# heart borken



## devestated in sacramento (Oct 13, 2010)

I recently found out that my wife of 2 years (together for 5) had cheated on me, not sure how long ago, she doesn't want to tell me details. however since i've found out her infidelity to her "best Friend" we have gone thru about a million emotions and things have been said all contridictions, and after coming to her and telling her that i would be willing to work on the marriage she tells me that she doesn't want to work on it, she could never forgive herself for doing this to me and that she choose to be happy over us. she feels that she has worked on the marriage the best way she knows how. I do not want want to give up on us but while she's telling me she doesn't want me anymore, she still wants me to remain in the house, is willing to still pay for thing, still keeps me on her insurance at work....

I don't get why she wants to keep thing in tact as much as possible.. but reminding that i'm not stsying in the house to work on the marriage. she says she's not having a relationship with her or anyone else, and wants to be alone, and she feels that she could not remain faithfull to anyone. how do you cohabitate with your spouse when you act like strangers and don't really know how to interact, i still very much love her and every time i see her i want to hug her, kiss her, but is it appropriate?

I' not really sure what to do or think about any of it things change so much from hour to hour. my first instint was to run as fast as i could and not look back, but that not what i want..i want my life with my wife back.

any feed back woukld be helpfull


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## alone4ever? (Oct 18, 2010)

Hi, I am in sacramento as well.

I wanted to say that my story is very similar to yours. I wish I can give you good news but honestly your wife will do you no good. I fought for my fiancee to work us out after SHE cheated and when she "tried" to work at us, she basically took full advantage of it by expecting me to do all the back-breaking effort. She will work you like a slave in order for her to "want to" stay. Basically you will have to "keep" it worthwhile for her to stay and the standard will be impossible to reach therefore allowing her to treat you wrong... AGAIN. If you slip in any way, she will use it totally against you. You need to let her go. I was in so much hurt when I had to move on earlier this year (after 8 years) while she was basically laughing at me for "loving her too much." Your probably a nice guy and to honest, we will get burned easily and hard if we don't realize a relationship requires two people to give equal effort. I have the most horrible luck with the ladies and struggle everyday if I will ever have a chance to experience love ever agian  

I am telling you everything I said from experience. To sum it up, if she stays, she will expect you to give 75% of the effort while she gives 25% because you will have to convince her its worth saving EVERYDAY. You slip, you will taken advantage of quicker than the 29 cent hamburger deals at McD's.

Its not because she did something that she won't forgive herself. My ex used that same excuse. She is really saying that she feels insecure and she needs to find herself again. She wants to be the attention again. She wants to meet other men and have other men approach her again. When guys do approach her and she does whatever with them, she will get bored and will likely look for love again.... you. But if you take her back, you will be in a far off worse position than before. I'm sorry for what your going through. It hurts me bad to type this out. It feels as if I am responding to my own question. Good luck!


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## pokergirl007 (Mar 17, 2010)

Sorry to say it but it sounds like the choice is not in your hands... she has said to you that she feels she cant be faithful to anyone, she is being honest, she is telling you where she is at and it sounds like she has been clear that she is done and cares enough about you that she doesnt want to hurt you anymore but knows that she isnt about to stop. Do you really want to worl it out with someone who is admittedly going to keep treating you the same way???? She thinks you deserve better in her own indirect way, you should believe so too.... good luck.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Wait a minute, you are the injured party and like a typical lying cheater she has turned it around. Please read info about of cheating spouses there is much on the internet. You can tell if reconciliation is a possibility based on the attitude of the cheater. Believe her when she says she cannot guarantee she will not cheat. 

She should not set the rules you should, get a separation if she does not know what she wants and she is indifferent to your pain then it's her choice. But she will have to suffer the consequences because she can't stay in the house with you making a fool of you yet again. You must regain a sense of your self - it is not good for you to allow her to do as she pleases. Your love is not enough, you have to pull in and take care of you now. If you allow her to use you and then walk away when she has the next guy lined up, you will feel far worse. 

Take action, take charge tell her she cannot stay with you in her current state of mind and that you are deciding if you want her. Her attitude is disrespectful and uncaring you do not need to be around that. Don't be so quick to forgive she is not eve=n sorry. Take yourself in hand and do what will be difficult but will ultimately increase your self esteem and sense of your self. Best of everything.


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