# Need advice on Divorce decision.



## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

Hi all

First off, I want to say I never really look up advice for my problems online but it's 4:50am , I can't really sleep, and I have nowhere else to turn to.

I've just recently celebrated my 3rd year anniversary with my wife last week. My wife is a young 23 year old very beautiful woman, and I'm 10 years older.

She's pretty much my first real relationship (I've always been extremely shy), and every friend of mine warned me about the perils of marrying a woman nearly 10 years younger.

We met online through a gaming community and I built up the courage to ask her out. It was at this time I found out she had a boyfriend and she politely declined. The next day she went online to tell me she had a lot of fun hanging out with me, and that her relationship with her boyfriend was really going no where. She said "consider it over, and yes I want to go out with you."

After 4 months of dating we got married. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon, and had a blast. 

Unfortunately once that was over, reality sets in, and I wasn't prepared financially to set us down. I had to move in with my parents who they themselves were starting divorce proceedings so that wasn't a healthy environment. Needless to say 3 months later we moved out into an apartment we rented, giving ourselves a place of our own.

1st Red Flag: Prior to moving out, when we were at my parents, my wife woke up one night sobbing, confessing to me she felt bad about ditching her ex-boyfriend the way she did. She asked me if I would allow her to send him some money to repay a lot of the gifts he had given her. I realized and accepted the fact that there were going to be loose ends in her relationship with him since she abruptly ended things, but I convinced her that it was best for her and us to just forget about him. I told her to contact him (since I found out she was trying to sneak calls to him behind my back), and to finally settle the score with him. She had a 10 hour long back and forth text session with him, which ended in her erasing the message log claiming "I don't know what happened", and in regards to him "ugh, same old same old with him, I'm over him".

My wife claimed her dream goal was finishing college to get a degree so she could travel and find the perfect husband she could be a housewife to. At our apartment, my wife never cooked. Hardly ever did any house chores, and after a lot of pressure on my part she got a job. She worked for 3 months, but got pregnant and decided to immediately quit to focus on our baby. Unfortunately my wife suffered a miscarriage 6 weeks into her pregnancy and having a baby was out of the question after that. 

2nd Reg Flag: After a year and half of being in an apartment and 2 years of marriage, we had to move out of the country for 6 months for job related reasons. It was at this time that she confessed that she married me only to see what she could take from me in a divorce, and that she never envisioned spending the rest of her life with me. It was always her ex-boyfriend. She said she was still in love with him even though she never really contacted him again, but was willing to go trough hell to win him back. I tried convincing myself (and her) that this was just a cry for help due to our poor financial situation we were going through, and that she would regret her decision later. She told me the only reason she was with me was because going back to her parents was impossible because she couldn't stand being at her old house, and she didn't know if HE would take her back, so she was "Stuck" with me.

I moved us back to the States 5 months ago and things got better. She told me she was over her Ex-Boyfriend, and apologized for her behavior and said she felt horrible about the things she said to me. She enrolled in school and decided to finish college. 

Last Red Flag: Last week however she woke up sobbing again and said she couldn't take it anymore. She had to go back to her ex-boyfriend because he was "perfect" for her. After failing to convince her to see the fact that I was competing with the memory of "good times" with a guy she had dumped on 3 separate occasions for being too boring (he pretty much did everything she desired just like I've been doing), we agreed to sign a divorce. I asked her to stay until she finishes her semester so that her efforts aren't in vain and to be honest hoping she would change her mind, but today, after trying my best to make her happy she said she was leaving regardless.

Sorry for the long story but I figured it was important to let you know the circumstances.

I can't bring myself to let her go. I will have to, but it feels like my heart is being ripped away from me just thinking she's not going to be here anymore. I told her if she divorces me, she will never see me again. Unlike her Ex, I will not give her any conditions to return (He texted her during that day 3 years ago that the only way he would be friends with her is if she divorces me and gets back with him). 

She asked me for a trial separation to see if things could work out with him but I feel like that is a humiliating situation for me. I have my faults, I'm not a very emotional romantic person. I have a little bit of a robotic personality I guess, but I never thought this would be a deal breaker. 

I feel so bad, and I wanted to ask , Should I let her have her trial separation and see where things go, or just get a divorce?

I have a feeling she is going to regret going back with that guy for a 4th time, and is going to want to come back to me, but I just cannot bring myself to play that game with her because I feel that would lead nowhere.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

Brother,

Nobody deserves what you're putting yourself through. Nobody. Ditch her, get out. Don't give her a trial, serve her and live your life. As it is, you're merely kicking the ball down the road, she WILL leave you. She will. 

Why would you even want to be with a person who doesn't want to be with you?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Just go for the divorce. Let her go, physically and emotionally. If she comes back again, it will not be because she loves you. Don't disrespect yourself any more than your already have. She is immature (and the age difference doesn't necessarily have anything to do with that -- some people never grow up no matter their age), and has no business being married and having children. 

She may very well regret going back to him a 4th time, but that's her problem, *not yours*.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

I appreciate the replies. Trying to be rational here, I realize everyone goes through that "first" heartbreak. I'm unfortunate that mine comes with my wife. 

I admit I have my hopes up on her maturing and realizing she only wants what she doesn't have. (Sort of like that Grass is greener on the other side mentality), but you guys are right. There's no guarantee she will grow up as age alone is no currency for wisdom. 

I hate the fact that it's going to take her going back to this person (whom she spent roughly 2-3 hours a day for 4 years when they dated on an off & on basis), to realize she's going to miss me who she has been with 12 hours a day for the past 3 years. 

But if she decides to go I'm disappearing from her life forever. FB, emails, pictures, everything gone. 

thanks for your support and I guess it helps to have a medium to vent a little. 

I can't even open up to my family about this because I was hopeful things might work out and I didn't want her to have a bad rep with them.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Don't worry about her reputation with your family. 

You are right in cutting off all contact if she decides to go. Don't let her keep you as a Plan B. This has happened for too long already. 

Sorry that this has happened to you. It is heartbreaking no matter how long you've been married when you've loved someone.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Greg1515 said:


> It was at this time that she confessed that she married me only to see what she could take from me in a divorce, and that she never envisioned spending the rest of her life with me.


She used you to get him back. She used you for $$. It's pretty easy to get over someone who is like that. But hey, what do I know it took 2 girls to do the same thing to me before I finally realized that some people just use you.

I did the I'll do anything to get you back no matter what. I'll wait for you if I have to. She'll leave him because I'm better. Boy was I wrong, thankfully that happened when I was in HS.

If they don't want you, there are others out there that will want you.


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## t10eml (Nov 30, 2012)

Greg1515 said:


> I feel so bad, and I wanted to ask , Should I let her have her trial separation and see where things go, or just get a divorce?


No. Set her free. Enjoy the single life again. Who knows? Maybe you'll find someone who'll love you like you should be loved.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

I decided to post a follow up on my situation since I figured it's only fair to let people know how I'm handling my situation and maybe there are lessons to be learned here and further advice for from others.

On my last post I had about a week left with my wife before she would leave me forever. Even though I opened the doors to my home so she could finish her school, I made it clear to her that there was no intention for me to "convince her anymore" about her decision (as much as I wanted to), and I also told her I still cared about her deeply, but was no longer "in love" with her because I have had enough. 

Thinking maybe she would feel sorry about what was going on, instead the following morning she asks me if it's ok to contact her X freely. I told her I didn't care what she did, as long as she did not do it within the confines of my home. She agreed. She came home from school that day really happy (most likely because she contacted him) telling me she was finally able to "focus" because she felt no remorse for the first time in her life because she was doing things right for a change.

That night, she went to bed around 2am after watching music videos on youtube non-stop. I finally dozed off as well, and a few minutes later I woke up and noticed she was typing. I glanced and noticed some sort of chat. So I figured it was her X. She didn't notice me glance so I pretended to go back to sleep. 10 minutes later the bed started rocking. She was masturbating. I "woke" up. She got startled asking "I'm sorry did I wake you?" . I said "it's fine, I'm going to go get some water".

When I came back up she was in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror all sweaty with a huge grin on her face. I couldn't believe it. For the first time in my life I was disgusted at the sight of her.

As the days went, I started feeling depressed about her impending departure. I realized I didn't need people like her in my life, but I couldn't understand why it hurt so much to see her go. I figured having her around was THE WORST idea ever.

So I decided to make the best of it. With 3 days left, I opted to celebrate the time we had left starting with her birthday in advance (she was set to leave 1 day prior), so we went out to dinner, order her a cake with a candle and called it a day.

The day she was set to leave, her brother came to pick her up. And after an uneventful day in which we talked about how this was best for both of us, she packed all her things and was about to say goodbye to me. After hugging her for 1 min. for the last time I saw her eyes as soon as we parted . 0 Tears.

That got me really upset. How could she not shed a single tear for me. So I followed her out the door and told her "If you think this was the only way to FIX your life you are dead wrong. You never gave me an opportunity to make you happy. BEING with my is NOT giving it a shot. You did nothing for 3.5 years but wait to see what trick I would pull out of my A## to make you happy. There were 1,000's of ways to save our marriage but you decided to ignore all of them."

"Go, but Don't you there go thinking this was your only option".

And 1.5 hours later I get calls and calls from her begging on voice mail for forgiveness and pleading to come back.

In spite of everything I finally answered the phone and told her "come home".

She came home and I decided to start a new life with her. We left our home and moved back to her hometown to have her in an environment she was more comfortable in. We decided to spend christmas and new years with her family. Got presents for everyone and I bought new furniture for her room and clothes for her next school semester so she would have a fresh outlook on life and we could forget about the nightmare that had been the past 6 months.

After New Years she said she wasn't ok with me buying a lot of things for her because she couldn't help feeling "guilty".

I knew where this was heading, and after a week of being mutually depressed because she didnt' want to do anything, or would constantly remind me we didn't feel right for each other, she told me she had enough. She was unhappy because she realized she needed her X-BF in her life after all and that I was being given a warning "I will cheat on you if you don't divorce me, in fact if he comes here right now, I will do it right in front of you, I don't care".

After hearing all of this, I stopped trying to convince myself that she was obsessed with this guy. Maybe she loved him, maybe she didn't. All I knew is I didn't deserve to be humiliated this way. I grabbed all the things I had bought her recently and told her : "Ok, BE with him. You want to get used to being without me? Fine, But you will NOT get to keep making a fool out of me" I took our TV, Ipad, WiiU, some clothes I bought her for New Years (out of anger), and before I walked out the door I said:
"The sad thing is, you think you love the guy, But truth is you don't love anyone. You don't even know what that means. Loving is hearing THIS (I had the voicemails of her crying to comeback on my phone and played it), and be willing to FORGIVE AND FORGET the fact that you humiliated me by jacking off in bed while talking to another man WHILE I'm in bed with you sleeping, all because I couldn't bear to see you or hear you hurt. You want the ONLY person who truly loved you out of your life? You got it I'M OUT". (Think her mom heard everything).

So it's been 3 weeks since my marriage is over. I should say good riddance. I should say I'm better off. I should say I am never going back to that hell. But every day since I left , I cry at night. I cry when I wake up. 

Fact is I haven't stopped loving her. And unfortunately her brother in law (who was my friend before I even met her), feels so sorry for me, that he called me to check up on me. I couldn't resist asking him about her. He responded to my questions: "She hasn't talked about you. She hasn't shown remorse, it's as if you were never even a part of her life. Stop thinking about her and move on, she's not worth anything". Easier said than done for me.

It's been 3 weeks. I feel it has helped me get in touch with my goals. With my life. I KNOW I am a better person without her in my life, but truth be told , whenever I think of her, if she were to call me asking for forgiveness and begging for another chance, I tell myself I would say NO, but I also picture her doing that, and I would hug her and I don't know if I could ever let her go. 

This has been really hard on me because I believed in marriage being something you don't just "give a shot". I wanted to stay married and work through any problems, but she didn't. I hate that a life I embarked on was taken from me. So now I'm trying to repair the damage little by little. Day by day.

thanks for reading and hope this helps anyone who can learn from this.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I'm sorry for your pain, Greg. She is definitely messed up, but I think some counseling might be helpful for you, too. You allowed yourself to be treated horribly for a long, long time. And still, you miss her, love her, and cry for her. You need to find out why. She doesn't deserve any of that. Logically you know it, but you need some help finding out why you can't emotionally let her go. 

I'd really hate to see you end up in another dysfunctional relationship. You seem like a a very caring person.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

My Lord Greg I just read your post. She sounds like a nasty, nasty person. You seem like a good, gentle guy.

Yes, get some counselling and do the 180 for YOU. Get some medication if need be.

What sort of a woman does that. How can she say such things and do such things to you. I am lost for words at your story.

Keep posting, friend. Keep strong.

You are a good man.

Edit: This type of situation has disgusted me. What a 'woman'. They can be so very, very cruel. I am looking at my female co-worked across the desk and wondering when she will do this to someone. She is a young girl. I feel sick to my stomach.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

Thank you for you kind words. I probably do need to see one. I lost touch with friends from my past and my line of work doesn't lend itself to making many friends. So she was not only my wife and best friend, but my only friend for the most part. 

She was the only person I shared every detail of my life with, and even friends I've had in the past did not know all the details and dreams I shared with her. As is to be expected of one's "life partner".

It's not the end of the world. And I do feel much better today than I felt 3 weeks ago, but still I guess it takes time and new people to be able to fully heal from this experience.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

You sound good, my friend.

Not the end of the world, taking time, new people. Keep that direction going.

God bless you.


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## NewLife2013 (Dec 4, 2012)

Greg1515
Thank you for responding to my thread earlier and thank you for your kind and wise words. I have to do my best...
I am sorry for what you went through. Your STBXW treated you selfishly and everything was about her. After all, you still do not speak to her in a disrespectful way and show compassion. I admire you for that. You are a kind and good man and deserve all the happiness in this world. I hope you find that special woman out there. Hugs.


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## slinky (Feb 1, 2013)

I would have to say for your own sake divorce would be the best approach. She seems like she cannot make up her mind and that's no good for you either.

You need someone who wants to be with you and be a 'team player' as corny as that is. My wife is not a big fan of working either and it's rough and a huge red flag considering the state everyone is in now. You have to work together and want to be together.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Talk all you want on this forum, we'll listen to you friend.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

I appreciate the time and attention everyone has posted on my thread. I wanted to share that reading other people's troubles and offering advice has helped me a great deal overcome my own issues. It helps me put things in perspective.

I wanted to share with this group and update on my situation:

My STBXW called me 2 nights ago. I was asleep and I didn't see the call until yesterday morning. Seeing her number really shook the foundation of my recovery. I was scared. I didn't know what she wanted. I didn't know how to react to the different possibilities. I didn't know what to think. 

I was afraid that I would get my hopes up and that she might've just been looking for financial support. Or maybe she wanted to come back. I looked at the phone puzzled as to the nature of her call.

I finally was able to get a grip on myself and on my situation:
If she calls me wanting to come back, I have to say no. If she calls me because she wants ANYTHING else, and didn't miss me at all, then I'll just take care of the phone call and say goodbye.

Either way, she won't be back in my life. And if I'm seeking remorse on her part, it is because I want to feel better about myself. Because it is somehow important for me that she values the time and effort I invested in our relationship in order to not feel appreciated. HOWEVER I realized I don't need her remorse to feel better about myself. I know what I am worth, and I know she SHOULD value what I did for her. And if she doesn't then she is not even worth remembering.

So with that mindset I waited for her to call again, but this time fearless. 9pm, 10pm, 11pm. I fell asleep at midnight, and no call.
Then at 1:15am I hear the phone ring (woke me up).

It was her. She asked "Can we talk?"

I said, "Sure , what's up?"

She said, "I need to apologize for what I did to you. I am so sorry, I can't get over the guilt I feel over everything I did to you".

I said, "You deserve to feel that guilt. What you did was horrible. What did you expect?"

She said: "I'm sorry" (sobbing)

I said: "Look, just so you know, I'm ok. You did not kill me, and I owe it to MYSELF to forgive you. I don't intend to live the rest of my life bitter for what happened between us. So if that is any consolation be at ease that I don't hate you for what happened. "

We talked for 4 hours. We cleared the air about a lot of things that were left unsaid before and she ultimately asked me why did this happen to us, to her (falling out of love with me). And I said , "You kept repeating to yourself that HE was a better man for you. That you could not be happy with me, and could only be happy with him. You programmed your mind to believe this, and you little by little convinced yourself that the only way to be truly happy was to end our marriage as per his instructions. So you ruined a perfectly healthy relationship from the day we said I do by thinking this BS".

Even though she never asked to come back, I told her that I still loved her, and that I will probably always will in some way for the rest of my life but I could never trust her again. I told her that the lack of chemistry she perceived between us was one of the most shallow reasons to end our marriage. BUT I on the other hand had been given perfectly valid reasons to end it, and I intend to go through with our divorce, because I don't think I can survive another betrayal like that.

I feel happy that she was sorry for what she had done. It made me feel like my time didn't go to waste and that I ended up being a positive influence in her life after all.


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## FishKid (Feb 1, 2013)

Greg1515 said:


> She's pretty much my first real relationship (I've always been extremely shy)
> [...]
> I have my faults, I'm not a very emotional romantic person. I have a little bit of a robotic personality I guess, but I never thought this would be a deal breaker.


You sound a bit like me (I have Asperger Syndrome).

My first semblance of a real relationship came at age 30. It was dead obvious the woman was only using me for financial reasons and she was totally wrong for me. Nevertheless I couldn't bring myself to let her go. This even after she announced she had been cheating on me and would now be pursuing a relationship with the new guy.

I realize now I wasn't afraid of losing *her* in particular. But having spent all that effort in building an actual relationship (an effort that for people like me is much greater than for most), the thought of being back alone at square one was extremely unappealing.

Sorry, no advice here, just thought I can relate to your situation.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

Ok Updating My Situation.

Hoping that sharing my experience in this forum might help anyone in any way, I will update what's going on:

It's been almost a week since I talked to my STBXW. Basically the motives of her call were admittedly to tell me she couldn't bear the guilt of the way she acted and treated me. She told me she was feeling so awful and disgusted with herself. She was worried about how I was doing.

I understand that there is a 50/50 chance this call was a means for her to relieve her guilt, more than to see how I was doing. I tried to be hard on her at first telling her she deserved to feel guilty, but I got no pleasure from hearing her cry. So I told her that although I lived through the most difficult days of my life (to the point of wishing I wouldn't have to get out of bed ever again), that I forgave her and that I was doing great by myself. 

Looking back at my conversation with her I realized I made several mistakes.

1. She called me at 1am, and the call lasted till 5am. Although I enjoyed talking to her, it was clear to me that she NEEDED this call more than I did. And I shouldn't have allowed myself to be kept awake when I had to work the next day. Again I'm catering to her needs. I had warned her that this was the last call I would ever answer her.

2. She begged me not to hang up, which is why the call lasted until 5am, so I ultimately told her that I would ALLOW her to call me after she went to see her Therapist a week later to see how things went. There is no plan to reconcile, we agreed to keep things civilized until marriage is over with, and after that ZERO contact forever. However, she calls me the next day to talk about random things. Meaning she is not respecting my request for time.

3. Upon asking how I managed to take things so well (better than her), I told her "well, A) I wasn't the one purposely sabotaging the marriage, & B) I listened to some very helpful self help media. I sent her some links of the files I listened to that helped straighten me out. And again after she pleaded with me not to hang up, I told her she could call me again once she watched all the Links, which should have taken her about 3 days. She calls me the next day to tell me she started listening to them and that it was no wonder they changed me. And that she thinks she can change for the better thanks to my help. Again excuses to call and she's doing it on her terms. 

4. She calls me again the next day, and I snapped. I asked her "What do you want? Why do you think it's ok to keep calling me when you have made it clear to me you want to be single?."
She cried and asked me if there was any way I would consider not ending the marriage. I told her I needed time to think and that if she called me within a week I would ignore her calls.

Here's my problem. 

I'm trying not to focus on her. That's why I haven't bothered updating my situation. I'm trying to focus on ME. My life. My job. And get myself back on track to be mentally healthy and recovered from all the turmoil I went through.

My brother is trying to introduce me to women he thinks would help me get over my STBXW, but I really don't feel like meeting women who expect me to be anything more than friends at this point. I wouldn't want to do to anyone what my STBXW did to me (think of someone else while you are in a relationship).

Truth be told I miss her a lot. I still love her. And I wish none of this had happened. But it did. And I'm afraid she crossed a line that if I ignore, she is going to be even more disrespectful towards me. I wish there was a way for things to be the way they were but I don't see how.

I feel like I have no choice but to move on and forgive and forget her. I don't understand why it saddens me to say it even though she was horrible to me.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

Ok Last Update.

I want to thank everyone for their replies, their advice, and their time in reading my story. 

My Wife called me after the week I asked to be left alone. I was so moved by the fact that she called me the very first day I told her it was "ok" to do so that I said Hi, and upon getting through small chit chat, I asked her out for lunch on Valentine's.

I realized this went against everything I prepared myself to do, but I felt like doing what my heart told me to. She said "No".

Wife: "I wanted to tell you that the psychologist I'm seeing actually told me that I let my emotions betray me, and that the "love" I confessed I still felt for you was just confusion on my part. And I don't think it would be a good idea for us to see each other on Valentine's since it's such a special day, and I don't want to get confused again, but I could see you the day after".

So long story short (I figured she had "plans" with her XBF she left me for), so I just told her to forget about it, and that I was disappointed to hear about her change of heart. I told her I didn't plan on reconciling over Valentine's, I just wanted to spend time with someone who I thought wanted to be with me.

She calls the next day (1 day prior to Valentine's) to tell me she would like to spend Valentine's with me after all. I told her I thought it was a bad idea, given her state of mind, and that I would prefer if she not contact me at all in 2 months so that she could think things over. (I figured she didn't have plans with her XBF after all since she wanted to spend the day with me). We agreed I would call her in 2 months to flat out ask her, "Do you want to save our marriage?". If she said yes, we would work on fixing our relationship. The plan was:

She would stay at home with her parents to finish her studies, I would help her get a car, and we would travel in the meantime to different places all over the world, and once I was financially ready to get us a house next year, we would move in together again. Taking things 1 step at a time.

If she said no, then we would get the divorce right away.

My only condition was that she wouldn't use this time to see her X-BF while keeping me on the side to see how things work out. She said it wasn't about him, it was about her and her state of mind. 

A week later I forgot to send her some of her credit card bills and I knew they were gonna be overdue if I didn't take care of them soon, so I paid her minimum payment (like 10 dollars only), so that she wouldn't incur on a late fee. She called me (a week into the 2 month grace period), to tell me not to pay her bills. I said it was the last time. I asked her how she was feeling, and she said good. I asked her out for dinner that night, it was a Saturday, and she was surprised I did so, but agreed to go.

I drove out to her town, and we meet at a restaurant where we had dinner and we subsequently sat on the car for 3 hours to talk things over. It was like nothing had happened. I left at "home" with her near me again. We both admitted we missed each other, we hugged, and she caressed my face saying she was really sorry for putting me through all this. I asked her if she was ready to make a decision. And she said she wanted to say YES but she was afraid she might regret her decision and hurt me again months later. She said she needed time to be sure.

I agreed to give her more time. A week later she calls me saying she read some books I recommended to her. Specifically the "I love you , but I'm not in love with you" book that was talked about in these forums. And she said she realized why a lot of things went wrong in our marriage, but ultimately she felt it was too late now.

I cried and asked why? She said, she cares for me a lot but is not in love with me, and that the future I propose is something that really interests her but it's something she wants to with someone else, not with me, or her X-BF for that matter.

I asked her "So it's not him that's getting in the way of your decision?.". She said "No, in fact I stopped missing him and feeling the way I did for him after we split. It was just the whole idea of him being restricted that attracted me to him".

So that night I emailed her and told her that although I loved her still, that I would apply for the divorce the next day. It was clear to me what she wanted. Freedom. She wanted to be married to the right guy on her terms, and because I truly loved her I would grant her this.

She calls me the next day, crying and angry because I jumped the gun and had started filing for divorce and told me "I'm not signing anything. Not until I am ready for a divorce. I want to work things out with you if we can, and it's so crazy of you to offer me 1 thing one day and then take it away and file for divorce the next. Don't rush me into a decision. Please give me time to think things over".

I was happy to hear she wanted to give us a shot again, but I was left really confused. That night she called to ask how I was doing, I told her ok, and just before we hung up, I asked her "Have you been to the movies?" She said : "Yeah, I have actually. I saw a couple of action flicks". 

I laughed and asked, what in the world are you Miss Romantic doing watching action flicks? She said "Oh those are the movies my X-BF wanted to watch".

I continued the convo politely and after hanging up the phone I emailed her saying basically I was ending our relationship because I was naive in thinking she had respect me as a husband and not gone to see this guy. I told her I changed my cell # so that she wouldn't call me again, and said I wouldn't check any of her emails anymore. I was proceeding with the divorce because I saw no point in saving my marriage anymore and as of this moment I considered her my wife no more.

I said this was really the last time she would know anything about me. This was the end.


I thank you for any tips or advice in how to move forward with my life. I am no longer sad for losing the love of my life. I am angry for letting myself be emotionally abused like this, but happy that the true love of my life is out there somewhere.

I am having trouble coping with this feeling of anger, and to be honest I want to write to complain about more things to her, but I'm not going to. Fact of the matter is I have wasted too much time in this person already, but this whole situation has overwhelmed me and I cannot focus on my job, on my life, on me. I think about what she did to me 24/7 and I would appreciate any advice on how to get over something like this. 

I made a list of 20 things I would look forward to. But as I'm going through those things on my head, all my plans and ideas come back to her, and I end up complaining or lamenting my marriage, and I have to start with the next item on the list.

I'm writing this to get this off my chest so that I can buy myself some time to work in piece. Thanks for reading and hope this can be a lesson for some.


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