# Sex toy use in marriage



## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

Hi, this is my 1st post, so go easy on me 

Last July, my wife was browsing for lingerie on-line and decided to shop at Anne Summers, I thought this was a curious choice as you can buy lingerie from many stores and know full-well what Ann Summers is famous for. She bought some very basic undies PLUS a rather HOT outfit (which she has only worn twice since). I then sent her an email (I was at work) showing A.S. had (yet another) sale on and sent her a link for a a very pretty and sexy lingerie set (costing only £18 in the sell). She then later texted me saying she hoped I was happy as she had just spent £50 in the A.S. sale! I asked her what on and she said something to wear, something to watch and something to play with. When it was delivered she texted me to say it had arrived and I said I couldnt wait to see what she had ordered. She has only produced her thing to "play with" the once (a vibrator) for about 10 minutes and I have never seen the DVD she bought. I have gently urged her to reveal both a few times but she has made different excusses not to. When she produced the vibe, I said wow this looks like fun and when I asked her how it felt she said amazing, so I have always felt bothered why we havent had more fun with it and have NEVER watched the DVD.
I read an interesting but old thread on here which discussed why a women would buy and tell her husband she had a vibe but not use it with him (I know my wife uses it without me!!) but wondered what YOU think about this?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I went out and bought a nice corset/garter/stocking set for myself and then it took me a couple weeks to build up the courage to wear it for my hubby. Fear that he wouldn't be as 'impressed' with it as I hoped, maybe? Or fear that he will compare me to the women in Penthouse and find me lacking? I am also hesitant sometimes to say what I want, such as that we should use a toy or watch a film. Maybe because I am afraid he'll think I'm depraved? I dunno. All I know is I am more likely to suggest or do something racy when I have a glass or 3 of wine in me 

I know everyone says don't worry about it, he'll love it, do it, don't be afraid, but in the moment my own inhibitions speak louder than logic.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Maybe that's for her own private time?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I went out and bought a nice corset/garter/stocking set for myself and then it took me a couple weeks to build up the courage to wear it for my hubby. Fear that he wouldn't be as 'impressed' with it as I hoped, maybe? Or fear that he will compare me to the women in Penthouse and find me lacking? I am also hesitant sometimes to say what I want, such as that we should use a toy or watch a film. Maybe because I am afraid he'll think I'm depraved? I dunno. All I know is I am more likely to suggest or do something racy when I have a glass or 3 of wine in me
> 
> I know everyone says don't worry about it, he'll love it, do it, don't be afraid, but in the moment my own inhibitions speak louder than logic.


I'm the same way... I have to have a few drinks before i feel comfortable enough to carry out some of the crazy things I've thought about or my hubby has thought about doing during sex. Of course.. after doing it a bit tipsy or drunk a few times... I feel more comfortable doing it sober later on... because we've already done it...


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

121withTod said:


> Hi, this is my 1st post, so go easy on me
> 
> Last July, my wife was browsing for lingerie on-line and decided to shop at Anne Summers, I thought this was a curious choice as you can buy lingerie from many stores and know full-well what Ann Summers is famous for. She bought some very basic undies PLUS a rather HOT outfit (which she has only worn twice since). I then sent her an email (I was at work) showing A.S. had (yet another) sale on and sent her a link for a a very pretty and sexy lingerie set (costing only £18 in the sell). She then later texted me saying she hoped I was happy as she had just spent £50 in the A.S. sale! I asked her what on and she said something to wear, something to watch and something to play with. When it was delivered she texted me to say it had arrived and I said I couldnt wait to see what she had ordered. She has only produced her thing to "play with" the once (a vibrator) for about 10 minutes and I have never seen the DVD she bought. I have gently urged her to reveal both a few times but she has made different excusses not to. When she produced the vibe, I said wow this looks like fun and when I asked her how it felt she said amazing, so I have always felt bothered why we havent had more fun with it and have NEVER watched the DVD.
> I read an interesting but old thread on here which discussed why a women would buy and tell her husband she had a vibe but not use it with him (I know my wife uses it without me!!) but wondered what YOU think about this?


I had mine for years before finally having the courage to use it with my husband. (it involved alcohol). Do you know where she keeps it? Maybe you could bring it out one night?


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

She may be a little shy or a little embarrased.

My husband knows where I keep mine so he usually has it in the bed before I arrive.Sometimes he turns it on as I enter the room and says "its ready for you" lol!!!!

If you know where she has it maybe try to bring it to the party yourself and surprise her. It will only take once and I would think she will use it willingly after that.

Let her know it turns you on and she may be excited to bring it in.


I kinda felt the same way about a toy once.I was online buying a new vibe and while there I browsed around and saw a thing I wanted to add to our toys,it was not a vibe. I was a little embarrased about getting it although I wanted to try it. I made jokes to him that I bought a new toy,I think you will like to use it on me and then I would let it go and not bring it out. It took a few weeks and many dropped hints till he finally while having sex convinced me to get it. I did and we now use it often.


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## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I went out and bought a nice corset/garter/stocking set for myself and then it took me a couple weeks to build up the courage to wear it for my hubby. Fear that he wouldn't be as 'impressed' with it as I hoped, maybe? Or fear that he will compare me to the women in Penthouse and find me lacking? I am also hesitant sometimes to say what I want, such as that we should use a toy or watch a film. Maybe because I am afraid he'll think I'm depraved? I dunno. All I know is I am more likely to suggest or do something racy when I have a glass or 3 of wine in me
> 
> I know everyone says don't worry about it, he'll love it, do it, don't be afraid, but in the moment my own inhibitions speak louder than logic.



Thanks for your reply, I often thought some wine would relax her enough to play but once, I later discovered it was the wrong time of the month and other times the wine has made her too sleepy. I begin to get paranoid that she simply bought the vibe for herself but then wonder why she told me about it.


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## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Maybe that's for her own private time?



Maybe so but why tell me she bought it?
I get paranoid that she is "doing herself" while Im at work but think thats fine as long as Im not ignored when Im at home.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I think you she let you know in hopes you will take control and bring those items into play yourself. Try not asking her and just start using the vibe on her at an appropriate point in forplay. It will either work or not work. You won' know for sure until you try. 

In short I think she is trying to get you to think out of the box.


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## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I'm the same way... I have to have a few drinks before i feel comfortable enough to carry out some of the crazy things I've thought about or my hubby has thought about doing during sex. Of course.. after doing it a bit tipsy or drunk a few times... I feel more comfortable doing it sober later on... because we've already done it...



We had a sexy evening after we shared a bottle of wine and she said we should get the wine in more often.
I agreed and since then I have got a bottle in for no special reason other than to unwind at the end of the week but she has been quite reserved, only had a couple of glasses and not been particuarly playfull. Maybe I will just keep trying?


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## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> I had mine for years before finally having the courage to use it with my husband. (it involved alcohol). Do you know where she keeps it? Maybe you could bring it out one night?


Hi, yes I know where she keeps it, Id be a bit worried about upsetting her. I dont know if SHE knows that I know where it is and if she is nervous about using it together I dont want to put her on the spot. She also has some sexy novels (I was surprised by their graphic content!) They were left in plain view and 1) I was concerned that my kids 12 & 16 years old would find them (they are both really into books) and 2) I wondered if she left them out for me to find. I popped them out of view and then cheekily asked her if her current book was any good and she seemed quite defensive and just snapped yes. So approaching her about sex seems a little sensitive maybe?


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## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

I have just ordered a couple of vibrating c0ck rings, I bought some before and she liked them, so when they arrive maybe this will help break the ice.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your being to passive. next time you guys are going to fool around after kissing her deeply and telling her sweet nothings get up and confinfently get it out and say I'm going to rock your world.
if she balks just say you bought it and now were going to use it!

When I brought home a vib for us to use at first she was shy but I could tell excited at the same time. If she refuses and get pi$$y stop and say we need to talk.Explain that sex should be fun and exciting and her attitude is a mood killer then say when you want to have a real marriage where sex is an important part of connecting then let you know. finish by giving her a hug and telling her you love her but the tension and attitude she has about sex is really just not working.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

121withTod said:


> I have just ordered a couple of vibrating c0ck rings, I bought some before and she liked them, so when they arrive maybe this will help break the ice.


the best toy I ever bought was a £10 vibrating **** ring - seriously - like a damn volcano going off every time, for both of us!


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

My wife left the toy stage and moved on to a wand/massager. It can also be used on the back, legs, neck, and shoulders. It's very relaxing and isn't shaped like a penis, so not embarrassing to pull out.

Sometimes if she is sleeping I will hook it up and start massaging her, she will slowly open her thighs and invite the massager in. I am not sure if this type of openness will change her opinion on using a toy in front of you, but a massage isn't shaped like a penis and isn't really a toy. You are both mature adults, so purchase a massager and help her get more comfortable being comfortable in front of you.

These wands can make oral much harder/longer though because it spoils a woman. My tongue is quick, but not that quick.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

She just sounds self-conscious and embarrassed to me. With women like that I've found its good to share your own kinky desires or fantasies and get her to share hers; letting her know how much it turns you on.

Women who are open about their sexual interests are unbelievably sexy imo.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

121withTod said:


> I have just ordered a couple of vibrating c0ck rings, I bought some before and she liked them, so when they arrive maybe this will help break the ice.


Never tried that before but now plan to later on. Thanks for the idea!!


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

121withTod said:


> Thanks for your reply, I often thought some wine would relax her enough to play but once, I later discovered it was the wrong time of the month and other times the wine has made her too sleepy. I begin to get paranoid that she simply bought the vibe for herself but then wonder why she told me about it.


My guess is similar to everyone else on here - she's probably just timid about doing something like that in front on you. If she bought it for herself, than she wouldn't have told you. 
I wouldn't push on it anymore, you don't want to make it a major issue. Just wait to see if she brings it up, or one day when your being intimate and things start getting real hot, than bring it up. I know my wife, who is naturally inhibited about sex, is much more willing to try/do things once that fire starts going.


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## xena74 (May 5, 2012)

Most women are brought up thinking that masterbation is taboo, and can make us reserve about this subject. You have to talk about this at the right time with her. My Dh will have whatever toys right there waiting. He will always tell me how hot it makes him when he uses it on me. Assuring me that it is ok to be turned on by them too. I would find the dvd and watch it. Maybe there is something in it she has been dreaming about doing but doesn't have the courage to ask you for. 
The books may be graphic, but it's the romance part that keeps us ladies coming back. We craved the intamacy they have in those books. The way the men "want" the women. Not just the great sex. We want to be desired by our Dh and thats what those books have. We want a man to tell us how hot we look, or how much they love us. Women need a ego boost every now and then too!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> women who are open about their sexual interests are unbelievably sexy imo.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## rider (Jun 22, 2009)

Lots of great advice here. I would purchase and introduce my own toy in this situation.

Buy a hitachi magic wand like the other poster said. They are like an orgasm button for women. You can light some candles, give her a massage, then move south slow and gentle.

Magic wands are loud though, try a wahl massager with the white attachments. They are whisper quiet, dirt cheap, and almost as good.

Good luck, remember that the best part of introducing new things is the run up, so enjoy this pensive/nervous time. It builds good energy.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

mommyofthree said:


> She may be a little shy or a little embarrased.
> 
> My husband knows where I keep mine so he usually has it in the bed before I arrive.Sometimes he turns it on as I enter the room and says "its ready for you" lol!!!!
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Never tried that before but now plan to later on. Thanks for the idea!!



An update on the rings... Seems to have been a great idea, used both now on separate occasions and rather than just slip it on and go I also showed her what I bought to try and open the topic a bit and so there was no secrecy or anything hidden about it. The rings were different sizes and designs but she really seemed to enjoy them. :smthumbup:


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## 121withTod (May 3, 2012)

I would like both men and womens honest opinion on whether or not encouraging the use of a vibe is likely to reduce the interest the woman has for her OH. I have read some toy reviews with the blokes saying that their OH enjoyed it so much they felt replaced and womens reviews saying she had the best orgasm ever and some have gone on to say "who needs a bloke". I know a toy doesnt give kisses and cuddles when its finished but it still niggles in the back of my mind that I could regret encouraging it further although I have been very tempted recently.

Just out of interest what do you make of this?.....

Extreme FMS Dude Mega Masturbator - Male Sex Doll | Passion8

I'm not likely to get this but, Mmmmm.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

When the thought of being replaced comes up in my mind, I think about whether or not a device like a fleshlight or whatever would reduce my desire for the real thing.

Uh... no... and that's the end of that.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Maybe that's for her own private time?



:iagree: Nothing wrong with private time.


One of the best things my hubby ever did was order me a vibrator from Amazon.com when he was on a business trip.


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## boylesryan12 (Dec 3, 2012)

Anne Summers is a great lingerie brand signature! I’ve searched for much lingerie online and actually bought one for my wife and I’m glad she liked it.
__________________________
vibrator Philippines


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## Dulciean (Nov 18, 2012)

I bought some toys that I intended on sharing with my husband... Then talked myself out of it worrying about making him feel ' replaced' or somehow inadequate.
It seems I can only orgasm with my vibrator- I would much rather my husband be doing this for me ( with the vibrator ) but I feel too weird asking him to do this....


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Women who are open about their sexual interests are unbelievably sexy imo.


Hey, thanks for saying that. I'll try to keep that in mind.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Dulciean said:


> I bought some toys that I intended on sharing with my husband... Then talked myself out of it worrying about making him feel ' replaced' or somehow inadequate.
> It seems I can only orgasm with my vibrator- I would much rather my husband be doing this for me ( with the vibrator ) but I feel too weird asking him to do this....


I have to say it would feel weird to me too if she just pulled out a bunch of toys. It's odd, but it would kinda feel like an ambush... with an implied "I'm not being satisfied" message (which gets turned into, "I'm not doing a good job" in our heads). Different men will react to this differently. Some will take up the challenge, and others are likely to become angry or even withdraw. I know I lost interest in my wife over her never seeming to desire me, so I could see some men losing interest in someone who basically interpreted as saying they're bad in bed. I personally feel goofy using toys on a woman. I just don't find it sexy, but Ive kept that to myself and just go with it... at least as long as I feel she's doing things I enjoy that aren't great for her too. If its "use the toy" for her, and just standard intercourse for him... forget that. That would show just how much she devalues sex as mutual pleasure.

Its stupid, but I think its really all about the presentation. Don't just whip out a bunch of toys for him to use on you. Tell him you want to amp up your sex life. Go to an adult toy store and buy the toys you want him to use on you, but make sure to buy something for him... even if its just something like straps to tie you up with.

This changes the message from "you suck, use this toy"... to "let's be more kinky."

Protect the ego at all costs.


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## IsItme71 (Dec 9, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8, your right on!!!! as a man i am all about using toys to make things more "KINKY" OR OBVIOUSLY DO WHAT I CANT ALWAYS DO!!!! but i lso get off with this!!!! the ULTIMATE passage is that we BOTH Get OFf RIGHT!!!!! what ever it takes bye all means use it!!!! GET HERS-GeET YOURS what harm is that????


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