# The truth came out...now what?



## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

Well --- I admit when I am wrong....and wow, was I ever. I always said my H would never cheat it wasn't him....well I found out on the 5th that he was...since JUNE....all while stringing out marraige along...leaving me not only hurt by the cheating and lies but also feeling like a complete @$$ for working so hard to "fix" our marriage. 

Sadly, this wasn't just a fling....he loves this girl, she loves him....talking about having kids....he's never known unconditional love til her.....I could go on and on (BTW, I found his emails....this is how I found out...was registering for school, and his google mail account popped up....he didn't log out, and there it all was).

She is a co-worker. Also married. Also hadn't filed for D from her H. 

I actually met her H - we met. She's been stringing him along worse than my H has me. (supposedly anyway)

I filed for D. But now I am really struggling with the hurt....the rage has discipated...and the pain has set in. He is building a life with this girl - one that I fought 10 years to make with him.

My family, his family, and our friends are all really upset with my H, as they were lied to also, but they are nice to him -- that is also REALLY hard for me to deal with. 

I feel like he's won, I'm being punsihed, and I didn't do anything wrong. 

So -- what do I do now.....


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

1) copy those emails and send them to the owh. He deserves to know.

2) start separating finances and make an account of his affair expenses so you get that money back in the divorce

3) get a good lawyer
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

Almost - 

OWH and I met, talked for a few hours - he has known since AUGUST. 

I am in a NO FAULT state.....also my state is 50\50...so his affair means nada.

I do have a lawyer....mostly to just help with paperwork.

I am more so meaning the emotional end of things....money and things will fall into place eventually.....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

1. You are not stupid.
2. Your husband is a liar and a cheat. THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
3. Go back and reread your earlier posts about this and pick out the red flags so next time (whenever that is in whatever relationship) you won't double guess yourself. I think you knew something was up. He just go on anxiety meds (hello! He was crazy from the affair and you finding out!). He was out all night with the guys ("the guys" being this chick), he was hot and cold with you (makes it easier to justify his relationship if he can find fault with you).

You are not the bad guy. He won NOTHING. You are not being punished. You are being set free to find yourself and someone who will love you without all this crap.

So sorry you are going though this though  that's the hardest part.


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

He started the meds before she was working there. His attakc was in March...she didn't even start working there til April...things started June...emotional affair...FWB...to full blown.

My only consolation is that she is not attractive. I have my physical faults, however she's yucky. Joys of the internet and people who leave their social media profiles open to the public (her sister, NOT her)......... Also (and this is according to her H) - she's done this at her previous job. 

The hardest part is that I truly did trust him. As did everyone else who knew him. His brother and 2 friends knew the whole time. He lied so effortlessly to me. 

What I don't understand is why he didn't end things. I've read ALL of the emails and feelings were mutual to say the least with these two...why was I strung along? Anyone have any clue?


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Let the POS go on and live his crummy life with the trollop. They are both cheaters, and I guarantee one of them will cheat on the other within two-years of marriage. Your husband does not deserve you. 

Have you exposed the affair to family and friends so they know what a piece of work you dirtbag husband is?

Get back at him by showing him he means nothing to you, that he is beneath contempt. You are stronger than you think, you'll make it through this forge and come out stronger and happier in the end. 

I know re-marriage is probably the furthest idea from your mind, but there is a good man out there waiting for a good woman like you if you should ever decide to move back in that direction. After my divorce I was distraught. My ex-wife's infidelities made me feel like pond scum, but I kicked her to the curb and divorced her hard and fast, and I'm glad I did. Looking back I know I did it the right way. 

Take care of yourself, take care of your kids and let the scum STBXH slide down the slippery slope to his doom. Best of luck!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Jenna--I am sorry to hear you found out he was cheating for so long but definitely rest assured you can move on with this knowlege--he isn't who you thought.

If I wer eyou, I would contact her husband and let him know what you found. He has the right to know his wife has been cheating on him for so long. Do this w/o telling your husband or the OW.

From now on, only discuss the divorce and your children with your ex.

He hasn't won anything--move on w/ your life and be happy.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i agree, YOU ARE the winner here even though it doesnt feel like it.

she has done this before her husband said.
so how is he the winner when what he has is a chronic cheat who will most likely do it again to him.

did he go on meds before her because of possibly another affair that went bad?

as stated before, move forward. only talk about the children.

let him talk to your attorney about divorce issues. dont talk to him about ANYTHING else.
and dont let him bs you if things happen not to work out with her, which is most likely at some point.
dont let him convince you that any of it was your fault.
you may have had faults in the marriage, but nothing to do with the cheating was your fault.

good luck and keep as much distance between you and him at all times.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

You are not alone in any of this. He did not win and his losing is just beginning. Live your life for your and yours and let go of the past...we can not recapture it. He is not who he was when in fell in love with him. You are more than his cheating, low life two timing ho he is with and should put a crown on your head and walk aound with it...because you know the truth of what is...and what will be! Enjoy life and handle your business...you are the victor in this picture.


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

No children to discuss. I have no idea if he's done this before -- who's to know really -- I was the sole person at the end who kept saying he'd never cheat...and boy was I wrong. 

I guess I wish I didn't feel like he's won. 

The OW's husband knew in August when she fessed up....he had no idea who I was until he came across an email from my H to his W which had my first name in it....that wasn't until the end of December. 

I know I am better off, and I only pray that she cheats on him, or is as crazy as her H claimed......but right now I am still struggling with the hurt. I fought so hard to keep our marriage in tact while the whole time he was sleeping with someone else.....more so saying he was stupid for marrying me, and didn't know love until her. I know in my head these things are not true. And in reading the emails he said the same stuff to me, as he did her earlier on in our relationship....my heart though....it's not as black and white I'm afraid.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ew...his brothers and friends knew? What slimeballs they are too. Yuck.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

> I fought so hard to keep our marriage in tact while the whole time he was sleeping with someone else.....more so saying he was stupid for marrying me, and didn't know love until her. I know in my head these things are not true. And in reading the emails he said the same stuff to me, as he did her earlier on in our relationship....my heart though....it's not as black and white I'm afraid.


So he's a lier and a predator. Nice mix.  

Harden your heart and don't shed another tear. You will get through this.


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## Badsmit (Dec 29, 2011)

You are going through the emotional phase sorry it’s a just like his new girl a *****.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

that_girl said:


> 1. You are not stupid.
> 2. Your husband is a liar and a cheat. That is not your fault.
> 
> You are not being punished. You are being set free to find yourself and someone who will love you without all this crap.


^^^ this!!! ^^^


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Ew...his brothers and friends knew? What slimeballs they are too. Yuck.


The 'cheatees' are always the last to know, sadly!


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