# How to approach?



## cd13 (Nov 20, 2011)

Need to know how to handle a situation. My wife does not seem to have the same view of how serious this is. We got home from a quick trip, had a nice day. When we got back to the house, the dog had destroyed my pillow. Every time we come home from being gone for more than a couple of hours, she has destroyed something. Clearly, this was frustrating. I was bringing the kids in from the car, so she got in the house before me. Upon entering, I saw what had happened, again, and said "really?". At this point, my wife immediately starts yelling at me as though it was my fault because I left the pillow out. Two times, I told her to stop, because it was just aggrevating me more than she would really try and put the blame on me.... I walked out to get our other kid. Came back in, she continued to put the blame on me. I can't explain how frustrating that in and of itself was for me. I went downstairs to the bathroom and slammed the door. Yes, I'm aware this isn't really something an adult should do. Stewed on the situation for a few minutes and right or wrong (wrong), wanted to prove my point and went to take the pillow from her, saying that if she wanted to defend her dog in this situation, she can be the one to sleep without a pillow. She immediately starts screaming obsenities at me with our kids present. Telling me to "go f myself" and "f off". She was pulling on the collar of my shirt attempting to keep me from taking the pillow and then proceeded to hit me in the head in front of our children. I left immediately and came downstairs to the couch where she followed, screaming some more. I told her she was out of control and needed to get away from me. After the altercation was over, she continued to tell me that this was all my fault. I tried telling her repeatedly that there is no excuse to ever get to the point that she took things, especially in front of the kids and that she should be embarrassed. To this point a day later, I still have not been given an apology or even approached about the situation. 

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Your wife is either clinically insane and should be committed to an institution immediately or you're leaving a lot out of this story.

Which is it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

You need to call her out on this bad behavior and quick....

Tell her what she did was 100% unacceptable and if she ever does anything like that again then she can just walk out that door before you throw her out. Tell her you absolutely wont tolerate screaming, rage and being beaten by her. Over a freaking pillow. Tell her this is her only warning on this topic.

Leave it at that and see what happens


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

OMG! I would be tempted to call the police and file a report! Under no circumstances should anyone ever use their hands/object to hit another person.... period! That whole scene was uncalled for. I personally would question why you are staying in an abusing relationship. She is verbally/emotionally and physically abusive. Next time she hits, call the police and leave. 

Also, put the dog in the crate next time you go. The dog may or may not outgrow the separation anxiety. Our dogs did grow out of it. My ex husband was very verbally abusive, I left. I'm so much happier now that I live in a very calm environment. My husband and I have been married 12 years and neither of us have ever raised our voice towards on another. We don't argue either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cd13 (Nov 20, 2011)

Only part I left out is her saying that she was also angry because she claims I woke the kids up. This was not true in any way though. Both kids were awake when I got them out of the car.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

How did you feel about the dog prior to this episode?

Has the dog been a stressor in your life?

I ask because this situation sounds more like a blow up over long simmering resentment and not an out of the blue thing.

I also ask because it was your pillow the dog chose to destroy.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

cd13 said:


> Only part I left out is her saying that she was also angry because she claims I woke the kids up. This was not true in any way though. Both kids were awake when I got them out of the car.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It doesn't matter why, she should of NEVER acted out in that way.

By doing this in front of the kids, she is teaching them that it is okay to scream, swear, and hit. This is not in an environment how I would want my kids to be brought up. Your kids in return will/may treat their friends, teachers and adults in this manner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oldfashioned1 (Oct 26, 2011)

Put the dog in a cage
Put the wife in a cage. lol 
But on a serious note. My parents divorced when I was four years old due to my mother acting like that. She continued on to treat me like that for the next 14 years. To this day (I'm 39 yrs old), if I am around people shouting or confrontaition, I start to shake and hyperventilate. So, with that said, your wifes behavior is not normal, it's not a good way to live for you or your children. Leave, it will be hard, but it's better for all involved. And...try to take the kids with you -for their mental health.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Lots of questions

1. Why are you not crating the dog f you know it destroys something every time?
2. has your wife done this before?
3. did something else happen? 

You are leaving out too muach background and history to get any meaningful response. 

I did note tho that you are focused on an apology. Thats the least of your problems

4. Are passive aggressive with her?

She seem irrationally upset with you.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

cd13 said:


> Stewed on the situation for a few minutes and right or wrong (wrong), wanted to prove my point and went to take the pillow from her, saying that if she wanted to defend her dog in this situation, she can be the one to sleep without a pillow.


How'd that work out for you?? 

Seriously, her blow-up sounds more like a resentment boiling from something else. I can't imagine all that over a pillow. Has she had these types of lash outs before? She seems like an angry person. I'd have jumped in the car and gone to purchase another pillow AND a crate for the dog, since she's been known to destroy things before. Your W seems to be excessive. 

On a side note, you both are to blame for the dog destroying the pillow. You said yourself every time y'all leave the house for a few hours, something is destroyed. Crate the dog or put her outside when you are gone.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

The next time she hits you, call the police and have her arrested. Once she is safely (for you) ensconced in the pokey, pack her things and move her out. That is a top-tier dealbreaker IMO.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

mr.miketastic said:


> The next time she hits you, call the police and have her arrested. Once she is safely (for you) ensconced in the pokey, pack her things and move her out. That is a top-tier dealbreaker IMO.


I think the OP bears some of the responsibility for his W actually getting physical with him, sorry if that's not a popular view here. But he did take her pillow, which is a bit of an instigation on his part, especially given that she was already pissed when he did it. Sorry, just my opinion. Not excusing her hitting him, but she didn't hit him just to hit him, she was trying to get her pillow back, which he shouldn't have taken in the first place.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Cherry said:


> I think the OP bears some of the responsibility for his W actually getting physical with him, sorry if that's not a popular view here. But he did take her pillow, which is a bit of an instigation on his part, especially given that she was already pissed when he did it. Sorry, just my opinion. Not excusing her hitting him, but she didn't hit him just to hit him, she was trying to get her pillow back, which he shouldn't have taken in the first place.


I don't think there are very many excuses for hitting your spouse. What if the roles were reversed? What if she took the pillow and he started smacking her around? Officer: "Ma'am, why did you assault your husband?"
Ma'am: "Because he took my pillow!"
Officer:"I see, well since there are no laws about pillow-taking, I'm afraid that you are under arrest for battery, which is against the law. You have the right....."


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

mr.miketastic said:


> I don't think there are very many excuses for hitting your spouse. What if the roles were reversed? What if she took the pillow and he started smacking her around? Officer: "Ma'am, why did you assault your husband?"
> Ma'am: "Because he took my pillow!"
> Officer:"I see, well since there are no laws about pillow-taking, I'm afraid that you are under arrest for battery, which is against the law. You have the right....."


I'm just saying that a spouse should not continue to an already upset spouse. Everyone should walk away and cool off... Not try and make a point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Cherry said:


> I'm just saying that a spouse should not continue to an already upset spouse. Everyone should walk away and cool off... Not try and make a point.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can agree. in the first place, his wife probably should have laid off the nagging, cursing and hounding and maybe her pillow would not have been touched, thus causing her to hit him in front of the children. I can totally see that as his fault! :scratchhead:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Cherry said:


> I think the OP bears some of the responsibility for his W actually getting physical with him, sorry if that's not a popular view here. But he did take her pillow, which is a bit of an instigation on his part, especially given that she was already pissed when he did it. Sorry, just my opinion. Not excusing her hitting him, but she didn't hit him just to hit him, she was trying to get her pillow back, which he shouldn't have taken in the first place.


If a man had come here and posted what you just did, he would be strung up. What this wife did is completely wrong and there are no excuses for her behavior. None. It was a pillow and she flipped her sh!t and then assaulted him AND in front of their children. She should be in jail.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> If a man had come here and posted what you just did, he would be strung up. What this wife did is completely wrong and there are no excuses for her behavior. None. It was a pillow and she flipped her sh!t and then assaulted him AND in front of their children. She should be in jail.


I agree.

Although, while I don't agree with domestic violence, I DO agree that some people push their mate way too far and then act shocked that they were socked. That's male AND female. People need to know when to STFU and to walk away.


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## oldfashioned1 (Oct 26, 2011)

I have been reading peoples responses and then I looked back at your original post. How to approach was the subject line.

I had an idea: If you have a cell phone with a video camera, next time she does something like that, try and take it out and stand it up so it can tape her(or at least record the audio) . Make it look like your just setting your phone down. No-one looks good yelling and most people are embarassed to see or hear themselves acting like that. So maybe it would work to play it back a couple of days later and let the video speak for itself. If she doesn't get it then, she probably never will. But, i would think she would be embarassed and would watch her temper in the future.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> I agree.
> 
> Although, while I don't agree with domestic violence, I DO agree that some people push their mate way too far and then act shocked that they were socked. That's male AND female. People need to know when to STFU and to walk away.


That's really all I was trying to say. Neither spouse deserves to be hit over anything. Sorry, I was not hands down defending the W in her seemingly blatant over reaction to a pillow fight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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