# Question for the ladies



## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

I would like feedback from the ladies regarding my situation. I am divorcing my wife. We are delaying the divorce for two years. I will live in the in-law apartment of my house which is totally separate from the rest of the house. We are drawing up a post nup/divorce agreement now. There is no intimacy between my wife and myself. We are friends and nothing more...with the common ground being our children. I am doing this to allow my wife to finish her degree and get a good job so when the time comes she can be in a better position to provide for herself and our children who will be living with her most of the time. 

My question is this - I want to begin dating other women. My wife and I have agreed to this..she is free to do what she wants as am I. 

So...I would like the women on this board to give me feedback. How would you feel about meeting someone in my situation? Would it matter if I was fully divorced now vs 2 years from now. Would you have a problem with me living in the same house with my family? 

All feedback (good and bad) is welcome. I've got really thick skin...lol!


Thanks.

:scratchhead:


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I would not touch a married man with a 10 foot pole regardless of the circumstances. But there are plenty who will.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I would not touch a married man with a 10 foot pole regardless of the circumstances. But there are plenty who will.


ME EITHER. I would veiw your situation as a drink or two away from your and your wife havng sex. Or a moment or two away from you realizing you really want to be together. It seems to unfinished and unstable for me to want to get into a situation like that.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

So...if I was divorced now but living under the same roof with my family would it matter? And regarding the statement about being a drink or two away from your and your wife havng sex...that could be true if we are divorced and living apart.

I appreciate the feedback...love to hear more.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You are 'toxic' if you are separated, and still in effect living with your ex. 

Your best and arguably only bet would be to find a woman looking to dissolve, or in the process of dissolving her own marriage - which makes her toxic too. 

In most peoples eyes, you simply aren't 'finished' with your ex, no matter what brush you try to paint it with.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

oi81248 said:


> So...if I was divorced now but living under the same roof with my family would it matter? And regarding the statement about being a drink or two away from your and your wife havng sex...that could be true if we are divorced and living apart.
> 
> I appreciate the feedback...love to hear more.


as long as you are living with a woman you used to love have sex with and share other intimate moments of married like there is always a chance of rekindling. However far away from the truth the reality is, the appearance of intimacy (not sex) would turn me off


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

As long as you were in any way still attached; not divorced, living together... WHATEVER, I would not consider you a safe bet.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

Deejo said:


> You are 'toxic' if you are separated, and still in effect living with your ex.
> 
> Your best and arguably only bet would be to find a woman looking to dissolve, or in the process of dissolving her own marriage - which makes her toxic too.
> 
> In most peoples eyes, you simply aren't 'finished' with your ex, no matter what brush you try to paint it with.




Actually....its my wife who is toxic. She cheated on me for 2.5 years. I'm doing this for my children first and foremost. There isn't any drama between my wife and myself. In a perfect world I would be divorced now and out on my own...I tolerate her presence at best for the sake of my children. You would be surprised how many people are in the same situation as I am. 

Please keep the opinions coming...most appreciated!!

:smthumbup:


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I don't think I'd be comfortable with it. But again, there are plenty of women who wouldn't care. And please, for the sake of honesty, don't hide the fact that you're still married and living with your family. But ask yourself this...would you want to date a woman that has no qualms about touching a married man living with his family even though he says it's over? Just food for thought. I think most decent women would wonder about the chances of you rekindling your love and see it as cheating and not want to believe what a guy in that circumstance says. I'm just saying, that once you're back in the game, your view on this might change. But there's no harm in trying, right?

Also I'm curious as to why actually staying married helps her finish her degree and get a job? I understand you staying in the separate MIL apt, and being able to financially help out, and I guess for insurance reasons. I wish you luck.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

geez....over 100 women looked at this and only a couple of replies. come on ladies....talk to me....pretty please?


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> I don't think I'd be comfortable with it. But again, there are plenty of women who wouldn't care. And please, for the sake of honesty, don't hide the fact that you're still married and living with your family. But ask yourself this...would you want to date a woman that has no qualms about touching a married man living with his family even though he says it's over? Just food for thought. I think most decent women would wonder about the chances of you rekindling your love and see it as cheating and not want to believe what a guy in that circumstance says. I'm just saying, that once you're back in the game, your view on this might change. But there's no harm in trying, right?
> 
> Also I'm curious as to why actually staying married helps her finish her degree and get a job? I understand you staying in the separate MIL apt, and being able to financially help out, and I guess for insurance reasons. I wish you luck.


I do not plan to hide anything. In fact my situation may change if this arrangement prevents me from moving on.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Simple. You can be very attractive no matter what your condition you're at now as long as you are:
1. Looking good.
2. Have a good pay job. Lots of cash to be spent.
3. Have a nice car to go around.
4. Able to afford romantic some dinners and gifts.
5. Happy, Funny, confident.
Then, I assure you most girls would have less problems to be picked up and dated by you!
However, living with your family is a problem.
It's better for you to get your own place at a private condo. Make sure it looks nice. Nice furnished, nice bathroom, nice bedroom with a comfortable king sized bed... You know, so girls can feel free to have fun with you, going around your house, naked.
Hope it helps!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Simple. You can be very attractive no matter what your condition you're at now as long as you are:
> 1. Looking good.
> 2. Have a good pay job. Lots of cash to be spent.
> 3. Have a nice car to go around.
> ...


Being sarcastic are we? So...anyone else want to make light of my situation? Be my guest. I'm trying to the right things for my daughters first and foremost by giving my wife a chance to be in a better situation to live on her own. I guess there are a lot of bitter women on this site...women who perhaps doubt what I am saying? Everything I have said is the God's honest truth.


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## ChrisInNOVA (Jan 3, 2011)

oi81248,

You received many views and few replies because of something vthomeschoolmom touched on. Re-read her post.

You need to wait until your life is in order before you begin dating again. You have children for Chrst's sake.

Think about this: *You are still living with your family & want to know how to go about finding Miss New Booty.*

That you would post this, indicates to me that you lack a certain perspective required for moving on and finding a healthy relationship. No doubt your next girlfriend or wife will simply be a "jump off" or a "transition woman" who you will eventually leave behind. Hopefully there will not be children there for that.

Your wife cheated on you?

Do you know how unhappy a wife has to be...how bad things have to be... before she would cheat?

You need therapy.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

ChrisInNOVA said:


> oi81248,
> 
> You received many views and few replies because of something vthomeschoolmom touched on. Re-read her post.
> 
> ...


I have been in therapy for over a year. I was unhappy with my wife too...but I didn't cheat...had many oppurtunies. And if I were to tell you just how far my wife sank...you would realize that what she did had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her...maybe you should see a therapist. 

I am not looking for a 'booty call'. I am 46 years old and I know exactly what I want...a healthy ltr. And I would not bring a new woman into my children's lives until I was sure that the relationship was the real deal. And yes..I could do that living in the in-law apartment...it has a private entrance. 

My perspective is very clear and I know exactly what I want. I seem to be getting a lot of negative feedback for trying to give my wife a break and help her out. Its either help her or she moves to her mothers house which is out of state...5 hours away.

Let's keep it coming ladies....I appreciate the feedback..good or bad.


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## ChrisInNOVA (Jan 3, 2011)

Miss New booty = The next chick, not a booty call....you are looking to date for WHILE STILL LIVING WITH YOUR FAMILY. This has nothing to do with giving you wife any sort of "break."

How in the heck can you have a healthy ltr when you're not done with this one?

You're older, but you still have some maturing to do.

What advice did your therapist give you when you asked him / her this question?

Just curious.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

ChrisInNOVA said:


> Miss New booty = The next chick, not a booty call....you are looking to date for WHILE STILL LIVING WITH YOUR FAMILY. This has nothing to do with giving you wife any sort of "break."
> 
> How in the heck can you have a healthy ltr when you're not done with this one?
> 
> ...


my therapist was good with this. he said as long as the boundaries were fully established and everyone was onboard...no problem.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I wouldn't touch you with someone else's 10ft. pole, in all honesty. Not only b/c of the fact that you're not divorced yet (did I read that right? I get confused easily sometimes), but your living arrangements wouldn't set well with me either, even if you were divorced. You would have to have been divorced (as in ink dry on the papers) for at least a year before I'd even consider dating you, and then only if your living arrangements weren't as they are right now. And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

major misfit said:


> I wouldn't touch you with someone else's 10ft. pole, in all honesty. Not only b/c of the fact that you're not divorced yet (did I read that right? I get confused easily sometimes), but your living arrangements wouldn't set well with me either, even if you were divorced. You would have to have been divorced (as in ink dry on the papers) for at least a year before I'd even consider dating you, and then only if your living arrangements weren't as they are right now. And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.


Thanks for the feedback.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

oi81248 said:


> Being sarcastic are we? So...anyone else want to make light of my situation? Be my guest. I'm trying to the right things for my daughters first and foremost by giving my wife a chance to be in a better situation to live on her own. I guess there are a lot of bitter women on this site...women who perhaps doubt what I am saying? Everything I have said is the God's honest truth.


how bad will her situation be if you no longer lived there and shared expenses? if she cant care for you girls why dont you have them and she get an apartment. there seem to be so many other things you could do besides what your doing. take into consiideration i make that statement with the information you have given us here.

why are you really sticking around? especially with a wife who cheated on you.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Why live in your in law's apartment?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChrisInNOVA (Jan 3, 2011)

oi81248 said:


> my therapist was good with this. he said as long as the boundaries were fully established and everyone was onboard...no problem.




Jesus - get a new therapist.

Pronto.

If what that therapist said was true, why are you here asking about it?

It's because on some level you know full well that no woman worth anything will want to tangle herself up with a man in your situation.

What advice would you give your daughter if she were presented with dating a man like you & she asked you what you thought about it?


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I honestly would think you were a cheater, and a liar. I would think that you had the wife tucked away at home while dating me. Therefore I would not date you. Or I would think you had an open marriage, and still would not date you.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

oi81248 said:


> I would like feedback from the ladies regarding my situation. I am divorcing my wife. We are delaying the divorce for two years. I will live in the in-law apartment of my house which is totally separate from the rest of the house. We are drawing up a post nup/divorce agreement now. There is no intimacy between my wife and myself. We are friends and nothing more...with the common ground being our children. I am doing this to allow my wife to finish her degree and get a good job so when the time comes she can be in a better position to provide for herself and our children who will be living with her most of the time.
> 
> My question is this - I want to begin dating other women. My wife and I have agreed to this..she is free to do what she wants as am I.
> 
> ...


I would never date someone who was still liviing with his ex wife. There is often a lot of unfinished emotional business after a divorce.
I also think that it shows respect and class, to wait until you live separately. Why flaunt your single status to your ex?


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I'd be ok with it IF you signed an open marriage agreement; in other words, your agreement with your wife was legal and written down. I wouldn't believe it necessarily if someone just said "oh yea, my wife says it's ok." (yeah, right...)


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## kipper (Jan 12, 2011)

Well FOR SURE I would not bring someone back to your completely seperate bachelor pad, cause no matter what, your ex will find out and I GUARANBLOODYTEE YOU that no matter what she has done herself or has said about her liberal attitude there will be hell to pay and your kids will be caught in the crossfire...and you will be the demon.

So - play away from home.


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## sailorgirl (Jun 9, 2010)

If I was a single woman looking for a serious relationship I wold not date a man who was living in the in-laws apartment even if he was divorced. It would feel to awkward for me. I couldn't relax knowing the wife, soon to be ex wife or es-wife was next door.


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## Shelda (Dec 11, 2008)

I think a person needs time maybe as long as two years to "get over" the relationship you have had with your soon to be ex.There needs to be grieving first before you jump right back into the "same "relationship that you were/are in.Why don't you cool your heels for awhile.


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## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

OK Chris, I asked my wife how she would feel. She feels that no matter if your still married or not, your still too close to your wife with this kind of situation. Being around your family along with the possibility of something happening between you and your wife would just be too much for her. 
Sorry bud, I tried to argue your side but I just got the head shake.
Best of luck to you.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

Whatshisname said:


> OK Chris, I asked my wife how she would feel. She feels that no matter if your still married or not, your still too close to your wife with this kind of situation. Being around your family along with the possibility of something happening between you and your wife would just be too much for her.
> Sorry bud, I tried to argue your side but I just got the head shake.
> Best of luck to you.


UPDATE

Its me...the guy who started this thread. I am moving out of the house into my own apartment today. Still going to delay the divorce for 1-2 years. Have Marital Separation agreement and terms of divorce signed and sealed. 

Thanks to everyone for your feedback


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

OP, you have been hostile to the people responding--not a good sign. Think about that, please.

I "get" your situation and I understand why you feel it's not such a big deal. Because of my ex's incredible dependency, I'm in a similar boat. I understand how these situations could arise. 

But you asked how others would perceive your situation and, frankly, you got very honest answers: they would perceive someone in your situation as having unfinished business and not a good risk. So why the hostility on your part?


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

I would love to say that you will not find a woman that will go for that but you will. You could find a woman that would go for you full on married and hiding it from your wife... (hence the bitter women)
Just as I had no problems having an affair with a married man...

Sounds to me like you were looking for us to say you are a nice guy to give her such a boost and help her out after she hurt you so. Sounds like you would like to hear about how you were so great not to cheat on her. I can't really do this since I can't feel your situation. Also sounds like you have your dating lines ready and they read alright. You will be trolling for a certain type of catch with this bait but it IS viable bait and will likely work.

As for my blessing, sure you can have it  Just know what you are putting out there.


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