# Proposed reconciliation again



## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

I wrote a brief letter to my wife again last night suggesting she move home to try again. She hasn't said no. In fact she hasn't said anything yet. 
This is the first time I've mentioned this to her since last November when her response was that she still loved me, but not enough or at least in the right way. Since then she has told her friends she isn't happy and made a mistake. She's been thinking all this time that I'm with someone else, but that's no longer true. Now she knows. 
I don't know what wlll happen, but the time just seemed right. She's been very friendly of late and our conversations seem to end up with us reminiscing about better times. She has let it be known that she is feeling financial pressure. She never refers to the man she's with. Always refers to her situation as "I" and never "we" even though they still live together. 
Tmie will tell I guess. I do know I'm tired. Tired of being alone and tired of being a single parent. It's harder than I ever could have imagined.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

I hope it works out for you. Going through this is so exhausting, emotionally, mentally, physically.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> I hope it works out for you. Going through this is so exhausting, emotionally, mentally, physically.


It comes and goes. Some days I feel good and somewhat energized, but other times it's just depressing. The financial burden is difficult too. She left me with all the same expenses we had as a couple. She's agreed to walk away from the house, but that doesn't mean I can just keep it and I don't want to uproot the kids.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Hope it works out for you KR.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> Hope it works out for you KR.


I honestly don't know if this is even the right thing. I mean, I know I love her, but am I doing this because of the loneliness?


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

KR
I feel you. I keep reaching out to my husband, but maybe I shouldn't. I ask myself the same thing, am I doing the right thing or am I just doing this because it hurts to be alone and more so to think he could and would move on so easily? I'm a single parent too, of soon to be 4 children. Husband left a couple months ago. 
I hope it really does work for you. It is so draining and there is a point where you have to say, okay, it's too much. I'm almost there, but not quite.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Sakaye said:


> KR
> I feel you. I keep reaching out to my husband, but maybe I shouldn't. I ask myself the same thing, am I doing the right thing or am I just doing this because it hurts to be alone and more so to think he could and would move on so easily? I'm a single parent too, of soon to be 4 children. Husband left a couple months ago.
> I hope it really does work for you. It is so draining and there is a point where you have to say, okay, it's too much. I'm almost there, but not quite.


I became very involved, very quickly with someone even though it was destined to fail. I'm dating someone casually now, but I know deep down I'm only seeing her for the companionship. It won't last.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Huge mistake for you to reach out to her. HUGE. Let her reach out to you - or you will be restarting the R on a very broken foundation. 




KRinOnt said:


> I honestly don't know if this is even the right thing. I mean, I know I love her, but am I doing this because of the loneliness?


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Huge mistake for you to reach out to her. HUGE. Let her reach out to you - or you will be restarting the R on a very broken foundation.


That sounds like logical advice, but it's always easier to give when you're not the one effected. I guess that's why we reach out here...looking for objectivity. Ironically, people often want others to do the things they would never have the courage to do themselves. I appreciate the input.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Read my posts about my "own" challenges at home. After you finish feel free to calculate the diameter of my balls and the material from which they are constructed. I relentlessly do what "works best" as opposed to what I "want" to do in the moment. So far it has worked out well. 




KRinOnt said:


> That sounds like logical advice, but it's always easier to give when you're not the one effected. I guess that's why we reach out here...looking for objectivity. Ironically, people often want others to do the things they would never have the courage to do themselves. I appreciate the input.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Read my posts about my "own" challenges at home. After you finish feel free to calculate the diameter of my balls and the material from which they are constructed. I relentlessly do what "works best" as opposed to what I "want" to do in the moment. So far it has worked out well.


I've had 6 months to figure out what I want to do. While I do have doubts, I'm pretty confident I know what is right for me.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Maybe we are talking past each other. I get that you want her back. And SHE knows that. Talking to her is fine - though I would let her mostly initiate. But asking to reconcile reduces the chance of success. That was my only point. She KNOWS what you want. The only question is what does she want.



KRinOnt said:


> I've had 6 months to figure out what I want to do. While I do have doubts, I'm pretty confident I know what is right for me.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Maybe we are talking past each other. I get that you want her back. And SHE knows that. Talking to her is fine - though I would let her mostly initiate. But asking to reconcile reduces the chance of success. That was my only point. She KNOWS what you want. The only question is what does she want.


I don't want to turn this into a poker game. She either wants to reconcile or she doesn't. I think if it comes down to this kind of strategy there isn't much hope anyway.


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

KRinOnt said:


> I don't want to turn this into a poker game. She either wants to reconcile or she doesn't. I think if it comes down to this kind of strategy there isn't much hope anyway.


Yeah, but did she move out of her own accord? Don't be involved in her decision to move back in. I'm not sure that's the exact set-up but let her be the one to atone for causing that disruption.

And if you're still talking to her, it's not really a "poker" game. If you were giving her the silent treatment to try to break her down just to get some thrill out of that, it is.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

less_disgruntled said:


> Yeah, but did she move out of her own accord? Don't be involved in her decision to move back in. I'm not sure that's the exact set-up but let her be the one to atone for causing that disruption.
> 
> And if you're still talking to her, it's not really a "poker" game. If you were giving her the silent treatment to try to break her down just to get some thrill out of that, it is.


We talk. We get along great. Never argue. I see her all the time. The decision to leave was hers. I know through mutual friends she regrets her decision.


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