# I posted



## FeelingBetrayed1957 (5 mo ago)

Hello I am a 64 year old guy who has been married for 44 years. There have been some ups and downs but for the most part they have been good years that I wouldn't trade for anything. I was involved in a accident on August 8 of 2015. I rear ended a backhoe that was going down the highway. I was traveling at 69 miles per hour when I struck the back hoe. The driver of the backhoe was ejected through the windshield of the machine and was severely injured. I have no memory of the accident. My first memory after the accident was coming to in the ER. I asked what happened and the State Trooper told me what I had done. I was not on my phone or texting at the time of the accident. I am still 
haunted about it to this day. I have wished I could die many times and at one point had my suicide pretty well planed out. My wife kept that from happening. My wife was in Alaska seeing our daughter when a guy from our small town parked the backhoe that I had hit in the alley next to our garage. It was there for the 2 weeks that I was home alone that 2 weeks was very hard I drank myself into a stupor every night so I could go to bed and sleep. For the last 7 years the guy who was responsible for the backhoe being parked next to our garage has made my life hell as often as he can. I just don't know what to do about him. I know what I would like to do but I can't. I still think that the only way the pain will ever stop is when I am dead. Then today my wife informed me that she has become friendly with this guy. That is about all I can take I feel totally betrayed. Don't know what to do.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

FeelingBetrayed1957 said:


> Hello I am a 64 year old guy who has been married for 44 years. There have been some ups and downs but for the most part they have been good years that I wouldn't trade for anything. I was involved in a accident on August 8 of 2015. I rear ended a backhoe that was going down the highway. I was traveling at 69 miles per hour when I struck the back hoe. The driver of the backhoe was ejected through the windshield of the machine and was severely injured. I have no memory of the accident. My first memory after the accident was coming to in the ER. I asked what happened and the State Trooper told me what I had done. I was not on my phone or texting at the time of the accident. I am still
> haunted about it to this day. I have wished I could die many times and at one point had my suicide pretty well planed out. My wife kept that from happening. My wife was in Alaska seeing our daughter when a guy from our small town parked the backhoe that I had hit in the alley next to our garage. It was there for the 2 weeks that I was home alone that 2 weeks was very hard I drank myself into a stupor every night so I could go to bed and sleep. For the last 7 years the guy who was responsible for the backhoe being parked next to our garage has made my life hell as often as he can. I just don't know what to do about him. I know what I would like to do but I can't. I still think that the only way the pain will ever stop is when I am dead. Then today my wife informed me that she has become friendly with this guy. That is about all I can take I feel totally betrayed. Don't know what to do.


@FeelingBetrayed1957 Welcome to TAM.

I am truly sorry for your situation. There is no way I can offer you any advice except I will say that alcohol is probably making your situation worse. I do have some questions though.

Have you thought about moving away from there?
Have you been to therapy to help with these problems?
Has your wife actually been unfaithful or is she headed that way?

I am pulling for you to get out of the nightmare you are living.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

FeelingBetrayed1957 said:


> Hello I am a 64 year old guy who has been married for 44 years. There have been some ups and downs but for the most part they have been good years that I wouldn't trade for anything. I was involved in a accident on August 8 of 2015. I rear ended a backhoe that was going down the highway. I was traveling at 69 miles per hour when I struck the back hoe. The driver of the backhoe was ejected through the windshield of the machine and was severely injured. I have no memory of the accident. My first memory after the accident was coming to in the ER. I asked what happened and the State Trooper told me what I had done. I was not on my phone or texting at the time of the accident. I am still
> haunted about it to this day. I have wished I could die many times and at one point had my suicide pretty well planed out. My wife kept that from happening. My wife was in Alaska seeing our daughter when a guy from our small town parked the backhoe that I had hit in the alley next to our garage. It was there for the 2 weeks that I was home alone that 2 weeks was very hard I drank myself into a stupor every night so I could go to bed and sleep. For the last 7 years the guy who was responsible for the backhoe being parked next to our garage has made my life hell as often as he can. I just don't know what to do about him. I know what I would like to do but I can't. I still think that the only way the pain will ever stop is when I am dead. Then today my wife informed me that she has become friendly with this guy. That is about all I can take I feel totally betrayed. Don't know what to do.


Maybe your wife being friendly to this guy will make him stop wanting to do this. I would at least wait and see. If he continues harassment I would get an attorney.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

I would seek professional counseling to address your trauma. I hope you will.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

What exactly do you mean when you said she has become friendly with the guy harassing you ?
What kind of harassment ?
Do you trust your wife ?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

FeelingBetrayed1957 said:


> Hello I am a 64 year old guy who has been married for 44 years. There have been some ups and downs but for the most part they have been good years that I wouldn't trade for anything. I was involved in a accident on August 8 of 2015. I rear ended a backhoe that was going down the highway. I was traveling at 69 miles per hour when I struck the back hoe. The driver of the backhoe was ejected through the windshield of the machine and was severely injured. I have no memory of the accident. My first memory after the accident was coming to in the ER. I asked what happened and the State Trooper told me what I had done. I was not on my phone or texting at the time of the accident. I am still
> haunted about it to this day. I have wished I could die many times and at one point had my suicide pretty well planed out. My wife kept that from happening. My wife was in Alaska seeing our daughter when a guy from our small town parked the backhoe that I had hit in the alley next to our garage. It was there for the 2 weeks that I was home alone that 2 weeks was very hard I drank myself into a stupor every night so I could go to bed and sleep. For the last 7 years the guy who was responsible for the backhoe being parked next to our garage has made my life hell as often as he can. I just don't know what to do about him. I know what I would like to do but I can't. I still think that the only way the pain will ever stop is when I am dead. Then today my wife informed me that she has become friendly with this guy. That is about all I can take I feel totally betrayed. Don't know what to do.


We are all human and as such make mistakes. Some mistakes have trivial consequences and others have huge consequences. You can change the past. You can only live for the future. 

First let me say that I have had a suicide in my wife's family and suicide does not solve problems it just caused problems for the people who loved the deceased. When you commit suicide the people that love you ask them selves if they could have done something to prevent it. They wonder if they are partially at fault. It really hurts the people you love.

You really should get some individual counseling, I would also suggest that you get some spiritual counseling. Have you thought of making changes in your life to do some volunteering within your community? Something huge and tragic has occurred in your life. You need to find a way to reach closure from it, learn from the mistake and make yourself a better person.

Good luck.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I am so sorry. You are dealing with a lot & it seems you have not forgiven yourself for this accident. Get some therapy to work on that. 

Where is the backhoe now? Consult a lawyer to get this person to stop harassing you. I;m sure this person was profoundly upset by what happened especially if he knew the backhoe operator. In his mind he feels justified but you don't have to put up with this. 

Another option may be for you & DW to move A change of scenery may help you heal from what happened. Do tell DW that her friendship with this guy is a knife in your heart.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I can assure you he was very well compensated for his injuries by your insurance carrier. As for the harassment, take photos and videos of what he’s doing and go to the police and file a report. If it continues, consider trying to obtain a stay away order from the court. As for your wife, it could be that this dude is now taking his harassment to the next level by hitting on your wife. You’ve been with her for 44 years. Her alliance should be with you, not him. It’s time to sit down with her and explain this to her. Good luck OP.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> I can assure you he was very well compensated for his injuries by your insurance carrier.


You don't know that. If the injured person had catastropic injuries most individuals don't carry enough coverage to eve come close to having policy limits adequate to compensate the person. For example in my state the minimum amount of coverage is $15,000; I'd guess that most people probably have about $100,000 worth of coverage. If someone had major surgery, the policy limits are all they get unless they sue the person who caused the accident personally above the insurance limits. After paying 1/3 to the lawyer is $10,000 -$66,000 really enough? 

Still, @FeelingBetrayed1957 it was an ACCIDENT. Forgive yourself.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> You don't know that. If the injured person had catastropic injuries most individuals don't carry enough coverage to eve come close to having policy limits adequate to compensate the person. For example in my state the minimum amount of coverage is $15,000; I'd guess that most people probably have about $100,000 worth of coverage. If someone had major surgery, the policy limits are all they get unless they sue the person who caused the accident personally above the insurance limits. After paying 1/3 to the lawyer is $10,000 -$66,000 really enough?
> 
> Still, @FeelingBetrayed1957 it was an ACCIDENT. Forgive yourself.


Spot on! Insurance producer here.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Please seek some counseling. Seriously, do not commit suicide. I understand you feel guilt, you're being harrassed, there's a lot going on. STOP drinking, first priority, second priority is get some help.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So, a 16 yr old kid was killed on his motorcycle when a pickup truck ran a stop sign and the kid hit the side of the truck. The truck was driven by a guy in his late 60’s. Turns out that he past out before getting to the stop sign and was unable to do anything about the accident.

Are you sure that something like this didn’t happen to you? Could you have past out before hitting the truck.

As for the POS harassing you, get a lawyer and a restraining order. You can file charges on him for his actions. 

Tell your POS wife that if she is unable to support you when some F is harassing you for years that she can just get the hell out and go f herself.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

You honestly have no clue if the accident is your fault. I have seen these backhoes and mowers pull out into traffic without looking. Many causing chaos on the road, fortunately no accidents yet that I have seen.

Stop blaming yourself. Forgive yourself for you part in it.

There should be laws in place that prohibit backhoes and other construction vehicles from driving down the road. At least in our area there is a vehicle behind them with caution lights going.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

ABHale said:


> You honestly have no clue if the accident is your fault. I have seen these backhoes and mowers pull out into traffic without looking. Many causing chaos on the road, fortunately no accidents yet that I have seen.
> 
> Stop blaming yourself. Forgive yourself for you part in it.
> 
> There should be laws in place that prohibit backhoes and other construction vehicles from driving down the road. At least in our area there is a vehicle behind them with caution lights going.


Until I do it myself, I have no idea how this could happen without there being some sort of driver distraction or excessive speed going on. If he suffered a medical event prior to the collision, then I would think medical tests would prove this. There has to be more to the OP's story that he's not letting on. There has to be a reason why he woke up in the ER to see a state trooper there with him.

Backhoes for the most part a big pieces of visible construction equipment. They are usually bright yellow or orange depending on the manufacturer.

The harassment by this unknown person has an explanation too. He must be family to the backhoe driver, maybe even his brother, father, or son. It does not make sense for this person to do this unless he feels that he has good reasons.

As for the OP's wife becoming friendly with the harassment perpetrator, maybe this is being done in self preservation. Maybe she is trying to prevent some sort of lawsuit that would impact her. My question to the OP would be ... What does your wife mean when she tells you she has become friendly? Has she decided to use her body to calm and make the harassment go away?

To you @FeelingBetrayed1957, I say that you need to get counseling, both individual and with your wife. Suicide is never the answer. What's done is done, and now you have to stand up to this problem, take responsibility, and work your hardest to overcome this tragedy.

I wish you all the best going forward!


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

FB, sorry you are here and about your problems as a result of the accident.

So a guy puts a backhoe next to your house that you hit as a way of harassing you, and instead of your wife being upset about this, she is "friendly" to him? I don't want to sound knee jerk, but if she is friendly to someone who is making your life a living hell, then IMO, she's having an affair of some sort with him.

Friendly how? Does she go over to his place? Either way, adultery or not, I'd be pissed at a wife that is friendly to a guy who is causing me sever emotional damage. Or, maybe that's part of the plan on both of their parts? Can you elaborate on how she is "friendly" with him?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Next time the backhoe is parked there, have it towed away....
You DO need to see what is up with being "friends".


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Not sure what exactly you’re looking for here but welcome. I would say your priority is to get in to counseling to help deal with your feelings. To me, it doesn’t matter if it was your fault or not. It happened. You’re lucky enough that you survived the accident. Don’t squander your 2nd chance at life. Get help ASAP. You mentioned a child. Which I assume is well into adulthood if you’ve been married so long. I can tell you right now from first hand experience, just because your kid is an adult (even into their 40s+) does not mean they will not suffer if you go thru with your suicide plan. 

Maybe you & wife should consider moving as to not have to deal with thisharassment anymore. Not sure what you mean by your wife getting friendly with this guy. Maybe you can explain so we can get a picture. If moving is out of the question, see an attorney about what can be done.

Again,most pressing thing is to seek some help. I know that’s easier said than done but just reach out to someone. It may not feel like it at the moment, but people do care.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

And just in case you mean your wife is being inappropriate with this guy, I still think your priority should be getting help. This is where you have to put yourself first. As hard as it may be, your mental health first, relationship with wife second.


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