# Parental unity...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

So... a child under 5 yrs of age will pick up things very easily, already she has kinda learnt...

That with me, she can always come to me and I will take time off from whatever I'm doing as she's always priority. Even if she doesn't get it she doesn't seem to chuck tantrums, probably the way I approach it too. I don't really tell her off much as I've noticed she's already a rather good kid despite still being so young, always have been, and follows my lead.

When my wife handles her though, I've noticed the tantrums are a lot more. As a result my wife seems to have more troubles then me over controlling her. I try to put up a united front but it doesn't seem to work (almost as if she's kinda figured "haha your united front is a laugh")... I know my wife and I have been fighting quite often and perhaps she's noticed this? And already picked a side maybe even? I don't know, she's only 2.5 yrs old.

I think I might have been the culprit of this, giggling with my daughter making funny faces at "mummy" when she's being a biatch


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Are you both on the same page with disciplining her? My twins went through this phase, they didn't listen to a damn word I said... No respect whatsoever for me or what I was saying. My H on the other hand, all he had to do was walk in the room and look at them to get them to behave. Our counselor suggested I was more soft with them, and that perhaps they knew they could pitch fits and I'd cave in, she suggested that we get on the same page with disciplining and we would need to be consistent between us. I'm no longer the softy in the house and I stand my ground when it comes to disciplining and H backs me up and vice versa. Just a thought for you.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

That is normal 2.5 behaviour. It is called the "No" stage. It is when a child learns that they might have a bit of control in life! 

Most likely, the child feels more confident expressing their need for autonomy with mom. For instance, parents get the brunt of it more than daycare providers and one parent more than the other parent.

It can be frustrating for the person who gets the pleasure of experiencing it the most!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's strange actually, because I'm the softer one compared to my wife :scratchhead: - so in theory I should be the one coping it!

Don't know if I should be harder or my wife softer


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

I have the same problem... my children (4 & 2) generally do not respond to discipline from me... no matter how hard or soft I am.. but H only has to look at them or raise his voice slightly and they straighten up. He does use corporal punishment with them and I'm not above that either. 

My 4 yr old is the same at school with all female teachers. I've surmised that it's about female v. male... like his voice is deeper and for some reason they respond to that better.

I'm kind of at wits end with the two of them at the moment. I'm reading the 5 Love Languages of Children and hoping that putting that to use will change... and having H read it so that we can be on the same page.


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## UnwantedWife (Dec 5, 2011)

I once heard a theory that children will only throw tantrums with those people whom they trust the most. Its like saying, "I know you'll still love me when I'm done expressing my frustration/my needs/my whatever emotion I'm having difficulty expressing appropriately so I feel comfortable letting myself behave without a filter for you" but for someone whom they are not as bonded to (aka the parent who they spend less time with, or a babysitter/part time childcare provider) they are more likely to behave appropriately because they are unsure that you would still love and feel bonded to them after they have made themselves volunerable by expressing these raw emotions.

No clue how true that is, but its one theory on the subject.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/ Ouch

Well wifey does spend more time with her then I as a SAHM >.<!
Darn it now I'm jealous!


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## UnwantedWife (Dec 5, 2011)

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to be hurtful.
Its just one theory on the subject, and not a very common theory at that! I'm sure there are plenty of other valid reasons this could be happening.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, if that is the case... my wife is jealous that I get no tantrums and our daughter is such an angel around me, and now I'm jealous that my daughter could possibly be more comfortable expressing herself with mum then with me!!! >.<

Oh heck, our daughter is gonna be a little spoiled maybe!


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## UnwantedWife (Dec 5, 2011)

Its true, parents just can't win.
The working parent always wants more time with the kids, the stay at home parent often wants something as well (a break from the kids, adult conversation- something). At least, thats the way it is with most of the couples I know (including myself and my husband).


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Sounds like she is testing your wife more than you. 

t.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ Perhaps, I guess I do seem to have a rather strong voice when it comes to this - yet it's so rather rare to the point it's like she decides to be good when daddy's around. How to get my wife on the same page however?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

To Lovebug501: 



Lovebug501 said:


> I'm kind of at wits end with the two of them at the moment. I'm reading the 5 Love Languages of Children and hoping that putting that to use will change... and having H read it so that we can be on the same page.


Have you read "123 Magic"? It worked wonders when my son was about 7-8. I wish I had heard about it & read it when he was much much younger.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

H and I didn't fight about much of anything until we had kids. Now our entire relationship (divorce almost final,) is nothing but fighting about kids. Please get on the same page now. Have a counselor help if need be. Do it early. And don't call mommy a Biatch, even playing. That attitude will come out even though you don't want it to. Respect.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> =/ Ouch
> 
> Well wifey does spend more time with her then I as a SAHM >.<!
> Darn it now I'm jealous!


That's your answer right there. Your wife is the SAHM. Your wife is the one doing the heavy lifting in raising your daughter. And she is the one your daughter trusts the most. I too have heard that a child will be the most rebellious with parent they are the most sure of. Mom is always there, mom is the rock.

But don't be jealous. You are daddy. You are the special one who she wants to please.

Parents fill different rolls.

What you started to do in your OP is actually not very good at all... to look at this as if your parenting is superior because of the difference in the way your child responds to each of you. Just stop that ASAP.


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