# What to do about selling house??



## Herky811 (Jan 3, 2014)

Okay, so... Long-short: Married for 5 years, have two little girls. Wife constantly yells at me and cusses at me in front of them. Have said if things don't change that I will leave. That's gone off and on the past two years, now. 

I think (I just don't have courage!!) I've finally made the decision, but I'm clueless on what to do about this situation we have right now. 

We bought a new house about a year ago that was at our max price range. We couldn't sell our starter house, so we are renting it out and the lease conveniently runs up October 31st. 

My wife just got told she had to take a pay cut a month ago, it's so drastic that we really cannot afford the house we currently have. We made the decision to list it and already have a very good offer on it (phew). 

So, here's my predicament. I've pretty much decided 100% that I am done with our marriage. Should I wait until after we officially sell the house to tell her? Or should I go ahead and tell her so we can tell our current renters? I have a feeling, with her lower pay, that she would want to move back into our smaller house (which I would want her to have, anyways, since she would more than likely keep the kids the majority of the time).


UGH! Help!!


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I think I'd opt for telling her after you have a firm contract and a closing date, but before the actual closing.


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

Herky811 said:


> ..... have a feeling, with her lower pay, that she would want to move back into our smaller house (which I would want her to have, anyways, since she would more than likely keep the kids the majority of the time)....


Let's see....
1. Two very young dependent children........check
2. A wife who has a very small income........check
3. You are leaving the marriage.........check

Let me clue you in.......You have not even begun to "feel" what the Family Court System is about to do to your finances......:rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Don't tell her until the ink is dry on the sale. Until that happens it can fall through and you need her cooperation.

Give your tenants move out notice. Tell your wife that you all should move back into that house until you re-access what to do about housing.

Once in that house file for divorce if that's your plan.

But you do not move out of the family home until either custody is settled 50/50 or the divorce is final, whichever comes first.

IF you want to try to save the marriage, after you move tell her it's divorce if she will not go with you to MC, stop her abusive behavior and fixes the marriage. 

if she says she's not abusive, get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and record her yelling. Then, after y ou make copies of the recoding, play it for her so she can hear what she sounds like. Play it for the MC too.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Go into counseling to try to save your marriage so your children don't have to grow up in a divorced household going back and forth between households.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Go into counseling to try to save your marriage so your children don't have to grow up in a divorced household going back and forth between households.


Easy to say when you are the one "happily married".


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

if you are dead set on leaving, review family court protocol

with a smaller salary and I am assuming 50 / 50 custody

you will be paying quite a bit in CS

your starter home.....what will happen to it?

Chances are one of you may be moving back into it


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## Herky811 (Jan 3, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Don't tell her until the ink is dry on the sale. Until that happens it can fall through and you need her cooperation.
> 
> Give your tenants move out notice. Tell your wife that you all should move back into that house until you re-access what to do about housing.
> 
> ...



Thank you so much for your thought out post! And to everyone else who posted replies! I've actually done the recording thing and when I played it back to her she threw my phone across the room and said I 'set her up.' 

Just to update, we are already under contract for the house we were selling and close at the end of the month. We have notice to our renters that we would be moving back in after their lease is up at the end of October. Only bad thing is, we'd be without a home for the month of October. During that time I wanted to find a single-month lease somewhere, but she pretty much laid down the hammer and said we have to move in with her family.

Talk about good timing???


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

do you have somewhere to stay other than with her family?


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> do you have somewhere to stay other than with her family?


Look into an extended stay hotel. They are usually very large, sometimes with multiple bedrooms, kitchen, living rooms, etc... and can be rented on a weekly or monthly rate, usually $150-250 per week or $750-1000 per month depending on the size and location. I used to stay in them a lot for work.

Does she know of the pending divorce?

Im sure it will be awkward staying at her parents but its only for one month, just bite your tongue, smile all while knowing it will soon be over. Plus with all the financial shuffling it is probably a good idea save some money.

Plus with her parents around to watch the kids it will give you some free time to handle some of the paper work needed for the divorce. You can "stay late" at work a few nights, when youre actually just meeting with lawyers, filing paper work, doing research, etc...


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