# Married 3 Months Wife Considering Annulment



## cisco_ (Jun 12, 2018)

Hi All,

I want to apologize ahead for my long post. We're fairly young, late twenties and early thirties. My W and I have been only married for 3 months been together for 7 years. This is her second marriage w/ 2 kids from her previous. I have no kids of my own but consider and care for her kids like if they are my own. We had a pretty amazing relationship from the start and I was happier than I ever been before. We were inseparable for the first few years we were dating and had our ups and downs (what couple doesn't right?). From the beginning of us dating I knew she was the one and I still do, I want to build our future together and be the husband she always wanted. 

Trouble started to happen a couple years ago when I had this gut feeling something wasn't right. I went through her phone and found an inappropriate text she sent to her ex. She got defensive and said that was how her and her ex (father of her kids) joked around. I wasn't ok with that, and she acknowledged her faults and apologized and made sure she stopped all those types of text messages (which she did). She spent the next year and half showing me how sorry she was and showed me unconditional love, which she did and we grew stronger and more attached to one another. I believe that she would never hurt me that way again and devoted all of her to me. We had talks about getting married and even went ring shopping. We went to go look at rings together so I could know what size and style ring she wanted.

Fast forward a couple months later, I got off work early to go to a jewelry store and couple hours later I came home with the ring she always dreamed of. I emptied my savings so she could have the ring she feel in love with. I had the ring stowed away for a few months so I could think of a perfect way to propose to her and at the same time save up more money so I could carry out my proposal. Also i wanted to propose after my cousin who her now husband was thinking of popping the question first. I didn't want to steal their spotlight. Well, that didn't plan out how i wanted it to be because we had a huge falling out one day and she said that "I didn't love her", I wanted to show her how much i loved her by proposing. We were engaged for 18 months and for that 18 months things were good, we were happy and she was still showing me unconditional love.

Well, this is where it was my fault. I was offered a pretty great opportunity to make a lot more money, but the only catch was the commute (1.5-2) hour commute due to LA traffic. We discussed our concerns and she was concerned that would take a toll on our relationship. I reassured her that it would not and i would be able to do the commute because i've done it before (single). I was dead wrong and i regret taking the position because during our 18 month engagement i was drained and worn out due to the long hour at work and long commute. It sucked the life out of me and I completely changed, i wasn't the person she was in love with. I was miserable, i was going through the motions of life and failed to give her the unconditional love i gave her. She brought this up to me saying that i looked tired, i didn't show her affection and that the kids are aware of me being different.

I was always tired and irritable and every time she wanted to address it and made me happy i would push her away because i didn't want to talk about it. I failed to see what was most important to me and what made me happy. Happiness was right in front of me all this time showing me love, attention, and affection. The only reason i took this job was to provide a better life for my family and pay for our wedding. I was blinded by my self goal not thinking about my W. She was so good to me and even though i was there physically and not mentally she still stood by myside. She even offered to relocate the family closer to my job so it could ease my commute. I shot her down, because her support system is where we live and i didn't want to relocate the kids to another school district. The kids are doing so well at their school, and i didnt want to be the reason they had to relocate.

A couple weeks before our wedding we had another big falling out, this time i brought up the text message from a couple years ago. I'll admit I had insecurity issues with her ex because of this and had a hard time letting go. She was so fed up with it and considered not going through with the wedding. We met with our officiant for pre-martial counselling and he made it clear to me in a way for me to let go and heal from the hurt that was caused. This pre-martial counselling was for me and not my W. We go through with the marriage and had our big beautiful wedding.

Things were great for the first month of our marriage, but I fell back to my old routine. I was again going through the motions of life. Drained from the commute, my W brought it up once more that I was being my old irritable self. I didn't fight with her, i acknowledged that i was indeed tired. But, things felt normal, we had normal conversations, intimate, texting throughout the day. It wasn't until after a weekend in San Diego with my W and few friends i looked at her and thought to myself that I love this woman. She is the greatest gift I've ever received and wanted to change to be the person she fell in love with. 

I wanted to change, i started putting my family first. I'm currently looking for a job closer to home, so i can make it to the kids school activities and soccer and gymnastics practices. I told my boss that i'm considering leaving and he was so great to support me and said that family comes first and allowed me to leave early whenever i needed to attend award ceremonies and practices. I felt this was when I needed to change and had a new perspective on life, i was more up beat and happy and feel i'm back to my old self. This 2 hour commute strangly doesn't drain me anymore.

I started doing things my old self did, send her flowers, started posting photos of us on social media again, packing lunches for her and the kids and leaving love notes for everyone. I guess this sudden change weirded her out. She started being distant and saying that she doesn't know how to take it. I asked if I've pushed her away by changing, she said she doesn't know and she was very angry and brought up "This is the person I've been waiting for for the past 2 years, and now that he's here i don't know what to think?". She said that i'm a great person, great father and that she loves me but not in love with me. I guess i freaked out a little because she said she wasn't in love with me anymore and so i keep smothering her with all the little gestures i've been doing. Which probably pushed her away even further, and one day she snapped and said she questioned if we rushed into marriage or should've even got married and thought about annulment.

Things have been ok for the past wee and she is saying "I love you" and even calling me "Baby, babe". I've been doing the same things, minus sending her flowers and things seem to be ok. I still question if she was serious about the annulment or if she's still in love with me. I've noticed she doesn't reach out to touch me and that she isn't intimate with me still. I've the one reaching out for sex, reaching out to touch her, hug her, hold her hand. I know that i need to show her that i'm changed and back to my old self how ever i'm still confused if it's too late. If shes falling out of love for me, or it is still so soon. Its only been a month now but i do see some progress of her opening up to me again. 

I love her so much, i can't stand thinking that i will lose her and the kids. Knowing that these kids aren't mine i'll never get to see them again which breaks my heart. I know my mistakes by pushing her away when she showed my unconditional love was a horrible thing to do. I hurt her badly. I want her to know that i will never do that again and will always put her and the kids first. No amount of money will put me in that state ever again. I just need to know if i'm overly thinking about our relationship or if things will work itself out. Also one of her social media accounts she changed her last initial back to her madden name (am i over thinking this?).

Thank you for reading and again apologize for the long post.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Cisco,

You wrote, *and that she loves me but not in love with me.*

Classic indication she is in an affair could be emotional even, how does he she know she is not in love with you? Because she is in love with someone else. 

Go silent and check the phone bill, snoop as much as you can.

When your W was messaging her exH did you inform the exHs' wife or SO?

Tamat


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

The I love you but I'm not in love you is telling.

Sorry you're here.

I would not bear myself up too much for trying to provide for your family. My brother and barely seen our dad, but our mom never made feel bad about it.

Good luck 

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

classic symptoms of both an affair and a betrayed spouse exhibiting betrayed spouse syndrome.

You're blaming everything on yourself, proclaiming your never-ending love for her; she's telling you she's not in love with you and getting "weirded out" by you. It's a recipe for disaster. 

Drop her. She's not marriage material. WHY? She's a cheater. Plain and simple. AND, she doesn't love you. She told you so. You won't listen.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Hmmm, 6.5 years together than marriage, is that math about right?

Just wondering in terms of the deciding on taking the step towards marriage. Was it a mutual thing. Did you have to push for that, did she push for that? 

If that seemed a little harder than normal on your end, that might say a lot too.


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## cisco_ (Jun 12, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> Hmmm, 6.5 years together than marriage, is that math about right?
> 
> Just wondering in terms of the deciding on taking the step towards marriage. Was it a mutual thing. Did you have to push for that, did she push for that?
> 
> If that seemed a little harder than normal on your end, that might say a lot too.


It was mutual in a way we didn't want to rush into it too soon. The kids had already gone through D with their mom and dad and didn't want to force anything on them so suddenly. She wanted to slowly introduce me to the kids and I respected that and didn't want to force myself into their lives until the kids were ready.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Ok, re-reading your post and catching up on things I glanced over before.

"I started doing things my old self did, send her flowers, started posting photos of us on social media again, packing lunches for her and the kids and leaving love notes for everyone. I guess this sudden change weirded her out. She started being distant and saying that she doesn't know how to take it. I asked if I've pushed her away by changing, she said she doesn't know and she was very angry and brought up "This is the person I've been waiting for for the past 2 years, and now that he's here i don't know what to think?". She said that i'm a great person, great father and that she loves me but not in love with me. I guess i freaked out a little because she said she wasn't in love with me anymore and so i keep smothering her with all the little gestures i've been doing. Which probably pushed her away even further, and one day she snapped and said she questioned if we rushed into marriage or should've even got married and thought about annulment."

Almost WORD for WORD, so many of these things, my wife of 14 years said to me (as she was having an affair). 

You take responsibility for the job and it's toll which is good but here's the thing. Only a few months into the actual marriage and she is ready to call it a day? It would be one thing if you did this for 3 years and then changed into super-husband for a week, that would be something a wife should be guarded about but after a few months of marriage and you started to turn the tide? 

I'm sorry but unfortunately it looks like she has something else on her mind and the changes you are making are upsetting her because it conflicts with her plans to do what she had decided to do. The timing of some of this stuff doesn't add up. Keep doing what you are doing but stay vigilant and start to look for signs of what the ulterior motive behind her actions are.


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## cisco_ (Jun 12, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> Ok, re-reading your post and catching up on things I glanced over before.
> 
> "I started doing things my old self did, send her flowers, started posting photos of us on social media again, packing lunches for her and the kids and leaving love notes for everyone. I guess this sudden change weirded her out. She started being distant and saying that she doesn't know how to take it. I asked if I've pushed her away by changing, she said she doesn't know and she was very angry and brought up "This is the person I've been waiting for for the past 2 years, and now that he's here i don't know what to think?". She said that i'm a great person, great father and that she loves me but not in love with me. I guess i freaked out a little because she said she wasn't in love with me anymore and so i keep smothering her with all the little gestures i've been doing. Which probably pushed her away even further, and one day she snapped and said she questioned if we rushed into marriage or should've even got married and thought about annulment."
> 
> ...



Are you and your wife still together? If so how did you move past it and did she fall back in love with you? What did you you have to do as couples to work it all out to make the marriage work?


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

stillfightingforus is (hopefully) only 5 days away from freeing himself for his cheating wife!

By the way, SFFU, hope you are well.



As for my advice to you, I’m with everyone else in suspecting an affair, either emotional or physical. 

You are only 3 months into marriage and dealing with this???? You are still in honeymoon stage and this is going on? 

Be careful and start investigating EVERYTHING, especially any connection with the ex!

Good luck


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

cisco_ said:


> Are you and your wife still together? If so how did you move past it and did she fall back in love with you? What did you you have to do as couples to work it all out to make the marriage work?


SUPER LONG STORY but will try to condense;

I find out she was having at least an EA with someone she almost left me for back in 2009, found out correspondence by accident on June 12th (1 year ago, from yesterday)

Next few days was her re-assuring me but still she was so sad she was going to lose her 'friend'

Didn't take long, even after a week, things started not to feel right and after two weeks it was hard for her to say she loved me and she thought she might be better off living alone. This basically started a 5-6 month process of me fighting like Hell for the marriage and being everything I could be and her moving further and further away from me. It just got progressively worse, that she didn't have the spark anymore, we weren't compatible. The blame shifting, gaslighting and total re-write of our marriage history had commenced and life became Hell for me. But all while this is happening she is telling everyone that there's no one else and she swore to me that it wasn't 'him', they were just friends ... that it was me, it was us that was the issue. I didn't know what to believe because she was so good at manipulation but I still fought on, couldn't afford to waver because of my kids (thank God), so that kept me honest in a way but I still pressed on little by little trying to find out the real truth.

6 Months after DDay to the day on December 12th, I had found out everything. The affair never stopped, it just went more secretive and more intense as it went on, even them looking at houses and talking about marriage just a few months into the re-vived affair (he's married, still no intention of leaving his wife, according to what he tells his wife). When I busted it all open in late December, I still gave her a last shot with everything on the line and after two weeks of thinking and talks with our Priest, she decided to press on with Divorce anyway. A few weeks after that when the coast was clear, they resumed the affair, even more intense than before. It got busted open again by his wife in March but to be honest, although I stopped being Mr. PI after that last incident, I believe they are still carrying on. She probably believing what he is feeding her, that he will leave his wife and him telling his wife, that my STBXW meant nothing to him.

Our Divorce is supposed to be final next week but we will see.

I think there's a big enough difference between a 'walk away wife' and a 'wayward' wife but many similarities as well. The Wayward Wife only sees the negatives, has been blinded by the feel good chemicals and any decision that is made, even if illogical, becomes logical and rationalized, justified in their own mind ... even if it seems crazy to most of the outside world. The Walk Away Wife doesn't have this type of 'blindness' but is resistant to believe in change after years of resentment, that's why the actions and the changes have to be in place for a while to take any effect. The biggest similarity however, is this. For whatever reason, once they lose that spark on their end, weather they are in the midst of an affair or just it burned out over time, even in when they are not cheating. It's like climbing Everest to get that love back and it rarely does, at least not anytime in the near future and by then one or both the the former partners have usually found someone and moved on.

You may have a Walk Away Wife but the sequence just seems odd, that after the 3 months, she is ready to throw in the towel. Seems to have happened quick and you responded quickly in my book, unless she thought everything would be solved as soon as you got married. Something is not right here, especially with the things she is saying.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

"Unconditional love" is a synonym for blinded to reality. It resides in Never-Never land. It is a fantasy. If you believe in it, you are doomed. 

You have never had a real relationship nor marriage.

Time to bail.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DOn't consider an anullment. GET IT DONE.

Your "wife" has been in love with another man all this time. Why you haven't ended this, is beyond reason.

You don't love her. You love who you wish and hoped she was. She's not a good person. She's not only betrayed you, but she is also betraying another person by breaking up that person's marriage. She is clearly a SELFISH, low person who has zero conscience.

Every day you fail to see an attorney is a wasted day of your life.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I think her world view on partnership is very different from yours. She was and still is looking for baby daddy. She wasn't looking for a true life partner. While you dated for years, she kept up the appearances of coupling. But now that she got the "brass ring", she is starting to become the "room mate". You guys are very young. If she isn't initiating intimacy or sex....She is with someone else. Or atleast, she is grooming for someone else. 

I feel that when a partner gives the ILYBNILWY speech, the other partner ends up being the plan B. While thats great for baby momma, it ain't so good for the OP that has been reduced into being a financial provider for kids and not a loving equal.

get it annuled. She is likely a "Forever-dater". Dating is the only option with this woman. And for heaven's sake...Do not get pregnant or adopt her kids. You will lose your mind and your bank account on it! Guaranteed.


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