# Wife invited me to her place last night



## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Sorry to start a new thread, but my situation was getting buried and I really value the input. 
My wife was supposed to stop by o pick up something last night. Instead she called and said she was home in bed with a bad back. She invited me to her place for coffee. Said the OM was out of town for the week. I accepted out of curiousity.
I picked up coffee instead and when I got there she was standing in the doorway in her housecoat. We sat and said nothing for the most part. I finally told her I was very uncomfortable being there and she agreedit was strange for her too. We small talked until I finally opened up.
She knew about the horrible situation my new interest was going through and wanted to offer her support. I talked and she listened. I told her how in an instant our loved one's can be gone and we never get the chance to say the things we wanted to or fix the things we hoped to. 
Finally I got up left. It was an awkward moment. We stood at the door forever before I actually walked out. As I drove off I saw her turn off the lights and head to bed.
So there it was. For a while I was the OM. No doubt he would have been furious that I was there with her while he was away. How ironic.
As I drove down the road I texted her that "She would never be you". She replied " You wouldn't want her to be". I said " I know what I want". 
An hour after I got home I received word that EA's b/f had passed away. I texted the news to the wife and we started a long text exchange over the next hour or so. She offered her support again and I stated " You really care don't you?" to which she replied " Yes". I told her about how counselling was going. About how I hadn't lost my temper for two months and that there was strength in controlling my emotions. That I didn't need to yell or scream to be heard or respected. She agreed. I said I was working on listening and not just hearing words....really listening....and she was very pleased. 
I told her unlike so many people that try to appear tough and strong while being soft and weak underneath, I was the opposite, appearing vulnerable and emotional all the time, but begin very strong and tough in reality. She said she knew that.
She said she would be off for a few more days with her back and we could get together again. I'm so damn confused.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

This is pretty normal. I would venture to say, even expected depending upon how your relationship came apart.

So, what can you take away from that encounter? Nobody is quite as sure as they ever think they are.

The OM is no where near as secure as he likely thinks he is.

The two of you aren't finished - and ultimately, you are going to have to decide if you need to be, regardless of the emotions caught up in it.

It's still a mess.

I have been confronted on multiple occasions, that I could likely pursue my ex in a bizarre reverse affair.

An affair might work. Recovering our marriage and rebuilding something healthy? No. That won't happen.

So there you have it ... you're now having an EA with your ex. Is that something you want to pursue?


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