# Opinions wanted



## Bamafann21 (Aug 23, 2019)

So a little background my wife and I have been married for 12 years now. Just celebrated our anniversary in July. We just got from an amazing vacation also in July. Had a surprise birthday party for her this past weekend. Approximately 20 people showed up mostly women and some husbands. I had a woman/friend of my wife began talking to me and it never really stopped. We both flirted just talking too much. Nothing else happened in front of her friends. However friends said that we were obvious in talking entirely too long and flirting. I ended up getting drunk to the point of not remembering certain details that night. My wife was with me the whole night and drank a little too much as well. At some point during the night I guess I got this womans phone number and text her 14 times with her only responding back a couple of times. I don't remember doing any of this. The part I vaguely remember is waking up around 3:30ish seeing the text messages and freaking out. I deleted them. All I remember is they were one or two word text. After my wife's friends talked to her about it at work Monday morning it went down hill. My wife checked cell phone records where I lied about texting this woman. I know I panicked. I've told my wife everything after questioning from her. I've went to counseling Tuesday and admitted what I done. I've took blame for all my actions. I feel horrible and I am trying my best to do everything I can to prove to my wife that it was a horrible one night incident. I know this will take time. There was never any text before this night with this woman and nothing was planned. It just happened. Remember nothing but talking/flirting happened. My wife has always wanted me to be the spiritual leader of the house but I didn't grow up un church and it has always been a struggle. In the past 6 months I've read the bible more and prayed more than I ever have. Now this Sunday I'm getting baptized and while we are still living together she hasn't responded back whether or not she is coming Sunday. Regardless this won't change me to becoming a better husband/father that she deserves and ours kids deserve. 

In the past I have made mistakes but nothing like this. She is an amazing wife, mother, and friend. She deserves better I just hope I get that opportunity to show her changes I'm making.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bamafann21 said:


> So a little background my wife and I have been married for 12 years now. Just celebrated our anniversary in July. We just got from an amazing vacation also in July. Had a surprise birthday party for her this past weekend. Approximately 20 people showed up mostly women and some husbands. I had a woman/friend of my wife began talking to me and it never really stopped. We both flirted just talking too much. Nothing else happened in front of her friends. However friends said that we were obvious in talking entirely too long and flirting. I ended up getting drunk to the point of not remembering certain details that night. My wife was with me the whole night and drank a little too much as well. At some point during the night I guess I got this womans phone number and text her 14 times with her only responding back a couple of times. I don't remember doing any of this. *The part I vaguely remember is waking up around 3:30ish seeing the text messages and freaking out. I deleted them.* All I remember is they were one or two word text. After my wife's friends talked to her about it at work Monday morning it went down hill. My wife checked cell phone records where I lied about texting this woman. I know I panicked. I've told my wife everything after questioning from her. I've went to counseling Tuesday and admitted what I done. I've took blame for all my actions. I feel horrible and I am trying my best to do everything I can to prove to my wife that it was a horrible one night incident. I know this will take time. There was never any text before this night with this woman and nothing was planned. It just happened. *Remember nothing but talking/flirting happened.* My wife has always wanted me to be the spiritual leader of the house but I didn't grow up un church and it has always been a struggle. In the past 6 months I've read the bible more and prayed more than I ever have. Now this Sunday I'm getting baptized and while we are still living together she hasn't responded back whether or not she is coming Sunday. Regardless this won't change me to becoming a better husband/father that she deserves and ours kids deserve.
> 
> In the past I have made mistakes but nothing like this. She is an amazing wife, mother, and friend. She deserves better I just hope I get that opportunity to show her changes I'm making.


Recover the texts and show them to her. Deleting them tells her you're hiding something worse.

You are minimizing and blaming alcohol for your actions. To your wife this was a betrayal and you did it apparently in front of everyone. They all noticed and will probably be talking/gossiping about it.

You've stepped in it big time then lied. How does she know you're telling the truth now?

Now you are in self protection mode. What are you gonna do to change or at least control/manage your behavior. If you do nothing this has potential to happen again.

I'm sorry, I'll never do it again is BS. Just meaningless words.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Let go of the outcome. Your wife gets to make this call. You'll get no say so in it.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What good is getting some water poured over your head going to do to help? I just don't understand this. I was raised Catholic but I still don't get it.

You shouldn't have deleted the texts, that tells your wife that you're hiding something. This woman probably told her to warn her about you, and now your wife is the subject of choice at the office water cooler. Not nice.

Nothing you can do now will fix this. You just have to wait for your wife to get over the betrayal.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Bamafann21 said:


> In the past I have made mistakes but nothing like this. She is an amazing wife, mother, and friend. She deserves better I just hope I get that opportunity to show her changes I'm making.


 Let me guess. 

The story - that you _guess_ you must have gotten her phone number during the course of the evening, and that you didn't know what you were doing when you sent all those texts late at night and that you simply *woke up* to find you'd sent them - is your story and you're stickin' TO it.

I'm not your wife. You don't have to lie to me.

Let me guess* again*. You fully intend to show this post to your wife and/or you KNOW she's going to go through your stuff and 'find' this post and see how innocent you were and how the evil drink made you do it.

Here's a suggestion you might want to try. Since you chose to delete those pesky one-word texts that you didn't know you'd sent, why don't you just have your lady friend *show* your wife all 13 or 14 of them that you sent during your 'blackout drunk' episode so she can see how innocuous they really were?

My last piece of advice: *OWN YOUR ****.*


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Ok, well then had the hots for the other women for sometime it seems, here's what you need to do.

Let her put a tracking app on your own phone.

Most cell phone companies can send everyone of you text to a tablet or other email.(so see see's every text you send)

Call and check in like any betrayer would have to do. ( If you want to stay married)

And promise to take a polygraph test for the next 3 or so years. ( Or the amount she chooses) 

Quit drinking you proven you can not handle it. (Staying faithful)

Don't get a burner phone because the poly will expose you.

Buy the book Not just friends, and the cheaters handbook for you and your wife so she will know what could be in-store for her or be wise to just how cheaters lie, lie, and lie.

And by all means do get baptized, knowing that you are being held to a greater standard, if you don't know Jesus forgives but he also states not to repeat the same sin again. And to make restitution to the one you have betrayed.

And lastly..........

Do this with, happiness, joy, and love. 

Not with Malice, or vengeful hurt you may inflict on you wife.

Be a New great Christian, and a husband and own this, you are the one who crossed that threshold that should have not been!


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Let me guess again. You fully intend to show this post to your wife and/or you KNOW she's going to go through your stuff and 'find' this post and see how innocent you were and how the evil drink made you do it 


Right on SSGI, Right on


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Stop drinking to excess.


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## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

Tilted 1 said:


> Let me guess again. You fully intend to show this post to your wife and/or you KNOW she's going to go through your stuff and 'find' this post and see how innocent you were and how the evil drink made you do it
> 
> 
> Right on SSGI, Right on


Exactly.....no response from OP.


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