# Father is Alcoholic



## AlwaysPickWrongOne (Sep 21, 2020)

So here is my story: I have a 10 year old son from a previous marriage. My current husband and I began dating when he was 5 and thinking that I learned from my previous relationship, I made sure that I made my expectations very clear before we got married. Without boring you of all the details of lies and things that have occurred, I will only say that I came home unexpectedly while my husband was babysitting our 18 month old while sucking down a bottle of vodka. I now know that he is a functional alcoholic and all the signs that I did see, I dismissed and explained away in hopes that he was the good person that I had thought he was. In that moment, I had him leave the house because I deemed that a dangerous habit/addiction and no reaction (from me) would appear as though I did not think it was a big deal. I have a small child with him to consider, and an ex husband that would be exceedingly happy to find any reason to challenge my custody of my older child. I had my husband leave the house, made him volunteer to seek treatment, attend meetings, and be monitored by a device installed by the county that we live in. I receive monthly reports. He has demonstrated 4 months of sobriety, but I also know those breathalizers can be circumvented if need be. 

I allow frequent and regular visits for him and our child so not to disrupt our son further. However, I do not let him leave the house with him. If our separation leads to divorce, what type of visitation schedule could or would be constructed to ensure my child's safety? My husband has an older daughter in which his ex wife put parameters in their divorce papers regarding no drinking during visitation, but back then I assumed she was being a control freak and explained that away. Trust me, I am 100% to blame for not paying better attention and putting my children in this situation. However, my husband is still my youngest son's dad and I am not sure what visitation should look like for someone who cannot afford a place to live (living with his father right now) and who turns to drinking under any stressful situation. And yes, he has driven his daughter around while inebriated. So, I need to figure out how to achieve accountability for both of his children since he will not, in order to protect them.

Any advice is appreciated.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He will need to have supervised visits. I knew a lady who found out that her husband was watching porn with his 2 small children in the same room. From then on he was only allowed supervised vists which was right. If they cant be trusted then thats what must happen. 
Its hard to know how you didnt noitce. Did his breath not small of alcohol all the time?


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## AlwaysPickWrongOne (Sep 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> He will need to have supervised visits. I knew a lady who found out that her husband was watching porn with his 2 small children in the same room. From then on he was only allowed supervised vists which was right. If they cant be trusted then thats what must happen.
> Its hard to know how you didnt noitce. Did his breath not small of alcohol all the time?


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## AlwaysPickWrongOne (Sep 21, 2020)

He would selectively do it while driving or hiding and use something like mouthwash to cover it up. He would hide the liquor in his vehicle. As our relationship was already deteriorating, and he was sleeping in a different room, he was drinking as everyone slept too. Keep in mind he operated a fertilizer terminal in this condition and no one noticed. For me, his frazzled appearance and acting aloof in conversations where it was like talking in circles with a toddler. I thought I was crazy. I think the drinking was also initially a reaction to stress and to some degree depression from his divorce and mother’s death. 

I have been allowing supervised visits for the last 4 months, I’m just not sure how to adapt and/or progress and ensure sobriety. Breathalyzers are so easy to work around if you work hard enough. And right now I’m in a position to set things up the way I see fit. I want sobriety, his children deserve that much from him. So I want him to succeed and not fail. So I don’t don’t how to execute supporting his journey while also most importantly protecting my son. Having him back in my home jeopardizes my other son.

It’s a mess...


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