# Problem with adult step-daughter



## LucyInSC

My step-daughter is 28 years old and has been living with my husband and I for 4 years. She works full time at a medical office and is pleasant and thoughtful to live with. My problem is that she does not have any plan to be self sufficient. I have had many arguments with my husband about the fact that she pays us nothing to live here. He spoils her terribly. She spends her money on partying, name brand clothes and drives a new Mustang GT. I stopped saying anything about it since the last argument we had, my husband said he was leaving me. So he certainly made his opinion clear. Should I just stay out of it?


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## oties101

How could it be fair to ask you to stay out of it? It's YOUR home too, and unless you have zero monetary contribution to your household, I don't think he has any right to just assume it's ok for his daughter to continue living there forever.

I do have a question though. Does she pay any bills whatsoever? ie. Cell phone, credit card, car payment? 

Have you tried bringing it up to him in this way? "You know, dear, I realize this upsets you to talk about, and you know I love 'Susie' just as much as you do, but don't you think we should at least try to help her become more self-sufficient? Imagine all the fun we could have alone together when she's gone! *wink wink*" 

If he's going to give you an ultimatum such as saying he'll leave if you so much as talk about his daughter again, then I'd say call his bluff. When he says he's leaving, say "Fine. And take 'Susie' with you." Though you would have to be prepared in case he actually does decide to walk out. I wouldn't imagine he'd be gone long though, even the most devoted father has to realize when he isn't doing his daughter any good by helping her.


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## MsStacy

I agree with oties above! Especially the part...."Fine. And take 'Susie' with you". I have to admit...that's what I would say!


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## LucyInSC

Thank you for your replies. I will keep you posted on how things work out.


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## swedish

Maybe you could come up with a compromise that he will not take as a demand, but as something that will help her in the long run. Perhaps suggest charging her 'rent' that you put into a separate account and eventually, rather than keep the $ offer it back to her as a down payment for her own place. If he sees it as a plan for her future vs. you just wanting her out on her own, he may be more receptive...or at least would have a harder time trying to argue your point


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## oties101

swedish said:


> Maybe you could come up with a compromise that he will not take as a demand, but as something that will help her in the long run. Perhaps suggest charging her 'rent' that you put into a separate account and eventually, rather than keep the $ offer it back to her as a down payment for her own place. If he sees it as a plan for her future vs. you just wanting her out on her own, he may be more receptive...or at least would have a harder time trying to argue your point


That is an absolutely wonderful idea! :smthumbup:


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## LucyInSC

Thanks everybody! Great ideas. Although I already suggested putting "rent" into an account for her. My husband just seems to be uncomfortable mentioning anything to his daughter. He said that he told her that as long as he had a house she could live with him and what she does with her money is not his concern. I am "choosing my battles" and said no more. But thanks to you I feel validated.


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