# StepDaughter tearing family apart



## vbeezy2011

I'll try to make a long story short. 
I have a step daughter (32) and have been with her father for 17 yrs. He has 2 other kids 31 and 18. I have 2 kids; 22 and 21. 
All was good until about when my daughter turned 13ish. Step daughter decided that every time she would come over house, she would be subtly or not subtly disrespectful to my daughter. Calling her a brat, treating her different fro her "real" sister etc. This happened for a while and I finally snapped. That was 4 years ago. I have not spoken to her since, She continues to talk badly about me and my daughter to anyone who will listen. 
My husband and her have continued a on and off relationship, I requested that he let me know when he talked to her. I do not like to find things out "thru the grapevine of gossip". I recently found out that while he was away on business that she flew there to visit him and has a pre-paid cell so that I did not know when he was talking to her. My husband is currently working out of state and staying with my daughter. I found out when she facebooked my duaghter and told her she was a "S**TBag" and that her dad has not talked to her since he moved in. I confonrted my husband about hiding this from me and want other peoples input on this. I would have rather had him tell me they were talking then to find out like this. I feel betrayed and lied to. Any help?


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## Runs like Dog

Yes, she's a grown up. Tell her and your husband that all contact is over. Over, and out. She can contact her sibs obviously but not you or your kids. End of story. For God's sake she's an adult, is she off her rocker?


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## BigToe

I think you are out of line. Regardless of your feelings toward her, this is your husbands child and it's wrong to make him feel guilty about talking to her unless you know about it. It sounds to me that he had a rendezvous with his daughter out of your site because he knows how you would react and didn't want to deal with it. That's pitiful and if it were me I would have told you to take a ride around the block while I visited with my daughter in MY home.

You certainly have a right to confront your husband about his daughters behavior and explain why YOU don't want to talk with her, but making your husband answer to you when he wants to talk to his daughter is outrageous.


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## mmpriest_2707

just accept it because its your husband daughter,it might be stink(which it is!)..you know just dont mind her because if you do she just keeps on doing it,tell your daughter not to response on her also..its understandable how you feel also to your husband,talk to him and pour it out after that tell yourself to be happy because life is too short..


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## Syrum

You have a right to expect your husband to ask his children to treat you and your daughter with respect and he should absolutely make that clear.

However asking him not to talk to his daughter without your knowledge is silly, and you not speaking to her is also immature. if you were not angry about it I'm sure he would tell you.

Why don't you set an example on how to behave?


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## vbeezy2011

I agree that it is silly and wrong of me to ask him to tell me when he talks to her. Yet, at the same time; I feel hurt (my issue) when he does. I believe it is because I do not think he has said to her-- you cannot disrespect my wife and her kids. I have talked with him numerous times about it and we cannot seem to find that happy medium. I am feeling like if I love him, I have to just move on, accept this situation and ignore it. Easier said than done or I would not be here right now
I do not agree with the comment about being immature for not talking to her. I do not have time for people who are disrespectful to me in my life. Nor do I think I need to have them around, I would not see that as immature. I see that as a proactive thing to do. Why would I want a negative person around me? knowing that they are saying rude and inappropriate things?


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## michzz

The context of her rude behavior is your stepdaughter's insecurity. She feels replaced by your daughter, threatened for some reason.

Result? Her poor behavior.

The question is, what is the root of your poor behavior?

You are defending your daughter, BUT you've layered on controlling behavior and are not trying to defuse your stepdaughter's insecurity.

You are holding onto anger from when your child was 13? That was a decade ago. 

Better to move on from the negativity. Hold out an olive branch.


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## Runs like Dog

Does your 32 year old stepdaughter not have anything more important in her life to occupy her time with?


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