# My wife hates giving and receiving oral. How common is this?



## Victor_1992 (Sep 30, 2017)

Before I met my wife, every woman I had ever been with loved receiving oral sex, which was great because it is honestly my favorite part of having sex. It also worked out well because I can have stamina issues. I was always able to make sure they orgasmed before we even started having sex, so anything that happened during was a bonus. When it came to giving oral, one of them was really unique. She actually would orgasm just from giving me oral and sometimes would prefer this to actually having sex. The rest had a more common attitude towards it. They didn’t really get much physical enjoyment from it, but liked giving it because they knew how much I loved it. So it was a pretty common act during foreplay and then on occasion take it to completion rather than actually having sex.

My wife, however, has always had major hang ups with both giving and receiving. She had a few week span at the very end of her pregnancy and after giving birth were she was super horny all of the time. The last two weeks of her pregnancy, she couldn’t get enough of me going down on her. And in the couple weeks after she gave birth but before we could have sex, she gave me oral a few times. But other than this small span where her hormones were out of wack, there’s been nothing. Maybe two or three times a year, she’ll give me oral for 15-20 seconds tops as part of foreplay. And twice in the last 11 years she gave me oral to completion. 

She hates receiving oral even more. She is actually repulsed by it. There was one time in the last 11 years where for some reason all of the stars aligned and she let me go down on her and enjoyed it, and there was the brief period while she was pregnant where she loved it, but other than that she thinks it disgusting. Normally when we have sex, we lay a towel on the bed to avoid getting a wet spot on the sheets. Well a few weeks ago she seemed pretty horny and was telling me about how she shaved for me and how smooth she was. She was already naked laying on her back in bed so she arched her waist up towards me so I could slide the towel under her. When she did this it pretty much thrust her vagina right towards my face. I was so worked up I couldn’t help myself and kissed her on the vagina. I’m not talking about giving her oral, there was no tongue involved. It was literally just a quick kiss on her outer lips. She made me get out of bed, wash my face and brush my teeth just so we could have sex and wouldn’t kiss me the rest of the day. Needless to say, this was a mood killer. She told me it’s not me, she has never enjoyed receiving oral.

Now, I know this is never going to change, it is what it is. My question is how common is this attitude? Like I said, I’ve never encountered anyone with this attitude before so I’m wondering if it’s more common than I think and I’ve just gotten lucky in the past. Or is my wife is one of the few that feels this way?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

It does not matter if the behavior is common or unique. This is how your wife feels. If she agrees with you that it is a problem, she will need therapy to improve the situation. If she does not, the problem is all yours. You'll have to decide if oral sex is something you can live without. If so, make the best of what you have. If not, walk.

You married her knowing this was how she felt. Why did you do that?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I also agree that it doesn't matter how common it is. Thank you for not saying "normal". But to answer your question, based on my reading of this and one other forum, there are plenty of people who feel this way about Oral. I wouldn't hazard a guess about the percentages. People who hate oral, think that everyone hates oral. people who love oral think that everyone loves oral. Then of course there are those that only like receiving.

In summary, it doesn't matter whether or not it is common, since you are not having sex with a significant sampling of the population. Any attempt to use logic to predict or influence this behavior is likely (positive) to fail.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## Victor_1992 (Sep 30, 2017)

Mr. Nail said:


> I also agree that it doesn't matter how common it is. Thank you for not saying "normal". But to answer your question, based on my reading of this and one other forum, there are plenty of people who feel this way about Oral. I wouldn't hazard a guess about the percentages. People who hate oral, think that everyone hates oral. people who love oral think that everyone loves oral. Then of course there are those that only like receiving.
> 
> In summary, it doesn't matter whether or not it is common, since you are not having sex with a significant sampling of the population. Any attempt to use logic to predict or influence this behavior is likely (positive) to fail.


I intentionally used the word "common" instead of "normal" because I didn't want it to sound like she was abnormal for not liking it.

And I agree that it doesn't matter what the majority likes, the only thing that matters it what she likes. I also agree that people tend to believe that everyone thinks the same way I do. This was just more a matter of my curiosity. 

The main reason I asked is that, based on my personal history, everyone enjoys receiving oral sex. If she didn't like giving it, I could understand. But the fact that she despises receiving it is what throws me for a loop. 

Like, I understand that anal is a touchy matter. Some women like it, some women are disgusted by the thought of it. My wife falls in the latter group, she warned me early on to not even bring it up. Since I knew that this wasn't uncommon, I didn't even give it a second thought.

But because my past said that all women love receiving oral, I was just curious if this is common or if my past girlfriends gave me a false impression.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Tell her that this s something you greatly enjoy and something she totally hates and that you are both sexually incompatible and have to work on it. 
She can come around to it, it is not something that she will hate if she begins doing it regularly unless she has some traumatic abusive experience in her past that prevents it, and even that can be overcome. Ask her to work on it with you.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't know how common it is, but my wife really likes receiving - though generally as a warm-up, not to O (where she wants / needs a vibrator). She won't do it for me - thinks BJs are disgusting and degrading. (Has done it a a little a few times - but obviously hates it and is very limited in how much she will do, so I don't accept those offers anymore. ).


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

The more turned on a person is the less that seems gross to them. That's why she was OK with oral when she was super horny. You see it all the time in the infidelity stories too where women will do far more with their exciting lovers than their boring husbands. So your goal should be to get your wife turned on to the point that anything is OK with her. Start by getting into great shape, excel at your career, become outgoing and develop a social circle, and develop your inner confidence (this helps in life as well as in bed).


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Victor_1992 said:


> I intentionally used the word "common" instead of "normal" because I didn't want it to sound like she was abnormal for not liking it.
> 
> And I agree that it doesn't matter what the majority likes, the only thing that matters it what she likes. I also agree that people tend to believe that everyone thinks the same way I do. This was just more a matter of my curiosity.
> 
> ...


If when your relationship started you told her that her sexual requirements about oral and anal were a deal breaker you'd be enjoying those as part of your sex life right now. Instead you overvalued her and let her choose how your sex life was going to be instead of choosing someone that was compatible with you sexually.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Victor_1992 said:


> I intentionally used the word "common" instead of "normal" because I didn't want it to sound like she was abnormal for not liking it.
> 
> And I agree that it doesn't matter what the majority likes, the only thing that matters it what she likes. I also agree that people tend to believe that everyone thinks the same way I do. This was just more a matter of my curiosity.
> 
> ...


To your original question, there are plenty of stories on here that would indicate your situation is not unique. However I agree with others that it shouldn't matter whether or not it's common. The only thing that should matter is that you knowingly married a woman who didn't like it. 

I'm not sure why you are now comparing your wife's sexual preferences with your ex lovers. Presumably, you knew what you were getting into when you chose to marry her, no?

Oh, and just for clarification since someone else brought it up....
No, a woman who doesn't enjoy oral sex does not mean she's suffering from mental trauma or is broken in some way. She may just not like it. Plain and simple. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

When I was between wives I dated a gorgeous woman could of easily been featured as a centerfold in Playboy magazine. But she relied solely on her looks and she did have a kind way about her and a fun personality but she was awful in bed. She was all for receiving oral but afterwards I was not allowed to kiss her and she really wasn’t that much into kissing. If I had been sexually inexperienced I could of seen myself married to her but after a few months I just got bored and then these things that I wanted like 69 ,, a woman that is so enthusiastic that she just won’t stop until I was are drained. There should be a happy balance but in my experience there isn’t......why exactly did you marry her.....
Therapy to try and change something that is apparently ingrained in her is going to be expensive and disappointing for you. Imagine trying to change your nature from Hetro to ****, I bet you would find that to be disgusting kinda the same for her I bet.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Victor_1992 said:


> .....My wife, however, has always had major hang ups with both giving and receiving.
> 
> ...She hates receiving oral even more. She is actually repulsed by it.
> 
> ...


You have gotten lots of great advice.

My wife is the same way, she has issues with her own body, just as your wife does, so it is her, not you. As you understand it is who she is.

I doubt that you will be able to change much. I tried, while in sex therapy to use a dental dam on my wife, but still that was "unacceptable" as it was too gross for her, even if it was something I wanted. She said once that she doesn't want my head/mouth down where she pees.

Some people are just not comfortable with their own bodily fluids or odors. One of the things I researched and considered a well is that some women as they age and after child birth have "incontinence" problems. For such a woman, the thought of leaking some urine on her partner during sex could also be a embarrassment or mood killer.

Not sure how common or uncommon not wanting to give or receive oral is, but it definitely not unique.

Good luck to you.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Hates giving oral? Unfortunately very normal once you put a ring on it. Hates receiving oral? That's odd.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

My wife doesn't like giving or receiving oral either. She thinks it's disgusting. 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In my experience its pretty normal for many not to like oral, just as its normal for many to like it.

Stop comparing her to others. She is the one you are married to, so please accept her as she is and enjoy what you do do. Discontentment is deadly to a marriage, and in my opinion this is one of the disadvantages of having had lots of previous sexual partners, that you compare and think about them and what you did with them, instead of being happy with your wife and grateful for her. 

Also, its nothing to do with her having 'issues with her body' as someone said, these things are just sexual preferences. Nothing wrong either way.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

There is a wide spectrum of what people like and don't like during sex. You've experience one end with the woman who could orgasm from giving oral (that's pretty unusual), and you've been with women who love oral, and your wife happens to be on the other end. She simply doesn't enjoy it. This could be for any number of reasons, but unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

It's not so unusual that I would call it abnormal, but she is on that far end of the spectrum. The best thing that you can do is respect this as one of her boundaries, and focus on maximizing the other aspects of your sex life. As you've experienced, pushing oral (even in the lightest of ways) will put a damper on your sex life, so it would be in your best interest to take it off the table entirely. If she decides she is interested, as was the case when she was pregnant, then you leave it to her to bring it up. The oral during pregnancy was likely caused due to a massive increase in progesterone, so you likely won't see that happen again, unless she gets pregnant again. If it happens, enjoy it while it lasts, and then let it go.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

There's no point in comparison, but I think far more women like oral than do not. Perhaps you were hoping to hear that most do not like giving or receiving, so that you can feel your circumstances are common (thus, acceptable), and that your prior gf's were fortunate experiences. Sorry, but my experience mirrors you past experience, and not your current situation. You made a choice when you married, knowing how things are, but it still bothers you. Understandable, but there's nothing you can do about it unless you are willing to leave - and you aren't. Life is full of compromise, and you have made one.


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## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

You are not alone! I feel your frustration. My wife has never really enjoyed receiving oral. We started dating 11 years ago, and I first went went down on our 3rd date. I was surprised that she didn't really seem to respond to it at all. She had only been with one other guy sexually (she was 19 at the time), so she never had experienced that before. That just kind of tapered off as our relationship progressed. I haven't gone down on her in maybe 6-7 years. Occasionally I'll bring it up, and she has no interest. Disappointing for sure. I had been with a handful of girls before her, and they all seemed to enjoy what I did down there, so I don't think I suck at it. At this point, that is what it is. I will continue to check in with her periodically to see if it's something she might be into, but I'm not gonna force the issue. 

As far as her going down on me, it still happens occasionally if I request it. But it's obvious that she will only do it on rare occasions, and only on request. It has always taken me a long time to get off from a BJ. I remember when I got my first BJ when I was 16-17, being so let down. I expected fireworks, but it didn't happen. As I made my way through college years, I encountered a few girls who could get the job done, but it always took a long time. My wife has finished me orally a few times, but she was confused at why it took so long. Her previous bf was a 2 minute man, she just assumed all guys were like that. But early in our relationship it was just established that it was going to be a method of foreplay before the main event. And then eventually that formality went away, and we usually just went right into penetration. 

I realize now that maybe my wife had not had time to mature sexually. When we first got together, she was 19 and I was only her 2nd partner. And it really sounds like she and her HS boyfriend only had the most vanilla of experiences. She was 19 and basically met her husband (me) and that was that. Whereas I was 24 when we started dating, and had been with several girls by that time. The girl I dated just before my wife was very experienced, and a little bit promiscuous (I will avoid any ****-shaming adjectives, because she was a great person and I obviously enjoyed what we did together). The sex was face melting good, and I had many firsts with her, but I didn't connect with her mentally at all. My wife and I just really hit it off, even though she was a bit younger, and that was it. But sometimes I wonder if I did her a disservice by not letting her mature sexually, and explore that side of her a little bit? I don't know, maybe I'm just talking out of my ass.


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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

It is apparently common. I'm sorry for you and me. I asked my wife why she doesn't like it, even to receive. She says she just doesn't like it and isn't a topic for discussion. She did enjoy it at some point in our marriage so I think it will resurface. Then I'll be strutting like the backpack kid.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Victor_1992 said:


> I intentionally used the word "common" instead of "normal" because I didn't want it to sound like she was abnormal for not liking it.
> 
> And I agree that it doesn't matter what the majority likes, the only thing that matters it what she likes. I also agree that people tend to believe that everyone thinks the same way I do. This was just more a matter of my curiosity.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't say it's common, but it's not exactly abnormal, either. Like anything in life - to each their own.

I gather from your first couple of posts that it's the "gross" factor for your wife. To her, this is perfectly reasonable. She doesn't want bodily fluids (hers _or_ yours, I imagine) anywhere near her. It's fair enough - some people are just germophobes when it comes to that.

I'm not a big fan, either, BUT - when I'm in the moment, that sort of stuff isn't on my mind. And therein lies the problem, IMO. If you're fully immersed in what you're doing, other things like that shouldn't matter. It IS perfectly natural and normal, after all. It's very hard to have sex without bodily fluids... :|

My ex wife was similar, but not to the point of "ruining" sex because of it. Borderline, though... For example, she would give me oral sex or handjobs, but tell me to tell her when I was close. When I did so, she'd basically move her body as far away as possible while still being able to touch me, and pretty much remove her hands the instant anything came out (meaning I'd have to finish myself, more often than not). God forbid any got on her hands, she'd pretty much sprint to the bathroom.

My current wife could care less about this kind of thing. We'll just clean up afterwards.

A completely uneducated guess, but I'd say ~20% of women want nothing to do with bodily fluids (yours or their own). ~20% "enjoy" it (on them, in their mouth, whatever), and the remaining ~60% just stay in the moment and generally don't care - they can clean up afterwards.

But really, there's no "should" and there's no "normal". What I would suggest is you talk to her about this, and essentially how it affects your sex life. Surely there's a compromise that can be made. Like if you do give her oral, then PIV will be from behind, so she's nowhere near your mouth. Do all your kissing beforehand. Occasionally, don't finish inside her. Interestingly enough, my wife would prefer I finish on her, than inside her. Easier for clean-up (but she's totally fine either way).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> There's no point in comparison, but I think far more women like oral than do not. Perhaps you were hoping to hear that most do not like giving or receiving, so that you can feel your circumstances are common (thus, acceptable), and that your prior gf's were fortunate experiences. Sorry, but my experience mirrors you past experience, and not your current situation. You made a choice when you married, knowing how things are, but it still bothers you. Understandable, but there's nothing you can do about it unless you are willing to leave - and you aren't. Life is full of compromise, and you have made one.



I don't think that any of us can know whether more do or don't.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

podiumboy said:


> I had been with a handful of girls before her, and they all seemed to enjoy what I did down there, so I don't think I suck at it.


Sorry to threadjack.

I just wanted to say that every person is different in what they see as "good" sex (oral or otherwise). What worked for one person may not work for another.

Being a good lover is doing what your current partner enjoys, and it may not be at all what worked for every other person you've been with. I know you know this, I'm not being patronizing!

I contributed to a thread about this a while ago, because it was something I learned well into my 30's... (lol). For the first 5-ish years of my relationship with my now-wife, I just did what I had always done when it came to oral sex. She got off, no problem. She also did what she had always done, I guess, when it came to giving me oral - and it worked no problem.

The funny thing is, nether of us were doing it the way WE actually wanted it, and it took that long for each of us to tell the other. "You know... if you did it this way, it would be better...". It's a hard subject to broach, telling someone they're not doing it the way you prefer.

Not that it matters, but basically I was being sloppy on her, and not using enough pressure. And she was almost mimicking porn BJ's - like a jackhammer up and down. She broached the subject first, I listened, and not long afterwards, I said "Now that you mention it...!" And all is good now. We had a bit of a laugh about it - later.

In any case, your wife is somewhat inexperienced when it comes to oral sex. No doubt you've tried different techniques by now? In my case - I never did. I just always did it the way I did it. Seemed to work (and DID work with my wife, although it was not her preferred method).

Maybe worth spending some time with your wife, figuring out what she responds to - by her telling you. Don't be like me, or my wife, and just do what we've always done, assuming it's the "right" way!


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## Victor_1992 (Sep 30, 2017)

Unfortunately, me and my wife have a rather complicated sex life. There are many underlying issues and many of them are intertwined.

The biggest issue is that, in many ways, we aren't super compatible in the bedroom. I would like to take turns between which one of us takes charge, but 99% of the time I have to do all of the work (and I mean all of the work, she'll literally just lay there). I like using different positions, but I think there's only been maybe 4 times this year that we've used anything other than missionary. This really confuses me because I love when she is on top, she orgasms every time she is on top, but she doesn't want to use that position. I would like to have sex once a week, but she's fine with once every couple weeks. I would love to spice it up once in a while (nothing crazy, just her wearing lingerie or even a nice pair of panties) whereas she hates this. I like dirty talk (or even just a "that feels good") whereas she prefers silence.

This ties into the next issue, which is the communication issues we have in bed. She simply won't tell me what she does like. For example, she hates when I try to touch her vagina. Every time I try, she tells me she doesn't like that and to stop before I ruin the mood completely. I've asked her to tell me or show me what she does like and she'll tell me that her having to tell me what to do ruins the mood. I've maybe touched her vagina with my fingers two or three times this year. Same thing with when I touch her breasts, she'll tell me that she doesn't like what I'm doing but won't give me any clue what she does like. So a majority of time there really isn't much foreplay. I'll climb on top of her, we'll do some light kissing to get her somewhat wet, then we have sex. 

Then we have issues during sex. Once we find a rhythm that she likes, I need to keep doing the EXACT same thing. If I do, sometimes she can orgasm. But I'm not a robot, so eventually I'll slow down a little, speed up a little, maybe shift my weight a tiny bit. And the second I change anything she loses it and can't orgasm. She tells me she doesn't need to orgasm to enjoy sex, but I know that this isn't always true.

Then because she doesn't enjoy it as much as she should, she has a harder time losing herself in the moment. She'll hate when I finish inside of her because it makes her feel "gross" but won't let me finish on her because she'll feel sticky after. She's too worried about bodily fluids if I do try touching her down there she'll get grossed out when I touch her or the sheets after. She's basically focused on everything other than how it feels.

So this just leads to a vicious cycle. She doesn't enjoy the sex as much as she could, which leads her to not wanting to have sex as badly, which leads her to not enjoying the sex when we do have it. The thing is, when she does lose herself to the mood the sex is incredible so it's not like I'm doing something wrong or we are totally incompatible. It's just nearly impossible to get herself to this point.

As far as compromising regarding giving her oral sex, that's basically impossible. The main reason I always loved doing it was to bring the woman a ton of pleasure, so even if my wife allowed me to do it, she would get nothing out of it which would take away my enjoyment. Besides, she treats oral sex the way most women treat anal sex. From my experience, women either enjoy anal or it is totally taboo and off limits. There isn't a lot of middle ground there. That's how my wife feels about receiving oral.


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## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

^ Dude, are you also married to my wife?!?! My experience is almost the exact same, has been for the past 2-3 years, post children. It's very hard, but it's good to know I'm not alone!!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

This post sucks!

Or not!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Victor_1992 said:


> Before I met my wife, every woman I had ever been with loved receiving oral sex, which was great because it is honestly my favorite part of having sex. It also worked out well because I can have stamina issues. I was always able to make sure they orgasmed before we even started having sex, so anything that happened during was a bonus. When it came to giving oral, one of them was really unique. She actually would orgasm just from giving me oral and sometimes would prefer this to actually having sex. The rest had a more common attitude towards it. They didn’t really get much physical enjoyment from it, but liked giving it because they knew how much I loved it. So it was a pretty common act during foreplay and then on occasion take it to completion rather than actually having sex.
> 
> My wife, however, has always had major hang ups with both giving and receiving. She had a few week span at the very end of her pregnancy and after giving birth were she was super horny all of the time. The last two weeks of her pregnancy, she couldn’t get enough of me going down on her. And in the couple weeks after she gave birth but before we could have sex, she gave me oral a few times. But other than this small span where her hormones were out of wack, there’s been nothing. Maybe two or three times a year, she’ll give me oral for 15-20 seconds tops as part of foreplay. And twice in the last 11 years she gave me oral to completion.
> 
> ...




- You have to understand that before she got pregnant, she probably had no insecurity and body image issues and her hormones were normal. The sex was good and with lots or oral.

- Then after having the baby, her hormones are off, sex drive is not the same anymore and now she probably feels she is unattractive, perhaps unwanted weight gain? Would make sense why she doesn't want oral anymore.

- She can go to the doctor, get her hormones checked and go on meds to get her back to normal. Sex drive should increase back to her old self. Going to a gym to get in shape, lose that unwanted baby weight, all should help.

- Mrs.CuddleBug initially wasn't into oral when we first dated but she knew I liked it still made the effort. Today, she is fantastic at giving me oral and always swallows. I have her fav drink on her nightstand, cholocate almond milk and she burps and giggles, which I think is funny. I always let her have complete control and my arms at not near her head. No pressure, at her pace, and this work very well.

- Now she doesn't want me going down on her and gets mad if I start and pulls me up. When I do go down on her, almost forced, I hold her hands to her sides, she does enjoy it and has an orgam almost every time. But she is insecure, body image and nothing will change that, unless she wants to do something about it.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

My wife doesn't particularly like giving oral. She offered once when we were dating and I should not have turned down the opportunity. 

I went down on her a few times but she didn't seem too comfortable with it, and since she would never reciprocate I stopped. She's not comfortable with a lot of things.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

My sample size is pretty small. My wife loves giving and receiving. But she's not keen on salad tossing. I'm fine with that.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Going forward I will ask my future wife if she likes to receive it often and give it too. If not it will be a deal breaker. Woman who don't like it, or do, but strive not to receive and maybe give too are worried about three things. This is what my ex told me. 1. You may give her or she gives you HPV virus and disease. 2. you will get throat cancer. 3. oral germs will give her a vaginal infection, or 4. she had some bad infections and the ordor she experienced may still linger on and she believes she always smells like fish. 4. inhibited in some manner from a childhood memory, a parental tape or something she picked up from a relative or someone in her life, an life experience or dream process that tainted that part of recieving. 
Dr. ruth said for women to wash up and get over it. My ex loved it until after we got married and cut me off completely. According to the proper care and feeding of marriage book by Dr. laura and schlessinger and the bible it is supposed to be obligation to please each other. Within reason of course. Sorry-the bum is exit only for myself. Would I do it to my wife with a condom. I don't know, but from what I read that tissue is not meant for that and tears easily. It could really medically mess you up should a tear get infected...If we talked about it and she really wanted to try it- would have to be pretty darn buzzed from wine or beer and the horniness level off the charts to act it out.

I hope this helps.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

JayDee7 said:


> Tell her that this s something you greatly enjoy and something she totally hates and that you are both sexually incompatible and have to work on it.
> She can come around to it, it is not something that she will hate if she begins doing it regularly unless she has some traumatic abusive experience in her past that prevents it, and even that can be overcome. Ask her to work on it with you.


He married her knowing she hates it. She hates it even more now. Some people just hate it and there's no work around.

She'll hate it even more if the OP becomes beggy and whiny about it. He knew the deal before he signed up.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Victor_1992 said:


> she hates when I try to touch her vagina.


Have you tried a mechanical hand or perhaps a feather duster on an extension..

This goes way past incompatibility, is she autistic? Got phobias, childhood traumas?

This isn't sex but a negotiation just to reach third base followed by more complex reading of what the contract allows and doesn't allow.

No intimacy, no excitement. This obviously goes way past why don't you let me go down on you. She needs professional help.


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## User21 (Dec 14, 2017)

I’m a grown man and I’m not fond of receiving oral at all. I always viewed the woman as being dirty if she was willing to do that.
As far as giving her oral, never have never will !!!
No way am I putting my mouth where anyone’s penis has been.

Has this Hangup caused problems for me in relationships, very much so !!!

Some people are different.


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## ICEMAN69 (Jan 3, 2018)

See below. Forgot the quote


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## ICEMAN69 (Jan 3, 2018)

uhtred said:


> I don't know how common it is, but my wife really likes receiving - though generally as a warm-up, not to O (where she wants / needs a vibrator). She won't do it for me - thinks BJs are disgusting and degrading. (Has done it a a little a few times - but obviously hates it and is very limited in how much she will do, so I don't accept those offers anymore. ).


Sorry, but what's good for the woman should be good for the man. If she likes getting it, she needs to be sensitive to your needs as well.


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## ICEMAN69 (Jan 3, 2018)

Victor_1992 said:


> Unfortunately, me and my wife have a rather complicated sex life. There are many underlying issues and many of them are intertwined.
> 
> The biggest issue is that, in many ways, we aren't super compatible in the bedroom. I would like to take turns between which one of us takes charge, but 99% of the time I have to do all of the work (and I mean all of the work, she'll literally just lay there). I like using different positions, but I think there's only been maybe 4 times this year that we've used anything other than missionary. This really confuses me because I love when she is on top, she orgasms every time she is on top, but she doesn't want to use that position. I would like to have sex once a week, but she's fine with once every couple weeks. I would love to spice it up once in a while (nothing crazy, just her wearing lingerie or even a nice pair of panties) whereas she hates this. I like dirty talk (or even just a "that feels good") whereas she prefers silence.
> 
> ...


I just hope the remainder of the marriage is like SUPREMO in every other area because your wife is so completely off the charts high maintenance in the bedroom there's got to be something good out of that relationship. I got a headache just reading this posting and trying to keep up with her likes and dislikes.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

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## ICEMAN69 (Jan 3, 2018)

User21 said:


> I’m a grown man and I’m not fond of receiving oral at all. I always viewed the woman as being dirty if she was willing to do that.
> As far as giving her oral, never have never will !!!
> No way am I putting my mouth where anyone’s penis has been.
> 
> ...


So I'm curious, are you willing to kiss a girl romantically? Are you willing to kiss deeply and with the tongue? I only ask because your comments strike me as odd given that the human mouth is in many cases dirtier and more bacteria laden than the sex organs on the human body (assuming standard genital hygiene is used)


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Victor_1992 said:


> She'll hate when I finish inside of her because it makes her feel "gross" but won't let me finish on her because she'll feel sticky after. She's too worried about bodily fluids if I do try touching her down there she'll get grossed out when I touch her or the sheets after.


Yeah I'd say that's uncommon in the extreme. My wife loves receiving oral and fortunately I loving giving it. I guess the only thing I can say (which everyone else is saying) is you married her knowing all this about her. At this point I don't see that there is a lot you can do if you want to stay married to her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In the end its pointless asking if other wives/husbands like or don't like oral or anything else. Its all about what our own spouse likes or doesn't like and comparing him/her to others is a waste of time and can make you bitter or resentful or discontent which is poison for a marriage. 
I honestly couldn't care less what others do in bed, its what my husband likes and what we like together that matters to me.


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## User21 (Dec 14, 2017)

So I'm curious, are you willing to kiss a girl romantically? Are you willing to kiss deeply and with the tongue? I only ask because your comments strike me as odd given that the human mouth is in many cases dirtier and more bacteria laden than the sex organs on the human body (assuming standard genital hygiene is used)


No to both questions!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

To each their own, and if you know this going into a marriage or relationship, you can't _really_ complain about it.

That said, I do understand, somewhat. The beginning of a relationship is fun, exciting, and you often overlook things, or minimize certain aspects that may become issues later on down the road.

Look, some people don't like giving or receiving oral sex, or dislike one or the other. Personally, I don't understand it, but it is what it is.

Incidentally, most of us can agree and understand, or have experience with, the fact that the more turned on (or "horny") a person is, usually the more they're willing to do or experiment with. It's pretty normal human sexuality. You see it time and time again (especially with women, it seems) that if having an affair, they do all kinds of things with their AP that they don't/won't do with their spouse. Or, as is even more common, they do more things at the beginning of a relationship, only to "lose interest". It's, obviously, the partner they're losing interest in, not necessarily the sexual act, in many cases.

But bottom line is, some people just don't/won't give or receive oral sex. It's foreign to me, and no amount of explaining it will make me see it through someone else's eyes. To me, oral sex is PART of sex. It doesn't have to occur every time, or even necessarily on it's own, BUT. It's also part of foreplay. Yes, there are other things you can do, but I'm at a loss as to how people have good sex lives without oral sex as part of foreplay.

Standalone, I understand - somewhat. It's really very personality dependent. There are givers and receivers, and people who are neither (my wife is a "neither", I'm a "giver"). Particularly for women, I think, providing a sexual act without reciprocation can sometimes require some mental gymnastics.

It is what it is.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It's my experience that it's not uncommon to not want oral sex - either giving or receiving. It may be outside the norm, but not really uncommon.

Your more detailed description of your sex life, however, points to truly abnormal behavior on your wife's part. You say you are not sexually compatible, but I can't imagine who she might be compatible with. Maybe she has a cleanliness obsession/compulsion; maybe something else is going on. In any event, you are in for a very unsatisfying married life if she doesn't find a good therapist to address this.

Just my .02.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

Everyone has their preferences. I have always been with men who loved oral. My current BF cannot stay up that way and does not like it overall. So we do very little of it. 

Whatever floats your wife's boat is what you do.


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