# husband has legislative reason doing violence to me?



## nycgirl (Sep 10, 2015)

In a midnight, what u would do if u found out ur wife's account is reopened in a dating site? My husband found that my old dating account is available in a dating site last midnight. Idon't know what happened on that account! I closed it. I don't know y its reopened. He turned lights on ,questioned me and did violence threatening me immediately at 3oclock in the morning after I told him that I didn't reopen it and I will figure it out in the day because the dating site customer service is working in a daytime and I wanted to go back sleep.he questioned me,he insisted me to log into the account by threatening me. Unfortunately, I don't remember the pwd. He got crazy ,put his angry face on my eyes talking with me and throw my quilt on the ground.he stopped doing violence after I told him I will call 911,if he will touch me . After the whole thing，he looked pretty calm and claimed to me that what he did is normal as a husband ! He has legible reason doing that！Is that really ,,?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nycgirl (Sep 10, 2015)

nobody helps me


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

There is no law in the US that allows a man to 'do violence' to a woman (or a man) for any reason besides self protection. Maybe where you are from it's different. But here, it isn't allowed.

Dating profiles don't usually go away even when you discontinue their service. What he should look at is the last time yo logged on, which the profile will usually say somewhere. "active in the last X days"

It takes a lot to get them to remove it completely because they like to say they have a lot of members and that number would go down if they are all removed. 

Why was he on a dating site? Was he looking for you? Is he controlling and jealous?


----------



## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

I think 'legislative' should be 'legitimate'.

And by 'violence', I assuming yelling, and not physical.

Considering there is almost zero context, I can't answer.


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

When you say 'doing violence' do you mean yelling? Breaking things?

But to answer your question he has no legal right as your husband to direct any kind of violence towards you. 

As far as normal behavior of a husband who finds his wife's dating profile is active, I think anger might be expected. But you can be angry without being violent. His jumping straight in to violence is a bad sign. 

What is your relationship like normally? Arguments? Displays of temper? Cheating?

It helps to know your background.


----------



## nycgirl (Sep 10, 2015)

thanks for replying my post. he said that he was searching me in that dating website because serveral days ago we had a big argument. He doubted that i will be in that website. I never went to any dating site after fight. 

I am pretty sure that i closed the accountant. nobody can find my profile by my account name. I think that he reopened my account because he is the only person who can access my computer by password. He tried to give me a hard time and find out whether i m in other possible dating site or talking with anyone. I sweared to GOD, i didnt do anything. Eeverytime no matter how crazy he is , i go through it. however, this time,i can not deal with it. he is disgusting in front of me. he is drama king!


----------



## nycgirl (Sep 10, 2015)

OnTheFly said:


> I think 'legislative' should be 'legitimate'.
> 
> And by 'violence', I assuming yelling, and not physical.
> 
> Considering there is almost zero context, I can't answer.


is not an violence? he woke me up at 3oclock in the morning. turned on light, threatened to me by telling that if i dont log into that dating site,he will ...(dont remember what exact word). I told him that i didnt reopen that account. He didnt believe. put his mouth on my face talking with me and threw my quilt on the ground after i said I will call the site in the day!


----------



## nycgirl (Sep 10, 2015)

VermisciousKnid said:


> When you say 'doing violence' do you mean yelling? Breaking things?
> 
> But to answer your question he has no legal right as your husband to direct any kind of violence towards you.
> 
> ...


our relationship is like arguments, although we usually sit down and have a talk. however, he is pretty argumentative like a lawyer who try to convince you that his logic is right and argue every details that he can possibilly find.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Did you meet your husband on this dating site? Out of all of the dating sites out there, how did he know to check this particular one for you?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It sounds like he threatened you but didn't attack you.

Throwing a quilt on the ground is unpleasant but not assault.

What do you mean by putting his mouth on your head?

Regardless, you two could really use some marriage counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nycgirl (Sep 10, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Did you meet your husband on this dating site? Out of all of the dating sites out there, how did he know to check this particular one for you?


yes, we met each other on this site. 

the question is that nobody will use old account to cheat his/her partner. Is that stupid by using old account cheating partner?

also my email box received registered information from dating sites. Even i moved letter to spam box, still later the same site will show up in my inbox since i married him.. My email account is Yahoo which is pretty dependable site. My antivirus software is Kaspersky which is top one antivirus. 

He always questions me where i go who i meet. he question me whether i have personal talk with mail in messenger. He feel frustrated if i just join activities by myself.


----------



## nycgirl (Sep 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> It sounds like he threatened you but didn't attack you.
> 
> Throwing a quilt on the ground is unpleasant but not assault.
> 
> ...


talking with me by puting his mouth on my face


----------



## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

nycgirl said:


> talking with me by puting his mouth on my face


Hard to talk with his mouth full.


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

nycgirl said:


> talking with me by puting his mouth on my face



Yelling in your face is probably what you mean. It sounds as though you've got yourself a jealous idiot, who likes to jump to conclusions and fly off the handle.

I'd demand marriage counselling. What he is doing is not ok. He needs do deal with his jealousy, and the insecurity that must underpin it. He has to deal with his anger issue. Screaming at someone at three o clock in the morning does nothing good. Jumping to conclusions before discussing his flimsy finding was foolish. Is his profile still on the site? Is there a control panel, or stats feature, that shows when the account was last accessed? Or an activity log? Those types of things could help prove your innocence for him. You are in the States, you have rights and protections. He can't control or hit you. He can't force you to do anything. He needs to know that in no uncertain terms.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have the two of you been married?

You says that he put his mouth on your face. Do you meant that his mouth was physically touching your face? Or was the just near your face and yelling? 

Does he have an account on that site? I assume he does because that's how you two met. why don't you suggest to him that the both of you sit together and go out your account/profile and his and you both delete everything on your account. Then you both check with customer service to see if there is a way to close and remove the accounts? That way its all out in the open for BOTH of you. If he wants you to do something, he must do it as well.

I'm concerned about the way you describe his treatment of you. Are you living in a country that has organizations for abused women? If you are, please find one and seek out counseling. You need someone who can help you figure out what's going on, how to handle it, that can help you if you need to leave, etc.

As others have said, what he did is completely uncalled for. It does not sound like he actually hurt you physically. But threatening violence is a form of violence in that it's meant to cause fear. The purpose of causing fear is to control you. And it does sound like his goal is to control you. Not a good thing.


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

What a bunch of nonsense.

Nobody physically attacked you and there was no violence. Your husband found you on a dating site and got angry. So what? Waking you up at 3AM and turning the light on is not unreasonable after finding you on a dating site. Yelling at you and threatening you may be over-the-top but not necessarily uncalled for. There are many reasons why someone would yell and threaten. Fear of being cheated on is one of them.

Unlike what one poster said, it doesn't take much to get your profile removed from a dating site. It's very easy. It's your responsibility to make sure you're not on dating sites while married. You obviously failed since he found you online. Get it sorted out.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its difficult to tell the level of threats / shouting. As far as I'm concerned the only legitimate threat in a relationship is the threat to leave.

Having a discussion in the middle of the night is never a good idea - and it isn't at all clear why he was on that site. He sounds extremely jealous and suspicious - does he have any reason to be?.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

nycgirl said:


> is not an violence? he woke me up at 3oclock in the morning. turned on light, threatened to me by telling that if i dont log into that dating site,he will ...(dont remember what exact word). I told him that i didnt reopen that account. He didnt believe. put his mouth on my face talking with me and threw my quilt on the ground after i said I will call the site in the day!


Ok I am playing Devil's advocate here.. Waking you up in the middle of the night.. not the best way to go about it.. but he was ..well.. in a BAD way.. and he needed answers now.. (not criminal behavior in my book)... He wanted YOU to log in.. or he would do it.. I wouldn't call this any sort of harmful threat... he's your husband and has a right to know if you were up to something -behind his back.. 

I'd be pretty darn humble if I was caught and this is what he suspected ! Even if you did delete it.. hopefully he will trust your words enough.. your attitude here could go a long way.. in calming him down ...hopefully...

You said "*putting his mouth on your face TALKING*".. this was not screaming.. I feel it makes a difference.. think about this.. can you understand his anger here.. 

As a wife.. I COULD... throwing the quilt off.. I wouldn't count this as anything ...just a display of "I need you to do this NOW -help me deal with this". 

So where are you & he today... does he NOW believe you -that you THOUGHT you deleted it, could have been a mix up, not sure what happened ??

IS there any other reason he has to doubt what you say, fabrications in the past , hiding ??

Sounds he has an argumentative personality, wants answers quickly....though I would not jump to call him dangerously violent here.. to the point of worrying about your safety...

I think it was a very BAD moment.. he was Stirred to ANGER imaging that his wife was being unfaithful...he let it get the best of him ...


----------

