# Co Parenting (current partner over it)



## brendan

Have been co parenting, well by that i mean i only have my daughter for 3 days out of 21 from my ex wife.

obviously had issues a long the way but my partner of the last 2 years has been great...till NOW.

she had a baby 3 weeks ago and everything has changed, she is so anti my other daughter or the drop offs/pick ups etc.

says its too stressful for her now and doesnt want it to affect our new born, she was so pissed off that my daughter met out son the first day he was born...

i loved it obviosuly, showing her,her new brother.
having a big talk tonight, i sense could be be post natal depression but taking everything out on my limited visitation with my daughter,
its a tough one.


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## JustTired

Pay close attention & from this point on don't leave your daughter with her alone. I'm not saying that your GF will hurt your daughter but it is apparent that your daughter's presence is annoying your new GF. 

It could be PPD (Post Partem Depression) or it could just be now that she has her own baby she doesn't feel as connected to your daughter. Oh & the bit about your daughter affecting the new baby....ummmm that is a crock of $hit. New born babies don't care who holds them or cuddles them, they just simply like it.

Give your new GF time to bond & get herself in a new routine with the baby. But still keep a watchful eye on how she interacts with your daughter & how she speaks about her. Because that negative talk about your daughter needs to stop...


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## Anon Pink

brendan said:


> Have been co parenting, well by that i mean i only have my daughter for 3 days out of 21 from my ex wife.
> 
> obviously had issues a long the way but my partner of the last 2 years has been great...till NOW.
> 
> she had a baby 3 weeks ago and everything has changed, she is so anti my other daughter or the drop offs/pick ups etc.
> 
> says its too stressful for her now and doesnt want it to affect our new born, she was so pissed off that my daughter met out son the first day he was born...
> 
> i loved it obviosuly, showing her,her new brother.
> having a big talk tonight, i sense could be be post natal depression but taking everything out on my limited visitation with my daughter,
> its a tough one.



This is inexcusable! That little girl is YOUR daughter and you will NOT allow your current partner, nor any future partner to marginalize ANY of your children away from their rightful place in your life!

This attitude from your current partner is a deal breaker.

However, if this is a complete 180 from her attitude toward your daughter before she gave birth, it likely is some hormonal chemical imbalance such as PPD as you've mentioned.

Lastly, stop having kids with women you're not married to!


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## Pluto2

This is an irrational reaction, IMO. She's asking you to pick one child over the other. Nope. Don't, ever. Be a good father to both.


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## JustTired

Anon Pink said:


> This is inexcusable! That little girl is YOUR daughter and you will NOT allow your current partner, nor any future partner to marginalize ANY of your children away from their rightful place in your life!
> 
> This attitude from your current partner is a deal breaker.
> 
> However, if this is a complete 180 from her attitude toward your daughter before she gave birth, it likely is some hormonal chemical imbalance such as PPD as you've mentioned.
> 
> Lastly, stop having kids with women you're not married to!


:iagree:

This 100%...


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## *LittleDeer*

Her attitude is not OK. Your daughter needs to be just as important as the new baby.

Ask your GF how she would feel if the new baby you had with her was so easily disposable or replaced. 

A good man stands up for his children and does the right thing by them.


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## JustTired

Oh & just for the record....I am a step mom & I NEVER felt that my step sons were in the way when I had my daughter. I let them hold my daughter while sitting on the couch, I let them rock her in her swing, I even let them feed her with the bottle (I supervised everything). They loved feeling helpful & they were quite helpful too....my step sons were the first to tell me when the baby needed her diaper changed too! ;-)

The point I am trying to make is that your GF's attitude toward your older daughter is horrendous & inexcusable. Pay close attention & be prepared to jump to your daughter's defense...the little girl hasn't done anything wrong.


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## John Lee

Her attitude is wrong, but I would give it time and meanwhile be extra-attentive to and protective of your daughter. The time of a new birth is tough for a mother, and this may pass.


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## frusdil

Your partners attitude and behaviour is inexcusable.

Why would your daughter not meet your new baby son the day he was born? He is her baby brother! Wtf???

I'm a step mum too, and I love my (step) daughter as my own. 

I hope it is PND - because that is the ONLY excuse for your gf's disgusting behaviour.


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## brendan

yes i wasnt happy with the "i dont want your daughter to meet our son" for a week.

" i want it to be special for us and for you to conentrate on the new born and not your daughter"

wasnt happy,

she use to be so supportive, now she isnt the last 3 weeks.
she hates the drop offs as i have to see my ex wife for one minute and everynow and then their are arguments etc.


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## brendan

anyway, had a big talk last night and i said....don talk to me like crap as you have been, i will contunue to have my daughter 3 days every 3 weeks,
i understand its hard as i remember once i was in a relationship with a girl for 4 months who had a 7y.o boy...he was cool but at times he did get to me, but thats no excuse.


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## John Lee

So this is your partner's first child, right? The reality is there's how a person "should" act and feel and how they actually do. Maybe she always imagined her children as being this special thing just between her and her husband/partner, but now reality hit her that you already have a child that is not hers, and in this sensitive time it's causing her some difficulty and resentment. I think many people in her position would feel that way even if most would not act on it. The best thing to do is to remain calm but firm about it, don't blow up at her, just maintain that you love her and your baby, but that your daughter will always be your daughter and that this baby is her brother, and that it's important to you that they have a relationship with each other.


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## frusdil

John Lee said:


> So this is your partner's first child, right? The reality is there's how a person "should" act and feel and how they actually do. Maybe she always imagined her children as being this special thing just between her and her husband/partner, but now reality hit her that you already have a child that is not hers, and in this sensitive time it's causing her some difficulty and resentment. I think many people in her position would feel that way even if most would not act on it. The best thing to do is to remain calm but firm about it, don't blow up at her, just maintain that you love her and your baby, but that your daughter will always be your daughter and that this baby is her brother, and that it's important to you that they have a relationship with each other.


If that's how she felt she shouldn't have got involved with someone with a child. I have no bio children, our daughter is my family just as much as she's hubby's.

Any children we have will be her brothers/sisters, there will be no "half" anything. 

As for this "I just want to focus on "our" family, without "your daughter" crap - my (step) daughter IS my family. We are a family. Different to her and her bio parents, but still a family. Our family isn't complete unless she's here.


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## lifeistooshort

frusdil said:


> If that's how she felt she shouldn't have got involved with someone with a child. I have no bio children, our daughter is my family just as much as she's hubby's.
> 
> Any children we have will be her brothers/sisters, there will be no "half" anything.
> 
> As for this "I just want to focus on "our" family, without "your daughter" crap - my (step) daughter IS my family. We are a family. Different to her and her bio parents, but still a family. Our family isn't complete unless she's here.



I agree with you in theory but I think john is onto something. I'll admit that I felt a little like this with my first, ex already had one and I never really felt all that special to him. Immature reaction? Maybe, but i was 25 and looking back I shouldn't have married someone with kids, but that's how I felt. I wasn't mean to his son or anything and I certainly didn't mind him meeting his half brother, and he was a nice kid. But I did feel that he'd been there, done that. Maybe my ex was just an arse, he never made me feel special much at all.

And keep in mind she isn't a wife, she's a gf, so that may be further contributing to her feeling like she's not quite as special. In the strictest sense they're not a family, she's a gf he knocked up that he may or may not be committed to long term. That's the problem with knocking up gf's before you decide where you're going long term. It's fine to proclaim she should grow up but it's not going to solve anything. And based on his other thread she has severe pp depression as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovesmanis

Anon Pink said:


> This is inexcusable! That little girl is YOUR daughter and you will NOT allow your current partner, nor any future partner to marginalize ANY of your children away from their rightful place in your life!
> 
> 
> 
> This attitude from your current partner is a deal breaker.
> 
> 
> 
> However, if this is a complete 180 from her attitude toward your daughter before she gave birth, it likely is some hormonal chemical imbalance such as PPD as you've mentioned.
> 
> 
> 
> Lastly, stop having kids with women you're not married to!



Shut the **** up.

The woman just gave birth and is hormonal.

Your opinion is a load of ****.


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## brendan

yes she is very hormonal obviously with a baby with colic.....
however trying to organise weekends away in the coming months when WE DONT HAVE HERE, hurts me.

i have her every three weeks, what is the problem with the whole family going away for the weekend on that weekend.

she wants our next weekend away, just me/her and our new born.
worries me.


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## turnera

I see both sides (but not her rude reaction). She has grown up with a fairy tale image of what her life would be like with HER husband and HER child. She thought she could handle the other kid in that image, but it turns out her 'image' is way more important to her than she thought. Many females are like this - the perfect prom, the perfect wedding, the perfect childbirth, the smiling and adoring family and friends who shower you with attention and smiles...I get it. 

It's possible that you could give her just ONE time where it's just the three of you, but you'd have to make it clear it's the ONLY time you will do this, as you will not be avoiding your own daughter. Although I don't understand why the three of you can't just go away a different weekend than the one you're supposed to have your daughter.

But it's not sustainable. 

This is MC material. Do NOT do this without a therapist.


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## brendan

spot on turnera.
another talk last night.

Even though we have been together for neally 2 years yes she had the fairy tale story,
husband before baby
husband not to have been married before or have a child.
happy helthy baby that hardly cries etc
get married.

at the moment she has, Me who has been with her 22 months but married for a couple of yrs before that, a little boy with me, we are engaged YET, and a colicy baby.

all getting to her, i say to her if u wanted all this like a fairytale, why did u get with me when u knew i was married and had a daughter etc and there was custody issues, then have a child with me out of wedlock which ur against,

she said cos she loves me and wants to be with me forever and have a family with me....


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## turnera

Like I said, MC time.


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## brendan

i think you are right turnera (sad)
she blew up last night and absolutely LOST the plot.

My moother who lives in the same town as my daughter that i rarely see is coming down to our house this week, we live 4 hours away.

I said to my partner, Should we ask her if she wants to bring DD?
and WOW, she went crazy,

saying, i only think about my DD that i only see (now 10 days a school term), i cancelled the every third weekend for my current partner who is struggling)

said, im a bad dad etc....anyway i booked into counnselling for next week.

since our son was born she has totally gone cold on me havng a daughter, and is jealous of ex wife and that i do have to tet her like once every month for a drop off/pick up.


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## turnera

You can't fix this. Only a professional can.


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## frusdil

brendan said:


> i cancelled the every third weekend for my current partner who is struggling)


BIG mistake. You should not have done that OP. What message does that send your dear little daughter?

Get those visits happening again asap, if your gf really can't cope, take your little one out for the day and do something special with her but you CANNOT not see her. That is very damaging to your daughter.


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## brendan

it was a tough decision but i did it for my CURRENT partner and our she still isnt happy.


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## turnera

brendan said:


> it was a tough decision but i did it for my CURRENT partner and our she still isn't happy.


Imagine that. You showed her that you are weak and willing to give up your own child to please her - no woman wants or respects that.


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## brendan

She was sick of every third weekend visitations, my ex wife cancelling on them on occasions and then abusing my current partner and telling her to stay away from DD,
gone on for 2 years and she is over it.


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## turnera

SO WHAT?

This is about YOUR CHILD.

Is your sexual contentment more important than helping to raise YOUR CHILD?!


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## ariel_angel77

You have got to be kidding me. Did you seriously cancel third weekend visits for a woman? A WOMAN? Wow. I really can't comprehend how you could possibly ever think that could be even remotely okay. Soon you'll be just like my dad, who refuses to even talk to me except for once in a blue moon. I haven't seen him in over two years and he hasn't met MY DAUGHTER. All because his (FOURTH) wife doesn't like me.

I have no sympathy for a man who chooses a women over his daughter. You have NO idea what you are doing to your daughter. She will have lifetime issues--self esteem and issues with a dating and even married life in the future because of you choosing your SO over her. Which is exactly what you are doing.

I feel so bad for your daughter. Poor thing. Her own parent, the one person who is actually supposed to want her around in life, would rather have some woman around. He cares more about his love life than her. It's really heartbreaking to me.


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## frusdil

brendan said:


> She was sick of every third weekend visitations, my ex wife cancelling on them on occasions and then abusing my current partner and telling her to stay away from DD,
> gone on for 2 years and she is over it.


In your ex wife's defence, given the way your gf treats your daughter, maybe she has a point?


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## brendan

frusdil: what r u on about, we would drive 2 to 3 hours to get texts from ex wife saying...."we can get thucked, we e not having her"......

what r u on about how my current gf treats my daughter, she treates her better than her own mother does.

areil angle 77: me and current partner have tried and tried and tried for visitation, we get every 3 weeks....then ex wife abuses my current partner in front of daughter time and time again.

I have not chose A WOMAN over daughter, i have thought for her fr 2 yrs....with constant crap from a crazy ex wife, who is jealous of my partner.

WHAT MOTHER, in her right mind.....will not let a partner of 2 years see my daughter when its MY time......a crazy psycho one.
demands its me and DD and thats it, which is crap.


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## turnera

Sounds like you should have made better use of a lawyer. That's what they're there for.


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## *LittleDeer*

brendan said:


> frusdil: what r u on about, we would drive 2 to 3 hours to get texts from ex wife saying...."we can get thucked, we e not having her"......
> 
> what r u on about how my current gf treats my daughter, she treates her better than her own mother does.
> 
> areil angle 77: me and current partner have tried and tried and tried for visitation, we get every 3 weeks....then ex wife abuses my current partner in front of daughter time and time again.
> 
> I have not chose A WOMAN over daughter, i have thought for her fr 2 yrs....with constant crap from a crazy ex wife, who is jealous of my partner.
> 
> WHAT MOTHER, in her right mind.....will not let a partner of 2 years see my daughter when its MY time......a crazy psycho one.
> demands its me and DD and thats it, which is crap.


Firstly, get a lawyer. Your child should be of primary concern, so save up if need be. Just get one. 

Ask for an email address for your ex. Put everything in writing. Be calm, talk about your daughters best interest and ask for a schedule. 

You don't ever cancel. There should be no need to cancel. Your ex can't cancel being a mum when she feels like it. Don't you ever cancel your dad time with her. Every three weeks is very little time. 

My current partner lives two hours away from his son and has him every second weekend and also starts work later on the Monday so we can have him for three nights instead of two. We also never ever cancel. 

If by chance we do have something like a wedding on we organise a baby sitter. We do not ditch his son, he's our responsibility. 

You are showing your current partner that she can walk all over you. That you are not a string person, that you are weak and easily influenced. Get some boundaries and say no.

As for your ex abusing your current partner, meet somewhere public like Mcdonalds. Walk over to your ex alone. No need for your new partner to be right next to you. 

Also if you cancel on your own daughter and reduce visitation your ex won't respect you, she will most likely think you don't care about your daughter and she will be (rightfully) angry about what you are doing to your daughter.


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## frusdil

brendan said:


> frusdil: what r u on about, we would drive 2 to 3 hours to get texts from ex wife saying...."we can get thucked, we e not having her"......
> 
> what r u on about how my current gf treats my daughter, she treates her better than her own mother does.


You didn't tell us before that you drove 2-3 hours to get your daughter. That puts a different spin on things, obviously.

I beg to differ that your gf treats your daughter better than her mother, given that she doesn't consider your daughter family.

You need to get a lawyer and probably return to court and get parenting orders in place, then your ex cannot argue or dictate what happens and when.


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