# Polygraph - would you. Ale your spouse take one?



## AFamOf4 (Aug 2, 2015)

Sooo I have another long post on here that spells out my whole story about my husband responding to Craigslist adds for months. He is adamant he has never touch another woman (or man, he's not gay or bi, just didn't want their to be any questions), that it was all just the excitement of getting responses/pics/feeling wanted....I appreciate all your responses on that thread...

So before posting on here I believed he had told me everything. Most of me still does - I've known the man for 13 years and this was going on for 6 months, but I'd like to believe I still know his heart and soul. He says he made mistakes looking, but he never could have gone thru being with anyone else....I've found no evidence in all my digging to think he actually went thru with it. All the emails texts either just stop or on the occasion they did agree to meet him, he flaked last minute. None of them look like he actually did anything...

After all your responses, some of you seem so sure that men cannot change. Once a cheater always a cheater. And that got me questioning things, because no matter how sincere he seems, some of you have been thru this for so much longer than I have...

So I brought up a polygraph. He agreed to taking one, saying he's told me everything. He did say he was nervous because of free results come back inconclusive or anything, he's scared I will immediately fileor divorce. He said he will take one no problem, but he's still scared because he knows the results are only as good as the reader of them and his whole life hang in their hands....

The test costs $650 and its with a legit polygraph person with many credentials and years of experience. She will only do marital cases of the couple is in counseling and she has to speak with the counselor first to make sure both parties are mentally and emotionally stable enough to hear the results. I can respect her for that, I'm sure she's seen a lot  


So my question is, would you do it? That's a lot of money! But for peace of mind, it'd be invaluable. Our counselor seems to think it's going a bit off the deep end...ihavent told him (counselor) that I need his professional approval first, but I will be asking him at our next session on Thursday if I decide to go thru with it...

Would you trust polygraph results as fact either way?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I would. If nothing else for the make him realize you cant trust him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If your partner wants to believe you are a cheating, lying, sack of hooey, no number of tests will convince them otherwise. Likewise, if your partner wants to believe you, it would take a mountain of evidence to convince them otherwise. You could have horns, a pitchfork, and a tail and a woman who wants to believe you are a saint will believe you are.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Just do it, you will save more than $650 worth of therapy, not to mention the peace of mind that knowing the truth will bring.

It is the best you are going to get to truth. Many people get a "parking lot confession" or even a confession after the appointment is made. Call his bluff.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

If I ever get to the point in my marriage where I need to polygraph my husband or he needs to polygraph me, I'm getting a divorce.

If you get the polygraph, are you suggesting that the slate is wiped clean and this isn't going to come up again?


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

I don't know but I'd probably get nervous that it might affect the results anyways lol. Really, I'm the type that gets paranoid when polices are around, and nervous when feeling observed. 

With my H I trust him and don't need a polygraph test.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I would do it as i have nothing to hide.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No. Because if you suspect that much then the answers don't matter.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
There was a poster on here who agonized for weeks over his wife taking a poly. He vacillated back and forth and finally decided to pursue it. She passed and even though she was still interacting with the OM and showing significant disrespect to her H, he felt he was not in a position to question her because she passed the test. I understand the thought of some that the test will conclusively, once and for all, put to rest any doubt. This is sadly not true for many because of the fact that the test is far from infallible and, with proper preparation, the test can be "tricked". There are additional factors, as you have mentioned, regarding the experience of the tester and so forth.

I would be hesitant to rest my marriage, my family and the future of same on such a dubious indicator. If your H is sincere in his desire to change you will know. In fact, you will not be able to stop his change even if you were inclined to do so. I would rely more on his actions and his behavior and the way he presents to you and the family because I feel that will offer you more accurate results than what you propose. I will no doubt be in the minority here but I am convinced that your efforts, your finances and your family would be better served concentrating your efforts elsewhere. I wish you success in your decision and happiness in your future.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
completely agree.

The tests are not trustworthy, and even if they are they tell you nothing about what a person will do.





EnigmaGirl said:


> If I ever get to the point in my marriage where I need to polygraph my husband or he needs to polygraph me, I'm getting a divorce.
> 
> If you get the polygraph, are you suggesting that the slate is wiped clean and this isn't going to come up again?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The questions are the key.

As I have mentioned before the Jeremy Kyle Show uses a simple 3 question format:

1) Since your marriage to .... have you ever passionately kissed anyone else?
2) Since your marriage to .... have you ever had any sexual contact with anyone else?
3) Since your marriage to .... have you ever had sexual intercourse with anyone else?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cross-posting from another thread...



honcho said:


> We had someone here a few months ago who had hubby take test and he failed or test was inconclusive I don't remember offhand but prior to the test her husband had been looking up websites on how to beat a poly etc. Everything leading up to test said guilty guy trying to hide something.





GusPolinski said:


> And this is EXACTLY why I wouldn't even mention a poly w/o first having a pretty comprehensive monitoring solution in place. Once you find a Google search along the lines of "how to beat a polygraph", there's no point in actually going through the test.
> 
> Unless, of course, you're just looking forward to the parking lot confession.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

AFamOf4 said:


> Sooo I have another long post on here that spells out my whole story about my husband responding to Craigslist adds for months. He is adamant he has never touch another woman (or man, he's not gay or bi, just didn't want their to be any questions), that it was all just the excitement of getting responses/pics/feeling wanted....I appreciate all your responses on that thread...
> 
> So before posting on here I believed he had told me everything. Most of me still does - I've known the man for 13 years and this was going on for 6 months, but I'd like to believe I still know his heart and soul. He says he made mistakes looking, but he never could have gone thru being with anyone else....I've found no evidence in all my digging to think he actually went thru with it. All the emails texts either just stop or on the occasion they did agree to meet him, he flaked last minute. None of them look like he actually did anything...
> 
> ...


Please read the links in my signature. There is a lot about the polygraph you need to know.

The polygraph is junk science.

Re-read NoChoice's post. It makes so much sense, whether you believe the legitimacy of the polygraph or not.


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## itbeme (May 2, 2015)

please go ahead an have it done since he is willing. Hopefully you will get peace of mind, thus helping in the healing process and take it from there. Wish I had of thought of that option when I was trying to cope and make my way out of the darkness.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

Nope.

The best polygraph is your gut instinct. Accuracy 100% Cost $0


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

My agency violates sex offenders based on deceptive results of polygraphs. They are fallable for someone to deceive and hide something by taking certain drugs, causing inconclusive results.

Depends on if polygrapher knows what they are doing they can tell you if something is off(taking drugs) with the person they are questioning. 

If my spouse were to take one, I would require a drug test before also.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

I had my wife take a polygraph. You can find my thread in the private section. I'll warn you before hand that it is a long read. 

The short version is that a few years ago I begun noticing a change in my wife's behavior. She was working a ton and we fought a lot. She frequently mentioned one co-worker and they spent a lot of time together. (A few work trips plus lots of lunches and at least one time grabbing drinks after work). I should have set boundaries much earlier, but I can't change the past. She had a work retreat with him and a few other executives and I know at least a few bottles of wine were consumed. I caught him coming to her hotel room the next day to check on her because she cried during a heated business meeting. She claimed absolutely nothing happened but I had a very hard time believing it. Her behavior was very different during this period of our marriage.

Eventually she agreed to take the polygraph to show she was telling the truth. She passed, although before taking the test she did admit to cheating on me while we were dating. 

Overall things have improved, although I think we still have a long way to go. My wife is resisting going to counseling, even though I think we could benefit from it. 

Like everyone else said, a polygraph is just a tool to help you make a decision. Knowing what I know now, I would say only use it if it is a last resort. Exhaust all methods of finding evidence. If you are sure there is no remaining evidence and no chance of catching your spouse (VAR's, keylogger, etc..) then it might be something to explore. 

Let me know if you have any questions.


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