# Do you think he was up to no good?



## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

The other night I was setting up some apps in my husband's phone and I was in his messenger and there was a message between him and a woman who also happens to be on his Facebook. She lives across the other side of the world so its not as if they can meet up but I do know this woman was once intimately connected to him in his younger years and she is absolutely stunning. Anyway as the message was in Romanian I was curious as to what was said so I translated it and found that he had asked her for her phone number and she gave it to him in a return text. I immediately got upset and confronted him about why he was asking for her number. He said he just wanted to call and see how things were in Romania. I told him he could have chosen any of the other half a dozen friends from Romania who were male to do that with, why her? The hot sexy girl from his past?? I told him I think he was trying to verbally cheat on me with her and that his intentions were not innocent and he wanted to perhaps have sexy talk with her. He denied it but just seemed full of excuses. Based on this what do others think? Did I over react?


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Sexy talk from Romania...

Somehow, I just don't equate those two things going together...


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

What exactly do you mean?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Of course he's up to no good. It's time for him end all contact with her.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

There's a seven hour time difference. It's 3 am there. Do you really think they could ever hook up?


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

No of course not but I certainly do not want my husband sexting with her if that was his intention???? Or flirting


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

Do you class asking for her number as a form of cheating?


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

How is your husband fluent in Romanian?

How long ago and to what extent was their relationship?

Do you feel you crossed a privacy border by translating a message?

Why did you accuse him of cheating before you knew what he was doing?

How do you know he'd be sexting and not general conversation, catching up, etc...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He has no reason to need her phone number. He has no reason to be texting her at all. So I think that him texting her and asking for her phone number shows that he's up to no good.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

We are not talking now, I kicked him out to the spare room as I am very hurt and I am thinking this was the last straw in our marriage, I think its time to call it a day.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

He is a Romanian that is how he is fluent. He was born there and came to Australia later in life.

A long time ago and they were sleeping together.

Yes I crossed privacy and am glad I did now cause look what I found....

I consider asking for another girls number cheating.

Catching up, **** they could just keep general chit chat to email surely, why the need to call her?? I don't get that.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

In one of his messages - the last one he actually said to her she was sweet and I'm pretty sure the word beautiful was thrown in there somewhere. Come on, he was up to no good, deep down I know that but just wanted confirmation from strangers.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

You wanted to know, what?

That either you're filled with insecurity?

Or

There's other issues in your marriage?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lululu said:


> We are not talking now, I kicked him out to the spare room as I am very hurt and I am thinking this was the last straw in our marriage, I think its time to call it a day.


You say it's the last straw. What other things has he done that have you so upset?


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

So many it would take a day to explain seriously....


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

Revamped there is both of those going on unfortunately.....


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I just think that its strange he would ask her for her number. I equate that with a guy in a nightclub asking for a sexy girls phone number and to me when you are married with a child you have no business doing that anywhere or in anyway. He tells her she is sweet. No I am his wife, I should be the only woman hearing those god damn words, sorry but that is my opinion.


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## TheHappyGuy (Aug 27, 2012)

Revamped, what is wrong with you? Can anyone be more obviously a troll?

Lululu, your husband hooked up with her because he finds her sexy and wants to stay in contact with her or reconnect to satisfy his ego. If she was his GF or sex partner in the past and you are not okay with it, he should stop contacting her. 

Now, making a big scene out of this does not help your relationship. It should be enough for you to tell him how you feel about it. 

Based on your comment that your marriage is broken, he may be looking at options. It's up to you to decide if you want to work it out with him or not. I can't comment on it without knowing your relationship.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

What's REALLY going on...


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

So Happy Guy has he in fact technically cheated on me by asking for her number?


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I feel like I can't trust him anymore. I will always now be wanting to check his phone and emails and everything possible. I will always feel that is is doing something behind my back..


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

What's really going on would take days to explain.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

For gods sake he is 45, is this some ridiculous mid life crisis.


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## TheHappyGuy (Aug 27, 2012)

lululu said:


> So Happy Guy has he in fact technically cheated on me by asking for her number?


I don't think he cheated on you by asking for her number. It's normal to find women other than ones wife attractive. It's wise not to tell the wife. 

It could develop into an emotional affair, though, especially if things are not going great between you two and you are the nagging wife.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

She's in ROMANIA.

Like OlgaKorbetland...

And vampires.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I am not a nagging wife......


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

So what if she is in Romania, I don't want my husband communicating with women and telling them they are sweet and beautiful, **** that!!!! I'd rather be single.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

lululu said:


> What's really going on would take days to explain.


Well, we have nothing but time.

That's why we are all here during the daytime posting on a MARRIAGE forum (instead of working... Lol)

So tell us your whole story so we can make we sense of it... Not just tidbits that don't really add up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I bet if she lived around the corner he would be into her pants quicker than he could sneeze....


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I will have to do it tonight there is so much to talk about and I have to be somewhere shortly but I will get on later and punch out all the ****ty things he has done to me over the last 4 years - bloody ****er that he is!!!


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

But she doesn't.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

No she doesn't but now I have to wonder has he done the dirty on me with someone close to home?? The mind boggles now


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I just want to smash his stupid face I'm so filled with rage and anger. I want to punish him, I want him to feel hurt for a change.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

And that serves what purpose?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

lululu said:


> No of course not but I certainly do not want my husband sexting with her if that was his intention???? Or flirting


And this is the problem. He really has no business asking a woman, any woman, for their number. Period. 

I think it stands to reason at least flirting and maybe more. Again, out of bounds as it takes away from you his natural affections.

My final thinking is that he has an infatuation with this gal and as a result lost interest in you. _That_ issue needs to be resolved.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

lululu said:


> No she doesn't but now I have to wonder has he done the dirty on me with someone close to home?? The mind boggles now


Look, don't get too carried away.

You could have a month or so apart and let him think if he wants to continue your relationship.

You could tell him that you are going to start having guy friends like he wants girls as flirting friends.

But whatever you do, think first.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheHappyGuy said:


> I don't think he cheated on you by asking for her number. It's normal to find women other than ones wife attractive. It's wise not to tell the wife.
> 
> It could develop into an emotional affair, though, especially if things are not going great between you two and you are the nagging wife.


Do you go around asking for the phone numbers of women? I guess you just don't tell your wife?

This is ridiculous...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lululu said:


> I just want to smash his stupid face I'm so filled with rage and anger. I want to punish him, I want him to feel hurt for a change.


Don't go violent. That won't help you at all.

You came here and told us one thing that he did... asked for her phone number and told her she was sweet.

If that was all that was going on, the answer is simple. 

But you say that there is a lot more going on. Until we know what all that other stuff is, we really cannot help you much.

If you don't want to tell us the details, give a general description.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

The purpose it would serve would be to make him see what an idiot he is and to see what he has lost........lost to have some intimate verbal moments with a floozy fake girl. You know the type - long blonde hair - extensions and blonde colouring and big boobs...... sorry if any of you on here fit that description but it seems to be a typical male attractor...and I'm bloody angry so don't mean to offend anyone


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I don't need to flirt with other men. I love my husband and would never do those things to him. I am just going to put my children first and myself for a change. I don't need this **** in my life, I am 41 and I have got my hands full with working fulltime and studying of an evening for my Diploma. I'm pretty much done with him.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

Elegirl what do you mean?

If that was all that was going on, the answer is simple.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lululu said:


> Elegirl what do you mean?
> 
> If that was all that was going on, the answer is simple.


If the only problem you had in your marriage was that your husband texted an ex who lived very far away for her phone number, the solution is simple. You tell him that you will not stay married to a man who is picking up on women in real life, on the phone, or any other way. So either he deletes all contact info for her or he packs his bags and leaves.

However you say that a lot more is going on. So with a lot more, maybe the solution is just to kick him out.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

Nothing is ever guaranteed though is it. I could tell him to delete and sever contact with her and he may agree to my face and still go behind my back. I will never be able to get that trust back and without trust you haven't got a chance in hell of a good relationship.....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lululu said:


> Nothing is ever guaranteed though is it. I could tell him to delete and sever contact with her and he may agree to my face and still go behind my back. I will never be able to get that trust back and without trust you haven't got a chance in hell of a good relationship.....


He would have to agree that you can check his phone, etc any time you want. It takes a long time for a person to prove that they are now trustworthy.


So if you are done with him, when is he moving out?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

I'll let you guys fight this out. I'm just going to say that, as a man, I am throwing is a STRONG vote for "yes, he was up to no good".

And another vote for anyone who says otherwise is a troll or a liar.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I asked him again the purpose of why he wanted her number and he said he didn't cheat. wasn't going to cheat, he just wanted to talk to her, it's the Romanian way. I still think he is lying though.


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## hubbydude (May 15, 2014)

lululu said:


> I asked him again the purpose of why he wanted her number and he said he didn't cheat. wasn't going to cheat, he just wanted to talk to her, it's the Romanian way. I still think he is lying though.


He didn't cheat, evidenced by the fact that she's thousands of miles away. And unless you find evidence of an airline ticket then I'd suggest he's also telling the truth that he wasn't going to cheat either.

I think it would be helpful for you to de-escalate the tone of some of the language you are using. It will help bring you to a point where you can asses your situation more objectively and assert far more control.

By accusing him of cheating you're making it very easy for him to defend himself, which is turn making you all the more frustrated. He clearly didn't cheat but he did act inappropriately and you are hurt by this. I'd suggest focussing on what he did, why he did it and how it made you feel, instead of accusing him of things he clearly hasn't done.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Does it actually matter if he is lying? Because you won't elaborate on the other situations where he has hurt you/made you upset or angry we can only go off the things you ARE telling us.

And you said that this is it for your marriage, you are done you said.


So leave.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

hubbydude said:


> *He didn't cheat, evidenced by the fact that she's thousands of miles away.* And unless you find evidence of an airline ticket then I'd suggest he's also telling the truth that he wasn't going to cheat either.


There are people who get very involved with phone and cyber affair. Sure they might not meet in person very often, or they might never meet in person. But this sort of relationship can be as destructive to a marriage as an in person affair.

Would you be ok with your spouse flirting with and complementing someone of the opposite sex and hiding it from you?



hubbydude said:


> I think it would be helpful for you to de-escalate the tone of some of the language you are using. It will help bring you to a point where you can asses your situation more objectively and assert far more control.
> 
> By accusing him of cheating you're making it very easy for him to defend himself, which is turn making you all the more frustrated. He clearly didn't cheat but he did act inappropriately and you are hurt by this. I'd suggest focussing on what he did, why he did it and how it made you feel, instead of accusing him of things he clearly hasn't done.


:iagree:


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

Well guess what he has now done - deleted his Facebook completely, so what does that tell you?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

lululu said:


> Well guess what he has now done - deleted his Facebook completely, so what does that tell you?


That he's a big baby?

:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lululu said:


> Well guess what he has now done - deleted his Facebook completely, so what does that tell you?


That he does not want to fight with you?


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

lululu said:


> Well guess what he has now done - deleted his Facebook completely, so what does that tell you?


That he has her phone number now and much easier to hide the conversations from you?


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

Yes he may very well have her number. Bottom line I will never know I guess


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

You know, we aren't blessed with mind melding capabilities...

So why don't you just come out with what is going on, and we won't have to guess...


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Hi, deleting FB entirely, means he doesn't want to fight with you. If he had just deleted his message history..... Different story.

Good on you for working full time and studying! Maybe while you're busy moving forward in life he is feeling neglected and that's why he is acting inapropiatley with other women. Without more info....... Who knows.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

lululu said:


> Well guess what he has now done - deleted his Facebook completely, so what does that tell you?



That he has created a new profile under a slightly different name?

Look, it's so easy to have covert communication with people. And coming from a country not far from where he's from I can tell you I would not think twice of calling old friends, boobs or not. 

I have few ties to my birth country and use Facebook and email to keep in touch with friends from back then... Some men, some women. It would not be difficult to perceive talking to friends as "inappropriate" by a jealous spouse.

If other things are going on in your marriage it's a different case...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Gonecrazy said:


> Hi, deleting FB entirely, means he doesn't want to fight with you. If he had just deleted his message history..... Different story.
> 
> Good on you for working full time and studying! Maybe while you're busy moving forward in life he is feeling neglected and that's why he is acting inapropiatley with other women. Without more info....... Who knows.


If this were the case, it's his responsibility to not cheat and to talk to her about his concerns.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Judging by how lowly you think and write about your husband (while claiming you love him), I honestly don't think he's got much of a marriage.

The fact that you entitle yourself to "kicking him out to the spare room" means the guy is living a 'detached' life where he has probably given up on the idea of being valued and respected by his wife.

One thing is clear: you're not all that nice either. Your attitude, violent thoughts, wishes and harsh tone are evidence.

And no he didn't cheat on you (yet). He might, given the state of your marriage.


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## independentgirl (Nov 14, 2014)

Ms. Op, lululu
May I ask a question. Does (your husband) he talks to her on the phone in front of you? Like when she calls, does he pick up the phone and talks right in front of your face?
Does he leaves his phone outside in the open when you guys together? Or does he hide his phone?

It is okay for a guy to have a friend who is a girl, it can be a friend from his childhood, or simple a co-worker that they only talk work related.
If he talks to her in front of your face, then he have nothing to hide, and you have nothing to worried about.

My boyfriend, out of his own willing; when ever we together, he leaves the phone out in the open. Maybe that is just the way he is, or maybe he doesn't want me to feel insecure. But one thing for sure, he have nothing to 'hide'.

So his phone ring, he pick it up and talks right in front of my face, so I can know the whole conversation. Therefore, I really have no reasons to suspect him, or throw tantrum at him.
If your husband is like this, then you should trust him Ms. Op
As long as it not flirting or sexting, he have the rights to talks to the opposite sex on the phone.


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## TheHappyGuy (Aug 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Do you go around asking for the phone numbers of women? I guess you just don't tell your wife?
> 
> This is ridiculous...


Oops, this reads completely different from what I meant to say. I didn't mean to defend his actions in any way. BUT, I would not call his action cheating, which was the question that was asked.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Maybe he didnt cheat but was on his way to having an affair? I would be so upset if my husband asked a girl from his past for her number.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Given that the Romanian friend was an ex-love, it is not appropriate for a married man to remain in contact. You need to communicate this to him in a calm manner. You need to be in control of the situation. 

When you found out the endearing contents of his communications, these are definitely issues to be concerned with. Indeed, he is up to no good; Romanian or not. Squelched these communications. Demand openness in all his accounts.

However, you must deal with your "broken marriage" at the present time. You might address your problems with a marriage counselor (both of you in the sessions).


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