# Feeling like I’m checking out



## 353258 (12 mo ago)

I’m a 21 yr old female who got married young before but only to benefit the other person(this was at 18) I got an annulment after a few months due to infidelity, I have been going through this cycle of being in toxic relationships but then I met my now husband and things were great I know I’m an asshole and my lack of chaos in my life is what’s preventing me to be happy. Chaos has always been in my life since I was a toddler, but when I met my now husband like I said things were great I would get the attention I wanted and more I was happy but I do think we got married too fast we met and dated in June I didn’t get asked to be a girlfriend properly nor did I get proposed to properly we got married in July and have been together since but slowly he’s showed me sides of him that I don’t like. I know I’m not perfect specially when alcohol is involved but I gave it up for him. I say out of pocket stuff but he’s hurt me emotionally more than I can count before it was like my dreams and thoughts meant the world to him but now if something else is distracting it’s like he doesn’t care he might listen but I don’t feel like we connect anymore. We met through the military so we aren’t from the same place. So when we connected it was instant it was like I was dating my best friend but recently I’ve been depressed and I hate saying that but I turned my life upside down to be where he is and i no longer see my family which is killing me because I’m very much a family person. Recently we got in an argument about money but it wasn’t because he spent the money because I never check what he spends but an occasion happened where he told me to check why money was taken out so I did and he spent 153 on a video game, which is ridiculous to me, but he proceeded to say he never gets anything for himself but everytime he gets paid he gets a new game we’re lacking a few things at our house which we need and I don’t work, so when he said that it broke my heart because I don’t go to the gym or do my hair nails etc things to make me feel good but he complains, bills we all have to cover but video games are more of a want than a need and it killed me he then proceeded to say I was a b***h and that I should go back to my abusive ex. Someone I had been on and off for 3 years prior to him. I have worked on myself so much that I know what I will no longer take and I told him I was leaving as in to go see my mom for maybe a few weeks or days but I didn’t specify he threw things and scared me since I have ptsd from past EXS and Domestic v. But ever since then it has been crystal clear I’m mentally checking out no matter how much he tries anymore. I’m depressed I hate myself when I want to make my own money and I ask him for help he says yes and then “forgets” everything that has to do w me is last his car broke down and my mom drove us home (we were 4 hrs away from my moms) and towed his car back to her house to get fixed and he knows he has to pay her the tow and the car bc my mom isn’t rich she still has my brother to care for. And he doesn’t seem to care I’m just depressed, I’m not happy and I don’t find my marriage fulfilling like i thought I was going to and I honestly feel horrible bc I love him but idk how much more I can take. I’m mentally checking out and I need help..


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You're only 21 and you are already on your second marriage? You need to get into individual counseling to help you stop being dependent on someone else for happiness. Happiness comes within oneself, not from someone else. at this stage of your life you should be in school getting prepared so that you can depend on yourself only for what's the rest of your life. It seems that this marriage was doomed from the beginnings, so your best bet is to get out while you can, and concentrate on yourself for awhile before you start to date again. But it's up to you really to do do what needs to be done. So many people at your age have the time and conditions in their life to better themselves, but don't do it. get the information from government agencies to obtain everything you need in order to get help to better your life. DO IT.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You don’t work? At 21 you need to work. You’ll have money and be able to do some things and be proud of yourself.
At the least you’ll be able to afford counseling for the things you need to work on.


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