# Does sex require a different energy for women?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

One of my x wife's most frequent excuses for not wanting sex was that she was tired. I will admit, she did have a physically draining job, but she always seemed to have energy for everything else.

If her family dropped by and wanted to play volleyball or something, she had energy. She always had energy for holiday and family activities. She always had energy for special things like helping to plan a wedding or baby shower, but she always used being tired as an excuse for not wanting sex.

Not to be funny, but sex wouldn't take nearly as long as volleyball or some other activity. I never required any special energy for sex. Even if i was too exhausted to do other things, I could always find enough energy for sex. I've even been sick before, yet could have had sex had my wife been willing. 

So, does sex require a special kind of energy for women, or is it just an excuse?


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

I say it's mostly an excuse. My wife pulls the "I'm tired" thing. I'll let it pass twice in a row, with commentary, but if she tries it a third time then I become mysteriously tired, myself. Too tired to do all those little things she looks forward to. If she has energy for everything else in her life, then I should be on that list, too. 

What they're really saying is "I don't have the mental energy to engage you sexually in the way that I want to, so I'd rather just not go there at all rather than have a disappointing experience." All very well and good if you're female, and don't have testosterone making you plummet into a pit of self-doubt and low self-esteem . . . but at least she'll be well rested for the IMPORTANT things. Like the stuff SHE likes.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Sex for women is in our heads. The energy it takes is mental energy to get in the mood. And the fact is, it is tiring because we don't feel it. Work on getting her mind in the mood all day long, and then it won't be so much work to get her ready for it. Always give lots of affection, not just when you want sex. And her mind will be more primed for the action.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

southbound said:


> So, does sex require a special kind of energy for women, or is it just an excuse?


If you two sext all day long, I bet she would have the energy then!! My H does this with me and I can't wait to rip his clothes off by the time he gets home!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Kind of. I know that right now, I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, and having sex just would not happen right now. But...at this moment, I'm also completely lacking the energy to do anything else, too. 

Sometimes, all those other activities can make us too exhausted for sex. But if it's always making us too tired, then it's time to cut back on some of the other activities. 

I also agree that there is a certain amount of it that is mental. My ex always thought that he could kiss me, grab a boob, and I'd be ready to go. Not the way it works. Let her know it's coming, build the anticipation all day. Tell her you can't wait to get her alone, that you're dying to be close to her, etc. Once she starts thinking about it, she likely won't be able to stop, and then when you're ready, she'll be more open to getting into it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> So, does sex require a special kind of energy for women, or is it just an excuse?


 Pure unadulerated excuses. If she could muster up Volleyball time at the drop of a hat, helping others, always energy for Holiday 
activities (now this can be exhausting - even I complain) - she was 
not lacking sufficient energy to live as any other woman who pleases & gives to their men at night. 

I can honestly say I don't think I have ever used the "tired" excuse my entire marraige. (I just asked my husband & he says he does not remember me ever saying that). I have hinted that I would rather read a book, watch this movie, or can you wait till tomorrow or something that was accually true of what I was feeling. 

I think many women "use" this -as it gets them off the hook so very nicely / easily. .....OR the thought suddenly makes them feel tired (which I think is really more an attitude we choose). 

Example: I can tell you I HATE to play monopoly with my kids, I almost dread it, It seems as soon as I sit down, I start yawning. They know I hate it, I don't lie about it. I have even fell on the floor dramatically in the middle of the game yawning so bad that I want it over -to get out of it. Yes, I know I am a terrible mom!!! But this really *IS* an attitude ( a bad one) , cause if I knew sex was around the corner, I would be suddenly energized in a heart beat. 

But really, if a woman suddenly starts acting drained, been a long day, ready to kill over, what "good" man will want to argue with her & contining initiating>>> he then would feel lousy to pursue his own selfish needs- it suddenly makes HIM the bad guy. Very convenient for the woman.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Maybe she meant she doesn't have the drive.

When my kids were itty bitty, I never had the drive. I did a lot of other things but never s.ex. I did kind of feel like it was too much work. I know, we just lay there while the guy does all the work but still, it's too much work to lift the legs up or flip on our backs.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I watched a few videos of male strippers. 

In those clubs, there were a lot of women, all kinds of different women, the screaming and excitement you hear is incredible, the tips they give are generous too, his underwear was full of money after a few minutes...................I am sure they have energy and sexual desire for that handsome strong looking stripper. 

For men who have wives say they don't have sex drive, I doubt that their sex drive is biologically low, maybe their sex drive is low for the men they are married to, but high for other men who they fantasize about.



I have been tired due to my trip, I am horny when I am awake(only a few hours), but when I am sleepy, I go to bed right away, no energy for anything, but this only lasts me for a few days, today is Valentine's Day, we don't buy gifts or anything, but I told my husband I want sex three times today, and I am going to make it no matter how tired and how busy we are. Willingness to do it matters!


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## Sierra61 (Feb 22, 2010)

Any woman that says they are "too tired" for sex all the time is making an excuse. I understand that everyone is too tired or not in the mood sometimes. I'm talking about women who say this constantly.

I will guarantee you that the women who make this lame excuse ("I'm too tired!") are not too tired to get on their Facebook all evening, watch TV, go shopping or talk on the phones with their friends. 

It's all about priorities.

I've been married over 20 years to my husband and we have had sex a hour or two after we've both run marathons. So if we can do it after running 26.2 miles, other women can do it.


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

Just an excuse. Plain and simple. Don't over think it. The problem is you go so long without sex you get paranoid that YOUR the problem or YOU are being unreasonable. Then you feel guilty for wanting sex at all because the other person is so great in every other way. NOW there the victims? You don't even have the ditto right to be mad anymore, your the selfish one. How the heck did this sick twisted role reversal happen? 

No. It's just excuses. Sorry for venting MY problems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

My Wife admitted a while back that it was just an excuse she used to get out of it. After our marriage counselor told her to just have sex anyways, that excuse now only works if she is actually tired lol.


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

I'm really only in the mood for it on the weekends. After 11 hours in a flourescent-lighted cubicle, staring at a screen, sex does tend to feel like another chore. But when we're both rested and relaxed on weekends I could do it all day! I indulge my Hubby on weeknights too, just because I want him to be happy, but I'm not nearly as into it as on weekends. Definitely a mental thing and I agree with the above poster that women really need hours of subtle mental prep to be 110% into it--nothing special, just a hint or 2 or 3 throughout the day would do it.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

My Wife hates the hints.. If I actually hint at it earlier in the day, the chances of it actually happen go down..

But doing other things, like random text messages telling her I think she is hawt works wonders..


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Yes, I agree with Tool--when I said "hints" I meant saying things that imply more of the "you're so irresistibly sexy" and less of the "I want something from you later on today"


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Sex for women is in our heads. The energy it takes is mental energy to get in the mood. And the fact is, it is tiring because we don't feel it. Work on getting her mind in the mood all day long, and then it won't be so much work to get her ready for it. Always give lots of affection, not just when you want sex. And her mind will be more primed for the action.


And prepare yourself for disappointment, as well. No matter how much effort and energy you put into "getting her mind in the mood", all it takes is one little uncontrollable thing and you're going to sleep with azure testicles . . . again. Relying on a woman's mood staying in a steady state for more than five minutes is like relying on a man's ability to be in a sports bar during the superbowl and not watching.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

IanIronwood said:


> I say it's mostly an excuse. My wife pulls the "I'm tired" thing. I'll let it pass twice in a row, with commentary, but if she tries it a third time then I become mysteriously tired, myself. Too tired to do all those little things she looks forward to. If she has energy for everything else in her life, then I should be on that list, too.


I do the same thing, but I have a different approach for the 3rd.. Instead of getting mysteriously tired.. I remember things she use to nag at me about, you know the things I changed about myself so she would want me. And I start over doing it. And then nag at her the same way she used to nag at me. That always gets the point across and prevents resentment from her.

She will say something like, wow you sound just like me.. And mysteriously she isnt tired anymore..


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Tool said:


> I do the same thing, but I have a different approach for the 3rd.. Instead of getting mysteriously tired.. I remember things she use to nag at me about, you know the things I changed about myself so she would want me. And I start over doing it. And then nag at her the same way she used to nag at me. That always gets the point across and prevents resentment from her.
> 
> She will say something like, wow you sound just like me.. And mysteriously she isnt tired anymore..


Heh. I cured my wife's nagging. She'll ask me politely or respectfully to do something, but go no further once I've agreed that it is on the agenda. You know how?


I told her that nagging was an intense turn-on for me, and I couldn't resist tearing her clothes off. Worked like a charm.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

Wow that is a good one!!

I think I might get kicked in the balls if I pulled that lol.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Tool said:


> Wow that is a good one!!
> 
> I think I might get kicked in the balls if I pulled that lol.


You might. But dude. TOTALLY worth it.

Just start small: when she nags you next, tell her how hot she is. Increase your level of interest and "uncontrollable" desire with each successive nag. Eventually, when she starts in on you about the garage AGAIN, just start disrobing and leering. 

She'll stop.

TOTALLY worth it.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

Well she doesn't nag anymore, but if she starts it up again ill go for it.


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