# Need Advice



## whatnow (May 29, 2008)

Okay well I don't know what to do. I have been married for 4 years to my high school sweetheart. We have 2 children ages 3 years and 4 months. My problem is that my husband has his priorities all wrong! He has a drinking problem and drinks 6 days/nights out the week. He doesn't get falling down drunk but you can tell when he's been drinking. It seems like he always has to come first. Like what he wants goes. If I ever need him to do something it has to be when it's convenient for him. But if his friends need something from him, he's there on the drop of a dime. Anytime I have to go anywhere even if it's just to the store and right back I have to take both of my kids. If not I have to plead with him to leave one of them. Don't get me wrong I do love him very much and he is a wonderful dad. But I'm soooo fed up with him. Like the other day I was so sick, he went to watch the b-ball game at a friends. I asked him to come home early so that he could watch the kids and I could rest. YEA RIGHT...instead I had to get out a 2am to go pick him up. I've threatened to leave him in the past and then he turns it all around on me. Then he says that if he goes he's taking one of the kids. all I want is for him to put his family first for once. He wasn't always like this it's just gotten worse in the last year. I don't want to seperate or divorce but at the same time I'm ready to pack his bags. 

Can someone please help???


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think you need to bring your husband to an AA meeting so he can realize what he is doing to you and your family.

draconis


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## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

draconis said:


> I think you need to bring your husband to an AA meeting so he can realize what he is doing to you and your family.
> 
> draconis


:iagree:

I also think that you should start documenting all of this in case you do end up leaving due to his alcohol abuse. You may love him but it is going to take more than love to keep this marriage going. You need to start going to al-anon so you can understand what life with an alcoholic will be like for you and you kids. He isn't a wonderful father because he mistreats their mom and doesn't take responsibility for his children. Do you really feel safe if he is drinking to leave him in charge of your children? That is the only question I have about leaving the kids with him.


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## whatnow (May 29, 2008)

Thanks for the advice. I do think that leaving him will be the best for my children and I ... It's just going to be so hard. I've suggested him getting help or us going to counseling and he refuses. I'm not just going to up and kick him out--I want to talk to an attorney before I tell him that I want him gone. He's said in the past when I've threatened to leave him that if I did he would take one of the kids. So I just want to be sure that I have all of the legal stuff in order so that he won't be allowed to do this.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Do you have any family close by? Confide int hem and ask them for help, they will surely help you out.

I take it you're both still young, he is probably sowing his wild oates and has lost control, something you do in college, but hard to do with a family.

I used to drink all the time in college, got married at 26, I knew my wife through college, we dated 7 years and agreed to finish school first before anything else. We got to sow our oates our own way.

Being a parent is a difficult job, and it sounds like you are doing a good job, Your hubby seems lost and immature.

He needs to learnt o balance the "boy side" to the family side of life.

I would seperate for a short time and see if it works out for the better. His threat of taking 1 child, will not work in the law world, you would get both and he would have to support you, it could get real ugly.

I would go with family for a short period of time to show him how real his problem is, tell him you love him and want to be with him.....But not at the risk of your children's lives.

Tell him you still want him to be able to "party" with his friends, but it just can't be every night, that he has to grow up some time and take responsibility he is a father and a husband now.


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

If you decide to end your marriage, make sure you have HIM leave the home, not you. Your staying in the home makes it more likely that you will have a roof over your heads when everything is said and done, in some states.


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