# First my wife, now me...am i wrong for feeling this way?



## cookw06 (May 14, 2010)

Sorry for the long story to come but to truly understand i have to tell where it started. My wife and i have been wanting children for the last 4 years and have been unsuccessful. We found out she was later diagnosed with PCOS. I understand that this is traumatic for a woman and i was there for my wife then and still am now. In january 2009 was when she found out it was going to be a struggle for us but it was possible. I reassured her that i would do anything it takes to have a child with her. And i even tild her worst case scenario we could adopt. I love her and was willing to go through anything. A few months passed and i thought things were great between us. (btw we have been together since 2000). In may of 2009 she dropped a bomb on me. She said she wasnt sure about our relationship and our marriage. She wasnt sure how she felt about me, what she wanted in life, etc. She blamed me for alot of hings that happened in the past. She was willing to try to fix it even though she didnt know how she felt. She went to a psychiatrist (which in my opinion made things worse) and i was by her side the whole time. I wasnt sure what to do myself. I was listening to advice from everyone and get mixed advice from everyone. I even had my wife's mother tell me she would undstand if i left. I decided to stay because i love her. Before all of this happened we planned a vacation to visit family in california during july 4th. Well when that came up and she was still going through this issue, she decided to go out 2 weeks earlier than me (she is a school teacher so she has summers off). I agreed thinking the time apart would help. Those two weeks i was lost. I refused to contact her. I wanted to give her space and let her clear her head. But nevertheless she called me every day and that felt good. 2 weeks later i head out to visit and it was great to see h again. I missed her. I was lost without her those 2 weeks. When i got there, we had a great first night. We spent all night having great sex, something we didnt do for 4 months. The week was nice and she said she loved me and apologized and thanked me for staying beside her but i couldnt help but be hurt and angry at her for putting me through all of that. One day there in california we argued and i brought this issue up. Well it finally came out that it all stemmed from not being able to get pregnant. We still yelled and argued and i still felt hurt that i went through all of this just be ause she wouldnt talk to her husband. After we come home from california, things were going better but i was still sore about the situation. Well a few weeks lat she was going through withdrawals of immediate family. Because of everything going on she felt the need to go to ny to see her mom. It just so happens that the only time she could go was during our 3 year wedding anniversary in august. I was cool with it and she went. She came back and things were back to normal. Life was great.

fast forward a few months. December 2009 came and i told her all i wanted for xmas was to start going to fertility doctors. The next few months we did just thatand life was good. No luck, unfortunately, so we stopped because of finances in march or april of 2010. We we going broke with the costs. We decided we would wait til the summer when she wasnt working and we hopefully would have more money. Summer. Came and we couldve started back up but we didnt. Life was good even though we argued a bit about it. She told me she was upset about the issue and said we will have to save money and start back up then. Well until now we could never really save. We lived paycheck to paycheck for the last 4 years. Since that point i kept telling her that i was willing to go broke to have a child but she refused. Well for most of 2011 i started feeling differently. Our sex life diminished quite a bit. Down to having sex to about once or twice a month and everytime i brought up the baby issue she said she didnt want to talk about it and that was the end of it. Well september this year came and i turned 30. This hit me hard and i tried telling my wife and she wouldnt recognize it. Well i let the last few months pass trying not to let it bother me. Well lately it has. More than before. Timing is horrible. I have noticed that everyone of my firends single or married is either now pregnant or has just had there first baby. Everyone. Wtf lol. Today for some reason it got to me again. My wife thought she did something and i kept quiet today. Finally she got it out of me and just like every other time she looked passed it. 

Well after telling everything, my question is what do i do? I truly am at a loss. This is something that bothers me quite a bit and i am tired of her not wanting to talk about it. 2 weeks ago i flat out said i wanted to talk about it and she said no. Overall, our relationship has been great the last few months. She constantly says she loves me, sex is back up to speed, etc. I do not know what to do. I cannot get her to talk to me about it. I know it is a sore subject for women but time is not stopping and even though though she is 3 years younger than me, im not getting any younger. Thanks for your help.
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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I cant see any solution. You want a child and she cant have one only with great expense which you cannot afford. I get the feeling she is scared of losing you and therefore will not discuss it. Although I cant really see what there is to discuss. Have you thought of adoption at least for the time being.


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