# Still using credit card after we agreed not to



## boygirlmom (Feb 25, 2019)

To keep a long story short, my husband and I (aside from other problems in the marriage,) got caught up in a lot of credit card debt that I was unaware of. We both had credit cards, but on my account it only would say the monthly balance, but every month it would go back to $0 so I naively thought it was being paid off every month. He is the primary account holder so he sees all the details, I don't see anything.

Anyway, about a Year ago it clicked that our available balance was way off our current balance, doing math that would mean we were in $5,000 in debt. It took me awhile to realize what those numbers meant, as I was new to having a credit card. I flipped cause I am really good with money, and would have never allowed the debt to grow that much. We both agreed to not spend the credit card.

However, for 6 months it was growing....not shrinking....I brought it up to my husband and he just let me do all the talking. So I thought it was just interest building up, I never thought it could possibly be my husband spending it still, even after our fight about it. I trusted him. 

But when our debt reached $10,000, I knew something was up. Turns out it was my husband using it, I got him to confess he never stopped using it. That was a huge fight, cause for 6 months almost every month I brought up my concerns...why wouldn't he tell me he was spending money on the credit card?? Why did he make me believe it was interest and he had nothing to do with it? He kept this up for the entire 6 months until it was impossible to hide anymore. I never saw him use the credit card which means he would have to use it behind my back. Anyway....I kept track after that for a few months, making sure there were no current purchases. I kept track of the available balance compared to the current balance, which is the only way I can keep track.

I got lazy and stopped checking except for today. It seemed like we should be in less debt, so out of curiosity I just went to the bank and asked for them to print the last 2 months of the credit card statements.

There's not much, just two purchases. one for gas, and one for PayPal. I wasn't even aware he had a PayPal....lol anyway, we weren't supposed to be using the card at all. We have allot of debt and I made it clear not a penny goes on it....

We have an ongoing issue of him being terribly hurt that I don't trust him, and so me printing statements without him knowing is a huge "I don't trust you" move which I do feel bad....but then things like this happen and it's hard to start to trust him again. I feel like I have good reason to not trust him, but he makes me feel so guilty about it...

My question is what would you do? Should I go back to the bank and print a whole year to see if it's a pattern?? At this point I don't trust my husbands word cause he has a habit of lying. Or let it go for now, and print out a history in a few months to see if it's something that continues to happen?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If your name is on that credit card account, then his debt is impacting your credit rating. I would get copies of all the statements going back as far as you can. See what the money is being, or has been, spent on. That's a lot of debt to accumulate in a few months time. Clearly, he either has a spending problem or is up to something shady. Neither option says anything positive about the state of your relationship or his fitness to be in charge of the finances. 

Also, read up on how credit cards work and how credit works. You need to understand and be involved in your family's finances. You should never be so unaware of your finances that a $5,000 debt goes unnoticed, much less a $10,000 one.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

So your husband lies to you and when you catch him out he feels that you don’t trust him? 
Can you not see that he’s gaslighting you?


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## Neskol (May 17, 2010)

First thing is to make a plan to get out of debt. If you can't pay it off in a month you need to modify your spending. Every CC I had billed statements either online or to the house. You need to review them together and learn how interest works. Bringing up old habits isn't going to help matters. As Rowan said you need to both be involved in your finances and not be oblivious to what comes and goes throughout the month, it starts with a budget. I had 5k in CC dept once then was so disgusted with paying so much for interest that I worked it off and pay it off every month.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

boygirlmom said:


> There's not much, just two purchases. one for gas, and one for PayPal. I wasn't even aware he had a PayPal....lol anyway, we weren't supposed to be using the card at all. We have allot of debt and I made it clear not a penny goes on it....


I could see the gas being because he didn't have cash and needing a way to pay. The PayPal is probably not his paypal account. Rather, he bought something from a merchant and the merchant used paypal as the payment method. It would be like seeing Ebay or Amazon. 

I would recommend getting the CC statements for as far back as you go. Your husband might be financially irresponsible or he may be spending money on stuff he doesn't want you to know about. Like the PayPal charge, try to find out more details about that. Although PayPal is used for a lot of legitimate things, it can also be used for a lot of shady things as well.

How are you guys paying for stuff (like gas) if you're not using the credit card? How do you buy stuff online? What is the plan to pay off the credit card? If you really don't want him using the card, you should take the card away and cut it up.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Thats awesome that he lies to you and guilt trips you for not trusting him.


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## boygirlmom (Feb 25, 2019)

Thanks I'll check out all the statements as far back as it goes, good idea. I'll get a print out when he goes to work. 

And I confirmed he has a PayPal account cause I called them. But they couldn't give me any information cause it's husband's account not mine. too bad lol 

That's what I'm afraid of, is him spending money on things he doesn't want me to know. Or he legit has a problem. So I'll find out exactly what happened to the debt accumulating so quickly in those months.

But what should I do about the PayPal? It really is bugging me that I didn't know he had one. Eventually should I bring it up?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Does his paycheck come to an account you have access to? I would call the credit card company if your name's on it and say he can't use it without his permission - AFTER you tell him you're going to do it. He has to learn to budget for a good 12 months before you two should consider getting another credit card.


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## boygirlmom (Feb 25, 2019)

@wilson we have a debit card that takes money directly out of the checking, you dont need cash to get gas. There's machines right at the pump that takes the debit card and you can walk into the store and pay. There would be no reason or excuse to use the credit card since I know for a fact that we have had plenty of money those last two months. But I live in California so it may be different here.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

How much was the PayPal charge you saw? I'm confused why he would use the CC to put money into his PayPal account. If you buy something on a place like ebay, you can use the PayPal option to pay with your credit card directly. You wouldn't need to put money into your PayPal account. If he put money into his own account, I'm guessing he was doing so as a way to send money to someone else. Or he may have just been buying something normal and thought he had to put money into his own PayPal account to pay. It's hard to know without all the details

One thing you should also do is get a copy of your credit history from https://www.annualcreditreport.com. That's the government website which allows you to get a free copy of your credit report. Check your history to make sure there are no suspicious accounts. You can probably get one for your husband as well if you know his Social Security number and similar details.


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