# My wife left me and im losing hope



## desperatehusband (Aug 25, 2010)

Sorry new here and just looking for advice.

Ive been married for 7 1/2 yrs and together for 12. We are high school sweet hearts and everything always seemed perfect. Well two weeks ago i found out she was moving out and that she was not in love with me anymore. she said she has been struggling for about 4 years now between us getting into arguements and calling her names or me just not being there or her doing most of the house work. I know i was wrong in a lot of these things but these are things i can fix. Anyway she said she just feels numb and has lost her feelings for me. She says there is noone else and that she just needs some time on her own. She says she wants to have back what we had before but she doesnt think she can get the feelings back. She assumed that i wasnt happy with our marriage also and that i felt the same way about splitting. I had no clue there was any problems as she never talked to me and im a stupid man who just didnt see the signs. I just wish she had come to be before it got this bad so we could work on things. All these issues started when she started her job as a police officer. She was working 12+ hours a day 4-6 days a week and i was working 10-12 hrs 4 days a week both rotating schedules. i think we just grew apart and were not communicating. She disagrees that this was the problem. Neither of us are angry at each other and we talk on the phone daily. Ive opened up my heart completly to her but it doesnt seem to be making a difference. Im having a hard time understanding how someone can just fall out of love with someone completely after loving them for so long. She is willing to see a marriage counseler but i have to leave for a few months due to work wich i CANNOT miss or i will have no job and we cannot get in before i go. she says she is going only to help me through all this and that the counseler better not "force" us to get back together. I want more than anything to work this out and am hoping that maybe she is just confused and needs her time. I just feel so in limbo with everything. She said she is in no hurry to get a divorce and she said she is not going to say anthing that gives me false hope. Im just desperate to have us back the way we used to be. Ive pointed out all my flaws to her and told her that i want to show her i can do better. i just feel like she is throwing away 12 years of our life. i truly believe she is my soulmate and i want nothing more that to spend my life with her. i told her i am willing to fight to make this work but she just doesnt seem willing to. It has been two weeks now and things dont really seem to be changing. I just need to hear peoples experience with this good or bad.

The anxiety has been to much to handle at times. Any help in dealing with the stress is much appreciated also.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

desperatehusband said:


> Sorry new here and just looking for advice.
> 
> Ive been married for 7 1/2 yrs and together for 12. We are high school sweet hearts and everything always seemed perfect. Well two weeks ago i found out she was moving out and that she was not in love with me anymore. she said she has been struggling for about 4 years now between us getting into arguements and calling her names or me just not being there or her doing most of the house work. I know i was wrong in a lot of these things but these are things i can fix. Anyway she said she just feels numb and has lost her feelings for me. She says there is noone else and that she just needs some time on her own. She says she wants to have back what we had before but she doesnt think she can get the feelings back. She assumed that i wasnt happy with our marriage also and that i felt the same way about splitting. I had no clue there was any problems as she never talked to me and im a stupid man who just didnt see the signs. I just wish she had come to be before it got this bad so we could work on things. All these issues started when she started her job as a police officer. She was working 12+ hours a day 4-6 days a week and i was working 10-12 hrs 4 days a week both rotating schedules. i think we just grew apart and were not communicating. She disagrees that this was the problem. Neither of us are angry at each other and we talk on the phone daily. Ive opened up my heart completly to her but it doesnt seem to be making a difference. Im having a hard time understanding how someone can just fall out of love with someone completely after loving them for so long. She is willing to see a marriage counseler but i have to leave for a few months due to work wich i CANNOT miss or i will have no job and we cannot get in before i go. she says she is going only to help me through all this and that the counseler better not "force" us to get back together. I want more than anything to work this out and am hoping that maybe she is just confused and needs her time. I just feel so in limbo with everything. She said she is in no hurry to get a divorce and she said she is not going to say anthing that gives me false hope. Im just desperate to have us back the way we used to be. Ive pointed out all my flaws to her and told her that i want to show her i can do better. i just feel like she is throwing away 12 years of our life. i truly believe she is my soulmate and i want nothing more that to spend my life with her. i told her i am willing to fight to make this work but she just doesnt seem willing to. It has been two weeks now and things dont really seem to be changing. I just need to hear peoples experience with this good or bad.
> 
> The anxiety has been to much to handle at times. Any help in dealing with the stress is much appreciated also.


Hmmm, are you sure there is not a big elephant in the room, hmm no huge change in the relationship, no big stressors, nooo big fight, smells like an affair to me.


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## desperatehusband (Aug 25, 2010)

There really is no reason for me to believe she is. She has never lied to me. She is in no hurry to get separation paperwork or divorce paperwork done. She is still talking to me regularly and we see each other once in awhile. Trust me though its crossed my mind. I mention it to her and she gets upset and says that my jealously is part of the issue.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Sorry to read what your going through desperatehusband,
your story sounds like mine in som many ways.. I too was lead to believe that there was no one else.. well long story short there was.. Look deeper into her behavior, rethink things that have happened lately and look for the signs. most likely they are there but your hope and wanting things to work out have clouded your perception of what went wrong.. Do things for yourself, make yourself more attactive to her and maybe she will see what she might be missing out on.. When a woman gets to this point her mind is usually made up already and there's no changing it... Look out for your best interests, financially and emotionally... I wish you luck in getting her back and woth everything else.. divorce is not so bad.. it gives you a second chance, since mine I have grown in o many ways. bought another house, dont have to answer to anyone but myself..

I wish you all the best desperatehusband....

Keep the faith !!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Desperate,

Her saying your jealousy is part of it is a deflection of something she is doing wrong. Believe me, like you I didn't believe it, but there most likely is someone else. Like another police officer whom "makes her laugh", etc., etc.

I hate this for you. Your inclination is to pursue her, that will only push her away. You need to stop any relationship talk with her at this point. You need to snoop -- usually the I need space thing is just an excuse to make an affair easier to conduct. 

Go to marriagebuilders.com and look under affairs section. Read posts by Affaircare and Tanelornpete to understand that there is a script that all disloyal spouses use -- the jealousy statement is part of the script. There are things you need to do. Time to get started.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She's a cop? Working 12 hour days with almost totally men? She's seeing greener pastures - whether or not she has acted on it.


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