# Romance Novels VS Porn



## killjoy (Apr 24, 2013)

just like porn can alter a man's perceptions of women, romance novels can alter a woman's expectations of a man. I think porn is very simple when it comes down to it: short, throwaway entertainment that (for the most part) gets erased from your brain when you're done with it.

but romance novels are more insidious imo. women get more emotionally invested in them. there is this whole other psychological aspect to romance novels thats rarely touched upon in the great porn debate. they all seem to be about acting out these sick deep-seated desires & pathologies (like rape fantasies as it was established in other threads). its hard to put into words. if your wife is really into romance novels/erotica its a cause for concern because she may be in a kind of storybook fog. her make-believe vision of what a man is supposed to be is just as twisted, if not more so, than a man that watches too much porn


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

I agree with you, Im not a huge fan of romance novels. Every once in a while I will read one. But honestly they are so unrealistic. I do like a good Erotica novel which is somewhat like reading porn. I also will watch porn. It actually gets me going...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

This is an interesting topic, but first I need to take issue with your poor choice of words. "Acting out sick deep-seated desires...like rape fantasies..."

I am totally into erotica. I like it dark and light. I like some HEA but not always. I like psychological mind games within erotica the best. Straight romance usually makes me want to vomit.

I find erotica highly useful in creating arousal and creating a mindset of sexual openness and exploration.

As to the storybook fog of which you speak... I don't think I have been immersed in that and believe I still have a firm grip on reality. 

Do you have a personal link to this topic with your wife?


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## killjoy (Apr 24, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> This is an interesting topic, but first I need to take issue with your poor choice of words. "Acting out sick deep-seated desires...like rape fantasies..."
> 
> I am totally into erotica. I like it dark and light. I like some HEA but not always. I like psychological mind games within erotica the best. Straight romance usually makes me want to vomit.
> 
> ...


yes, she reads a lot of that stuff and at times I feel like she expects me to act like one of those male lead characters in her books and is disappointed when I don't live up to those expectations


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I believe some women are more susceptible than others to this. My sister gets this way over chick flicks. She is a movie junkie and picks fights with her boyfriend because he's not romantic enough. She also reads a lot of romance novels.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

I don't think romance novels _as bad as_ porn, as your poll question states, because I don't have issues with porn in and of itself.
I would say they are the female _equivalent_ of porn, however.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Men should encourage their wives to read romance novels. Why?

According to research by the bookstore chain Barnes and Noble, romance customers can typically spend up to $100 per month for books and will read as many as 40 books per month. 

More than 90 percent of all mass market book sales are popular fiction. 
Romance accounts for 48.6 percent of the mass market (paperback) book sales in the United States, with sales topping $885 million in 1992. 
Authors rarely get rich writing books -- they receive only a small percentage of the cover price of a book -- usually 4 to 6 percent percent, according to Texas author LaRee Bryant. 
The average romance reader is 39 years old and works outside the home. (Forbes Magazine) 
The average annual household income for a romance reader is $40,000. 
45 percent of romance readers are college educated. 
*Women who read romance novels make love with their partners 74 percent more often than women who don't.* (Psychology Today)

http://www.theromancereader.com/hyper5.html


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## killjoy (Apr 24, 2013)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> I don't think romance novels _as bad as_ porn, as your poll question states, because I don't have issues with porn in and of itself.
> I would say they are the female _equivalent_ of porn, however.


I don't have any issues with porn either, but can we all at least agree watching WAY TOO MUCH porn can have a negative effect on a person?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

killjoy said:


> yes, she reads a lot of that stuff and at times I feel like she expects me to act like one of those male lead characters in her books and is disappointed when I don't live up to those expectations


I see your point and your concern. 

I think, and this is just my guess, that those women who "buy into" the romance set up and enter this fog, are not really fogged by the book, but the book brings out their unrealistic expectations. The book makes them think those expectations are realistic. I think those kinds of women are the grown up version of Daddy's precious princess and are doomed to unhappiness because they really believe that life can be a fairy tale and they get pissed off when reality smacks them upside the head!

Too much of anything is not a good thing. The question to answer is, why would a wife be so immersed in romance or erotica? Is she a princess, or are there other things going on that she can't cope with and has turned to romance or erotic fiction as a means of escape?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I see your point and your concern.
> 
> I think, and this is just my guess, that those women who "buy into" the romance set up and enter this fog, are not really fogged by the book, but the book brings out their unrealistic expectations. The book makes them think those expectations are realistic. I think those kinds of women are the grown up version of Daddy's precious princess and are doomed to unhappiness because they really believe that life can be a fairy tale and they get pissed off when reality smacks them upside the head!
> 
> Too much of anything is not a good thing. The question to answer is, why would a wife be so immersed in romance or erotica? Is she a princess, or are there other things going on that she can't cope with and has turned to romance or erotic fiction as a means of escape?


:iagree:

I was thinking of escapism as well. Fantasy is easier than reality to deal with.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

From what I’ve read and told on TAM about 99.99% of all men watch/use porn. But only about 29% of all women read romance novels.

By sheer about of usage, porn probably has much more effect on relationships and society.

“29 percent of Americans over the age of 13 read a romance novel in 2008.”

Who reads romance novels? | Proud to be a Paperback Diva!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

killjoy said:


> just like porn can alter a man's perceptions of women, romance novels can alter a woman's expectations of a man. I think porn is very simple when it comes down to it: short, throwaway entertainment that (for the most part) gets erased from your brain when you're done with it.
> 
> but romance novels are more insidious imo. women get more emotionally invested in them. there is this whole other psychological aspect to romance novels thats rarely touched upon in the great porn debate. they all seem to be about acting out these sick deep-seated desires & pathologies (like rape fantasies as it was established in other threads). its hard to put into words. if your wife is really into romance novels/erotica its a cause for concern because she may be in a kind of storybook fog. her make-believe vision of what a man is supposed to be is just as twisted, if not more so, than a man that watches too much porn


How many romance novels have you read in your life?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I think it depends entirely on the person looking at it, whether it be pictures or words. Different people process information in different ways. Some people are far more affected by pictures, and some by words. You can't make a blanket statement about it IMO.


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## killjoy (Apr 24, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> How many romance novels have you read in your life?


..only the most popular one of all time: the 50 shades trilogy

but i've researched and read synopses for most of the ones on here Popular Erotic Romance Books in order to get a better idea of the type of stuff my wife consumes on a daily basis

men need to realize these books aren't simply: boy meets girl, falls in love with girl and live happily ever after type stuff. its a lot more hedonistic & decadent than that. I think most men who see their wives reading these are still ignorant to that fact


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

its all fantasy .....with that said it would be best for all married people to be open and honest with their partner about what they like and what works and practice practice practice.

and then their would be no need for either of them and marriages would be stronger and more loving!!!!!


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

killjoy said:


> I think porn is very simple when it comes down to it: short, throwaway entertainment that (for the most part) gets erased from your brain when you're done with it.


Is this true just because you said it?

The scientific evidence totally argues against this.


Romantic novels lead women to want to engage in a relationship. Porn leads to disengagement.

But if your wife is complaining about you maybe that is just her nature, and she would complain no matter what you did. I wouldn't necessarily look to the novels as the source of the problem. You are focusing on them because they seem so foreign to you, and being the unknown, they must be the problem.

Still, reality is not like what we see in romance novels or porn, and if someone does not have a grasp of that then he/she will be unhappy with real life.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Why is it when its male porn use the rallying cry is - blame the man, not the porn for any relationship problems - but when its females indulging in erotica or reading "romance novels" - obviously they are evil and must be blamed. 

Because I'm sure after the fact -none- of the ideas from porn -ever- enter your mind -ever again- .... right? Your desires for that MFF threesome the "pinnacle of sex" as another TAMer put it never enters your mind after you watch the porn right? Porn is self-destructing and just removes itself from your brain after you are done.

Sorry - this just seems like another example thread of "male sexuality is good - female sexuality is bad. Females should only be sexual in certain ways on demand, any other interest or desires is inappropriate and evil. But then you'll complain they are cold fish. 

Your wife has a problem OP, but then distilling that -all- women -everywhere- that read erotica must have a problem with "insidious" ideas is kind of stretch.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I don't see how the 2, romance novels and porn, can be compared. They have very different effects on people. 

Romance novels will lead more women to have sex with their spouses, as EleGirl pointed out. 

"Women who read romance novels make love with their partners 74 percent more often than women who don't. (Psychology Today)"

Whereas porn leads more men to pull away from the relationship, which you can see from how many threads just on this site alone in regards to porn causing issues in relationships. 

I'm not really a fan of either thing, but have more of an issue with porn. An imagination from a story line in a book is one thing, but to ogle over an actual woman performing certain acts in a porn flick makes me sick. 

Have you ever read a romance novel?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

killjoy said:


> yes, she reads a lot of that stuff and at times I feel like she expects me to act like one of those male lead characters in her books and is disappointed when I don't live up to those expectations


YOu have not answered the question about how many romance novels you have read.

If you think your wife wants you to act like a romance novel guy, why not go with the flow sometimes. Surely you can get into a fantasy where you are like that (whatever that is) and use it to spice up your sex life.

Could be fun.


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## killjoy (Apr 24, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> YOu have not answered the question about how many romance novels you have read.
> 
> If you think your wife wants you to act like a romance novel guy, why not go with the flow sometimes. Surely you can get into a fantasy where you are like that (whatever that is) and use it to spice up your sex life.
> 
> Could be fun.


actually I did respond but got a message saying _'my post needed to be approved by a mod'_ for some reason. I'll just type it again

only 'romance' novels i've read are the 50 shades trilogy, simply because they are the most popular and will give me a general perspective on the type of stuff women in droves shelled out record amounts of cash to read. I've been told that even 50 shades is on the tame side compared to other books in the genre. if 50 shades is just pop BDSM for the masses, how much worse does it get? even though that's the only series i've read personally, i've researched a bit deeper into this and read the synopses of most of the books on here http://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/erotic-romance along with articles dealing with the subject


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Reading a synopsis isn't the same thing as reading a book. 

I mean - how many people inferred that Harry Potter is nothing but Satan worship and mischief without ever reading the books?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think in the next upcoming generation, both men and women will be looking at porn in nearly equal numbers (those numbers are creeping now, and we don't know for sure about females watching porn because they are less likely to admit it, yet their numbers ARE in fact rising rapidly in the younger set).

So to the OP...would you be ok if your wife gave up romance novels, but started watching porn instead?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *EleGirl said*: Women who read romance novels make love with their partners 74 percent more often than women who don't.


:smthumbup: I could kick myself... I SHOULD have been reading MORE Romance novels in the past..... as they always turned me on like a hot faucet and I had to run and get my husband quick....and every chick flick he snuggled up next to me... that also ended in sex... and unlike some other posts here....I can't say I have ever had an argument with him to be MORE Romantic with me..... he is naturally very affectionate...so this helps. 

I like porn too. I think it's all great if you can share it with your partner and don't have any hang ups about it....and even better if you save ever orgasm for each other.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Men should encourage their wives to read romance novels. Why?
> 
> According to research by the bookstore chain Barnes and Noble, romance customers can typically spend up to $100 per month for books and will read as many as 40 books per month.
> 
> ...


Good God if that is the case my wife cannot give up the romance novels. She would go from LD to ND.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I used to read romance novels when I was unhappily married. It was an escape.I used to porn to get turned on enough to have sex.

I don't read romance anymore and I don't look at porn before sex or at all anymore. 

For some,both things can be negative, influential and a way to escape. For others they're just silly forms of entertainment. So depending on the person they can be bad or not such a big deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I used to read romance novels when I was unhappily married. It was an escape.I used to porn to get turned on enough to have sex.
> 
> I don't read romance anymore and I don't look at porn before sex or at all anymore.
> 
> ...


I have been told it can be fun to read 50 shades of grey


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

kilgore said:


> I have been told it can be fun to read *50 shades of grey*


I'm purposely saving this read until menopause when my libido will take a dive..as I'll need as much help as I can get ... so I assume... Looking forward to the movie though.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I think in the next upcoming generation, both men and women will be looking at porn in nearly equal numbers (those numbers are creeping now, and we don't know for sure about females watching porn because they are less likely to admit it, yet their numbers ARE in fact rising rapidly in the younger set).
> 
> So to the OP...would you be ok if your wife gave up romance novels, but started watching porn instead?


I watch porn every once in a while. There I admitted it!


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I've honestly never met a woman...who wasn't an old lady...who read romance novels. I thought that was something from my mother's generation.

I personally think porn is vastly worse than romance novels. Although I concede there is a tipping point where a fog...involving romance novels...could set in. 

Porn involves real people. When you look at porn, and you get off, you are getting off on the image of another woman (or whatever you're into lol) It's not a fantasy. You are looking at a naked woman...who is NOT YOUR WIFE...a real person...getting turned on by her...and getting off. That's pretty nitty gritty. People like to PRETEND it's all fantasy. It's not. It's real people.

Romance novels are just cheesy fluff. Of course, I don't read that stuff. I do, of course, remember the 50 Shades of Grey. I live real S&M, so I don't need that stuff. I do think that book was damaging to some marriages, but I think it's mostly fantasy.

I just don't think fantasy is as damaging as a real-world sexual experience. Porn is very close to, if not a legit, sexual experience. There is no fantasy. It's real. Yes, it's pictures or videos. But they are pictures or videos of a real woman...and it's a real man...REALLY getting off. 

I have never met someone addicted to romance novels.

They may exist. I just have never met them.

I do know, personally, people addicted to porn.

I can only speak from personal experience. YMMV


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

SouthernMiss said:


> I've honestly never met a woman...who wasn't an old lady...who read romance novels. I thought that was something from my mother's generation.
> 
> I personally think porn is vastly worse than romance novels. Although I concede there is a tipping point where a fog...involving romance novels...could set in.
> 
> ...


what is ymmv?


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

This is the first place on the internet...since I've been on it since a teen lol...that I ever saw someone take romance novels as a real threat to the health of their marriage. I don't mean to insult anyone, but that just seems so funny. They are so goofy! lol


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

kilgore said:


> what is ymmv?


"your mileage may vary" -- basically, it's just my opinion...your experience may be different than mine


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

SouthernMiss said:


> "your mileage may vary" -- basically, it's just my opinion...your experience may be different than mine


got it. what do you mean you do s&m?


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

kilgore said:


> got it. what do you mean you do s&m?


'

I am full of acroynyms tonight, huh? lol 

S&M - my husband and I are into sadism/masochism...he is a dom & I am a sub. This has been our sexual lifestyle always  I find it extremely satisfying


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

SouthernMiss said:


> '
> 
> I am full of acroynyms tonight, huh? lol
> 
> S&M - my husband and I are into sadism/masochism...he is a dom & I am a sub. This has been our sexual lifestyle always  I find it extremely satisfying


that is what i figured. never done it myself.


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

kilgore said:


> that is what i figured. never done it myself. how did you both start doing that?


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

Hi, I don't want to hijack the thread. PM me and I will explain


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Is the real issue that your wife wants you to be more sexually dominant? If this is something you might want to explore, go to amazon and search dominate my wife... Maybe it's something for you, maybe not. But looking and reading isn't going to damage you.

If you're wondering where your sweet gentle wife went, she's still there. She has simply had a sexual awakening. We can read about all sorts of things and something speak to us, others don't. If something speaks to us, it's because we were always that way. I can read about lesbians but it doesn't make me wanna have lunch at the Y.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

SouthernMiss said:


> Hi, I don't want to hijack the thread. PM me and I will explain


CHICKEN!

Not a hijack, it's on topic!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I think in the next upcoming generation, both men and women will be looking at porn in nearly equal numbers (those numbers are creeping now, and we don't know for sure about females watching porn because they are less likely to admit it, yet their numbers ARE in fact rising rapidly in the younger set).


I always say this when the porn debate comes up.

Within the next decade, almost the same numbers of women to men would be regular users of porn .
Porn industry is about money. All that will happen is that more women would become producers of porn [ former female pornstars etc.], and they would start producing porn geared towards women and couples.
To a certain extent I believe it is already taking place.

Just imagine if that 50 shades erotica was put on film, uncensored......


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Romance novels objectify men. Same with chick flicks.

The pain of over three billion men cries out for justice whenever a woman objectifies us with these oppressive romantic fantasies.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Romance novels objectify men. Same with chick flicks.
> 
> The pain of over three billion men cries out for justice whenever a woman objectifies us with these oppressive romantic fantasies.


Somebody's being sarcastic and needs a spankin!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By Scarlet
> For some, both things can be negative, influential and a way to escape. For others they're just silly forms of entertainment. So depending on the person they can be bad or not such a big deal.


I think this is a good summation. All kinds of things come into play.
I would ask a few questions:


*Are you satisfied in your romance and sex life?
Do you tend to be a reality or fantasy person?
Are you a person that can drop fantasy if it starts to be a problem? *

These are just a few questions that maybe very important in your involvement with porn or Romance novels

I think that the fantasy and excitement of porn for some men are dangerous.

For me there is no way that porn can match the reality of a real woman. Choking your chicken while watching a woman lie to you about being all hot and enjoying the sex on a picture screen is not even close to a soft warm woman. If there is no way that you can have a woman then I guess porn is better than a cold shower.

I don’t know how romance novels affect most women but as a man I do not view a woman that reads a lot of romance novels as being a positive for me. *Probably because I view most fantasy as worthless or in some cases destructive*. I just do not care for a person that loves the fantasy world.


But different stokes for different folks I guess!


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Do you tend to be a reality or fantasy person?
> Are you a person that can drop fantasy if it starts to be a problem?


So - what about non-sexual novels that also entice readers to fantasize about living a different life? I mean - sometimes I daydream I could live in Middle Earth, but that doesn't mean I've had a complete divorce from reality. 

How do you categorize someone as a "reality" or "fantasy" person? The first group sounds kind of stodgy and cold to me - people without any kind of imagination. How can one indeed have no fantasies? 

That sounds just as dangerous to someone's sex life as anything else.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> I mean - sometimes I daydream I could live in Middle Earth, but that doesn't mean I've had a complete divorce from reality.
> 
> That sounds just as dangerous to someone's sex life as anything else.


Accio Wine!


Damn reality! Life sucks!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Quote:
> By Mr. Blunt
> Do you tend to be a reality or fantasy person?
> Are you a person that can drop fantasy if it starts to be a problem?
> ...


*The title of this thread is Romance Novels VS Porn
Not “non-sexual novels” vs Porn*

My response was based on the context of the OP. It was obvious to me that the OP novels were ones with romance and sex. My question of 

"Are you a person that can drop fantasy if it starts to be a problem?"
Was referring to romance sex novels and porn NOT daydreaming about living in Middle Earth.

Your response was not within the context of my post.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

killjoy said:


> just like porn can alter a man's perceptions of women, romance novels can alter a woman's expectations of a man. I think porn is very simple when it comes down to it: short, throwaway entertainment that (for the most part) gets erased from your brain when you're done with it.
> 
> but romance novels are more insidious imo. women get more emotionally invested in them. there is this whole other psychological aspect to romance novels thats rarely touched upon in the great porn debate. they all seem to be about acting out these sick deep-seated desires & pathologies (like rape fantasies as it was established in other threads). its hard to put into words. if your wife is really into romance novels/erotica its a cause for concern because she may be in a kind of storybook fog. her make-believe vision of what a man is supposed to be is just as twisted, if not more so, than a man that watches too much porn


I think when looking at the studies and evidence that porn effects the brain very differently to written erotica. 

I don't read written erotica but I have watched porn and read it in the past. 

I think it is reasonable for men and women to have expectations of at decent sex life and for their spouse to try and connect emotionally and do thoughtful things (some would call this romance). Meeting each others needs are very important. 

The thing about this though is that studies show that men expect women to go further and further out of their comfort zone during sex with things like anal sex and swinging etc and it does seem to often correlate with watching a lot of porn.

I do think if a woman's reading romantic and erotic novels and she's expecting you to be a vampire :lol: or to hire a private jet to surprise you with weekends in Paris and giant diamond rings all the time, then she's probably way too effected by and brain washed by television, movies, magazines and popular culture and she needs a reality check. Any posts on this site where women were being unrealistic with their expectations both men and women will tell them to stop watching the kardashians or whoever and get real. 

However often there are threads like " why can't my woman be more like a porn star." And " my wife won't have anal" etc and often lots of men and some women answer with "well she should be willing to try it" and a woman should put up with anything sexual, because its normal and natural etc. 

The expectations are very different. 

I personally think some men and women are far too selfish. And need to concentrate on their relationships and appreciate what they have. If something is hurting your spouse- believe them, (ask if they are usually reasonable) put them first and ditch whatever is doing the damage. You may just find your self having an awesome sex life.

But no I don't know any woman IRL. Who is effected by erotica and has unrealistic expectations of behaviour. I do know many women who's husbands never bother to do anything romantic at all, absolutely zero effort. 

I would ask what is unreasonable romance?


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

I agree with you. Romance novels are emotional + sexual, whereas porn is strictly sexual. I think both of these could lead to unrealistic expectations of a partner. For instance a guy might think "my wife wouldn't do that, or her boobs aren't that big", where a woman might think "my husband doesn't romance me like that or wouldn't let himself be that vulnerable with me".

Lately, when I've read some posts about sexless couples where one is frustrated, I think you've hit on something here. My husband preferred porn to having sex with me, and it destroyed our marriage (it was the first issue of many). He's now the last person I'd have sex with in the world after so many rejections. Only since after telling him about my EA has he decided sex is part of a marriage. Too late!

I don't personally read romance novels. When I've seen posts of men who are tired of being in sexless marriages, but their wives are reading romance novels instead, it's not so different than the man who watches porn and neglects his wife, IMO. The woman is escaping to some fantasy world where all the man has to do all day is romance his woman, not so unlike porn where all the woman has to do is please her man sexually in every way imaginable.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Just a thought but - couldn't asking her about her interest in the romance novels be a possible to spark a discussion about her sexual desires/fantasies?

No - you can't actually become a vampire or time-transport yourselves back to the 19th century. However - a little planning (picnic in the woods?), and a little cosplay might do wonders for kicking in some hot sex.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *Originally Posted by killjoy *
> just like porn can alter a man's perceptions of women, romance novels can alter a woman's expectations of a man
> 
> *By Little Deer*
> ...


I think the above posts are very good.
Sometimes you read posts that try to make excessive readings of romance novels by women as worse than a man watching porn in excess. Then you have those that present the opposite.

What romance novels and porn have in common is that they can both produce what Killjoy and HeHasMyheart said above and reprinted below:



> just like porn can alter a man's perceptions of women, romance novels can alter a woman's expectations of a man
> 
> I think both of these could lead to unrealistic expectations of a partner


When that happens you very likely are headed for real problems. *That is why I think that fantasies that produce what was described above are worthless, dangereous, and often very destructive to both men and women.* 

I will continue to advice my sister, brother, son, and daughter to view anyone that has continued fantasies about romance novels or porn as a real negative.

Rather than try to present porn or romance novels as more bad that the other; why not spend your energy on avoiding the danger and damage of both? This is where I think Little Deer’s words are so appropriate. Little Deer said 



> By Little Deer
> I personally think some men and women are far too selfish. And need to concentrate on their relationships and appreciate what they have.



*When you do what is underlined above you do not need fantasies about unreal romance novels and porn!!*


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