# Opinions needed....



## Happiness? (Mar 3, 2011)

Now don't lambaste me. The marriage I'm in has been bad for years and I don't have the heart to leave my kids with her. She has cheated numerous times. Bad excuse but at the moment it is what it is.

I have finally found happiness. I met a woman (who is also married). We met online. Have been talking for a few weeks. We have not met yet be we are meeting on the weekend. We talked about how this will only be a physical relationship. But we chat for hours when we have a chance (chatting is easier than phone). I know everything about her (But her last name, we agreed not to tell each other yet). We exchange racy emails, talk about the day we are going to meet all the time. We talk about our problems. And she laughs at my corny as heck jokes...and I do the same in return. We talk about our marital problems (which ironically we pretty much have the same problem).

Three times out nowhere she just sends an email that says. We need to have boundaries...no feelings in this, we can't have feelings. I don't get it. I agreed, right from the beginning. I told her that I care what she has to say and I care about her because we talk and I know so much...but no deep feelings. The third time was yesterday morning. Then we talk all day..and she sends me an email that's even more open than before...how she was crying because she blames the marriage failure on herself (it's not....she has done alot...although she is talking to me....and vice versa...but we are jut filling that void), how she has talked to her mom about it and she was just crying...and had to tell me. She then hurriedly changed the conversation to how she can recognize her feelings so well...and that she wants to go to therapy with her husband...but not now. 

Why does she keep telling me about boundaries...I know.. I get it I told her I agree. I am starting to think it is more for her sake than mine. And the closer it comes to meeting...the more she subtly mentions it.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

If you're looking for happiness, that's not the way to do it. That way's only heartache, not just for you but others as well.

Bob


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

One, she is talking herself into boundaries, two, you CAN'T have a no strings relationship witth married people (umm marriage is a HUGE string) 3... you are both LOOKING for emotional ties that aren't in your marriage, or else you wouldn't be looking 4... You are BOTH cheating and that will just hurt the other person and your selves and your kids. 5... don't do it... end one thing first... find and be good with yourself alone THEN move on.

I admit to the whole just for fun, physical thing no strings in the past.. but that was between two people with no outside strings, and two people totally comfortable with alone and not in need of anything emotional... Kind of a one time moment in life LOL PLUS unless you have some inner issues which would require counseling, it is not likely to be able to carry on a physical relationship that does not involve emotions (mine had emotions, we just both decided, so what... it's fun and were actually able to turn those emotions into a pretty decent friendship later where we talked about SO's to each other... really weird HAHA)

Anyway.. stop yourself... nothing you are planning to do will end well


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yeah bud. This will blow up in your face, unexpectedly. Don't stay in your marriage just for your kids. Not a good lesson to teach them. neither is cheating. Your kids will find out, eventually, and then you'll be the one that checked out of the marriage on their mom, because that is what you are really doing.

My advise. Tell your wife the marriage sucks. You want out. Listen to her. Maybe she wants to fix it, once the news hits the fan. Then, you just never know...it may just work out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> Yeah bud. This will blow up in your face, unexpectedly. Don't stay in your marriage just for your kids. Not a good lesson to teach them. neither is cheating. Your kids will find out, eventually, and then you'll be the one that checked out of the marriage on their mom, because that is what you are really doing.
> 
> My advise. Tell your wife the marriage sucks. You want out. Listen to her. Maybe she wants to fix it, once the news hits the fan. Then, you just never know...it may just work out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: Just because your wife cheats that means that you have to lower yourself to her standards? It's bad enough that you're doing this behind your wife's back, but then you're getting involved with a MARRIED woman. 
BTW, do you know what this woman looks like? Unless you already do, then be prepared to be shocked.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Just because your marriage sucks, should you be responsible for breaking up her marriage?

The grass is always greener on the other side, but once you get over there it has the same weeds and bugs as yours.

Fix your or leave before you involve someone else.


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

woodstock said:


> One, she is talking herself into boundaries, two, you CAN'T have a no strings relationship witth married people (umm marriage is a HUGE string) 3... you are both LOOKING for emotional ties that aren't in your marriage, or else you wouldn't be looking 4... You are BOTH cheating and that will just hurt the other person and your selves and your kids. 5... don't do it... end one thing first... find and be good with yourself alone THEN move on.


Wood nailed it on this one. I just want to say marriage is not a string, IT'S A ROPE!



woodstock said:


> Anyway.. stop yourself... nothing you are planning to do will end well


:iagree: Freeze! Don't go down this road...Cheating is not ever going to simplify or improve your life. If you have to lie and cover it up from the wife that you made a vow and commitment to, then it is not right - It will harm you, the OW, Your W, your Kids, the OW's kids and the OW's H. Only a coward does damage to non-combatants. 

YEAH, I'm calling you a COWARD! If you have had integrity up to now and go forward with this, your are also a loser and a failure... I know I sound MEAN. I will not turn my back when I see someone planning to do what I know will damage not only them, but those closest to them. 

Happiness? If you are a man, step up and be honest with your W. You possess the courage to stand up to a woman don't you. I know it may scare you, the female of the species is a formidable entity. But you will only hurt innocents if you go through with this no-strings junk. That's what everybody these days wants, all the fun and pleasure, right away and no strings attached. But to my mind, the only things that are of any value are those things you invest yourself in and build. Quickie affairs have no investment. And so have no value.

Grow up, get what little courage you have, be open and honest with yourself and your W. Go from there and either stay married to her and put more investment into the marriage, or get out. Free yourself and her before you jump into the chasm of stupidity that is cheating on your spouse.

Black


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Happiness? said:


> Now don't lambaste me. The marriage I'm in has been bad for years and I don't have the heart to leave my kids with her. She has cheated numerous times. Bad excuse but at the moment it is what it is.


And yeah, I did lambaste you. And what it is and all it is, is a bad excuse. The only thing you got right. Congrats! You at least recognize stupid. 

"Stupid is forever. Ignorance can be fixed." 

I'm saying these things on the of chance that you are only ignorant.

If you are coming here to get absolution and advice to help you cheat, you are stupid. Leave. There are plenty of other forums that can serve you. This is TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE. We, or maybe I should should say I, don't want to see you here if that's the case.

But if you are coming here to salvage a relationship that you vowed to honor the rest of your life and are ignorant on how to proceed and make that happen, then I and everyone here will be at your side. These are all good people here who can and do help each other. They can be the best discovery you have ever made on the web. 

*Sorry folks, I get dicey on matters of honor.*

Black


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Okay - boundaries for cheating?

That's a new one for me.

Cheating?

Never a good idea - want to leave - then leave.

Kids a problem - don't have to leave them with her - take them with you - no more problem.

Two wrongs don't make a right. You are unhappy and don't want to be in the marriage because she cheated...but yet you are willing to do the EXACT same thing and then justify it by saying that you are in an unhappy marriage because she cheated - huh?

Cheating is the coward's way out.

Either face the problems with your wife and deal with them or leave.

Trust me - if you are unhappy - your kids know it - what kind of role model are you setting for them that "marriage" should look like yours?

Do the right thing - leave first, then find a woman who is available (married women aren't).

Do you really want to cause her husband as much pain as your wife has caused you?


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

If she has cheated numerous times then I fully understand why you would do this , the relationship must be bad and we all need someone. Please think about the outcome though which is not always apparant when you are being carried along with the moment.

You are putting yourself in a worse emotional postition by doing this , you deserve better than a serial cheat so setting yourself free to find a single yes SINGLE woman will work much better in the long run. Also it won't be long until the wife susses the emails as before you know it you will be spending hours on the computer. I can understand where you are coming from where the children are concerened and don't want to leave them . That shows what a lovely person and father you are. You don't deserve any more crap so don't put yourself in a position where you will recieve more. bless ya hope you sort this out for you and the kids. good luck:smthumbup:


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