# Angry husband



## sailor1501

Hi everyone, I’ve been married for 3 years. I met this man online and took 2 years enough to know each other and convince my self to marry him, in 2016 I moved to the US for him and still working on docs to be able to work here.

In our early marriage I did a HUGE mistake (Cheated on him), but I am admit, I ask for forgiveness so now I am here taking responsibility and believe that he’s the one for me. However since we’ve been living together for the 1st year I start seeing him yelling, screaming at me if I do wrong. Of course international marriage is never been easy, dealing with immigration, communication and our background. But the thing is If he frustrates he’ll yell, screaming... 

we’ve tried to discuss it and he says he won’t do this anymore, somehow after his dad passed away, he also fight with his mom who has changed and doesn’t understand him at all. He then blaming her for things that brought him into a person like this now (he said)

During our living to each other, I found out that he doesn’t want to work, he’s chasing after his dream (which is I support him completely) however for how long he’s going to rely on his dad’s will..???
he doesn’t like to go out for something he doesn’t like to do, he’s very picky over food and he controls what I eat too. When angry, he intends saying that I wasted his time and his dad’s money dealing with a person like me.

It’s been our 3 years of marriage, we moved to a house that he bought from his dad’s will, but he’s getting worse, he’s blaming everything to me for screaming and crying so loud.. I’ve been hiding sh*t from my family and yes I did all that as my relief for what I can’t take anymore. I keep thinking to leave him and hitting my self when we fight because I hate my self for never be a good wife for him.

The worst part is, when he’s angry, he keeps telling me to leave the place where we live (if we live in an apt, he’ll tell me to leave and stay at his mom’s)

but now we’re living in a house, he told me to leave HIS house not our house it won’t be my house if I act crazy (crying, screaming) but this time, leave the house for a divorce. 

A week ago after we fight, he told me many times to not leave him ever... I know we both love each so much and I can’t give up on him, but

ALL THE TIME, I feel like my life is more sad than happy...

fyi, his parents got divorce for a marriage violence. Somehow his mom told me that he’s turning like his dad and its really scared me... What should I do ??? 

Yesterday I tried to help him move a desk to the house, somehow I hit the wall so hard and bend the medal inside the wall, he was super angry like hell, he yelled, screamed, call me names. He asked me to grab the paint and fix the wall without ANY MISTAKE AT ALL. right away I screamed at him “I hate you so much” then he starts telling to leave and pack my stuff for real. When I start packing my stuff, he’s going nuts, he pushed me to the floor but I hit him back. I just can’t hold anything with patience any longer, he grab a knife in front of me and things turn crazy and scared me like hell....

I finally ran out from the house to his mom’s house with Uber (I can’t drive) without telling him... 

At first, I always patience and stay at the house not telling anyone about this. But then he keeps threatening me by tell his mom, his aunt for how crazy I am. He’s calling his mom, or his sister to pick me up. But this time, I am really exhausted.. I am really thinking to leave this marriage though I do love him so much, but I also deserve to be happy right ? I wish to go to someone to help us and show him what’s not right to do... but I can’t, he doesn’t listen to anyone nor his mom. He doesn’t want to look for a conselour because it might be super expensive. We’ve been through a lot of bad things and we can’t fix this anymore only go to a marriage counselor I think it might be fix at the last try. So I believe I should leave for the sake of our happiness. 

I know it sounds like I am already making a decision, but I still open for advice. Much appreciate!


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## Steve2.0

He grabbed a knife? Wow.. you wrote alot and i didnt read it all, but that sentence alone speaks volumes. I would not live, or build a family, with such a person

Your husband will never change unless he decides he wants to and takes steps to do it... Clearly your yelling/fighting, or his mom's input is not triggering a change.


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## Tex X

Intimidation and fear are not good building blocks for a successful marriage. Ok - you cheated and that's on you. But that does not justify your husbands behavior. He laid his hands on you in anger, and pulled a knife on you? What kind of lunatic does that to the one they love? That alone should be a deal breaker for you. Consider yourself lucky that you only wasted 3 years with this man and leave now while you still can. You should be worried about your personal safety at this point.


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## sailor1501

Steve2.0 said:


> He grabbed a knife? Wow.. you wrote alot and i didnt read it all, but that sentence alone speaks volumes. I would not live, or build a family, with such a person
> 
> Your husband will never change unless he decides he wants to and takes steps to do it... Clearly your yelling/fighting, or his mom's input is not triggering a change.


He was holding knife and show me that he’s going to cut his hand if I’m leaving him... but I am also worried if somehow the knife will go into me accidentally


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## sailor1501

Tex X said:


> Intimidation and fear are not good building blocks for a successful marriage. Ok - you cheated and that's on you. But that does not justify your husbands behavior. He laid his hands on you in anger, and pulled a knife on you? What kind of lunatic does that to the one they love? That alone should be a deal breaker for you. Consider yourself lucky that you only wasted 3 years with this man and leave now while you still can. You should be worried about your personal safety at this point.


He wasn’t pull the knife on me instead he did it to his hand and ask me “am I really leaving him ?” Then I said yes, he even pull the knife more this his hand. But when I say no, he was like “repeat what you’ve said” then he go crazy and threat me again with pulling the knife into himself


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## Tex X

sailor1501 said:


> He wasn’t pull the knife on me instead he did it to his hand and ask me “am I really leaving him ?” Then I said yes, he even pull the knife more this his hand. But when I say no, he was like “repeat what you’ve said” then he go crazy and threat me again with pulling the knife into himself


Ok well that is just as bad. Someone threatening their own well being if you don't stay is highly abusive, and flat out emotional blackmail. If he hurts himself because you leave, that is not your responsibility. By staying b/c you're afraid he'll hurt himself, you are enabling his behavior, and you are allowing him to control you. It sounds like he needs professional help, and you are not the one that needs to carry this weight. I would leave ASAP and never look back.


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## EleGirl

You married an angry, mentally ill man.

The only sane choice here is for you to divorce him. You cannot fix him. 

Him pulling the knife and threatening to cut his hand is acutally an indirect threat to you. The message is that maybe, this time I might cut myself, but sooner or later I'll cut (kill) you.

If he ever threatens suicide again or to hurt himself or you, call 911. Get the police over there and have him removed from the home and get a restraining order.

BUT... you need to see a lawyer and get a divorce before he distroys you.


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