# she wont tell the truth.?



## koslivan (Jun 13, 2010)

my wife will not admit or confess anything, ever. Even with overwhelming evidence or being caught in the act or cold busted in a lie she denies lying and any wrong doing. we love eachother very much but I cant deal with this anymore. How can I get her to confess so we can move on??


----------



## koslivan (Jun 13, 2010)

please reply! opinions or thoughts or anything Im drowning!


----------



## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Why does she have to admit it? You know what she did. Others know what she did. Strike 1. She's lying about it. Strike 2. I don't see that her admitting it will do anything. Lying makes it worse, so deal with what you have. 

I don't know what she did, but because you originally posted in the infidelity section, I can guess. She she's not just a cheating *****, but a lying, cheating *****. Work with that.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hate to tell you this.... but a habitual liar gets to the point they believe much of their own tales. Lying is a character flaw, and it is nearly impossible to fix. I'm not sure what your situation is or how the lying applies to it though.


----------



## koslivan (Jun 13, 2010)

Admitting it would pave the way for resolution. I forgive her for her mistake, not an issue. I know what she did but she calls me the lie. Whats her point?


----------



## koslivan (Jun 13, 2010)

827Aug said:


> Hate to tell you this.... but a habitual liar gets to the point they believe much of their own tales. Lying is a character flaw, and it is nearly impossible to fix. I'm not sure what your situation is or how the lying applies to it though.


we have been together 16 years. This is out of character for her and it seems sudden. You said hard to fix... not impossible. Advice?


----------



## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

I dated a girl years ago that if suspected or caught would only reply "If your going to accuse me I'm going to do it." I hope she's happy wherever she is I can't stand liars and wouldn't have one for a wife. My wife's been out of character too do to menopause. Don't think she's lied to me though.


----------



## livingla (Feb 10, 2010)

A delusional mind uses lying to help maintain the gap versus reality.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Is she cheating?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

She is doing it to maintain the illusion that you are the one in the wrong, that all of this is your problem b/c you cannot see clearly, blah blah blah.

It if is important to you, make a stand, b/c if you do not, nothing will really change. "I have made mistakes in this marriage that I'm willing to admit and to work on. You, however, have cheated, and now you are lying about. I refuse to try to put this marriage back together with your lies as part of its new basis. Either you admit you cheated and have lied about it, or we are done." 

If you are not willing to take a stand, she won't have to admit her wrongdoing (at this point, the lying too, not just the cheating!). 

If she can lie to cheat (like lying about her whereabouts) and lie to cover up when she gets caught, she has no incentive to be honest. This is no basis for a new relationship. 

Be aware that if she is not willing to admit she cheated, she may choose denial/divorce over reconciliation. Is that something you can live with?


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

koslivan said:


> we have been together 16 years. This is out of character for her and it seems sudden. You said hard to fix... not impossible. Advice?


A liar is a liar and it usually goes back to childhood. Think back to earlier in your relationship. You will probably remember a little white lie she told. Those usually seem innocent and you probably have trouble even remember them. Over time the little white lies evolve into bigger things. Then you NOTICE. So, are her lies really sudden. I have been in a 26 year relationship and that's how the lying evolved with my estranged husband. In our case it is impossible to fix. He doesn't admit it and denies everything. The lies are still evolving and getting much worse. Each time he lies now, I just tell him his nose is getting longer and move on.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Hi Koslivan,
“I’m drowning”, been there, it’s crazy making, makes us feel like we’re going crazy. Get away somewhere, you need space and the ability to just observe and reflect on what’s going on.

There are people in the world who prefer to deceive, lie and blame than to own up to the truth, even when they’ve been caught red handed. They don’t know that the truth has far better consequences than lies. Without truth in the relationship there is no authenticity and therefore no trust. Not just with what is being lied about, but everything else that’s gone on previously in the relationship. You may want to look up denial at Denial - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

I could point you in other directions but that would be sowing seeds in your mind. It is a very serious problem. It was enough for me to end a near 40 year marriage with my wife who I loved very much.

Bob


----------

