# Am the single girl - lied to, used by a married man and then dumped



## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

OK deleting the post

This is a PRO-marriage forum. No place for hurt-but-moving-on Singletons here maybe


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

Your advice please oh wise married ones!


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## 827Aug

I honestly think you need to leave the man and his wife alone. The man told you he was "separated"--Not DIVORCED. You have already notified his wife. Anything further would be vindictive and serve no further purpose. Move on and find someone who really is available. Count your blessings that you found out what a lying scumbag this man is in the early stages.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

At the very least because of his position, you should contact an attorney, get things put down in writing and have the attorney send him a discrete (but documented) letter requesting no contact. Make sure it is signed for personally by this guy.

Then resume your life and put him out of your mind.

It's called damage control.
Yes, it's an expense, but the next time this guys does this, your name might come up. And if that does happen, you want to be prepared and documented as being way far decisively so out of the loop and scott free and squeaky clean having maturely distanced yourself from this so very attractive train wreck.


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

*yes, he is the Consul...*

!


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

better private


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## Mrs.G

I would have told him to call me when he was divorced. Separated couples get back together all the time.

Did you call his wife to be helpful or did you call to be vindictive? 
He likely wasn't expecting you to do so, hence the reason for the angry response.

When I was single, many married men tried to come on to me. They used the well known lines: "My wife and I don't have sex. We are only together because of the kids." I politely told them to go work on their marriages. I NEVER called their wives because that would be spiteful. 

When I look at your poll, it seems that you are bitter and hell bent on revenge. Leave the man and his family alone and chalk this up to experience. He has clearly asked you not to contact them, so any more actions could be looked at as harassment. I feel for you mama, but you will have to find a way to deal with your feelings alone.


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## WhiteRabbit

You obviously have not moved on if you're on a website fuming about the fact that you were the OW and now you're p*ssed because he put you in your place and stayed with his wife. He told you, the two of you didn't happen and you are not to contact him. Sorry if that makes you feel like the partyfavor/f**kdoll that you were to him but sounds to me like what's done is done. Stop looking for revenge and get over it. He's scum and his wife obviously is ok with that if she stays so why is it your problem or business to take him down singlehanded?? It isnt your problem anymore...time to go out and find a man who is actually DIVORCED or never married...latch yourself onto him and live happily. 

Seriously, the mentality of these single girl mistresses just kills me sometimes. He used you.He didn't love you.Get over it and chalk it up to a learning experience. You're only the dirtball that he's treating you like if you don't learn something from this. Otherwise you're just a girl who got caught in a bunch of lies.

**edit...realized i'm letting my crisis this morning taint my response to you... reading ClipClop's response made me see that. So while what you did with calling his wife for revenge was wrong, you did it because you were hurt. I hope you can heal from this and realize that not all men will do what this idiot did. I am also sorry that you got hurt.***


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## ClipClop

Separated men have the right to return to their wives. I'm sorry you were hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rider03

How old are you? You said he was 55. Just curious.


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## Jellybeans

Single... my advice is to move on. 
Block his # so he can't initiate any contact with you wahtsoever and stay far away from him.
In the future, when a man says he's separated, don't date him. Separated is still married. 
You said he has 3 other lovers outside of his marriage and there was also you, therefore you should not be surprised at his ways.
Moving forward, only stick to single guys.

I didn't vote on your poll cause I don't agree with any of those options. You already told his wife so you exposed his cheating. If I were to vote, I'd vote for an option that says "Move on and never speak to that fool again."


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## unbelievable

"separated", by definition, means "married". From jump street, you knew he was cheating on at least one person (his wife). If you want the loyalty of a one-woman man, I suggest you start with an unattached one.


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## magnoliagal

Just let it go. Separated means still married. I'm sorry you got dumped but messing with married men rarely ends well.


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

*Wow - some pretty judgemental posts just in!*

chilling out


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

Oh - about the poll. Ignore it - maybe I can delete it. I created it after the initial stunner shock! Bastard and his sham marriage are soooo not worth it


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

@WhiteRabbit - for the record, I am no single girl mistress. Do not judge an internet poster: I have never been a 'mistress' and tell married men to F*** O** all the time.


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## Jellybeans

You said he told you he was separated. Separated is NOT single.


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## WhiteRabbit

Jellybeans said:


> You said he told you he was separated. Separated is NOT single.


Thank you.

If you think you weren't a mistress you are sadly mistaken or in a deep pit of denial.

And I don't need to "chill"...I wasn't the one coming on a website for married people asking how to ruin the life of a man and his family just bc he dumped me.


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## Jellybeans

Your thread title is: 

_Am the single girl - lied to,* used by a married ma*n and then dumped_



SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> @WhiteRabbit - for the record, I am no single girl mistress. Do not judge an internet poster: I have never been a 'mistress'


Actually, you were a married man's mistress. 



SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> He presented himself to me as SINGLE


No he didn't. He told you straight up he was separated. 

And this: 



SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> I then ask HIM. *His exact reply: " I'm separated*"


Doesn't match this:



SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> * had no idea that he was a "separated in his mind only" kind of fella*)


Or this: 



SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> i.e. he presented himself to me as single and available.


And this:



SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> and were seen as a couple BEFORE I KNEW HE WAS STAYING MARRIED.


..."Staying married" means "already married" hence, NOT single.

Again, Single... nobody here is hating on you but in the future, stick to SINGLE men. Affairs always create a mess. As you clearly learned.

Move on with your life. He's not worth your time.


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

as above


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## Jellybeans

SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> Ok, ok
> 
> I think men in their 50s ( well, based on this one anyway) present themselves as being totally , completely, unconditionally available for a relationship.* I do get that my mistake was in seeing him as a SINGLE & Available *fellow:
> 
> for the record, in futire, IF and big big if I ever allow myself to trust a man again, I will cross check with as many circles as I possibly can about *his true marital status*.
> 
> *I believed this man. My mistake. *


I think the problem was you wanted to believe what YOU wanted, not the truth. Cause you have to admit--he did tell you from the get-go he was still married ( "separated" ). So in the future, when talking to someone if they don't say they are fully single, then they are not available. And if they say they are single and you find out it's a lie, end it right there.

In this case, *you wanted him to be what you wanted him to be *which was single and available.

I get that your feelings got hurt and you feel you got played but he was a player--a married player. And you went along with it. In the future, respect yourself enough to not get involved with someone who already is in a relationship. When you play a part of a betrayal, you end degrading yourself, as well as the other person and their spouse. 

Never speak to that d*uchebag again.


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

((( technical question time)))

How do I delete the silly poll, please?? Searching for the Poll options...cannot find any Poll Control options...


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## WhiteRabbit

I agree with JB...

I also think you deserve better than what you got from him. There ARE good guys out there, just wait and see. You'll get lucky and find someone to treat you like a queen and this a$$hole will be just a distant memory.


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

as above


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

@ WhiteRabbit 


   I So agree with you. I know for sure that I deserve better.


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

I must apologise for the ghastly typos.


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## Jellybeans

SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> ((( technical question time)))
> 
> How do I delete the silly poll, please?? Searching for the Poll options...cannot find any Poll Control options...


Eh, I'm not well-versed in polling. Try to go to the poll and click "Edit" and see what happens.



WhiteRabbit said:


> You'll get lucky and find someone to treat you like a queen _and this a$$hole will be just a distant memory_.


I know it wasn't meant to be funny but that made me :rofl:



SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> I came here looking for Waht Do I Do Next, not to wallow...being at the receiving end of such a vicious phone call really got me


What you do next is move on! No contact with him! Stay away from places he's at. Block his #. If he tries to reach out to you, DO NOT RESPOND. AT ALL. If he continues, tell him to F off and to go F his wife! Then never speak to him again. LOL. 

Get tested for STDs. Cause you said he had a little harem of women on the side. You can never be sure w/o checking to see if you got something. 

And stay away from married men. You will find that most cheaters are very cahrming. In the future, don't get swept up by charm. See the person you're contemplating a relationship for who he really is and his actions, not pretty words.


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## fish

SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> I came here looking for Waht Do I Do Next, not to wallow...being at the receiving end of such a vicious phone call really got me


I'm no psychiatrist, but you seem to have some serious issues. I would strongly suggest counseling. 

Others have suggested moving on, looking forward and learning from your mistakes, but I get the sense that you won't/can't. 

You are angry--rightfully so--but your vindictive and bitter attitude and wallowing are clear signs that you need professional help.


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## Amplexor

SingleuedByMarriedManThen said:


> Ok, ok
> 
> I think men in their 50s ( well, based on this one anyway) present themselves as being totally , completely, unconditionally available for a relationship. Now - moving on!!!!


One bad egg..... Man in his fifties here. No there was no interest in looking for a younger woman to act as my [email protected]# buddy when I hit the Five-OH. I don't know of any of my peers who did ether. That's a stereotype about the "midlife crisis". But then again, I did trade my sedan in on a sports car. Hmmm

Take the advice here, he's a loser, move on.


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

*If you're a married man and feel threatened by her vibrator...*



fish said:


> I'm no psychiatrist, but you seem to have some serious issues. I would strongly suggest counseling.
> 
> Others have suggested moving on, looking forward and learning from your mistakes, but I get the sense that you won't/can't.
> 
> You are angry--rightfully so--but your vindictive and bitter attitude and wallowing are clear signs that you need professional help.


@fish:

Dude. a) You sound exactly like a couple of sad losers my girlfriends and I laugh about...the 'You need psychiatric help' douches who find it impossible to figure out their own faults

b) if you know enough about women and vibrators, trust me you would not feel threatened/puzzled/de-masculinised. The best men we know learn how to incorporate toys and vibes into their relationships - with great success may I add!!!

c) I have received the advice I need from one of the members of this forum, so the initial post-telephone call stunned effect had gone; I'm in damage control mode now as this ********* has a (AHHAH) public image to protect - not mine

There are other forums where vibrators and human seuality are discussed with great honesty - you will find help there. Use your wife's pleasure to improve your marriage - it can and does happen


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

Thank you, to everyone who has responded in some way or the other. 

It's a new day and time to get on with new ...chores! &^%$£"(*&)"£! 



May I repeat:
I have received the advice I need from one of the members of this forum. This member has relevant knowledge in this scenario (I need to protect my ass).

So am in the " OK, Next guy - SINGLE guy - line up, please" mode   
So ... the initial post-telephone call stunned effect had gone; I'm in damage control mode now as this ********* has a (HAH) public image to protect - not mine

God luck with each of you and your respective relationships  

x


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

@ voivod

bitter much?


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## broken1

Well... although i was going to try putting a little... nicer... than Voivod, have to agree with him. The fact is, you got involved with a married man. What did you think was going to happen? You'd live happily ever after and he would be loyal to you? C'mon! You feel like an idiot right now. Like you got played or something. You did. Own it and move on. You had no right to be assisting in the wreckage of someones marriage. Did you think his wife was going to thank you for calling? Leave their struggling family alone!


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## SingleuedByMarriedManThen

*Old story now. Moved On. Please release me, let me goooo*

logging off - got work to do! And better stuff to do rather than be made to hang on to this thread:

I GOT the advice I was looking for ( from others as well as offline and in private). So this thread is now actually a non-issue for me as of several hours ago.

*Many of you here are pro-marriage *as this is a pro-marriage website - d'uh. 

I've moved on - and have stuff to take care of. So - stuff your sad 'You're a homewrecker' pointy fingers up yourselves - _and deal with your own marriage issues without blaming me - ffs_


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## broken1

LOL!! Yeah... sorry to say but you probably came to the wrong place for advice on this issue.

Hope it all works out for you. GL


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