# Seperated.. Venting...



## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Monday night my wife purposed that she would go stay at her moms house for a while, she said it might be good for the both of us. This isn't the first time she has brought this up, so I figured it was worth a try.

Tuesday about two hours after I got off of work she texted me to let me know she was going to come grab somethings. I just stayed down in the basement on my computer, I figured she just wanted to grab things and leave but then she texted me and asked if we were going to talk and I said sure and that I just thought she was wanting to grab stuff and leave.

We started talking about how we should go about all of this like whether or not we should text or talk during this time frame. I said I thought it was fine if we did talk a bit.

I don't exactly remember how the conversation escalated so quickly but we started talking about how I don't know how I will be able to trust her again. I told her that I don't feel like I'm appreciated or respected and that I feel like I'm being used like a door mat because this isn't the first inncident.

She said that she did appreciate me and she did respect me though she still swears up and down that an inncident in the past happened while we were broken up (though we were really just on a break because I told her I needed some me time to think about what I was going to do with my life and a day or two after she made out with one of my friends). I explained that regardless if we were broken up or not, you don't do something like that with your current b/f or X's friend.

We started talking about this last EA (well multiple EAs) she had at the end of August through the middle of October. She said she was so sorry for hurting me and that she promised she would never do it ever again. I said that she can't promise that.

I lost it, I told her that I understand I wasn't the greatest husband but I don't understand how she could do that to me, especially when I couldn't help it because I had fallen hard and low since I came home from Iraq and she was the one person that was supposed to stay by myside and help me up, not kick me while I'm down.

She said to me "it had been 2 years" and I said that I'm sorry I didn't know there was a timeline of I was supposed to follow. She had to of known I was going to snap out of it eventually and realize that I needed help and not just give up. I said to her that I've been by her side for 2 years while shes been dealing with her medical problems, and that I wasn't out talking, texting, or calling other woman and that I don't even talk with girls really anyways because I don't want put her in a situation to possibly even feel like I could be having an A.

She cried and said she was sorry a lot. She asked if I wanted her to go stay at her moms and I told her I didn't want her to but she could be right, it might be able to help us out. I went down stairs to cook some food and she started to leave.

These last few days have been hard. She swore up and down that I didn't have to worry, and that she wasn't going to be doing anything accept stay at her moms house. She said that she doesn't want me to think she's talking with other guys or doing anything. I can't help but look at our phone bill online multiple times a day. Each time I dont' see anything significant and start thinking that looking at it is pointless because she can just use her moms landline.

Sorry, guess my vent session went on a little bit longer than I had intended. It could have gone on longer but I have a terrible memory so I can't really remember everything that was said or done at the moment.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Well vented mate.
Stay strong and best wishes


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your major problem seems to be there is no trust----that will take a long time to return, if ever

What do you want out of all of this

If you give her the 2nd chance---she has to know that she must do all the heavy lifting to get back into the mge., she must have boundaries, and she must stop contact with males, for that seems to be what gets her in trouble

Where is she really at, as to R.---will she truly do what is necessary to R., will she be contrite, will she show true remorse, will she be selfless----

When conversing---you always need to do it face to face---texting proves nothing---face to face shows you body motion, and the look of her eyes, and how she reacts to things----texting is just words, while hiding behind a machine.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I think you are right on the money. Stay strong and vent when ever you like.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Plain and simple. Wife cheats, let her go.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Friday night sucked! 

My W and I had been chit-chatting a bit throughout the day and things were going pretty well. I got a new phone and so I went up to her moms where she is staying and gave her my old iPhone because her phone sucks.

While I was over there she went over some things with me that she had written down because she had been spending a lot of her time looking things up on the internet regarding infidelity, which I kinda wish she should would have started doing this like 7-8 months ago and all the times I said she should have.

I had spent most of the day with my best friend, went to the mall to get the new phone, went out for coffee and then went to guitar center. At about 8:30 he decided he wanted to have a fire pit gathering in his back yard so he posted on facebook for people to come over and chill. It was all good until about 10:45pm when his sister (who was a great friend of mine that I have known since 5th grade) showed up with 2 of our friends and she also brought along her roommates, both of whom just so happen to be the OM.

They never came out to the backyard but I was still furious. My best friend pulled me aside and let me know that they were there, he asked me if I wanted them to leave, I told him that if they stayed I was going to leave and he said alright and went and pulled his sister aside and talked to her. About 10 minutes later they all left.

I felt bad that my drama affected other peoples lives like this. About 25 min after they left I got up to use the bathroom and I grabbed my stuff and left. I sent him a text before I drove off saying that I was just going to leave and that he could invite them all back. When I got home I saw that he texted me saying I was being overdramatic. I told him that those guys ruined my marriage and my life and asked how I was being overdramatic. He said the way I left was me being overdramatic and that he kicked them out and even his sister for me. I apologized to him for my drama affecting his life. 

He asked me what else more I wanted him to do, I told him I just wanted him to be my best friend and to stand up for me. I said that if I wasn’t there he wouldn’t have kicked them out and he said I was right that he wouldn’t have because of his sister being there. I said that it bothered me that they go over to his house and that if a friend that f_cked him over (which did happen), I said that regardless if he was there or not I would tell that old “friend” of ours to beat it and let him know that he was not welcome over to my house after what he did to my best friend.

He said he doesn’t want them over there and it was his sister that brought them and once he pulled her aside she immediately realized the situation and apologized for it. I said ok, well maybe your sister needs to know where you stand, and maybe you need to let them know as where you stand as well.

I just hate that I even have to be in this situation, where I can’t even be comfortable at my own best friends house because I think that they might show up. I hate all of this!


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