# Passionless Marriage



## DianeAsi (Oct 24, 2010)

I am a married woman in an almost sexless and definitely passionless marriage.?
My husband is a good husband and father to our 3 kids (one is from my first marriage, but he raised her since age 2). My problem is that the sex sucks. We've been together for 9 years and he loves me, he's just not a sexual person, where I on the other hand am very sexual and need it much more than he does. There's a guy at work, and we have this unbelievable sexual tension between us, but he doesn't want to do anything because I'm married. He said if I were single it would be a different story. I can't understand that because he's married w/kids too, so why the double standard? I'm not looking to break up my family, I love my husband and we've been to all the counseling that exists, I just need a little more than he does. What do I do with this guy at work, we're both dying to be together physically, but can't. No, I would not consider going with just any guy, my husband and I talk about this problem all the time, and he has no interest in spicing things up, trying something new or anything like that. He thinks that once in a while is enough, and only once at a time. I'm sure he's not having an affair, and I told him that I don't want to have an affair, but I have needs and for the past 9 years I've been taking care of myself. He said "do what you have to do". We love eachother, and talk about everything, we tried to get help, a number of times, but in the sex department he's just not doing it for me. He doesn't watch porno, not depressed, just doesn't have sex drive like I do. I'm in my prime, I'm 32 years old and live like an 80 year old. We don't go out on dates or anything either - I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!! I'm going nuts, and I don't know what to do...HELP! The only thing that's left is to see if there's actually a physiological problem with him, and he's kind of embarassed to do that, understandably. I'm willing to try anything, and I mean ANYTHING that will get his sex drive up. I have tried offering him everything and would do anything that he asked me to...


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

LOL
guess what, ur the exact opposite of myself, wifey told me we still have years ahead of us (in a way to justify that we do not need sex so often)

well, i feel u, u want it but he doesnt want to provide, so what do we do? u can try to talk to him, make him know how important sex is to u, try planning something sexy once u tuck away the kids...

if that do not work, get some toys for urself


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## mrsromance (Oct 21, 2010)

Your husband could suffer from low testosterone levels. Do you know if he has had them checked?


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## chingchang (Sep 21, 2010)

DianeAsi said:


> I am a married woman in an almost sexless and definitely passionless marriage.?
> My husband is a good husband and father to our 3 kids (one is from my first marriage, but he raised her since age 2). My problem is that the sex sucks. We've been together for 9 years and he loves me, he's just not a sexual person, where I on the other hand am very sexual and need it much more than he does. There's a guy at work, and we have this unbelievable sexual tension between us, but he doesn't want to do anything because I'm married. He said if I were single it would be a different story. I can't understand that because he's married w/kids too, so why the double standard? I'm not looking to break up my family, I love my husband and we've been to all the counseling that exists, I just need a little more than he does. What do I do with this guy at work, we're both dying to be together physically, but can't. No, I would not consider going with just any guy, my husband and I talk about this problem all the time, and he has no interest in spicing things up, trying something new or anything like that. He thinks that once in a while is enough, and only once at a time. I'm sure he's not having an affair, and I told him that I don't want to have an affair, but I have needs and for the past 9 years I've been taking care of myself. He said "do what you have to do". We love eachother, and talk about everything, we tried to get help, a number of times, but in the sex department he's just not doing it for me. He doesn't watch porno, not depressed, just doesn't have sex drive like I do. I'm in my prime, I'm 32 years old and live like an 80 year old. We don't go out on dates or anything either - I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!! I'm going nuts, and I don't know what to do...HELP! The only thing that's left is to see if there's actually a physiological problem with him, and he's kind of embarassed to do that, understandably. I'm willing to try anything, and I mean ANYTHING that will get his sex drive up. I have tried offering him everything and would do anything that he asked me to...


Welcome to the libido mismatch club. Suck don't it?

Hugs,
CC


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yes, welcome to club.

Here is the problem I think with going outside the marriage for getting your needs met - it's always complicated and that's probably why the guy won't sleep with you. He's actually being wise and figuring, "Gee, can this just be sex and a little fun?"

A friend of mine had an affair with a married woman and he told me to be careful with married women. It's pretty easy - they keep you, their lover, on the side and it's all exciting for them at first.

Then one day, you end up with them on the phone with you, with their husband in the other room over, calling you up and saying batshat crazy things like, "I just needed to hear your voice. Are you seeing someone? 'Cause I don't know if I can deal with that."

The same in gender reverse - you get some guy outside your window at night telling you how much he loves you.

Such is the dramatic life of high libido people.

He needs a counselor but a good one to tell him that he has to step up his game a bit here, not in a judgmental way, but in a matter of fact way.

I am assuming of course you aren't a 300 pound gorilla either with back hair and this isn't something we can totally pin on him.

Good luck.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

chingchang said:


> welcome to the libido mismatch club. Suck don't it?
> 
> Hugs,
> cc



yes it does!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

mrsromance said:


> Your husband could suffer from low testosterone levels. Do you know if he has had them checked?



My H does...FINALLY after YEARS of me begging went to the doctor, takes injections...says he feels better...STILL no sex drive! GRRRRRRRR

And I am NOT a 300lb gorilla!

NEXT!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> And I am NOT a 300lb gorilla!
> 
> NEXT!


Oh.

Cause I am a 220 pound one.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> Oh.
> 
> Cause I am a 220 pound one.


LOL you guys are funny
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

JustAGirl said:


> My H does...FINALLY after YEARS of me begging went to the doctor, takes injections...says he feels better...STILL no sex drive! GRRRRRRRR
> 
> And I am NOT a 300lb gorilla!
> 
> NEXT!


Keep up the good work, the level will go up surely but very slowly. My hubby got one injection a year ago, during the year, he did exercise and lost some weights, which also helps, but not yet reached a sufficient point. So when it's time to have sex, he's like a sloth. This saturday, he would get his 2nd injection. We will see what happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

Wow you are me, excluding the co-worker. Personally I feel you should distance yourself from this guy as it sounds you've gone too far with him as it is. Ask your husband to go to a urologist, have his testosterone checked. Low T can result with the symptoms you've explained. Even if his T is normal get him to take it anyways. My doctor gave me a trail dose and I was dry humping anything not tied down. I quit using it as i didnt need it and my wife didnt want me so horny. I used it as a performance enhancer as im a athlete.


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## jay3171 (Nov 19, 2010)

It's my impression, from talking to a lot of married men, like me, and a very select few married women, that this is the single biggest problem with married couples. One wants it. The other doesn't.

It seems like most of the times it's the guy who's the most sexually frustrated. But certainly that's not always the case. 

I've got the same problem in my marriage, too.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sure, this guy at work is sexually interesting, but he's also talking trash to another woman behind his wife's back. Don't believe I'd swap loyalty for excitement. Your husband can be trained or take meds to rev up. There is no pill to improve character.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

chingchang said:


> Welcome to the libido mismatch club. Suck don't it?
> 
> Hugs,
> CC


im not just a client, im the president


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## Pleaser44 (May 5, 2015)

You and I have allot in common. My question to you is, is it SEX that you want/crave, or is it that affection? I want/need BOTH, but I could live with just the affection/attention. 
PLS do not get involved with someone else during your marriage. I made that mistake, my husband found out, he understood why I did it, but the fact that I betrayed him/vowes have destroyed all trust. Can you blame him? You still have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror, and does your husband deserve that? 
good luck


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