# Anyone tried "Karezza" sex?



## HumbleHubby (Jul 12, 2017)

I recently read about Karezza which is supposed to help couples bond better and manage the hormonal ups/downs of oxytocin and dopamine boom/bust cycles that normally come from traditional sex. The emphasis is on, get this...trying to avoid orgasms. Instead, couples have more frequent sex focused on slow, gentle, more loving intercourse. Think edging for 30-90 minutes with tender caressing, loving touch, soft kissing, etc. Naked cuddling is nearly daily, while coitus might be every other day or more, but for an hour perhaps. Extended periods of arousal without orgasm apparently keep the bonding hormones at their max and make for elated couples with very harmonious relationship dynamics.

My wife and I have put so much effort into finding the secrets to orgasms (and more recently multiple orgasms) that I am not sure I would want to walk away from those efforts and try Karezza. But maybe someone here on TAM has tried it and can share their experiences?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

When I used to have a great deal of problems I ran across the website that promoted karezza at reuniting.info and found it to be a rather interesting read. In my opinion it is a good exercise to help couples that are too focused on "goal oriented" intimacy once that breaks down and becomes problematic (such as anxiety, delayed orgasm, or erectile issues). So if achieving orgasm has ALREADY become problematic, then perhaps taking a step back, removing goals, trying karezza can actually help a couple bond emotionally and then orgasms can happen naturally again _without effort._

As for a couple that already enjoys great love making and has strong emotional connections with one another, then as you say it may not make any sense.

In terms of trying something new and failing horribly at it... well lets just say karezza makes failing horribly perhaps one of the most rejuvenating and humbly exciting experiences that a couple can have. No other form of love making allows for failure to be such a treat! That in itself can teach everyone a life lesson about why it is important to embrace your willingness to fail at something new, because ultimately that is how we all learn things about ourselves.

I used to post on reuniting.info a long long long time ago, but that lifestyle is NOT for me! However it does serve as a rather valuable learning experience. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

For me, the best sex life is pretty much what you described above but without the orgasm denial or deliberately edging.

I'm sexually on edge all the time when we touch and play and kiss all day, are affectionate at any time we can get away with it, and are eye fking each other when we can't. We tell each other how hot and beautiful they are, what we want to do to them later...whether that's I can't wait to be in your arms tonight or I can't wait to do naughty things to you. 

We keep the sexual energy flowing all the time and it's like heaven. Some of the energy is slow and emotional, some is sparkly and sexy or kinky.

There's never a fine line between fore play, sex, and after glow or after play. When we are having intercourse, it may be sensual and slow or bang the wall crazy. There's never a specific goal to orgasm, but one or both of us usually does. If one doesn't but wanted to, the other helps in whatever way possible. But sometimes one or both of us don't and we simply fall asleep in each other's arms with zero angst, only loving and sexual feelings. We know we can wake each other up at any time and get some more or go for an O this time or whatever feels right.

For me the best part of sex has never been the O. It's the intimacy and the sexual excitement and...the pounding.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Sounds frustrating to me unless orgasm is supposed to just happen and isn't prohibited.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

I always thought that by the time I hit my 60s,. sex would no longer be on my mind most days. Well, that didn't hapen. At 75 and wife 73, we still get it on once a week, but 15 - 30 minutes, we're ready to get off, get up, get dressed and go for dinner.

My hat is off to anyone who can last 60 - 90 minutes and be satisfied without orgasms. (must be a generation thing,) I remember doing that in the front seat of my 56 chevy for 90 minute and I would have the most severe of Blue Balls, By the way, do the guys who practice have the same problem.

My wife and I are too goal oriented. If there isn't a lot of screamng, moaning, and dirty talk... it isn't good for us. If I were to suggest this new way to my wife, she'd say "What? no vibrator?"


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> For me the best part of sex has never been the O.


 @Faithful Wife many men simply do NOT get this part, and the goal of making their wive's O by incessantly trying every trick in the book to compel an orgasm can actually be an very emotionally unsettling thing for couples to experience. I have read that many women experience this in most relationships at one point or another, and that a man that will not give up when an orgasm is not going to happen is probably the absolute worst thing that can happen during sex. 

For men an orgasm is required to procreate and I think we are biologically programmed to feel as if reaching an orgasm is a "requirement" or else the act of sex was a failure. 

If you have ever had a situation with a partner in which the intimacy was rather powerful and meaningful, but no orgasm over occurred during that moment... would you describe that being open to still enjoy a situation like that can be fulfilling and even help improve a relationship as opposed to perhaps feeling as though the experience was a failure and that it should be avoided? 

In my personal opinion too many people just get hung up on the idea that the quality of an their partner's orgasm is a sign of being loved, and that a partner not being able to achieve an orgasm opens fears of no longer being loved. Thus the incessant attempts to try every trick in the book to compel an orgasm from your partner is as if to say, "I need to know you love me, I am not going to give up, I am afraid our love is gone." Then when an orgasm still doesn't happen it can be devastating, which then causes anxiety, which then causes sex to be avoided. 

Meanwhile if a couple was open to experience and and enjoy intimacy with or without orgasms, I honestly think that attitude can be very healing for a couple. Karezza or perhaps just call it "gentle tantric cuddling" can serve to be a very pleasurable AND satisfying experience. However if an orgasm is going to happen effortlessly during any form of intimacy with a spouse, then those should always be enjoyed and never avoided! 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

The ice seems torturous, I can agree with part of the concept of making the intimacy the focus but I'm not sold on the idea of orgasming twice a month. I'll keep reading though

Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

leon2100 said:


> I always thought that by the time I hit my 60s,. sex would no longer be on my mind most days. Well, that didn't hapen. At 75 and wife 73, we still get it on once a week, but 15 - 30 minutes, we're ready to get off, get up, get dressed and go for dinner.
> 
> My hat is off to anyone who can last 60 - 90 minutes and be satisfied without orgasms. (must be a generation thing,) I remember doing that in the front seat of my 56 chevy for 90 minute and I would have the most severe of Blue Balls, By the way, do the guys who practice have the same problem.
> 
> My wife and I are too goal oriented. If there isn't a lot of screamng, moaning, and dirty talk... it isn't good for us. If I were to suggest this new way to my wife, she'd say "What? no vibrator?"



WTF? You're saying I'll still be like this at 60? I was hoping by that time I would actually be able to think.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> For me the best part of sex has never been the O. It's the intimacy and the sexual excitement and...the pounding.


Yes! 

Before I had my third child, I could reach O easily during intercourse (so long as I was on top). It was very disheartening to realize that I somehow lost this ability along the way. Now it is nearly impossible for me to O during intercourse unless I have simultaneous, direct clitoral stimulation. However, now that I have embraced it, I actually find that I enjoy sex more. It's no longer about crossing the finish line (because, more often than not, it doesn't happen during sex), but just enjoying the sensation. Sex can still be very fulfilling without an orgasm (at least for me).


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Primrose said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > For me the best part of sex has never been the O. It's the intimacy and the sexual excitement and...the pounding.
> ...


I've never been able to have an O from PIV, but I've always loved PIV more than any other sexual act. I can have O's in other ways and they are always fun. But I don't crave them the way I've always craved PIV.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Your small head will continue to do all the thinking (Sorry, if you thought differently)


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

HumbleHubby said:


> The emphasis is on, get this...trying to avoid orgasms.


I have read about Karezza. While we don't practice it, I can vouch for skipping orgasm leading to an enhanced feeling of intimacy and connection. I know that it's not for everyone, but I like not having an orgasm during sex sometimes. I really enjoy how it feels to be all fired up with no place to go. Everything from holding hands to kissing feels more intense after I've refrained from orgasm during sex, which I really love. It's very intense when we get back down to the main monkey business, and when I finally do finish it's intense. 

It's a fun way to spice up sex occasionally, in my opinion but I don't know about doing it full time. My wife wants to have an orgasm, but she's happy to indulge me if I tell her that's what I want when we start.

The biggest downside is that sometimes we get disconnected by life, and don't have time for sex for a couple of days or more during which I climb the walls a little. I don't like that part much :-/.

On the whole, I like it a lot. It's like anything else I guess, all things in moderation.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Sounds frustrating to me unless orgasm is supposed to just happen and isn't prohibited.


The concept of karezza also seems to thrive on "controversy" as if to get people's attention and perhaps start an interesting debate. It is also modeled after one of the most common forms of sex therapy that is advocated for couples experiencing relationship problems: 



> COME AS YOU ARE
> Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.
> 
> (except from section on therapy)
> ...


Now if you take that description above to gradually allow for penetration and manage to do so in which there is no demand, expectations, or pressure to perform while still avoiding orgasms as a goal, you can see how this practice of karezza perhaps seems suited as a form of self help for couples that need a step back from all the bigger, better, faster, harder expectations that society tends to convey. When reading about karezza, couples are advised to avoid touching each other's genitals until they are able to do so without creating expectations or frustrating urges for an orgasm.

In my opinion it is essentially therapy for couples but controversially so because it focuses so much on avoiding orgasm as its starting point as opposed to focusing on touch and connection without any sexual exceptions.

Definitely an interesting topic... but there are those that tend to just take things to extreme and label Karezza as tease and denial which is NOT what how it is intended, but it seems to benefit from the controversy of drawing the crowd that thinks that is what it is about.

Interestingly enough the reuniting.info forum tends to attract folks mostly interested in breaking there bad habits of porn and masturbation. This there is a big part of the karezza forum dedicated to "rebalancing and rebooting" your sexuality alone by using the methods described as a form of self-therapy. People actually claim it helps! So anything that helps and educates people is always GREAT in my opinion. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

Primrose said:


> Yes!
> 
> Before I had my third child, I could reach O easily during intercourse (so long as I was on top). It was very disheartening to realize that I somehow lost this ability along the way. Now it is nearly impossible for me to O during intercourse unless I have simultaneous, direct clitoral stimulation. However, now that I have embraced it, I actually find that I enjoy sex more.* It's no longer about crossing the finish line (because, more often than not, it doesn't happen during sex), but just enjoying the sensation.* Sex can still be very fulfilling without an orgasm (at least for me).



My wife says the same thing. She claims it's different after the third child. She also says not orgasming isn't a big deal. Excuse the double negative. Being satisfied with not orgasming always sounded ridiculous to me. I wouldn't want to bother with sex if I was never going to orgasm. I can't have sex with someone who doesn't want it. To me it's like walking through the desert for two days then being offered an eyedropper full of warm water. It's better than nothing but it's not the same as a glass of ice water. 

I have never had a problem with the vibrator. If you need to put a monkey on your shoulder in order to orgasm, I'm all for it. I'll never tell a person what they should be doing to achieve sexual gratification. If you found what works for, go for it. I didn't know if it was really possible to get halfway there and still be completely satisfied.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

leon2100 said:


> Your small head will continue to do all the thinking (Sorry, if you thought differently)



That just ruined any hope I had for the rest of my life.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Stay horny my friend.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Here is another interesting read about "wall-socket sex" that while it is not inherently karezza, it is an elevated form of sex that has evolved to be independent of orgasm:



> wall-socket sex can occur independent of intercourse, orgasm, or even direct genital stimulation.


...as many couples that unlock the potential experience this do so without any "need" for an orgasm. Karezza in this perspective can perhaps serve as an exercise that could help unlock this type of experience/potential.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201302/what-s-wall-socket-sex

NOTE: In wall-socket sex it is not that orgasms are avoided, it is just that they evolve to become something independent to lovemaking.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

badsanta said:


> Definitely an interesting topic... but there are those that tend to just take things to extreme and label Karezza as tease and denial which is NOT what how it is intended, but it seems to benefit from the controversy of drawing the crowd that thinks that is what it is about.


I agree. Most of the T&D stuff that I've waded through on the Internet is about power exchange and control by "controlling orgasm". The focus is on power and control. Most of what's out there on the Internet seems to be fabricated for men who want to be controlled. Karezza is more about sexual contact itself being fulfilling in and of itself. Delaying the gratification of orgasm for however long isn't really the point, and neither is power or control. 

There are aspects of T&D that are fun for the sake of fun bedroom games. Delaying orgasm for the sake of emotional connection and intimacy may be a part of that, but it's a different mindset (in my opinion, anyway).


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

badsanta said:


> The concept of karezza also seems to thrive on "controversy" as if to get people's attention and perhaps start an interesting debate. It is also modeled after one of the most common forms of sex therapy that is advocated for couples experiencing relationship problems:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Seriously, if a therapist suggested this to me it would do far more harm than good. 

I am attracted to my DH and about 10 minutes or less of touching leads to arousal, even if it's nowhere near the genitals. Without actual PIV sex, I'd get frustrated and start to avoid further close contact to avoid further frustration. A manual or oral orgasm could tide me over, but I'd be largely unsatisfied and need the real thing. Although not intended to be a tease and denial thing, it'd feel that way.

I can see how it'd be useful to acclimate a chronic porn user to an actual flesh and blood partner. Thankfully, I've never had a partner that had issues with porn or masturbation.


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## Johann Sebastian (Mar 20, 2018)

I have read on this and we have practiced it from time to time. My take is that there is a real benefit to avoiding a male ejaculation for 7-14 days. I don't really buy the avoidance of female orgasm or for that matter avoidance of male non-ejaculatory orgasm. So our usual menu (which is not strictly karezza) is no limit on orgasm for her (orally or sometimes intercourse with woman-on-top), and plenty of gentle sexual contact for me, which includes intercourse, oral, and massage. By the time I get to 7 days I feel like a golden god. We still get the "bonding" sensation because sexual contact is more, shall we say, meditative and sharing. Less "athletic" and "taking." 

YMMV.


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