# dont know what to do???



## emz (Nov 19, 2010)

my husband and I have been married for just over a year now. we have a 4 year old and a 6month. when our 6month was born he started his own business. ever since then, he is never around. he is very business minded and he is always thinking of the business first before my feelings. everything has just gone downhill. we dont talk, everything is routine, we fight about everything, no sex and we dont go out anymore. even worse he is never around for the kids. just the other day i asked him for a family day off and his response was "what will we do?" cant he just want to be with his family and does not necessarily mean go out? he works 7 days a week. we argue all the time and my daugter sees it. she loves her father and it hurts to even think of seperation.

i feel so depressed, im always at home whilst he is out and the worst thing is that the business is not making any money so its is hitting us financially also. ive lost all motivation for myself and i dont feel good about myself anymore. i hate being at home and i cant just go back to work coz of our baby. i think we rushed into marriage and his priorities are not the same anymore. he says he is doing all of this for us but he can't even make time for us. he is just selfish in my eyes.

he has changed so much and when he is with us he is always somewhere else. his mind is always about the business. 

he doesnt understand or support me coz he is too busy with what he has to do. im confused and dont know if we should just part. i love him this is hard. HELP!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Am I reading this right that this business is your only income? And it's not making any money? That's why he's always focused on it. He's providing for his family, struggling with that, and so it's always on his mind as he tries to figure out how to better provide for you guys. 

I understand how frustrating it is for you to not have any time with him, and you feel neglected, but instead I would try to look at it not as being ignored but as he's doing all this for you. 

Once you change your mindset like that, then try approaching him again. Being able to show that you appreciate what he's doing might make him more open to hearing you out on family time because he won't feel like you're simply pointing out yet another way he's failed. I'm not saying you're doing that, but it's probably how he feels. 

See what happens after that. Good luck!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

New businesses rarely start off making money. It takes time. I've been there, so I can understand where his focus is. He took a huge leap of faith to start a business in this economy--and I'm sure one of his motives was to make a better life for his family. Be supportive of his decision. Find things to occupy your time. Perhaps you could even help him in the business. My estranged husband and I even took our children to work with us in the early days. We had the office set up for them; we had plenty of family time then.


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

The book Fascinating Womanhood talks about this..the number one priority of the husband is his job. Because it is very important to a man to be able to provide for his family. This book might be helpful to you, to help you understand him better and things you can do to make your life more focused and happier. Having little ones is not easy, but so worth it in the long run. :hugs


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

Your husband is out 7 days a week trying to support you and the children! That is not selfish! He is doing his best to take care of the family. I suggest you change tactics and try supporting him more because you are just pushing him away by being too negative. 

I don't see what is wrong with his question "what will we do?". He is obviously stressed for money so is asking what you can do that won't be too expensive. I suggest you come up with some economical ideas for family time. Maybe go to the park or stay home playing games. 

I agree with the other posters. Every time you are feeling lonely, depressed, or upset try to do something to show your husband you appreciate him and are supporting him. I know it's hard but your husband is doing his best and you need to support him. Create an enviornment that is supporting and loving and I am sure you will see a change in your husband.


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