# Husband wants me to work in the summer



## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

I became a teacher 7 years ago and since then my husband has pestered me every summer about getting a summer job. I have done so a few summers, but this year have chosen not to. He is angry at me and says I am not working "together" - I say I contribute by my full time job, which is as a teacher 184 days of the year. How do I get him to agree to disagree on this topic - or is he right?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

By letting him take the summer off? Sounds like he doesn't think you pull your weight. Is this time off a vacation for you? Or do you do more to compensate. Btw, 184 days is part time not full time.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Do you have kids?


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

Well, like I said I am a teacher, so yes, it is a full time job 9 1/2 months of the year. I also do my CEU's etc during the summer. My job provides a full time salary, retirement plan and our family helath insurance. H also works in schools and he has off 6 weeks compared to my 10 weeks. I am not off vacationing for the 10 weeks - just doing things around home. I guess I don't understand the "pull my weight" comment. That sounds just like him - but what does that really mean? As a couple - does it mean bring in the same amount of money? Or work the same number of hours? Or do the same amount of chores? Or what? When I worked at another job before teaching, I made a lot less, he was home with the kids during the summer while I was working, and money was never an issue.


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

Yes two teenagers.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I guess the question is... do you NEED the extra money or is he just resentful of having to go to work when you don't have to. 

Do you get paid during the summer? 

I am also a teacher. Some summers I teach summer school. A few times I looked for summer work, but no one wanted to hire me for just two months I guess. Some years we need some extra money more than other years. 

So if you worked 4 extra weeks during the summer.... would he be satisfied? 

If it's a money issue, is there something you can do during the summer to bring in extra money? Tutoring? Babysitting? Make money on your hobby? 

I think you need to clarify with him.... 

1. Is it a NEED for money? Extra time to catch up bills?
2. Would 4 weeks of work make things "more equal"? 
3. Is it the income or the not wanting you to be in bed when he has to get up and go to work? 
4. Is he willing to give up his 6 weeks of vacation to earn money as opposed to earned time off?


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Sounds like your husband is resentful you work less time than him. Or is it a money issue?

I was a teacher about 12 years ago. I picked up extra work with summer school. There are extra ways to earn money, if that's the issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

pjm said:


> Yes two teenagers.


Then with you being home someone will always around to watch them. Probably saves money right there.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

richie33 said:


> Then with you being home someone will always around to watch them. Probably saves money right there.


Why do teenagers need to be "watched"?

C


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Drugs, alcohol,etc.


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

SunnyT said:


> I guess the question is... do you NEED the extra money or is he just resentful of having to go to work when you don't have to.
> 
> Do you get paid during the summer?
> 
> ...


Yes, I get my same paycheck all summer.

1. It is not a need for money. Our finances are in good shape and when asked he says he understands that we don't need it. But, he says "I just feel that if you have time off you should do something productive with it". I will translate Productive as = make money. 
2. 4 weeks of work would appease him but that would be hard to find at this point. 
3. He is off now to for entire month of July and first two weeks of august. So, he doesn't have to get up while I'm still in bed. He did do it for about 2 weeks in June. One week I was at a work conference so was out of town. 
4. He says that if I don't do something to earn extra then he is going to - so that will mean "giving up" his time off. 

I feel that the main issue we are dealing with here is a philosophical difference in what we feel is important. I feel like I worked hard and earned this time off and I want to enjoy it. Mind you, this does not mean any vacation to Italy, just around home, biking, running, meeting friends for lunch, evenings out etc. It seems to me that his #1 priority is making money. So if given the chance to go somewhere and do something fun or earn $50 extra dollars, he would choose the money. 

I guess my main question is can I just say no and ask him to live with my choice and accept that we feel differently??


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

Ha ha yes, I sometimes think the same thing. Of course they don't need cared for like small children - but bad things can and do happen when there is no adult supervision for 8-10 hours at a time. We have some friends who have left their kids home while they went to Florida. Bad news! Don't we all remember being teens?? But, I'm not suggesting I need to be home to "watch" them. I simply don't feel the need to work any more jobs than my regular full time employment. My husband sees it differently - which is fine but I don't think I should be forced to work just because he thinks I "should"


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Of course you can say no to him. But apparently, you can expect him to get all grumpy about it. Neither of you is wrong or right... It's just your opinions are different.

C


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Hi pjm, I think your husband has a lot of nerve. He's jealous of your 10 weeks vs. his 6 weeks so you should work those 4 weeks? You are working a very honorable hard respectable job. You are not slacking off. That is the job of a teacher - you get the summers off. Good for you for choosing that career and for choosing the lifestyle that allows you to be home with your family as much as you are.

If you were struggling financially, then that is a different story. But you are not. I do not think you should capitulate to appease your husbands unfair sense of righteousness. Who does he think he is to demand that you work more weeks when you have a full time job and are paid for your summer vacation? WHat a control freak. Is going to withhold something from you for disobeying him? He needs to get one thing straight, and that is that you have a full time job and this is your vacation and you're taking it. This is a perk of being a teacher. You went to school for this, got your masters, and you're going to enjoy your summer.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I guess I'd tell him your opinion, and ask him if he thinks there is a compromise. Altho I cannot imagine a compromise (maybe because I LOOOOOOOOOOVE having summers off!?), he seems kind of black and white..... 

And really, this is HIS issue.... not yours. He is the one with a problem. So if he wants to give up his time off to work, that is his call. I'd be supportive and even make his lunches! "See ya later, Sweetie! Have a nice day at work!"


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

If it is simply a matter of him being annoyed/jealous of you having more holidays then he needs to grow up. If you need the money then it is a different issue.

I work whenever I feel like it (but I can afford to make this choice). Am a single parent and am very lucky to have the lifestyle I have, I have my kids 50/50 with the ex and even though the oldest is 16 I know they need a parent at home as much as possible. I refuse to give up the SAHM lifestyle even though I only have the kids half time.

Life is too short OP to work just to make a few extra dollars if you don't need to. Your kids will be grown up and gone in a blink, they will get more benefit from you being home more than a few dollars extra.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

pjm said:


> Yes, I get my same paycheck all summer.
> 
> 1. It is not a need for money. Our finances are in good shape and when asked he says he understands that we don't need it. But, he says "I just feel that if you have time off you should do something productive with it". I will translate Productive as = make money.
> 2. 4 weeks of work would appease him but that would be hard to find at this point.
> ...


So I don't quite understand why if you guys don't need the money, why he feels the need to make 4 weeks extra money. Is it that you don't feel you both need the money and he does? Do you earn less or more than he does? Is it that he feels that he's contributing more to the household and he wants "fairness"?

If he's like that then he should know that I was a lot like him. And it was partly what cost me my wife and family. As it probably has for many other couples. And boy, have I wised up now. These are not really financial issues (I was not struggling financially either), they just emerge as that, but like you've pointed out, they are really a disparity in priorities and values between you.

Ideally he would have a friend give him a wake up call and tell him to get his priorities straight, but I'm not suggesting you arrange that  Is he a workaholic? Does he count every penny? The top priority in any marriage is LOVE. Love means self-sacrifice, giving, and without keeping account.

I think the best option for you is to firmly refuse to work the extra weeks, be willing to discuss other ideas with him and try to understand and ease his fears about money.

Do you each have your own pot of money that you can spend as you please, or is it all considered joint? If you do have your own money (and I think you both should, I think it's important to retain some identity and autonomy), then I think you should spend yours on marriage counseling for both of you.


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

PBear said:


> Of course you can say no to him. But apparently, you can expect him to get all grumpy about it. Neither of you is wrong or right... It's just your opinions are different.
> 
> C


So can you help me to deal with the grumpiness and the constant bringing up the same argument?? It ruins my summer! I can't just walk away from him because when I try to he just follows me. I have tried - OK, I see that we have different opinions, but now you need to accept that and stop bringing this up. Doesn't help. So what are some non-argumentative ways to say, hey love you but you need to shut up now?


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

I feel that it is his issue too, but unfortunately it is making it hard to ENJOY my time off because he is so grumpy and he continues to bring this up. I have definitely made my opinion clear and have pointed out that some summers (the last two) I have indeed picked up extra work. I feel that is a compromise - some summers I will and some I won't.


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

GetTough said:


> So I don't quite understand why if you guys don't need the money, why he feels the need to make 4 weeks extra money. Is it that you don't feel you both need the money and he does? Do you earn less or more than he does? Is it that he feels that he's contributing more to the household and he wants "fairness"?
> 
> If he's like that then he should know that I was a lot like him. And it was partly what cost me my wife and family. As it probably has for many other couples. And boy, have I wised up now. These are not really financial issues (I was not struggling financially either), they just emerge as that, but like you've pointed out, they are really a disparity in priorities and values between you.
> 
> ...


Thank you for this reply. We really don't need the money - even he agrees that is true. But it's just a value thing. I value my time off and he values making money. He is not a workaholic - far from it. He is more like a work-out-a-holic. He often ditches work by 2-3 p.m. for the gym. He can do this because he travels alot and can catch up with phone calls/email later. I do earn less, but not significantly. I do more housework but he seems to think he does. I think he really wants a stay at home wife but one who also brings in a full-time salary (in other words, always have dinner ready and house clean and kids taken care of, but bring home paycheck too). Sounds mean to say but sometimes that's how it feels to me. 

Listen - thanks so much for taking time to post. You have helped me more than you know. I don't usually post to these sites, but maybe now I will start.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

pjm said:


> I guess my main question is can I just say no and ask him to live with my choice and accept that we feel differently??


I don't think he appreciates what you're already doing. What's his long term goal in this? I know "make more money" but I mean how much more and for how long. Is their a target or does he just want more.

Most SO would not ask you to get a summer job if you're financially ok and already had a full time job ( yes teaching is a full time job ). They would let you enjoy some time off while getting a paycheck and most would like knowing you get to. Most spouses in your shoes ( financially stable with a decent job ) who are pressured by their SO to get a second job would give their SO the finger. I'm not saying you should do that. I'm just saying most people would be very annoyed about this pressure unless there's some specific targets and reasons.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Just curious then....what do you plan to do for those 4 weeks? 4 weeks is still a long time....I mean, if you are just going to be sitting around lounging, I could understand why he would get a bit jealous of your extra 4 weeks. Also, if you are out spending money for 4 weeks, he might resent that too.

If you are using part of the time to sleep in and relax, but still catch up on stuff that needs to be done (ie: maybe clean up the basement, paint that room, etc.), I can't see it being too bad. I think if you are off for 4 weeks, at least use the time off to do something productive.

A good balance of relaxation and household choir catch-up should be fine. Doing whatever you want for 4 weeks would probably piss me off, if nothing was done around the house, you were spending money, and I still had to come home and do stuff you could have done during your time off.


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

That's a fair question. I have been spending time enjoying myself - riding my bike and other workouts (I'm a Zumba nut), but I have also been catching up on a lot of things at home. Cleaning out closets, garage, cleaning ceiling fans and blinds - things that we never find time for when we are so busy during the school year. Now that we are both off for the next month I'd like to plan some fun things to do together, but he claims instead he will look for work "since You won't". BTW, he does lots of fun things without me. He's gone on trips, golf outings, etc. I don't get pissed off by that. I am happy for him getting to do fun things. And I just want to do that same. Oh and I also am trying hard to always have something for dinner cuz I know that is really important to him.


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

I'm also a teacher. Summer school used to be an option and I did that a few times. But, for quite a while it has only been available to special ed. teachers and students. None of the teachers I work with have a summer job. This includes all the men, too. 

My advice is to let him work his six weeks. Maybe he'll change his tune next summer after seeing what it's like to go without a break. If he doesn't choose to work, how can he then complain about you?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> By letting him take the summer off? Sounds like he doesn't think you pull your weight. Is this time off a vacation for you? Or do you do more to compensate. Btw, 184 days is part time not full time.


I agree it sounds like her husband does not think she pulls her weight. I don't agree it is a part-time job, however. I know several teachers and they work long hours during the school year. On top of running the classroon, teachers have to grade papers, plan curricula, deal with parents, etc. I would not be surprised if teachers worked the same number of hours as a full-time 40 hr per week employee over a year.

OP:

I don't think anyone on TAM is suggesting you don't add value to the household. IMO, though, the issue is not what you contribute in the abstract - it is what you contribute in relation to what he contributes. So, if he thinks he contributes more than you, that is the issue you have to address.

So, if you get a few more weeks of vacation a year, but work longer days than him during the school year, then it evens out and you should tell him so. Alternatively, if you work full time around the home taking care of stuff so that he doesn't have to do so much, you should track it and tell him so.

But, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would relish grinding at work so that you don't have to. He probably feels that you should grind every bit as hard as he does since the money benefits both of you equally. So, if you make "x" and he makes "2x", it's not likely that your pension and benefits closes that gap.

You'll need to come to a workable compromise before resentment sets in.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

sad to say, but there must be more wrong with your marriage than the extra 4 weeks off. When you said that you'd like to plan fun things to do with your H during the 6 weeks you both have off, but he said he'll be looking for a job for you, that just screams at a much more major problem here. I think it borders on sicko. What is it about this issue that bothers him so super incredibly much, that he will not allow himself to enjoy his 6 weeks off because he is so angry and resentful of you. This is really sad, as you know. Is your marriage OK besides this? When September rolls back around, is he at peace again because you are working? He sounds very manipulative. Either you do what he says or he will be miserable. Maybe it's time for counseling.


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## bewilderness (Jun 11, 2013)

You are a teacher and therefore you are most likely part of a union. What would a union leader suggest teachers do if more demands were being placed on teachers without an offer of greater compensation?

That's right. Go on strike. 

Stop doing EVERYTHING you do around the house. Notify your husband that you are on strike and, as such, you will not be doing laundry, housework, dishes, grocery shopping, menu planning, cooking, chauffeuring, planning family activities, yard work, bill paying, errands, banking, dry cleaning, gift buying, card mailing, pet care, ironing, sheet changing, auto maintenance, and any other service you currently provide as a wife and mother. 

Notify him of the strike in advance. Tell him how long it will last (1 week should be sufficient). Explain that your role as a wife and mother is undervalued and a strike is the only way to get through to him. 

Enjoy your time off. ;-)

I agree with everyone who has stated that this is his problem. If he complains, one way to diffuse the anger, etc. is simply to reply, "You may be right." It doesn't mean you agree with him. It just takes you out of the place where you have to defend yourself. 

He sounds angry, bitter, and controlling. Have you considered marital counseling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

IsGirl3 said:


> sad to say, but there must be more wrong with your marriage than the extra 4 weeks off. When you said that you'd like to plan fun things to do with your H during the 6 weeks you both have off, but he said he'll be looking for a job for you, that just screams at a much more major problem here. I think it borders on sicko. What is it about this issue that bothers him so super incredibly much, that he will not allow himself to enjoy his 6 weeks off because he is so angry and resentful of you. This is really sad, as you know. Is your marriage OK besides this? When September rolls back around, is he at peace again because you are working? He sounds very manipulative. Either you do what he says or he will be miserable. Maybe it's time for counseling.


Of course you are right this a lot more going on but it's always kind of along the same lines. He has lots of problems with me and the way I live, but then when I try to talk about WHY we have these problems - you know, the bigger stuff - then he says I'm making a big deal out of something little.


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

Tried to get him to go to counseling and he flatly refuses. He said counseling can only work if you are willing and he is not willing. Bottom line for him - he doesn't need to change. He is not the problem. I am. Always.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

pjm said:


> Tried to get him to go to counseling and he flatly refuses. He said counseling can only work if you are willing and he is not willing. Bottom line for him - he doesn't need to change. He is not the problem. I am. Always.


Have you asked him if he wants a divorce? Because if nothing changes, neither one of you is going to be happy in this marriage.

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that your marriage is in trouble. It takes two to create and maintain a happy marriage.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

pjm said:


> Tried to get him to go to counseling and he flatly refuses. He said counseling can only work if you are willing and he is not willing. Bottom line for him - he doesn't need to change. He is not the problem. I am. Always.


Same thing my ex said. He wouldn't go.... so I made the appointment, invited him to go....he declined again so I went without him. 

What I got out of it.... is that by refusing to discuss or "own" any problems or issues, he had given up any authority on my decisions, thoughts, directions, etc... She pretty much told me to either accept that THIS is how he is OR decide that I won't accept it and make arrangements to work toward whatever I need to do. 

So I set a mental timeline in my head, either the marriage improves within one year or I have GOT to go! I worked during that time to invite him to be intimate, to marriage counseling, to discussions, to family night..... everything I could think of to save the marriage without actually "talking about the relationship" (which seemed to be the biggest issue anyway!). 

Anyway.... he's my EX for a reason. I guess my point was, I went to marriage counseling without him and learned that if he is not invested in "your problems" then there is not much you can do WITH him.... and some stuff you do will be in spite of him (like not working in the summer). Good luck.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

norajane said:


> Have you asked him if he wants a divorce? Because if nothing changes, neither one of you is going to be happy in this marriage.
> 
> Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that your marriage is in trouble. It takes two to create and maintain a happy marriage.


I agree he needs a solid wake-up call, that is backed up with action. Don't just complain. Don't just express unhappiness. Don't just tell him things have to change. That is not enough. Actually tell him your marriage is on the line. And then if nothing changes, you will have to follow through so he experiences what it's like to be without you or your help for a while. You just gently but firmly do what you need to do for you. For a lot of men, that's pretty much what's necessary to get through to them exactly what's at stake here.


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

I don't think you're a jerk at all. I'm not sure what your issues are that you are considering separation, but it sounds like your financial plans are in line with each other. That is awesome. The question would be what would you do if your husband decided one summer NOT to work? Would you lecture him regularly? Try to find jobs for him? Say that if he won't do what you want, then you will have to get a 2nd job (to make up for what he is losing by not finding work himself!)? My problem is that he and I see things differently and he refuses to ACCEPT IT and move on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

pjm said:


> he says "I just feel that if you have time off you should do something productive with it".


"Husband, I hear your concern and I understand your viewpoint; I just don't share it. Part of the reason I chose to be a teacher is so that I could enjoy 10 weeks off each year. So that's what I'm going to do. If you want to switch careers and get the same schedule as me, I'll support it. But I won't keep having this discussion with you."


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## CreekWalker (May 31, 2013)

You could tutor. What about tutoring people for the GRAR? or summer college courses?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

CreekWalker said:


> You could tutor. What about tutoring people for the GRAR? or summer college courses?


That's some options. Or, you could stretch up the hammock and enjoy your summer off like I do, as you have earned it. That sounds good!


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## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

CreekWalker said:


> You could tutor. What about tutoring people for the GRAR? or summer college courses?


Yes I could tutor, teach summer school, teach fitness classes (I have done in the past), mow lawns, paint houses, etc. I wasn't asking for more advice on jobs to get. The problem in my marriage is that he is so adamant that I MUST work - and yes, he has given me all these possible scenarios above. I have taught fitness classes the last two summers. I feel that since I did this for two years in a row, that I have compromised and now I just need him to accept that I don't want to work this summer.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

southbound said:


> That's some options. Or, you could stretch up the hammock and enjoy your summer off like I do, as you have earned it. That sounds good!


:iagree:
I'm not a teacher *and I am envious of the summers off but* we all have the opportunity to pursue being educators. I get four weeks of vacation every year and hollidays but oddly enough my wife doesn't want me to get a part time to fill my vacation days with.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Sounds like jealousy for sure. There are some jobs where people get Summers off etc, and being a teacher is one of those jobs. Since you worked during the Summer for two years in a row then yes, he should at least be willing to compromise and be ok with your taking this Summer off. If you are not in dire need of money then it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I guess thats because its more of a resentful issue he has since he has to work all year around. Sounds kinda childish. Hope he isn't like this in other areas of the marriage.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

But he doesn't have to work all year round. He also has a vacation this summer, it just happens to be a bit shorter than hers.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

you contribute plenty hes being an a$$.

I will say it would be nice if while you were off up picked up some extra chores and nicer dinners and more sex for him would go a long way in smoothing this thing out....at least it would work for me.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

It's about control dear.

My exH made tons of money but INSISTED I work full-time year round with 2 children & do 90% of the household chores, errands, shopping, etc., etc.

To avoid a nervous breakdown, I reduced my full-time work to a 4-day work-week. 

He almost had a nervous breakdown 

He was jealous of my "day off" & was very grumpy about it just like your husband.

Are there other areas in your relationship where your husband is controlling?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, it's not part time when I pay bills full time 

And I got this job (worked my ass off) so I could be home with the kids as much as possible. And I love it 

Also, I couldn't imagine working a 9-5 24/7 365 days/year job. I'd kill myself.


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## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

IsGirl3 said:


> Hi pjm, I think your husband has a lot of nerve. He's jealous of your 10 weeks vs. his 6 weeks so you should work those 4 weeks? You are working a very honorable hard respectable job. You are not slacking off. That is the job of a teacher - you get the summers off. Good for you for choosing that career and for choosing the lifestyle that allows you to be home with your family as much as you are.
> 
> If you were struggling financially, then that is a different story. But you are not. I do not think you should capitulate to appease your husbands unfair sense of righteousness. Who does he think he is to demand that you work more weeks when you have a full time job and are paid for your summer vacation? WHat a control freak. Is going to withhold something from you for disobeying him? He needs to get one thing straight, and that is that you have a full time job and this is your vacation and you're taking it. This is a perk of being a teacher. You went to school for this, got your masters, and you're going to enjoy your summer.


I just had to quote this because I'm only allow to like it once.. 

+100000000000000

Great breakdown


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Remind him that he is not your daddy and his acting like one is very unattractive. Just because he is an administrator at work does not mean he gets to be one at home. You're a big girl and can manage your time yourself.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

One thing no one noticed is that the OP mentioned the husband takes 1-2 hours earlier off from work to go to a GYM each day. Which costs money and is not bringing any. With quick math she actually works some 180+ hours MORE than him per year. How did that happen?

Should we also count that she wakes up one hour and 25 minutes earlier than him each morning - no doubt doing things around the house that otherwise would be left undone since the husband is sleeping this time. Probably makes everything ready for him like his mother used to do so he can drag through each morning with eyes closed.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Suspecting said:


> One thing no one noticed is that the OP mentioned the husband takes 1-2 hours earlier off from work to go to a GYM each day. Which costs money and is not bringing any. With quick math she actually works some 180+ hours MORE than him per year. How did that happen?
> 
> Should we also count that she wakes up one hour and 25 minutes earlier than him each morning - no doubt doing things around the house that otherwise would be left undone since the husband is sleeping this time. Probably makes everything ready for him like his mother used to do so he can drag through each morning with eyes closed.


True. Personally, though, I wouldn't go to the trouble of figuring all that. It makes it seem like she needs an excuse for not getting a summer job. In my opinion, she does not. 

If the issue was that she were being lazy during her time off and letting things fall down around her, that should be the issue, which it's not. Getting a summer job wouldn't cure that.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

If you can take the summer's off from teaching (financial wise) i say you deserve it ten fold. Your job is stressful and and can be unrewarding. Teachers don't just walk out at the end of the school day, planning and grading are done alot on "their" time. Plus, to many parents are neglectful and the teacher's end up babysitting instead of teaching core circulum.

I agree with southbound, you don't have to provide an excuse.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

My daughter is finishing her student teaching this fall to graduate this December. I can't tell you how proud I am of her. She will be walking into a world that is both rewarding but taxing. I will b behind her with all my support. And her hubby supports her 100%. Yeah ch*******,


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

People who post that teachers work part-time are clueless. Any teacher knows that there is an immense amount of planning/grading that happens outside of the classroom. Working IN the classroom is only part of the equation. I've taught full-time at the college level in the past before kids. My summers "off" were spent planning syllabi, class materials, etc... 

I think I'll tell my friend who is always up to 1 A.M. reading essays that his job is part-time. We'll roll on the floor over that one.

To the OP: I think your husband is being controlling. It sounds like there are some underlying issues that he needs to address. I hope you can get it resolved!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

pjm said:


> I became a teacher 7 years ago and since then my husband has pestered me every summer about getting a summer job. I have done so a few summers, but this year have chosen not to. He is angry at me and says I am not working "together" - I say I contribute by my full time job, which is as a teacher 184 days of the year. *How do I get him to agree to disagree on this topic - or is he right?*


Reminder: This is the topic.

Please, no more teacher bashing, unhelpful posts, or thread-jacks. Stick to helping the OP solve her problem with her husband!


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

OP: I would offer a compromise.

Could you maybe tutor summer school students for a couple days a week in the summer? Or teach a college course (I know some are only five weeks vice the full summer)? Something that wouldn't take as much time but would still bring in some money.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

LoveAtDaisys said:


> OP: I would offer a compromise.
> 
> Could you maybe tutor summer school students for a couple days a week in the summer? Or teach a college course (I know some are only five weeks vice the full summer)? Something that wouldn't take as much time but would still bring in some money.


As the OP stated, she's not asking for job suggestions. The thing is, she doesn't want to work summers, and there is no need for the money, yet he is adamant about her working. It seems to me like she has already compromised; she has worked a few summers, but does not want to this summer.


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## Awe (Aug 16, 2012)

Does he make more than you? Do you spend more than him?

Maybe it's a "fairness" thing? He could resent the fact that you spend as much or more than him on yourself and you bring in less? And then he has to work an extra 4 weeks a year that you don't?

Just putting it out there


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## Sennik (Feb 15, 2011)

pjm said:


> That's a fair question. I have been spending time enjoying myself - riding my bike and other workouts (I'm a Zumba nut), but I have also been catching up on a lot of things at home. Cleaning out closets, garage, cleaning ceiling fans and blinds - things that we never find time for when we are so busy during the school year. Now that we are both off for the next month I'd like to plan some fun things to do together, but he claims instead he will look for work "since You won't". BTW, he does lots of fun things without me. He's gone on trips, golf outings, etc. I don't get pissed off by that. I am happy for him getting to do fun things. And I just want to do that same. Oh and I also am trying hard to always have something for dinner cuz I know that is really important to him.


That seems plenty productive to me, he just sounds overly jealous.

It also bothers me when people bring up the 'you only work part time' line. As the husband of a highly qualified (Masters plus national certification) teacher, I know better.

Sure, there are SOME teachers that put in a minimum amount of time and effort and may actually end up at part time hours over the course of the year.

I believe the reality though is most teachers put in plenty of extra hours on top of their contract hours that don't result in increased pay. Things like continuing education. Meetings called by principals that go 2-3 hours after contract hours sometimes multiple times a week. Hours of planning for differentiated instruction for 25 plus kids, when they only half an hour of planning time a day. Room material planning and preparation (and paying for since a lot of school districts are virtually broke). Mentoring lower level teachers. It goes on and on.

A couple years ago I had my wife track her additional hours that weren't compensated for and we were both shocked.

I average 50 hours a week over 52 weeks (or 53.06 per worked week.)

My wife actually averaged *55* hours per week over 52 weeks(or 68.09 hours per contract week).


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Personally I think that if I were married to a teacher I would not force her to work summers but at the same time if she can work and build up that much more for towards the pension and retirement all the better.


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