# Can't reach orgasm.



## loveoverlust (Sep 2, 2014)

My girlfriend and I began our first sexual experiences together and we have been having some problems. We both agreed that we want to wait until marriage for the whole package but we have tried oral sex and fingering. I am able to get her off but for some reason I just can't seem to reach the top. It feels absolutely amazing and I make sure to let her know that but I just can't seem to. I even tried by myself while laying next to her but nothing. I am extremely turned on by her and I know I want to be with her for the rest of my life but I am just really concerned about this. She is not worried about it and tells me she is 100% okay with it. I tend to be a pretty anxious and nervous guy so could it just be nerves or thinking about it too much? Any help would be greatly appreciated.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

No masturbation for a while. You will be ok


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## loveoverlust (Sep 2, 2014)

That had crossed my mind as the reason for why its happening, but I actually hadn't masturbated for two weeks before this happened.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Continue to abstain and know that you will O. You will.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> Continue to abstain and know that you will O. You will.


The more you stress, the less likely it will happen. Relax. She said she didn't care. Trust her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Use coconut oil.

Ask her to slow down. This isn't a goal, but a process. Just play, feel around, switch up the grip, use on finger going up and down, use two, grip the base and twirl it against the palm of her hand. Have her play with your balls. If you both approach this as fun and relaxing way to explore your package, getting to know it, then the focus changes and it will be easier to let your body respond the way it wants to.

And use coconut oil!


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Must be more to the story. Why do you stop? What are you afraid of? Who set the rules? How soon until you're married? You could just wait until then, so intercourse is an option. Birth control?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

also is there any fear of her getting pregnant?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

How old are you two, and what are your respective prior sex experiences if any? In other words, have you been able to reach climax this way with other women, or is it just recently?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Porn also might factor in.

No porn, either.

In time if either are a factor the issue will diminish.

And if they aren't your response will still be stronger and you will bond to her more.

If it is nerves, try to relax. Everyone starts somewhere and most people get through it. You will too. Have fun most of all.

If it is more than this, report back after a month. No less than that though. Give your body the chance to do what it knows how to do. Trust it.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

So you take any meds. Anti depressants will do that to you. Hopefully once it involves a PIV the issue will resolve itself. 

Do you have that same issues when it is just you by your self? Stress can affect you in so many ways. There may be less stress when it is you taking care of your own needs.


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## loveoverlust (Sep 2, 2014)

I do take some anxiety medication so that could be it. But I did use to watch porn when I was younger so I am hoping that I didn't train my mind that I need porn in order to get off. The only other thing I could think of is the stress. The thought of why can't I deliver for her? I'm really starting to not worry about it because we discussed that it isn't a big deal and it could be a blessing and make me last longer when we decide to go all the way.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

loveoverlust said:


> I do take some anxiety medication so that could be it. But I did use to watch porn when I was younger so I am hoping that I didn't train my mind that I need porn in order to get off. The only other thing I could think of is the stress. The thought of why can't I deliver for her? I'm really starting to not worry about it because we discussed that it isn't a big deal and it could be a blessing and *make me last longer* when we decide to go all the way.


That's the ticket sweetheart! Well that AND making sure you can find and stimulate her clit in the way she likes it stimulated.


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

you and I are similar, I suspect. imo youre too in your head. one thing jumped out..

you are worried that YOU not finishing might upset HER. why? and she said "hey, thats ok!"

I think that you're combining her needs AND yours and making both about pleasing her. no good. that's too much pressure

its extremely hard for me to get out of my own head also and it absolutely blocks me from finishing during intercourse 90% of the time.

some pointers.... NO porn ever again. it will create mind movies that can lead to performance anxiety or become a crutch

NO overthinking... very difficult I know, but try to find some zen and relax (Frankie was right on this, rest his soul... nevermind, im old, ignore 80s cultural reference)

last thing, if you have body image issues do the best you can to feel good about yourself. these can cause performance anxiety insidiously also.

I know it sounds counterintuitive but you are TOO fixated on pleasing her. your failure to orgasm is bad for you, not her. its ok to be a little selfish. have you asked her to masturbate you after? or oral?

do you just live with NO orgasm ever, or do you take care of yourself alone? this question is key.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

loveoverlust said:


> I do take some anxiety medication so that could be it.


well there you are. Get some new meds, or get off of them


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> well there you are. Get some new meds, or get off of them


antidepressants can cause ED, but he doesnt seem to have that. getting off meds (presuming he clinically needs them) would bring back the clinical anxiety. adding clinical anxiety to his current issue seems like it would be a lot worse.

I mean unless what he is taking has a known side effect of "prevents orgasm in men during sex" or something (which is certainly possible)


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## loveoverlust (Sep 2, 2014)

I totally agree on completely getting rid of porn. That should help. And it is so hard to just focus on myself but I will try my hardest. As for the medication I don't really think that it is the cause. I'm sure everything will work out, I was just feeling a little discouraged. I talked about it with her and we as a couple are not worried about it. Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

My friends sexual preformance was affected by his meds all the time, and made his depression worse because he felt like less of a man because he couldn't make "it" happen. So that alone is counterproductive. His meds were supposed to help with depression not make it worse. But he added a med to the ones he was already taking and it helped sooooooo much. (he added wellbutrin) 

I have the same issue from the same stand point, but it is me with the O issue affected by meds. Don't know if this will work for you or not like it has for me. If I know that we are going to be having sex say on Sunday, then I take my meds early saturday morning, and don't take them on Sunday till after we have sex late that night. I know I can go 36 hours before starting to feel weird from lack of meds. (I tried wellbutrin, it caused more side affects that were undesirable though) But any how that is what I do other wise it ain't gonna happen, no way in hell it will happen .With the delay in meds at least O's are obtainable. Might want to play around with your meds just a little.


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