# Sexless honeymoon



## Michaelduncan (Oct 4, 2017)

As I lay here on my honeymoon I can't help but feel deeply saddened and upset about the sexlife that me and my new wife have (or don't have).
We had a crappy attempt at it on our wedding night, which didn't end in a result. After 10 minutes of rubbish sex we went to sleep with no result (that was the first time in over a year she had agreed to sex).
She's promised it many times in the past but always breaks her promises.
The sense of rejection I constantly feel is unlike anything I have ever felt before; it would crush even the hardest of souls.
I love spending time with her and she's a good person. The first year of our relationship started off ok and we were averaging sex once a month (still a piss-poor effort on her behalf but if that's all she could give then I was happy).
Year 2 we only had sex twice. 
Year 3 was our previously mentioned one time on our wedding night (last week) and I'm thinking it's going to be a lot like the second year.
I have never suffered from any mental illness in the past but I honestly think I'm depressed about it. I'm always tired, I get upset easily and that sense of rejection has destroyed me


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

You married someone who is either asexual, has a low drive, or isn't sexually attracted to you. The sex was non-existent before the marriage and you went ahead with the marriage. Why? Why did you marry knowing you aren't sexually compatible? If sex is important to you then you're going to have to choose between staying married or divorcing and seeking a new mate with a compatible sex drive.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You married this woman???? This must be what you wanted. To expect any different would be foolish. So ya, you got what would be expected. 100% on you. Congratulations. 


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Why did you date her for years and ultimately marry her when she is so crappy in bed? 

Why did she marry you since she is so obviously not attracted to you?

This will be a very sexless marriage. 

If you are catholic, I would seriously look into getting this 'marriage' annulled.


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## Michaelduncan (Oct 4, 2017)

Everything else in the relationship is great.
The only thing I'm depressed about is our sex life. She's caring, she's supportive, we do everything together and I love spending time with her.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Michaelduncan said:


> Everything else in the relationship is great.
> The only thing I'm depressed about is our sex life. She's caring, she's supportive, we do everything together and I love spending time with her.


How old are y'all? Same culture?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sex is supposed to be a most natural part of any marriage or a committed relationship. 

Having said that, it is a more than realistic expectation from either party.

It's ultimatum time: Either your W willingly and enthusiastically attends marriage counseling and/or sexual therapy with you ~ or you go to the courthouse and immediately file for the annulment on the grounds of alienation of affection!

You deserve far, far better out of a marriage!*


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Michaelduncan said:


> Everything else in the relationship is great.
> The only thing I'm depressed about is our sex life. She's caring, she's supportive, we do everything together and I love spending time with her.


What you describe isn't a romantic relationship, it's a friendship. If you can be content with platonic companionship until one of you dies, stay the course. If not, you need to file for a divorce and move on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She didn't fool you. You fooled yourself. 
It's almost unbelievable that you married her. It must be love. But you're in a sexless relationship with her forever. Don't kid yourself about it.

It's a sad story. Nobody is perfect. Sounds like a great relationship other than sexuality.
But that is really important for bonding and health.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Michaelduncan said:


> Everything else in the relationship is great.



That simply isn’t true. I’ve heard sexless people say this but I’ve never ever seen it stand up to any scrutiny. I guarantee it’s not all great. If it was she’d be ****ing your brains out. She’s a newlywed after all. 



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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You brought a bill of goods.....you either accept her or move on.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Michaelduncan : It's gonna get worse for you. Why did you marry her? She promised over and over again - more sex, especially the wedding night?!

I think she already put your balls in a box and you don't know where she is hiding the key. Gotta break the box open Michaelduncan and annul the marriage. Screw the embarrassment. She conned you and you blinded yourself.

Does she even masterbate? (If NO = asexual / if YES = she's playing you for some reason and has or will have sex with OTHER PEOPLE and laughing at you)

So imagine... you'll get set with her every 2-3 years. And if you put a baby in her, then you'll never ever EVER E-V-E-R have sex with her again.

I'm in my late 40s, wife is mid-30s. She still pays with my manly parts (even if we don't have sex) and I play with hers. We avg. 2 times a week due to work. (Not enough IMHO).
How old are you? 20? 25? 
Were you a virgin before you had sex with your wife?

Seriously, its EASY to make friends with other women and NOT have sex with them... It won't be a farce that is your marriage.

Things you need to to:
1 - Break your balls out of that box.
2 - Go to the gym and start building up. ITs good for your brain too.
3 - Don't even TRY to have sex with your wife.
4 - Talk to a lawyer *THIS WEEK* and plan on filing for annulment or divorce within 10 days.
5 - DO NOT EVER attempt to have sex with your wife! You risk getting her pregnant and then you are stuck with her for 18 years of even less sex now.
6 - Do NOT tell your wife what you are doing. If you do. She will likely start being sexy and have sex with you. Why? (A) to not get divorced which would look bad. (B) to get pregnant before you get the foot out the door. 

There is NO point in trying to fix this situation. Really. This problem should have been tackled 1~2 years ago. Therapy for both of you. 

When you have the paper work done and she is about to be served in the next day or so. Tell her "This isn't working out for me. I need a whole wife. Body, mind and soul. Our marriage is offically over. I love you, but this isn't what I signed up for. Hopefully you can find someone else who wants a sexless marriage - you are great otherwise. Lets do this quickly and without pain. bye bye." Have your suit-case ready and walk out the door.

Go to a strip joint and have fun. Stay at a friends or relative's place.
*DO NOT* return to the home to sleep or socialize. Just get the rest of your stuff and have 2-3 friends to help you and too keep your pants on. (Otherwise, 95% chance she will rip your pants off to get your to stay).

*DO NOT* ever have sex with her again. She's had 3 years to WANT YOU. TO get wet for you. Any sex now is for intrapment by baby. Seriously, dude - look this up!
https://www.google.com/search?q=wom.......0...1.1.64.psy-ab..0.0.0....0.fIz5mxfgnIo

When the marriage is over. Move on. Do not be friends with her. Post one thing about it on FB "Sorry, our marriage wasn't going to work out. It was better for us to go our own ways now. I wish her well in life and in health. It was not an easy thing for me to do, but it is for the best." - blah.

Meet new women, find someone who wants you.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

You have these options:

1 - Live with sex 0~2 times a year. Seriously, you're talking about 2~3 minutes and when you are done, she is done. You'll likely divorce her in 5~20 years of hell. And kick yourself in the ass for wasting your youth.
2 - End the marriage NOW. Talk to a lawyer before this weekend. Tommorrow. Many are available to talk to you after normal business hours.
3 - Offer to be in an open marriage if YOU MUST stay with her. IE: You keep her as a wife... but you go get laid by other women, even a girlfriend. If she allows this, you'll likely fall in love with another woman 1~3 years from now and divorce your wife anyway... as a cheater.

There are no other options.

*4 - You wish upon a star and her sex drive expodes into action and she screws your brains out 5 times a week for the rest of your life...

*0.001% chance that would happen.

PS: There is a member here, I think in his late 50s... in a sexless marriage. If I remember right - years since his last time. Yet he has the money and health to end the marriage and meet someone new.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Michaelduncan said:


> Everything else in the relationship is great.
> The only thing I'm depressed about is our sex life. She's caring, she's supportive, we do everything together and I love spending time with her.


By sex I am going to assume you mean PIV (penis in vagina). What about the frequency of other sexual things such as kissing, hugging, and the various forms of arousing activities that do not include penetration? 

If you indeed have gone a year without any form of "shared" arousing interaction/communication between the two of you, I have no advice. But if the two of you actually engage in things arousing together but she just has an aversion to penetration, then there could be a lot of things going on:



 she is experiencing pain
 she has been taught sexual disgust for her own body by someone
 she is afraid of getting pregnant
 she could be a victim of abuse
 the list goes on and on

So if the two of you are sexually playful but just never have sex, then you need to see a therapist and/or a doctor to try and work out what is going on and better understand one another before giving up on things as others will suggest.

Regards,
Badsanta


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TaDor said:


> Tell her "This isn't working out for me. I need a whole wife. Body, mind and soul. Our marriage is offically over. *I love you, but this isn't what I signed up for.* Hopefully you can find someone else who wants a sexless marriage - you are great otherwise. Lets do this quickly and without pain. bye bye."


Actually, this is exactly what he signed up for. 

They have always been sexless. He says they had sex about once a _month_ in the beginning, which meets the clinical definition of sexlessness, and during the year leading up to the wedding they had no sex at all. He deliberately chose to marry a woman who wasn't having sex with him. This isn't some bait and switch. He knew going in.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Get out now. May seem harsh and trivializes divorce, your feelings for her, your marriage vows, etc.

But in the experience of this group, there is only a vanishingly small chance that you will ever have a satisfying sex life with a woman who had little or no sex on honeymoon and during first year of marriage. And there is a very large chance that remaining in a sexless marriage will destroy your self-esteem, motivation to achieve in life, and in the end your very soul. You are living in a horror movie. You just can't see it because you have not read the rest of the script yet.

You may think this is a unique experience that could end in any one of a number of ways. Sorry, but it isn't. It is common. And it almost always ends the same way. The higher drive person is miserable until they wake up and realize they have to leave to save their sanity. So let those of us who have seen this play out over and over again save you much time and heartache. Get out now.


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## RandomDude2 (Sep 12, 2017)

3 ways this could go down:

1 - Stay in a virtually sexless marriage
2 - Divorce now!
3 - Stay under conditions

Option 1 - It might sound doable right now, but trust us, it is not sustainable long term. You will slowly wither away to a shell of your former self. Don't do that to yourself! 

Option 2 - Definitely a possibility. You might feel like you have a lot invested in this relationship and the cost to walk away is high. But it will only get higher and more costly. You can cut your losses relatively easily compared to 5 years from now. 

Option 3 - If you really think that all the rest of the relationship is really that awesome and worth the fight, you might consider giving it one more shot. But be honest with yourself about what you want and how far you are willing to go. Know that this is the last ditch effort and be willing to call it over if it doesn't work. Know that your relationship is a dead man walking. That will give you the perspective you need to talk openly about this with your new spouse. Tell her about how important sex is in your marriage and that it is a deal breaker. Tell her that you want her to like and even love sex with you. Tell her that you don't want her to just have sex to keep you around - duty sex. Tell her that the only way this will ever work is if she can develop her own sexuality and have a healthy relationship with her sexuality. Find a great sex therapist and tell her that you want to start working on this together, NOW. Tell her she can pick out a sex therapist that she feel comfortable with, but that it needs to happen in the next 30 days (or some other length of time that you choose). This is a problem that she has with herself, not with you. IMHO She has something holding her back from letting that part of herself out. She needs to want to develop that part of herself. Until she does, you two will never have anything but accommodation sex - and that is not fulfilling in the long term. Be her partner in this and help her confront herself. It will be hard for her and very uncomfortable requiring her to push herself hard - So don't let her duck out on it. Help her stay focused on the goal of greater and deeper intimacy in your relationship.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

What country did you buy her from?

Sounds like yet another fool being taken in by a green card scammer in a foreign country.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

As you know, sex is likely to be at its best and most frequent around when you get married. Since she has always had low desire, I see no reason to think that this will ever get better. 

I made a similar, if less severe (we had sex once on our honeymoon). mistake when I got married. I hoped things would improve. They didn't. From other discussions, they very rarely do.

Its your choice, but make it with open eyes. If you decide to stay married, assume that this is the best your sex life will ever be. If you cannot be happy like that get annulled / divorced.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Michaelduncan said:


> Everything else in the relationship is great.
> The only thing I'm depressed about is our sex life. She's caring, she's supportive, we do everything together and I love spending time with her.


Here is the thing. You have a sexual drive. She can do something about this and only she has any responsibility to help you with this. 

It is a big emotional need that you are getting depressed about.

So, is she being supportive by actually doing it?

If the roles were reversed, you would not think it OK. 

Clearly, there might be a lot more to it. Someone asked if you were Catholic previously, if so and you were married in a Catholic Church, there would have been a pre-Canna to address and prevent this type of issue.

We are assuming that you have expressed to her your needs and try to be considerate of her needs?

If so, @RandomDude2 seem to offer great advice.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What country did you buy her from?
> 
> Sounds like yet another fool being taken in by a green card scammer in a foreign country.


You are in a foul mood today. Come back to the keyboard when you are less angry.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't see anything that was posted that points in that direction. 



She'sStillGotIt said:


> What country did you buy her from?
> 
> Sounds like yet another fool being taken in by a green card scammer in a foreign country.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Really shouldn't have married her. Bad on you but you need to run mate!!!

Just be friends. This will destroy you or turn you into a eunuch!


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Some of us refuse to see red flags or concerns before we get married. You wouldn't be the first person who thought "I'll just stick it out because I know it will change". From my own personal experience and others I've read about, your chances are not good in having a fulfilling sex life with her in the future. 

Do you have children? If "no", do not have any till this situation is ironed out! 

If you do have children it's up to you what you decide to do.

Good luck.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I mean this with all the kindness in the world, but the problem is with you, not her. She's fine and happy in a non-sexual relationship, you're not. You should have ended this relationship a long time ago.

There's no way that she's so awesome that it's worth you giving up your sex life. There are plenty of other women who are just as awesome and will eagerly want sex with you. 

I think the problem is that you think of yourself as not worthy and, therefore, have to stick with what you can get. Take hold of your life and turn yourself around. For your own sake, annul this marriage and move on. There's virtually no chance this relationship will be healthy for you.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

My advice is R U N away, NOW.

Talk to a lawyer *THIS WEEK* and plan on filing for annulment or divorce within 10 days.

DO NOT EVER attempt to have sex with your wife! You risk getting her pregnant and then you are stuck with her for 18 years of even less sex now.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Michaelduncan said:


> Everything else in the relationship is great.
> The only thing I'm depressed about is our sex life. She's caring, she's supportive, we do everything together and I love spending time with her.


But that's a HUGE thing in a relationship. One of the biggest and one that trumps many other parts of your relationship.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If you want regular sex then why did you marry a woman who has no interest in sex? You made that choice and now you complain about it. Its not like she hid it from you.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Michaelduncan said:


> Everything else in the relationship is great.
> The only thing I'm depressed about is our sex life. She's caring, she's supportive, we do everything together and I love spending time with her.


The resentment from no sex eventually will poison the rest of the relationship no matter how 'great' you think it is.

Your marriage ain't that special. You're not unique.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You married your bestfriend.....she is not your lover...just a great friend. You need to go your seperate ways and find someone who wants to **** you every chance she gets. 

This is supposed to be the time when you are going at it like bunnies. Read up on those threads with sexless marriage...this is you ....and will be you in the future.

Good luck .


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

My honeymoon was just about sexless BUT didn't mind because all that wedding planning took a tool. Both of us were tired!! We had a very healthy sex life dating. Now after 17 years of marriage it is non-existent! I thought he was gay, too much porn but really he is A-sexual.. Just not that into it. I can't believe you married her with very little sex in the dating years.. You can try a sex therapist to see if that helps. If not, then you need to figure out if this is what you want in your marriage. You may just get the marriage annulled or join the priesthood.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Michaelduncan said:


> As I lay here on my honeymoon I can't help but feel deeply saddened and upset about the sexlife that me and my new wife have (or don't have).
> We had a crappy attempt at it on our wedding night, which didn't end in a result. After 10 minutes of rubbish sex we went to sleep with no result (that was the first time in over a year she had agreed to sex).
> She's promised it many times in the past but always breaks her promises.
> The sense of rejection I constantly feel is unlike anything I have ever felt before; it would crush even the hardest of souls.
> ...


*
*

You need to check with a professional about that. Most people expect to have sex in marriage. Most people don't marry a roommate. Good, God, man, check for a pulse.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It's obvious when you don't get sex on your wedding night, how much your feelings mean to her. Even the meanest asexual woman would give sex on that night. 
But you knew What you were getting and still did it. 
Now unhappy about it . Mindboggling


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I can tell you this from experience: You need to resolve this now. This problem will only get worse. If there is no resolution, I encourage you to divorce before you have children or get more financially entangled with your wife. 

I, too, had a sexless honeymoon. I was one of those "nice guys" who accommodated his wife's religious beliefs. Our first time was supposed to be our wedding night. She told me I was the one responsible for bringing the condom. I was really looking forward to it. Imagine my surprise when she told me she was "too tired." It hurt that she didn't have the same interest level I did. But I sort of brushed it aside. No biggee--we have a whole lifetime to make love. 

I tried again two nights later and was physically pushed away at the critical moment. At this point I was really hurt. But the "nice guy" in me told me I had to be patient with the love of my life. I needed to nurture and protect her. In fact, the kinder I was to her, the more fully she would give herself to me, I reasoned. I decided I would stop pushing and instead wait for her to let me know when she was ready. The honeymoon on a tropical island passed with no sex. My honeymoon was nothing more than two buddies going on vacation together. Affection and cuddling stopped because of the frustration it might lead to. 

But certainly she'd come to me at some point, right? She desired me after all, right? I mean, we were _married_ for Christ's sake. That day finally came 5 years later when her parents finally put enough pressure on her to make a grandchild. It was wonderful, but we conceived a grandchild within a week. I foolishly thought it was the beginning of our honeymoon. Five years late, but I was happy to finally have it happen. But you know what happened after that? The next time I initiated, she laid there like she was dead. That hurt more than the rejections from the first days of our marriage. From that point I couldn't get myself to initiate.

To make a long story short, our problem is resolved now, many, many years too late. One day I poured my soul out to her one day and she finally realized the extent of the harm she did. I told her that I didn't even want sex anymore; I just wanted to know the reasons why she had no passion for me. She decided to work on it from that point onward. But the damage she did is irreparable and I've told her as much. I will never trust her. Our relationship will never be as close as it should be. Don't let it get to that point.

It's ironic, because I remember our conference with the priest just before our wedding. He had a checklist of church policy items that he had to go through with us as a requirement for marriage. He mentioned the possibility of annulment and gave "non-consummation" as one of the valid reasons for which the church would grant an annulment. We all chuckled at this old-fashioned rule. 

I can honestly tell you that if I could now travel back in time, I would have marched my wife down to the parish office within that first year of marriage and requested that annulment. I'm not sure what the result would have been, but at least I would have been able to make clear to my wife the severity of the problem. Instead I let it fester for years, hoping it would get magically better somehow. It didn't. The lack of intimacy ate away at my soul and sense of self-worth. Every day it got worse--I felt more hurt and more resentful. Not only was I undesirable to my wife, I wasn't even worth an attempt to pacify me or support my dying ego. I was _that_ loser who was uninteresting _even to his own wife_. As I write this, I feel the lump forming in my throat. That's the damage that will never fully heal. 

Resolve this problem NOW, or you'll end up doing permanent damage to your marriage. If you cannot resolve it, then move on and find a woman who will give you the intimacy you need.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I can tell you this from experience: You need to resolve this now. This problem will only get worse. If there is no resolution, I encourage you to divorce before you have children or get more financially entangled with your wife.
> 
> I, too, had a sexless honeymoon. I was one of those "nice guys" who accommodated his wife's religious beliefs. Our first time was supposed to be our wedding night. She told me I was the one responsible for bringing the condom. I was really looking forward to it. Imagine my surprise when she told me she was "too tired." It hurt that she didn't have the same interest level I did. But I sort of brushed it aside. No biggee--we have a whole lifetime to make love.
> 
> ...


Sir, you really have some serious stay-power.
Just wanted to say that's pretty cool of you to share this with this unknown person. I hope he listens well.

I agree with you. The lack of passion or physical intimacy from his own wife will undoubtedly turn him into an empty shell of a man. 

Op, u know it will hurt you to lose this woman as your friend, but the thing to do here is divorce and save yourself from a lifetime of disappointment.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Actually, this is exactly what he signed up for.
> 
> They have always been sexless. He says they had sex about once a _month_ in the beginning, which meets the clinical definition of sexlessness, and during the year leading up to the wedding they had no sex at all. He deliberately chose to marry a woman who wasn't having sex with him. This isn't some bait and switch. He knew going in.


Yes, to a degree - HE DID sign up for it.

But... "She's promised it many times in the past but always breaks her promises."

Seems that she told the OP that once they get married, she will provide more sex... I think he OP is very young and naive. A friend of mine married the first woman who had sex with him (about 22yrs old) - Myself and other friends KNEW he would do that and were concerned. "He's in love". A year later, same young friend tells me "she can F-up a wet dream" while were having a guy's day out. Not good. Also, she had oddly asked me to come over to their home while he was not home. I did not do that. But it was still ODD. Nothing proven. The marriage lasted about 3 years before he got his balls back.

He thought his relationship was NORMAL. It never was. She bait-and-switched that it would get better. It did not.
The night I proposed to my wife - we had sex 5~6 times (about 6 hours combined). We had sex almost daily or every time we meet up for the our first 6 months or so.

OP... needs to find someone else... he's wasting his time. I hope he gives us his age.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I can tell you this from experience: You need to resolve this now. This problem will only get worse. If there is no resolution, I encourage you to divorce before you have children or get more financially entangled with your wife.
> 
> I, too, had a sexless honeymoon. I was one of those "nice guys" who accommodated his wife's religious beliefs. Our first time was supposed to be our wedding night. ~ The honeymoon on a tropical island passed with no sex. My honeymoon was nothing more than two buddies going on vacation together. Affection and cuddling stopped because of the frustration it might lead to.
> That day finally came 5 years later when her parents finally put enough pressure on her to make a grandchild. It was wonderful, but we conceived a grandchild within a week. I foolishly thought it was the beginning of our honeymoon. Five years late, but I was happy to finally have it happen. But you know what happened after that? The next time I initiated, she laid there like she was dead.


Wow. It's too bad you did NOT have friends or internet strangers back then to help you Tatsuhiko. If you had vented back then, weeks or months after the wedding - you would have left. Your wife ONLY had sex with you because her parents demanded grandchildren. yikes! So in reality, she didn't even want to have kids. I don't know your story - but I'm sure many of us would have told you to leave her. NMMNG. Five long years for a young man.

@Michaelduncan : See why we are telling you that YOU are wasting your time, your life? 
Read this thread - married for 11 years, things started OUT good, but went down hill. She doesn't even want to KISS him: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/396434-sex-life-wife-pretty-bad-i-dont-know-what-do.html

You're starting out well below standard with your marriage... its downhill from here. You have Tatsuhiko and others telling you that your marriage is a SHAM and the chances for change on her part is pretty much nil. She didn't have the desire for sex before - what would really make it happen now? Maybe with 3 years or so of no sex with therapy - you'll get sex once every few months.

Again - there is a REASON why I am telling you to NOT ATTEMPT to have sex with her, especially AFTER you tell her that you are going to annul the marriage. Its easier to do IT NOW, then a week from now or a month from now. If she knows she's gonna lose YOU - she WILL JUMP your bone every night for the next 2~3 weeks until she gets pregnant. Then guess what.
Her vagina is closed to you... most likely, FOREVER! And you're stuck raising a kid or child support for the next 18 years with a woman you'll never have sex with.

I'll have more sex with my wife this month than you had in the past 2 years... and we're older and been together for almost 7 years.

Dump her.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Once again, I am compelled to post Holdingontoit's Two Rules for mismatched libidos:

1. Do not get married while you are mismatched. It isn't fair to either of you.
2. Do NOT have kids while you are mismatched. It isn't fair to the kids.

You are fortunate to have violated only Rule #1. There is still time to divorce before you violate Rule #2. I can assure you that the penalty for violating Rule #2 is far higher. Be smart and get out now.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What country did you buy her from?
> 
> Sounds like yet another fool being taken in by a green card scammer in a foreign country.


That's below you. All the men on this forum who are in nearly sexless marriages are married to foreign women? He had dated her for more than two years, so it doesn't really matter which racial group she belongs to.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> That's below you. All the men on this forum who are in nearly sexless marriages are married to foreign women? He had dated her for more than two years, so it doesn't really matter which racial group she belongs to.


That's just catty jealousy from a woman whose seen men go for the more attractive, younger women that impoverished countries have to offer. If anything, women from these traditional cultures are even more inclined to make their husbands happy, and thankful for the opportunity to do so.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Tatsuhiko said:


> That's just catty jealousy from a woman whose seen men go for the more attractive, younger women that impoverished countries have to offer. If anything, women from these traditional cultures are even more inclined to make their husbands happy, and thankful for the opportunity to do so.


To be fair, I've seen bad spouses in every country I've associated with. Some stereotypes die hard. For example, there's a white guy who married a lady from Shanghai. People whispered that she may be using him for his money. In reality, she was more highly educated and had a higher salary and 20X more savings that he did. Her siblings also studied hard, then worked hard and all own condos that are valued at more than two million USD. 

As for me, twenty years ago, when walking around Shanghai, people assumed that I must be rich. Today, people assume that I'm not as rich as they are.


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Michaelduncan said:


> As I lay here on my honeymoon I can't help but feel deeply saddened and upset about the sexlife that me and my new wife have (or don't have).
> We had a crappy attempt at it on our wedding night, which didn't end in a result. After 10 minutes of rubbish sex we went to sleep with no result (that was the first time in over a year she had agreed to sex).
> She's promised it many times in the past but always breaks her promises.
> The sense of rejection I constantly feel is unlike anything I have ever felt before; it would crush even the hardest of souls.
> ...




Staying in this marriage does throw a bit of doubt on you not having a mental defect. You ever hear the saying "Life is short" Well life is short, why would you stay with this person? Have the marriage annulled 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

I think you are in denial that everything else is great in your marriage. Lack of sex between newlyweds is not really the norm...there is some other dynamic in play here.

You must be pretty LD to exist on the futile amount of sex before you got married...that should have waved some red flags at you right there.

But if you like just being friends living together or like brother and sister.....then yes I guess in your eyes it does work.

MC that specializes in sex therapy would be a good place to start.....if she refuses.....you can either live with the lack of sex...which you don’t like, or you wouldn’t be on this forum or you can take matters in your own hands by getting counselling for yourself and see if she jumps on board.

This isn’t a healthy marriage....I’m sure you know that already.

Maybe your wife has some health issues or is on medication that renders her low/ no desire....look into that too.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

Sex twice in a year and you moved forward and married this woman? You didn't see this as a red flag? You must have very low self-esteem to accept that. I would divorce her or see if I could get the marriage annulled. It will not get better from marriage.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I'm sorry that you're going through this @Michaelduncan, but cannot for the life of me figure out why you married someone that you already knew you were sexually incompatible with. I did the same thing, although we were much more sexually compatible when we were dating. Sex eventually tapered off and became "duty sex", and now we're on the road to divorce. I'm not divorcing him JUST because the sex was awful, but that was definitely a consideration. Life's too short, and it sounds like you're going to have to make a hard decision about your future. Are you OK with things the way they are? Are you guys open to trying an open marriage, which opens up it's own can of worms? Are you both willing to try counselling?


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