# over it all!



## becxx (May 17, 2012)

hi guys,

me and my partner have been together 8 years!

when we 1st meet our sex life was wonderful we would do it all the time when ever we could get our hands on each other! my man always wanted me, always romanced me made me feel like i was the most beautiful women ever! 

for the last 2 years our sex life is gone! i am lucky to get it once a week sometimes close to 2 weeks! i have a very very high sex drive! and if i dont get it i am very frustrated and very short tempered! i have tried spicing up our relationship time n time again! (always me, he has never wanted to try anything) nothing seems to work! His excuse for not wanting sex is that he is just to tired from work..... 

i want it so bad i dream bout it like 3 times a week! 

he has no problem receiving bjs at least once a week but never wants to put anythin back in! after i birthed our second child he promised me he would try harder! (nothing happened except less sex!) 

we are both in our twenties.... all our fights are over romance and sex! i love him but i am over it, atm im full of pain and resentment towards him, its not what i wanna feel towards the man i love! i never feel special any more, my confidence has hit a low! i feel like im in a one sided relationship! i just wanna be happy! if something doesnt change soon i know i will have to end it, as it is taking its toll on all of us. but i really wish we could make it work for our girls

does anyone know how to rebuild our sexlife, and our save relationship? :scratchhead:


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

The "too tired" thing is pure, unadulterated BS! Stress can be a factor, but "too tired"? No.

Maybe he's stressed. You know what, I've said this before, SEX DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MUTUALLY _PHYSICALLY_ SATISFYING all of the time. There is great satisfaction in giving to another when there is nothing in it for you outside of their satisfaction. It's why we love to give gifts. "Better to give than receive" should never have more weight than it does in the marital bedroom as far as I'm concerned.

And as I've said before, we do non-sexual things to please our partners all the time. Back rubs. Foot rubs. Taking out the garbage, cooking a meal, or paying bills! There is nothing mutually *physically* satisfying about any of that, so why, when it involves a couple silly body parts below the belt, should that suddenly change? It shouldn't! He may not want it as often as you. That's fine. But as someone who loves you, he should not be denying you what you want simply because it is not physically satisfying for him. Assuming of course, you're not a sex addict, which you do not appear to be. A couple-three times a week is on the low side of a healthy, strong desire. You're good.


----------



## Energy (Sep 9, 2011)

I don't think I have ever gotten to the point that you have, but I have been with my wife for 14 years, and probably around year 8 or 9 is when things started to get a little stale, same moves in the bedroom, etc. Then one night we got a sitter for the kids and when drinking with some friends. We decided not to drive and to get a hotel room, and ended up having the dirtiest kinkiest sex we ever had. That one night spurred all sorts of ideas in my head, and motivated me to try harder in the bedroom. Now I am pretty sure there is nothing we haven't done or tried and it's been fantastic. In other words, try to get out away from the kids and away from the normal bedroom setting to reignite the flame.

One unspoken rule though was that we try to be very equal in the things we do to each other - otherwise that resentment will exist, and you will feel like "hey, I did this for him so why won't he do this back?". As far as making sure things stay equal, use a lot of dirty talk, or do something else to him while telling him what you want him to do. The kinkier and more taboo it gets, the more he'll think about you.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

If he's not recipricating orally, stop ding it for him! 

You guys are in need of therapy to get to the root cause of this issue.

Not to be nosey, but have you gained weight that he might find to be a turn-off or something else like that?


----------



## becxx (May 17, 2012)

thanks guys for your help!

i will try everything! 

donny he does seem to be more stressed since he started his new job about 6months ago. i totally agree with everything you said!

energy i have a kid free night this weekend, so hopefully i will be able to get him in the mood and outta the bedroom!  we have to find our equal line thats for sure!

toffer i know i should stop doing it for him! but i enjoy it! even if he hasnt returned the favor for about 7 months! i dont mind if he doesnt give me oral just some sex would be good lol. i was thinking that it had something to do with my appearance, but i have lost weight, i also keep myself well maintained.

he came home last night and we had a massive talk about it all again..... hopefully i got though.... we are going to give it one more chance before we go to therapy. I will try everything i can think off to turn him on and hopefully one day soon i might get my 3 day a week lol.

thanks guys for your help!


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

My wife were in a similar situation, only roles reversed. Sex therapy has helped a lot so far. We are having sex more like 4-5x a week now (all by her choice which shocked the heck out of me!).


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

buzzedbee said:


> So what can you do? Learn to accept, work on patience and forgiveness, pick up a few hobbies, and perfect the art of masturbation.


There is more that you can do:

Sex Therapy
Books (we can list many if you want)
Talk more about it (find out what is holding her back)
Schedule sex
Dates/vacations can help

Finding out what your wife's love language is: Home - The 5 Love Languages®

Edit: Guess buzzedbee deleted his post, but if you are reading still... don't give up!


----------



## buzzedbee (May 17, 2012)

Those are great points Browncoat. I moved my post to another thread. My personal situation is a little different because of some medical stuff. I mainly though am trying to make the point that you know, you can't change someone else, you can only really change yourself. Sounds trite, but it is something I am learning every day.


----------

