# Still Lying



## Vivayeshis (Apr 28, 2018)

Together 21 years married 12, ( my 2nd marriage his 1st no children together) Husband has had emotional affairs 4 times over these years, the last that I know of was over 3 years with the same women which turned into sexting, that was 5 years ago. I had had enough so left but was talked into going back. Needless to say I have no trust whatsoever in him. Not long ago we shifted countries to realise a common dream of owning a small farm. I left my children & grandchildren behind mistakenly thinking this was going to be a fresh start. Not long after the shift I found he was still communicating with one of the women at his old work, nothing too bad a little flirty & I thought here we go again! I confronted him & his reaction was to delete his FB account & Snapchat app from his phone. Now in the last week he had made appointments with a local women who is a Naturopath, he has deleted all his texts to her and lied about where he was going when he went to the appointment. I am a super sleuth after years of having to be one step ahead I’m an expert! Why would he lie about somthing so innocent? Very certain there is nothing happening maybe wishful thinking on his part. What is hard is that we get on quite well, have not been intimate for 5 years (yes you read right). I just don’t want to live like this anymore, I am sick & tired of being lied to. Have not confronted him about this latest lie as every time it’s the same response “I didn’t do anything, please love - I love you” I remember reading about people who have cheated more than once “they can be bleeding from the eyeballs saying they will never do it again - but they will” I am scared to leave, courage is lacking, we have built a life together - yes on a lot of lies but still hard to say goodbye to. I don’t know what I’m asking here. Over the years I have become cynical about love, I have changed & I don’t like it. Yes I have let this happen & only I can change it. Just that I’m terrified about starting over.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It is obvious you are codependent.

But why be codependent with him?

Why not another? 

What is so special about his bag of goodies, his sack of lies?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

First of all, he is wrong to lead you on. You should discard him.
Divorce him.
.................................................................

Why is he doing this, these EA's?

He is lacking something inside.
He is seeking romance. A sweet spot in his life.

He is not getting this from you. 

He is not deserving of 'this' from you.

..................................................................

In any future relationship, you must first pick a man who deserves you.
And one whom you are 'mostly' compatible with.

Second, only show him your sweet side, your humorous, your light hearted side.
Hard to do when the winds of woe, batter you relentlessly!
.................................................................

Are you unhappy and mopey? 
I have never met you. This may not be true.

If you have this side, turn it away from those who get 'close'. 
Hide it, suppress it.

Be a happy person, someone, a man wants to confide in, hold close, stroke and kiss passionately.

Do this, be this, you will be on the receiving end of a man's emotional love.
................................................................


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

have not been intimate for 5 years (yes you read right)........

...cough...cough....

I don't justify his actions, but he will fill this void somehow by some means...


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## kekkek (Apr 5, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> have not been intimate for 5 years (yes you read right)........
> 
> ...cough...cough....
> 
> I don't justify his actions, but he will fill this void somehow by some means...


Yeah, unless you guys are 70+ (and maybe not even then), this is not good at all. The marriage is already over. Get the paperwork to show it.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Sorry to hear that, that many years of cheating is way too much torture...

I would suggest that you....

1) document these emotional affairs, save off the emails etc.

2) contact the spouses or SO of these women he is engaging with.

3) Have your WH write out a time line with all the details, he will claim not to remember but he is full of it.

4) drag your WH to take a polygraph

5) spy on your WH he has lost his right to privacy.

6) insist that WH not lie about anything, money, job, what he ate, etc.

There is a reasonable chance your WH has had contact with these women, or perhaps escorts or coworkers or whatever he has to come clean. Does he travel for work.

Tamat


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