# Is my marriage over or is there still hope??



## AMD (Feb 28, 2012)

My husband and I met when I was a junior in high school. He was my first boyfriend. He adored me, and he did everything and anything for me. He proposed to me a year into our relationship and I declined. Then when I was graduating high school he proposed to me again and I accepted it. I think I took advantage of him because he would do anything for me. And I regret that soo much.. I come from non affectionate family so I have trouble showing affection. So we would always argue about it. I have come a long way, I am better now.. He and I would argue a lot about little things. I would get upset if I come home from work and the house is not picked up and knowing that he did not do a thing that day. That kinda stuff. But now we have 2 kids (2years and 8month old). And I take care of them 5 days a week, my husband works evenings. And I am always tired. so I am less affectionate and I dont want sex as much. And he does not understand that.
So about 6 months ago he sends me this email saying he is no longer attracted to me. And wants a divorce. Come to find out he was interested in another married woman at his work. I found inappropriate emails between them two. I confronted the woman first and she told me there was nothing going on between them. Then I confronted my husband and he also said nothing was going on. But after an arguement he told me he needed to get attention from someone else since I wasnt giving it to him. And she cared about him. so what I did is contacted this womans husband and told him. After a long discussion with this woman and my husband, they said they did not have feeling for eachother and did not sleep with eachother. My husband and I began working on our marriage. And I was soo hurt, I knew it wasnt an affair but it still hurt me soo much but I loved my husband so much and I wanted to make our marriage work. Even though he told me he was not sorry for what he did.
We were doing good for a while and then all the sudden he has changed his attitude toward me he is always upset with me. Does not talk to me as much. Saying He does not want to be intamate with me. He did say he still loves me. But he wants to see if I can hold the marriage together on my own because he is tired being the one doing it (because we have had 2 big fights last year and he was the one who really tried the hardest to make it work.). But I try and he pushes me away or not tries to be affectionate back, and it hurts my feelings.
We did separate for 2 weeks and got back together. Maybe it should of been longer. But he makes comments like: wish you dated more people, why dont you see other guys. And I keep telling him he is the only one I want to be with. Right now we are looking into counceling. I am hoping it will work. I truly love him and care about him. But I think he is falling out of love with me. and I am soo scared. And I am sure he is not cheating, because i did check his phone and emails and didnt see anything. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4.. Please help....


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Nature feeling.. try counseling. 50/50 chance. don't let people make you it feel like you was too young to get married because people are going through this at in every age group. 

**Be your husband's GIRLFRIEND** date and make out as much as possible.


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## kallywana (Dec 2, 2011)

There is still lots of hope. Let your action prove that you love him and more importantly be more affectionate and give him sex as much as he wants it.


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## WantWhatsRight (Nov 2, 2011)

I would suggest that each of you take time to understand what "love" means to you and how you each express it (and thus, expect it to be expressed). There is a book that comes highly recommended and is a pretty quick read (I read it in a day). It is called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Perhaps you and your husband just haven't really learned to "speak" one another's love language yet. For some, figuring this out seems to be key.

In other cases, there is no true shared concept of love or relationship between the two people. Thus, even if "speaking" the same love language and putting in mutual effort, there may be low payoff. Thus, it is also recommended that each of you (individually and jointly) spend some time really thinking about what initially brought you together. Then ask yourselves "what has changed?" ... because things always change, that is part of life. If the changes that have occurred have introduced new deal breakers (fundamental incompatibilities) into your relationship, then you have to see if you can either (a) reconcile those incompatibilities, (b) learn compromises to minimize the potential damage of those incompatibilities, or (c) decide to split and move on.

From what I have heard of your story thus far, the two of you are kind-of just getting started and there seems to be a lot of territory to explore before you decide to go with option (c) above.

Take your time, look deeply within yourselves, think about your future and what you want it to look like, and make certain you are thinking about the benefit of the kids as well. It won't always be easy (in fact, it most definitely will be a struggle, so you should be prepared for that), but if you can make it through to the other side, you'll see that it was worth "gutting it out".

Remember which decision is easier to undo ... if you fight for years and try to make it work, divorce is always an option down the road (of course, you probably don't want to use up too many of your good years in misery) ... however, if you divorce now, it's much harder to go backwards and rejoin (especially if it means jerking your kids emotions around in the process).

Best of luck.


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