# Items still in house and getting them out



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I figure after our next court hearing in two weeks that my stbxw will want her stuff so I can finally get the rest of it out of here.

While in the beginning she clear-cut rooms I still have a ton of her stuff here. I have a great deal of it packed ready to leave, she is kind of a hoarder so right now our entire 3 car garage is packed tight with boxes, cant even get a car in it anymore been that way for months. 

Last time she was actually inside the house was May. After all this time for me it kind of feels like an invasion for her to just walk in one day and start going thru rooms. Part of why I have so much packed for her to get it gone fast. Sure every couple have had to face this at some point but Im trying to think or be prepared for making this as least stressful as I can. 

Also not sure what to expect out of her, once she finally comes back here to retrieve stuff. Her pets are still here and she hasn't asked how they are doing or seen them since May. All of her animals are elderly now 15 year old husky, 22 year old cat, 17 year old cat. Now she has shown no interest in caring for them, if she wants them I wont fight her, that's not the issue.

I guess I am just looking for some experiences with the final moving out, what to expect or not expect. In an ideal world I would just get a couple of the big trailers from work, load them up, drop them off somewhere and give her a week to clean them out but it wont work that simple I know. But if she expect just to drop by and use her car to move it will take her weeks, not kidding and I cant deal with that much stress.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just keep packing her stuff so you can keep her out of your house.

If you can afford it, rent a storage bin and move all her stuff there. Pay for 1-2 months and give her the key.

This way you have some control over your own home and what goes on in it.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I cant legally remove anything from the property without both parties consenting. I thought about the storage facility but I cant do that unfortunately. That's why I filled the garage. When I put everything out there months ago, I figured she would get those loads picked up and then I would just fill it up again.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I would just cart it to wherever she is and hand it over with a big friendly happy smile
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I would suggest that you give her a deadline to move it all out. Make sure she knows approximately how much there is to move, and suggest that she rent a big-ass U-Haul and hire some movers (or find some friends to help her). 

Let her know that if she doesn't have it all gone by your deadline that you're going to start pitching her stuff.

If, say a week before the deadline, she hasn't made any clear plans or started moving boxes, remind her that you're going to throw it away by the deadline.

I wouldn't actually throw it away, though -- there are charities that will come take stuff, so I would see if you can find one who will cart it away for free.

That's what I would do it I was in your shoes. It's a PITA packing up your Ex's stuff. I know -- my STBXH moved out and left EVERYTHING. I ended up having to pack it all up myself and moved it to a storage unit just to reclaim the space as my own. Everyone said that I was being too nice, but it was pretty cathartic for me. Although making multiple trips to the storage unit - which is 25 minutes away was a serious PITA. Made the last trip (I hope!) tonight. Glad to have that over with


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Giving her ultimatums to have it removed would be an empty threat on my part. The judge in our case is the only one who can give dates as far as that is concerned. 

Part of this ridiculous system we have for divorce. She wants the junk, made that very clear over and over. She has got no where to go with it which is why I am sure its still sitting here. I would love to drop if off where she lives but I don't even know where she is living after the boytoy tossed her and she refused to tell anyone apparently. 

All I can do at our next hearing is implore the judge to set a deadline which I think he will do this next hearing. I have two 40 foot fifth wheel trailers at work and using both should hold most of whats left here. Like I said she is a hoarder. Its not like we are talking about a couple of pick-up truck loads. I just want the stuff gone, to me its all worthless junk but anyway to her its precious cargo. 

She will have to come here to retrieve it all. Im more concerned its going to turn into some emotional blow-up since she has been so vigilant not to deal with anything like the dogs, house, me etc.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I am in similar situtation. STBXH left with only a luggage. I packed half a garage worth of stuff for him and he did pick it up. However, he left all the bigger stuff behind that he said he wanted (i.e. tools, grill, freezer, and etc.). When I asked him, when he can have it all moved. He yelled "Do not pressure me to give you a date because you will never get one. I am one person with one car so it will take time." Hmmmm....guess he have never heard of U-haul or movers.

Now that the divorce petition and temp. order is in place, I am stuck with all those items as well.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WTF is up with people and their sh!t??? If you want the crap so badly, take it away! Deal with it!

My STBXH didn't get ALL his stuff back - there were some nice wine glasses and a toaster that mysteriously broke. It must have been immaculate destruction. I don't know what happened


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I forgot to mentioned that I am holding his wine collection because that is worth too much to give to him prior to divorce settlement. 700+ bottles of wines that he collected and I am the one that caused him to want to drink himself to death. :rofl:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

gigi888 said:


> I forgot to mentioned that I am holding his wine collection because that is worth too much to give to him prior to divorce settlement. 700+ bottles of wines that he collected and I am the one that caused him to want to drink himself to death. :rofl:


But wait, isn't that how the divorce blame game is supposed to go? Not only do you have to hold on to his stuff, but he expects you to own his problems, too?


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Of course, it is always our fault. They are so perfect that they can do nothing wrong.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

honcho said:


> I cant legally remove anything from the property without both parties consenting. I thought about the storage facility but I cant do that unfortunately. That's why I filled the garage. When I put everything out there months ago, I figured she would get those loads picked up and then I would just fill it up again.


I'm curious about this. 

You might want to check with your attorney. Moving things to a storage facility that you rent might be acceptable since it's technically just moving it from one place that is yours to another place that is yours.

Perhaps you can run this by an attorney?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MissFroggie said:


> That's what I thought too Elegirl, but thought he must have checked it out. Maybe it needs clarifying though and perhaps *doesn't mean he can't get it out of his way, just can't get rid of it*.


That's my interpretation of what is required once a divorce is filed...


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> MissFroggie said:
> 
> 
> > That's what I thought too Elegirl, but thought he must have checked it out. Maybe it needs clarifying though and perhaps *doesn't mean he can't get it out of his way, just can't get rid of it.*
> ...


My thoughts as well. As long as she has a key to the storage unit, she still has access to it -- it's just not in his space anymore.

This is what I did with my STBXH's stuff, albeit while we were separated and before any paperwork was filed, so there weren't lawyers and judges and red tape to contend with. But it worked well for us. We signed all the paperwork this weekend, and I'm filing this week, but I still have a key so I can continue to move into the unit anything else I find that belongs to him.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Although, it just occurred to me -- the size of unit he'll need will be massive, considering how much stuff there is. It might be prohibitively expensive.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Well with mine, he did not want to spend money on a big storage so he wanted me to pay him for all the stuff that he have no room for. Of course I refused.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Once it got into our court system me moving anything off the property became impossible. I wouldnt have a problem spending the cash on the storage facility, its a small price compared to the rest of this fiasco.

The main problem is that even after all these months our divorce is basically the same point it was the day she filed. She abandoned the domicile and while I have residence of the home its still technically hers also because of the community prop laws here etc. So while its my home now, its still ours and till the settlement and I buy her half out get her name off deed she does have the "legal right" to use it as a storage facility for lack of a better way to put it. 

In theory even now she can decide she wants the house and fight me in court for it, she would have to buy my equity out and of course since nothing has gone the way it should we havent even agreed on a value of the home. I have no great attachment to the house myself. My fallback posiiton is we just put it up for sale and whatever it sells for it sells for. If she doesnt touch my retirement, I would walk away from my equity in house she can have it. Thats the joys of this moronic community prop rules. As longs the balance sheet is a 50/50 split the courts dont seem to care how the numbers get there.

Today if she called and said she wants to come by the home and look around, legally I cant even deny her that. She cant deny me being there either. At some point she is going to access the home to retrieve the junk, shortly I hope. I am wondering more about the emotional rollercoaster its going to create since she has worked so hard to avoid anything and everything to do with our life. I know for myself when she first started hauling stuff out of house before she filed, it tore me up inside watching her pack items. It really bothered me. Now its just her grabbing boxes since she is packed. 

Gigi, I will gladly trade you 3000 teddy bears for your 700 bottles of wine, Ill even throw in the 600 vhs tapes she has still here.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Honcho - I have a question regarding how you are determine the house value. This is one that I been unsure about. We bought the house less than 6 months ago. STBXH want to add over $50K of appreciation because we got a "good deal." I been asking around and everyone's answer is a bit different so wondering how you are handling it.

Sure, you can have all the wine you want if you can come and grab it..LOL


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I had 3 different real estate agents give me an appraisal to list the home. I explained it was a divorce situation, asked to give me a list price on home, what the home would realistically sell for after offers etc. And a final after closings costs a net number. I informed the agents that given the situation that the house is completely as is, not interested in setting a price high for carpet allowances or things like that. I needed a real this is what it would sell for number the way it sits now. 

Between the 3 of them there was only a difference of 4000 from high to low. After getting the numbers all of them stated they would defend there numbers in court if I needed them to. 

I am basing my offer on the net number because if we have to sell the home to settle the issue that is what will be left to divide. Her number of course is much higher and if she wants the house we can use her number and pay me my equity. Good for me, she only submitted the property tax value which holds no water in a court. 

Our local housing market is a buyers market as our large local industry in town closed and half the town is now for sale. I don't love the house, would like to keep it but if we cant agree on a value whatever it sells for it sells for. Finding a place to live is easy around here. 

You purchased 6 months ago, good deal or not I doubt it magically increased in value 50 grand as you know.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Thanks for the advise! I will start calling agent around and see what the real value is. I don't think it went up that much because we have not done any improvement. Instead, he have made more damages while hanging pictures on the wall. There are several places where there is a big hole because he did not use the correct hanging nails when hanging his picture.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

So I have a settlement hearing tomorrow, was hoping that one of the items that can be addressed was the pile of "stuff" in the house.

Today I get a letter from her lawyer stating that now she is interested in having the house now and would I please start looking for somewhere to go? 

She vacated the premesis back in March and signed off habitation rights during our temp order hearing. She has removed her name off the utilities, shut off the cable and internet at one point just to get her name off the bills

Now she wants the house after ranting and raving for months that I am going to buy her out. Boy divorce is fun! 

My attorney couldn't stop laughing at the joke of a letter I received, she stands a HUGE uphill battle to win the house in court if that is her choice. She has no full time job to pay a mortgage, no bank would ever finance her deal to buy me out. 

Other than more attorney fees and making the fiasco continue what do they hope to accomplish? For the right deal I would let her have the house but yet again, they wont present ANY offer. Changing the complete dynamic of our split at the last minute. Its the stupid play.......again

After knowing about this hearing for 5 weeks, now today she tells the court she cant make it tomorrow because she has to work. So they excuse her from the proceedings. Unbelievable


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Is she expecting support from you to make the house payments?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Now I just get word, that her lawyer got the whole settlement meeting cancelled. Exactly how will this ever end when her side refuses to talk and the court system keeps humoring this type of nonsense. 

So I guess the sea of boxes filling the rooms of my home will just slowly become permanent fixtures. Christmas is coming, maybe I will just hang christmas lights off the boxes....


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

@gigi : holes in drywall are a cosmetic issue, not a structural one. It's not going to take much time or cost to fix those.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Guess this is more of a message to Gigi than anyone else. You had asked me about the home value question. 

The info that I gave her attorney with the 3 different estimates he didn't try and dispute or fight for a higher value at all. She suddenly wants the home now after all these months but at least by her attorney using my numbers for buyouts they completely abandoned there higher value without any dispute. Also by making me an offer to get me out of house using my numbers he cant turn around in court and try to use a higher number, they basically forfeited contesting the value the moment they made any offer based off my numbers.

My numbers were quite a bit lower than what they were first looking for but it is what the market value of the house is. Its the only thing they haven't put up a fight about. She also stands hardly any chance at this point of actually fighting in court to win the house, she vacated it, signed off many rights in temp order, removed her name off all bills associated with the home. For the right deal I will let her have the home.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

To tell you the truth, I stopped trying to find out the value of the house for now. Every week something stupid comes up and I am sticking to my NC plan. Last week, he called his lawyer accussing me of not returning his passport which he never asked for. This week, he emailed me to ask me how to deal with an item that was discussed on the temp order.

My lawyer have send request for discovery and I still have not gotten any request from his end. I am just in a waiting game for now.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Its funny, I look at the date I started this posting and I cant believe all these months later the situation is exactly the same as it was. 

Ive had not contact from my stbx. My lawyer requested several times to arrange dates etc to retrieve the items and neither she nor her lawyer have responded. Then last Saturday very early in the morning I am awakened by the police pounding on my door. 

At the crack of dawn the police tell me she wants to retrieve some of her possessions. I ask them for paperwork assuming this must be a legal visit since they were there. They tell me they have none that this was a courtesy to her. I inform them they do now have a problem since they have no authority without a court order.

They immediately agree and tell me if I want them to leave they will do so, I am under no obligation to do anything. I explain that this has been going on for a year now and I get those always great words…”that’s not what she told us” . So I filled them in on the rest of the story. They again tell me they will leave if I want them to. I said I would love to have you leave just to prove a point but I want the junk gone more. Really why would I fight about crap I have been begging to have picked up? 

I open up the garage door and tell them they can start on that pile. She at no time ever left her car or set foot on the property. Just stayed parked on the road while her sister and two elderly people I have never seen before packed up 2 pickup trucks and a trailer. I spent the time talking to the sheriffs standing in my driveway. Since one of the officers xw had the same lawyer as my stbx we could swap war stories I guess. They get most of the junk out of the garage and they have no more room for anything else. I tell her sister that its about 25% of the junk that needs to leave the house and her sister just about blew a gasket. 

Asked the officers what happens now, are they coming back, are we done its her dog and pony show. The officers both say well we aren’t coming back and we will inform dispatch not to send anyone else out if requested under these circumstances again. 

So she got a pile of junk which I am thrilled to see gone. I guess she can claim some sort of victory for her early morning raid if that makes her happy but doing it this way was a one time shot and she certainly didn’t capitalize on it. No one at any point even asked to go inside of the house. Other than a drama queen wanting a scene I cant figure it out. Well at least I have room again to fill the garage up one more time. 

These are the joys of divorce even when both parties agree, she wants her stuff and I want it gone it needs to be a battle for some reason….


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

Funny stuff, you have a talent for writing. I'm 2 years from when ex moved out, 1 year divorced and still have a huge pile of her stuff in my basement, and in the marital bedroom where she brought her ashle* *adison hookups. I just love spending time in there. 

Next month, a makeover for that room is planned along with a yard sale. She left some things with value, apparently no longer interested in them, maybe she thinks she might move back in. Bought her out last month, she's off the deed, so I guess it's all mine.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

The judge would probably throw the book at you but the driveway is still the property same as the garage.

Good luck brother, your situation would make my head explode.

Stretch


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

That is where she retrieved the last of her clothes back last June. 13 garbage bags full of clothes. She texted me wanting her shorts out of the house told her everything remaining was packed and to come get it and it would be in the driveway.

It took her 3 weeks to finally retrieve the piles from driveway, guess she didn't need the shorts that bad. I figured it was the easiest way just put in driveway and no contact between us. 

Well the garage is full again with the next load. Lets hope it doesn't take her 8 months again to pick it up.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Has she stabilized in terms of her mental health?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Well completely stabilized as far as being completely crazy then yes she has. The reality of it is she has gotten worse not only with her actions but her paranoia. 

Her “therapist” even went so far as to send a letter to the judge in our divorce with her delusions and now of course claiming abuse on top of everything else. She stated my stbx has moved 6 times since last July because she fears that I find out where she lives etc, its was filled with just plain paranoia and make believe all of which never happened.

It was like reading science fiction. I thought about trying to write it out on this site and tried a couple of times but it just sounds so unbelievable. My lawyer has been doing divorce for almost 30 years and says my stbx is now in his top 5 for irrational behavior to put it nicely. 

And the real fun part is that in my state its completely no fault so the letter her therapist sent and the judge read is inadmissible and he shouldn’t have so now he is recusing himself and a new judge will need to be assigned which means another delay……


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

So in my never ending odyssey called my divorce, we had a settlement conference which was supposed to be a deposition hearing. That whole thing didn’t make sense but my lawyer thought it the best politically correct avenue to go and maybe, just maybe we could get an agreement.

Her attorney starts off telling me she has become a complete loose cannon, she isn’t listening to anything he is saying and is completely unpredictable in her actions. Really it’s taken him a year to come to this revelation. He then gives me a proposal she wants and guess what? She now wants the house again. Yes the person who is so terrified I will find out where she is living and two weeks ago has the morning raid to retrieve her junk now wants me to move out so she can move back in.

Ok we have played this game a couple of times already and now we are back on it? I would like to say I am surprised but I just couldn’t help but to start laughing. She was also according to her lawyer gracious enough to offer me two weeks to vacate. I guess the lease must be up on her apartment or something is all I can figure..

Her attorney also now is telling me that I have 40,000, yes 40,000 rounds of ammo stockpiled in the house and I have over 8000 worth of rare and exotic fish. I had no idea a pair of clownfish that I paid 40 bucks for could ever be worth that much money. I have not such ammunition stockpile; it doesn’t exist and never has. 

How can anyone deal with such utter lunacy? I politely declined the offer, not because I care to keep the house that much but the offer was just so well stupid.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Unbelievable. Your concern for her health must now, sadly, have fallen by the wayside. At least she has not become a street lady. You must feel lonely, having to wait and wait. You help others on TAM and I am sure they assume you just had/have ordinary WW.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

honcho said:


> So in my never ending odyssey called my divorce, we had a settlement conference which was supposed to be a deposition hearing. That whole thing didn’t make sense but my lawyer thought it the best politically correct avenue to go and maybe, just maybe we could get an agreement.
> 
> Her attorney starts off telling me she has become a complete loose cannon, she isn’t listening to anything he is saying and is completely unpredictable in her actions. Really it’s taken him a year to come to this revelation. He then gives me a proposal she wants and guess what? She now wants the house again. Yes the person who is so terrified I will find out where she is living and two weeks ago has the morning raid to retrieve her junk now wants me to move out so she can move back in.
> 
> ...


Iknow that combination of 40,000 rounds and tropical fish...
The sky is the limit.:crazy:
She will go through another lawyer.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Nothing about my WS spouse was ever ordinary. We all marry what we think is the “special one” well I got that!!! Insert your own jokes here. 

At one point she was living in her car. I don’t feel lonely per se, obviously at times I do but more how the whole ordeal just wears on you. You cant really plan for the future, the whole life on hold thing and how the process of divorce takes on a life of its own. 

For her it seems that this is all she has now. Deep down I think if I would have accepted the crazy offer presented to me she would have changed her mind just to continue the drama. 

I feel her attorney would love to bail out but he is in too deep, he put her on the easy pay plan and she has a large bill looming at some point. He needs end game to get his money.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I really wish there was better recourse for people in your sitch, honcho. It's not fair that you're stuck in limbo because your STBXW is coca loca. You've been reasonable, you've been patient, you should be able to move on.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

So in my nightmare wonderland called divorce, A hearing was scheduled for today to get ready for final hearing next week. She set one foot in the conference room and started screaming, ranting and raving and then runs out of the building. 

The judge in his infinite wisdom decides to then cancel our final hearing date for next week as she is having “issues”. So the hope of the end has once again been taken away. This is now delay number 5 for those keeping score at home.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Oy vey.


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