# Dry spells



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Well, dry-ish. They still suck, though.

So my wife and I have been going about 4-6 times a month for the last year+, which is not ideal for me, but it's okay. I've actually accepted it. It's not a verbal compromise on our part, it's just fallen into that, and honestly, it's been fine by me. We each have individual things to keep us busy, and we're on different work schedules (not day-night or anything, but off by 3 or so hours), so the frequency is liveable.

The quality has always been very good to great, as well, as it always has been.

However, over this past month both have taken a bit of a nose-dive, and no, I'm not concerned (yet), but I'm getting there, and I think I need to be talked off the ledge. 

So - nothing this past weekend, or for the past 8 days. Last week was a bit of a disaster, which was nobody's fault, but still. I was unbelievably tired, had numerous aches and pains (I play a lot of sports) and it was HOT. Credit to my wife, who initiated, but marks lost for her not reading my physical state. I would have been perfectly fine if she picked up the slack and did the bulk of the "work" but it didn't work out that way. So SHE had a good time... 

The week before that, no PIV (which is fine). She was the tired and banged up one, so we fooled around, she used her vibrator, etc. It was fine. Not exactly intimate, and not a tremendous effort level from her, but I'll take what I can get.

I think that I was a little po'd 8 days ago because *I* was the one not physically up to a lot of work yet I still ended up doing it anyway, whereas the week before she was the one in the same boat and she got away with it. 

The week before that (20-ish days ago, now) we actually had some pretty ridiculous monkey sex. Probably the best we've had in months. So maybe that was enough to keep her going these past few weeks... 

And the week before THAT was fairly unremarkable.

So, in the last calendar month (30+ days), we've had PIV 3 times. Once forgettable, once really really good, and once a total disaster (for me), and one session of fooling around (which was heavily weighed in her favour). I'm not complaining, I'm really not. It could be worse. I'm used to shorter periods like this, where she's just not into it, but I could go back about 6 weeks now where there's been only the one session that we were both into it. And really, that was the only time SHE was into it. The other sessions weren't exactly duty sex, but they might as well have been. I don't want to say "one-sided", but definitely more about her then me.

Here's the thing - I haven't said boo to her, and I likely won't. I've been down that road SO many times before, and I'm just tired of it. The "talk". The reminders that I exist and to please put a bit more effort into it, etc. I've also, in the last year or so, more or less stopped trying to initiate sex, or at least being extremely choosy about when I do. I haven't stopped doing everything else (non-sexual intimacy, helping out, doing my part, verbal, etc.) I just don't try and have sex anymore, unless she's given me one of her extremely-difficult-to-pick-up-on cues. The problem with that is that they pop up in a "now or never" fashion, so if I don't take that cue right then and there, it ain't happening. Case in point last week - I wasn't even thinking sex. But I knew damn well that if I didn't take the cue and go with it, who knows how long until the next chance. And, even worse, if I don't take these cues when they arise, I know damn well she'll take it personally and/or use it against me should I ever bring up our sex life again (ie. "I tried to initiate on this day!!!")


aaargh.


----------



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Always so depressing to hear people who are upset at 4-6 times a month when you are at almost a year. Just reminds one of how infrequent is a whole lot different to non-existent dang !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

KendalMintcake said:


> Always so depressing to hear people who are upset at 4-6 times a month when you are at almost a year. Just reminds one of how infrequent is a whole lot different to non-existent dang !
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE
> 
> True, my husband is happy having sex twice a month so alexm I think your sex life sounds good. I wouldn't be concerned if I were you. I would be quite content at 4-6 times a month.


----------



## Happy_tex (Dec 21, 2014)

I don't get 4-6 times a year. Don't complain about it.


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Having sex with your partner 4x a year is perfectly OK if you are BOTH happy with it.

The problems start arising if one is happy with 4x a year but the other wants it 4x a month!


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't your wife previously have an affair on you?

If this was the case perhaps it is time to start discreetly monitoring?


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Sports Fan said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't your wife previously have an affair on you?
> 
> If this was the case perhaps it is time to start discreetly monitoring?


Nope, not me. (that I know of!)


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Let me be polite here:

I am sorry that some of you have less sex than I do. That sucks, and I feel for you.

That does not diminish mine, or anybody else's issues or problems, nor does it make me suddenly realize that everything is puppies and rainbows.

Other people always have it worse. There are people who have it worse than some of you guys and girls in almost completely sexless marriages.

Please do not pop up in threads in which somebody else has posted their thoughts/questions/rants/vents and state that you have it worse, so the poster shouldn't be complaining. It serves no purpose whatsoever.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

yes, it's all relative. If you are used to having sex 3-4 times a week and it dwindles to 3-4 times a month, it tells you something is off.

if you are used to 2-3 times a year, that's a completely different problem with different issues. A whole different bowl of wax.

it's like saying that I'm use to making 150K every year and this year I only made 75K. then people tell me I should be happy making 75K. Well, there's a lot of truth to that, except that I have a $7,500/month mortage. How am I going to keep up with the payments? It's a problem. I can move to a smaller house. But that doesn't make it not a problem.

btw, I've been on both sides of the fence (sexless marriage and HD wife), so I get both sides.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> yes, it's all relative. If you are used to having sex 3-4 times a week and it dwindles to 3-4 times a month, it tells you something is off.
> 
> if you are used to 2-3 times a year, that's a completely different problem with different issues. A whole different bowl of wax.
> 
> ...


If you have a $7,500/month mortgage and $150k income, you've got some pretty serious financial problems.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Finally had some great sex the other day - wife was very receptive and gung-ho and very into it. Had been about 2 1/2 weeks since our last real session. Hot and sweaty, the whole 9 yards.

The next day, we both were very loving and caring and generally into each other all day, so I thought things were headed that way naturally. Nope, I thought wrong. I got the "awww.. we just had sex yesterday!" line. All whiny-like, too. :slap:

So I didn't b***h out, and instead just cuddled her in bed for a while, but still left feeling frustrated. Not due to the lack of sex, but more her response. I freakin' hate that garbage. When she says stuff like that, it makes me feel worthless, or that she's doing me a favor by having sex with me.

Frick!


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm sorry nothing's changed but that's just how she is. She had a great time with you but it could take awhile before she's ready for another great time. There are likely many reasons for that but that's basically her pattern from what I remember about your other threads. She doesn't see having great sex one day as meaning she should have it again the next day or even the next week. She has to recharge and it takes her a long longer than it does you (not uncommon with a lot of women). And she isn't likely to change, unfortunately. She is the stereotypical female (obviously, not all are like her but very many are). She sees no reason to change.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

That's what SLA is all about.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

alexm said:


> Let me be polite here:
> 
> I am sorry that some of you have less sex than I do. That sucks, and I feel for you.
> 
> ...


Yes, I've gotten similar responses in my threads too. It can get annoying when you are starting a thread looking for some advice/suggestions when others tell you to buck up because you're in better shape than them or even worse - get accused of trolling/bragging/being insensitive. While I don't mind someone chiming in about their situation being worse - because sometimes it's good to have these variety of inputs to help with perspective and to me that's a GOOD thing - it's when people accuse you of being a jerk is where I draw the line.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Yes, I've gotten similar responses in my threads too. It can get annoying when you are starting a thread looking for some advice/suggestions when others tell you to buck up because you're in better shape than them or even worse - get accused of trolling/bragging/being insensitive. While I don't mind someone chiming in about their situation being worse - because sometimes it's good to have these variety of inputs to help with perspective and to me that's a GOOD thing - it's when people accuse you of being a jerk is where I draw the line.


Hey Plan, 

I have often replied to your threads only to delete my insensitive words, because realized I was being a jealous punk. Having said that, I'll share with you that when I feel hurt and aroused at the same time it is unbearable!!!! I too find myself drawing a line...

Regards, 
Badsanta


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Don't lose heart alexm.

I get your frustration but don't let it get in your way.

I think you have made some progress. Try not to take anything too seriously. I'm serious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

ConanHub said:


> Don't lose heart alexm.
> 
> I get your frustration but don't let it get in your way.
> 
> ...


Thanks.

Yeah, I don't take it to heart anymore. It's just that initial reaction of "are you ******* kidding me?", then I get over it (myself) and life goes on.

It's just especially frustrating when things are going well in all aspects, and then you get that garbage line thrown at you.


----------

