# working through mediation



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

So today was a so-so day......still trying to wrap me head around all this and know that my life is changing, wether I am read or not.

My H talked to me a bit about what we each want out of mediation and after all this, he wants to leave with nothing, just the bare essentials, but will leave me everything. Right now I am workignon my debt to income ratio in order to be able to get the house in my name only....he told me today he really wants me to keep it and will help me in trying to do so (weird huh??) I told him I would be asking for "spousal support" through Aug of next yr at most and by then I can pay off some bills...get a raise at work, claim 2 yrs commisions etc and he sounded like he would help. He said anything he could do to make this easier on me he would do....he wants to make sure I am taken care of.

I started crying and told him i didn't understand him...i really dont... he said he will leave his 401k with me....help me with the house....leave everything in the house for me.... but he still wants out....its so confusing I had to tell him i couldn't talk about this anymore...it was too emotional. He even said if I needed to lower the house or put a chunk of payment on it he would do it for me. 

He is moving out at the end of the month, he found his own place near his work. I am dreading the day I start seeing things leaving the house, all his stuff slowly moving out of here...breaks my heart.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

That's so heart breaking Shelly....I completely got what you felt like reading your post. It's soooo hard when they are nice, it's almost easier to get get angry and hate him but then you remember good stuff when they are kind to you....emotional roller coaster  Sounds like you still don't understand why he wants to leave....did the counseling help with that? Maybe he doesn't really know himself? He sounds a bit like my husband....not able to commit for no good reason...even though married!!!

My husband sent me a text yesterday saying he was so sad and feeling low about everything and 'devastated'....it just makes it WORSE, he wanted a separation, he told me his decision was final and he needed to think, now he is thinking and being sad but I can't handle the heart ache of knowing that....does he want me to ask if he wants to reconsider??? I don't think so, I think he is just expressing emotions as they come to him, anyway, I'm so confused now myself I hardly know if I want that.....I'm so terrified of getting burnt

This weekend I have just been sad....I keep trying to lift myself by doing distracting stuff but after I feel empty....how long does this last?...I don't when I will start feeling better but knowing he is upset just makes it worse :scratchhead: My parents just want 'decisions' which is making the pressure worse....don't know where to go from here 

Are you starting to feel better now at the coming up to 1 month stage? I'm worried I'm not picking up quick enough, not sure how you know if you're getting depressed? How long is normal?


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I don't have "real" answers.... I feel it hard for me to move on without a valid reason, but I think he really doesn't have a real clue about what is tearing him away from this marriage...he can't really pin point the feelings or reason he has, so it does play with my head tons.

Umm about starting to feel better....I really try and not think about it as much as possible..because all I have to do is picture him and i start crying... I'll cry at random times and for no reason...its hard, its still so hard and everyday i wonder...will it get better...will things change...what comes next?

Sometimes like my therapist said "you will have the short end of the stick...no matter what" Thats what I am in right now...no matter what I do or what he does, I come out losing because I will lose him.... kinda sux.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Yeah, I agree with what the therapist said....sometimes life is just unfair and bad things happen, you draw the short straw...was she trying to say, just accept it as it is, don't go crazy thinking it over? If so, I think she could be right. I have some moments when I feel bit better too, but today I had to go to the house to get some stuff, he wasnt there but it was a MAJOR downer for me....brought on lots of tears.....and also now having to accept that he is v likely having an affair and persists in denying it......that is very hurtful....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Yeah, pretty much, I gotta accept I have the short straw in this and because he is dead set, I can't keep fighting for something the other person doesn't want. Don't go crazy...accept, come to terms....adjust, deep breaths and move on.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Feel like that too, it's exhausting feeling upset / worried / scared / anxious all in one the whole time. 

He has called all the shots, time to accept that he was a jerk all along and I just didn't want to admit it to myself, despite the evidence. Yesterday I had a mini meltdown confronting my deep down suspicion that there is an OW, I went crazy mad and crying But today, calmer....I need to accept that sometimes, life just doesn't turn out how you planned, you can't control it....just face the reality and walk forward...


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