# Trying to support husband through depression and failed



## Nique (Jul 26, 2020)

My husband took it upon himself to check into overnight therapy for 4 days to get better before our baby is born in September. He claims by distancing himself he is protecting my feelings but that leaves me feeling like I'm not a part of this marriage. I was so looking forward to him coming home and spending time but he leaves right away for work on Saturday to clear his head when he could have stayed home. Then when he finally does come home with his friend who works and stays us so do two other coworkers from work. He claims he did not know they were coming but he still chose to talk to them about their issues instead of addressing his own with me. The only reason he did approach me was to keep from crying in front of his guests but then he leaves after he is finished. I'm trying to support his decision by him checking into the one month treatment facility but he takes that as me trying to get rid of him and storms off. I was okay when he was gone getting treatment but the minute he walks through the door he brings a bottle of whiskey and a whole bunch of negativity which makes me wonder if treatment is a waste of time. Currently he is gone somewhere and divorce is on the table. I don't know how else to support him if he critizes everything I say or if I say nothing at all.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I'm confused...

You mentioned a 4 day inpatient program and a 30 day, so which is it?

Do you want him to be doing it or not? First you sound like you don't want it, then you say you try to be supportive and he doesn't like that.

If your husband is doing treatment, then coming home with alcohol, he clearly needs a different program/approach. Treatment isn't necessarily a waste of time/money, but the _wrong _ treatment is. Short term programs generally do not work. He probably needs a 3 month inpatient program, honestly. And he actually has to _want_ to change, otherwise it's a waste of time and money.

Him talking to friends about their problems rather than yours... that's him avoiding his own problems so that he doesn't have to face them.


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## Nique (Jul 26, 2020)

He tried the 4 day and was considering the 30 day. I support both but only if it works.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Nique said:


> He tried the 4 day and was considering the 30 day. I support both but only if it works.


Four days isn't nearly enough. That's definitely a waste of time and money. 

Here's my recommendation... Find a place that offers a 3 month program. They will have him commit to at least 28 days, then will give him recommendations towards the end of those 28 days. If the _professionals_ think he's ready to be discharged, then great. If they think he needs to stay for the full 60-90 days, then he needs to be accepting of that.


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## Nique (Jul 26, 2020)

bobert said:


> Four days isn't nearly enough. That's definitely a waste of time and money.
> 
> Here's my recommendation... Find a place that offers a 3 month program. They will have him commit to at least 28 days, then will give him recommendations towards the end of those 28 days. If the _professionals_ think he's ready to be discharged, then great. If they think he needs to stay for the full 60-90 days, then he needs to be accepting of that.


Okay, thanks


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