# Needing Help and advise



## big brown desk (Jun 7, 2013)

Hello: I have been married 20 years, my W and I have drifted apart. We have 2 kids both teenagers one will be 18 later this month. My number one issue is a few months ago during a fight she punched me in the face 3 times, I cant get this out of my head, basically its all I think about when I'm at home.
I don't want to stay and I'm scared to leave, mainly because of my kids and for financial reasons.
Any advise will be greatly appreciated.
How do make the ultimate decision to leave?


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Did she hurt you, was out of control, or did she really lay into you? 

Has she been violent before? 

Did you do something to provoke her?

None of these questions can excuse violence, but asking them to yourself out to inform you if you really have a domestic violence problem in the the home.

But then you seem to have made your mind up about leaving and if thats the case, just do it. Don't farm your discontent for a few months just to prove it is real. If you want to save your marriage, IC and MC for you both.


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## big brown desk (Jun 7, 2013)

What happened was I texted a female co-worker--we have nothing at all going on--just friends, she said it was not right to have female friends and I shouldn't have done it. 
It didn't hurt me physically just mentally.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

I could almost understand a hard slap/mild punch out of frustration and anger and maybe fear.

But 3x to the face? That's over the top.

Either- hit her back, call the cops on her, or extricate yourself from the situation. Since you have already stated you are unable and unwilling to do that, then you're down to sitting there and taking it in the chin, fighting back, or charging her with assault. But if you go that last route, know that the cops will want to see bruises.


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## big brown desk (Jun 7, 2013)

I guess I need to read more of the forums, one day I'm leaving, next day I change my mind, I don't know what to do.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

if you hit back, you will be the one headed to jail. call 911 if she does it again. you need to stand up for yourself.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

lenzi said:


> I could almost understand a hard slap/mild punch out of frustration and anger and maybe fear.
> 
> But 3x to the face? That's over the top.
> 
> - hit her back, .


Women can get away with hitting men, but if a man hits a woman, he would get would get thrown in jail. Double standard?? Yep!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Ok forget hitting her back.

How about a hard slap to the face then?


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

Not saying violence is ok but seems as though your over reacting. What ever you did pissed her off and she put you in check. Again I'm not saying it ok she did that but I'd be proud to have a wife that would fight for what she wants than to kneel down cry and just let it happen. If you where starting or already doing something with another woman, She probably would be justified. But if you did absolutely nothing wrong, then she messed up but I bet you won't be txting like that again


Sounds like you got a Strong woman , , , Congratulations. 

(Imagine what she'll do to protect your kids ! ! !)


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

Are you still in love with her or not ? All I see if that you are texting another woman (something personally is a big no no for me - sexual or not) and she beat you up (also a big no no). Are your marriage boundaries defined (have you ever discussed what friends are allowed in your married - opposite sex friends ect.). Two wrong do not make a right. Why do you think your marriage is drifting apart ? Have any of you made an effort to fix any problems in your relationship ?


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

I would totally forget about hitting your wife in any fashion. Call the police, get therapy, contact a lawyer and go from there. Personally, if my wife hit me, I would divorce her. You have to have certain boundaries that if crossed implement a well thought out and LEGAL plan of action.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Hitting you was unacceptable, no matter what.

However, if you were texting a co-worker and ANY part of it was flirting or disrespectful (in other words, you said things, either subject matter or in a flirty, over familiar way, that you would NOT say in her presence), then she has every right to be angry with you.

Be honest with yourself on this issue...most people have a tendency to downplay or pooh-pooh their conversations with opposite sex co-workers/friends when confronted by their spouses.

The threads here at TAM are absolutely filled with such stories, and you need to step back and really think about whether you crossed any lines.

So many stories here start with 'innocent' friendships/conversations, and then before people know it an emotional and/or physical A has started.

For example, did you go and complain to your co-worker about what happened?

If you did, that's crossing a line.

Airing your M issues to an outsider, especially the one who is at the center of the incident, is a big no-no in my book. And it would be evidence to me that your W has reason to be concerned about how close you are with this woman.

That said, I want to once again state unequivocally that this is no excuse for her to get violent.


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## big brown desk (Jun 7, 2013)

TAM is the only place where I have mentioned her hitting me, I wouldn't discuss that with anyone who actually new me out of being embarrassed about it. 
Things continue to happen, last night W went to the grocery store, didn't get a few items I asked for and said-well you forget things too, no saying sorry or anything like that. I know this is petty but its the little things like this that just keep building up.


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