# Paying for things for child-Alienation at play



## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Ok, heres a curly one for you all. 

My ex has successfully alienated my son from me. 
I have not seen nor spoken to him for nearly 3 months. 

My son has been brainwashed enough to believe that I am a bad person and he has also told me he does not want to see me or speak to me anymore. 

I have no ill feelings towards my son at all, as I know this is not his fault. 

My issue is his mother still expects me to just hand over money whenever my son needs anything.

What do I do? 
I want to support my son emotionally and financially but I don't want him to think that even though he won't speak to me or see me then its not that easy just to expect that I will fork out money when they want it. 

What do I do?


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Get a lawyer.

Why haven`t you seen your son in 3 months?

That`s unacceptable.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old is your son?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

tacoma said:


> Get a lawyer.
> 
> Why haven`t you seen your son in 3 months?
> 
> That`s unacceptable.


Ex is denying access.
I do have a lawyer.
Hearing is in December. 

They weren't going to have a hearing until MARCH, next year.
Yes that's right, she has denied access for nearly 3 months already and the court wasn't going to do anything until march next year.
The system is a joke. 
My son is 8 years old


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

mrnice said:


> Ex is denying access.
> I do have a lawyer.
> Hearing is in December.
> 
> ...


Yes, I know the system is a joke.

On what grounds is she denying access?


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Unless you are a child molester or something in that vein it's disgusting when a parent who has custody of a child denies the other parent access to their child.  It's especially hard on the child. A child should have BOTH parents in his/her life if possible.


----------



## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Unless you are a child molester or something in that vein it's disgusting when a parent who has custody of a child denies the other parent access to their child.  It's especially hard on the child. A child should have BOTH parents in his/her life if possible.


Especially hard on the child is an understatement.
Its a sure way to screw a child up for a good part of his/her life.

And no I have done nothing wrong, she does it out of pure spite and jealousy. 

Clearly this behaviour should be classed as Child Abuse and it should be recognised as a mental disorder.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I agree. It's horrible to deny an 8 year old boy access to his father!

In the past year, my husband has been a complete jerk, not to just me but to my kids as well. . My daughter wants little to nothing to do with him but my son is still attached to him (although less so then he used to be). I never denied my H access to him. In fact, I would drive my son over to his house to visit on weekends and he spent a good part of the summer at his father's house. 

A few weekends ago my son had his 14th birthday. Not only was my husband included in the celebration but I paid for his dinner when we all went out together to my son's favorite restaurant. For the same reason my H will be celebrating the holidays with us...because I feel it's important that he do so, both for him and for our son. 

My daughter and I could care less if he's there or not. Instead, I'd love to take her skiing for the holidays but somehow that wouldn't seem like the right thing to do...:rofl:

All kidding aside....IMO, the relationship a parent has with his/her child is totally separate from the marriage. Unless there is good reason to deny access one's children should NEVER be a weapon that one estranged spouse uses against the other. 

Sometimes you have to wonder who is the adult and who is the child. . :banghead:


----------



## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I agree. It's horrible to deny an 8 year old boy access to his father!
> 
> 
> Sometimes you have to wonder who is the adult and who is the child. . :banghead:


You are a gem of a parent. Just wish everyone in this situation thought like this but unfortunately humans can be very fickle and no two humans are the same. 

As for your closing statement, I've heard young adults say that about one or both their parents during a split, it has so much merit. 

But getting back to my original question. 
I think I should just continue to pay, he is my son, it's not his fault his mother is alienating him.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Thanks for the kind words.  I try and be a good parent. My payback is that i have two great kids, even though my 17 year old daughter is acting like a brat today. 

You should pay the support your son is entitled to under the law. You should also have the right to visit with him. 

If your wife isn't upholding her part in allowing you to see your son then I would think that you need to address this in court. Not much else you can do. But whatever you do, don't deny your son support. Two wrongs don't make a right.


----------



## kat456 (Oct 11, 2011)

Okay, I could use some help here also..... My stbh came over to see the kids. I left so he could spend time with them without the tension of me being there.

I let him come to my house because he is staying with friends right now and has no where to take them to. 

So he wanted to do his laundry at my house and I told him no. Last time he used all my laundry detergent and stole my dryer sheets and it pissed me off, so I told him no. He did his laundry anyway and purposefully left another women's pair of pants sitting neatly folded on my couch.

I'm guessing that was to upset me. Also 2 days later I found condoms pushed down into a paint bucket I recently bought, so they weren't there previously either, he put them there for me to find.

So for now I told him not to darken my doorway again. He is not to come to home or step foot inside my door. He thinks this is to use the kids against him. But my thinking is he is nuts and what if he plants drugs in my house then calls the police or job and family services. I don't want to leave myself vulnerable. Also it upset me very much to find these things which he knew it would.

I also believe he is using drugs, He was previously a great father and very involved with his children.....I mean like a mother hen. He was great with them. Now he doesn't call or try to see them in any way. I did offer to take them to the YMCA and he see them there or at a mutual friends house. Or playground ,park , whatever. He cussed me out and hung up. 

I have not heard from him since. I also do have the suspicion he is on drugs due to the complete change in his personality. He is nervous, restless, agitated and a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.

I'm thinking I am not using the kids against him but protecting myself and them.

In the divorce I am filing for full custody but I want him drug tested. 

I am not real willing to work out anything until then, just because I feel like things have gotten way out of hand and I am looking to put space between him and I. 

But I feel like **** for it. I keep going back and forth, am I doing the right thing. I also keep trying to check myself and making sure I am not doing this for personal reasons.

The kids miss him something awful. I am not saying bad things about him. I keep telling them daddy is working real hard to get a place where they can come. And that daddy loves them and is thinking of them. But he doesn't call them.

I just keep praying for god to give me guidance. Anyone else have any suggestions. Would be helpful. Or is anyone else going through this. By the way he is also not paying any support or bills. I MEAN NOTHING!:scratchhead:


----------



## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

The alienation thing is just wrong! Here's a resource I stumbled on. Divorce source radio. com (no spaces) or on itune I just listened to a podcast today on parental alienation. Pretty informative. Good luck. Sorry to hear you are in that sitch, it is unfair.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Around here, you wouldn't have any choice but to pay child support, regardless of whether you get access to your child or not. Two totally separate issues, and it's not fair to punish the child for the decisions of an adult. Kinda sucks, but that's the way it works.

Pursue the access separately, and try to get your rights re-instated. If she continues, maybe you'd have grounds to get primary custody, and she'd be the on trying to get access.

I do wonder, though... What would her story be?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

PBear said:


> Around here, you wouldn't have any choice but to pay child support, regardless of whether you get access to your child or not. Two totally separate issues, and it's not fair to punish the child for the decisions of an adult. Kinda sucks, but that's the way it works.
> 
> Pursue the access separately, and try to get your rights re-instated. If she continues, maybe you'd have grounds to get primary custody, and she'd be the on trying to get access.
> 
> ...


Paying child support isn't an issue, this is paid all the time as per the law here. 
It's when the ex sends a message and writes
'Your son wants to play xxx sport, he wants you to buy him all his gear'

I have a Hearing for Custody in december, wahoooo.

Can't wait to see what her argument is going to be...


----------



## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

My WS left on 9/26, he moved 6 hours away and only saw the twins once on Halloween for 2 1/2 hours while he came back to get the rest of his things. He started a job mid november, and as of today has paid nothing in support, childcare, etc. He owes me over $2500.00 so far. Yet this is the first weekend he has $ to drive down and see the kids and (yes stupid me) will let him stay here with them for the weekend. 

See it's not about the money, its about the kids happiness. My biggest disappointment even bigger then the affair was that he moved 6 hours away from his little girls. 

I wish you luck, just know one day your son will know the truth, trust me he will!


----------

