# Men Who Can't Work?



## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

Hi,

Just curious to see how some ladies feel of men who want to work, but can't due to illness. Is there any point in these men having a family that he cannot provide for? Is he better off alone?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

There's a lot of things to ponder here:

- Is this an official designated illness for which you've been legally declared too ill to work and are getting SSI? 

Or is it you deciding that you are too sick to work? 

- What kind of an illness is this? What's the prognosis, what's the life expectancy? Is it genetic? (IE will those desired children likely inherit this disease?)

I mean, those are the types of things I'd consider.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My husband can't work. He is working toward two possible goals: getting better so he CAN work, or getting disability if he is never released to work. I wouldn't trade him for anything. We have three children.

Question: would you be able to be a SAHD if you had the option? If your illness is severe enough to keep you from working, are you able to get disability because of it? The way I see it, if you are able to get disability in this case, then you WOULD be providing some sort of income for your family. So, I say that if you want a family, and you find a lady who loves you and wants a family with you, then go for it! You have just as much right to be happy as anyone else!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> My husband can't work. He is working toward two possible goals: getting better so he CAN work, or getting disability if he is never released to work. I wouldn't trade him for anything. We have three children.
> 
> Question: would you be able to be a SAHD if you had the option? If your illness is severe enough to keep you from working, are you able to get disability because of it? The way I see it, if you are able to get disability in this case, then you WOULD be providing some sort of income for your family. So, I say that if you want a family, and you find a lady who loves you and wants a family with you, then go for it! You have just as much right to be happy as anyone else!


:iagree:


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

It depends. personally I think people are too defined by their jobs in this society- there ARE other valid ways to make a contribution to your loved ones and society in general, other than/in addition to paid work. 

anyway, i don't think a guy who is disabled and cannot perform traditional paid work is any less valuable than one who can. The difference between whether or not such a man is appealing is, what DOES he bring to the table? Everyone has to give and provide things in a relationship- BUT imho your contribution doesn't have to be full-time paid employment. If you can find some temporary/casual work for a few hours a week that you are able to perform, great...or some kind of volunteer work that is compatible with your abilities and tolerance level...if not, just even keeping the house running smoothly for your partner and being there for emotional support is a valuable contribution!


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

braveheart2009 said:


> Hi,
> 
> Just curious to see how some ladies feel of men who want to work, but can't due to illness. Is there any point in these men having a family that he cannot provide for? Is he better off alone?


I assume you are talking about paid work.

Work does not have to be paid. There is housework, volunteer work, yard work, childcare, chores, barter work, etc.

For me it is about contribution which does not have to be monetary. If a person is contributing to society and/or their family in the best way they are able then I'm fine with it.

I have no tolerance for able bodied or able minded people who don't "work" due to lack of motivation, laziness or a sense of entitlement.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

coffee4me said:


> There is always a point to having family. There are so many other things that a man can provide his family even if he is too ill to work.
> 
> I think the biggest obstacle for men in this situation is themselves. They think their value lies only in their paycheck. When they are confident in what they contribute to the family and value themselves for their contribution the whole family benefits.




No one is better off alone, a disability does not define who you are, you still can be a husband and father. 

I have a friend who is a quadriplegic he can only move his head a bit, he not only draws beautiful paintings with his mouth and sells them. He has a job he diales phones with a long stick and uses a head set and works as a customer service representative. He then talks to a mic which types his notes.

I guess some people take their situation as is and with all fairness, but others are proactive and make the best of it.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

No, he isn't better off alone. He deserves as much love as any man. A man is not a paycheck. He is a valuable person in his own right. If you have the heart to be a loving family man, an illness will ideally not stop that dream from coming true.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

braveheart2009 said:


> Hi,
> 
> Just curious to see how some ladies feel of men who want to work, but can't due to illness. Is there any point in these men having a family that he cannot provide for? Is he better off alone?



What if you're married to the guy for say 20 years... and become unable to work. The question then is, "Would you stay with him?"

Isn't that a totally different situation than if you're single? Then, the question becomes, "Would you consider dating/marrying the guy?"


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