has this thread popped up? A married man doesn't need female friends. That's like inviting the wolf to eat grass with the sheep. Having a female acquaintance is okay. The difference is the level of intimacy. You tell everything to a friend where as you just keep things light with acquaintances. Married men shouldn't be talking to OW about their marital issues and opening up and talking about their deep dark secrets. But there is no reason a man can't know what funny stuff your kids did yesterday.


People in relationships can be friends with the opposite sex. As long as you are transparent with your spouse and any activity you do with the "friend" the spouse could come along and doesn't affect the flow, then it's not a problem.

The thing though is it's not how it goes down. Theres a lot of flirting, sexual innuedos, complaining about the other spouse, etc. Secret conversations and chats which become sexual which are the spouses "business"...


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

badbane said:


> How many times has this thread popped up? A married man doesn't need female friends. That's like inviting the wolf to eat grass with the sheep. Having a female acquaintance is okay. The difference is the level of intimacy. You tell everything to a friend where as you just keep things light with acquaintances. Married men shouldn't be talking to OW about their marital issues and opening up and talking about their deep dark secrets. But there is no reason a man can't know what funny stuff your kids did yesterday.


This!

My H and I are in R after his EA. He has been always chatty and flirty with women in a light, shallow way. Just his conversational style. Never anything deep...until this year. It's a slippery slope and where I used to not care about his behavior...that's over. Boundaries have been set clearly and will need to be maintained if he wants to keep me. So I have to vote NO to the male/female friendships...acquaintances only.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

brokenhearted2 said:


> He says he has new tricks up his sleeve... When a woman approaches him at a club where he's playing, no matter what she says, he replies, " my wife thinks so, too!"


Nice trick, but I've found that replies like that make some women try harder. Bottom line is that Mr. Handsome doesn't need any close female friends...period.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I don't think it even matters if he's handsome -- intersex friendships with married people are almost always playing with fire.

I'm not as cynical as some people here -- he may genuinely be a little naive. He's the shy type, I'm guessing he didn't have tons of women before you, probably doesn't quite realize how good looking he is, am I right? *ahem* I was like that once -- I was shy and didn't really think I was good-looking, so I was surprised when a woman actually would give me attention, and I was completely oblivious that some of my female "friends" had crushes on me when I was younger (still regret those days). 

Bottom line is, those kinds of friendships very easily lead to EA's or PA's, so somehow you need to make him understand that without accusing him of something.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

How are you doing Brokenhearted?


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

********** said:


> Hi BH2.
> And she would do it again which is why she was behaving so inappropriately with your H, and telling him about her affair for goodness sake. They were already in EA territory. The logic did not elude him. You said previously that he said he was unaware of the attention he gets with his Hollywood good looks. Do you remember what all the men posters said? "Baloney. He KNOWS". I couldn't agree more. He is doing a gaslight 'light' on you. Playing the dumb card and this is another example. !



Brokenhearted this is very similar to my story. Only my dh doesn't have Hollywood good looks but his size (he's a big man) coupled with a really outgoing almost bombastic personality and way of approaching any-and-everybody gets him lots of attention. I will second that They Know. He will do the same thing with me, act dumb. 

Whatever, it's bull, it's working a game and I for one don't want games. I won't be able to change his personality (and don't want to) but that doesn't mean he gets to use it to cross boundaries, any more than I get to use my plump butt and pouty lips to get attention. Know what I mean? In other words, you know when someone is attracted to you, we all do, including your dh and mine. It's up to us whether we allow it to cross boundaries.

The other glaring similiarity is the inappropriateness of this woman telling him about her affair. Exactly like my case. This is totally inappropriate. She's not telling him because he's good looking, she's telling him cause he'll do her attention-graveling self a favor and LET her tell it. Same as mine. Mine will say women always want to tell him their problems. yeah cause YOU LET them, I tell him. And some women luuuuvvv to use "problems" to enter affairs, it's the whole damsel-in-distress baloney. On the flip side some women will go the opposite, act like they are carefree and fun and free of any "drama", not like these poor men's wives lol:rofl: 

So see, Hollywood good looks, big personality, whatever. Everybody, every man every woman, has Something they could use. It's up to them how they use it. 

But in final answer to your question: YES I believe good looking men and women can be friends. I have at least a couple guy friend I would consider very good looking, but who cares? I would not have an affair with them.These are true FRIENDS however, not guys who are telling me about their affairs and whom I'm sneaking around calling!! These guys have had my back during some very difficult times in my life: things like a life or death situation with my child, for instance, serious things. I can honestly say without a doubt that I would not mind my dh being friends with a beautiful woman, I think just like we can smell rot almost immediately when our guy gets to chummy with a rotten female, we can also sense when it's a true friend and a noble person. But a true friend will not ever put their friend in a bad position with their spouse by expecting secret phone calls or talking about inappropriate things or expecting frequent attention from them.

It's very sad that these mililions of jerk affair partners and WS and their "just friends" baloney have made us all paranoid to have real true friendships with members of the opposite sex, or to allow our partners to. I'm not saying your paranoid btw, but it's just a general sad statement.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Hi all... I'm starting this thread because of a continued conversation I've been having with my H for the last two years.
> 
> He is extremely handsome. In his younger days - Jon Bon Jovi. Now he's got more of the Daniel Craig, Clooney, some have said Matt Damon-look. What ever, the guy is really good looking. I'm on the plain side. But confident.
> Anyway, he truly doesn't see it. He's also got bedroom eyes. The man exudes sexuality. I KNOW he doesn't know it. He's shy.
> ...



Let me put it this way, myself, a man, if I had hot sexy women confiding in me, flirting and even giving me kisses on the lips, I would love it. Men aren't naive, just like the ladies aren't either. I have had many opportunities in the past and almost present and I love the attention and I know the ladies would probably want more.....If my wife had hot guys doing the same with her, she would love the attention, who wouldn't?

If a hot woman made eye contact with me, started flirting and chatting and getting close, I would love it because it makes me feel like I'm still young and got it. Same goes for the ladies.:smthumbup:

Would I sneak off with these hot women for sex? As tempting as that might be, no and same goes for my wife.

I am the hotter looking one and she is average, she has told me this.

I do not go out of my way to have hot female friends nor does my wife go out and do the same.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Is it possible for women to be "friends" with REALLY handsome men?*

Is it possible for men to be "friends" with REALLY beautiful women?

I will go grab the popcorn.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> We have a saying down here, "that ole boy's dumb like a fox."


:rofl:

We have a friend like this in our social circle. Really hot. Dumb as a box of rocks. But we love him. Been friends since kids.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

brokenhearted2 said:


> So, if you meet a man, he asks questions, is talkative, funny, shy, sweet and drop dead gorgeous - would you be able to be just his friend? Or is it just a matter of time before you would want "more?"


To answer the first part, yes. 

To answer the second part: variables... do we have chemistry or not? Commonalities? Some men are conventionally "drop dead gorgeous" and do nothing for me. 

But to think a woman can't be around a man and be his friend, like she has no choice in the matter, or has ulterior motives, is a bit of a backwards way of thinking.

Now... I know a lot of men say they cannot be friends with attractive women but that isn't the thread topic here.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

brokenhearted2 said:


> Anyway, I know, because I was one of those "friends" who kissed him first. Both of us were single, so it was fine, but I recall us being friends for a while, and wondering when is he going to kiss me? So I finally just couldn't take it any more, and quite out of character, kissed him.
> 
> Wow. I still remember that kiss.
> 
> Thoughts?


But that's just it. I don't kiss my "friends" on the lips... Nor do I wonder when they are going to kiss me on the lips...


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I think if someone is going to cheat it doesn't matter what the boundaries are, examples such as if you have opposite sex friends or not. It does not matter... at the end of the day the cold truth is No one is safe, no matter how much they think they are, that is chance we all take. In every relationship their must be trust and respect, they go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly. their is in a relationship is trust and what you two decide as a couple is appropriate or not. We can all set boundaries all day long but it is up to each person to make a choice we all have a choice, we all have free will. It doesn't matter all you can do is have faith that your spouse won't cheat and you won't cheat on them. Anyone can have an affair, we all have a choice and with each choice we make it can be detrimental or rewarding.


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