# Marriage disaster



## Mystique808

To make a long story short my husband has back problem and got prescribed opioids for his pain and that is where everything started. Well at least that's what I thought. We've moved about 10times in past 5 years and have 3 kids. He's addicted to drugs and has been in prison because of his addiction. He lies uncontrollably about his kids dieing and having to pay funeral expenses which never happened. Lied about his father dieing just made crazy,y lies up to feed his problem. Now I recently found out he never paid rent and now I have to move because of it and at the moment he's in prison. He's a good guy on top of all of this he said if I leave e him he'll kill himself so I haven't been able to leave I'm all he has he has none that will talk to him. I just don't know what to do. He's been in rehab and says he used recently because he was scared about going away to prison. I don't know if he'll ever change and the lies is what gets me. Is he a pathological lier can he stop will he change. I'm getting to tired and old for this. I just want to be happy and not deal with any more crap. Just need help!


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## SpinyNorman

"He's a good guy on top of all of this he said if I leave e him he'll kill himself "

He lies to manipulate people and get what he wants. You need to look out for yourself and the kids. You don't have to hate him or seek revenge but you have to stop letting him you drag down w/ him and that will mean cutting him loose at least until he gets clean.

Wanting to redeem him is admirable but impossible, at least until he gets his stuff together. Like they tell you on the airplane when the oxygen masks drop down, secure your own safety and then try to help others.


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## sunsetmist

Mystique808 said:


> To make a long story short my husband has back problem and got prescribed opioids for his pain and that is where everything started. Well at least that's what I thought. We've moved about 10times in past 5 years and have 3 kids. He's addicted to drugs and has been in prison because of his addiction. He lies uncontrollably about his kids dieing and having to pay funeral expenses which never happened. Lied about his father dieing just made crazy,y lies up to feed his problem. Now I recently found out he never paid rent and now I have to move because of it and at the moment he's in prison. He's a good guy on top of all of this he said if I leave e him he'll kill himself so I haven't been able to leave I'm all he has he has none that will talk to him. I just don't know what to do. He's been in rehab and says he used recently because he was scared about going away to prison. I don't know if he'll ever change and the lies is what gets me. Is he a pathological lier can he stop will he change. I'm getting to tired and old for this. I just want to be happy and not deal with any more crap. Just need help!


How long have you been married? Wondering how many kids he has besides yours and how many of them died? How many times in prison and for how long? Staying with him because he has no one else to talk to is unusual reason? Do you do better when he is in prison than when he is not? Do you want to live your life (along with your kids) according to his threats and constant lying?

Make a list of pros and cons and see what happens. Read about co-dependency.


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## oldshirt

Mystique808 said:


> He's a good guy on top of all of this he said if I leave e him he'll kill himself so I haven't been able to leave I'm all he has he has none that will talk to him.


Good guys don't steal and work scams and are pathological liers to support their drug habits. He is a bad guy.

You have kids to take care of. You are struggling to keep your head above water and he is nothing but an anvil tied around your waist pulling you down. 

When he threatens suicide or makes any kind of suicidal gestures, call 911 so he can get the help he needs.


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## FeministInPink

This is not the behavior of a good guy. Maybe a lot of it is because of the addiction, but until/unless he can beat his addiction, he's not a good guy, and you will continually get raked over the coals if you stay with him. And it's more than lucky that he's a bad guy, even without the drugs.

Him threatening to kill himself is emotional blackmail, and it is abusive behavior. You are NOT responsible for his choices. If you leave him and he commits suicide, that is HIS choice. You didn't make him do it.

You are demonstrating unhealthy co-dependent behavior. All of this is bad for you and bad for your kids. You are presently choosing to stay in a bad relationship, and that is going to have long-term/life-long ramifications on the your childrens' emotional health and well-being if 1) you don't leave and create a better environment for them, and 2) get yourself help to learn emotional skills and to stop being co-dependent.

You also need to consider that, depending on what kind of drugs you H is using, and if those drugs are in the house, that could be considered endangerment regarding the children, and social services could remove them from the home. That may come back on you, and you could be deemed as unfit because you didn't remove them from a dangerous environment.


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## bencoll

That's just a really toxic person. Best to stay away. Women are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men.


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## Beach123

oldshirt said:


> Good guys don't steal and work scams and are pathological liers to support their drug habits. He is a bad guy.
> 
> You have kids to take care of. You are struggling to keep your head above water and he is nothing but an anvil tied around your waist pulling you down.
> 
> When he threatens suicide or makes any kind of suicidal gestures, call 911 so he can get the help he needs.


Not only that but if you divorce while he's in prison he is watched there every day - all day. 

How long will he be in prison? How long does it take to get the divorce finalized?

When someone is using - and continues to use... there are consequences for their bad behavior. Divorce is the consequence for the actions he's done.

Lying and stealing to support a drug habit should be good reason to separate yourself legally from his actions and consequences.

There's NO way your kids are in a safe environment with him around. Divorce asap to protect your future - your kids future.

Request sole custody. Request the court to allow you to move without notifying him how to find you. Your future is at risk if you don't protect your best interest/your kids safety.


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## Handy

* When he threatens suicide or makes any kind of suicidal gestures, call 911*

Sorry, this is going to be your life for the next 10, 20 maybe 50 years if you don't get out of this relationship. Staying is only going to drag you and your kids down.


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## Rick Blaine

I have heard too many sad stories like this. When will doctors stop prescribing addictive pain medication? 

There are three deal breakers in marriage if they ontinue unchecked and unbated: abuse (verbal or physical), infidelity, and addiction. Until your husband detoxes and is clean for a long period of time, he is a danger to you and your family. Get him an intervention and immediately separate.


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## SunCMars

Handy said:


> * When he threatens suicide or makes any kind of suicidal gestures, call 911*
> 
> Sorry, this is going to be your life for the next 10, 20 maybe 50 years if you don't get out of this relationship. Staying is only going to drag you and your kids down.


Yes.

How one gets hooked on Opioids is only one part of the problem.
Once hooked, the old saying about having a vicious monkey on one's back is true.

The drug takes over a persons whole life, takes over their soul.

A junkie must feed the monkey, he must.

Prison is the best place for this man, your once husband. 

You no longer know him.
You know him no longer.

Your former husband has left the building, left his body.
He has left you to take care of his body.

He is a prisoner in some land, a dark land so far away. 
Yet, one so close at hand.

Distance, in this case is not measured in miles.
It is measured in trials.

Trials and tribulations.

Let him go, let him flounder. 
Move far away from him.
Do not leave any forwarding address.

Jobs now are plentiful. Pack up your children and your' stuff.
Head for some warm place, winter will soon descend upon us.

Sorry..


The Typist I-


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## BigDigg

I guess the question I have OP is this: who was this man before this addiction? Is that man still there or is this a lost cause?

Side note: I have some sympathy for those addicted to opioids resulting from pain management as that can happen to regular people and it's completely nasty. These are terrible drugs that frankly shouldn't be prescribed except under serious care and for exceptional cases. Long ago I had ACL surgery from a basketball injury and was prescribed some. Although I never developed an addiction I absolutely remember thinking how easily someone *could* become addicted and recall some very mild withdrawals from just a single prescription. I recognized the power and stayed away. But I didn't have a chronic issue like back pain and had no reason to continue anyhow. Powerful and dangerous things these drugs are.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

It all has to do with what HE wants to do. Up until a point where he decides he wants to quit, he won't. That's a fact.

If he just wants to continue, tragically nothing will stop him. Addicts are among the best liars in the world. 

The man you married is still there, maybe the question is, is that the real man or was he hiding something. 

It is possible to reach him, however it is possible you may not. 

If he can go six months without using, that's usually the tipping point to get one back. If they're committed to staying clean.

Cannabis is known to help with the physical withdrawals and then can be tapered. When starting to quit opiods he must taper, and he needs to be prepared to go three days without sleep, even when taking a sleep aid at the end. And stay home for at least a week in the beginning. 

However with the jobs, kids, rent not paid circumstances, they are all complications. 

It's your call on separating and / or divorce. 

Tragically from 15 yrs ago to about three yrs ago or so, big pharma convinced Drs to prescribe as much of said opioid as patient would tolerate, until pain subsided and patient would show signs of improved mobility. 

Then would refill every month without question as long as patient was working and / or productive in society. That would be a maintenance prescription. 

It's not until social pressures and overdoses started that drs started getting looked at, then they cut down dosages and unwitting patients started having withdrawals that a whole new breed of addicts hit the streets selling their working class souls and losing jobs, houses, families, and in many cases their lives. 

All from a foot, back, migraine, accident, physical injury.

And those like mid / end stage cancer victims are looked at like criminals when they fill their opioid scripts. And they're left in pain because until hospice drs bow to current social pressures and under prescribe when really needed.

The whole thing is a tragedy of epic proportions and it's those without gold standard good health insurance that suffer the most.

Sorry for the ramble!

Hang in there. Do what you think you need to.

Best of luck.


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## SpinyNorman

As others have said, this will be a very tough road if you decide to stay w/ him. 

If you do, you should educate yourself about addiction. I don't have any particular book recommendations, but there is always Narcotics Anonymous, do a web search for meetings in your area.

What you don't want to do, for your sake as well as his, is "enable" and addicts will usually try to manipulate you into this.


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## Marc878

File got D and get a life.


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## Adelais

Rick Blaine said:


> There are three deal breakers in marriage if they ontinue unchecked and unbated: abuse (verbal or physical), infidelity, and addiction.


Add a 4th: abandonment.

I was once told there were 4 reasons to end a marriage and they all started with the letter A: (makes it easier to remember)

Abuse
Adultery
Addiction
Abandonment


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## Beach123

You ok OP?


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