# Husband just got a new job!!



## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

So my husband just got a new job and its official... he starts Monday! Its a local truck driving job and he will be starting off at $16 an hour, and after a year of working there he will be making $20 an hour... plus health insurance benefits. We are so excited. I think my husband is even more excited than I am.

For the first 8 weeks, he will be on "trial". This means that he will not be considered a full time employee until the 8 weeks are up... so its really in his best interest to try to do the best that he can possibly do over these next couple of months, to make sure the company is confident that they hired the right person for the job.

The thing is, my mother in law called my husband today and said they are having a family reunion. His family lives about 400 miles away, so if he wanted to go, he would have to take at least 2 days off in order to give him enough time to drive down there and back. She said the reunion will be in a couple of weeks.... my husband told her that hes going to ask his boss if he can take a couple of days off so he can go to it... but he said that if his boss says that it will be a problem and he doesn't want him to go, then he wont go.... he just wants to ask to see what his chances are.

I think this is a bad idea. If I were him, I wouldn't risk doing or saying anything that might possibly get on anyone's bad side... I think these first 8 weeks are especially crucial and I think he needs to make a good impression. If I was his boss and one of my employees asked me for some time off to go to a family reunion when he had only been working there for a couple of weeks, it might lower my opinion of him. I mean if its only his second week and he already wants time off, it would make me question whether he really wanted the job or not.

He hasnt been to a family reunion in a while but it hasnt been long since he has visited his family. Its only been maybe a month or two since he has seen his parents and his brothers... there might be some people at the reunion like cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.. that he hasnt seen in a while but I dont understand why he cant just wait until the next time that they have a family reunion. 

It would be one thing if it was a life changing event like if he was having a baby or getting married.... but I just dont think that a family reunion is worth risking giving his boss a bad impression of him. It wont be long and he will have vacation days that he can use.... he can wait and go see his family then. 

He says his boss seems really laid back and that he doesn't seem like he would get riled up easily... that may be true. He may not SHOW my husband that hes disappointed in him, but that still doesn't mean that he won't be thinking it. His logic is "Im just going to ask! Im not going to go if he says he doesnt want me to".... but I think it looks bad to even ask.

What do you think? Would you ask for time off from work on your second week just to go to a family reunion?? Do you think I should try to convince him not to?

Its just that we're both so excited and this is such a good job.... hes been looking for a job like this for a while and it finally happened.... I just don't want him to blow it.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

I agree with you. If he really wants the job and he's on an 8 week trial period, this is no time to be asking for a vacation already. He shouldn't need his boss to tell him that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

He keeps saying "They wouldn't have hired me if they thought I was just some lazy bum who's always wanting days off. I have 10 years experience of driving a truck. I'm not some 16 year old kid with no job experience who has to prove that I'm worth something."

It is true that this company was very impressed by his experience and they obviously do think that he knows what hes doing, otherwise they wouldnt have hired him.... so why risk tarnishing that? Just because his boss doesn't SHOW that hes displeased doesn't mean that he isnt.

My husband said "You think hes going to fire me just for asking for ONE day off, two weeks in advance?". No, I don't think he will get fired just for that... but it may very well make his boss form a lower opinion of him and personally if I was him, my boss's opinion of me would mean a lot. I wouldnt want him to think I was anything less than the very best. I've found that when you are working for someone who doesn't think very highly of you, they sometimes start LOOKING for things to get rid of you for... then before you know it, you're getting chewed out for every little thing. It just makes work a lot more pleasant for everyone when you get along with your bosses/coworkers.

I thought he'd have to take at least 2 days off but he said he would only need to ask for one... he automatically will get weekends off, which means he will already be off on saturday.... so all he needs is Friday off.. thatll give him two days... But I think even asking for one day off when its only your second week of work is a bad idea.

When I told him that I didn't think a family reunion was worth asking for time off, he said "Of course you wouldn't. If one of your brothers was getting married and you had just started a new job, Im sure you wouldn't ask for any time off." 

This isn't true. If my brother got married, that would be a one time thing.... and I probably WOULD at least ask... but I don't consider a family reunion to be a one time thing. His family has had them before and I'm sure they will have more. 

When I brought it up to him, he just automatically got defensive and acted like he didn't want to hear it. All I'm asking him to do is to think about this very carefully before he asks his boss anything. Thats all. Never once has he said "Ok, I see where youre coming from, I'll think about it before I come to a decision." Instead, all he keeps doing is defending himself and saying that "theres no harm in asking." I don't understand why he can't just talk about things with me without getting so defensive. Its like as soon as we start talking about something he doesn't want to hear, he just shuts me out and either walks out of the room or he gets an attitude... or both. When I bring stuff like this up, I try to talk about it very calmy and rationally... but no matter how I bring it up, it just seems like he doesn't know how to have a normal conversation. He always ends up getting aggravated. I just really don't get it!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Common sense where have you gone? Your husband is on probation. He does not get it. He has not earned the right to ask for time of to something so nebulous. He does not know his boss well enough to make any assumptions of what kind of guy he is. 

Does your husband have problems with "common sense" issues in general? Does he get what is going on with the economy and jobs at present? Is he ready to face you if he goes to this and then work decides not to keep him on after 8 weeks?

He needs to think this through a bit more.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

RClawson said:


> Common sense where have you gone? Your husband is on probation. He does not get it. He has not earned the right to ask for time of to something so nebulous. He does not know his boss well enough to make any assumptions of what kind of guy he is.
> 
> Does your husband have problems with "common sense" issues in general? Does he get what is going on with the economy and jobs at present? Is he ready to face you if he goes to this and then work decides not to keep him on after 8 weeks?
> 
> He needs to think this through a bit more.


 Actually, generally he has good common sense.. that's why I don't understand why he can't see my point of view here. Its like whenever it comes to anything having to do with his family, he has a hard time saying "no". This isn't his brothers wedding that he wants to go to, its not a close friend/family member's funeral, its not like he's asking for time off because his wife is pregnant and is expected to go into labor soon. All these things would be siginicant enough to ask for time off... but a family reunion? I don't think so. He could just as easily tell his mom "id love to make it but im on probation at work and im trying my best to impress my boss so that he will keep me. I don't want to ask for time off this early. Ill visit you soon and ill try to make it to the next family reunion." My husbands 18 year old brother just graduated from high school and he didn't go to his graduation... he told his mom that he couldn't make it. It doesn't make sense to me. He can miss his brothers high school graduation, something that happens once in a lifetime, but he can't stand to miss a family reunion. I don't think he gets it either. I think you're absolutely right when you say that he hasn't earned the right to ask for days off yet, not for something like a family reunion at least. Maybe if I word it this way to him, he will get it... but then again im tempted to just not bring it up again since he doesn't seem to be capable of having a conversation about it without getting irritated. I guess ill just have to hope that he doesn't ask, and if he does, I hope it doesn't have any effect on whether his boss will keep him or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Unless it is going to be easy for him to get another job, I think he should prioritise his new job.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

First impressions last a LONG time in the workplace.

If jobs are hard to come by around there, he needs to give 110% during the probationary period.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I wouldn't take time off of work. Asking for time off that soon would jeopardize his position. The reunion can be skipped this year. Work is far more important.

He would most likely lose his job if he asks for time off this soon. 

My h is on probation for a year. He's already been with the company for years, but since his promotion he's taken very little vacation. Just a day here and there. He is putting 110% or more into his work, as work takes priority over everything else.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He's on probation. No, he shouldn't go. This is his opportunity to show his boss how much he wants that job. Taking two days to go to a family reunion isn't the way to do it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Had a homemaker friend get her first job after 10 years. She's a new single mom so she kinda needs that money.

She asked off for days right away for things and they let her. I cringed thinking she had lost her mind but said nothing because hey it's not my problem.

Anyway nothing happened. She continued to take off days and nobody cared because it wasn't like there was a line of people waiting to fill her position.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Well it seems like everyone has confirmed my fears. I just had to ask for opinions on this because my husband just makes it seems like I'm being ridiculous and theres no harm in just asking. 

Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can convince him to not ask? All I'm asking is that at least for the first 8 weeks until his trial period is over, that he don't ask for any days off unless something major happens.... and I dont consider a family reunion to be major. I just want him to do his very best and show his boss that he didn't make a mistake. At the end of these 8 weeks, I dont want his boss to have any doubt in his mind about whether he wants to keep him or not. My husband is 10 years older than me and brags about having so many years experience with driving a truck, so you'd think he would know that asking for a day off when youre still on probation isn't the smart thing to do. I don't have half the job experience that he does, and even I know this. 

I asked him if he had ever asked for time off on his first or second week of work at any of his past companies. Supposedly, he said that he did.... but he was talking about the last company that he worked for, and I don't think he was even on probation there.... I think they pretty much said he was hired from the start. It was an over the road company, meaning he had to be gone 5 days a week... and over the road company jobs are EASY to get. This job is a LOCAL trucking job... meaning he gets to come home everyday and have weekends off. This type of job is harder to come by... so if I was him, I would be trying extra hard to do my very best. There are tons of truck drivers that would love to have this type of job.

The problem is, like I said before, anytime I bring it up, he just blows me off and gets an attitude. I brought it up to him twice yesterday and he acts like I was just nagging him about it all day long. I brought it up to him first yesterday as soon as he got off the phone with his mom. All I said was "I'm just going to say, I dont think its a smart idea to ask for a day off this early just to go to a family reunion. I dont think it will make you look good." He just blew me off and acted like he didnt want to hear it.

So I waited until we got off from work that night and brought it up again. Then he complains that he keeps having to hear about it.... I told him that if he had have just talked to me about it when I first brought it up earlier that day, it could have all been resolved and we wouldnt be talking about it for a second time. It looks like I'm going to have to bring it up for a third time because last night it was the same thing. He took off to the bedroom and all he kept doing was trying to defend himself and saying how it wouldn't be a big deal. This led me to believe that I wasn't getting through to him so I kept going on about it... all that I wanted him to say was that he got it and that he would think about it. He said to me "I AM thinking about it! I haven't asked him yet have I?"

But when all he does is try to dismiss my concerns, what am I supposed to think? To me, that doesn't sound like hes thinking about it... he sounds like he just thinks that I'm being ridiculous and he doesn't care what I think. 

Last night after we got off work, he stayed on the phone with his dad from 10:00 PM to about 1:00 AM... So I didnt really have a chance to talk to him until he had gotten off the phone, and by that time, he was ready to go to bed. This morning when I woke up, he was gone... He took off to go for a ride on his motorcycle, as usual... and by the time that he gets done with that, itll be time for both of us to go to work. I just feel like he never has time to talk to me.... if hes not out riding around, then hes on the computer or on the phone. 

And then whenever we DO get the chance to talk, if its something he doesnt want to hear, he just shuts me out. I dont know whats so hard about just having an adult conversation without getting angry. Is there anything I could say that I havent already said that will make him see what Im saying? Or do you think he gets it and I should drop it?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm not a fan of controlling others. Is this a deal breaker? Are you going to leave him if he loses this job? If so tell him if not then stop talking about it.

You've trained your husband to run away when you disagree with him. 

Is that what you want?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

kittykatz said:


> Well it seems like everyone has confirmed my fears. I just had to ask for opinions on this because my husband just makes it seems like I'm being ridiculous and theres no harm in just asking.
> 
> Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can convince him to not ask? All I'm asking is that at least for the first 8 weeks until his trial period is over, that he don't ask for any days off unless something major happens.... and I dont consider a family reunion to be major. I just want him to do his very best and show his boss that he didn't make a mistake. At the end of these 8 weeks, I dont want his boss to have any doubt in his mind about whether he wants to keep him or not. My husband is 10 years older than me and brags about having so many years experience with driving a truck, so you'd think he would know that asking for a day off when youre still on probation isn't the smart thing to do. I don't have half the job experience that he does, and even I know this.
> 
> ...


Random pole of Internet strangers 10 out of 10 think he's wrong. Try telling him that. While he may not get fired, he will give an impression of priorities. We would snort at someone at work who tried that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

golfergirl said:


> Random pole of Internet strangers 10 out of 10 think he's wrong. Try telling him that. While he may not get fired, he will give an impression of priorities. We would snort at someone at work who tried that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I could try telling him that and see if it changes his mind. I kind of doubt he will get fired for asking either... but like you said, it will make his boss think that a family reunion is more important than his job. Even though he says he won't go if his boss says no.... the fact is just by him asking, thats like saying that he'd rather be at a family reunion than at work... but only if his boss approves.

He actually mentioned to me that some guy that he used to work with at a previous company took two whole weeks off when he first got hired, and his boss didn't fire him. When I asked the reason why the guy took two weeks off, he said "Right after he got hired his brother got in a really bad car accident and was in the hospital". 

Really?  Hes going to compare someone's brother getting into a severe car accident to going to a family reunion? I said to him "youre not taking off to go to the hospital to see your injured brother, you want to take off to go to a family related social gathering." he said "Yea well we're also not talking about taking two weeks off either... all I need is ONE day off".

I don't think it makes a difference whether its one day, one week, or two weeks, and I dont care how much notice he gives in advance.... If you're on probation with a new job, don't even ASK for time off unless something HUGE happens that you can't miss, not one day, not any days. 

And then he tried to say that if one of my brothers was getting married and if I had just started a new job that I wouldn't ask for time off... as if I would put my job first over my family, no matter what the circumstances were. Thats just BS. In some scenarios, it would be worth it to ask for some time off... He keeps mentioning things like weddings, relatives getting into accients, etc... when it comes to missing something thats a once in a lifetime thing, or possibly missing out on your last chance to see a relative because they could possibly die, thats one thing... but whats the worst that can happen if he misses a family reunion? Nothing. He can wait until they have another one, which I'm sure they will. If he would just tell his mom that hes starting a new job and he doesnt want to ask for time off right now, she should be able to understand that. If she doesnt, then shes being extremely unreasonable.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> I'm not a fan of controlling others. Is this a deal breaker? Are you going to leave him if he loses this job? If so tell him if not then stop talking about it.
> 
> You've trained your husband to run away when you disagree with him.
> 
> Is that what you want?


Of course I'm not going to leave him over it but I definitely would be very disappointed in him for it. 

I'm not trying to control him. Its his decision. All I'm asking is that he at least acknowledge my concerns and at least think about what I'm saying, as opposed to just minimizing my concerns. So far, hes said absolutely nothing to insinuate that I have any valid concerns.... instead, he just argues with any points that I bring up and tries to say that I'm wrong.

No, this is not what I want. If we disagree on something, I want to be able to still talk about things and keep an open mind. I want him to still try to put himself in my place and see where I'm coming from. Just because we disagree, doesn't mean he has to shut me out and ignore me.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Unfortunately, he's a grown man and you can't force him to do anything. You've stated your opinion repeatedly. Time to let him do what he will and let the chips fall where they will. You might just take the suggestion someone posted above to ask him if he's ready to live with the consequences if it does go over badly. Other than that, time to let it go and hope for the best.


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## Malcolm38 (Dec 25, 2012)

It's a bad idea. I'm surprised he doesn't see that.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

At this point, you've made your point. And, yes, you are clearly right. I understand you have a lot invested in his keeping his job. But anything more at this point WOULD be nagging. He ultimately has to decide this for himself. I know you realize that. You have made your point. Time to let him go do what he's gonna do.

I hope it works out ok.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

I guess I am just going to let it go. I told him that he knows what I think but its his decision... so if he does this and it does effect whether or not he will still be there after 8 weeks, I told him that he wont have anyone to blame but himself... I just wish he could talk to me about things. He got an attitude and shut me out the FIRST time that I even voiced my opinion on it.. but yet he says his problem is that I keep bringing it up. I tried talking to him again about it and all he could say was "please just shut up". So I just walked away and decided to drop it. I guess ill just start doing what he does... when im upset, ill just walk away and ignore the issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

He knows its not a good idea. Good luck. I hope this doesn't effect his job if he decides to ask.


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