# OLD dates, sealed with a sober kiss?



## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

I've been doing the OLD thing and I've been going on dates, which has been fun. I have no problem talking, making my dates laugh, and even flirting a bit but lately I've been having a hard time going in for a kiss at the end of the night; especially if she's barely drinking. I like dates where each of us have a good buzz going on, not being stupid drunk, but it does help with the flirting aspect even more.

I noticed when I get introduced to someone by a friend, we usually kiss at the end of the night. I guess because we both know the friend that introduced us and it makes for a more relaxing date. However, with OLD I'm chatting with these women pretty much about everything but I guess it just still makes it harder to go in for a kiss at the end of the night, maybe because it's the first time we're meeting face to face, sober, or maybe I'm not taking the initiative.

Lately, I feel I'm not being confident enough in the flirting/affection/touching aspect on OLD dates and I feel like I'm coming off more as a friend and maybe joking around too much. I feel like I lost my mojo after the divorce, haha! Ladies, do you like when a guy is more touchy (touching hand/wrist, hand on lower back, leaning in/getting close, etc)/flirtatious on an OLD date? Have you kissed guys on an OLD date? I'm guessing if she's going out with me there has to be some type of attraction, any advice/tips on coming off more attractive/confident?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

On the rare occasion that I ever had a blind date when I was younger I always suggested to my date that we should just get the kiss over with early on and save any awkwardness later. 
I was never refused thankfully.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

dennisg1 said:


> I've been doing the OLD thing and I've been going on dates, which has been fun. I have no problem talking, making my dates laugh, and even flirting a bit but lately I've been having a hard time going in for a kiss at the end of the night; especially if she's barely drinking. I like dates where each of us have a good buzz going on, not being stupid drunk, but it does help with the flirting aspect even more.
> 
> I noticed when I get introduced to someone by a friend, we usually kiss at the end of the night. I guess because we both know the friend that introduced us and it makes for a more relaxing date. However, with OLD I'm chatting with these women pretty much about everything but I guess it just still makes it harder to go in for a kiss at the end of the night, maybe because it's the first time we're meeting face to face, sober, or maybe I'm not taking the initiative.
> 
> Lately, I feel I'm not being confident enough in the flirting/affection/touching aspect on OLD dates and I feel like I'm coming off more as a friend and maybe joking around too much. I feel like I lost my mojo after the divorce, haha! Ladies, do you like when a guy is more touchy (touching hand/wrist, hand on lower back, leaning in/getting close, etc)/flirtatious on an OLD date? Have you kissed guys on an OLD date? I'm guessing if she's going out with me there has to be some type of attraction, any advice/tips on coming off more attractive/confident?


It all depends on if I'm feeling chemistry with him or not. If I am, then yes I want him to lean in, touch me a little, go for a kiss at the end, or even in the middle of dinner.

During the date, my body language will either be straight up and down like a job interview (means no chemistry), or I will also begin leaning in, or create a reason to be like "oh you!" and tap his shoulder or something.

I think that's how you would know on a date. Is she on a job interview or is she loosening up.

I don't know what nice girls act like though so....take it for what it is worth.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

dennisg1 said:


> I've been doing the OLD thing and I've been going on dates, which has been fun. I have no problem talking, making my dates laugh, and even flirting a bit but lately I've been having a hard time going in for a kiss at the end of the night; especially if she's barely drinking. I like dates where each of us have a good buzz going on, not being stupid drunk, but it does help with the flirting aspect even more.
> 
> I noticed when I get introduced to someone by a friend, we usually kiss at the end of the night. I guess because we both know the friend that introduced us and it makes for a more relaxing date. However, with OLD I'm chatting with these women pretty much about everything but I guess it just still makes it harder to go in for a kiss at the end of the night, maybe because it's the first time we're meeting face to face, sober, or maybe I'm not taking the initiative.
> 
> Lately, I feel I'm not being confident enough in the flirting/affection/touching aspect on OLD dates and I feel like I'm coming off more as a friend and maybe joking around too much. I feel like I lost my mojo after the divorce, haha! Ladies, do you like when a guy is more touchy (touching hand/wrist, hand on lower back, leaning in/getting close, etc)/flirtatious on an OLD date? Have you kissed guys on an OLD date? I'm guessing if she's going out with me there has to be some type of attraction, any advice/tips on coming off more attractive/confident?


I'm not a teetotaler and make no judgment about responsible alcohol use, but it seems problematic that you're only comfortable going for the kiss when you and your date are both buzzed. If you can't do it straight up sober, then it either shouldn't be done, or doing it is less than authentic. 

The bottom line is whether or not the evening has generated any chemistry. Genuine chemistry that is. If it hasn't, don't worry. It's not a guarantee, or even a likelihood for many folks. It doesn't mean there's anything _wrong_, it just means that spark wasn't there. No biggie. That's what dating is for.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

dennisg1 said:


> Ladies, do you like when a guy is more touchy (touching hand/wrist, hand on lower back, leaning in/getting close, etc)/flirtatious on an OLD date? Have you kissed guys on an OLD date? I'm guessing if she's going out with me there has to be some type of attraction, any advice/tips on coming off more attractive/confident?


I have kissed only one OLD guy on my first date and that was only because what started off as a quick 30 minutes max drink meet turned into a 5 hour dining/dancing date. There was huge chemistry no doubt about that but I also felt very comfortable and safe with him and it was obvious he was very comfortable with me.

I think there has to be chemistry but also a feeling of general ease and comradere.


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Thank you all for the great advice!

I agree if there is chemistry and good body language; I guess it's a lot easier to go in for a kiss and at that point really won't need any "liquid courage". I just need to get better at being able to read if there is chemistry or not. 



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> The bottom line is whether or not the evening has generated any chemistry. Genuine chemistry that is. If it hasn't, don't worry. It's not a guarantee, or even a likelihood for many folks. It doesn't mean there's anything _wrong_, it just means that spark wasn't there. No biggie. That's what dating is for.


Great point, not every date will have chemistry and that's fine; need to remember this as my dating adventures continue!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

dennisg1 said:


> Thank you all for the great advice!
> 
> I agree if there is chemistry and good body language; I guess it's a lot easier to go in for a kiss and at that point really won't need any "liquid courage". I just need to get better at being able to read if there is chemistry or not.
> 
> Great point, not every date will have chemistry and that's fine; need to remember this as my dating adventures continue!


Are you having thoughts of kissing every date you go on? Aren't there some who you would not want to kiss?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Are you struggling with being able to recognize if a kiss is warranted or desired?

Or are you struggling with recognizing that it is, but you aren't comfortable going for it without social lubricant (booze)?


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you having thoughts of kissing every date you go on? Aren't there some who you would not want to kiss?


Yes, if I'm going out on a date with them I'm already attracted to them physically and mentally (based on our conversations). I'm being a lot more selective with who I go out with to not waste time; so, if we already got to the point of exchanging numbers, planning a date, etc. I definitely have plans on kissing them if the feeling is mutual. 



Deejo said:


> Are you struggling with being able to recognize if a kiss is warranted or desired?
> 
> Or are you struggling with recognizing that it is, but you aren't comfortable going for it without social lubricant (booze)?


I guess I am pretty good in telling if a kiss is warranted/desired and my issue is probably being comfortable going for it without social lubricant. I hate myself for being this way now because I was a lot braver/confident before but I realize that this divorce/cheating really did a number on my level of confidence and taking the lead more as a man. I hate that I'm like this now, I wish I could get back to the old me.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I really don't think you should beat yourself up at all over this. And personally, nothing says you have confidence better than how well you handle rejection. Honestly I got to the point where I'd pull stuff just to see if I would get shot down. Nothing disrespectful or offensive, mind you.

I'd also suggest you don't put pressure on yourself over a kiss topping off the date. If she wants to see you again, not going for the kiss doesn't much matter. I didn't go for the kiss until date #4 in one case because she was sending mixed signals. She was just really nervous and self conscious. We ended up in bed ... so ...

Or ... you can be obvious. Generally I don't recommend stuff that I didn't actually do myself.

On several occasions, honest to God, at the end of the evening, I said these words. "Well I had a wonderful time with you. May I have your consent to kiss you?"
Not one ever said 'No'. 3 of them said "You don't have to ask."


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

dennisg1 said:


> I've been doing the OLD thing and I've been going on dates, which has been fun. I have no problem talking, making my dates laugh, and even flirting a bit but lately I've been having a hard time going in for a kiss at the end of the night; especially if she's barely drinking. I like dates where each of us have a good buzz going on, not being stupid drunk, but it does help with the flirting aspect even more.
> 
> I noticed when I get introduced to someone by a friend, we usually kiss at the end of the night. I guess because we both know the friend that introduced us and it makes for a more relaxing date. However, with OLD I'm chatting with these women pretty much about everything but I guess it just still makes it harder to go in for a kiss at the end of the night, maybe because it's the first time we're meeting face to face, sober, or maybe I'm not taking the initiative.
> 
> Lately, I feel I'm not being confident enough in the flirting/affection/touching aspect on OLD dates and I feel like I'm coming off more as a friend and maybe joking around too much. I feel like I lost my mojo after the divorce, haha! *Ladies, do you like when a guy is more touchy (touching hand/wrist, hand on lower back, leaning in/getting close, etc)/flirtatious on an OLD date? Have you kissed guys on an OLD date? I'm guessing if she's going out with me there has to be some type of attraction, any advice/tips on coming off more attractive/confident?*


Yeah, dont touch me unless I have made it clear that there is an attraction, chemistry if you will. Same thing with a kiss! What in the world are you thinking that you HAVE to kiss your date? 

You mentioned that if you are meeting for a date from OLD that you are attracted... are you SURE about that?? Majority of the time, you may feel a connection when you chat but then you get face to face and...NOTHING. Crickets. So just because she went on that first date with you, never ever assume there is an attraction. I think you need to pay much closer attention to your OWN feelings when face to face, and tune in better to the body language of the person you are out with. I only had TWO men I went out with from OLD that I wanted to have kiss me at the end of date one.

Oh and if you need alcohol to kiss someone, then you should NOT be kissing that person.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

What you really fear is rejection, because going for a kiss is just a physical movement. In my experience a good night kiss has become a replacement for a handshake and can't be used to interpret the success or failure for continued interest.

If you can get a handle on rejection, just go for it. If she responds great, if she turns her head then you know she's not interested. Of course, you could SAY before you go for a kiss, "I had a good time and I'd like to see you again. Are you interested in planning another date?" and then decide if a kiss is warranted before risking a rejection.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Have you ever just smiled and said "can I get a kiss?"


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

dennisg1 said:


> Yes, if I'm going out on a date with them I'm already attracted to them physically and mentally (based on our conversations). I'm being a lot more selective with who I go out with to not waste time; so, if we already got to the point of exchanging numbers, planning a date, etc. I definitely have plans on kissing them if the feeling is mutual.


I plan to kiss them if there is mutual attraction AND chemistry, which you cannot tell by pictures.

I think you should always assume there will be no chemistry, and then wait until you are there to feel if there is. Attraction alone is not enough to make me want to kiss someone, not even mutual attraction. Without chemistry, attraction is a dead end.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> I plan to kiss them if there is mutual attraction AND chemistry, which you cannot tell by pictures.
> 
> I think you should always assume there will be no chemistry, and then wait until you are there to feel if there is. Attraction alone is not enough to make me want to kiss someone, not even mutual attraction. Without chemistry, attraction is a dead end.


Seconded.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Generally I'm not going to kiss someone the first time I meet them in person. If I give a full body hug then I'm feeling the chemistry but if he's trying to kiss me I'm getting the message that he just wants to screw and that's it. Nothing wrong with that, just might not be the message I'm interested in hearing.


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Thanks for all the advice, very helpful!

Friday date: It was a good time; good convo, drinks, appetizers. She was not touchy/feely but instead said things that were sexual in nature; which was weird/interesting. I Uber'd since it was close to where I live and at the end of the night she offered to drive me home; which I said she didn't have to, but she said it was no problem. We ended up talking some more in front of my building and ended it with a kiss on the cheek. I've still been texting her since then but haven't planned a second date yet.

Saturday date: Also, a good time; good convo, drinks, appetizers. She lived further away so I drove out where she's from. She was very touchy/feely and touched me in convo often; which made things feel more relaxed. She dived right into talking about ex's so I got the impression she's looking for something serious and wants to make sure the guy she's dating is also looking for the same. She took an Uber to the bar so I walked her outside and this also ended with a kiss on the cheek. We have been texting still as well but haven't planned a second date yet.

Overall, I had fun on both dates; they obviously had different personalities but I guess still very early to know who I'm interested in more but I guess that's why they call it dating.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

If there was good chemistry on the date then I was the one to go in for the kiss. Kissing is important to me, didn’t want to waste someone’s time if I needed a towel to dry off with after the kiss.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

What kind of sexual things did the Friday night date talk about? You said it was kind of weird. I’m just curious. It may be that she was testing to see if you are kinky (if it was things of that nature).


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> What kind of sexual things did the Friday night date talk about? You said it was kind of weird. I’m just curious. It may be that she was testing to see if you are kinky (if it was things of that nature).


Told her I recently took a trip to Vegas and it's always exhausting when you leave. She said if you were there with me I would have shown you a good time, I asked what she would have planned and she said first I would have taken you to a strip club and got you a lap dance and then wined/dined you the rest of the night.

She got certified in yoga and I told her I wasn't flexible at all, and she said she would give me a private classes to help me.

She brought up OLD guys that reached out to her and one of the guys offered her money to do group sex. I said they should have offered her $10K jokingly and she said the amount was a lot lower.

I didn't mind this flirting/sex innuendos talk, it definitely gave me opportunities to joke around with her and even flirt back; just was caught off guard talking about all this on the first date.


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