# Relationship ran its course?



## calitanagal (Jan 10, 2012)

This is quite the introduction I am sure, but I didn't find a "Hello, My Name is..." catergory, so here goes. My name is Jen and I have been in a relationship/common law marriage for almost 14 years. Three children, all the trimmings and trappings that go with it...we have seen it all and then some. Infidelity on his part that resulted in a child born to another woman, deaths of close loved ones and friends, an unexpected pregnancy after our family was complete that ended in the mutual decision to place for adoption. You would think if the relationship was going to tank, it would have before now. But, recently, I feel like we are just doing the motions for the sake of our children and friends and family. We have an active sex life, we talk when we can (working opposite shifts), have alone time if we want it. There isn't any fighting, resentment, anger... there's nothing. Is it possible that we have just run our course?


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Wow, he had a child with another woman? That would be a lot to forgive, but I'm assuming you have since you there is no resentment.

I kind of wish this was my situation, I'd love to not feel the anger I do for my husband, and just have peace.

My suggestion for you would be to put more into the relationship and see if you can reignite a spark. The only thing I can take from this post is that you might just feel bored. Try to switch things up a little. Often, those feelings of love come from what you actually give to a relationship.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Opposite shifts isn't helping keep it on course.

You can't possibly spend enough quality for a romantic relationship if you are not able to hang out with each other often (sex only counts a bit towards that). There obviously is connection missing.

And how did the involvment with other women happen? Were you on opposite shifts then?

Perhaps you don't want to work on romance though with the major issues you have weathered already.


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## calitanagal (Jan 10, 2012)

The other woman was a moment of stupidity and weakness with an ex-girlfriend from high school that I have forgiven and bear no ill will towards the child. We have little interaction with him because of distance and his mother's wishes (she is still married), so that could be why it is has been easier to live with. I was a stay-at-home mom and pregnant with our youngest daughter when it happened, so work had nothing to do with it. (Our kids are 12, 6, and 4.) 

Lack of passion in life in general has been a thorn in my side as of late. I have been seeing a counselor independently, trying to work through some personal issues around the adoption (mommy guilt issues mostly) but it is something that we talk about openly so if it plays into it, I am not sure how else we could deal with it.

I guess it is possible that I am just done after all that has happened, but I really don't feel angry or hurt by him. 

Would separation be a good thing for us? Not as a way to go out and find someone else and move on but to see if we actually miss each other being around? 

Ironically I went back to work so that we would spend less time together as we seemed to be in a lull. I figured the time apart would make us want to spend what time we had together, but it hasn't changed the dynamics really. Just given me two jobs (kids and house-outside job). 

Thanks for listening. It helps to talk to someone other than my girlfriends who think the answer to everything is a trip to Vegas.


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