# Would like to know how other couples do their finances....



## AMD (Feb 28, 2012)

My husband recently opened his own account.. He said I took all his money. because I was in charge of all of the finances.. and He really didn't know how much things cost... But anyways now we have separate accounts and he is paying his portion of his bills to me when he gets paid and I pay all of the bills.. Is that normal? Do a lot of couples have separate accounts and separate the bills? This is new to me so I am not used to it. I make much less then my husband and he expects me to pay half of the bills which is more then my paychecks... and we argue a lot about it. Because I think we should have joint account because we are married.. So what I would like to know is how other couples do their finances... Please share


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have had my own account since i was 15. Didn't give it up at marriage.

Neither did Hubs.

We have access to each other's accounts...and PINs...but our money is in our own account and we split the household bills.

We don't hide money. We see each other's pay stubs, but this just works well for us.

He does mortgage, phones, car insurance, pet insurance and his own bills. I do day care, utilities, food and anything else for the home.

It's pretty balanced. We've never fought about money.


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

We have had one account for 29 years. i make most of the money, but she has full access to it all and takes care of all the bills.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

My H and I have separate accounts; we actually have three accounts. We each have a separate account for weekly money and then a main account for the bills. Both of our pay checks go into the main account. It used to be that my H took care of all the bills but now we sit down and do bills together twice a month.


----------



## transformedxian (Dec 31, 2011)

We have a joint checking account and two saving accounts. One's joint and one is currently in his name (his has $5 in it). He's going to put me on his account, and we're going to structure one account as an emergency fund and the other with "dip-in" savings, like for Christmas shopping and the things we save up for through the year.

He brings in most of the income; my business isn't quite yet big enough to fully supplement his, but it helps some. However, I take care of paying all the bills.

I recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University to help you both get fully together on your finances. It took me a long time to get past the need to have my own personal savings account. There's a lot of trust involved in sharing money.

~Sara


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't think it's a trust thing.

I think it's just a preference. Just because a couple doesn't share bank accounts doesn't mean they have trust issues. 

I bank with a credit union. Hubs uses BofA which I despise. He won't join my bank because it's centralized about 80 miles away ( i do all banking online and at ATMs). He likes going to the bank  Weirdo.


----------



## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

We have a joint account. At the end of every month we sit and on our dry erase board calendar we map out the monthly bills and once we get paid we discuss how much we are going to save and how much our weekly budget will be.

It works well for us. I pay the bills and we both discuss any purchases over $100.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

We have joint checking. When we first married we had separate accounts. We didn't combine accounts until after 5 years of marriage. I prefer joint checking, just because its easier for us overall, but I don't mind doing separate as long as its all fair and for the common goal.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

We have separate accounts at the same bank, plus a joint savings account. We have online access to each other's account... so no secrets. 

We've each paid more than half the amount of the bills at various times, depending on what's going on. But really, my h is an awesome money manager and helps me budget and pile up some money... which came in handy this past year as all the major appliances went out, one at a time! It was awesome to have the money to pay for new ones! 

He wouldn't demand that I pay half of the bills if my check couldn't cover it....that doesn't even make sense. Either he'd throw in a higher percentage in or we'd lower the expenses! 

Communication is the key. Money is tight right now, but we talk and budget, and tell what we spent where, it's all good when the communication is there.


----------



## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

My wife and I have a joint acct and both get paid on the same dates every 2 weeks we both go over the bills 
She pays them on line and I write everything down and reconcile the checkbook
We both have atm cards and write things down when they occur we also have a jt savings acct 
And contribute to it every 2 weeks when she was a sahm she took care of all the bills
Now we do it together we use the policy of joint agreement on anything over 100.00 actually we tell each other everything we spend just so the other person is awhere. It works for us been m 12 yrs now .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Joint account and I have a super savings account for the kids and a checking account that's mine alone.

He has access to my card that can access the other two accounts and I have no issues with it and both our cards access the joint. We have a joint (in his name mind you) "pay as you go" Visa because we don't do real credit cards because we both dislike them greatly but these days you need at least one according to consumer society.

Other than that, I pay the bills and keep track (including his like the vehicle ins, vehicle payments, etc) because I'm better at it than he is (accounting courses in college and I've done payroll for a huge company in the past).

We don't split anything, in fact, the last three years I've been carrying the larger income into the household and paying the bills with it. He makes less than a fifth of what I make and we're both okay with that.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Wife and I have had separate finances for 25+ years and only once argued about money. I make about double what she does but we pay the bills as needed, not 50/50. We both have separate checking, savings, 501K, IRAs, mutual funds and Credit Cards. We both have signature rights, PINs and passwords to all assets. Totally transparent and it works well for us. Probably the most important thing is we we are very like minded on how we spend our money and always discuss major purchases for agreement.


----------



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

AMD said:


> I make much less then my husband and he expects me to pay half of the bills which is more then my paychecks... and we argue a lot about it.


You need to sit down and do a household budget with your H because that logic is not right...IMHO. 

The way we do it is both our paychecks goes into a joint account. We pay the bills, and other household expenses out of that. Not sure what we do with the leftover, never had any before now


----------



## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

In my view, we are married, it is all our money, our bills, etc. So, only joint account.


----------



## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

Our checks go to the same account and she manages the finances. 
Early on in our marriage it was obvious she was more responsible for our finances than I was - so I let her take charge.
Its lead to issues over the years, since shes more frugal than me, she gets annoyed that I don't find the best deal before a purchase - like she does. I get irritated that she haggles with me over every purchase she doesn't approve of - and bigger purchases are a no-go until she says yes. Its gotten better over the years, I try and be more budget-conscious and she tries to not get on my case over every buy (even though we do backslide at times). 
However, considering our earnings, our finances are in good order.


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

AMD said:


> My husband recently opened his own account.. He said I took all his money. because I was in charge of all of the finances.. and He really didn't know how much things cost... But anyways now we have separate accounts and he is paying his portion of his bills to me when he gets paid and I pay all of the bills.. Is that normal? Do a lot of couples have separate accounts and separate the bills? This is new to me so I am not used to it. I make much less then my husband and he expects me to pay half of the bills which is more then my paychecks... and we argue a lot about it. Because I think we should have joint account because we are married.. So what I would like to know is how other couples do their finances... Please share


We keep everything together as 'our' money. I understand why people keep seperate accounts with contributions based on pay, and why it would make sense for some people. Still, my wife and I look at day to day finances in a way that includes our retirement plans. Just by the nature of my job, my contribution to our retirement each year eclipses hers, so there is just no way she could contribute equally after she retires.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

AMD said:


> My husband recently opened his own account.. He said I took all his money. because I was in charge of all of the finances.. and He really didn't know how much things cost... But anyways now we have separate accounts and he is paying his portion of his bills to me when he gets paid and I pay all of the bills.. Is that normal? Do a lot of couples have separate accounts and separate the bills? This is new to me so I am not used to it. I make much less then my husband and he expects me to pay half of the bills which is more then my paychecks... and we argue a lot about it. Because I think we should have joint account because we are married.. So what I would like to know is how other couples do their finances... Please share


Well, you've seen a wide range of money management practices.

I want to note that your husband's behavior is seriously problematic. Either he does not understand what stuff costs and does not respect what you contribute to the family and thinks it should be more.

If he's accurately splitting the bills in half, he knows what stuff costs (at least now). I am assuming you've told him what you make. His conduct says that, for some reason, he does not feel like contributing towards your lifestyle. Not knowing the details, all I can do is suggest you find out why he feels this way.


----------



## frankd (Feb 22, 2012)

Wow, my wife and I couldn't imagine a concept where we would "split" household expenses, nor who makes more or who pays more.
Together 22 years and we've had joint accounts for 23.
Simply put, there is no mine, only ours.
Having said that however, I know she keeps a little stash for a rainy day and so do I. She knows I know and I know she knows, but we pretend that we don't. It's our little game.
But there's another issue to consider: in case of sudden death or an emergency where one spouse is incapacitated, a joint account gives the other spouse unimpeded access to cash, which may be very important at such a time.
Also, for those who maintain totally separate finances, confirm how your home and other investments are held. However it works in your state, there should be right of survivorship so things automatically transfer to the surviving spouse without getting tangled up in probate. (I'm not a lawyer or anything, I just have to know a little bit about this stuff for my work)


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

frankd said:


> Wow, my wife and I couldn't imagine a concept where we would "split" household expenses, nor who makes more or who pays more.
> Together 22 years and we've had joint accounts for 23.
> Simply put, there is no mine, only ours.


I'd like to clarify that although we keep separate finances the money is very much ours and we pay expenses as needed. Some generally fall to one of the other of us but we are pretty fluid. I think either way is great if it works for the couple. As suggested earlier in the thread, I believe the OP's husband has some serious trust and control issues.


----------



## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Wife and I started out with joint account. The problem was that she would get pissed if I used the debit card and not tell her.

So, I opened my own account and give her money every week to pay all the bills she is responsible for. I pay the mortgage and her auto. We do have access to each others account if we want to. She has never asked me to look at my account in 15 years. I have looked at hers a couple times. Only because she should have a surplus but never does.

I would not worry about it. Remember marriage is a partnership. If you do not trust your partner you should not be married.


----------



## Chrissie0511 (Mar 1, 2012)

I am also interested in this question because my husband and I were married May 21 of last year and we each have our own account, I can't stand it because I feel like I am paying for a majority of the things needed in the home like groceries, toiletries, etc, on top of our monthly bills, (we each pay certain bills) I go get what is needed when it is needed and I don't ask for repayment of this. I have gotten to the point that when there are certain things I buy for myself or my kids, and I tell him and his kids no or mark them because I am buying certain things for certain meals or reasons and he wasn't seeming to care when I would say no, he would just do it anyways, and if he was putting money into these groceries it would be a different story, but when I am in the grocery store I am usually buying certain meats or foods for certain meals. I'm a little frustrated with it.


----------



## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

we have a joint acct that half of our pay goes into and with that acct we pay large bills and major expenses, the other half goes into our private accounts. we make roughly the same amount so its not a big deal and it prevents fighting over little expenses, i dont need to know what her shoes cost ans she doesnt need to know how much my video game costs. however, if she made less i would certainly find a different arrangement or contribute more, especially if she was working part time inorder to raise kids or something.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Money is usually in the way of relationships. 

Some people love money so much that they don't mind losing a valuable relationship. 

Joint account or separate accounts, as long as the husband and wife agree and they are happy with the way they are doing, then there are no problems. 

If the husband makes more money, why doesn't he want to let his wife spend some of his money? 

My father used to guard all his money and he wouldn't let my mother touch it, the result is that my mother bitters all her life and now she can't stand living with him. 

But if a woman wants to manage their money, she has to prove to her husband she is a responsible person and she is careful with money. Nobody wants to give his money to a spender to look after. After all, he works hard for it. 

I think when the woman is in charge of the finance, she feels more secure about their marriage. 

My husband and I have several bank accounts, but they are all in my name. He gives his salary to me as soon as he gets it. He makes more money, but he also gets to spend more money. Whenever he wants something, he gets it right away.


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I'm the bigger earner in the relationship so whatever money I make is our money, whatever money she makes is her money. 
I proposed it to be this way.


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

AMD said:


> My husband recently opened his own account.. He said I took all his money. because I was in charge of all of the finances.. and He really didn't know how much things cost... But anyways now we have separate accounts and he is paying his portion of his bills to me when he gets paid and I pay all of the bills.. Is that normal? Do a lot of couples have separate accounts and separate the bills? This is new to me so I am not used to it. I make much less then my husband and he expects me to pay half of the bills which is more then my paychecks... and we argue a lot about it. Because I think we should have joint account because we are married.. So what I would like to know is how other couples do their finances... Please share



We have separate accounts for the time being, until I am earning income again. Even when I finish school, there is no way my husband will expect me to pay half since I will still be making much less than what he does. The spouse who earns more should pay more! Your husband is being unfair and miserly.


----------



## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

This has nothing to do with separate or joint accounts. We do separate, but either way is fine if both agree. The issue is the unfair division of how much each of you have to pay. If half if more than you make, he needs to pay more.

We do split 50/50 but that's because we make almost the same amount. If that changed we'd change how we split bills. 

Only a selfish person would expect to do 50/50 regardless of income.


----------



## wayne81 (Mar 12, 2012)

Confused_and_bitter said:


> We have a joint account. At the end of every month we sit and on our dry erase board calendar we map out the monthly bills and once we get paid we discuss how much we are going to save and how much our weekly budget will be.
> 
> It works well for us. I pay the bills and we both discuss any purchases over $100.


Oh boy, let the fireworks fly! I am of the "family unit" style of monetary matters. If it's all in one account I know at a glance how much money we have, and I don't have to stress or go looking for the invisible portion of our money. Our split is roughly 60% me, 40% her. We started marriage as a joint account, then my wife became displeased about not knowing how much money we had (because she wouldn't keep up with it) and having "ask permission" to spend. We tried separate accounts for a couple of years but my stress level was through the roof because I really did not know where a good chunk of our money was. It was not well-advertised how her account was doing. After looking through a year's worth of bank statements, I now see why she never told me anything.

I say "our" money for a reason. If we were single it would be mine or hers, but in a marriage I feel it's collectively "ours". It pays for "our" home, "our" food, "our" kids' things, etc.

I have told her it is not a matter of asking me for permission, because it's our money. She feels what she makes is hers to spend. Unfortunately, we really don't make enough to have our own money. It's all for bills. I am find with small purchases but I agree that anything over $100 we need to discuss. She hates this because she doesn't feel like she can spend any money, but what she doesn't understand is "we" really can't spend any money. I am right there with her.


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

We have joint accounts. Thats it. I think 'his' and 'hers' becomes a non issue eventually, in no small measure because of this.

We lived together for about 5 years and had separate accounts - which makes sense. After we got married, inertia kept it that way for a few years...and we did have different banks... but eventually we decided "Whats the point"? and just comingled it all. Its a pain in the a$$ at first and a little disconcerting to give it up and go 'all in'. Now, 20 years later, purchases get made, debts paid, blah blah... bottom line is it comes from 'our' account. I really believe that it is the right way to go. Its also much easier getting a grip on what you have and where it is going. I also think our attitudes towards 'our' assets has changed over time because of it. There is no 'you pay' or 'i pay'. We both are pretty trusting as well... so she doesnt ask me about what she is buying and I dont ask her permission either... unless we feel there is a need to discuss it - maybe over a few hundred bucks or something, and not something that was required... like getting something fixed. We would discuss a new diningroom set. We wouldnt discuss a new phone or a pile of clothes that one of us needed.

Some of you may want to kill me for saying so - but I honestly believe that the need to have separate accounts is merely a sign of insecurity and grasping for 'control' of ones own independent life. I'm not being critical here - and that may work for some.

*shrug* to each their own, I suppose. I certainly dont claim to be the grand-pooh-bah of marital finances - but I would no more segregate our finances than I would sleep in seperate beds. Again, why bother? 

We share a few credit cards - but we each have 1 credit card of our 'own'. That way, if someone loses a wallet, the other has at least 1 credit card that doesnt have to be cancelled. It is also a nice way, I suppose, to keep birthday gift purchases etc secret.... but even that isnt a big reason anymore, as we both can see all the transactions electronically hitting the bank within seconds. (rolleyes) But we dont carry balances, so really its just a convenience.. I mean checkbooks and cash are going the way of the dodo pretty quick.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I have had my own account since i was 15. Didn't give it up at marriage.
> 
> Neither did Hubs.
> 
> ...


This is almost exactly how we do it too.

I totally agree that the issue isn't whether they have a joint account, but how much he's expecting her to pay. Having a joint account didn't solve their problems obviously.


----------



## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Separate accounts has saved us a lot of fighting over money. In the end we both understand that it's our money (we are joint owners on both), however, separate accounts enables us to each manage our money the way we want to. We agree high level financial goals and savings objectives but how we manage day to day is not seen by the other (we don't hide anything but rather her account is her domain and mine is mine). We have uneven income which we simply even out by each of us taking a share of the bills (uneven to reflect uneven income).

works very well. Nothing wrong with separate accounts and it implies nothing about trust, closeness, etc, etc. I would argue that joint accounts creates an environment of greater scrutiny and oversight as compared to separate accounts which have a built in level of trust in that you allow the other to manage a portion of the joint funds as they wish.


----------



## Skylar (Oct 3, 2011)

My husband and I have one account, which is joint. He has his own credit card and I have my own as well. We do have access to each others accounts though. We work out our finances together, although my husband tends to do the finances more than I do.


----------



## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

My wife and I have separate accounts and split the bills 50/50 (we both make about the same amount of money). We do not share credit cards and do not access each other's accounts. She can spend whatever she wants on whatever she wants and vice versa. I don't think we have ever argued about money (she and I have similar philosophies regarding spending and saving)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

My H will tell you: He didn't have any $$ money when he met me and he still doesn't! He hasn't 'seen' a paycheck in years. It's been direct deposited or mailed to me (he travels 8mth a year for work) for over 15 years. Lol! 

All our accounts have been joint since before we were married. We both worked then; now he's the 'breadwinner' and I'm a 'Domestic Engineer'. The $$ goes in and I pay the bills; been that way since day one. He's NEVER complained once. He needs money/something, he knows where/how to get it (debit card, credit card, etc). I have our budget done 6m to a 1yr in advance so we know when we're looking to purchase something, when the cash (we pay cash for everything except our house & vehicles) will be there to pay for it. This has worked for us for almost 20 years and neither of us sees a reason to change it.


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I already how most people do they are poor and struggling and putting everything on credit and living with a cloud above their head and dream of things they cannot have or the "dream" life they failed to reach. 

In a marriage you should share but yeah


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

My W and I do 50/50 on all of the bills. Seems to be the most fair way and hey, it works.


----------

