# Yup, OM finally contacted my wife 4 months later



## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

This morning something made me feel I should check the phone bill so I did. Yesterday the OM contacted my wife 2 times both which she denied happening. I contacted him and told him once again that we told him to go away and he needed to go away. His response was "she lied to me so many times. I'm so through with her. I've moved on long time ago, don't panic it was a wrong message"

My first thought was, "no **** sherlock she lied to me too" As I thought about the message I have a very hard time thinking anything was by accident otherwise he wouldn't have told me all that. This guy is simmering because my wife told him lots of things and broke his heart by going with me after spending nearly two years denouncing her love for me to him. My feeling is that OM was checking back because he is still in love with my wife who god knows what she told him. What he told me on d day was all I could handle. 

I told her I wasn't too worried sounds like he hates you. I told my wife what his response was and she said something very arrogant that if she called him up he would take her back in a second. I told her this is the arrogance that is a major turn off for me. She's so mesmerized by her own greatness that sometimes that's all that matters. She's gonna have to come down off her pedistal and act like a human being rather than a mesiah that every man wants. "gods gift to men" For too long I put up with the arrogance. Sometimes I'm actually glad I cheated on her. I think it may have just brought her down to earth a little.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> Yesterday the OM contacted my wife 2 times *both which she denied happening*.


This is the major red flag and the most worrisome part of what you posted, but I'm sure you know that.

And yeah, one message you can write off to a mistake, but two? Not unless he's a major doofus. 

If she's still lying there's still a problem. Have you gotten any advice from the others here who have both cheated and been cheated on?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Her arrogance is hers alone but it has been fed by all the men who have chosen to get involved with her. But when all has been said and done, NOBODY deserves to be cheated on, not even your wife nor you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The bigger deal is: why did she deny to you that he contacted her twice?

That is not cool. At all. She lied to you.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

Your wife hasn't learned a damn thing!

Her not telling you about the text smells of dead carcass, my man... ROTTEN!

That snide remark at the end isn't a sign of remorse; it's a sign of resentment.

This incident doesn't bode well for your so-called "reconciliation."

Tread lightly.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and her comment about him taking her back at the drop of a hat was super offside.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> For too long I put up with the arrogance. Sometimes I'm actually glad I cheated on her. I think it may have just brought her down to earth a little.


You had me on your side, until you said the above.

You two deserve each other.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Her arrogance has made my blood boil for years. I feel like this woman got me all whipped then pretty much told me how it was just a few months into our relationship. I think every time I cheated was not long after a "if you don't do it someone else will comment". She would say that right in front of a room full of people. Once I did not speak to her for days over it. She just looked me in the eye and told me it's true. It's really hard to love someone with all you have when they look you in the face and tell you that they will cheat on you if you aren't making them happy. I know my actions were bad and I regret all I did but there is a piece of me glad that I've made this woman eat sh1t for once in her life.

OM they fell for the same things I did and were mesmerized by her. Main OM who I blamed for much of this I'm not sure sure I feel that way right now. I remember talking to him and hearing his heartbreak and being so numb I found myself consoling him a little. Kinda felt like, "hey man we both fell victim to this woman". Funny I thought it was the OM manipulating her but really it was her picking and choosing the ones she wanted. She was the predator here not OM. 

I want to get close to her and I want to be able to love her but she has to let go of the arrogant bullcrap. I don't want to know how easily replaced I can be anymore and I don't want to know how so many other men would have her. I don't give a flying F*ck about any of it and the little show. I just want her to value me and make me feel like I'm worth it to her even when I'm not doing something for her. 

She swears on her deceased mothers grave that she did not get a text from OM yesterday even after I present all the evidence she swore she didn't. I don't really know what to think of that. She's never swore in that way. Throughout the marriage I've never got her to swear on anything. I tried to get her to swear she'd never cheat on me again and she couldn't do that just after d day. I wonder what if she actually didn't get any message? I just don't want to start a bunch of sh1t right now with me coming home today. After d day and that pain then after her d day and that pain I just don't know if I can handle any more pain at the moment.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Of course she got the text message.

Who are you going to believe the phone company or the woman who has a track record of lying to you.

She doesn`t sound remorseful at all.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Dexter Morgan said:


> You had me on your side, until you said the above.
> 
> You two deserve each other.


I know its a bad thing to say and a very bad thing to have done. I have alot of resentment in me towards this woman so yes I do feel that way as the only guy who she says ever cheated on "the goddess" as she called herself. For years she expected my love with nothing in return. I ate her embarrassing, selfish remarks that demeaned me for years with never as much as an apology from her. Me cheating felt like the one thing I could do to show her that she wasn't the only one in the relationship who could "get it elsewhere".


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> You two deserve each other.


And this comment is helpful how?

:scratchhead:



ashamed74 said:


> She swears on her deceased mothers grave that she did not get a text from OM yesterday even after I present all the evidence she swore she didn't. I don't really know what to think of that.


This would greatly piss me off. She's gaslighting you and isn't even doing a good job of it. What'd she say when you told her it's in the phone docs. That is pretty blatant lying.

Bottom line is: do you both want the marriage? And if so, under what conditions? Cause what you have done in the past hasn't worked. 

Start there and figure out what you both want to do.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

I want to get close to her and I want to be able to love her but she has to let go of the arrogant bullcrap. I don't want to know how easily replaced I can be anymore and I don't want to know how so many other men would have her. I don't give a flying F*ck about any of it and the little show. I just want her to value me and make me feel like I'm worth it to her even when I'm not doing something for her.

Do you value yourself?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Is she technologically competent? You can try to bluff her telling that you are going to recover received calls/messages from her cell phone. Some cheaters will lie to their death. There was a cheating wife that swore on her children's life that she was not cheating. Turns out she was doing it for an year.


How did he contact her? Text or phone call? How long was the duration if there was a phone call. I would be suspicious of a second phone if I were you. Are you sure there is no second phone? Some VARS and keyloggers might help. Or nanny cams


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Does anyone on here know about skype? She is sending messages with someone who has skype. Is there a way to find out who this is? She tells me one thing that would be okay with me I'm just not sure I believe that either. My gut tells me this is a woman who has had love affairs with other men since we were dating. A career flirt. I doubt she goes the next six months without me catching something else. Crazy how she deleted every female off my facebook in jealousy and can continue to find ways to still cheat on me. I don't get it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Cheaters usually project. They realize how easy it is to cheat and get paranoid

why don't you have a keylogger on her computer?


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Is she technologically competent? You can try to bluff her telling that you are going to recover received calls/messages from her cell phone. Some cheaters will lie to their death. There was a cheating wife that swore on her children's life that she was not cheating. Turns out she was doing it for an year.


On d day I read a month and a halfs worth of her love affair messages in here phone with a few OM she had at the time. Then I reviewed the text records and saw 30000 text messages to OM over the course of one year. The text messages were so hurtful I don't think I could handle seeing the transcripts. All this went on during a time when I thought our marriage was very good. Judging by the extent main OM was whipped I'm sure it's pretty lovy dovy stuff I don't want to hear. OM told me how she told him she couldn't live without him and the thought of him being with another woman made her very jealous. The stuff he told me that day truly broke my heart. She was exactly what I felt she was all along and I knew it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> Does anyone on here know about skype?


Sorry. I can't offer help since I do not Skype or know how to use it.

stop focusing on the OM. You need to focus on your wife/marriage and decide what you want.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Cheaters usually project. They realize how easy it is to cheat and get paranoid
> 
> why don't you have a keylogger on her computer?


I subscribed to web watcher but haven't installed it yet. Her computer she used for years is pretty much wasted and that leaves three others in the house to choose from. I'm not sure which one she would use. At home she is never on the computer like she used to be when the cheating went on so I'm not sure where to go. There is my computer and our two daughters computers. She doesn't use any I know of.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> Does anyone on here know about skype? She is sending messages with someone who has skype. Is there a way to find out who this is?


Is she using Skype on a smartphone or on her computer? Not sure about logs if she's on a computer, but chat logs via Skype on an iPhone can be recovered from the backup folder on the computer she syncs to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She uses skype from her cellphone?


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

This story gets worse with every post you make, _ashamed_.

You're babysitting now.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Do you mean she is using Skype on her iPhone??? Does she ever leave her phone unattended, like when she goes to take a shower? If so, you should make a gameplan to get spyware hooked up on her phone while she hops into the shower.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

She uses Skype on her cell phone. We have t mobile and she has a blackberry. I just get a 5 digit number on the phone bill so I have no clue. I wish I knew who that was and if she was telling me the truth. Sorry for babysitting. I'm at my desk. I'm just feeling real bad right now. That and a combination of talking to OM for the first time in 4 months and him telling me how he would never have forgave her for what she did to me. Sorry for being here. I'm hurt.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

This is going to continue until you Man up. Is your life so much better with constant worry about your arrogant cheating wife then starting a new life?

She does not seem to care about you why do you waste your time trying to revive your marriage when she acts like that she does not want to?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> She was the predator here not OM.


Why on God's green earth would you want to be with a woman like this?

My STBXW (love that acronym!) is cut from the same cloth yours is, and I'm dumping her.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think there is a second phone. The OM calling her, him telling you that it was a wwrong message and her telling you that she did not receive one... You should seriously consider this possibilty. Cheater;s standard protocol is to have a 2nd phone(usually a payphone)


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

If you really want to know what she's up to, you could always hire a PI.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> And this comment is helpful how?
> 
> :scratchhead:



Its a point. He does all this ranting about her, and cheating, when he is no better. I guess the only consolation in it all is that he told the truth about cheating, whereas she is still lying.

I had this whole thing thought out to reply to him to help him, until I saw that he is being a hypocrite.

Once you cheat, you lose the right to complain about being cheated on.

How is it helpful? Everyone is blowing sunshine up his arse as if he has done nothing wrong. Someone needs to let him know that he doesn't get to take the high road. If he wants to work on things with her, then have at it. But it doesn't sound as if there is anything to work on. He has alot of resentment, as he should, but he should have just left.

Now that he has already cheated, and STILL has resentment, maybe its time to pack it in and realize they aren't meant for each other, and she is meant for nobody.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Why on God's green earth would you want to be with a woman like this?
> 
> My STBXW (love that acronym!) is cut from the same cloth yours is, and I'm dumping her.


:iagree::iagree:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ew. Why do you stay with her?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Gonna rug sweep again IMO. Love her too much, she screwed up is sorry, tears in her eyes. His heart melts, takes her back. Rinse/repeat and complains 24/7 to everyone about it.

Must be a very fun and enjoyable life you're having so far.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Dexter Morgan said:


> Its a point. He does all this ranting about her, and cheating, when he is no better. I guess the only consolation in it all is that he told the truth about cheating, whereas she is still lying.
> 
> I had this whole thing thought out to reply to him to help him, until I saw that he is being a hypocrite.
> 
> ...


We are both equally cheaters. My style was just nights out when I was out of town. 6 or so times over almost 11 years together. Never any long lasting EA with anybody. Hers was constant companionship by OM for what could be the entire 11 years with me being told she would do just that every other week. It did feel good taking it out on her when she told me she would get it elsewhere and proving the point to me that yes I was wanted too. I hated the "or else" bullsh1t. 

Since my discovery of what she's done I have chosen to come clean with my past deeds and behavior I chose to end on my own years ago out of guilt over her thinking she was the only one guilty. There's a difference between us. Atleast to me there is. She continued right up to the end even when things with both of us were going better than ever. I really thought we finally had a great marriage while all this was going on with her. She led many OM on just as bad as she led me on. The stories that I got from OM about how she felt about me just made me very sick. I feel very lied to the whole marriage. She called her shot every time she told me she would get it elsewhere. I'm happy I bursted her bubble and brought her down to earth. She doesn't know this but I can't help but feel it in me the more I realize about her and just who she is. 

I really want the both of us to work together and try to make this marriage work. I will give my commitment and my promise I will be faithful. I can't take back past deeds but like I said I stopped me. Being caught didn't stop me I stopped me. I truly want a faithful loving marriage. I know if this goes to divorce she will get my daughter with my job being out of town a few nights a week. I want my daughter with me. During all my wife's affairs it was me being the primary parent while my wife ignored everybody. I can totally forgive her for what she's done I just need true assurance this isn't who she will continue to be. I don't want anymore demeaning threats. She tells me she loves me everyday. If she does then I want her to show it with what she says and does. The things she said for so long made me feel like nothing that mattered in her life. I can't put up with the woman she was for so long.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Ah, so you did it, she got to use her get out of jail card and now the slate is clean on both ends. Gotcha.

BTW, her lying about having contact with the OM, not good. She owns up to it or you're back to square one again.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> She led many OM on just as bad as she led me on. The stories that I got from OM about how she felt about me just made me very sick. I feel very lied to the whole marriage. She called her shot every time she told me she would get it elsewhere. I'm happy I bursted her bubble and brought her down to earth. She doesn't know this but I can't help but feel it in me the more I realize about her and just who she is.


Again I ask, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who lied to you your entire marriage? I caught my wife physically cheating on me with an old boyfriend three years after we married. I forgave her, we went forward blissfully, lived happily (I thought) together for another eighteen years, and just found out two weeks ago she has been having an ongoing EA/PA affair with a guy in California since last October! The whole last 18 years of our marriage has been a lie as far as I'm concerned.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Ew. Why do you stay with her?


Waiting for a return of the woman I fell in love with. There was a time when I really believed her and it really meant something to me. It's really hard letting go of the good stuff. She may be the only women in my life I ever felt that way about. Nothing will be easy if I leave. I'm really afraid to leave.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> We are both equally cheaters. My style was just nights out when I was out of town. 6 or so times over almost 11 years together.


Ah, so basically this wasn't even a revenge cheat. You are a serial cheat, and are using her attitude as an excuse.

Sorry, but you said you did it just so she can feel what its like to not be the only person that can get it elsewhere.

But you did this over a course of 11 years. So this wasn't an isolated, revenge cheating incident. Not that revenge cheating makes it any better.




> Never any long lasting EA with anybody.


So?




> Hers was constant companionship by OM for what could be the entire 11 years with me being told she would do just that every other week.


So for 11 years, instead of nipping it in the butt, or getting rid of her, you used it as an excuse to do what you wanted to do in the first place. Have sex with other women.




> Since my discovery of what she's done I have chosen to come clean with my past deeds and behavior I chose to end on my own years ago out of guilt over her thinking she was the only one guilty.


Ok, something isn't right about your story, unless you aren't telling it right.

You said you did this so she'd know what it feels like. So all those years, you kept it from her only to come clean AFTER you discovered what she did?

If you just discovered it, how can you cheat throughout 11 years out of spite not knowing beforehand?:scratchhead:


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Again I ask, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who lied to you your entire marriage? I caught my wife physically cheating on me with an old boyfriend three years after we married. I forgave her, we went forward blissfully, lived happily (I thought) together for another eighteen years, and just found out two weeks ago she has been having an ongoing EA/PA affair with a guy in California since last October! The whole last 18 years of our marriage has been a lie as far as I'm concerned.


I saw your post yesterday. I share your feelings but knowing I'm guilty too I can't help but want to save things. She screws up again and I will follow in your footsteps. I truly have very little faith she won't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

Clearly neither of you know what love is when you are both cheating on each other. Your marriage is going to fail (sorry but its true) because you dont have trust. You are both serial cheaters who have proved time and time again that you are not worthy of trust. Even if you want to wipe the slate clean, Its clearly she doesnt. Especially when she is still in contact with the OM. Its only a matter of time before one of you file for divorce.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> Waiting for a return of the woman I fell in love with. There was a time when I really believed her and it really meant something to me. It's really hard letting go of the good stuff. She may be the only women in my life I ever felt that way about. Nothing will be easy if I leave. I'm really afraid to leave.




Um, you also said that she strong-armed you into marrying her, and belittled you, etc, right from the beginning. So when, exactly, was she this awesome person you are referring to?

You need to stop being so f*cking scared. I think she has brainwashed you. You don't think you can get another person as hot as she is, and anybody else would be a drop in the looks department, right? But you are capable of bedding women, clearly, so maybe stop chasing ass, drop this witch of a wife you have, and find someone maybe not as "hot" that actually has a nice soul and heart.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Pain in marriage is not a zero-sum game. It's exponential.

If you have an affair, and wife has an affair, it doesn't cancel out. It's like 3 affairs.

You guys have a lot of crap to deal with, personally and relationally. I hope you're in IC and MC.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Dexter chimed in on the thread this morning with the comment

"You had me on your side, until you said the above.

You two deserve each other."

Which caused Jellybeans to reply with



Jellybeans said:


> And this comment is helpful how?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Now, ordinarily, Dexter's comments are gold, but in this case, Jellybeans is correct, and Dexter hasn't been paying proper attention to our protagonist.

So, since I am bored, I decided to compile a history of quotes from Ashamed74. Call it the Shameful Cliff Notes, or something.

Our conflicted hero began his publishing career with a thread titled "Karma calls," on 01-30-2012, where he laid out his plight-

_"On D Day trying to deflect some blame she asked me if I had ever cheated on her. I really wanted to tell her the truth about that. Not to hurt her but because I feel like total crap for the man I was for so long. She was not the only one in this marriage who has been unfaithful. I look at me and know the truth is I've been unfaithful for nearly the entire 9 years we've been married. I was even cheating on her when we were still dating."

"What helped me change my ways was christ. My pastor was up talking about me when he was talking about the deeds I have done."

"The extent of my PA's was a few one night stands a year. I would not want to know if my wife did this. It would be more hurt than I think I could stand. Some things are better left unsaid."_

Dual infidelity, but our guy manages to stop, thanks to Jesus, and a pastor who singled him out anonymously in church.

The young couple had a rocky start, as most star-crossed lovers do, when one party is cheating chronically on the other.

_"We had lots of fights mostly over little things that should have never been fights. We both ended up in jail together in year one."_

Fortunately, they entered a period of amnesic bliss, because by February 01, the marital history had improved!

_"I forgot that it all started a few years back before I was being all good to her and she gradually went out of control. This is what happens when a man neglects their wife long enough."_

The seeds of discontent had been there ALL ALONG, if only he had LISTENED TO HER!

_"My wife told me time and time again what she needed and all I did was give her excuses. I regret not stopping and thinking for a minute that putting a little effort into my wife would keep her loyal. OM won't make excuses. OM will do whatever your wife wants him to."_

But with cheating comes wisdom, and if Ashamed74 learned one thing, it was how to handle an OM.

_"You could try beating the living sh#t out of OM. I would if he wouldn't go away on his own."_

After struggling mightily with his dark past, he achieved catharsis, coming clean with his unfaithful wife about his own infidelity, on February 2nd!

_"Well I've done it. Telling someone about something this bad isn't something a person just springs but the time came. She asked me and I could no longer hold out who I have been. Right now she's not talking to me."_

Oh, wait, need more ominous details about that dark past.

_"I had some really sick things happen to me growing up. Things I just can't share with anyone. This was the place I went when these things were happening._

Oh, come on, sailor- don't tease us, you highly successful manager of 60 employees who would never guess at your sordid past!

_"I don't think the single life would be good for me. I have a high tendency to abuse drugs. I've always loved the bad stuff. The married life always kept me from self destruction."_

Oh, yeaaaaaah. That's how you spread it out.

By February 4th, some of the less trusting among us had raised questions about the veracity of Ashamed74, who is so cherry, he didn't know what a troll was. He even said so!

_"I'm not sure just who would waste their time posting something like this. I didn't come to this site for entertainment. I don't know what a troll is."_

By February 5th, the problem clarified itself. It's addiction!

_"My wife was addicted to me she said. It felt great."_

But then, just like that, the addiction got worserer.

_"She became addicted to all the attention then neglected me for a few years till I found out what she'd been up to. By that time I was really trying with her and doing my best so her doing what she did hurt. I didn't forget the man I was."_

The part about not forgetting the man he was is particularly cute. What kind of man is that, exactly?

Why, the kind of man who would do ANYTHING to preserve his family. We've moved to February 6th now, in case anyone was wondering.

_"I offered over a year ago to find a different job that works for our family. I am so tired of being on the road. She doesn't want me to quit because of the the money. I've always let her drive my company car. One of the benefits is I get practically any choice of a car and get to order all the fancy stuff. She loves it."_

Hell, 5 days ago, you were guilty of not listening to her, not meeting her needs. But as a successful manager of 60 employees who would never guess at your sordid past, it sounds like you were meeting her needs very well. Don't be so gosh darn hard on yourself, cowboy!

And thus dawneth the 7th of February.....

Meanwhile, the 13 men his wife had EAs with over the years or whatever, are just luckier than they know, that Ashamed74 and his wife are going to stay together, because if they weren't.....

_"If the marriage is over then probably best to kick OM's ass for kicks. I know I would. The only guarantee I can think of when an OM takes one's wife should be a severe, humiliating ass kicking."_

Because he's found God!

Meanwhile, we're back to having had a rocky start to the marriage.

_"Looking back I didn't want to get married to begin with but she gave me the ultimatum. She got very demanding and was always complaining once we'd been together about a year, year and a half. It's hard to feel loving when someone is always *****ing. Women don't seem to understand this very well. The OW were a nice excape from being with a woman that thought she was so great that everything was just owed to her. She said many hurtful, belittling things to me in the early years that did not make me feel reassured. I would do this for her or else. I didn't feel like she valued me much. It was always about how great she was and how she could find somebody else. I'm waiting for a return of the woman I met."_

Now, if you're like me, you read that and say to yourself, "gee, it sounds like he was listening to her pretty well. It seems difficult to be able to write this and also write that he neglected her." But consistency is SOOOOOO overrated. Let's just move along.

The return of the woman you met? The woman you dated who forced you to marry her before you were ready? That sweet thing? Yes, that one, as he explains several hours later-

_"I just wanted to take more time before we got married. A few bad fights had really shaken me before we got married. She was a physically abusive woman and would slap the sh1t out of me all the time. I left and she went pretty crazy on me and convinced me to come back."_

_"The fights were just so over the top for me. She is very strong and just about hit like a guy. She threatened suicide when I walked out the door and nearly succeeded."
_

So he missed the sweet loving woman that went to jail with him due to the severity of their fights, the woman who grew into a demanding harpy who forced him into marriage, through a combination of astonishing beauty, incredible boxing skills, and botched suicide attempts. What a woman. I can see how you would love her so much that you cheated on her chronically.

But it turns out that this isn't Ashamed74's first rodeo.

_"My w1 didn't have it for the looks and cheated more than the woman I am with. I was so naieve and believed everything. I never hardly saw her. The lies I believed were amazing. Then after her I met my wife who just swept me off my feet. The dark side is I have been pushed around and controlled this whole marriage. I don't have any friends or anyone to get support from because I've never had a life. Even over the two year period my wife was cheating daily she was logging into my email and fb. If I leave, then what? I have no support."_

Presumably, wife 2 swept him off his feet with a right hook. And this proves he is genuine- he couldn't possibly be a troll, he is so naive that he can't spell "naive!"

And he's never had a life! Poor guy. Did I leave out the quote where you state that your wife goes in and deletes all your female friends' contact information in Facebook? 

Besides, he can't leave- he loves his daughter too much!

_"We learned pitching together and she was my buddy while all this went on. She is terrified of a divorce and not seeing me and demands to be with me."_

Demands to be with her father who is on the road so much that he would take a non-traveling job if his wife didn't have such expensive tastes, like driving his company car that he must not actually use while on the road.

But that was yesterday. Today, things are much better.

"I'm thankful my daughter knows nothing of our issues."

Me? I'm thankful that you're such a prolific poster.

Moar, please.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> Waiting for a return of the woman I fell in love with. There was a time when I really believed her and it really meant something to me. It's really hard letting go of the good stuff. She may be the only women in my life I ever felt that way about. Nothing will be easy if I leave. I'm really afraid to leave.


She may not be there anymore.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

that_girl said:


> She may not be there anymore.


:iagree::iagree:
Precisely right I think. All the red flags are there still that she's messing around. 

She may be just biding her time until she can check out of the marriage officially with a lawyer/financials, etc.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

NotLikeYou - that is the hardest I've ever laughed on this board.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So you are both confirmed cheaters and you still pull crap like skype messaging with others but not tiring fully transparent??

She is or will be cheating again soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

****I told my wife what his response was and she said something very arrogant that if she called him up he would take her back in a second. I told her this is the arrogance that is a major turn off for me. She's so mesmerized by her own greatness that sometimes that's all that matters.****

I always imagine that this the attitude of most if not all cheaters.....and that if their spouse / partner could do better, they would be gone.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It's hard to continue being arrogant when those that have been feeding your ego suddenly decide to dump you. You and all the other OM are feeders of her ego.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I'm so confused. I can't remember who cheated on who with who, in what order, or even what the question is any more.

Ashamed, the two of you have quite a hill to climb if you want to save this marriage. You sound like you might want to, but I'm not sure your wife really gives a damn other than to get her ego stroked. 

Good Luck to you both.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

NotLikeYou said:


> Dexter chimed in on the thread this morning with the comment
> 
> "You had me on your side, until you said the above.
> 
> ...


Actually, all you posted below makes my point.

Our "protagonist" said, in this thread, that he cheated just to give her a taste of what its like and show her she isn't the only one that can get it elsewhere. 

Really? Over a course of 11 years? And all you posted from other threads makes that point.

And in any case, he is acting like someone who he himself hasn't done anything close to being as wrong as what she did.

In this thread, he would have us believe that he only cheated to get back at her. Clearly this isn't the case.



> So, since I am bored, I decided to compile a history of quotes from Ashamed74. Call it the Shameful Cliff Notes, or something.
> 
> Our conflicted hero began his publishing career with a thread titled "Karma calls," on 01-30-2012, where he laid out his plight-
> 
> ...


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Well, actually, the point was that if you had kept track of what the OP has been saying, you wouldn't have been on his side in the first place.

Of course, you weren't actually on his side in the first place, you were just being silly.

And I knew this, I just decided to quote you for a compelling introduction to my Shameful Cliff Notes. Which works out okay, because as commenters on TAM go, you're one of the more thoughtful and entertaining ones (who are real, and not trolls, I mean).


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

NotLikeYou said:


> Well, actually, the point was that if you had kept track of what the OP has been saying, you wouldn't have been on his side in the first place.


Ah yes, agreed.




> Of course, you weren't actually on his side in the first place, you were just being silly.


No, not being silly at all.

As I read his first post in this thread, without reading any of his other threads, I was all ready to reply to him to let him know what I think he should do.....until I read the part about him cheating to get back at her, only to even later realize, it wasn't to get back at her and he has serial cheated over a course of several years.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> Does anyone on here know about skype? She is sending messages with someone who has skype. Is there a way to find out who this is? She tells me one thing that would be okay with me I'm just not sure I believe that either. My gut tells me this is a woman who has had love affairs with other men since we were dating. A career flirt. I doubt she goes the next six months without me catching something else. Crazy how she deleted every female off my facebook in jealousy and can continue to find ways to still cheat on me. I don't get it.


You can google it to find out ways to deal with skype thing. Does she have a cell phone? Cheaters use cell phone extensively. You may also consider...


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