# Deal Breakers



## Chuck71

Many times on OLD sites we have places to list our preferences. Some people prefer someone with children the same age as they, some only date within a 25 mile radius, and some have very small windows of age range. They are endless. Everyone has a right to have these. I have noticed on the ones I have used (pof, okc, match) there is not a deal breaker section.

I'm aware I prefer a female who enjoys watching / participating in sports but it would not be a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers? As in .... this would prevent you from accepting a 2nd date no matter how well other aspects went, or if it is uncovered before the 1st date, no 1st date occurs.

I will list three.

1-If she cheated in her M or LTR. What a mood killer.... yes my XH and I had problems so I went out and slept with other guys. I'm not that person any more........... Yeahhhhh, have to give kudos for being honest... most wouldn't. 

2-Blatant lies. I understand there may be some things certain people care not to discuss early on. Maybe why her D occurred, relatives who are plain BSC / in jail / of very immoral character. But the basics..... I'm D (then find out she is only separated or in-house separation or still ummm "married), I have a child, he is 14..... what they forget to tell you is the ages of the other three children. Or I have no police record (outside minor violations) and when we meet, I recognize her..... when I sat in on the psychological evaluation for throwing a "Molotov Cawktail" into the home where her estranged H was..... with her kids.

3-Issues with alcohol / drugs. We all like a nice drink every now and then..... not daily! Or not three days a week where she does not just have a drink, she gets schit-hammered. Drugs are usually a no-brainer. Pot is cool but to be stoned daily..... no. If a quarter bag lasts her a quarter of a year.... no problem. Prescription drugs are touchy. I understand when someone takes a couple extra pain killers if they have a toothache from he!!. But when they do not take their medication for, say a week...and take a week's at one time.... they are one small step away from full blown addiction.


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## Ynot

Aside from obvious misrepresentations up front - such as claiming to be trim and athletic while packing an extra 50-75 pounds, pics that are 10 years old and/or any other upfront lies, I have very few deal breakers at the moment.

I do know that I do not want someone who does not take care of themselves ie slovenly, overweight, smokes, drinks themselves stupid or a couch potato. I do want someone who does take care of themselves, dresses well (that doesn't mean fashionable or expensively) and wants to be active and engaged.

I generally think deal breakers are all dependent on what kind of "deal" you are looking to strike. Currently I am not looking for any LTR so my deal breakers are very minimal (see above). I am looking to have fun, explore my own sexuality, see what is available and basically test drive life for awhile. So it really doesn't matter to me what her past history is or what she may or may not have done in the past. I am open and upfront about what I want. If she is agreeable, I may choose to go forward, I may not.

Some personality types just irritate me, so I would probably pass. But I wouldn't know until I run across it after a few dates. As far as I am concerned, at this point, the universe has provided me with an unlimited abundance of choices. I will pick and choose at my leisure and explore what interests me.

As I move forward, I am sure I will start to narrow things down, but until then...


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## Chuck71

The best way to predict future behavior is by viewing their previous behavior.

Once someone is in the 29-34 range they start getting set in their ways....


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## Ynot

Chuck71 said:


> The best way to predict future behavior is by viewing their previous behavior.
> 
> Once someone is in the 29-34 range they start getting set in their ways....


Perhaps, and sometimes those ways can work to your benefit. It depends on what you are looking for. I am not looking for the mother of my children, all that virtuousness and being demure does not appeal to me at this point in my life.


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## Wolf1974

Chuck71 said:


> The best way to predict future behavior is by viewing their previous behavior.
> 
> Once someone is in the 29-34 range they start getting set in their ways....


Yep. Always especially when dealing with a previous cheater


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## arbitrator

*Deal breakers for Ol' Arb are:

1. Must be a certifiable Christian!
2. As a Christian, they must be open-minded to sex, not being ashamed or aversive of it, in both giving and receiving; but knowing that it is what God gave us to truly jell a marital relationship!
3. Must be intelligent and cognizant of world and local affairs!
4. Must love children and "old people" ~ as I am the later!
5. Must be fiscally conservative, but politically and socially centrist or liberal!
6. Must never have been a party to infidelity, albeit active or passive!
7. Honesty and forthrightness and someone who will kick my a$$ for me when I'm out of line, and vice-versa!
8. Cleanness and neatness!
9. Openly affectionate!
10. Must have, or would have been a stellar parent, to their kids!
11. No drugs or alcohol abuse of themselves or others!
12. Absolutely no tattoos or "body art!"
13. Physically fit ~ not heavy-set or obese!
14. Pictures submitted must be recent! If I want to see them in their high school cheerleader or drill-team uniform, I'll ask for it!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeddieG

Well, I haven't thought about my deal breakers. Before I met h, I dated a guy for a little under six months who was a commitment phobe. Many is the time that I've said, I didn't know what I wanted when I came out of that relationship, but I knew what I didn't want, and that was someone who was averse to commitment. 

So I don't want my "deal breakers" to be something anti-h. There were qualities and characteristics he had that I liked, including being able to debate politics and from his years in the military, share his view of the status of things in contracting and the military and how they needed to be addressed. In other words, he was smart, and he was fun to talk to. 

I do think I'd want someone with recreational interests more in line with my own. When h hooked up with OW, they spent a lot of time on the lake, fishing, camping, but he never invited me to do that, so if that was an interest of his, it was a latent one, or one he developed because of her. I like going to movies and concerts and ballet and theater and opera and museums, so I'd want to share that with someone, I think. But it wouldn't be necessary. What would be important, I think, would be a real and authentic sense of what that person likes to do recreationally. 

Anyway, I haven't thought about it because I'm not interested in dating, and really wary of OLD sites. But my divorce is recent, and a desire to mingle could arise at any time! So I guess I'll think about those things when the time comes. But I'm pretty sure I'll be more deliberate about it. Deep down I have a feeling I fell for h before I knew a lot of important info about him, because I was in the "love will conquer, or allow for compromise in, all" fog. Not making THAT mistake again!


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## tripad

arbitrator said:


> *Deal breakers for Ol' Arb are:
> 
> 1. Must be a Christian !not a wolf in sheep skin but one who really believes and lives like one
> 
> 2. As a Christian, they must be open-minded to sex . sex is important but no anal
> 
> 3. Must be intelligent !
> 
> 4. Must love children
> 
> 6. Must never have been a party to infidelity, albeit active or passive!
> 
> 7. Honesty and forthrightness
> 
> 8. Cleanness and neatness!
> 
> 9. Openly Affectionate!
> 
> 10. Must have, or would have been a stellar parent, to their kids!
> 
> 11. No drugs or alcohol abuse of themselves or others!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


no tattoos , no smoking , no porn , no money issues , no violence .

sporty , healthy , financially capable to afford me ( I am not high maintenance but I am not cheap either , I am independent anyway nut just feel good if my husband provides for me . ) 

ok . I guess i will stay single .:crying:


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## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *Deal breakers for Ol' Arb are:
> 
> 1. Must be a certifiable Christian!
> 2. As a Christian, they must be open-minded to sex, not being ashamed or aversive of it, in both giving and receiving; but knowing that it is what God gave us to truly jell a marital relationship!
> 3. Must be intelligent and cognizant of world and local affairs!
> 4. Must love children and "old people" ~ as I am the later!
> 5. Must be fiscally conservative, but politically and socially centrist or liberal!
> 6. Must never have been a party to infidelity, albeit active or passive!
> 7. Honesty and forthrightness and someone who will kick my a$$ for me when I'm out of line, and vice-versa!
> 8. Cleanness and neatness!
> 9. Openly Affectionate!
> 10. Must have, or would have been a stellar parent, to their kids!
> 11. No drugs or alcohol abuse of themselves or others!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Being the word-smith you are (I have quoted you as such in the past), allow me to ask......

1-If one is a believer in God.... but can carve up "organized religion" like a knife through butter.... how would that sit with you?

3-No question..... just find this hard to locate in my area. Now if it was FB or smart phone apps, they're all in *eyeroll*

5-You're laughing at the Tea Party too LOL 

7-That was my #4 LOL ..... seriously.... this is needed in any healthy LTR

I want to ask you.... being an old fart and me being old indigestion and nearing an old fart myself..... how to you view females who seem to be encapsulated with social media?


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## arbitrator

tripad said:


> no tattoos , no smoking , no porn , no money issues , no violence .
> 
> sporty , healthy , financially capable to afford me ( I am not high maintenance but I am not cheap either , I am independent anyway nut just feel good if my husband provides for me . )
> 
> ok . I guess i will stay single .:crying:


* @tripad ~ I agree wholeheartedly with your suggestions highlighted in red! 

Forgot the "tatts!" They are a definite "no-no" in my book!

Money is a subject matter of concern because an inordinate love of it usually always supersedes love of a spouse or family! As a Christian, I feel that when our Creator interviews us all at our near-arrival in the heavenly domain, the only question about it that He will query will be, "Exactly what did you do with your excess funds to either support "the poor and needy" or "the Church?"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sun Catcher

When I was on Match, then e-Harmoney (where I met my husband) my "wants" were he had to have a really good sense of humor, be smart and able to spell. Be fiscally responsible and not a great party goer who needs an audience every weekend to feel fulfilled. I wanted someone who would be comfortable sometimes just sitting together reading a book or watching the sun go down. He had to be a boater. Someone masculine and comfortable in his own skin, but yet not afraid to show his soft side. I also wanted someone compatible sexually, although wasn't sure exactly what that meant seeing I hadn't had ANY in 6 years, lol.

Deal breakers would have been being unemployed, would have never considered a cheater or someone who couldn't explain plainly the "why's and how's" of his divorce. I also wouldn't date widows. Drug/alcohol abuse was also big deal breaker. Another important deal breaker was I had to immediately have a physical attraction by the end of the first coffee date. Am not one to believe that physical attraction 'grows' on you. 

I got it all and much much more in my husband. He told me he was going marry me the first week (I laughed at him then, didn't see any reason to marry since we were both too old to have children). I changed my mind when he came down with cancer. It is difficult when 2 people start co-mingling assets and talking about possible end of life scenarios really puts things in perspective. He is fine now and I am so glad I married him, he is my soul mate and always will be.


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## Chuck71

Sun Catcher said:


> When I was on Match, then e-Harmoney (where I met my husband) my "wants" were he had to have a really good sense of humor, be smart and able to spell. Be fiscally responsible and not a great party goer who needs an audience every weekend to feel fulfilled. I wanted someone who would be comfortable sometimes just sitting together reading a book or* watching the sun go down*. He had to be a boater. Someone masculine and comfortable in his own skin, but yet not afraid to show his soft side. I also wanted someone compatible sexually, although wasn't sure exactly what that meant seeing I hadn't had ANY in 6 years, lol.
> 
> Deal breakers would have been being unemployed, would have never considered a cheater or someone who couldn't explain plainly the "why's and how's" of his divorce. *I also wouldn't date widows*. Drug/alcohol abuse was also big deal breaker. Another important deal breaker was I had to immediately have a physical attraction by the end of the first coffee date. Am not one to believe that physical attraction 'grows' on you.
> 
> I got it all and much much more in my husband. He told me he was going marry me the first week (I laughed at him then, didn't see any reason to marry since we were both too old to have children).* I changed my mind when he came down with cancer*. It is difficult when 2 people start co-mingling assets and talking about possible end of life scenarios really puts things in perspective. He is fine now and I am so glad I married him, he is my soul mate and always will be.



Not sure how you break up posts so...... Do you have a younger sister by chance? LOL

Neither have I and it's not touched on much. Per my three book trilogy, the ghost of a dead female haunts a couple for years. The guy dated the girl, broke up, she died when he was dating the next girl.

So sorry to hear that. Cancer claims more people in my family than the Publisher's Clearing House.......


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## Ynot

@Sun Catcher, curious, why no widows. I have several friends who are widowers. They say they run up against this often, so what gives? OTOH, I have another friend dating a widow and he suggests everybody should look for one since they are not embittered by a divorce.


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## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Being the word-smith you are (I have quoted you as such in the past), allow me to ask......
> 
> 1-If one is a believer in God.... but can carve up "organized religion" like a knife through butter.... how would that sit with you?
> 
> 3-No question..... just find this hard to locate in my area. Now if it was FB or smart phone apps, they're all in *eyeroll*
> 
> 5-You're laughing at the Tea Party too LOL
> 
> 7-That was my #4 LOL ..... seriously.... this is needed in any healthy LTR
> 
> I want to ask you.... being an old fart and me being old indigestion and nearing an old fart myself..... how to you view females who seem to be encapsulated with social media?


* @Chuck71 ~
Regarding organized religion, I happen to be in a Church where there is little political or theological division, so if there is a lady out there who professes Christ, but at the same time, chastises "the Church," I feel I am most capable of offering up a cross-examination of those facts, that I can tell if she is indeed a Christian! You would be appalled at the sheer number of people who profess being a Christian but have no clue what "picking up their cross and following" really entails!

But if a lady truly is a Christian and at the same time "shuns" the Church, I can most definitely deal with it!

Regarding Tea Partiers, they all seem to rally around the cross, but if ever asked to volunteer at Church, or to even make tithes or weekly monetary offerings, they seem to be the last to ever comply! More often than not, they are the ones who fill up the Church pews only at Easter and Christmas. We just don't see them at any other time!

Regarding those media-encapsulated chicks, I can take'em or leave'em! Just don't have them come flailing at me telling me what all they've heard over the news media ~ more especially from over at Faux News or at MSNBC! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeddieG

Ynot said:


> @Sun Catcher, curious, why no widows. I have several friends who are widowers. They say they run up against this often, so what gives? OTOH, I have another friend dating a widow and he suggests everybody should look for one since they are not embittered by a divorce.


I noticed this immediately, too, and I have seen this issue debated on lots of other forums. No one, especially someone like me who has been cheated on, wants to hook up with someone who lost a partner and idealizes them. I wasn't competing with the OW from the get-go, but I sure don't want to compete with the ghost of a person who is now nigh-on perfect because s/he is dead and is missed. 

Now, I KNOW that sounds simplistic and overly-general, but seriously, I HAVE seen this issue all over the place. Just like I don't want my deal breakers or wish list to reflect anti-h POS tendencies, I don't want mine amplified by the memory of a saint.


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## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> * @Chuck71 ~
> Regarding organized religion, I happen to be in a Church where there is little political or theological division, so if there is a lady out there who professes Christ, but at the same time, chastises "the Church," I feel I am most capable of offering up a cross-examination of those facts, that I can tell if she is indeed a Christian! You would be appalled at the sheer number of people who profess being a Christian but have no clue what "picking up their cross and following" really entails!
> 
> But if a lady truly is a Christian and at the same time "shuns" the Church, I can most definitely deal with it!
> 
> Regarding Tea Partiers, they all rally around the cross, but if asked to volunteer at Church, or to even tithe or make monetary offerings, they seem to be the last to ever comply! More often than not, they are the ones who fill up the Church pews only at Easter and Christmas. We just don't see them at any other time!
> 
> Regarding those media-encapsulated chicks, I can take'em or leave'em! Just don't come flailing at me telling me what you heard over the news media ~ more especially over at Faux News or at MSNBC! *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Queensryche said it best in 1988

"Selling skin..... selling God..... the numbers are the same on the credit card"

Off topic.... you mentioned awhile back you had a fondness of Phil Collins and Do you Remember. Can I ask why?


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## tripad

Phil collins sings well .

What's the catch here ?


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## tripad

arbitrator said:


> Chuck71 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Being the word-smith you are (I have quoted you as such in the past), allow me to ask......
> 
> 1-If one is a believer in God.... but can carve up "organized religion" like a knife through butter.... how would that sit with you?
> 
> 3-No question..... just find this hard to locate in my area. Now if it was FB or smart phone apps, they're all in *eyeroll*
> 
> 5-You're laughing at the Tea Party too LOL
> 
> 7-That was my #4 LOL ..... seriously.... this is needed in any healthy LTR
> 
> I want to ask you.... being an old fart and me being old indigestion and nearing an old fart myself..... how to you view females who seem to be encapsulated with social media?
> 
> 
> 
> * @Chuck71 ~
> Regarding organized religion, I happen to be in a Church where there is little political or theological division, so if there is a lady out there who professes Christ, but at the same time, chastises "the Church," I feel I am most capable of offering up a cross-examination of those facts, that I can tell if she is indeed a Christian! You would be appalled at the sheer number of people who profess being a Christian but have no clue what "picking up their cross and following" really entails!
> 
> But if a lady truly is a Christian and at the same time "shuns" the Church, I can most definitely deal with it!
> 
> Regarding Tea Partiers, they all rally around the cross, but if asked to volunteer at Church, or to even tithe or make monetary offerings, they seem to be the last to ever comply! More often than not, they are the ones who fill up the Church pews only at Easter and Christmas. We just don't see them at any other time!
> 
> Regarding those media-encapsulated chicks, I can take'em or leave'em! Just don't come flailing at me telling me what you heard over the news media ~ more especially over at Faux News or at MSNBC! *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...

Off topic here but wrt tithes . I stopped now . Why ? When I was divorcing and asked cell leaders n pastors for help , or just to talk to , none was available , it's the usual " . I'll call you back " but they didn't .


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## Sun Catcher

Ynot said:


> @Sun Catcher, curious, why no widows. I have several friends who are widowers. They say they run up against this often, so what gives? OTOH, I have another friend dating a widow and he suggests everybody should look for one since they are not embittered by a divorce.


As also mentioned by Teddie G. I didn't want to follow in the footsteps of the "saintly" dead wife. I did date one widow, well met him once and he certainly wasn't over his dead wife and she did sound like a saint, lol.

Even friends I have who have been widowed talk about their dead husbands like they were saints, even when they were just about to go into divorce a few months before the guy died. Don't know what it is about death that makes people better than real life. 

My husband is not embittered about his old marriage. He is just happy that it is over and happy that he found me. I am not embittered either, would do it all over again if I knew that was what I had to do to find happiness with my husband.


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## Sun Catcher

Chuck71 said:


> Not sure how you break up posts so...... Do you have a younger sister by chance? LOL
> 
> Neither have I and it's not touched on much. Per my three book trilogy, the ghost of a dead female haunts a couple for years. The guy dated the girl, broke up, she died when he was dating the next girl.
> 
> So sorry to hear that. Cancer claims more people in my family than the Publisher's Clearing House.......


I do have a younger sister, married to her high school sweetheart going on 30 years! 

Hubby is fine now, was Multiple Myleoma, another long time poster here has it, too. He had a stem cell transplant and has been in remission for 3 years. We are grateful for each day and live each day to the fullest.


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## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Queensryche said it best in 1988
> 
> "Selling skin..... selling God..... the numbers are the same on the credit card"
> 
> *Off topic.... you mentioned awhile back you had a fondness of Phil Collins and Do You Remember?
> 
> Can I ask why?*


*Not so much the song, as it was the music video that enveloped the song, in that there was an inserted black and white film sequence of a young, preadolescent boy, who was visibly in the midst of experiencing his first pangs of romantic love with a fellow classmate girl who was obviously going through the very same thing with him! And then to have it all so suddenly ripped away from them by her family having to move away!

The very same thing occurred to Ol' Arb back when he was in the 5th Grade, when he mutually fell head over heels in his first taste of love with a beautiful little blonde girl; and then to have it all so inicstripably stripped away from them both when her Dad got transferred to Kansas away from SW Louisiana! We continued to correspond with each other for some six months, but we soon started living our lives in our own little corners of the world!

And thinking back, I recall the beautiful, innocent memories of us holding hands in the hallway, having her cheer me on in my football and basketball games, sharing lunches together, and school trips!

Hence the name, but not necessarily the words of that heartbreaking song,  Do You Remember?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ynot

Sun Catcher said:


> As also mentioned by Teddie G. I didn't want to follow in the footsteps of the "saintly" dead wife. I did date one widow, well met him once and he certainly wasn't over his dead wife and she did sound like a saint, lol.
> 
> Even friends I have who have been widowed talk about their dead husbands like they were saints, even when they were just about to go into divorce a few months before the guy died. Don't know what it is about death that makes people better than real life.
> 
> My husband is not embittered about his old marriage. He is just happy that it is over and happy that he found me. I am not embittered either, would do it all over again if I knew that was what I had to do to find happiness with my husband.


Those are some pretty big assumptions there. What makes you think the dead spouse was so so "sainted"? I doubt there is much difference in the percentages of unhappy marriages just because a spouse has died. Some people don't get over dead spouses anymore than some people don't get over divorced spouses. My friends widow girl friend told me she had a few rough years, but as she has gotten back into the world, she has come to conclude how much better being widowed is vs being divorced. She said there is a finality to death that is missing in divorce and closure seems easier. OTOH I completely get what you are saying. I also know a guy who's wife has been dead for 5 years. he still has all of her make up brushes and perfumes laid out on the dresser as if she left for work that morning and coming home in a few hours. He wonders why he can't meet anyone?


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## Chuck71

Sun Catcher said:


> As also mentioned by Teddie G. I didn't want to follow in the footsteps of the "saintly" dead wife. I did date one widow, well met him once and he certainly wasn't over his dead wife and she did sound like a saint, lol.
> 
> *Even friends I have who have been widowed talk about their dead husbands like they were saints, even when they were just about to go into divorce a few months before the guy died. Don't know what it is about death that makes people better than real life. *
> 
> My husband is not embittered about his old marriage. He is just happy that it is over and happy that he found me. I am not embittered either, would do it all over again if I knew that was what I had to do to find happiness with my husband.


Most think real life is like a PS3 game..... reset at any time.

Life unfortunately.... is not a dress rehearsal.


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## Sun Catcher

Ynot said:


> Those are some pretty big assumptions there. What makes you think the dead spouse was so so "sainted"? I doubt there is much difference in the percentages of unhappy marriages just because a spouse has died. Some people don't get over dead spouses anymore than some people don't get over divorced spouses. My friends widow girl friend told me she had a few rough years, but as she has gotten back into the world, she has come to conclude how much better being widowed is vs being divorced. She said there is a finality to death that is missing in divorce and closure seems easier. OTOH I completely get what you are saying. I also know a guy who's wife has been dead for 5 years. he still has all of her make up brushes and perfumes laid out on the dresser as if she left for work that morning and coming home in a few hours. He wonders why he can't meet anyone?



Ynot, my experiences, my impressions, nothing written in stone. :smile2:. The gentleman I met on line spoke of his wife (a lot). She sounded like an incredible and wonderful woman. Wish I could have met her! He didn't have a chance though, even if he hadn't been a widow, there was no spark there. :|

Closure should be easier with death you would think, but that hasn't been my experience with people I know. I just didn't want to live or try to build a relationship with someone else's ghost. One younger girl I know well had complained all the time about her husband who was kind of a dead beat with a myriad of health problems which brought on his death. She hooked up quickly with a new young healthy guy, yet a number of years down the road is still posting her old wedding pictures on each anniversary with headings like "always in my heart" "forever loved" and stuff like that. 

I just don't get that stuff and am glad my husband thinks I am the most perfect woman and wife. I love that I can fulfill his hearts desires, something his ex had never done. Not sure a widow who had a good life with his past wife would think I am so perfect! :grin2:


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## RisingSun

She has to actually like long walks on the beach.


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## Ynot

@Sun Catcher, no judgement, just asking. I was just curious, because as I said my friends have varying experiences. I think it is sort of like people who won't date, twice divorced or WASs or whatever other type of people that they happened to have had negative experiences with.


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## Sun Catcher

Ynot said:


> @Sun Catcher, no judgement, just asking. I was just curious, because as I said my friends have varying experiences. I think it is sort of like people who won't date, twice divorced or WASs or whatever other type of people that they happened to have had negative experiences with.


Well, it did take me 6 years to get back in the saddle from my last relationship. I used that time having fun and traveling with GF's and family. Also worked a lot on myself both with and without professional help. I didn't want to fall again for the same type of cheating A-holes as before. I did something right, obviously and had a whole ton of luck, too!


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## Andy1001

No Tattoos.No nurses.No doctors.
I'm ok with everything else.


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## Altair

1- If the spouse is abusive.

Verbal and/or physical.


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## ne9907

1. Passive aggressiveness
2. Needing my help financially
3. Messiness


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## Altair

You'd break up with someone if they weren't independent financially?


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## Florida_rosbif

This is not a market that I have reached yet, but "must like dogs!" People who like animals are more in tune with nature in my opinion, so dog haters can forget it.


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## MrsHolland

when I was doing OLD I had a different set of criteria, deal breakers for casual v's someone I would consider for a LTR.


Casual simply had to be good looking and employed.

LTR had to be an atheist or agnostic. Good looking. Intelligent. Very well off financially. White collar. Same ethnicity to me. Been married/divorced. Kids similar ages to mine. Not barrack for Collingwood (footy team).
Similar core values and morals. Amazing SOH.


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## Betrayedone

Smokers........No class........No education..........No loyalty..........Lazy........My ex.........Other than that, I'm open!


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## Hope Shimmers

Andy1001 said:


> No Tattoos.No nurses.No doctors.
> I'm ok with everything else.


What's wrong with doctors?


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## Hope Shimmers

Dealbreakers:

1) No drugs/alcoholics/smoking

2) No infidelity

3) Must be at least reasonably fit

4) No excessive facial hair


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## Hope Shimmers

Oh, and.... most importantly... and based upon a short stupid relationship I had in early 2015 and a LONG relationship I had from 2007 or so until years later....

1) Don't date men who will remarry their ex-wife a few months after professing their love to me. (OMG.... biggest mistake I ever made; what a total loser)

2) Don't date men who are only separated and not DIVORCED - even if they are LEGALLY separated and even if they have lived on their own for months


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## Hopeful Cynic

No drugs, smoking or alcohol
Health-conscious, active
Not hideous or physically extreme in some fashion
Financially stable/responsible, uses time productively, has a career
Intelligent/intellectual, likes to think/learn
Good parent, with good kids
Around my own age, or at least gets my jokes/references
Open minded, considerate, conscientious, socially conscious
Not religious, spiritual is okay
Geeky interests, not sports/celebrity obsessions
No lingering issues with exes, clearly over them
Not superficial
GGG
Doesn't remind me of my ex, or know my ex for that matter

It's a joke with my colleagues that I won't date anyone who can't show me their police background check, credit history and bill of health. Let's just say I don't date much. At all.


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## WorkingOnMe

Hope Shimmers said:


> What's wrong with doctors?




No teachers either. Highest rate of infidelity.


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## Hope Shimmers

WorkingOnMe said:


> No teachers either. Highest rate of infidelity.


That's not fair.


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## WorkingOnMe

Hope Shimmers said:


> That's not fair.




Nope.


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## WorkingOnMe

My biggest deal breaker, never date a woman who makes more than me. 

Also never a type a personality or one who acts dominant.


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## HeartbrokenW

WorkingOnMe said:


> My biggest deal breaker, never date a woman who makes more than me.
> 
> Also never a type a personality or one who acts dominant.


--a woman who makes more than me.. 

Apparently my ex felt the same. I won't apologize for working hard and taking care of my family. His income was always unreliable. If it bothered him so much, he should have gotten his rear in gear and found a better job.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## vel

1. Irresponsible/lazy
2. Dishonest (don't even want 'little white lies')
3. Abusive
4. Religious and/or illogical in other ways (ie homophobic, "pro-life", racist, anti-science, etc)
5. Unwilling to compromise
6. Addict of any kind (everything in moderation!)
7. Controlling
8. Expects women to fulfill traditional roles ie cooking, cleaning, etc
9. Wants more than 2 kids and/or HAS to have kids no matter what
10. Already has kids
11. Hates animals
12. No interest in travel

These are just the dealbreakers. Then of course there's a bunch more criteria he'd have to meet, more abstract to quantify; such as having a spark, being attracted to one another, being a 'good' guy, inspires me to be a better person, someone I can respect, fun to be with, enjoys a few similar hobbies, interesting to talk to, and on and on. Basically he should be my best friend. No one should be closer between us.


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## Hope Shimmers

WorkingOnMe said:


> Nope.


Insecure much?


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## Andy1001

Hope Shimmers said:


> What's wrong with doctors?


For a few years I shared an apt with two (gay) girls one of them was a nurse.We lived close to the hospital where she worked and it seems every second apt had staff from the hospital living there.I swear this is the truth,I have never met more promiscuous people in my life than I did then.The nurses seemed to think that the sun shone out of the asses of the doctors and most of the doctors had a god complex.Booty calls were the order of the day.Some of the nurses were in long term relationships but none of them were faithful to their boyfriends and in a couple of cases,husbands.
At the hospital there were a few rooms for staff on long shifts to get a short sleep.Junior doctors especially, sometimes had thirty six hour shifts at a time and my friend told me there was always some nurse or other getting screwed in these rooms.She said when it came to consultants or senior staff most of the nurses would drop their knickers like a shot just to tell their friends they had fcuked such a big shot.
I screwed a fair few of them myself but I would never get involved In a relationship with any of them.
My friends Sam(the nurse) says that the worst of the lot were the emergency room staff,they seen so much trauma that sex was just an act the same as wiping your ass.Apparently a blow job was considered almost compulsory for new nurses with their team leader.


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## Mr. Nail

Well I like to think that I have deal breakers, but the truth is I don't date, and I don't look. So I guess everything is my dealbreaker.


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## Hope Shimmers

Andy1001 said:


> For a few years I shared an apt with two (gay) girls one of them was a nurse.We lived close to the hospital where she worked and it seems every second apt had staff from the hospital living there.I swear this is the truth,I have never met more promiscuous people in my life than I did then.The nurses seemed to think that the sun shone out of the asses of the doctors and most of the doctors had a god complex.Booty calls were the order of the day.Some of the nurses were in long term relationships but none of them were faithful to their boyfriends and in a couple of cases,husbands.
> At the hospital there were a few rooms for staff on long shifts to get a short sleep.Junior doctors especially, sometimes had thirty six hour shifts at a time and my friend told me there was always some nurse or other getting screwed in these rooms.She said when it came to consultants or senior staff most of the nurses would drop their knickers like a shot just to tell their friends they had fcuked such a big shot.
> I screwed a fair few of them myself but I would never get involved In a relationship with any of them.
> My friends Sam(the nurse) says that the worst of the lot were the emergency room staff,they seen so much trauma that sex was just an act the same as wiping your ass.Apparently a blow job was considered almost compulsory for new nurses with their team leader.


Well. Obviously I have been working in boring hospitals all these years.


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## joannacroc

In no particular order:

1. Criminal record
2. Creepy, unsmiling, or psycopath-ish headshot (OLD)
3. Inability to string a sentence together
4. Racism, sexism, homophobia, anything under that umbrella
5. Gun lover
6. Alcohol/drug issues
7. STDs
8. Bad hygiene/severely overweight/allergic to exercise
9. Indifferent to good food 
10. Oatmeal-ish (bland, boring, without opinions or passion)


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## 3Xnocharm

Hmmm, been a while since Ive been on any OLD sites, but here are a few of mine:

- Drug use/abuse, either current or history of addiction. 
- No more than a 30 minute drive from home. 
- No small children... mine is grown, I am not starting over and raising someone else's.
- No chummy exes! 
- Must work...doesn't have to make a certain salary, but does have to work.


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## Begin again

arbitrator said:


> *Deal breakers for Ol' Arb are:
> 
> 1. Must be a certifiable Christian!
> 2. As a Christian, they must be open-minded to sex, not being ashamed or aversive of it, in both giving and receiving; but knowing that it is what God gave us to truly jell a marital relationship!
> 3. Must be intelligent and cognizant of world and local affairs!
> 4. Must love children and "old people" ~ as I am the later!
> 5. Must be fiscally conservative, but politically and socially centrist or liberal!
> 6. Must never have been a party to infidelity, albeit active or passive!
> 7. Honesty and forthrightness and someone who will kick my a$$ for me when I'm out of line, and vice-versa!
> 8. Cleanness and neatness!
> 9. Openly affectionate!
> 10. Must have, or would have been a stellar parent, to their kids!
> 11. No drugs or alcohol abuse of themselves or others!
> 12. Absolutely no tattoos or "body art!"
> 13. Physically fit ~ not heavy-set or obese!
> 14. Pictures submitted must be recent! If I want to see them in their high school cheerleader or drill-team uniform, I'll ask for it!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm your girl! Well... except I'm not Christian.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878

Hope Shimmers said:


> Dealbreakers:
> 
> 1) No drugs/alcoholics/smoking
> 
> 2) No infidelity
> 
> 3) Must be at least reasonably fit
> 
> 4) No excessive facial hair


You're kinda picky. What about back hair ? :surprise:


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## arbitrator

Begin again said:


> I'm your girl! Well... except I'm not Christian.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*This disciple of Ol' John Wesley (avatar) would be most honored to talk with you about Christ without ever twisting your arm!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Begin again

arbitrator said:


> *This disciple of Ol' John Wesley (avatar) would be most honored to talk with you about Christ without ever twisting your arm!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I appreciate your willingness, but your time would be better spent convincing someone else. I'm happy with my own beliefs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

Begin again said:


> I appreciate your willingness, but your time would be better spent convincing someone else. I'm happy with my own beliefs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*I never try to personally convince anyone! They must perform that task for themselves!

May I recommend a most compelling read,  The Case for Christ, by Lee Strobel.

If it does something for you, fine! If perchance it doesn't, then no harm, no foul!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Haiku

Turn offs (people in general): cruelty, racists, liars, excessive selfishness.


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## Chuck71

I can add one from my recent foray ...... NOT showing up at agreed upon time for a date and no call / message saying you will be late.


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## *Deidre*

It would be funny if you're single and you put up a profile on a dating site that is nothing but a ''deal breaker'' list, and nothing about yourself. Just a pic of yourself, and the deal breaker list hahaha I wonder how many women/men would reply.


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## Chuck71

*Deidre* said:


> It would be funny if you're single and you put up a profile on a dating site that is nothing but a ''deal breaker'' list, and nothing about yourself. Just a pic of yourself, and the deal breaker list hahaha I wonder how many women/men would reply.


As C&C Music Factory sang 25 years ago.......

"Things that make you go Hmmmmmm"


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## onepotatotwo

My deal breaker is if my gut tells me something is off, it's all off. I've listened to lies and been through all kinds of crap, so the moment things don't feel quite right, I listen to my gut and call it quits. Which is good because one guy turned out to be a known stalker-type...but I cut him off immediately and was like one text and I'll have the police on you...sounds harsh but found out shortly after he'd been seriously stalking 3 girls and made their lives miserable.


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## Hopeful Cynic

*Deidre* said:


> It would be funny if you're single and you put up a profile on a dating site that is nothing but a ''deal breaker'' list, and nothing about yourself. Just a pic of yourself, and the deal breaker list hahaha I wonder how many women/men would reply.


Depends how hot the picture is!


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