# Therapist Scheduled for next Wednesday...big huge step



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Spent this weekend kid free and had a lot of time to reflect on the past and notice my reactions to things. When it took me 8 hours to work up the nerve to take a shower because I was afraid he might get into the house without me hearing. Or the fact that every time I heard a car door, motorcycle or something go 'bump' outside near the house I went into a panic. 

I am going to use the therapy/psychiatry services offered through the domestic abuse shelter, since anyone else in the area specializing in my situation charges $100 per hour and they don't take insurance(which by the way makes no sense..most women in my situation can't spend 100's of dollars without someone noticing. And I was finding a lot of 'Christian Counseling' services and the last thing I need right now is someone encouraging me to submit to my 'husband's will' because it says so in the Bible...maybe they wouldn't but I just don't have time to play musical couches if that is the solution that they offer. 

While his weapons of choice were usually mental and financial...it had been getting physical toward the end...and my biggest fear is that he left way too easily and he has a gun.

I had been hesitant to go this route for a long time...his business won't survive if he gets a domestic violence/sex offender sticker slapped to his forehead and he is all my stepson has left for a parent...and my own children would be crushed. When I had posted my story on another board...I was sent links to articles on 'stockholm syndrome'....maybe..I read through it and it makes sense to me and for my situation.. I still want to talk to someone before I commit to that though. 

This service seems really aggressive about pressing charges...even offered money from some victim's assistance fund if I did it(that seems ripe for abuse)..and this is only with me talking about the mental abuse...not of the scary stuff...ughhh. I feel like things might get away from me and I'll lose whatever control I have over the situation..but then again maybe they would be taking control away from him by squeezing the whole story out of me and forcing me to put it out there. 

But overall I know I need to take this step to move forward and I am going to force myself to do this for myself and the kids.


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

:smthumbup:​
You are taking a great big step forward by scheduling a meeting with a therapist. I too have been seeking counseling. My husband is also someone who has been verbally and emotionally abusive. He has even started getting physical within these last couple months. And trust me, he should be on the sex offender list. The therapists, counselors, and possibly anyone you choose to confide to, will probably tell you to turn him in. Even just for the verbal abuse etc. Because honey, abuse is abuse. Once we start making excuses for them, we have a hard time stopping. 
Stay strong. I understand what you're going through. Please send me a pvt message anytime, if you don't feel like posting but need someone to talk to. I am so sorry you had to go through any abuse, but now it's your time to heal, and we have to keep believing that we CAN move on, we WILL.

Take Care.


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Thank you. 

He is refusing to work and is ignoring my requests for cash to purchase food and gas...and now my vehicle isn't starting...he screwed around with a starter in the past to 'keep me home'..so now I am wondering if the car is legitimately having issues or if he was here during the night messing with the car....

I am still waiting on food stamps...if he withholds for much longer I am going to go through the domestic abuse shelter with the kids. 

In a way I am glad that he is still being abusive...because I still tend to think I am imagining it or not like I remembered it.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard it would be to live every moment in fear.
I am glad you will be getting some help for yourself.

Just wanted to add- about the christian counseling service, the therapist I see is a christian counselor, and she has never, ever used the Bible or her religious beliefs in my sessions and it's been almost 9 months. I can't speak for all, but I know my therapist is wonderful and she has helped me so much.

I really do wish you the best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Well I had myself all psyched up to spill my guts yesterday and it turned out to be only a file building pre-interview...I don't get to have an actual therapist appt until 10/24, but I did get the attack from Feb added into that file so I cant chicken out next time.

Of course I sat at home wondering if the abuse is all in my head all afternoon...never fear he stopped by to pick up the van for a job at ...7PM..after telling me I was putting him out using the car in the morning cause he had an ALL DAY job scheduled. He made sure that he reminded me that he told the furniture store to come get their sofas, the he demanded a 'move out' date cause he has promised the fridge to a friend.....grrrr. He left and called me asking where the keys were for the building he was working on....as if I would know...so he came back 10 minutes later because I couldn't tell him where the keys were...and stated that since he couldn't find the keys that were entrusted to him he would have to work all weekend to catch up ...so I offered to let him pick up the kids in the evening and drop them off in the morning so he wouldn't lose the whole weekend...he got offended that I wouldn't consider allowing the unbalanced OW to watch my kids. 

Of course he said that he needed the van early today..and didn't show yup until lunch time and then he had new plans for the weekend that involved moving OW's friend..but unless something came up he would pick the kids up on Sunday. 

Let's see what else has he been up to...he coughed up another $100 for gas and groceries...for a grand total of $140 since Aug 26th, my EBT card was still MIA ..turns out while DCF was telling me that it took at least 30 days...the card was actually sent the ay after I put in my application for assistance on Aug 29th...so I had to cancel that card and order a new one....so I have really needed stbxh to step up for bare basics and everything was a drawn out excuse fest....I didn't mean for OW's dad to go to the hospital, I didn't mean for OW's dad to die, on and on and on...and then he breaks into a big long love story about Hospice..never once asking me how I have managed to keep the kids fed for the past month. 

He refused to watch the kids so I could attend the state mandated parenting class required before I file...so now I have to wait another month to file. 

He came over to look at my starter and determined that I had battery issues with corroded terminals...he tinkered got it to start ..tinkered some more and called it fixed...the next morning my car was totally dead he said that OW's battery was now dead and he already replaced her battery was now broke and I would have to wait til he gets paid next month. He made me wait 4 days before eting me know that he planned to replace the battery sooner. And that was an ordeal...he claimed that he had to borrow the cash for the battery and had to wait for a check to clear(while he is 'borrowing' all of this cash he is making no effort to finish any of the jobs that have been waiting on him since AUGUST. So on Tuesday I told him that the kids had a dentist appt at 9:30(real appt time was 10)...I texted him at 8:50 to see if he was on his way with the battery he was supposed to buy the day before or coming over to drop us off.....almost immediately he responded that I woke him up that he overslept....so in the 15 seconds between my text and his ..I woke him up and he texted a full screen paragraph and sent a response..I am convinced that he had been waiting to see when I freaked out and had the message ready to go. So knowing he was an hour+ out..I called the dentist to let them know I would be late...by 20 minutes or so...at 10 I texted and he said he was 'almost at the house' ...15 minutes later I text again and he is at a 4th store 'that morning' looking for the right size battery. I texted that he should come straight to the house drop us off and then look for the battery...then he says that he his his motorcycle..making the original 'drop off plan B' impossible. We ended up being 1 hour late and I had to beg the to see the kids that day...from what I understand instead of working that day he spent the day on his motorcycle. 

Wow long ***** and moan post...bu it helps to accept his behavior as abuse when I write it out and see and have it to refer back to...if you are still reading this ..thanks.


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