# Explanation for cheating in women



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce. 

I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

So what is your point? That there are crappy husbands out there who deserve to be cheated on? Ok you made it. But if we were to use the same moral of your short story, shouldn't you also caution women, who are crappy wives, that they are sowing the seeds of being cheated on by their good but disrespected husbands?


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

```
Run. Cheater.decode.
```
running..



> She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband.


This attractive woman is having sex with another man and her husband seems to have noticed that his wife of X years is no longer engaging with him.



> He participates in few activities with her


She has activities that he is not invited to since she is leading a double life. One at home with hubby and kids and as much time as possible with Other man having sex. 



> and is bossy and dominating.


Controlling too? 
Perhaps he asks her where she is going and what she is up to when she vanishes, perhaps he wonders why her phone is glued to her hand all the time. Why she all of a sudden has pass locked everything. Why she refuses to answer simple questions.



> She tried to make things work without success


Then she should have left him. She should have done this when there was a chance of an amicable split. She didn't. She has chosen to have an affair and destroy him , her kids opinion of her and smash any trust they ever had in grown ups.. Way to go.




> and she accommodates him 80-90% of the time.


Meaning? She says "yes" to this man who she no longer loves and gives him disconnected emotionless sex?



> I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.


She will lose half the assets, half the money, have to find a full time job and the kids will be from a broken home. Because.. she is having an affair.


```
end cheater decode.. exit
```


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think this is the most common justification among cheaters. It is like saying "I needed some money and the bank manager wouldn't give me any, So I had to rob the bank. I did not want to hurt the bank manager". Cheating is ultimately very self serving, but the cheaters try to turn it around and make it seem that they are doing a great sacrifice by staying and keeping the family together.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> I have a women friend who is having an affair.


Aha! Who is her AP?



Bobby5000 said:


> For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.


How could you say she is nice when she has an affair like that? Where are her morals? She stays in the marriage for children? Then why is she having an affair? For sex? For attention? For respect? How come he is a good father? Your statements are contradictory, dude.



Bobby5000 said:


> I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


Get the WS to get counseling rather!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Are you the man she is banging Bobby?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
> 
> I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


You also stated in your other thread that there is moral justification for cheating. This seems another installment of this same rhetoric. People have different value systems. 

It seems she has confided in you about her affair ... You are willing to take a cheaters word on this. So she is willing to share herself with another man but stay in a cake eating relationship. Nice woman.

Lyin Eyes


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
> 
> I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


She is not "nice", nice people don't cheat, lie and expose their spouses to STD's. My H was convinced that he had "tried to make things work" too, and he did, just not with me. He sat on anything that bothered him and made me think that our marriage was ok, not unlike your cheating friend. She does not want a D, because she wants to go on having her cake and eating it too. BTW, you need to get a better class of friend.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
> 
> I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


Nice? She is the most cruel of human beings. Her husband pledged the rest of his life to sharing a dream with her, and instead of forcing him to face his weaknesses, she snuck into a dark corner and made a mockery their promise to each other, turning his dream into a lie. She is heartless, cold and a coward. Words like nice and noble would only apply to her if she didn't seek the comfort of his wallet while banging another man.

See? I turned your childish romance novel into an illustration that uses words much like your own, just to "sell" a story to a crowd. We see it every week on this site - the noble woman who is kind, loving, and sh!ts golden eggs. Married to an ogre who wears the mask of a man. The truth is that she she is just a normal, yet weak human being who took the easy way out. We see the man come hear who feels like his life is cursed, and he falls prey to the other woman, breaking the heart of his perfect wife - yet he simply cannot seem to figure out how to be strong for her. The truth of your storybook romance is that her husband is a man who may deserve divorce, but offers enough to her that divorce is unnacceptable.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


 You can take her word for all this since history has shown us here on this board that cheating spouses are honest people that never remakes history and bad mouth their spouses in order to blame shift as they cheat. NOT!!!!!

Cheaters script:
* Remake history - check.
* Blame shift - check.
* Bad mouth spouse - check.
* Saying that the spouse is bossy and controlling because they question your lies and secrecy - check.
* Emotionally leave the marriage as you commit to someone else and then blame your spouse for reacting to this - check.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
> 
> I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


Thanks for explaining...

But your friend is being a selfish wh0re. She should pull her head out and leave the guy if things are that bad. Sticking around for the kids is a lame excuse, IMO. And more harmful to them in most cases!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Even a cold husband doesn't deserved to be betrayed.

Your friend should of divorced her husband, then move along with a new relationship.

My ex was an abuser and unfaithful to me. I could not bring myself to date until after my divorce. Even though I moved out and moved very quickly. It wasn't until 3 months after our divorce I started dating. I couldn't even think about cheating even though I was cheated on.


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## WeDoExist (Mar 6, 2012)

I just found out less than a month ago that my wife of less than 2 years cheated on me while I was out of state, doing mandatory training for my job. I had no frickin idea. But I do know that she said the same crap your friend is saying. It's all BS. Cheating is NEVER justifiable. No matter how bad a relationship is... you can always leave. Cheating just makes it much, much worse. I would've rather chopped off my hand then have my wife cheat on me. If you were her true friend, you would stop her from this destruction. Real friends say what is hard to say, and support what is RIGHT. You are just enabling her to do this.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

WeDoExist said:


> If you were her true friend, you would stop her from this destruction. Real friends say what is hard to say, and support what is RIGHT. *You are just enabling her to do this*.


:iagree:

By giving her emotional support for her destructive behavior, you are proving that you are no friend.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I can certainly appreciate the pain of infidelity. In this case, a woman in a past relationship had also cheated on him. Let me respond to comments. 

Quote:
She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. 

This attractive woman is having sex with another man and her husband seems to have noticed that his wife of X years is no longer engaging with him.

No he is cold. This is not simply her perception but most other people. Others are offended at the way he treats her. 


Quote:
He participates in few activities with her 

She has activities that he is not invited to since she is leading a double life. One at home with hubby and kids and as much time as possible with Other man having sex. 

Again mistaken. He chose not to participate in many activities such as parties, functions, etc. He chose to exclude himself from a family and not act as a couple, and she then had an affair. 

Quote:
and is bossy and dominating. 

Controlling too? 
Perhaps he asks her where she is going and what she is up to when she vanishes, perhaps he wonders why her phone is glued to her hand all the time. Why she all of a sudden has pass locked everything. Why she refuses to answer simple questions.

Misplaced speculation. Obviously suspicion about her activities would be reasonable under the circumstances. He is dominant about other things, taking care of the children, reserving his own free time while delegating worker her, controlling money, choosing where to go and what to do. His dominance has little to do with jealousy. If he were caring and loving, but jealous, that would be understandable but it's not the case. I am not making a judgment about other situations, just this one. 


Quote:
She tried to make things work without success 

Then she should have left him. She should have done this when there was a chance of an amicable split. She didn't. She has chosen to have an affair and destroy him , her kids opinion of her and smash any trust they ever had in grown ups.. Way to go.

It's a tough call. She is concerned about her children and he is a good father. I would not disagree that a clean break would be the better thing than lingering on in a lousy relationship. 

Quote:
and she accommodates him 80-90% of the time. 

Meaning? She says "yes" to this man who she no longer loves and gives him disconnected emotionless sex?

Was not talking about sex (don't know enough about their love life). I am speaking about division of chores, money, free time, etc. I think she is looking for appreciation, caring, love, and affection, things she was not getting. Her efforts to improve the relationship, discuss problems, get counseling, were completely unsuccessful. 

Quote:
I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce. 

She will lose half the assets, half the money, have to find a full time job and the kids will be from a broken home. Because.. she is having an affair.

They make about the same salary, actually I think she earns a little more. I don't think they saved a whole lot, so I am not sure how much she would lose. I don't think she is happy doing this, but he does not seem to want to or be able to change, and she does not seem to be able to initiate a divorce.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

She sounds like a selfish clown to me, Bobby.

A divorce is the right way to go, regardless of whether there are kids or not.

He may be cold, so what? She should separate from him if she's not happy. Is she the perfect wife? (this thread is a hint in itself!)

I'm an introvert myself and would prefer not to go to parties, events etc unless they are of general importance. Does that make me cold? Do I have to do what other people want or expect all the time to be accepted?

My wife tried to blame me when she cheated. Trust me, a divorce would have been better. Even for the kids. 

If he didn't want to act as a couple then maybe she checked out of the marriage BEFORE HIM and was pushing him away as she scoped out opportunities elsewhere. It is often the cheater who decides the marriage is broken first, but they are so self absorbed that they don't give their partner a chance to rectify the issues.

You say she tried councelling etc but it didn't work. A divorce paper would.
But she would lose half of everything? She will anyway when he finds out - and he WILL find out eventually. And you will be party to that.

If you have any respect for this lying, cheeting friend of yours, convince her to divorce. At that point she is free to do as she choses.

And if she won't because she's scared of losing everything, then you will know exactly what a lying, manipulative, untrustworthy, insidious, selfish, childish, greedy, treacherous leech you have as a friend.

And as a side; anything she can do to a person she legally swore exclusivity to, she can do to someone she didn't commit to. Such as, for example, a friend.

There is no excuse.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

so her husband is a jerk, she's a bigger jerk


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

She sounds like a selfish clown to me, Bobby.

A divorce is the right way to go, regardless of whether there are kids or not.

He may be cold, so what? She should separate from him if she's not happy. Is she the perfect wife? (this thread is a hint in itself!)

I'm an introvert myself and would prefer not to go to parties, events etc unless they are of general importance. Does that make me cold? Do I have to do what other people want or expect all the time to be accepted?

My wife tried to blame me when she cheated. Trust me, a divorce would have been better. Even for the kids. 

If he didn't want to act as a couple then maybe she checked out of the marriage BEFORE HIM and was pushing him away as she scoped out opportunities elsewhere. It is often the cheater who decides the marriage is broken first, but they are so self absorbed that they don't give their partner a chance to rectify the issues.

You say she tried councelling etc but it didn't work. A divorce paper would.
But she would lose half of everything? She will anyway when he finds out - and he WILL find out eventually. And you will be party to that.

If you have any respect for this lying, cheeting friend of yours, convince her to divorce. At that point she is free to do as she choses.

And if she won't because she's scared of losing everything, then you will know exactly what a lying, manipulative, untrustworthy, insidious, selfish, childish, greedy, treacherous leech you have as a friend.

And as a side; anything she can do to a person she legally swore exclusivity to, she can do to someone she didn't commit to. Such as, for example, a friend.

There is no excuse.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I agree that you are enabling this type of behavior. Whether her husband is "cold" or whatever, what she is doing is still wrong.

I ended a friendship years ago for this type of behavior, and I hated her husband to the core, but still didn't think she was being "nice".


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Say Bobby, would you expect your SO to do the same if she has a problem with you?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

What Bobby is trying to say is that when the hammer drops, he (or she) will be joining the cheater in placing the blame on the jerk husband in order to elevate the cheater about ten rungs higher on the approval ladder than she deserves.
Just a word in regards to stringing along a busted marriage because of "concern for the kids". My ex never lifted a hand toward helping financially for our "relationship. When the feces hit the fan, she told "our" kids that I too, was controlling and was the reason for it's failure. One of them went along with her, (her son), the other could see what it was for what it was, (her daughter).
Anybody who is so unhappy in marriage that they are having any kind of affair and is staying, is an IDIOT.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

So she makes more than him but afraid to split for financial reasons? Something doesn't add up.

Looks more like she's a cake-eater, pretending she secretly f**s around for sake of the kids.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Absolutely no reason to not divorce here, she is checked out and no longer willing to fulfill her end of the bargain, instead of having morals and ending it she is going to lie and string him along using him up for whatever value she gets to pick and choose while leaving him in the dark as to why his life and marriage has turned out so crappy, and preventing him from being able to fix his own life.

There is no excuse to string your betrayed spouse along. If he is a good father now he will be an even better father once he is free of the parasite.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

snap said:


> So she makes more than him but afraid to split for financial reasons? Something doesn't add up.
> 
> Looks more like she's a cake-eater, pretending she secretly f**s around for sake of the kids.


yep, cake eater who probably gets a kick out of being naughty, she is hurting her family so she can get a sexual thrill from her illicit affair.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Bobby5000 said:


> It's a tough call. She is concerned about her children and he is a good father. I would not disagree that a clean break would be the better thing than lingering on in a lousy relationship.


She's not concerned about her children, she's concerned about herself. If she were concerned about her children, she wouldn't be setting them up for a destructive disruption of their lives. She wouldn't be teaching them by example to be selfish. She wouldn't be teachig them that cheating is acceptable. In her "concern" for them, does she also tell them that it is acceptable to copy answers from other students?



> They make about the same salary, actually I think she earns a little more. I don't think they saved a whole lot, so I am not sure how much she would lose. I don't think she is happy doing this, but he does not seem to want to or be able to change, and she does not seem to be able to initiate a divorce.


So they earn about the same, or her a little more...so what? Look at the math: 2+2=4, or for her "little more," 2+3=5. Right now, she's living a "5" lifestyle. If she divorces, she cannot afford that "5" lifestyle if she's earning 3. So, she's more than ABLE to initiate a divorce...she just chooses not to. Because she's only concerned about herself and her own selfish wants.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Then why did she marry him if he was an emotional iceberg?

And if she was such a 'nice lady', why would she do the same horrible thing that his previous wife did to him?

I'm sorry but your 'nice lady' is neither nice nor a lady in my book.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am really sick of hearing excuses for people cheating. Bottom line is that unless aliens have taken over your body or dropped a Ceti Eel into your head, humans ARE in control of their own actions. There's not a person on the planet that doesn't know cheating's wrong. It's WRONG. If you cheat, you did something WRONG. Freaking own it or shut the h up.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

High five to Hope for the Ceti eel reference!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Grayson said:


> High five to Hope for the Ceti eel reference!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have nightmares about those things.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

There are 2 sides to every story.

What do you think the husband would say to how he's been treated in the relationship?


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> I can certainly appreciate the pain of infidelity. In this case, a woman in a past relationship had also cheated on him. Let me respond to comments.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Bobby5000 I laughed when I read the title and your words.... Even saying you did not approve means nothing on CWI.... There is absolutely no reason, debate or discussion possible on CWI, as they all wear the scarlet letter.

It is hopeless. A woman could come here and say she has refused to have sex with her loving husband for 5 years and was there only for the money and kids, he was a selfess lover who has the body of adonis and face of Brad Pitt and he has cheated on her. She will have 100% support here.

A man can come explain he put on 100 lbs, expects his wife to work full time, have dinner on the table the house clean, the laundry folded and put away while taking care of the kids and maintaining the body of Jessica Biel/January Jones/Sophia Vagera. He too expected sex 5X/wk including oral, refused to do it to her and can you believe the bi%ch, she cheated. He will be supported 100%....

Welcome to the lions den......


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Bobby5000 I laughed A woman could come here and say she has refused to have sex with her loving husband for 5 years and was there only for the money and kids, he was a selfess lover who has the body of adonis and face of Brad Pitt and he has cheated on her. She will have 100% support here.
> 
> A man can come explain he put on 100 lbs, expects his wife to work full time, have dinner on the table the house clean, the laundry folded and put away while taking care of the kids and maintaining the body of Jessica Biel/January Jones/Sophia Vagera. He too expected sex 5X/wk including oral, refused to do it to her and can you believe the bi%ch, she cheated. He will be supported 100%....


What's your point??


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Bobby5000 I laughed when I read the title and your words.... Even saying you did not approve means nothing on CWI.... There is absolutely no reason, debate or discussion possible on CWI, as they all wear the scarlet letter.
> 
> It is hopeless. A woman could come here and say she has refused to have sex with her loving husband for 5 years and was there only for the money and kids, he was a selfess lover who has the body of adonis and face of Brad Pitt and he has cheated on her. She will have 100% support here.
> 
> ...


In either case, the cheater had the option to not cheat. Either by not acting on their impulse to be with someone else, or by ending their marriage before doing so.

They opted to act with dishonor.

So, as Hope asked...what's your point?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Are you the man she is banging Bobby?


That's what I was thinking too.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Lyin Eyes


You know, this song was playing in a grocery store the other day while I was shopping. I started tearing up a little before I shook it off. I guess I still trigger.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
> 
> I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.


I hope her husband finds out, finds out you enabled her affair, and kicks your a$$.

I think I'm channeling Bandit. Good.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> What's your point??


Havesomethingtosay never has a point other than to stir the pot.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> What's your point??


Don't bother coming to TAM and expect any empathy or to rationalize cheating. There is only black or white, no shades of grey......


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Don't bother coming to TAM and expect any empathy or to rationalize cheating. There is only black or white, no shades of grey......


Can someone please pm me and tell me how to block this idiot?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> Can someone please pm me and tell me how to block this idiot?


Maybe this will help?


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## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

She is a very nice, attractive woman

"*Hmm..He smiled gently. "It is of the first importance," he said, "not to allow your judgment to be biased by personal qualities. A client is to me a mere unit, a factor in a problem. The emotional qualities are antagonistic to clear reasoning. I assure you that the most winning woman I ever knew was hanged for poisoning three little children for their insurance-money, and the most repellant man of my acquaintance is a philanthropist who has spent nearly a quarter of a million upon the London poor."*

*whatever is merely emotional is opposed to true cold reason...*


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I have a friend. She is attractive. 36-24-36 figure. She is a Sunday school teacher, has five PhD's, blonde, blue eyes, PTO president, meals of wheels volunteer, five kids (all distinguished honor roll), attentive mother, man is she the envy of all wives everywhere. But she is ******* other men. Why, because her no good, nose picking husband flicks boogers at her when she is home. Man, the whole town knows this guys as a wife booger flicker. Oh, he also always asks her to get him the remote for the t.v. I mean all the time, he makes her stop delivering meals to come home and get him the remote. He sits it down on the floor and he is so busy picking his nose that he insists that she gets him the remote. When she does, there goes another booger. But you know what? He is a great father. The best father in the world. 

Give me a break.


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## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

Let her divorce the booger or Boogie man and F**k around with the other boogies!!


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Don't bother coming to TAM and expect any empathy or to rationalize cheating. There is only black or white, no shades of grey......


There's an excellent reason for this but I will give you just one example.
I was "married" to my ex for just over twenty years. As best as I can tell, she was cheating on me in less than three months.
she bore two other guys children during the time we were "together" and had her idiot husband convinced that they were his and they resembled two other distant members of her family as well as her, so who knew?
She handed me the divorce papers the same day she informed me about the kids.
NOW: Do you really think that I would rather she just kept her actions to herself as she did instead of just telling me up front I wasn't what she wanted, other than my ability to provide her all the goodies she would end up after court proceedings?
Come here and ask me to justify your affairs and I'll tell you to divorce.
Come here and tell me that your spouse is cheating and I'll tell you the same.
Come here and tell me your "friend" is cheating because her husband does anything including beating her and I will tell you SHE needs to get a divorce and if YOU aren't suggesting it, YOU are enabling her.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Don't bother coming to TAM and expect any empathy or to rationalize cheating. There is only black or white, no shades of grey......


That's because there is no reason to cheat. If a marriage is terrible, the other spouse refused to do anything to fix it and you want to screw others, get a divorce and have at it. 

Many OM's that have come on Tam have made very little to no effort to tell their spouse they are having problems and the A , well, "it just happened", repeatedly and for several months in many cases. Such people try to rationalize it to fight off the guilt of what they've done by blaming a spouse who in a lot of cases has only committed the crime of keeping a roof over their head.


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