# advice please?



## Justme2 (Mar 21, 2013)

Let me start out by saying I have been married for 2 1/2 years.. In my second marriage. Past relationships have made it so I am extremely insecure about myself, how I look, etc. When I am feeling anxious about something, I will go to him and tell him how I am feeling, why I am feeling this way.. At first he was opened to it and would talk to me about it. Now, he will not talk to me about my issues. It seems like he's ignoring me..I try to be open with him, but he shuts me down it seems. Other than this, our marriage is healthy. I am at a loss, I'm overwhelmed.. thank you for advice in advance


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hi Justme2,

So, in the past, you and H kind of had an agreement that you would tell him when you were feeling anxious or insecure and he would offer reassurance. But now he doesn't offer reassurance. Is that about right?

Have you asked him why he doesn't offer reassurance anymore?


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## Justme2 (Mar 21, 2013)

yes, that's correct. I have asked him why, he seems to ignore me


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Are you insecure and anxious very often? Are you telling him the same things over and over again? Most people like to comfort someone in need, but some folks seem to have endless needs.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I suggest, along the lines of what unbelievable said, that you should offer your H a means of telling you something he may not be comfortable saying. Such as, " I guess I can get kind of emotionally needy at times, is it beginning to bother you that I come to you and rely on you too much? Are you still okay with it? How do you really feel about it?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Just, you mentioned that you mentioned that you entered the relationship with emotional baggage that has nothing to do with your husband. Not sure how heavy this emotional baggage is, but your husband is just a guy. He's not a shrink, a therapist, or counselor. He has no magic wand. My wife has severe depression and bipolar. I'm sure she thinks I'm a louse and that I don't care because she married me yet she's still unhappy. I can give hugs. I can put groceries on the table. I can't cure mental illness, can't exorcise demons, erase bad memories, fix broken childhoods, or restore broken dreams. When she said "I do" I assumed she was emotionally and mentally ready and able to. Your situation may not be remotely as severe but remember this is just a guy. He is programmed to "do" things if he has clear instructions. It would be frustrating and unnatural for him to listen to problems he can't understand and that he can't fix. It would make him feel like a failure to have a perpetually unhappy wife. He's the guy on the white horse. In his mind, he's supposed to keep his wife fed, safe, and happy.


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