# Married name, keep or toss?



## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

I'm sure this has already been asked but I didn't see it so I'll ask again.
I was asked by stbxh if I planned on changing my last name back and he was irritated that I didn't plan on it. I was asked by my lawyer as well and it seems it's covered in the divorce to have it done but I said no. I will have the same last name as my kids who were both very upset they couldn't change their last names lol.

So did you go back to your maiden name? Were you offended when your ex kept yours?


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Offended


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I don't plan to change mine, ESPECIALLY since my ex "demanded" in a very nasty way that I do it. I'm sure he wouldn't like to have a different last name than our children, and I don't want to either. I'm the one who went through 48 and 25 hours of labor and then had 2 c-sections for them. I earned the right to share their last name. He wrecked our family. Twice. Quite honestly, I should be asking him to let me change the kids' names to my maiden name!!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I kept my ex H's last name because we divorced rather amicably. I not only asked him, but also his parents if I could keep the name. If anyone had objected I would have gone back to my maiden name without an issue. We didn't have any kids.

I was more thinking of the name as an identity - the person I was. It was not something that I mentally tied to my ex, the divorce, the "wasted" years, etc. It was more a reminder of who I was, what I'd learned, and that I would never again be the girl I was when I had my maiden name.

From the perspective of paperwork, it is much easier to keep the name than go through the bother of changing it back. I can also understand wanting to keep the name if you have any children.

ETA: The name might be something technically passed from the man, but once a woman accepts that name, I believe that she has altered her identity and absorbed some of his, which he willingly shares by way of marriage. It becomes her new identity. Therefore, I think that it is not unreasonable for a woman to want to keep that name, even if things did not end very amicably. For a man to demand that she go back to her old name... while I can understand his perspective, I think it is at that point a bit unreasonable for him to "demand" it be removed. Just my opinion.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Satya said:


> I kept my ex H's last name because we divorced rather amicably. I not only asked him, but also his parents if I could keep the name. If anyone had objected I would have gone back to my maiden name without an issue. We didn't have any kids.
> 
> I was more thinking of the name as an identity - the person I was. It was not something that I mentally tied to my ex, the divorce, the "wasted" years, etc.* It was more a reminder of who I was, what I'd learned, and that I would never again be the girl I was when I had my maiden name.*
> 
> ...


Interesting. I like it.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Interesting. I like it.



I like it too, that sums up how I felt about keeping my married name pretty well. I was married for the same amount of time I was single so I kept it. Added bonus was I didn't have to do any of the BS paperwork and change all of my accounts or get another license photo>


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Is it harder to change a name after marriage than before?


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I'm with all the women here. I kept mine because it is my son's name, and because it's my professional name, as well. And like Kristin, it has been my name for half my life. 

My ex said he wouldn't mind whether I kept it or not, it was up to me and he had no say in it. This is legally true. If he had tried to pressure me to go one way or the other, I'd have gone the other way just to spite him. Our breakup was amicable, but not as amicable as he thinks.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

It's not so much a matter of hard as a matter of time. You have so many accounts to change your name on. It requires writing to, calling, often times more than once or twice...

Plus, when you change something like your SS card or passport, they want the original marriage certificate.... Then, there's always a chance that some dufus misspells your name on a legal document, which happened to me the first time I was married. Such a PITA to get it changed AGAIN and having to wait more time for them to fix their own mistake.

Just.... annoying!


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

LBHmidwest said:


> Is it harder to change a name after marriage than before?



I don't think it is honestly, because IIRC your divorce decree is all the proof you need to change your name with everyone that matters.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

In my state, it's free to change your last name in the divorce decree. It costs about 500 bucks to change it later.

I ditched my married name at the time of my divorce as quick as I could!

I still use my married name when introducing myself to anyone involved in my kids' lives. My email is still my married name. All legal documents are in my maiden name. 

I find no one much cares which name I use!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> I don't think it is honestly, because IIRC your divorce decree is all the proof you need to change your name with everyone that matters.


It's a pain in the ass no matter what. You have to change your name on everything and it's expensive. New drivers license, new social security card, new passport, new birth certificate, And then changing all your bills and informing people that your name has changed. And perfect strangers want to know why. 

That said, I didn't go back to my maiden name, because my bio father wasn't involved in my life and no one else in my family had the name. 
I didn't have children either and didn't want to be associated with my xh. So I dropped the last name all together and now use my middle name as my last. I will never change it again. For any reason.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Lawyer said it would cost near 800 to change it later. 
I'll change it if I ever get remarried or when h drops dead. Whichever comes first.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> In my state, it's free to change your last name in the divorce decree. It costs about 500 bucks to change it later.
> 
> I ditched my married name at the time of my divorce as quick as I could!
> 
> ...


Hm. I like this approach too. I do know that no matter what I do, everyone at my kids' school will still refer to me as Mrs. ____ since I volunteer there and honesty they have no clue what my maiden name is, so what else would they call me? I'm not the type to correct them. But, I do like your answer, Happy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First XW kept my last name because of my sons having it ~ and has kept it to this very day. And it does not offend me in the slightest!

As for my RSXW, she opted to have her last name reverted all the way back to her maiden name, which I heartily applauded as probably one of the best decisions that she ever made!

Well, other than for trying to use her two BF's to try to cure that insatiable itch way deep down between her thighs, all without any of my knowledge!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

HS, if you want to keep your married name, you keep it.....you earned it, who cares what your STBX thinks!


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