# New User, struggling with fiancé staying out late



## SleeperGal

Hello! I am brand new to this forum, and am hoping to have some good dialogue with you all as well as get some good advice! Just a little background, my fiancé and I have been together 7 years, getting married late this summer. We are in our early 30’s, and he’s 2 years younger than I. I have a grade school age son from a previous marriage. We have owned a home together for 5 years now, and been engaged for about a year. My issue is the amount of time he likes to spend out late with his friends. He has several close guy friends he’s known since grade school, they all still live in the same town and most of them are single and without children. They still like to party and stay up until 2-3 am. It bothers me for a few reasons. One, as much as I try not to, I take it personally that he doesn’t want to be home with me. Two, my son knows he leaves and I don’t want him to think it’s normal for a father to stay out late while Mom stays home. Third, I know he drinks a lot when he’s with the guys and I worry about him driving home. I don’t sleep much when he does this, which depending on the week is 2-3 nights a week. They typically hang out at one of the other guys’ homes, don’t do bars very often. We’ve had this discussion many times over and he simply doesn’t understand why I care. If I have to work and will be going to bed before him, what difference does it make if he’s home or not? His friends are important and it takes time and effort to maintain those friendships, so that’s what he’s going to do. Oh also, I didn’t mention that he travels for his job so he’s not home every night like someone with a 9-5 job. He’s gone 12-16 days of the month depending on his schedule. I personally see friends maybe 3-4 times a month (I don’t schedule anything when my son is with me), and on the weekends we’re both off work either we do things one on one or he invites me with him if he’s wanting to go out with friends. He’s affectionate and loving, gives me no reason to believe he’s misbehaving when he’s out, I just don’t like it and I can’t make it stop bothering me 😖. What I would like to determine, is if I’m being selfish with him and insecure to take it personally since he is gone a lot, or am I reasonable in my desire or expectation for my soon-to-be husband to not stay out until 3am partying on a regular basis? I don’t want to be unreasonable, but I’m having a very hard time just accepting that this is how it’s going to be. Any thoughts you have to offer are appreciated! Thank you.


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## Andy1001

SleeperGal said:


> Hello! I am brand new to this forum, and am hoping to have some good dialogue with you all as well as get some good advice! Just a little background, my fiancé and I have been together 7 years, getting married late this summer. We are in our early 30’s, and he’s 2 years younger than I. I have a grade school age son from a previous marriage. We have owned a home together for 5 years now, and been engaged for about a year. My issue is the amount of time he likes to spend out late with his friends. He has several close guy friends he’s known since grade school, they all still live in the same town and most of them are single and without children. They still like to party and stay up until 2-3 am. It bothers me for a few reasons. One, as much as I try not to, I take it personally that he doesn’t want to be home with me. Two, my son knows he leaves and I don’t want him to think it’s normal for a father to stay out late while Mom stays home. Third, I know he drinks a lot when he’s with the guys and I worry about him driving home. I don’t sleep much when he does this, which depending on the week is 2-3 nights a week. They typically hang out at one of the other guys’ homes, don’t do bars very often. We’ve had this discussion many times over and he simply doesn’t understand why I care. If I have to work and will be going to bed before him, what difference does it make if he’s home or not? His friends are important and it takes time and effort to maintain those friendships, so that’s what he’s going to do. Oh also, I didn’t mention that he travels for his job so he’s not home every night like someone with a 9-5 job. He’s gone 12-16 days of the month depending on his schedule. I personally see friends maybe 3-4 times a month (I don’t schedule anything when my son is with me), and on the weekends we’re both off work either we do things one on one or he invites me with him if he’s wanting to go out with friends. He’s affectionate and loving, gives me no reason to believe he’s misbehaving when he’s out, I just don’t like it and I can’t make it stop bothering me 😖. What I would like to determine, is if I’m being selfish with him and insecure to take it personally since he is gone a lot, or am I reasonable in my desire or expectation for my soon-to-be husband to not stay out until 3am partying on a regular basis? I don’t want to be unreasonable, but I’m having a very hard time just accepting that this is how it’s going to be. Any thoughts you have to offer are appreciated! Thank you.


I swear when I read your first couple of sentences I thought my fiancée was posting on tam.We are together seven years,in our early thirties and she has a grade school age son.Phew....
We also live together but we have a daughter as well as her son.I also have to travel for work but when possible she joins me and we are in London as I write.
This situation does not bode well for the future,he is gone half the time for work and spends two or three nights a week with his friends.So out of a thirty day month he may spend as few as six nights alone with you at home.I spent a lot of time traveling as a young man and this behavior of his is exactly what I did.Travelling for weeks at a time and then spending every night I was at home partying.The thing is I wasn’t in a relationship at the time.
I obviously don’t know you or him but I would be very surprised if he isn’t cheating,either when he is with his buddies or when he is traveling.
Do you actually get any time for a sex life or could this be a reason he doesn’t want to be alone with you.


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## SunCMars

Andy1001 said:


> I swear when I read your first couple of sentences I thought my fiancée was posting on tam.We are together seven years,in our early thirties and she has a grade school age son.Phew....
> We also live together but we have a daughter as well as her son.I also have to travel for work but when possible she joins me and we are in London as I write.
> This situation does not bode well for the future,he is gone half the time for work and spends two or three nights a week with his friends.So out of a thirty day month he may spend as few as six nights alone with you at home.I spent a lot of time traveling as a young man and this behavior of his is exactly what I did.Travelling for weeks at a time and then spending every night I was at home partying.The thing is I wasn’t in a relationship at the time.
> I obviously don’t know you or him but* I would be very surprised if he isn’t cheating,either when he is with his buddies or when he is traveling.*
> Do you actually get any time for a sex life or could this be a reason he doesn’t want to be alone with you.


Too soon for the long knives.
Too soon for making this short-sighted knave a cheater.

When young, I had friends like him, like this.

I outgrew these friends, your fiance' has not.

Keep up the pressure.
Not by nagging, just keep pressing on his Epiphany button.
The one that Maydays his conscience.


The Typist II- from his notes in the CC.


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## BluesPower

He is immature that is the bottom line.

You would rather him want to stay and home, maybe help with the kids, and hey, maybe we could even have sex. 

But the thing is, he still things he is a kid and he wants to party all the time. 

Honestly, there are people that never, ever get out of high school. I don't know why, but I have seen it so many times. 

Now I like to party, me and GF go out quite a bit, but you know, sometimes we just want to hand out a chill at home. And sometimes I have to go an play somewhere and she may be tired or want to stay home herself. That is cool but it is not all the time. 

It is not a big deal if he wants to party with the guys even once a week, but 3 nights a week would be to much even for me, and I like to party. 

The question is, what are you going to do about it. If you have kids it is more difficult. 

When you talk again, explain that you want more time alone with him, and you want him around more because it make you happy when he is there. Don't take that tact that "you are partying too much and I don't like it". 

If he does not wake up and put you first, then you may need to end the relationship...


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## Andy1001

SunCMars said:


> Too soon for the long knives.
> Too soon for making this short-sighted knave a cheater.
> 
> When young, I had friends like him, like this.
> 
> I outgrew these friends, your fiance' has not.
> 
> Keep up the pressure.
> Not by nagging, just keep pressing on his Epiphany button.
> The one that Maydays his conscience.
> 
> 
> The Typist II- from his notes in the CC.


I have a gay friend and she calls guys like this; who always want to be with their buddies “Bromantics”
She says the motto of the Bromantics is never leave your buddies behind.


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