# I Dont Buy it,Very Confusing!!



## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

For a long time now,Ive been wanting to believe My spouse when he gives me excuses for his lack of intrest concerning
Me! In earlier Post's I think I made it very clear he has insecurity issues regarding himself.. from things like shower bathtub off limits ..dark bedroom etc. We have been together well over 4 years & I havent seen him Naked...

I dont like it, but I deal with it ( even though it seems he is doing nothing to change it.. as in I assume he plans to always be this way) Im insecure too but not to where I let it affect my life.. there are plenty of things I want to change about me physically, but I just grit my teeth & bare it..lol Literally speaking.. Because I love him and its take some courage to always be the one ( cause i have plenty insecurities) that tries to seek sexual attention or attention period.. In the last 4 years even prior to marriage all my efforts go un-noticed, way to many things & times for me to chalk it all up to bad timing or whatever.

I can sit naked in a hot tub & he will walk by & say.. going to metal detect the yard.. getting in & out of a shower leaving door WIDE OPEN .. Taking baths til your skin shrivels up waiting for some kind of reaction.. I have called him directly into these scenes to bring me something etc & its in and out eyes never even remotely glimpse anywhere but to hand me what ever i asked for.. Ive stood and raised my shirt repeatedly and have to say hello Im here & its glance and right back at tv or whatever.. Lingere can walk in it all day & he wouldnt know the diffrence or hasnt shown that yet... Im always asking him comments that will leave him no choice but to look directly at me " Like isnt my butt bigger ? lol just to get reaction and be complete naked upon asking & stand there so long waiting for him to even acknowledge im talking to him hello in the buff Not an easy thing to do to begin with & it doesnt help my own insecurities when I realize " he isnt interested but if I get louder he will do a quick no no glance your krazy your butts not bigger and right back to whatever again"

I have brought this subject up many many times with telling him yes I am kinda forced to respect his insecurity about his own self & that I choose to fight mine and expose away trying to create intrest & he shows none.. His excuse has always been "well we have other issues going on and when Im ill at you about something else it doesnt make me very sexually interested.. and Im whatttt? every time I confront him about an incident that left me feeling horrible he says "I dont care about being sexual when you have pissed me off" But these encounters dont OCCUR around any such times?? 

He likes to point out in these confrontations by me about me that its emotional as well as physical with him & that the man forgetting everything & being instant turned on at the sight of naked female is a bogus society un true myth...Only thing is I dont buy this anymore his excuse because of the fact that Every encounter Im referring to when i confront him wasnt during an argument ... Ive never tried to do any of the above while we were arguing ... and he wasnt mad at me in any of those situatuions .. I have tried to peak his intrest in those areas & times & he was NORMAL and not so mad at me that he didnt want to cook with me or go for a ride on the bike or play poker or watch a movie tons of other interacting things he shouldnt emotionally wanna do with me if hes currently mad at me?? :scratchhead: I think he loves me & he does respect me, but he isnt attracted to All of me & he tries to cover it up in confrontation just to avoid the truth hurts slogan, I dont know whats gonna happen if i get the courage to try again then feel rejected again then confront again, cause i know Im not buying the above excuse anymore & that will make for an EVEN MORE awkward situation. Sorry to vent so long here!!


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## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

OMG do u guys have children and howwww longggg has it been since u guys or have children u guys eva had sex eva......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

correction on the second half of children didnt mean to put that one in there typing from cellphone not computer sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

Its not about Sex.. Yes we have that regulary ..weekly definetly bi-weekly.. in a dark room yes ..because hes insecure to the point light has to be off..u can have plenty sex without seeing your partner theres not a issue there as in No sex because we do In a regular secured enviorment for him ... this thread issue is about attention.. the sexual kind yes but not always seeking act of sex ..seeking sign of Intrest away from the bedroom, In other words Unless its that time of the week for pretty much guranteed sex , anything I do that visually puts me in the light ..doesnt seem to work for me!! It would be Nice to know your partner thought u were sexually interesting even when he wasnt Horny if I must be so blunt lol.. blushing here now ... 

I dont suspect affair at all.. hes very grounded & respectful he doesnt view or lust any other females ..pretty biblical on that stand and NO NOT GAY for sure.. I think he loves me and just isnt attracted to me the way he should be.. he says he is very much so he says all the correct wonderful things other than when i point out well if thats so true & Im so this and that to you then why cant I get your attention when im obvious in the buff seeking it? and thats when its back too the he says' iF HE HURT MY FEELINGS DIDNT SHOW INTREST ITS BECAUSE HE OBVIOUSLY WASNT ABLE TO BE IN THAT KIND OF MOOD DUE TO BEING MAD & NOTHING TO DO WITH E PHYSICALLY... I just dont believe that anymore considering as I said earlier ,, he wasnt ever in any mad moods i knew of during my times of attention seeking....


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Ask him to please go to counseling. He is a married man and if he's very biblical he may even consider what some people think -- that the husband's body belongs to the wife and vice-versa. If that's the case, he's withholding from you something he promised you by marrying you. He's ashamed of how he feels, perhaps. Or he's afraid if he doesn't repress these things he will lose all control. I really don't know. But he can find out what is up with himself by going to see a therapist. 

I don't see why he wouldn't. It may be embarrassing but people go to therapists for far more devistating sexual issues so he isn't alone.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Sounds to me that if he seems fine in all other ways and you are having regular sex, that this goes back to his same insecurity about leaving the lights on...when you appear naked, lights on, he probably panics inside at the thought of fooling around out in the open...what if respond and she tries to remove my pants?! And if he's insecure in that way, it probably overshadows any sexual reaction he might otherwise have.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You are trying to get him to move too far, too fast. One of those times u know you'll be having sex, leave the closet light on and the closet door just barely open so a tiny bit of light spills in, or get a small scented candle for the room. Once he gets used to this, you can slowly increase his exposure to nakedness-his and yours. You could also ask him to take some pics of you in various clothing--start fully clothed, then s-l-o-w-l-y get to pics where you show a shoulder, etc., until it's lingerie, then tasteful naked poses--and make sure he knows these pics are JUST FOR HIM. In other words, address his fear by slow and gradual exposure to that which frightens him. 

And, he needs counseling. Not normal behavior at all for a healthy man. How can you be so sure he isn't gay? Just b/c he can have sex with you means nothing. . . if this is really an issue for YOU, you should consider counseling for yourself, too, to decide if such a physically distant relationship is what you want for the rest of your life.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Sister may be on to something. When you are in the dark he can wash himself in fantasy and get off but when the lights are on, perhaps he can't get away from the fact that you are a woman and he's really not interested in women.

Either way, he needs help. This would be a deal-breaker for me.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

thanks for the replies & input... I guess I can see how it might sound especially when its so hard to explain on here, my only concern currently is.. is he attracted to me. i dont think so. does he love me ..yes i believe that..
I know I have heard women say they can walk thru there house naked & there husband wont notice, thats pretty much my issue & instead of admit that he doesnt notice , its diffrent nonsense of had to be mad etc..

He definetly isnt gay though 1000% sure on that , he is religious now and doesnt believe a man should view sexually in anyway any female other than there mate, but he has a past that was Complete opposite that included plenty Female Eye candy.. and he has seen me visually Plenty ..Hes not afraid to see... me more like not interested My opinion ,But he would never admit it.. the one thing that i considered as possible from the replies is the me being sexual out of the comfort zone for him could be an avoidance on his part due to thinking it would lead to sex in an uncomfortable enviroment for him, far away from the safe dark bedroom he is used to being safe in, but regardless if thats the case or not it doesnt do much for my own insecuritys for it leaves me rambling like in this initial post assuming the worst .. thats he isnt interested in me , but obligated to me out of his love vows & religion & his morals he holds high means he would never seek out viewing another that he might find physically attractive just for pleasure , If he was here right now he would tell yall that Im absolutely Krazy he thinks im the most beautiful thing on the planet .he has no desire to ever see a diffrent female & that his ignorence of me on times above mentioned were during anger or all in my head .. lol thats what he would say... but thanks for replying to my post ..i wish i was capable of explaining things better, maybe i should have just asked that simple question & not rambled which can lead to good intentions of replies but there way off due to my confusing way of communicating ... so simple sentence " Has any female ever felt like they can walk around naked & on fire possibly and there husband wouldnt notice?? Not because hes cheating .. not because hes gay .. more like that movie title recently where as he is married to you But.. "HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

How do you know about his past? 

Honestly, I think he's had sexual problems from the get go and he may have overcompensated in his "past" and his turn toward religion is yet another cover-up. I think he's gay. 

Why isn't he in therapy? Why don't you insist on it? And do you plan on staying where you feel you are not desired?


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

Dobo, I dont know why u continue to post hes gay.. I made it clear multiple times That is Not the Case!! You keep making some strong suggestions based of a few sentences.. so in other words for every female who has ever said .. i can walk past my husband naked & he doesnt notice then There gay,, great repeat off the wall advice... even after I shut that down.. thats just an irritating repeat reply that leaves me to just say with this thread NeverMind Already!!


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

Lavender, I totally understand how you feel. Though in my case my husband has actually said that he does't find me attractive. It drives you nuts to feel unattractive, doesn't it? 

I don't have much advice for you other than you need to really clearly tell him how you feel. Men are so dense he probably just doesn't realize what he's doing and how it affects you. In my opinion, if he really loves you and he knew how much this upset you he would work on it. He would work on SHOWING you he finds you attractive. 

In my case I'm not sure my husband really loves me but at least he is working on it. I had to sit him down and tell him exactly how I felt and tell him how much it pissed me off that he found me unattractive and that he showed that he felt that way. I doubt he had any clue before that.

So that's my only advice for you. 

PS: I don't think he's gay. LOL


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

OK Fine. He's not attracted to you. 

Exactly what advice would you like? He either gets honest with you or you have to accept being in this nowhere land. 

Again, why isn't he in therapy about this? I just don't buy a guy having no interest in looking at a naked woman, even if he's not all that attracted to her. And I doubt that you're hideous to look at so this is about what he is interested in. Even guys that are only marginally attracted to someone will still look, you know?

Post this on the male forum and see what kind of responses you get.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

maybe he is embarressed by his body? any birth marks or surgeries in the past?

I have to say i am disappointed with my body, but I am working out to improve it, but I am not happy with it right now.

I just think he has a body image problem, something he doesn't like about himself, like too much hair or whatever.

Does he swim in public?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Lavendar, the reason we think he might be gay is that you haven't given any evidence that he is NOT. Men who do not notice naked women are simply not normal, healthy, heterosexual males. Now, if you can say you've seen him read Playboy, or salivate over other women's bodies (not their beauty; that's something entirely different), or other clues that he's sexually attracted to women, generally, then fine--maybe he just isn't attracted to you. The advice remains similar: you need to decide if YOU want to be in a marriage with someone who isn't sexually attracted to you. I would leave, personally; too frustrating and too hard on one's self-esteem. IF he is willing to work on this issue as I suggested in my previous post, then you might choose to give it some time to see if it improves. Best of luck!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I just don't get the 'gay' thing. He will not shower or change clothes in front of her, so that leads me to believe he has some major insecurity about his body, because these are situations that are every day things that don't involve sex. I think men typically have an easier time putting sex before insecurities...just sounds like he isn't that type of guy.


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