# How do you say no to a low desire partner when they approach you?



## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

I am wondering how to gain the upper hand in the sex department, so that its not all directed by my husband. As it stands, if I try to say no, he gets angry. Yet in his world its fully ok for him to say no. What can I do? 

This morning he comes to me and gives me his daily goodbye kiss (he wont kiss me hello at the end of his workday even though I have requested for a long time). He forgot something and came back to me again. When I asked what he was doing he said he was giving me an "embrace". I gave him the cold shoulder about it w/o saying no (did not embrace him back and did not open my mouth for the kiss when he tried to). Can I actually say no, Im not in the mood to allow you to give me something when Im not allowed to give to you? Did my non-verbal language convey enough that I dont actually have to say anything? Men... I especially need your advice on using non-verbal language vs words as body movements seem to convey quite a bit more to a man than words do.

How can this be handled better? Or, should I go on being the dutiful wife and give to him bc I want to, and just hope he starts to give back to me what I need?


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## Mattie J (Sep 1, 2009)

Choose2Love,

I have tried similar "disinterested" type tactics in the past and they seldom produced the results I wanted. It is so frustrating to play these games and they just don't seem to be very effective. I understand that your relationship is lopsided but I think you need to try and look at the positive things here. At least your husband does come in and kiss you good-bye in the morning. Many do not, including up until recently myself, and I like to think of myself as being fairly sensitive (that's why I've been here!). I would not push off his advances, especially since you have stated in the past that he has shown a complete disinterest in intimacy.

As far as communication is concerend, I will only speak for myself but I think most men on here would agree, we don't interpret implied messages very well! Cold body language is obvious, our woman is pissed about something, but what that something is may be a mystery. The best way to communicate to the majority of us is by speaking very openly about it. My wife funny enough is more like a guy with regards to communication. She thinks everything is fine even when I take the "female" approach to communicating, like what you are doing, and finally I just have to set her aside and have a face-to-face discussion to make things crystal clear to her. I know that your husband has not repsonded very well to your direct conversations though, so it's not an issue of him not getting your signals, there's something more to him. At the end of the day, it's resentment that becomes the real problem that can be difficult to overcome. The rejection leads to resentment, and it sounds like you both may be suffering from that. I'm not sure what else I can tell you. Communication with compassion will go a long way if both parties are open to it.

Bets of luck to you both!


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

You are obviously upset that he is using sex as a "weapon" and only doing it when he wants to, etc.

However, you have to see the hypocrisy in the fact that you are now asking how to use sex as a weapon back.

I'm not saying he is right by any means, just saying that "two wrongs don't make a right" type thing.

There has to be a better way than just rejecting him. Communication about exactly how you feel comes to mind.


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## Mattie J (Sep 1, 2009)

BrighterLight and Choose2Love,

Thank you for the compliments! BrighterLight, you bring up yet another point that will help Choose2Love a bit more. You are absolutely positively correct in the notion that most men have very short term memories when it comes to holding grudges or "keeping an account of the injury". If I happen to go to bed upset (which the Scriptures advise you NOT to do), I always wake up the next morning feeling like nothing happened. Women have a tendency to hold onto trespasses where they can fester and lead quickly to resentment. I know if I can into an argument with my wife the night before I will always kiss her goodbye the next morning. One time after an event she turned her back on me when I tried to kiss her goodbye. That sort of blatant rejection did not go over too well with me and I left upset for the better part of the day. That sort of behavior does nothing to settle issues. It sucks to be hurt and rejected, but perhaps an approach of bashing him with kindness will make him rediscover his conscience and he will begin to feel bad about how he has been treating you. The reverse psychology may work, or maybe it won't. But, you will be the bigger person for trying and setting the example by which should be followed.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Non-verbal communication is childish. If you have something to say, say it. And you know this deep in your heart. You wish he'd know. You wish he'd understand. YOu wish he'd read your mind. But is that realistic? And when it just makes things worse, you'll kick yourself.

Do the right thing. Talk to the man. Give your marriage a chance.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Choose2Love - I've read some of your other threads so if I recall correctly you have verbalized what you want, correct? So it's not an unknown issue to him, right? Based on what you've written previously I don't think there should be much confusion on his part regarding what you want. But that doesn't mean he'll connect the dots himself. 

The other posters make good points about him just thinking you're mad about something (could be anything). For me as a husband I like to have clarity and things spelled out for me. I like it when my wife tells me what she wants to make her happy then it's easy for me to do. Non-verbal can be confusing and he may not get the message without some sort of verbal clarification.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

C2L
You truly have a challenging situation. I don't think this will make it better. I think when something happens like it did this morning - let him kiss you and just play with him - meaning you can tease him a little verbally if you want. 

Just curious about one thing. OK - so I am the high drive spouse. But I am not crazy about it when my wife initiates. I know that seems insane but the thing is, she doesn't reject me any more. I mean some nights she might decline sex but she does not reject ME. Because she does that nice loving "how about tomorrow" thing. 

But - I DO like it my wife flirts with me. I love when she wears skirts I love her legs, that gets me warmed up. And she can do the light back massage/scalp massage thing and accidentally bump into me with her boobs. That is different then if she just came up and started kissing me. 

Don't get me wrong, when she does I respond and I do not decline sex with her unless something is really wrong with me - which is rare. But I am just asking how he responds to being flirted with in a low key way.













Choose2love said:


> I am wondering how to gain the upper hand in the sex department, so that its not all directed by my husband. As it stands, if I try to say no, he gets angry. Yet in his world its fully ok for him to say no. What can I do?
> 
> This morning he comes to me and gives me his daily goodbye kiss (he wont kiss me hello at the end of his workday even though I have requested for a long time). He forgot something and came back to me again. When I asked what he was doing he said he was giving me an "embrace". I gave him the cold shoulder about it w/o saying no (did not embrace him back and did not open my mouth for the kiss when he tried to). Can I actually say no, Im not in the mood to allow you to give me something when Im not allowed to give to you? Did my non-verbal language convey enough that I dont actually have to say anything? Men... I especially need your advice on using non-verbal language vs words as body movements seem to convey quite a bit more to a man than words do.
> 
> How can this be handled better? Or, should I go on being the dutiful wife and give to him bc I want to, and just hope he starts to give back to me what I need?


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

As a guy that got hammered in this so many times - the nonverbal signals, I gotta agree with what the others have said. When it happened, I knew someting was up, but did not know what, or often which, item was the issue. I think that action will only inspre more on his part and this will continue. At some time the issue needs to come up, and the sooner the better, when it is a smaller issue, not not tangled up in other things. 

I'm not suggesting that you just do what he wants, as this goes both ways. He needs to understand that it is someting serious for you, not just a little issue because it is yours. If you have told him what your issues and wants are, are you sure he understands? Have you tried doing both? ie, giving a little when he tries, but making it understood that there is an issue, then bringing it up later? You may need to tie together what you did specifically to a need that you are not getting met by him? this will help show the connection between your actions and his actions and make him see this more clearly.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Some great feedback everybody! He does know what I want which is why his rejections when I approach him hurt so much more... it says to me, a woman, his wife... I dont give a sh%$ about what you want. So, I should just continue on being the better person and not reject him. Ok, guys, does that then convey to him that all those times he rejected me are ok? That I forgive all those hurtful times? Bc that is not what I want to communicate until he starts not using sex as control.

Mem pointed out that he doesnt like it when wife approaches even though he is the high drive (like me)... so, should I just continue to leave it up to him? My ability and desire to approach him is shattered anyway bc of all the time he rejects me. I cant do any sexy dances or flirting anymore bc I he WILL reject it. I have dreams about dressing up in my french maid outfit for him to come home and see me cleaning in... stillettos and all... but with our history, he would walk right past me and not notice. I cant risk the rejection anymore. ALthough there was this one time I was wearing his button down white ****r and napping... he thought I was suducing him... no, I was really napping as I was pregnant. He didnt say a word and then took me right there, but without much interaction... it was too fast for what I like now. He missed out on all the quickie sex I used to need/crave bc of the stress during my divorce. Now im just stressed with him. This scenario was a long time ago... 

I guess the bottom line is, why should I even put forth the effort anymore if he is just going to turn me down? SHould I play out those fantasies for myself, bc I want to do them, and if he notices then great? WHat do you think?


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Brighterlight, yes he does know what the issue is... perhaps he cant connect the dots on it? I think you are right bc all he says is you think sex is only on my terms... instead of saying you want me to say yes to your advances. SOmetimes I do want to punish him for treating me this way for so long (Like why should he get away with rejecting me for so long like nothing happened... but if I say no once to him I get the wrath of satan)... but I dont do punishing very well, and I crave kisses too much to fully punish him. Talking to him is punsihment, seriously, he told me so. He says it ruins his desire, so I cant talk with him. ALl your advice is great, but what if we cant talk, bc it further ruins his desire?


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## Mattie J (Sep 1, 2009)

C2L,

I'm not sure there's much more I can contribute to this. I completely understand your concern that if you just continue to be the one offering yourself up despite his rejecting you and overall poor behavior that you are simply enforcing it. He is not suffering any consequences of his actions. I think, though, that you need to communicate to him the possible consequences instead of giving him the cold shoulder or continuing to torture yourself. You need some relief! I guess you have to make it crystal clear to him that if he doesn't do such and such you are going to do such and such, an altimatum. I'll relate a true story illustrating my point: my wife had become so frustrated with me siding with my family and not supporting her wishes on a particular subject that one day she mentioned to me that she was going to look for an apartment! I initially took this as an empty threat (of which I do not respond favorably to) so she did not get the reaction out of me that she had hoped, initially. However, I quickly came to the realization that this was bothering her far more than I had realized, so I addressed the issue. It was a shame that I made it go for so long and essentially forced my wife to almost take extreme measures. It never should have escalated to that point but due to my lack of response it did. I didn't realize it was such a big deal until she hit me with the threat of moving out. Wow!

I'm afraid your husband will not respond the way you would like him to or take you seriously until you tell him point blank what's going to happen if things don't change. Again, I'm not an advocate of divorce; I personally don't believe in it, for it states at Malachi 2:16 that "God hates a divorcing". Please believe me when I say that I'm not judging you, divorce happens all the time and even my wife has been married once before and I would never hold that against her. However, when we do have a heated discussion from time to time and the "D" word is mentioned (more to get a reaction out of me then anything else), I get very upset at the notion. I'm not one to give up or just throw in the towel, the marriage vow is a verbal contract and an agreement that we would support each other in good times and in bad. We have to do everything we can to work out our differences. The fact that you resent your husband and yet are still very much attracted to him physically speaks volumes of your love for him. Tell him this! Make him look within himself and rediscover his conscience! You are a remarkable (and rare woman) based upon of I've read here that most men on this forum would be psyched to be with, so tell him. I think he has taken you for granted, we're all guilty of that. There are too many songs out there relating the same thing, but we take evrything that we have for granted until we no longer have it. This includes our spouse, our children, our health, etc. Damn, I need to heed my own advice! Please just talk to him, don't play any more games. Tell him what you expect from him and ask him what is wrong. Perhaps he will enlighten you on something that you were totally unaware of. Let me know how it goes.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Thanks. I have already threatened to divorce him if this did not improve (and we have only been married 6 weeks). I either have a really stubborn man as my husband or he really doesnt want to be with me and just hasnt admitted it to himself. I will try one more time, but I am not allowed to contact him via email or txt or phone if its relationship stuff. I have to wait not until he gets home, but after he makes his lunch for the next day and showers from the gym and eats dinner... then MAYBE he will talk. But, if he hears anything relationship oriented he shuts down and says he doesnt want to talk about it or to quote him "I just want to not talk about relationship stuff for a while.". I feel that my last option is to actually print out an apartment rental and leave a note... "honey, I just cant take the lack of intimacy anymore, give me a call when you figure things out." I went to a hotel room overnight last week... and it worked wonders, but the positive effects only lasted through the weekend. I slept amazingly well, too. I would have stayed away all weekend, but we had a planned party at our house and he said he would divorce me if I didnt show up.

Oh well. I will keep you posted. I really appreciate the suggestions, from you and everyone else and will try my best. You have gotten me to think about some other things as well. Thank you so much


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Have you simply discussed frequency, asked what his ideal would be, tell him what your ideal would be, and attempt to reach a compromise? Different drive marriages really need to do this.

I'm like you in that my drive is higher than my husband's. But he's affectionate all of the time so it makes it a lot easier to take than it sounds like you're dealing with.

He could probably use some counseling so he can learn to open up. I wouldn't doubt if he feels like a freak of nature to be the lower drive person in the relationship being the man. He may have an image issue going.

Since you're so upset about this and already considering that what he's doing is using sex as control, I take it that this has gone on longer than the 6 weeks you've been married. If that's the case, why did you marry him?


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

We have discussed everything. I almost didnt marry him... but remained hopeful that the promises he made in therapy to say yes to me, and to increase the frequency were sincere. Plus, I would have been the second woman to back out of marrying him and he would have shut down completely if I had done that to him as well. Maybe I should have, and he could have learned the hard way. But I love him and his family and wouldnt do that to them either. If we can just work this out we are great together... we were before it went on so long and I know we can be again... we were great this weekend not arguing, enjoying each other having sex, hosting a party... it was like it used to be all over again... and then I moved his hand towards me to tease him but he thought I wanted sex and he didnt want it so he stopped his hand and got mad. In therapy Tuesday, he did then realize it was wrong of him (when the therapist pointed it out and asked him why he handled that way, and if there was a better way). Of course we havent had sex since even though I am giving him the space he requested (no phone, no email, no txt). Its not fair that I do what he wants and he can choose to do his part or not... makes me feel like he doesnt care about the relationship. He says he does though.

Hope that helps answer your question.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Tough situation, girl. I didn't realize that you had only been married 6 weeks!! I do have a question then, were these intimacy issues present before you got married 6 weeks ago? I don't think what he's doing is right at all but I have to ask, if this was an issue before then what made you think it would be a good idea to get married? Is it reasonable that if this is how he was before you got married to expect he's going to be someone different now? I know a number of women who married less then stellar guys (did drugs or drank excessively, etc, etc) and thought that marriage would magically change them. It doesn't mean their behavior is acceptable but I'm just saying... People are who they are and if this is who he has been then it's hard to see him changing. 

I feel really really horrible for you but you have to ask yourself if you can really put up with this for the rest of your life. I believe in marriage and not divorce but that's just something you have to figure out. But unless he recognizes that there is a huge problem here and he's willing to go through some regular, maybe intense therapy to change I wouldn't have high expectations of anything changing. 

I don't know if it's the right answer but I think you may be right to be at the point of printing out an apartment lease for him to see with the note & and ultimatum. It just shouldn't be this hard after 6 weeks of marriage and it doesn't sound like he wants to prioritize the marriage and doesn't value what's important to you. I hope the best for you C2L!


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

BL, I always say yes to him when he advances, bc I want to, but I also know that if I say no, we wont have sex.

Mike1, he made promises in therapy to me that he would begin to say yes and up the frequency... that is why I married him, bc he was promising to change. I didnt just marry him blindly hoping it would change... it was straight from his mouth and heart that he would and he has not. He may not be able to and made the promise why? Bc he wanted to marry me and knew that I wouldnt marry him if we couldnt solve that issue... he knew that. Wow, so now I feel lied to.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Choose2love said:


> BL, I always say yes to him when he advances, bc I want to, but I also know that if I say no, we wont have sex.
> 
> Mike1, he made promises in therapy to me that he would begin to say yes and up the frequency... that is why I married him, bc he was promising to change. I didnt just marry him blindly hoping it would change... it was straight from his mouth and heart that he would and he has not. He may not be able to and made the promise why? Bc he wanted to marry me and knew that I wouldnt marry him if we couldnt solve that issue... he knew that. Wow, so now I feel lied to.


Yeah, I'd feel pretty deceived from what you say. Ah, sorry for you. Seems like the solution to make you happy wouldn't be that hard.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You should have postponed the wedding. That would have given you a chance to see if he could really change. Talk is easy. Real change is difficult.

I'd think he needs individual therapy to explore why he is the way he is and to figure out if he's deceiving you or if he's lying to himself. But something isn't right.

Is there sexual abuse in his background by any chance?


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## Tootsiepop (Sep 7, 2009)

C2Love...I've read all your posts...all be it backwords, but I wanted to understand your whole story rather than just pick up in the middle.
You truly sound like a loving and caring woman who is doing everything you can think of to make this marriage work! Of course, in hindsite we see all sorts of things you coulda shoulda done, but that's water over the dam as they say. So no lectures on why you married him, the fact is you did! Yes, getting divorced is always an option, ( and it should be) but make it the only one left after you've tried every conceivable avenue to make this relationship work (and that's not even considering your custody fears regarding your ex-that's a whole other issue)

I think your husband sincerely does love you and is attracted to you and is happy to have you as his wife. He just happens to be a controlling person. HOW people become control freaks is probably best left to the therapists (their dyfunctioning family, value systems, peers, abuse, whatever). Unfortunately he is using sex to help give him a sense of control in his life with you. Determining when to show affection, when to share intimacies, when to have sex, is something HE can control and I guess helps keep his esteem and ego intact. He seems to be aware of this on some level; he's been going to therapy with you since before your marriage so he knows on some level he has 'issues', but change is hard and just because he wants to doesn't mean it's going to happen anytime soon. But at least he's aware-step one anyway! He probably needs to work through whatever personal 'stuff' he has with a therapist; why he has this wall up to protect himself and finds emotional initmacy so threatening. Why he is afraid to be vulnerable? Why he needs to conrol in order to feel okay with himself. He has a double standard and he knows it. Sounds like it's just a spontaneous response from him because that's what he's done his whole life. But then he has moments when he must think about it and then apologizes for rejecting you-till the next time! So you have a roller coaster of a marriage. I don't think you playing games with him is wise; like someone said , two wrongs don't make a right. Keeping score would only up the ante; I don't see how that is going to let your husband have an "aha...now I know what if feels like, won't do that again!" moment. Then it really turns into a power play! At the same time, I can understand how you're going to feel resentful and hurt. Curious, when you are having a talk...(not in bed) and you steer the conversation to sex...what does he say when you ask him what you should do when you want to have fulfilling sex and he's not in the mood? What are his suggestions? Or does he just cut you off and refuse to talk about it? Too painful for him to discuss? Those are things he has to come to terms with himself, hopefully with a therapist he can trust. So I suppose the only thing for you to do at this stage is to continue to try to be supportive and to communicate with him without losing your sense of self esteem. Keep letting him know how you feel-send a letter if you have to-that you're fighting to keep this marriage alive and his rejecting you is literally pushing you away. That you both have a say in sex, and because you love him you don't want the day to come when you will not want to make love to him because he has turned you away so many times. And if that day comes, you will know your marriage is over. You're not threatening him, giving ultimatus, just letting him know how you feel and if he values the marriage more than his sense of control, he should be trying to do his part to make this a marriage of equals.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Dobo, I know I should have postponed the wedding, and in fact, I tried... but he got upset and saw no reason for it. I did marry him, so that is where I have to start.

Tootsiepop (like that name), wow, great advice for where I am at. I have gotten to the point of not wanting sex anymore already... but picked myself back up out of that twice now... so I am hopeful I can do it again if need be. 

He actually talked with me last night... let me talk for the first time in a looong time without taking it into an argument. I told him about the suggestion that I read online (thanks Mem) about asking him if he is not in the mood what can I do? He said bj... should work every time. Now, we had this conversation a while back but it was at a time when he was advancing frequently enough that I wasnt feeling rejected. I had misremembered that piece of info... I remembered it as he likes them, not that that is what I need to do to get him going if he is not interested. I also asked if we could not use the word "no" anymore (again, thanks Mem!)... Instead could we say Im really tired tonight but I will rock your world tomorrow ________ fill in the blank with morning or evening. It has to be honored though. I told him that I read about this online and he suggested that I print it out and we could go over it together...!!! Wow! I was in utter shock at his interest!

So, anyway. I feel hopeful. I also believe in my heart and mind that if I can somehow work out a plan to have sex everyday for like a month, then after that we can institute a plan like what Mem has described or something my husband offered last night was a calendar! At first I didnt know how to feel about pre-planned nights of romance, but maybe that could be fun... then we know when and can look forward to teasing one another until those nights arriave! Could be much fun actually! That is, once I get my sex tank on full again from the month long schedule... perhaps I will even burn out before the end of the month!

Thanks to all of you for your fantastic suggestions! Being a wife and mother is the career path I have chosen and just like anyone who has an office job faced with an issue... I will work at this until there is a solution that works. Just like a career is someone's livelihood, this is my livlihood (bc it is my career). I am a woman straight out of the 50's... like to serve the man I love and yet, I also want things to be fair. If fair, I serve... pretty simple. I will keep you all posted!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

C2L,
Sounds like you made GREAT progress. I don't know what the "typical" frequency is for you guys but - well - if my wife asked for 30 days straight I would be truly scared. Not joking now. Maybe something wrong with me but at 46, sex is way way more enjoyable for me every other day then every day. But that is just me. 

I do think a calendar can be great. I also think that maybe asking him what he would like the calendar/frequency to be is a good idea unless he has already said that daily is good. 

Oral is a huge warm up for any man. For me, before oral I love, love when my wife lightly massages my inner thighs and lightly touches the "equipment" directly - really soft touch, and then back to thighs. And then once I am clearly getting there she does the oral thing which. Anyway everyone is different. Most guys - you ask them - do you like this, how about "that", is "this" better or "that" better. They will LOVE you for that. 

Also see if he will 69 - you deserve some fun too...













Choose2love said:


> Dobo, I know I should have postponed the wedding, and in fact, I tried... but he got upset and saw no reason for it. I did marry him, so that is where I have to start.
> 
> Tootsiepop (like that name), wow, great advice for where I am at. I have gotten to the point of not wanting sex anymore already... but picked myself back up out of that twice now... so I am hopeful I can do it again if need be.
> 
> ...


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

He loves 69, its difficult for me to enjoy what he is doing if I am doing it at the same time. I was very inexperienced when he and I met, even though I have been with more partners than he has. I was must have been with the fraternity of the sexually conservative... all of them! He introduced me to soooo much stuff and I loved it all... and wanted to keep doing those things, and then it stopped. The exciting stuff was replaced with routine your way, my way and done. There was no more throwing around the bed... no more on the counter in the kitchen... all the creativity was gone. I really miss that. 

Plus, You know, we never really asked each other those things bc we had great chemistry and frequency right off the bat, motivated by him! I was a bit nervous about what it meant to do all that so soon (just coming out of my 10 year marriage and all) I was naive about if having sex that soon meant we were just a casual fling, which wold have been fine too (but I was hoping we were going to be more, bc we got along so well... just clicked). At that point, after not having sex for almost 4 years with my ex husband... I was horny! But I really liked him too, so I didnt want to mess things up either. I kind of let him have the reigns sexually from the beginning by not saying no that first time, but I didint know it would have this effect down the road... if it is even connected to that.

We are in our 30's, and 1 year ago I hit a hormone surge to procreate, which made me reacte really intensly to sex, and resulted in accidental pregnancy which miscarried. But, that surge has actually almost disappeared (38 years old now). All my friends hit the surge also. Couple that with the stress of a nasty divorce, I wanted sex all the time! Now I just want it to be fair, or to make up for lost time... and then be fair.

Gotta run!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ive been through similar with my H. i will not approach him. when i was angry with him id do it out of spite, to try to get even. but now, i do it because i dont need that anymore. but it has nothing to do with him, or trying to get the upper hand. it just has to do with me not wanting to be humiliated or hurt anymore. 

and i say no to him all the time now. he gets upset, etc but im not worried about his issues anymore. he can deal with his own crap. my responsibility is to heal myself- to take care of myself. all my actions are geared in that direction now.


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## Tootsiepop (Sep 7, 2009)

You are on the right track...a wonderful attitude... and that's half the solution! !

As long as you're aware of the inner dynamics of your marriage and the underlying issues, using humor, calendars, schedules, toys, "whatever", can go a long way in making you and your husband more relaxed, more playful, and more attuned to each other. You guys know you have sexual chemistry together; I guess it's just trying to find that Fairness Frequency Level without either one feeling put on, put off ; rejected or controlled. Sometimes it's not what you say or do, but how you say it I suppose. And if you find using a daytimer to schedule a session, so be it! Ain't nothing wrong with that and may lighten up everything so it doesn't come across as a demand and resulting rejection.

Btw, I got a kick out of you wanting fair, ...but first getting the sex tank on full............then fair can start  Hey, even your husband's got to think that one is cute!


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

I can only hope my husband thinks that is cute!


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