# People just don't get how I can be happy and breathe easier now that he's gone.



## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

If one more person tells me the pain will pass and to take it one day at a time I'm going to scream. So, word is getting around that STBXH has left. People think I'm devastated and in shock. Completely the opposite. Yesterday, I felt a little off, but I am so glad to get to this point. They just don't understand the Hell I've been living through. They think it's so sudden and he up and left me. No, not at all. I feel like I need to post the last two decades of my life on FB so the messages will stop. No, I'm not going to.

I can finally breathe again. I can relax a bit. I'm not all stressed out.


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

Glad to hear that you feel better. Hope you have a great holiday season.


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## txcouple903 (Sep 29, 2012)

I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry you had to go so long unhappy. I went 12 years unhappy with my ex wife.

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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Have you explained to your concerned friends and family that the divorce is happier than the marriage and you're feeling much better now?


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Have you explained to your concerned friends and family that the divorce is happier than the marriage and you're feeling much better now?


Every time I get another message, yes I do. There were only a few friends and my parents that really knew how bad it was. But, my parents have only known for about a year.

He put on such a show, that he had everyone fooled. The show has ended!


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

txcouple903 said:


> I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry you had to go so long unhappy. I went 12 years unhappy with my ex wife.
> 
> Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk


I'm sorry you had to deal with that for so long, too. I just can't believe I put up with it for as long as I did. What a fool I was.


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## txcouple903 (Sep 29, 2012)

I was a fool as well. I still can't believe I stayed as long as I did.

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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

txcouple903 said:


> I was a fool as well. I still can't believe I stayed as long as I did.
> 
> Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk


What made you snap out of it and finally end it?


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## txcouple903 (Sep 29, 2012)

When she asked me could she sleep with her boss at the time. I told her no that isn't what being married was about. I had already tried having an open relationship with her and it didn't work. She wanted to have a closed relationship after that and I was fine. She promised not only me but our kids she would never be like that again. That she would get help for her depression and anxiety. She promised to go through counseling and be a better mother. That lasted 3 years but I saw the signs in 2014. My children noticed it before I did and they were worried things were going to get bad. They were right. She started hanging out with her male friends and started flirting with her boss. 

I found a text on her phone telling him that she wanted a divorce. I confronted her about it and she said that isn't what she really wanted. I asked her to stop talking to him and she wouldn't. The final straw was when I picked her up for lunch on one of the days she couldn't go her friends. We both worked across the street from each other at big box stores. Well I noticed she was acting depressed and I asked her what was wrong. She said I had nothing left for me and she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. I told her she had to move out that night and that I was going to keep going through this with her.

I found out later that she was trying to provoke me into being the bad guy. She had portrayed me as being a bad husband to her new friends. Unfortunately her old friends were my friends and nobody believed I was that bad. I used to work at the same store.

She wanted to have a valid reason to cheat again and because I bent over backwards to please her she didn't have any real reason to cheat. She couldn't justify it to her coworkers why things were bad. So she was wanted to create the confrontation that I was a bad husband. 9 days later she had a new male friend but it wasn't her boss and 3 months later she was pregnant with her supposed friend. If I had not left she would have been pregnant still living with me.

Things didn't get better for her after which I continue to pray they do. 

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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

txcouple903 said:


> When she asked me could she sleep with her boss at the time. I told her no that isn't what being married was about. I had already tried having an open relationship with her and it didn't work. She wanted to have a closed relationship after that and I was fine. She promised not only me but our kids she would never be like that again. That she would get help for her depression and anxiety. She promised to go through counseling and be a better mother. That lasted 3 years but I saw the signs in 2014. My children noticed it before I did and they were worried things were going to get bad. They were right. She started hanging out with her male friends and started flirting with her boss.
> 
> I found a text on her phone telling him that she wanted a divorce. I confronted her about it and she said that isn't what she really wanted. I asked her to stop talking to him and she wouldn't. The final straw was when I picked her up for lunch on one of the days she couldn't go her friends. We both worked across the street from each other at big box stores. Well I noticed she was acting depressed and I asked her what was wrong. She said I had nothing left for me and she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. I told her she had to move out that night and that I was going to keep going through this with her.
> 
> ...


Wow! Yikes! You are definitely better off without her.


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## txcouple903 (Sep 29, 2012)

I'm glad too but I know a lot of people have been through worse. If a person really loves you they will treat you they way you should be treated. No one deserves to be unhappy and I mean really truly unhappy and not just trying to manipulate the other person to feel a way because you want them to feel bad.

She was really good at making me think it was all me. It's been over a year and I have never been happier. Only downside is my children still have to be around her until I get it changed in court and my lawyer is working on that.

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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

txcouple903 said:


> I'm glad too but I know a lot of people have been through worse. If a person really loves you they will treat you they way you should be treated. No one deserves to be unhappy and I mean really truly unhappy and not just trying to manipulate the other person to feel a way because you want them to feel bad.
> 
> She was really good at making me think it was all me. It's been over a year and I have never been happier. Only downside is my children still have to be around her until I get it changed in court and my lawyer is working on that.
> 
> Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk


We all have our own story. That doesn't take away from yours. My story is different, yet still dealt with a cheater. I hope things turn out the way you want and what is best for your kids. Good luck!


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Oh, I so do get it! My divorce was finalized recently and friends are slowly hearing about it and the first thing out of their mouths is, "I am sorry" or "It will get better," when I have not complained. So I explain I was the one that wanted the divorce and I am happy and they look at me like I am in denial. I spent many years in a marriage that was not working. My needs were not being met. My husband is an alcoholic and very self absorbed. For years I spent my time and energy raising 5 children and doing the things to keep out family together while all the while feeling miserable about the relationship between husband and myself. He was constantly caught up in seeking other women and as much as counselors tried to help nothing changed and I was faced with remaining is the same unhappy situation or moving on and I chose to move on. When I left I felt such freedom. No longer would I have to hear the clicks of the mouse as husband closed windows on the computer because he was trying to hide his searches on the internet. I put up with that every day and every time I heard those clicks I knew exactly what he was doing. I felt so disgusted.

Do I think about him? Yes, and my thoughts are that he is drunk and seeking porn and making advances towards women. It was just the way he was and he will not change. 

I no longer go into why I left as I have found no one is surprised and no one really cares to hear what I have been thru. So if they seem shocked that we divorced after 24 years I just tell them that it was years of issues we could not resolve. Easy answer and they usually leave it at that.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

prunus said:


> If one more person tells me the pain will pass and to take it one day at a time I'm going to scream. So, word is getting around that STBXH has left. People think I'm devastated and in shock. Completely the opposite. Yesterday, I felt a little off, but I am so glad to get to this point. They just don't understand the Hell I've been living through. They think it's so sudden and he up and left me. No, not at all. I feel like I need to post the last two decades of my life on FB so the messages will stop. No, I'm not going to.
> 
> I can finally breathe again. I can relax a bit. I'm not all stressed out.


Try not to be too upset with them. They don't know the story unless you choose to tell them. You've been living it. They will have seen things in a certain way, none the wiser to reality. 

Just be gracious for the general empathy. Think about the alternative. You'll get to a point later on where you'll be thankful for the caring, even if in this moment, it's not particularly welcome or useful.


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