# wifes b-day



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

today is my wifes b-day.

this morn after my shower I gave her a big hug and kiss and then gave her a hundred dollar bill. I told her that I was sorry for not putting more effort into getting her something thoughtfull for her b-day.She said cash is always good and seemed happy and excited to get her nails done and then spend the rest on something she wants.

In the past when I have put effort into picking something that was thoughtfull for her she often seems disapointed.

I really wasn't being lazy I just have been really busy and did not have a chance to go shopping for her.

I coach my 2 boys baseball teams and boy and cub scouts.
plus I had 2 vehicals go down and spent 2 vacation day fixing cars last week. ( starting to get to old to crawl under cars and turn wrenches) but it dose save me quite a bit of money.

so my question is would this be acceptable or should I have tried to get her something.

some how I kinda of feel guilty for not putting forth more effort.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You should have put more thought, time and effort into it. If she's like most wives, she already has your money.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Ummm ..... Well ..... Don't be too shocked if you get the same $100 bill back on Sunday (Father's Day) then.

The $ inside a birthday card which had a few nice, mushy lines written from you might have added a more personal touch. Since it's her birthday all day, you can still pick up a card.

Did you help the kids get her anything yet? Or plan something for her? Dinner with a birthday cake?


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> If she's like most wives, she already has your money.


:lol: Good one!!!


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Have some flowers delivered to her work. Women love that.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> so my question is would this be acceptable or should I have tried to get her something.


It's very important that you make your wife feel loved and special. This may not mean a gift, but certainly takes effort on your part.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hicks said:


> It's very important that you make your wife feel loved and special. This may not mean a gift, but certainly takes effort on your part.


:iagree:

And her birthday isn't over yet, so you still have time to figure out what you could do! For me, I like anything that looks like he put some effort in to it - like one time he made his own silly card, propped it on my pillow and surrounded it with Hershey's kisses, then he and the kids brought home a cake and silly party hats and took over making dinner. That was better than any material thing (like jewelry) that he could have given me, because it showed he had been thinking of me.


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## DrWife (May 20, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> today is my wifes b-day.
> 
> this morn after my shower I gave her a big hug and kiss and then gave her a hundred dollar bill. I told her that I was sorry for not putting more effort into getting her something thoughtfull for her b-day.She said cash is always good and seemed happy and excited to get her nails done and then spend the rest on something she wants.
> 
> ...


IDK if it's just me but I think men are generally terrible at picking gifts. I would way rather have a hundred dollar bill to do my own thing with than getting some flowers or chocolate from my H. But I can only speak for my own personal preferences.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

DrWife said:


> IDK if it's just me but I think men are generally terrible at picking gifts. I would way rather have a hundred dollar bill to do my own thing with than getting some flowers or chocolate from my H. But I can only speak for my own personal preferences.


Thats the impression I got from her excited reaction.

I'll ask her tonight when I'm giving her a birthday massage/ foot rub. and anything else she might like to enjoy.

I still might stop and get her a birthday cake to have after dinner tonight. 

thanks for all the feed back.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

> DK if it's just me but I think men are generally terrible at picking gifts.


It's just you. I have been knocking it out of the park lately, with her last birthday and Mother's Day. The hardest thing for me is figuring out how to top myself.


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## Waiting4RightTyme (May 12, 2011)

I'd have loved getting the money, too ... that way I could buy what I need/want rather than him spending money on something I didn't really need. Getting her a cake and giving her a massage are great thought gifts, too.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> today is my wifes b-day.
> 
> this morn after my shower I gave her a big hug and kiss and then gave her a hundred dollar bill. I told her that I was sorry for not putting more effort into getting her something thoughtfull for her b-day.She said cash is always good and seemed happy and excited to get her nails done and then spend the rest on something she wants.
> 
> ...


It disappoints me that my husband regularly does this. For ME it is in the get over it department since things are good, I don't let it add to any bad feelings basket.

But honest to god, you want my opinion? Gimme a break. Didn't have time is an excuse. Hello? 1800flowers? Amazon.com? 

On those occasions that I have received nothign for Christmas with a "didn't have time" I ask ... could it be that you waited until Christmas Eve, when you were expected to dinner at your parent's house, that you even began to think of it?



> I coach my 2 boys baseball teams and boy and cub scouts.
> plus I had 2 vehicals go down and spent 2 vacation day fixing cars last week. ( starting to get to old to crawl under cars and turn wrenches) but it dose save me quite a bit of money.
> 
> so my question is would this be acceptable or should I have tried to get her something.
> ...


You shouldn't have tried. You should have gotten her something. If you had handed me a hundred dollar bill, I'd have handed back. What good is it to give me money that is half mine anyway?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> It disappoints me that my husband regularly does this. For ME it is in the get over it department since things are good, I don't let it add to any bad feelings basket.
> 
> But honest to god, you want my opinion? Gimme a break. Didn't have time is an excuse. Hello? 1800flowers? Amazon.com?
> 
> ...


You are 100% correct !!!!!!

thanks for the honest wake up call.


on a side note I guess I feel some resentment that my needs are not being met so I don't feel like putting forth the effort.

I know that it is wrong to harbor resentment but hard not to.

In my mind I don't feel like meeting her emotional needs if she don't have any desire to meet my sexuall needs.

that sentance looks bad when written out like that but that is the plain truth.

I'm not talking about frequency or spicific sex act I'm talking about lack of showing any desire.

it get old always having to coax someone into wanting to make love.you start to feel like why bother if she don't desire me then never mind.

as far of excuses go your right not having time is a poor excuse but so is always being to tired and never showing desire or intinating any sex.

I guess we have come to a point in our marriage where we just accept it. sad but true.

I know the advice will be to ramp up the romance and all that happy horse sh-- but I been there done that with little to no return so why bother.

just another groundhog day!


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

DrWife said:


> IDK if it's just me but I think men are generally terrible at picking gifts. I would way rather have a hundred dollar bill to do my own thing with than getting some flowers or chocolate from my H. But I can only speak for my own personal preferences.


Not all of us are so bad at the gift department. My wife was once a fashion model for a short time, so you can imagine how picky she is in clothes. Buying a dress is an all day affair unless I do it for her. She's brutally honest, but has never wanted to return a gift I gave when its clothing. Plenty of other items were returned, though. The one dress that she did return, she repurchased a couple of weeks later and told me to keep my mouth shut.

But no matter how busy we are, we can do something to let a woman know that we think of her often. I did the $100 bill thing once, and she gave it back to me later when she asked me to pick up milk on the way home from work. I got the hint.

My office is near a Target. I've had bluetooth conference calls with colleagues in India and China while buying decorations for a dinner surprise. Sadly, once they realized what I was up to, I get all kinds of 'helpful' suggestions, mostly in the lingerie realm. But if you think about it, when it gets really busy, just the time you took to post this thread can add a few chosen words to a card that you write on an online order form for flowers, pajamas, personalized M&Ms, and even bakeries in some cities.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> You are 100% correct !!!!!!
> 
> thanks for the honest wake up call.
> 
> ...


Hi chillymorn ~
I don't know your particular story, but I do know that as a woman and a wife, I would not be attracted to a man who had an attitude such as above.

I would suggest that instead of "ramping up the romance and all of that happy horsesh!t" that you instead take a look inside yourself and see what you can do to improve YOU - and do it just for yourself. There's the infamous sticky over in the Men's Clubhouse that should be read, and there are a number of threads from men who started on a journey of gaining back their own self-respect and happiness and that could offer support and guidance. It is something you should seriously consider doing.

Do it for yourself - don't wait for your wife to come around to make you happy or to change. The only person you truly have any hope of changing is ... yourself. God speed.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> In my mind I don't feel like meeting her emotional needs if she don't have any desire to meet my sexuall needs.


Right, but who is going to be the one to break this cycle?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Hi chillymorn ~
> I don't know your particular story, but I do know that as a woman and a wife, I would not be attracted to a man who had an attitude such as above.
> 
> I would suggest that instead of "ramping up the romance and all of that happy horsesh!t" that you instead take a look inside yourself and see what you can do to improve YOU - and do it just for yourself. There's the infamous sticky over in the Men's Clubhouse that should be read, and there are a number of threads from men who started on a journey of gaining back their own self-respect and happiness and that could offer support and guidance. It is something you should seriously consider doing.
> ...


please be more spicific about the attitude you precive me as having.


We have been married 18 yrs. and dated for 8 before we got married.

as for manning up I did that or I should say never really fell into the whole nice guy trap.

I hunt ,fish ,exercise, do things with my friends.and am always trying to improve myself hell I love myself and am starting to see her for who she really is a selfish person.

I'm not waiting for her to make me happy I am a happy guy just sick of being with a selfish spouce.

or maybe we just are not a good match and its time to move on. but unfortunatly I would be less happy without mt 2 boy in my life daily.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Hicks said:


> Right, but who is going to be the one to break this cycle?


I tried to break the cycle as you say but it takes two I am not going to be the only one putting in effort!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its just that simple In my mind there has to be attraction and desire and you and they have to show it often or no thanks.


women like my wife can't see the forest throught the trees and only realise it when all the tree are gone.
by that time its too late. 

HAPPY groundhogs day at least until my boys are squared away.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> please be more spicific about the attitude you precive me as having.
> 
> 
> We have been married 18 yrs. and dated for 8 before we got married.
> ...


Hi chilly ~
The post just came across as bitter and a bit defeatist to me - like you blame everything on your wife and see little fault on your side. I am sure, like any relationship, any faults are born by both people.

You know, I had never even heard of "manning up" until I got to this site. I don't perceive the fact that a man enjoys manly pursuits to mean that he has manned up. To me, manning up is an internal journey a man makes (it also applies to women I think) - one where a man embraces responsibility, self-respect, leadership, integrity, and compassion.

So, what is going on with your wife? Does she understand what you need? Do you understand what she needs? Are you trying to work through it together, or are you just expecting that she does all of the changing to suit your needs? Maybe she is just as frustrated and bitter about the relationship as you are - have you tried to find that out?


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