# Husband wants to spend time together?? Confused



## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

Hello again everyone!

Well I'm just a little confused at this point. I have filed for divorce from my husband and it has been rocky to put it lightly. I have come to the point of acceptance that this marriage is over and I am trying to put my life back on track as a single woman with children (with one on the way.) My husband has been acting like a complete and total arrogant jerk towards me. He has shown no real interest in the marriage either. 

He has asked me to spend some time with him this evening. In the past, it has always consisted of him wanting sex. I would "give in"...well give in is not a good choice of words. I am an adult woman and I have needs but I also still had feelings for my husband. Silly me, I would always hope that it was a sign that he missed me and not just the regular sex. Of course time and time again, he would revert back to the same old obnoxious behavior making me feel even less respect towards him because I feel as though I am only good enough to sleep with and not be with (teenager like behavior.) As much as I know that this divorce is probably the best thing for me, I still have the tiniest bit of hope that he will want this marriage again. I'm wondering if I should spend time with him (WITHOUT SEX) or should I just pass and continue rebuilding ME. I still love him but there has been a lot of damage done and I don't want to fuel the flames anymore. I don't want to feel used for anything, whether it's just boredom or loneliness on his part. I'm not sure what I should do...Thanks Everyone


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Hi Y2011,

OK, I don't know. My gut instinct tells me to say to you to run in the other direction - as fast as you can move your feet! But, since you are expecting, I would think that you would want to give him at least one last chance.

_"I'm wondering if I should spend time with him (WITHOUT SEX)..."_

YES! Be strong, hold out! Do not give him that so you can see where he really stands...

If it's a booty call he is looking for...I say don't do it! If it is an absolute must for you - do everything you can to resist - He isn't the only fish in the pond!

If you give in you are in essence disrespecting yourself. Sorry to be so blunt. 

Unless you have completely let him go and are willing to do the sex part for ONLY yourself (which I don't say is right because you are sending him the wrong message), then only you can make the decision but make it based only on what you want out of him. The longer you keep this going, the longer it will take you to move on and find someone truly worth having you.

So try to see him (WITHOUT THE SEX) if you want to get a clearer picture on where he stands with you. If it gets him upset - tough sh**t! You deserve better! Just my .02 cents worth.


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## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

Thanks brighterlight

My daughter talked about daddy's friend and I realized I'm only good enough to see at night. No phone calls to check on me even though I'm 7 months pregnant, no contact unless its about the kids. I figure this woman friend gets your time during the day but I only get late night attention when its convenient for him. I can't live like that. His reason for wanting to spend time together is to "keep things cool" between us. I decided we can be cool without spending time together. I don't see the point in it anymore. A few weeks ago I would have been happy to see him, I thought there was still a chance for us. Now I just want to move on. 

My kids are taking this hard too. They may act like they are okay, but I now see they are just going through the motions. I'm trying to be strong for them. They don't see mommy and daddy together at all but they see his friend. Its heart wrenching.
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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

If every time in the past he has only wanted you for sex, I say pass. He knows you'll give him what he wants so that is why he continues to do so.
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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I agree with DG. But there is no reason you can't continue a friendly relationship if not for you for your kids ake. And i dont mean a physical relationship, i mean a friend "without benefits" relationship. Nothing at all wrong with keeping it cool between you two. As a matter of fact, it will help you move on. If he is happy with that then great he respects you. If he gets standofish or starts to get upset at the no physical stuff then he doesnt respect you and i suggest you cut the strings except for anything related to tge kids. Its really up to how you will feel the most comfortable.
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## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

I realize that we can keep things cool, but friendship is a stretch. As long as we can talk about the kids I'm ok. Of course it has to be his way all of the time which just isn't reality. I just want to move forward and respect him as a father and that's it, not as a husband or even a person I like. Just a father.
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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

And that works! I agree that for some people there is too much pain there to continue a freindship. I guess it depends; in my case, we were married 31 years almost 32 and dated 6 years before that. I was very close to her family and her brother is like the brother I never had - still is. So although it may pose some issues up the road (I don't know), I would like to remain freinds. But that is it just friends. At least we will try; I can't say how life will change if someone new comes into the picture for both of us. I don't mean from her and my perspective either, I mean that maybe the OP will have issues with us being friends. I don't know, it's all new to me so I am still learning as I go along.


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