# So ridiculous....



## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

I'm almost embarrassed to post this. But need to vent.....

H has a decent relationship with his ex for Co parenting reasons.* They have been divorced for like 13 years, she is remarried, son is 15. MIL is still VERY close to the ex. 

When we got married,* his ex sent me a friend request on FB, which I accepted,* feeling it was the right thing for my step son.* She used to tag H, MIL, and me in posts,* pics,* etc of my stepson. 

Whenever we visit MIL, she incessantly talks about the ex.* At a recent visit which I was unable to attend,* H told MIL to please stop bringing his ex up in our presence as he feels it is disrespectful to* me and our marriage.* She didn't respond well.* (This was not at my prompting. Although we share these feelings, I never asked him to say anything to his mom). This was around Aug/Sept 2015.

Shortly after that visit,* I noticed that I am excluded from EX's group texts,* tags in pics,* posts,* etc.* So I'm assuming that MIL shared that conversation with the ex.*

In December,* I told H* I was upset about the sudden exclusion of group texting,* and he ended up blaming me. Saying that I hadn't responded enough or in the proper manner.* I admit,* my responses had always been brief,* but very nice. Of course,* since he said that,* I felt he'd taken her side and I was pissed about it.* I kind of expected him to say to her, " hey,* include Peaf in the convo", but he didn't, and I understand the delicate relationship when it comes to co-parenting, so I'm not surprised that he didn't. 

Another issue was that she was constantly commenting on our stuff.* If I posted a picture of us,* she'd comment on his clothes or beard.* If he posted that he was a certain country,* she'd make a cute little request for a gift from said country. If he posted about a crazy woman at the airport, she's comment that she hoped I managed to get the next flight. Honeymoon pics, there she is. New pics of new home, car, event, and there she is. It's like I was constantly being bombarded by her, and it was irritating.* 

Typically. I'd handle something like this by saying something, but I feel like an outsider in this as they have all been a family for like 20 years , and I'm "just the new wife" and I don't want to make waves where my step son is involved. 

I decided I was no longer going to argue or be upset about her, as this has been an ongoing point of contention for a couple months* so* I "unfriended"her a few weeks ago.* 

So today she sends an email to H asking if she had offended me and why did I "unfriend" her.* I mean really?!? I'm 40 years old,* and I think she's like 47! This is so juvenile and I can't believe I even feel kind of bad about it.


----------



## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

Sorry about all the *'s in my posts...formatting issue perhaps?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MIL is the cause of this. 

She needs to accept that you are his wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Be honest with her. she already knows something is up. What do you have to lose by civilly telling her what is bothering you? She's not going to go away, the child is there for life.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think the entire thing is caused by not enough division between your husbands old life and his new life. While I applaud everyone for being civil after the divorce there's no reason everyone needs to know everyone else's daily business. Your husband should be able to see how all this chatter about the ex and all this communication with the ex is disrespectful to you, she is his ex you are his NOW. 

I think it should have stopped the first time the ex made some catty or flirty facebook post, both you and your husband should have unfriended her, also ex MIL should have the common courtesy to not talk up her daughter up in your presence. 

Your husband has let this go on to long, the problem now he is going to say you are bothered by what is going on and that will reflect badly on you. The reality is all this should bother your husband because it diminishes your position in his life, and that's what HE needs to tell all the ex family.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think you did the right thing by unfriending her on facebook. Letting an ex be too closely involved in your lives is a recipe for disaster imo. It's good they are on good terms but you need your space.


----------



## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

facebook is the devil! I not only unfriended, but blocked my ex and his new wife. I have absolutely zero contact with them, and I like it that way. My daughter is old enough to have her own relationship with her dad, I don't need to be involved. Now my son and his ex..I remained friends with her on FB because I want to see pictures of my grandkids. I've very careful though.. I don't comment on anything not relating to my grandkids. I get tired of the lovey dovey crap she posts about her new husband, but I just don't say anything I am polite and keep her at arm's length.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Peaf said:


> I'm almost embarrassed to post this. But need to vent..... Vent away, you've come to the right place.
> 
> H has a decent relationship with his ex for Co parenting reasons.* They have been divorced for like 13 years, she is remarried, son is 15. MIL is still VERY close to the ex.
> 
> ...


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

If you are excluded from the group tags, there is nothing you can or really should do. Trying to get your husband to do something about it is an attempt to control his ex by proxy. Stop that.

As for the rest, yes, your MIL is a problem. Kudos to your husband for standing up for you. 

What does he have to say about the situation?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## thebard77 (May 24, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> MIL is the cause of this.
> 
> She needs to accept that you are his wife.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with this. Also, your husband should not have blamed you for his mother's behavior. I've seen this often where one spouse has a close attachment with parent and as a result tends to react poorly when the spouse and said parent have issues. More often than not the parent's side is taken which always leads to spousal resentment and hurt.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

When I have a little time, I'll throw in my comments. LOL

Let's just say, the MIL is the culprit. And 3 women involved in a man's life is too many women.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Peaf said:


> Sorry about all the *'s in my posts...formatting issue perhaps?


Glad you explained... I thought you just liked posting with *stars*...! 

:lol:


----------



## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

Thank you all for your input.* I was feeling like maybe I was being petty,* so I appreciate your feedback.

My step son is the only grandchild for MIL, so I can appreciate her relationship with the ex (but cannot excuse her disrespect of our marriage).** It's like THEY BOTH fail to realize that he's moved on (he had said this himself). I was glad that H addressed that issue to MIL. Due to distance (we are currently in Germany for 3 years) we will see how well she respects his request. I'm not sure if she shared info to be spiteful,* I think they both just like to gossip. Maybe I'm being naive. 

I agree that there is not enough division between H's* old life/new life. When I bring this stuff up to H, he gets defensive about it saying that he can't control her behavior and is in no way encouraging it (I agree,* he is correct). He has conducted himself appropriately, liking/commenting on things directly related to his son,* and nothing else.* But I do expect that he set some clearer boundaries, or maybe reestablish them.*And sometimes, most times, I just want to vent and have him agree or at least listen. But you men are fixers aren't you?  So he thinks I'm telling him to DO something about it, which isn't necessarily the case. Ex is very clever,* I'll* give her that.* Her comments are very veiled* statements that if you respond,* YOU look like the ass.

EX'S current husband doesn't seem to care. She's one of those that is constantly on FB and posting every single little thing that happens. Leads me to believe they have little interaction.*I'm not even sure he pays attention to it because the amount is posting she does is so ridiculous. When they came to our wedding* (oh yes,* there's THAT part) they spent the whole night with MIL at her table. He really doesn't seem to mind it. MIL sends Ex, ex's husband,* and ex's other non-related kid gifts,* cards, etc.*

I did email his ex this morning.* I forwarded her email back to her with the following:

*Hi ex!*H forwarded me your email.***I* accepted* your friend request* so we could stay in touch about (stepson).* I noticed that in the last 6 months or so,* that I have not been included in posts, pics, group messages,* etc.*It did bother me a little,* but H has kept me up to date.**I* typically will go through every so often and unfriend people I've not kept in contact with.**I hope you all are doing well and we look forward to (stepsons) visit. All the best.

I tried to shoot for honest but remain classy. I left out the posts, etc that I felt were inappropriate because it'll only result in a battle of perceptions.

My H thanked me for doing that stating that he did not want to get involved.* I told him that I felt that was a little unfair as it was his ex, and she was the one who involved him but I understand his position (basically I refuse to argue about this woman anymore). He is currently out of the country and our communication is limited to email,* so we have not had a chance to really TALK about any of this.*

Before H left,* we did have a disagreement about the whole FB thing (me being upset about it, him saying it isn't his fault) and he ended up deleting his account. I suppose it was his way to avoid the situation.**

So now I guess I await her response,* if there is one.* In the meantime,* communication with MIL has diminished and I am very generic in information I share with her,* as I feel she is not trustworthy.* 

Evinrude, I look forward to your comments. 
Thanks again guys!


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wait, what? The ex came to your wedding???? Seriously?


----------



## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

Frusdil, yes! 

My stepson was going to be in the wedding and at the time we lived about a 6 hour drive apart. H and I were planning his flight down (we always pay one way, the ex pays one way) and I told him "hey, did you wanna invite ex? Since her son is IN the wedding and all, I'd be a nice gesture" fully believing that she'd have the common courtesy to decline. H said, "I guess if you want. Surely she won't come, right? " and we laughed about it. But no, she and her H showed up...lol. 

It was alright at the time. She was cordial and sat with MIL and my Hs friends from his home town. H was a pretty upset that his friends and family spent more time with her than with us, but in fairness we were being social, so we were kind of everywhere. At this time, I'd only been around her a couple times and missed the indication that she was a nut, and H hadn't clued me in. 

I think this is a fine example of me not always knowing where to draw the line and probably my fault why boundaries are so sketchy. What I was attempting to do was create an environment where my step son feels that he is part of all of this with us, and if that means include his family, then we'll do that. I don't think he cares that much though, and now no one knows when they are overstepping, or doesn't care. 

(I think a lot of this stems from my last relationship where his kids despised me, and I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again and probably going about it all wrong.)


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I made mistakes with who I invited to my wedding too. If I could go back I would remind me that it's supposed to be DH's and my day and only have the ppl we really wanted there, but no matter, it's done.

You're starting to put in some boundaries now. Better late than never.


----------

