# limiting contact of siblings.....



## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

Background: I will try and make this brief but it might turn out long. I have been with my husband for 5 years. He had 4 children from a previous marriage. That he saw regularly. His ex wife took a turn for the worse in a primarily perscription pill addiction. So he gained custody of his oldest 2 who were 15 and 14 at the time. When I moved in with him his ex wife dropped the younger 2, ages 9 and 11 at our doorstep and said "you deal with them" So I became a full time mom to 4 kids right off the bat. The mother favored the youngest girl amd one day she came home and said "mamma wants me back" and started packing her bags. So we had the oldest 3 for a few years (mother did not have contact with them by her choice except for christmas) When I became pregnat with my first child so did the oldest at age 16. At this point she moved in with her mother because we refused to let b/f stay the night and mother would. Eventually the youngest asked to come live with us again. Mother allowed it but cut off seeing the youngest as well. In the number of years i had the kids especially the 2 boys, their mother never asked to see them except for Christmas, never called or anything, even on birthdays. Fast forward a year mother and youngest were hit by a car. A year later their mother died. By this point the oldest had another child and a shotgun wedding and moved out at 18. The oldest boy left at 17 because he was stealing and doing drugs and we said he cant do that in our home. Fast forward again. We buy a house I have another child and the oldest wants a divorce but has no where to go. We take her in so she can save money for her own place and front her the money for the divorce. 
Now here is where the big problems start. Oldest starts lying to us about where she is and what she is doing. She blows all her money shopping but makes up some lie as to what she has to spend it on. I watch her kids for her so she wont have babysitting fees while at work. The lying gets worse and she even left the kids for a whole weekend while hubby and I were gone and asked her to stay with them. Anyways we decide to confront her about it and we feel we came at her in a very loving way and gave her the opportunity to fess up on her own. Well she just decided to blow up amd leave saying we were kicking her out, (we repeatedly told her that we werent). She is now living at her grandparents and has been there a year with no money saved whatsoever. (I went over her finances with her and know she could be saving 600 a month at least easy) We warned them but they believe everything she says. Any way she decided to get married in a hurry again and didnt invite amyone from our aide of the family. Not even her kids attended. Nor will she be living with this guy for another 3 years. Basically her lying and manipulation is not an infuence we want on the younger kids still living with us. So we have tried to keep their contact to family get togethers and dinners and such. But now we find that the youngest girl is texting her older sister and saying we wont let her see older sister. And older sister is having a fit and whatnot about it. 

We sat the younger kids down and explained our reasonings. That its our jobs as parents to teach them right from wrong and instill good morals and keep bad influences out. That they can still see their siblings but it has to be under certain circumstances. I even invited their older sister over because we had gotten her a mothers day gift. But she never came. 

Its just hard because youngest daughter doesnt understand. (She has issues with lying amd deleting messages and such...along with some personality issues like ungratefulness and not being polite) We are a Christian family and doing the right thing is hard. I just dont know if we should have gone about it the right way. I love these kids like my own. Im the only mom they have now. But I feel like the older 2 will always hate me.

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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

Also I know my profile says homosexual. I havnt figured out how to change it yet. Im a straight female

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I admire all that you have done. I wouldn't have been able to. The older kids don't like you? Ok, fair enough. If they resent you because you're not their mother, in spite of all of the huge efforts you've made, I'd tell them that the feeling was mutual and that it may be best if they go along their own way. I know this answer does not reflect your Christian values. I know it's ungenerous. However, you cannot be a martyr. If they don't like you, that's one thing, but if they are disrespectful and disrupting your ability to parent your own, biological children, that is another story.

Don't let them get away with it. Put your foot down.


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