# Feelings changed during R



## Cris7 (Oct 12, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/61700-husband-ea-co-worker-what-do-14.html#post1717953

I've posted a link to my previous thread. H is in IC now and seems to be improving a little. Things between us are the same. We get along well, great sex and good communication. He has been saying I love you more. I should be happy, but I find that I am not caring. I just have this blah feeling when it comes to him. Honestly some days I wish he would come to me and say that he wants a divorce and he's certain about it. Deep down I dont want a divorce. Have any of you experienced this? Does this mean that I'm done with him?
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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

It means your still hurt and you haven't completely forgiven yet. It takes time...your still numb. Bytrayal just like death forces you to go through the grieving process...the relationship you thought you had is over, you are now creating a new one. You will have to let yourself grieve and let go of the old to start building the new. You will go through being sad/hurt...to angry/denial.....numb/acceptance
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## Cris7 (Oct 12, 2012)

Yeah I think I am I between angry and numb. I have days when I am furious with him and myself for putting up with the crap. Then other days I just feel like whatever happens happens and I do t really care either way.
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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

You're going through the stages of grief. Just ride it out. There's no way of knowing how long it will take.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

cycle and cycle again and cycle some more


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

google plain of lethal flatness


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

You can make many trips through these stages before your done. Just know you have to go through them otherwise you will not heal. You will be stuck in a stage.... none of which are a place to take up residence. Let the emotions come and go they will decrease with time. Hang in there! ;-)
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## Cris7 (Oct 12, 2012)

I'll hang in there as long as it takes. One thing I am struggling with is keeping this happy and good where my kids and H are concerned. H has expressed in the past that one of the reasons he considers divorce is because it kills him how much I am hurting. I try and hide the hurt from him for that reason. I have taken up boxing and punching the bag helps. 
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## Cris7 (Oct 12, 2012)

Thank you acabado for that suggestion. It helped a lot reading that.
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## still so sad (May 27, 2013)

Yup, I feel that way too. My feelings have changed during the last 18 mo of MC and working toward reconciliation. I went from shock and hurt - to anger- to all hurt- to now where I flip flop between anger and numbness. So glad that I am not the only one. Sometimes I even wonder if I should have persued the divorce and just tried to start over ( not that I still couldn't) but I when I look back from where I am now to where I started, I see the positive progress. I see the progress in him too. I don't believe we would have gotten nearly this far without our therapist though.

I feel like I have gone from a day-to-day mentality to a week - to week. Hopefully some day soon I can say month-to-month.

One thing I can say for sure now is, while I do still love him on some levels, I don't respect him the same way, I don't trust him the same way and I don't view our marriage in the same way.


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

Yeah, it's common. When I was getting back together for R I ha a hard time reconnecting with him. I worried I'd fallen outta love. It's alot like starting over from scratch. He needs to win you again..
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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Don't try to hard to hide it. That's just a form of rug sweeping, and will only extend the amount of time the process takes to get through.

He has to work at winning you back. After the shock of the A has worn off and the "fight" is over there is the realization of how badly you were betrayed. He needs to show you he wants you, and that he's worth having.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

You are 6 months post DD... Ambivalence is pretty normal. Sounds like you might also be hitting that stage where it is no longer really focused on WTH happened to ‘how do I feel about it and the direction I want to go?’ 

There will be a lot of self-reflection about how you feel about him and your choices to stay. And a ton of totally opposite emotions. For me it was like a non-stop argument with myself about how I should feel (Hallmark love) and another voice saying “but you don’t feel that way”. Limbo... not really sure where you are because it doesn’t match at all where you think you should be... and no strong emotion pointing the way.

For most... they find their way. Just keep taking steps forward in the direction you want to go.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Acabado said:


> google plain of lethal flatness


Helpful link Acababo.
Do you think the WS also experiences this?
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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Cris7 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/61700-husband-ea-co-worker-what-do-14.html#post1717953
> 
> I've posted a link to my previous thread. H is in IC now and seems to be improving a little. Things between us are the same. We get along well, great sex and good communication. He has been saying I love you more. I should be happy, but I find that I am not caring. I just have this blah feeling when it comes to him. Honestly some days I wish he would come to me and say that he wants a divorce and he's certain about it. Deep down I dont want a divorce. Have any of you experienced this? Does this mean that I'm done with him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My feelings for my H changed during R. However they changed the complete opposite of yours. I was the WS who had an EA. 

I fell in love with my H again. I am still head over heels for him now. We worked very hard on re-connecting. I didnt think this was possible but it is because it happened to me.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Acabado said:


> google plain of lethal flatness


I should really just go around and search for Acabado's posts - because I tend to agree with all of them. He's like my TAM twin separated at birth.


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