# Hermit or depressed??



## rep

I was married 17 years, bad divorce. Have been dating off and on with same girl for 2 years. The past 3-4 months, i have been just wanting to sit home and do nothing. I work 3 days per week, 12hr days. I have my son 4 days per week. Other than loving to play and be with him, I have zero interest in doing anything except work-out,,which I love. 
My house to fix list grows and grows and I dont seem to care. My friends all go and do things and i just have no interest. I feel like Ill be like one of those Hermits. I dont feel depressed. I kinda like chilling this time in my life. I go to work and people have all these stories about wine festivals and stuff they do. They ask me and its always,,,ah,, nothing. 
I cant imagine any women wanting me when Im so boring.
I wonder if I should see a therapist???
To be honest, Ive always been a "Home body". I guess it was ok when married bc I also had many rental props that kept me busy but those are gone.
Any ideas??


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## whitehawk

Can't see a thing wrong with it myself.
There's been huge things going on in your life for yrs now by the sounds of it.
Then your working 12hr days , maybe only x 3 but they're long days.
Then you have your son 4days , when your handling that alone with work and all the crap in life now , takes a lot out of you.
like my d just went home after 6days , l had to work all of those and damn hard because l was a mile behind . As much as l'm missing her already , l needed a rest to, tell ya with everything else that's going on.
We sep nearly 12mths , together 18yrs.
l've spent a lot of this time just on my own at home that's all l've felt like and l've been broke through a lot of it. But hey it's been the hardest 12 mths of my damn life too and l've been too tired anyway just handling all our crap and then work on my own .

But hey , plenty of women are homebodies , my x and me loved kicking back at home, that was our fav pass time.
But anyway , enjoy your chill pill , let the rest of the world chase their tales for awhile l say , who fkg cares !
You sound like your just enjoying a breather right now , what could be wrong with that. :smthumbup:


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## rep

thanks whitehawk. I agree but everyone keeps bugging me about it and sometimes I wonder also. I do enjoy my alone time right now bc I reflect on my past. My Ex makes fun of me and calls me pathetic. She runs everwhere,,almost like forrest gump. 
When your called pathetic/hermit long enough,,you beleive it. 
I think the time is needed to heal and reflect. Life is tuff. 
Thanks


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## Ceegee

rep said:


> thanks whitehawk. I agree but everyone keeps bugging me about it and sometimes I wonder also. I do enjoy my alone time right now bc I reflect on my past. My Ex makes fun of me and calls me pathetic. She runs everwhere,,almost like forrest gump.
> When your called pathetic/hermit long enough,,you beleive it.
> I think the time is needed to heal and reflect. Life is tuff.
> Thanks


That's what you need to see a therapist about. 

Nothing wrong with doing what you're comfortable with. 

Changing your opinion of yourself based on someone else's perception, caring about what your x thinks of you, is what you should be worried about.


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## whitehawk

rep said:


> thanks whitehawk. I agree but everyone keeps bugging me about it and sometimes I wonder also. I do enjoy my alone time right now bc I reflect on my past. My Ex makes fun of me and calls me pathetic. She runs everwhere,,almost like forrest gump.
> When your called pathetic/hermit long enough,,you beleive it.
> I think the time is needed to heal and reflect. Life is tuff.
> Thanks


Yeah eff the x , don't tell her anyway , my x has no idea what l do. Besides , some women are just busy freaks , they seem to make their lifes bed that way.
Don't worry about other people , my lifes been that tuff to they can take a hike l say , l know exactly how you feel .
People can be pretty dumb about this stuff, selfish. Even my sister rings up last christmas trying to nag me to bring my d down for christmas day. 4hr drive, my d's family had just been destroyed 2mths earlier , she's emotional , l'm dreading the thought of trying to do a christmas like this for me d - reckon any of that even crossed my sisters mind, no hope.

Take some time out , we need to reflect after this hell , do what ever the hell you feel like doing l say . l know for me personally , when l feel like doing stuff , l will if l can but l need my head straight too first and l need my lifes crap sorted a bit better too .
l'm buying a canoe next pay if l can squeeze it in. Got a big lake and ocean mouth near me , l'm going to paddle about over there first up - that's how l feel like restarting my life .


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## 2ntnuf

The ex has to make certain she did the right thing. How else would she alleviate any guilt? 

I vote hermit. You might meet cool guys like this:












Wouldn't hurt to see someone just to make sure you are okay. Just wanted to make you smile. 

Edit: sorry about that huge image. oops


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## Oldrandwisr

You mentioned you enjoy two things, your time with your son and working out. That says you haven't lost all love of life. Normal life is a routine of work, your son, and going places only when you enjoy it. 
But if you really think you are depressed, it doesn't hurt to talk to a counselor. Sound's like you are honest with yourself.

As long as the time to reflect doesn't send you in a deep depression, it's probably just good time for you to get your thought sorted out. Your friends probably mean well, thinking you need a diversion but that's not always what's best. You'll recover at your own pace.

You are likely not as sociable right now because you don't think you'd be good company. The social outings will probably come back bit by bit after you take this time for yourself. Doesn't sound to me like you are being selfish.


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## rep

Thanks for the replies. Ive always been a "Home-Body". To be honest, maybe 20+ years ago, i was doagnosed with a type of mild agoraphobia (fear of dense crowds of people). I get overly angry and anxious in crowds, like carnivals, concerts, stadiums and etc..
I wish I could fix that bc I watch some football and my freinds go but id hate to ruin there trip if I "freal out". Traffic kills me. 
I need to accept who I am but with that i try do improve. I dont think there are a lot of women that would want a guy like me bc of these issues. I picture a women thats a "tom-boy" cross-fit type that is content and doesnt need me for those activities. 
Anyway, Im rambling, thanks for listening


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## Paradise

Rep, 

I'm glad you posted this. I'm facing similar struggles and this tells me a lot about myself because it is easier to find what is going on in others and relating it back. 

I'm guilty of one thing...Allowing what others "may" think about me affect my mood. I'm a homebody as well, although I'm really getting tired of being by myself ALL the time! Yes, it would be great to have someone to share the journey with but the reality is right now I don't so I have to make the best of my life as it is. But, me allowing others to dictate how I view myself (when I really don't know, just perception) is an insecurity problem. 

I think there are a lot of people EXACTLY like us but since we don't actively seek out social settings it is difficult to find (we are all at home or doing something we like to do!). 

My ex wanted to be on the go, go, go. All the time. That ended up causing some issues between us and she used that to justify her affair. Saying I am just not a social person, which really isn't true because I do like to be around people. Just not a big, big crowd all the time. Every now and then, fine, but not all the time. Plus, I am very independent and need my alone time. I get cranky if I don't have that. 

Anyway, not to hijack your thread, but I actually found your post to be a major red flag FOR MYSELF!!!! Thanks for that!


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## Shooboomafoo

I am a homebody, also. If I earned a lot of money and wasnt in five digits of debt, I might be able to get out more to do things I enjoy.
But my marriage was always go go go, and IVe been divorced for 2 years now. I was amazed that I was able to get into a house, and amazed at how things worked out and the help I got from people. I really fell into the groove of creating some personal space for myself after all that divorce business, and worry, and hurt, and despair, and then grief, and healing and self actualization and realization of where I was. Accepting it, is still hard. After a day of work, I come home and sometimes am really glad that there are no requirements of me from someone else who was not putting anything good into my life, and can just relax. I really run the risk of depression, but so far there are good days still. I'd love to find someone special, and hope that I will someday meet them. Right now I have to do with what I can though, and sh!t keeps hitting that requires a lot of money to attend to it. I enjoy my alone time too.


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## indiecat

There a many support groups for panic attack/agorophobia. Have you ever attended those? 
Just forcing yourself to get out a bit can be rewarding, baby steps.

If you feel you want to change this tendency, or it's interfering with attending sporting events that you would like to go to, I would look into counseling. A lot of people have agorophobia and any experienced therapist can help you with it. 

Your ex doesn't need to know what you are up to, if she asks just tell her you are 'keeping busy' and leave it at that.


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## Mavash.

I'm a hermit and proud of it. 

"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth but delicious in the years of maturity".

Albert Einstein

It's not that I don't like people it's that I have so many things to accomplish on my own that I'm too busy for festivals, carnivals and stadiums.


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## Jellybeans

rep said:


> I cant imagine any women wanting me when Im so boring.
> I wonder if I should see a therapist???


Well you said yourself you have been dating someone for two years now. So you answered your own thing there--yes, someone will date you.

Do you feel depressed? Maybe you are just a homebody! There is nothing wrong with that.

If you are depressed though, yes, therapy and sunlight can help.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART

Rep, there's lots of women who would want to date you. Women just like you, who prefer to stay at home rather than always going out. I'm a homebody and proud of it. I have lots of friends who bug me to go out all the time. But I think it's their problem if they don't feel comfortable staying in. Everyone is different. We should celebrate that fact!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I prefer staying at home without company coming over. I'm very content this way and I love my time alone. I've been this way all my life and my youngest child is the same way. I'm not depressed. I do have several hobbies at home that keep me occupied. I don't have a social life and my husband is my best friend. He spends his time at home mostly, but does venture out(hunting) during the right season.


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## EnjoliWoman

I wouldn't worry about enjoying solitude. But I would try to turn off the voice of your ex. That takes time. My ex was very critical - he complained about my lack of spontaneity (I call it being responsible), dispassionate (I just hadn't found my calling) and aversion to risk (financially I call it responsible again). It took a while to stop hearing those criticisms in my head. 

You love to work out and be with your son. Not everyone is into DIY stuff around the house, or concerts or festivals. Personally I like both. 

The only problem with introverts is finding someone. I have a good friend who is a complete homebody - I know if I have a cookout and invite her she won't come. She is lonely sometimes but regarding relationships says "if it is meant to be it will happen". I can't get on board with that - I tell her the only men she sees is the plumber or the cable guy so unless he's single, she's SOL.


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## Paradise

EnjoliWoman said:


> I wouldn't worry about enjoying solitude. But I would try to turn off the voice of your ex. That takes time. My ex was very critical - he complained about my lack of spontaneity (I call it being responsible), dispassionate (I just hadn't found my calling) and aversion to risk (financially I call it responsible again). It took a while to stop hearing those criticisms in my head.
> 
> You love to work out and be with your son. Not everyone is into DIY stuff around the house, or concerts or festivals. Personally I like both.
> 
> The only problem with introverts is finding someone. I have a good friend who is a complete homebody - I know if I have a cookout and invite her she won't come. She is lonely sometimes but regarding relationships says "if it is meant to be it will happen". I can't get on board with that - I tell her the only men she sees is the plumber or the cable guy so unless he's single, she's SOL.


If she's good looking I'm sure there are plenty of guys on here you can hook her up with!!! :smthumbup:


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