# Any omega guys on here? Former omegas?



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Cause really I think I am one, I know I am.

You all see the internet forum version of me, when I'm on here I have my head on pretty straight - it is just like how it is in my own mind. I know what I like and don't like, want and don't want... but it doesn't translate into reality at all.

I have not a single friend I have to want to call, talk to or do anything with. There are two guys who I will do things with once in awhile - one I've known for over a decade and he's been a great friend helping with divorce but I don't really enjoy his company all that much, we have many different interests and complete different personalities, however he is divorced and has his daughter half time so we can still sort of relate to each other. But with him if he could be doing any one thing it would be salsa dancing and if it were me I'd be hiking through the wilderness.

My other buddy is single, never married no kids, works for the same company - he is great to hang out with on a weekend to drink beer with, he loves snowboarding and I'd be going to the mountains with him a lot more if I could. But he has also tolerated a lot of sob stories about my divorce and I really don't want to wear out that friendship so I don't call him too often - plus he has a busy social life.

So again it's me and my son, stuck in the house with nothing to do. I could come up with ideas but my son has already picked up so much of the resistant behaviors and attitudes I seem to have, not wanting to change things up. He still has tons of enthusiasm, which I suppose he gets from his mom, but it is reserved only for things he wants, and nothing that we could do together.

I have always been like this, and I've realized for some time just how stifling I was for my ex. I was never "selfish" but after reading so many complaints about relationships on here and in general I realize there were so many considerations I never gave her - it wasn't stuff that I did for myself that I chose not to do for her - I was always, constantly considerate of my actions and making sure to do for her more than I did for myself, there was just nothing I did for myself. The things that would have made her feel loved were things that were so difficult for me to acknowledge or act on, because I just am a man of no action. It is genetic or learned, I have it just like my father. Unless there is somewhere I'm "supposed" to be you will find me on the couch, or sleeping in, or browsing news sites on the internet. Him and I have self-diagnosed with ADD, I don't have a clue if that is accurate, it's just we never sink our teeth into anything.

As for my ex, I almost feel relief for her that she got out and is pursuing her dreams and seeming to have some success. But it hits me with the truth that I really was a cause of so much anguish for her.

For me, only time anyone has ever taken an interest in me, or shown me any positive attention, is when I have had my nice guy costume on. Both my serious relationships only happened because the women who "loved" me had somehow deluded themselves into believing I was someone I'm not. It honestly makes me feel completely undesirable, worthless, boring and like sh1t. For the past year I've been mindful of my niceguy traits, not putting up with things or people I don't really have an interest in, trying not to project insincere attitudes, but when I'm successful at it it is completely isolating and I am in fact invisible underneath. I try to avoid CWI now, because I see other guys seemingly finding themselves after their R or D... finding strength, becoming more "alpha" or whatever, but for myself I don't even find myself on that spectrum. It's not that I'm hideous or people avoid me, they just don't even acknowledge me and I'm not in any kind of place to demand to be acknowledge. I'm the perfectly average guy, and to be this average I think is a truly rare thing that nobody else can even really see, they think its just a stat that nobody actually falls into, being average is almost worse than being nothing. I'd rather be next to nothing because then I'd atleast have a place to shout out from. Living amongst others isn't a bell curve, it's a sine wave and I'm right at the null point in the center. and as much as everything else goes up and down I'm stuck in the exact same spot, all the fcking time.

I can't get off of this spot, and it seems that nothing anyone (none of you or anyone else) says or does will either, and it is starting to hit me that this is the spot I'm supposed to be. And I'd rather die honestly, yes I'm depressed as hell, but not cause anything is bad, just because it feels like I don't even exist, and the only success have been my failures, because even though it's not what I would like in my mind, and it hurt people, it got me out of that null spot on my sine wave so it atleast counted for something. Hurting people is not something I really want to do, but I feel like I will have to put on my nice guy costume again so I can get off this spot and count for something.

This is pretty abstract stuff I think, and I don't think I've met anyone on TAM that has a clue what I'm talking about because you've all seem to been in different positions your whole life. SO any lurkers out there who share this spot and have found any tactics to take any kind of enjoyment from life? I could use your unique insight.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Congratulations on taking a very long, hard look at yourself.

So now here is the important piece ...

Can you embrace and accept who you are, or not?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I don't know, I feel like when I embrace and accept who I am, I feel more depressed and more worthless. So when I have enough of that I go back to my fantasy world to indulge in a little bit of worth and hope.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

And to be clear, although it is easy to suspect otherwise, yes I do know what you are talking about.

I know very, very, well about the fog of inaction.

And I have mentioned several times, I was diagnosed with ADD at age 34. Was evaluated at the request of my then, fiance.

Barely graduated high school, never finished more than 2 consecutive semesters at college.

My lowest point was when I was 22. Had withdrawn from school, because I had stopped going to class for weeks. Felt overwhelmed. Didn't think I could catch up. Didn't know where to start.

I spent that summer and fall, in bed. Sometimes I wasn't awake for more than 4 hours a day. Hated myself and my inertia. And the only way to escape it was to go back to sleep.

Wanted someone ... quite specifically, a woman ... to save me.
Believed if I could find someone to focus on, and thereby want to please them ... I could fix myself.

I was in a very bad place for a very long time.

I'm not that guy any more. Not remotely. But I remember him.

That was a very heart-felt post you made.

Felt it deserved something more than "I know what you're talking about." or "Take care of yourself."

Go to your doc. Make the appointment and find out whether or not you have the disorder ... because if you do, there are medications you can take, and strategies you can follow to get out of your rut, and make an informed decision if you are good with where you are at, or if you want to make changes.

I am alone 80% of the time, and now I see it as a choice. I go to movies alone, I go out to dinner alone, I'll go to a bar alone. I work out solo at the gym. And sometimes, I sit around on the couch all day and surf the internet. 

And you know what? I'm good.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Lon,
Seriously man, I think you are being extremely hard on yourself. I understand that circumstances did quite a number on you . Sometimes in life " circumstances may seem to conspire against us ", but when your back is against the wall there is only one thing you must do.
That is to reach deep within and fight to move forward.
I don't think you deserve that omega label. 
Definitely not.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

To thine own self be true.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> Lon, I hope you get out of your own way some day....
> 
> *You over think, which is the main thing keeping you where you are. If you could see the "you" we see, it's 100% different than what you just described. * You are choosing to define yourself by your present- but we see you as your potential. Only YOU can choose to reach for it and grasp it though.


:iagree::iagree::iagree: x1000% with the highlighted part.

Stop with that "omega thing."
Sorry you're feeling like that.


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## bobby5 (Mar 21, 2011)

Im not Omega man but i behaved like you for a while. It was aweful. One positive thing about my seperation was while i had less time with my children it was quality time, No prob if your son doesnt want to do your stuff. Do his stuff. You can "make yourself" like it and then find you do like it because its actually not about what you do but the beauty of an active relationship with your son. It might bne work for a while but you will both find great happiness in it. It changed everything for me.
Id like your opinion on my story.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...counseling-end-all-hope-me-help-new-post.html


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Deejo, I think you do relate to how I am, a lot of similarities, but I don't know if its the same. I've taken a couple ADHD quizzes, and my overall results tend to be "possible mild ADHD" but I'm all over the place on the answers - I don't ever feel too irritable, never lash out at people, but I daydream like crazy and definitely procrastinate on the dull things. I haven't always been like this though, there have been some episodes in my life where I felt in tune and I tended to function better. Part of it is the internal, and I think part of it is the external circumstances. Yes I should probably get a proper diagnosis.

In university, I found myself on academic probation - I know exactly what you mean in falling behind classes, usually at some point midway into a semester I'd be late for a class (often it ultimately stemmed from finances and external factors) and once I was late I was too afraid to walk into class so I'd miss, then once I realized I was late for a midterm, well that class was a fail. For whatever reason I refused to take on student loans - I took a short counselling course about financial planning from the university's admin department and all that stuck with me was that loans were the last resort option... so instead I worked my butt off trying to pay rent (way off campus) gas (to drive to campus) and pay for parking (because I didn't win the parking lottery for the privilege of paying $80/mo for student parking) - campus was on top of a fcking mountain and they only had enough stalls for about 1/3 of off campus students. So I worked 30 hours a week washing cars, I tended to forget about school. I don't know how much of it was just the hardship vs how much was myself using work as an excuse to slack off school.

But then after I dropped out of university, I went to tech college and also worked nearly full time and got in the 90's for grades. 2nd or third highest marks in class, but I found it way easier (maybe just more interesting?)

But if it's ADD, no wonder I overthink it all... or maybe I just overthink because I've barely been able to take care of the bottom rung on the hierarchy of needs, and for most of my life haven't had anyone else to.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

And HB and CM, I'm not dismissing your comments, but it is not "present" circumstances I'm trying to deal with, it's trying to accept the "who I am" versus the "what I've always thought I could be" because those two things are different enough to cause me nearly an entire lifetime of longing and suffering.

This, right here at the top of this thread, is the who I am, there are three distinct episodes in my life that I remember functioning the way I like - 1) about a two year period when I was 4 turning 5, I distinctly remember being able to work things out for myself, so much of the learning in life came from that period when I felt like I had control and success, it began getting shut off around 6 years old when I realized I didn't understand much of what was happening around me and we moved around and I found my world being redefined by the people around me, I felt like I never completely adapted.

Again in gr.9 I realized I was musically gifted, or atleast found an interest and an outlet with band class and choir, and that successful period of my life lasted until high school ended before once again unravelling.

Then in tech school I once again found success and a drive to function at a high level... it lasted until around the time my son was born, and I've been missing that ability to function at a healthy level ever since.


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## stritle (Oct 4, 2010)

if you truly feel that's the category you belong to, then own it and don't let it own you.
capitalize on your good qualities as there are plenty.

re-read some of the posts you have given here if you need a reminder of the diverse person you are.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Lon... At times in my life I have been a lot like you. In grade school I would have been called ADD today. Back then, it was just "a smart kid that was bored with school". And I was. 

I am not on ANYONE's social list. The last time a friend called up and said "Hey, come over for ..... " was probably never. At least it has been long enough that I can't recall it ever happening. 

I don't enjoy the social status thing. I see it, I ignore it. It means nothing to me. If someone thinks their social status is better than mine, I have no interest in them, for anything. I just tune them out.

However, apparently unlike you, I found great interest in "stuff". I have deep interests in many things, none of which I really expressed or focused on when I was younger. 

I'd say there's great hope for you, though. You're obviously aware of your own self. But you're not liking it, from what you say. 

So I'd suggest learning some habits that cause these things to change. You say you're musically gifted, but I don't see you saying you focus on improving your music. Or even that you do anything with it. 

This may seem trivial, but self awareness is by far the hardest part of the battle. Getting to that point is beyond many people. So, now you can see what you don't like and you can try to focus on adapting or learning new ways to do something about it. 

You can get lots of help, too. Lots of willing people right here...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Lon said:


> Deejo, I think you do relate to how I am, a lot of similarities, but I don't know if its the same. I've taken a couple ADHD quizzes, and my overall results tend to be "possible mild ADHD" but I'm all over the place on the answers - I don't ever feel too irritable, never lash out at people, but I daydream like crazy and definitely procrastinate on the dull things. I haven't always been like this though, there have been some episodes in my life where I felt in tune and I tended to function better. Part of it is the internal, and I think part of it is the external circumstances. Yes I should probably get a proper diagnosis.


Most folks aren't aware that there are ADHD classifications.

What I have is referred to as Type II, Inattentive Type ADHD.
Never had the hyper part. Never a behavioral issue. As you described, I would quietly retreat inward if I wasn't engaged or felt overwhelmed.

Get evaluated. Rule it in or out.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lon said:


> And HB and CM, I'm not dismissing your comments, but it is not "present" circumstances I'm trying to deal with, it's trying to accept the "who I am" versus the "what I've always thought I could be" because those two things are different enough to cause me nearly an entire lifetime of longing and suffering.
> 
> This, right here at the top of this thread, is the who I am, there are three distinct episodes in my life that I remember functioning the way I like - 1) about a two year period when I was 4 turning 5, I distinctly remember being able to work things out for myself, so much of the learning in life came from that period when I felt like I had control and success, it began getting shut off around 6 years old when I realized I didn't understand much of what was happening around me and we moved around and I found my world being redefined by the people around me, I felt like I never completely adapted.
> 
> ...


What are the common factors with these experiences as to why/how you felt different during those times that you classify as "successful"?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> What are the common factors with these experiences as to why/how you felt different during those times that you classify as "successful"?


Those were all times I felt I had the freedom to seize opportunities.

At those times 1) I was not burdened in my mind to some other obligation and 2) the opportunities presented themselves.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

Lon said:


> I don't know, I feel like when I embrace and accept who I am, I feel more depressed and more worthless. So when I have enough of that I go back to my fantasy world to indulge in a little bit of worth and hope.


You might be one of my kind.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Amyd said:


> You might be one of my kind.


It's horrible, like when you notice the date on the calendar and wonder where the heck November went, except you are asking where the heck did my life go.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

Lon said:


> It's horrible, like when you notice the date on the calendar and wonder where the heck November went, except you are asking where the heck did my life go.


That's when it's time to take a peek at Ajahn Brahm's talk on Depression.

Depression - YouTube


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Lon, your post really struck a cord with me... I know this feeling and it resonates in every moment of silence I get. I have family to distract me most of the time... But everytime I am alone, or up late at night and can't sleep, etc... This feeling of existential emptiness hits me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I'm around other people I genuinely like - but at the same time I can't stand them and want my space... To do absolutely nothing.

I was recently told that I might have ADHD... Not really sure if I do, but I know I have Sensory Processing Dysfunction. Understanding what is and is not "me" has been helpful for me to try and gain some objectivity.

I don't know why people think that "thinking too much" is a bad thing. Sometimes I enjoy just letting my thoughts carry me away. I like to contemplate and reside in extended periods of pensiveness. It can be incredibly depressing, but also very insightful... 

A diagnosis or ruling out can help tremendously. I would go with that and keep exploring - and accepting yourself as you are. You aren't supposed to be anyone but you in this life. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Oops... I didn't pay attention and realize this was for the guys... Hehee... Whoops! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> Oops... I didn't pay attention and realize this was for the guys... Hehee... Whoops!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yeah...sorry Lon.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

no worries, I appreciate all your comments... Amy I am about 25 minutes into the vid, interesting, so far talking about negativity and fault finding, and yes these are two things about me that drive my depression, particularly the fault finding in myself. Will watch more of it later.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

Lon said:


> no worries, I appreciate all your comments... Amy I am about 25 minutes into the vid, interesting, so far talking about negativity and fault finding, and yes these are two things about me that drive my depression, particularly the fault finding in myself. Will watch more of it later.


I'm glad you're watching it. He's very perceptive and therapeutic. Some of his other Dharma talks are pretty funny.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I think you are looking in so much you forget to view yourself objectively. You are hard working, reliable, good Dad, nice looking... those are all great traits. I don't see why you are so hard on yourself.

About the only place I want an 'alpha' is occasionally in the bedroom. Or when there needs to be a final decision on something big - then I want a 'leader' of the family. But generally speaking, I think the average good guy has a lot to offer.

Maybe you forget to appreciate the little things. *shrug*


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lon said:


> Those were all times I felt I had the freedom to seize opportunities.
> 
> At those times 1) I was not burdened in my mind to some other obligation and 2) the opportunities presented themselves.


I think mindset heavily influences our perspective. I have a feeling the opportunities presented themselves because of how you felt in your mind at that time. The second point happened because of the first.

I'll happily stand corrected if I'm way off here but the last couple of threads you have written seem to be around obligation and expectation, and the letting go of that. It's not always easy to break the mold of ourselves or redefine who we are - even if that is just in our own minds. 

I read and comment on your threads because you have a way of expressing these thoughts so effectively. And I don't think you're alone in feeling it either. I'm thinking of some of the great comedians and musicians who also articulate about themselves and their experiences in a way that others can understand and relate to.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think you are looking in so much you forget to view yourself objectively. You are hard working, reliable, good Dad, nice looking... those are all great traits. I don't see why you are so hard on yourself.
> 
> About the only place I want an 'alpha' is occasionally in the bedroom. Or when there needs to be a final decision on something big - then I want a 'leader' of the family. But generally speaking, I think the average good guy has a lot to offer.
> 
> Maybe you forget to appreciate the little things. *shrug*


This reply is kind of the exact opposite of where I think I need to go (and no offense intended Enjoli, I honestly am grateful for the time you would devote to this thread). It's when I look at myself objectively that I really don't like who I am, what I do, how I define myself. I look at pictures of me in good times, ones that I know I'm happy but the look on my face in those pics doesn't match the emotions inside. I am not trying to measure up to anyone's standards but my own (and even those I've been continuously humbling myself, feels akin to giving up almost), I really could care less about leading, alpha, attraction - even though those are all indicators to me that something is seriously wrong. The fact you suggest I am reliable, hard-working and a good father completely confuses me except when I retreat into my own mind. I'm trying to not find faults in myself, trying to look for the good, but it only ever seems to exist in my own perception, I am not reliable (not as I was during those times I talked about before) my ex bought me a t-shirt that said "always late but worth the wait" and I absolutely despised, one day it was hanging in my closet and made me cry because what it told was the me who I was that I have a hard time acknowledging, I am so ashamed when I am late for something, yet I often am because it is just so hard getting organized enough to get myself out the door in time. Same with work - I do the bare minimum to get by, and carry around all kind of shame about the facade I present myself as in order to secure my means to not have my financial world crash down... and it's not even that I dislike my work, I find it the most interesting kind of vocation I could ever think of. And the same laziness is present in my parenting, and it brings me tons of guilt. I know that I'm constantly letting my son down with my non-existant energy, today I couldn't even bring us to get out the door, I know he needs an attentive father that can do more than just watch him entertain himself all day long, and try to atleast get some partially healthy food in him. As for discipline, I've long given up on that, he basically runs me, and I know it sets up a bad precedent for both of us, but I'm completely resigned to it.

I honestly am trying to understand that maybe I'm just looking at the 2 bad bricks in the wall (reference to the fault finding in the video amy linked to). But to me it seems like a brick wall that looked passable but every brick has shifted just a little bit and the whole thing is teetering.

The little things is all I feel I have anymore, and even those are getting really hard for me to appreciate.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Lon, are you seeing a psychologist? Ae you taking antidepressants? You sound seriously depressed. 

You seem to have so much shame, so much bad feeling about yourself. The being late thing for example. Lots of people are late, whole cultures don't put any importance on being on time for stuff. It's so not worth that level of shame. Being late doesn't mean you're a bad person. And why did you discount the second part of that tshirt? You're 'worth the wait'. 

I'm messy, find it hard to keep track of papers etc, don't take care of things. It irritates my husband sometimes, but I'm doing the best I can or at least the best I want to do. And I take great care of people, I'm honest and loving and understanding. I'm flexible and creative and cheerful. You don't get the good stuff without the bad. My husband is careful, organised, loyal, funny, loving, single-minded, precise, creative and always strives for the best. But he's also moody, pessimistic, a bit prone to grudge holding and passive aggression. And not very open emotionally. 

Maybe try a micro approach. Instead of saying 'I have to be a good father today' say 'I'm going to do one good thing with my kid today'. And then play for ten minutes, or make something with him, or go outside and dig up some worms. One thing. Ten minutes, half an hour. 

Same at work. One good thing. Focus on that.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Lyris, yes I am seeing a psychologist, no not on antidepressants - I am sure there is a chemical imbalance but there is more to it than that - right now everything in my life is literally hanging in a delicate balance, I know for a fact that if it comes crashing down, it will ALL come down at once and so I am deathly afraid of taking a risk on an unknown medication that has a chance of making me more apathetic, because it seems to me that it is my outward apathetic behaviors that has caused me to become stuck in the stressful position I am in, and it feels like the only way to survive is to care... I'm trying to carefully extricate myself from my mess with my counsellor, and while the stress and fragility is increasing it does feel like I've made some progress untangling a few knots in the bundle (ie the micro approach). I don't want to disrupt that with a chance on medication, even though I'm pretty sure taking steps to restore some chemical normalcy is probably in my near future.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> Lon, if I may, I think I understand more of where you are coming from now. What you posted a couple posts up sounds like someone who is realizing they are not living up to their own standards, and is frustrated by that.


Now that you realize this.. Do somethjng about it. As my father once told me... If you believe you can do something... Then you can. Everything comes down to this lon. Mind over matter. The next time your son is playing, and you feel like you cant join... Push past that. Its not a matter of cant... Its a matter of dont want. 

Your content to just exist... Stop merely existing and start living. Anything you feel positively about, like music, embrace it. You didnt seize the opportunity because you feared it. You fear success. Dont. Just go for it. Forget about classifications as they do not matter. What you do to change your circumstances is all that matters. I wish you luck lon. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You have been getting some great advice.

So here is why I am strongly advocating for you to go to your doctor and get a referral to a neurologist. Your primary doc isn't going to have the background to address this, and is likely to be dismissive of your symptoms or believe they are something other than what they are.

If you do have Type 2 ADD, it looks like depression. 

And although the advice of stop thinking and start doing is truly wonderful, if you do have the condition ... you CAN'T.
Not without some serious coaching or a prescription. Your brain gets caught up in 'analysis paralysis'.

Back in high school I was an art major and did a great deal of writing. Kept getting bogged down when things weren't good enough in my mind. Do-overs, corrections, or scrapping something that others thought was wonderful ... but unfinished was the norm. ALL of my creative pursuits ground to a halt. I failed art one semester in high school, despite being one of the most talented in the class, because I handed in incomplete projects.

What I find staggering as an adult, is that nobody stepped in ever. 

Here is what I can tell you about medication. You will know inside of 30 minutes the very first time you take it, if it's working. It isn't overt. No rush. No 'high'. You're simply dialed in. And that is what makes all of the difference.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lon said:


> I don't know, I feel like when I embrace and accept who I am, I feel more depressed and more worthless. So when I have enough of that I go back to my fantasy world to indulge in a little bit of worth and hope.


What does your fantasy world consist of? And when in it, how do you feel?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Are you a perfectionist and therefore paralyzed by doing anything less than perfect? 

If you are avoiding chemicals for fear of a negative side effect that will have everything crumbling, maybe set a small goal every day.

Make a list of things to do with your son, even if it's take a walk around the block or play a board game.

Start with little goals and don't feel they are condescending by making them small. Snowballs become avalanches eventually.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I think deejo has it nailed, it's way more than mind over matter, doesn't matter how small a goal I make it, if I can't do it it won't get done, and if I do it none others get done because I will just end up dwelling on the accomplishment and put the other challenges out of my mind. I'm going to ask my doctor for a referral to a neuro and get a proper evalualation.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Lon said:


> It's horrible, like when you notice the date on the calendar and wonder where the heck November went, except you are asking where the heck did my life go.


I think I am getting a clearer picture.
I sometimes ask myself this same question , but the answers usually come rushing back to me.

I must be worrisome not having an answer.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Lon said:


> I think deejo has it nailed, it's way more than mind over matter, doesn't matter how small a goal I make it, if I can't do it it won't get done, and if I do it none others get done because I will just end up dwelling on the accomplishment and put the other challenges out of my mind. I'm going to ask my doctor for a referral to a neuro and get a proper evalualation.


I'm so glad to read that. It's so clear to all of us on here that you are a really special person. The way you write and think and analyse is rare and precious. There's obviously something blocking you from moving anywhere, and I'll bet optics something physical/chemical.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Lon:
Is your psychologist familiar with ACT therapy? It stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and it was developed by Steven Hayes and Spencer Smith.

Here is an excerpt from their book, "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life," that I think is relevant to your situation:

"Can you see that you are invested in your labels and stories and reasons? Even if you have the label agoraphobic, if you apply it to yourself or your behavior in a fused way, you have made an investment in the label. If the evidence supports its use, at least you are RIGHT. Peversely, this also means that your mind gives you a secret investment in things remaining rigidly the same, even if you are suffering terribly right now."

Hayes explains how our attachment to labels, judgment, and language causes us enormous suffering. He has lots of exercises in his workbook to help you re-define how you interpret your actions and feelings.

Here is a link to the ACT website:

ACT | Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

For someone who is very literate and used to scrutinizing and judging every action negatively, this therapy helps you look at your life through a different lens, one that recognizes that you are not a hopeless mess.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Deejo said:


> You have been getting some great advice.
> 
> So here is why I am strongly advocating for you to go to your doctor and get a referral to a neurologist. Your primary doc isn't going to have the background to address this, and is likely to be dismissive of your symptoms or believe they are something other than what they are.
> 
> ...


This is true. I noticed this with gate as well. Of course when he was still on his meds he was so focused and driven. I do agree with others to have your doc check you for this lon, or one who specializes in this rather. However things like being an alpha or an omega... Its those classifications I think you should forget about. As others have said, your a wonderful man and imo above such labels as alpha or omega. There is way to much hype over it imo and I hate seeing you think yourself of a lower classification.
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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Gaia, to be clear, I don't really give a crap about those labels, what I've come to understand about them is you can't really change who you are anyway, but you can choose to develop your good traits and be mindfully avoidant of the bad ones. I titled the thread Omega man, because honestly I just feel like I'm at the very bottom of my own personal staircase to self-actualization, and I've been here far longer than I have wanted to.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I understand lon. Have you made an appointment with your doc to get checked for ADD or ADHD? I do hope you get out of that funk lon. Were all here for you. 
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