# Not sure whats going on.



## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

Wife and I been together for 11 years now. Past 2 years have been rough. Always arguing about the littlest things. I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help. My first time back in our home with the kids. She told me she was talking to someone. Just talking. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I asked questions. She said she's talking to him on the phone for therapeutic purposes only. I asked if she gets happy when he calls and she said yes. Not sure what to make of that. Need advice please.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

So i am guessing the person she is talking too is not a therapist, so the next question is who is this person she is talking too? what relations does he have too her? but back to your intitial statement you moved out for 2 months (why would you honestly feel that being away from each other and only having minmal interaction would be help your relationship over all....she clearly feels some form of emotional connection to this person (assuming man) and she sounds like she did not miss you. Your leaving instead of addressing the issues between you two has now created a bigger mess....out of sight out of mind.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Rob78 said:


> Wife and I been together for 11 years now. Past 2 years have been rough. Always arguing about the littlest things. I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help. My first time back in our home with the kids. She told me she was talking to someone. Just talking. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I asked questions. She said she's talking to him on the phone for therapeutic purposes only. I asked if she gets happy when he calls and she said yes. Not sure what to make of that. Need advice please.


They are dating, that’s what happening. Sadly, there’s a lot more to the story then you currently know.


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## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

Lostinthought61 said:


> So i am guessing the person she is talking too is not a therapist, so the next question is who is this person she is talking too? what relations does he have too her? but back to your intitial statement you moved out for 2 months (why would you honestly feel that being away from each other and only having minmal interaction would be help your relationship over all....she clearly feels some form of emotional connection to this person (assuming man) and she sounds like she did not miss you. Your leaving instead of addressing the issues between you two has now created a bigger mess....out of sight out of mind.


She told me it's nothing like I think it is. He lives out of state. I mean, she didn't have to tell me about this. She has no friends and said she wanted to talk to an adult without arguing.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Rob78 said:


> Wife and I been together for 11 years now. Past 2 years have been rough. Always arguing about the littlest things. I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help. My first time back in our home with the kids. She told me she was talking to someone. Just talking. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I asked questions. She said she's talking to him on the phone for therapeutic purposes only. I asked if she gets happy when he calls and she said yes. Not sure what to make of that. Need advice please.


Usually sudden arguments about little things for no apparent reason start when a spouse is seeing or emotionally involved with someone else. She didn’t just start talking with someone. It’s been going on for 2 years. You just didn’t know about it until now, because she thinks she’s got a branch to grab onto with the guy.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Rob78 said:


> She told me it's nothing like I think it is. He lives out of state. I mean, she didn't have to tell me about this. She has no friends and said she wanted to talk to an adult without arguing.


No marriage has ever gotten better by the introduction of a possible competitor of their spouse being introduced into the marriage.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Regardless how it started or when, it needs to end if your marriage has any hope of surviving, let alone improving. Yea, I bet he’s “therapeutic” lol

If you think something sounds absurd, that’s because it is.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Rob78 said:


> Wife and I been together for 11 years now. Past 2 years have been rough. Always arguing about the littlest things. I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help. My first time back in our home with the kids. She told me she was talking to someone. Just talking. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I asked questions. She said she's talking to him on the phone for therapeutic purposes only. I asked if she gets happy when he calls and she said yes. Not sure what to make of that. Need advice please.


Yeah, sorry sweetie. She’s having an affair. Sounds like she’s monkey branching, asking you to step back so she can see how things go with new guy while keeping you on a string. You deserve better than this.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Never heard of a side piece referred to has a “therapeutic” by a spouse before. That’s funny.

First, have her promise to stop ALL contact with the other guy or tell her it’s over. If she balks or keeps talking to him, have a lawyer draw up separation docs and have her served. That’s a necessary step, but more importantly, serves as a shot across her bow to let her know you’re serious. 

if she breaks off all contact, get into marriage counseling ASAP.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Her friend doesn’t benefit your marriage. If it was your idea to move out, it was a mistake. If it was her idea for you to move out, now you know why.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If you want to know when this started and how much go online and check the phone bill. That’s always a good easy check. Don’t be shocked at what you find and that this was when your problems started.
Cheaters always lie a lot. Blame shifting is always part of their game.


*Blame-shifting* is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Rob78 said:


> Wife and I been together for 11 years now. Past 2 years have been rough. Always arguing about the littlest things. I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help. My first time back in our home with the kids. *She told me she was talking to someone. Just talking. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I asked questions. She said she's talking to him on the phone for therapeutic purposes only. I asked if she gets happy when he calls and she said yes. Not sure what to make of that. Need advice please.*


It’s at least an emotional affair. Wake up to reality.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Rob78 said:


> She told me it's nothing like I think it is. He lives out of state. I mean, she didn't have to tell me about this. She has no friends and said she wanted to talk to an adult without arguing.


Seriously? All cheaters lie a lot. You can’t take her word for anything. You are extremely naive. Wake up before she wakes you up.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I’ll cut to the chase ….. it’s already too late. She is working on your replacement.

Sure as chit and plain as day.

This is the part where you ridiculously tell us that it can’t be true because she said “ Insert some stupid horse poo between quotes”


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Never leave your home. All that did was allow her to focus solely on her new boyfriend.
Do not do the infamous ‘pick me dance’ all that does is lower your status and make her new boyfriend look even better.
See an attorney and figure out what your rights are.
Right now your wife has a boyfriend while married to you.
The only one that can make you a chump is yourself.
She’s picking him over you.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Rob78 said:


> Wife and I been together for 11 years now. Past 2 years have been rough. Always arguing about the littlest things. I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help. My first time back in our home with the kids. She told me she was talking to someone. Just talking. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I asked questions. She said she's talking to him on the phone for therapeutic purposes only. I asked if she gets happy when he calls and she said yes. Not sure what to make of that. Need advice please.



You can't be this stupid. She is in a relationship with this guy, what did you expect.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

When a woman is complaining at you for every little thing it means…..SURPRISE….. She doesn’t like you.

What did you seriously think might happen? If she is even remotely better looking than a shaved yak she can still pick up a guy easily.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Do men call women so they can be their therapists for free?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

SCDad01 said:


> Never heard of a side piece referred to has a “therapeutic” by a spouse before. That’s funny.


It’s a ‘hands on’ approach to therapy. It’s quite the rage.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

It makes not difference if she has been to bed with him or not , her heart is with him , your history


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I don't get why people think walking away is going to help. If you can't work on things together, how can you do it apart? 

What has been going on during this 2 months? Did you just abandon her or were you guys in contact or going to counseling and stuff? Were you giving others a trial run during this time too like she was?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rob78 said:


> She told me it's nothing like I think it is. He lives out of state. I mean, she didn't have to tell me about this. She has no friends and said she wanted to talk to an adult without arguing.


She need to talk to a female friend not a male. How did she find him?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Rob78 said:


> I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help.


Oh no. Not another one. We seem to have a rash of this at the moment.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Rob78 said:


> Wife and I been together for 11 years now. Past 2 years have been rough. Always arguing about the littlest things.


What happened 2 years ago.



Rob78 said:


> I moved out about 2 months ago to see if maybe not seeing each other so much would help.


Why did you think not seeing your spouse would solve anything? 



Marc878 said:


> *Never leave your home.*


Never abandon the marital home. Any attorney would tell you that is a bad idea.


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## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> She need to talk to a female friend not a male. How did she find him?


She wouldn't tell me how she found him


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Ask her how she would feel if you were talking to another woman. Bet she says she would be okay with it, whereas a faithful wife would say absolutely not.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sorry you’re here but most have been where you are. These things follow a typical pattern. That’s why they are called the cheater script.
Nothing special about your predicament except it’s happening to you.
The truth is harsh but what you’ve got facing you is much worse.
Indecision is a cheaters best friend and your worst enemy.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Rob78 said:


> She wouldn't tell me how she found him


What does it take for you to see what’s up?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Rob78 said:


> She told me it's nothing like I think it is. He lives out of state. I mean, she didn't have to tell me about this. She has no friends and said she wanted to talk to an adult without arguing.


Maybe....but it is also Classic cheater script....he is just a friend..... remember they are all just a friend until they are not


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## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> happened


I started my own business and began to work unlimited hours.


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## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

theloveofmylife said:


> I don't get why people think walking away is going to help. If you can't work on things together, how can you do it apart?
> 
> What has been going on during this 2 months? Did you just abandon her or were you guys in contact or going to counseling and stuff? Were you giving others a trial run during this time too like she was?


To be honest at first I was depressed. At home, not doing much. Til my friend, you know that friend that your wife doesn't like because he's crazy, yes. That friend visited me, slapped me twice and said, "Let's go!" I was able to have a couple of trial runs but still felt the same once I got home. I'm a family man.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Did you even bother checking your phone bill? That’ll tell you who he is, where he lives, how long this,has been going on, etc.
It won’t change anything but maybe enough to allow you to let her go. Save yourself first and foremost.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Rob78 said:


> She wouldn't tell me how she found him


For ****s sake man, then file for divorce. 
You have a right to know this information, and if she won’t tell you then she’s not a trustworthy, honest or safe partner.

also, she’s lying to you and you only know the tip of the iceberg.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

SCDad01 said:


> Ask her how she would feel if you were talking to another woman. Bet she says she would be okay with it, whereas a faithful wife would say absolutely not.


Of course she’ll say she would be OK with it, even if she wouldn’t be. That’s why the “how would you feel if I did X“ is never an effective tactic.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Find out who the guy is...And confront him.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Rob78 said:


> She told me it's nothing like I think it is. He lives out of state. I mean, she didn't have to tell me about this. She has no friends and said she wanted to talk to an adult without arguing.


Red flag, she told you out of guilt and also because this way she can talk to him and when you ask about it she can say that i told you about him...sorry but you are folling yourself


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

But nobody comments on the fact that the OP said : I had a couple trial runs ???

Let’s be very clear….. were you F’ing around on your wife or not ????


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> But nobody comments on the fact that the OP said : I had a couple trial runs.
> 
> Let’s be very clear….. we’re you F’ing around on your wife or not ????


And then says, "I'm a family man." Right.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Rob78 said:


> I was able to have a couple of trial runs but still felt the same once I got home.


You were able to? 

Okay, so you both cheated.



Rob78 said:


> I'm a family man.


One of these things is not like the other....


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Sorry buddy, but the separation had the typical result, your wife has moved on. During separation one spouse will always move on. Not only is she over you, but she has already found someone new. The question now is, do you want to play the pick me game and try to win her back?


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## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Sorry buddy, but the separation had the typical result, your wife has moved on. During separation one spouse will always move on. Not only is she over you, but she has already found someone new. The question now is, do you want to play the pick me game and try to win her back?


Nope. Too old for that game.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Rob78 said:


> Nope. Too old for that game.


It’s a dumb game that no one wins. No one should ever play it. If someone isn’t sure they want to be with you, f ‘em. 😉


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