# Is this salvageable?



## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months. We fell hard and fast, a lot of passion, deep connection. She's going through a divorce (they are still working out the settlement agreement). She was separated for several years before filing before we met. She has 2 kids, 17 and 16 who live with her full time. I have 2 kids, 14 and 11. I have my kids on the weekends (every weekend). We spend Monday to Thursday together and she comes over Saturday and we do dinner with the kids...she's amazing with them and they love her.

The weekends are often a problem - she feels very disconnected on the Friday and Sunday and it puts her in a funk. She doesn't hang out with her kids (typical teens in their rooms) and she is...what I would consider a bit needy. I am totally cool with the time apart those days - she is not. She has made it clear it's difficult for her on the weekends knowing we can never really be alone...I am cool leaving them to go do something once in a while, but not all the time, as I only see them the weekend. As I said she's great with the kids but needs more me time on the weekend - to an extent I get it, it's hard for a woman with almost grown kids to be with a guy who can't really ever be totally free on weekends...but that's my reality.

When she's feeling out of touch or needy, she expresses herself in very broad terms - it's all very feeling based and not too much logic (in my viewpoint anyway). Example: "we'll never have a weekend to ourselves" and it's rather dramatic. Of course that's not entirely true - and after it gets heated and we calm down, she'll say "well that's how I FEEL in that moment". She often says "things have stayed the same for you, your routine is so rigid...I've made changes, you have not..."

In many ways this is true...I don't really have any flexibility in terms of the weekend - I have my kids and that's the custody agreement. I'll say "well what do you want to change? What can I do?". She doesn't really have an answer - she just wants to tell me how she "feels"...but the problem is, I get very defensive, and end up saying "I can't change the custody arrangement, what am I supposed to do??"

That makes her angry and she'll say "I never asked you to do that!!". But then I counter, "well, what CAN I do then?" I agreed we could get my folks to take the kids sometimes, leave them at home for a night now and then...my folks have been out of the country for 6 months, and are just back. When she points out that "It's so hard for me to have you all week then nothing, I feel so disconnected and it's hard knowing you're not available"...that sometimes, depending on the tone, makes me angry and defensive...and I admit, when I feel there's nothing I can do about something, but still sort of catch hell for it, I get really angry and indignant. She has a way of pushing my buttons and what I feel is manipulating things in the argument. I'm sure to her, she's not doing that, then all she sees is my anger.

Sidenote: I screwed up a few weeks back - she had a friend coming in who she'd never met in person and was excited for us all to go to dinner. I agreed. Then a few days before I pick up my kids and my daughter immediately jumps in "dad I have a choir performance Wednesday, I can't wait for you to come!!". Like a deer in headlights, I said...oh, ok...(this was the day of the dinner).

Then she comes over and we're all standing around and my daughter tells her about the play - I said, yes, she won't be able to come because she has a dinner date". I immediately knew I had screwed up HUGE...I felt AWFUL. I was totally weak and did not have it in me to say no to my kid. My gf was devastated. I apologized profusely and told her that won't happen again. I get it folks - that was bad. I was and still am very, very sorry. But that has stuck with her. It lost her trust and put her in the backseat...and she was right to be angry and hurt.

She started some heavy medication that makes her sick on Monday and will for about a week until she gets used to it. She expressed being alone and scared and freaked that I wasn't available for her if she needed me. I said I would get my folks to take the kids Friday - she somehow missed this in the text...I corrected her and she ended up saying "well, what if I need you for more than just the one day..." So basically the Friday did not suffice - I get it...but this turned ugly again and now we're locked in this circle - "things stay the same for you, I make all the changes, you won't make changes". Again, I say "what can I change?? I'm locked in a custody agreement, and I WANT to see my kids on the weekend.". 

Of course she keeps referencing the friend date...I get that, I guess I won't live that down - and it did give her reason to question my loyalty and where she stands. Of course this gets my back up and I get defensive. I understand but what more can I do - that was the past.

I told her today I don't want to hear "well you can't be there for me when I need you because you have your kids" and "nothing changes for you, it's all as per" - I said those things make me angry because I can't change it. So stop bringing it up.

I admit I get angry and hot under the collar - she is expressing how she feels, and I am saying but what can I do about it? And I try and solution, as a guy does - but it's not enough.

So, she feels disconnected and not a priority - I feel I can't really do anything about it - she basically, I guess, just wants me to "hear" her...I guess she's not looking for a solution, but just wants me to listen? But I am having a HELL of a time being consistently reminded of things she doesn't like or make her unhappy that I feel I simply can't do anything about.

She gets very...what I feel is gaslighting and manipulative - of course she does not see this, and in turn I get very angry - both unhealthy behaviors. And then it just gets f*cing ugly and goes on for hours or even days. I HATE it. But if I feel indignant, I get very, very lawyer like and it scares her. I can be scary verbally (not like name calling, just like I'm cross examining her) and she hates that.

Anyway - what do I do? Is this fixable? I love her so. Is she too needy and I'm screwed? Or is she reasonable and I'm insensitive? Both? I KNOW I need to control my anger - I need help with that, I seriously can't control it when I feel I'm eating **** when I shouldn't be. My ex wife did that for 15 years and I have a hair trigger for it - DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD WHEN I HAVEN'T DONE WRONG. That's my issue. But I need her to stop making me feel bad for stuff that's out of my control. She doesn't feel she is, she's just "telling you how I FEEL".

I need help here. Are we doomed? What can I do? Please help.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Empathize with her!

Tell her I know this is hard for you but it won't be forever. Plan some evenings on the weekend for some time with just her.

With that said do you really want to spend your life with someone so needy?

Shes showing you who she really is and if it wasn't your kids she would be complaining about something else.

Think long and hard about this...if it was me I'd be out of there in a flash.


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## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

chillymorn69 said:


> Empathize with her!
> 
> Tell her I know this is hard for you but it won't be forever. Plan some evenings on the weekend for some time with just her.
> 
> ...


So that is overly needy you figure, hey? Man - I love her. But yeah...oh man. ****!!!!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

hardwired said:


> Anyway - what do I do? Is this fixable? I love her so. Is she too needy and I'm screwed? Or is she reasonable and I'm insensitive? Both? I KNOW I need to control my anger - I need help with that, I seriously can't control it when I feel I'm eating sh*t when I shouldn't be. My ex wife did that for 15 years and I have a hair trigger for it - DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD WHEN I HAVEN'T DONE WRONG. That's my issue. But I need her to stop making me feel bad for stuff that's out of my control. She doesn't feel she is, she's just "telling you how I FEEL".
> 
> I need help here. Are we doomed? What can I do? Please help.


I don't think there is anything you can do that will improve this situation. You and your girlfriend are at different stages in life. She has young adult children which allow her way more free time than you do with two pre teens. You also have conflicting child custody arrangements. She's also emotionally needy and sounds borderline co dependent. All that together makes for an impossible relationship. 

You are only 9 months into it and already having issues. This should be your honeymoon period where things are rosey and perfect. My opinion is you split up and find people more compatible to each of your family situations. 



Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I agree with chilly that she's showing you who she is.

I don't understand why people knowingly get into these relationships and then complain. 

You actually spend _a lot_ of time together, and instead of being thankful, she complains about your limited weekends with your children.

I think she's being unreasonable. To even suggest that you're not there for her because you're with your children is just so petty and manipulative. 

If it were me, I'd have a heart to heart with her and tell her what you need. 

Tell her what you can give to her, and what you *will* be giving to your children. And where the children are concerned, it's really not negotiable. There were there first, and they need their dad. 

The incident with the friend in town - meh...the children still come first. And as a mom, she should be able to understand that. She's second right now. She's not your wife. 

If she was your wife, I'd say she does come first, but she's not and she doesn't.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

She sounds like a child to me. You see her Monday-Thursday and she has known all along your priorities and obligations. Where is her respect and admiration for that? Your kids won't be this young forever. So basically, she can't be by herself?? She has no interests that she can pursue on the weekends? Red flag of immaturity flying high, IMO.

Maybe I am failing in reading comprehension, but I don't see what you did wrong with the friend situation. Your child had an event. That comes first. Sorry, friend, let's make sure we get together the next time you are in town (which I sense you would say with all sincerity). She won't let it go - even if she had reason to be mad, adults forgive, adjust, correct and move on. 

Bottom line for me: Too needy. Borderline manipulative. Not respectful of your priorities. 

Not sure what all this drama is about screwing up HUGE and then all the feeling guilty is about. Fear she will dump you? I think you are playing into her childish define-me, prove yourself to me games. If you did something wrong, man up and apologize. If she is a keeper, she will forgive and move on. It's not fair to keep bringing these things up.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

hardwired said:


> So that is overly needy you figure, hey? Man - I love her. But yeah...oh man. ****!!!!


This isn’t complicated at all and the only person who has a decision to make is your girlfriend.She has to decide whether she wants to hang around long enough for your kids to not need adult supervision,probably about four years in the case of your youngest.A lot of people are in the same boat.I was in a similar situation when I met my girlfriend,she had a two year old and his needs came first.I could either accept that or move on.I made my decision and have never regretted it and now we have our own child.
Never put any woman ahead of your children.Your kids will not be around forever but there will always be lots of potential partners.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Your children won't be children much longer. You made the right decision to go see your daughter. If your GF can't deal with that, get a better girlfriend. A great girlfriend would have tried to reschedule so she could be with you and your daughter. A good girlfriend would accept it. Only a lame girlfriend tries to drive a wedge between you and your children.


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## msrv23 (Jul 14, 2017)

One thing is important is that you need to keep your boundaries, meaning not giving in if you really can’t or don’t want to. If she is being too needy then this is the only way she can improve herself, if she does care for you.

When I’ve started dating with my husband, at around 20 years old, I wanted to go out more often while he needed more time for himself. Despite he assured me of his feelings he would not give in, and I eventually overcame my own insecurities.
On the other hand I knw cases where the person gives in and the other is like a black hole. Because they have not solved their own insecurity they will just demand more and more assurance.

Your gf is feeling insecure and wants assurance. You can give it by bwing more empathetic while keeping your boundaries. Assure her of your feelings in different ways but keep your boundaries. If she is a keper she will eventually learn to overcome her own insecurities. Although she should be more mature given she is much older than a 20 years old.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

No, this is not salvageable. Your girlfriend is not good relationship material. I think you are seeing this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Whilst I was reading your post, @hardwired, this is what I began to think of your girlfriend:-







[/url]via Imgflip Meme Generator[/IMG]

That attitude is not cute in a child. But it's especially not so in an older woman.

Is this attitude a part of why she got divorced, I wonder?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I don’t understand. You is it that you can’t spend time with your gf AND your kids on the weekends. If she and you kids can’t enjoy the weekend together, it’s a no brainer.
Dump her.

And although o don’t think kids “come first”, I would not miss a big event my child was participating in, just to make my gf happy by going on a dare—— however in this case, you made a commitment to your gf and should have kept it. If your daughter was so looking forward to you coming, she shouldn’t have waited and sprung the news on you. 

Your gf would admire your commitment to being a Dad. She should support you, and participate in your life. If not, bail.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I'm with the people who are saying her behaviour is littered with big red flags. She can't be away from you even for just a few days, even when she's with her own kids at the time? She's using guilt trips to try to manipulate you? She isn't patient and cooperative when it comes to your children? She's trying to get you to prioritize her over your children when you've only known her for less than a year?

You are still in the getting to know each other phase of dating. It takes a couple of years for the cracks to start showing in the facade people put on to be appealing to partners. Don't feel locked in to this relationship and that compromise is expected. You are still just trying her on for size and figuring out if there is long-term compatibility. If she and your children and their schedule are not compatible, tell her once and for all that you cannot and will not change that priority, and she can decide how she wants to deal with that, be it making her own compromises, or breaking up.

However, her venting may very well just be venting, and not asking for you to fix anything. Don't ask her what you can do to change things. Don't change things. Just listen and nod, and give her platitudes like 'yeah, I know it's hard for you, thanks for being understanding though.'






Though it seems to me that she IS hoping to convince you to change your life to accommodate her, without asking outright. And that's dangerous to give in to. Hold your boundaries.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The problem as I see it from my underground bunker at ~8143 miles...away.
This, the distance as the crow flies. With a jet pack attached to his epoxyed down, feathered backside.

Your GF is an airship, an air bladder. And she has a hole in her side. She leaks.
Leaks air, leaks flapping butterflies. 

She needs to be constantly puffed up. Held up, held aloft, lest she collapse.

Her last inflater, her last man, her EX, ran out of wind. She stole it from him.

She cannot breathe on her own. She needs a ventilator, she needs you.

And she needs to vent, empty her spleen, breathe out her sour words.

She does not need a husband, she needs a male nurse.

Sorry, let her go. 

She is a troubled soul. A wounded lady. 

Life is too short for faux tragedy . 

She is yet married, she is wedded to melodrama.
You, OP, are amenable to Mellow-Drama.




King Brian- formerly, a Leprechaun from Ireland.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

DRAMA QUEEN.

she looses her mind and you feel like a major jerk because of conflicting dates for an event for your daughter versus an event for her? that's a MISTAKE and one that is probably NORMAL with blended families and all that goes with it.

you think her neediness is bad now? give it more time and commitment and you will see she expects to be the center of the universe.

god luck with that.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Listen guys, I don't think we should band too hard on the GF. 

I understand how it feels for her, I have one like that. Now, if she gets too needy and too unreasonable you can let her go. 

And come on, you could get a sitter, and take her out alone to dinner and a show, then a nice hotel for fun time. Have a great breakfast and then go to your place. That is really not too much to ask, do you think. 

I get your points as well and they are valid. But you could do the above a couple of times a month and she might be ok. 

I have a similar situation, not as bad, but similar. I still have my 21 YO at home, he is in collage and has another year. I made the deal with all of the kids, if you are in school you can live here rent free til you are done. 

Her kids have been out of the house for 10 years. I also have a grandbaby that I baby sit usually one night every other week end. 

Now, we are deeply in love and cannot get enough of each other and we want to be together all the time. 

But, she has another year that she wants to teach, and it is really too soon for her to move in with me yet. Even if it was long enough for us to live together, it would not be practical for her to drive to her school for her last year of teaching. 

So we are stuck. And to make matters worse, we are at the point where neither of us can sleep as well without the other in bed with us. And it does not matter if I am at hers or she is at mine. 

Some of this stuff, you just have to work through. 

But look here, the anger thing, man you have to get over that whether you stay with her or not. I get it, I can get that way as well. But at this stage of life, man we have to learn to chill when necessary. You know????


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

One word OP.

RUN!


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, move on. Your girlfriend is not for you. She is way too needy & way too jealous. She will be nothing, but a headache for you. She is not the right one for you.


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## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

Wow, a whole lot of "run forest run".

A few things I should clear up, maybe these won't make a difference as to anyone's opinion...

98% of the time things are wonderful. We talked a lot this weekend, and she assured me that it's not the Friday to Sunday schedule with my kids that is a problem for her, but rather that we will never have time with just the 2 of us on a weekend. That my schedule is "so rigid and set in stone" that we'll never be able to go out on a weekend. I told her no, that's not true, I would be willing, once in a while, to have my folks take them or have my son man the house if we wanted to go out for an evening - but that this would be occasionally, not the norm. This made her feel better and she seemed cool with that.

It's also important to point out how amazing she is with my kids...when they've gone through a rough time (usually to do with unhappiness at their mom's, or feeling sad about having a broken family)...my kids won;t open up to me about that - they are trying to protect me. But they open up to her...she has spent, on a couple occasions, 1.5 to 2 hours with them, one on one, talking with them. She then comes and tells me what's going on...it's amazing how comfortable they are opening up to her. She's very, very kind to them. The other day she brought a bunch of bins to my house and spent a couple hours with my daughter helping her organize her room (she's super messy/disorganized). She brings them food, fruit, healthy snacks, stuff for their room...my kids adore her. My daughter will sit on her lap and they'll just cuddle. It's really sweet and warms my heart.

She's also been really sick this past week - she has Lyme disease and started this regimen of twice weekly shots of penicillin in her butt, for 5 months. She was told by the Dr that she'd be really sick for a week at least - she's had fever, vomiting, really sore joints, messed up vision and confusion. She's scared, and wasn't well enough to come over. 

The thing is, I haven't been this happy, ever (obviously save for the times we've had this strife). She's compassionate and loving...and has been helping me with kid stuff, doing things a mom/wife would do, as she knows as a guy I'm clueless about a lot of stuff. She really has made the house and life better for me and the kids. When I get anxiety or a bit depressed, she's super compassionate and tuned in and wants to help me - same with my kids.

Re: the play thing...I put myself in her shoes, and I get it. I made a commitment to her, and then I flat out broke it without even consulting with her. Shoe on the other foot, that would have upset me, absolutely. 

I also get the concern over thinking we'll never have any alone time on a weekend...I tell her we will, that I'll occasionally arrange for that...but as she pointed out, in 9 months that hasn't happened, once. 

A lot of it with her seems to be, she "is just telling me how she feels". She reiterated to me - she would never expect me to change my custody schedule, she understands my obligation and that I'm a good dad and knows the reality of my weekends...but that sometimes that is hard for her, and sometimes she needs to express it. My reaction is very much, I don't want to hear it, there's nothing I can do about it, so stop bringing it up. Her response is, she should be able to tell me when something is bothering her. My immediate reaction is to be indignant and very angry. This of course gets her back up immediately and it falls from there.

I am absolutely guilty of having a hair trigger with this stuff. And I think, I _know_ if I were to do as Hopeful Cynic said ("However, her venting may very well just be venting, and not asking for you to fix anything. Don't ask her what you can do to change things. Don't change things. Just listen and nod, and give her platitudes like 'yeah, I know it's hard for you, thanks for being understanding though.") - things would be a lot better. I think a huge component of it is, she just wants to let me know sometimes it's challenging for her, and that she is afraid there's zero flexibility...and when she does that, I rage. Which I am now actively trying to work on NOT doing. I think if I were to just say, "I understand how you feel", and then actually DO take her out once in a while on a weekend, things would be fine.

The problem, as she has said, is that I've SAID that, but never actually done it. My folks insisted that next weekend, they take the kids and we go to the mountains for the weekend. They said it's vital for us as we haven't done that, ever. She is excited about that.

She also admitted to feeling a bit crazy and irrational these past few days, feeling scared and vulnerable and just plain ill. 

I am not ready to just dump her...I think I'd like to try first to change my reaction when she brings up a concern...realize she's not trying to get me to change custody, just needs to be heard, and make a point of taking her out the occasional weekend evening. 

Is that not reasonable to try first before just running away? Change my reaction from righteous indignation to just listening and understanding, sticking to my boundaries and not sacrificing being what I feel is a good dad, but at the same time make an effort to once in a while to take her out on a weekend? And see how it goes? And if that's not good enough, well, it just ain't gonna work?


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## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> Listen guys, I don't think we should band too hard on the GF.
> 
> I understand how it feels for her, I have one like that. Now, if she gets too needy and too unreasonable you can let her go.
> 
> ...


This all seems very reasonable to me.

And yes, I agree 100% on the anger thing. It's a problem. My problem.


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## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

We had a long talk last night - I laid everything out on the table. I told her I couldn't really move forward until we got some things straight and sorted out. I said I understood that we haven't done anything on a weekend in 9 months, and that even though I've said we could occasionally, we haven't and I get that she was basing her concerns on that. I said I'd be willing to have my folks take them once in a while, or have my son man the house once in a while so we could do something, but "occasionally" was the operative word - that they are my children, and that's my time. I said I needed to know what her expectations were regarding frequency, and that I wasn't going to do anything that made me feel anything less than a good dad.

She was cool with this, and actually said "I'm not needy...I just need to know it's not 100% locked down and that we can't ever go out, that there's a little flexibility there". It went really well. She also brought up that she felt at the beginning I was much more available to text or chat on the weekend and that seems to be locked down now as well...that she misses that and feels she can't reach out to me except for certain times. I said look, I work all week, see you on the evenings, and come the weekend, I have things I want and need to do - for myself. Be it laundry, making music or just watching TV. You can reach out if you need me or it's important and I'll make myself available.

Basically she said she just needs to know I'm willing to be a little flexible and once in a while arrange for us to be alone on a weekend, even if just for a couple hours here and there. She also reiterated she would never ask me or want me to change the actual arrangement and that I can always talk to her like we did last night and she'll always listen, never get angry or put off, etc.

It was a really positive and productive talk and we understood each other.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

hardwired said:


> We had a long talk last night - I laid everything out on the table. I told her I couldn't really move forward until we got some things straight and sorted out. I said I understood that we haven't done anything on a weekend in 9 months, and that even though I've said we could occasionally, we haven't and I get that she was basing her concerns on that. I said I'd be willing to have my folks take them once in a while, or have my son man the house once in a while so we could do something, but "occasionally" was the operative word - that they are my children, and that's my time. I said I needed to know what her expectations were regarding frequency, and that I wasn't going to do anything that made me feel anything less than a good dad.
> 
> She was cool with this, and actually said "I'm not needy...I just need to know it's not 100% locked down and that we can't ever go out, that there's a little flexibility there". It went really well. She also brought up that she felt at the beginning I was much more available to text or chat on the weekend and that seems to be locked down now as well...that she misses that and feels she can't reach out to me except for certain times. I said look, I work all week, see you on the evenings, and come the weekend, I have things I want and need to do - for myself. Be it laundry, making music or just watching TV. You can reach out if you need me or it's important and I'll make myself available.
> 
> ...


That really sounds positive. It sounds like you both did a good job.

I really want to recommend that you remember this talk should really be a model for your relationship. And isn't it better to have a calm talk and listen to each other instead of getting pissed off. 

And I wanted to tell you something about the anger, that breaks my heart. My 21 YO collage son that still lives at home had a bit of a freak out Monday night so we had a sit down last night and discussed it, and our relationship. 

While we talked about a lot of things but one thing he said was the when he was young, he remembered being afraid of me and that was because of my anger. And he was right, at that time of his life I was angry. I have learned to deal with my anger over the years, but he was right I was scary at that time. 

But what he did not know was why I was angry. And while you can never make excuses for bad behavior sometimes it helps to understand. 

His mother was mentally ill basically the whole time we were married. I was young and did not know how to handle it or how to help her. 

Besides that, she had an affair right after my oldest daughter was born. And another one at about 9 years of marriage. I was too young to understand what I should have done (Divorce), and too young to know how to deal with her issues and her mental health problems. 

And yes, I was angry and loosing my mind, but none of my children had any idea what was going on. How would they, I tried to hide their mothers behavior from them, take care of her, and keep every alive and safe. 

While doing this, I was angry and they never understood why. 

To learn this broke my heart to understand that he felt this way. And it broke his heart for him to actually understand what was going on with his mother and me at the time. 

The point is sometimes the kids only see the anger and they never understand why, so we have to learn to deal with it in a healthy way.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You haven't even begun to have reached the honeymoon phase of your intended relationship and your mutual problems are already abounding!

At this juncture, if you're really serious about saving it in any way, please seek out marriage counseling (MC) ASAP!*


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## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> That really sounds positive. It sounds like you both did a good job.
> 
> I really want to recommend that you remember this talk should really be a model for your relationship. And isn't it better to have a calm talk and listen to each other instead of getting pissed off.
> 
> ...


Thanks BP - we talked even more last night. I think the biggest issue is actually just the communication...which the overwhelming majority of the time, we're great at. We talked about how we each respectively bring in crap from our old marriages. I have a hair trigger when it comes to perceiving being criticized for something I feel is unjust (my ex spent 15 years accusing me of cheating on her, when I never even came close to doing so), and she had a husband who, know matter what or how serious it was, would never even acknowledge her. SO I have this knee jerk reaction of indignation and anger, and she hyperbolizes and gets dramatic because she doesn't feel she'll be heard. We both agreed to work on leaving that stuff in the trash.

That's heartbreaking about your son and ex-wife. It seems you have a good grasp on things now and have mellowed significantly. Good on ya.


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