# OW still trying to contact my H!



## BetrayedChris (Nov 24, 2009)

My H has not had any contact with the OW since she called to tell me of their affair.I know this because he has been completley honest with me about everything.She sent him 2 emails over the course of 3 mos. but he has showed me them.He also recommited himself to saving this marriage.She called him 2 nights ago.But she claims it was accidental.I may even believe her.I sent her an email and I told her to stay out of our lives.She sent me and email back and basically let me have it.Everything she said was true.That my marriage was in trouble before she came along.She also told me that my H would be long gone had it not been for our son.I didnt want to let her know, but that is the truth.I really want to save my marriage, but I feel like I am living a lie.I mean my husband told me months before I found out about the affair that he wasnt in love with me.But now he is?Is it because he got caught.

Everything has been going well.We have been going out more, having sex and doing things with family and friends, but how do I know if he means it or he is just trying to save face?He has been divorced before.A part of me thiks that he just wants to stay because he doesnt want to pay up.he has alot at stake.Part of me loves him, but theres a part that wants to "win".And not let the OW.I sometimes wonder if he would still be with her had she not called.Am I normal for feeling this way?


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

You are SO SO SO normal. I hate it when my friends try to comfort me by saying, "...and he loves the kids..." as if his staying with ME = family (not me the individual). 

And the winning part. That's normal too. It takes a long time to figure out why the heck you're staying. In fact, I've decided not to decide. I'm not putting that pressure on myself. 

Don't judge yourself or your situation yet. Take it bit by bit. Read LOVE BUSTERS and help see where you and your H can improve your relationship. Eventually it will move from being anything about her, to more about how he could do that, to eventually just thinking about the here and now. (I still waffle between the last two.)

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are not alone.


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## BetrayedChris (Nov 24, 2009)

I really wonder how his feelings can change like that.We werent having sex until she blew his cover.He was moody all the time and he carried on with her for a year! She claims that they were in "love" and he told me that he only told her that he loved her because he felt bad.He really has been doing cartwheels trying to save this.As am I. But this woman said some stuff that I cannot ignore.


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

Your H is a liar. Cheaters are liars. I would take his words with a grain of salt. Its his actions that will tell you whether he is being truthful. Personally I would assume that she's right. Sorry, I clearly have trust issues as well. 

However, she also only heard what she wanted to here. Your H and this person are probably both in selective memory mode. 

Did your H's first marriage break due to any kind of infidelity?


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## BetrayedChris (Nov 24, 2009)

Here goes: My husbands first W was the W of one of his co workers.And she cheated on her H to be with my now H.He did cheat on her while they were on vacation once.But ultimatley their marriage ended due to her cheating with her first H.Can you keep up with that? My head spun just typing it.LOL


His actions are showing me that he is being truthful.He lets me know when she calls, if he spoke to her, he showed me emails. and so on.


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

IDK...
He shows a history of lying and cheating and some will tell you that its part of his character.
A wise guest star dropped a few powerful posts here once that rocked me. She was a D-attorney and was straight up.
Her description fit my H's personality perfectly, and she basically said the best I could do was "keep him out of the cafe." 
In other words, he has more than once - and in all cases they kind of present themselves to him at the right moment. If I can keep our relationship in a good place and keep him out of the cafe where an offering at the right momement might be made, then I could have a great marriage. 
Great. All on my plate to keep him out of reach. Oh well. I'm still configuring that one.
Not sure if this is helpful. Perspective... ?


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## BetrayedChris (Nov 24, 2009)

I am not sure of my H is a compulsive cheater.yes that situation with his first W was based on cheating everywhere. We were dating for a few months when I got pregnant.I stumbled on some texts and emails froma former g/f that he had and they were planning on meeting to have sex.He did tell me that if he and this woman were single at the same time, that it would mean trouble and that he would be with her in a moment.

I eventually threatend to move away with our baby before he was born and I basically forced his hand.We got married when I was 7 months pregnant bought a house when the baby was 3 months old and the rest is history.

He met this skank when we were married for a year and a half and they had about a year long affair.We have only been married for 2 1/2 years. We were in counseling before and we are in it again.
h


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you have a keylogger installed on his computer? Do you check his phone records? Do you occasionally check his car to see if he has a throwaway phone? For someone dealing with a multiple cheater, you seem remarkably naive to believe he is 'clean' - after a YEAR with this woman - just because he showed you two emails. 

Heck, if I was him, I'd have her mail him twice on the 'regular' email he has just so he can show you and throw you off the scent of his 'real' email address that she uses.

If you aren't checking EVERYTHING, you are being a fool.


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