# STBX and past friends



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just curious really, 2 nights ago I had a little "party" at my place, daughter also had some fun with her friends. But there's well, one particular lady friend that has always caught my eye. I've always kept it platonic but she looked rather good that night, and since I'm seperated I no longer have any fidelity rules.

She was one of my STBX's friends who formed part of our joint social circle back when we were together. The two haven't exactly been in touch so I know she's not spying for my STBX or anything, at least I hope not. Anyways, I'm wondering whether or not to make a move on her or not? Or is it just not cool?

With the women I meet in dating these days they can be pretty, can be sexy, can be smart, can be impressive, but I have yet to meet one that I could say "Damn, I wanna ram her!" However, this woman the other night, I've been sexually attracted for some time now, of course I never acted on it. Though I do recall both of us fun-flirting a while back when I was still on the booze.

I've been trying to push myself to get laid so that I can get over my STBX, with miserable results as I've gone as far as bringing them home only to hesitate and spend the night without sex instead. I've recently learnt I can't force it - I'll FK when I'm ready! 

But this friend... well, I wouldn't have to force it, I'll just have to let loose and see how it turns out, might bring my A game to the table with her as well cause well, she's hot lol
In other words, finally I've found a woman worth fking... only problem is her connection to my STBX

Tell me fellas - is this a good idea or should I continue to keep it in my pants?


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I wouldn't hesitate to pursue but I'd let her match my advances to make sure you're both on the same page. The only thing I would say is check your gut to make sure part of the motivation isn't to get a shot in against the stbx. I know you said they haven't been in touch but still..... And you're soooo right about "I can't force it". I'm in the same spot with a stbx and back dating. I haven't felt that spark yet.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Interesting you want to ram your wife's friend but you could not discretely ram other women. Revenge? 

Be honest. Let this friend of your wife know that you want to have sex with her because you want your wife to know.

If she agrees to help you get your wife jealous then it all good. If you use her without revealing your motives that is dishonest. Expect the same in return.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I say "no" at this time. 

After the divorce goes through and the two of you are completely living free lives then maybe pursue it. If you do so now, I suspect it will ruin their friendship and that's not cool.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

I have nothing against STBX, unless she decides to P me off or something like last weekend, but I don't hate her nor want revenge or to hurt her or to make her jealous. Besides I like that we're cool with each other now, don't want to ruin it - hence this thread for advice.

I still remember when STBX and I were still together too that when I did met up with this friend, sometimes she infactuated me to the point I lost desire for my STBX for the night. But then I woke up and it's back to normal - I've been loyal to my STBX since marriage. Of course STBX doesn't know that... and no longer needs to know. I've always been attracted to her.

STBX and her friend haven't been in touch, I've asked about her briefly 2 nights ago and that's when her friend told me that she hasn't heard from her. If the two of them were still in touch then I would be more wary. I'm cautious about this because I DON'T want dramas with STBX.

She's a little young though, almost 10 years younger than my STBX. Ok, how about I test the waters abit more? And to be safe - I should make sure STBX and her friend aren't close or anything now right? And if they are - should I really keep my distance?

Bah, if I don't go for her - then it's back to celibacy because I can't find anyone else that makes me wanna ram 'em - I'm picky as FK!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Alright, been chatting on FB with her, normally ignored her, found out she's never really been close to STBX herself, closer to her other friends however. So far no red light except that she
s not in a committed relationship but is currently with someone else though, relationship doesn't seem official, maybe an opportunity to outs the competititon. She seems nice enough, then again most women are nice to me 

Would have to take my time with this one, plant the seeds and install thoughts in her head and be patient, need to break friendship barrier first too. Hmmm, think this is a decent enough challenge. Still don't know what she's going to be like past friendship barrier, would have to date her first.

Unless someone has something to say to stop me?


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

The marriage is over......the legal technicalities are just that. I think the things that should guide you are the normal golden rule stuff between you and the new woman. Good luck.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aye, and thanks

Alright, slow and steady with this one, might keep looking for other potentials in the meantime. Hell I hate being picky!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I say go for it! Just make ABSOLUTELY sure of your motivations or things could blow up in unexpected ways. My STBW slept with her ex husbands barely adult son, and it blew up in ways you can't possibly imagine.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Random, ultimately you are both adults and can do what you want.

BUT... (hehee, that pesky BUT)... "Girl code" says a true friend doesn't get involved with her friend's husband/stbx/former anything/lover, etc.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sleeping with her stepson? Now that would be awkward lol
I don't think this compares to that really does it? heh

Hmmm, girl code eh? Seems to add an extra layer of challenge!
It might not happen after all, but I guess its worth a shot, not many women I can feel that spark with.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Sleeping with her stepson? Now that would be awkward lol
> *I don't think this compares to that really does it?* heh
> 
> Hmmm, girl code eh? Seems to add an extra layer of challenge!
> It might not happen after all, but I guess its worth a shot, not many women I can feel that spark with.


Not directly, or course not. My point was, be sure that there will be unintended and unforseen consequences. I doubt your situation will go as nuclear as my STBW did. In fact, I'm pretty sure it won't. Her situation was a calculated revenge exit affair that ended up hurting a lot of people beyond her ex husband, and almost cost her several others, and has had a negative impact on future relationships. Just remember, there will probably be things happen that you didn't see coming.


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