# I hate FB



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Hi guys, I hope everyone is doing well. So I have been having this stupid thing and I just wanted to ask everyone what the hell is wrong with me! 

For past couple of months I have been really down about the fact that mine and my HTB life just seems stuck. We met 4 years ago and I was in undergrad then and now I am in grad school. He worked back then and went to school and he is till doing that. I mean yea our relationship progressed in that we moved in together and got engaged and there were loads of ups and down in the relationship (which seemed to have stabilized for now). Our lives are pretty much the same, not a lot has changed for us. 

I see our friends and they are all married and having kids, and buying houses and it just makes me little sad. Everytime I log on to my FB all I see is people with kids and houses and I can't help but feel depressed and jealous. 

I am not sure when we are getting married, we can't even afford a small wedding right now, prob can't even think about kids for another 3 years, we been trying to save money for a house but things keep coming up and that money keeps getting used up. 

One more thing, I am not sure if its only in my head or if its because I am giving off some kind of vibe or what but lately it seems like that all our friends with kids all hang out with each other and kind of exclude us from their gatherings. I tried to talk to one of our friend about it and she was like O we did not think you would enjoy hanging out us old married people with kids. I mean these are the people we used to double date with a lot 2 years ago! I don't know, I wish this year would go by fast so we can move and start our lives over.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Stay off FaceBook. 

Seriously. You don't need it in your life. It is a scourge and a breeding ground for all sorts of nastiness. 

I have not been on FB for two years.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Are you unhappy because you don't have a house and kids and you want them, or are you unhappy because your friends have them and you don't?

Lots of people who are married with houses and kids aren't happy, despite what they present to the world. Just spend some time on this forum and see. 

Facebook isn't the problem, but if it's making you miserable, then why not stay away from it?


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

FaceBook is a freaking travesty of modern life. The only thing you see are the wonderful images that people want you to see. It is worse than TV. Do not compare your life to FaceBook!


----------



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

GettingIt said:


> Are you unhappy because you don't have a house and kids and you want them, or are you unhappy because your friends have them and you don't?
> 
> Lots of people who are married with houses and kids aren't happy, despite what they present to the world. Just spend some time on this forum.
> 
> Facebook isn't the problem, but if its making you miserable, then why not stay away from it?


I think I am sad because I am tired of school and sameness of life. Luckily I only have 18 months left. I have been in school for 8 years after high school and I just feel like I have put my life on hold for my career. I want a house and family. I want those things just as much but I can't have them right now. 

Kids- I am not sure I am 100% ready for one, but I think I just want more of a family environment around my house. Since its just me and HTB and our pets, our life is very separate. Our schedules are very different. we eat at different times (except on weekends), we go to bed at different times, we wake up at different times, we go to gym at different times. We barely spend any time together during weekdays even though we live together. We spend our weekends together though. Sometimes our house feels so depressing. I came from a very big family so I feel like if we had a kid our house would be more lively.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Enoxprin said:


> I think I am sad because I am tired of school and sameness of life.


Believe me...it doesn't get better after school. Getting your degree will open doors for you, but those great jobs and great career won't make you happy. Having kids won't make you happy. All that happens is you get a whole slew of new, boring, tedious crap to replace the old, boring, tedious crap...

Happiness is a choice... a choice you have to make every morning when you wake up. You either choose to face the day with a frown...or turn it upside down.


----------



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

intheory said:


> "Birds of a feather flock together"
> 
> I agree with GettingIt, houses, marriage and kids are no guarantee of happiness. Why not enjoy being unencumbered for a while. Make new friends who aren't settled down yet???


I know you are right but only if my stupid heart would stop being so inpatient


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Oh God...did I just write that?


----------



## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

If you hate FB so much, stay off. And if it makes you jealous to hear about other people's lives through FB, how do you think you are going to feel hearing it in person if you did attend gatherings? 

Achieve your goals and don't envy others. There will be a day when all the sacrifice will pay off. 

Hell, I bet some of your friends are envious of YOU.


----------



## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Hehe. Facebook peeps,, their material gains,, their expensive holidays,, their kids and their freakin' pets.

Most of them will be as jealous of your 'free n (near) single' status as you are of their 'achievements'.

People only post what they want you to see.

On FB,, they're especially cautious.

They have old school friends who know the sordid details of their youth,, work colleagues and their kids all reading their updates. Groups who, prior to social media, would never meet.

All those masks to juggle. Just one ill judged comment from disaster.

Every update is designed to convince people how 'normal' they are. They'll post a link to an article rather than express an opinion of their own and risk being shunned by the other 'normals'.

Competing over who could afford to get to the most expensive beach,, or who' got the biggest, fluffiest dog,, is as outrageous as they can get without imploding. It's a shameful display of one-upmanship - based on narrow, officially approved definitions of success.

It's both pitiful and hilarious.

Typical FB Person is the last thing you want to aspire to. Indeed, if you aren't one, celebrate it before you get sucked into it too. Nobody is fully immune to the lure of conformity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Enoxprin said:


> I think I am sad because I am tired of school and sameness of life. Luckily I only have 18 months left. I have been in school for 8 years after high school and I just feel like I have put my life on hold for my career. I want a house and family. I want those things just as much but I can't have them right now.


I can sympathize with that. I was with my husband for 11 years while we did college and graduate degrees. It does become a slog towards the end, and boy does the grass start to look greener. Hang in there, life will still be there in 18 months. I've got the husband, the kids, the house . . . and they have their own sets of problems after the "new" wears off. I love my family, but I also think fondly of those years that you're in now. 



Enoxprin said:


> Kids- I am not sure I am 100% ready for one, but I think I just want more of a family environment around my house. Since its just me and HTB and our pets, our life is very separate. Our schedules are very different. we eat at different times (except on weekends), we go to bed at different times, we wake up at different times, we go to gym at different times. We barely spend any time together during weekdays even though we live together. We spend our weekends together though. Sometimes our house feels so depressing. I came from a very big family so I feel like if we had a kid our house would be more lively.


I come from a big family, too. You sound lonely--it's hard not to have family around if that's what you're used to. You also sound extremely busy. It's hard to appreciate how a child changes your life until you have one--your house is more lively, sure, but you are also sleep deprived and your time is no longer your own. It's stressful at times, and that can affect your relationship with your spouse or SO. Have you talked to your HTB about how you're feeling? Is he feeling any of the same things, or are your feelings on this a point of contention between the two of you?

It's easy to blame Facebook, but like I said, I don't think that's the problem. You just seem like you're burning out on school--and that's understandable. Have you considered looking into whether or not there's resources through your school's counseling department that might help you?


----------



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

GettingIt said:


> I can sympathize with that. I was with my husband for 11 years while we did college and graduate degrees. It does become a slog towards the end, and boy does the grass start to look greener. Hang in there, life will still be there in 18 months. I've got the husband, the kids, the house . . . and they have their own sets of problems after the "new" wears off. I love my family, but I also think fondly of those years that you're in now.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I have talked to my htb about it, he feels that I am being inpatient and that everything will happen for us in its own time. He is a very patient person (thats prob why he can deal with me!) I am very inpatient. He basically says all the things other people have stated and I do know that he is right just like everyone else here but its still hard. I know everyone is right that I should enjoy this time because obviously I am not going to get it back!


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Enoxprin said:


> I have talked to my htb about it, he feels that I am being inpatient and that everything will happen for us in its own time. He is a very patient person (thats prob why he can deal with me!) I am very inpatient. He basically says all the things other people have stated and I do know that he is right just like everyone else here but its still hard. I know everyone is right that I should enjoy this time because obviously I am not going to get it back!


Sometimes it's easier said than done to overcome feelings, even when we know intellectually that they are irrational, or the result of fatigue, or whatever. Take care of yourself and try to find an outlet--even if it's just talking to a counselor or blowing off steam over a few drinks with a friend . . . or venting on internet forums. 

And although patience is a virtue . . . so is being sympathetic when someone we loves feels down. Maybe tell your HTB that you could use some extra TLC this weekend.


----------



## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Oh God...did I just write that?


I know, right?  I read it and thought, "Oh God...did I just read that?" 

Who are you, and what have you done with our ol' curmudgeonly bandit?  Sure, he was kind of gruff, at times, but we knew that we could rely on him for certain things. Now, THIS!!! 

*SNAP OUT OF IT, BANDITO!!! *


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Enoxprin said:


> Kids- I am not sure I am 100% ready for one, but I think I just want more of a family environment around my house. Since its just me and HTB and our pets, our life is very separate. Our schedules are very different. we eat at different times (except on weekends), we go to bed at different times, we wake up at different times, we go to gym at different times. We barely spend any time together during weekdays even though we live together. We spend our weekends together though. Sometimes our house feels so depressing. I came from a very big family so I feel like if we had a kid our house would be more lively.


Nobody is ever ready for kids. Ever.

That said--having kids is not the key to making your life happier. Kids bring stress, expense, smells and germs. OK, so they also bring a few good things too. Point is, you can't take an unhappy situation and make it a happy one by adding kids. Have kids because you want kids, not for what you think they can do to improve your life.


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Believe me...it doesn't get better after school. Getting your degree will open doors for you, but those great jobs and great career won't make you happy. Having kids won't make you happy. All that happens is you get a whole slew of new, boring, tedious crap to replace the old, boring, tedious crap...
> 
> Happiness is a choice... a choice you have to make every morning when you wake up. You either choose to face the day with a frown...or turn it upside down.


Wise words


----------



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Ynot said:


> FaceBook is a freaking travesty of modern life. The only thing you see are the wonderful images that people want you to see. It is worse than TV. Do not compare your life to FaceBook!


I disagree. There's a lot of whiners, complainers, and drama seekers on FB as well. It's a mixture of "I have a perfect life, and I hate my life" types of people. Sometimes it makes for good entertainment.

However OP, if fb is making you feel worse about life, get off the computer and start living. Stop comparing. We all go thru seasons in life. Don't think life becomes magical once you have a house, kids, and a husband. It doesn't!! Who's to say someone doesn't envy you because you have less responsibilities?


----------



## IWantGreatMarriage (May 20, 2014)

1 word of advice: get off facebook.
I gave up facebook for lent last year and decided to delete it after lent.
Now I no longer have to compare my life to others and am way happier. You might benefit from doing same.
And your friends? Make new ones


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I never did FB! Didn't want to ~ primarily because my rich, skanky XW greatly made use of it as her "tool of choice" at covertly getting at other "tools!" How it literally sickened me whenever I was read her numerous private FB postings to one of her two lovers, L'il Lord Lardass, about such fun and exciting things like "accidental penises!"

Trust me, I'm not the most social creature in the world ~ well not as much as a lot of my other friends, so I never really had an affinity to join! Both of my college-aged sons did, but not I!

When I got elected into church leadership, I was pretty well compelled to get an account as that is one of major vehicles of communicating with our membership. And when I set up an account, I had friends literally come out of the woodwork friending me ~ some that I hadn't heard from in eons!

But other than for using it for church work, I will occasionally scan postings to occasionally wish my friends a happy birthday or anniversary or answer questions.
But what really chaps my ass are those ceaseless invitations to play  Candy Crush Saga!

But I can definitely see where it can be used as an infidel's pickup tool greatly at procuring themselves a nice, secretive, exciting piece of "strange!"*


----------



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Honestly? You are getting your masters and you should be INCREDIBLY proud of that. I just needed to point that out. The more people I meet the more I realize that even an undergraduate degree is not as common as one would think. I understand your feelings on everything else, I can relate... but you should be proud of your dedication to your education. Getting my degree was one of my best moments in life because it is uniquely my own that I accomplished completely myself. You should post about THAT on facebook, and make others jealous


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Funny me and my sis were just talking about this on the weekend. About how facebook leads to narcissim (spelling?) and how it is easy to think that everybody else's lives are so much better than yours. Not true...to me people with real lives do not spend that much time on facebook. Only those that are needy and need other's feedback all the friggin time spend a ton of time on facebook.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Just use TAM for your facebooking needs. Like this:

*sigh* perfect day...laundry is done, kids are napping, gardener is shirtless and sweaty. Oh what to do??



Besides, we even have our own "like" button. Coincidence? I think not.


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

You know, once you have children, you cannot really give them back. Enjoy your freedom for a while before you jump into motherhood.
Frankly, you should go few times to those meetings with your friends with kids, and see how they cannot sit and talk for longer than five minutes, how they talk about diapers and baby food, and daycares, how they need a cargo airplane for all baby gear to leave the house to go grocery shopping. You may decide that you still have time for that "fun"


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Oh do not get me started on FB!!!! Listen. FB is fake fake fake.

The glorious photos and smiles and unity you see on those pages are a ridiculous attempt to show how 'perfect' their lives are. When we all know that couldn't be further from the truth. It's an attention-grab; a LOOK AT ME! cry to their friends. It's vanity in all its gross glory. It makes my toes curl. I think FB will be the demise of our civilization. Stay off FB. It's utter nonsense.

Whew. Alrighty then.*steps off soapbox*

I am child-free by choice. It's true-birds of a feather flock together. Most of my friends have children. I used to miss my friends so much! However, I've made it crystal clear that doing 'boring family stuff with the kids' interests me, and hey, I can lend a helping hand to the parents. I adore children, especially my friends' children because my love for my friends is bestowed to their children, too. I get invites to join my friends often, and I join them when I can. I'm also the most requested babysitter in my circle of friends.  I'm the cool, fun, auntie.

Talk to your friends about it. Ask them to include you more. On the flip side, I bet they're quite envious of you. As they should be.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

facebook is evil.

it filters everything and only let you see what it thinks you should see. it is manipulating society.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

lucy999 said:


> Oh do not get me started on FB!!!! Listen. FB is fake fake fake.
> 
> The glorious photos and smiles and unity you see on those pages are a ridiculous attempt to show how 'perfect' their lives are. When we all know that couldn't be further from the truth. It's an attention-grab; a LOOK AT ME! cry to their friends. It's vanity in all its gross glory. It makes my toes curl. I think FB will be the demise of our civilization. Stay off FB. It's utter nonsense.
> 
> ...


The best kids in the world are someone else's...because you can always send them home when you're done


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> The best kids in the world are someone else's...because you can always send them home when you're done


Could not disagree more. I've got no patience for other people's kids. My own rank much higher


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Step away from Facebook.

Most people post their good happenings on their, not the sh*tty things that happen to them.

You and your guy don't have kids so do not compare your lives to your friends who are parents/have a child lifestyle. They are not the same at all. 

Yes, some marrieds will exclude you from outings together. So will some parents.

It's life.

We all have different things happening all the time and what fits for one couple may not for another.

Cheer up.

Stop comparing your life to status updates on the a social media tech portal.


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I agree with the posts about Facebook. I think it does lead to people feeling that they are somewhat inferior to others because their lives seem boring and don't compare to their Facebook "friends". 

The posts I hate the most are the ones where someone types a cryptic type message such as "When will the pain end?" and then waits and sees how many of their friends reply asking them if everything is okay....then they never post again explaining what is going on. 

I remember one time a number of years ago I did a friend request for a couple of girls that I worked with anticipating that they would accept my request....well they never did accept my request they ignored it but I see that they are friends with others here at work. I admit it bothered me (and sometimes now years later it still does when I think about it, which is stupid I know) because it made me feel like what is wrong with me...why are they friends with others and do not want to be friends with me..

That is what Facebook does it plays with your mind and makes you feel like if you don't have a lot of friends or certain people do not respond to your friend request or unfriend you that something is wrong with you.

It kind of brings you back to junior high school bull****...


----------



## lmtosf (Jul 28, 2014)

Like others have said, kids do not necessary bring happiness. Kids coupled with that nice new house add a lot of bills and stress to a relationship. Your HTB is right. You have plenty of time, enjoy your freedom, because once you have kids and are a slave to work to pay the bills that come with kids and the house, you will not have freedom! I love my kids, they are great, best thing that happened to me, despite what I just said. Just don´t be in a hurry, we waited 8 years after marriage to have kids.


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I should apologize I kind of went off on a tangent about facebook

My facebook issues came out


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I try to use Facebook to stay in touch with family and close friends!

I don't post very much. But being able to catch up with family that live far away is nice. I have been thinking about closing my Facebook account. I really hate there sensership and the anti hunting ,gun, and political agenda!

And the fact that mark zukenfvck stole the idea ! I hate that a$$hole!


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I like Facebook. I'm only on it about once a week or so, but I've hooked up with childhood friends I hadn't seen in 40+ years and relatives I only get to see about once every decade or so.

If I really don't like what a Facebook "Friend" is posting, they're gone. End of story.


----------



## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Blaming and hating FB because you hate your life is so f_cking ridiculous. LOL.


----------



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Thanks guys! you guys are really sweet and thanks for all the advice. It is really appreciated. I will implement some changes in my life so I can stop feeling this way. I spend entirely way too much time on FB. I have it on my phone so I am on it a lot. I think I am going to delete the app from my phone. I have boards coming up so should be studying anyway. I am excited about this coming year. I have boards in June, then I am travelling to a few different states to audition for jobs (which now that I think about it I prob would not have done if I did already have kids). I did talk to my HTB about it today and we decided that our daily schedule does need to be vamped up a bit. We are gonna try to pick a project around the house and do that and we decided to explore a different park every week (we have tons of parks around the area and we have a dog so it makes sense, also most of them are free or very cheap).


----------



## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Enoxprin said:


> I did talk to my HTB about it today and we decided that our daily schedule does need to be vamped up a bit. We are gonna try to pick a project around the house and do that and we decided to explore a different park every week (we have tons of parks around the area and we have a dog so it makes sense, also most of them are free or very cheap).


Good for you.

I guarantee, most of those FB "Look at me. I'm on a beach in Bali. Gimme likes! Gimme likes!" types, haven't a clue what lies off the highways 20 miles from home. Sometimes it might be shìte,, but it's cheap shìte and when it's cheap you can laugh at it. Paying 2,000+ on family air fares to see some sand,, fight with Germans for sun-loungers, drink overpriced còcktails and get botulism from barbecues ain't a barrel of laughs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

FB is a trap. Stay awayyyyy.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Let's all jump on the bandwagon and blame FB for the ills of the populace that uses it. I mean, it's really all Mark Zuckerberg's fault, right?

My extended family stays in touch on FB, and we've found it to be the best tool for doing that for non-emergency stuff. If you don't like how someone behaves on the site, you can always remove their input from your feed.


----------



## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Let's add dinner parties to the list of evil things we should hate. 

Same thing as FB, but in person. People dress nice, brag about their kids, show pics, talk about their careers, sports, politics, etc. 

JUST AWFUL!!


----------



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Omar174 said:


> Let's add dinner parties to the list of evil things we should hate.
> 
> Same thing as FB, but in person. People dress nice, brag about their kids, show pics, talk about their careers, sports, politics, etc.
> 
> JUST AWFUL!!


I agree, I don't think that FB is evil per say or whatever I guess what I meant was that how I hate how being on FB makes me feel. I mainly use it for school stuff, we have a class group and we communicate through fb, its easier then to send an email through school to everyone. 

I guess when I see some of my friends fb and see them I want what they have. I am not blaming them for posting those things, I blame myself for feeling that way.


----------



## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

Enoxprin said:


> I guess what I meant was that how I hate how being on FB makes me feel.



You can delete your Facebook or stop looking at other people's pages. 




Enoxprin said:


> I mainly use it for school stuff, we have a class group and we communicate through fb, its easier then to send an email through school to everyone.



You honestly lost me here. If you only use it to send messages to your classmates using a group page, how do you see what your friends post? I mean you have to go to the group page to write/message while you have click on your Facebook feed to see what other people are posting, so you don't just use it for academic purposes. 




Enoxprin said:


> I guess when I see some of my friends fb and see them I want what they have. I am not blaming them for posting those things, I blame myself for feeling that way.



I think your problem is that you're envious. You posted last year about being jealous of other couples. For some odd reason you're not happy with your life (based on what you've posted, I don't get why you're envious of having a mortgage, not sleeping through the night, having a kid (s) follow you everywhere). 

It's a good thing to learn to appreciate what you have instead of worrying about what you don't have NOW.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
FB and other social media are a huge break from the past because they allow people from very different social groups to interact. 

There has always been a huge amount of disparity, but it used ot be hidden. Poor people would never see the sorts of lives that the wealthy lived. Stay-at-homes would rarely meet explorers. People with traditional sex lives would never meet those with exotic life styles. 

In many ways FB is good in that it lets people learn more about others - but it is also dangerous for anyone with a tendency toward jealousy. 

I have FB "friends" who range from wealthy businessmen, to unemployed people living on state support. TV personalities, to crazy cat-people. Fundamentalist Christians to polyamory activists. Police officers and anti-police activists. Housewifes and exotic dancers.

Its fascinating, but its also true that there is always someone who is "better" than me in pretty much everything I do.


----------



## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

Good for you on making those changes. First step is definitely getting off FB. Comparing leads to unhappiness. When you compare you quickly lose perspective. I'm happy to hear that you discussed it with your SO. Good luck!


----------



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Hi guys, hope everyone is doing well. I am very bad at follow up but I wanted to come hare and let you guys know that thanks to your advice I think our relationship is turning around. After my post here couple of months ago I had a long conversation with my SO we decided on doing more active things together outside of home. Since then we have invested in some cheap equipment for water sports which he loves and I invested in a bike which he is teaching me how to ride so we can ride our bikes together. We also invested in a grill and have been grilling our date night food together instead of doing the usual restaurant with a movie after. I think we are finally starting to enjoy life again after a long time. 

So I just wanted to come here and thank you guys for putting things in perspective for me. Appreciate the help  
Happy Mothers Day to all the moms, moms to be, moms who lost, and women who are planning on being mothers soon.


----------



## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

I'm happy for you! All the best!


----------



## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

You and your man need to make plans for the weekend, no more slouching around. The kids and house will come, the further you are towards your edu the more prepared you will be for the big changes. Your soo close to the finish line, its exhausting, you want to quit, but once you cross that line, you will find the endurance to post your victory lap on fb. Jaws drop!


----------

