# Ex Wife Wants To Know Why I Didn't Get Her Something For MDAY



## J311 (May 2, 2016)

In the middle of going through a divorce me 34 she is 29 and two small children. Met at our usual drop off location for the kids today (1:30 hrs away) and she is going to have the gall today to say "i bet you didn't get me anything for mothers day? However being the gentleman i'am i did have a dozen roses for her and that was it. I felt that was more than adequate especially for what **** she has put me through in the past 7 weeks. She wanted the divorce not me.... What are your thoughts?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Frankly you gave her 12 roses too many....you should have turned around and said, trust me darling you will always be a mother to me...


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

She is lucky she got roses from you, especially with that attitude. She isn't your mother so you don't have any obligation to give her anything, your children do.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hope you got them at a supermarket. They'll be dead before she gets home.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I did Kroger special $10

Keep in mind I asked her if she wanted something for Mother's Day and her birthday which is in a few weeks and she said no. I can't stand the mind games some women will play


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

J311 said:


> I did Kroger special $10
> 
> *Keep in mind I asked her if she wanted something for Mother's Day and her birthday which is in a few weeks and she said no. I can't stand the mind games some women will play*


You asked her if she wanted something, she said "no", you bought something anyway...You are both playing games FFS. You are getting divorced and refer to her as your Ex, most people don't buy gifts for their Ex.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

J311 said:


> In the middle of going through a divorce me 34 she is 29 and two small children. Met at our usual drop off location for the kids today (1:30 hrs away) and she is going to have the gall today to say "i bet you didn't get me anything for mothers day? However being the gentleman i'am i did have a dozen roses for her and that was it. I felt that was more than adequate especially for what **** she has put me through in the past 7 weeks. She wanted the divorce not me.... What are your thoughts?


You are indeed a gentleman. What a gracious example you set for your children.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You don't have to get her anything....whether she expects it or not, whether she expresses it or not. It's not her call.

On the other hand....the "good daddy" thing to do is to let the kids scribble a picture for her and you tie a ribbon on it. Or if they are older, give them a dollar and be patient while they take an hour to pick out something from the dollar store. This is for the kids. So THEY are raised right, so they understand gift giving and showing appreciation. When they are older, you pay them for chores so that they can afford to buy her something, and you take them shopping....but then it's between them and her, you are just the ride. 

You don't have to make excuses. You don't have to answer to her.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Awwwwww, she's divorcing you and you get her flowers. 

WTH for? You need to read up.

https://www.google.com/search?q=no+more+mr+nice+guy+pdf&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Yeah, I wouldn't have given her anything. Say, "Happy Mother's Day", get in your car and drive home. No need to spend any money on her.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I don't know your story but I think you did the right thing. You are going forward with the divorce, nothing in your post sounds as if the gesture was one that you figured might patch things up. 
I know regardless what happens in my marriage I would always be thankfully to my wife for blessing me with two great kids. Your soon to be ex wife is wrong for expecting it.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I wouldnt have given her anything other than a card.

I WOULD have made sure the kids hooked her up with awesome gifts though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Jld's "Gentleman": 

Translation-- paycheck. Alt. def.1; male person used for validation and improvement of one's self esteem by their acceptance and demonstration of self-degradation. 
I.e. Often gives females roses that have told them plainly they want them out of their life completely. 
Yes, a true gentleman.

Alt def. 2: A male person who is always present for the benefit of assuaging one's guilt by accepting blame for all manner of deeds, even deeds they are unaware of doing or have not done, or done in a context that makes one blameless. This person is known around town as Ali. 
As in -- see him, it's ALi Hisfault.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> I wouldnt have given her anything other than a cars.
> 
> I WOULD have made sure the kids hooked her up with awesome gifts though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't wait to see what she gets him for Father's Day......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I did go to the dollar store and got her a card from the kids. I helped them write there names etc.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

You are getting/got a divorce, why are you still playing the "Oh, I really don't want anything, when I really do" game? Many women do not know this game because they mean what they say. So, don't be offended by some of the comments you'll receive. Men and women both have their sh!t tests, I remember this one well.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

yeah i asked her a couple of weeks ago and she said no i don't want anything for md or my birthday. And pull the card out saying " i bet you didn't get me anything for md" typical bull**** i have had to put up with her non appreciative. Go find someone else and make there life miserable


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You shouldn't have given her the roses after that little performance OP. You should have picked up the roses and said "actually, I did get you something, but wow...I think I'd rather give them to someone who'll appreciate them" and put them back in the car. What a b!tch!


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I should have just thrown them on the ground and run them over. Your right what a *****, and she is going to complain why i was 20 minutes late? Hell she was over 45 minutes late when i went to get the kids and didn't say a damn word to her about it. She has some attitude. Like i said let the ***** be someone else's problem


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## CMD1978 (Apr 9, 2016)

You sound like a pretty good guy. My H has never gotten me anything on Mother's Day. He believes MD is the kids' responsibility and therefore something they should take care of when they are old enough. But even once they were old enough to buy something he won't give them money to do so unless they earn it.

He spends $100+ a year on his mother for MD. Dinner out (without us), flowers, card. The year I was pregnant he bought tickets to a Yankees game. 2 tickets, not 3. Yup, he took his mother, not me. She's got him really well trained.

The last 3 years straight I've taken my kids out on MD without him and paid for dinner myself. Made me feel like a single mother. Which is most likely what I'll be by this time next year. His mother will be thrilled.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Oh wow, while reading your post i thought you were divorced. That's the vibe i got.. Hopefully it will get better on your end. Men need training i guess I needed a lot of training. At the end of the day you can't make someone be with you. I'm at peace with that. I have a good friend that went through a divorce as well. He was telling me the other day "before my mother passed she said you can't make someone be with you" I get it now and i think i'm ready for whatever life throws at me


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

J311 said:


> In the middle of going through a divorce me 34 she is 29 and two small children. Met at our usual drop off location for the kids today (1:30 hrs away) and she is going to have the gall today to say "i bet you didn't get me anything for mothers day? However being the gentleman i'am i did have a dozen roses for her and that was it. I felt that was more than adequate especially for what **** she has put me through in the past 7 weeks. She wanted the divorce not me.... What are your thoughts?


"Well, I got these for the woman that I've been seeing, but no -- I didn't get anything for you."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

That would have been another good one. I should have told her the girl accidentally left them in the car last night.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

CMD1978 said:


> You sound like a pretty good guy. My H has never gotten me anything on Mother's Day. He believes MD is the kids' responsibility and therefore something they should take care of when they are old enough. But even once they were old enough to buy something he won't give them money to do so unless they earn it.
> 
> He spends $100+ a year on his mother for MD. Dinner out (without us), flowers, card. The year I was pregnant he bought tickets to a Yankees game. 2 tickets, not 3. Yup, he took his mother, not me. She's got him really well trained.
> 
> The last 3 years straight I've taken my kids out on MD without him and paid for dinner myself. Made me feel like a single mother. Which is most likely what I'll be by this time next year. His mother will be thrilled.


Please tell us that you don't do anything for Father's Day and you take the kids out and leave him to fend for his dinner all by his selfish azz self. If some men had to pop out a baby, their job would be done. They'd rear back in their lazyboy and expect to be treated with the utmost of respect and never lift a finger again.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

J311 said:


> I should have just thrown them on the ground and run them over. Your right what a *****, and she is going to complain why i was 20 minutes late? Hell she was over 45 minutes late when i went to get the kids and didn't say a damn word to her about it. She has some attitude. Like i said let the ***** be someone else's problem


 You should have plucked the flowers of and given her the thorny stems, sounds appropriate.
Besides it's called "mother's" day not wives day. Lot's of entitled wives on here that seem to expect it instead of appreciate it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I made you some extra special chocolate candy! Enjoy!


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

J311 said:


> Men need training i guess I needed a lot of training.


 LOL. Trained? No, some men and women need to be untrained. You are divorced and your "training" kicked in when you bought flowers when she CLAIMED she wanted nothing.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

very true ^^^^^^


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

J311 said:


> In the middle of going through a divorce me 34 she is 29 and two small children. Met at our usual drop off location for the kids today (1:30 hrs away) and she is going to have the gall today to say "i bet you didn't get me anything for mothers day? However being the gentleman i'am i did have a dozen roses for her and that was it. I felt that was more than adequate especially for what **** she has put me through in the past 7 weeks. She wanted the divorce not me.... What are your thoughts?


wow she has a cheek. :surprise:


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

?? ^^^^


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

CMD1978 said:


> You sound like a pretty good guy. My H has never gotten me anything on Mother's Day. He believes MD is the kids' responsibility and therefore something they should take care of when they are old enough. But even once they were old enough to buy something he won't give them money to do so unless they earn it.
> 
> He spends $100+ a year on his mother for MD. Dinner out (without us), flowers, card. The year I was pregnant he bought tickets to a Yankees game. 2 tickets, not 3. Yup, he took his mother, not me. She's got him really well trained.
> 
> The last 3 years straight I've taken my kids out on MD without him and paid for dinner myself. Made me feel like a single mother. Which is most likely what I'll be by this time next year. His mother will be thrilled.


Omg wtf? Seriously? :surprise:


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Not me, this was a person responding to my thread


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

J311 said:


> yeah i asked her a couple of weeks ago and she said no i don't want anything for md or my birthday. And pull the card out saying " i bet you didn't get me anything for md" typical bull**** i have had to put up with her non appreciative. Go find someone else and make there life miserable


I'm confused.

You asked her if she wanted anything.

She said no.

You got her flowers anyway.

So did she ask you today if you got her anything for MD? If she did, why would she ask if you gave her flowers?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Yeah sorry if your confused. She just asked her if i got her anything. And i got her the flowers ... She didnt specifally ask if i got her flowers.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

I get the gist, as heavy handed as it is, but sometimes you have to agree with JLD, this is one of those times. Being a man isn't always pleasant, but it's worth it. 



Evinrude58 said:


> Jld's "Gentleman":
> 
> Translation-- paycheck. Alt. def.1; male person used for validation and improvement of one's self esteem by their acceptance and demonstration of self-degradation.
> I.e. Often gives females roses that have told them plainly they want them out of their life completely.
> ...


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

She's clueless.


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## zzzman99 (Oct 23, 2015)

J311 said:


> I did Kroger special $10
> 
> Keep in mind I asked her if she wanted something for Mother's Day and her birthday which is in a few weeks and she said no. I can't stand the mind games some women will play


Why would you even ask? Why would you even buy her these? Grow a pair.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

Good in theory. And I like reading it, but to her it reeks of 'I still care about you' 

Move on, detach, find a better Love. 

Life is short, live it.

Cheers, V(13)



J311 said:


> That would have been another good one. I should have told her the girl accidentally left them in the car last night.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

My ex pulled the same thing and i told her that why should I get her anything. Were not married any longer and she said, "Well I am a mother". I shook my head and kept repeating "oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah" and started laughing and she finally got it.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Agreed voltaire, Life is too short for all of this petty bull ****. We are on two different levels going after two different things in life. I agree wth you 100%


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OP if you would have felt bad not getting her flowers and you wanted to get her the flowers then you did the right thing.
What's important is that you buckled your kids in, drove safely and that they were clean, fed, well rested and happy.

Nothing else matters. 
Your relationship with your 'Ex' is yours to forge however you see fit.

I generally give people 15 minutes leeway on being late. Longer than that I want a text head's up, preferably before they are being late in that 15-minute window. So I have time to grab a cup of coffee, settle into a book, rearrange any plans I'd made, etc. 

My kids' dad gave me a squash once he had grown. It was, to be honest, a little awkward. 
But now I laugh about it.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Good Lord!! I would have told her that the kids made her nice cards and been done with it.

She's probably calling all her friends now and whispering to them about the dozen roses you gave her...shush..he must want you back..ya think??

Phhht!!!


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

She did well seeing she's your ex. I can't believe she asked you for a gift. I have told my husband I don't expect a gift and think our family lunch out is a treat for all of us.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I'm a bit confused by the wording of the original post. It sounds like you expected her to ask about a mothers day gift and you were just waiting to take the bait and spring the flowers on her as a "got ya" moment. Then you complain that she asked but you were the bigger person because you had them. 

Short story version is you trying to portray her as bad and you as good. Sounds like silly and spiteful game playing to me.


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## Isla Cruces (May 20, 2015)

My ex gave me a Mother's Day gift he bought me my fav 80 perfume. Really it just made me feel more sad. This is my first Mother's Day without my family. And it left me feeling also like what am I suppose to do for Father's Day. He ruined my life and cost me my job I can't afford anything and he has a new girlfriend I'll feel like an idiot giving him and Father's Day gift and his girlfriend does too. It's a nice thing he did but I instantly really wanted to just throw it at him.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

J311 said:


> I did Kroger special $10
> 
> Keep in mind I asked her if she wanted something for Mother's Day and her birthday which is in a few weeks and she said no. I can't stand the mind games some women will play


Yet you keep playing them.

If she wants to be cordial, I would consider a card that says she is a great mother and thanking her for her effort. 

But roses? Wrong signal. Let her get her ego kibbles elsewhere. 

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

you took the high road. can't really go wrong taking the high road.

did your kids see you give them to her? and then hear her complain about it?

after the divorce is final I wouldn't be buying her stuff except from the kids.


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

J311 said:


> yeah i asked her a couple of weeks ago and she said no i don't want anything for md or my birthday. And pull the card out saying " i bet you didn't get me anything for md" typical bull**** i have had to put up with her non appreciative. Go find someone else and make there life miserable


Here's the beauty in all this "typical bull**** i have had to put up with her non appreciative." You don't have to anymore!!!! Stop buying flowers and asking her if she wants anything for Mother's Day and her birthday! You're allowing her to be her what you dislike about her and have control over the situation! 
Like others have said, take the children to pick out a card and a small gift...(keeping in mind it's from THEM) for their mom and be done with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

As much as it is said about men, and the differences between simply making a baby, and being a dad...the same is true of women. Simply giving birth is something millions of women do every single day...it's what you do after having the child that makes a woman a mom.

It was only at my wife's urging that I sent my ex wife a happy mothers day text yesterday evening, because to be completely honest, the thought to do so hadn't even crossed my mind.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I wouldn't have bought her flowers but in the end you did and your kids got to see a good example set.
In the future id just stick with a simple card that the kids sign or as someone suggested take them to the dollar store and let pick out something.



Sent from my iPhone


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

J311 said:


> In the middle of going through a divorce me 34 she is 29 and two small children. Met at our usual drop off location for the kids today (1:30 hrs away) and she is going to have the gall today to say "i bet you didn't get me anything for mothers day? However being the gentleman i'am i did have a dozen roses for her and that was it. I felt that was more than nadequate especially for what **** she has put me through in the past 7 weeks. She wanted the divorce not me.... What are your thoughts?


*She's obviously your ex-wife for a reason! She willingly embraced ownership of no longer being associated with you. While optional, giving her a personal Mother's Day gift, post-marriage, is pretty much letting her have her cake and eat it too!

Getting her a gift/card from your small children, however, is certainly appropriate but do not attach your name to it in any way!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I have taken note. I did get her a card from the kids and helped them write there names on the card. As far as her birthday is concerned in a few weeks she won't be getting anything from me. Your correct she doesn't want to be husband and wife yet she still wants gifts. Lesson learned won't happen anymore. Thanks for the advice everyone!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

What were the circumstances that led to your divorce?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

J311 said:


> In the middle of going through a divorce


Sorry to hear that...



J311 said:


> she is going to have the gall today to say "I bet you didn't get me anything for mothers day?


She's got some balls on her. Why the fvck would you give her anything except your divorce attorney's phone number?!?



J311 said:


> However being the gentleman I am I did have a dozen roses for her and that was it.


Wait.... what????? 



J311 said:


> She wanted the divorce not me.... What are your thoughts?


You don't want to know. I'd check her purse though. I think she's got a pair of something that belongs to you.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

J311 said:


> I did go to the dollar store and got her a card from the kids. I helped them write there names etc.


This is about the extent of it for me too. I make sure my kids know they should get her something for Mothers Day. I drive them to the store, give them $20 and tell them to pick something out for her. As soon as they are old enough to drive and have jobs...I'm done.

The same for her birthday, and Christmas except the amount is matched with whatever she spent on me.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

She was tired of the marriage "burnt out" i guess. No infidelity or nothing physical we had our fair share of arguments. Mariiage lasted roughly 5 years and two small kids 2.5-3.5. She was unhappy i think mainly with her self and had one hell of an attitude. I did as well but after i was provoked. I wasn't going to sit there and take the bull**** from her on a daily basis.... Hell even her parents said she needs medicine to calm down. I don't know if she has estrogen level problems or just cracked the hell up. Either way i think i got the winning side of this. She will be someone else's nightmare


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

J311 said:


> In the middle of going through a divorce me 34 she is 29 and two small children. Met at our usual drop off location for the kids today (1:30 hrs away) and she is going to have the gall today to say "i bet you didn't get me anything for mothers day? However being the gentleman i'am i did have a dozen roses for her and that was it. I felt that was more than adequate especially for what **** she has put me through in the past 7 weeks. She wanted the divorce not me.... What are your thoughts?


To laugh your ass off.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Decimated said:


> This is about the extent of it for me too. I make sure my kids know they should get her something for Mothers Day. I drive them to the store, give them $20 and tell them to pick something out for her. As soon as they are old enough to drive and have jobs...I'm done.
> 
> The same for her birthday, and Christmas except the amount is matched with whatever she spent on me.


Why buy her gifts _at all_?

Hell, I might send her a framed summary of the past year's alimony checks each Christmas, along w/ a card that reads "X months and counting..." (where X is the number of months of alimony left), but that's about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Why buy her gifts _at all_?
> 
> Hell, I might send her a framed summary of the past year's alimony checks each Christmas, along w/ a card that reads "X months and counting..." (where X is the number of months of alimony left), but that's about it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The gifts aren't from HIM. He is simply providing a means for the children to get their mother a gift. His name is not attached to any of it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

J311 said:


> She was tired of the marriage "burnt out" i guess. No infidelity or nothing physical we had our fair share of arguments. Mariiage lasted roughly 5 years and two small kids 2.5-3.5. She was unhappy i think mainly with her self and had one hell of an attitude. I did as well but after i was provoked. I wasn't going to sit there and take the bull**** from her on a daily basis.... Hell even her parents said she needs medicine to calm down. I don't know if she has estrogen level problems or just cracked the hell up. Either way i think i got the winning side of this. She will be someone else's nightmare


Well no more gifts. She fired you as her husband...that's it. If she wants a guy to buy her MD gifts then she needs to find a new man and get off your back. 

Tell her this is the last time she gets a gift from you and not to expect any more.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yes said:


> The gifts aren't from HIM. He is simply providing a means for the children to get their mother a gift. His name is not attached to any of it.


The last paragraph in his comment would suggest that he buys gifts for her based on the fact that she's buying gifts for him. If he was still referring to gifts bought for the kids to give then I missed that.

Still, I like my idea. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Good luck explaining to a new wife or gf that you're getting your ex roses.

She's not your mother. 

If you want you can let the kids get a card for her. 

My ex had the kids for a chunk of yesterday and he didn't take them to do squat for me, and I wouldn't expect him to. 

My hb did take them even though they're not his kids because he thought it would be nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> The last paragraph in his comment would suggest that he buys gifts for her based on the fact that she's buying gifts for him. If he was still referring to gifts bought for the kids to give then I missed that.
> 
> Still, I like my idea.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The OP (J311) bought roses for his ex. Decimated was the poster I was quoting.

This is why I dislike two separate things going on in the same thread. Things get confusing.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why the hell would you buy anything, ESPECIALLY roses, for a woman who holds you in such contempt?? Holy crap - stop being so needy.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yes said:


> The OP (J311) bought roses for his ex. Decimated was the poster I was quoting.
> 
> This is why I dislike two separate things going on in the same thread. Things get confusing.


I was referencing @Decimated's post as well.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> I was referencing @Decimated's post as well.


Gus, I was referring to gifts from the kids. I give them money to buy gifts for her on her birthday, Mothers Day and Christmas only. I keep it to a $ minimum. She reciprocates with the same. The only reason I do this is so the kids learn and understand that they are responsible for getting her something on these special days. Because they are younger, all I do is give them the money. I refuse to pick out gifts...that's their job.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> Why the hell would you buy anything, ESPECIALLY roses, for a woman who holds you in such contempt?? Holy crap - stop being so needy.


He's still hanging onto the hope she will come back. He was honest about that in his OP. So, he has to learn she doesn't want him.


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