# My ex wants to be best friends



## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

My x wife called round today, she seemed happy enough but she is a little evasive most of the time so it is difficult to read her. She was pleased to see our son, their has been little contact between the two of them since she left four weeks ago, but it did make me happy to see the two of them talking. My x tells me that she wants to be good friends with me and to tell you the truth on one level it would be a good idea if only for our sons sake. I have severe reservations as to this proposition ever working out, i still have strong feelings for her, but she has been horrible to me over the years and this is my lasting memory of her, i can't be friends i don't think as it is too soon for starters, and secondly the friendship she talks of is not one that would bring me any benefit, what is she going to do, complain to me about her new lover, he doesn't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, i can't be listening to this crap, i have a life to rebuild. My question for you guys is what the hell is she up to?

Love and peace always

KevinZX:surprise:


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

No best friends with your ex-wife! Address only subjects that deal with your son. She might be up to making you a Plan B & will work towards twirling you back in her finger. You said that she left 4 weeks ago. Did she moved in with her lover? Are you divorced now? How old are you and your ex-wife? How old is your son? You need to be very cautious about her motive. TAM posters will give you great advice. Don't ignore them. Sorry you are here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did she define what she meant by being good friends? Asking for that is just a way for her to feel better about herself. See she can now tell herself and others that what she did was not that bad since, after all, you two are remaining good friends.

It's not usually healthy to remain friends with someone who has hurt you and mistreated you this badly. So don't do it.

Instead just be a good co-parent with her. It's the old saying "Love your child more than you hate your ex."


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

KevinZX said:


> My x wife called round today, she seemed happy enough but she is a little evasive most of the time so it is difficult to read her. She was pleased to see our son, their has been little contact between the two of them since she left four weeks ago, but it did make me happy to see the two of them talking. My x tells me that she wants to be good friends with me and to tell you the truth on one level it would be a good idea if only for our sons sake. I have severe reservations as to this proposition ever working out, i still have strong feelings for her, but she has been horrible to me over the years and this is my lasting memory of her, i can't be friends i don't think as it is too soon for starters, and secondly the friendship she talks of is not one that would bring me any benefit, what is she going to do, complain to me about her new lover, he doesn't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, i can't be listening to this crap, i have a life to rebuild. My question for you guys is what the hell is she up to?
> 
> Love and peace always
> 
> KevinZX:surprise:


Wake up.

What she wants is to keep her hooks in you so that you'll be on standby as a soft landing should her relationship with OM go south.

Also, if she can convince you to be friends, it will assuage her guilt over having cheating and left. Because if you're cool with being friends after such a betrayal, then what she did must not have been so bad.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Let's guess your wife is seeing another man, probably cheated while you were married. You haven't binned her and being a nice guy continued to interact with her in some capacity (other than child) so much so she's slowly weaseling her way back into your life because you were a little bit of a soft touch?

Why does it matter what she's up to?

If a friend came up and punched you, you go the next day and apologize and he punches you again, takes your car but calls 2 months later saying let's be friends would you say yes?

She's cheated on you, treated you like trash so what does friendship mean?

Move on man, it doesn't matter what she's up to.


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

My wife moved straight in with her much younger lover, i am 50 my wife 49, our son is 21. What a fecking mess, i thought life was meant to get easier when the kids were fledged, i must have speaking to the wrong old person when i heard this.

Love and peace always

KevinZX


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## Sly Fox (Jun 6, 2017)

KevinZX said:


> My wife moved straight in with her much younger lover, i am 50 my wife 49, our son is 21. What a fecking mess, i thought life was meant to get easier when the kids were fledged, i must have speaking to the wrong old person when i heard this.
> 
> Love and peace always
> 
> KevinZX


I'm sorry to hear about this. I dont know how some people can just move in with someone else so quickly. So how old is this guy roughly?


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

My wife never wanted more than one child, he is 42 and 7 years younger then my wife, he has 4 kids, she likes them and they like her, she was never the best mum to our child, stories i could tell, some women and men have cheese grater for a heart, only happy when grating your life into the coleslaw. 

Love and peace always

KevinZX


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## Sly Fox (Jun 6, 2017)

I can see how you and your son must feel abandoned. You are trying to recover and move on, and it sounds like she already moved on so smoothly with her new instant family. It will catch up to her, and she will realize at some point she is living a lie. 

Agree with previous advice that you don't need to be friends with her. Just be civil for the sake of your son. Sounds like he's on your side, which is is good.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

They all want to be friends. It's for her not you.

Don't continue to be played for a fool. Your best bet is to cut off any contact with her. Your son is old enough there is no reason fo her to play any part in your life unless you like.

Not sure why you don't have her fully blocked unless you have codependency issues.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

She drops a bombshell on you telling you after 28 years of marriage she is sexually active with another man and wants a divorce. You have been replaced. 4 weeks later she wants to be your friend...

Tell her that is not what friends do to each other. That is what a traitor does. A Judas. Tell her she is the last person on the planet alive or whoever has lived you want to be friends with. Tell her in no uncertain terms. Myself, I'd never speak to her again. Son or no son. Your son asks just tell him your mother stabbed me in the back by cheating and then had the gall to ask lets be friends. Like I am suppose to sit at a barbecue with her and her boy toy. No son, sorry, I am not wired that way. She is still your mother but she is not my friend any more. I want nothing to do with her, in fact she disgusts me. 

No contact dude. 180 180 180 all the . Nurse yourself through this betrayal, divorce her quickly and go meet a woman worthy of your loyalty.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

No way, your son is 21 not a child. Co-parent, allies in child rearing yes. Friends no way.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, you're only 50. Get rid of this ex-wife of yours as quickly as you can and start a new life. Your son is already 21. See a psychologist to get your head on straight. You need to work on workself.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

KevinZX said:


> My x wife called round today, she seemed happy enough but she is a little evasive most of the time so it is difficult to read her. She was pleased to see our son, their has been little contact between the two of them since she left four weeks ago, but it did make me happy to see the two of them talking. My x tells me that she wants to be good friends with me and to tell you the truth on one level it would be a good idea if only for our sons sake. I have severe reservations as to this proposition ever working out, i still have strong feelings for her, but she has been horrible to me over the years and this is my lasting memory of her, i can't be friends i don't think as it is too soon for starters, and secondly the friendship she talks of is not one that would bring me any benefit, what is she going to do, complain to me about her new lover, he doesn't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, i can't be listening to this crap, i have a life to rebuild. My question for you guys is what the hell is she up to?
> 
> Love and peace always
> 
> KevinZX:surprise:



She wants to keep you on a leash. 

She doesn't want you moving on. 

She wants to hurt you. 

Take your pick. You need to let her know that because of her actions there is no friendship or relationship between you two. No friendship.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Tell her that you pick your friendship on character, and based on her character and integrity, you'll pass on that friendship all the same.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

She probably left the marriage years ago, maybe this is her AP, and she left when your son was grown up.

Move on and don't look back. 50 is young


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Man up and move on. Date around. She may see you with some real catches that won't cheat. 

She dug her hole, let her stay in it. Move on and actually be happy. She offers nothing. She's proved it already. 

Wake up. Dream time and happy endings are not with her. Ever. 

Your kid is how old? Move on. 

She wants her cake, eat it and **** all over you like everything's just fine.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

KevinZX said:


> My x wife called round today, she seemed happy enough but she is a little evasive most of the time so it is difficult to read her. She was pleased to see our son, their has been little contact between the two of them since she left four weeks ago, but it did make me happy to see the two of them talking. My x tells me that she wants to be good friends with me and to tell you the truth on one level it would be a good idea if only for our sons sake. I have severe reservations as to this proposition ever working out, i still have strong feelings for her, but she has been horrible to me over the years and this is my lasting memory of her, i can't be friends i don't think as it is too soon for starters, and secondly the friendship she talks of is not one that would bring me any benefit, what is she going to do, complain to me about her new lover, he doesn't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, i can't be listening to this crap, i have a life to rebuild. My question for you guys is what the hell is she up to?
> 
> Love and peace always
> 
> KevinZX:surprise:


Co-parent. That is all.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Don't do it. Being friends with her, like you said, will bring no benefit to you at all. I think it would be best to do the opposite, cut all ties with her unless your son is involved. She had her chance with you, and she blew it. Maybe somehow she'll figure out her actions have consequences.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Your son is 21 so there's no need to even co-parent or be involved at all in her life. Simple answer to her should be a very blunt "no"!


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## InspiralImplode (Jun 13, 2017)

She feels terrible. But it's not your job to help her to feel better in this. I hope you are doing well?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

KevinZX said:


> My x wife called round today, she seemed happy enough but she is a little evasive most of the time so it is difficult to read her. She was pleased to see our son, their has been little contact between the two of them since she left four weeks ago, but it did make me happy to see the two of them talking. My x tells me that she wants to be good friends with me and to tell you the truth on one level it would be a good idea if only for our sons sake. I have severe reservations as to this proposition ever working out, i still have strong feelings for her, but she has been horrible to me over the years and this is my lasting memory of her, i can't be friends i don't think as it is too soon for starters, and secondly the friendship she talks of is not one that would bring me any benefit, what is she going to do, complain to me about her new lover, he doesn't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, i can't be listening to this crap, i have a life to rebuild. My question for you guys is what the hell is she up to?
> 
> Love and peace always
> 
> KevinZX:surprise:


Narcissists gonna narcissist. This is why you really need to see this person for who she is. An *******. Most of these types of people are, you are better off with as little contact as possible.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

KevinZX said:


> My wife moved straight in with her much younger lover, i am 50 my wife 49, our son is 21. What a fecking mess, i thought life was meant to get easier when the kids were fledged, i must have speaking to the wrong old person when i heard this.
> 
> Love and peace always
> 
> KevinZX


Your life will get easier when you remove stupid selfish toxic people from it. That is really all. In about a year when this young guy gets tired of her she will come running back. Also she will get tire of playing step-mom, she couldn't even be a good mother to her own son. Right now she is caught up in la la land. When she does come back you should laugh in her face.


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## MarriageInJeopardy (Jan 14, 2016)

It's a trap. Stay far far away.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

With a friend like that, you won't need enemies.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Erase her from your life. Yours is a special sort of crazy. 180! Tell her she is nuts if she thinks you would want to be friends with a woman who stuck a knife in your heart. She is in the rainbows and unicorn mode right now. 

If you want to return to a state of happiness get into IC, and keep this crazy ***** out of your life.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't let her ease her guilt on your time. The answer is no.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

No more suffering...


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Well said, LIT61.
There are people that you keep in your life as they are complimentary to your life, then there is your ex wife; toxic, nasty, and an unrepentant cheat. There is a very good reason for her to keep you in her life, given she has a heart of ice, she is attempting to hold onto you, in case her new squeeze figures that he is done banging the old broad, and moves on. She has set herself up for this relationship to fail, and when it does, do not be surprised when she shows up on your doorstep, blubbering about a major mistake and please, please, please forgive her, and take her back. That would be the time that Kevin's new younger and prettier girlfriend should make her debut.


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