# constantly dramatic wife, need to leave but cant



## matty1979

hi Gang,

Will try and keep this short and sweet, I love my wife absolutley and shes a great mum to our 2.5 when she wants to be.....we have been married 7 years and been together 12.

I come from a very poor backgound and she has had a privileged life, the type thats never tidied her room in her life.

anyway, I turned my life around and ended up getting a great job, we got the nice house (**** hole when we got it but it was the one she wanted) i did the whole house up myself on my time off , i asked her help but she always had something better to do.

in fact when i was doing the floor she went on holiday to Mexico with her Mum.

She literally couldnt care about the effort i put in , i currently work away in the north sea for 2 weeks each month away from my friends and family, i pay all the bills/ mortgage , and i dont begrudge it at all , but an example of her at her finest is last night on the phone she gave me a bollocking for getting deliveries sent to the house so often as its" inconvenient" for her to answer the door WTF?!!?? is she mad. Blows my mind.

She acts like she has the ****test life in the world, its actually really upsetting after all i have done and continue to do. now before you say i have also done and continue to do all the romantic stuff , flowers etc weeknds away etc, not just materialistic stuff.

Any way shes a teacher, and she cares far more about it than me and the opinions of her peers are far more importnat than mine . I dont ask her for anything and i am essentially entirely independent , she is too busy with "schoolwork" to help with anything.
i have lots of teachers in my friends circle, and my best pal is actully at the same school as her! so i have inside info, she doesnt have to do as much work, she chooses too, in my opinion its an excsue as she cant be arsed to phone around for the best car insurrnace quote.
she doesnt even know who our mortgage is with.

there are so many instances where she has mugged me and our son off for "school work" but the second she decides she has 5 mins for us or me ! have to run around and jump through hoops for her , often at the expense of my friends and my family.
If i dont obey then somehow aparently I dont care about the family.
I am a very hands on dad, I have regular days where its daddy day care and mums doing her own thing (i appreciate it must be hard parenting on her own when im away at work, but its not a cruise ship, its a hard job)


Anyway i tried and tried and gladly I have just landed a local job , at the expense of a good wage and my 11 year career , as i thought it might help our relationship,so when i got the call i was happy and my wife and I went for a couple of drinks, early night about 21.00 so nothing as she had work the next day.
The next morning I got up at 5-30 am with our son , tired but in a good mood, but at 8am she gets up and comes down the stairs in hysterical tears as i made the night "all about me" and she couldnt "self care" what on earth does that even mean.!!
so i cant even enjoy getting a new job, its bonkers.

every conceivable event there is drama , tears and i am ALWAYS the bad guy. whatever , even i i ask her to hang her coat up rather than chuck it on the sofa after i have spent the day deep cleaning the house whilst shes been at work, she will literally shout something at me . 

im 40 and nobody else in my entire life talks to me they way she does, even my enemies. Some of my friends have said "christ matt if my wife spoke to me like yours just did to you id pack a bag for HER, and she'd be gone"

So .... my feelings are that because ive been too giving and just a total doormat for so long, she has zero respect for me and efforts ive put in and is quite frantically self obsessed, 
i cant win in any situation, ever, its never anything to do with her .

i also believe she has some sort of post natal depression but only I am the punching bag , nobody else . Shes had CBT therapy but i think its made it worse, she goes around with little notes all over the house saying how awesome she is and "i am worthy" i never said anything other that she is.!

the other headfuck is sometimes we are awesome and its literally perfect but its so few and far between, however it still makes me forget the day to day struggle and i end up going through the same process again. its like she gives a little every now and again to keep me being her lapdog.

we've done counsilling , couple and personal but here we are.

Its time to call it quits but im such a ***** i cant....arrrrrrggggghhhh

i

advice please......

thanks for reading.


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## bobert

matty1979 said:


> Its time to call it quits but im such a *** i cant....arrrrrrggggghhhh


Why can't you leave?


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## OddOne

Don't know about post natal depression. I'd try and remember how many of the signs of her current behavior were present before she became pregnant. Could be that she is just an entitled narcissist for, lack of a better way of putting it, who figures you aren't going anywhere because of the child you two share. Whatever the case, you need to check on your rights in the event of a separation and divorce. It may be necessary to file for divorce in order to "shock" her into understanding what she could lose if she doesn't start treating you like a husband instead of doormat.


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## OddOne

Basically, if she's pretty much always been the way you've described, then that's probably who she is and will always be (I'm assuming she's at least near 30 or older, so her brain is probably fully -developed), and that you've put up with it for so long tells her who you are. And you know what that is. I don't think this is beyond repair, but I'm not optimistic. If seriously considering divorce, I think it would be best to start working on your exit strategy now.


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## bobert

matty1979 said:


> Shes had CBT therapy but i think its made it worse, she goes around with little notes all over the house saying how awesome she is and "i am worthy" i never said anything other that she is.!


So on this... It doesn't matter what YOU think of her or have said to her. It's all about that little voice inside her head and how she thinks. 

You said your wife grew up privileged (wealthy, or just a spoiled brat?), then married a poor guy. You worked your butt off to get out of that and you provide for your family (where does your wife's money go??). For many people that is admirable, etc. For your wife, she may have a negative view that you have to work like that at all. Her parents/family may have talked down about anyone "lesser" than them. You also said she cares more about her job, and maybe she is more proud of her job than her home life. Maybe that makes her feel valued when her home life is "embarrassing" to her or something shameful. Do you see the connection there?


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## matty1979

thanks everyone,

It’s really interesting reading your opinions and it really helps, i haven’t left because to be honest I’m afraid of the pain it would cause, not just for me but for her, I’m not an ogre, it’s strange as I have a fantastic support network. 

her family definitely look down a bit on non-art/creative jobs, they are all really wordy and articulate etc, i think I was her bit of rough and it did, it was fun.

I don’t really know where my wife’s money goes, if I sat her down and asked her sincerely she would bite my head off immediately.

she’s 36 and has always been high maintenance I guess, she’s is very good at manipulating everything to be the victim, kind of like a gas lighter, and yes those personality traits have always been there, just didn’t mater so much until we had a kid.

she will say something outrageous and then before I even have a chance to react she will say "not in front of the child" and things like that.

my head knows she won’t change, but my heart is a delicate soul.

when I sit back and think over the years, she really has been horrible to me sometimes. when we try and have a frank discussion she will say "stop dragging up the past or we can’t move on"
and she is right, but….. if she keeps doing similar ****ty things how is she going to learn and grow. I have to bring it up .

when we had marriage counselling the councillor said you have to let things go, it doesn’t mater, some things don’t need resolutions and some do. 
I let so many things go just for an attempt at a quiet life, she however, when i put a foot wrong she’s on me like a ton of bricks.

I think she needs a guy who’s a writer on £300k a year who she respects, loves his job and isn’t intimidated by an intelligent aggressive women he and has the articulation to call her out when needed.

unfortunately that is not me.


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## Blondilocks

Don't you think it's time you rear up on your hind legs and have a come to Jesus convo with her? She continues to treat you poorly because you allow her.


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## Openminded

You married an entitled, spoiled princess. She isn’t “going to learn and grow” because she’s not interested in changing. Since you don’t really want to leave, you’ll be putting up with her disrespect (among other things) for the rest of your life. Your child will be observing everything and very likely create the same dynamic as an adult. Doesn’t sound too appealing, does it?


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## matty1979

yeah , the thought of things staying the same is unthinkable , do you think a" right then i'm off until you change" display of manning up , packing a bag and going would make her consider her actions and behaviour?


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## Blondilocks

matty1979 said:


> yeah , the thought of things staying the same is unthinkable , do you think a" right then i'm off until you change" display of manning up , packing a bag and going would make her consider her actions and behaviour?


First, make a list of her behaviors which you would like to see change and drop it in her lap on your way out the door. Look up the 180 and implement. Limit contact to discussing kid and finances. And, don't get her pregnant!


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## OddOne

matty1979 said:


> yeah , the thought of things staying the same is unthinkable , do you think a" right then i'm off until you change" display of manning up , packing a bag and going would make her consider her actions and behaviour?


It's generally not advised to leave the home as it can affect custody in the event of a divorce. You should probably start documenting her behavior. If you can, record it. Be sure to check local laws concerning that. An in-home separation is a a safer option. Restrict all interactions to the care of the child,financial matters. No more more comforting her. No more romantic gestures. Basically, the same as Blondilocks advises, though I am doubtful of the idea of dropping a list on your wife's lap, at least not initially. I think it would be more effective to let her stew under the 180 for a while then have her come to you to ask how she can fix this. Then I'd give her the list.


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## Andy1001

There’s an old saying “If you have an ass, ride him”. Well buddy you’re wife has an ass and she’s been riding him for years. 
Why should she change, everything in her life is fine and her husband is afraid to open his mouth much less do anything about her behavior. 
You know this is wrong and you know what exactly what you have to do so why are you not doing it? 
Start by finding out where your money is gone.


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## matty1979

the 180 sounds good , but theres no way id have the backbone to maintain it living in the same house . 

She needs to stop taking the piss,out of me and taking me for granted, i reckon i should leave a letter somewhere that is nicely worded but strong and if she doesnt want to change then ive made the jump, and the worst part is done, were no longer living together.

although i paid for house and everything andwe have considerable equity i couldnt give a toss if she takes the lot.

i dont want more bloody drama with courts etc if i can avoid it.


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## Rob_1

come on man...shut up and stop complaining. You will not be doing a thing, we know it, you know it. So please, just continue being the spineless doormat that you are. why getting upset at anything? you are what you are. Just know something in case that you don't know: women are attracted to confident, strong men of character and actions. YOU ARE NOT THAT, so logically, your wife doesn't respect you, or by now is not even attracted to you. To her you're just the mule, ass, ox, or whatever, that is there to provide and do. So, get over it and continue to be the passive/aggressive doormat that left his balls by the door the day you got marry to her.


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## DownByTheRiver

I have to agree that you don't think much of yourself. Maybe you think she looks good on your arm or convinces others you're a success or something, I don't know, but she sounds like she's just not someone who should be married, period. If her family has plenty of money, why IS she staying married? Certainly you are letting her run all over you and standing up now after this many years isn't going to work. 

It's on you whether you stay or go, but don't think you're going to change her. If you want a shot at happiness, don't choose spoiled princesses. At least she's working. I'll give her that. 

As for needing to talk to her and her shushing you, don't do it when the kids are at home and then she won't have any excuse to shush you. But she's not about to change.


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## matty1979

harsh but fair chaps, time to grow a pair, so **** it.. Gonna do something about it when im back from sea.


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## bobert

matty1979 said:


> Gonna do something about it when im back from sea


You need to come up with a solid plan _before_ you get home. Do not just wing it, and do not leave the house before talking to a lawyer. 

You also have to be ready to follow through with whatever you say. You cannot say or do something unless you really mean it. Well, you can but it won't do you any favors.


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## cuckoldwife

Unfortunately for you these are the cards that touched you in life. You had the opportunity to have the best game with them and yet your state of mind prevents you from enjoying the power that you have with them. You need to demonstrate your importance as a provider and understand that if you truly love her, you will have to keep indulging her more and more. Not that I'm boastful of telling you that you will soon be presumable and will end up cheating on you with another man who provides the same rush that she used to have with you. Talk to her and her feelings. Maybe you are looking to have an open relationship. Investigate her fantasies, I'm sure there is something in her that she hasn't wanted to tell you.


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## Dadto2

You’re not her husband. You’re a roommate who pays all the bills and puts up with a lot of crap. She needs you, not the other way around. Time to decide if you’re content being a pansy or want a real life. Sorry to be harsh, but there are women out there that deserve a guy like you. Your wife doesn’t sound like one of them.


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## jlg07

So, a couple of ideas for you. STOP listening to her when she goes off. Hold up your hand, tell her to STOP -- you are not going to continue the conversation until she can talk with you in a respectful tone, and then walk away. If she continues, just keep saying that OVER AND OVER AND OVER. She will get mad as hell -- tough for her.

"
there are so many instances where she has mugged me and our son off for "school work" but the second she decides she has 5 mins for us or me ! have to run around and jump through hoops for her , often at the expense of my friends and my family.
If i dont obey then somehow aparently I dont care about the family. "
SO STOP jumping through hoops and changing your plans. If you have something with friends/family and she complains that you don't love your family, just say "Sorry you feel that way" and walk away.
Your child knows how much you care -- make sure you stay close, so it doesn't matter how she tries to spin it. STOP caving in to her yelling. She sounds like a 3 year old -- to stop a temper tantrum, you don't give in -- you let it burn out...... She will eventually learn that she can't manipulate you this way (btw, you DO realize all that she is doing is to manipulate you, yes?)

"The next morning I got up at 5-30 am with our son , tired but in a good mood, but at 8am she gets up and comes down the stairs in hysterical tears as i made the night "all about me" and she couldnt "self care" what on earth does that even mean.!! "
Answer, wow sorry you feel that way -- I had a great time! (and walk away -- STOP feeding her drama -- doesn't work if its a one woman show with no audience).

"whatever , even i i ask her to hang her coat up rather than chuck it on the sofa after i have spent the day deep cleaning the house whilst shes been at work, she will literally shout something at me . "
So throw her coat on the floor, or pick it up and drop it on the floor in the closet. Not YOUR problem if her stuff is dirty -- since you cleaned everything else.

Man, STAND UP to her. You've taught her to treat you like this because you allow it. STOP her from doing by stop ALLOWING her to do it.

BTW, you better find out what she is up to with her money. You should tell her that you BOTH need to pay the bills and setup a joint account to do that. no more free rides. She is working, she can contribute.


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## bandit.45

Matty how do husbands generally fare in divorce court in Norway? Do they get their asses handed to them like British men do?


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## Diana7

I am afraid that you have a married a spoilt ,very high maintenance, entitled lady who has no respect for you at all. Its unlikely she will change because thats how she was bought up. 
You may need to shock her by writing all this down and saying that unless there are some massive changes in the next few months you will not stay. I feel for your child, if the child is female she will learn to be just like her mum, and if the child is a boy then he will learn that its ok if a woman treats him like this.


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## Diana7

bandit.45 said:


> Matty how do husbands generally fare in divorce court in Norway? Do they get their asses handed to them like British men do?


I am British, in my experience the British courts are pretty fair .


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## Rob_1

Diana7 said:


> I am British, in my experience the British courts are pretty fair .


It could my perception only, because I don't really know, but from what I read in fora like these, it seems to me that British men mostly do get burnt in court. The system is so biased against them, also it's my impression that family services or whatever the name in England are nothing but the worst government entity, when it comes to men. of course, there's always exceptions, but not the norm. No wonder why British men are so perceive to be wusses, not that they are, but that's the perception anywhere you go.


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## Diana7

Rob_1 said:


> It could my perception only, because I don't really know, but from what I read in fora like these, it seems to me that British men mostly do get burnt in court. The system is so biased against them, also it's my impression that family services or whatever the name in England are nothing but the worst government entity, when it comes to men. of course, there's always exceptions, but not the norm. No wonder why British men are so perceive to be wusses, not that they are, but that's the perception anywhere you go.


In all the divorces I know of things were pretty fair for both spouses. I think you may have perceived the wrong thing. Its Americans that I hear complain most about how biased their courts are against them.


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## Girl_power

I’m confused about the money situation. She works full time but doesn’t pay any bills!? So you guys have different bank accounts? 

Personally I think you should pick one thing to change and stick to it. Or else everything will be overwhelming and you will get no where. I personally think you need to demand she split the bills. I mean come on that is ridiculous. And when she verbally disrespects you, you need to be firm and say, don’t talk to me like that! That’s it. You need to do those first two things first.


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## matty1979

i think the "feeding drama" thing is a great point, i just need to say "nah no more". and "wow sorry you feel that wa"y, leave it there is great, i can tell you know though if i did that she would go mental, she would be awe struck! 
but after reading all these comments , i think im getting my head in the game .

No more piss taking, my current state of mind is to go down this route, which might save the marriage or just prolong the grief, or just leave and telll her to give me a call after shes sorted herself out.
Again she will manipulate things by saying "i have to raise our boy on my own you are working its exhausting" 

normally i think yeah, but now im come to realisation that actually i do loads and loads of lone parenting and now im gonna tell her to grow up, thats life with children, we made this call.

maybe even say if you cant handle i you move out, ill have custody till youve sorted yourself out.


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## matty1979

i think the "feeding drama" thing is a great point, i just need to say "nah no more". and "wow sorry you feel that wa"y, leave it there is great, i can tell you know though if i did that she would go mental, she would be awe struck! 
but after reading all these comments , i think im getting my head in the game .

No more piss taking, my current state of mind is to go down this route, which might save the marriage or just prolong the grief, or just leave and telll her to give me a call after shes sorted herself out.
Again she will manipulate things by saying "i have to raise our boy on my own you are working its exhausting" 

normally i think yeah, but now im come to realisation that actually i do loads and loads of lone parenting and now im gonna tell her to grow up, thats life with children, we made this call.

maybe even say if you cant handle i you move out, ill have custody till youve sorted yourself out.


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## matty1979

courts are fairly ok in the uk, i wouldnt come out of it pennyless.

in terms of her money, she takes home £1500 she pays £700 for chilcare , so she does contribute. but she still has £800 a month for shoes and haircuts, which i think is pretty privileged.


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## Beach123

It’s not that you can’t leave. You can.

IF you ever separate from her - make sure she is the one who leaves.

get stronger man... she is eating you alive. That no marriage. She uses you because you allow it.


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## Laurentium

matty1979 said:


> when we had marriage counselling the councillor said you have to let things go, it doesn’t mater, some things don’t need resolutions and some do.


Oh, boy. This is SO wrong. That kind of "counselling" ends marriages. 



matty1979 said:


> do you think a "right then i'm off until you change" display of manning up , packing a bag and going would make her consider her actions and behaviour?


Maybe, but probably not.


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## Laurentium

matty1979 said:


> Again she will manipulate things by saying "i have to raise our boy on my own you are working its exhausting"
> 
> normally i think yeah, but now im come to realisation that actually i do loads and loads of lone parenting


Ultimately the issue is not who does how much work. The issue is disrespect. And she may not have the capacity to respect another person.


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## matty1979

bandit.45 said:


> Matty how do husbands generally fare in divorce court in Norway? Do they get their asses handed to them like British men do?


im actually uk but i work in the waters around norway/denmark, so as for norway courts, not sure


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## Diceplayer

matty1979 said:


> the 180 sounds good , but theres no way id have the backbone to maintain it living in the same house .


And there you have it. Nothing will change until this does. I recommend you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover and "The Married Man's Life Primer" by Athol Kay and then place what you learn into practice. Talk about shock and awe. She will either shut-up or split up. Either way, your life gets better.


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## Beach123

See an attorney to understand your rights.


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## turnera

matty1979 said:


> the 180 sounds good , but theres no way id have the backbone to maintain it living in the same house .
> 
> She needs to stop taking the piss,out of me and taking me for granted, i reckon i should leave a letter somewhere that is nicely worded but strong and if she doesnt want to change then ive made the jump, and the worst part is done, were no longer living together.
> 
> although i paid for house and everything andwe have considerable equity i couldnt give a toss if she takes the lot.
> 
> i dont want more bloody drama with courts etc if i can avoid it.


Order the book No More Mr Nice Guy and read it before you decide to do anything. Let us know what you think.


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## MattMatt

@matty1979 Are you both from the same country, the same culture?


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## matty1979

yeah same country and culture just differernt classes


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## Openminded

Class differences are still alive and well in many places.


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## Kaliber

Diceplayer said:


> I recommend you read "*No More Mr. Nice Guy*" by Robert Glover and "*The Married Man's Life Primer*" by Athol Kay


*matty1979, This, read those two books, it will change you life if you follow the advice in them, get the e-book version and read it where you are at sea, you can finish them in a couple of days!*


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## aine

matty1979 said:


> i think the "feeding drama" thing is a great point, i just need to say "nah no more". and "wow sorry you feel that wa"y, leave it there is great, i can tell you know though if i did that she would go mental, she would be awe struck!
> but after reading all these comments , i think im getting my head in the game .
> 
> No more piss taking, my current state of mind is to go down this route, which might save the marriage or just prolong the grief, or just leave and telll her to give me a call after shes sorted herself out.
> Again she will manipulate things by saying "i have to raise our boy on my own you are working its exhausting"
> 
> normally i think yeah, but now im come to realisation that actually i do loads and loads of lone parenting and now im gonna tell her to grow up, thats life with children, we made this call.
> 
> maybe even say if you cant handle i you move out, ill have custody till youve sorted yourself out.


@matty1979 apart from 'growing a pair' which is great advice, I suggest you go to therapy/counselling to see why it is you let this woman walk all over your boundaries and disrespect you. You have given her control, now it is time to take it back. Your therapist will teach you techniques to do that. Things like the 180, standing your ground and saying 'sorry you feel that way.' no, I do NOT agree.
"when you scream and shout, I am no longer listening" learn to walk away, these things can be learned.
You may find that you love the new you and may not want to stay with her, alternatively she may begin to respect the new you and the restoration of balance in your relationship.
Relationships do not work when the balance of control is out of whack, you have allowed this to happen. take back your power.
The first thing to do is tell her 'wifey now that i am at home and earning lower pay, we need to pool our resources, what have you been spending your money on, I will no longer be carrying the finances alone.'
Now it is time for you to share the house work, child care, etc
She will not like it but be firm.


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## TomNebraska

matty1979 said:


> ...
> Again she will manipulate things by saying "i have to raise our boy on my own you are working its exhausting"
> 
> normally i think yeah, but now im come to realisation that actually i do loads and loads of lone parenting and now im gonna tell her to grow up, thats life with children, we made this call.
> ...


Her behavior is abusive, and indicative of some other underlying mental/personality issues. You mentioned she had CBT... why was that?

You should not focus on "_what_" she says, as much as you should understand the dynamic: _"she gets upset by something else, but always takes it out on me_." So what this means is that _what _she says will likely not make sense, or be consistent, or ultimately even matter. If you address the "_what_" it's not like she will be happy and change her behavior for the better, right? She'll simply find something else to complain about.

In the long run, this dynamic is not going to change; ultimately it's up to you to decide whether you want to tolerate this or not.

If fear of divorce, or the consequences of divorce are what's holding you back, I suggest you get a personal recommendation for a good divorce attorney in your country, and go pay them for an hour consultation to understand likely outcomes if you file.

Make sure to compile the relevent information beforehand (ages of children, incomes, length of marriage, marital assets, etc.) so the hour session can be productive.

Also, keep this on the DL (the "down low") as we say in the states... don't let your wife know you did this, or she'll likely freak out and her behavior and conflict at home will escalate to a higher plateau.


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## TomNebraska

aine said:


> @matty1979 apart from 'growing a pair' which is great advice, I suggest you go to therapy/counselling to see why it is you let this woman walk all over your boundaries and disrespect you. You have given her control, now it is time to take it back. ...


This is good advice, and he _should _seek counseling, and regain control of his life. 

BUT he shouldn't be under any illusion that getting control will end the constant conflict with his wife, improve his homelife, or even make it tolerable.


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## Buttugly

matty1979 said:


> hi Gang,
> 
> Will try and keep this short and sweet, I love my wife absolutley and shes a great mum to our 2.5 when she wants to be.....we have been married 7 years and been together 12.
> 
> I come from a very poor backgound and she has had a privileged life, the type thats never tidied her room in her life.
> 
> anyway, I turned my life around and ended up getting a great job, we got the nice house (**** hole when we got it but it was the one she wanted) i did the whole house up myself on my time off , i asked her help but she always had something better to do.
> 
> in fact when i was doing the floor she went on holiday to Mexico with her Mum.
> 
> She literally couldnt care about the effort i put in , i currently work away in the north sea for 2 weeks each month away from my friends and family, i pay all the bills/ mortgage , and i dont begrudge it at all , but an example of her at her finest is last night on the phone she gave me a bollocking for getting deliveries sent to the house so often as its" inconvenient" for her to answer the door WTF?!!?? is she mad. Blows my mind.
> 
> She acts like she has the ****test life in the world, its actually really upsetting after all i have done and continue to do. now before you say i have also done and continue to do all the romantic stuff , flowers etc weeknds away etc, not just materialistic stuff.
> 
> Any way shes a teacher, and she cares far more about it than me and the opinions of her peers are far more importnat than mine . I dont ask her for anything and i am essentially entirely independent , she is too busy with "schoolwork" to help with anything.
> i have lots of teachers in my friends circle, and my best pal is actully at the same school as her! so i have inside info, she doesnt have to do as much work, she chooses too, in my opinion its an excsue as she cant be arsed to phone around for the best car insurrnace quote.
> she doesnt even know who our mortgage is with.
> 
> there are so many instances where she has mugged me and our son off for "school work" but the second she decides she has 5 mins for us or me ! have to run around and jump through hoops for her , often at the expense of my friends and my family.
> If i dont obey then somehow aparently I dont care about the family.
> I am a very hands on dad, I have regular days where its daddy day care and mums doing her own thing (i appreciate it must be hard parenting on her own when im away at work, but its not a cruise ship, its a hard job)
> 
> 
> Anyway i tried and tried and gladly I have just landed a local job , at the expense of a good wage and my 11 year career , as i thought it might help our relationship,so when i got the call i was happy and my wife and I went for a couple of drinks, early night about 21.00 so nothing as she had work the next day.
> The next morning I got up at 5-30 am with our son , tired but in a good mood, but at 8am she gets up and comes down the stairs in hysterical tears as i made the night "all about me" and she couldnt "self care" what on earth does that even mean.!!
> so i cant even enjoy getting a new job, its bonkers.
> 
> every conceivable event there is drama , tears and i am ALWAYS the bad guy. whatever , even i i ask her to hang her coat up rather than chuck it on the sofa after i have spent the day deep cleaning the house whilst shes been at work, she will literally shout something at me .
> 
> im 40 and nobody else in my entire life talks to me they way she does, even my enemies. Some of my friends have said "christ matt if my wife spoke to me like yours just did to you id pack a bag for HER, and she'd be gone"
> 
> So .... my feelings are that because ive been too giving and just a total doormat for so long, she has zero respect for me and efforts ive put in and is quite frantically self obsessed,
> i cant win in any situation, ever, its never anything to do with her .
> 
> i also believe she has some sort of post natal depression but only I am the punching bag , nobody else . Shes had CBT therapy but i think its made it worse, she goes around with little notes all over the house saying how awesome she is and "i am worthy" i never said anything other that she is.!
> 
> the other headfuck is sometimes we are awesome and its literally perfect but its so few and far between, however it still makes me forget the day to day struggle and i end up going through the same process again. its like she gives a little every now and again to keep me being her lapdog.
> 
> we've done counsilling , couple and personal but here we are.
> 
> Its time to call it quits but im such a *** i cant....arrrrrrggggghhhh
> 
> i
> 
> advice please......
> 
> thanks for reading.


Without knowing the whole story I have to assume your wife is a spoiled fool...Try MC if it don't help and she don't change for the better then you have to make a choice ....stay and be unhappy or leave . You sound like a great husband , I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you at this time. Best of luck in your marriage.


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