# Text messages I found ??



## Intolerant72

Hello everyone I am just looking for any thoughts on what your interpretation of these text messages are.
I have drawn my own conclusion of them but I am just looking for some one that is not close to me to be honest and not bias due to knowing me that way.
I have had a gut feeling that something was off between myself and wife for a few months now because of her guarding her phone with her life if it was on,always checking it due to the notification being turn off ?? and just not acting the same as I became a custom to. So my gut feeling was telling me to look through her phone so one morning I did and found some text messages hidden in archived messages from a man that works at her plant but works in a different part. I forwarded all the text to my phone deleted all evidence of it and went to work. Keep in mind this is only one night of texts between them...Here is the text messages starting with him saying I miss you and her replying I MISS YOU TOO BABY, him telling her I made dinner for you smelly ass,she replied with emojis of hearts, him telling her that he didn't understand why they was not hanging out that night and her reply was I AM SORRY I CANT TONIGHT BECAUSE OUR LINE HAS TO BE HERE UNTIL MIDNIGHT AND WE CAN'T BLUE LINE. Definition of blue line is this..Her line has a certain amount of parts that has to be produced in an 8 hour shift but if that number is reached in 5-6 hours they get to leave but still receive 8 hours pay. Which they did on a very regular day. Then him saying we'll get ahold of me when you have time for me,and her sending emojis kisses and hearts.
I have been chewing on this issue for around a month and have came to my conclusion on what was going on and what I'm am going to do about it I am just looking for other thoughts that I may have overlooked. Thanks and can't wait to hear from you.


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## Chronotrigger

I'm sorry to read this and what you are going through. 

The fact that she's hiding the messages, the word BABY in that text and hearts... Not good signs at all. 

Be up front. Confront her with the evidence. Don't let her turn this around into an argument about you violating her privacy. Open the conversation with the fact that you felt like something was off in your marriage and you have noticed that she's guarding her phone. Give her the chance to come clean. If she denies anything is wrong or comes up with some hokey excuse, present her with the evidence. I feel like confronting this head on is better than you sitting back, wondering and torturing yourself while this infidelity continues on. And yes, it's infidelity, as she's at the very least having an emotional affair with the guy. Worst case scenario, she's already physically cheated. 

Talk to her. Get it out in the open!


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## Lostinthought61

is this the only text have you discovered more ? have you thought to follow here after work to see if she comes right home or hire a PI to uncover that might be happening?


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## Intolerant72

I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address. 
I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.


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## Marc878

An emotional affair with physical contact is probably a sexual affair. Most betrayed spouses who come here cling to the hopium of its just an EA because they don’t want to accept the truth and would rather live in denial.

Get strong and stay there. IMO let her go. She ended your marriage anyway. No need to confront. Hell man she knows she’s a cheater. You don’t have to tell her that.

Anything is better than the long painful wallowing in infidelity. Infidelity is a life long gift she gave you.

in case you do confront know this. All cheaters lie a lot. A lot!!!!

You’ll also get:

*Blame-shifting* is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.

I would inform and forward the info to the other mans wife assuming he’s married. Then let the cheaters deal with it. Without saying a word to anyone.

if you want to know how long it’s been going on go online and take a look at your phone bill.

Your cheating wife put you where you are but you are the only one that can keep yourself there.


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## Lostinthought61

Intolerant72 said:


> I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address.
> I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.


do you know anything about the other person...if you do go document everything, and i would hide when she arrives at the place and wait to see where she goes....then once you have confirmation you need to tell her that you are done and walk away...but please do not engage with the person...let's keep you out of jail.


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## Marc878

Intolerant72 said:


> I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address.
> I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.


Sexual affair. You really don’t need any more info. Why keep yourself in this? She’s already ended your marriage.


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## jlg07

You know what is going on. I think once you follow her to that location, you will have the confirmation you need.
No need really to confront her -- she knows she is cheating.
Get with a lawyer, get your plans together (financial, custody if required, etc.) and then have her served.
Make sure you tell folks (family, etc.) about her affair so that she can't turn the divorce all on you -- she will try to re-write your marriage history to make YOU look like the bad guy.


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## Intolerant72

I was talking to my brother about this earlier and he has agreed to go sit and take pictures and follow her/them/him for me so that's what I am waiting for is in my hand proof that I am gonna leave for her in her car along with a key to her new storage unit that will have a her belonging in it.


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## Numb26

You have already received a lot of good advice so far. The only thing I will add is, now is the time to put YOURSELF first. Keep rested; if you aren't already, start eating healthy and exercising, spend time with friends. You have some difficult times ahead and it's important that you keep yourself mentally and physically in good shape.


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## Marc878

Intolerant72 said:


> I was talking to my brother about this earlier and he has agreed to go sit and take pictures and follow her/them/him for me so that's what I am waiting for is in my hand proof that I am gonna leave for her in her car along with a key to her new storage unit that will have a her belonging in it.


You’ve got all the proof you need. At this point all you’re doing is pain shopping.

I get it though and understand but get this done quickly and get out of this hell she’s put you in.


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## Numb26

Marc878 said:


> You’ve got all the proof you need. At this point all you’re doing is pain shopping.
> 
> I get it though and understand but get this done quickly and get out of this hell she’s put you in.


I ended up with video proof and take it from me.....there is no point in pain shopping.


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## Intolerant72

I really appreciate all your words and knowledge of the right and wrong things to do.
I am a very calm person until I have been brought to that place and the reality of this is really starting to sink in and I am about to turn green with anger so I may have to get away for awhile being in her presents is so hard to not say what you want to.
I agree with everything everyone has said and I had made my decision before posting this as to my plan of action. I want to ask her who the **** gave you permission to carry on with another man because I know I didn't so that was her decision and she has to be responsible for that decision and the consequences are this. You want to act single my dear well as of today you won't sneak around behind my back anymore maybe his but she will not take another minute of my precious time end of the story.


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## frenchpaddy

i hope you get the photos you need and then get her out of your life for good


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## Intolerant72

I'm gonna miss her very attentive house cleaning skills but I'm thinking it's gonna be a hell of a good trade off.
I have invested 9 years of my life with her and I can only wonder as to the time frame that she has been unfaithful. It make sense that some other post state that they needed all the info so as not to have questions afterwards but I gotta just bury this as a good life lesson and have my eyes and ears on a little better attention when I decide the time is right to start dating again but that's months down this road. I am so happy that I have my job that keeps my mind occupied. 
Again thanks to everyone for their comment and I'm sure I'll be giving updates as this unfolds further but for now it's chin up and looking for the end to all of this.


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## Lostinthought61

Be ready for the "I'm sorry and it was only once" drill she will give her...the important is to expose her before she write her own narrative. Good luck brother


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## seadoug105

How clever & technical is she?

you just got a new phone, did she help you set it up? Does she know how to manage and/or share location settings (one way)?
If she is savvy, she might just be able to check your location (phone, watch, tablet, and even Cars GPS). If you plan to go to this location, make sure she thinks your at work.
leave your car & electronics at work. Don’t just turn off location service as it might blow your cover. Borrow/rent a car or have your brother pick you up. Get a burner/temp phone and set your cell phone to FWD calls.

TBH, I hope you are wrong, but if your not best to find it all out now!

Best of Luck, Sir!


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## overrnbw

Intolerant72 said:


> I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address.
> I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.


Don't do it. You already know. Why would you do this? You could get shot over a woman who is cheating on you. It's physical. It's cheating. It's wrong.

You know enough info already, what is your plan? Make a plan before you speak to her. I guarantee she will lie her butt off when you confront. I bet she will blame you and won't be remorseful.


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## BigDaddyNY

seadoug105 said:


> How clever & technical is she?
> 
> you just got a new phone, did she help you set it up? Does she know how to manage and/or share location settings (one way)?
> If she is savvy, she might just be able to check your location (phone, watch, tablet, and even Cars GPS). If you plan to go to this location, make sure she thinks your at work.
> leave your car & electronics at work. Don’t just turn off location service as it might blow your cover. Borrow/rent a car or have your brother pick you up. Get a burner/temp phone and set your cell phone to FWD calls.
> 
> TBH, I hope you are wrong, but if your not best to find it all out now!
> 
> Best of Luck, Sir!


He has his brother going there for him.

@Intolerant72 sorry to see this happening. Only one way to interpret those texts, but you probably knew that already. You really don't need anymore proof and I'm afraid anything else is just going to imprint images in your brain you would rather not have to carry around with you. I think the best advice here was the first post. Ask her about why she has been acting strange and guarding her phone so much. See what she says, which will inevitably be a lie. Then confront her with what you know.


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## VladDracul

If I was going to recommend a song to describe what this guy and your old lady's been up to this would be it.






i'll be strokin at DuckDuckGo


DuckDuckGo. Privacy, Simplified.




duckduckgo.com


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## re16

Another workplace affair...


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## Intolerant72

I just let my brother read all of these post from you all and he said how could you not believe that she has been seeing another man because this is the first that he has heard anything about this so I guess I should have talked to him but I just wanted to get a outside view without prejudice.
I thank you all and I will keep you posted on how everything has gone down.


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## Evinrude58

Sorry bro. Been there. It hurts. But decisive action like you’re taking???? Bravo!!!!
I’d have already seen an attorney. And I’d have divorce papers for her to sign along with evidence photos when I confronted . She will lie. See how she obfuscates the truth when you tell her—- then divorce her


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## Marc878

Intolerant72 said:


> I'm gonna miss her very attentive house cleaning skills but I'm thinking it's gonna be a hell of a good trade off.
> I have invested 9 years of my life with her and I can only wonder as to the time frame that she has been unfaithful. It make sense that some other post state that they needed all the info so as not to have questions afterwards but I gotta just bury this as a good life lesson and have my eyes and ears on a little better attention when I decide the time is right to start dating again but that's months down this road. I am so happy that I have my job that keeps my mind occupied.
> Again thanks to everyone for their comment and I'm sure I'll be giving updates as this unfolds further but for now it's chin up and looking for the end to all of this.


Check your phone bill. That may help you with a timeline. Cheaters lie a lot so I doubt you’ll get the truth from her.


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## Marc878

You can only be a chump if you allow it. No one has any say so but you.


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## Harold Demure

Sorry to hear about the troubles you are going through.

I would make sure I had all my financial and other affairs in place before confronting her. You don’t want her, for example, to drain any bank or savings accounts you may have or leave yourself responsible for any debt she may have. Also, who is going to live where? Are you leaving the house or is she? What are your plans if she doesn’t play ball?


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## Intolerant72

Why is it so hard to listen to your own advice ??
I blew it last night and confronted her with the text messages that I had found between her and a coworker and her response was this... She grabbed her phone and said what messages are you talking about I don't have any messages so what are you talking about. I guess she thought I was not smart enough to have forwarded them to myself for proof or what she was thinking but tried to play it off like where are they at if I am texting another man so I quote a few of them for her due to them being burned into my memory and that's when **** got real. So knowing what I have uncovered and knowing that she will straight faced lie to me about where she has been,what times she had left the house on certain dates,missing work on certain dates,using the ATM on certain dates and timelines and when I say lie I mean she won't give up said lie until I confront her letting her know that I already know the answers to said questions and then will change to another lie about her first lie.(example) Last week she left the house at 6:43am and drove up to said apartment complex and was there until driving straight home 3+ hours later. I asked her where she went that morning and she denied ever leaving that morning then it changed to she went and got groceries so I said to her they sell groceries at said apartment complex ? then it was she went up to see her girlfriend from work and that's where she lives. So back to me confronting her about the text messages she tries to feed me some ******** about "I ALWAYS CALL EVERYONE BABY" and "I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS CHEATING TEXTING WITH ANOTHER MAN" so I said well if you didn't think it was wrong then why was they hidden on your phone and why did you try to make me look like I am an idiot with WHAT MESSAGES ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE SHE HAD DELETED THEM NOT KNOWING I HAD THEM.
I asked her why would he state that he cooked her dinner,called her smelly ass,said he didn't understand why they wasn't hanging out that night and why she apologized to him stating the she had to be there until midnight and her line could not "BLUE LINE" and leave early and she could not give me an answer to "WHY HE WOULD SAY THAT" and said call and ask him and I said I DID CALL HIM and the next thing out of her mouth after picking it up off the floor was this... WHAT DID HE SAY THAT HE ****ED ME ??? WELL HE IS LIEING. 
I expected somewhat of an ommision from her but got nothing but denial and then we'll you never give me anything back emotionally and I said so is that was he was giving you instead of his **** then.
I have uncovered so much that I guess this was just a little slap back in her face on what I had known and figured out without ever letting on that I had her dead to rights. WOW DID THAT FEEL SO GOOD TO FINALLY GET ALL OF THAT OFF MY CHEST. I will report more after today she has been leaving me text messages and voicemails all night and I have not responded back to her one time.


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## frenchpaddy

it is a pity that you don't have something like a photo of her kissing him but then she would say it was just a hug , a woman like that needs to be got in bed and then would need to get her and him doing it


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## overrnbw

I've seen this play out before, and like I said on page one



> Don't do it. You already know. Why would you do this? You could get shot over a woman who is cheating on you. It's physical. It's cheating. It's wrong.
> 
> You know enough info already, what is your plan? Make a plan before you speak to her. I guarantee she will lie her butt off when you confront. I bet she will blame you and won't be remorseful.


You didn't make a plan. Now she knows you know, and if you don't take action you look weak. What is your PLAN?

PS I wouldn't respond to any of her calls or texts. Do you guys have kids? How old are you?


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## Intolerant72

My plan that I had only crumbled at the edge and I have already spoken to a divorce lawyer and will meet with her next week. We are both about to turn 50. Our children are from previous marriages none together.
I only showed enough for her to realize that I was not tolerating any more of her lies,excuses or anything on that line and I had made my decision that it was over. She sent a text to me around 10:00 am stating that her vehicle broke and wouldn't move and was stranded in the road. So being the nice guy that I am I said well call this number and I'm sure he will be more than willing to help you and sent her lovers phone number to her then immediately followed up with what was I thinking you already have that number.
I guess all this has turned me a little to the revenge side and it feels good to release a little back at her. When I confronted her last night after things cools a little I told her she needed to find a place to stay for the night and she agreed and as soon as she was out of the driveway I started loading up everything that was hers into my enclosed trailer and finished with it all this morning and towed it to her mother's house unhooked it told her mother what has been happening and said everything she owns is in there and she could keep the trailer and not to come back to my property or I will have her arrested. She has since tried to call and text me so many times that I had to block her number from my phone. 
It really sucks and I am really depressed but at the same time I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in better than a month.


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## Evinrude58

Sorry you’re here. Tire dealing with it well. Not much left to discuss, I don’t see why she’d call you other than either she thinks you’re weak enough to accept a cheating **** for an SO, or she thinks you’re so stupid she can talk you out of booting her and that she can still enjoy the home and security you provide.

what a miserable wretch of a liar you have there. Bravo on packing her **** and booting her out.


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## overrnbw

Intolerant72 said:


> My plan that I had only crumbled at the edge and I have already spoken to a divorce lawyer and will meet with her next week. We are both about to turn 50. Our children are from previous marriages none together.
> I only showed enough for her to realize that I was not tolerating any more of her lies,excuses or anything on that line and I had made my decision that it was over. She sent a text to me around 10:00 am stating that her vehicle broke and wouldn't move and was stranded in the road. So being the nice guy that I am I said well call this number and I'm sure he will be more than willing to help you and sent her lovers phone number to her then immediately followed up with what was I thinking you already have that number.
> I guess all this has turned me a little to the revenge side and it feels good to release a little back at her. When I confronted her last night after things cools a little I told her she needed to find a place to stay for the night and she agreed and as soon as she was out of the driveway I started loading up everything that was hers into my enclosed trailer and finished with it all this morning and towed it to her mother's house unhooked it told her mother what has been happening and said everything she owns is in there and she could keep the trailer and not to come back to my property or I will have her arrested. She has since tried to call and text me so many times that I had to block her number from my phone.
> It really sucks and I am really depressed but at the same time I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in better than a month.


Sounds like you did have a plan. Good for you.

And I lol'd hard when I read you sent her the OM's number to come fix her car. That is 100% the right attitude IMO. You aren't her man anymore and you are acting accordingly.


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## manowar

Intolerant72 said:


> _ being the* nice guy *that I am I said well call this number and I'm sure he will be more than willing to help you and sent her lovers phone number to her then immediately followed up with what was I thinking you already have that number._


this is the way to do it. Intolerant - you selected the perfect name. You are in the top 10% of responders on TAM. The other 90% melt into weakness because they have been conditioned into being nice guys. The next move is to find a gf or at least let her think you've got plenty of options. This is key -- *she must understand that she is replaceable*. No counseling or any of that bullsht. You responded decisively as a man should under trying circumstances.


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## manowar

Intolerant72 said:


> I started loading up everything that was hers into my enclosed trailer and finished with it all this morning and towed it to her mother's house unhooked it told her mother what has been happening and said everything she owns is in there and she could keep the trailer and not to come back to my property or I will have her arrested.



Again. Great move!!! *INTOLERANT*.


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## m.t.t

manowar said:


> The next move is to find a gf or at least let her think you've got plenty of options. This is key -- *she must understand that she is replaceable*. No counseling or any of that bullsht. You responded decisively as a man should under trying circumstances.


This is awful advice. I think what the OP did was fair and firm and showed his boundaries. I know what getting someone things together for them feels like, it's so empowering! Well done OP.

Getting a girlfriend to show her is just gameplaying and childish in my opinion.


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## Intolerant72

I gained 50% of my manly hood reading through everyone elses situations but my mind was already made before I even found this site. This site gave me the knowledge, ins and outs, dos and donts and more importantly the mindset to remember that I was born with a pair and it was time to take them back from her.
As one user said " YOU CAN ONLY BE A CHUMP IF YOU ALLOW IT" and that really dug into my soul and lit that fire that I believe was extinguished dealing with my first divorce of 20 years due to my own doctor inflicted opioid addiction. That's in the past and will never be forgotten as only due over I wish I had. I know there are faithful women out there looking for the same thing in a man and if I happen to be so lucky another time then that's a bridge that will be looked at crossing but as for now I will be doing a lot of working on myself and getting my mind and wits back. Thanks again to everyone that commented with exactly what I was looking for and needed so desperately. 
I will stay on this site and learn all that I can so talk with you soon


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## Intolerant72

Okay I have to give you all a update. I walked out on my front porch this morning and there was my ex sitting in a chair so I said what are you doing here and she started sobbing begging me to hear her out so I said okay.
She goes on to say that had only been texting the OM for 2 weeks and that it was just some ******** way to pass time at work, that they never spent time together and the never had sex.... I said to her that was not what them text said in fact it said the very opposite of what you just said and here is why.
You don't tell someone "I MISS YOU TOO BABY" unless there has been a pause in the time spent together prior and you are missing that time spent together.
You don't tell someone that you made dinner for them unless you both had talked about him making you dinner prior. 
You don't tell someone that " HE DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WAS NOT HANGING OUT TONIGHT" that night unless you had previously hung out with him.
and then she responds with
"I'M SORRY I CAN'T TONIGHT WE HAVE TO BE HERE UNTIL MIDNIGHT AND OUR LINE CANT BLUELINE. So she apologized to him about tonight and explains "WHY" she can't hang out with him that night. 
I don't think anyone in this world would interpret or draw a different conclusion than what I did but would love to hear if I am missing another direction it was going ?


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## Torninhalf

Intolerant72 said:


> Okay I have to give you all a update. I walked out on my front porch this morning and there was my ex sitting in a chair so I said what are you doing here and she started sobbing begging me to hear her out so I said okay.
> She goes on to say that had only been texting the OM for 2 weeks and that it was just some ****** way to pass time at work, that they never spent time together and the never had sex.... I said to her that was not what them text said in fact it said the very opposite of what you just said and here is why.
> You don't tell someone "I MISS YOU TOO BABY" unless there has been a pause in the time spent together prior and you are missing that time spent together.
> You don't tell someone that you made dinner for them unless you both had talked about him making you dinner prior.
> You don't tell someone that " HE DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WAS NOT HANGING OUT TONIGHT" that night unless you had previously hung out with him.
> and then she responds with
> "I'M SORRY I CAN'T TONIGHT WE HAVE TO BE HERE UNTIL MIDNIGHT AND OUR LINE CANT BLUELINE. So she apologized to him about tonight and explains "WHY" she can't hang out with him that night.
> I don't think anyone in this world would interpret or draw a different conclusion than what I did but would love to hear if I am missing another direction it was going ?


She is still lying. They only admit to what you can prove.


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## moulinyx

You need to print those texts and have her explain. She is caught and the lying is almost worse than what she did. She is bold faced lying to you.

It’s pathetic that people still deny when you have the proof.


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## BigDaddyNY

Intolerant72 said:


> Okay I have to give you all a update. I walked out on my front porch this morning and there was my ex sitting in a chair so I said what are you doing here and she started sobbing begging me to hear her out so I said okay.
> She goes on to say that had only been texting the OM for 2 weeks and that it was just some ****** way to pass time at work, that they never spent time together and the never had sex.... I said to her that was not what them text said in fact it said the very opposite of what you just said and here is why.
> You don't tell someone "I MISS YOU TOO BABY" unless there has been a pause in the time spent together prior and you are missing that time spent together.
> You don't tell someone that you made dinner for them unless you both had talked about him making you dinner prior.
> You don't tell someone that " HE DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WAS NOT HANGING OUT TONIGHT" that night unless you had previously hung out with him.
> and then she responds with
> "I'M SORRY I CAN'T TONIGHT WE HAVE TO BE HERE UNTIL MIDNIGHT AND OUR LINE CANT BLUELINE. So she apologized to him about tonight and explains "WHY" she can't hang out with him that night.
> I don't think anyone in this world would interpret or draw a different conclusion than what I did but would love to hear if I am missing another direction it was going ?


What a crock of ****, lol. How did she try to explain away those texts that you pointed out? Did you every confirm who lives at the address she went to? 

As you said, there is no way to interrupt those texts other than they were most definitely physically together. Does she even acknowledge that if she wasn't physically with him she still engaged in an emotional affair?


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## Intolerant72

I have found other things pointing to them since I packed all of her stuff and moved it. I hadn't realized that she had a couple purses hanging up behind our bedroom door so I dug through them and started looking at ATM reciets and her attendance sheet from work and went back and wrote down every week that I was gone in 2020 and compared that to her attendance sheet, ATM reciets and every time I was out of town she missed a day of work and used the ATM at 1-2 am. The I found one ATM reciet that showed her using it on a Saturday morning at 12:43 but had said she was driving to her son's house in Tennessee and left the Thursday night after work and I remember talking to her that Friday and she was quick to get off the phone because she was so tired from driving all night and I was out in California working. So I believe that this was going on for a while. I have not reveled any of that info because I am doing a cross check of all the info that I have plus our text messages back and forth on said dates is not making me feel like the smartest person I the world right now. I will update soon but I believe that she has cheated on her past men and is very good a concealing it


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## gr8ful1

You have all the evidence you need - unless you‘re in one of the few precious states that actually considers adultery wrong. It’s over. Have you seen a lawyer yet?


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## Affaircare

@Intolerant72 

I would like you to bear something in mind: she is not an honest person. If you were to print out my text messages and ask me to explain, I am an honest person so I would tell you the truth. But if you do something like ask a liar to explain...they are going to LIE. Make sense? A dishonest person doesn't "all of a sudden" tell the truth when they are asked a question. They continue to do what they do, which is lie. So expect that. Expect DISHONESTY. Expect more lies. And I'm not saying that to be mean to your STBX, but rather as a way to open your eyes. You don't ask a liar a question and expect them to honestly answer you. They are going to answer alright...with a LIE!


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## Intolerant72

I see my lawyer on Thursday and I agree with having all the proof I need she is just throwing what-ifs into my brain and she knows how much I care for her and probably sees the little bit of my brain saying what if....


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## Intolerant72

That is why I tried to ask other than asking a direct question. I tried to ask them knowing that I already knew the answer and wording them so they was not as direct but again believe she has been down this road many times just by her ability to be so fake and lie straight to my face without letting on that she was doing thing behind my back.


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## Intolerant72

You are absolutely correct with saying that about liers.That is probably the toughest thing to get past as of now is that she was so cold and calculating with her lies that you question everything that you have shared with them as being a lie. I just don't get that and have a hard time trying to understand that in a person.


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## Openminded

Don’t try to understand. You never will. Most serial cheaters don’t want a divorce. They just want some fun and excitement on the side. She will likely do everything she can think of to convince you to stay with her. Pass on that — unless you want to spend the rest of your life right where you are now. You’ll never trust her again and you shouldn’t. Move on.


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## Lostinthought61

Ask her if she is willing to take a polygraph ?


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## dubsey

If you're going to get the truth, you'll probably get it in the first couple of days after confrontation. You'll know if you got the truth because it'll be more than you asked for, and include the stuff you know you'd never have been able to figure out on your own.

Mate, you're not going to get the truth.


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## frenchpaddy

why would she even want you back any way now , even if she was acting like a saint I can't see what makes her think you two can ever get to patch things up


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## Evinrude58

Glad you’re seeing an attorney.
Poor cake eater is not willing to let go of her security blanket.
I’m so sad for poor muffin. You cruel man!


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## manowar

Intolerant72 said:


> believe she has been down this road many times just by her ability to be so fake and lie straight to my face without letting on that she was doing thing behind my back.



Sounds like you had suspicions much earlier and you let it slide. Do you have proof or is it more of a gut feeling? If you are confident that she has done this before, then she's using you as a safe backstop. The provider aspect where she has no problem with your wallet. You're doing well with the indirect questions. You may want to imply that you had hired a PI but leave it at that. You have all the proof that you need without being specific. It might get her talking. 



Intolerant72 said:


> ATM reciets and *every time I was out of town she missed a day of work* and used the ATM at 1-2 am. ....... *I was out in California working.*



this is good circumstantial evidence. Do you have direct evidence? I agree with the others. She's lying. Telling you a minimum. Hold firm. Don't fall for those what ifs. It's a form of gaslighting where you question your perception of reality. It seems like you know what has been going on in your marriage.


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## Intolerant72

I wouldn't say suspicion but more of a gut feeling on top of the little changes in her complete abnormal behavior compared to what was her normal the past years together.
At first I asked about a couple little differences that I noticed and she brushed them off so that was a red flag for me because if your spouse is concerned enough to ask because they have seen a change in them then IMHO they would precipitate other than just brushing it off. She has also stated that yes I lied about being at said address but that don't mean I was ****ing anyone and you have no proof of that...and that's correct however I told her that if she was facing charges she would be found guilty just with all the circumstancally evidence,the same evidence that I based my decision on.
If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck I'm calling it a duck until proven otherwise.


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## Blondilocks

Intolerant72 said:


> you have no proof of that.


Too bad for her - you don't need proof to divorce her. You can divorce her just because.


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## Dictum Veritas

Intolerant72 said:


> She has also stated that yes I lied about being at said address but that don't mean I was ****ing anyone and you have no proof of that...and that's correct however I told her that if she was facing charges she would be found guilty just with all the circumstancally evidence,the same evidence that I based my decision on.
> If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck I'm calling it a duck until proven otherwise.


You seem to have your head on straight. You have enough red flags at this stage that it's not up to you to prove that she wasn't having sex with the POSOM, it's up to her to prove that she didn't. In the absence of such proof, proceed under the assumption that she did.

Good luck to you. I don't envy you the road you have been forced to walk and the initial journey is excruciating.


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## Intolerant72

She had always stated that she was cheated on in every single relationship that she had prior to ours so I believe that she was twisting the cheater and cheated on portion of them stories and in a sick way was trying to lay down lies way ahead of her own evil ways if that makes any sense.


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## Dictum Veritas

Intolerant72 said:


> She had always stated that she was cheated on in every single relationship that she had prior to ours so I believe that she was twisting the cheater and cheated on portion of them stories and in a sick way was trying to lay down lies way ahead of her own evil ways if that makes any sense.


Your analysis may be spot on, but the real question is, should you care? Even if she was being truthful about this, it really makes the fact that she is cheating in the one relationship where she is being loved that much more heinous.

Keep your head up, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Rather than analyzing on her motivations and if you are dead set on divorce, morn her as-if she had died. In a way she has because this cheating woman is not the woman you would have married and the woman she presented herself as to you is now dead.

Morn your loss and work towards your future. It is a sad thing to loose the one you loved.


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## Intolerant72

As much as wish it turned out different I can not allow myself to be treated by her or any other women that takes my old school way of "IF I AM WITH YOU I AM WITH YOU" for granted and exploits that for their amusement. There are women out there looking for men with my integrity and beliefs. I remember when she had her friend ask me if I wanted to go out sometime and I asked her friend DOES SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND ? and her friend said yes but they are about to break up and I told the friend I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME NOPE I DONT WANT TO GO OUT IF SHE IS INVOLVED so she contacted me about 2 months later when she was single


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## Intolerant72

Spot on with that MORN HER AS IF SHE HAD DIED.
SPOT ****ING ON THANKS


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## Dictum Veritas

Intolerant72 said:


> As much as wish it turned out different I can not allow myself to be treated by her or any other women that takes my old school way of "IF I AM WITH YOU I AM WITH YOU" for granted and exploits that for their amusement. There are women out there looking for men with my integrity and beliefs. I remember when she had her friend ask me if I wanted to go out sometime and I asked her friend DOES SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND ? and her friend said yes but they are about to break up and I told the friend I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME NOPE I DONT WANT TO GO OUT IF SHE IS INVOLVED so she contacted me about 2 months later when she was single


Your integrity will keep on serving you well, but no-one will blame you for shedding a tear at your loss. I'd advise you however to not do so in front of her. Deny her that satisfaction.


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## Marc878

Intolerant72 said:


> Okay I have to give you all a update. I walked out on my front porch this morning and there was my ex sitting in a chair so I said what are you doing here and she started sobbing begging me to hear her out so I said okay.
> She goes on to say that had only been texting the OM for 2 weeks and that it was just some ****** way to pass time at work, that they never spent time together and the never had sex.... I said to her that was not what them text said in fact it said the very opposite of what you just said and here is why.
> You don't tell someone "I MISS YOU TOO BABY" unless there has been a pause in the time spent together prior and you are missing that time spent together.
> You don't tell someone that you made dinner for them unless you both had talked about him making you dinner prior.
> You don't tell someone that " HE DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WAS NOT HANGING OUT TONIGHT" that night unless you had previously hung out with him.
> and then she responds with
> "I'M SORRY I CAN'T TONIGHT WE HAVE TO BE HERE UNTIL MIDNIGHT AND OUR LINE CANT BLUELINE. So she apologized to him about tonight and explains "WHY" she can't hang out with him that night.
> I don't think anyone in this world would interpret or draw a different conclusion than what I did but would love to hear if I am missing another direction it was going ?


She’s an accomplished liar. All cheaters lie a lot. They prey on people like you. You are honest and think everyone is like you. Sorry but that’s not how it works.

Trying to get the truth out of her is a waste of time. You know the truth. Accept it or keep yourself in limbo.


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## Intolerant72

She has not seen a tear nor will she and has commented to me about how I could be so cold and cruel towards her and I told her that carma is a mother ****er.


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## Marc878

Intolerant72 said:


> You are absolutely correct with saying that about liers.That is probably the toughest thing to get past as of now is that she was so cold and calculating with her lies that you question everything that you have shared with them as being a lie. I just don't get that and have a hard time trying to understand that in a person.


A good friend of mine said the hardest thing was accepting that his wife (now x) was just a very typical cheater. Nothing special about her at all. Dime a dozen.

Sounds like she’s done it before and will do it again. Serial cheaters never stop.


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## manowar

Intolerant72 said:


> She has not seen a tear nor will she and has commented to me about *how I could be so cold and cruel towards* her and I told her that *carma is a mother ****er.*



Damn that's good. This guy is 1/1000. This should be a model thread on how not to be a wimp.


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## Intolerant72

I don't believe people are whimps or weak I think it's as simple as we try to always see the good in people and love without limits. We are men that don't want to admit that we have been taken advantage of because it shows that we are weak,naive or otherwise dumb but love will make you believe and allow ignorant things to be done to you unt you find your heartbeat again than anyone that finds that strength to say not gonna happen to me that way again then you take charge of how your allowing yourself to be treated.


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## Intolerant72

Well a little update for all to read I walked up to my soon to be ex wife's lover boy REDACTED and asked if he had enjoyed ****ing my wife and then his statement hit me....
Who is your wife because I don't mess around with married women. So I tell him who she is and he says look man "She told me that she was not married" or involved with anyone else please believe me I didn't know she was married and I'm sorry for anything that I have caused in your relationship.
After I walked away from him I thought to myself how many men or women have been on that side of an affair that blindsided them as much as the cheated on individual.


----------



## Torninhalf

Intolerant72 said:


> Well a little update for all to read I walked up to my soon to be ex wife's lover boy and asked if he had enjoyed ****ing my wife and then his statement hit me....
> Who is your wife because I don't mess around with married women. So I tell him who she is and he says look man "She told me that she was not married" or involved with anyone else please believe me I didn't know she was married and I'm sorry for anything that I have caused in your relationship.
> After I walked away from him I thought to myself how many men or women have been on that side of an affair that blindsided them as much as the cheated on individual.


He was lying and that was stupid of you.


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## Lostinthought61

I know you are angry but please don’t put yourself in a position where you could get arrested.....she is not worth it.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Intolerant72 said:


> Well a little update for all to read I walked up to my soon to be ex wife's lover boy and asked if he had enjoyed ****ing my wife and then his statement hit me....
> Who is your wife because I don't mess around with married women. So I tell him who she is and he says look man "She told me that she was not married" or involved with anyone else please believe me I didn't know she was married and I'm sorry for anything that I have caused in your relationship.
> After I walked away from him I thought to myself how many men or women have been on that side of an affair that blindsided them as much as the cheated on individual.


That was not very smart. It made you feel good I know, but you could be charged with a crime if POSOM decided to push the issue. Is she worth doing time in the Greybar motel?


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## Evinrude58

Stupidest thing I ever heard. What did you expect him to say? Give me three steps give me three steps mister, and you’ll never see me no mo’—- that’s for sho’!

How does one walk up and do this btw? You sound kinda like you’ve done this before, Vinny.


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## Dictum Veritas

From an old soldier, never, never threaten with a weapon, it is for defensive and offensive purposes only and only to be brought to bare in high expectation of it's imminent use and in full cognizance of the consequences of such action. Such action may likely have unforeseen and definite consequences ranging in impact from devastating to inconvenient or financially costly.

That being said, you now know that your wife chooses to end her marriage each time she leaves your presence. Move along and make that chosen state of being single permanent for her where she no longer has the choice to use you as husband when it suits her. Speed along with that divorce and do as much as you can to completely cut her out of your life, protection and financial bubble immediately.

You have to remember also, that people in fear of their life would say anything in hope of another breath. What he told you might be the fabrication he though most likely to keep him breathing. I never fully trust the words of a scared and threatened man.


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## Wolfman1968

OP--
Very, very stupid move. (I'm not even going to quote it for your protection.)
@No Longer Lonely Husband is correct--you could get charged with a crime.
A cheating skank is not worth doing time for. 

Since you're thinking with your emotions, not your logic, let me tell you this: do not admit to ANYONE you did that. Not to police, not to your wife (soon to be ex), not to your family...NO ONE.
It would be OM's word against yours. Don't allow ANYONE get the ability to corroborate anything the OP claims/alleges.

The "yeah, I did it, but".... response will earn you jail time. No one cares about your "excuse" or "justification" for your actions. Least of all, the authorities.
So just deny. Deny, deny, deny. Make them prove it. Don't help them.


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## Kaliber

Intolerant72 said:


> I don't believe people are whimps or weak


Their is a story of a betrayed spouse where the EVIL wife was having an affair and was having sex in his house and on his bed, he found out that the OM (other man) sometimes finishes on his clothes and the poor husband wares it the next day to work, and the wife and AP both laughed through text, and sometimes when she finishes work she passes by her AP house for a quickie and comes home to have sex with her husband for sloppy seconds and they laughed about it through text.. BJ comes home kisses husband and they lough about it, she cucked him!
They were like playing games with the poor husband, It was a devastating story!
The husband was so weak he opted to reconcile with his wife!
Few month he comes back complaining that his wife doesn't do the sex acts she used to do with her AP, how weak is that?!

I know this story is extreme, but there are weak men, plenty of them, brows this forum and other relationship forums and you will see how many get cheated on horribly and stayed, even some got turned into cucks!
These type of men always get the bad deal, they live in misery!

@Intolerant72 Your wife will gaslight the hell out of you to not get divorced!
Look at it this way, at her age the prospect of her finding a decent husband or a any husband at all is almost ZERO, and she knows it!
All she will find is desperate men who want some bedroom action!
She had it all, and she blew it, she took you for granted, she took her marriage for granted, and at her age she should be thanking her lucky stars to have a loving husband and a home, but she allowed her self to be a side piece for another man and blow up her marriage!

You, on the other hand, you are middle aged man, you are in your prime age, you see, the prime age for men is between 40 and 55 years old, this is when men got their s**t together, you will find younger more beautiful women who are faithful and loving.

NEVER EVER settle with a cheater, don't deny yourself happens!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Evinrude58 said:


> Stupidest thing I ever heard. What did you expect him to say? Give me three steps give me three steps mister, and you’ll never see me no mo’—- that’s for sho’!
> 
> How does one walk up and do this btw? You sound kinda like you’ve done this before, Vinny.


ROTFLMAO! Love that song


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Wolfman1968 said:


> OP--
> Very, very stupid move. (I'm not even going to quote it for your protection.)
> @No Longer Lonely Husband is correct--you could get charged with a crime.
> A cheating skank is not worth doing time for.
> 
> Since you're thinking with your emotions, not your logic, let me tell you this: do not admit to ANYONE you did that. Not to police, not to your wife (soon to be ex), not to your family...NO ONE.
> It would be OM's word against yours. Don't allow ANYONE get the ability to corroborate anything the OP claims/alleges.
> 
> The "yeah, I did it, but".... response will earn you jail time. No one cares about your "excuse" or "justification" for your actions. Least of all, the authorities.
> So just deny. Deny, deny, deny. Make them prove it. Don't help them.


At my DDay I had to check my ego as I am wired to retaliate. My lawyer forwarned my not to get physical as I had assets to protect. It was hard. I just resorted to telling the POSOM “ Not if, but when” the day I encountered him on the other side of the gas pump a couple of months later as I was filling up my truck. I think Mr GQ POSOM **** his britches. The look on his face was priceless. Had he tried to get physical with me....well he knew he would be taken out in a body bag.


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## Intolerant72

Hello everyone it's been a solid 3 weeks since I went ghost and I wanted to apologize for doing that ignorant thing that I did to the OP. It's hard to keep yourself grounded when dealing with a thing of this magnitude. I do have some reporting to do so here goes. The OP called me and asked me to meet him somewhere because he would like to talk to me about the" issue" so I said sure and met him that night at a open well lite area just in case maybe he was thinking silly **** so I had put my phone on record so if anything went down I had proof on my side so he again apologies stating that she said that she was single and he never gets involved with anyone that has a SO and I do believe he was telling me the truth. 
So I had written down a few questions I wanted answered and he was very open to answering them.
1st question: How long have you two been ****ing for and who was the aggressor. He said he meet her at the bar one night around Thanksgiving 2019 she was with her black women friend from work and he said what's up you like black people and her response was "You gotta get it when you can get it besides ain't nothing wrong with a little dark chocolate"
So she gave him her number and the very next day the met at his place and had sex and that they was having sex probably 4-6 times a month. So I asked him where did you guys have sex at your place or mine house and he said she was clear that it was only at his house and said he never knew where she lived at other than the town. So I asked did you ever go down to Tennessee with her and he confirmed what I had assumed that he had gone down with her 3 times in 2020. So I asked didn't you ever get suspicious that she had someone else that was texting her and he said she claimed it was her roommate that was always texting her and calling her. Long story short she was sleeping with this guy since Thanksgiving 2019 and was playing him as well as 2 other men from her work and had a reputation around work as a *****. There was more questions but nothing really worth sharing. He said that she had told him that her ex husband had come back into her life in January 2021 but she was still giving it up until that night I ended it because she called him and told him that I found out she was seeing him while we was working on rekindling our relationship and she hasn't tried getting ahold of him since then. 
I haven't not heard from the soon to be EW since she was served with papers however we have a 6 month cooling off period before it will be granted. She came right over after being served and was trying to feed me all kinds of ******** lies about what had happened so I just let her keep going on so I got up and turned on my house stereo on Bluetoothed my phone to it and started playing my recording of her **** buddy spilling the beans on what was what and she turned as red as the sun and just started going crazy with anger at me and I finally got her hands around her back and told her how is she gonna get upset with me because she was caught red handed and that's that I haven't heard or seen her since the 4th of July.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

Intolerant72 said:


> Hello everyone it's been a solid 3 weeks since I went ghost and I wanted to apologize for doing that ignorant thing that I did to the OP. It's hard to keep yourself grounded when dealing with a thing of this magnitude. I do have some reporting to do so here goes. The OP called me and asked me to meet him somewhere because he would like to talk to me about the" issue" so I said sure and met him that night at a open well lite area just in case maybe he was thinking silly **** so I had put my phone on record so if anything went down I had proof on my side so he again apologies stating that she said that she was single and he never gets involved with anyone that has a SO and I do believe he was telling me the truth.
> So I had written down a few questions I wanted answered and he was very open to answering them.
> 1st question: How long have you two been ****ing for and who was the aggressor. He said he meet her at the bar one night around Thanksgiving 2019 she was with her black women friend from work and he said what's up you like black people and her response was "You gotta get it when you can get it besides ain't nothing wrong with a little dark chocolate"
> So she gave him her number and the very next day the met at his place and had sex and that they was having sex probably 4-6 times a month. So I asked him where did you guys have sex at your place or mine house and he said she was clear that it was only at his house and said he never knew where she lived at other than the town. So I asked did you ever go down to Tennessee with her and he confirmed what I had assumed that he had gone down with her 3 times in 2020. So I asked didn't you ever get suspicious that she had someone else that was texting her and he said she claimed it was her roommate that was always texting her and calling her. Long story short she was sleeping with this guy since Thanksgiving 2019 and was playing him as well as 2 other men from her work and had a reputation around work as a ***. There was more questions but nothing really worth sharing. He said that she had told him that her ex husband had come back into her life in January 2021 but she was still giving it up until that night I ended it because she called him and told him that I found out she was seeing him while we was working on rekindling our relationship and she hasn't tried getting ahold of him since then.
> I haven't not heard from the soon to be EW since she was served with papers however we have a 6 month cooling off period before it will be granted. She came right over after being served and was trying to feed me all kinds of ****** lies about what had happened so I just let her keep going on so I got up and turned on my house stereo on Bluetoothed my phone to it and started playing my recording of her **** buddy spilling the beans on what was what and she turned as red as the sun and just started going crazy with anger at me and I finally got her hands around her back and told her how is she gonna get upset with me because she was caught red handed and that's that I haven't heard or seen her since the 4th of July.


What a lying, effing *****. I'm so sorry you are going through this At least you have no doubts about what happened and that you are right to be done with it all.


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## jlg07

Keep to no contact, let everyone know WHY you are divorcing her (although it sounds like everyone she works with already know this). Live YOUR life.


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## Intolerant72

I believe the tick is moving back to Tennessee as soon as she can find another host to uproot with her.
I have walked pass her many time the last few weeks and I never one time even acknowledge her presence.
The hurt will hit out of the blue very soon I'm sure but I'm still very hatful at this time.


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## Anastasia6

Intolerant72 said:


> I believe the tick is moving back to Tennessee as soon as she can find another host to uproot with her.
> I have walked pass her many time the last few weeks and I never one time even acknowledge her presence.
> The hurt will hit out of the blue very soon I'm sure but I'm still very hatful at this time.


I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope the divorce is smooth.

By the way. You are OP (original poster). he is OM(other man). She is STBXW (soon to be exwife)


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## Intolerant72

Yep after I posted and read it I obviously had a brain fart but thanks for correcting me


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## Lostinthought61

We were worried that you might have gotten trouble, glad you are okay....ghosted her because she is nothing but trash.


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## Anastasia6

Intolerant72 said:


> Yep after I posted and read it I obviously had a brain fart but thanks for correcting me


I just wish you didn't have to know those abbreviation at all. HUG>


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## Marc878

Meh, you didn’t lose a thing. Dump a cheater gain a life.


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## Intolerant72

My head is getting clearer and I find myself not thinking about her more and more every day. 
Now I just have to find myself a friend to help with my swelling issue but **** the way I was played there has to be plenty of them out there.


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## Dictum Veritas

I am very hesitant to call people trash, but I can definitively state that Intolerant, your X-SO is pure trash and that you are well rid of her. You are well rid of her.


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## plomito

Intolerant72 said:


> My plan that I had only crumbled at the edge and I have already spoken to a divorce lawyer and will meet with her next week. We are both about to turn 50. Our children are from previous marriages none together.
> I only showed enough for her to realize that I was not tolerating any more of her lies,excuses or anything on that line and I had made my decision that it was over. She sent a text to me around 10:00 am stating that her vehicle broke and wouldn't move and was stranded in the road. So being the nice guy that I am I said well call this number and I'm sure he will be more than willing to help you and sent her lovers phone number to her then immediately followed up with what was I thinking you already have that number.
> I guess all this has turned me a little to the revenge side and it feels good to release a little back at her. When I confronted her last night after things cools a little I told her she needed to find a place to stay for the night and she agreed and as soon as she was out of the driveway I started loading up everything that was hers into my enclosed trailer and finished with it all this morning and towed it to her mother's house unhooked it told her mother what has been happening and said everything she owns is in there and she could keep the trailer and not to come back to my property or I will have her arrested. She has since tried to call and text me so many times that I had to block her number from my phone.
> It really sucks and I am really depressed but at the same time I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in better than a month.


Hold strong brother. You have some dark hours ahead of you but don't let your brain drive you crazy. Try to keep yourself busy and always know you did the right thing by walking away from a toxic relationship. Time heals all wounds. 

Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk


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## Intolerant72

Check this out my STBEW has been running around town claiming that she caught me having an affair on her so I uploaded my video of me asking OM how long has he been ****ing my wife to my Facebook page so now let the truth be known


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## BigDaddyNY

Intolerant72 said:


> Check this out my STBEW has been running around town claiming that she caught me having an affair on her so I uploaded my video of me asking OM how long has he been ****ing my wife to my Facebook page so now let the truth be known


She played with fire and got burned. She must not be very smart.


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## Intolerant72

Yes she did and she is probably in the top 10 for the dumbest things to do to your betrayed ex.


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## Openminded

Bet she wishes now she could have a redo on that.


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## Diceplayer

Oh man, that is classic! Good move.


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## Kaliber

Intolerant72 said:


> Check this out my STBEW has been running around town claiming that she caught me having an affair on her so I uploaded my video of me asking OM how long has he been ****ing my wife to my Facebook page so now let the truth be known


Maaa Maaan!


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## Intolerant72

The morning I caught her I knew she was gonna go see him just by they way she was giving more info than needed about a doctor's appointment in the same town where she worked and he lived so as I was leaving for work she gave some wet kiss and said I love you knowing that in a 1 1/2 she would at his place in his bed with him. So I drove up and sat across the street from his apartment complex and waited, watched her drive up go in and I gave them about 30 minutes then I texted her and asked how her doctors appointment went and she said good I'm waiting to getting my blood draw. This was about 45 minutes after her doctors appt was supposed to be and I said well I cut my hand and almost to the hospital where are you at I'll come see you real quick and then she went into panic mode with I'm just leaving so sorry I guess I'll see you at home never asking how bad I cut my hand or anything. So about 10 minutes later she jumps into her car and drives down the road and pulls into an oil change place and gets her car serviced not realizing that I had just change the oil that previous weekend so she texted me saying I stopped to get my oil changed so I'll see you at home and I never responded back to her but watched her leave the oil change place and drive back to OM place run back in for maybe 5 minutes then left. I drove right over and parked right behind his car as he was getting something out of the trunk and asked him "HEY HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND JENNIFER BEEN ****ING" and had my phone recording it all.
What really makes me scratch my head is how someone that claims to love you so much gives you a kiss and tells you that they live you knowing that in less that 2 hours she will be laying in another man's bed.
I guess I'm not wired to think and act like that and I'm glad I'm not


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## Evinrude58

Why are you still with her?


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## plomito

Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you still with her?


Yeah I'm confused. I thought he left her. 

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## Intolerant72

NO I am not with her I was just letting out a little of how it went down that morning I caught her and then when I recorded him. 
Hell no she is someone else's problem now


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## plomito

Intolerant72 said:


> NO I am not with her I was just letting out a little of how it went down that morning I caught her and then when I recorded him.
> Hell no she is someone else's problem now


Oh ok. Good to hear that. 

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## ABHale

So, what happened after you posted the video of how long she had been cheating on you?


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## Intolerant72

I had quite a few of her friends comment that they was sorry for me and never saw that side of her but you don't get as good as she is with your "FIRST AT BAT" 
This is been perfected over many years I believe due to her abilities to convince me that my mind was not seeing what it was seeing, her ability to set lies up in advance to cover her lies in the future was mind baffling to me. I have gone through all my texts between her and I and can pinpoint just by her wording of things when she was lieing. I had thought that she was using her job benefits of the blue line thing as her way of seeing the OM but she would only see him in the am like 7:30-8:00 after she was certain that I was at work 50 miles away. She used her work benefits to hook-up at the bar she was at on the regular and is the same bar that the OM and her first exchanged numbers.


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## BigDaddyNY

Intolerant72 said:


> I had quite a few of her friends comment that they was sorry for me and never saw that side of her but you don't get as good as she is with your "FIRST AT BAT"
> This is been perfected over many years I believe due to her abilities to convince me that my mind was not seeing what it was seeing, her ability to set lies up in advance to cover her lies in the future was mind baffling to me. I have gone through all my texts between her and I and can pinpoint just by her wording of things when she was lieing. I had thought that she was using her job benefits of the blue line thing as her way of seeing the OM but she would only see him in the am like 7:30-8:00 after she was certain that I was at work 50 miles away. She used her work benefits to hook-up at the bar she was at on the regular and is the same bar that the OM and her first exchanged numbers.


I sure hope you've gotten an STD test.


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## 342693

Cut your losses and move on. She sounds like a typical lying low life, so count yourself lucky that you didn't waste more of your life with her. And the POS she's messing around with will dump her soon enough. Just don't be an idiot and take her back. Trust me, she will try...most do. Yeah being lonely for a while sucks, but being a doormat is much worse.


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## Intolerant72

Yes I was tested and everything was negative.

I went completely NC with STBXW when I loaded all her belongings up in a enclosed trailer and dropped it off at her mother's house ab


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## plomito

Intolerant72 said:


> Yes I was tested and everything was negative.
> 
> I went completely NC with STBXW when I loaded all her belongings up in a enclosed trailer and dropped it off at her mother's house ab


Glad everything is ok. 

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## ABHale

You know we are here when ever you feel like talking things over. 

I know this is a messed up situation. I also know you could really help others that are going through the same.


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## plomito

ABHale said:


> You know we are here when ever you feel like talking things over.
> 
> I know this is a messed up situation. I also know you could really help others that are going through the same.


Is crazy how sometimes you think you are the only one going through a similar situation and then you come here and find your not the only one. 

To OP. Just keep your head up. Maybe there will days you will feel sad or miss her and guess what? That is ok, because you had feelings for her, and there is nothing wrong with that. Stay strong and better things will come your way. 

I was in a similar situation and 4 years later I can tell you I'm so much better. 

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## Intolerant72

Thanks for all the support and it gets tough but I have put together everything I have found out about her and her unmoral way of life on paper so when I start to feel like I'm missing myself being drained by that tick again I just start reading and I don't have to read for very long and I'm back to reality. It sucks because I still love her but with that said I now know where that phrase 
"I LOVE TO HATE YOU" came from. 
I have been thinking about trying to put together all the key things that I have found out during this miserable journey of lies and betrayals and get them posted maybe it will resonate with another unlucky soul that finds themselves here looking for answers.
There are a lot of things that I put together after I confronted the STBX and had I know these little clues and little tricks very early in my initial red flag warning I may have chosen to go about things a little differently and would not have been so on the fence at first.
I will keep you informed if I do and I am on here multiple times daily reading all the things I can so hopefully there will never be another next time with that again


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## Evinrude58

I hope you do the smart thing and ditch her.


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## Quad73

Intolerant72 said:


> Thanks for all the support and it gets tough but I have put together everything I have found out about her and her unmoral way of life on paper so when I start to feel like I'm missing myself being drained by that tick again I just start reading and I don't have to read for very long and I'm back to reality. It sucks because I still love her but with that said I now know where that phrase
> "I LOVE TO HATE YOU" came from.
> I have been thinking about trying to put together all the key things that I have found out during this miserable journey of lies and betrayals and get them posted maybe it will resonate with another unlucky soul that finds themselves here looking for answers.
> There are a lot of things that I put together after I confronted the STBX and had I know these little clues and little tricks very early in my initial red flag warning I may have chosen to go about things a little differently and would not have been so on the fence at first.
> I will keep you informed if I do and I am on here multiple times daily reading all the things I can so hopefully there will never be another next time with that again


Documenting all the small red flags you encountered would likely be a great service to you, so you can reread them as needed in the future, and for everyone here. Please do it!


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## Kamstel2

Just wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing.

hope everything is going well.

hang in there and good luck


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## Talker67

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> That was not very smart. It made you feel good I know, but you could be charged with a crime if POSOM decided to push the issue. Is she worth doing time in the Greybar motel?


it is good you are not being a pushover.
but the advice above is spot on, she will get vindictive, and expect her to try to get the police involved. NO contact is the way to go. if you have to meet with her, make sure you bring along an observer. and do NOT confront the OM....once again she may call the police and file a false report.


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