# I'm not sure what to do or how to respond.



## Getittogether (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm finding it hard to find a place to start my first post. I'm new here and am looking for some advice or maybe someone to talk to who has been through similar situations. So I'll start from the beginning of my marriage 3 years ago. 

My husband Joe and I met when I was 20, he was 30. We were only together a very short period of time (3 months) before we got married. We had a very small marriage behind my families back because the didn't approve. I don't really blame them, I was young and head over heel in love. Thing happened very quickly. We just so happen to know a bishop who was willing to marry us for free without any questions.
I became pregnant less than a month after our marriage with our son. Everything was going fine until things from his past started coming to the surface. He claimed to only have two kids, that were taken away from him in the middle of the night to some place unknown by his ex girlfriend. He said he couldn't fine them for years and years. He recently got back in touch with them around the time we started seeing each other. Which I accepted, partially because the kids are 13 and 16 now, not little babies. The mother had them adopted by her husband and they now even have his last name. She has gone through many men since than and is off and on talking/arguing over the phone, they live half way across the usa so It's their only form of communication. So by time I was 3 months pregnant, I found out he happen to have two more kids! The first one, He ran into his Ex Megan who he claims to have had a long drug out court battle for custody over their now 12 year old daughter, years ago. She decided she wanted to let him back in their lives. 
I didn't want to really get too involved yet or mess anything up for him seeing his daughter, so I was very quiet at first about the whole situation. Within weeks he was down their house at least every two days. He would go there to tuck his daughter in for bed, take them grocery shopping, picking the daughter up from school and even drinking beer at 12am with his Ex! He would get home from work and while i'm cooking dinner he is on the phone with the ex talking about a whole bunch of things that don't have anything to do with the daughter. Also I would call him to see when he would be home or what he was doing and I was being called a b**ch and whatever else his ex wanted to say in the background. He was constantly hanging up on me. It turned into this whole huge problem. She even had his daughter calling at harassing him saying he had to choose between her and her mom or Me and the new baby. Which is when everything started falling apart.
After months of dealing with everything, the Ex Megan decided she didn't want him in her life anymore and started not speaking to him again. 
Now the second I found out about is still very young. She is 5-6 years old. His "friend" Sandy started calling him one night and I overheard their conversation. She was telling him how much she loves him and want him back. I obviously freaking out about it and told him to hang the phone up. She kept calling him and calling him even when he was telling her not to. Turns out she knew her daughter was his child and never wanted to tell him. We had a dna test done and it was really his child.
What wife wouldn't be upset!? 
Than he wants to get custody, which he was denied for because of something on his records he needs to have erased(not even getting into that story).
He wanted me to just take in his daughter and take care of her. I would be the one taking primary care because he is usually the one who works all the time. 
My whole pregnancy I felt like he wasn't being emotionally supportive to me because he was dealing with his ex's and all of his other kids. I was as understanding as I could possibly be. 
We been through a lot since than. It's going on 3 years that we have been married now. There have been a lot of hurtful things said, we argue constantly, we haven't had any intimate relations in over a year...I can go on and on with a list of failed things in out marriage.
A few months back Joe feels like he is losing me and states that we should see other people. I agreed and thought maybe it would help us both out since our relationship is in shambles already. I never started seeing anyone. It got turned around on me. He claims I'm the one who wanted to see other people and that I proposed this idea to him. He states that he only agreed because it's the only way to keep me around (not true). Now he is talking to some Russian girl and telling her he is going to fly her over here any marry her. Somehow this is not suppose to upset me in the least bit. I have been threatening divorce for year because of all this drama so in his eyes it's okay. He's completely given up. There are just endless nights and days of me pouring my heart out about our relationship problems and how things need to change. He tells me he doesn't change and he likes himself. I guess he liked what he put me through for the past couple years? Anytime I've been trying to talk to him all I normally get is "I don't want to talk about it" or "i'm tired". He just recently got put on medication...lexapro. He hasn't been too steady with it. He is suppose to take it at the same time every day and he just takes it whenever.
What lead him to get on medication is that he decided for 3 weeks straight to just lounge around the house and not go to work because he was depressed. We weren't able to pay our rent and now we are facing eviction.
Regardless, getting to the actual point. Yesterday we were in my bedroom talking and he wanted to show me some email he received on his phone. I took his phone too look at it and than he tells me not to go through his other emails because he has messages from the russian girl in there. I got upset over it, why even mention it? So I end up pouring my heart out and telling him how I feel for the billionth time. I was already sobbing when I was telling him how I feel he hasn't been emotionally or at all supportive to me. He got up and left my room. I was sitting in a chair at my little sewing table in my room. He came back in screaming at the top of his lungs 2 inches away from my face. I was telling him to please get out of my face and to go away. He wouldn't stop so I was trying to push him away from me. He than tried spitting in my face! I was so shocked. I'm still in shock that he did this. I stood up and spat in his face...I've never done anything of the sort to anyone..I just didn't know what to do or how to respond. Than I told him to leave my room again. I was trying to push him out of my room so he would leave me alone, I was already way too upset. He threw me onto my bed and way holding me down and screaming at me. I was kicking and screaming crying for him to leave me alone. He finally left but came back and sat down and tried to talk some things over. There is never a solution to any of our problems. He likes to just not talk about anything or just keep everything a secret.
The problem I'm facing is he wants to continue to live together and take care of our son...I'm not sure what to do.


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

1. Next time he does that, call the cops. Period. 
2. Do you have family? If yes, move out with your son. Get yourself out of the situation. 
3. See a lawyer. The sooner the better. Document EVERYTHING. 
4. Get help for yourself and your son ASAP. This is not a good situation for the both of you.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Get out of that relationship as fast as you can. He is toxic. You and your son deserve better.


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