# Marriage: what's important



## christmaslady (Dec 21, 2009)

my bf and I have had a long relationship and it has been extremely trying at times. I have made many compromises, but yet to really regret any of them. We are looking at getting married soon and he would prefer to not have a "church" wedding; as we are not currently affiliated with a specific church etc. or even denomination. While I have thought of other places to have a wedding, my mind has always come back to the church wedding. While I know that it is not that important where etc. the formal union takes place, has anyone compromised on this...if so, did you have regrets? I just know this will be my one special day and I WILL NOT get married again if this does not work...I don't want to (think to) resent him for something so trivial. Any thoughts?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I just went to a justice of the peace and I regret that, how about just a back yard wedding or a beach wedding. A little chapel somewhere at night 7pm or so, keep it casual.....
good luck nice to hear some people are actually getting married on this site.......


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Do not compromise if it is THAT important to you, and only you can decide if it is. Talk through all the reasons you each have for wanting and not wanting a church wedding. I'd have been fine with a secular service, but my ex had several ministers in his family and he wanted a church service. We had it at our university chapel, an "all purpose" sanctuary. Beautiful, too. You could mention that churches are beautiful at Xmas time and getting married in one then would save $$$.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

You could find a not-very-picky denomination like Unitarian Universalists, and they'd probably be happy to let you have the service in their building regardless of your particular beliefs. You
could write your own vows if you wanted, too.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

You could find a not-very-picky denomination like Unitarian Universalists, and they'd probably be happy to let you have the service in their building regardless of your particular beliefs. You
could write your own vows if you wanted, too.


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## dawnie (Nov 17, 2009)

The wedding doesn't make the marriage. It is one day, albeit a beautiful day, but it is just one day. What makes it is the relationship and foundation. 

I had a church wedding. To this day, I would have preferred a JP. It was expensive, time consuming and stressful to plan and prepare for. 

Only you can decide what you can and cannot negotiate and what you're willing to accept or not accept. If this particular subject becomes an impasse, then neither of you are marriage-ready.


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