# All because he was jealous!



## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

H an I had another talk this weekend he told me that one of his reasons besides "I don't know" for the EA was because he was jealous that other couples got to spend time together like go out to bars, etc. I have been working on not being as mean when he tells me things that to me sound stupid for example that excuse of his jealousy of other couples but, really?! I wanted to blurt out how does going out with her fix your jealousy issue? But he would take it as getting his feelings rejected and dismissed.

I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshet in that "feeling" of his as mean as I may sound but I can't believe it. During his EA he would turn down dates with me on the excuse that we didn't have anyone suitable to watch our 2 yr old DD (a cousin of mine 14 yrs my aunt would be there supervising) he only wanted my mom to watch her but he knew she worked all day on Saturdays. I'm just frustrated with all of this. He has put so much blame on me for his EA and then he gets so upset when I trigger. Sports mainly football is a HUGE trigger for me because OW is from what I heard a freakin encyclopedia when it comes down to football. Also, after Dday when I asked him to go NC with her, he did his version which was only talking to her about sports instead of "stuff" because there was a weekly football thing that she was so conveniently in charge of so of course everything went thru her. 

Am I over reacting? Taking this thing too far? Dday was 9-26-11 and I still ask him about things from the EA.
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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

As one who cheated, I don't see it as you overreacting. You're letting him blameshift, and play you. NC means NC. There are no "versions" other than NO CONTACT.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

That's exactly what I had said and I decided to be there to enforce it myself so I joined him at work he is a truck driver so we go on trips with him. I am now the one that goes in the office to get the paperwork that OW fills out. I've been attempting to look for other companies to work for but have come up empty so far. 

When I try and call him in his blame shifting he says I'm rejecting his feelings and stops talking to me all together - that is where I'm stuck I have improved myself on listening to him an not pointing out that his feelings are wrong but I keep finding it harder to keep quiet when his feelings start sounding like the blame game!
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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Two scenarios

1)As bizarre as his excuse is, people do dumb**** for dumb reasons. It may sound unbelievable to you or me, but he may genuinely feel that way. He may have been emotionally distant from you at the time and didn't feel like being alone with you. 

Or

2) He's BS'ing. Like Hertoo said, he's blame shifting and you got to nip that nonsense right in the bud. He'll soon (or maybe already does) see himself as the victim. Don't let him get away with it if that the case.Tell him "_During your EA you would turn down dates with me on the excuse that we didn't have anyone suitable to watch our 2 yr old DD_......." and see what his response is.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I've tried the second scenario before in other situations and that's when he would say that I am not being sensitive to his feelings and then he will stop talking to me. As far fetched as the first scenario may be that does make sense. I'm just frustrated with him but I can't really show him that I am without offending him. Thank you both you have been helpful and have given me a different point of view.
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