# help with love no love



## lostinGA (Jun 19, 2012)

I have been reading alot of the forums for the last couple days and love the support I have been seeing. I have been married for 14yrs, we were close friends for years before we got married. We have two boys, 11 & 12. We have been struggling through alot of silent times in the last 6-8 months and we were recently in one of these times last week when on Sunday morning she asked if we were ever going to talk, being it was fathers day I was feeling very open and said that I would talk with her anytime. She began to tell me how things were over and that she loved me but was no longer in love with me. That she had no attraction for me in her heart. I knew things were not great, and around Christmas we had some very serious conversations that I can look back now and see that mishandled badly. I have asked if there is someone else and she says no, but she says she will not entertain counseling, that nothing is left to talk about and that we need to move forward with the divorce. I feel just destroyed by all of this, I don't know how to reach her. Since Sunday I have tried to give her some space, still have some conversations with her, and have tried to be very receptive to anything she has to say. We have been very cordial to each other, we hug in the morning, she gives me a quick peck and a hug before bed. She has not asked that I don't sleep in the bed. I have been reading everything I can since Sunday, searching for a way to reach her, since she says no to therapy or counseling or a preacher etc I asked her to look at one of the at home systems. She agreed to look at it and when I said thanks she made it very clear that I shouldn't hold on to false hope. She has taken her ring off and walks around and interacts with kids in the best mood I have seen in some time. I imagine she feels quite alot of weight off now that she has said what she has been thinking for a while. Since we somewhat agreed to handle this on our own, isn't it a good sign that she has not asked to fill out the paperwork? I am afraid to ask her too much for fear she will feel I am pressuring her so I feel like everyday she doesn't ask for help in doing the paperwork is another day of hope. With that said I am crushed by this and this feeling of "is today the day" is seriously impacting my ability to work. Sorry this is quite rambling, my first time on any type of forum.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Lost - can you give us some more information as to what happened before the silent times? Did she express displeasure with some parts of the marriage, or ask you to do things that you didn't pick up on? Any new activities in her life the last year or so? Can you tell us how the Christmas conversations went?


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## WokenUP (Jun 23, 2012)

Once I make up my mind, it's pretty much a done deal. Sounds like your wife has done a similar thing, I'm guessing this has been in the works for a long, long time - you both didn't realize it. 

I would hope she'll come around and at least try to reconcile for the kids sake alone, but that'll take some prodding. 

Have you tried to reach out to her friends?


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