# Husband is no longer attracted to me



## SMiller (Dec 5, 2011)

All, I'm new to this site and really need some advice. I feel physicially and emotionally ill over my situation and am not sure what to do next.

As background, a year ago I lost my job and haven't been able to find another despite hundreds of job applications, interviews, etc. It has been really hard on me, and my confidence and financal situation is at an all time low. In addition, I've had some health set backs which have contributed to some weight gain. I've been doing my best to cope with my situation, and try to be positive. 

I supported my husband (emotionally and financially) through a similar situation several years ago, but he hasn't been there for me now that it's my turn. Instead, he has pulled away from me emotionally and physically. We haven't had sex in one year. Our communication has dwindled. I try to talk to him, but he tunes me out by watching TV, or rudely interrupts me and starts to talk about something else. He gets enraged with me over the littlest of things, treats me like I'm stupid, and has become very critical of me. He has even embarrassed me in front of my friends and family. Most nights he is asleep at 7pm after drinking heavily (I don't drink), and has gained as much or more weight as me.

Yesterday was horrible. He started in the morning, verbally abusing me about some chores I was doing. I finally snapped and blurted out that he was abusive and hasn't shown me any affection in one year. He matter of factly said that it's because he is no longer physically attracted to me and that I've let myself go. When I began crying, he stated that he wasn't sorry that he said it, that it needed to be said. I left the house for several hours to think things through, and he didn't call me. We haven't talked at all today.

I am not sure what to do next. I am considering leaving him before he destroys me.


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## kallywana (Dec 2, 2011)

l understand how you feel my fellow woman. 
Marriage is sweeter when both are gainfully employed. You cannot kill yourself because you don't have a job. But you did not mention whether he provides for the family? Also, your husband does not like the fact that you have added some weight though it is not ur fault bcos of medical reasons. Why just try to do something about the weight. 

Also, your happiness should not depend on your husband or you will never be happy in your life though it is not easy to be starved of sex by ones husband for one year now, but have you tried to initiate sex or have you been waiting for him to start it. 

Marriage is supposed to be for better for worst. It is the duty of a woman to make peace in her home. 

Finally, make yourself attractive before he comes back from work, wear a light makeup and wear something sexy within one week he will come begging to have you back. Note that men are attracted by what the see.


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

He shouldn't be abusive, or withhold affection of course, but he has a need he didn't communicate effectively. I think the need (to have an attractive spouse) should be taken seriously, but that's my opinion (it's discussed in His Needs Her Needs by William Hartley).


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You dont mention if you have children or if you think your husband still wants you.
I am sure that he has his side of the story. Its rather hard to judge from just listening to you. Why did it stop one year ago. Did you refuse him then. It sounds rather absurd that all this is because you dont have a job.


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