# should I give my wife a hall pass



## needhelp27

My wife and I are having problems. she has told me she is not cut out for marriage and that she has been feeling like she wants something different. I think she is becoming attached to some one at work. Should I give her the chance to do the things she wants to with no consequences. like a hall pass for a week or longer. would this end are marriage or save it.


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## soundofthesphere

when you say a 'hall pass' do you mean the opportunity for her to do whatever she wants sexually with another man for a period of time, or a 'trial separation?'

i think it is impossible to separate the sexual from the emotional... if you give her a 'hall pass' per se, you have to be prepared for an emotional bond to form with whomever she 'passes'...


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## CH

Give her a divorce and send her on her way. Or are you willing to give her a hall pass once a year, then twice a year, then 3 times, then 4 times that eventually turns into an open bar tab hall pass.

Having sex with other people to try and fix a marriage = the end of a marriage anyways, so just file for divorce and move on.


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## seeking sanity

You know that's the wrong question. The right question is what are you willing to do to save the marriage. If you're willing to do a lot, the first thing I would do is take an extremely hard line. As in, "Hey babe, it seems like you feel you are missing something. If you want to be with another man, be my guest. Just understand that if you do then we are done and you are out of my life. Period. Do you want me to help you pack your bags right now."

I know this is harsh. But cheaters need a clear understanding of consequences to counter the crazy brain chemestry that is telling them, "it's okay, you deserve to be happy."


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## DanF

Only give he a hall pass if you like the fact that her vagina will become someone else's hall.


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## Oregondaddy

seeking sanity said:


> You know that's the wrong question. The right question is what are you willing to do to save the marriage. If you're willing to do a lot, the first thing I would do is take an extremely hard line. As in, "Hey babe, it seems like you feel you are missing something. If you want to be with another man, be my guest. Just understand that if you do then we are done and you are out of my life. Period. Do you want me to help you pack your bags right now."
> 
> I know this is harsh. But cheaters need a clear understanding of consequences to counter the crazy brain chemestry that is telling them, "it's okay, you deserve to be happy."


:iagree:
No more true words could be spoken. A hall pass to cheat? No way, no how. If you are SERIOUSLY considering a hall pass, then I would have to say go ahead and get a lawyer now, you'll need it


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## Thor

100% will end your marriage. Nuke her budding affair or call a divorce lawyer.


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## needhelp27

I think that she doesn't know what she wants. one day she is willing to work on are marriage and the next day she isn't. It's to much for me. If she takes the pass than I know it's over. we married young and had two kids. two years after we were married she started to become distant with me and the kids. I have quit my job to stay home with the kids since then things have just accelerated.


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## soundofthesphere

needhelp27 said:


> I think that she doesn't know want she wants. one day she is willing to work on are marriage and the next day she isn't. It's to much for me. If she takes the pass than I know it's over. we married young and had two kids. two years after we were married she started to become distant with me and the kids. I have quit my job to stay home with the kids since then things have just accelerated.


BOOK A THERAPIST NOW and take her along to it. if she is thinkign about this then clearly there are issues... you need to talk through them...

i wish i had enough courage to do that a long time ago.


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## KittyKat

seeking sanity said:


> You know that's the wrong question. The right question is what are you willing to do to save the marriage. If you're willing to do a lot, the first thing I would do is take an extremely hard line. As in, "Hey babe, it seems like you feel you are missing something. If you want to be with another man, be my guest. Just understand that if you do then we are done and you are out of my life. Period. Do you want me to help you pack your bags right now."
> 
> I know this is harsh. But cheaters need a clear understanding of consequences to counter the crazy brain chemestry that is telling them, "it's okay, you deserve to be happy."


:iagree::iagree:

Give her the opportunity to cheat once and she will think it's 'ok' to do so again in the future. Kick her ass to the curb.


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## needhelp27

I think you are all right in some way. If she uses the pass for sex then I know it's over


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## needhelp27

how do I nuke the affair


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## Stir Crazy

Is she a young student and you her teacher? If not, the title of "hall pass" seems grossly inappropriate. As if you feel you are in a position of authority over her.


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## the guy

Nuke the affair, by 1st getting the solid information that is undeniable,2nd confront her, 3rd if she chooses to be "undesided" then you expose the affair with the evidence. If she continues her affair then, 4th protect your self finacially and emotionaly (180 plan)

She is most likely heading to or is already in a affair and is trying to get rid of the guilt she has for WANTING this coworker. So keep it on the down low and do not appraoch her (she will lie) and quitely do your own (or hire a PI) investigation an how committed your W is to her vows.

Please do not let another male replace the you, the alpha male in your marriage. DO NOT GIVE HER A HALL PASS!


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## needhelp27

Stir Crazy said:


> Is she a young student and you her teacher? If not, the title of "hall pass" seems grossly inappropriate. As if you feel you are in a position of authority over her.


I know I am not in any position to tell her were to go or what to do. I have only suggested that she go stay with a friend or at a hotel until she can tell me what she wants. I am simply trying to give her a chance to see if a marriage and a family is where she wants to be.


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## the guy

Good job on letting her know that you are confident enough to let her go. You are right you can't control her but you can control what you will tolorate and you showed it well by asking her to leave.

In not doing this she would have seen that you are not strong enought to let her go. Now she can taste the reality of what it will be like when you are not around. So distance your self and do not make her behavior comfortable or convienent by being there ONLY WHEN SHE NEEDS YOU, she need to taste the reality of you not being there for her, or she will have her cake and eat it to.

Do not let her have her cake, but show her a reality of what it will be like if she continues this un healthy behavoir for the marriage.

Confidence will make her think twice in that you can move on with out her and there is a strong possiblity that you will not always be around if she continue to have this life style and behaviors.


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