# My toxic ex messaged me wanting to be friends again, whats the point?



## Usy777 (Dec 6, 2021)

Hi all,

I put up a post of couple of days ago regarding my ex and today she messaged out of the blue. See below for the updated post:

Me and my gf broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy, I know it was the right decision but I just want some advice on how to keep myself motivated whilst I'm in the healing process.

I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed. When we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off.

She ended up getting divorced a year after her marriage, she did admit to having a few relationships afterwards. We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage.

And when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure).

I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything which I thought was childish, this was a month ago and now she seemed to unblocked me but she hasn't got in touch.

We had an argument a few weeks before the break up in which she said "if we ever break up, it will be your loss". At that moment in time, I actually felt worthless and believed her when she said it would be my loss because I thought I didnt deserve better but now I realise I do and that I rather stay single than to be involved with someone like her.

She has just messaged me today out of the blue and said that she is in a good place right now and is hoping we can be friends again, I did reply to her saying thag I don't think it's a good idea and I wished her well. She just replied with a simple 'that's fine no worries x'. What is the actualpoint in trying to be friends?


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Usy777 said:


> What is the actual point in trying to be friends?


Options. 

She wants options when the other men in her life don't work out.

Don't be an option.

You did right by cutting her out of your life....continue that, if peace of mind is important to you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

It's just her trying to feel better about herself. "If usy77 can be friends, then I'm not a bad person". It COULD also just be a way for her to start things up again. I think you did the right thing in NOT allowing that. It has already caused you enough grief and you need to move on without her.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You have I think five threads about this woman and every poster tells you to not have anything to do with her. She’s a habitual liar and a serial cheat, she cheated on her husband before and during their marriage with you and probably numerous other men. She also has numerous male “friends” who she stays in contact with.
In other words she’s a tramp.
But you are determined to put your head (and other body parts) on the chopping block and you aren’t going to listen to anyone who advises you otherwise.
Go on, go to her, it’s what you really want.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Here's something to keep in mind. To some ladies these days, attention is like currency. The more attention they get, the more they want. Your ex seems like one of them. Cheats on her men, has other men around she is...open with, etc. Reaching out to you is just a chance to earn more attention/currency so from her perspective, why not? 

Here's the thing. If you didn't care about this girl in the slightest and you could just keep her around to warm your bed or whatever on occasions you felt the need, I would say to have at it. She's that type of girl. Your problem is, you let her get to you, and I think you will keep letting her get to you. With that in mind, you need to just stay away from her. I don't think you have it in you to stick her in the FWB only zone without igniting some feelings in yourself. Don't even engage. If she messages you again, ignore it. Always ignore it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Usy777 said:


> She has just messaged me today out of the blue ...What is the actual point in trying to be friends?


I think the more relevant question should be: Why haven't you blocked her on your phone?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dude: New Year's is just around the corner; why don't you make a New Year's resolution and make a commitment to learn how to grow some balls once and for all.

Once you do you'll be able to ignore her and to grow a few brain cells so that you learn how to block her on your phone so that you will not have to run to an internet forum about marriage every time she texts you to ask what does she means? What are you, 12 or something?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Don't reply to any further contact.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

No contact is up to you. Block her and drop the hopium pipe. The ‘friends” game is for her, not you.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You know you don’t have to respond to her, right?
In fact, just block her so she doesn’t continue reaching out looking for attention at your expense.
She’s toxic. Don’t respond!


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Usy777 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I put up a post of couple of days ago regarding my ex and today she messaged out of the blue. See below for the updated post:
> 
> ...


Her plan A likely didn't work out and is hoping you, the plan B, will take her back.

There is nothing to gain for you here. Be absolute in not wanting her. If you stay in communication, she may try to sabotage you in future relationships.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

How could she message you?

I mean, you blocked her on anything and everything, right?

Heck, many get knew phone numbers to stop this too.

I don't get how she could just message you.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it happens around xmas time.
people without any friends are sitting home alone on xmas day, and depending on how much alcohol they drink either fondly remember past relationships, feel remorse for treating people badly in the past, and do some drunk texting to those people.

you can pretty safely ignore such texts.
but you can bet that at least subconsciously, they are still thinking of you


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Hate to be cliché but she is an ex for a reason!

There is no point in being friends with this woman. Just block her and move on.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I guess if you enjoy being sloppy 6th, 7ths, .....27ths, 28ths .... you can just keep going back to her. We all know about what a plan B guy looks like but you sound like plan D. Don’t be so desperate. She is a dumpster fire.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You have created 5 threads since joining (20 days ago) and have not replied on any of them. The question is what's the point of anyone posting on your threads?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Usy777 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I put up a post of couple of days ago regarding my ex and today she messaged out of the blue. See below for the updated post:
> 
> ...


Sounds like she wanted a back up for down the road. Di not do it! This sorry excuse for a female is all about herself.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Combine the fact that around the holidays people get nostalgic with her desire to have you as an option, thrown in not wanting to be a bad guy and you have your reason. If she gets you to be her friend, she can believe that what she did was not that bad. Her being a serial cheater, she feels the need to have options available. 

Block her in all ways. You will not get over her if you allow her to keep popping into your life. Get busy with your life. At the right time, a loving woman will come into your life but you won’t notice her if you’re obsessing about your ex. Not to mention that no woman of quality will want to be with you if she notices that your obsessed with an ex.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> You have created 5 threads since joining (20 days ago) and have not replied on any of them. The question is what's the point of anyone posting on your threads?


Dude, do you know how to reply? 
If not, you need serious help in managing simple communications.

At the bottom of each "Thread" page there is a white block that says "write your _reply_".
Type in your responses, then go to the dark "_Post reply_" icon and mouse-tap it.

Type in your replies, do not start a new thread!!


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Usy777 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I put up a post of couple of days ago regarding my ex and today she messaged out of the blue. See below for the updated post:
> 
> ...


My best guess is that it makes her feel better about the breakup if she can still check up on you to see you still single. It's an internal message to herself that it isn't so bad if you aren't able, choice or otherwise, to jump into another relationship.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

A lot of women after a lot of breakups are perfectly fine with a no sex just friendship relationship with their EX. Men usually are not up for that and should not allow it unless they really think they are that over it, plus it will just keep you from being able to keep a new woman because a new woman isn't going to put up with an old woman. 

She wants to keep the part of the relationship where she got friend attention from you and probably figures if she had that she wouldn't be missing the rest of the relationship. It's not about her trying to keep you or get back together with you. She will turn you into her gossipy girlfriend if you let it go on. It will keep you both from having healthy Future relationships. Being a active friend is one thing and being on friendly acquaintance terms when you run across each other is another. Just tell her you are going to move on and don't think you should do that with her staying around confusing you wanting to be friends or you can make it clear if there's no six involved you don't see the point. What you don't want to do is sit around waiting for her to come back simply because she isn't actively hating on you.


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