# Over reacting to text messages?



## Slsnew2 (Jul 25, 2021)

My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. It was very sporadic before that, maybe once or twice a year. He’s 45 I’m 43. Married 8 years. Ever since we’ve been married he’s had problems flirting w other women thru text messages or dms. Instagram Models, local Ladies you name it. He says he’s just being friendly and has never tried to make amends whenever he gets caught. Which is every six months or so. His latest is he’s been texting a local
Woman who he sees at ball games - he’s a ref. Talking about sharing a blanket w her at the games, pretending her daughter is his and asking her how long it’s been since she’s had ‘fulfillment’ and he could help her with that. Whenever I confront he just gives me the silent treatment. This is enough right? I’ve tried all I could and now I can move on wout him right?


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Given what you have posted, I think moving on without him is perfectly reasonable.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Right, jettison this guy. He sounds like a narcissist ( we used to just call the selfish aholes.)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Slsnew2 said:


> My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. It was very sporadic before that, maybe once or twice a year. He’s 45 I’m 43. Married 8 years. Ever since we’ve been married he’s had problems flirting w other women thru text messages or dms. Instagram Models, local Ladies you name it. He says he’s just being friendly and has never tried to make amends whenever he gets caught. Which is every six months or so. His latest is he’s been texting a local
> Woman who he sees at ball games - he’s a ref. Talking about sharing a blanket w her at the games, pretending her daughter is his and asking her how long it’s been since she’s had ‘fulfillment’ and he could help her with that. Whenever I confront he just gives me the silent treatment. This is enough right? I’ve tried all I could and now I can move on wout him right?


Yep, that's enough. 

A sexless marriage is enough of a reason to leave him.

Him flirting with other women to the extent that you say is enough. Also, it's very likely that he's actually having affairs and you just have not caught him red handed yet.

I was married to a guy who did similar things and he choose to make our marriage sexless. He too was flirting with other women a lot. I did not find out the true extent of his infidelity until after we divorced. That's when people I know started telling me all they knew about his cheating... after I filed for divorce.

How did you find out about him texting this woman? Does he know that you know?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Assuming he’s not _physically_ cheating, it’s certainly not for lack of trying.

IOW, you’re not overreacting.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nope — not at all.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It seems he isn't going to stop so I can't see what else you can do with this cheater but leave.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Slsnew2 said:


> My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. It was very sporadic before that, maybe once or twice a year. He’s 45 I’m 43. Married 8 years. Ever since we’ve been married he’s had problems flirting w other women thru text messages or dms. Instagram Models, local Ladies you name it. He says he’s just being friendly and has never tried to make amends whenever he gets caught. Which is every six months or so. His latest is he’s been texting a local Woman who he sees at ball games - he’s a ref. Talking about sharing a blanket w her at the games, pretending her daughter is his and asking her how long it’s been since she’s had ‘fulfillment’ and he could help her with that. Whenever I confront he just gives me the silent treatment. This is enough right? I’ve tried all I could and now I can move on wout him right?


Blow him out his arse.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Slsnew2 said:


> My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. It was very sporadic before that, maybe once or twice a year. He’s 45 I’m 43. Married 8 years. Ever since we’ve been married he’s had problems flirting w other women thru text messages or dms. *Instagram Models, local Ladies you name it*. He says he’s just being friendly and has never tried to make amends whenever he gets caught. Which is every six months or so. His latest is he’s been texting a local
> Woman who he sees at ball games - he’s a ref. Talking about sharing a blanket w her at the games, pretending her daughter is his and *asking her how long it’s been since she’s had ‘fulfillment’ and he could help her with that.* Whenever I confront he just gives me the silent treatment. This is enough right? I’ve tried all I could and now I can move on wout him right?


There are enough red flags that you should get tested for STD's. 

Yes, you should consult a divorce attorney as his silent treatment shows no remorse and his being checked out of your marriage.

Good luck.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

there is def something wrong.
online activity CAN work in favor of the sex at home.
but if he is actively pursuing other women and you are getting nothing at home....something is def wrong with the marriage. 
and since he is not willing to talk about it, not sure how you can reconcile.

i am trying to think of a reason he would not want sex with you, but pursues it with others, but i am drawing a blank, other than for some reason sex with you turns him off.

are there any other things going on? Has he asked for very kinky things in the past that you refused, or shamed him for asking about?
Has he bought you lingerie, that you did not wear?
Do you dress sexy while at home to try to get his sexual interest, or is sexy clothing something you only do for others when you go out?

Rather than just be shocked he is texting these other women, try to understand WHY he is doing it. there might be a fixable thing that solves the problem. 
Otherwise, he is just getting a big thrill from the cheating aspect of it all, and that bodes poorly for reconciling with you.

baseball coach, huh? does he have any toxic male friends that are goading him into some of this? Cheaters themselves, they might be convincing him to get into it?


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Slsnew2 said:


> My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. It was very sporadic before that, maybe once or twice a year. He’s 45 I’m 43. Married 8 years. Ever since we’ve been married he’s had problems flirting w other women thru text messages or dms. Instagram Models, local Ladies you name it. He says he’s just being friendly and has never tried to make amends whenever he gets caught. Which is every six months or so. His latest is he’s been texting a local
> Woman who he sees at ball games - he’s a ref. Talking about sharing a blanket w her at the games, pretending her daughter is his and asking her how long it’s been since she’s had ‘fulfillment’ and he could help her with that. Whenever I confront he just gives me the silent treatment. This is enough right? I’ve tried all I could and now I can move on wout him right?


I think that's very odd and over the top behavior on his part. He's an entitled one. How long has this been going on; meaning did you begin to notice this before marriage or after marriage??


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

What you present here certainly sounds like more than enough reason to leave and move on with your life without him. Any kids? Just curious, why no sex? Are one of you regularly initiating and the other is rejecting? I really can't understand how someone even calls this a marriage. If what you say is accurate you've had sex less than half a dozen times in 4 year, half of your time being married. Why have you and your husband let that go on for so long?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Just read your first post from 5 months ago...


Slsnew2 said:


> hello! Been married 8 years. Sex has been extremely sparse the whole time. Months in between. We are now over a year wout. He’s had a physical affair at year two and lots of online stuff since then that I consider inappropriate, yet here we still are 🙄. I confronted him recently due to his messaging and exchanging phone numbers w a woman instamodel. Nothing sexual really, however they were texting during our family vacation. He’s also started messaging a recently divorced woman in our small town. How are you? How’s your 4th of July? Etc. he also looks at porn regularly. For some reason he didn’t think I could see all this but I def can. What. In. The. World? When I brought up the lack of sex, he says it’s normal to go a year without?! But he still gets to look at porn? And these texts and dms are inappropriate I think. Am I wrong? Just a prude? I am at my wits end. He is giving me the silent treatment. He’s 45, I’m 42. Thanks for any insight y’all. I think I want a divorce, but I love him and woujd at least like an apology? A promise to fix things? Instead I get treated like I’m the one in the wrong.


You are long overdue to leave him. Why have you been torturing yourself this long? Yeah, normal to have sex with your wife once or twice a year and have a side piece. Give me a break, he is just gaslighting you. In case it isn't already obvious, he isn't going to change and doesn't care for you, time to call a lawyer.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Slsnew2 said:


> This is enough right? I’ve tried all I could and now I can move on wout him right?


Yes. You have the collective internet’s blessing to leave your lying, cheating, jerk of a husband. But will you?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OP, this is exactly the same post from 5 months ago. Usually there are better responses if same posts are kept together in one thread.

Anything new?

Good luck.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Slsnew2 said:


> My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost two years. It was very sporadic before that, maybe once or twice a year. He’s 45 I’m 43. Married 8 years. Ever since we’ve been married he’s had problems flirting w other women thru text messages or dms. Instagram Models, local Ladies you name it. He says he’s just being friendly and has never tried to make amends whenever he gets caught. Which is every six months or so. His latest is he’s been texting a local
> Woman who he sees at ball games - he’s a ref. Talking about sharing a blanket w her at the games, pretending her daughter is his and asking her how long it’s been since she’s had ‘fulfillment’ and he could help her with that. Whenever I confront he just gives me the silent treatment. *This is enough right? I’ve tried all I could and now I can move on wout him right?*


Yes, more than enough. Actually, you're kind of slow, by now he should be a fading memory that only comes back momentarily after you have had if not amazing, at least you had sex with you new partner if that is part of what you want.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Why hasn’t HE left YOU? Let’s ask the question this way. (Not victim blaming, I am confused as to why you’ve stayed together at all?)

So one person left the marriage in every sense of the word years ago. But he’s still there? What exactly happened that he didn’t up and leave? How did that conversation go, given he’s been caught cheating. Why hasn’t he left? What’s he said about this previously?


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## DLC (Sep 19, 2021)

Kids? Other “entanglement”?

I say call it quit if both answers are No. sexless marriage plus he acts like he is still playing in field.


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