# Threesomes



## Butiki (Jun 7, 2021)

My husband of over 5 years wants to have a threesome. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. I became uncomfortable and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.

Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.

Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

Butiki said:


> My husband of over 5 years wants to have either a threesome or sex with another man. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. I became uncomfortable and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.
> 
> Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.
> 
> Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


Your husband wants to have sex with another man?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Stick to your principles and don't do it. If you loose him over it what does that say about him?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You're perfectly justified backing out if you're uncomfortable, or even to say you're not willing to try again. This isn't a decision to make lightly, and not every potential third is going to be acceptable to you both. He's angry because he's very disappointed that he didn't get to realize his fantasy. He will probably get over it. And it's very important that you discussed this as a couple, and he did not simply cheat on you, so that's a positive.

We've had plenty of threesomes (MFM, FMF) and have often played alone with others as well. Neither of us is bisexual, so that's not a dynamic I can speak to. For us, it's been fun and enhanced our relationship in a variety of ways, and it's also been positive for most of the people/couples we know who've done this. So we haven't had any negatives. Other people may have a negative experience, encounter jealousy, discord, regrets, recriminations, or even breakups. The negative are less likely if you thoroughly discuss all the issues and scenarios in advance - including backing out if it doesn't feel right.

Only you can decide how to proceed, if at all, and only you can evaluate the risks to your relationship either way.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Apparently this is Bisexual Husbands Month. If you’re not comfortable with his proposal then you’re not comfortable.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Openminded said:


> Apparently this is Bisexual Husbands Month. If you’re not comfortable with his proposal then you’re not comfortable.


Or gay husband's month.


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## Butiki (Jun 7, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> Your husband wants to have sex with another man?


yeah


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

First, the only experience we have with threesomes is when my wife and I talk about it during foreplay, a turn-on spark if you will. Never did it for real. I'd think that you BOTH have to be onboard for this to happen. Definitely talk this out beforehand. And be sure you both have a code word that will end things immediately if either is not comfortable. Who would you choose? Close friend, stranger? Casual friend? This seems like it would be a lot of work. And that fact that your husband wants to have sex with a man in front of you? How do you feel about that? Talk talk talk and more talk is needed. Good luck.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Butiki said:


> yeah


If he is angry with you for saying no, that is completely disrespectful and unloving.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Butiki said:


> yeah


how do you feel about that? It's a big, big step.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

If a dude wants to bring another dude into a threesome there are only 2 possible reasons.

1) He is gay. End the marriage.
2) He has a ****/hotwife fantasy where he gets off on seeing other men have sex with you. That is asking a lot of you and you'd have to be super into it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Butiki said:


> yeah


Could he be gay?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Could he be gay?


Either gay or bi-curious? And he's floating this threesome idea as way to check it out?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK - he is gay! Drop him like a hot potato! He is disrespectful and dragging you into something you do not want to do. Also you may just end up becoming his beard.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)




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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

1. You were wise to say no, on a number of levels. The fact that he’s angry shows that he has no respect for you, and that gay sex with another man is really important to him. Bad and bad. 
2. You need to decide if you’re OK with a gay husband who ****s and gets ****ed by other men. If this is not your vision of marriage and life, you need to divorce him now. This will not get better and this issue isn’t going away.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

This is one of those fantasies that I think should be brought up premarriage or not at all. We pretty much commit to each other and to a monogamous relationship when we marry, at least in my view. I would be afraid of STDs and what it would do to the marriage emotionally and psychologically. I suspect if you were to follow through, it would be something he expected on a regular basis. Unless you want that lifestyle, don't do it


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Everyone seems to be


Butiki said:


> yeah


So his desire to have a threesome was not so much to share you with another man, but for you to share him with another man. Is that what was going on? It does make a difference. If he wants to share you with another guy that is a not too uncommon fantasy of straight men. If he wants to involve another man for his satisfaction then he is apparently bi-sexual or gay. Has he ever mentioned anything in the past about being attracted to men? 

In the end he must honor your desires. If you both entered into marriage in agreement that it would be monogamous, then it must stay that way unless both spouses are fully on board with the non-monogamy. If he is really interested in him having sex with a man I feel the risk of losing him is much higher than if he was just wanting to fulfill a fantasy about sharing you.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The issue here isn’t really whether to have a threesome or not.

The issue is her husband isn’t even heterosexual and what course of action they need to take to deal with his ****/bisexuality. 

This will probably require professional assessment and guidance to navigate.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

saw your answer about it being another guy.
He’s gay, divorce before you get HIV and find a straight man that respects you.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Yeah he's gay. The fact he got angry with you tells you where his true desires lie.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> The issue here isn’t really whether to have a threesome or not.
> 
> The issue is her husband isn’t even heterosexual and what course of action they need to take to deal with his ****/bisexuality.
> 
> This will probably require professional assessment and guidance to navigate.


i would think it is pretty important to determine if he is gay, or bisexual. big difference on if the marriage can continue on.

does he get aroused by seeing you naked? Can he remain erect while having sex without taking pills, etc? 

If he is bisexual, then some threesomes may be an answer, especially if the other guy is bisexual too so you can join in on all the sex. 

It seems like the marriage has hit a hard decision point anyway...and the OP needs to figure out how to proceed. i would say try the threesome, and see if it turns you on. if not....then say "i tried it, and it sucks", and never do it again, and let the marriage either continue on or fail as a monogamous one. 

It seems like if you just say "no!", he will go hook up with other guys anyway, and you have not preserved the marriage at all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> i would think it is pretty important to determine if he is gay, or bisexual. big difference on if the marriage can continue on.
> 
> does he get aroused by seeing you naked? Can he remain erect while having sex without taking pills, etc?
> 
> ...


By that logic, everyone should have whatever kind of 3some their partner wants to do.

If your wife wanted to do a 3some with another straight man would you do it because otherwise she’ll just screw other men anyway??

If you brought up having a 3some with another woman, would you tell your wife that you will just screw other women anyway so she would need to do it to preserve the marriage? 

I’m all for 3somes if all parties are enthusiastically down for it. 

But every spouse has the right to want to maintain sexual exclusivity regardless of sexual orientation. 

Just because someone, male or female, is bisexual does not mean that their spouse has to participate in 3somes or that they have to accept a nonmonogamous marriage if they don’t want that.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Butiki said:


> My husband of over 5 years wants to have a threesome. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. *I became uncomfortable* and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.
> 
> Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.
> 
> Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


Your husband should never berate you for this. Only abusers or immature fools do so. For a threesome to work, all parties have to be comfortable with each other. As @oldshirt said, enthusiastic consent or no go for everyone.

Now as to whether or not you should let him go out or do one with him, that depends on how you feel. The first thing to determine is did you feel uncomfortable with the general idea, where any third party, male or female, would make you uncomfortable, or did that third party specifically make you uncomfortable? Would you be as uncomfortable if the third was a woman (for the sake of the question for now, assume no sex between you and her)? Did your husband want to have sex _with _another guy (regardless of whether you are there are not), or with _you _alongside another guy (the other guy also having sex with only you)? Or is it the third option that your husband wanted a third who would have sex with both of you? The difference between the three can be important. If he is just wanting sex with other men, and only offered the threesome to try to not exclude you, are you willing to let him without you?

I've said it before and I'll say it again: ENM can never fix a marriage. A bad sex life, maybe, but a marriage, never. SO if you do not feel that your marriage is on solid ground, then don't even entertain the idea until it is. And it is not worth compromising your feelings. It's one thing to feel unsure, try it and then decide it's not right for you. But if it feels wrong, then it is not for you.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> By that logic, everyone should have whatever kind of 3some their partner wants to do.
> 
> If your wife wanted to do a 3some with another straight man would you do it because otherwise she’ll just screw other men anyway??
> 
> ...


if the marriage is for sure over....might as well try it. otherwise it is a guaranteed divorce, and she might find she can live with it as it is.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I always thought it would be exciting to watch the wife with another woman even if I wasn't involved. Pervered old man? Sure why not but it sure would be more exciting than what we do now! I am watching PBS and the wife is watching conspriacy theory videos on her laptop.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I always thought it would be exciting to watch the wife with another woman even if I wasn't involved. Pervered old man? Sure why not but it sure would be more exciting than what we do now! I am watching PBS and the wife is watching conspriacy theory videos on her laptop.


So turn off the tv and go **** her right now.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> So turn off the tv and go **** her right now.


I wish it worked like that but not in our house. We've already had our sex for this week.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I wish it worked like that but not in our house. We've already had our sex for this week.


Man, really?

Years ago I expressly and firmly told wife there is no tv watching that I or we'll ever say to the other wait, I'm watching this or no, I'm watching tv.

There is no tv watching as a hold up when either of us want to have sex. Ever. F'n ever.

We have sex minimum 4 times a week. And after we had the tv conversation 20 yrs ago she appreciates the clear understanding.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

I think if a couple were to add another partner to the mix it's something that would have be well thought out and the expectations discussed first. I've never been in a threesome but a friend did with a girlfriend. He was mad the girlfriend did things to the other man that she wouldn't do with him. She wasn't his girlfriend much longer.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Willnotbill said:


> I think if a couple were to add another partner to the mix it's something that would have be well thought out and the expectations discussed first. I've never been in a threesome but a friend did with a girlfriend. He was mad the girlfriend did things to the other man that she wouldn't do with him. She wasn't his girlfriend much longer.


Yeah, seeing my wife do things with a guy she wouldn't do with me? that would be difficult to deal with. Good idea that they talk this through before. A LOT OF TALK.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yeah, seeing my wife do things with a guy she wouldn't do with me? that would be difficult to deal with. Good idea that they talk this through before. A LOT OF TALK.


I can tell you for certain my wife would have nothing to do with a threesome, MFM or MFF. And I know I could absolutely not stomach seeing my wife having sex with another man. Maybe not even a woman.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I wish it worked like that but not in our house. We've already had our sex for this week.


Ouch


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> It seems like the marriage has hit a hard decision point anyway...and the OP needs to figure out how to proceed. i would say try the threesome, and see if it turns you on. if not....then say "i tried it, and it sucks", and never do it again, and let the marriage either continue on or fail as a monogamous one.


she looked into it and she found it was not what she could do why would she try it if it is against her nature 


Talker67 said:


> if the marriage is for sure over....might as well try it. otherwise it is a guaranteed divorce, and she might find she can live with it as it is.


your joking , if the marriage is over end it don't try fix it with adding a second man into the mix , 
some people seem to be ok with doing 3somes and moresomes but they don't fix a broken relationship , 
I have no idea what I would do in a threesome not my thing and if my wife asked me to join her with another woman or man I would not but I have an open mind and if your into that and your relationship is able to deal with it that is ok with me just don't push anyone into it on the grounds that you have nothing to loose or that you can try it and if it does not ring your bell you can go back to normal , well you can not unring a bell and you can not take the image of your wife or husband having sex with another out of your mind , it would be enough to end a marriage that was not strong very bad advice


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## Phoenix 1962 (Sep 27, 2017)

Butiki said:


> My husband of over 5 years wants to have a threesome. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. I became uncomfortable and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.
> 
> Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.
> 
> Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


If you're comfortable with it do it. If not don't.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Butiki said:


> Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


I sometimes have threesomes with me, myself and I. The wife used to get jealous but eventually she became OK with it she knows that my threesomes with me, myself and I will never be as good as with me and her.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

badsanta said:


> I sometimes have threesomes with me, myself and I. The wife used to get jealous but eventually she became OK with it she knows that my threesomes with me, myself and I will never be as good as with me and her.


Been there. That Myself guy is so naughty.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Couldn't go there, if i ever saw someone with my wife they will be leaving on a gurney, if i decide to call ems.


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## swimmom34 (Aug 11, 2021)

Married but Happy said:


> You're perfectly justified backing out if you're uncomfortable, or even to say you're not willing to try again. This isn't a decision to make lightly, and not every potential third is going to be acceptable to you both. He's angry because he's very disappointed that he didn't get to realize his fantasy. He will probably get over it. And it's very important that you discussed this as a couple, and he did not simply cheat on you, so that's a positive.
> 
> We've had plenty of threesomes (MFM, FMF) and have often played alone with others as well. Neither of us is bisexual, so that's not a dynamic I can speak to. For us, it's been fun and enhanced our relationship in a variety of ways, and it's also been positive for most of the people/couples we know who've done this. So we haven't had any negatives. Other people may have a negative experience, encounter jealousy, discord, regrets, recriminations, or even breakups. The negative are less likely if you thoroughly discuss all the issues and scenarios in advance - including backing out if it doesn't feel right.
> 
> Only you can decide how to proceed, if at all, and only you can evaluate the risks to your relationship either way.


Almost exactly what I was going to say. Other than the fact you looked up prospects with him shows you do have some interest. And from 35 years experience, Your husband is not going to stop asking to fulfill this fantasy. The best thing and most importantly is you will have to keep his testosterone driven emotions in check. ( Having sex, and keeping his fantasy in mind. Using a toy can help. Name the toy after someone or a movie star you like and letting your husband play with this toy and talking about whoever you decide to name the toy after will excite him.) IN the end he should respect your boundaries and He should be satisfied with those boundries.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Butiki said:


> My husband of over 5 years wants to have a threesome. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. I became uncomfortable and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.
> 
> Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.
> 
> Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


He is trying to gently tell you he is gay.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Jus


Butiki said:


> yeah


just file now before you get a deadly std. this stuff doesn’t just go away.
Any man that wants this kind of nonsense has urges that you will never satisfy.
Dump the chump.


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## swimmom34 (Aug 11, 2021)

Im assuring you, He is most likely not Gay. Your sex life has probably slowed down in the past 5 years and he is trying to excite you. or something to that nature.He may be looking for that sparkle in your eye that was fresh when you first started being intimate. He may think this is what he wants and it may or may not be what you want. For some couples alternative lifestyles are a lifesavor for their marriage. For some its a disaster. IF you are not interested then draw the line now. Dont even entertain the idea. If it does excite you or interest you, then take it slow. Get a new toy and the two of you name it after a guy you may be interested in or a fantasy guy name . Duiring sex ask feed your husbands interest, ask him isnt fantasy guy name in the other room? why dont you go ask him if he wants to come in here---etc. you get the point. and take things slow. make sure you both talk about the next step if you take the next step. ask him what he wants out of it, and if you decide you do want to explore let him know what you want out of it. Last thing I will say is be very caustious because when you have intimacy with another man your feelings will grow. and the other guy has feelings also. Have fun whatever you decide.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Butiki said:


> My husband of over 5 years wants to have a threesome. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. I became uncomfortable and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.
> 
> Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.
> 
> Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


If my husband came and told me he wanted a threesome, I would interpret that to mean he is telling me he wants a divorce and wants one very quickly. That information is so fundamental that he should have mentioned it before we decided to get married so I would not have married him on a totally false premise that this is a twosome and for life.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I dont know if she was saying he wants to have sex with the guy himself or she means wants some guy to join them for sex....as in he wants to see his wife being railed by some other dude.


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## Lynnsnake (Dec 4, 2021)

Butiki said:


> My husband of over 5 years wants to have a threesome. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. I became uncomfortable and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.
> 
> Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.
> 
> ...


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

So if your not comfortable DONT EVEN GO THERE please don't put yourself through this .. He's disappointed fine he'll get over it. I did it for my husband and thought he would see that I would do anything to make him happy and that he would be so turned on that he use all of that crazy passion with me .. Actually that was what I was promised but nope nothing and things never changed they've just gotten worse.. I actually think about having her over again just to get a little sexual attention from him .. But I have to be stronger than that and I do know u deserve better ..so do you hang in there you made the right choice.. Would you be able to look yourself in the mirror after allowing him to have sex with his maybe future partner


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Openminded said:


> Apparently this is Bisexual Husbands Month. If you’re not comfortable with his proposal then you’re not comfortable.


ok, having an MFM threesome would probably be very shocking to many of the women here at TAM.

but there might be a logical reason. How is the sex frequency? Are you two experimenting and discovering new fun sex acts that you both like?

or is the frequency of sex very low, and have not done something new since your early 20's?

Maybe he is thinking that his penis is inadequate in length so you are not interested in sex anymore, and HOPES that a new male will turn you on for sex again, and some of that new thrill will leak on over to him? in other words, it might be a "desperate call for help" to try to save the marriage. 

Seems odd, since there are better ways to spice up your sex life than inviting a new man over.....but who knows what he is thinking....probably not thinking straight.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Butiki said:


> My husband of over 5 years wants to have a threesome. I went on a hookup app with him to explore what was out there, and he found someone to have a 3 some with. I became uncomfortable and backed out and now he is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and hurt.
> 
> Should I just let him have sex with someone else and hope it doesn't change things? Should I try a threesome with him? I love him and don't want to lose him. I'm not sure if it's worth eating my feelings. I don't know what to do.
> 
> Does anyone else have experience with threesomes? If so, how did it affect your relationship?


You should not do any of the above. You should make up your mind that you're either married or you're not and if he wants to be single, set him free with a divorce. Do not humiliate yourself by having a threesome or allowing him to screw around. Threesomes are nothing but awkward and just cause problems. All this is about is him wanting two women to service him sexually.

What's to love about someone who would foist this on you? Get a backbone.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

As the OP was last seen six months ago and only made two posts, Zombie Cat has decided to put this thread to bed.


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