# Help with my husbands ex...



## sunnez (May 9, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for 6 months, his ex wife keeps saying mean things about their dad, it infuriates me because she walked out on her family five years ago, then went to court to get partial custody so she would not have to pay child support. My husband tries to ignore the info sent back to us via the youngest son, and tells me we can not control what she says to them !!! He tries to keep things civil... I feel he is being too passive on this issue, on the other hand he is leading by example. 
His ex is remarried and should be happy instead she has the need to be hateful. 
What if anything should I be doing ??? The oldest two boys are grown and out of the house, the youngest son goes back and forth weekly. I also think the ex-wife may have some problems because she will call my husband and randomly start talking about her personal life and problems she is having like nothing else is wrong, he will sometimes listen, most times he will just say he is busy and has to go... shouldn't she be talking to her new husband about personal matters ??? 
Any help would be appreciated...


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

She sounds bi-polar. Perhaps your husband lends an ear from time to time to remain as civil with this woman as possible. Ofcourse she should be talking to her new hubby, but when the rational side kick backs in, she remembers how great a guy your husband is, and how he is open to listen to her. If you wanted to be deep, you could tell her that don't bother my husband for anything outside of the kids related.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

You shouldn't be doing anything. Just let him deal with her. Save yourself the stress.


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## evian123 (May 8, 2011)

themrs said:


> You shouldn't be doing anything. Just let him deal with her. Save yourself the stress.


I agree.


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## Snooring (Mar 10, 2011)

:iagree:


themrs said:


> You shouldn't be doing anything. Just let him deal with her. Save yourself the stress.


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## sunnez (May 9, 2011)

Thanx guys for your help... It would be nice to be able to relieve myself of the stress, not such an easy task... I agree with Rob744 she may be bi-polar...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Kids aren't stupid. Even your youngest knows which side of his toast is buttered and he can probably identify a nut job on his own. She sounds like a Bi-Polar drama queen to me and it must be a real treat to be her current husband. Your husband had the sense to rid himself of her. Your two oldest kids already know who and what she is. Your youngest knows or will learn on his own. Conclusions he arrives at on his own will be more durable than anything you influence. You are in the best possible position. You can basically do nothing but be your sweet, normal self. In comparrison, I'm sure you seem like an angel. Every time this nut job opens her mouth, your husband and child get to look at you lovingly and breath a prayer of thanksgiving because you're not her. She should be talking to her husband but she doesn't cause she's a nut case drama queen. She shouldn't be running down your husband to her kids but she does cause she's a nut-case drama queen. You can't fix crazy. You're sitting on the high ground. I'd just ignore the drama below or occasionally peek and giggle.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Your husband's ex sounds like she is practicing parental alienation. Many parents who do this have some type of personality disorder, often Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Your husband should not be talking with her. The less contact he has with her the better. Have him suggest using "Our Family Wizard" to keep in touch about the son. But he should not be giving her time or attention when she's behaving like this. And as far as the child goes, your husband should not do anything except model stable, unconditional love in your home. If she is saying really inappropriate stuff, you could begin documenting it and building a case for no custody for the mother. You could talk to a lawyer about this to see how easy this would be to do. Often it is difficult to prove, but if there is text or email evidence and your stepson is repeating a lot of stuff she says, it may be possible. 

Talking trash about his mother in front of the child, even though his mother is being a jerk, will only make him want to defend her and feel caught in the middle. So don't bring your stepson into anything.

I have gone through this with my stepson - the same exact scenario as you and your husband. It is terrible. I would suggest therapy for your stepson so that he can learn what is healthy and what is manipulative. He is being abused and used by his mother for her own agenda. 

If she does have NPD, this disorder will not change. Those people don't have the capacity to make progress in therapy. Read up on NPD parents and see if anything fits. Good luck!


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Totally agree with Rob, her behavior sounds textbook bipolar!


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## success47223! (May 11, 2011)

in the same boat, although my husband and his ex were never married. They have 2 kids together and she is always leaving "hate mail" and in front of her kids. Why are some people so hateful? I've tried to get along with this women--for the sake of the kids---to have a good relationship b/t families but that has not worked----if she dont get her way (when it comes to money) then she starts leaving nasty-hurtful messages about him and then me and our daughter...what a nut---and like your situation---he seems passive about it too---what is up with that---I told him, "i am more upset about how she is treating him, than he is!" There is just no reasoning with this woman---its straining our marriage!!!


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## sunnez (May 9, 2011)

My step son says things only his mother would have put in his head... he has Aspergers and is with us most of the time... his Mom does seem to try to alienate him when she says terrible things about us... 
To Success47223! I understand how you feel, what I am starting to learn from him is that if we ignore his ex's bad behavior we take away her power over us !!! We never say anything negative around his son, so he has nothing to report back... It's sometimes very hard to deal with, I keep on trying... Hopefully that will help...


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## lucas.allen17 (May 11, 2011)

good advice.


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