# Dating Great Guy, Bad Kisser - He wants to be exclusive...



## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
Problems?
He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.

Update: Things are progressing very well...he's attentive, communicates well, and generally seems like a kind honest man. The kissing has improved and we're having a great intimate relationship. We're both busy, and see each other twice a week. After our last physical encounter, I sort of threw him out because I had a busy evening.

He texted later to say he's not looking for "booty calls" but wants a serious relationship. Music to my ears, to be honest.

I'm a little hesitant because he seems to good to be true. I'd hate to be disappointed and I feel safer holding back.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just tell him how you like to be kissed, same goes with other forms of intimacy by the way.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

He was in a dead bedroom and he’s on the second month with two grown adults and no sex yet? 🤔


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> He was in a dead bedroom and he’s on the second month with two grown adults and no sex yet? 🤔


She said she wasn't ready and he has been respectful.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> She said she wasn't ready and he has been respectful.


I read that.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Sierralyn20 said:


> I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
> Problems?
> He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
> The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
> In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.


If you're turned off by just kissing and not talking or correcting even that after two months then why think there will be good sex or whatever?
Two months is way past time to be closer than complaining about kissing.

Didn't you post about this before?
Edited: do the guy and you a favor, breaking up would be a mercy to both.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

A huge part of any relationship is communication. Next time you're kissing just tell him "this is how I like to be kissed" and then show him. No biggie.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

He can be taught what you like, and unless he's an idiot he'll respond well to the advice. Tell him you'll take the lead and show him what you would like him to do.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sierralyn20 said:


> I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
> Problems?
> He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
> The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
> In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.


Well, if he's not into swinging, maybe isn't old enough to have fathered you and the COVID scare is pretty much over,. I would say maybe he's worth training?

Are you still getting matched with men 18 years older than you?

I'm a believer in working to improve the weak places if there is enough already there to work with.

Mrs. C wasn't the most skillful kisser (though she wasn't sloppy) and not even in the top ten when it came to first time sex.

She was amazing enough and we worked on the rest.

She got way better at sex and a little better at kissing and I learned to love Jane Austen among many other things.😉

Don't be afraid to help and instruct a little with intimacy.

Have him sit (I'm assuming he's taller than you) and keep his hands down while you take control of the kissing.

You should be allowed to use your hands however you want and starting with them gently on either side of his face as you control the kissing isn't a bad way to start.

This will definitely teach him more of what you like and will be a lot of fun to boot.

It's very erotic and intimate though so be prepared to be able to put the breaks on if you don't want sex or be prepared for a nice intro into full on sex.

You do have to understand that kissing with your significant other is actually sex light and you might already be in his bed if he had been doing it right for you to begin with.😉


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Thanks for sharing, the nitty gritty and the spit.

The kissing, in itself, should not be a deal breaker.

Compatibility between partners is the most important thing in a relationship.

The next would be chemistry.

Some have no need of it, as marriage to them is one of convenience and companionship,

Both need to feel that chemistry, or both, not.

Do not fall into the _critical analyst_ trap.

All humans have faults, tics, and little annoyances.

Look past them, or do not, at your forever peril.

Overly critical, and picky people find themselves alone, pickling in their own sour juices.

If he came from a sexless marriage, he is either low desire, LD, or he took care of business on his own.

Neither are promising notions, if you are more that high desire.
That said, you sound LD, or maybe having reactive/responsive desire.

Good luck!


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If you're turned off by just kissing and not talking or correcting even that after two months then why think there will be good sex or whatever?
> Two months is way past time to be closer than complaining about kissing.
> 
> Didn't you post about this before?
> Edited: do the guy and you a favor, breaking up would be a mercy to both.


This is a different guy.!!! 
And I'm not turned off by the kissing completely!!! Kissing is a learned skill (i think) and as ConanHub and others said, we can work on that. 
He really is a great guy.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> He was in a dead bedroom and he’s on the second month with two grown adults and no sex yet? 🤔


About 7 weeks, that isn't a long time.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Well, if he's not into swinging, maybe isn't old enough to have fathered you and the COVID scare is pretty much over,. I would say maybe he's worth training?
> 
> Are you still getting matched with men 18 years older than you?
> 
> ...


This guy is slightly younger. 47. I find that older guys are in the same stage in life as I am (teenage kids, etc).


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

sideways said:


> A huge part of any relationship is communication. Next time you're kissing just tell him "this is how I like to be kissed" and then show him. No biggie.


I'll teach him... the kissing isn't all that bad...just too sloppy for my liking.
Everything else is fine.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Married but Happy said:


> He can be taught what you like, and unless he's an idiot he'll respond well to the advice. Tell him you'll take the lead and show him what you would like him to do.


I like him, so I hope we can get on the same page.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

SunCMars said:


> Thanks for sharing, the nitty gritty and the spit.
> 
> The kissing, in itself, should not be a deal breaker.
> 
> ...


I am so not LD!
Anyway, great advice.
He came from a sexless marriage and started having sex as soon as he exited it 2 years ago. Just not with me yet.
I don't think he's LD either.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Just tell him how you like to be kissed, same goes with other forms of intimacy by the way.


I will, he's a great guy.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

You do have to train them early.

If you don't, that just encourages more mediocre behavior because they think they're doing it right, so you have to do it early. 😁 😁


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

bad kisser = bad sex. I remember that was a saying with the girls. Hope you can defeat the myth.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sierralyn20 said:


> I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
> Problems?
> He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
> The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
> In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.


You're going to have to try to teach him and he probably won't take it well. You can ask him if he can keep his mouth more closed because you're getting too wet. Truth is though this is his way he likes to do it so it's probably unlikely he'll change that permanently and it's also likely sex may be more of the same. But your only shot if you want to keep seeing him is to let him know that you don't like all the saliva. You might even have some kleenex in there by and make a point of stopping him and cleaning up your mouth area afterwards as a conversation opener. 
He might be one of those unfortunate people who has extra saliva. But you can usually tell those guys because they're always sucking back in just even when they're not kissing or anything. I worked with one who told me about it. 

I ran into a incompatible kisser situation with a guy I had known pretty well for 3 years before having the affair. It was the opposite. I never addressed it with him but I just stopped kissing him because some guys don't miss that. But I miss that so I like a guy who can kiss. I'm sure it's more a matter of physical compatibility than anything.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You do have to train them early.
> 
> If you don't, that just encourages more mediocre behavior because they think they're doing it right, so you have to do it early. 😁 😁


Yep, us mens are willin', but wary, soon weary of doin' it wrong.

...............................................................................................

Lessons are much preferred to those lock-outs.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sierralyn20 said:


> I started seeing this great guy (about 2 months in) He's extremely fun, respectful, kind, generous, upbeat and is smitten by me. Many dates, lots of makeout sessions. No sex yet.
> Problems?
> He's a sloppy kisser. Open mouth, saliva, swallowing my mouth etc. I'm not a fan of that...I love to kiss.
> The last date was kinda heated (hot makeout session in his car), and I'm expecting we're headed to sex. I'm not there yet, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. Oh, and he was in a dead bedroom with his ex wife for years, so intimacy is extremely important to him, but he's been patient with me. He's very affectionate though.
> In the meantime, what to do with the bad kissing? Communicate? Teach him? We're both affectionate, cuddly, hand holding, PDA, etc.


Tell him what you want. He is not a mind reader. How do you expect it to change if you don't say anything? You don't have to be like, hey you suck, you can be like, hey I like this, let's try this. I personally always liked to be with someone who just told me what they wanted as apposed to having to read body language, half the time if the person is afraid to say what they want their signals also follow this fear so they are very very subtle.

If intimacy is important to him he will probably be motivated. 


I have been married for a long time now but I figured if there was ever a time when I date again I am just going to ask, life is too short.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I love the kissing as much as the bare chested hugging.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

It's only been two months, so the relationship is obviously still new. I am sure he wouldn't have any issues if you talked to him about his kissing style. He probably was very nervous about his approach, wants to make you happy, and figured if you haven't said anything, then why make any changes? 😁

Good luck to the two of you and I hope everything works out 💕


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You're going to have to try to teach him and he probably won't take it well.


Yeah, try teaching him, and his response will tell you something!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Kissing is such a big part of chemistry, in my opinion. I don’t think it’s worth breaking up with someone you connect with in every other way but if you really see it going somewhere, tell him what you’d like and hope for the best. ☺


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You do have to train them early.
> 
> If you don't, that just encourages more mediocre behavior because they think they're doing it right, so you have to do it early. 😁 😁


I'm learning that the hard way!!!


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Mybabysgotit said:


> bad kisser = bad sex. I remember that was a saying with the girls. Hope you can defeat the myth.


This is super scary. I sure hope not.. can't deal with bad sex.
I sure hope that isn't the case. We're really into each other.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If the sex is bad, just grunt out "Bad sex!" and start laughing.

It should at least change the tempo if not stop it altogether.

Ask me how I know.😎


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

ConanHub said:


> If the sex is bad, just grunt out "Bad sex!" and start laughing.
> 
> It should at least change the tempo if not stop it altogether.
> 
> Ask me how I know.😎


How do you know?.... NO NO NO!! I am kidding, don't answer! 🤣


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Mybabysgotit said:


> bad kisser = bad sex. I remember that was a saying with the girls. Hope you can defeat the myth.


weak kisser week sex 
bad kisser bad sex
sloppy kisser .... sloppy sex ?

I find unless kissing is compatible you might never like it that much, there are different styles, people just kiss differently. Sounds like he is a sloppy mouthy kisser.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

The purpose of dating is to filter out those you cannot feel connected with. 
If your'e not connecting with him, where you need to, he should be filtered out.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> The purpose of dating is to filter out those you cannot feel connected with.
> If your'e not connecting with him, where you need to, he should be filtered out.


All because of kissing, in my case? Sad. He really is a great guy in many ways. Darn this kissing problem!


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

m.t.t said:


> weak kisser week sex
> bad kisser bad sex
> sloppy kisser .... sloppy sex ?
> 
> I find unless kissing is compatible you might never like it that much, there are different styles, people just kiss differently. Sounds like he is a sloppy mouthy kisser.


What is sloppy sex???


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Sierralyn20 said:


> All because of kissing, in my case? Sad. He really is a great guy in many ways. Darn this kissing problem!


If his ego can handle the rejection, you can still keep him as a good friend. 
You don't have to say that he's a bad kisser, he's just not the type of kisser that you prefer. 
Other women might not mind his style. 
However, as others have suggested, show him what you want and see if he's interested in pleasing you.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Sierralyn20 said:


> What is sloppy sex???


hmm, I had sloppy kisser once and they basically chewed my face off but then started to work they way down my neck kind of drooling all over me. I didn't see them again. So that, or way too much
loobe!


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

I don't really like it if my partner has weak lips. You know when they kiss your neck but it feel like nothing is happening 😂


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Well, the kissing is much better! He's following directions very diligently. He listened and acted accordingly. Much better.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Sierralyn20 said:


> Well, the kissing is much better! He's following directions very diligently. He listened and acted accordingly. Much better.


If the lesson is engaging and fun, most men take direction quite well. That's great news. For both of you.

Given that we are absolutely never prone to jumping to conclusions, being judgmental, or sticking our noses where they don't belong ... 

You mentioned that he is quite smitten with you. 
Where you at? Are you full of smit as well?
I acknowledge that you spoke quite fondly and favorably of him. Do you want him? If he were to make the move to be intimate right now, is that something you would welcome?

You don't have to tell us of course.

But, tell us anyway.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Sloppy....

Dontcha just love that word?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sierralyn20 said:


> Well, the kissing is much better! He's following directions very diligently. He listened and acted accordingly. Much better.


Whew! That could have gone either way.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

ArthurGPym said:


> Sloppy....
> 
> Dontcha just love that word?


Nope!

Makes me think of sloppy seconds or saggy diapers or something. Complete turnoff!


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Deejo said:


> If the lesson is engaging and fun, most men take direction quite well. That's great news. For both of you.
> 
> Given that we are absolutely never prone to jumping to conclusions, being judgmental, or sticking our noses where they don't belong ...
> 
> ...


We're both smitten. And yes, we've done the deed. He's affectionate, attentive, kind, generous and respectful.
I have to keep pinching myself to be sure it's not a dream.
He checks too many boxes on my wish list, and I'm terrified that it isn't real. Is this common?


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Whew! That could have gone either way.


He's really attentive!


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Update: Things are progressing very well...he's attentive, communicates well, and generally seems like a kind honest man. The kissing has improved and we're having a great intimate relationship. We're both busy, and see each other twice a week. After our last physical encounter, I sort of threw him out because I had a busy evening.

He texted later to say he's not looking for "booty calls" but wants a serious relationship. Music to my ears, to be honest.

I'm a little hesitant because he seems too good to be true. I'd hate to be disappointed and I feel safer holding back.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sierralyn20 said:


> Update: Things are progressing very well...he's attentive, communicates well, and generally seems like a kind honest man. The kissing has improved and we're having a great intimate relationship. We're both busy, and see each other twice a week. After our last physical encounter, I sort of threw him out because I had a busy evening.
> 
> He texted later to say he's not looking for "booty calls" but wants a serious relationship. Music to my ears, to be honest.
> 
> I'm a little hesitant because he seems too good to be true. I'd hate to be disappointed and I feel safer holding back.


Don't lock yourself down to him since you are still a little tentative. It takes a long time before you can see the side of a person they don't want you to see. You don't really know a person until you are around them when they're not getting their way and aren't happy. Tell him you're taking your time.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sierralyn20 said:


> Update: Things are progressing very well...he's attentive, communicates well, and generally seems like a kind honest man. The kissing has improved and we're having a great intimate relationship. We're both busy, and see each other twice a week. After our last physical encounter, I sort of threw him out because I had a busy evening.
> 
> He texted later to say he's not looking for "booty calls" but wants a serious relationship. Music to my ears, to be honest.
> 
> I'm a little hesitant because he seems too good to be true. I'd hate to be disappointed and I feel safer holding back.


Sounds positive. Take it day at a time but he may just be a decent guy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sierralyn20 said:


> Update: Things are progressing very well...he's attentive, communicates well, and generally seems like a kind honest man. The kissing has improved and we're having a great intimate relationship. We're both busy, and see each other twice a week. *After our last physical encounter, I sort of threw him out because I had a busy evening.*
> 
> He texted later to say he's not looking for "booty calls" but wants a serious relationship. Music to my ears, to be honest.
> 
> I'm a little hesitant because he seems too good to be true. I'd hate to be disappointed and I feel safer holding back.


Glad things are going well, but as a man—— what you did there would have really bothered me—- if I was seriously into you. I’d not try that maneuver again if you’re really into him.
You can bet that hurt him. I know women would villify a man who did that……

no huge deal to me, just sayin. Glad you got the kissing thing fixed. I think that’s saying a lot that he took direction. Most men are very eager learners and want to please our lady that we are smitten with.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

If this isn't proof that you can't please a a woman.........I mean, dude is hitting all the marks, including accepting that you send him home with blue balls, and yet......his kissing is not perfect. Jezus........

I have serious concern for this dude as being a beta. No way I am waiting 2mo for action.


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