# 3 Questions



## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:

1)	What did you learn from all of this?
2)	What mistake will you never make again?
3)	Are you better off now, than before?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

1. That nothing lasts forever
2. Getting married. (Maybe). Hee.
3. Yes and no. Yes because I own my own home now. No because I don't have anyone to have sex with. 

Hahahahaha.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

1) What did you learn from all of this?
Compatibility is key - values, goals, attitudes, interests, sexual style and frequency - along with real desire for each other. It was worth the divorce to have a chance at happiness.

2) What mistake will you never make again?
I'll never again be with someone who is LD and who isn't highly compatible in all ways. And, I'll take my time to find this out - as much as necessary - before making a lasting commitment.

3) Are you better off now, than before?
I'm far better off - I found someone truly compatible in everything that matters. The relationship has stood the test of time and tribulations, and is going strong.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

1. Sometimes, no matter how hard one of you works at it, it comes down to whether you both want to be there. Therefore, before you put all the work into it, make sure the other person really wants to be there. 
2. I won't be in an ltr relationship with an addict or someone who is emotionally unavailable. 
3. Financially - definitely not. Emotionally - yes.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

1. a)That if I have to choose between loving someone and loving myself, I should pick me. Every. Time. b) A divorce is expensive because it's so worth it. 
2. I'll never again make the mistake of trusting blindly.
3. I'm much better off in many ways. I'm financially less well off.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

*1)	What did you learn from all of this?*
That it is vital to choose the right person, one that is compatible in all areas, not just one you love.

*2)	What mistake will you never make again?*
I will never stay longer than I should. Life is too short to waste on anything other than exceptional.

*3)	Are you better off now, than before?*
I am better off emotionally, physically and spiritually. I wear the scars of having my children go through a divorce but it is better than them seeing a sad example of what happiness should be. 

Financially I am better off but my situation is not the norm.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

1) to never get married again to a clearly damaged woman and under no circumstances without a pre-nup
2) to trust blindly and only listen to my head not my heart
3) I am better of financially but hate how my views of people and marriage have changed. Is what it is


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:

*It's been 2.5 years since the separation, a year since the divorce.*

1)	What did you learn from all of this? *Communicate, communicate, communicate. Examine your potential partner's values (and your own). And, you can't ignore differences in those values. They won't go away, they'll become HUGE. I'm talking about financial styles, views on religion, politics, education, etc.*

2)	What mistake will you never make again? *Getting married. My kids are all essentially grown, I'm snipped, and I'm to old to go through it all again. So, I'll date when I'm ready, but always with the expectation of friendship, companionship, intimacy and possibly sex, but not marriage and probably not co-habitation.*

3)	Are you better off now, than before? *I had to really think about this one. I'm much happier without the sniping and battle of wills. I'm sometimes lonely and melancholy, but that's more about the kids growing up and moving-on than the ex leaving. Net-net, it's about a wash...maybe slightly better off. But, on a trajectory to be much better off over time.*


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

papa5280 said:


> .......... Net-net, it's about a wash...maybe slightly better off. But, on a trajectory to be much better off over time.[/B]


Love this statement. All the best for your future


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Justadude said:


> If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:
> 
> 1)	What did you learn from all of this?
> 2)	What mistake will you never make again?
> 3)	Are you better off now, than before?


How to set boundaries and follow through with maintaining them.
See #1
Absolutely!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Justadude said:


> If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:
> 
> 1)	What did you learn from all of this?
> 2)	What mistake will you never make again?
> 3)	Are you better off now, than before?


1) Nice + loving + naive = uh oh.
2) Nice + loving + wary = 
3) Who wants to know, and why is it any of his/her business?


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

1)	What did you learn from all of this?

I learned that one betrayal is enough to end it. Don't try to fix it because it is broken..

I learned to remove the rose colored glasses. I really tried to be the Paladin, knight in shinning armor.. My wife was my Queen and master and I did what I could to treat her as such..

2)	What mistake will you never make again?

Being all in unconditionally. Not letting things go.. Something is wrong. Say something. See something I don't like.. Say something. 

Making sure I get my fair share in the relationship..

3)	Are you better off now, than before?

Extremely.. 

My kids are with ME... I pay no child support.. I have my full pension... All she got was 55k.. 

My ex will never be able to retire, she will never have anything of her own.. She will never be able to afford anything.

Every woman I have met has been younger. better looking and more financially then my Ex will ever be.. 

As one distant friend said on facebook after looking at my profile picture which is me and the current GF.. 

*Dude after looking at your profile pic, whatever you went through with your Ex wife.. All I can say is You won dude, you won..*

And you know what if this G.F. don't work out ( which I hope it does honestly ) there are literally more waiting on the sidelines.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

What did I learn?
If something isn't working, unless both are equally invested in changing things, it isn't ever going to work.

What mistake will I never make again?
I won't take an easy relationship for granted. They need nurturing no matter what.

Am I better off?
1,000,057% Unequivocally. I'm better emotionally, physically, financially....My only regret is waiting so long to cut the cord. Ending my marriage opened up SO many possibilities that I feel my life is more authentic and satisfying than it ever could have been if I'd stayed.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

1) Love doesn't conquer everything
2) I'll never be scared to express what I'm feeling again 
3) Financially and emotionally (and sexually) hell yeah 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## parker (Dec 2, 2012)

1. Do not trust a person until they earn your trust.

2. Trusting him too quickly

2. Not yet


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Justadude said:


> If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:
> 
> 1)	What did you learn from all of this?
> 2)	What mistake will you never make again?
> 3)	Are you better off now, than before?


1) I am strong, smart, kind, and capable. And beautiful! 
2) Not managing my own money. Blindly trusting my SO.
3) Absolutely. Some moments have been really hard but the marriage itself was completely crushing my spirit.


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

Justadude said:


> If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:
> 
> 1)	What did you learn from all of this?
> 2)	What mistake will you never make again?
> 3)	Are you better off now, than before?


1. That nothing lasts forever, and that people will lie to cover up and make the situation better to suit their own gains. Even if you tell the truth you won't be believed at first. That I'm a strong person under it all when I thought I was the weak one for years.
2. Tricky one. Certainly I'll set boundaries from the beginning and that I won't be afraid to walk away. On the plus side I can spot red flags in all types of relationships even including work which is a massive bonus.
3. Financially about even now. Emotionally a work in progress but in terms of happiness absolutely. Nothing is insurmountable now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

firebelly1 said:


> 1. Sometimes, no matter how hard one of you works at it, it comes down to whether you both want to be there. Therefore, before you put all the work into it, make sure the other person really wants to be there.





Dollystanford said:


> 1) Love doesn't conquer everything


Both of these really resonate with me.



papa5280 said:


> 2)	What mistake will you never make again? *Getting married. So, I'll date when I'm ready, but always with the expectation of friendship, companionship, intimacy and possibly sex, but not marriage and probably not co-habitation.*


This is pretty much what I would want.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

1. That I should have left much sooner than I did (20 years). That life is short and years shouldn't be squandered away in misery. That I can do just fine on my own.

2. I will never stay again with anyone where I am not happy. My self-worth is much more important to me now, and I KNOW now when enough is enough.

3. Financially I am fine. But that's because I got a very large settlement. However, my lifestyle is much simpler and much less than the one I had when I was married. Ex was a VERY high wage earner so it's unrealistic for me to expect to have all the houses, properties, cars etc. But I would trade all those material trappings in a heartbeat to have the peace of mind and happiness I now have.

Emotionally, I am WORLDS better off.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> 1) I am strong, smart, kind, and capable. And beautiful!
> 2) Not managing my own money. Blindly trusting my SO.
> 3) Absolutely. Some moments have been really hard but the marriage itself was completely crushing my spirit.


Almost this exactly. My number 2 would be: not listening to my gut and trusting myself.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Justadude said:


> If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



1.) That infidelity can happen to ANYONE. No matter their history, people can and will stray if you don't watch it. Trust your gut. It don't lie. Follow you instincts and verify. 

2.) Ignore my guy instinct. Trust blindly. Love unconditionally. Drop all of my needs for the sake of another. 

3.) In my relationship, yes. I have an extremely hot woman that loves me and wants to sex me all the time. She's kind, sweet and considerate. In return, I am too. Problem is, I don't get to see my three kids everyday and the gatekeeper, when I don't have them, is a raving lunatic on steroids


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Justadude said:


> If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:
> 
> 1)	What did you learn from all of this?
> 
> ...


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

1)What did you learn from all of this?

I learned that my "gut" was right all along. I now trust it completely. I may not know "why" immediately, but if I feel that something is wrong, I proceed with caution.

2)What mistake will you never make again?

I will never allow anyone to ever bully me again. I will never be "controlled" again. I can stand solid on my own two feet and need no one to redefine me, use me, or manipulate me. Never going to happen again.

3)Are you better off now, than before?

Absolutely YES!!! Financially better off. Liberated. Free to laugh and enjoy life. Free to make my own decisions. Free to live my life on my own terms.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm going to add, don't marry someone who is a good match on paper, is a good provider/mother, or lacks any problems, unless you ALSO feel passion for them - and they for you as well. Many women will marry the good prospect to have a good life, but unless there is also passion, it is unlikely to work out well long-term.


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## me2pointoh (Jan 31, 2012)

bravenewworld said:


> 1) I am strong, smart, kind, and capable. And beautiful!
> 2) Not managing my own money. Blindly trusting my SO.
> 3) Absolutely. Some moments have been really hard but the marriage itself was completely crushing my spirit.


I could have written exactly this. Okay well I'm working on the "capable" part but I WILL get there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kerosene Hat (Nov 12, 2013)

1) A few things. Don't marry or get engaged b/c that's you're "supposed to do". Look for a strong match, intellectually, emotionally, morally. 

2) Don't be afraid to speak up about what you need/want/feel in a relationship. Identify red flags early, confront them and, if necessary, cut the cord if bad patterns emerge. There's nothing worse than being stuck in a negative cycle with a "partner". Also, when there is smoke, there is most likely fire - don't trust a woman who puts herself in compromising positions and/or spends more time with her friends than with you (if at the point of serious commitment). 

3) My divorce is so recent, I am still up & down. Generally, more up than down emotionally. Rationally, this is the best thing that could happen to me; the POSXW was really crazy, unintelligent and did so much "programming" on me that I am still recovering my sense of self. Nobody's taking that again and the POSXW isn't ruining my life for me. She made a huge mistake by leaving and I'm not looking back. 

Financially, I am much better than her; she's already trying to hock her engagement ring to fund a non-existent retirement account. She got $16K from me after < 2 years of marriage; no alimony, no health insurance to fund, my mortgage is mine alone, my house belongs to me alone. She'll never have the security I brought her unless she lucks into it again; wishing her nothing but neutral feelings as she stumbles through her life. 

Emotionally & sexually, I am better off; I can (and have) been able to meet several women with whom I can share a nice time, physical closeness and who appreciate me. It's nice to go from being told you are a royal jerk to having several people want to be with you & managing schedules to make time for the interested & deserving parties.


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## waroftheroses (Dec 30, 2011)

1)	What did you learn from all of this?
2)	What mistake will you never make again?
3)	Are you better off now, than before?

(1) Trust your gut...it never lies...Once its broken its like sour milk...no matter what you do it leaves a bitter taste.

(2) I will never be subservient again...my feelings...my needs ...and wants are as important as the other persons.

(3) Yes...I own my house, just purchased a new car ha ha ha and my motorbike gives me the freedom of the open road on a sunny day...(just sayin) :smthumbup:


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Justadude said:


> If you are divorced or almost divorced, I have 3 questions for you:
> 
> 1)	What did you learn from all of this?
> 2)	What mistake will you never make again?
> 3)	Are you better off now, than before?


1. More about myself than I ever had previously and that self discovery and progression should never stop. The man I was, the man I am, and the man I will be are and always were worthy of love and respect, from others and from myself. 

2. Not realizing #1.

3. Absolutely. Is life more difficult now? Certainly. Is it more fulfilling? Yes, because I am less afraid.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

1) What did you learn from all of this?
Never assume something will last. Realise things always evolve. Appreciate things.

2) What mistake will you never make again?
Never plan for when I'm 80. Again, don't assume something 
will last.

3)	Are you better off now, than before? 
I'm different than before. I found a person who is more like myself, but now I lack the innocence that made me so daring and happy in the previous relationship.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> 1) What did you learn from all of this?
> Never assume something will last. Realise things always evolve. Appreciate things.
> 
> 2) What mistake will you never make again?
> ...


Wisdom is a double-edged sword.


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