# Overwhelmed by thought of divorce process..is it brutal?



## nicholascanada (Aug 10, 2012)

So I think a lot about leaving my wife. I have for the last couple of years when I started to realize this was not for me any more.

I then went through a cancer battle and her lack of support, a lot of time spent with her, really made me see that now is the time. I do not want to look back 10 years from now and have regrets about not moving forward.

The problem is...every time I start to think about leaving, the entire process stops me. I think about trying to stay in our current home, buying her out, living with her in current house for awhile possibly if that happened, being on my own again, selling furniture, moving furniture etc etc etc etc. It freezes me. I can not get past what seems like a mountain to get to where I know I want to be.

Is the "process" that overwhelming? I did not want to take it on during cancer because my psychologist told me it would be too much. So now I stand, healthy, at the other end. Wanting to move onto to a next chapter in my life. But as soon as I start thinking of what it will take, I start to think...oh maybe another year and see if she changes...maybe we can make this work...etc etc etc. The same things I have thought for awhile and it will not change. I know I want to move on.

Just wondering if someone can give me some words of encouragement or experience to help me with my freezing! lol Just seems like too muck work at times to make this change, would just be easier to stay as is and be miserable...lol Although I know that is not the right answer.

Thanks!!

Nick


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

The "process" is more scary looking at it from the outside. Once you take that first step, it really isnt that bad. Of course, it all depends on cooperation between spouses, quality of your legal advise, etc. You just have to decide which is more scary to you...a six month-year long process, or a lifetime of being with someone you are not happy with.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It can depend on a lot of things.

If you live in the USA, what state do you live in?
How long have you been married?
Do you have chidlren under 18 from this marriage?
Does your wife work outside the home?
How much disparity is there between your two incomes?
Do you have a lot of hard to sort out assets?


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## Keeponrollin (May 14, 2013)

I am going to add one other point to ELeGirl comment..How you and your wife view each other..as friends or enemies. 

My x-wife and I just knew we were not meant for each other so it was a pretty painless process except for me not seeing my child everyday (that tore me up). But it was quick, painless and we are still friends. Though I understand this is a rarity and not the normal divorce.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I was scared to death of it at the beginning. I suppose, some of the difficulty could lie in the laws of your state. The other difficulty will lie in the willingness of both parties to work together to settle things amicably. This way is much more cost effective. The less spent, the more left over. I live in a state which still has At fault divorces. Thankfully this will work to my advantage. My X's attorney at first tried to be very heavy handed. Until my attorney clued him in. I either get an amicable divorce on my terms,(im being very fair) or we do this at fault. My X wont want all her actions discussed in court. My X's attorney wasnt happy being lied to. Im 18 months into my divorce. Mostly because of the X's stalling. But, its now moving forward, and im getting what I want. Treat everything like a business transaction. Emotion really doesnt have a place in it.


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## nicholascanada (Aug 10, 2012)

Live in Canada.
MArried 6 years.
No children.
We get along as friends.
Both work, I make $35k more than her.
Not much for hard to sort out assets.


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