# She Needs Space? WTF? Please help!



## Alwaysconfused (Feb 18, 2010)

Hi. My wife has told me that she wants to be separated (Feb. 13th right before Valentine's Day) because she says "I need space!!" to gather herself together. We have been having a crumbling marriage for the past few months (married for 2.5 years). Every since we had our first child she has been different but not strange.

She has told me that she wants to fall back in love with her husband again but that's hard to believe at this time. She has isolated her feelings and wont have a conversation with me unless we are in a session. We can't have a conversation w/o her having an emotional breakdown. I decided to stay at my parents house for a while but I feel that by moving out it'll only give her more of a reason to keep me out.

I will not be w/o my Son who is my entire life. I work long days and come home to stay up at night with my Son when he awakens (he's 14 months), I pay the rent and all the utilities and support my family as best as I can.

Therefore I confused. If I work hard, treasure my wife and Son, pay for all the things we need, dedicated to family and GOD, please tell me what I'm doing wrong.

Why does she get to destroy our family? So should I give her space or should I get ready to serve her with divorce papers?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Just working long hours and paying the bills is not enough. I know it is hard to take care of a family. But you risk what you have now. But this sounds like more than that. 

No I would not give her space. Space for what? Often that means they have found someone else. So you need to do a little investigating first to see if there is another guy. Do not move out!!!!

You should do His Needs her Needs together but I see she is a basket case.
But I think you should read it. 

This very well could be hormonal. Has she gone to a doctor over this?

Does she always speak in the 3rd person?


Does she work?

Have you found full time work yet. Your previous threads indicate that there were problems well before your son.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

"I need space" is womanese for "I've met someone..."


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I need space is no good. DO NOT leave the home. If she needs space, then she needs to figure out how to do that without disrupting your life and your son's life. She needs to take a short vacation or whatever. But I would look into this some more. It definitely sounds like there's someone else.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Give her space.... in the form of divorce papers served at her workplace or home.

See how she likes that space.


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## Alwaysconfused (Feb 18, 2010)

Thank you for the responses. They are helpful. I should look into it more. But why do they ask for a "separation" instead of a divorce?

I organized the paperwork to file. I have not filed them yet. We have a counseling appointment on Wednesday. I am going to ask her what is the goal and what is she willing to do? I will then make the decision to move forward. Any advice??

I will probably serve her myself.


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## Alwaysconfused (Feb 18, 2010)

BTW I did find a full time job which is why I am away from home so much. Thank you for asking and I appreciate the concern.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

They ask for a separation because that way they feel free to cheat, but they still have you for backup.

Sucks.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Post partum depression? Lasts a heckova lot longer than post partum blues (the baby blues). Has she seen a doc?

Hoping it's not someone else....


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Find the OM she is talking with and she won't need so much space.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alwaysconfused (Feb 18, 2010)

I spoke with her today to ask her to be honest if there is an OM. She said "No. Not at all." It just makes you feel pretty worthless when the only reason that the STBXW calls you is for $ and to confirm times of visitation.

I really like what another thread had said "I Love my wife but I don't love the woman who walked out or needs to be separated."

I'm keeping my head up for me and my son. Damn Right! :smthumbup:


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

My wife announced the wanted a separation on Dec 11th. On January 1st she moved to her parents at my insistance - this would have been our 7th wedding anniversary. February 1st she moved her stuff out. Now she has the space and time she needs. Early last week she still denied there was anyone else... but now I don't really care if there is or not. AC, maybe there is someone else, maybe there isn't. 

Actually, in your previous post you might have been referring to me, although many have said something along those lines... I love and miss my wife, but I don't miss and love the woman who left me. To add to that, there is no point being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.

If MC is an option, I hope you explore that together. It has worked for many, but in my case, it was my wife's way of paving the road out of the marriage. So be it. I am worth more than to be someone's option. She has been away from our home for 1.5 months and is still "not sure" about us, despite thinking it's unlikely we'll ever get back together. I am NOT an option.

Besides, in my case, I doubt I could ever trust her again emotionally. Even before our separation I thought to myself... "I love her, but I'm not sure I like her as a person anymore". She's changed, and is now married to her career and selfishness. 

If this works out for you, great. If not, do not undervalue yourself and what you have to offer. No relationship should define you as an individual. 

Very best wishes.


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