# 1 year yesterday



## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Yesterday marked the 1 year mark since my wife moved out. It's been an emotional stretch for both me and the kids to say the least. Still, life goes on. My kids and myself are closer than ever. Even the kids are closer to one another. I'm alone, having dated a few women, but nothing has developed. 
I've been at the stage for a few months now where I really don't think about her continously. I miss her, but I don't pine for her anymore. Unfortunately, she has pulled even further away from the kids as they refuse to accept or even acknowledge her partner. Sadly she seems to have chosen him over them. Fortunately, I feel great that we raised some pretty great kids and they are balanced and stable. 
It's been tough, but to all the newbies here I can say the people who said it gets better were right. It just takes time...a different amount for all of us....but it's true. Hang in there.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm 6 months out and still wanting to be with my ex and thinking about him every single minute of every day. It's good to know that feeling goes away eventually, because I'm sick of it.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

I didn't want that feeling to go away because it had such an element of finality about it. I think I was happier feeling rotten just because there was an ounce of hope. Somehow I knew if I stopped feeling that way it was OVER. So in a sense we often sustain our own misery.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

KR what a great post. I know how painful this is, especially when it is so fresh and new and you think you'll never feel whole again.
I'm 7 months separated from my H and I'm not quite where you are at yet nor am I at the beginning.

It really stinks that your W has pulled away from your kids, she will regret it some day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

KR

That hits the nail on the head for me


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

One obstacle I'm facing is meeting someone that is "healthy". At my age most of the women I meet are going through a similar set of circumstances. That's only to be expected. Few relationships at this stage of life won't have baggage. When both parties have it, the chances of making ot work are astronomical. That's not to say we shouldn't still miss our former partner or think about them from time to time, but when we impose those feelings on a new relationship, it's doomed.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

I think that in some ways I may always miss my stbxw...I do know that I have to be in a certain place before I can even think about giving another relationship a fair shake... I am still holding on to that glimmer of hope which I need to deal with before I can take the next step.....
I will be 41 in a month and its hard to not think about the future and finding someone...but also I don't want to rush anything ...because I hope to never venture down this road again....


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I don't want to rush anything ...because I hope to never venture down this road again.... 


that is exactly how i feel. i also my one year mark on april...it is still very hard for me. i still can't seem to move on. I am not ready which frustrates me because i see him happy and going on with life. where as I, our memories are still vivid in my head. i can't seen to turn it off. 

i hope that things go better for you. wish you all the best!


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Pre,

I can't seem to throw that switch either....I am not sure when that will happen...I am not to far into my journey being without her, but unfortunately it had been going on before she left,so it feels like an eternity...

I am doing my best to let go...


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I know what you mean. I am in no rush in moving on, i am not emotionally ready at all. I just wished the sadness could go away. I am happy at times. I have been enjoying my free time without him. i am working on my career and praying...well that keeps me going. 

i find it that when i am alone, i think of him. i get stuck. i get sad. 

as i am writting this, i am also texting him because he is moving (about an or 2 away) and he is asking when can he drop off my stuff. well i left and i havent seen my stuff in over a year, and i feel the sadness coming back. 

i really hope this will all go away someday....

i am sorry you are also going through this, no one deserves this.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

I've started seeing someone. It's very new and I'm nervous and apprehensive. I really hate this whole "getting to know someone" process. I've only been seeing this woman for a couple of weeks and my wife has started to go into her place of work. No trouble or anything, but it's extremely odd that she would just start going to this store when she never frequented it before. I didn't even know she knew about this other woman. What is she up to???


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hrmmm maybe she does not like the fact that your moving on.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Kinda sounds like the ol' she doesn't want me , but doesn't want anyone else to have me either deal


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

KRinOnt said:


> Kinda sounds like the ol' she doesn't want me , but doesn't want anyone else to have me either deal


Thats exactly what it is.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Why does a person do this?


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

KRinOnt said:


> Why does a person do this?


I dont know I had this issue one time with a ex. Seems like when they see you comfortable and moving on it makes them question there actions and they dont want someone else to have what they thought they did not want.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

sadly, that makes sense.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Yor ex is sizing up the competition. Seeing what can possibly replace her and if still can still pull your attention away. Mind games. Does the new GF know who the ex is? would continue to let her think I am oblivioius and reel her in...you might learn some interesting secrets LOL


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Exacly what HNH said!


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

This odd behavior is fear of loss.

Your unavailability due to other pursuits closes the door on as Plan B however far fetched. 

She wants to check the competition by compariosn to her own self image to see just how final it might appear. 

She is also comparing the possibility of your happiness with her own to reassure herself that she is better off than you. 

Happiness is the best revenge. The comparison being done here is why. Its immature but all too common.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

hesnothappy said:


> Does the new GF know who the ex is?


They are not friends, but have known one another for years.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

back when my ex and i were only seperated my new gf (now wife) started getting all kind of threating phone calls and letters.yep, found out it was my ex doing it, why they do that is beyond me.. she's the on who left.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Your W is working up the nerve to say something to the new woman....about you. Just tell the newbie to beware and stand tall when she comes around.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Well something has happened, but certainly not what I expected. For the better part of the first year we were apart we both continued to list our facebook status as married. Finally, I changed mine to separated and she changed hers to "in a relationship" shortly therafter. Today I come home from work to find she has sent me a request to have me listed as a family member. What the freaking he** ?


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Took a week, but I finally had to ask her why. Her explanation was ridiculous, blaming her laptop for Facebook adding all her friends to the family member list. I just doesn't happen that way and no one else got a request...just me and to both my accounts no less. I think when I didn't accept she had to backtrack and I caught her offguard. Lamest excuse ever.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

If I spend too much time thinking about the future and starting over I get almost panicked. I'm 45 and the thought of starting over at this point in my life seems incredibly daunting. Like one of you mentioned, the chances of finding someone else who doesn't have the same kind of baggage are slim. Very scary time if you ask me.


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