# I'm going to cool things down with the sex and see if that gets some reaction



## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

Been with my guy for close to a year and have been living together this last while. We've had issues with the sexual side of our relationship from the start. I've tried to talk about it but get shut down and I've noticed lately my self-esteem is taking a nose dive over this so I'm going to change things up by not going that extra mile.

I initiate more often than he does. I wake him up with blowjobs. As foreplay I stroke and lick him. I get no foreplay - after sucking on him forever I'm pretty hot to trot so it's not like I need any but still.

He doesn't get off very easily. From the start he's really sucked with foreplay. Lately he's been going to porn rather than initiating and the last time we made love, as soon as I orgasmed he FAKED one and took off to the bathroom with his smart phone to pull it and get off to porn.

He's still into me though? He's very affectionate and considerate. Huggy and kissy all the time. He's flirty with me all the time. He insists that we have to fall asleep cuddling. If we walk anywhere he needs to hold my hand.

He is definitely visual and looks at other girls lots.

I am about 20 pounds heavier than I should be and I'm feeling like I am completely not attractive to him. I've never been this stressed about losing weight and I've never felt so ugly before.

I can't continue like this. He is so amazing with everything else but this.

I really don't think he's into me sexually and if thats the case, I don't want to be together with him. He keeps making more and more future plans with me so is totally not giving off any signs he's checking out of the relationship so I really can't say for sure. When I've confronted him about it he told me I'm way reading way too much into things and that he's happier than he's ever been in his life - end of discussion. I just don't get it.

So, because my self-esteem just keeps getting worse and worse, I'm going to cool things off a bit and see what happens with this.

No more waking him up with early morning blowjobs. No more initiating sex. And I'm going to start holding back and not orgasm for him either.

I'm guessing this will either get things fixed or start ending them but with how bad I'm feeling all the time lately - somethings gotta give.


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

You've only been together for a year.

Sex has been bad from the start.

He prefers porn to the woman in his bed.

He definately looks at other women. A lot.

He gives you zero foreplay.

Seriously, why are you still with this loser? There are dozens of men on this site alone who would give their left one to have a woman so sexually engaged as you are. In other words, there are plenty of better men out there, go find one of them & leave this dude & his lousey sex to himself.

You said that if he isn't sexually into you you don't want to be with him, so you answered your own question. All I hope is that you have a month-to-month lease so leaving will be easier. 

Your plan to hold back sex should give you the answers you are seeking, or, maybe he will realize what he is about to lose & get his act together. The key is, you MUST be open & honest with him if he seems like he really wants to work on fixing this relationship. He needs to know exactly what he is doing wrong & what you need to make this relationship something that could be long-term, in your mind.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> No more waking him up with early morning blowjobs. No more initiating sex. And I'm going to start holding back and not orgasm for him either.


Heh he'll probably like that, and withdraw from you as well, going back to his porn and checking out other women. Or he can appreciate the space you give him - trust me, it's important for some men.

The missus and I have a very similar problem to your situation. I'm also a man who appreciates a bit of teasing, flirting and romance. It's difficult for some men to get off yes, me included; I need the buildup so to speak. The missus herself knows of what to do, she just can't be bothered half the time. At least she keeps her body toned, skin smooth and pubes trimmed.

So whenever she DOES do it right, I tend to send her into heaven. Too bad she wants the prize without the work since marriage... bah! Your husband sounds a bit like me actually, the thing is, judging by his behaviour and my own experiences it doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you sexually. I'm very into making love with my wife (just not so freakin' frequent), but I'm just not into simply just sex; I love the game, the thrill of chasing.

Here's some advice I gave before to someone else:


> Try teasing him, but give him nothing. Won't usually take long before his own hormones overwhelm him. The challenge is to say no - no matter how much you yourself want it. Say it 'weakly' - don't say no seriously, like if he tries to lift up a skirt or shirt, push it down, take his hand away, 'fight' him, don't make it easy for him, etc etc.


But either then that part of it, considering your hubby ran off to finish himself off... heh there's another issue. There is an art to pleasuring such men physically as well as mentally. Of course, getting in shape is one thing, technique is another. Personally I never got off from BJs except for a key few, one including my wife.

But I don't know, maybe he's not really like me, but try playing the game a little, see how it turns out.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He sounds lazy and you enable it, I guess.


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## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

Thanks for your thoughts. I guess I should have explained a bit more - the sex is good. I've never had a man able to get me off like he does. 

His difficulty reaching orgasm is pretty handy in that regards. I like my sex hard, rough and fast and he'll keep up for a long time making sure I'm satisfied.

The sex itself, I have no issues with. Its how we get there and how it ends that bothers me and has me feeling bad about myself.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

His porn use is why it takes him so long. His hand is better than you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> His porn use is why it takes him so long. His hand is better than you.


:rofl:

@tbp

Ok then, as for how you get there; try what I mentioned. However, I still wonder what type of porn he looks at, find out what turns him on.

As for how it ends; Finding out what turns him on will also find out what gets him off. Personally I find it hard to get off with routine sex without some tease or playing before hand. Your husband may have the same or some other trigger that gets him on heat.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

It's not about you, what you are or are not doing.

He has a porn problem.

Mostly these just get worse, unless he acknowledges it and does some really hard work and values you more then the porn.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Cara said:


> You've only been together for a year.
> 
> Sex has been bad from the start.
> 
> ...


:iagree: I also completely disagree with random dude. The situation is not like his at all.

You are giving more and more hoping he will give back, but you are just allowing him to see that it's fine to treat women like cum recepticles. 

Here is a post I made in another thread. Read the info on how porn changes the brain. It's really not good.



Syrum said:


> Porn is highly, highly addictive, it changes mens brains, the way they view women, how they become aroused, is likely to make them less attracted to their wives or girlfriends (hence they often choose porn over real sex :scratchhead.
> 
> He is putting porn before your relation ship, he is showing you that he is like a child, has poor impulse control, and cannot be trusted. these things are not sexy at all, they will lead to you feeling resentment and not feeling attracted to him. No woman wants a man child.
> 
> ...


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## whammy (Apr 22, 2011)

maybe you should try getting in shape instead of manipulation?


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