# My hubby has failed me way tooo many time financially any advice?



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

First let me start that my husband and I will never leave one another, that option is not on the table. we made a commitment and we will honor it. 

Now to the nitty gritty, 

1. I stay home with our kids, he works full time making a median salary. We are considered according to the government as middle class (the government is a F**king joke) so we will never qualify for any kind of help. 

2. I started a degree I need to finish within five years, and he doesn't want me to do it right now because im home with the kids and he figures its what I should focus on. 

3. after we separated in 2011 I applied for Daycare help and after 2 years on the list I have finally been called to go to an appointment for the childcare so that I can finish my degree. 

He doesn't want me to do it because now we are together and inorder for me to qualify his income needs to be less. so yes basically I would be lying and usually I would never do it, but I am butt face tired of everyone around me getting away with murder and when we really need these services we don't qualify!! I feel hes is being admirable in his efforts and I appreciate it but he is a total ass with our money. 

I had to file bankruptcy because of his spending on my cards and pulling my arms behind my back to get him what he wants and basically he has no self control when it comes to money. now I have no credit, no job, and now no education because he wants me to do things the right way, but he wont get his s**t together and fix his habits!!

We have debt upto our EYEBALLS from when we separated (he came home with this debt and yes I checked it, it was mostly fast food and gas and clothing for himself). After a horrible car accident he used the little bit I got from my totaled car to finance a new V-6 that guzzles gas and a wonderful carpayment. then the stupidities like hd tv cable and internet, cell phones that cost double what they need to cost, and health insurance that is expensive and covers nothing, because I still have to foot the bill for deductibles, copays, and co-ins. Every paycheck we a broker than broke. There is only enough for him to buy his cigarettes (pack or 2 a day) and to get him to and from work. Yes, I can live with no cable, cell phone and the extras but he cant. I have paid off two credit cards for him since this past summer just by double paying every month and I am elated about making progress in that department. 

But im so sad and I honestly want to cry because I not sure how we would eat if I end the stipend. Like I said we are left with just enough for gas and cigarettes for himself. I asked him bluntly how he plans to feed our kids when I stop the stipend and he said we will figure it out. 

I DONT TRUST HIM. HE IS AN IRRESPONSIBLE MONEY MANAGER AND I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO FIGHT WITH HIM BECAUSE OF IT. 

I fell like the financial planner/advisor to a stupid a*s football player/celebrity who is blowing up more than he is worth just because his ego has the best of him. My husband is lost. He has no idea where he stands financially and makes these wonderful hallucinations of our life in his head. 

I am even sadder because im not sure I even want to ever finish my degree. I want to be a homemaker to be available to my family 24/7 and then to my grandbabies in the future. but I have to be realistic and know that this man will probably never get it together. No kick in the ass has been hard enough to get him off his high horse. 

I am so frustrated I want to cry and just lock myself away. We argue all the time about money and now he is using this against me because it isn't "right". MAny people in our situation may find a 2nd job but he wont. He wants me to stay home and shove it. 

but then when he gets a reminder he doesn't have the new gadget he tells me to get a job so that we can buy more s**t. so its a slap in the face to my job at home. The one I don't get paid for but the one I most proud of being able to do. WTF!!! I have an associates but I wanted more just incase. Just incase. Just incase. 

our options are as follows, don't pay the credit cards, sell the car and buy a used vehicle paid in full, and get rid of the extras just to keep up with the jones and that gives us just enough to feed our family. not only will he lose his good credit, we will not be able to buy our home even though that is like forever and a dream away. I been waiting for 7 years for that dream and im still sitting here waiting for him to get it together. But for him that isn't an option either. How the heck can I make him understand that money only goes so far and credit is not the answer. we need help but don't qualify otherwise. People commiting true fraud driving around in expensive cars and wearing more GOLD than you and I put together do it all the freakin time. My appt is this week so that will be when I have to either push ahead or decline the help altogether. I just want to get aahead and gives my kids a chance. 

ANY ADVICE??


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm wondering how you'd get away with it. For a while when my kids were little we qualified for benefits and I had to PROVE it. Paycheck stubs, tax returns, etc. They verified everything.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

yes I did have to prove it at the time of the application. I did qualify, and now two years later I am getting an appt. that's all. the appt where I will have to explain the new situation with all the new information. I know I wont qualify for it anyway but I will sit down with the person and give them all the new details, I just re-read the post and it sounds terrible... SORRY! I was in the heat of the moment writing the post after an argument with him. 

now for the other stuff. Does anyone empathize with our situation... we earn too much to qualify for anything and don't earn enough to help us get ahead... we are stuck in a rut. 

How can I help hubby see its time to shape up and get it together? he doesn't get the severity of this problem to our family. 

What else can I do here at home to help us out while I care for the kids. And please do not tell me to get a job, Im being real serious, In my area daycare is soooooo expensive that I would have to work two full time jobs just to make enough to pay for daycare and bring home extra money.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Cancel all credit cards and don't let him get any new ones. Put all the financial info in black and white and tell him to figure it out. Enlist the aid of his family and your spiritual adviser if you have one. Good luck.


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

I say let him figure it all out on his own, tell him all the bills are due and he needs to figure it out, as long as you keep rescuing him he has no reason to ever change. Also tell him to stop smoking his kids food money away (that is a true jerk that would chose smoking over his kids eating). Last you have to go to marriage counseling with a financial advisor. Your husband is a big child and you have allowed him to stay in this childlike state by not expecting him to grow up.


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## Boricha (Sep 29, 2013)

You have to take control. It is not all he's fault. You have to give him credit for at least providing for the family.

I am not too keen on people who file bankruptcy because they live a lifestyle they can't afford. It does sound like it was due to mostly your husband's bad spending habits.

I think you have to take control. It really is hard taking care of 3 kids but right now you need more funds coming in. Is it possible for you to work part-time at night when the kids are sleeping, or maybe on the weekends? Can family help? What you make can still make a difference. I'd put off school for now becuz it's very costly. That's a good idea for down the road.

Good luck!


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

Very close friend with almost the exact problem. She won't leave him either as she is committed and devoted to the marriage. A lot of counselling later and there is only menial or temporary change. Finances remain very strained but she was determined to offset all the debts by paying then all off herself (those that were in her name) and separate her finances from his. Some people just have to learn it the hard way because giving them endless grace means being victim to endless abuse. So there is no easy solution here. It's a long term one and one that will need to encourage trust to be rebuilt over many years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

If you are committed to the relationship then some tough love financially is in order. Pretty simple but often hard to do. 
Stop using credit cards. 
Put yourselves on a budget and stick to it.
Set reachable goals to erase the debt a payment at a time.


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