# Crap Mum lately



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I really feel like a crap Mum lately. I've been so focused on doing tasks, endless tasks, it feels like my only interaction with them is telling them what to do or getting irritated at them for not doing it. Doesn't help that I'm letting my DS push all my buttons lately. He's 5 and constantly whinging from the moment I collect him from school until bed time. It's been driving me nuts. I'm also on a new diet and exercise regime which I'm still adapting to as well. Hoping to become more energetic in the long run, just have to get passed the completely stuffed from all the exercise part first.

I was sitting on the couch, trying to chill with a new book and a cuppa and a heat pack for my sore back last night after cooking dinner, dealing with DS whinging at me all afternoon that he needed more food (AFTER his afternoon snack that was quite enough or he tells me he's too FULL to eat any dinner), after sending him to his room because he refused to eat all his dinner anyway, after washing up the dishes. Kids were up in their room chatting to each other. DH comes home and ignores me as he's angry at me for being angry at him for something that happened at work, goes up to the room and they're all laughing and talking and I realise I'm just the crabby Mum who isn't enjoying spending time with them anymore. The Mum who is so stuffed from working all day, organising every one else, dealing with these discipline problems and I'm no longer the loving Mum, the fun Mum, the Mum I would want to have; I'm the 'can't wait to sit the f*ck down' Mum.

There really feels like a huge chasm between me and my children. It feels terrible!

I think I need to do something new with them, not sure what yet. Will have to look into it today.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

not every day nor week will you be able to be supermom

cut yourself some slack and now that you are aware of it you can refocus and be better at what you want to be


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Aw - I'm sorry! What a bad day you had.  But at least you are aware! We all need an attitude adjustment sometimes. I've told my own kid sorry, I'm just grumpy.

At 5 they are really enjoying being able to express themselves! It can be tough! Consistency is key and also getting them to hush about the same thing over and over. 

You just have to patiently say "we eat at meal times!" and redirect. It will be a few years before redirecting doesn't work!  Ask him to show you something any time he whines. Show me that drawing/toy/that you can do a cartwheel - whatever. Do it enough and he'll stop whining and asking because he'll know your answer.

Same thing with anything else he whines about. If it's a whiney tone, demonstrate the tone with the same sentence like "I want to go to the park". And tell him he's a big boy and from now on if he asks anything in that tone you will not answer. Next time he whines, remind him to ask like a big boy. After a few days when he whines, ignore it - he should remember now. He'll catch himself and ask normally. It won't stop the chatter or all of the requests but at least it won't be whiney!

Explain - they are great chatters at this age so try to find it enjoyable. These are the ways we develop that relationship as they get older. You want them to chat when they are teens and have troubles! So when he whines, then corrects and asks nicely "Can we go to the park?" explain why not (because he'll whine Whyyyyy? LOL ) that you have to buy groceries and if you don't there won't be anything good for dinner - and if you can give him a small reward like let him choose something at the store for dinner like his favorite veggie or fruit, etc.

By chatting with him all day/as much as you can, you'll make yourself accessible so he talks to you when the problems are bigger than wanting a snack.  

And it's OK to be human.  Tell your son you're grumpy! Ask for his sympathy! It's a great skill to have and cultivate in your kids. Tell him you are grumpy because it seems all you have done is work/errands, etc. and your back hurts and you really just want a 'cuppa' and a few minutes to do nothing. Ask him if he ever feels that way. Tell him you want to relax for a bit. He may just come cover you with a blanket!

Maybe then you'll have more to give to everyone.

BTW, I have read kids shouldn't be forced to clean a plate - they need to listen to their body to determine if they are full or not. Let him leave what is on his plate without punishment and then cover it and put it in the fridge. Tell him if he is hungry later, he has to finish his dinner - cold. (No need to cause YOU extra work by heating it up.) Cut back on his snack. If he complains tell him his snack is obviously too much since he cannot even finish his dinner. 

And go hug hubby.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Does your H ever take the kids so you can have an afternoon alone? Sounds like that's what you need more than anything.


----------



## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

breeze said:


> I really feel like a crap Mum lately. I've been so focused on doing tasks, endless tasks, it feels like my only interaction with them is telling them what to do or getting irritated at them for not doing it. Doesn't help that I'm letting my DS push all my buttons lately. He's 5 and constantly whinging from the moment I collect him from school until bed time. It's been driving me nuts. I'm also on a new diet and exercise regime which I'm still adapting to as well. Hoping to become more energetic in the long run, just have to get passed the completely stuffed from all the exercise part first.
> 
> I was sitting on the couch, trying to chill with a new book and a cuppa and a heat pack for my sore back last night after cooking dinner, dealing with DS whinging at me all afternoon that he needed more food (AFTER his afternoon snack that was quite enough or he tells me he's too FULL to eat any dinner), after sending him to his room because he refused to eat all his dinner anyway, after washing up the dishes. Kids were up in their room chatting to each other. DH comes home and ignores me as he's angry at me for being angry at him for something that happened at work, goes up to the room and they're all laughing and talking and I realise I'm just the crabby Mum who isn't enjoying spending time with them anymore. The Mum who is so stuffed from working all day, organising every one else, dealing with these discipline problems and I'm no longer the loving Mum, the fun Mum, the Mum I would want to have; I'm the 'can't wait to sit the f*ck down' Mum.
> 
> ...


First, i must say that your post was enjoyable to read. I wish Americans could use phrases like "crap mum," "daft," and "rubbish" without scorn...

But... you are not a "crap mum." As I see it, you are a tired mum who needs some time to recharge her own batteries. And I don't mean sleep, although that could simply be it. I mean reserves. That well of emotional energy that you tap into so you can find the strength to stay on your toes, make good decisions, etc. I think you are tapped out at the moment and need a refill.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> And go hug hubby.


:iagree:

How about telling him you don't like it when you two fight, and you would like to know he thinks it could be avoided in the future?

I think if things were better there, you would not feel as stressed with your son. And I am sorry your husband is not being very mature.


----------

