# I'm treated like a 12 year old



## georgette (Jun 9, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 8 years now. We have 2 small children. He literally treats me like I am his child and not his wife. I am not allowed to talk on the phone or text when he is home so therefore I have very few friends left. The few that I do have left I am not allowed to go out with and hve lunch or just go shopping. He is very controlling and verbally abusive to me and the kids. I have tried and tried to make this work for the last 5 years for the sake of our children but have reached a breaking point and don't know which direction to turn.I feel very burdened and tired all of the time because I get no help with the housework or the kids. Do I stay in this marriage for the kids and try to go to some sort of counseling or just get out? I am very very torn over this because of my children.


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## thetruth (May 15, 2010)

sounds like he's living in the 1950s, you don't have to put up with that


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## sojo87 (Jun 9, 2010)

Try counseling. and if that doesnt work, get out.. before it gets physical.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

georgette said:


> I am not allowed to talk on the phone or text when he is home so therefore I have very few friends left. The few that I do have left I am not allowed to go out with and hve lunch or just go shopping.


He has controlling tendencies and you have submissive tendencies. You are obeying him as if you were a child. You're dialogue is submissive. he continues to exert his power over you, and escalate when he feels disobeyed (verbal abuse), because he's under the impression that he's within his rights. Do you apologize when he gets upset because you "disobeyed" him? Patterns like these are hard to break. 

why not start small by starting to do small things that you want to do, instead of obeying him? he might get verbally abusive, but you can draw some lines in the sand by learning to set boundaries: Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

I dont think you should walk away because i think you need to confront your own submissiveness. Otherwise you will leave this guy and find the same nut, different shell. Learn to stand up for yourself and communicate your needs even if he gets angry. Its not going to be pretty for many years. You're harboring a lot of anger and resentment, and he's under the impression that what he says goes. But i think with some hard work things can turn around.


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## georgette (Jun 9, 2010)

Blanca, I have tried to do little things here and there that I want to do but it just seems to make things worse. For instance, I went out to dinner with one of my friends that I work with and he fought with me for a month about it. The reason I am submissive to him is so he isn't yelling and screaming at me in front of the kids. I have told him that we need to go to counseling but he doesn't think that he has a problem. I just wish that I had some place to go that I could be safe with my kids.


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