# You're so controlling! she says.



## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

I heard it again this morning. It involved a discussion about me wanting to continue to drop the kids off at school and pick them up insted of ride the bus, we live only a couple blocks away from the Elementary School. To me this is an enjoyable family time and one of the last ones my wife and I do together.

I feel a constant onslaught from her trying to severe all ties possible between us. It is painful for sure how she is doing this. I want my family to work but she seems to have checked out. If that is the way it is going to be fine, but she doesn't want a divorce?! She wants to be a cake eater...or so it seems.

How the hell do you stop the process? Somewhere I read a timeline that had the process of disconnect mapped out. Is it possible to turn this around?


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## RDL (Feb 10, 2012)

You have little background information to go on in your post. So the following advice may not apply to you.

However please go read the synopsis on this site: Infidelity, Cheating Wives - Women's Infidelity and see if it resembles what you are experiencing.

If it does than read the full book and come back with feedback once you read it.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Don't let her comments get to you. Try to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. They are what matter right now. Your marriage can only be turned around if both people want it. Right now it sounds like she doesn't. Is there family that live locally that you can ship her to? Sometimes a seperation helps to open their eyes. Also check out information on the 180. PM me if you need help finding it. You need to protect yourself right now.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

We live about a mile and 1/2 from our child's school. Over my dead body will she ride a bus. I've heard the horror stories of kids on the bus, bus accidents, kids getting dropped off at wrong stops, etc. What a complete nightmare. I wouldn't be able to focus on work if I had to send her to the bus every day, and then wonder if she'll make it home ok after school.

Thank GOD my hubs can take her to school, and then the after school care place picks her up, along with some of the other kids that go there.

Do your BEST to keep your kids off the bus. Good for you for wanting that extra time. I wish my job allowed flexibility for me to take my daughter to school.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hmm. Make sure there isn't a third person in the m check phone records get a keylogger and check for new/secret email accts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

southern wife said:


> We live about a mile and 1/2 from our child's school. Over my dead body will she ride a bus. I've heard the horror stories of kids on the bus, bus accidents, kids getting dropped off at wrong stops, etc. What a complete nightmare. I wouldn't be able to focus on work if I had to send her to the bus every day, and then wonder if she'll make it home ok after school.
> 
> Thank GOD my hubs can take her to school, and then the after school care place picks her up, along with some of the other kids that go there.
> 
> Do your BEST to keep your kids off the bus. Good for you for wanting that extra time. I wish my job allowed flexibility for me to take my daughter to school.


huh. Go figure.

On the other hand, the bus can be no big deal either. Shrug. 'Horror stories' not required.


of course - this thread has *nothing whatsoever* to do with 'the bus'..its about everything else that is going on between you 2. 

If she has - as you say - 'checked out', and you (to her) seem to be grasping at straws and being overly controlling - then sounds like you both need to have a sit-down and figure it out.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Also as noted by tom67, the "controlling" word is often tossed out there by cheating spouses but without further information from you on the change in your marriage (particularly, changes in your wife) it's hard to tell


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

When my wife calls me "controlling" she is presenting textbook projection where she is projecting a characteristic she doesn't like about herself onto me. I'm actually a consensus guy. My response is "I completely understand why you feel this way" (because I do).


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## Jake56 (Oct 7, 2012)

As others said its hard to give advice without some background info. In either case maybe the two of you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about what needs to happen. At least that seems like a good idea considering you both are probably unhappy with the way things are.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Thanks for the replies.

Sorry, yes I have a couple other threads that go more into detail. 

In short my wife is infatuated with her girlfriend and her GF's family, to the point of an EA. She of course will not admit to it and continues on with her life. Everything for my wife revolves around this GF so of course I am completely ignored.

We have allready had multiple sitdowns, discussions, interventions.....I will readily admit to my problems in the relationship but she just does not grasp on to what she is doing. She says that it is just her best friend and that she is doing nothing wrong. 

I try to reconnect and she will push away or sabotage what I am doing. I will try to make plans to go out to lunch or see a movie and something will always "come up". She says "how do you expect me to change over night", from resentment she has for things I have done. BUT I have soooo much resentment from even the last 6 months that I can hardly wrap my head around some of the **** she has done to me. I don't know anymore...

All I do know is I am not happy at all, I have let her know and she doesn't seem to care. Brushes it off like it means nothing.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

FreedomCorp said:


> You have little background information to go on in your post. So the following advice may not apply to you.
> 
> However please go read the synopsis on this site: Infidelity, Cheating Wives - Women's Infidelity and see if it resembles what you are experiencing.
> 
> If it does than read the full book and come back with feedback once you read it.


Yep, I checked out the page and it sounds like that. Just replace a man with a woman and minus the actual PA. I do understand that sooner or later it will most likely end with a PA though. I do not want to get to that point, I either want this fixed or divorce now before it gets there.


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## Jake56 (Oct 7, 2012)

It sounds like divorce might be a viable option considering her behavior and unwillingness to be understanding or even mature from what you describe. Cant imagine how much that sort of situation must suck!


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Well we got into it again! During she said she is scared of me?! Caught me off guard that is for sure, I just left. I don't understand? I have never been violent, never put my hands on her, never throw things, never punch walls or whatever. 

In the past she has also said during arguments things like "what are you going to do hit me now", I have heard that twice now... When I hear that I just feel so betrayed.

I think she is using it as a scape goat for the inevitable which I think we both know is near. Well that did it, I am done it is not near it is here. This is to dangerous, I can not risk her trying to soil my name. 

I have a meeting with the lawyers Friday.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

Another Planet said:


> Well we got into it again! During she said she is scared of me?! Caught me off guard that is for sure, I just left. I don't understand? I have never been violent, never put my hands on her, never throw things, never punch walls or whatever.
> 
> In the past she has also said during arguments things like "what are you going to do hit me now", I have heard that twice now... When I hear that I just feel so betrayed.
> 
> ...


She's blame-shifting bud. I have a STBXW who did the same thing. Said *I* was the one who was too controlling but yet somehow I couldn't even cook right, clean the house right, make enough money right, couldn't pet her cat right, etc. etc.

And she also called the cops stating she was in fear of her life because I had guns in the house after she kept assaulting me and I later threw a cup of water on her when she came at me again. To her, that was the last straw -- that *I* assaulted her....:rofl:

Time to make a decision.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Carry a recorder on your person at all times.
Seems like she will go with the false DV charge against you... Then you lose your kids.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

There is a chance she is trying to create some distance between you and the kids.

There are two reasons she would do this. One, she may be jealous of the close relationship you have with your kids. Two, if you do divorce (and it sounds very likely) you being a good dad will make her life harder. You are setting a higher bar for her when the kids are with her.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Controlling is a word used by manipulative people to get you to do what they want out of guilt and shame.

Set clear boundaries and do not let intimidation or fear of being "controlling" stop you from setting boundaries and enforcing consequences.

If your wife is obsessed with another person, man or woman, then you need to clearly state that it is affecting the marriage and that you are not OK with it. Be prepared to move on.

While you are endlessly committed to sticking around no matter what, you will be her doormat. She'll continue to cake eat as long as you let her. Do not wait for her to make a decision, because you'll be in this situation forever.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to deeply investigate and find who she is interested in. She's baiting you and building up justification for her relationship with another person.

You need to find that other person.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Well I had a meeting with a lawyer Friday but I don't know if she caught wind something was going down but she sabotaged it by "getting called into work" and I had to reschedule. Which is fine because I am going to start the process myself with my brother inlaws help. Found out to file you just need a bunch of paperwork lined up and $240. It looks like it will be easy enough if she will agree to 50/50 split and we get the chld support ordered (which is of course BS).

She seems to still be toying around with me but this extra time has really let me think and get my head straight. Cleared the fog she had me in. 

I actually couldn't sleep last night because I was worried about the other family and how as soon as this goes down she is going to latch on to them and destroy their lives too. Probably sleep with her friends husband or something terrible like that.


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