# No Excitement... is this normal?



## bebhinntm (Dec 7, 2008)

My husband and I are in our mid/ late twenties. We've been married for 3 years, together for 8, living together for 4.

I've almost always had issues with our sex life. I haven't really felt physically attracted to him for like 6 years now. I usually only feel like sex when I'm super horny. I thought maybe it was me, but I feel physically attracted to other men and daydream about cheating (although I don't think I would because it just seems really wrong). I would like to have sex at least 3 or 4 times a week but only feel like having sex with my husband like once a week. 

My husband is not a bad guy. He tries to make me happy in and out of the bedroom. He has a job, he's good looking and has been getting into shape. He spends a lot of time with me. My only real complaint is our sex life and he doesn't seem as into sex and most men I know. I've become a lot more sexually open and really like talking about sex but he doesn't.

I don't have a lot of friends right now and none that are married or have been in really long term relationships. I was hoping for some feedback from people who have. I was wondering if it was normal to lose interest in your partner when you've been together for a long time?

I love him and would like to work things out because he's perfect in every other way. We've talked about this a lot but it doesn't seem to get any better. I would like to just be happy with what I have but sex was always a priority for me and my husband is pretty much the only sex life I've ever had (only 2x with a boyfriend before him), so this situation sort of feels like a let down.

I just want to know if these are normal feelings or not and if I'm expecting too much. I would hate to leave him only to find out that the same thing happens with someone else. It seems silly to throw the good things away, but at the same time, the thought of being so young and having so many sexually unfulfilling years ahead of me is sorta scary. Thanks


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

In my experience changes in patterns of desire over the years are normal. All sorts of different things in daily life make us feel enlivened and rarin' to go - or shut down and unresponsive to each other. But maybe a long-term loss of enthusiasm should be looked into for both your sakes.

Have a good look around the discussions here and you'll see that a disparity in levels of desire is pretty common in long-term relationships. In my own long-term relationship there were periods when our levels of desire didn't coincide and, yes, it was incredibly frustrating. But you sound like a strong, loving couple - is hubby able to take care of your needs in some other way even if he doesn't want to make love himself? Maybe, with a little sensitive exploration, you can open up something new for yourselves?


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## diaxis (Feb 20, 2010)

I guess communication is key, and if he's not willing to go the extra mile to satisfy you, then re-evaluate? On the other hand, how to satisfy your craving for other men, *shrugs* I don't know how you can have your cake and eat it too. Might be doable if you were single, but married? Your happiness will hinge on how much you need that variety versus the other things your husband provides.


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