# Should we stay together?????



## Lisa M (Apr 14, 2009)

This is my first time on this site and I am on my last string. I don't know what to do. This is a long history. My husband and I have been together since October of 1996. We briefly "dated" before that but we were kids. At this point, I was out of another relationship that was on and off but at this point we had been off for about 3 months. I was excited to be with my hubby (at that time was BF), but then the ex came back in the picture and wanted me back. So I was only dating my hubby for about a month and told him that I had to be fair and give it one last shot. Well I decided that I really wanted my hubby but the ex kept popping in. In january I found out I was pregnant with the ex's child but did not tell my hubby that I was. I ended up very sick and the pregnancy terminated but almost took me with it. The ex and I were definately over because of the way he reacted to the whole situation and we both moved on. Everything was great with the hubby and I, then I had gotten pregnant in 99 with our son. We loved each other and knew we would marry some day. Well that day came in April of 2001 and then our daughter was born in 2002. I noticed that with more responsibility my husband was getting more controlling. I didn't see it but I knew I was unhappy. I was then laid off and that brought more stress and then we added another child again not planned. We were having more problems and things were getting worse. We went for counseling and all he got out of it was that I was not liking his controlling behavior because I didn't grow up with a father. My parents divorced when I was 8. I knew I didn't have issues because I went for counseling many years and my husband who was raised by his grandfather, who was a Marine, had some issues his self. I was independent, hard working, and call me crazy but when I was invited to go out by friends I would like to go once a year at least. Since all of that we added another child, so that makes 4 in all. Don't get me wrong but I love my husband for the things his does but it almost seems like he does things to gain my love not just because he wants to. He is not a bad guy but I think the way he was raised and not finishing high school, having to pay $650 a month at the age of 15 to live in his grandparents house when his mom was just a waitress and would not pick up the slack for her 4 kids, messed things up a bit. Well, getting into this is so much history to it, but the gist is everytime we would or I would try to leave I would either lose my job(happened twice) or get pregnant(happened twice too). So at each of those times he wanted to know my past, what I did sexually, dances I went to, people I dated. How many people I had relations with. And before we got married he asked me if there was anything else and mind you the beginning of this story. I did not tell him of the pregnancy or anything until after marriage and I lied about the number of people I slept with. I did it in the beginning because I didn't want to relive my past and feel like a **** or anything and I figured it was in my past and that was that. Well, as our fights went on I started to tell everything including that my very close guy friend that I had for years we had a few drunken nights that meant nothing and my hubby is now pissed that he was at our wedding and in our house, etc. etc.. For me, I don't see any of this a big deal. I am easy going and live for the day because you never know if there will be a tomorrow(with-in reason now). But he is completely upset over everything and it is mainly because he had no childhood no previous girlfriends or sexually past. Now this has gotten so bad that he monitors my cell phone wants to know who is calling me and why even if it is my mom. He won't let me go out with any friends. He won't let me have any friends. He monitors my computer, sites I have visited, etc. And I understand he doesn't trust me. I get it, but how long will this go on for. He wants me to fix this but I can't. I want to go back to counseling but he said what will that do. I have tried everything I can think of even divorce and he doesn't want me to leave him deep down but he is making things horrible! But he says it is my fault. So I am turning to you guys. I can take it and I know I was wrong but for me the past is in the past and the future in now! Thanks for listening...


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Lisa,

Now this has gotten so bad that he monitors my cell phone wants to know who is calling me and why even if it is my mom. He won't let me go out with any friends. He won't let me have any friends. He monitors my computer, sites I have visited, etc. And I understand he doesn't trust me. I get it, but how long will this go on for.

**Can be months or years its his call.

The past is the future, you cannot sweep it under the rug. There is forever a bump, even after the forgiven segment.

If it is too painful then there is the other option.


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## Lisa M (Apr 14, 2009)

Why is it his call? None of this past happened while we were married. I have not cheated on him. Why does he need to know my past? He is bitter over the fact that I had a past. That I went to a prom- oh my gosh, if someone even mentions high school or dances he is pissed at me because he didn't have that in his life. I have to walk on egg shells for what other people say. Just curious as to how is that my fault?


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Lisa,

All truths must come out before marriage, then its the other partner to decide. I posted there now is 100,000's of people both men and women that have done porn movies.

Now imagine a person marries and the other see's a movie with spouse in it. Its the same effect, should have stated all at enagement.

Was he pissed prior to finding out, if so there is other issues.

If this is recent, you have your answer


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## Sillybil (May 24, 2010)

Looks like it he is insecure of what had happened before when you went back to your ex. You are right the past is the past, no need to bring it up, look forward to the future.
My hubby is the same, insecure and immature, keep bringing up the past and create his own story that he beliefs plus he is an alcoholic which makes it even worse.
Your hubby seems to love you very much and wants to be with you. As long he hasn't done any abusive stuff, maybe try go marriage counselling to see how to deal with the insecurity?


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