# Husband Resenting Wife



## Bulldog1981 (Feb 19, 2010)

Hello Everyone! I am need of some serious communication help. To give you a little background, I am a 28 yr old male. I have been married for 2 1/2 yrs, we dated along time prior to getting married. My issues for resentment grow out of the following.

1. All of my life I have been a huge dog lover. I have had dogs all of my life. When I invisioned getting married, one thing I really looked forward to was getting a dog, my dog. With that in mind, I read books, went to shows, got all excited about eventually "growing" up. During the time we dated, my wife knew how I felt about getting a dog. She was very supportive and on board with it. She would buy me dog books, go with me to dog shows etc. Well once we got married, her mind completely changed. She wants a dog, a small dog, but whenever she is ready. NO matter how hard I try she shoots me down. The breed I want, and have had my eyes set on would be taken care of by me. She knew where I stood all along. She didn't care prior to getting married.

2. My wife is a only child. ITs always been about her. She is the sweetest, most caring women I know, but when decisions are to be made it always has to be her way. If she doesn't want something, no matter how much I would rather have it, it has to be her way. I try and make her happy as much as I can, as a result she gets what she wants 90% of the time.


3. I don't care what she wants, or does with her time. If she wants something and feels its worth it, then I have no problem letting her do it. As long as it makes her happy. However, the treatment isn't returned. Whether its her giving me slack for going hunting, me wanting a friend to come over but she doesnt want them to because the house isn't clean. All these little things add up. She always has reasons for why she feels a certain way, but at some point isn't my happiness important to her? Yeah, you may not want that dog now, but what would be the big problem if its in the backyard, taken care of my be (I take great care of my dogs), or whats the big deal if my friend comes over, he doesn't care one way or another if theres dishes in the sink, whats the big deal if I go hunting? Your not going, you wont see any pictures or hear any stories? Whats the big deal if the elliptical machine is one foot bigger then what you want, whoopty freakin do.

All these things may seem stupid to you, but when stuff starts to add up, it starts to eat at me. I am starting to resent my wife as a result

All of this is complicated by the fact that she isn't evil or hateful when she does these things. She does it in a sweet manner that makes it hard for me to defend. She is a very sensative women as wel, which doesn't help, because it kills me to see her upset. Am I being unreasonable? Any help communicating would be greatl Thanks so much.


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

The two of you are very creative in finding irrelevant nothings to disagree about.

What is the real problem? Are you failing all the fitness tests that your wife sends your way?

You may need to "man up".


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

It certainly does sound as if you need to communicate with her. Let her know of your feelings of resentment, in a non-blaming way. Use I statements and have suggestions in regard to how to compromise. Then, choose a time that is calm when you can sit down and talk with her. You may be afraid to hurt her feelings, but it's not fair to hide resentments that may continue to build and end up damaging your relationship more than what it is right now.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I see this so often. You do know where the term "P.W" comes from? 

You need to take lessons from your wife and start making some demands of your own. I wouldn't put up with this crap from my husband and I KNOW he'd never put up with it from me. 

Tell her how you feel and be prepared to make some compromises, but don't let her walk all over you like she has. It'll only get worse once you have kids.


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## Bulldog1981 (Feb 19, 2010)

Thanks for the replies. I work in law enforcement, and have no problem laying down the law, its just when she starts getting all emotional, I back off. It would be a lot easier for me if she was combative (verbally) when she does all of the things I talk about.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There's a great book you should read. It's called Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S. and you can get it at Help for Men, Mentor for Men, Men's Groups, Relationship Advice, Life Coach. It teaches you how to get what YOU want out of your marriage while still ensuring that your wife gets what she wants, too.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well heck, people get emotional. Sounds like she has that figured out and knows how to keep you in line. Just throw a fit and he'll back down. Works well, eh?  

So let her pitch a fit. Walk out of the room if you have to if she starts going crazy on you. Trust me, it works really well and tends to deflate the situation. 

First of all, I'd start with the dog. She said she was OK with you getting the dog before and now she's changed her mind. I'd tell her that isn't fair and you are going to go ahead with what you both agreed on and get the dog. Not getting the dog is making you quite resentful and angry and that's not going to do your relationship any good either. Doesn't she care how you feel? Why should you be the only who cares?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I agree. She agreed to a dog. Get one. Tell her ahead of time, but get what YOU want.


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