# Our Sex Life's Downward Spiral



## BabyGiraffe (Aug 26, 2011)

My fiance and I have been together for 3, very happy, years. The first year we were long distance but when we did see each other we had sex multiple times a day. After we moved in together it became once a day or once every other day. Then a year and a half into the relationship he started coming up with excuses when I initiated sex. He was either too tired, or (during a period of time when I wasn't on BC) he claimed he didn't want to use condoms because he couldn't feel anything. 

I became self-conscience about being rejected and told him I didn't want to always initiate and be turned down and I'd appreciate it if he would initiate too. Things got a little better as far as him initiating, but we were still only having sex 1-2 times a week, sometimes less. 

Last summer I had a serious knee injury which kept us from having sex for almost 2 months and it's been downhill since. When I recovered the sex was even less frequent than before and then in October of 2010 he had a 'nervous breakdown' and was diagnosed with extreme anxiety and a panic disorder. The disorder along with the medication to fix it put the nail in the coffin.

We're going 2-3 months between sex and when I do try and initiate it I get rejected more than ever before. I'm either doing it "too late at night" or he's "already taken his medication and needs to go to sleep". I know I can probably initiate at other times, but right before bed seems the most natural to me. I've brought up the subject of counseling for us (he's already seeing someone once a week) and he doesn't think we need it. He says this is what happens when you have anxiety and until he gets more control over his anxiety, sex will be an issue.

Our relationship is really great other than sex and it's not a deal-breaker for me, I just want advice for how I can help him. I feel like his ego is shot and I don't know how to fix it.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

helping his ego:

ask him to help you open something sometimes that you are to weak to open.
act very slightly ditzy sometimes ask him questions you know he knows the answer to (even if you already know)
laugh at his stupid jokes. 
Think back to dating and do some of the same things you girls do when you try to whoo a guy.

Sex; 

guys testosterone level is highest in the morning.
rather than to initiate try to draw interest. Look at something like fredricks of hollywood and study the poses, looks in the models faces. particular ways that they stand and the type outfits they are wearing. Not necessarly the lingere but the clothes as well.

there is a common thread with all of that and that thread is all that stuff is things that draw instant interest from males.

Not saying act like a model or anything but look for the easy to pull off in a non scripted way pose or stance just for a brief moment.
maybe intentionally drop something in front of him that takes a moment to pick up. Dont squat to pick it up not to quickly bend over to pick it up or if it falls under something like a table get down on all fours, knees about a foot apart to retrieve it. arch your back slightly as you do it but dont do it to quickly. This will draw interest especially if wearing a short bathrobe or something. 

Depression meds make interest difficult sometimes. My wife has to take them and I try to do things like this just reverse role (man whooing woman). for her. It is actually kinda fun playing the whooing game sometimes. keeps me from feeling as old as I am.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

BabyGiraffe said:


> Our relationship is really great other than sex and it's not a deal-breaker for me, I just want advice for how I can help him. I feel like his ego is shot and I don't know how to fix it.


A marraige is a sexual relationsihp. That's the main thing that differentiates it from all the other relationships in your life. Read up on this site or others about the miserly people experience trapped in sexless marriages with children, houses, money issues. You really ought to rethink this deal breaker thing. There are billions of men in the world, and it is no doubt that you can find one that you love and meets your sexual needs which would be a more fulfilling life for you.


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## BabyGiraffe (Aug 26, 2011)

Thanks for the tips, stonewall. I think I've probably been failing in the seduction department. I've just been nervous about getting all gussied up and then being turned down, and I'm also trying not to put any added pressure on him. 


I understand that marriage is a sexual relationship, hicks. But he's dealing with a psychological problem that has physical side-effects. And I know that if the roles were reversed he'd be there for me the same way I'm there for him right now.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> Sex;
> 
> guys testosterone level is highest in the morning.


That's what I was thinking, go for it in the morning!! They don't call it "morning wood" for nothing!


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

Assuming the meds have his disorder in check you need to tell him this is bothering you. 

It's great that you are there for him but you have needs too!


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## insight (Aug 25, 2011)

Unless you have changed in some way that caused him to become disinterested, I would say that there is nothing you can do about it. It sounds like he has issues, and the issues existed before your knee injury and his breakdown. So, if there are no kids in the picture, and he is not able or resistant to changing the situation, maybe it is time to call it quits. If you add kids to the mix, then you really have problems.


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