# I'm going to sound selfish, but darn it



## pleasecoffee (Jun 18, 2015)

I just want to go on a date. and I don't want to lower my standards. All I ask for is 
1) have a full time job/career ( I would prefer someone in the criminal justice field, but I'm flexible)
2) be clean cut
3) not be a psychopath
4) not have a STD

is it really that hard? I don't remember it being that hard when I was dating pre marriage. Now that I am Post marriage, apparently these kind of guys followed the Lemmings and jumped off a cliff somewhere.

*breathing into paperbag*


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

There are tons of guys out there that are single and fit your description. What about you would attract a man like that? What about you would repel a man like that?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

It doesn't sound like you're asking that much...

I saw in another thread that you said you haven't gotten past a first date. Are you learning men have STDs or are Psychos on the first date? (Just curious)

How long have you been trying? How are you meeting men? If online dating, what type of sites have you been using? (I wonder if some are more serious than others.)

Did you know there is such thing as a dating coach? I have no idea how good they are, I just know I met a guy at a business convention who did that for a living. I thought it was interesting. It sounded like his clients were more younger women.

If that's your picture in your profile, you look attractive. 

There are good men out there. (There have to be... right?)

Good luck!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Sorry I'm east coast..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Probably most are married or in committed relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

pleasecoffee said:


> I just want to go on a date. and I don't want to lower my standards. All I ask for is
> 1) have a full time job/career ( I would prefer someone in the criminal justice field, but I'm flexible)
> 2) be clean cut
> 3) not be a psychopath
> ...


Uhhh... no offense intended (because we have a fair number of upstanding LEO's here), but, if #2, #3, and #4 are huge deals for you, you may want to rethink the in-parentheses portion of #1.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How have you been meeting guys... I guess all the wrong guys?


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## pleasecoffee (Jun 18, 2015)

I have been finding out in the first meeting. I don't really beat around the bush. The last guy has Hep A. I meet guys at meet up, match, zoosk and okc. As for the LEO thing, I was married to a LEO for 13 years, and loved it. The times he worked night shift, I was a single mom, and then when I did see him, it was on. That's why we have twins. I don't mind being alone, and many women dont understand that portion of it. But the psychopath thing, they become really clingy, asking why you didn't text back in the 15 minutes he text. I might be in the shower, in a meeting, or dealing with my own life. Yes that is my photo, and taken in the last month. I did hear, guys don't like redheads. So eh, just need to vent occasionally


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I read that it's in the numbers. Go out with a lot of guys.. lots of 1st and 2nd dates. And eventually you will find one that is right for you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

FWIW, most guys go gaga for redheads.

That said, your hair actually looks more blonde than red in that pic, at least to me.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Getting flack because You didn't text back in 15 minutes would definitely be a red flag to me. Creepy/annoying/clingy/ick.

I looked up Hep A and they say it's acute and most people get better from it. Though they were not clear on if it goes away where you are no longer contagious. It sounds like there is a vaccine for it. I guess if it came up it was because it was a concern. 

They said you can get it from food or close contact. When you said STD I was thinking something like Herpes, HPV or HIV.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

FrenchFry said:


> ...Something I found very true though: if you come out guns blazing the first date, the people who like blazing guns will be the ones attracted to you.
> 
> So while I understand the strategy of laying it all out in the beginning, it can look like something else completely (for example, you like a degree of clingyness.)...


That's a really good point. the fact that the OP wants to weed out the ones that aren't a good fit quickly indicates that the OP is looking for something serious. Which is fine, but that may come across as needy/too intense almost in the same way the person who expects are response within 15 minutes of texting comes across as too needy - or assuming a level of connectedness/intimacy that certainly should not be there after just one date.

It sounds like Internet dating almost turns it into a job interview... You have your check list of what you're looking for and you can cut people based on a trait that you normally would not know/realize about them if you met under different circumstances and had the relationship develop more organically. It sounds like a blessing and a curse - you can avoid certain traits, but you might cut a person you'd be very happy with if you didn't learn that trait until you had developed genuine affection for them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Redheads rock!

You do look blonde in the picture though. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

pleasecoffee said:


> I just want to go on a date. and I don't want to lower my standards. All I ask for is
> 1) have a full time job/career ( I would prefer someone in the criminal justice field, but I'm flexible)
> 2) be clean cut
> 3) not be a psychopath
> ...


:frown2:. I'm sure it seems that way PC. Scrubs are more and more common. You have a few basic expectations so stick to them because someone will meet them.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> My redheaded bff gets a ton of attention for her hair...not all of it good mind you but plenty of it.


I have red hair. Like FrenchFry's friend, I get a lot of attention for it. Some of it good, some of it not so good.

You've gotta take the good with the bad, I suppose


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

I think its really just a matter of luck, open mindedness and persistence on your part. What I think is very interesting about present day dating is that many people tend to lean towards online dating sites ( i think 30-40 % of married couples have met on such sites) its almost as if people have forgotten that its quite possible to go outside for a walk in the park and meet the person they are meant to be with (if you believe in fate and such  ). I would just take a deep breath and relax, and when the right guy comes around you will know, i mentioned being persistent in the sense that you always keep trying and are open minded and would be willing to give the right person a chance no matter where you meet them. Try joining meetup groups, do things you love to do, you mentioned you have children, would you prefer a man with or without children ? Just try to enjoy your children, enjoy your single life and be as happy as you can be on your own. So you are looking for someone who is has a job, is clean cut, prefer someone in law enforcement, you want them to be disease free, and you don't want some needy,clingy psychopath 
GEESH YOU HAVE SUCH HIGH STANDARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <sarcasm>  

just teasing you , i think your initial post was very sweet and endearing  And i think most guys find red heads quite attractive, but in that photo i agree with some of the others , you look blond :X its a cute photo by the way


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I read that it's in the numbers. Go out with a lot of guys.. lots of 1st and 2nd dates. And eventually you will find one that is right for you.


:iagree:



FrenchFry said:


> Something I found very true though: if you come out guns blazing the first date, the people who like blazing guns will be the ones attracted to you.
> 
> So while I understand the strategy of laying it all out in the beginning, it can look like something else completely (for example, you like a degree of clingyness.)
> 
> Also, men love redheads/blondes/brunettes/asians/black chicks whatever. My redheaded bff gets a ton of attention for her hair...not all of it good mind you but plenty of it.


When you lay it all out there on the first date, it can easily scare men away. Maybe hold back just a little bit. There has to be a happy medium there. I like to be very upfront and honest, but tend to wait until a few dates later for some info because too much too soon will definitely end any potential relationship. 

I have strawberry blonde hair, where many people will ask if I'm a redhead, and get a lot of attention for it. Men love all different looks, as you can't please everyone and you shouldn't want to. Just feel confident in your own skin, knowing that you look good. Confidence is attractive.


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