# My boyfriend of seven years cheated



## Lisa0581 (Jan 23, 2008)

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he cheated on me about a month ago and I feel like it still just hapened. I just dont understand why. I thought he loved me. He tells me he still does yet he continues to talk to the other girl. Here is what happened. He met a girl at work and told her all about me, bad things of course. Then he told her we were broken up but I was still living in the house. My boyfriend started acting very strange. His phone was on silent all the time. He was constantly going into the bathroom. ( to text her) He was snapping at me over the smallest things. He even told me that he no longer finds me attractive. Well I had a gut feeling that something was up. Then one day out of the blue, she contacted me through myspace. She told me that she wanted to know my side of the story because she didnt understand why I was still living there if we were broken up. I told her that she needs to back off of my boyfriend and that we never broke up. Then she called my boyfriend to ask him if we were broken up or not and he said we are I just dont want to accept it. That is when he finnally admitted to me that he had sex with her. Then she called back and I was trying to ask him why and he treated me like garbage because she was listining. Then when he got off the phone he kept telling me how sorry he was. Well the next day I came home from work and he was talking to her on the phone. I started screaming calling her all kinds of dirty names. He hung up and told me I was wrong and immature for doing that. I kept saying but I thought you cared about me and he said look at what I am looking at on the computer, That is how much I care. I looked at the computer and he was looking at porn. I started crying uncontrollably and ran out of the house and called my dad. I left that night. He cryed and begged me not to go. But I later found out that as soon I left he was on the phone with the other girl and she came over. We still talked to each other after I left but we mostly fought. Things started to calm down so I asked him if he wanted to spend new years eve with me. He said yes. Then the next day he told me he couldnt because it would hurt to much, and he just wanted to spend new years alone like he deserves and he told me not to call him. Something did not seem right so I drove by around 9:30 and her car was in the driveway, then I drove by again at 2:30 and her car was still in the driveway. He called me the next day crying and telling me he was so sorry and I asked him what did you do on new years eve and he said he cryed him self to sleep. I told him that I drove by and he tried saying it was the neighbors car but he finnally admitted that she was there and she spent the night. But they didnt do anything they just talked. Yeah I dont believe that for a second. Then things calmed down with us once again and he called me one morning and told me that he was really sick. Then I got a text from him around 5:30 saying that he was in the ER. Well I got scared and called his mom and long story short I found out that he lied about that too becasue he was spending time with his new girlfriend and didnt want me to bother them. I went there the very next day to get the rest of my stuff and she locked herself in the bedroom and would not come out. He treated me like garbage the whole time because she was listing and as soon as we went outside he started telling me that he loved me. He had bruises all over his arms and I asked him how he got those bruises and he said he got in a fist fight. But I later found out that him and that girl were wrestling. I just dont understand whay he is doing this to me. We were together for seven years. We were going to get married! I still love him and I dont think I will ever stop. I cry myself to sleep every single night. I waske up in the middle of the night crying all the time. and now, My stomach burns so bad, my chest feels tight and everytime I eat something I feel nausea. I have lost so much weight which is not a good thing because I am allready thin to begin with. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel so worthless. I dont even want to think about dating other men and my friends are trying to get me to. I'm not ready. He is the only man that I love. He still calles me to this day and I am nice to him because a part of me wants him back. I just dont get it. He was never like this and now he is a different person. Even his mother told me he would never cheat. I know he is still taking to that girl and it just kills me inside. Anybody have any insight? Do you think we are better off apart or maybe we could work it out? I dont think I am ready to cut him completly out of my life. 

He now calls me and tells me that he wants to work things out with me but he wants to take it slow. He said he still has some feeling that he needs to work out but I don't understand, What does he need to work out? I am the one in pain. He told me he is willing to talk to a therapist to see if our relationship can be salvaged. He told me that he loves me more than I know, but why did he hurt me like this? I feel like I have become obsessesed with the fact that he cheated on me. I really want to get past this. I love him and I just cant stop. I am still in love with him too. Yesterday he came to my job to give me my mail and I was handing him something our hands brushed each other and I started to cry. I just dont know what to do anymore. I want my old life back. I want to go back to the way we used to be. He even said the same thing. We used to be a strong bonded couple. I just dont know where we went wrong.


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## gingerb (Jan 21, 2008)

Honey, you are much too good for him. Please don't let him get off so easy. If he really wanted to be with JUST you he would have cut all ties with her as soon as it came out. He would have devoted himself to you and your relationship. It seems like he is either "falling back" on you, playing games or just can't make up his mind. Either way you have to move on. Allow yourself enough time to mourn the death of your relationship. Then I'm sure you'll find your selfworth as well as someone better that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. The pain may never go away but I promise it will get better if you let it. Please take care of yourself as much as you can and ALWAYS remember you are not alone. There's always others out there that are dealing with complete heartache. You are stronger than you think right now.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I know a girl that is much like your boyfriend. So I will give you a bit of insight here.

1) He wants his cake and something he can fall back on, at first the other girl was the fall back now you are the fall back. Chances are since he pulled it off he will always be like this.

2) He is selfish and has put himself ahead of you.

3) Not only did he cheat but has manipulated you and her at the same time while lying about the whole thing.

You deserve to have better and there are men out there that will treat you well. Give yourself as much time as you need and work on yourself. The money you save from going out can be used for a gym or new clothes for now.

Most of all cut him out of your life so you CAN heal.

draconis


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## momfirst (Sep 28, 2007)

I agree with all the responses, Lisa0581, you need to cut communication with him and show him that way that what he did to you is not acceptable and stop playing his game... 

I am sorry you are so hurt I went through the same thing except in my situation there are 4 children involved.


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## username (Jan 14, 2008)

I agree with the previous responses, and the thing is : actions speak louder than words. He can tell you all he wants about loving you/wanting you back but then his actions are telling you the real story. For whatever reason, he is acting incredibly mean and selfish. I know you love/d him and that this must be so difficult, but probably at this point things are NOT going to be the same/go back to the way they were. They CAN however go one of two ways - you find a NEW way to move on in your relationship, or you separate because he has damaged the relationship and is not taking steps to repair it. EITHER WAY you need to put the focus on YOU. Put yourself first and remove yourself from this painful wierd drama. Its not doing you any good to stick around for it. You are better than that, and its just going to bring you down. And sadly, for alot of people they just don't "get it" until its gone - he may continue acting this way as long as he thinks he's still got you in some capacity. He has to know that you will not tolerate this behavior, and you have to tell yourself/know that first. Respect yourself and move on and heal yourself for now.


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## emate1209 (Jan 17, 2008)

Hi Lisa,

No doubt you are going through some very tough times and we all feel for you. 

2 points.

1. The community have called it correctly and you should cut all ties with him and start the healing process for your self. Try and get as much support by talking to family and friends. Of course using this forum is the best way to vent as well.


2. If on the remote chance you want to save your relationship then give yourselves some space and time to think. 

Try and limit communication to every 2 or 3 days. Use the time to think rationally about how you want the relationship to move forward and what type of partner you would like and expect. 

One of the outcomes you should expect from your partner, during this time off, is for him to truly understand he has really hurt you and that he needs to be very remorseful of the situation.

If he doesn't genuinely see that then really there isn't much hope.

In conclusion I would probably suggest that most people who read your post would want you to cut all ties and move on. I think given the amount of lies and deception there really is no alternative. 

If you decide to cut all ties, take the necessary time to heal your self before moving onto another relationship.

Stay brave. Best of luck.

Cheers


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## sarahdale24 (Feb 3, 2008)

:iagree: with everything here! This site is great! If you ever need to vent come here! I agree that you need to cut ties. Ive been in sorta the same situation and it hurts. I was DEPRESSED for awhile and then finally found what I was worth and this guy didn't deserve me. He still emailed me occassionally, even after I got remarried. Just asking how I was, well the day he sent out a group email telling us that he got married and was expecting their first child, I deleted the email account and never looked back. I am thankful for that because I needed to heal. It takes time and it sucks, but you deserve the best and thats not him!


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## brid2be (Feb 4, 2008)

I am just curious if there were any warning signs that you saw before this all happened. Like now that you look back was there anything that you ignored that was like the first sign? The reason I ask is I feel I might be headed in the same direction and I want to stop it before it even starts. Thanks for you information


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

A bit about cheating, cheaters and the victim.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/320-cheating-thesis.html

draconis


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

Why, after 7 years, has there been no progression toward marriage?

As difficult as it might be, dump him and be sure to let others know exactly why you have broken off. This way, the likelihood that he can hide behind explanations can be nipped in the bud!


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## Cuddly84 (Jan 24, 2008)

Things will get better believe me I was with my bf (babies father for 2 years) and I went through the same thing as you found out he was cheating with his brothers ex gf who is best friends with his sister in law. 
I caught him out 3 times but forgave the last time i didnt I told myself he isnt worth it but it hurt a hell lot i didnt sleep i was vomiting lost alot of weight ended up in hospital. But im glad i got rid of him now as I met the most wonderful guy 4 months ago surely i have trust issues and major issues with myself but he has stuck by me and he treats my son well. THe first time i met this new guy i fell in love and now fully commited to one another.
There r plenty of fish out in the sea and ur knight in shining armor i somewhere just love being single for awhile get out there have some fun. make urself over and live ur life. Men aint worth all the crying one will come along and respect you.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Has anyone heard from Lisa??? I was just wondering??


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