# She has money, I have none, she wants more



## Raey (Aug 26, 2010)

Hi. I'm new to this site and could use some advice. 

I work a freelance job which as those of you who might do freelance work already know can be a minefield when it comes to money. It's a feast or famine situation. But we get by with what I make and the bills get paid mostly on time.

I was married over three years ago and my wife was working a full time job at the time. After a few months of marriage, she expressed a desire to get more involved in my industry and we eventually agreed that she would quit her job and strike out in a business with me. We've done ok together but money has always been tight. But that's just the way it goes in the freelance world. I totaled it up recently and I make 89% of the money that we bring in. It all goes into a common business account.

However, my wife has been more and more demanding of money for herself. She complained that she didn't have anything to spend on a cheap burger or to buy something at the craft store if she wanted. And, since she has access to all the accounts, she would sometimes take money out of the business account to buy something personal. A couple of times when she did that, I was counting on that money to be there and when it wasn't, a bill didn't get paid and we got hit with late fees. 

So I eventually agreed to a weekly salary of $50 per week. It's not much but that's all we can afford. Also, keep in mind that I get no salary for myself at all.

Lately, my wife has been complaining that she can't afford things. And while I don't try to have a say in what she spends her salary on, I can't understand where the money is going. She'll get $50 on Friday and then tell me that she can't afford a $12 item on Monday. So I get annoyed that she complains about money when she's the only one that gets a salary anyway. She also asks me to go on vacation every few months and it's just not possible. The last vacation we went on was a 12 hour drive to California to see my family. We had to use the credit card to cover the expenses and we're still trying to pay it off. And when I asked her about the trip later, she said it doesn't even count as a vacation since we were visiting family! But we also went to the beach, Sea World and Vegas. Doesn't count?!? AAAH!

Finally, I have wanted to make some improvements to the freelance business and she keeps blocking me, saying that we can't afford it. The only reason I want to spend this money is to improve our ability to get and perform work. So she keeps me from spending for the sake of the business but insists on her personal salary. Oh, and we're not talking huge amounts, either. $100-$150 for a new piece of gear. Not even a full month of her salary.

So I need to know if I am just overreacting or if she is being unfair. I know that these aren't grand amounts of money we're dealing with here, but it's all we have to work with which makes them even more critical. I love her but I feel that she's being a bit greedy, especially since we are having hard times and BARELY getting the bills paid as it is. 

Please let me know what you think. Thanks!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Raey said:


> So I eventually agreed to a weekly salary of $50 per week. It's not much but that's all we can afford. Also, keep in mind that I get no salary for myself at all.
> 
> So I get annoyed that she complains about money when she's the only one that gets a salary anyway


You agreed not to take a salary for yourself. Own your choices. if you're not OK with that choice, then change it. But dont play the martyr. It just builds up resentment and you still dont get what you want. 



Raey said:


> Finally, I have wanted to make some improvements to the freelance business and she keeps blocking me, saying that we can't afford it....So she keeps me from spending for the sake of the business but insists on her personal salary.


She doesnt keep you or make you do anything. You are stopping yourself. You are the only one that can make the decision. I am not negating that she also has a severe case of entitlement. But it doesnt do any good to point out her issues. You can only fix you and you are certainly not the victim here. You are participating in this dysfunction just as much as she is. Once you can own that, change how you relate to her, then things will improve. 

The bottom line is you're having a hard time taking accountability for your own choices. You're doing what she wants and then blaming her for it. Here is a great post you should read, and read, and read. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/14963-boundaries-men.html


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just what I was going to say.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I agree with what has already been said. I'd like to add that if she's that unhappy with the money situation, she could always get a better paying job. I work from home, at a job that really doesn't pay all that well. I do so so I can be here for my kids, and have more time with my boyfriend when he comes home (he's an otr truck driver). I am well aware that by choosing this job, I am choosing to have less money, and I am ok with that. If I weren't, I'd stop doing it and find another job. She needs to make that same choice. Either make do with what you have or get a different job. 

As for her blocking you...if you need to make improvements to the business to make more money, then just do it. If she's blocking you, it's because you're letting her. It is your business...run it as you see fit. And if she frequently takes money out of the business accounts to pay for personal things, then perhaps you should consider taking her off the business accounts to prevent that. 

Anything she's doing, she's doing because you let her.


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## danieli (Jun 8, 2010)

short and sweet...could you both obtain employment outside the home (even just p/t) and concentrate on the business together on nights/weekends? I didn't see any mention of kids yet so this might be a good time to build something together and work on it together. Either way, the keyword has to be "together".


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