# There she goes...



## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Well, she was meant to move out tomorrow and I got home this afternoon to find a note saying that she got the keys to the rental apartment a day early and has moved out. With it were some chocolates and a care saying '...I know this has been tough on you...you are a wonderful man and deserve to be happy again one day blah blah blah' It would be nice if I thought she really meant it but her actions in the last couple of months during our 'in house separation' have been crap - for those not following my separation, I found out via internet history and a keylogger that she was flirting with men on a dating sites only 2 weeks after hitting me with the 'love but not in love' spiel. I have been crushed by this separation but she apparently feels nothing (except maybe happier or invigorated by it)

But in spite of my anger and bitterness...I still found myself bawling like a baby after reading her note and card. I am glad my son was not around to see it! Down on my knees in a blubbering mess. I cannot even say if it was a fear of being alone or sad that she has gone but it hit me like a truck....I have not shed a tear over this for weeks.

Anyway, my son is home from school now. I am going to grab a six pack of beer and get some takeaway food so we can kick back and watch a movie together.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Sorry you are going through this. Have confidence in yourself. Although is painful right now having her gone will help you detach and start moving on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Been there, done that./..you are not alone, and it does get better and easier, surprisingly soon rather than later. Stay UP :O)


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Let yourself go through the emotions. If she moved out (and is having EA with other men) then start distancing yourself from her. The 180 can be used, no contact etc .. it's not about spite or revenge though, it's about distancing yourself emotionally.

Disconnect, be vague in communication and don't give in to any of her demands. She wants a life without you, then let her see how it is.

Noticed you talked about getting a 6 pack. To each there own, but don't use it as a cover up for your pain. Hell, I'm a little hammered right now .. but I went out with a group of buddies for a night out, I don't do it at home solo .. doesn't do me any good.

If she texts you, or calls.. don't answer right away. That's one thing that has driven my stbxw up the wall (I know because she comments on it). Truth is, I don't owe her ANYTHING when it comes to communication unless it's about the kids. 

No reason why I should have to respond instantly, not my problem if she's sitting around her phone for 2-3 hours waiting for my 2 word reply to a stupid text question.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Thanks for the advice everyone...much appreciated.

As for alcohol, I have actually surprised myself during the past two months of our in house separation. I actually have been drinking much less...tonight's six pack is part celebration that the tension of the past two months is finally over and a bit of self pity too...but not something I will make a habit of. I have been hitting the fitness side of the 180 pretty hard and have shed 8 out of the 20 kgs I need to shed to be at an ideal weight. Eating fresh healthy food and exercising has actually made me crave the booze less.

Tomorrow night will be a different story though - it is a friend's 40th and I will be with a great bunch of friends I have known for 20 years, some of whom I have not seen in ages. Also some of whom have gone through the mess that I am going through. I plan to party pretty hard and dance the night away. I will forget my pain for one night but after the past two months I need to. The hangover might be a killer though!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Moth,

Enjoy the party! Celebrate your independence from a woman who only cared about herself and not her family.

Also, take a few aspirins just before you go to sleep after the party. I've always found it really takes the edge off the morning hangovers!


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

Mothra777 said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone...much appreciated.
> 
> As for alcohol, I have actually surprised myself during the past two months of our in house separation. I actually have been drinking much less...tonight's six pack is part celebration that the tension of the past two months is finally over and a bit of self pity too...but not something I will make a habit of. I have been hitting the fitness side of the 180 pretty hard and have shed 8 out of the 20 kgs I need to shed to be at an ideal weight. Eating fresh healthy food and exercising has actually made me crave the booze less.
> 
> Tomorrow night will be a different story though - it is a friend's 40th and I will be with a great bunch of friends I have known for 20 years, some of whom I have not seen in ages. *Also some of whom have gone through the mess that I am going through.* I plan to party pretty hard and dance the night away. I will forget my pain for one night but after the past two months I need to. The hangover might be a killer though!


That's the way man - especially the bolded bit above - those guys will be the ones especially to help you through it. Hang one on, chat with chicks and so on...try to put her out of your head and enjoy yourself.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Some parts of the process are so very raw, but you will get through this. I understand the emotion. Am there now as part of a very difficult past few days. You cried because you just had to let it out, and at first, news like that has a peak of emotion before we settle and adjust our sails.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Well, the party last night was brilliant...caught up with many great friends. I drank, talked and danced until 4am...ouch! Its a pretty fierce hangover today though.

As I had not seen many of the attendees since the separation I did go over it a number of times with different people. Most were shocked and very sympathetic to my situation. Everyone was saying that I am such a kind, caring and awesome guy that they could not understand why anyone could leave me to pursue another man. A lot of these are mutual friends with my ex, so it was nice to know that they are backing me up.

I am back home now and have been hit by mixed emotions again with all her stuff gone and a very quiet house. Feeling a bit too tired/hungover to take on any of my usual 180 activities. I think I will get an early night and start fresh tomorrow.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

I felt very alone last night and the reality of single life is starting to sink in big time.

It is just the small things - like me having to disassemble a bed, move it upstairs and reassemble it. It was really a 2 person job as you need another person to hold each end when putting the bolts in. But I got through it....at one point it all collapsed and I had to start from scratch (like some weird metaphor for my marriage!). Anyway, I said 'f&%k it, I can do this' and started over. It kind of felt like I had to do it to show that she has not beaten me. Sure it took me and hour where it would take 2 people 20 minutes but I got there in the end.

It is also the first day of getting my son ready and off to school. It's not that hard but just the small things she used to do like have his uniform out and ready.

A mutual friend gave me the impression that my ex was possibly going on a date already. She's not wasting any time! So, I guess I need to brace myself for the fact she will be with another guy soon. 

Anyway, I have a busy day of work and it is a beautiful day out there. I am determined to hit the 180 hard from today forward (I kind of lapsed on it last week). I also have a IC session this afternoon which is good timing as I really need to discuss some issues with her.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Sounds like you're on the right track. Adjusting to life without her will be difficult but doable. Some "firsts" such as her being with someone else will also be tough (no idea if my ex has dated or boinked anyone else), but you know... that's pretty much an inevitability. 

Glad you're seeing an IC. Did wonders for me. Great coping tools.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Ditch that "friend". It seems more like wanting to hurt you rather then keep you updated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Crap! My counsellor is ill today and I could not reschedule anything with her until 5th June. Also my order for the book Rebuilding: When a Relationship Ends will not arrive until another 8-10 days. Looks like TAM will be one of my main outlets for a while.


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