# What should I do?



## dcfl_notsure (May 8, 2009)

Hello all. Just recently turned 40. Wife will be turning 25 in the next few months. We have been married for 3 years. We met at work, had been working together up until Jan 09. When we stopped working together, everything changed for her. She is never home now. Goes out drinking, stays out until 3-6am. Smoking weed. Always doing the MySpace thing. Keeps her phone by her side. Sends and receives Text message non-stop all day long. I told her that I am not her "owner"; that she can do whatever she wants to do and that I will base my actions on what she chooses to do. I told her that I wanted out. I am taking actions to separate some of our accounts, house, ins. etc. I haven't filed for divorce yet. She ofcourse wants to keep things like they are. That's b/c she has an easy ride ofcourse. We don't really fight. But I have this huge pain inside. We bought 2 puppies @ the end of last year b/c she was so set on it. Now we have them and I make sure I'm home to tend to them. But it's hard, not to mention that I can't do much while taking care of 2 puppies. Also, she has a 7 year old son. Sometimes she has him with her when she is away. Even with the situation as it is, I still hurt. My head says to be strong, civil, and get out. My heart is just in pain and fearful of the furture. I really love her and I thought/think she loves me too. BTW, wife is definitely attractive; nice body, face like a model. That's a good thing bad thing. One has to wonder how many times she is getting hit on while being out. Or worse yet, she's already seeing someone else. I don't think she's cheating. She said she just wants to be 24 and have fun. She said she still loves me and doesn't want to get divorced. I have stopped wearing my ring since back in Jan. Although I see her wearing her ring. We still sleep in the same bed. 

This past weekend she left and Saturday morning to pick up a friend from the airport, got into an accident and totalled her truck. She called me after the wreck but only talked for minute or 2. Called another friend to come get her and continued to pick up their friend. She didn't come home until late Sunday night and I only had talked with her a total of 2 minutes and a few text messages that whole weekend. We argued the worst we have ever argued that night and she slept on the couch. The next day we did apologize to each other for the arguing and she called me and asked me if I would co-sign on her new car. I said no. I wanted to cut all ties with her. I asked that she be cooperative as I want a divorce. She said she would cooperate but wanted to wait until the end of summer b/c she doesn't want to rush things. When I got home, I was working on the divorce papers and she saw but didn't really say much. I asked her if I put all the effort into filling out the paperwork, will she sign it. She said no, that I was waisting my time. Tomorrow I am seeking an attorney.

So I ask all you readers, what would you do if you were me?


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i read your post a couple of time, but i'm still not seeing any real issues that would cause you to want a divorce other than she's young. she's acting like a normal 20 something. you chose to marry a young girl and now that she's acting her age you want out.

i just don't get it. am i missing something. were you going through a mid-life crisis when you married her?


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

I agree - she's doing what 25 year olds do - SINGLE 25 year olds!

In my opinion, YOU must decide what your boundaries are. Is going out drinking and smoking weed acceptable to you? If not, you need to set a boundary with her. And when you do set the boundary, be very clear about it and be very clear about what YOU are going to do if she crosses that boundary. If you say you're going to leave, then you better follow through on it.

Sounds like you are allowing this person to walk all over you. You better 'grow some you-know-whats' and take control fast.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

A lot of 25 year old girls are more responsible than what he's describing.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Responsible mothers don't go drinking and smoking weed with their 7 year old son. It sounds like she is using you as a sugar daddy.


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## seibert253 (Apr 29, 2009)

Next time she leaves for a long excursion, pack her things, and have them sitting on the curb when she comes home. Also change the locks. When she knocks on the door, open it and hand her the divorce papers.


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## dcfl_notsure (May 8, 2009)

Thanks for all the replies. I tried to summarize what has been going on, but there's no way I could get every single detail captured in the write up. Since my posting, she has come to me in hopes of me co-signing for a new vehicle for her. I declined. I suggested she get one of her buddies to help her. I told her that I am ready to move on, however she has said that she doesn't want to get divorced. Today she got suspended from her job b/c she was looking at cars online while working. That was over an hour ago and she's still not home. A couple of replies were great: 25 yr old SINGLE girls (not married women), mother should not be partying around her 7 yr old son. She's been extremely irresponsible, now it's all coming down around her. I warned her this would happen. To "wonder" you are somewhat correct in that I should/could have expected things to be different b/c of our ages. However, would you still say it's ok if she were married to a 25-30 yr. old? See my point?


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