# Medication has stopped working wife doesn't want to be married anymore....?



## manlyman (May 25, 2011)

My wife has struggled with anxiety for almost all of our marriage. With all couples we have had our ups and downs. Recently the medication has stopped working and my wife has been in a tail spin for the past six months or so. Now she has thoughts of ending out marriage because she isn't happy. She finally said that she would be better on her own and that she was sick of Everyone telling her what to do. Along with the medication not working has come the thoughts of running away from it all. Currently we are living separately and I am giving her time to figure out herself. I am worried that she might do something to cause her more pain. She has started on new medication, so I know that it can take some time. I am just struggling seeing my wife be someone she is not. I love her dearly, but I don't know who she is anymore. Is there hope and is her anxiety really the issue here? I know marriage is tough with ups and downs but does she really truly feel this way about us? I am so confused and hurt by some of the things said and done to negatively affect out marriage. I have hope that this is all a matter of getting on the right medication, but at the same time discouraged and unclear about what she really wants and means. I know she loves and appreciates me but there are those days that she says its all a lie! HELP????


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

It sounds as though the chemical aspect of her condition and the fact that the meds aren't working is causing you to want to believe this isn't her. I don't blame you. 

Is she also saying "I really need a better treatment program because without it I keep saying things I don't mean..." or is she pretty sure the lack of medication has brought her to her senses about you and her relationship?


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## BulletProof (May 27, 2011)

I can totally relate to some of what you're going through. My fiancee has recently revealed to me she is no longer happy, however she is not on any meds, although I feel she may need a mood stabilizer. Recently she told me she hates me, does not love me nor care for me, even though I have never done ANYTHING to deserve being told that. I have been supportive of her through everything she has gone through (a horrific pregnancy where she was EXTREMELY sick for 9 months, problems at her job, etc). We are currently co-existing under the same roof for my daughters sake, but I'm hoping she will come around and realize her priorities are screwed up, and realize what she has. She has started going out a lot, spending the night out and whatnot, and just outright ignoring my existence. She says she is not happy and she does not know who she is anymore since the baby was born. She is unhappy having been couped up in the house for the last 2 years, and wants to go out and do her own thing now. It is extremely hard, so I totally understand how you're feeling right know, especially with the fact that you still love her, and I still love mine. Just hang in there, I know it isn't easy, and hopefully they'll both snap out of it. Sometimes hope is all you have to keep you going. IN my case, my daughter, and the thought of one day having my family back is what keeps me going.


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## bs193 (Jan 2, 2011)

manlyman said:


> My wife has struggled with anxiety for almost all of our marriage. With all couples we have had our ups and downs. Recently the medication has stopped working and my wife has been in a tail spin for the past six months or so. Now she has thoughts of ending out marriage because she isn't happy. She finally said that she would be better on her own and that she was sick of Everyone telling her what to do.


I had gone through this exact experience with my wife, What I learned is the biggest challenge with a spouse who suffers from anxiety/depression is being able, and willing, to differentiate between her condition and true feelings of unhappiness. You seem so sure the problem is due to her meds not working. I held this same attitude for years, only to learn the painful truth - it wasn't the meds or her condition that resulted in her unhappiness. It was the relationship, specifically, the controlling dynamics in the relationship. If it weren't for the meds and her condition, I probably would have seen the truth long ago. Question - does she ever accuse you of being controlling? Do you discount this because your views of a controlling spouse is someone that barks orders and demands, and you don't fit this stereo type?

My advice - talk to her but let her do the talking. Allow her to tell you her thoughts and feelings and listen to what she is saying - do not interrupt her. DO NOT discount anything she tells you by believing "its not really her, its just her off her meds". Trust me, I know it is difficult to imagine that you may actually play a huge part in her unhappiness, and even be a source of the anxiety, but you need to keep an open mind here. You can very easily end up losing her by focusing on false assumptions as to the cause of her unhappiness.

I had convinced myself for years that my wife's unhappiness was directly related to her meds not working. When she told me she wasn't happy and wanted to leave, I blew it off as being just the "anxiety and depression talking". I told myself it was a phase that would pass, and often thought it did. Truth was, the "phase" didn't pass, she just got fed up trying to tell me and withdrew, only to find the strength later to try to tell me again, and again, me thinking it was another phase.

I could sit here and type out all the advice in the world and share all my experience with you, as well as what we did to repair our marriage. It would be a waste of my morning if you are not ready to open yourself up to the possibility that your wife is truly unhappy with your marriage and no prescription is going to change that.

Good luck.


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