# My husband wants me to masterbate



## zoey4279 (Jul 27, 2011)

I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????


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## Parrothead (Jul 4, 2011)

zoey4279 said:


> I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????


Wow...excuse me if these questions have already been answered, but..

Why don't you show him how to masterbate you?

Why don't you get him to go down on you, then have intercourse?


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

My wife also does not O through intercourse. She just can’t. So, here is where foreplay comes into the picture. Over the years we have done various things to get her off before we have intercourse. These things have changed over the years. It used to be oral, but now has evolved to some toy play and g-spot stimulation. I don’t let this bother me at all. I love to see her get off. And nothing in this world feels better than to start having sex just after she gets hers.

I’ll also second that watching a woman masturbate is super hot.

You two just need to communicate in a very open and honest way. After all, sex is supposed to be fun. It is not something to be nervous or embarrassed about. If one thing does not work for you just try something else. Have fun with it….it’s time well spent


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Oh, and my wife just said to light a candle or leave the bathroom light on if you feel funny about doin it with the lights on


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Mutual masturbation is HOT.... it can lead to orgasm, or can be done as foreplay. 

If you are shy with the lights on (which I don't quite understand, because you get naked with h, you sleep with him, you have sex with him.... you get very intimate, but only in the dark? How do you have sex in the day time? Blindfolds?) ....anyway, wear a negligee or something sexy. Accentuate your best assets. 

Maybe dare yourself to do it, something to psyche yourself up sexually. I think you have to take some "risks" (for lack of a better word) to improve or add to your sex life.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi Zoey ~

I'll take a slightly different tack than the other responses. You sound like you are suffering from performance anxiety - your comment about 'drying right up' is basically no different than the kind of performance anxiety men feel that causes them to lose erections when under pressure.

I think you and your husband just need to take more time, and for you to not focus solely on obtaining an orgasm, but try to focus instead on the wonderful sensations of the journey.

There are a lot of good books on the subject. Look through these and start to arm yourself with information. Also, talk with your husband about this - some of his actions or re-actions may be contributing greatly to your situation and you should be free to discuss this with him.

Amazon.com: female orgasm: Books

God speed.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Hi Zoey ~
> 
> I'll take a slightly different tack than the other responses. You sound like you are suffering from performance anxiety - your comment about 'drying right up' is basically no different than the kind of performance anxiety men feel that causes them to lose erections when under pressure.
> 
> ...


Sounds plausible to me. Also for the op you are definitely not alone. My wife cannot orgasm through vaginal alone toys, me , it doesn't matter. She must have clitoral stimulation......we have the best vibrators $$ can buy and she prefers her 2 fingers hands down. 

With all that said our sex life is a blast mutual, foreplay, oral, toys, etc but orgasm through penetration or oral is rarer than rare. Best of luck communication is key!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alg1208 (Jul 29, 2011)

couple of suggestions...

If he wants you to masturbate but you aren't comfortable with him just sitting there starting (that would be a bit awkward I'd think) why don't you have him sit or lay next to you and have his hand on yours while you do it? This is something I would love for my wife to do. She has masturbated for me in the past but not in several years and I'd like for her to do it again. 

Also if you're not having an orgasm from intercourse why not try oral? If you can have one from masturbating you can have one from him going down on you. It may take him a few tries to really get the hang of it. Heck it took me forever to realize what worked and didn't work. But now its a pretty regular part of our sex life and one in which we both enjoy.


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## EvanderS (Jul 1, 2011)

Totally agree with Enchantment. 

The Female Orgasm is like trying to find a leprechaun. This is because men put pressure on women to cum in the same way that they understand it as a way of proving that they are alright, doing something right, or to satisfy a fetish.

The Female Orgasm is like trying to pet a strange cat. If you aproach it... it runs away. If you ignore it... it comes looking for attention.

Agree with Enchantment... I think you and your husband need to expand your ideas, become more accepting of what it is, and to explore different territories.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

zoey4279 said:


> I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????



You can! Yeah its embarrassing at first but you need to break through the barrier of being embarrassed about these things with your mate. I would suggest a bottle of white Zinfandel together and y'all have fun. The next morning you will say I can't believe I did that buttttttt! guess what you have broken that good girl barrier. 

You need to be a bad girl sometimes! Come on you can do it. Once you break through that you can start teaching him what trips your trigger. He needs that input from you. He really doesn't know. You girls are a lot more complicated sexually than we are.


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## lovelylita (Dec 7, 2012)

zoey4279 said:


> I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????


My husband and I have a pretty good sex life. It's gotten better now that we are empty nesters. I have been able to have orgasm during intercourse in missionary and not just on top. When we have sex, I tell him that I will get myself to orgasm, just let me feel it. When I have sex, I have it in my head. I like to talk nasty to him and hear him reply. That gets me real hot to hear me say it and him like it. Up until a few years ago, I was always very easy to get lubed up real quick but now that I am going through menopause, it takes a little work for me. I have to let go and really feel his mouth & hands on my body. Because, for me, sex isn't just about getting to orgasm but what I am doing to get there. When I am really lubed up and having intercourse, I focus on the sensation of feeling him moving in and out in me. This makes me loosen up and I start responding in kind. Tune into your senses of hearing & touch. Cumming together is great and we can do it but that's not our focus going into it. The focus is for me to please him and him to please me. We both understand that and respect that. But communication is the key to a good sex life. 

Be good & nasty!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm sure you can find the statistic on the internet but I think only something like 1 in 4 women can orgasm from PIV sex alone.


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## lovelylita (Dec 7, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm sure you can find the statistic on the internet but I think only something like 1 in 4 women can orgasm from PIV sex alone.


Yes, I am aware. But feeling it and moving with are one in the same to achieve that. Some women feel uncomfortable with that missionary position primarily because the man puts all his weight on top her, which can make you feel like you can't breath. For me, I simply adjust my husband to a position that is comfortable for both and we engage. I actually like reaching orgasm that way. But that is for me. The brain is the primary sex organ. It has to be stimulated, as well. Hence, the reference to feel & hearing.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It doesn't mean it's not a worthy goal. My only point was the OP shouldn't be too hard on herself. Many women can't orgasm that way. Sometimes taking away the expectation can make it easier to achieve. Aside from that there are many ways to have sex aside from PIV.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

I like the suggestion of a couple of drinks. Nothing too serious just enough to drop those inhibitions.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Tango said:


> I like the suggestion of a couple of drinks. Nothing too serious just enough to drop those inhibitions.


This helps quite a bit especially with my Mrs. She often is much more willing to discuss or playout our fantasies when all her inhibition is gone and of course alcohol ( even a little bit ) will loosen her up


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I like the few drinks idea too. As you know, sometimes the more you think/talk about something the more you focus on it and the more difficult or stressful it is. Maybe stop thinking. Some night after watching a movie together and a few glasses of (insert you favorite beverage etc) take his hand, lead him into the bedroom, turn the lights off and be hedons together. Go slow.....with no expectation and no pressure. He probably need to hear that more then you do.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My GF rarely orgasms through intercourse alone. But her success rate is about 99% if she uses a small bullet vibe on herself during intercourse. We use a WeVibe Tango. I don't put my full weight on her, but support my upper body with my arms extended. This gives us enough distance for us to look at each other without going cross-eyed, as well as giving her the room to do her thing.

C


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## IsItme71 (Dec 9, 2012)

How about trying this, after you initiate, take control, tell him he must watch and not touch, bust out with your moves and get yourself into position where your about to cum, tell him what to do, oral,intercourse,ect!!! make him take the wheel and bring it home,even if you get yours continue till he gets his also, stay with it, You and He will feel just what the both of you need!!! RELEASE


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## Longtime married (Nov 28, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Longtime married (Nov 28, 2012)

The wife and I were in the same boat for quite a few years. Over the years we tried several thingsbut the one thing we did learn to do was for me to perform oral on her to the point of her orgasm starting. Then I enter herald it pushes her over the edge. She can now orgasm regularly through intercourse but if she thinks that will not happen we go back to my performing oral again.

As far as watching my wife masturbate, I'll agree there is nothing hotter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Agree completely with Enchantment. 

You're having performance anxiety in masturbating in front of him. That's translated into anxiety during sex with him. But you can still climax regularly through masturbation alone. 

You seem to be okay with recording him masturbating. Why not give him a private show? I'm thinking just of the top of my head here, but go with me. Why not record yourself when he's not home and then give the recording to him? Set the camera up in your bedroom, then forget about it. Make your self comfortable, have a glass of wine, read something to get yourself aroused, all with the camera running. Then, when you're relaxed and ready to enjoy yourself, maturbate the way you would normally. When you're done, show him the recording. Watch it with him, or surprise him when he's out of town by sending him the video through email?

Just a thought.


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## dontgetit (Dec 16, 2012)

My wife had never had an orgasm with another guy before we got together. What I did and worked perfectly was to go down on her and while performing oral, I took her hand and put it there. It took a minute or two for her to be comfortable, but then she was like a duck to water. So now, we will have some light foreplay, make love a while, ill stop and go down on her at some point when I'm close, and when she orgasms, then she'll say come here or get back inside me and she will have multiple orgasms vaginally and then we orgasm together. We are both very happy with our sex life. Hope that helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

You guys just need to experiment and he needs to grow a thicker skin. It's not the end of the world if you don't orgasm and have to masterbate later. The sun still comes up tomorrow. He makes it seem like something's broken but really you just haven't figured out what works best.

This pressure to think it has to happen is not going to help anything. Try new things and when it happens it happens. Until then be two people who love each other being intimate together without stressful expectations.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I suggest a Hitachi magic wand with lots of Lube,turn that baby on lay back after a glass of wine and it will not take long.


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