# Parent sleeping with child



## BeachGuy

My wife has slept with my now 10 y/o daughter for a long time. As long as I can remember actually. It started with the daughter coming to our room and getting her a couple times during the night. Wife would go lay down with her for a bit, then come back to bed. In the past 2 years, it's turned in to her just sleeping in the bed with her all night, every night. She (wife) will come to bed, then daughter comes and gets her shortly after and they both go get in a single bed and sleep the rest of the night.

I used to think it was harmless but now I see the effects. My daughter is insecure and very fearful of being alone. She's constantly asking me about burglars and bad people. The one time I talked to her recently about divorce, she immediately got teary-eyed and said "But then who would protect us???"

I don't know how to get wife to stop doing this. I'm ready to threaten her with some childish punishment if she doesn't stop, like taking her car keys. Which of course sounds absurd. But she (wife) is very immature. She goes through life seeing the world as a child would. The kids are her entire life. She waits on them hand and foot, doesn't make them do much at all, etc.

Apparently sleeping with our daughter helps fulfill her desire to be wanted and needed. Of course the perfect answer is she should be focusing on us and our marriage instead of getting this need met through our kids, but that's hopeless.

So how do I get her to stop? Even the counselor we both see individually has told her she shouldn't be doing this. We have a second, older daughter who my wife never slept with.


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## hotdogs

Have you tried telling your wife that this is pulling you farther away from her? That you no longer feel close to her? 10 years old is excessive and this is coming from a mother who co-slept with all of her children until age 5 and still does. I know that we are trying ourselves to get the smaller children into their own beds because of this reason.

Last night my husband told me that because of my consistent bad mood he is pulling farther away from me every day. This was a huge wake up call because he's never said that before. Maybe it will shock your wife as well. Honestly there's nothing worse in my opinion. I never want my husband pulling away from me.


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## BeachGuy

hotdogs said:


> Have you tried telling your wife that this is pulling you farther away from her? That you no longer feel close to her? 10 years old is excessive and this is coming from a mother who co-slept with all of her children until age 5 and still does. I know that we are trying ourselves to get the smaller children into their own beds because of this reason.
> 
> Last night my husband told me that because of my consistent bad mood he is pulling farther away from me every day. This was a huge wake up call because he's never said that before. Maybe it will shock your wife as well. Honestly there's nothing worse in my opinion. I never want my husband pulling away from me.


I don't think that'd work in my case since our marriage is all but over. In fact, I think it'd have the opposite effect. If she thought I was pulling away further (if that's even possible), she'd feel even more of a need to sleep with our daughter.


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