# Is my husband gay?



## LovePink (Apr 23, 2014)

Hi, I'm new as of today. I am really needing some advice on something that I do not feel comfortable discussing even with my closest friend. I'm 23 my husband is 29. Before I say anything else, my husband does not in anyway come off as if he would be gay but he was a virgin until he met me when he was 26 which to me isn't weird, I appreciated it. I thought it was a nice surprise. 

About 10 months into our relationship and being pregnant with our first we were living together and I was working part time. One day he offered to drive me to work and pick me up. The next day I went through his phone because of issues we had while we were dating he had been talking to an ex so I was just paranoid. I checked his email and there was a Post/Edit/Delete email in his folder from craigslist. I clicked on it and it brought me to an ad basically my now husband, then fiance looking to service a man orally, wanting pics, and size preference & also saying he had to be done by 4pm which I had gotten off that day @ 5pm. Now, there were no other replies sent or recieved but I confronted him about it and I feel let it slide way too easily. He basically explained that it was just a fantasy and he was masturbating and posting that ad added to the masturbation...idk. My gut tells me he actually thought about doing it and then changed his mind quickly and deleted it. 

Another thing is kind of at random he went and bought a strap on. Now I had told him once that I sometimes thought it was hot when girls wear strap ons and use on OTHER girls in porn but he wanted me to use the strap on on him. I did a few times, and I'm just going to say he took it well lol. 

Then it hit me that it was weird, and I didn't really want to do my man...I want my man to bang me! So I started to get a little turned off by him sexually.

Sometimes I will give him a blow job or hand job to porn if I don't feel like having actual sex....and I noticed that he gets really turned on during the blow job scenes and it seems like that's what he is cool with just watching. I'm not even a man and if I am going to watch porn then I like to see a beautiful woman & body...not a bj. IDK its weird. Last night we watched one while I performed oral and I was joking when I saw "African Blow Job" and said Oh lets watch this one...he always lets me pick the video, but he seemed cool with watching that one so I'm like Okay.....

Am I just being paranoid? Or do you think there is a chance he is at least curious? I have asked him before and he says he is not. But all the signs point to...


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

You're paranoid and he's kinky. Nothing more.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Confused maybe...

Men can enjoy being anally penetrated and not be gay. Being gay means he is sexually attracted to other men. Liking anal penetration is not a requirement to being gay because there are lots of gay men who have never been anally penetrated. I know it sounds tricky.

The fact that your H has a fantasy about sucking c*** and being anally penetrated doesn't mean he is gay. 

How does he react and respond to you? How does he show passion and desire for you?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

LovePink said:


> About 10 months into our relationship and being pregnant with our first we were living together and I was working part time. One day he offered to drive me to work and pick me up. The next day I went through his phone because of issues we had while we were dating he had been talking to an ex so I was just paranoid. I checked his email and there was a Post/Edit/Delete email in his folder from craigslist.* I clicked on it and it brought me to an ad basically my now husband, then fiance looking to service a man orally, wanting pics, and size preference & also saying he had to be done by 4pm which I had gotten off that day @ 5pm.* Now, there were no other replies sent or recieved but I confronted him about it and I feel let it slide way too easily. He basically explained that it was just a fantasy and he was masturbating and posting that ad added to the masturbation...idk.* My gut tells me he actually thought about doing it and then changed his mind quickly and deleted it. *


Seems to me he's bi-curious and on his way to the gay end of the spectrum.
Too bad you didn't listen to your gut _before _you got married.
Most gay men usually take the bisexual / curious route before they became fully gay.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Based on what you posted... and I think you know this already... the answer is YES!

Or at least bisexual.

Suppose that this is confirmed, by himself admitting it or otherwise... what would you do?


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

I wouldn't be too quick to put a label on this...

It warrants a respectful conversation between you and your husband about your sexual desires/needs/etc.

Sometimes he may just want to be the one being taken and prostrate stimulation can be very intense. It could be a flavor of his sexuality that he likes to experience...

...what I would discuss with him, is how do you both share in your sexual desires and needs so that you both have a fulfilling sex life in your marriage. Make sure you both have the opportunity to share what you want...this shouldn't be all about him or all about you.

..for me, the craigslist thing would need to be addressed...I would tell him that soliciting any kind of sex outside of marriage is equivalent to cheating...but that is how I would see it...you may see it differently.


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## LovePink (Apr 23, 2014)

I totally agree that I should have done something about it then but I was pregnant & I guess I just didn't want to really think about what I saw. 

It's hard because I love my husband for who he is and the type of person he is. Of course there are times when he aggravates me but that is any marriage. If he does have a strong sexual desire for penis and I obviously can't offer him that...I would feel like a marriage would be impossible. I have needs too and for my sexual needs to be met then I need someone "aggressive" and someone who desires a female body.

I am confused about it all because I know he is kinky and if it wasn't for that craigslist ad I would accept that it is just a fantasy & that would be fine because I fantasize about women...but the ad just completely took it to another level because now I have to wonder if he does really want to try it? And will he try it behind my back? I don't like having to worry about stuff like that.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

LovePink said:


> It's hard because I love my husband for who he is and the type of person he is. Of course there are times when he aggravates me but that is any marriage. *If he does have a strong sexual desire for penis and I obviously can't offer him that...I would feel like a marriage would be impossible. I have needs too and for my sexual needs to be met then I need someone "aggressive" and someone who desires a female body.*
> 
> I am confused about it all because I know he is kinky and if it wasn't for that craigslist ad I would accept that it is just a fantasy & that would be fine because I fantasize about women...but the ad just completely took it to another level because now I have to wonder if he does really want to try it? And will he try it behind my back? I don't like having to worry about stuff like that.


Yep.

I think a man in a committed relationship with a woman, trolling Craiglist for strange penis is not a good sign.

You and him doing role play in the bedroom is a kink.

Him actually taking adds offering blow jobs to men changed things from fantasy to the borderline of reality.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I would be extremely uncomfortable with the ad.

I get that some men like anal stimulation so I guess that on its own isn't such a worry, but the ad most definitely is.

Until you get this resolved, I advise you to practise safe sex.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Oops. I missed the paragraph about CL. He's trolling for sex. It's inappropriate in a monogamous relationship. His excuse that it was just for masturbation doesn't fly, in light of his lack of boundaries with his ex earlier in your relationship.

I wouldn't suggest catfishing ads to see if other ads are him, though.


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## LovePink (Apr 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Confused maybe...
> 
> Men can enjoy being anally penetrated and not be gay. Being gay means he is sexually attracted to other men. Liking anal penetration is not a requirement to being gay because there are lots of gay men who have never been anally penetrated. I know it sounds tricky.
> 
> ...



Recently I had a conversation with him that in order to get a woman in the mood he had to preheat the oven before putting the bread in....

Our sex life was better in the beginning not as good now. He has gotten better about foreplay but there a lot of times he thinks sex should go like this: Kissing. Heavier kissing. Me going downtown. Intercourse. I wish there was more passion but like I said, I love him for him.


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## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

Based on the CL ad and his strong interest in being the receptive anal partner, I would say he is bisexual, and at this time same-sex desire seems to be stronger for him. At 29 he is still figuring himself out and the fact that he was driven enough to even write a CL ad (whether or not he chickened out at the end and didn't post it) says A LOT about where he is at. Be careful for yourself and your child. You don't know what might be going on when you are not around. My brother is gay and has every disease known to man, INCLUDING HIV, hepatitis C and more than one bout of syphillis, because of all his random hookups. Not all gay men are like this but those like your H who are drawn to anonymous Internet sex, unfortunately, tend to have (and spread) a lot of STDs.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

I think you need to do a ton of investigating. I think there is a LOT that he has not told you about himself. I would refrain from talking to him about it and begin watching things closely. I feel certain there is a lot more to this story.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You cannot meet his needs. End of story.


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

Nix said:


> Based on the CL ad and his strong interest in being the receptive anal partner, I would say he is bisexual, and at this time same-sex desire seems to be stronger for him. At 29 he is still figuring himself out and the fact that he was driven enough to even write a CL ad (whether or not he chickened out at the end and didn't post it) says A LOT about where he is at. Be careful for yourself and your child. You don't know what might be going on when you are not around. My brother is gay and has every disease known to man, INCLUDING HIV, hepatitis C and more than one bout of syphillis, because of all his random hookups. Not all gay men are like this but those like your H who are drawn to anonymous Internet sex, unfortunately, tend to have (and spread) a lot of STDs.


Agreed. :iagree:

Whether he's "gay" in the most traditional sense isn't the biggest concern here. The biggest concern is that he was trolling for gay sex and may actually be finding it on the side somewhere, and then bringing some nasty bugs home to you. You need to be very protective of your health and the health of your children. I would go out of my way (snoop, snoop, snoop) to find out what's going on with this guy before asap. Better to know now than later.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

He was a virgin at 26 for a reason...a virgin with a woman anyway...

Did he have gf's before you?

Do you think that its possible that he had sexual relations with men before and he just omitted that part? Maybe he didn't see that as sex... Bill didn't see it as sex...

I'd be concerned with CL as well and hiding it from you...


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Seems to me he's bi-curious and on his way to the gay end of the spectrum.
> Too bad you didn't listen to your gut _before _you got married.
> Most gay men usually take the bisexual / curious route before they became fully gay.


Quite correct. He's totally gay. While women have sexual fluidity, men are actually one way or the other. Bisexual males are in process of finding their true place in gay neighborhood.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Taking the gay issue out of it for a moment...

What do you want your sex life to look like?
What do you need from your husband? with regard to sex? with regard to monogamy?

Sure, hindsight is 20/20 and you should've had more discussions around sex before you married...but that doesn't mean you should avoid talking about it now.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Nix said:


> Based on the CL ad and his strong interest in being the receptive anal partner, I would say he is bisexual, and at this time same-sex desire seems to be stronger for him. At 29 he is still figuring himself out and the fact that he was driven enough to even write a CL ad (whether or not he chickened out at the end and didn't post it) says A LOT about where he is at. Be careful for yourself and your child. You don't know what might be going on when you are not around. My brother is gay and has every disease known to man, INCLUDING HIV, hepatitis C and more than one bout of syphillis, because of all his random hookups. Not all gay men are like this but those like your H who are drawn to anonymous Internet sex, unfortunately, tend to have (and spread) a lot of STDs.


This x100

If I were OP I would sit down with H and really talk things out. Tell him exactly how you feel/what you sense and see if he opens up about it. Tell him, whoever he is, it's ok. You just expect honesty.

If he is bicurious, well, then you have some thinking to do. But thank him for honesty if he opens up and be supportive.

Make the decision at a later date.

Also, talk about BOUNDRIES. Tell him that whatever he decides to do, he needs to be honest with you about it as you are concerned about STDs etc.

What Nix said above is very true. We had a gay family member and he struggled to find a love one.

It almost seems like lot of gay people are in it for sex vs intimacy/love......sadly.



cons said:


> Taking the gay issue out of it for a moment...
> 
> What do you want your sex life to look like?
> What do you need from your husband? with regard to sex? with regard to monogamy?
> ...


I agree with above. OP it seems like you are not happy him meeting your sexual desire, but you are meeting his desires 100%+?

That's not fair and he needs to address that ASAP. Will you be able to live on forever in current situation? Seems like your husband is somewhat selfish if he cares NONE for YOUR desires.

Something to think about......I would probably make this my priority.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Quite correct. He's totally gay. While women have sexual fluidity, men are actually one way or the other. Bisexual males are in process of finding their true place in gay neighborhood.



Off topic: consider yourself debunked.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

There are no bisexual males. A guy is either straight or gay, there is no grey. 

A guy who wants to be penetrated with a strapon is gay.

A guy who posts on Craigs List looking for another guy to hook up with is gay.

End of story.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

This really isn't up for debate. Science says you're wrong. You're wrong. Or, I can get any number of the bimen I know to come here and tell you you're wrong. Keep your biphobia and homophobia to yourself, please.

The reality is that OP needs to do more research into her H's actions online, on his phone and in person. OP probably needs an STI screen, as well. And then OP needs to decide, if he's bi and acting out, can she tolerate that behavior?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

TikiKeen said:


> Off topic: consider yourself debunked.



Not totally debunked. While true bisexual males do exist, they are EXTREMELY rare. Men overwhelmingly go one way or the other.

And I don't think it's fair to accuse anyone who disagrees with you of "homophobia".


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

There are plenty of bisexual males. Nothing is black and white. The only people who say such things are scared to death THEY might be gay because they liked the way George Clooney wore a suit one time and had to convince themselves they liked pu$$y.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

> A guy who wants to be penetrated with a strapon is gay.


 from Lenzi...homophobic by assuming "gay" is related directly to a sex act, which happens to be enjoyed by many straight men as well. It's discriminatory to state that only gay guys like being pegged.

Merriam-Webster agrees.

Orientation and action are not the same thing. If they were, we'd be calling all the LD spouses "asexual" here.

Stats on the "extremely rare"?

You both are perfectly entitled to your viewpoints, but are not entitled to state falsehoods as facts without correction. If science changes, I'll change my own opinion. So far, science keeps verifying that bi people aren't invisible and that straight guys like anal play. (It's not just the Kinsey Institute which says so.)

Back to OP...I walk a fine line personally with my opinion of spouses who are embracing or experimenting with their orientation within marriage. It shatters the vows to live on the down-low, yet at the same time, are we to expect the guy to live a lie regarding orientation? What I do know is that orientation and expression of that orientation are not the same thing. Plenty of bisexuals are quite capable of monogamous marriage. Those who are not (capable) are actually poly or are swingers, and should find and pair up with like-minded people. *He was dishonest. That's the core issue.*


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I have to strongly agree with Tiki here.....



lenzi said:


> A guy who wants to be penetrated with a strapon is gay.
> 
> .


Let me ask you something Lenzi.

My wife has communicated to me that she would like to perform this act on me.

I'm not gay and have 0 desire or liking for ANY male. BUT I'm considering doing it just because I love my wife and I know this would make her happy.

I haven't done so yet. I also know that it's not too important to her and she knows that I would have to go through pain (she is considerate and it's ok if I don't meet this desire of hers/is fine with it).

Let's say I do it, does that make me gay or even Bi sexual?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

While others debate the bi/gay thing, here's what I suggest OP does...

Have a discussion with your husband, but go in assuming he's bi. Don't say "are you bi?", instead say "We both know you are probably bi. How long do you think you've been bi? When did you first recognize it?" Don't ask yes/no questions but ask questions where he needs to give longer answers.

Once he's talking you can't be judgmental. Listen to what he says and allow yourself time to process it. If he says "I think I was bi after being molested" then do research on molestation and bisexuality. Educate yourself on what it means to be bi and what your chances are ina marriage with a bi guy.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> The fact that your H has a fantasy about sucking c*** and being anally penetrated doesn't mean he is gay.


Doesn't make him heterosexual either.  I think he might be bisexual.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

DoF said:


> Let me ask you something Lenzi.
> 
> My wife has communicated to me that she would like to perform this act on me.
> 
> Let's say I do it, does that make me gay or even Bi sexual?


No it doesn't make you gay because you're doing it to satisfy your wife's desire, not your own desire to be penetrate by a woman who is wearing a strap-on which of course symbolizes the male body.

It doesn't make you "bisexual" because for all practical there is no such thing as "bisexual" there's only "gay" and straight" and yes I know there are a lot of gay men who get upset when this topic comes up but that's how it is, there are no reliable studies that have proven otherwise.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

lenzi said:


> No it doesn't make you gay because you're doing it to satisfy your wife's desire, not your own desire to be penetrate by a woman who is wearing a strap-on which of course symbolizes the male body.
> 
> It doesn't make you "bisexual" because for all practical there is no such thing as "bisexual" there's only "gay" and straight" and yes I know there are a lot of gay men who get upset when this topic comes up but that's how it is, there are no reliable studies that have proven otherwise.


Ok so let's assume my wife does it and I like it.

What about then? Am I gay?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

DoF said:


> Ok so let's assume my wife does it and I like it.
> 
> What about then? Am I gay?


If your wife penetrates you while she's wearing a strap-on and you enjoy the experience then it's time for you to do some serious introspection.


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## Lou Vear (Apr 23, 2014)

DoF said:


> I have to strongly agree with Tiki here.....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

DoF said:


> Ok so let's assume my wife does it and I like it.
> 
> What about then? Am I gay?


Are you thinking about your wife when that's happening, or George Clooney?

Straight guys don't post ads looking for penises. Then again, married guys shouldn't be doing that either, unless it's agreed on that it's ok. Everything else is fluff. IMHO.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> While others debate the bi/gay thing, here's what I suggest OP does...
> 
> Have a discussion with your husband, but go in assuming he's bi. Don't say "are you bi?", instead say "We both know you are probably bi. How long do you think you've been bi? When did you first recognize it?" Don't ask yes/no questions but ask questions where he needs to give longer answers.


I like this approach. You said you love your husband for who he is, but also that you cannot imagine marriage to him if he *is* gay because you want a man who wants a woman. 

This is a bit outside of what I am familiar with, but I can't help but wonder if you'd be able to negotiate another solution. Obviously, you help him pass as a straight man. Would you still love "who he is" if you had an option to see or get involved with other men (who like women?)


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

If I were you I'd be worried about STD's and start thinking about getting tested. I definitely don't buy his explanation about the Craig's List ad and think that it's not too much of a stretch to think he's had sex with guys before.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

PBear said:


> Are you thinking about your wife when that's happening, or George Clooney?


Well, you didn't read correctly. It's not happening. It was an assumption if it was to happen.



PBear said:


> Straight guys don't post ads looking for penises. Then again, married guys shouldn't be doing that either, unless it's agreed on that it's ok. Everything else is fluff. IMHO.


That's correct, can't disagree here.

My last posts were directed at the below post ONLY. I don't agree with below, not true.



lenzi said:


> A guy who wants to be penetrated with a strapon is gay.
> 
> End of story.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

LovePink said:


> If he does have a strong sexual desire for penis and I obviously can't offer him that...I would feel like a marriage would be impossible.


Does he have a "strong" sexual desire for penis?
Or is it just a fantasy?
It's going to be difficult to answer this to any degree of accuracy because he's unlikely to tell you even if you ask.
You have to pay close attention and decide the answer on your own.



> I have needs too and for my sexual needs to be met then I need someone "aggressive" and someone who desires a female body.


Does he?
Does he desire you?
Is he passionate in bed, aggressive, does he paw at you when not in bed, does he initiate kissing, touching, flirtation?
If he does these things then I think it's safe to say he does desire the female form.
If these things are absent from your marriage then you may have problems.

He may simply have bi-sexual tendencies which by itself is nothing to worry about.

I myself have no repulsion to the idea of being physically intimate with a man (I'm male by the way) but I couldn't bring myself to become emotionally vulnerable to a man.
This means I fall on the bell curve closer to bisexual than objective heterosexuality but even so there's no way I would ever actually engage in sexual, intimate contact with a man.



> I am confused about it all because I know he is kinky and if it wasn't for that craigslist ad I would accept that it is just a fantasy & that would be fine because I fantasize about women...but the ad just completely took it to another level because now I have to wonder if he does really want to try it? And will he try it behind my back? I don't like having to worry about stuff like that.


The Craigslist trolling is worrisome and the only part of your post I have a real problem with.


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## LovePink (Apr 23, 2014)

I will always love him, no matter what happened. I would be hurt if later on down the road I find out he did or was doing something shady and obviously I wouldn't stay with him, but no matter what he is the father of my children and my current husband. Even if we separated, I would care for him deeply - I would never want him to be hurt or humiliated but at the same time neither do I. 

I have brought this topic up to him in SO many ways. Right after it happened, a year after it happened, nicely questioned him on it, talked about it, brought it up during arguments *not the smartest thing* & basically he denies being attracted to men that he just finds it to be sexy when women do it. Which is FINE however, the CL Ad is what throws me off. Even though the ad happened a while ago, I still can't shake it and I just want to know. Who wouldn't want to know completely in and out the person they are married to?! I am already aware that our relationship moved fast & I can't change that now. 

I think our sex life lacks intimacy. There is something missing there that I can't put my finger on. It's hard for me to get turned on anymore, and when we do I wish he was a little bit more passionate & a little bit more into me during the act. He is selfish and I have told him that. 

I agree with those of you who have said nothing belongs inside a man's ***. I'm okay with giving him anal sometimes, but I don't think I or anyone else should be giving it to him nor do I think he should want that.

My husband is a non-talker. He is not the type to have sit down realistic conversations and I am. When I try to talk to him he shuts down or it ends up in an argument.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

lenzi said:


> There are no bisexual males. A guy is either straight or gay, there is no grey.
> 
> A guy who wants to be penetrated with a strapon is gay.
> 
> ...


You need to look up the definition of "homosexual".

You don't understand it.


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## LovePink (Apr 23, 2014)

tacoma said:


> Does he have a "strong" sexual desire for penis?
> Or is it just a fantasy?
> It's going to be difficult to answer this to any degree of accuracy because he's unlikely to tell you even if you ask.
> You have to pay close attention and decide the answer on your own.
> ...


THAT is exactly what he has told me. That he would never actually do it its just a fantasy. BUT there is that Ad...

For a while he wasn't but now he is. He'll smack my butt, or grab a boob every now and again which I like cause it makes me laugh, but no real kissing or super sexy @ random. We used to and I kind of think he just got a little settled and doesn't really have to try anymore.

I also don't want anyone to think I am saying that I am perfect because I'm not. I have my flaws as well. I just feel like the CL Ad is what worries me the most & I don't even know if I have a right to still be questioning it being as it happened almost two years ago.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

DoF said:


> Ok so let's assume my wife does it and I like it.
> 
> What about then? Am I gay?


Only if your wife is a man.

That's the part lenzi is missing.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

LovePink said:


> THAT is exactly what he has told me. That he would never actually do it its just a fantasy. BUT there is that Ad...
> 
> For a while he wasn't but now he is. He'll smack my butt, or grab a boob every now and again which I like cause it makes me laugh, but no real kissing or super sexy @ random. We used to and I kind of think he just got a little settled and doesn't really have to try anymore.
> 
> I also don't want anyone to think I am saying that I am perfect because I'm not. I have my flaws as well. I just feel like the CL Ad is what worries me the most & I don't even know if I have a right to still be questioning it being as it happened almost two years ago.


You're in a tough position Lovepink.

I would say to talk to him but in our culture (I'm assuming US) most men wouldn't open up much about this topic.

It's possible the Craigslist trolling was exactly what he said it was but it's difficult to swallow.

I would simply keep my eyes and ears open especially when he's in sexual situations.

While doing this I'd start becoming more passionate and flirtatious with him and see how he responds.
If he is bisexual he should respond to you.

I'd also keep an eye out for any more trolling for sex considering it's an infidelity regardless of his sexuality.
If he does this again confront it immediately from the perspective that it's cheating whether it's with a man or woman.
Draw that boundary and don't give an inch of it.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

In answer to your question, it seems as though your H is attracted to men if he is looking for a hookup on Craig's List for a BJ even if he says he's not. I guess he does not want to admit it.

As Tacoma and other posters have said, it is worrisome, especially in light of STDs if he did/does try to experiment.

It would better if he could feel comfortable enough to come clean with who he is sexually, if there is indeed a hidden truth.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

TikiKeen said:


> Off topic: consider yourself debunked.


Not at all. Your link was not a random group, so it's already tainted. Plus the original research at Northwestern has also been backed up by other researchers, also mentioned in the link on women's fluidity. Plus, somewhere there is some tiny number of men far out on the bell curve who might fit this. The OPs husband is not one of those men.

And of course, this path to acceptance is what we see in life, with celebrities and people we know IRL, over and over again. Male bisexuality is just a way station on gay males accepting their lot in life.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

TikiKeen said:


> This really isn't up for debate. Science says you're wrong. You're wrong. Or, I can get any number of the bimen I know to come here and tell you you're wrong. Keep your biphobia and homophobia to yourself, please.


Science says a phobia is an irrational, persistent fear. Calling a spade a spade does not make one a ftyáriphobe.

OP, unless you want to be a single mom some day, don't have kids with this guy. I've seen this scenario play out a few times.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

DoF said:


> Well, you didn't read correctly. It's not happening. It was an assumption if it was to happen.


I read it just fine, thank you. And was responding to your hypothetical situation. Hypothetically, if you got pegged, and if you hypothetically enjoyed it, the question of whether you had homosexual tendencies would be determined (in my mind) by who you thought of pegging you. George Clooney (or any man) or your wife (or any woman). Being gay isn't determined by a sexual act, but by the partners, and to a lessor degree, the mental state of the partners. If I have anal sex with my SO, does that make me gay just because that's what some homosexuals do? Not if I'm focused on her. But if I'm picturing my co-worker Roy, then maybe there's some queer in the air...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

PBear said:


> I read it just fine, thank you. And was responding to your hypothetical situation. Hypothetically, if you got pegged, and if you hypothetically enjoyed it, the question of whether you had homosexual tendencies would be determined (in my mind) by who you thought of pegging you. George Clooney (or any man) or your wife (or any woman). Being gay isn't determined by a sexual act, but by the partners, and to a lessor degree, the mental state of the partners. If I have anal sex with my SO, does that make me gay just because that's what some homosexuals do? Not if I'm focused on her. But if I'm picturing my co-worker Roy, then maybe there's some queer in the air...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

PBear said:


> But if I'm picturing my co-worker Roy, then maybe there's some queer in the air...


If I were your wife I'd start worrying about Roy.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

If I were your wife, I'd want to meet Roy, but that's my own fantasy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

tacoma said:


> If I were your wife I'd start worrying about Roy.


If that was the case, perhaps Roy should be worried too... And Tiki, I can set you up... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

One man is more than enough for me. I don't know how my poly friends do it; they're scheduling geniuses. I can't even do that for doctor's appointments.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Roy is in a gay fantasy and doesn't know it.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

lenzi said:


> If your wife penetrates you while she's wearing a strap-on and you enjoy the experience then it's time for you to do some serious introspection.


I am quite conservative religiously and that is one of the ignorant things I have ever read here.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

TikiKeen said:


> One man is more than enough for me. I don't know how my poly friends do it; they're scheduling geniuses. I can't even do that for doctor's appointments.


x2, there is no way in HELL I can handle more than one woman from each and every relationship perspective possible.

No thanks (sounds rather overwhelming to me if anything, not a good thing).

But hey, if others can do it and like it, more power to them.

Big believer in "less is more"


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

PBear said:


> I read it just fine, thank you. And was responding to your hypothetical situation. Hypothetically, if you got pegged, and if you hypothetically enjoyed it, the question of whether you had homosexual tendencies would be determined (in my mind) by who you thought of pegging you. George Clooney (or any man) or your wife (or any woman). Being gay isn't determined by a sexual act, but by the partners, and to a lessor degree, the mental state of the partners. If I have anal sex with my SO, does that make me gay just because that's what some homosexuals do? Not if I'm focused on her. But if I'm picturing my co-worker Roy, then maybe there's some queer in the air...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If my wife is doing the deed, what does that tell you? 

I already stated that i have 0 attraction or desire for ANY man. NONE.

But I understand what you are saying though and can't disagree. 

If that does happen, I will pay close attention to my mind/thoughts.


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