# Divorce support group dilemma



## NewBoundariesMan (Aug 3, 2015)

Divorce became final last week.

One of the things she was an expert at was having me cut ties with my friends. I had a very nice mix of girls and guys I would hang out with before we got married. The girls i could understand her being upset with but later the guys started bothering her. Long story short, I now find my self alone with no one to talk to about what i'm going through. Letting her isolate me is one of my biggest regrets.

This is my 2nd divorce. My first was in 2010 I was devastated and found a divorce support group and a church which were life savers. I made a lot of really good friends guys and girls that helped me get through it. One of the girls became a very close friend of mine and in 2012 told me she wanted to be more than friends but I was already on my 2nd date with my future wife. Me and the girl haven't talked in about 3 years.

Now I am wishing I had someone to talk to and I keep thinking of this support group. The girl is now the group leader and I heard she got married early this year. I will be embarrassed to show up to the group again but I'm willing to swallow my pride because i think it will be good for me.

The dilemma is how will she receive me? Any thoughts? She doesn't know I got married but she's a smart girl - it will take her 2 min to figure out whats up.
The next closest group is to far for me.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Who cares what she thinks... She is now married and leading the divorce group? Maybe just until someone takes over for her. Just go and take it all in. Like you said it will be good for you to go and talk with people.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Sure, the first few minutes might feel uncomfortable but just go in with your head held high. Everyone in the group is divorced; no need for embarrassment.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I agree with the previous posters. Just go and do it. So what? You made a choice back then, she has since made choices of her own. It just wasn't in the cards for you.

I have read some of your posts. I was a lot like you. I worried about what others thought. I still do and I have to stop my self many times. Because the reality is you don't know what anyone else is thinking. She might be overjoyed that you rejected her back then. She may have found a truly compatible mate since then. She may be happy to see, you but sad to hear of what happened. She may be able to offer you so much in sight.


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## NewBoundariesMan (Aug 3, 2015)

Thanks guys very insightful comments. I'll work up the nerve to go to the next one on 7/19.

Honestly if she wasn't there this would be a no brainier.
The fact is the embarrassment comes from her being a witness to my 2 failures. She had actually told me to be careful that I was moving too fast.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

NewBoundariesMan said:


> Thanks guys very insightful comments. I'll work up the nerve to go to the next one on 7/19.
> 
> Honestly if she wasn't there this would be a no brainier.
> The fact is the embarrassment comes from her being a witness to my 2 failures. She had actually told me to be careful that I was moving too fast.


I've been gone for awhile. But she may be just the person you need to talk because she was witness to both of your divorces (they weren't failures - in fact you need to start looking at them as successes, because you successfully found someone you weren't compatible with). She may be able to provide you with insight into what you did or how you acted that you from being on the inside never even considered. Go and report back!


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Life is about learning from your mistakes. Sometimes it takes a few mistakes to learn. Don't be hard on yourself. You should be able to laugh about it. Half the adults have been divorced, the other half are miserable! I'm getting married a second time, hopefully this is it for me!

Just remember, you were never scared to be wrong about love a second time. You could say the same for a third time, but take it slower next time!


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## NewBoundariesMan (Aug 3, 2015)

@Ynot @GuyinColorodo thanks guys good stuff!


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## JRegan (Jul 25, 2017)

It is a great way to meet people in similar situations. Please don't be too embarrassed.


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