# Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?



## pinkprincess

my husband has not or would not do this but i have a friend whos husband did this and i have thought it over and want your input.

If your husband payed an escort for sex for 1 hour would it be cheating? there is no eotional conection its just sex? but at the same time it is sex!!!!!


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## michzz

pinkprincess said:


> my husband has not or would not do this but i have a friend whos husband did this and i have thought it over and want your input.
> 
> If your husband payed an escort for sex for 1 hour would it be cheating? there is no eotional conection its just sex? but at the same time it is sex!!!!!


No need to think this out. 

It is cheating.


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## Therealbrighteyes

From my opinion?....it's the worst kind of cheating. Willing to risk a marriage, disease, family for nothing other than a common screw with a paid woman. Sorry, I think it is wrong and let me be clear, it is CHEATING AT THE HIGHEST ORDER!!!
For me, I'd actually feel better if there were feelings. At least I knew he was throwing away his marriage for something. With a prostitute, no. Wrong. 
Tell your friend to get tested and then get her in to counseling or martial arts classes. Either way, that jerk needs an ass kicking.


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## SimplyAmorous

For anyone who has any morals, it is adultery/cheating/betrayal of the sacred marraige bed. 

Curious How your friend -whose husband has done this- feels about it? Why he did it, if she knew the whole time or found out later. ??


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## Invictus

I'm thinking my opinion on this question may be very different than a lot of people, but I'd like to offer it to see what direction this post may take. I'm actually quite curious to hear the perspective of others.

The short answer to your question, in my view, is that it depends. Now, here's my long explanation for my short answer 

For me, any type of intimate behavior that is done in secret outside of a committed relationship is cheating, regardless of whether or not it is sexual/emotional in nature. Looking at porn, texting/chatting with other women/men, extramarital sex, or even close relationships with someone else, same sex or not, is cheating if it is done intentionally without your partner's knowledge or blessing.

However, if a couple agrees to any such behaviors and both partners are genuinely okay with them, then it is not cheating. Think about couples who swing. It is a lifestyle that a majority of people find offensive, but it really seems to work with some couples - because it is mutually beneficial and agreed upon by those specific couples.

Some other examples:

- A husband wants oral sex and his wife absolutely does not want to do that. They discuss their options and decide it is acceptable to both of them for him to get oral sex from an agreed upon source: NOT CHEATING. However, if he goes behind her back and gets it without her blessing or knowledge: CHEATING.

- A wife has a best girl friend whom she likes to confide in about every intimate detail of her life. The husband is aware of it and is perfectly fine with it: NOT CHEATING. However, if her husband asks her to limit the level of details she shares with her friend and the wife doesn't respect that: CHEATING.

- A husband develops a close friendship with a female other than his wife. The wife is aware of the friendship and feels completely comfortable with it. The husband conducts his friendship in the open and shares it with his wife: NOT CHEATING. However, if the husband carries on the friendship, regardless of whether or not it is perfectly innocent (no sex, attraction, etc...) with intentional secrecy or without his wife's knowledge or blessing: CHEATING.

- A wife is being flirted with by a male co-worker. She politely smiles and goes on with her day: NOT CHEATING. However, if she returns the flirtations and allows the co-worker to feel there is a genuine interest on her part: CHEATING.


I could keep going, but I imagine you get the idea of what I am trying to say. Whether or not something is cheating, in my opinion, depends more on the circumstances of the action, rather than the action itself. Was the action done knowing it was hurtful? Was the action intentionally hidden or lied about? Or was the action done out in the open with full permission? Was it done because there was no other option or with the best intentions? Etc.... Of course, there are going to be limitless gray areas here, but for the most part, it's not WHAT you are doing but HOW/WHY you are doing it.

I should probably clarify one other point so I don't get completely flamed.  I am not saying that couples in a relationship must, or are even able to, discuss and agree upon every possible thing either of them may ever do. That would most certainly be an impossible task. I'm just saying that if/when an agreement is made, it is only cheating if that agreement is violated. Otherwise, it is not, regardless of whether anyone else would be okay with the arrangement.


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## frank_little

pinkprincess said:


> my husband has not or would not do this but i have a friend whos husband did this and i have thought it over and want your input.
> 
> If your husband payed an escort for sex for 1 hour would it be cheating? there is no eotional conection its just sex? but at the same time it is sex!!!!!


IMO, it's cheating if the spouse doesn't know about it or approve of it. If the spouse is cool with it, then it's not cheating. Your post doesn't give enough information to make the determination, though I'm certain that 99%+ of wives would consider it cheating!

My basic take is that if you engage in an activity that you intentionally hide from your spouse, then you have cheated. This applies to gambling, drinking, sex, texting, flirting, etc.

EDIT: I see that Invictus wrote pretty much the same response, albeit it in a much more clear and well-explained manner!


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## greeneyeddolphin

Paying for sex is cheating, absolutely. Sex, paid for or unpaid for, is cheating, pure and simple, unless there is some prior agreement between the couple. 

A stripper...that is iffy. Personally, although I would not be thrilled about my boyfriend going to a strip club, I don't consider it cheating. If he paid the stripper for sex, then that would be different, but if all it is is her dancing in front of him, not cheating. Luckily for me, my boyfriend's opinion is he'd rather have sex with me than pay good money to look at what he can't have.


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## major misfit

What Invictus said.


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## jessi

I don't agree with cheating in any way and paying for it is still cheating, I do think that the emotional conncection that goes along with cheating is harder to take then a one time thing with no emotional involvement........
It hard to think about your spouse having sex but I think it's even harder to think that your spouse is having sex with someone they love.............that to me means more so it's harder to deal with.........
either way its cheating............


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## Gailie

I have to agree with Invictus. I used to go to strip clubs with my first husband - no big deal - but my second husband - no way would he want to do that. Honestly, if he would go pay someone for a BJ I would be all for it! lol Seriously though, it is something that varies within the couple and what is unacceptable with one couple is ok with another.


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## Nekko

In my views any kind of sex or sexual behavior with any other person of any sex, behind your partner's back(aka they don't know) is cheating. 

I am not really able to classify one as better, less or more cheating than the other. 

I do tend to have a slight bit more understanding for men and women who'd rather go pay for sex for one hour when their wives/husbands are ignoring their sexual needs for years and denying any form of lovemaking. That's because those men/women are generally more committed to their marriage and they try to at least avoid building up an emotional connection through an affair, risking their marriage altogether. But i can only see this as somewhat better when those people are already in a miserable, sexless marriage (aka not just because they feel like bedding another person and can't help it).


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## SimplyAmorous

Invictus said:


> Whether or not something is cheating, in my opinion, depends more on the circumstances of the action, rather than the action itself. Was the action done knowing it was hurtful? Was the action intentionally hidden or lied about? Or was the action done out in the open with full permission? Was it done because there was no other option or with the best intentions? Etc.... Of course, there are going to be limitless gray areas here, but for the most part, it's not WHAT you are doing but HOW/WHY you are doing it.
> 
> I should probably clarify one other point so I don't get completely flamed.  I am not saying that couples in a relationship must, or are even able to, discuss and agree upon every possible thing either of them may ever do. That would most certainly be an impossible task. I'm just saying that if/when an agreement is made, it is only cheating if that agreement is violated. Otherwise, it is not, regardless of whether anyone else would be okay with the arrangement.



I whole heartily agree with pretty much everything Invictus said in that post. :iagree: Not too many marraige partners would allow some of these things, but as each of us dance to our own drummer, some marraiges "agree" and openly dance to very different drums. 

I say, nothing wrong with that ! So long as they are honest before each other in ALL things.


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## Mom6547

pinkprincess said:


> my husband has not or would not do this but i have a friend whos husband did this and i have thought it over and want your input.
> 
> If your husband payed an escort for sex for 1 hour would it be cheating? there is no eotional conection its just sex? but at the same time it is sex!!!!!


It would be

- cheating
- exposing me to STD risk
- gross beyond my ability to endure.


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## Mom6547

Invictus said:


> However, if a couple agrees to any such behaviors and both partners are genuinely okay with them, then it is not cheating.


I had assumed that it was secret behind the back. I completely agree with Invictus.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

If its done behind the other spouses back - then YES.

If both parties have an agreement - then their answer would be NO (mine too).

I guess what I don't understand is if they do have an open marriage why is he paying for it anyway - he could find someone that would give it to him for free - seems like a waste of good money to me!


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## bilbo

Of course it is cheating! As Invictus states, anything done behind a committed one back is CHEATING. Doing it without the emotional connection is not as bad as with a connection though. 
A fully emotional affair without sex is worse than a fully sexual non emotional encounter in my book! Obviously the emotional one has had time to develop. The sexual one has fewer ties to it.


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## changehappens

I completely agree w/ with the post by Invictus; she hit the nail.


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## Kat777

pinkprincess said:


> my husband has not or would not do this but i have a friend whos husband did this and i have thought it over and want your input.
> 
> If your husband payed an escort for sex for 1 hour would it be cheating? there is no eotional conection its just sex? but at the same time it is sex!!!!!


i would say yes, having sex without the emotions is cheating, just as having the emotions without sex is.


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## GoFigure

Strippers are iffy too when there's direct contact, a private lapdance often produces an erection and eventually ejaculation.


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## Inara

YES


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## Mummamamama

No thru do not just Dan e in front of anybody anymore ... That's what most women still believe bcuz that's the myth that has been woven so as wives & significant others will be ok with it and so when they get caught they can say it was just a dance.


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## JukeboxHero

I'm not sure why this thread is still getting responses. How many times can we YES before it starts getting redundant. The ONLY time I would say it's even up for debate is if somehow the Wife and Husband established an agreement where she doesn't care at all and can't/doesn't want to have sex or they're both in an open marriage. If that were the case, I don't think the OP would need to make a post.

Which brings me to my next question. How is this something that isn't crystal-clear that one would have to make a post?


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## She'sStillGotIt

Mummamamama said:


> No thru do not just Dan e in front of anybody anymore ... That's what most women still believe bcuz that's the myth that has been woven so as wives & significant others will be ok with it and so when they get caught they can say it was just a dance.


What the holy ****?

One unintelligible post to this poster's name and they pull up a zombie thread from *2010*?


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## Young at Heart

Nothing from 2010 until a couple of days ago. Yes a zombie thread.


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