# Am i doing something wrong?



## Bkyn99 (Aug 31, 2021)

Lately, I feel like my husband gets mad at me over the silliest things. And I mean really mad, like ends up starting a big fight because I'm defensive and protective of my feelings and don't like being spoken to in a disrespectful manner for no reason. 
Most recently, we bought a home. On day of closing, I took the day off from work so we can get some things done after getting the keys. I said I was going to the store with our son and even asked him if it was okay. He said yes. I get home 2 hours later and he's in a crabby mood. He barely spoke to me or looked at me the rest of the day. So, after 2 or 3 times asking him what was wrong, I ask again. And he goes off. Saying he was upset that I went to the store. That he wanted me to stay home so we could relax the rest of the day. Go back to what I mentioned before.. I asked him if it was okay if I went. I tend to ask him often if I can go to the store and every time he gets mad that I ask him. "Do you have to ask for my permission to do something?" Well, after his little temper tantrum, I guess I do. 
It really hurt me. A day of joy and excitement turned to tears and anger. It doesn't just start there ... we engage in sex multiple times per week, barely miss a day. I often flirt with my husband because I'm very attracted to him, but if we don't have sex one night, he will be a complete jerk to me the entire next day and when I finally get him to tell me what's wrong, he says that I teased him all day and didn't put out.
I love my husband. He has a lot of great qualities, but it's things like this that make me question things and if I'm in the wrong. I don't feel like I am but he always expects an apology from me like it was all my fault. Please help me understand.


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## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

Bkyn99 said:


> I don't feel like I am but he always expects an apology from me like it was all my fault. Please help me understand.


You married a child?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Your husband needs to figure out how to communicate like an adult. It isn’t your job to do mental gymnastics to figure out the underlying issue on a daily basis.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'd probably start with telling my husband to use his words, like the big boy he pretends to be. 

But, I'm also pretty low tolerance for immature asshattery from people who can't communicate like grown folks. I'm a good woman, but I'm not clairvoyant and I'm not into anyone I have to mommy. I won't stay in a relationship with anyone who refuses to communicate like an adult or who throws tantrums like a toddler. 

Would your husband be willing to go to marriage counseling with you? If he's not, I would suggest going by yourself. Learn about healthy relationships, healthy boundaries and how to maintain them, and healthy communication. Eventually, something will happen. You'll learn to manage your husband successfully, he'll notice changes in you and get on board with improving himself, or you'll figure out that you'd be better off without him.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Sounds like a Debby Downer, sooking if he doesn’t get his way all the time. Except he likes changing the rules. So even he doesn’t know what he wants. Gah! Sounds very difficult. Did he always have a negative disposition?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I have to admit that my ex was about like you and gave me plenty of sex when we were married. (Every night basically). If she was tired or not in the mood and said no, I would throw a temper tantrum just like yours did.

later in life, after I divorced, I date a woman younger than me and she was ravenous. I remember waking up in the morning, and spraying she didn’t wake up and want sex because I just wasn’t wanting it that soon after two night before. I remembered then (only then) how my ex must have felt and how terrible it must have made her feel. I’m lucky she kept giving me good sex. Probably only because she wanted it too.

my advice is to throw your own tantrum and leave for a while when he acts like a child and throws temper tantrums. If you accept this, you will only train him in thinking this is acceptable behavior and it will escalate.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Stop chasing him around like he's a puppy dog. You treat him like a child he's going to act like one.

Well he might act like one anyway but asking him permission and being worried about how he feels all the time is just making things worse.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Stop trying to appease him. Just stop!
You walk on eggshells around him. Stop this too!
When he next starts with his bs tell him to grow up and just walk away from him.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

You could try humor. Sometimes I think my husband is reacting in some unreasonble way. I tell him I'm going to leave Mr. Grumpy alone for awhile.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Bkyn99 said:


> Lately, I feel like my husband gets mad at me over the silliest things. And I mean really mad, like ends up starting a big fight because I'm defensive and protective of my feelings and don't like being spoken to in a disrespectful manner for no reason.
> Most recently, we bought a home. On day of closing, I took the day off from work so we can get some things done after getting the keys. I said I was going to the store with our son and even asked him if it was okay. He said yes. I get home 2 hours later and he's in a crabby mood. He barely spoke to me or looked at me the rest of the day. So, after 2 or 3 times asking him what was wrong, I ask again. And he goes off. Saying he was upset that I went to the store. That he wanted me to stay home so we could relax the rest of the day. Go back to what I mentioned before.. I asked him if it was okay if I went. I tend to ask him often if I can go to the store and every time he gets mad that I ask him. "Do you have to ask for my permission to do something?" Well, after his little temper tantrum, I guess I do.
> It really hurt me. A day of joy and excitement turned to tears and anger. It doesn't just start there ... we engage in sex multiple times per week, barely miss a day. I often flirt with my husband because I'm very attracted to him, but if we don't have sex one night, he will be a complete jerk to me the entire next day and when I finally get him to tell me what's wrong, he says that I teased him all day and didn't put out.
> I love my husband. He has a lot of great qualities, but it's things like this that make me question things and if I'm in the wrong. I don't feel like I am but he always expects an apology from me like it was all my fault. Please help me understand.


He sounds like a complete d***. You're the one bending over backwards to ask permission and please him, and he seems to be just sadistic enough to enjoy making you unhappy and squirm. 

Good thing for him you're attracted to him, but I would advise you get some more boundaries about how you put up with being treated. He sounds like a jerk.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You don't ask him if you can go to the store. You tell him and ask him if he needs or wants anything.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He’s an ass. You’d be wise to understand that YOU teach people how they can treat you. Then you get more of what you’ve been getting. I tell him to shape up or ship out.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

NTA said:


> You could try humor. Sometimes I think my husband is reacting in some unreasonble way. I tell him I'm going to leave Mr. Grumpy alone for awhile.


That’s true, a slap on the bum, ‘You’re so sexy when you’re antsy’ and wink and walk away. And go shopping. I agree to stop asking for permission. You could even try putting some responsibility back by giving a choice, ‘I’m going to the shop, want to come with me or stay home?’ He says no, you say OK and nothing more and leave.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> You don't ask him if you can go to the store. You tell him and ask him if he needs or wants anything.


Or you say ,"Want to go to the store with me?" I dont care if we are grocery shopping, shoe store or yard work....any time i get to spend with my wife i consider, "It's a good day tater." Instead of 11-12 hrs 45mi away from home daily at work.

My son is always saying, "Do yall got to make out all the time?" were hugging or giving each other a 💋. I say yes we do as a matter of fact. Im 49 and she will be 54 this month. Just driving we hold hands in the truck. Walking across the parking lot and in the store. It is just how we roll.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> You don't ask him if you can go to the store. You tell him and ask him if he needs or wants anything.


Spot on.


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