# My husband ruined us



## riverrunner (Apr 24, 2013)

There was a time when I thought my husband hung the moon. I've been married for almost 3 years, and almost the moment I said "I do" things began to change. After we came home from our honeymoon, I went back to work, he went on a 3 day bender. He stopped having sex with me; I was lucky if he had sex with me once a month. His mother is critical of me and he doesn't stand up to her. He's notorious for staying out all night, not answering his phone, being very cryptic in his responses when I ask him where he was. He swears he is just drunk and not cheating on me. He'll swear on anything that he's faithful, but I catch him in stupid little lies so I don't really believe him. Most recently, he left for a full 48 hours and came home on a weekday morning as I was pulling out of the driveway with our child on our way to daycare/work. He's usually a really good father, but sometimes he can be flat out mean. He doesn't like to be burdened, but as all parents know, sometimes being a parent isn't about doing what _we_ want all the time. Twice I have come home to find him passed out drunk with our child unsupervised....don't get me started. Did I mention he has a college degree but chooses to work at a job where he made $13,000 last year? I gave him an ultimatum, get your life together, stop drinking, be a role model, or else. He's gone back to school, still works the same job, and has quit drinking for almost one month now. The problem is, I feel like I despise him. I blame him for the feelings I have now. I used to hope he'd roll over and kiss me, and now I find myself praying he won't. Am I at a normal stage in marriage, or has my husband destroyed what we had with his selfish lifestyle?


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## Cuckcoo (Apr 23, 2013)

I think you are at a normal stage for where your marriage is right now. If he is genuine about turning things around and proves to be doing just that, I think it will be easier for you to forgive him... eventually. 

Passed out drunk while the child is unsupervised is a very serious matter. I would hope he really understands that. That alone should get his butt to some kind of rehab/therapy. Never mind the marriage problems.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

You are not at a "normal" point in marriage for a healthy relationship. It would be pretty normal for an addict and/or a cheater, though.

I recommend really thinking long and hard about your boundaries, and how you plan to enforce them. You can expect this behavior to continue with you as long as you allow it.

Good luck!


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## Cuckcoo (Apr 23, 2013)

Cuckcoo said:


> I think *you* are at a normal stage for where *your* marriage is right now.


By this I mean, if I was being treated the way you have been, I would feel the same as you. I do not think you are over-reacting or your feelings of "despise" are abnormal for someone in your situation.


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## riverrunner (Apr 24, 2013)

Thank you guys for the input. It's nice to discuss these things with people who don't have a previous relationship with either my husband or myself. I just hope I can eventually look at him and feel something other than disgust or complete lack of respect. I've discussed what will happen if he ever puts our child's well being in jeopardy again, we'll be gone. Not to mention the potential for awful things to happen when he's passed out on the floor and our 1.5 yr old runs around the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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