# Do you make eye contact while having sex? And other questions...



## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Okay, this is super random but I'm curious... feel free to read my other posts to get an idea of my current marriage that is on a very serious downfall.

With my previous partners, I think I had always made eye contact during sex at one point. Sex with other partners was OKAY...nothing too exciting and I only achieved orgasm a handful of times.

Fast forward to my current husband and I've never made eye contact with him..or at least hadn't until two nights ago when I thought "**** it, if we're going to separate, I'm going to get over my fear and just look at him". I think it's an intimacy thing. We lack emotional intimacy and so I feel so much fear looking into his eyes...it seems so vulnerable to me. Like he can see into my soul and I don't want him to because I can't see into his (maybe he doesn't have one?? hahaha just kidding! sort of ). 

Is this weird?? Does anyone else feel uncomfortable making eye contact? It seems so intimate.

My other question is about our separation that is likely around the corner (due to the lack of emotional intimacy and disagreements about having a family)...Well, our sex life is.... well..phenomenal. I've often told him he's like a sex genius and I feel like he reads my mind. Each time feels like it's new (we've been together for quite a few years and have sex a few times a week). I always have an orgasm and I'm finally with a man who actually cares if I get off or not...before sex was just about the man and it was a given the he'd orgasm and I wouldn't.

This part of our relationship makes it really hard for me to leave. It makes me dread sleeping with another man because I know his body so well and I love being with him intimately. I have only had sex with about 5 men, including my husband, so I guess I may be a bit sexually inexperienced anyways. Should I stop sleeping with him so that it is easier to separate? I keep having thoughts like: "If this is our last few weeks/months or whatever together, I want to make the most of them" to "Every time I have sex with him, we solidify our bond and it makes separating harder." 

I don't know why I want to post this... I guess just to gain more insight. Everyone on here has been so kind and helpful! :smile2:


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

I'll be honest, that this post made me chuckle a little because it reminded me of a conversation that I had with a former GF prior to us having sex in the relationship. I forget how it came up, but we asked each other. I said yes, but she said not really. I asked her why and she replied that her favorite position was doggy style...

More seriously though. Yes. I love to make eye contact during sex (the few times my wife agrees to sex. She VERY LD), especially during orgasm. I find it to be a very much a bonding experience. I was like this with all my partners too...



As to your second question, how old are the two of you? Any kids? The break up seems to be mutual - and on good terms. Is this the case? What is leading to the separation?


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Edo Edo said:


> I'll be honest, that this post made me chuckle a little because it reminded me of a conversation that I had with a former GF prior to us having sex in the relationship. I forget how it came up, but we asked each other. I said yes, but she said not really. I asked her why and she replied that her favorite position was doggy style...
> 
> More seriously though. Yes. I love to make eye contact during sex (the few times my wife agrees to sex. She VERY LD), especially during orgasm. I find it to be a very much a bonding experience. I was like this with all my partners too...
> 
> ...


Haha, I'm glad I could make you laugh!

I'm 27 and he's 29. We don't have any kids. The break up is not mutual because he doesn't want it but refuses to work at fixing our obvious communication and intimacy problems. He refuses to open up about problems and won't communicate to solve any issues...that has been a big issue for us. The other is that he says he doesn't want kids now and that probably won't change in the future.. I am almost certain I want kids although I definitely don't want them now and the thought terrifies me at the moment.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

purplesunsets said:


> Okay, this is super random but I'm curious... feel free to read my other posts to get an idea of my current marriage that is on a very serious downfall.
> 
> With my previous partners, I think I had always made eye contact during sex at one point. Sex with other partners was OKAY...nothing too exciting and I only achieved orgasm a handful of times.
> 
> ...


Well I always felt the need to look at someones eyes I'm sleeping with, perhaps one that wasn't too attractive, but can't really remember to tell you the truth.

I don't sleep around, meaning I need to know the person very well have spme connection.

Funny you postes this, my wife and I just did the deed last night after a few weeks, to almost a month. She has been busy with work and the kids. Anyway we did it with the lights off, its not something I'm use to, shr said want to do a quickie and I hopped right on lol. 
Well my point is I like to see her face expression, her eyes! It's definitely connects us and I feel much more turned on.
Not sure about other guys, but I love to see a woman's faces and of course her eyes and thst goes 100% with my wife as I adore her and need to feel that level of intimacy with her.

Question, I've read a thread you posted, but don't recall if you both spoke about this separation. So does he know you're going down the separation road. I hope you both change your minds about it and can work on things.

Good luck.



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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Interesting that you pose this question at a time of breakup. If you're splitting anyway, why is this a concern for you?

But to answer your question directly, I love eye contact during. My wife not so much as she needs to concentrate which she does better with eyes closed. 

Fortunately, she's intensely beautiful either way.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

purplesunsets said:


> Haha, I'm glad I could make you laugh!
> 
> I'm 27 and he's 29. We don't have any kids. The break up is not mutual because he doesn't want it but refuses to work at fixing our obvious communication and intimacy problems. He refuses to open up about problems and won't communicate to solve any issues...that has been a big issue for us. The other is that he says he doesn't want kids now and that probably won't change in the future.. I am almost certain I want kids although I definitely don't want them now and the thought terrifies me at the moment.



Life so is not fair sometimes... Having to choose between emotional intimacy and mind blowing orgasms. 



It sounds like he cares for you if the break up is not mutual, but refuses to discuss intimate issues with you. Sometimes it is very difficult for men to express their feelings verbally. During your relationship, does he express his feelings for you in other ways? Does chores/ favors for you? Complements your beauty? Stuff like that?

(Don't misunderstand - I'm not advocating staying together if you made up your mind. Disagreements over whether to have children are difficult to overcome. My point is that he might not be as emotionally distant as it may appear.)

Would you both consider a "friends with benefits" type of relationship?


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Edo Edo said:


> *Life so is not fair sometimes... Having to choose between emotional intimacy and mind blowing orgasms.
> *
> 
> 
> ...


I laughed out loud. I wish I could like your comment more than once. It's so true . My friend often tells me about her sex life vs emotional intimacy and they are on the complete opposite side of us. Very emotionally intimate but no sex. Can't there be a happy medium? I'm not sure which is worse... Probably the sex thing because I've put up with the emotional intimacy stuff for many years but I'd probably be out of the marriage if we weren't having sex. 

He doesn't really express his feelings for me in other ways beyond making me laugh every day and spending time with me (which are two of the things I really love about our marriage). However, he's failed to even make an effort to show me love in the ways that I need. For example, he didn't do anything special for our anniversary or my birthday this year. Even after asking him to do something special, nothing... in fact, I made the birthday breakfast for us AND cleaned up the dishes... bs.

I don't know about the friends with benefits thing. I'd love it if it could work, but I feel my mind might be too consumed with "who else is he sleeping with? does he do this with her?". I can't even begin to think about it. It makes me sick.


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Interesting that you pose this question at a time of breakup. If you're splitting anyway, why is this a concern for you?
> 
> But to answer your question directly, I love eye contact during. My wife not so much as she needs to concentrate which she does better with eyes closed.
> 
> Fortunately, she's intensely beautiful either way.


Not so much a concern as it is a curiosity. Perhaps I'm like your wife... I feel like I lose focus when I make eye contact but more often than not I feel like he can see my soul...hahahaha


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Suspicious1 said:


> Well I always felt the need to look at someones eyes I'm sleeping with, perhaps one that wasn't too attractive, but can't really remember to tell you the truth.
> 
> I don't sleep around, meaning I need to know the person very well have spme connection.
> 
> ...


He knows but, as many on this site have mentioned, I don't know how seriously he's taking me this time. I think he can sense my reluctance still. I still have this fighting urge to make it work...but the only thing that is different this time is I won't budge anymore. I'm not willing to be the only one fighting and trying to make it work. So if he doesn't join me by the time I've made plans to leave, then he's sh*t out of luck. 

I just have this feeling that he's going to realize how stupid he's been AFTER I leave...it just seems like such a hassle. Can't he figure it out now?? I can't remove myself physically due to financial reasons, so in his mind everything is probably the same. However, last night I yelled at him for the first time in a long time (I've worked through very volatile anger issues and haven't lost my temper in many, many months). Perhaps he is taking me more seriously now. My next step is to stop having sex with him for a month or two...I don't mean to be manipulative but it seems to be my only option for trying to save our marriage.

I feel I care too much and I take our vows more seriously. I've been fighting for our marriage since the beginning and he's been chilling waiting for me to work through OUR problems ALONE.


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## biwing (Feb 2, 2017)

I have always looked into the eyes of my female partners because I believe that you CAN see into their most personal place and can get a very good hold on where they are at. I have had several partners and looked into all of their eyes before, during and at the conclusion of sex, except for the one who was a co-worker and she got upset when she saw that I was looking, or trying to, stating that she believed that looking into the eyes and kissing was only to be done with a life partner! Well I found out where I stood with her ................. regret doing her anyway for many other reasons. (I do not think that she was a hooker on the side but ..............)

I get many signals from the women's faces and eyes that I feel are a true reading of them. All except the above one, were impressed that I was so into them as a person and not as an object for my pleasure. Some even said that they wished that their husbands would do it for them.

Sex for me is an intimate connection and should be treated as such. (not a love thing but a connection, except for my wife where it is definatley love) I've never had a one night stand with a stranger nor do I want to. A self session is more pleasing to me............


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

Sorry you just posted a response to my question.

Let me tell you something about myself which I was going to post on your other thread.

I have two children from a previous, my wife did not. She was 23, and I was 30.
I never really thought about kids, we never really spoke about kids. 

We broke up 3 years later but could not live without each other well that's what I like to think, lol.
She later stated to ask about kids, the thought of breaking up again and leaving my kids for me.to raise them part time terrified me. Instead of telling her this I just told her I didn't want kids.

On her 33rd birthday we had a serious talk, I saw how bad she wanted kids. I wasn't really oppose to the kids, it was the fear as I mentioned above.

Today we have two beautiful Amazing daughters, and I'm extremely happy.

I'm not saying he'll change is mind, but you have to do what you have to do want the things in life. 
Perhaps he'll open up more once you both separate, not a guaranty but it might shake him up, or it might not depending how much you mean to him.

Good luck 

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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

purplesunsets said:


> I laughed out loud. I wish I could like your comment more than once. It's so true . My friend often tells me about her sex life vs emotional intimacy and they are on the complete opposite side of us. Very emotionally intimate but no sex. Can't there be a happy medium? I'm not sure which is worse... Probably the sex thing because I've put up with the emotional intimacy stuff for many years but I'd probably be out of the marriage if we weren't having sex.
> 
> He doesn't really express his feelings for me in other ways beyond making me laugh every day and spending time with me (which are two of the things I really love about our marriage). However, he's failed to even make an effort to show me love in the ways that I need. For example, he didn't do anything special for our anniversary or my birthday this year. Even after asking him to do something special, nothing... in fact, I made the birthday breakfast for us AND cleaned up the dishes... bs.
> 
> I don't know about the friends with benefits thing. I'd love it if it could work, but I feel my mind might be too consumed with "who else is he sleeping with? does he do this with her?". I can't even begin to think about it. It makes me sick.



Your friend sounds like my wife and me. We love each other very much, but she is way way WAY too LD (low drive). It's really the only area we don't mesh. We had sex 4 times last year. That's it. When it became too much (or little...?) I had to confront her. She said it's messed up that I counted and it's too much like keeping score. I told her the messed up part was that I could count it on one hand. She had no reply to that...
(I do more than my fair share of household chores too, on top of being the only breadwinner...)


I'm sorry, but it seems like you are doing the right thing by deciding to eventually break up. Just out of curiosity, when you did finally look into his eyes while having sex, what did you see? Did you get the revelation that you are doing the right thing by separating, or were you left just as confused as before?


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Edo Edo said:


> purplesunsets said:
> 
> 
> > I laughed out loud. I wish I could like your comment more than once. It's so true <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/frown.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Frown" ></a>. My friend often tells me about her sex life vs emotional intimacy and they are on the complete opposite side of us. Very emotionally intimate but no sex. Can't there be a happy medium? I'm not sure which is worse... Probably the sex thing because I've put up with the emotional intimacy stuff for many years but I'd probably be out of the marriage if we weren't having sex.
> ...


To be honest, it didn't change too much. It was nice to face my fears but I feel everything is too far gone at this point. Unless he professes his love and tells me he'll go to counselling/ do something seriously life changing, I'm done. 

Although the lure of our sex life is pretty damn enticing..that will be really hard to walk away from.


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Suspicious1 said:


> Sorry you just posted a response to my question.
> 
> Let me tell you something about myself which I was going to post on your other thread.
> 
> ...


Aww, your post gives me some hope! It honestly makes me feel better to think that when I do leave, we might find each other again and for the right reasons. However, I know I shouldn't leave thinking that will happen because it might not. 

I'm happy you two found your way back to each other. What a cute story!


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

purplesunsets said:


> To be honest, it didn't change too much. It was nice to face my fears but I feel everything is too far gone at this point. Unless he professes his love and tells me he'll go to counselling/ do something seriously life changing, I'm done.
> 
> Although the lure of our sex life is pretty damn enticing..that will be really hard to walk away from.



I completely understand your feelings, and wish you the best of luck. 

If I may offer one final piece of advice, don't put too much stock in a person's words, especially near a break up. People are capable of saying anything to keep from losing someone. Actions always speak louder than words, especially at times like these. Take care...


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Edo Edo said:


> purplesunsets said:
> 
> 
> > To be honest, it didn't change too much. It was nice to face my fears but I feel everything is too far gone at this point. Unless he professes his love and tells me he'll go to counselling/ do something seriously life changing, I'm done.
> ...


Thank you! I don't imagine he'll say anything anyways. He's a man of almost no words hahaha.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

biwing said:


> I get many signals from the women's faces and eyes that I feel are a true reading of them. All except the above one, were impressed that I was so into them as a person and not as an object for my pleasure.


I agree. Its the perfect method of monitoring their pleasure and engagement and adjusting your techniques accordingly.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

On the eyes question, my answer is yes. I've never thought that could be a problem. Now some people want to have lights out during sex, and others keep eyes closed, there are more than just my views. If one has a good relationship and eyes closed works for all, than that's ok.
It sounds like the problem is deeper than eyes closed. *It may not be best to dwell on the "I'm afraid because it feels like he can see into my soul" thing. Honestly that belief if true itself may be covering an insecurity or other issue. 
Do you mind planning special events and telling him when to show up? 
Best in mind that arrangement doesn't work for me, some people, but does for others. If you make the effort and he doesn't show up, that's a sign / confirmation his priorities are skewed.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

A woman can make me climax with just her eyes sometimes...

'Tis the reason why eyes are the first thing I look at when dating.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Eyes, aye, are the windows to the soul.

My wife and I devour, the only word I have been able to think of to use, each other with our eyes, quite a bit while we are having sex.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

I would think it would be too difficult to maintain arousal with my eyes open. My imagination is not strong enough to picture I'm having sex with somebody else when I'm looking at my wife.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

When I'm cumming, yes. And screaming out her name, as well!


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## DeeDeeDaBee (Mar 9, 2018)

Oh yeah. Well we used to. You catch eachother scanning over the other and just lock and usually give him a little grin. That was when we had sex like normal people that are actually into each
Other. Honestly I'm jealous that you have intimacy issues and still get sex,and like that. I don't know how I've done it for almost 5 years. And I'm just now 25.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Making eye contact during sex, at least for me, seems to be nothing more than human nature! Which is why I absolutely love performing oral on my lady, to just watch her take in every scintilla of oral pleasure that I am trying to dish out!

If it's "doggy-style," then I'd wholeheartedly recommend doing that act in front of a mirror!

But my biggest question in this whole scenario is: If you're really this close to separating and ultimately with divorce on the distant horizon, then exactly why are you having sex with them anyway?*


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *Making eye contact during sex, at least for me, seems to be nothing more than human nature! Which is why I absolutely love performing oral on my lady, to just watch her take in every scintilla of oral pleasure that I am trying to dish out!
> 
> If it's "doggy-style," then I'd wholeheartedly recommend doing that act in front of a mirror!
> 
> But my biggest question in this whole scenario is: If you're really this close to separating and ultimately with divorce on the distant horizon, then exactly why are you having sex with them anyway?*


Because I love him and we have amazing sex... hahaha. And I want to. 

We're not separating because we don't like each other or something... and soon we'll no longer be having sex so I figure, why not?


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> I would think it would be too difficult to maintain arousal with my eyes open. My imagination is not strong enough to picture I'm having sex with somebody else when I'm looking at my wife.


Hah.

I see what you did there!

Ninja edit


purplesunsets said:


> Thank you! I don't imagine he'll say anything anyways. He's a man of almost no words hahaha.


Was he like this before you married?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

arbitrator said:


> *Making eye contact during sex, at least for me, seems to be nothing more than human nature! Which is why I absolutely love performing oral on my lady, to just watch her take in every scintilla of oral pleasure that I am trying to dish out!
> 
> If it's "doggy-style," then I'd wholeheartedly recommend doing that act in front of a mirror!
> 
> But my biggest question in this whole scenario is: If you're really this close to separating and ultimately with divorce on the distant horizon, then exactly why are you having sex with them anyway?*


Yes, there are a number of positions for which a mirror is an excellent prop!


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

snerg said:


> Hah.
> 
> I see what you did there!
> 
> ...


Yep. At first I thought it was the language barrier...and that he was shy. Then he had to move back to his country temporarily so we mainly talked online for a year... then he moved back and we moved in together right away and got married (to keep him in the country) a few months later. So, it was by no means a conventional relationship/progression and ultimately decision to marry. We kind of just flowed and let everything besides logic dictate our future (me more so than him, I tend to romanticize a bit too much).


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Eye contact - my wife and I actually had sex about a month and a half ago (kids were staying with friends out of town as we attended a wedding), and as she was on top of me, we just looked at each other. No talking, just looked into each others eyes as she rode me. I get aroused just thinking about it.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

purplesunsets said:


> Yep. At first I thought it was the language barrier...and that he was shy. Then he had to move back to his country temporarily so we mainly talked online for a year... then he moved back and we moved in together right away and got married (to keep him in the country) a few months later. So, it was by no means a conventional relationship/progression and ultimately decision to marry. We kind of just flowed and let everything besides logic dictate our future (me more so than him, I tend to romanticize a bit too much).




Hey. I was planning on getting married after I was done with my schooling. So about age 25 or 26. 

But my wife couldn’t date unless we were chaperoned. What time we did get alone she teased me mercilessly. Then she said she would give me a one year warranty on marriage. She said she guaranteed I would be happy, but there was no way she could do anything until we got engaged and married because of her religion and family. She desperately wanted to get freedom from them and I was her only way out.

So much for my plans.

I’m just lucky, that for me and my wife it has worked out. But the start isn’t logical. No better than yours. Just lucky.

So don’t kick yourself.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

That's interesting I suppose.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> I would think it would be too difficult to maintain arousal with my eyes open. My imagination is not strong enough to picture I'm having sex with somebody else when I'm looking at my wife.


Really?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

WilliamM said:


> Eyes, aye, are the windows to the soul.
> 
> My wife and I devour, the only word I have been able to think of to use, each other with our eyes, quite a bit while we are having sex.


Well said.


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