# My story of infirtility, depression, and an affair. Is there hope?



## helpless70 (Feb 28, 2013)

My husband I have been married for 10 years, together for 15. He is a surgical fellow at a major US hospital. I have followed him around the country for medical school, internship, and residency all the while putting him through school with my job (doctors make very little in training). The marriage was wonderful from my perspective. We started to try to have kids about 5 years ago. Found out I was infertile. After several IVF attempts and three miscarriages, I was depressed and gaining weight. 

Weight has always been an issue for us. He has always told me that I need to exercise more (not loose weight). He told me he wanted me to be fit so we could do more things together. Well, after the last miscarriage of our twins at 5mo my weight went up to 190lb (I'm 5"5). He started to text a married nurse at work just after the miscarriage. It was very inappropriate (sexual). I discovered it and he told me he would stop and I thought everything was good. I was depressed, but I knew that we were going to start the adoption process soon so we could start our family. Things were looking up in my mind. 

After we returned from vacation, ready to start the adoption process he told me that he didn't want to stay married to me any more. He reasoning was that I was not happy. I told him I was still processing the miscarriage. He stated that he needs me to be happy and that he doesn't think that we should have married. Basically told me a whole new version of our married life along with the ILYBINILWY line. Warning bells went off. I started to spy. Discovered he started an affair with this nurse a few weeks post miscarriage. 

I should have exposed the affair at that moment, but I didn't. I was afraid to loose him. I put him through school and now with one year left he wants to leave me. I was looking forward to being a stay at home mom while he made the money for once. I am also 38 years old and the likelihood of finding a new husband to have kids with was unlikely at best. So I said noting. I started to exercise, loose weight, and do thins to show him how much I cared. 

Fast forward 5 months. He moved out of our bed. Told me he wasn't attracted to me any more (I lost 35lbs and look better than I did on our wedding day). He said it was over and we needed to divorce. He said he still loved me and thought that that he would never find anybody as good as me but he still needed to leave. I lost it and told him I knew of the affair. He was upset that he hurt me and very remorseful. I asked him to stop communication with her and work on us (he had not even tried to work on marriage up to that point). He told me he would not talk to her or see her any more. Problem is, he works with her and he can't quit now. 

I'm not sure what to do now. I want him to stay with me. Work on us, but I think he is still in "the fog". I asked this on another thread, but should I expose the affair to the OW husband. They are having problems too but have two little kids. 

Sorry this is long, but I feel my life slipping away.

Helpless


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