# Our old kitty and my husband



## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

My husband and I have two cats. Both are 13 years old. The one kitty, Annie Marie has what looks like an open tumor on her side. The vet said he suspects it might be cancer. 
She also has these fits. It almost looks epileptic, but I think it has to do with the wound because she keeps opening it up worse.
For a while she did very well, and it started to heal over. Then it started all over again being an open weeping sore.
It looks horrible and very ugly, and it stinks.
At one point I tried to cover it with a surgical pad and bandage but it didn't work. The first thing she did when I took it off is go into our bedroom, get on the bed and pee.
I want to put her out of her misery, but my husband is being very selfish. I don't know what else I can say to him to get him to change his mind. 
If I just go do it myself, without him knowing he won't forgive me. 
I told him I love her very much too, she and her brother are my bottle babies. I fed them when their eyes weren't even open yet. But we can't keep going on like this.
He is thinking of himself and not her welfare.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Please put her out if her misery, tell your husband you found her dead or she got sick and died on the way to the vets. Sometime people get blocked emotionally and someone else needs to step in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Not at all what I was expecting. It is hard to let go of a dear friend even to the point the family friend is suffering.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

mablenc said:


> Please put her out if her misery, tell your husband you found her dead or she got sick and died on the way to the vets. Sometime people get blocked emotionally and someone else needs to step in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is how I would handle it.How can he stand to see the poor thing like that? 
I get not wanting to let go of a dear pet but why let her linger like this?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Every responsible pet owner needs to be willing to make hard decisions that are best for the pet. It's the worst part of owning a pet, for sure. But sorry, I don't know what you can tell him to get him to change his mind. If you don't want to do it behind his back, then you could just tell him that you'll take care of it. Not asking him if its ok, just telling him that it needs to be done, and you'll do it. He doesn't need to know any other details.

C


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

on a semi-related side note I would get a living will drawn up ASAP so it's crystal clear what your wishes are if you ever in the unfortunate position of having your life extended through machinery


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## AFwifey (Apr 26, 2013)

You should take matters into your own hands with this situation. Perhaps even have the vet explain what the best option is.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

theetoeturtle said:


> My husband and I have two cats. Both are 13 years old. The one kitty, Annie Marie has what looks like an open tumor on her side. The vet said he suspects it might be cancer.
> She also has these fits. It almost looks epileptic, but I think it has to do with the wound because she keeps opening it up worse.
> For a while she did very well, and it started to heal over. Then it started all over again being an open weeping sore.
> It looks horrible and very ugly, and it stinks.
> ...


My conversation would go like this.


At some point, you aren't prolonging life... we're just postponing death. 

Keeping Annie Marie alive when all we're doing is postponing death is selfish on our part. 

Annie Marie had a long... full life. 

I love her just as much as you do... For Annie Marie's sake.. It's time... time to let her go... 

Time to do the right thing....please, for Annie Marie's sake. 

We're making the right choice. Do you want to go with me? 

At that point, I'd pick Annie Marie up and take her to the vet to be put down and see if he objected... or stopped you.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your husband is being selfish. And inhumane. I have an almost-14-year-old Cornish Rex cat ("Boo"), who is still hangin' tough. He has a problem with his thyroid, but still eats well, uses his litter box, and is very loving. 

Granted, he is senile and a bit nutty ... But he isn't suffering physically. As soon as I see any evidence of that, I will have him put down.

I know it is hard to let go, but your cat's quality of life is not good. I've gone through this type of situation before. It is NEVER easy, but it is worse to let an animal suffer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So the vet offered nothing that could be done, like antibiotics to help the cat?

I wonder if you can take the cat to a vet when your husband is not home. Have the cat put down. And then bring it home and tell him you found the cat dead. I'm usually not into lying, but geez... how horrible to have this cat suffering. A putrid sore is also not healthy for others in the home.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> So the vet offered nothing that could be done, like antibiotics to help the cat?
> 
> I wonder if you can take the cat to a vet when your husband is not home. Have the cat put down. And then bring it home and tell him you found the cat dead. I'm usually not into lying, but geez... how horrible to have this cat suffering. A putrid sore is also not healthy for others in the home.


I thought about that...

The only thing I can add is that I might put Annie Marie in one of her usual sleeping locations, hopefully one in the bedroom and let H find her. 

If he asks where she is, I'd reply... " I saw her headed to the bedroom a while back".

I guess it all hinges on how bad your conscientious will bother you.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I hate the idea of lying... but I would as a last resort. 

Do you think there's a chance he'll listen to the vet? One thing I always ask a vets is, "if this were your cat, what would you do?"

I've found them to be frank about putting an animal down. Maybe your H would listen to the vet's recommendation?

Otherwise, I'd do as others here seem to agree - do it, bring the cat home and pretend she died at home if you feel he would never find out otherwise from the vet.

I'm sorry.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I wonder if you can take the cat to a vet when your husband is not home. Have the cat put down. And then bring it home and tell him you found the cat dead. I'm usually not into lying, but geez... how horrible to have this cat suffering. A putrid sore is also not healthy for others in the home.


I feel like this is the best suggestion so far.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I hate the idea of lying... but I would as a last resort.
> 
> Do you think there's a chance he'll listen to the vet? One thing I always ask a vets is, "if this were your cat, what would you do?"
> 
> ...


Just pay in cash.


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

Thanks everyone for your responses. I talked to my husband tonight and he seems to be coming to the realization of it. He got pretty emotional. 
This talk came about after Annie peed on the couch while sitting next to him after having one of her fits.
I think the idea of having the vet talk to him is a good one. Dr. Johnson is the one who has looked after her with her latest medical problem, he's very nice and supportive, and I think it would be helpful.
Again thank you everyone for being supportive.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

theetoeturtle said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses. I talked to my husband tonight and he seems to be coming to the realization of it. He got pretty emotional.
> This talk came about after Annie peed on the couch while sitting next to him after having one of her fits.
> I think the idea of having the vet talk to him is a good one. Dr. Johnson is the one who has looked after her with her latest medical problem, he's very nice and supportive, and I think it would be helpful.
> Again thank you everyone for being supportive.


I'm glad he's coming around.


Granted I have a very small sample size but, it seems like men have a harder time putting a pet down than women. Women are the voice of reason on this issue. They seem to recognize when it's time better than men. Wonder why this is..


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband couldn't put our cat down either.

I had to do it.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Well it's good he's finally starting to be reasonable about this. I'm really sorry you guys have to make this choice


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I agree, your husband has to come to terms with it himself. Have him take the cat in to the vet next time the wound needs re-sealed & antibiotics given. let the vet talk to him.


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

Thought I would update everyone on our kitty. My husband finally decided it was time. Got money out of the bank, asked that I make an appointment for Friday. This was on a Wednesday.
I told my husband that she wasn't going to make it till Friday. Sure enough, early Thursday morning we heard her cry out. My husband got up first, and I asked him if she was still alive and he said yes, but by the time I got out of bed, she had passed away.
My husband buried her in the back yard. 
Rest in peace Annie girl. You're out of pain and misery.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

Thought this was going to be a menopause thread....


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

We have a 13 yo formerly feral grey and white shorthair named Oscar.....It took the wife weeks of coaxing before she could even touch him...one touch and he shuddered from nose to tail, but a week later he was craving cuddles...

He has been a good buddy and friend to us...I truly dread when I am faced with your decision....It is always my first thought before adopting a pet.....

the woodchuck


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