# Any ladies not into the mushy stuff?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

After a conversation with some friends lately, I'm wondering if there are any women here who feel they have a great marriage, but just don't need a lot of the romantic stuff? I know that some women love the hand-holding, cuddling, taking walks together, candlelight dinners, flowers, special occasion recognition, and such. I am in no way saying there is anything wrong with either. I just noticed that some women don't seem to need a lot of that; they don't seem real touchy-feely and smiley with their spouse, but they do seem happy. I guess some women just aren't into that stuff as much as others. Are there any women here who consider themselves happily married, but just don't need a lot of that stuff?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My separated (*) wife was like that. She was happily "married" but due to cultural reasons as much as due to touch aversion likely due to a touch of Asperger's she wasn't the mushy type. 

(*) The operative word is "separated". After 3 plus decades. There's a reason humans have great nerve endings in key places .


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I prefer the mushy stuff.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Both of my husbands are dead, so I can't respond as a currently-married woman, but I can tell you that I don't care for the "mush" as you call it.

Fortunately, neither of my husbands were the touchy-feely type.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Hum, 

Well I don't need flowers, nor do I make a big deal out of birthdays, anniversaries etc. Not big on gifts, really dislike poetry and stuff like that. I don't need candlelight dinners nor strolls on the beach. 

But cuddling? Oh I love touch, I love cuddling, kissing, making out... or just a simple evening at home, one of my favorite things is to fall asleep with my head on his lap. MUST HAVE LOTS OF TOUCH (and lots of sex  )

We do have "romantic get aways" often - I feel like they are a good mix of our interest though. 

A road trip along the coast - with his mountain bike strapped to the top, will stop at points of interest that each want to see (horsey stuff for me, beers and bikes for him). Or this weekend we are going to a concert, staying on a riverboat hotel, and going to hit some good restaurants and cocktail spots. We do lots of stay-cations, get a hotel room in the City, ride the ferry, do some tourist stuff. 

I guess what I am saying is that I do not need cards and flowers, but I do need time with him, and lots of physical connection.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

I see a difference in mushy vs. romantic. 

Holding hands, cuddling, walks, dinners out (not necessarily candlelit), flowers...I like it. Him unloading the dishwasher without being asked, covering me with a blanket when I'm sleeping or picking up something at the store he knows I need, I also find that romantic and I like it. 

Cards with long messages declaring his love or "cutesy" nicknames, sonnets written for me, random slow dancing, being lifted and spun around in the rain...don't need it, don't like it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

As some of the other ladies have already said, I like some of the "mushy" (as you phrased it) stuff, but could care less or even actively dislike some of the others that you mentioned. 

I'm not a big gifts and flowers person. I have a viscerally negative reaction to big bunches of red roses, boxes of cheap chocolates, and flashy jewelry. I do not like sappy cards, romantic poetry, love song serenades or romantic movies. I dislike anything that might be termed a _grand gesture_ in the romantic sense. I'm also not particularly bothered about anniversaries or any of the Hallmark holidays. A simple acknowledgement on my birthday and something thoughtful, even if small and/or inexpensive, at Christmas is plenty for me.

I am absolutely someone who needs lots of physical affection and quality time together. I love to touch, to cuddle, to give and receive back rubs, to have my hair brushed, etc. Holding hands is pretty much a requirement. I also love our long walks together, exploring new places or revisiting old haunts. We love to get dressed up and go out to a nice dinner or for cocktails. We spend hours sitting quietly in the library together reading or chatting. We cook together over a shared bottle of wine. We like long drives through the country, and sometimes take a picnic lunch to enjoy somewhere along the way. All of that, and the many other affectionate/romantic things we do together, are definitely things I enjoy and are important to our happiness as a couple. The good news is that my SO enjoys them as much as I do.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

My W says she doesn't but if I stop kissing or grabbing her during the day, for more than a day, she asks if I'm mad, or what's wrong. Or don't say let's fool around for more than a couple days.

Go figure. 

But I've got her number 😍😍😍


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I think it would depend on what a person's love language is. Mine are Quality Time and Physical Touch, with Acts of Service being a very close third. So, I like spending time with my SO, and like hugs, hand holding, when he touches me non-sexually in public. While I would enjoy cooking together and enjoying a candlelight dinner, that's not something that I need to feel loved. Nor are flowers, chocolates, or anything else that's purchased. I'm way more for the small acts of touch and time, and that sends me to the moon!


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

I don't really like it but there are times when i have really needed it. I guess it depends but usually i prefer not.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I love touching, cuddling, etc. Touch is my primary love language.

But I don't really see the "point" of flowers, unless you plant an azalea bush in my yard lol. Cut flowers die. I don't need extravagant gifts or candy or expensive dinners.

However, I love when my husband sends me a YouTube link for a song like "You Make It Easy" or has me put down my book and takes my hand so we can dance to Fleetwood Mac in the living room.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Single, but liked mushy, romantic gestures that were genuine and an expression of caring and connection.

Problem is should these gestures, etc. slow a lot for whatever reason, then the mind goes on alert sometimes unnecessarily...


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body. I dislike romance and mush. I am very pragmatic. I do not like to celebrate holidays, especially Christmas. All I would like is some recognition on my birthday. No gift required. That said, if I do receive a gift, I prefer it to be utilitarian. Something I can really use. I would much rather prefer, say, a vacuum cleaner or a set of tires over a piece of jewelry. I am not married, but soon to be. My fiance is Pretty much the same way, although he has never forgotten our anniversary. My idea of a good time with him is to sit on the couch with my legs in his lap while we watch a comedy. A good sense of humor and laughter is a huge turn on for me.

As far as physicality, I am not a fan of "making love." I like to get carnal about it.

Is it any surprise that my love language is acts of service? Lol.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

lucy999 said:


> Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body. I dislike romance and mush. I am very pragmatic. I do not like to celebrate holidays, especially Christmas. All I would like is some recognition on my birthday. No gift required. That said, if I do receive a gift, I prefer it to be utilitarian. Something I can really use. I would much rather prefer, say, a vacuum cleaner or a set of tires over a piece of jewelry. I am not married, but soon to be. My fiance is Pretty much the same way, although he has never forgotten our anniversary. My idea of a good time with him is to sit on the couch with my legs in his lap while we watch a comedy. A good sense of humor and laughter is a huge turn on for me.
> 
> As far as physicality, I am not a fan of "making love." I like to get carnal about it.
> 
> Is it any surprise that my love language is acts of service? Lol.


Wow! I hope to meet your twin someday. 
What really got my attention is that you would rather have something useful as a gift like tires or a vacuum. I made the mistake of getting my x wife a vacuum
one year for Christmas. I learned years later that it wasn’t a good move. 

Your idea of a good time sitting on the couch with your legs in his lap watching a comedy. Wow! No mention of all the “on the go” stuff that a lot of women like. 

You are not a fan of making love; you like to get carnal about it. 

I’ll bet your husband walk around smiling all the time!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I need the mushy stuff.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My top 3 love languages are quality time, physical touch and acts of service. I LOVE romance, cuddling, making out, talking, snuggling, making love. I don't need flowers or lots of gifts but I do like to celebrate our birthdays and wedding anniversary with a nice gift for each other. Christmas, valentines day etc. meh. No big deal. I love the Christmas season - the lights, carols and spending time together, for me its not about the presents but hubby presence.

I love it when hubby puts a blanket over me if I fall asleep on the couch, which he often does. I think it's very sweet. I love it when he brings me a cup of tea and kisses my forehead.

I also love to spoil him, it's my favourite thing in the world - not very modern I know, but again, meh who cares? Lol!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I have little time for the mushy stuff though we used to write love notes to one another when we were courting (20s).

What I want is consideration, some time to touch base, priority in the rank of things he has to do, put me before his family, do not take me for granted. I find little use for fancy dinners, expensive gifts, flowers if I know I am being disrespected, not being considered, not a priority, etc.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

My sister is one who doesn't need the mushy stuff. She and my BIL have never been openly affectionate, or sweet talkers, but they have an outstanding marriage. He is such a good man, is always working on something and can be depended on, not just by her, but by the rest of the family too. He isn't mushy but he is awesome. She has told me she doesn't understand MY need for the open affection, etc, lol... to me its like breathing. We are very much opposite on this. But, SHE is the one with the successful marriage, while I have failed 3 times. Gah.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

southbound said:


> After a conversation with some friends lately, I'm wondering if there are any women here who feel they have a great marriage, but just don't need a lot of the romantic stuff? I know that some women love the hand-holding, cuddling, taking walks together, candlelight dinners, flowers, special occasion recognition, and such. I am in no way saying there is anything wrong with either. I just noticed that some women don't seem to need a lot of that; they don't seem real touchy-feely and smiley with their spouse, but they do seem happy. I guess some women just aren't into that stuff as much as others. Are there any women here who consider themselves happily married, but just don't need a lot of that stuff?


Not into mushy.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I appreciate thoughtfulness. I love the way he greets me when he's home first. The front door already open as I'm pulling into the drive; he's there with a big smile and arms open wide.

A few months ago he said he was arranging a vacation, the details were a surprise. He got us up and out early to go for breakfast. We were waiting for coffee and chatting when he glanced over my shoulder. His eye contact made me turn around... and there were our good friends from overseas standing behind me. I was so taken aback. They'd come straight from the airport, Batman involved in the planning. Yeah, I dug that.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

I wouldn’t say I like “mushiness” but I do like affection, intensity, and sensitivity (mix in carnality and I’m your girl!) 

A rose petal strewn bed, singing telegrams, or elaborate flower deliveries aren’t really my thing; it would just make me laugh awkwardly and look around uncomfortably.

But! I love poetry, art, music, and pretty much any creative pursuit. That’s the sweet stuff in life and often makes it worth suffering the rest.

I mean, if I was Katherine and received the letter below from Bukowski, well, wild horses couldn’t keep me away:

“if I never see you again
I will always carry you
inside
outside

on my fingertips
and at brain edges

and in centers
centers
of what I am of
what remains.”

So much beauty and love from such a beautiful ****ed up man! I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, I guess, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.


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