# Why do people blame marriage for getting fat?



## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

I work as a personal trainer, so I deal with a LOT of people making excuses. I'm also thinking of getting married soon, so I ask people about that as well. Nothing gets on my nerves worse than when I ask someone, "What happens or changes after marriage?", and then they point to their beer-belly and love-handles. GOD! That is SO stupid! To blame marriage for that! People are too lazy to exercise, they don't eat small meals every couple hours, and they don't sleep on a regular schedule. THAT'S why they get fat! Marriage shouldn't have ANYTHING to do with any of that.


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## ducky (Feb 17, 2010)

I know for me I have kept some extra weight because I am uncomfortable with attention from men. I am very attractive and not particularly satisfied sexually but I love my husband so I suppose it is a buffer to keep men away to a degree. I have always told my husband that if we split I would be back to 120 in no time flat, but then I would be on the hunt not incognito.

I also think it may be biological/innate to some degree in order to reinforce monogamy. It would be interesting to see some study results.


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## babooshka (Feb 20, 2010)

Its not marriage's fault but as ducky pointed out, many people lose a lot of their motivation after getting married. Its only those that care about being fit, to be fit, that will keep it up. Or those that really want to be attractive to their spouse. A lot of people take care of their figure because they want to be attractive as they are on the lookout for a potential mate. Once you've got that mate, many people probably see it as less critical to be at their prime.

Its not only that, though. Age, change in metabolism, pregnancy etc. also all take a toll (you probably know about all that being a trainer). As well as a hectic lifestyle you are no longer living just for yourself. When you're single, you have lots more free time so you can spend it on yourself being fit. Once you're married, particularly with kids, you have far less free time. So being fit needs to be really high on your priority list to spend the time necessary to keep it up. Otherwise, you'll spend that little free time you have elsewhere.


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## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

^That's the thing; it's just not that important to most people. And the fact that they are motivated to be in shape until they find a mate sickens me. That laziness is change, and not what the other person was attracted to in the first place. 

I personally love working out more than anything. It's my life, and I'm never giving it up for any person or situation. I will always make the time, because it makes all the other hours of my day feel fantastic.

P.S. That's the other part that people don't get. Exercise will make you FEEL better during the rest of your day. So that hour you spend 3x/week is going to make the other 165 hours in the week feel function SO much better. You'll think clearer, sleep better, be more relaxed, feel more physically capable, and just have a better life.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

babooshka said:


> Its not marriage's fault but as ducky pointed out, many people lose a lot of their motivation after getting married. Its only those that care about being fit, to be fit, that will keep it up. Or those that really want to be attractive to their spouse. A lot of people take care of their figure because they want to be attractive as they are on the lookout for a potential mate. Once you've got that mate, many people probably see it as less critical to be at their prime.


I've always taken care of me for me in the first place, on a lookout or not, even after marriage and baby. It makes me like me and feel content with myself. Might sound narcissistic or shallow but that's how I feel. I don't even wear sweats at home which bugs my husband.


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## Enough!!! (Feb 1, 2010)

Why is it, personal trainer's feel it is so important to mention they are personal trainer's???? Care factor ZERO!
Just in case it is relevant I am an Insurance Broker....
MY POINT I quote...

"To blame marriage for that! People are too lazy to exercise, they don't eat small meals every couple hours, and they don't sleep on a regular schedule. THAT'S why they get fat!"

While I don't doubt that regular meals and "sleep schedules" would benefit anyone. This person needs to "get real"!
Something tells me my boss wouldn't quite see it your way, if I were to duck off every couple of hours to eat, and my children and husband would not be very appreciative about me nicking off to bed every night "at the same time" (for the schedule), regardless of what was going on at home.

While I don't doubt I would be smoking hot following your advice. I don't think my hot bod would be as greatly appreciated in the dole que.... ALONE.

While I don't suffer any real weight issues. And thankfully don't require a "professional personal trainer". I have to say you sound like a moron.
Yes there are people that make "excuses", but if they didn't exist, a professional "personal trainer" such as yourself would be UNEMPLOYED, and would be joining me in the dole que. looking great.. of course!

I'm glad your not my personal trainer!!!
Maybe you should find another profession.
We all have faults... yes that means you, some just wear theirs on the outside.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I have never seen anyone change their opinion on this. The spouses who admit that it is a big attractiveness factor before AND after marriage make an effort and generally stay fit. 

The rest of society aggressively adopt the following posture: If you loved the real me you wouldn't be bothered by something so unimportant as weight. 

I firmly firmly believe that both views are equally valid as long as you are clear about your intentions BEFORE getting married. I do think this is not only a valid - but necessary. 

It is sad when you read the stories on here of people who are angry at their spouse about fitness related stuff - they often withhold sex and do other things to the "overweight" partner. Should have had an honest conversation before getting hitched. 





IamNotHere said:


> I work as a personal trainer, so I deal with a LOT of people making excuses. I'm also thinking of getting married soon, so I ask people about that as well. Nothing gets on my nerves worse than when I ask someone, "What happens or changes after marriage?", and then they point to their beer-belly and love-handles. GOD! That is SO stupid! To blame marriage for that! People are too lazy to exercise, they don't eat small meals every couple hours, and they don't sleep on a regular schedule. THAT'S why they get fat! Marriage shouldn't have ANYTHING to do with any of that.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Did I fail to mention that the folks on the other side of this divide tend to get very angry about it? Consider:
- Enough doesn't know anything about you other then your career 
- She claims to be not fat and yet
- I think she might try to physically harm you if you were in her presence about now

Imagine you marry someone - with that mindset - they gain weight and you try to address it with them. 

By the way I am the rare person who has been on BOTH sides of this argument. Before marriage I had the "fat" talk with my lovely wife. About 15 years into marriage - my very fit wife told me that I was not in shape, and that her desire for me was seriously impacted. 

I took my 15 year old advice out and gave it to myself. Now I am fit and she is happy. I became way way less critical about people who are a little less then super fit after that experience.





Enough!!! said:


> Why is it, personal trainer's feel it is so important to mention they are personal trainer's???? Care factor ZERO!
> Just in case it is relevant I am an Insurance Broker....
> MY POINT I quote...
> 
> ...


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## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

Enough!!! said:


> While I don't doubt that regular meals and "sleep schedules" would benefit anyone. This person needs to "get real"!
> Something tells me my boss wouldn't quite see it your way, if I were to duck off every couple of hours to eat, and my children and husband would not be very appreciative about me nicking off to bed every night "at the same time" (for the schedule), regardless of what was going on at home.


You would think straigher, have more energy, and be able to give closer attention to your children, boss, and husband if you got a regular sleep schedule, ate healthy foods, and exercised at least a little bit a few times per week. Those are just the facts. When I get less than 7 hours of sleep, I simply can't think straight, and my girlfriend gets annoyed with me that I can't seem to focus. When I don't eat every 2-3 hours, I get CRANKY as hell, which causes major fights and arguments with people close to me at the time. And when I don't exercise, I don't get to do what I enjoy, and I get depressed. Life is not worth living for me. Nothing is worth sacrificing all of that, because those are bases for living.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

IamNotHere said:


> You would think straigher, have more energy, and be able to give closer attention to your children, boss, and husband if you got a regular sleep schedule, ate healthy foods, and exercised at least a little bit a few times per week. Those are just the facts. When I get less than 7 hours of sleep, I simply can't think straight, and my girlfriend gets annoyed with me that I can't seem to focus. When I don't eat every 2-3 hours, I get CRANKY as hell, which causes major fights and arguments with people close to me at the time. And when I don't exercise, I don't get to do what I enjoy, and I get depressed. Life is not worth living for me. Nothing is worth sacrificing all of that, because those are bases for living.


Until you deal with the realities of life with kids, don't rush to judgment. I stay pretty fit--even if I am a bit overweight--by running 3-4x/week, 30-60 minutes. That is the absolute max I can make time for. I maintain that anyone who is married and has kids and is spending more than an hour or so a day (and my schedule includes time getting to/from the gym/trails, stretching time, in addition to the actual jogging time, etc) AVERAGE is probably not concerned about their health, but is shallow and overly concerned with appearance to the extent that they are willing to neglect not only their families, but their spiritual and intellectual development as well. Being healthy is a matter of meeting some basic criteria--good blood pressure, good blood work, etc.--that does NOT require a huge commitment.

Having said that, I also know that there are times in family life that all but really basic stuff has to go--kids get sick and wake up (a LOT), pregnancies go wrong and the body gets out of whack, job demands can become exceptional and one may not be in a position to leave (yet), etc. 

Unless someone truly loves a particular form of exercise (like I love jogging, soccer, basketball), they are not going to do it consistently unless motivated by the desire to appear "hot." People who care about being hot have never impressed me. When I was young and had a lot more time to run, I was pretty damn hot but the men I knew mostly couldn't figure out why I was never impressed with their fitness--they didn't understand that healthy is good enough and pursuing fitness b/c you are obsessed by looks was a total turnoff for me. My looks were a by-product of my love for sports. Nothing more. 

You'll probably be happier, OP, if you try to stop passing judgment and just help people feel good about their efforts to get healthy. That doesn't mean that they have to be 100% perfectly fit, or that some fat is such a bad thing. There is so much more to life than perfect "stats," after all.


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## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

anyone who says they don't have the time to eat properly should watch this...

YouTube - Healthy meals for students and other busy people: 6-pack abs and gain muscle with good nutrition

Live and learn, people! Stop getting fat and making excuses! You are ugly and deserve to be made fun of!


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

IamNotHere said:


> Live and learn, people! Stop getting fat and making excuses! You are ugly and deserve to be made fun of!


Aw that's harsh.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

IamNotHere said:


> anyone who says they don't have the time to eat properly should watch this...
> 
> YouTube - Healthy meals for students and other busy people: 6-pack abs and gain muscle with good nutrition
> 
> Live and learn, people! Stop getting fat and making excuses! You are ugly and deserve to be made fun of!


You are not married, don't have kids, and haven't had to stay up with a baby or sick child before. Life throws things at you that you can't control. I happen to eat 6 meals a day and work out prob 4 days a week. Do I look down at people who don't? NO!! I realize this is a lifestyle choice for me, and it has zero to do with other people. 

You come off like a christian trying to "save" everyone. Well not everyone wants, or needs to be saved. To be blunt, you sound like a doube bag...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Sister,
This is a great attitude in every way. I am a little too vain to pull this off - I seriously wish I was more like you.

P.S. - Some of my strength training is sadly vanity - but I actually do feel different/better more aggressive when I am lifting. 



sisters359 said:


> Until you deal with the realities of life with kids, don't rush to judgment. I stay pretty fit--even if I am a bit overweight--by running 3-4x/week, 30-60 minutes. That is the absolute max I can make time for. I maintain that anyone who is married and has kids and is spending more than an hour or so a day (and my schedule includes time getting to/from the gym/trails, stretching time, in addition to the actual jogging time, etc) AVERAGE is probably not concerned about their health, but is shallow and overly concerned with appearance to the extent that they are willing to neglect not only their families, but their spiritual and intellectual development as well. Being healthy is a matter of meeting some basic criteria--good blood pressure, good blood work, etc.--that does NOT require a huge commitment.
> 
> Having said that, I also know that there are times in family life that all but really basic stuff has to go--kids get sick and wake up (a LOT), pregnancies go wrong and the body gets out of whack, job demands can become exceptional and one may not be in a position to leave (yet), etc.
> 
> ...


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

"You are ugly and deserve to be made fun of! "

Why do people think they should be able to look down and judge other people that they don't even know based on the ideals and goals that they have for themselves. So go sit on your throne of perfection while the rest of us lowly people go about our lives, enjoying them regardless of whether you approve of us or not.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

I get the sense, from many discussions of this, that for some people marriage is like getting a job. When you interview for a job, you look neat and polish your shoes and so on. If you get the job, you probably try to look your best your first day of work. And second. And the whole week.

But after a month, your shoes may be a bit scuffed and you don't polish them. You go ahead and wear the tie with a spot on it. And you just never try as hard again as you did for the interview.

I can't read minds, and I don't claim to know what happens with everybody, but the sense I get is that the "getting comfortable" dynamic happens in stable relationships, and so you "let yourself go".


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I agree artie - and its why it can't be stressed enough BE YOURSELF from the beginning. Be it your religious beliefs, exercise beliefs, neatness level, etc. I'm a messy person (I admit it freely) I cleaned my house from top to bottom the first month we were dating...after that I let it slide back to normal and my hubby is ok with it (he hopes that by working with me we can improve my "clutter tolerance level"  ) but he doesn't get mad about it because he knew what he was getting into.


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## Enough!!! (Feb 1, 2010)

Excuse me MR I"MNOTHERE, are you serious. All fat people are ugly etc... Seriously???
I wasn't actually aware that "god" had managed to create perfection. If only he had bothered to make all the human race in your image, then the world would be saved... Right???
hang a sec while I go and spew!!! (gota keep my weight in check)
Back now... You are a true tool!
What would you class as fat exactly... a couple of kilo's overweight, or 300kg over weight. Because your putting everyone in the same boat. Some people have a constant struggle to keep weight under control, and for some it's a little easier... your place to judge... I think not!
We wonder why the world is full of pain and anguish. Wanks like you invade human life and spread your disease.
You probably don't watch the news (coz that would mean sitting on ones arse), but a beautiful little girl in Bundy lost her life recently.. this was a tragic event, this is a true guide to the UGLY side of humans? 
In reality your shallow mind is quite naive, and mis-guided. I do feel for you though, as your personal issues (that you fortunately carry on the inside), has made you a very UGLY person on the outside.
Your a real catch!!!


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## babooshka (Feb 20, 2010)

There's something very important in this discussion that everyone is ignoring: IamNotHere, you have chosen fitness as your profession. Its not merely about being healthy to you, its a way of life. You are angry at people for not having the same level of commitment to fitness that you do but that is the equivalent of a professor getting mad at society because they are not educated enough. Should we all be educated? Absolutely! But each of us takes that to whatever level of commitment that suits our lifestyle.

I'll also respond to the points you brought up:



IamNotHere said:


> ^That's the thing; it's just not that important to most people. And the fact that they are motivated to be in shape until they find a mate sickens me. That laziness is change, and not what the other person was attracted to in the first place.


Its not just motivation, if you'll note what I said in my post. Its also the fact that staying in shape is _easier_ when you're younger: physically, as well as the time you have free. It takes more motivation to stay fit after marriage and most of all, kids, than it did before. You keep ignoring the point of a person also having less time on their hands with the demands of marital life, work, a spouse and children. Its not all about you anymore. That's not to say its not important - but unless you are very into fitness, it will not be the highest thing on your list of priorities. For many staying healthy is enough. These are not excuses, I am trying to explain what I believe is the mindset behind weight gain after marriage, if that is truly what you are trying to understand and not just berate.

For all of the time you spend working out and being fit, someone else spends extra time going to PTA meetings, cooking family meals, developing their hobbies or relationships. All worthwhile choices. Fitness shouldn't be forgotten but its a legitimate choice to not make it the highest priority when you have new demands on your time.



> I personally love working out more than anything. It's my life, and I'm never giving it up for any person or situation. I will always make the time, because it makes all the other hours of my day feel fantastic.


That's wonderful! Again though, you are a personal trainer. It makes sense that you should feel that way. I know people who feel passionately about travel or education and would never give that up for anything in the world! Then there are others who don't pursue further knowledge or even leave their town, and are content with that. You can't expect others to live their lives the way you live yours. Yes, people shouldn't be slobs. But no, they do not have to be fitness junkies. Any more than you need to be a travel junkie.



> anyone who says they don't have the time to eat properly should watch this...
> 
> YouTube - Healthy meals for students and other busy people: 6-pack abs and gain muscle with good nutrition


That's great, and thanks for the vid. Again though, this is your profession so its really your job to make people aware of these things. It not their _job_ to do so, so they will know less about it than you do. Spread the word, by all means.



> Live and learn, people! Stop getting fat and making excuses! You are ugly and deserve to be made fun of!


This is just immature and unattractive. Makes me want to not take you seriously at all. Are you really here to debate a subject and get a better understanding into people's mindsets, or just to puff up your own ego and go on about how great you are at the expense of others? If the latter, that's just weak and silly. True confidence doesn't require stepping on others. I hope its the former. Otherwise their's no point to this thread.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I really think overeating is the real reason people get overweight/obese. They say stress and not exercising can make you fat but I can tell from personal experience that it doesn't really. At least not me. Yes maybe you will get flabby/wobbly skin because the muscles aren't toned and firm, but not fat.
Kids, house work and a job really don't make that much of a difference, but if you really can't make time to exercise then eat according to the amount of physical activity you do during the day. 

When people get married, a lot of them really do think that it's ok to let yourself go since he/she will love you no matter what. But then it turns out one of the spouses starts being less attracted to the other because of their weight. Men and women have preferences when it comes to looks, as shallow as it might sound.

I think people should just be themselves before getting married because people don't fall in love based on looks but their physical attraction CAN be based on weight. Not for all but for many.
I have chubby friends whose husbands love their bodies, they were chubby when they dated and after marriage and are still very much in love and having sex. My own brother prefers chubby women. Has done so since he was a little boy. He's had skinny girlfriends and chubby ones but he always ends up with the chubby ones. I guess he likes to be able to grab on to something lol 

My husband on the other hand prefers skinny women so I keep myself lean and fit firstly for me (I have a phobia about gaining weight and cellulite) and for him. I don't mind that he's gained weight but I would mind if he got fat because of health and secondly he looks hotter when he's not chubby and I'm more attracted to him. He also likes long hair and I don't go cut mine short n tell him to deal with it. 

Just don't pretend to be someone you're not to impress a guy or a girl. If you're chubby you'll find someone who loves chubby. Whether you're short, tall, skinny, fat, a blonde or a brunette, there will always be someone out there who will love your physical appearance as well as your personality. 

But if you've already "lied" about your true looks, and you know it would bother your spouse, then do your best to keep it up. You wouldn't stop shaving your armpits or stop plucking you eyebrows, or stop bleaching that mustache and tell him if he truly loved you he wouldn't mind, would you?


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

First of all, I have to say that I think that anyone who thinks they know it all and have all the answers hasn't lived long enough to realize that they don't.

When I was 24 and got pregnant with my second child, I weighed 100lbs and wore a girl's size 14 pants. I gained a lot of weight in that pregnancy and had a 9lb 1 oz healthy baby boy. Loosing the weight was harder that time, and I came to realize that the way I'd seen myself and others saw me was as the little petite skinny one. I never got down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I have hips and bigger boobs now, lol.

Yes, I'm sure that some people do get lazy, but not all....for some, life happens and things change. You end up having less time for yourself when you have a family.

Let me just add this.... when I leave this world, I want people to remember and say what a good wife, mother, friend, person I was...not how in shape I was.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

scarletblue said:


> First of all, I have to say that I think that anyone who thinks they know it all and have all the answers hasn't lived long enough to realize that they don't.
> 
> When I was 24 and got pregnant with my second child, I weighed 100lbs and wore a girl's size 14 pants. I gained a lot of weight in that pregnancy and had a 9lb 1 oz healthy baby boy. Loosing the weight was harder that time, and I came to realize that the way I'd seen myself and others saw me was as the little petite skinny one. I never got down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I have hips and bigger boobs now, lol.
> 
> ...



Yes life does change people inside out. But if you weren't truly ok with your looks and if your husband wasn't either, then you would've tried harder to lose the rest of the pregnancy weight. But because you both got to accept the change you're happy. 

I'm talking about people whose spouse has a problem with their looks. Also, I think having kids and family is not an excuse. People who care about their looks will make time for themselves. I know a woman with 6 kids and she looks awesome. Made time to diet and exercise at home. When there's a will there's always a way.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

those are good priorities



scarletblue said:


> First of all, I have to say that I think that anyone who thinks they know it all and have all the answers hasn't lived long enough to realize that they don't.
> 
> When I was 24 and got pregnant with my second child, I weighed 100lbs and wore a girl's size 14 pants. I gained a lot of weight in that pregnancy and had a 9lb 1 oz healthy baby boy. Loosing the weight was harder that time, and I came to realize that the way I'd seen myself and others saw me was as the little petite skinny one. I never got down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I have hips and bigger boobs now, lol.
> 
> ...


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Forgot to add that you can be a great wife, mother, friend, husband, father, lover and look great too. And I don't think people who take good care of themselves are any less of the above mentioned people than those who don't spend time on themselves. For me "life" isn't an excuse not to exercise and eat healthy to have a healthy weight for my height unless I am really physically incapable of taking care of myself. You don't even need money to be fit. 

P.S. Google BMI


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## HindSight (Feb 24, 2010)

Lol. I haven't read any of the replies, so I may be redundant. On the one hand: you are 100% right. And on the other hand, you are 100% wrong. 

You are right that the way a person lives is what determines their physique. Yet, marriage (for many people) changes the way they live and they are thrown in unfamiliar waters. If they don't learn how to tread the new water fast enough: they fall under (get fat).

Also, tack on that as people age (correlating to the age people typically marry), their hormones and metabolism change. A lot of people just don't_ know_ that they need to eat less as they get older and exercise more than they did in their youth. It's a nativity thing. Top it off with having less time to_ think about yourself_ and the whole thing gets compounded. That's why people "blame" marriage. You might find it less annoying if someone said: "I got a promotion and got too busy to realize that all the wining and dining was changing me". Same thing, different words.


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## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

Enough!!! said:


> Excuse me MR I"MNOTHERE, are you serious. All fat people are ugly etc... Seriously???
> I wasn't actually aware that "god" had managed to create perfection. If only he had bothered to make all the human race in your image, then the world would be saved... Right???
> hang a sec while I go and spew!!! (gota keep my weight in check)
> Back now... You are a true tool!
> ...


I just think it's gross when women suddenly gain 50 pounds after getting married and popping out a few kids. It's just really unattractive. I'll never find a fat chick attractive. If a thin girl gains maybe 20 pounds, that's fine (they still look relatively the same)...but 50 pounds is just gross. And that's what I see a lot of women do, because they get lazy.

However, I also see a lot of guys do it, because they feel they don't need to try as hard once they "have" the person, legally. It's just gross that someone would think like that. THAT is what I find disgusting.

You can't tell me that's not fair.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I think maybe I've been misunderstood here. My body type changed completely after having children. Yes, I weigh more than I did before having children, but you must also remember that muscle weighs more than fat.

I need to also add that my husband is not the father of my children. My ex husband is, although he was fine with me as well. I loved my first husband even when he was overweight. I fell out of love with him because of his drug use and constant cheating. Appearance had nothing to do with it. Not to say that it doesn't happen to people.

I care about my appearance, but am not obsessed with it. What I was trying to say is that after having my second child (especially immediately after), I'd realized that a lot of my sense of self worth was based on being the cute little petite girl. My self worth is higher than it ever has been, and it is not based soley on appearance. I do not feel the need to live up to anyone's standards but my own, which are pretty high on many different levels. I believe if you're healthy, then you're happier.

The problem I see is when people base their value in appearance. Like I said, life happens, and someday there are lines from all the smiles or frowns. There may be a little pooch, or stretch marks from having children. I know a gal who is beautiful and in great shape at the age of 55, but because of genetics, her hair is thin. Her husband adores her, by the way.

My question would be, how far do you expect one to go with focusing on appearance?


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## sooner2000 (Feb 11, 2010)

It's not so much that getting married causes you to get fat, but rather the resposibilities that go along with it. Having kids, buying a house, pursuing a career, all that will fill up most of your free time that you used to have when single. Oviously, one could make the time to work out on a regular basis, but it is much harder when life comes at you. 

I'm going to guess that you aren't married, and if you are, you don't have kids or own a home. I'm sure that living in an apartment or condo when single gives you all the free time in the world. But, that's not exactly how the real world of family works. Family takes up a lot of free time for most people, so there isn't much time and quite frankly, more important things to worry about then looking like the cover boy on men's health.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

sooner2000 said:


> Family takes up a lot of free time for most people, so there isn't much time and quite frankly, more important things to worry about then looking like the cover boy on men's health.


This subject is a rat-hole.

Yes, we want to encourage everyone to love and accept themselves for who they are. But c'mon people, if it were as simple as a choice, would you choose to behave in a manner that leads to all of the negative health, social, and personal issues associated with being overweight and obese? Or would you choose behavior that leads to all of the positive health, social, and personal benefits of being lean and in shape?

It is absolutely about priorities. And the reality is, that most people do NOT make their health via exercise and nutrition, a priority until they get some kind of wake up call. 
Whether it is diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, or a partner that simply is no longer physically attracted to you.

There are people that treat fitness like taking a class. There is a start point and an end point. And there are others that simply incorporate it into their lives - whether they have family's or not.

If a doctor told you you were going to be dead in 5 years if you don't incorporate fitness and nutrition into your lifestyle - odds are you would make it a priority.

The kid's message isn't wrong. People just don't like his method of delivery.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Deejo - If this thread was just about healthy I don't think people would be as polarized - but for the original poster its as much about looking good/hot as it is for health. Being healthy does not necessarily mean being thin and working out everyday. It means that you do moderate exercise 2 or 3 times a week and watch what you eat. Not lead the fanatical life of a personal trainer unless that just what you love to do. When my husband encourages me to go to the gym and eat better its not because I'm overweight (I'm 15 pounds over the 'ideal' weight for my height definitely not fat) Its because he wants me to be around when we are both in our 80's. This is the proper way to encourage a SO to improve their lives. Not your ugly and deserve to be made fun of.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The ugly piece was juvenile. But the pretext is still the same.

If my spouse was a 130 pounds and a size 2, and within a few years, kids or not, was 180 and size 10, I would have a problem with that. Would I tell her she's ugly? No. Would I make it clear that I am _less_ attracted to her? Yes.

For the record, my ex is a personal trainer. She's 5'8" and probably around 130. Very thin. At 40, she has a better body than many women half her age. She isn't vain - quite the opposite. Nor is she a fanatic. 
Her boyfriend, although he would vehemently disagree, is obese. At 5'7" he goes about 250.

My point? Attraction is a personal thing, encompassing lots of factors.

I follow a very simple rule, and you may find it shallow - so be it.
I can't be with you if you weigh more than I do. I'm 5'10" and 175.


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