# Need opinions and i cant tell my friends



## ILOVEGOLF (May 6, 2012)

First a brief history. I have been married nearly 20 years. My husband M was a virgin when we met and never had a girlfirend. We were together 2 years before we got married. We have been happy had ups and downs. Major was loss of his parent 7 weeks apart. But about 6 years ago, things got rough. Sex was very poor and not very often. He was spending a lot of time on the computer. I found he had a seperate email account. When i confroted him there were tears and stress and i got him to log in and show me what was in it. Messages from 2 woman and a photo of a girl naked top half only. Rather large lady and I am not small myself. After long discussions as to why etc, i got curoisty in chat rooms and sex etc, no previos girlfriends and he promised to stop it. Close the account and work on us. Which he did. I cant rememeber when maybe a couple of year ago he fell asleep with his mobile on the bed. I picked up phone thought it strange so i checked it. There were messages from this girl from the photo. K. I again freaked. He promised me it was nothing she text him cos her and the long time boyfriend split and she just needed someone to talk to. But i said about him promising me that he wouldn't have anything to do with her again. M said it was just support friendship nothing else. But he was sorry he would stop he would promise never to do it again or contact her again etc etc. His number was due to change in a few months. i would check his phone nothing there so thought all done. We were ok sex was good, relationship was good. I did check in on this girl, did a msn search and found her. She had no activity on her account just a log in from a bloke with a funny account name not M's so didnt worry. We have sepreate laptops now, and again I could see he spent alot of time on it. Also new phone android lots of internet access.
2 weeks ago i checked his phone and there was a net entry into an email account K's name came up. I had it out with him again in a very tearfull session. Again he said they are just friends, she has very little friends and has been ill and needed support. He told me everything about her, and although they met on a sex site. No sex is discusted, no naked pics exchanged on clothed ones, she thinks he is a handsome bloke.
But what hurts is he contacted her first, he has been lieing again for 5 months and he broke his promise again, then in discussion of this I found he had another secret email account and a secret facebook, and they talk on the phone. I again got the password and saw in 5 hours they emailed back and forth for 27 messages. I couldn't read them i was mortified. I croed for hours. He said he would stop the contact he doesn't want to loose me. I am sucker cos i am a size 26 and I love him so much i said if it is just friends she can join his normal facebook, he has to close the secret one. he can only email to her if she contacts him which is apprantly 3-4 times a week and text. BUT IS NOT ALLOWED TO EXCHANGE PICS OR TALK ON THE PHONE. When i logged in they had also emailed 8 days on the trot.
So am i being paranoid, very jealous over nothing a friendship to a girl and i say girl cos she is 27 he is 43 who jus makes him laugh, chat about probs and footie, who is no friend of min and who he has never met and his words, yeh sometimes dont have alot in common. I cant tell my family but i needed to see what some people would think and if they think the same or I am juat being stupid cos there is nothing in it.
Thanks ladies.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

There's plenty of reason to worry about your husband's activities. He's been caught lying! People lie to cover things up. If he wasn't involved in inappropriate behavior, he would have no reason to lie. It's that simple.

Your husband is finding these women on sex sites and says they are just friends? Yeah, right. And he has secret e-mail and FaceBook accounts. You aren't being paranoid.


----------



## xena74 (May 5, 2012)

Secret Fb accounts, secret email??? No, your not being paranoid. If they were truely "just friends" they would talk openly on his normal accounts. 

If it was me, I would download a key stroke logger and see exactly what else he's doing, then confront him.

If you want to save your marriage or not, thats on you. Only you know what is best for your marriage. But if you do want to be with this man, I would be taking a hammer to his laptop and phone.


----------



## Peachy Cat (Apr 15, 2012)

ANYTIME a man lies to his wife about another woman, it's a HUGE RED FLAG.


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I agree with peachy. Time to get tough!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm sorry you're going through this. You don't know exactly what he's done. He only gives you bits of information. I think there might be more to this. I find it very hard to believe they met on some sex website, but haven't talked about sex in chats or emails. Does that sound believable to you?

Also, don't think that just because they haven't met (is she in your country?) that this isn't serious. Go to the Coping With Infidelity section. There are so many stories of people have emotional or cyber affairs without ever meeting in person. They exchange "I love you"s. They invest emotionally in their affair partner - thousands of texts, emails, FaceBook messages, phone calls. They take energy and attention that should go to the spouse and divert it instead to some other person.

I would put a keylogger on his computer. Go to the Coping Infidelity section to get more tips on tracking his whereabouts on his cell phone.


----------



## ILOVEGOLF (May 6, 2012)

Thanks Guys, he has said that the reason he didnt tell me they were back in touch was because of how they met in 2006. But nothing goes on like that now. He says it may get flirty but she is in a relationship with a guy at the moment and he knows that she has this male on line friend and he os ok with it all. But i bet he doesn't know how they first met. Cos i think if he did he would kinda feel the same as i do. I also said to him. What if it was the other way round would you feel the same sa i do. He said errr yes he would. But he insists its just friendship. I know he does love me but like you guys said I just cant believe there is nothing more to it.. I am interested in this key logger thing but if i get it on his computer will he know it is there.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Go to the Coping with Infidelity section of this website. They know all about keyloggers. I'm no expert but I think one can be installed without detection. You don't have to even be in the same location to install a keylogger. It could be even done remotely.


----------



## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

ILOVEGOLF said:


> ...Again he said they are just friends, she has very little friends and has been ill and needed support.


Being soft will not help. Tell him he needs to make a choice and make sure he does not stay in touch with her. Tell him if this poor girl doesn't have any friends and needs a supportive friend you are more than willing to be her friend, and she can excuse him.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

ILOVEGOLF said:


> Thanks Guys, he has said that the reason he didnt tell me they were back in touch was because of how they met in 2006. But nothing goes on like that now. He says it may get flirty but she is in a relationship with a guy at the moment and he knows that she has this male on line friend and he os ok with it all. But i bet he doesn't know how they first met. Cos i think if he did he would kinda feel the same as i do. I also said to him. What if it was the other way round would you feel the same sa i do. He said errr yes he would. But he insists its just friendship. I know he does love me but like you guys said I just cant believe there is nothing more to it.. I am interested in this key logger thing but if i get it on his computer will he know it is there.


BEWARE! Cheaters are liars. You've already caught him lying to cover up. This latest line may also be a lie.


----------

