# Going through the motions



## Same Boat (Jan 19, 2011)

I don't know where to start, so here goes.
We've been together for 18 years, married for 15 and have two teenage daughters living at home. After my second daughter was born, my wife devoted most of her time and energy to being a great mother. Our relationship suffered, but I hung in there and tried to keep it alive. Little to no sex unless I initiated it. No personal time for just us. We lived on a boat during this time, so it was close quarters and very little privacy.
We now live in a house. 
7 years ago I stopped feeling any affection towards her at all. It seems we are just parents living in the same house. Well now I am at the point of saying enough is enough. It's time to move on. 
We don't fight. We don't speak much to each other. (I am quiet by nature)
Here's the catch for me. When I have suggested counseling in the past, she gets defensive and depressed when I bring up our relationship. I know I need to go to therapy for myself, but I feel this will be the start to the end.
It's my first post and I know I've rambled a bit.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think your assuming it will be the end if you go.
If you want to work on the M let the IC know that from the start. If you dont want to work on the M...same thing.

Let the IC know ahead of time what you are tring to achieve so he/she can head in that direction with you.

They are there to help you with your issues.. not tell you what you need to do. They can help you along in which ever path to take, for that matter they can help you choose one. Bottom line is it always is your choose.

Remember this, they are there to support you and help you heal, not to dictate to you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Naturally, she gets depressed and defensive. Sounds like she isn't really contributing much to the relationship and she knows it. Suggestions of counseling signal to her that her comfortable free ride might be coming to a halt or that the shameful way she treats her husband will be revealed. Denying sex is a form of manipulation. Pitching a hissy-fit or feigning depression at the suggestion of counseling is just another form of manipulation. She's sitting in the seat of power and you're threatening it.


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## Same Boat (Jan 19, 2011)

Actually now there is no denying of sex as I'm not attracted anymore and don't care. Maybe she wants it, but she's not talking.
She has never been comfortable with herself, physically and I introduced some toys to try and spice things up. Worked for a while and then lost interest.

Basically I think she needs therapy to try and understand herself and get over a bunch of childhood issues. (mental abuse) 

This is a great forum.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

This forum is AWESOME!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

I would suggest talking to her about the idea of rediscovering each other now the the kids are not of an age where parenting takes full time hours. You might find out, after stopping to reintroduce yourselves, things can be interesting again (no guarantees but it has to be better than what it is) Going to therapy is a great idea, would be better if she was willing and maybe she will be over time? Fo you I hope so.


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