# seperation / adultery??



## lost101 (Feb 25, 2009)

So I've been married for going on 6 yrs, been together for 11 yrs, we have two young children and we've now come to terms to put the house on the market and seperate for awhile.
Since neither one of us can afford the mortgage and other living acomidations, we are both living under the same roof with the children, but different sleeping areas.
Do you classify us as seperated or still married? I know we're married and have to be seperated for a full yr here before you can file for divorce. Our plan is once the house is sold, to get our own places and go from there. In the meantime, would it be wrong for me to start dating agin? or would this be classified as adultery? I would have no sexual intercourse until we were divorced (at least I want that) but is kissing another adultery? Am I able to do this without being called a cheater or commiting adultery? I'm so lost and confused!!!...


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

I live in Toronto, Canada. What the divorce lawyer told me when I went to get info was this. The minute you stop living together as husband and wife, which means intercourse, mutual finance sharing, sleeping in the same bedroom, etc.. you are separated. It doesn't matter about living in the same house still. You can get a legal separation if you want. You need to go to a lawyer and draft up an agreement. Then signed and witnessed by both parties. Not cheap from what I hear. As far as dating, I don't think it would constitute as adultery. You and your spouse have come to an agreement you want to be separated. It might be a little soon for you to date, but do what's best for you. Hope this helps.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

I have always understood it to mean the date of separation begins when you stop cohabitating together. If you still live together then you aren't separated yet. Some states don't believe in a legal "separation". Some states also believe it is adultery any way you slice it before you are divorced. 

If you guys aren't being vindictive and are ok with each other seeing other people than the state really doesn't have to know. Now if he is being malicious about stuff then I would steer clear of seeing anyone else. I have heard of people when they go to file for divorce they say their separation occured earlier than it really did just so they could be divorced sooner.


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## lost101 (Feb 25, 2009)

java said:


> I have always understood it to mean the date of separation begins when you stop cohabitating together. If you still live together then you aren't separated yet. Some states don't believe in a legal "separation". Some states also believe it is adultery any way you slice it before you are divorced.
> 
> If you guys aren't being vindictive and are ok with each other seeing other people than the state really doesn't have to know. Now if he is being malicious about stuff then I would steer clear of seeing anyone else. I have heard of people when they go to file for divorce they say their separation occured earlier than it really did just so they could be divorced sooner.


I live in Canada so I'm sure it's different then the US. Guess I should have stated that in the beginning. Thanks for the insight!


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## Kyle (Feb 26, 2009)

Canada....depends what province. - Quebec or some maritime provinces might have some funny archaic rules.

But realistically the 'co-habitat' just doesn't make sense. Where I live it is not cheap to live by yourself so it would be unrealistic to be forced to move out just to say your separated. 
I would say you are basically roommates. 

Dating would be fine but do not bring your dates home. Go to their place. If you do bring them home then your just asking for trouble. If I was a judge I wouldn't think highly of you if did this.


But like 1nurse said, go see a lawyer first


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

As far as legal separation you need to check local laws. You do need to get legally separated though, and separate your finances. But I think your question was more of the moral one. In my book its not adultery if you have separated (despite living under same roof for financial reasons, some divorced couples have done this) then its ok to date. But think about this, are you really ready to just yet? You need some time to just not be in any relationship and sort that out before you date. Always it would be very confusing for the children with Dad still living there. If I were in your shoes, I'd way a few months until I felt comfortable that divorce was the answer. I wouldn't wait a year before dating I just don't think I'm made to be alone like that but I'd wait until the divorce final before I got in to a relationship with someone.


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

In Ontario, a couple can be considered seperated even while under the same roof provided they are leading seperate lives - meaning he tends to his own needs ( cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc) while you tend to yours...at least this is what I have gathered from what I have read. 
Depending on where you live, there may be a Family Law clinic available to offer you free advice on the law side of things.


Family Law : Practice and Procedure ... - Google Book Search


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

Have you considered Collaborative law to help you work out seperation terms? If you can still be civil with each other, it may help you sort all the legal details out less expensively than the regular court route.


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