# Should I stay or should I go now?



## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

I have been married for 15 years. Throughout those years There has always been a trust issue with me regarding my wife for various reasons. Once she told me if I did not do something for her she would get the guy from her English class to do it for her. She has 2 adult children and we have 2 together. She has said that if a man and a woman have children then her man comes 1st but that if they are no longer together and she is with another man then the children come 1st and then her man. So her 1st 2 kids come first then me then my kids. The only problem is that meat I had to put her 2 kids before me and my two kids. I told her I understand her logic but that is not something you should be telling your husband. At a party I overheard her say "that's right! I told my husband that he will not be 1st to me and she explained her logic. I again told her that she should not be telling people that. Once when I agreed with my daughter over her she shouted "I am your wife! I come 1st!" I asked her if I came 1st with her. She said no. I said so why would you expect to be 1st with me? She was very upset. Anyway, Over the last couple of years, I had reason to believe that there is another man. She also has a friend/boss that has control of her and my wife does whatever she wants. I also believe that she has something to do with the other man. I did ask her much about what was going on and she said she wanted to separate. She said she did not love me so I told her to get out. And to my surprise when I arrived home she left with the kids and the dog. she also called the police on me even though I was not there. Over the next three days, she called the police 2 more times when I was present. She changed her phone number and bought a car that is registered and insured in someone else's name. Yet she wants me to go to therapy. I filed for divorce and custody and she seems to not care. At least in my face, she seems not to care. It's like a game. The point is I have not been happy for years. I hate that my wife has left and started what seems to me to be a separate life with her friend to the point of having a car that I was not included in helping her with Except to provide the funds for the car. I don't like her friend but I know if I stay I will have to deal with her. I cry often over this. I want out but I still love her dearly. I am at my wit's end and I don't know if I should fight to stay with her or count my blessings and flee. Would love all input and I can fill in the blanks as the conversation develops.

Thanks!
The Nader


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Dude get your act together...... how many times do you need her to slap you in the face?

Ditch that witch.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

When someone hits you in the face 3-4 times you should learn to duck. Get out ASAP 
you have no future here.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Get to a lawyer ASAP. She can't just up and leave with your kids and YOU have no visitation/care for them. Yes, she has probably cheated. She is NOT who you are "in love with" -- she is someone who has pulled the wool over your eyes making you THINK she was someone else, and now she has betrayed you. You are in love with an image of a person who does not exist.

Make sure you get to a bank -- get 1/2 of your funds OUT of where she can access them (into your own account), cancel your joint cards and get one JUST for yourself. Check your finances and see if she has pulled any shenanigans. You could check her phone bill (if you have access), but at this point you already know she has been cheating.

You should also have your lawyer draw up a separation agreement that does NOT allow any 3rd party (her POSOM) to be introduced to the kids.

Look she is treating YOU as the enemy by calling the cops on you. YOU need to protect yourself and your kids.
Let her worry about her and HER kids.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> Dude get your act together...... how many times do you need her to slap you in the face?
> 
> Ditch that witch.


I am trying so hard. She has been served divorce papers and we have a custody date coming up in a week. I think I have become so accustomed to having a family that it is killing me to imagine not having one. At least in the traditional sense. I know I should get out and I am set to leave. But what if through this therapy she makes a change? We have never really done therapy. The last time we tried was over ten years ago and we lasted 2 sessions. Thanks for your response. I take it seriously.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Marc878 said:


> When someone hits you in the face 3-4 times you should learn to duck. Get out ASAP
> you have no future here.


I have been struck many times by her. 1 time physically. There is a constant tug of war between us. We cant work together without arguing, we can't even exercise together without fighting. It's crazy. She yells and screams on a regular basis and I walk on eggshells around her constantly worried if she's going to be pissed about something. She does not understand it though. When I explain the last event that I bothered her to the point of asking for a separation then you guys will really let me have it.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"But what if through this therapy she makes a change? We have never really done therapy. " This is called HOPIUM -- you wish it to be. It will not be. From what you've said, I would not be surprised if she has some un-diagnosed mental illness.
There is NO POINT for the both of you to go to marriage counseling -- she won't do any of the work and has (from what you've said) NO interest in working on or saving the marriage.

If she has already moved in with her friend (Is this her affair partner), what else do you need? She's gone, and from the sounds of what she's put you through, it is for the better for you.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Get to a lawyer ASAP. She can't just up and leave with your kids and YOU have no visitation/care for them. Yes, she has probably cheated. She is NOT who you are "in love with" -- she is someone who has pulled the wool over your eyes making you THINK she was someone else, and now she has betrayed you. You are in love with an image of a person who does not exist.
> 
> Make sure you get to a bank -- get 1/2 of your funds OUT of where she can access them (into your own account), cancel your joint cards and get one JUST for yourself. Check your finances and see if she has pulled any shenanigans. You could check her phone bill (if you have access), but at this point you already know she has been cheating.
> 
> ...


She did just that. Now we came to an agreement and I have the kids 3 1/2 days a week. My wife boss for the better part of two years had my wife clean her house every Saturday. my wife was there all day. My wife sexual history was that of a dead fish and when I tried things she would refuse. Once I asked her to use her hand on me and she said "why would I do that? It does nothing for me." She would not move she would not touch and she was horrible at bj's. (Am I allowed to write this)? Anyway, it does not take 6-8 hours to clean the same house every Saturday. My wife began doing things that she would not do. She moved she touched and now gives a great BJ without practicing with me. Trying to give her an out I ask if she has been reading and studying to learn these changes and she says no. I have a new job and I'm so happy that Im trying more. Naturally, I said a new job, as far as I know, has never caused anyone to give a great Bj. About 4 months later the subject was broached again and she says but I have always done that. I said Never. A man knows his wife and you were never like that. another few months pass and now she says she studied online and read books and that's how she learned. I cried foul and said but you said in the beginning that that was not true. Then I find out that the boss's brother lived at the house in a basement apartment. The truth is I don't know what was going on but my wife's changes were enough to concern me.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, don't worry about the past with her -- you can't change it. Realize that she was probably cheating WAY before you suspected her of it.
STOP talking with her, stop dealing with her except through lawyers. As for the custody, make sure you have that in an agreement vetted by a lawyer. DON'T believe her if she just "says" it to you.

You are much better off away from her from the sounds of it. 
I don't know if you live in a state where adultery matters in your divorce -- if so, maybe hire a PI to get the goods on her to help with the divorce case (if it does NOT matter in your state, I wouldn't waste the money -- you KNOW she is cheating).


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> "But what if through this therapy she makes a change? We have never really done therapy. " This is called HOPIUM -- you wish it to be. It will not be. From what you've said, I would not be surprised if she has some un-diagnosed mental illness.
> There is NO POINT for the both of you to go to marriage counseling -- she won't do any of the work and has (from what you've said) NO interest in working on or saving the marriage.
> 
> If she has already moved in with her friend (Is this her affair partner), what else do you need? She's gone, and from the sounds of what she's put you through, it is for the better for you.


I am not sure if the friend is her affair partner. However, it did occur that it was a possibility. Once at a party at the boss/friend's house, I was sitting next to my wife and her boss/friend sits on the other side of my wife and calmly puts her hands between my wife's legs to warm her hands. I said nothing at the party as to not cause a scene. However, when we arrived home I asked her about it. I told her it was not appropriate. My wife said she did not see a problem with it. that lead to later discussions as well. There is a constant show of disrespect of a wife towards her husband. To the point where this woman comes first. In fact I believe without any proof fellas that she urged my wife to ask for a separation. And that is why I am here today.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

SO, if this woman is your wife's affair partner, I hate to say this but YOU don't have the equipment to compete with that.
If your wife has suddenly realized she is gay, she should have had the balls to tell you that.

A BOSS putting hands between your wife's legs? THAT would get most people fired at larger companies, period.
If you need proof, get a PI. Otherwise, get wiser, learn from this, and move on to a better person.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> So, don't worry about the past with her -- you can't change it. Realize that she was probably cheating WAY before you suspected her of it.
> STOP talking with her, stop dealing with her except through lawyers. As for the custody, make sure you have that in an agreement vetted by a lawyer. DON'T believe her if she just "says" it to you.
> 
> You are much better off away from her from the sounds of it.
> I don't know if you live in a state where adultery matters in your divorce -- if so, maybe hire a PI to get the goods on her to help with the divorce case (if it does NOT matter in your state, I wouldn't waste the money -- you KNOW she is cheating).


That is where I am leaning most. I am here to get opinions from you guys. A support group as it were. Writing and reading your responses helps.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Get to a lawyer ASAP. She can't just up and leave with your kids and YOU have no visitation/care for them. Yes, she has probably cheated. She is NOT who you are "in love with" -- she is someone who has pulled the wool over your eyes making you THINK she was someone else, and now she has betrayed you. You are in love with an image of a person who does not exist.
> 
> Make sure you get to a bank -- get 1/2 of your funds OUT of where she can access them (into your own account), cancel your joint cards and get one JUST for yourself. Check your finances and see if she has pulled any shenanigans. You could check her phone bill (if you have access), but at this point you already know she has been cheating.
> 
> ...


I have an attorney and filed for divorce and she was served divorce papers. I'm having 2nd thoughts regarding follow-up. With your help, I will push through this no matter how much it hurts.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> SO, if this woman is your wife's affair partner, I hate to say this but YOU don't have the equipment to compete with that.
> If your wife has suddenly realized she is gay, she should have had the balls to tell you that.
> 
> A BOSS putting hands between your wife's legs? THAT would get most people fired at larger companies, period.
> If you need proof, get a PI. Otherwise, get wiser, learn from this, and move on to a better person.


oh Her boss/friend is married to a man. Supposedly they have the best relationship. My relationship is constantly being compared to theirs.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

The Nader said:


> oh Her boss/friend is married to a man. Supposedly they have the best relationship. My relationship is constantly being compared to theirs.


OK, so very confusing as to why a married woman would put her hands between your wife's legs.
Second, if she is living with the woman AND her husband -- do you think there could be something going on between the three of them? (there are many stories here just like that where the wife is fooling around with a couple).?

Also, look I don't know your entire situation, so do not let ME (or ANYONE ELSE here) decide what is right for you -- to try to reconcile with her, or divorce her. NONE of us know the entire story here.
I am going by what YOU have said in a few paragraphs. You have indicated she is VERY manipulative to get her way, probably has cheated on you (possibly with multiple different people), was never affectionate with you, gave you awful sex with no emotional connection, lied to you, and now even seems to have a CAR from someone else?
Based on THAT, I would say you are better off without her and finding a true partner to be with -- she doesn't seem capable of that.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The Nader said:


> oh Her boss/friend is married to a man. Supposedly they have the best relationship. My relationship is constantly being compared to theirs.


Cut off all unnecessary contact. Read up on the 180. You hired your attorney for a reason. Let him guide you and do his job.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The 180. Read it








The 180


Several years ago, Michelle Wiener Davis, the author of Divorce Busting, introduced a concept to the world of infidelity that is designed to help you and your partner move forward in the healing of…




beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It would be a good idea for you to download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” byGlover
its a free pdf.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

The Nader said:


> I think I have become so accustomed to having a family that it is killing me to imagine not having one.



No.

I think that you are imagining that you actually have a family.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your wife didn't get better at bjs from having an affair with a woman. How did you come to provide funds for a car that is registered to someone else and who is that person?

I have never seen a woman place her hands between another woman's legs to warm them. Is your wife from a different culture/country? And, her boss?


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Cheating. Mental illness. Doesn’t love you... Pick one. Or more. You don’t have a marriage and family only loosely defined.

I agree with others to dive into NMMNG and 180. You have an interesting road ahead.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Go, don’t waste time, she doesn’t love you.
I wanted to add something, you mentioned that to her kids come first, actually kids always come first to a mom and this is how it should be.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

marcy* said:


> Go, don’t waste time, she doesn’t love you.
> I wanted to add something, you mentioned that to her kids come first, actually kids always come first to a mom and this is how it should be.


I think he was making note of the hypocrisy that, in her eyes, she should come first no matter what to him, when she doesn't need to adhere to the same outlook.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Your wife didn't get better at bjs from having an affair with a woman. How did you come to provide funds for a car that is registered to someone else and who is that person?
> 
> I have never seen a woman place her hands between another woman's legs to warm them. Is your wife from a different culture/country? And, her boss?





marcy* said:


> Go, don’t waste time, she doesn’t love you.
> I wanted to add something, you mentioned that to her kids come first, actually kids always come first to a mom and this is how it should be.


Yes, Marcy. But it is not shoved in one's face and it is not bragged about to others. A man would like to feel that he has some importance to his wife. not further dow hierarchy list. The point in making the statement is in fact that she expects me to place her 1st including in front of the children and was quite annoyed when I told her she can't expect that. How ironic.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Your wife didn't get better at bjs from having an affair with a woman. How did you come to provide funds for a car that is registered to someone else and who is that person?
> 
> I have never seen a woman place her hands between another woman's legs to warm them. Is your wife from a different culture/country? And, her boss?


Yes. She is from Colombia. I have spoken to many Colombians and that is not a part of her culture.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

hubbyintrubby said:


> I think he was making note of the hypocrisy that, in her eyes, she should come first no matter what to him, when she doesn't need to adhere to the same outlook.


That was the point I was attempting to make.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

The Nader said:


> Yes, Marcy. But it is not shoved in one's face and it is not bragged about to others. A man would like to feel that he has some importance to his wife. not further dow hierarchy list. The point in making the statement is in fact that she expects me to place her 1st including in front of the children and was quite annoyed when I told her she can't expect that. How ironic.


She is selfish. If her kids come first to her, than she knows and should accept that kids come first to you too, not her. She is playing you to hide the fact that she doesn’t love you and make you feel like you are the one who doesn’t.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

I appreciate responses from women to get a woman's perspective of all this.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Here’s my perspective... I would never treat someone I love that way. I would never speak to someone I love and respect that way. If I want my marriage to work, I would do anything. I would be the one leading the pact trying to improve myself. 

Her actions do not show that she wants this. You can’t convince your wife to be a wife and you shouldn’t have to.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Here’s my perspective... I would never treat someone I love that way. I would never speak to someone I love and respect that way. If I want my marriage to work, I would do anything. I would be the one leading the pact trying to improve myself.
> 
> Her actions do not show that she wants this. You can’t convince your wife to be a wife and you shouldn’t have to.


I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be. Naturally, I have my faults as well. But I have pleaded with her and All I get is "I don't see a problem with that." She got angry with me. Linked up with her girls from work. Changed her cell phone number. Started looking for her vehicle with her friends and shut me out. To me, it was like she left the marriage at that point. As I said earlier, She now has a car registered and insured in someone else's name of whom I'm not sure.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

The Nader said:


> I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be. Naturally, I have my faults as well. But I have pleaded with her and All I get is "I don't see a problem with that." She got angry with me. Linked up with her girls from work. Changed her cell phone number. Started looking for her vehicle with her friends and shut me out. To me, it was like she left the marriage at that point. As I said earlier, She now has a car registered and insured in someone else's name of whom I'm not sure.


That act alone is a betrayal of matrimony.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Female perspective:

Go. You may love her but she doesn’t love you. Stop crying. Stop pleading. Just go.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Openminded said:


> Female perspective:
> 
> Go. You may love her but she doesn’t love you. Stop crying. Stop pleading. Just go.


Thank you.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

The Nader said:


> I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be. Naturally, I have my faults as well. But I have pleaded with her and All I get is "I don't see a problem with that." She got angry with me. Linked up with her girls from work. Changed her cell phone number. Started looking for her vehicle with her friends and shut me out. To me, it was like she left the marriage at that point. As I said earlier, She now has a car registered and insured in someone else's name of whom I'm not sure.


For the love of god, stop pleading with her. Marriage is difficult enough. Don’t marry other cultures, it’s just that much harder.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

RebuildingMe said:


> For the love of god, stop pleading with her. Marriage is difficult enough. Don’t marry other cultures, it’s just that much harder.


It’s not her culture, it’s her. My hubby and I come from same country, culture, religion, and now I feel like the only things I have in common with him are nationality and language.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Openminded said:


> Female perspective:
> 
> Go. You may love her but she doesn’t love you. Stop crying. Stop pleading. Just go.


I am not pleading. I am seeking knowledge from you all. I have filed for divorce. I have attorney. I just have second thoughts. This is a difficult time. I'm just trying to work myself through it.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

marcy* said:


> It’s not her culture, it’s her. My hubby and I come from same country, culture, religion, and now I feel like the only things I have in common with him are nationality and language.


I agree. Are you Colombian? My wife and I have little in common also. I know what I must do. I just need to work my way through it. With help from you all I will succeed.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

The Nader said:


> I am not pleading. I am seeking knowledge from you all. I have filed for divorce. I have attorney. I just have second thoughts. This is a difficult time. I'm just trying to work myself through it.


I think you're doing great. Just stay the course and trust in yourself.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

hubbyintrubby said:


> I think you're doing great. Just stay the course and trust in yourself.


I agree Nader. Filing has already put you far ahead of a lot of others in your situation. Just don’t play the pick me dance with her. Life will go on...without her.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree Nader. Filing has already put you far ahead of a lot of others in your situation. Just don’t play the pick me dance with her. Life will go on...without her.


I agree.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Trust that she sucks.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

The Nader said:


> I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be. Naturally, I have my faults as well. But I have pleaded with her and All I get is "I don't see a problem with that." She got angry with me. Linked up with her girls from work. Changed her cell phone number. Started looking for her vehicle with her friends and shut me out. To me, it was like she left the marriage at that point. As I said earlier, She now has a car registered and insured in someone else's name of whom I'm not sure.


You need to really go scorched earth on her ass.
1. get a bull dog lawyer
2. make sure all the money you have if put away in a safe place
3. How old are all the kids? You have filed for custody.
4. Get STD ested
5. Do the 180, change the locks, no communiation except through the lawyer
6. Get yourself a therapist to help you through this
7. Tell all family friends what she is doing
8. Put a VAR in her car if possible or hire a PI to see she is with, then use it in the divorce and tell everyone.


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

aine said:


> You need to really go scorched earth on her ass.
> 1. get a bull dog lawyer
> 2. make sure all the money you have if put away in a safe place
> 3. How old are all the kids? You have filed for custody.
> ...


Emphasis on the therapist. You sound like a very broken man after years of abuse so it's as necessary as a lawyer.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When your wife’s boss put her hand between your wife’s legs she was marking her territory and warning *you *off. She was like the proverbial bear pissing in the woods.
And you sat there and let this happen. That was weak, in fact pathetically weak.
Your wife lost all respect for you years ago and she is in the middle of a long term affair with her boss and probably her bosses husband. Your feelings or opinions don’t matter and never have, she made this clear from day one. 
At least gather whatever you have left of your dignity and remove your wife from your bank accounts, insurance, in fact the only weapon you have is that your wife appears to need you to pay for her car so stop doing that too.
And stop mourning the loss of your wife, she never was yours anyway.


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## anonfrank (Apr 18, 2013)

Not that it matters now, but her behavior seems like bipolar or borderline, likely the latter. 

Be glad you are divorcing this train wreck. Better for you to suffer in the short term, than to attempt spending another year, five years, twenty years, with this mess.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dude: even after you divorce her, you'll still be the same. Any woman around the world that interacts with you (romantically) will gauge you as a weak, easy pray male, whom they can wipe their ass with. She being Colombian got nothing to do with it; YOU being some sort of a male has everything to do with it. Start finding knowledge about how to be a man that can be respected for his moral strength, self confidence, self respect, etc., etc. 

One thing I can surely tell you: if this Colombian woman (your wife) try to do what she's been doing to you to a Colombian man, she wouldn't even think of trying it, because if she did, that Colombian guy would show her who's who IMMEDIATELY. Guaranteed. Call it what you want to call my statement, but the reality is that it doesn't matter, because it is what it is, and that's the true, not what anybody might want to think of it. 

Divorce her, because she has not respect or whatsoever for you as a man. Learn from it, and try to be a man next time.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

marcy* said:


> Go, don’t waste time, she doesn’t love you.
> I wanted to add something, you mentioned that to her kids come first, actually kids always come first to a mom and this is how it should be.


Total ********. Kids and a husband should have equal status as number one. This wench proves it


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are in a weakened state due to the loss of your wife, so I won’t kick you when you’re down. But a good friend would punch you in the face for tolerating this and even considering going back, because that would be crazy. You don’t even have a choice. Dude, she’s not coming back, but her doing so should be a nightmare to you. Not an option.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> Dude: even after you divorce her, you'll still be the same. Any woman around the world that interacts with you (romantically) will gauge you as a weak, easy pray male, whom they can wipe their ass with. She being Colombian got nothing to do with it; YOU being some sort of a male has everything to do with it. Start finding knowledge about how to be a man that can be respected for his moral strength, self confidence, self respect, etc., etc.
> 
> One thing I can surely tell you: if this Colombian woman (your wife) try to do what she's been doing to you to a Colombian man, she wouldn't even think of trying it, because if she did, that Colombian guy would show her who's who IMMEDIATELY. Guaranteed. Call it what you want to call my statement, but the reality is that it doesn't matter, because it is what it is, and that's the true, not what anybody might want to think of it.
> 
> Divorce her, because she has not respect or whatsoever for you as a man. Learn from it, and try to be a man next time.


I am no less of a man than any of you. I get what you're saying but don't question my manhood.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> You are in a weakened state due to the loss of your wife, so I won’t kick you when you’re down. But a good friend would punch you in the face for tolerating this and even considering going back, because that would be crazy. You don’t even have a choice. Dude, she’s not coming back, but her doing so should be a nightmare to you. Not an option.


Nahh my friends are helping me through this and some have strong words for me. However none would think of putting hands on me. I'm free of my wife and it's a good thing. I move on.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> Dude: even after you divorce her, you'll still be the same. Any woman around the world that interacts with you (romantically) will gauge you as a weak, easy pray male, whom they can wipe their ass with. She being Colombian got nothing to do with it; YOU being some sort of a male has everything to do with it. Start finding knowledge about how to be a man that can be respected for his moral strength, self confidence, self respect, etc., etc.
> 
> One thing I can surely tell you: if this Colombian woman (your wife) try to do what she's been doing to you to a Colombian man, she wouldn't even think of trying it, because if she did, that Colombian guy would show her who's who IMMEDIATELY. Guaranteed. Call it what you want to call my statement, but the reality is that it doesn't matter, because it is what it is, and that's the true, not what anybody might want to think of it.
> 
> Divorce her, because she has not respect or whatsoever for you as a man. Learn from it, and try to be a man next time.


I am not perfect and I will have learned from all of this. No one has walked all over me before her and it won't happen again. I need no further education about being a man. My father did a great job of teaching me.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

anonfrank said:


> Not that it matters now, but her behavior seems like bipolar or borderline, likely the latter.
> 
> Be glad you are divorcing this train wreck. Better for you to suffer in the short term, than to attempt spending another year, five years, twenty years, with this mess.


I agree


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

The Nader said:


> I am no less of a man than any of you. I get what you're saying but don't question my manhood.


Don't ask me if I do or do not question your manhood. ASK you wife or, any other woman to which you react the way you have reacted to her if they see you as a man or if they question your manhood. That's what really matters. 

So many men see and perceive themselves as being all macho, top gun, alpha male WITH other men, but when they have to interact with women, they're a blob, pussies, can't get their inner macho man to be macho in front of that woman. Here is where we weed the weak from the strong.


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## The Nader (Dec 30, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> Don't ask me if I do or do not question your manhood. ASK you wife or, any other woman to which you react the way you have reacted to her if they see you as a man or if they question your manhood. That's what really matters.
> 
> So many men see and perceive themselves as being all macho, top gun, alpha male WITH other men, but when they have to interact with women, they're a blob, pussies, can't get their inner macho man to be macho in front of that woman. Here is where we weed the weak from the strong.


I did not ask. I said don't question it. I did not come here to be raked over the coals. And I'm certainly no *****. Comments like that don't help me at all. As for my wife its over. We don't speak. And I'm better off because of it. Don't question my manhood.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

The Nader said:


> I did not ask. I said don't question it. I did not come here to be raked over the coals. And I'm certainly no ***. Comments like that don't help me at all. As for my wife its over. We don't speak. And I'm better off because of it. Don't question my manhood.


I get why you feel attacked, but DON'T -- if you spend any time at all reading other threads on here, you'll see this is how people talk on here. It's not meant as any kind of insult to you, it's meant to wake you up (in case you need it) and give you strength. So many people come on here and can't see the terrible situations that they are in, and the regular posters on here are almost always trying to HELP by telling it exactly how they see it.

NO ONE is trying to mock you or disrespect you, they are saying "Pick yourself up - Take care of yourself" -- be grateful for that!!

And if you don't like anything that someone says, just ignore it, they'll stop posting - take what helps you and skip the rest.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@The Nader: If you read @LisaDiane post. That's exactly what I meant with my posts. It is not my intention to "rack you over the coals"; but if you were able to read what you wrote on your first replies, as a complete independent third party individual, you would cringe while reading the way you reacted to your wife's behavior and attitude toward you during your relationship with her. The intention of my replies, while seemingly "strong", they are to make you see that your response behavior is what made your wife perceive you in a different negative light, a realization that took away whatever respect she had for you .

So many, and I mean so many men and women come to these forums seeking answers/guidance to their problems, but, because they are in shock/fog, they are not able to realize that their problems reside mostly within themselves, because, whether of their innate personality, character, a temporary brain fart, or just lack of experience, they cannot accept what they are being told. Here, some posters try the smooth, delicate route to make the OPs see what they are/were doing wrong; others try to shock them into their senses, because it seems sometimes that that's what they need to react/understand so that they don't ever repeat or continue repeating the behavior that got them into the situation they were/are with their present, or next partner, or whatever. Remember one must be able to respect herself/himself in order to project to others the demand of respect from them.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@The Nader, just checking in to see how you are making out? Are you doing OK?


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## AlanParker1989 (Jan 21, 2021)

With such an address to me, I would immediately leave my wife. She is too self-confident and knows that you will not leave her, she is just playing at you and it seems to me that she may also be interested in your money. It is not humanly to behave this way, not only with my husband, but with people in general.


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## baudoman (Jan 7, 2021)

Yikes, if I was the OP I would probably give up posting here too. Why being so critical of him, guys? And then pretending that you're trying to help?

If you're in a depressed state and have lost what you considered your family, how does someone telling you to "Be a man" or "Man up" help at all? That's just the kind of attitude that has destroyed relationships and will continue to do so, the fact that we are scared to use the hearts we've been given.

A man apparently does not have a heart and associated feelings, right? Only self-confidence and ego. Men don't cry, right?

Here's my take on it: Indoor Insanity - Part 1 - Meet the Family | JustBeingHumble.com


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> Total ******. Kids and a husband should have equal status as number one. This wench proves it


Yiur spouse should come 1st. Kids 2nd. Not to say you neglect the children. This putting kids 1st is why many marriagedms are over when kids leave home. Spouse left the marriage when child was born and when the kid leaves and she starts looking for spouse again, she finds he has finally checked out and it is too late.


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