# Vacation costs with boyfriend and his 3 kids



## PinkPeonies (Aug 18, 2016)

I got divorced 5 years and ago and have been dating someone for about 4 years now. We moved in together last fall. He has 3 kids (who don't live with us- they live out of state). He takes them on a vacation every summer for 2 weeks. This summer he asked me to come, but asked me to split the cost with him. I think it is strange, he does this same vacation every summer. If anything I feel I should pay for 1/5 of it, why should I pay for his kids too? Am I being unreasonable? Thanks!


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Nope, you are not being unreasonable. That doesn't even make sense that he would want you to pay half...bizarre.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Where's McLane where you need him 

Tell him you'll pay for your expenses - not 1/5 or 1/2 or anything.


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## tripod (Jun 18, 2016)

So, he's showing you who he is; a cheap ****. When people show you who they are, believe them. 

Sorry, but this old Boomer can't get his head around the lack of manliness and manners of the the alleged males of the the current generation. 

Leave. Get yourself a man. You can do better.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Just say no.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Did he say specifically he expects you to split the cost 50-50? If not, ask him what he means by "split the cost."

If he meant 50-50, he's being unreasonable. 

Also, do you _want _to vacation with him and the kids? That's a very different vacation than just the two of you together. I could make a case for just paying for your travel costs and not for the hotel costs and other expenses since it might not be your cup of tea in the first place. (Disneyworld vacay vs. tropical couples resort).


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I guess it depends what is meant by half. For instance if you stay in a beach condo I think the adults should split the cost....kind of.... personally I think it odd that he takes the same trip every year and now wants you to split the cost, unless you going means having to rent a larger more expensive place. 

If he is asking you to split all the cost dollar for dollar that's insane. Why should you pay for his kids travel and food expenses?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

He's a cheap ass. If he wants to take his kids on a vacation then he needs to pay for it. If he wants you to come along as a guest he should pay for it all. 

Show him your left ring finger and say _"When I see a ring on this finger, I might consider paying my share of the costs, but until then pry open that wallet of yours, let the bats fly out and pay for it yourself."_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Agree with others, asking you to cover your own expenses is one thing. To cover his kids is another completely and should get a no.

When we travel as a family my GF covers herself and her son and I cover myself and my daughters.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i think you need to rethink the boyfriend


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

IF he has always payed for the 4 of them on this vacation, and then asked you (i.e., INVITED) you to come along, he should have already had it in his head that he would then be paying for the FIVE of you.

Again, he INVITED you along, you didn't ask to go (I'm assuming this based on your post).


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

tripod said:


> So, he's showing you who he is; a cheap ****. When people show you who they are, believe them.
> 
> Sorry, but this old Boomer can't get his head around the lack of manliness and manners of the the alleged males of the the current generation.
> 
> Leave. Get yourself a man. You can do better.


Agreed

If you pay this , it means he is expecting you carry half his burden for his children from now on . 

He's cheap , not a man .


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I wouldn't pay anything, he invited you so he should pay for it all.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I guess you two have your expenses separated still? I agree you should only be responsible for your own expenses for the trip.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

If you are only dating this guy, you have no responsibility for his kids at all so I'm pretty surprised he would ask you. This would actually make me quite concerned about what going further in this relationship or marriage would look like with this guy. If he doesn't have the money for a vacation he wants to take with his kids, what would he do for a vacation for just the two of you. That probably wouldn't exist. He's probably pretty strapped with child support for them. Money is going to be tight with this guy, I'd consider other options at this point.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Wow, lot's of assumptions and harsh judgments here. 

Ask him what he meant by split the cost rather than assume the worst. And then if he actually meant for you to pay for half his kids evaluate that against whatever your total expense split agreement is when you moved in because you didn't tell us anything about that. For all we know you moved in to a house he is paying for 100%. Maybe he is a cheapskate but not enough info to say...


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I think that you should be responsible for your own expenses. 
Even if you guys split the living arrangements 50/50 you shouldn't be expected to pay for his kids as well. They aren't your step kids.



Sent from my iPhone


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't know, I mean on the surface it sounds unreasonable but when you get involved with someone with children, this is what you sign up for isn't it?

Are you "just" living together or are you de facto married? Are you going to get married?

I've heard of stepfamilies going through the checkout when buying things for the kids, and literally leaving a single item to be paid for by their spouse because "it's not my kid". Seriously???

When I was working I'd often pick up things for my (step) daughter - and we weren't even engaged then. If one of the dogs (who came with me) needed something my husband (then bf) would grab it. Neither of us ever expected reimbursement!

You're a family ffs.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

He's a cheap ass. Tell him to take his trip and stick it.


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## MikeTO (Aug 18, 2016)

Does he pay all the other bills? I don't think he's not being unreasonable to pay some portion of you want to go. You don't have to go with him. Has he courted you? If so I 'm sure he spent a great deal of money. Since he has kids does he pay child support? People on here being pretty closed minded. It's always easy to judge the other person.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

frusdil said:


> I don't know, I mean on the surface it sounds unreasonable but when you get involved with someone with children, this is what you sign up for isn't it?
> 
> Are you "just" living together or are you de facto married? Are you going to get married?
> 
> ...


Picking stuff up for your for your now step daughter or him getting something for the dog is different than spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a vacation.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Yes said:


> Picking stuff up for your for your now step daughter or him getting something for the dog is different than spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a vacation.


I don't see how, if this topic had come up for us whoever had the time to make the booking would have paid for it, be it me or him.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> He's a cheap ass. Tell him to take his trip and stick it.


I have noticed that it's men who are tougher on other men when it comes to men and dating and relationships. 

Before this thread, I would have asked what has been going on in the relationship financially. But this is why I have always avoided men with children.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> [...]asking you to cover your own expenses is one thing. To cover his kids is another completely and should get a no.


I agree. If by "half" he meant you pay for half the *entire* trip, I think it's unfair of an expectation for him to have. If he expects you to pay your own air fare/hotel/event costs, then that's a different matter and an expectation I think is completely reasonable.

Have you gone on this trip with him and his children before?

It sounds like you have the perfect opportunity to become part of a fun family event. You can maintain the spirit and energy of the trip and still be clear. You've just moved in together fairly recently so he may have some covert expectations that you will help out more with expenses, including those involving his children.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If he invited her along, he needs to pay. 

If she invited herself, she needs to offer to pay for her own expenses. But that is not the case here. He invited her. She did not beg to come along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

If she cares she ought to make her third all time post


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Drive by.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Drive by.


It's a pity when this happens.

But then again, people come here for advice not to entertain us! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Some entertain themselves by throwing red meat in the ring and standing back to watch.


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