# 2 Year Marriage with Baby-Trouble in Bed



## FirstGuy (Feb 23, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for a couple of years now and have a 9 month old baby. We were both previously married, and have some baggage from those relationships that causes stress in our daily lives.

My ex-wife hates my new wife (surprise) and is constantly sending me texts and/or stupid emails just to insult or harass us. I have 2 older sons (18 and 20) with her, so she justifies her messages with that.

My wife has a different issue with her ex. They were married for 10 years and never...ever...had sex. When she and I first made love it was her first time. She was 30. Now, she's very, very touchy about this situation, obviously. Her ex always made her feel as though this was her fault, something wrong with her. She and I have worked hard to overcome the emotional struggles that come along with this issue, but it's not been easy. She refuses to speak to a counselor about it because it's such a touchy subject.

I'm 8 years her senior, but we'd known each other for many years as friends before we became a couple.

In the beginning our sex life was really quite good. And naturally, since we've had our baby it's been more difficult to find the time for sex as much as before. Since I have kids from a previous marriage I somewhat expected the change and tried to prepare my wife for the impact a child can have on sex-life.

Recently, my wife has begun to tell me that sex isn't the same for her. She use to have multiple orgasms when we first started, but now she finds it difficult to have even one. She says she doesn't like foreplay, that it just drags things out and she wants to get right to "business". I tend to like to caress and explore her body, which totally gets me going. But she just says this relaxes her and puts her to sleep, doesn't turn her on. It's to the point now where she mentioned to me that this is seeming more like just her wifely duty and not something she enjoys. I want to please her so badly, but don't know what to do. When I try to engage her and just ask in a sexy manner what she wants tonight while we're in-bed she just says an unconcerned, "whatever" and is not very involved if/when we actually do the deed. HELP! How can I help improve this situation? Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Thanks,


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi FirstGuy ~

Is she breastfeeding at all?

Ahhh... the hormonal shifts of pregnancy, post-partum, and breastfeeding can certainly do a number on a woman's body - how it looks, feels, and works. It took some months for me to even be able to have an orgasm after childbirth, and when I did it was decidedly lacking in intensity. One thing that can help is to tone up the vaginal walls by doing a lot of kegel exercises. I started to do those religiously, and my H and I just kept 'at it', and it did come back. 

If she's not so willing to do extended foreplay, is she still a willing and active participant when you do 'get down to business'?

Can you pick up doing other kinds of foreplay - during the day teasing, flirting, light touching, conversing...instead of a physical foreplay right before sex, allow it to permeate and percolate throughout your relationship? Most women love to know that they are desired by their husbands.

Best wishes.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

How is it that she stayed in a marriage for 10 years with zero sex?

I'm sorry to say that I can't believe she has much of a sex drive and that after your initial flurry of bonding sex, the future does not look good. It may not be her fault but that won't make it any easier for either of you.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Have you thought about getting your wife away from the baby for a night? It might help, being completely alone for romance.


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