# Please give me honest advice..Husband cheating?.



## Princess nobody (Apr 3, 2013)

There is a man and a woman...They met online. They quickly fell in love with one another. About 6 months into their relationship she found out he was talking to other women..Not completely sure how many, maybe just one. She confronted him. He swore he loved her and he would never do it again. That he loved only her and to please give him one more chance...She was very scared to but she loved him with all her heart and when he went so far as to swear on his children's lives that he would never do anything like that again she decided to try again. She was always a little concerned about how to blindly trust him again but she did try as hard as she could. She moved to a new city where she knew no one to be with him, changed her job and even began raising his kids as her own. They were engaged to be married. She noticed how he seemed to always try to skip the subject if it ever came up and also at times make her feel horrible for not trusting him as much as she had before. So she snooped....and found out he was doing it again. Talking to someone on facebook. He even told the other woman he loved her. He even video chatted with this other woman and masturbated together.. She was heartbroken...She was scared and lost. She left everything she knew for this man and he had done it again. Again they had a heart to heart talk...again he made a thousand excuses for why he did it to get attention. She made it extremely clear that she could never ever forgive him for anything like this ever again. She told him he would have to be open and honest with her, allow her to ask questions and to not make her feel bad for doing so. Well he did. If she asked to see his phone then he would get defensive or make annoying comments. Still she tried to believe in what they once had. She married him, began working full time and had his kids living with her. She began to notice that he would leave his laptop in the bedroom and if she ever walked in the room unannounced he would be on his phone and quickly put it away...So she snooped again...and she found a hidden folder on his laptop with nude pictures of himself and an avatar with the same name he used to use to talk to other women..He swears he took the pictures for her, but never sent them...he swears he's not talking to someone... (again)...He went through the trouble of hiding the pictures on his password protected computer underneath multiple folders...the avatar was in the folder with his “screen name” and the pictures are recently dated....
So now what?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Move it to the Coping With Infidelity forum. You will get more support plus those people know how to get anything off of phones and computers. Sorry you are going through this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Cheating. How many chances does he get?


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## Princess nobody (Apr 3, 2013)

I just joined this forum tonight. I am not sure how to move the message. I just know I can not talk to my family and friends abotu this until I decide what I am going to do. My friends would hate him forever and my family would never forgive him.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He has problems and isn't likely to change. Get out.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Princess nobody said:


> I just joined this forum tonight. I am not sure how to move the message. I just know I can not talk to my family and friends abotu this until I decide what I am going to do. My friends would hate him forever and my family would never forgive him.


Okay that's where you are sadly mistaken. Listen to yourself. This man has cheated on you twice, confirmed and a third time 99% certain. And you are protecting him from people being mad at him? Honey... Sweetheart... Bubbullah ... Come on now?


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## Princess nobody (Apr 3, 2013)

I agree...I know I should not protect him. It's not like he cared about my feelings. I don't know why I do it. I really don't...I still don't know why I would ever consider working on this again. But I know I want to becaue I do love him. But right now I don't want to even look at him.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

He's a serial cheater who craves attention. Move on before he gets you pregnant because then you'll be tied to him forever.

IF you try and get past this again, you'll need professional help in doing so to try and find out what it is that drives him. Also, it doesn't seem that there were any consequences when you caught him the other times so he realizes that he can do it again and again without anything bad happening to him. Big mistake


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Are you actually married to him?

Leave. He cares more about getting his ego kibbles than he does about keeping his relationship with you. This is not going to change.


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## Princess nobody (Apr 3, 2013)

I know I should leave. I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer for next friday. I can't have children of my own. That is one reason I didn't mind his living with us after we married. I do love them very much and he says if I leave I can still see them. I hope he's telling the truth. He just keeps saying he is not lying, not cheating and I really think he thinks im over reacting. Which of course makes it even worse then it already is because he should be kissing the dirt i stand on by now. Instead he stares at the tv and doesn't evn try to do anything. I guess I have to admit to myself its over. I just cant believe that it is. But he doesn't see how he has destoryed my life....and I have to be strong enough not to allow it again.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

He's a user and abuser. Addicted and getting away with it. I went through this exact same thing for 7 years with my H, it started from the get go. I was a doormat, always seeing the positives, and hanging onto every word he said just so I could comfort myself into staying with him. I hated the very thought that he could do such a thing and throw away what I "thought" we had. When in reality, we had never had anything. I was dedicated, he was not. That's what your H is...he's not dedicated. He thinks you will stay no matter what, until you die from devastation. 

I ended up leaving my H after 7 years of subtle torture and mind games with the thought that it was for good, and telling him it was for good. We have two small children together too. Boy did he squirm and cry to get me back. Didn't know what he had until it was gone. 

The good side to this story is that I finally agreed to go back after some time, and he did end up agreeing to the boundaries that I set. On condition that if I ever did see anything of the sort happening again, I would not hesitate to file for divorce immediately. We've been recovering nicely for 7 months now. Be strong, and set your boundaries


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## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

He's cheating. He has many time based on what you posted. I am sorry you are going through this. Get out of the relationship, he will continue to cheat over and over. He has proven that.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Hey Princess.. I tried to PM you, but I'm not sure if it actually sent. Let me know if you got it. Hope to hear from you!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

From what you've posted, I'm wondering what it is about this man you love. Perhaps it's what you've built him up to be in your mind? Perhaps it's his potential to be a decent guy? Well, the thing is, that is "what if" thinking.

What IS, is this: he lies, he gaslights you by making you doubt your own gut instincts, he cheats, he manipulates. Meh!

Honestly, I'm somewhat baffled when women or men describe terrible treatment and behaviors exhibited by their partners, but end it with "but I love him/her." 

As I have said a couple zillion times on this board, when the pain of staying exceeds the pain of leaving, you will leave.


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## brightlight (Feb 18, 2013)

I think he is also happy for you to be a mom to his kids. 

He knows how attached you are to them and is using it. 

Obviously it is up to you, but do you really still want to be a part of this man's life after you split up? Especially considering the split was because he cheated on you multiple times.


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## swtluna (Mar 8, 2013)

Leave..To alot of people when they mess around via online..in their minds its really not cheating..because its not physical..however it is cheating its an emotional affair, which can cause just as much damage if not more.. the Trust is gone.. it will never return, it might with professional help..but there is always going to be a voice in the back of your head..is he doing it again..thats not a life you want to live..I know you love him and it easy for all of us to say leave.. easier said than done.. but Hun.. its going to happen over and over, and without trust.. its just a matter of time before the marriage ends.. Remember when one door closes another opens..there is somebody else out there waiting for you to close that door... someone that will make you happy.. your H is not making you happy. Sometimes the most difficult path..leads to the most joyous end.. hugs...


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

6 months into the relationship and he was already cheating.

Not even showing an ounce of remorse at the moment. 

There is nothing to salvage here. If you stay, you need to accept that he will always cheat. Always.


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