# Can't live like this-My heart is broken



## JAG (Dec 29, 2010)

You know i was always strong and not in a million years could i ever have imagined that someone could suffer so much from a broken heart. I am worn down and broken, i am so hurt, angry and sad. Every minute is a living hell.... I'm not a bad person, i'm not a great person and have hundreds of faults but i don;t deserve this..
Maybe if i was stronger i could deal some way and over time heal but i can see no light at the end of the tunnel.
My wife who i still love and worship decided on the 1/6/11 that we should seperate. I caught her flirting since x-mas on facebook, texts and nights out with other men. I have always been faithful. Our 10 years of marriage i spent working to pay for a nice home and to give our 3 small children everything they needed. I had no life, no hobbies and rarely went out. I gave her every spare penny i had. 
She maintains that we don't have an attachment and that after she had 2 misscarriages she lost all emotional drive. She says she loves me but that we have grown too far apart. She is happy to move on and says she only interest now is the kids.
Since the split i am crying everyday and not able to function. She wants me to stay in the house but sleeping in the attic and seeing her everyday only remind me of what i've lost. I had a bad childhood and i keep my emotions to myself and withdrawn. I should have spoken to her more but she admitts that she was no better.
I feel so hurt, angry and my heart and soul has been ripped from my body. I can't live like this anymore. I just want to end it all. I love my kids so much but i can't even think of them now. I know everyone will be better off without me.... Councelling won't help. I went for 2 sessions already and he is going through my childhood and helping me to open up and in the long term to be happy in myself. He said i should let the marriage go as it will only keep hurting me thinking that we might get back together. But I can't. I love her and without her there is nothing. I'm 41 and end up with nothing, no money no marriage no family, no home...... How can i start over.....
Why do so many people die everyday and i'm let live throgh this, i wish i had cancer and could die........
the only reason i'm here telling this pathetic story is that i need to tell people how i feel...........


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## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Here's what I'm going to say.....
My heart was equally ripped out. I know how you feel. I have so many of the same feelings as you do. I know how you're hurting.

You'll be getting an abundance of advice around here. Listen to what people say. Most of it is from experience, and straight forward. Some of it you may not like.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Jag, relax, deep breath,

Get out of the house as soon as possible. Staying there is like keeping your hand over a flame and wondering why it is hurting.

No woman on this planet is worth the pain you are feeling and do not succumb to thoughts of demise because of her. There are many people within this forum who loved their spouses intently, were betrayed, and have gone on to live happy lives. Have faith that you are not an exception and will follow in their footsteps.

Feeling your pain...
BigToe


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Jag along with the previous posters I'd like to add that your therapist seems to be working against you and your wife's best interest. He says walk away from your marriage when he should be helpng you work out how to hold your marriage together. Your sense of hopelessness is related to the therapist giving up on your marriage before you are ready. 

If you could direct your energies into an effective approach to save your marriage would you feel better? My advice is to find a marriage positive therapist who takes your desires into account. I have not read all of your post but I notice that we are far too ready to give up on relationships. People seem to feel that if one relationship does not work another will come along. 

The problem is that 2nd marriages failure rate is about 70%. That's because the problems from one relationship is carried over to the next. Why not work on the problems in the first relationship and create a new relationship that is stronger. 

Concentrate on the next step you will take to turn the situation into one that will give you a road map to restoration of your marriage. Even if it does not work tge effort will make you a better person and your next relationship will be successful. I just think you are not ready to give up and you should be supported by your therapist. I think the reason you are feeling so defeated is because your desires have not been honored. 

I wish you the very best - concentrate on your next move in tge positive direction take charge and find a therapist that connects with you and will do what is best for you and your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

Hang in there JAG.....There are lots of us on here that can definitely empathize. I swear if I knew the secret to letting the hurt go, I would share....


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Women who have left the marriage RARELY come back. Almost never. And as I just mentioned on his other thread, in-house separations don't work. His therapist is spot-on. He needs to start moving past. 41 is nothing. He's got to start over, somewhere else. People do it every day.


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## JAG (Dec 29, 2010)

Your advice was very helpful and along with the same from 2 of my very good friend i think i have turned a small corner. She got in a 4am last night and i was all nice to her this morning. 
She doesn't know but i'm meeting a barrister friend today for coffee and advice. 
Your right in house separation doesn't work, all it is for her is in house child minding. Well she wants to be separated so i shall give what she wants. I think she will find that someone not there anymore to pay bills, clean house and mind kids will be a shock to the system. I'm not going to leave the house because i was told that it states that i give up all legal right to the property. 
Anyway coffee today will reveal alot about my future options. I'm not being nasty or bitter but i can't live like this, i need to distant myself and get the old Jag back.


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## JAG (Dec 29, 2010)

You know if she was keen to move out, maybe it wouldn't be so bad but she will sit put in the home... Hard to see your last 10 yrs go down the drain. Building a home, a family and assets so in the future we might be better off. Now in the blink of an eye it's all gone. Stating over at 41 is c**p. Screwed for the rest of your life... God what a time, i know no time is good to finish a marriage but in the middle of the worse recession ever.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

JAG said:


> I love her and without her there is nothing.


WRONG. There is life without her. 
Sorry to hear you are so beaten down right now but a broken heart is truly a motherf-cker. It takes so much out of you, especially when you're the one who got dumped.
But this is all very normal, what you're feeling, how your self-esteem has been shot, how you just want to crawl in a hole and die. 

But don't. 

Your kids need you. You are their role model. So start looking up and being cheerful and putting one foot before the other and moving forward.

Living together during a separation has got to be maddening. What steps can you take in order to start to move on with your life? Have either of you filed? If not, do so. 

I am of the school that the person who wants out should be the one to leave. Why are you sleeping in the attic??? She should be sleeping in the attic! 

Remember, your kids are looking to you for guidance during this most difficult time so lead by example. Don't let them see you dragged down. Be there for them. Show them there is life and it goes on after all of this mess she created. 

If you haven't been tested for STDs, DO so. 

Go out and get yourself some new cologne, join a gym, pick up a new hobby. Smile at a pretty lady on the street.

Life is just starting. It sucks that this happened to your marriage but you are not the first in this scenario nor are you alone. 

Reclaim your life. Get it bad


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> The problem is that 2nd marriages failure rate is about 70%. That's because the problems from one relationship is carried over to the next. Why not work on the problems in the first relationship and create a new relationship that is stronger.


That's true however it takes TWO people willing to make that happen. When one person wants out, you can't create a new relationship together. Most break ups and divorces are NOT mutual.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

You need to see a doctor and get on an anti-depressant right away.

No person is worth dying for. There is a thing as loving someone too much, when it is unhealthy. No person can ever possibly be your entire world. That is because no single person is capable of making your life complete. 

We are born alone and we die alone. Start having a love affair with yourself. Stop focusing your energy on someone who is abusing you and start learning how to love yourself.

When you give your entire well-being over to another person, you lose yourself completely. That is no healthy. Take back your power!

I would also like to respectfully disagree with the other poster who said your therapist is not helping you. Your therapist wants you to move away from your toxic, co-dependent relationship with the person who is hurting you. Your therapist is helping you to protect yourself so you can stop your downward cycle. This is the best thing for you to do. Subjecting yourself to someone who is hurting you is not healthy. I think your therapist is trying to help you stand on your own and survive.


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## JAG (Dec 29, 2010)

Ok Everyone, One last try. I'M heading this Sunday to Turkey for a week with a friend. He is taking me away because he knows the suffering i'm going through.
Anyway the plan is that when i return i will move out. I have a place to stay, renting a room.....
The only thing is i still love her so i will make one last attempt to save this marriage. I will ask her is there no way to save it, through therapy, hard work etc,etc,etc. If she says NO. Well then at least i can leave without a guilty conscience knowing that i tryed but it just wasn't possible.


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## JAG (Dec 29, 2010)

I forgot the point of putting up the post. Should i say this to her before i go on holiday or give her time to herself and say it when i get back in a week?????????
All suggestions welcome.


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