# One Aspect



## Mrs.G

I have been seeing a therapist. I love our relationship and she has been very helpful. I just don't understand one aspect:

She insists that we need to discuss my traumatic experiences and their effects on me. I prefer to focus on coping skills for now, instead of whining about my past. My therapist says that I am affected by my past precisely because I could never talk to anyone about the abuse, while it was happening.

She says my memories are buried and I prefer to keep them that way. All the talking in the world is NOT going to erase what happened, so why bring it up?

What is your reasoning on discussing trauma? Isn't better to live in the now and move on?


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## DanF

Mrs.G said:


> I have been seeing a therapist. I love our relationship and she has been very helpful. I just don't understand one aspect:
> 
> She insists that we need to discuss my traumatic experiences and their effects on me. I prefer to focus on coping skills for now, instead of whining about my past. My therapist says that I am affected by my past precisely because I could never talk to anyone about the abuse, while it was happening.
> 
> She says my memories are buried and I prefer to keep them that way. All the talking in the world is NOT going to erase what happened, so why bring it up?
> 
> What is your reasoning on discussing trauma? Isn't better to live in the now and move on?


I think that it is only advisable to live in the now and move on if you have vanquished all the demons of your past. I suffered some PTSD during my years in the Navy and never got past it, mainly because I didn't recognize it in myself and was able to hide it from everyone else (also unbeknownst to me). I didn't know what was wrong, but knew how I was supposed to act and did that.
After my marriage nearly went over a cliff, our MC was able to get it out of me and then once I could deal with it on my own and with her help, it was gone. It still rears its ugly head once in a while, but now I know it, so I can deal with it.
I think anything traumatic in your past needs to come out in order for you to properly and healthily move on.
I've read a lot of your posts and from what I've read, your husband is going to be behind you 100%. Don't let this continue to affect you.


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## Runs like Dog

You need to understand why you feel the things you feel.


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## magnoliagal

I'm in therapy too and also prefer to focus on coping skills. But I recognize that the connection has to be made between what happened in the past and my behavior today.


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## Mom6547

Mrs.G said:


> I have been seeing a therapist. I love our relationship and she has been very helpful. I just don't understand one aspect:
> 
> She insists that we need to discuss my traumatic experiences and their effects on me. I prefer to focus on coping skills for now, instead of whining about my past. My therapist says that I am affected by my past precisely because I could never talk to anyone about the abuse, while it was happening.
> 
> She says my memories are buried and I prefer to keep them that way. All the talking in the world is NOT going to erase what happened, so why bring it up?


For ME, it was useful to bring them out in the open and become comfortable with them rather than burying them where they were silently and invisibly eating me up inside.




> What is your reasoning on discussing trauma? Isn't better to live in the now and move on?


It can be hard to move on if you arr burying. But only you know whether that is what you are doing.


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