# Going Through Strange Emotions After Divorce



## hereorthere (Dec 2, 2012)

I had got what I wanted 11 years ago. I fell in love with a culture and learned a new language fairly well and married a woman from that culture. Now, that I got what I wished for, I am divorced from her. She is in her mid 40s.

My main issues were:
1.) During the winter holidays she would prefer to be with her Mother and Father and other members of her family than with only me.
2.) When she did travel to see them she simply became unreachable at times by phone and yet there was still email.

So, after 6 years of this, I decided to divorce her (by default) and she moved back to her country permanently (the one where samba comes from) because when I initially met her I said there is a possibility I'd move there. The problem with this is we have a daughter and she kind of persuaded our daughter that her country is better, more friendly, etc. So, I did live there in the same house, sometimes same room as exW as we were trying to reconcile. However, I became homesick of not having U.S. foods and talking intelligently to people along with some medical problems forced me to return for 3 to 4 months at a time. I found some solutions to the foods, communication and other things but I still have the same issues with her which is she can go days without wanting to talk to me. She is bi-polar, causes stress and hasn't truly worked in a few years. Even her family members know she gets upset very easy and tell me about it. It seems to run in the household and I don't want my daughter to grow up in this. As for being loyal well, she is very religious and has really taken care of me what I got hurt and could not walk for a month, cooks for me, etc.

However, on some fronts, it appears to be what my Dad warned me about and that is being just a husband who works & gets no respect from wife, GFs, or exs as they only talk to you when bills become due which is something I have seen as a pattern. It is instilled in their culture but they do have a woman President. 

So, being that samba country does not cooperate with U.S. in bringing back kids who have established being raised there from going to school and her mother.

what are my options? 
to continue to reconcile to see my child raised & just understand that their culture. BTW, 5 out of 6 brothers and sisters in her family have been divorced including her Mom & Dad. I did not know this when I met her in NY. Of my blood bros & sisters it is only 2 out of 5. I can truly say I'd be very happy just seeing my daughter every week and talking to her as well. Now I am forced to travel 6,000 miles and be somewhere I prefer not to be. I just cannot continue this. I know I sound like a sucker, a wuss, but it's my daughter and I want her to have the best education she can have and it is not in her mom's country.

NOTE: let's keep the country anonymous in this thread - thanks


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> However, on some fronts, it appears to be what my Dad warned me about and that is being just a husband who works & gets no respect from wife, GFs, or exs as they only talk to you when bills become due which is something I have seen as a pattern.


This is because in 97% of the cases your wife expect you to have GF too , some sort of an open relationship. 

Before ever married her you should do your home work !

For now I don't see any option but 180 and go dark completely !

They're very attached to their H and Xes even it seem they don't 
care. If you go dark she'll contact you within 3 months I bat whatever you want.

Good luck and stay strong!

BTW - this is very sexist comment ! You sound like a woman hater and I advice you to remove it , not to mention that the girls here won't like you at all !




> It is instilled in their culture but they do have a woman President.


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## hereorthere (Dec 2, 2012)

No not sexist at all. The countries in SA are still very male dominated. If they elect a woman President the belief a man should do everything should be removed. All I am saying is it should be equal. 
I do not know what a 180 is?


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## hereorthere (Dec 2, 2012)

Thanks for the 180. 
But you are just far off base as labeling me as a woman hater being my first two posts. What I meant was women should see and believe they are equal because they are, not just because of Pesident being a woman.It should actually reinforce them to think so. 
However, if they continue to want to be housewives and that is all, then progress will not be made. She even told me this as much , but her personality is actually perfect to be a saleswoman, like her brother. 
I do not think doing a 180 with your kid involved is 100% possible.

Thanks


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