# talking dirty



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

So, I was wondering how many of you talk dirty to your spouse in bed (or throughout the day)?

I try to in bed but sometimes I feel silly. I really only feel comfortable with it after a couple of drinks.
half a bottle of wine and I will say whatever. ( LOL)

I want to do this more, but I would also like my (somewhat of a mute) husband to reciprocate.

Talking about the health of our sex life since our big awful fight has done wonders. I have had to be really upfront about what my expectations are about frequency. Though it really is hard to talk about- it is extremely beneficial.

I just want him to talk more to me about it both in and outside of the bedroom. I want him to initiate a discussion.
I want him to open up and tell me what he likes and if I am doing a good job. Positive reinforcement goes a long way with me.
Though, I don't want this stuff to be scripted, sound fake or contrived. I want the dirty talk to be organic and natural.
But how do you make the dialogue sound natural if you aren't comfortable opening up and saying those types of things?

Aside from a moan or two and a softly spoken I love you, we don't really talk much in bed.

I am trying to send texts throughout the day as foreplay. If I am thinking about him sexually, I like to let him know. I am a lot more comfortable doing this than saying what I want or am thinking about face to face, in the moment.I am trying to lead by example... He rarely responds to these texts, but will tell me later that he liked them.

I don't want to take my cues from pornography- that makes it feel silly and fake. And all those women sound like they are in pain. Though I have heard a man say a thing or two in porn that I might like to hear from my H.
Does your spouse talk dirty to you? Do you reciprocate?
Do you even like it?
How did you make yourself comfortable to do this? How did you coax your spouse to open up to doing this?


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

Greenpearl, you seem to have a very healthy dialogue with your husband about this sort of thing.... 
Some of your posts make me blush, and I wish me and my H would say those types of things to one another. You make it seem natural and normal and comfortable....
What are your thoughts?
(Others feel free to chime in- but it was GP's posts that got me thinking about it)


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I think reading erotica would help - this is a time when actually the written word helps more than imagery.

Much of video porn doesn't really have good and natural dialogue but get a "dirty" writer, you can really be coached. So read some and then pass the book onto him so he can get inside your head, instead of just inside your vagina.

It all comes down to fear. I have always had a problem relaxing with the pillow talk with women. . .why? 

Well, what if you say something wrong? I mean, far be it for a guy to actually say something wrong to his woman and she let him know about it, right  ? Seriously though, men fear (at least I do). . .12 years and 3 months from now. . .your woman will say,

"Remember that time 12 years ago and 3 months ago you called me a dirty little ***** during sex? Well, I guess you really think that, don't you? You know how humiliated I felt?"

"Huh?" and then it's either:

"No, I didn't"

or

"I'm sorry."

Generally speaking, women do that.

Really, men are naturally dirty anyway. Like Chris Rock jokes: "Ladies. . .yourrrrr MAN. . .is nastier than you ever imagined. He's been looking at porn since he's been 12 year old and there are pornographic images circulating around in his head!!!"

So. . .this is generally what holds him back - he doesn't want to be accused of disrespect.

One of my favorite authors on sex and men is Nancy Friday. For those of you not familiar with her, she developed a lot of sex psychosocial theory and generalizations by having men send in their fantasies. It was interesting to me, how dead on she was. 

It's hard to summarize her thoughts but I'll try - the underlying theme of sexuality in men is we are totally in love with you as women and we want to be very sexual with you but are taught by women (usually our mothers first) to put away that dirty, ugly penis. From thereonin, we are taught our bodies aren't attractive but OMG, women's are. . .so then all kinds of fantasies develop around that. The common one - girl on girl. . .why is that erotic for men? I always wondered this myself. . .well the reason is we get turned on by that talk or that imagery is because the man thinks,

"This woman wants sex so much, she'll even have sex with other women, if men arent' around. She wants it as much as I do!!! She's in heat!!! She actually likes female body parts as much as I do!!!"

What's the point of this - I can almost guarantee you your man's wants to "Come out" with his sexuality but this fear is very ingrained in him. It will probably take more than just a one liner of "Just relax with me honey. It's okay."

Get Nancy Friday's book MEN IN LOVE to get inside your husband's head a bit. I believe it's still in print from the 70's.


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

Thanks for your response, Scannerguard!
I will look for that book.
I know how to get myself more acclimated to the dirty talk, however- how do i broach the subject w/ my husband?


----------



## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

The easiest way to speak to him without sounding fake is to say what you are feeling atm "Damn that feels good!" Once you've broken the silence then say what you are thinking.
Whether it's him having hit a spot you want him to stay on "right there, ohh right there" or him to thrust at a different pace "harder baby ohh".

As silly as this may sound, you moaning the words during sex: "Talk to me honey" has a lot of impact. It will not only usually make him speak but also make him think tomorrow and throughout the week about what he could be saying.
If after you have moaned "Talk to me honey' he has still said nothing then force him to break his own silence  say to him 'Do you feel that sweetheart?" or "Can you feel that?!"

Porn videos have taken a very useful tool of ours and made it seem tacky, it's not. It enriches our experience and in a lot of cases truly gets us to where we are going faster.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.LonelyGal

I have to think hard why I am like this! 

Just one night, my husband was doing me, and I said: HARDER..............., and he DID it. The next day we joked about it, and I sensed that my husband liked it. 

Then one night, while my husband was doing me, I screamed: fvk, fvk, fvk me........... and it made my husband go harder and faster. I like rough sex. 

I guess I learned to say these things from watching porn. I can't do their facial expression since I am not an actress, I don't oh oh oh.........since I feel they are fake. But when I am enjoying what my husband is doing, I show it by moaning and saying dirty words. It sends him signals to do what I like. 

During the day, we are both naked a lot in the apartment, so I give him compliments about his big and hard toy all the time, I go up to him and play with his toy. I like to make his toy stand up proudly. 

My husband likes the way I like to be naked, he likes the way I am seductive, he tells me he likes it, so I do more often. I guess it comes to a good circle. He didn't say the word" fvk" a lot before, now he is always" Fvkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" in a very naughty tone, it sends electricity to my body.

My husband is shy in public, he doesn't talk much in public, but at home, we are really open to each other. 

I do think if a woman is more seductive, the man will be more responsive. We don't need to feel that sex is dirty or sex talk is dirty. Hey, there are only two people in the bedroom, nobody can see or hear. A husband and a wife don't need to feel embarrassed about saying or doing sex stuff, hey, his toy has been in your jade already, what's so embarrassed about other things. 

Send him invitation, he will respond. He is a man, 99% of men like dirty stuff.


----------



## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Yeah my hubby likes this sort of thing too. I'm not very creative but every now and again I'll say something I saw in a porn movie and it really seems to get his motor running, if you know what I mean. Over time you get to know what things he likes said so I just slip that in every now and again. I can't do it constantly though because it makes me feel trashy and like a bit of an idiot, haha, but I think that's just because I'm saying something completely different to what I would al' naturale. But yeah, just a comment every now and again to keep him on his toes


----------



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

This is where we must be willing, willing to step out of our comfort zone. Change is not easy. 

I started easy, like "do you like this?", or "I know you like that", or the old vanilla "I like this, that feels good", then worked up to "**** me harder", but still feel uncomfortable saying clit and can't say p&&&y.


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

I am working on my bedroom dialogue, and it isn't as hard as I thought.
I just want him to reciprocate, and he stays mute.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> I am working on my bedroom dialogue, and it isn't as hard as I thought.
> I just want him to reciprocate, and he stays mute.


Some men are not romantic, it is difficult for them to change.

I tried to ask my ex to change, and he just couldn't understand what I wanted. When he wanted to do what I wanted, it was too late. 

I am too romantic, I need a man who is also romantic about sex. I am just lucky that I met my Canadian husband.


----------



## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

kgregory1011 said:


> I send my husband dirty texts while he's at work, I also send him pics. I ask him if his pants are getting tight? lol.
> 
> I tell him all the time what i want to do to him and what I want him to do to me. My husband is kinda shy so I get a real kick out of making his "blush".
> 
> ...


You need to clone yourself! :smthumbup:


----------



## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> You need to clone yourself! :smthumbup:


Ha Ha .. Wish my husband would see that what we have and what I give him is "extra special". I've told him "good luck finding someone like me that will put up with your crap".

I think about it alot .. What if I never found someone like him, I can't imagine anything better. He accepts all my weirdness and my sexual needs/wants. 

It's a very scary thought. I promised myself that I would never be in another sexless boring marriage. Sexual compatability is a must. It is an absolute need in my life.


----------



## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

So he does know how lucky he is in the grand scheme of marriages, what a rare find you are?




kgregory1011 said:


> Ha Ha .. Wish my husband would see that what we have and what I give him is "extra special". I've told him "good luck finding someone like me that will put up with your crap".
> 
> I think about it alot .. What if I never found someone like him, I can't imagine anything better. He accepts all my weirdness and my sexual needs/wants.
> 
> It's a very scary thought. I promised myself that I would never be in another sexless boring marriage. Sexual compatability is a must. It is an absolute need in my life.


----------



## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> So he does know how lucky he is and truyly in the grand scheme of marriages what a rare find you are?


I don't know how to answer that. Were separated  Hopefully he'll figure out that he doesn't have it sooo bad.


----------



## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

> I think reading erotica would help - this is a time when actually the written word helps more than imagery.


Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

How can I get my husband's mouth to talk dirty? I mean he can't even talk sexy so let alone talk dirty. He doesn't express his feelings too much. 
Any tips?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Things turned around for us when I started being "dirtier". My H was always very proper with me, respected me and put me on a pedestal. The first time I rubbed myself during sex he was elated. I'd whisper things in his ear about how much I liked what he was doing, and now when we have rough sex he will just throw in comments here and there. We've never talked much in bed. But we satisfy each other. Last night was probably the most dirty he's been. We were both drunk, and he can go on forever when he's been drinking, and he just kept saying how much he loved my pu**y and couldnt stop. You've got to get those inhibitions down. If he likes the talking dirty tease him in dirty ways.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> Things turned around for us when I started being "dirtier". My H was always very proper with me, respected me and put me on a pedestal. The first time I rubbed myself during sex he was elated. I'd whisper things in his ear about how much I liked what he was doing, and now when we have rough sex he will just throw in comments here and there. We've never talked much in bed. But we satisfy each other. Last night was probably the most dirty he's been. We were both drunk, and he can go on forever when he's been drinking, and he just kept saying how much he loved my pu**y and couldnt stop. You've got to get those inhibitions down. If he likes the talking dirty tease him in dirty ways.


Thanks! My husband feels very uncomfortable to talk during sex. I need him to feel more comfortable to open his mouth. Maybe I should let him drink first. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> I was wondering how many of you talk dirty to your spouse in bed (or throughout the day)?
> 
> I try to in bed but sometimes I feel silly. I really only feel comfortable with it after a couple of drinks.
> half a bottle of wine and I will say whatever.
> ?


 I need ZERO drinks! Have never even been drunk a day in my life--husband says that might be dangeous! 

My desire to talk dirty, act dirty & get dirty is Up there ! In bed, out of bed. I don't feel silly, I feel seductive, creative & energized by doing it. Any little comment I hear anywhere, I will immediately see the dirtiness potential in it & probably add to it, smile, have an erotic moment of bliss. 

Even my kids make jokes about how dirty MOM is. We was on vacation this summer & my 13 yr old was telling me not to break off the twigs on the tree (there were signs visitors would have to pay $1 an inch or something), I was twiddling around with the limbs/leaves, he says to me "MOM, quit doing that", I was not thinking dirty at the time but said "Oh I just need something to do with my hands" - and he looks at me with this strange half co**ed smile & says "Mom, I KNOW what you are thinking". How funny it was. 

What is so weird with me is >> I RARELY ever flirted in the past, or talked dirty. I didn't even like guys who acted this way, I felt they were fake. I guess after all these years, that flirtatious being that was buried has somehow been unleashed --the damm let loose. Look out. Husband is NOT much of a dirty talker, God How I wish he was! He is more of a toucher than a talker. I can live with this. 



Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> I want to do this more, but I would also like my (somewhat of a mute) husband to reciprocate.


My feelings on this is --if am man is generally quiet to begin with, probably less of a chance getting him to be a very verbal in the bedroom. Mine will never reach the heights I dream of or feel I would have the most "FUN" with. I was always openly verbal - as husband would say -I used to talk about "the paint on the ceiling" when we were intimate, ramble about the kids, my schedule the next day. Of coarse he said nothing to stop me but he is much happier with my seductive erotic talk over that!! Once a talker, always a talker I guess. I just changed "Passions". 



Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> I want the dirty talk to be organic and natural. But how do you make the dialogue sound natural if you aren't comfortable opening up and saying those types of things??


 Best thing to do is work on your EROTIC self before him, explore ever more new physical ways to bring him to the mountain top, vocalize YOUR excitement as you are doing him, nothing wrong with asking how he likes something now & then, Hopefully as YOU open up , he may do so more freely. 

I have been ridiculous enough to literally START fights with him over NOT flirting with me enough, or not asking me enough questions. None of you is probably dumb enough to go this far. I can't say it changes much, he KNOWS what I want, but can't seem to change what HE is. He has gotten better though in the last 2 yrs, as it used to be ALL silent. Now he will tell me how good something is-especially right after the orgasm, or direct me a little slower, squeeze a little harder there. And when your man does say anything -- encourage encourage encourage so he KNOWS you are loving it !!



Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> Aside from a moan or two and a softly spoken I love you, we don't really talk much in bed.


 This would have been forever MY husband if I had not went overboard in pursuing how much I need just a little bit more. Some guys are just "this way".



Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> I don't want to take my cues from pornography- that makes it feel silly and fake. And all those women sound like they are in pain.


 So fake I agree! We rarely HEAR anything we like in porn, we SEE alot we like but not HEAR what seems "real". A good R-rated Hot scene in a movie seems much more REAL in comparison. 



Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> How did you make yourself comfortable to do this? How did you coax your spouse to open up to doing this?


 Kinda came totally naturally for me when my sex drive climbed, it was just suddenly THERE. With the thoughts came the desire to verbalize what I was thinking & very much feeling. I never know what is going to come out of my mouth, the other day when we was on the verge of reaching our orgasms together, I generally let him know so he can "let himself go" saying "give it to me Hard" or similar - here I said "PLOW ME". That was a 1st. 

Flirting is so much FUN!! I am re-living my youth -things I never did -but should have been doing & enjoying as all young people go through this stage in their lives. We skipped ours -and so here we are. It is all very fresh and alive for me personally. 

I hope to never let these feelings & ways of interacting die between us. Even into our 70's I hope, and if MY hubby kicks the bucket, as a friend said about me at a party-they could see me as this Dirty old lady - pinching the young attendents butt in the nursing Home & him dropping his tray & running from me !


----------



## NaughtyByNight3 (Feb 27, 2012)

HI Mrs.LoneyGal--Just wondering how it was going with the talking during intimate moments? It really does spice things up if you can get yourself comfortable doing so. It took me 10 years to get my husband to open up!! He still isn't 100% sure of himself but he is doing to much better, but when I talk to him dirty I don't give him all closed statements....I ask questions that require and answer and it does excite him. And we have an understanding that anything goes, it is our private life I do not get mad no matter what kind of things are said, we enjoy it a lot. When I talk that way to him before we have sex, his performance is even different. So I hope it is working out for you too.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

We flirt throughout the day in calls or texts. 

*Does your spouse talk dirty to you? Do you reciprocate? *Yes and yes. 
*Do you even like it?* Hell yeah! I couldn't be with someone who was silent or unable to talk dirty during intimate moments.
*How did you make yourself comfortable to do this? How did you coax your spouse to open up to doing this?*
I didn't have to coax him other than to tell him I liked what he had to say. Once he knew that, he took it to a whole new level. That's all I'm sayin'.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I could write an erotic novel or the dialogue of a hot porn vid while we're doing and I get nothing back. Sometimes it makes me feel
so disconnected, like is he thinking about me, is he paying attention or is he off in his own thoughts or thinking about other things? I told him this weekend I really wanted him to talk. All he has to say is "that feels so good" or whatever. I don't need a novel. He said "you know I don't do that." yeah because you don't want to. I asked him
to at least make some noise which he did. That turned me on a lot. I'm going to talk to him
about how I feel disconnected. I don't think it's too much to ask!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NancyEileen (Nov 25, 2011)

I am a bit like Miss Manners also but know my husband loves dirty talk. 

I sometimes go blank and feel silly.

What sounds sexy and dirty that men like and want to hear?

Do you get tired of hearing the same things? 

i find it's much easier for me to send a dirty text but seem to freeze when we are in person...what's up with that?


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I write dirty, i talk dirty, i have no shame :smthumbup:

I actually like it though when he speaks in Spanish to me, he is a fluent speaker.


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

NancyEileen said:


> I am a bit like Miss Manners also but know my husband loves dirty talk.
> 
> I sometimes go blank and feel silly.
> 
> ...


i do too. think women will think i sound stupid


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

While we're on the subject, sometimes I have erotic dreams about my h and he gets really turned on by that. I'm wondering guys...if your wife wrote erotica about
you, that was really accurate get you turned on? What of she shared it with other people?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> While we're on the subject, sometimes I have erotic dreams about my h and he gets really turned on by that. I'm wondering guys...if your wife wrote erotica about
> you, that was really accurate get you turned on? What of she shared it with other people?


Wonders why they'd share it with others and what is written to one person is personal to that person.

When you get two people together that are talented at writing erotica to each other it is awesome


----------



## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

I personally miss the old days of dirty talk....
But would feel embarassed by it now..
I am mildly interested in sexting with my wife...
But I'm paranoid that the somehow someone would see them... Or mistakenly be sent to the wrong person...


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

WadeWilson said:


> I personally miss the old days of dirty talk....
> But would feel embarassed by it now..
> I am mildly interested in sexting with my wife...
> But I'm paranoid that the somehow someone would see them... Or mistakenly be sent to the wrong person...


like to moms, lol


----------



## NancyEileen (Nov 25, 2011)

I ALMOST sent a booby flash pic by mistake to my sister that was meant for my husband.

I learned that it's not a good idea to be texting to 2 people at the same time!

Sis would have just laughed but I was happy I caught it in time!


----------



## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I love it when my wife talks dirty. What does this mean? Here are my principles to dirty talk:

1. unrestrained. Generally, I want her to say what comes to mind without holding back. I would like to also. Clearly common sense needs to be used here but i'm comfortable that I would not go into areas that would upset or turn her off.

2. dirty and slvtty. My wife has been a dirty girl in the past. Now she's got her career, motherhood, etc. It's exciting to see her inner slvt come out. I would like to see it come out more.

3. real. I don't like pretending or role play as much as talking about real fantasies, experiences, etc. exceptions to this below.

4. confession. confession 'under duress' that she's 'been naughty'. this can be about cheating on me and other sexual things that she did wrong. 'punishment' (through the medium of rough sex) is doled out for this, of course.

In addition to the general principles above, I also like dirty talking around various themes:

-past lovers - i like to hear what she's done with others in the past. acting it out and her describing it is very hot for us both when i can manage to get her into it.

-threesomes - pretending that she is doing things with another guy (or girl) at the same time as me.

- we just met - i like to pretend that we just met and are engaged in really dirty sex that is so very 'wrong'. Sometimes this morphs into me pretending to be another guy having sex with her while she has a husband/boyfriend (me).

Clearly this is an area where people have vastly different likes and dislikes but I just wanted to share what I like in this area. Would be happy to hear from people who have similar likes so that I know i'm not alone!


----------



## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

In the good ole days, my wife experimented a bit with talking dirty, but it didn't come naturally to her. I wasn't really sure if she thought she was doing it for my benefit or she just wanted to experiment. But I applaud any effort to mix things up even if it fails.

As for me, I don't really get into load screaming dirty talk. I'm more turned on by quieter explicit descriptions of what and how she is feeling. I should say that all anatomically correct words should be tossed out the window. Also quasi role playing sex talk can be fun.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Did you vacuum the stairs? Did you take the recycling out? There's a spider up there in the corner, can you kill it? I don't care if my ashtray annoys you, dump it if you don't like it.

Is about as 'dirty' as it ever got.


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

killing spiders is cruel, i kept one in my bathroom for years and i fed him/her already dead flies.


----------

