# Husband stop giving oral



## Laii (Jun 15, 2020)

Husband stop giving me oral after we got married and he was the one who wanted to marry me. it's really frustrating!!! Sex isn't like it used to be. I find my drinking more because it's working on my self esteem. I wonder what happened, I don't won't to cheat but I find myself thinking about other men now


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Hello,


First of all, theres nothing worst at this point yet to cheat on him. Talk to him to know why did he changed drastically.

More on your reply !


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

How does drinking help your self esteem? Drinking is known to cause depression. It is definitely an issue that he seems to want to change your sexual situation but in marriage lots of things happen. Have long have you been married, did you have kids? Was it a gradual change or just bam now that you have married me I'm not doing that any more. Have you discussed your disappointment in this change. If he doesn't do oral do you still orgasm?


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## Laii (Jun 15, 2020)

IndianApple said:


> Hello,
> 
> 
> First of all, theres nothing worst at this point yet to cheat on him. Talk to him to know why did he changed drastically.
> ...


Yes I've talked to him but he never has an answer


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Did you start boozing after marriage ?


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## Laii (Jun 15, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> How does drinking help your self esteem? Drinking is known to cause depression. It is definitely an issue that he seems to want to change your sexual situation but in marriage lots of things happen. Have long have you been married, did you have kids? Was it a gradual change or just bam now that you have married me I'm not doing that any more. Have you discussed your disappointment in this change. If he doesn't do oral do you still orgasm?


I know drinking doesn't help my self esteem but it helps drown my pains and I don't orgasm either and we have no kids


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## Laii (Jun 15, 2020)

IndianApple said:


> Did you start boozing after marriage ?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No. I've been drinking sometimes in the past but it has increased after he stopped caring about if I'm satisfied or not.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Does he have an extra marital affair ? Its not about doubting but just to confirm about his sudden change in behaviour towards you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ok so he isn't interested in your satisfaction and he doesn't have anything to say. You don't have kids. Why stay?

Are there other things that would be ok like toys that might help with satisfaction.

However, if he won't communicate on the issue why stay? Why have sex with him?


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## Laii (Jun 15, 2020)

IndianApple said:


> Does he have an extra marital affair ? Its not about doubting but just to confirm about his sudden change in behaviour towards you.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


All he does is work, come home and play on his game. I feel as if he's not physically attracted to me anymore. If can become depressing because I will give him oral but he just doesn't give me any and as far as sex, he just want to stick it in and think I'm supposed to be wet. I'm getting turned off from sex honestly


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Lets think logically :

1. Hes having an extra marital affair which is why he isnt interested in you.

2. He has lost interest in sex. But if really do then he shouldnt be asking you to give him blowjobs.

3. May be you have gained weight (just assuming).

My advise :
Tell him bluntly you would love to give him blowjobs in barious ways if he first give you oral until you have become totally wet.


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## Laii (Jun 15, 2020)

Well I know he isn't having a affair but I understand what your saying. Thanks for the advice


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Laii said:


> Well I know he isn't having a affair but I understand what your saying. Thanks for the advice



Your H is having an affair....with his video games. Let me guess, the video games are his "hobby" that basically take up all his time.


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## Laii (Jun 15, 2020)

Yeswecan said:


> Your H is having an affair....with his video games. Let me guess, the video games are his "hobby" that basically take up all his time.


Yes. I feel like I'm competing with a game system. I feel lonely


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Laii said:


> Yes. I feel like I'm competing with a game system. I feel lonely


Theres nothing worst yet for you to feel lonely. I do understand what you’re going through at the moment. Try not to giving him Oral or dont do anything which make him fewl weak (such as blowjobs). You say he dont have an affair so am sure one fine day he’ll have to do what you say to fulfill his desire.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Laii said:


> All he does is work, come home and play on his game. I feel as if he's not physically attracted to me anymore. If can become depressing because I will give him oral but he just doesn't give me any and as far as sex, he just want to stick it in and think I'm supposed to be wet. I'm getting turned off from sex honestly


One thing that might be helpful is a different perspective. Right now you seem to view sex as primarily as a "give and take" proposition. You are beginning to harbor resentment towards your husband because he seems unwilling to "give" you what you want in order to be happy and satisfied. Meanwhile you perhaps allow him to "take" from you whatever he needs. You may naturally feel as though the best way to start addressing that is to stop allowing him to take what he needs until he begins to be better aware and improve upon giving you what you need. 

The above is all wrong and gives the narrative on how almost all relationships break down. To some extent there is give and take, but it comes in the form of caring and listening to one another. Underneath there should be a foundation on which intimacy is built on sharing yourself with your spouse. As in, "I am aroused and I would like to share that with you" is that way that some people might describe that in a long term marriage. 

I think I remember one of the moderators here (French Fry I think) once describing how to initiate intimacy with her partner unapologetically by saying, "I am about to go enjoy an orgasm with or without you, but I would enjoy it more with you if you can join me." In that situation the person initiating sex is not giving or taking anything from anyone, instead this person is choosing to share themselves with a partner. 

As for you saying that you do not orgasm in marriage, I assume you can do that perfectly fine all on your own. If you were to share that with your husband and demonstrate that for him, you would likely get 110% of his attention. THEN you can have fun being playfully passive aggressive and stop allowing him to take from you whatever he wants and a way to make things more exciting!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Laii said:


> Yes. I feel like I'm competing with a game system. I feel lonely


Because you are competing with a game system. Been there and done that with my W. Surprised my W did not dump my arse over it. The gaming needs to stop and your H needs to join the world of marriage. Marriage is not being roommates. Stop your providing oral so your H can go on gaming while satisfied. Let him play with his own joystick.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

speaking of playing with his own joystick>.... Is he also watching porn?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Laii said:


> Husband stop giving me oral after we got married and he was the one who wanted to marry me. it's really frustrating!!! Sex isn't like it used to be. I find my drinking more because it's working on my self esteem. I wonder what happened, I don't won't to cheat but I find myself thinking about other men now


First off, I advise against cheating and suggest some time with a board certified Sex Therapist & Marriage Counselor. Also excessive alcohol never cures anything.

In my case, before I married my wife, we had a long and serious discussion about sex. I told her that one of the things I expected in marriage was oral sex from and to her. She informed me that such a thing was too intimate prior to marriage, but after we were married our intimacy would grow and she would provide me with the oral sex I wanted. We discussed this and she agreed to it. Also as in your case, she was the one who pushed for marriage.

Well after we were married, and I asked for oral sex, she informed me it was just to gross and disgusting and not at all intimate. I reminded her of the discussion we had had on the topic. She told me she had no idea how disgusting such things were and that even though she loved me she just could not do that. I have told her that her giving oral sex and my giving oral sex are not linked together and that even if she can't give me a BJ, I would love to give her oral sex. She thinks that is also way to gross.

Well for many years, I felt like I had been fooled by bait and switch tactics. On one level she felt bad about what she was not doing. She eventually told me she was saving the kinky stuff for later in our marriage to keep the flame of passion alive.

After about 4 decades of marriage, our marriage turned into a sexless marriage, for a lot of reasons. I read just about every relationship book I could get my hands on and we worked with a nationally known board certified sex therapist and marriage counselor. That saved our marriage. We are now approaching 49 years of marriage and have sex twice a week. I am satisfied with our relationship and love her dearly for all kinds of reasons.

One of the things I learned from the sex therapist discussing the reasons for the lack of sex between us was that my wife had originally thought that marriage would change everything and that she believed, she would become more sexually free with me after marriage. My wife was surprised when what had seemed gross and disgusting before marriage remained gross and disgusting to her. She came to understand that it was her hang-ups, not my body, not my cleanliness, not my technique AND NOT HER LACK OF LOVE FOR ME. She just could not change certain of her hang-ups.

The sex therapist worked with me and my wife so that we at least started to have PIV sex again. I have never experienced a BJ from my wife and honestly don't expect to. In discussing this with another marriage counselor later, my wife told me to not give up as it might happen some day. I really don't think it will, nor do I expect her to ever change on this one thing.

What I have had to learn, is that there are many ways of making love and sharing intimacy. There are some I would like to experience, but are just not things my W is willing to do. I have to determine if they are marriage killers or things that I can live without as long as I experience other things in my marriage. I have had to focus on my glass being half full and not half empty.

I sense that in some respects you are in the same boat. You need to focus on what your H is doing that you enjoy. By all means tell him how much you love him, how special your relationship with him is. Forgive him for the things he does not do that you want him to do. Really forgive him and drop all anger about the lack of oral. Remember that you can't change him, that only he can change himself.

Then I suggest that you talk to him and tell him how special he is to you, how much you love him, how much you enjoy sex with him. Ask if the two of you can play more with each other during sex and that you would like to learn how the two of you can talk more candidly to each other about sex by going to a sex therapist to work on making your marriage even stronger.

Good luck.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

So from your following posts, it sounds like this is not about oral but oral is just an example of your perception that he's not interested in satisfying you. Is that right?

From the start, I was scratching my head on this one because I don't think very many women consider divorce or having an affair simply because they aren't getting oral. It was almost like you were trying to make a point about what some men say about oral here. But I see that you're just trying to say that you don't get enough attention and you're not satisfied.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

When I see the posts how husband stopped being interested in sex right after getting married. my first thought is that he is closet gay, who - usually for religious reason and other family pressures - has to hide it. Marriage is the best cover.

I am probably wrong, but this is what immediately comes to my mind in these situations.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

I have been sex deprived for a few years now. My wife has lost all interest in sex entirely.

My wife cut me off from giving her oral nearly 30 years ago. I miss it so much.


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