# The Roller Coaster Ride - How do we stop the extremes?



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

For a year now I have been struggling with the ups and downs of my damaged marriage. 

Having heard from her three times she was done, sent me into painville then while working at it while living together gave me hope and some highs. Then her sudden up and sepeartion and placement into limboland through the holidays sent me back into painville. Then the hugs and hearing her say she still loves me and fears she always will and does not want to give up on trying sent the positive feelings of hope skyward.

All these ups and downs of emotions have made for one hell of a ride, that I don't wish on anyone. I know it builds character, but I see the toll it has done on me in my work and even my apperance (stress).

My question is if anyone has found a better way to ease the ups and downs. I know prayer works for some, staying busy with others, even some prescription drugs are an option, but would be interested in seeing if I can pick up something I may have missed in a more comfortable and less painful and damaging ride.

Please share your thoughts.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I kicked my wife out three weeks ago after I found out she was having her 2d affair of our 21 year marriage. The first time was horrible, but I went to MC and IC and learned some coping skills to get over the pain and deal with the mind movies. 

I actually saved alot of the notes and literature from those sessions and I have been going back over the techniques and relearning them. This has helped tremendously, but I have also noticed the pain is not quite as sharp this time, and even though I have had some very dark moments over the last weeks, it doesn't seem to be as devistating as it was the first time. Why do you think that is? 

Posting on TAM, reading the other threads and communicating with other hurting people like yourself has been enormously helpfull in getting me through the past few days! Time that I would be spending mentally going over the why's and what-fors of my wife's infidelity has been channeled constructively into corresponding with the other TAM posters. I would be in a much darker place right now if I did not have TAM.

I also have been staying busy boxing up my wife's belongings (a cathartic experience in and of itself) and I just started back at my gym last night. I plan on giving myself a major makeover.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Bandit,

I think time heals which may also help with the waves of emotion.

I agree that TAM has been very helpful for the most part, but I have to admit that I have also been thinking that spending too much time here can also keep the emotions going. Like feeding it. I guess recognizing that potential may help.


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## Onlyino (Feb 7, 2012)

I am new to this as my wife recently told me she no longer wants to be with me, so I am not as experienced that some others here might be.

I do also agree that spending too much time reading through this site sometimes makes me feel worse. It is a double edged sword. I know I have received some good info and support here but I also dwell on it and that is not good.

I am seeing a counselor and I do know that is something that does help me feel less dead inside. Keeping busy and having a good support system around you helps also, but I think the only thing that is truly going to help me is time. 

You have asked a question that I wish there was an answer for because I would do it in a second, I hate feeling lost/sad/angry, but I tell myself every day... I only get one shot at this life that I am living and I do try to find a little bit of happiness in every day.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I understand the lows, but some of them have been very low. I too have a good support system which I have leaned on more than they probably like, but I can't thank them enough.

For me if there is a better way to handle the very low lows and just not experience them, I would have been much better off.

I do have drugs prescribed, but have choosen not to use them. I guess I know all the well known things that can be done, but looking for the hidden secret I may have missed.


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## Onlyino (Feb 7, 2012)

I am at an all time low right now. I know I have never felt anything like this in my life as I feel effected 24hrs daily. When I sleep I am dreaming about it, at work I can't focus, it sucks. But we must stay strong, as hard as that seems... that is all we can do. Also, have hope that it will get better.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Staying busy, working out, being with friends/ loved ones, getting involved with a hobby or group. I think having something to look forward to fill the time helps.

Prayer for those who are spirtual.

I wish you well!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Browsing the Reconciliation section and found this post very inspiring.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation-stories/37644-husband-just-moved-back-home.html


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

This is me said:


> Staying busy, working out, being with friends/ loved ones, getting involved with a hobby or group. I think having something to look forward to fill the time helps.
> 
> Prayer for those who are spirtual.
> 
> I wish you well!


To that list I'd add sunlight, or a tanning salon with UVB bulbs (they'll put out mostly UVA, but as long as they have UVB). It's absolutely amazing how much that helps. Also, a healthy diet is another huge influence on moods and overall well-being. If there is just one thing you can do with your diet, I'd recommend cutting out all refined sugar. Then try to cut out all processed foods, other than maybe some grains. 

Some supplements can helps as well. I like fish oil (get the molecularly distilled stuff), at least one gram of vitamin C per day (I like THIS brand, or organic Camu Camu powder), a decent multivitamin (not from a supermarket), maybe some extra vitamin B (take it in the morning). Amino acids are powerful, too, but I couldn't recommend anything specific without knowing more details about someone's health history. THIS book has some good advice for people wanting to know more and buy their own amino acids.

Oh, and I should point out that sometimes fish oil and certain amino acids can be contraindicated with some prescription drugs.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Funny, I stopped at a Sun Tan place this week inquiring their prices. I think you just sold me. UVB!


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