# Just being yourself



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I just read a little of the is he good looking or not thread, and I have to agree with the posters who seem to say it is more important how you feel with someone than what they look like.

I think this is just so true.

I like _feeling_ good with dh. Neither of us is anything special-looking, in any way. But we feel good together. And when we don't, we talk until we _do_ feel good.

Basically we just love each other and have similar values and work together to make the best life we can, not just for ourselves, but for our kids, too.

There can be so much happiness from a simple philosophy like that. And it is not expensive or exhausting. 

Anybody else with this simple view?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> Anybody else with this simple view?


People don't have to be conventionally attractive to be irresistible. 

But some people could up their hit rate if they took care of their exterior better than they currently are.

Plus, I am not a fan of platitudes lie "Just be yourself."


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> People don't have to be conventionally attractive to be irresistible.
> 
> But some people could up their hit rate if they took care of their exterior better than they currently are.
> 
> *Plus, I am not a fan of platitudes lie "Just be yourself."*


Okay, why?


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> People don't have to be conventionally attractive to be irresistible.
> 
> But some people could up their hit rate if they took care of their exterior better than they currently are.
> 
> Plus, I am not a fan of platitudes lie "Just be yourself."


:iagree:

Who else would you be?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EasyPartner said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Who else would you be?


Could you explain your post, EP? Confused here.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jld said:


> Okay, why?


The reason is, that if you don't really care about external appearance, it will matter and help you, even if in your personality you are "being yourself". Sight is one of the six senses and you should take advantage of this knowledge.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

jld said:


> Could you explain your post, EP? Confused here.


I agree with Next that " Just be yourself" is a platitude.

Of course what you stated in your original post is a wonderful philosophy.

But "Just being yourself" doesn't excuse people
who let their appearence deteriorate
who don't think before speaking up
who actually are proud they know nothing about the world, politics, finance, ...

Poor, stupid and ugly. Just being themselves.

Just ranting here jld


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lol, EP. I guess "Just being yourself" could be used as an excuse. I did not mean it that way.

I just think people try too hard sometimes. I think they would have more fun if they could just accept themselves and accept other people, too. 

Does anyone remember this?

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ePId_e26hJE


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

jld said:


> Could you explain your post, EP? Confused here.



I learned, for example, that my raunchy sense of humor is not welcomed everywhere I go.

I find that the return on self-editing is greater than the gains anyone can perceive in "just being oneself."


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> I learned, for example, that my raunchy sense of humor is not welcomed everywhere I go.
> 
> I find that the return on self-editing is greater than the gains anyone can perceive in "just being oneself."


I am thinking of that scene in The Graduate where Dustin Hoffman and the girl are eating burgers, just talking and being themselves, not trying to impress anyone, just being authentic. I guess that is what I meant. 

For sure, we all need to self-edit, at least somewhat. But I think it might also be good for our partners to see the worst of us before we marry, just to see if they can handle it. Or want to.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

LOL! That video! Had forgotten all about it. Not saying it was good but...mummies, now that is clever, "everlasting". Ha!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> LOL! That video! Had forgotten all about it. Not saying it was good but...mummies, now that is clever, "everlasting". Ha!


Lol! I loved that video! And listened to that song all the time the summer of '89!


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I learned, for example, that my raunchy sense of humor is not welcomed everywhere I go.
> 
> I find that the return on self-editing is greater than the gains anyone can perceive in "just being oneself."


Yup. Idem dito.

I read a lot of your posts, jld, and I have to say, and I mean it in the nicest possible way, but sometimes you seem a little naive...

"Just being yourself" leads many of us to complacency... I thought I was doing just fine in my former marriage... little did I know.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EasyPartner said:


> Yup. Idem dito.
> 
> I read a lot of your posts, jld, and I have to say, and I mean it in the nicest possible way, but sometimes you seem a little naive...
> 
> "Just being yourself" leads many of us to complacency... I thought I was doing just fine in my former marriage... little did I know.


My marriage has been easy, EP. I think that is why.

I am sorry about your WAW. That must have been shocking and painful.

It sounds like you have a girlfriend who adores you now, though. And I am sure you appreciate her.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think it's important because that's what is sustainable long term for anyone. Sometimes it leads to sloth, sometimes it means being an overachiever. But if you show your true colors then you're likely to get matched up better. I think this is what it means. You can't partner up with someone who is truly compatible unless you are being yourself. Otherwise, everything is based on a kind of lie.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jld said:


> Could you explain your post, EP? Confused here.


Platitude - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Wikipedia said:


> A platitude is a trite, meaningless, or prosaic statement, generally directed at quelling social, emotional, or cognitive unease. The word derives from plat, French word for "flat." Platitudes are geared towards presenting a shallow, unifying wisdom over a difficult topic. However, they are too overused and general to be anything more than undirected statements with ultimately little meaningful contribution towards a solution. Examples could be statements such as "Meet in the middle", "Everybody has a right to an opinion", "Everything happens for a reason", "It is what it is", and "Do what you can". Platitudes are generally a form of thought-terminating cliché.


Okay, this is a little embarrassing, but I learned a new word today!


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I swear some of you people will argue about anything. jld obviously isn't advocating letting yourself go, foregoing hygiene, and letting loose with all your personality flaws. I get what you are saying jld and it is a good way to live your life. Glad you and your husband are happy.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Okay, thanks, WOM.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

livnlearn said:


> I swear some of you people will argue about anything. jld obviously isn't advocating letting yourself go, foregoing hygiene, and letting loose with all your personality flaws. I get what you are saying jld and it is a good way to live your life. Glad you and your husband are happy.


Why, thank you, livnlearn!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

But what if being yourself isn't working?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

WyshIknew said:


> But what if being yourself isn't working?


If you desire to change and implement change, then by definition, that is also part of being yourself.

But if you put on a mask to "become" someone else temporarily in order to manipulate someone else's perception of you, then that is being yourself, too, and maybe you will pair up with someone who does the same. In that case, the two of you can also become compatible in needing to split up. Being yourself works in all sorts of ways!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> But what if being yourself isn't working?


Then you're probably with the wrong person. That's why it is so important to be transparent _before _marriage.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If you desire to change and implement change, then by definition, that is also part of being yourself.
> 
> But if you put on a mask to "become" someone else temporarily in order to manipulate someone else's perception of you, then that is being yourself, too, and maybe you will pair up with someone who does the same. In that case, the two of you can also become compatible in needing to split up. Being yourself works in all sorts of ways!


:rofl:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jld said:


> Then you're probably with the wrong person. That's why it is so important to be transparent _before _marriage.


It was a hypothetical question.

I am married to the right person. The mother of my four children.

Our 25th anniversary next year.

There are many people out there for whom 'being themselves' just isn't working.

Would you tell the geeky guy who can't get a date by being himself, or the young girl who can't get a date because she is regarded as plain and boring to just 'be themselves'?

Because I can assure you, for a long time being myself just led to me being confused about and pissed off with the whole dating thing.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> I learned, for example, that my raunchy sense of humor is not welcomed everywhere I go.
> 
> I find that the return on self-editing is greater than the gains anyone can perceive in "just being oneself."


So cutting down on it helped you noticeably?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> It was a hypothetical question.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Good point. I mean should a person keep themselves in a box and not allow for personal growth all in the name of being themself? The self I was 20 years ago is not the self I am today.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I agree with Homakernumerouno, even though it's a kind of funny response.

But i can also see Wysh's point and I have often made that point whenever this discussion comes up.

I think maybe it's a careful sort of balancing act?

However, how many people really know their true selves?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> It was a hypothetical question.
> 
> I am married to the right person. The mother of my four children.
> 
> ...


But being yourself is what got you your wife, right? And you are very happy with her.

I think people need to feel happy in themselves, Wysh. They need to put their own health and happiness first. When they really and truly do this, I think the right person will come along.

I really think it is better to be willing to be alone than to be poorly matched. Ever heard that Spanish proverb, "Mejor solito que mal acompanado?" Better to be alone than in bad company.

Our joy in life is ourselves, Wysh. You and I love our spouses, but our joy must come from within. We share it with them, and they share theirs with us. They could die at any time, and we would have to go on. 

I think loving ourselves and just accepting ourselves is one of the most powerful things we can do. I think it will attract the right person.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

therosenberg said:


> I haven't been here for long, only a few days, but this is true. I have noticed some people here seem to just be looking for a fight.
> 
> Someone says something nice and they turn it into a debate.


Yes but don't you love a nice debate


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> However, how many people really know their true selves?


Self awareness! Good grief I really needed that in my 20's. 

Now I'm too self aware - or is it set in my ways. Eh... I'm old it's ok.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lol, coffee!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

therosenberg said:


> I haven't been here for long, only a few days, but this is true. I have noticed some people here seem to just be looking for a fight.
> 
> Someone says something nice and they turn it into a debate.


Says you!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> Self awareness! Good grief I really needed that in my 20's.
> 
> Now I'm too self aware - or is it set in my ways. Eh... I'm old it's ok.



Go easy on yourself.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jld said:


> But being yourself is what got you your wife, right? And you are very happy with her.
> 
> I think people need to feel happy in themselves, Wysh. They need to put their own health and happiness first. When they really and truly do this, I think the right person will come along.
> 
> ...


Yes, I agree but it was at the cost of, from say 15 to 16 years old, 10 to 15 years of, at times, misery.

At the time I would have taken 'being someone else' over what I had.

I think life is often far more complicated than simply being yourself.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Yes, I agree but it was at the cost of, from say 15 to 16 years old, 10 to 15 years of, at times, misery.
> 
> At the time I would have taken 'being someone else' over what I had.
> 
> I think life is often far more complicated than simply being yourself.


So from 25-30 it was difficult? That seems kind of normal, no?

I think there are cultures where the normal marrying age for a man is around 30. He has work experience, he has saved money, and he knows what he wants in a wife. He also is just more mature as a man and is ready to be responsible for a family.

I know it was hard to wait, Wysh, but it seems like Mrs. Wysh was worth it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

treyvion said:


> So cutting down on it helped you noticeably?


yes.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

therosenberg said:


> I haven't been here for long, only a few days, but this is true. I have noticed some people here seem to just be looking for a fight.
> 
> Someone says something nice and they turn it into a debate.


Nu uh


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

therosenberg said:


> I haven't been here for long, only a few days, but this is true. I have noticed some people here seem to just be looking for a fight.
> 
> Someone says something nice and they turn it into a debate.


Sorry, we're just being ourselves. Now if you don't like it........ --_er, now how am I supposed to finish this conditional statement......
_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jld said:


> So from 25-30 it was difficult? That seems kind of normal, no?
> 
> I think there are cultures where the normal marrying age for a man is around 30. He has work experience, he has saved money, and he knows what he wants in a wife. He also is just more mature as a man and is ready to be responsible for a family.
> 
> I know it was hard to wait, Wysh, but it seems like Mrs. Wysh was worth it.


Try from 14 year old to late twenties.

I don't seem able to get across what I mean.

I get it, I am happy, wonderful marriage, wonderful children and grandchildren, my life is like seven fluffy bunny rabbits.

But if you had told me to 'just be myself' when I was 20 I would have looked at you as if you were mad.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Try from 14 year old to late twenties.
> 
> I don't seem able to get across what I mean.
> 
> ...


Okay, how about if I had told you that when you get married, it will be for the rest of your life, and you will never have the freedom you have now at 20. 

And then how about if I discuss your passions with you, and help you organize a plan to pursue them, like living abroad for a period of time, or starting a business, or going full throttle with a hobby?

I know it is hard, Wysh, but I think the right person is the one worth waiting for, the one worth risking just being yourself to attract. You were worth waiting for for Mrs. Wysh, and 20 year olds today would do well to do the same.

I just look at how easy my marriage has been, and I am telling you, it does not seem to have been a lot of effort on my part. I was transparent right away, so dh knew what he was getting. He tells me he is "fully satisfied" with me, despite my imperfections. 

I guess this is just what I wish for everyone, and I think just being yourself could get people there.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is my experience with Being Yourself... I will start with the Teen years....

When I was in high school... I think we all struggled to find where we FIT in.. 

I was always very strong minded.. I didn't follow the crowd.. Self awareness was mentioned...I feel I always had this -for the most part..(always the thinker weighing every side)... I knew what I wanted, I knew the type of people I liked, I knew the type I didn't like (can I be honest & say I didn't like a whole lot in high school - backbiting girls, bullying the unpopular, everyone faking who they are to fit in- what a racket!)... I was never like this- seriously ...in my opinion , these people sucked...and being myself and speaking this would have gotten my a$$ kicked.

So yeah.. I kept a little quiet..

..So I gravitated to the decent people..who I felt were *genuine*....and didn't resort to this high school drama...these were obviously the more mature crowd of teens.. (some would call us boring I suppose)... I fit in with them more so...I was never a reckless teen...but had my feet on the ground...

Though my natural state is rather bubbly , boisterous...and open, and I'd tell you what for, if something was bothering me .... nothing has really changed over the years.. 

I probably had some anger issues back then...due to my family life...but I always had friends to rant to...so this was my release.... I am sure in some ways I struggled with comparing myself to others....though I always LIKED myself....and appreciated the friends I had, they were genuine & that's why I still have a # of them today !... 

I did the best to treat others with respect, keeping my word... my mouth did get me in trouble from time to time, for being a little too honest.. I've learned some tact over the years. A couple of my friends told me I used to intimidate them...but I've mellowed...:smthumbup:

Back THEN, being myself depended on who I was around.. I have gotten more confident as I have grown older and realized ...ya know....we are really all the same...so what if their lifestyle is richer over ours or what not.. we have value too..and something to contribute.. 

High school just seemed like they worshipped the Jock and cheerleaders , I found it obnoxious...but my close and dear friends all knew the REAL me.. and the REAL me - has always been loved & pretty much enjoyed ...

My point is... I am better off BEING ME..than playing shy.. 

Husbands experience is similar.. He was who he was, didn't try to conform, he liked who he was too, and gravitated to the nice people... so when we met.. Heck.. we were perfect for each other.. we talked about stuff like that.... I felt comfortable around him from the get go.. he was MY TYPE OF PERSON, if you know what I mean.. a GOOD Guy... not an A$$hole trying to impress me, who blows smoke with everything he says..


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> But if you had told me to 'just be myself' when I was 20 I would have looked at you as if you were mad.


I get what you mean. I was always one to insist on being myself, but I can certainly see the price I've paid for that. 

Trouble is, anything else and my head explodes.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

always_alone said:


> I get what you mean. I was always one to insist on being myself, but I can certainly see the price I've paid for that.
> 
> Trouble is, anything else and my head explodes.


Lol, we are not all meant to be best friends. And we certainly are not cut out to marry just anybody.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I am myself in my marriage. And most of the time I try to be my best self.

Often at 20 or whatever, we don't even know who we are or how to be ourselves. And we're in no way finished. So it's a useless thing to say to someone who is in that place. 

I am going to challenge you, jld, to stop using the word 'just' in your posts. It's like a tic or something, and it weakens your opinions which are perfectly legitimate. Own them. It's part of being your true self after all.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> *If you desire to change and implement change, then by definition, that is also part of being yourself.
> 
> But if you put on a mask to "become" someone else temporarily in order to manipulate someone else's perception of you, then that is being yourself, too, and maybe you will pair up with someone who does the same. In that case, the two of you can also become compatible in needing to split up. Being yourself works in all sorts of ways!*


 What an interesting answer.. the masks to manipulate... this is again why - I think history speaks so much about people.. if you live your life this way.. those you left in your manipulation -will have a story to share.... and a reputation will be born. .. I pretty much pay attention to that sort of thing. .. but then again, the messenger may have a wrong motive too !! What a web we all weave....in trying to unravel who is authentic and who is NOT.. 



therosenberg said:


> *I haven't been here for long, only a few days, but this is true. I have noticed some people here seem to just be looking for a fight.
> 
> Someone says something nice and they turn it into a debate.*


I enjoy debating.. I keep it toned down on here though, there is a way to do this without personal attack....but I see many fall into here...and threads locked... 

I am more apt to try a little humility with a debate partner-instead of snapping back....I can acknowledge when they are right/ have a point... heck yeah...but if they want to keep cutting my throat... then you know what type of person you are dealing with (it speaks more about them at that point)... they can only see their truth... and not acknowledge another's view.. there is generally fragments of truth from our critics though... it's hard for some to swallow. Why debate too often goes the way of a train wreck. Unfortunate I say. 



> Originally Posted by* WyshIknew *
> 
> *But if you had told me to 'just be myself' when I was 20 I would have looked at you as if you were mad*.


 Just Curious...

Can you explain what was so wrong with you Wysh? Could you paint us a picture?

Did you possess good characteristics... but others found them boring - or what? Or you was really just down on yourself and this affected your demeanor out & about... so your FUN & exciting side was hampered before others? Feeling insecure can do that...

What DID you do /change to feel more accepted?? What was your turning point? 

One of the hardest things for me growing up was when my Best Friend started gravitating to new friends...getting wild, smoking weed, getting into the partying scene...she was like my sister, her family like my own... ..She changed but I didn't... Most seem to have to go through some wild phase..

Thankfully I met my husband around the same time.. I cried tears over her...she was my bestest...I felt a great loss...she was still in my life but it would never be the same...I still had other friends.. but to this day, I have never had a female friendship as close as I was with her.... it was a season in my life.. . something I had to learn.. that people move on..and it's OK...She & her family filled a void for me at that time in my life... so I will always hold them dear....


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

therosenberg said:


> I haven't been here for long, only a few days, but this is true. I have noticed some people here seem to just be looking for a fight.
> 
> Someone says something nice and they turn it into a debate.


Debate is healthy and encourages growth and education. Most people in this forum are aware of this and enjoy it, others are frightened by it and others take it into the realm of childish insults etc. Luckily the majority enjoy debating, otherwise I would find this forum incredibly boring.

As for the original topic, I do find that a healthy dose of honesty and humility helps everyone through life. If you don't see room for improvement and growth within yourself, you're lacking in both.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lol, Lyris. I will keep that in mind.

SA, thank you so much for sharing that with us about losing your bf. That must have been so painful. But you are so right, that we cannot keep people from going the path they choose to go in life. But it is so hard to accept that.

And breeze, your words about humility are right on. Being as honest with ourselves as possible cannot but help us.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> I agree with Next that " Just be yourself" is a platitude.
> 
> Of course what you stated in your original post is a wonderful philosophy.
> 
> ...



But... But... But those are my good qualities and being myself is what I found works the best to get others to leave me alone! 

I didn't get to being who I am now by accident. I put a lot of work into being comfortable at this level of nasty to everyone and with this level of confident indifference!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lolol, married tech.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Seriously. ****** off... :moon:


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You know there was a study done on group dynamics. Put a group of people together and they will naturally fall into 'roles', e.g. leader, troublemaker, mediator etc. Put these people into different groups and they'll switch roles, a former leader might become the troublemaker etc.

I think my point is, there is always a place for a married tech.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> I think my point is, there is always a place for a married tech.


Yes! No matter where I am I will always lead people into troublemaking by carefully directed and guided mediation tactics.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Now get back in the corner.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

I'm already there drawing on the wall.

(But you probably don't what to know with what.) :banned2:


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Lol, hand you the washable crayons and let you have at it.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Some women - and men - look and act ordinary but with a LITTLE effort can look and act spectacular. 

Using my favorite experimental rodent as an example, my wife, she can look ho-hum or not. She's nearly 55, size 6, 5 feet 7, short raven hair, Asian look, 125-130 lb, and has a closet full of designer clothes (Nordstrom Rack and Loehmanns (RIP)). Her makeup table features an arsenal of Estée Lauder products that seem to work well.

Left to her own devices she will never venture near either place and dress for outside in jeans or yoga pants... Herself is the sophisticated look but more often than not she has to be reminded to make a little effort to look good. Dressed well she's very noticeable, and very good looking, but in jeans and a sweater....


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

John, john, john . . . experimental rodent? This is your wife you are talking about.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Chinchilla, maybe hamster.

They love solitude and being left alone. My daughters had guinea pigs for a while and we once watched the movie G-Force. In the hamster scene (where the hero guinea pigs live the hamster's cage) the hamster is so ecstatic to be alone he's making snow angels on his cage bedding.

Both girls turned to me and said "Mom!!!"

I'm very affectionate with furry creatures. I have yet to meet a cat, dog, or rodent that doesn't melt for me - and vice versa - to be called a rodent is a high complement


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lol, John.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Well at least a few of us have the capacity to take a step back and have a laugh at our lives! 

I think that says something about who we are inside!:smthumbup:


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I think there is value in those three words in the title. And especially in the way I think JLD meant them.



Those three words remind me that I have found trying to be someone I am naturally not, trying to be the way I think someone else wants me to be or needs me to be -- be they a parent or lover or culture, etc -- is not a healthy way to be, or a path to long term happiness. 



Some of the discussion here reminds me of how words sometimes fail me. For instance, there is the notion that "acceptance" of the present reality is a good and necessary thing. But, sometimes when people hear "acceptance" being encouraged, they mistake it for "you should accept it and like it" rather than you should simply "admit that it is true at this moment, so you stop struggling against the reality of it and so you can decide what if anything to do about it".


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Not sure who quoted this...


> But "Just being yourself" doesn't excuse people
> who let their appearence deteriorate
> who don't think before speaking up
> who actually are proud they know nothing about the world, politics, finance, ...
> ...


I think the miscommunication on "just be who you are" or BE REAL... it's hard for people to answer... because we all entertain our own version of what that REALLY MEANS... for some, they may be envisioning a lazy husband, can't hold a job ...game fanatic.. farts all day...& expects his wife to do everything.... That's a pretty disgraceful scene...yeah... (but Real/ being his true self.... I guess so!)

When I use the term.. I am ALWAYS meaning .... someone who is presenting their "Best Self"...yes...being authentic...I guess I am envisioning someone who has their sh** together already ... they don't go around white lying their way through life so people will like them....pandering for acceptance...

Examples...

*1. who let their appearence deteriorate*... don't know about anyone else, but I don't like to leave the house looking like a wreck, I would be embarrassed to even walk into a store lest I ran into someone I knew.. we need to dress for the occasion... I don't mind looking at the People at walmart, gives me a good laugh -but I don't want to one of those caught on tape & plastered on the net. 

*2. who don't think before speaking up*... hopefully if we've learned anything in life, it's some manners... We gotta watch our mouth.. ... weigh our words before we speak.. in all things.. sure we may miss it, then we need to go apologize, if so. 

I again....envision Honesty with *being Real.*. I think a person can speak the truth in a variety of ways....some are Rude, insulting, and some know how to remain true but season a word with salt -for the betterment of the hearer... and are less worried about how they will be liked or disliked for remaining true to themselves..

And many times we will agree to disagree.. this too is remaining true to who you are.. that is not an attack on anyone ..I like this comment even if you don't like the singer...










*3. Poor, stupid and ugly*... some are born into poverty & have a difficult climb ahead of them, but they press on....and some are wasteful.. I see a difference... ..

I think we all have gifts....and something to contribute, even if one didn't go to college...calling people stupid will not motivate them, but getting them to believe in themselves...If we don't like how we look...we should get a make over.. this doesn't require going on TV..just a little creativity, some make up.. a hair cut, some new clothes...take some pride in yourself.. 

I think the human race needs to work on themselves , of course.. but many do this in some areas...then completely fake their way through others... guess it's all in how you define it..

Here is a song about being REAL.. It's christian & it's talking about being "Plastic people"... smiling to hide our pain... it's one of my favorites...

Stained Glass Masquerade By Casting Crowns - YouTube



> Cause when I take a look around
> Everybody seems so strong
> I know they'll soon discover
> That I don't belong
> ...


I think it's easier to be yourself when you have learned from your mistakes, you can speak of this because you like where you are today....you lived, you learned...you grew....you owned it...and it was all worth it..and now you are at a place of a healthy self acceptance...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

PieceOfSky said:


> Some of the discussion here reminds me of how words sometimes fail me. For instance, there is the notion that "acceptance" of the present reality is a good and necessary thing. But, sometimes when people hear "acceptance" being encouraged, they mistake it for "you should accept it and like it" rather than you should simply *"admit that it is true at this moment, so you stop struggling against the reality of it and so you can decide what if anything to do about it"*.


You expressed that so well, PieceOfSky. Thank you.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

breeze said:


> You know there was a study done on group dynamics. Put a group of people together and they will naturally fall into 'roles', e.g. leader, troublemaker, mediator etc. Put these people into different groups and they'll switch roles, a former leader might become the troublemaker etc.
> 
> I think my point is, there is always a place for a married tech.


I read a book called " _Tribal Leadership_" by authors , David Logan , John King and Halee Fischer- Wright , based on [ I think] the same study you mentioned above.

Interesting theory.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Plastic people got to go.

Being yourself is important. But liking yourself is an essential first step in finding peace. We do our best when we we act in a fashion would earn the respect of people we know who have integrity, compassion, etc. It is not good embracing your worst features.

The best people are not always flashy. They sometimes lay low and are discovered and appreciated a bit late.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> * It is not good embracing your worst features.*
> 
> The best people are not always flashy. They sometimes lay low and are discovered and appreciated a bit late.


I think, regarding the bold, that we need to accept the dark side of ourselves, if we ever want to heal it.

I think many fine people are overlooked at first. But as we get to know them, we see what a treasure they are.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Just Curious...
> 
> Can you explain what was so wrong with you Wysh? Could you paint us a picture?
> 
> Did you possess good characteristics... but others found them boring - or what? Or you was really just down on yourself and this affected your demeanor out & about... so your FUN & exciting side was hampered before others? Feeling insecure can do that...



I dunno.

I was just being myself.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> I dunno.
> 
> I was just being myself.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Sorry, had to be said.

I'll do a proper explanation later. But it will ultimately come down to 'I don't know.'


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> I think, regarding the bold, that we need to accept the dark side of ourselves, if we ever want to heal it.


But that dark side of me is what holds the anger that drives me. Without that I would be content to just sit around and enjoy life for what it is!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

married tech said:


> But that dark side of me is what holds the anger that drives me. Without that I would be content to just sit around and enjoy life for what it is!


_married tech . . ._


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

married tech said:


> But that dark side of me is what holds the anger that drives me. Without that I would be content to just sit around and enjoy life for what it is!



I have no anger towards life - just ADHD :rofl: - and that is plenty of motivation for me... Still I manage to enjoy life for the most part..


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Actually I kicked back and laid in the pile of fresh clean clothes my wife dumped on the bed this morning that were fresh out of the dryer.  

That's a way to start a day off right! (Unless you're my wife and see no humor in it's childish pleasure and even less so in watching a near 40 year old man do it with a big grin.)


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