# My wife cheated multiple times but admitted it and is sorry



## nilokonyako

Bear with me, this is a long one.
Last friday, feb 3 2012, while at work at night shift I got a text from a stranger telling me that they saw my wife out in the middle of the night 2 times in this past week, 1 with her sister and a guy, and the second with the guy alone, and seemed to have something between them and that I'd want to watch her actions more carefully. We are living with her younger brother so as soon as I got home from work, I immediately asked him if he knew about my wife leaving at almost midnight and returning past 3 am to which he confirmed.
I confronted my wife about this to which she admitted. She said they were only friends and it was nothing etc. This is my third time catching her with someone that she said was her friend. Once was in our previous apartment . The guy was hiding in the other room with her sister when I came in and was afraid to come out. My wife said that it was her sister's boyfriend and only visiting her so I passed it as nothing to do with her. 2nd was when I had this gut feeling when I called her while at work that something was wrong when she said she was out at a certain time one night so I went out the office early. I came to our home to find out she was not there. Then I saw her getting dropped off by someone. I got so mad I laid hand on her and when I asked who that is, he said it was a friend who'll be married in a month and who just wanted to be reunited with his friends for the last time. I demanded she show me where this guy lived but she won't. She said she was sorry she didn't tell me about that.
3 years passed and now with our 2nd (almost 2yo) child and this recent incident happened. I was really mad and hurt so I decided that instead of physically hurting her, I went and stayed at her sister's (the one who lived with us in our previous apartments) house in a nearby city.
As I confided to her sister during my stay about what happened, her sister thought my wife told me everything and slipped into saying about the past that she's been sexual relationships with men, in our own previous apartments, in our own bed. Also, her other sister and her husband, who also lived with us in our previous apartment knew this. Old friends will go to our apartment and they will get drunk and sex will happen. Drunk or not, her sister said my wife allowed her old friends to sleep in our bedroom. This included her old friends, an ex, previous suitors, who she just bumped again into and who've been friending her through text. When she was drunk (she never drinked in front of me), even new friends gets to do it to her. I was told this went on for months. I was devastated. The timid, shy, loving girl I knew for seven years of marriage was gone. 
My wife also called her sister when I was there (because she didn't know I was there) and said to her sister it (her current leaving the house) happened because I was always busy and never had enough time for her and she became bored. She felt I didn't care for her, I don't know here anymore and more, to which I can somehow agree.
Learning this, after 2 days I went back home. I confronted her about this and she denied everything. She said those were only her friends and nothing sexual happened. I told her not to deny because It was her sisters who told me about everything. She said her sisters don't know anything and are adding their own stories. After almost two days of urging her to come clean if she wants our relationship back, she started admitting but not to all of those men her sister mentioned. I felt she's still hiding information.
I said we should just be friends and could now do anything we want. I pretended to be not hurt by everything. I asked her casually and said that it's all in the past so there's no reason to hide anything now, i wont be hurt, and we're only talking as friends. And with her believing that coming clean will be the first step to returning to our previous state in our relationship, one by one she admitted those things. I casually smile with her when she starts slipping to my questions asking what happened the first 4 years of our marriage. My face was smiling. My heart was getting stabbed again and again, story after story, detail after every detail. Sometimes she goes to another relationship immediately after another. She's been with 5(?) guys, mostly related to each other, mostly friends with each other, mostly on the same part of the city as the other. She did it with the guy who's gonna get married. She's doing it with the one she made me believe before was her sister's boyfriend. Sometimes, she said when drunk, she wakes up with two guys beside her not sure what happened. Never in my mid did I think that my loving wife would do such things. I expected highly of her. This was all on the first four years of our marriage. She said she stopped when she got pregnant with our youngest kid 3years ago and decided to change herself since then.
I also said I know our youngest was not mine, although I was just really joking when I said it. She said I "believe" its yours. WTF? Now my son, the boy who supposedly would carry my name, is now not 100% sure mine. Everything I believed for 7 years, broken in 3 days.
She told me she cant live with me with the guilt of those sins she did. She told me it's ok that now were just friends. She said that maybe this way, we'd be truer to each other. She said the only way I could be happy again is if I will try too look for another girl. A girl that maybe would be the one I'd be lifetime together with. (now as I was typing this, she just texted me to Please come home.) She said if I find out that the girl I had relationships is not the one, I could always return to her. She said I could do what I want. She even joke about me matching her numbers and then come back. She said she's sorry this all happened. She said If i decided that I'd forgive her, even at that very moment, and I would not rub on her what she did, she'll stop everything. She says then she'll got to the friends she's meeting on the last incident and settle everthing. She said she had a real friend there. He was the only real friend she had now. He gives her advice. Good advice. She said he even said that she should not give me up. She will tell those friends she'd stop If i decided I totally forgive her. I said she should be carefull with that guy since he's married and they drink when they meet, but she says nothing happens with them, honestly, and the guy loves his family so much.
Now that she admitted everthing, and was now true and honest to me, she will love me again like before, she promised. But better if I try other girls first and lift both her and me from the burden of the sins she did and prove to myself that in the end she will still the one I'd chose, if i still love her.
If I decide I want to give time for myself, cool everything down, try relationships with others again, she said she'd go with her friends and try to be happy too because she'd be crazy and lonely thinking about me, seing the house without me around. She promised that nothing sexual will happen again.
I love her very much I cant stand the thought of living my life without her on my side. Living and raising our kids without her. It fcking destroys me. I am in pain. Although I pretend everythings ok when Im with her since she's now only just my "friend." She keeps saying she's sorry and beg for us to start again, with the conditions she said.
Im devastated, help me what to do.


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## Hope1964

Wow. Um, you need to get away from her. Like, now. She is a serial cheater and quite possibly a sex addict. You need to get tested for STDS. And you need to have a paternity test done. Your kids may or may not be yours.

And keep your kids. What a toxic environment for them to grow up in!!!! Kick her to the curb, change the locks, and DO NOT let her back in till she has done some SERIOUS therapy.


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## rrrbbbttt

She want to maintain you as the bill payerand is trying to recover you as the Bank, she is a serial cheater from what you have written.

You need to take the hard line with her but from what you have written you seem to not want the confontation.

The question for you Are you strong enough to do the things and hold her accountable to save your marriage or do you not want to do the work.

You still have to be willing to walk away.

First get a DNA test for your children, and do the 180 if you are not willing to do this might as well go to another site to find a WIMP plan that won't work.


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## TBT

Agree with the other posters.It sounds like Crazytown where you live.Just for clarification,have you been violent with her? Your post implies that in a way.


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## bryanp

You would have to be a total masochist to stay with her. Get tested for STD's and get paternity tests done. How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? 

I have never read anybody with such denial as you. You catch a man hiding in your closet and you accept her excus?. Unbelievable. Look she has absolutely no respect for you and your so called marriage. How many times does she need to play you for such a complete fool? If you do not respect yourself then who will? If you stay with her it will be a matter of time before she puts your health and life at risk for a serious STD. Enough is enough!


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## Lone Star

I read your story but I saw no real remorse from your wife. She laid all this on you and then acts like she can stop all of it anytime she wants. What a crock of crap! I know that you love her but she is not good for you. She clearly has a problem. She has disrespected you and your children. You need to break contact with her for now, get yourself tested for STD's and DNA on your children. I know that having DNA test on children probably breaks your heart but if you don't do it you will always wonder, no matter how much you love them. I'm really sorry you are going through this but you need to be free of your wife for now to absorb all that has happened.


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## bryanp

One more thing to consider. She had no problem bringing one of her lovers to your home to screw him in your bed. How could you possibly accept this? Maybe you should ask yourself why you would want to love a woman who would engage in so much hurt, pain, humiliation and disrespect to you? She has had so many lovers that it is quite probable that you have had sex with her after she had just been with one of her countless lovers.


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## spudster

Do you live in a trailer park or HUD apartment housing?


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## Jonesey

Of the od chance this is not a troll story..
I seriously deeply hope it is..

I am so stunned.That the only thing i can come up with.

Is WHY the debate??


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## asylumspadez

I would DNA test both your kids, She cheated on you multiple times and chances are your kids may not be yours. Also, She wants you to find another woman to be with, Take her up on that offer. I would (as revenger and this is just me talking) sleep with any close friend of hers that I could and after I slept with a few. I would tell her in great detail about it and rub her face in it.

To keep it simple - She is a cheating *****. Is she really worth it?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Serial cheaters will always cheat. I have a feeling your wife wants you back for a roof over her head, she is using you. I'd walk away from all of this and demand a paternity test for all your chidren. There is no need to pay child support to children that are not yours.

Your wife also has a drinking problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lone Star

Your wife wants you to be with other women in order to make herself feel better. She can then turn the tables on you and say you cheated too but it will not be viewed as an eye for an eye your wife's book.


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## spudster

You can use your food stamps to buy a rubber.


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## Shaggy

Troll. No man could actual be this stupid or wimpy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kallan Pavithran

I Cheated On My Husband For 14 Years And Used Him For Money – 5 Of Our 7 Children Are NOT His And Now I’m Leaving Him & Taking The House

I Cheated On My Husband For 14 Years And Used Him For Money – 5 Of Our 7 Children Are NOT His And Now I’m Leaving Him & Taking The House | AskUgg! | Cheating, Relationships, Dating, Sex, Intimacy, Infidelity, It’s all here!

Read this

Your case is worse than this.

Are you a a man?


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## hookares

Five out of seven? Even my ex couldn't have pulled that off on me.
Not surprised to see she ended up with everything, though. The judge who handled the divorce must have gotten his training from the Maury Show like my "Rhodes Scholar" did.


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## MrK

nilokonyako said:


> She promised that nothing sexual will happen again.


And I swear every day that I'm going to quit looking at internet porn...


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## Shaggy

So in the case from that link, I think the death penalty might be spot on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar

Dude, bringing several different men into the martial bed is totally disrespectful. Run....run as fast as you can! See if the boy is actually your son. If your WW doesn't like it, TOUGH!! She shouldn't have put you in a position to even find out! Being friends isn't an option right now. You can't be friends with someone that has hurt you this deeply.


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## Dexter Morgan

nilokonyako said:


> She keeps saying she's sorry and beg for us to start again, with the conditions she said.


You mean the condition that you don't "rub it in her face" ?

So basically, she wants you to just drop it, and if you ever have a trigger, or are hurting, you are suppose to just shut up about it and not say a word?

And on top of that, she will only "stop everything" she is doing if you promised her that.

Boy, she thinks she gets to call the shots here. Does she?


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## Speed

Please. Seriously, please, tell me this is a joke.

GROW BALLS. Either you never had any or she removed them when you two were married. 

Yea it is totally worth saving. I mean she has only cheated on you, lied to you your entire marriage and isn't even sure that the children are yours.

Hell, just keep at it buddy. Years down the road and you will be supporting 10 kids from different men. Then you can sit around and try to guess which one is yours.


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## Entropy3000

Shaggy said:


> Troll. No man could actual be this stupid or wimpy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:redcard: Challenge Flag indeed

Yeah this did not happen. Then the comment "3 years passed and now with our 2nd (almost 2yo) child" .... total :slap:


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## the guy

Just want to let you know you are not the only one out there. My story, in short, my WW in the last 13 years has had 20 men, its been 2 years since d-day and I just foUnd out it was 13 years.20 OM and one OW....TALK ABOUT TRICKEL TRUTH...GEEZ!!!!!


Anyway my advice to you is your WW has to completly own this crap and you have nothing to do with her kind of behavior. It is her that has to address her behavior/life style and take the steps to understand why she has this unhealthy characteristic that makes her behave this way and get the answers on how to prevent them.

This is all on her to learning how to have healthy behaviors, by getting the counseling to understand why she needs to have some kind of validation from other men.

Beside my WW transparentcy, accountablity, and lifestyle change, it was a must that she adress this unhealthy behavior with a professional.


Sure it takes two to have a bad marriage, but as individuals we make the choice to behave the way we do.

I hope you understand it is your WW that has to fix her self before she can fix a marriage, a family, and a wounded husband.


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## Tover26

Don't take revenge by having affairs, you'll lose the moral high ground and part of your soul. Stay true and buy time to see what will be. Smiling and playing it cool is perfect. Gather evidence. Make plans for divorce or staying together - your call. 

Like me, you might find that having kids really complicates the hell out of things. It hurts but it hurts even more if you have kids and have to stay to buy time. Be strong. Take the high road. Your wife is full of **** and doesn't realize it. Don't give her ammo to use against you and the kids by copycatting her crappy behavior. You'll never regret looking back and knowing you did the right thing for yourself, for your kids, and in the eyes of those who truly do love and care for you. 

The right thing in this case is honoring your marriage vows until such time as you pull the plug on teh marriage and get divorced.


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## rrrbbbttt

Entropy3000 said:


> :redcard: Challenge Flag indeed
> 
> Yeah this did not happen. Then the comment "3 years passed and now with our 2nd (almost 2yo) child" .... total :slap:


:iagree:

Apparently, the Troll has left the building.


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## Kallan Pavithran

troll......... troll.................. troll...........
some perverts fantsy


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## nilokonyako

Entropy3000 said:


> :redcard: Challenge Flag indeed
> 
> Yeah this did not happen. Then the comment "3 years passed and now with our 2nd (almost 2yo) child" .... total :slap:


My youngest will be 2 this march and the incident when I saw her getting dropped off by someone was May almost 3 years ago. I think we found out her being pregnant June. June-March is nine months.


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## nilokonyako

Yeah I really love her that's why this is killing me. Everything just unfolded very fast and I have just found out everything and I'm just very deppresed while typing those and my emotions were everywhere.

Days have passed and now she seemed genuinely sorry. She's asking me what she needs to do in order to gain my love back. She's promising everything without conditions. She promised she'll be there If I decide to come back. She said she'd prove to me that she can change and love me the way she did before.

I said to give ourselves space.

I just took my eldest, my daughter, with me to my parents house so I could still work because I did not report to work yesterday (tuesday). 

How can I know if she really wants to change herself? Is there really no hope for this?


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## nilokonyako

I have never caught her in the act. Hadn't she admitted these, all of the things she did will still be a secret. But she admitted even though I have no proof of my accusations. Does that not count as something?

I really want to save the marriage. 

You're opinions are very much appreciated. Thank you.


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## the guy

I think it says alot, it was a big risk she took in owning up. I suggest you keep an eye on her and if her action and change in life style dictated that she is willing to learn healthier behaviors and understanding what she did and how to prevent it then there is a faith that one can have that infidelity can be overcome.

Trust through validation is the path you can take to work this out, but some may argue that becoming a mamber of the cheater police is not worth it. 

It sound like you now know exactly what you are going to forgive her for with her confession so thats a start. The big trick is forgiving her and that she gets the help that will prevent her from doing this unhealthy behavior again.


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## wizer

> nilokonyako :
> I have never caught her in the act. Hadn't she admitted these, all of the things she did will still be a secret. But she admitted even though I have no proof of my accusations. Does that not count as something?


Nah, she was just looking to see how much you could handle before dumping her so she wouldn't have to do it.

She never expected you to be like "ok it was at least 5 guys, at least one in our own bed, one or both of our kids might not even be mine, you didn't tell me about any of this until you were caught sneaking out in the middle of the night along with several other questionable incidents, but I will forgive all that as long as you promise never to do it again".

Since you actually DID take it all in stride..because you're afraid of the alternative, which is to kick her to the curb and take your chances going at life alone, she's turning it around and being the one to say "go meet other women, and I'll do what is necessary to be happy because I'll miss you" (or something along those lines), so she can continue the same lifestyle she's been living probably the entire time you've been together. She says "now that she's been completely honest she will love you again and stop cheating" and you're ready to buy into it as if it makes even a little bit of sense which it absolutely does not.

Nothings going to change. She'll keep screwing other guys whether you're around or not. 

Even if you're too weak to walk away from this abortion, at least acknowledge it. As it stands you're being as dishonest with yourself as she is.


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## nilokonyako

Can moving away and starting anew help? To somewhere near MY relatives this time.

I don't understand why it's not possible for her to change. How would you know if she genuinely does want to change?


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## nilokonyako

Also, our kids. I don't want them growing up with a broken family. What if she really changed, my kids are still young, can we just never bring this up again? Will that be healthy?


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## Entropy3000

nilokonyako said:


> Also, our kids. I don't want them growing up with a broken family. What if she really changed, my kids are still young, can we just never bring this up again? Will that be healthy?


A family can be broken while living together. An unhealthy marriage is really a broken family. The problem is that bringing up children in this type of relationship has a real negative impact on children. We teach our children what a good marriage is by our actions and our boundaries. A boy seeing his father emasculated in this manner is being abused in my opinion. He learns from his father what being a man is.

She has proven who she is. Expecting a change is very unrealistic and I think counter-productive. It is better to find a good woman and not expect a bad one to change. The person who you can control is yourself. You are the one who should change. She will not change unless you change. Maybe not even then. Start focusing on yourself.

There is no incentive for her to change. She is behaving the way she wants. She desires other men.


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## mrbiggz

Nilo, what has changed her so much that she now realizes that she can't live without you and you are to be respected as well as being loved and honored? 

Short of her letting god come into her heart, the honorable Elijah Muhammad visiting her in her sleep like he did Malcolm X, or Buddha or whomever she is still the same person. She also hasn't had years of therapy either.

What do you think is going to happen when you turn your back and your not looking again? She may not screw up right away, but she will eventually, whether that is a week from now or 5 years she will. Do yourself a favor and cut your losses so you can find a woman who has the same moral and family values as yourself. Believe me I know.


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## Entropy3000

nilokonyako said:


> My youngest will be 2 this march and the incident when I saw her getting dropped off by someone was May almost 3 years ago. I think we found out her being pregnant June. June-March is nine months.


My point is that you were still with her after three years. I find that UFB.


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## Entropy3000

nilokonyako said:


> I have never caught her in the act. Hadn't she admitted these, all of the things she did will still be a secret. But she admitted even though I have no proof of my accusations. *Does that not count as something?*
> 
> I really want to save the marriage.
> 
> You're opinions are very much appreciated. Thank you.


Not much really. She is just rubbing your face in it. You are failing the fitness test. She has no reason to keep anything secret. She gets off on humiliating you. You let her do it. She will continue to have sex with men she finds fit. Men who take what they want. Not weak men.


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## nilokonyako

Entropy3000 said:


> My point is that you were still with her after three years. I find that UFB.


I stated this for those who think this is a troll post.

I was still with her still after three years because before, she just told me that nothing's happening. She's just with old friends.

It was only on the with the current incidents, which happened last week, did she admit what really happened all these years.


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## sinnister

Go to a hard copy phone book.

Close your eyes while you flip through the pages.

Open your eyes and read the first female name you see.

You know that woman about as well as you know your "wife".

You want to "save your marriage". Dude..you have NO MARRIAGE.

And I thought you said she "believes" the kid is yours. You keep making reference to your kids. It's only kid until your sure of the other one.

Train wreck.


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## Entropy3000

nilokonyako said:


> I stated this for those who think this is a troll post.
> 
> I was still with her still after three years because before, *she just told me that nothing's happening. She's just with old friends.*
> 
> It was only on the with the current incidents, which happened last week, did she admit what really happened all these years.


And why would such an explanation warrant such blind trust in that situation. That is what I find so unbelieveable. Over the top gullible.


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## Shaggy

Her saying sorry at this point is like saddam saying sorry. She's not even sure the kids are yours. That shws a complete absence of love or respect. And you just accepting her back knisng what a cheap easy you know what she is, sends the message to her that she can cheat without consequence AND even worse it teaches your kids ( the ones that are yours) that it is ok for a woman to act like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

nilokonyako said:


> I stated this for those who think this is a troll post.
> 
> I was still with her still after three years because before, she just told me that nothing's happening. She's just with old friends.
> 
> It was only on the with the current incidents, which happened last week, did she admit what really happened all these years.


Quit deluding yourself. Your wife is a serial cheater just like mine. Except it has taken me 21 years to come to that conclusion. Don't waste your life and end up like me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem

I like your username it fits your situation. The translation is "She cheated on me", not the word for word translation of course, but the general meaning.

If you want to sweep this under the rug, then keep this in mind.


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## Kallan Pavithran

He want to R, he is not even sure that the children are his loooool.

I feel really pitty for these kind of gutless peoples.

There is a reason for her to cheat, because she was married to a person without dignity, self respect and nuts.
How can you expect her to be faithful to him?

Acept her all conditions and go for R, learn "how to be a better cucklod and doormat" and write a book on that


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## Initfortheduration

nilokonyako said:


> Bear with me, this is a long one.
> Last friday, feb 3 2012, while at work at night shift I got a text from a stranger telling me that they saw my wife out in the middle of the night 2 times in this past week, 1 with her sister and a guy, and the second with the guy alone, and seemed to have something between them and that I'd want to watch her actions more carefully. We are living with her younger brother so as soon as I got home from work, I immediately asked him if he knew about my wife leaving at almost midnight and returning past 3 am to which he confirmed.
> I confronted my wife about this to which she admitted. She said they were only friends and it was nothing etc. This is my third time catching her with someone that she said was her friend. Once was in our previous apartment . The guy was hiding in the other room with her sister when I came in and was afraid to come out. My wife said that it was her sister's boyfriend and only visiting her so I passed it as nothing to do with her. 2nd was when I had this gut feeling when I called her while at work that something was wrong when she said she was out at a certain time one night so I went out the office early. I came to our home to find out she was not there. Then I saw her getting dropped off by someone. I got so mad I laid hand on her and when I asked who that is, he said it was a friend who'll be married in a month and who just wanted to be reunited with his friends for the last time. I demanded she show me where this guy lived but she won't. She said she was sorry she didn't tell me about that.
> 3 years passed and now with our 2nd (almost 2yo) child and this recent incident happened. I was really mad and hurt so I decided that instead of physically hurting her, I went and stayed at her sister's (the one who lived with us in our previous apartments) house in a nearby city.
> As I confided to her sister during my stay about what happened, her sister thought my wife told me everything and slipped into saying about the past that she's been sexual relationships with men, in our own previous apartments, in our own bed. Also, her other sister and her husband, who also lived with us in our previous apartment knew this. Old friends will go to our apartment and they will get drunk and sex will happen. Drunk or not, her sister said my wife allowed her old friends to sleep in our bedroom. This included her old friends, an ex, previous suitors, who she just bumped again into and who've been friending her through text. When she was drunk (she never drinked in front of me), even new friends gets to do it to her. I was told this went on for months. I was devastated. The timid, shy, loving girl I knew for seven years of marriage was gone.
> My wife also called her sister when I was there (because she didn't know I was there) and said to her sister it (her current leaving the house) happened because I was always busy and never had enough time for her and she became bored. She felt I didn't care for her, I don't know here anymore and more, to which I can somehow agree.
> Learning this, after 2 days I went back home. I confronted her about this and she denied everything. She said those were only her friends and nothing sexual happened. I told her not to deny because It was her sisters who told me about everything. She said her sisters don't know anything and are adding their own stories. After almost two days of urging her to come clean if she wants our relationship back, she started admitting but not to all of those men her sister mentioned. I felt she's still hiding information.
> I said we should just be friends and could now do anything we want. I pretended to be not hurt by everything. I asked her casually and said that it's all in the past so there's no reason to hide anything now, i wont be hurt, and we're only talking as friends. And with her believing that coming clean will be the first step to returning to our previous state in our relationship, one by one she admitted those things. I casually smile with her when she starts slipping to my questions asking what happened the first 4 years of our marriage. My face was smiling. My heart was getting stabbed again and again, story after story, detail after every detail. Sometimes she goes to another relationship immediately after another. She's been with 5(?) guys, mostly related to each other, mostly friends with each other, mostly on the same part of the city as the other. She did it with the guy who's gonna get married. She's doing it with the one she made me believe before was her sister's boyfriend. Sometimes, she said when drunk, she wakes up with two guys beside her not sure what happened. Never in my mid did I think that my loving wife would do such things. I expected highly of her. This was all on the first four years of our marriage. She said she stopped when she got pregnant with our youngest kid 3years ago and decided to change herself since then.
> I also said I know our youngest was not mine, although I was just really joking when I said it. She said I "believe" its yours. WTF? Now my son, the boy who supposedly would carry my name, is now not 100% sure mine. Everything I believed for 7 years, broken in 3 days.
> *She told me she cant live with me with the guilt of those sins she did. She told me it's ok that now were just friends. She said that maybe this way, we'd be truer to each other. She said the only way I could be happy again is if I will try too look for another girl. A girl that maybe would be the one I'd be lifetime together with. (now as I was typing this, she just texted me to Please come home.) She said if I find out that the girl I had relationships is not the one, I could always return to her. She said I could do what I want. She even joke about me matching her numbers and then come back.* She said she's sorry this all happened. She said If i decided that I'd forgive her, even at that very moment, and I would not rub on her what she did, she'll stop everything. She says then she'll got to the friends she's meeting on the last incident and settle everthing. She said she had a real friend there. He was the only real friend she had now. He gives her advice. Good advice. She said he even said that she should not give me up. She will tell those friends she'd stop If i decided I totally forgive her. I said she should be carefull with that guy since he's married and they drink when they meet, but she says nothing happens with them, honestly, and the guy loves his family so much.
> Now that she admitted everthing, and was now true and honest to me, she will love me again like before, she promised. But better if I try other girls first and lift both her and me from the burden of the sins she did and prove to myself that in the end she will still the one I'd chose, if i still love her.
> If I decide I want to give time for myself, cool everything down, try relationships with others again, she said she'd go with her friends and try to be happy too because she'd be crazy and lonely thinking about me, seing the house without me around. She promised that nothing sexual will happen again.
> I love her very much I cant stand the thought of living my life without her on my side. Living and raising our kids without her. It fcking destroys me. I am in pain. Although I pretend everythings ok when Im with her since she's now only just my "friend." She keeps saying she's sorry and beg for us to start again, with the conditions she said.
> Im devastated, help me what to do.


Read the bold that you wrote. Can't you understand that those are the words of a completely immoral woman. Her answer to your pain is what? Turn you into a hore like her. You have no idea who your wife really is, but you're finding out.


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## Shaggy

Folks OP was a drive by, possibly a troll.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nilokonyako

Shaggy said:


> Folks OP was a drive by, possibly a troll.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I only knew the site because I was looking in the internet possible answers to my questions. I have read that some of you here possibly experienced what I just recently gone through and could give me advice on things to do.

I know I'm a total idiot for being so gullible. I hope you understand that I've given blind faith because I have honestly loved my wife. And love makes you do stupid decisions.

Most of you say, and I appreciate this, and I too say this to myself, that I deserve someone better. And that although she won't be cheating for the moment, as some of you warned, it would definitely return. What she did was unforgivable by our societies standard. But still, there are comments here that her owning up is a good thing. This somehow gives me a .05% chance that there might still be hope. And just like the lottery, although you know you'd loose, you would still play anyway thinking you'd win. Some stories here caught their wives multiple times but still forgave them only to still be hurt in the end. That means they felt what I'm also feeling right now that there is still hope. Was there never a happy ending? *Are there not one or two stories of serial cheaters that changed*? If there are, what made them change?

As I told you already, I am now with the kid that I know is 100% mine. And with that space, I'm contemplating on my next steps. I try to sorround myself with positive energy and try to be happy even though the pain is killing me. I hope that some of you understands what Im going through and not just throw insults but not having gone through things like this themselves. It's not even seven days since all this started so I will still need plenty of time healing so I could make the right move.


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## CH

You're staying for the kid then and hoping for a wife in return.....

IMO, worst mistake you'll ever make.


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## bandit.45

> And just like the lottery, although you know you'd loose, you would still play anyway thinking you'd win.


In most lotteries you just lose the money you paid for the ticket. 

In this lottery, you will lose your soul.

Don't be a fool.


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## hisfac

Shaggy said:


> Troll. No man could actual be this stupid or wimpy.


That's not very nice. You don't know how difficult it is for some people to summon their inner strength and courage and leave a bad marriage such as this.


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## Kallan Pavithran

bandit.45 said:


> In most lotteries you just lose the money you paid for the ticket.
> 
> In this lottery, you will lose your soul.
> 
> Don't be a fool.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:



People here have nothing to do with what you are going through, because its your life and you are the only person to decide what you want in your life. 
We are advising you because we all had gone through your phase and made some terrible mistakes by R, so we don't want it to happen to another human being.

Your marriage is worst state when compared to many here, its not hospitalized, its in ICU and in a coma, some miracle should happen for you to get a happy married life again, we know you are also thinking of a miracle to happen, unfortunately miracles are veeeery rare, when its all about a serial cheating and lying wife.

Take your own time, but your marriage was built on lies and deceit. once a cheater and liar is always a cheater, if it was through out cheating then what is there to expect from her in future. I hope you know the answer well.

We should love our wife, who respect us, who loves us, who care for us, who is trustworthy and faithful, in your case none fit for you to love her.

stand up on your legs, Decide what you want in your life. you are the one to decide about your needs and life not your wife. Dont allow your wife to manipulate you.


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## nilokonyako

Been reeding this

Serial Cheating: cheaters want to give us insight? - Leftos


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## nilokonyako

What did you guys do to help yourselves recover, heal and move on after you found out about those things? Did you immediately cease from meeting with your wives?

There are times when I feel I should save the marriage, then there are times when I feel like I want to make people feel my hurt. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions.

Once again thanks, TAM has been a great help.


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## that_girl

Divorce yesterday!


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## Entropy3000

nilokonyako said:


> Been reeding this
> 
> Serial Cheating: cheaters want to give us insight? - Leftos


When it says Leftos Beta is it referring to a site for overly Beta guys? Or that it is the Beta version?

That said, why are you reading that garbage?


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## nilokonyako

I just wanted to see what happened from a cheater's POV. Nvm.

*Now here's the scenario.*

My wife has since admitted many things. Now as much as it pains me, and that I still have feelings for her, I have to end our marriage.

The problem is this: I talked to her parents about us having to separate and that their daughter will be living with them again. They are also just renting apartment and living through pension and don't have much. And because my in-laws have been nice to me during our marriage, I don't want them and my wife to be scandalized if I just kick her out of the house (we live in close proximity with them). My in-laws requested that I give them until 1st week of april so they could find a new and bigger place (and the money) to rent for them and my wife. My wife is also now for training next week for she is now going to work. *So now, I had to stay in the house for less than 2 months with her.* We have to put on a show so that nobody in the neigborhood would notice what's happening so that when we move out, we won't be the talk of the town. 

Although we don't fight as much, it still hurt like hell when I feel like she's not being honest with me. I know I should not expect anything from her now that we'd be separating anyway, I still feel that way. I tried the 180 but somehow, what I really feel still come out. She still does what's she's supposed to do as the mother of my kids and as wife. She still prepares my clothes, my meal for work, etc. We have the greatest sex since we were bf/gf without fail everyday. But It still feels depressing because I know that this is the end.

What do you guys think of our set-up? What better else could I have done?


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## CH

I didn't read through all the posts, but she has been tested for STDs before you keep on banging her?

If not, that's a bad game of Russian roulette you're playing with.


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## morituri

The problem with you having sex with her is that it is keeping you emotionally bonded to her. Let's face it, you did not marry her because you love banging her, you married her because you loved, trusted and respected her. If you continue having sex with her, you won't be able to move on without her.


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## hookares

They all are "sorry" once the gravy train stops visiting them and they no longer have a free ride or a roof over their heads.


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## Thorburn

Nilo, when I was in Iraq I had a soldier who came in for counseling. Man, he is just like you. Married and the first kid is not his, his wife cheated on him. Then he found out she is pregnant again and he is deployed with a combat unit. She informed him that she cheated again with another man and is pregnant. He said he loves his wife.

His wife walked all over him and up till I left our unit in July 2011 she was still walking all over him. I remember asking him around March 2011 how things were going with him and how he is dealing with two kids that aren't his. He says I am still in love.

Takes all kinds


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## Dexter Morgan

Thorburn said:


> Nilo, when I was in Iraq I had a soldier who came in for counseling. Man, he is just like you. Married and the first kid is not his, his wife cheated on him. Then he found out she is pregnant again and he is deployed with a combat unit. She informed him that she cheated again with another man and is pregnant. He said he loves his wife.
> 
> His wife walked all over him and up till I left our unit in July 2011 she was still walking all over him. I remember asking him around March 2011 how things were going with him and how he is dealing with two kids that aren't his. He says I am still in love.
> 
> Takes all kinds


Man, its too bad that if a spouse of one of our military men/women cheats, that there isn't a law that states the soldier can get a divorce and the cheating spouse leaves the marriage with ONLY what they brought to it.

Someone deployed shouldn't have to be thousands of miles away risking their life, dealing with some scumbag at home screwing around.


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## nilokonyako

So I should avoid having sex with her now? And the days to come before we move out?

Also, is there use in knowing the facts of her affairs at this stage? Should I still talk about what's the truth?


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## hookares

Dexter Morgan said:


> Man, its too bad that if a spouse of one of our military men/women cheats, that there isn't a law that states the soldier can get a divorce and the cheating spouse leaves the marriage with ONLY what they brought to it.
> 
> Someone deployed shouldn't have to be thousands of miles away risking their life, dealing with some scumbag at home screwing around.


Doesn't work that way. The idiots who have been feeding off the taxpayer and making all the rules will assume that there was some way that it was the guy's fault that she squirted out two other guy's kids and the only way he will ever get out of paying is if he comes back in a body bag.


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## Dexter Morgan

nilokonyako said:


> So I should avoid having sex with her now? And the days to come before we move out?


Avoid having sex with her?? How about avoid her for the rest of her life?



> Also, is there use in knowing the facts of her affairs at this stage? Should I still talk about what's the truth?


The only FACT you need to know is that the affairs DID happen. Details are irrelevant.


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## Initfortheduration

No need for more details. She's ruined, and no you shouldn't have sex with her. Her boundaries are virtually non existent, and her idea is for you to remove any boundaries in your life. Her idea is that you defile yourself in equal numbers to her. Ooops, I guess you will have to know the details of how many so you can be exact in how many skanks you lay (of course I am being fecitious). You do understand what she is suggesting right? Then of course you have to find out if she had any threeways with girls. Which then of course would require you to have sex with a guy(s). You have one "sick in the head" wife. You need to get away from this woman. You need to keep the kids away from this woman and the men she will fill their lives with. And my last question. Just how could you be friends with someone like this when they are about to put your children through hell?


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## Enginerd

nilokonyako said:


> I just wanted to see what happened from a cheater's POV. Nvm.
> 
> *Now here's the scenario.*
> 
> My wife has since admitted many things. Now as much as it pains me, and that I still have feelings for her, I have to end our marriage.
> 
> The problem is this: I talked to her parents about us having to separate and that their daughter will be living with them again. They are also just renting apartment and living through pension and don't have much. And because my in-laws have been nice to me during our marriage, I don't want them and my wife to be scandalized if I just kick her out of the house (we live in close proximity with them). My in-laws requested that I give them until 1st week of april so they could find a new and bigger place (and the money) to rent for them and my wife. My wife is also now for training next week for she is now going to work. *So now, I had to stay in the house for less than 2 months with her.* We have to put on a show so that nobody in the neigborhood would notice what's happening so that when we move out, we won't be the talk of the town.
> 
> Although we don't fight as much, it still hurt like hell when I feel like she's not being honest with me. I know I should not expect anything from her now that we'd be separating anyway, I still feel that way. I tried the 180 but somehow, what I really feel still come out. She still does what's she's supposed to do as the mother of my kids and as wife. She still prepares my clothes, my meal for work, etc. We have the greatest sex since we were bf/gf without fail everyday. But It still feels depressing because I know that this is the end.
> 
> What do you guys think of our set-up? What better else could I have done?



A serial cheater like your wife will never change as long as she is attractive. She has no morals. She's broken and you can't fix her. She allows anyone around to enter her body with no regard for the consequences. How many times did you have sex with her right after she slept with someone else? She is a liar, a cheat and a user. Take care of your kids and kick her to the curb ASAP. What on earth do you love about her? I understand that you may be attracted to her sexually but love??? If you are a real person and this is a real problem you must be suffering from a total lack of self esteem and need to get some IC.


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## CH

nilokonyako said:


> So I should avoid having sex with her now? And the days to come before we move out?
> 
> Also, is there use in knowing the facts of her affairs at this stage? Should I still talk about what's the truth?


No sex and if it's already headed for divorce, no need to even engage her anymore about what the truth is or not. Not your concern anymore at this point.


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## Trojan John

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AE86freak

Has your wife told you what she was thinking during the time when she was doing the most cheating (other than the BS that you wasn't spending enough time with her and she got bored)?


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## nilokonyako

Enginerd said:


> What on earth do you love about her? I understand that you may be attracted to her sexually but love??? If you are a real person and this is a real problem you must be suffering from a total lack of self esteem and need to get some IC.


I really don't know the answer to that. I just do.

What's breaking me apart now is my eldest's plea for us to be together again. She doesn't know why suddenly me and mom are just friends only and asks me why we cant be husband and wife anymore. You know what guys, for my kid, I'm willing to swallow my pride and stay together. 

But I can't. I picture the future that even though my wife eventually tries to change, I'd still be haunted by the thoughts of those things I learned which will result in more fighting.

I just came to the realization that my wife is indeed damaged. From her childhood experiences and her past realtionships. She doesn't even know the gravity of the things she did. She only know that she hurted my feelings and is sorry. She's just like a kid.

This brings me to thinking what will happen to her if I just let her go. I cant help but be still be concerned. Is that wrong?


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## hisfac

nilokonyako said:


> What's breaking me apart now is my eldest's plea for us to be together again. She doesn't know why suddenly me and mom are just friends only and asks me why we cant be husband and wife anymore. You know what guys, for my kid, I'm willing to swallow my pride and stay together.


Considering what you've put up with so far, I'm going to say that your eldest daughter's plea is just another excuse for you to put off the inevitable. Nothing more.

Newsflash: Children always want their parents to stay together, they're concerned for their own needs and have their own insecurities and worry their lives will be ruined if mom and dad divorce. They're not concerned about the damage being done to you by your perpetually cheating spouse who doesn't care about you at all.

Your children will be fine post divorce if you handle things in a civil and mature manner and keep the kids out of it as much as possible.

Enough with this "I was just about to divorce her but now my eldest doesn't want me to do that", it's just BS and you know it. 

Get it done.


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## CH

nilokonyako said:


> This brings me to thinking what will happen to her if I just let her go. I cant help but be still be concerned. Is that wrong?


Not your problem anymore. She's the mother of your child and that's about it. She used to be your wife and I use that term loosely.

Hopefully she'll get her act together and live a good and happy life. But if she ends up in the gutter and you have to walk right by her without even looking at her then so be it. It might be sad and you might wonder how, but not your problem. You have you and your kids to worry about now.

Or you can bite the bullet and live a life of her cheating on you and you forgiving her each time just for the kids.


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## Kallan Pavithran

nilokonyako said:


> I really don't know the answer to that. I just do.
> 
> What's breaking me apart now is my eldest's plea for us to be together again. *Try to find out more convincing reason for not divorcing her*. She doesn't know why suddenly me and mom are just friends only and asks me why we cant be husband and wife anymore. You know what guys, for my kid, I'm willing to swallow my pride and stay together. You ultimately will do this, and live with your wife with pain and heartache for rest of the life.
> 
> But I can't. I picture the future that even though my wife eventually tries to change, *Yes she is trying to change because she realizes that she is going to loos her meal ticket and security of her family to fu*k around* I'd still be haunted by the thoughts of those things I learned which will result in more fighting.
> 
> I just came to the realization that my wife is indeed damaged. From her childhood experiences and her past realtionships. She doesn't even know the gravity of the things she did. She only know that she hurted my feelings and is sorry. She's just like a kid.
> *but this kid know how to stray on the back of her husband and put his health and life at risk.*
> This brings me to thinking what will happen to her if I just let her go. *Its not your concern she should have thought about it earlier when shedecided to stray*. I cant help but be still be concerned. Is that wrong?


Stop finding excuses for Not divorcing her.
If you want her, if you dont mind what she did to you then go and ask an apology to her for hurting her by your question and not trusting her, live peacefully with her hoping she wont stray.


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## Humble Pie

Nilo-- what do you want, and what are you willing to take? 

If you can accept your wife for who she is, want to keep the family intact w/ kids, and willing to take her actions from her infidelity in past and possible future, begin the R process now. If you feel like you can't forgive, understand, and accept your wife for who she is (as hard as it might be) you must let go and begin the mental seperation process now.

That is the only question, problem is that question takes time to process.


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## nilokonyako

Yes. It's been just 3 weeks since Dday and my emotions are so unstable. I am hurting then hating then I want to save the relationship then I want to separate then I miss her then I hate her again.

If only I could make all this go in an instant.


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## nilokonyako

hisfac said:


> Considering what you've put up with so far, I'm going to say that your eldest daughter's plea is just another excuse for you to put off the inevitable. Nothing more.
> 
> Newsflash: Children always want their parents to stay together, they're concerned for their own needs and have their own insecurities and worry their lives will be ruined if mom and dad divorce. They're not concerned about the damage being done to you by your perpetually cheating spouse who doesn't care about you at all.
> 
> Your children will be fine post divorce if you handle things in a civil and mature manner and keep the kids out of it as much as possible.
> 
> Enough with this "I was just about to divorce her but now my eldest doesn't want me to do that", it's just BS and you know it.
> 
> Get it done.


She's only 6.


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## nilokonyako

Humble Pie said:


> Nilo-- what do you want, and what are you willing to take?
> 
> If you can accept your wife for who she is, want to keep the family intact w/ kids, and willing to take her actions from her infidelity in past and possible future, begin the R process now. If you feel like you can't forgive, understand, and accept your wife for who she is (as hard as it might be) you must let go and begin the mental seperation process now.
> 
> That is the only question, problem is that question takes time to process.


So correct. Thanks.


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## hisfac

nilokonyako said:


> She's only 6.


A 6 year old doesn't know what's best for her, only that she wants everything to be ok and for mommy and daddy to always be together so she can feel safe and secure.

It doesn't compute that mommy totally [email protected]#$ed daddy over and that daddy cannot live like this indefinitely and that life is different but not necessarily worse after divorce.


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## Romeo_Holden

She has issues beyond your control. Leaving is the best thing to do because she isn't going to stop unless she is made to deal with the consequences of her actions, also staying with her would mean dealing with the mental images of her escapedes forever while surviving day to day it would only lead to an early death for you and it wouldn't be fair to you,your wife or your child. You have to do what's right in spite of your fear. Eventually you will be okay and glad you did it.


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## nilokonyako

Romeo_Holden said:


> She has issues beyond your control. Leaving is the best thing to do because she isn't going to stop unless she is made to deal with the consequences of her actions, also staying with her would mean dealing with the mental images of her escapedes forever while surviving day to day it would only lead to an early death for you and it wouldn't be fair to you,your wife or your child. You have to do what's right in spite of your fear. Eventually you will be okay and glad you did it.


Thank you very much.

I think I'm having trouble accepting the fact that the almost 7 years of our marriage is going down the drain. That the plans I have for the family now will all be trashed. And this love I'm feeling for her now will not be returned. I am so devastated. I have never experienced such pain. It's so hard letting go.

Although she did those things, I don't want any harm to come to her. I want to hear that she's settled with someone who REALLY loves her and not just go with random dudes who pretend to care then treat her like a fvcktoy. She was the love of my life once anyway. I know she's got issues and I think she needs help very much and the thought of leaving her like in this state feels wrong.


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## Entropy3000

What is worse than letting seven years go?

Living in this for another year and then letting eight years go.


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## nilokonyako

the guy said:


> I think it says alot, it was a big risk she took in owning up. I suggest you keep an eye on her and if her action and change in life style dictated that she is willing to learn healthier behaviors and understanding what she did and how to prevent it then there is a faith that one can have that infidelity can be overcome.
> 
> Trust through validation is the path you can take to work this out, but some may argue that becoming a mamber of the cheater police is not worth it.
> 
> It sound like you now know exactly what you are going to forgive her for with her confession so thats a start. The big trick is forgiving her and that she gets the help that will prevent her from doing this unhealthy behavior again.


they guy, I've read your other threads and OMG i think i screwed-up all this time. I TOO HAVE TREATED MY WIFE ONLY AS A BOOTY CALL AND SHE MAY HAVE ACTED ACCORDINGLY.

She was very submissive on the first year of our marriage. She easily gets jealous when other women talk to me or I do the same. I didn't listen to her when she talks. God, i think i pushed her to do those things. She easily gives in to my requests (even when we were just courting) and asks me after if this is only (sex) what I want from her to which I reply no when I was partly lying. And I get cold to her when she doesn't.

Up to now, after I learned what she did and want to separate, I still fvck her without fail. Was that all I wanted from her? She may have felt that way all this years. I really have disrespected her by doing that. I never treated her as a person, as a wife. I only get nice when I want action. I go to work, fvck her in the evening without asking how's her day, then sleep.

I've never seen the situation from this angle. All I've seen is what she did and never what I did.

The guy, it's been almost a month since DDay and your threads had somehow shown me things I NEVER saw before. I'm still seeing new things about our relationship as days go by and that's good.

But I don't know what I'd do now.


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## morituri

nilokonyako said:


> Although she did those things, I don't want any harm to come to her.* I want to hear that she's settled with someone who REALLY loves* her and not just go with random dudes who pretend to care then treat her like a fvcktoy. She was the love of my life once anyway. I know she's got issues and I think she needs help very much and the thought of leaving her like in this state feels wrong.


That is going to be near impossible unless she seeks help from a professional therapist to conquer her self-destructive tendencies that have lead her to destroy her marriage and family.


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## nilokonyako

I wonder where you guys get your strength overcoming your feelings. When I'm at our house, I try and pretend that It's over and I've no more feelings for her, then all of a sudden, BAM, I'm needing again. Which brings us back to square one.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

nilokonyako said:


> Thank you very much.
> 
> I think I'm having trouble accepting the fact that the almost 7 years of our marriage is going down the drain. That the plans I have for the family now will all be trashed. And this love I'm feeling for her now will not be returned. I am so devastated. I have never experienced such pain. It's so hard letting go.
> 
> Although she did those things, I don't want any harm to come to her. I want to hear that she's settled with someone who REALLY loves her and not just go with random dudes who pretend to care then treat her like a fvcktoy. She was the love of my life once anyway. I know she's got issues and I think she needs help very much and the thought of leaving her like in this state feels wrong.


Be grateful it's only 7 years, many of us here had 20-30 years in before this happened to us...


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## Stryker

Lone Star said:


> I read your story but I saw no real remorse from your wife. She laid all this on you and then acts like she can stop all of it anytime she wants. What a crock of crap! I know that you love her but she is not good for you. She clearly has a problem. She has disrespected you and your children. You need to break contact with her for now, get yourself tested for STD's and DNA on your children. I know that having DNA test on children probably breaks your heart but if you don't do it you will always wonder, no matter how much you love them. I'm really sorry you are going through this but you need to be free of your wife for now to absorb all that has happened.


---Ditto


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