# Is oral sex enough?



## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

In the beginning we had sex all the time like most couples do. She never had issues reaching orgasm with her previous lovers however very shortly into our relationship could only have one with me providing oral or using a vibe. That's fine with me I enjoy both. Her desire for sex has decreased over the years to the point she just does it for me. She feels her hormones have changed and she just is not interested anymore. To make matters worse the last four years I have started experiencing ED issues. 
Ladies opinion, would you be content?
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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

No, I wouldn't be content. But, I'm not your wife or girlfriend either. Every woman is different. LD/HD factors in. Things change with age, which sounds like is what's happening to her. If she's telling you that she's ok with it (is she?), are you doubting that?

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Any changes in your relationship over the years that could be contributing to her perceived LD status?


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

That's the question I have. So many things affects a woman's desire in the bedroom. She tells me she is fine and is not horny anymore. Why, is the real question I have. Some women just lose desire from same o same o. Others have built up resentment. Some may not even love their husband anymore. I have read all kinds of stories. I know she was a very horny women when we meet, over time it's just not there anymore. Could she be suppressing her sexual side simply because she is not enjoying it, or the thrill is gone? IDK, not even sure why I asked. I do know I always make sure she gets hers before I stop. I guess in just wondering if that is enough or if a woman just needs a good pounding from a man from time to time to feel the passion it brings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I'm curious how old you two are?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Spicy said:


> I'm curious how old you two are?


*And we'd like to know if 
you two have any kids? 

If so, what are their genders and ages?*
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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Hank182 said:


> Ladies opinion, would you be content?



Just my opinion, which is probably basically inapplicable to your wife: oral sex, with a couple of fingers inserted in the vagina, would be *great *if my husband's penis was starting to experience technical difficulties. But, only if he did it with gusto, and invited me to bed to do it with me sometimes. I've got no problems with initiating, even most of the time; but not all of the time.




Hank182 said:


> ...or *if a woman just needs a good pounding from a man* from time to time to feel the passion it brings.



Honestly, there is nothing to compare with a good pounding. Nothing else feels like it.

But passion can accompany oral sex too, as I said above. Just lazily licking, while waiting for her to c*m, isn't gonna get it.


All this is pointless if your wife has no sex drive at all.

If you fear that she is only sexless because of the ED issues?? As in oral will not suffice for her.

I would say she's gotta be a pal and take what you have to give and make the absolute best of it.

Once again, if her libido has dropped off a cliff, she isn't going to be interested even if you are as stiff as steel.


If we go by what you've said, her sex drive has vanished, getting that fixed requires action on her part----finding desire, maybe going to a doctor to get a checkup.

If you're not already, maybe you could get Viagra or some other ED drug??


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

OP, other posters already asked if you had kids, how old you are and how long you've been married. 

I'd add to that: do either of you have a high-stress job? Do you both work? How much time do you two spend together, just the two of you doing date-type stuff i.e. not TV but activities where you can talk/connect/communicate? When was the last time you did something romantic together? Do you touch/hold hands outside of sex?

How is your communication out of the bedroom?


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

Spicy said:


> I'm curious how old you two are?


We are both in our early 40's. Married in our early 30's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Wow, that seems so young for her to be writing off sex.

Personally, of course I would always prefer to have as much variety in my sex life as I can. I would encourage you to seek out any treatment available for your condition. 

If it ended up that PIV was no longer going to be an option with my husband, I would focus on enjoying all the other various forms of lovemaking. 

Circumstances change, and when you truly love and are devoted to your spouse, you adapt and make the best of it all.

I wish you both happiness.


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *And we'd like to know if
> you two have any kids?
> 
> If so, what are their genders and ages?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We have 3 children, she has two from previous marriage and we have an 7 yr old together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Just my opinion, which is probably basically inapplicable to your wife: oral sex, with a couple of fingers inserted in the vagina, would be *great *if my husband's penis was starting to experience technical difficulties. But, only if he did it with gusto, and invited me to bed to do it with me sometimes. I've got no problems with initiating, even most of the time; but not all of the time.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I am very enthusiastic about my oral abilities. Anything goes with me, mouth, fingers, and toys. She likes it at times, other times not so much. Which is way I think she is getting kinda bored with it maybe?
To be honest I don't my ability to get an erection matters all that much, maybe some. When they where handing out those , I came up pretty short. I don't have any issues with it just nothing I can do about it. Bad part I guess is for her, she doesn't get much out of it. Before me she never had any problem reaching the O, since we have been together it takes me doing something extra to finish the job. That might have something to do with it. IDK. 
Like I said she doesn't deny me she is just not that into it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

joannacroc said:


> OP, other posters already asked if you had kids, how old you are and how long you've been married.
> 
> I'd add to that: do either of you have a high-stress job? Do you both work? How much time do you two spend together, just the two of you doing date-type stuff i.e. not TV but activities where you can talk/connect/communicate? When was the last time you did something romantic together? Do you touch/hold hands outside of sex?
> 
> How is your communication out of the bedroom?


I have read all about how lack of time and stress affects a woman's labido but to be honest we meet she had a 7 yr old and a 11 yr old with a full time job. Her desire was in no way an issue. Multiple times a night, anywhere anytime type gal. After marriage and another kid that desire took a nose dive. Kinda feel like it has to do with eating the same meal all the time. I know people get tired of the same thing over and over but honestly I am not one of those people. Not so sure about her.
Our communication is not that great. We are both working on that. 
As for making time for each other , not really. I know we need to work on that as well. Actually I have been making more of a effort lately we will see how that goes.
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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Wow, that seems so young for her to be writing off sex.
> 
> Personally, of course I would always prefer to have as much variety in my sex life as I can. I would encourage you to seek out any treatment available for your condition.
> 
> ...


She doesn't deny me she just has no desire. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
And yes we are way too young to be writing off sex.
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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Something DOES seem to happen to women right on their 40th birthday. I know I will get pummeled for this. . .but it's just been an observation. I know it's not like there is a gene that kicks on or something stupid like that. And I know there are exceptions where women sex jets get turned on high.

it's probably psychological but I definitely noticed with my ex-gf a drop in libido when she hit the big 4 Oh. Everything else seemed to be going fine. Or maybe she was tolerating things (things not going fine) and when she hit 40 said, "Enough. . .I'm 40 now. I want this! I deserve this!" Other women too I have noticed this.

It seems to be a milestone, seminal moment in women's lives, more than men.

I think it's psychological honestly. . .I don't think it's hormonal. I know women peak 37/38, but that means "peak", not that it's over.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Hank182 said:


> In the beginning we had sex all the time like most couples do. She never had issues reaching orgasm with her previous lovers however very shortly into our relationship could only have one with me providing oral or using a vibe. That's fine with me I enjoy both. Her desire for sex has decreased over the years to the point she just does it for me. She feels her hormones have changed and she just is not interested anymore. To make matters worse the last four years I have started experiencing ED issues.
> Ladies opinion, would you be content?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she doesn't want it and you can't get it up then there is no problem. Your issues are agreeable with each other.


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> If she doesn't want it and you can't get it up then there is no problem. Your issues are agreeable with each other.


No not at all, I want it all the time my buddy just isn't cooperating with me. That doesn't mean we can't do other things. I think there are all kinds of ways to be intimant with one another. I get mine, I just want to make sure she enjoys hers as well. Like I said she does it but could do without it as well, at least that's what she says. I just want her to have more desire and am concerned about why she has the lack of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

Scannerguard said:


> Something DOES seem to happen to women right on their 40th birthday. I know I will get pummeled for this. . .but it's just been an observation. I know it's not like there is a gene that kicks on or something stupid like that. And I know there are exceptions where women sex jets get turned on high.
> 
> it's probably psychological but I definitely noticed with my ex-gf a drop in libido when she hit the big 4 Oh. Everything else seemed to be going fine. Or maybe she was tolerating things (things not going fine) and when she hit 40 said, "Enough. . .I'm 40 now. I want this! I deserve this!" Other women too I have noticed this.
> 
> ...


I have read that it is more psychological than physical with women. That's why it is so hard to mimic the little blue pill for women. It's not physical like it is with us men. It's in their brain. That's what the article said anyways.
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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Hank182 said:


> No not at all, I want it all the time my buddy just isn't cooperating with me. That doesn't mean we can't do other things. I think there are all kinds of ways to be intimant with one another. I get mine, I just want to make sure she enjoys hers as well. Like I said she does it but could do without it as well, at least that's what she says. I just want her to have more desire and am concerned about why she has the lack of.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Buy toys. Learn all the different ways to orally pleasure her. There are many. BTW, 99% of women never orgasm through intercourse. They just lie to their partners about it so they won't feel bad. It takes clitoral stimulation for female orgasm and unless she or you are playing with hers during sex, it's probably not going to happen. What they love about sex is the intimacy. She'll get her best orgasms, however, through oral so make sure you're a freaking samurai of oral sex. There are books and videos if you want to master it.


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> Buy toys. Learn all the different ways to orally pleasure her. There are many. BTW, 99% of women never orgasm through intercourse. They just lie to their partners about it so they won't feel bad. It takes clitoral stimulation for female orgasm and unless she or you are playing with hers during sex, it's probably not going to happen. What they love about sex is the intimacy. She'll get her best orgasms, however, through oral so make sure you're a freaking samurai of oral sex. There are books and videos if you want to master it.


Dude, you have no idea.  I am all about reading books or articles I can find about pleasuring a woman. Anything I can find to make it better or more intense I am eager to learn. Toys, love toys anything to mix it up. Even massages, I love to give massages. I have read several books and watched videos as well on the techniques. I really get pleasure knowing she is being pleasured. Maybe that's why I really want her to want it and enjoy it. The more she wants/enjoys it the better it is for me. Make sense? 
As for the big O during regular inter coarse , I guess she was lucky in that dept, until she meet me. No issues what so ever at least that is what she told me. Can't see why she would lie to me about that.
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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hank182 said:


> *I do know I always make sure she gets hers before I stop.* I guess in just wondering if that is enough or if a woman just needs a good pounding from a man from time to time to feel the passion it brings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


According to my wife this comes across as if you force her to finish eating a big ice cream sundae regardless or not if she has a desire for it.
*
NOT GOOD!!!*

Essentially you are forcing your wife to orgasm out of your own fears that she does not love you. 

Orgasms for women are NOT the same as orgasms for men. For a guy an orgasm is an orgasm, as we are designed to procreate via orgasm and biologically it will be rewarding every time it happens (even if we have one by just thwacking ourselves with a rolled up magazine). A woman however (from what I have read) is much more sensitive to the "context" of her orgasm. If you are forcing her to have one out of fear that she does not love you, I can guarantee that she picks up that vibe way more from you than any pleasure she will receive from a resulting orgasm. 

Have you tried giving your wife an orgasm recently because she was begging you to not stop doing whatever it is you are doing? This usually can happen when SHE is the one that asks you to get out the vibrator, and if she does not ask then you do NOT get it out. Once she does, try to remember that less is more and that even though she will want you to go straight to the point, that you need to get her to relax and enjoy taking her time!

Hope that helps!

Badsanta


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## Hank182 (Feb 18, 2016)

badsanta said:


> According to my wife this comes across as if you force her to finish eating a big ice cream sundae regardless or not if she has a desire for it.
> *
> NOT GOOD!!!*
> 
> ...


You have good point. The word "force" is off base I think. But I think you are right about her not always needing to get off during our sex time. Think I will start asking her if she wants me to finish her off or if she is good after I finish from now on. Sometimes she tells me she is good after I finish , maybe she feels that way more often than she says. 
I don't equate her getting off to how much she loves me however. I do want my wife to want to be with me and have desire for me though. Who doesn't. That's why I do every thing I can to make sure she enjoys it. I would say I go overboard with it.
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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hank182 said:


> I do want my wife to want to be with me and have desire for me though.


While this advice seems stupid, I think the behavioral analogy kittens is one you may want to study. If you pick up a kitten hug it because YOU want to hug and pet it, the kitten will hiss and likely scratch you. If you ignore the kitten and give it some space, it will come jump in your lap and demand attention almost to the point you might even find it annoying. Most women have personalities that work almost the exact same way. 




> That's why I do every thing I can to make sure she enjoys it. I would say I go overboard with it. ... Toys, love toys anything to mix it up.


I've been through oodles of toys myself trying to find something to please my wife. It was not until I sat down with her one day to try and understand that I was buying "junk" and none of the really good things that SHE might actually enjoy!



















While your wife may be different, my wife's description of a great toy would meet the following criteria:

• small and very discrete
• extraordinarily powerful 
• long lasting
• comfortable to hold (she does not like her fingers vibrated)
• easy to clean
• easy to turn on and off
• no buttons that make it do stupid stuff if accidentally pressed during the heat of action. Ideally just one setting after hitting the switch, "ON all the way!"

Good luck!

Badsanta


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> Buy toys. Learn all the different ways to orally pleasure her. There are many.


Try a Womanizer, it's different from a vibrator and it sounds like you can use some variety. Just make sure you get it on the clit. It's sounds like you are familiar with the geography... 

Geez, I suggest this thing so much people probably think I work for the manufacturer


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Have you or are you using porn? I hear it can adversely affect a guy's libido. Have you had your T-level checked?


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## steve_in_FL (Mar 13, 2012)

Keep it simple. Give her what it appears she wants. Go buy yourself a [email protected] ring.Not one of the hard plastic,inflexible ones.Go to Amazon and look for one of the the thick elastic ones that,when forcefully stretched, will go all of the way around both of the testicles and the penis.Once you've put it on, let her work on you orally until you're ready. Play with her 'vital' area while she's doing so. The stimulation will,of course, bring on the blood flow but the ring will keep it where it needs to stay for the duration. This has worked for us many times, even to the point of orgasms for her.Oral's great and we've been doing that for years too but she deserves a good old fashioned pounding too. We alternate or do both, depending on her moods. I'm mid-fifties and a smoker so this ED thing was to be expected sooner or later.But early forties?! Not good. Maybe something else going on there? Good Luck!


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