# Things changed so drastically this past few years



## rmann (Jan 2, 2018)

My wife has become a completely different person. We had a great run of about 7 years with a fantastic sex life. We did everything, tried many new things and she enjoyed every single one. I found out she cheated on me in 2013. Even after I forgave her, things were still fairly good with our sex life. Over the past few years, she has completely changed. No interest in doing fun things. We have talked about it many, many times and she has stated repeatedly that she doesn't want to do those things anymore. I don't know what to do to get things back to the way they were. I'm at a point now where I take my time coming home after work. I avoid her on weekends if I can. It's literally not fun hanging out with her anymore.


----------



## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

OP when you talked about your sex life and enjoyment. When you mean fun things do you mean sexual? Or just going out having fun? Have you asked her why the change?


----------



## rmann (Jan 2, 2018)

It all ended up in great sex, but started with dinners, going out, playing darts, pool, watching a movie. I know she loves me, as do I love her. But it just seems that after all these years, we just have to be together for the sake of being together.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Shes still pining for her lover


----------



## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

Yeah....no.

I am guessing your wife has been less than truthful with you about how much she enjoyed all those fun things. What woman who is having a great run with her marriage and a fantastic sex life (fantastic for HER) has an affair? (clue: women don't do that)

Your wife wants something you are not giving her, and she is not being forthcoming about what it is. She is pulling away sexually and emotionally. It sounds like there was not real healing after the affair.


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

You had a fantastic sex life, but were you emotionally connected? Did you have intimate conversations? Sex is important for a woman but emotional intimacy is a prerequisite for her to desire sex. Well for me anyway. 

It sounds like you measure your marriage on the things you used to do together. If she doesn’t want to do that what does she want to do? Have you asked her?


----------



## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

How old are you both?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## sunchild15 (Jul 4, 2016)

Define emotional intimacy ? 
Thanks....


----------



## rmann (Jan 2, 2018)

Thanks all for the feedback. NickyT, I don't believe that is the case. I'm not trying to justify what she did, but it was a one night drunken mistake that I have come to accept. The guy got here really stoned and drunk. But before that happened, the great run of sex, love, life etc that we had, I am confident in saying she enjoyed it. We had a great time together. There is so much more that I can add to this, but I don't know if posting our sexcapades online is a good idea. She is now 41, I am 40. When she was approaching 40, she got really emotional and I feel like that has something to do with it. I know every women is different and friends have told me to just hold on, and in her mid 40's, she is going to be a wild animal again. Is this true? Our kids are also at an age where we can't quite do crazy things anymore....we have been walked in on twice over the last year when we got a little freaky....like in the basement on the pool table, or in the garage during a fun darts game. Another question I have for the forum, should I be doing anything differently? Seeing her lack of interest, has made me not interested. I used to grab her out of the shower, spank her butt when walking past her....I stopped doing that.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Why do you accept to little?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

rmann said:


> She is now 41, I am 40. When she was approaching 40, she got really emotional and I feel like that has something to do with it. I know every women is different and friends have told me to just hold on, and in her mid 40's, she is going to be a wild animal again. Is this true?.


Not necessarily. I wouldn't pin my hopes on her miraculously turning around in a few years so that you take no action now.

My wife had a peak in libido in her early 40s and then became "very emotional" ( more like almost a lunatic) and then shortly thereafter became peri menopausal. 

The libido then fell off the cliff into the abyss and since then has only gone downhill more over time. 

41 is very early for dealing with menopause but not unheard of. 

I would not encourage you to just sit and do nothing in hopes of things miraculously improving on their own in a few years.


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Lots of things to look for.

My wife faked a lot to please me. That all fell apart after she let a friend seduce her one day. She probably would have gone on faking, but I insisted she tell me what had been missing.

It sounds to me like you rug swept your wife’s one night stand, and you haven’t figured out what she really wants.

After Mary had her affair I discovered a whole different world of sexuality she needs to be happy. So our sex life changed quite a bit after the tumultuous two years it took me to figure out what she needed.

Unfortunately it took that long because my wife is incapable of actually telling me what she needs. I had to discover it on my own.

I can only imagine if I had not succeeded Mary may have gone through what your wife is going through. Not every woman is actually willing to tell you what they think a man should know. It’s crazy, but that’s the way it is sometimes.

Good luck, whatever your issue does end up being.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If something is broken - like your sex life - you either find a way to fix it, or you discard it and get a new one.


----------

