# Its Over and Somehow I got taken for a fool.... again



## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Well after my 4 year long saga of my marriage and crazy wife i just found out she went to court and got her divorce without me present because I had not been informed of the date. I had fired my attorney and he was dismissed at the last court date and then she slipped back in and the judge gave her everything she wanted because I wasnt there. Now im severely depressed as well as there is injustice here, PLEASE READ MY Threads. The question here is I feel relieved in a way but she is a sick woman and now im ready to jump off a bridge. I cant do this anymore. She is truly a freak of a human, no doubt Somebody like I have never seen or only on Dateline. My poor children have no idea yet but someone please read about the incredible nighmares Ive been through with her, im ready to die


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## golfpanther (Nov 30, 2016)

bcc said:


> Well after my 4 year long saga of my marriage and crazy wife i just found out she went to court and got her divorce without me present because I had not been informed of the date. I had fired my attorney and he was dismissed at the last court date and then she slipped back in and the judge gave her everything she wanted because I wasnt there. Now im severely depressed as well as there is injustice here, PLEASE READ MY Threads. The question here is I feel relieved in a way but she is a sick woman and now im ready to jump off a bridge. I cant do this anymore. She is truly a freak of a human, no doubt Somebody like I have never seen or only on Dateline. My poor children have no idea yet but someone please read about the incredible nighmares Ive been through with her, im ready to die


Please, please don't harm yourself. Call someone if you can or get yourself checked into a treatment center.

Moderators, is there anything you can do?


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

You know, why not though. Seriously why not? I really dont have anything and any purpose at this point. My children were my drive and thats pretty much gone because she will manipulate them into her sick little corner, as she has already been doing. Not seeing anyone special and doubt that will ever happen nor care I think. Running out of money trying to keep my business going because she took every penny from my cash savings. And she is sick believe me. Its been the cat and mouse for years and I thought I was the cat , got custody, house, everything. Then she weaseled her way back in somehow because im an idiot and took the rug out under. Im 46 years old and have ZERO because of her . So why not?? Why not noose up and take the plunge?? Could it get better , there isnt any better


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

1-800-273-8255

Please give this number a call... and never give up any power like that to the person I just read about in your other threads.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I feel I have been defeated for not only truth and justice but also in life and what is right. I feel now that I have wasted my life and everything about it by being honest and really caring. This world is just too twisted for the good people who try do the right thing.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Nothing in life is wasted my friend... the world delivers lessons to those like you who can endure.

I can hear how frustrated you are... please call the number mentioned before and get someone on the phone who is able to guide you to someone that can help you right now.

Get those good people in your life...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
> 
> The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
> 
> ...


 @bcc,

Please call the above hotline and get help for the suicidal thoughts.

The best reason I can think of to not do it is for your children. They need for you to fight for them.

Have you talked to a lawyer about what happened? See if you can get any of this turned around.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Elegirl, im sure you remember me. Here I am swimming in circles. but drowning


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I have no money for a lawyer anymore, she wiped me clean


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

https://www.familylawrights.net/fathers-rights/

Fathers Rights | Affordable Family Attorneys

Fathers Rights Family Law Legal Help and Information


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bcc said:


> I have no money for a lawyer anymore, she wiped me clean


Yes I remember you. 

@Emerging Buddhist gave you a list of web sites for father's and men's rights. Take a look at those.

I'm sure that you feel like you have in black pit right now. But you got to pull it together.

Here on TAM we are not equipped to help someone who is in a suicidal state. That's why you need to call the hotline. And why you also need to get you butt to a doctor ASAP. You need anti-depressants so you can pull yourself up and get out of this black state you are in.


(by the way, I want to merge your two accounts.)


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

@bcc , God that you relied on on your opening threads on TAM hasn't abandoned you, please turn to your same faith, seek out the spiritual leadership there for you and keep that light in your life and your children's life. @EleGirl is spot on that your children will need you now more than ever.

Business is only one way to provide that which motivates... people need people that care, and you are a caring soul. So what if you are not in charge... let it go and become that which people still rely on, just differently.

I'll be sending you loving and kindness in my evening meditation tonight, you do deserve better than you've been given... show those you love how to mold that into action and be the rock the waves beat against relentlessly without noticeable wear.

Sure... we all wear down over time, we cannot stop that, but there is no unnecessary to it... it is simply what it is. Embrace the changes your life throws at you... she cannot break you.

Persevere brother... success is measured within ourselves.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BCC, please call the suicide hotline ele provided.

You're in a dark place, but life throws us stuff sometimes and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel if you're willing to look for it. 

You can do it, and you owe it to your kids to try.

Give them a call if you haven't done so already. You have nothing to lose by doing so.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Elegirl, please merge my accounts, I need support from you guys


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

BCC, whatever happened to the charges you were filing against her? And with her stealing her mother's soc security benefits?? I cant believe a judge granted a divorce to a mentally ill person without the other party present... that seems sketchy to me.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

You're in crisis and your mind is playing tricks on you and making things seem much worse than they are.

I was in your situation once. Lost contact with my kids, took a huge financial hit in my divorce but eventually things turned around and I'm in better shape than she ever was even with all the divorce proceeds. She even went into the magistrates courtroom without me due to an error made by one of my original clueless attorneys, and she got a huge support award which ultimately I was able to challenge. 

There are things you can do to get this ship to turn around but its a long slow process and you must think of the end game, not where you are now.

Some ideas for you other than self harm.

1- Get another attorney and appeal the decisions because you were not properly informed, I think you have a strong case
2- Get some fast acting anti anxieties from your physician, such as xanax (that's just an example I am not making a medical recommendation here).

Things can and do get better as long as you've got your health and hopefully a good job with income, even if your ex is getting a big chunk of it right now it's not forever. 

Hang in there.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

BCC, I would not normally advise you to do something "just to show her" However in a case like this, you absolutely should do something "just to show her!" LIVE! Go out and make the absolute best you can with the rest of your natural life on earth. Show her what a worthless POS she is by becoming far more than she could ever hope to have. The best revenge is a life well lived. If you should try to hurt yourself, you will only letting her win and proving her right.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

^ That too. Don't validate her by being an ex who off'd himself because he was a messed up guy.

That's what she'll tell everyone including your kids who will be horribly affected by your death should you choose to go that route. 

Stick around, be patient and allow things to turn around. They surely will. They certainly cannot get any worse.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Well Here I am still here, i took up drinking and thats worse than suicide. I received the divorce papers and its pretty easy 250 week for 3 kids and thats it. She keeps the crappy house which is a health hazard to my kids anyway. Racoons infiltrated the third floor for 8 years. However what disturbs me the most is my 12 year old called me an a**hole and f -off and shes glad mommy "got rid of me" and on and on so Im down at my shop talking here now but incredibly depressed, so ill keep drinking


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Thanks for the update.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I didnt see my babies yesterday, im dying i just cant do this


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Right now you are your own worst enemy with all the self destructive thoughts and behavior. 

In order to get through this, you need to make some adjustments in your life, just like I did, just like just about every single divorced man must do.

You won't see your kids as much, your living situation is going to change, and you'll have additional expenses.

None of this is the end of the world but if you treat it as if it is, then it's going to be that much more difficult then it already is.

The changes you need to make won't happen overnight, it's like a big barge slowly rolling along that needs to make a turn. It happens slowly, but steadily and over time you start to see your progress, but you need to be patient and work on developing a more positive attitude, just like the rest of us "successful" divorced guys. What's the alternative? Sink deeper into the pit of self despair because life didn't go the way you planned? It's an option but not one I recommend you choose.


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## coolgal (Mar 10, 2017)

bcc said:


> I have no money for a lawyer anymore, she wiped me clean


Hi don't get depressed, I can understand what u r going through bcs I am not getting any alumni from my husband not even the amount which my parents gave even that amount he is not returning. So I Can understand ur feelings, n truly even I can feeling like if we care for someone, we won't get it back for ourselves but what can we do other than one positive and forgiving the guilty.u should be there for ur childrens n be calm n positive n love urself n try to move on,we can start from any point if we r positive n many people are there in world who are lonely like u so u r not the only person who is facing such bad situation but everyone have to face anything that comes to us 

Sent from my Lenovo A6020a46 using Tapatalk


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

The divorced guys posting here know what you're going through. I've been there. I had to take sleeping pills for a month because my mind would race a million miles an hour on how horrible my new life will be. I see my kids 50% of the time and pay over $900/m to the ex for CS and daycare expenses. Hell yes it sucks. But it's temporary. My kids will get older. I'd be paying out most of this anyway if I was still with my ex. Custody is bittersweet. I get 50% of the time to do my own thing and 50% of the time I spend actual quality time with my kiddos. You have to be positive. 

You are now FREE of this crazy woman. You are now FREE to date and screw millions of single women out there. You'll be in a place soon to date and it's going to be like your back in high school/college again. It's a blast. The world is waiting for you. Get some self respect and be a man your children will look up to. Get to a doctor and get on anti-depressents. Start working out 5x a week. Eat healthy 100% of the time. Drink water only. You can do it. The hardest part is getting started, so just do it.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I guess I cry for my children


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## coolgal (Mar 10, 2017)

bcc said:


> I guess I cry for my children


Ur childrens will be missing u surely so don't cry for them but be there for them so that u can really do something for them if they need u 

Sent from my Lenovo A6020a46 using Tapatalk


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

bcc said:


> I guess I cry for my children


Are your children crying for you? 

Doesn't sound like it.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Dear BCC,

You seem to be a good parent, Gentleman, and a God fearing person. I have not read your previous threads (Will do so now), but I think you are probably going through what every NICE man goes through eventually.

Hang in there, soon other TAM friends will come to give you proper advice. In the mean time, please don't take any wrong step or hurt yourself.

The world needs you. Your kids need you. Someday they will understand your true value. They will need you in good shape at that time.

Please stay safe.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

OMG please help, im so depressed, I wont make it through the night , im out of the house, living at my shop again alone. This time there is really just no hope. Its the thought of my kids that is killing me. I wont be able to stand it if she moved someone into the home, im scared i just wish i was dead i cant feel this pain


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

bcc said:


> OMG please help, im so depressed, I wont make it through the night , im out of the house, living at my shop again alone. This time there is really just no hope. Its the thought of my kids that is killing me. I wont be able to stand it if she moved someone into the home, im scared i just wish i was dead i cant feel this pain


You need medication. 

I was in your position once. Not quite as bad as you are but close. High anxiety coupled with fear and depression can cause the mind to play tricks and convince you things are much worse than they really are to the point that you feel completely helpless.

Don't get me wrong, things are bad, but they're not THAT bad. There IS life after divorce, me and tons of other guys have been through it and come out the other side after thinking our lives were over. 

Get the help you need and stop being your own worst enemy. The alternative- is not pretty.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Browser, I just cant see it its a black hole with no way out


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

bcc said:


> Browser, I just cant see it its a black hole with no way out


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Im just not gonna make it


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

What is stopping you from picking up the phone, calling your friendly neighborhood physician, and making an appointment?

You are NOT the first person to go through this, and you won't be the last.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

I just read through some of your older posts. 

You were in very good shape- she was ousted as a nut case, you had custody of the children, and you made the mistake of letting her back in. Ok, you screwed up but you can get back there again. Most guys are never in that enviable position of being granted full custody of their kids. 

You had it once, you can have it again, you just need to get this ship turned around. And this time you're smarter. Use the wisdom to your advantage rather than beating yourself up over your past mistakes.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

He knows what im going through and I am taking medication but some things seem to run too deep


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I know but i had the money then and had a great lawyer who is dying now. I had a hard time raising the kids, im not very organized and i was going through money like crazy. Now i would be broke. The judge gave me a tiny child support and no one gets alimony I honestly have no clue how she will do it. She spends money like its going out of style, and she must be running out of the money she took from me. I have nowhere to go with kids and they like their home and friends I think I need to be just out of the picture. Im up and down by the minute. But I sure wish I was dead


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

bcc said:


> I know but i had the money then and had a great lawyer who is dying now. I had a hard time raising the kids, im not very organized and i was going through money like crazy. Now i would be broke. The judge gave me a tiny child support and no one gets alimony I honestly have no clue how she will do it. She spends money like its going out of style, and she must be running out of the money she took from me. I have nowhere to go with kids and they like their home and friends I think I need to be just out of the picture. Im up and down by the minute. But I sure wish I was dead


OP, we may be strangers on the internet, but we care about you and want to help. Yes you want to give up now, but this feeling is not permanent. Things can and will get better. Focus on getting through to the next hour. With each passing hour, you'll have relied on your own strength to make it through. If you can make it through the next hour, you can make it through another. 

Have you thought about talking to someone over the phone? You can call the prevention line: 1-800-273-8355 (if you're in the U.S.). 

Is that where you are right now? What state are you in?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

bcc said:


> I know but i had the money then and had a great lawyer who is dying now. I had a hard time raising the kids, im not very organized and i was going through money like crazy. Now i would be broke. The judge gave me a tiny child support and no one gets alimony I honestly have no clue how she will do it. She spends money like its going out of style, and she must be running out of the money she took from me. I have nowhere to go with kids and they like their home and friends I think I need to be just out of the picture. Im up and down by the minute. But I sure wish I was dead


And no, you absolutely do not need to be out of the picture. You are your kids hero. You're their dad, nobody can ever replace you. They probably don't even think things are that bad. I remember when my house burnt down and my parents lost everything (including their side business, they operated from our home), us 6 kids thought it was an adventure. I bet they thought we would see the situation in the depressing light they did. 

What signs are your kids showing that the situation is negatively impacting them? Do they see your pain?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Ok, I get it, you're in a worse situation now and you probably won't get back to the point where the kids are living with you and you're receiving child support. 

So let's look at the positives.

You aren't paying her alimony or child support and you don't have the responsibility of full time parenting so you have the freedom to do as you please, explore hobbies and activities that you couldn't as a full time parent, and since you don't have that responsibility, you can work more hours and gradually rebuild the finances that you lost in the divorce. 

Hows that for starters?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

@bcc what's going on on your side? If you're reading this let us know.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Bcc, bowser has given you sound advice.
Get some medication and don't lie down. You can summon the strength to keep your sadistic ex from literally destroying you.

How can you even consider letting this evil woman ruin your life?

These feelings aren't how you would think if you were healthy!
Do you get that?
Get some medication, sir!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

If your so worried about your children. My advice is to try your best to snap out of it. Start rebuilding saving some money even 10 a wk if thats all you can . Eat healthy start some exercise even just walking every oer night. Shwo your children how to bounce back after a loss. They might not say anything but their watching and learning sometimes thats the best. Teach them by example!!

Good kuck


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

The last thing your kids would want - is for you to harm yourself.

Regroup. Contact the numbers to see if there are other options.

I don't know what state you are in, but something very wrong has happened... and **THIS** is why you never trust your own lawyer. My wife was paying for a lawyer when we were at war with each other. When we started (R)- she showed me everything. I found problems with the lawyer's info not matching the courthouse - because *I* went to the courthouse to see what is actually going on. She stopped wasting her money.

Here is a MAJOR-NO-NO. Again - you need to confirm with a legal help group perhaps.
1 - You *ARE* supposed to be notified of ANY and ALL hearings.
2 - Did your crazy EX know where you lived or where you worked? (If yes - then you need to dig)
3 - Did she or the court make any attempt to contact you? AKA "SERVED" papers to you? (If no = major NO NO from the court)
4 - if you have not been served - find out WHY?

Go *TO THE COURTHOUSE* and get access to your CASE RECORDS - they are PUBLIC, if not at least OPEN to YOU!
It will include info regarding SERVE paperwork as well.

Let's say your EX provided the court FALSE information. The court would spend about 2~4 months trying to get YOU served or a public notice to appear in court. Who the hell reads a newspaper anyway?

If you were in regular contact with your EX and she never said anything... and knows your address... things are fishy.

If the address / contact info they have on you *IS WRONG* / fraud - that should grant you a re-trial / or something. Let's say your address is 8118 Generic Drive, but the process server had 1881 Generic Drive. Which isn't even close. 

Making a judgement without the proper process is WRONG. That is why there are rules about this.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I made it through the night. My daughter keeps asking why I dont come home so I know she is sad. I will try to work through today im so scared


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

bcc said:


> I made it through the night. My daughter keeps asking why I dont come home so I know she is sad. I will try to work through today im so scared


There he is! &#55357;&#56832;


You made it through the night, see. The nights tend to be a little rougher so surely if you had the strength to work through last night, you can take on today.

What are you so scared of @bcc?

When do you plan to go see the doctor for a bit of medication to help make things easier?


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

ODAAT

One Day At A Time

Your kids don't want you gone. There are tools out there, but you need to try and think what you are NOT doing... thinking of the long-term plan with your kids.
A judge made a ruling for a court hearing THAT YOU WERE NOT TOLD ABOUT!!

You *NEED* to go to the courthouse and SEE why you were NOT informed.


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