# Girls going out alone at night...



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Generally speaking ..is it risky for 2-3 girls (or more) to go out alone at night without a man? 
Leave the marriage/relationship status aside. 

I had to argue with mom about this on Friday because according to her it's very risky for girls to go out alone and many unpleasant things can happen.
Keep in mind i live in a country where the crime rate is high [probably one of the highest in Europe].
I got very upset because she thinks girls shouldn't go out alone without a man by their side. 
All my girlfriends are already in a relationship/engagement/marriage but given that it was supposed to be a night just for us girls, they decided not to take their men. I'm the only single in the group. 

Every-time I go to a night club I have to argue / and verbally fight with my parents until I end up not being in the mood to go and stay home. 

I'm very tired of all this and it makes me feel like I'm missing out on some good times. I'm 25 and I want to enjoy life more but the constant fight with my parents about them not wanting me to go out at night unless I find a man/partner is seriously putting me in depression. 
My girlfriends go out every weekend with their partners and although I'm invited to go along I choose not go to because there's nothing I can do in the middle of couples. 

Usually I go to the club 2-3 a year although I wish it happened more. 

My parents also think that when men see a group of girls dancing alone in the club they don't form a good opinion about these women.

Men, is that true? 
Ladies, what would you do if you were me?


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## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

It's better for women to travel in groups than alone, 2-3 of you might be a little small, but its better than going alone. The biggest thing is use some common sense, and your gut feeling, it's usually right. Stay in well lit areas, with other people around, etc. 

As for the club stuff, I don't think men are gong to view you as some skank for going out dancing with your girlfriends. Just be aware though, you are in a club without a date, men are going to approach you and hit on you. Do NOT accept drinks from anyone, or drink anything that hasn't been in your sight 100% of the time. Never know what someone might try.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

BrookeT said:


> It's better for women to travel in groups than alone, 2-3 of you might be a little small, but its better than going alone..


lol. Of course I wouldn't go alone. What am I to be doing in the club all alone?? 
:lol:

As for men hitting on girls this is a pretty known stuff and I don't mind it. I'm young and single, just like every other woman I love men's attention so I don't really consider this an issue.


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## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

Well if your purpose for going out is to man hunt, then going with married women probably isn't the best idea. If you are looking for serious boyfriend material, the odds of finding one in a club are pretty low.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

BrookeT said:


> Do NOT accept drinks from anyone, or drink anything that hasn't been in your sight 100% of the time. Never know what someone might try.


Husband just told me yesterday how a Co-worker was telling his only daughter (after her recent breakup), when she goes out... to never leave her drink... if she goes to the bathroom, to get a new one - not worth the risk of someone slipping something in it. 

You are young, you NEED to get out & meet people/ MEN / mingle / get fixed up / do an online Profile... the more you get out, the greater chance you will meet someone !! 

I would also feel... just be in a GROUP... and don't be afraid to speak up & say NO.. .having an assertive attitude with men... will go a long way...in not being taken advantage of... and being in a group atmosphere should save you in those other ways... like walking to your car... things like that.

Parents will always worry , they likely fear what type of man you might drag from from a place like that too. But you seem to have your head on your shoulders pretty good, surely they can trust your judgement - by now.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

BrookeT said:


> Well if your purpose for going out is to man hunt, then going with married women probably isn't the best idea. If you are looking for serious boyfriend material, the odds of finding one in a club are pretty low.


I dont go to clubs to find the man of my life and I'm of the idea that it's hard to form a serious relationship with someone you knew in the club. The atmosphere is not ideal for people to take each other seriously. 

What I said is that I like men's attention (just like every girl on the palnet) but it doesn't mean I go there to man-hunt or find someone to be in a relationship with.
I go there to have fun with my girlies, dance, it gives me some sense of freedom without the need to be in the presence of another man next to me.

Now, as for my girlfriends who go to clubs alone ....as far as they're okay with it and their men don't mind it then it's not really my business, to be honest. These are the boundaries they have in the relationship so as long as it works for them I'm fine with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Husband just told me yesterday how a Co-worker was telling his only daughter (after her recent breakup), when she goes out... to never leave her drink... if she goes to the bathroom, to get a new one - not worth the risk of someone slipping something in it.
> 
> You are young, you NEED to get out & meet people/ MEN / mingle / get fixed up / do an online Profile... the more you get out, the greater chance you will meet someone !!
> 
> ...


SA you're right. Leaving the drink alone is risky unless you're with people you deeply trust. The cicrle of my friends is usually trustworthy. They don't have histories of alcohol/drugs/abuse ..etc.

No, I'm not afraid to say NO. It's what have kept me in control so far although at times a little too much.

I understand my parent's worry but I think they are being extreme about this over-protection so to speak.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Stick to groups, watch your drinks and don't go unarmed:









Best option, easily concealed and effective.








Need basic training and practice.








Basic chains are effective weapons, easily concealed and good for fighting multiple opponents. Needs alot of training however.

Stick to pepper spray IMO. My wife has one. It's illegal in Australia but to hell with that when it comes to self defence.

This is legal however if you want to play it safe:








Painful as well and difficult to counter its attacks not to mention intimidating.

Remember: If attacked, do what you have to do then RUN.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Stick to groups, watch your drinks and don't go unarmed:


This looks like an awesome idea. I don't know if they have it over here in Europe but I'll check it out! 
:smthumbup:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Geeze.... That seems kind of sexist......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

There is always safety in numbers no matter if a guy is with the group or not. If you trust your friiend not to baill on you then as long as the group sticks together your safe.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I never needed a man for protection when going out alone before... Not when I was single that is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

This thread makes me feel defective somewhat.... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lovelygirl said:


> This looks like an awesome idea. I don't know if they have it over here in Europe but I'll check it out!
> :smthumbup:


It's a very good self-defence tool yes, and it's not messy + doesn't require training + effective. Perfect really - that's why I got one for my wife. Just make sure to aim in the right direction... hehe lol

If you don't have it there you can make your own. Best that way anyway in case of police searches. Look for chemistry geeks.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I never needed a man for protection when going out alone before... Not when I was single that is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, today people seem to have worse boundaries and fewer civic virtues...but back in the day, rape was considered...not a piccadillo, but not exactly as serious as it was today.

Granted, it depends on where you go. If you are going to dance club small town USA, that is very different than an anonymous Eastern European city with a florishing sex trade...

Not impunging age or circumstance but consider for a moment that her parents might have a point.

At this point, you need to make your parents comfortable with the idea. Take a self defense class, find some pepper spray (though a whistle is something else pretty good), introduce your parents to your friends so they are comfortable that they are solid sensible women who will stick by you and not slattern ho-bags who will abandon you at the first wink.

That being said, bear in mind that some men don't understand the word 'no' in any language and you are going into their jungle. Be careful.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Gaia said:


> Geeze.... That seems kind of sexist......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Gaia said:


> I never needed a man for protection when going out alone before... Not when I was single that is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wonder why, thought I saw you the other day:










:smthumbup:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Maybe you can take your dad with you if he's concerned. He can keep an eye on you, and guys will treat you better if you tell them you are with their dad. The insincere ones will stay away.

I'm sure if my dad were alive today he would have no problem going out with me to vet my dance partners and keep me safe.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lmao random.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I get that there are dangerous places.... I grew up in a few. I was taught how to defend myself though so when I read, hear, see things like this.... I think..... "huh?" The idea that a woman cant fend for herself is one thats strange to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well for my wife I just don't risk it, she is learning JJJ as well as practiced with me with counters and attacks learnt from my teens on the streets and is not bad at it, she has alot of natural strength from her pole dancing/fitness however she does not have the killer instinct which makes me worry. Other women in the past do have it and I was less worried, my first gf for example, also a street fighter back in my teens. For my wife I'm very protective of her and I can't stand the thought of her being attacked without me. She's my princess


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Thats one thing that annoys me about gate. I never had anyone treat me as if I were some sort of fragile flower. He does at times and im just like... Wtf....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I get that there are dangerous places.... I grew up in a few. I was taught how to defend myself though so when I read, hear, see things like this.... I think..... "huh?" The idea that a woman cant fend for herself is one thats strange to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not all bad. I feel better if my H goes with me. I am not very big, 5'4" and 118lb. I can only do so much, if some dude who is 6+ inches taller than me and weighs 100lb's more is coming at me, I am probably going to lose in a strictly physical confrontation. 

I don't feel like my H has to go with me all the time, but there many places where it makes me feel a lot better if he does.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lovely..... I am not really sure what to say about your parents... Other then.... Dont let them ruin your night or mood. Perhaps leaving before your nights ruined would be best? After all... You are a full grown woman. I suppose pepper spray and groups work... Have you told them thier advice is noted and you would like to enjoy the rest of your night?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, my wife IS a princess so I have to work with her accordingly LOL
Besides she admits it, and her first reaction if threatened is always to call me. I've escorted her out of places numerous times with her ready to spray as I've taught her. She's not violent at heart, me however, I am. It works out well though for us.

Besides many times it's not just one guy, it's a few guys at the same time. Only so much ANYONE can do regardless of gender. Hence weaponry. I still carry a chain under the sleeve of my jacket myself so if I'm mobbed I can defend myself easily.

EDIT: BTW Gaia, I'm sure he does it because he cares. Take it as the gesture that he does. To be honest really, even if my wife is super-champion of MMA I'll still worry (maybe not as much but I still will) - because I care.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's also in our genes to protect women. In Australia women are restricted from direct combat roles in the army too because men are found to be too naturally protective with females on the front lines. Well, most anyways.

In history my people also had women fighting in the front lines and my daughter also likes the story of one of my people's warrior princesses who was reputed to be strong enough that she could capture enemies in the middle of battle by pulling them onto her horse with one hand. She also said that she won't marry a man unless they can beat her in wrestling and no man could lol. Not an ideal way to matchmake but still lol

I don't think women are at heart defenseless or at a disadvantage at all. But some women do need protection just like some men do need protection. My wife is one, and besides I am protective of her because I care


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

@ JMC my parents know all my friends so it's not my friends they have issues with. 

@Gaia I have told them that their advice is noted and made sure they listen to this very well. 
They don't change opinion no matter what. This has been an ongoing issue throughout the years. 
My father is very conservative and traditional and he doesn't like the idea of girls going out alone because he thinks of them as sl*ts . 
:lol:

I don't really argue with him because it's not worth the effort. I don't even tell him I'm going out and I don't count him at all when it comes to this matter. He's the last to know when I go out.

The one that I take the effort to argue with is my mom. She's simply more understanding and better at communicating. But at times like this she sucks at overcoming this over-protection feeling.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well I'll probably end up being super protective of my daughter in the future and arm her with pepper spray, knives, chains, and perhaps a gun in her boot. Maybe a viking axe in her car, or a katana. :rofl:

Or maybe hire her a bodyguard... LOL
She won't like that at all most likely hehe

It's because I care 
+ She'll always be a baby to me no matter how big she grows 
Hehe don't you hate us parents! xD


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol I get that he cares and that is understandable. However, for a good while, it seemed less like caring about me and more like he was just treating me like something he could get around to whenever he felt like it. Which is probably why it rubbed me the wrong way and still kind of does. 

All our kids are learning self defense btw as we plan on putting both kids in martial arts, boxing, ect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Excuse me... Replace both with all three. Have three now... Lmao
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

I disagree that pepper spray does not require training. It can easily be turned against you as with any weapon. 

It is likely that any kind of weapon will not be allowed into clubs. There are not many places for a girl to hide such weapons in skimpy little club outfits. So a strong background in self defense should be the backbone in your strategy. 

I would highly recommend seeing if there are some male friends that can go along for travel outside the club. You can agree to split up in the club. Good strategy for them as well to be seen with other desirable women. A group of three would be the bare minimum for safety.

I have sons, but if I did have a daughter, self defense classes would be as required as swimming lessons. This is a continuous process. Skills must be maintained and upgraded with physical development. 

I got the swimming thing down, now my boys need to learn self defense. My oldest is a skinny geek and about to go into middle school. I want to make sure he does not get stuffed into an lockers.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I get that there are dangerous places.... I grew up in a few. I was taught how to defend myself though so when I read, hear, see things like this.... I think..... "huh?" The idea that a woman cant fend for herself is one thats strange to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If a guy wants to hurt you, you are going to get hurt. I don't care how well you can defend yourself.

In regards to lovelygirl's original question, yes I believe it is dangerous although in today's world there are many things that are dangerous that young men and women do each day. Being in a group of 2 or 3 doesn't matter. You can be isolated very easily and very quickly. You have to be the judge or what is acceptable risk in your opinion. Its part of growing up.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

There were 951 traffic deaths in my state last year. Does that mean I shouldn't drive?

LG, your parents aren't EVER going to change their perspective and stop being overprotective. All you can do is stop letting it ruin your evening. Just go and have fun. 

Parents will always worry. (They're also probably trying to push you into getting a man, frankly). After you marry, they'll find something else to worry about, like why you haven't produced grand children yet. And then it will be about how you are raising their grandchildren. And then it will be something else. You can let their words and feelings impact you, or not. Your choice. But stop expecting them to change so that you can feel better about what you want to do.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

With respect, you ask if it's dangerous to go out to clubs as small groups of only women. I'm sure you know the dangers in your own country/city much more than people here who have no idea where you are from, nevermind what the dangers exist in the clubs of this country/city.

You also ask if men think poorly of women going out to clubs without male partners. Even within a single society you will find very different attitudes towards these things among people. But like with the safety issue, it is especially unhelpful to ask people who have no knowledge of your culture/society what the prevailing attitudes toward unescorted women will be.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Lol I get that he cares and that is understandable. However, for a good while, it seemed less like caring about me and more like he was just treating me like something he could get around to whenever he felt like it. Which is probably why it rubbed me the wrong way and still kind of does.
> 
> All our kids are learning self defense btw as we plan on putting both kids in martial arts, boxing, ect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would seriously reconsider the boxing. The current research on concussions is very alarming. The brain damage from one concussion is substantial, the second major. Even with all the padding, our bodies are just not designed to take that kind of punishment. The greatest asset your child has is their brain. Anything you do to damage that is very risky. The problems might not show up now, but will later in life. Many experts now feel that helmets should be required in soccer. It will never happen, but probably should.

I will not stop my children from playing contact sports if it is really important to them. There are so many options were the risk of head trauma is small, I just can't see why anyone would want to put their child in that kind of danger.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Gaia

Hmmm, well I guess that's different lol

I would suggest JJJ for self defence btw for kids, + muay thai. But that's just what I've found to be most effective on the street, mixture of elbow/knee strikes and grappling. For boxers unless they are well trained I don't even bother to counter their attacks I just keep my jaw closed get in close, grapple and humiliate the hell outta them. All martial arts can be effective however some are just too difficult to master by the time you need it to be effective; such as Kung Fu in my opinion.

@Stargate



> I disagree that pepper spray does not require training. It can easily be turned against you as with any weapon.


Some degree of training is required yes, but it's not like it takes time to train and learn such as knives and chains.



> It is likely that any kind of weapon will not be allowed into clubs. There are not many places for a girl to hide such weapons in skimpy little club outfits.


I disagree, they are easily disguised as fragrances and can be attached to keys.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

For the record... If anyone... Man or woman... Wants to hurt you then yes you will get hurt. Thats obvious. I never said it wouldnt happen as it does. I highly doubt I am the only woman who is capable of taking blows as well as dishing them out though. Yeah anyone can be isolated which is why I find the whole.. "women are poor, defenseless creatures" attitude strange. Since there are all these dangers out there and no one can constantly be in a group 24/7 I would think that people would learn ways to hold thier own regardless of gender.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok since boxing is getting such bad reviews... Nevermind that... Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Grappling is superior to striking in my opinion anyday. Besides striking tends to cause damage especially with elbows and knees. The ability to control the situation and humiliate your attacker is much more satisfying. JJJ is effective in this way though it does incorporate basic strikes. Still, a balanced approach in combat is desirable.

TEST YOUR MIGHT...
Hehe
(LOL @ the comment: Test your wife haha wtf) 
Sorry, my brain somehow recalled this song talking about all of this lol


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Gaia said:


> For the record... If anyone... Man or woman... Wants to hurt you then yes you will get hurt. Thats obvious. I never said it wouldnt happen as it does. I highly doubt I am the only woman who is capable of taking blows as well as dishing them out though. Yeah anyone can be isolated which is why I find the whole.. "women are poor, defenseless creatures" attitude strange. Since there are all these dangers out there and no one can constantly be in a group 24/7 I would think that people would learn ways to hold thier own regardless of gender.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


With respect I'm going to continue to think of my wife as a poor defenseless creature all evidence to the contrary. I personally think its cute.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Yep come from a not so safe place so was put in self defense classes at a young age, mace is illegal (where im from) so always keep a body spray (aerosole) with me plus little trinkets that can be used if needed but not considered weapons. Saw a bloke spit in a woman's face then try to swing for her, a few second's later she had him pinned to the floor (turns out she was really into karate), it was freaking hilarious.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I still strongly recommend sprays as they are very effective and doesn't require the constant training which self defence classes require. Unarmed is still the last line of defence in my opinion.



> Saw a bloke spit in a woman's face then try to swing for her, a few second's later she had him pinned to the floor (turns out she was really into karate), it was freaking hilarious.


Heh still remember at a house party during my teens my gf at that time just went to the ladies, came out, and apparently this guy grabbed her ass and she knocked him out as a reaction. Just heard this crack in the living room then a THUD and everyone including myself was going WTF. LOL

We ended up throwing his unconscious body outside. But my first gf was a seriously violent street fighter so I actually feel sorry for men who even dare to target her heh. My wife is FAR FAR from being that type of woman.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

bfree said:


> With respect I'm going to continue to think of my wife as a poor defenseless creature all evidence to the contrary. I personally think its cute.


Im not saying shame on anyone for thinking like that. I am just saying its not something I personally am used to. The whole princess, extremely femenine, helpless thing is not how I was raised. I was raised with... If ya got two arms, two legs, a brain... Then use them. So to be with someone who has the same thought process you do... Isnt easy for me. By same I mean the.. , poor defenseless, women should be spoiled, ect thinking. Not saying you think women should be spoiled but my spouse has that sort of mind frame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

lovelygirl said:


> Generally speaking ..is it risky for 2-3 girls (or more) to go out alone at night without a man?
> Leave the marriage/relationship status aside.
> 
> I had to argue with mom about this on Friday because according to her it's very risky for girls to go out alone and many unpleasant things can happen.
> ...


At 25 I was living on my own so what my parents had to say wasn't an issue. They could tell me things but I didn't have to obey them. Perhaps it's time to get out on your own? If you are living under your parent's roof it's pretty much their way or the highway. 

Plus, in my part of the world girls go out in groups all the time without men but that's here. If indeed you are in a high crime area then your parents may indeed be right. It really depends on the situation. 

If it were me I'd get out on my own and support myself so I can call my own shots. If you want to be treated like an adult you need to act like one. 

Regardless, I'm all for learning self defense. Sounds like a good idea regardless so you might want to look into it in any case. Might make your parents feel better.


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