# Are we right on development schedule?



## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I have been having some trouble with my 12 yo daughter lately and her only thinking of herself. When we walk out of a door, she knows there are five other people walking out that door behind her, but does she hold that door, or even think about it? NO 

When I ask her to do a chore, or ask her when she's going to do it, it's always... later. Well, that later never comes. And the chore doesn't get done. 

Today I asked her to boil eggs so we could paint them tonight. I have a big exam I am studying for, and really didn't think this was that big of a deal. I helped her put them in the pot, gave her the timer and told her when they start to boil that they need to boil for 12 minutes. She was playing Wii. I came down an hour later and they were still boiling. WTF? How do you not even smell the egg smell wafting throughout the house? She had moved from the Wii to the computer. I just don't get it. Why is it that when I ask her to do something that it can't get done? How do I punnish this and deal with it? I am pretty irate right now. She's crying, and I barely said anything to her. I guess she's upset b/c she forgot. I did calmly tell her that she can forget about any computer or game system for quite a while. 

When do they grow out of this stage?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

For our boys we use/used computer and PS3 time as motivators. If they get poor grades or didn’t do chores we would ground them from both for an appropriate amount of time. We also allowed them to earn time back quicker with better grades or extra chores. When assigning chores to our youngest (ADHD) we make sure he repeats all the instructions back us when we give him a chore.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

With my 11 year old its she "kind of" does her chores. She misses dishes that she should wash or things she should pick up out of the floor "she just doesn't see them" is her reasoning. I think its the age. They are in the its all about ME and what I want. Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out. We've taken away the TV in her room until she can show us that she can do the 3 chores she has without being asked and without us having to go behind her...we are on week 3 and still counting. Sigh


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

I have a 15 yo and does the same thing. One day I she asked me to cook and special food that she likes, I told her that becuae I was doing something else she was going to have to help me, well I put everything on the stove, told her what to do and when, she did everything but lower the flame on the rice, and got burned. She was like well make some more, I told her NO, we will eat burned rice, she did not like it. When her DAD asked what happen to the rice, she told him that she burn it and I refuse to remake it, he looked at her and said well we asked something from you and you did do it learn your leasson for next time, her sister tease her for days on end, until she said, OK I know I will be more careful as to not get yuour wrath anymore. When the next time I asked her to help, she was very good, so not to eat burn food, since she knew I would not trow it away. 

I think you have to seat down with her be though and tell her, that if she does not help you more then she will not be able to do ?? Take away what she likes, computer, games, cell phone, etc. A few years back, we took the cell phone away from my teenager once for doing something wrong, and she was upset for 2 days, since the phone is her alarm for school, and because we took away she woke up late 1 day and missed the bus, and could not sleep the next so she would not missed the bus again, she has make sure to stay on the good side of us not do anything to rash so not to loose her cell phone priviledges. Try to make the punishment something they will really feel and stick to your guns.

As for them saying later and not doing it, I think all teenagers have learn that NO will get us mad, so they go for later whcih means the same thing to them. Have to keep bugging them to do it. 

Bella


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I kept my cool about this whole thing, for the most part. I told her that from now on she must ask permission from me or her father to watch TV, computer, play Wii, Gameboy (DS, or whatever cool name it has now), use the phone, etc. That really seemed to hit her where it hurt, I saw the pain in her face. She has always been a good kid, so I haven't had to use too many punnishments and groundings, so I think that really got her attention. Sometimes the fear of the mother's wrath is enough! 

Tonight after we painted the easter eggs that were fine, she asked me if it was ok if she watched TV. I asked her if there was anything that she could get done yet. She filled the animal's water bowl. I asked her dad if there was anything he thought she needed yet, then told her it was ok. 

I wonder if it's the age or the stress of school on me that makes me notice how lackadaisical she's become. Thanks guys! =)


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

bhappy3 said:


> I wonder if it's the age or the stress of school on me that makes me notice how lackadaisical she's become. Thanks guys! =)


Parenting is a constant vigil, good for you. :smthumbup:


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## l0v3elc (Apr 14, 2009)

I am 18 so I just recently got out of the house... Grounding doesn't help much. My mother used to ground me from my room and to the house when she realized how much I didn't mind staying in my room all day and reading. Taking away things doesn't really help either. Trust me. I know. It just made me upset and I would boycott the chores until finally the parent gave up. At that age it is a power struggle. She is testing her limits. What you have to do is simply ignore her and use the golden rule backwards. When she asks you to do something you say sure and then don't do it. When she asks you about it later you just give her the same lines she gives you. It may take a bit but she will get it and try to improve on her end in hope that you will go back to the way it used to be. It may sound like a strange method but it works. I know from personal experience (only 5 years ago). Hope this helps! :smthumbup:


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I have recently switch from, Constantly asking my kids (three of them) to do something. I told them today, I will tell you once to do it, if you don't the second time I am slapping you upside the head (softly people) My youngest son deceded to try out my theory. Threw his socks on the floor and did not pick them up, I asked him to pick them up...he didn't I waited about 15 min. I calmly walked up to him and said, put your socks in the laundry, (smack) "dad, what did you do that for?" " i told you my new olicy, do we ahve any other takers?" " a collective NO!" came across the room, I told them I am sick and tired of telling them to do things, I will tell them once, then that is it. I am sure it will be a short lived thing, I am a pretty mellow person so I really can't see myself running the house with a iron fist, but I just want them to do their chores and pick up after themselves, is that to much?

For a 12 year old, you may have to take away the cell phone, the PC, TV time, time out with friends. Etc. There are ways to get them mad.

I always tell my boys, someday you may be bigger and stronger then me, but I will always be able to kick your butt, it's called wisdom. LOL


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

l0v3elc said:


> I am 18 so I just recently got out of the house... Grounding doesn't help much. My mother used to ground me from my room and to the house when she realized how much I didn't mind staying in my room all day and reading. Taking away things doesn't really help either. Trust me. I know. It just made me upset and I would boycott the chores until finally the parent gave up. At that age it is a power struggle. She is testing her limits. What you have to do is simply ignore her and use the golden rule backwards. When she asks you to do something you say sure and then don't do it. When she asks you about it later you just give her the same lines she gives you. It may take a bit but she will get it and try to improve on her end in hope that you will go back to the way it used to be. It may sound like a strange method but it works. I know from personal experience (only 5 years ago). Hope this helps! :smthumbup:


I don't think you would have had to tell us you're so young... your post indicates it clearly. The problem with your parents is that they gave in to you. You knew you had the power and thus you threw a fit til they gave in. That's not how parenting should work. By telling her I will do something and not do it... that sets a horrible example for her... let's her know it's alright to do that. It's not. Thanks for your time. I doubt you'll find many parents on this site who will agree with your method. =)


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

My Husband gets mad at me and says "Im not a follow thru parent" hollow threats he says I .. makes things worse. I tell & yell & get so upset I end up doing whatever chore was to be done myself on most days .. setting horrible example I know .. But I just get tired of waiting for it to get done... 

My child is older 17 currently & attitude & disrespect for me I assume is normal for teenagers.. But some would say my son crosses the line of the normal exspected teen behaviour with disrespect & the Only time he does his chore Immedietly is when its time to go with friends & he knows Ill scream pressure him in front of them to do his chore before his friday teen scene ..

But it makes me ill that he waits til last minute and does it when he will benefit from doing it .. I will tell him all day & friday nite 10 minutes before its time to leave with friends he rushes thru them and even has his friends help do the majority of the work. this behaviour began around 12 & 13 the In a minute later Im busy etc " If you need it done so bad right now do it yourself" etc excuses & is still going on today ... You can take away items.. I have but its same fight each time getting no where positive.. if theres a reward in it for him ( like weekend time) hes all over it.. if its a daily chore (Mon-Thurs) with no benefit coming its Put off til reward time so to speak .. so I guess I just realised "Im not the best person to be replying this thread with any helpful advice" lol although I hope to read a miracle cure in someone elses post to use myself... cuz I aint figured out the right tatic yet


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

I think it all start at the young age, I have my looks down to the T, they know how much to push me, until I give them a look and the go running. With their DAD thye try, keep in mind we have never, ever, bitten our kids, with anything more than a hand slap, punishment and groundings work the best for us, but when Dad has had it with their later, or OK and do not do it, he goes and pull the bell out, you will see them scrambling as to not make him any madder than what he is, because they believe that he would follow thru, LOL, he would not kill a fly. But is the matter of perspective.

Lavender, I am like you, I yell get mad, scream some more, but at the end, they know that when I trow the look and follow with a treat I will go through with it no matter what. my girls have learn that when I ground or take stuff away is for real. But when the kids get as old as yours it is very hard to break the habit. Just watch for him trying to abuse you verbally and/or physically, some kids do that.

Good Luck


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Lavender...

If he won't do chores during the week...why not take away weekend privleges then? For example....your chores have to be done each day, Monday thru Friday. If they are not, you do not get to go out Friday night. I guess I'm a little tougher. In my book, if he didn't do what he was supposed to do all week long, then he doesn't get the end of the week reward.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

Hi.. I used to be able to sucessfully do that & stick to it.. But the age of 16 BROUGHT ABOUT so much negative & Not just my son at home Now also his siblings ( who are already moved out & parents themselves) All of my Kids in there teen years changed to Grrrrr Umm Uncontrollable Rebels..

currently I am dealing with a 17 year OLD who barks back .. when hes threatened .. He will continue to walk off in my face and proceed on his way even when hes told he cant.. 

If I threatened to beat his A** as a Last resort and he repeats as his siblings did.. " go ahead & "Ill call the law for its abuse to touch me" just constant drama or trying to avoid it is current atmosphere ...


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