# He's not willing to change



## crazynluv (Oct 8, 2009)

Hi all. Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully lend some advice. My husband is a bit stuck in his ways. He cheats and says that as long as he's respectful and doesn't do it in front of my face then I shouldn't have a problem. ? Is this the way all men think. Well is it cheating? If I'm holding conversations with men while my husbands at work. I'm telling them whatever it is they want to hear including am single and looking for a good man. He's sent me pictures of himself and I've sent him pictures of me (sexual). Is that cheating? I have gotten to the point that I want my marriage to work so bad that some of these things and his lies I go along with. What's wrong with me?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

No, this is not the way all men think. You can't call it respectful to cheat on your spouse. Hiding it from you is not respectful. Doing it at all is not respectful. And he knows it.

Now on this chatting with other men and exchanging pictures -- are you doing that? I'm kind of lost on that mid-stream change from discussing his thinking to the men/sexual photos thing. If you are doing that, it is disrespectful to your marriage and while it isn't technically cheating, I would say that it is slapping a big toe right against the line. It isn't cool.

I think you have to ask yourself why you would be willing to make your marriage "work" when your marriage isn't working for you. Are you afraid of perhaps your family's judgement? Would anyone in their right mind tell you you are wrong for leaving a cheater who doesn't think he's doing anything wrong? Heck no. So what are you trying to hold onto and for what purpose?


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. If two married people agree to have an "open" marriage then I personally don't see anything wrong with that - but what I'm hearing you say is that you are NOT ok with him being unfaithful. So - you have every right to be upset by his behavior. 

So in his worldview, cheating is not disprespectful as long as the other doesn't know about it. I'd seriously wonder if he really believes that and how he'd react if you were the one cheating.

Regarding your e-mail contact and sexual picture exchange with other men: You and he need to define "cheating" in your marriage - and ideally, agree with the parameters. If one of you is not pleased with the situation, you will have bigger problems down the road.


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## crazynluv (Oct 8, 2009)

No, I think I miscommunicated the situation. Im not at all exchanging pictures or emails. It is all him. He has this code that it's not cheating. but how is it not cheating.


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

Thanks for clarifying - it doesn't sound like very respectful behavior on his part. You have a right to decide if it doesn't work for you if he's not willing to do something different.


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