# She knows I know everything



## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

i just joined this forum a little over an hour ago. I am lost and my body feels numb. Here is my situation: I have been with my girlfriend for over 5 years now. We have a daughter aged 3 about to turn 4 at the end of this month. She also had two boys from a previous relationship. Their father is no in the picture out of safety for herself. To these boys I am their father, they call me dad and see me in that role. My relationship with my girlfriend I feel is over and beyond repair. It has been a rollercoaster of emotion and decisions that when I sit down and think of all these choices, I am left wondering why am I still doing this. In our third year of our relationship, we broke up. I knew the reason for this because we lost the spark and desire to be together. But she didn't move out. We stayed living together and were also having sex. 

I found that she was having a emotion/sexting affair with one of her coworkers. They would constatnly text each other about how they just wanted to **** each other. I confronted her about this relationship several times but she kept telling me that we were broken up and she could do as she pleases. I took this time to rekindle the relationship between us to reignite our love life. It worked. Nothing ever came out with her and that guy from work. So we here we are at the present. Now it is someone else at work that she wants to be with. but this time around it's not a sexual relationship but a full blown this is the person I want to with. I found a facebook message between them where expressed his feelings towards her. She replied that saying that she does feel a strong connection with him and that when she's with me all she thinks is about is him. I confronted her about this and she admitted that she likes to have emotional afffairs with guys because she feels a hole in her life that I am not fullfilling and that she needs to feel attention from someone else. Even after this discovery, we talked about things, and we spent this past weekend having sex several times. 

I work the third shift, so when I left for work sunday night, i went under the impression that things were good and that she did want to work on life together. but while at work, she starts having a conversation with him, now it's about her ****ing him and how she would do it. That there several areas in their work were they can hide and do things. She has always been one that valued her privacy, that I could never go through her phone or her facebook and not feel threatned about a relationship she has with another male. I admit that the from the first time this happened, my trust with her was gone. I stuck it for the sake of the kids and because I loved her and I wanted to make a life with her. This past morning, when I got home and confronted her about last night's conversation, she got on the defensive and denied. All there is now from her is denial. So I spent the morning just arguing with her and calling her out about her betrayal. I feel so stupid because all I want is for her to stop and be with me. I called her a lot of names and insulted the person she is. She texted me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore and that it is beyond repair. This evening before I left for work, she wouldn't talk to me. I tried to grab her hand and she walked away. Here I am sitting down like an idiot and begging her to give us one more chance. That I can repair our relationship and that I can provide for her all the needs she desires. Begging. Apologizing over and over because I am convinced that I drove her to do this. 

She will continue her relationship with this guy and she will probably move out. my mind is so fried that I look back to text we were sending each other a week ago and it's all about how we are going to do things together in our lives. and how much she loved me. The father in me is saying to fix this. For the children. Expecially my daughter. She has grown up her whole life with my family and my parents do me a favor of watching her everyday while we are at work. They have also helped us in tough times financially. She asked if we seperate to continue to be the father figure for the boys. It is a huge commitment for me especially coming from someone that has done this to me. I am scared to lose my family. I am scared for my child. I am scared of also being alone and this is it.

My Self worth is at an all time low. I blame myself for everything while I feel and know that she hasn't done anything wrong. I need advice but also I need people that have been in the same situation as me for support.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

Have an update from today's events but I want to hear what people have to say about this first post.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior.

She cheated at least twice on you. Get out. She will cheat again.

She is selfish. She does not respect you. Respect yourself.

You are not married to her. She might respect a real man. How would she feel if you had an affair? So this is a dealbreaker. Get her out of your life. Did she use protection or does she need to be tested for stds? 

Go NC on her, and get her out of your life. Respect yourself, you are not married. Tell her to leave. You are plan C. She is plan A and the OM is plan B. 

You will only feel better some day after you get her out of your life. Show your daughter that you are a man and will not put up with this behavior.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

puff man, you have to do what is best for you, follow that 180 guide, this gives a glance to the WS how life will be with out you in the picture, you have to be prepared to for separation maybe is not what you want but is what you need, you have to understand that at this stage beging a pleding will do no good for you, when WS are in the fog of the affair the words of love and and the pleds from the BS sound to them like rants of needy people.

you have to beginn to detach, look legal advice for custody, when she sees that you are serious about this, she may come out of the affair's fog, and if not you are doing what is best for your daughter.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You can't do a damn thing about your GF until the OM is completely gone from her head.

Your competing with new love (again). As long as the OM is in the picture all is lost so trying to be the best guy ever just won't work. She already has the best guy evr and your just her Plan B when this new guy gets tired of her crap.

Until your chick faces some real consequences she will never cheat proof her relationships...be it with you or any other guy.

I have a feeling she has your number and knows you ain't going anywere. She will do this again.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

manticore said:


> , she may come out of the affair's fog,.


She always comes out of the affair fog......the question is when will she find some new fog? 2,3 or 5 years from now?

Her behavior has been swept under the rug each and every time she has been confronted.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Beside the possiblity of STD's...are the kid/s even realy yours?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> Beside the possiblity of STD's...are the kid/s even realy yours?


:iagree::iagree:Good point.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Your girlfriend is not the type to be monogamous. She likes the "in love" feeling. You might call it "infatuation" or a "crush." 

You can't have that feeling after 3-4 years with someone. Well, you can, but that often is the sign of an unhealthy relationship. You can have that feeling after 3-4 years if you feel like you are going to lose the person, if your relationship becomes uncertain.

You have that "in love" feeling with her because you constantly feel like you might lose her and you are so uncertain of her. She DOES NOT have that feeling with you because she feels that she can ALWAYS come back to you no matter what, all she has to do is say the word and you will take her back no matter how badly she cheats on you.

She is asking you to be her father. Protect her and be there for her, and her kids, unconditionally.

How do you stay with someone who constantly needs that "in love" feeling? You can make her think she might lose you, which might re-ignite her "in love" feeling for you when she starts to feel she is losing you, but really, is that any way to have a long-term relationship, to have to constantly keep your partner wondering?

The only way this relationship is going to work is if she gets over her idea that she needs to have the "in love" feeling constantly. Otherwise she is doomed to go from guy to guy every couple of years.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

spike1down said:


> i just joined this forum a little over an hour ago. I am lost and my body feels numb. Here is my situation: I have been with my girlfriend for over 5 years now. We have a daughter aged 3 about to turn 4 at the end of this month. She also had two boys from a previous relationship. Their father is no in the picture out of safety for herself. To these boys I am their father, they call me dad and see me in that role. My relationship with my girlfriend I feel is over and beyond repair. It has been a rollercoaster of emotion and decisions that when I sit down and think of all these choices, I am left wondering why am I still doing this. In our third year of our relationship, we broke up. I knew the reason for this because we lost the spark and desire to be together. But she didn't move out. We stayed living together and were also having sex.
> 
> I found that she was having a emotion/sexting affair with one of her coworkers. They would constatnly text each other about how they just wanted to **** each other. I confronted her about this relationship several times but she kept telling me that we were broken up and she could do as she pleases. I took this time to rekindle the relationship between us to reignite our love life. It worked. Nothing ever came out with her and that guy from work. So we here we are at the present. Now it is someone else at work that she wants to be with. but this time around it's not a sexual relationship but a full blown this is the person I want to with. I found a facebook message between them where expressed his feelings towards her. She replied that saying that she does feel a strong connection with him and that when she's with me all she thinks is about is him. I confronted her about this and she admitted that she likes to have emotional afffairs with guys because she feels a hole in her life that I am not fullfilling and that she needs to feel attention from someone else. Even after this discovery, we talked about things, and we spent this past weekend having sex several times.
> 
> ...


Can you get back into her Facebook? The OM might be married, in which case you should expose this affair to his wife. Cheaters generally don't like being exposed and you'll kill this, whatever it is, real quick!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Your girlfriend is not the type to be monogamous. She likes the "in love" feeling. You might call it "infatuation" or a "crush."
> 
> You can't have that feeling after 3-4 years with someone. Well, you can, but that often is the sign of an unhealthy relationship. You can have that feeling after 3-4 years if you feel like you are going to lose the person, if your relationship becomes uncertain.
> 
> ...


The same as a drug addict it triggers the same receptors as cocaine tobacco ect.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You can not beg someone to choose you - you appear to be weak and whinny.

You should not try to reason with her. This is the second guy that you know of. Believe her when she tells them she wants to f*ck them. She does. She is addicted to the attention she gets from other men. She will not change.

She does not care about you. She has no respect for you.

Do yourself a favor. Try to get legal custody of your daughter and leave.

This woman is what is known as a serial cheater. Nothing but bad news.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

I will be destroying the boys whole world once she moves out. I have come to terms that I really cannot be there for them. She is asking to much of me. I know she will always be a cheater. It's kind of in her blood. Her father has two children out of wedlock with two different women. She grew up accepting cheating. Today she told me that she will stay for the kids sake and put a happy face on because she knows that the kids will be happier if we kept the same living situation.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

She is also a weak minded person. She tried to committ suicide at an early age. Instead of dealing with the problems, she manage to convince herself and therapist that this was a one time call for attention.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

I don't question if my daughter is mine. She looks just like me when I was kid, but I am going to ask her if I am the father.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

ScorchedEarth said:


> Can you get back into her Facebook? The OM might be married, in which case you should expose this affair to his wife. Cheaters generally don't like being exposed and you'll kill this, whatever it is, real quick!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This guy is not married. He is actually a freelance comic book artist that looks like a reject hobbit. I make twice what they both earn. From text that I have read between them, he is a lonely person that has been looking for someone to be with. but in the text, he is looking at her, he does not see the big picture of the kids. And quite frankly neither does she.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

spike1down said:


> This guy is not married. He is actually a freelance comic book artist that looks like a reject hobbit. I make twice what they both earn. From text that I have read between them, he is a lonely person that has been looking for someone to be with. but in the text, he is looking at her, he does not see the big picture of the kids. And quite frankly neither does she.


Take your kid and run.
She is always after the affair high.
If you show her you are willing to move on she might wake up but you can do way better imo.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Does she go from, one guy to the next, never on her own, won't leave one guy until she has the next one lined up? Is that her history?


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Take your kid and run.
> She is always after the affair high.
> If you show her you are willing to move on she might wake up but you can do way better imo.


Since we are not married and have a child together, I don't think in the state of Illinois that I can just drop her and her sons stuff of and keep my daughter with me. The law between unmarried couples here is that she is the primary caregiver for our daughter.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Does she go from, one guy to the next, never on her own, won't leave one guy until she has the next one lined up? Is that her history?


When I met her she had been on her own for about 8 months but also living with her mother at the same time. She got pregnant nine months into our relationship. We had the conversation about keeping the child or not and we both decided that what we had together was strong. She always brings up the fact that she jumped into the next relationship to fast and that she didn't have time to fix herself. Whatever the hell that means. There is a strong feeling with me that this relationship was doomed from the beginning.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

So today she texted me that she was going to pack her stuff up and leave. I let close family members know that we are going to break up and I held nothing back. I told them about her infidelity and how she has just been fake while I have been working hard for both of us. She texted me back that she will put on a fake face and smile and be there for the kids because she does not want to shake their world apart. She said that she will live her entire god damn life unhappy just as long her kids are happy which means being with me. I told her that I can make her happy and she said "You Can Try."


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

spike1down said:


> Since we are not married and have a child together, I don't think in the state of Illinois that I can just drop her and her sons stuff of and keep my daughter with me. The law between unmarried couples here is that she is the primary caregiver for our daughter.



I know.

Point is forget the staying together for the kids get your ducks in a row and get a free or cheap consultation from a lawyer as far as the kid is concerned.

Do all this and don't tell her. Work on a custody schedule with her at least try to keep lawyers out of it if possible 50/50 if you can get it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

spike1down said:


> So today she texted me that she was going to pack her stuff up and leave. I let close family members know that we are going to break up and I held nothing back. I told them about her infidelity and how she has just been fake while I have been working hard for both of us. She texted me back that she will put on a fake face and smile and be there for the kids because she does not want to shake their world apart. She said that she will live her entire god damn life unhappy just as long her kids are happy which means being with me. I told her that I can make her happy and she said "You Can Try."


Detach tell her to leave because you are moving on.

The kids if you are the best dad you can be will be fine because in time you will be happy and not have to go through this bs drama.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

tom67 said:


> I know.
> 
> Point is forget the staying together for the kids get your ducks in a row and get a free or cheap consultation from a lawyer as far as the kid is concerned.
> 
> Do all this and don't tell her. Work on a custody schedule with her at least try to keep lawyers out of it if possible 50/50 if you can get it.


I know she will give me 50/50. But she is also asking that I keep the father role for two of her sons that aren't mine. I have grown to love them and they have also. They both call me dad and love me very much. But this is starting to become a role that I don't think I can take on. I know I will break those boys hearts, but she will have to answer for that one day.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

spike1down said:


> I know she will give me 50/50. But she is also asking that I keep the father role for two of her sons that aren't mine. I have grown to love them and they have also. They both call me dad and love me very much. But this is starting to become a role that I don't think I can take on. I know I will break those boys hearts, but she will have to answer for that one day.


Yes be careful I posted this earlier it sort of could relate to you

Dad must pay child support for 3 kids that aren't his: Court rules | Canada | News | Toronto Sun


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I believe Illinois has Alienation of affection, and Criminal conversation torts---so if you want rid of her lover---threaten him with a couple of lawsuits

BUT---that is not gonna help you with your GF---as she seems to have wanderlust-------what she has done/is doing/will do in the future---is just gonna destroy all of you

Time for you to get away from her


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## Nujabes (May 16, 2013)

You're being too much of a doormat for her. She knows she has you by the snap of her fingers, and I think you notice this as well, but you're sooooooooooooooo'oooo insecure.

We have MANY situations posting here on TAM saying that they're not leaving the relationship because they don't want to make a miserable life for the child. And guess what....... Most of the time that's the only route, to leave and start a new life.

Sigh, you have no respect for yourself by perusing this lost relationship. You're in a hazardous situation, which can lead to psychological problems.

You need to have the same mentality like hers. She's not afraid of losing you and she know you're willing to stay put.

You say you make more money than her? Well I'd say workout and find another woman to love. Oh and find another house.

Heck you guy's aren't even married.

Just leave her be and move ON!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

jnj express said:


> I believe Illinois has Alienation of affection, and Criminal conversation torts---so if you want rid of her lover---threaten him with a couple of lawsuits
> 
> BUT---that is not gonna help you with your GF---as she seems to have wanderlust-------what she has done/is doing/will do in the future---is just gonna destroy all of you
> 
> Time for you to get away from her


They're not married, and the other guy is poor. Filing a lawsuit would be pointless. 

Get rid of her. The next father will be taking over that role soon enough. She wants you involved with them for now to ease her guilt, but that will fade soon enough. The new guy won't want you hanging around any more than you have to.

C


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

Nujabes said:


> You're being too much of a doormat for her. She knows she has you by the snap of her fingers, and I think you notice this as well, but you're sooooooooooooooo'oooo insecure.
> 
> We have MANY situations posting here on TAM saying that they're not leaving the relationship because they don't want to make a miserable life for the child. And guess what....... Most of the time that's the only route, to leave and start a new life.
> 
> ...


Insecurity is a big part of my downfall. She knows this. and plays with it. I am telling myself to do it for the kids, but today I realized that I can't. I am speaking with a lawyer first thing in the morning and telling her that it's enough. 

I am not looking for a new person to share my life with just yet. I need to heal and repair the damage that has been done. I have dreamed of a life without her and it always seems better. In time I know that I will be a better stronger person.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

PBear said:


> They're not married, and the other guy is poor. Filing a lawsuit would be pointless.
> 
> Get rid of her. The next father will be taking over that role soon enough. She wants you involved with them for now to ease her guilt, but that will fade soon enough. The new guy won't want you hanging around any more than you have to.
> 
> C


The new guy will get tired of her after a few months or weeks. She's too dependent on other people to get on with her life. For christ sake she doesn't even have a license to drive. No other man will ever do what I did. I am going to close this chapter of my life.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Sounds like she will welcome your parents caring for your daughter. You have a pretty realistic view of her character. She will not change so it is better to let her go an build your life on solid ground, for she will not give up her sand castles.

Sad about her sons. You cannot afford to rescue them. Once she sees the damage she is doing to them, she will probably want to sacrifice her love for them while resenting you. Indeed, this resentment is vile. You should tell you are done. Do the 180. Let her know how impracticable she is.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

spike1down said:


> . *She also had two boys from a previous relationship. Their father is no in the picture out of safety for herself. To these boys I am their father, they call me dad and see me in that role*.


I'm going to be blunt.

They are not your kids. You're a good guy for stepping up and taking care of them and assuming that role, but you are not their father. Their mother knows this, that's why she has no trouble stepping out on you, and will have little qualms about leaving you if it comes to it.

You're thinking about her and the boys welfare.

She's thinking about herself and her boys. 

She'll do anything for them...but not for you. Which is why her foot was already out the door when you broke up and she started texting the other guy. What did you do when you found out? Tried to work it out, that's when you probably lost her for good, when she finally* lost all respect for you.* And what happened after that. PA with another man.

*Let her move out.* Take care of your little girl but *you must detach.* It might sound cruel but she wants to go and take the boys, you let her, but don't take on this daddy role she's talking about. This woman seems to go through life not taking consequences for her actions and destroying the lives of everyone she touches. You didn't do this to her boys, *she did*.

You can even help her pack her stuff,* and please dude, stop saying stuff like I can make you happy, she's gone.* You saw that with the answer you got, stop begging her and just let her go. In the end it is her that will be unhappy and unloved. That's on her.

Just another note: You can't nice respect back. That is what you tried to do and are still doing. You found out about the first EA, tried to be work it out and be nice about it and pushed her away even further. Respect is earned! She, from that point on should have been doing all the work and I take on the point, she did engage in false reconciliation but the minute you found out she was banging someone else, she should have been gone.

She has to earn your respect. Not the other way around.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Start the 180.

Detach from this toxic person.

Get your affairs in order.

Do not threaten, beg, plead, etc. It is making you look pathetic. Some of us have been there and wished we haven't.

When your world is shaken like this you need to be firm on the outside no matter how broken you feel inside. You have to show strength.

I would get an attorney, don't tell your GF. Find out what your options are and work on custody issues.

Your GF has no respect for you. It is not easy to end a relationship like this but if you go back and read your posts you come across as pathetic to your GF. I would stop all engagement with her except for discussions on the kids and even there keep it short.

Don't give her any ammo. If she gets violent in any way get a restraining order. She may play this card if you are not careful. I would also carry a VAR on you at all times.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

spike1down said:


> *I* will be destroying the boys whole world once _she_ moves out. ...


That sentence doesn't even make sense. She's cheated and leaving you, and yet you are destroying her sons whole world??



spike1down said:


> So today she texted me that she was going to pack her stuff up and leave. I let close family members know that we are going to break up and I held nothing back. I told them about her infidelity and how she has just been fake while I have been working hard for both of us. She texted me back that she will put on a fake face and smile and be there for the kids because she does not want to shake their world apart. She said that she will live her entire god damn life unhappy just as long her kids are happy which means being with me. I told her that I can make her happy and she said "You Can Try."


Why put any effort into a relationship with this person? She's a nightmare. I would pack up her chit and show her the door, she wants to leave so bad. 



Nujabes said:


> You're being too much of a doormat for her. She knows she has you by the snap of her fingers, and I think you notice this as well, but you're sooooooooooooooo'oooo insecure....Sigh, you have no respect for yourself by perusing this lost relationship. ...She's not afraid of losing you and she know you're willing to stay put.
> 
> You say you make more money than her? ...
> Just leave her be and move ON!


:iagree:



spike1down said:


> Insecurity is a big part of my downfall. She knows this. and plays with it. I am telling myself to do it for the kids, but today I realized that I can't. I am speaking with a lawyer first thing in the morning and telling her that it's enough.
> 
> I am not looking for a new person to share my life with just yet. I need to heal and repair the damage that has been done. I have dreamed of a life without her and it always seems better. In time I know that I will be a better stronger person.


Good idea.



BobSimmons said:


> I'm going to be blunt.
> 
> They are not your kids. You're a good guy for stepping up and taking care of them and assuming that role, but you are not their father....[/B].
> 
> ...


Exactly.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dont ask her if your daughter is yours. Go to walmart buy the damn kit and find out. If she is yours burn the results and never tell a soul.

Unfortunately I would put the odds of your kid not being your kid currently at 33%.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

spike1down said:


> She said that she will live her entire god damn life unhappy just as long her kids are happy which means being with me. I told her that I can make her happy and she said "You Can Try."


Man, NO, did you hear me, NO, you can not accept this in your life, you can not live like this.

She is making you no favor, you should never accept this conditions, nobody deserves to be second best, you have to stop thinking in what you can giver her and start thinking what had she gave you in your whole relationship.

do 180, she needs a taste of reality, man for what you say you are a successful, responsible, caring father, but if you don't begin to give value and respect yourself how do you expect she to do it?

Stop gravitating around her, you are your own planet, and for what you say about the dynamic of the relationship (her dependency on you), she is the satellite, she should be gravitating around you (not that that is healthy), but until you begin to act like one she will keep trying you as if you were the lucky one for being there, having her spare time.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Dont ask her if your daughter is yours. Go to walmart buy the damn kit and find out. If she is yours burn the results and never tell a soul.
> 
> Unfortunately I would put the odds of your kid not being your kid currently at 33%.


:iagree:
It's important to know for sure in a medical emergency regarding the kid.
The kits are about $100.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

spike1down said:


> The new guy will get tired of her after a few months or weeks. She's too dependent on other people to get on with her life. For christ sake she doesn't even have a license to drive. No other man will ever do what I did. I am going to close this chapter of my life.


Hi Spike sorry you are here. I think this is the best course of action for yourself is to move on, try to get 50/50 with daughter and if you feel like you can attempt to have a relationship with the 2 boys however it is probably best for your own recovery to just concentrate on yourself and your daughter. This is a consequence of her behavior for cheating. She needs to learn this lesson in my opinion


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

spike1down said:


> Insecurity is a big part of my downfall. She knows this. and plays with it. I am telling myself to do it for the kids, but today I realized that I can't. I am speaking with a lawyer first thing in the morning and telling her that it's enough.


 If insecurity is your problem then you have no choice but to fix it. Look where it's gotten you.

How many times do you need to be kicked in the teeth before you start to realize that your the one making your life miserable. We can give you all the advice in the world and good advice but if your not willing to take it, then you have no one to blame but yourself. 

She wants to leave? Show her the door and let her go. You can and should still be a big part of your kids life because she couldn't make a patch on a good woman's ass so it's up to you. 

Throwing you a piece of tail here and there isn't what makes a good marriage. It takes two and right now it's only you. It's like shadow boxing with yourself. 

It's time that you grow a spine and if you really care about those kid like you say you do, you better grow on real quick because there going to need you in their lives and you can still be a great Dad and not be living in the same house. If anything, I think it hurts the kids worse living in dysfunction.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Man... I'm not normally the type to take this view, but here goes:

You've got to move on and get out of this. I won't fault her for the "cheating" the first time (if it really was the first time) since you both had established that you were no longer exclusive, but everything you have said about her attitudes and behaviors says that she is either a serial cheater, is incredibly immature or she has virtually no respect for you whatsoever, or everything in one.

If you are insistent on wanting to try to save the relationship, and I don't think anyone should blame a man for wanting to to give it a shot, then I think you are going about it completely the wrong way. I think (hope) you already know that begging her was absolutely 100% the worst thing you could have done. She has zero respect for you and begging on makes that worse. She might stick around under the guise of it being "for the kids" but it's really a security issue for her. She's comfortable, she gets to enjoy the benefits of your home, your income (financial security), your being a father to all of her children (enabling her to feel like she's a good mother by staying, and providing the BS excuse), and because you have shown yourself to be pretty spineless, she will feel free to pursue other men at will.

You point out how he isn't a very desirable guy, and neither of them are really looking at the "bigger picture" which is probably all very true, but they don't have to be looking at the bigger picture. Actually, the fact that she has pursued this man who is so very clearly not a good "long term relationship" prospect is just more evidence that she fully believes that she can do whatever she wants with other men and you won't do a thing about it. Most women who enjoy security with their partner wouldn't risk their relationship, or their children's security/stability, for a purely sexual fling, UNLESS they have absolutely no fear that any of those things are at risk at all. 

Imagine there was a store that has a well earned reputation for not doing anything at all to fight theft. Not only would those who are comfortable with stealing be taking advantage of that store, but so would a heck of a lot of people who probably would never consider such a crime if it weren't for the fact that they were confident that they could completely get away with it. By not enforcing any consequences of her actions, and even worse, begging her for another chance, can you imagine how much worse that is going to make it? See what I'm saying?

Go read the Married Man's Sex Primer 2011 and "No More Mr. Nice Guy", quickly. Again, I don't think the relationship has much of a chance at all, but if you insist on giving it a try, then you'll need to change your approach asap and stick to it. In my view, that means helping her pack her bags and forcibly preventing her from taking your daughter with her. As long as you are remaining in the home, I believe you have the legal right to insist that she stay there if it were to come down to her calling the police. I would also start calling lawyers immediately to determine exactly what your rights are in this instance.

Lastly, regarding her two boys. That's awesome that you've stepped up to be a father to them. You are right that if they are forced to leave, it will be heart breaking for them and you as well. Because you have indeed accepted the role of being their father, I believe the right thing is to do everything you can to protect that role. You might not have the legal right, but you can do everything in your power to make a potential (likely) transition easier for them and continue to play a role in their lives, and maybe even pursue some form of legal protection for seeing them. Again, talk to a lawyer about that.

I wish you the best of luck man!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

spike1down said:


> This evening before I left for work, she wouldn't talk to me. I tried to grab her hand and she walked away. Here I am sitting down like an idiot and begging her to give us one more chance. That I can repair our relationship and that I can provide for her all the needs she desires. Begging. Apologizing over and over because I am convinced that I drove her to do this.


Never beg. It's weak and pathetic. She won't come back just because you're falling apart. She'd only come back if SHE wanted to, only if SHE thought there was a good reason, only if what drove you apart was somehow fixed. You going to pieces will have the opposite effect.



spike1down said:


> We had the conversation about keeping the child or not and we both decided that what we had together was strong.





spike1down said:


> There is a strong feeling with me that this relationship was doomed from the beginning.


You wrote that when you decided to have the child, you felt the connection was strong enough to keep the child. 

NOW there's a strong feeling with you that the relationship was doomed from the start because, well, she's leaving you. It was obviously never going to work. 

That's like predicting a dice throw after they've already landed on the table.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Yes be careful I posted this earlier it sort of could relate to you
> 
> Dad must pay child support for 3 kids that aren't his: Court rules | Canada | News | Toronto Sun


My brother got saddled with that as well.


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

Guy's thanks for the advice. I am taking steps to ride myself of this toxic person. She asked that I not tell anyone in my family or friends what the real reason is for breaking up. This disgusting excuse of a human actually wants to me to help hide how horrible she really is. 

I am going to tomorrow to the police station and seeing what rights I have to keep my at my place. I also started calling lawyers discretely. If I find that I can't keep my daughter with me, I will have to let her go with her mom. It will break my heart to have to lose my daughter. I can't tell myself anymore, that I have to put up with my girlfriend for the sake of my daughter. 

On an emotional level, I am doing horrible. My nerves are shaking and I can't focus. Trying to keep my mind occupied at work. Today is also one of her son's birthday's. She asked me to participate in a family day of going out for pizza and watching a movie. I am doing it for him. He doesn't know what is going on and neither does the oldest.

She has started deleting all text she has with this guy, but I know they are seeing each other frequently at work. She's doing what a puta (spanish) knows what to do.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What an ugly and selfish person you are married to...

Get therapy for yourself. You need a counselor's help.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

spike1down said:


> She asked me to participate in a family day of going out for pizza and watching a movie. I am doing it for him. He doesn't know what is going on and neither does the oldest.


You need to detatch!! tell your S.I.L. that you will take him out (bowling, movie, pizza where ever!) on a father and son day... only you 2! And dont do nothing whith your WW......


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## spike1down (Dec 3, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Does she go from, one guy to the next, never on her own, won't leave one guy until she has the next one lined up? Is that her history?


That is her history. That is why she will never deal with any of her real issues because it's easy for her to blame the whole downfall of the relationship on me. But I am only 50% to blame for the troubles in the relationship and she is 100% to blame for the affairs. This "new-Love" "Crush" feeling that she always desires are signs of a weak person, who really shouldn't of had kids in the first place.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'll echo what others have said: STOP insisting you can make her happy when she's told you she doesn't want you. It's pathetic and greatly lowers your value in her eyes. Few things are less attractive than someone that insists on being where they're not wanted. And no, you don't get to confront her about seeing others if you're broken up, that's why you shouldn't be living together if you're broken up. If you were married you might make the claim that you're still married, but you're not, so you don't really have any claim to each other. Let this go and find someone that wants you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Spike1

Focus on you. FOcus on your daughter.

File for divorce and get this woman out of your life.

Seek a really good attorney.

Sad for the boys but your GF just made that a non-issue for you so dont feel guilty.

HM


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