# i don't really want ot leave but i can't stay



## Riley22 (Nov 29, 2020)

I got the divorce papers recently and I set them aside... today after a simple discussion about career advancement...i open the envelope...things aren't really going to change and I know this... I sent him the hearing date ...he's fine and I'm trying to be fine... I know this is for the best... still hard though ... just wanted someone to talk to about it


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Riley22, can you provide more details about this? There are many here who have divorced and can help you along.
Do you have kids/ages? Your and H ages, length of marriage?
What precipitated the divorce from your H?
Sorry you are going through this.


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## Riley22 (Nov 29, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> @Riley22, can you provide more details about this? There are many here who have divorced and can help you along.
> Do you have kids/ages? Your and H ages, length of marriage?
> What precipitated the divorce from your H?
> Sorry you are going through this.


We were married less than 2 years, no children, ages 33 and 34. We've both been toxic to each other throughout the relationship ... realizing we were headed for divorce I started to straighten up and so he did however there's an underlying bitterness I sense and resentment...he lacks empathy as well as the drive to advance his career...I try to push him and bring up discussing it with him however it leads to him feeling even more frustrated and us fighting due 
to his responses..lack of responses or any disrespect that's directed at me... ultimately leads me to feeling like an idiot for sobbing over spilt milk...over a man who no longer respects me


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

He lacks drive to advance his career, so you try to push him? That's a bad idea. I suggest you take care to avoid that with future partners.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

IS this marriage something you (and he) WANT to try to save? If you both are toxic to each other, don't you think you would both be better off away from each other? If you Do want to save this, have you both tried marriage counseling?

You may want to try counseling to help YOU cope with your feelings and work on your communication skills with partners - this will help you in your next relationship.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Divorce is easier than trying to make him fit your image of who he should be.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

My only suggestion is to choose a spouse who you feel is heading in the direction you want them to. Some men will be happy in their current position and not want to advance. Some will have a single-minded need to advance. Some will be in the middle. (None of those are the "correct" or "incorrect" approach.)

You shouldn't try to change the person you get into a relationship with. Instead, find someone that fits what you are looking for.


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## Riley22 (Nov 29, 2020)

Thank you everyone for your responses! Y'all made some good valid points that were addressed in the beginning of the relationship eg what and where we want our lives to go 


jlg07 said:


> IS this marriage something you (and he) WANT to try to save? If you both are toxic to each other, don't you think you would both be better off away from each other? If you Do want to save this, have you both tried marriage counseling?
> 
> You may want to try counseling to help YOU cope with your feelings and work on your communication skills with partners - this will help you in your next relationship.


I'm unsure...tbh ...Yes we started with individual therapy as we were bout to transition into marriage counseling we shifted in states and careers so we're in the process of getting counseling for the relationship now as well


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## Riley22 (Nov 29, 2020)

Thanks everyone for your responses! career goals and life was something we did address in the beginning of our relationship since I have high specific career goals and desire to travel. It's only been more of an issue as the last few months when I realized he wasn't taking things as seriously as I would prefer, but I agree, this is something I will extra emphasize in future relationships as I saw it was an issue with this relationship. Thank you all again!


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