# My Husband's Family Excludes Me Sometimes



## SugarMonstaa

My husband's family is very close. We visit them once a week and spend the whole day at his mom or grandma's house and sometimes even spend the night. Over the years I have grown close to them, going through what any family would go through, and see them as my family and to love them. His two sisters call me his sister and his aunt calls me her niece. His aunt is young and around my age and his sisters age (24-28). We are all close. 
What truly hurts my heart is that I see them as family but I don't think they see me as it since I'm excluded sometimes. As much as 1-2x a month his mom will have or make dinner and invite only the her kids (my hub, his sisters) but not me. Going out to dinner, weekend getaways, New Years Eve family dinner, making dinner, you get my drift. Obviously I'm not completely forbidden to go it's just sometimes but enough for me to be sad often.

His aunt mentioned having a niece dinner bonding time and I thought I was going too. Until I wasn't invited and my husband said only "real" nieces.

I started to tear up and tell him that it hurts my heart that often I am excluded from family events where only "real" family can come. I told him I thought we were family. He said "What's wrong with us wanting to be alone sometime?" I said "Well I've grown to see your family as mine too now. What can you say or do when I'm not around?" And he said "There's no difference, just we're alone" He was getting upset and was like "FINE! I won't go anymore!"

I told him that's not going to fix anything and that's not what I want. He asked what I wanted him to do...I honestly want to tell him I want to be treated like family but if he tells them I'm hurt they'll get annoyed unless he voices that "WE" feel that way not just me. 

I know some of you think it's nothing and I'm in the wrong but I truly feel that if you're family, blood shouldn't matter. My sister treats her step son as one of her own even though he doesn't live with them. She invites him to family dinners and vacations, no exclusions. 

What can my spouse and I do to compromise? Please don't tell me to get over it. My partner is asking what to do but I'm not sure how to handle it.

I'm jealous because my sister's husband understood her pain and nipped it in the bud. Whereas mine was upset that I felt that way....


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## mablenc

I think your husband is wrong he should be siding by your side. I can imagine how you feel. Your husband needs to tell his mom and aunt that he's not attending if you are not invited. If she continues he needs to stay home. Feel free to show him these responses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SugarMonstaa

mablenc said:


> I think your husband is wrong he should be siding by your side. I can imagine how you feel. Your husband needs to tell his mom and aunt that he's not attending if you are not invited. If she continues he needs to stay home. Feel free to show him these responses.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Thank, goodness someone here agrees with me! Everyone's been saying I've been insecure on other forums. It hurts me that he kind of puts their feelings before mine...such as

"Go ask my sister to help cook" or "Save my sister and mom some" or whatever when I always volunteer that without him even telling me to. But he never asks them to ask me for help, give me whatever, etc. 

I just wish that he really understood how I felt without "lying" saying "I understand" but then his face looks upset and says I'm seeing it the wrong way. I don't think BLOOD should mean family. =\

So it's not b!tchy of me for him to allow me to be invited? I'm not saying I'll come all the time, but the thought of me not being included as family is what hurts.


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## mablenc

He's married now, you are his family. You two are one, maybe he just needs to realize that he's no longer just part of this family he now has a family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whowouldhavethought

mablenc said:


> I think your husband is wrong he should be siding by your side. I can imagine how you feel. Your husband needs to tell his mom and aunt that he's not attending if you are not invited. If she continues he needs to stay home. Feel free to show him these responses.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree 100% with this. If you are not allowed to go then your husband should not go.

I am sorry but this is a deal breaker for me. If your husband will not stand by you in this matter, you need to reconsider your marriage.

WWHT


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## Theseus

SugarMonstaa said:


> Thank, goodness someone here agrees with me! Everyone's been saying I've been insecure on other forums.



Not sure if you are insecure, but I have to disagree with you a bit. You say his family excludes you "sometimes". How often is that? It's not unusual for people who grew up together to want to spend a little time with themselves. If it's occasional, it's very normal. If it happens constantly, that's a little different.


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## SugarMonstaa

On average I'd have to say once a month. But like I said before, it's not the frequency it's just the okay time for "real" family time sorta thing. I didn't know it wasn't rude to not invite someone once they are considered in your family now. My family would never tell my sister her husband can't come to a family dinner just because we want it to be "family" time. 

Family is always welcome if I have my own kids one day and I have a family dinner. So if one day I have a family dinner, grandma is always welcome to come over...I wouldn't make her feel excluded!

My brother in law is always welcome to our family events and dinners. We never exclude him, because he's family.

I'm confused some of you say it's very rude and one of you say it's okay? Debate? lol


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## Starstarfish

I think my husband expressing it to me with the phrase that I wasn't "real" family would bother me quite a bit.

Also his defensive reaction of "What's wrong with us wanting to be alone sometime?" would make me wonder if these "real family" get togethers are generally venting/bashing sessions on people who aren't there.


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## justonelife

Once he married you, you became his "real" family. I can only imagine 2 scenarios where my husband or I would not accompany the other to a family event:

1. One of us is busy and can't go due to scheduling
2. The event is something the other wouldn't enjoy, i.e. going to a girl movie with my mom or my husband going to a sporting event with his dad.

Other than that, you guys are a package deal now. That's part of marriage, period.

Edited to add: Even in these scenarios, the spouse would be invited. There's no time that my husband wouldn't be invited to dinner or some other outing with my family and vice versa.


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## kokonatsu

I couldn't imagine being at a family gathering where a cousin's/sister's spouse was not invited. They are family, though not related by blood, and they are awesome people. Conversely, if my SO was intentionally not invited to an event, I'm not sure I'd want to go either. 

I totally agree, you're your husband's real family, and he should have your back on this.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter

This is not normal. A football game with his dad, an occasional lunch with his mom--fine--but not the whole "nuclear family" excluding spouses. That is NOT normal. 

Think about this--if you have children with this man, are you going to allow the two of them to go to his family events where you are not invited? This is setting precedence for that to happen. I hope you are able to nip this in the bud now--and, if he isn't "getting it", definitely re-examine your relationship. You two (and any future children) are a package deal.


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## Theseus

SugarMonstaa said:


> On average I'd have to say once a month.



Once a month?? 

I'm sorry, but you should just drop this. The benefit is so minor that any solution you impose will not be worth the cost. Seriously, there are much more important things to worry about in life.


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## Nucking Futs

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> This is not normal. A football game with his dad, an occasional lunch with his mom--fine--but not the whole "nuclear family" excluding spouses. That is NOT normal.
> 
> Think about this--i*f you have children with this man, are you going to allow the two of them to go to his family events where you are not invited?* This is setting precedence for that to happen. I hope you are able to nip this in the bud now--and, if he isn't "getting it", definitely re-examine your relationship. You two (and any future children) are a package deal.


This is a good question I think you should ask your husband. Be calm and unemotional, just ask for clarification. Tell him you understand that you are not real family to him, but you wonder if any children you have with him will be and if you will be expected to sit home alone while him and the kids are socializing with the grandparents and aunts/uncles.

You might also want to get clarification about what exactly he considers you to be since you're not real family. FWB? Room mate good for sexy fun time but nothing serious?

I'd also think long and hard before you have children with this guy.


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## Balzaar

Theseus said:


> Not sure if you are insecure, but I have to disagree with you a bit. You say his family excludes you "sometimes". How often is that? It's not unusual for people who grew up together to want to spend a little time with themselves. If it's occasional, it's very normal. If it happens constantly, that's a little different.


Could not disagree more. A couple of weeks ago my brother and I visited my parents. This was to discuss the general decline in health and our concerns. Our wives were not invited. Such circumstances are the only type that I would not include my spouse. 

If my parents asked me to leave my wife at home then I would stay with her.


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## EleGirl

SugarMonstaa said:


> What truly hurts my heart is that I see them as family but I don't think they see me as it since I'm excluded sometimes. As much as 1-2x a month his mom will have or make dinner and invite only the her kids (my hub, his sisters) but not me. Going out to dinner, weekend getaways, New Years Eve family dinner, making dinner, you get my drift. Obviously I'm not completely forbidden to go it's just sometimes but enough for me to be sad often.


Are his sisters married?

I would have a problem with this. Once or twice a month is very often to do things that purposely only include “real family”. 

Having only “real family” for dinner (in home or going out) would be upsetting to me.

But weekend get-a-ways? I think that this is wrong. 

New Year’s Eve is a holiday that you and your husband should be spending together. It’s not something for him to go out to party with his “real family” and to leave you alone. What do you do on New Year’s Eve when he leaves you along like this?

How often has his family gone on weekend get-a-ways without you? Have they gone on other trips that are longer?

What other holidays does he abandon you to spend with his “real family”?

Do you have children with him?


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## Blondilocks

Your MIL is playing the 'family' card to disguise the real reason - she still wants to be numero uno in her childrens' lives. Until your husband cuts her apron strings emotionally and mentally, she'll continue to reel him back in whenever she needs to get her fix of feeling #1.

Never make someone a priority who only considers you an option. You are his wife and not a part-time girlfriend. Treat him the way he treats you; after-all "what's good for the goose is good for the gander".


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## SugarMonstaa

Thank you so much for your support and advice everyone.

My mom is upset by this. Funny because she said the same...if we have children the grandma will WANT to see her grand babies so there's no way she wouldn't want them there! You know how grandmas are. So that would be an even more definite theory that I'm not "real" family in her eyes if she starts inviting me just because she wants to see the baby.

Weekend get aways about an hour or two away. They are not often but do happen. I'm usually invited, but the word is usually lol. It's the dinners I'm not really allowed to go to if she wants to spend time with them.

The New Year's Eve dinner where I didn't go is when I just stayed at home and waited him to finish until we could be together. The sisters one has a bf other fiance they are all older than me. But it seems like the men don't care, but then again they're not around that much but I'm always around.

Okay, so what we should do is have him talk to his family how I am family now and excluding can hurt? I think that's reasonable. I just would like an open invitation to me, doesn't mean I will always go. 

By the way to make it clear I'm not invited to nuclear family events sometimes. I'm invited to extended family events where everyone can come but it doesn't count because even non family like friends of the kids stop by. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Balzaar

SugarMonstaa said:


> Thank you so much for your support and advice everyone.
> 
> My mom is upset by this. Funny because she said the same...if we have children the grandma will WANT to see her grand babies so there's no way she wouldn't want them there! You know how grandmas are. So that would be an even more definite theory that I'm not "real" family in her eyes if she starts inviting me just because she wants to see the baby.
> 
> Weekend get aways about an hour or two away. They are not often but do happen. I'm usually invited, but the word is usually lol. It's the dinners I'm not really allowed to go to if she wants to spend time with them.
> 
> 
> *Okay, so what we should do is have him talk to his family how I am family now and excluding can hurt? *I think that's reasonable. I just would like an open invitation to me, doesn't mean I will always go.
> 
> By the way to make it clear I'm not invited to nuclear family events sometimes. I'm invited to extended family events where everyone can come but it doesn't count because even non family like friends of the kids stop by.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is where your husband gets to take a test on being a Real Man. It has nothing to do with you as it is all on him. I do believe you are going to have to take a hard stand as well until you get your point across. In other words "it's all or nothing". 

Try to get it through Momma's Boy's head that you are his first priority and your family comes first. Anything less is insulting and disrespectful.


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## SugarMonstaa

It's funny I guess mama boy can come in different ways. My ex boyfriend's mother acted like a girlfriend lol.In my case, it's not typical mama boy behavior but in a way yes if he's afraid to hurt her feelings but not afraid to hurt mine by doing nothing.

Can some of you tell me why a lot of people on other forums think its okay this happens? They tell me I'm insecure and that "You're not her daughter so she doesn't have an obligation. Anyways, his one sister I'm close to, invited me to lunch and shopping for someones wedding with her sister and her. She toasted to me as being a sister so it really made me happy and felt in the circle. So as you can see me being called sister or a niece to his aunt is hurtful if I'm excluded lol.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish

> ... but you wonder if any children you have with him will be and if you will be expected to sit home alone while him and the kids are socializing with the grandparents and aunts/uncles.


In my experience with a family dynamic like this, they'll invite you after you have kids (it would be just too transparent not too) but will just make you feel invisible anyways. In they invite you and treat you badly, they can gang up and make it seem like you are the one causing trouble/crazy/don't know how to get along with people. If they don't invite you, that's too obvious. 

But yes, this is how I'd frame talking about this - If/when we have kids, are you going to teach them that I'm not your "real family?" How they do we define family for our children? It's way better, albeit potentially painful, to find out the answer before you have kids, rather than after.


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## MyHappyPlace

No way OP! You are definitely right to be upset by this. You are his family now! He chose to marry you and he needs to stand by you. My FIL once invited my H to a lunch for "just them" and my H was back in 20 minutes. The only reason the invite didn't include me was because FIL was there to talk crap about me and H wasn't having it! As soon as he realized where the conversation was going he said "thanks for the beer" got up and left. Your H needs to have the same respect for you.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter

SugarMonstaa said:


> Thank you so much for your support and advice everyone.
> 
> My mom is upset by this. Funny because she said the same...if we have children the grandma will WANT to see her grand babies so there's no way she wouldn't want them there! You know how grandmas are. So that would be an even more definite theory that I'm not "real" family in her eyes if she starts inviting me just because she wants to see the baby.
> 
> Weekend get aways about an hour or two away. They are not often but do happen. I'm usually invited, but the word is usually lol. It's the dinners I'm not really allowed to go to if she wants to spend time with them.
> 
> The New Year's Eve dinner where I didn't go is when I just stayed at home and waited him to finish until we could be together. The sisters one has a bf other fiance they are all older than me. But it seems like the men don't care, but then again they're not around that much but I'm always around.
> 
> *Okay, so what we should do is have him talk to his family how I am family now and excluding can hurt? I think that's reasonable. I just would like an open invitation to me, doesn't mean I will always go. *
> 
> By the way to make it clear I'm not invited to nuclear family events sometimes. I'm invited to extended family events where everyone can come but it doesn't count because even non family like friends of the kids stop by.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think it has to be so formal--the next time his mom arranges an "exclusive" dinner, your husband needs to let her know that he is bringing you. If she responds negatively, he can choose to confront and deal with the issue or he can choose to ignore her and bring you to dinner. Either way, MIL will get the message that these "family" dinners will now include you.


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## southbound

I don't have an answer to your issue, the thing that hit me is how different people are. When I was married, I would have been happy to have been left out of a lot of gatherings my x wife's family had. If that had been the attitude, it might have even help save our marriage. It's not that we argued or really had any issues, but their personalities were so different than what I grew up with; they liked drama. 

I got so tired of playing all those family board games and such, and going to her extended family reunion where there were a million people all with the same personality. I would have loved to have skipped all that, even if they seemed a little snooty about it; however, my x always wanted me along. 

I'm not saying this is how you should feel. If there one thing I've learned, people are different.


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## 6301

When you and your husband got married, he became part of your family and you became part of his. When he is told that it is only him invited, he should have the common sense to say "what about______? I find it really selfish and in considerate that you are "part time family" and he should know that. 

The only time I wasn't included in a family function with my first wife was when my wife and sister had a blow out argument with their father. My wife wanted me to go and I declined because the argument was about something that happened before I met my wife and I told her that it was a family matter so while they went, my BIL and I hung back an hoped that they both came back in one piece. Now that experience is an exception to the rule. Anything else is just bad manners.


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## SugarMonstaa

I do have to wonder though. When will someone ever become family? It's like if I had a baptism for my child (I'm not religious but using this as an excuse) and said "Family only" and that means no grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. how would they feel? 

I'd like to see how that would play out if we had kids but for the greater good I shouldn't expect something to happen (bad).

Want to know what else is hilarious? He actually compared me to his friends. He was like "Well ___ and ___ don't come to our family dinners either." He said that because his friends he grew up with are like his brothers and his mom's family friends. But that's completely different than me right?


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## Nucking Futs

SugarMonstaa said:


> I do have to wonder though. When will someone ever become family? It's like if I had a baptism for my child (I'm not religious but using this as an excuse) and said "Family only" and that means no grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. how would they feel?
> 
> I'd like to see how that would play out if we had kids but for the greater good I shouldn't expect something to happen (bad).
> 
> Want to know what else is hilarious? He actually compared me to his friends. He was like "Well ___ and ___ don't come to our family dinners either." He said that because his friends he grew up with are like his brothers and his mom's family friends. *But that's completely different than me right?*


It is to normal people.


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## whowouldhavethought

SugarMonstaa said:


> I do have to wonder though. When will someone ever become family? It's like if I had a baptism for my child (I'm not religious but using this as an excuse) and said "Family only" and that means no grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. how would they feel?
> 
> I'd like to see how that would play out if we had kids but for the greater good I shouldn't expect something to happen (bad).
> 
> Want to know what else is hilarious? He actually compared me to his friends. He was like "Well ___ and ___ don't come to our family dinners either." He said that because his friends he grew up with are like his brothers and his mom's family friends. But that's completely different than me right?


Next time he goes to one of these dinners, get dolled up and leave. When he asks where you are going, just tell him you are going to dinner with a friend and that you will be back by X (sometime after he gets home.)

WWHT


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## Blondilocks

"Want to know what else is hilarious? He actually compared me to his friends. He was like "Well ___ and ___ don't come to our family dinners either." He said that because his friends he grew up with are like his brothers and his mom's family friends. But that's completely different than me right"

He's scraping the bottom of the barrel for excuses if that's the best he can come up with. And an excuse is all it is as there is no reason for his family to act this way. It's starting to sound like they're a happy little emotionally incestuous bunch. 

Since you're not a part of his family, tell him you cannot in good conscience share his bed. It's time he learned who his primary family is.


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## dblkman

Got a question for you! Say for example your h takes a hard line approach with his mother, demanding that you be invited or he will not show up. Lets say she relented and invited you too, would you REALLY want to go knowing your invite was forced? I can agree with you but personally I would NOT want an invite unless it was genuine.


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## EleGirl

dblkman said:


> Got a question for you! Say for example your h takes a hard line approach with his mother, demanding that you be invited or he will not show up. Lets say she relented and invited you too, would you REALLY want to go knowing your invite was forced? I can agree with you but personally I would NOT want an invite unless it was genuine.


I'm not the OP, but want to answer this from my point of view.

Yes I'd go. Why? Because it's about establishing myself as a member of the family. It's about letting them know that I cam family and will be treated as such. The spouses of the unmarried siblings will have the same issues. She can set the path for all of them.

And she has to set this before she has any children with him. If she does not, they will be inviting her children and leaving her out... showing great disrespect.


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## AVR1962

Does the family seem almost clannish, like they might be too close? Is there something weird there that you can' explain? and do you feel like you don't fit in? Like when they joke among themselves and all laugh but then you try to crack a joke and they ignore it or no one gets your humor while other people do? Does he have any brothers?

My inlaws are like this....too close in my opinion and have this weird sense of humor that they have to top one another with and if you are not like them you are not accepted in the family. They don't outwardly reject you but you feel it. 

My husband and I have been together for 24 years and slowly I stopped going to functions and stopped all together eventually. They think I am the problem but I cannot stand to be around them. My husband support anything they say or do. They have said some not so nice things but he never puts them in their place.

I found it easier to remove myself from the situation as I saw nothing getting better and no resolve to the situation. My husband and the relationship to his family, the dynamics set in his family home are the problem in my opinion. 

My husband was raised with 3 sisters and husband was the only boy and dotted on by everyone.


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## frusdil

Do NOT have children with this "man". Far out.

This is neither normal nor common. I don't know ANY married person that would stand for this. I certainly wouldn't. If you don't want my husband, you're not getting me either.

Your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up to his mother. This is pathetic and so, so wrong.

You need to show him this thread.


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## Nucking Futs

frusdil said:


> Do NOT have children with this "man". Far out.
> 
> This is neither normal nor common. I don't know ANY married person that would stand for this. I certainly wouldn't. If you don't want my husband, you're not getting me either.
> 
> *Your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up to his mother. This is pathetic and so, so wrong.*
> 
> You need to show him this thread.


The second sentence I bolded is true, but the first sentence is missing the actual problem. Her husband isn't deferring to his mother, he _agrees_ with her that his wife is not family. He equates her position in the family structure with long time friends as if she has no deeper relationship.

Let me lay out how I view family. When you're single w/no kids, your immediate family is you, parents, brothers and sisters. Extended family is aunts, uncles and cousins. Outside of that you have non-family people close to you.

When you get married your immediate family is your spouse and children when you have them. The group that used to be immediate family becomes extended family, expanded by the relevant in-law group.

Her husband is married now but instead of switching to a married persons view of the family structure he's simply added his wife to the non-family group. In his view his familial relationship with his wife is basically the same as when they were dating.

My advice to the OP is to try MC. If MC doesn't fix this problem in a reasonable amount of time I'd divorce and move on. Absolutely do not have children with this man unless this problem gets fixed.


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## Omego

This is totally unacceptable. I don't understand it at all. It's clannish and just downright mean. It sounds as if there is something strange going on with the MIL (as often is the case).

Yeah, and if you're feeling insecure, they are fostering this insecurity by "almost" including you. New Year's Eve and not invited????

I think I would just stop dealing with them altogether. Is that possible? Go to your family events with your husband and ignore them. I'm sure they'll get the message then and hopefully, things will change. If the MIL gets a kick out of exercising her so-called power then she'll be disappointed to have one less victim.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Omego said:


> This is totally unacceptable. I don't understand it at all. It's clannish and just downright mean. It sounds as if there is something strange going on with the MIL (as often is the case).
> 
> Yeah, and if you're feeling insecure, they are fostering this insecurity by "almost" including you. New Year's Eve and not invited????
> 
> I think I would just stop dealing with them altogether. Is that possible? Go to your family events with your husband and ignore them. I'm sure they'll get the message then and hopefully, things will change. If the MIL gets a kick out of exercising her so-called power then she'll be disappointed to have one less victim.


And then she has children who are pulled between the two families.. who are taught my their father and his family that their mom is not 'real family'. The dynamic is very toxic.


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## AVR1962

It does my heart good to see how many find this wrong and toxic as I have lived it myself. I have asked myself if I was the one with the problem. I could not understand why husband had no balls to stand up to his family and support me. I found the family's closeness very uncomfortable. 

One time as we were getting ready to move and we were all saying our good-byes to my husband's family my sister-in-law kissed my husband hugged him but would not let go. They must have stood here hugging each other like lovers a good minute. I later asked my husband what that was all about and he said he didn't know. I then asked him if he and his sister were lovers at one time because that was the way she was acting towards him. He claims it is not the case but I have questioned it many times.

Sister-in-law's husband later divorced her. He and I had gotten to know one another pretty well. He said the final straw for him was when she told him that she loved her family more than him. He too agreed they were too close and something very weird there.


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## HRB

I'm sorry you are experiencing this situation. You seem
like a very caring, loving person who values
family and genuinely wants to have a good relationship
with your in-laws. Take it from me - someone who
currently lives with a similar situation - go to counseling
with your husband so he can understand that you
most definitely ARE family and will be treated as such
or, get divorced. I agree whole hearted lay with others
who have suggested you not even contemplate having
children with this man unless/until his view changes.
My husband's family is close. They have their little inside jokes
and constantly make me feel like I don't belong and am not wanted at gatherings. I've been with
my husband for several years and they STILL disrespect me
by calling me his ex-girlfriend's name (they looooved her). 
Last Thanksgiving the grandmother would not even
look in my direction. I was pregnant, no "how are you feeling?" Or
questions about the baby. She has yet to even acknowledge
the birth and my child is 6 months old!
No one grows up wanting to get divorced, but what this
family is doing to you is cruel and unfair. Your husband
should not be agreeing with it! Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bunny23

Ugh, I have experienced this.. when we were engaged his parents would make him go to weddings where I could not go because we were not married yet... then they would do it when we got married!

And there were a lot of weddings. Same things with other functions. But this was more cultural.

It still hurt like hell though. Needless to say we are getting D.

This is NOT normal.. you have to have a conversation with him and explain that you will not be treated that way.

If I was you I would even stop going to the other functions and plan some fun time for you.. maybe he will get the hint?

It's a terrible and super weird thing to put up with.


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## TRy

The question is why do you even want to be there with them? They do not sound like nice people. They enjoy excluding you because it makes them feel like they are in an exclusive club. It would not be exclusive if they did not have people like you to exclude. Stop buying into this.

I would tell his mother that if being married does not make you real family, then you do not want to waste any more of your time with them. That she no longer has to worry about inviting you to anything anymore, because you will not be coming over any more for anything, as you want to spend your time developing relationships with people that are nice and that really care about you. I would not cry or be emotional when you say this. I would then tell your husband that you will be going to a New Years dinner and celebration with friends, with or without him. I would also tell him that you will be starting to socialize more without him on nights that he is out with his family. Let him know that since loyalty to you is not his top priority, you will be reviewing his placement in your priority list.


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