# Ok, why exactly is he not speaking to ME??



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Stbx just came to pick up the girls for a movie, I am sitting here and he doesn't look at me or even greet me. REALLY? I mean am I the one that f---d someone behind his back for 1.5 years? (oh no wait, that would be him), Am I the one who refused an offer of reconciliation and marriage counseling? (oh wait, again him), Oh, gosh I guess maybe cutting off my money to him and filing for divorce pissed him off... but gosh, he wanted out right? Tell me again why he is not speaking to ME? WTF?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I've been there too. But, wait--the same scenario but he had plenty to say to me. Count your blessings that he isn't speaking to you! My guess would be that he is giving you the silent treatment because you stopped the "cake eating". A wayward spouse never seems to like that.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

827Aug said:


> I've been there too. But, wait--the same scenario but he had plenty to say to me. Count your blessings that he isn't speaking to you! My guess would be that he is giving you the silent treatment because you stopped the "cake eating". A wayward spouse never seems to like that.


The nerve of me huh?? :scratchhead:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Count your blessings. 

I'm glad he's upset about it.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Count your blessings.
> 
> I'm glad he's upset about it.


And you know what?? 2x I asked him to talk, he declined saying he needed 'space'... I have given him EVERY opportunity to fix his F--up, but NOPE-- oh and he was all 'this doesn't have to be ugly, I'll help you any way I can with the kids or the condo, just tell me what I can do' until I did the big 180 (including closing the checking account-- he didn't put money in it anyway it was ALL my paycheck). Really unbelievable, so either he didn't mean it and it was an act to keep me from not cutting him off, or he truly believed I was going to wait around for him while he ate cake.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Count your blessings.
> 
> I'm glad he's upset about it.


I know, but why is he upset... he made it clear he wanted out, he chose her and that our marriage was 'unfixable'-- he refused to talk to me saying he needed space... what did he WANT me to do exactly?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he really doesn't know what he wants. He thinks he's in control of this-- calling the shots-- and you surprised him. It's no longer his game.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Because he really doesn't know what he wants. He thinks he's in control of this-- calling the shots-- and you surprised him. It's no longer his game.


Unwise of him to underestimate me to that degree. My girls ALL said they understood why I filed and they respected me for it.

So maybe he realized he just finally killed his option of having me and his family back?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lisa. his behavior is pretty typical, actually. You basically told him to kiss your a$$ when you filed and had him served. Good. 
He knows you aren't playing games anymore. 

So he's being passive-agressive and not talking to you. Consider it a blessing. Cause I've a feeling if he would have said anything to you, you just might have punched him in the face.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> And you know what?? 2x I asked him to talk, he declined saying he needed 'space'... I have given him EVERY opportunity to fix his F--up, but NOPE-- oh and he was all 'this doesn't have to be ugly, I'll help you any way I can with the kids or the condo, just tell me what I can do' until I did the big 180 (including closing the checking account-- he didn't put money in it anyway it was ALL my paycheck). Really unbelievable, so either he didn't mean it and it was an act to keep me from not cutting him off, or he truly believed I was going to wait around for him while he ate cake.


Lisa, you do not ask folks like this to talk. You 180 them.


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## ThinhMan (Oct 14, 2011)

Normal for folks like this indeed. My stbxw is the same, don't look at me, don't talk to me. But I can see deep down in her eyes she is feeling the pain.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Arnold said:


> Lisa, you do not ask folks like this to talk. You 180 them.


And after his refusal, I started the 180 right away, in less than a week, he is all pissed off and such.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Keep it up. Hang in there.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Lisa, so sorry you have to go thru this. My XW is the poster queen for passive agressiveness. She had the affair after 30 years of marriage with a good friend of mine. All was good until I told her not to contact me anymore (she was cake eating) now she will not say 3 words to me even during an hour meeting for her to pick up her stuff. Actually this is a gift, by not talking less for you to digest later. Just realize that they are feeling it, they may not want to admit it, but they are. Let them keep it bottled up, eat up their insides. Stay strong, dont let them see you sweat. somebody wrote "the opposite of love is not hate but indifference" AMEN!


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