# My husband says he may not want children



## Isabellam (Aug 23, 2010)

Hi, 
This is my first post here. I just need some input on this situation. My husband and I got married over 2 years ago, at that time he said he wanted kids. Now, he is saying that he is not sure. I am ready to be a mom and would love for us to start trying to have a family. How do I deal with this? To me this can be a deal breaker.

Help!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I guess the first thing is to ask him why the change? Explain that part of the "contract" you two made was based on the believe that you would have a family.

If he has legitimate reasons (health, financial, etc...) work those out, either with yourselves or with a counselor.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I agree with Chris, the first thing to do is find out why he's suddenly changed his mind. Or...did he change his mind? Make sure that it's not a matter of he never wanted them and only said otherwise to appease you. Once you determine the why, figure out if it's something that can be addressed and resolved, or if it's something that he will not back down from. 

If having kids is a dealbreaker for you, then you need to find out why he changed his mind, if it can be changed back, and if he is adamant that he will not have kids, you need to examine carefully how you feel. If you stay anyway, you could end up resenting him. If you leave, you have to look at the potential outcomes. If you leave, what if you don't find someone you consider suitable to father your children? What if all the men you meet don't want kids? What if it takes so long to find someone that you can't easily have children any longer? What if you end up discovering that you have fertility issues? Are you willing to be a single parent if you do have a child and that child's father doesn't stay around or the relationship otherwise doesn't work out? 

I'm not trying to convince you to stay with him, or to dishearten you about the possibilities of having children. The chances of those things happening are not that great, but they do exist and are something you should consider. And the single mother one is one you should consider, as well, if he tells you he's changed his mind again and wants kids.

The only big thing I do want to caution you on, and I don't think you would do this (you sound very reasonable and mature based on your post here), but don't try to trick him into having a kid by going off birth control secretly or anything like that.


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