# Tormented



## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

I am still tormented by the situation that forced me to admit that I am a sex and love addict. I haven't acted out on this, but I feel an unresolved conflict, and would like to hear some perspectives on how crazy this is and whether I should listen to my heart, or be afraid of it.

Long story short, I fell in love with a woman I met online, who turned out to be married, which she lied about, who weeks later texted me that she was in a hotel waiting for me when she wasn't there (but she said it was her husband that did that), and then, after she said her husband was in jail and everything seemed to be getting better for us again, posted a picture of herself that I was able to prove wasn't her. I suspect that all the pics I ever saw of her weren't really her. At that point, I was getting so crazy and paranoid over the lies that I abruptly cut off contact with her and got into recovery.

Now, a little over two months later, still thinking back over everything, I think she was scared, trying to protect herself and me, and manipulating the truth to try to keep a chance for us to work rather than just being honest and risking me not wanting her. I don't think anything was malicious, just bad judgment under difficult circumstances.

With this basic summary, leaving out a lot of details, is this conceivably normal behavior in a woman who is under a tremendous amount of stress, but who has fallen in love? Or am I being foolishly romantic to think this way? Might it be worth a second chance?

I don't trust myself to know what's right or wrong, which is why I have been afraid of trying to contact her. I don't even know if I could find her, if I wanted to. This may haunt me the rest of my life. My counselor told me I would be "in trouble" if I talked to her again, which I take to mean would be a step away from my recovery. But, I'm not sure I trust my counselor on this...he hasn't been interested in hearing my feelings or any details about this relationship at all. He totally dismissed it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The internet is full of fake people. You got duped...and probably not even by a woman.

Be careful on the internet...


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

It was definitely a woman. We talked on the phone quite a bit.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Your counselor is probably interested in helping you and your sex/love addiction. Part of that is by you not contacting this woman again. You don't need to be involved with anyone right now, you need to concentrate on getting yourself better, so in the future you can have more healthy stable relationships.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

that_girl said:


> The internet is full of fake people. You got duped...and probably not even by a woman.
> 
> Be careful on the internet...


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

PFTGuy said:


> I am still tormented by the situation that forced me to admit that I am a sex and love addict. I haven't acted out on this, but I feel an unresolved conflict, and would like to hear some perspectives on how crazy this is and whether I should listen to my heart, or be afraid of it.
> 
> Long story short, I fell in love with a woman I met online, who turned out to be married, which she lied about, who weeks later texted me that she was in a hotel waiting for me when she wasn't there (but she said it was her husband that did that), and then, after she said her husband was in jail and everything seemed to be getting better for us again, posted a picture of herself that I was able to prove wasn't her. I suspect that all the pics I ever saw of her weren't really her. At that point, I was getting so crazy and paranoid over the lies that I abruptly cut off contact with her and got into recovery.
> 
> ...



Can you honestly say that you know anything about this woman? How can you take the word of a woman that has repeatedly lied to you, over your counselor? This does not make any sense.
It seems you are in a very vulnerable situation. Whoever has been talking to you, has been playing with you big time! BE CAREFUL!!

ps- I met my husband online.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Is your counselor a CSAT? Because if they aren't, they can do more harm than good with someone who is a sex addict. Please have a look at the links in my sig.


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

I appreciate that feedback, I think that's what I need to hear. It's a very difficult thing to confront, and carry with you every day, this feeling of being fundamentally flawed. I've had it all my adult life, and tried to repress it, but now it's a full force wrecking ball in my life. 

Thanks to all for the responses.



Jamison said:


> Your counselor is probably interested in helping you and your sex/love addiction. Part of that is by you not contacting this woman again. You don't need to be involved with anyone right now, you need to concentrate on getting yourself better, so in the future you can have more healthy stable relationships.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

NOT Normal...sorry....too many crazies out there...I'm sorry you are hung up on her....I get the feeling, without anymore back story..that she has ALOT of lying issues, among other things..


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## Benevolence (Oct 8, 2012)

She may be addicted to love, lets categorize it as attention just to be on the safe side; just as much as you are. 

In any case she was not honest, may not even know how to be. There are people that absolutely cannot tell the truth.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

Move on and join a singles site, with people that ARE really single and are able to prove who they are.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Her behavior is very shady. If I were you, I would not continue talking to this woman. You might be intoxicated and infatuated with her, but it's going to be a huge step backwards in your recovery to go down that path and given what you have described, it would be for someone who isn't worth it and isn't really invested in you.


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