# i need advice...



## Donny (Jun 27, 2013)

Its been a month since my wife left me. i love her dearly and want nothing more than to have her back as my wife. we have been married for 6 years this past April and have a wonderful 2 yrs old girl. i have tried everything i know how to change her mind. i don't understand what went wrong. we always had such a loving and caring relationship. very supportive of each other and very close. she says she doesnt love me the same way any more.everyone around us is flabbergasted. everyone always told us they looked up to us as a couple. she says its because i lost sight of my obligations as a father, husband and a man. i dont understand how that could be. i know i havent worked in a year. its not that i didnt want too. i went back to school to work on getting my associates degree. we talked about it before a decision was made. i havent been hounding her to come back. i have been giving her space, sending her the occasional "i hope you are having a good day" text. i just dont want to push her further away. at the same time i dont want her to think that i dont care by not putting in the effort. im lost, i truly feel torn apart by this. it seems like a few months ago she was so happy to be a family. always say to family and friends how wonderful i husband and father i was. i dont know what changed or how to change it back. i suggested marriage counseling but she refuses. says it will just stretch out her unhappiness. i just want my family back and i am at a loss on what to do. any advice?


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I feel for you. 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Boundaries---Save-Your-Marriage-or-Relationship&id=542526

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html

Maybe these will help.


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## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

Donny, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Can you flesh this out with some more details because it just isn't coming together for me. You went back to school and aren't working. Obviously that is going to create financial issues and put more pressure on her. But did she really just up and leave you out of the blue? She didn't approach you and say "this is too hard, I need you to go back to work?" Is there anything else going on? Were you taking care of your daughter and the house or were you spending your out of school time doing your own thing? What are we missing?


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

There is definitely more to this story than has been said. Women don't typically just up and leave for no reason. They also often struggle to be direct about their feelings, but I'm sure she left a lot of hints along the way. Unfortunately, it is often when they walk out that we finally realize how bad things have gotten, which is what seems to be what has happened with you. Usually by that time, she has built up the strength/resolve to push forward with ending the marriage and to ward off any efforts you might make to stop her, but now is the time to do everything you can to be introspective and understand where you went wrong and what you can do to correct YOU.

And yes, not working for a year sounds like a huge relationship red flag, especially for the husband. Go get a job. If you are in school, stay in school and work nights or whenever you can. Maybe that is unrelated to her leaving but I'm 99% confident that has been part of the issue.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Just read your posts in the other forum sections. It looks pretty darn clear that there is another guy involved. Women require security, they cling to it, and they won't readily leave it without a darn good reason or if they have another source of security already lined up. Since she hasn't made a "pretty darn good reason" clear to you yet (like drug/alcohol addiction, physical abuse, gambling, being a dead beat, child abuser, etc.) then I'm feeling 95% positive that this is a case of her having found a new guy.

I'd wager that she's been unhappy for a long time, maybe by your actions or in-action, or that combined with depression, post-partum or otherwise. That can leave a woman very, very vulnerable to another guy, where all he needs to do is lend a listening ear or offer even the simplest of compliments for her to feel a wave of good feelings wash over her. Like feeling valued, attractive, worthwhile, cared for, etc. It's like a drug, and it doesn't take long for it to lead her astray.


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