# Worried about adding wife to health care plan



## mauro (Apr 18, 2013)

I have been married for about 6 months, my first time. She is divorced. We are both employed although I am losing my job at the end of March. I am actively looking for work, no luck yet. She has a secure job but is in much different financial shape than me. For liquid assets, I have over 100k, not counting retirement savings. I also however have a lot of bills I am currently paying off, I have gotten new furniture for the house, I paid for the wedding, etc. Probably about 30k in total. I might be in slightly better shape then some, but I am NOT well off, I own a house and pay for heating, property tax, etc..

She basically has next to nothing and lives paycheck to paycheck. She made some bad financial decisions and is not great at saving money. She also has her own expenses like big car payments which she takes care of. Not trying to sound mean about her either, just stating the facts. Our incomes our similar. Prior to being married, her health coverage was through her ex-husband who is a state cop, one of the conditions of their divorce. Since she remarried, she no longer has his coverage and wants to go on mine.

I have always only had to take care of myself. Cost for insurance for me alone is $1,250. Adding her on there is almost $3,100, almost triple the cost! I work for an insurance company, she works for a law firm. She claims her boss’s insurance coverage is horrible, high deductibles, not the greatest coverage, etc. As I am hearing it, she just doesn’t want to pay for what I can.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know it is a husband’s duty to take care of his wife and all, but we have had many arguments over money. She likes nice things and going on trips. Well, that may have to come to an end. Right now, I am making about 44k, used to earn commission, but no more since my days are numbered. Any thoughts on this situation and how to handle things, or at least how to make myself feel better? Am I being taken advantage of or am I too over-worried about this? Then again, I don’t know what will happen once I lose my job if I do not have another one by then, maybe she will have to go on hers. Most likely she will try to get me to keep paying for something for her.


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## colotnk (Feb 3, 2012)

I'm guessing that you have separate finances? If so, it's reasonable to ask her to contribute to the cost of adding her to your health plan. If she's not willing to pay, then you have your answer.

My advice is to use this opportunity to discuss joint financial goals, and to establish joint and individual budgets. My husband and I struggled with money issues early in our marriage. I can relate to your situation well.

This is what's worked well for us -- we have a joint account for all the bills, a joint account for savings and individual accounts for discretionary spending. We identify how much we want to save then divide the contributions fairly to the joint accounts. The rest is ours to spend on what we want. We agree on a limit (say $1,000) where we have to talk to each other before spending even if it's from the individual account.

My husband is a spender and usually spends all of his discretionary funds whereas I save most of mine. But since he's already fulfilled his obligation to the family by contributing to the joint accounts, there's no resentment or nagging from me. 

Best of luck to you


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## mauro (Apr 18, 2013)

colotnk said:


> I'm guessing that you have separate finances? If so, it's reasonable to ask her to contribute to the cost of adding her to your health plan. If she's not willing to pay, then you have your answer.
> 
> My advice is to use this opportunity to discuss joint financial goals, and to establish joint and individual budgets. My husband and I struggled with money issues early in our marriage. I can relate to your situation well.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply, that was very well said . Your plan makes sense too. The unfortunate part on my end is I do not think she is going to have much of anything to add to her health care plan, so even if I asked her and she was willing, she is pretty much already stretched to her limit.

The truth is, I have never been completely open to her about my finances. We have had many issues historically speaking as a couple with trust and I still go to therapy for it. We tried couple's therapy, but she was not willing to stick it out. The reason I was not open with her is because in the past, she has had the ability to manipulate me into spending when I thought it was a bad idea.

Things have improved a little since those days I think (knock on wood), but we still have a ways to go.


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## colotnk (Feb 3, 2012)

My husband before I married him wasn't that great with money either. He didn't exactly live paycheck to paycheck but with his six figures income he barely had any savings.

One thing we had going for us was premarital counseling where we openly discussed everything from finances, children and the kind of lives we wanted to have. We set financial goals and he agreed to them before we had our wedding.

While engaged, I spent a half of my savings paying off his car loan and other small debts. (It was painful to let go of that much money that I spent years to save). But it helped us start with a clean slate and we were able to follow our financial arrangements from early on. It was bumpy for the first couple years but it got better with time. We've been together for 8 years now and very happy.

I understand if you might not be willing to do something similar. But she's your wife now and any debt she incurs during the marriage will likely affect you. What would happen if she got sick and got huge medical bills? I guess I just don't understand how having separate finances from your spouse can work.

Sounds like you have other issues as well? Is money the cause or symptom of those issues?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Your wife's coverage has to meet the standards of the ACA, so it can't be all that bad, but yes, high deductibles can be a pain if you actually burn through them.

Since you're losing your job, it would seem to make far more sense for you both to go on her coverage, since it will still exist once you lose your job. You may have the COBRA option, but you won't have any employer subsidy of the total cost, which sounds like it would be a lot more than $3100. Is the cost of her family coverage lower? Do you expect to need a lot of medical care this coming year?

Aside from that, now that you're married, you need to look at the big financial picture, with the goal of minimizing joint expenses (such as health insurance) while maximizing the benefits obtained. As colotnk suggests, create a budget and financial plan. Keep some savings/assets separate and have a joint account for shared bills and household expenses.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I also question of putting her on your plan when you know you've got a limited shelf life there. I also wonder how you'll survive having $3100 (per month???) in health care costs when you're making less than $4000 per month. And finally, I wonder why it costs an extra $1900 to add her, when you alone were $1250.

I'd say the two of you are headed for a financial meltdown unless you get things straightened out soon. Even if you get a new job.

C


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Wow! I've never heard of such high premiums under a group plan. Have you checked out private insurance plans? Figure out your doctor visits, medications and medical conditions and check out the plans. 

Having a low copay when you make few visits doesn't offset higher premiums.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Your premium sounds really high for individual coverage, unless you have significant pre-existing conditions.

Have you checked out the coverage you can get through the ACA's federal or state exchanges?


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