# Accept ther person but not the behavior....



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Here is my question. I have heard people say this before but not quite sure I understand. 

I have heard people say, you should accept people for who they are (especially loved ones, spouses, family etc), their flaws, their weakness, because no one is perfect and we all have issues. 

Ok I get that. However, I have heard people say just because you accept a person as they are doesn't mean you have to accept their behavior. Ok, well if you are accepting them how they are, wouldn't you be accepting their behavior as well?

Let's say, you are involved with someone who is doing you wrong, or is a drug addict, or has some kind of damaging behavior that is carrying over onto you or your family life. How do you accept the person for who they are but not accept the behavior? This is all based on the fact a person has chosen to stay in the situation. Not get divorced etc.

Maybe that is the 64,000 dollar question for some people who are living with spouse or family member whose behavior isn't good, or damaging, they love them and want to accept their flaws but not the behavior.

Thoughts?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Hopefully others will have more insight, but the only thing I can think of right now, (and based on MY experience) is...if a person is with someone whose behavior is unacceptable, you can still love that person, try to understand where their issues/behavior comes from. Yes, we all have issues. As far as the behavior goes, if that person isn't willing to divorce etc, then detachment is the only thing I know as far as not really accepting the behavior. 

When I was married to my first wife who was a drug addict, I loved her, I didn't want a divorce, although I knew I couldn't help her and that she had to help herself. I practiced detachment. It can work and did for awhile. The problem I had with myself was, no matter how much I detached from her behavior, it still hurt me greatly. To the point to where divorce ended being my only option, because I didn't want to live like that and hurt anymore. For me I could only detach so far before it still just really got to me. 

So love them for who they are. Accept the fact it is what it is, and they have flaws as we all do. As far as behavior, learn about detachment. Its something that will not happen overnight, but can be done.


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