# How to find a counselor



## k.m

I briefly saw a counselor in my mid-20's, due to stresses in my relationship with my then-boyfriend.

After decades, I have been putting off going again. I know I need it BAD. I have stresses in my marriage, now -- with the same guy (my ''then-boyfriend" becoming my "now-husband").

I come from a highly dysfunctional family. I do not know how to be a non-f***ed up person. I do not know what a good marriage looks like.

I would love to think I could use CBT -- fast, short, to-the-point. I realize that I have enough issues to keep me talking, however, for years.

I wonder if I want to look for a potentially-sympathetic female counselor, or a male counselor who might be able to provide me with insight to the workings of my husband's mind/psyche.

I have insurance, and would like to avail myself of that. I don't want to travel.

I'm putting all these self-imposed restrictions on finding a counselor. I'm still fighting it, for some reason, though I know I need it.

Is there any way to "home counsel" yourself??

I'm just venting. I just don't know how to start. 
K


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## Casa

Usually you can search for counselors on your insurance's website. You can find one close to your area by doing a search with your zip code. You can also do a search for the kind of counselor you want to see.


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## Blanca

k.m said:


> I come from a highly dysfunctional family. I do not know how to be a non-f***ed up person. I do not know what a good marriage looks like.


I know just what you mean. I also came from a dysfunctional family and am a bit on the f***ed up side myself. Im always questioning myself and wondering how to get to 'normal.' Its very confusing on this side of the fence. 

In deciding about going to a counselor, i know how you feel. ive been considering if i should go back to the one i was going to a few months ago. IMO counselors help if you already have a clue what's going on. if you dont have a clue, they make it worse. I did A LOT of learning on my own. counseling is a supplement to my own learning and i do not rely on it much. but i do rely on it. its important to get feedback in a personal setting with someone that is trying to help you, and someone who will not judge you.


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## Corpuswife

I agree. Print out the list of providers from your insurance company. Ask around from friends or family, if they have any recommendations. See if those providers are listed on your insurance.

If you don't want to ask for referrrals. Call and speak to a few counselors and tell them generally what is going on and how they treat (CBT, behaviorial, etc). 

Don't be afraid to change counselors if you feel like personality wise you won't hit it off, after a few sessions.

Remember that counseling is a process that takes work on your part. It can be uncomfortable at times. Keep your appointments, if possible, as this is a process that takes time. There are no miracle cures.


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## Sufficiently Breathless

I just went to my regular family doctor, and told her what was going on, she recommended a therapist to me, that my insurance covered.. you could try that route 

SB


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## k.m

I had hoped there might be a better way to "whittle the list down" to the GOOD (or, at least, appropriate) counselors but I have already figured out who is nearby and takes my insurance, so I'll start with that.

My next question: can marriage counseling ever work if only one partner goes? I don't think he will (he seems surprised when I talk about problems, even though we have periods of screaming or not communicating, so I don't know how he can be surprised) - and I realize that I really need to fix MYSELF for my own sake before I worry about fixing our marriage. But the majority of what I talk about, in counseling, with be with an eye toward the goal of improving my marriage. 

Anyone ever gone to counseling ALONE, for the purpose of helping the marriage, and actually had it WORK?


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## Blanca

k.m said:


> Anyone ever gone to counseling ALONE, for the purpose of helping the marriage, and actually had it WORK?


I went to counseling alone. My H wouldnt go either. I dont think I'd ever go to marriage counseling. It has worked for me so far. I found that when I changed, my H started to react differently towards me, too. We dont have any of the outlandish and childish fights we used to. we still fight, but its on a healthy level. 

But, my counselor did ask my H to come in for a session and after that he went to his own counselor. He still goes to his own counselor. I dont think the marriage coudl work if it was jsut me working on it.


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## notreadytoquit

I am also trying to figure out how to find a good marriage counsellor. I already checked with insurance. They cover it. There is a long list of them in my area. We are new in the area so we don't really know anyone that well to ask around. The only thing I can think of is asking our family doctor. I have not told my H about the counselling yet but I plan to go by myself if need be. He probably won't agree to it.

The problem with is his strange behavior that almost started overnight(mid December) and he won't tell me what is bothering him.


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## Tranquility Counseling

Helpful advice from a Licensed Therapist who does individual counseling as well as couples counseling. The best way to find a good therapist is through psychologytoday.com or goodtherapy.org these sites check out the credentials of the therapist and also conduct background checks and verify education. When you are searching all you have to do is put in the name of your state , city, zip and whallah.. a list of therapist is available, on the profile of each therapist it states their specialities, prices, what insurance they take. (HINT) look for the ones that have a check mark by them. These are the very best!!! Second bit of advice: Call and talk to the therapist for a few minutes. Find out if you feel like you can talk to this person.. Counseling is GREAT and has many positive outcomes. Dont be afraid to take the first step in making things better in your life and in your relationship.. Thanks Darleena Anderson LPC MHSP NCC


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