# annoyed, irritated with marijuana-addicted daughter



## sexy (Jul 29, 2012)

Hi all,

I am kind of annoyed and just need to get it off my chest, so bear with me, o.k?

I posted a while back about my daughter and her drug/marijuana use. She has been to a residential treatment facility and is now out, and doing well. I should be happy, right? I should be THRILLED, RIGHT? Yet I just feel empty and angry at what she has put us through! I am also not comfortable supporting the Alternative Peer Group she belongs to. This Alternative Peer Group is basically an Alcoholics Anonymous group for teens. It deals with all substance abuse (from alcohol to weed to crack and meth). I think my big issue with the whole thing is that this APG takes up LOTS of her time (granted it is summer and idle hands are the Devil's playthings) which takes lots of time away from the rest of the family. My husband has done ALL of the APG support for her and here is the reason why:
We both went with her to the first meeting at a local Baptist church. I was prepared to explore this new thing that I thought was going to be a temporary adjustment. I went into the parking lot, and saw a group of teens hanging around the parking lot smoking. O.K. this did not leave a favorable first impression on me. I asked about this to see if this was a normal event. I was promptly answered by a mother of a son there. She said, "You better get used to it."
I was OUTRAGED!!! My daughter is 16. I don't want her exposed to that!
I made a stink about it and the meeting continued on. 
When we (the parents) went around and introduced ourselves and told our stories as to why we were there, the group leader and veteran parents started telling us about how different we had to do things to deal with ADDICTION! They told us how addiction is a FAMILY DISEASE. UM, huh? They told us how the addict cannot help him or herself, and they need constant and continued support and meetings to continue to stay sober. WHAT?:scratchhead: I am not a person who has ever dealt with drug addiction or alcoholism, so admittedly I am not familiar with this area, but the first thing I felt was CREEPED OUT! I just looked around the room at the others, and the new people seemed lost and bewildered also. The people that creeped me out were the facilitator and the "old timers." (the people who have been going to meetings a while) I felt like people were trying to ADOPT me into a CLAN of codependent people I didn't want to interact with. I am not a "Group" person. I don't like to get involved with people I am not friends or family with. I felt like I was joining a cult or something, (maybe a bit strong, I don't mean like David Koresh or the Branch Davidians or anything), I just felt like people where trying to "assimilate" me. At any rate, I don't know them from Adam, and I really don't want a new family. I have PLENTY of family and friends, and I don't feel comfortable in groups, much less groups of people I don't know. This is not a superior attitude or a "snobby" attitude, I'm just a private person, and I don't like large groups.
I also don't know if I feel comfortable with the mindset of becoming marijuana dependent (Addiction) is a DISEASE. I just don't think that explains the NUMEROUS people I know who used pot in high school and college who have a life, job, family, and NO association with ANY AA group at all. They have these things because they took responsibility and got clean and changed their habits. I just don't like the idea of GROWN ADULTS and older teenagers teaching my 16 year old daughter that She is POWERLESS against drugs, because (through no fault of her own actions or decisions) has a DISEASE. Am I the only person that thinks this sets up a blaming buck-passing mentality? This way of thinking teaches that she will never be free of this, and she will always need that group. I don't agree with that doctrine.
Now having said that, my husband, whom I love more than anyone but my kids, supports the program. He is happy to go along with this APG. Truly, part of me understands his position... She IS doing better, and has not had any relapse yet :smthumbup:. However, he takes her to some group or activity or AA meeting 4 days out of the week! They both stay for hours since parents are supposed to stay and supervise. Meanwhile I stay with my other daughter (She is 12). She has different (younger) interests. I feel that this APG (Alternative Peer Group) is stealing time from my other daughter as well as my husband and myself, and I don't really want my family to become card carrying members of AA just to interact as a family. I personally don't see that a group validating a person's HELPLESSNESS over an illegal substance helps anyone heal. I actually feel like this could convince her that she is less able to handle this. Now before you go flaming me, I'm not a hater of any group, but I do reserve my right to disagree with the views they hold. If anyone has any constructive advice, other than telling me that I'm just overreacting or not happy because I don't want to be, or anything else, I could really use some words of encouragement. I love my daughter and want her to get past this, but I don't want this to SCAR her for LIFE!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

What drug did she go into rehab for?

What do you think would be beneficial for your daughter?

More important: What is your daughters opinion?

Have been through hell with my now 18 yo daughter....she is now straightening her life on HER own. It started when she was 16. 

Give us more info....please (also...you may want to break up your writing as it's difficult to read)


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I tend to agree with you that pot is not chemically addictive in the way alcohol is for people susceptible to alcohol addiction. And it's not physically addictive in the way heroin or cigarettes are.

It can be psychologically addictive if your daughter _thinks _she needs it. I think she just _wants _it, rather than _needs _it physically. 

If the group helps her, it might be worthwhile despite your discomfort. Is the group helping her?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Good for you for questioning the recovery industry. Was she just using pot? While anything can be habit forming, pot simply isn't physically addictive. What is she going to have in common with heroin users or hard core alcoholics? I see this as being more of a behavioral issue than an addiction. What about the marijuana use was particularly problematic, other than the obvious legal issues, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sexy (Jul 29, 2012)

Thanks for all the input guys. I got a lot from your responses. She is doing better, though I think it is due to lack of opportunity rather than what the group is doing. I like that she does group stuff, I do not like that she gets indoctrinated with this powerless message that she has a disease. However, like norajane pointed out if she's doing better (which she is), maybe I can tolerate it for a while. I just do not go to any functions anymore. I stay home away from it, lest I speak my mind and offend everyone. I hope the beginning of school (she is going to a different high school this fall) brings some growth and maturity to her. I just cannot swallow the victim/disease model of this whole thing. 
I agree with norajane and Brocklander that this is behavioral rather than a disease/addiction. That is what upsets me the MOST. Whatever happened to good judgement and responsibility? My 16 year-old doesn't even know the meaning of the words. Sigh.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

sexy said:


> Thanks for all the input guys. I got a lot from your responses. She is doing better, though I think it is due to lack of opportunity rather than what the group is doing. I like that she does group stuff, I do not like that she gets indoctrinated with this powerless message that she has a disease. However, like norajane pointed out if she's doing better (which she is), maybe I can tolerate it for a while. I just do not go to any functions anymore. I stay home away from it, lest I speak my mind and offend everyone. I hope the beginning of school (she is going to a different high school this fall) brings some growth and maturity to her. I just cannot swallow the victim/disease model of this whole thing.
> I agree with norajane and Brocklander that this is behavioral rather than a disease/addiction. That is what upsets me the MOST. Whatever happened to good judgement and responsibility? My 16 year-old doesn't even know the meaning of the words. Sigh.


The fact is that the inpatient facility never should have admitted her in the first place. Did they tell you that by going to that facility that she would not be able to obtain clearance for some government jobs? Of course not, they'll take your 30, 000 dollars gladly despite the fact this is a clearcut case of a behavioral problem easily solved by punishing her sufficiently. Don't listen to all those people saying you'll be dealing with all your life, the fact is that if its just marijuana she'll most likely grow out of it anyway. Not that I think it's acceptable for your daughter to be smoking marijuana, but its probably less bad than her drinking.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

I think that rehab for smoking pot is laughable. Not only is it not addicting, but the people in there for real addiction think its a joke as well. I'm a drummer in a heavy metal band, I've tried just about every drug there is and I dont consider weed a drug. But thats just my opinion. Smoking pot is nowhere near as harmful as cigarettes or drinking alcohol.


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