# Need advice, to help in moving forward.



## TrueLovely

Hello, I am new to the forum. I need some kind of advice on moving forward with my life. I am 30 years old. I married at 19. I am a follower of Jesus christ, by faith. It plays a big part in the descisions that I make. My marriage has been anytihng but biblical, considering that my husband was supposed to be of the faith also. Within the 10 years I have been married, I have been cheated on, lied to, abandoned, abused, physically, mentally, financially. I have been abandoned, and more. There have been things that have happened that I didnt think I would make it through. One of the most devasting things that I experinced, was finding out, that he and my supposedly, best friend had slept together, a couple of times.

After staying through some very traumatizing things, this was a major breaking point for me. I stayed because, we are taught to forgive. I know people are not perfect, and do horrible things sometimes, but I tried to see my husbands heart, and believe that he loved me, in spite of his failures. Plus I had fear, because of earlier abuse, and lack of support or help, from others. In the meanwhile, he did change, and appear to get better, little by little over the years. Well to summarize the story, I stayed for variouse reasons, in spite of these things happening. We have been together for about a year and a half, from him and my ex friends tryst. 


Well I found out a couple of months ago, I am pregnant with our fourth child. I was actually devastated to find this, as I did not want anymore children, also not really having 100% peace with continuing in the marriage. All the while he really seemed to be becoming a better man. Which factors into why I conyinued in the marriage also. Well this month, I happend to find out, a couple of days sfter his birthday, he had made attempts to meet with some females, who I do not know, off of facebook. I was devastated once again. Only now I am pregnant. I know what his intentions were, and I was comppletely blindsided, due to the fact that we had not been having any problems, and he knew my fears of being pregnant again. Wanted me to trust him, and betayed my trust again, In spite of having the oppourtunity, after all the things that had happend previously.


I let him know, I knew, at which point he didnt really say anything. I finally became so upset, I asked him to leave, at which point he demanded to be able to get somthing, at which point I smacked him, out of anger, and devastation. He than began to violently shove me, in spite of me being pregnant, and to act almost as if he hated me. Im done I am over it. he later told me he contacted the women, but at the last minute decided not to go down that road. I have no more trust, and even though I love him, am broken, to the point that I no longer want to stay in a sham of a marriage. It is a mockery, of what a faith filled marriage is supposed to represent, and I feel completely invaluable. 


We are currently seperated, and I feel guilty, and sad, that I want this opportunity, to be free fom this marriage. What makes it worse is he acts remorseful, and says he wants to stay married. I dont want to take this risk with my emotions again. I also dont want to stay in a marriage out of guilt, or fear of making the wrong choice. Choosing to stay has not paid off as right. Now I have another child on the way, to tye me to him.


Also, I ran into the man I got my first kiss from in kindergarten. We were only 5, but I always, had feelings for him. We never dated or talked as teens, and he actually married the I was close friends with in elementary school. Well I guess their marriage didnt work out. We have talked on the phone twice, and I am amazed at how much I agree with the person he professes to be. I however dont want to talk to him as a rebound, But I dont want to pass the oppourtunity, to get to know him, out of fear, or because Im not legally divorced. Which I cannot afford, or I probably whhould have divorced way earlier. Please give any input on how I could possibly move forward, and do so in peace. Thank you for reading. God Bless.


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## heavensangel

First, I'm truly sorry to hear of all you've been through. Coming from an emotionally abusive 1st marriage, I totally understand how you feel. Verbal/emotional bruises never totally go away. I don't blame you for not wanting to continue subjecting you and your children tto the 'roller coaster ride' of a marriage again. Honestly, it's not good for any of you. I say be very careful, his 'acting remorseful' may be just that. 

IMHO, the only REAL way for you to move on in peace, would be to legally end/dissolve the marriage before involving yourself and/or your children with another man. You mentioned not being able to afford to divorce legally, other than court costs, etc., what else can't you afford? If you're already separated, aren't you now on your own? Of course, I am assuming H is offering some sort of financial support to you for the children.


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## TrueLovely

I actually took the steps to seperate from him years ago. I was able, by the grace of God, to get help from a state housing program. I had to get child support, because in the past, he whould use money as a form of control. I never took him off of child support, even in the attempt to reconcile, or added him to my lease. I never really felt like I could trust him, and he didnt really take the steps to give us any securtity.

Due to some of his poor decisions, he lost a good job, that could have sustianed our family. He has been able to obtain other jobs, but never really,seems to have enough. I have almost had nervouse breakdowns, doing whatever necessary, to keep a roof over my childrens head, food in our mouths, and all other things. It has only been by Gods grace that we have made it thus far. No excess money, for lawyers, or whatever it takes for divorce. 

I tried to get help from our states legal aide, but they they said they could not help, because of our home he let go into forclosure, when he left us to move back in with his mother.

I want to end this marriage. I feel as if I need to. He is starting to do things he did in the past to play on my emotions, because he knows how badly, I wanted to have a Godly family. I struggle with guilt even though I didnt do these things to bring us to this point. I dont think he thinks I whould ever divorce him. I am scared I may not have the courage to, but I am trying to push pass that fear.


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