# Fear of intimacy



## LivetoDiscover (Aug 22, 2010)

I am a newly wed of only 2 months and have been in a distant relationship for the duration of most of my entire relationship with my now husband. In less than a week I will be moving to be with him. This will be the first time we will live together. My biggest fear is a matter of intimacy. When we are intimate it is amazing for both of us. 

My biggest fear is getting pregnant, now that we will be together on a day to day basis that is more chances of us having sex more often which increases the possibility of pregnancy. I have so much I want to do with my life from a professional and educational standpoint, a child would not be in my best interest for many years. I have taken precautions to prevent pregnancy (i.e. birth control) but as we all know, there is no surefire birth control besides abstinence. As a married women, I really don't think abstinence is possible....and this would be a surefire way down the road of an unhappy marriage. I have so much anxiety about getting pregnant I fear it may interfere and start ruining my sex life. 

Has anyone else had such an extreme anxiety about this? Also, I am very fearful of the sex loosing the "spark" like what I hear happens to so many married people.

What advice does anyone have about how to maintain intimacy in a marriage, what is the best "balance" of not too much and not too less? Do any women have advice about this anxiety I have been feeling?


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## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

Two issues here:
- re: pregnancy - you are right. If you are that concerned you should be very careful. But not to the point of abstinence. Probably a hormonal method (the pill) in combination with a barrier (condom/diaphragm) would be an extremely effective combo, if used exactly as indicated. To lessen the anxiety about pregnancy, discuss the worst case scenario with your husband so it is all out in the open. Husband and I always planned to never have children, but have still discussed many aspects of what we would do if an accident happened. And yes, it would derail my career, but there are lots of worse things in life than becoming pregnant accidentally.

As far as the general anxiety about other things, this is really something you can't worry about yet. If you haven't even lived with your husband, there's no good way to know exactly how day to day life is going to be. I'd recommend reading books on maintaining marriages, and discussing this a lot with your husband. Also just keep an open mind and attempt to worry less. Once you are living with him you will have a better idea of issues that may arise.


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