# Not Sure what to do



## snowwhitekitten (Oct 22, 2011)

I've been married for just a little over a year now, with my husband since we were 18 got married at 23. I had always been positive about our relationship working through whatever problems we had. I invested everything into the relationship, even when people told me I deserved better I didn't listen and I told them they didn't know him like I did.

However recently things have gotten worse, I have felt like I am taking care of a child, unappriciated for the things I do, and somewhat used. I almost have no interest in being intimate with him at all; I feel as if it is almost work. I have never felt this before, but recently I just don't want to be intimate; part of it is because I feel he is very forceful about it there is no romance it's purely sex with him. I have tried to have the conversation with him about these issues but he just ends up turing it around on me telling me what i'm not doing right.

What has made things worse is that recently he has told me he has been extremely depressed, thinking of harming himself and possible suicide. His depression is something we have been dealing with our whole relationship. I have begged him to seek help, he says this time he will but I'm not sure if he really will. I have been the supportive partner through this before but I'm just not sure if I can deal with it again.

Things have recently come to head for me because I have started feeling like I do not want to be married but just 24, I want to go out and have fun with my friends. However on the other hand I love my husband I honestly do, I do not want to get a divorce but I wonder if I made the right choice. I do not want to regret my marriage with him but I also don't want to get a divorce and realize I've made a horrible mistake.

I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm afraid of how he will react and I do not want my friends and family to judge me. I need help and guidance because I do not know what to do and it is driving me crazy


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Loving a depressed person can suck the life out of you. They take and take and you feel guilty for not being able to do more. But at some point you have to let them take care of their own happiness. Try reading Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue or Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend. Also read up on co-dependency.


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## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

Talking about suicide is a major red flag. He needs to be seen by a professional pronto!

And I have been dealing with my husband's depression for over 5 years, so I know how hard that can be. I spent way too long trying to "fix" it for him...pushing him to get help and making recommendations and ultimatums. It never worked. Know what did? Finally taking care of myself rather than him. He seemed to finally "get it" that it wasn't MY problem, but his and he had the responsibility to work on it himself. It's early in the process, but for the first time in a long time, I really do have hope again.


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