# Not sure of how I feel, or what to do



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I had an EA and was caught a little over a month ago. On that very day, the EA ended. There has been no contact since. My wife forgave me a few days later. She is committed to making our marriage work. I told her the same. I am completely transparent with all phone calls, texts, emails, atc. I've been going to counseling as well.

Since then, we have been spending lots of time together. She is expressing a greater than normal (normal for the past several years) affection towards me. Telling me how much she loves me, texting me, and hugging me more often. I do the same in return, but I'm not initiating it. My wife asks me if I really do love her, or am I just responding. I've been telling her that I really do, and I've feeling that I really do until lately.

Yesterday and last night were tough on me from the perspective of challenging my thoughts about my love for my wife. We haven't have a bad marriage, but I do think that it went stale over the past years without either of us really knowing that it was going stale. I can't say that we grew apart since I an unable to define what that really means.

I don't hate my wife. I care for her in every way. It's the passion that I have little, or none, of for her. I don't want to fake my real feelings. But I also don't want to hurt her given the amount of hurt I already caused by the EA. 

We've been married for 30 years, and have adult children. I've been posting in the "Coping with Infidelity" forum, and asking questions and learning much. I'm trying to heal myself and clear the "fog" from my head. My wife is well ahead of me on the healing part of it.

I'll be going to a counseling session soon, and plan to discuss my feelings there. I need to know if the feelings are a result of the EA fog, or are they possibly real and the EA exposed that fact. 

Has anyone else been in my shoes?


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