# Women 50s+ does sex mean much to you?



## Kalpnisis (Jun 25, 2016)

For the women here 50+ is sex even much that matters to you? Does it really matter if a guy can "perform" or not?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

51 year old woman here. Yes, sex matters a great deal to me. So of course it matters if my partner can "perform". But because I am in a loving, committed relationship I would certainly be patient and understanding if that ever were to become an issue. I'm confident that we would work through it together and come up with ways to please each other.

Your question is very vague and your assumptions are broad (women don't care about sex after age 50...???) We need more info.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

To me, ED means the cardiovascular system is compromised. Diet changes would be on the way.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> To me, ED means the cardiovascular system is compromised. Diet changes would be on the way.


Or the guy is stressed. Or (and this is much worse) the guy has lost his emotional connection to you.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Or the guy is stressed. Or (and this is much worse) the guy has lost his emotional connection to you.


Hmm. I guess we have different definitions of "worse."


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> Hmm. I guess we have different definitions of "worse."


I understand what you mean. What I meant is that it is probably easier to fix the physical - diet, weight loss, med etc - in which the problem is clearly identified and measured.

Fixing a lost emotional connection is harder IMO, even if the H knows that is problem and WANTS to fix it. :frown2:

A guy: "I know how to lose weight. I don't know how to fall back in love." :|


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'll be 50 by the end of the year... I get more antsy over sex in comparison to my dear husband.. I NEED it, want it ... love it ... our marriage would go down the tubes if he wasn't into it...I need his desire.. and yes -to perform.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> I understand what you mean. What I meant is that it is probably easier to fix the physical - diet, weight loss, med etc - in which the problem is clearly identified and measured.
> 
> Fixing a lost emotional connection is harder IMO, even if the H knows that is problem and WANTS to fix it. :frown2:
> 
> A guy: "I know how to lose weight. I don't know how to fall back in love." :|


Then it might have to be over.

I do wish more people would look at how they could fix ED through diet. Much cheaper than those pills.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

jld said:


> I do wish more people would look at how they could fix ED through diet. Much cheaper than those pills.


My ED is side effect from another, really cheap, med (the pharmaindustrialcomplex at it's finest). I did change my diet and lost weight, it noticeably helped but not enough to be totally reliable but there are more "free range" encounters than in the past. Also now I order from Canada $14 vs $44.

On topic, my 54 year old wife has said, yes sex is important to her but she no longer has the biologic urge to make babies.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

blueinbr said:


> I understand what you mean. What I meant is that it is probably easier to fix the physical - diet, weight loss, med etc - in which the problem is clearly identified and measured.
> 
> *Fixing a lost emotional connection is harder IMO, even if the H knows that is problem and WANTS to fix it. * :frown2:
> 
> A guy: "I know how to lose weight. I don't know how to fall back in love." :|


There are other things too. I gave my husband *performance pressure* for a time.. so it was physiological.. but also.. I was pushing for more than he could give me.. 

We worked through it .. Got his Testosterone checked.. I picked up a book on Sexual Healing:  ... had exercises a Sex therapist would give if you paid to see one.. we did the "sensate focus" for a time...this worked...

Resentment of any kind is a huge killer of sex.. that needs dealt with.. hopefully physical attraction is still at play.. then if one wants more sex.. they need to do all they can to bring the other with them.. seek to know how to turn them on.. I went out of my way to turn him on , adding new novelty, spicing, perfected my BJ skills, bought a # of sex books, tickling his pickle & all that.. . trying new things , places, went on a lingerie kick.. also cutting some viagra's in half was a life saver during that time...

He had the will (which I needed or I would have been very upset with him issed..

This question is about older women, but so often the man is starting to slow down too...as his testosterone declines, so they say his estrogen goes up...while some of us ladies Test is reaching higher...and this can , for a time, cause an antsy sexual mismatch...just another thing a couple has to work through.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

This poster has just posted two very broad topics and doesn't comeback at all. Why post if no giving or recieving of feedback is needed?

What's your story OP?


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I suspect that the OP is a he and he is having trouble and as his wife/girlfriend, etc. is over 50 he wants to see if it will affect the relationship...or if she will care..

Strange question though...what because a woman is over 50 (because omg 50 is so old) so everything shuts down....whatever...

It all depends on the person...there are women in their 20s and 30s that probably have less of a sex drive than a 50+ woman...


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

It doesn't have to be looking like below. Honestly, it is different for us compared to when we were in our 30s, but it's still happening and is generally good.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Then it might have to be over.
> 
> I do wish more people would look at how they could fix ED through diet. Much cheaper than those pills.


Yeah, but that Viagra RUSH is hard to beat. No pun intended.:grin2:


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## JustJilia (Jul 1, 2016)

I am not in my 50s but I am 41 and with a man that is 29. I still definitely want sex, and he says I am the best he has ever had, and he has been with much younger very beautiful women.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

53 and going thru a divorce. My drive is not nearly as high as it once was and my husband and I have not been active but it's not from a lack of desire on my part. I think it doe matter but I do not put as high of a importance on it as my husband or men his age.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

We have had many problems in the marriage and that puts a damper on things, but as a woman almost 50, I love sex. I think it gets better when you get older. He has had problems with ED due to stress and the marriage but when things are good they are very good!


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Me 50, H 55.
> 
> I'm the one who's wanted sex a lot more for the last 2-3 years.
> 
> ...


Initiating does get old, especially when your H cannot meet your emotional needs. I think I sought my husband because I wanted him to love me, I wanted some kind of physical connection, and I feared he would leave (in the beginning) so I felt I had to show him I was worthy. With time, watching him in his addictions and chasing other women to make himself feel good about himself and blaming me for not laughing at his jokes and eventually saying he did so because I was not giving him enough attention I realized I had been nothing more than sex to him and that is his connection to women, his pleasure. he is not capable of any kind of deep emotional connection, he fears it, it makes him uncomfortable and I was no willing able to go to him. I felt used and I felt my efforts to try to save our marriage were attempts that meant nothing to him.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Me 50, H 55.
> 
> I'm the one who's wanted sex a lot more for the last 2-3 years.
> 
> ...


Maybe so, and it's always good to hear from another side.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> TAM is great; but it's skewed so much to the viewpoint of men who don't get enough sex; women are mostly depicted as sexless creatures who have to be tricked and persuaded into having sex. I have a feeling of being in the Twilight Zone sometimes.


I think I know more women than men from TAM that have divorced due to being in sexless relationships. Is it women take action, and men just complain, IDK?


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## JustJilia (Jul 1, 2016)

aine said:


> We have had many problems in the marriage and that puts a damper on things, but as a woman almost 50, I love sex. I think it gets better when you get older. He has had problems with ED due to stress and the marriage but when things are good they are very good!


My man and I have a great sexual relationship. I get that it is different for everyone, but there is an advantage to being with a younger man


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

And, sometimes menopause shuts it all down. :nono:


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## BlueandBlond (Jun 20, 2016)

I am almost 47 and love sex! Always have but.....my husband of 17 years married (20 together) hasn't had sex with me in 4 years and only 4 times in 12 years!!! I am beside myself. This is a posting for me to do another day. I found that I had more of a sex drive in my 40's than 20's and 30's if that is possible. Perhaps that is because I am not getting it.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

BlueandBlond said:


> I am almost 47 and love sex! Always have but.....my husband of 17 years married (20 together) hasn't had sex with me in 4 years and only 4 times in 12 years!!! I am beside myself. This is a posting for me to do another day. I found that I had more of a sex drive in my 40's than 20's and 30's if that is possible. Perhaps that is because I am not getting it.


My drive is also significantly higher in my 40's than in 20's and 30's. Like 10 times higher for the past 7-8 years. Drive starting increasing late 30's big time. I love having high drive...I'm so scared menopause will change it. To answer OP question though, sex very much matters (I'm mid 40's though)


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

49, post menopause, sex rocks.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

BlueandBlond said:


> I am almost 47 and love sex! Always have but.....*my husband of 17 years married (20 together) hasn't had sex with me in 4 years and only 4 times in 12 years!!! I am beside myself.* This is a posting for me to do another day. *I found that I had more of a sex drive in my 40's than 20's and 30's if that is possible. * Perhaps that is because I am not getting it.


How do people have the patience for this ? My drive climbed ferociously in my 40's..no way we would have survived if he pushed me away...Not sure how some of you do it.


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## BlueandBlond (Jun 20, 2016)

You know we get along and compromise and don't fight and he is a wonderful man and great father but he won't talk about it and there is extreme avoidance on his part. We even went to therapy last year and the doctor didn't do anything to help. We found after a few sessions he was very judgemental towards women. I think my husband avoids even more now. I am new to this site so I am still feeling it out. I have so much to say and really need help. It would be terrible to end the marriage but I am not happy and I am sure that I could be happier even if I was alone.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> How do people have the patience for this ? My drive climbed ferociously in my 40's..no way we would have survived if he pushed me away...Not sure how some of you do it.


It's awful to be rejected, but it's also very hard to leave the father of your children and someone you love even if they aren't giving you what you need. I could not have lasted that long, however. A year of it was all I could do and I was becoming a sex obsessed psycho.


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## concernstep (Jan 27, 2015)

I am 51 an love sex but my h made me feel bad. He wanted me to take care of him but he didn't like to touch. I needed more emotion. One way man no variety no foreplay on his part. Also new to this site need more help dealing with separation. Sex is needed at 50.


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