# I can't orgasm...



## sunny747 (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband & I have been in a relationship for 4 yrs, married 2. I'm 21. I have only had an orgasm with one person & I'm very embarrassed about the situation. The person that I cam with was a pedifile( I was 12 & he was in his late 40's), for the year that he molested me I was able to, but I have never cum with anyone else. I can do it by myself. I feel like he robbed me of something that was supposed to be a great thing to experience with a lover, not his perverted self. What do you guys think about my situation? Can pedifiles be cured?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

My wife has a difficult time as well and it was not until recently that she could have an orgasm with me. Has he tried oral and/or manual stimulation? Are you able to completely relax?


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## Andy1972 (Dec 3, 2009)

You really need to relax and give yourself to that moment. Try squeezing him and thinking dirty thoughts at the same time. Orgasms can come in mutiples by doing this. Try using a stimulant.
I'm sorry but I cannot understand how you orgasmed at the age of twelve much less with a pedophile. I thought orgasms only came when you were turned on. How can a twelve year old be turned on at all especially by her molester. Have you talked with a doctor about that? Something was not right and now it is affecting you.
NO!!!! pedophiles cannot be cured. They are sick mentally and are very dangerous. Why do you ask?


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## folderol (Dec 6, 2009)

Hi there - this is my very first post on this forum, but I thought it was important that I respond. I too was molested when I was 10, although my situation was different - I didn't orgasm with the person who did this, but I am now married and find it very hard to "just relax" and orgasm. We've tried so many different ways but I just can't seem to do it. If I do it by myself, or if I do it with my husband to myself, I can orgasm within a few minutes sometimes. Sometimes I think it's a weakness thing - like if he can make me orgasm, in my head I seem weak. I know that may sound dumb to some people, but I've talked to other survivors and they feel the same way. The orgasm, or even initiating sex has to be on their terms - it's like being in control of your own sexuality. 

Anyhow, I just thought I'd share that with you. I don't know if pedofiles can be cured, but I sure hope that someday there will be therapy or a "cure" for them. 

Take care!


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## Ditajr (Nov 24, 2009)

Andy1972 said:


> You really need to relax and give yourself to that moment. Try squeezing him and thinking dirty thoughts at the same time. Orgasms can come in mutiples by doing this. Try using a stimulant.
> I'm sorry but I cannot understand how you orgasmed at the age of twelve much less with a pedophile. I thought orgasms only came when you were turned on. How can a twelve year old be turned on at all especially by her molester. Have you talked with a doctor about that? Something was not right and now it is affecting you.
> NO!!!! pedophiles cannot be cured. They are sick mentally and are very dangerous. Why do you ask?


As sick as it sounds, a 12 year old if very capable of having an orgasm. And I have read and heard of many times of women who are raped and have orgasms during it. It's not that they are enjoying it, certainly not. But it's a body's natural response to being stimulated. Being turned on has nothing to do with it at these times. Don't make her feel ashamed.


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## Mogget (Nov 26, 2009)

JUst wanted to reply because I was also molested as a young child and it affected my ability to orgasm with a partner too. SOMETIMES I can, but it is a lot of hard work and much easier to do on my own.

In my case it is partly that I can now only get off if I am thinking about rape fantasies - I very much enjoy consensual sex, but I can't orgasm unless I am thinking about being forced. I figure this is to do with the mess up associations in my head as my first sexual experiences were non consensual - it's like I only feel 'allowed' to get off if I am unwilling. So it usually means choosing between sex and orgasm for me. I did find that the better I got at getting myself off the better my chances for orgasm with a partner got. Fantasising during sex can help (but I don't really like to do that, I want to think about my partner).

My experience is that it is an intimacy issue - that the orgasm is linked to shame in your mind and you don't want to have that shamefulness exposed when you are with someone you love. I am still working through it, but lots of patience and lots of practice is certainly fun, as well as helpful. If you are up for it at least masturbate with your partner present, and maybe helping - that would start to shift the associations...


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