# How to start over as a single mom??



## brokenmama (May 27, 2012)

So, we can't work it out. He won't stop seeing his other woman. Says he didn't mean for it to happen, didn't mean to hurt me. Wants to be there for me and the kids. (I am seven months pregnant with our second right now.) And we have a 6 year old daughter.

I have to keep running the business with him. Me and the kids are moving out and leaving him the house, even though we did nothing to cause this. I am doing this because the house is in the country with no neighbors, and I would not be comfortable staying there with me and the kids alone.

So, I am looking at real estate in the area I want to be in (in between my house and my mom's) which is a 4 mile stretch. 

Should I rent? Should I buy?

As far as future relationships, who will want to date a 34 yo woman with 2 kids and a ex-hubby that she still works with?

Hubby tells me all men cheat, and that whomever I am with will do it to. This does help my confidence in the future. 

I am hurt thinking when I move out, that the OW will leave her husband and move into my house with my husband. But I suppose I can't stop that. Yet it hurts to envision.

I don't want her around my daughter, but I guess I can't stop that either. 

It's just not fair, I didn't ask for any other this. Didn't cause it. I was happy after 16 years the way we were. I thought he was happy. We had sex almost daily.

So, what was it about this unattractive, 48 year old grandmother that has been married 30 years, that made him do this and risk everything we had?

I can't stay with someone I can't trust. They have had NC twice and broke it both times. Can't seem to give each other up. 

In my mind and my heart, I hope they make each other miserable. I hope one day he wakes up and realizes just how good he had it, and just want he let slip away.

A good woman.


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## Dumped (Sep 6, 2012)

Not all men cheat. Don't believe it for a second.

I don't know why bad things happen in our lives. I'm dealing with my wife leaving me right now. But everyone keeps telling me it gets better.

God, I hope they are right.

Keep your head up, and remember your own value.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

not all men cheat.

rent don't buy. vagaries of the housing market aside, you have too much turmoil in your life to buy at the moment. if you like your mom's neighborhood... could you move home for 3-6 mos. and see how things are then? you would be surrounded by family in the interim.

it's time to start taking all that mental work you've been doing and apply it to yourself.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

broken, 

I am a 34 yr old recently divorced single mom of one 4yr old son, who was also cheated on and left. Dating will not be an issue, their are many men out there who are fine with you having kids and people have many different types of relationships with their ex, some are friendly some are not. Good luck and it gets better with time.


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## 2much2soon (Jul 26, 2012)

Tell him that you wish him and the OW well. Nothing but the best! It becomes less of a secret and the faster it will burn. I say rent a nice space for you and the kiddos


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

brokenmama said:


> So, we can't work it out. He won't stop seeing his other woman. Says he didn't mean for it to happen, didn't mean to hurt me. Wants to be there for me and the kids. (I am seven months pregnant with our second right now.) And we have a 6 year old daughter.


I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I am in a similar situation as well except I am 9 mos. pregnant and have an 8 year old son. Also, mostly was a SAHM this year but did do contracting work and freelancing up until June/July.



brokenmama said:


> I have to keep running the business with him. Me and the kids are moving out and leaving him the house, even though we did nothing to cause this. I am doing this because the house is in the country with no neighbors, and I would not be comfortable staying there with me and the kids alone.


It is so unfair that you have to move but it really is the best thing to do for you and your girls since you won't be so isolated by being in the country. Having to stay civil and see your WS/STBX is one of the hardest parts. I too will be moving out of this house with our boys but in November after I heal. You may wish to move sooner than later because it will become impossible in your final month and during recovery to do so.

If you could live with your mom temporarily, that might be a good idea - especially if she can support you emotionally and with the new baby. It might be good to have her around for you and your girls. Otherwise, I would suggest renting until life is more settled. You are going through a lot right now and committing to a house right now may not be the best idea - especially if the market isn't good where you live.



> As far as future relationships, who will want to date a 34 yo woman with 2 kids and a ex-hubby that she still works with?


I know it's hard but try not to think like this! It's very self-defeating. I don't want to be blunt but you are not the only single mother in the world - there are good men out there that are open to dating other single mothers.



> Hubby tells me all men cheat, and that whomever I am with will do it to. This does help my confidence in the future.


This is BS, don't believe it for a second. Just like there are good, loyal women who don't cheat, assume there are good men too that won't cheat. Your H needs to say this because it makes him feel less guilty and justified in his actions. There is nothing justifiable about what he's done or is doing. Deep down, he knows it.



> I am hurt thinking when I move out, that the OW will leave her husband and move into my house with my husband. But I suppose I can't stop that. Yet it hurts to envision.
> 
> I don't want her around my daughter, but I guess I can't stop that either.
> 
> ...


Everything you are thinking and feeling is completely normal. Like I said earlier, I am so sorry your are going through this. I know it hurts like hell. It isn't fair. All you can do is try to be strong for you, your daughter and this unborn child. Try to focus on the things in your life right now that you can control and lean on family, friends and this site if you think it's helpful, for emotional support.

One more thing I am doing/planning to do when my own baby is born, is signing up for single parent support groups/social groups, to try to find kinship that way. Like you, I never imagined I'd be a single mom and it's daunting but I hope that in finding others who can relate/give me guidance, it will help to make things easier.

Good luck, remember to try to rest and take care of yourself, eat right and take as many breaks as you need in order to get through the day. Your health and happiness and the health and happiness is what's most important.


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