# Help From The Ladies Please!



## cstmxtrme (Dec 20, 2009)

First, let me say that I found this forum thru a Google search looking for stories of successful reconciliation. I read some of the posts and found most all the posters to be wonderful! Everyone seems to be so positive, insightful and caring. I had to join and share my dilemma.

So, I have been married to my wife for just over 3 years and we have 2 beautiful girls that I adore deeply. My wife and I have been together ten and a half years and it has been almost perfect the whole time. We started out very young. We even went to my senior prom together! Anyway, I have always been faithful to my wife. Even to the point of not talking to or associating with any other woman other than working relationships. I work with my best friend of 15+ years and he has always been the "ladies man" with lots of girlfriends and great "single guy" stories to tell. One day he shows up to my place with his new girlfriend who is a new hire at work. After meeting and talking with her I find that she is wonderful. She’s the perfect girl for him. They look great together and seem to really enjoy their time together. Since I work with this girl and she's my best friends girl, I figure there would be no issues with me talking with her. Soon after this she and I have become friends. FRIENDS and nothing more. She and I work the same shift and my buddy works another so we talk all the time. She is crazy about my friend and I'm happily married, so I see nothing wrong with it. I never tried to hide anything from my wife and didn't keep any secrets from her. She knew we hung out and she knew we talked at work and never said anything about it. Things went on like this for over a year and still nothing between us, never a mention of anything, no sexual tension, no emotional affair at all. (I'm not in denial I swear) 

This last August I came home from work as always and when I got there my wife was waiting for me on the front porch with a bag packed, a pillow and my car keys. I had no clue what was happening. I asked "what is going on here?" and all I got from my wife was "you know what’s going on" and "I don’t care where you go and what you do, you can come back in a few days and get the rest of your stuff." I was beside myself. I couldn't figure what the hell was going on. I asked again what she thought was going on and she told me that what she knew was none of my business. I could see she was very upset and did not want to talk with me at all so I reluctantly left the house and went to a friends house across town. The next day she called me and just tore into me telling me there is something going on with this other girl. It didn't matter what I said, how much I cried and pleaded and begged, she didn't care what I said and everything was a lie. She had a "feeling" something was going on for a while.

At this point I got mad. I was furious. How could she believe that I would do this to our family and her most of all. Never had the thought of cheating ever crossed my mind. Not just because I love her, but because it was my best friend girlfriend. I was so mad and feeling betrayed that I started being mean. I said things that I shouldn't have and acting like I didn't care what she thought. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I was acting purely out of anger and rage. I made an ultimatum. I said "obviously our marriage means nothing to you and I want this to be over. Whatever over means I want this to end." I wanted her to drop this thing and I could move home or we would have to not be together anymore. I told her I wanted her to apologize and tell me she "wants me to come home." 

Well, that was late August and now its almost Christmas and I'm still living with my friend. Our communication has totally broken down and I'm certain that’s all my fault. Every time she did something these last few months to make me mad, or jealous or hurt I would say something or do something hurtful back. I pushed and pushed and pushed until I feel like she just washed her hands of me. We didn't speak of anything but our daughters for over a month at my request. I told her I needed to "figure things out" and that I needed some space. By mid November I was a wreck! I was having panic attacks and feeling lost and alone. I would cry all the time and have breakdowns on a regular basis. One morning I had a full on galactic meltdown and I could think of nothing other than calling her......Bad idea. She basically told me that she feels its over. Too much time has passed and she doesn’t think we can be together. She says that we are obviously not in love anymore and that we should move on. BUMMER! She also said she knew I wouldn’t be able to make this decision myself and she would make the decision for me.

That was mid-November and still no action. No divorce, no legal separation and no process server at my door with papers. Nothing. I don't know what’s going on. We still speak cordially about the girls and my visitation with them, but nothing about us. I have asked here and there if she's sure this is what she wants, only to get a quick "yes" and nothing more. Is it over. Did I push her too far? Has she convinced herself we can't be saved? Does she think we're not worth trying to save? I don't know how to read this. Not knowing is killing me. I've always been an "actions speak louder than words" guy. I don't know what to do. I'm lost and tired and sad. I'm starting to get bitter too, but I love her and want to work things out. Not just for us, but for the girls. I think we are worth saving. What do I do?


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## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

I wish I had some sage advice for you but I don't. Something must have happened for her to get the impression that you were cheating. Has she ever been paranoid before? Does she have issues with self confidence? Unfortunately it sounds like she doesn't want to try to work it out. Sometimes you have to just let go. I know it's hard because I'm working on doing that very thing right now. If I were you I'd put my energy into keeping things civil for your girls. My parents seperated for a time when I was young and I remember how hard it was to be without my Daddy. It always made things so much worse when I heard them arguing. Best of luck to you.


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## cstmxtrme (Dec 20, 2009)

So here I sit..............on the couch in what was my house right next to the woman that seems to want nothing to do with me. She thought it best that I spend the night on the couch so that I could be here when the girls wake up for Christmas morning. Im sitting on one side of the couch and she on the other right now. Its tearing my heart apart as I write this. She appears to have no interest whatsoever in talking with me and I just want to go home.............................Be strong for the kids, be strong and be the "good father". Ouch! I never in a million years thought this would be this hard.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Demand marriage counseling. I also have a hunch that someone fed her some information that led her to believe you were cheating. Kinda seems like someone set you up to be honest.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It's strange that you all could not communicate with each other when the problems/concerns starting coming up. What specifically does she think of this OW? Did she see/hear something from someone else? 

How has her behavior been? Any signs of her cheating?


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