# Effexor, Paranoia and my wife



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Been depressed for 12+ years. Currently taking effexor which has caused me to feel very anxious, insecure, and paranoid. Heres post that I posted in the general forum but its probably good here too...


wifes facebook and hotmail password 

I used to know it and I couldnt help logging in now and then to check up on her. Really stupid really because shes said tons of times shes not having an affair and I've got no reason to think so.

Looks like shes changed her password recenrtly. Am I being really stupid and paranoid if I ask her to tell me what it is?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

*Depression and spouse - after 12+ years of depression*

My wife was absolutely great at first. Couldnt be better. For years, she kept me going...

But, I've suffered off and on for over 12 years now....

Since we had our first child (4 years old now) my wife has sometimes found it difficult to cope with me as well sometimes. Shes admitted this.

She says she cant cope with it after all these years at times. I remind her that neither can I and that I'm not doing it on purpose.

However, should I accept that after all these years, it is going to get very tiring for her sometimes? I can appreciate that it must be hard being the partner of a depressed person sometimes...

Anybody else in a similar situation?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

*how not to let depression ruin your relationship ? I dont know....*

Having problems at the moment with feeling very anxious, insecure, and paranoid with my wife. Really stupid because theres no evidence that I need to be and shes said tons of times that theres not.

Trouble is I still get ideas in my head that I need to ask her something, get reassurance etc. Even if shes answered the same questions ten times before....

For instance, yesterday, I kept on asking stupid questions about her upcoming night out with her friend. Really stupid stuff which looked as if I didnt trust her. 

I know shes getting really upset about it and I know I shouldnt be so heavy handed like this....

Trouble is like I said, I get this idea in my head, and I feel I've GOT TO sort it out now. Dont know whether its the depression or the new meds I'm taking (effexor - 10 weeks) that is causing me to be like this.

However, I'm acutely aware that this sort of untrusting, controlling behaviour on my part is not a great idea for our relationship...


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

I merged these three threads together...


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Chris H. said:


> I merged these three threads together...


OK. No probs...


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

psychocandy said:


> OK. No probs...


Welcome to the site! Looks like you're getting some good feedback so far in your first thread. Hope you stick around!


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## shane33 (Apr 5, 2008)

I have been on effexor for 4 years and i know exactly what you are going through how high is your dossage i got my dr. to cut my dose in half and it did help but still not right. So what you need to do is go to your dr. and talk to him/her and get it right there is no point in suffering through it anymore it will cause major problems i am currently coming off of my effexor there is alot of people i know that are on effexor and having problems


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

shane33 said:


> I have been on effexor for 4 years and i know exactly what you are going through how high is your dossage i got my dr. to cut my dose in half and it did help but still not right. So what you need to do is go to your dr. and talk to him/her and get it right there is no point in suffering through it anymore it will cause major problems i am currently coming off of my effexor there is alot of people i know that are on effexor and having problems


225Mg. So did you get the paranoia etc caused by effexor do u think?

I'm sure its this because I was never like this before...


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## MTD (Apr 30, 2008)

I have a blog that may help you understand where she is coming from - being "married to depression" so to speak. Check it out: married-to-depression

Good luck.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Thanks for that. I'll def take a look...


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## shane33 (Apr 5, 2008)

i was only at 150 mg but ya i know where u are coming from i have an aunt on it also at 225mg and yes she has paranoai u need to talk to ur DR. man get off these ones and try a differnt pill these are not helping you


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Yep. Know what you mean. Not cool.

Got a referral to see a psych sometime soon so we'll see how that goes....


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## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

We have a chronic illness in our family. We had toxic mold in our home and we all suffered terribly with chronic fatigue, depression, fibromaylgia and other problems caused by a weakened immune system and inflammation that was caused from the horrible allergic reactions we had to the mold. It was from 2003-2006 that we were at our worst. It is very hard to live with someone who is depressed, anxious, irritable and in pain. It is hard being the person with it, and it is hard being the person married to it. We had both, and our children suffered too. Those years were the hardest years in my life. I have taken effexor in the past when my first husband past away. The first and last time I took an anti-depressant. I do not use any drugs now for my chronic illness, just diet, exercise, supplements, allergy shots and it has helped immensely. Just a thought for your depression. The hardest thing for a wife to do is to let the depression be the problem and not your husband. It is easy to place blame on your spouse not the illness. That is where I slipped the most, knowing that he was ill. I had to remind myself that everyday. The only thing that helped us through was talking to each other about our illness, how we felt, how we knew that when we weren't sick that we love each other very much. I held him alot, he held me alot, even through the depression of just wanting to crawl under the covers away from everything. We tried to connect. Trust me, connecting is the hardest when you feel like you don't love anything. But I did it, and we are both here today. Kids are strong and feeling better, we are more in love today then we were 11 years ago. So I have to say, instead of letting the person push you away with depression, hold that person at night, let them feel that you are there. Hug them even if you don't feel like it, and kiss them even if they don't return the gesture. Going through those motions helped know that we were there. I hope this made sense. It stirs up so much emotions. I lived through my first husband's cancer and his death, and I lived through a chronic illness. I connected to my partner through both experiences and I can only say it made me stronger. Be supportive and know that you partner has a disease. It will be hard on both of you. My greatest gift that my doctor gave me was to keep pushing exercises and nutrition on me and not prescribing drugs for my depression and anxiety. I finally took his word and became active in my recovery.


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