# Need male perspective/confirmation



## Frightened (Nov 11, 2009)

Hello - I posted this in the ladies section and I think I know the answer, but just wanted the male perspective before I make a move. Specifically would like to know why you would tell your gf and not your wife and what you think the reason for the therapy is. All comments/opinions are appreciated:

My husband of 27 years has been having an affair for about a year now. Things have not been good between us for at least the last 7 years and now that our youngest daughter went off to college in September, we barely interact. My husband is very close to our children and I am aware that he has stayed with me only because he is afraid of hurting them. And I've turned the other way to the affair because I'm comfortable with my life (I know it sounds brutal, but it's the way I feel) and because I'm not interested in shaking up my kids' lives. I don't want a divorce and I am perfectly happy existing as roommates. I have an extremely comfortable and privileged life and I'll be honest, I'm very afraid of losing that.

Yesterday I discovered (by reading his emails - he did not offer the information) that my husband started seeing a therapist 6 weeks ago and has had weekly sessions since. In the email to his best friend, he alluded to seeing the therapist to help him make a decision about his life and to deal with guilt he feels towards our children. He also mentioned that the other woman knows he is seeing a therapist and has known since the beginning and is supportive. This has really rattled me. I feel betrayed that the other woman knows and that he did not tell me.

I know some won't understand that I do not feel betrayed by the affair, but I can't help what I feel. I'm hoping some of you can offer me some input/advice. The fact that he shared with this other woman and did not tell me has made me realize that he may leave me. I don't know what to do or think. Am I wrong? Could he be seeing the therapist to help him end the affair and work on our marriage?


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## tom327 (Nov 13, 2009)

Your post sounds as if it could e my story about my wife and her actions over the last few years, after suspecting her of cheating on me she tried to make everything look as though it was my fault, I have two younger children from adoption and i will do everything in my power to not break up the marriage for their sake but I get very lonely,emotionaly but I know I have not done anything wrong in our relationship, that give me some peace.


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

I'm curious too...it seems as though you really don't care about the "marriage", and you want things to stay this way? Does it worry you that he may be thinking about making a life change that doesn't include you?

You need to move on. Your baby is in college...it is time to find your life.


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