# bisexual husband wants to peg



## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

Hello, I am new to this forum and really needed to find some advice. My husband and I have been married for 13 yrs and have 7 boys. I new before we were married about his past bisexual experiences but assumed that was just curiosity being young. 
However now he has brought up wanting to spice things up and me to peg and he be submissive. I was semi-ok with it. After we did try once I found that he had gone on dating sites and was chatting. He also looked at and ad for m4m and replied. He swears he did nothing and was just bored. What should I do or think? Is he still wanting to be with men again? I have tried to deal with it emotionally as best as I can but it just hits me out of the blue and smacks me in the face again, then I am back to being depressed. Can someone please tell me what I should do? Thanks


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What does "peg" mean?

If he's doing things behind your back like that, it's cheating.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I think pegging means you wear a strap on and have sex with him? If you knew he was bisexual before you married, then surely you knew even though you were his wife that just a woman probably couldn't be the only one to help satisfy him correct? He isn't going to change who he is just because he married you. Perhaps give the pegging a try, maybe it will satisfy him so he doesn't feel the need to step outside of the marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

justapril said:


> I found that he had gone on dating sites and was chatting. He also looked at and ad for m4m and replied.


This is cheating. 

And of couse he said "nothing happened."


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Well now. Thats plenty to think about.

Pegging... for those that think they want to know... 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_(sexual_practice))

Well - if you say you are semi-OK with it - how did it go? Looks like he didnt get his 'fill', as it were.

Have you tried to sit sit down and say ...looks... I am mostly OK with this pegging thing, but answering ads for m-to-m gay sex looks pretty much like cheating. You need to wonder about how many ads he answered that you didnt see.. and that he perhaps acted on. Im not buying the 'bored' thing, thats just a smokescreen.

Can you two talk about this somehow? You need to get an understanding about what is allowed and what isnt, and quick. If he has been 'dabbling'/cheating - you (both) should get tested for peace of mind. Soon.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

justapril said:


> Hello,
> However now he has brought up wanting to spice things up and me to peg and he be submissive. I was semi-ok with it. After we did try once I found that he had gone on dating sites and was chatting. He also looked at and ad for m4m and replied. He swears he did nothing and was just bored.


Even if he in fact did not cheat, he was looking to possibly do so. I doubt he was looking because he was bored. If he is bisexual, I do not think just you, his wife will be able to satisfy him. He has a need for both.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Seven kids? Is that a typo? 

If he's into guys, I doubt that getting nailed by his wife is going to satisfy his needs. He will probably continue with his net activities, but he'll be more careful now that you've confronted him. You need to think about your boundaries, and then lay them down in a conversation with him. One should be for him stop going to dating sites and having m4m chats.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I don't see any good ending to this one.....sorry


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

Thank you all.. yes 7 boys we have.. I don't buy the bordem reply a bit. I have had my suspicions about it for a while.. I have tried to cope but can't trust him at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If he isn't willing to stop, and you aren't willing to share him with men, then you need to divorce. What do you want??

You do understand he is cheating on you, right?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> If he isn't willing to stop, and you aren't willing to share him with men, then you need to divorce. What do you want??
> 
> You do understand he is cheating on you, right?


 Not sure if he is cheating but you might need to drive home that anything with "anyone" but you is cheating.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Hugs to you, this is difficult. I'd also be really unhappy with his reading and responding to dating ads. I hope you guys can work it out.


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

I was hoping to work through this.. one day I'm ok then the next I am back to constantly thinking about what I found and if he really did do things etc.. he and I both know there is a 0 trust factor with him. That alone is worrisome enough!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Sounds like he wants more gay activity. This activity is not fair to you (whether it is male or female).


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

justapril said:


> he and I both know there is a 0 trust factor with him. That alone is worrisome enough!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If that's the case, go get tested for STDs, and don't let him near you without protection. That may sound extreme, but he may have already hooked up with a guy or two.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Hey Justa,

I think it is time for another serious talk and lay everything out on the table. I think you have handled this incredibly well and I think you can build on the last serious conversation you had in a very positive way. 

I suggest you make him understand, that if he does not already understand, that there is a boundary that has been set (remind him if he does not get it) and that if he crosses it then it is a deal breaker. What you want from him is honesty and can he honestly tell you he will act with complete fidelity in regards to your relationship. Remind him that you are trusting him with your health and the future of his family. 

My sense it that you would be able to do this in a loving manner letting him know you are forgiving for the past indiscretion you discovered but that is where it ends. 

If he was bold enough to ask you if you would peg him then he should trust you enough to be vulnerable to the degree he can discuss entirely what is going on in his head now.


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> If that's the case, go get tested for STDs, and don't let him near you without protection. That may sound extreme, but he may have already hooked up with a guy or two.


we will.. thank you.. I didn't think I would have this much feedback. It is greatly appreciated!!:smthumbup:


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

If you had just said that your H suggested pegging, I would have defended him saying that it is not gay or bi at all and having your wife do it makes it just a spicy sex act. 

Prostate massage is supposed to give an incredible orgasm and I, for one, am dying to see how it feels. Pegging is kind of a hardcore way to get that done; most start out with something smaller like a finger. 

But because you said that he had bi experiences in the past and now is looking online for men, it appears that the pegging was an attempt to keep it in the house and get off on what really makes him tick.


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

Well.. we had a very looong talk last night. He said he will be totally honest. Told me certain things about his past I didn't know and said that all he wants is me. The chats online were just an impulse thing and a feeling of the "thrill of the hunt". Said he doesn't want to step out of the relationship or bring anyone in. Said he doesn't consider himself bisexual.. just sexual!!! Istill don't know what to think or how to take it?? He did say he is not oppose to sex with guy or girl but doesn't want anyone but me. I don't understand???:scratchhead:


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

justapril said:


> Well.. we had a very looong talk last night. He said he will be totally honest. Told me certain things about his past I didn't know and said that all he wants is me. The chats online were just an impulse thing and a feeling of the "thrill of the hunt". Said he doesn't want to step out of the relationship or bring anyone in. Said he doesn't consider himself bisexual.. just sexual!!! Istill don't know what to think or how to take it?? He did say he is not oppose to sex with guy or girl but doesn't want anyone but me. I don't understand???:scratchhead:


I call BS on it. I think he will continue to look for what it is he is looking for but just be better at hiding it. I'm not saying he doesn't love you or anything, I'm sure he does. BUT I think you can only give him but so much when it comes to sex. I think if he just wanted to peg that would be ok and cured his curiosity but I have a feeling thats not the case.


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

I have a feeling that is what it is. I will just have to keep a closer eye on him.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

justapril said:


> I have a feeling that is what it is. I will just have to keep a closer eye on him.


And sexually exhaust him. If he isn't getting it at home there are plenty of places (and people) he can get it outside the home.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

April,

Did you let him know that any kind of indiscretion will be a deal breaker? He needs to know. I am also of the opinion that he is still not being completely honest with you. 

I will even agree with the premise that he is just "sexual" but in my mind that does not change anything. I would ask him how you can incorporate those desires into your relationship without involving anyone else.


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

RClawson said:


> April,
> 
> Did you let him know that any kind of indiscretion will be a deal breaker? He needs to know. I am also of the opinion that he is still not being completely honest with you.
> 
> I will even agree with the premise that he is just "sexual" but in my mind that does not change anything. I would ask him how you can incorporate those desires into your relationship without involving anyone else.


I have asked him if he wanted another man or women and he said no and that I wouldn't be able to do that... but then he goes to say that don't you think it would be hot if you watched. So needless to say I am hopelessly confused and have cried for the last few day non stop questioning everything he states is true.. even is love for me!!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

justapril said:


> I have asked him if he wanted another man or women and he said no and that I wouldn't be able to do that... but then he goes to say that don't you think it would be hot if you watched. So needless to say I am hopelessly confused and have cried for the last few day non stop questioning everything he states is true.. even is love for me!!


THAT tells me he has cheated or is coming pretty darn close to cheating.  I'm so sorry.this must be so heartbreaking!


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> This is cheating.
> 
> And of couse he said "nothing happened."


LOL, he's a guy! Of course "nothing happened" lol. Believe me a strapon will not be enough. Soon he will want the real thing....hard warm and throbbing LOL. No I'm not gay but I'll like to assume thats what it's like. Watch out!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would not be able to stay in a marriage where I was lied to for years about something of this nature . he has cheated and hes trying to manipulate you into thinking is ok.

start an exit plan.....start researching what you need to do to insure your kids have a good home and mom who loves them when you get your ducks in a row kick his flaming a$$ to the curb and never look back.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

aston said:


> LOL, he's a guy! Of course "nothing happened" lol. Believe me a strapon will not be enough. Soon he will want the real thing....hard warm and throbbing LOL. No I'm not gay but I'll like to assume thats what it's like. Watch out!


are you sure your not gay


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

With 7 boys, I'm surprised he has time to get "bored". He's got too much time on his hands of he's "bored" and has time to chat with other men and answer ads. 

What kind of father is he? Does he spend time with the boys, both in and out of the house?

He's likely cheated already. I would go and get tested for STD's, and stay away from him sexually.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> are you sure your not gay


HAHA you got jokes lol. I'll assume thats what it's like that he'll be craving. THats where it starts, strapon, then gay porn, then crossdressing, then he shows up on Craigslist (if he hasn't been cruising yet)......just saying.


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## Risc (Nov 3, 2012)

aston said:


> HAHA you got jokes lol. I'll assume thats what it's like that he'll be craving. THats where it starts, strapon, then gay porn, then crossdressing, then he shows up on Craigslist (if he hasn't been cruising yet)......just saying.


Could it be he is just bored and wants more excitement.. strapping one on and pounding the hell out of him might just be the ticket. I personally have curiousities about men..and it is not because I dont love my wife.. she plays with my bottom when she is giving me a bj and it feels good so it is only natural to want to expand upon that.

Biggest think in my opinion is open dialogue.. stay involved daily .. if you want your marraige to last ..openess is the key in everything... having said that it is hard to tell your wife your curious about having a penis in your mouth. 

I dont agree with curiousity being cheating.. if that were the case we would all be cheaters. 

Physical action is cheating. 

My two cents ..take it as you will ..


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## hunkydorey (Nov 3, 2012)

OK I've been lurking for about a year and I just had to add my two cents. I am betting that he is bisexual and that he does in fact want to be involved with another man. He might not have the courage to openly state what he desires or he may have no trust that you will be understanding. There seems to be many issues regarding trust and I am willing to bet its not only due to this incident. As for his statement that he doesn't desire anyone else, I agree with other posters that he is likely not being honest about that. He is doing damage control.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*Sorry it sounds like your H is on the downlow. That he got married to cover up being gay. He is looking online for men to have sex with him.*


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## jacksparow1964 (Sep 28, 2012)

just be realistic , if a person attempt to do felony and never done it would he deserve a punishment ? all of boys have all kind of fantasies and with the presence of computers we attempt contacting others for the sake of satisfying the fantasy without really doing it ,,,,,,, he did not actually did it, so enjoy your family life and never listen to home wreckers most of our problems can be fixed the easy way ( a judge will never jail a man for just his fantasy of robbing a bank for example !!! )


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> *Sorry it sounds like your H is on the downlow. That he got married to cover up being gay. He is looking online for men to have sex with him.*


Thank you, Nuff said!:iagree:


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

hunkydorey said:


> OK I've been lurking for about a year and I just had to add my two cents. I am betting that he is bisexual and that he does in fact want to be involved with another man. He might not have the courage to openly state what he desires or he may have no trust that you will be understanding. There seems to be many issues regarding trust and I am willing to bet its not only due to this incident. As for his statement that he doesn't desire anyone else, I agree with other posters that he is likely not being honest about that. He is doing damage control.


:iagree:


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## ComplicatedIntanglements (Nov 2, 2012)

justapril said:


> Well.. we had a very looong talk last night. He said he will be totally honest. Told me certain things about his past I didn't know and said that all he wants is me. The chats online were just an impulse thing and a feeling of the "thrill of the hunt". Said he doesn't want to step out of the relationship or bring anyone in. Said he doesn't consider himself bisexual.. just sexual!!! Istill don't know what to think or how to take it?? He did say he is not oppose to sex with guy or girl but doesn't want anyone but me. I don't understand???:scratchhead:


From just another guy's point of view, I don't think this is a problem. Prostate massage is incredible and does not necessarily mean he is gay or bi. Many straight men engage in this activity. The fact that he shared this with you makes him EXTREMELY vulnerable. This is a taboo topic in our society so I would be very grateful that he was able to talk to you about it. On the subject of chats, he might have been doing that so you should set some boundaries there. I would not assume that he has been out with other people but I would think that getting tested is a reasonable idea. This is a tough topic but my initial thought is that if it feels good to him, he shouldn't hide the need.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

jacksparow1964 said:


> just be realistic , if a person attempt to do felony and never done it would he deserve a punishment ? all of boys have all kind of fantasies and with the presence of computers we attempt contacting others for the sake of satisfying the fantasy without really doing it ,,,,,,, he did not actually did it, so enjoy your family life and never listen to home wreckers most of our problems can be fixed the easy way ( a judge will never jail a man for just his fantasy of robbing a bank for example !!! )


*Please go back and read OPs post about her hubby. In the past her Hubby has had sex with men . This is not just a fantasy for hubby. Hubby is looking for more than just to chat. IMHO hubby is on the downlow.*


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

ComplicatedIntanglements said:


> From just another guy's point of view, I don't think this is a problem. Prostate massage is incredible and does not necessarily mean he is gay or bi. Many straight men engage in this activity. The fact that he shared this with you makes him EXTREMELY vulnerable. This is a taboo topic in our society so I would be very grateful that he was able to talk to you about it. On the subject of chats, he might have been doing that so you should set some boundaries there. I would not assume that he has been out with other people but I would think that getting tested is a reasonable idea. This is a tough topic but my initial thought is that if it feels good to him, he shouldn't hide the need.


*In the past hubby has had sex with men . So Hubby is bi-sexual or even gay (on the downlow).*


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Prostate massage, anal play and even pegging are only gay if its another guy doing it to you. If your wife is pleasuring you and herself and it is another sexual boundary you have crossed, what's wrong with that? 

If the OPs H has slept with men, then he is either bi or gay. Can't really fight that one too much. But a woman making a man feel good anally is a completely different scenario.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> If the OPs H has slept with men, then he is either bi or gay. Can't really fight that one too much. But a woman making a man feel good anally is a completely different scenario.


*The OP has already told us her hubby is bi-sexual . That hubby in the past has been with a man. The hubby is online looking at me where he can also chat. *


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## SeekingGuidance (Nov 5, 2012)

jacksparow1964 said:


> just be realistic , if a person attempt to do felony and never done it would he deserve a punishment ? all of boys have all kind of fantasies and with the presence of computers we attempt contacting others for the sake of satisfying the fantasy without really doing it ,,,,,,, he did not actually did it, so enjoy your family life and never listen to home wreckers most of our problems can be fixed the easy way ( a judge will never jail a man for just his fantasy of robbing a bank for example !!! )


The OP's husband isn't just "thinking" about robbing a bank... In his past he's robbed banks and said he was done robbing banks and now he's pondering it again.... so he was involved in gay activities before and said it was in his past... well... now he's expressing his curiousity in it again so she does have a valid reason to worry. 

I agree there is no wrong sex act when your with your spouse. It's personal and only between you two. As long as it doesn't involve anything illegal give it ago. Better you satisfy him than someone else. You DO need to stress that him looking at ads just "to see what's out there" is a no-no.


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## hrdhtnmn (Nov 4, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

Thanks all fr your comments.. however I have been hit with a new "issue" with him. He has confessed that since he was about 5 yrs old he has liked to dress in girls items. Came outto me about wanting to crossdress and feels like a woman but doesn't want to change parts just dress n act feminized.said it is not a gay thing that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and loves and wants only me and if I can't accept or I think it will ruin us he won't do it. Well I say I'm damned if I do damned if I don't. If I say I don't approve and he supresses will he go behind my back and do stuff and if I accept will in yr or 2 he look further I.e. male sex eetc. I'm am so devastated as not knowing where my life is headed. Betwenn my 7 sons him losing his job in sept and us being behing a month in bills and now crossdressing omg.. I have literally envisioned me hangingmyself or something else but can't bcuz of my kids.. he is going to see a therapist on Monday for all his issues while I my sit and wonder and stress and grow hate.. idk what to do or think any more .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

Sorry for typos I've thrown my ph a few times and keys don't work so hot unless I take time n press hard
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Oh, girl...I feel for you.
There is no easy road to take on this one.
I am worried about your boys seeing their father turn into a limp wrist, man lover. How will this affect their sexuality growing up?
Your boys need a masculine father figure to raise them properly. I fear his cross dressing activities will confuse and possibly ruin a few of your boys growing up.
I think you should do everything possible to rid this man from your life.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

OP,
Sorry to say but this is serious trouble. You can wait to see what comes out from his therapy sessions but I do not see a scenario where this plays out well. You need to begin considering alternatives to being with him.


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## Risc (Nov 3, 2012)

justapril said:


> Thanks all fr your comments.. however I have been hit with a new "issue" with him. He has confessed that since he was about 5 yrs old he has liked to dress in girls items. Came outto me about wanting to crossdress and feels like a woman but doesn't want to change parts just dress n act feminized.said it is not a gay thing that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and loves and wants only me and if I can't accept or I think it will ruin us he won't do it. Well I say I'm damned if I do damned if I don't. If I say I don't approve and he supresses will he go behind my back and do stuff and if I accept will in yr or 2 he look further I.e. male sex eetc. I'm am so devastated as not knowing where my life is headed. Betwenn my 7 sons him losing his job in sept and us being behing a month in bills and now crossdressing omg.. I have literally envisioned me hangingmyself or something else but can't bcuz of my kids.. he is going to see a therapist on Monday for all his issues while I my sit and wonder and stress and grow hate.. idk what to do or think any more .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it is time for you to click the pink link.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> Oh, girl...I feel for you.
> There is no easy road to take on this one.
> I am worried about your boys seeing their father turn into a limp wrist, man lover. How will this affect their sexuality growing up?
> Your boys need a masculine father figure to raise them properly. I fear his cross dressing activities will confuse and possibly ruin a few of your boys growing up.
> I think you should do everything possible to rid this man from your life.


He is their father. He is going to be in their life. Your comment about the boys needing a "masculine" father is ignorant and idiotic. And as far as how this will affect their own sexuality, the answer is that they will learn more about human sexuality at a younger age and will be better off for it.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> *The OP has already told us her hubby is bi-sexual . That hubby in the past has been with a man. The hubby is online looking at me where he can also chat. *


Having had sex with a man previously does not make him bisexual. Also, being bisexual does not mean he can't be in a monogamous relationship with a woman.


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

He says he is not attracted to the same sex.. he enjoys sex period. sex is sex. and he doesn't want to bring anyone in nor step out. After talking with him a little more tonight he says he is just going to drop it and not even do the cross thing and burn the panties and he isn't going to the therapist.. I was like ohhhh no. you are going to see him so we can figure this out. I have been through too much "cheating/sexual hell for you to just say never mind forget I brought it up and then me being the one to blame for suppressing it for another 20 years..when ever we talk or fight about his sexuality or transgressions it always seems to be me in the end not being compassionate enough toward him and his needs or compulsive behavior and or issues what ever you want to call it! He can't seem to grasp what he is has done to me emotionally and how i feel physically sick about all of this. I have tried to be accepting of his cross dressing wishes and gave him some of my panties to wear but something inside of me says in a year or so he will want more and aside from toys I can't give him the real thing .. even though now he says he is not into guys.. i'm a complete and utter mess.. and hate when my kids see me cry because i just cant control the emotion right now.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

justapril said:


> He says he is not attracted to the same sex.. he enjoys sex period. sex is sex. and he doesn't want to bring anyone in nor step out. After talking with him a little more tonight he says he is just going to drop it and not even do the cross thing and burn the panties and he isn't going to the therapist.. I was like ohhhh no. you are going to see him so we can figure this out. I have been through too much "cheating/sexual hell for you to just say never mind forget I brought it up and then me being the one to blame for suppressing it for another 20 years..when ever we talk or fight about his sexuality or transgressions it always seems to be me in the end not being compassionate enough toward him and his needs or compulsive behavior and or issues what ever you want to call it! He can't seem to grasp what he is has done to me emotionally and how i feel physically sick about all of this. I have tried to be accepting of his cross dressing wishes and gave him some of my panties to wear but something inside of me says in a year or so he will want more and aside from toys I can't give him the real thing .. even though now he says he is not into guys.. i'm a complete and utter mess.. and hate when my kids see me cry because i just cant control the emotion right now.


I think you are right to insist that he starts therapy immediately. But I also think you should trust your husband when he says he doesn't want to step out of the marriage, and also when he says that "sex is sex", even if you don't understand it yet. Trust, but verify. You should also try to understand that in sharing these things with you he is taking a huge risk and making himself very vulnerable.

I think a lot of what you are getting hear on TAM are knee jerk responses based on stereotypes and plain ignorance. I think if you go find a forum that deals with these issues specifically (cross-dressing, feminization, transexuality, etc..) you will find a lot of people in the exact same position as you who have been able to make adjustments and keep their families together.

It may turn out that all you have to do is let him dress up like a woman and bang him with a strap-on every now and then, it may not be your favorite thing but if it lets you keep your marriage together is that really so bad? He can do therapy for his repressed sexual feelings and learn how to keep them in balance with your needs. He gets free of the burden he's been carrying around since he was 5. Your family sticks together. Life goes on.

Don't lose hope.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

east2west said:


> He is their father. He is going to be in their life. Your comment about the boys needing a "masculine" father is ignorant and idiotic. And as far as how this will affect their own sexuality, the answer is that they will learn more about human sexuality at a younger age and will be better off for it.


I really don't think so. Even from reading NMMNG, it even touches on how life impacting your childhood years influence your adult behavior. If only having the mother role model in the family greatly affects one's behavior as an adult, then surly having a second feminine influence in the family, when it is supposed to be a masculine role model, is going to confuse and inadvertently affect those males when they become adults.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> I really don't think so. Even from reading NMMNG, it even touches on how life impacting your childhood years influence your adult behavior. If only having the mother role model in the family greatly affects one's behavior as an adult, then surly having a second feminine influence in the family, when it is supposed to be a masculine role model, is going to confuse and inadvertently affect those males when they become adults.


The OP has seven boys. There is not going to be any shortage of testosterone in the house. Furthermore, she never said that he intends to do the cross-dressing thing on a full-time basis. It can be confined to the bedroom or not pending consultation with a good sex therapist. Also there is a non-zero possibility that this is a hereditary thing, and its better that the kids learn than that there are healthy ways of handling it, so they don't wind up in the same position as their father, bottling up their feelings and sexuality for their entire lives.


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## justapril (Oct 9, 2012)

East2west I am starting to wonder if you are my husband.. you sound a lot alike  we had a long convo this morning about how I feel about what's happened. He completely understands how I feel and of course why I am reserved about the cross dressing. He said to save our marriage and work on us he will not even do the dress part. I insisted he still see the therapist though so he can work on himself and his issues if he wants thing to work for us. And btw this is not a behavor he presents in front of the kids. That was one of my rules when he first brought it up to me. He realizes (I hope) how I feel and what emotional stress he threw at me all at once and has agreed to work though this and maybe we both go together at times to see the therapist! Thank you all for the feedback 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsdelight (Apr 2, 2012)

I have a husband who has sexual interests that are also not what I would have ever imagined being a part of my sex life. I think you should definitely have some therapy for yourself- you're grieving over the loss of what you thought your marriage and sex life would be like, and you have the right to grieve that loss. It's hard and difficult and you may feel alone in that process but you're not. Ask your husband for time to process the addition of cross dressing into your thoughts and churn it over in your head to see if you can accept it. You might be surprised at what he could do and you still be attracted to him. 

this is all very disruptive- I get that. but allow yourself time to process and him time to also sort through his concerns. the browsing is unacceptable, but if you can agree on that then you can look at what's left and see what your husband feels like he NEEDS sexually versus wants. if he NEEDS a man, then you have problems. if he doesn't, then figure out how you can both be satisfied in your relationship. and if you both can't be, you need to figure out if you can be okay with that or if you need to leave.

give it time. it can get better.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

wiigirl said:


> Not sure if he is cheating but you might need to drive home that anything with "anyone" but you is cheating.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I know this is a serious subject but you just killed me with your choice of words Wiigirl! 

Drive it home!! to funny


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

east2west said:


> The OP has seven boys. There is not going to be any shortage of testosterone in the house. Furthermore, she never said that he intends to do the cross-dressing thing on a full-time basis. It can be confined to the bedroom or not pending consultation with a good sex therapist. Also there is a non-zero possibility that this is a hereditary thing, and its better that the kids learn than that there are healthy ways of handling it, so they don't wind up in the same position as their father, bottling up their feelings and sexuality for their entire lives.


Having grandchildren in a somewhat similar situation I see the confusion the children have. Learning of this now may not be age appropriate. 

She should be very careful how she proceeds with such!


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

east2west said:


> Having had sex with a man previously does not make him bisexual. Also, being bisexual does not mean he can't be in a monogamous relationship with a woman.



*
You need to change that man into men..more than one ..Now he wants to dress up in women clothes too. Look the OP said her husband is bisexual. Op has alot to deal with it . Hubby is looking at M on M chat site too. Just maybe her Hubby was abused as a child. I hope the MC will help them both.

Less see now 1 is sex with females and 1 sex with men = 2 meaning bi sexual...
Last time I checked 1+1=2




*


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

justapril said:


> He says he is not attracted to the same sex.. he enjoys sex period. sex is sex. and he doesn't want to bring anyone in nor step out. After talking with him a little more tonight he says he is just going to drop it and not even do the cross thing and burn the panties and he isn't going to the therapist.. I was like ohhhh no. you are going to see him so we can figure this out. I have been through too much "cheating/sexual hell for you to just say never mind forget I brought it up and then me being the one to blame for suppressing it for another 20 years..when ever we talk or fight about his sexuality or transgressions it always seems to be me in the end not being compassionate enough toward him and his needs or compulsive behavior and or issues what ever you want to call it! He can't seem to grasp what he is has done to me emotionally and how i feel physically sick about all of this. I have tried to be accepting of his cross dressing wishes and gave him some of my panties to wear but something inside of me says in a year or so he will want more and aside from toys I can't give him the real thing .. even though now he says he is not into guys.. i'm a complete and utter mess.. and hate when my kids see me cry because i just cant control the emotion right now.


*Just keep talking and listening* .


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