# Why doesn't he want to spend time with us



## adamson (Feb 2, 2013)

My husband is always outside on the porch he use to spend time with the kids and I and go to the park I don't know just play spend time with us now days he just quit he yells all the time he spends all his time outside when the kid's and I get home he runs outside and stays out there he goes to bed around 5 am and sleeps all day or gets up later on and just stays outsides we ask him do u want to play football or anything video games go to the park and he always says no what is wrong what should I do?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

That's a record long sentence / question.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Going by this post and your other one,I'm wondering why you're even with him.He doesn't really add much to the mix,does he?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

So he doesn't have a job, stays up all night, sleeps all day and only comes around when you have money.

A dog would contribute more to your life than this guy does.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long has your husband been unemployed?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sounds like depression and/or he's checked out of the family.


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## KeepLoveGrowing (Feb 1, 2013)

Have you tried to get an explanation from him?

I think in your shoes I'd lay down some pretty serious ultimatums. If he wants to be part of the family then he needs to be PART of the family, and not just when it's convenient for him. If he doesn't want to be...well then, show him his way to the door.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*He sees you not as a wife but as a sugarmoma (money bank).*


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband was this way for most of our relationship.

Turns out he has been "pretending" to love me romantically, be in the marriage, etc...since the beginning and even after the first time he left 1.6 years ago...(moved back in 3 months later). He just dropped this 2nd bomb on me Jan 7.

He was forgiven the first time. Now I'm filing divorce.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

How's your sex life?


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## adamson (Feb 2, 2013)

@ EleGirl He hasn't work for 2 years he say's he is looking but I know he isn't. @ Drover our sex life is ok. @KeepLoveGrowing yes I ask for an explanation y is always outside not spending time with us and he say's to get away from me he say's I complain all the time yeah I do complain all the time because if he see's what I do I go to school all the time 6am on the bus then get home by 4pm help kids do homework then I got to do dinner then baths then bedtime then I have to do my homework and out of all those times I only see him at dinner time by the time I get up in the morning he is already going to bed which is 5am in the morning I have no time to complain I barley say a word to him anymore because it starts a fight with him and I. I told him the other day I wanted to move out because I can't deal with this anymore and he tells me it's my fault and it's bull**** and then that's when he comes around but only for a day or two.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

adamson said:


> My husband is always outside on the porch he use to spend time with the kids and I and go to the park I don't know just play spend time with us now days he just quit he yells all the time he spends all his time outside when the kid's and I get home he runs outside and stays out there he goes to bed around 5 am and sleeps all day or gets up later on and just stays outsides we ask him do u want to play football or anything video games go to the park and he always says no what is wrong what should I do?


Is it possible your husband is depressed over something? Show him you care and are willing to go through it with him if he will let you.

Tell your husband he only has one shot at raising happy children. He only has one shot at being a loving dad with the least amount of regrets. The time is NOW to love his children and be the Dad he could be. Tell him this gently.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

adamson said:


> @ EleGirl He hasn't work for 2 years he say's he is looking but I know he isn't. @ Drover our sex life is ok. @KeepLoveGrowing yes I ask for an explanation y is always outside not spending time with us and he say's to get away from me he say's I complain all the time yeah I do complain all the time because if he see's what I do I go to school all the time 6am on the bus then get home by 4pm help kids do homework then I got to do dinner then baths then bedtime then I have to do my homework and out of all those times I only see him at dinner time by the time I get up in the morning he is already going to bed which is 5am in the morning I have no time to complain I barley say a word to him anymore because it starts a fight with him and I. I told him the other day I wanted to move out because I can't deal with this anymore and he tells me it's my fault and it's bull**** and then that's when he comes around but only for a day or two.


I think I would be more upset over him laying around doing nothing and not looking for work.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

wow time to $hit or get off the pot so to speak.


you would be much better off with out him! no job dosen't help around the house and treats you like ......... gargabe.

whats he doing up all night......looking at porn? 

he might have depression or some other disorter going on.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Most men will balk, retreat, or are outright negative towards an ultimatum. If you want to work it out, then you need to give him some ground rules, expectations, and goals the he needs to meet for the marriage to continue in a way that will reduce the negativity of the ultimatum, imo.

Most people will say something like "I love you, but....." It is the "but" in the sentence that causes most people to be an azz. What works for me, and on me LOL, is for the ultimatum to be presented in such a way that I WANT to make a change. Something like this works best for me:

"I love you, and I want this to work, so I am going to ask you to help by doing...."

Using the word "doing" instead of the word "changing" gives him something to fix, if you say "change" there's going to be resistance. After telling him what he needs to do, give him some kind of timeframe or something else that will show you that he is working on it.

These are just suggestions, you may take them or leave them as you see fit. Good luck in whatever happens.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP hasn't been engaged in this thread since Feb. I assume we'll not hear from her again.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Heh! Guess I should have checked the date stamp.


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