# Almost-ex becomes very ill



## SomeBloke (Nov 17, 2010)

We are only waiting for the decree absolute. My soon to be ex-wife has written to tell me that she has been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumour. I don't know much more, but the prognosis is not likely brilliant. 

She has asked that I don't contact her, which I have found impossible to respect. I've written a conciliatory letter to try to make my peace with her. I normally respect such things, but I am too uneasy with how things lie between us.

The marriage foundered because of our differing temperaments and responses to the infertilty (hers) which cursed it from the outset. There was no wrongdoing on either side, just bad luck badly handled. Love went astray.

The divorce was her wish, and has been remarkably amicable. There were inevitably some points of friction, and too many bitter words (mine), which is why I think she has asked me not to write. Though I was the wrong husband for her, I loved her very much, and care what happens to her. We were still living together - but separately - only two months ago.

I don't need to be 'involved' in any way, but if it really does come to the worst, I know I must pay my last respects, but fear that her parents will keep me away.

I'm all at sea. 


Al


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I would just send a letter or email that says you understand she doesn't want to hear from you, and that you won't contact her again after this, but you wanted to apologize for the bad feelings between you two and that you hope for the best for her. Maybe end it by saying something to the effect of you're willing to try to be friends, if she'd like to be or something like that. 

Then, just respect her wishes and leave her be. You may never be able to pay your respects, and you may never be friends. If you truly care, the best thing you can do is respect her wishes.


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I'm at a loss for words and advice on this one. I know I would be a blubbering mess if this were my ex-wife.

This was one of the few times I cried and broke down during my divorce. . .imagining her dying. . .and nobody being there for her.

I dont' know. . .it would be hard for me to just let her be. If she has family support, maybe. . .if she is alone, I'd go to her. 

But I will say I am not sure this is the best advice.


----------



## manny1 (Nov 9, 2010)

Tell her you will be there for her if she needs anything and then back off I think she might be telling you that her situation is about her and not you. So make sure that is what it is. She needs to focus on her physical health and strength not emotional turmoil that the divorce is causing. Which is how I would see it if I was in her shoes.


----------



## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

Offer your help if you feel like but don't push yourself in if you are not wanted by her and her family. It is important to show your will to help and to be there so your mind will be in peace but if she don't want you and you and you keep insisting you can make it harder for both of you.


----------

