# That Moment Of Clarity Leaving Your Ex Was For The Best



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Hello everyone!

As the title indicates I had another Eureka moment and lord knows that doesn't happen. About a year ago I wrote a something here about finally forgiving my ex and getting over his numerous infidelities and our false R's I finally felt happy and I let go of the past. Which was incredibly difficult. 

It was the little things that mattered I couldn't listen to certain songs, or watch certain movies due to triggers or they reminded me of him in a negative way. 

Some how with time and being with someone who truly loves my crazy a*** over time I was myself again. 

About a few days ago through the grape vine found out that my ex cheated on his current girlfriend for a long time. He sounds miserable where he lives at. Honestly if I heard about this a year or two years ago I would say HELL yes! Karma bus finally HIT!!!! 

But it is not like that at all. There is sorrow and I feel sorry for him he hasn't changed a bit. All that pain he caused me and the OW he still has not learned his lesson. 

The relief was oh dear god I'm happy I left when I did and my heart goes out to his gf because you just don't wish that kind of pain on anyone. So it got me to thinking I made the right choice and I'm happy that I left. What was your moment of clarity?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

My moment of clarity happened when I exposed my xWW's lies and she responded with anger. She blamed me for everything and demonstrated zero remorse. 

From my perspective. No remorse meant no chance at R. 

My path to D was clear at that time. I have not regretted the decision to D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It was probably about the time I found a third dating profile of his online. And he told me I was "not a happy person" when I called him on it. 

Um, sure.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

My Dday#2. I realized no matter what I did, what she did, we were incompatible.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Thank you for sharing and stopping by workin dad, jelly beans, and broken eric. I really appreciate you all for sharing your expereinces. It is an odd thing how things happen in your life after you have left and the things you find out later.


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## clouded_3953 (Oct 30, 2013)

I wish I had clarity! I am more stuck then I have ever been and I want so bad to move on emotionally. 

I have been separated from my WH for over a year. I moved out Oct 2012 and have been gone since...well physically gone. I can not seem to bring myself to file and I KNOW it has to be done. 

I can't stop doing the crazy things I was doing before I left. Checking emails, phone records, drive by's, questioning him all the time...losing my mind. I don't know if it would make things easier if I stopped listening to what he says about still wanting our marriage to work and thinking there may still be some hope. 

I know deep down somewhere that there is no hope after 10 years of marriage (together 15) and him cheating the entire time. And then continuing the behavior even after I left...no wake up call for him! 

I know that he thinks I will still come back home, especially since I haven't filed after all this time, but I am living in limbo. I have been for years...I think this way of life has become normal for me and it's REALLY taking a toll of me. 

Is this normal? I wish I was strong and could just let it go...

Probably not the right thread to post in...since I clearly haven't found my moment of clarity!


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

No please post here your story matters and what I appreciate you taking the time for sharing your story and I'm sorry you are here. 

We have all been where you are. I have had several false R's and made so many mistakes, begging, crying, pleading, snooping at everything and blowing up all the time I was a ticking time bomb. 

Now granted my ex wasn't helping but it turned me into a person that was not me. A friend of mine gave me the best advice I ever heard, you will know when you had enough. 

You are not there yet and that is ok, you will be and it takes years.. yes years to get to find your "comfort" zone in dealing with infedelity from a WW. You will have it you just have to go through the motions and don't be so hard on yourself you were married and it happened not that long ago. 











clouded_3953 said:


> I wish I had clarity! I am more stuck then I have ever been and I want so bad to move on emotionally.
> 
> I have been separated from my WWH for over a year. I moved out Oct 2012 and have been gone since...well physically gone. I can not seem to bring myself to file and I KNOW it has to be done.
> 
> ...


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Think mine was when i was sitting on the hood of my pick up watching the stars and actually thinking that comitting suicide and dying would end the pain and heartache.

knocked my beer over and bumped my head on the bull bar and suddenly I realized there was greater pain out there than what crap I felt in my head, since then I have been letting go of the past and taking each day as a new.

It works too.

Stopped giving a sh!t about everything and became selfish for a while, everything I did was what I wanted and only because I wanted to, she came to understand how after giving so much and trying to stay happy only made things worse, I got over it, still niggly doubts at times but when you have been hurt as many times as I have you'll understand why.


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## clouded_3953 (Oct 30, 2013)

Thank you Krismimo!

It's really hard for me to think that something isn't wrong with me...I feel crazy 80% of the time.

I CAN NOT seem to follow the 180 and I want to so bad. As soon as I begin, I backslide by questioning him or crying about a lie he told me. I want to do it for me. I want to detach more then anything so that I can move on with my life. 

He has other females that he talks to and I know it. He doesn't even lie about it anymore. He is actually texting and talking to one of them on his personal cell rather then work. He has never done that...he has always had a secret way of contacting them. But...it's driving me insane because I can't stop looking at the phone records. 

He still asks me to stay the night, have lunch, etc... and for a long time I never gave in. Just before Christmas I did, and have gone right back to square one...UGH!


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

clouded_3953 said:


> He has other females that he talks to and I know it. He doesn't even lie about it anymore. He is actually texting and talking to one of them on his personal cell rather then work. He has never done that...he has always had a secret way of contacting them. But...it's driving me insane because I can't stop looking at the phone records.
> 
> *He still asks me to stay the night, have lunch, etc... and for a long time I never gave in. Just before Christmas I did, and have gone right back to square one...*UGH!


There you have your problem!

You are not over it, you want him because you can't have him.

Don't know your story so sorry for this, but WTF is wrong with you? Unless you have kids and need to discuss them then stay the hell away from him, he has already moved on, he's now cake eating your puzzy because you're letting him.

Find a hobby, do something else other than pine after this a$$hole.

Have you filed yet? If not get it done and find another c0ck to ride, go to a swingers party and do some freaky sh!t and stop letting him play you.

The bit in bold says so much about how little self esteem you have, go get your hair done your nails done, go horse riding, bungee jumping, get out and live a life and look for someone else to have fun with, make friends and do it today!!!!


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## Hartbrok (Jul 16, 2013)

clouded, though I understand the harshness from Wranglerman, who's just trying to give you some "tough love", please understand many of us have made the same mistakes you're making, and some of us continue to make them.

Trust me, if I wrote my entire story, where I've pretty much made every bad move possible with my WS, I'd get eaten alive. With good reason. 

I just let her rip my heart out again this very evening....

:banghead:


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

The very moment my ex told me that he had been "emotionally involved" with another woman, my breathing stopped for a few seconds. Do you know how people say that before we die, our entire life 'flashes' before our eyes? It was like that with our 4 year relationship.

For those few seconds, it was as if our entire relationship flashed before my eyes. I remembered how drunk he had been when I first met him, and stayed drunk for 4 months...how he relapsed and stayed drunk for over 8 months...how I had taken care of him during that time and how he NEVER even thanked me for taking care of his house, his child and his bills during that time, nor did he ever apologize for that...how much money I gave him to help him start his business, and how he acted like he "deserved" that money...how many times he looked down on me for being compassionate...how many times he jumped to conclusions about people...how often he judged people wrongly...how little gratitude he had for his clients...how little gratitude he had for his LIFE...how much of a hypocrite he is...how passive-aggressive he is...how he lied numerous times throughout our relationship. 

When he told me he was involved with someone else--and after thinking all those things--the only thing I could say to him was, "When do you want me to move?" 

I had no idea if he was telling me because he wanted to reconcile or break up. But it didn't matter. I realized what a SH*T he had been and how FAKE he was, that _I couldn't get away from him fast enough_. That even if HE would have wanted to reconcile, *I* wouldn't. He was too arrogant to show any humility for ANY wrongdoing he had done in his life. 

I'm coming up on the 2nd "anti-versarry" of Dday the day after Valentine's day. I realize that sad as it is, it never would have worked for very long between us. 

The comfort I get is in realizing that it probably won't work for very long with him and anyone else either, especially with his AP. 

I have the benefit of seeing what he writes online. I saw something he wrote just the other day, and I can safely say that he has not changed his attitude. I'm hoping that someday soon, I simply won't care anymore.

Vega


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Dday. Thank god.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Hartbrok said:


> clouded, though I understand the harshness from Wranglerman, who's just trying to give you some "tough love", please understand many of us have made the same mistakes you're making, and some of us continue to make them.


Yeah, sorry, my bad 

Was a hectic day and when I read how clouded was being played both emotionally and physically I kind of flipped a little.

But my advice stands, go out and live your life knowing what you want, experience new things with new people, not just sex but join a group of guys going mudding in trucks and learn to have fun.

You are sad and dwell because you are not allowing new things into your life to erase the bad and hurt that you feel.

@ Hartbrok, tell your story some time, I can help with some hard love advice when you need it


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## clouded_3953 (Oct 30, 2013)

wranglerman said:


> There you have your problem!
> 
> You are not over it, you want him because you can't have him.
> 
> ...



Wranglerman, You are spot on. I don't think you are being too harsh...I need to hear this!

I felt as though I was doing ok with moving on. I was talking to other people and started to feel ok about going through with D. And then, when I saw that he was in a "serious" relationship...well, maybe not serious but he wasn't hiding her, it really messed me up.

I was having a really hard time around the holidays and just wanted to be comforted. It was the WORST thing to do. He knows he has me back to where he wants me. 
One particular day...he had sex her during the day and then had sex with me that night. That is when my eyes were really opened to the person he is. Even though Im sure he did that kind of stuff our whole marriage...this time I knew he did it.

I do have the worst self-esteem, EVER! And I am only allowing him to have control over me.

We do have kids...13 and 10.

The weekend did go very well either. Though I didn't stay the night or have sex with him, (haven't since the day he sex with her and me) we spent the weekend together with the kids.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Long busy weekend! I appreciate all your responses and I have a few as well! I will reply in a moment just need some coffee!


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## Hartbrok (Jul 16, 2013)

wranglerman said:


> Yeah, sorry, my bad
> 
> Was a hectic day and when I read how clouded was being played both emotionally and physically I kind of flipped a little.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to imply you were being too harsh, I was only letting clouded know that she's not alone when it comes to being played and played again. I had just had a bad day myself. 

Your advice is sound, and kind. I'm trying to take it as well.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

The comfort I get is in realizing that it probably won't work for very long with him and anyone else either, especially with his AP. 

Did we date the same guy?? Because he writes and journals online too! Wow how weird. 

*I have the benefit of seeing what he writes online. I saw something he wrote just the other day, and I can safely say that he has not changed his attitude. I'm hoping that someday soon, I simply won't care anymore.
*

I understand where you are coming from I really do. I never thought I would heal and all the crap they teach you in order to make yourself feel better, the hardest thing was letting go not because it was the "right" thing to do was let it go for MY sanity for me to be happy. 

I'm not going lie women have ego's too and it hurt to be cheated on by someone who liked and loved someone completely different than me, who he actually wanted to be with whom he consider intelligent and a challenge and yet he cheated on her too. And he still cheats he will never appreciate what he has. I get one life, you get one life and I REFUSE to spend it on a failed intellectual stuck in his own failures and no matter who he is with as long as he doesn't own up to his short comings he will never be complete. You will get there one day it takes time. but only when you are ready.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

wranglerman said:


> Think mine was when i was sitting on the hood of my pick up watching the stars and actually thinking that comitting suicide and dying would end the pain and heartache.
> 
> Someone close to me committed suicide last year. He lost the love of his life (She passed away) and he couldn't take it anymore. The worst part about it we all thought he was getting better, he wasn't. This hit home and I'm happy that you got past this or you are getting past this it is so hard to say how much it effects people after some one has passed away especially if they take their own life. Thank you for sharing your story it is beautiful that you decided to give life a second chance.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

When I saw her 5 years later and she had aged 10 years and accumulated 50 lbs.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I was thinking about the responses and as much as WS have betrayed or hurt everyone here, just know it get's better. It is not easy and it is a pain the a** but eventully it will get better.


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