# Why can't I control my emotions?



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

my lawyer is annoyed at me because she got a letter from his lawyer that I was harrassing him and threatening to destroy his personal property.

I feel like he is pushing my buttons on purpose, and I don't understand after all he has done (1.5 year affair) and all the years we've been married, he can treat me so mean and cold. Did he expect me NOT to be angry and hurt.... I am supposed to just shut up and take whatever he dishes out to me?

I hate this... I never wanted to be here, but now I just want it to be over. I wish he'd just dissappear.


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## RelationshipGuru (Nov 14, 2011)

You are experiencing Change, and it is normal to feel uncomfortable.
The good news is that your healing process has already been started, these negative feelings: anger, grief and discomfort are the signs of the transformation has begun.
You are rejecting this Change because you love your Comfort Zone and you get used to it. Now it's your time to change and to grow. 
Accepting the situation will help you, just admit it, live it fully, feel your emotions even if they are negative. Try to talk to your anger.
Identify the anger subject matter, assign a specific method of release (kick-boxing, dancing, walking, running, journaling, guided meditation etc). You will feel better, I promise.
It is not possible from now to suddenly feel great. But it is possible from now on to feel a little bit better. Your job is to make that effort which will bring you to that "a little bit" better feeling. How? Do what you like and love to do, what is pleasant for you, anything that makes you feel better. (no harmful for anyone else)
To control your emotions is not difficult ability. And you are able to do that, no doubt. Make a decision that from now on you are going to feel better no matter what. And see what happens. There is a lot of different ways to work on it, like meditations, positive affirmations, writing, speaking, watching comedies etc. Choose any you like.
But be consistent and insist on feeling better. Invent a new daily mantra like "I am grateful for that lesson", or " I totally accept the situation" or " Everything is done for the better" or "I am feeling better now" or choose your words, and you will see the changes.
In this way you will learn how to manage your emotions.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Thank you... I just want one day of now having to cry, one darn day. I feel like nobody understands how much this hurts.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

lisa3girls said:


> Thank you... I just want one day of now having to cry, one darn day. I feel like nobody understands how much this hurts.


A lot of people understand - its just hard to communicate fully through an internet forum.

Did you actually threaten to destroy his personal property?!?! Probably not a good thing...

Your emotional reaction to things will fade with time and as you start to re-fill that hole in your heart with other things that you love.

Hang in there.


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## RelationshipGuru (Nov 14, 2011)

You are taken by your emotions, so live them fully. Do not reject them.By harming someone else you show your rejection. Accept your anger.Be with it, listen to it.It has something to tell you, so listen carefully because as soon as you will listen to it and as soon as you will accept everything what it will be telling you, it will leave. That is just another lesson. Painful enough to make you remember it and avoid repetitions. 
Your emotions will not kill you.Sit with them.Own them. Be present.If you want to cry, you cry. It will help you. If you need to talk, you talk. Then you will be on the next stage of the process. With time it will end and you will feel better.At first you will feel just a little bit better, then if you'll work on it, just a little bit more and than more and then even more etc.Gradually it will take you to the exit.
Blessings,


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Did you actually threaten to destroy his personal property?!?! Probably not a good thing...
> 
> Hang in there.


Well, I implied I might thow it in the trash.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If he moved out, then he should MOVE OUT. Sorry, your place isn't a storage bin.

And you should take a day to cry and get it out as much as you can.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

lisa3girls said:


> Well, I implied I might thow it in the trash.


:smthumbup:

I totally understand! But I'm sure you know that you can't do that! (you do understand that - right?) 

Do some reading on "detachment" if you haven't done so already. Right or wrong - its just where you are - but you still have a lot of "passion" about your H - otherwise, why threaten to destroy his stuff - right?

You have to learn to let go and decide for yourself that its just time to move on.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Yes, I do... he has had apparently a long time to disengage, but I haven't. I wanted to hurt him I guess, as he is hurting me.


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## lostncgirl (Nov 21, 2011)

I Understand. I feel the same emotions right now. Its a helpless feeling. One minute your ok, the next your angry, the next your just lost. You find yourself in bed at night crying, and can't stop thinking. One minute you would give anything for him to walk back in the door. the next your would slam it in his face.

its so hard, I know I feel the same way.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

lisa3girls said:


> Yes, I do... he has had apparently a long time to disengage, but I haven't. I wanted to hurt him I guess, as he is hurting me.


I started doing so much better when I gave up on any ideas of "fairness" and "revenge." A phrase often in my head is that life's good, but it's not always fair.

Even in the courts - there is no real penalty for a cheating spouse (not even sure if yours cheated - just an example).

The other thing that stuck with me - I could have never hurt her like she did me. Because when she hurt me - I was NOWHERE in her thoughts. Her actions had nothing to do with ME. But you trying to hurt him intentionally just further proves to him that he's still the center of the universe. Does that make sense?

Moving on and being happy is the best choice you can make. Although its so much easier said than done...


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

He did... 1.5 year affair, while I was working and supporting him.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

And you have every reason in the world to be mad.

Except that kind of anger eats you up inside. Literally. You have to let it go somehow...


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Your emotions are fine. As there are many of us here that fully support you during this tough time in your life. Better days wait ahead. 

Enjoy a nice Thanksgiving with your kids. Watch them smile while they spend time with you.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> And you have every reason in the world to be mad.
> 
> Except that kind of anger eats you up inside. Literally. You have to let it go somehow...


I guess that he seems not to acknowlege that is killing me.... good grief, I was your wife for 23 years and the mother of your children and you cannot see why I might be losing it a little over what you are doing???


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

lisa3girls said:


> I guess that he seems not to acknowlege that is killing me.... good grief, I was your wife for 23 years and the mother of your children and you cannot see why I might be losing it a little over what you are doing???


People who have affairs become incredibly selfish. It has little or nothing to do with you.

And if he really cared about how you felt - he wouldn't have done this in the first place.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> People who have affairs become incredibly selfish. It has little or nothing to do with you.
> 
> And if he really cared about how you felt - he wouldn't have done this in the first place.


I know, and that really stings


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