# Bad childhood because of Mother's Mental Illness.



## sargam (May 25, 2017)

So I did not know where to post this topic as it contains mature/depressing discussion about my childhood.:crying:

However I have posted it here in Mental Health Issue as my mom suffered from Bipolar Disorder / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and had a borderline personality Disorder (BPD) . This deadly combination made her tough to live with and she was so aggressive and stubborn that she refused to take any medications / treatment.

She would say that the rest of us (me , my dad and my granddad) were conspiring against her and we were the ones who needed therapy. 

She was so aggressive and repeatedly picked up fight with strangers that we had to move from City to Country side so that we could be away from people and we did not face issues (legal) or face social embarrassment. However this too was a problem for her as the isolation gave her more time to get lost in her own mind developing abrupt intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that lasted for few hours to few days.

We had hired many care takers but all our efforts failed and we ended up spending time as well as compensation to the caretakers.

Due to this I missed a lot of schooling as I had to take care of my mom and granddad (who was weak due to old age) while my dad earned to put bread and butter on table. 

I just wanted to share this story with you so that I could feel less burdened , letting my my relax after expressing to readers here.

There are many more details and aspects to my childhood which I have not shared with many people.

Thanks for reading my post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry for what you went through. IT was clearly not fair for you as a child to have to endure that.

Hopefully you have been able to move on to a better life for yourself now that you are an adult. Sometimes I think that we spend our adult years getting over what our parents did to us. Such a waste.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Sorry to read about your childhood.

Are you getting the support that you need? How old are you?

What's important, IMO, is to learn social skills so that you can create a support network for yourself. 

Do you have any questions on how to manage the here and now?


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## sargam (May 25, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I'm sorry for what you went through. IT was clearly not fair for you as a child to have to endure that.
> 
> Hopefully you have been able to move on to a better life for yourself now that you are an adult. Sometimes I think that we spend our adult years getting over what our parents did to us. Such a waste.





NextTimeAround said:


> Sorry to read about your childhood.
> 
> Are you getting the support that you need? How old are you?
> 
> ...


Thanks for your reply 

I am 31 years old and as mentioned since I grew up on country side away from interaction with people. I meet very few people here as I try to avoid any human contact with my family.

I have tried to mingle socially but It always ended up in embarrassment .

Like one time when I was in high school , one of my male friend came over to our home to meet my mom. What happened was an embarrassing situation for me and my friend.

My mom who is a racist firstly insulted the guest and then falsely accused him of taking advantage of me and called me woman of easy virtue in front of him.

"Stop getting into my daughter's pants as I don't want interracial kids as my grand kids" she blurted out. At this point he got up and left and never talked to me again.

Since then I avoided friends and also never invited any people at home.

I have never dated a man or kissed a man and I must admit that I am a virgin.

I try to be positive in life but sometimes my heart aches when I see people my age settling down , getting married and having kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sargam said:


> Thanks for your reply
> 
> I am 31 years old and as mentioned since I grew up on country side away from interaction with people. I meet very few people here as I try to avoid any human contact with my family.
> 
> ...


You do have the option of moving out of your mother's home. Then you do not have to worry about her embarrassing you. Or you can socialize away from home if you cannot afford to move out of your mother's home.


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

I'm sorry. I feel your pain and hope things get better. My mother had some issues as well but she was rather functional until the end. You will feel guilt if you leave, and resentment if you stay. Decide what's best for yourself. Look into caregivers in the area. There may be some local and nationwide programs to help.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I hope that you can find some local support services. Your goal should be to find a job in order to be able to move away from your mother.

The more you are dependent on her in any way, the more she feels entitled to treat you poorly.

I've had problems with my mother, not to the same degree that you have, but I'm sure similar in kind. The myth that parents, particularly mothers, will protect and support their children does not always apply.


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## sargam (May 25, 2017)

NextTimeAround said:


> I hope that you can find some local support services. Your goal should be to find a job in order to be able to move away from your mother.
> 
> The more you are dependent on her in any way, the more she feels entitled to treat you poorly.
> 
> I've had problems with my mother, not to the same degree that you have, but I'm sure similar in kind. The myth that parents, particularly mothers, will protect and support their children does not always apply.





EleGirl said:


> You do have the option of moving out of your mother's home. Then you do not have to worry about her embarrassing you. Or you can socialize away from home if you cannot afford to move out of your mother's home.


I have tried to leave her but she gets very emotional and has always tried to pull me back and change my mind.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

sargam said:


> I have tried to leave her but she gets very emotional and has always tried to pull me back and change my mind.


A good counselor can help you learn to set healthy boundaries for YOURSELF which will enable you to get out from under your mother's toxic manipulation.

But you have to want this for yourself, and truly believe that you have the right to live your OWN life, not the one your mother is demanding of you.

It will be hard work to shed years and layers of the emotional abuse she heaped on you, but it can be done--you just have to fight for it. Find an effective therapist, make a plan for small changes, and set deadlines for these changes. For example, "by August 15th I'll be in therapy, by October 1st I will have a job, by next April I will be in my own apartment", etc. Healthy new boundaries will help you frame things differently and achieve these goals.


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## sargam (May 25, 2017)

Thanks everyone for all your valuable suggestions


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