# I was charged with Battery



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Before I tell you what happened, please don't judge me. I need to talk to someone about what is going on. 


My wife and I are separated, She came over to pick up our son as we have been doing 50/50 custody since the seperation a year ago. We were talking about finances and to make a long story short she had tried to take some mail off the counter (she does not live here) that had both our names on it. We got into a tug of war match. I would say we both acted like 2 year old kids and made the situation much worse. We were in the garage struggling over this mail and we both fell. While on the ground we were still both tugging at this mail. So stupid so stupid so stupid. I'm so pissed I let a situation get the best of me. 

Her head hit the floor at some point and so did mine. She had a huge welp on her dead. I had one too but didn't notice right away but we calmed down and talked. She stayed here for an hour after this happened. We went over our childs homework and things were calm as they could be considering. Her friend came over to look at her head. Her and her friend came inside and I let her friend use the bathroom and my wife and I gathered my childs school stuff. I walked my child to the car and put him in and kissed him by. The wife and friend were still in the house so I went back in to see what they were doing and her friend was texting her something and I got a bad feeling .
So they left and went back to my wifes parents (where she is staying) and next thing I know the police are in the driveway asking me questions. I told them my story and she told them I intentionally bashed her head on the ground. So of course I get arrested. I asked the officer to take a picture of the lump on my head and he wouldn't. He did mention it in the police report. I have never been in trouble in my life except for some speeding tickets. Not even when I was in school so I was traumatized by the whole ordeal. I could not believe what was happening. 

I spent the night in jail and had to wait till 4pm to see the judge so I could get out. I was released but can not contact her or I go back to jail. I talked to her father the night I got back. He told me she had filed a restraining order with the court and I was going to be served today. That didn't happen so far. Of course he is pissed at me but we did have a good conversation and he asked me not to call him back which I have obliged. The restraing order he was reading me says I can't contact her or my child. That is the hard part. I have not been served so the restraining order is not official until I get it. But my bond has restrictions so I think its best to let things settle down?

I am so worried about my son. He is a daddies boy and is with me so much. I have always been #1 to him. And what makes me mad is this is only hurting him if he doesn't see me. Obviously my wife is using this as a power play in the divorce and custody. I told her dad that I wanted to sign the divorce papers and be done with this. But now wife is pissed and saying no to that. Im hoping once the dust settles she will come to her senses and do what is best for our child. She really wants this divorce over with. I was the one who hung on to something that was not there. She had papers drawn up once and I didn't want to sign them because I was not happy with some of the things. In hindsight I should of. 

Of course now I want to be done. I cant fight this anymore. I have no fight in me. The restraining order that I have not received had an OCT 2nd court date for a hearing. I told my lawyer about it to get prepared. But I have to find some way to make it through the next 2 weeks alone without my child who I have only been a few days at most without his whole life. I just sit here and mope. Can't sleep. Can't eat. I know what people say to do.....eat, get sleep, stay busy and try not to think about it. Its so easy to say that when its not you in the situation.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

Assuming you're telling this the way it actually happened.....you're the man so you're likely screwed. I hate it when women pull this stunt. Willing to screw a guy over forever just because she can and knows the law will automatically side with her.

Again, assuming this went down just as you say it did.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yes. The law does favor the woman. I gathered that right away. I was guilty before they even talked to me. I feel so horrible for not defusing the situation. But I can't do anything about that now. Life lessons. Too bad the kids are the one who suffer the most in all of this.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You have been charged. You haven't been found guilty. Big difference and there are a couple things in your favor: You have no prior arrests and you also have documented injuries yourself. The easiest way for you to put some flies in this buttermilk is for you to contact your wife or otherwise violate the restraining order. As much as you would like to visit your child, talk to your wife, fix this business, don't violate the order. I wouldn't wait to be served. I would go get it and obey it like God had handed it down from Sinai. You don't want a domestic violence conviction on your sheet. Get one, and you can never possess a firearm. Might not be a big problem for you today but you might want a job that requires one someday. Any conviction for a violent offense can screw you up with some employers. When you were booked, you should have had a mug shot. Does your injury appear in that photo or do you have other photos of your head injury? Anyway, don't freak out. You aren't losing your kid. Violating the RO or looking like you are tampering with a prosecution witness (talking to your wife or sending messages to her through a friend or her father) could screw you up but good. The judge could revoke your bail and send you to the slam to chill until this DV business comes to court. That might take a while and you probably need to be at work. Witness tampering also looks like something a guilty person does and in my state it's a felony. A battery is a misdemeanor and from what you describe, they don't have much of a case. Don't give up, don't make any contact, any statements, or any deals without your lawyer.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks unbelievable. It is a misdemeanor. I took my wifes phone number out of my phone to be safe of butt dials. Ugh. I miss my kid. It hurts. I am planning on working 12 hour days the next few weeks to keep my mind iff things.....and yes I am not contacting her or anyone she knows. My lawyer made that very clear to me. I just hope when we get to this hearing that emotions will be settled down. And we can finally for once be on the same page and end the madness


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

And yes the my bump is on my mug shot. I took a picture of the scratches on my arm when I got home. May not hold much weight but I could not do anything at jail. I did see the dr. There 2 times so they could look at it and give me meds. I felt like I had a concussion....dizzy. throwing up etc.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The cops and the courts are used to DV charges being lobbed by divorcing couples. We realize both parties have motivation to be less than 100% truthful when property settlements, child custody, and just plain emotions are involved. For what it's worth, I'd stay clear of other women while this thing is cooking, too. The prosecution's case is almost 100% dependent on your wife's testimony. There's no benefit in needlessly pissing her off with another woman at this particular stage of your life. Make yourself look as presentable, respectable, and desirable to your wife as you can. If you're drinking, stop. If you aren't, don't start. Drunks do and say stupid things. Depressed drunks do very stupid things. As bad as you're hurting, you need to remain consistently smart and sober.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



unbelievable said:


> The cops and the courts are used to DV charges being lobbed by divorcing couples. We realize both parties have motivation to be less than 100% truthful when property settlements, child custody, and just plain emotions are involved. For what it's worth, I'd stay clear of other women while this thing is cooking, too. The prosecution's case is almost 100% dependent on your wife's testimony. There's no benefit in needlessly pissing her off with another woman at this particular stage of your life. Make yourself look as presentable, respectable, and desirable to your wife as you can. If you're drinking, stop. If you aren't, don't start. Drunks do and say stupid things. Depressed drunks do very stupid things. As bad as you're hurting, you need to remain consistently smart and sober.


Yes. I am already doing that. I drank. Not much but I am using this time alone to get my **** together. No drinking. ..no smoking. ...no nothing. ..go to work and come home. I know too well about drinking as me and the stbx would drink a few beers while discussing our divorce. Always ended bad.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Stay positive. You got this.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should be taking to your lawyer about this stunt that she has pulled.

New lesson here, her friend that came over - from now recognize her for the long scum she is. Refuse her entry to your home. She no doubt encouraged your wife to lie like she did.

Are your locks changed? If not do so this weekend! Keep your wife out.

Next get your lawyer on the job dealing with her lies.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw can you her changed with assaulting you in your in home?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have documented your injuries well. I'm wondering ... maybe you need a good criminal attorney. Your wife came into your house and tried to take your mail. 

Her name was on the mail as well as yours. Is this the address that she used to live at? Or is this a new address that is only yours. That point can be important.

ETA: 
Ask a criminal lawyer about you bringing charges of assault and attempted theft at your home.

If you cannot get your charges dropped at least get equal charges against her.

A criminal lawyer can tell you if this tactic would work.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Takes two to tango. Seems to me if they put you in jail they should have put her in jail also. 
The way to counter this is to file a restraining order against her-yeah no bull -then you will have dualing restraining orders in front of the judge -then your ex will pipe down. I had this happen in my case.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

The locks have been changed for a while. Her name is on the mortgage.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why not go to IC, it can help you cope and it may help your lawyer prove emitional distress. But I'd check first with your lawyer don't want your soon to be ex use it as a he's crazy ammunition. And yes is check with a criminal attorney I know it's going hit your wallet, but this is something you cannot afford to have on your record and be labeled as a wife beater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

My divorce lawyer does criminal too. Hes familiar with our divorce and everything that has gone on in the past. I emailed him my version of the events and he is going to call me back on Monday to talk more


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Not sure how things work in your area, but my judge generally does not issue retaliatory arrest warrants. I wouldn't suggest even trying to file one. If you had felt assaulted by your wife, you should have called 911 before she did. If you tried to swear out a warrant for her today, it would look like a pissed off (and probably guilty) guy trying to get back at his wife. You want to avoid even the appearance of being angry at your wife. Avoid looking like a bully or looking sneaky or unreasonable. You don't want to build her case for her. You both will be in front of a judge. If she instigated this mess or was a co-combatant, that's what it'll look like in court.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



unbelievable said:


> Not sure how things work in your area, but my judge generally does not issue retaliatory arrest warrants. I wouldn't suggest even trying to file one. If you had felt assaulted by your wife, you should have called 911 before she did. If you tried to swear out a warrant for her today, it would look like a pissed off (and probably guilty) guy trying to get back at his wife. You want to avoid even the appearance of being angry at your wife. Avoid looking like a bully or looking sneaky or unreasonable. You don't want to build her case for her. You both will be in front of a judge. If she instigated this mess or was a co-combatant, that's what it'll look like in court.


Thanks. That is how I feel. My lump was documemted on the police report. And honestly I did not feel threatened so I would be lying and saying something against what is written in the police report. Changing stories after the fact will look bad


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I worry about my child. I know he is in good hands. And I know he knows what happened and where I went that night. Just wish I could tell him im okay. I have always been #1 to him and did most of the mommy stuff since he was born. Wife was working all the time. We have always agreed on 50/50 custody. She is with him more now than when we were married. My parents saw my son yesterday and my dad said he looked happy and was acting fine. Made me feel a little better.......my in laws and 3x took my son to see my mom as she is about to die. I have got way too much on my plate right now. Cant eat. Cant sleep. Ugh


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Well one thing is certain - I think your stbxw has now earned a permanent ban from stepping foot inside your home. She can come to the front door, but not inside.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yeah after this mess is over she won't step foot in this home or any home I am living in. I still have not been served restraining order papers.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You can eat and you need to figure out how to sleep. You are in a bad place but you can't be sharp and do what needs to be done if you're fatigued. You are in a temporary bad place. Your child will be a feature of your life until you die and right now, your child needs you to suck this up and get tough. Making yourself eat and sleep will feel unnatural but that's what you have to do. See a doc if you have to. Becoming sick or psychotic won't help your son.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



unbelievable said:


> You can eat and you need to figure out how to sleep. You are in a bad place but you can't be sharp and do what needs to be done if you're fatigued. You are in a temporary bad place. Your child will be a feature of your life until you die and right now, your child needs you to suck this up and get tough. Making yourself eat and sleep will feel unnatural but that's what you have to do. See a doc if you have to. Becoming sick or psychotic won't help your son.


I know. Bad thing is I am a worrier by nature it seems. I remember not eating for days when my first filed. In the past I have always gotten to the point where I would eat. Where you work do they serve restraining orders on the weekend? I am planning on going and getting it at the court on Monday. I am obiding by it now even though I dont have it. Maybe there isnt one. Regardless I cant contact her. My biggest concern about this hearing is I have a charge of battery over my head. I just want to see my kid half the time like before.....dont care about talking to her etc if judge grants it to her. I dont see how he wont grant it considering the charge. But who knows. ..judges and police deal with this every day so


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Well one thing is certain - I think your stbxw has now earned a permanent ban from stepping foot inside your home. She can come to the front door, but not inside.


Actually, she can sit in her car in the driveway.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

That is how kid exchanges will be done in the future. The other person stays in the car. Hopefully at one point we can at least communicate to each other about our child in a healthy, business like manner. My suggestion would be through email only as that is documented just in case.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> That is how kid exchanges will be done in the future. The other person stays in the car. Hopefully at one point we can at least communicate to each other about our child in a healthy, business like manner. My suggestion would be through email only as that is documented just in case.


I had my attorney actually write this up in the divorce agreement.

The person picking up our son stayed in their car and our son walked to the car.

All communications, except emergencies, had to be done via email and/or letter.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yeah. That is probably best for us. Makes things less stressful for everyone I think.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What a shame as it seems that the two of you were able to co-parent at least before this. 

A saying that I've heard about divorce is to love your children more than you hate your ex. Something apparently your wife has not contemplated.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> What a shame as it seems that the two of you were able to co-parent at least before this.
> 
> A saying that I've heard about divorce is to love your children more than you hate your ex. Something apparently your wife has not contemplated.


Yes. And I am guilty of that too at times.... I accept my half of our marriage and communication problems. This may sound crazy that I say this but she is a good person....and so am I. But there is something that is just toxic when we are together. I have been through all the drama of a divorce from pleading with her in the beginning. ......doing the 180.....and resenting her for not trying. Def been a roller coaster. But I have no fight in me. Life is too short and my son is all I want to focus on. I still keep going over our incident in my head. It makes me cringe the way we acted. Even worse that I did not do my part to defuse the situation. Ugh


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I wonder why I tried to hold onto my.marriage. she gave me nothing. I was always last and never a priority. Maybe the fear of change was too much. It still is at times. Like I would rather be in a unhappy marriage than go throuh all this. Then there is the part where I had a fairy tale vision in my head of what things could be. I focused on that so much. Unfortunately my fairy tale vision needed two willing participants.....im tryimg to focus on reality now. This incident makes that a lot easier.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that many of us do not give up easily on marriage. It really does mean something to us. So we keep fighting until it becomes clear that there is nothing left to fight for. We have to know that we tried everything.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Money is tight. I was planning on taking a loan out in my 401k to help. My lawyer said there is a court order against that without permission from the court. Hopefully I can get that though. Im stressed to the max. This incident, my mother is in hospice and is going to pass away any day, finances, can't see my kid. I think I am at rock bottom. At least I hope so.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When my first wife and I ended our marriage, she moved out. I stayed at the house. She used to go in the house when I was at work and take things. I told her that when I wasn't there not to go in and she makes the claim that it is still her house. 

At night she would park at the top of the driveway and use binoculars to see if I had anyone in the house. One night around 2AM, I woke up and I could see a light on in the kitchen and smelled coffee. I got up, went in the kitchen and she's sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee. I told her to get out and she goes on about how it's still her house and she has the right. I took the coffee from her and told her that she didn't have the right to my coffee and finally got her to leave. 

After she left, I noticed that my mail that was on the table was gone and she took it. I called her and told her to return it and she said that her name was on the mail and she's entitled to it. (same last name)

I took her to the magistrate and told him what happened and he asked her if she still lives there. She said no but her name is on the mortgage so the house is half hers.

He asked her for her mailing address and she told him. He then told her that since she no longer lives there that she is not entitled to not only be there without my permission but she stole mail which is a federal offense. He told her that financially, the house is still hers but she no longer lives there. 

Point is. If she's getting her mail at her parents house, then the mail at your house is yours and yours only. She isn't allowed to take it. Please check with your lawyer about this.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yes I told my lawyer. This mail had her name on it and mine but its my house. Mine did the same crap about claiming it was her house. I eneded up changing the locks. One day I called into.work sick and was home. She came by but didnt know I was there. She tried to get into the back door with a credit card. Then the front door. Then the back door again. Well I was recording the whole incident. When she left I sent her a text saying "the neighbors said you were just at the house". She denied it over and over. Then I sent her a screen shot of the video. Lol. Anyways I have the videos and so does my lawyer. Im thinking it may help me with atleast showing a history of her behavior.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Also one time before this incident she asked if she could come over and look for her birth certificate. This was before the locks were changed. I said she could after our son went to bed at 9. Well at 10 I call her and she says she can't come by and I said just stop by in the morning. An hour later she calls and says she is coming. I said no as I was in bed. She said im coming anyways, its my house still. I get out of bed to let the dog out and open the door and she is walking through the back yard. I shut the door and locked it. She had a key so I had to put my foot on door to keep her from coming in. She then went to the front door. Same thing. Then she says she is going to call my parents, holds phone up so I can see there number. I tell her to go ahead. What are my parents going to do? Put me in timeout??? Then holds phone up with 911 on screen. Well she was trying to scare me but she called by accident and hung up. They called back and she gave them the address and got in her car and left. Police show up and I tell them what happened. Since we were married and her name was on the house they couldn't do anything. They said she had a right to come there but something within reason. I wonder if the police had to write a report for that??? Anyways, I changed the locks the next day.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I could never figure out why most attorneys don't file with the court for legal separation right away, that way your bills become yours and hers become hers and you can avoid having your credit destroyed and so on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Yes I told my lawyer. This mail had her name on it and mine but its my house. Mine did the same crap about claiming it was her house. I eneded up changing the locks. One day I called into.work sick and was home. She came by but didnt know I was there. She tried to get into the back door with a credit card. Then the front door. Then the back door again. Well I was recording the whole incident. When she left I sent her a text saying "the neighbors said you were just at the house". She denied it over and over. Then I sent her a screen shot of the video. Lol. Anyways I have the videos and so does my lawyer. Im thinking it may help me with atleast showing a history of her behavior.


Can you see the credit card she's using to try to break in on the video? I hope that will help you in your hearing to show that she has been harassing you. Not cool of her at all.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



gulfwarvet said:


> I could never figure out why most attorneys don't file with the court for legal separation right away, that way your bills become yours and hers become hers and you can avoid having your credit destroyed and so on.


We did file for legal seperation. In Ga there really is no such thing. You file with the court that you are no longer living together and having sex. Our bills have beem seperate since before the separation. 






EleGirl said:


> Can you see the credit card she's using to try to break in on the video? I hope that will help you in your hearing to show that she has been harassing you. Not cool of her at all.


No why? Im not sure it could of been her drivers license.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I am not a lawyer.

Talk to your lawyer about all the implications of pleading guilty or no-contest, if that is something you are considering. You can be permanently stripped of some rights if you have a conviction on your record.

Carry a VAR with you, and record all your phone conversations if legal in your state when you do have contact with your stbxw.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yeah. Not sure when court is for this charge. But before that we have to go to a hearing in restraining order. That is my main focus because I can not see my kid. Breaks.my heart for him. I know this is hard on him. He always wanted to be with me and it made mommy mad. She says I brain washed him. Ugh.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> We did file for legal seperation. In Ga there really is no such thing. You file with the court that you are no longer living together and having sex. Our bills have beem seperate since before the separation.


So it's been established that the house you live in is not her legal residence any more... even if she might be part owner of the house. This is good.






MSC71 said:


> No why? Im not sure it could of been her drivers license.


I'm just wondering how clear it is to someone else that the video shows her trying to break into the house.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

No!! You do not want a domestic it eliminates you from too many jobs, try to purchase a gun? Go hunting? It is on your record.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> So it's been established that the house you live in is not her legal residence any more... even if she might be part owner of the house. This is good.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



its clear. I was standing on other side of door. Blinds were shut but you can hear her trying to pick lock. When she walked away from back door I have a clear shot of her. Same with front door. Then it shows her car backing down the driveway.






gulfwarvet said:


> No!! You do not want a domestic it eliminates you from too many jobs, try to purchase a gun? Go hunting? It is on your record.


No I don't. My lawyer will discuss with me on how to handle the charge. I will do anything in my power to get it dropped.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I talked to my wife today. We were at my parents visiting my mom and she showed up with lasagna (mom is dieing). She came to front door and I opened it and let her in. Then I took a picture of her when she was not looking. I asked her if we could talk for a sec and we walked outside. She said she did not press charges and her friend called cops. She started crying when I told her about jail.....I told her its time to end all the.b.s. and get this divorce done. She said I can't see my child because she is worried I am unstable with all i am dealing with. I had 2 bite my tongue. I told her I am drawing up the papers and sending them to her lawyer. I asked her to just sign them so we can move on. She replied that she is letting her lawyer handle it now. Then she started getting upset and said she was not ready to talk about this and I said okay and said bye.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Most restraining order are two way. Not only are you not allowed to be around her, she is not allowed to be around you. She broke the restraining order. 

She is obviously not afraid of you. 

Make sure that you tell your attorney about this visit. Do you think she knew that you were there and that bringing the food over was an excuse to run into you?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Most retraining order are two way. Not only are you not allowed to be around her, she is not allowed to be around you. She broke the restraining order.
> 
> She is obviously not afraid of you.
> 
> Make sure that you tell your attorney about this visit. Do you think she knew that you were there and that bringing the food over was an excuse to run into you?


She may of kmew. Dont know. She sent a text to my moms caregiver saying she was.coming. the caregiver text.my sister she was coming. I was sitting beside my sister and she showed me the text. I was getting up because I was going to leave but she pulled up right after. I still have not been served but I am going to the court house tomorrow to get it. For all I know there may not be one. But I think this helps me a lot that she showed up where I was at.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She would of made sure I was not there if she was worried about her safety. Im typing on my phone. Disregard any misspellings


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> She may of kmew. Dont know. She sent a text to my moms caregiver saying she was.coming. the caregiver text.my sister she was coming. I was sitting beside my sister and she showed me the text. I was getting up because I was going to leave but she pulled up right after. I still have not been served but I am going to the court house tomorrow to get it. For all I know there may not be one. But I think this helps me a lot that she showed up where I was at.


How are you going to pick up a restraining order if you do not even know if there is one?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Im going to call. If there is one, my lawyer needs it ASAP.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Well where I live if you file a restraining order against someone it is served asap. The fact that she was observed talking with you and you have witnesses is very favorable in getting a restraining order dropped.-A good way of explaining this scuffle you had with her to the judge is that your actions were no better or worse than hers-I've seen this used before and it renders things mute.


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## Finding Nemo (Oct 30, 2012)

mablenc said:


> Why not go to IC, it can help you cope and it may help your lawyer prove emitional distress. But I'd check first with your lawyer don't want your soon to be ex use it as a he's crazy ammunition. And yes is check with a criminal attorney I know it's going hit your wallet, but this is something you cannot afford to have on your record and be labeled as a wife beater.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually, the IC would be the best thing he could do for himself. My husband and I went through this at the beginning of the year. I did not press charges on my husband but the state did. One of the things that the judge said to my husband during the very first meeting in court was that he would be doing himself a great deal of service to get into counseling and to do it on his own without the court ordering it. It would show he knows he needs to work on himself and he is willing to do the work. This makes the courts happier than if you sit back and do nothing.


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## Finding Nemo (Oct 30, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Yeah. Not sure when court is for this charge. But before that we have to go to a hearing in restraining order. That is my main focus because I can not see my kid. Breaks.my heart for him. I know this is hard on him. He always wanted to be with me and it made mommy mad. She says I brain washed him. Ugh.


Really read that restraining order really well and ask as many questions as you can think of. Make sure that it reads no contact with either the wife AND you son. This is extremely important. The state placed on my husband in regard to having any contact with me, but our daughter was not included in it. He was allowed to see our daughter as much as he wanted. He could see her every day as long as someone else picked her up and dropped her off. My daughter was not even 1 foot from us when my husband hit me and he could still see her and talk to her. Just no contact with me. 

Something else I am going to advise you to do --- any and all contact that you may end having with her or anyone in any regard to her should be written in email or text. Keep everything you get - paperwork, files, etc in a safe place. I doubt you will be in contact with her any time soon, but seriously, leave a paper trail as long as you can during this entire ordeal. Even if it is about your son. It will help you immensely in the long run.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks for the tips. I made a counseling appointment a few weeks ago really to talk about my son but I can make another one, no problem. I normally pick my son up every day from school. Even the days he would spend the night with his mom. I know this is hurting him so bad.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Thanks for the tips. I made a counseling appointment a few weeks ago really to talk about my son but I can make another one, no problem. I normally pick my son up every day from school. Even the days he would spend the night with his mom. I know this is hurting him so bad.


Find out what you gotta find out...do what you gotta do...stay on top of shxt and keep your nose clean. Daily persue what you need too to get your visitations with your son back on track. But through your lawyer and legally so nothing backfires...

This will iron out...just stay on top of the game....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Thanks for the tips. I made a counseling appointment a few weeks ago really to talk about my son but I can make another one, no problem. I normally pick my son up every day from school. Even the days he would spend the night with his mom. I know this is hurting him so bad.


If you find that there is no restraining order, pick your son up. Send her an email and a text stating that you will do this as you are his father and she cannot interfere with your relationship.

since you have not been served with it yet, I doubt one exists.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Well there still is my bond from jail that says I can not contact her. Im waiting to hear from my lawyer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Well there still is my bond from jail that says I can not contact her. Im waiting to hear from my lawyer.


How long does that last? Until your court date? When is the court date?

Your lawyer might he able to do something about the order for you to not contact her. Or maybe he can arrange something for exchange of your son at a natural place. You picking him up from school has nothing to do with contacting her. Then you could drop your son off at a relatives and she picks him up there.

Or you could start the agreement of you either of you just driving up to the other's house and your son then walks to/from the car to the house. No contact is needed for this.


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> How long does that last? Until your court date? When is the court date?
> 
> Your lawyer might he able to do something about the order for you to not contact her. Or maybe he can arrange something for exchange of your son at a natural place. You picking him up from school has nothing to do with contacting her. Then you could drop your son off at a relatives and she picks him up there.
> 
> Or you could start the agreement of you either of you just driving up to the other's house and your son then walks to/from the car to the house. No contact is needed for this.


Yes. That is what I was hoping for.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

My mom just passed an hour ago. Hopefully I can take my son to the viewing as family and friends will want to see him.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I don't know you from Adam ,but for what its worth my condolences, -Sorry your having to go through such a tough time in this life.
What you might want to do as far as exchanging your son is do it where there is cameras-such as the police station parking lot. That way she can't say you harassed her or whatever-doesn't sound like she can be trusted.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



gulfwarvet said:


> I don't know you from Adam ,but for what its worth my condolences, -Sorry your having to go through such a tough time in this life.
> What you might want to do as far as exchanging your son is do it where there is cameras-such as the police station parking lot. That way she can't say you harassed her or whatever-doesn't sound like she can be trusted.


Thank you. I plan on recording any future exchanges with my phone. Just to be safe.


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## Mzflower (Aug 3, 2013)

So sorry about your mom


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I'm sorry for your loss.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Talked to lawyer. She did file a restraining order and court is october 2nd. She has custody of our child until then. Ugh. Strange how she didnt want me arrested or to press charges, yet she filed a restraining order. And then shows up at my parents house where she knew I was. I feel so bad for my son. I know he misses me. Hes used to seeing me 24 days out of every 28 days. I see him 3 to 4 hours a day on the days he spends the night with his mom


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Next wed. Court hearing can not get here soon enough. My lawyer said that all she has to say is she felt safe coming to my parents house because other people were there. Regardless I hope she comes to her senses by then. The fact that she showed up and did not want to press charges in the beginning makes me feel a little better. Just miss my kid so much.


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> My mom just passed an hour ago. Hopefully I can take my son to the viewing as family and friends will want to see him.


Man I am so sorry. My prayers are with your family.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks tdwal. Im hanging in there. If she shows at the viewing im going to take pics if her and record any conversation we have. She will have to initiate it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My condolences to you and your family.

I don't have any useful advice to offer, but I wanted to let you know that I've been reading your thread, and I'm thinking of you!

*hugs*


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



Letklia said:


> Again, assuming this went down just as you say it did.


Yeah. Her and I were alone so........wish someone did see it all.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Well,I think any judge worth their salt will see this for what it is-an underhanded power move to try and get custody that is coming at the emotional expense of your child. Pretty despicable.
Keep posting, I know your in a lonely place -I've been there, the fight for your child is worth it.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She showed up with my son to the viewing. He ran to my arms as soon as he got out of her car. We hung out the entire 3 hours. I got to talk to him about all that is going on. He asked me if he could go home with me and I told him if his mom said so. She said no of course...some excuse about homework. ...........I talked to her 2 times. First time I asked her why is she doing this as its hurting our child. She said I am not stable because of my mom and I supposedly said I was going to break her arm in our little mail struggle. Ugh. 

2nd time I went and sat by her and my son. He was in the middle. He was holding both of our hands. He kept trying to bring our hands together. Poor thing. I just looked at her and said "truce" and held out my hand. We shook hands and I held her hand for a few minutes before she pulled away.

She has to feel horrible for keeping him from me. I could see it in her eyes. When they left I walked my son to the car and he gave me lots of kisses and hugs. More than normal. Think mommy was getting irritated. Next wed. Can't get here soon enough.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry for your loss.

It is good though that you got to spend time with your son. 

Has your attorney given you any semblance of hope?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> I'm sorry for your loss.
> 
> It is good though that you got to spend time with your son.
> 
> Has your attorney given you any semblance of hope?



Thanks. I had to email my lawyer my paperwork for my bond release last night. I recorded our conversation tonight too. My lawyer is gathering all this info and my emails from every time we have had contact. We are supposed to talk sometime soon. He just told me that judge we have is very level headed and will see she is trying to get an upper hand in the divorce. I mentioned to my wife tonight that her girlfriend is talking in her ear and she is doing everything her gf says. She didnt respond to that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Thanks. I had to email my lawyer my paperwork for my bond release last night. I recorded our conversation tonight too. My lawyer is gathering all this info and my emails from every time we have had contact. We are supposed to talk sometime soon. He just told me that judge we have is very level headed and will see she is trying to get an upper hand in the divorce. I mentioned to my wife tonight that her girlfriend is talking in her ear and she is doing everything her gf says. She didnt respond to that.


There are few things worse in a marriage than toxic friends. 

Your wife's statements about you being unstable right now are very worry some. It sounds like she is going to really play this up. You are going to have to be so calm, cool and collected from here on out.

Going to only email communications and recording anything is person is the only defense you have now. She has now proven to be willing to take this to a very bad place.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

MSC

Very sorry for your loss and the RO.

Stay calm. Support your family right now.

And let your attorney handle this mess.

Everything will work out in time.

HM


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

This thing has taken a turn for the bizzare-her shaking your hand and so on -shes not playing the terrified victim very well at all.
Unstable ? Well that has to be proven-you can shake that one easy enough in court by volunteering for a psyche eval if need be.
Truly the best thing to do is try to keep this whole thing as civil as possible so it doesn't go out of control and become a battle of the wills which mine ended up being.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yeah. The best way for me to show im stable right now is to follow the rules.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

By the way gulfwarvet, our battle of wills and being "right fighters" is why this entire divorce has gone on too long. Its been a clash of hard headed egos!


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Just so your war doesn't go on for 3-1/2 years like mine did.
-Its costs way too much money and battle fatigue starts to set in.
-I tried to get things settled early on before the lawyers got things so ugly and expensive, but she wouldn't listen to reason. I don't think she was very happy with outcome and less so after she paid her attorneys fees.


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## whispersofme (Sep 18, 2013)

So sorry for your loss. Was reading your story and had to mention, I live in GA too and I was under the impression that if you both had marks on you from an altercation that BOTH parties were arrested. 

Hate that you are going through this but follow the rules (that she has already broken) and get as many witnessess as you can from the viewing that saw you both together to testify on your behalf. it sounds as if your wife is letting others tell her how and what she needs to do. 

Good Luck!


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks. I think the officer said since she had the mail first and I tried to takenit from her I was the aggressor. 

At my mom's memorial all the family was gathered in one room for a little pre service prayer. She was standing outside not sure if I wanted her in with the family or sitting with the rest of the people. Anyways I walked out in the hall and told her to sit with the rest of the guests. Ha! Im sure that made her feel bad. Me, my Dad, Sister, my nieces and my son all sat together in front row. My stbx sat with her parents near the back.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You seem to be handling this well. Just continue to keep a cool head.

Did any of the mail she picked up have only your name on it?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Im not a sure. She could of grabbed more. I dont know. She just emailed me with the money I owe her for my half of kid expenses. .....funny thing was clothes for funeral was one of the things on the list.

Also on her restraining order she was asking for me to pay court costs....child support. Ugh. Our verbal agreement and what we have been doing the last year was for her to pay his school tuition ($500) month in lieu of her paying me child support! She makes more $ than me and I have 3 years of documentation showing I have been his primary care giver.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Im not a sure. She could of grabbed more. I dont know. She just emailed me with the money I owe her for my half of kid expenses. .....funny thing was clothes for funeral was one of the things on the list.
> 
> Also on her restraining order she was asking for me to pay court costs....child support. Ugh. Our verbal agreement and what we have been doing the last year was for her to pay his school tuition ($500) month in lieu of her paying me child support! She makes more $ than me and I have 3 years of documentation showing I have been his primary care giver.


Child support is calculated by a formula that takes into consideration each parent's income and the amount of time each spends with the child(ren). 

If she makes more than you, she might very well end up end up paying you child support.

Extra things, like tuition, are generally split according to each parents % of the total income. So if you earn, say 40% of combined income, you would pay 40% of the tuition. By she might be giving you child support.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Child support is calculated by a formula that takes into consideration each parent's income and the amount of time each spends with the child(ren).
> 
> If she makes more than you, she might very well end up end up paying you child support.
> 
> Extra things, like tuition, are generally split according to each parents % of the total income. So if you earn, say 40% of combined income, you would pay 40% of the tuition. By she might be giving you child support.



Yeah. I have the worksheet. We have papers drawn up where she pays his tuition in lieu of child support. Her lawyer wrote that. I don't want CS if she pays tuition. And believe it or not child custody has never been an argument at all. That is usually the main thing people fight over. I think its sad that she put that in her restraining order complaint.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I forgot to add when she decided to divorce, she cut back work and started to ne super mom. She started documenting everything like I was. But I started documenting 2 years prior because of comments she would make from time time.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

So worried. Miss my son. I am working all weekend to keep busy. I worry by nature. Always have. Hopefully working and sleeping will make the time go by. Nervous. ....


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Court tomorrow at 12:30 pm for the restraining order. I hope she does not how. Besides, the rules of my bond state that I can not contact her. Pray for my son. Im doing good considering. ...I only worry about my son who is my life. And I am his life too.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Court tomorrow at 12:30 pm for the restraining order. I hope she does not n's how. Besides, the rules of my bond state that I can not contact her. Pray for my son. Im doing good considering. ...I only worry about my son who is my life. And I am his life too.



Hopefully the judge will be reasonable and rexognize that the order is a farce. Good luck! At the very least, I hope you'll be able to make the case to see your son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I do hope all goes well and that the judge is reasonable.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I have faith the judge will do the right thing.This time tomorrow you should be feeling a lot better. By all means let us know how it went.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I will let you know what happened today.

I could charge her for, or try too. At this point I think it would look bad to do that after the fact. It would look like I was trying to get even with her. ..my lawyer suggested not to do that too for the same reason.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have a very good attitude about this. Just keep it up. I'll keep praying that the judge is a sensible and fair person.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I will let you know what happened today.
> 
> I could charge her for, or try too. At this point I think it would look bad to do that after the fact. It would look like I was trying to get even with her. ..my lawyer suggested not to do that too for the same reason.


You were smart to listen to your lawyer. I bet the judge will see that as points in your favor (showing that you are reasonable.).

Good luck!


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

The restraining order was dismissed... the judge ordered my lawyer to contact her lawyer and get a parenting plan drawn up due to the fact that I can. noy contact her from my bond. She showed up with no lawyer. Strange. ...so my lawyer got to cross examine her after she told the judge what happened. ...she stated I was unstable and my child needs to be with her. Ugh. All that I am going through, I have handled as best as a person possibly could! This is nothing more than a power play for divorce. ....glad the judge saw through that and dismissed the order.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good for you. 
Now stay calm, cool and dispassionate. 
That means out of trouble. 

Vent here with us when you need to
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



happyman64 said:


> Good for you.
> Now stay calm, cool and dispassionate.
> That means out of trouble.
> 
> ...


Hell yeah. I cant get into trouble being home alone. Lol. Seems to be working great so far.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> The restraining order was dismissed... the judge ordered my lawyer to contact her lawyer and get a parenting plan drawn up due to the fact that I can. noy contact her from my bond. She showed up with no lawyer. Strange. ...so my lawyer got to cross examine her after she told the judge what happened. ...she stated I was unstable and my child needs to be with her. Ugh. All that I am going through, I have handled as best as a person possibly could! This is nothing more than a power play for divorce. ....glad the judge saw through that and dismissed the order.


Great news:smthumbup:
:woohoo:


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Been reading this, and glad to hear the R/O was thrown out. Now go get your son ... legally ... but go get him.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks. My bond does not say anything about staying away from my son. I should be able to see him now. But now I have to wait? Very frustrating.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> The restraining order was dismissed... the judge ordered my lawyer to contact her lawyer and get a parenting plan drawn up *due to the fact that I can. noy contact her from my bond.* She showed up with no lawyer. Strange. ...so my lawyer got to cross examine her after she told the judge what happened. ...she stated I was unstable and my child needs to be with her. Ugh. All that I am going through, I have handled as best as a person possibly could! This is nothing more than a power play for divorce. ....glad the judge saw through that and dismissed the order.


How long does the bond restriction of contacting her last? I would think it only lasted until you showed up for your court date. 

Did the judge mention that this is why he wanted a parenting plan put in place?

Make sure your attorney now specifies that she is not allowed in your home and has to wait in the car when she drops off and picks up your son.



.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Thanks. My bond does not say anything about staying away from my son. I should be able to see him now. But now I have to wait? Very frustrating.


Why do you have to wait? Your attorney can ask the court to call an emergency custody hearing... so either she and her attorney agree to a 50/50 custody plan this week or you are doing to drag her into an emergency hearing.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Today was just a hearing for the restraining order she filed on her own. As far as the bond and not contacting her, I imagine that will stay in place until I go to court for the battery charge. I think the parenting plan is to get in writing how we will do exchanges I think.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Today was just a hearing for the restraining order she filed on her own. As far as the bond and not contacting her, I imagine that will stay in place until I go to court for the battery charge. I think the parenting plan is to get in writing how we will do exchanges I think.


When is your court date for the battery charge?

The parenting plan will include when your son will be with each of you, how holidays, vacations, birthdays, etc will be divided and how the exchange will happen.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yeah. We have one written up in the divorce papers. We have followed those all along even though the papers were not signed. Im not sure when my court is. They are supposed to mail me about that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Yeah. We have one written up in the divorce papers. We have followed those all along even though the papers were not signed. Im not sure when my court is. They are supposed to mail me about that.


If she will not agree to go back to the unsigned agreement NOW, then you can have your attorney ask for an emergency custody and timeshare hearing. An interim plan can be put into place at that hearing. Your wife is withholding your son from you. You have grounds for this.

Your court date could be weeks or months from now. By then the status quo would be that you never see your son.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> If she will not agree to go back to the unsigned agreement NOW, then you can have your attorney ask for an emergency custody and timeshare hearing. An interim plan can be put into place at that hearing. Your wife is withholding your son from you. You have grounds for this.
> 
> Your court date could be weeks or months from now. By then the status quo would be that you never see your son.


Judge ordered my lawyer to contact her lawyer and get a plan. They have to do a conference call with the judge next Thursday at the latest. I think the judge saw and heard how much time I spend with my child. Im sure that helped me as he runs across dead beat parents every day in court. Judge was very good in my opinion. I watched all the cases before mine. Very level headed and fair.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Judge ordered my lawyer to contact her lawyer and get a plan. They have to do a conference call with the judge next Thursday at the latest. I think the judge saw and heard how much time I spend with my child. Im sure that helped me as he runs across dead beat parents every day in court. Judge was very good in my opinion. I watched all the cases before mine. Very level headed and fair.


Ok, so the Thursday date is good. I was not aware of that. 

From what I've seen of the courts these days, they want both parents involved in a child's life as much as possible. They are also very wise now about the games people play. Your wife was obviously playing a game. Apparently the judge saw that.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Ok, so the Thursday date is good. I was not aware of that.
> 
> From what I've seen of the courts these days, they want both parents involved in a child's life as much as possible. They are also very wise now about the games people play. Your wife was obviously playing a game. Apparently the judge saw that.


Yes. I was pleasantly surprised as I dont have much faith in the legal system. Especially since they tend to favor women in these situations.....trust me, I know why that is. Im just glad this judge was reasonable. The officer who served me told me 99% of these restraining orders are thrown out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Yes. I was pleasantly surprised as I dont have much faith in the legal system. Especially since they tend to favor women in these situations.....trust me, I know why that is. Im just glad this judge was reasonable. The officer who served me told me 99% of these restraining orders are thrown out.


Usually they look for a history of abuse. She's never called the police on your before. Only now when she thinks that she has to fight for custody does she pull this. It's transparent.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Usually they look for a history of abuse. She's never called the police on your before. Only now when she thinks that she has to fight for custody does she pull this. It's transparent.


Exactly. ..and the fact I have never been in trouble before. I am picking him up from school tomorrow!!! Her and I have been emailing tonight. Its going well. I hope this is a start of us both outting our child first and not arguing over stupid things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Exactly. ..and the fact I have never been in trouble before. I am picking him up from school tomorrow!!! Her and I have been emailing tonight. Its going well. I hope this is a start of us both outting our child first and not arguing over stupid things.


Good that you get to pick him up tomorrow.

Did she start to email you frist? Make sure you keep copies of all emails. Take copies of them when you go to court. 

What are the plans for how the exchange will go when she gets him?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Good that you get to pick him up tomorrow.
> 
> Did she start to email you frist? Make sure you keep copies of all emails. Take copies of them when you go to court.
> 
> What are the plans for how the exchange will go when she gets him?


She said she will pick him up after work. I think we agree that all this crap needs to stop and we need to focus on our child. I have copies of emails


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> She said she will pick him up after work. I think we agree that all this crap needs to stop and we need to focus on our child. I have copies of emails


I'm looking for the details here.. (to help you work through this)

Yea she agreed that all the crap needs to stop and you two need to focus on your child. But you need to protect yourself as well.

Remember that she's the one who sat in court and said that you are unstable. She is trying to prove a point here. 

If she is pulling the abuse/unstable card she needs to get close to you again so that she can drum up more charges. Don't think that this carp does not go on.

Don't you have restrictions right now due to the bond to not go near her?

I highly suggest that you protect yourself. Tell her via email that due to the restraining order put on your by the bond, that it's best if the exchange occurs in the front yard. 

Then you get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and keep it on your person. That way if anything starts when she is around you, you have evidence of what happened.

Also have your cell phone on you. If she acts out, you can video it.

In any case, if she gets out of hand, you need to protect yourself. She's already learned that it's really easy to get you riled up, arrested and charged.

Many people consider divorce to be a kind of war. I think it's a disgusting attitude. But she seems to have entered that mind set. And she has at least one friend coaching her and helping her with it. There is at least one book for women that coaches them on how to attack divorce and their stbx as thought it's a war.

Divorce War!: 50 Strategies Every Woman Needs to Know to Win: Bradley Pistotnik: 9781558506008: Amazon.com: Books


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She is going to text me when she arrives and my son will walk out and get in her car. I am staying inside


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> She is going to text me when she arrives and my son will walk out and get in her car. I am staying inside


Good. Very smart.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

He will be with you me all weekend too.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71, glad to hear that the RO was dismissed, and that you get to see your son again - I know it's been very hard for you. You're being smart about this - keep that up and don't let your emotions get the better of you. And having NC with her seems to be doing you good, and keeps you in the clear.

EleGirl has some good advice. I can't offer any advice b/c I've not been in your situation, but I'll try to offer as much moral support as I can


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thank you for the moral suoport and everyone who has given me advice. My son is talking about that night. he said his mommy told him I could not see him because of the judge. Ugh.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She stopped at end of driveway and I sent my son down. Worked fine. I told him this is so mommy and daddy don't argue. he seemed too like that part.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good move msc.

Stick to what works....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm glad you have your time back with your son.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

catching up on your thread...sooo happy to hear your back with your boy and things are going for the better...

awesome!


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I went to hospital in tuesday. Went to the nurse at work and my blood pressure was 150/108. They would not let me go back to work. I went to the ER and was there 6 hours. EKG did not show any problems. Blood work looked really good. Im scheduled for a stress test Wed. For my heart to be safe. Dr. Said it seems to be related to stress which makes sense after all that has happened in the last few weeks!

1. Arrested
2. Kept from my child
3. Mother died

I have been trying to get this divorce finalized. I offered to just sign the papers my wife has been pushing for me to sign for the last year. Guess what? She has new demands now. Lol. So we are going to court next month. 

Right now she has been paying our sons tuition ($460 month) in lieu of.child support. She makes more money than me. Was in.school half our marriage. I offered her to split all costs 50/50 including tuition and we both go our separate ways. She said no. So now we will most likely put our incomes in a child support work sheet (Georgia) and probably split things by income % which would be 60% her and 40% me. Sadly she is hell bent in revenge right now. Hopefully she comes to her senses before court.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you use the state guidelines, she will most likely end up paying you child support. Things like tuition are usually divided according to % of income earned. So you would only pay 40%.

It's either going to end up a wash or she will end up paying you some child support.

It often turns out that the one who goes out for revenge ends up shooting themselves in the foot.

Karma is a b!tch.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your mother and your health, please take care of body and mind. I'm glad to hear things are turning out better than what you expected.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Are you consulting with a good atty on the divorce terms? If you paid for her to go to school for so long, you may be entitled to recover some of those expenses. Her high earning is due to your financial support. You may be entitled to a few years of alimony.

Don't short yourself on the finances. The child support should be done per the state guidelines. For sure don't give away anything there, to include the tuition.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Our agreement was she would pay his tuition instead of child support. And she would not take half my 401k. I was fine with that. But at this point I am done trying to negotiate. I always said from day one that we put our #'s in the CS worksheet and be done with it. Originally she was hell bent on not paying a man child support (as she put it). And a real man would not take money from a woman. Lol. Oh, and I would be teaching my son to take money from a woman. Ugh.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She cut back her hours too right before she filed for divorce. Cut back to one job. Basically knocked $20-30k of her yearly income.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

MSC71 said:


> She cut back her hours too right before she filed for divorce. Cut back to one job. Basically knocked $20-30k of her yearly income.


You need to tell your attorney about what you've offered and she's declined and tell him it's all on him now, gloves off, nothing less than the maximum you can get including alimony based on her past earnings. The judge is not going to be amused by her taking steps to reduce her income just before she files for divorce, it's too obvious a ploy.

She's doing her best to turn this into a nasty fight despite your best efforts to be amicable. Now it's time to give her the nasty fight she wants.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

That is what I have already done. Im not wasting any more stress or energy trying to negotiate with someone who is impossible. My only concern is my battery charge that is still pending. But the same judge who threw out her restraining order is the judge handling our divorce.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

By the way. She just does the opposite of me. She wanted me to sign the papers for a long time. I finally agree and now she says her demands have changed based on the battery charge and the fact I don't pay her money owed fast enough. 

I kept our house. Her name is still on it. She lives with parents and already took all the stuff out she wanted. She keeps talking about equity in the house. Since I have paid almost $20k in house payments alone since she moved out, wouldn't that factor into her equity?


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## Mzflower (Aug 3, 2013)

Hope you are feeling better today. You've been thru so much in a short time. Sending you hugs.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

On her hours and pay.

Use previous years tax records to demonstrate income history

+if she's cut back hours to have more time for her to date you might be able to use that in court.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



Shaggy said:


> On her hours and pay.
> 
> Use previous years tax records to demonstrate income history
> 
> +if she's cut back hours to have more time for her to date you might be able to use that in court.


Yeah. My lawyer has all that stuff. Since she lives at home with her parents she does not have the need to work like before. She moved out in May 2012 so this has been going on a while.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Yeah. My lawyer has all that stuff. Since she lives at home with her parents she does not have the need to work like before. She moved out in May 2012 so this has been going on a while.


But, can't you claim the free rent she is now getting as a benefit with $$ value attached to it, so in fact her income level has remained constant.

You could measure this by comparing her relative spending and savings and debt growth rates before and after the move.

Her free room and board have a calcuatable value.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She pays rent there. And utilities. Not sure how much. Her icome while married was anywhere from $100-125k , year. All that school she went thru while we were married. I think last year taxes she claimed $90k. I know lately she has been working more too. My income has increased from raises and school from $60k to around $78k. So our incomes are closer now than before. Of course I increased mine to help myself and she decreased hers. And we have been doing 50/50 custody as far as sleepovers go.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your wife have student loans from getting her education? If she does, this is her sole debt. You should have to pay any of that in the divorce.

How much of her tuition, books and fees did you pay out of your income?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Does your wife have student loans from getting her education? If she does, this is her sole debt. You should have to pay any of that in the divorce.
> 
> How much of her tuition, books and fees did you pay out of your income?


No. Her Masters degree loan was paid off while we were married . She went back to school again from 2009-2011 and we paid for that as we went.  We were both working and had joint bank account.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Check with your attorney. In some states, since you helped to pay for her education you can get something back for it.

I put my ex through medical school. He had no debt at all you can know I put a lot into his MD. Unfortunately we divorced in NM so I got nothing as NM does not allow for recovery for this.

But, had we divorced in California, I could have received reimbursement from him for a long time for the over $100K I invested in his MD thinking it was an investment in our marriage/family.

Where does your state stand on this?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Check with your attorney. In some states, since you helped to pay for her education you can get something back for it.
> 
> I put my ex through medical school. He had no debt at all you can know I put a lot into his MD. Unfortunately we divorced in NM so I got nothing as NM does not allow for recovery for this.
> 
> ...


I will have to check and see. I remember asking my lawyer about that but forgot what he said. Whats funny is my wife said her money paid for her school. Lol. Even though we had joint account. Im sure you know very well that there are lots of sacrafices you and I made other than money too. I took care of the house, paid the bills, took care of my son 90% of the time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> I will have to check and see. I remember asking my lawyer about that but forgot what he said. Whats funny is my wife said her money paid for her school. Lol. Even though we had joint account. Im sure you know very well that there are lots of sacrafices you and I made other than money too. I took care of the house, paid the bills, took care of my son 90% of the time.


You are right. It was more than 'just' paying for school.

Shoot I found out later that I was also paying the mortgage on his mother's house. She put him on a half owner and so he paid it.. out of my income and did not tell me. I found the canceled checks, all in one neat little pile right before our divorce was final.. so I got all that back.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You are right. It was more than 'just' paying for school.
> 
> Shoot I found out later that I was also paying the mortgage on his mother's house. She put him on a half owner and so he paid it.. out of my income and did not tell me. I found the canceled checks, all in one neat little pile right before our divorce was final.. so I got all that back.


Mine went to school the first 3 years of our marriage. She was making more money than me when she went back for her Doctorate. I always liked that she made more than me, did not bother me. But it was like a little switch went off in her head when she started making more. 

I'm glad you got your money back. For me, the part that hurts the most is all the other sacrifices I made. Sadly, she still tells me I did not support her through school. I'm not sure what else I could of done besides take the test for her! LOL. I basically had it to where she had to work and study. That is it. I did everything else. Housework, Yardwork, Child raising. ugh. And I was told I was lazy. ha! But one thing I learned the last 2 years of our marriage is that no matter what I did, it would never be good enough. And after dating a bit I have found out that I am a rare catch. Every girl I dated said my wife was stupid for letting me go. I know my parts in the failed marriage. Bottom line is her and I just don't mix well.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

<------- New Avatar. Got my war paint on!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> <------- New Avatar. Got my war paint on!


Love your avatar!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Mine went to school the first 3 years of our marriage. She was making more money than me when she went back for her Doctorate. I always liked that she made more than me, did not bother me.


Well I did not get all the money back that I put into his MD. But some day my son will inherit a lot from his father so to me it’s all ok from that aspect.


MSC71 said:


> But it was like a little switch went off in her head when she started making more.


This is a very common thing. Often, when one spouse gets a higher education and income after marriage it seems to go to their heads. They cop an attitude that they have now stuck in a marriage where they are superior to their spouse, the very spouse who helped them get to where are. They turn on the spouse and leave them. I’ve read that this happens about 90% of the time.



MSC71 said:


> I'm glad you got your money back.


What I ended up doing about his mother’s house was a trade. He wanted half the equity in our home. He was on the deed for his mother’s home. So I told him that he could chose his deal… we would sell our house and his mother’s house. And then I’d get half the equity in our home and half of his equity in his mother’s home. Or I got all of our home, free and clear.

While threatening to force the sale of his mother’s home might seem mercenary, he had also moved (with her cooperation) about 100K of my income in to an account under her name so I could not touch it. Plus she was truly the WICKET WITCH OF THE WEST. When I told her that he was cheating through our entire marriage, her response was that it’s his right as a man to cheat.

So at least I got my home. I lost a lot of more money than what I go in house, but at least he did not completely fleece me financially, he tried and was beyond p!ssed that I got at least the house over on him.



MSC71 said:


> For me, the part that hurts the most is all the other sacrifices I made. Sadly, she still tells me I did not support her through school. I'm not sure what else I could of done besides take the test for her! LOL. I basically had it to where she had to work and study. That is it. I did everything else. Housework, Yardwork, Child raising. ugh. And I was told I was lazy. ha! But one thing I learned the last 2 years of our marriage is that no matter what I did, it would never be good enough.


That sounds familiar too. There must be a play book for folks like this.


MSC71 said:


> And after dating a bit I have found out that I am a rare catch. Every girl I dated said my wife was stupid for letting me go. I know my parts in the failed marriage. Bottom line is her and I just don't mix well.


You wife will find out that it’s not easy to find a good man. Her chances of finding someone who will stand by her the way you did are very low.

Hopefully you will find a good woman now who will appreciate you and love you.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Hopefully you will find a good woman now who will appreciate you and love you.


Thats all I ever wanted. To be appreciated. I'm actually a very easy person to please and get along with. I guess I'm low maintenance! :smthumbup:


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I dropped off my son at her parents this morning. Something she said I could not do anymore. Normally she would come out and get him in the past. Today I walked him inside and told him to go get in bed with mommy. I put all his school stuff on the counter and shut the garage door and left. Went smooth. Today is her birthday so she wanted to pick him up from school. Hes with her tonight. 

She did say she was confused by my new found nicness. I bit my tongue and didn't reply as I wanted to point out everything she has done recently. I truly want peace and for us to get along. I don't want to be her friend. But to get along for my sons sake.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

MSC - nothing good to add here, but man, I'm pulling for you. 

Keep up the good fight.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



thunderstruck said:


> MSC - nothing good to add here, but man, I'm pulling for you.
> 
> Keep up the good fight.


Thanks. I appreciate all the support. It truly means allot to me. I have my face paint and battle gear ready to fight for what is right. I hope it does not come to that, but I am ready for all possible scenarios! :thumbup:


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

I may have missed it, but just in case this site hasn't been suggested -

Divorce Information for Men and Fathers | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



thunderstruck said:


> I may have missed it, but just in case this site hasn't been suggested -
> 
> Divorce Information for Men and Fathers | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com


Thanks. I found that site in 2009 believe it or not. That is when I started documenting my day to day involvement with my son! Since I was the primary care giver for him and the fact I am a father, I felt it was necessary to have Proof. My ex found out I was documenting every thing 3 years later. So she immediately cut back work and started documenting things for herself. Lol. It was pretty obvious why she started doing that as she knew deep down she was not around enough. ........

Even in marriage counseling she stated she resented me for taking her "mommy" role from her. Ugh! She handed it to me. She should be happy she married a man who did what I did versus marrying someone who thought a wife is responsible for cooking, cleaning and child raising!...


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Stress test in heart done. Have to wait a few days until Dr. Looks at the pictures and calls me. My blood pressure is normal now. So its probably stress combined with heart burn! I fell sooo much better now as I have been eating healthy for 3 days now. I have always been thin and ate what I wanted. Time to start taking care of my inside!!!


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Dr. Called. Heart looks excellent. Valves look and work perfect. So my blood pressure was stress related as I always thought. But its normal now and I don't have to take any meds.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Dr. Called. Heart looks excellent. Valves look and work perfect. So my blood pressure was stress related as I always thought. But its normal now and I don't have to take any meds.


Hooray! :smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Glad to hear that your health is good. 

So what are you doing for yourself these days? How's your social life? Any hobbies? activities?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Glad to hear that your health is good.
> 
> So what are you doing for yourself these days? How's your social life? Any hobbies? activities?


Im eating much better. Social life is bland. I went out on lots of dates this summer but it seemed like I was not ready. I have 4 female friends who I talk to, that's about it. No hobbies but I need to find something. Im good at sports so maybe join a basketball league or play golf. Id really like to meet someone special but I am just being patient


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Im eating much better. Social life is bland. I went out on lots of dates this summer but it seemed like I was not ready. I have 4 female friends who I talk to, that's about it. No hobbies but I need to find something. Im good at sports so maybe join a basketball league or play golf. Id really like to meet someone special but I am just being patient


I've never understood why everyone emphasizes dating so much in terms of social life, as if dating=social life. It doesn't! It's good to just be around people, to make connections - don't worry if anything romantic will come of it.

I have found that MeetUp is a great way to boost one's social life. Find some MeetUps based on your extracurricular interests, and then go! Don't worry about no knowing anyone - that's the name of the game. Talk. Laugh. Have fun. Make friends.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



FeministInPink said:


> I've never understood why everyone emphasizes dating so much in terms of social life, as if dating=social life. It doesn't! It's good to just be around people, to make connections - don't worry if anything romantic will come of it.
> 
> I have found that MeetUp is a great way to boost one's social life. Find some MeetUps based on your extracurricular interests, and then go! Don't worry about no knowing anyone - that's the name of the game. Talk. Laugh. Have fun. Make friends.


Yes. Im not looking for a woman. I stopped all that until I get all my chaos settled. I really don't have a ton of friends. I have lots at work. Im a very likeable person, but hanging out with guys is not something I care about anymore. That stuff became non important when I got older. I don't need a ton of friends or need to be with others just to say I have a social life. Lol. Reminds me of high school. If I had no kid it may be different. I work for the airlines and can fly anywhere in the world for free. I have a hard time going somewhere like that alone. ..not sure why .


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Yes. Im not looking for a woman. I stopped all that until I get all my chaos settled. I really don't have a ton of friends. I have lots at work. Im a very likeable person, but hanging out with guys is not something I care about anymore. *That stuff became non important when I got older. I don't need a ton of friends or need to be with others just to say I have a social life. * Lol. Reminds me of high school. If I had no kid it may be different. I work for the airlines and can fly anywhere in the world for free. I have a hard time going somewhere like that alone. ..not sure why .


You know, I feel this way, too - I don't really feel the need to surround myself with people all the time, and I'm perfectly happy going to dinner and a movie alone, or staying home and making myself a nice dinner. I didn't really feel the need to go out and make friends, either.

But then I went out with a karaoke MeetUp group, and I had a lot of fun. I was also amazed at how great I felt afterward - for the next couple days even, like just interacting with other people in a non-work setting re-charged my soul, in a way.

I think, when we're stuck in a bad relationship, it sucks so much energy out of us that it makes the thought of socializing with anyone overwhelming or undesirable. For me, when I was still with my STBXH, I felt that I was under so much pressure NOT to tell anyone what was going on, to present a cheerful "front." So I never really enjoyed myself - not to mention that going out and "socializing" meant hanging out with my STBXH's (usually obnoxious) friends while my STBXH got wasted, which was never any fun for me. Now, I can go out with other people and actually ENJOY MYSELF.

(God, I keep discovering new examples of how my STBXH sucked all the happiness/joy out of my life.)

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread, I just wanted to offer you some food for thought.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



FeministInPink said:


> You know, I feel this way, too - I don't really feel the need to surround myself with people all the time, and I'm perfectly happy going to dinner and a movie alone, or staying home and making myself a nice dinner. I didn't really feel the need to go out and make friends, either.
> 
> But then I went out with a karaoke MeetUp group, and I had a lot of fun. I was also amazed at how great I felt afterward - for the next couple days even, like just interacting with other people in a non-work setting re-charged my soul, in a way.
> 
> ...


Im the same way. When I do get out and do something, it feels great. I have learned that being happy is something that comes from within.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Im eating much better. Social life is bland. I went out on lots of dates this summer but it seemed like I was not ready. I have 4 female friends who I talk to, that's about it. No hobbies but I need to find something. Im good at sports so maybe join a basketball league or play golf. Id really like to meet someone special but I am just being patient


Sounds like you need to just get out there, meet people (not just women) and find things you like to do.

Take a look at Find Meetup Groups near you - Meetup

Here where I live they have groups that hike, whitewater raft, skydive, go out dancing, cooking clubs, book clubs, motorcycle clubs, etc... and anyone can just show up. There are hundreds of meet up group in my town on that site.


There are also groups like parents without partners (google them).

Maybe there are some where you live too.

Get busy, meet people, enjoy life


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> Sounds like you need to just get out there, meet people (not just women) and find things you like to do.
> 
> Take a look at Find Meetup Groups near you - Meetup
> 
> ...


Yes and I will eventually. Im not ready now. I have too much on my plate right now. Right now my focus is on my son and when he is not here I stay busy with work and working around the house.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> Yes and I will eventually. Im not ready now. I have too much on my plate right now. Right now my focus is on my son and when he is not here I stay busy with work and working around the house.


If that's what helps you get through the days right now, then that's the right thing to do.


Like they way, there is a season for everything.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: I was charged with Battery*



EleGirl said:


> If that's what helps you get through the days right now, then that's the right thing to do.
> 
> 
> Like they way, there is a season for everything.


Yep. Im a homebody usually.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

November 17th is our court in regards to divorce. I have a chance to call witnesses for it. My neighbor lady and my son's teacher from last year will do it. I know my stbx will be using her friends who all 3 wrote affidavits against me. It was quite sad as they were my friends too. And these are people whom I have seen maybe 4 times during our marriage. Its pretty obvious they are saying things based on what the Stbx has told them. I hate gossip. Ugh.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I dropped my son off this morning and she was up. We chatted for a sec. She told me some bills I owed her. I told her I cant pay what I don't have. Then the blame shifting came. Its my fault for not listening to her. If I would just do what she says everything would be okay. Its all my fault. I asked her if she was serious. And it was her decision to walk away and I was trying to do my best with the cards I was dealt. I swear she blames me for everything. She blames me for her actions and it bothers me so much. I guess she will always do that. Sucks. If she gets mad and looses her cool, its my fault for pissing her off. Ugh!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> I dropped my son off this morning and she was up. We chatted for a sec. She told me some bills I owed her. I told her I cant pay what I don't have. Then the blame shifting came. Its my fault for not listening to her. If I would just do what she says everything would be okay. Its all my fault. I asked her if she was serious. And it was her decision to walk away and I was trying to do my best with the cards I was dealt. I swear she blames me for everything. She blames me for her actions and it bothers me so much. I guess she will always do that. Sucks. If she gets mad and looses her cool, its my fault for pissing her off. Ugh!


You handled her wrong.

Try this.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Wow, that's a really big picture!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

It is a really big message!


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Ill print that out and carry it in my back pocket. Lol.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSC71 said:


> Ill print that out and carry it in my back pocket. Lol.


Ha ha, nice 

Though, but in seriousness, I have printed off some posts from TAM to carry around with me, so I can refer to them frequently, until I've internalized the thought. I've printed a few things and put them on my tack-board in my office as well, and other places where I migth see them. Very helpful.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

One thing I can't ever figure out about myself. When it comes to my ex, the only time I think about her or the only thoughts about her are sexual. Is that normal? Does it have anything to do with being codependent ? It's like I get stuck in this fantasy world. Probably why I held on to a bad marriage as long as I did.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

My ex always goes out having fun on the weekends she has our child. It bothers me. Why cant she just do this when she doesnt have him? I knoe I can't control it. Im having a tough time accepting it though.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

If you have proof that she's going out and getting wasted, you can bring that up in court because being hungover isn't properly caring for a kid, even if she does get a sitter when she's actually out. Is she doing that, or just having dinner with friends and stuff?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

TikiKeen said:


> If you have proof that she's going out and getting wasted, you can bring that up in court because being hungover isn't properly caring for a kid, even if she does get a sitter when she's actually out. Is she doing that, or just having dinner with friends and stuff?


More proof you should get f/t custody, yes?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> November 17th is our court in regards to divorce. I have a chance to call witnesses for it. My neighbor lady and my son's teacher from last year will do it. I know my stbx will be using her friends who all 3 wrote affidavits against me. It was quite sad as they were my friends too. And these are people whom I have seen maybe 4 times during our marriage. Its pretty obvious they are saying things based on what the Stbx has told them. I hate gossip. Ugh.


Don't you live in a no-fault divorce state? So what are the witnesses for?

I hope that your attorney will point out to the court that none of her witnesses have witnessed what they are claiming in their affidavits and testimony, that instead they are parroting your wife.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

When my son goes to bed, her job is done. Her parents are there so she can leave. Just like she did me for years. Not sure how I can prove it. She will just deny it I'm sure. 

My lawyer is going to mention her friends Ele. I just sent my lawyer emails I have sent to his teachers since Kindergarten (He's in 4th grade now). 40 or so each year. Plus he already has all my excel files where i documented my day to day activities with my child for close to 4 or years, all in excel calendar files for each month and each day filled out. 

She found out I was documenting all this stuff for several years around August of 2011. Right after she said she wanted a divorce. This was when she started documenting things, cutting back work and being home more. Kinda sorry it took that for her to be home more. She then tried to delete everything off of my computer which she accomplished and screwed it up big time. I was able to recover it all though. HA! 

She tells me that I don't know what she "has" on me as far a going to court goes. I'm not really worried as I know she took pictures of beer cans on the garage floor a few times. Funny thing it was when she was here helping drink them. lol. Then she said she had tons of text messages from me telling her she was a bad parent, arguing with her etc about divorce issues, past issues etc.. Not sure what else she could have on me since I'm always home.


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