# Just got divorced



## Ravenwood

I was with the love of my life. Some trials and tribulations happened connected to Childhood trauma. I begged for people to be with me as I worked through this because I was always there for everyone else but no one would help. My life was falling apart and everyone just turned the other way. I went unheard for almost two years. My ex would not listen to anything that I had to say. She started a relationship with someone else while telling me to think about what was best for the children. I tried to make things work with her but things were always turned on me. I'm so angry and lost and I just don't know what to do. For 12 years I focused all of my time and energy on a single person and that person was never myself. Now she's gone and I felt like I had no purpose.


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## Mr.Married

It’s not healthy to invest yourself 100% into another person and lose your identity along the way. Codependent behavior can be a real tough habit to break.

So what was the problem you needed help with?

Are you male or female?


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## ah_sorandy

Move on, she obviously has.


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## Ravenwood

Mr.Married said:


> It’s not healthy to invest yourself 100% into another person and lose your identity along the way. Codependent behavior can be a real tough habit to break.
> 
> So what was the problem you needed help with?
> 
> Are you male or female?


Codependency has been my hardest habit to break. I had to learn to be okay by myself. Lots of childhood trauma and anxiety and depression made me feel that this was impossible. I hated being alone with the thoughts in my head. I don't really need have a problem that I think can be fixed here. This was mostly to just get it out because where I go for counseling is closed due to covid. 

I am male.

I guess my problems would be:
Dealing with separation after a 12 year relationship
Dealing with losing all of your friends to the other person because of lies
Dealing with picking yourself back up from homelessness after they leave
Finding places to meet people and get out during covid.


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## Ravenwood

ah_sorandy said:


> Move on, she obviously has.


Been trying to. Having children, especially ones who beg of you to make it work was hard. I have no other choice but to move on, we divorced. Its more so moving on to another relationship that's hard. I'm afraid for my children, I'm terrified another woman will just do the same again. I'm so scared of damaging my children that they're all I've focused on. I havent tried to developers any relationships outside of friends that have kids so they have playmates. I just feel like I'm constantly running on low.


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## Openminded

Time is the only thing I found that really helped. It takes as long as it takes so don’t judge yourself against someone else who appears to be coping better and faster. One day you won’t care but for now take life a moment at a time. And most of all be good to yourself.


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## Openminded

Don’t rush into another relationship. Heal first.


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## jlg07

Are you in counseling? YOu should be. Your kids can be also.
As for this:
"Dealing with losing all of your friends to the other person because of lies "
WHY can't you correct her lies? TELL people the truth (document if you can). Your kids will start hearing this and believe it if YOU don't try to protect your reputation.
Folks who are truly friends will listen and believe you.


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## Ravenwood

This has been the hardest part. My codependency tells me I NEED a relationship but because of codependency, I have forced myself to be alone, to become okay with myself and my own mind.


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## Ravenwood

Openminded said:


> Don’t rush into another relationship. Heal first.


This has been the hardest part. My codependency tells me I NEED a relationship but because of codependency, I have forced myself to be alone, to become okay with myself and my own mind.


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## bandit.45

> Dealing with losing all of your friends to the other person because of lies


These people were not real friends. They were not. True friends know enough about you to know when someone is lying about you, and thus you don't have to worry about them turning their backs on you. True friends can discern when they are being played. So, you really didn't lose anything here, because these turncoats showed you who and what they really were. So you can strike that off your list and don't look back.


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