# I want out of my marriage because I feel nothing for my husband. Advice?



## EmilyM (Jan 14, 2013)

My husband was transferred to Hawaii from NY six months ago, He is a cop and although I didn't want him to agree to it but realizing he had to to keep his job I agreed to move there after he had settled in, This was a massive test to our marriage as we were starting to have conflicts in our marriage, We always have a daughter who turns 6 this year. I moved out a month later but realized two weeks later that I didn't want to live there and an even more terrifying feeling came over me, I didn't want to be married anymore, Im not seeing or have feeling for anyone else I just feel like i need time alone, We have been together 7yrs & I feel like i don't know who I am anymore. I want to raise our daughter in NY were she is use to & with people she knows. After serious thought I decided I was going to move back home and arranged everything to leave but it took me awhile to tell him how I felt I just kept acting cold towards him, I felt numb when he touched me but as weird as it sounds I feel as ease with him when we have sex.

The night before I was due to fly back home I started crying and told him I didn't want to be his wife anymore & showed him a letter that I had filed for divorce, He just looked at me confused and said he feels like I just stabbed him in the heart. The many reasons I don't want to be his wife are too personal and too sad for me to share here most of it has to do with my need for freedom right now. I haven't seen him since but through rare phone calls he tells me he isn't going to make it easy for me to just walk away, That he won't give our marrigae up without a fight and that he wants our daughter back near him so he can see her. I've felt unhappy in our marriage for awhile now but tried hard to hide it and im sure I was just waiting for something to be an excuse to leave. Am I a horrible person for leaving my husband to find my own happiness again? Any advice is welcome.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Too personal and too sad for an anonymous site? 

Your need for freedom wouldn't happen to be with another man, would it? 

Get some IC before you destroy your life and then your H and D lives. 

Look up Walk Away Wife syndrome too.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You're a wife and a mother. You agreed with your husband to move to Hawaii. You may feel like you need your freedom. Most married people do feel that way once in a while. Your daughter actually does need a father. If the house was on fire and you had a choice of seeing to her safety or your own, what would you do? Emotions are like waves. They come, they go, and they come back again. Don't let emotions dictate your major life decisions. If they guy is beating the stew out of you, leaving would be a great idea. If he just doesn't blow your skirt up this week, pretend he does until the feeling returns. We choose how we feel about others. Don't like feeling indifferent towards your husband? Put the schmooze on and treat him lovingly. Each of us can talk ourselves into or out of love.


----------



## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

True happiness comes from within you. A relationship can only augment or detract from it. If you are relying on your spouse(s) to make you happy, you will end up jumping ship every few years.

My advice is to ask him for some space (in the same house) for a bit, and figure out why you feel so unhappy. If you can't be happy on your own, no man can do the trick for long.

There is also a good book on the subject called "The Happiness Trap". You might want to check it out.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's common for a marriage to become 'boring' or 'empty' after 5 to 10 years. The PEA chemicals you felt the first few years have faded away, you've gotten used to each other, you take each other for granted, a kid puts all kinds of wrenches in your time management, you stop 'dating' your husband so you stop looking at him with love, and, if you're used to expecting to be happy, you start feeling cheated and wanting more from life. But guess what? Marriage is work. ANY marriage is work. You have to put into it as much as you expect to get out of it. And if you leave THIS one and expect the NEXT one to be better without first understanding WHY you feel as you do, you're deluding yourself and putting your daughter through hell.

When you have a child, you don't get to put yourself first any more. You have to consider them before you just bail on a marriage. You first need to do some WORK to make sure you're not just bored. Have you read any books about marriage? The first one you should read is His Needs Her Needs. It will explain about the 'balance' in a marriage and how both of you have to keep up your side of the balance. Read it together, and start making changes.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

EmilyM said:


> My I want to raise our daughter in NY were she is use to & with people she knows.


btw, this means you want to raise her where YOU are used to. At least be honest; this isn't about what SHE wants. It's about what YOU want. Kids will move anywhere and be fine.


----------

