# The Last Piece of the Puzzle



## workindad

Short background

Had a 2 decade marriage and 2 kids. Wife was a SAHM. Caught her cheating with a younger man working at the YMCA. When confronted she lied her a$$ off then when hit with proof she couldn’t deny- she freaked out and told me it was all my fault. 

She couldn’t divorce me fast enough and said she would replace me with a better man who could provide the lifestyle she wanted. I had purchased a 30K Honda for her. She said she was embarassed to drive it because everyone has one. She wanted a German car. Also, I paid for a membership to the Y, she wanted to join a country club.

I could never figure out why she was with Y guy as she had such a focus on expensive things. After being divorced and now supporting herself- she has seen the light and wants to get back together with me (can you say no f-ing way in hell).

This morning- she provided me with a typed timeline and plan for R. –where was this when it hit the fan?

As it turns out, Y-guy was OM-2… OM-1 was/is a sugar daddy. He’s married with kids. His wife has an Audi and they belong to a country club. XWW and OM-1 were fighting over who was leaving their spouse first. She wanted him to- he wanted her to… Long story short- he dumped her. She was upset and had a fling with Y-guy. That’s what I caught.

She says that why she wanted the fast divorce and “gave me such a good settlement” Apparently, her attorney advised her against our deal. She thought that sugar daddy would leave his wife as soon as she was available. They did start back up as our divorce was processing, but when it became final, sugar daddy changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife.

I thanked her for the information, but told her she needed to move on with her life and that I still have no desire to R with her. I do know who sugar daddy is and am contacting his wife. Although I have no proof other than what my XWW says. But at least she will hear about it.


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## browneyes74

Well, that does explain a lot.. 

I will never understand these people that cheat. As if these new relationships aren't going to have problems. ESPECIALLY since they are bringing problems INTO the new relationship, via the ending marriage.. 

My STBXH doesn't seem to understand this.. And his new bimbo thinks she's getting a guy who makes really good money.. And, he does.. However, he's going to be paying child support for 5 kids to TWO women for well over the next decade.. How long you think she's going to stick it out?

A typed out timeline for R? Wow.. Exactly. Where was this drive and organization during the MARRIAGE? Let alone the discovery? Sad.. 

"Hey, honey, I didn't get what I thought I was going to get out of life, so.. you don't look so bad anymore.. Wanna try again?" 

Very heartwarming.. I'm touched all the way over here


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## alte Dame

Your WW defines the word 'mercenary.'

Normally, I am adamant that a BS contact the OMW/OWH because that person has a right to know. In your case, though, there's a part of me that is sympathetic to the idea that you don't want to rock any boat that would facilitate bringing your WW back to you.


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## weightlifter

Words for sugar daddy...

INCOMING!!!!!!

Can you say boom? I knew you could.


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## weightlifter

Curious. How does it feel to have almost all of the pieces to the puzzle.

How islife for you? Head clearing?
Dating?
Getting any? Yes/no details not needed.
Will you buy me a30k 2013 ford fusion titanium? I promise i will not be embarassed driving it.


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## ThePheonix

alte Dame said:


> Your WW defines the word 'mercenary.'
> 
> Normally, I am adamant that a BS contact the OMW/OWH because that person has a right to know. In your case, though, there's a part of me that is sympathetic to the idea that you don't want to rock any boat that would facilitate bringing your WW back to you.


Parasite is the word I thought about. Looks like ole Workindad dodge a bullet getting away from this vampire. I agree I wouldn't do a damn thing that may draw her attention back to me.


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## Horizon

Yes, stake and mallet required and silver bullet to finish off. Seriously is it any wonder we get psycho. We can go through years of being with someone and then get struck by lightning when we see an alternate world where our significant other is little more than a shallow narcissist.


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## harrybrown

Glad that you are out of her life and that you got a good divorce. So how many other OMs did she have during your marriage? Did you ask her if she used protection and has been checked for stds?

Did you ask her if you were number 3 on her list of were you lower than that? Then have her type up a diary and timeline of the affair. She can spend her time typing that one up. 

She is a special kind of a woman. Scary.


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## workindad

weightlifter said:


> Curious. How does it feel to have almost all of the pieces to the puzzle.
> 
> How islife for you? Head clearing?
> Dating?
> Getting any? Yes/no details not needed.
> Will you buy me a30k 2013 ford fusion titanium? I promise i will not be embarassed driving it.



Life is actually quite good.

I am dating, had a steady GF for a while after the D was final, but am dating around a bit now. One in particular I'm interested in, but we'll have to see if it develops. I'm not pushing anything.

Getting some action as I can. I'm no Brad Pitt.

Ford Fusion is a nice. Um- no, I will not buy you one. LOL

One thing I have learned is that life can actually improve quite nicely once you get rid of a toxic person. Happiness post divorce is quite real.

My wife suffered from a bad case of EPS (entitled princess syndrome).


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## verpin zal

workindad said:


> Short background
> 
> Had a 2 decade marriage and 2 kids. Wife was a SAHM. Caught her cheating with a younger man working at the YMCA. When confronted she lied her a$$ off then when hit with proof she couldn’t deny- she freaked out and told me it was all my fault.
> 
> She couldn’t divorce me fast enough and said she would replace me with a better man who could provide the lifestyle she wanted. I had purchased a 30K Honda for her. She said she was embarassed to drive it because everyone has one. She wanted a German car. Also, I paid for a membership to the Y, she wanted to join a country club.
> 
> I could never figure out why she was with Y guy as she had such a focus on expensive things. After being divorced and now supporting herself- she has seen the light and wants to get back together with me (can you say no f-ing way in hell).
> 
> This morning- she provided me with a typed timeline and plan for R. –where was this when it hit the fan?
> 
> As it turns out, Y-guy was OM-2… OM-1 was/is a sugar daddy. He’s married with kids. His wife has an Audi and they belong to a country club. XWW and OM-1 were fighting over who was leaving their spouse first. She wanted him to- he wanted her to… Long story short- he dumped her. *She was upset and had a fling with Y-guy.* That’s what I caught.
> 
> She says that why she wanted the fast divorce and “gave me such a good settlement” Apparently, her attorney advised her against our deal. She thought that sugar daddy would leave his wife as soon as she was available. They did start back up as our divorce was processing, but when it became final, sugar daddy changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife.
> 
> I thanked her for the information, but told her she needed to move on with her life and that I still have no desire to R with her. I do know who sugar daddy is and am contacting his wife. Although I have no proof other than what my XWW says. But at least she will hear about it.


"I shat all over the place. Why don't I spread it even further?"

Very common saying out here.

Glad you got rid of the lunatic.


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## workindad

harrybrown said:


> Glad that you are out of her life and that you got a good divorce. So how many other OMs did she have during your marriage? Did you ask her if she used protection and has been checked for stds?
> 
> Did you ask her if you were number 3 on her list of were you lower than that? Then have her type up a diary and timeline of the affair. She can spend her time typing that one up.
> 
> She is a special kind of a woman. Scary.




Honestly, I am not sure if there were more OM's. That is certainly possible. I did do a paternity test on my boys. They are mine. 

She swears that was it... as if that is supposed to make it better somehow.

I did do the STD tests. That was humiliating, but my doctor was very supportive.


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## weightlifter

Wont buy me a Fusion?!?

You dont love me any more.
Tantrum
Tantrum
Tantrum

Your original thread still up?


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## WayUpNorth

She will likely make other men very unhappy in the future.


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## Remains

Unbelievable! I fond it astounding the front that cheaters have. I would be embarrassed and ashamed to even go there....and yet they do. I seem to get that on a regular basis...the front of a liar!


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## SaltInWound

It is interesting when you learn the motive for their behavior.


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## ing

hi. We are pretty much on the same timeline and I remember reading your threads as I was writing mine.

Nice to see an update. It is interesting how we do recover, we think we won't at the time. Of course as the blinkers come off we see the person we loved for who they are in reality. That is hard but after we have manged to forgive ourselves for being such suckers it becomes easier and easier.
You sound like you have changed, as I have and that life is moving along nicely. 

Well done man. I know how hard it was to get where you are now.


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## AZman

It is striking how vicious some people can be. Damn.

Good for you on being so strong, glad to read things are better for you too.


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## workindad

weightlifter said:


> Your original thread still up?


Actually, I never posted my whole story at the get go. I have posted parts here and there when relevant on other threads. 

Our path, divorce, was set from the get go. I was pissed and frustrated, but I knew enough to not fight for limbo while she was boning another guy and showing no remorse or respect for me at all.

Seems odd in some ways that she wants "us" again as she calls it. She couldn't wait to be rid of me until the money ran out and sugar daddy ran for the hills. I may not be the swiftest deer in the forest, but I'm not that dumb. 

She plays the "best interest" of our kids card a lot. I can't see it. The best interest of our kids would have been her keeping her pants on when we were married. Also, our kids have adjusted quite well.

Looking back, I can't believe I put up with her crap for as long as I did. That was a bad example to set for our kids.


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## tom67

Workin thanks for sharing.
Sounds like you'll be fine.


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## workindad

ing said:


> hi. We are pretty much on the same timeline and I remember reading your threads as I was writing mine.
> 
> Nice to see an update. It is interesting how we do recover, we think we won't at the time. Of course as the blinkers come off we see the person we loved for who they are in reality. That is hard but after we have manged to forgive ourselves for being such suckers it becomes easier and easier.
> You sound like you have changed, as I have and that life is moving along nicely.
> 
> Well done man. I know how hard it was to get where you are now.




Ing- I hope all is well on your end also. Any recent contact from your WS?


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## lordmayhem

Good job on not being Plan B or C, or whatever it is. Obviously if OM1 had actually left his BW for her, you wouldn't even be hearing anything from her. 

Kudos for not falling for this Gold Digger. Did she show any of this Gold Digger attitude before she met OM1? 



workindad said:


> She plays the "best interest" of our kids card a lot. I can't see it. The best interest of our kids would have been her keeping her pants on when we were married. Also, our kids have adjusted quite well.


This is the unfortunate part, since she will be a part of your life for years to come. At least you will be able to show her that you can get a better woman in the future.


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## JohnSebastian

Oh workindad, hire a really hot looking escort and parade her around, then make sure the ex sees some pix on Facebook, etc. That'll get her goat!


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## tom67

JohnSebastian said:


> Oh workindad, hire a really hot looking escort and parade her around, then make sure the ex sees some pix on Facebook, etc. That'll get her goat!


I did that at a wedding my ex and I attended.:FIREdevil:
only my sis and bil knew my parents didn't.
You should have seen the looks.


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## ing

workindad said:


> Ing- I hope all is well on your end also. Any recent contact from your WS?


I have posted in Private section the full details, but pretty much the same as you. She wants back in and uses the arguments that I used almost 3 years ago. The "good of the kids" comes up a lot. Makes me want to puke to be honest


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## JohnSebastian

tom67 said:


> I did that at a wedding my ex and I attended.:FIREdevil:
> only my sis and bil knew my parents didn't.
> You should have seen the looks.


Yup, keeping this one in my back pocket in case it doesn't work out. LOL.


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## MattMatt

It says in the Bible: "The love of money is the root of all evil".

And your story is a good example of this.


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## Rottdad42

I'm stuck on 20 years of memories. So much for the word "marriage", I've heard a few of these. Every time I do read one, I get a little "po"d. I mean what happened to us. Do you even care. What your're dealing is just plain "nuts". I would be out, no way no how are we gonna "R", have a nice life. There is no cleaner on the market that clean this mess. If your young enough, go find that girl, that won't do that to you. If I can, you can. Dude never been happier. That's what marriage and life are about, to me, being happy, period.


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## Will_Kane

workindad said:


> Caught her cheating with a younger man working at the YMCA.
> 
> She couldn’t divorce me fast enough and said she would replace me with a better man who could provide the lifestyle she wanted.
> 
> I could never figure out why she was with Y guy as she had such a focus on expensive things.
> 
> As it turns out, Y-guy was OM-2… OM-1 was/is a sugar daddy.
> 
> She says that why she wanted the fast divorce and “gave me such a good settlement” Apparently, her attorney advised her against our deal. She thought that sugar daddy would leave his wife as soon as she was available.


This is what I mean when I say when you have the whole truth, everything will make sense.

When things don't make sense, you know you still have a lie.


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## Baablacksheep

Wow, just wow ! That woman is cold bro ! How do you "plan" a reconciliation ? I guess if she can manage 3 men at once, she probably got his covered too ! \"/


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## warlock07

She gave you a good deal financially and custody-wise for a quick divorce ? Silver lining and all.. 

What does she work as these days ?


How do you plan to expose the OM ? How long was she cheating on him ? When did it finally end ?


How are the kids dealing with this ? Is she still a good, responsible mother ?


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## russell28

Still a good responsible mother? Doesn't sound like she was being the model mom to me... Responsible mothers don't have OMs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad

lordmayhem said:


> Kudos for not falling for this Gold Digger. Did she show any of this Gold Digger attitude before she met OM1?


Yes, she did. She was an extreme snob. I tried to keep up with her wants, but obviously fell short. I've looked back on this and can now clearly see some issues I should have addressed head on. There were points in our marriage that I worked OT or even a second job to pay for things she wanted.

That should have been a powerful clue, but I was trying to make it work. Live an learn.


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## workindad

russell28 said:


> Still a good responsible mother? Doesn't sound like she was being the model mom to me... Responsible mothers don't have OMs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




With some things yes, others hell no. She still would rather spend money on herself than the kids. That bugs the sh!t out of me.


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## workindad

ing said:


> hi. We are pretty much on the same timeline and I remember reading your threads as I was writing mine.
> 
> Nice to see an update. It is interesting how we do recover, we think we won't at the time. Of course as the blinkers come off we see the person we loved for who they are in reality. That is hard but after we have manged to forgive ourselves for being such suckers it becomes easier and easier.
> You sound like you have changed, as I have and that life is moving along nicely.
> 
> Well done man. I know how hard it was to get where you are now.



Will be searching for it today.


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## workindad

JohnSebastian said:


> Oh workindad, hire a really hot looking escort and parade her around, then make sure the ex sees some pix on Facebook, etc. That'll get her goat!



LOL, I'll keep this in mind.


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## workindad

warlock07 said:


> She gave you a good deal financially and custody-wise for a quick divorce ? Silver lining and all..
> 
> *Both, I guess. She agreed right away to what was laid out. I get my boys more than our agreement which is fine with me. We use my address to keep them in the school they want as she moved to another school zone for her latest apartment. I think in the beginning she was so good about custody because she was chasing her sugar daddy. Now it seems to be work related. Her lawyer told her she could consider herself divorced as soon as we reached an agreement although it wasn't official yet. I'm not sure why that mattered since she didn't act like she was married anyway. *
> 
> What does she work as these days ?
> *She has been through a few jobs. Right now she has a secretarial job for the government and she also works in the evenings as a tutor.*
> 
> 
> How do you plan to expose the OM ? How long was she cheating on him ? When did it finally end ?
> 
> *I already called OM's wife and asked for a meeting. She knows me and refused. She said her husband warned her about me and my crazy wife and if I called again she was going to call the police. WTF!* :scratchhead: *I guess I should have tried in person? I'm not sure how long she cheated on sugar daddy and don't really care.*
> 
> 
> How are the kids dealing with this ? Is she still a good, responsible mother ? *The kids recovered and are doing great. There was an adjustment, but they prefer to be with me*:smthumbup:


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## warlock07

Is her OM a public persona ?


Did you not get to say anything to his wife ?


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## workindad

warlock07 said:


> Is her OM a public persona ?
> 
> 
> Did you not get to say anything to his wife ?


Public persona- no- he's not a celebrity or elected official. He runs a business his dad started. I'm not sure what I could do there.

Not much. I told her who I was and that I wanted to speak with her in person about my XW and her husband. She was not receptive at all. Any ideas on how to fix this part? I guess I should have researched a little more how to do a proper exposure- if such a thing exists. 

Keep in mind, I don't have any actual proof other than my XWW's almost 3-year late confession.


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## JohnSebastian

Well, you told the wife. If she doesn't want to hear it, that's her problem.


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## workindad

JohnSebastian said:


> Well, you told the wife. If she doesn't want to hear it, that's her problem.




Actually, she cut me off and didn't let me finish.

My XWW is a very accomplished liar, but I'm thinking there must be something to it or sugar daddy would not have known to tip off his wife in advance. Any ideas how I could relay this to OM's wife?


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## arbitrator

workindad said:


> Actually, she cut me off and didn't let me finish.
> 
> My XWW is a very accomplished liar, but I'm thinking there must be something to it or sugar daddy would not have known to tip off his wife in advance. * Any ideas how I could relay this to OM's wife?*


*
Certified Letter, Return Receipt Request, to the Named Individual Only(OM's Wife), from a P.O. Box much rather than from your home address. It would be about $10.00 of the best money you ever spent in your life as she would either have to sign for it or reject it either one, but more often than not, the recipient will generally go ahead and accept it.

And within the body of your letter to her, please make it abundantly clear that you've become rather concerned about her personal well-being since you just ran across an active-culture gonorrhea test kit there in your wife's bathroom!









Now, that ought to literally get hell-a-poppin' over there!!*


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## jim123

Let it go. Not your problem. Keep moving on and put your efforts into your life.


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## MovingAhead

workindad said:


> One thing I have learned is that life can actually improve quite nicely once you get rid of a toxic person. Happiness post divorce is quite real.
> 
> My wife suffered from a bad case of EPS (entitled princess syndrome).


This is so very very true!


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## Numbersixxx

workindad said:


> Short background
> 
> Had a 2 decade marriage and 2 kids. Wife was a SAHM. Caught her cheating with a younger man working at the YMCA. When confronted she lied her a$$ off then when hit with proof she couldn’t deny- she freaked out and told me it was all my fault.
> 
> She couldn’t divorce me fast enough and said she would replace me with a better man who could provide the lifestyle she wanted. I had purchased a 30K Honda for her. She said she was embarassed to drive it because everyone has one. She wanted a German car. Also, I paid for a membership to the Y, she wanted to join a country club.
> 
> I could never figure out why she was with Y guy as she had such a focus on expensive things. After being divorced and now supporting herself- she has seen the light and wants to get back together with me (can you say no f-ing way in hell).
> 
> This morning- she provided me with a typed timeline and plan for R. –where was this when it hit the fan?
> 
> As it turns out, Y-guy was OM-2… OM-1 was/is a sugar daddy. He’s married with kids. His wife has an Audi and they belong to a country club. XWW and OM-1 were fighting over who was leaving their spouse first. She wanted him to- he wanted her to… Long story short- he dumped her. She was upset and had a fling with Y-guy. That’s what I caught.
> 
> She says that why she wanted the fast divorce and “gave me such a good settlement” Apparently, her attorney advised her against our deal. She thought that sugar daddy would leave his wife as soon as she was available. They did start back up as our divorce was processing, but when it became final, sugar daddy changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife.
> 
> I thanked her for the information, but told her she needed to move on with her life and that I still have no desire to R with her. I do know who sugar daddy is and am contacting his wife. Although I have no proof other than what my XWW says. But at least she will hear about it.


Well I'm sorry... but I hope this serves as a lesson to you for accommodating her sense of entitlement. 

There is nothing more pathetic than a man trying to be a provider for some woman's insaciable materialistic need. Let her earn her own stuff.


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## workindad

Numbersixxx said:


> Well I'm sorry... but I hope this serves as a lesson to you for accommodating her sense of entitlement.
> 
> There is nothing more pathetic than a man trying to be a provider for some woman's insaciable materialistic need. Let her earn her own stuff.




I've learned several lessons along the way. I certainly can't make enough money or buy enough things to keep my XWW happy, nor do I ever want to try that again.


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## workindad

jim123 said:


> Let it go. Not your problem. Keep moving on and put your efforts into your life.




This is the same advice my friend has given me. He says you don't want her back and you've moved on with your life, don't take a step back.

While I understand that logic, it bugs the sh!t out of me that his wife may not know. I definitely would have appreciated the heads up. Also, why I don't have a seething hatred for OM- I don't admire him in any way either and would like to have him held accountable in some way.

Maybe I need to stew on this for a few days.


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## jim123

Post him on cheaterville. He owns a business. 

His wife knows and does not want to deal with it. 

Let people know about this. But keep moving forward. No need to let him or your X run your life anymore.


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## weightlifter

I second cheaterville.
If hes a player people who have their wives un his circle of acquaintances need to know.


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## Anuvia

workindad said:


> Short background
> 
> Had a 2 decade marriage and 2 kids. Wife was a SAHM. Caught her cheating with a younger man working at the YMCA. When confronted she lied her a$$ off then when hit with proof she couldn’t deny- she freaked out and told me it was all my fault.
> 
> She couldn’t divorce me fast enough and said she would replace me with a better man who could provide the lifestyle she wanted. I had purchased a 30K Honda for her. She said she was embarassed to drive it because everyone has one. She wanted a German car. Also, I paid for a membership to the Y, she wanted to join a country club.
> 
> I could never figure out why she was with Y guy as she had such a focus on expensive things. After being divorced and now supporting herself- she has seen the light and wants to get back together with me (can you say no f-ing way in hell).
> 
> This morning- she provided me with a typed timeline and plan for R. –where was this when it hit the fan?
> 
> As it turns out, Y-guy was OM-2… OM-1 was/is a sugar daddy. He’s married with kids. His wife has an Audi and they belong to a country club. XWW and OM-1 were fighting over who was leaving their spouse first. She wanted him to- he wanted her to… Long story short- he dumped her. She was upset and had a fling with Y-guy. That’s what I caught.
> 
> She says that why she wanted the fast divorce and “gave me such a good settlement” Apparently, her attorney advised her against our deal. She thought that sugar daddy would leave his wife as soon as she was available. They did start back up as our divorce was processing, but when it became final, sugar daddy changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife.
> 
> I thanked her for the information, but told her she needed to move on with her life and that I still have no desire to R with her. I do know who sugar daddy is and am contacting his wife. Although I have no proof other than what my XWW says. But at least she will hear about it.


That's pretty brazen on her part. Post her timetable here but redact any identifying information. I'm sure the board could use a good laugh.


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## larry.gray

workindad said:


> This morning- she provided me with a typed timeline and plan for R. –where was this when it hit the fan?


Did you ask for a timeline before, or did she come up with this on her own?

I ask because I wonder where she's getting advice? That's standard fare here.


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## alphaomega

There's kids in the picture that are adjusting well. Forget about cheatervillle in my opinion. Or any other revenge. Just move on. Otherwise, stop dating, because you'll continue to carry this into other relationships until you get past this.


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## Singledude21

I like how she just straight up tells you she's ready for her Plan B option....

Go and get that EXIT sign and put it on your shirt or something. Don't be a Plan B.


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## workindad

larry.gray said:


> Did you ask for a timeline before, or did she come up with this on her own?
> 
> I ask because I wonder where she's getting advice? That's standard fare here.


There was a lot of yelling and bad words said when we blew up. I'm sure I probably asked for an affair timeline, but I never got one. I have suspected at times that she may be reading here or another forum, but then other times I think not. She would be much more likely to read in a forum that supported cheaters.

The timeline she gave me was for R and not consistent with advice I've seen here. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that.

Basically, she has offered 

90-days of MC before she moves back in- at my cost because she can't afford it right now.

Another 2-years of MC after she is back- at her cost this time- how nice.

5-years of no GNO's or other events without me being there.

5-years of her having her cell phone with GPS on it so I can see where she is.

5-years where she continues her day job to replace the money I spent buying her a$$ out. (she wants to quit night tutoring to work on us- how sweet).- she did say she would work longer since we'll have kids in college at the end of 5-years if needed.

She has offered to take a polygraph- at my expense- no time line here.

I'm not sure how she came up with the timetable, aside from the paying me back part. While I would like to have the cash back. I'd rather be broke than have her in my life full time again. I'm just not interested in any form of R with her outside of raising the kids and we seem OK there. I see nothing left to fix for her and myself.

Maybe I should have this moved to the private section, but I don't really care if she does stumble across it.


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## larry.gray

Singledude21 said:


> I like how she just straight up tells you she's ready for her Plan B option....
> 
> Go and get that EXIT sign and put it on your shirt or something. Don't be a Plan B.


Her only possible "save" is to come clean with how she's radically changed. How she's realized how foolish she was, and how wrong she was.

But even then, that would be a hard pill to swallow. It doesn't sound like WD is going to anyway, and I think plenty here understand why.


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## Anuvia

workindad said:


> There was a lot of yelling and bad words said when we blew up. I'm sure I probably asked for an affair timeline, but I never got one. I have suspected at times that she may be reading here or another forum, but then other times I think not. She would be much more likely to read in a forum that supported cheaters.
> 
> The timeline she gave me was for R and not consistent with advice I've seen here. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that.
> 
> Basically, she has offered
> 
> 90-days of MC before she moves back in- at my cost because she can't afford it right now.
> 
> Another 2-years of MC after she is back- at her cost this time- how nice.
> 
> 5-years of no GNO's or other events without me being there.
> 
> 5-years of her having her cell phone with GPS on it so I can see where she is.
> 
> 5-years where she continues her day job to replace the money I spent buying her a$$ out. (she wants to quit night tutoring to work on us- how sweet).- she did say she would work longer since we'll have kids in college at the end of 5-years if needed.
> 
> She has offered to take a polygraph- at my expense- no time line here.
> 
> I'm not sure how she came up with the timetable, aside from the paying me back part. While I would like to have the cash back. I'd rather be broke than have her in my life full time again. I'm just not interested in any form of R with her outside of raising the kids and we seem OK there. I see nothing left to fix for her and myself.
> 
> Maybe I should have this moved to the private section, but I don't really care if she does stumble across it.


Man tell that whack job of an ex wife to kick rocks. Thank God she's no longer your problem.


----------



## workindad

larry.gray said:


> Her only possible "save" is to come clean with how she's radically changed. How she's realized how foolish she was, and how wrong she was.
> 
> But even then, that would be a hard pill to swallow. It doesn't sound like WD is going to anyway, and I think plenty here understand why.


LG- that might have worked when we blew up. But that ship sailed. Something Ing wrote in his thread on the private section hit home and describes it well for me. Not an exact quote below- more my take on what he said.

Basically, our old family is gone. So is the schmuck who used to chase extra dollars when she cried about not being able to have nice things or so and so having better vacations or a nicer car.

There is no going back for us at this point. Thankfully, my life is actually better now. The struggle I have now is that she's also playing the kids. She told them she's working to get us back together as a family.


----------



## WyshIknew

workindad said:


> LG- that might have worked when we blew up. But that ship sailed. Something Ing wrote in his thread on the private section hit home and describes it well for me. Not an exact quote below- more my take on what he said.
> 
> Basically, our old family is gone. So is the schmuck who used to chase extra dollars when she cried about not being able to have nice things or so and so having better vacations or a nicer car.
> 
> There is no going back for us at this point. Thankfully, my life is actually better now. The struggle I have now is that she's also playing the kids. She told them she's working to get us back together as a family.


That's pretty low. SMH


----------



## larry.gray

workindad said:


> There was a lot of yelling and bad words said when we blew up. I'm sure I probably asked for an affair timeline, but I never got one. I have suspected at times that she may be reading here or another forum, but then other times I think not. She would be much more likely to read in a forum that supported cheaters. The timeline she gave me was for R and not consistent with advice I've seen here. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that.


This is a great website, isn't it? Too bad so many are likely to stumble on the bad ones.



workindad said:


> Basically, she has offered
> 
> 90-days of MC before she moves back in- at my cost because she can't afford it right now.
> 
> Another 2-years of MC after she is back- at her cost this time- how nice.


The problem with a time-frame on this is that people don't necessarily get 'fixed' on a fixed time frame.

Plus it sounds like she needs a lot more IC than MC.



workindad said:


> 5-years of no GNO's or other events without me being there.


Again, a time-frame is a problem. No GNO, ever, for a WS. That's gone forever and her thinking otherwise only shows she still doesn't get it and you're making the right choice.



workindad said:


> 5-years of her having her cell phone with GPS on it so I can see where she is.


Yeah, more of the time-frame issue. It quits when the BS says it does. This is more of her dictating the terms to you, not the other way around.



workindad said:


> 5-years where she continues her day job to replace the money I spent buying her a$$ out. (she wants to quit night tutoring to work on us- how sweet).- she did say she would work longer since we'll have kids in college at the end of 5-years if needed.


Any addressing the spending side of things? As I alluded already, her only chance should involve a radical re-evaluation of her life priorities.



workindad said:


> I'm not sure how she came up with the timetable, aside from the paying me back part. While I would like to have the cash back. I'd rather be broke than have her in my life full time again. I'm just not interested in any form of R with her outside of raising the kids and we seem OK there. I see nothing left to fix for her and myself.


She's got plenty to fix, but then that's not your concern, is it?



workindad said:


> Maybe I should have this moved to the private section, but I don't really care if she does stumble across it.


Good. As many have said on this forum, indifference is the opposite of love. You're getting there.


----------



## Stronger-now

workindad said:


> Yes, she did. She was an extreme snob. I tried to keep up with her wants, but obviously fell short. I've looked back on this and can now clearly see some issues I should have addressed head on. There were points in our marriage that I worked OT or even a second job to pay for things she wanted.
> 
> That should have been a powerful clue, but I was trying to make it work. Live an learn.


Your ex makes me embarrassed that we share the same gender. You are a decent person. Scratch that, you will make a great partner to a deserving woman. 

Thank your lucky star that she cheated and you found out what she is really like. Otherwise, you would work yourself to death to keep up with her demands.


----------



## workindad

Stronger-now said:


> Your ex makes me embarrassed that we share the same gender. You are a decent person. Scratch that, you will make a great partner to a deserving woman.


Thanks for the kind words. I believe that being a selfish jerk has nothing to do with gender. That gives me hope that I will find a good woman. 

I've read enough stories on TAM to know that good women do exists. Just like jerk-wad men do.


----------



## Stronger-now

workindad said:


> Thanks for the kind words. I believe that being a selfish jerk has nothing to do with gender. That gives me hope that I will find a good woman.
> 
> I've read enough stories on TAM to know that good women do exists. Just like jerk-wad men do.


You have done all the right thing to reach acceptance and moving on. Good luck! Good things will happen to good people.


----------



## manticore

I don't remember giving so many likes to the same user in one day, man, how would I like that every case of users who arrives here ends like yours (except for the very very few cases where reconcilation is worth the shot, but we are talking of less that 1%)

free from the toxic influence of their XWS, rebuilding their lives, image and confidence, dating again, looking for a brighter future, aware of how their life really was with thier XWS and not wanting nothing with them now that they can look them objectively.

anyway, it seems for the imposing conditions for R that she was suggesting that your XW was sure that you will take her back



workindad said:


> The timeline she gave me was for R and not consistent with advice I've seen here. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that.
> 
> Basically, she has offered
> 
> 90-days of MC before she moves back in- at my cost because she can't afford it right now.
> 
> Another 2-years of MC after she is back- at her cost this time- how nice.
> 
> 5-years of no GNO's or other events without me being there.
> 
> 5-years of her having her cell phone with GPS on it so I can see where she is.
> 
> 5-years where she continues her day job to replace the money I spent buying her a$$ out. (she wants to quit night tutoring to work on us- how sweet).- she did say she would work longer since we'll have kids in college at the end of 5-years if needed.
> 
> She has offered to take a polygraph- at my expense- no time line here.


I mean, she determining the time and sure that you will have no problems paying for all the procedures.

how was her reaction when you rejected her proposal?, I guess she didn't see it coming, I am imagining something like she opening her eyes in disbelief as, "what? are you rejecting me?":rofl:.

about the OM, yes an option is cheaterville, and you can send anonymously the link to OM's friends and customers, that will give him a good hit for messing with married women.


----------



## manticore

you know, the sad thing here is that it seems that she keep looking at you for the financial support you could give her.

but now that she is out there single and getting old one day she will really miss the man that worked so hard to keep her happy and loved her that much that he didn't mind to have two Jobs to please her, and the day will come when she will do anything to have the man and not the things he bought for her, but that is also her hard sh*t to swallow.

I am courious, what her family say about all her lunacy about you not meeting her finacial expectations, and she cheating and wanting a divorce without secong thought?.

were they enablers that make her think that she deserved the world and keep feeding her delusions? or she was actually born selfish and selfcentered and the family was against her actions?


----------



## Philat

workindad said:


> There was a lot of yelling and bad words said when we blew up. I'm sure I probably asked for an affair timeline, but I never got one. I have suspected at times that she may be reading here or another forum, but then other times I think not. She would be much more likely to read in a forum that supported cheaters.
> 
> The timeline she gave me was for R and not consistent with advice I've seen here. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that.
> 
> Basically, she has offered
> 
> 90-days of MC before she moves back in- at my cost because she can't afford it right now.
> 
> Another 2-years of MC after she is back- at her cost this time- how nice.
> 
> *5-years of no GNO's or other events without me being there.
> 
> 5-years of her having her cell phone with GPS on it so I can see where she is.
> 
> 5-years where she continues her day job to replace the money I spent buying her a$$ out. (she wants to quit night tutoring to work on us- how sweet).- she did say she would work longer since we'll have kids in college at the end of 5-years if needed.*
> 
> She has offered to take a polygraph- at my expense- no time line here.
> 
> I'm not sure how she came up with the timetable, aside from the paying me back part. While I would like to have the cash back. I'd rather be broke than have her in my life full time again. I'm just not interested in any form of R with her outside of raising the kids and we seem OK there. I see nothing left to fix for her and myself.
> 
> Maybe I should have this moved to the private section, but I don't really care if she does stumble across it.


I know it doesn't matter b/c you were smart enough to toss this in the trash bin, but what's up with the 5 years?? How about "as long as you need me to, workindad?"


----------



## nuclearnightmare

workindad said:


> Actually, I never posted my whole story at the get go. I have posted parts here and there when relevant on other threads.
> 
> Our path, divorce, was set from the get go. I was pissed and frustrated, but I knew enough to not fight for limbo while she was boning another guy and showing no remorse or respect for me at all.
> 
> Seems odd in some ways that she wants "us" again as she calls it. She couldn't wait to be rid of me until the money ran out and sugar daddy ran for the hills. I may not be the swiftest deer in the forest, but I'm not that dumb.
> 
> She plays the "best interest" of our kids card a lot. I can't see it. The best interest of our kids would have been her keeping her pants on when we were married. Also, our kids have adjusted quite well.
> 
> Looking back, I can't believe I put up with her crap for as long as I did. That was a bad example to set for our kids.


Work in dad

How many kids? How old? Have custody and how do they feel a out her?


----------



## Headspin

workindad said:


> _Looking back, I can't believe I put up with her crap for as long as I did._ That was a bad example to set for our kids.


God how many if us have said that in the aftermath


----------



## theroad

workindad said:


> Short background
> 
> Had a 2 decade marriage and 2 kids. Wife was a SAHM. Caught her cheating with a younger man working at the YMCA. When confronted she lied her a$$ off then when hit with proof she couldn’t deny- she freaked out and told me it was all my fault.
> 
> She couldn’t divorce me fast enough and said she would replace me with a better man who could provide the lifestyle she wanted. I had purchased a 30K Honda for her. She said she was embarassed to drive it because everyone has one. She wanted a German car. Also, I paid for a membership to the Y, she wanted to join a country club.
> 
> I could never figure out why she was with Y guy as she had such a focus on expensive things. After being divorced and now supporting herself- she has seen the light and wants to get back together with me (can you say no f-ing way in hell).
> 
> This morning- she provided me with a typed timeline and plan for R. –where was this when it hit the fan?
> 
> As it turns out, Y-guy was OM-2… OM-1 was/is a sugar daddy. He’s married with kids. His wife has an Audi and they belong to a country club. XWW and OM-1 were fighting over who was leaving their spouse first. She wanted him to- he wanted her to… Long story short- he dumped her. She was upset and had a fling with Y-guy. That’s what I caught.
> 
> She says that why she wanted the fast divorce and “gave me such a good settlement” Apparently, her attorney advised her against our deal. She thought that sugar daddy would leave his wife as soon as she was available. They did start back up as our divorce was processing, but when it became final, sugar daddy changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife.
> 
> I thanked her for the information, but told her she needed to move on with her life and that I still have no desire to R with her. I do know who sugar daddy is and am contacting his wife. Although I have no proof other than what my XWW says. But at least she will hear about it.


Yes to telling the OMW.

How did WW come up with the plan to give you a timeline? WW's do not voluntary offer timelines.


----------



## workindad

manticore said:


> how was her reaction when you rejected her proposal?, I guess she didn't see it coming, I am imagining something like she opening her eyes in disbelief as, "what? are you rejecting me?":rofl:.


She said she wasn't giving up. She and I have been around this mull berry bush before. She has already done the crying, and yelling parts. I'm not sure what else is left.


----------



## workindad

manticore said:


> I am courious, what her family say about all her lunacy about you not meeting her finacial expectations, and she cheating and wanting a divorce without secong thought?.*Her dad did warn me years ago that I was spoiling her. I laughed it off. It may seem like she was born with a silver spoon, but that is not the case. Her family was better off than mine growing up, but no country club life style or european cars. Her family was disappointed in her and supportive of me, but they have become distant as time has moved forward.*
> 
> were they enablers that make her think that she deserved the world and keep feeding her delusions? *She had a group of women she hung around with that I believe were toxic. Although they don't think highly of me either. From what I'm told the group has broken up for the most part over the last year or so. And for complete disclosure, my responding to her wants probably enabled her bullsh!t as well. I really thought at the time that I was doing the right thing trying to provide what she wanted to be happy.*or she was actually born selfish and selfcentered and the family was against her actions?


----------



## aug

workindad said:


> There is no going back for us at this point. Thankfully, my life is actually better now. *The struggle I have now is that she's also playing the kids. She told them she's working to get us back together as a family.*



Hopefully you had gave the kids some indication why your wife left and you divorced. 

Keep the original of her timeline.

You can use that as further evidence for your kids (later?) why you divorced her, why her behavior should not be tolerated, what they should look out for when they are dating, etc.


----------



## lifeistooshort

workindad said:


> She said she wasn't giving up. She and I have been around this mull berry bush before. She has already done the crying, and yelling parts. I'm not sure what else is left.



She'll give up if she can find someone else to support her, but until then she'll keep pestering you. How appealing is she to a man with lots of means and thus lots of options?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## workindad

nuclearnightmare said:


> Work in dad
> 
> How many kids? How old? Have custody and how do they feel a out her?


We have 2 kids. Boys, both in their teens and accepting/recovering well. We have had to deal with issues when she gets busted in lies after swearing one thing that is later recanted or proven to be crap. 

They have a trust issue with their mother and I have had to intervene when they have lashed out at her. 

The boys do spend more time with me than they do her. They have their own rooms with me and the it is easier to get them to school from my place.


----------



## workindad

theroad said:


> How did WW come up with the plan to give you a timeline? WW's do not voluntary offer timelines.


I'm not sure how she came up with the idea. It is her "master plan" to get the family back together. She's not that creative, so I'm guessing she got the idea from someone else.


----------



## workindad

aug said:


> Hopefully you had gave the kids some indication why your wife left and you divorced.
> 
> Keep the original of her timeline.
> 
> You can use that as further evidence for your kids (later?) why you divorced her, why her behavior should not be tolerated, what they should look out for when they are dating, etc.


My boys know why we divorced. That came out in the wash and we have had some heart to heart talks about it.


----------



## workindad

lifeistooshort said:


> She'll give up if she can find someone else to support her, but until then she'll keep pestering you. How appealing is she to a man with lots of means and thus lots of options?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's mid forties and still has her figure. I wouldn't mistake her age for a younger woman, but she is OK look wise for a woman of her age.

I would imagine a man with lots of options could certainly do better, but hell I fell for it. Anything is possible I suppose.

I expect her to go away as soon as any other option presents to her.


----------



## alphaomega

I dont know, dad...

I'm all for reconciliation....but at what cost?

Personally, I think you are on the right track. Not for revenge, but for sanity....

Reminds me of my brother....he left my sis in law and 2 nieces in the lurch. He wanted to party...was sick of paying bills. Wanted to live the lifestyle! So....one day he left...literally. Took off. No one heard from him in 5 years.

Apparently....he was drinking and doing coke till the cows came home. Living the lifestyle of cheap drunk and expensive drugs.b and cheap, easy women....

Well...each to thier own. None of my family heard from him either. I was more than upset for his girls....Thought my brother as an a zzhole. 

Well.....I'm not one to believe in karma...think it's a load of crap....

But, about a year after the absent divorce was finalized, as started by my sis in law....her grandfather passed away. 

Apparently....he bought 1500 shares of some oil company back in the early 70's. One block for each of his grand kids . 

Turns out, my sis in law is now worth 17 million. And my nieces are doing ok. 

It's been about 8 years....and my bro is still absent. He could be dead....who knows. But a part of me thinks he may have regretted leaving the marriage so suddenly instead of working things out.

Especially after that 17 million payout in the will....


----------



## alphaomega

Hmmm....I wish my grandpa bought me 1500 shares of some oil company back in the 70s.....

Then I could live the lifestyle of cheap drunk....expensive drugs, and cheap women!

Of course.....I'd probably be dead after a few months of that.....


----------



## Thor

If OMW doesn't want contact, I would just forget about telling her for now. The seed has been planted in her mind. She may start to see some suspicious activity on her H's part and then do some digging on her own.

I wouldn't push contact with her now.


----------



## Dyokemm

Tell your WW if she wants you to even spend time contemplating R that she has to write a full letter of apology to POS's BW and deliver it to her with verification.

Not that you have to do R but it would help with holding scumbag accountable for his role in destroying your family's lives.


----------



## warlock07

workindad said:


> I'm not sure how she came up with the idea. It is her "master plan" to get the family back together. She's not that creative, so I'm guessing she got the idea from someone else.


I think she got herself a good counselor. All things considered, to come clean about everything on her own is a good thing. It gave you enough information to make the final decision. 

Atleast you can respect her enough to co-parent with her.


----------



## Thorburn

Coming up with the timeline is one good move on her part. I think for many folks on TAM they envy you with getting some or most of the information.

I would just model good common sense civility to your ex so that the children see it. Your actions of dating other women will send the signal to them that you are not planning on taking mom in as a charity case.


----------



## SadandAngry

Dyokemm said:


> Tell your WW if she wants you to even spend time contemplating R that she has to write a full letter of apology to POS's BW and deliver it to her with verification.
> 
> Not that you have to do R but it would help with holding scumbag accountable for his role in destroying your family's lives.


Ah that would be...... so many different things all at the same time! I suppose if you ever get totally fed up and pissed off at her, plant that seed in her head, then if she does it, laugh at her pathos. That should break her.


----------



## workindad

Just as an update-

The kids are doing great, and stay with me more than we agreed. My XWW has pretty much given up on any type of R with me. I have a new GF and let her and the kids know that I am considering moving her in with me. My kids like the idea and so do I.

I did find out that XWW was also sniffing around sugar daddy again when she was also trying to get me to R with her. Thankfully I didn't fall for her BS again and she is not my problem. Par for the course with her I guess.

I did not cheaterville POSOM as POSOM's wife made it clear that she would do the same to my wife. I did not want to expose my kids to that possibility. They have been through enough and are moving forward very well.

All is as well as it can be given the circumstances. New GF talks about marriage, but we have both been down that road before and I made it clear that I am wary of that option. 

For any struggling WS out there. I know how tough your struggles are but life really can improve. There is hope. Sometimes it comes in different forms, but you can rebuild and find happiness.

Best 
WD


----------



## harrybrown

Glad to hear that things are better.

Hope you do find some peace and happiness as time goes forward.

Good work on your part with the ex WW.

If she ever comes back, ask her for a timeline of her A's.

That should keep her busy.


----------



## Wolfman1968

alphaomega said:


> Hmmm....I wish my grandpa bought me 1500 shares of some oil company back in the 70s.....
> 
> Then I could live the lifestyle of cheap drunk....expensive drugs, and cheap women!
> 
> Of course.....I'd probably be dead after a few months of that.....


I'm sure Workindad's ex-wife would find you a fascinating and captivating person had you been the recipient of such a windfall.


----------



## Wolfman1968

workindad said:


> Just as an update-
> 
> The kids are doing great, and stay with me more than we agreed. My XWW has pretty much given up on any type of R with me. I have a new GF and let her and the kids know that I am considering moving her in with me. My kids like the idea and so do I.
> 
> I did find out that XWW was also sniffing around sugar daddy again when she was also trying to get me to R with her. Thankfully I didn't fall for her BS again and she is not my problem. Par for the course with her I guess.
> 
> *I did not cheaterville POSOM as POSOM's wife made it clear that she would do the same to my wife. * I did not want to expose my kids to that possibility. They have been through enough and are moving forward very well.
> 
> All is as well as it can be given the circumstances. New GF talks about marriage, but we have both been down that road before and I made it clear that I am wary of that option.
> 
> For any struggling WS out there. I know how tough your struggles are but life really can improve. There is hope. Sometimes it comes in different forms, but you can rebuild and find happiness.
> 
> Best
> WD


Hmm..that sounds to me like she is well aware of her husband's affairs and just chooses to look the other way.


----------



## workindad

Wolfman1968 said:


> Hmm..that sounds to me like she is well aware of her husband's affairs and just chooses to look the other way.


I agree. You can only stick your head in the sand for so long. sooner or later you have to come up for air.


----------



## lordmayhem

workindad said:


> Just as an update-
> 
> The kids are doing great, and stay with me more than we agreed. My XWW has pretty much given up on any type of R with me. I have a new GF and let her and the kids know that I am considering moving her in with me. My kids like the idea and so do I.
> 
> I did find out that XWW was also sniffing around sugar daddy again when she was also trying to get me to R with her. Thankfully I didn't fall for her BS again and she is not my problem. Par for the course with her I guess.
> 
> I did not cheaterville POSOM as POSOM's wife made it clear that she would do the same to my wife. I did not want to expose my kids to that possibility. They have been through enough and are moving forward very well.
> 
> All is as well as it can be given the circumstances. New GF talks about marriage, but we have both been down that road before and I made it clear that I am wary of that option.
> 
> For any struggling WS out there. I know how tough your struggles are but life really can improve. There is hope. Sometimes it comes in different forms, but you can rebuild and find happiness.
> 
> Best
> WD


It's always great to see a strong BS with a success story. Not every success story ends in R, but the BS rebuilding their lives. Its all part of coping with infidelity. 

Its refreshing compared the crop of new BSs coming in lately. 

:allhail:


----------



## VFW

Thank you for posting your story, as it is good information for those going through similar situation. The bad thing is that this really has nothing to do with you or even the other man, this is all about her. The one thing I do want you to consider is that in the future, do not put your partner on a pedestal. This puts the other person in a superior position to you. It almost sounds like a child parent relationship, where she is like a spoiled child. Her solutions is to impose punishment upon herself (ground herself for 5 yrs). If Sugar had been available she would be like the old south, Gone With the Wind! Marriages work better when it is based on equals working together. Take your time, consider premarital counseling when you get to this point in the future, with either current GF or another.


----------



## Yeswecan

I would say that money does not buy you happiness. Your XWW soon figured that. Stay the course Workindad. Being viewed as nothing but finance and logistics is demeaning. It is shameful your XWW is playing the getting back together card with the kids. She is orchestrating yet another let down in their lives. Stand firm R is not a option and suggesting to the kids on her part is another web of devious behavior. 

When you do find another that loves and respects you purchase her a Audi and join a club. &#55357;&#56842; Vindictive but fun!

God Bless.


----------



## convert

Yeswecan said:


> I would say that money does not buy you happiness. Your XWW soon figured that. Stay the course Workindad. Being viewed as nothing but finance and logistics is demeaning. It is shameful your XWW is playing the getting back together card with the kids. She is orchestrating yet another let down in their lives. Stand firm R is not a option and suggesting to the kids on her part is another web of devious behavior.
> 
> *When you do find another that loves and respects you purchase her a Audi and join a club. �*� Vindictive but fun!
> 
> God Bless.


I like the bold part very much.

Vindictive???.......maybe just a little


----------



## Hicks

Don't let your GF move in. That's not a good example for your children. Plus if your new relationship dies, this hurts your children who are exposed to more relationship drama in their lives.


----------



## MattMatt

Hicks said:


> Don't let your GF move in. That's not a good example for your children. Plus if your new relationship dies, this hurts your children who are exposed to more relationship drama in their lives.


"Will nobody think of the children?" Huh?

OP, talk it over with your children and your GF and then make your decision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## workindad

VFW said:


> Thank you for posting your story, as it is good information for those going through similar situation. The bad thing is that this really has nothing to do with you or even the other man, this is all about her. The one thing I do want you to consider is that in the future, do not put your partner on a pedestal. This puts the other person in a superior position to you. It almost sounds like a child parent relationship, where she is like a spoiled child. Her solutions is to impose punishment upon herself (ground herself for 5 yrs). If Sugar had been available she would be like the old south, Gone With the Wind! Marriages work better when it is based on equals working together. Take your time, consider premarital counseling when you get to this point in the future, with either current GF or another.


A very sound post from my perspective and a lesson learned the hard way.


----------



## workindad

MattMatt said:


> "Will nobody think of the children?" Huh?
> 
> OP, talk it over with your children and your GF and then make your decision.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks Matt- my kids are actually very supportive of the idea. They both like the new GF


----------



## workindad

Hicks said:


> Don't let your GF move in. That's not a good example for your children. Plus if your new relationship dies, this hurts your children who are exposed to more relationship drama in their lives.



I will admit this has been on my mind, but if I married new GF and that didn't work out... I'd have the same result.

I'm not sure if marriage is in my future again or not, but I do want to explore something more with GF and so does she.


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## imjustwatching

WD you said the boys spend more time with you. That mean you don't pay child support right ?
if no would you consider changing it since you said she's paying money for her rather then the kids ?


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## LongWalk

Must be hard on your sons to have to think of their mom in such a negative light. Her character failing seems so biologically driven: the search for a more alpha male who could deliver more meat and shell necklaces. Your were reliable and boring, until she had to spend her evenings tutoring.

Although fixing her is not your job, did you ever tell her that she would have had a chance at R if she had been more forthright and humble immediately after she was busted?


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## workindad

imjustwatching said:


> WD you said the boys spend more time with you. That mean you don't pay child support right ?
> if no would you consider changing it since you said she's paying money for her rather then the kids ?


My boys do spend more time with me. that happens for several reasons. They have their own room with me, it is easier to get them to their school from my place, and their friends live closer to me. Child support is not a factor in this decision for me.

She still has a preference to spend money on herself rather than the boys, but I'm not sure that enters into consideration for child support payments. Maybe it does in some cases, but I'm not a lawyer.


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## workindad

LongWalk said:


> Must be hard on your sons to have to think of their mom in such a negative light. Her character failing seems so biologically driven: the search for a more alpha male who could deliver more meat and shell necklaces. Your were reliable and boring, until she had to spend her evenings tutoring.
> 
> Although fixing her is not your job, did you ever tell her that she would have had a chance at R if she had been more forthright and humble immediately after she was busted?


LW- I have intervened many times with my children on their mother's behalf. She is still their mom and I do not want them to view her in bad light. Although it has happened and XWW has done it to herself. However, she has been better with the boys lately. I'm trying to give credit where it is due.

I'm not sure if I told her she would have had a shot under different circumstances. When we blew up, it was ugly. 

I'm not sure if we would have been able to R or not. Some times I feel like that option was never available to me to really consider until it was way too late. 

What else can you do when a WS tells you it's your fault and she is going o replace you with a better man? Divorce was the only way forward I could see.


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## Dogbert

workindad said:


> LW- I have intervened many times with my children on their mother's behalf. She is still their mom and I do not want them to view her in bad light. Although it has happened and XWW has done it to herself. However, she has been better with the boys lately. I'm trying to give credit where it is due.


Future cheaters often had a cheating parent.


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## MattMatt

Do not be too keen to stop the boys from venting about their POSM. 

The reason I say this is because it might tend to negate the bad stuff she did to them as well as you (remember, she cheated on them, too) and if you are too nice about her they might learn that cheating lying and stealing are perfectly OK.

Your wife desires a consequence free life. Don't give her one and let the boys see that actions do have consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix

workindad said:


> LW- I have intervened many times with my children on their mother's behalf. She is still their mom and I do not want them to view her in bad light.


Actually Workindad you won't be able to whitewash their mother's activities. The kids are not stupid and will see what ultimately is going on. Here's the thing dawg; when you hear someone say, "she's still their mother", you know your dealing with a mother that's coming up short as a role model for her children.
Personally I'm glad you decided not to post the other man on cheatersville albeit you were blackmailed into not doing it. If you, or anyone else, post someone on cheatersville, it should be the one who betrayed you and offered up the goodies to someone else. I know you were thinking about the damage to your kids if your ex old lady was published. But he may have kids to and his wife may have been thinking about them.


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## workindad

MattMatt said:


> Do not be too keen to stop the boys from venting about their POSM.
> 
> The reason I say this is because it might tend to negate the bad stuff she did to them as well as you (remember, she cheated on them, too) and if you are too nice about her they might learn that cheating lying and stealing are perfectly OK.
> 
> Your wife desires a consequence free life. Don't give her one and let the boys see that actions do have consequences.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Matt- this is something I haven't really given the due consideration it deserves. Thanks.
WD


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## workindad

ThePheonix said:


> Actually Workindad you won't be able to whitewash their mother's activities. The kids are not stupid and will see what ultimately is going on. Here's the thing dawg; when you hear someone say, "she's still their mother", you know your dealing with a mother that's coming up short as a role model for her children.
> Personally I'm glad you decided not to post the other man on cheatersville albeit you were blackmailed into not doing it. If you, or anyone else, post someone on cheatersville, it should be the one who betrayed you and offered up the goodies to someone else. I know you were thinking about the damage to your kids if your ex old lady was published. But he may have kids to and his wife may have been thinking about them.


Sugar daddy does have kids, you are correct. If that is his wife's only motive, I can't say for certain. 

My XWW has certainly come up short as a parent. I can't and won't argue that.


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## happyman64

workindad said:


> Sugar daddy does have kids, you are correct. If that is his wife's only motive, I can't say for certain.
> 
> My XWW has certainly come up short as a parent. I can't and won't argue that.


I know this is a few months old but IMO your wife has come up short as an adult.

That makes her unfit to be a good spouse and/or a good mother.

She deserves to be living the life she chose to live. For her it is just one of the consequences for her bad decisions.

How is your GF working out for you?


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## workindad

happyman64 said:


> How is your GF working out for you?


Exceptionally well. We have a mutual respect for one another and our relationship. This is a refreshing change. She actually does things for me and is considerate of my feelings and is super with the kids. 

She even has a job and pays for some stuff. 

Thanks for asking.


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## happyman64

Good for you and good for your GF.

Isn't nice being in a relationship with an adult that respects you and the relationship that you both participate in......

The fact she loves your kids and they her is a bonus!


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## Doyle

For once an optimistic end where a good guy gets the good stuff .
Good luck to you and the boys mate hope it all works with the new girlfriend.
Hope the ex goes grey and wrinkly.


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## workindad

Just another quick update

I got engaged this past weekend... wasn't sure I'd ever head back down this path again. It's nice to do so with a better "soul" this time around and some lessons learned. 

To anyone struggling with the betrayal of infidelity, life really can get better- even when it seems impossible. Hang in there.

All the best
WD


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## Sports Fan

Working it is amazing how reality hits when they are dumped and lonley. I guess the European Car and the nice pickett fence never eventuated for your Gold Digging ex.

Keep well my friend sounds like you are doing just fine without her.


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## Doyle

Nice ne mate.

How is the ex taking it.


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## G.J.

workindad said:


> Just another quick update
> 
> I got engaged this past weekend... wasn't sure I'd ever head back down this path again. It's nice to do so with a better "soul" this time around and some lessons learned.
> 
> To anyone struggling with the betrayal of infidelity, life really can get better- even when it seems impossible. Hang in there.
> 
> All the best
> WD


Sorry had to quote it..love good news on this forum :toast::yay:


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## workindad

Sports Fan said:


> Working it is amazing how reality hits when they are dumped and lonley. I guess the European Car and the nice pickett fence never eventuated for your Gold Digging ex.
> 
> Keep well my friend sounds like you are doing just fine without her.


Thanks... her fancy car hasn't materialized yet. But who knows, maybe someday. All I know is that I won't be paying for it.


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## workindad

Doyle said:


> Nice ne mate.
> 
> How is the ex taking it.




I think she has accepted it. I haven't heard anything either way from her on the topic.

Thanks
Best
WD


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## GusPolinski

Congrats!

Pre-nup!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Doyle

Gus you old romantic.


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