# Out of no where, had a really bad day...



## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

So its been over a month since ive seen my stb ex wife. I recently landed a great job in my field, I have been exercising, eating right, losing weight, building muscle, sleeping well, and getting out more with friends. Whatever I can do to make myself better inside and out I've pretty much been doing. 

Well, to summarize my situation: While still boyfriend and girlfriend, we broke up over a year ago for 6 months, figured stuff out, got back together, I proposed. Married for 3 months. One day she sits me down tells me she isnt happy, doesnt think she can make me happy(to which I protest) might be depressed, its all her parents fault, she has no capacity to love, blah blah blah. I shouldve mentioned she was the one who broke it off with me before. So we went 2 weeks w/o talking this time, she went to a doctor, he gave her some kinda antianxiety meds, and she called me to talk. Saying its too far gone, etc, how could I be happy with her after everything, she doesnt want it to go 10 years and then this, etc etc. So I filed for divorce. I figured at this point I'm done with this woman she is a plague on me in every way. Well, today I saw her at the gas station, not sure if she saw me, well, she pretty much had to since she walked right past me. And she looked really, just, bad. Distraught, stressed, not well at all. I thought at first, good, I'm glad she looks like hell, but then... As I drove home, the more I thought about it, it made me really sad. I got home and basically broke down and cried hard for a good while.

Anyways... So I am done with this woman. I know it logically, and I think I know it emotionally too. She cant be a part of my life anymore. I was SO SURE of it (as some of my previous posts indicate) and actually happy and ok with it. So whats the deal? Where is my mind right now? Anyone venture a guess? Bottom line, I don't ever want to be with her again. I know it. I can think of a billion things I'd rather do. I don't miss her, or lose sleep about it. So why did seeing her mess me up so bad? I mean, her looking less than "healthy" shouldve pleased me in some sick way, like a haha I'm doing better than you type thing. But it just makes me so damn sad. I need advice in a bad way.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I suspect that seeing her was just a trigger for a lot of emotion that is typically under control, doesn't get "let out" much, and usually isn't overwhelming--but once that little bit of sadness seeped through, it was like a dam breaking, and everything came out. This doesn't mean you are squelching emotion on a regular basis, it just means that until now, you hadn't reached a point where you needed to let go, and then you did. You were sad b/c it's a sad thing--even if we KNOW it's for the best, etc. And nice people never really want to see another human being in bad shape. I would not read too much into it--it happened, and may never happen again, or may happen a year down the road, but it's not unusual and unless you find yourself crying like that all the time, it's not something to worry about.


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

You felt bad because you still care. You probably are not in love with her anymore. But definitely you still care for her and wants the best for her. After all, you've shared a life together at one point.

It is not bad to care. It is normal and very human! I guess, sending her a text/email that you hope she is doing great would help.

All the best to you!


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