# Got what I wanted, now I don't want it



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

This is not an earth-shattering problem but I thought that I might pose my issue to the good citizens of TAM to see if there is a way to alter my circumstance and to get an outside perspective.

This definitely falls into the "be careful what you ask for" category. I have never really had strong opinions one way or the other regarding women's hair length. When we were first married, my wife had fairly long hair that went down past her shoulders. However, she quickly had it cut to where it was what you may classify as a mid-length cut (below the jaw line but off the shoulders). She kept that length for most of the past 15 years or so. Over time, I began suggesting that she cut her hair short. I'm not sure exactly why. There are some very attractive women that have short hair (Example 1, Example 2) and I think that I was trying to see something different and "exotic" to add a little spice to the relationship.
My wife was very reluctant at first and it took her 6 months or so before she made up her mind to get a short cut. Finally, she had it done. When she came home she was very apprehensive and afraid of what I would say. When I saw it, it looked nice. I would say "cute", but it definitely did not have the impact that I thought it would. 
Now don't get me wrong. I think that she does look very good in a short cut. Its just that I now believe that I would have preferred the long (past shoulder) hair instead. Since she had it done, she has now grown to really like it. It is much easier for her to maintain, style and manage. She likes the look and she now has it cut that short each time she goes to her hair appointments. 
In a nutshell, I wish she would go back to long hair. But I know that I dug the hole myself by gently nudging her to get it cut short. Now that she has done it and likes it so much, is there any way that I can diplomatically encourage the long hair? I believe that I am "stuck" and I'm not going to be able to say anything without having the "But you said you wanted it..." phrase put back to me or coming off as being cruel and selfish. Anyone else ever in a similar situation?


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

Just talk to her about it and the way you feel. Unfortunately, I am not sure how you'ld approach it without hurting her feelings since she likes it sooooo much.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> Anyone else ever in a similar situation?


You mean afraid to be honest and admitting you were wrong? 

Not really. You're making way too big a deal out of this. Just tell her. 

Practice in the mirror:

I was wrong.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.


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## Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo (Mar 22, 2013)

Sure, the grass is always greener. I'm in the same situation now with my wife, but going in the other direction. She's always done the short hair, edgier kind of look. Lately she's grown it much longer and has some kind of traditional girl next door bang thing going on. I don't like it as much, but she's gone through this phase of looking more traditional lately. 

I think she'll end it soon enough, so to me the answer is to just wait. It is kind of a breath of fresh air since her usual thing is to have the sort of look you linked to in those pics, and then when she wants a change she goes and dyes it purple or something. To pull that short look off a woman usually has to have a certain kind of exotic look to begin with, and also there's the reality that many people assume said woman is easy, I don't know why, but that's another issue. So I guess I can't complain. 

Anyway, in your situation I don't think there's anything wrong with telling your wife you're not as wild about the short look as you thought, or else just wait and hope she grows it out on her own after a few more haircuts and the novelty wears off. Just don't be harsh about it but you know that. Women seem to default back to their usual look over time anyway.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Not every woman looks good with hair that short. As you have now discovered. It's easier to maintain for her but if you don't like it then diplomatically find a way to tell her you would love to see longer hair again. Doesn't have to be as long as it once was --- just longer. Maybe shoulder length. But don't be surprised if she isn't willing to go along.

Yes, be careful what you wish for.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Yeah, I know that I really just need to grow a pair and tell her the truth. The problem is that when she came home with the cut, I felt that I had to make a big deal out of it and tell her how much I liked it because it would have really crushed her otherwise. I know that I'm probably making too big of a deal over this. Actually, it really wouldn't be horrible if she kept the short cut. I'm just not sure if my "preference" is strong enough to risk hurting her feelings.
I would really be interested if there are any women out there that can speak to this from the other side of the coin. Anyone?


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Openminded said:


> Not every woman looks good with hair that short. As you have now discovered.


Unfortunately, I think that's part of the problem. Because she _*does*_ look good with it short. I think I would just like it *better* if it were long. 

Wait a minute...I thought it was women that couldn't make up their minds.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Tell her you want her to grow it back. Say you miss seeing her with long hair


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I would playfully tease her about it. Say something like, "Honey, you know that Brain guy who told Pinky to get a short haircut? He may not have known what he was talking about." Or say you had a conversation with a friend or co-worker who had the same problem, and ask for her advice on what to tell him. But whatever she decides, it is her hair, and you must assure her that you will accept her choice.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

If I remember, I think your SO is kinda tom boyish in nature, and not into lingerie, or that sort of thing in the first place?

I'd suggest you say nothing, since it was a big decision for her in the first place.

Short can be very sexy. Unless you have a hang up over she looks in the first place, and then changing her hair length didn't make up for what was really "missing" in the first place.

Look deeper, find a way to make her sexy. It's in there, somewhere.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

just wait a few months. It'll grow back.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

deejov said:


> If I remember, I think your SO is kinda tom boyish in nature, and not into lingerie, or that sort of thing in the first place?
> 
> I'd suggest you say nothing, since it was a big decision for her in the first place.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't classify her as tom boyish, but you're right that she is not much into lingerie or trying to be overtly "sexy". Again, you're right in that the cut was a big decision for her. And now that she has done it and she is happy with it, I just don't see how I'm able to say anything about it.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

aug said:


> just wait a few months. It'll grow back.


Nope, she has a standing hair appointment every 6 weeks and she maintains the cut that short.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I think I would ask her... "Hey babe, do you ever think you would go back to a longer hairstyle?" and see what she says.

If she asks why, then you could tell her that you like the short hair very much, but now it's been short for a while, you've realized that you actually miss the longer hair.

Then take your lumps. lol


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

I think that as you persuaded her to have her hair cut short in the first place - against her desire - you should keep your mouth shut now. What is it with people wanting to turn their spouses into their favorite motive stars? Of course if your wife isn't either of those two actresses, she's not going to look like them. <eye roll>


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> In a nutshell, I wish she would go back to long hair. But I know that I dug the hole myself by gently nudging her to get it cut short. Now that she has done it and likes it so much, is there any way that I can diplomatically encourage the long hair? I believe that I am "stuck" and I'm not going to be able to say anything without having the "But you said you wanted it..." phrase put back to me or coming off as being cruel and selfish. Anyone else ever in a similar situation?


You can just occasionally mention how you miss it brushing your cheek the way it used to or... whatever you miss about the longer hair. If you encourage variety, she'll feel freer to experiment.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

You have to remember..One hair style on one person that looks fantastic can look like crap on another person.

Anyway just say I like it O.K short but after seeing you both ways I like it longer better. But its up to you its your hair.But I REALLY like it longer..

I just tell my husband to please stop even bothering to pay someone a whole $8's to cut his hair.I can put a bowl around his head and cut it myself for free..

Sigh..its hard being a girl.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> now that she has done it and she is happy with it, I just don't see how I'm able to say anything about it.


Return your man card at the nearest kiosk and pick up your apron and bonnet. 

*dallsapple* - mine does cut my hair. The cheapest we can get it here is $15. It's $12, but I always tip any occupation where that is even remotely acceptable. I have a "thing" about tipping.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> dallsapple - mine does cut my hair. The cheapest we can get it here is $15. It's $12, but I always tip any occupation where that is even remotely acceptable. I have a "thing" about that.


Thats the way to do it!

I had "waist length" hair for many years ..the kind I had to hold my head forward so as not to sit on it and get a form of whiplash from trying to hold my head forward after my ass was sitting on it.And my husband would not even "trim my ends".I had to pay $20 to get my bangs cut and just the tips in the back.

Oh and Im a big tipper too.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

janefw said:


> I think that as you persuaded her to have her hair cut short in the first place - against her desire - you should keep your mouth shut now. *What is it with people wanting to turn their spouses into their favorite motive stars? *Of course if your wife isn't either of those two actresses, she's not going to look like them. <eye roll>


This is not me. I'm not trying to make my wife "look" like anybody. The prior two examples were just that....examples.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Anyway just say I like it O.K short but after seeing you both ways I like it longer better. But its up to you its your hair.But I REALLY like it longer..


If I end up saying anything, it will likely be like this.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> If I end up saying anything, it will likely be like this.


Well its kind of the truth isn't it?


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

If she's happy with her hair and she likes it and it's easier to maintain, then let her be happy with it. I wouldn't say anything yet. Someday, she may ask you what you think of it or ask whether she should change the style. That's when you should tell her you like it longer. If it took her 6 months to get up the nerve to cut it at your bidding, I think you owe it to her to give her at least 6 months of keeping your hairstyle opinions to yourself.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you were my husband, I would want you to just tell me. Tell me that the short hair is attractive but the long hair was VERY attractive and sexy. And you miss the long hair.

People need to be able to talk to each other.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Thats the way to do it!
> 
> I had "waist length" hair for many years ..the kind I had to hold my head forward so as not to sit on it and get a form of whiplash from trying to hold my head forward after my ass was sitting on it.And my husband would not even "trim my ends".I had to pay $20 to get my bangs cut and just the tips in the back.
> 
> Oh and Im a big tipper too.


Good on you. My wife's picture is in the long hair and sex rank thread. It is down to her butt, and boy does that get the double-takes. You can sure see who likes long hair on girls.


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