# Lost stepson to suicide in June



## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

It's been a difficult summer. My marriage (as noted in previous posts) has had a shaky past. Now it's been about 3 months since he left us.

He was in 8th grade, everyone liked him. Always made people smile and laugh. Then one day he's gone. 

Our 6 year old is now without an older brother. My wife is without a son. I am trying to keep it together.

We've been seeing a therapist since. She's helped in a way.

My big concern is our 6 year old. He doesn't want to give hugs, because he doesn't get hugs from his brother anymore. I think he's afraid to show love, worried he will loose one of us. The trouble is, life has no guarantees and I can't promise him we'll always be there for him. What if one day we aren't.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I am sorry you are all going through this, I know my words from afar cannot assuage your pain, yet I do feel for you and wish you all the best.



gdtm0111 said:


> The trouble is, life has no guarantees and I can't promise him we'll always be there for him. What if one day we aren't.


As you well know, you are right that there are no guarantees. That said, you can certainly promise to do everything you can do to always be there for him.


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## Justus3 (Oct 18, 2014)

I am so sorry


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

so sorry


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I am very sorry for your loss. 

How is your six year old coping now? I know this is still fresh for all of you. Have you been in touch with any grief counselors? It may help your son to cope. As well as fear of abandonment issues, there may also be survivor's guilt at play here with your six year old. 

Though not by suicide (she was very ill), I lost my mother when I was thirteen. I had some "survivor's guilt". It manifested mainly in feeling bad for smiling, laughing etc. Grief counseling helped me work through this.

Your son may be going through something similar but instead of laughter, is afraid or feels bad for showing love to others when he can't do so for his brother. Of course, your reasons make sense as well. Being afraid to love/develop attachments as he's scared to lose those he holds near. Counseling may help with this. This is a lot to process for a child. 

Again, my condolences to you and your family.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

So sorry to hear, that's difficult.

Try to make the best out of this though. Be positive and optimistic (I know that's easy to say). 

Take the initiative and initiate hugs on regular basis.

Talk with your boy regularly and explain to him that your son simply made a mistake. 

Use it to teach him a valuable lesson in life.....which should be....

- never make BIG LIFE decisions during time of great happiness or sadness
- never let a bad day or a week ruin your life
- life is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs

Continue to be loving and supportive to him. It's not going to be easy but in time it will be fine. 

<insert anything> that happens in life effects us *AS MUCH AS WE LET IT.*

I've seen my wifes ENTIRE family become crippled by suicide. Literally disabled them from living on, being happy and in the end DIVIDED THEM ALL too.

Suicide didn't do that, THEY DID.

Best lesson for your son would be the one that you live by example. What he sees around is how he is going to deal with it as well.

Make sure you and your wife are doing your best to move on. 

What happened happened. What you will do going forward is what really matters at this point.


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## k22 (Dec 4, 2014)

Children process stressful events through play therapy, rather then talking it out. Maybe sit down with a few stuffed animals and play out a story with animals. Sometimes children find it easier to talk to a stuffed bear or bunny, and may even hug bunny. If you are not sure how to do this try a child play therapists and I am sure things will turn around. I am sorry for your loss.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my younger brother brother to suicide 18 months ago. No note, no warning, no reason that we can find.
Something that helped me a lot, was the book "Finding Peace Without All the Pieces" You can load it on a Kindle. I can't say enough about how much this helped.


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## Jetoroal (Dec 24, 2014)

Sorry for your loss. My aunt committed suicide in our family's basement. To this day some members of my extended family are in treatment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

gdtm0111 said:


> It's been a difficult summer. My marriage (as noted in previous posts) has had a shaky past. Now it's been about 3 months since he left us.
> 
> He was in 8th grade, everyone liked him. Always made people smile and laugh. Then one day he's gone.
> 
> ...


I'm so sorry.


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## MrsHaf (Jan 13, 2015)

This hits extremely close to home. Less than a month ago I lost my 25 year old brother to suicide by intentional overdose. Its devastating. He had a 3 year old little boy who found him in the middle of the night and was found sleeping on him. We dont know how long he laid there crying for my brother to wake up. He is very disconnected now. He is quiet and reserved and he wakes up screaming , im assuming from nightmares. I dont have much advise as this is so new to us that we havent even began to figure it out. We started play therapy yesterday with him. We are going to take him everyday for a little while to see if we can get him to open up. I will post updates to if it helps any in the following days. Im sorry for your loss.


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