# How can anyone think me lucky?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I know that two extremes can't possibly understand each other but still... I don't see how I'm lucky at all.

Many here complain that their wives aren't putting out at all and here I am complaining that she's putting out too much. Sure I can see where one would think me as an unappreciative bastard... but...

Haven't you ever had sex against your will? To have to perform yet know that you simply aren't turned on or in the mood and then having to deal with your wife's complaints about your crap performance? Haven't you ever told your wife everything over the course of 7 yrs what you like and where your buttons are only to have her ignore them all and expect you to be horny for her just because you're a man with a penis?

Do I feel like I'm satisfying my wife? No
Can I do anything about it by sucking it up? No, I'm no sex god, I'm fkin human. Sorry... I had to vent...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You're going to get a lot of crickets posting that. 

What do your buds say when you complain to them, or do you not dare (like my H?)...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't complain to my RL mates because they are also my wife's mates and it'll get back to her somehow or someway! We have an inter-connected team-governed social circle remember? lol

Next thing I know she'll have my ass on a platter! Nah, I'd rather whine and seek help here.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i tried SO hard to understand where you're coming from.i really really did.but i can't 

oddly enough,if you were a woman,i'd get it.i'm ashamed and saddened to admit that


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

RD, you are in a unique position that not a lot of men can understand, but I think the women might get how you feel. Hang in there and stick to your boundaries. We all may joke around about the 2 or 3 times a day being great, but I can understand how day after day this exhausts you. You two have such an odd relationship, but I love reading about it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> What do your buds say when you complain to them, or do you not dare (like my H?)...


My buds would throw a brick at my head if I complained about my W wanting too much s*x.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> i tried SO hard to understand where you're coming from.i really really did.but i can't
> 
> oddly enough,if you were a woman,i'd get it.i'm ashamed and saddened to admit that



LoL! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yet I'm a man, so I shouldn't be acting this way, and because I am...

... hell
I want to satisfy my wife I truly do, but I have my own set of triggers and switches as well as the fact that up to 6 hours of fking a day can and has on many occasions left me with some seriously uncomfortable throbbing pain on the balls making it very difficult to walk comfortably and/or concentrate at work.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

In all my life, I've only had one man who was truly able to keep up and satisfy. Unfortunately, as a couple (outside our sexual realm), we were a complete and utter disaster. C'est la vie...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Yet I'm a man, so I shouldn't be acting this way, and because I am...
> 
> ... hell
> I want to satisfy my wife I truly do, but I have my own set of triggers and switches as well as the fact that up to *6 hours of fking* a day can and has on many occasions left me with some seriously uncomfortable throbbing pain on the balls making it very difficult to walk comfortably and/or concentrate at work.


OK, well I'm not THAT demanding. LOL....


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i feel for you RD. you're in a tough spot the comment about the sore balls really helps me understand where you're coming from...i'm being serious. i imagine having sore nuts is like having a sore vagina and NO ONE should have to deal with that crap.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> i feel for you RD. you're in a tough spot the comment about the sore balls really helps me understand where you're coming from...i'm being serious. i imagine having sore nuts is like having a sore vagina and NO ONE should have to deal with that crap.


The sad thing is even when she's sore, she still wants it. No normal woman would do this of that I am certain, no women in the past has ever been this insatiable. Do I love her? Hell yes, do I worry about her? Fk yes, do I want her to come with me to counselling? DAMN RIGHT!

She also had a past before she met me being an escort with no financial motivations and she even has a fantasy of bending me over and fking me with a strap-on. Hell she even tortured me once with a leather strap and caused me enough trauma that I've yet to unban cuffs/restraints in the bedroom.



> OK, well I'm not THAT demanding. LOL....


My wife needs help, yet it troubles me when people think that I'm the one who needs help because it reminds me of all the times she's convinced counsellors that I'm in the wrong. I know her better than anyone else in our lives and it sux when I have so LITTLE support...

I even go through with blood sex braving the smell during her times of the month and all I get when I complain is = man the fk up... bah! Hell and while I'm venting on this forum my wife is venting for me to come to bed! Sh-t!


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> ...that up to 6 hours of fking a day can and has on many occasions left me with some seriously uncomfortable throbbing pain on the balls...


Joking aside, I have to agree that that's ridiculous, and if it causes you pain, you have every right to cut down on the festivities.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've followed your story for a year.

You have my total sympathy. 

If you were a woman complaining about her husband wanting to have sex MULTIPLE times a day you'd get sympathy. Unfortunately the stereotype is men are walking hard ons without any emotional needs whatsoever. It's simply not true.

Your wife is mean, abusive, and controlling. Sex with her can't possibly be all that fun even on her good days. For her it isn't even about making love it's about compulsion.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aye... *sighs* thanks for understanding. It does mean a lot to have support

I guess I needed to vent it out, and to let people know how fked it truly is... ok, think I'll go to bed now lest my wife decides to launch an invasion on my man-cave...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> She also had a past before she met me being an escort with no financial motivations and she even has a fantasy of bending me over and fking me with a strap-on. Hell she even tortured me once with a leather strap and caused me enough trauma that I've yet to unban cuffs/restraints in the bedroom.




wow. see if you were a woman,people would be telling you to leave the bastard bc he's showing signs of being a sexual predator and harming your body and mind.

on the surface she's every man's dream. dig deeper and it's really a nightmare.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes, but I love her despite of it

Wish she can one day appreciate that too... even if I have been an ass to her myself...


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Hmmm, Yeah unfortunately here are some real issues RD.

A woman who chooses to be an escort for the sex..has issues...that need REAL help. There's nothing more to it than that. She's a certifiable nymphomaniac. The ONLY thing I feel you're lucky for is that she's obviously turning all her energy on you and not others. So there's positive to that. But its time to put the foot down. Really.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah I guess I'm lucky she's loyal at least, it's one of the reasons why I try not to poke on her faith too much as the church has helped her somewhat, even though it is obviously not a permanent fix as she simply channels her energy to drive me nuts.

I'm thinking of dropping the bomb on her tonight, see how it goes...


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I've followed your story for a year.
> 
> You have my total sympathy.
> 
> ...


:iagree: Your wife likely has sexual addiction.

Only you can stop the abuse.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> She also had a past before she met me being an escort with no financial motivations and she even has a fantasy of bending me over and fking me with a strap-on. *Hell she even tortured me once with a leather strap and caused me enough trauma that I've yet to unban cuffs/restraints in the bedroom.*


WTF? No, no, no, just no!

Dude, THAT is abuse. This woman is dangerous to your health, both mental and physical. 

What will it take for you to stand up for yourself and do something for your own well-being? Stop thinking so much about how to keep up with her sexual demands and how to please her to keep her. You need to think about yourself.



> My wife needs help, yet it troubles me when people think that I'm the one who needs help because it reminds me of all the times she's convinced counsellors that I'm in the wrong. I know her better than anyone else in our lives and it sux when I have so LITTLE support...


Yes, she does need help. Absolutely. 

I think you likely do, too. Do you see an individual counselor? If not, it might be a good idea because your IC would be there to help YOU and only you. I can't imagine the toll this is taking on you, and having an outlet for your thoughts and feelings with a counselor who is there to help YOU might be useful.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Love/sex addiction yes, she sure makes it difficult to fix too by her constant denials and she starts hissing if we managed to get deeper in discussion about this problem. Hence I am now convinced I can't really help her either than putting the foot down and dragging her to counselling.

Have a plan lined up for tonight and I hope she agrees to coming to counselling. If this is fixed I'll have nothing left to complain about with her, well, nothing as major anyway. We have a recent compromise in place but I know it won't last before she starts whining again.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

No I don't think your lucky.

Your sex life is way too over the top to be desirable.

Your wife abuses you...whats to envy?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

norajane said:


> WTF? No, no, no, just no!
> 
> Dude, THAT is abuse. This woman is dangerous to your health, both mental and physical.


Aye, this was years ago but it certainly has left a scar. To this day I'm still uncertain about allowing her to cuff/restrain me:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/54871-self-control-trust.html



> What will it take for you to stand up for yourself and do something for your own well-being? Stop thinking so much about how to keep up with her sexual demands and how to please her to keep her. You need to think about yourself.


Need support for one thing, I'm glad that people can see the problem now, in the past in RL I also had people telling me "but you love it"... erm no... *sigh* And with little support and people telling me to "man up" by sucking it up, well, it has been tough.

Since the seperation a while back (though short) she has become much less of a complete utter self-centered b-tch when it comes to her sexual demands. However she's still unsatisfied and complains when she's not getting enough. So I've tried everything already, we've come to the last straw.

Her coming to counselling with me to fix this would mean a lot to me, and we both need help and healing from this mess. Hence that's the payload on my bomb I am planning to deliver tonight!



> I think you likely do, too. Do you see an individual counselor? If not, it might be a good idea because your IC would be there to help YOU and only you. I can't imagine the toll this is taking on you, and having an outlet for your thoughts and feelings with a counselor who is there to help YOU might be useful.


My counsellor can only refer me, this is a hell of an issue apparently lol
I have a list to check out once my wife agrees however... if she agrees... hell I hope she does.

It's set up rather well, I've made a rather big sacrifice for her over the weekend, and she wants to do something for me in return -> this will be it!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Her coming to counselling with me to fix this would mean a lot to me, and we both need help and healing from this mess. Hence that's the payload on my bomb I am planning to deliver tonight!
> 
> It's set up rather well, I've made a rather big sacrifice for her over the weekend, and she wants to do something for me in return -> this will be it!


Counseling is a long road. And it becomes longer if your wife will not admit that she has some significant issues that she needs to work through and control. This won't be "fixed" by her coming to counseling. She has a lot of work to do on herself, not to mention the work you both need to do on your marriage. Showing up at the counselor's office is just the beginning.

As to your sacrifice, if she goes just because she owes you but isn't interested that your marriage is troubled or in doing anything about it, this won't work.

If I were you, I'd make sure she understands that she's not doing you a favor by going to counseling. If she doesn't understand that your marriage is in trouble and that she has a very large part in that, your marriage isn't likely to survive.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well it will be a start considering we've been going in circles for years with this issue. It's impossible at this stage for me to convince her to come knowing that these issues need to be fixed, I'm hoping that counselling can help reveal things in her that I can't reveal myself so that she can be brought to light in regards to how it's damaging our relationship and our sex life.

I've tried to make her understand, I've compromised, I've sucked it up, I've put the foot down, hell I can't think of anything else! I want to be a good husband and lover at the same time and to satisfy her which is very difficult.

She understands why I'm not allowing cuffs/restraints however, and that's about it. In her mind she's a "good wife" and that I should be lucky because she keeps herself fit, sexy, and that she reckons many men would kill for a woman like her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ne ways, here's a thread she started when she came on here. She thankfully doesn't come on anymore and regrets it, but this is how she denies the issue and tries to pin it on me:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/38487-too-much-ask.html

Please don't necro the thread, but I think it's fair, that her views are brought into the picture as well. Even if I don't agree with them and frankly she's in denial as some have already noticed. I've made changes for myself - including the flirting (I've stopped completely), the public affection (recent change and she's very happy), I've also cut ties to those of my own people who can't accept my wife, but it doesn't stop.

If it is insecurity driving her sex drive, then her sex drive would logically have decreased with my affection. It hasn't. I've taken what she said and did my best to be a better man since sobering up. I grew up from those days...

No change...


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

If you wife will not take steps to change, then you have to do so for yourself. 

Since your wife was an escort in the past, she likely picked up some warped and unhealthy views about sex. 

Maybe your wife is trying to get back at men who paid her to do sexual things she hated, so she seeks to humiliate her husband?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes, and I've done everything I can on my side so far, I've changed alot and she admitted that. Guess this puts me in a rather advantageous position compared to last time (I hope)



> Since your wife was an escort in the past, she likely picked up some warped and unhealthy views about sex.
> 
> Maybe your wife is trying to get back at men who paid her to do sexual things she hated, so she seeks to humiliate her husband?


Now that's a thought... it's a serious possibility! =/


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