# What sexual favors a H can ask W for that she can't say comes from porn?



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.

What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.

When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If someone is uptight, against porn, or thinks anything other than missionary PIV is degrading, then they will blame porn/media regardless of whether it came from there or not.

It's probably easier to list things that likely are from porn, like fake moaning or expecting moaning to be like that, orgasm theatrics, etc.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Did you just ask "what can a man say that won't get him in trouble?" Because that is what I'm seeing here.
My wife is currently chain reading POS Romance from amazon unlimited. One thing that is very common in her books is an epilog with the new baby. So I guess I'm triggered by women pressuring men to stay in relationships longer than 9 months.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Now I'm going to have to read that thread!

Damn you!!!! LoL!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

That's what I'm saying. It's a catch 22. 

I'm not pro/con on porn, everyone decides themselves but it seems like anytime a W would want to shut down a H looking for a varied sexual encounter she could go right to no, you only want that because of porn you're watching, you should be ashamed. 

Which may indeed be a crock.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Do most men expect loud moaning? If so, is it because they’ve been conditioned to expect it from porn?
I’ve never connected the two but I have been asked, in what I always considered a teasing way, why so quiet when I orgasm. I’m concentrating!
I did learn to let out a soft moan or a loud sigh just to be polite.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.
> 
> What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.
> 
> When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.


All or none. Everything in porn had to initially come from outside it, and even basic missionary position is part of porn. 

Adding to the difficulty is that what constitutes porn is highly subjective. Some people consider the women's and girl's section of the Sears catalog as porn.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.
> 
> What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.
> 
> When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.


Good on you for starting another thread. This subject is different from the other thread because the husband is being an a hole.

People can get ideas for different kinds of sex all over, not just porn. I actually think porn is probably not a good way to get ideas about sex in general.

Talking with people, reading about it and studying books about real sex can give you all sorts of ideas that you probably wouldn't have figured out on your lonesome so what is the problem with trying something new or different once in a while?

I don't see an issue with it as long as both partners are willing to give it a go and they are respected if they don't want to or don't like it after they try it.

I don't get sex ideas from porn but I have a very active imagination and I have studied all kinds of sex for years.

A lot of my bedroom play has been learned that way and even several things I learned right here from my TAMfam.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.
> 
> When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.


As to what specific sex acts? That is an individual thing based on her personal boundaries, hang-ups, beliefs, etc. 

As for getting ideas, when my wife was young I bought her a subscription to Cosmo so we could discuss some of their sex tips. I also purchased a copy of the Joy of Sex "art book" for us to look through for things to try. Neither really changed her mind. When we were working with a sex therapist to save our marriage about 10 years ago, the ST loaned us a Sinclair Institute, Better Sex video. My wife thought it was porn, but the ST explained to her the difference and that this really was an instructional video. 

So the point is there are alternatives to "porn" but that "porn" is in the eye of the beholder.

As to frequency, count your blessings.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

maquiscat said:


> All or none. Everything in porn had to initially come from outside it, and even basic missionary position is part of porn.
> 
> Adding to the difficulty is that what constitutes porn is highly subjective. Some people consider the women's and girl's section of the Sears catalog as porn.
> 
> Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


That's what's my point, really. Is that everything isn't generated by porn but it seems a very popular go to excuse for the woman. Not to solely say it's only possible by a woman.

She doesn't want sex, if she shames H, she still doesn't have to have sex and puts the H on defensive so her lifestyle continues while he's confused.

I don't get how a H would ever go along with allowing himself to be controlled as such by a spouse if he knows himself to be solid.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> As to what specific sex acts? That is an individual thing based on her personal boundaries, hang-ups, beliefs, etc.
> 
> As for getting ideas, when my wife was young I bought her a subscription to Cosmo so we could discuss some of their sex tips. I also purchased a copy of the Joy of Sex "art book" for us to look through for things to try. Neither really changed her mind. When we were working with a sex therapist to save our marriage about 10 years ago, the ST loaned us a Sinclair Institute, Better Sex video. My wife thought it was porn, but the ST explained to her the difference and that this really was an instructional video.
> 
> ...


And long before porn, when I traveled extensively I've bought and read most of the human nature, relationship, and personal and business growth books our there while at airports and in the air.

I'd be gone a week and by the time I returned home I had all kinds of things to try, and my imagination added many acts I could make things at home to include, like frames, racks, bondage for her.

All without internet porn.

Why some folks don't believe there were sexual hijinks long before internet porn eludes me.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well porn has changed a lot of things. Remember that there was a time that men expected only access, not enthusiasm. And how long ago was it that no self respecting wife would give oral? That's what prostitutes were for. And in more hard-core porn men often don't do much but show up yet women scream at the tops of their lungs, which creates ridiculous expectations. Amateur porn has helped with this.

Porn had a lot to do with that shift. Its not necessarily bad....i happen to think its a good thing if both parties enjoy themselves, and i happily give oral to a guy I'm happy with as I enjoy the intimacy.

But your question assumes that all women hate porn which isn't true. And even if it was, you can ask for anything you want....the issue on the other thread is that he's harassing her for things she doesn't want to do because he has a porm habit. 

If she was ok with what he was asking the fact that its in porn might not matter in and of itself. By the logic of your original question I could refuse any and all sex because all of it is in porn. There's clearly a long way between traditional sex and some of the off the rails stuff in some porn.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If a wife knows her husband well she will almost certainly be able to tell if something that he suddenly suggests out of the blue after years of marriage has probably come from his porn use. 
I was very sad to read recently that many men are watching more and more violent porn and are wanting to act these things out with girls they meet. They are using them as just bodies to act out what they are watching and are not getting any idea of what a normal healthy sexual relationship is, and how to love and respect a partner. I fear for them and their future spouses.

I do think that a lot of what people want in sex these days is from what they have seen in porn, and anyone who pretends otherwise is very naive. I think its the absolute worst place to learn anything about healthy loving sex.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If it wasn’t for media, we would probably still be rooting around in the ground with our bare hands eating grubs, picking berries and trying to keep from being eaten by leopards like our primitive ancestors. Life would primarily be about daily survival.

We are inspired by media. We strive for progress because of what we encounter in the media. 

How many of us are in our careers because of what we have seen in media?

Are the cars we drive and the houses we live in inspired by something we saw in media?

Are the sports we play and the hobbies we engage in inspired by the media?

The media is definitely giving us current fears and concerns. 

And the media is definitely inspiring us as a species to strive for greater technologies, to develop new medicines and procedures and to reach out to the stars themselves. 

And it probably gives us some bad ideas and wrong ideas as well. 

Porn is just another medium. It can inspire us (I’m still hoping to indulge in a nuru massage some day!! )

it can enlighten us ( I’d never even heard of a nuru massage before I saw it on one of the tubes) 

It can educate us ( I learned how to give women a squirting orgasm from watching it on porn) 

It can stimulate very open, heart to heart conversations and open channels of communication. 

And it can arouse and excite us. 

Cont.....


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

People are so messed u about sex. I think there is even a "porn" category for not having any sex. Would it bug your4 wife to suggest that you not have sex? Would she call it porn?

Last time I checked I thought whatever people shares/or not was invented or experienced by people thousands of years before the invention of modern porn.

If you are in trouble for suggesting activities with your wife, then that is something to deal with her control and anxiety issues.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cont....

But can it also give us false and unrealistic ideas and expectations??

ABSOLUTELY

But so does everything else we see in media. 

I liken porn to like professional wrestling. Porn is just like pro wrestling in that it is choreographed, scripted and the outcome is predetermined. And also some of the acts and techniques are not applicable to the real world. If you go into a bar fight expecting to give your opponent a pile driver and duplex and throw them over the top rope, you are going to be sorely disappointed. Same is true with many of the acts and techniques in porn.

If you get in a high speed car chase with police, it ain’t gonna be like the Fast and the Furious. 

If you get in a gunfight with a bad guy, it ain’t gonna be like showdown on mainstream between the villain and the marshal in all the westerns. 

If you shoot a burglar in your house, you aren’t going to be a hero to the police. You will be cuffed and hauled to jail pending an investigation. 

And if you are nerdy, overweight, socially retarded nerd, the popular prom queen and lead cheerleader is not going to fall in love you.

We get all kinds of false and unrealistic ideas and expectations from the media we watch.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The women’s equivalent to porn is HGTV. 

My wife watches that and wants to go pick out a 2.3 million dollar beach house in Orange County and then do $450,000 worth of renovations on it in a weekend.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Why some folks don't believe there were sexual hijinks long before internet porn eludes me.


To be fair, the complaint is about porn in general. Internet may be the easy current way to obtain it, but the complaint itself is older than the internet. Even if you got your ideas from another person, _they_ must have gotten it from porn magazines.

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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> The women’s equivalent to porn is HGTV.
> 
> My wife watches that and wants to go pick out a 2.3 million dollar beach house in Orange County and then do $450,000 worth of renovations on it in a weekend.


I actually like porn and my husband does not so this is not a personal issue for me. But it seems many women’s issue with porn is that it makes some acts look not only pleasurable, but easy. Same with HGTV. I have been convinced by these house flipping shows that we can reroof the house ourselves, refinish our wood floors, retile the bathroom etc with no problems. Yes those things can be done, but not without proper prep, training, patience, some pain, and trial and error. HGTV doesn’t show the stars of the show leave after laying one tile and the real professionals coming to do the work. Porn doesn’t show the fasting and enemas before the shoot and the incontinence after.

Like you said, media gives all sorts of unrealistic expectations.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I have to throw this out there and you can look this up yourselves, but study after study where people are hooked up to a wide variety of physiological measuring parameters like heart and respiratory rate, body temp, perspiration, facial flushing, pupil dialation, vaginal moisture, vaginal and clitoral engorgement, penile erection etc etc have shown that females not only have as much of a physiological response to viewing porn as men but they also show arousal to more types and more varieties of porn than men. 

The studies showed heterosexual men show arousal when watching hetero porn and some lesbian porn, but show little to no arousal to gay porn or animal matings etc and showed no arousal to a man masturbating etc. 

Conversely hetero women showed arousal across the spectrum including male-male porn, female-female porn and even great apes mating. Men masturbating, women masturbating - pretty much anything sexual.

So did self identified lesbians. They also showed arousal across the spectrum including hetero couples, male-male, female-female etc. 

In other words, when measured physiologically under lab conditions, women were showing arousal across a greater spectrum of porn than men. 

maybe the day is coming the tables will be turned and women will be hitting up men to do something they got turned on by in porn that the men aren’t really into.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't like the idea of sexual *favors*, or *owing*, or crap like that. Way to ruin the vibe.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> I don't like the idea of sexual *favors*, or *owing*, or crap like that. Way to ruin the vibe.


Oh, come on. What if the guy wants to redeem a coupon from the "naughty" coupon book he got for Christmas?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> Oh, come on. What if the guy wants to redeem a coupon from the "naughty" coupon book he got for Christmas?
> View attachment 72080


Hahahhahaaha     

That would be the exception 😄


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

My wife HATES porn. There's a history. When I went so long without sex in my previous marriage, I admit that I turned to porn. My wife's ex was a porn addict and there were certain things that he wanted her to do that were straight out of websites. Both of us are well aware of all the permutations of acts that are depicted in porn, and sadly the ease of access today is warping young people about their expectations of sex and sexuality.

My wife and I have talked a lot about this because we've both been affected by porn. We know what we like and don't like, and have built our sex life out of feelings and desires that satisfy both of us. In a perverse but maybe productive way, porn made that possible. Porn is so prevalent now that there is no way a couple can't avoid the topic.

Yes, there are a lot of things we enjoy that we saw in porn, but so many more that we don't. For example, I can't stand watching a man slap a woman's face in porn, it enrages me. I mean, WTF? Or seeing a petite woman take a huge D and bleeding while all the time she's moaning like she's enjoying it? Or having a D shoved down her throat until she vomits? Maybe she consented to that in a video, but it bothers me to no end. What is this is doing to our young people and their views on sexuality?

When I was a frustrated husband who went without sex for ten years, yes I was a vanilla porn guy. But there is so much crap that is off the charts. There was a time when the women who did porn were professionals who understood the industry, had control over their careers and made informed decisions about being in the industry. Not so today. The aftermath for these young women will shape their entire lives, most of whom will not see lasting compensation for their labor.

I have completely flipped on my view of the industry and what is doing to the social fabric of our young people because of the porn social media age. Especially how it affects young women and their futures. Porn no longer means getting a glimpse of an 8mm film strip someone passed around on the bus going to school. Today it is the 14-year-old with the Pornhub app on his/her phone because his/her parents are either clueless or don't care.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

blahfridge said:


> Do most men expect loud moaning? If so, is it because they’ve been conditioned to expect it from porn?
> I’ve never connected the two but I have been asked, in what I always considered a teasing way, why so quiet when I orgasm. I’m concentrating!
> I did learn to let out a soft moan or a loud sigh just to be polite.


I've had sex with plenty of women and brought almost all of them to orgasm. Of which loud moaning has never been a thing, unless they add it for effect (which is so fake). That said all women's anuses pucker and vibrate with significant pulses when they go through orgasm.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

"CAN WE TURN OUT ALL THE LIGHTS"

I'm pretty sure that idea will not come from watching a porn because there would be nothing to see. Let me check... just a minute... oh my.... well.... 

Turns out I am wrong as there is a great deal of porn filmed using night vision. Sorry...


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Not a huge porn watcher, but practically nothing I have ever viewed has been anything I hadn't thought of or done long before the internet even existed and before I even watched any porn in my life....To be fair, though, I am not one of those people that can't seem to get off unless I have gone completely outside of the "norm" and resorted to stuff that most people would find bizarre, like a lot of the weird pain stuff and bodily fluids,.excrement, etc...Nope...not my bag...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> If a wife knows her husband well she will almost certainly be able to tell if something that he suddenly suggests out of the blue after years of marriage has probably come from his porn use.


That isn't always the case, and hasn't been for me.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> In my generation and my parents, all there was was mags with photos of semi naked or topless women. Now what is available for those who want it is vast.


You're mistaken since your generation had access if they wanted, to a vast amount of extremely hardcore material both in film form and printed matter. Much of it being published in European countries like Denmark, Holland, Italy, Germany France and Sweden amongst others, with distribution being enormous.

Likewise there is nothing in pornography today that wasn't already shown in enormous printed quantity through pamphlets, books magazines postcards and motion picture film from the dawn of photography through to the Second World War. Some of which still survives and can easily be found on the internet and in published books on the subject.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I have to giggle at a funny memory...an uncle of mine used to hide his porn mags under his church reading roster at home bahahahaha. My cousins found it when they were looking for something and we were all like wtf?

Another time we were on our way to our grandmas. Uncle, aunt and cousins had picked up my brothers and I. We had to brake suddenly and a porn mag slid out from under the front seat. Aunty picked it up and GLARED at Uncle and he actually said "How did that get there?" 😂🤣😂🤣


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> In my generation and my parents, all there was was mags with photos of semi naked or topless women.


If you loved in Europe, that would be the adverts in magazines and on billboards.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> In my generation and my parents, all there was was mags with photos of semi naked or topless women. Now what is available for those who want it is vast. Yes of course people are influnced by what they allow themselves to see, and its not easy to go against the flow of what the majority think is ok and 'harmless', but its well worth it.
> Numerous studies have been done to show the incredible damage porn does, especially to young impressionable minds, and the destruction it brings in peoples lives and marriages.


Not stating pro, con, but you're mistaken. There were plenty of nude magazine material long before, and not hard to find.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I'm in my 40's and I remember my cousins and I finding my uncle's VHS and Betamax porn tapes. He was still living at grandma's house (yuck!) We grabbed one and watched at my grandma's apartment in the back of her property. It was bizarre because I was 10 at the time I believe? I'm sure my older cousins enjoyed the tape! 

I don't like video porn. I like erotic photography and I like to read real sex stories. Is that considered porn too? Sex blogs are fun, I don't read the ones I don't feel are pleasurable, though. 

I don't read them that often but I do think they give me a boost when I start getting bored. They have given me ideas too. 

Women like to read those cheesy romance novels. I read them too. Those are full of x- rated scenes. 

Men like their porn but there are other ways women enjoy sex and fantasy. 

I'm not a HD woman, but I like to explore new things in the bedroom.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm in my 40's and I remember my cousins and I finding my uncle's VHS and Betamax porn tapes. He was still living at grandma's house (yuck!) We grabbed one and watched at my grandma's apartment in the back of her property. It was bizarre because I was 10 at the time I believe? I'm sure my older cousins enjoyed the tape!
> 
> I don't like video porn. I like erotic photography and I like to read real sex stories. Is that considered porn too? Sex blogs are fun, I don't read the ones I don't feel are pleasurable, though.
> 
> ...


You've said all the right things imho that would make you an attractive mate and partner!


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

frusdil said:


> an uncle of mine used to hide his porn mags under his church reading roster at home
> 
> We had to brake suddenly and a porn mag slid out from under the front seat.





pastasauce79 said:


> I remember my cousins and I finding my uncle's VHS and Betamax porn tapes.


Back in the day, the struggle was real..lol.

Young adults today have it so easy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> That isn't always the case, and hasn't been for me.


Not always I am sure, but very often.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Not stating pro, con, but you're mistaken. There were plenty of nude magazine material long before, and not hard to find.


Playboy etc was topless and partially clad women in the 1960's and around.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> If you loved in Europe, that would be the adverts in magazines and on billboards.


I do live in Europe, but it wasnt the case back then.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

maquiscat said:


> If you *loved* in Europe, that would be the adverts in magazines and on billboards.


Quoted for the Freudian slip, lol.

I've rarely sought out or viewed porn that included activities I wasn't interested in doing myself already. I do think it has made things like anal and cumshots seem more "normal". I think some guys get an inaccurate ideas of technique and perception of what women do enjoy (or how commonly some things are enjoyed).


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Hiner112 said:


> Quoted for the Freudian slip, lol.


Not quite sure I would classify it as Freudian, but humorous nonetheless.



> I've rarely sought out or viewed porn that included activities I wasn't interested in doing myself already. I do think it has made things like anal and cumshots seem more "normal". I think some guys get an inaccurate ideas of technique and perception of what women do enjoy (or how commonly some things are enjoyed).


I would say that misperception applies to women as well. Being in the BDSM lifestyle and having been a munch group leader, and found it amazing the frequency with which I saw various plays, and the infrequency of others as well. Also amazing is the high overlap of the BDSM and Fandom geek communities. But I have seen sub women who end up so confused when they encounter Doms who are not ordering them to kneel and such. It's one of the reasons I started our education series and developed my 101 class.

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Numerous studies have been done to show the incredible damage porn does, especially to young impressionable minds, and the destruction it brings in peoples lives and marriages.


When studying something, people can be biased to try and validate a particular hypothesis. If somebody studied porn to prove it was a good thing, I am pretty sure they could prove it is beneficial to the mind and the body's overall health. 

Generally speaking good research will tell you both the pros and cons. Here are a few pros for example:


Someone with an alternate sexual orientation such as homosexuality and contemplating suicide may find that porn lets them know they are actually normal and that they should not allow someone else's religion destroy their life. As a result they embrace who they are and go onto live a happy and fulfilling life. 
Pharmaceutical companies utilize pornography as a way to help better understand the human sexual response. 
Fertility clinics may utilize pornography to collect a sperm sample from a donor to help an otherwise infertile couple to conceive and have a family.
Religious people that are forbidden to watch porn may study the harmful side effects of porn as their only valid excuse to watch it and enjoy it without feeling ashamed of doing so. This may lead to lots and lots and lots and lots of research on porn. My goodness we better research it some more. WOOOO HOOO this is important research that must NOT STOP! 

Just saying....

Badsanta


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Find some sites that are _educational _about a variety of sexual activities, and then you can say whatever ideas you request came from _educational _reading about improving your sex life. No porn issues arise.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> Find some sites that are _educational _about a variety of sexual activities, and then you can say whatever ideas you request came from _educational _reading about improving your sex life. No porn issues arise.


And they do exist, providing photos or drawings that not not explicit, per se, but illustrate the topic.

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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.
> 
> What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.
> 
> When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.


Didn't read the whole thread so...

The truth is porn is about sex so there probably isn't a single thing not in porn. However some things are more in the norm range and some are more outside of the norm. The things in the norm range probably wouldn't automatically be called from porn like a blow job, massage, sexy lingerie, etc. But other things like like MFM 3some, nipple clamps and such probably are considered from porn. 

While it could be that any of these were thought of outside of porn we will never know because porn is so pervasive. Even men who don't use porn regularly of which there are many, have at one time in their life been exposed. An interesting study would be maybe amish men or amazon tribes. Asking to see what naturally pops into their head without the exposure.

Another thing that at least to me seems to be different is my partner is passionate and in love with me. Loving mutual acts seem natural. Acts that are demeaning or not mutual seem more like porn to me. Maybe that isn't true but you asked basically for a woman view on it not whether the man did or did not actually get it from porn. So wanting to pull out and spray semen in my face/eyes doesn't seem like someone who loves me that seems demeaning so hence porn. I can also say I never once have had a man want to do that so.....

As the wife you loves her husband I would be willing to try most things. My husband doesn't watch porn.

I think if you watch porn regularly and then make these requests whether they are from the content or your own mind the wife wouldn't know and if you've been watching porn how would you know if you'd have had those thought without porn? So she might feel like you a treating her like a porn actress. Women very rarely want to be porn actresses or treated like one. So there is a danger with emotional backlash there too.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.
> 
> What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.
> 
> When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.


Read about Caligula's exploits. Mine them for some ideas. Way before porn. For that matter, read Marquis de Sade for ideas too.


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> As to what specific sex acts? That is an individual thing based on her personal boundaries, hang-ups, beliefs, etc.
> 
> As for getting ideas, when my wife was young I bought her a subscription to Cosmo so we could discuss some of their sex tips. I also purchased a copy of the Joy of Sex "art book" for us to look through for things to try. Neither really changed her mind. When we were working with a sex therapist to save our marriage about 10 years ago, the ST loaned us a Sinclair Institute, Better Sex video. My wife thought it was porn, but the ST explained to her the difference and that this really was an instructional video.
> 
> ...


So did you find the ST and the suggestion of the video helpful?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

think positive said:


> So did you find the ST and the suggestion of the video helpful?


The ST did save our marriage because after not quite 40 years of marriage I was ready to divorce my wife and move on. The ST got through to my wife that she needed to pay attention to what I was saying. The ST also got my wife to understand that my wife had a choice, did she want to stay married or not. She got to decide, but she also had to live with the consequences and know that she brought this on.

Now as to the video, I learned several things. My wife viewed it as pornography that she would not watch. The ST asked he why she wouldn't watch it. My wife responded that the people were all wearing make-up, the women had hairdos and the men and women all were young and had beautiful bodies. The ST said no, that if she had watched it she would have seen old and young, skinny and overweight people. The ST made sure that my wife understood that she had not watched the video and therefore missed an opportunity to learn what might please her husband.

My wife hated the ST. Every time my wife has told me how horrible the ST was, I tell her but she saved our marriage.

Your mileage may vary. The ST we got was nationally famous and it was by complete luck that she was suggested to my wife by her doctor along with two alternatives. My wife in a dismissive way passed the list to me and said to choose one. So I googled all three and read everything I could about them. That one we choose had a PhD, written books, a radio show, local TV show, a website, and a local newpaper column. All of the local publicity was in LA or Hawaii. She moved to a city close to us to be close to her daughter and grand children and so was relatively unknown locally.

Good luck.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Young at Heart said:


> The ST did save our marriage because after not quite 40 years of marriage I was ready to divorce my wife and move on. The ST got through to my wife that she needed to pay attention to what I was saying. The ST also got my wife to understand that my wife had a choice, did she want to stay married or not. She got to decide, but she also had to live with the consequences and know that she brought this on.
> 
> Now as to the video, I learned several things. My wife viewed it as pornography that she would not watch. The ST asked he why she wouldn't watch it. My wife responded that the people were all wearing make-up, the women had hairdos and the men and women all were young and had beautiful bodies. The ST said no, that if she had watched it she would have seen old and young, skinny and overweight people. The ST made sure that my wife understood that she had not watched the video and therefore missed an opportunity to learn what might please her husband.
> 
> ...


So you ARE having regular, enjoyable sex with your wife, and she's engaged with everything you are doing together, right?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

LisaDiane said:


> So you ARE having regular, enjoyable sex with your wife, and she's engaged with everything you are doing together, right?


Yes, she initiates and we make love twice a week. We go out on date nights once a week even with Covid, but they are outside things. We do other stuff at home together most days as well.


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