# Stay at home mom, lost, lonely and terrified



## Jinny90 (Mar 15, 2021)

I’ve been with my husband since I was fifteen. I’m thirty now. He is the only person I’ve ever made love to. For many many years now I’ve always felt a feeling of detachment. He’s often cold calloused and distant. I’ve caught him openly interested in other women and just over all feel that I’m not being loved the way my heart desires to be loved. I frequently feel like an old piece of furniture. And constantly feel like I’m walking on egg shells. I have a ball constantly lodged in the pit of my stomach when he is around. He is quite grumpy, easily irritated and never talks to me. I don’t know how to make him smile he often looks at me as though I’m an insect of sorts that is simply a bother. I am a stay at home mom and often contemplate divorce. Frequently I fantasize about A life he’s not in. One where maybe I am happy and someone loves me. I go out of my way to take care of our home and family and take the utmost care of my appearance. It doesn’t matter though he still looks right through me. I just want to be loved. I feel that maybe I should Leave before any more time goes on. But I’ve never been brave and have been out of work for six years now. What is my first step. How do I survive ? And should I move on ? I’m just so lost and long to feel appreciated, wanted... has anyone experienced this type of thing before ? How did u cope ? What did u do?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Have you ever spoken to him about your feelings?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Start doing the 180 on him, don't be so available to him. See if that enables a discussion to start. If he doesn't bother or care, then it might be time to start getting your ducks in a row. He could well be cheating on you.
Get a good detective or start observing more, his timing in and out, his phone usage etc. Go see a good lawyer. How old are you and how many kids do you have?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

A few steps maybe that can help:
1. TALK to him to discuss all this and find out WHY he acts like this around you (does he act like this with others?)
2. Marriage counseling
3. For YOU, try a book called co-dependent no more -- it may help you get your head around being YOU and not HIS WIFE.
4. You could start the 180 -- that will help YOU detach from him
5. Talk to a few lawyers (bring your financials with you) -- even if you don't decide to divorce, at least this can give you and idea of what D would look like and what your finances, child support/visitation, etc. would look like. That takes away some of the fear of the unknown
6. Start looking into going back to work -- this will help you be more independent from him.
7. Talk with a close friend/family -- your support system can help you also.

Very sorry you are feeling like this..


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

At thirty, you are still very employable...... as someones new bride! 

No one should feel as you do. 

You need to create a one year plan.

First, gain employment, file for divorce, save some money, later move out into a small apartment.

Small steps, eventually conquers a mountain of old cranky memories.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jinny90 said:


> I’ve been with my husband since I was fifteen. I’m thirty now. He is the only person I’ve ever made love to. For many many years now I’ve always felt a feeling of detachment. He’s often cold calloused and distant. I’ve caught him openly interested in other women and just over all feel that I’m not being loved the way my heart desires to be loved. I frequently feel like an old piece of furniture. And constantly feel like I’m walking on egg shells. I have a ball constantly lodged in the pit of my stomach when he is around. He is quite grumpy, easily irritated and never talks to me. I don’t know how to make him smile he often looks at me as though I’m an insect of sorts that is simply a bother. I am a stay at home mom and often contemplate divorce. Frequently I fantasize about A life he’s not in. One where maybe I am happy and someone loves me. I go out of my way to take care of our home and family and take the utmost care of my appearance. It doesn’t matter though he still looks right through me. I just want to be loved. I feel that maybe I should Leave before any more time goes on. But I’ve never been brave and have been out of work for six years now. What is my first step. How do I survive ? And should I move on ? I’m just so lost and long to feel appreciated, wanted... has anyone experienced this type of thing before ? How did u cope ? What did u do?


Well that sounds terrible. I am sorry you feel this way, that is an impossible way to live. 

How old are your kids? Assuming they are not real young I think it's time you start to make yourself independent, meaning maybe get a job but also pursue hobbies. Part of your issue is that you feel like you have no agency in your future. Like you are stuck. Doing what I suggested will give you come confidence and then you will have a better framework to move forward.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

First step is a budget. How much will you need to live on & support your kids? 

Next step is s skills inventory. What do you know how to do? what kinds of jobs do you think you can get & what do they pay? 

Third step is analyze your finances. How will you make money? What programs are out there? What will you do if he doesn't pay CS? 

Fourth step I'd say get a job. You don't want to jump ship until you know you can swim. 

Once you get a job, then go see a lawyer. 

Meanwhile take the other suggestions about how to possibly save your marriage but do all of the above in case it can't be saved


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## Yoni (Feb 7, 2021)

Don't change who you are by the way.
Love is not begging you should know your worth. 
But as a human we are always change.
Our feelings always there and here. 
Don't try changed him either. 
You should think as deep down yourself what make you happy. 

Personally I had to work on with my husband a lot.
First time it was so hard. But in deep down I realized how much I try changed him as well.

Myself also difficult change who am I try changing?
I make a decision love the way he is.


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