# My H's mother puts him down



## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

Rather than ask for advice, I thought I would relate my experience so that others who run into this situation may benefit.

My H and I are planning a commitment ceremony for the benefit of our families, since we eloped several months ago. I went to visit his mother for the weekend, so we could plan the food, the entertainment, etc, and she is a very smart, funny woman with a very strange way of talking about her H (my H's father) and her son.

She complained about both of their tendencies to drag their feet (what my H calls taking his time and carefully considering his actions), their dim wits (not very talkative, either of them) and their lack of adventurous spirits (just plain wrong on that one - her H was in the Air Force, mine was in a band). Every time there was a break in her stream of talk, I sensed that she was waiting for me to chime in with a complaint of my own. I knew that was a bad idea.

Instead, I just filled the space with phrases like "Good thing I have some flaws too!" "But we love them anyway." "I'd get bored if he were perfect." I tried to stay away from saying anything that would imply I thought she was wrong, just tried to gently steer the conversation away from criticizing the ones who are supposed to be closest to us!


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