# wife unappreciative says i am too



## adad (Sep 1, 2010)

hope you all can give me good advice. i am more involved in my childrens lives than most dads because of my work schedule. often i find i am doing so much for my kids, and in general my wife seems real lazy. i say this because i see other moms with small kids like ours doing all kinds of activities, while my wife doesnt seem to do much other than handle all the shopping and cook dinners. i dont get appreciation for all i do and its a sore topic, since she feels i dont appreciate what she does and gets angry when i bring up the topic. so please dont advise me to just talk it out with her, since the ugliness that comes out of that isnt worth the effort to correct the situation. i dont want to list out all i do, but even though she's busy everyday, i dont get the sense shes using her time constructively, since she doesnt do nearly as much as i see other wives doing. how should i handle this? should i pull back quietly so shes forced to take on more? should i simply show her appreciation verbally from time to time?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

"since the ugliness that comes out of that isn't worth the effort to correct the situation"

So....how do you want to correct it, then? Talking, communication of any form, is key to making any relationship work and resolving any problem. If you two aren't appreciative of each other, then change that. Start showing appreciation. If you feel that you do show appreciation, then you have to talk to her to explain what you do that you think shows that. And vice versa. 

But honestly, if you don't talk, nothing will ever get resolved. It might get ugly, and you know her better than any of us strangers, so if you say it will, I'm sure you're right. But won't it be uglier, and harder on your kids if you say nothing, and resentment builds until you two can't stand each other anymore and you get divorced?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hmmmmm.....Yeah, it's probably going to get ugly. Well, let's look at this another way and perhaps get more information. What exactly are you doing with the kids? And do you appreciate that your wife does the shopping and cooks? And how is your wife's work schedule?

That's nice your schedule allows you to spend more time with the kids. My estranged husband used to have that luxury too. The only problem was that I spent my days cleaning, cooking, shopping, yard work, etc. And while I was doing all of those things, he and the kids were glued to the video games. Let's hope this isn't what's going on here.


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## adad (Sep 1, 2010)

i am the one who takes my kids out for anything enriching as well as outdoor activities. i also am the one whose concerned that their time is spent constructively, whereas when we're all home, my wife just ignores them and lets them run around and get out of hand because she doesnt understand that they need to be engaged in something. she rarely reads to them, where i do regularly. 

she does house work, but she doesnt work, so she's at home everyday. she just doesnt have many interests, so in addition to her being boring to me, she doesnt want to get out and do fun stuff with the kids and me. so i end up taking them out myself.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You think she's lazy, boring, and disinterested in her own kids and she knows very well that you feel this way about her. Now, why would she not race to jump in the car to go on an outing with you?


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

Change the environment at home. 

For starters encourage your wife to get a half-day job. 

It will expand her communication circle, bring in more money and give you an opportunity to adapt or create boundaries in your marriage. A spin off is you both agreeing the accountabilities of tasks and aligning the behaviours to each other and your children 

Within these change you can subtly make changes to yourself and the way you deal with your wife, this in turn will cause her to change.

Whilst I do not see a hint of an affair there is a book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley that makes good reading for any marriage.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

unbelievable said:


> You think she's lazy, boring, and disinterested in her own kids and she knows very well that you feel this way about her. Now, why would she not race to jump in the car to go on an outing with you?


LOL!

Since I was at one time an exhausted SAHM, I would like to hear your wife's side of the story. I detect a very negative tone towards your wife, so I believe there is just more to the story. I also wonder how many children and their ages. The bottom line is that the two of you are going to have to reach a balance. Since you can't even communicate on the subject, is counseling a possibility?


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## heatherlindsay (Sep 1, 2010)

I wouldn't say anything to her just yet.
It could be that she enjoys watching how good of a father you are with your kids. I mean that could be a part of it. 

Next time she makes an effort to do something with the kids compliment her on it.

If you dont notice an improvement after this, sit down and ask her what happened. Tell her you used to feel like you were a "team" but you havn't noticed any "team effort" lately from her side. If she starts getting defensive cut her off in mid sentence and say "you heard my peice now its up to you if you want to make some effort.

Dont acknowledge her if she has anything to say in her defense, you know what your saying is right. 

Only tell her, you know she is there for the family in other ways, but tell her she just needs to make a bit of an improvement with the kids. If she knows you feel alone in this she might start to help out.


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