# Wives and their Hormones



## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I am not making this post to complain rather to find how many other men live within a similar situation.

I have a loving mostly caring, interested wife that changes into a criticising, controlling, irritable, argumentative, nit picking wife for around 10days every month.

I know that women dont feel good both physically and emotionally during this time. I am not trying to diminish the burden of the female hormonal cycle. 

I just wonder how many men are almost emotionally abused under the cover of PMS by love of their life? 

At times it can be a difficult journey for the husband of a woman who suffers from bad PMS. Often the worst part of it is the 'bi-polar' nature of her mood swings. 

I have chatted tp my wife about this in the past. She has said that on a subconscious/instinctual level during PMS she is 'angry' with me for not fertilzing her egg.

To clarify we both are agreed we do not want and cannot afford more children.

She has also in the past said that if she 'takes it out' on me during her PMS phase she suffers less physical symptoms during her period. 

Anybody relate to any of this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I'm pretty sure every man can relate on some level.

Just keep communicating to your wife how you feel when it comes about it. Point it out to her and tell her it's disrespectful and you are not going to put up with it.

That right there is the key, you putting up with it for so long and enabling her to treat you this way.

Nip the bud!!! If she is a good woman she will recognize her faults and pay a closer attention to herself during those times.

It's not easy though. I will tell you right now. If I was to be a woman and go through period, I would be WAY worse than any woman out there. God, I would probably tell my wife to lock me in the room for few days and just let me suffer through it.

Be sensitive to above, it's not easy BUT you don't deserve that kind of treatment either.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I never experienced quite so dramatic a change in personality in my relationships, but there was a difference. This old advice does actually seem to help (it may be expensive, but worth it!), so I always offer, "Here, have some chocolate, dear. Would you like some wine with that?"


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Subconsciously angry about not having a fertilized egg? Well there's a first for everything I guess.

There are several things your wife can do to help alleviate her monthly mood swings, some natural, some behavioral, and some chemical.

Increase exercise, increase sleep, soothing massages and soaking in tubs.

She must also be aware of her tendency to treat you poorly or to jump to anger so quickly and she must take steps to calm herself. This is part of taking responsibility for how you treat your spouse.

As a woman, I can assure you we don't like those times one but either! But, there is no excuse for treating others poorly. She doesn't jump on her kids during this time does she?

If it gets really bad, she can take a mil antidepressant like Wellbutrin. This won't affect her sex drive but will help modulate her serotonin and endorphin release which will help to steady her mood and level of underlying tension.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Yep, I remember bitting my tounge and smiling. Got caught rolling my eyes once or twice, didn't think that was pleasant experience. Wait till menopause starts, ten days is nothing. Patience is a virtue, lol.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> She must also be aware of her tendency to treat you poorly or to jump to anger so quickly and she must take steps to calm herself. This is part of taking responsibility for how you treat your spouse.
> 
> As a woman, I can assure you we don't like those times one but either! But, there is no excuse for treating others poorly. She doesn't jump on her kids during this time does she?


:iagree:

Taking a step back and realizing what she's feeling before she acts on it is so important. It can be applied to any situation too and not just when she's feeling hormonal.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

And, I was criticized by several other men on TAM for having a man-cave/music room. In times like these, I get a lot of recording and music writing done


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> Yep, I remember bitting my tounge and smiling. Got caught rolling my eyes once or twice, didn't think that was pleasant experience. Wait till menopause starts, ten days is nothing. Patience is a virtue, lol.


On behalf of all women....

STFU!!!! 

The hope is that by the time we reach menopause we will have gained some skills in coping with mood swings. But constant interrupted sleep makes any coping extremely difficult.

This is why I recommend massages and long soaking soothing baths. We need it with all the hot flashes anyway.

Right in the middle of sex...hot flash.., "get off of me, move away, don't touch me, just wait till it fades..."


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> On behalf of all women....
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I will say nothing as my wife has been dealing with peri menopause for the last five years. But, I will say my bass playing and music writing is getting to be really good,these days.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

drerio said:


> I will say nothing as my wife has been dealing with peri menopause for the last five years. But, I will say my bass playing and music writing is getting to be really good,these days.



:rofl: you're so good at finding the silver lining!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> :rofl: you're so good at finding the silver lining!



It keeps the peace and in my wife's defense, I really am the lucky one.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Yep, I remember bitting my tounge and smiling. Got caught rolling my eyes once or twice, didn't think that was pleasant experience. Wait till menopause starts, ten days is nothing. Patience is a virtue, lol.


I got off very easy with the ride through menopause. I gotta say I miss the hormones, our drives used to so in synch.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

I can't relate to this hormonal mood swing. My wife just powered on through. 

There was no dramatic shift. 

There were days when she might not quite by her outgoing self... She might have been a little bit less joyful and happy... but I don't recall her ever being mean spirited.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Mine is on the menopause roller coaster now. It's interesting to say the least. Ya never know who you are going to see from hour to hour


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## +Charlie+ (May 12, 2014)

I recall seeing a documentary once about some Arab tribe that shut all of their women in a large hut for the duration of their menstruation... we had a chat and she agreed that it could be a good thing... men would have the peace at home and women could be pampered during their stay at the "hut" for want of a better word.. haha..


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## +Charlie+ (May 12, 2014)

Mine is from South America so I get a fair amount of crazy hormones every month.... maybe I'll have a go keeping her in the wardrobe 

I suppose it's a way that we show our love by putting up with the times that our wives turn once they've caught a glimpse of a full moon.. HAHAHA very funny I like the "I'm angry because you haven't fertilised my egg" rubbish    .


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

Thanks for the responses everyone. 

Just to clarify she is not going through menopause yet. Its only during the build up to her period.

I have spoken to her about her attitude towards me during that time. 

It obviously takes a certain finesse ,as any man will understand , talking to women about her PMS usually does not go down well.

I have come to understand that what women experience during PMS is not 'a change' away from her usual self. Its another aspect of her if you will. 

In my experience woman experiencing PMS the husband really is an idiot who deserves to be corrected and nitpicked on. Her perceptions/reality has been changed by her hormones. 

This makes discussing what a male might perceive as irrational mood swings and argumentative behaviour rather tricky.

I have suggested taking iron/vitamin/evening primrose supplements during this time. Unfortunately my wife has for the entire time I have known her been very reluctant to swallow tablets. 

Its highly unlikely she will do this especially at my suggestion to calm her PMS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

+Charlie+ said:


> Mine is from South America so I get a fair amount of crazy hormones every month.... maybe I'll have a go keeping her in the wardrobe
> 
> I suppose it's a way that we show our love by putting up with the times that our wives turn once they've caught a glimpse of a full moon.. HAHAHA very funny I like the "I'm angry because you haven't fertilised my egg" rubbish    .


Well its what she said. I didnt say it was a literal truth rather on a deep down instinctual level. Who am I to argue with my wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

After reading only your first and last posts, Soulseer, I'm intruding as a woman to say :She is nuts if she thinks blaming her hormones is a good excuse for blaming you for actions or words. That's a load of crap.

She needs to be seen to assess if the addition of hormones will help her PMS symptoms, and IC to address her symptoms of being a jerk.

PMS/hormones are no excuse for cruelty. (Crying during commercials, yes it's an excuse, but not for verbal or emotional abuse.)

JMO, YMMV


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

Thanks Tiki. My wife does not take tablets/vitamins/medicine so its very unlikely she will comply. 

Knowing my wife if I were to push for what you suggest I can only see conflict and tension. 

This would make me seem like an irrational male trying to control her. 

Although I appreciate womens input here I dont think a woman can appreciate how difficult it can be for a man to talk to a PMSing woman about her PMS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

I'll add that I'm in menopause and don't miss my own PMS at all. Another approach would be to discuss the role male hormones play, because they also fluctuate, of course.

I'll duck out now but wanted to throw in those few ideas in case no one else had. I wish you luck; I'm so sorry she's being a weenie.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

I half-seriously thought PMS was an old wives tale...until I met my now wife. Yikes...

Do no harm.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> On behalf of all women....
> 
> STFU!!!!
> 
> ...



A 48" ceiling fan, mounted right over the bed, with a three speed remote control, works wonders. 


I just use extra blankets.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I went through several iterations of learning to live with my PMS. 

At first, when I was younger, I denied it. NO it wasn't ME. How could it be hormones? The emotions feel so real, and my perception of circumstances were easy enough to substantiate. 

Next, I tried to ignore it, and expected my husband to, too. After all, what the hell was I supposed to do about it? We'll just have to plow on through and if I'm an irritable b!tch, then so be it. 

Then, I tried to understand it in order to control it. Could I make it better with more sleep, or different foods, or more exercise? How about therapy? Can that help me get through it? 

After that, I thought I'd best isolate myself and "go dark" emotionally for those days. I'd become very emotionally flat towards everyone. No anger, no attempts to deal with difficult issues, avoidance of matters that might push my buttons. I was rather zombie-like--going through the motions and training myself in non-responsiveness. If that failed, I'd remove myself to my room and shut the door. 

NONE of those solutions were very good--some were better than others for my husband and family, I think, but everyone always noticed that the usual me was gone. 

But I recently had an "a ha moment." I've started to ask my husband for help. I've been more vocal in describing what PMS is like for me so that he can understand it a little bit better. I think a lot the problem in the past was because I assumed my husband wouldn't want to be around me when I was PMS'ing. And although that is still true, if there is something he can do, then he is usually happy to do it. Sometimes that means I ask him to make a point to hug me more that week, even if I'm being prickly and distant. Sometimes I ask him to bring me flowers sometime that week. Sometimes I tell him I need to vent, but that I want him to just listen and not say a word and then hit the "erase" button in his brain and forget everything I've said. 

We've BOTH gotten much better at getting through this time of the month--usually three or four days, give or take. It IS a part of me. I do all I can to manage it healthfully, and he does all he can to help me through it when I tell him what I need.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> We've BOTH gotten much better at getting through this time of the month--usually three or four days, give or take. It IS a part of me. I do all I can to manage it healthfully, and he does all he can to help me through it when I tell him what I need.


3-4 days is reasonable. Ten days, not so much. Good on you for communicating on what you need. PMS can differ wildly, between women and for a woman at different times of her life. At times (late 30s early 40s) I occasionally felt like I had a bear inside. For me, the single best way to manage it was consistent exercise....and an extra glass of wine for my husband.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

hambone said:


> I can't relate to this hormonal mood swing. My wife just powered on through.
> 
> There was no dramatic shift.
> 
> There were days when she might not quite by her outgoing self... She might have been a little bit less joyful and happy... but I don't recall her ever being mean spirited.


I think my wife is similar.

She's peri menopausal and doesn't exhibit mood swings except that she's a lot more sexual and her drive is through the roof.

She's never really suffered from menstrual cramps , PMS or anything like that.

I once read a book that said PMS could mean one of two things to a man whose wife's hormones are all over the place.

PMS => Please More Sensitivity or,
PMS => Potential Murder Suspect.

All depends on how the man reacts to the effects her hormonal changes.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> I think my wife is similar.
> 
> She's peri menopausal and doesn't exhibit mood swings except that she's a lot more sexual and her drive is through the roof.
> 
> ...


LOL..

Yeah, my wife never complained about cramps etc. 

She's normally real bubbly.. upbeat... positive. Laughs all the time.

Even when she's sick.. or had surgery, she's not fussy. She just sleeps and wants to be left alone. 

Our bedroom backs up to our den. She'll tap on the wall if she needs help with something...


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

PMS

Why men are ENTITLED to BJ's.

to be fair

Mens farting and belching

Why women are ENTITLED to cunnilingus.


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## +Charlie+ (May 12, 2014)

Women fart and belch... I'm a man but rarely do either infront of anybody..


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

PMS is definitely real but it's not an excuse to mistreat other people. I don't experience it every month but sometimes I get PMS a day before to up to three days during my period. 

It makes me feel very irritable inside and emotional - I'll cry easier if I hear a certain song/during a sad part at a movie even if externally, there is nothing to be sad or mad about. However, the irritability feels as real as when you are legitimately annoyed or angry or offended about something.

For me, going for a walk by myself or asking him to watch the kids so I can hang out in our room alone or do whatever works for us and helps me deal with the mood swings. Unfortunately/fortunately, that's what they are. It's unfortunate because you never know when they're coming but fortunate that they're short lived so a quick time-out by myself and I'm back to my normal happy self.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm a pretty low key individual, and take my wife's hormonal swings in stride. In the larger context, 99% of the time she's the best and I'm a fortunate man. I simply look at the big picture.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Every woman I've ever been with has been pretty much BSC 25% of the time.

The ones I could stand to stay with knew it, owned it, and did the best they could about it.

The ones I couldn't denied that they were going through it and acting differently at all.

For me, that seems to make all the difference.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

marduk said:


> Every woman I've ever been with has been pretty much BSC 25% of the time.
> 
> The ones I could stand to stay with knew it, owned it, and did the best they could about it.
> 
> ...


Agreed 

If they are a good woman that is in discomfort and acting out you need to call them on the behavior. If that doesn't fix it you're with the wrong woman. My Gf isn't bothered by time of month. But don't feed her and watch what happens lol


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm there right now and to be honest, I'm tired of walking on the eggshells. She's even taking it out on the kids now (ages 8 and 6). I don't care what the excuse is, hormones or otherwise you have no right to be cruel to the people who do nothing but try to love you.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

my teenage boys figured this out at about age 8. When it starts, they spend much more time in their rooms and come to me with everything. Drives my W nuts, but it is clearly the hormones talking. She has 'happy pills' but doesn't take them preemptively, eventhough we have discussed it a lot.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Because of some female issues and only one ovary, blah blah, I get WICKED PMS. It scares me most times. 

But I've learned how to cope so I'm not a raving lunatic or committing homicides every month.

It's part of dealing with overall health. I try to stay away from soy as it creates estrogen in the body and during that PMS time, I try to limit caffeine and sugar (both can make it much worse).

I also take two multivitamins a day instead of one for the whole week before my period. It helps.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I've said it before but when Mrs Wysh used to have her periods I never knew who to expect.

Attila the Hun or Attila the highly randy sex starved Nun.

I'd sometimes see both during one period.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

The "man cave" - the place you claim you're going to "do your own thing," when what you're really doing is crouching in a corner while your wife is just allowed to be a raging ***** to you because "it's that time."


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Hormonally driven or not, people have the ability to be aware of their behavior and modify their responses. PMS is not a free pass to b1tchiness, just like unhappiness with some aspects of a relationship isn't an excuse to cheat.

Perhaps some behavior modification is in order. Gently call her on her words and actions whenever they are inconsistent with a loving attitude (if necessary, become more assertive if gentle reminders aren't effective). In time, she may learn to recognize the nasty urges and modify her behavior. If she's willing to learn mindfulness meditation, that may be even more effective.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

By any chance, is the comment about not having kids her way of saying she wants more sex? 

Have you tried going that route? 

Either way, it's her problem and she has to own up to it.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

OK, so why is it that when a woman is on per period and acting like a real irrational meanie, that pointing that out, what is obvious to all who witness it, only fans the flames? offering a Midol? You'd think it was offering to stab her.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I am relating to this post right now, its only a few days of hell once per month, percentage wise its only 10% of the time, I play my guitar more during this time of month. Have to learn to brush it off.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

roostr said:


> I am relating to this post right now, its only a few days of hell once per month, percentage wise its only 10% of the time, I play my guitar more during this time of month. Have to learn to brush it off.


I dont think you should brush off 'a few days of hell'. 

Understand, sympathize maybe, but why brush it off?


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