# Sexless Marriage - Need Advice



## Alice31 (Nov 6, 2009)

I've been married for 14 years. My husband says he loves me, our relationship is more like brother and sister instead of husband and wife. We spend most of our time together, go out to dinners, with friends, entertain at home, hardly ever fight, yet we haven't had sex for 2 years. I ask why, he says he's tired, stressed, I'm 50 and he's 51. Any suggestions?


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

From my own experience i know 'i'm too tired and stressed' is true, but that it also means he's too tired or stressed for something he doesn't enjoy so much (sex). 

Go back and think, when you were having sex and he liked it, what kind of attitude you had. Were you energetic, enthusiastic, flirty, fun?
How have you been lately compared to that? He's either bored or doesn't get the reaction he expects from you (which is usually enthusiasm and mystery = him not knowing from the start exactly how you are going to have sex even if he knows you for years), or he is starting to feel older and his mood dropped.

Don't take what i'm saying very seriously, if i were such an expert i wouldn't be on this forum  But hopefully it might help you figure out stuff. No questions = no answers.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Alice31 said:


> Any suggestions?


You have low self esteem.
Read my thread:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/4561-difference-between-men-women-who-go-off-sex.html


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

my wife and i are back into a dry spell now. for me its like some sort of cycle. when she is in a good mood for an extended period of time, she takes better care of herself and doesn't seem stressed..we have sex. when she gets frumpy, stressed, lets herself go and acts uninterested and not playful...we dry up

she has recently been diagnosed with a thyroid disorder and will begin treatment soon. i hope it clears up some of emotional roller coaster that we have been on.

as for your situation, it is not normal for an otherwise healthy man to not want sex from his wife unless there have been major changes in her appearance or demeaner that make her less attractive. it could be a health issue in his case too.


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## Alice31 (Nov 6, 2009)

Thanks for the help, here's a reply to some of the questions;

Things have changed for me, I've gained weight, and some of that is due to low self esteem, which was generated by his rejection of me (sexually). This is the second marriage for both of us. I'm a professional, happy most of the time, energetic, I do home improvements as my hobby, he restores vehicles as his, I always take a shower each morning, put on make-up and get dressed, I care about how I look, so I always make sure that I'm at my best. We go out on Friday nights, go dancing, and have a good time. But when I bring up sex he just smiles and lets it go.

I agreed to go to the doctor, they tested him and he has nothing medically that is impacting his ability, including his testostorine levels. He was given viaga (sample and script), but he put them in the cabinet and never took them.

When I try to talk about it, he evades the issue. When we go out with friends he's very possessive and gets jealous. So I don't get it. I'm at a loss.

It's like I said, brother and sister, we have fun together, talk, go places, but no sex. I'm too young to never have sex again!!!


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