# Faith vs. Self-Pity



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I have been told countless times don't quit before the miracle happens but I really cannot handle any more challenges. They say God never gives more than you can handle but I am wading in mud up to my eyeballs.

Yes, I am divorced, I am 54 years old, unemployed, now I owe unemployment ins $2200, no alimony, no money; my car was rear ended, lost a 3/4 diamond out of my ring, my daughter has a drinking problem and I am stuck in the same house as my X. The people that loved the house now have second thoughts because they don't know where they would build an addition, there's five acres to build the friggin addition on.

Yes I am feeling sorry for myself today. I know I will get passed it. I know what it is; it is fear. I know what to do I need to keep my focus on the day and not tomorrow.

I seem to have fallen back a few paces, not necessarily too much pain about X but fear about future. I just feel unwanted.

Any kind words of comfort?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

{{{HUGS}}}

I really hope things get better for you soon. Unfortunately a lot of us seem to be in the same boat. I, too, have days when I ask the same thing you are asking. God has worked one miracle since this nightmare began. Therefore, my faith is kept alive. It's just that some days are more trying than others.

Hang in there!


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

827Aug: Thanks for the reply. You helped me by realizing I am not along and there others in a tough place.

Today, you are right, I feel a little better. I don't like being in that self pity stuff but it is hard not to fall into it. Especially as I see x wonder around with just concerns about a cycle part and I'm digging into IRA to pay bills....

Oh well, don't compare. Oh watch resentments. So many lessons in such a short time.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Psssst. Maybe you missed the message. You can have pity for yourself as well as faith. It is because of faith that we can indulge in a bit of self-pity. Nobody knows the sorrows you've seen more than you, and God. They are meant to be shared, by design, faith + self-pity. There is not need to stick that little 'vs.' in between the two to keep them separate. 

I went through my IRA and real estate proceeds (sold out in 2005 by necessity, turns out I got to realize my real estate money rather than seeing it disappear into the thin air of paperwork profits...) seeing my child through his undiagnosed tethered spinal cord and thyroid issues...as well as a previous breakup and the counseling (self-pay) that preceded it and followed it, plus a teenager through high school and first year of college (on his own after that - all grown up and a man now though I've been known to pay a bill or two on a friend-basis for him, because I like him and it's a gift not because I'm obligated, and he is aware of the difference!)

I have cash I took from a joint account but other than that what is floating me is my relationship with myself, my relationship with God and my relationship with others. Sometimes reputation and day-to-day consistency in being there for yourself and others pays off better than any investment. Even if you have the best car or the best place to live, there is nothing like having a friend or a potential friend giving you a ride, or having a public bus to ride, or having a friend's sofa or guest room you can stay in if your house burns down or just needs to be fumigated or you need a break from it.

If you don't have those kind of friends, rest assured friends are not something you can buy, so they are easy to afford via sentiment, time and sincere effort and desire.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

homemaker:

I agree with you 100%, God and friends: both of which I have.

I started to re-think my career path and I should have enough money in IRA for LPN degree. I don't want to do what I had been doing. With LPN I would be able to help people in a more meaningful way.

I am getting excited and feeling so much better today than yesterday. I believe, once again, God gave me the strength to know that I can have goals and I am alive.

It is amazing the lessons we have learned: most importantly being there for others and ourselves. I know God supported me through all of this and will continue to do so as long as I ask and seek.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

@ Sparkles, know that God has not forsakened us. He is still in the blessing business. It is our blessing to be able to come in here and check on each other. Life is a double edged sword, with every good comes some bad. As I face my anniversary tomorrow alone, I fear the emotional damage to my spirit. I know I do not miss the man my H became, but I do miss who he was for a short time. What I miss is my SD, and my H gave me the opportunity to fulfill a need I had and didn't know it. I will be so glad when I am stepping into your foot prints, and have this all behind me. You seem to know what to do to ease your pains, scream out and look to the hills from which cometh your help. I know I am. I have made 10 steps foward, but today I have made 2 backwards ;o( But I press on towards the mark ;o) You have a beautiful Sunday and smile you are in place destined for you and their is joy to be found on that path. It has to be.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

hesnothappy:

Whenever I used to think of my X (and still do) I would say this immediately, no matter how many times during the day, I would replace the thought with this:

God grant me the serenety to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Think about those words, say them each time that painful thought comes to your head. They really helped me because they are true.

Do not think that tomorrow is your anniversary, think that it is another day where you will and can change the way you feel. It is a day on which you will grow.

Do good things for yourself. Healthy and comforting. And say that prayer as many times as you need to change the way you are thinking. Think of yourself, the moment you are in, what you are doing in that moment. That is all we truly have. This moment.


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