# Husband Issues



## BchGirl (Sep 5, 2012)

My husband is 43 yrs old. My biggest concern about him is that he likes to check out younger girls, especially those with large breasts. I've seen him literally staring at the chest of a 14 yr old girl. She goes to my daughter's middle school. If a teenage girl is around wearing short shorts or tight jeans he will not be able to control himself and I'll just catch him STARING to the point that it is creepy and embarrassing to me. I've had a neighbor comment that she always sees him watching our neighbor's daughter who is 15 and dresses rather provactively for her age.

I'm afraid to say anything as he is the type to become defensive. What I need to know from anyone, especially guys is "WHY" does he tend to check out teenage girls? It doesn't bother me when he looks at a woman who is older. I mean I look at good looking men. That's normal, but teenagers???


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Youth does have a certain appeal. That said if he was in the age range of these girls he's checking out that would be okay. IMO it is not healthy at 43 to be eyeing 14 and 15 year old girls. 

Have you had a serious conversation about this? Bringing up the fact that people are uncomfortable with it and he has been seen checking them out? ie: your neighbor.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

If he is staring and neighboors are noticing then yes you need to address it. That behavior is obviously creepy to outsiders.... so he needs to stop or someone could report him to the police for it. Staring to the point of obvious creepiness regardless of age is wrong imo. You shouldn't allow it and it clearly shows disrespect toward you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

BchGirl said:


> he will not be able to control himself and I'll just catch him STARING to the point that it is creepy and embarrassing to me.
> 
> I'm afraid to say anything as he is the type to become defensive. What I need to know from anyone, especially guys is "WHY" does he tend to check out teenage girls?


The short answer is because he's wired that way. But no matter how we are wired, we can't do unseemly stuff that makes us look bad or makes other people suspicious. The guy doesn't have to stare, tell him to get some self control.


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## heartsdelight (Apr 2, 2012)

Yeah he needs to stop ogling minors. That's a good way to get your daughter ostracized. "Lisa, can you believe Julie invited me over to her house? Yeah right, her dad is such a perv. I'd never go there." That's also a good way to get accusations made by kids OR adults. If someone were to say he touched their daughter, your neighbor would probably say "not surprising." 

As far as marriage-wise, it also shows little respect for you. It's one thing to be like "she's hot" and even verbalize that, it's another to drool and fantasize when you're right there. A look, whatever. A long look, he's a guy. Creepy staring? unacceptable.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I don't buy that " we're wired that way" stuff.
I'm definitely NOT wired like that.

Under aged girls are OFF LIMITS 
No matter how mature or sexy or provocative they may dress or look.

It is downright disrespectful for your husband to be ogling ANY WOMAN in front of you.

Irrespective of his reaction,
Plant your feet firmly and,
TELL HIM TO STOP.
Do not tolerate that type of behaviour.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

The teenage girls have probably already labeled him a "creeper" or will soon which is sad for your daughter. I find it weird that he would do this when he has a daughter that age. I would think most men would feel the need to protect these girls from guys like that. You have to say something and SOON....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I hope the other parents don't notice...or the girls for that matter.

You don't want him to be the "creepy" dad. My daughter (she's 13) has a friend with a creepy dad. She's not allowed at their house.

And if I saw creepy neighbor man staring at my kid, I'd be very loud about noticing him notice her.


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

Yea this is pretty creepy. I'm in my 30's and I love staring at breasts and nice bodies too but my values don't let me look at teenage girls. It is just wrong.

I would confront him but figure out a way to do it that isn't going to make him defensive. How? That can be tricky. Your the one that knows him best so as they always say it's not what you say, but how you say it.

Joe


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I hope the other parents don't notice...or the girls for that matter.
> 
> You don't want him to be the "creepy" dad. My daughter (she's 13) has a friend with a creepy dad. She's not allowed at their house.
> 
> And if I saw creepy neighbor man staring at my kid, I'd be very loud about noticing him notice her.


Same here. I don't buy that... "wired that way" thing either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## danielpreciad (Sep 6, 2012)

If he is staring and neighboors are noticing then yes you need to address it.


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

The reason he is checking out someone is because we are biologically wired to do so. Our subconscious "cave-man" brains don't distinguish between under 18 or not, just if the girl has those signs of being fertile (breasts, shiny hair, hips, etc.)

Though this does mean that we really can't help initiating the "check out," it doesn't mean that we can't decide to look away afterwards. Although, he may not even realize that he's doing it. 

A few years ago I apparently had a problem with this, but was never told that I actually did it. I would initiate a look and let my mind wander elsewhere (not necessarily about the person I was looking at) , but my eyes would still follow the person I was checking out. I got kind of a rude awakening when my mom (I wanted to die) told me about it. Since then, it has been something I've thought about and have been able to restrain.

At any rate, you should let him know about it. If we're never taught to think about it, the default for our brains is to do it. We can learn new behaviors, but we can't fix a problem if we don't know what it is.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Yes, it needs to be addressed. Also, it will be more effective if you tell him that not only do you notice it but a neighbor also noticed him staring at her own daughter. He needs to feel embarrassed and ashamed so that he can make changes. I'm not going to get into the age issue, but he is being creepy if he is staring at an attractive woman period. It doesn't matter if the it's a 14 year old or a 40 year old, blatantly staring is creepy and highly disrespectful to you.


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