# uses her toy to help fall asleep...



## crash test (Sep 6, 2013)

soooo....first off, I don't mind her toy when we're physically together...I'm very lucky that we have a strong sex life...she likes to watch porn with me when we're together and our 2 years together have been great...however, lately she's been using her toy to help fall asleep and at first it didn't bother me but it's starting to annoy me now...First of all, is it totally and completely weird that we watch porn together? Second, what about the use of the toy to help fall asleep? Sometimes when she has trouble sleeping I'll hear her turn it on and then I get annoyed and can't sleep...I haven't said anything about it yet because I enjoy her openess with the porn and I don't want to make her feel like I'm judging her and she'll get self conscious about her sexual desires etc...thoughts? thanks


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Um... so could that be a cue for you to join in? Maybe she would like your attention at those times? I don't know honestly, just grasping at straws. I do hope that you get it figured out.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Could be a couple of things..she has a higher sex drive and needs to release some of that tension or she could be stressed and is using sex to release that stress. Either way why aren't you offering to join in and assist?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

secret10 said:


> Um... so could that be a cue for you to join in? Maybe she would like your attention at those times? I don't know honestly, just grasping at straws. I do hope that you get it figured out.


:lol::iagree:


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

mineforever said:


> Could be a couple of things..she has a higher sex drive and needs to release some of that tension or she could be stressed and is using sex to release that stress. Either way why aren't you offering to join in and assist?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly. Were I to hear the whir of a vibe next to me, I'd be all over that. CLEARLY she needs a release, why not be the one to give it to her. Perhaps she's a bit passive-aggressive, but man, turn on a bit of alpha...


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

That's great for you ego. Tell her you'll make love to her and she falls a sleep while your on the rise.

Maybe stop watching so much porn and she wont need the toy.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Does she turn you down for sex in favor of the toy?

Do you guys watch porn and then go to sleep with no sex? I'm confused as to when the porn is being watched.

Orgasm is a great way to go to sleep, as everyone knows, I'm sure.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Do you masturbate without her? Either you're not getting the job done, she has a higher sex drive, she just wants to get a release on her own, or she really does use it for sleep. 

I see guys use the same mindset. They just want a quick release without all of the drama. Isn't it possible that women may want the same?

On the flip side, if she is favoring the toy over you, there is a deeper issue. Is she coming to you for sex frequently enough? You said you have a strong sex life but is it enough for you? What bothers you about the toy? Is she using the toy when you would rather her have sex with you? Are you telling her you want to have sex with her more? 

There's so many options to consider.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Are you guys married? Do you have opposite schedules? Are there children in the house?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Years ago (like 15) i used to work shifts; 7 earlies, 7 lates, 7 nights obviously with days off in between.

After a night shift I would get home and go straight to bed (wife worked opposite shifts)...my mind was still buzzing. The only way I could chill and fall asleep was to masturbate. Even if I didnt actually feel like it I used to 'force' myself because orgasm relaxed me and I feel asleep... Result.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

If she was sleeping and YOU wanted to masturbate next to her in bed, would she mind? Would she join in and help or watch and get turned on? What would her reaction be? 

If my wife were using her toy to help her go to sleep, I would want to help or watch her....or possibly turn it into mutual masturbation session so we both slept well afterward. Just a thought. 

I am impressed with your wife's confidence to do what she needs next to you in bed. That confidence is a good thing in my opinion! :smthumbup:


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I Notice The Details said:


> I am impressed with your wife's confidence to do what she needs next to you in bed. That confidence is a good thing in my opinion! :smthumbup:


Yeah, no ****! Personally, I think this is pretty awesome.

I mean, if there's a sex life (and a good one) outside of this, then there's really nothing to be upset about. To have a woman THAT confident, that she can pull out her toy and go to town with you right next to her? Awesomeness.

It's also pretty awesome because you're getting the benefit of having a choice. If you so choose, you can join in, help her out, take care of yourself at the same time, whatever. If you just want to sleep, then you can sleep.

HOWEVER, I would definitely join in every now and again. If you never do, she may wind up frustrated with you for not doing so. It sounds like she has a higher drive than you do, so when she starts doing this and you never join in, she may start taking it personally.

My ex wife once turned me down for sex, told me she was going to go have a bath, and 5 minutes later: "bzzzzzzz", coming from the bathtub.

I would only say this is an issue if there's not much, or no, sex apart from this. But from the sounds of it, you just have a high drive and very confident and sexual woman on your hands. Epic win.


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## crash test (Sep 6, 2013)

thanks for all the responses and for taking this seriously...couple of things to help paint the picture:

1) she'll use her toy to help fall asleep on both nights we have sex and nights we don't...we have sex 4-5 times a week...most of the time we orgasm together, not always but generally speaking that's how we finish.

2) she'll use her toy on nights we don't have sex, on nights we have sex but she doesn't orgasm and on nights we have sex and she does orgasm...she says it helps her relax and is not a sexual thing.

3) On nights we go to sleep without having sex and I hear her reach over to her drawer I engage 50% of the time...sometimes it's 3:00 in the morning and I just don't, that's life

4) There have only been a handful of times in the last 2 years that I can remember she's turned me down for sex...the times she did were due to timing and we ended up doing it later that day or night...as far as I now, she's never turned down sex in favor of the toy

5) I know she masturbates sometimes when I'm not home but she doesn't hide it, she'll tell me she did when I get home and usually with a mischevious grin on her face...like I said, I feel pretty lucky to have a mate that enjoyos porn...both with me and on her own...

so...basically, I've made a decision not to say anything at all, to join in whenever possible and enjoy what I've got.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Crash....you are a very luck man!!!!!!!!

Enjoy what you've got.


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## crash test (Sep 6, 2013)

thanks - I agree...I was married for 14 years to the exact OPPOSITE of my current wife...after our daughter was born we didn't have sex for 5 years...When I found out that she was having an affair, I left...a year later I met my current wife and things are obviously different


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

crash test said:


> so...basically, I've made a decision not to say anything at all, to join in whenever possible and enjoy what I've got.


Sounds like a plan to me!


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

This shouldn't bother you unless she ia turning you down. Offer to assist, get involved. Maybe do something earlier in the night to avoid the disturbance at bedtime


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

crash test said:


> thanks for all the responses and for taking this seriously...couple of things to help paint the picture:
> 
> 1) she'll use her toy to help fall asleep on both nights we have sex and nights we don't...we have sex 4-5 times a week...most of the time we orgasm together, not always but generally speaking that's how we finish.
> 
> ...


 Maybe what you should do is go to an adult store and buy yourself toys for men and use them on yourself and when she asks why, you can tell her, "Why not. You go to sleep impaled on a dildo every night so what's the big deal?"


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