# The Female That Refuses to Let the Male have Friends?



## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Way back in high school time, I had become friends with this one guy, him and I went out for 1 week, then went our separate ways. After graduating high school, he ended up with this one girl, and she disliked the fact, that me and her guy/my old friend/ex-boyfriend from high school, would talk on and off over the years. But she only didn't like me, she disliked any other female, he interacted with at all. She wouldn't allow him to be friends with any females, let alone males, and was super crazy.

Anyway she cut off connection between him and I online a few years ago, but recently I found him again online and decided to hit him up, and chat, and thats all we did, was talk about told times and how our lives were going, he married that same girl and they had kids and everything.

But this is what she sent me, when she logged onto his social media accounts, and saw him and I talking, 

"Congratulations ***** you ruined our ****ing relationship AGAIN ! WHY DI YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A ****ING HOMEWRECKER ! WHY CANT YOU ****ING LEAVE US ALONE YOU KNOW I HATE YOUR ***** ASS SELF SO WHY CONTINUE TO TALK TO MY HUSBAND ?! GO ****ING BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM FOR A FEW YEARS WHY NOW DO YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN WANNA TALK TO HIM ? THIS IS WHY YOUR RELATIONSHIPS FAIL BECAUSE YOUR A LOW LIFE ****ER WHO DOESNT GIVE A **** ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF ! WHEN WILL YOU GET THE HINT ? WHEN I FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER ON YOUR ASS ? SERIOUSLY **** OFF ! YOU DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT JONATHAN ! I DO ! SO BE A ****ROACH AND LEAVE THIS IS MY LAST WARNING TO YOU I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR UGLY LITTLE ***** ASS SELF EVER AGAIN ! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR ? IF NOT I WILL MAKE SURE YOU DO THROUGH THE COPS ! NOW GOODBYE ***** AND MOVE THE **** ON YOUR OLD NEWS SO STOP COMING BACK !"

What do you think of her reaction?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do you know how many affairs start because someone starts chatting on FB with an old friend? LOTS LOTS LOTS. You are the "old friend".

She has a point. Why after all these years are you now contacting him, when you did not care about his all the in between years?

Leave it be. If you find old friends are married, tell them you wish them well and stop contacting them. 

On a related note, how is the online dating going? Did you get your profile done and posted? Any dates lined up?

You really should chat with SMG15. You and he think alike, in a good way. Send him a private message.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

He apparently likes drama, otherwise he wouldn't have married her. I'd leave them alone though, to be honest. It doesn't sound like it's a friendship worth having all this drama, and if she is ''crazy,'' she sounds like she could bring trouble into your life. Not worth it to me. If he wants to stay in a dysfunctional relationship, that is on him. He can leave, he's not being held prisoner. lol


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Trashy, but honest and straightforward. You already knew she didn't want you talking to her husband. She has the right to be jealous when her husband is talking to old girlfriends who are single and lonely.
You should respect her wishes and leave her husband alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

nataly87 said:


> Way back in high school time, I had become friends with this one guy, him and I went out for 1 week, then went our separate ways. After graduating high school, he ended up with this one girl, and she disliked the fact, that me and her guy/my old friend/ex-boyfriend from high school, would talk on and off over the years. But she only didn't like me, she disliked any other female, he interacted with at all. She wouldn't allow him to be friends with any females, let alone males, and was super crazy.
> 
> Anyway she cut off connection between him and I online a few years ago, but recently I found him again online and decided to hit him up, and chat, and thats all we did, was talk about told times and how our lives were going, he married that same girl and they had kids and everything.
> 
> ...


Wow, that is impressive!

How can you not laugh at that? lol

Anyway the way I handle that is to respect their wishes. Remember, it is also his choice to cut contact with you. It's not your problem.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

What does forbidden fruit mean to you?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I'd say for the record that..................she's pissed. Best thing to do is heed the advice and leave it alone. If you think she was ugly with you, just imagine what your old BF is getting. I pity that guy.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> You really should chat with SMG15. You and he think alike, in a good way. Send him a private message.


That's hardly a compliment. SMG15 is not a balanced person. To put it nicely.

I can't believe you would recommend anyone date that guy.

--

To the OP: Her reaction is a little over the top. But I don't know who you are, or what you've done in the past, so perhaps her words are justified. Maybe you're a psycho, and have tried to split their home. I don't know.

Regardless, she is right. Opposite sex friends are not a good idea. That is how a majority of affairs start. So she is very wise to just never go down that road. Back off and leave them be.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

BioFury said:


> That's hardly a compliment. SMG15 is not a balanced person. To put it nicely.
> 
> I can't believe you would recommend anyone date that guy.
> 
> ...



Why not. I thought that was a splendid idea.

They are a match made in...well, they're a match :grin2:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Vivid imagination.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> Way back in high school time, I had become friends with this one guy, him and I went out for 1 week, how many dates did that amount to? then went our separate ways. so were you friends for the remaining time in high school? After graduating high school, he ended up with this one girl, and she disliked the fact, that me and her guy/my old friend/ex-boyfriend from high school, would talk on and off over the years. What do you talk about? and how often? But she only didn't like me, she disliked any other female, he interacted with at all. So you're sure then, it wasn't you, it was her...... She wouldn't allow him to be friends with any females, let alone males, and was super crazy. in your opinion.....
> 
> Anyway she cut off connection between him and I online a few years ago, but recently I found him again online and decided to hit him up, and chat, and thats all we did, was talk about told times and how our lives were going, he married that same girl and they had kids and everything. Passive-aggressive, are you? You'll show her that she's not the boss of you and her husband.
> 
> ...


Very measured.


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## Venessa Hodge (Jun 1, 2016)

I think she is overreacting, but I know some girls are like that. I am sure that she don't trust her partner and I believe that relationship with trust issues cannot survive for a longer period of time. You do what you feel right


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

He cut you off (yeah, the whole 'my gf made me do it' thing is the same as 'my dog ate my homework') and you go and look for him again and 'hit him up'? Honestly sounds a bit pathetic. Ever think of maybe just letting it go?

As for her, well, she made her bed, that's her problem.


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

I am impressed with the many ways to use ####.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Therapy STAT



For you that is OP.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Holland said:


> Therapy STAT
> 
> 
> 
> For you that is OP.


Agree. I'm wondering how many of these threads OP is going to start.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Agree. I'm wondering how many of these threads OP is going to start.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing better to do I guess :grin2:


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> What do you think of her reaction?


She pretty much reacted the way I did when an ex boyfriend of my wife reached out to her to "say hello". If she doesn't want her husband to have opposite sex friends, you need to respect that. The thing is you knew this already and reached out anyway. Why? Not too smart of you.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Her reaction is a bit over the top, but bravo to her for aggressively protecting her marriage. She may have just prevented her imbecile husband from eventually making an irreversible mistake.

I agree with her that an ex who contacts a married ex for "correspondence" is a low life. Take a good hard look in the mirror. Whatever you claim to be seeking, look for it somewhere else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

The Middleman said:


> Not to smart of you.


No kidding...couple of nuts and bolts loose and not just in the brain

You came here for advice, well honestly if you are not related to SMG; you should shoot him a private message. He may be the one you have been staying pure for. 

What do you have to Loose? He may Very well be your soulmate!


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

*OP:*

Your post reminds me of a *former *female friend of my husband as well as an *ex-girlfriend* of my husband who just could not or refused to let go.

First... my husband's former female friend

She was a neighbor of his. She was casually dating a male friend of his who lived at the same apartment complex the two of them lived at. One day back in 2011 while he was getting his mail she saw him and asked him to come over to her place later that day because she wanted to talk to him about something very important. Turns out according to her the guy she was casually dating tried to take advantage of her while she was spending time alone with him at his place. She wanted his help regarding dealing with what happened as well as how it made her feel. She had him promise that he help her with this. During this time my husband and I were just getting to know each-other. So he agreed to help her as a friend.

He gave her his cell phone number, his home phone number, and he showed her how to text him. He thought there would not be any problems with his helping her as well as his giving her his cell phone number as well as showing her how to text. 

But there were problems.

Many times while I was staying at his place she would call him on his cell phone number or text him letting him know that she needed his help. She would also text him at night asking him if he was available to come over to her place because she needed his help. The times that he responded to her texts stating that he was busy she would continue texting him asking him if he was doing this, or that. It got to the point that it was irritating to me. 

She wanted his help with her problems. It seemed to me that he was the only one who could solve her problems when she should have been solving them on her own without relying on him.

She would also invite him over to his place to spend time alone with him while we were dating. This happened several times. She also invited him over to her place to have dinner with her and her parents, but he ended up getting sick, and so he did not go. The entire time this was happening, she kept on saying that he was only a friend to her. But my women's intuition was telling me something very different regarding her. 

When my husband and I got engaged, I told him that his friendship with her had to change for me to be his fiance. She did not want to accept the changes. That told me that there was more than friendship on her end. She had a very difficult time letting go of my husband, but she had to. She ended up moving out of the apartment complex we live at.

As for the ex-girlfriend.

The two of them went out for a couple of months around 2001. When my husband and I were dating, after we got engaged, and after we got married, she would e-mail him or leave him voice mail stating that she loved him, she missed him, he is the best, and so on. Since we had caller id, my husband would block the many phone numbers she would call from, but that did not stop her from contacting my husband. He even sent her an e-mail stating to stop contacting him, but she would not take no for an answer. I ended up sending her *several *Facebook personal messages from her personal Facebook page to back off. She finally backed off earlier this year... 5 years after my husband and I started dating each-other.

So yes, your backing off is important.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

She said you ruined their relationship AGAIN? 
What was the first incident? 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

All I wanted to do was say hello and see how he and his girl was doing, why is that so wrong with catching up with old friends.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> All I wanted to do was say hello and see how he and his girl was doing, why is that so wrong with catching up with old friends.


Because he is MARRIED and there were already issues that you KNEW she didn't want you interacting with him. I say GOOD FOR HER for taking a strong stance, more people should do that!

Nataly, you have a LOT of growing up to do!


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> All I wanted to do was say hello and see how he and his girl was doing, why is that so wrong with catching up with old friends.


Then you need to talk to both of them. Both of them need to be included in the chat.

Not sending him a personal Facebook chat asking him that.

You are not catching up with old friends when you are chatting with the one of the spouses and the other spouse is not included in the conversation.

When it comes to married couples, you are friends with both of them. You talk to both of them when catching up. 

If all you want to do is to say hi, then just say that and wait for what happens next.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> All I wanted to do was say hello and see how he and his girl was doing, why is that so wrong with catching up with old friends.


Nothing wrong, except when the partner tells you to STOP. You stop. 

Her reaction was over the top, but you do not know how their relationship is, all you see is what he choses to tell you or what you observe.

Let it go, let him go. Do not engage again. 

Btw, I suggest you read about relationships and life in general. 

head over to the Life after Divorce section, then to The SIngles of TAM.

We could give you a LOT of insight.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> What do you think of her reaction?


She has strong boundaries and a fiery disposition.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> All I wanted to do was say hello and see how he and his girl was doing, why is that so wrong with catching up with old friends.


How many messages did you send? Just one?

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> *Nothing wrong, except when the partner tells you to STOP. You stop. *
> 
> Her reaction was over the top, but you do not know how their relationship is, all you see is what he choses to tell you or what you observe.
> 
> ...


*OP:*

Regarding the bolded part in pink...

That is something my husband's former female friend as well as the ex-girlfriend of his whom I mentioned in one of my replies literally had difficulty doing. 

I ended up posting in one of the Facebook personal messages to my husband's ex-girlfriend "what part of no do you 1) not want to get or 2) not want to understand?" after her repeated attempts to contact him and tell him that she loves him.

There is only so much that a significant other or a spouse should put up with regarding opposite sex friends and exes.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

The female that refuses to let male have friends will soon be single.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Unicus said:


> The female that refuses to let male have friends will soon be single.


"Friends" in general yes, which is what the title of the thread would indicate this is about, but its not...its about opposite sex "friends" and all SO's are within rights to establish these boundaries. Especially in this day and age where technology allows for way too much secrecy and lying.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> All I wanted to do was say hello and see how he and his girl was doing, why is that so wrong with catching up with old friends.


Because he is married and his wife doesn't want you to. In other words, you are not welcomed. That's all you need to know.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Unicus said:


> The female that refuses to let male have friends will soon be single.


No friends? ... Or just this one particular opposite sex friend. If my wife insists on staying friends with an ex-boyfriend or a male that I'm not comfortable with, you can bet your ass she will soon be single ... and not by her choice.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> Her reaction is a bit over the top, but bravo to her for aggressively protecting her marriage. She may have just prevented her imbecile husband from eventually making an irreversible mistake.


I dunno.... I don't see anything commendable here. All chewing him out will do is teach him to cover his tracks better.

I've always been of the mindset that playing warden shouldn't be part of the job description of being a spouse. 

Maybe she should be far more concerned with why her husband is having "secret" conversations with an ex gf.

If I had to play prison guard, I'd rather just walk away. With no trust you have no marriage. You have a prison sentence.

And @nataly87.... you deserved that. Go find another friend, instead of trolling for exs. 1 week or 1 year he's still an ex.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I suspect the wife just saw the message and went apesh it on Nataly and saved a wtf for her husband. He didn't respond. No need to scold him.
Nataly, however....,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Poor grammar.

Even worse punctuation.

I hope he dumps her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> and all SO's are within rights to establish these boundaries.


Really? What about the guy, doesn't he have any rights? Don't actual intentions matter?

There's a difference btwn people being friends (who also happen to be of the opposite gender), and being on the prowl for nookie. Everytime a guy and a gal talk doesn't mean they're looking for sex or something romantic. 

It's been said that men and women cannot have a relationship without sex, do you believe that? Or is the spousal over reaction a clue to another , entirely different issue btwn them, and not the OP?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Unicus said:


> Really? *What about the guy, doesn't he have any rights? * Don't actual intentions matter?
> 
> There's a difference btwn people being friends (who also happen to be of the opposite gender), and being on the prowl for nookie. Everytime a guy and a gal talk doesn't mean they're looking for sex or something romantic.
> 
> It's been said that men and women cannot have a relationship without sex, do you believe that? Or is the spousal over reaction a clue to another , entirely different issue btwn them, and not the OP?


Yes, he has the right to establish the same boundary for her as well. 

And yes, I do believe that men and women can be just friends, in fact, I have had MANY strictly platonic friendships with men in my lifetime. Doesn't mean those are welcome in a relationship though. In the case of the OP here, she knew before she contacted him that it would not be welcome and she did so anyway.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

The fact is, the guy had already told her to stop contacting him and she ignored that and contacted him yet again. No wonder the GF doesn't like her.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Yes, she sounds crazy. But he chose to marry her. If you have any respect for him, then stay out of their marriage.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Way back in high school time, I had become friends with this one guy, him and I went out for 1 week, then went our separate ways. After graduating high school, he ended up with this one girl, and she disliked the fact, that me and her guy/my old friend/ex-boyfriend from high school, would talk on and off over the years. But she only didn't like me, she disliked any other female, he interacted with at all. She wouldn't allow him to be friends with any females, let alone males, and was super crazy.
> 
> Anyway she cut off connection between him and I online a few years ago, but recently I found him again online and decided to hit him up, and chat, and thats all we did, was talk about told times and how our lives were going, he married that same girl and they had kids and everything.
> 
> ...


That you should leave him and her alone....forever.


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