# In charge of finances?



## lookingfor (May 14, 2011)

My wife has a spending problem. It s simple if we dont have the money then we dont write checks. Well for example she hides mail from me, she takes pay day loans. For example we have spent almost $600 in bank NSF fees the last two months and now have $600 in pay day advances. Well today I told her that this has got to change.
We both make decent money, have 4 kids, and have very fast paced lives. SHe told me I need to open a new checking account with just my name on it and I give her an allowance and i manage the money. 
I feel like we are both adults and should not have to do that, and i feel it would build a wall between us. 
I would like to here from people that have had this problem and what worked or didnt work for them, one thing is for sure, something has to change!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

lookingfor said:


> My wife has a spending problem. It s simple if we dont have the money then we dont write checks. Well for example she hides mail from me, she takes pay day loans. For example we have spent almost $600 in bank NSF fees the last two months and now have $600 in pay day advances. Well today I told her that this has got to change.
> We both make decent money, have 4 kids, and have very fast paced lives. SHe told me I need to open a new checking account with just my name on it and I give her an allowance and i manage the money.
> I feel like we are both adults and should not have to do that, and i feel it would build a wall between us.
> I would like to here from people that have had this problem and what worked or didnt work for them, one thing is for sure, something has to change!


You want to be right? Or do you want to fix the problem. Put her on an allowance. Have her turn her pay over to you.

We did that. Helped my husband LEARN self control.


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## lookingfor (May 14, 2011)

Im afraid that is what i am going to have to do, now i just have to do it. My wife likes to be in control of a lot of things but i think her admittingly that our finance are screwd up and its goint to take a while to get ahead is a good indicator, I hope it works. Thanks


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

My husband is not that great at managing money. He's been happily on an allowance for 20 years. We both look at it as just one of those division of chores. He hates handling money and I'm a CPA so it just made sense for me to do it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The missus used to have a severe spending problem, but the strange thing is that by allowing my wife to finally take control of our finances she actually ended up being MUCH more responsible with her spending this year =/

But I guess I really drilled it into her - "OK fine! But if we end up broke, or argue about spending again - it's on your HEAD! Agreed? No backing out! No excuses if you f--k it up!" And it kinda seemed to have made her want to prove me wrong that she's not some dumb extravagant bimbo heh

So far so good


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Do it!!

I'm the one that used to have the spending problem in our family. My parents died young and all of my dads brothers got Alzheimers, so in my head I figured by 65 I'll start seeing solid symptoms.

I didn't save for retirement from 22-29yrs old because I was certain what's the point? I'll be a vegetable by 75 anyway....if I'm lucky to live that long!!

Since then the wife and I both put in 15% we'll see how it goes!!


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

I totally agree with mikeyoung. Spent a half hour every couple weeks sitting at your table doing the budget..EACH of you take a little mad money..the same amount! and the rest goes to bills and savings. do NOT make her feel like a child. It will make her rebel more. believe me. I speak from experience here.


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## abcxyz (Jul 27, 2011)

You have to do what you have to do to save the relationship even if it is a little hard on you at first. You are not doing anything wrong and you shouldn't be made to be the bad guy. Understand that feeling!


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

My husband asked me to do this. Take over the finances and just give him an allowance. He felt thats what previous generations did (the man worked, the wife paid the bills, he had spending money.) The only problem that comes in is when a partner says this, but they still want to have a say so in how to manage the money. Um, I thought you admitted you weren't good with managing the money. Um, I thought you didn't want this chore. When a spouse relinquishes money management duties, I don't think they understand the responsibilities of it, but still want to call shots. If I'm putting savings away as the person responsible, why are you asking me what the savings is for, why can't we spend it. Wanting to spend spend spend is why there was never money for emergencies or never any extra money. You don't understand that I make certain financial decisions, because I know what's in the bank. Under your management, liabilities resulted because you didn't know what we had. Hence, extra fees, late bills, etc. Ever since I took over, no overdraft fees (I can't stand them. If its something you have to do, do it. She'll probably have to pick up the responsibility in some other area. Hopefully she will listen to you and follow your lead when you make certain financial decisions, because after all, she did ask you to handle it.


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## Efferus (Dec 28, 2011)

Mom6547 said:


> You want to be right? Or do you want to fix the problem. Put her on an allowance. Have her turn her pay over to you.
> 
> We did that. Helped my husband LEARN self control.


Ditto! My partner also asked that I do the same and at first I was not too keen because I thought it best that he learn how to manage the money rather than shirk the responsibility and pass it off to me but when it came time to purchase the house I did just that and now we no longer fight about money. 

I'd still prefer that he learn how to take care of things on his own but at least with things the way they are I can sleep at night knowing everything will be paid.


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