# how can I kill my sexual desire? I don't want it any more.



## mhm (Feb 16, 2017)

sorr


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

> I'm 25 year old man, I have never had sex before and I'm addicted to masturbating this is becoming the biggest issue in my life I can't concentrate on any thing anymore I workout a lot but that's not helping I cant think about any thing other than sex its driving me crazy.... because of this lake of concentration I'm loosing all my opportunities. I don't want my sexual desire. Is there any way I can get read of it???
> 
> I mean a drug ,surgery or sth like that.
> 
> Pls don't tell me to find a girlfriend cuz I'm a weirdo nobody likes...


You might want to start with a sex therapist. They would know how to deal with your issue.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

mhm said:


> sorr


I'm guessing you edited your post to try and delete it, but to answer your subject line:

Re: how can I kill my sexual desire? I don't want it any more.

For those with a very active drive, it can be challenging to deal with the repeated rejection that too often comes along with strong desire. A positive way to deal with this can be trying to exercise as a way to help your body overcome anxiety and get rid of excess energy, or work with your partner on how to relax without sex and still feel loved, like asking for a backrub to help calm/cool yourself down.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Detachment.....mental detachment


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Age, a little anger and a little depression should get you there.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

mhm said:


> sorr


"....: how can I kill my sexual desire? I don't want it any more....."


My heart goes out to you. Yes a Sex Therapist is your best constructive bet.

In the depths of my Sex Starved Marriage, I thought about this a lot and did some really unhealthy things to try to achieve what you are asking. I was in an LD/HD marriage where my wife was so angry at me that she would do emotionally hurtful things to me in her sexual rejection of me. It wasn't just no, it was a humiliating no.

Mostly, I stayed up very late and night and got up very early in the morning to exercise. That way when I would crawl in bed I would be too exhausted for sex and my wife would be sound asleep. Then I would get up in the morning and leave the house for the gym. Repeat, always being exhausted and always entering and leaving be while my wife was asleep kept me from being rejected but took a toll on my body.

I thought about what my wife and I could do that could make be feel like I was emotionally having sex, even if I wasn't. There are lots of professional dominatrix out there that make lots of money by teasing and sexually denying men or by locking them in chastity. Unfortunately, for me any "non-sex, sexual activity" was not something my wife wanted any part of and I wasn't going to cheat on her. We discussed such things and she again used it as an opportunity to say hurtful things to me about being a pervert, but when it came down to it, what she was really saying was that I hate you and I don't want you to be happy or sexually happy, so why would you think I would try something that would give you pleasure.

I concluded that if I was going to find sexual happiness, I would need to take control of my own happiness. I started to read relationship books. I figured out what I had done to hurt my wife so deeply and started to change myself and the way I treated her. Eventually we got help from a nationally recognized Sex Therapist and both of us committed to improving and rebuilding our marriage.

I have been there and it is a horrible place to be. Don't kill your own sexual desires as we are all sexual beings. Figure out how you through masturbation, reading and/or your imagination you can retain your sexuality. Take responsibility for your happiness. MW Davis book the Sex Starved Marriage has lots of great advice, I strongly recommend it. Find things that make you happy and make you proud of yourself and what you are able to accomplish.

Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So some guy comes here asking for help. He is clearly very timid about his question, and you all turn this into a joke thread? Really. I'm deleting the thread jack. Geez.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mhm said:


> sorr


You have nothing to be sorry about. I've read about guys doing exactly what you are wanting to do. Many say that they are much happier once their sex drive is gone. There are apparently pills that will do this. Some take it further and have surgery.

Your problem is real.

Unfortunately some on TAM will make jokes when they have nothing of value to add. 

If you are still reading here, please continue to post. There are some who will give you good input, as some have.

I'm sorry that we have some thoughtless posters on TAM. We mods will not allow them to use your thread this way. Unfortunately I went to sleep right after my post to you. This gave them hours to make those nonsense posts. But the nonsense posts are now gone.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Thank you @EleGirl... I hope the poster comes back and quality options are presented that they can extract something helpful from them.

OP... your thoughts have value, if you choose to approach again the moderators are very good here.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Yes OP, please let us help you.

I am in a low drive/high drive situation also. When at my most frustrated I have feelings much like you...thinking I would just be better off not needing sex.

I know you deleted your thread and I didn't see it, but I hope you will come back, even if under another name and tell us your situation so we can try to help. There are some wonderful people on this board, and the moderators have your back. Please let us help you. You are NOT alone, not by a long shot!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Unfortunately some on TAM will make jokes when they have nothing of value to add.


 @mhm if by chance you read any of the jokes, they do come from a fraternal place of mutual suffering and were meant as a way to help you cheer up and bond with other's that share your pain!

But we also have to clean up and respect the mods because @EleGirl cares and does a super awesome job at keeping us out of trouble...










In other words, welcome to TAM!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I workout twice a day (morning and night), plus I've taken to hiring myself out as a dog walker 4x a week. And, someone mentioned mental detachment, which helps to distance myself both when it is and isn't happening. I go to my happy place!


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

There are several paths forward.

One is to continue to try to work with your current partner to have a satisfying sex life. Read the threads here. Several standard suggestions on how to proceed. If you tell us more about your situation, we may have ideas of which to try first.

Another is to leave your current partner and seek a more compatible partner. Yes, can be very messy if you have been together a long time, have children, have interconnected finances, etc. But it can be done and many who have done so think it was worth it.

Another is to stay with your current partner, refrain from trying to improve your sex life, and seek coping mechanisms. Generally, alcohol and drugs are not suggested. Except maybe a SSRI anti-depressant. This might help your mood, and in many cases results in lower libido. In some cases, libido does not go down but ability to orgasm disappears. For some people, inability to orgasm reduces their libido. For others, inability to orgasm is torture because they still have desire for sex but now they can't even masturbate and that is awful.

If you want to stop thinking about something, you can't simply try to ignore it. That never works. You have to find something else to focus on. You have to keep yourself so busy and so distracted that you don't have any free time to remember you aren't having any sex. Some people throw themselves into work. Some into hobbies. Some play computer games incessantly. Only you know what activity is so absorbing and all-emcompassing that you can do it for hours and never once think about sex.

Good luck. This is no fun. Many of us have been where you are and sympathize.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Dr. John's one step process:

1. Lower your expectations
2. Marital warfare

(*) Step 2 optional


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

john117 said:


> Dr. John's one step process:
> 
> 1. Lower your expectations
> 2. Marital warfare
> ...


He's not married and does not date.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

OP said: "I'm 25 year old man, I have never had sex before...."

Why are there posts about what to do in a sexless relationship?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> He's not married and does not date.


Thank you for adding the deleted parts of his message.

He has an addiction problem. He needs to go through an addiction rehab process.

Most of them involve either Skinner-style "conditioning," support groups, hypnosis, or counseling. Sometimes medical insurance will pay for some treatments.

I would not have guessed at the true problem, unless you had added the information.


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