# Good read. Especially for those thinking of cheating.



## beenbetrayed (Oct 11, 2011)

Something I came across:

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!


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## goshjosh (Mar 23, 2013)

Very well put. 
As someone very wise told me: Love is a verb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeartWontHeal (Apr 8, 2013)

Thank you for sharing and this is so true. Just wish I would have had this knowledge before I had an affair and looked elsewhere for fulfillment. It would have saved a lot of heartache.


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

I know I will be shot down here, but I just disagree with this. Hopefully I will be allowed to make a comment for discussion rather than being reviled.

Taking the authors words as written, then you can learn to love anyone. After all, if we overlook the differences because we are in love, it holds that we can potentially fall in love with completely the wrong person. Then when the initial love fades, all we have to do is learn to love what we have. Doesn't make sense to me.

We fall in love and the idiosyncrasies are cute, then they fade. But what if that involves fundamental beliefs, such as religion, shared responsibilities, or foundational sensibilities such as politeness, kindness, empathy, or sympathy.

What about, early on, when your husband or wife fails to be on time for dinner repeatedly - very cute - in the beginning. But what about when that turns into, later in years, failing to get the kids out of bed for school on-time, repeatedly. When that trait turns to be procrastination in paying bills, or looking after family members.

I just don't agree with the premise of the statements made by the author. It sounds too idealistic, and very unrealistic.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

PastOM said:


> I know I will be shot down here, but I just disagree with this. Hopefully I will be allowed to make a comment for discussion rather than being reviled.
> 
> Taking the authors words as written, then you can learn to love anyone. After all, if we overlook the differences because we are in love, it holds that we can potentially fall in love with completely the wrong person. Then when the initial love fades, all we have to do is learn to love what we have. Doesn't make sense to me.
> 
> ...


Yes. I think not falling into a rut goes a long way in staying happy in a relationship. If you think you need something new, do something new with your spouse/SO. And not just in the bedroom, but also in your every day lives.

If you two haven't gone to the movies in 3 years, catch a show. If you haven't held hands in public, the next time you're out shopping, or doing something normal, an every day event, grab your wife's/husband's hand and hold it tight for as long as you're able. 

This one, I use to do in the first 10 years of my relationship with my ex-wife. Even if we weren't getting along that well at that particular time. I think it made her realize that she was just as important to me at that moment than when we were first dating.

Some where along the way, I started to miss opportunities to do this(amongst other things) and I feel that this was just one more thing that turned the tides against us staying happy together. I know it seems like something small, but it adds up.

Don't ever stop doing these, seemingly, small things for the love of your life. They matter as much as doing something new and different.


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