# He cheated on me, in our house, while I was there



## 123Hurting (Feb 3, 2013)

I am not sure what to do. My husband of almost 10 years just cheated on me. He went out with a friend, got really drunk, brought home some women they met who had the same music interests to "show them my husband's collection." (My husband and his friend are fanatical about music.) I was asleep, but knew they were home, as I had to work that day and the next day.
Next thing I know, my husband had sex with one of the women in our bathroom.
He has never cheated on me before, we have always been very open and straight forward with each other, not an open relationship. He has always flirted with women of all ages, from babies to grandmothers, but has never gone beyond light flirtation. He has been struggling with alcoholism and depression for years and was falling down drunk when he cheated.
We always agreed that, if they other spouse cheated, it would be the immedate end of our marriage.
To me, this almost seems like he was trying to push me into making a decision he has not wanted to make. After all, he could have gone to her house or anywhere else but the house I was sleeping in. Our marriage has struggled over the years with our changing lives and his struggles with alcohol and depression, but never anything even remotely close to this.
Now I find myself considering whether to try and keep our marriage going if my husband agrees to therapy for his alcoholism and depression and couples-therapy to try and regain the trust that is now gone.
Thoughts?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

"He has never cheated on me before..."

Orly?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Nobody gets so drunk that they forget where they are, who else is in the home, and what it means to have sex outside the marriage. Not at all. In fact, if he was that drunk he'd actually have trouble rising to the occasion IYKWIM.

That bit about "flirting" with babies an grannies, hope it's not the same way he flirted with you. Hope you meant he tries to be charming, because anything above that is just..... 'ya know?

How does he explain himself? What does he intend to do about it? If he "doesn't know" or if he's leaving it up to you, then he really wants out.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Aren't you exhausted from dealing with all his problems?


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## WaitForIt... (Jan 20, 2013)

My husband did the same thing. On my couch, with my best friend. I didn't find out for years although my instincts knew. To this day I wish I would have taken my girls and ran because there have been numerous other instances. All "confessed", years after the fact. 

Run. Do not stay. His actions speak louder than any words. This will happen again. Especially if you stay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Ugh really? I mean really?
You might be able to forgive something like that - I never could. Not even just the cheating, the total disrespect and disregard he shows you


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.

You should not lose sight of the fact that there's a line that has been crossed here. 

If someone is driving drunk and "accidentally" run over someone, they automatically go to jail. They don't go to rehab and get a slap on the wrist.

Granted, the whole bathroom experience was horrible. But both of you allowed things to get to that point by not addressing the alcohol problem. Him by not actively trying to seek help, and you by not taking a stand and allowing yourself to be disrespected this way. 

I suggest to take some time off. Get away from him. It's obvious your relationship has hit rock bottom. This is good because you now have some options:

a) Take a vacation by yourself or with friends/family. Enjoy YOUR life, it sounds like you really need to. And more importantly see that you don't NEED to deal with the problems you have in your marriage. Take the opportunity to reflect on WHY you are in that relationship and once you are relaxed and happy, decide if you want to go back or cut ties.

b) If you are with this man because you LOVE him in spite of all the harm he has done to your marriage, then he needs a wake up call regardless. It is human nature that we don't appreciate things until we lose them. And it is most likely he keeps acting this way because whenever you've threatened to take action he doesn't believe you. So if you want to make your marriage work, he must learn to appreciate you, and he won't be able to do that if you keep selling yourself short. The worse thing you can do is nothing.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Depression can cause horribly self destructive behaviors. When mixed with alcohol, it is that much worse. Has he been treated or been in therapy in the past? If not, then he needs to run not walk for treatment. If you feel safe with him and are willing to be patient while he works out his issues, then I don't believe it is wrong for you to stay and work it out. If he is not putting in the work necessary to change then you need to leave him for your own mental health.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Unless he admits that he fvcked up ROYALLY and that the fact he was drinking does NOT excuse the cheating, boot him out. This has to be rock bottom and he must turn his life around NOW, or you must not stay with him.

Also get STD tested right away.

If he doesn't quit drinking, if he ever takes just one drink, kick him out.


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## alphabravo (Feb 4, 2013)

Classic exit affair.

He's paralyzed by depression and drugs and in his mind you are not helping him enough. Sex in the bathroom is risky enough to get caught. He WANTS to get caught.

That is casual sex by the way. You just don't start that. He's been banging anything that walks.

Why all the above? Because he blames everyone else for his problems, when in fact he IS the problem.

Make it his problem. Stuff on the lawn tomorrow. Boxed up. Hand him a tape roll and say, "..start licking."

By doing this you will force him to grow up and reflect inward on who he is. The best part is he'll come crawling back in 2-3 months.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I agree with alphabravo.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How did you know what he did? Did you catch them? Did she know you were there?

What does he say now?

Is he asking to stay and for your forgiveness?


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## dwaynewilliams (Feb 1, 2010)

There is nothing wrong with trying to fix your marriage. The question is , if this marriage is worth fixing? Are you going to be able to stick by him with the hurt he has caused you? It can be a long and arduous process until he shows signs of improving.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I think you should stick to your agreement. That's what a woman of principle would do.


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