# A friend......



## adanac1 (Feb 5, 2013)

I am not sure where to start....
I have a friend, fairly close and someone I trust and she trusts me...I think....
She has confided in me that she is leaving her husband after 7 years....based upon his infidelities and how he treats her..
She has always been an independent woman and one who has had to make many decisions on her own for years.

We had coffee just before Christmas when she was going through the final stages of making her decision to leave...I believe.

She dropped a bomb shell on me that I did not respond to immediately as I was in shock....She said she had gone to her sisters and while at her sisters she had taken a bottle of pills and had to be rushed to the hospital...She told me she had me listed as an emergency contact....I was not sure why I was listed as an emergency contact as she had family and a husband who knew more about things then I do...Any how.

She also told me that she had gone to a councilor for help because that experience really scared her...Thank goodness I thought...I am not sure if she is still getting the help..

She then said she still wanted me to still be a friend in her life but that she needed to do things on her own...

We have texted once or twice since but I am at a loss as to what to do as our messages are not very informative.

Do I let her sort things out and hopefully she is getting the help she needs or do I try to reach out to her on a regular basis to see how she is doing and to continue to reinforce that a friend is close.
She told me just after new Years that she will talk to me "soon" and then a recent text said "it might be a while before I see or talk you again" When asked she said..."some things change"

I am not sure if that means....

I care deeply for this friend and that is all she is....a Friend!

I am someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, this action of going off the grid scares me...and as I can not relate or know what she might be going through...I do not know what the right action is...

She is not answering phone calls and I have not approached her at work....

Should I just back off and let her sort it out or continue to try and reach out to her.

I have also sent flowers ( friendship bouquet) which she responded to with a "thank you", telling her that she has a shoulder to lean on if she needs one....

She does not have a large group of friends near by and has one sister who is also going through a separation...She has apparently moved into her sisters home, not the same sister where she took the pills but the one sister who is going through a separation as well.

Please can I ask for some feedback from the ladies....If you can shed some light I would be much appreciated...
Yes I am at a loss....


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

As a guy, I'm going to ask if you have an motivation in all of this based on your feelings for her? I know you say "just a friend", I would certainly keep it that way, even if she were to be divorced, etc. Telling you from personal experience, depression/anxiety in one person in a relationship can cause you to suffer from the same issues.

I wear my heart on my sleeve also  Not always a bad thing, although I do wish I could have better control of my emotions sometimes.


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## adanac1 (Feb 5, 2013)

My motives are to continue to be a friend....There were at one point a hint of an intimate attraction but we both felt the friendship is worth more...and was discussed at length to ensure we were on the same page.

I am feeling the anxiety as she has completely gone away...I just want her to feel better about herself and heal....I just need to know if by staying away and not trying to communicate with her is better or to try and keep reinforcing to her that a friend is near...
I am leaning toward the let her come to me when and if she wants to talk....


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

adanac1 said:


> My motives are to continue to be a friend....There were at one point a hint of an intimate attraction but we both felt the friendship is worth more...and was discussed at length to ensure we were on the same page.
> 
> I am feeling the anxiety as she has completely gone away...I just want her to feel better about herself and heal....I just need to know if by staying away and not trying to communicate with her is better or to try and keep reinforcing to her that a friend is near...
> I am leaning toward the let her come to
> me when and if she wants to talk....


Well, she is pushing you away so stay away.

She may be trting to reconcile eith her husband.
If that is so, a true friend would back off.
Or she may be telling u the truth and needs to do things on her own.

Sometimes the married person chooses the spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## adanac1 (Feb 5, 2013)

update...
I have heard from another friend (close to her sister) that she has now moved out and has bought a home on her own...she has not contacted me since early January and I am nervous that I am being tossed out with the bath water per say because of what her husband did....
She has also shut down her facebook page also....
Not sure what a friend is to do...I guess I am not that close if she has not reached out.
Is this a possible coping behavior to try and get her life back in order after separation...I can not relate to her feelings or situation...She is the one that left the relationship


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

She's got a boyfriend...so yeah - she's tossing you out like the bath water.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

old timer said:


> She's got a boyfriend...so yeah - she's tossing you out like the bath water.


What makes you think she has a boyfriend?


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> What makes you think she has a boyfriend?


I had the same question.

Possibly trying to rectify with her spouse, but I didn't see anything that screamed boyfriend to me.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What makes you think she has a boyfriend?


Dunno...cheater's spider-sense, mebbe?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Dunno...cheater's spider-sense, mebbe?


She wanted attention, now she doesn't need it.

It's not like she's in therapy.

It's coming from somewhere.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> She wanted attention, now she doesn't need it.
> 
> It's not like she's in therapy.
> 
> It's coming from somewhere.


Bingo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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