# Excuses Excuses :-(



## Janey (Nov 10, 2012)

im pretty fed up right now.

i just dont know what to think anymore, 2 years of no sex, my partner has a back condition that makes him in pain all the time so i am very caring, we still used to have sex all the time for the first year and it was great, we used to be so close.

but now these last 2 years everytime i hug him he groans and holds his back, EVERY SINGLE TIME, he just lies on the sofa watching TV, i bend down to kiss him and he hardly moves his head to give me a peck back.

in bed i try and put my arm around me, he groans, i put my hand on his stomach, he groans.

im starting to wonder if he is putting it on?? i feel so bad for wondering that, i care for him and make sure not to lean on him but literally how painful can a hand on his stomach be??

he will stand outside sanding his guitar he's making, bending over for hours which i know aches him but somehow he cant stand 1minute and hug me without groaning in pain and rejecting me??

he says in arguments im not the woman he met (i had a mental breakdown and had to get treatment, im better now) i know i put him through lots and that iv also out on weight but he says he loves me and that he likes me physically.

i just cant shift the feeling that its just all excuses, hes just not that into me but he is adamant that he loves me, seroiusly im fed up, i love him and have tried everything.

iv tried initiating hugs, kisses, sex, i take care of myself and look nice, i take care of him too, it used to be that i would need affection so badly it hurt but i learnt in the end after 2years that it didnt help and i had to except that i wasnt going to get any sex. i gave him space and became independant but still no change, i dont want to play games, i just want a happy close relationship.

i hate this :-(


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well he's told you where he stands. He love you (like a sister) and has no sexual desire for you.

He blames losing interest in you because you had problems. Well he's had problems too. His excuse is lame. 

Do both of you work outside the home? Who is the primary earner in your relationship?

I take on this is that it's time for you to move on. He is comfortable with no intimacy. He is not going to change. You need more.

And I think that the only chance you have of saving this relationship is to be willing to lose it. Maybe, if he realizes that he will lose you, he will wake up and start being a husband to you.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

That brutal - 2 years! If you were having psychological issues, he should have stood beside you and helped - maybe he did who knows, but you got better and now it seems you are being punished. My wife and I have been through mental health issues together and it's no fun. Sounds like its time to sit down and say that you can't live without affection. I recently said those words to my wife - made it clear without any threats and fortunately she responded. This was the only thing that she responded to after many attempts to dance around intimacy issues. So, from experience, this is what you have to say. You can't live without it and two years is way too long - the longer you wait the more tolerance he expects. The groans from simply touching his stomach are bs excuses. Call him on it and tell him you can't deal with it anymore. Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I say the same as I'd tell a man, withdraw somewhat. Work on clothes and appearance. Don't be unfaithful but go out on your own. At some point, you want him to come to you and address issues in your relationship. Certainly there are different positions that limit pain.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

It is tough really, but why do you think he has become so withdrawn from your relationship?

Normally if a woman is initiating then it is all good from a red blooded males prospective, but if he is backing away then the emotional connection is lost somewhere, but what other tactics have you tried?

MC? Would he be a willing participant in going to MC and trying to resolve the issues without hiding behind his physical complaint?

I have a herniated disc in my lower back, hurts like hell in the morning but I will never use it as an excuse, ok if I bend over my wife while she is sitting or laying on the sofa I ask her not to pull me lower or closer due to the pain, but she knows how bad it can hurt me but we never shy away from affection.

If talking to him resolves nothing then perhaps you should mention buying yourself some sex toys and make it clear they are for your enjoyment, and then please yourself, maybe he will see this as an encouraging sign and want to join in, either way you will at least get something back from it and if he still stays away then you know that perhaps you have to move on.

I will say this loudly.

*DO NOT BE A COWARD AND CHEAT!!!!!*

If it is over then let it be and keep a clear conscience.


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## yankeesladie38 (Jan 25, 2011)

my husband always wants sex from me n theres times i just not in the mood for it so i get an attitude from him n he yelling n getting pist off about it. all i know is theres times he gets mad at me n times wants to be ruid with me last i check it takes two maybe if he shows me repect n stop treating like he does half the time. but i really dont understand why theres times i dont want to have se with my husband aybe im jut into that night or morning i just dont know what to do anymore


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Janey - here's the most important question in a sitch like yours: Is the lack of affection and sex a deal breaker or not?


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