# Annoy the OW??



## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

My husband has had an emotional affair with another woman for about two years. She was his boss. She is no longer his boss. My husband and I are now separated. Of course, he has begun a physical relationship with her. However, she is so confident that she is starting to slip up and show her true colors. How do I help move that along. So far, I have done nothing to be embarrassed about and can hold my head high. However I wouldn't mind seeing her squirm a little. How do I get her to feel a little more unstable in their relationship? In other words, act like I am the other woman. We have three kids and see each other often!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Put her on cheaterville.com.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

even better would informing her superiors that she has abused her position of power and is sleeping with an employee under her


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you told his family what he's doing?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

When men are cheated on TAM posters advise 180. They urge BH to expose.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

By all means, expose it. If you want it to end and you want him back, nothing will work without exposure.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> When men are cheated on TAM posters advise 180. They urge BH to expose.


This advice is for anyone being cheated on.

You should do the 180 and do evrything to expose their A to everyone you can. Make the relationship as uncomfortable as you can. Stop talking to your H for anything personal. Keep all conversations limited to the absolute minimum required. Do not share feelings. Treat him like an employee. Apparently he likes that.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

btw, as to your original question, the only thing that will happen if you ramp up your affection/attention and try to make it look like he's cheating on her with you, is it will guarantee that they will lie in bed and laugh about how doormat you are (sorry, but it's what happens). And he will absolutely THRIVE on having two women fight over him.

Now, if you want to NOT be that doormat yet get her attention, there are all kinds of sneaky ways to make her wonder.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

I think, since you are separated and he is in his little "relationship" with her, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Make sure every time you have to see him due to the children, that you look hotter and hotter. Have an air about you that simply screams, "I'm f'ng hot and YOU are missing out."

He'll start feeling it. Then he'll start inserting it into his thinking and then quite possibly their conversation. I guarantee that at some point during his relations with her...he's gonna say YOUR f'ng name!!

Be hot. Look hot. Feel hot. Know that you are attractive and have that confidence.

It will eventually begin to trickle back to her.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I don't know you, but I know you don't deserve this. No one deserves to be treated like this. 

Stop taking it. 

You need to understand that you accepting him cheating is the same as giving permission. Don't accept it.


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## domah (May 18, 2012)

allowingthecakeeating said:


> My husband has had an emotional affair with another woman for about two years. She was his boss. She is no longer his boss. My husband and I are now separated. Of course, he has begun a physical relationship with her. However, she is so confident that she is starting to slip up and show her true colors. How do I help move that along. So far, I have done nothing to be embarrassed about and can hold my head high. However I wouldn't mind seeing her squirm a little. How do I get her to feel a little more unstable in their relationship? In other words, act like I am the other woman. We have three kids and see each other often!


Sorry for what happened, but the best thing you can do is let it go and move forward with your life.

Why you would want to engage (in any form) others who are toxic to you is beyond me. I understand your want for 'revenge'; however, besides satisfying an emotional desire, do you really think revenge will better your situation in any way?


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## Adrienne (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Cake - I"m reading this post totally differently from others. Are you talking about having a little FUN?? like...cooking his favorite meal just when you happen to know he's stopping over...but alas...its not for him? Maybe you can send some back to her place in a go box..... or just mentioning the satin lingerie under your jeans that's in his favorite color while she's standing there? Basically while the fog may be lifting and reality is setting in on his little PA fantasy, you can let him know he made the wrong decision. What would annoy OW most is to act as if you know something she doesn't...and you do Cake....that their little love-fest is doomed. MEOW!


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## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

"Now, if you want to NOT be that doormat yet get her attention, there are all kinds of sneaky ways to make her wonder. "

How do I do this?? Thanks


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Do you see her, too? Seems odd that your paths would cross. Doesn't he just drop off or pick up the kids?


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## xOW (Mar 12, 2013)

Honestly, any attempts at seducing him or showing him what he's been missing will likely result in inflating his already huge head and encouraging his cake-eating mindset. As Turnera put it, he will absolutely thrive in having two women fighting for his attention.

Best advice I can give you is not to act like anything, be yourself, truly detach, do the 180 for you. 

And if you really want to hurt them, a "you can keep him" attitude is the best way to go. It says you are better than them, and that he did you a favor by leaving. That will plant a seed of doubt in his mind, and she will likely panic at the idea that he is all hers now (and therefore stuck with him and his problems). 

Letting her know that she can now deal with all the problems that come with her "prize" is the smartest approach and will leave your dignity intact.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You can do lots of little tricks like hacking his FB and putting your picture in there but, honestly, he'll know it's you and it will KEEP him from ever wanting you.

Wanna know the best way to make him dump her and chase you?

Walk up to him, look him in the eye, and hand him divorce papers. Then turn, without a word, and walk away. You will INSTANTLY look like gold, and her like tarnished silver.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

What is your goal here? Get hubby back? Get revenge? Get divorced?


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## MeditMike80 (Dec 29, 2012)

Revenge is a great feeling, those advising you against it have never attained it. As others have said, if she is still with the same employer, expose her. Even if he was the main chaser in the affair, call their employer and let them know. Drop hints that she may have manipulated him. Make it well known to her and him that their jobs are on the line. As for him, divorce papers and not another word. It wouldn't hurt if you dropped hints that you have a date with someone else either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Are you suggesting something like seducing your husband while you know he's with her and then posting on his facebook wall how you had such a great time last night and thanks for breakfast??? That would be evil.....evilgrin....


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## MeditMike80 (Dec 29, 2012)

xOW said:


> Great, she'll get labeled as the crazy bitter ex-wife who's out to destroy her husband's new (temporary) girlfriend. Her WH will likely take his new gf's side, causing further humiliation to allowingthecakeeating and ruining the positive image he had of her.
> 
> Taking the high road never fails.


Exposing them to the employer isn't making her look crazy and neither is hinting that she has a date. Exposing them to employer puts their job on the line and potentially ends the affair. Dating someone else lets him know she has options. This is pretty much a lot of the advice given on CWI. No offense, but I would be highly cautious about taking any advice from a user with your user name...seems like you'd be kind of jaded.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

They were with one company and she was fired last summer....not sure why? She went to a new one and brought a couple of employees along (he was one of them.) Now they are in two different areas and have no direct interaction. 

You guys have some great suggestions... keep um coming!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

allowingthecakeeating said:


> You guys have some great suggestions... keep um coming!


I'd pull the hardes 180 I could. Dark on him. I'd file yesterday. I'd screw him financialy. I'd go th¡o the gym, to travel. I'd demand he stick to the schedule with the kids. Id' had a plan, a real one, a date, everytime he comes "home" (let him babysit), BTW why is he allowed to enter your home?

Why the hell do you allow him to eat the cake?

Move on, friend, self respect. Thre's someon beyyer out there for you.


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## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

I want him to hurt as much as I do and I want to get inside of her head. She went after him and I watched it all happen. He was weak.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

turnera said:


> Put her on cheaterville.com.


And see to it she knows about it!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then expose her. And put her on cheaterville.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> even better would informing her superiors that she has abused her position of power and is sleeping with an employee under her


And file a lawsuit against the company for encouraging an environment whereby employees must screw their bosses.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Another thought... If he ever comes over to see the kids, plant some panties somewhere she may find them.


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## xOW (Mar 12, 2013)

MeditMike80 said:


> Exposing them to the employer isn't making her look crazy and neither is hinting that she has a date. Exposing them to employer puts their job on the line and potentially ends the affair. Dating someone else lets him know she has options. This is pretty much a lot of the advice given on CWI. No offense, but I would be highly cautious about taking any advice from a user with your user name...seems like you'd be kind of jaded.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nevermind then. I'll stop posting on TAM. I am obviously not welcome here.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

xOW said:


> Nevermind then. I'll stop posting on TAM. I am obviously not welcome here.


Don't leave after one negative. All views are welcome. There is a fair amount of deeply felt ideas expressed here probably often based on experiences. This tends not to be the place people write gushing prose on how great their relationship is/has been. 
Your chosen nickname may stir up bad connotations for some. 
And of course on largely anonymous forums like this it is easy for any of us to write things in the heat of the moment we might never say in a face to face conversation. 
Now back to the OP, I'm still not clear what you hope to achieve. Is your marriage kaput as far as you are concerned? If so, then some of the suggestions may make sense. If you hope for reconciliation then some of the suggestions may not be so good.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Put her on cheaterville detailing the name of your husband in the post and send it to him, her, and HR aT the company


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Put her on cheaterville detailing the name of your husband in the post and send it to him, her, and HR aT the company


Or post the Cheaterville link at Craig's List in one of the sections. Maybe Women Looking For Men as it probably gets the most hits.


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## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

Eventually, I would like the marriage to work. But it would not be for a very long time. We have been together 23 years and have three young children. I really don't want to give up. However, it seems at this point he's pretty happy where he is at.... Nobody has filed anything.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

atce, have you told his parents and siblings and best friend that he's been cheating on you?


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

The best thing you can do is start showing him that you moved on, even if you haven’t, fake it. He hasn’t filed because he doesn’t want to pay for the D and will string this along as long as he can (or you allow). If you don’t want to file yourself don’t, but at least make him or even tell him that it now is a possibility because you are having your own fun. And you know what, go have some fun. 

Believe me, he wants to control how this all is going to go down, and so far he has been successful doing that….. time for you to take back control. What affects him will definitely affect her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you read Surviving An Affair yet? You need to.


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## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

Bishop, you are actually pretty dead on. I don't believe he has filed because financially it will put us in a strain. We're now keeping a home and a full apartment and the money is very tight. My husband is very passive aggressive and so yes he wants me to just take care of everything. But I told him he needs to file if he wants a divorce and he needs to follow through with this himself. There is a 2 year waiting period until I need to repy because there is not legal separation in my state. 
I have actually been going away on a couple weekends, get dressed up and go out with girlfriends. He sees all of it because he's picking up the kids, he is very aware I am moving on. I do think it bothers him a slight bit. I look pretty good  

Turn, I will get the book thanks!


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

xOW said:


> Honestly, any attempts at seducing him or showing him what he's been missing will likely result in inflating his already huge head and encouraging his cake-eating mindset. As Turnera put it, he will absolutely thrive in having two women fighting for his attention.
> 
> Best advice I can give you is not to act like anything, be yourself, truly detach, do the 180 for you.
> 
> ...


Exactly! Do this. Once the two of them start seeing flaws in each other, their relationship will start to become just like any other relationship. The heat will die down. And if you make it look like you're doing fine on your own, H will start to have some regret.


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## domah (May 18, 2012)

allowingthecakeeating said:


> I want him to hurt as much as I do and I want to get inside of her head. She went after him and I watched it all happen. He was weak.


If you think about it logically, its a complete waste of time, energy and effort. If you still want to act like an immature high-schooler, then by all means, continue to entertain us by posting your drama.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I disagree that you need to wait for him to file. We hear that here over and over and over again, the BS doesn't want to be the one to file, they want the cheater to, but the truth is, YOU filing will set you free, mentally. It will get you back your mental control over your life. "You're gonna cheat on ME? Well, eat THIS, then" and hand him the papers. You cannot BELIEVE how liberated you will feel when you do this. And guess what? You then have a fair chance that HE will then be chasing YOU. Because you showed a spine. He has no respect for you at the moment. Why would he choose you? You're being a doormat and waiting patiently for him to remember you're there. You're feeding his ego. Why should he change anything?

File the papers, let him know your conditions, should he ever get his head out of his ass, and move on with your life.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

allowingthecakeeating said:


> My husband is very passive aggressive and so yes he wants me to just take care of everything. But I told him he needs to file if he wants a divorce and he needs to follow through with this himself. There is a 2 year waiting period until I need to repy because there is not legal separation in my state.


What the hell kind of plan is that? You told him:

1) That the current situation is unacceptable *to you*

2) That you're not going to do a damn thing to change the current situation; that you are going to wait patiently for him to resolve the current situation--no matter how long he takes.

Has it occurred to you that he finds the current situation 100% acceptable--that he actually likes the current situation just as it is--and that he has no intention of changing it?

Right now he has none of the financial worries of a potential divorce. He has a woman to raise and love his children (and cook, clean, etc...). Plus he has a hot woman on the side. 

And, now that he knows he can have another woman on the side with zero consequences, expect him to have more. Hell, if he can have one hot affair, why not have 2, 3, 4, or more? What does he have to lose? Nothing; nothing at all. You are making that perfectly clear to him right now.

Trying to force a passive/aggressive person to do something is like punching the ocean. Your fist makes a little splash when it first hits the water, but then the water envelops not only your fist but your arm. When you remove your fist from the water there's no evidence you even hit it to begin with--just a smooth surface on the water.

Your husband will not do anything until he he is hit with the reality of losing what he has. That means YOU must start the divorce proceedings (and put him in the position of having two years to reply).


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## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

Thanks everyone


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