# Why can't I be more open?



## loveismymonster (Jun 23, 2011)

My husband and I have been together for 6 years married for 3 1/2. And I can't do things outside of my "safe zone" i.e. missionary, other places, other sexual things. My problem is, when I was younger I was somewhat promiscuous. I was able to do some stuff outside of my safe zone.

I feel like because I was wrong when I was younger, I can't do those things now. I don't know. All I want is to be outside of my box and make my husband happy.

I'm sure this makes no sense, but does anyone out there understand what I'm trying to say?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Makes sense to me. If you believe you were "wrong" when you were doing those things, it stands to reason you also feel the men doing and wanting those things with you were wrong. Maybe by denying your husband this activity, you are saving him a special place, protecting him from becoming "bad" in your eyes (bad, like the other men in your past). Maybe you're afraid you won't be able to respect him (or yourself) if you removed this guard.
If this is the case, I think any change would have to involve you making peace with whatever you did when you were younger.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

So, are you feeling guilt and regret over what you did in the past? It is ironic that the time when we most often should have felt guilty is actually long past. Feeling guilty back then may have helped you to forego the promiscuity. Likely, the only person still carrying that bucket of guilt for those acts long gone is you. Your husband and relationship are the ones bearing that burden along with you.

Simply let go of it. You have no reason to feel guilty for doing those things now with your husband. This is the one time when it is allowed - guilt free! Don't let the ghosts of the past haunt your current days. Let. it. go.

_"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." ~ C.S. Lewis_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Give yourself to your husband. This is where you are allowed to do what you were ashamed of before. Your h loves you and you are deserving of one another. Don't deprive your marriage because of the past. Use that past to value and appreciate your present.

Don't deprive either of you.

Please don't wreck your future because of some flubs in the past. It would be so sad for you both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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