# My Method for Relief



## hoping4love (Jan 14, 2013)

I hope this helps other people out there going through a similar situation that I am. Regardless, let me explain.

EVERYTHING I have read about getting my husband to move back has pretty much told me - leave him be, he will talk to you when he is ready, in the meantime - work on you. So, that is what I am doing. Over the past hour and a half, I have compiled three lists of goals for myself - some are general, others for specific reasons, which I will explain. If you have any thoughts, I would love hear them. 

*-Over the next seven days, I will...-*

- Dance like a ****** - regardless who is watching.
- Make the effort to do my hair and makeup before going to work each day.
- Find a quote (each day), write it in my journal, and live by it.
- Talk to three strangers in public without being coerced.
- Smile - even when I just want to cry.
- Try a new food - something I always thought I would hate.
- Sing. Really sing. Belt it.
- Sing in the shower.
- Be out of my room for at least one hour each day (thus far, I haven't really left my bedroom since everything went down 2 and a half weeks ago).
- Every night, stare at myself in the mirror until I am able to compliment myself out loud. Write the compliment on a sticky note and put it on the mirror.
- Rearrange my bedroom.
- Purposely be wrong about something and accept it when I am corrected (I have an extreme complex about always having to be right - tiptoeing crazy).
- Resist the urge to correct someone when not asked (similar to the above - I take grammar Nazi to a whole new level).
- Hug my dad, my brother, and my friends (I have intimacy issues - even on the very basic of levels).
- Rekindle an old hobby - not sure which one, though.
- Take and look at a CURRENT picture of myself and see the good in the person, not the flaws. (I have HORRIBLE self-esteem)


*-Over the next 30 days, I will...-*

- Let people take pictures of me without complaint.
- Go to WalMart once a week during peak hours (extreme social phobia).
- Dress up and go out once a week - don't necessarily have to do anything special.
- Start exercising.
- Give up soda.
- Pick up a new hobby.
- Finish a chapter of the novel I have been writing for three years.
- Visit a petting zoo (this is mildly embarrassing, but I have an extremely irrational phobia of goats).
- Go back to my PCP and get back on my anti-depressants.
- Start learning a new language.
- Take the COMPASS placement exam (to go back to school).
- Go out dancing.
- Sing karaoke.
- Decide what to go to school for.


*-Over the next 90 days, I will...-*

- Go skydiving (deathly afraid of heights).
- Go back to school.
- Go rock climbing (indoor is acceptable).
- Get into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (everyone must have that one unreachable goal).
- Regret nothing.

So, that's all I have. If you have any more that you think I should add, please let me know.


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

Sounds like you have a plan! Good for you..


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

This is probably just me, but if you don't manage to do everything on your list,say for a day, don't beat yourself up. Let's say you talked to two strangers and not three, be happy you talked to the two! 

Also you have a few phobias and have outlined big plans to get over them. Such as Walmart on a busy day.. It may be better to have a smaller goal, something more achievable. Now if you are determined to do Walmart, go for it! I think a leaf from dog training is useful in goal setting.. Always praise yourself and give yourself for a reward even for a small step. And if a big step is too much, do a smaller version of the big step and then praise and reward! The carrot is always better than the stick (ie motivation rather than beating yourself up)

Otherwise, go for it! Goal setting is exciting! Go for it!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Your list is awesome! :smthumbup:

You are really taking the whole "work on yourself, for yourself, to better yourself" thing to a whole new level - for this you should really be proud!!! Stick to that list and have fun doing it - I do agree with Chopsy thou - if you don't manage to hit the BIG milestones please don't be hard on yourself - conquer them in a smaller way instead.


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## hoping4love (Jan 14, 2013)

Thank you all so much for the support!

Today marks the beginning of my goal-reaching experience and I really am extremely excited. It's one thing to have a plan just kind of rolling around in your brain and a completely different thing to have it mapped out and written down somewhere. 

In regards to smaller steps - you are absolutely right. My saving grace here, though, is I am extremely stubborn and when I set my mind on doing something - I am going to do it. Truth be told, the ones that I am really concerned for are the ones dealing with being wrong and not correcting people. I realize that the reason I am going through with them is because the qualities that cause me to do them in the first place hinder my ability to get closer to people and connect. And I don't want to let myself be in such a lonely place anymore. For the longest time, I didn't really care because I thought the world was filled with so much ugliness and hatefulness. But now I now see that there is beauty out there if only I can let myself find it.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

I LOVE your list! 

But, like the others, I would express caution with your time limits. You have 15-16 things you want to accomplish in a week - many of them daily tasks. 

Remember... under promise and over deliver! This should apply to your personal goals too, in my opinion.


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