# What is a women trying to say when she like mach/alpah males?



## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

My wife is infatuated with another guy, one of the things she likes about him is that he is an Alpha Male.

Just wondering what this really means? Is it purely physical? Does it say that I'm making too many concessions to her and losing respect?

I'm not that insecure that its affects my self confidence, I'm happy with who I am. However, if it is more of respect/confidence thing how do I review myself to see if I'm as confident and respected as I feel?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Remember all those things she complained about and that you changed about yourself? She wants them back.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> My wife is infatuated with another guy, one of the things she likes about him is that he is an Alpha Male.
> 
> Just wondering what this really means? Is it purely physical? Does it say that I'm making too many concessions to her and losing respect?
> 
> I'm not that insecure that its affects my self confidence, I'm happy with who I am. However, if it is more of respect/confidence thing how do I review myself to see if I'm as confident and respected as I feel?


“Alpha male” is a term used to describe the leader of the pack in the animal kingdom. Personally I don’t think there is any correlation at all in the human world. Think about it. Sure, in the animal world the alpha male dominates all other males and has exclusive rights to the females in the pack. But his ending is a very sad ending. Another younger, stronger more powerful male comes along to take over the pack and he does this by fighting and kicking the alpha male out. The alpha male then wanders through the wilderness without a friend in the world. His offspring are killed so his genes no longer carry on. His teeth fall out, he can't catch prey to eat so he ends up slowly starving to death.

People who adopt the term alpha male in the human world just take, what are for them, the “nice bits” of being an alpha. But what is their destiny? A sad old man sitting alone at home without a friend in the world?

I cringe when women talk of “alpha males”. They see strength there and just maybe these women want to be dominated and domineered. My view is that these women, if they take that route with the supposed “alpha male” they will pretty soon discover that they are just one of the “pack”. That the alpha male has multiple affairs going on his life. The females in the animal world pack accept that as a condition of their existence. Reckon your wife has a lot to find out about so called alpha males.

That’s why I said to you in another post find out all you can about OM. Forget the alpha/beta male crap and look at the man.

Tell your wife that you too can dominate and domineer her. Tell her that if she gets out of line you can smack her. Tell her that you too are more than capable of having multiple affairs and stealing other men’s wives away from their husbands. Tell her that you too can absolutley bring carnage into anothers man home. Tell her that you too can do stuff that leaves young children being brought up by separated parents and cause those echildren great psychological damage in the most formative years of their life. And tell her that you too can have an affair with a married woman and then unceromoneously dump her when she's no longer doing what you want.

And then tell if that’s what she really wants no way does she get that stuff from you.

Why? Because you are a Good Man.

Bob


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Sounds like a test to me.

In theory, as I understand it, the best way to beat the test is the remain strong and confident.

You could tell her that you don't care who this other guy is - she needs to decide if she's with YOU or NOT. And if she's WITH you, then you don't want her seeing this other man - and you'll leave her if she continues to see him.

Become mysterious to her. Start doing more things independent of her. Don't tell her what you are doing all the time. Let the phone go to voice mail once in a while when she calls - even if you aren't busy.

If you chase her and try hard to show her you can be more like this other guy, then she knows she's "got you" - and that's a dangerous spot to be in.

Read the "Modern Man" and "How about them apples" threads in this section. Think you'll find them very enlightening.

Six months ago, I would have NEVER written anything like this. I HATE head games. But I've read enough stories on this board that I now believe the idea that women will test their man. Although its usually a lot more subtle than "I really like that OTHER guy."

Good luck.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

An Alpah male will be surrounded by women. If she is smart, she shouldn't want a man like this, she is going to endure a lot of competition from other women. 

Here we are back to that women like men who are more powerful and influential. They like to walk with a man who is the head of the gang. They get a lot of attention for being his woman. 

When I was young, I wanted a man like this, now I am older, I avoid a man like this. This kind of men tend to cheat, not just because of the opportunities, but also the men themselves tend to like to conquer as many as they want.

Just be a nice gentleman with balls!!!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> You could tell her that you don't care who this other guy is - she needs to decide if she's with YOU or NOT. And if she's WITH you, then you don't want her seeing this other man - and you'll leave her if she continues to see him.


Hey NG I don’t agree. Yes Indy should be assertive about his boundaries and the good that is in him. He must assert that. Both for his own good and so that it is crystal clear to his wife.

But he’s also got to take the lead and be assertive in his leadership. He must take the initiative and stop “responding”. And in that leadership he must be consultative. A very big part of his consultancy is his “discussing the problems and issues” for all concerned in his family. He is the leader of his family. He must lead and by doing so take the initiative away from both his wife and OM.

Indy must the one that discusses his wife’s various options with her. And in that discussion he must point out to his wife exactly what the “end game” is if his wife should choose either to continue the affair while living with all that he gives her or if she goes off with the other man.

Before he has that discussion he must find out all he can about the other man. He should say things like “Tell me about OM” with the sole purpose of getting some details that lead him to other details. This is no time to “play fair”. His wife lost that option. Know thi enemy.

When he does find out about the other guy, that is the time he can make his predictions about the end game concerning the children, his wife and himself and present them to his wife in their “discussions”.

It is a triple pronged initiative. The bad about OM. The good about Indy. And the likely end games depending upon which way his wife chooses to go.

He needs to wake her up to the short, medium and long term consequences of her actions and choices.

Bob


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Deejo said:


> More information please.
> 
> What is or isn't going on in your marriage that your wife shared this tidbit with you?
> 
> Is her infatuation purely in the land of fantasy, or does she interact with this guy?


She's still having sex with OM if I read it right and she's still in the family home. While she's doing that she wouldn't be in my home under any circumstances. But it's easy for me to say without dependent children to be considered.


Bob


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

AFEH said:


> She's still having sex with OM if I read it right and she's still in the family home. While she's doing that she wouldn't be in my home under any circumstances. But it's easy for me to say without dependent children to be considered.
> 
> 
> Bob


This is exactly why I asked, Bob. He doesn't spell out what is going on. Not sure if she is providing him with fair warning, hoping he will step up, or spitting in his face.

*Edit* Ah, I was only referencing this post. Haven't seen his others. Question redacted. 

Indy, here is a cliff's notes response to your question taken from one of the threads, NiceGuy referenced:



MEM11363 said:


> If you are a man and you want to have a passionate relationship with your wife:
> 1. ALL dominance starts in-house. That means you learn to control YOUR emotions - especially the two biggest enemies fear and uncontrolled anger.
> 2. True control of emotions enables great self control of your behavior. Not just the words that issue from your mouth, but your body language.
> 3. The baseline against which you measure behavior is the golden rule. Do NOT allow people to treat you worse than you would treat them.
> ...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You are describing circumstances similar to my own.

Took me a long time to get with the program. In the interim, she was content looking to me for financial support, while f*cking someone else.

I would strongly urge you to send the message that isn't going to fly. She wants you to be more alpha?

Well, you were on the right track. Sever your joint accounts. Cancel joint credit cards. If you pay for the phone plan, remove her line, she can set up and pay for her own. Write her off. That's alpha.

Allow me to translate the response, "I'm not sure what I want."
This is what she is saying:
'I know I'm totally screwed financially if I let you go, so I'm counting on you staying in love with me and taking care of me, while I decide if the guy I'm f*cking is invested enough so that I can go be with him instead.'

That's what "I'm not sure what I want" or "I don't know ..." means.

Still want to foot the bill? Go for it. Doing exactly what she is hoping you will do, WILL NOT bring her back.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Stuff about other man Indy. They say the quality of our life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions we ask ourselves.

Here is one question I would ask myself. Why hasn’t she moved out of my home into other man’s home?

Is it because he doesn’t have a home?
Is it because he is married or in a long term relationship?
Is it because he is not interested her in the medium or long term?
Is it because he’s really poor and doesn’t have any money?

I’d want to know the answers to those questions. You may not get the truth from your wife but it’s a place to start looking.

I don’t reckon the fact she hasn’t has anything to do with you or the children. It is very much more to do with OM’s situation and what he wants. No matter what she tells you.

Bob


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

OK, I'll try and sum this up, wife suffers from depression and has done for a few years, she gets axiety attacks and when she met the OM it helped mask those feelings of anxiety.

Nothing ever happened for a few months but then she got very drunk and slept with him on 2 occasions.

She says she is infatuated with the guy and I was trying to find out a bit more about him which is where the whole Alpha Male/Macho guy question came from.

She says she just wants to be happy, shes confused and wants to sort her head out, doesnt want to leave one relationship for another but she has lost that "in love" feeling with me. 

Right now I'm starting to take control back but the problems about setting limits is...
1) she is the mother of my 7 yr old, I dont want to mess with that.
2) she refuses to move out and doesnt have anywhere to go
3) I have no where to go and cant pay for a house and rent somewhere else
4) she doenst work so cant support herself
5) deep down we both really care for each other

The bottom line is I have no "its this way or else", I have nothing to back up my bounderies.

Advice welcome


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Listen open your sock drawer dig around until you find your balls and put them back in place. Then tell her either quit all contact or show her the door.

I know it sound drastic but she will just keep taking advantage of you unless you act like a man.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

p.s. 

hey I know to you it seems like I don't want to lose everything I worked for and my kid will be messed up but the sun will still come up tomarrow and things will be better in the long run for everybody espically your kid.


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## Xander (Oct 20, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Remember all those things she complained about and that you changed about yourself? She wants them back.


Dead-on.

It's important for you to remain strong and unfazed, like a lot of the commenters on here suggest. I'm just not sure they all know what that means.

Chances are that this guy's bigger than you. So get your ass to the gym. 

Chances are that this guy is more decisive than you. So start deciding what you want out of life and invite your wife to join the ride.

Chances are this dude doesn't let people nag him. So don't let your wife nag you.

"Strength" is not the same thing as acquiescence.


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## Xander (Oct 20, 2010)

@Indy:

Reading your posts is a little hard for me to bear. You keep suggesting advice, but you keep telling people you're caught between a rock and a hard place with no options.

Yes you do have options. You just have to stop being so weak.

It's no wonder she has a crush on this alpha male. 

Crushes are addictive, just like alcohol. The only way to stop a crush is to cut off all access. 

You need to raise utter holy hell.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you exposed the affair yet?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Here we are back to that women like men who are more powerful and influential. They like to walk with a man who is the head of the gang. They get a lot of attention for being his woman.


BALLAASAHHHHH!H!H!H!HH! :scratchhead:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You have options, it's just that right now you see them as bad options.

Let me address one of them: your children. You don't want to wreck things for them.

However, your wife is totally willing to wreck things for them. 

She is using them as a hostage, IMHO. She is banking on you not wanting to upset the familial apple cart even as she goes screwing around.

This head game is toxic.

You mention that she has no place to go?

You tell her under no certain conditions will you tolerate her being in the home while she is screwing around with someone else. 

No place to go?

Drop her off at her mom's, a friend's house, a local church, a homeless shelter, the nearest street corner--anywhere. Her problem.

But you keep your children home with you.

Get your ducks in a row regarding finances, personal records, etc.

You do not have to empathize with her plight. She is conducting a bombing run on your marriage and your family. That she doesn't like the fallout is pretty much her problem.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I so agree. Nearly all WWs I've seen that have come back have come back only because the man is strong, indignant, and resolute - quit cheating or GET OUT.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> OK, I'll try and sum this up, wife suffers from depression and has done for a few years, she gets axiety attacks and when she met the OM it helped mask those feelings of anxiety.
> 
> Nothing ever happened for a few months but then she got very drunk and slept with him on 2 occasions.
> 
> ...


Indy,

My experience indicates there are no real "can'ts" in life.

Most "can'ts" are actually "won'ts".

Listen to the difference:

I can't stand this.

I won't stand for this.

But, you have to mean it.

Have you been to therapy?


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Erm, just to clear something up - she hasn't been in contact with the guy since I made the original post!

The post came about because I was asking her what it was about this guy that she liked so much.

And the last poster is spot on I "won't" kick her out or cut her off because despite all that has happened I dont want to break my family up.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Read these threads, they will help understand what your woman is telling you:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/17436-nice-guys-other-types.html#post194686

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ats-attractive-my-wifes-input.html#post181910

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/16221-how-about-them-apples.html

I wish you well.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Remember all those things she complained about and that you changed about yourself? She wants them back.




So true


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I consider my husband an alpha. For starters he's a big guy 6'4 and strongly built and stays fit. He has a quiet air of authority. He hardly ever raises his voice, he is a strong speaker (he speaks and presents regularly multi million dollar military contracts). Most people think he's an officer but he's enlisted. He's a problem solver and a fixer and one of the most intelligent people I know.

At the same time he's a person who doesn't consider himself better then anyone else, he relates to people and has compassion. He doesn't throw his weight around. He always tells me he wants to maintain a position of authority with his Marines but also wants them to know HE is the one they can come to and count on when they need someone. He always follows threw, keeps his word and never jumps the gun. He uses his authority and never abuses it.

He's my kinda alpha, a balanced person with flaws he admits and strengths he is humble about. I admire him very very much and am proud to be his wife. 

He's by no means a bad boy and totally clean cut with minimal tattoos but he rides a can am spyder so he has a bit of a modern biker guy thing goin and has a naughty side I love. He's a good guy and bad boy in one sexy bundle


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## savevsdeath (Nov 9, 2010)

Indy, this is going to sound harsh but i think you need to hear it, and i am willing to be harsh if you might understand what im saying and take it to heart, perhaps saving your relationship in the process. So here goes.

You are being a whiney, spineless wimp. *SHE CHEATED ON YOU WITH ANOTHER MAN TWICE AND YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT.* 

I wouldn't care if we had thirty kids together, if my wife pulled this crap she would be flying out the door so fast her shadow wouldn't be able to keep up with her. You can take care of your child if need be; do not believe that a man is incapable of being nurturing or that you need her for that reason. And even if you care about her, you need to realize that she is now using you. 

You cannot let this stand, Indy. If she won't go, take legal action to have her removed. If you let this go on your self-respect will never recover.


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