# Annoyed



## psnuser12 (Oct 6, 2008)

Guys, i'm annoyed with my girlfriend. I love her to death but it just seems like she is just completely clueless as to how to make a guy feel better and we've been dating for a year and a half now. I woke up this morning to my dad telling me my grandmother has 2 months to live. After that I couldn't call my girlfriend to tell her because she works all day so I text messaged her what is going on. She calls me on her break, and that's when the news hits me when I try to tell her about it... I just end up breaking down over the phone and I told her that i'll just talk to her later. She calls me while i'm at work which annoyed me because she knows I can't talk at work... I answer and she just says that she is worried about me. Which that annoyed me too because how does that help me that she is worried about me? I don't need her to be worried about me. Then she calls me after she gets off work and i'm already at home which annoys me because I will see her when she gets home anyway, but she just calls to tell me how bad her night was and how tomorrow will be even worse at work. That is like the last thing I want to hear at this point. She then says something like," I wish we could just be happy and keep life simple. I don't understand why life has to be so hard. If it's not one thing, then it's another." At this point I am getting more annoyed because what am I supposed to say to that? I haven't even said a word yet and I am thinking she is just being selfish... like because I am not happy right now life sucks... Like, she isn't saying anything to console me or anything positive at all. 

This is not the kind of stuff I want to be hearing right now. My grandfather passed away less than a year ago and that tore me up a lot when he passed because I was there, and even then she even flat out told me she didn't know how to comfort me. That made me upset and we argued about it... I told her," How hard is it to figure out that you try to comfort a grieving person? Like, do you need written instructions on what to do? If someone you know and love is sad, wouldn't you want to say and do things to make that person feel better?" 

Anyway, all I got from her was "I Love You," and lately i've been wanting to say "You do, then show me." Or, "I Love You is not always enough..." Has anyone else been in a situation like this? I almost emailed her a great list I found online called "100 ways you can love your husband/boyfriend HIS way." I don't know if she is holding herself back because she doesn't want to get too close to me or what, but it's getting to the point where she tells me she loves me and I can barely say it back. Input? Comments? Suggestions?


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

As a female with a lot of death under my belt, I can tell you there is no tried and true way to handle death, or an upcoming death. 
What you are dealing with is worse than being told your Grandparent just passed away. You now have to suffer each day waiting for the phone call that she has passed. 
No one can have the knowledge to help you thru this. Everyone handles things differently. Just from the post, you said you didn't want to listen to her day, or how she was feeling about this. So how can you expect her to console you. 

Most people feel that to console someone is to listen to them talk about the person they are grieving for. The other side of that is that people like to hear about thier passed one and what they meant to others. 

Your Girlfriend calling to check on you was proper for someone who is concerned about a loved one. She may not say it but her calling was a way to tell you she was thinking of you, and a way to break the ice and find out if you needed anything at that time. She is doing what is natural and normal. 
You are doing what is natural and normal. Again there are no rules or ways that things like this are handled. It's all in how you feel and want to deal with it yourself. Don't let anyone tell you how you should handle it and what you should be feeling.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Sorry to hear about your Grandma. Sounds like you are a bit irritable right now, which is totally understandable. But... she can't read your mind. Different people want different support. It's hard sometimes, especially when you are sad.... to ASK for the support that you need. Maybe even TELL gf what you need, a hug, some quiet time, time alone, whatever.... she may really just not know.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Wow, you might want to turn your sensitivity down a bit. Dealing with the death of family members is difficult but it sounds like your expectations for your girlfriend are a bit over the top. Everything that your GF has done so far are all perfectly normal and yet no matter what she does it is not satisfactory to you. You make it sound like she should be an expert in death and grieving.

Cut her some slack. It sounds like she is trying to be supportive. It's never easy to console someone who has had a loss. Words are hard to come by and the best that can be done is to simply "be there" for them.

Be careful what you say to her. Your emotions are very high right now and you may only end up pissing her off if you end up verbalizing some of the things you wrote. If she's doing her best to help you cope with your loss and you trivialize or belittle her attempts, you may find yourself coping with the loss of a girlfriend as well.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

you annoyed because she called you at work after you broke down on the phone...

me i would have called you every 5 min, then showed up at your job...fu(k work, you have just been told something very horrible, this is a family emergency...

she called to say she was worried about you...how is that not love. if she said, oh ok..well anyways..than went on to talk about something quite unimportant...

sorry about your grandmother, thats rough, my husband lost both of his, and i lost mine. i know its hard to think and feel with news like that. dont take it out on your girlfriend, she might not be so understanding.......


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband was the same when my stepdad died. I told him about the death and he just said, "Oh, that's sucks." He didn't even come to the funeral with me. I didn't ask him, but he didn't offer.

I think I still hold resentment about that. Hm...something to think about.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You and her have different ideals to what emotional support is. And yes she may need you to tell her how to give you that support.


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## Mckiwi (Jul 10, 2011)

I had a point where 3 people I care about died within 3 months of eachother. I don't know that anyone around me knew how to react. I sure as hell didn't. I didn't want to hear "I'm sorry" since no one did anything wrong. People get quite speechless in this situation. She might just be waiting on you, to vent, to talk to her and let out how or what you need, or giving you space to grieve. She won't know what to do unless you let her know. As far as talking about work or something else, if you weren't speaking, she might have been trying to change the subject, get around to what you wanted to say if you weren't ready yet. The first post was right, there is no rule book for this scenario, most people have to work through it completely clueless.


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