# Has anyone ever just walked away from it all?



## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

Just curious - as mentioned in the topic title, has anyone just walked away from it all without telling her/him beforehand? "It" being a bad marriage, house, a vicious, vengeful spouse, etc.

Note: No kids under the age of 18 invovled.


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## Avalon (Jul 5, 2011)

I dream of that every day LOL! I've already mentally divided up the furniture. But... We have kids and pets and a house and it wouldn't be that easy. Still, a girl can dream, right?


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

I know what you mean, Avalon!

Just to clarify my original question a bit - I'm not talking about completely disappearing. I'm talking about walking away and still getting a divorce afterwards via the lawyer$.


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## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

D8zed said:


> Just curious - as mentioned in the topic title, has anyone just walked away from it all without telling her/him beforehand? "It" being a bad marriage, house, a vicious, vengeful spouse, etc.
> 
> Note: No kids under the age of 18 invovled.


I daydream about this pretty much every day. In my fantasy, I take a taxi to the airport and get on the first plane going somewhere vaguely civilised to start again. I know I couldn't actually do it though.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

WhiteRabbit said:


> my mom did that. just walked away. scheduled a moving truck to take her half of the furniture and house items...packed her clothes,took a car and left. no warning to anyone except me.
> 
> she didn't even tell anyone but me where she was going. she just vanished to the world for several months...meanwhile my stepfather received the divorce papers via process server. she was entitled to half of all their assets including his retirement...she took none of it.
> 
> it was the bravest thing i've ever seen anyone do. she lived in marital hell for 17 years before she finally snapped and walked out the door.


Wow, what a story! How old were you when she left? What were your feelings about her leaving? Did you feel she abandoned you?


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## jpc (May 8, 2011)

I did in April. He had yet another "blow-up" and left for the weekend. In that 48 hours I packed all my worldly belongings, moved into a motel, bought a new phone, and forwarded my mail to my parents house in California. After five weeks I had hired an attorney, had him served, defended my dissertation, moved states, and started a new job. 

He was shocked. Frankly, so was I. Lol. But looking back neither one of us should have been. We'd been to marriage counseling more times than years we'd been married! I remember him accusing me of having an affair. Nope. Just sick of your sh** dude. 

My divorce was finalized two weeks ago. I gave him everything (house, bank accounts, cars, etc.) I got the dog and the chance at a happy future. Both, priceless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

@jpc,

Thanks for the reply. You mentioned you moved states. How many times did you have to return for court appearances and what not?

I read a post on another forum where some guy said he had to fly back a couple of times.

And if I may ask, any kids involved?

@WhiteRabbit,

Thank you very much for the insights. I appreciate it.


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## jpc (May 8, 2011)

Nope, no kids. That was a big reason why I left when I did. Inner monologue for months: "I want kids but if I have kids with him, then I'm really stuck."

I didn't have to fly back at all either. My attorney faxed/Fed-Exed/etc. all the necessary paperwork to me. Since I was the "Petitioner" of the divorce, technically I was supposed to be the one to make the final court appearance to finalize things. But my attorney was able to negotiate it so that he would since he was still living in the area. Attorneys are costly but, depending on your situation, often worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

Got it, jpc. Good info and I appreciate you sharing your experiences.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In a sense I emotionally walked away. There was so much resentment I stopped caring. I didn't give a dam about my WW and she did her thing while I did mine.
I took care of the bills , the house she took care of the kids and her boytoys.
I had my career and my work buddies and my beer. I had my trouppy wife, prostitute, babysitter and house sitter. She did all this while we both checked out of a healthy marriage.

So in sense we both walked away from all the hard issues.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

the guy said:


> In a sense I emotionally walked away. There was so much resentment I stopped caring. I didn't give a dam about my WW and she did her thing while I did mine.
> I took care of the bills , the house she took care of the kids and her boytoys.
> I had my career and my work buddies and my beer. I had my trouppy wife, prostitute, babysitter and house sitter. She did all this while we both checked out of a healthy marriage.
> 
> So in sense we both walked away from all the hard issues.


Kind of where we are too, minus the outside "interests". So is that where you are today? You remained in the situation?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

The thought has passed my mind. Just get in the car and drive forever.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> The thought has passed my mind. Just get in the car and drive forever.


If you decide to do that, you better drive this direction and drink a beer or two with me on your way through. lol


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No, its been 20 months, we have both decided this was not the most healthy way to live our lives. Even if we did split we would still most likely keep these "additudes" so we both saw a change need with in our selves that needed to be made.

It just so happens that we both wanted the same things and discontinued our old relationship and started with new relationship with better behaviors with a better out come.

We now stay away from the things that tore at us apart for so many years. As we continues to improve we also find our marriage improving.

Once we got away from that "tit for tat" mind set and you can validate a real commitment with each other it gets easy. The hard part is having the faith that the other person will follow suit and the possiblity that your spouse won't do the things for a healthy marriage and the tough dicision to move on with out them. 

So far this is not my case, but only time will tell *if* one of us gives up and revert to old behaviors. As I do not have the trust (never did), I do have the faith that we will succeed. 

Blind trust will get you no were, but faith thats what keeps me going and I do trust but I also validate the trust I give to others.

So it been 20 month since the sh!t hit the fan and we are far from were we were several years ago, we are both in a much better place.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> If you decide to do that, you better drive this direction and drink a beer or two with me on your way through. lol


Yes sir ! LOL. Just a little daydream you know. Wonder what a life of no responsibilities would be like.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

the guy said:


> So it been 20 month since the sh!t hit the fan and we are far from were we were several years ago, we are both in a much better place.


Wow, that's great that you and your spouse have decided to work on the marriage together. I think you two are a lot stronger than Mr. and Mrs. D8zed. I certainly wish you all the best and thanks for sharing your story.


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