# Oral sex



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Married for a year, together for 3 years.

So here are how things stand: 

I've never recieved a BJ. Wife has never given a BJ and doesn't want to, says 'eww gross'! 

I've convinced her to not completely rule it out but I figure the longer we go without it happening the less likely it'll become. 

On the odd occasion I put a bit of porn on the laptop she always tells me to skip the oral part... cant work out if it's a genuine dislike or if it's an act. 

She's not shy or uptight about sex, likes trying new positions and what not. 

My question is, is there anything I can do to make it happen?


----------



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Not really. Some women just find it too disgusting. 

You can try to tell her to give a shot once though. 

Also do you do oral for her?


----------



## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

Have you given her oral sex?


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

No. Not entirely comfortable with the idea but I would do it if she wanted it and have told her so. She doesn't want it though or so she says (maybe she thinks it'll mean she'd have to return the favour?) and again says it's yucky.


----------



## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Feelingdown said:


> No. Not entirely comfortable with the idea but I would do it if she wanted it and have told her so. She doesn't want it though or so she says (*maybe she thinks it'll mean she'd have to return the favour*?) and again says it's yucky.


Two ways of thinking this...

She does not allow you to do this, so she will not have the guilt of not returning (selfish)

OR

She feels if she doesnt want to to this for you, she should not expect you to do it either. (sacrificing something she just might really enjoy)


----------



## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

what's her view on anal?


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Won't do it. Not out of any moral objection or disgust, just hurts. She knows as I once did a 'oops sorry wrong hole' (genuine accident) and she didn't enjoy it very much!



Accipiter777 said:


> Two ways of thinking this...
> 
> She does not allow you to do this, so she will not have the guilt of not returning (selfish)
> 
> ...


I don't know, it may just be that she genuinely doesn't like the idea. But then if she tried it, she might come around?


----------



## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

I suggest you do it for her and don't do it with the intent of having her return the favor. I think you'll both find it enjoyable and it may begin to lessen her hesitation to attempt it herself. Just my .02 -- Good luck.


----------



## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

Oh, one more thing, do not badger her about it -- have fun, be adventurous, and aim to please. She may just follow your lead.


----------



## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

a little dominant role play could be just what she's looking for: so that it isn't her choice. 

I know I get into that. ymmv.


----------



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> She knows as I once did a 'oops sorry wrong hole' (genuine accident) and she didn't enjoy it very much!


Not the best way to have anal for the first time. Try a different approach. I agree with others. You have to be willing to give in order to receive.


----------



## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Feeling down. Just some info on my situation. I was married for 30 years, during that time my xw would occassionally give me a bj, never to completion, which was ok. She was not willing to let me do her. I was ok with this as I was a bit heisitant myself, occassionally (like once every two years) I would attempt to do her, she would stop me, and I was not disappointed, as I thought it was a bit gross. Been divorced (she had an affair) for a year. First thing I did was read a book on the best way to perform oral sex on a woman, as I figured I would need to be ready if I was going to be on the open market. Let me tell you, I went from reluctant to LOVING it! My gf loves it and after a few times I desire doing it to her. It drives her wild which makes me very happy! So my advice to you. Dont just pass on the chance without trying it out, you might just find as I did that it is an awesome time.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Kathrynthegreat said:


> Have you given her oral sex?


Exactly what I was thinking....guilt to "return the favor"? 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

It's not that easy though, like I said she doesn't want it. Her reluctance and view of it as being 'disgusting' probably fuels my apprehension too. 

Guess I just have to insist, convince her it's worth trying at least once?


----------



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Does she loosen up at all (i.e. is she more sexually adventurous) when she has had a few drinks?

She may just be repressed sexually, you could try to go to a sex therapist together. My wife grew up in a strict Catholic environment, she was told that certain things were "dirty" and "sinful", and as a result had some hang-ups.

I noticed over the years that she would let her guard down and would be willing to try certain things (anal, rimming, 69, oral on me after my c*ck was in her p*ssy, light bondage, etc.) if she was tipsy.

I mentioned this to the therapist, and in one or more of the IC sessions with my wife, she was able to get to the root of her repression, and now she can be totally sober, and enjoy all of those more "adventurous" sex acts she didn't want to do before.


----------



## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> It's not that easy though, like I said she doesn't want it. Her reluctance and view of it as being 'disgusting' probably fuels my apprehension too.
> 
> Guess I just have to insist, convince her it's worth trying at least once?


I don't get this. Feelingdown, you need to get over the apprehension and lead by example. This is your wife, how could you associate any part of her body with something disgusting? I believe if she sees that you find every inch of her desirable and are willing to please her it may begin to change the dynamic.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

You misunderstood, she views it as disgusting not me, this is what adds to my apprehension. I do find every inch of her desirable... even when she's lazy and doesn't shave her legs! That being said, I probably don't show it enough. 

Up till now I've never really had any great desire to challenge her view which is one of the reasons why I'm not 100% on how she actually feels about it.


----------



## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

Ok, I got it, brother. Then show her how desirable she is, it's a win for you as you get to make the person you love and desire happy. Couple this with communication and I think you will open up the door to a more rewarding sex life.


----------



## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

I wasn't fond of it. And my husband is the only man I've been with that isn't circ'ed so I didn't even know how to do it to him. And it was difficult for me because I have a small jaw. When I go to the dentist they use the kids mouth pieces because the adult size ones are too big for my jaw structure.

In the first 3 years of my relationship with my husband..i maybe did it 4 times. He was always very persistent and pushing my head down in that area in a very unromantic way. I hated it. It drove me nuts. I was not confident at all in doing it so I avoided it.

Being open with my husband about me really not knowing how to do it on his penis definitely made me more comfortable. He was nice about it. Eventually I gave in and started doing it. I watched how to videos and even practiced on him while watching. I learned what he likes. I learned how to do it. I started doing it just as some small foreplay. Eventually I built up to doing it to completion. 

I think I may have started opening up to it because we have literally done everything aside from a 3 some (which I've done but not with him)..and I was getting bored and wanted more in my sex life.

I have fun with it now. I'm not a great deep throater...but at least I try! I do use a lot of hand assist which definitely makes its easier and my husband seems to enjoy it.

Start small. Be reassuring. Maybe she doesn't think its gross..maybe she wants to do it but its a confidence issue.

I too used to ff through the oral in porn because I was intimidated by it since it was something I didn't do (but wanted to and just wasn't confident). I played it off that I thought it was gross...meanwhile I wished that I was so great at it and confident with it. The only way to be great is practice!


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I get the sense she somehow thinks it's dirty. I'm guessing she was raised with some repressive attitudes towards sexuality. 

Oral sex is awesome. It's so exciting being able to drive your partner wild in that way. 

If there is some way she can get past her initial reaction I think she could learn to really like it. My suggestion is start with doing her. Don't start by going right to her v***** but begin by kissing her body all over and work slowly towards it. You may not get there the first few times...you have to read her reactions but I think if you're patient you will get her turned enough at some point to let you do it.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I recommend you do what another poster said: show her how desirable she is. I know I am always willing to try almost anything(except anal. It's not possible for us...) when my husband shows me how desirable I am to him. Even if I don't really like the act or position.


----------



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

As others have said you need to lead by example. Try to talk about it first after you have sex when you are cuddling. Resure her that YOU think it is a normal thing and not dirty. Depending on the porn you are exposing her to seeing this may make it appear more degrading then the act actually is. Also assure her that you will not come in her mouth, or on her face. You can work up to this.

I would strongly suggest doing it on her first without ANY notion of reciprocity. While it may lead to this i would not make it your motive. It should be motive enough to watch her loving the experience. 

I think that much of the belief that most women have about oral comes from upbringing. Try baby steps and perhaps a little booze.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Baby steps. Up your dominance just a little. In missionary, hold her hands up above her head with a strong (not mean or painful) hold. In doggie, spank her a little. Also in doggie, push down on her upper back or neck so that she assumes a more submissive posture. During all of this watch her reaction very closely. I did this and the reaction was almost unbelievable. The next day, text her and tease her about her reaction a little. Tell her you know she liked it.

This is step one, putting yourself in charge of the bedroom. You won't be grabbing her hair and "making" her give you oral until about step 20, but it will happen if you go down the right path.


----------



## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

WOM has got the right idea. his suggestion starts out at step 1. mine started at step 18. 

some of us don't need baby steps but some do. LOL


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> No. Not entirely comfortable with the idea but I would do it if she wanted it and have told her so. She doesn't want it though or so she says (maybe she thinks it'll mean she'd have to return the favour?) and again says it's yucky.


definitely do this to her it is awesome. makes you fell like a stud while she dances on your tongue.


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I agree with everyone else here, but I will say there are some folks who no matter what will not do it... both female and yes male (dated one) and there was no amount of convincing.... you wife may have some hang ups, is she adventurous in other ways, positions etc? (Anal is aquired, I am very advernturous but I do not like that at all, it hurts, even with lube) each person is different in their sexual likes and dislikes, but I wouldn't say try it only once... either... more than once to see do you really like it or not because the first experience or two you are still learning (both of you).... I would also find out if she was abused sexually in any way when she was younger or forced to perform oral sex on a man, or even a previous boyfriend. This happened to me and I was totally turned off by it. HOwever my dh was persistent in his desire and now i love it! I will initiate a BJ for him


----------



## Henry (Nov 20, 2007)

I,m thinking if you're making love to HER and you start at the top and get her passionatly involved and start working your way down to give her oral then by the time youb get there she will not stop you. This does not have to be accomplished in one lovemaking session but could be done over time.
I mean when people meet and get together they don't show all their cards the first nite.
I used to read cosmo all the time and there are always stories in it instructing women on the art of satisfying their man. What I did as a man was to just do then same thing to my SO.
It always achieved great results.


----------



## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

I dislike the notion that if there is a position someone doesn't like or want to do that there is something wrong with them. Not everyone is going to enjoy givig BJ's. I have no problem with it but this idea that you are entitled is BS. And all I see is constant begging for it is going to do for him is annoy her.

If he wants to try giving her oral for altruistic reasons then go for it. But I am willing to bet if he does it and she don't return hubby will be a pouty boy even though she has done nothing but tell him she isn't interestd.


----------



## 99RedBalloons (Aug 16, 2012)

She should at least give it a go once. When you are giving a HJ, you can space out and think (and pretend) that you are somewhere else. Its like folding laundry... repetitive and boring, but eventually you zone out into lala imaginary land. Its the same with head jobs. That is how I get through it. Maybe you could suggest that to her.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Thanks for all the suggestions guys.

I've actually tried doing the kissing down the body thing once, she stopped me from going any lower and I've not really tried since then. 

I've ordered the adult board game monogamy (she loves stuff like this), which I think is a good idea as it involves drinking, getter her in a sexy mood and best of all, oral is actually an aspect of the game! I think it could serve as a good tool to break that barrier. 



HopelesslyJaded said:


> I dislike the notion that if there is a position someone doesn't like or want to do that there is something wrong with them. Not everyone is going to enjoy givig BJ's. I have no problem with it but this idea that you are entitled is BS. And all I see is constant begging for it is going to do for him is annoy her.
> 
> If he wants to try giving her oral for altruistic reasons then go for it. But I am willing to bet if he does it and she don't return hubby will be a pouty boy even though she has done nothing but tell him she isn't interestd.


Who said there is anything wrong with her? Who said I'm entitled? Who said I constantly beg for it? 

If I give it I may use it as a bargaining tool but that's it. We have the sort of relationship where we can openly talk and laugh about this stuff rather than get all serious. I certainly won't pressure her into anything or resent her if she still doesn't want to return the favour. Infact, I very much dislike the idea of doing anything with her that she isn't HAPPY to do. But feel free to carry on making assumptions.

Like I said before, I don't know if she actually doesn't like it and finds it disgusting or if deep down it's something she wants to try out.


----------



## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

Unless your wife has a history of being sexual abused, I would say that the primary issue here is you "talking" about it all the time. This may be an unpopular viewpoint here, but the fact is you are NOT being dominant enough in the bedroom. If you were dominant in the bedroom I would almost guarantee this would not be an issue.


----------



## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

If you read some of these responses, they act like something is wrong with her if she don't want to do it. Or that somehow you can trick her into it.

If your as open about sex as you say thats really the best you can do. Sounds like she has expressed what she likes and don't like. Don't be surprised when you pull the card that says she should perform a bj and she tosses it for the next. Lol


----------



## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> Like I said before, I don't know if she actually doesn't like it and finds it disgusting or if deep down it's something she wants to try out.


Exactly...like I said, I played the "its gross" card for practically 3 years...meanwhile deep down inside I wanted to do it and be so great at it but I wasn't confident to try. 

Slow persistency is key. Ask her to just suck on the head while you stroke the rest. Don't give her more then she can handle if you can get her to do this. Don't push her head down..don't ask for more mouth...just take it easy. Eventually she will go deeper and deeper and soon will take full control as time passes. But don't ask for this every time either. Maybe once a week..ease into it. (Granted this is a confidence issue rather then a "eww gross" issue.


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> No. Not entirely comfortable with the idea but I would do it if she wanted it and have told her so. She doesn't want it though or so she says (maybe she thinks it'll mean she'd have to return the favour?) and again says it's yucky.


if you both view it as gross to where neither of you will actually do it then its probably not going to happen.

i thought the same thing at one point.
but OMG now...you couldnt stop me!!!

the thrill of tasting the man who is always inside me really arouses me.

everyone is different.

maybe you shouldnt mention it to her and when you pull her panties off you could just put your face in it. see what happens! 

if that fails then uhmmm..
tell her its something that you are really wanting to try and let her know you will return it.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Haha, "just put your face in".... I like it bkaydezz!



Ano said:


> Exactly...like I said, I played the "its gross" card for practically 3 years...meanwhile deep down inside I wanted to do it and be so great at it but I wasn't confident to try.
> 
> Slow persistency is key. Ask her to just suck on the head while you stroke the rest. Don't give her more then she can handle if you can get her to do this. Don't push her head down..don't ask for more mouth...just take it easy. Eventually she will go deeper and deeper and soon will take full control as time passes. But don't ask for this every time either. Maybe once a week..ease into it. (Granted this is a confidence issue rather then a "eww gross" issue.



The one thing that makes me hopefull is she never used to like giving HJ either, initially refusing to do it etc. Infact she still say she doesn't like doing it and pretends she only gives it to be nice. Yet when doing it she always gets 'worked up' herself and ends up jumping on me!


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Little update:

I gave her oral (my first experience) and she kissed me down there.

Sex life has been amazing in the last couple of weeks and we've hit a real sweet spot in the marriage in general in what is our 12th month of being married. So we were in that sort of playful loved up mood and she sorta said 'go on then'. 

She definitely enjoyed it, but stopped me after about a min or so to have normal sex and had an orgasm pretty quickly. Later on said she loved it but doesn't want it anymore. 

She kissed me down there on the same night (before me) and she actually seemed really comfortable doing it.. quite hopeful this could go further. 

In both cases it seems more like she just needs to get rid of some of her inhibitions. Slow steps definitely seems the way to go as some have suggested here.


----------



## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

good job,will agree with your approach==slow steps..


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Another slow step is to shower together so you are both confidently clean and start oral in the shower. The more you do it the more you'll both like it.


----------



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Hey, great that you solved this!!

For any other women who won't do oral - I find it curious when someone doesn't want to put their mouth on their partner's genitals. So I disagree strongly with HopelesslyJaded. 

What is her view of genitals? Does she think they are dirty?

What is her belief about men? I had a close friend who would never let her H, or me while we were dating, do oral on her. I learned later about her many emotional barriers. She wouldn't let anyone get too close, and preventing oral protected her in some way, as in "I won't let you get that close to me". 

I'm not talking about whether she wants to swallow or not, whether she wants to go all the way down and gag herself...I'm just saying that not wanting to put her mouth there indicates some wall she has put up.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Probably jumped the gun with my optimism. 

We talked about oral last night (it came up naturally in conversation, I didn't push for a BJ or anything!). She again said it was "100% disgusting" and said there are better ways to get pleasure. Also said thats why despite enjoying it she stopped me last time and found it disgusting when kissing me down there. She didn't say this in a mean way, she was laughing about it and I don't think she realised how I would take it. 

Anyway, she saw I got a little upset and tried to make me feel better by saying she did really enjoy it and even said she'll give it back one day, at which point I said no as I don't want to do something with her which she thinks so little of. 

So yeah, I don't know if it's a wall or whatever, but I give up. She wins.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Assuming you take care of yourself it's only disgusting in her mind.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

When very young, I was very uncomfortable with receiving - it seemed even more intimate than intercourse, having someone so close down there. I was worried about looks, odor, cleanliness... some girls are worried that's where urine comes from and thinks it's dirty on both male and female. But the baths and showers, continued intimacy, including reassuring her you love her smell, taste, excitement... might help. Has she ever tasted herself? Maybe that would reassure her it's not disgusting. Some women are also worried about pre-cum. I figure if someone is willing to kiss with their tongues, how is that any dirtier/grosser when both people are clean?

Also is hair an issue? Maybe a bath or shower together where you ask to shave her? Could be a very sexy experience for her.

I wouldn't give up on it. She said she loved receiving then got all uptight and uncomfortable. I think if you keep approaching her offering oral to her without expecting it in return, it will eventually happen. I love the feeling of power that I have when my mouth is the center of his world!


----------



## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

Don't give up. Just keep talking about it. Get into conversations about why it's "yucky" or "gross". 

See where her mind takes her. Tell her you love her and it's a special thing between the two of you. Tell her it's not disgusting to you, it's love and enjoyment. 

A year is a short time. Don't give up already. Stay in it and fight. Stay kind and patient and loving. 

Work through resentments keep the lines of communication up and keep trust.


----------



## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Baby steps. Up your dominance just a little. In missionary, hold her hands up above her head with a strong (not mean or painful) hold. In doggie, spank her a little. Also in doggie, push down on her upper back or neck so that she assumes a more submissive posture. During all of this watch her reaction very closely. I did this and the reaction was almost unbelievable. The next day, text her and tease her about her reaction a little. Tell her you know she liked it.
> 
> This is step one, putting yourself in charge of the bedroom.


Yes, omg yes! 
But I agree that for her, baby steps. It takes a certain strength to enjoy submitting in this way and she's not used to it. Build her up after each time, care for her, make sure she knows you appreciate what she does give.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Thanks guys, my previous post was probably me throwing the toys out of the pram more than anything. I guess I should just take it as a reminder that I need to take it slow. 

For the record, I don't and never will resent her for it regardless of how this goes.


----------



## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

You dated for two years and you never got a BJ so why would you think it would change now.You had your chance to find somebody else that would give you a BJ so now you can wait and hope something works.I would not have married her.

I go with hop in the shower together like somebody said above and get clean then that excuse is gone. 

If I were you I would do her first and show her how much you enjoy her so she sees the pleasue it gives you giving her pleasure and maybe get some whip cream she can use on you to get it started.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> You dated for two years and you never got a BJ so why would you think it would change now.You had your chance to find somebody else that would give you a BJ so now you can wait and hope something works.*I would not have married her.*


Sorry, but that's pretty ridiculous. Being happy for the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams... or potentially not getting a blow job? Tough choice, but I'll go with the former thanks.

I didn't think it would change now. Nowhere have I indicated this is an expectation I have of her.


----------



## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

It must be on you mind you are bring it up and up.You did have a choice and you decided BJ were not important to you so you stayed with her and got married,where other pople may have thought diferently.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Yeah, I want to experience oral, and I thought I'd get some valuable advice from the knowledgable folks of TAM to see if it's something that could happen. Thanks to them I'm part of the way there.

Doesn't mean I'm obsessing over it, sitting in a dark corner giving my wife an evil stare while resenting her for denying me my life long dream of a BJ 

I guess it might be more important to others, particularly if you view blowjobs as an essential part of your sex life. For me it isn't, I still view my sex life as amazing so a lack of oral isn't even a minor source of regret.


----------



## samtravis (Aug 30, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> Yeah, I want to experience oral, and I thought I'd get some valuable advice from the knowledgable folks of TAM to see if it's something that could happen. Thanks to them I'm part of the way there.
> 
> Doesn't mean I'm obsessing over it, sitting in a dark corner giving my wife an evil stare while resenting her for denying me my life long dream of a BJ
> 
> I guess it might be more important to others, particularly if you view blowjobs as an essential part of your sex life. For me it isn't, I still view my sex life as amazing so a lack of oral isn't even a minor source of regret.



Does your wife like to watch your penis? Even if my wife doesnt give BJ's all the time, I like it when she comes between my legs and plays with my penis, caresses balls and pubic hair, just watches the erect penis with some kissing and mild sucking. Evenif she doesnt suck the thought of penis in her mouth is very erotic.


----------



## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Um... that's going to come out one way or the other. 

Lesson to all you women: If you are not willing to give your husband fellatio, there are millions of girls out there who will. Do you want your husband to desire you, or some tart out there who will suck the chrome off your man's trailer hitch? 

Females have no idea how important oral sex is to men. 

OP I'm sorry man. Tell it to her straight.


----------



## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

bkaydezz said:


> if you both view it as gross to where neither of you will actually do it then its probably not going to happen.
> 
> i thought the same thing at one point.
> but OMG now...you couldnt stop me!!!
> ...


I would say that course of action is inadvisable. Women are generally extremely uncomfortable with men giving them oral; I'm not saying they don't want it, it's just that most of them are extremely self-conscious about their anatomy, and I think there's a possibility of the encounter ending very poorly if he makes her very first oral encounter a surprise one.


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> Women are generally extremely uncomfortable with men giving them oral


Now that's a gross generalization with no support.


----------



## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

jaharthur said:


> Now that's a gross generalization with no support.


I can only speak from experience. And I have a lot.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Thought I'd post an update. 

Got my first BJ a couple of nights ago 

The best part is I didn't ask for it (and have not for a long time), and while I can't say whether or not she enjoyed it, she certainly didn't seem disgusted by the idea. 

It came about largely due to me getting rid of my own inhibitions about giving oral. I gave it to her a couple of times in the past week for only the 2nd and 3rd time and she loved it. More importantly I think she sensed I loved it. After that she told me she'd give me a BJ soon but I made it clear that I didn't expect anything back and I only gave her oral 'cos I enjoyed it. But true to her word, she did, and it was great 

Thanks TAM, I can confidently say that it's thanks to this thread that oral sex has become a part of our sex life!


----------



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> Thought I'd post an update.
> 
> Got my first BJ a couple of nights ago
> 
> Thanks TAM, I can confidently say that it's thanks to this thread that oral sex has become a part of our sex life!


:smthumbup:


----------



## needyForHelp (Aug 8, 2012)

Good for you ....... OP

But now I don't want to start a new threa because my request quite similar. 

I am married to my wife for 4 years, I love ORAL, If she doesn't want to give me a BJ I might live with it, but I LOVE TO GIVE HER ORAL ....... And I have tried it many times, and actually from my past experiences I know I am quite good at it. But she would just not take it. She always refuses to take it, even when I try to reach there she would close the legs and straight forwardly say, no mouth, and most of the times its such a turn off for her that she totally losses her seduction if I just went down to try for it, and haven't even touched yet, so even the thought of getting an oral turns my wife off. 

But the problem is I like to give oral and I want to give it to her. But she just won't let me. So any ideas that I could convince her, to only get the oral without any expectations of returning the favor.


----------



## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

needyForHelp said:


> Good for you ....... OP
> 
> But now I don't want to start a new threa because my request quite similar.
> 
> ...


Me Too. My wife won't let me give her oral. She says she can't come that way and won't let me try. My ex and gfs never complained, in fact, they liked it. I think my wife is either too concerned about cleanliness or has had disastrous past history. Sometimes I think she is afraid to do things she likes TOO much, for some reason she says she feels guilty when she has too much fun sexually. Is that a catholic thing?


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> I would say that course of action is inadvisable. *Women are generally extremely uncomfortable with men giving them oral; I'm not saying they don't want it, it's just that most of them are extremely self-conscious about their anatomy, *and I think there's a possibility of the encounter ending very poorly if he makes her very first oral encounter a surprise one.


I don't think you know as much as you like to think you know. Even if you have been with 1000 women you cannot make such sweeping generalisations about women. 
This is where men (and women) get it so wrong. Each person is an individual, some women you know don't like oral, that actually means ****** all in the big scheme of things.

Well done OP, onwards and upwards.


----------



## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

I don't think so. Maybe your wife just didn't like doing it.


----------



## needyForHelp (Aug 8, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> I would say that course of action is inadvisable. Women are generally extremely uncomfortable with men giving them oral; I'm not saying they don't want it, it's just that most of them are extremely self-conscious about their anatomy, and I think there's a possibility of the encounter ending very poorly if he makes her very first oral encounter a surprise one.


I don't agree with you  Well I had a virgin Girl Friend and the first time we were together in the bed, I went down, she was a bit shocked and asked what was I doing, I just said, wait and see, and she let me do it, and she loved it and then we did EVERY TIME.

My another ex-Girlfriend who was not a virgin but she never had an oral before, when I gave her oral she loved it and became addicted to it but was not ready to return the favor so I stopped giving her the oral and when she asked me why don't I do it anymore, I just replied with the answer she used to give me for not giving me the BJ, i-e. Now I also find it disgusting. .... a couple of days later, out of no where she started the BJ on me .... and then we had awesome 69's we both loved it and she would do anything to get an oral from me. 

But my wife on the other hand has never let me do it and even (as I explained before) I try to go down there, its a deal breaker and she looses all her seduction (if she gets any, at the first place) and instead of getting the oral, the whole sex theme is over, and sleeps by turning her back to me, leaving me in the middle of no where, all stiff and seduced.


----------



## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

needyForHelp said:


> Good for you ....... OP
> 
> But now I don't want to start a new threa because my request quite similar.
> 
> ...



The best advice I would say is something someone that's been mentioned a few times in this thread... baby steps. Asking for it isn't one of them.

My personal path to success:

Step 1: Sounds dumb but I bought one of those sex board games that involved a bit of oral fun (not full on but pretty steamy). My wife is into that sort of thing so was happy to play along and got into the mood. Ended up doing oral on her that night for the first time thought she stopped me after half a min when her inhibitions kicked in, and later on said it was disgusting. 

Step two: Wasn't really putting much effort into it at this point but got lucky when I stuck some porn on and the wife started watching too. Watched a guy giving oral and the girl seemed to go crazy. This obviously had an effect on the wife who through.. hmmm, maybe it's worth a go! 

Step three: So she was quite up for trying it again at this point and so I did it again. She didn't stop me for a long time this time. She loved it but more importantly I told her I loved it, and this seemed to pretty much kill off any inhibitions she had. 

Obviously, everyone is an individual and your wife my not be into watching porn or playing silly board games or simply may not like oral full stop, sounds like it's actually a big turn off for her so it's hard to say. But I'd still say its worth trying different things. Good luck.


----------



## needyForHelp (Aug 8, 2012)

Last night I tried to convince her to get Oral, I tried to kiss her around (under there, except the V part) but closer I went to V .... she kept pulling away, and became tensed, I tried to bring my tongue closer and the moment it touched her, she closed the legs and didn't let me go ahead, and said, I just don't like the feeling of the touch of your tongue there. She is totally repulsive to the idea of oral, she loves me touching her with my fingers and always gets an Orgasm with my fingers (without inserting my finger in) .... 

So what should I do now, to convince her to get an oral? I am sure once she gets it she is gonna love it. And along with that touching the boobs is only allowed once in a blue moon, if she is totally totally seduced then, otherwise no, and once she is seduced, if I even touch her nipples or V she gets an Orgasm pretty quickly, and after that its finished, no concept of having multiple O's 

So any help will be appreciated.


----------

