# Step-son trouble heart broken



## Reb13569 (Sep 23, 2013)

I have a very complex situation. I got married a little over a year ago. We had both been married before. My kids are grown but he was a late starter and he has a 14 year old son and a 10 year old son. The 14 year old son lives with us because he has custody. He's a very quite well mannered young man. The 10 year old lives with his ex. Shortly after we got married his ex-wife filed a false report with CPS stating we didn't give the 10 year old his medicine will he was having an asthma attack and made accusations of drugs and alcohol. Apparently unbenonce to me this is something she has a history of doing when she gets mad at someone. We went through all that and it was unfounded. It was at that point it was decoded that since I hold a medical license and issues such as this can make me loose my license that my husband would see his son outside of our home. In December I became very ill. I was put on chemo and 26 other medications. Here it is 9 month later and I'm finally able to leave my house without having to wear a mask. NO I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. What I have is a very unique set of auto-immune disorders. These disorders cause extreme pain, lose of vision for weeks, horrible headache. They are called flares. The main cause of flares is stress. Here comes the good part. The ex-wife is now homeless. She lied and her and the 10 year old are living in a battered women's shelter (she said her boyfriend beat her up). The 10 year old is not in school. He has been out of school for 2 weeks now. She will not tell us where the location of the shelter is dud to safety rules. My husband asked what she was gonna do as she only has 31 days there and her plan is to hop shelter to shelter. All this is very bad for the 10 year old but here's where it get hairy. He absolutely can not come live with us. The very sight of this boy literally makes me have a panic attack. He is rude, disobedient and for me the stress is to much. I can not afford to be back in the hospital. I love my husband and will not ask him to choose, I can't do that. The only thing I know to do is separate. His first responsibility is his child and mine is my health and I know him and he won't get his son and leave me so I'm gonna have to be the bad guy. I'm so lost any suggestion


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

OMG....I am so sorry for what you are enduring right now. I don't have a good answer...are there Grandparents or aunts/ uncles that could help out?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What does your husband say?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Does he have other family?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So you can deal with the stress of leaving this 10 year old homeless, you can deal with your husband's stress about his son's safety and health and well being, but can't deal with the stress of actually bringing this CHILD into your home?

Pathetic!

I'm trying to hold back but I've dealt with people like you so often. This boy is a CHILD, a child who has been alienated from his father and brother, lived with a crazy, neglectful mother...of course he has behavior issues!

You need to learn to deal with stress and focus on the important positive things in life. You need to step up an be the adult, the partner of this CHILD's father! You need to bring this CHILD into your home and set about getting the right amount of support. 

If you can't do the above, then you need to leave your husband and give him the freedom to do what is RIGHT by his CHILDREN!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I have to admit, Anon's right. YOU are the adult, and this child is homeless and parentless through no fault of his own. Actually, through the fault of 3 adults not being able to handle being adults.


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

I don't understand why the other posts have been so negative toward to you. This isn't a case where you are just annoyed by the child. You have had to deal with a serious illness. My mother had to deal with chemo recently, and it knocks you down hard. 

You have a debilitating illness that is worsened by extreme stress. This child has caused you extreme stress in the past and you are offering to leave your home so that your husband can take in his 10-year-old son. That sounds like a decent plan to me. It's not an ideal situation, for sure. Perhaps as you become healthier and/or the child's behavior and attitude towards you improves over time, the situation can be re-evaluated. 

I doubt it would work for you as a permanent solution. But I agree, that you do not need to quite literally kill yourself by causing a relapse in your illness to prove that you will put the child's needs first. I think the solution you have proposed is probably for the best if your husband is in agreement.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What's needed is a REAL conversation with her husband.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

There are medications that as an adult you can take for stress. As an adult you can learn to manage it, and it will be more manageable if you have the proper medications to calm down. It does sound like some kind of panic attack, and maybe it was legit in the past but it sounds like the kid's mom has shown her true colors now in not being able to cope with being a parent. I can't imagine being married to someone and being a spiritual part of them and not wanting to parent their child who is a part of them. It sounds like you want your husband to be stressed now too, which is what will happen. And in any case, if you are prone to anxiety-triggers, you will be anxious about the anxiety of thinking that your husband will choose you over his kid. There is no way out. If you are going to be anxious, and have attacks and all that, just get them by doing the right thing? Chances are any similar situation will cause the same kinds of attacks and illnesses in the future. Not just one isolated incident that can be avoided, but a learned way of reacting to all of life's little (and bigger) surprises. Trust me, almost died from anxiety...nope you can't die from a panic attack, but you can from the effects of not dealing with them head on. You can always run, but there is nowhere to hide.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you feel that you cannot handle the situation with his child, then either you two divorce or you live in separate places. Maybe you could help his with the older child some.

But yea, you are going to have to be the one who does this


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