# Stories of Ex crawling back?



## dennisg1

I was just wondering, does anyone know of any stories or have experienced this first hand; either months/years down the road where an Ex wanted/tried to get back into a relationship again?

- How long did it take before the crawling back happened?
- What was the main issue that made him/her become your Ex in the first place?
- Did you take them back?


----------



## Ynot

I am sure it has happened before, but the bigger question is why are you wondering? If it is because you are holding onto some fantasy that they will come crawling back, just let it go. You cannot live your life based on the possibility that something may happen.


----------



## bandit.45

It rarely happens.


----------



## Openminded

Are you hoping that yours will?

Don't waste your time hoping.


----------



## toblerone

The ex crawling back always smells of wish fulfillment.

Just be glad it's over. They aren't worth it if you're going through this bull****.


----------



## Rowan

Yes, my ex-husband came back, in a sense, even though I'm the one who left him. He actually wanted to be married to me. He just wanted other things too and wasn't willing to give them up or change to keep me. I think it never really occurred to him that I would actually leave him. So, when I did, he just couldn't wrap his head around it. It's like he kept waiting around for me to get over my little fit and come home where I belonged. He kept emailing, calling, stopping by, inviting me out, etc. for months after our divorce was final and I'd moved into my new home. In fact, he was still making the occasional noise about it 18 months later when he was engaged to his now-wife. 

No, I did not take him back. I left upon finding out that he'd been a serial cheater for the duration of our 21 years together. I wasn't about to take him back. But, like most serial cheaters, he's pretty narcissistic. He couldn't really fathom being left for something he considered none of my business and kept saying didn't effect me at all. For a very long time, he was very angry with me for breaking up our family. Because he fundamentally lacks the ability to accept responsibility for his own actions. 

So, yeah, sometimes they do come crawling back. But even when they do, why would you ever take them back?


----------



## Bananapeel

Are you hoping she'll come back so you can reconcile or so you can get the satisfaction of telling her no? If it's for reconciliation then you need to come to terms with her lack of interest in you and your lack of self esteem to want it. If it's for your personal satisfaction so you can deny her then you need to detach more. 

My XW has not come crawling back, but I set the stage to make it impossible for her to even consider it, by limiting all of our contact to only being about the kids. If she brings up anything else I just shut it down, so there's no avenue for her to even consider trying to come back.


----------



## Steve2.0

There are too many love songs about ex's changing their minds and coming back... or people changing... Its all emotional food.... end that meal.

Phase 1 -> Improve yourself - Mind Body and Soul. Go to the gym, learn new perspectives, grow!!!!
Phase 2 -> You become more desirable to opposite sex as you continue to grow with Phase 1
Phase 3 -> IF your ex comes back, you reject them because you are now in a new and better place


----------



## happy as a clam

Steve2.0 said:


> There are too many love songs about ex's changing their minds and coming back... or people changing... Its all emotional food.... end that meal.
> 
> Phase 1 -> Improve yourself - Mind Body and Soul. Go to the gym, learn new perspectives, grow!!!!
> Phase 2 -> You become more desirable to opposite sex as you continue to grow with Phase 1
> Phase 3 -> IF your ex comes back, you reject them because you are now in a new and better place


Love this “three phase” summary! Nothing more needs said...

:smthumbup:


----------



## dennisg1

Openminded said:


> Are you hoping that yours will?
> 
> Don't waste your time hoping.


No, I'm not hoping my Ex will come back because I would never be able to trust or love her ever the same again.



Bananapeel said:


> Are you hoping she'll come back so you can reconcile or so you can get the satisfaction of telling her no? If it's for reconciliation then you need to come to terms with her lack of interest in you and your lack of self esteem to want it. If it's for your personal satisfaction so you can deny her then you need to detach more.
> 
> My XW has not come crawling back, but I set the stage to make it impossible for her to even consider it, by limiting all of our contact to only being about the kids. If she brings up anything else I just shut it down, so there's no avenue for her to even consider trying to come back.


Yeah, at this current moment; I guess some of it is for "personal satisfaction". However, I guess as more time goes by I will be able to detach more and not even care what she's doing with her life. 



Steve2.0 said:


> There are too many love songs about ex's changing their minds and coming back... or people changing... Its all emotional food.... end that meal.
> 
> Phase 1 -> Improve yourself - Mind Body and Soul. Go to the gym, learn new perspectives, grow!!!!
> Phase 2 -> You become more desirable to opposite sex as you continue to grow with Phase 1
> Phase 3 -> IF your ex comes back, you reject them because you are now in a new and better place


This is great! Yes, I'm definitely in full swing of "Phase 1". I have loss a lot of weight and trying to get to the gym as often as I can. I will be able to be more dedicated to working out once I move to my new place and feel more settled.

When I started this whole 180 process, I remember her saying "of course, that's just my luck that you will be doing {insert self-improvement} now and you will be perfect for your next girlfriend".

Regarding "Phase 2", I haven't experienced this yet with any online dating; haha, but I guess need to continue with "Phase 1" more.


----------



## sokillme

The best you may ever get is her crawling.


----------



## Rhubarb

Mine called me up drunk and crying that she still loved me a few times. But I saw no reason to return to the living hell I was in when we were married. When she cheated on me she actually did me a huge favor.


----------



## bandit.45

I ran a thread a while back that deals with this question.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/322545-myth-they-come-crawling-back.html


----------



## sokillme

bandit.45 said:


> I ran a thread a while back that deals with this question.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/322545-myth-they-come-crawling-back.html


I miss some of those posters.


----------



## Rick Blaine

My wife asked me back after she had an affair. I divorced her when she wouldn't end the affair. After the affair crumbled, she came "crawling" back. She demonstrated serious remorse, cried, called herself a monster. We worked to recover our marriage, and for three years we were strong. But it was a false recovery as she had another affair, and I divorced her again. 

Though it didn't work out for me, for some couples reconciliation does work. But each case is different, and each person in the marriage is different. 

As you have seen, most here on TAM dismiss reconciliation. But for some, marriage is a covenant--an exchange of vows between two people made before God. That bond is indissoluble. And so fighting for the marriage is the best way a person can know they gave it their all. 

I don't feel that I am better off being divorced, even though it was I who pushed through the divorce. I have followed the 3 steps enumerated above about self-improvement, reinventing oneself, and finding happiness. I am there; however, I will never accept the death of my marriage and the breaking apart of my family. My daughters deserve better, and I believe that one marriage, one connected family unit for a lifetime is the ultimate ideal. My ex-wife made her decision, and I don't dwell on it, and I'm past anger and grief. But there is nothing wrong with recognizing the loss for what it is.

OP, whether or not your ex grovels back, you have a life to live. If a spouse emerges from the ashes and reconciliation is in the cards both people have lots of hard work to do. Anything is possible, and with God, everything is possible. But be guarded no matter what. If reconciliation isn't part of the future, you can recover from the death of your marriage, improve yourself, learn from the past, and become a healthy, happy, fully integrated person.


----------



## sokillme

I really don't feel like the ex crawling back is a redemption story anyway because the ex is not worth very much in a committed relationship. This is why whenever I read post on boards where people write about how they hope the couple will successfully R and how they love happy endings I want to puke. Ending up with an ******* who treated you like crap is not a happy ending. The redemption story is when the BS finds someone better and how much better their life is. That is a happy ending. 

Who cares if the ex to come crawling back because the ex is who they are, they are cheaters and by their very nature they will have hard lives. Just read the posts on the wayword section of SI, these people have all myriad of problems. The struggle with the most basic stuff that is needed to form long lasting intimate bonds. Just because most of the time they don't address these issues doesn't mean they don't have them.


----------



## Wolf1974

Ewww gross why would you even consider that. I have grown into a much better person without her than I ever was with her.


----------



## Chuck71

Rick Blaine said:


> My wife asked me back after she had an affair. I divorced her when she wouldn't end the affair. After the affair crumbled, she came "crawling" back. She demonstrated serious remorse, cried, called herself a monster. We worked to recover our marriage, and for three years we were strong. But it was a false recovery as she had another affair, and I divorced her again.
> 
> Though it didn't work out for me, for some couples reconciliation does work. But each case is different, and each person in the marriage is different.
> 
> As you have seen, most here on TAM dismiss reconciliation. But for some, marriage is a covenant--an exchange of vows between two people made before God. That bond is indissoluble. And so fighting for the marriage is the best way a person can know they gave it their all.
> 
> I don't feel that I am better off being divorced, even though it was I who pushed through the divorce. I have followed the 3 steps enumerated above about self-improvement, reinventing oneself, and finding happiness. I am there; however, I will never accept the death of my marriage and the breaking apart of my family. My daughters deserve better, and I believe that one marriage, one connected family unit for a lifetime is the ultimate ideal. My ex-wife made her decision, and I don't dwell on it, and I'm past anger and grief. But there is nothing wrong with recognizing the loss for what it is.
> 
> OP, whether or not your ex grovels back, you have a life to live. If a spouse emerges from the ashes and reconciliation is in the cards both people have lots of hard work to do. Anything is possible, and with God, everything is possible. But be guarded no matter what. If reconciliation isn't part of the future, you can recover from the death of your marriage, improve yourself, learn from the past, and become a healthy, happy, fully integrated person.


Been on this board five years now..... if I had to do a Top 10 saddest Ds....

you're in there.


----------



## Rick Blaine

Chuck71 said:


> Been on this board five years now..... if I had to do a Top 10 saddest Ds....
> 
> you're in there.


Yup, it was tough sledding. Twice. But faith, hope, and love abide.


----------



## sokillme

Most cheaters are like another species of human. Fidelity doesn't really have any importance for them, they don't understand it. At the most they want the benefit of having there spouses fidelity but as far as committing themselves to it that is not in their makeup. They may not even understand this about themselves. They are better off left with their own kind, which is why crawling back means absolutely nothing. 

I say it all the time but life experience has shown me, it's in their nature. Changing nature takes monumental work and like an alcoholic they will forever be working against their nature to not to drink. First they have to get this about themselves. How many people have it in them to even get that far.


----------



## Married but Happy

The ex rarely crawls back, IMO. The BS may reach out in hope they will, but mostly get the middle finger in response.


----------

