# An update



## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

My wife and I are two months post D-Day (details here) with our marriage anniversary looming. I wasn't sure about what to do about it a couple of weeks ago, but we had a talk and are choosing to not acknowlege it. There's no real point of celebrating a marriage when there has been infidelity (an EA on my part). 

We are, however, going to take a day trip to New York on that day together. Originally, my wife was going to go alone, but told me this morning that she doesn't feel comfortable navigating the city alone and wanted to know if I wanted to go with her, giving me the choice to decline, if I didn't want to go. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go because I felt that she didn't want me around-that was my interpretation of her wanting to go alone in the first place. I was having doubts about going with her if she didn't really *want* me to. I have decided to go because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable getting around. Plus, it could wind up being a good day. We're planning on splitting up for a couple of hours, then meeting up for lunch, then go somewhere together, like we used to. 

I stongly considered not going because I know that she is still very angy with me (and will probably be so for a long time to come, should we remain together). However, I thought differently because we have been making tiny steps forward lately and it could be interesting to see what happens. The day is going to be heavy because of it's significance and the problems we have now. I have no illusions about where we are as a couple and am not expecting ANYTHING more than this being a day out together. We'll see what happens.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In my case, me and my wife didn't look at our anny. as a celebration of a problematic marrage, but a reason to reconnect and acknowlodge a new marriage. 
After 20 years a marriage we celebrated you 1st anny. of our second marriage, if you get my meaning.

Point is, take the day to reconnect as two new and diffent people, working on a healthier marriage.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

the guy said:


> In my case, me and my wife didn't look at our anny. as a celebration of a problematic marrage, but a reason to reconnect and acknowlodge a new marriage.
> After 20 years a marriage we celebrated you 1st anny. of our second marriage, if you get my meaning.
> 
> Point is, take the day to reconnect as two new and diffent people, working on a healthier marriage.


Thanks, I'm trying to look at it as a chance to reconnect as we are now almost practically strangers in a lot of ways.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I'm curious -- how did this go?


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Me too, I have one of those coming up on Sep 18th. Right now, I'm thinking about doing something special but not mentioning the marrage.....just to make the day about something else. Heck I really have no clue. It's gonna be a rough day on me no matter what.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

2xloser said:


> I'm curious -- how did this go?


It hasn't happened yet. Sept. 7th is the date.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

it-guy said:


> Me too, I have one of those coming up on Sep 18th. Right now, I'm thinking about doing something special but not mentioning the marrage.....just to make the day about something else. Heck I really have no clue. It's gonna be a rough day on me no matter what.


Honestly, I'm not looking forward to dealing with the emotions that I know will come up. Other than that, I love going to New York and if my wife and I can have a good day together, it will be a start.


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## 20PlusYears (May 22, 2011)

Hi TM,

I believe that you're doing the right thing by going. Although she might not have wanted you to go initially, I believe that her position has soften enough that she truly wants you to go, if only subconsciously. I'm sure your not her only option to help her navigate around New York. If she didn't want you to go, she would find another way without your help.

She came to you because she wants you there. I hope that you two will use this day to strength your marriage.

Good Luck!


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

20PlusYears said:


> Hi TM,
> 
> I believe that you're doing the right thing by going. Although she might not have wanted you to go initially, I believe that her position has soften enough that she truly wants you to go, if only subconsciously. I'm sure your not her only option to help her navigate around New York. If she didn't want you to go, she would find another way without your help.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I've been feeling better about going recently. Still a little nervous, but I think that it will be fine.


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## Cypress (May 26, 2011)

tm,

Be her guide and protector in NYC. Be her knight let her be the princess. Tell her beforehand that the trip is for fun, not for rehashing existing relationship issues. Avoid checking your relationship status the whole trip. She will feel less stressed and you will too.

Cypress


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Cypress said:


> tm,
> 
> Be her guide and protector in NYC. Be her knight let her be the princess. Tell her beforehand that the trip is for fun, not for rehashing existing relationship issues. Avoid checking your relationship status the whole trip. She will feel less stressed and you will too.
> 
> Cypress


I'm planning this just being a (hopfully) fun day trip together, that's about all. Thanks for your thoughts.


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