# Rusty, confused and attracted to a hot girl in the workplace....



## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

I'm single again after 11 years, had a year to get over the last relationship and excited about dating, not finding mrs right, just seeing what happens.

So enter attractive woman, new in the department and she flashes her smile a few times at me. Over the last couple of weeks she has been more and more chatty with me, initiates conversations, flirty, innuendo, and in the last week has become increasingly touchy.

All talk has been very light, cheeky kind of talk, nothing 'serious' and she mock jokes about her not having anyone, not being pretty, etc. I've not said anything obvious to counter this, in fact I joke along with her even more.

The problem is she is very outgoing and talks to pretty much everyone, sometimes I feel its 'in the bag' that she is interested in more than friends but then I'll see her chatty with someone else and doubt myself.

I haven't made a "move" yet because..
1) if it goes wrong it would be awkward working with someone
2) I divorced my wife because of infidelity, I don't want another rejection

I've been keeping it flirty and safe, during a joke today as she was leaving I mockingly said if she gets lonely I could always giver her my phone number. She didn't take me up on my offer so once again I'm like WTF? This was just after she had grabbed my hand - twice.

Now it could be that...
-she was in a rush
-didn't take my offer seriously as we were joking
-it was a pretty lame approach and she doesn't respond to that
-she aint interested

I don't want to be in the friend zone, happy to be friendly but I don't want to be her new BBF.

I'm not sure how to play it now and hoping for some insight? I also don't know what the time frame for this is, if I was in a club or something then it would be an instant move but she's not going anywhere so I don't need to rush things. Do I?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

This is a tough one because she could just be the flirty type who loves attention. We had a woman like that at work; she loved to go around to every office and talk to people. One poor guy in IT fell for her, and when she declined a date, he took it very personally, and now will not talk to her at all.

I would test the waters by asking her for a light date: coffee, lunch on the weekend. Again I am assuming a lot, but this type of woman may also be the kind who will cheat on a husband,

Also, be sure what your company's policies are on workplace romances. Some do not tolerate them, and some will say it's OK, but many people will talk and look down on them.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

I wouldn't say she is flirty with everyone, she likes talking to people male or female, old or young. She doesn't talk to anyone else as much as she does with me and I've not seen her being flirty with anyone. Of course an attractive woman being friendly could be misinterpreted...

No issues with workplace romances - I think. We have married couples working together.

I've not fallen or anything for her, just interested to know more about her to see if there is anything there.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

if you have any close work buddies you trust ask them if they notice any extra attention she is paying you or not - sometimes it takes an outside observer to paint an accurate picture. If she is paying you extra attention it either means you are a safe haven or someone she wants to take a chance on her. Do as Lovesherman suggests and ask her out!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You offered her numbe rand she wasn't receptive.

Do not do that again. 

I never ever think it's a good idea to mix work with pleasure. Ever. 

My advice is to chat & be cool, but be aware-- you gave the idea of your # and she didn't take it so do not pursue. Abort! Abort!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Time to grow a pair.

if you think she interested just say hey want to go out sometime if she says no just move on like nothing happened.

when I was young I was a pretty big horndog. this is how I would get to know women.

when ever I caught a women looking at me I would pay particular attention to see if I could catch her looking again and if I did I would imediatly go right up to her and start some small talk and start reading her body language. Is she touching her hair,is she standing with an open postuer, lots of smiles maybe even touching your arm. then your in 

if she isnt acting interested in what your saying or sitting crossed legged then abort 

google body laguage and read up on it you can tell a lot from it and its kinda of fun and interesting to read about.

good luck and buy some condoms!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I always think that office romances are very unprofessional. 

One of my unmarried co-workers had an office romance with another team member and when it failed, it was a train wreck. It had far-reaching effects within our group, and neither of them were looked at with as much profressional respect after that.

I think Jellybeans is right.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

can't argue with office flings being bad in the long run.

whats more important a peice of a$$ or your job


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

I agree that office romances can be an issue but it really depends on 2 things 
1) the maturity of the people involved and how they handle it
2) the level to which they are professionally involved

Right now that doesn't worry me, what does it that this is the first time in 11 years that I've found someone I like. Not just talking about a piece of a$$ here, we're talking personal attributes that in a female that I find very attractive.

My marriage may have failed because of infidelity but even with that out of the equation I wouldn't go back to my ex-wife. She simply doesn't have enough personality traits which I need, things like independence, a sense of adventure, passion, determination, business acumen, etc.

Personally I think it would be each easier to find another job than it would to find someone who I want to know physically and emotionally.

Anyway, getting way ahead of myself here! As Jellybeans pointed out, she didn't take me up on my offer. That still puzzles me because I've had other guys say things like "wow, she certainly likes you". She is always talking to me, grabbing my chair when she walks past, smiling at me, touching me, playful banter, etc.

If I do cool this off then she is going to know something is up, our interaction level has been very high. I think this is the right thing to do but if she asks me if I'm ignoring her what am I supposed to say? "You didn't take my number so I'm not going to talk to you any more?!"


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You have mentioned your "ex" a couple of times, don't get in the habit of comparing women to your ex like you're looking for everything your ex wasn't, it just isn't fair. And don't approach every woman you have an interest in as the potential next wife, just leads to disappointment.

The next step is very simple, it sounds like you work in an office so you probably get an hour lunch break, offer to take her to lunch, frankly it may be more professional if several of you go to lunch together. If she says yes don't evaluate her, keep it professional and just talk to her and find out what she's like. Take your time.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

She has shown some interest, so I would pursue it. You will always wonder what could have been if you don't. Don't worry about rejection; you won't get what you want without putting yourself out there.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

"You will always miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky

As a corollary, get used to rejection in the dating marketplace. It's actually good for you. Forces you to stop imagining 'what could be' and deal with what is, which may be something, or nothing. Point is, you won't know until you ask for a date.

You will drive yourself crazy, as you are now ... if you wait until you have a 'lock' on every woman you ask out.

"Care to join me for a coffee?" It's that simple. Do it.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Deejo said:


> "Care to join me for a coffee?" It's that simple. Do it.


This. Giving her your number may be too big a first step. Asking if she wants to grab coffee is a nice first step to spending time alone with her. No real committment on either part, but a chance to talk with just the two of you. You can both pretend it is too co-workers, while understanding that you are trying to see if it is something you are interested in moving forward with.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If a guy at my work offered me his # and I declined or didn't take him up on it, that is a clear sign I am not into getting his #. If he asked me out for coffee after me blatantly not accepting his #, it would be a turn off.



Enchantment said:


> I always think that office romances are very unprofessional.





chillymorn said:


> can't argue with office flings being bad in the long run.
> 
> whats more important a peice of a$$ or your job


:iagree:



Indy Nial said:


> Personally I think it would be each easier to find another job than it would to find someone who I want to know physically and emotionally.?!"


Oh, my. Thing is, you offered your # to her, and she didn't bite. Making plans in your head about it being easier to find another job is getting ahead of yourself, IMO. 



Indy Nial said:


> As Jellybeans pointed out, she didn't take me up on my offer. That still puzzles me because I've had other guys say things like "wow, she certainly likes you". She is always talking to me, grabbing my chair when she walks past, smiling at me, touching me, playful banter, etc.


Do not try to understand. Just accept what happened. She was not receptive for her own reasons. Do not dwell. 




Indy Nial said:


> If I do cool this off then she is going to know something is up, our interaction level has been very high. I think this is the right thing to do but if she asks me if I'm ignoring her what am I supposed to say? "You didn't take my number so I'm not going to talk to you any more?!"


Nope. Please do not do that. You will sound crazy to her. You guys work in a PROFESSIONAL environment so keep your emotions and personal issues out of it. Treat her as you do any other colleague. It's what you're supposed to do. Don't be weird or awkward. Just be cool. Don't make it weird between you guys by saying "You didn't take my # so now I won't talk to you anymore!" That comes across as very immature and no woman would find that attractive. Ever.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

> "You didn't take my # so now I won't talk to you anymore!" That comes across as very immature and no woman would find that attractive. Ever.


LOL. First of all I would NEVER even contemplate saying remotely that because it is so ridiculous, it was meant to be a rhetorical question.



> If a guy at my work offered me his # and I declined or didn't take him up on it, that is a clear sign I am not into getting his #.


And how would respond? Would you immediately after he said that ask him to walk with you out of the office? That's what she said, when I said I wasn't leaving yet cos I was hitting the gym, she asked which gym? and when was I going? Clearly implying she would wait if I was leaving soon.

I think what Tall Average Guy said is true. We haven't had a serious conversation its all been very light and around work related stuff. It would have been a very awkward conversation if she had taken my number.

Plus, I remember thinking when I made the offer, "man, this is a really weak and pathetic attempt to see if she is interested". She was mockingly saying how lonely she was and how the weekends where the worse. I said something like "awwww, Mary (not her real name) you're not going to do anything stupid are you?" At this point I put my hand on the desk, she put her hand on mine, I then put my other hand on hers and she put her other hand over mine. She looked at me and said something about no one liking her and it was at this point that I mockingly said something like "oh dear, why don't I give you my number in case you need someone to talk to?" She said something after that, it ignored my question whatever she said. Thats when she asked me to leave the building with her.

In terms of dating someone in the workplace, I really dont see the problem. She isn't in my team, I'm not her boss, I have no involvement with any of her work. I fail to see how dating someone in the same building as you is unprofessional. We are both very professional.

Anyway, I wont be in the office for a few days so wont see her. I'll play it cool and if she offers me an olive branch then I'll ask her for a drink/coffee. If she is a bit distant then I'll respect that and keep our relationship business only.

I do need to know and her not jumping on my phone number offer is not conclusive enough for me to say she is not interested - feel free to disagree.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Even if I were interested in a man, I could see myself ignoring an offer like the one you gave. Asking for my phone number is completely different, though. It shows that he's willing to do the work to contact me, is confident enough to ask, and most importantly it doesn't leave me vulnerable. If he doesn't call I won't feel rejected. If I call and he doesn't answer, I'll start wondering if my ass is too big.  I say try a different tactic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> Even if I were interested in a man, I could see myself ignoring an offer like the one you gave. Asking for my phone number is completely different, though. It shows that he's willing to do the work to contact me, is confident enough to ask, and most importantly it doesn't leave me vulnerable. If he doesn't call I won't feel rejected. If I call and he doesn't answer, I'll start wondering if my ass is too big.  I say try a different tactic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep....as otherwise liberated, modern, independent or what have you, as I may be, I don't call guys first and I don't ask them out. Me taking a guy's number is a waste of space in my cellphone, he has to initiate the conversation. Otherwise, total friendzone.

In that situation, if you'd said something like, "well, if I had your phone number, I bet we could fix that" then it might have gone differently if all the other signals were there. 

And in large companies, it generally isn't a big deal to date in the company, as long as it isn't in your group or chain of command. I don't see that as an issue at all...but definitely GET her number instead, even if you do go get coffee or something!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok well she is definitely flirting with you.. (the hands thing). 

My advice is to play it COOL. Cool as a cucumber 

I still don't think involving personal relationships & work is ever a good idea though. We can agree to disagree on that one, Indy.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

> In that situation, if you'd said something like, "well, if I had your phone number, I bet we could fix that" then it might have gone differently if all the other signals were there.


LOL - Hindsight is always 20/20 



> My advice is to play it COOL. Cool as a cucumber


I can play it cool  My x-wife always said that one of the things that attracted her to me was my aloofness. She never was sure if I was really into her or not.

Its good to know I'm not imagining the flirty thing. I'm really good at reading people...until it involves me! Then I either read too much or not enough


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Indy Nial said:


> I can play it cool  My x-wife always said that one of the things that attracted her to me was my aloofness. She never was sure if I was really into her or not.


I find a lot of women are attracted to men who don't drool all oer them in the beginning. LOL.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> "Care to join me for a coffee?" It's that simple. Do it.


:iagree:

And the good thing is, going for coffee together is office appropriate.

When I was new at an office a few years ago, my first week in, a guy from a different department who I'd barely spoken to asked what time he could take me for coffee. He said it was part of induction for new staff, as a way to learn about other areas of the company. So we went for coffee. Chatted about the business. He asked about my personal story. When we returned to the office, he said it was a pleasure and that my husband sounded like a really great guy. When my coworker joined the company later, I asked her who was taking her for her "Induction coffee" from the other department. It was then I discovered there was no such thing lol. *shrug* it was a harmless coffee. He learned I wasn't single. I learned about the company.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Sounds like a blocked field goal attempt to me.

But what do I know about women. If a woman (work place or not) declined my offer for a phone number I would move on. I don't need the brutality of it being spelled out to me in slow motion over loud speaker. Not that this is what you're asking for...that's just where my mind went.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I think sometimes we forget to see if the attraction is mutual. And why not be in the friends zone first? Most especially after being married and divorced. Now we have experience we know it takes time to get to know someone, do we have shared interests, shared passions etc. So during the chatty moments find out what her interests are, what does she do in her time away from work. And then if you find you have a mutual interest start talking about that and see if there’s an event you can both go to based on that interest.

Personally I think that better than go on a “romantic date” first where there’s the possibility for all sorts of misunderstandings and rejection. “Work” wouldn’t stop me if I thought I’d seen a woman I could spend a lot of time with. And remember she’s a woman and will see you coming from a mile away. If she’s a decent woman she’ll steer you a bit or let you down gently.


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## lht285 (Aug 25, 2011)

Ask her if she has a cute friend that does not work with you. 

You might get her cute friend to go out with, and you don't get into a messy situation at work. Cute girls usually have cute girlfriends.

If she really likes you she might set you up with someone really cool. 

When stuff hits the fan it does not matter how "mature" you are, it becomes a miserable existence at the office.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

My two cents...

About 2 years ago, after a messy breakup, I jumped into a 'relationship' with someone that works at the same company as me. It was fun for a few weeks, then went down the tubes, so I ended it after about 5-6 weeks. To this day, I find myself avoiding this person (thankfully we work in separate areas) and I still find it uncomfortable, even though I was the one who pulled the plug. Proceed with caution...


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

UPDATE.....

I decided to cool things off after the whole number thing...

Day 1: kept to myself, didn't ignore her just didn't initiate conversation. She hung round my desk talking to people next to me.

day 2 : As Day 1 but she didn't hang around so much

Day 3 : Says hello to others round me but not to me, then as soon as she sits down she fires an email saying "Have you fallen out with me?"

I send one back saying "huh?". She then replies saying I've been very quiet etc. So I go over and talk to her and she is super friendly, suddenly back to talking to me touching me, innuendo, etc.

Day 4 : Ask her out to lunch, she readily agrees and we have a nice hour just talking about her and my careers, etc. Nothing too personal. She does the old grabbing my arm when we cross the street, drops a hint that she is single and is once more super friendly when we get back to the office, Indy what about this? Indy what about that?

I did some little experiments making some pretty explicit innuendo and not only did she laugh but she reciprocated. 

Day 5: We talk a bit in the morning but then doesn't really talk to me the rest of the day, when she walks past me she will touch the back of my neck or poke me in the back. Makes no effort to ask if I have plans for the weekend or initiates/hints at any conversation. When she leaves she says have a nice weekend and gives me another poke.

One minute I feel like its a dead cert she is interested the next I feel like I'm invisible. She does talk to a lot of people so I'm now wondering if she is just one of those people who wants everyone to like her.

I'm also thinking a bit more about me and what do I really want. I'm recently divorced, am I just craving some female companionship? Maybe we should just be friends and see how it goes? Do I want to date someone from work? or am I just over analysing things and should just jump back on the horse?

I do not want to be in limbo, if I was in a relationship then I would be very uncomfortable with the way things are right now. The problem is she seems happy leaving things as they are, she hasn't even asked basic questions which you would naturally want to ask if you wanted to know someone.

I don't believe that there is such as thing as platonic girl/boy friendships. I feel like she's doing enough to keep me interested but no more. I really don't want to be on a a string.

If I play it cool again then she is going to ask me why. I feel like just being honest and saying I don't want to be just some guy you hang out with. But that implies I want more and I don't know if I want more. She is growing on me and if she is interested that it will just snowball, I cant do steady relationships, I'm either all in or out.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

That entire post is about her flirting with you, even when she pulls back. She felt you backing off a little too much at one point, so she sent you an email to reel you back in. She wants to be pursued and gives you ample opportunity to do so. She plays the game the exact way that I used to. That makes me biased, but I like her. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it would be soooo much easier if women just went into heat like cats and just walked around with their butts in the air, meowing louding


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

> I did some little experiments making some pretty explicit innuendo and not only did she laugh but she reciprocated.


take her home and bang her.

Wait, wtf did I just write that? Been reading too many PUA books I guess.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> I agree that office romances can be an issue but it really depends on 2 things
> 1) the maturity of the people involved and how they handle it
> 2) the level to which they are professionally involved


Doesn't matter for those 2 items, if things go badly it doesn't matter how mature or professional anyone is. A pissed off person doesn't care about maturity or professionalism at that point.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Lon said:


> take her home and bang her.
> 
> Wait, wtf did I just write that? Been reading too many PUA books I guess.


rub one out first so when she tells her friends she can say hes great in bed.

maybe you'll be banging all the girls in the office you can be the office playboy.:smthumbup: 


just joking.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Another UPDATE :

OK so everything has been going fine, last week I made a cheeky suggestion that she owes me a coffee, so where is she taking me for lunch? She says something like "oh yeah, you're right lets go this lunch time". Lunch time rolls around and I ask if she is ready at which point she tells me she has been suddenly given a ton of work, can we do it next week instead. I take this as a negative sign, sounds like a lame excuse so I just say "Forget about lunch, you don't owe me anything".

This then spirals into a confused email chain... Am I rejecting her... No because she turned me down... It was work, nothing I can do... She then suggests tomorrow (this would be a Saturday). At this point I think what the hell and ask her out to a movie and bite to eat. She says she already has something on but we should set a time for another day. I make a few suggestions which she cant do and I say something like "just forget it", she says "You're NOT serious. Are you?". We end with us saying we will discuss next week and arrange a time that suits us both.

Today was the first chance I got to be in the office, she strikes up conversation instantly with me when I arrive but I have to leave fairly quickly so don't get to discuss the date with her. I then email her later on asking when she is next free. She replies with "I should be free in 3 weekends; I think". This to me is just ridiculous considering I asked her out last weekend. Either she is playing too hard to get for my liking or she just isn't that interested. So I just send a note back saying "Look, can we just forget I ever asked you out. I'll bring in some memory wiping devices and we can forget the whole thing ".

She responds with "Man, you are such hard work! Fine - forgotten!"

I'm too old for this crap, am I not playing the game properly or something? Is 3 weekends reasonable to wait for a 1st date? Have I blown it?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> Another UPDATE :
> 
> OK so everything has been going fine, last week I made a cheeky suggestion that she owes me a coffee, so where is she taking me for lunch? She says something like "oh yeah, you're right lets go this lunch time". Lunch time rolls around and I ask if she is ready at which point she tells me she has been suddenly given a ton of work, can we do it next week instead. I take this as a negative sign, sounds like a lame excuse so I just say "Forget about lunch, you don't owe me anything".
> 
> ...


I don't like game playing. I understand not falling all over someone, but she's serious game playing. It's like she's read the book - 'the rules' and taken it to extremes. If she hints again - tell her call when she's available.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Why you are in a Ladies Lounge asking about how to get a date is way beyond me.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Golfergirl - yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking. You're either interested or you're not.

AFEH - LOL, I guess I thought women would give me a better perspective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Indy Nial said:


> Golfergirl - yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking. You're either interested or you're not.
> 
> AFEH - LOL, I guess I thought women would give me a better perspective.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



They won't reveal their secrets!!!


Yeah - I can't WAIT to be single again...sounds like a whole lotta fun!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

while I agree this woman was playing games, at the same time you shouldn't be backtracking and giving her easy outs


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> while I agree this woman was playing games, at the same time you shouldn't be backtracking and giving her easy outs


I wouldn't waste my time. This chick's a drama llama. Plenty of others out there who aren't. Besides, dating co-workers is a very very bad idea.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Why you are in a Ladies Lounge asking about how to get a date is way beyond me.


Because he wanted something a little more substantive than thump your chest and drag her by her hair out for coffee.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I wouldn't waste my time. This chick's a drama llama. Plenty of others out there who aren't. Besides, dating co-workers is a very very bad idea.


true, but I'm saying for the benefit of future prospects. Asking someone out and then giving them "an out" is so weak and unattractive.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> true, but I'm saying for the benefit of future prospects. Asking someone out and then giving them "an out" is so weak and unattractive.


Oh, I agree. This chick isn't worth the time and effort though. Really? Three weekends for a cup of coffee? Come on. She's a tease. Nothing more and when she thinks you are backing off, that's when she comes on strong but has no intention of following through.
Drop her.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

But - look at the title of the thread again!

She's HOT!!!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> But - look at the title of the thread again!
> 
> She's HOT!!!


So's fire. Hotness isn't always good for you.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Jimmy Soul - If You Want To Be Happy - YouTube


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Because he wanted something a little more substantive than thump your chest and drag her by her hair out for coffee.


Well I’m sure you’ll teach him how to get in touch with his feminine side. Such that he’ll be a real loser.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So's fire. Hotness isn't always good for you.


Ever met a boy that didn't love building fires or playing with fireworks?

Or didn't love HOT CHICKS???

*Why is she playing with him like this?*

Forget what it means - or the advice - what is this "hot" woman's problem? Is she cruel, insecure, bored, stupid???


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Well I’m sure you’ll teach him how to get in touch with his feminine side. Such that he’ll be a real loser.


Ever read his posts? He's far from a loser and smart enough to ask women for advice.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

> true, but I'm saying for the benefit of future prospects. Asking someone out and then giving them "an out" is so weak and unattractive.


Ouch! Ok, so what should I have done? I dont see what other options I had, plus I'm sick of being her plaything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Every read his posts? He's far from a loser and smart enough to ask women for advice.


Hope you and NG are having fun! Sisters United!

Just maybe that's where Indy is more comfortable! With you two. Another Sister!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Indy Nial said:


> Ouch! Ok, so what should I have done? I dont see what other options I had, plus I'm sick of being her plaything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


well ending being a plaything is fine, but you need to exude more confidence in asking out women

IOW don't ask them out by saying "Let's go out sometime, but it's okay if you don't wanna" 

(now I know it didn't exactly go down like that but I'm using hyperbole to make my point)


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

AFEH said:


> Hope you and NG are having fun! Sisters United!
> 
> Just maybe that's where Indy is more comfortable! With you two. Another Sister!


Bob - I'm glad I've exchanged PMs with you enough to know that you aren't always this angry and bitter! Not sure whey you threw me under the bus on THIS ONE...but somehow I'll live...

I would just love have a better understanding of just what this woman is actually doing - as it sounds like she's insane.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> Ouch! Ok, so what should I have done? I dont see what other options I had, plus I'm sick of being her plaything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then don't be her plaything! Women like this LOVE knowing you are. They feed off of it and that's why she is stringing you along. She wants you to continue the chase. Don't.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Hope you and NG are having fun! Sisters United!
> 
> Just maybe that's where Indy is more comfortable! With you two. Another Sister!


Thought I would point out that you ARE in the Ladies Clubhouse tossing around and posting the word sister. Irony, meet Bob.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Bob - I'm glad I've exchanged PMs with you enough to know that you aren't always this angry and bitter! Not sure whey you threw me under the bus on THIS ONE...but somehow I'll live...
> 
> I would just love have a better understanding of just what this woman is actually doing - as it sounds like she's insane.


I gave up with you last week. Stay with the girls. You'll be fine.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

I'm confused, surely me saying forget the whole thing when given a dumb date in the future is being confident??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> I'm confused, surely me saying forget the whole thing when given a dumb date in the future is being confident??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To me that sounds *****y.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

B!tchy But go right ahead and ask the girly girls.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Assuming she was legitimately suddenly swamped, your response seemed almost... whiny? It's sounds like something my passive aggressive mother would say to make me feel sorry for her. Add in the next "just forget it" and I'm 98% positive you ARE my mother.

The "free in three weekends.I think" was definitely her blowing you off. You're coming off a little too needy along with seeming completely available, like she's the only woman you think about.*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> Assuming she was legitimately suddenly swamped, your response seemed almost... whiny? It's sounds like something my passive aggressive mother would say to make me feel sorry for her. Add in the next "just forget it" and I'm 98% positive you ARE my mother.
> 
> The "free in three weekends.I think" was definitely her blowing you off. You're coming off a little too needy along with seeming completely available, like she's the only woman you think about.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well said.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> Assuming she was legitimately suddenly swamped, your response seemed almost... whiny? It's sounds like something my passive aggressive mother would say to make me feel sorry for her. Add in the next "just forget it" and I'm 98% positive you ARE my mother.
> 
> The "free in three weekends.I think" was definitely her blowing you off. You're coming off a little too needy along with seeming completely available, like she's the only woman you think about.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup. Ask once. Get a not today but 2 days from now....cool. Ask multiple times and get a 3 weeks from now answer? Don't ever ask again and certainly don't respond with "just forget it". Ever.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

LOL, look I'm willing to admit I could have done things better but the "forget it" is being taken out of context. I just condensed it down. I asked her out, she said it was too short notice and suggested catching up next week. I did that and got the 3 weekends so promptly terminated the idea of us going out. I'm struggling to see how that is passive aggressive or pansy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

And can I just add that not one person has given their view on how I could have handled it differently. I can takecriticism but it has to be constructive or I'm no better off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> And can I just add that not one person has given their view on how I could have handled it differently. I can takecriticism but it has to be constructive or I'm no better off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did. But you have ears for women only. You either run with the women or you run with the men. You chose the women. As has NG.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

When she first suggested "next week" I think you should have played it cool and told her a couple days that worked for you (even if they all worked, you don't want to seem like you're willing to drop everything for her).

Assuming that you still arrived at the email chain, when she shot down a couple suggestions I think you should have responded with, "You seem really busy. Why don't you let me know when you're free and I'll see if it works with my schedule." This is the point where you could play the game a bit and be busy for the date she requests or accept it and hope it pans out.

If you're still hoping for a date I think the best course of action is to enjoy time with other office buddies and maintain your professional relationship with this woman. Don't show that her rejection has had an impact. If she asks you out in the future let her know a couple times that work for you. If she's still unable to work something out just say, "It looks like our schedules aren't going to let this happen. Bummer. Did you hear there are donuts in the break room?" Either one of your dates will suddenly work or she's doing this all to stroke her ego.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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