# Husband has lost his mind...



## jdb3 (Mar 21, 2011)

Ok so many of you know my story by now. My H has been having an EA/PA for almost 4 months now. We have tried to work things out a few times but he pretty much refuses to kick OW to the curb. And we all know you can't fix a marriage with the OW in the picture. H moved into his own place last week. In the 6 wks that he has been in and out of this house (mostly out, sleeping on other peoples couches and running around behind my back) he has hardly contributed a dime to the bills or the health and well-being of our 3 children. I have been threatening to do it, but today I finally visited an attorney and got the ball rolling for a legal separation.

Where I live legal separation is pretty much the same as divorce. He will have to pay me child support and pay half of the bills. Also he pretty much robbed me of my half of the income tax refund...so he will be ordered to pay that back as well. I notified him afterward that I received the paperwork and as soon as it's completed my attorney will be serving him. Well H has not given me his new address and really I have no idea where he lives. He told me the street...but that's all he will allow me to know at this point. I'm pretty sure it's because the OW spends alot of time there and he's afraid I will catch them together (at this point I really could care less about seeing them together). So I told him I needed his address so he could be served the papers. Well this evening he lost his mind. He texted me some of the meanest texts I have ever received from anybody. He is LIVID that he's going to have to fork over the money to support the kids and myself. 

He told me I'm going to take every cent he makes and he won't have anything left. Honestly, it's true lol. He doesn't make much money and he will be paying a lot of money to support our 3 kids. I don't feel bad for him....HE made his bed. But at the same time, I'm wondering where all this anger is coming from. I'm wondering if it's really about the money or if deep down it's partially the guilt of realizing the hole he has dug himself into. OW had no money (no house, no car... nothing really). And the house H is renting is a dump and he's paying way to much for it. He also can't afford to really furnish it or have cable. So I think he's pretty bored there.

I want to just yell "this is what you get! You walked out on me and your kids!". But I'm trying to remain calm and be the bigger person lol


----------



## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

*kudos* I actualy toned down how much I was getting from my Seperation. According to her lawyer she would be left with about 900 a month after taxes.... Her lawyer not mine....... All in all I will be getting over half her paycheck in just a legal seperation and a guarentee if she retirees on her retirement paycheck for my 18% of the check plus depending on where the kids are at money for raising them. My fil has my back on things later in life such as her helping pay for children's college.

If she goes through and files not sure how hard I am going to push the matter, needless to say she is not going to be a happy camper. She is already realizing howmuch this seperation is not going to make her happier or give her less stress and only add to her stress levels and make her more unhappy. Its going to be very very interesting.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Have a process server find him at work and serve him there. You know where he works right? You know this OW? Where did she come from? Where do his relatives live? Give the server as much info as you can about addresses of friends and relatives. A process server will find him. He is probably having dinner at his mommies house every night. 

Keep the text and all communication. The fact that he abandoned his family and did not give a forwarding address or monetary support has significance in the separation and divorce.

Although divorce is no fault, the judge has discretion with monetary distribution and that is often based on the impression that each spouse makes on the judges. A man who has 3 children that abandons them and objects to supporting them will not look good. Don't say anything, just document. 

Do what you can to get proof that she goes to the house.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Niceguy13 said:


> *kudos* I actualy toned down how much I was getting from my Seperation. According to her lawyer she would be left with about 900 a month after taxes.... Her lawyer not mine....... All in all I will be getting over half her paycheck in just a legal seperation and a guarentee if she retirees on her retirement paycheck for my 18% of the check plus depending on where the kids are at money for raising them. My fil has my back on things later in life such as her helping pay for children's college.
> 
> If she goes through and files not sure how hard I am going to push the matter, needless to say she is not going to be a happy camper. She is already realizing howmuch this seperation is not going to make her happier or give her less stress and only add to her stress levels and make her more unhappy. Its going to be very very interesting.


Don't back off on the monetary settlement. You have kids and you never know what they will need, don't short change them. The retirement money, you made her life easier while she worked so of course you deserve to reap the benefits of that.


----------



## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Haha me getting 2.5k and her getting 900 is not ok. We went by our States guidelines for the children, until the military gives her the extra money for back home we agreed upon a more fair amount for me directly, and once the military gives her the money for her family being back home that is all mine. It still works out to roughly the same amount (slightly lower on my end) But its no loner 66 percent of her gross pay and benifits some of which myself or the kids have no right to. She will also have to keepthe meical/dental and life insurance policies on myself and the kids.

All things being said assuming my plans don't completley pan out I can work a grunt job and be making 4-5k or so a month easily. If my life plan works out and she does carry though on divorce I am probaly going to be in the 7-8k a month range. Trust me not going to short change my kids, and if I start to my FIL has already said he will step in and handle things with her if he feels I am being short changed in regards to the kids. I will still be getting more then half of her net pay and just knowing now how much we spend who spends what and what it gets spent on I am going to do more then fine and she is going to struggle a lot.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

jdb3 said:


> But at the same time, I'm wondering where all this anger is coming from. I'm wondering if it's really about the money or if deep down it's partially the guilt of realizing the hole he has dug himself into.


The anger is about the money and the fact you are disrupting the "cake eating". My estranged husband, although he makes plenty of money, didn't want to support his family. He basically walked away from his responsibilities and started a new life. That's what your husband has done. He's mad because real life with real responsibilities is knocking at his door.


----------



## jdb3 (Mar 21, 2011)

I got in touch with the other womans ex-fiance the other night. I found out so much from him! Still don't know where H is living. BUT I found out that not only is my husband not helping out financially with his own children or seeing them hardly ever. He is spending almost EVERY SINGLE DAY with OW and her children. Her kids are spending time at his house and he is driving them all around in his car (with her son sitting in my son's carseat!). It makes me sick to my stomach.


----------



## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

JDB3, your H is just pissed that he's gonna have to fork over some $. That's it. Don't tell him what you're about to do anymore, just do it. If he has any utilities in his name, he'll be easier to find. Just go to Spokeo People Search | White Pages | Find People, Free People Search | People Search | Search For People At PeekYou, or Pipl - People Search and check it out.


----------



## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

If you can not find him to serve him nor can a courier you can serve via a major local publication for example if you lived in LA the LA Times


----------



## jdb3 (Mar 21, 2011)

He finally told me his address today. So hopefully he will be served soon


----------



## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

Darn...I keep looking for the "like" button in here! LOL


----------

