# Cosmo is The Devil.



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

I went with my wife to the doctor the other day. She read cosmo as we waited. On the way home she told me read an article that said that many women do not like to see thier man naked. She said she felt relieved because she feels the same way. I was pretty much devistated by that statement. 
My wife is my only sexual partner, ever. I felt relieved and, had pretty much gotten over most of my body issues after my wife and I started having sex. I felt totally accepted by her, and even approved of, as she would make comments about liking a little extra fluff on a guy and soforth. In our recent conversation she said that it wasn't that she didin't like to see MY body naked, but that she never really liked it, no matter what her man looked liked. This was no help to me. I feel embarassed and jugded and I don't know how I can even have sex again feeling rejected like this.
I already have problems feeling like I'm not very attractive to my wife. Sex is quite infrequent, going as long as six weeks in between. She tells me she loves me and cares about me just like she always has, but she just doesn't "get tingely" like she used to. We're still teying to figure it out, but it takes it's toll on me, leaving me feeling unwanted and neglected. She makes an effort to be with me more often, but that last a little while and drops off again. It hurts me that I'm just as crazy about her as I've always been, but she's just not that into me anymore. I realize this is a common problem, especially after kids. It's not like we've even been together that long. We've been married for four years and we're in our early thirties. I think that's a little soon to be going through something like this.
These two things together have made feel like total crap. My wife insists that she didn't mean that I was unattractive. She just feels better knowing that other women feel like she does in that nudity, even 'idealized' nudity on porn ect. doesn't do anything for and never has. That doesn't help me. I feel let down that yet another thing in my marriage is not how I thought it would be. Sometimes I feel like there are certain needs in my life that will just never be met and if I want to stay with the woman I love, I'm just going to have to get used to it. Sometimes I wish my wife didn't feel the need to tell me EVERYTHING she's thinking and feeling. I think this little jewel about how my body does nothoing for her could have been saved for her girlfriends. I just didn't need to know.
To her credit, I guess I can wrap my mind around her not being into my body one way or the other. I am a little overwieght, and I guess I'm a touch on the hairy: the sources of most of my body issues, such as they were/are. She has been with a few other partners other than me, many of whom I have met, and they run the gambbit from slim and cut to truely obese. One of her boyfriends even went from moderately cut to obese while she was with him. She is obviously open to loving and being with different types of men, and thier bodies did not bother her.
I am totally heartbroken at this point. Am I being too sensative? Should I just suck it up and accept that there must be SOMETHING that makes my wife love me and want me on accation even though I have no idea what that might be? All this has taken a huge hit on my ego, am I in the wrong for that? Is it ok for me to feel that maybe my wife should be able to say to herself "Hey, maybe this little nugget will damage my husbands self-esteem, so while it's true, maybe I'll just keep it to myslef." When I started to talk to her about this she said "Gosh, I'm never talking to you about what I read in magazines again." I told her that's not the point. It's that she obviously shares the opinion, and it makes me feel bad. I'm littlerally choked up over this and feel, just destroyed. Please help.


----------



## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Mat E K said:


> I went with my wife to the doctor the other day. She read comso as we waited. On the way home she told me she felt relieved because she read an article that said that my women do nt like to see thier man naked, becasue she feels the same way. I was pretty much devistated by that statement. She said that it wasn't that she didin't like to see MY body naked, but that she never really liked it, no matter what her man looked liked. This was no help to me. I feel embarassed and jugded and I don't know how I can even have sex again feeling rejected and judged like this.
> I already have problems feeling like I'm not very attractive to my wife. Sex is quite infrequent, going as long as six weeks in between. She tells me she loves me and cares about me just like she always has, but she just doesn't "get tingely" like she used to. We're still teying to figure it out, but it takes it's toll on me, leaving me feeling unwanted and neglected. She makes an effort to be with me more often, but that last a little while and drops off again. It hurts me that I'm just as crazy about her as I've always been, but she's just not that into me anymore. I realize this is a common problem, especially after kids. It's not like we've even been together that long. We've been married for four years and we're in our early thirties. I think that's a little soon to be going through something like this.
> These two things together have made feel like total crap. My wife insists that she didn't mean that I was unattractive. She just feels better knowing that other women feel like she does in that nudity, even 'idealized' nudity on porn ect. doesn't do anything for and never has. That doesn't help me. I feel let down that yet another thing in my marriage is not how I thought it would be. SOmetimes I feel like there are certain needs in my life that will just never be met and if I want to stay with the woman I love, I'm just going to have to get used to it. Sometimes I wish my wife didn't feel the need to tell me EVERYTHING she's thinking and feeling. I think this little jewel about how my body does nothoing for her she could have saved for her girlfriends. I just didn't need to know.
> I am totally heartbroken at this point. Am I being too sesnative? SHould I just suck it up and accept that there must be SOMETHING that makes my wife love me asnd want me on accation even though I have no idea what that might be? All this had taken a huge hit on my ego, am I in the wrong for that? I'm littlerally choked up over this and feel, just destroyed. Please help.


I think you need to take a big step back and realize that Cosmo is not an authority on your relationship and has nothing to do with this.

Your wife has admitted that she does not want to see you naked, and sex is dwindling - she is seeking validation that a sexless marriage is ok now.

It's not. And there are plenty of women that would find you attractive naked, and would enjoy a relationship that included meeting your needs too. The sooner you realize that and start acting like that, the better off you'll be.


----------



## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

Cosmo isn't the devil, they just have magazines to sell, so they write controversial articles. Watch out for next month's "You have to love your naked husband" article... actually maybe I'll write that one and submit it to them!
Agree with the poster that she's maybe looking for validation for going off sex. I'm sure if it wasn't cosmo she'd have found some article online to validate things too.
So I think you maybe need to get over your feelings of hurt about what she said and focus your energies on discussing your sex life and what can be done to reignite things there.


----------



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

Sorry, I was being ironic with whole comso devil thing. I know that it's not some sort of evil power. I was just trying to be whitty and clever to catch people's eye to read my post, while giving a taste of the subject matter. A headline. Sorry folks. I'll avoid that in future to limit confusion.


----------



## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Cosmo and its ilk are the devil.


----------



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

As for your other comments, yeah, I think maybe my wife is looking for not having sex anymore at all. I cannot live with that. It's pretty much my worst nightmare, and we have talked about it. I really meant it when I said we are still trying to figure it out. She tells me she's still attracted to me and she feel like it might be a chemical or hormonal thing since all her feelings are there, except the urge to have sex, and because things got much harder after my daughter was born. There are complications that come along with child rearing that we are taking into coinsideration, but it's been two years since she was born, and I'm hoping things in that area get better soon.

I am confused about what the first post meant by "And there are plenty of women that would find you attractive naked, and would enjoy a relationship that included meeting your needs too. The sooner you realize that and start acting like that, the better off you'll be." Can you elaborate? eSpecially about what acting like it means? Better off how? Thanks.


----------



## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

Is your wife on the contraceptive pill? My wife had similar hormonal issues when she was using this - still loved me, etc but lost the urge to have sex. She came off the pill and things were great again.


----------



## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

The best thing to do would be to go into the Men's Clubhouse and read the posts on Manning up, Fitness Tests, and Nice Guy reference. There are posters that can explain it better than I can.

If you ever said to a woman "I can't stand to see you naked.", it'd be a death blow of disrespect. So this isn't about you being oversensitive or Cosmo or anything else. It is about respect.

You need to get to a place where you know you deserve respect. And you won't tolerate a disrespectful relationship. You also have needs, and sexual fulfillment is a reasonable need in a marriage. You need to get to a place where you understand not having your needs met is not something you'll tolerate in a relationship.

Once you get there, you stop wondering and doubting yourself when your wife says insensitive stuff like this, and realize it for what it is. Your wife is dictating the terms of your relationship. It's time for you to step up instead of backing down for fear of making waves, and moving the marriage toward being a relationship where both spouses' needs are met.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yeah, I think if a lover ever told me they didn't like to see me naked I'd tell her to wear a blindfold, then I'd whip one out and put it on her, if she tried to take it off I'd tie her hands.

(like I've ever actually done anything like that in real life :/ Hey, you never know, she may respond pretty well to it?)


----------



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

Lon, yeah...not so much. Might get my thumbs broken for trying that manuver, but thanks for the input.

No birth control. She is sensative to it, and we discovered that early on. We wanted kids, so we just didn't use it. Had the number we wanted, now we use condoms. She did breatfeed though, but it's been over a year snce she stopped that. I guess it could still be a factor though.

Acorn, I think you're right. She's in charge and I have felt pretty disrespected in the past. It's hard to talk straight with my wife about it becasue you're right I don't want to make her feel bad. When I talk to her, she gets emotional (read angry), put's up smoke screens, makes it about how hurt she is that I'm making her feel inadequite. She even throws out there how I"m doing this to her while A B and C is going on. As though I'm inconsiderate for now waiting to a more convinient time to have it out with her. Is there ever one? I end up feeling bad and I'm the one that apologizes.

I know I deserve better than that, and I think I could get that from her. She's a very closed off person, and has some baggage. At first it was fun trying to dig in there and get close, and really being the first man n her life who was really interested in her like that. That was all well and good, but now, five years and two kids later, I feel like she still keeps me at arms length about things that are important, while oversharing about things I probably shouldn't know,. I mean, for god's sake, there's a reason why cosmo and GQ and other gender targeted mags exisit. Commiserate about stuff it's hard for the other gender to understand, you know, girl time/ guy time, and never the twain shall meet, yeah? What we have here is a lack of communication!

Ok, now this is turning into a rant, and I"m getting a little warped. I'm sure I've given some wrong impressions in there, but thanks for doing your best to help me out. As with all things in life and relationships, this is so complex. She has a lot of redeeming traits, so much ''je nais se c'set quoi." It helps that she's just so bangin' hot too! I just don't want anyone to think she's a monster. She's not. She's just complicated, and domineering. I guess I'm complicated too. 

I do think your'e right on though in when you said I'd don't make a stand, stay clear, stay focused, and have a deep core of self respect. I mean shoot, it might even be the source of some of our problems. She smells my inner whimp and it's a turn-off. YOu know, maybe Lon isn't so far off that mark, figuratively speaking. I mean, she is a strong woman. Maybe she's waiting for me to be a stronger man? I don't know. Like I said, ranting...

You all have been great so far. Oh, and sorry about punctuation and spelling... I have lots of good ideas, and poor skills with which to express them. Thanks again.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Mat E K said:


> YOu know, maybe Lon isn't so far off that mark, figuratively speaking. I mean, she is a strong woman. Maybe she's waiting for me to be a stronger man? I don't know...


Well, I was half serious about my suggestion, there is some truth behind it but not something that is easy for many to feel comfortable with. But, I definitely suggest NEVER underestimate your W's need to feel dominated (at least in certain ways). You have to pull it off convincingly though.


----------



## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Mat E K said:


> I feel like she still keeps me at arms length about things that are important, while oversharing about things I probably shouldn't know,.


Perhaps she is over-sharing about things you don't want to hear so that she can accomplish her goal of keeping you at arms length.

After all, telling you that she doesn't want to see you naked is not a good step to take in a sexual marriage, but a great move if you want to make someone lose their self esteem and feel bad about their sexuality.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Wives will test you for insecurity, and when you display it she will become non sexual toward you. This is biologically based.

You have to recognize it for this, not as an actual attack on your body, but as a test to determine whether you are man enough for her. Feeling insecure and bad about this comment is to fail that test. Once you realize it is a test, and not a judgement about your body, you lose your insecurity and turn it into security based on the fact that you now know this truth.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Cosmo lies! lolll I love seeing my husband naked. He has a beautiful body.

My girlfriends like seeing their men naked too.

I think Cosmo just likes to stir crap up. Then again, it is written for single people.


----------



## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Time to start working on yourself and your self esteem. Seriously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Cosmo is a piece of crap "literary" magazine (I use the term literary loosely, very freaking loosely).

It always shames me as an author that there are things like Cosmo and writers working there for them. It's not the only mag that is crap either.


----------



## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

Mat E K said:


> It's hard to talk straight with my wife about it becasue you're right I don't want to make her feel bad. When I talk to her, she gets emotional (read angry), put's up smoke screens, makes it about how hurt she is that I'm making her feel inadequite. She even throws out there how I"m doing this to her while A B and C is going on. As though I'm inconsiderate for now waiting to a more convinient time to have it out with her. Is there ever one? I end up feeling bad and I'm the one that apologizes.


This is great, you recognize exactly how she controls you with her anger! The next time she does it remember what you have written here and let go of the moment, stop reacting and start analyzing. You will learn to see how you let her manipulate you while she is in the act of doing it. Once you can see this you will have the power to hold your ground against her and can start demanding she talks straight with you. 

I don't recall where I read this, but someone suggested trying to not say the word "sorry" for an entire day as a kind of educational exercise. I've tried it several times and it's pretty damn enlightening, you become acutely aware of every time you accept the imposition of blame. I think trying to do this could be helpful for you


----------



## Triumph (Oct 8, 2011)

Mat E K said:


> I went with my wife to the doctor the other day. She read cosmo as we waited. On the way home she told me read an article that said that *many women do not like to see thier man naked*. She said she felt relieved because she feels the same way. I was pretty much devistated by that statement.


This made me laugh. Cosmo is funny.


----------



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

"50 ways to seduce a man (in a minute or less)" That is what she was reading. What she chose to discuss with me, rather than the fun bits, was a bullet point in the side bar "A note to guys who try the seduction thing." Maybe I should be heartened by the fact she was read about sedcing men, at least her head is in the right place. Then again, was it me she was thinking of? I am disappointed. I think now more then ever that she trying to tank my confidence in a ploy to stop having sex and make it my fault at the same time. "Oh, you're taking it the wrong way. YOu shouldn't be so insecure." Well, thanks for sending a torpedo of judgement into my dingy of self worth!


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Cosmo is like a lot of things - the contents can be used to justify almost any position the reader feels like taking. Just accept this is the case.

At least your w reads the sex advice articles - a friend of my w is actually too shy to even look at those bits!


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

It could be just as simple as her not knowing what motivates/demotivates you, and just hasn't made a serious attempt to learn about this part of you.

My wife admits that she went into marriage with many assumptions about men. These sometimes prevented her from even making an attempt to get to know some of my confusing quirks. Not that she didn't care - it just didn't occur to her. I wouldn't be surprised if your wife is now really aware of the fact that she needs to learn more about you. The hurtful deflecting comments were just that: deflecting. Maybe take a step back and give it some time. Work on things that you might want to improve physically, and wait for her to notice. See if she takes an interest now.

My wife is very aware of men physically. She doesn't talk about it much, but putting two and two together, I worked on staying in shape. I also focused on grooming. Yet, years later, I found out about a potentially serious medical issue, and I settled into a fugue. Just lost focus on everything. She noticed that my abs were no longer visible, and admitted that 'it turned her off'. Talk about hurt pride. Over time, though, she said that she has always listened when I told her to tell me if I was slipping in some way. She really meant this to be motivating (Okay, you had to be there). When she said that, her plan was to seduce me when I started to work out again.

In your case, though, its just entirely possible that she didn't realize that this would hurt, and something, whether it is shame or confusion over whether it would seem real if she changed her story, keeps her from saying so. But if you try to improve things about you for her benefit, the true test is whether she notices, and how she notices.


----------



## rotor (Aug 28, 2010)

Mat E K said:


> "50 ways to seduce a man (in a minute or less)" That is what she was reading. What she chose to discuss with me, rather than the fun bits, was a bullet point in the side bar "A note to guys who try the seduction thing." Maybe I should be heartened by the fact she was read about sedcing men, at least her head is in the right place. Then again, was it me she was thinking of? I am disappointed. I think now more then ever that she trying to tank my confidence in a ploy to stop having sex and make it my fault at the same time. "Oh, you're taking it the wrong way. YOu shouldn't be so insecure." Well, thanks for sending a torpedo of judgement into my dingy of self worth!


Perhaps I am missing something here but have you ever considered working out? You may not get much of a rise out of her but I can guarantee you will get plenty of positive feedback from other guys complimenting you on your "guns" or telling you that you obviously have the "genes" or "I’m shooting pool with Hercules over there." Or one of my favorites was a guy saying to his girlfriend in a bar "I used to have arms like that 20 years ago." 

You know it’s a bit difficult to have self image problems with that kind of feedback coming in and yes guys do that, it’s sort of the male equivalent of the way females critique each other’s clothing.

Just a thought.

rotor


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

My husband buys Cosmo for me as a joke. Honestly, it makes me laugh and is hard for me to take what's written in there seriously. 

Did you follow up with your wife as to what her comment meant? How do you know that she didn't mean that she is not as stimulated visually? I think many women can be like that. Men can be very stimulated by sight and can look at an attractive women (unclothed or not) and be aroused by that, but I don't think that's as common in women. At least not from my own personal experience.

You are lacking confidence in yourself. Here's my favorite quote about self-confidence, or lack thereof:

_"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt_

Okay, so you need to start to work on yourself so that you can get to the place where you are confident in yourself, where your sense of self and worth is within yourself, and does not depend on anyone else. You get to that kind of place with yourself, and hmmm... you will be very attractive, clothes or not, to your wife.

Think of areas that you could improve upon and then make a plan to improve them, and start to execute that plan. If you need to shed a few pounds, then come up with a plan to do that and execute on it. If you need to get in better physical condition, do the same. Don't tell your wife. Just Do It. If you can start to make some of these changes in yourself - you start to feel good about yourself - and it was all due to ... you. 

Best wishes.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the "Love Busters" and His "Needs Her Needs" books Amazon or local bookstores. Both of you need to read them together.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If your worried about your body image why are you not working on it? Working out isn't that hard and feels great once you get used to it. 

Body hair? There must be a hundred solutions to that problem.


----------



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

All helpful stuff to consider. Thanks everyone. I was working out quite regularly through most of this year. I lost twenty five pounds. My wife noticed, but it didn't really do anything as far as attraction goes, I sort of lost interest after a while, but recently got back on the horse. Thankfully I didn't gain back any wieght, but I"ve lost all the stamina I had built up. Ah well, those are the breaks.

The point I"ve taken home the most, which is the hardest one to swallow, is that maybe I do just need to focus on me. I have a real problem with feeling lonely and being alone. I"ve actually never lived by myself. I went from home, to college dorm life, to appartments with close friends as room mates, to married life, never having really been on my own. I think this has made me a little overly dependent on others for my self worth. Maybe I just need to be distant from my wife for a while and figure out what I need, want, and even stand for. I still feel like what she said was cruel and hurtfull, but clearly I am ill-equipped to deal sensably with these little blow ups because I get so terrified I"m going to lose her if something goes really wrong. That feels like I would lose myself too, and that's obviously not true.

I read in one of the man up threads about NUTS, and realized I don't really have any. My life with my kids adn wife preatty much denfines me. I don't think I mentioned that I'm a stay at home dad and only work on nights and weekends. My wife is the primary bread winner. My job isn't exactly a love of my life kind of job, just pays the bills, so unlike many men, I don't even really have a career as part of my identity.

I don't know. Like I said, I"m stil wounded, and it's probably going to be a while before I aproach my wife about sex or anything. But maybe that's not so bad. I"m over the initial panic of it all, and I;m going to just ride it out. Keeo to myself, do some thinking and reading, see if I can't find some center and peace about all everything we've been talking about.

Again, thank you for all the help. Crowd-sourced therapy. Good stuff.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

i don't really think it's about self-image.

If my husband said he doesnt like seeing me naked...even though I think I look good naked, eat right, have lost a ton of weight, I would be crushed. Absolutely crushed.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

You might like the following book:

Amazon.com: Hold on to Your NUTs: The Relationship Manual for Men (9780979054402): Wayne M. Levine: Books

There's also a website associated with it (bettermen.org).

Best wishes.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Mat E K said:


> All helpful stuff to consider. Thanks everyone. I was working out quite regularly through most of this year. I lost twenty five pounds. My wife noticed, but it didn't really do anything as far as attraction goes, I sort of lost interest after a while, but recently got back on the horse. Thankfully I didn't gain back any wieght, but I"ve lost all the stamina I had built up. Ah well, those are the breaks.
> 
> The point I"ve taken home the most, which is the hardest one to swallow, is that maybe I do just need to focus on me. I have a real problem with feeling lonely and being alone. I"ve actually never lived by myself. I went from home, to college dorm life, to appartments with close friends as room mates, to married life, never having really been on my own. I think this has made me a little overly dependent on others for my self worth. Maybe I just need to be distant from my wife for a while and figure out what I need, want, and even stand for. I still feel like what she said was cruel and hurtfull, but clearly I am ill-equipped to deal sensably with these little blow ups because I get so terrified I"m going to lose her if something goes really wrong. That feels like I would lose myself too, and that's obviously not true.
> 
> ...



Obviuosly not having a "real " job is giving you problems. This is another problem you can do something about. Never be dependent, it simply isn't manly or acceptable. Not that a woman will necessarily tell you. Its like the "does my butt look big in these pants?" dilemma.


----------



## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

Hope you can work it all out


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

chapparal said:


> If your worried about your body image why are you not working on it? Working out isn't that hard and feels great once you get used to it.


With respect this is total cobblers. I've been fitness training my entire life and if it doesn't feel like you're working hard you aren't doing much good. If you're drifting through it (i.e. it feels easy), then the amount of progress and the rate of progress you will make is going to be very, very small.


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Mat E K said:


> I sort of lost interest after a while, but recently got back on the horse. Thankfully I didn't gain back any wieght, but I"ve lost all the stamina I had built up. Ah well, those are the breaks.


Welcome to the uncomfortable truth that you _will_ lose fitness unless you exercise all the time. Sorry, there isn't an easy way to put it...:smthumbup:


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> With respect this is total cobblers. I've been fitness training my entire life and if it doesn't feel like you're working hard you aren't doing much good. If you're drifting through it (i.e. it feels easy), then the amount of progress and the rate of progress you will make is going to be very, very small.


I not trying to "progress" , I'm trying to maintain and keep from degenerating. LOL Working out makes me feel good and gives me a buzz and an attitude uplift that usually lasts a long time, even through the next day.

Some peole are born luckier than others.

Weight loss mainly depends on diet(or worry) and have no idea what it would take OP to get where he needs to be. However, I don't discourage people trying to give an effort.


----------



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

Wow, this quiet a digretion of the original topic, but oh well. I don't feel so sore about it anymore, so why not? I know what Beans is saying about feeling the burn and pushing to the next level. I have not been fitness training my whole life. In fact, now in my early thirties I could my whoop my teenaged selfs's rear at the mile run and possibly even sprinting. But I am a long way from satisfied. My best mile was just under eight minutes. Not great, but not horrendous either. I think I topped off at an abismal fifteen minutes in highschool.

I don't mind working out, and it does feel good after you get into the swing. I have a slight medical condition that gets in the way sometimes, but it's no big deal. It's gout. It can be controled with diet, but if I eat the wrong things, my joints get enflamed and can even get damaged over time. My big toes get it the worst, swelling and buring. That's how I ended up dropping off last time. I ate something I didn't know was on the list of no-nos, and got really hurt. I couldn't run for a while, and even my yoga and total body routines were paintful. After about a week I was just out of the swing, and BAM! Before I knew it weeks had gone by.

Getting back into it now. Started yoga again and doing a little lifting. We'll see how it goes. Winter is setting in, so it'll be tough to get aerobics in there. Again, thanks for the input. This had been a good experiance overall. You all got me over a pretty serious hump.


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Mat E K said:


> Getting back into it now. Started yoga again and doing a little lifting. We'll see how it goes. Winter is setting in, so it'll be tough to get aerobics in there. Again, thanks for the input. This had been a good experiance overall. You all got me over a pretty serious hump.


If you're sufering regular gout attacks, ask about allopurinol - it acts as a preventer. My old man has been on it for years. Even with a good, controlled diet, it nearly crippled him, especially in the winter when the cold causes crystals to grow better in the (cooler) extremities. Old chemist's trick - to grow more crytals, cool your solution. Unfortunately it works on finger and toes too

For winter aerobics, get an exercise bike. Indoors, minimal space requirement, pick up cheap somewhere like fleabay second-hand - what's to not like?


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Sorry but the you can work out until you're a fitness model and you'll still have the same issues.

If you've internalized your self esteem problems you have to fix your how you see yoursefl..NOT how you look. It doesn't work the other way around.

You need to go analytical here and try to figure out if your self-esteem issues aren't being caused in part by how your wife views you sexually. A wife not interested in sex can have a HUGE impact on a mans confidence.


----------



## Mat E K (Oct 28, 2011)

Yeah, that's true, and it's totally what's happened to me. But the hope is that I can break away from the cycle, and not let my wife's opinion effect me as much. By building some achievements of my own, independant of what my wife thinks, I can feel better about myself. My wife's careless comments shouldn't bother me as much. Right? That's the general idea?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Statistically speaking, the article is right. 
But given that knowledge about your wife's preferences which you can do nothing about, what can you do? You can find out what sort of boxers or other clothing she might like and accommodate to get what you would like. There is absolutely no sense in continuing to do something that will turn her off if her getting aroused with the status quo is a problem. Bear in mind that she could be deflecting, in that she doesn't get turned on when she sees her own body, or has a problem with you getting turned on by seeing her naked...that is, she could just be leery of nakedness in the first place, for whatever reason likely due to her upbringing. 

There is some advice for dealing with problems that kids create and that is avoid triggers and ignore negative responses. So, get yourself some sexy duds and forget what she said about the male body naked...it's probably not just you. 

Finally, consider what she was reading in the first place. EVERY single photo of a sexy man in that magazine has, with the exception of their pen*s issue somewhere around 1989/1990, has men with clothing on, and it is the way they wear the clothing that makes them sexy. Sooooooo, right, your wife has been conditioned by her reading material and viewing material and exposure to men (or lack thereof, literally) to be turned on by looking a photos of men deemed to be desirable, all of whom are wearing you guessed it - CLOTHING. 

My H is very manly looking without clothing...and he likes to be without but I like him in boxers too. Sometimes it's like a gift, it needs some pretty wrapping.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Gotta say most people look much better with their clothes on. I mean that's the point OF fashion.


----------



## Jasminaa (Nov 2, 2011)

Your story reminds me of several episodes of That 70's show when Kitty would always get sex tips from Cosmo and the Red would get all awkward after she shared them.


----------

