# Married woman at work messaging me. I'm single. What to do?



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

I'm anonymous here so I'm going to be honest af. I'm physically a 9.5 out of 10 in terms of male beauty. Random people I don't know tell me that I "look like an actor". Dark hair, blue eyes, "actor's" face, fit. Women in the office (the office is 100% female besides me) buy me random gifts like candy, etc. One of them took an art class to learn how to paint, then painted a painting for my office. Ha.

Most of them stare at me constantly, and it's been getting worse. It's honestly creepy at this point. They invent bs reasons to talk to me. Many of them lost weight and started exercising when I joined the company one year ago. The CEO, who is also female, works in a different HQ office. The week I started, she came to MY office and said she saw my picture online and had to see what I looked like in person. A group of them begged me to join their workout group. I get harassed in my car and on the street by random women. 

Etc., etc., etc. 

Anyway, we're all working at home right now because of COVID-19. One of them (married like most of them) has started emailing me and asked me to call her "during the day just to say hi".

What do I do?

1) HR
2) Ignore her but she's a VP and I'm on a level below that. And I love my job.
3) Give in to it. She's like a 7 out of 10 so I'm not even attracted to her, but I'd bang her if desperate.

Thoughts? Thanks.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Really your joking right?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Tell her you’re busy working. Also be clear you aren’t interested in random calls with married women.
Only call her/have sex with her if you intend to lose your job.

don’t ruin your work environment by getting interested in anyone you work with.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Beach123 said:


> Tell her you’re busy working. Also be clear you aren’t interested in random calls with married women.
> Only call her/have sex with her if you intend to lose your job.
> 
> don’t ruin your work environment by getting interested in anyone you work with.


So then beach, your telling him to get laid by a married woman? And then there's the possibility of him losing his job. 

By telling the so called VP, who just happens to be a 7+. And because he's a near 10, it would be risky.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I would ignore the messages about calling her. The problem you run into is in a perfect world you could go to HR if a problem develops but sometimes Rank gets protected. It happens.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Tilted 1 said:


> So then beach, your telling him to get laid by a married woman? And then there's the possibility of him losing his job.
> 
> By telling the so called VP, who just happens to be a 7+. And because he's a near 10, it would be risky.


I said don’t get involved!
ONLY get involved IF you intend to lose your job! It won’t end well if you get involved with any women from work.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Sheez have they never seen an attractive male? Where I live they are everywhere and it’s no big deal.

are you sure your ego is in check?

i’ve been an attractive woman my whole life - yes, people stared... I ignored them and do the work I was hired to do. I never got involved with anyone I worked with.

attractive people are no great commodity... you may need to check yourself.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Beach123 said:


> I said don’t get involved!
> ONLY get involved IF you intend to lose your job! It won’t end well if you get involved with any women from work.


 So I understood you correctly then.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> Really your joking right?


I am not joking. Which part did you think I was joking about?


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Beach123 said:


> Tell her you’re busy working. Also be clear you aren’t interested in random calls with married women.
> Only call her/have sex with her if you intend to lose your job.
> 
> don’t ruin your work environment by getting interested in anyone you work with.


Great advice, thank you. I do NOT want to lose this job, especially with so many people being laid off or "furloughed" right now.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Marc878 said:


> I would ignore the messages about calling her. The problem you run into is in a perfect world you could go to HR if a problem develops but sometimes Rank gets protected. It happens.


This is what I'm worried about. The CEO is a newlywed and she's into me, I know it. I'm not losing this ****ing job but I feel pressure from all around me. Most of the entire office plus the CEO is into me. All of them. It's horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Beach123 said:


> Sheez have they never seen an attractive male? Where I live they are everywhere and it’s no big deal.
> 
> are you sure your ego is in check?
> 
> ...


I'm not just attractive, I'm extremely attractive. Top 5% of all men attractive. I've known it my entire life and my life has been a ****ing nightmare for the most part because of it. Targeted by pedophiles as a young kid, attacked by bullies, molested by teachers, harassed by men who think I'm gay when I'm not, hit on by my friends' gf's/wives. It's been a nightmare.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

So sorry for your agony. I have a very attractive, charming daughter--rather exotic looking. It is fun to go places with her and see folks stare, give favors, attention, etc.

However, she learned early on *not* to give out a vibe that she might be interested. She is also smart, has an important job, and knows how to manage people--in most all circumstances.

Any chance your inside is less complete than your outside?


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

sunsetmist said:


> So sorry for your agony. I have a very attractive, charming daughter--rather exotic looking. It is fun to go places with her and see folks stare, give favors, attention, etc.
> 
> However, she learned early on *not* to give out a vibe that she might be interested. She is also smart, has an important job, and knows how to manage people--in most all circumstances.
> 
> Any chance your inside is less complete than your outside?


She doesn't give out a vibe that she might be interested because she's a female and that's what females do. I'm not. I'm a male. Major difference.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm anonymous here so I'm going to be honest af. I'm physically a 9.5 out of 10 in terms of male beauty. Random people I don't know tell me that I "look like an actor". Dark hair, blue eyes, "actor's" face, fit. Women in the office (the office is 100% female besides me) buy me random gifts like candy, etc. One of them took an art class to learn how to paint, then painted a painting for my office. Ha.
> 
> Most of them stare at me constantly, and it's been getting worse. It's honestly creepy at this point. They invent bs reasons to talk to me. Many of them lost weight and started exercising when I joined the company one year ago. The CEO, who is also female, works in a different HQ office. The week I started, she came to MY office and said she saw my picture online and had to see what I looked like in person. A group of them begged me to join their workout group. I get harassed in my car and on the street by random women.
> 
> ...


Have you ever had this problem at any other job, or in any other situation?

Just ignore her. If you ever talk to her, make it short and to the point.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I’m not totally convinced about this especially when you say that you’ve always been handsome. You should certainly have learned how to look after yourself at this stage. 
If you’re as handsome as you say why don’t you have a seriously hot girlfriend/girlfriends?
You could introduce her to your colleagues and maybe put her picture on your desk.
You don’t say what age you are but I would assume early to mid twenties. You should be having the time of your life not fretting over some women who may or may not be looking for extracurricular activities of a horizontal nature.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ignore her. If she brings it up in person, tell her that you keep your professional life separate from your personal life.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Get a job where there are lots of guys working.....problem solved.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Wouldn't it be worth it to discuss the matter with someone in HR and to show the unwanted messages from this woman? she may up her efforts after a while.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm anonymous here so I'm going to be honest af. I'm physically a 9.5 out of 10 in terms of male beauty. Random people I don't know tell me that I "look like an actor". Dark hair, blue eyes, "actor's" face, fit. Women in the office (the office is 100% female besides me) buy me random gifts like candy, etc. One of them took an art class to learn how to paint, then painted a painting for my office. Ha.
> 
> Most of them stare at me constantly, and it's been getting worse. It's honestly creepy at this point. They invent bs reasons to talk to me. Many of them lost weight and started exercising when I joined the company one year ago. The CEO, who is also female, works in a different HQ office. The week I started, she came to MY office and said she saw my picture online and had to see what I looked like in person. A group of them begged me to join their workout group. I get harassed in my car and on the street by random women.


Well color ME confused.

Why would someone *SO *beautiful and *SO* desired need to settle for a married woman when he clearly has the pick of the litter everywhere he goes?

Gosh and golly, that just doesn't make sense. 🤪


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well color ME confused.
> 
> Why would someone *SO *beautiful and *SO* desired need to settle for a married woman when he clearly has the pick of the litter everywhere he goes?
> 
> Gosh and golly, that just doesn't make sense. 🤪


Inquiring minds want to know!


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I don't know what your business relationship is with this woman. If you report to her or work as part of a group that provides some service to her, then you should call her. The term "just to say hi" is corporate-speak for "status report".


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So ignore ALL of them. You can't control them -- even the newlywed CEO -- you can only control YOUR reactions to them. If you are this good looking and been hit on by basically EVERYONE your whole life, you should know how to deflect their attentions by now. You say good looking women know how to do this -- well, men should also (unless you just gave in to anyone who showed attention). You must know how to do this.

He is what your reaction should be to any/all ESPECIALLY married:

Cool. professional and you are NOT INTERESTED in their personal lives in ANY WAY. If they try to turn conversations personal, turn it RIGHT back to work/professional.
If there is no "work" item to talk about, politely, but firmly, tell them you have to get back to work as you want to get it cleared off your plate asap.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

ConfusedDenver said:


> 2) Ignore her but she's a VP and I'm on a level below that. And I love my job.


If you're in a state which allows one-party phone recording, go along with it and record the conversations. Let her lead the way and then sue the company for sexual harassment. Say you loved the job and were worried she'd fire you if you didn't go along.

I wouldn't go to HR now because her comment is so vague it can be easily explained away.

Morally you should not engage in this. You should respond to her initial request saying you'd rather keep your relationship professional.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

LoL, I guess I don't see this as a conundrum. Its quite easy really, just say you aren't interested. Also I guess I feel like unless all of a sudden you just got good looking yesterday. You should be used to the attention and how to brush it off and keep moving. I am really not sure how its done though. And maybe this isn't the best place for you to seek advice. Most of us on here are hideous. In fact we all look exactly like trolls.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Have you ever had this problem at any other job, or in any other situation?
> 
> Just ignore her. If you ever talk to her, make it short and to the point.


I've been sexually harassed and abused my entire life. At every job I've ever had. It's nothing new.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not totally convinced about this especially when you say that you’ve always been handsome. You should certainly have learned how to look after yourself at this stage.
> If you’re as handsome as you say why don’t you have a seriously hot girlfriend/girlfriends?
> You could introduce her to your colleagues and maybe put her picture on your desk.
> You don’t say what age you are but I would assume early to mid twenties. You should be having the time of your life not fretting over some women who may or may not be looking for extracurricular activities of a horizontal nature.


Which part are you not convinced about? People are only attracted to those who are as at least attractive as themselves. On top of that, women want to be the pretty ones in the relationship, not men. I'm a man. Which woman is prettier than me? What's her name? Where does she live? How do I find her?


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Get a job where there are lots of guys working.....problem solved.


Just get a different job? In this environment? Are you kidding?


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm anonymous here so I'm going to be honest af. I'm physically a 9.5 out of 10 in terms of male beauty. Random people I don't know tell me that I "look like an actor". Dark hair, blue eyes, "actor's" face, fit. Women in the office (the office is 100% female besides me) buy me random gifts like candy, etc. One of them took an art class to learn how to paint, then painted a painting for my office. Ha.
> 
> Most of them stare at me constantly, and it's been getting worse. It's honestly creepy at this point. They invent bs reasons to talk to me. Many of them lost weight and started exercising when I joined the company one year ago. The CEO, who is also female, works in a different HQ office. The week I started, she came to MY office and said she saw my picture online and had to see what I looked like in person. A group of them begged me to join their workout group. I get harassed in my car and on the street by random women.
> 
> ...


Fulfill job related tasks

Do not pursue her socially. 
She is married. 
She is MARRIED
SHE IS MARRIED.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well color ME confused.
> 
> Why would someone *SO *beautiful and *SO* desired need to settle for a married woman when he clearly has the pick of the litter everywhere he goes?
> 
> Gosh and golly, that just doesn't make sense. 🤪


Please let me explain. Having the "pick of the litter" means nothing. If you had a gun to my head AND offered to pay me $1,000,000 to have sex with an average looking woman, I couldn't do it. It's not physiologically possible for me to "have the pick of the litter". I'm not attracted to the litter. It's not their fault at all, it's me. I wouldn't touch a woman from "the litter" if she was the last woman on Earth. 

I'm ****ing cursed and no one will ever feel sorry for me. Thanks for listening everyone.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

ReformedHubby said:


> LoL, I guess I don't see this as a conundrum. Its quite easy really, just say you aren't interested. Also I guess I feel like unless all of a sudden you just got good looking yesterday. You should be used to the attention and how to brush it off and keep moving. I am really not sure how its done though. And maybe this isn't the best place for you to seek advice. Most of us on here are hideous. In fact we all look exactly like trolls.


Rollin someone help.

Naw on second thought let me be.😆


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Please let me explain. Having the "pick of the litter" means nothing. If you had a gun to my head AND offered to pay me $1,000,000 to have sex with an average looking woman, I couldn't do it. It's not physiologically possible for me to "have the pick of the litter". I'm not attracted to the litter. It's not their fault at all, it's me. I wouldn't touch a woman from "the litter" if she was the last woman on Earth.
> 
> I'm ****ing cursed and no one will ever feel sorry for me. Thanks for listening everyone.


Ok, I'm a bit confused -- what do you mean you are not attracted to the "litter"? Are you not attracted to women? I'm just not following. Are you saying you are only attracted to 10s? Married women? 

I do think you've been given good responses here -- IGNORE all of them if you are not interested, and do not play into their games about their personal lives, flirting, etc.. Just work and do your job, and then go live your life outside of work and do what you enjoy. You sound REALLY stressed about it (like maybe a bit conflict avoidant??) -- please try to relax about this and just ignore them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm not just attractive, I'm extremely attractive. Top 5% of all men attractive. I've known it my entire life and my life has been a ****ing nightmare for the most part because of it. Targeted by pedophiles as a young kid, attacked by bullies, molested by teachers, harassed by men who think I'm gay when I'm not, hit on by my friends' gf's/wives. It's been a nightmare.


Ok. Some of this strikes cords. I've never really thought I was all that but have been told otherwise. I was targeted by child molesters for the reasons you mentioned and had some other experiences similar to what you described.

I'm positive I'm not as attractive as you but I can tell you how I coped with things.

You need to develop your inner strength and character and have a code of honor you live by.

This inner strength of character and integrity needs to be on display at all times so everyone knows where you stand.

You cannot afford to be weak and that is how you are coming off.

You should also work your ass off to establish yourself while building your resume so you can get a better position, based on more merit than looks. You may have gotten this job because of your looks but you should use the opportunity to develop and grow so as to move upwards in your career.

I'm curious about why you don't have a girlfriend?

How long have you been single?

Dating someone where you work can be a minefield but review your company policy on it. Messing around with married women or even being too passive when they are being aggressive is very dangerous and stupid.

I have had married co-workers, neighbors, etc. come at me very aggressively and boldly and I had to good at deflecting them.

When they know you aren't game, they will probably still flirt but not too aggressively.

It is a double standard but you are a man and it isn't like they can physically overpower you so you can afford to be gentle.

I usually smile and kid back with them unless it crosses the flirty, fun line. But they all know quickly that I am not going there. Even when I was single, a woman that already had a boyfriend or husband was out of bounds totally and I made sure to keep my boundaries in place.

You need to develop inside because this isn't going away and you will have to learn to navigate life successfully if you want some happiness.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> Fulfill job related tasks
> 
> Do not pursue her socially.
> She is married.
> ...


I'm not pursuing her. She is buying me gifts and calling me and emailing me. I understand that she is married, but she is pursuing ME.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm not pursuing her. She is buying me gifts and calling me and emailing me. I understand that she is married, but she is pursuing ME.


If she is buying you gifts, then just tell her "Please don't buy me things anymore. I am not comfortable with a married woman doing that, so please stop."
If she continues, just say it again, but add "I'm sure your husband wouldn't be happy to know that you are buying another man gifts" and leave it at that.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> Ok, I'm a bit confused -- what do you mean you are not attracted to the "litter"? Are you not attracted to women? I'm just not following. Are you saying you are only attracted to 10s? Married women?
> 
> I do think you've been given good responses here -- IGNORE all of them if you are not interested, and do not play into their games about their personal lives, flirting, etc.. Just work and do your job, and then go live your life outside of work and do what you enjoy. You sound REALLY stressed about it (like maybe a bit conflict avoidant??) -- please try to relax about this and just ignore them.


I am attracted to women only, but only those who are at least as attractive as I am. I can find none of those. Where are they? Who are they? And yes, I'm very conflict avoidant. I don't know how you picked up on that. I'm an adult survivor of child abuse so maybe that's why I avoid conflict to this day. I don't know.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Which part are you not convinced about? People are only attracted to those who are as at least attractive as themselves. On top of that, women want to be the pretty ones in the relationship, not men. I'm a man. Which woman is prettier than me? What's her name? Where does she live? How do I find her?


Ummm..... I'm not as good looking as you but I learned. When I was in my late teens, I was invited to parties with very wealthy gay men and very beautiful people in attendance.

Models were readily available to dance with and score with as well.

I had my choice of several men and women if I wanted at that time.

Like I said, work on what's inside because you are coming off as very weak and shallow inside.

If you are as attractive as you say, I don't believe you haven't encountered some very spectacular looking ladies who at least wanted to take you for a spin.

I came from a very hard background so I wasn't in a good place in my head to get into a relationship but I had very solid offers from models and very successful women who were also very nice and good in their hearts.

If you haven't run into some of the same, the problem is in you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I am attracted to women only, but only those who are at least as attractive as I am. I can find none of those. Where are they? Who are they? And yes, I'm very conflict avoidant. I don't know how you picked up on that. I'm an adult survivor of child abuse so maybe that's why I avoid conflict to this day. I don't know.


VERY sorry that you are a victim of CSA. Have you been to counseling for this -- I HOPE SO! If not, please work on this as it WILL affect your relationships for the rest of your life. I think IC just in GENERAL could help you work past some of these things (being conflict avoidant, etc.) -- you need to feel GOOD about yourself and NOT just for your looks.

Let me just ask a question here -- if you found a 7 or 8 who is a WONDERFUL person, wouldn't you be attracted to them as opposed to a 9 or 10 who is a hell-fire b*tch?
I realize that physical attraction is what it is, but if you are looking for fulfilling LTR's, LOOKS are not everything. Please try to start looking "inside" to see what is really important to you. LOOKS should only be one criteria.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm not pursuing her. She is buying me gifts and calling me and emailing me. I understand that she is married, but she is pursuing ME.


I'd document it. Keep copies of messages and emails....in case this has to go to a 3rd party and if she lies to get out of it or says you were after her.
Then go the direct and honest route. 
Talk to her bluntly....like she's a man. 
Be kind but tell her that you will never have an affair on inappropriate interaction with a married person. 
Hopefully that will end it. If she punishes you at work then take the evidence to HR and her husband.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Can I ask you a personal question, remember nobody on this forum knows you. 
Have you ever had a sexual relationship with a girlfriend.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Speaking honestly here Confused....i think women falling all over you is not your biggest issue, i think your shallowness is...the way you speak about going after a less attractive woman speaks volumes about you, You may have been blessed with the looks of a god but clearly you seem one dimensional, and god forbid that you lose your looks i'm not quite honestly sure your sparkling personality would carry you far....i think you need to stop looking in the mirror and exam the person inside, because clearly you demostrate shallowness at how you measure women with numbers and it's really ugly.


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

Show me a beautiful person and I’ll show you an Ex that can’t stand them. If you’re a 9 go after 9s. End of story.
Tell the married woman’s husband that she’s interacting with you.
You can shut this down so quickly, but let me guess, you enjoy the attention and the gifts.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Dawg, have you ever thought about becoming a male escort for the ladies. You'd have to get passed the issue of not being able to perform with < 10's. PM me if interested.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Am I the only one that wants to see a pic of the OP? At this point I am curious as to what this breath takingly gorgeous man looks like.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

VladDracul said:


> Dawg, have you ever thought about becoming a male escort for the ladies. You'd have to get passed the issue of not being able to perform with < 10's. PM me if interested.


You old reprobate! 😄


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Am I the only one that wants to see a pic of the OP? At this point I am curious as to what this breath takingly gorgeous man looks like.


Hey dude! How does your lady feel about you scoping out pretty boys?

Not being judgemental or anything...😁


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Can I ask you a personal question, remember nobody on this forum knows you.
> Have you ever had a sexual relationship with a girlfriend.


That's actually a good question. One the best looking friends/acquaintances I know was a guy named Bob. He was probably the most dull person I have ever known, and he rarely even spoke. He got laid a lot but never really had relationships. I was never sure if it was because he didn't want one, or if women really only wanted him for one thing because he was so boring and dry. Bob was definitely a guy that made me realize that all the pick up artist "science" is nonsense. There was absolutely nothing alpha about Bob at all. He was so good looking none of that stuff even mattered, he'd just have to stand there. With that said I agree that its odd to me that the OP feels he is too pretty for women. My friend Bob as dull as he was had a LOT of fun in his twenties when were hanging out. One other thing I can say about Bob is he wasn't full of himself, I wouldn't have hung out with him if he was

When i was in my late teens and twenties, I can't say I turned down many. But I genuinely love women, I am attracted to a wide variety of "types." Based on my experience my friends that were picky were in actuality very limited in experience, and in some cases probably still virgins.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I've seen shallow enough, and that a picture of another one is pisswarm at best. Vanity and shallowness always display themselves as weak and unable to cope smallest little discomfort.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Hey dude! How does your lady feel about you scoping out pretty boys?
> 
> Not being judgemental or anything...😁


LoL, c'mon man. I know I am not the only curious one on this thread. I am thinking this guy must be a cross between between Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and David Beckham in their prime. If he did share a pic I would certainly show it to her and ask her opinion of him. For his sake though I hope he really is that good looking, because I might literally die laughing if in actuality he looks like Patton Oswalt instead.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@ConfusedDenver have you ever been married? Was she a 10 as well?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> LoL, c'mon man. I know I am not the only curious one on this thread. I am thinking this guy must be a cross between between Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and David Beckham in their prime. If he did share a pic I would certainly show it to her and ask her opinion of him. For his sake though I hope he really is that good looking, because I might literally die laughing if in actuality he looks like Patton Oswalt instead.


And the thing is, how good looking he is has zero relevance to this situation. I assure you that there is some guy working in a sewage plant who looks like a troll and he is getting hit on by his boss. The advice is the same regardless of the attractiveness of the people involved.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> Be kind but tell her that you will never have an affair on inappropriate interaction with a married person.
> Hopefully that will end it. If she punishes you at work then take the evidence to HR and her husband.


In today's environment, go straight to HR if you have hard proof of inappropriate behavior like email and gifts. If they are sending it to you, they are sending it to other people. The only thing talking to the person does is potentially get them to stop doing it to you. They won't change their behavior and they'll harass someone else. When there is clear evidence of inappropriate behavior, take it to HR so they have a serious conversation with the offender to permanently end the behavior.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Invite her to meet with your Pastor.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Just don't respond to anything other than professional/business communication. You also need to let your office 'friends' know that you have a GF (a good cover story) and are therefore not available.

I am not handsome, but I have been in your shoes. Maybe I was lucky because my female boss knew I was married - and didn't retaliate when I didn't respond. It actually culminated when we two were traveling and working on a presentation for the next day in her bedroom.
She was 15 years younger than me, single, and attractive.

In your case, she's married so you don't have to give any explanation (just ignore her). If pressed, tell her directly that you are not comfortable with personal communication with a married woman.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Invite her to meet with your Pastor.


Kind of brilliant...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Please let me explain. Having the "pick of the litter" means nothing. If you had a gun to my head AND offered to pay me $1,000,000 to have sex with an average looking woman, I couldn't do it. It's not physiologically possible for me to "have the pick of the litter". I'm not attracted to the litter. It's not their fault at all, it's me. I wouldn't touch a woman from "the litter" if she was the last woman on Earth.
> 
> I'm ****ing cursed and no one will ever feel sorry for me. Thanks for listening everyone.


This response is very odd. I know women are are 10+. When I was young I was too. None of us are "cursed". 

Sure men hit on us all the time. I had bosses and co-workers who crossed the time. It's not all that hard to handle that sort of come-on.

There are a lot of women who are 10's. You could easily find a women who is as good looking as you are.

How old are you?
How many woman have you dated in your life? 
How many long-term relationships have you been in?
When was the last time you dated a woman?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm not pursuing her. She is buying me gifts and calling me and emailing me. I understand that she is married, but she is pursuing ME.


Get copies of all the emails.
Record every phone call.
Keep every gift.

Tell her that you are not interested.

If she starts to use her position to hurt your job, take your evidence to HR. If you loose your job or they make your job miserable, see a lawyer and sure for as much as you can.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I wonder how many females will read this on here and send him a PM.

I totally agree that attractiveness has nothing to do with advice needed. Tell the woman you don't date coworkers, ever. It's a policy you have. QED, end of problem.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Brother I am in the same spot or boat. Not really. Be polite, respond once that you are working and just want to keep it professional. Log everything and if it continues then you will have to notify HR as again you don’t want to loose this job. 
When this is all over and the world starts turning back on it’s original axis. Get IC as you have a over the top attitude towards yourself and others and that isn’t healthy for any longterm relationship.
Buffer


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Just a caveat. If you want to put your life in danger, mess around with the wife or girlfriend of a "gorgeous" man. 2x as dangerous as a 10 women who loses her fawning man to a plainer woman. Vanity is like nitro-glycerin. Shake it at your own risk.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

May I ask why you joined this site 7 1/2 years ago but never posted of this grievous problem until now?

I think you may be mistaken and it's not your looks that is driving the ladies crazy it's your modesty and humble nature.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> Can I ask you a personal question, remember nobody on this forum knows you.
> Have you ever had a sexual relationship with a girlfriend.


First time was senior year of high school, 17 years old. She's currently married and told her husband when he proposed to her that he would always be "number 2" in her heart to me. He married her anyway. She's been sleeping with the teddy bear I bought her for Christmas at 17 to this very day.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Rubix Cubed said:


> May I ask why you joined this site 7 1/2 years ago but never posted of this grievous problem until now?
> 
> I think you may be mistaken and it's not your looks that is driving the ladies crazy it's your modesty and humble nature.


Because I've been spending most of my previous internet time posting on a basketball forum, but the NBA has been suspended and that forum is boring right now.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Rubix Cubed said:


> May I ask why you joined this site 7 1/2 years ago but never posted of this grievous problem until now?
> 
> I think you may be mistaken and it's not your looks that is driving the ladies crazy it's your modesty and humble nature.


I'm extremely modest and humble in real life. People tell me they love me for my kind personality. But posting here is like a therapy session and I feel like being less humble. and more honest.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Have you ever had this problem at any other job, or in any other situation?
> 
> Just ignore her. If you ever talk to her, make it short and to the point.


I've been objectified and sexually harassed at every school I've attended and at every job I've ever held. For my entire life.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not totally convinced about this especially when you say that you’ve always been handsome. You should certainly have learned how to look after yourself at this stage.
> If you’re as handsome as you say why don’t you have a seriously hot girlfriend/girlfriends?
> You could introduce her to your colleagues and maybe put her picture on your desk.
> You don’t say what age you are but I would assume early to mid twenties. You should be having the time of your life not fretting over some women who may or may not be looking for extracurricular activities of a horizontal nature.


I don't have a seriously hot girlfriend because their beauty is just as rare as mine is. They are extremely rare to come across and, since women want to be the good looking ones in a relationship, I can't find any that are better looking than me. It's lonely and depressing. I'm not physically attracted to the vast majority of women I see on the street.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I don't know what your business relationship is with this woman. If you report to her or work as part of a group that provides some service to her, then you should call her. The term "just to say hi" is corporate-speak for "status report".


Same physical office, different department. We work together for maybe 15 minutes a month, at best.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

wilson said:


> If you're in a state which allows one-party phone recording, go along with it and record the conversations. Let her lead the way and then sue the company for sexual harassment. Say you loved the job and were worried she'd fire you if you didn't go along.
> 
> I wouldn't go to HR now because her comment is so vague it can be easily explained away.
> 
> Morally you should not engage in this. You should respond to her initial request saying you'd rather keep your relationship professional.


I already have dozens of sexual harassment lawsuits mentally documented and ready to go if I'm ever laid off. They will have brought it on themselves. I did nothing other than exist. I bother no one.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Ok. Some of this strikes cords. I've never really thought I was all that but have been told otherwise. I was targeted by child molesters for the reasons you mentioned and had some other experiences similar to what you described.
> 
> I'm positive I'm not as attractive as you but I can tell you how I coped with things.
> 
> ...


Thank you for being someone who is empathetic. I appreciate that man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*ConfusedDenver*

Have you ever been married?


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Ummm..... I'm not as good looking as you but I learned. When I was in my late teens, I was invited to parties with very wealthy gay men and very beautiful people in attendance.
> 
> Models were readily available to dance with and score with as well.
> 
> ...


I was physically abused since I was 4 weeks old. Four weeks. You are correct sir, I am very weak internally because of it. Good call.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> VERY sorry that you are a victim of CSA. Have you been to counseling for this -- I HOPE SO! If not, please work on this as it WILL affect your relationships for the rest of your life. I think IC just in GENERAL could help you work past some of these things (being conflict avoidant, etc.) -- you need to feel GOOD about yourself and NOT just for your looks.
> 
> Let me just ask a question here -- if you found a 7 or 8 who is a WONDERFUL person, wouldn't you be attracted to them as opposed to a 9 or 10 who is a hell-fire b*tch?
> I realize that physical attraction is what it is, but if you are looking for fulfilling LTR's, LOOKS are not everything. Please try to start looking "inside" to see what is really important to you. LOOKS should only be one criteria.





jlg07 said:


> VERY sorry that you are a victim of CSA. Have you been to counseling for this -- I HOPE SO! If not, please work on this as it WILL affect your relationships for the rest of your life. I think IC just in GENERAL could help you work past some of these things (being conflict avoidant, etc.) -- you need to feel GOOD about yourself and NOT just for your looks.
> 
> Let me just ask a question here -- if you found a 7 or 8 who is a WONDERFUL person, wouldn't you be attracted to them as opposed to a 9 or 10 who is a hell-fire b*tch?
> I realize that physical attraction is what it is, but if you are looking for fulfilling LTR's, LOOKS are not everything. Please try to start looking "inside" to see what is really important to you. LOOKS should only be one criteria.


How about a 9/10 who is also a wonderful person? Where do I find someone like that?


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Speaking honestly here Confused....i think women falling all over you is not your biggest issue, i think your shallowness is...the way you speak about going after a less attractive woman speaks volumes about you, You may have been blessed with the looks of a god but clearly you seem one dimensional, and god forbid that you lose your looks i'm not quite honestly sure your sparkling personality would carry you far....i think you need to stop looking in the mirror and exam the person inside, because clearly you demostrate shallowness at how you measure women with numbers and it's really ugly.


Everyone has treated me based on how I look for my entire ****ing life. What do you think that's taught me?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> How about a 9/10 who is also a wonderful person? Where do I find someone like that?


There are a lot of women who are 9/10 who are wonderful people. If you cannot see that I can only wonder why.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

BigbadBootyDaddy said:


> Show me a beautiful person and I’ll show you an Ex that can’t stand them. If you’re a 9 go after 9s. End of story.
> Tell the married woman’s husband that she’s interacting with you.
> You can shut this down so quickly, but let me guess, you enjoy the attention and the gifts.


I can do without the attention but you're right, free candy left on my desk is enjoyable.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> There are a lot of women who are 9/10 who are wonderful people. If you cannot see that I can only wonder why.


Who?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Everyone has treated me based on how I look for my entire ****ing life. What do you think that's taught me?


If everyone has treated you by the way you look for your entire life, then you have been hanging around the wrong people.

There is something about good looks, they do not overshadow a person's character and personality. I've known some extremely good looking men. But, for some of them it was not long before in my eyes they were ugly because of their behavior and how they treated others.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There are a lot of women who are 9/10 who are wonderful people. If you cannot see that I can only wonder why.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Interesting reply.

If it were true that all very good looking women are not wonderful people, then it must follow that all very good looking men are not wonderful people either. This says something about you, doesn't it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*ConfusedDenver*

Have you ever been married?


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

BigbadBootyDaddy said:


> Show me a beautiful person and I’ll show you an Ex that can’t stand them. If you’re a 9 go after 9s. End of story.
> Tell the married woman’s husband that she’s interacting with you.
> You can shut this down so quickly, but let me guess, you enjoy the attention and the gifts.


I don't know who her husband is.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> *ConfusedDenver*
> 
> Have you ever been married?


Yes. In my early 20's a girl approached me in a club and she was pregnant three days later on our first date. I was abandoned by my own father at an early age and didn't want my own son to grow up under those horrific conditions. So, I married the girl I impregnated. We are not together anymore but that child lives with me.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> LoL, c'mon man. I know I am not the only curious one on this thread. I am thinking this guy must be a cross between between Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and David Beckham in their prime. If he did share a pic I would certainly show it to her and ask her opinion of him. For his sake though I hope he really is that good looking, because I might literally die laughing if in actuality he looks like Patton Oswalt instead.


I once posted my photo on a website that let random internet people rate other people based on physical attractiveness. I got a 94% rating. I then created a fake account and posted a picture of some random dude I found after Googling "average looking man". That profile received a 42% score. I did it is a confidence booster because I have extremely low confidence in myself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I was physically abused since I was 4 weeks old. Four weeks. You are correct sir, I am very weak internally because of it. Good call.


I feel you on this issue and I won't make light of it. I still can't get my hair cut from a man much less anything else.

It is really important to find methods to overcome and be stronger internally, especially since people are attracted to you.

I empathize because I have been pretty weirded out on occasion as well.

I remember having two female neighbors casually inviting me to afternoon delight with both of them while one was holding her baby and both were married.

I shrugged it off but that is mind bending behavior and it does have an impact.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Lila said:


> @ConfusedDenver have you ever been married? Was she a 10 as well?


No, she was an 8 or so. In most relationships, the woman is the better looking one. She wasn't and so the dynamic in our relationship was ****ed up.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> This response is very odd. I know women are are 10+. When I was young I was too. None of us are "cursed".
> 
> Sure men hit on us all the time. I had bosses and co-workers who crossed the time. It's not all that hard to handle that sort of come-on.
> 
> ...


You're a woman and I'm a man. Life presents itself to us in very different ways. I understand you as much as I understand you.

How old are you?
40
How many woman have you dated in your life?
100? Who knows. 

How many long-term relationships have you been in?
2
When was the last time you dated a woman? 
3 years ago


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ConfusedDenver said:


> You're a woman and I'm a man. Life presents itself to us in very different ways. I understand you as much as I understand you.
> 
> How old are you?
> 40
> ...


"Me" I meant. Chardonnay is getting to me.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> If everyone has treated you by the way you look for your entire life, then you have been hanging around the wrong people.
> 
> There is something about good looks, they do not overshadow a person's character and personality. I've known some extremely good looking men. But, for some of them it was not long before in my eyes they were ugly because of their behavior and how they treated others.


Being physically assaulted by other men in public doesn't constitute "hanging around" with them. 

I treat everyone I meet with extreme kindness and respect. To do otherwise would feed into their initial reaction towards me which is that I'm an asshole because of what I look like. Which I'm not.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> You're a woman and I'm a man. Life presents itself to us in very different ways. I understand you as much as I understand you.


If I went by your model, I would argue that all very good looking men are all ass hats. I'm very glad that I don't judge all good looking men (or men in general) based on a few ass hats.

It might be that you attract the wrong kind of women... only good looking women who are messed up.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConfusedDenver, from what you've written you REALLY need to go to counseling.

AND IGNORE the women where you work -- that way lies madness (and hurt for a LOT of folks).


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

It was nice talking to everyone tonight. Thank you. 

Final thought and I'm out:

My favorite movie growing up as a kid was "The Elephant Man". It was about a dude who society treated differently and ****ed up based solely on how he looked. It resonated deeply.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > If everyone has treated you by the way you look for your entire life, then you have been hanging around the wrong people.
> ...


What does "being physically assaulted by men in public" have to do with this? Are you saying that all men physically assault you in public because you are so good looking?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm not just attractive, I'm extremely attractive. Top 5% of all men attractive. I've known it my entire life and my life has been a ****ing nightmare for the most part because of it. Targeted by pedophiles as a young kid, attacked by bullies, molested by teachers, harassed by men who think I'm gay when I'm not, hit on by my friends' gf's/wives. It's been a nightmare.


You need to stand your ground and give off that air which says I’m not available, back off. We all can do it, it’s just a matter of whether you want to. Sound to me you lack self confidence including an inability to put down boundaries,


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ConfusedDenver said:


> How about a 9/10 who is also a wonderful person? Where do I find someone like that?


So sorry this explains a lot. I would suggest therapy for you


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> It was nice talking to everyone tonight. Thank you.
> 
> Final thought and I'm out:
> 
> My favorite movie growing up as a kid was "The Elephant Man". It was about a dude who society treated differently and ****ed up based solely on how he looked. It resonated deeply.


I get that and it pisses me off as well.

Life isn't fair or normal though. It is just life.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

aine said:


> You need to stand your ground and give off that air which says I’m not available, back off. We all can do it, it’s just a matter of whether you want to. Sound to me you lack self confidence including an inability to put down boundaries,


But I am available. And you are correct, I have zero self confidence and no ability to sustain boundaries. I impregnated another man's wife in their house when I was drunk, he was asleep, and she rode on top of me in the living room. The guilt will haunt me forever.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> But I am available. And you are correct, I have zero self confidence and no ability to sustain boundaries. I impregnated another man's wife in their house when I was drunk, he was asleep, and she rode on top of me in the living room. The guilt will haunt me forever.


Why not get some professional help?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

aine said:


> You need to stand your ground and give off that air which says I’m not available, back off. We all can do it, it’s just a matter of whether you want to. Sound to me you lack self confidence including an inability to put down boundaries,


for sure give off the vibe that you’re not available or interested while you are at work. 
when you’re out and see someone you are interested in - give them your “I’m interested vibe/body language”.

work with a therapist on boundaries and learn about body language. You need to be capable of sending the right signals with body language.

you also need help from a skilled trauma counselor to help you get past some of your misconceptions about looks and roles men and women play in life.

work heavily on boundaries and how to stop avoiding conflict. You’ll never be happy if you don’t tackle those two issues. You need to learn to stand your ground while sending a clear message with a few words. Also practice the way you say things with voice inflection to be clear about those few words.

you could also start sending out info that states you have an awesome girlfriend so they leave you alone...if needed.

i’ve worked with many men hitting on me through the years. Ya gotta learn to shut them down but politely... it’s easy... practice it.

you need help to get past looks and start to look well beyond looks. A beautiful person can easily become ugly when they are mean. Also an average looking person can become extremely attractive when they are an amazing person all the way around.

look beyond looks.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Maybe you live in the wrong area. Attractive people are everywhere in the area where I live.
What area are you in?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Beach123 said:


> Maybe you live in the wrong area. Attractive people are everywhere in the area where I live.
> What area are you in?


I think what many seem to be missing here is obvious to me. We all have a different standards for what we feel is "attractive". I can't say I have ever gone on a blind date for that very reason. One person's 9 or 10 is another person's 5, 6, or 7. When the OP asks "where" when referring to available women. I think he means that according to his standards 9s and 10s might as well be unicorns. I hate to say this, but I agree with him. I think 9s and 10s are extremely rare. To me what most people consider a 9 or a 10, I consider an 8. I think most of us are just regular average looking folks. 

With that said I think we all have a floor for whom we would date (at least most men do, for me that number is 7, and I'd say most of my long term relationships fall in the 7 to 8 range. Unlike the OP, I think that's a good thing, I am extremely attracted to 7s and 8s. To me an 8 represents about as high as you'll see on any given day, probably the most attractive woman in most bars/places of employment. So basically I do agree with the OP here, 9s and 10s are like one percenters in the looks department. If I truly only wanted a 9 or a 10 and that's all I would settle for, it would be a very lonely existence. IMO I have only dated two 9s, and in both cases I wish I never met them!

Its pointless trying to convince the OP there are women that are attractive enough to fit his standard "everywhere", because ultimately its not our standard, its his. For the record I do feel that his standards are too high.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> If everyone has treated you by the way you look for your entire life, then you have been hanging around the wrong people.
> 
> There is something about good looks, they do not overshadow a person's character and personality. I've known some extremely good looking men. But, for some of them it was not long before in my eyes they were ugly because of their behavior and how they treated others.


I noticed in high school the most popular people were not the most attractive.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What does "being physically assaulted by men in public" have to do with this? Are you saying that all men physically assault you in public because you are so good looking?


No, they just do it with their eyes.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Beach123 said:


> for sure give off the vibe that you’re not available or interested while you are at work.
> when you’re out and see someone you are interested in - give them your “I’m interested vibe/body language”.
> 
> work with a therapist on boundaries and learn about body language. You need to be capable of sending the right signals with body language.
> ...


I stayed on this thread long enough to give out the same advice as Beach123. she beat me to it.

OP, take an assertiveness training course that will help you to identify "tight corners" and how to maneuver out of them.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Go on some dates with some 8s that you have a lot in common with or already know to be great people. Spend some time getting to really know them. The beauty of a person greatly increases when you get to know someone who is truly wonderful.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I grew up with an extremely beautiful cousin. One of her ex boyfriends threatened to kill her and her family if she ever thought of breaking up with him. He was such an ugly loser. We didn't know why they were together, until one day we found out. He got his ass threatened by 15+ cousins and a few uncles. My cousin's dad left her mom when she was 10. My poor cousin got men harassing her. Older men were the worst. She dealt with a lot of ****.

She ended up dating and living with a guy she met in middle school. She is happy because she knew what she wanted in a relationship. Her partner is not a 10 but he makes her happy.

We can tell you are looking for a set of physical standards but what else are you looking for in a relationship?

I mean, no one is that perfect while having a stomach flu sitting on the toilet and needing another roll of toilet paper. Lol.

What else, other than looks, are you looking for? Are you looking for someone smart? Someone funny, someone caring? Someone very sexy? What else?

Are your beauty standards a defense mechanism so no one can see who you really are inside? Are you sure you are so beautiful inside and out?

I think men who are sure of themselves don't have a problem dating beautiful women. Women like strong and assertive men and looks are just a part of the attraction equation.

You are old enough to know how to stop unwanted attention. If not, then you need to look for help. I'm guessing you have good health insurance with your job? You can look for a therapist who can help you overcoming your fears and psychological trauma.

Tell your co-worker to simply stop. This is where you have to show your assertiveness! Don't accept any gifts. Ignore the lady. Document everything, carry a VAR and if it gets crazy go to HR and look for another job.

You need to figure out what you want for yourself and your future. Hiding behind your looks is not going to solve anything. If you know you have issues then try to solve them and move on.

P.S. Rob Lowe is gorgeous to me. His wife not so much. They have been happily together for a long time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I've really never liked or accepted this rating system anyway.

There is so much that goes into the full make up of a person.

I have never appreciated people being categorized or treated in any way like a commodity.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

To interest yourself in women who don't come in the 9 or 10 wrapper, you should join some clubs when you can of course. You'll have the opportunity to interact with someone several times before asking for a date.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ReformedHubby said:


> Its pointless trying to convince the OP there are women that are attractive enough to fit his standard "everywhere", because ultimately its not our standard, its his. For the record I do feel that his standards are too high.


Sure convincing the OP is a not going to happen. But discussing it can reveal a lot about what is going on in his head.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I've really never liked or accepted this rating system anyway.
> 
> There is so much that goes into the full make up of a person.
> 
> I have never appreciated people being categorized or treated in any way like a commodity.


I agree with you on this. That it's not acceptable is a very important point in this discussion.

The bottom line for the OP is that he's found a way to protect himself classifying 99.99999% of women non-date/relationship material.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> But I am available. And you are correct, I have zero self confidence and no ability to sustain boundaries. I impregnated another man's wife in their house when I was drunk, he was asleep, and she rode on top of me in the living room. The guilt will haunt me forever.


From what you have posted you are not actually available to every woman out there. You are only available to about .0001% of all women.

You need to find a way to project that you are unavailable to all married women, women you work with, and the vast majority of women who you are not interested in. There is a way to do it. Some have suggested assertiveness training. Others have suggested counseling. I think you should consider both.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Why not get some professional help?


Great advice, I probably should.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Beach123 said:


> you need help to get past looks and start to look well beyond looks. A beautiful person can easily become ugly when they are mean. Also an average looking person can become extremely attractive when they are an amazing person all the way around.
> 
> look beyond looks.


Great advice, thank you. But what about physically beautiful people who are also amazing/kind/smart at the same time? They exist too, and some people act as if they don't. It's as if average looking+awesome and good looking+mean are the only options. They aren't.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I think what many seem to be missing here is obvious to me. We all have a different standards for what we feel is "attractive". I can't say I have ever gone on a blind date for that very reason. One person's 9 or 10 is another person's 5, 6, or 7. When the OP asks "where" when referring to available women. I think he means that according to his standards 9s and 10s might as well be unicorns. I hate to say this, but I agree with him. I think 9s and 10s are extremely rare. To me what most people consider a 9 or a 10, I consider an 8. I think most of us are just regular average looking folks.
> 
> With that said I think we all have a floor for whom we would date (at least most men do, for me that number is 7, and I'd say most of my long term relationships fall in the 7 to 8 range. Unlike the OP, I think that's a good thing, I am extremely attracted to 7s and 8s. To me an 8 represents about as high as you'll see on any given day, probably the most attractive woman in most bars/places of employment. So basically I do agree with the OP here, 9s and 10s are like one percenters in the looks department. If I truly only wanted a 9 or a 10 and that's all I would settle for, it would be a very lonely existence. IMO I have only dated two 9s, and in both cases I wish I never met them!
> 
> Its pointless trying to convince the OP there are women that are attractive enough to fit his standard "everywhere", because ultimately its not our standard, its his. For the record I do feel that his standards are too high.


Great post. In my 20's when I would go out clubbing, I never had to ask a girl to dance. I never asked for a phone number. All I had to do was walk into a bar or club and women would approach me. None of them wanted to date. No movies, no candlelit dinners, nothing. They just wanted to ****. They wanted my DNA. All I wanted was a girlfriend to take out to a movie but, nope. It was depressing as hell and as an adult, society seemed nothing at all like I was taught it was as a kid. 

Marriage means nothing. The vast majority of women I've been with in my life were in committed relationships. I approached none of them. They approached me. All of them. 

I started this thread because a woman at work, who of course is married, wants to **** me. I hate it.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I stayed on this thread long enough to give out the same advice as Beach123. she beat me to it.
> 
> OP, take an assertiveness training course that will help you to identify "tight corners" and how to maneuver out of them.


I don't know what "tight corners" means but I will look into it. Thank you.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> I grew up with an extremely beautiful cousin. One of her ex boyfriends threatened to kill her and her family if she ever thought of breaking up with him. He was such an ugly loser. We didn't know why they were together, until one day we found out. He got his ass threatened by 15+ cousins and a few uncles. My cousin's dad left her mom when she was 10. My poor cousin got men harassing her. Older men were the worst. She dealt with a lot of ****.
> 
> She ended up dating and living with a guy she met in middle school. She is happy because she knew what she wanted in a relationship. Her partner is not a 10 but he makes her happy.
> 
> ...


It's not just one co-worker, it's most of the entire office. The only one who avoids me is my secretary who is probably fearful for her job. 

I bend over backwards to be kind to people. I don't start arguments, I'm never rude and people tell me they love me for my personality. 

I was in GATE as a kid, so I'm also highly intelligent. I was born "gifted". I'm both extremely intelligent and extremely attractive, which puts me in the 1% of the 1%. What I want is to find the female version of me but she doesn't exist.

Instead I exist in an office full of women who I'm not attracted to and who won't leave me the **** alone.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I've really never liked or accepted this rating system anyway.
> 
> There is so much that goes into the full make up of a person.
> 
> I have never appreciated people being categorized or treated in any way like a commodity.


Same. I've always hated being treated like a commodity. But I've been treated as such my entire life and I know no other way of treating others.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Great advice, thank you. But what about physically beautiful people who are also amazing/kind/smart at the same time? They exist too, and some people act as if they don't. It's as if average looking+awesome and good looking+mean are the only options. They aren't.


These women do exist and I’m married to one but unfortunately for you they aren’t impressed with someone purely by looks.
You have to be able to attract them with your personality and your intelligence and judging by your previous comments these are traits that you are sadly lacking in. 
I’m not trying to insult you here op but empathy is definitely not one of your strong points, maybe work on that and look up humility in the dictionary while your at it.
Good luck.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConfusedDenver said:


> It's not just one co-worker, it's most of the entire office. The only one who avoids me is my secretary who is probably fearful for her job.
> 
> Instead I exist in an office full of women who I'm not attracted to and who won't leave me the **** alone.


So, NICELY, tell them to leave you the **** alone! Just politely say, I'm not interested in a more personal relationship -- let's please keep this professional.

If they get really aggressive, just tell them you don't think your husband/bf would like this, and maybe you should give them a call to discuss it!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Great post. In my 20's when I would go out clubbing, I never had to ask a girl to dance. I never asked for a phone number. All I had to do was walk into a bar or club and women would approach me. None of them wanted to date. No movies, no candlelit dinners, nothing. They just wanted to ****. They wanted my DNA. All I wanted was a girlfriend to take out to a movie but, nope. It was depressing as hell and as an adult, society seemed nothing at all like I was taught it was as a kid.
> 
> *Marriage means nothing. The vast majority of women I've been with in my life were in committed relationships*. I approached none of them. They approached me. All of them.
> 
> I started this thread because a woman at work, who of course is married, wants to **** me. I hate it.


This is the sort of thing that I meant when I talked about the people you chose to be with. You choose married women. You say that they approach you. But you could just turn them down. But you chose to be around women who behave this way. You choose to have sex with them. 

Your choice. Yet you look down on them. But you are not all that different from them. All you had to do with every one of these women is say no.

All you have to do with the woman you work with is let them know that you are no available to them, that you are not interested in them .


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Looks like you are consistent... consistent with avoiding getting close to any woman most of your adult life.
So why do you avoid intimacy with women? What are you avoiding? Was there a certain woman who really hurt you in your past?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You also seem lazy with women.
Why don’t you just TRY making effort with someone? If you actually invested time and energy in a gal you may find that you have some sweat involved in the relationship.
Why not at least try with someone you know that is maybe an 8 on the attractive scale?
And ya know - that 8 May end up becoming more attractive to you if YOU actually become interested enough to care about HER well being...

or is that your point - to never care about women or one woman?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I bend over backwards to be kind to people. I don't start arguments, I'm never rude and people tell me they love me for my personality.





ConfusedDenver said:


> Same. I've always hated being treated like a commodity. But I've been treated as such my entire life and I know no other way of treating others.


Both of those statements cannot be true. If you treat others as a commodity, then you the first quote cannot be true.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I was in GATE as a kid, so I'm also highly intelligent. I was born "gifted". I'm both extremely intelligent and extremely attractive, which puts me in the 1% of the 1%. What I want is to find the female version of me but *she doesn't exist*.


She does... just look harder and try not to be too much up your bum...


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I have been thinking about your situation and I have two suggestions:

Suggestion 1:
You also could aggressively jump into OLD (online dating). Do a detailed profile, really highlighting what you are looking for as a single dad. Don’t post any hot guy shots. Post more with friends or you doing activities...rather than just head/body shots. Then start setting up some dates with the 7-10s. Be vocal With your coworkers about embarking on this journey. Talk about working on your profile and how much you want to meet a single girl.

Let all your coworkers know a big reason you are doing this is because *“I get hit on by married women all the time, and it’s so gross*.” That you want to be married so you will be left alone by other women.

Also let them know you are meeting some really nice women that you are falling for. Tell them how much you want to be married, and in a fully committed relationship with someone. That you are looking for a woman that would be loyal to you, and never flirt with other men, and how you find that quality to be completely off-putting. 

Refer to how you have “worked with women who are married, but flirt like they are single.” How you feel sorry for their husbands that they have married a woman who would do that. How unattractive you find that. No need to act like you are directing any of this at the person you are talking too, just in general. Completely change the vibe you put off. Find it repulsive. The word will get around. You really need to man up and put a stop to it. *SHUT. THEM. DOWN. No one can flirt with me more than once unless I allow it. So this is your fault each time it continues. Take the control back.*

Suggestion 2:
One other suggestion I thought of is, the moment they start to flirt, each time ask them a question about their spouse. “What’s your husbands name.” Next time she flirts...”How long have you and George been married? Next time, “Where did George take you on your honeymoon? You get the drift,...and guess what...so will they!!!


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Denver, as pretty as you are and as much as you claim not to want a woman who isn't as pretty and as smart as you, have you considered you may be gay. ( or perhaps full of ****)


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> I've really never liked or accepted this rating system anyway.
> 
> There is so much that goes into the full make up of a person.
> 
> I have never appreciated people being categorized or treated in any way like a commodity.


it is not a rating system where she scores points for:
hair 1
face 1
weigh 1
fitness 1
height 1
hair 1
legs 0
culo 1
waist 1
bust 1

so she is a 9 because her legs were not pretty

it is a way to say how good looking she is. for generations people 
would argue who was hotter ginger or maryann (dawn wells fan).
preferring maryann does not mean ginger was not hot.

it is the sum of all the parts as a whole including her
personality that make her attractive. combined with ones
values/prefrences.

i would pass on a 10 light skin blond nordic for an 7 - 8 olive skin
brunette with long hair.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

oldtruck said:


> it is not a rating system where she scores points for:
> hair 1
> face 1
> weigh 1
> ...


Culo?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Culo?


Her ass.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> Her ass.


I know that...  I was just wondering about the deviation...


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

oldtruck said:


> it is a way to say how good looking she is. for generations people
> would argue who was hotter ginger or maryann (dawn wells fan).
> preferring maryann does not mean ginger was not hot.


Mary Ann vs Ginger is probably more toxic of a conversation than politics! Everyone knows Ginger is better! Just so this isn't a thread jack. OP, two questions for you. First, Mary Ann or Ginger (although this question may be before your time)? Second, can you give the name of a female celeb you consider a 7 and one you consider a 9. I am not trying to turn this into a game, it is your life, so I respect that. Asking the question because I really do think this would help everyone gain perspective on what you're looking for.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Sometimes a woman won't be a 9 or 10 in the looks department, but will be extremely alluring in other ways. Like, her attitude, or a particular way she carries herself, her walk, her movements, he style, her voice, the words she picks when she talks to you. Sometimes all it takes is just one incredibly irresistible feature like that. I have at times found a particular woman incredibly sexy even if she's maybe below my usual standards for what I think is beautiful.

Perhaps look there. Simply looking at the picture isn't getting you anywhere. Listen, WATCH, investigate what is attractive to you besides the immediate form and face.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Strange, I haven't gotten the impression that he's looking. I fear he is doomed to gaze longingly into that fountain that reflects his image.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

The boys in a pickle Blondi. He want a woman who's better looking and smarter than him who wants a man who is better looking and smarter than her. Talk about a catch 22.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In Absentia said:


> Culo?


_Culo_ is a vulgar word in Spanish literally meaning "butt" or "ass," used in a range of coarse idiomatic expressions.

The term is also a milder colloquial term for "butt" in Italian.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

You have a lot of things going for you, you want something but it looks you don't know how to get it. 

For us, ordinary people, it's easy to deal with social, interpersonal problems. I feel there's a lack of empathy in very smart people. It's like they think highly of themselves and don't seem to understand how to interact with others and they seem emotionally limited.

I wonder if you are correct in your assumptions about all married women wanting to sleep with you. Or is your inflated ego assuming all women wanting to sleep with you?

At your age saying no to other people shouldn't be this hard. I'm not a 10 but I've had some experiences where I had to shut down flirtatious behavior. Once that door was shut, I didn't have to worry about any more fishing behavior from the same people.

I don't think is hard to find people you have things in common. I'm sure you can Google a group of smart people and find someone you are attracted to. Mensa has its own community with members from every corner around the world. 

I'm not a genius but I've been able to solve my problems successfully. I bet you can do it too.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What does "being physically assaulted by men in public" have to do with this? Are you saying that all men physically assault you in public because you are so good looking?


No, not all men. Only a tiny fraction, but enough to have me looking over my shoulder in public my whole life.


NextTimeAround said:


> No, they just do it with their eyes.


Wrong. They do it with their fists. It's been happening my entire life. People think that women are jealous, but in reality men are worse. And the difference is that they're violent. Women for the most part aren't.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> This is the sort of thing that I meant when I talked about the people you chose to be with. You choose married women. You say that they approach you. But you could just turn them down. But you chose to be around women who behave this way. You choose to have sex with them.
> 
> Your choice. Yet you look down on them. But you are not all that different from them. All you had to do with every one of these women is say no.
> 
> All you have to do with the woman you work with is let them know that you are no available to them, that you are not interested in them .


I can't say no to anyone. I was physically abused since birth and whenever I said "no" to my abusers as a kid it resulted in physical pain. Child abuse is the wound that time won't heal and it has a ripple effect thought life.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Edit: "throughout" life


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Mary Ann vs Ginger is probably more toxic of a conversation than politics! Everyone knows Ginger is better! Just so this isn't a thread jack. OP, two questions for you. First, Mary Ann or Ginger (although this question may be before your time)? Second, can you give the name of a female celeb you consider a 7 and one you consider a 9. I am not trying to turn this into a game, it is your life, so I respect that. Asking the question because I really do think this would help everyone gain perspective on what you're looking for.


No doubt.

I always went for the Mary Ann's of the world and ended up married to one but I got pursued by mostly Ginger's and I don't have any complaints about them. Lots of very nice and goodhearted Ginger's out there and I might have ended up with one if I had been more mature. After meeting Mrs. C all bets were off though.

End TJ but the Mary Ann and Ginger discussion is of paramount importance. 😁


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> You have a lot of things going for you, you want something but it looks you don't know how to get it.
> 
> For us, ordinary people, it's easy to deal with social, interpersonal problems. I feel there's a lack of empathy in very smart people. It's like they think highly of themselves and don't seem to understand how to interact with others and they seem emotionally limited.
> 
> ...


I'm not ordinary and it isn't "easy to deal with social, interpersonal problems" for me. I'm envious of normal people. My ego isn't inflated, it's the opposite. It's like a flat tire. I'm nothing. 

Do all married women want to sleep with me? Who knows and I don't care. I don't want to sleep with them. The ones who approach me make me sick and they've destroyed any appreciation of marriage I might have otherwise had.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm not ordinary and it isn't "easy to deal with social, interpersonal problems" for me. I'm envious of normal people. My ego isn't inflated, it's the opposite. It's like a flat tire. I'm nothing.
> 
> Do all married women want to sleep with me? Who knows and I don't care. I don't want to sleep with them. The ones who approach me make me sick and they've destroyed any appreciation of marriage I might have otherwise had.


I definitely know you need counseling or therapy, probably both, to overcome your inner drawbacks and develop strength and give you effective tools for navigating life more comfortably.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Edit: "throughout" life


Next to the top right of a post are three dots. Click on that and you will see "edit". You can edit your own posts.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

What have you done to address your child abuse?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > This is the sort of thing that I meant when I talked about the people you chose to be with. You choose married women. You say that they approach you. But you could just turn them down. But you chose to be around women who behave this way. You choose to have sex with them.
> ...


Does this mean that you cheated on your wife a lot because women are constantly asking you for sex?

Have you had sex with a lot of women who are very low on your rating scale simply because they approached you and asked you for sex?

Have you ever been in therapy to deal with this problem you have?


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Just wear a bag over your head. Cut some eye holes so you don't run into anything.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I don't think it's possible to aim for a woman who is your equal in looks on an absolute scale. The perception of looks is simply too subjective. You might think a woman is an 8, whereas other people might rate her a 10.

I also think you are mistaken that a woman has to feel that she is the more attractive one in a couple. My husband has been male-model good looking his entire adult life. I was considered very attractive, but there's no question that he is the bigger head-turner.

And you know what? It's his mega-brain that I find so incredibly sexy and attractive. He's an astrophysicist and has an undeniable nerdy vibe. So wonderful!

I have learned to maintain my own level of self-confidence and not to worry about his good looks. I love him inside and out. Women have made comments the entire time we've been together. "You go to bed next to THAT every night?" One woman dropped a note with her number on it on his plate when we were out for our anniversary dinner.

My attitude is 'meh.' He either loves me or he doesn't. I can't worry about superficial things like our comparative attractiveness. I keep myself fit and do my best to maintain myself, but do it (mostly) for me. Certainly if there was obvious infidelity or something similar in our marriage, my attitude would change.

What I'm saying, OP, is to perhaps think about looking at other things to make a reasonable match with a woman. Looks are important. That's an undeniable fact of life. But there are lots of beautiful women out there who are interesting and smart and wouldn't worry about whether you are the prettier one.

Also, make it your mission to stay professional at work. No office romances. No questionable friendships. A married woman messaging you should be told that you only message for professional issues. Period. Send out the vibe that you simply don't go there. If women make obvious overtures, act like you don't notice. Float above.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Beach123 said:


> Looks like you are consistent... consistent with avoiding getting close to any woman most of your adult life.
> So why do you avoid intimacy with women? What are you avoiding? Was there a certain woman who really hurt you in your past?


If you've ever seen the movie "The Notebook", then you saw what my life was like in high school. Exactly that. It was true love and then her family moved out of state and we never saw each other again.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> This is the sort of thing that I meant when I talked about the people you chose to be with. You choose married women. You say that they approach you. But you could just turn them down. But you chose to be around women who behave this way. You choose to have sex with them.
> 
> Your choice. Yet you look down on them. But you are not all that different from them. All you had to do with every one of these women is say no.
> 
> All you have to do with the woman you work with is let them know that you are no available to them, that you are not interested in them .


I am different from them. I'm worse than them.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Beach123 said:


> You also seem lazy with women.
> Why don’t you just TRY making effort with someone? If you actually invested time and energy in a gal you may find that you have some sweat involved in the relationship.
> Why not at least try with someone you know that is maybe an 8 on the attractive scale?
> And ya know - that 8 May end up becoming more attractive to you if YOU actually become interested enough to care about HER well being...
> ...


I don't invest energy in women because I've never had to. They have always chased after me my entire life. I don't know how to flirt, I've never had any "game", I have no pick up lines, I don't buy flowers or cards, etc. 

Why would I?


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Spicy said:


> I have been thinking about your situation and I have two suggestions:
> 
> Suggestion 1:
> You also could aggressively jump into OLD (online dating). Do a detailed profile, really highlighting what you are looking for as a single dad. Don’t post any hot guy shots. Post more with friends or you doing activities...rather than just head/body shots. Then start setting up some dates with the 7-10s. Be vocal With your coworkers about embarking on this journey. Talk about working on your profile and how much you want to meet a single girl.
> ...


Online dating sucks. I have profiles on Bumble and OKC. I posted my picture on those sites and barely wrote a sentence or two for my profile, if that. I get "likes" all day but they never pan out. The women just want validation but not a real relationship it seems.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> Denver, as pretty as you are and as much as you claim not to want a woman who isn't as pretty and as smart as you, have you considered you may be gay. ( or perhaps full of ****)


Neither. I'm only attracted to women. What is the correlation between beauty and sexual orientation? You can only be good looking if you're gay? Really? LOL


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I definitely know you need counseling or therapy, probably both, to overcome your inner drawbacks and develop strength and give you effective tools for navigating life more comfortably.


I know I do. Thank you.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Spicy said:


> What have you done to address your child abuse?


Nothing besides disowning my father who allowed it to happen.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I don't invest energy in women because I've never had to. They have always chased after me my entire life. I don't know how to flirt, I've never had any "game", I have no pick up lines, I don't buy flowers or cards, etc.
> 
> Why would I?


You would have to invest energy in a woman if you actually wanted a long term relationship with the woman.

It's pretty clear that you don't. You have more excuses than Carter has liver pills for this.

You have exactly what you want, a long stream of meaningless sexual encounters that mean nothing in the long run; that require no effort on your part.

So what is it that you are complaining about since you are not willing to put the effort into a relationship? You should actually be pretty happy with a lot of casual sex.

Now when it comes to the women in your work how cannot resist your incredible, god-like looks... someone else on here gave you very good advise about how to deal with them. Just let them know that you are not interested in them.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does this mean that you cheated on your wife a lot because women are constantly asking you for sex?
> 
> Have you had sex with a lot of women who are very low on your rating scale simply because they approached you and asked you for sex?
> 
> Have you ever been in therapy to deal with this problem you have?


Does this mean that you cheated on your wife a lot because women are constantly asking you for sex?

I've never had a "love affair" of any kind. 

Have you had sex with a lot of women who are very low on your rating scale simply because they approached you and asked you for sex?

No. Sex for me is impossible with women I'm not attracted to. 

Have you ever been in therapy to deal with this problem you have?

What problem?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Spicy said:


> What have you done to address your child abuse?
> 
> 
> ConfusedDenver said:
> ...


Why have you not done anything about it since it seems to cause you a lot of problems.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You would have to invest energy in a woman if you actually wanted a long term relationship with the woman.
> 
> It's pretty clear that you don't. You have more excuses than Carter has liver pills for this.
> 
> ...


I haven't had sex in 3 years. I don't even really remember what it's like.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Why have you not done anything about it since it seems to cause you a lot of problems.


What am I supposed to do about it?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Does this mean that you cheated on your wife a lot because women are constantly asking you for sex?
> ...


The term "love affair" means a relationship, not something like a one-night-stand. Are you saying that you never cheated on your wife, not even via some encounter that is not a "relationship/love-affair"?

How long were you married?

Surely when you were married, since you are so good looking that all women want your DNA, surely a lot of women still hit on you. All those married women who do not care about their marriage. How did you turn them all down? Or did you still have sex with them because you cannot turn down a woman who comes on to you sexually?



ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Have you had sex with a lot of women who are very low on your rating scale simply because they approached you and asked you for sex?
> ...


You said that when a woman approaches you with a sexual come-on, you are incapable of turning them down because of the abuse you suffered as a child. So how are you able to turn down woman who are not a 10 in your eye?



ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Have you ever been in therapy to deal with this problem you have?
> ...


You have been bringing up all kinds of problems that you have on this thread. You say that you suffer from things due to being sexually molested starting at the age of 4 weeks. You say that you are so good looking that all women, except your secretary, are drooling all over you and hitting on you and you don't know how to handle it. These are significant problems.

So why have you not gotten any help for this? Why have you not gone into therapy, counseling, etc?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I haven't had sex in 3 years. I don't even really remember what it's like.


Ok, are women still hitting on you all the time for sex? Are you turning them down?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> What am I supposed to do about it?


One thing I realized a long time ago is that while our parents and life mess a lot of us up pretty badly, the way we allow this to affect our lives in on us.

I've had some seriously bad things happen to me in my life. I've been raped; in another incident some guy tied to drag me into an empty field and strangle/kill me; I lived in a war zone for some years where I saw people around me slaughtered and where I as a child had to defend myself and help defend my family;.. should I go on because I could. Life can be pretty ugly.

What i realized is that the way I react to these things and how they affect my own behavior and outlook on life is up to me.

The same goes for you. You are here complaining about all sorts of things. You are 40 years old. If you have yet to seek out help to handle these things from our past, surely it's time to do it now. Or you can choose not to. But if you choose not to, why complain about something you choose?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Why have you not done anything about it since it seems to cause you a lot of problems.
> ...


Therapy/counseling might help quite a bit. There is a lot of self help books out there for victims of CSA. The more you explore ways to change the way you allow the CSA to control you, the more likely you are to get beyond it.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I've had some seriously bad things happen to me in my life. I've been raped; in another incident some guy tied to drag me into an empty field and strangle/kill me; I lived in a war zone for some years where I saw people around me slaughtered and where I as a child had to defend myself and help defend my family;.. should I go on because I could. Life can be pretty ugly.


But he's been good looking all his life ...


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Neither. I'm only attracted to women. What is the correlation between beauty and sexual orientation? You can only be good looking if you're gay? Really? LOL


Dawg, you were the one saying you wouldn't touch a woman from "the litter" if she was the last woman on Earth and wouldn't have sex with an "average" woman for $1,000,000. Sound to me like youre not attracted to 99% of the women out there. If you're not attacted to women that most guys would be attracted to, what do you expect me to conclude. Hey, looking especially good or bad doesn't mean youre only attracted to people with the same attributes. I've always stayed in shape and had a waist to shoulder ration of 1:1.62 but I've liked the chicks with a little extra meat on their bones and nice round "culo".
I take back what I said about you becoming a male escort. However you're viewed in the looks department, you simple don't have enough respect, appreciation, desire, delight and adoration for women. In short my man, you're too full of yourself to enjoy the company of a woman. The good news for your "problem of being too beautiful" is that time will fix it for you.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> A group of them begged me to join their workout group.


The comment by the CEO is inappropriate and unprofessional. How did you respond? The above threw me slightly. I know if there was a (selecting a good looking actor as an example) Hugh Jackman type in our office, the last thing most of us would want is for him to see us working out. I guess if there was an office boot-camp type set up, it could be a measure of inclusiveness.

Many many moons ago, I was learning Remedial Massage. In our class at college, there was an attractive guy with a supportive personality that fit the dynamics of the class. When we had to partner up to massage one another in order to learn, with an array of ages and body types, most of us became too shy to partner with him. It sounds silly, given we became professionals in the field, but in the learning environment, that was the response from most. I'm not doubting that your colleagues begged you to join them, but from the world view I have experienced, I found it curious.

As for the married VP who wants you to check in with her via phone - would this be something she is implementing with other staff? I can't help but wonder that given these are not typical times we're living in, that perhaps it's a conscious way to try to keep people engaged, connected, and as another wrote, perhaps to give a work update?

Aside from these musings - I hope you may be open to speak with someone about your trauma and how this is impacting you with present interactions. Best wishes.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

When I was at high school, I was continuously approached by gay men asking me to jump in the car with them... I never had to do anything to attract girls. I've been in situations where 2 women and one gay man were fighting over me. I was incredibly naive. I didn't really do anything with them. Being wanted and desired was just about enough for me. Then I met my wife. I was young. She was beautiful. Never looked at another girl again... After reading more of your story, OP, I have changed my mind. At 40 and with your looks you have no chance of finding a suitable woman. You are doomed. Unfortunately, beauty can be lonely.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Do you have any interest in martial arts? It would build your confidence and the discipline required would assist in other areas of your life. There are several forum members who could guide you and answer any questions you may have. It could also be useful for your son.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Do you have any interest in martial arts? It would build your confidence and the discipline required would assist in other areas of your life. There are several forum members who could guide you and answer any questions you may have. It could also be useful for your son.


Ultimately there isn't much that can be done to help the OP by us, he is going to need to look inside himself and make changes to fix this. The world is the way that it is, and he is the way that he is. The only way he can change his situation is if he is willing to "compromise" by being with someone lesser. As long as he feels that way, he is looking at a life with no female companionship and celibacy. I don't view this as some sort of tragedy though. Because he has the power to change it, its really up to him.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> Ultimately there isn't much that can be done to help the OP by us, he is going to need to look inside himself and make changes to fix this. The world is the way that it is, and he is the way that he is. The only way he can change his situation is if he is willing to "compromise" by being with someone lesser. As long as he feels that way, he is looking at a life with no female companionship and celibacy. I don't view this as some sort of tragedy though. Because he has the power to change it, its really up to him.


Agree... I don't remember if he already does, but he should pay a few visits to a therapist...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Ultimately there isn't much that can be done to help the OP by us, he is going to need to look inside himself and make changes to fix this. The world is the way that it is, and he is the way that he is. The only way he can change his situation is if he is willing to "compromise" by being with someone lesser. As long as he feels that way, he is looking at a life with no female companionship and celibacy. I don't view this as some sort of tragedy though. Because he has the power to change it, its really up to him.


I should have been more explicit. I know that Marduk, farsidejunky, RedSonja and Conanhub have martial arts training as well as Andy1001. As well as others (don't want to miss anyone). They could possibly point out the different types and requirements and drawbacks.

It might comfort OP to know that there will always (and I mean *always)* be someone who is better looking, smarter and richer. He doesn't have to bear the burden of being that rare bird. Unless you're in the Guinness Book of World Records, just go on about your day.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When you get to the level of narcissism that the op projects there isn’t a woman on the planet who can live up to his expectations. 
He could have a woman who looks like Rosie Whitely, genius level iq and she could be the kindest most empathetic woman on earth but he would find fault with her in some way or other. 
The problem is with you op, nobody else and until you not just understand this but actually seek out a therapist or counselor to help you nothing anyone on this or any other forum is going to help you.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> I should have been more explicit. I know that Marduk, farsidejunky, RedSonja and Conanhub have martial arts training as well as Andy1001. As well as others (don't want to miss anyone). They could possibly point out the different types and requirements and drawbacks.
> 
> It might comfort OP to know that there will always (and I mean *always)* be someone who is better looking, smarter and richer. He doesn't have to bear the burden of being that rare bird. Unless you're in the Guinness Book of World Records, just go on about your day.


It really wasn't meant as a direct reply to you, although I quoted you LoL. I guess I just feel like after getting the full picture he is beyond any kind of help any of us can offer. Not saying it to be mean, but the OP looks at the world through a lens that literally no man I know does, for himself, and for others as well. His perspective of himself and this world are so far from the reality that the rest of us experience I guess I feel like its a lost cause. But I guess karate is worth a shot given everything I have read.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> But I guess karate is worth a shot given everything I have read.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I REALLY think THERAPY is required more than martial arts. He seems to have a really deep issue here that isn't something that can be fixed on a forum. CSA is really messing up his head and until he works that out, he's not going to have any decent LTR.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ConfusedDenver said:


> This is what I'm worried about. The CEO is a newlywed and she's into me, I know it. I'm not losing this ****ing job but I feel pressure from all around me. Most of the entire office plus the CEO is into me. All of them. It's horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


In the first casual conversation or contact with her, use the "telling a story about..." strategy to convey your opinion on a situation that's analogous to what she's even slightly alluded to that you don't want to cause friction between you two, but convey your opinion on NOT messi g with a M woman, such as:

"How impressed you are with your cousin and how he's been very secure and happy in being a one man woman in his twenty year marriage, you hope to be so lucky"

Or

" your friend's sister who was married was hitting on your other friend, and you were impressed with how he turned her down" etc.

These are perfect stories, but you get the idea.

Something non threatening to her feelings or and certainly nothing she can take as a personal rebuffing, but some story where she can observe what your opinion on fooling around with others that are in relationships, etc.

Just have it come up naturally a convo, then continue a short work related conversation, paying no further attention to the "topic".

Story telling is a great way to share opinions, feelings, and strategies in non threatening ways.

Causes no friction you've effectively said no, without threatening her confidence and her possible opinion you may hold her offering a relationship against her in the future.

And you've created the groundwork for future if she persists, to be more firm but tactful later.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

There are two problems here. One is the problem he asked us to help him fix. The other is this whole, I'm too good looking for a companion thing. 

Focusing back on the first problem, I will reiterate what I said before. Any time you are hit on by a female coworker from this point forward, just say,

"Not sure what signals you are trying to send me, but I should let you know just in case that I have a strict policy never to date coworkers. It has hurt my career in the past and I am never doing that again. Going forward, if you can please respect my policy, I'd appreciate it. It is not personal, I have to keep my career in good standing so I can provide for myself and my son."

This might get them to back off, or at the very least, only say things in "joke only" tones. I've been in situations where female coworkers have made jokes about this kind of stuff, but jokes fade pretty fast and get old. Very different from actual pursuit and something you can likely live with.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

jlg07 said:


> I REALLY think THERAPY is required more than martial arts. He seems to have a really deep issue here that isn't something that can be fixed on a forum. CSA is really messing up his head and until he works that out, he's not going to have any decent LTR.


He's already agreed he needs therapy. No one is going to be able to browbeat him into getting it. It has to be his decision and focusing on something other than his problems may lead him there or work in tandem.

If I didn't know better, I would think this is one of those peen threads and the guys are all up in arms that the OP claims his is the biggest.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> If I didn't know better, I would think this is one of those peen threads and the guys are all up in arms that the OP claims his is the biggest.


LoL, that definitely isn't my fascination with this thread. I think the fascination really isn't along gender lines. I think we are all curious. At this point if the guy put a picture of himself up I am expecting him to look like the Greek Gods made him. Its a curiosity thing. The thing is he probably is good looking, but after reading him talk about himself, I think we would all be let down if we saw a pic because he has really built himself up on here.

Regarding peen threads, I have actually always found those funny. I am not at all sensitive about those threads, but they do make me laugh. If this were a peen thread I wouldn't think it would make men jealous. Its the equivalent of a guy saying I have the worlds largest and most beautiful peen, but....I never get to use it, because there isn't a vagina suitable enough for my gorgeous peen. Its absurd when you think about it. I really can't find any empathy here, and normally I can.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> When you get to the level of narcissism that the op projects there isn’t a woman on the planet who can live up to his expectations.
> He could have a woman who looks like Rosie Whitely, genius level iq and she could be the kindest most empathetic woman on earth but he would find fault with her in some way or other.
> The problem is with you op, nobody else and until you not just understand this but actually seek out a therapist or counselor to help you nothing anyone on this or any other forum is going to help you.


I'm questioning the narcissism. His other instabilities might be attributing to his unhealthy world view.

Regardless, he needs professional help yesterday.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> He's already agreed he needs therapy. No one is going to be able to browbeat him into getting it. It has to be his decision and focusing on something other than his problems may lead him there or work in tandem.
> 
> If I didn't know better, I would think this is one of those peen threads and the guys are all up in arms that the OP claims his is the biggest.


I missed it! Does he have a gargantuan Wang to boot? 😉


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Thank God?

No? Women deal with this all day. Suck it up. Ignore them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Does this mean that you cheated on your wife a lot because women are constantly asking you for sex?
> ...





ConfusedDenver said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Have you had sex with a lot of women who are very low on your rating scale simply because they approached you and asked you for sex?
> ...


In an earlier post you basically said that you slept with a lot of women simply because they approached you and you have a problem in that you cannot say no because you were program through abuse to never say no to sex.

But, it seems you are contradicting yourself. You claim here that you never had a "love affair" while married. I'm reading that to mean you claim to have never cheated. So clearly you said no to all the woman who came on to you while you were married.

And you apparently said no to all the women who approached you but were not beautiful enough for you to have sex with them.

Clearly you know how to turn someone down when you are not interested in them.
😏


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Spicy said:


> What have you done to address your child abuse?


Repressed thoughts of it for my entire life until just recently. Otherwise, nothing.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The term "love affair" means a relationship, not something like a one-night-stand. Are you saying that you never cheated on your wife, not even via some encounter that is not a "relationship/love-affair"?
> 
> How long were you married?
> 
> ...


Physically abused at 4 weeks, not sexually. The pedophiles came chasing later. 

Married for 15 years. I never had a "love affair" with another woman while I was married. Sex with a number of them when I was drunk and they came onto me. I never even liked any of them.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Clearly you know how to turn someone down when you are not interested in them.
> 😏


I do, but it's harder when I'm drunk.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Ok, are women still hitting on you all the time for sex? Are you turning them down?


Hitting on me? All the time. For sex? Who knows. 

It happens in the office, in the office building, everywhere.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So why have you not gotten any help for this? Why have you not gone into therapy, counseling, etc?


I went to a therapist about two years ago and I told her a few things that have happened in my life. I told her about the time when I was 22 and at my friend's house. He and his live-in girlfriend went to sleep at night and I stayed to watch "Aladdin" on their TV. She came out by herself in a dress and got on top of me. All I wanted to do was watch a cartoon and she ruined my friendship. He never found out but I always felt guilty around him.

I told the therapist about that and she looked angry with me and she said I shouldn't have done that. I was there for help, not to be judged. I haven't been back to a therapist since.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> One thing I realized a long time ago is that while our parents and life mess a lot of us up pretty badly, the way we allow this to affect our lives in on us.
> 
> I've had some seriously bad things happen to me in my life. I've been raped; in another incident some guy tied to drag me into an empty field and strangle/kill me; I lived in a war zone for some years where I saw people around me slaughtered and where I as a child had to defend myself and help defend my family;.. should I go on because I could. Life can be pretty ugly.
> 
> ...


You seem to be a stronger person that I am. I'm envious. 

I'm complaining here because it's cathartic and therapeutic for me. It helps just to type some of this out. It could be the start of a healing path for me.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> If you're not attacted to women that most guys would be attracted to, what do you expect me to conclude.
> 
> However you're viewed in the looks department, you simple don't have enough respect, appreciation, desire, delight and adoration for women.
> 
> In short my man, you're too full of yourself to enjoy the company of a woman. The good news for your "problem of being too beautiful" is that time will fix it for you.


"If you're not attacted to women that most guys would be attracted to, what do you expect me to conclude." 

I don't care. You're wrong.

"However you're viewed in the looks department, you simple don't have enough respect, appreciation, desire, delight and adoration for women." 

You're right.

"In short my man, you're too full of yourself to enjoy the company of a woman. The good news for your "problem of being too beautiful" is that time will fix it for you."

Time will fix you too. Everyone ages. Everyone dies


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> The comment by the CEO is inappropriate and unprofessional. How did you respond? The above threw me slightly. I know if there was a (selecting a good looking actor as an example) Hugh Jackman type in our office, the last thing most of us would want is for him to see us working out. I guess if there was an office boot-camp type set up, it could be a measure of inclusiveness.
> 
> Many many moons ago, I was learning Remedial Massage. In our class at college, there was an attractive guy with a supportive personality that fit the dynamics of the class. When we had to partner up to massage one another in order to learn, with an array of ages and body types, most of us became too shy to partner with him. It sounds silly, given we became professionals in the field, but in the learning environment, that was the response from most. I'm not doubting that your colleagues begged you to join them, but from the world view I have experienced, I found it curious.
> 
> ...


"The comment by the CEO is inappropriate and unprofessional. How did you respond?"

I told her that I felt like the office was like a family to me. 

"As for the married VP who wants you to check in with her via phone - would this be something she is implementing with other staff?"

Don't know. I did find out that she was one of the employees buying me gifts and candy and leaving them in my office. When I first started there she told me she likes to keep looking at my picture on our company website. Inviting me for walks outside. Staring at me. Emailing me. Calling me. 

Maybe she's just being friendly though. I wonder if her husband would think that as well.

"Best wishes."

Thank you.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> When I was at high school, I was continuously approached by gay men asking me to jump in the car with them... I never had to do anything to attract girls. I've been in situations where 2 women and one gay man were fighting over me. I was incredibly naive. I didn't really do anything with them. Being wanted and desired was just about enough for me. Then I met my wife. I was young. She was beautiful. Never looked at another girl again... After reading more of your story, OP, I have changed my mind. At 40 and with your looks you have no chance of finding a suitable woman. You are doomed. Unfortunately, beauty can be lonely.


It's always nice to know that there are some people who can empathize. Agree that I am doomed and it is very lonely.

Life punishes the extremes. In different ways, but it still punishes.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

delete


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Do you have any interest in martial arts? It would build your confidence and the discipline required would assist in other areas of your life. There are several forum members who could guide you and answer any questions you may have. It could also be useful for your son.


I took Kenpo karate at the local YMCA when I was eight years old. I made it to blue belt. The only thing the other mothers would say to me after karate practice is how cute they thought I was.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> If I didn't know better, I would think this is one of those peen threads and the guys are all up in arms that the OP claims his is the biggest.


I don't know what this means. Sorry.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I really can't find any empathy here, and normally I can.


It's like I pointed out early on in this thread: nobody will ever, ever feel sorry for you.


ConanHub said:


> I missed it! Does he have a gargantuan Wang to boot? 😉


No, average.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, CD, I saw that you went to ONE therapist a while ago. You NEED to go to therapy -- find a different therapist, one that specializes in CSA. You seem to say you know you need it, but you don't do it -- WHY?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> It's like I pointed out early on in this thread: nobody will ever, ever feel sorry for you.
> 
> No, average.


Just having a little fun amidst the chaos. I have empathy for your situation.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I'm questioning the narcissism. His other instabilities might be attributing to his unhealthy world view.
> 
> Regardless, he needs professional help yesterday.


I posit his narcissism is actually the problem. He is so full of himself that he misreads situations to interpret them as women worshipping him and men attacking him when in actuality the women are being nice and the men are whipping his ass because of his arrogant attitude, and I could completely understand why. What he can't misinterpret he creates in his mind and he will forever be the victim.
That's just my clinical opinion.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I posit his narcissism is actually the problem. He is so full of himself that he misreads situations to interpret them as women worshipping him and men attacking him when in actuality the women are being nice and the men are whipping his ass because of his arrogant attitude, and I could completely understand why. What he can't misinterpret he creates in his mind and he will forever be the victim.
> That's just my clinical opinion.


I've had some similar experiences but they were pretty much over by the time I got to my thirties.

I have had men come at me in the same manner though I laid waste to them.

Mostly high school stuff though to be honest.

There are elements I can identify with but others I can't really comprehend because I took a far different path and wasn't weak to others will.

I think he needs a diagnosis before ascribing that condition.

He is absolutely messed up and in need of professional help but I am hesitant to say he is a narcissist and that is what or all that is troubling him.

There are too many other factors.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> When I first started there she told me she likes to keep looking at my picture on our company website. Staring at me.


Rah..! No, these two things particularly had me going, 'Say whah?!'

A response to such a comment could well be what you posted 'I wonder what your husband would think of that?' or a simple, 'You need to cut that out..'


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> You seem to be a stronger person that I am. I'm envious.
> 
> I'm complaining here because it's cathartic and therapeutic for me. It helps just to type some of this out. It could be the start of a healing path for me.


Perhaps... but the turning point occurs when you start acting differently in the world, becoming more congruent between your thoughts and actions. It strikes me that in the scenario you described to the therapist, there's a lack of accountability. Time to start switching things up. Try another therapist.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Until you formulate some boundaries and stop seeing yourself as a victim of your good looks, dig out that old wedding ring and start wearing it. It will dissuade many enchanted ladies.

And, for the record, blaming the women you screwed for messing up your friendships and such is cowardly. You might have more kids floating around than you know about.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> It's always nice to know that there are some people who can empathize. Agree that I am doomed and it is very lonely.
> 
> Life punishes the extremes. In different ways, but it still punishes.


You know, this kind of attention you talk about is a lot like what women put up with when they are young.

For example when i was in my 20's I had problems with more than one of my bosses. They did not say that they were just looking at my photo... nope, they would come into my office and tell me about the wet dreams they had about me. They would put their hands on me, grab my crotch, etc. When i was in the Army I had similar problems with some of the men, both officers and enlisted. And in those days it did nothing to complain to HR because there were no real rules against it. They would just laugh and say that boys will be boys.

On crowded city buses it was rather common for a guy to feel me up. There were guys who would follow me as I walked through town saying things, trying to get me to have sex with them, etc.

This was, and still is, pretty common for a lot of good looking women.

On another note, by brothers who are all 3 extremely good looking, were often hit on by gay men. Some of the men were very aggressive and scared them. My dad put my brothers in Karate to build their self confidence in handling these sorts of situations. It worked. They all got their black belts and have kept it up to this day. At least they know that they could get out of any bad situation.

The abuse you suffered is just horrible. You need to get some serious counseling to learn to not let it affect your life so much.

But the type of attention you have received by many is not all that unusual for anyone, male or female, who is good looking. You just seem to think that it's unique to you. It's not.

You have complete control over how you respond to all of this. You turn down women who you don't find attractive enough, so clearly you have control. A lot of people on this thread have given you great ways to stop things like what the VP is saying to you and doing that are making you feel uncomfortable. These days, you even have the law on your side because you can sue the company if this woman does not stop her inappropriate behavior.

You have so much more control over all this then you seem to realize. Maybe you could take the suggestions that people have given you here and do some role playing by yourself until these responses because automatic for you. I know it's sounds corny but I've done it for some situations and it works. I've stood in front of a mirror and imagined the situation and then said out loud the appropriate response until it becomes automatic. It works. It will make you feel more in control because you have a plan.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if it's already been said. Tell her you're gay.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> *I think he needs a diagnosis before ascribing that condition.*
> 
> He is absolutely messed up and in need of professional help but I am hesitant to say he is a narcissist and that is what or all that is troubling him.
> 
> There are too many other factors.


 I absolutely agree he needs professional help. Just stating my opinion like everybody else. I used the term clinical to differentiate it from my personal opinion which if voiced would get me a timeout or worse.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Thound said:


> I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if it's already been said. Tell her you're gay.


Brilliant.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I absolutely agree he needs professional help. Just stating my opinion like everybody else. I used the term clinical to differentiate it from my personal opinion which if voiced would get me a timeout or worse.


Timeout?!!??

No way Jose!

There are definitely some signs of that disorder but I'm just wondering if several other contributing things are making him appear that way.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> Rah..! No, these two things particularly had me going, 'Say whah?!'
> 
> A response to such a comment could well be what you posted 'I wonder what your husband would think of that?' or a simple, 'You need to cut that out..'


It was my first week there and I didn't know she was married, and she was a VP and she walked into my office just to tell me that. I told her something like "thanks for the kind words".


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Until you formulate some boundaries and stop seeing yourself as a victim of your good looks, dig out that old wedding ring and start wearing it. It will dissuade many enchanted ladies.
> 
> And, for the record, blaming the women you screwed for messing up your friendships and such is cowardly. You might have more kids floating around than you know about.


I am a coward, I agree. Good call.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You know, this kind of attention you talk about is a lot like what women put up with when they are young.
> 
> For example when i was in my 20's I had problems with more than one of my bosses. They did not say that they were just looking at my photo... nope, they would come into my office and tell me about the wet dreams they had about me. They would put their hands on me, grab my crotch, etc. When i was in the Army I had similar problems with some of the men, both officers and enlisted. And in those days it did nothing to complain to HR because there were no real rules against it. They would just laugh and say that boys will be boys.
> 
> On crowded city buses it was rather common for a guy to feel me up. There were guys who would follow me as I walked through town saying things, trying to get me to have sex with them, etc.


I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. It's horrible.

On my first day at the office a 73-year-old woman walked in my office and started rubbing her breasts on me. It was disgusting but I just sat there and let it happen. Didn't say a word.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. It's horrible.
> 
> On my first day at the office a 73-year-old woman walked in my office and started rubbing her breasts on me. It was disgusting but I just sat there and let it happen. Didn't say a word.


What is her job at that company?


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What is her job at that company?


Leadership.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Leadership.


That's a vague response.

"Leadership" could mean owner, VP, office manager..... 

I suppose you mean that she's your supervisor?

So why are you still at this company if it's so horrible?


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> That's a vague response.
> 
> "Leadership" could mean owner, VP, office manager.....
> 
> ...


It pays well and the commute is amazing for So Cal. 20 minutes each way, which is unheard of. That means a lot.

Plus weed and alcohol are legal here. Both help me deal with working there.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. It's horrible.
> 
> On my first day at the office *a 73-year-old woman walked in my office and started rubbing her breasts on me*. It was disgusting but I just sat there and let it happen. Didn't say a word.


I've been trying to figure out what type of place would have such unprofessional employees. I think I have figured it out - a titty bar.

You really need to up your skill set and get a decent job at a decent company.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> I've been trying to figure out what type of place would have such unprofessional employees. I think I have figured it out - a titty bar.
> 
> You really need to up your skill set and get a decent job at a decent company.


I have also wondered how any of this goes down at a professional organization.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> I have also wondered how any of this goes down at a professional organization.


I also wonder what industry he is in. I have only employed two men that are as ridiculously handsome as the OP. The women in the office definitely took notice. They would talk about them like school girls sometimes. Also, the occasional inappropriate comment (women have more leeway here). But nothing like what the OP describes. One did get flowers sent to him by a former female employee the day after she resigned. She was basically letting him know she was interested now that she had left the company. 

With all that said, I did have one incident that fits with what the OP says. A female employee accused one of the handsome 2 of harassment. It was taken very seriously, when HR talked to him about it he pulled up texts from her asking him to lunch at least twice a week for a month. He always made excuses why he couldn't go. Basically she tried to get him fired for rejecting her. The story has a happy ending though, one of my handsome 2 found a wife got married and has a had a baby while working for me, and yes they are both ridiculously pretty people, and so is the baby.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I have also wondered how any of this goes down at a professional organization.


Because I haven't reported it. I've said nothing. For the first few weeks that same 73-year-old would bring her female friends from outside work to the entrance of my office to gawk at me and comment. They didn't even work there and they were in our office. I felt like an animal in a cage at the zoo.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I also wonder what industry he is in. I have only employed two men that are as ridiculously handsome as the OP. The women in the office definitely took notice. They would talk about them like school girls sometimes. Also, the occasional inappropriate comment (women have more leeway here). But nothing like what the OP describes. One did get flowers sent to him by a former female employee the day after she resigned. She was basically letting him know she was interested now that she had left the company.
> 
> With all that said, I did have one incident that fits with what the OP says. A female employee accused one of the handsome 2 of harassment. It was taken very seriously, when HR talked to him about it he pulled up texts from her asking him to lunch at least twice a week for a month. He always made excuses why he couldn't go. Basically she tried to get him fired for rejecting her. The story has a happy ending though, one of my handsome 2 found a wife got married and has a had a baby while working for me, and yes they are both ridiculously pretty people, and so is the baby.


A few hours ago a coworker video-called me when I was in my home office (we're all working from home now). She was in bed and she told me that my camera was not on. She asked me to turn it on. I did and she panned her laptop's camera down to show me her giant tits. She was wearing clothes and I'm sure it was just an "accident". It was gross. I ended the call shortly thereafter.

She's the same one who asks me to parade around in front of the workout group when we're working out together.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> women have more leeway here


Apparently so.


----------



## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> I've been trying to figure out what type of place would have such unprofessional employees. I think I have figured it out - a titty bar.
> 
> You really need to up your skill set and get a decent job at a decent company.


It's an old, successful organization in an affluent place in So Cal. There's nowhere to go but down if I leave.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You’re in a prime location for attractive women. Open your mind...but get help from a skilled trauma counselor first for a full year - optimally once every week. You’re likely on lockdown now so see if a therapist can do appointments on the phone for a while until you can go in person.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ConfusedDenver said:


> A few hours ago a coworker video-called me when I was in my home office (we're all working from home now). She was in bed and she told me that my camera was not on. She asked me to turn it on. I did and she panned her laptop's camera down to show me her giant tits. She was wearing clothes and I'm sure it was just an "accident". It was gross. I ended the call shortly thereafter.
> 
> She's the same one who asks me to parade around in front of the workout group when we're working out together.


I smell a rat...


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. It's horrible.
> 
> On my first day at the office a 73-year-old woman walked in my office and started rubbing her breasts on me. It was disgusting but I just sat there and let it happen. Didn't say a word.


Start responding by saying something.
You certainly could have said “stop embarrassing yourself” and “stay in your own lane - I’m here to do my work”.

That sends a clear message.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> I smell a rat...


I actually do think he is real. But I'll admit, its really odd the way he talks about women. Not everyone is my type, but I can't say I find anyone over a 5 gross or repulsive, it just means I'm not physically attracted to them. 

I am not saying he is gay, but I wouldn't say he is attracted to women in general. He seems really grossed out by them. I think its fair to say that if you don't like 99 percent of apples, you don't really like apples. Yes, I am aware that the statement is overly simplifying this situation, but I still think its applicable.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Meh, this thread jumped the shark for me a couple of revelations ago.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

ConfusedDenver said:


> A few hours ago a coworker video-called me when I was in my home office (we're all working from home now). She was in bed and she told me that my camera was not on. She asked me to turn it on. I did and she panned her laptop's camera down to show me her giant tits. She was wearing clothes and I'm sure it was just an "accident". It was gross. I ended the call shortly thereafter.
> 
> She's the same one who asks me to parade around in front of the workout group when we're working out together.


She didn't need your camera to show you her giant tits.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I actually do think he is real.


I don't know... the whole thing is pretty weird...


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

ConfusedDenver said:


> It's an old, successful organization in an affluent place in So Cal. There's nowhere to go but down if I leave.


 File lawsuits against the company for each individual that 'harassed' you. You won't have to work ever again if it's as blatant as you say.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Rubix Cubed said:


> File lawsuits against the company for each individual that 'harassed' you. You won't have to work ever again if it's as blatant as you say.



Go to HR is something said on CWI a lot, I can't say I ever agreed with it. HR in a privately owned company regardless of the size of that company exists to do the bidding of the owner. They are basically the "good cop". But definitely on the company owner's team. I am not saying people should never report things, but if you're reporting something against a VP or a C-level exec that brings in a lot of business, its probably you that will be on your way out. 

Just like a sports team. A bench warmer that acts up will get cut quickly, but companies won't cut star players, even those they don't like, because they will lose productivity, if you have a serious gripe with your company, probably best you lawyer up before you go to HR. Saying this as a business owner, I guess I get tired of watching people getting screwed over thinking HR is on their team. They're not. I'd say that only works if the person you have a complaint against is more expendable than you are, and it sounds like the OP works for a bunch of alpha females (yes they exist). So its him that would probably be tossed aside.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I actually do think he is real. But I'll admit, its really odd the way he talks about women. Not everyone is my type, but I can't say I find anyone over a 5 gross or repulsive, it just means I'm not physically attracted to them.
> 
> I am not saying he is gay, but I wouldn't say he is attracted to women in general. He seems really grossed out by them. I think its fair to say that if you don't like 99 percent of apples, you don't really like apples. Yes, I am aware that the statement is overly simplifying this situation, but I still think its applicable.


All I got to say is...... I LIKE APPLES!!!! 😄


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> Go to HR is something said on CWI a lot, I can't say I ever agreed with it. HR in a privately owned company regardless of the size of that company exists to do the bidding of the owner. They are basically the "good cop". But definitely on the company owner's team. I am not saying people should never report things, but if you're reporting something against a VP or a C-level exec that brings in a lot of business, its probably you that will be on your way out.
> 
> Just like a sports team. A bench warmer that acts up will get cut quickly, but companies won't cut star players, even those they don't like, because they will lose productivity, if you have a serious gripe with your company, probably best you lawyer up before you go to HR. Saying this as a business owner, I guess I get tired of watching people getting screwed over thinking HR is on their team. They're not. I'd say that only works if the person you have a complaint against is more expendable than you are, and it sounds like the OP works for a bunch of alpha females (yes they exist). So its him that would probably be tossed aside.


Re-read my post as you quoted it, I never mentioned HR. Lawsuit. Sue the company.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I actually do think he is real. But I'll admit, its really odd the way he talks about women. Not everyone is my type, but I can't say I find anyone over a 5 gross or repulsive, it just means I'm not physically attracted to them.
> 
> I am not saying he is gay, but I wouldn't say he is attracted to women in general. He seems really grossed out by them. I think its fair to say that if you don't like 99 percent of apples, you don't really like apples. Yes, I am aware that the statement is overly simplifying this situation, but I still think its applicable.


Most women (and anything in life) are average be definition. People are attracted to those who are in their tier of attractiveness or above. Not below. I'm just not attracted to average women. And I'm straight as an arrow. Gay dudes love hitting on me and then they get disappointed when they find out I don't play on their team. 

As for being real, you know your life is messed up when you tell others about real life events you've experienced and some think you're making it up. Ha. I have nothing to gain from being untruthful. It was cathartic telling other human beings about what my life has been like.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> I don't know... the whole thing is pretty weird...


What's weird about it?


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I know that...  I was just wondering about the deviation...


so crass to say ass, more fun to use a foreign language


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ConfusedDenver said:


> People are attracted to those who are in their tier of attractiveness or above. Not below.


You're actually incorrect here. You have some severe issues messing with you and this is your perception of yourself and how you view yourself and those you are attracted to.

I'm maybe a 6 or 7 on a really good day though I think a rating system doesn't do me justice.

I've enjoyed the "company" of women across the spectrum that could be both rated higher and lower than me and I have to say I enjoyed most of them just fine and vice versa.

I have had both very attractive and far more average women give me solid offers.

I have considered different women for different reasons and I could have married a couple of models at certain points.

I married a cute woman but not model material and we have been very satisfied and successful.

Your view is only yours. You do need to realize that.

Part of your health will probably be in loosening your death grip on your self image and how you view potential mates.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

I did not write this, but found this post at random on some other website. So true.

"There’s also that problem of sexual harassment. Women may think it’s cute, touching a man’s abs or chest or slapping his ass, but without his express permission, it’s sexual harassment. And yes, men get catcalls, rude comments, and unsolicited pics as well. The real problem is, while most men are socialized to like or appreciate this kind of treatment (and to be clear, mothers are largely responsible for this socialization, especially single mothers), some men don’t fit into that stereotype…and they have absolutely nobody to complain to or seek redress from, unlike females. Who will a man complain to? The police? They’ll laugh it off, not take a report, and maybe even insult him. Complain to the women? They’ll either ignore him or try to emasculate him, because somehow men are feminine for rejecting unwanted sexual advances. His family and friends? Same problem. A counselor may understand, but the stereotype is that if you see a “shrink” (colloquial or slang for psychologist), something’s wrong with you, and that tends to keep a lot of people away from counselors."


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ConfusedDenver said:


> What's weird about it?


You seem to be lacking the most basic common sense to deal with this stuff and then you come to TAM to vent, depicting yourself as the most beautiful man on Earth... I guess it can happen.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ConfusedDenver said:


> It's an old, successful organization in an affluent place in So Cal. There's nowhere to go but down if I leave.


Leave Southern California and get a job in your new location. A fresh start might help. Alaska? Utah? New York State? Colorado? Australia? The UK? Germany?

The world is your oyster.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Apparently so.


No, women do not have more leeway. The problem is that you don't do anything to stop it. As long as you just go with the flow, you are encouraging their behavior.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ReformedHubby said:


> Go to HR is something said on CWI a lot, I can't say I ever agreed with it. HR in a privately owned company regardless of the size of that company exists to do the bidding of the owner. They are basically the "good cop". But definitely on the company owner's team. I am not saying people should never report things, but if you're reporting something against a VP or a C-level exec that brings in a lot of business, its probably you that will be on your way out.
> 
> Just like a sports team. A bench warmer that acts up will get cut quickly, but companies won't cut star players, even those they don't like, because they will lose productivity, if you have a serious gripe with your company, probably best you lawyer up before you go to HR. Saying this as a business owner, I guess I get tired of watching people getting screwed over thinking HR is on their team. They're not. I'd say that only works if the person you have a complaint against is more expendable than you are, and it sounds like the OP works for a bunch of alpha females (yes they exist). So its him that would probably be tossed aside.


In his case, going to an attorney with evidence and suing them would make more sense.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

x


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

HR is really just CYA. As long as they can do bare minimum CYA they will do nothing to star people. "Putting a complaint in the file"


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

It’s a simple as “I’m about to record this webchat” or “I have a VAR in my office” 

That will fix the problem.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

ConfusedDenver said:


> The real problem is, while most men are socialized to like or appreciate this kind of treatment (and to be clear, mothers are largely responsible for this socialization, especially single mothers), some men don’t fit into that stereotype…and they have absolutely nobody to complain to or seek redress from, unlike females. Who will a man complain to? The police? They’ll laugh it off, not take a report, and maybe even insult him.


Dawg, a real man will never be intimidated by some chick making a pass. Do you think Clint Eastwood would go running to HR or an attorney because some woman co-worker ask him to go for a drink. Give me a break. Sides that, a real man values women for more than their looks . You ain't the only cat on this site that's been pinched on the azz. You need to quit acting like a puzzy over your mickey mouse concerns and get your man card back (if you ever had one). You ain't got to look very far to find a dozen guys with problems far, far greater than your, "I'm to be pittied becauseI got all these girls chasing me but none of them are pretty as I am", bullshyt. And don't give me no more bull about the sexual harassment you suffer. If your female boss met your beauty standards, you nail her in a New York minute. You know it and I know it. So much for your "integrity".


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

VladDracul said:


> If your female boss met your beauty standards, you nail her in a New York minute. You know it and I know it. So much for your "integrity".


LoL, you don't want to know what I think about this. Generally speaking. If the harasser is attractive, regardless of gender, they pretty much get a VERY long leash when it comes to what they say and can get away with at work. On the flipside of that if you look like the hump back of Notre Dame, you'd better not even look in a woman's direction at work. You'll get reported to HR because you make people "uncomfortable". 

Really wish this wasn't true, but it is. Its rare that a drop dead gorgeous person gets accused of harassment. People either take them up on their offer, or they are flattered and let it go as long as it doesn't get over the top. It somehow seems to override that part of our brains that feels creeped out and feels that its inappropriate. I really wish someone would study this.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> In his case, going to an attorney with evidence and suing them would make more sense.


I took your advice and called a local law firm today. I only spoke with the intake guy and real attorneys are supposed to call me on Monday. I've had enough.

He asked for an example and I told him about the time when the managing partner of our in-house law firm met me for the first time. He's obviously gay.

His exact words: "I was watching you walk around the office and I thought to myself: 'Who _is_ that guy?". Creepy as hell, especially since I'm straight as an arrow.

I'm gonna bring that office to its knees with this lawsuit. They get what they ****ing deserve.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

I forgot to mention something. About a month ago, my boss walked into my office and talked about the gay lawyer dude. They're good friends. She said she heard that he visited me recently. Then she added: "He _likes _you_." _

Yeah, you don't say.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> HR is really just CYA. As long as they can do bare minimum CYA they will do nothing to star people. "Putting a complaint in the file"


That's fine. I'm putting a Complaint in the courthouse.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> Dawg, a real man will never be intimidated by some chick making a pass. Do you think Clint Eastwood would go running to HR or an attorney because some woman co-worker ask him to go for a drink. Give me a break. Sides that, a real man values women for more than their looks . You ain't the only cat on this site that's been pinched on the azz. You need to quit acting like a puzzy over your mickey mouse concerns and get your man card back (if you ever had one). You ain't got to look very far to find a dozen guys with problems far, far greater than your, "I'm to be pittied becauseI got all these girls chasing me but none of them are pretty as I am", bullshyt. And don't give me no more bull about the sexual harassment you suffer. If your female boss met your beauty standards, you nail her in a New York minute. You know it and I know it. So much for your "integrity".


You're wrong.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

I just remembered that during my interview one of the interview questions from a manager was: "Are you single?"

LMAO


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I took your advice and called a local law firm today. I only spoke with the intake guy and real attorneys are supposed to call me on Monday. I've had enough.
> 
> He asked for an example and I told him about the time when the managing partner of our in-house law firm met me for the first time. He's obviously gay.
> 
> ...


Do you know how to keep a recording of any on-line interactions with anyone who contacts you through some online app? You need to get recordings and copies of everything.


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## ConfusedDenver (Sep 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Do you know how to keep a recording of any on-line interactions with anyone who contacts you through some online app? You need to get recordings and copies of everything.


Most of it is in-person. A few emails here and there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConfusedDenver said:


> Most of it is in-person. A few emails here and there.


Sadly California is a two party (which actually means all parties) consent state when it comes to recording conversations. Otherwise I would suggest that you keep a VAR (voice activated recorder) on you when you are in the office. 





California Recording Law | Digital Media Law Project







www.dmlp.org





Would you have any need for a voice recorder at work? For example I used to record meeting with the consent of everyone who was involved. That way we had a record of what we agreed would be written into legal and technical documents. 

If the people you work with are as badly behaved as you say, they would probably be just at stupid if you had a recorder going for 'official' reasons that they were aware of.

Also.... you are working at home right now. So you can are probably having a lot of communication on the phone and via the internet. That makes is very easy for you get evidence.

Also, talk to the lawyer about it. Some states make an exception about to the two/all party rule if something illegal or 'bad' is recorded.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

ConfusedDenver said:


> His exact words: "I was watching you walk around the office and I thought to myself: 'Who _is_ that guy?". Creepy as hell, especially since I'm straight as an arrow.
> I'm gonna bring that office to its knees with this lawsuit. They get what they ****ing deserve.


If some attorney tells you that you have a standing to sue that firm based on the above, I'd be shocked. Hell Dawg, I've been wondering who is that guy myself. But trust me, my wondering goes to what kind of a man gets bent like your claim over ambiguous comments like, "He _likes _you_." . _ Like most, I've had folks tell me certain people like me, or maybe, don't like me, all my life. We ain't wanting to sue all of them.
But I have thought about your dilemma and think I found a solution that will keep you from being pestered by all these < 10+ chicks and gay men. Go get you a job on an offshore oil rig and select one where there are 150 men and no women and very likely no gays that are out of the closet. However, I don't think you'd like being in an environment where there were no women and gay guys fawning all over you; unless you could get in front of a mirror. 
I've got a better idea. On monday, instead of going to see an attorney, go see a psychiatrist.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Why'd you do it Fonzie? By By....


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

lol. Go see a psychiatrist.

Even men poo poo male sexual harassment. 
i’ve seen similar responses when a man claims abuse.

Now you know why many people do not take men complaining seriously.

Good luck to you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

VladDracul said:


> If some attorney tells you that you have a standing to sue that firm based on the above, I'd be shocked. Hell Dawg, I've been wondering who is that guy myself. But trust me, my wondering goes to what kind of a man gets bent like your claim over ambiguous comments like, "He _likes _you_." . _ Like most, I've had folks tell me certain people like me, or maybe, don't like me, all my life. We ain't wanting to sue all of them.
> But I have thought about your dilemma and think I found a solution that will keep you from being pestered by all these < 10+ chicks and gay men. Go get you a job on an offshore oil rig and select one where there are 150 men and no women and very likely no gays that are out of the closet. However, I don't think you'd like being in an environment where there were no women and gay guys fawning all over you; unless you could get in front of a mirror.
> I've got a better idea. On monday, instead of going to see an attorney, go see a psychiatrist.


I'm definitely in the professional mental help corner as well for this one.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

VladDracul said:


> But I have thought about your dilemma and think I found a solution that will keep you from being pestered by all these < 10+ chicks and gay men. *Go get you a job on an offshore oil rig and select one where there are 150 men and no women and very likely no gays that are out of the closet. * However, I don't think you'd like being in an environment where there were no women and gay guys fawning all over you; unless you could get in front of a mirror.
> I've got a better idea. On monday, instead of going to see an attorney, go see a psychiatrist.


Honestly I don't think this will work. The OP is so handsome that any straight man that lays eyes on him would instantly become bi-curious. I can only conclude this based on his description of himself. I just really want him to post a pic. I know members here rarely do that (I have in the past at times). But thats a really personal decision, so I understand that its not something most people feel comfortable with. But....it would at least let us see what all the fuss is about, his appearance is what the thread is based on.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Even men poo poo male sexual harassment.


When I was a adjunct teaching law classes, I had co-eds tell me they wanted me to get out from behind the lectern and write on the board so they could see my butt, ask if I thought their husband would like it if they got a Brazilian, offer their personal phone numbers, flash beaver and smile, ask my opinion on their sex lives, et cetera. As a male instructor with a black belt in taekwondo, boxed local "Silver Gloves" as an early teen, and a regular at the gym, I'd both look and feel silly if I couldn't handle it and even sillier if I went running to the administration for protection from these creatures.
So yes, men can and are sexually harassed. If they are being threatened with job loss, or some other form of retaliation, filing an action is proper. If your getting all offended and afraid, and feel the need to report it, if some chick below your minimum standards tell you to call her, its basically horse shyt and you maybe just seeking drama and attention.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

VladDracul said:


> So yes, men can and are sexually harassed. If they are being threatened with job loss, or some other form of retaliation, filing an action is proper. If your getting all offended and afraid, and feel the need to report it, if some chick below your minimum standards tell you to call her, its basically horse shyt and you maybe just seeking drama and attention.


I am with you on this. Him lawyering up is a waste of his money in my opinion. I don't know the size of the company he works for, but I have had employees threaten to sue me for racial discrimination, age discrimination, sexual orientation discrimination, and lastly gender discrimination. In each instance all I had to do to make it go away was offer another month or two of severance, in return they signed agreements agreeing not to go forward with court.

In any case none of the cases had any validity. People basically know that its more cost effective for a company to pony up one or two months of additional pay than to go to court. My funniest complaint was a woman alleging that she was discriminated agains because of her age, her color (black), and her sexual orientation. I cut the check. But I had a good laugh. Because her supervisor on that project was also black, over 55 years of age, and....also a lesbian. Sometimes you just can't win. Some people will always find a way to be a victim.


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## Ladyortiz602 (Apr 18, 2020)

ConfusedDenver said:


> I'm anonymous here so I'm going to be honest af. I'm physically a 9.5 out of 10 in terms of male beauty. Random people I don't know tell me that I "look like an actor". Dark hair, blue eyes, "actor's" face, fit. Women in the office (the office is 100% female besides me) buy me random gifts like candy, etc. One of them took an art class to learn how to paint, then painted a painting for my office. Ha.
> 
> Most of them stare at me constantly, and it's been getting worse. It's honestly creepy at this point. They invent bs reasons to talk to me. Many of them lost weight and started exercising when I joined the company one year ago. The CEO, who is also female, works in a different HQ office. The week I started, she came to MY office and said she saw my picture online and had to see what I looked like in person. A group of them begged me to join their workout group. I get harassed in my car and on the street by random women.
> 
> ...


She’s probably just lonely and not getting any attention or sex from her husband give her something to feel happy about after all she is married and probably not looking for anything serious other then sex I’m sure she’s not trying to leave her husband for you she just wants sex it would be easier to just have sex with her keep ur job just let her know it’s a one time thing also might get u a higher position 😂


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ladyortiz602 said:


> She’s probably just lonely and not getting any attention or sex from her husband give her something to feel happy about after all she is married and probably not looking for anything serious other then sex I’m sure she’s not trying to leave her husband for you she just wants sex it would be easier to just have sex with her keep ur job just let her know it’s a one time thing also might get u a higher position 😂


Um, are you kidding? I sure hope you are. We do not encourage infidelity here on TAM.

If he got a higher job position, it would not be a onetime thing.. he'd owe her. Well, unless he's selfish and self centered in bed. That could get him demoted. 😂


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Ladyortiz602 said:


> she’s not trying to leave her husband for you she just wants sex it would be easier to just have sex with her keep ur job just let her know it’s a one time thing also might get u a higher position 😂


She may even be willing to throw a little ca$h boot in on the deal. In that case, he may be able to negotiate a regular service plan. It ain't bad duty.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

As they say, all cats are grey in the dark. There's always the option of the bag over the head.


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