# A quick hello



## Maxheadroom (Dec 27, 2020)

Hello all. I am new to things like this so I will probably fumble my way around for a bit trying to figure things out. But the main reason why I am here (probably like everyone else) is to gain some guidance concerning my marriage. We have been married since 2017 and been together since 2013. Like most relationships, in the beginning, things were great! We would go out and do things together. Our sex life was very active and spontaneous. She would tell me about how she got herself off that day and that she orgasmed 5 times... She would send me "fun" pics out of the blue...

Fast forward to 2020... We are a few years older...(I am 47 she is 41). We are both a little bigger than we used to be. And in my case, not everything works like it used to . We still go out and do things together. We still talk a lot. We still have a great relationship and she is my best friend. But that seems like where it may be heading... it feels more like I have a friend instead of a wife at times since our sex life has become virtually nonexistent. 

Since she has gained some weight and is not happy with herself and her appearance (I am still very attracted to her). But couple the fact that she is not happy with herself and my parts don't work like they used to, her self-consciousness and anxiety are very high. And because of these issues, she has lost almost all interest in sex. She has told me that at this point she has no interest in sex at all. Not even to masturbate. Once a month or so she will give me handy or a bj... If I am really lucky we may even have intercourse. But this is once a month or less. And as she has said, "only to keep me happy". I have tried talking to her about it. Telling her that I am still very much attracted to her. I have obtained an rx for pills to help with "my issue"... But it doesn't go anywhere. She tells me that nothing I say will change her mind on how she sees or feels about herself. Or that she is happy to know that the only reason why I am here is "so I have somewhere to stick my ****" or "someone to ****"... I have told her that sex isn't the only thing that is on my mind... But I did tell her that I felt like sex is an important part of a healthy marriage. She of course disagreed. So I am hoping to contact and hear from other people that may have been through the same or a similar situation and what the outcome was. 

Anyway, that is my situation in a nutshell and why I am here...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Can you both get into healthy eating and exercising together?


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## Maxheadroom (Dec 27, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Can you both get into healthy eating and exercising together?


We have talked about it over the last few months. But decided that it would be rather difficult to do over the holidays. So we are planning on trying to make some changes after the new year.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Maxheadroom said:


> We have talked about it over the last few months. But decided that it would be rather difficult to do over the holidays. So we are planning on trying to make some changes after the new year.


Sounds good. I bet you would both feel a lot more healthy and happy if you lost that weight. Not easy I know.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Go on walks together.

Start with frequent and short ones.

Build up to fast ones.

Lastly, do long ones in the wilderness.
Bring food and water, a map and a compass and maybe _coconut oil _for slipping into tight spots.
Bring baby wipes.

Wear comfortable shoes!!

A cellphone with Maps would be great for not getting lost.
Make these walks an all day _affair_.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Well the good thing here is she already gave you a couple reasons why you’re not having sex.

I think you should start getting in shape. Waiting because of “the holidays” is a poor excuse you need to move from words into actions. If you prepare meals you can start by simply preparing or serving less of the same dishes. If you drink sugar or alcohol, just stop. If you can’t stop then drink less. 

Do something small for exercise. I started with my wife by making a commitment to walk 2500 steps minimum a day with her and we both keep track of it.

Your particular issues are different than mine but I think there is still value in picking up “The Married Man’s Sex Life Primer” by Athol Kay.

Not sure what to do about your wife’s body issues as my wife (rightly IMO) doesn’t have these issues but the book “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski has a lot of writing on this. My wife has been chipping away at the audio book for a while; if you can get her to read it it’s possible it will help.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I think you both may benefit from Marriage counseling. You wife needs to understand that sex between the married couple creates and continues to create an emotional bond between you.


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