# I found out my husband watches cam girls



## Abella

Previous post got lost so am putting it out there again.I’ve been married for few years. He’s always been a good, supportive guy. Ive dated many men before him and so have experienced different relationships to believe, he is the perfect one. I’m a social butterfly, he’s a home body. Our differences work so if I go out and he’s not interested to come I don’t force him. Even if it’s an overnight trip. He lets me go and trust me. That’s what a relationship is based on right, trust and I never felt worried. So it feels good to have this relationship since I had an ex who was always jealous and controlling in my past.
Recently he provided me his email pw to check on a status for last minute travel confirmation. He was at work and had no time to check. I was surprise he gave me his email pw. So I searched and to my shock and horror also found receipts to live cam girl sites.
I was not sure what that site was and what you’d pay for. So I did some research and even created an account to understand. I was floored to find out, it’s a live cam girl site. I didn’t even know about this world.
I even was able to access his account & see the purchase he made, the girls he interacted with and even the private messages the girls sent. These cam girls messages dates back 3-5 years ago so they are old but new to me. & it was druring our early marriage. They called him babe, hunny, said I love you and enjoyed the chats and cumming together and basically inviting him to come back because they missed him. I know it’s part of their ploy to just feel back the guys in to spend their money. I know that the girls say that to every man.

He never responded to private messages which I am happy about but also am mad to find that he could have performed sexual acts with them even if it was virtual!
His recent activity was just last month, and looking at it it’s when I am not home. Of course I am feeling all emotions, and very angry. I controlled myself and evaluated myself and why he could turn to this… sadly it had been going on throughout our marriage! It was like his hidden life. And yes it could be something he did prior to me. But it continued even after marriage! I had no clue about. He always wants sex with me and times I’m tired and don’t feel in the mood.

So in this findings, I decided to work on my marriage and myself. I am shy and do have sexual cravings I haven’t acted on. This experience has caused me to be sexy, confident, show my husband what he has and we have had an amazing sex life since my change in being adventurous. We do have daily sex and am working to not being selfish (listening to my husbands needs and also mine) Our relationship has gotten closer. I sooo wanted to confront him so bad but then I’d be fessing up to snooping. So I was torn but decided to talk to him about porn which he confessed to watch and then I ask if he watched cam girls, he lied and said no. Probably due to embarrassment and fear of what I’d do.
Well He ended up closing his account to this cam girl site twice within a 2 week time frame just couple of weeks ago. I was relieved. BUT I still had his pw and checked daily if he opened it again or if any other sex emails would come up. It became an obsession. I was checking his email daily. I didn’t like how I was doing that but I couldn’t help it!
Then just a week ago we were watching a movie and surprisingly a there was a question in the movie. “Do wives have their husbands passwords?” the actor responded answering “no”.
The next day I go to check his email and he changed his pw! I was floored and anxious that I now don’t have access to check on his email activity.
I feel upset and also a little bit of relief that maybe it’s a good thing so I won’t be obsessing over checking his email.
But I’m torn, I know marriage is built on Trust and I am hurt to find this secret out. I am looking at pros and cons of our relationship and working to heal myself, so I won’t feel like I need to divorce my husband.
Like pros: he shows me affection, our sex life is great, he is easy going, he trusts me. Supportive. He hasnt met up with a female in person and physically cheated. He runs a tight schedule with work & he doesn’t go out with friends late night often.
Cons: what if he does it again, how can I know if I can’t access his accounts, what if he spends money on cam girls, isn’t this an sick addiction? How long will it last? If I do confront him he may just lie.
How can I move on and be normal to just trust presently.. going forward?
we don’t share pw so to ask him I would feel weird and possible end up getting pissed off if he denied me. he doesn’t ask access to any of my accounts. He feels we are individuals with our own privacy entitlement.
has anyone been through this before?
Should I just let it go and trust him so I can move on from my insecurities? I’m afraid to go on an overnight trip now for fear he will seek cam girls for pleasure when I’m not around.

I don’t mind porn as it’s prerecorded but live cam girls is another level which has intimacy and interactive and plainly virtual sex. So to me it is cheating. And it weighs heavy on my mind and body. I’ve been actually cheated on before with an ex fiancé so of course it’s natural for me to want to snoop to feel like I need to have them earn my trust again.


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## MattMatt

He is cheating.


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## frenchpaddy

for me I can't understand how a man would pay good money for this , 
i don't know what goes on with cam girls how much of the girls are free workers and how much are trapped in the sex trade I have no idea , 
addiction yes I think it could be , to me it is a form of porn but can see how it could become more addiction 

what do you want us to tell you , 
he did trust you with his pw 
he might have got addiction to cam girls porn before he know you
he might have put that behind him , 
hat you did was not right as you got his pw and abused it all so 

if I was you to would talk to him and find out where he is with it now and both have to rebuild trust


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## Sfort

MattMatt said:


> He is cheating.


Wow, you blew that one out of the water. I wish you had quoted the original post.


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## bobert

Sfort said:


> Wow, you blew that one out of the water. I wish you had quoted the original post.


Long story short, the husband is a homebody and never goes anywhere but doesn't care that his wife is more of a social butterfly. They have a good sex life. He gave his email password to the OP, to check a reservation, and she snooped on the rest (being cheated on in a prior engagement). She found receipts from a camgirls site dating 3-5 years ago. She logged into his profile and saw who he was jerking off to. There was also private messages from the cam girls but no responses from him. She confronted, he admitted to porn but denied the cam girls. Then he changed his email password and she's worried he's still watching and interacting with cam girls.

Not sure I would have jumped to "he's cheating" but...


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## MattMatt

bobert said:


> Long story short, the husband is a homebody and never goes anywhere but doesn't care that his wife is more of a social butterfly. They have a good sex life. He gave his email password to the OP, to check a reservation, and she snooped on the rest (being cheated on in a prior engagement). She found receipts from a camgirls site dating 3-5 years ago. She logged into his profile and saw who he was jerking off to. There was also private messages from the cam girls but no responses from him. She confronted, he admitted to porn but denied the cam girls. Then he changed his email password and she's worried he's still watching and interacting with cam girls.
> 
> Not sure I would have jumped to "he's cheating" but...


He was having online relationships with women, therefore he was cheating with them.


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## bobert

MattMatt said:


> He was having online relationships with women, therefore he was cheating with them.


True, but it was 3-5 years ago as far as the OP knew. So it's not guaranteed he's cheat_ing_. Cheat_ed_, maybe.


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## frenchpaddy

to have a good relationship you have to build trust , 
to build trust you have to put the relationship in a place where you both can feel safe , 
you had made your husband feel safe that he could give you his PW You abused his trust 
and have done a lot of damage to his safe place , 
what you did was very wrong as you looked back through years of emails 
It might look like I am justifying his part I am not and will get to him after 
but I must stress to you first what I see in your post and as your the one posting it is most important to talk to the op first 

you had built a good relationship 
you had a husband that you made him feel so good and safe that he was able trust you with his email PW 
he gave you a gun to feel and you used it on him. 
if you want to get back to where you were before you have to understand that what you did is worse that what you found 

The TRUST has been damaged in your relationship by two people 
but he as you said WAS addiction TO THIS FORM OF PORN, 
what ever you brought into your relationship got him away from this addiction 
you had built a safe place where he could feel it was ok to give you his PW
and you CHEATED HIS TRUST , 

the others will deal with the things I have no experience and they will be right as this man had an addiction 
you had helped him away from it now you need to fix what you damaged 
i LOOK on you post from the angle that ALL WAS GOOD 
IT might have been built with some sand and clay but you even though you had damage 
from a past relationship built something GOOD with this man ,

now you need to fix the damage you have to talk to him 
but not from a point of the high ground as you are ALL SO guilty of things 
you have to show him that you can be trusted with knowing and not holding his past against him 
it is a story of let HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN THROUGH THE FIRST STONE 

IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU CAN GET PAST his past addiction 
you have something very good you can get back to there again and even better if you deal with the info you have found in a good way talk to him in a way that you understand you did a bad thing and that you found out that he had an addiction and that you don't hold it against him but are happy that he was able to get past his addiction


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## Blondilocks

The cam girls aren't doing it for free.

Privacy in marriage extends to the bathroom and that's it. Don't let someone riddle you with guilt for looking through his e-mails. It's horseshit that what you did is worse than what he did.

I'd put it all on the table and demand transparency. Or, you can keep rewarding him for cheating on you and respect his privacy and his right to cheat on you again. Because he will - take it to the bank.


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## hamadryad

Imagine if we all had a key to each others brain? I mean, why stop at the PC....Maybe we all need to know exactly every thought and whim of our partner so that we know everything that is going on in their heads...

You have a right to be upset about it, anyone in the same circumstances would...And bringing it up is something you should do...But this type of intrusion and constant suspicion could ruin the marriage...If that's what you need, fine, but just bear that in mind...

Also, while some on here are going to disagree, I will tell you that most men will view images of sexy/nude women besides their wives or gf's...There are even studies that show this is actually healthy if not done to excess/obsession....Especially now, where it's so accessible....But this isn't anything new, btw...ALL of the dad's, uncles. etc, had porn stashes in their houses back in the 70;s when I was a kid...And looking back on it, some of these couples were what I would consider ideal marriages that lasted until they died...

I do believe that the interactive nature with a live person(and paying for it) of what your husband was doing was taking it to another level...I think that is something to be concerned about and get to the bottom of...That, is unacceptable..

I dunno...I am kinda with the french guy on this one...


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## Blondilocks

I think what's good for the goose is good for the gander. She can ask her husband if he knows of any cam sites featuring men because she'd like to imagine getting some strange. Of course, it will come out of the family budget.


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## Pip’sJourney

There are a couple of issues going on here;

1. He gave you the access to the account via his password. If there was something he was ashamed of, then he should have deleted it.. or at least warned you to not look. He gave you permission to look.

2. Getting angry about him using cam girls has 2 problems... money and sex from someone other than you. Granted it was fantasy and he did not actually touch her.. but the intention was there.. and keeping the money aspect from you is also not right.

3. Changing the password later..why..why if there was nothing to hide?

You need to sit down and talk to each other.. Bare your souls and hash it out. Tell him what you found and how it made you feel.. right or wrong. I read this on here somewhere; Maturity is facing the consequences of your actions and choices. Both of you have some facing together if you want this to work.


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## frenchpaddy

Pip’sJourney said:


> There are a couple of issues going on here;
> 
> 1. He gave you the access to the account via his password. If there was something he was ashamed of, then he should have deleted it.. or at least warned you to not look. He gave you permission to look.
> 
> 2. Getting angry about him using cam girls has 2 problems... money and sex from someone other than you. Granted it was fantasy and he did not actually touch her.. but the intention was there.. and keeping the money aspect from you is also not right.
> 
> 3. Changing the password later..why..why if there was nothing to hide?
> 
> You need to sit down and talk to each other.. Bare your souls and hash it out. Tell him what you found and how it made you feel.. right or wrong. I read this on here somewhere; Maturity is facing the consequences of your actions and choices. Both of you have some facing together if you want this to work.


sorry in no way did he give her permission to look. not at what emails he got and sent not last week not last year and going back many years is more than taking it far ,
she asked to use his email because her email was not working , she did not ask for permission to look.

the rest I agree with his porn and web cam use but two wrongs does not make a right 

I all so agree with the point you make about changing the password now when they both know what the story is 
they need to explain how they feel and what they are willing to do about it and now there has to be a open emails and open about all things on both sides there is no putting the cat back in the bag now , and locking up the emails and changing the PW is only a way of ending the relationship sooner or later


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## CatholicDad

My last post was too religious apparently and got deleted. I think you’d be justified in an annulment/divorce. Clearly he has no intention of being faithful. If his porn escalated to cam girls he’ll likely escalate into further creepiness.


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