# No to Casual Dating is that a Red Flag?



## letstalk2007 (Jul 18, 2016)

Have you ever met a guy or girl who doesn't do casual dating, when dating you? Like they just want to date you and you alone, you can't date any one else, and they will not date any one else. Do you think this form of dating is a red flag, or is it casual for dating nowadays? What do you think about it, have you done it before or do you prefer casual dating when single and dating people.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

letstalk2007 said:


> Have you ever met a guy or girl who doesn't do casual dating, when dating you? Like they just want to date you and you alone, you can't date any one else, and they will not date any one else. Do you think this form of dating is a red flag, or is it casual for dating nowadays? What do you think about it, have you done it before or do you prefer casual dating when single and dating people.


Do you like this person? Do they like you? If you want to play the field, then let them know. If they are worth dating, then try dating just them. What do you have to lose? You date for a month... It's either great or it's not. But if you don't bother to find out... You'll never know. Unless you just didn't care enough to begin with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I never casually dated. I can't say whether the guys did or not, but when I dated anyone, it was always one person, and only one person, at a time. So, if I were ever dating again, I wouldn't be casual about it. At least, not the way many are casual. 

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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> I never casually dated. I can't say whether the guys did or not, but when I dated anyone, it was always one person, and only one person, at a time. So, if I were ever dating again, I wouldn't be casual about it. At least, not the way many are casual.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Same here - this was the only type of "dating" I knew. As a youngster never fully understood what dating meant. Maybe I am showing my age, but we called it "going out with" and that was pretty monogamous. Sure there were guys (and some gals) who went out with many different others but it did not seem like the norm for me. Not to say I didn't have many girlfriends - just avoided two timing anyone which is what it would seem like to me.

Nowadays, seems like it is recommended practice to "play the field" until you find the one.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't think it's a red flag. Some people just aren't comfortable dating more than one person at a time. That's okay.

I was a casual dater before I dated my husband. I had a date with another guy the night before my first date with my husband. After that first date I just knew I didn't want to date anyone else. So I didn't.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Casual Dating = Casual Sex
Well that's what I have been told. 



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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Why would dating one person bring about red flags? 

I have traditionally always dated one girl at a time, but never ever told them that I was exclusively dating them until I felt it was time to tell them!

Dating this way tended to build up either a slow closeness or opened my eyes to hidden dealbreakers that made me want to look elsewhere!

In my younger, more formative years, it served me as well as it could! In my dotage, suffice it to say, I have become more discerning and far less trusting!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't see anything wrong with that. I never dated for the sake of dating, it was about getting to know someone. It didn't take me long to figure out if I want to spend more time with a person or not anyway, so no need to overlap people. I'm all about quality over quantity.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

MrsAldi said:


> Casual Dating = Casual Sex
> Well that's what I have been told.
> 
> 
> ...


Disagree.

There is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and meeting different people, it's fun and interesting and can lead to some new experiences.

Once you decide you like each other then sure it should become monogamous, if a long term relationship is your goal.

To me the red flag would be someone telling me on the first date that I need to promise to only date them. I would label that person as insecure and controlling. And it has happened to me, big turn off.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Cooper said:


> Disagree.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and meeting different people, it's fun and interesting and can lead to some new experiences.
> 
> ...


When some men say casual they mean they don't want a relationship, I understand completely if you're different.
Anyway I just found out OP is a sock puppet poster who has been banned many times. 

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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

LetsTalk,

As a male the idea of casual dating multiple women is attractive, as a feeling being however, the idea of having a competition where I have multiple women competing for my attention seems dehumanizing and cruel. 

Of course you can lie to the women and not tell them you are casually dating, but to start out relationships with dishonesty will usually lead to bad relationships.

Tamat


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I have never casually dated anyone. If I am going on a date with you, it's to see if there is anything there between us. I would never focus my energy on multiple women to see who is "best". Either there is a connection or there isn't. I wouldn't date someone who would date multiple people either (I won't fight for attention or even be ok with them having sex with someone else). This isn't like, a 1 date and that's it thing. Usually, if you are planning a second date, you have talked and texted and emailed enough to know if this is worth working on.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I prefer men who would NOT want casual dating... I am old fashioned like that.. 

I understand, however, if one finds themselves single..the desire to meet a variety of people to see if anyone clicks, has that long term "soul mate" potential..... it usually takes meeting more than one person ...but we don't have to be sleeping with them! 

Although I think my views are old school today.. I would presume most who casually date are also casually jumping in the sack...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I am on board with @Herschel and @SimplyAmorous . I would have zero interest in casual dating. If (hopefully never) I ever got back on the dating scene, IMO the whole point at the start would be to get to know the person , which for me means focusing my attention on them. It wouldn't take many dates for me to determine whether I am truly interested in the person or would rather move on. Why would I want to spend time with someone who possibly would keep coming back to me simply b/c I was "better" than her other dates, and possibly banging some other dude(s) while hanging around me  . I am not the type of person to string someone along, so if you can't give me a few weeks or so just to see if there is something between us, then don't let the door hit you on the way out.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My experience was that everyone starts off casual dating. Oh you can certainly go on one date at a time and asses if you want more dates before a commitment but when online dating you are generally talking to multiple people and those people are doing the same. That has always been the great criticism of online dating....to many opportunities to upgrade or find the BBD.

It's definitely a double edged sword. Saying you want to be exclusive too early can be creepy and saying you want to go slow seems non commitment . A lot of it boils down to good communication about what you want and what your looking for overall


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

When I briefly re-entered the dating world, there was no way I would have dated multiple people at the same time. I was sincerely looking for my next spouse. I wanted someone else who was doing the same. I have never casually dated, and had zero desire to be with anyone who wanted just that. I was very upfront about that. My motto was "I don't play well with others". I'm not interested in sharing, even in the early parts of dating.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

This topic has been discussed on many forum sites many times. Basically, there are two distinct dating philosophies: single-daters, and multi-daters. Single daters focus on one person at a time, then look for someone else if that doesn't work out. Multi-daters will casually date several people (if they have several prospects) for a short overlap period, and quickly weed out those who aren't a good match; they'll keep dating several new people until someone is a potential keeper, and THEN focus on just one. (There are some who will continue dating several for extended periods, but I don't think this is ethical unless there is also disclosure and agreement.)

I'm in the multi-dater camp. IMO, it's far more efficient, and you find a good match a lot sooner. Since 80% or more of dates go nowhere or aren't compatible, moving on to the next quickly gives good results faster. And yeah, I was looking for a LTR, a serious relationship. I just didn't want to spend years inefficiently dating sequentially - you have to be awfully lucky, or very unselective, for things to work with an early prospect.

However, it's a matter of preference, and the two philosophies usually aren't happy with someone from the other group. I would never limit my options early on, because the odds are any one person I dated wasn't going to last beyond a few dates. At that point, I'd know enough to decide to focus on that one person, or move on. So for me, it was only for the first few dates that I'd multi-date, and then would have a discussion about being exclusive while we saw where things went.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> I never casually dated. I can't say whether the guys did or not, but when I dated anyone, it was always one person, and only one person, at a time. So, if I were ever dating again, I wouldn't be casual about it. At least, not the way many are casual.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


This describes me pretty well. When I was dating, I was only dating one person at a time. I imagine that if I ever get cast back into the dating pool that I would still only date one person at a time.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I would pretty routinely have a couple first dates within a week or so timeframe. Sometimes even a first date and a second date, with two different guys, within a week. However, if I decided I'd like a third date with a guy, then I would stop dating and/or chatting with any of the others who were prospects at that time. I tended to presume that the men I was seeing were largely operating in a similar manner unless or until we'd had an actual conversation about seeing one another exclusively. 

I don't have sex with anyone I'm not in an exclusive relationship with, though, so I had zero overlap of sexual partners.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

letstalk2007 said:


> Have you ever met a guy or girl who doesn't do casual dating, when dating you? Like they just want to date you and you alone, you can't date any one else, and they will not date any one else. Do you think this form of dating is a red flag, or is it casual for dating nowadays? What do you think about it, have you done it before or do you prefer casual dating when single and dating people.


Not sure why, but my nature is to only date one girl at a time. Been married 28 years and I dated my wife for 4.5 years prior to marriage - so it has been a while. 

When I was in high school and college (prior to getting married) I was very picky about who I dated - I had to really have the hots for the girl or I would just rather go out with my guy friends and have fun. 

I remember one girl who went on a few dates with me and I did really like her - she was very pretty - but - I asked her out one weekend where I wanted to do something both Friday and Saturday - she said yes to Friday and no to Saturday because she already had plans - I asked her if she had a date with another guy and she said yes (now - we were not exclusive but I was heading that way) so I just cancelled (well actually I just did not show up to pick her up on the Friday) the Friday and got another date for those two nights (it was for a Fraternity function so I needed dates for those nights) - and man - this girl really got upset with me for cancelling (without telling her) the Friday night - and I just really did not even explain - just cut her off and I was done. Just the way I am - and if I was to become single now - I would still be the same way. I guess I don't share very well or something.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> Casual Dating = Casual Sex
> Well that's what I have been told.
> 
> 
> ...




Ummm, no


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

soccermom2three said:


> Ummm, no


Must be a culture difference, if a man in my country says "I only want a casual relationship with you, it means I will have sex with you as well as other women" 
Maybe in the US it's different. 

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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MrsAldi said:


> Must be a culture difference, if a man in my country says "I only want a casual relationship with you, it means I will have sex with you as well as other women"
> Maybe in the US it's different.
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


I don't think casual dating equates to casual sex, but for those who do engage in casual sex, casual dating is probably the route to go.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> Must be a culture difference, if a man in my country says "I only want a casual relationship with you, it means I will have sex with you as well as other women"
> Maybe in the US it's different.
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


Honestly, I don't think it is necessarily a cultural thing. That was my thought, as well.

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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Like I said earlier - its down to one's definition of dating. We didn't use the term per se.

Putting yourself out there to see whats around is fine. I wouldn't call that dating (in my day) - that would be going to dinner or going to the movies or going bowling etc. Often it would be in a group and I would sidle up to who I was interested in and see if it was in anyway mutual. A few of these and you pretty much got an idea if there was mutual attraction and maybe common ground. Sex certainly didn't happen until you were pretty serious about each other and even then, not always.

Dating was almost as good as being engaged. So I guess its just a question of terminology and what you call dating.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Back in the day, one could go out on a date but it wasn't considered "dating" unless there were frequent dates. After about 3 dates it was assumed to be an exclusive dating relationship. But that was back before the 3 date rule for sex was considered universal. Someone who went out with numerous people on dates but didn't repeat within maybe a month with any one person wasn't considered to be in a dating relationship with that person.

Regularly dating more than one person at a time even before they became sexual was considered kind of cheating or dishonest if it wasn't specifically made clear.

Today my impression from single and young friends is that "casual dating" is code words for "having sex with multiple people without commitment". It also means the person is not looking for a LTR.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

3 date rule for sex is universal? Damn... I really better hope I never have to enter the dating world again. :rofl:

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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I prefer men who would NOT want casual dating... I am old fashioned like that..


I want to make a point that I do not think that casual dating is "new fashioned". I think that the concept of marriage, equality and how we handle ourselves in relationships is actually better than it was 30-50 years ago. Society is definitely different and online dating and apps make it much easier to be casual, but if they had this stuff then, it would likely be just as bad.

As far as "old fashioned" goes, I tend to think of how society was in the 1950s. The golden age if you will. Where women were a step above children, men drank whiskey at work and slept with their secretaries. Less divorces only meant that women weren't empowered back then or didn't have the funds/capability to do so.


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