# First Post



## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

I've been lurking for some time but this is my first post, like everyone else it might be a little lengthy. 

A little back ground. Been with my wife for about 30 years now, married for the past 22 years. We have two great sons one 20 year old and one 16 year old. This is both our first and only marriage. 

Things have not been going good for the last couple of years, though I'm not really sure why. It's been confusing for me to say the least. She says that we don't communicate well, but then again doesn't want to try and talk about anything deeper than day to day things. 

About a year and a half ago after I asked her a few times why she was acting mad at me all the time I got the ILYBINILWY speech, she said that there wasn't any spark there anymore. Wow, I didn't see that coming. I asked her if she would go with me to a MC. She didn't want to. After awhile I told her that she was stressing me out that I wasn't sure if any day she would file for a divorce. She told me that she wanted to stay together for the kids. I decided to see a counselor by myself, which my wife thought was a good idea. During the first visit the counselor said that I should try and get her to come with me next week. I asked my wife about it, and said that she didn't have to tell me right then but think about it and let me know in the next few days. She told me a few days latter that she was going to find her own counselor. I asked her a few times after that if she did find one , I don't think that she ever did.	

Anyway something that my counselor asked me while I was there was did I think that there was someone else involved. I had never really gave that much thought as I trusted my wife 100% and she never seemed to be the type of person that would do something like that. But it did get me thinking about some of the things that didn't seem to add up. After looking around on the internet her personality seems to perfectly fit that of someone that feels trapped in a relationship that they don't want to be in. 

I guess I'll break this up into 2 post. I might be running out of room.


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## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

Part 2	

I started think that there was a good chance that there was someone else.	

I want to remain vague about the details of my wife's work other than to say that she travels a lot with the same guy from work. I asked her about this and she said that it has to be him because he is an expert in the type of thing that they are working on. He is the person that I believe that she is involved with. I'll go ahead and call him the OM. 

But how do I find out? I can't really say why but anything to do with computers or cell phones is out of the question. What I ended up doing is putting a GPS recorder in her car. After 3 weeks I took it out to see what was on there. It was an eye opener to say the least. It showed 4 trips to remote state game areas were the car was parked for hours at a time, one time 5 hours. One time as she was leaving the game area she sent me a text about how a bunch of people stayed to work late on a project and that she would be home in a little while. She then stopped at a bank, and then went to a restaurant X for a hour and a half. Nice.	

I played it cool and acted like I didn't know anything was going on and put the unit back in the car. 2 weeks latter I took it out to read it again. During this two week time period my son and I had gone away for the weekend leaving her home alone. I was curious to see what had happened while we were gone. It showed 2 more trips to the same remote area and one trip to restaurant X but the real kicker was the weekend that she was home alone. She left our house Friday night and drove to a house on a nearby lake that used to belong to a relative of the OM until they passed away and now the house is vacant and for sale. She stopped there for 1 minute and then drove back home. Only one trip on Saturday to a nearby party store. Sunday morning shows a trip back to the same lake house with a 1 minute stop and then she drove back to our house, and then left a few hours latter and went into work. Wow.


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## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

I drove out one night to restaurant X a few weeks ago when it was getting late and she wasn't home. It was dark when I pulled into the parking lot . I saw her car and a car that looked just like the OM's though I don't know his Lic # parked a few cars away. I drove back out and down the street to try and come up with a plan. I decided to drive past on the road again. When I did they were standing outside in front of there cars. Like I said it was dark but I'm 99% sure it was them. I continued down the road and pulled over to text her and ask if she was still working. She didn't respond. Finally got a text almost a hour and a half later saying that yes she was still working and was getting ready to leave. 

My wife is currently gone on another work trip. I went to a lawyer and got the paper work started for a divorce. I want to confront her when she gets back in 2 weeks about it. Do you folks think that I have enough evidence? We are in a no fault state so it doesn't look like it would have any bearing on the divorce but I don't want her to come up with some wild story and leave doubts in my mind that I'm not doing the right thing.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Sorry you are here, prayers for your family.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Go Time, welcome and I am sorry you are here!

Getting evidence has two or three purposes. One is to break up the affair. Another is to apply pressure in divorce negotiations (even in no fault states it might be leverage). Third is to get closure for yourself.

You already have closure in terms of knowing she is in an affair.

For divorce it may give you leverage in getting her to accept better terms for you so that it doesn't go public. Some judges may still consider an affair as far as alimony even in a no fault state. Talk to your lawyer.

Finally, getting hard evidence may be needed if you want to keep your marriage. Cheaters will deny even in the face of evidence. Like you telling her of the GPS and seeing her at the restaurant, she will spin and lie and blame shift. Having hard copies of sexual emails could help, as could photos of her kissing OM. But only go that route if there is benefit to you. If you want to divorce, you already know all you need to know to be sure.

Finally, the 1 minute stops at the lake house are curious to me. Any guesses what it means?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

The book "After the Affair" may be helpful to you.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

30 yrs together and she is cheating on you, horrible. Dont confront her now put a VAR and try to snoop into her mail. collect maximum evidence then confront her with D papers, else she will TT and blame shift.
Dont buy her lame excuses and crocodile tears, she will do anything to keep you as her doormat.
Expose the affair to all the people including OMs wife.
Take care of yourself and prepare yourself for dropping the bomb.

Never beg or plead to her for anything


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Thor said:


> Go Time, welcome and I am sorry you are here!
> 
> Getting evidence has two or three purposes. One is to break up the affair. Another is to apply pressure in divorce negotiations (even in no fault states it might be leverage). Third is to get closure for yourself.
> 
> ...


Guessing she was checking to see if the OM was there. 

If I were GO TIME I would have her and OM checked out while they are out of town by a PI. As soon as PI got back with me I would call her and tell her there was no reason for her to come home. That should make for a good "business" trip. Be nice to know if they were sharing a room too.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Get a voice activated recorder and hide it under the front seat of her car or under the dash with velcro so you can hear her phone conversations. 

Try to get into her e-mail and look at her msgs. Print out the incriminating ones and hold onto them. 

Tell your lawyer to wait on serving her the paperwork until you have gathered all the evidence you feel is necessary and then lower the boom by serving her at work. Do not show your hand or let her know what you are doing. 

I had my wife served at work and man the fireworks were dazzling!!

By the way, I'm sorry you are going through this. Do yourself a favor and take the advice the others here are giving.


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## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

Thanks for all the help everyone. I'm so glad that I found this site! 

By looking at the GPS stuff I think that they are meeting in remote areas and leaving her car there and driving somewhere in his? I can't see them hanging out in a woods, in the winter, for hours at a time. What's so disturbing about the lake house thing is that I think he might have parked his car there and that she might have picked him up Friday night and brought him back to our house, and then took him back on Sunday morning. She only stopped for about 1 minute but plenty of time for him to get into or out of her car. Man, if I had only found this site sooner I would have had VAR's in her car and our house before I left for the weekend.	

I did find out in a round about way last week that she went to see a lawyer about 6 months ago to talk about getting a divorce, but didn't follow through I guess, for what ever reason. Maybe she hasn't had enough cake yet.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is the OM married? They don't generally give up their family for a fling.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

There are two sons. I don't know if both were away that weekend. If so, this is my guess: The one-minute stop at the lake house Friday night was to pick up the OM so that his car would not be seen at their house all weekend. The one-minute stop Sunday night was to drop him off after spending the weekend at their house.


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## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

OM is single but living with his girlfriend that he's had for over 10 years. I think that they bought the house that they live in together. Crazy thing is that I we have been to their house for get togethers and have done other things in the past with them.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Hire a PI to go photograph them together.

find the OM gf and contact her, and contact their employer - and expose the affair.

do all of this before you confront her and serve her.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Hire a PI to go photograph them together.
> 
> find the OM gf and contact her, and contact their employer - and expose the affair.
> 
> do all of this before you confront her and serve her.



:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

gotime,

The 1 min trips were to pick up and drop off the OM.

She brought him back to her house for sex in your bed. She didn't want his car at her house to draw attention. His car, left at the vacant "family" home would not be unusual to neighbors who knew him. Yeah, right, he is fixing it up for re-sale.

You need a VAR in her car like months ago. 

Personal Note... 1 minute of VAR from my wife's car would of saved me precious years of my life from being cheated on, lied to, and made a fool.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Gotime, you're pissed and that is fully understandable and expected. You have some very difficult decisions to make. If your mind is made up and you are ready to divorce, go ahead and follow all the suggestions above. 

If you however want to reconcile and save your marriage, take a deep breath and decide what you are willing to do.

She is away for two weeks and he is with her. Hire a PI and get some concrete evidence. If it is a an affair, I'm sure it will take absolutely no time at all (a picture of him entering his room or vice versa, and then leaving the next morning should suffice). Get 100% proof. You have the GPS but not a single email or text or actual physical proof. 

You got the ILYBNILWY crap. She saw a lawyer. Be ready that it is irreconcilable and as said don't beg. Think about the kids (though they are plenty old enough).

Then when you have the proof you need (or at least nice to have so she doesn't try and squirm out of it), decide how to expose it and prepare for the fallout. Get all your ducks in a row and don't waiver. Talk to a counselor before if you must IF you have an EAP at work take advantage of it. Lay it out for her and if you decide to talk to her parents or others, just know that you don't need to expose it all, but calmly say "My wife was having an affair and I have the hard evidence". This is or your state of mind, so she doesn't portray you as the crazy one.

I am very sorry as this must be hell.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Implement *http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html#post306559* and *The 180 degree rules*.

As far as confronting her, I would wait until after she is served with divorce papers. The reason is to see how she reacts. If she is taken by surprise and asks you why you did it, it may show that that her alleged affair with the alleged OM is not really a sign that she wants to exit the marriage. But if she takes the serving of divorce papers without batting an eyelash and says nothing to you about it, then there is good chance that she has already emotionally exited the marriage.

If you serve her with divorce papers it will show her definite proof that you don't want her in your life anymore. A big sign of inner strength on your part and male inner strength is a powerful attractant to most women.


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## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

I like the idea of putting a VAR in her car. I think that I'll have one in there along with the GPS when she gets back from her trip. See if I can leave her no room to talk her way out of it. I have time and what's another week at this point.	

I told my lawyer to get the papers ready up to the point of filing them with the court so that when I'm ready all I have to do is call him and he will file them.	


I do still love her and would love to have the "old her" back but I don't think that it's possible at this point. She seems to have checked out of our marriage. I've lost so much of the trust that I had. Her and the OM and very smart people and could take this underground in the future and I would never know. 

I checked into the PI thing and the lawyer said it would cost $700-$1000 for one. I've already spent a bunch of money on the lawyer's retainer and the GPS unit I bought so I think that I'll go the VAR route for now.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If you do catch her talking love talk to her OM with the VAR, transfer it onto your computer and have it playing it over the speakers on the home computer when she walks in the door the night you confront her!!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Go Time, 
Sorry you are here. I have suspicion about my H too, but his skill set doesn't allow for any private investigating by me either. He travels a lot w/ various team members and many are single.

We have been together almost 30 yrs and he left. I guess you have to really figure out what you want. I am personally not willing to throw almost 30 yrs (w/ many children) away over an EA or PA... esp if it's a short term (not rug sweeping but rebuilding is what I would like). He may be willing, but I will wait to see if his MLC ends. You are angry. Do you want to know all the facts? Do you want to work things out? Or really end it? 

I don't get serving spouses at work unless that's where the OM/OW works as well. I guess I wouldn't want to hurt them professionally (we both have to work to support the kids).


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## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

If the affair was a one night thing that wasn't planned and everything else was going good in our relationship then I would feel more positive that we could work it out. But looking the state of our marriage now, and the fact that this affair probably has been going on for a long time I don't feel like it's fixable, but who knows.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Go, I think you're working on the wrong game.

you are building a case to prove to her that she is cheating. problem is, she knows it, and so do you.

your game should be to expose it, blow it up on both of them, and go dark.

then file.

only until the affair dead and she is looking firmly at the bad future in front of her will you be able to honestly even talk about R.

until then, she will feel she has options and control.

exposing her and him, removes those options and the support network the affair provides.

that is why I said what I did in my other post - it is the fastest and most effective way to end the affair, her options, etc.

confronting her and trying to prove she is cheating is a waste of time. I know you hope that when confronted she will realize her wrong choices and choose you - but brother it ain't what will happen.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

:iagree:

Sadly, Shaggy is right. That is why you get the evidence and you contact his long time girlfriend first. Shock and Awe is all you have.

Your wayward wife contacting the lawyer but not doing anything means she is sitting on the fence. Not good after being together for so long.

You do not need the wife when she can do something so terrible and the chance to hide it even better in the future is no way to live.

Get info, contact his girlfriend, have your attorney lined and then let loose. Shock and awe.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Go Time said:


> If the affair was a one night thing that wasn't planned and everything else was going good in our relationship then I would feel more positive that we could work it out. But looking the state of our marriage now, and the fact that this affair probably has been going on for a long time I don't feel like it's fixable, but who knows.


Sorry you are here.
Many of us have been there as well!
From what you have posted, she is in a deep physical affair with OM.
Her lying, ILUBNILW speech, distancing, suggesting separate counseling of her choice are the text book signs of affair. How is your sexual life? Drastic change in sexual life is the end result of PA. Try to recollect when the change has started occuring. Most probably tje PA started from then.
It is advisable to collect hard evidences even before you are ready to get the lawyer for serving the papers on her. I also understand that snooping her cell phone and computer is out of question. PI would do this for you. Consider this option.
She has already seen a lawyer and has her exit plans ready. Be now on the guard. 
Collect hard evidences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

expose affair to OM girlfriend.You r going ahead with divorce is good, but dont give them free exit.every action must have consequences.


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## Go Time (Feb 26, 2012)

I do have a feeling that this is a lot more than just a physical thing. The trips to restaurant X and the fact that they seem to have driven her car one time and left his at a park. That time they just seemed to drive randomly around in the country for 1 1/2 hours without stopping for more than 1 minute, until they ended up stopping at the state game area for 20 minutes, then back to the first park, I guess to drop him off. Man, were was the VAR on that one..... dang


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> I don't get serving spouses at work unless that's where the OM/OW works as well. I guess I wouldn't want to hurt them professionally (we both have to work to support the kids).


I utterly disagree with ya Momma. Cheating spouses and their APs need hard, tough sanctions for their infidelities. Exposing his wife to her workplace will send her a hard, embarrasing message that might just shock her out of her affair fog.

Like the others have stated, exposing the affair is the only way to knock out the support structures that each partner has erected to hide what they are doing.

I am sick, sick, sick to death of affair partners walking away from the devastation and ruin their actions have caused without any penalties whatsoever!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Go Time,

We all speak from experience. You are on the right track .A little more concrete evidence wouldn't hurt though.

It truly sucks to be in this position.

Get your ducks lined up and execute. Definitely contact his girlfriend when you are ready to see if she has a clue as well.

Sadly, I think her affair has been going for a while. Your gut 1.5 years ago was right on the money.

Your wife has been gaslighting you for a while now.

Good Luck and Keep Posting. 

You are not crazy. Isn't it amazing that your wayward wife thinks it was a good idea you went to marriage counselling? She is really selfish!!!

Cheaters always are!!

HM64


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Go Time said:


> I do have a feeling that this is a lot more than just a physical thing. The trips to restaurant X and the fact that they seem to have driven her car one time and left his at a park. That time they just seemed to drive randomly around in the country for 1 1/2 hours without stopping for more than 1 minute, until they ended up stopping at the state game area for 20 minutes, then back to the first park, I guess to drop him off. Man, were was the VAR on that one..... dang


It is more.they are having a grand time dating.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> It is more.they are having a grand time dating.


Very true but the reality bus is bearing down on them and they don't have a clue. Everyone they know will think differently about them now.

Don't try to hide it from your kids. If you do they will find out anyway and think you are just a liar too.

The single most important thing to do now is contact OM's girlfriend. Do not keep it from her and be a party to their cheating.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you should get one more nail in the coffin by using the VAR. Your gut is telling you you want more. You mentioned you had enough but also mentioned she was smart. so avoid the manupulation she has in store for you by getting this "last nail' that will validate your next action. Face it the VAR won't take long for you to hear them profess there love ...give it a week. So she gets home in 2 weeks wait 1 week for VAR proof then set plan in motion = 3 weeks total before the sh!t hits the fan.

Again you have enough, but go ahead and take this last step (VAR plant) to confirm the direction you will be heading towards. IMO the VAR is for you...not to catch her. but for confirmation in why you are filling. 

In addition the furture evidence you get the better you can handle the damage control she will start when she gets served. The addittional evidence will prevent you from looking like the bad guy when you expose this to OM gf.

And make no mistake exposing this A to OM girl friend is a must. Please let this women know about the train wreck that will soon hit her. But wait for VAR proof, and off it to OM GF.

So lets recap;
1) she is lying (proven)
2) EA (proven)
3) extent of EA going to PA (not proven)
4) getting a lawyer (check)
5) financially protected (?????)
6) expose to OMGF,family, & employer (waiting for proof)
7) confront WW (waiting for final nail in coffen)

Remember expose then confront WW, and never reveal your source!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The biggest reason you need a smoking gun is that she will lie to everyone, including your sons, when you have her served.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

:iagree:
The smoking gun is the best way to avoid looking like the bad guy when you kick her out!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Make your evidence water tight, follow basically what the guy says in post 33


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing I should add, make no dicision about your marriage until after you confront your wife (step 7). The VAR evidence will me hard to hear and you will want to make some quick dicisions, THIS IS A BIG MISTAKE, wait for the emotions to calm down and you can think straight...it will take a week after you confront her to start eating. Your body will stop shaking with in an hour of confronting her. Just wait give your head a chance to clear then make those hard chooses that will effect you for the rest of your life.

This thing can go in a couple of directions so lets see how the confrontation goes and then make a move.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I utterly disagree with ya Momma. Cheating spouses and their APs need hard, tough sanctions for their infidelities. Exposing his wife to her workplace will send her a hard, embarrasing message that might just shock her out of her affair fog.
> 
> Like the others have stated, exposing the affair is the only way to knock out the support structures that each partner has erected to hide what they are doing.
> 
> I am sick, sick, sick to death of affair partners walking away from the devastation and ruin their actions have caused without any penalties whatsoever!


Okay, I get that now, thanks for the explanation, Bandit.45

I guess I am looking at it from a BS perspective w/ an irrational wayward H and that if he did it to me (I am not cheating) at my work, but my support system I guess would be bolstered up and he'd look horrible. I just worry whenever I see a stranger walking toward me I guess.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Love ya Momma.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

the guy said:


> One more thing I should add, make no dicision about your marriage until after you confront your wife (step 7). The VAR evidence will me hard to hear and you will want to make some quick dicisions, THIS IS A BIG MISTAKE, wait for the emotions to calm down and you can think straight...it will take a week after you confront her to start eating. Your body will stop shaking with in an hour of confronting her. Just wait give your head a chance to clear then make those hard chooses that will effect you for the rest of your life.
> 
> This thing can go in a couple of directions so lets see how the confrontation goes and then make a move.


I agree with this. Don't think too far ahead at the moment. However cool, calm and collected you feel now when you see your wife of 30 years [sorry man, my marriage was 25 years] lie to your face, attempt to cake eat and generally behave like an alien you are going to fall apart.

This is going to be a very long and very hard road and one that you should not rush. After so long with the same person you will miss them like crazy, it won't matter what lies they tell, how much they treat you like a POS, you are going to miss her. She is a vary large part of your life and it will take many, many years to recover from a divorce. 
She will probably talk to you about thinking of you as a family member but that the spark has gone. She almost certainly believes that you have unconditional love and will use that.
It is HER that has made that love conditional. Not you.

I am so sorry for you and your family. Prepare for a rough ride my friend.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

gt,

"the guy" says you body will be shaking for hours (truth)... From my own experience after being betrayed for years... be prepared for much more. A Cheating Spouse is capable of more than your mind can resolve in a few short hours. You think that you know how bad is bad. BE PREPARED.

I initially caught my wife in a "short" (1 month) EA/PA with an old boyfriend she had in college. After talking with her for a few hours it all started to make sense me. I knew that she had been cheating on me for years. The truth trickled out over the next few days. She would of never admitted to all until I started to check old email archives, phone records, GPS Favorite locations loaded into her car GPS. She finally admitted to 3 affairs over a 6+ year stretch. Once a cheater is has violated the vows all, it really doesn't matter to them anymore.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Hey, it is cheaper to become a PI than to hire one. Good luck!!! PM me if you need more details.


James Bond on a budget! Love this sh*t.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

If she's away with him for these 2 weeks, I'm sure a PI for one day would do the trick. Holding hands, intimate dinners together and a night in her or his room.

Very sorry about what is happening, but I'd get to the bottom of it right now (money be damned).


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Beat her to the punch and file away. It takes months to go through and you can always stop the divorce if you do decide to R :sleeping:

If you have enough proof there is no need to wait. Everyone always talks about it's not a good time yet, I'll wait out xx days, weeks, months then do it.

Guess what, they didn't wait that long to take off their clothes and bang the crap out of another person. She didn't say, oh wait, we can't do it today because of my husband and kids, let's put if off for a while.

It's never a good time to file, but it has to be done to save yourself from a person who is toxic at the moment.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Actually if you need more evidence call her up at 1am. Get her on the phone. Then have his girlfriend right next to you call him on his cell. See if you hear his phone ring.

If you hear it, ask her why his phone is ringing in her room?

It is worth a shot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

GT - She told you she wanted to stay together for the kids? Ask her what she'd do if one of their (future) wives did this to them. Ran around being happy while making you miserable for years, instead of just telling you the truth. Get hard proof!!! Your sons are old enough where they'll see who the bad guy is. 

That is much better than any revenge you could seek. In a few years, you'll be with them and, eventually, their children for holidays and birthdays. She'll be persona non-grata. Divorce is one thing - talking years from your life that you could have been healing, preparing for the next stage . . . despicable!


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

First take care of yourself, OP.
When the thoughts of infidelity clog your mind, you are likely to get sick and depressed. The apetite will decrease terribly. The focus withers away.
Losing of weight is very much on the anvil.
Go and see your doctor, someone other than your family doctor.
Do a lot of workout, walk and spend time in reading good stuff.

Try to learn dealing with anger and depression. First.

Take care, buddy.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Her demonizing of you, and putting the mge., down probably coincide with the start up/continuance of her A.

At this point she is almost like a bigamist

I think you would be best to move on thru the rest of your life w/out her----she surely isn't gonna get over him anytime soon, even if she did want to R---He is gonna be a cloud over your life---you don't need that.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

i can see myself in you. It is hard, if not impossible to believe that your wife has gone. It is soul crushing. All those years mean nothing. All that sacrifice and she throws you off the cliff. Your mind will/can't register it. It is not denial. You are aware it is happening, you are acting in the way you always acted. You are doing things, the way you always did to protect her.
She is counting on it. She is counting on you not being able to let go and will continue this affair for as long as she wants safe in the knowledge that you will take her back. This may or not be the case but that is pretty much what she will be thinking..


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Go Time said:


> Part 2
> 
> I started think that there was a good chance that there was someone else.
> 
> ...


I will read on but basically you have your answer.

Pretty much by the time someone gets the ILYBANILWY it is already far along. I would guess though that in many cases there is still something to be done about it. Affairs have to be engaged with urgency. It is chemical and can be escalated in days or hours dramaitcally. There is usually a lead up though to a critical mass.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Go Time said:


> I drove out one night to restaurant X a few weeks ago when it was getting late and she wasn't home. It was dark when I pulled into the parking lot . I saw her car and a car that looked just like the OM's though I don't know his Lic # parked a few cars away. I drove back out and down the street to try and come up with a plan. I decided to drive past on the road again. When I did they were standing outside in front of there cars. Like I said it was dark but I'm 99% sure it was them. I continued down the road and pulled over to text her and ask if she was still working. She didn't respond. Finally got a text almost a hour and a half later saying that yes she was still working and was getting ready to leave.
> 
> My wife is currently gone on another work trip. I went to a lawyer and got the paper work started for a divorce. I want to confront her when she gets back in 2 weeks about it. Do you folks think that I have enough evidence? We are in a no fault state so it doesn't look like it would have any bearing on the divorce but I don't want her to come up with some wild story and leave doubts in my mind that I'm not doing the right thing.


I guess I would have engaged them right then and there. Yeah that would tip my hand. 

Yes. Divorce her. She already told you she is not in love with you and the marriage is just a formality for the kids. You have no marriage. Let her go and move on.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> I utterly disagree with ya Momma. Cheating spouses and their APs need hard, tough sanctions for their infidelities. Exposing his wife to her workplace will send her a hard, embarrasing message that might just shock her out of her affair fog.
> 
> Like the others have stated, exposing the affair is the only way to knock out the support structures that each partner has erected to hide what they are doing.
> 
> I am sick, sick, sick to death of affair partners walking away from the devastation and ruin their actions have caused without any penalties whatsoever!


Yes, this should be exposed at work. I guess I value marriages way more than jobs. This is coming form a guy that puts a huge emphasis on his job.

Not hurting their careers!? What?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

happyman64 said:


> Actually if you need more evidence call her up at 1am. Get her on the phone. Then have his girlfriend right next to you call him on his cell. See if you hear his phone ring.
> 
> If you hear it, ask her why his phone is ringing in her room?
> 
> ...


Nice


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I like it, take your cell, call the OMGF, introduce your self and explain you will have your WW on the house phone soon, and to wait for you WW to pick up the call, then have OMGF call immidiatly as soon as she hears the word "hellow".

I think if you plan it all out you can do it all over the phones. You won't even have to meet up with the OMGF.

Granted there is a risk, that WW won't pick up and OMGF contacts her guy and spills the beans.


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