# Disntance:not wearing the ring (repost)



## kenken (Jun 21, 2011)

my husband and i decided to requalify ourselves,him studying in london,me continued my med school in my home country with our kid,his course will finish in a year and mine in 4years..weve been together for 5yrs...its been 3 months now that we are away of eachother..

few hours ago,i was skyping with him when my kid butt in and showed her new ring,then my kid asked him to show his ring and he said "oh baby its in the box" kid asked him why isnt he wearing it,then my kid turned to me and asked me if i am wearing it and showed it to her,i asked my husband why isnt he wearing the ring and gave me these excuses "i am removing it once in a while and i gained weight im having a hard time to put it back plus i develop a kind of wart on my finger that whenever i put it back it just pushes it"...it blows the hell out of me. i am sad and disappointed,very disappointed.and im really really sad.

is this a sign of infidelity?
i confronted him and he told me that he would end up doing it as he was accused of something he didnt do..now it was on me and i felt bad,i should have just shut up


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Your husband has very very bad character, the things he says to you prove it.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

kenken said:


> my husband and i decided to requalify ourselves,him studying in london,me continued my med school in my home country with our kid,his course will finish in a year and mine in 4years..weve been together for 5yrs...its been 3 months now that we are away of eachother..
> 
> few hours ago,i was skyping with him when my kid butt in and showed her new ring,then my kid asked him to show his ring and he said "oh baby its in the box" kid asked him why isnt he wearing it,then my kid turned to me and asked me if i am wearing it and showed it to her,i asked my husband why isnt he wearing the ring and gave me these excuses "i am removing it once in a while and i gained weight im having a hard time to put it back plus i develop a kind of wart on my finger that whenever i put it back it just pushes it"...it blows the hell out of me. i am sad and disappointed,very disappointed.and im really really sad.
> 
> ...


people do not say that unless they are blame shifting. He is caught already having an affair or he has been patrolling for one. You caught him. Can't you see from skype if he is fatter or if he has this wart?
Also very telling he had multiple reasons to give you for why he did not have it on. Like the wart and him being fat happened on the same day. Which is it man? I call BS


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

It's a red flag, but only one - assuming there are no others you're not relating. So, a little to early to assume.

Does he guard his phone, have passwords on his devices that you don't know?

Can you account for all of his time?

Have you checked your cell phone records for his calls and texts to strange numbers?

Have his sexual habits changed?

Has he recently tried to lose weight or started at the gym?

*Edit:* Make that two red flags. I overlooked that comment he made to you. It's called gas lighting and not untypical of a cheater.


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## kenken (Jun 21, 2011)

nogutsnoglory said:


> people do not say that unless they are blame shifting. He is caught already having an affair or he has been patrolling for one. You caught him. Can't you see from skype if he is fatter or if he has this wart?
> Also very telling he had multiple reasons to give you for why he did not have it on. Like the wart and him being fat happened on the same day. Which is it man? I call BS



yeah yeah he is that kind of guy!!blame shifter haha,in my opinion he didnt gained at all he actually lost weight,we fought so hard last night that i with my fickle mind felt different towards him,i wanted out already,i know i dont have enough evidence i dont have enough of what i need but im too sad of him treating me this way,he told me that he wouldnt want to wear it anymore ever,when i just wanted hm to say sorry to be clear to give me valid reasons,i am not happy and if this continues i would hate my self more and more.


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## kenken (Jun 21, 2011)

badmemory said:


> It's a red flag, but only one - assuming there are no others you're not relating. So, a little to early to assume.
> 
> Does he guard his phone, have passwords on his devices that you don't know?
> 
> ...


badmemory,that is the thing with us,we dont share pw's plus we are far away from eachother,he felt bad when i call him that ur weak and your a cheater,im mad because he even has the guts to getmad at me and i just feel terribly mad now terribly want o kick his ass and go by myself.i want out i dunno if this is too early but i want out.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

kenken said:


> my husband and i decided to requalify ourselves,him studying in london,me continued my med school in my home country with our kid,his course will finish in a year and mine in 4years..weve been together for 5yrs...its been 3 months now that we are away of eachother..
> 
> few hours ago,i was skyping with him when my kid butt in and showed her new ring,then my kid asked him to show his ring and he said "oh baby its in the box" kid asked him why isnt he wearing it,then my kid turned to me and asked me if i am wearing it and showed it to her,i asked my husband why isnt he wearing the ring and gave me these excuses "i am removing it once in a while and i gained weight im having a hard time to put it back plus i develop a kind of wart on my finger that whenever i put it back it just pushes it"...it blows the hell out of me. i am sad and disappointed,very disappointed.and im really really sad.
> 
> ...


Not necessarily. I stopped wearing mine a long time ago when my wife decided that it was acceptable to treat me badly and continually disrespect me. She asked why I took it off and I explained it to her. She proceeded to yell at me and I just said "this is exactly what I'm talking about. You can either fix your attitude or go to marriage and individual counseling. I'm not putting it back on until you've demonstrated you can respect me and until I feel married again." Needless to say she's done neither so my ring had stayed off and no I have not had and affair - I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. Why didn't you ask him to try the ring on for you? Then you could have seen whether his fingers really are to big for his ring...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kenken (Jun 21, 2011)

P51Geo1980 said:


> Not necessarily. I stopped wearing mine a long time ago when my wife decided that it was acceptable to treat me badly and continually disrespect me. She asked why I took it off and I explained it to her. She proceeded to yell at me and I just said "this is exactly what I'm talking about. You can either fix your attitude or go to marriage and individual counseling. I'm not putting it back on until you've demonstrated you can respect me and until I feel married again." Needless to say she's done neither so my ring had stayed off and no I have not had and affair - I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. Why didn't you ask him to try the ring on for you? Then you could have seen whether his fingers really are to big for his ring...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



but he has no reason to remove it in the first place,i mean we are doing ok even the with this distance until my kid asked him,and that started my suspicions,oh and i forgot i asked him if he loves me and he answered me this way "sometimes i do,sometimes i dont" and i was like what the heck is that???i want to ask him if he just stays because of our kid or what?plus the fact that we arent emotionally attached,i always feel alone in this relationship to be honest.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've been posting for the last 2 years about the infidelity and red flags in your relationship, and getting consistent feedback that your husband is up to no good. And in march, you posted that the two of you were "separated" in house. Now you're "together", but long distance.

My advice... Put your marriage out of its misery already. What indication (through action) has he given that your husband is actually invested in making this work?

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, I didn't wear a wedding ring for most of my marriage. It had nothing to do with cheating. I just don't like wearing rings or jewelry in general.

C


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Two different yet equally silly excuses.


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## kenken (Jun 21, 2011)

PBear said:


> Btw, I didn't wear a wedding ring for most of my marriage. It had nothing to do with cheating. I just don't like wearing rings or jewelry in general.
> 
> C


yes Pbear,we had issues years back,we were able to make this relationship work,he even told our friend that it was only lately he realized the "true" meaning of marriage,we were ok together after that, i thought  i think this is just the start of whats gonna be...he even told me to stick with the plan no matter what...our plan was to finish studies get a good job and give the best education possible to our kid,but i need relationship,i need emotional relationship and i feel he cannot give it to me,i even told him that i dont want to look for it somewhere else.it is just sad,he is an ok father but never a partner and it kills me cause i need something more,or maybe im just too needy.


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

kenken said:


> i asked my husband why isnt he wearing the ring and gave me these excuses "i am removing it once in a while and i gained weight im having a hard time to put it back plus i develop a kind of wart on my finger that whenever i put it back it just pushes it"...it blows the hell out of me. i am sad and disappointed,very disappointed.and im really really sad.


The weight gain and wart happened to me. Been married 34 years to most beautiful woman in the entire world with whom I am madly, deeply, and passionately in love with.

WWHT


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

kenken said:


> yes Pbear,we had issues years back,we were able to make this relationship work,he even told our friend that it was only lately he realized the "true" meaning of marriage,we were ok together after that, i thought  i think this is just the start of whats gonna be...he even told me to stick with the plan no matter what...our plan was to finish studies get a good job and give the best education possible to our kid,but i need relationship,i need emotional relationship and i feel he cannot give it to me,i even told him that i dont want to look for it somewhere else.it is just sad,he is an ok father but never a partner and it kills me cause i need something more,or maybe im just too needy.


I suspect you two have simply swept your issues under the rug and not really dealt with them. But that's just my impression. Btw, your NEED to be in a relationship will likely cause issues until you deal with it. It's not healthy. IMHO

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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