# Always a cheater



## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Hi this is my problem I've been with this girl for about 4years , she has a kid I raised as my own since age 1, at the beginning of dating it was good but not really we always had problems about respect , her situation was she always screamed at me called me names and put me down calling me stupid and so on , we had lots of issues and fights to the point I would just keep quite and there were times she would go on to hit me because I kept quite, I started looking Craig'slist adds and sent messages with no response go figure the ones that did wanted money, she got pregnant and I was actually happy about it me having a baby, we had a miss Carriage, then one day she found those messages I was sending religiously for years trying to meet someone off craigslist we had fights , again it was not pretty but then she forgave me, and after a while i did it again and she found out , twice and a third time, after that she decided to use tinder and found guys and dated them behind my back to the point of having sex with one of them, at this point of the relationship I knew something was wrong we confronted each other at New Years it was not pretty it looked like a fought a raccoon ,I got fed up and said that's it for her I was not gonna take it and left her , well it happened we talked again we promised each other to communicate better she letting me be who I was and to listen to me and treat me with respect, but it didn't feel right I would try to touch her kiss her and she would put her cheek instead I've been feeling her rejection to the point of thinking she has someone else,she goes to nursing school and is hard on her, well didn't work every time there was something going on and I tried to help she would go back to the same thing and this time I tried to talk to her she would push me away telling me I don't want to fight and that would be the end of it, we haven't kissed sex is not the same and she sleeps on one end of the bed and I do at the other , to make things worse I tried to contact someone again off craigslist she found out and now is even worse , I feel as I am the worse men ever , never in my life I thought I would be in this position at this point we said its over, I love her but I think is the best not to be with each other but I love her, and in her eyes all she sees is me being a cheater. I know there's no excuse to it. I haven't been happy in this relationship but couple of times and I bet she hasn't either. I don't have friends anymore due to them seeing how she treats me and so on can't talk to nobody about it either and this is my last option, I feel like I want to kill myself.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are not monogamous. Stay single or find a woman you can have an open relationship with. But marriage or exclusive relationships are jus not for you. Let this lady go, accept your lifestyle choice and move on to a woman who will accommodate your need for multiple partners.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

You are toxic for each other, you both cheated and you still continue to hook up with other people. 

The best thing for you both is to move on.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Edgardoardon said:


> then one day she found those messages I was sending religiously for years trying to meet someone off craigslist .


How do you send a message religiously?

"Dear God, I hope to get in your pants.."


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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Religiously as I always asked if I they real everyday at every hour, yes it could be that I'm not monogamous , but I always wanted a family and looked up to the perfect family kinda like home improvement I'm not perfect but neither is she, I always felt inferior and my ego was and is always been on the ground when she tells me things specially when I try to talk to her and I get I don't want to fight and so on. I'm not trying to make excuses but I know I've been feeling it from the beginning this is a toxic relationship. I just need to vent and know what people think. Or if anyone has ever been on this position before.


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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

By the way we are not married


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Edgardoardon said:


> Religiously as I always asked if I they real everyday at every hour


If you always asked if I they real everyday at every hour that's consistently or obsessively not religiously.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Edgardoardon said:


> By the way we are not married


Please don't get married. 
You can't have the "perfect married family life" if you're not able to commit to any monogamous relationship. 
No marriage is perfect anyway, we are all flawed as humans & have to work at it. 
Work on yourself first, find out who you are & what you need from any relationship before entering married life. 


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> Work on yourself first, find out who you are & what you need from any relationship before entering married life.


And there you have it folks. The secret to eternal happiness.

Who knew it could be so easy?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@Mclane it's not a easy thing to do.
But it does help & yes does provide some happiness.
Be surprised how many people don't know themselves & don't know what they want in life or a partner.
It's a first world epidemic & caused by capitalism. 

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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> @Mclane it's not a easy thing to do.


I know it's not easy. I doubt there's many who can reach that level of achievement in their lives.

I wasn't being sarcastic so much as being in reluctant agreement.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Edgar, did I read correctly? Did you say that you _tried_ to talk to these women, but there were no "bites"... but your girlfriend actually *did* go out and had sex with at least one other man?

While I agree it was wrong to look for side action, I understand why you did it. It doesn't change the fact that you *shouldn't* have done it, though. And I think you recognize that. 

This relationship has been toxic from the start. But you stuck with her. I think it was because you love her kid, actually. While commendable, it isn't a good reason to stay in a toxic relationship... nor reason to return to it. 

Do yourself, her, and the kid a favor. End the relationship. If you want to remain in contact with the kid, and if she is agreeable to it, then be there for her child, since you are the only dad (?) he or she had really known. 

Please, don't harm yourself. I'm not going to say you aren't cut out for monogamy. I will only say you should not be with *this* woman. I think you can definitely be redeemed. But first, you need to get out of this relationship. 


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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Well like I said I felt like she didn't care at all she acted that way when she was cheating on me and I knew there was something wrong, it was the same way she said it was all stress from school, either way ,she is moving out, she asked me to pay for the car and phone still and give some stuff to her. Should I still pay for everything? I mean With me she didn't have to pay for anything and even gave her a credit card.


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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Yeah she gave me the kid card that I needed to be around for her. But I feel I shouldn't unless she needs me. Her blood dad still around and takes her once in a while why do I need to do that I'm nothing anymore that's how I feel. I mean I payed for everything and even was her lil soccer team coach I've done so much and still was not enough.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You really aren't obligated to pay for her car... unless your name is on it, that is. And I hope she will no longer have the credit card. As for giving her things, that's up to you. 

But what bothers me most is in your initial post, you stated that she was calling you stupid, among other things, almost from the beginning of the relationship. That isn't healthy, Edgar. It's toxic. And now, you said you have felt like killing yourself. And that worries me more than whether or not you are meant to be in a monogamous relationship. It worries me more than whether or not you cheated.

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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Well it feels as I'm always gonna be a cheater i feel useless I feel as if nothing I did for her was good and me doing that trying to find something else outside proof I am a horrible person. Everything is under my name all she had to worry was about school , when she cheated she acted the same way shes been acting lately, she said she has been under so much stress from school and that I'm just finding excuses to everything, but then I'm thinking how she found time to have sex last time? Am I worthless ? As to what I did ? Trying to cheat? Like everyone says? is it really once a cheater always a cheater? I don't want to be that way my intentions were never to leave her because I love her but it's been hard on my feelings. And now it feels worse


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Edgardoardon said:


> Yeah she gave me the kid card that I needed to be around for her. But I feel I shouldn't unless she needs me. Her blood dad still around and takes her once in a while why do I need to do that I'm nothing anymore that's how I feel. I mean I payed for everything and even was her lil soccer team coach I've done so much and still was not enough.


So, the child is a girl? I am just wanting to be sure I use the right pronoun, that's why I ask. 

Ok, so bio dad is in the picture. But does the little one call you "daddy", as well? It's a tough call, IMO. On one hand, I understand severing all ties. On the other hand, I understand staying in contact for a little one who sees you as daddy. 

So, I can't really advise you on that. I just know the little boy I babysit (and his sister) has bio dad out of state and mama's live in boyfriend is "daddy" to him. Bio dad pays child support, and takes them for summer break, sometimes. But the boyfriend is daddy to them. So, tough call. 

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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Yeah that's what worries me too about the kid but even she has seen how we had arguments and where she sees her mom screaming at me a one time she stepped on and said no mommy daddy loves you I mean it's hard like I said am I really a monster for trying to cheat?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Mclane said:


> I know it's not easy. I doubt there's many who can reach that level of achievement in their lives.
> 
> I wasn't being sarcastic so much as being in reluctant agreement.


Dude, you have to change your avatar. It's giving me seizures.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Edgar, 
You are being verbally & financially abused by this relationship.
The cheating happens because both of you are looking to escape this toxic relationship.
You need to figure out a plan on how to get independent.
Can you move out & get possible visitation with your little girl?

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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

She is moving out she is gonna use her school loans


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

This is a good thing.
It will be hard for you for a while, you'll probably miss her but don't get back together. 
Focus on getting yourself better & working on your self-esteem. 
Toxic relationships makes us question everything about ourselves, looks, personality & worth. 
Understand that you are a good, kind man & have been there for a little girl who will no doubt need you in the future. 



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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Should I tell her to move now? Should I stop paying for her things? I don't know what to do some say I'm stupid for still doing it when it's over.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Maybe give a time line to get things in order so she's no longer financially dependent on you? The car... help find her a less expensive car, maybe? I don't think you should pay for her things, but I understand not leaving her destitute either. So... idk.

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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Unless your name is on a loan or something of that nature, then no, don't pay for anything. You tried to cheat (lousy luck, huh?) and she actually did. You can beat yourself up, but I wouldn't. She's already done that enough. If her car is in your name, sell it. Her good times are over.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@Edgardoardon has she been violent towards you recently?
You said in your post she has hit you in the past, how are things now?
Is this still happening? 

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## Edgardoardon (May 14, 2016)

Not anymore


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya...she is still hitting you...it's just not physical.

I hope you stopped the credit card?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@Edgardoardon How are things going for you today?
Are you feeling better? 


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I would encourage you to step away from this relationship.

Get some help so that you can start looking inward. Why did you accept a relationship, at the beginning, that was emotionally and physically abusive?

What are some things that you need to work on to become healthy; to set healthy boundaries; and allow yourself to connect to others in a way that nurturing and loving.

Looking for another person on Craigslist (or wherever) is just a symptoms of you attempting to numb your unhappiness....without dealing with it.


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## Bitteratwomen (Jun 21, 2014)

Do not pay for the things that she needs. She is an adult with a child and she should be able to provide for herself and her child. And it may be hard, but dont hold yourself financially responsible for her child. That's the responsibility of the bio parents. Get away from that woman fast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> Please don't get married.
> You can't have the "perfect married family life" if you're not able to commit to any monogamous relationship.
> No marriage is perfect anyway, we are all flawed as humans & have to work at it.
> Work on yourself first, find out who you are & what you need from any relationship before entering married life.
> ...


And choose a non-violent one next time. That's always a good place to start.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Oh my goodness, seriously? What are you looking for? Helpful advise that will make it possible for you and your girlfriend to get along? STOP cheating and looking for other women.....why is that not a no-brainer??? She was angry and hurt and yelling because you were preoccupied with interests in other women, wow, why would you not think she would get upset? Was she just supposed to accept this and be fine with it? Do yourself and your girlfriend a big favor and leave, leave the child out of this huge mess. I hope for her sake and the sake of her child that she will get counseling so that she will never find another cheater that will lead her down the same road. As for you, ask yourself if you can ever really commit to a relationship and if not, stay single and detached...otherwise you are going to go thru this time after time and still be clueless why women get upset with you and become detached.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Edgardoardon said:


> Yeah that's what worries me too about the kid but even she has seen how we had arguments and where she sees her mom screaming at me a one time she stepped on and said no mommy daddy loves you I mean it's hard like I said am I really a monster for trying to cheat?


No you are not a monster. You have, however, acted like a damn fool, but then that is the right of every man and woman punch drunk on so many hits to the psyche from the one darn person who you are supposed to be able to trust.

You are not a natural cheater. You were using CL as a way to insulate yourself from your woman's bad behaviour.

You need counselling to help you get beyond her bad behaviour.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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