# Dating profiles



## southbound

I's like to ask the ladies' opinions on something. I realize it will only be a "guess," I understand that, but I'm interested in opinions.

I'm in my 50s, and when I read women's dating profiles, it reads like I'm signing up for an adventure camp or they are trying out for an action movie. Everybody is looking for adventure. They love kayaking, travel, camping, hiking, beach, exploring, trying new things, etc. I'm starting to believe that listing kayaking is a requirement for having an account. 

My question is, do you think these are genuine profiles? I'm not saying they are necessarily creating a fake profile, but maybe they are just trying to not seem boring. Maybe they went kayaking once and liked it, so they put that as if it's their hobby? Does nobody have a job or everyday duties they have to perform anymore? Does nobody like watching Netflix and relaxing after a week's work?


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## Diana7

southbound said:


> I's like to ask the ladies' opinions on something. I realize it will only be a "guess," I understand that, but I'm interested in opinions.
> 
> I'm in my 50s, and when I read women's dating profiles, it reads like I'm signing up for an adventure camp or they are trying out for an action movie. Everybody is looking for adventure. They love kayaking, travel, camping, hiking, beach, exploring, trying new things, etc. I'm starting to believe that listing kayaking is a requirement for having an account.
> 
> My question is, do you think these are genuine profiles? I'm not saying they are necessarily creating a fake profile, but maybe they are just trying to not seem boring. Maybe they went kayaking once and liked it, so they put that as if it's their hobby? Does nobody have a job or everyday duties they have to perform anymore? Does nobody like watching Netflix and relaxing after a week's work?


I think that most people want others to think that they are exciting and adventurous. Maybe they think it will get them more attention. 
I would understand that more for youngsters in their 20's but going by the fact that you are in your 50's I am guessing you are looking at the profiles of women around your age or a bit younger so you would think most would be working with children etc so not have too much time or opportunity for all these exciting things. 😉


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## Prodigal

I rate a lot of the dating profiles right up there with The National Enquirer. Long ago, I embarked on a brief stint of OLD. Some of the guys looked a good 10 years older than their posted photo. Lots of downright weird dudes out there too.

Take the profiles with a grain of salt. If you decide to post your profile, be honest. What - NO ROCK CLIMBING!?!? No bungee jumping? No sky diving? Sounds like you've happened upon a rather boring bunch. And I doubt half of them even know what a kayak looks like.


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## TXTrini

southbound said:


> I's like to ask the ladies' opinions on something. I realize it will only be a "guess," I understand that, but I'm interested in opinions.
> 
> I'm in my 50s, and when I read women's dating profiles, it reads like I'm signing up for an adventure camp or they are trying out for an action movie. Everybody is looking for adventure. They love kayaking, travel, camping, hiking, beach, exploring, trying new things, etc. I'm starting to believe that listing kayaking is a requirement for having an account.
> 
> My question is, do you think these are genuine profiles? I'm not saying they are necessarily creating a fake profile, but maybe they are just trying to not seem boring. Maybe they went kayaking once and liked it, so they put that as if it's their hobby? Does nobody have a job or everyday duties they have to perform anymore? Does nobody like watching Netflix and relaxing after a week's work?


Welcome to Utopia, where everyone thinks they're the most fun person evaaah and want you to know it too! I know exactly how you feel! I felt like the odd duck posting my profile, b/c I admitted to being a homebody and LIKING it.

Either way, the options are:
1. They're genuine - call their bluff and ask them out on a kayak date (or at least a paddleboat in your city someplace)
2. Totally fake - they think that makes them sound interesting and want to stand out
3. Aspirational - it's something they always wanted to do and would appreciate doing it with a like-minded person. In that case, see 1.


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## manowar

Guy here. they are appealing to men who might have those hobbies or for 'active' guys. Women in that age group have to work a little harder than their younger sisters who can get away with posting a few pictures in minis w/ no profile. This is how it works: A woman while dating will become an NFL fan when dating guy A who loves the Broncos. She's a big Bronco fan and loves tailgating. even wears the jersey of her favorite player. They break up. She starts dating guy B who likes cars. Now she's going to car meets with Mr. B and boning up on high-end cars. Her love of the Broncos and tailgating no longer suits her current situation. if she marries guy B, her love of cars and car meets will likely fade over time and she'll go back to what she wants to do. 

If you have good pics brother, they won't care too much about rock-climbing. I guarantee you that.


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## Marc878

Use pics with a bag over your head. I hear chics dig mysterious guys.


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## TXTrini

manowar said:


> Guy here. they are appealing to men who might have those hobbies or for 'active' guys. Women in that age group have to work a little harder than their younger sisters who can get away with posting a few pictures in minis w/ no profile. This is how it works: A woman while dating will become an NFL fan when dating guy A who loves the Broncos. She's a big Bronco fan and loves tailgating. even wears the jersey of her favorite player. They break up. She starts dating guy B who likes cars. Now she's going to car meets with Mr. B and boning up on high-end cars. Her love of the Broncos and tailgating no longer suits her current situation. if she marries guy B, her love of cars and car meets will likely fade over time and she'll go back to what she wants to do.
> 
> If you have good pics brother, they won't care too much about rock-climbing. I guarantee you that.


Only foolish women do that, the facade always drops eventually. What a colossal waste of time!

There are so many Netflix and chill folks, don't give up hope, Southbound.

Btw, don't post all your pics with sunglasses, it looks douchey. A confident, genuine smile and kind eyes speak volumes! No **** smiles, please!








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## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> Welcome to Utopia, where everyone thinks they're the most fun person evaaah and want you to know it too! I know exactly how you feel! I felt like the odd duck posting my profile, b/c I admitted to being a homebody and LIKING it.


Any profiles that admit to 'I like being home in my comfy pajamas, binge-watching shows with wine and potato chips'?


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## joannacroc

I listed my genuine interests but as I quickly learned, a lot of men don't read text they just look at the photo - thank you for being the exception!

I guess I would ask them about frequency - are ALL their photos of them doing stuff like that? That could be something you bring up if you think they are attractive or you have something else in common. If they only go twice a year, maybe it's not a big deal, and something you could try with them?

Likewise, people who I met who said they liked running, sometimes were marathoners (which is WAY too much running for me) and some didn't actually like running, nor were they able to run. Stick to your genuine interests but be open to trying new things and sometimes opposites attract - maybe you can get them into chilling and watching tv after a day of kayaking?


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## Rowan

On average, men like to do things. They, on average, generally like to be outdoors doing fun stuff. So, women who are trying to appeal to the largest share of men - in hopes of finding one compatible guy among the many - will tend to emphasize things men like. That's true whether they're emphasizing big boobs and short skirts or enjoying being outdoors doing fun stuff.

Men do similar things - they highlight stuff about themselves that is going to appeal to the broadest swath of women. You really think dudes are including "attention span of a cocker-spaniel, prone to drunken all-nighters with my poker buddies, will never take you out on a date anywhere I have to wear a sport coat after the first year of our relationship, can't competently do my own laundry, favorite restaurant is Hooters," in their dating profiles? No. What they will say is "spontaneous, like to have a good time, sometimes like to dress up and go out with my lady, have a close relationship with my mom, like to just relax and be myself," because that's more likely to not scare off every decent woman who reads it.

OLD profiles are like real-estate ads. You just have to learn to read them with some comprehension of what the writer is trying to accomplish, and learn to ask questions about the details so you get a real picture of who that person is.

And, yes, as I've mentioned before on your other threads about his, I _still_ know lots of women in the 40+ category, including myself, who actually do kayak a lot, go on kayaking trips, own their own kayaks and kayak trailers, spend weekends kayaking, belong to kayaking groups/clubs, etc. It's a fairly big thing for a lot of middle-aged, and up, ladies in my area. So it's not like there are no kayaking women. The trick for you will be asking the right questions to find out if this is a serious hobby or just something they enjoy from time to time.

FWIW, OP, you've been obviously bothered by that kayaking thing for years. I know this because you've started more than one thread complaining about it. Maybe online dating just isn't for you?


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## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> I listed my genuine interests but as I quickly learned, a lot of men don't read text they just look at the photo - thank you for being the exception!
> 
> I guess I would ask them about frequency - are ALL their photos of them doing stuff like that? That could be something you bring up if you think they are attractive or you have something else in common. If they only go twice a year, maybe it's not a big deal, and something you could try with them?
> 
> Likewise, people who I met who said they liked running, sometimes were marathoners (which is WAY too much running for me) and some didn't actually like running, nor were they able to run. Stick to your genuine interests but be open to trying new things and sometimes opposites attract - maybe you can get them into chilling and watching tv after a day of kayaking?


You can tell the non-profile readers apart quite easily from the ones who take the time to see what you're about as a person. It's boring getting comments based on your outward appearance, profile-reading men stand out like beacons.

It really depends on what both parties are looking for, so think about what you want Southbound and dangle the right bait. I'm insanely curious, so I always asked why someone was interested and asked what of experience they were having on OLD. That made it easier to sift people who were just looking for hookups, from those looking for a genuine connection with a compatible person.



Rowan said:


> On average, men like to do things. They, on average, generally like to be outdoors doing fun stuff. So, women who are trying to appeal to the largest share of men - in hopes of finding one compatible guy among the many - will tend to emphasize things men like. That's true whether they're emphasizing big boobs and short skirts or enjoying being outdoors doing fun stuff.
> 
> Men do similar things - they highlight stuff about themselves that is going to appeal to the broadest swath of women. You really think dudes are including "attention span of a cocker-spaniel, prone to drunken all-nighters with my poker buddies, will never take you out on a date anywhere I have to wear a sport coat after the first year of our relationship, can't competently do my own laundry, favorite restaurant is Hooters," in their dating profiles? No. What they will say is "spontaneous, like to have a good time, sometimes like to dress up and go out with my lady, have a close relationship with my mom, like to just relax and be myself," because that's more likely to not scare off every decent woman who reads it.
> 
> OLD profiles are like real-estate ads. You just have to learn to read them with some comprehension of what the writer is trying to accomplish, and learn to ask questions about the details so you get a real picture of who that person is.
> 
> And, yes, as I've mentioned before on your other threads about his, I _still_ know lots of women in the 40+ category, including myself, who actually do kayak a lot, go on kayaking trips, own their own kayaks and kayak trailers, spend weekends kayaking, belong to kayaking groups/clubs, etc. It's a fairly big thing for a lot of middle-aged, and up, ladies in my area. So it's not like there are no kayaking women. The trick for you will be asking the right questions to find out if this is a serious hobby or just something they enjoy from time to time.
> 
> FWIW, OP, you've been obviously bothered by that kayaking thing for years. I know this because you've started more than one thread complaining about it. Maybe online dating just isn't for you?


I've never understood that though, lying on your profile to get a larger audience. What does that really accomplish? That's like lying on a resume to get a job you're completely incapable of doing, getting stressed out and rage quitting or getting fired. 

No wonder so many relationships are dead on arrival, ugh. Just be you man, it might take a while, but you'll meet someone who actually likes the person you ARE, not some "cool" dude she has to pretend to be "cool" to get.


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## Rowan

I'm a huge proponent of honesty. I was very honest on my online dating profiles. I want everyone to be very honest on theirs. Sadly, not enough people are completely honest. Hence my advice to view OLD profiles similarly to real-estate ads. You need to think about the person's aims and ask questions so you can tell if that person is outright lying, being completely honest, or maybe doing that 'slight massaging of the facts to make the best impression' thing people are notorious for. 

But, the OP has been on several times complaining about the apparently high number of women who like to kayak and wondering if there are no women who just want to stay home and watch tv. The problem is not that there are so many ladies who claim that they like to kayak. The real problem is that the OP wants a woman who is a homebody and is having trouble finding one. Kayaking is just the trigger point for him that he seems to get hung up on. In reality, he needs to filter better and eliminate the women who claim to be too active for him. Or he needs to ask lots of questions to see if the women he's matching with online are actually to active for him or just trying to make a good impression as an active person in order to attract the most men. Or, maybe he just needs to find a nice lady at the local library or at church or through mutual friends, and stay away from all the overly-active women on the OLD sites.


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## TXTrini

Rowan said:


> I'm a huge proponent of honesty. I was very honest on my online dating profiles. I want everyone to be very honest on theirs. Sadly, not enough people are completely honest. Hence my advice to view OLD profiles similarly to real-estate ads. You need to think about the person's aims and ask questions so you can tell if that person is outright lying, being completely honest, or maybe doing that 'slight massaging of the facts to make the best impression' thing people are notorious for.
> 
> But, the OP has been on several times complaining about the apparently high number of women who like to kayak and wondering if there are no women who just want to stay home and watch tv. The problem is not that there are so many ladies who claim that they like to kayak. The real problem is that the OP wants a woman who is a homebody and is having trouble finding one. Kayaking is just the trigger point for him that he seems to get hung up on. In reality, he needs to filter better and eliminate the women who claim to be too active for him. Or he needs to ask lots of questions to see if the women he's matching with online are actually to active for him or just trying to make a good impression as an active person in order to attract the most men. Or, maybe he just needs to find a nice lady at the local library or at church or through mutual friends, and stay away from all the overly-active women on the OLD sites.


You make great points. Expecting reciprocated honesty is one of my biggest failings, that is why I understand his frustration. Who wants a liar anyway? If you can lie about things that don't matter, what else can you lie about? Hard pass. 

I hope you see the irony of meeting a fellow homebody in person


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## Al_Bundy

There used be a joke about the ones who said they love travel and fine dining. It was they left off part of the sentence. They will travel and eat at fine restaurants but only when someone else pays.


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## Diana7

Even if people do things like kayaking, the vast majority of their time will still be spent doing every day things. 
No one can be out doing active stuff all the time.


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## southbound

Thanks for the responses. I assumed there was a certain amount of build up to the profiles.


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## southbound

heartsbeating said:


> Any profiles that admit to 'I like being home in my comfy pajamas, binge-watching shows with wine and potato chips'?


Not really. Everyone is “ready for adventure” and “loves the outdoors.” It’s like we have to go on a safari on the first date. Lol


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## heartsbeating

southbound said:


> Not really. Everyone is “ready for adventure” and “loves the outdoors.” It’s like we have to go on a safari on the first date. Lol


How is the dating scene going for you - profile descriptions aside?


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## Livvie

southbound said:


> Not really. Everyone is “ready for adventure” and “loves the outdoors.” It’s like we have to go on a safari on the first date. Lol


The only people I know who live that kind of life for real are retired, long time couples who have amassed some wealth.

Everyone else is working 40+ hours a week, and weeknights coming home to dinner prep, dishes, maybe time for either: some exercise or a hobby or meeting a friend, a few times a week. 

Weekends you have to do laundry, grocery shop, clean the house, yard work, errands, bills. Unless you have _staff_ to grocery shop, cook, do dishes, do your yardwork, take care of all of your finances, and clean your bathroom and house...a part of every weekend is going to be spent taking care of those things. Unless you live in squalor, wear dirty clothes and underwear, have an empty fridge and an overgrown lawn.

Of course!! people also make time for sports and exercise, friends, hobbies, fun activities...but if you work full time and are an average single person, and aren't a superhuman energy wise, your life isn't 7 days a week of constant kayaking, hiking, travelling, and adventure.

Sometimes you really do need to sit on the couch and watch some Netflix.


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## Chaotic

Diana7 said:


> Even if people do things like kayaking, the vast majority of their time will still be spent doing every day things.
> No one can be out doing active stuff all the time.


FWIW, I met my boyfriend while doing online dating. We actually do both hike, kayak and rock climb, and have done those things together and had a lot of fun. But we are also in our mid-40s and the vast majority of our time together is spent doing much more normal things. I think of OLD profiles as coming attractions--they show off the absolute most exciting parts of the movie, but most people realize there's going to be a lot of mundane stuff mixed in because, as stated above, no one can be out doing all that active stuff all the time, especially when you're over 30 or so 😄


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## southbound

Livvie said:


> The only people I know who live that kind of life for real are retired, long time couples who have amassed some wealth.
> 
> Everyone else is working 40+ hours a week, and weeknights coming home to dinner prep, dishes, maybe time for either: some exercise or a hobby or meeting a friend, a few times a week.
> 
> Weekends you have to do laundry, grocery shop, clean the house, yard work, errands, bills. Unless you have _staff_ to grocery shop, cook, do dishes, do your yardwork, take care of all of your finances, and clean your bathroom and house...a part of every weekend is going to be spent taking care of those things. Unless you live in squalor, wear dirty clothes and underwear, have an empty fridge and an overgrown lawn.
> 
> Of course!! people also make time for sports and exercise, friends, hobbies, fun activities...but if you work full time and are an average single person, and aren't a superhuman energy wise, your life isn't 7 days a week of constant kayaking, hiking, travelling, and adventure.
> 
> Sometimes you really do need to sit on the couch and watch some Netflix.


Those were my thoughts too.


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## southbound

Oh, and one that may be even more prevalent than kayaking is “the beach.” Every woman is a “beach bum” and has pics of her on the beach. Due to my location, the women I see are hundreds of miles from the beach. How could that be such a common thing. What is so fascinating about the beach?


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## ccpowerslave

southbound said:


> Oh, and one that may be even more prevalent than kayaking is “the beach.” Every woman is a “beach bum” and has pics of her on the beach. Due to my location, the women I see are hundreds of miles from the beach. How could that be such a common thing. What is so fascinating about the beach?


I love the beach. I like surfing and just being in the ocean. I like running on the sand. I like the basketball courts, skate parks, and exercise areas there. I like fire pits!

Beach picture for me would generate interest as long as it’s not fake.


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## Livvie

ccpowerslave said:


> I love the beach. I like surfing and just being in the ocean. I like running on the sand. I like the basketball courts, skate parks, and exercise areas there. I like fire pits!
> 
> Beach picture for me would generate interest as long as it’s not fake.


Yeah but he says his location is hundreds of miles from any beach. So the only way that women get to a beach is by travel. But since most of them are so into travel and do it so frequently, I guess distance isn't a problem!🙂


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## ccpowerslave

Livvie said:


> Yeah but he says his location is hundreds of miles from any beach. So the only way that women get to a beach is by travel. But since most of them are so into travel and do it so frequently, I guess distance isn't a problem!🙂


Beach = fun!


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## Al_Bundy

ccpowerslave said:


> Beach = fun!


I don't disagree, but would it not also be a case of lazy writing. That's like saying you enjoy breathing clean air.
_
"Oh I Iove the beach, good food and I love spending time with family and friends"_

Congrats, that literally said absolutely nothing.


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## southbound

Al_Bundy said:


> I don't disagree, but would it not also be a case of lazy writing. That's like saying you enjoy breathing clean air.
> 
> _"Oh I Iove the beach, good food and I love spending time with family and friends"_
> 
> Congrats, that literally said absolutely nothing.


I agree with that too. A lot also say, “I love to laugh.” Well, who doesn’t like to laugh when something is funny. Why is that worth mentioning. I did t realize laughing was so rare that one had to list it as a like. It’s similar to when women list characteristics they like in a man. It’s things like, intelligent conversation, sense of humor, blah, blah. That says nothing to me.


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## rockon

ccpowerslave said:


> Beach = fun!


Fun yes, but never get "intimate" on a beach, you will regret it every time.


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## Livvie

rockon said:


> Fun yes, but never get "intimate" on a beach, you will regret it every time.


Well, disagree. You just have to learn how to safely deal with sand.


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## Girl_power

I think some women genuinely do these things on their days off, and some have done them and wouldn’t mind doing them again. I think what’s more telling is if all their pictures are of hiking, or of crazy adventures.


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## Rowan

Al_Bundy said:


> I don't disagree, but would it not also be a case of lazy writing. That's like saying you enjoy breathing clean air.
> 
> _"Oh I Iove the beach, good food and I love spending time with family and friends"_
> 
> Congrats, that literally said absolutely nothing.





southbound said:


> I agree with that too. A lot also say, “I love to laugh.” Well, who doesn’t like to laugh when something is funny. Why is that worth mentioning. I did t realize laughing was so rare that one had to list it as a like. It’s similar to when women list characteristics they like in a man. It’s things like, intelligent conversation, sense of humor, blah, blah. That says nothing to me.



I think you gentlemen are seriously underestimating the suck that was a lot of women's (and men's, I must also assume) prior relationships. There is actually, _far_ too often, a real need to clearly state that you are looking for a relationship that involves fun, quality time, family, laughter, intelligent conversation, etc.. 

Many people in the OLD world are coming out of marriages or LTRs where those things were in very short supply, and are only interested in new relationships with people who also value - and are willing to reciprocally provide - those things. They're literally just looking for a partner who _likes_ them an will have _fun_ with them - like they had when they were dating their previous partners but which seemed to evaporate once the rings were exchanged and they suddenly found themselves shoe-horned into the role of provider-man or wife-appliance. 

It's not at all uncommon for men's dating profiles to also say they're looking for intelligent conversation, a sense of humor, someone who likes to have fun and likes to spend time with family and friends. I always interpreted that, I think correctly, to mean "if you're going to get your ass on your shoulders and pout like a 3 year old every time I want to have dinner with friends, go see a dumb movie, try rollerblading for the first time, or spend an afternoon playing with the kids/grands, then I'm not your guy." It means the same thing when women post it. It means that person is not looking for a repeat of their prior partner's humorless, joyless, grumbling/pouting demeanor.


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## TXTrini

Rowan said:


> I think you gentlemen are seriously underestimating the suck that was a lot of women's (and men's, I must also assume) prior relationships. There is actually, _far_ too often, a real need to clearly state that you are looking for a relationship that involves fun, quality time, family, laughter, intelligent conversation, etc..
> 
> Many people in the OLD world are coming out of marriages or LTRs where those things were in very short supply, and are only interested in new relationships with people who also value - and are willing to reciprocally provide - those things. They're literally just looking for a partner who _likes_ them an will have _fun_ with them - like they had when they were dating their previous partners but which seemed to evaporate once the rings were exchanged and they suddenly found themselves shoe-horned into the role of provider-man or wife-appliance.
> 
> It's not at all uncommon for men's dating profiles to also say they're looking for intelligent conversation, a sense of humor, someone who likes to have fun and likes to spend time with family and friends. I always interpreted that, I think correctly, to mean "if you're going to get your ass on your shoulders and pout like a 3 year old every time I want to have dinner with friends, go see a dumb movie, try rollerblading for the first time, or spend an afternoon playing with the kids/grands, then I'm not your guy." It means the same thing when women post it. It means that person is not looking for a repeat of their prior partner's humorless, joyless, grumbling/pouting demeanor.


I get the essence of what you mean, Rowan, but it gets old to read generic profiles of lists of what people want without showing a glimmer of who that person is and what _they_ could offer as a potential partner.

It goes without saying that no one is looking for a repeat of their prior partner, I mean, they _are _single and looking! Why state the obvious? Besides, telling someone what you don't want ahead of time doesn't do much except warning them to be on their best behavior until they get what they want out of you.

Maybe I'm too analytical and suspicious


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## southbound

Rowan said:


> I think you gentlemen are seriously underestimating the suck that was a lot of women's (and men's, I must also assume) prior relationships. There is actually, _far_ too often, a real need to clearly state that you are looking for a relationship that involves fun, quality time, family, laughter, intelligent conversation, etc..
> 
> Many people in the OLD world are coming out of marriages or LTRs where those things were in very short supply, and are only interested in new relationships with people who also value - and are willing to reciprocally provide - those things. They're literally just looking for a partner who _likes_ them an will have _fun_ with them - like they had when they were dating their previous partners but which seemed to evaporate once the rings were exchanged and they suddenly found themselves shoe-horned into the role of provider-man or wife-appliance.
> 
> It's not at all uncommon for men's dating profiles to also say they're looking for intelligent conversation, a sense of humor, someone who likes to have fun and likes to spend time with family and friends. I always interpreted that, I think correctly, to mean "if you're going to get your ass on your shoulders and pout like a 3 year old every time I want to have dinner with friends, go see a dumb movie, try rollerblading for the first time, or spend an afternoon playing with the kids/grands, then I'm not your guy." It means the same thing when women post it. It means that person is not looking for a repeat of their prior partner's humorless, joyless, grumbling/pouting demeanor.


I see what you’re saying. It does, however, make it difficult for a normal guy who has those qualities and would like to see something a little deeper in the profiles. 
If that is really what women want, why are they not fighting over the guys who are like that? Lol. It’s interesting as to how women seem to continue to be attracted to those suck relationships even though they say they don’t want them. There actually are normal guys out there. Maybe there should be dating sites for normal people. It would be easier to communicate.


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## Rowan

southbound said:


> I see what you’re saying. It does, however, make it difficult for *a normal guy who has those qualities and would like to see something a little deeper in the profiles*.



So, serious question: What _would_ you like to see in women's profiles? Specifically, what sorts of things would tick the box for that "something a little deeper" you're looking for?


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## southbound

Rowan said:


> So, serious question: What _would_ you like to see in women's profiles? Specifically, what sorts of things would tick the box for that "something a little deeper" you're looking for?


I could easily accept that some profiles would be as I described, but I find it difficult to imagine that every woman with a profile is a female Indiana Jones. I'd like something that indicates what kind of life they lead on a daily basis. Is most of their evenings after work spent quietly in PJ's relaxing; if so, then say it. If there is something that they absolutely love and do it often, then mention it instead of throwing out 10 different things and acting like they are all high priority and done often in their lives. Then there is the stuff that says nothing, so i assume if it is mentioned, it must be on an elevated level; therefore, i wish there was some clarity in why they mention common things as if they were rare. 

For example, when a woman writes, "I love to laugh," I wonder if it's to the point it's obnoxious. If not, why mention it? I assumed everybody loved to laugh, but most people don't act like the Joker. 

Some mention they want intelligent conversation. What does that mean? They want to discuss theory of relativity, or does it mean their last partner only wanted to talk about video games? 

I did read a profile once where the woman described herself as enjoying the simple things in life. She had a great career, but described herself as an introvert who liked to spend time at home. She wasn't trying to dazzle anybody, but just being honest. She also mentioned that she was in her 50s and not interested in acting like she is in her 20s. That seemed like an honest, real profile to me and not someone trying to dazzle. Unfortunately, we lived too far away, but I wish more women were that bare bones in their description. 

Does this make sense?


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## Al_Bundy

Rowan said:


> So, serious question: What _would_ you like to see in women's profiles? Specifically, what sorts of things would tick the box for that "something a little deeper" you're looking for?


How do you write good sales copy?............. because that's what it is, an ad.

There's a saying in writing, "show, don't tell". Don't say you like to laugh, say who your favorite comedian is. Also use pictures to "show" your lifestyle. Show a picture on top of a mountain or on a biking trail, etc... And for the love of Jeebus don't just post a bunch of pictures of your face. I'm not saying post something sexy, but a full body shot where you can at least do the math between her profile description and visual evidence to see if it pans out.

Since I brought up an advertising example, lets run with that a bit further. Your follow up. The other person is going to ask for your social media so they can check you out further (and vice versa). Make sure it's ready with more than just a few photos from the once of year vacation you take. Show what you're into. Don't be like my cousin whose IG profile is 90% selfies of her face and 10% pictures of drinks on table. You might as well get a face tattoo that says "No Personality".


----------



## heartsbeating

Marc878 said:


> Use pics with a bag over your head. I hear chics dig mysterious guys.


I actually think this would be an amusing idea.


----------



## Marc878

heartsbeating said:


> I actually think this would be an amusing idea.


I bet you’d get some hits just to see what was under the bag. Curiosity killed the cat. Ha!


----------



## heartsbeating

Marc878 said:


> I bet you’d get some hits just to see what was under the bag. Curiosity killed the cat. Ha!


I agree... and well-played cat reference!


----------



## Laurentium

southbound said:


> I did read a profile once where the woman described herself as enjoying the simple things in life. She had a great career, but described herself as an introvert who liked to spend time at home. She wasn't trying to dazzle anybody, but just being honest. She also mentioned that she was in her 50s and not interested in acting like she is in her 20s.


Yeah, I too would definitely contact that person. (If I did OLD, which at the moment I don't).


----------



## Laurentium

Al_Bundy said:


> Your follow up. The other person is going to ask for your social media so they can check you out further (and vice versa).


My answer: "I don't have any. I regard social media as a form of mental disorder." 
I am hoping this answer will screen out a LOT of unsuitable people.


----------



## Lila

Laurentium said:


> My answer: "I don't have any. I regard social media as a form of mental disorder."
> I am hoping this answer will screen out a LOT of unsuitable people.


😂 This is great! I'm going to borrow it.


----------



## Al_Bundy

Lila said:


> 😂 This is great! I'm going to borrow it.



Another good answer is that your social is just for family


----------



## southbound

Al_Bundy said:


> How do you write good sales copy?............. because that's what it is, an ad.
> 
> There's a saying in writing, "show, don't tell". Don't say you like to laugh, say who your favorite comedian is. Also use pictures to "show" your lifestyle. Show a picture on top of a mountain or on a biking trail, etc... And for the love of Jeebus don't just post a bunch of pictures of your face. I'm not saying post something sexy, but a full body shot where you can at least do the math between her profile description and visual evidence to see if it pans out.


Actually, a lot of them do show pictures of their adventurous life. They are at the beach or at some vacation site. They make it appear as if that is their normal routine, but i can't believe every woman is like that. It's like they are auditioning for "Survivor" instead of looking for a date. I also know what you mean by showing only face shots. Some will describe themselves as "a few extra pounds," but only show face pics. I have no problem with some extra weight, but that seems like they are trying to hide something. 

I just don't describe myself as "looking for adventure." that just seems a little weird for me in trying to find a date, but maybe that's just me. I suppose most women here are married and don't use OLD. I wish there was a place to ask why they post like this.


----------



## TXTrini

Al_Bundy said:


> Another good answer is that your social is just for family


Totally agree. No way I'd let some rando peruse through my social! Friends & Family ONLY!


----------



## Girl_power

southbound said:


> Actually, a lot of them do show pictures of their adventurous life. They are at the beach or at some vacation site. They make it appear as if that is their normal routine, but i can't believe every woman is like that. It's like they are auditioning for "Survivor" instead of looking for a date. I also know what you mean by showing only face shots. Some will describe themselves as "a few extra pounds," but only show face pics. I have no problem with some extra weight, but that seems like they are trying to hide something.
> 
> I just don't describe myself as "looking for adventure." that just seems a little weird for me in trying to find a date, but maybe that's just me. I suppose most women here are married and don't use OLD. I wish there was a place to ask why they post like this.


I mean we’re not going to put pics up of us doing laundry, and watching Netflix…


----------



## southbound

Girl_power said:


> I mean we’re not going to put pics up of us doing laundry, and watching Netflix…


I get that too, but I just wish I could get a feel of who the person is on an everyday basis. To be honest, at this point, I would welcome some pics of women doing laundry or just hanging out in the recliner. That would seem real.


----------



## TXTrini

southbound said:


> Actually, a lot of them do show pictures of their adventurous life. They are at the beach or at some vacation site. They make it appear as if that is their normal routine, but i can't believe every woman is like that. It's like they are auditioning for "Survivor" instead of looking for a date. I also know what you mean by showing only face shots. Some will describe themselves as "a few extra pounds," but only show face pics. I have no problem with some extra weight, but that seems like they are trying to hide something.
> 
> I just don't describe myself as "looking for adventure." that just seems a little weird for me in trying to find a date, but maybe that's just me. I suppose most women here are married and don't use OLD. I wish there was a place to ask why they post like this.


Funnily enough, none of those things you find disingenuine are unique to women. People feel the need to present their best selves to the world and make a good first impression. 

I can't tell you how many men posted outdated pics, lied about their age, didn't have body pics unless they had abs, those who do flaunt it like that's all they had to offer. Some had no pics at all, and barely anything on their profile either to make them seem less creepy. 

The only thing I can tell you is to be genuine and not feel self-conscious about who you are. At least most of your contemporaries aren't trying to date people who could be their children and grandchildren. Talk to some of those adventurous ladies, maybe they might put you onto something new! You never know.


----------



## southbound

TXTrini said:


> Funnily enough, none of those things you find disingenuine are unique to women. People feel the need to present their best selves to the world and make a good first impression.
> 
> I can't tell you how many men posted outdated pics, lied about their age, didn't have body pics unless they had abs, those who do flaunt it like that's all they had to offer. Some had no pics at all, and barely anything on their profile either to make them seem less creepy.
> 
> The only thing I can tell you is to be genuine and not feel self-conscious about who you are. At least most of your contemporaries aren't trying to date people who could be their children and grandchildren. Talk to some of those adventurous ladies, maybe they might put you onto something new! You never know.


I’m sure it’s true about men too. That makes the whole OLD thing seem fake. I guess I’m comparing it to real life. For example, a man knows of a woman, then he bumps into her at the grocery while she’s checking out the baked beans. If a guy is interested, he would be delighted to meet her there even though there is no spit and polish, and maybe they chat and exchange numbers. The OLD seems like we are trying out for The Bachelor tv show.


----------



## TXTrini

southbound said:


> I’m sure it’s true about men too. That makes the whole OLD thing seem fake. I guess I’m comparing it to real life. For example, a man knows of a woman, then he bumps into her at the grocery while she’s checking out the baked beans. If a guy is interested, he would be delighted to meet her there even though there is no spit and polish, and maybe they chat and exchange numbers. The OLD seems like we are trying out for The Bachelor tv show.


I know what you mean, but I don't think it's faker than putting on a persona IRL to impress someone. You don't _need_ to use OLD if you prefer to meet people organically. 

A cursory examination of people's OLD experience seems to hinge on a few things:
1. the app itself and its reputation
2. the singles pool in your search area, however large you decide
3. how you present yourself - attractive, personable, etc
4. how picky you are 

The upside to OLD is if you match, you KNOW you're both attracted and don't have to play guessing games. I simply looked at OLD as a different avenue of meeting people, especially since I never knew when a man was flirting with me. I thought people were just being polite


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> I get that too, but I just wish I could get a feel of who the person is on an everyday basis. To be honest, at this point, I would welcome some pics of women doing laundry or just hanging out in the recliner. That would seem real.


@southbound my advice is to take online dating profiles with a grain of salt. Think of it as predominantly superficial tool where the best looking pics (photo quality of a model doing a fun activity) wins. When reading a profile, it's best to read between the lines. Also watch out for red flag key words.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> @southbound my advice is to take online dating profiles with a grain of salt. Think of it as predominantly superficial tool where the best looking pics (photo quality of a model doing a fun activity) wins. When reading a profile, it's best to read between the lines. Also watch out for red flag key words.


OK, so this isn't meant for me, but I'm quite frankly amazed  How do you read between the lines?? What are red flag keywords?

I'm a dumbass that takes people by their word, b/c I value mine. I pretty much went by interests, talking and intuition. If someone looked/felt off, I asked open-ended questions to try to wiggle out their intent. Is that what you mean, Lila?


----------



## Al_Bundy

TXTrini said:


> OK, so this isn't meant for me, but I'm quite frankly amazed  How do you read between the lines?? What are red flag keywords?
> 
> I'm a dumbass that takes people by their word, b/c I value mine. I pretty much went by interests, talking and intuition. If someone looked/felt off, I asked open-ended questions to try to wiggle out their intent. Is that what you mean, Lila?


I think a good red flag is when the profile is about what they don't want. Like when it says the guy must have a job, a car, and no druggies. That tells me that in the past she's been hot for unemployed guys on foot who also have a drug problem.


----------



## heartsbeating

It sounds a bit like interviews... some kind of question like 'How would you work with someone that you feel is disruptive to the team?' 
In my mind, they'd be telling me there's someone that's challenging to work with, or had issues with, that disrupts the team.


----------



## southbound

Al_Bundy said:


> I think a good red flag is when the profile is about what they don't want. Like when it says the guy must have a job, a car, and no druggies. That tells me that in the past she's been hot for unemployed guys on foot who also have a drug problem.


Very good point. I see a lot of what they do t want too. It must be because they’ve had experience with those things.


----------



## TXTrini

Al_Bundy said:


> I think a good red flag is when the profile is about what they don't want. Like when it says the guy must have a job, a car, and no druggies. That tells me that in the past she's been hot for unemployed guys on foot who also have a drug problem.


I saw that with men too, and honestly, no-no lists made me not want to touch them on their no-no spots  

I did have to put "not looking to have children" on mine at the very top of my profile, b/c I kept getting messages from men looking to start a family and it got old real fast seeing how little their profile matched my filters. 



heartsbeating said:


> It sounds a bit like interviews... some kind of question like 'How would you work with someone that you feel is disruptive to the team?'
> In my mind, they'd be telling me there's someone that's challenging to work with, or had issues with, that disrupts the team.


Ha! Well, it is an interview unless you like changing your SO's like underoos.


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> OK, so this isn't meant for me, but I'm quite frankly amazed  How do you read between the lines?? What are red flag keywords?


For me, reading between the lines is basically ignoring all of the extra fluff words in a profile and only focusing on the key words. I search words that describe my deal breakers or qualities that I'm looking for in a man. It's just one big key word hunt. 

Red flags words are those that could possibly be describing an incompatibility. As an example, based on my experience I stay away from anyone who describes themselves as open-minded. That's a red-flag word for me. The red-flag words are unique to each individual. 



> I'm a dumbass that takes people by their word, b/c I value mine. I pretty much went by interests, talking and intuition. If someone looked/felt off, I asked open-ended questions to try to wiggle out their intent. Is that what you mean, Lila?


I am describing the profile screening we do before we even get to the communicating phase. 

But once you get to the chatting phase, intuition takes over.


----------



## southbound

Lila said:


> For me, reading between the lines is basically ignoring all of the extra fluff words in a profile and only focusing on the key words. I search words that describe my deal breakers or qualities that I'm looking for in a man. It's just one big key word hunt.
> 
> Red flags words are those that could possibly be describing an incompatibility. As an example, based on my experience I stay away from anyone who describes themselves as open-minded. That's a red-flag word for me. The red-flag words are unique to each individual.


I sometimes see it worded at "I'm a free-thinker" too. Maybe they were in a relationship where they weren't allowed to think, but I usually avoid those. I also avoid ones with a lot of pet pictures, and of course, the ones looking for adventure.


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> I sometimes see it worded at "I'm a free-thinker" too. Maybe they were in a relationship where they weren't allowed to think, but I usually avoid those. I also avoid ones with a lot of pet pictures, and of course, the ones looking for adventure.


I haven't run across free thinker but I wouldn't have the same reaction to it as you. That's why I say these are words may or may not be red flags to all. They are unique to each of us and it's based on our experiences. 

In the past, when I reached out to people who use "open-minded" in their profile either to describe themselves or what they are looking for, I learned they were using open-minded to refer to sexual orientation, kinks/fetishes, or relationship goals which were outside my comfort zone. I'm sure this isn't universal to all but it's how I've experienced it so I avoid it. 


You should probably experience reaching out to some of these people who say they are looking for adventure just to make sure you're not writing off a compatible partner. If you reach out to a few and they genuinely seem interested in adventure seeking, then you can make the decision to view it as a red flag.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I haven't run across free thinker but I wouldn't have the same reaction to it as you. That's why I say these are words may or may not be red flags to all. They are unique to each of us and it's based on our experiences.
> 
> In the past, when I reached out to people who use "open-minded" in their profile either to describe themselves or what they are looking for, I learned they were using open-minded to refer to sexual orientation, kinks/fetishes, or relationship goals which were outside my comfort zone. I'm sure this isn't universal to all but it's how I've experienced it so I avoid it.
> 
> 
> You should probably experience reaching out to some of these people who say they are looking for adventure just to make sure you're not writing off a compatible partner. If you reach out to a few and they genuinely seem interested in adventure seeking, then you can make the decision to view it as a red flag.


Ha! Yes, Open-minded usually was some kind of sexual thing, especially some form of non-monogamy.


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> Ha! Yes, Open-minded usually was some kind of sexual thing, especially some form of non-monogamy.


Yep. In my world open minded has equated to the guy trying to live out all of his sexual fantasies, or the couple looking for a third, or men heavy into kink (this one is popular). None of these things are bad but they just aren't something I'm interested in doing.


----------



## southbound

TXTrini said:


> I saw that with men too, and honestly, no-no lists made me not want to touch them on their no-no spots
> 
> I did have to put "not looking to have children" on mine at the very top of my profile, b/c I kept getting messages from men looking to start a family and it got old real fast seeing how little their profile matched my filters.
> 
> 
> Ha! Well, it is an interview unless you like changing your SO's like underoos.


here is an aexample of a profile from a 50 year old woman. I edited out some blah, blah, blah, but here is an example of what I'm talking about. I reads like an audition for the Bachelorett tv show:

"…I am not the kind of girl who likes to be controlled or babysit……I’m looking for someone who likes an active lifestyle; someone who has the mind and body of a man but has the heart and soul of a young person. I like a man who can have fun no matter what he is doing. I enjoy travel, water sports, boating, canoeing, kayaking, and hiking. I like to have fun! I really love to travel and go boating with my friends. 
Please, if you are in your 20s, go talk to your mother. If you are over 53, you need to be able to keep up. I don’t go to bed at 9:00pm. I don’t have a nurse to help me dress. I’m looking for a travel, adventure partner. "


----------



## Girl_power

southbound said:


> here is an aexample of a profile from a 50 year old woman. I edited out some blah, blah, blah, but here is an example of what I'm talking about. I reads like an audition for the Bachelorett tv show:
> 
> "…I am not the kind of girl who likes to be controlled or babysit……I’m looking for someone who likes an active lifestyle; someone who has the mind and body of a man but has the heart and soul of a young person. I like a man who can have fun no matter what he is doing. I enjoy travel, water sports, boating, canoeing, kayaking, and hiking. I like to have fun! I really love to travel and go boating with my friends.
> Please, if you are in your 20s, go talk to your mother. If you are over 53, you need to be able to keep up. I don’t go to bed at 9:00pm. I don’t have a nurse to help me dress. I’m looking for a travel, adventure partner. "


I think the good thing about her profile is she is laying down specifically what she wants and what’s important to her and what she is all about. I love profiles like this because I can tell whether or not we will be compatible and there is no wasting time.


----------



## Girl_power

My ex boyfriend told me that he always swiped left on women who had tons of outside activity pictures because although he likes a hike every once in a while, he is not an adventurous man and would rather be dressed up at a nice restaurant drinking. 

People should his who they are. The objective isn’t to find any mate, it’s to find a life partner and by showing who you really are by pictures and profiles you can weed people out instead of wasting time.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I go to bed at 9pm. 😰


----------



## TXTrini

southbound said:


> here is an aexample of a profile from a 50 year old woman. I edited out some blah, blah, blah, but here is an example of what I'm talking about. I reads like an audition for the Bachelorett tv show:
> 
> "…I am not the kind of girl who likes to be controlled or babysit……I’m looking for someone who likes an active lifestyle; someone who has the mind and body of a man but has the heart and soul of a young person. I like a man who can have fun no matter what he is doing. I enjoy travel, water sports, boating, canoeing, kayaking, and hiking. I like to have fun! I really love to travel and go boating with my friends.
> Please, if you are in your 20s, go talk to your mother. If you are over 53, you need to be able to keep up. I don’t go to bed at 9:00pm. I don’t have a nurse to help me dress. I’m looking for a travel, adventure partner. "


Eh, I see what you mean 😨

To me, it comes across as negative, insulting and superior. Like any man who men her criteria would be sooooooo lucky to kiss her ass. 

Being straightforward is one thing, but insulting people you never met b/c they're not your type is downright disrespectful and ugly.

Go talk to your mother... you need to be able to keep up....
Good God!


----------



## southbound

TXTrini said:


> Eh, I see what you mean 😨
> 
> To me, it comes across as negative, insulting and superior. Like any man who men her criteria would be sooooooo lucky to kiss her ass.
> 
> Being straightforward is one thing, but insulting people you never met b/c they're not your type is downright disrespectful and ugly.
> 
> Go talk to your mother... you need to be able to keep up....
> Good God!


That’s the way I see it too. It seems like there are no normal people on these sites.


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> That’s the way I see it too. It seems like there are no normal people on these sites.


I think THIS woman is like that but I doubt all of them are like this.

Why filters are you using?


----------



## southbound

Lila said:


> I think THIS woman is like that but I doubt all of them are like this.
> 
> Why filters are you using?


I’ll admit, that profile pretty much said it all, but most all profiles are sprinkled with that kind of stuff. As for filters, there’s no box to exclude the adventure type or to draw the homebody.


----------



## Torninhalf

southbound said:


> I’ll admit, that profile pretty much said it all, but most all profiles are sprinkled with that kind of stuff. As for filters, there’s no box to exclude the adventure type or to draw the homebody.


I’m a homebody and not ashamed of it. I can’t even imagine how to make an OLD profile. 😂


----------



## southbound

Torninhalf said:


> I’m a homebody and not ashamed of it. I can’t even imagine how to make an OLD profile. 😂


I guess people think describing themselves as a homebody doesn’t sound exciting, but I’d certainly like to see a profile like that if it’s the truth.


----------



## Torninhalf

southbound said:


> I guess people think describing themselves as a homebody doesn’t sound exciting, but I’d certainly like to see a profile like that if it’s the truth.


I’m not interested in being exciting. Too old to play games. I’m faithful, honest, can balance a checkbook and cook a great meal. What else do people want? 😂


----------



## LisaDiane

This thread is giving me a panic attack...


----------



## southbound

Torninhalf said:


> I’m not interested in being exciting. Too old to play games. I’m faithful, honest, can balance a checkbook and cook a great meal. What else do people want? 😂


I agree. If I saw that written in a profile, that would get my attention. I’d think I had found a real woman and not an actress. That within itself is exciting if that is what type of person one is.


----------



## southbound

LisaDiane said:


> This thread is giving me a panic attack...


Why is it giving you a panic attack?


----------



## Torninhalf

southbound said:


> I agree. If I saw that written in a profile, that would get my attention. I’d think I had found a real woman and not an actress. That within itself is exciting if that is what type of person one is.


Maybe I ought to try that then. 😂


----------



## ccpowerslave

I think this would be really difficult to do, writing a good profile.

I do a lot of stuff. I do have “action adventure” hobbies. I will skate with the kids at skate parks where they laugh at me because I’m stiff like a piece of plywood. If I lived in a place where the water wasn’t freezing I would prefer to go surfing every morning while it’s still dark.

I would definitely want to put stuff about music as almost all the travel I do is business or music related.

Then I would want to put my education because I would want a smart woman.

However 90% of the time I am boring and like to stay at home.

Perplexing!!!


----------



## LisaDiane

southbound said:


> Why is it giving you a panic attack?


Because it ALL sounds like SO much pressure that would be stressful to go through!

I would be afraid to put 90% of my interests in a profile...Lol!!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

There shouldn’t be any panic attack. Women act like sex is a big thing, they won’t give it up and they will use it as power over a man. I’ve seen a recent post when someone was dating, broke up, got back together instantly but the women said sex would be off the table. Lol. Once a man and a women are willing to exchange their true needs and desires, you get through all of this profile crap, meet each other and see if you get along. All of this other nonsense is just noise. Most of the single women on here will be single for a very long time. @LisaDiane don’t fall into that trap.


----------



## minimalME

RebuildingMe said:


> There shouldn’t be any panic attack. Women act like sex is a big thing, they won’t give it up and they will use it as power over a man. I’ve seen a recent post when someone was dating, broke up, got back together instantly but the women said sex would be off the table. Lol. Once a man and a women are willing to exchange their true needs and desires, you get through all of this profile crap, meet each other and see if you get along. All of this other nonsense is just noise. *Most of the single women on here will be single for a very long time.* @LisaDiane don’t fall into that trap.


I'd rather be single than coerced by bitter, arrogant men who think they're entitled to fast sex.

And you are an angry bully. 

It's a huge relief not to deal with men like you anymore. I'm missing out on absolutely nothing.


----------



## Girl_power

I just saw a guys profile where he says… I’m old, my feet hurt, why is that phone ringing!! I can read and write and do a cartwheel. I’m bright just unmotivated.

Needless to say, I swiped left. Oh and he’s 38 years old lol.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> There shouldn’t be any panic attack. Women act like sex is a big thing, they won’t give it up and they will use it as power over a man. I’ve seen a recent post when someone was dating, broke up, got back together instantly but the women said sex would be off the table. Lol. Once a man and a women are willing to exchange their true needs and desires, you get through all of this profile crap, meet each other and see if you get along. All of this other nonsense is just noise. Most of the single women on here will be single for a very long time. @LisaDiane don’t fall into that trap.


I won't, but I also will never lie to myself about the fact that a man who doesn't like ANYTHING about ME would easily use me to get off a few times...and THAT doesn't sound very pleasant. If some guy wants to masturbate with my body, he needs to find someone else.

I LOVE sex and would never withhold it from a man who I want, but I will only enjoy it with someone who values me as a special, unique person.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Girl_power said:


> I just saw a guys profile where he says… I’m old, my feet hurt, why is that phone ringing!! I can read and write and do a cartwheel. I’m bright just unmotivated.
> 
> Needless to say, I swiped left. Oh and he’s 38 years old lol.


Sounds like the inside voice spilled out. My feet hurt too but it doesn’t seem like something the ladies would be interested in. 

Perhaps there is a podiatrist out there looking for a barely literate unmotivated amateur gymnast.


----------



## RebuildingMe

minimalME said:


> I'd rather be single than coerced by bitter, arrogant men who think they're entitled to fast sex.
> 
> And you are an angry bully.
> 
> It's a huge relief not to deal with men like you anymore. I'm missing out on absolutely nothing.


Of yes, of course, the narcissist defense. How could I forget? That has become an increasingly popular diagnosis by divorced women in the last two years. I believe in 2020 there are more positive narcissistic cases than covid cases.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> I won't, but I also will never lie to myself about the fact that a man who doesn't like ANYTHING about ME would easily use me to get off a few times...and THAT doesn't sound very pleasant. If some guy wants to masturbate with my body, he needs to find someone else.
> 
> I LOVE sex and would never withhold it from a man who I want, but I will only enjoy it with someone who values me as a special, unique person.


Agreed 100%. Just don’t fall for lies that any man that is into sex is a creep and should be avoided at all costs. You will be removing 98% of the eligible men from your prospects. You have never struck me as someone that weaponizes, manipulates, degrades or shames sex a man’s need for sex. You’ll be fine when you are ready.


----------



## Girl_power

ccpowerslave said:


> Sounds like the inside voice spilled out. My feet hurt too but it doesn’t seem like something the ladies would be interested in.
> 
> Perhaps there is a podiatrist out there looking for a barely literate unmotivated amateur gymnast.


I read this guys profile like… I will be gaining a lot of weight if we get married, and I am very low effort.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> There shouldn’t be any panic attack. Women act like sex is a big thing, they won’t give it up and they will use it as power over a man. I’ve seen a recent post when someone was dating, broke up, got back together instantly but the women said sex would be off the table. Lol. Once a man and a women are willing to exchange their true needs and desires, you get through all of this profile crap, meet each other and see if you get along. All of this other nonsense is just noise. *Most of the single women on here will be single for a very long time. *@LisaDiane don’t fall into that trap.


What do hope to accomplish by posting manipulative stuff like this? Do you think it's going to make some of the women on here think "oh no, I better start sleeping with every guy who hits on me if I hope not to be single"? You post negatively about women with high notch counts but then advocate for women to sleep with a guy just because he wants to have sex with her. Give be a break!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> What do hope to accomplish by posting manipulative stuff like this? Do you think it's going to make some of the women on here think "oh no, I better start sleeping with every guy who hits on me if I hope not to be single"? You post negatively about women with high notch counts but then advocate for women to sleep with a guy just because he wants to have sex with her. Give be a break!


The exact same way some women manipulate men over sex. He misbehaved? I’ll cut him off. He wants sex on date #3? I’ll make him wait until date #10. He wants to meet at his place for coffee? He’s a creep, stay away! I call women out on this? I’m a narcissistic bully! It goes both ways. You’re a smart person @Lila. Don’t pretend you don’t see the double standard. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Instead of opening up the gate, I read over and over again on TAM how they manipulate that gate for their advantage. How many single women on here back in 2019 are still single today preaching the same dribble? I’ll get off my high horse because my beliefs are not shared by the masses.


----------



## Torninhalf

RebuildingMe said:


> There shouldn’t be any panic attack. Women act like sex is a big thing, they won’t give it up and they will use it as power over a man. I’ve seen a recent post when someone was dating, broke up, got back together instantly but the women said sex would be off the table. Lol. Once a man and a women are willing to exchange their true needs and desires, you get through all of this profile crap, meet each other and see if you get along. All of this other nonsense is just noise. Most of the single women on here will be single for a very long time. @LisaDiane don’t fall into that trap.


So sex isn’t a big thing? I’m a tad confused.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> The exact same way some women manipulate men over sex. He misbehaved? I’ll cut him off. He wants sex on date #3? I’ll make him wait until date #10. He wants to meet at his place for coffee? He’s a creep, stay away! I call women out on this? I’m a narcissistic bully! It goes both ways. You’re a smart person @Lila. Don’t pretend you don’t see the double standard. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Instead of opening up the gate, I read over and over again on TAM how they manipulate that gate for their advantage. How many single women on here back in 2019 are still single today preaching the same dribble? I’ll get off my high horse because my beliefs are not shared by the masses.


Who gives a flying Fark what anyone does or says about how they choose to date or when they choose to have sex?! It's not up to you or anyone else to tell them that they are gate keeping sex or that the cautions they take to protect themselves from harm will result in them being single forever. Live and let live.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Torninhalf said:


> So sex isn’t a big thing? I’m a tad confused.


No, not really. Do you think it is? We’ve been having sex our entire adult lives. Like brushing teeth and taking showers. Why is it this huge thing when we start dating again? I can never quite wrap my head around that.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Who gives a flying Fark what anyone does or says about how they choose to date or when they choose to have sex?! It's not up to you or anyone else to tell them that they are gate keeping sex or that the cautions they take to protect themselves from harm will result in them being single forever. Live and let live.


All I can think about is a quote: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.


----------



## Torninhalf

RebuildingMe said:


> No, not really. Do you think it is? We’ve been having sex our entire adult lives. Like brushing teeth and taking showers. Why is it this huge thing when we start dating again? I can never quite wrap my head around that.


I think it is. There are billions of people on this planet and I just don’t let anyone inside me. 😳


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> All I can think about is a quote: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.


I prefer the quote "just because something is right for others doesn't make it right for me".


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> I prefer the quote "just because something is right for others doesn't make it right for me".


Or, “opinions are like azzwholes, everyone has one”


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> Or, “opinions are like azzwholes, everyone has one”


On that one I do agree with you 100%


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Agreed 100%. Just don’t fall for lies that any man that is into sex is a creep and should be avoided at all costs. You will be removing 98% of the eligible men from your prospects. You have never struck me as someone that weaponizes, manipulates, degrades or shames sex a man’s need for sex. You’ll be fine when you are ready.


Of course not...although, that isn't how I took what was being said, either. 

And what I want and what I will do with a guy I've just met is VERY different than what I want and will do with a guy that I know really likes/loves ME, and isn't just trying to use me like a warm sex doll.

I'm really more concerned that I won't be able to find a man in the age range that I find attractive who will want sex as much as I do! Lol!!


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> The exact same way some women manipulate men over sex. He misbehaved? I’ll cut him off. He wants sex on date #3? I’ll make him wait until date #10. He wants to meet at his place for coffee? He’s a creep, stay away! I call women out on this? I’m a narcissistic bully! It goes both ways. You’re a smart person @Lila. Don’t pretend you don’t see the double standard. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Instead of opening up the gate, I read over and over again on TAM how they manipulate that gate for their advantage. How many single women on here back in 2019 are still single today preaching the same dribble? I’ll get off my high horse because my beliefs are not shared by the masses.


I couldn't figure out why your post above seemed off to me and I just figured it out. Much more goes into a relationship than just sex which is why having sex with someone doesn't guarantee a relationship. I know plenty of women who have sex almost immediately upon meeting a man who are single and I know just as many who don't and are single. For the ones in each group that are actively seeking a relationship, both are equally unhappy with their methods.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> No, not really. Do you think it is? We’ve been having sex our entire adult lives. Like brushing teeth and taking showers. Why is it this huge thing when we start dating again? I can never quite wrap my head around that.


Wait...don't the Red Pill things you read SAY that how many partners a woman has had IS a big deal and should be to men...??

Am I remembering that correctly...because then I will need you to explain some things you've said here today...


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Agreed 100%. Just don’t fall for lies that any man that is into sex is a creep and should be avoided at all costs. You will be removing 98% of the eligible men from your prospects. You have never struck me as someone that weaponizes, manipulates, degrades or shames sex a man’s need for sex. You’ll be fine when you are ready.


If you're referring to the singles thread, the lady that posted isn't interested in jumping into bed with someone and wants to get to know a man first so we advised her accordingly . Its not that we think every man is a creep, but it is a huge risk to go home with a stranger on first meet. At best, she will be misleading him, at worst ,if he is a creep, its best be safe than sorry. 

You're coming across pretty hostile, everything ok with you?


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> Wait...don't the Red Pill things you read SAY that how many partners a woman has had IS a big deal and should be to men...??
> 
> Am I remembering that correctly...because then I will need you to explain some things you've said here today...


Notch counts are important, don’t get me wrong. They are far more important for men in their 20’s and 30’s, if they are willing to take the grave risk of marriage. Not as important with men in 50’s and 60’s. Everyone has a past and hopefully learns from it.


----------



## Torninhalf

RebuildingMe said:


> Notch counts are important, don’t get me wrong. They are far more important for men in their 20’s and 30’s, if they are willing to take the grave risk of marriage. Not as important with men in 50’s and 60’s. Everyone has a past and hopefully learns from it.


Notch counts are impo how?


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Notch counts are important, don’t get me wrong. They are far more important for men in their 20’s and 30’s, if they are willing to take the grave risk of marriage. Not as important with men in 50’s and 60’s. *Everyone has a past and hopefully learns from it.*


But...which is it that you want from a woman - do you want her to say NO to sex on the first date (which keeps her notch count lower)...or do you want her to say YES, which means you get laid without having to wait...??

And what I bolded, you do realize that THAT is the reason women on here are saying watch out for men who only want to use women for sex, because they have LEARNED that...THAT is what men in THEIR past have taught them...


----------



## LisaDiane

Torninhalf said:


> Notch counts are impo how?


<loud whisper> They are not important!


----------



## ccpowerslave

LisaDiane said:


> do you want her to say NO to sex on the first date (which keeps her notch count lower)...or do you want her to say YES, which means you get laid without having to wait...??


I want her to say no to everyone else but yes to me because she can’t control herself. And yes, this cake is delicious!


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> If you're referring to the singles thread, the lady that posted isn't interested in jumping into bed with someone and wants to get to know a man first so we advised her accordingly . Its not that we think every man is a creep, but it is a huge risk to go home with a stranger on first meet. At best, she will be misleading him, at worst ,if he is a creep, its best be safe than sorry.
> 
> You're coming across pretty hostile, everything ok with you?


Hostile? Ouch, lol. I consider myself a realist. Believe it or not, I do look at things from both sides (gender). Yes, I believe everyone should be safe. Yes, I’m talking about the singles thread and another recent thread when a woman took a bf back but unbeknownst to him, he was already cut off from sex.

I was out to dinner two nights ago with my gf of a year. We were at a high end Italian restaurant celebrating my soon to be 50th (also, hoping to celebrate something else very soon). Anyway, it’s pouring rain. We are all dressed up. Leaving the restaurant and an older lady in her 60’s knocks at the car window with car trouble. My gf doesn’t want to get involved. Thinks it’s a scam. I tell her to pull her car next to the women’s car. It’s down a dark ally, next to the restaurant. We pull up and her 90 something year old mother is also in the car. I jump the car in the rain, soaked.The stranger gives me a hug and wishes me a happy birthday and says she’s sorry for ruining our date. I made someone’s mother, sister, aunt happy that night. My point is everyone is afraid nowadays. Afraid of each other and afraid of their own shadows. Sometimes you have to willing to risk to find reward.

Yes @TXTrini, I’m fine. Waiting for my long awaiting resolution to possibly start next week


----------



## joannacroc

RebuildingMe said:


> There shouldn’t be any panic attack. Women act like sex is a big thing, they won’t give it up and they will use it as power over a man. I’ve seen a recent post when someone was dating, broke up, got back together instantly but the women said sex would be off the table. Lol. Once a man and a women are willing to exchange their true needs and desires, you get through all of this profile crap, meet each other and see if you get along. All of this other nonsense is just noise. Most of the single women on here will be single for a very long time. @LisaDiane don’t fall into that trap.


I am confused. Earlier you seem to indicate women who sleep with a lot of men are not valuable. But here you seem to say that women make too big of a deal about sleeping with new men and should do it more often - do you see how that's a bit contradictory?


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> But...which is it that you want from a woman - do you want her to say NO to sex on the first date (which keeps her notch count lower)...or do you want her to say YES, which means you get laid without having to wait...??
> 
> And what I bolded, you do realize that THAT is the reason women on here are saying watch out for men who only want to use women for sex, because they have LEARNED that...THAT is what men in THEIR past have taught them...


Not sure where I ever said I wanted to get laid without having to wait? What I am trying to say is that when men and women finally come to terms with what the other genders needs are, their success rate might actually improve. The idea that you are going to make a man wait, just because you can, is childish and manipulative. You can do it, people can do anything they want. Just don’t be surprised by the inevitable outcomes.


----------



## Torninhalf

RebuildingMe said:


> Not sure where I ever said I wanted to get laid without having to wait? What I am trying to say is that when men and women finally come to terms with what the other genders needs are, their success rate might actually improve. The idea that you are going to make a man wait, just because you can, is childish and manipulative. You can do it, people can do anything they want. Just don’t be surprised by the inevitable outcomes.


So asking for a woman who will be new to dating. What is the appropriate wait time until I put a mans penis in my mouth? One date? 2? Help a sister out.


----------



## minimalME

Torninhalf said:


> So asking for a woman who will be new to dating. What is the appropriate wait time until I put a mans penis in my mouth? One date? 2? Help a sister out.


😂😂😂


----------



## RebuildingMe

joannacroc said:


> I am confused. Earlier you seem to indicate women who sleep with a lot of men are not valuable. But here you seem to say that women make too big of a deal about sleeping with new men and should do it more often - do you see how that's a bit contradictory?


Just about everything in a relationship between genders is contradictory. I laugh when I see posts telling someone, “Stay away. All he wants is sex”. Is this really new information? Can we get passed that women want a emotional connection and men want a physical one? Isn’t this well known going in? You got to give something to get something. I’m trying to be as simplistic as I can. Please excuse the generalities.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Hostile? Ouch, lol. I consider myself a realist. Believe it or not, I do look at things from both sides (gender). Yes, I believe everyone should be safe. Yes, I’m talking about the singles thread and another recent thread when a woman took a bf back but unbeknownst to him, he was already cut off from sex.
> 
> I was out to dinner two nights ago with my gf of a year. We were at a high end Italian restaurant celebrating my soon to be 50th (also, hoping to celebrate something else very soon). Anyway, it’s pouring rain. We are all dressed up. Leaving the restaurant and an older lady in her 60’s knocks at the car window with car trouble. My gf doesn’t want to get involved. Thinks it’s a scam. I tell her to pull her car next to the women’s car. It’s down a dark ally, next to the restaurant. We pull up and her 90 something year old mother is also in the car. I jump the car in the rain, soaked.The stranger gives me a hug and wishes me a happy birthday and says she’s sorry for ruining our date. I made someone’s mother, sister, aunt happy that night. My point is everyone is afraid nowadays. Afraid of each other and afraid of their own shadows. Sometimes you have to willing to risk to find reward.
> 
> Yes @TXTrini, I’m fine. Waiting for my long awaiting resolution to possibly start next week


Well I got an angry feeling from your posts, that's why I asked. Trust me I'm well aware of having sex used as a weapon, but its not only women who do that. BTW, I'm happy for you, hopefully you'll soon be free!

That was very kind of you to stop, good for you for following your principles and not wussing out. I agree that people are afraid of each other, but your experience as a tall strapping man is much different to smaller women who have learned to be cautious, due to our vulnerability.

I'm a smaller female, there's no way I could win a struggle against a man my size, much less a bigger one. Men take theie safety for granted , women don't. If a man can't understand that, his ego isn't worth my safety. I'm speaking as a woman who did stupid shut like that, and thankfully didn't live to regret it. 

What would you advise daughters to do?


----------



## RebuildingMe

Torninhalf said:


> So asking for a woman who will be new to dating. What is the appropriate wait time until I put a mans penis in my mouth? One date? 2? Help a sister out.


Ugh. If you are waiting just to make him wait and release your power, just release him.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Well I got an angry feeling from your posts, that's why I asked. Trust me I'm well aware of having sex used as a weapon, but its not only women who do that. BTW, I'm happy for you, hopefully you'll soon be free!
> 
> That was very kind of you to stop, good for you for following your principles and not wussing out. I agree that people are afraid of each other, but your experience as a tall strapping man is much different to smaller women who have learned to be cautious, due to our vulnerability.
> 
> I'm a smaller female, there's no way I could win a struggle against a man my size, much less a bigger one. Men take theie safety for granted , women don't. If a man can't understand that, his ego isn't worth my safety. I'm speaking as a woman who did stupid shut like that, and thankfully didn't live to regret it.
> 
> What would you advise daughters to do?


My daughter is 20 years old and is stationed in Poland right now in the Army National Guard. I can tell you 100% that she would stop and help. She’s a badass. Lol.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> Just about everything in a relationship between genders is contradictory. I laugh when I see posts telling someone, “Stay away. All he wants is sex”. Is this really new information? Can we get passed that women want a emotional connection and men want a physical one? Isn’t this well known going in? You got to give something to get something. I’m trying to be as simplistic as I can. Please excuse the generalities.


Couple of things. You mentioned earlier....



RebuildingMe said:


> *What I am trying to say is that when men and women finally come to terms with what the other genders needs are, their success rate might actually improve.*


So the woman knows the man's needs (sex) but what we don't know is whether he's interested in knowing and meeting our needs. 

On one hand you're saying that we shouldn't use sex to get something from the men we date but on the other your saying "You got to give something to get something", which I am assuming is referring to sex. So you're basically saying it's okay for the man to use withholding of a emotional connection to get sex but that women should not use sex to get an emotional connection. Gotcha. Talk about s double standard.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> My daughter is 20 years old and is stationed in Poland right now in the Army National Guard. I can tell you 100% that she would stop and help. She’s a badass. Lol.


To some men, she's trying to be a man, joining the national guard. Most women don't have combat training, but good for her!


----------



## Torninhalf

RebuildingMe said:


> And this is where our conversation ends. Shame on you.


No, shame on you. Women are not here for your sexual pleasure. We are not obligated to suck and **** at your will. You mocked GP because she set some boundaries. When peop,e show you who they are believe them.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Couple of things. You mentioned earlier....
> 
> 
> 
> So the woman knows the man's needs (sex) but what we don't know is whether he's interested in knowing and meeting our needs.
> 
> On one hand you're saying that we shouldn't use sex to get something from the men we date but on the other your saying "You got to give something to get something", which I am assuming is referring to sex. So you're basically saying it's okay for the man to use withholding of a emotional connection to get sex but that women should not use sex to get an emotional connection. Gotcha. Talk about s double standard.


But where did I say men should withhold? I said when we both know what the other gender is seeking (assuming we provide it) the success rate of relationships increases.


----------



## Lila

Torninhalf said:


> So asking for a woman who will be new to dating. What is the appropriate wait time until I put a mans penis in my mouth? One date? 2? Help a sister out.


My advice (take it or leave it) is the appropriate time is: When you feel safe with this person. When you feel comfortable in the fact that you'll be at your most vulnerable with this person.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> But where did I say men should withhold? I said when we both know what the other gender is seeking (assuming we provide it) the success rate of relationships increases.


The biggest problem with that is that emotional connection, unlike sex, takes time. I don't know many people who can claim to have an emotional connection after a date or two and some texting/phone calls. Lust, yes. Actual connection, no way. 

And no, sex is not like brushing our teeth or bathing. Unlike sex, we don't need a partner to perform these tasks, and if we did, we wouldn't have to trust them as much as when we (women) put ourselves in a very vulnerable spot.

The best tool a woman can have in her arsenal is patience. IME, the truth about intentions makes itself known pretty quickly. All we can do is decide if we want to invest ourselves knowing whatever those intentions are.


----------



## Torninhalf

Lila said:


> The biggest problem with that is that emotional connection, unlike sex, takes time. I don't know many people who can claim to have an emotional connection after a date or two and some texting/phone calls. Lust, yes. Actual connection, no way.
> 
> And no, sex is not like brushing our teeth or bathing. Unlike sex, we don't need a partner to perform these tasks, and if we did, we wouldn't have to trust them as much as when we (women) put ourselves in a very vulnerable spot.
> 
> The best tool a woman can have in her arsenal is patience. IME, the truth about intentions makes itself known pretty quickly. All we can do is decide if we want to invest ourselves knowing whatever those intentions are.


The whole sex is like brushing your teeth or bathing creeped me out. For real? There are some mental issues here this board can’t help.


----------



## Lila

Torninhalf said:


> The whole sex is like brushing your teeth or bathing creeped me out. For real? There are some mental issues here this board can’t help.


I wouldn't say mental health issues are involved, however there are people (men and women) who do not associate emotional connection to sex a k.a. sport ****ing. It's fun but holds no bonding element to it. 

Then there are people who see sex as a physical manifestation of their emotional connection to the person they are with. It's the way they show love. 

And then there's the in between the two. 

You're best bet is to find someone who closely aligns with your views on sex.


----------



## Diana7

RebuildingMe said:


> Not sure where I ever said I wanted to get laid without having to wait? What I am trying to say is that when men and women finally come to terms with what the other genders needs are, their success rate might actually improve. The idea that you are going to make a man wait, just because you can, is childish and manipulative. You can do it, people can do anything they want. Just don’t be surprised by the inevitable outcomes.


Waiting for sex gets rid of the men who only want one thing.


----------



## Diana7

RebuildingMe said:


> Agreed 100%. Just don’t fall for lies that any man that is into sex is a creep and should be avoided at all costs. You will be removing 98% of the eligible men from your prospects. You have never struck me as someone that weaponizes, manipulates, degrades or shames sex a man’s need for sex. You’ll be fine when you are ready.


Maybe for some women it's worth waiting for the 2% of men who don't expect to jump into having sex straightaway. 
Any woman who would go back to their home or the guys home alone on the first or second date to have sex wants their head examined.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Not sure where I ever said I wanted to get laid without having to wait? What I am trying to say is that when men and women finally come to terms with what the other genders needs are, their success rate might actually improve. The idea that you are going to make a man wait, just because you can, is childish and manipulative. You can do it, people can do anything they want. Just don’t be surprised by the inevitable outcomes.


I didn't mean YOU said it, I was asking which was the more important "virtue" for Red Pill men - lower partner counts or easier access sex? Because you cannot have it both ways.

But if your main points that you are saying are that to withhold sex only for control over someone is detrimental to a relationship with them, I DO agree with you...just as I agree that giving out wild sex as a manipulation tool is also disingenuous and a bad way to begin a relationship.

Someone else said it perfectly on here already, but it's true for ME, so I will repeat it -- I will withhold sex and access to MY body from any man who doesn't VALUE ME. Because the gift of my openness and full sexual self isn't for HIM...it's for a man who actually wants ME as a person. 

And like I already said, the way I will behave and respond sexually with a man in the very beginning of a relationship is VERY different than how I will behave and respond sexually to him once I know that he actually wants and values ME. In the latter case, I wonder if HE would be able to keep up with ME...Lol!!!


----------



## LisaDiane

TXTrini said:


> Well I got an angry feeling from your posts, that's why I asked. Trust me I'm well aware of having sex used as a weapon, but its not only women who do that. BTW, I'm happy for you, hopefully you'll soon be free!
> 
> That was very kind of you to stop, good for you for following your principles and not wussing out. I agree that people are afraid of each other, but your experience as a tall strapping man is much different to smaller women who have learned to be cautious, due to our vulnerability.
> 
> I'm a smaller female, there's no way I could win a struggle against a man my size, much less a bigger one. Men take theie safety for granted , women don't. If a man can't understand that, his ego isn't worth my safety. I'm speaking as a woman who did stupid shut like that, and thankfully didn't live to regret it.
> 
> What would you advise daughters to do?


Bam Bam is back!!!!


----------



## joannacroc

RebuildingMe said:


> Just about everything in a relationship between genders is contradictory. I laugh when I see posts telling someone, “Stay away. All he wants is sex”. Is this really new information? Can we get passed that women want a emotional connection and men want a physical one? Isn’t this well known going in? You got to give something to get something. I’m trying to be as simplistic as I can. Please excuse the generalities.


You're very cynical which is your right. But not everyone is going to see the world the same way.


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> Bam Bam is back!!!!


I'm afraid to ask, but what does that mean?


----------



## Hiner112

That was a weird left turn. It started out as a critique of dating profiles and veered into sexual decision making and attitudes.

Whatever you do and whatever you like should be in a dating profile so you know that the person wants to know you.

Someone should have sex when they want to (and their partner does too obviously). Sometimes this involves emotional connection conditions and sometimes it doesn't. It should be a mutual decision and not a reward for good behavior or just an arbitrary milestone because you just finished date #3 or whatever.


----------



## LisaDiane

TXTrini said:


> I'm afraid to ask, but what does that mean?


He reminds me of Barney and Betty's little boy on The Flintsones, who goes around smashing things with his club!! Lol!


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> He reminds me of Barney and Betty's little boy on The Flintsones, who goes around smashing things with his club!! Lol!


Gotcha. A bam bam means something else where I'm from


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> Gotcha. A bam bam means something else where I'm from


🧐🦪


----------



## southbound

I guess everyone think they know how to knock it outside of the park when building their OLD profile, but really don’t. I’ve read tips on things to do a d not to do, and it seems like everyone does the opposite. 

I’ve read where women tell the guys to stop posing with dead animals, put their shirt on, and do t think the fancy car impresses them. 

Personally, I’m not impressed with pics with their pets, especially solo pics. That’s saying the pet comes first, and it will be on the couch with us. I also am not impressed with group pics, or ones with the animal ears and nose added, whatever that is.


----------



## TXTrini

southbound said:


> I guess everyone think they know how to knock it outside of the park when building their OLD profile, but really don’t. I’ve read tips on things to do a d not to do, and it seems like everyone does the opposite.
> 
> I’ve read where women tell the guys to stop posing with dead animals, put their shirt on, and do t think the fancy car impresses them.
> 
> Personally, I’m not impressed with pics with their pets, especially solo pics. That’s saying the pet comes first, and it will be on the couch with us. I also am not impressed with group pics, or ones with the animal ears and nose added, whatever that is.


I don't think there is one "right' way to build a profile, the "right" profile is the one that appeals to who you want. Think of it as marketing yourself - you're the product, your homebody lady is your target market.

Bait your hook appropriately:
1. use your filters
2. keep things in the body of your profile positive - steer clear of no-no lists
3. try to give an idea of who you are and what you value
4. have some recent pics that show you clearly - no shirtless pics, please or pics from 20 yrs ago

You sound like you know what you want in a lady, I'm sure she's out there! You seem like a straightforward cat, I'm sure you'll hook something tasty!


----------



## Rowan

OP, the problem doesn't really seem to be that so many women have all this crazy adventurous stuff in their profiles. The _actual_ problem is that those women who do, simply aren't for you. And you are apparently frustrated that there are so many women out there who aren't right for you.

But, if you think about it, that's perfectly normal, even a good thing. You shouldn't really expect the majority of women you encounter in any arena to be right for you. You should expect that there is really only a small number of women who are right for you and for whom you might also be a good match. This is the nature of the world.

So, when you see profiles that contain things you don't like, _just move along_. Those women aren't doing anything "wrong". They're just doing things that aren't attractive to you. And that's okay. It just means they're not right for you. They're probably right for someone else, someone who is looking for a woman who wants to go kayaking and spend weekends at the beach. You are not looking for that woman. So, stop fixating on the many women who are doing it "wrong" from your perspective. Let it go. Instead, look for the small handful of women who might be right for you. That might mean you quickly scan and discard a very large number of profiles. If you're determined to do online dating, then that's just part of it. Don't be mad about it, just let it roll off your back and keep looking.

Or, maybe those women who are right for you are not on dating sites. Maybe they're at the library, the grocery store, your job, your club, your house of worship, the local coffee shop, your hobby group, volunteering at the soup kitchen or with the garden society for that park cleanup, or some other place that you frequent that might also be frequented by women with whom you clearly have some facet of life in common.

But continuing to be somewhat fixated on all the women who aren't right for you, and all the ways they're not right for you that you find ridiculous and confounding, does nothing for you in the long run. In fact, it probably keeps you busy being frustrated and _not _busy really looking for women who actually might be good matches for you.

Oh, and two people who really just want to stay home all the time are going to have a hard time finding one another. _Because they're both at home all the time_. Online dating isn't like the mail-order bride services of yesteryear. You can't just pick a home-body gal out of the catalog and have her shipped to your local train depot. If you want to find a woman, you're going to have to get out in the world a bit. Even homebody ladies are at the grocery store, the local shops, getting coffee, attending services, or volunteering. So, if you're not also doing those things, you're shooting yourself in the foot big time.


----------



## joannacroc

Rowan said:


> OP, the problem doesn't really seem to be that so many women have all this crazy adventurous stuff in their profiles. The _actual_ problem is that those women who do, simply aren't for you. And you are apparently frustrated that there are so many women out there who aren't right for you.
> 
> But, if you think about it, that's perfectly normal, even a good thing. You shouldn't really expect the majority of women you encounter in any arena to be right for you. You should expect that there is really only a small number of women who are right for you and for whom you might also be a good match. This is the nature of the world.
> 
> So, when you see profiles that contain things you don't like, _just move along_. Those women aren't doing anything "wrong". They're just doing things that aren't attractive to you. And that's okay. It just means they're not right for you. They're probably right for someone else, someone who is looking for a woman who wants to go kayaking and spend weekends at the beach. You are not looking for that woman. So, stop fixating on the many women *** are doing it "wrong" from your perspective. Let it go. Instead, look for the small handful of women who might be right for you. That might mean you quickly scan and discard a very large number of profiles. If you're determined to do online dating, then that's just part of it. Don't be mad about it, just let it roll off your back and keep looking.
> 
> Or, maybe those women who are right for you are not on dating sites. Maybe they're at the library, the grocery store, your job, your club, your house of worship, the local coffee shop, your hobby group, volunteering at the soup kitchen or with the garden society for that park cleanup, or some other place that you frequent that might also be frequented by women with whom you clearly have some facet of life in common.
> 
> But continuing to be somewhat fixated on all the women who aren't right for you, and all the ways they're not right for you that you find ridiculous and confounding, does nothing for you in the long run. In fact, it probably keeps you busy being frustrated and _not _busy really looking for women who actually might be good matches for you.
> 
> Oh, and two people who really just want to stay home all the time are going to have a hard time finding one another. _Because they're both at home all the time_. Online dating isn't like the mail-order bride services of yesteryear. You can't just pick a home-body gal out of the catalog and have her shipped to your local train depot. If you want to find a woman, you're going to have to get out in the world a bit. Even homebody ladies are at the grocery store, the local shops, getting coffee, attending services, or volunteering. So, if you're not also doing those things, you're shooting yourself in the foot big time.


That's a good point.


----------



## Al_Bundy

southbound said:


> here is an aexample of a profile from a 50 year old woman. I edited out some blah, blah, blah, but here is an example of what I'm talking about. I reads like an audition for the Bachelorett tv show:
> 
> "…I am not the kind of girl who likes to be controlled or babysit……I’m looking for someone who likes an active lifestyle; someone who has the mind and body of a man but has the heart and soul of a young person. I like a man who can have fun no matter what he is doing. I enjoy travel, water sports, boating, canoeing, kayaking, and hiking. I like to have fun! I really love to travel and go boating with my friends.
> Please, if you are in your 20s, go talk to your mother. If you are over 53, you need to be able to keep up. I don’t go to bed at 9:00pm. I don’t have a nurse to help me dress. I’m looking for a travel, adventure partner. "


Since she mentioned boating twice I'd ask Skipper what kind of boat she owned. Or is she expecting to plop her 50yr old body on my boat? You can't really count something as a hobby if you need other people to provide the equipment and opportunity for it. I like to play music but I don't do it with borrowed instruments.


----------



## Livvie

Al_Bundy said:


> Since she mentioned boating twice I'd ask Skipper what kind of boat she owned. Or is she expecting to plop her 50yr old body on my boat? You can't really count something as a hobby if you need other people to provide the equipment and opportunity for it. I like to play music but I don't do it with borrowed instruments.


I agree! Does she own a boat, a canoe, and a kayak? She mentioned all three.


----------



## southbound

Rowan said:


> OP, the problem doesn't really seem to be that so many women have all this crazy adventurous stuff in their profiles. The _actual_ problem is that those women who do, simply aren't for you. And you are apparently frustrated that there are so many women out there who aren't right for you.
> 
> But, if you think about it, that's perfectly normal, even a good thing. You shouldn't really expect the majority of women you encounter in any arena to be right for you. You should expect that there is really only a small number of women who are right for you and for whom you might also be a good match. This is the nature of the world.
> 
> So, when you see profiles that contain things you don't like, _just move along_. Those women aren't doing anything "wrong". They're just doing things that aren't attractive to you. And that's okay. It just means they're not right for you. They're probably right for someone else, someone who is looking for a woman who wants to go kayaking and spend weekends at the beach. You are not looking for that woman. So, stop fixating on the many women who are doing it "wrong" from your perspective. Let it go. Instead, look for the small handful of women who might be right for you. That might mean you quickly scan and discard a very large number of profiles. If you're determined to do online dating, then that's just part of it. Don't be mad about it, just let it roll off your back and keep looking.
> 
> Or, maybe those women who are right for you are not on dating sites. Maybe they're at the library, the grocery store, your job, your club, your house of worship, the local coffee shop, your hobby group, volunteering at the soup kitchen or with the garden society for that park cleanup, or some other place that you frequent that might also be frequented by women with whom you clearly have some facet of life in common.
> 
> But continuing to be somewhat fixated on all the women who aren't right for you, and all the ways they're not right for you that you find ridiculous and confounding, does nothing for you in the long run. In fact, it probably keeps you busy being frustrated and _not _busy really looking for women who actually might be good matches for you.
> 
> Oh, and two people who really just want to stay home all the time are going to have a hard time finding one another. _Because they're both at home all the time_. Online dating isn't like the mail-order bride services of yesteryear. You can't just pick a home-body gal out of the catalog and have her shipped to your local train depot. If you want to find a woman, you're going to have to get out in the world a bit. Even homebody ladies are at the grocery store, the local shops, getting coffee, attending services, or volunteering. So, if you're not also doing those things, you're shooting yourself in the foot big time.


What you write is true. I wonder, however, if some of these women are closer in reality to what I’m looking for if they had a totally honest profile, but they feel the need to appear exciting.


----------



## TXTrini

southbound said:


> What you write is true. I wonder, however, if some of these women are closer in reality to what I’m looking for if they had a totally honest profile, but they feel the need to appear exciting.


I totally understand your apprehension, I felt the same at the time. Most guys who swiped for me were super into martial arts, mountain climbing, travelling often to exotic places and looking for a partner who shared those interests. The more regular sounding ones had young kids, and I was not particularly interested in dealing with that. 

Maybe you could ask them what brand/material/color of kayak they own to see if they do own their equipment like Al mentioned. Either they'll be happy to share the details as enthusiasts, or they'll be revealed as posers. 

Anyways, just keep looking! Eventually, you'll find someone more compatible, or meet her in person through your friends and family.


----------



## ccpowerslave

The right lady (my wife) can be in my boat, kayak, and canoe any day of the week. I’ll even put it in the water for her and bring snacks.


----------



## Al_Bundy

TXTrini said:


> I don't think there is one "right' way to build a profile, the "right" profile is the one that appeals to who you want. Think of it as marketing yourself - you're the product, your homebody lady is your target market.
> 
> Bait your hook appropriately:
> 1. use your filters
> 2. keep things in the body of your profile positive - steer clear of no-no lists
> 3. try to give an idea of who you are and what you value
> 4. have some recent pics that show you clearly - no shirtless pics, please or pics from 20 yrs ago
> 
> You sound like you know what you want in a lady, I'm sure she's out there! You seem like a straightforward cat, I'm sure you'll hook something tasty!


Totally agree, I would add one more to that list.

Don't rely on OLD as your main source of meeting other people. Not saying OP is doing that but I have a couple buddies that will walk right by a beautiful woman in real life and put all their effort into OLD and then complain about OLD.


----------



## RandomDude

Back when I tried online dating I managed to get a few contacts by just leaving a semi-blank profile which only had "Classified", "Message me for security clearance" or some stupid sh-t like that can't remember lol

Bleh, dating profiles are too awkward for me. Where's the fun in discovery? The suspense of mystery? 
Another reason I still preferred to approach women face to face rather than rely on 21st century methods. But meh, to each their own.


----------



## southbound

I believe it just seems like a different culture for me as well. I am 53. I didn’t grow up in a time were the words “exciting” and “passionate” were used to describe everything. It also seems like it’s an inspirational quote contest like, “I choose to be around people who feel like sunlight.” Okaaaaaaay.


----------



## Al_Bundy

southbound said:


> I believe it just seems like a different culture for me as well. I am 53. I didn’t grow up in a time were the words “exciting” and “passionate” were used to describe everything. It also seems like it’s an inspirational quote contest like, “I choose to be around people who feel like sunlight.” Okaaaaaaay.


You also grew up in a time when people actually met face to face. Something that is becoming a bit of a lost art today. Use that to your advantage.


----------



## Girl_power

This is random, but I just want to say I saw the best picture on a dating profile today… it was this guy paddling a canoe on a lake, and he photoshopped a great white shark coming out of the water behind him. I died laughing..: almost made me swipe right.


----------



## Diana7

Al_Bundy said:


> You also grew up in a time when people actually met face to face. Something that is becoming a bit of a lost art today. Use that to your advantage.


OLD can lead to many face to face meetings. It's merely the means by which we initially contact people. People who we wouldn't meet otherwise. So it can and does widen our horizons.


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## ccpowerslave

Girl_power said:


> This is random, but I just want to say I saw the best picture on a dating profile today… it was this guy paddling a canoe on a lake, and he photoshopped a great white shark coming out of the water behind him. I died laughing..: almost made me swipe right.


Why didn’t you?


----------



## Girl_power

ccpowerslave said:


> Why didn’t you?


He looked like a Bachelor. Young, and every picture was of him drinking and out with the boys essentially.


----------



## Girl_power

OP I wonder if it also has to do with the location. From my experience it seems like certain things are trendy or appeared to be cool where you live. 
I live in a city, and it seems everyone is into drinking and microbreweries. It’s like all their free time is spent trying out new breweries and everyone knows everyone and they dissect the beers blah blah. Or people are super Into art. 

When I move my distance out a bit, then I see more outdoorsy people, people with hiking pictures and sometimes more simply people that are just Into watching sports and stuff.


----------



## RebuildingMe

I was brutally honest in my OLD profile. It’s my nature. I’m very direct. It was the start of covid. I put in a “covid disclaimer” about meeting up. I was very honest that I was not interested in any woman covid scared. It got me a lot of likes and it got me a really good, supportive gf of a year now. I was honest about my marital status and my kids and even included a photo of my kids and me. Funny thing was the feedback I got was that they liked that photo the most and they liked that I was honest about my situation. 

I would suggest just being honest about what you are looking for. Someone suggested filters on your photos, please don’t do that. It’s deceiving. Don’t like anyone that uses filters, you will be disappointed when you meet them in person and will be wasting both of your time. I would suggest spending $100 and have some professional photos taken of yourself and using them. It’s an investment, but so is dating. Good luck!


----------



## Married but Happy

I like sailing, kayaking, and canoeing, but now I just rent one when I go out. I'm no longer an enthusiast, and wouldn't be seeking someone who is. These days, it's the same with martial arts (I did taekwondo, and when we met my wife was a black belt in aikido, which I took up as well). And I really did do moonlit walks on the beach! I still travel a lot, and sometimes there is even a full moon and a beach to walk on.

I think people mention the highlights of their life, as those are important to them. I doubt most of them do those things every weekend, or even every month, but would like to meet someone who has/had the same experiences and may be open to trying some of them if they haven't. I also wonder if women are touting their adventures as an indirect way of saying they're adventurous in bed!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Married but Happy said:


> I also wonder if women are touting their adventures as an indirect way of saying they're adventurous in bed!


Don’t fall for it, lol


----------



## Rowan

Married but Happy said:


> I also wonder if women are touting their adventures as an indirect way of saying they're adventurous in bed!


That sounds much more like something a guy would do. Sort of like the ones who tout being "open minded" or "a free thinker" as an indirect way of saying they're looking for a friend with bennies, a third for their existing relationship, or they're WAY into furries or feet or some such. 

Most women would, I think, be more apt to say they're adventurous as an indirect method of letting guys know they're not the type who want to spend all their Saturdays doing laundry, cleaning the house and making sandwiches while their guy drinks beer and watches the football game. In other words, if you're looking for staff, find another woman - if you want to do fun things together, send them a message.


----------



## Al_Bundy

Diana7 said:


> OLD can lead to many face to face meetings. It's merely the means by which we initially contact people. People who we wouldn't meet otherwise. So it can and does widen our horizons.


I don't disagree, my point is to not depend on it. Not saying OP was.


----------



## southbound

I’ve noticed in recent browsing that almost every woman has a pet and a tattoo.


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## heartsbeating

southbound said:


> I’ve noticed in recent browsing that almost every woman has a pet and a tattoo.


What about tattoos of their pets?

You might recall Sebastian Maniscalco’s bit about tattoos.. ‘Someone asked me why I don't have any tattoos. I replied would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari.’ 😛

Batman has a tattoo (and which I like). They are pretty common place these days. Granted, I don’t have any; and don’t plan to. Quite a few friends are inked. Although not of their pets 😉


----------



## southbound

heartsbeating said:


> What about tattoos of their pets?
> 
> You might recall Sebastian Maniscalco’s bit about tattoos.. ‘Someone asked me why I don't have any tattoos. I replied would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari.’ 😛
> 
> Batman has a tattoo (and which I like). They are pretty common place these days. Granted, I don’t have any; and don’t plan to. Quite a few friends are inked. Although not of their pets 😉


Yes, I recall his bit about tattoos. It was hilarious. I must say that I agree with him.


----------



## southbound

I’ve thought about this more, and the thing I take issue with most is that in the mist of listing all the activities, it’s difficult to determine how mature and responsible these women are, and that is something I am interested in. I just find it odd that the main thing a woman in her 50s wants me to know is that she likes motorcycles and the beach. Instead of coming off like someone a mature person wants to meet, they all appear like women trying to pretend they are 25 and like spending a lot of money on activities. Is that really what it takes to get a guy's attention these days?


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> I just find it odd that the main thing a woman in her 50s wants me to know is that she likes motorcycles and the beach. Instead of coming off like someone a mature person wants to meet, they all appear like women trying to pretend they are 25 and like spending a lot of money on activities. *Is that really what it takes to get a guy's attention these days?*


I can only speak to my experience with online dating but most of the profiles from men over 50 come off that way as well. So my answer to your question would be yes.

Eta:. For the most part, like attracts like.


----------



## 2&out

Well Southbound... my opinion is that is why you keep reading and looking until you find something that interests you. I don't online date and never have but your "mature and responsible" comment that you are looking for made me laugh. For me a specific mention of that would be an automatic red flag pass. Mature and responsible ? no way... especially if they are looking for that in return ! LOL.


----------



## Torninhalf

southbound said:


> I’ve thought about this more, and the thing I take issue with most is that in the mist of listing all the activities, it’s difficult to determine how mature and responsible these women are, and that is something I am interested in. I just find it odd that the main thing a woman in her 50s wants me to know is that she likes motorcycles and the beach. Instead of coming off like someone a mature person wants to meet, they all appear like women trying to pretend they are 25 and like spending a lot of money on activities. Is that really what it takes to get a guy's attention these days?


I think most people want to come across adventurous, fun, open to new experiences etc. Most of the time it probably isn’t true but an OLD profile that says “Not a fan of most humans” “Like to be asleep by 11 pm” “Hates to be spoken to until after first pot of coffee” probably won’t get much activity. 😂


----------



## Elizabeth001

Torninhalf said:


> I think most people want to come across adventurous, fun, open to new experiences etc. Most of the time it probably isn’t true but an OLD profile that says “Not a fan of most humans” “Like to be asleep by 11 pm” “Hates to be spoken to until after first pot of coffee” probably won’t get much activity.


Well that would explain why I don’t get many hits 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Torninhalf

Elizabeth001 said:


> Well that would explain why I don’t get many hits
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


😂


----------



## southbound

Torninhalf said:


> I think most people want to come across adventurous, fun, open to new experiences etc. Most of the time it probably isn’t true but an OLD profile that says “Not a fan of most humans” “Like to be asleep by 11 pm” “Hates to be spoken to until after first pot of coffee” probably won’t get much activity. 😂


I guess my mind is just on a different track. That sounds more like trying to convince producers why you should be a contestant on the next Survivor. Unless someone is just looking for some short term fun, I assume meeting someone for a LTR would at least be an idea. With that in mind, it seems weird that adventure is the idea they try to stress the most.


----------



## Torninhalf

southbound said:


> I guess my mind is just on a different track. That sounds more like trying to convince producers why you should be a contestant on the next Survivor. Unless someone is just looking for some short term fun, I assume meeting someone for a LTR would at least be an idea. With that in mind, it seems weird that adventure is the idea they try to stress the most.


OLD seems very daunting to me overall. 🤷🏼‍♀️


----------



## RebuildingMe

I say meet up with as many people as you can. Don’t dismiss everyone from their profiles. If their photos are attractive to you, a quick few texts, phone call and then meet up. Have fun with it. Don’t go into thinking you are going to meet your wife.


----------



## TXTrini

Torninhalf said:


> I think most people want to come across adventurous, fun, open to new experiences etc. Most of the time it probably isn’t true but an OLD profile that says “Not a fan of most humans” “Like to be asleep by 11 pm” “Hates to be spoken to until after first pot of coffee” probably won’t get much activity. 😂


Says who? 😁 


Elizabeth001 said:


> Well that would explain why I don’t get many hits
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


You only need hits from people you will actually like spending time with.


----------



## Torninhalf

TXTrini said:


> Says who? 😁
> 
> You only need hits from people you will actually like spending time with.


Maybe I’ll give it a shot! 😂


----------



## TXTrini

Torninhalf said:


> Maybe I’ll give it a shot! 😂


Just be honest. What's the worse that can happen? People you won't like/get along with anyway not messaging?


----------



## Torninhalf

TXTrini said:


> Just be honest. What's the worse that can happen? People you won't like/get along with anyway not messaging?


True that!


----------



## Diana7

southbound said:


> I’ve thought about this more, and the thing I take issue with most is that in the mist of listing all the activities, it’s difficult to determine how mature and responsible these women are, and that is something I am interested in. I just find it odd that the main thing a woman in her 50s wants me to know is that she likes motorcycles and the beach. Instead of coming off like someone a mature person wants to meet, they all appear like women trying to pretend they are 25 and like spending a lot of money on activities. Is that really what it takes to get a guy's attention these days?


I think they are merely trying to impress the men, but not sure what is wrong with loving the coast and being interested in motorbikes at any age really.


----------



## Livvie

Diana7 said:


> I think they are merely trying to impress the men, but not sure what is wrong with loving the coast and being interested in motorbikes at any age really.


You really don't get what OP is talking about.

It's like you have to refute anything someone writes about. Post after post.


----------



## Al_Bundy

RebuildingMe said:


> I say meet up with as many people as you can. Don’t dismiss everyone from their profiles. If their photos are attractive to you, a quick few texts, phone call and then meet up. Have fun with it. Don’t go into thinking you are going to meet your wife.


Totally agree. Take it from online to a real life meeting as fast as possible so you can see the real them. Not saying take them for full on dates, just coffee/tea for a sniff test.


----------



## southbound

Diana7 said:


> I think they are merely trying to impress the men, but not sure what is wrong with loving the coast and being interested in motorbikes at any age really.


There’s nothing wrong with it, even though I may have given that impression, but it seems like every woman’s profile is trying to impress with showing how adventurous they are. Where is the variety? Is that really what the majority is looking for in their 50s? Does anyone know if there is a dating site for people a little more down to earth? I know different sites have different reps; there is even one for farmers. Lol


----------



## Diana7

Livvie said:


> You really don't get what OP is talking about.
> 
> It's like you have to refute anything someone writes about. Post after post.


No refuting going in at all, just wondering why women in their 50's would say that as he wondered himself. Liking beaches is pretty universal for all ages, maybe a few like motorbikes who knows. 
Everyone wants to come across as interesting, it's normal. It's how we attract people.


----------



## Diana7

southbound said:


> There’s nothing wrong with it, even though I may have given that impression, but it seems like every woman’s profile is trying to impress with showing how adventurous they are. Where is the variety? Is that really what the majority is looking for in their 50s? Does anyone know if there is a dating site for people a little more down to earth? I know different sites have different reps; there is even one for farmers. Lol


I think that most people, men and women, will try and make themselves seem interesting and appealing if they are hoping to meet someone. It's like when estate agents write up the particulars for a house. They will stress the appealing parts and gloss over the less appealing.
I did meet some lovely ordinary down to earth people on OLD. In fact I married one although he was into kayaking then as well🙂
Yes there are sites for all sorts now. Those who like the outdoors for example. 
They didn't have nearly so much choice of different sites when I was on, but I was mainly on Christian sites anyway. 

Try writing what sort of lady you are looking for. Maybe for some it will be a relief if they can just be normal and not have to try and appear 'exciting'.


----------



## southbound

Diana7 said:


> Everyone wants to come across as interesting, it's normal. It's how we attract people.


I get that. I suppose I’m just looking for a different kind of interesting. As I mentioned before, it seems like their profile is an application for Survivor instead of a date, and it’s difficult for me to believe that practically every woman is like that. I’m just a “cut through the bull” type of guy, but it’s difficult to do on dating sites.


----------



## Diana7

southbound said:


> I get that. I suppose I’m just looking for a different kind of interesting. As I mentioned before, it seems like their profile is an application for Survivor instead of a date, and it’s difficult for me to believe that practically every woman is like that. I’m just a “cut through the bull” type of guy, but it’s difficult to do on dating sites.


It's sort of sad to think that so many of us feel that if we didn't put on this 'exciting' persona no one would be interested.


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> I get that. I suppose I’m just looking for a different kind of interesting. As I mentioned before, it seems like their profile is an application for Survivor instead of a date, and it’s difficult for me to believe that practically every woman is like that. I’m just a “cut through the bull” type of guy, but it’s difficult to do on dating sites.


It sounds to me like you are physically attracted to the type of woman who leads and active and adventurous life but you do not like the active/adventurous life. Take a look at the type of women whose profiles interest you. Are they smiling, seem carefree, fit, engaged in their environment?


----------



## southbound

Lila said:


> It sounds to me like you are physically attracted to the type of woman who leads and active and adventurous life but you do not like the active/adventurous life. Take a look at the type of women whose profiles interest you. Are they smiling, seem carefree, fit, engaged in their environment?


No. I actually want


Lila said:


> It sounds to me like you are physically attracted to the type of woman who leads and active and adventurous life but you do not like the active/adventurous life. Take a look at the type of women whose profiles interest you. Are they smiling, seem carefree, fit, engaged in their environment?


No. I didn’t intend to give that impression. Actually, I want a woman who is laid back, down to earth, and isn’t so adventure oriented. It’s just what I would call normal when I was growing up. That’s why I can’t believe there aren’t any women like that.


----------



## Elizabeth001

southbound said:


> No. I actually want
> 
> No. I didn’t intend to give that impression. Actually, I want a woman who is laid back, down to earth, and isn’t so adventure oriented. It’s just what I would call normal when I was growing up. That’s why I can’t believe there aren’t any women like that.


We’re here…you just have to dig through the muck.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## southbound

Elizabeth001 said:


> We’re here…you just have to dig through the muck.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


That is some thick muck. I wish some would show up on dating sites.


----------



## TXTrini

southbound, meet Elizabeth001, Elizabeth001, meet southbound. Now go forth and multiply! Muaaaahahahahaha

Ok, I'm just teasing, since that's how the dynamic duo met (Affaircare and EmergingBudhist). But ya never know!


----------



## Torninhalf

TXTrini said:


> southbound, meet Elizabeth001, Elizabeth001, meet southbound. Now go forth and multiply! Muaaaahahahahaha
> 
> Ok, I'm just teasing, since that's how the dynamic duo met (Affaircare and EmergingBudhist). But ya never know!


Absolutely brilliant. 😂😉😁


----------



## Elizabeth001

TXTrini said:


> southbound, meet Elizabeth001, Elizabeth001, meet southbound. Now go forth and multiply! Muaaaahahahahaha
> 
> Ok, I'm just teasing, since that's how the dynamic duo met (Affaircare and EmergingBudhist). But ya never know!


I’m sure he lives 5,000 miles away from me. The good ones always do :/


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> I’m sure he lives 5,000 miles away from me. The good ones always do :/
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


You'll never know if you don't ask.

Both of my exH lived thousands of miles away. I spent almost 20yrs with the last one.


----------



## Elizabeth001

Another catfish today…dude…they are getting better and better. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## WandaJ

southbound said:


> That is some thick muck. I wish some would show up on dating sites.


I have the same impression about guys on dating sides. All work out all the time, eat healthy, and live adventures lives…, lol


----------



## frenchpaddy

WandaJ said:


> I have the same impression about guys on dating sides. All work out all the time, eat healthy, and live adventures lives…, lol


do they say they like house work and help out and they are big into diy but never get to fix something ?
and They tell long, rambling stories about their “psycho ex"
show a photo of their sports car and then when you agree to meet he talks about all the women that just want them for their money , lol

do you get the feeling from some that they just sent out the same message to all women hoping to get one or just any one to bite .


----------



## Diana7

frenchpaddy said:


> do they say they like house work and help out and they are big into diy but never get to fix something ?
> and They tell long, rambling stories about their “psycho ex"
> show a photo of their sports car and then when you agree to meet he talks about all the women that just want them for their money , lol
> 
> do you get the feeling from some that they just sent out the same message to all women hoping to get one or just any one to bite .


Any man rambling about his psycho ex needs avoiding like the plague.


----------



## Al_Bundy

Online dating is like affiliate marketing, some months a nice check comes in, other times little or nothing. Either way I'd never depend on it as a main source.


----------



## Lila

I wasn't sure whether to share this or not but here goes. When I did online dating, i got some doozies. i keep saying I'm going to write a book Unsolicited messages were my absolute favorite. This one took the cake.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Looks kind of dumpy to be rocking that kind of demand list.


----------



## Lila

ccpowerslave said:


> Looks kind of dumpy to be rocking that kind of demand list.


You'd think so huh? I guess if it works for him, more.power to him.

Eta;. He was well over 50.


----------



## Elizabeth001

W.O.W.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## ccpowerslave

Lila said:


> You'd think so huh? I guess if it works for him, more.power to him.
> 
> Eta;. He was well over 50.


I feel bad for the ladies who get that manifesto with that photo and they’re like yep... Sad.


----------



## TXTrini

ccpowerslave said:


> I feel bad for the ladies who get that manifesto with that photo and they’re like yep... Sad.


Assuming they didn't immediately swipe left... He sounds like an arrogant asshole.


----------



## Diana7

Al_Bundy said:


> Online dating is like affiliate marketing, some months a nice check comes in, other times little or nothing. Either way I'd never depend on it as a main source.


You only need it to work once.


----------



## Diana7

Lila said:


> I wasn't sure whether to share this or not but here goes. When I did online dating, i got some doozies. i keep saying I'm going to write a book Unsolicited messages were my absolute favorite. This one took the cake.
> 
> 
> View attachment 76719
> View attachment 76720
> View attachment 76721
> View attachment 76722


I'll give him a 0 out of 10.


----------



## Prodigal

@Lila - So the guy didn't want a smoker of cigarettes, but he was puffing on a stogie regularly. Okay. Got it. And from that photo he looks paunchy. 

I can understand cutting through the bs, but that ass clown sounds like a loser right from the get-go. Full of himself. (Which signals to me an insecure person lurking underneath the false bravado.)

I, too, am a veteran of the online dating wars. Gawd. I went out with a few - and a few I just emailed - who were first-class jerks. And a lot of these guys are just looking for FWB or a wham-bam-thank-you ma'am kinda evening.


----------



## heartsbeating

Complement versus compliment.


----------



## heartsbeating

Proof read. Get a stylish shirt that fits and flatters. His shirt is way too big for him.

Try reading the content of the message in a Hugh Grant voice, even though I’m not a fan, and in the style of About A Boy. It kind of suits it.

Maybe the message represents the guy well, and hence, works in your favor @Lila


----------



## southbound

I’ve read the female version, except women always try to stress how they aren’t looking for sex. Apparently dating sites are only for women who don’t like sex.


----------



## Lila

Prodigal said:


> @Lila - So the guy didn't want a smoker of cigarettes, but he was puffing on a stogie regularly. Okay. Got it. And from that photo he looks paunchy.
> 
> I can understand cutting through the bs, but that ass clown sounds like a loser right from the get-go. Full of himself. (Which signals to me an insecure person lurking underneath the false bravado.)
> 
> I, too, am a veteran of the online dating wars. Gawd. I went out with a few - and a few I just emailed - who were first-class jerks. And a lot of these guys are just looking for FWB or a wham-bam-thank-you ma'am kinda evening.


I laughed when I read his manifesto. It's obviously a cut and paste that he must send to every woman. The strange thing is that he was not the first to send me that kind of message so it must work for some. 

Personally, I'll take the 'hi' over the manifesto.


----------



## Openminded

My guess is he thinks the shirt makes him look thinner because it’s supposed to be hiding “a few” extra pounds. Instead, it kinda looks like a maternity dress I had decades ago.


----------



## Al_Bundy

Diana7 said:


> You only need it to work once.


Same is true for the lottery but I'm not going to sink all my resources there either.


----------



## RebuildingMe

southbound said:


> I’ve read the female version, except women always try to stress how they aren’t looking for sex. Apparently dating sites are only for women who don’t like sex.


Yes, when I was on OLD, if the woman mentioned anything about sex in her profile (usually it was along the lines that I’m not looking for quick sex or hookup) I immediately swiped left. I mean, if you go out of your way to mention you’re not looking for sex in your initial profile, how interested are you in sex? Probably not much and probably a lame lay that would cost you $100’s just to find out how lame.


----------



## Al_Bundy

RebuildingMe said:


> Yes, when I was on OLD, if the woman mentioned anything about sex in her profile (usually it was along the lines that I’m not looking for quick sex or hookup) I immediately swiped left. I mean, if you go out of your way to mention you’re not looking for sex in your initial profile, how interested are you in sex? Probably not much and probably a lame lay that would cost you $100’s just to find out how lame.


I've heard the phrase "I usually don't do this..." enough times to ignore lines like that. Now if there were other things in her profile that are red flags to add to that I'd move on.


----------



## C.C. says ...

I’ve said that 100 times ^ (exaggerating) 

_I don’t usually do this._

Yeaaa with youuu. 😂


----------



## RebuildingMe

Al_Bundy said:


> I've heard the phrase "I usually don't do this..." enough times to ignore lines like that. Now if there were other things in her profile that are red flags to add to that I'd move on.


Yes, another classic one. Like it’s the first time they’ve made a profile and then you read they’ve been divorced for 8 years, lol.


----------



## C.C. says ...

I’ve never used a dating site but what gets me is, people are so disingenuous or over the top. All the adventurous types with the rock climbing, canoeing photos. Or the ‘my kid is my life’ stuff from the women. Well duh. As they should be! We know that. Who are you trying to convince?

Like everyone out there is wanting a rock climbing seaweed eating athlete that never sits still, that you have to keep up with. 

Where’s all the regular people? The unstuffy hoity toities.

_”I like to sit on my ass when I can get away with it, and drink beer until I think I can sing. I like to cook, eat deliciously, laugh hysterically at unfunny crude jokes, listen to metal on repeat, and have wild monkey sex more often than not. Bring your handcuffs. Vegans need not apply. 420 friendly. Holla!_

^ Where’s that guy?

See... if a guy wasn’t on his profile in his dockers talking about his 7 figure salary and how his mint condition blah blah Sting-ray needs washed, maybe he would find a more down to earth woman that wouldn’t tire of ****ing him, or expect him to treat her like a princess while she spends all his dough.

I just realized where the first guy is. 🤔 He’s out there BEING ABOUT IT instead of on some dating site talking about it.


----------



## farsidejunky

ccpowerslave said:


> I feel bad for the ladies who get that manifesto with that photo and they’re like yep... Sad.




Manifesto.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## ccpowerslave

C.C. says ... said:


> ”I like to sit on my ass when I can get away with it, and drink beer until I think I can sing. I like to cook, eat deliciously, laugh hysterically at unfunny crude jokes, listen to metal on repeat, and have wild monkey sex more often than not. Bring your handcuffs. Vegans need not apply. 420 friendly. Holla!


This would be me except I work out before all that.


----------



## ccpowerslave

farsidejunky said:


> Manifesto.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I was literally thinking Unibomber.


----------



## Lila

C.C. says ... said:


> Where’s all the regular people? The unstuffy hoity toities.
> 
> _”I like to sit on my ass when I can get away with it, and drink beer until I think I can sing. I like to cook, eat deliciously, laugh hysterically at unfunny crude jokes, listen to metal on repeat, and *have wild monkey sex more often than not. Bring your handcuffs*. Vegans need not apply. 420 friendly. Holla!_
> 
> ^ Where’s that guy?


I know you said you've never used online dating. Word of advice. If you ever do, keep the bolded line out of your profile. Men's brain won't let them focus on any other word except "sex". The fact that you use adjectives like "wild monkey" to describe your preferences will have every Tom, Richard, and Harry believing you're Uber/Lyft of sex.

Eta:. You're in box will get flooded with messages. You'll have to weed through so much garbage that it's not worth it.


----------



## 2&out

Good call C.C. --- if a guy has a mint condition Sting-ray then he's likely a talker/watcher and not much of a do-er / driver. There's too damn many 63 to 67 aged and basically retired from the "living" ones sitting around not being used and enjoyed as they should be so it figures they treat/do their women the same. It's the all in one Stingray guys that are still in the drivers seat that you want.


----------



## southbound

I just read an article online listing things we might not know about Americans. It said a lot of Americans are homebody’s, and 54% have traveled to less than 10 states, which means a lot of us aren’t big on travel. 

I guess that means only travelers get on dating sites, because it’s full of them.


----------



## ccpowerslave

southbound said:


> I just read an article online listing things we might not know about Americans. It said a lot of Americans are homebody’s, and 54% have traveled to less than 10 states, which means a lot of us aren’t big on travel.
> 
> I guess that means only travelers get on dating sites, because it’s full of them.


Hmm... I barely cleared the 10 state barrier. I think my wife has over 40 though.


----------



## minimalME

southbound said:


> I just read an article online listing things we might not know about Americans. It said a lot of Americans are homebody’s, and 54% have traveled to less than 10 states, which means a lot of us aren’t big on travel.
> 
> I guess that means only travelers get on dating sites, because it’s full of them.


I'm a nomadic homebody. 😂

To satisfy a goal, I'll go out and about. But just to enjoy or entertain doesn't motivate me.

Finding a compatible person? I think they'd have to live as I do.

And I might have written this before, but I think the activity level often depends where you live.

When I was on the west coast, the people around me were literally always moving. It made my head numb. They were skiing, biking, rafting, hiking. No matter the season, it was constant.


----------



## Hiner112

As for states as a destination, I've been to DC (yes, I know it's not a state but it's close), Maryland, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Georgia, Florida, and California. I drove through several more on the way somewhere else or by accident and California and Ohio were business travel / relocation. I kind of consider myself to be a homebody and would never consider putting travel on a profile.

I spend as much time trying to identify potential deal breakers for others in myself as I do "selling myself". Something like, "I have some potential deal breakers. With perfect posture I'm 5'5". This doesn't bother me but you might want to know. I have speech pattern that resembles a stutter. It has been how I speak for as long as I remember. I don't drink. I don't have a strong aversion to others drinking but I wouldn't want it to interfere with doing other things. I have my teenage children at least half the time so time is somewhat limited and their mom is someone I actively co-parent with."

That wasn't a copy/paste but just off the top of my head caveats in any profile I create.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Hiner112 said:


> As for states as a destination, I've been to DC (yes, I know it's not a state but it's close), Maryland, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Georgia, Florida, and California. I drove through several more on the way somewhere else or by accident and California and Ohio were business travel / relocation. I kind of consider myself to be a homebody and would never consider putting travel on a profile.
> 
> I spend as much time trying to identify potential deal breakers for others in myself as I do "selling myself". Something like, "I have some potential deal breakers. With perfect posture I'm 5'5". This doesn't bother me but you might want to know. I have speech pattern that resembles a stutter. It has been how I speak for as long as I remember. I don't drink. I don't have a strong aversion to others drinking but I wouldn't want it to interfere with doing other things. I have my teenage children at least half the time so time is somewhat limited and their mom is someone I actively co-parent with."
> 
> That wasn't a copy/paste but just off the top of my head caveats in any profile I create.


I like that you put in there that you can co-parent with your ex. I think that’s important. It’s a benefit you have to others. Unfortunately, I won’t have that benefit moving forward.


----------



## TXTrini

southbound said:


> I just read an article online listing things we might not know about Americans. It said a lot of Americans are homebody’s, and 54% have traveled to less than 10 states, which means a lot of us aren’t big on travel.
> 
> I guess that means only travelers get on dating sites, because it’s full of them.


So where are all these hotfoot heifers coming from?



minimalME said:


> I'm a nomadic homebody. 😂
> 
> To satisfy a goal, I'll go out and about. But just to enjoy or entertain doesn't motivate me.
> 
> Finding a compatible person? I think they'd have to live as I do.
> 
> And I might have written this before, but I think the activity level often depends where you live.
> 
> When I was on the west coast, the people around me were literally always moving. It made my head numb. They were skiing, biking, rafting, hiking. No matter the season, it was constant.


Hmm... are you and southbound in the same dating age group? 

Where you at ?


----------



## TXTrini

Hiner112 said:


> As for states as a destination, I've been to DC (yes, I know it's not a state but it's close), Maryland, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Georgia, Florida, and California. I drove through several more on the way somewhere else or by accident and California and Ohio were business travel / relocation. I kind of consider myself to be a homebody and would never consider putting travel on a profile.
> 
> I spend as much time trying to identify potential deal breakers for others in myself as I do "selling myself". Something like, "I have some potential deal breakers. With perfect posture I'm 5'5". This doesn't bother me but you might want to know. I have speech pattern that resembles a stutter. It has been how I speak for as long as I remember. I don't drink. I don't have a strong aversion to others drinking but I wouldn't want it to interfere with doing other things. I have my teenage children at least half the time so time is somewhat limited and their mom is someone I actively co-parent with."
> 
> That wasn't a copy/paste but just off the top of my head caveats in any profile I create.


That's a really good thing to do. I did the same, but I didn't write my dealbreakers on my profile. However, I reviewed profiles with my dealbreakers in mind. 

I'm also a homebody, though I have traveled a lot in the past and lived in different countries. I have no desire to globetrot (unless it's a few specific places I want to go) so I certainly did NOT want to date a traveler. 

I agree with RedbuildingMe, that co-parent titbit will win you brownie points. No one wants to deal with a super-*****y ex.


----------



## minimalME

TXTrini said:


> Hmm... are you and southbound in the same dating age group?
> 
> Where you at ?


I'm no longer a dater. 😏

And at the moment, I'm in Florida. 🌾🔱🐬


----------



## TXTrini

minimalME said:


> I'm no longer a dater. 😏
> 
> And at the moment, I'm in Florida. 🌾🔱🐬


It was just a thought...


----------



## Elizabeth001

TX tryna get SB some nookie…lol


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> TX tryna get SB some nookie…lol
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Hey, nookie makes everyone happier. I'm trying to spread the love


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> Hey, nookie makes everyone happier. I'm trying to spread the love


This is true, I found this documentary on the subject.


----------



## bobsmith

Just some OLD typical one liners I know by heart on women's profiles. 

1. Just seeing what is out there. (Hasn't even taken the ring off yet, but shopping asap)
2. Not interested in hook ups. (rarely the case. Some to the point of forceful) 
3. Love working out (just started 1mo ago, lost 5lbs, now I am active)
4. Love to travel (looking for man to take me on vacas every weekend)
5. Recently lost some weight (usually a LOT and did not create any sustainable habits)
6. Love the outdoors (as long as an AC is 20 steps away)
7. Church going (either just started or total bible beater. Either way, you chose OLD??)

Notes. 
1. If first pic is not of her, but of her pet, etc, you will be swiping left. 
2. Top shelf catches are NOT on OLD. they don't need to be. 
3. Read between the lines in the profile or via DMs and there is usually issues. Daddy, family, etc. 
4. Women foolishly use their first name, making them easy to find their social profiles. Helps me a TON. target avoided.
5. They will turn over every rock of the Inet once you give any personal info. Do NOT do that!
6. If they try to drag you home after 1hr of meeting, that is what they are really doing on OLD.
7. If they are truly a 'catch', there is zero shot. Hundreds of DMs and she will pick Brad every time. You can bet your mom's house on it.


----------



## ccpowerslave

bobsmith said:


> 2. Top shelf catches are NOT on OLD. they don't need to be.


🍿🍿🍿😎


----------



## Elizabeth001

bobsmith said:


> Just some OLD typical one liners I know by heart on women's profiles.
> 
> 1. Just seeing what is out there. (Hasn't even taken the ring off yet, but shopping asap)
> 2. Not interested in hook ups. (rarely the case. Some to the point of forceful)
> 3. Love working out (just started 1mo ago, lost 5lbs, now I am active)
> 4. Love to travel (looking for man to take me on vacas every weekend)
> 5. Recently lost some weight (usually a LOT and did not create any sustainable habits)
> 6. Love the outdoors (as long as an AC is 20 steps away)
> 7. Church going (either just started or total bible beater. Either way, you chose OLD??)
> 
> Notes.
> 1. If first pic is not of her, but of her pet, etc, you will be swiping left.
> 2. Top shelf catches are NOT on OLD. they don't need to be.
> 3. Read between the lines in the profile or via DMs and there is usually issues. Daddy, family, etc.
> 4. Women foolishly use their first name, making them easy to find their social profiles. Helps me a TON. target avoided.
> 5. They will turn over every rock of the Inet once you give any personal info. Do NOT do that!
> 6. If they try to drag you home after 1hr of meeting, that is what they are really doing on OLD.
> 7. If they are truly a 'catch', there is zero shot. Hundreds of DMs and she will pick Brad every time. You can bet your mom's house on it.


_whew_ …my profile passes the test! Woot!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## bobsmith

Elizabeth001 said:


> _whew_ …my profile passes the test! Woot!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


What I find SO rare is an attractive woman with a solid sense of humor! I just get tingles if I read one and literally LOL but I soon realize the stinky pool I am sitting in.


----------



## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> _whew_ …my profile passes the test! Woot!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Only if you're fishing for bobsmith...


----------



## Elizabeth001

TXTrini said:


> Only if you're fishing for bobsmith...


I reckon…I’m about to shut it down again. I can only take it for so long. Feels like My OCD is just nocking out notifications at this point 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## RebuildingMe

bobsmith said:


> Just some OLD typical one liners I know by heart on women's profiles.
> 
> 1. Just seeing what is out there. (Hasn't even taken the ring off yet, but shopping asap)
> 2. Not interested in hook ups. (rarely the case. Some to the point of forceful)
> 3. Love working out (just started 1mo ago, lost 5lbs, now I am active)
> 4. Love to travel (looking for man to take me on vacas every weekend)
> 5. Recently lost some weight (usually a LOT and did not create any sustainable habits)
> 6. Love the outdoors (as long as an AC is 20 steps away)
> 7. Church going (either just started or total bible beater. Either way, you chose OLD??)
> 
> Notes.
> 1. If first pic is not of her, but of her pet, etc, you will be swiping left.
> 2. Top shelf catches are NOT on OLD. they don't need to be.
> 3. Read between the lines in the profile or via DMs and there is usually issues. Daddy, family, etc.
> 4. Women foolishly use their first name, making them easy to find their social profiles. Helps me a TON. target avoided.
> 5. They will turn over every rock of the Inet once you give any personal info. Do NOT do that!
> 6. If they try to drag you home after 1hr of meeting, that is what they are really doing on OLD.
> 7. If they are truly a 'catch', there is zero shot. Hundreds of DMs and she will pick Brad every time. You can bet your mom's house on it.


You forgot “my kids are my world”. Hard swipe left!


----------



## bobsmith

RebuildingMe said:


> You forgot “my kids are my world”. Hard swipe left!


OMFG!!!! I totally did!!!! That is a HUGE one! There are just so many to remember!!!! lmao....

the meaning (I will always chose my kids over you. You are a bank account to me)


----------



## RebuildingMe

bobsmith said:


> OMFG!!!! I totally did!!!! That is a HUGE one! There are just so many to remember!!!! lmao....
> 
> the meaning (I will always chose my kids over you. You are a bank account to me)


You will be prioritized behind my kids, my parents, my siblings, my friends and my pets. You’re lucky to be #14 on my list.


----------



## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> I reckon…I’m about to shut it down again. I can only take it for so long. Feels like My OCD is just nocking out notifications at this point
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I don't blame you. I couldn't deal with the number of notifications in my brief stint, so I went invisible and only responded to mutual likes. Maybe that might help you out? Otherwise, maybe you just need a break.


----------



## Elizabeth001

TXTrini said:


> I don't blame you. I couldn't deal with the number of notifications in my brief stint, so I went invisible and only responded to mutual likes. Maybe that might help you out? Otherwise, maybe you just need a break.


I’m thinking break & this thread is really driving that decision home.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> I’m thinking break & this thread is really driving that decision home.
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I hear you. If I wasn't in a relationship, I sure as hell wasn't going to look for one with this kinda thinking.


----------



## bobsmith

Elizabeth001 said:


> I’m thinking break & this thread is really driving that decision home.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Or you could spill and maybe get some neutral opinions. ? Or did I already scare ya? I took OLD serious for like 30 days and that was just it for me. Then I started with the "I guess I have to swipe right on something" so I did, and I got women that just did not jingle my bell. 

I will freely admit that I am insane picky......which is why I am building my life to remain single. I don't mean to discourage. Others have more optimism than I do. 

But I will guarantee you this, if you shared some stuff, I can probably help, or at least offer an honest opinion.


----------



## Bibi1031

I have not been on online dating since 2005! I met 2nd husband that way though. It was the same crap as now back then. I'm glad I went the normal way about 6 months ago. Mutual friends hooked us up. I used to hate that when I was divorced the first time (my firends always wanted me to date their brother, or uncle, cousin, etc. ). I prefer the old way than OLD to be honest.

When I wanted to take the plunge to OLD again...Covid stopped me!


----------



## southbound

bobsmith said:


> Just some OLD typical one liners I know by heart on women's profiles.
> 
> 1. Just seeing what is out there. (Hasn't even taken the ring off yet, but shopping asap)
> 2. Not interested in hook ups. (rarely the case. Some to the point of forceful)
> 3. Love working out (just started 1mo ago, lost 5lbs, now I am active)
> 4. Love to travel (looking for man to take me on vacas every weekend)
> 5. Recently lost some weight (usually a LOT and did not create any sustainable habits)
> 6. Love the outdoors (as long as an AC is 20 steps away)
> 7. Church going (either just started or total bible beater. Either way, you chose OLD??)
> 
> Notes.
> 1. If first pic is not of her, but of her pet, etc, you will be swiping left.
> 2. Top shelf catches are NOT on OLD. they don't need to be.
> 3. Read between the lines in the profile or via DMs and there is usually issues. Daddy, family, etc.
> 4. Women foolishly use their first name, making them easy to find their social profiles. Helps me a TON. target avoided.
> 5. They will turn over every rock of the Inet once you give any personal info. Do NOT do that!
> 6. If they try to drag you home after 1hr of meeting, that is what they are really doing on OLD.
> 7. If they are truly a 'catch', there is zero shot. Hundreds of DMs and she will pick Brad every time. You can bet your mom's house on it.


Correct on all. I also hate when they have obvious cleavage pics, bikini pics, or pics on the bed, but then goes on to describe how they are not looking for sex. What kind of comments do they think those pics will attract?


----------



## TXTrini

southbound said:


> Correct on all. I also hate when they have obvious cleavage pics, bikini pics, or pics on the bed, but then goes on to describe how they are not looking for sex. What kind of comments do they think those pics will attract?


Sounds like you're looking at scammers or barflys, brah. I don't know any decent woman who puts revealing pics on her profile if she's looking for a relationship. 

I might be wrong, I wasn't looking for women. However, while I included full-body pics, I was well covered, precisely to avoid thirsty men. 

How about skipped past those women?


----------



## Elizabeth001

TXTrini said:


> Sounds like you're looking at scammers or barflys, brah. I don't know any decent woman who puts revealing pics on her profile if she's looking for a relationship.
> 
> I might be wrong, I wasn't looking for women. However, while I included full-body pics, I was well covered, precisely to avoid thirsty men.
> 
> How about skipped past those women?


Spit it sister. I don’t even have a photo of myself with makeup on!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Diana7

southbound said:


> I’ve read the female version, except women always try to stress how they aren’t looking for sex. Apparently dating sites are only for women who don’t like sex.


Or maybe for women who like sex but are not wanting to jump right into it after a few dates.


----------



## Diana7

ccpowerslave said:


> 🍿🍿🍿😎





bobsmith said:


> Just some OLD typical one liners I know by heart on women's profiles.
> 
> 1. Just seeing what is out there. (Hasn't even taken the ring off yet, but shopping asap)
> 2. Not interested in hook ups. (rarely the case. Some to the point of forceful)
> 3. Love working out (just started 1mo ago, lost 5lbs, now I am active)
> 4. Love to travel (looking for man to take me on vacas every weekend)
> 5. Recently lost some weight (usually a LOT and did not create any sustainable habits)
> 6. Love the outdoors (as long as an AC is 20 steps away)
> 7. Church going (either just started or total bible beater. Either way, you chose OLD??)
> 
> Notes.
> 1. If first pic is not of her, but of her pet, etc, you will be swiping left.
> 2. Top shelf catches are NOT on OLD. they don't need to be.
> 3. Read between the lines in the profile or via DMs and there is usually issues. Daddy, family, etc.
> 4. Women foolishly use their first name, making them easy to find their social profiles. Helps me a TON. target avoided.
> 5. They will turn over every rock of the Inet once you give any personal info. Do NOT do that!
> 6. If they try to drag you home after 1hr of meeting, that is what they are really doing on OLD.
> 7. If they are truly a 'catch', there is zero shot. Hundreds of DMs and she will pick Brad every time. You can bet your mom's house on it.


No 7, why can't church goers do OLD? God is perfectly capable of using the internet  
Notes no 2, wrong, my husband is a top catch and we met on OLD. Sometimes you need to use OLD if you are wanting someone from a small minority, IE of a certain faith. In fact I know quite a few really top notch people who met on OLD


----------



## Bibi1031

Diana7 said:


> No 7, why can't church goers do OLD? God is perfectly capable of using the internet
> Notes no 2, wrong, *my husband is a top catch and we met on OLD. Sometimes you need to use OLD if you are wanting someone from a small minority,* IE of a certain faith. In fact I know quite a few really top notch people who met on OLD


How long ago were you OLD? What site was used? 

I used three different ones in 2005. I can't even really remember the names, but they were the 3 more popular at the time. Eharmony is the only one that still exists.LOL


----------



## bobsmith

As for finding a minority or even a majority, I find OLD to be completely worthless. People flat out lie. I don't get into body shaming but I do only consider more athletic types. On some you can select that, which narrows the field substantially. So then you try "average" and you learn they are ALL average! obesity is average today! 

And I also find it ridiculous to not be able to select a race. I don't consider that racism at all! Some people are only attracted to certain races. But I am sure some Karen would complain.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Elizabeth001 said:


> I’m thinking break & this thread is really driving that decision home.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Don’t. I met my current gf on OLD. Just weed through the crap. It’s tedious.


----------



## Bibi1031

It was pretty nasty in 2005, hence why I was on three. It was the same ole recycled peeps over and over. I thought there were lots of fish in the sea? I thought wrong. LOL


----------



## Married but Happy

Bibi1031 said:


> It was pretty nasty in 2005, hence why I was on three. It was the same ole recycled peeps over and over. _I thought there were lots of fish in the sea?_ I thought wrong. LOL


Some have evolved and become land dwellers!


----------



## Diana7

Diana7 said:


> No 7, why can't church goers do OLD? God is perfectly capable of using the internet
> Notes no 2, wrong, my husband is a top catch and we met on OLD. Sometimes you need to use OLD if you are wanting someone from a small minority, IE of a certain faith. In fact I know quite a few really top notch people who met on OLD


----------



## Diana7

RebuildingMe said:


> Don’t. I met my current gf on OLD. Just weed through the crap. It’s tedious.


Worth it though.


----------



## southbound

Can anyone recommend a dating site where the people are more normal, or are they all the same? If I have to read one more woman who is “adventurous” and loves the outdoors, kayaking, hiking, and loves to laugh, I may puke. Lol.


----------



## RebuildingMe

southbound said:


> Can anyone recommend a dating site where the people are more normal, or are they all the same? If I have to read one more woman who is “adventurous” and loves the outdoors, kayaking, hiking, and loves to laugh, I may puke. Lol.


I used match.com


----------



## Diana7

Dont use international ones, free ones or ones like tinder.


----------



## Rowan

southbound said:


> Can anyone recommend a dating site where the people are more normal, or are they all the same? If I have to read one more woman who is “adventurous” and loves the outdoors, kayaking, hiking, and loves to laugh, I may puke. Lol.


I was on eHarmony and Match. 

EHarmony was "slower", if you will. Fewer matches overall, but they mostly seemed fairly compatible. And none of the "hey, girl! hey!" messages from randoms clogging up my in-box. I had a several months-long relationship with a lovely man I met on eHarmony. 

Match resulted in more matches and moved "faster". But I also encountered more creeps, rage-aholics and guys looking for NSA hookups, plus a really unfortunate number of random **** pics in my in-box. So much so that, even with very selective filtering, I eventually just moved to incognito mode where the only guys who could even see my profile were ones I'd reached out to first. But I did eventually meet my now-husband on Match.


----------



## uhtred

I was looking at this and thought "that's pretty much what I'd say I was looking for". No one will ever accuse me of being "normal" but these seem fairly common interests for one sort of personality. (of course lots of other people enjoy different sets of things). 





southbound said:


> Can anyone recommend a dating site where the people are more normal, or are they all the same? If I have to read one more woman who is “adventurous” and loves the outdoors, kayaking, hiking, and loves to laugh, I may puke. Lol.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> I used match.com


I second Match. I met my bf there within the first week. He's a fellow introvert, a very intelligent, normal dude.



Rowan said:


> I was on eHarmony and Match.
> 
> EHarmony was "slower", if you will. Fewer matches overall, but they mostly seemed fairly compatible. And none of the "hey, girl! hey!" messages from randoms clogging up my in-box. I had a several months-long relationship with a lovely man I met on eHarmony.
> 
> Match resulted in more matches and moved "faster". But I also encountered more creeps, rage-aholics and guys looking for NSA hookups, plus a really unfortunate number of random **** pics in my in-box. So much so that, even with very selective filtering, I eventually just moved to incognito mode where the only guys who could even see my profile were ones I'd reached out to first. But I did eventually meet my now-husband on Match.


I met some weirdos on e-Harmony, including a guy who wanted to "be friends" to ***** about his ex. Also, e-Harmony kept matching me with me who lived 150+ miles away, even though I specifically wanted under 50 miles and quite honestly, I didn't find my matches attractive.


----------



## southbound

uhtred said:


> I was looking at this and thought "that's pretty much what I'd say I was looking for". No one will ever accuse me of being "normal" but these seem fairly common interests for one sort of personality. (of course lots of other people enjoy different sets of things).


True. I see nothing unusual about those interests for some women, but I didn’t assume that was ever woman’s interests. It does t matter if the woman weighs 300 pounds, she loves kayaking and hiking. I’d like to see a woman say she was into painting portraits with melted crayons and ant watching just to have something different.


----------



## Elizabeth001

southbound said:


> True. I see nothing unusual about those interests for some women, but I didn’t assume that was ever woman’s interests. It does t matter if the woman weighs 300 pounds, she loves kayaking and hiking. I’d like to see a woman say she was into painting portraits with melted crayons and ant watching just to have something different.


Do dog training and astronomy count? lol

Maybe that’s what I should put on there  


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## southbound

Elizabeth001 said:


> Do dog training and astronomy count? lol
> 
> Maybe that’s what I should put on there
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yes, at least that would be something different. 
I’d also like to see honesty and read that they work during the week and relax with Netflix in the evenings. On weekends, it’s lawn mowing and laundry.


----------



## Elizabeth001

southbound said:


> Yes, at least that would be something different.
> I’d also like to see honesty and read that they work during the week and relax with Netflix in the evenings. On weekends, it’s lawn mowing and laundry.


Well that’s my life but I doubt I would put laundry and cutting my grass on the weekends. I have something like I am introverted & enjoy doing projects around my house…and I do!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## southbound

Elizabeth001 said:


> Well that’s my life but I doubt I would put laundry and cutting my grass on the weekends. I have something like I am introverted & enjoy doing projects around my house…and I do!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That would be real and welcomed, but nobody puts reality. It’s always the highlights that they put.


----------



## Elizabeth001

southbound said:


> That would be real and welcomed, but nobody puts reality. It’s always the highlights that they put.


Well SB…being real and honest hasn’t really helped. OLD just plain sucks my friend. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## minimalME

southbound said:


> That would be real and welcomed, but *nobody puts reality.* It’s always the highlights that they put.


It's a form of advertising.

Online services are little more than brothels. For most people, true dating doesn't even exist anymore. Which is why I stopped.

It's bizarre and highly manipulative to be told that if I don't have sex with you by date 3, that I'm being prudish and withholding and dishonest. It just wasn't that long ago that the requirement for sex was marriage. Now it's less than a cumulative 24 hour period? That's nonsense.

A person with that expectation just wants an escort service - not a relationship. A connection may develop as a byproduct, but it's not the priority.


----------



## Lila

minimalME said:


> It's bizarre and highly manipulative to be told that if I don't have sex with you by date 3, that I'm being prudish and withholding and dishonest. It just wasn't that long ago that the requirement for sex was marriage. Now it's less than a cumulative 24 hour period? That's nonsense.
> 
> A person with that expectation just wants an escort service - not a relationship. A connection may develop as a byproduct, but it's not the priority.


I think people should have sex when they feel comfortable doing so. 

I also think that there should be no expectations beyond "just sex" if it happens before people really get to know each other. Nothing worse than listening to women complain that the guy dumped them after they had sex after having known each other for only a few hours (real face to face interactions, not texting/messaging).


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> I think people should have sex when they feel comfortable doing so.


Which is exactly what most are doing it seems - going by feelings. Lust primarily.

To me, it's like the two year old who wants xyz _now_. Promiscuous behavior is a form of immaturity.


----------



## southbound

minimalME said:


> It's a form of advertising.
> 
> Online services are little more than brothels. For most people, true dating doesn't even exist anymore. Which is why I stopped.
> 
> It's bizarre and highly manipulative to be told that if I don't have sex with you by date 3, that I'm being prudish and withholding and dishonest. It just wasn't that long ago that the requirement for sex was marriage. Now it's less than a cumulative 24 hour period? That's nonsense.
> 
> A person with that expectation just wants an escort service - not a relationship. A connection may develop as a byproduct, but it's not the priority.


I’m a guy, and I agree with that 100%. I think the culture has changed so much to sex right away that it’s often a reason to turn down a date. For example, if a guy meets a woman, or knows a woman from work and asks her out, if she’s had a bad day or maybe not having a great month, she may think he’s looking for sex, and she’s just not in the mood to deal with that right now, so she says no. The current culture doesn’t recognize that you could just go out, enjoy a meal and each other’s company and let that be that. Who knows, it might be enjoyable enough that both want a second date and just see how it goes. All the bad crap makes it difficult for an old fashioned person.


----------



## uhtred

I might argue that if someone politely indicates that they expect sex by the third date, it at least avoids any misunderstanding or people wasting their time with someone incompatible. 

Someone suggesting that not wanting sex by the 3rd date is "wrong" though is completely inappropriate. 



minimalME said:


> It's a form of advertising.
> 
> Online services are little more than brothels. For most people, true dating doesn't even exist anymore. Which is why I stopped.
> 
> It's bizarre and highly manipulative to be told that if I don't have sex with you by date 3, that I'm being prudish and withholding and dishonest. It just wasn't that long ago that the requirement for sex was marriage. Now it's less than a cumulative 24 hour period? That's nonsense.
> 
> A person with that expectation just wants an escort service - not a relationship. A connection may develop as a byproduct, but it's not the priority.


----------



## minimalME

uhtred said:


> I might argue that if someone politely indicates that they expect sex by the third date, it at least avoids any misunderstanding or people wasting their time with someone incompatible.
> 
> Someone suggesting that not wanting sex by the 3rd date is "wrong" though is completely inappropriate.


And you think men do this? Are upfront and clear and/or politely indicate their sexual timeline? 😂

Thankfully, I'm free to define right and wrong as I see fit, and you're free to disagree.


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## fluffycoco

has Anyone used dating.com site before how do you think about it?


----------



## Lila

minimalME said:


> Which is exactly what most are doing it seems - going by feelings. Lust primarily.
> 
> To me, it's like the two year old who wants xyz _now_. Promiscuous behavior is a form of immaturity.


I don't have issues with people's personal choices in sex. If they want to live a promiscuous life then great. If they want to live a chaste life, then great. Everything in between is great too. But it's important to understand that there are repercussions to every choice along the promiscuous -> chaste spectrum. 

My point is that people need to own their decisions. Be promiscuous because you enjoy recreational sex not because it's going to lead to "more" with whomever you're having sex. Be chaste because you rather be in a committed relationship to have sex, not because abstaining will lead to a relationship.


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## minimalME

Lila said:


> I don't have issues with people's personal choices in sex. If they want to live a promiscuous life then great. If they want to live a chaste life, then great. Everything in between is great too. But it's important to understand that there are repercussions to every choice along the promiscuous -> chaste spectrum.
> 
> My point is that people need to own their decisions. Be promiscuous because you enjoy recreational sex not because it's going to lead to "more" with whomever you're having sex. Be chaste because you rather be in a committed relationship to have sex, not because abstaining will lead to a relationship.


Speaking only for myself, my past choices were made out of fear and insecurity. I'm a poster child for daddy issues. 😬

And generally, my concern is for society as a whole. Decreased stability isn't good. Especially for women and children. 

People do make their own choices, but unfortunately, personal preferences don't stay personal like they once did. Now ideas spread like wildfire, and with everyone so willing to share what used to be considered private, it doesn't take any time for a warped idea to become mainstream and 'normal'.

And most people don't own their decisions. You know that. Maybe in an ideal world, but all you have to do is read the posts here to see how few folks take responsibility. For anything.


----------



## Elizabeth001

Haven’t read the last few posts but I’m copying this from the singles thread:

I thought about starting a thread in social that was titled “grass cutting music” but I’ve decided that I should just erase everything on my online profile and just say:

Foreigner 4 

Eat. The. Whole. Album.

That’s what I want. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## minimalME

Elizabeth001 said:


> I thought about starting a thread in social that was titled “grass cutting music” but I’ve decided that I should just erase everything on my online profile and just say:


I think that's actually a very clever idea. 

Pair your favorite music with normal, daily stuff. Taking out the trash, laundry, washing dishes. Cooking music and cutting grass. Leaves off the roof. Shoveling snow off the sidewalk. Vacuuming.


----------



## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> Well SB…being real and honest hasn’t really helped. OLD just plain sucks my friend.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You know mutual sucking's better right?
_wink wink_


----------



## uhtred

I don't know. I'd hope they would, but I haven't dated since the invention of electricity......





minimalME said:


> And you think men do this? Are upfront and clear and/or politely indicate their sexual timeline? 😂
> 
> Thankfully, I'm free to define right and wrong as I see fit, and you're free to disagree.


----------



## Diana7

Rowan said:


> I was on eHarmony and Match.
> 
> EHarmony was "slower", if you will. Fewer matches overall, but they mostly seemed fairly compatible. And none of the "hey, girl! hey!" messages from randoms clogging up my in-box. I had a several months-long relationship with a lovely man I met on eHarmony.
> 
> Match resulted in more matches and moved "faster". But I also encountered more creeps, rage-aholics and guys looking for NSA hookups, plus a really unfortunate number of random **** pics in my in-box. So much so that, even with very selective filtering, I eventually just moved to incognito mode where the only guys who could even see my profile were ones I'd reached out to first. But I did eventually meet my now-husband on Match.


It always amazes me how men think that sending pics of their ** will make us want them.


----------



## RebuildingMe

When I was on OLD and had a match and we escalated to talking on the phone (pretty quickly), I would always be asked what I was looking for. I had a top 5 list, and sexually compatibility was on it, along with honesty, education, career, independence, etc. It would always spur discussions on the topics, including sex. I’d usually know where they stand on that issue before we met.


----------



## minimalME

RebuildingMe said:


> When I was on OLD and had a match and we escalated to talking on the phone (pretty quickly), I would always be asked what I was looking for. I had a top 5 list, and sexually compatibility was on it, along with honesty, education, career, independence, etc. It would always spur discussions on the topics, including sex. I’d usually know where they stand on that issue before we met.


Right, but did you clearly and directly state that you expected sex by date 3 or you weren't interested? Have you ever said that to a woman?


----------



## TXTrini

Diana7 said:


> It always amazes me how men think that sending pics of their ** will make us want them.


Welllll it depends on who's **** pic it is....


----------



## Lila

Maybe it's just me but I stopped asking men what they were looking for. Few actually admitted they were not interested in anything serious. Instead I learned to limit my pre face to face meetups to screening for objective deal breakers. I also kept texting/messaging to a minimum and used it strictly for fun chit chat. 

Compatibility conversations were limited to face to face interactions because communication is 7% spoken word, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language. I also learned to ask questions the right way. Instead of asking "are you looking for a serious relationship?", I would ask "do you want to be in a serious, monogamous relationship with me?". Serious guys didn't bat an eye with a solid yes. The ones looking for casual hemmed, hawed, rolled their eyes, laughed at me, and generally avoided eye contact before answering with a "yeah, sure baby. Anything you want". Thanks but no thanks.


----------



## RebuildingMe

minimalME said:


> Right, but did you clearly and directly state that you expected sex by date 3 or you weren't interested? Have you ever said that to a woman?


No never. However, I would ask a few questions regarding their view on sex, try to see how adventurous they were, see if anything was “off the table”, etc and would try to gather enough information. Also, undoubtedly we’d always talk about ex spouses and why we were divorced. When talking about their ex husband and divorce, I would flatly ask if they remained sexual (in a why as if to say is that what contributed to your divorce, not in a creepy way). If they said anything along the lines of they stopped having sex (I didn’t care who did with who), I wouldn’t pursue it any further.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Instead of asking "are you looking for a serious relationship?", I would ask "do you want to be in a serious, monogamous relationship *with me*?".


That’s a loaded question. How could I honestly answer that question without knowing you first? Without knowing if we were compatible in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom? I think that question would weird me out if asked too soon.


----------



## minimalME

RebuildingMe said:


> That’s a loaded question. How could I honestly answer that question without knowing you first? Without knowing if we were compatible in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom?* I think that question would weird me out if asked too soon.*


Really? 😂

You think _your_ questions and expectations are reasonable, but Lila’s aren’t? There’s a ‘too soon’ for you? 😂

Again, this is because the priority for you is the sex, and not necessarily the person attached to the vagina - who is _always_ viewed as disposable. Which is very male and why it’s not in the best interest of women.


----------



## Personal

minimalME said:


> Which is exactly what most are doing it seems - going by feelings. Lust primarily.


Thank **** for lust!

Since without it my wife wouldn't have asked me out on our first date. And I wouldn't have said yes when she asked me out.

Yet 25 years and almost 1 month later, my wife and I are still happily enjoying each other. All from a starting point of us both wanting nothing more than some short term no strings attached fun together.


----------



## minimalME

Personal said:


> Thank **** for lust!
> 
> Since without it my wife wouldn't have asked me out on our first date. And I wouldn't have said yes when she asked me out.
> 
> Yet 25 years and almost 1 month later, my wife and I are still happily enjoying each other. All from a starting point of us both wanting nothing more than some short term no strings attached fun together.


I included couples like you in my previous caveat and consider you the exception - and I only know about you because of the internet.

In over half a century of living, a history like yours isn’t something I’ve come across.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> That’s a loaded question. *How could I honestly answer that question without knowing you first?* Without knowing if we were compatible in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom? I think that question would weird me out if asked too soon.


This is a chicken or the egg situation. I feel the same about this question as you feel about sex questions or sexual compatibility. Men who jump into the sex questions right away weird me out. 

I only speak "relationship" in person, on dates, and I am not jumping into serious questions about sex, religious views, political views, future planning, relationship goals, etc right away. It's not a job interview. My system is the equivalent of the never ending texting but in person. It slows thing down significantly and provides me the "quality time" I need to determine overall compatibility, feel safe, and want to be vulnerable with this person. Anyone who is looking to get laid after date 3 is the equivalent of the guy texting "what's your favorite sexual position" after about 20 messages. Usually by date 3, the only thing I have determined are a few tidbits here and there, that they don't have any of my deal breakers, and _possibly_ that there's chemistry.

To my credit, most guys i have met from online dating say the same thing, " You're easy and fun to talk to" and it's because I'm not putting on the full court press with questions and I treat it as a fun outing with a friend. No pressure casual dating. 

The issue for me is practicing patience and listening to my red flag o meter. It's never wrong but I've chosen to ignore it. I'm the only one to blame for getting involved with incompatible people.


----------



## fluffycoco

Talking about sex by date 3. I met a guy online we met & hiked in a small park for about 1.5 hours we exchanged texts few times afterwords 2 weeks later he told me I deserved having sex with him and emphasized he could give a nice treat to lick I even barely know him really do guys not understand between making love and rape


----------



## RebuildingMe

fluffycoco said:


> Talking about sex by date 3. I met a guy online we met & hiked in a small park for about 1.5 hours we exchanged texts few times afterwords 2 weeks later he told me I deserved having sex with him and emphasized he could give a nice treat to lick I even barely know him really do guys not understand between making love and rape


Most guys know what rape is dear. We’re not talking about rape in this thread. Choose your words wisely.


----------



## Personal

fluffycoco said:


> Talking about sex by date 3. I met a guy online we met & hiked in a small park for about 1.5 hours we exchanged texts few times afterwords 2 weeks later he told me I deserved having sex with him and emphasized he could give a nice treat to lick I even barely know him really do guys not understand between making love and rape


It is not rape if someone says you deserve having sex with them. Just as it isn't rape if someone tells you, they would treat you with a sexual activity.


----------



## southbound

I’m updating things I enjoy on my profile. Does anyone have any suggestions, or is it good: 

Things I enjoy:

-breathing oxygen. 

being able to walk
I love to laugh even when nothing is funny
I like being a free thinker; nobody charges me for thinking
a partner in crime, because a criminal is a real catch
I like someone who is intelligent, because I have trouble with those child-proof tops.
kayaking even though I only did it once in ten years
I like anything outdoors, especially a path getting to the indoors where there is a/c.


----------



## gold5932

How do you use OLD if you can't use your real name or post a pic due to business concerns? Also, i'm over 60 and divorced, how do you write a introduction that doesn't sound super lame? And how do you sort out the real from the fake?


----------



## Elizabeth001

gold5932 said:


> How do you use OLD if you can't use your real name or post a pic due to business concerns? Also, i'm over 60 and divorced, how do you write a introduction that doesn't sound super lame? And how do you sort out the real from the fake?


Uh…yeah…no advice. Just wanted to wish you good luck. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Elizabeth001

southbound said:


> I’m updating things I enjoy on my profile. Does anyone have any suggestions, or is it good:
> 
> Things I enjoy:
> 
> -breathing oxygen.
> 
> being able to walk
> I love to laugh even when nothing is funny
> I like being a free thinker; nobody charges me for thinking
> a partner in crime, because a criminal is a real catch
> I like someone who is intelligent, because I have trouble with those child-proof tops.
> kayaking even though I only did it once in ten years
> I like anything outdoors, especially a path getting to the indoors where there is a/c.


SB…I’m now thinking we really do need to have at least one date… 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## southbound

Elizabeth001 said:


> SB…I’m now thinking we really do need to have at least one date…
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That could be. I assume you are not an adventurer either?


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## Elizabeth001

southbound said:


> That could be. I assume you are not an adventurer either?


Well…I do like to seek out new parks where the doggo can go. VA is full of them, which I discovered when I got into geocaching for a while. I haven’t since my divorce though. Not a very fun solo activity. Does that count?


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## Blondilocks

RebuildingMe said:


> If they said anything along the lines of they stopped having sex (I didn’t care who did with who), I wouldn’t pursue it any further.


Wouldn't you have failed your own test?


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## Blondilocks

Elizabeth001 said:


> SB…I’m now thinking we really do need to have at least one date…
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


🤣 I'm making a list.


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## southbound

Elizabeth001 said:


> Well…I do like to seek out new parks where the doggo can go. VA is full of them, which I discovered when I got into geocaching for a while. I haven’t since my divorce though. Not a very fun solo activity. Does that count?
> 
> That’s not bad at all. I could handle that.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Lila

gold5932 said:


> How do you use OLD if you can't use your real name or post a pic due to business concerns? Also, i'm over 60 and divorced, how do you write a introduction that doesn't sound super lame? And how do you sort out the real from the fake?


1. You don't use OLD (legitimately) if you can't post pics due to business. Most men with no pic profiles or the headless photos are cheaters. 

2. Be positive and genuine on your profile and you'll do fine. 

3. Anything that looks too good to be true, is probably fake.


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## Lila

Elizabeth001 said:


> SB…I’m now thinking we really do need to have at least one date…
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





southbound said:


> That could be. I assume you are not an adventurer either?


Please, please, please...... Can we do a date recap like on the gameshow Love Connection?


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## Elizabeth001

Blondilocks said:


> I'm making a list.


No worries…I’m still too broken over my little furry guy 


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## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> SB…I’m now thinking we really do need to have at least one date…
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





southbound said:


> That could be. I assume you are not an adventurer either?


Ahem.., suggested this pages back

😲 You two are killing me!


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## RebuildingMe

Blondilocks said:


> Wouldn't you have failed your own test?


Correct, I did. So when I make comments like that, it’s because of things I am still learning.


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