# a question about oral sex



## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

judging by the threads in this forum, oral sex seems to cause people a lot of anxiety. that surprises me. why?


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

kilgore said:


> judging by the threads in this forum, oral sex seems to cause people a lot of anxiety. that surprises me. why?


It doesn't surprise me at all. It seems like it's usually an issue with people who don't get it anymore but used to, or for what ever reason never get it at all and would really like too. Everyone wants what they can't have I guess. To me it's just something else to add variety to our sex life and to me at least, I think it's a real turn on (both giving and receiving) for a number of reasons. 

My main anxieties stem from the fact my wife never really would do it, claimed she couldn't. I pretty much accepted this for 35 years. Then I found out she had an affair and gave oral sex more than a few times to the OM. Well, that kind of led to more than a few anxieties on my part. It turns out she just didn't feel like it doing it before. Well she can't use that excuse anymore.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

I do agree with Harry that it may well be a case of the folks that aren't getting any or enough oral sex that may be feeling the anxiety. I think I would be down in the dumps if oral wasn't a regular part of my husband and I's repertoire.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

kilgore said:


> judging by the threads in this forum, oral sex seems to cause people a lot of anxiety. that surprises me. why?


Doesn't cause me any anxiety whatsoever, but I don't care to receive it, give it, want it, or even consider it. So, there's really no place for any anxiety to begin. =)


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

MrVanilla said:


> Doesn't cause me any anxiety whatsoever, but I don't care to receive it, give it, want it, or even consider it. So, there's really no place for any anxiety to begin. =)


In reality, it must cause you some anxiety because you mention it quite frequently saying how disgusting it is (makes you want to vomit just thinking about it) but that your wife has requested it from you. So it must be a source of great anxiety for her also since she has a husband that won't even consider it.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Before TAM, I thought it was something that everyone, or nearly everyone did regularly with their spouses. In our relationship, it's almost always been a part of foreplay, and is often the main course for one or both of us.

Seeing the differing experiences and attitudes about it here has really opened my eyes. I suppose it's something that both of us have taken for granted... I couldn't imagine a sex life without it on a regular basis, both giving and receiving.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

Abc123wife said:


> In reality, it must cause you some anxiety because you mention it quite frequently saying how disgusting it is.


Oh darn. Did I go and honestly answer an OP's question about sex in a forum about sex again? What ever was I thinking? I should probably stop doing that and just complain about other people's answers. When will I ever learn? 

*note: _sarcasm_


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

While I understand that for some women giving a man a BJ may be a turn off for them while most men love receiving a BJ. Their wives not giving them BJ I read often here is a big complain men have. I can't understand why a women would not want to receive oral sex. It's the only way I can have an O and I think I'm in the majority from what I have read. All I can think of it that it involves the mouth down there where we go to the bathroom, if you know what I mean. It doesn't cause me anxiety and I'm happy to give it and receive it. It's a big part of our sex life as my husband has ED. I think a lot of women think like I do it doesn't turn me on to give my husband a BJ but because he enjoys it that's why I do it. I like seeing him happy.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

kilgore said:


> judging by the threads in this forum, oral sex seems to cause people a lot of anxiety. that surprises me. why?


It seems like most of the posts here are from men who's wives don't want to give it and in some cases don't want to receive it. It's rare to hear of a man who doesn't enjoy both giving and receiving oral sex. It would be interesting to see if any men out there doesn't enjoy oral sex.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I love to receive, my H seems more then happy to oblige. At the current time I am dealing with some things mentally and just don't feel like receiving. But I do have fond memories of it. And I plan to get back to it eventually. 

I greatly prefer not to give. But my H understands the reasons. And if by some freakish chance of fate I do decide to do this for him he is highly appreciative since he knows where I have been and why I don't like to do it.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

My wife is happy to give and I love giving to her. No anxiety. Agree with others who surmise anxiety is in relationships where one wants and the other does not. 

Our only "difficulty" is that she is extremely ticklish in that region and the first seconds or minutes of my giving can make her go bananas until her arousal overtakes her ticklishness and a very deep and satisfying orgasm follows.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Hmmmmm, I too love to give and receive oral.

I love 69 whether I'm on top or she is on top.

I love to give my wifee oral and she can use her vib at the same time too. Usually never happens.

But she does give me BJ's and is fantastic at giving them and swallows every time.

But lately, I've been really stressed from work and I haven't got a BJ or oiled breast job in many months, so she initiated yesterday, first a BJ and then to an oiled breast job. I couldn't orgasm. She tried really hard but it felt forced and I couldn't orgasm. She sighed and got upset, that didn't help at all. For the oiled breast job, she already had toilet paper in her hand and the other hand over her breasts before I even was close to orgasm and that killed the mood for me and I told her so. She said, what's wrong? I told her, I'm getting older, you still haven't got a healthy high sex drive and the BJ and oiled breast jobs haven't happened in many months. Use it or lose it and I'm losing it. Now she is off to the naturopath to see what supps will boost her sex drive and fast. I find it funny because her being LD for 15 years and me getting older, I am now having issues getting an orgasm.......sad but true.

What's that called, Karma? Goes around eventually comes around?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I'm not sure I would call it 'anxiety'...but what point blank refusal to give your 'man' a bj and calling him disgusting for wanting it leads to resentment.

Providing it is clean, sucking your husbands c0ck is probably no different to sucking you thumb but gives an inordinate amount of pleasure. I accept some women might not like cum in their mouth etc. 

I have managed (not boasting here!) to send GF's into seventh heaven with my tongue...I got my pleasure from their pleasure.

I think wifes/GF's who refuse to pleasure their loved (?) ones this way deserve all the resentment etc they instill in their partners.

Marriage is all about give and take, meeting in the middle, making each other happy etc


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

It causes some anxiety here. 

Husband refused to give, but begged to receive for a long time.

Needless to say that built up lots of resentment, and insecurities.

Now we trying to work past it, and he is slowly starting to give, but it's a hard road.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

I only got the occasional BJ before meeting my second and current wife, and then something happened...I stopped liking it! I think it was the novelty of it made it extra hot but as soon as I could have one any time I wanted, it was like "this is cool, but I prefer the vagina".


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am more surprised that it causes anxiety in people...

Does not make sense to me.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

MrVanilla said:


> Oh darn. Did I go and honestly answer an OP's question about sex in a forum about sex again? What ever was I thinking? I should probably stop doing that and just complain about other people's answers. When will I ever learn?
> 
> *note: _sarcasm_


Oh darn! I guess I was just confused then by you "honest" answer that oral presents you with no anxiety. Nausea yes, anxiety no. Gotcha!


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Wife and I approached the bedroom early in our marriage with the thought that anything goes as long as it doesn't involve another person(s), pain/humiliation or animals. Therefore, oral was part of our repertoire from the beginning. Giving and receiving. For both of us. Definitely no anxiety here. I am a little confused as to why it is such a problem with others.


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

intheory said:


> I'm not surprised that it surprises you, kilgore
> 
> Mrs. Kilgore probably has no problem giving, right?
> 
> And, I can't imagine you not reciprocating.


how nice of u to say 
yes, i like doing it. and i of course like receiving. as i am not nearly big enough to cause gagging, it's not a trial for Mrs


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I am not surprised that oral causes a lot of disagreement for people. More so than almost any other sex act it is physically one-sided and intimate. The person performing oral sex generally does not get direct physical pleasure - though they may enjoy doing so, and enjoy their partner's reactions. It is far more intimate that using your hands or toys to stimulate a partner. 

There are also some women who have a bad gag reflex and who are essentially unable to perform oral sex, even though they want to.

At the same time, receiving oral sex feels really good to many men and women.

I believe it is a give that you should give your partner regularly - and that you should enjoy their response to that gift. They should do the same for you. It is not such a big think to ask that it is worth leaving your partner feeling frustrated and neglected.


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## KeepHangingOn (Jan 10, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> I only got the occasional BJ before meeting my second and current wife, and then something happened...I stopped liking it! I think it was the novelty of it made it extra hot but as soon as I could have one any time I wanted, it was like "this is cool, but I prefer the vagina".


I never got the offer, but I can't imagine not wanting it!


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## KeepHangingOn (Jan 10, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> There are also some women who have a bad gag reflex and who are essentially unable to perform oral sex, even though they want to.


I don't understand this either - surely you could modify technique if this was a problem. Deepthroating is not a requirement.


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## KeepHangingOn (Jan 10, 2013)

MrVanilla said:


> Doesn't cause me any anxiety whatsoever, but I don't care to receive it, give it, want it, or even consider it. So, there's really no place for any anxiety to begin. =)


That's just sad. Especially if your wife feels otherwise.


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## KeepHangingOn (Jan 10, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> At the same time, receiving oral sex feels really good to many men and women.
> 
> I believe it is a give that you should give your partner regularly - and that you should enjoy their response to that gift. They should do the same for you. It is not such a big think to ask that it is worth leaving your partner feeling frustrated and neglected.


:iagree:


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

KeepHangingOn said:


> That's just sad. Especially if your wife feels otherwise.


I know a guy that can’t stand the smell of an onion. Slice into an onion with him in the room and he gags and runs out. He has a physical reaction. Some people don’t like Brussel sprouts, or cooked canned spinach. They’ve tried a food once and they didn’t like it. That’s their reality, and for these people it’s not a matter anxiety. It just is what it is. Since they know they don’t like it, they probably won’t try it again. 

The people who really enjoy those foods might think it’s sad, or that the people who don’t like these things are missing out and that's okay. I tried giving oral once and I didn't like it. There's nothing wrong with trying new things. 

My LW and I had been together for 18 years before she mentioned how she enjoyed giving and receiving oral. That caused some anxiety at first, but it’s passed. So now I learned that there's nothing wrong with knowing who you are and what you like, even if it's different than others.


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## Peachie (Jul 10, 2014)

Tried it once, didn't like it? 

Wow.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

kilgore said:


> judging by the threads in this forum, oral sex seems to cause people a lot of anxiety. that surprises me. why?


receiving oral was a huge source of anxiety for me. So much that I refused to let anyone do it until my ex. My ex did it but I hated it.I felt dirty and violated. I worried about how I looked,how I smelled,how I tasted. It was painfully awkward having his head between my legs...it was more intimate and invasive than any position for intercourse. 

I had no problem giving though. It was easier putting someone else in a state of vulnerability. 

Receiving oral is the most intimate thing ever for me. It took a while before I let DH give me oral. He wanted to do it from the start and I just couldn't. I am sooooo glad I changed my mind! no anxiety anymore LOL


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## sexlessmarriage28 (Jul 16, 2014)

Oral sex is important in a long term commitment. Many women and men in marriages do not know how to please their partners, sometimes this is due to lack of experience other times it's selfishness. One thing is certain those who are in successful long term relationships (and there are many) know how to please and make it a priority to keep their partners satisfied, oral sex is only a variable to the equation.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Only anxiety caused is wondering when the next time will be.....if I was a gambling man I would bet tonight:smthumbup:


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