# Older dad and custody



## MissJan21 (Jan 25, 2021)

We have been married for almost 20 years. Ours is an agegap marriage, my husband is almost 77 years old but mentally and physically healthy, what is the chance of him getting shared custody when we divorce? He is a good man but extremely verbally and emationally abusive. Our child is 12 years old.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Most states are 50/50 unless, agreed upon differently, or excruciating circumstances are present. But in reality you actually need to speak to a lawyer in your specific area to have an idea legally what's what concerning child custody depending on the circumstances. But once again 50/50 is what's standard for the courts.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Why would you deny him shared custody?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

MissJan21 said:


> He is a good man but extremely verbally and emationally abusive.


You've got yourself quite the contradictory statement here.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

I forgot to add...I'm not sure many courts would be in favor of age discrimination.


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## MissJan21 (Jan 25, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> Why would you deny him shared custody?


Because he's emotionally abusive. Also because of his age he doesn't have the energy that requires to take care of a 12 year old. My husband takes nap everyday and by 8 pm he's in bed.


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## MissJan21 (Jan 25, 2021)

Benbutton said:


> You've got yourself quite the contradictory statement here.


Yes, I do. I guess I'm feeling guilty leaving a man who is almost 77 years old.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

MissJan21 said:


> Because he's emotionally abusive. Also because of his age he doesn't have the energy that requires to take care of a 12 year old. My husband takes nap everyday and by 8 pm he's in bed.


I hope you have a better argument than that for the judge. Naps equal bad fathers? That’s certainly a new one.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

MissJan21 said:


> We have been married for almost 20 years. Ours is an agegap marriage, my husband is almost 77 years old but mentally and physically healthy, what is the chance of him getting shared custody when we divorce? He is a good man but extremely verbally and emationally abusive. Our child is 12 years old.


Does your child get along with their dad? 

Do they complain of his abuse? 

Your husband's age is inconsequential in court as long as he's mentally and physically healthy. However, if he is emotionally/verbally abusive to the kid then you have a case. You need to collect evidence to present in court. 

Another option: You may want to check the laws in your state but most allow a child to choose which parent to live with at a certain age (usually 14). The kid completes an affidavit that is filed in court to make the change. Most states only allow this change every 2 years. 

Unless your spouse is truly abusive to your child, I recommend you let your kid have their time with him. In the long run, your kid is almost a teen. Teens get to decide their primary custodial parent (see above) and their custody schedule (in some cases, whether they see the non-custodial parent at all) since child custody orders require parents to make a child reasonably available for visits, not be forced kicking and screaming.


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## Baby Fark McGee-Zax (Aug 14, 2021)

MissJan21 said:


> Because he's emotionally abusive. Also because of his age he doesn't have the energy that requires to take care of a 12 year old. My husband takes nap everyday and by 8 pm he's in bed.


Ok, you had a child with a 65 year old man and are complaining that he doesn't have the stamina of a much younger man in regards to parenting now that he is pushing 80 years old? As for the abuse, I hesitate to take any claims of abuse at face value, regardless of who is making the accusation, because people are lying bastards a lot of the time, especially when it comes to a contentious divorce and custody battle. I can't take anyone at their word, whether it's the alleged victim or alleged perpetrator, without anything more to back it up. In my line of work, if I did that, there would be a lot of unjustly punished people. And it happens more than you think. If you can prove the abuse, you'll probably end up on the winning side of this, which would be for the best. It's not sitting well with me that you're using his naps and early bedtime as a reason to call him unfit though. It comes across as you throwing out anything you can, trying to see what sticks, to deny him access to your shared child. If you go in to court with that, that's exactly what the judge is going to think as well and it won't end well for you. Unless you can prove he's abusive it's most likely going to be a 50/50 split, but trying to cut him off from any custody because of his age is pretty messed up considering you chose him to start a family with.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MissJan21 said:


> Because he's emotionally abusive. Also because of his age he doesn't have the energy that requires to take care of a 12 year old. My husband takes nap everyday and by 8 pm he's in bed.


Well, if you are judging by that standard, here on this very forum we often hear tales of young mothers who require naps and also go to bed really early. But no one talks about denying them equal custody because of it.


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