# Emotional Affairs and Big Question!



## angrybuttrying (Jun 17, 2013)

I'll try to be brief. My wife of 16 years (and 3 kids) and I began to have serious issues in our marriage a year or two ago. I basically was not treating her with respect, nor myself for that matter, and slowly she drifted away from me, building up some resentment for me, etc. 

On a long plane trip overseas, she met a foreign guy (also married with kids), obviously they exchanged contact info, and for about 3 months they became emotionally involved with each other. It was pretty serious for the at least a month or two, although all interaction was strictly via email. No calls, no gifts, no pictures, nothing like that, just email correspondence.

I discovered the betrayal, confronted my wife, I asked her to break it off immediately, which she did. To my knowledge, there has been no contact since then (about 5-6 months ago). After going through this Hell, we've been to counseling and have decided to stay together and are making good progress - thank God. I am very optimistic about our future, as we both have made dramatic changes and learned a lot from this ordeal. 

Side note: my wife has NEVER cheated before, and wasn't looking to this time, but she was very vulnerable emotionally and made the mistake of getting emotionally involved with someone else.

I have an intense desire to contact this guy's wife and let her know of his betrayal, and yes I have proof (emails). 

My Question (I know, finally!): Should I contact her?

I welcome your thoughts and advice! Thank you.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

99% of the time I think it would be mandatory. 

But this time I will make the 1% exception.

If the other guy lives far away I see no need to bother his wife about this. Mostly on cultural grounds. If they are having zero contact between them, that's good enough.

Continue to work on being a better husband and building a better marriage.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

What did the emails say?


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## angrybuttrying (Jun 17, 2013)

This is certainly hard...but the emails clearly indicated that they had "feelings" for each other, love, etc. I would also say that the language was EXCEEDINGLY immature, like you would expect to see in kids. For example, saying that makeup is from your country, so it must be a sign...

On the flip side, there was every intention of this escalating into a physical affair, which was also noted in the emails. Not explicitly, but rather "where and when" can we see each other, etc.

Since that time, my wife has stated several times, in a very remorseful way, that "there is nothing there" - referring to the email relationship. I do believe her as well.

Thanks for input!


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## Air Texas (May 30, 2013)

Blow it up.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I'm going to agree with thatbpguy, and say leave well enough alone....

There's no real reason to do this at this point. If anything, it re-opens old wounds, because you know this guy will seek out your wife about why you are doing this now. If there's already a NC between them, why open up that door?

Your revenge, could easily escalate into his revenge, as he either goes hard core after your wife again, or reaches out to you and re-reveals all the stuff your wife told him about you, like your inabilities in the bedroom, etc. 

So trust us here captain, walk away from this.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

angrybuttrying said:


> My Question (I know, finally!): Should I contact her?


That is entirely a personal decision.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hi, Rob! Haven't seen you around in forever.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

If my partner was cheating on me, I would want to know. I would definitely want someone to call and tell me. Its not fair to this other mans wife that he is having an emotional affair. I am not one for starting drama but this is no small issue... Plus, if you do tell her, the chances of your wife and this other man reconnecting at some point by email will be less likely..


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> That is entirely a personal decision.


OP, I'm curious what your decision was - if you have even decided yet.

One thing I'd like to add, if I may. This may be the only man your wife has connected with but your wife may be one of many this man has encountered. You may be doing many other men a favor by letting his wife know.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

As your W immediately broke off contact with him when you asked her to, I'd forget about him. The chances are his W won't thank you for telling her and, IMO, you should rather focus on your marriage right now rather than opening someone else's can of worms.


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## Summer12 (Jun 25, 2013)

I agree with not contacting him. YOU be the husband you always wanted to be for her and she likely won't go looking elsewhere....all you have control over is your own behavior so just be good and let the past go. If you can't get it to work out then at least you know you did all you could.


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## angrybuttrying (Jun 17, 2013)

To close this thread, I appreciate all the responses and insights. I have decided to not contact his wife, primarily due to the fact that it wouldn't help my relationship with my wife. 

I am focused on my marriage, and focused on doing the things that will be a positive influence in our relationship. She broke it off immediately, has expressed significant remorse and embarrassment, we've talked about the causes of our problems and have made great progress towards healing our marriage.

If he contacts her again, which is very doubtful, I will be revisiting this decision.

Again, thank you for your insights.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> 99% of the time I think it would be mandatory.
> 
> But this time I will make the 1% exception.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

If your W has been transparent AND you are happy that they are not communicating then it might be advisable to leave the guys wife out of this so far. It could be he is a serial cheat anyway and has been or will be causght out sooner of later. Focus on you and your family


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