# Bf having affair or was



## Hollygolightly13 (Aug 29, 2016)

*ETA: See second convo from April 29 found at end of this page *

I discovered it this morning. But I am not sure of all the details of the sorid affair. Back last spring my bf(who I have a baby with and just had another(micro preemies born in June originally due in Sept) has or has been having an affair. 

I had suspicious back last spring something didn't seem right but after the baby was born due to complications that took over. However, I started noticing some weird behavior like hiding his phone or going outside the room at odd hours. I snooped. 

And there were text messages initiated to a LZ. At first it was as like "hey it's been a while" "let's catch up tomm" then a couple late night texts to her which she didn't respond and then this

H: it's been a while
H: glad, you are up btw
Lz: I know we have been through this you are a man of many secretes, H. 
H:yup and you are a gorgeous woman...sorry that was cheesy. 
Lz: it was but you have been cheesier. Haha
H: I am sorry I can't help that I am attracted to you
Lz: your type always is. That is why you have a brood of children and baby mamas
H: I miss those blue eyes 
Lz: what else do you miss?
H: haha
H: thanks. I am in the shower btw
Lz:what does that mean to me? You want me to sext you up? 
H: haha I love this 
H: yes
H:gulity!!! I have been think about you
H: typing and erasing? 
H:hmmm
LZ: you think after a couple of hi and byes, not telling me your gf was expecting your 4th child and then not talking to me the whole summer,, I am going to be like "omg, I can't stop thinking about how you would feel inside me"
Lz:boy please 

H: wow
H: I just hand a mental picture 
H: sorry going toshower now 
H:let's do lunch next week 

Lz: I am back at work public relations at corporate so lunch it hard 

H:big Kiss you made my night
H: I am super exhausted

LZ: I can meet you for a drink though
H: let's do it 
H: muah 

Lz: no don't go
H: wow, you got me 
H: but I really have to go beAutiful 
H: I am tired 
H: I have missed you
Lz: me too 
H: and yes I am thinking of you


To me this sounds like they might have had a really strong emotional affair. He says she is married. They met up for lunch a few times but it was nothing. But that doesn't seem like nothing. 

I need input

ETA: we have 2 together, 2 from previous marriage and he just admitted that they have had made out sessions/heavy petting but nothin more.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Dump his worthless behind.

And, I would advise you to stop having children with people you're not married to. For your own sake, for the sake of your children, and for the sake of my taxes.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

This is an affair, the entering of the physical side is imminent.

I would say you have a chance to prevent it from getting physical about right now. Confront him and be prepared to get rid of him if you want your relation to be saved. This is your 4th child and not married? Does that mean he has no legal obligations to support you financially?


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## Hollygolightly13 (Aug 29, 2016)

I never thought I would be in this position. I am educated woman and I work at sr. Level in an agency. We just bought a home together. 

Although both blessing both were unplanned. I had severed problem with the second. 

I am up. I can't sleep. I am consumed. I want to know every last sordid detail. 

I know this may sound like a silly questions, but do you think he loves her? It sounds stupid and probably what I should be getting my ducks in a row. But Goddamit, I have a baby in the NiCu. I don't have the strength for this. 

From the text it just seems like she wasn't the type to side piece. It seemed like they had standards. I asked him if he wasn't with me, would he be with her, he said yes. But that is a different reality not the one we are living and when she started demanding more he realized he couldn't continue lying

But idk if I believe him, was it bc I got pregnant and he backed away. Not out of self will. 

I don't think I can Handel this.


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## Hollygolightly13 (Aug 29, 2016)

We have two together and two from his previous marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to lawyer up.

He needs to be out of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hollygolightly13 (Aug 29, 2016)

I am talking to a lawyer on Tuesday about my options. We just bought a house. 

He keeps saying sorry and that when the baby was born he creased all contact but relapsed. 

He just doesn't seem remorseful. I looked through phone calls and messages and it looks like all calls and messages ceased by Jume. With a ton between Feb and March. 

Is there any saving this? Would this be your htdo?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Honey, I am SO sorry....and with all this other stress going on!!! Oh my!

From those texts, this sounds really bad. You probably have only scratched the surface. Doubtful you can trust anything he has told you.


I would get the printout of the texts during his super busy months. I'm sure they would be even more eye opening. If he doesn't seem remorseful, there is nothing to save. Even if he was there might be nothing _worth_ saving, but only you and him know that. 


Please no more unprotected sex with this man. I'm sorry you have found yourself here.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Hollygolightly13 said:


> he just admitted that they have had made out sessions/heavy petting but nothin more.


Cheater Script 101: If they admit to talking, they were texting too.
If they admit to meeting once, they did it a lot.
If they admit to kissing, they were really groping. 
If they admit to groping, they were under the clothes.
If they admit to hands under the clothes, the clothes were off.
If they admit to clothes off but no sex (yeah right), they screwed. 
If they admit to ONE night, they had multiple.
If they admit to one month, it's probably been more than a year.

Cheaters never admit to more than they get caught with. 

Unless you kick them out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He doesn't love her. He just likes women on the side. For some, it's the thrill of the chase. Some just want to have sex with as many women as will let him. I know many men like that. 

And it's VERY common for men to cheat when their partners are either pregnant or caring for babies. Because suddenly they don't get to be the center of attention they used to be; so they figure they deserve to go find other women who will make them feel important.

The ONLY way I've seen women in your situation get a happy marriage back is if you immediately kick him out and make him EARN a way back into the home. Now, with his kids there (do they live there full time?), that may present an issue. For now, until you see your lawyer, HAVE NO CONTACT WITH HIM. Don't tell him a single thing. Don't talk to him.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Hollygolightly13 said:


> I never thought I would be in this position. I am educated woman and I work at sr. Level in an agency. We just bought a home together.
> 
> Although both blessing both were unplanned. I had severed problem with the second.
> 
> ...


do i think he loves her?

no, because i do not think this kind of person knows what real love is. he is probably not capable of true love. otherwise he would not allow himself to treat the mother of his children like fodder.

he definitely is infatuated with her.

for his own selfish very base desires.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Question: have you ever turned him down for sex? In what circumstances?


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## Hollygolightly13 (Aug 29, 2016)

I have never been unavailable. Let's just put it this way. I had our first March 2015 and I was Preggo with the second by late Dec. 

I can't see the context of the text plus what happens on what'sapp I can't pull. But there daily multiple calls/text outgoing and incoming between Feb and April. Then April to June the calls and text became less frequent. Ceasing in June. 

During the Feb to April, I remember seeing huge lunch bills. He said it was for clients but now I know better 

She is married with a baby about our oldest age. She is younger than us. About 10 years younger than him. He is 38 and she is 28. I am 35.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Hollygolightly13 said:


> I
> 
> I know this may sound like a silly questions, but do you think he loves her? It sounds stupid and probably what I should be getting my ducks in a row. But Goddamit, I have a baby in the NiCu. I don't have the strength for this.


He doesn't love her, but more importantly, he doesn't love you either. 

Note to myself: 'I had no idea that talking like a sleaze bag would be so effective with some women'


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## Hollygolightly13 (Aug 29, 2016)

I was able to find one convo they had on FB back in April. We have a main desktop and this ducking idiot automatically signed on. They are no longer friends on social media. I was only able to find one convo. I am so livid. I feel so duped. 

Convo from April 29
Bf: I am sort of thinking of you. Actually, I am. 
Lz: what are you thinking? 
Bf: just you and me 
Bf: I want you so bad, damn 
Bc: you are complicated 
Lz: I am complicated? I am not. You are more complicated. 
Lz:I miss you
Bf: me too
Bf: what I would do
Lz: what would you do? 
Bf: hmmm
Lz: you are the one with all the hang ups. I am not going to have you eat your cake and have it too
Bf: but I am refraining myself 
Lz: what do you want from me?
Bf: I want you. But you are dangerous 
Lz: I am dangerous and you are flawed. I guess we are at an impasse 
Bf: you are gorgeous, my love 
Lz: I keep thinking if I could just have you for one night. Just once.
Bf: I want you more than once, my love. 
Lz: sighs. You just realized you described femme fatale lol
Bf: I wish you were here


I don't think I can come back from this.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I wouldn't. And I'd take him for every penny he has. See if she wants him THEN.

Honestly, though, it sounds like he's the one doing the pursuing and she keeps pulling the stops. He just wants sex. You realize, right, that boys learn how to 'flirt' with girls this way back in junior high? It's what they fantasize about, before they're old enough to really go out and get the girls. He's just enjoying himself. You're just the old ball and chain who's taking care of his kids for him and giving him sex whenever he wants it. JHMO


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

How do you find these convos? He just had them on his phone? Doesn't even give you the decency to try to hide them. He doesn't care.

See a lawyer about the house and about getting permanent child support in place. With all his other babies it's going to get spread thin. Whose money went into the house?

You know what they say about rats? For every one you see there are a hundred you don't see. You found one. How many more are there?

What was his relationship like with wife? How did that end?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hollygolightly13 (Aug 29, 2016)

Hi, 

The first one was WhatsApp

the second was an old facebook message. it took some searching since it was old. 

I am sure there is way more than this and I am sure it has been deleted.

The relationship with his wife ended about 12 years ago. She got her pregnant when they were 19 and 20 and got married. Stayed married for 6 years. He then had a long-term gf for 7 years who he was engaged too. He doesn't tell me much just that they were too much of the same person....

We are a tale as old as time. We were only dating about 8 months before I got pregnant.


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## Mrs.wind0812 (Aug 30, 2016)

This is interesting. I have some input. Of course, take it with a grain of salt because I am an internet stranger who doesn't know you, him or her. Also I am going only of the history you have and two conversations you found. 

I think they BOTH were both very infatuated with each other. However, this OW is a dumbass but she is no dummy. I know sounds like an oxymoron. I say she is dumbas because you said she young married woman and mother and she is messing with a guy who is way older than her that has 4 kids and two baby mommas. You haven't disclosed but I am guessing he is not a uber wealthy man and she was, it sounds like a SAHM until recently. So her messing with your guy was especially idiotic for her. However, I will say that I don't think they had sex. 

Why I say that. I think he was very, very attracted to her and I bet at the beginning he showered her with attention to get into her pants. However, she wanted the attention and romance and wanted to make sure he was not going to wane if she gave in. Both of the conversations you have posted, its very cat and mouse. I do believe, he liked her a lot but she wanted more attention and more of his time to give it up. But he knew, he would get caught and he didn't want to risk you or risk getting caught. He was also lying to her too because she didn't know you were pregnant. SO basically this guy is SUCH A ****ING LIAR 

Does he love you? IDK? Only you know that truly. Did he know he had many responsibilities he couldn't turn his back on and kept him at bay. I think that is what he meant by "I am refraining myself"

The thing you need to realize is that you deserve to be loved not endured. Is he just enduring you because of the commitment of kids and a home?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> You need to lawyer up.
> 
> He needs to be out of your life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This. 

He's just a boyfriend, and a bad one. Bad boyfriends won't magically become good husbands. Please take care of yourself, and know that this guy is just not worth it. It will be hard to move on, but it will be harder if you end up marrying him.


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