# My story snippet



## Imworthyofloventrust73

HI. So I’ve been married to my husband almost 24 years in April but together a total of 28 years in July. Three children together and total. And we’ve had our usual normal marital issues and stresses. However our story has included on again off again battles with addiction and the abuse that is associated. 
Going way back to the beginning of time when we met in 1994 I was 21 he was 23 I had my entire life already mapped out for me and I lived in a very nice place on the beach and supporting myself because I was completely self-sufficient and motivated. I met and fell in love with a punkrock skater that was 23 and has zero motivation zero ambition zero drive zero plans lived with mom and mom supported him graciously. So I fell in love with a man that was really good at putting his hand out. Sadly I admit that I take partial responsibility for raising him since I’m the one that finally got him up off the couch and out into the work place and in the direction of building a career to support his family to be. Also it’s important for everyone to know that I am his first and only girlfriend he was a late bloomer and didn’t have much experience with women or relationships prior to me. Also had major abandonment issues between his mother and his father. 
So I fell in love with the project so to speak. Fast forward to approximately five years ago and things were really really bad between us. He has always been highly jealous highly suspicious and no matter what I said he was always right I was always wrong. He is always been very verbally abusive and denies every ounce of it. He basically never grew never changed the verbal abuse and the fighting and the name-calling and just all-around toxicity of our marriage just grew and grew and towards the end I just couldn’t take anymore and I knew that there was something better out there. So I planned my escape. 
At the time my mother was dying of cancer and I chose to move in with her and take care of her full-time and kiss that toxic relationship goodbye. Now here’s where my honesty comes in, at the time where I was planning and plotting and heartbroken and hurt I also was not 100% engaged in my marriage so I was vulnerable and I excepted conversation online specifically on Facebook that I normally wouldn’t have in the past and an old friend came back into my life and originally started just as friends and as I made plans to leave my husband he and I started to build actual feelings for one another. This guy was an old mutual friend of ours from the but was much much younger than both of us and he disappeared off the face of the earth for years apparently because he got locked up. OK so that was my first mistake but I already had an attachment to him because we were friends for 13 years prior to any of this. So behind my husband‘s back and in my mind my soon to be ex husband... I started to make plans to be with his guy when he got out of prison. 
So now living separately from my husband still fighting all the time on the phone, text, in person you name it. I finally told him that I was going to be with this guy when he got out. And that’s exactly what happened. So now I’m living a totally separate life, my husband moved on got his own place and was still in love with me pursuing me on the side. Because we were connected I couldn’t help but still love him and still question what I was doing to be the right thing and after all these years of being with him it was really familiar and it was comfortable and I missed it so I was confused and went back-and-forth and did this yo-yo thing and basically we were both highly confused but still knew that we loved each other and weren’t done yet.
Now I am living with this other guy and secretly very unhappy wishing I had my family back. Moving forward to March 22, 2019, I am driving in my car with my boyfriend and he while under the influence of drugs and alcohol went crazy and we had a very scary freak accident causing me to be trapped in my vehicle for five hours and severely injured almost killed at his hands. Prior to my accident I had lost everybody in my family including my mother to cancer. And my grandmother. And I was basically orphaned in my opinion and left alone. I had nobody, no one to help me take care for me and to get me two appointments to feed me to help me bathe nothing! And I was inches from dying... leaving my husband the only person to help me. 
Spent two months in the hospital with bilateral femur fractures and unable to walk. I almost lost my right arm and I am still bedridden and not able to walk preparing for my third leg surgery coming up here. The last two years have been very challenging I haven’t had much recovery it’s been really hard on my body and I am 48 years old I’m not overweight I’m not out of shape I’m not unhealthy in anyway so I should’ve been able to bounce back but for whatever reason I have not healed like I expected I would’ve by now. 
So I’m kind of bouncing around and this so called “snippet” is hella long...!!! Sorry guys! 
Just to let you know, after my accident my husband stopped his single life and came to live with me to take care of me full-time. But not without making sure that we were going to be married, we were going to be a couple, we were going to heal, we were going to move on, we were going to grow, we are going to be different, we are going to change, we are going to love and we’re going to honor each other. These were promises that he made me make to him and he made to me. And I am was well aware of the consequences I was going to face with my infidelities and him being heartbroken and hurt and now he’s with me and is going to lash out on me and give me a taste of his emotions for the rest of my life... I knew that was what I was facing. But this is where it gets weird...it is now literally one day away from my two year anniversary of my accident. I had ended this relationship with the ex-boyfriend who almost killed me because of obvious reasons. But because my husband is insanely jealous and I’m now living with him he is convinced that I am still talking to that guy, I am plotting an escape to live with him again, that I am using and abusing him just to break his heart in the future again. And he treats me as such. He is mean and vicious and hurtful and he’s constantly telling me that I’m not His wife and that my husband is locked up in jail. He is not just jealous but he’s delusional, almost crazy, and he is a technology dinosaur he has no clue how any of it works.
So this man goes through his phone (let me repeat that) he goes through HIS phone, and let me just elaborate that is any phone that he has in his possession at the time. Whether it is his actual phone or a temporary phone because his is broken or it’s a old phone that is a back up phone that neither of us use except for emergencies if our phones are dead and we don’t have any other device to use. Or a phone that he used to use that belong to his mother. It doesn’t matter what Device he has in his hand, he goes dissecting it by looking at the files, the file drive, the web search history. He’ll open the pictures that he personally has taken of me and look at the detail of the picture meaning the name of the picture or the date and time it was taken or the location of the storage of where it’s stored on the device...and find ways to accuse me of hacking into that device and using it to communicate with the guy that tried to kill me that is in prison. Never once has he picked up my phone and gone through my phone and asked me what is this what is that who is this who is that. And when he does this crazy delusional stuff I will hand him my phone and say if you want to see what your wife is doing look at her phone because this is what I’m responsible for while I’m handing my device to him. He refuses every time and he doesn’t have a clue how to translate what he’s looking at in realistic terms but instead every single thing he sees is a form in some way or another of me communicating with the ex-boyfriend in jail. 
He literally takes the names of the pictures that your phone creates when you take a photograph and he will copy it and add @google.com at the end of it and send an email addressing the ex-boyfriend because he thinks that the pictures that are taken store and retain information from the person they’re being sent to. I don’t know if you’ll understand that but it’s just coo coo. He will also take his web history and He goes into website site data storage I don’t know something in your website manage website data or something in your settings on your phone and he will look at all those addresses and try to figure out what they are and if he doesn’t recall ever going on the webpage he instantly says “well I didn’t do it so you must have” and blames me for literally remotely logging into and hacking into his devices that he’s using and using his device to communicate with the exboyfriend in jail. A lot of the stuff that he accuses me of is literally humanly impossible. The fact that he has been off of work for a year at home with me 24 hours 7 days a week taking care of me and witnesses everything I do and say on the phone yet he still is convinced that I am some IT technology genius that can manage to hack into any device he has in his possession and use that device to communicate with the ex-boyfriend in jail. 
Logical reasonable questions from me to him such as why would you think I would do that from any phone you possess when I could do that for my own phone? If I’m going to be a shady horrible person and deceive you and lie to you why wouldn’t I do that from my phone? He just doesn’t find reasonable logic in anything and everything he thinks he discovers is automatically evidence that supports that I am a deceiving lying two timing cheater and then he will verbally assault me with horrible names far worse than what I just said and when I react to it I am a narcissistic sociopath that is evil and a user and a horrible person and my karma is still coming and so on and so forth the abuse just gets worse and worse.
No matter what I have said done and shown him to prove my innocence and his lack of wisdom and knowledge where technology is concerned, he refuses to hear the facts and reality and then will tell me I don’t love him I don’t want to be with him I wanna be with the guy in prison and he’s not sticking around for this. And then begins to tell me how he’s going to move out and move on and meet a girl that is worthy of his love. 
I feel like I’m crazy and stupid to stick around one more second for this abuse regardless if I was the original abuser to begin with. I am all for expressing your emotions and venting your feelings and getting things off your chest but when it comes to taking on additional grief that I i’m not deserving of I’m not willing to do that my life has been hard enough as it is. I am ready for peace and happiness and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have that with my husband but if he’s going to continue to verbally assault me and justify it with the fact that he thinks I’m this and I’m that, then I think my best and only option is to move on whether I am bedridden or not. I know that their caregivers out there who can help me. I wish that there was a way that he could learn how technology works and stop being a weirdo crazy person with the phones.
I’m taking him and all his whys and hows (questions he’s asked me repeatedly not accepting my reasonable logical explanations about how and why certain things are on his phone) to a local computer lab and paying them to help him understand how these things work and to reiterate my factual claims of what he’s accused me of is humanly impossible in the hopes it’ll squash his dilution that I’m still deceiving him. 
And just so you know a little bit about my heart, I’m a godly woman who was blessed with Many many wonderful reasons to reevaluate my life my choices and my future. I am not talking to the ex I have not talked to the ex I had closure back when I was still in the hospital shortly after my accident and expressed my anger and grief at that time to him and basically told him that you’ll never see me again. I am very much aware that I did a lot of serious damage to my husband and I am not trying to make him worse. I do everything I can to lift him up to praise him to love him to honor and respect him. However it’s really difficult when he comes out of the bathroom with his phone in his hand and a new accusation towards me and that look in his eye of hatred and resentment. Not to mention he’s constantly tearing me down as a person. Because if I’m not responsible or guilty of any of his claims against me then that makes me the victim and him the bad guy in my opinion. I told him it’s not that he is not entitled to feeling hurt and grief but it’s how he handles it and how he Makes me feel. I also tell him that it’s impossible for us to heal and move on from the past if he’s constantly creating more unnecessary hurt and grief for us to deal with every day. And I tell him that I will forever be sorry and regretful for what I’ve done and that I did not come back in this marriage to do it all over again. I tell him that I am here to love him forever and I am his Best friend and I will forever have his back. 
I am human and it’s impossible to constantly stay calm and happy and loving when my spouse is looking straight at me and telling me that I’m not his wife and that my husbands locked up in prison and that he can have me meaning ex-wife friend and that he’s going to go meet a wonderful woman that will appreciate his love and not treat him the way I treat him. I don’t know what to do he’s pushing me into a corner and forcing me to run again which reminds me of all the reasons I left in the first place, but this time is much worse! Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent.


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## Tasorundo

Paragraphs!


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## SunCMars

I am out of breathe just in reading this.

Your man picker was never operational. 

Both men were duds, neither were in any way functional. 

At 48, you should remain single. In another state, far from where it is you have crashed and burned.


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## ccpowerslave

Tasorundo said:


> Paragraphs!


My wife is watching When Calls the Heart or whatever and I tried to make it through because I was rooting for the skateboarder husband but the wall of text won out. Sorry OP!


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## Trident

So why not simply tell him that if he doesn't trust that you're not communicating with your affair partner convicted felon car accident dude then he can just leave you as he threatens to do? You want him gone anyway.

Sounds to me like he was always marginally stable and your indiscretions pushed him over the edge.

You might even be in danger of your very life with him.


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## Imworthyofloventrust73

Tasorundo said:


> Paragraphs!


Apologies for that..I knew it was going to be long and lengthy and I didn’t type I use the talk to text microphone thing. And had to speak my punctuation marks, but sadly I don’t know how to create paragraphs unless I go in and manually do it afterwards is kind of defeats the purpose in my opinion. Sorry about that.


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## Sfort

Imworthyofloventrust73 said:


> Apologies for that..I knew it was going to be long and lengthy and I didn’t type I use the talk to text microphone thing. And had to speak my punctuation marks, but sadly I don’t know how to create paragraphs unless I go in and manually do it afterwards is kind of defeats the purpose in my opinion. Sorry about that.


Try saying "newline newline"


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## Trident

That works!


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## sokillme

Please go back and fix it. It's impossible to read.


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## Openminded

Few people likely will wade through that wall of text in order to help you.


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## Imworthyofloventrust73

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife is watching When Calls the Heart or whatever and I tried to make it through because I was rooting for the skateboarder husband but the wall of text won out. Sorry OP!





Openminded said:


> Few people likely will wade through that wall of text in order to help you.


 Good advice thank you. I will revise it. I admit I went a lil crazy but there are so many details that are vital to the story, I was afraid to miss something and it not make any sense. However looking at it now I realize how overwhelming it is, I’d probably pass it up too.


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## Imworthyofloventrust73

Trident said:


> So why not simply tell him that if he doesn't trust that you're not communicating with your affair partner convicted felon car accident dude then he can just leave you as he threatens to do? You want him gone anyway.
> 
> Sounds to me like he was always marginally stable and your indiscretions pushed him over the edge.
> 
> You might even be in danger of your very life with him.


You are correct as far as my choice of men. I am not very choosy I guess you’d say. Honestly at first I would agree with you saying that I wanted him out of my life forever. But now that I’ve been back with my husband and my families back together I truly want to make it work. If that’s even possible anymore. 
I want to go to therapy and counseling together and separate. And I really want my husband to heal from this. He’s always been kind of a mess but he’s my mess. And I want us both to grow from this preferably together now that God has blessed us back under one roof. .


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## Imworthyofloventrust73

SunCMars said:


> I am out of breathe just in reading this.
> 
> Your man picker was never operational.
> 
> Both men were duds, neither were in any way functional.
> 
> At 48, you should remain single. In another state, far from where it is you have crashed and burned.


I honestly couldn’t argue with you if I wanted to! (Gulp..😖) you’re right.


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## MattMatt

Imworthyofloventrust73 said:


> I honestly couldn’t argue with you if I wanted to! (Gulp..😖) you’re right.


Don't worry. An old chap (me!) in the UK just fixed that for you, paragraph breaks are now added!


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## MattMatt

@Imworthyofloventrust73 OK, this situation is a mess. 

Has your husband always been this paranoid? Or has he become worse?

How are your children coping with this?

Have you tried counselling as a couple, as individuals, as a family?


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## Imworthyofloventrust73

sokillme said:


> Please go back and fix it. It's impossible to read.


Fixed


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## Imworthyofloventrust73

MattMatt said:


> Don't worry. An old chap (me!) in the UK just fixed that for you, paragraph breaks are now added!


Awe. I did it too.


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## Imworthyofloventrust73

MattMatt said:


> @Imworthyofloventrust73 OK, this situation is a mess.
> 
> Has your husband always been this paranoid? Or has he become worse?
> 
> How are your children coping with this?
> 
> Have you tried counselling as a couple, as individuals, as a family?


Our kids are adults now and I’ve asked him to go with me but he’s not supportive about it.


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## missus_ashleigh

Imworthyofloventrust73 said:


> Our kids are adults now and I’ve asked him to go with me but he’s not supportive about it.





Imworthyofloventrust73 said:


> HI. So I’ve been married to my husband almost 24 years in April but together a total of 28 years in July. Three children together and total. And we’ve had our usual normal marital issues and stresses. However our story has included on again off again battles with addiction and the abuse that is associated.
> Going way back to the beginning of time when we met in 1994 I was 21 he was 23 I had my entire life already mapped out for me and I lived in a very nice place on the beach and supporting myself because I was completely self-sufficient and motivated. I met and fell in love with a punkrock skater that was 23 and has zero motivation zero ambition zero drive zero plans lived with mom and mom supported him graciously. So I fell in love with a man that was really good at putting his hand out. Sadly I admit that I take partial responsibility for raising him since I’m the one that finally got him up off the couch and out into the work place and in the direction of building a career to support his family to be. Also it’s important for everyone to know that I am his first and only girlfriend he was a late bloomer and didn’t have much experience with women or relationships prior to me. Also had major abandonment issues between his mother and his father.
> So I fell in love with the project so to speak. Fast forward to approximately five years ago and things were really really bad between us. He has always been highly jealous highly suspicious and no matter what I said he was always right I was always wrong. He is always been very verbally abusive and denies every ounce of it. He basically never grew never changed the verbal abuse and the fighting and the name-calling and just all-around toxicity of our marriage just grew and grew and towards the end I just couldn’t take anymore and I knew that there was something better out there. So I planned my escape.
> At the time my mother was dying of cancer and I chose to move in with her and take care of her full-time and kiss that toxic relationship goodbye. Now here’s where my honesty comes in, at the time where I was planning and plotting and heartbroken and hurt I also was not 100% engaged in my marriage so I was vulnerable and I excepted conversation online specifically on Facebook that I normally wouldn’t have in the past and an old friend came back into my life and originally started just as friends and as I made plans to leave my husband he and I started to build actual feelings for one another. This guy was an old mutual friend of ours from the but was much much younger than both of us and he disappeared off the face of the earth for years apparently because he got locked up. OK so that was my first mistake but I already had an attachment to him because we were friends for 13 years prior to any of this. So behind my husband‘s back and in my mind my soon to be ex husband... I started to make plans to be with his guy when he got out of prison.
> So now living separately from my husband still fighting all the time on the phone, text, in person you name it. I finally told him that I was going to be with this guy when he got out. And that’s exactly what happened. So now I’m living a totally separate life, my husband moved on got his own place and was still in love with me pursuing me on the side. Because we were connected I couldn’t help but still love him and still question what I was doing to be the right thing and after all these years of being with him it was really familiar and it was comfortable and I missed it so I was confused and went back-and-forth and did this yo-yo thing and basically we were both highly confused but still knew that we loved each other and weren’t done yet.
> Now I am living with this other guy and secretly very unhappy wishing I had my family back. Moving forward to March 22, 2019, I am driving in my car with my boyfriend and he while under the influence of drugs and alcohol went crazy and we had a very scary freak accident causing me to be trapped in my vehicle for five hours and severely injured almost killed at his hands. Prior to my accident I had lost everybody in my family including my mother to cancer. And my grandmother. And I was basically orphaned in my opinion and left alone. I had nobody, no one to help me take care for me and to get me two appointments to feed me to help me bathe nothing! And I was inches from dying... leaving my husband the only person to help me.
> Spent two months in the hospital with bilateral femur fractures and unable to walk. I almost lost my right arm and I am still bedridden and not able to walk preparing for my third leg surgery coming up here. The last two years have been very challenging I haven’t had much recovery it’s been really hard on my body and I am 48 years old I’m not overweight I’m not out of shape I’m not unhealthy in anyway so I should’ve been able to bounce back but for whatever reason I have not healed like I expected I would’ve by now.
> So I’m kind of bouncing around and this so called “snippet” is hella long...!!! Sorry guys!
> Just to let you know, after my accident my husband stopped his single life and came to live with me to take care of me full-time. But not without making sure that we were going to be married, we were going to be a couple, we were going to heal, we were going to move on, we were going to grow, we are going to be different, we are going to change, we are going to love and we’re going to honor each other. These were promises that he made me make to him and he made to me. And I am was well aware of the consequences I was going to face with my infidelities and him being heartbroken and hurt and now he’s with me and is going to lash out on me and give me a taste of his emotions for the rest of my life... I knew that was what I was facing. But this is where it gets weird...it is now literally one day away from my two year anniversary of my accident. I had ended this relationship with the ex-boyfriend who almost killed me because of obvious reasons. But because my husband is insanely jealous and I’m now living with him he is convinced that I am still talking to that guy, I am plotting an escape to live with him again, that I am using and abusing him just to break his heart in the future again. And he treats me as such. He is mean and vicious and hurtful and he’s constantly telling me that I’m not His wife and that my husband is locked up in jail. He is not just jealous but he’s delusional, almost crazy, and he is a technology dinosaur he has no clue how any of it works.
> So this man goes through his phone (let me repeat that) he goes through HIS phone, and let me just elaborate that is any phone that he has in his possession at the time. Whether it is his actual phone or a temporary phone because his is broken or it’s a old phone that is a back up phone that neither of us use except for emergencies if our phones are dead and we don’t have any other device to use. Or a phone that he used to use that belong to his mother. It doesn’t matter what Device he has in his hand, he goes dissecting it by looking at the files, the file drive, the web search history. He’ll open the pictures that he personally has taken of me and look at the detail of the picture meaning the name of the picture or the date and time it was taken or the location of the storage of where it’s stored on the device...and find ways to accuse me of hacking into that device and using it to communicate with the guy that tried to kill me that is in prison. Never once has he picked up my phone and gone through my phone and asked me what is this what is that who is this who is that. And when he does this crazy delusional stuff I will hand him my phone and say if you want to see what your wife is doing look at her phone because this is what I’m responsible for while I’m handing my device to him. He refuses every time and he doesn’t have a clue how to translate what he’s looking at in realistic terms but instead every single thing he sees is a form in some way or another of me communicating with the ex-boyfriend in jail.
> He literally takes the names of the pictures that your phone creates when you take a photograph and he will copy it and add @google.com at the end of it and send an email addressing the ex-boyfriend because he thinks that the pictures that are taken store and retain information from the person they’re being sent to. I don’t know if you’ll understand that but it’s just coo coo. He will also take his web history and He goes into website site data storage I don’t know something in your website manage website data or something in your settings on your phone and he will look at all those addresses and try to figure out what they are and if he doesn’t recall ever going on the webpage he instantly says “well I didn’t do it so you must have” and blames me for literally remotely logging into and hacking into his devices that he’s using and using his device to communicate with the exboyfriend in jail. A lot of the stuff that he accuses me of is literally humanly impossible. The fact that he has been off of work for a year at home with me 24 hours 7 days a week taking care of me and witnesses everything I do and say on the phone yet he still is convinced that I am some IT technology genius that can manage to hack into any device he has in his possession and use that device to communicate with the ex-boyfriend in jail.
> Logical reasonable questions from me to him such as why would you think I would do that from any phone you possess when I could do that for my own phone? If I’m going to be a shady horrible person and deceive you and lie to you why wouldn’t I do that from my phone? He just doesn’t find reasonable logic in anything and everything he thinks he discovers is automatically evidence that supports that I am a deceiving lying two timing cheater and then he will verbally assault me with horrible names far worse than what I just said and when I react to it I am a narcissistic sociopath that is evil and a user and a horrible person and my karma is still coming and so on and so forth the abuse just gets worse and worse.
> No matter what I have said done and shown him to prove my innocence and his lack of wisdom and knowledge where technology is concerned, he refuses to hear the facts and reality and then will tell me I don’t love him I don’t want to be with him I wanna be with the guy in prison and he’s not sticking around for this. And then begins to tell me how he’s going to move out and move on and meet a girl that is worthy of his love.
> I feel like I’m crazy and stupid to stick around one more second for this abuse regardless if I was the original abuser to begin with. I am all for expressing your emotions and venting your feelings and getting things off your chest but when it comes to taking on additional grief that I i’m not deserving of I’m not willing to do that my life has been hard enough as it is. I am ready for peace and happiness and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have that with my husband but if he’s going to continue to verbally assault me and justify it with the fact that he thinks I’m this and I’m that, then I think my best and only option is to move on whether I am bedridden or not. I know that their caregivers out there who can help me. I wish that there was a way that he could learn how technology works and stop being a weirdo crazy person with the phones.
> I’m taking him and all his whys and hows (questions he’s asked me repeatedly not accepting my reasonable logical explanations about how and why certain things are on his phone) to a local computer lab and paying them to help him understand how these things work and to reiterate my factual claims of what he’s accused me of is humanly impossible in the hopes it’ll squash his dilution that I’m still deceiving him.
> And just so you know a little bit about my heart, I’m a godly woman who was blessed with Many many wonderful reasons to reevaluate my life my choices and my future. I am not talking to the ex I have not talked to the ex I had closure back when I was still in the hospital shortly after my accident and expressed my anger and grief at that time to him and basically told him that you’ll never see me again. I am very much aware that I did a lot of serious damage to my husband and I am not trying to make him worse. I do everything I can to lift him up to praise him to love him to honor and respect him. However it’s really difficult when he comes out of the bathroom with his phone in his hand and a new accusation towards me and that look in his eye of hatred and resentment. Not to mention he’s constantly tearing me down as a person. Because if I’m not responsible or guilty of any of his claims against me then that makes me the victim and him the bad guy in my opinion. I told him it’s not that he is not entitled to feeling hurt and grief but it’s how he handles it and how he Makes me feel. I also tell him that it’s impossible for us to heal and move on from the past if he’s constantly creating more unnecessary hurt and grief for us to deal with every day. And I tell him that I will forever be sorry and regretful for what I’ve done and that I did not come back in this marriage to do it all over again. I tell him that I am here to love him forever and I am his Best friend and I will forever have his back.
> I am human and it’s impossible to constantly stay calm and happy and loving when my spouse is looking straight at me and telling me that I’m not his wife and that my husbands locked up in prison and that he can have me meaning ex-wife friend and that he’s going to go meet a wonderful woman that will appreciate his love and not treat him the way I treat him. I don’t know what to do he’s pushing me into a corner and forcing me to run again which reminds me of all the reasons I left in the first place, but this time is much worse! Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent.


 @ Everyone else, the big block of text is less painful on the eyes if you turn the dark mode on.

@ OP, please make some sort of paragraphs when you write, it will help people help you.

If you ask me, your husband was a bad choice from the start. It sounds like you adopted a son. Women evolved to date across and up. So, a man at least as successful as they are or preferably more. For whatever reason, you chose a weak beta man child you had to take care of all your life and just like a weak beta man child, he is abusive. Manly men are never abusive. They also have options and self-esteem and do not hang around in dysfunctional relationships. Abusive men have a lack of and not an excess of mascunlinity.

So, narcissistic men have lack masculinity, but there are two kinds of narcissits. Vulnerable narcissists will be just as abusive as grandiose narcissists, just in sneaker ways.

There is nothing to save when it comes to your marriage. You need to leave him yesterday and get some talking therapy with a clinical psychologist (not a counsellor of any sort) for why you thought this guy was a keeper in the first place.

You did nothing wrong by giving up on him after years of abuse and starting to talk to someone when already you were about to leave him. He has gaslighted you into thinking that all his now abuse is somehow your fault. In reality, he was always abusive and that's what pushed you towards the other relationship and leaving him. Your fault is ever staying with this ****er for as long as you have and then choosing a guy even more detrimental to your health (if that is possible at all) than this one.

You need to leave him and get therapy. You never should have stayed with him for as long as you have. You have a problem that makes you pick losers, work on it before it kills you.


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