# never ever thought we would end this way



## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

hi everyone, I've been reading a lot on this site for the last month and decided to share my story.

I'm 47 and my GF is 41, we have a 4 year old son who's really the apple of my eye. we both have very good jobs, a nice house together and we are really doing well. We have been together for 15 years.
My GF always had many interests like musea, arts and since I'm not interested much in these things she's often off alone or with (female) friends. It was never an issue and I never had doubts as to what she was doing.

Fastforward to a about 2,5 years ago. Her father who was really like her best friend got unexpectedly very ill and died 6 months later very young at age 62 (she has no more contact with her mother since before I met her)
The last year she really took off with being away from home. She had made some new female friends at work and combined with those she already had she was away really as much as she could. In hindsight I realize now I was being written out of her life cuz every fun thing she found to do she would suggest it to her friends and never to me anymore.

I also started to notice rather small but strange behavioural changes. I had a feeling something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it. I mentally pushed most worries away since we were a happy fully functional couple (= including sex). it all changed on October 20th. she had left her phone at home while taking our son to school and I looked cuz it was still unlocked... thats when I got stumped in the gut and the earth opened up beneath my feet. Turned out she was seeing someone from work for at least a year. The OM has a girlfriend as well. From what I read he is really keeping my GF on the backburner. I read her complaining that he didn't send a single text when on holiday for 3 weeks and complaining to him they almost never see each other.

2 days later I confronted her when our son was in bed. First she denied it and challenged me how I came up with this stuff. After I told her I read it literally in her phone she became furious as in 'how dare you violate my privacy'!!! like I murdered a couple baby-seals with my bare hands...

Then her mask came off, she turned to ice and told me she had checked out of our relation for over a year ago and we should start to 'de-couple' which is the D-word for people that are not married I guess. When asked how I was supposed to know she replied there was no way I could have known. About the affair till today she has refused to talk. she litteraly said she will never ever discuss anything about it with me.

In my initial reaction I booked a coach, we went once together. It was clear enuff it would be of no use.
After reading many stories on here and other sites I realized there was nothing I could do. I embraced the 180 for the most part. I also took initiave with the bank and notary to prepare needed documents to get her out of our joint mortgage. Thanks to these actions, she has been able to buy a house. Paperwork and keys will be ready by mid April 2022. She also wants to have some work done before she moves in and since my little boy will live there I agreed, meaning that we will still live together till july 2022!

I just can't understand how this has to end like this. There was never any abuse (substance or any other). In august I threw her a big party for her 40th birthday and she read a letter out loud to all guests stating I was the best man in the world. The only 'explanation' I got from her till now is that we are too different (which I agree we are somewhat different characters but it helped balance each other for 14 years rather well) and that there have been key moments when she didn't get my support like her father dieing and while she was pregnant and some things I'm supposed to have said 15 years ago. Finally she says we are missing emotional connection which I don't 100% disagree with but I really tried last year to get closer to her but she was not open to it (anymore). I'm completely shocked by how little empathy she has left. It's normal for her talk on the phone with her friends, laughing out loud, making plans to go out or discussing how she will decorate her house. she seems completely oblivious to the impact this has and will have on me and on our son for the rest of our lives. It really borders on cruelty. It shows total lack of respect as well.

since the D-bomb, the atmosphere has been calm and we are gentle to each other. Weirdest thing is that since a week after D-bomb she wants to have sex and a lot of it.... I mean we had 3-4/day for 20 days straight till I crashed lol. And the sex is much different/better than it used to. Afterwards we would talk but she says it is just lust and it is 100% separate from any emotional connection which even for me as a man is really hard to fathom.

anyway, I feel like I bought front row tickets for a very sad movie and I just have to watch it all unravel... next step is telling my parents after the holidays which will shock them at their old age. We had christmas dinner at their place all together like all is well which was hard for me. I really hate lies/lieing. It is very unnatural for me. Our son is also their only grandchild and they have a big role in his life since they pick him up from school every day and he stays with them till one of us can come pick him up after work.

I really love her and we will have to keep seeing each other for our 4 year old (yes we started very late). most of the times, children are in their teens by our age. the idea I will only see my son grow up half the time really crushes me. he is very sensitive and intelligent.

all in all I feel I'm not doing too bad in keeping it together although there are days I could easily break down in sorrow. if possible that's when I take my bike out for a good ride.

I know there are many many rough months ahead. I would like to thank everyone on this site and the replyers for all the stories. it really helped knowing how many men experience this while being completely blindsided and for all the recognizable 'systems' that seem universal in almost all stories.... 'checked out, ILYBINILWO, rewriting, affair fog.... '. many stories here could be copies of mine if one changes just some minor details

if anyone has any more insight/advise, I happily take all I can get. I'm also struggling at lot with what I should tell my parents. If I tell all there's a risk they will push her away and they might not see their only grandchild as often anymore in which could be their last years.

take care everyone

B.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I don't have anymore insights. You know the score.

But I can tell you that I have been where you are, and many here have been also.
We know pretty close to exactly what you're going through. 
Even though I've long moved on to a new and happy life, I can still feel the pain
When I read stories like yours.

In my case, I really had an idealized view of my partner. 
I didn't acknowledge the real her until she turned on me.
I was deep in the fog of love and couldn't see the forest for the trees. 

Some people are just not built for the long haul.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

I'm so sorry you're here and dealing with this baribal. Many of us have been where you are, survived and prospered. You will too! 

At least you discovered this now, not 10 years from now. She's ice cold and selfish, you don't deserve to be stuck with her.

Stay strong, you seem to have things in hand. Keep posting to clear your mind or vent, we're here. Are you getting therapy for yourself? It really helps, especially when you need to tell your child when things start changing.


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> Are you getting therapy for yourself? It really helps, especially when you need to tell your child when things start changing.


9 months ago I stopped smoking after 25 years with just one hypnosis session. I now read that MRI's show the same parts of the brain light up when one is in withdrawal from nicotine or other drugs as when you experience heartache/broken heart. So far I've had two sessions from a woman who specialises in breakups and I must say, it definately calms your brain down and helps detaching. I also visited a psychologist twice but I stopped cuz last session he proposed 'crying therapy'. that sealed that path for me lol
as for the kid, we visited a children psychologist already without him and we will launch a trajectory once we tell him in april.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

baribal said:


> hi everyone, I've been reading a lot on this site for the last month and decided to share my story.
> 
> I'm 47 and my GF is 41, we have a 4 year old son who's really the apple of my eye. we both have very good jobs, a nice house together and we are really doing well. We have been together for 15 years.
> My GF always had many interests like musea, arts and since I'm not interested much in these things she's often off alone or with (female) friends. It was never an issue and I never had doubts as to what she was doing.
> ...


Once she mentions that she does not love you, the only way she would check into the relationship is when she's out there and failing at one relationship after the other. Then, you're permanently plan B and never plan A again. 

Just get on with the divorce and drop her.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Look it’s not a good sign that she was harassing the boyfriend while he was away. It sounds like she’s a clinger, and he backed off pretty soon. I would say your wife is a problem-child and the boyfriend quickly saw it too. Even a normal person in an affair would understand that when the AP is away with family or whatever, they’re not going to contact and risk their happy-family thing. Doesn’t sound like girlfriend material let alone wife material. Sorry you’re here, but she’s done you a huge favour!!


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

you took some positive steps. However, the sex may have been great but in the end, it's no use. With a 4 year old, she went this route. You are still young enough to get someone who will be loyal to you. Just move on but protect your assets. If you stay in this, it's on you


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

baribal said:


> Weirdest thing is that since a week after D-bomb she wants to have sex and a lot of it.... I mean we had 3-4/day for 20 days straight till I crashed lol.


I trust you saw her clean STD tests BEFORE you had sex with her again after knowing she's been in a long term affair.

Right?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

She is having sex with you so you don’t find someone else. She is selfish!
Have her move now! She can rent a place. She did this - she needs to move and give you space to heal. Space to be away from her and the lies she’s told you - the pain she’s caused.

Stop being SO kind to her…she ruined your family life! She wants out - make her move ASAP! That will be better for your healing in the long run.

She isn’t nice. And stop having sex with her! Who knows what diseases she has!


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> Stop being SO kind to her…she ruined your family life! She wants out - make her move ASAP! That will be better for your healing in the long run.


At the moment, I can't even kick her out since she is co-owner of the house untill the paperwork is all finished (end of march). but even then if I get her out, I'll still lose my son half the time like 4 months sooner :-(. also I'm being kind not so much for her but in the interest of our kid which I think is the most important reason to 'get along'...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Being a martyr is a thankless task.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You are being weak with her. Consider options that begin to take care of you and your future.

She sees you as a backup plan. And you are definitely volunteering for that role.

Seek more professional help - you need to learn how to be stronger and how not to engage with her.

Stop having sex with her! It’s designed to manipulate you!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Going to be really rough on you,having to live with her. She’s not a good person. Do what you have to, but don’t be weak and allow her to run you over.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@baribal We will be here for you.


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## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

Is the affair still ongoing? Does the AP's girlfriend know of the affair? She should be told.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Don't wait til July to start living your life. Start dating. I'd invite a lady or two over for coffee t'were it me. I'd also inform the pos's girlfriend.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

It sounds to me like she is just keeping you around because her Affair Partner hasn't committed to her yet. She's keeping you on back-up status.

If she really wants to "de-couple" from you, then do it. Cold Turkey. Just split now. Have her move out, formalize a child custody/support arrangement, then go your separate ways. 

I'm willing to bet that if she is forced to make some hard choices, things won't be so rosy for her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Reading the first few paragraphs of your post I was wondering what you did have in common because literally the only thing you mentioned you did together was sex, but you started off mentioning all the various interests she has that she shares with other people. I'm really sorry you're going through this and that it ended in deception. I just think the bottom line is you did not have enough in common. She sounds like a socially active creative person. 

When you did mention that she failed to invite you to do fun things and insteaddodf them with friends, that hinted that you did have some things that were fun that you could do together but didn't mention what. And I wondered at that time whether you invited her to go do things or just left it up to her to do the inviting, perhaps because she is more the leader in the relationship and maybe you were more the follower, but I don't know. 

I do think that's the main problem though, just not enough interest in common and she's a very interest driven person. Sorry she snuck around on you. There's no excuse for that. I do think you'd do well to let her go. You're always going to share the child. If I were you I would go for 50/50 joint custody which in the United States is the norm anyway. No reason you and your child should not see each other just as often as she and the child do. Best of luck going forward.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

It's so difficult to read posts of men that knowing that their mate has been ****ing another dude for so long they continue to have sex with the woman. How pathetic that is, and what does that says about the man, if not that he lacks self respect, dignity and thst he's a man of little principles.

This is what I see, when I read OP, a weak man that has put his manhood on the *****'s pockets just to get along. No wonder why she's dumping him. OP just can't see it.


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

SRCSRC said:


> Is the affair still ongoing? Does the AP's girlfriend know of the affair? She should be told.


well Iknow at least they still talk to each other on week evenings when they are both in their cars. cuz of covid we all have to work 4/5 days from home. I ordered a VAR online and it arrived yesterday. I will plant it in her car if only to confront myself with reality when I have a weak moment and to keep as evidence in case things turn really ugly. I don't think the latter will happen cuz she seems very afraid we might become hostile to each other and what effect that would have on our kid. during the one-time coaching session we had, the counsellor asked us both what we feared the most. Mind you this was about one week after the bomb. I answered my biggest fear was breaking up. Her answer was her biggest fear was a 'war of the roses'/ very hostile D. She often says she would like for us to have a cup of coffee when we drop our son at one another in the future and talk amically. That is her ideal scenario for her in her mind


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

Wolfman1968 said:


> It sounds to me like she is just keeping you around because her Affair Partner hasn't committed to her yet. She's keeping you on back-up status.


well, she bought a house of her own to be on her own so I'm not fully on board with that idea. in 9 days I will inform my parents, in two weeks will we sign documents transferring our current house entirely to me. every week the detachment progresses. the more I think about it she's just done as with a WAW.


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Reading the first few paragraphs of your post I was wondering what you did have in common because literally the only thing you mentioned you did together was sex, but you started off mentioning all the various interests she has that she shares with other people. I'm really sorry you're going through this and that it ended in deception. I just think the bottom line is you did not have enough in common. She sounds like a socially active creative person.
> 
> When you did mention that she failed to invite you to do fun things and insteaddodf them with friends, that hinted that you did have some things that were fun that you could do together but didn't mention what. And I wondered at that time whether you invited her to go do things or just left it up to her to do the inviting, perhaps because she is more the leader in the relationship and maybe you were more the follower, but I don't know.
> 
> I do think that's the main problem though, just not enough interest in common and she's a very interest driven person. Sorry she snuck around on you. There's no excuse for that. I do think you'd do well to let her go. You're always going to share the child. If I were you I would go for 50/50 joint custody which in the United States is the norm anyway. No reason you and your child should not see each other just as often as she and the child do. Best of luck going forward.


Fair questions from your side. She certainly is an active person who can be interested in virtually anything and always on the lookout for things to visit (exhibits, places....), new experiences etc
I have my fair share of interests as well and most if not all she always found interesting too. Like going to concerts from bands we both like to adventurous vacations together. i just didn't follow her anywhere since that would be exhausting and I feel both partners should enjoy some space. for example, if one of her favorite painters had an exhibition 1000 miles away, she would take a day off work, hop on a plane in the morning and be back in the evening. 

it is true she is very 'alpha' in the sense that everything always has to go 100% as she has it pictured in her mind. so yeah she took more initiaves than me, also because she was constantly searching in magazine and online for things to do. after the birth of our son I started to initiate a lot more myself to find new playgrounds and places to go within driving distance and she was happy to go along. just not in the last year anymore.

yes I will have 50/50 with my son, but it still means a loss of half the time.


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> It's so difficult to read posts of men that knowing that their mate has been ****ing another dude for so long they continue to have sex with the woman. How pathetic that is, and what does that says about the man, if not that he lacks self respect, dignity and thst he's a man of little principles.
> 
> This is what I see, when I read OP, a weak man that has put his manhood on the ***'s pockets just to get along. No wonder why she's dumping him. OP just can't see it.


harsh words but I don't blame you . I would probably feel the same if a friend told me of such situation at his home. I think one is just so blindsided in shock and terrified that one can no longer think straight and guesses in all desperation that these actions will restore connection somehow.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Beach123 said:


> She is having sex with you so you don’t find someone else. She is selfish!
> Have her move now! She can rent a place. ....


i was thinking along the same lines.
you said you were buying her a house, and helping her to fix it up, and she can not move until July?

you did not spend your OWN money on that, did you? Sounds like she has you wrapped around her little finger.
_"she bought a house of her own to be on her own so I'm not fully on board with that idea. in 9 days I will inform my parents, in two weeks will we sign documents transferring our current house entirely to me. every week the detachment progresses"_
I am hoping this means you two just divided the assets in a way that you both end up owning a house free and clear of each other!

i would DNA test the son, too, just in case the entire thing was a sham to rope you in.


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i was thinking along the same lines.
> you said you were buying her a house, and helping her to fix it up, and she can not move until July?
> 
> you did not spend your OWN money on that, did you? Sounds like she has you wrapped around her little finger.
> ...


you misunderstood. I pay her for her part in our current house so that it will become 100% mine. I don't spend a dime more than what I owe her. also I'm not gonna work in her house. I did help her in finding contractors to go work asap there to speed up the process. no need to DNA my son since it was through IVF in hospital.also she is not asking anything more financially than what she is owed. she has never been after money, we both make good money. it was even hard for me to buy a dinner for us now or then without her paying half of it back afterwards. it bothered me often she didn't let me spend some money on 'us' now and then.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

baribal said:


> you misunderstood. I pay her for her part in our current house so that it will become 100% mine. I don't spend a dime more than what I owe her. also I'm not gonna work in her house. I did help her in finding contractors to go work asap there to speed up the process. no need to DNA my son since it was through IVF in hospital.also she is not asking anything more financially than what she is owed. she has never been after money, we both make good money. it was even hard for me to buy a dinner for us now or then without her paying half of it back afterwards. it bothered me often she didn't let me spend some money on 'us' now and then.


good for you!!!


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Does the POS's girlfriend know yet?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

baribal said:


> hi everyone, I've been reading a lot on this site for the last month and decided to share my story.
> 
> I'm 47 and my GF is 41, we have a 4 year old son who's really the apple of my eye. we both have very good jobs, a nice house together and we are really doing well. We have been together for 15 years.
> My GF always had many interests like musea, arts and since I'm not interested much in these things she's often off alone or with (female) friends. It was never an issue and I never had doubts as to what she was doing.
> ...


You should stop having sex unless you want to catch an STD as well as strengthen her position in D and increasing your own emotional roller coaster pain. 

You can start to heal now for you. Her wanting to have sex with you now is supporting her plan to get a more favorable divorce and to leave you with the thought she was your best and you'll not be able to replace her, etc etc.

She screwing you as part of her mind games. She's lied, cheated, stolen from you, over and over for years.

Post that on the fridge. THAT'S how you got where you are now. 

Don't be so foolish.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Ragnar Ragnasson They don't need a divorce. They aren't married.

The sex? Probably guilty sex so she can pretend that everyone involved is just happy, happy, happy! 

When the truth is her partner is not happy, her APs wife is not happy and their son is not happy. but she and the AP are happy, so why should she care, right?


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Can't she find somewhere else to live while the house is having work done? 

Once the house is signed over to you it isn't really your responsibility to house her and the idea of living with an ex who has had a long term affair for over 6 months is pretty tough to accept. I hope she will be paying you rent at commercial rates once you completed buying her out.

I suggest you be civil until the ink has dried on the mortgage transfer, but I would then tell her she needs to find another accommodation solution as you can't live with her for that length of time after what she has done. You need to move on with your life and no other decent woman will accept you still living with your ex.

Others are going on about sex, not sure if that is still happening, but stop it if it is! Not healthy or useful to you.


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## crushed2x (Nov 14, 2021)

baribal said:


> 9 months ago I stopped smoking after 25 years with just one hypnosis session. I now read that MRI's show the same parts of the brain light up when one is in withdrawal from nicotine or other drugs as when you experience heartache/broken heart. So far I've had two sessions from a woman who specialises in breakups and I must say, it definately calms your brain down and helps detaching. I also visited a psychologist twice but I stopped cuz last session he proposed 'crying therapy'. that sealed that path for me lol
> as for the kid, we visited a children psychologist already without him and we will launch a trajectory once we tell him in april.


where do you get hypnosis and is it remote or in person. I need something. This is a long hard road


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Stay strong bro! It’s hard but it does actually get better. It just doesn’t until you completely have them cut out of your life. Don’t accept blame for being a “bad partner” if you know it really isn’t true. An ugly fact that nobody mentions is that a huge portion of the population is incapable of being content and loyal to their partner long term. It’s not easy finding one that is, and that you love. But take heart— at least now you know and can have the opportunity to find a good person when you’re ready.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

baribal said:


> Fair questions from your side. She certainly is an active person who can be interested in virtually anything and always on the lookout for things to visit (exhibits, places....), new experiences etc
> I have my fair share of interests as well and most if not all she always found interesting too. Like going to concerts from bands we both like to adventurous vacations together. i just didn't follow her anywhere since that would be exhausting and I feel both partners should enjoy some space. for example, if one of her favorite painters had an exhibition 1000 miles away, she would take a day off work, hop on a plane in the morning and be back in the evening.
> 
> it is true she is very 'alpha' in the sense that everything always has to go 100% as she has it pictured in her mind. so yeah she took more initiaves than me, also because she was constantly searching in magazine and online for things to do. after the birth of our son I started to initiate a lot more myself to find new playgrounds and places to go within driving distance and she was happy to go along. just not in the last year anymore.
> ...


So when you say it will be a loss of half the time with your son, I guess you mean because you saw him every evening or after work or whatever. With her doing all this running around, I guess she is leaving the son with you a good bit of the time. I usually just advise getting the judge's order to 50/50 custody and being very strict about not letting the other spouse talk you into babysitting for it them during their time, but if you actually want to I imagine she'll be happy to do that when she has an excursion she wants to go on. 

With 50/50 custody that's three and a half days each of you has the son means you have to do all the errands and care associated with that on those days. It will mean occasionally having to leave work to have a meeting at the school or to take the son to the dentist. 

I'm just afraid if you try to stay with her that you're just going to be constantly eaten up with distrust and that it's just going to be worse for you than if you just let her go. It does sound like you were reasonably active with her and no one can be expected to try to keep up with someone who is very on the go like that and I doubt if she would have liked it if you had. Honestly she sounds like me when I was young the way she would take off and fly somewhere to see one of her favorite artists. I used to do that with bands. I don't know how she's doing that with a child so it sounds like you must have been key in making that possible for her. If you get 50/50 custody she's going to have to limit those activities to the days she doesn't have custody I think. 

I suppose with her being so active it's kind of inevitable that she meet other people she's interested in, but if she saw that coming, she should have gone about it the correct way and not snuck around. 

I could be wrong that you can't shoulder the distrust if you stay with her and I say that because you have been very secure during this relationship with not really minding if she follows her interests and goes off and does things, which is very good and very healthy on your part. So maybe you could handle what it would take to stay with her but I'm just thinking you might just be kicking the ball down the road because she might just decide to leave whether you both agree it's the best thing or not.


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## AdrianTT (Dec 21, 2021)

OP, your story saddens me. Hang in there bud, there are better times ahead. You need to move on.


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## baribal (Dec 27, 2021)

crushed2x said:


> where do you get hypnosis and is it remote or in person. I need something. This is a long hard road


You should try google search hypnosis + the city you live in. Try to find one who has experience with heartbreak. I’ve had physical sessions but most offer remote too if you have a stable internet connection and a decent headset. Advantage of remote is you can record it and reuse as many times as you can. There are also quite a lot decent ones free on youtube if you search hypnosis + letting go or similar search terms. Just lay down witj your headset and fire up an hour or two hours session.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

baribal said:


> ...2 days later I confronted her when our son was in bed. First she denied it and challenged me how I came up with this stuff. After I told her I read it literally in her phone she became furious as in *'how dare you violate my privacy*'!!! like I murdered a couple baby-seals with my bare hands...


This is so common with cheating spouses when they want to blame their spouse violating their privacy. I suppose its the first step in blame shifting.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

baribal said:


> I answered my biggest fear was breaking up. Her answer was her biggest fear was a 'war of the roses'/ very hostile D. She often says she would like for us to have a cup of coffee when we drop our son at one another in the future and talk amically. That is her ideal scenario for her in her mind


Of COURSE continuing to be friends with you is ideal to her. It would say to her "see, we are still friends so what I did isn't so bad". STOP that crap. She wanted out, so let her be out. You don't have to be friends with HER to have a good life with your son. Start working on yourself -- gym, clothing, hobbies, etc., and don't even think about her anymore.

She's worried that things may become hostile and affect your son -- too bad she didn't think of that BEFORE she cheated on you.

STOP having sex with her -- you realize she is still banging the other guy, yes? Once you stop it will help you detach more quickly. Continue to do the 180. DON'T be her friend. She gave that up by cheating on you. Be cordial so that details with your son are ok, but absolutely do the minimum with her. No help with moving or fixing the new house, etc.
How did she qualify to buy the new house if the paperwork is still in the works on YOUR house?

Also, make sure his GF knows that they are banging -- show her proof (or she may not believe you).


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

baribal said:


> well, she bought a house of her own to be on her own so I'm not fully on board with that idea. in 9 days I will inform my parents, in two weeks will we sign documents transferring our current house entirely to me. every week the detachment progresses. the more I think about it she's just done as with a WAW.


Once those transfer papers are done, get her out of YOUR house. She can rent or whatever until HER house is available.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

baribal said:


> I answered my biggest fear was breaking up. Her answer was her biggest fear was a 'war of the roses'/ very hostile D. *She often says she would like for us to have a cup of coffee when we drop our son at one another in the future and talk amically.* That is her ideal scenario for her in her mind


Being all super friendly is for appearances and to soothe the guilt for blowing up the family. I agree with others that you need to have her move as soon as those papers are signed. Let her move in with her boyfriend. Oh wait, he has a family. 

Why haven’t you exposed that POS to his girlfriend? do you think it will push them together? He will throw your wife under the bus so he can salvage his relationship/family. 
Is it because then she will limit your access to your kid? The courts will very likely give you 50/50 custody. Is it because you hope to not anger her? Now that would be WEAK. She’s been fracking and pining after another guy for well over a year and it is you walking on eggshells? F all that noise. It is not right for you to keep the OM’s girlfriend in the dark. Besides, that F’er helped your wife tear apart your family. You should return the favor, by nuking his from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. 

Also, stop having sex with her. It is just prolonging you from getting over her.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

As soon as the house is in your name - make her move!
She wants a new relationship? She can figure out where else to live! Anywhere but with you!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

baribal said:


> you misunderstood. I pay her for her part in our current house so that it will become 100% mine. I don't spend a dime more than what I owe her. also I'm not gonna work in her house. I did help her in finding contractors to go work asap there to speed up the process. no need to DNA my son since it was through IVF in hospital.also she is not asking anything more financially than what she is owed. she has never been after money, we both make good money. it was even hard for me to buy a dinner for us now or then without her paying half of it back afterwards. it bothered me often she didn't let me spend some money on 'us' now and then.


Recently read a story where the woman had Dr. use her APs sperm for the IVF. And let hubby unknowi gly foot the bill to get her pregnant. He did not know until after she started fighting him on custody and informed him child was not his.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

jsmart said:


> Being all super friendly is for appearances and to soothe the guilt for blowing up the family. I agree with others that you need to have her move as soon as those papers are signed. Let her move in with her boyfriend. Oh wait, he has a family.
> 
> Why haven’t you exposed that POS to his girlfriend? do you think it will push them together? He will throw your wife under the bus so he can salvage his relationship/family.
> Is it because then she will limit your access to your kid? The courts will very likely give you 50/50 custody. Is it because you hope to not anger her? Now that would be WEAK. She’s been fracking and pining after another guy for well over a year and it is you walking on eggshells? F all that noise. It is not right for you to keep the OM’s girlfriend in the dark. Besides, that F’er helped your wife tear apart your family. You should return the favor, by nuking his from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
> ...


Not to mention the STD she will most likely give you as a parting gift


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

New year, new you.

Eradicate her from your life to the greatest extent possible. This includes DNA test on the kid to be sure he is yours.


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## Elise2022 (Jan 2, 2022)

Some people experience setbacks when they are young, and some people experience frustrations in their middle age, both in work and emotions, which you have to face and resolve.

If the person you love does something incredible to you, then she has deviated from the runway. Maybe you and her not the same kind of people, but you didn't find out. What you find now is better than when you are 60 years old.

So there is no need to be sad, tangled, solve the problem as soon as possible, and don't waste your life.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

you are doing all the right thing. continue your 180 - show her that you dont care and honestly start dating, at least find a female friend. 
about 50/50 - consider it a break to focus on yourself. the 50% you will give will be 100% effort if not more and you will enjoy that time more since you will have plans a head of time with your kid. 
hit the gym, 7 days a week twice a day. 

don't be nice to her nor rude - treat her as formal as possible. always show a smile on your face. 

above all, stay strong


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