# Update......me



## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Since moving to DC I have been doing what it takes to divest myself from my STBEW. I now share guardianship with her sister (the one I like) and have separated her stuff from mine and split up the stuff we have gotten together. The finances were relatively easy as we had a pre-nup. Wife is still in intensive therapy, but her Doc says that with medication, she will be able to resume an independent life-style within two or three months. She has accepted that we aren't going to get back together, and is guilt ridden and remorseful (as she should be), but has told me that she wants at least friendship, and is very grateful that I stood by her during her mental problems. I have had a few dinner dates with other women, but haven't "done the deed", yet with any of them. There is one particular Lady I am thinking would be a nice FWB, but I won't do anything until we are legally separated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sure this had been hard. But it sounds like you are moving on and making a life for yourself.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I'm sure this had been hard. But it sounds like you are moving on and making a life for yourself.


I guess that it sounds like I'm not sympathetic to her, but when I finally reached a decision about the divorce, I began to disassociate myself from her romantically. I will still support her struggle for emotional health, but only as a friend. It's very liberating to finally put the marriage in the past tense, and look to the future, knowing that I did my best for her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I don't think it sounds like you are not sympathetic to her. When I read your op above my original take was that you were supportive of her. Clearly it's important that you take care of yourself. So don't feel guilty for doing that. 

You are doing well and are on the right path.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't think you are unsympathetic at all.

You have in fact gone way above and beyond in the situation.

If anything, you've maybe made it worse for her down the road - because frankly there won't ever be another man in her life that can measure up to what you've done for her.

So she's is forever going to be living with the fact that any other guy is going to a lesser second place choice.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Not sympathetic? Hardly. You have gone above and beyond given what you've been through. I daresay most men would have walked away a long time ago. Your compassion is quite evident in all you've done.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Thanks friends, I really have tried to do the best I could for her, even though I can't reconcile. I don't wish her any ill, but to be healthy enough in her mind that she will be able to have a bright future , with somebody else.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think separating was the best decision you could make for you and your wife. I say it with the best of intentions and I could be wrong, but I don't think reconciliation would have worked for you.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> I think separating was the best decision you could make for you and your wife. I say it with the best of intentions and I could be wrong, but I don't think reconciliation would have worked for you.


I agree. Dealing with the aftermath of her affair, her mental health, my trust issues, and try ing to remake a marriage is simply too much for two people to endure. Even with the best possible intentions on my part, and total remorse on her part. The love simply isn't there anymore. I look at her like a weak dependent, instead of a life partner. She looks at me as a substitute father figure, and we all know where that got us.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You deserve a medal my friend.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> You deserve a medal my friend.


He deserves a medal in many ways not just for how he is handling this crisis.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> She looks at me as a substitute father figure, and we all know where that got us.


No, she did not. If she did.. I'll stop here


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> No, she did not. If she did.. I'll stop here


You're right!!


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

No, I don't deserve any medals, I've got a few in the closet on my blues. What I deserve is a better wife than I had, and eventually I will find one. BTW, my first wife called and said that I could come over and spend the night with her, if I ever got lonely. Just shows you how horny I am , that for a few minutes I considered it. LOL


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Just as long as you're not the OM, an occasional booty call with the ex shouldn't hurt unless you get sucked back into it.


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