# Does your wayward believe you will leave if they cheat again?



## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

My wife was shocked when I left her for cheating on me, although I always told her I would. For those that are now in R, do you think your wayward believed you would leave when they cheated the first time, and do they think you are bluffing when you tell them they will not get a second chance?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I never told my H I would leave if he cheated on me but I asked him to leave. We are reconciling now and he knows if it happens again he will be asked to leave for the last time!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

illwill said:


> My wife was shocked when I left her for cheating on me, although I always told her I would. For those that are now in R, do you think your wayward believed you would leave when they cheated the first time, and do they think you are bluffing when you tell them they will not get a second chance?


I've never told my wife that I would in so many words; but there's no doubt she knows it. In fact, I don't think she's over confident that I wouldn't regardless.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Oh yes, my fWW absolutely believes me because I divorced my first cheating WW.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

My stbxww knew I would leave her. I had to try R, but I was fooling myself. Cheating is a dealbreaker. Period.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> Oh yes, my fWW absolutely believes me because I divorced my first cheating WW.


As it should be. To each his own, but I cannot fathom wanting to be with someone who would treat me like that. I'm assuming there are good women out there who would never cheat. But that's just an assumption.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

yes, and not because it's a threat, it would be for me


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Yes... and she knows I'd leave her for even lesser affronts than cheating now as well. Basically, she knows her adultery seriously devalued her worth to me in staying in the relationship; A lot of other things I once tolerated will no longer be acceptable either.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Racer said:


> Yes... and she knows I'd leave her for even lesser affronts than cheating now as well. Basically, she knows her adultery seriously devalued her worth to me in staying in the relationship; A lot of other things I once tolerated will no longer be acceptable either.


Are you happy with her?


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

If he doesn't he should, but I believe he does. However, he does not even have to cheat. If he even speaks to OW o if I even find out she sent him anything - a letter and he didn't tell me about it, I am done. Any form of reconnection, even a google search and it is all over. Period.

This Thu we will be 1 year NC


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I think my wife didn't really think about it all that much as she cheated. She thought I didn't love her anyway. I do think she was very surprised that I didn't leave when she found out how much I knew, and also by how hurt I was. 

She knows not only will she not get another chance, but also that all the assumptions she made about the courts forcing me to support her won't mean much. I would rather go to jail, or live on the street than give her a cent if we split, and she knows I mean it. I've busted my ass for us, supported her dreams, and I got paid back with infidelity for my dedication. 

Nor will we go back to the way things were. That marriage sucked. We can call each other on bad habits now, rather than stew in silent resentment.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My hubby figured our marriage was over the first time, and he KNOWS it will be over if it happens again.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

The-Deceived said:


> Are you happy with her?


Hard question:
Yes, no and everything in between when it deals with how I perceive her. I am happy because I no longer rely on her to be the caretaker of my happiness. I like being around her. I’m just no longer stuck in the fantasy world that “she completes me” and I need her. I’d be fine without her. 

In the marriage, there are different dynamics now: Fun, happy, and better. We do stuff together and like it. There are also ‘disagreements’, but the way we handle them now is a whole ton better than we used to. So I like how we work now. 

But that miserable past is still there tormenting... strong memories, strong emotions about them. It continues to influence my perceptions of who she is like a anchor from allowing me to elevate her worth in my mind.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

My gf knows that I will not abide infidelity. The good news is she's extremely chaste- she will not let anyone advance on her, not even me. Not until we're married. I'm proud of her.

*EDIT:* To clarify, my gf has never cheated on me or anyone. She is not a ww or a fww.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Regarding infidelity, even "minor" faults, she knows this is the last chance. No doubt.


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## GoodForNothing (Feb 25, 2013)

illwill said:


> My wife was shocked when I left her for cheating on me, although I always told her I would. For those that are now in R, do you think your wayward believed you would leave when they cheated the first time, and do they think you are bluffing when you tell them they will not get a second chance?


We've been in R for a while, though I've found out recently on this site that we've been doing a lot wrong. Starting over again I guess. Anyway, I made it clear to my wife that if I catch her doing even a lesser crime than she's done in the past, I'm out. I mean it, if I even feel like she's maybe thinking of another EA again, I'm gone. Easier said than done but she seems to take me seriously, unlike about a year ago when I first found out what was going on and I took responsibility on myself to fix it all. In terms of did she think I'd leave the first time? She's gotten away with way too much for her to have ever thought that, so I think this "new" policy of divorce for less is a shock to her.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

Without a doubt, 100%, if I do anything even remotely in the realm of being inappropriate with someone else, my husband is gone. I still don't feel totally sure that he is going to stay with me after what I've done this time; he still struggles with it. 

I believed he would leave me when he learned of my PA. It shocked me that he didn't just write me off then and there. I know part of him feels like he has taught me that he doesn't follow through on things, and that that will make me more likely to cheat again. I don't see it that way at all though. He has given me a gift I could never deserve, and one that he won't give again. I never want to lose him or hurt him again, and I refuse to put myself in a similar situation again.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My FWW knows I would never leave her if she cheats again...with enough lime and a deep enough hole in the crawl space she will always be with me...LOL

Seriously, I let go of her before I can let go of her again...thats a given.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

My wife said '"I thought you loved me enough to forgive me". I replied "I thought you loved me enough to not cheat. I guess we were both wrong".


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Racer said:


> Hard question:
> Yes, no and everything in between when it deals with how I perceive her. I am happy because I no longer rely on her to be the caretaker of my happiness. I like being around her. I’m just no longer stuck in the fantasy world that “she completes me” and I need her. I’d be fine without her.
> 
> In the marriage, there are different dynamics now: Fun, happy, and better. We do stuff together and like it. There are also ‘disagreements’, but the way we handle them now is a whole ton better than we used to. So I like how we work now.
> ...


This is where i am at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

ChangingMe said:


> Without a doubt, 100%, if I do anything even remotely in the realm of being inappropriate with someone else, my husband is gone. I still don't feel totally sure that he is going to stay with me after what I've done this time; he still struggles with it.
> 
> I believed he would leave me when he learned of my PA. It shocked me that he didn't just write me off then and there. I know part of him feels like he has taught me that he doesn't follow through on things, and that that will make me more likely to cheat again. I don't see it that way at all though. He has given me a gift I could never deserve, and one that he won't give again. I never want to lose him or hurt him again, and I refuse to put myself in a similar situation again.


This is where my wife is at, it seems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## newlife94 (Aug 11, 2011)

The-Deceived said:


> As it should be. To each his own, but I cannot fathom wanting to be with someone who would treat me like that. I'm assuming there are good women out there who would never cheat. But that's just an assumption.


Believe me, there are women who will not cheat. I am in R right now, but have doubts... a lot. I have always said this is a deal breaker, but I made the decision to try R. It has been over a year now since Dday, I am working on it but still wonder if my heart will get past this.
I told him many times that I was leaving- and to expect a thank you letter from a wonderful man who would be grateful he f'd up... I am not perfect but I am a great wife and loving woman. He said that no doubt someone would be amazingly lucky to have me and he knows he does not deserve me. :scratchhead: I am stumped on why??? I think that is the part I really cannot get over. POSOW is no where near the person I am and he was willing to put his career and family on the line.


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## newlife94 (Aug 11, 2011)

Oh ... and he knows I will leave. He is not convinced I am staying anyway. We are in R right now, I want it to work.... I just need time for my heart to heal from the hell it was put through.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Acabado said:


> Regarding infidelity, even "minor" faults, she knows this is the last chance. No doubt.


As far as my FWW, this is exactly where I stand and she knows. We discussed this at length in years of MC.

There would be no yelling, no crying, nothing, Just gone.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I doubt my STBXH believed it at the time but he definitely believes it now.


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