# Why keep videos?



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I still don't understand why my WW chose to keep videos of her encounters with OM. Any ideas about this behavior?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

She is not truly remorseful and is having trouble letting go. That is selfish and will lead to doom of your marriage.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

My marriage is in the process of being put down.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> My marriage is in the process of being put down.


Small wonder, she does something like that... I'm by no means a psychologist, but I'd say she keeps the videos to re-live the excitement and thrill she got. Jeez... So sorry to hear that you've had to put up with that kind of blatant disrespect.

May I suggest recording the moment you have her served with divorce papers, so you can re-live the excitement and thrill you got from telling her to GTFO?


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I don't feel any happiness from my impending divorce. Just sadness.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I might hazard to guess that she knows what she did was totally selfish and stupid and hates herself for doing it.

The only happiness she got was from the fake happiness caused by the affair. She is most likely very upset but I seriously doubt if she would ever tell you that.

You probably get the she cheated because it's your fault line.

There is no good that comes out of trying to figure all this out. It's broken. I know it is sad but there are still so many wonderful things to do with your life. Why wait? Get started.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

The videos are a keep sake for her, it allows her to keep that feeling alive.

For her she "is" in love with him and feels that she needs these momentoes as she cannot let go of her relationship with him.

I do not want to seem offensive to you but please understand that she too is grieving the loss of a relationship, it might well seem insensitive but it's none the less true, she checked out of the marriage emotionally a long time ago and found new love with a new man, I know not whether they are together right now? But she is morning the loss of what she had with him, maybe the A is over? Maybe she is moving in with him, but altogether the situation is now very different from what it was. The secrecy and illicit nature, the seedy dirty sex that was so awesome due to it being the forbidden fruits of lust, her keeping the vids is her emotional bond to "that" time, the special time when time stood still when they were together, when she was 16 again and life was just awesome.

Sorry she is such a tard, but you will get over it, I can assure you, how long it takes is upto you????...................


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*For starters, I'm not really a video type of guy, at least with myself involved in the movie. I don't even like watching myself on video either refereeing football games, lecturing, or giving speeches. But that's just me! The ones that I do have, I rarely ever take time to watch!

I have never starred in a "blue movie," nor will I ever! Both W's, at some points in our marriages, mildly hinted that they wouldn't mind doing it, but I fastly declined both offers largely on the premise that if they somehow got pissed at me(or vice-versa) or divorced, that such a video could end up going viral. No one really needs that!*


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *For starters, I'm not really a video type of guy, at least with myself involved in the movie. I don't even like watching myself on video either refereeing football games, lecturing, or giving speeches. But that's just me! The ones that I do have, I rarely ever take time to watch!
> 
> I have never starred in a "blue movie," nor will I ever! Both W's, at some points in our marriages, mildly hinted that they wouldn't mind doing it, but I fastly declined both offers largely on the premise that if they somehow got pissed at me(or vice-versa) or divorced, that such a video could end up going viral. No one really needs that!*


That's what even I feel. It would really feel awkward looking at yourself in such videos. Others' opinions may vary.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maybe she is just a perverted cheating wh0re?


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Maybe she is just a perverted cheating wh0re?


She is. She is also the mother of my kids. Freaking, eh?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She is a totally broken selfish self-centered individual. Don't let her break you. She kept the videos because she never had any respect for you whatsoever and got off reviewing the thrill screwing another man while she was married to you. Good riddance to her.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

The funny part is she was screwing him. I wish I could post those vids here. A guy in lingerie getting pegged. And yes, the dude looks like a lady.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I cant recall if she is happy about the divorce or wanted to reconcile. As a matter of fact, after your deleted first thread I cant tell what is going on with you. Most people get great advice by starting one thread and pretty much sticking with it. This allows posters to subscribe to that thread and follow the poster more closely.

Good luck to you and your family. So sorry you are here.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> She is. She is also the mother of my kids. Freaking, eh?


There is where my anger really kicks in.
Screwing your spouse over really sucks, but kids are a whole other level. 

They trust their parents and then get to enjoy the fallout for bad behavior they had no part in.

I'm going to go hit the heavy bag now. It seriously pisses me off.

Can't express how sorry I am for you and your kids.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> That's what even I feel. It would really feel awkward looking at yourself in such videos. Others' opinions may vary.


*Which leads me to ponder the question, that if, say a copy of an adulterous sex tape of my skanky XW and her lardass BF somehow fell into my hands, what would I do with it?

Truth be known, I'd probably watch it, more so out of sheer curiosity, much like we did with the "reel-to-reel" blue movies that we watched during our collegiate frat house days in the early 70's, laughing and critiqing all the way. 

And then I'd probably rewind it, upon completion, and just place it in my evidence folder, to possibly use against her in the impending divorce hearing!*

*But then again, I would have to theorize that most other BS's would largely do the very same thing!*


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> I cant recall if she is happy about the divorce or wanted to reconcile. As a matter of fact, after your deleted first thread I cant tell what is going on with you. Most people get great advice by starting one thread and pretty much sticking with it. This allows posters to subscribe to that thread and follow the poster more closely.
> 
> Good luck to you and your family. So sorry you are here.


I posted it once. People freaked out. Its freaky enough for trolls to be envious. I'll pm you guys today the whole thing. Just don't laugh at me after reading it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

brokeneric said:


> I posted it once. People freaked out. Its freaky enough for trolls to be envious. I'll pm you guys today the whole thing. Just don't laugh at me after reading it.


I guarantee we have seen worse. Unfortunately.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

for some persons is also part of the thrill, for example "the flood" also found images of her wife ****ing with OM in his home computer (that is how he found about the affair), and she does not have answer other than that she was a bad person, also like others told you, is to be able to revive the momento once and again


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, you didn't answer if she is happy about the divorce.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *Which leads me to ponder the question, that if, say a copy of an adulterous sex tape of my skanky XW and her lardass BF somehow fell into my hands, what would I do with it?
> 
> Truth be known, I'd probably watch it, more so out of sheer curiosity, much like we did with the "reel-to-reel" blue movies that we watched during our collegiate frat house days in the early 70's, laughing and critiqing all the way.
> 
> ...


We picked the worst of the worst.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> Btw, you didn't answer if she is happy about the divorce.


No. But she does understand it is essential. Nothing can be same again. We don't fight at all. She knows what she did destroyed everything we both created. I just feel extremely sad about this all. I keep reading others' threads to make myself angry. Anger keeps me on my feet. Sadness makes me curl up and cry.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If you know where she keeps the videos, then take them and either use them for evidence or get rid of them. Better yet, get rid of her.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Ok, I had to piece together from your posts the kinds of videos that your WW kept. Your WW has some kind of *dominatrix sex fetish* that she repressed from you and explored it to the fullest with the OM. From your posts, she had a strap on dildo fetish, she gave you rim jobs, she wanted to fist you anally, and have you dress in woman's lingerie. In other words, she wasn't into vanilla sex, not deep down, and OM let her engage her sexual fetishes to her heart's content. She's into some really freaky sh!t. 

I can only conclude that she kept those as her sexual turn on for her mind porn.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> I still don't understand why my WW chose to keep videos of her encounters with OM. Any ideas about this behavior?


Very unhealthy. Rather like bottling the contents of a favourite boil that you had lanced. Weird. And sick.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> No. But she does understand it is essential. Nothing can be same again. We don't fight at all. She knows what she did destroyed everything we both created. I just feel extremely sad about this all. I keep reading others' threads to make myself angry. Anger keeps me on my feet. Sadness makes me curl up and cry.


*Don't ever "curl," Eric! Trust me, although you may feel vastly different, rest assured that your situation is by far, not the worst of the worst! 

And just as you are reading these sad exposes here, let them give you some solace of that fact and inspire you to try to help out other hurting souls here, with your experience and knowledge.

That's the true consolation that I have found here at TAM!*


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> No. But she does understand it is essential. Nothing can be same again. We don't fight at all. She knows what she did destroyed everything we both created. I just feel extremely sad about this all. I keep reading others' threads to make myself angry. Anger keeps me on my feet. Sadness makes me curl up and cry.


If you have read threads from users like "Ing", "diissancahnted" and "workindad" "betrayeddad", you will see that it really gets better with time, they also loved deeply their wives and could not fathom their lives without they, and eventually (for some took a couple of years) came to the realization that they were better without them and that they did not understand how they endured the marriage for so long and how they tried R after their wives infidelity.

so with time it does really gets better, and you will be able to see things objectively


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Lordmayhem, you wrote my story and I am feeling awkward reading it. But thanks. I do need to make myself understand this happened to me. Putting a like on your post for putting it there bluntly.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

In answer to your thread title question, it seems obvious to me that since she had a fetish that is not common (not many men like to be fisted etc), the videos were kept as part of her sexual fetish. I don't think it was kept for any other reason.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

brokeneric said:


> Lordmayhem, you wrote my story and I am feeling awkward reading it. But thanks. I do need to make myself understand this happened to me. Putting a like on your post for putting it there bluntly.


I apologize if you feel awkward about it, I would too. I can see why you deleted your original thread, because it would look like a troll post. There are people out there with that sexual fetish, and your WW is one of them. The reality is that is who she is sexually. She kept those videos as her sexual turn on. It doesn't make the betrayal any less painful. Its like men who go to prostitutes to engage in sexual fantasies that they don't want their wives to do. Its still betrayal any way you look at it.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

lordmayhem said:


> I apologize if you feel awkward about it, I would too. I can see why you deleted your original thread, because it would look like a troll post. There are people out there with that sexual fetish, and your WW is one of them. The reality is that is who she is sexually. She kept those videos as her sexual turn on. It doesn't make the betrayal any less painful. Its like men who go to prostitutes to engage in sexual fantasies that they don't want their wives to do. Its still betrayal any way you look at it.


I had to reach for Xanax. I'll have to face what happened. Its difficult, its necessary. I can't go on for rest of my life pondering about these stuff. I can't thank you enough. I don't need sympathy, I need the brutal truth from an objective perspective. You gave me what is needed.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> The funny part is she was screwing him. I wish I could post those vids here. A guy in lingerie getting pegged. And yes, the dude looks like a lady.


Bit of a swine there Eric, I didn't fully understand the concept of the videos in my initial post as I had not read your original story and do not know what happened.

She didn't love this guy, sorry, I was wrong there.

I do fully know why she kept them now though, there aint no bigger turn on than seeing yourself fulfil your greatest fantasy, thing for her is that she chose to turn the fantasy into real life, the worst part was going outside the marriage to do it.

Why did she? Were you not game to play with her fantasies???


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Forgot to add in my last post.

My buddy who's girlfriend tried to blackmail me into an affair with her posted her "home movie"  on a porn site and then posted the link to her entire email contact list as well as posting it on her social networking pages too.

Every time I see a bottle of Pepsi I am reminded of that clip :slap:


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Why don't you tape over them?

The next time she goes to watch them, she gets to see the wizard of oz.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

wranglerman said:


> Why did she? Were you not game to play with her fantasies???


I couldn't do all those things she wanted. Believe me, I tried.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Cause she's a ho. True story eric. She's a ho and scrub. Her behavior has no result of you as a man, a husband or person. 

She is a morally bankrupt person. Soon she will be out of your life significantly. Unfortunately the divorce courts and the American marriage system in general heavily favors the "mommy" and the fragile female organism, so she will still have a lot of impact in your kids lives, even tho she is truly a disgusting POS. This is a fact. Sad but true. 

But... You will get better and be stronger. You NEED to go out and bang other chicks- this will help trust me. The rest you just gotta kinda accept and move on and let it roll off. 

Sh!t rolls downhill bro.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

TheFlood117 said:


> Cause she's a ho. True story eric. She's a ho and scrub. Her behavior has no result of you as a man, a husband or person.
> 
> She is a morally bankrupt person. Soon she will be out of your life significantly. Unfortunately the divorce courts and the American marriage system in general heavily favors the "mommy" and the fragile female organism, so she will still have a lot of impact in your kids lives, even tho she is truly a disgusting POS. This is a fact. Sad but true.
> 
> ...


Don't hate her so much bro. She doesn't have me, she doesn't have the kids. The OM is in prison. She had it all and lost everything.

I would have to start dating after my D is over. Been out of the game for a long time and kinda nervous out it. I have tried flirting on TAM itself though I sound like a socially awkward teen. No sex for the last 4 months. So my hands have been busy.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Other man in Prison out the picture. Check
Full custody of kids. Check.
WW lost dignity and all social and economic status of being a wife. Check. 

Sounds good to me. The rest is just on you. You in good shape? Good looking guy? Make money? 

If you got one of the above you can get laid easily. If you got 2 of the above you can get young hot stuff. 

If you have all three. They will come to you. 

I'd get off the computer and go out. You got single friends or a wingman? Pickin' up chicks is a numbers game. Even the best strikeout more than they connect, if you get my drift. 

Goal for this month. 10 percent batting average. 

Hit on 10 chicks. Pick up 1. 

Repeat. 

Try to get batting average at around 30 percent (Gold standard). That'd be an average of 3 chicks a month, that 36 chicks a year. 

That will just about do it, in getting confidence back and removing WW from memory. 

Trust me on this one. 

You just gotta do it. Being full time Dad and work could make this difficult. So instead of 10 per month. Cut that down to 4 or 5 per month, that'd mean roughly 6 chicks or so in a year. 

See, it's just a numbers game. Don't worry about it too much. Woman can sense uncertainty and indecisiveness a mile away. When in doubt put on a show. Be "persuasive" or just lie and act experienced and ultimate confident male, until you actually have some. It's always awkward bro, it's just degrees of awkwardness. Men and Women are so different and yet they like the same things in terms of attraction-good looking, in shape, confident mates. But make no mistake, it is a game. Just play the numbers.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I still box, so in shape. I got massive biceps which I heard is a turnoff for some women. I got a babyface, makes me look younger. Money is decent.

Another part of reluctance with dating is I hate women trying to be emotionally manipulative. I know that's how ladies operate but it triggers nasty memories of my mom. 

I tried being a player in my college days. Ended up hating myself for being more like my dad. Slowly I am realizing now how much of an emotional baggage I carry. Maybe I should date a counselor or shrink. IC+kissy= win:smthumbup:


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I'll follow zeFlood's advice and go hunting today.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> I'll follow zeFlood's advice and go hunting today.


Easy tiger, recon only!!! You ain't divorced yet!

Dip it and she has some mud to sling at you, stay sober until the deal is done.

Seen a few get burned by that behaviour around here.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> I'd get off the computer and go out. You got single friends or a wingman? Pickin' up chicks is a numbers game. Even the best strikeout more than they connect, if you get my drift.
> 
> Goal for this month. 10 percent batting average.
> 
> ...


I had to sound stuff here, but doesn't thinks recipe sound rather exploitative towards women?

Aren't you advocating this man sexually exploit women to boost his ego?

I can't imagine anyone on this forum would want their daughter to be used in this manner.

Something about this does not smell right.

Sounds almost other-man-like. Bad smell to it.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> The funny part is she was screwing him. I wish I could post those vids here. A guy in lingerie getting pegged. And yes, the dude looks like a lady.


srsly, be glad you are getting out of that.
what a fkin mess.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> I'll follow zeFlood's advice and go hunting today.


well, he doesn't have to go and actually get laid (yet), just getting some phone numbers is enough to practice his "social skills" although I am firm believer that if you are already filing divorce without hoping, expectiong or offering R, then you are as good as single (specially in the Bs cases).


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

manticore said:


> well, he doesn't have to go and actually get laid (yet), just getting some phone numbers is enough to practice his "social skills" although I am firm believer that if you are already filing divorce without hoping, expecting or offering R, then you are as good as single (specially in the Bs cases).


Nope. Until the paper's signed he should keep his pants zipped.

Stop using women to build confidence. These are not toys. Women ought to be treated with dignity and respect, not sexually exploited to heal a bruised ego.

There are far more constructive ways to build confidence than sexually exploiting naive women.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Seems to be some type of control issue with her. But doing what she did she has no control over her M or her kids. Very twisted.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Seems to be some type of control issue with her. But doing what she did she has no control over her M or her kids. Very twisted.


Thorburn, my qualifications in counselling are minor and old (never used in real life, as it were!) but might this behaviour be a sign of some kind of mental illness on the part of the wife?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Nope. *Until the paper's signed he should keep his pants zipped.*
> 
> Stop using women to build confidence. These are not toys. Women ought to be treated with dignity and respect, not sexually exploited to heal a bruised ego.
> 
> There are far more constructive ways to build confidence than sexually exploiting naive women.


We already had this argument once, in other thread, I respect your point of view but I disagree, is choice of Eric what to do here.

regarding your phrase "using women", you put it as if he is going to be manipulating them, and the word "exploiting" is hilarious, women also enjoy ONS, did you knew it?, or all the women who have ONS are victims of deceiving players (LOL).

besides, I suggested him to go and get phone numbers, to form social relationships, he can just invite them a coffe and then decide that that is the extend of the relationship he wants with them (Eric already declared that player style was not for him)


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Thorburn, my qualifications in counselling are minor and old (never used in real life, as it were!) but might this behaviour be a sign of some kind of mental illness on the part of the wife?


It might. I have not heard enough here to make a call. But not all twisted stuff is a mental or behavioral disorder per-se. 

Years ago I did some research on fetishes. It would be a long post if I got into all the details. But a fetish can be developed fairly quickly. The brain can be wired by certain stimuli in a sexually way. Typically there are stages of exposure to stimuli and after some time a fetish is developed. Most of us are not put into the position to develop fetishes because our boundaries don't allow us to go through the various stages. Often times we are grossed out even at the thought and that is enough to stop us from even getting to first base.

So whatever the story, it is definitely mental, as it is in the brain. Whether it is a disorder, I don't have enough info. 

There are some people who start fires and masturbate at the fire scene. Some fetishes are downright dangerous and illegal.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Went to the bar with two single friends. Got asked out for Vday by a really cute single mom . I said yes.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

manticore said:


> regarding your phrase "using women", you put it as if he is going to be manipulating them, and the word "exploiting" is hilarious, women also enjoy ONS, did you knew it?, or all the women who have ONS are victims of deceiving players (LOL).


Just because you think sexually exploiting women is "hilarious" does not make it respectable behavior.

Whether someone 'likes' something does not mean it's respectable either.

There are people that "like" heroin. I would most certainly not advocate them to partake in it.

Dating and hooking up with women when you are hurting from a failed marriage is just stupid.

You are just advocating people use women like an anti-depressant and then discard them later when done with them.

_Women aren't toys, nor are they an alternative to health care medication.
_
It's offensive. This is how single men often use married women. It's pretty repulsive to hear someone talk like they are, particularly on a marriage help site.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Allen_A said:


> Just because you think sexually exploiting women is "hilarious" does not make it respectable behavior.


Sexually exploiting is applicable if it is a minor. If someone can vote, can get a driving license, a firearm permit, they obviously can decide if they want to hook up with someone.



Allen_A said:


> Whether someone 'likes' something does not mean it's respectable either. There are people that "like" heroin. I would most certainly not advocate them to partake in it.


Intimacy with the opposite sex is addictive but essential and productive behavior. Heroin, meth, coke are destructive behavior.



Allen_A said:


> Dating and hooking up with women when you are hurting from a failed marriage is just stupid.


Its not stupid, its therapeutic. It helps heal the hole created in your psyche. You don't look at the calender and decide 'today is the day I fall in love with someone and get married'. It is a gradual process. Dating ain't easy. You require a pretty good reason to go for it. What's more compelling than hurt?



Allen_A said:


> You are just advocating people use women like an anti-depressant and then discard them later when done with them.


Who says you have to discard them? If you connect with someone, stay. If not, why stay?



Allen_A said:


> _Women aren't toys, nor are they an alternative to health care medication._


They aren't toys. They are humans and deserve to be treated with the same respect and care you think you deserve. But they help you heal. The right woman in your life can change your world.



Allen_A said:


> It's offensive. This is how single men often use married women. It's pretty repulsive to hear someone talk like they are, particularly on a marriage help site.


The whole post by manticore has been misinterpreted. Its about dating and hookups- not specifically targeting married women. 

Just how I see it. No offense to anyone.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Thorburn said:


> It might. I have not heard enough here to make a call. But not all twisted stuff is a mental or behavioral disorder per-se.
> 
> Years ago I did some research on fetishes. It would be a long post if I got into all the details. *But a fetish can be developed fairly quickly*. The brain can be wired by certain stimuli in a sexually way. Typically there are stages of exposure to stimuli and after some time a fetish is developed. Most of us are not put into the position to develop fetishes because our boundaries don't allow us to go through the various stages. Often times we are grossed out even at the thought and that is enough to stop us from even getting to first base.
> 
> ...


Quite informative. I do agree with your statement that a fetish can be developed fairly quickly as I felt it myself. I went through the feet thread and now I keep noticing ladies' feet and thinking what I might do with them.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Went to the bar with two single friends. Got asked out for Vday by a really cute single mom . I said yes.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ALwKeSEYs


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> The whole post by manticore has been misinterpreted.


Ty Eric, you pretty much said most of the points I wanted to clarify, and you are really polite, because my post was not misinterpreted but purposely distorted.



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(I decided to to delete the rest of the post, useless rants out out of topic, and it would just encourage more out of topic discussion)


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Take a picture it will last longer.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

For me just wrong on so many levels. Any stench of "R", that I would consider is true as* remorse. But in an instant replay, or the tie goes to the runner type deal. Just knowing it would suck, much less finding them and watching. I think at this point since the marriage is kaput, may she burn in he**, but that is the mother of your children, so a slow simmer is in order, for now. To answer your question, all about respect and love, she thought nothing of it, to do that and make a keepsake. Nice woman.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Sexually exploiting is applicable if it is a minor. If someone can vote, can get a driving license, a firearm permit, they obviously can decide if they want to hook up with someone.


Uh.. no. Adult women get exploited all the time by men. And no I dont' think just because a female can vote, drive, or fire a gun that they are always in a good place to decide what's best for them sexually. Heck, the mile long list of women who are reported to be cheating on their spouse is evidence alone that women aren't always in a good place to make healthy choices for themselves. Since when did all the women of the world heal all of their issues so they have a clear head to make mature judgements about romantic involvements? Did I sleep through it?




brokeneric said:


> Intimacy with the opposite sex is addictive but essential and productive behavior. Heroin, meth, coke are destructive behavior.


Uh no, it's not essential, and it's not always productive. Your logic would justify an affair partner sleeping with a married woman.



brokeneric said:


> Its not stupid, its therapeutic. It helps heal the hole created in your psyche. You don't look at the calender and decide 'today is the day I fall in love with someone and get married'. It is a gradual process. Dating ain't easy. You require a pretty good reason to go for it. What's more compelling than hurt?


Sorry, but it's not therapeutic. If you are hurt, you heal that yourself, you don't use women for that. This is why relationships don't work in many cases.. people getting romantically involved for the wrong reasons.

_When your emotions and your brain are ready THEN you get romantically/sexually involved with a member of the opposite sex. You don't get romantically/sexually involved with a member of the opposite sex to get your brain and emotions ready for romantic involvement.
_

That's like saying "I am not ready for a baby, so I will just go out there and have one to get me ready."



brokeneric said:


> Who says you have to discard them? If you connect with someone, stay. If not, why stay?


An intention to even possibly discard a female after usage is just sickening to even suggest.



brokeneric said:


> They aren't toys. They are humans and deserve to be treated with the same respect and care you think you deserve. But they help you heal. The right woman in your life can change your world.


No, they don't help you heal. They distract you from looking inward and healing yourself.

Women are not band-aids, sorry. They are human beings.

If you have emotional baggage you are dragging around from a failed marriage you do NOT expose an innocent victim to that nonsense. You clean your own life up first. _When you are stable and ready to explore a possible romantic involvement again, then you go and do that._



> The whole post by manticore has been misinterpreted. Its about dating and hookups- not specifically targeting married women.
> 
> Just how I see it. No offense to anyone.


And I don't agree with it. I am not misinterpreting it : you and he are advocating pursuing innocent women and exposing them to the baggage of a failed marriage in order to use them to repair it.

Sorry, but women aren't a first-aid kit for marital baggage. You deal with that first before you expose other women to that nonsense.

_This is the same logic people use to justify affairs.
_
Women don't want to go through all that crap. They want a healthy, stable, emotionally mature adult, or at least that's what they need. Exposing them to anything less is exploitative.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Women don't want to go through all that crap. They want a healthy, stable, emotionally mature adult, or at least that's what they need. Allowing them to cheat on you with her old high school boyfriends and ONS on GNOs, holding you in a sexless marriage while they go out and fvck the bar tender in the store room, making you feel inadequate as a man by coming home with a horse c0ck sized dildo and then making you watch as she does "interesting things" with it in her a$$, knowing you want to go there but she won't let you.


Corrected for accurracy.

Al, stop it already, I heard this crap a bllion times and now they have their "equality" they can be equally responsible for their faults in this life.

PS, I am beginning to find you pedestal for women insulting, keep going and I will report your posts, if it bugs you so much head into the appropriate section and post a thread on it, stop cluttering up other folks threads with that BS, say it once and leave it alone. I have my ideas in life you have yours, respect mine and I'll repect yours, but if I don't ram mine down your throat then please be polite and do the same


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

I hardly think calling someone's posts "BS" is respectful. Do you?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> I hardly think calling someone's posts "BS" is respectful. Do you?


there is hardly any other way to call your posts but that, if you see "wranglerman" posts, he kind of agrees with your idelogy in some points, the difference is that he is respectful and don't go with his own agenda distorting other people's post, and bashing users trying to make them look as if we are pro infidelity which is ludicrous.

you had nothing but negative comments in this thread, not a single comment of support or advice, just bashing of how b*stards we and our idelogy is. (obviously distorted in your own mind).

I deleted a big post that I made yesterday to avoid unecessary conflict, but you just don't give up in trying to impose your idelogy over others with ridiculous statements declaring us exploiters of women.

don't ask for respect if you are not willing to offer it.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

White flag up at my end. Allen wins.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Now now children, he's a grown man, going out with grown women, let thou internet cowboys stop moralizing over the mans decisions. Let him get tail! Let the ladies get what they want as well. ADULTS!!


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> Now now children, he's a grown man, going out with grown women, let thou internet cowboys stop moralizing over the mans decisions. Let him get tail! Let the ladies get what they want as well. ADULTS!!


I dont' agree, but I am not getting into it. I have explained my thoughts on this already.

Let it go.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

I get two things from this thread:
1 - *TheFlood117* is one guy I'd want with me on a night out on the town pulling women.
2 - The 'other poster' on here would probably talk me into becoming a doormatted-cuckold.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

davecarter said:


> I get two things from this thread:
> 1 - *TheFlood117* is one guy I'd want with me on a night out on the town pulling women.
> 2 - The 'other poster' on here would probably talk me into becoming a doormatted-cuckold.


:iagree:


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

I feel very sorry for your loss dude. You were pretty incompatible sexually, and this is one solution for you.

But as I read thru this and other similar threads, there is a common denominator. they are all stories like this "honey, I love you very much but I think I need more/kinkier/different sex than we are getting in the bedroom. I heard about this online/in cosmo/in 50 shades/from my GFs and wondered if we could at least try it out...."

And the answer, invariably, is "no way, I am not into that weird kinky stuff".

Then, 1 or two years down the line you see the spouse posting "I do not know what happened. We were having great sex 2, maybe 3 times a month, then I find a video she "left" on the computer of her with two midgets, a donkey, and one pre op tranny...do not know what to do! Help!"

Well, marriage is about change, keeping things fresh, new experiences, adventures. Due to human nature and our genetic programming, one of those new adventures is bound to be sexual in nature. If you are mildly incompatible, but the other spouse says "I need to try this new thing out, it is really turning me on"....well you had darned well better try to satisfy her. I am not saying the OP should have dawned women's lingerie and braced for a pegging! BUT, maybe let her try some handcuffs on you, maybe a blindfold....anything a little different from the usual Saturday night missionary position. I have a strong hunch that that slightly enhanced physical sex, along with some porn/chatting/cyber, the more dominant spouse might be satisfied with that and NOT go looking. 

I guess what I am saying is, do not be so black and white...if your partner is asking for something...you should seriously entertain the thought.


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## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

Spanz, you can't be serious ... To me, this seems a little more involved than simply refusing to be adventurous with your spouse. I can't imagine many married men would entertain these particular requests.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

spanz said:


> I feel very sorry for your loss dude. You were pretty incompatible sexually, and this is one solution for you.
> 
> But as I read thru this and other similar threads, there is a common denominator. they are all stories like this "honey, I love you very much but I think I need more/kinkier/different sex than we are getting in the bedroom. I heard about this online/in cosmo/in 50 shades/from my GFs and wondered if we could at least try it out...."
> 
> ...


My query about this is:
1 - Wouldn't a couple, pre-marriage, at least have had some idea of what they were into sexually....before they decided _"this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with"?_

2 - If not, then it suggests some serious lack of open-communication between husband and wife...unless one of the couple develops some kink that they feel ashamed about or that their oppo. would not be into.

e.g
Me: _"I love you. I want to be with you. Forever"_
Girlfriend:_ "I actually don't enjoy giving blow-jobs"_
Me:_ "TAXI!!!"_


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

davecarter said:


> Me: _"I love you. I want to be with you. Forever"_
> Girlfriend:_ "I actually don't enjoy giving blow-jobs"_
> Me:_ "TAXI!!!"_


:rofl:

I tried to do these stuff, but somehow I find them really humiliating. There are some lines, no matter how much you try you can't cross. She couldn't express them to me. I am responsible for her unsatisfied fetishes. But I am not responsible for her stepping out on the wedding vows.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I did allow her to peg me. How many TAMers allowed that?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I tried to do these stuff, but somehow I find them really humiliating. There are some lines, no matter how much you try you can't cross. She couldn't express them to me. I am responsible for her unsatisfied fetishes. But I am not responsible for her stepping out on the wedding vows.



Yeah I draw the line on the strap on thing also.
I mean I'm kinky but...


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Yeah I draw the line on the strap on thing also.
> I mean I'm kinky but...


Trust me dude, if aren't really into it, you would feel violated. It's my own experience.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> Trust me dude, if aren't really into it, you would feel violated. It's my own experience.


It would be a deal breaker for me.
It's unfortunate I guess people change some more than others.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I tried to save our marriage by going against my core sexuality. Still nothing came out of it.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Nope. Until the paper's signed he should keep his pants zipped.
> 
> Stop using women to build confidence. These are not toys. Women ought to be treated with dignity and respect, not sexually exploited to heal a bruised ego.
> 
> There are far more constructive ways to build confidence than sexually exploiting naive women.


Sigh.... You seem to bring this point of view up in many threads including your own. You seriously need to get out of this mindset that all men are wolves and all woman are sheep for the slaughter. You passively insult women with these comments implying essentially they are too dumb to realize they are being played. 

Most of them, including your wife, know full well what's going on and invite it in because they WANT it. They just tend to be slightly more subtle due to antiquated societal expectations. So don't sit there and insinuate that they are too naive to be held accountable for their actions because no one here really buys that nonsense.

You need to wise up. It's the 21st century. Women and men have the same capacity to be equally selfish and disgusting to each other. No one forces them to do anything. They can say "no" and walk away whenever they want.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

About keeping the pants zipped, I have been using hands. Is that also a no-no?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> *About keeping the pants zipped, I have been using hands. Is that also a no-no?*


*Just so long as you're not using those hands out in a public setting!*


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> Sigh.... You seem to bring this point of view up in many threads including your own. You seriously need to get out of this mindset that all men are wolves and all woman are sheep for the slaughter. You passively insult women with these comments implying essentially they are too dumb to realize they are being played.
> 
> Most of them, including your wife, know full well what's going on and invite it in because they WANT it. They just tend to be slightly more subtle due to antiquated societal expectations. So don't sit there and insinuate that they are too naive to be held accountable for their actions because no one here really buys that nonsense.
> 
> You need to wise up. It's the 21st century. Women and men have the same capacity to be equally selfish and disgusting to each other. No one forces them to do anything. They can say "no" and walk away whenever they want.


This post alone....perfectly illustrates why certain 'modern-New-Men' seem bewildered and unable to act when their wife cheats on them:
_"But you're...you're...a woman. You're sweet and innocent and need protecting. You 'make love' in the dark...in one position.
"_
LOLZ.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

BobSimmons said:


> Now now children, he's a grown man, going out with grown women, let thou internet cowboys stop moralizing over the mans decisions. Let him get tail! Let the ladies get what they want as well. ADULTS!!


As long as everyone is open up front about their intentions, there is nothing wrong with informed consenting adults engaging in some fun.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

davecarter said:


> This post alone....perfectly illustrates why certain 'modern-New-Men' seem bewildered and unable to act when their wife cheats on them:
> _"But you're...you're...a woman. You're sweet and innocent and need protecting. You 'make love' in the dark...in one position.
> "_
> LOLZ.


There is an outstanding movie from 1971 called "Carnal Knowledge" with Art Garfunkel and Jack Nicholson (and a red hot Ann Margaret!!). It plays on Turner Classic Movies, and may be available via online streaming.

Garfunkel's character is a new age Nice Guy modern-new-man as you describe. Nicholson is his college roommate and lifelong buddy, who is a womanizer.

Watch the characters played by Candice Bergen (Garfunkel's college love) and I think Cynthia O'Neal (Garfunkel's girlfriend later). Both women respond to the Nice Guy Garfunkel in one way, and to Nicholson another way.

The women are open to sexuality with a man who makes it clear he is interested. They are willing participants.

It is an excellent movie, though not uplifting. I think there is a lot of truth about human nature in the movie. And no real clarity on a moral superiority.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> You need to wise up. It's the 21st century. Women and men have the same capacity to be equally selfish and disgusting to each other. No one forces them to do anything. They can say "no" and walk away whenever they want.


If you think women never get sexually exploited by men you are the one who needs to wise up...

But I digress...

I don't care what century we are in.. it happens.. and often.

This forum is proof of that in spades.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Allen_A said:


> If you think women never get sexually exploited by men you are the one who needs to wise up...
> 
> But I digress...
> 
> ...


I give up on women. I am ordering a fleshlight , happy?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> This forum is proof of that in spades.


You're right about one thing. This forum is full of BS's who solely blame the "evil" AP and are far too quick to forgive the WS. Obviously the WS's were innocent victims of the AP's jedi mind tricks and never had ANY intention of cheating before the AP convinced them to throw it ALL for some cheap sex. Yes, I see now. It was just a horrible 3, 6, 12, 24, etc. month "mistake". These people were too naïve to understand and we must spend the rest of our lives demonizing this AP because our true love would never have done this with anyone else EXCEPT this person. What a cruel twist of fate... Oh, the horror... The horror...


FYI: The BS fog is just as real as the WS fog..... I've seen that in spades here too.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> You passively insult women with these comments implying essentially they are too dumb to realize they are being played.


Wow... 

The fact is some posters here have a very narrow perspective of how a lot of women get treated by men.

Many men lie, cheat, and abandon women.
Many men rape women.
Some men beat women senseless, even hospitalize them.

And a few men even go as far as to murder women.

If you guys here want to make jokes about "hunting" women and counting them up as a numbers game you are certainly free to do that. It is a free country.

But I will tell you something. The commentary you guys make is very similar to the thought processes of the men I have tallied up above. A lot of rapists use the same logic.. "she WANTS it... she LIKES it.." blah blah blah.

It's pretty offensive guys.

I have worked in the social work industry for many years. i have seen battered women first hand, been to battered women's shelters.

The kind of commentary I have read on this thread is pretty offensive from that perspective.

Women aren't on this planet for your sexual use and humor. Sorry to break the news to you.

Women may offer, sex, but healthy women with self-respect, women who aren't ill, damaged, or desperate, want respect from men more than they want sex. Women who are ill, damaged, or desperate may offer sex, but anyone that uses them for that purpose is doing just that, using them.

Why don't you try treating women the way you would want someone treating your own daughter. You may find you can hold your head a bit higher at the end of the day.

Women don't want to be notches in your bedpost. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Heck I have two sisters, both married. I have shown them both this thread and they are pretty disgusted and would not give men with that attitude the time of day. And no, they aren't cheating, money-hungry, liars either.

I am willing to bet you don't talk like this with these women in front of you. "Hey baby, you want to be lucky number ten?" Not bloody likely.

If you want women to respect you rather than to cheat and lie, then try treating women with some respect. This is a marriage help forum, not a locker room.

I like women and sex as much as any other guy. But I have also visited battered women's shelters and I have many friends who work in social work. The attitude you are advocating here is not a healthy one. Sorry.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

You think your sisters don't talk about hot guys they'd like to get with? Just cause they're married doesn't mean they're dead. However, there's a big difference between locker room talk (among guys AND girls) and cheating much like I don't know.... there's a big difference between asking a girl out on a date and being a rapist. Yet that's the connection you want us to make because we advised the OP to try to focus his attention away from his toxic spouse.

I know I'll never convince you but I find the lack of credit you give women for being able to make their own decisions, because they are some how too dumb or naive, kind of frightening. Good luck with perspective. It explains why some people take back their cheating wives so easily I guess...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*BetrayedDad: Please don't begin to count me in that number of the "Taker-Backers!" That will never ever happen!*


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Relax gentlemen. With the arrival of spring, squirrels would emerge and keep A company. Appreciate his company till then.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Allen_A said:


> Wow...
> 
> The fact is some posters here have a very narrow perspective of how a lot of women get treated by men.
> 
> ...


Do NOT compare going out and meeting and dating women with domestic violence, rape, and murder. That's ridiculous.

Sure, I've been to shelters too. Don't make all women out to be victims. You know what my very first domestic violence arrest out of the academy was? It was a woman, and she tried to kick out the windows of my police cruiser. Then there are those who call us and claim they were abused when there's no evidence to support it, but they think because they are women, they can get their men in trouble because they are vindictive, etc.

You took the OPs post about going out and meeting women and made it that he's going out there to use and abuse women. WTF is that? *There are women out there on the prowl and looking to hook up for sex too* you know, didn't you know that? The only thing I disagree with the OP with is that I also think he should wait until he's divorced, but that's his choice.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

lordmayhem said:


> Do NOT compare going out and meeting and dating women with domestic violence, rape, and murder. That's ridiculous.
> 
> Sure, I've been to shelters too - from the law enforcement end. Don't make all women out to be victims. You know what my very first domestic violence arrest out of the academy was? It was a woman, and she tried to kick out the windows of my police cruiser. Then there are those who call us and claim they were abused when there's no evidence to support it, but they think because they are women, they can get their men in trouble because they are vindictive, etc.
> 
> You took the OPs post about going out and meeting women and made it that he's going out there to use and abuse women. WTF is that? *There are women out there on the prowl and looking to hook up for sex too* you know, didn't you know that? The only thing I disagree with the OP with is that I also think he should wait until he's divorced, but that's his choice.


mayhem, relax and just wait for spring. All nuts are picked up and stored by squirrels away from us.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

manticore said:


> women also enjoy ONS, did you knew it?, or all the women who have ONS are victims of deceiving players (LOL).





lordmayhem said:


> *There are women out there on the prowl and looking to hook up for sex too* you know, didn't you know that?


I already tried to explain him this, and he accused me of being an exploiter of women, supporter of infidelity and the worst trash that ever dared to post in TAM.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> There are women out there on the prowl and looking to hook up for sex too you know, didn't you know that?


I work in a small, open-plan office with six other women...and I can tell you, a lot of the conversations ain't the 'oh where is my respectful knight in shining armor' type.

Monday morning musings usually go along the lines of _"who partied / got drunk / got fcuked at the weekend"_ and if you mistakenly happen to join in or interject, it's usually: _"why don't modern men have any balls"_?

All of them, even the married ones, basically complain about lack of manly-men today.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Lol! What's with the *pedestal* for women? Dating...and banging the day lights out of women is not the same as beating women, raping women, or murdering women. As I recall, that's doing a "straw man" fallacy. The subject has turned to emotionally recovering from divorce, dating again, and yeah, getting back into the saddle of being a confident, sexually successful *MAN*

Broke, stay positive, stay focused, and go out and have fun, brother! Bang lots of women! Yeah, lots of single, adult women love getting worked. They love you to chase them, wine them, dine them, and bang them until they scream! Over and over! Go for it, my friend! Yeah, you need to rebuild your ego. Your sense of attractiveness, your confidence as a man, has been shattered. Hit the gym, dress well, and start chatting up the women! At work, out and about, online, everywhere. Go get it! Having women on you, sexing you, calling you every day, offering themselves to you...yeah, it *is* emotionally healthy.

After my divorce, I jumped into "dating" like a hungry shark. Dating has changed, my friend, a lot from 20 years ago! That's for damn sure! Most women expect sex by the third date--at the latest. Otherwise, they assume there's no "chemistry" and move on. Women are horny, and love sex. Most will be very eager to sweat with you on the first date. Be dressed well, look good, be charming and able to talk about many topics. Be sensual, teasing, and alluring. You will be amazed by how hungry and crazy women will get for you. Add in some frequent phone calls, some late night chats where you whisper some wicked, sensual things to her, and your phone will blow the eff up from the women eager and hungry for *more*.

Innocent? Lol. Yeah, right! Respect? Sure, women want you to respect them. Call them promptly, speak to them politely. Communicate to them up front what you want and what you expect. Remember, though, women want a passionate, strong man to desire them, and eff them until they scream. Be the rugged man they have to work to please! As long as you're just dating, don't volunteer everything. Don't give them every detail of your schedule. Be a bit mysterious. Remember...women *love* this!!!

Stay Strong, Broke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Centurions said:


> After my divorce, I jumped into "dating" like a hungry shark. Dating has changed, my friend, a lot from 20 years ago! That's for damn sure! Most women expect sex by the third date--at the latest. Otherwise, they assume there's no "chemistry" and move on. Women are horny, and love sex. Most will be very eager to sweat with you on the first date. Be dressed well, look good, be charming and able to talk about many topics. Be sensual, teasing, and alluring. You will be amazed by how hungry and crazy women will get for you. Add in some frequent phone calls, some late night chats where you whisper some wicked, sensual things to her, and your phone will blow the eff up from the women eager and hungry for *more*.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


According to Allen, you exploited all of those women, used them as sex toys to patch your ego, and discarted them heartbroken.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Allen, did the patriarchy pee in your Corn Flakes this morning or something?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

manticore said:


> I already tried to explain him this, and he accused me of being an exploiter of women, supporter of infidelity and the worst trash that ever dared to post in TAM.


:iagree:

He went over the top when he posted the beating, rape, and murder stuff, as if that equates to this situation. The part that had me was this:



Allen_A said:


> Heck I have two sisters, both married. *I have shown them both this thread and they are pretty disgusted* and would not give men with that attitude the time of day. And no, they aren't cheating, money-hungry, liars either.


He actually had to get outside validation from his sisters no less. Seriously.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Manticore! Yeah, that's right! 

I was online, reading these women--on a dating site forum--where these women were proclaiming how they just want to date lots of men and have *fun*!! Nothing serious, not ready for committed relationships, love getting frucked by lots of different men--(oops, I meant they said "dating" lots of different men)--and there was lots of "you go, girl!"; "good for you!"; and so on. The *women* were all for it.

When I was chatting with some chick, she asked me, point blank if I had lots of women chasing me. I said yeah, I've got three or four women in a "stable". Lol. Half a dozen other women calling me routinely for phone sex, several women chatting me up online, and wanting to "date" me. She said I was a *PLAYER* and an "evil, sexy bastard!".

I said, "that's right, sexy. I'm a wicked sinner!" 

She said, "when are we gonna get together? I promise you, I will be at the top of your stable!"

Other women were incensed, and thought I was being mean and exploitive. Lol. Such effing hypocrisy! 

Yeah. I was absolutely *ruthless*. The women tingle and want to play games? Fine. I'm the *Game Master* and I'll show them how it's done! 

Checkmate, ladies.  there's good reasons why most women suck at chess. Dating is like a chess game. 

I play to *win*. 

Lots of women are so delusional, it's funny. It's ok for them to keep "stables" of lovers--conveniently never telling any of the men about the *other* men, having "fun" and "keeping it casual"--but god damn you if you as a *MAN* do the same thing...lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Some advise needed. A friend just called up. His wife just gave aILUBNILWY speech. She said she has fallen in love with someone else and wants a quick divorce. I am going to pick him up now. He would be staying with me before he does something stupid. I was supposed to go out to my date's place for 2 days tomorrow. Should I cancel it and be there for him?


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Tell him to jump on the D while she is in the fog. Get great terms and move on.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Some advise needed. A friend just called up. His wife just gave aILUBNILWY speech. She said she has fallen in love with someone else and wants a quick divorce. I am going to pick him up now. He would be staying with me before he does something stupid. I was supposed to go out to my date's place for 2 days tomorrow. Should I cancel it and be there for him?



Yep. More will come later. Be honest with lady friend. Support friend. Tell friend about TAM. Direct friend about 180, cold disconnect from WW, and tell him to file Divorce first. Expose OM. You know, par for the course type of stuff. 

But support your friend. 

How are you doing? 

Glad you're going out and getting chicks. That's a GREAT sign.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

He is gone crazy at the moment. I tell him D now and my kids might be orphaned.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

TheFlood117 said:


> Yep. More will come later. Be honest with lady friend. Support friend. Tell friend about TAM. Direct friend about 180, cold disconnect from WW, and tell him to file Divorce first. Expose OM. You know, par for the course type of stuff.
> 
> But support your friend.
> 
> ...


That's why I am getting him to my place. He can go through TAM. If he wants an account, he can make one. But I'll make him go through your thread. Nothing more inspiring. 

I am in deep sh!t and I feel sorry for him. Irony, eh? I have started at least flirting on the TAM singles thread. Does wonders to your ego. Dates would come a dozen, friends are few. I'll let her know and skip this time. No exploitation of women


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> That's why I am getting him to my place. He can go through TAM. If he wants an account, he can make one. But I'll make him go through your thread. Nothing more inspiring.
> 
> I am in deep sh!t and I feel sorry for him. Irony, eh? I have started at least flirting on the TAM singles thread. Does wonders to your ego. Dates would come a dozen, friends are few. I'll let her know and skip this time. No exploitation of women


Good for you. Seem a little happier than before. Glad you're at least relatively happy and beginning to accept things for what they are. 

"Exploitation of women".... Yes, yes... We've dismissed such claims.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> That's why I am getting him to my place. He can go through TAM. If he wants an account, he can make one. But I'll make him go through your thread. Nothing more inspiring.


Eric carefull there, moderators detect if many accounts are made in the same computer and they can accuse you of being a troll fabricating many identities and block the accounts.

and you may be banned form TAM.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Took my buddy through few depressing threads. I have asked him to play doormat now. Gave him one of my VARs so that he can get and record a confession. If the terms are favorable he will accept a mutual divorce. And then go nuclear with the affair. The OM is a known DV offender. Don't know what is wife is thinking.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

brokeneric said:


> Took my buddy through few depressing threads. I have asked him to play doormat now. Gave him one of my VARs so that he can get and record a confession. If the terms are favorable he will accept a mutual divorce. And then go nuclear with the affair. The OM is a known DV offender. Don't know what is wife is thinking.


She sounds like a male expoiter to me. Next we will be reading how she raped her husband, beat him up and then murdered him and ran off with the OM.

On a serious note, you are the man in helping your friend.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Triggering bad today. Need some hugs.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Centurions said:


> Dating has changed, my friend, a lot from 20 years ago! That's for damn sure! Most women expect sex by the third date--at the latest. Otherwise, they assume there's no "chemistry" and move on. Women are horny, and love sex. Most will be very eager to sweat with you on the first date. Be dressed well, look good, be charming and able to talk about many topics. Be sensual, teasing, and alluring. You will be amazed by how hungry and crazy women will get for you. Add in some frequent phone calls, some late night chats where you whisper some wicked, sensual things to her, and your phone will blow the eff up from the women eager and hungry for *more*.
> 
> Innocent? Lol. Yeah, right! Respect? Sure, women want you to respect them. Call them promptly, speak to them politely. Communicate to them up front what you want and what you expect. Remember, though, women want a passionate, strong man to desire them, and eff them until they scream. Be the rugged man they have to work to please! As long as you're just dating, don't volunteer everything. Don't give them every detail of your schedule. Be a bit mysterious. Remember...women *love* this!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have recently come to the realization that you are correct that this is true for many, probably even most women. Aggressive and ultra confident men seem to have no problem attracting women even when they are insincere and kind of jerk. However, I doubt that I can ever be that kind of man even if I tried. I'm a classic stupid nice guy who is too gentle and shows care when I like someone. I'm not aggressive about sex because I have always wanted the warmth and closeness of a relationship - then have all kinds of exciting and carefree sex with that person. My recent fiancé, who I had to end with told me that she loved me because she felt comfortable and safe with me. I realize that is definitely not enough.

I wish that I could change that about me, but it's really not who I am. At least I do know who I am. One thing positive is that I will be strong enough to end any relationship in the early stages when I see that she is not as in to me as I am into her.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Triggering bad today. Need some hugs.


Platonic guy hug coming your way. 

Your wife is amoral. Its not your fault. Be glad you are seeing her true self and that you didn't have to spend more years being exploited.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Steve1000 said:


> I have recently come to the realization that you are correct that this is true for many, probably even most women. Aggressive and ultra confident men seem to have no problem attracting women even when they are insincere and kind of jerk. However, I doubt that I can ever be that kind of man even if I tried. I'm a classic stupid nice guy who is too gentle and shows care when I like someone. I'm not aggressive about sex because I have always wanted the warmth and closeness of a relationship - then have all kinds of exciting and carefree sex with that person. My recent fiancé, who I had to end with told me that she loved me because she felt comfortable and safe with me. I realize that is definitely not enough.
> 
> I wish that I could change that about me, but it's really not who I am. At least I do know who I am. One thing positive is that I will be strong enough to end any relationship in the early stages when I see that she is not as in to me as I am into her.


When the right one comes you wont need to change.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

The same as a drunk keeping a collection of empty bottles to smell whenever they are tempted to drink again.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

illwill said:


> When the right one comes you wont need to change.


*Great advice for your 999th post, Illwill! I really couldn't have said it any better!*


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Steve1000 said:


> I have recently come to the realization that you are correct that this is true for many, probably even most women. Aggressive and ultra confident men seem to have no problem attracting women even when they are insincere and kind of jerk. However, I doubt that I can ever be that kind of man even if I tried. I'm a classic stupid nice guy who is too gentle and shows care when I like someone. I'm not aggressive about sex because I have always wanted the warmth and closeness of a relationship - then have all kinds of exciting and carefree sex with that person. My recent fiancé, who I had to end with told me that she loved me because she felt comfortable and safe with me. I realize that is definitely not enough.
> 
> I wish that I could change that about me, but it's really not who I am. At least I do know who I am. One thing positive is that I will be strong enough to end any relationship in the early stages when I see that she is not as in to me as I am into her.


This is the paradox men have to be able to balance:
1 Women gravitate toward the aggressive/confident men and won't settle with them but continue to go back to them because, usually, the sex is pretty off-the-chart.

2 - Women gravitate toward the selfless, caring guy who they feel 'comfortable & safe' with but run the risk of having their head turned buy the guys in #1

If guys have to play both roles - women have absolutely no where else to go.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

davecarter said:


> This is the paradox men have to be able to balance:
> 1 Women gravitate toward the aggressive/confident men and won't settle with them but continue to go back to them because, usually, the sex is pretty off-the-chart.
> 
> 2 - Women gravitate toward the selfless, caring guy who they feel 'comfortable & safe' with but run the risk of having their head turned buy the guys in #1
> ...


Play both sides and people would think you are BPD. Oh Well, you can't satisfy everyone.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

davecarter said:


> This is the paradox men have to be able to balance:
> 1 Women gravitate toward the aggressive/confident men and won't settle with them but continue to go back to them because, usually, the sex is pretty off-the-chart.
> 
> 2 - Women gravitate toward the selfless, caring guy who they feel 'comfortable & safe' with but run the risk of having their head turned buy the guys in #1
> ...


I thought that I was giving my ex the best sex possible and make it exciting. However my way was trying to understand what she liked and to concentrate on how to give her pleasure. I later discovered through text messages that the best sex she probably ever had was with a man who was aggressive and just helped himself without caring about what she wanted. After their 2nd dinner and first sexual encounter, he did not remember her name, but mentioned that he hoped he was not "too big" for her. After two months of sex, he still did not remember her name. However, that experience seems to be the best sex of her life. It's an eye opener for me. Edit to add: by the way, this man was 57 years old at that time.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Steve1000 said:


> I thought that I was giving my ex the best sex possible and make it exciting. However my way was trying to understand what she liked and to concentrate on how to give her pleasure. I later discovered through text messages that the best sex she probably ever had was with a man who was aggressive and just helped himself without caring about what she wanted. After their 2nd dinner and first sexual encounter, he did not remember her name, but mentioned that he hoped he was not "too big" for her. After two months of sex, he still did not remember her name. However, that experience seems to be the best sex of her life.  It's an eye opener for me. Edit to add: by the way, this man was 57 years old at that time.


I will point you to the direction of a thread started by *samdew * about 'c0ck-size' - and basically it went on the PAGES...and I'm afraid, women bless 'em, they're such sweethearts and always say its _'what you do with it that counts',_ is and always will be, BS to not shatter a man's ego.
Unfortunately, men know the truth....women _certainly _do and that's the way its always going to be...


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

davecarter said:


> I will point you to the direction of a thread started by *samdew * about 'c0ck-size' - and basically it went on the PAGES...and I'm afraid, women bless 'em, they're such sweethearts and always say its _'what you do with it that counts',_ is and always will be, BS to not shatter a man's ego.
> Unfortunately, men know the truth....women _certainly _do and that's the way its always going to be...


The bigger the better. Women can't grumble with their mouth full


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Steve1000 said:


> I thought that I was giving my ex the best sex possible and make it exciting. However my way was trying to understand what she liked and to concentrate on how to give her pleasure.
> 
> *However, that experience seems to be the best sex of her life. It's an eye opener for me.* .


First part I get entirely! I too did this and worked out most of the right buttons to press.

*Bit in bold*, I totally get this. I am kind and gentle, and above all things I love my wife, but there are those random occassions where I do exactly what I want, if "I" want then I will do what ever I want, I once used to bury those little neanderthol thoughts and say to myself "save it for bed time", now it is a case of "think I want head?" instant reaction now is to pull out my c0ck and stick it in her mouth, and cue enormously fun and porn movie wothy sex for the rest of the night, no I am not disrespecting my wife, just acting on my desire with my wife, she can say "no" but never has so far, why? Because she actually likes it when I am spontaneous and do things that excite her.

Thing is, look at the thrills of As, might get caught, secrecy, illicit behaviour, wreckless abandonment of morals. Now think about how awesome that sex might be? Mind blowing!!! so why not make your own mind blowing sex so she experiences the thrills from the comfort of the relationship? Hell I couldn't help but get my wife to blow me in the underground parking at the mall a couple weeks ago.

When you look at the lengths they go to to have their sex, why not "be" the guy banging your wife in the back of the car? touching her up in the elevator? She might like it and it brings a greater bond between you and might just prevent an afair as there is nothing to go there for as she gets it all with you?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

how old are the kids?


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

They will be 15 this April.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> They will be 15 this April.


Double s4!t then, real bad ages to be going through this!

Get to family therapy with them and get on the case of damage limitation by getting them open and talking about it constructively, I had a student girl here for 2 weeks last fall, she was a self harmer due to her fathers serial cheating ways and he broke that family apart! She opened up about on the trail one time, she described it as though that pain from the cut was like releasing all her agony and torment from it all, she died on 01/04/14 from an overdose of pain killers mixed with vodka.

My life has been filled with such tragedy that I envy those who walk without sorrow.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I have taken them for IC. A lot of anger + hormones = a paranoid dad.
Going through sh!t these days. Talking about it is pretty difficult. They saw what WW and OM were doing. I have to pop a xanax whenever I read lordmayhem's post. They saw the whole thing live.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> I have taken them for IC. A lot of anger + hormones = a paranoid dad.
> Going through sh!t these days. Talking about it is pretty difficult. They saw what WW and OM were doing. I have to pop a xanax whenever I read lordmayhem's post. They saw the whole thing live.


Good Lord man. I'm very sorry.
It's no wonder they want nothing with her.
What did she have to say to them about this?

What's your situation, in house, separated?

By the way, how is it, did she dare to bring OM home with the chance her kids could come and catch her?


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I have tried talking to her for the last 4 months but either she breaks down or I do. 

I posted her bail and she's staying with her parents. 

The kids came home early from school.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> About keeping the pants zipped, I have been using hands. Is that also a no-no?


If God (or Darwin) didn't want you to do it

He would have put it in the middle of your back

55


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> She is. She is also the mother of my kids. Freaking, eh?


Does she deserve a certain respect or regard simply because she gave birth to your kids? Love your kids, but consider her just as much a whO're as any other lady adulterer. That's my take anyway........


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> I still don't understand why my WW chose to keep videos of her encounters with OM. Any ideas about this behavior?


Trophies.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How did she get into jail ? I am confused


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Assaulting the kids. Long story.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> Assaulting the kids. Long story.


As I recall OM is also jailed I asume she just went along with him on asssaulting them... so I asume they caught them in the act... and given the kinky nature of their "affair" I can understand the horrible impact it had in them.
Are they in any kind of therapy?


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Yeah. Took them for IC.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

D just asked if she will become like her mom. I don't know how much more I can take.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

You already have them in IC, you get yourself in IC and make sure your daughter understands that she'll only be like her if she chooses that life. Her mom made CHOICES, there is no genetic template for all behaviors. If there were a genetic template, we'd all be exactly the same in all aspects of life.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> D just asked if she will become like her mom. I don't know how much more I can take.


Your daughter can be whatever she wants in this life, but above all things she must learn to respect herself and others.

Will she become an exploiter of men? Possibly, will she choose to become a dominatrix type carachter who sexually eploits men, now "that", is something only she can decide.

Feeling for ya man!!


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Everyday is such a drag. Didn't think I would be in this position at 40.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> Everyday is such a drag. Didn't think I would be in this position at 40.


Dude, wait till you're 46 and you start going to the proctologist and you get ED....  

Get that divorce and find yourself a new gal. You're going to be okay.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Ed? Huh! I'll pray to the Lord to give me strength... down there.


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Dude, wait till you're 46 and you start going to the proctologist and you get ED....
> 
> 
> 
> Get that divorce and find yourself a new gal. You're going to be okay.



You can say that again.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

He just got banned.
What did it happen with Eric?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Acabado said:


> He just got banned.
> What did it happen with Eric?


Yeah, PM me if you know what happened to Brokeneric!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

ne9907 said:


> Yeah, PM me if you know what happened to Brokeneric!


Another friend, Tam member PMed me. 
Good riddance.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Take it he was yet another troll???

:BoomSmilie_anim:


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