# Wife left me for another man...



## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

Hey this is my first post, and felt the need to vent, seek guidance, prayers whatever...I'm not completely sure!

A little background, I have been married for almost 5 years now...and I love my wife dearly. She was my queen, and I treated her like it. When we met, she already had a child from a previous relationship (who I've raised since he was 1...bio dad not in the picture, she's not even really sure who he is...) He is my son! Regardless of DNA, he is now 7 and unaware of anyone else except for me. We also have a daughter together who is 4, she's my absolute heart.

Shortly after my daughter was born, one year into our marriage she engaged in an adulterous relationship which lasted almost 9 months. I found out about the affair and was crushed...She left for about a week and left both children with me. I continued to tell her how much I loved her and begged her to come back (probably my first mistake). She eventually came back, and we worked it out...I thought. 

Some time had gone by...and the housing market tanked, and I suggested we buy a house on the cheap. We found a seemingly perfect house, in a good neighborhood and around the corner from my parents. I continued to do as much for her as I could, I got the kids ready for school, cooked dinner, served the family, helped with homework...and I was happy to do it...but my wife seemed unhappy. Fast forward two years later...and two days before Christmas she expresses this unhappiness and says she wants a divorce, she took money from out joint account and got an apartment in another city...again she left. The kids are here with me for school and go to her for a night midweek and weekends.

After dropping the kids off one day (two weeks after she left) I noticed men's clothing around the apartment. She confessed to seeing her best friends brother (whom see dated in Jr. HS) She wants the kids to go live with her (currently with me) and give me weekends!?!?!?!?

I've tried to explain to her, that I've been the primary care giver for the majority of the marriage, and she's is prone to impulsivity, anger, and poor decision making...I love her dearly and would still take her back, for better or for worse...but I feel we are heading toward a messy divorce...


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Don't give her the kids for the week, there's no reason to uproot them from friends and schools. That will be the only stablity in their life during the divorce should that happen. Tell her you will file for full custody and child support as well.

Personally I wouldn't take the kids to her at all. If she leaves, she leaves it all. Change the locks, box up her stuff and tell her to come get it.

You sound just far too nice and apeasing to her. Women simply don't respond to that in a man. In fact it turns them off you. You're going to have to do a lot of relearning things if you hope to have a chance of reclaiming her.

You probably would like my blog in the signature line. Last at the beginning and work your way through.

Also Affaircare (also on here) is a valuable rescource. Start with Seven Steps To Ending An Affair?


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

Yeah...I realize, I have been her doormat for a long long long time...She is very much drawn to the bad boy types, she always joked I was "too square" for her...

The man she is seeing now, is a felon...recently out of prison


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

good-dad said:


> The man she is seeing now, is a felon...recently out of prison


...and the thought of allowing the kids to go there actually entered your mind?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Get a good lawyer. Protect your family from her deceptive instability.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

DanF said:


> ...and the thought of allowing the kids to go there actually entered your mind?


Unfortunately yes...I don't want the kids to be without their mother, and I have no control over who she dates...

She told me today...She has been generous in letting the kids stay with me, and she should have taken them the day she left. I don't know how a court of law will see her two (known) adulterous relationships, and frequent disappearing acts...but I don't think she is setting a good example for our kids, living with another man, while still married weeks after leaving me...


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

Go to dadsdivorce.com, and read "the list".

Her cheating will not have any bearing in a court's decision, other than spouse support, unless her cheating endangered your kids.

However, you should not let her take your kids from their home, school, friends.

If she is quick to anger, must likely she will file a fake domestic abuse, to prepare the way to take custody from you.

Do what is best for your kids. From what you describe (felon, anger, taking off and leaving kids), what seems to be best for them is to stay with you. Protect them. Fight for them.

Get a lawyer. Go read and follow "the list".


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## leesandra14 (Feb 2, 2011)

After all she's not a good wife. She needs to realize that she have a wonderful family. She doesn't deserve your love and care. You need to move on but don't give the children to her. She is not a worthy mother.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You're better off letting her go. 

In regard to the kids, though....be very careful how you handle that. A refusal to let her see them could really hurt you when it comes to getting custody. If her boyfriend is a convicted felon, I would not refuse to let her see the kids, but I would tell her that she needs to come to your home or to some neutral location such as a park or Chuck E. Cheese or something like that. Tell her the boyfriend is not welcome and that if he comes, he will be asked to leave and if he refuses, her visit will be rescheduled for another time without his presence. 

Along with that, you need to go to court ASAP and file for custody, and make sure to mention the boyfriend, IF you have proof of his felony conviction (these records are public record, so it shouldn't be too hard to get copies of the info to go with your motion for custody). Make clear in your motion that you have no problem with her seeing the kids, but you DO have a problem with them being exposed to a convicted felon. This establishes that you are not trying to prevent her from seeing the kids, and are looking out for their best interests. 

If you're unable to prove that the boyfriend is a convicted felon, the most you can probably do is ask for a clause that says no overnight visitors and possibly not to introduce new relationships to the kids until/unless they are serious and about to lead to marriage. But if you do that, it will likely apply to you as well, so you have to be prepared for that, too.


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

atruckersgirl said:


> You're better off letting her go.
> 
> ask for a clause that says no overnight visitors and possibly not to introduce new relationships to the kids until/unless they are serious and about to lead to marriage. But if you do that, it will likely apply to you as well, so you have to be prepared for that, too.


That's completely fine...I have no interest in dating at all...I love my wife


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dad,
My wife also WAS with a confict and the only good thing about that is they almost always end up back in jail. For what ever thats worth.
Secondly, his history will not play out so well with the whole custody thing so you have that going for you.
When you do go meet a lawyer, bring in as many documents you can get with regard to who your wife is seeing and your own journels documenting her past history. Spend a little money and go online and get a back round check on him.
There are alot of sick people out there that use women to get at there kids so please to your research and find out who this guy is and what kind of crimes he has commited. 
It may help but it is costly to hire a PI and have your wife investigated with regards to her bad behaviors ie. bar hopping, going out late and such. 

All this info will turn this around and it will be you who is generous in letting your wife see the kids. If you know what I mean.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Once your kids are protected and you have some court orders in place then you can start working on other aspect, like youself and taking care of your health and doing things that will make you a better stronger, more confident person.


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## breathe (Feb 2, 2011)

michzz said:


> Get a good lawyer. Protect your family from her deceptive instability.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this :iagree:

she has made up her mind


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

more drama...I took the kids for their overnight visit as we agreed too, and she didn't bring them back today. Said she is going to enroll my son in school down there...

She kinda dropped a bomb on me, and said the last two years of our marriage she's wanted to leave me...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Can she do that? Have you called the police? That is so wrong to pull him out right know in the middle of the year. His residence is on record as being at your home. I would call everyone I could think of. Call CPS, call her family.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Please call the police and tell them your wife has abandon the family and has taken your son with permission or court order, inform them that your is preventing him from going to school and his current residence is your address. Do it Do it now


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

I went to court (California) and they won't make any immediate decisions until court date in front of judge...and won't file an emergency petition unless the child is in immediate danger.

The police say it isn't kidnapping because we both have the rights to the kids...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What about the OM can you get a court order or a restrianing order on behalf of your kid, in that he has to stay away from your wifes place while hes there?

What was he convicted of?

Have you called CPS?

If your kid has not been transfered to another school or if he/her (i forgot) has not been to school these last 2 days then you have an angle. look into the school thing I have a feeling it will pay off for you. I'd call both schools and look into it, they may even give you some direction in fighting this thing.


KEEP FIGHTING DO NOT GIVE UP.


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

He has two separate felonies, one for burglary which he did three years, and one for possession on an illegal modified weapon which he did one year...

I am not willing to give in anymore


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Second question, did your son and daughter make it to school?
If not, Monday would be a good day to start making phone calls. What about CPS? At the very least they can pay your wife a visit and at least virify that the kids are living in clean and health contitions.
Also inform them about the weapon charge.

You can fight this, it just going to take alot of phone calls. Start with CPS, propation dept, school district, ect...

The bottom line is your concerned for the kids and they may or amy not be attenting school and the man that is living with them is a convisted felon, your wife has taken them out of there home without permission. 

Granted CA is a meesed up state but if you keep calling sooner or later your will find and ear that will really care.
Even if they can direct you to additional resoures that will be worth the effort.

Have you talked to a lawyer? call the cops again, remember this is CA and every one is not going to give the most accurate info, my point is one cop may say one thing and you can call a second later and get a totaly differant story. you just have to keep pushing.

In another way to look at this is that their mother seems to be the kind of person that will soon get tired of the kids and go to you for either money and babysitting so I have a feeling the kids will be home soon.

The thing is alot can go bad between now and then.


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

kind of funny, you say that...she called asking for money today!

I have my daughter back, got her back on thursday...had to drive down to get her, but not sure how long it will last.

Thanks for all your responses, the info helps...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I suggest picking up some groceries for you son, and droping them off. Let her know that you will drop off the cash at her place, then just bring in the food. Good luck with that, something tells me she won't want you at her place,tough.

Hopefuly this will give you the oppertunity to see the extend of the OM's residence in your sons temporary home.

I also suggest as long as the both of you are married and she continues this affair you will not support her financialy. She left you for the OM, do not support them in any way. 

I really believe you need to make this as difficult as possible for thier relationship to continue. How much exposure have you done with regards to your wifes affair?


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