# Why?



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Why does a cheater act like his mistress does no wrong? When she too is married, with kids.. im baffled


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> Why does a cheater act like his mistress does no wrong? When she too is married, with kids.. im baffled


Cheaters don't think about their consequences. They've built a fantasy in their heads that they aren't harming anybody.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> Cheaters don't think about their consequences. They've built a fantasy in their heads that they aren't harming anybody.


Good lord. He acts as she hung the moon and I’m garbage on the bottom of his shoe


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> Good lord. He acts as she hung the moon and I’m garbage on the bottom of his shoe


It's the excitement of having to impress somebody new and the novelty of trying new things that motivates them. 
It's horrible. 
My red line is a physical affair. The marriage ends if she crosses that red line. 
I can tolerate some flirty action and even a small amount of EA, but not where it falls into physical.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ldziesinski said:


> Why does a cheater act like his mistress does no wrong? When she too is married, with kids.. im baffled


Are you divorcing him? Does her husband know?


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Are you divorcing him? Does her husband know?


We are divorcing and her husband knows


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Not all cheaters put their AP before everyone else but your husband apparently does.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Not all cheaters put their AP before everyone else but your husband apparently does.


AP?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ldziesinski said:


> Good lord. He acts as she hung the moon and I’m garbage on the bottom of his shoe


It's called the "affair fog". He had two women meeting his needs. So, he's high as a kite. Give it some time when he no longer has you to meet a lot of his needs and he's going to crash. Only about 3% of affairs go on very long after the cheater's marriage ends.

You say her husband knows. What is her husband doing? Is he filing for divorce?


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> AP?


Affair Partner.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I don't believe in a mystical, magical "fog" that cheaters exist in. That simply takes the onus of responsibility for their **** behavior off their shoulders and basically lays it on some magic "fog" that supposedly causes them to make the unacceptable decisions they make.

The reason lover boy thinks Skankarella is so 'wonderful' is because he's only seen her in her BEST light. He hasn't seen her over the course of a day or a week or a month or a year. They see each other in these little window frames of time, and each of them likely give their 'best' during that time because it's so limited and they don't want to spend it arguing or doing chores or doing nothing. 

Let them live like actual people live instead, and not in little bursts of precious time. Let her start washing his dirty underwear and scrubbing the toilet he ALMOST accurately hits every time, and dealing with his food allergies or having to listen to his stupid stories about his high school football glory days, and let's see how long he puts up with her lousy cooking or constantly being on her phone or making him watch that horrid Hallmark channel all the time, and they'll come to see that being together is NOT the Shangri-La these two idiots _*thought*_ it would be. And they'll also come to realize that the other is not QUITE the perfect human being they thought they'd be.

Admittedly, some marriages borne of affairs last a long, long time. Others? Not so much.


----------



## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

So they meet up and get it on pretty quick since they don't have all that much time. Especially mom with 3 kids. Then, that's it, OVAH. 

That's what he likes. Now you know.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> It's called the "affair fog". He had two women meeting his needs. So, he's high as a kite. Give it some time when he no longer has you to meet a lot of his needs and he's going to crash. Only about 3% of affairs go on very long after the cheater's marriage ends.
> 
> You say her husband knows. What is her husband doing? Is he filing for divorce?


Per my husband a now known liar “they are working on their marriage” but she sent me a text saying I won and he hates you and loves me so doesn’t seem to be true lol


rugswept said:


> So they meet up and get it on pretty quick since they don't have all that much time. Especially mom with 3 kids. Then, that's it, OVAH.
> 
> That's what he likes. Now you know.


oh he swears they aren’t physical 😂


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ldziesinski said:


> Per my husband a now known liar “they are working on their marriage” but she sent me a text saying I won and he hates you and loves me so doesn’t seem to be true lol


How tacky of her ...  Maybe you should forward that text to her husband. Her husband has the right to know that she's playing him.

The affair will most likely fall apart after you leave him, kick him out, file for divorce. Shortly after that is usually when it happens.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

He doesn’t even think he is having an affair. Emotionally cheating is like cyber bullying he says it’s not real 😑🔫


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Ldziesinski said:


> He doesn’t even think he is having an affair. Emotionally cheating is like cyber bullying he says it’s not real 😑🔫


Denial kills the pain of reality.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Trident said:


> Denial kills the pain of reality.


Yep


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Welcome to Lala Land where you are everything wrong in his life and she is some perfect sex bomb angel. When he comes to his senses he'll realize what he's missing. And then it'll be too late.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> Welcome to Lala Land where you are everything wrong in his life and she is some perfect sex bomb angel. When he comes to his senses he'll realize what he's missing. And then it'll be too late.


It’s a mess, then once he told me I think it’s just when we moved to Michigan and was closer to my family that I just realized something was up. The story changes every time he tells it 🤷🏻‍♀️


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Ldziesinski said:


> Per my husband a now known liar “they are working on their marriage” but she sent me a text saying I won and he hates you and loves me so doesn’t seem to be true lol





Ldziesinski said:


> He doesn’t even think he is having an affair. Emotionally cheating is like cyber bullying he says it’s not real 😑🔫


Wow, your husband certainly picked a gem, huh? Guess he found someone who matches his mental age. 

Don't try to rationalize the irrational. It will only drive you nuts. 

I suggest going low contact with both of them until you can really get this divorce rolling. But do save the texts they send you.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Ldziesinski said:


> Why does a cheater act like his mistress does no wrong?


Because he justifies his adulterous and sinful actions, in his own mind, by sanctifying her and demonizing you. Cheater's Handbook, chapter 2. "Justification by Self".



Openminded said:


> Not all cheaters put their AP before everyone else


No cheater puts his/her AP before everyone else. A cheater puts HIMSELF at the top of the list. The AP can only ever rank second.



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Skankarella


You've still got it.....



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Let her start washing his dirty underwear and scrubbing the toilet he ALMOST accurately hits every time


This is very good advice. A man can live just fine with a wife and a girlfriend..... but he cannot live with two wives. Just wait until "Skankarella" sends him off at 10 PM in the middle of Monday Night Football to recover her toe-jam infested slipper.....

And, c'mon..... you've obviously been talking to my wife about toilets......


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Spoons027 said:


> Wow, your husband certainly picked a gem, huh? Guess he found someone who matches his mental age.
> 
> Don't try to rationalize the irrational. It will only drive you nuts.
> 
> I suggest going low contact with both of them until you can really get this divorce rolling. But do save the texts they send you.


 That is what im realizing. It will never make sense to me at all.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> Welcome to Lala Land where you are everything wrong in his life and she is some perfect sex bomb angel. When he comes to his senses he'll realize what he's missing. And then it'll be too late.


 Do they ever come to their senses? LOL


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

rugswept said:


> So they meet up and get it on pretty quick since they don't have all that much time. Especially mom with 3 kids. Then, that's it, OVAH.
> 
> That's what he likes. Now you know.


Oh they both swearrrr its never been physical . were just friends making secret videos saying I love you. If it hadnt been so secretive I might believe it. But it was prefixed with "trojan horse delete delete" and they have both admitted to now wanting myself or her husband to see it.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What did she win? A cheating asshole who is cheating with another cheating asshole. A match made in heaven, I tell ya. They are perfect for each other.

You might want to thank her for taking him off your hands before you wasted any more time with him.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> What did she win? A cheating asshole who is cheating with another cheating asshole. A match made in heaven, I tell ya. They are perfect for each other.
> 
> You might want to thank her for taking him off your hands before you wasted any more time with him.


I think I definitely will Thank her at some point. Im not quite there yet. lol. It just gets under my skin so bad that he wont just admit its wrong. I know thats beating a dead horse, would just be nice to hear it lol


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> I think I definitely will Thank her at some point. Im not quite there yet. lol. *It just gets under my skin so bad that he wont just admit its wrong.* I know thats beating a dead horse, would just be nice to hear it lol


That is the hill he is willing to die on. Let him.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> That is the hill he is willing to die on. Let him.


Yeah. I guess so


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> Yeah. I guess so


Good idea. The truth is a very rare thing with cheaters. They don’t feel it benefits them


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Ldziesinski said:


> Do they ever come to their senses? LOL


He will come to his senses but it will be everyone else's fault. You are well rid of him.


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Well they are both winning…great prizes they have in each other. Gross.


----------



## JWakk (Sep 14, 2020)

Openminded said:


> Not all cheaters put their AP before everyone else but your husband apparently does.


Most I have read about or heard about do protect the AP above everyone else and will go to extreme lengths to protect them and this puzzles me because they should be going to those extreme lengths to protect their marriage and this is why I would never have them back doesn't matter how sorry they were or how remorseful.
They had already given up on the marriage once they started cheating and should never be given a way back into it.


----------



## JWakk (Sep 14, 2020)

aine said:


> He will come to his senses but it will be everyone else's fault. You are well rid of him.


You realise once the Fog wears off he will realise his mistake. I would suggest when he comes back tell him to go "F" himself.
If I did that I would never come back as I would be too embarrassed to show my face to her ever again. You can never get back the innocence that you originally had between you, the relationship will always be tainted.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hi @Ldziesinski how is it going?


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Hi @Ldziesinski how is it going?


Going good. Divorce was finalized last week - my ex husband is still crazy as ever and seemed to have forgotten why we were in court, but its done! Now to just get the rest of my belongings from the house!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

That's good news.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ldziesinski said:


> Going good. Divorce was finalized last week - my ex husband is still crazy as ever and seemed to have forgotten why we were in court, but its done! Now to just get the rest of my belongings from the house!


Good to hear that you are doing ok and have resolved all this. Now you can get on with your life.

Do you have a date setup for when you can get your belongings? Is he giving you a hard time about that?


----------



## bricks (Aug 14, 2017)

Been here. Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time or energy trying to understand. You can never get to the bottom of things when people are lying. Don't take any more text messages from his mistress. Don't get involved in her drama - she is clearly trying to stir things up and she is lying just as much as your husband is.

Move on. Only have the attorney speak to him. Don't let him in the house. Don't "clear the air" or try to come to an understanding. He'll be back crying when he realizes love isn't so lovely when there are responsibilities involved. At that point, you will be ready to say a very quiet and undramatic, "No thank you."

Rise above this. Find a tribe. This can go no where good right now.


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Ldziesinski said:


> my ex husband is still crazy as ever and seemed to have forgotten why we were in court


Yeesh, you sure he doesn't have some mental issues going on? How on earth do you forget why you're divorcing lol?

Onwards and upwards. Hope getting the rest of your stuff goes smoothly. And if he's still being crazy, maybe it's best to get a third party as a witness. If you're allowed to record interactions, do that too. For your own safety.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Good to hear that you are doing ok and have resolved all this. Now you can get on with your life.
> 
> Do you have a date setup for when you can get your belongings? Is he giving you a hard time about that?


Yes! Some of my stuff is in the town where his parents live , we have been separated since November and it has still not been brought here. We finalized divorce on the 14th, so 2 weekends ago, still not here. He asked a friend of mine if he knew when I was getting my things, so I unblocked him momentarily to tell him I will not be making 2 trips so everything in his hometown needs to be here. It is still not here, he has not given over the financial info for me to get my part of the settlement, and is pissed that I still require him to go through the attorneys. But I am sick of getting verbally abused lol so yes, giving me a hard time lol


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Spoons027 said:


> Yeesh, you sure he doesn't have some mental issues going on? How on earth do you forget why you're divorcing lol?
> 
> Onwards and upwards. Hope getting the rest of your stuff goes smoothly. And if he's still being crazy, maybe it's best to get a third party as a witness. If you're allowed to record interactions, do that too. For your own safety.


I have wondered lol. He just tried to talk to me like we were best friends like nooooo


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Not handing over the financial info??? 
Be very careful. I got stung that way, didn't get my share for years & never got all of it. 
Insist on getting the info . . . now!
Don't forget to say, 'Why exactly are you not handing the information over'. 
Send daily SMS/emails to him asking for them until you get them.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

********** said:


> Not handing over the financial info???
> Be very careful. I got stung that way, didn't get my share for years & never got all of it.
> Insist on getting the info . . . now!
> Don't forget to say, 'Why exactly are you not handing the information over'.
> Send daily SMS/emails to him asking for them until you get them.


He finally handed it over this afternoon. Then refused to the attorney to leave the house so I could gather the rest of my things. So I broke my no contact with him and told him to get out in so many words, he started out so friendly like he had no idea why I would not want him there , then flipped the moment I told him I would not be getting anything unless he left 🫤


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Can you get like a friend or neutral party to help you move things out? Maybe he won't start anything if you have a witness.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Spoons027 said:


> Can you get like a friend or neutral party to help you move things out? Maybe he won't start anything if you have a witness.


I did , it went awful. He left but locked me out of the house. So now I have to go back a second time to collect the rest of my belongings. Its been horrible.


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Ldziesinski said:


> I did , it went awful. He left but locked me out of the house. So now I have to go back a second time to collect the rest of my belongings. Its been horrible.


Yeesh, what's his deal? You'd think he'd want all traces of you out of the house so that he can begin life with schmoopie anew. Control?


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Ldziesinski said:


> I did , it went awful. He left but locked me out of the house. So now I have to go back a second time to collect the rest of my belongings. Its been horrible.


Get a police officer or sheriff to accompany you.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ldziesinski said:


> I did , it went awful. He left but locked me out of the house. So now I have to go back a second time to collect the rest of my belongings. Its been horrible.


Yep, get a police officer to go with you. I know a couple of people who had to do that to get their stuff. The officer had spouse leave the house so that they could get their stuff.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Good to hear that you are doing ok and have resolved all this. Now you can get on with your life.
> 
> Do you have a date setup for when you can get your belongings? Is he giving you a hard time about that?


Oh yeah, I thought it was going to go smooth but no. When I went to the house with help and a uhaul, he locked me out of the house. I had to go back this previous weekend to collect my second vehicle and last of my belongings and he had taken the battery out of my vehicle and all connectors, so I called the cops. I was done with the messing around.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ldziesinski said:


> Oh yeah, I thought it was going to go smooth but no. When I went to the house with help and a uhaul, he locked me out of the house. I had to go back this previous weekend to collect my second vehicle and last of my belongings and he had taken the battery out of my vehicle and all connectors, so I called the cops. I was done with the messing around.


What happened when the cops got there?


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> What happened when the cops got there?


He magically found my battery and parts and hooked it back up


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ldziesinski said:


> He magically found my battery and parts and hooked it back up


Amazing how that works, isn't it? 🤣 

I'm glad you got your stuff. Now hopefully you can completely move on.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Ldziesinski , how are things going?


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> @Ldziesinski , how are things going?


I still feel as if I have good days and bad. I went to a concert a few weeks ago. He was there with a 21 y/o girl , I never saw him but my cousin did and he tried to talk to her. It bothered me that he had the “balls” to even try and talk to her. She lives in another state so he knew I had to be there. Idk why it bothered me but the audacity!
He also has a pic on Facebook wearing a shirt that says “you can’t fix stupid but you can divorce it” like I’m the one that cheated, lied ect and that’s really getting me down


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> Why does a cheater act like his mistress does no wrong? When she too is married, with kids.. im baffled


Because he's getting laid.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> I still feel as if I have good days and bad. I went to a concert a few weeks ago. He was there with a 21 y/o girl , I never saw him but my cousin did and he tried to talk to her. It bothered me that he had the “balls” to even try and talk to her. She lives in another state so he knew I had to be there. Idk why it bothered me but the audacity!
> He also has a pic on Facebook wearing a shirt that says “you can’t fix stupid but you can divorce it” like I’m the one that cheated, lied ect and that’s really getting me down


And I’m really holding on to it 🙃


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Because he's getting laid.


That really wasn’t a problem at home either 😂😂


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Ldziesinski said:


> I still feel as if I have good days and bad. I went to a concert a few weeks ago. He was there with a 21 y/o girl , I never saw him but my cousin did and he tried to talk to her. It bothered me that he had the “balls” to even try and talk to her. She lives in another state so he knew I had to be there. Idk why it bothered me but the audacity!
> He also has a pic on Facebook wearing a shirt that says “you can’t fix stupid but you can divorce it” like I’m the one that cheated, lied ect and that’s really getting me down


Probably talking about himself lol (the stupid one, I mean). It's social media. People can say whatever they want and equally people who don't know better would lap that **** up. The people who matter know that he's full of it.

He has the audacity because he's shameless and devoid of a conscience whatsoever. Most likely still thinking with the 'other' head, hence why he's like a former frat boy trying to regain his youth.


----------



## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

Ldziesinski said:


> He also has a pic on Facebook wearing a shirt that says “you can’t fix stupid but you can divorce it”


Wow... what an ***hole.


----------

