# Do I grin and accept nothing will change ?



## [email protected]

So I have this issue ... I posted about it a while ago and feel like nothing will change. I just have to get over it maybe ? 



https://talkaboutmarriage.com/#/topics/428259?page=1 

So I talked to my husband about it.... it seemed like he understood where I was coming from. He assured me ther was nothing to worry about. He said “ you know I am always looking for new hobbies to explore and get interested in”. He said that She was knowledgeable about his new hobbie and he was just learning a lot from her. 
I still just can’t shake the feeling he has a fatuation. I just have a gut feeling it’s more. Like today .. my Birthday is coming up this next weekend . I told him quite some time ago that I want to go on a camping trip for my Birthday. So today he told me they are going camping as well and if we want to join them .... NO, I do t want to watch you and her do your own thing and act like I am not even there .... No, I don’t want to feel like I can’t compete or compare to her. Sorry but I don’t want to feel like s*** on my birthday .... 
I don’t know what to do


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## manwithnoname

Tell him you don't want to go with others this time. You are not communicating your feelings with him, just keeping them bottled inside. 

Did you let him know you are not comfortable with his relationship with her? 

The more time/energy he spends with her, the less he has for you. Plus it can progress to something more, if it hasn't already. Have you spoken to her spouse, what does he think about the whole thing?


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## TJW

[email protected] said:


> I don’t know what to do


What you did is quite correct, and well done.



manwithnoname said:


> Have you spoken to her spouse, what does he think about the whole thing?


This is a capital idea.

"Grin and accept nothing will change" has two problems:

Grinning does nothing.
Accepting guarantees there will be no change.


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## SunCMars

manwithnoname said:


> Tell him you don't want to go with others this time. You are not communicating your feelings with him, just keeping them bottled inside.
> 
> Did you let him know you are not comfortable with his relationship with her?
> 
> The more time/energy he spends with her, the less he has for you. Plus it can progress to something more, if it hasn't already. *Have you spoken to her spouse, what does he think about the whole thing?*


I hope he is not complicit.
I hope 'they' are not swingers.

Let the OW's husband know how you feel, what you have heard and witnessed from these two 'friends'.

Get back to TAM with your findings.


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## [email protected]

I think I am going to tell him that I just want it to be a family trip this time.
No I know they are not swingers , and it’s his brothers wife ,,🤢.
It took a lot of courage to tell him how I had felt about the situation and I really poured my heart out the best I could on the topic about my feelings towards how “close” they are . But he just seemed to bush it off. 
He did say it is nothing like that . But at the same time he didn’t say anything about cooling it down a bit either. 
I just sort of feel like he really didn’t listen or hear me out. After he asked me if we could do a group trip with them for the camping trip ., it just feels like he didn’t care bout the discussion, I think he expects me to deal with it. 
No , I haven’t said anything to his brother about it.


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## 3Xnocharm

He may be telling the truth in that its nothing "like that", I am pretty close to my BIL and we have no feelings or hidden agenda, he's my brother. But in your case, if this makes you uncomfortable then your H should back off from her, out of respect for your feelings. Even if nothing inappropriate is going on, your feelings matter.


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## ABHale

[email protected] said:


> I think I am going to tell him that I just want it to be a family trip this time.
> No I know they are not swingers , and it’s his brothers wife ,,🤢.
> It took a lot of courage to tell him how I had felt about the situation and I really poured my heart out the best I could on the topic about my feelings towards how “close” they are . But he just seemed to bush it off.
> He did say it is nothing like that . But at the same time he didn’t say anything about cooling it down a bit either.
> I just sort of feel like he really didn’t listen or hear me out. After he asked me if we could do a group trip with them for the camping trip ., it just feels like he didn’t care bout the discussion, I think he expects me to deal with it.
> No , I haven’t said anything to his brother about it.


I would say it’s no coincidence they are going camping at the same time. I guess he talked with them and thought it would be a great idea. Poor judgement on his part. 

I also think say you should go on the camping trip with them. Then watch what happens. You can see how he treats you during this trip. Then if he goes off hiking with the sister in law on your birthday instead of spending it with you. You can always just head home or shut him out like he is doing you. Set up some IC when you get back and then decide it this is the man you want to be with the rest of your life.


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## [email protected]

I think you have a point . I dont hate spending time with the family at all! I love my niece and nephew and both of them. 
Maybe he will cool it down ( I hope) now that we have had the conversation. I guess this will be a test run ... And if he decides to ignore me this trip I will have my answer...


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## ABHale

[email protected] said:


> I think you have a point . I dont hate spending time with the family at all! I love my niece and nephew and both of them.
> Maybe he will cool it down ( I hope) now that we have had the conversation. I guess this will be a test run ... And if he decides to ignore me this trip I will have my answer...


Exactly.


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## [email protected]

Thank you all !


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## NickyT

I think it is perfectly reasonable, even without the suspicion that you husband has a thing for his sister in law, for you to request that your birthday camping trip not turn into a family reunion.

I think women should follow their instincts more. You have a gut feeling, and you are probably not wrong. You said in your previous post that he was taking up her interests - in my experience, that's how a man get himself around a woman he wants to be around. That does not mean he would ever act on it, but the whole thing seems squirrely to me. I mean, why would he invite someone to your birthday getaway? It's just off, and you know it is.


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