# Dad, why are you doing this???



## WTSM (Aug 27, 2011)

My son (10) asked me if I was going to a cookout at my mother-in-law's house (where my wife is staying). I told him that I wasn't (we have already shared with them that we are separating). He hung up the phone on me and I called him back and asked him why. He said that he was upset and asked "Dad, why are you doing this?" I wanted to tell him that it was his mother who decided to leave. It was his mother that had the nervous breakdown and is dealing with paranoia and on antidepressants. But I can't tell him that right? His mother is the one who thought I had an affair and and changed the PIN in her bank account and did not (side note - when she called the bank a month later they told her several of their clients had been locked out of their accounts during that time). All she said was sorry. Oh - plus I have been mean to her over the course of our marriage (but she has never said a word). This is not a husband B.S. line, but I can literally count on one hand the number of times I have yelled at her in 15+ years of marriage. But I can't tell my 10 year old that - OR CAN I??? 

Of course not!!!


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## can'tbelieveit (Dec 8, 2009)

I don't know if you can. I want my kids to know that what is happening to their family is not my choice. Of course they are too young to know (5,6)....but I do want them to know that I wasnt the one that gave up. Whatbdoes your son think is happening? Have you and your W talked to him together?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WTSM (Aug 27, 2011)

We've talked to both him and my 13 year old daughter. We didn't get into the why's of the separation just the fact that we are. I don't know what he thinks, but I will ask him. My daughter will figure stuff out. She knows that her mom has had issues with always being tired and irritable and the fact that they spend more time with me than her. But only time will tell.


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## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

It is not your responsibility to make excuses for someone else's behaviour. 

My wife wanted the seperation/split/divorce/whatever it is, but it was me who had to tell the children. 

Just be there for them. Re-assure them that you love them no matter what, you'll always be their Daddy, you'll always be there for them, and that you think about them every day, and you'll never, ever stop loving them. 

That's all they need to hear for now. Don't make the mistake of treating them like friends or makeshift therapists, they don't want to hear your crap, they just want you to be strong and be there for them. 

Time will out it all in due course, when they are old enough to hear it. Not before. 

I understand your frustrations completely, but don't lower yourself. You'll have your day in the Sun mate, we all will, but that day won't come for a while yet. 

Just savour it when it does.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Honesty is the best policy in my books, but the complete story. Your children will still love and respect their mother and you. Children arevery resiient. Why should you take on all the blame? or let misunderstandings continue?


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