# 30 years of living with an alcoholic



## Inabetterplace

I decided I'd sit down and write this and just maybe it would help me as well as anyone out there that is going through this hell. Yes it was hell. Some days it was good but when it was bad it was really bad.

From the first time I met my husband he had a problem with alcohol and at first I partied with him. But as time went by I just lost interest in drinking. His drinking lead to other addictions as well from chatting with other women online, porn and drugs. It seemed that he could drop one thing and go to another without skipping a beat. He started off with a six pack and when that couldn't get him high enough or fast enough he soon hit the hard stuff. I watched in amazement as he could sit down and finish off a fifth with a six pack in one sitting generally in less than an hour.

The more he drank the more I was left alone. Soon we were not even sleeping together. I'd go to work and come home and sit in the den by myself watching TV and he would be in the next room drinking. I lost interest in all my hobbies and before I knew it years had pasted. Oh he would swear off alcohol at least once a year and stay sober for a few weeks but then hit it hard and heavy always saying he deserved it.

In his line of work he only worked during the fall and winter and I actually looked forward to those months since we would stay sober "somewhat", but when summer rolled around and he was home look out.

I'll never forget my bottom for it was this past May when he got laid off. I came home to find him on the deck pasted out with a plate of chicken that he had took off the grill in his lap. This was it! As I stood there looking at him I thought to myself this is what I have to look forward to in retirement? Right then I decided I had had enough.

At the age of 59 I was about to turn my life upside down and take it back to find some sort of normal. I started saving every penny I could and this past July I left. It's been a month now and for the first time in a very long time I am at peace. Of course this has been hard on both of us. He has stopped drinking and is now attending AA meetings. I'm going to Al Anon and church and finding that I like normal. 

I don't know what's going to happen to us. I'm taking it one day at a time. But what I do know is that I will NEVER live in that kind of enviroment again.

Thanks for listening


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## Frostrose

I'm glad to hear that you are living a normal life and that your husband is going to AA meetings.My Grandfather has been an alcoholic since he was 19 years old.My Grandmother has been through hell with him.Throughout my childhood it was nothing but arguments because he didn't want to give up his drinking.My Uncles used to beg him to go to AA meetings.My Grandmother even cried and begged him to go too.She loved him so much.I think if he would have just listened he would still be alive today.


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## Inabetterplace

Frostrose said:


> I'm glad to hear that you are living a normal life and that your husband is going to AA meetings.My Grandfather has been an alcoholic since he was 19 years old.My Grandmother has been through hell with him.Throughout my childhood it was nothing but arguments because he didn't want to give up his drinking.My Uncles used to beg him to go to AA meetings.My Grandmother even cried and begged him to go too.She loved him so much.I think if he would have just listened he would still be alive today.


I lost my brother to this horrible disease as well and I just couldn't stand around and watch my husband do the same thing. No amount of begging, nagging and threats will make them change. They have to do this themselves for themselves. Sometimes time runs out and they never reach their bottom. I pray for my husband every day that this will be the time he beats this. Thanks for your post and I truly am sorry for your loss.


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## Going Mental

What an awesomely inspiring story Inabetterplace. It sounds like you just might find your peace


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## Emerald

Congratulations!

I hope your H continues with his sobriety. Maybe his "bottom" was you leaving?


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## Inabetterplace

Update:
So much has happened and praise God it's all good. My AH stopped drinking and has been sober for a few months now, and attending AA. We both are going to counseling together and separate. I've moved back home and couldn't be happier. Sure we have our moments and learning how to communicate with each all over again, but when a marriage doesn't have that third wheel involved it makes a huge difference. We are fighting for our marriage. Please keep us in your prayers.


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## NeedHelpPlease

Thank you so much for sharing your story. We are only a few years into our marriage and I am already at the point that I can't take it anymore. I am so afraid to lose my marriage and the man I love, but the alcohol and the ramifications are tearing me up inside. It's nice to hear that there is hope and that if he and I both commit to changing things and getting help there may be hope for us.


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## that_girl

How strong you are! I don't know what you are working towards, if nothing more than feeling "normal", but I hope the best for you.


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## Freak On a Leash

Inabetterplace said:


> Update:
> So much has happened and praise God it's all good. My AH stopped drinking and has been sober for a few months now, and attending AA. We both are going to counseling together and separate. I've moved back home and couldn't be happier..


Best of luck, I hope it works out for you and your husband stays on course. My husband has stopped drinking for a few months at a time here and there and even went back to work once, but he always goes back to the bottle. He won't go to AA though. He believes HE is the higher power. 

I wouldn't move back in with my husband. He bribed me with a "substantial savings account" to move in with him and I said "no". Aside from having to live with and his antics, I just love living alone. I love having my own place and doing things on my own terms, in my own my way. I'm truly convinced that I was never meant for marriage. 

For the first time in my entire life, I'm happy. My college age daughter still comes home so I'm not entirely by myself and I have friends and hobbies and my work so I don't need my husband. 

Once in awhile we'll go out for dinner and drinks and he'll pay for it so I'm good. We all do what we can to thrive and survive. I hope your husband does good by you but be ready to walk out again should he relapse. Not for him, but for yourself.


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## baddecisions

I'm truly inspired by your story. I'm 33 and have been with my husband since I was 18 (married for 5 years now). We started off drinking together in college. To me, his lifestyle and family were so drastically different than what i knew, and it was an instant attraction. Now, so many years later...I realize that I've been living in misery. We are currently separated and I'm hoping to find a "normal" for my three kids and I. Thanks for sharing your story.


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## montanagirl

my husband as well is an alcoholic..slowly gotten worse over the years,, i too am saving,, im alone most of the time while he drinks,, im contemplating leaving as well, but scared to do so,, i have never been alone , this is my very first post on this site


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## endlessgrief

It saddens me to read so many posts that look like they could all be written by the same person. We think love and support is the answer and when we find out it means nothing it kills something inside of us.

I too am where you are. Good for you for leaving. Leaving an alcoholic is NOT to punish THEM, it is to heal OURSELVES. We are not being selfish to care about our own wellbeing. All of our loving efforts either go ignored OR the drunk doesn't remember them. How can they be truly sorry for their actions when they don't remember doing any of it? 

The spouse of a drunk IS truly alone. I live in the same house with a man I see maybe one hour per day if that. That was my decision because I was so tired of begging him to stop drinking and just love me. Please hug me! Please kiss me! Please lay with me! When you need to beg your spouse for the simplest kiss, it's no longer a marriage, it's a farce. It's scary, sad, infuriating, and will never change unless WE change ourselves. 

So good for you OP for finally taking a stand. You are going to grow more now than in your entire life. Living with a drunk hinders our personal growth because we put all of our love, worry, and concern into the drunk and forget about ourselves and our happiness. We keep waiting for that day THEY WILL HIT BOTTOM AND STOP DRINKING. Well, as you found out, that day will never come and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can get our own lives back. 

I wish you nothing but the best my sister (we are family of some sort since we are all living the same thing). Keep strong, hold your bottom line and LIVE!!!! Enjoy life, you only get one.


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## Cynthia03

Freak On a Leash said:


> Best of luck, I hope it works out for you and your husband stays on course. My husband has stopped drinking for a few months at a time here and there and even went back to work once, but he always goes back to the bottle. He won't go to AA though. He believes HE is the higher power.
> 
> I wouldn't move back in with my husband. He bribed me with a "substantial savings account" to move in with him and I said "no". Aside from having to live with and his antics, I just love living alone. I love having my own place and doing things on my own terms, in my own my way. I'm truly convinced that I was never meant for marriage.
> 
> For the first time in my entire life, I'm happy. My college age daughter still comes home so I'm not entirely by myself and I have friends and hobbies and my work so I don't need my husband.
> 
> Once in awhile we'll go out for dinner and drinks and he'll pay for it so I'm good. We all do what we can to thrive and survive. I hope your husband does good by you but be ready to walk out again should he relapse. Not for him, but for yourself.


Hello . . . need some input please.
This is my first post to this site. I have been living with a narcotic drug addict for 30 years. My husband went into a treatment facility 8 months ago (because he was dying from the drugs). He has been home for 7 months and as far as I understand of what's going on, he is a "dry addict". He says that the NA and AA meetings are bull**** . He is completely emotionally detatched. He sleeps most of the time. He barely eats. It really feels as if his mission is to make anyone around him miserable, like him. Our house is filled with gloom and doom. I try so very hard to keep some happiness for myself. But I am realizing that I may need to end this marraige of 33 years. I have moved into a different room and am now using our second bathroom. I find that it has given me a slight sense of peace just by having some of my own space. I have been married to him since I was 15 years old and am scared to be alone--scared to leave him alone. However, I keep finding the more I separate myself from him, the better I feel. Funny thing is that I thought that all would be well when he stopped using---things have gotten worse instead. I was struck by the post above in regards to liking living alone. Could that be me? Could I find some happiness alone? Because I feel so absolutely alone living in the same house with my husband. I am sure that living here IS the most lonely place I could be


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## Freak On a Leash

Cynthia03 said:


> Hello . . . need some input please.
> This is my first post to this site. I have been living with a narcotic drug addict for 30 years. My husband went into a treatment facility 8 months ago (because he was dying from the drugs). He has been home for 7 months and as far as I understand of what's going on, he is a "dry addict". He says that the NA and AA meetings are bull**** . He is completely emotionally detatched. He sleeps most of the time. He barely eats. It really feels as if his mission is to make anyone around him miserable, like him. Our house is filled with gloom and doom. I try so very hard to keep some happiness for myself. But I am realizing that I may need to end this marraige of 33 years. I have moved into a different room and am now using our second bathroom. I find that it has given me a slight sense of peace just by having some of my own space. I have been married to him since I was 15 years old and am scared to be alone--scared to leave him alone. However, I keep finding the more I separate myself from him, the better I feel. Funny thing is that I thought that all would be well when he stopped using---things have gotten worse instead. I was struck by the post above in regards to liking living alone. Could that be me? Could I find some happiness alone? Because I feel so absolutely alone living in the same house with my husband. I am sure that living here IS the most lonely place I could be





Better to be happy alone then miserable living with someone else. So now your husband has stopped using and that exuse is gone..and what you are left with is a nasty, abusive person that you don't want to be with. Sounds familar...

Life is short. Why waste it being with someone who makes you unhappy? If you feel better being away from someone isn't that telling you something? 

People's fear of being alone and living on their own is the single biggest barrier to pursuing a life free of pain and abuse. The first step in a long journey is the first one..and it's often the most difficult.


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