# How do I know if he's happy?



## KDS0422 (Apr 4, 2012)

Hi...so glad to have found a place to ask stuff! Can't talk about marital problems to family and friends!

Beginning a new marriage later in life, I am 39 and husband is 54. This is the third marriage for both of us.

I really, really want to make him happy but I have no idea if what I'm doing is helping or hurting. My husband does not give feedback, positive or negative. He doesn't tell me if something I do upsets him, but neither does he tell me if something I do pleases him or makes him happy.

We have talked about this and all he can say is that he is a "giver" (meaning gifts, etc and he most definitely is) and he is not used to a woman wanting to do things for him.

He's not really a communicator either. But he is, in so many ways, such an amazing man...my strongest mentor in just about every area, except communication. ;-)

I really, really want to do things to please him and make him as happy as he makes me. But without any kind of feedback...how do I know?

I have ADHD myself and have a terrible time with some of the more subtle social cues...I'm a person who does best with very direct, very plain feedback, even if it's negative. Anyone married to a non-communicative man? Do they give you any nonverbal clues to let you know they are happy or not happy with you? Am I being too needy to want this from him? 

I have two failed marriages and I'm determined that I will not take him for granted. I want him to feel special and needed and loved. Just need to know if I'm doing it right! Thanks!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If he's a giver... that's probably his language of love too....

Find little gifts you can make him, or give to him. Cards... etc. See if he starts putting them in a "special"/ safe spot... ie, that he won't lose them, that he can tangibly see that you gave him a gift.

If he does have places that he keeps the little things you give him... then keep it up. That could be the only way that you can show him your love on "his level", if you know what I mean.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

Just the fact that this question the answer


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