# Hubby wants separation first, counseling second



## romans1212 (Jun 26, 2012)

So my husband of 7 years feels like he wants out. He feels like we have lost the spark. He wants to get 2 apartments and try dating again. Problem is we have 3 small children. Ages 4, 5, and 6 months. He's going about this backward in my opinion... But maybe I'm too sad to see it could work? He wants to get counseling but not until we separate and get separate apartments. Is this the right or wrong thing to do??


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

He wants to have the freedom to be with his gym groupie(s). No separation. It's always BS. Go straight to D if he won't give up the side women.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

I agree, I think he wants out and he is wording it differently.


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## forthesakeofreason (May 29, 2012)

I'm in a similar situation. My wife told me she wants to leave, but she agreed to counseling. I've convinced her to stay until our counseling sessions start, and it wasn't hard.

I asked her:

1.) Why did she agree to counseling? (because she obviously somewhat cares about me or the relationship... not sure which, but you can use this info to defend your position)
2.) How does she know that a separation is the right thing to fix the situation? (what gives him the right to make that call? You're still married. Remind him.)
3.) Wouldn't it make more sense to wait and see if a counselor suggests it? (see question 1. If he cares about you still, let him know that this is the thing he needs to do to show you he cares.)

I basically rationalized that, "no, you're not a psychologist or relationship counselor, and neither am I, so let's wait and see what they have to say about."

If he's agreed to counseling, just drive the point home and hope for the best. The obvious point here is that you can't control what actions people take or how they feel, but if this requires you to get involved, you have the upper hand. 

"I'd be happy to get separate apartments after our first counseling session. --insert reasons from above about why he agreed to it--"

I know its tough. Hang in there, and good luck.


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