# Epidemic?



## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Is it me or is infidelity happening at epidemic proportions? Just ran into the fourth friend within the past two months whose wife left to go play the field or was cheating(or both). Maybe I'm just more aware but it seems to be everywhere these days.

Interesting notes from my view point: Three of the guys were what I would consider beta/nice guys and one was alpha. All four women were higher in sex rank than their spouses(in my opinion). Three of them lived in my old neighborhood(we moved to get away from OM in my wife's EA and a toxic friend). Funny but I don't think any of them knew one another. 

It just seems that all these 35-45 year old women are trying to re-live their youth. I've noticed this common theme lately.

But it is not one sided. One of my best friends cheated on his wife this past year and is now married to OW. I really let him have it. 

It just seems everywhere these days.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

I have noticed the same thing and its sickening. Its like no one values their morals and vows anymore!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Well and the media portrays this stuff as well also helps to influence folks why look at myself heaven forbid i change me I am just going to change my feelings no one will know ya right famous last words


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It's a big business. There is a lot of money to be made and little conscience in the world. Besides, what would we do with all the attorneys coming out of college? 

Soul Asylum - Misery - YouTube


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I often wonder if its just 'Red Car Syndrome' myself.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I often wonder if its just 'Red Car Syndrome' myself.


I wondered the same thing myself. I notice it so much more after my wife's EA. But surely I would have noticed all these guys getting divorced without our issues. 

It seems like everybody is afraid they are missing out on the mid-life adult single scene. All of them seem to think they are "entitled" to a "happier" life and these husbands/wives and kids are holding them back. 

People really are dumb and shallow aren't they?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

In The Dark said:


> People really are dumb and shallow aren't they?


'fraid so.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I hear a lot of stories from coworkers about their wives cheating while hubby is away on an overnight. It does seem a lot more prevalent today than years ago.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

I found myself feeling kind of depressed about it today -- some of the stories on TAM and friends and folk around, it really does seem like it's more prevalent, at least on a certain level. We were talking about it last night, (FWH y yo), and I was saying exactly this, that there just seems to be so much more of it, and that the current society, the modern world just seems to have made it that much more accessible. It's just that much easier. He pointed out that it's always been around, but at least it seemed like folk had to really work hard to screw up, eh? I think of the rambling man, Woodie Guthrie. His wife put up with it, but he was a traveling bard, part of the package. (Really, that goes with the territory of the musician, it seems at any age. But then of course there are the exceptions.) The Statesmen overseas -- you had John Adams, faithful. Ben Franklin, not so much. But they were separated from their wives for big chunks of time, but reacted differently. 

These days there are just so many ways to cheat and it seems like there's a climate of looking the other way. It's not until it happens to you (and you care) that you realize that all of these somewhat "acceptible" things like flirting are just not cool if you're married. It's the education we never wanted.

Just the other day we had a neighborhood fall festival. A friend came with her husband but had to leave early to take a client of their company to dinner. As she was leaving I asked her husband if he was driving separately. He said "oh no, she's entertaining him all by herself, and she tried to leave her wedding ring at home." I said "what?" laughing. He said "It's true, ask her"....It was all a joke but he had an element of seriousness. I dropped by their house a couple of days later to return a dish and she was just leaving to go to a board meeting. Who dresses like that to go to a board meeting? And she probably was.....but wow, though she looked great, that musta been some board meeting to get that decked out. It seems there's a whole lotta prowl goin on these days.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

In The Dark said:


> It seems like everybody is afraid they are missing out on the mid-life adult single scene. All of them seem to think they are "entitled" to a "happier" life and these husbands/wives and kids are holding them back.


From what I've seen so far, I cannot understand what people think they are missing out on. The women, especially, seem pretty pathetic, holding out hope that they will stumble into the realm of everlasting rainbows and unicorns. But, at the same time, revealing themselves to be snarky, angry biddies right away.

Being that I am a male at the younger edge of this cohort, I can avoid it all by sticking with 20-somethings and not look ridiculous. That said, I haven't had any moment where I thought to myself, "God I'm so glad to be a single 30-something, this is awesome!" I got laid enough in my 20s.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I once used to think that I was lucky, that I was the only man in my circle who hadn't been cheated on.

Until 12 may 2011 that was!


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

My wife had an EA which became a PA - she lied about it for 3 years even though the PA lasted only one summer. 

I think it's easier for women to have an EA now because of texting and the Internet. Women have affairs for different reasons - so starting off with an EA via texting is very easy. It's so easy to flirt by text. And once they have the emotional attachment of an EA, it's easy for the OM to turn it into a PA, especially if he is a horny sleazeball 13 years younger (like in my case). And once the emotional switch (to you) is turned off, it's very difficult to get it turned back on.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think to some extent, it is because of the sexual liberation of women in the digital age..If you are a woman, it is very little work to start an affair..men find it much harder to find women to cheat with(or the number would be more). Some women suddenly realize the power they hold and how easy for them to have an affair, they go on having one very easily without thinking about repercussions..Power corrupts. Many do it for the ego boosts. In this case, it is the women that have the power...


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Power corrupts. Many do it for the ego boosts. In this case, it is the women that have the power...


Back in 03 a co-worker once stopped talking to me because I refused her advances. She was offended that I chose my wife over her! (yeah, that worked out well )


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Some women suddenly realize the power they hold and how easy for them to have an affair, they go on having one very easily without thinking about repercussions..Power corrupts. Many do it for the ego boosts. In this case, it is the women that have the power...


Yeah, but I wouldn't be surprised if they totally misinterpret that power. They think that because a man is willing to f*ck them, he actually cares about them. A lot of these women crave the deep connection and romance promised to them by Hollywood, but just end up with little more than a clandestine f*ck buddy.

There's another class of women who don't suddenly realize that they have this power at 30 because, well, they realized they had it at 20. They used it and abused it back then, got burned but learned about men in the process. As a result, they are less likely to buy into the rainbows and unicorns nonsense that the typical WW goes running after.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Yes. I think it is for any number of reasons. Indeed people cheated before. But I think it has gone viral.

I agree with Warlock, it is very easy now for women to cheat. They decide for the most part. Sure men can hire prostitutes.

We as a society have not adapted to the media explosion. Facebook, email, texting / sexting, hookup sites, cell phones / burner phones and so on. Instant gratification.

Adultry is not illegal and there in most cases is no cost to this. In fact for many it is a you go girl world. The rationalization is some how that men have done this for years. Yes indeed "some" men have done this for years. However this "feels" like it is becoming more mainstream for way too many women.

Also we let the OM / OW off free. There is no cost to being a predator. Some men and women get off on stealing spouses from others. Some even contend they have every right to do so.

There is way less risk for women to have affairs now. Money in the typical family is no longer skewed towards the husband as provider. Laws and dual incomes make it much easier for a woman to just walk away.

Arguably there are way more opportunities for women to have affairs than there used to be. The work place is the easiest place to fall into an EA. But the SAHM who is on facebook is no longer isolated. In my own case I was naive and got involved in en EA with a woman at my workplace. My field was one that was heavily male dominated. No excuse for me but this was classic.

I see the continual push on internet forums that insist that women have a right to very close male friends even when married. This is a point of continual debate but the trend seems to be to be ok with what at least I call dating, one on one alone time with OSFs. There are many men who push for this as well but we have identified that many women contend that they are not drawn sexually to these men and even though the men may be to them it is ok because it is their choice. Of course this completely discounts the number one cause of affairs ... EAs. We bond with friends. Duh! 

There is also the arguments over GNOs. Most mainstream TAMers agree that GNOs are essentail in a happy marriage. However there is constant debate over bars, clubs and dancing. For the most part when men go out to bars they donot get hit on. For the most part women do. For the most part if a man wants to pickup a woman he has to really work for it. For the most part an average woman can decide if she is going to have sex tonight or not.

What happens in Vegas ... stays in Vegas. WTF. This is true for men and women. But this is one of those places where I think women are trying to out due the guys again. And as for men ... really ... lap dances?

In fact I see where the ladies just want to break down all the barriers and have some idea of what men have been doing and they want to claim the right to debase themselves just like these iconic men. This is the way it "feels" anyways. The I can do anything with my body attitude pushes the envelope beyond pregnancy to a more literal form. We see this all the time, it is fine as long as the wife comes home all revved up for her hubby ... Right.

It is just flat more acceptable for a woman to cheat on her neglectful man that is always working ... That she is not getting attention from her man and therefore has every right to seek this attention from other men. I think in general it is more acceptabe for people to "grow apart" and cheat.

One continuing theme though is the marriage where there are children and the guy discovers his wife is cheating and he puts up with it because of fear of losing his children. This is a real fear for the huband as he is most likely going to have to settl for visitation and most likely some other guy will be with his wife and children much of the time in a house he paid the lion share for. This is common. Is this always the case? Maybe not but it is in the mind of the husband. This seems to be the big trump card. It is heart wrenching to watch.

My comments are very skewed towards women. I know. My point is that with all the change over the past few decades women are trying to adapt. For some it is a freefall. It is because women choose and that one has to ask oneself what has changed over the past fifty years. Birth control, more women in the workplace making serious money, technology, attitudes, laws changing ... My comments are from a man's POV. I have no doubt that an intelligent argument can be made skewed towards men.

Many men have good intentions but seem to be compromising their boundaries. This seems to be a social conditioning thing IMO.

Also are people just not getting married any more? Seems like people are in LTRs but are just not willing to fully commit.

Trust me there are a lot of sleazeball men out there. Probably 50/50 on the sleazeball. I just think there are also a lot of hardworking nice guys out there that are being blindsided thinking they are taking care of their families. Yes there are many many women being mistreated by jerks as well. The fact is that men and women are cheating with each other. Society now says this is ok. In fact if you do not go along with it, there is something wrong with you.

Oh and one last thought ... sex is just sex. That is a popular idea. No big deal. It is just sex.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I think my wife is typical of the trend - because most of her friends are the same (everyone she hangs out with is divorced or separated).

Mid 40's. Successful. Attractive but deathly afraid of aging, so try to look and act 10 years younger. Cruise clubs looking for younger guys or spend time hooking friends up because the guy is not really interested in them.

My wife's friends have spent 2 years as it turns out - trying to match her with single guys. It's beyond pathetic. Trying to imagine my wife and her friends in 5 years when gravity and age wins over botox. I don't think their 30 something boyfriends will be faithful. Do you?

Oh well. I am concentrating on the kids and myself and know that I will find another woman who will be a better match.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

I heard an interesting quick quip on the radio this morning taking the kids to school (yes they heard it) -- in context of the Petreaus scandal. 

The quip was that this modern digital age is actually KILLING "discreet affairs" --- In other words more affairs are being exposed because of the proliferation of emails/txts/cell phones and the ability to crack these methods. 

An interestng twist to the thought of the increase of affairs due to these things. I think it's both. 

And as far as more women having affairs.... for every woman in it there has to be a man unless it's a SS affair. I think because so many of these affairs are starting with EA's in the workplace though, that the WW's role in it is becoming more public. Before men could "discretely" have their mistress on the side. Or yes, sex for hire (but please, a small number of women indulged in gigolos). With exception of the vested mistress these all lacked the emotional component. Now the playing field is leveled.

I will say there are enough SAHM's who had all the "regular" reasons to be the WS but didn't! (Neglected emotionally, doing all the work and could've looked for support elsewhere....but it actually ENABLED the husband who carried the power and little of the work at home to go off and have an affair with someone in the office who he saw (passively perhaps) as carrying equal weight with him. Not healthy. So really I think it comes down to -- who's more selfish? We're all selfish in one way or another - it's the human condition. But it's whether or not you give into it and put your needs above those to whom you've pledged your life. Male or female.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Yes. I think it is for any number of reasons. Indeed people cheated before. But I think it has gone viral.
> 
> I agree with Warlock, it is very easy now for women to cheat. They decide for the most part. Sure men can hire prostitutes.
> 
> ...


I think the bolded part hits the nail on the head. Society as a whole no longer shuns the cheating lifestyle but slowly, subtly has become a proponent of it. "You deserve it. You only live once. What happens in Vegas. Life is short."

Divorce is no longer considered embarrasing but rather liberating. When society takes that viewpoint, it is hard for weak-willed people to fight temptation.

The simple truth is we are all tempted. It's what you do when tempted that counts.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Just adding my two cents. 

I am not all that attractive. I think my wife is more attractive than I. Yet, I had a 30 something women literally throw herself at me. I could not resist. 

I do think that cheating is on the rise based on some of my more attractive men friends who have dozens of women throw themselves at these good looking guys, and they all get sucked in just like I did. 

I am not blaming the women, because I am a strayer, too, and just as bad as the women who stray. By my observation however it does seem that more women than ever are pushing for sexual affairs. My lover pushed and pushed and pushed until my resolve weakened. I should know better, too, but I caved.

I agree with the above poster too who mentioned that the men try to hook the woman with an emotional connection first hoping it will move onto sex. Some of my friends have crowed about their technique of complimenting the woman and listening to all her complaints for months sometimes years always and only hoping to eventually bed her.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

There is definitely something in the water.

In recent years, at work, I know of at least 9 different guys whose wives have cheated on them. All but one of them ended in divorce. Surprisingly, most of the men are remarried and happy now. The ones that are still single are playing the field and seem to be having a good time. They are dating younger, more sexually liberated women as evidenced by the sexy photos they send to these guys. The only one that is still married is struggling but may survive. His wife had a long distance EA only, no PA. I only know of one guy who cheated on his wife. He is divorced now as well. 

I do work in a male dominated industry so I do know more men. That could be the reason why the WW numbers seem to be higher. I doubt the men that are cheating are that good at keeping a secret. Word travels fast around here...I would hear about it. I have become much more aware of cheating behavior in my daily life as a result of my own situation and I do see the trend for cheating wives' sharply increasing. 

If the statistics start to match my observations I will never get married again.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Decimated said:


> There is definitely something in the water.
> 
> In recent years, at work, I know of at least 9 different guys whose wives have cheated on them. All but one of them ended in divorce. Surprisingly, most of the men are remarried and happy now. The ones that are still single are playing the field and seem to be having a good time. They are dating younger, more sexually liberated women as evidenced by the sexy photos they send to these guys. The only one that is still married is struggling but may survive. His wife had a long distance EA only, no PA. I only know of one guy who cheated on his wife. He is divorced now as well.
> 
> ...


I think the statistics are way behind the actual numbers. These things are not reported until folks are more than sure of what is happening.


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

My wife had MULTIPLE men before we married. I would guess 30-40. She doesn't remember, yeah right!
I have only had 2 and married both of them. I cheated on my 1st with my 2nd. I was stupid enough to believe she would be true to me. Only good part of the last 28 years are OUR 2 kids. Wasted my life otherwise!
50 shades of grey rekindled her lifestyle.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

There's a general attitude in this world of grabbing all you can, don't deny yourself anything, you deserve it blah, blah... Also a complete breakdown of morals, sex outside of marriage used to be a "sin", not anymore for the vast majority of people.

It's then a short jump to adultery being a form of recreation, sport. Religion used to play a bigger part in people's lives too which held them back. Now we live in a secular world and so many "religious" people are hypocrites, notably the so called "pillars", so people are disillusioned.

I think as people see the breakdown of every aspect of society, they just say what the hell, I'm going to have fun before it all crashes 

My STBXW is having lots of fun. I have gotten the insurance statements (yes still have to carry her on mine in this state) for the past two months for her STD tests. Yee ha! Party time!


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## cali_chick (Oct 18, 2012)

OMG u have read my mind. 
I have all sorts of relatives cheating on their spouses. 

In the past year, I literally have not been to one party where someone doesn't elbow me in the side, point to a person and say "they just banged in the garage" or "at the last party, he banged her in one of the bedroom."

What gives?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Regarding woman cheating more now than ever. 

I don't have any solid statistics. A lot of people either boast about or hide their affairs. So, where are the statistics coming from. I strayers lie to their spouse, why would they suddenly tell the truth in a Poll or study. 

Nevertheless, I am in my late 50s. I initially started cheating with a prostitute because women were not very sexually aggressive when I was younger. Now, starting about ten years ago, I do have women being openly suggestive to me. This is something new and in part why I caved into a persistent women who constantly talked about her sex toys and how she liked to make love long and slow, etc. When younger, women never talked like that to me or anyone I know. I had resisted a number of others that weren't quite as aggressive, but the women I finally took up with was really pushy.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

It would be more like a Pandemic if anything... But that lends itself to the ideal its a disease or something. 

Technically, this IS what we are biologically programmed for. Its is in our very nature, that hasn't changed a bit in thousands & thousands of years... 

Only now the fertile soil of technology, and the nurturing decay of morals and values has set this seed we've always carried loose and it's like wildfire...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Infidelity is as old as the hills...only now, we have the internet to thank for making it easier to spread oneself about. The internet is also responsible for it all being 'out there', too. Plus, more women are cheating (not just guys), it would seem.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Technically, this IS what we are biologically programmed for. Its is in our very nature, that hasn't changed a bit in thousands & thousands of years...


Meh. Every one of our ancestors not only reproduced, but also nurtured a baby into a mature adult. Human babies require a tremendous amount of time and resources and if you can’t provide those resources, your genes even up in Mother Nature’s trash heap. Any cave man or woman who was too pre-occupied getting their “needs met” probably couldn't provide those resources effectively. And, effectively, they aren't part of the genepool any more.

We are biologically programmed to a) survive, b) reproduce, and c) *ensure the survival of our offspring*. Anyone forgetting (c) and telling you that we are biologically programmed to run around mindlessly making babies probably hasn’t cracked a biology text book.

Some people like to believe that morality was artificially thrust upon us by some outside force, but I don't buy it. Populations with clearer, bright line rules and standards were fitter for survival than those without.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Very good points. For a very long time the nuturing was handled by the marriage. Too often the sex was extramarital. So indeed it is natural for woman to seek out the fittest male and have sex with them. The husband will help raise the children. Husbands that do this ccould count on their children being raised by the woman's husband.

Birth Control has gone a long way to mitigate much of all of this. There are an awful lot of single mothers out there today. This IS helped by the more modern opportunities and financial freedom for many women. Add to that government support.

Thankfully there are DNA tests. But how often are they used?

It is also very natural for a couple to have some children. When they are a certain age then we see the seven year itch kick in. How often we have seen a husbands post start with, "we have been married ten years and we have three amazing children. My wife has started to work out a lot, has gained several male friends and is staying out late ... I don't want to be controlling. I work a lot of hours to take care of my family. I know this means I have not been paying attention to my wife like she needs. Our sex life fell way off after our last child.".

All this said, we do have brains. We should have a solid character. It is a choice. Again I think EAs are pervasive and most folks are ill equipped with poor boundaries, naivete and yes selfishness.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

This "epidemic" hasn't really reached my country yet, but looking at your average american situation why shouldn't they cheat? You take a look at those types of situations in the forum and the media and what you see is that guys are willing to get past it. And then the laws favor women almost every time. You reach to the point where a guy gets completely replaced in the family life for another dude, in the family home, and he still has to pay all sorts of support. This after busting his A$$ working to support his family lifestyle.

They face absolutely no consequences. Whereas men can become weekend dads and take a huge financial hit.


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## NatashaYurino (Jan 2, 2012)

costa200 said:


> This "epidemic" hasn't really reached my country yet, but looking at your average american situation why shouldn't they cheat? You take a look at those types of situations in the forum and the media and what you see is that guys are willing to get past it. And then the laws favor women almost every time. You reach to the point where a guy gets completely replaced in the family life for another dude, in the family home, and he still has to pay all sorts of support. This after busting his A$$ working to support his family lifestyle.
> 
> They face absolutely no consequences. Whereas men can become weekend dads and take a huge financial hit.


Perhaps the culture influences too. Here in Brazil cheating is indeed becoming an epidemic, both for males and females. 

However I have to be honest and say that since Brazil is a latin country, "machismo" does play a big part on how people perceive infidelity. 

A while ago a rather famous actress ended her marriage because she fell for some other guy. Nobody knows if cheating was involved, only that her husband is seen as a great family guy and she still wanted a divorce. Anyway, most men here came down pretty hard on her for it. 

Yet about a week or so later some rather incriminating photos of a famous married singer kissing and cuddling another woman showed up in the media, and most men defended him. 

Saying that he worked really hard for his success and that the main goal most men want to achieve with being successful is get women, not ONE woman. They said that he earned the right to get some outside his marriage. 

Here in Brazil the laws that regulate child support are not as "severe" as in America and that does impact hugely on how most men aren't that afraid of their wives leaving them when they cheat. The wife in the majority of cases ends up raising the family all by herself. Here I am talking mostly about the average men and women, because for celebrities it's a different story.

Like I said women are cheating A LOT in Brazil now a days too, but because of "machismo", male infidelity still is perceived as normal and natural and that's why a man's cheating is more forgivable. But a woman's infidelity is seen as one of the worst sins a woman can commit against a man's honor.

And as a result many men here in Brazil encourage cheating in their group of friends while demanding utter fidelity and respect from their gfs and wives.

PS.: No man bashing was intended, just giving my two cents about how infidelity is perceived in my country.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

blame the liberal media for flooding the airwaves with content that goes against every fabric of marality while justifying it under the notion of freedom of expression. Even kids TV stations depics CHILDREN two timing each other and infidelity, sex etc...


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

michzz said:


> I really don't think that women are cheating at greater frequency than any time in the last 1,000 years or much longer.
> 
> Just because someone has noticed it just points to their lack of awareness.


:scratchhead:

Did they have Facebook and burner phones in the Bronze Age? What about cars and airplanes?

It's a fact that women did NOT cheat as much back then as they do now. They didn't have the means and the opportunity.

(Your observation might be true if you limit it to the last fifty years - but 1000 years is quite the stretch.)


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

aston said:


> blame the liberal media for flooding the airwaves with content that goes against every fabric of marality while justifying it under the notion of freedom of expression. Even kids TV stations depics CHILDREN two timing each other and infidelity, sex etc...


There, I fixed it for you.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Hey everyone, first post here.

It is a similar situation in my country. Infidelity seems to be higher than ever. Of course it is hard to say if this is really the case of just our biased perception, since reliable studies are really hard to come across. I noticed that I personally know more and more people that either cheating or were cheated on. One was my high school acquaintance. He committed suicide after finding out that his wife cheated on him, although that was not the only reason for it.
I guess less and less people think seriously or have any respect for marriage. And they are fed crap like this from the media: The recipe for happiness? An enduring marriage and an affair with lots of sex

And here is the hard part… Some weeks ago I was notified that my parents are divorcing. The reason was that my mother cheated on my father 10 years ago. I was 15 at that time and my brother and sister were 12 and 9, respectively. At that time my father decided that he will stay for the kids and they didn’t tell us anything. Although we kind of noticed that he wasn’t very affectionate towards my mother, guess it makes sense now. 

I really don’t know what to think of it. I live in another country than my parents and I only spoken to them on the telephone. Will speak with them in person when I am visiting on Christmas. Only cried about it the first day I found out, now I am just emotionally empty. My sister is taking it very badly; she started screaming at my mother and almost physically attacked her. Fortunately, my brother was there to stop her.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

NatashaYurino said:


> Perhaps the culture influences too. Here in Brazil cheating is indeed becoming an epidemic, both for males and females.
> 
> However I have to be honest and say that since Brazil is a latin country, "machismo" does play a big part on how people perceive infidelity.
> 
> ...


Olá, saudações do outro lado do Atlântico!

Well, you also have all that Carnival killing spree going that is kinda hard to understand from the outside. Apparently people tend to forget that they have relationships during that period and then end up dealing with some serious consequences!


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## NatashaYurino (Jan 2, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Olá, saudações do outro lado do Atlântico!
> 
> Well, you also have all that Carnival killing spree going that is kinda hard to understand from the outside. Apparently people tend to forget that they have relationships during that period and then end up dealing with some serious consequences!


Saudações meu amigo!

You couldn't be any more right about people kind of going crazy around carnival time in Brazil. It seems that in that time of the year people's sense of right or wrong becomes very much loose.

Many women and men believe that carnival is a moment in which you are allowed to let go of your inhibitions and just go for it, whatever it may be. Many people do engage in sexual practices that are very similar to accient Rome's orgies or something. Stuff they usually would not take part on.

Many commit infidelity around carnival, with the excuse that they have been really "good" most of the year and so earned the right to cut a little loose, just to relax. Most people also rationalize that it's all just one moment in time and that it should not affect the relationship.

The media does not help either. Not too long ago there was an article on Yahoo Brazil that asked the question "Carnival, is it possible to have fun as a couple?" Pretty much saying that enjoying carnival with your significant other would be rather boring and that it's fine if you commit an indiscretion or two, no big deal.

That's why a part of me does not like carnival at all. It casts this image that Brazil is a place where there no morals and that anything goes, no questions asked no answers needed. As long as you had a good time that's all that matters, the he** with the consequences.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Very good points.


Thanks… as were yours as well.

What people need to realize is that human beings didn't evolve from the same "spray and pray" reproductive strategy of lower animals. We survived *because of*, rather than *in spite of* our intellectual abilities. Our frontal cortex is analogous to the male peac0ck’s tail feathers.

So when I see people saying "Oh well, it’s just our 'lizard brain' in action," I imagine a male peac0ck shedding his tail feathers to make it easier to mate with as many peahens as possible. If that were really what the peahen wanted she woulda gone for the ostrich instead.

Likewise, somewhere along the line our great^1000 grandmother decided that the clever but weaker, hairless but nurturing male primate might make a better father than the old silverback primate. And, unless you hate being a human being, you have to admit, she was right.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

aston said:


> blame the liberal media for flooding the airwaves with content that goes against every fabric of marality while justifying it under the notion of freedom of expression. Even kids TV stations depics CHILDREN two timing each other and infidelity, sex etc...


You mean the awful content that goes against every fabric of marality while justifying it under the notion of freedom of expression that was pioneered by Fox? I agree.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Many commit infidelity around carnival, with the excuse that they have been really "good" most of the year and so earned the right to cut a little loose, just to relax. Most people also rationalize that it's all just one moment in time and that it should not affect the relationship.


Fascinating, in a bad way...


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> There, I fixed it for you.


Thanks :lol:


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> You mean the awful content that goes against every fabric of marality while justifying it under the notion of freedom of expression that was pioneered by Fox? I agree.


Very much so....I actually think it might have started way before Fox.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Labcoat said:


> Meh. Every one of our ancestors not only reproduced, but also nurtured a baby into a mature adult.
> 
> We are biologically programmed to a) survive, b) reproduce, and c) *ensure the survival of our offspring*. Anyone forgetting (c) and telling you that we are biologically programmed to run around mindlessly making babies probably hasn’t cracked a biology text book.


Random thoughts...

Maybe I was misunderstood a little, or we may be looking at the same picture just from different view points...

No one said anything about people mindlessly running around making babies... I'm not one of the 'sky is falling' types. Clearly our human directives include instincts to raise our children thus insuring the survival of our species. 

That directive has not changed, however one of the other directives you mention 'mating' is a much more powerful drive. With the evolution of civilization, and a decrease in the necessity for as much involvement on the part of both parents to protect off spring from naturally occurring threats (e.g.; not many woolly mammoths waiting to eat our kids, and less need to chop firewood to keep our caves warm) I would argue that our genetic drive and _need_ to participate _as a family unit_ has decreased over these hundreds or thousands of years, hell even more so over the last handful of generations... 

Biologically, I would speculate the production of the chemical oxytoxin which has largely responsible for this drive has decreased over hundreds of generations... I would also argue that the production of the neurotransmitters dopamine and/or PEA have increased in across the same extended timeframe. As has been proven… Technology, drugs and any number of other 'advancements' we have made as a civilization do stimulate the over production of this chemical driver (dopamine) in our brains.

So my thought is...What we have done is swung the balance even if it's only slightly... Hence, we have seen both an increase in infidelity and a documented decline of family values. The unintentional product of meeting changes in our 'evolutionary needs'. Basically, we want and seek more pleasure and have less need to protect and participate _as a family unit_ in the nurturing of our offspring.

We aren’t really disagreeing, I’m just clarifying these random thoughts that run through my head, and I think I could make a compelling argument that this is logical. I don't need to be right or wrong about it, but does make some sense to me, and I am driven to understand.


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