# Suffering from PTSD 30 years after discovering husbands affair!



## Granny7 (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi To Everyone who doesn't want to be here,

I was a member many years ago and now have come back again. My husband had an affair during our 25 years of marriage, right before our 25th. Anniversary. I found out because the other women's husband mailed me a copy of the love letter/cards that he had sent her.

To say I was shocked, was an understandment. I loved him so much, thought we had a wonderful and happy marriage, only to find out that he had been seeing a co-worker for over 3 yrs. Even had us together at her home for a Christmas party, drinks together with other co-workers. I didn't see the signs as I totally trusted him. He was always home, but maybe a little later than usual, but in his job that wasn't unusual. Looking back on it after my discovery, I can not see some subtitle signs, but trust and love cause you not to pick up on those things.

I have struggled like you can't believe for the past 30 yrs. and tried to make it work and he has also, but in the beginning, counseling didn't do anything to help him see how back he had been. Even now, he thinks that it is ridiculous that I am still thinking about it and move on and quit ruining our life. We are both 75 and my health isn't good and hasn't been for a few yrs.

Anyway, we moved out of the city that we had lived in for 47 yrs. and started life over again in a city that is close to our other daughter. I thought we could start over and try and forget the past. I have tried, but I can't get her out of my mind and the things they did together. I don't feel anything for him anymore as hard as I try. I don't want him touching me, etc. Now I don't know what to do. We are in a new home, he loves it here, I'm in a state of depression, panic attacks and can hardly get out of the house. I have major health problems that require possible surgery and have affected my life greatly. I'm going to try and find a counselor tomorrow to talk to. Just remembered this group and need some advice. I have a granddaughter who is graduating from Med School in 6 weeks and getting married the week after that. I just want to go off and live by myself, but we just paid cash for this beautiful home in a retirement community and that would mean selling it and splitting things down the middle. So many questions, but I can't go on in this life of present much longer. Not sure if this is what ya'll said, when you said to introduce yourself, so sorry if I did it wrong. I just need help to get through this or to leave. Just don't know what else to do. Thanks for listening,
Maxine37
Was on here, I believe in 2011 for several years. I think my name then, was Granny7. It's a wonderful place to go when you need to vent or read other's stories and learn from them. Also try to help others on here.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

What made you decide not to divorce him for his adultry all those years ago?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Maxine37 said:


> Hi To Everyone who doesn't want to be here,
> 
> I was a member many years ago and now have come back again. My husband had an affair during our 25 years of marriage, right before our 25th. Anniversary. I found out because the other women's husband mailed me a copy of the love letter/cards that he had sent her.
> 
> ...


 @Maxine37

Granny7! Your'e back! :smthumbup:

It's sort of good to see you again, but well, you know what I mean. 

I think you might benefit from counselling for yourself.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You are in your 70s and it sounds like this happened 30 years ago. 

My suggestion: Forgive him. Really forgive - which means that you know he did something very wrong, but you love him anyway. Enjoy your life with him.

If you cannot do that - then divorce now and find happiness somewhere in the rest of your life. 

You only get one go at life- don't sped it unhappy if there is any way to avoid it. 

You are 75. Somewhere in the next 30 years, and maybe sooner one or both of you will become so ill that none of this will matter. Forgiving is as much for the person who forgives as for the person who is forgiven, maybe more so. 







Maxine37 said:


> Hi To Everyone who doesn't want to be here,
> 
> I was a member many years ago and now have come back again. My husband had an affair during our 25 years of marriage, right before our 25th. Anniversary. I found out because the other women's husband mailed me a copy of the love letter/cards that he had sent her.
> 
> ...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Granny, I remember you. I am sorry you are still struggling. You should have left him YEARS ago. Maybe you just need to try and live as separately as you possibly can. Is it possible once you recover from surgery that you could find a little place to live on your own? Honestly I dont see the point in a legal divorce at this stage of your life, but you could just be away from him.


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