# statue of limitations on "outing" the POSOM



## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

...as in on cheaterville or something?

on a side note; has anyone here actually posted to cheaterville (or like sites)? any negative side effects? ever been contacted by the cheater? how does the site "verify" the information posted?

just kinda curious.....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

StuckInAL said:


> how does the site "verify" the information posted?


I have long wondered this. Anyone could post anything on there about anyone and if it's not verified and it could be completely untrue.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

from what i've seen of the site; it's more of a "guilty until proven innocent type of thing"....as in..

1. someone flags a cheater.

2. cheater hears about it...or doesn't...

3. cheater contacts site and complains..this isn't true..wtf?!..etc...etc

4. site contacts "anon" poster for verification

5. if can be verified; post stays...if not; it probably comes down...

???


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

StuckInAL said:


> ...as in on cheaterville or something?
> 
> on a side note; has anyone here actually posted to cheaterville (or like sites)? any negative side effects? ever been contacted by the cheater? how does the site "verify" the information posted?
> 
> just kinda curious.....


My feeling is .... as long as you have proof, there are no limitations.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

You don't know how many times in the last three years I've come close to posting the POSOM on cheaterville. But at this point, I've made the decision that doing so could hurt our efforts to R. 

I'm not advocating that other BS's in R shouldn't post there. That's just my personal decision. If our R should ultimately not be successful, I'll definitely reconsider.

But honestly, even then; waiting years to do it - I've got mixed feelings about it.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

im in the same boat, badmemory, we are well into R...wife has had zero contact...but to see a cheater living a happy life...knowing what he and my wife did to me...just ugh.

she's suffered a bit...had to deal w/what she's done....MC...etc..etc. im ok w/where she's at. i feel she's paid her "price"...but what about the OM? where's my justice there?

interestingly enough, his name has been searched > 20 times on cheaterville (so the sites says) so it makes me feel like someone (his current wife maybe) has been checking. it actually makes me feel terrible to know and think that someone else out there thinks this guy has a "clean bill of health"....


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I have always wondered about the searches on there as well when it returns a count. I wonder whom else is searching, say possibly my WW as I have mentioned about putting the APs on there. Just makes me wonder as I can't key log every device she has and wonder whom is doing the checking (and then I never really pay that close of attention as much so is that number growing solely because of me??)


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

There's _nothing _to stop OM from posting your wife on cheaterville, or posting YOU on cheaterville even though you didn't cheat. Seems like you'd be opening a can of worms that just begs for retaliation from the OM.

Living well is its own reward, or should be. Don't get mired in fantasies of revenge. Don't get mired in what the OM is or isn't doing, or how "happy" he seems to be. If you keep focusing on OM, he'll never actually be out of your life and marriage because you're keeping him there and making him significant in your mind.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I wish I reacted swiftly when our D day happened. My real exposure of the OM came almost a year after our D day. At that point I only blew him up because he started sending texts again trying to get my wife to respond.

I still think about that POS because he did not have to pay a price with me. I do know that him and his wife are having issues and he not longer coaches any sports, Just a PE teacher now.

I am not sure that throwing him up on cheaterville will help anything at this point.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

im pretty sure it isn't my fww.....i doubt she's even heard of the site, honestly. 

i've not seen it any history on any computer/tablet/phone in my home other than mine.

it isn't me either...and the name isn't common like "john smith" or something.

i honestly think it's either other AP's or his wife..or something along those lines.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

First off , there's been numerous cases of people posting an OM/OW on cheaterville, and then backing down when the fallout got too bad. If you don't have the cajones to stick through it, don't make the post. There's also been people posting an OM/OW who have significantly (and negatively) impacted that person's life. 

Keep in mind that once you go down that path, your spouse is also fair game. If you're trying to reconcile, it may impact things. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

oh we are waaaay past trying to reconcile. we are 7 yrs post affair...and have never been happier.

didn't blow up OM at the time for the very reason you metion (it could damage R).

i'm just a spiteful person i guess. lol


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

norajane said:


> There's _nothing _to stop OM from posting your wife on cheaterville, or posting YOU on cheaterville even though you didn't cheat. Seems like you'd be opening a can of worms that just begs for retaliation from the OM.


Yep. That's what I mean by hurting efforts to R. At this point it seems like borrowing trouble.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

another question....any other major sites like chaterville out there?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Would it be worth it if it saved one family from what you have been through? I see it less as revenge as a public service/duty.


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## botti (May 28, 2014)

If someone put my husband on cheaterville, I would not thank them. I would be mortified.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Would it be worth it if it saved one family from what you have been through? I see it less as revenge as a public service/duty.


:iagree::iagree:


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

StuckInAL said:


> oh we are waaaay past trying to reconcile. we are 7 yrs post affair...and have never been happier.
> 
> didn't blow up OM at the time for the very reason you metion (it could damage R).
> 
> i'm just a spiteful person i guess. lol


Just think how you might be vulnerable to blowback.

We had someone here (can't think of his name) a few months back whose OM when posted on CV turned the tables on him by threatening to go after relatives of WS (well known in their community) and WS herself. OP had to back out and take the CV posting down.

The benefit of the posting on CV was that WS quit the relationship with OM, so the affair was broken.

Think carefully before you act.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

How would posting an affair partner hurt reconcilliation? I would think the cheating spouse would think if things fell apart they would end up there too.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Honestly I've always thought cheaterville was a bit overrated here. As far as outing is concerned I don't really think there's a time limit on outing someone but I figure the longer a BS holds off on going after the OM/OW the less likely they are to do so in the end anyway.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

2asdf2 said:


> Just think how you might be vulnerable to blowback.
> 
> We had someone here (can't think of his name) a few months back whose OM when posted on CV turned the tables on him by threatening to go after relatives of WS (well known in their community) and WS herself. OP had to back out and take the CV posting down.
> 
> ...


As soon as he took it down his wife went back to being a jerk. Op could not be persuaded to take a strong stance and last we heard it didn't sound like things were improving.

He folded and she lost even more respect.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> How would posting an affair partner hurt reconcilliation? I would think the cheating spouse would think if things fell apart they would end up there too.


I think that if you post the AP immediately, then there is less chance of that. But waiting years, when R to that point has been successful? Risky.

I was almost a year into R before I found TAM and even heard of cheaterville. I'm pretty sure I would have pulled the trigger back then had I known about it.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

As far as I'm concerned, if me and my ex are 50% each at fault for the state of the marriage prior to cheating then shouldn't the POSOM and my ex each share 50% of the blame for cheating? So with that said isn't it a little hypocritical to post one up on cheaterville and not the other? If you're going to expose your cheating spouse to family and friends to kill the affair then why not cheaterville too? I guess I wonder sometimes what the reaction would be if some OMW threw a BH's wife up there. I would hope it would be, "Good, she had it coming."


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lila said:


> I was too. Googled it and came across this report by a Houston TV station.
> Guilty Or Not, Here Comes Cheaterville | News - Home
> 
> Apparently,* Cheaterville doesn't verify any of the information. * The lawyer interviewed discusses options for those who want to have the information removed from the site.


Exactly. 

Lawsuits waiting to happen.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

StuckInAL said:


> oh we are waaaay past trying to reconcile. *we are 7 yrs post affair*...and have never been happier.
> 
> didn't blow up OM at the time for the very reason you metion (it could damage R).
> 
> i'm just a spiteful person i guess. lol


It's interesting that you want to post the OM on Cheaterville but not your wife who cheated on you.

Just saying.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BetrayedDad said:


> As far as I'm concerned, if me and my ex are 50% each at fault for the state of the marriage prior to cheating then shouldn't the POSOM and my ex each share 50% of the blame for cheating? So with that said isn't it a little hypocritical to post one up on cheaterville and not the other? If you're going to expose your cheating spouse to family and friends to kill the affair then why not cheaterville too? I guess I wonder sometimes what the reaction would be if some OMW threw a BH's wife up there. I would hope it would be, "Good, she had it coming."


Ones own spouse has to make it up to their betrayed partner. They have to do some very heavy lifting. Odds are they are going to be divorced. As the law stands now, the only thing you can legally do to the other person that broke up you marriage is go after their reputation. Cheaterville posts come up anytime the affair partner's name is googled. Many folks here have been very satsfied with those results.

If they choose to take the risks, they have to wear the fallout.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> As far as I'm concerned, if me and my ex are 50% each at fault for the state of the marriage prior to cheating then shouldn't the POSOM and my ex each share 50% of the blame for cheating? *So with that said isn't it a little hypocritical to post one up on cheaterville and not the other?* If you're going to expose your cheating spouse to family and friends to kill the affair then why not cheaterville too? I guess I wonder sometimes what the reaction would be if some OMW threw a BH's wife up there. I would hope it would be, "Good, she had it coming."


Yes, it's probably somewhat hypocritical. But I've always had the thought that it should be the AP's spouse/SO to make that choice. If the POSOM's wife had decided to post my wife; I wouldn't have had a problem with it. She deserved it. 

Also, posting your own spouse; the mother/father of your own children (if you have them), makes it a questionable decision.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> It's interesting that you want to post the OM on Cheaterville but not your wife who cheated on you.
> 
> Just saying.


well; i never outed him....even though he was engaged. i found out long after the affair ended. just kinda wonder if his wife deserves to know. would you want to know if you husband had cheated w/a married woman while you were engaged?

again, my wife has (imho) paid the price for her infidelity....


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

badmemory said:


> Yes, it's probably somewhat hypocritical. But I've always had the thought that it should be the AP's spouse/SO to make that choice. If the POSOM's wife had decided to post my wife; I wouldn't have had a problem with it. She deserved it.
> 
> Also, posting your own spouse; the mother/father of your own children (if you have them), makes it a questionable decision.


we didn't have kids at Dday....and the possiblity of kids down the line is what stopped me from just going nuclear and outing her to everyone. she actually stuggles with this now...what to say if/when our daughters find out? how to handle their reliationships down the road? what if they want to cheat? what to say? kinda hard to take the moral high ground down the road....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So it's ok to worry about your kids and how it might affect them in the future, but you don't have to care about the innocent children of the AP's kids? They didn't do anything to deserve what might come down the pipes. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

StuckInAL said:


> well; i never outed him....even though he was engaged. i found out long after the affair ended. just kinda wonder if his wife deserves to know. would you want to know if you husband had cheated w/a married woman while you were engaged?


But she may never read Cheaterville. And she may already know. And a lot of the people on there may be fakes, just posted up their by upset people (no verification).

I don't get why you'd post one and not the other, like BetrayedDad said.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

PBear said:


> So it's ok to worry about your kids and how it might affect them in the future, but you don't have to care about the innocent children of the AP's kids? They didn't do anything to deserve what might come down the pipes.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


may sound harsh; but not my kids...so no; i don't have to worry about them.

@jellybeans i've posted my thoughts already on why the OM and not my FWW.....and someone has been searching this guy on cheaterville. his name has been searched ~28 times.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If I ever felt compelled to submit anything to Cheaterville, I would not only list names, but to greatly strengthen my hand, I would submit those two lovey-dovey photos of my rich skanky XW nestled right up alongside "Lil' Lord Lardass": one of them taken in a N'awlins restaurant during our "trial separation" and the other at a "former" mutual friend's house in Austin, even before I was made to leave home, substantively proving that our MF's had total knowledge of the skank's clandestine activities with JugAss, right under their very own roof, without them, as much as raising a question or even mentioning a single word to me about it! 

Hell, the MF's are actually pictured in one of those photos as a "group of four!" I'd probably just give those "dear friends" a little free advertising on there as well about their knowledge of what was going on!

With friends like them, you sure as hell don't need any more enemies!*


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *If I ever felt compelled to submit anything to Cheaterville, I would not only list names, but to greatly strengthen my hand, I would submit those two lovey-dovey photos of my rich skanky XW nestled right up alongside "Lil' Lord Lardass": one of them taken in a N'awlins restaurant during our "trial separation" and the other at a "former" mutual friend's house in Austin, even before I was made to leave home, substantively proving that our MF's had total knowledge of the skank's clandestine activities with JugAss, right under their very own roof, without them, as much as raising a question or even mentioning a single word to me about it!
> 
> Hell, the MF's are actually pictured in one of those photos as a "group of four!" I'd probably just give those "dear friends" a little free advertising on there as well about their knowledge of what was going on!
> 
> With friends like them, you sure as hell don't need any more enemies!*


Arbitrator, is it fair to say you don't care much for your ex wife?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

StuckInAL said:


> im in the same boat, badmemory, we are well into R...wife has had zero contact...but to see a cheater living a happy life...knowing what he and my wife did to me...just ugh.
> 
> she's suffered a bit...had to deal w/what she's done....MC...etc..etc. im ok w/where she's at. i feel she's paid her "price"...but what about the OM? where's my justice there?


Is OM married? If so, then he should get the same justice as your wife did, at the hands of his spouse.

Not saying the idea of putting the OM on a site like that isn't delicious. But whats good for the goose is good for that gander.

What if the OM"s wife, again if he has one, were to put your wife up on cheaterville? What would you do?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

If it happened to my WW, for me, I can honestly say I would applaud. I may even put her there myself.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

vellocet said:


> What if the OM"s wife, again if he has one, were to put your wife up on cheaterville? What would you do?


nothing i could do really....the truth is the truth. it's her bed; she'd have to lay in it. re: his justice coming from spouse; i'm 99% sure she has no idea what transpired.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> It's interesting that you want to post the OM on Cheaterville but not your wife who cheated on you.
> 
> Just saying.


I've said this before. My anger at OM is justified, but not more than my wife, now x-wife.

If I were to have stayed with her, it wouldn't make sense to put him up on cheaterville. I'd put both of them up there if I were to do one.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

StuckInAL said:


> nothing i could do really....the truth is the truth. it's her bed; she'd have to lay in it. re: his justice coming from spouse; i'm 99% sure she has no idea what transpired.


Then that's where you get your justice....contact his wife. That way she can decide to give him the justice the same as you hold your wife. And if she doesn't give it in the same magnitude as you may have given your wife, well then that's all you can do. At least you stirred it up and things will never be the same. Unless she completely doesn't believe you.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

StuckInAL said:


> oh we are waaaay past trying to reconcile. we are 7 yrs post affair...and have never been happier.
> 
> didn't blow up OM at the time for the very reason you metion (it could damage R).
> 
> i'm just a spiteful person i guess. lol


I have no problem with revenge but you are *seven* years past the affair, so what is the point in dragging this all up now. All you will succeed in doing is making the affair front and center in your life again. At this point this serves no purpose and could in fact trigger blow back. You have daughters now what if the POSOM retaliates and puts your wife on Cheaterville? 

You said your wife has paid for her transgression, well *perhaps you think there was not enough punishment for both of them* and perhaps that could be a motivating factor in this. I don't know i am just asking. Do you still trigger often? What consequences did your wife suffer at the time? 

The time to do something like this is immediately upon discovery not seven years later. This is just my opinion. i hope it helps you in some way.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

PBear said:


> So it's ok to worry about your kids and how it might affect them in the future, but you don't have to care about the innocent children of the AP's kids? They didn't do anything to deserve what might come down the pipes.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes it's OK.

Because if you're cheating, being exposed should be an expected consequence; whether you're a parent or not. That includes the risk of being put on cheaterville. 

Should I not come forward to testify as a witness in a criminal trial because of the effect on the defendant's children? 

It would be the AP's actions that resulted in the consequences to his/her own children. Not yours.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I have no problem with revenge but you are *seven* years past the affair, so what is the point in dragging this all up now. All you will succeed in doing is making the affair front and center in your life again. At this point this serves no purpose and could in fact trigger blow back. You have daughters now what if the POSOM retaliates and puts your wife on Cheaterville?
> 
> You said your wife has paid for her transgression, well *perhaps you think there was not enough punishment for both of them* and perhaps that could be a motivating factor in this. I don't know i am just asking. Do you still trigger often? What consequences did your wife suffer at the time?
> 
> The time to do something like this is immediately upon discovery not seven years later. This is just my opinion. i hope it helps you in some way.


i've triggered once in seven years....about a month ago...thus me revisiting TAM. my wife has paid a price; but i don't think the justice was equally served.

ive never seriously considered posting to cheaterville; until i noticed that this guy's name has been searched several times....so obviously someone out there is questioning his honesty. i don't know if it's his wife....a current AP.....who knows? i hit the site for the first time after seeing it mentioned here and searched both my wife and her former AP out of curiosity...and thus the wheels started spinning.

my wife had zero searches...he had around 28....curiously enough my sister in law (via maiden name) had around 9 searches !??!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Public outing I put at either knowledge the OP is still at it, or within a year.
Private outing like to a spouse that was betrayed and may not know… I’d say 5 years depending on the circumstances like EA versus PA versus LTPA versus the level of deception. So it can be ‘indefinite’ for really bad stories. 

Sort of biased because there are remorseful waywards. So take someone like Mrs.Adams who’s affair was 30 years ago and is remorseful. Putting her up on cheaterville for all to see when they google her name isn’t cool. She’s not the same person she was back then and I’m guessing her OP’s spouse has no f’n clue what she is like now. Now what about some of the others here with older affairs; MattMatt? Does he deserve the ire and public rehashing? So, limiting it to private outing is the solution in my mind. Mr. Adams could handle it, and I’m sure MattMatt’s wife could as well since it’s been in the open in their marriages for quite some time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I really don't even think most people know about the cheaterville site.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I really don't even think most people know about the cheaterville site.


I agree. At least until they google the person's name and the link pops up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

But most people aren't on cheaterville...

So even if you google a name, that site isn't likely to pop up.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> But most people aren't on cheaterville...
> 
> So even if you google a name, that site isn't likely to pop up.


Yes, it does. Usually on the first or second page of hits if current. Thing is, people usually don't have a large internet presence to get those hits. So Joe Blow regular guy doesn't have his name all over the place. Therefore, when you google it, anything specific to mentioning that name gets the priority hit. It doesn't if their name is 'popular' like shared with an actor or artist.

Don't trust that? Go there, pick one of the names, plug it into google and see where it shows up.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Not sure of all of your circumstances. If you have children etc. keep in mind if you post him there is nothing from keeping him or his spouse from posting your wife. 

Then again she earned it same as him...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

StuckInAL said:


> i've triggered once in seven years....about a month ago...thus me revisiting TAM. my wife has paid a price; *but i don't think the** justice was equally served.*
> 
> ive never seriously considered posting to cheaterville; until i noticed that this guy's name has been searched several times....so obviously someone out there is questioning his honesty. i don't know if it's his wife....a current AP.....who knows? i hit the site for the first time after seeing it mentioned here and searched both my wife and her former AP out of curiosity...and thus the wheels started spinning.
> 
> my wife had zero searches...he had around 28....curiously enough my sister in law (via maiden name) had around 9 searches !??!


I see. Do you think by posting him on cheaterville justice will be equally served? This is an honest question. Do you think you still have unresolved issues in your marriage over this affair? I think that before you do this you should think deeply about this. Remember it was your wife who betrayed you so from your perspective shouldn't she have naturally been made to pay a higher price by you? Just some questions to maybe help you flesh out what is going on in your mind.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It's been 7 years since the affair? Why do you think it makes sense to bring this OM back into your life _now _and re-open the whole affair topic?

Are you trying to destabilize your reconciliation by wading into the weeds of the affair again? Don't let this OM live in your head, and don't let him back into your life. Posting him on CV or anywhere else, or contacting him, or trying to do anything to him just welcomes him back into your life. Is that what you want? If so, why? Why do you want OM in your life now?


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

@truthseeker justice will be served? probably not. i only considered posting b/c someone has been searching for this guy on cheaterville. no; i do not feel there are unresolved issues in our marriage re: this guy....yes, my wife did betray me; i have forgiven her. i do not need to forgive the OM.

@norajane yes, over 7 yrs. the affair topic was reopened b/c i triggered pretty hard about a month ago..first time since we started R....and no; i don't want/care to have this guy in my life and i'm 100% certain he doesn't want me in his. again, i noticed that someone (maybe himself?) has been searching his name on cheaterville....he's married now... was engaged during the affair (im pretty sure to his current wife) and i'm pretty sure she has no idea about the affair.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Might I suggest you get off TAM, stay away from CV, and go live your life? 

It appears that this site led you to CV, and now you are focusing your energy on searching OM's name, talking about OM, looking for ways to get revenge, etc. You've already let him get into your head again; you've already allowed him to become a focus for your mind again. You're dwelling on this again. Don't give him any more room in your mind, or you'll find yourself eroding what has taken you 7 years to rebuild.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

haha, not the worst advice i've ever rec'd. i do believe that (if you are in a serious R) TAM can be pretty toxic.

about a month ago, i posted a topic re: how to deal w/ other guys being a little to flirty w/my fww and within a few posts i was told to just go ahead and divorce her.

i honestly don't fret day in and day out about my wife's former AP...it's just been an odd month dealing my first full out "trigger moment". i've worked thru that w/ my wife and have lingered (maybe a bit too long) here on CWI. 

i went to cheaterville to see if AP happend to have posted about my wife...he hasn't...but was surprised to see that his name had been searched so many times.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

StuckInAL said:


> haha, not the worst advice i've ever rec'd. i do believe that (if you are in a serious R) TAM can be pretty toxic.
> 
> about a month ago, i posted a topic re: how to deal w/ other guys being a little to flirty w/my fww and within a few posts i was told to just go ahead and divorce her.
> 
> ...



He could be see bing his own name to see if anyone posted him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

I posted the two om and 1 seen it a year later and posted about how unfair it was he was on the site. The other pos had just started a business with a couple other guys and someone made a remark about him being on cv on the businesses Facebook reviews.

I let the post up for two years then removed them because I wanted to put all that behind me. But I do find it rewarding to out a pos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Cheaterville?
Total waste of time.

Disagree? Show me the results of _all _the successful CV posts, against threads started on CwI that have:
a) messed up the OM/OW's life or
b) put a dent into the OM/OW's lifestyle of cheating / going after someone else's spouse.

_(I know the replies tho this here and it usually goes along the line of "well, [Insert-Well-known-CwI-Member-Name-Here] managed to get the OM taggd 5 billions hits"_

Really?
Has the OM stopped doing what he does best? 

Half-assed Cheaterville posts are what weak, submissive Betamales tentatively tend to do....and usually take down when they get heat back off their wife or her OM.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

I think I asked outing the OM in general....like cheaterville etc etc

But solid chest thump there. Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

StuckInAL said:


> I think I asked outing the OM in general....like cheaterville etc etc
> 
> But solid chest thump there. Haha.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No.
'Outing' an OM or OW does nothing.

F*ucking _their _spouse does.


Or breaking their legs.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> But most people aren't on cheaterville...
> 
> So even if you google a name, that site isn't likely to pop up.


Jelly, Google Jacques Du Toit, tennis.

Number one on google, not for tennis.....................


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

StuckInAL said:


> @truthseeker justice will be served? probably not. i only considered posting b/c someone has been searching for this guy on cheaterville. no; i do not feel there are unresolved issues in our marriage re: this guy....yes, my wife did betray me; i have forgiven her. i do not need to forgive the OM.
> 
> @norajane yes, over 7 yrs. the affair topic was reopened b/c i triggered pretty hard about a month ago..first time since we started R....and no; i don't want/care to have this guy in my life and i'm 100% certain he doesn't want me in his. again, i noticed that someone (maybe himself?) has been searching his name on cheaterville....he's married now... was engaged during the affair (im pretty sure to his current wife) and i'm pretty sure she has no idea about the affair.


Then why haven't you told her?

Absolutely the first thing I would have done is **** his life up.

One good turn deserves another.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Jelly, Google Jacques Du Toit, tennis.
> 
> Number one on google, not for tennis.....................


Yeah, it does, but that's the BS going to the _Nth_-degree to blow-up and expose the OM with as much information as possible.
Rarely does the BS have the [email protected] to do this.

And do we know what effect this has had on JdT?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

davecarter said:


> Yeah, it does, but that's the BS going to the _Nth_-degree to blow-up and expose the OM with as much information as possible.
> *Rarely does the BS have the [email protected] to do this.*
> 
> And do we know what effect this has had on JdT?


THIS is the single biggest problem with BSs as far as CV is concerned. It's not really going to the Nth degree as much as it is putting it up and leaving the damned thing up. Too many have chickened out and taken it down just when it was starting to have an effect.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

3putt said:


> THIS is the single biggest problem with BSs as far as CV is concerned. It's not really going to the Nth degree as much as it is putting it up and leaving the damned thing up. Too many have chickened out and taken it down just when it was starting to have an effect.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
Drove it down the middle.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I went to post on cheaterville and I posted stuff that was too personal and it was not posted. Hindsight I was happy it wasn't.. 

In hindsight it seemed like I was a whiny little b1tch. 

I never did anything to make her look bad as of yet and she is fine destroying herself.. 

I always wondered what my sons would think if they were old enough to see it or one of their friends from school. 

Better off not turning over that stone I say.. Unless you don't have kids.. 

Like with everything kids change everything you and every decision you make. These dam pesky kids


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

3putt said:


> THIS is the single biggest problem with BSs as far as CV is concerned. It's not really going to the Nth degree as much as it is putting it up and leaving the damned thing up. Too many have chickened out and taken it down just when it was starting to have an effect.


WTF chicken-out?
I'll tell you why: *Rug-Sweeping* is the order of the day.
BS's are too damned terrified to go ahead with 'D'.

Scared of their wives, intimidated by the OM, uncertain of a future as a singleton.
FFS. :banghead:


I'm out - I got a flight to Brazil to catch in 6 hours.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

davecarter said:


> WTF chicken-out?
> I'll tell you why: *Rug-Sweeping* is the order of the day.
> BS's are too damned terrified to go ahead with 'D'.
> 
> ...


It's not just about going straight to divorce as it is not having the balls to go through (and see through) what's necessary to destroy the affair in order to give them a chance at reconciliation.

Fear is indeed the biggest problem.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

davecarter said:


> WTF chicken-out?
> I'll tell you why: *Rug-Sweeping* is the order of the day.
> BS's are too damned terrified to go ahead with 'D'.
> 
> ...


My head wasn't wired like that in the beginning.. I just didn't see it. Today I grasp the concept and understand why you need to push your cheating spouse to the edge of the cliff.. But back then my head just couldn't handle or comprehend this concept. I literally was down to the basic needs of emotions and feelings like a caveman. Me sad, Me hungry, Me mad, Me cry.. I couldn't function at work let alone grasp the concept of you need to be willing destroy your marriage to keep it.. 

But some people are smarter and stronger then others and they were clearly more successful at fixing their marriage then guys like me were.. Not ashamed to admit it.. 

I am just fortunate that I woke up during the divorce stage and was able to come out on top.

In all honesty as well though, I see that I can date a woman 10 years younger than my Ex that I would look at in the street and say "God DAM" under my breath while married and find out that they want me as well and make 10x more than my Ex.. It takes the sting out of losing my Wife a bit.. 

I miss her because she is the mother of my kids and we were a family. My kids will get along more with their mother more than any other woman I think. 

But as a companion ?? 10 years younger.. More income... As my mom told me pointing to her own chest and A$$.. These things don't go up as you get older, they go down.. So I have to wait 10 years for this woman to be the state my current ex wife is in now.. Again no complaints here..


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> As far as I'm concerned, if me and my ex are 50% each at fault for the state of the marriage prior to cheating then shouldn't the POSOM and my ex each share 50% of the blame for cheating? So with that said isn't it a little hypocritical to post one up on cheaterville and not the other? If you're going to expose your cheating spouse to family and friends to kill the affair then why not cheaterville too? I guess I wonder sometimes what the reaction would be if some OMW threw a BH's wife up there. I would hope it would be, "Good, she had it coming."


I believe Cheatersville is designed to post your own cheating S/O, not as a method of revenge against the affair partner while powering your own cheating spouse's behind. It been a number of years since I did anything to get on Cheatersville but you can bet your last dollar if some betrayed husband posted me, his old lady, him along with his embellished inadequacies, would be up there with me. That revenge door swings both ways.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

badmemory said:


> *Arbitrator, is it fair to say you don't care much for your ex wife?*


*After what I came to find out about the world of wealth, self-centeredness, and greed, you tell me!*


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I believe Cheatersville is designed to post your own cheating S/O, not as a method of revenge against the affair partner while powering your own cheating spouse's behind. It been a number of years since I did anything to get on Cheatersville but you can bet your last dollar if some betrayed husband posted me, his old lady, him along with his embellished inadequacies, would be up there with me. That revenge door swings both ways.


What is the deal with lying in a post on CV?

If a BH posts that 'The Pheonix' "screwed my wife and together with my wife effed up my marriage" That might be somewhat true.

But if 'The Pheonix' posts lies, could that be a problem?

Or were you thinking more of posting that you only got to the WW because the BH was neglectful and crap in bed?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> I believe Cheatersville is designed to post your own cheating S/O, not as a method of revenge against the affair partner while powering your own cheating spouse's behind. It been a number of years since I did anything to get on Cheatersville but you can bet your last dollar if some betrayed husband posted me, his old lady, him along with his embellished inadequacies, would be up there with me. That revenge door swings both ways.


Hopefully, you're not out of the woods yet.:rofl:


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> What is the deal with lying in a post on CV?
> 
> If a BH posts that 'The Pheonix' "screwed my wife and together with my wife effed up my marriage" That might be somewhat true.
> 
> ...



If they didn't come at me, I wouldn't go at them. Regarding lying, if I'm a cheater anyway what's the big deal. Regarding the other man, I compare it to a hitchhiker with his thumb out. Its the woman that pulls over to give him a ride. Why should he be a whipping boy for the entire situation. 



Chaparral said:


> Hopefully, you're not out of the woods yet.:rofl:


It been over twenty years. If it were going to happen, it would have. But back in the day, it would have been good advertising. What can I say.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> What is the deal with lying in a post on CV?
> 
> If a BH posts that 'The Pheonix' "screwed my wife and together with my wife effed up my marriage" That might be somewhat true.
> 
> ...


*That's exactly why I would choose to post pics up of them for all of the world to see. And with very rare exception, legitimate pics are extremely hard to refute. 

And while the cheaters can always contend that the pics were a "photo-shopped" work product, the burden of proof would ultimately then be placed upon the cheaters to prove that noble allegation of theirs!*


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

davecarter said:


> No. 'Outing' an OM or OW does nothing.


It's a coin toss on this one. If the AP is married then you may get some satisifaction in seeing them dump your WS to save their skin. Though even some of the married ones don't care.



davecarter said:


> F*ucking _their _spouse does.


If you can pull it off. You'd have to lucky enough to find one who would be spiteful enough. Alot of them, start blaming themselves immediately and do everything they can to save their marriage which of course just strokes the AP's ego further.



davecarter said:


> Or breaking their legs.


I used to have this mentality till I found out my ex was a serial cheater. So what's alot easier to do? Go beat up every guy my wh0re ex invited over to screw or just dump the wh0re? Is it worth getting arrested because my ex can't keep her legs closed? If it wasn't them then it would of been someone else. I wouldn't be fighting for a noble cause. I'd be coming to the rescue of a skank and there's no honor in that. 

I say. Let them have her. I'm out. As long as, I know I'm not getting played anymore what the hell do I care? She's trash not worth keeping. The BEST revenge is to find an upgrade then flaunt it in her face at every opportunity. She can continue to get pumped and dumped while she watches me treat my new girl like a princess. The resentment will slowly destroy her.


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