# Wife leaving...still dealing...



## isaacduke (Apr 6, 2012)

So my wife came home two weeks ago and sat down beside me with the news that she was leaving. This would be our tenth year of marriage (if we make it), but she was throwing in the towel. We had gotten to the point where we had been living as great roommates and best friends for a while, but not really a married couple. She was no longer physically attracted to me, and just felt mentally drained from being a wife for so long.

When we were first married, she took on the "wifely" duties (cooking, cleaning, etc.) while still having a full-time job. While I would wash some laundry and take the garbage out, EVERYTHING else was her responsibility. Basically, after ten years of walking through the front door to find me on the couch asking "What's for dinner?"...she's done.

Also, we don't have any children, but a year ago we thought, since we have the room, we would sign up to foster children. The first (and only) kid we got was a 12 year old boy that became very physically combative very quickly, to the point where he started pulling knives on us. We dealt with it, but it finally got to the point where we called the agency and gave our notice on the kid. At that point, I checked out and she basically became a single parent, which wasn't fair to her at all, but I really despised the kid at that point and didn't know what else to do.

She has stated that there is no other man, which makes sense as she doesn't spend that much unaccounted time outside the house. It's just that she is wiped out and needs to go away and work on herself for awhile.

I have decided to take this time to work on me, as well. The weight and diet really went to pot over the years, which I am dealing with currently. I am also getting out of the house and meeting new people, right now mostly through Meetup groups, as she stated another thing that just drove her into the ground was my leaning on her as basically a constant companion to everything.

She is spending almost every night over at one of our friends' house, and I've DMed this friend on Facebook to get a feel for the situation. She says that no one saw it coming, but that my wife isn't changing her mind anytime soon. She also said strongly that words aren't going to do any good, only actions.

This has totally rocked my world. My wife WAS my world. I relied on her for too much, and mistreated her by allowing her to do everything around the house, but I really hate the way things have gone to **** in seemingly such a short amount of time.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stay strong

Keep reading here

Look up the 180 plan and see if you can use it to detach a bit

Don't plead or beg your wife to reconsider. You'll come off as weak and needy. You need to be strong, be a man. That's what she wants

Keep working on yourself both physically and emotionally and she will see the changes. As you said, it's all about actions!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Once a spouse has decided to check out of a marriage, there is little you can do to change their mind. All you can do now is work on being the best man you can be. 

Get to a lawyer quickly and find out what your rights are. Ask about legal separation to protect your credit. Then pull out half the money from your joing bank account and put them into one under your name only. Have your work direct deposit your pay to that account.

Cut off all joint credit cards. If she has a cell phone you are paying for, then call and have it turned off. Make her understand what being single is like. I'm not saying punish her, but you should not be financing her breaking up with you. Give her no help at all. 

Follow the link on my signature to the 180. It will help to fortify you emotionally and help you to detach from her.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Your situation sounds identical to mine only my H is the one who checked out. I did everything, his only responsibility was to go to work...and I was his alarm clock in the mornings so, he didn't even have to get himself up. I guess he got tired of not doing anything. It's come to light (in my mind anyway) that he's tired of the financial strain we've been under for the last 28 years. Never having any $$ to do this or that, never had anything in savings, ALWAYS owed someone something. I don't know why he things things are going to change now that we're getting a divorce. Funny thing is, we still have to do our taxes and guess what? WE'RE GONNA OWE....again. Ugh, I get so angry when I think about it. Why does he thinks things are going to be better by breaking up a marriage and a family?


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