# Want kids and husband doesn't



## petra (Nov 4, 2011)

I've been married 5 years now and love my husband even though he can be tough to deal with at times. We both wanted kids before we got married. The past few years he won't discuss children and keeps saying our marriage is not solid enough. I kept thinking things would come together and he would come around. Now i am 38 and thinking about divorcing him do to the fact that nothing is changing and my time to have a child is flying by. He is very careful when we have sex to avoid me getting pregnant. This just doesn't feel right to me. Am I just being selfish here.? I value my marriage but this is crazy!! This is my second marriage.....I hate the thought of going through another divorce. I am so brokenhearted right now.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

You mentioned he can be hard to deal with, can you give some examples? 

Perhaps he knows he is "hard to deal with" and doesn't want to drag a child into a marriage that he may feel isn't ready for one?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

How "solid" does he want it to be?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

In my experience, having kids makes things harder on a marriage, not easier. I'm sure that's not the case all the time, but...

What are you two doing to try to resolve the issues that exist?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## petra (Nov 4, 2011)

Yeah, I think I might have answered my own question. After 5 years of marriage and councilors maybe this isn't someone I should have kids with. Maybe he does see some of the issues he has, although in my opinion everyone does ,its just how you deal with them. When I say hard to deal with I just mean he is very moody sometimes and acts like a 5 year old. Not unlike most men I've experienced. I love him and have stood by him but if I want kids I need to be real with myself and make a decision. I realize that life is short and I really want to be a mom. He has that option later, I don't. I would never have gotten married a second time if it hadn't been for wanting a family. I should never have to choose between him or being a mom. thats not what i signed up for. He keeps waiting for this perfect relationship that I probably won't be able to give. Sorry for talking in circles, I think I've lost my mind somewhere down this road. wish i could just reboot


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

petra said:


> When I say hard to deal with I just mean he is very moody sometimes and acts like a 5 year old.



This is probably not someone you want to have kids with then. Its good to realize this now.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Or just accept that if you do have kids with him, you'll most likely being doing it "alone". My friend did that. Her husband is a dolt and she knew going into it that he wouldn't be a hands on dad.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Reminds me of my husband. He spoke of us having kids prior to marriage and even mentioned having one within our first year. Now that we married he suddenly doesn't want to have any at all if he can help it and even though I'm on the pill he acts like I'm not. He has, however, said that he would prefer to wait around 5 years to see if we're gonna work out because he doesn't want to have children with someone when the marriage is possibly weak and may not survive. Plus, it would be financially smarter to wait. Those reasons make sense. I just wish he didn't go on and on about having kids before, getting my hopes all up. But I got over. I don't care anymore. I'm only 23. 

I don't think you're being selfish because he has known from the beginning that you wanted children. If you feel as if he won't give you want you want the most then find someone who will. In the end he may agree with having children but if may be just to please you and may carry that resentment whenever he sees the child.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

To the OP, if you really think this is outside of your husband's avenue, then you should of bailed yesterday. I know some women, who have struggled to find someone to have kids with, and they are around your age. If you told them some men didn't want to have children with them... on to the next one!!!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband's ex-wife did this to him. They divorced 4 years later because my husband really wanted to be a father. Luckily for me, 12 years later we have 3 beautiful girls. He is a wonderful father and husband.

Not wanting children was a deal breaker. I couldn't imagine my life without my children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Two years would have done it for me. Five years would be wasting my time. I understand some can wait that long though.


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