# My husband solicits prostitutes.



## T1977 (Nov 13, 2015)

We've been married for almost 15 years, about 7 seven years ago I found an e-mail that looked like he was soliciting prostitutes through craigs list. He denied of course, we went through counseling and tried to work things out. I recently found another e-mail that he sent soliciting a prostitute again...I now imagine that he's done it for the entire length of our marriage. He doesn't request or try to have sex with me. We have two children that love and adore their father. I'm now ready to file for divorce, but not really ready for the emotional "stuff" that will come along with leaving. My children will be crushed. Any suggestions or experiences you'd like to share?


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## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

If you're not happy, your kids will sense that and it will put a strain on them. If you file for divorce, it will be hard at first, but in time you will get rid of that pit in your stomach and you will be happier, and so will they.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

If you haven't already, please get an STD test.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Some may disagree, but as the one filing I think you will have an advantage. It not only shows that you're not going to accept the sheet sandwich, but you're going to move on and you and your kids will be just fine. 

You need to believe you will be fine. It'll be hard, but weeks, months later you'll look on it as another life lesson. You learned to stand up for yourself and your values. Your kids will remember that, even if they can't appreciate it until older.


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## nittry3 (Nov 10, 2015)

badmemory said:


> If you haven't already, please get an STD test.


Absolutely agree. Of all places to find ladies of the night, Craigslist is usually the most unsafe. Get checked out ASAP. It would also be good to start documenting and coping those emails. If you do decide to file, having all that info will work to your advantage.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

So sorry you are here. Yes, I have personal experience in this. Please read my link at the bottom of the thread: My Story.

You can see how I chose to address similar behavior. I am not going to tell you what to do, only you can do that. You have to decide how you want to continue your life knowing what you now know.

Let me know if you have questions.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Solicits prostitutes = cheating, but having to pay for the privilege of being a low down, dirty dog.

Let's see... Counselling didn't work.

So, this time, why not try divorce?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are your children?

I think that you are most likely right that he's been doing this your entire marriage. 

Do the two of you have sex at all. It's unclear from what you wrote if you mean that he never initiates, only you do; or if you mean that you never have sex.

I agree with an STD test.

Have you talked to him about finding this new email? Do you feel that you have enough evidence to leave him?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Go ahead and file and move out or send him packing (if you don't want a new place). Probably better for the kids if they can stay in their own home, unless living with dad was a bad experience. Tell them in an age-appropriate way that he wasn't being faithful to the marriage, or else you wouldn't be leaving. They need to know that you're telling them the truth on why their lives are changing.


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## mmik87 (Nov 14, 2015)

Maybe try being a bit dirtier in bed n see if you can get his attention back lol


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

mmik87 said:


> Maybe try being a bit dirtier in bed n see if you can get his attention back lol


No one ever says this to a man when his wife cheats. 

If only it was this easy...


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

He could be a good father and just a sh!tty husband.. But it doesn't mean you have to live with it..

I would save this evidence.. So you don't have to fight with the 
*"OH, you're crazy and never let me forget what I did 7 years ago"*.. Pulling out a printed copy of that request is quick to shut anyone the fvck up, if its him or anyone on his side.. 

Further I can tell you from arresting many prostitutes in my 25 year career and also the men that visit them.. MANY do not use protection and MANY are diseased dirty savages.. 

Finally being with a prostitute is not a minor form of cheating.. Its fvcking CHEATING.. 

Women hold all the cards here.. Women can go fvck anyone they want.. Once you really, really realize that the world is your oyster.. 

What I can tell you being divorced is though being a man I am able to meet many many women better off than my Ex wife.. Today my GF is younger, better looking, makes more money and here is the big one.. Get ready.. 

She never cheated on me.. 

I never have to wonder if she is out fvcking someone else.. Mind you I do think that, but is only because I am pretty much dealing with a form of almost PTSD from my ex wife.. I was really traumatized and I am fighting real hard to get over it.. 

Your only issue is being cautious of losers that are out there as well.. So you have to be on your toes.. But if you read MMSLP ( Married Man Sex Life Primer ) you will learn a few things about being single and dating.. That info works for anyone man or woman.. 

I know your thinking the last thing I want to do right now is fvck someone else, let alone be with another man.. But I am telling you being divorced isn't all fvcking doom and gloom.. Many cool things open up but you need to do some homework and your life style has to change and you have to be open to it..

Not much to tell you about divorce... You will 90% of the time get the kids and he will pay you 25% of his gross income from his net in child support, plus a few other things.. Your issue might be if your a stay at home mom and have no real work skills.. If so you better screw your head on straight have get a real profession ASAP..

Don't look to be a doctor or a lawyer.. You need to find something with good money and short school.. EG Dental Hygienist, Xray Tech, Nurse, sonograms tech .. In NYC 40+ per hour jobs and take 3 to 4 years of school.

But if your gonna make excuses about not being able to do it or have the time because of the kids and just sit on your fat a$$ at home.. Well then don't expect the moon...


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## T1977 (Nov 13, 2015)

Thanks...I'm a professional and I make more than my husband. Everything else...okay...


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## T1977 (Nov 13, 2015)

My children are 13 and 10.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

where_are_we said:


> No one ever says this to a man when his wife cheats.
> 
> If only it was this easy...


Because the man would try...


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

spotthedeaddog said:


> Because the man would try...


And sometimes no matter how dirty the wife is willing to be or has been, he will still solicit prostitutes. 

My point being, this is not always about the spouse being unwilling to do certain things. This could go both ways gender wise.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

where_are_we said:


> And sometimes no matter how dirty the wife is willing to be or has been, he will still solicit prostitutes.
> 
> My point being, this is not always about the spouse being unwilling to do certain things. This could go both ways gender wise.


Once you're trying to win them back, you are disrespecting yourself and showing them they can walk all over you.

A man who solicits prostitutes has deeper problems. He could be arrested, lose his job, get and transmit an STD... Spicing it up ain't gonna fix someone who stoops to this level. And no matter how amazing their sex life was, if he was going to do this, he was going to do it, period.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

dignityhonorpride said:


> Once you're trying to win them back, you are disrespecting yourself and showing them they can walk all over you.
> 
> A man who solicits prostitutes has deeper problems. He could be arrested, lose his job, get and transmit an STD... Spicing it up ain't gonna fix someone who stoops to this level. And no matter how amazing their sex life was, if he was going to do this, he was going to do it, period.


Exactly! My ex husband risked arrest in a foreign country. How desperate does one have to be? He thought that I would never find out because it was across the ocean. The STDs??? What are they thinking. It's a sick individual I agree. Most normal people could find someone to have sex with them for free.


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## Am1104 (Nov 15, 2015)

I'd like to add that it sounds like his compulsion to have sex with prostitutes is stronger than his desire (or ability) to have a healthy relationship with you. 
Did the therapist ever mention sex addiction when you were in couples counseling? It's not an excuse, but like with drugs and alcohol, he might need to hit bottom to understand the damage his behavior has caused. 
If he doesn't have serious consequences for his actions, you may be indirectly enabling him and (in his mind) validating that his behavior isn't all *that* bad... and it'll continue. He needs individual therapy for whatever is skewing his priorities and impulses. He can't honestly feel good about the type of person he's become. 

And yeah...always good to test for STDs, even if there hasn't been any intimate contact in a long time. 

Hope you're able to find support from friends and family to help get through this.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

Am1104 said:


> I'd like to add that it sounds like his compulsion to have sex with prostitutes is stronger than his desire (or ability) to have a healthy relationship with you.
> Did the therapist ever mention sex addiction when you were in couples counseling? It's not an excuse, but like with drugs and alcohol, he might need to hit bottom to understand the damage his behavior has caused.
> If he doesn't have serious consequences for his actions, you may be indirectly enabling him and (in his mind) validating that his behavior isn't all *that* bad... and it'll continue. He needs individual therapy for whatever is skewing his priorities and impulses. He can't honestly feel good about the type of person he's become.
> 
> ...


This is a good point and thanks for bringing it up. I also want to caution the OP about the "addiction card." My husband was diagnosed with an impulse control problem....off label - a sex addict (because this is not a real diagnosis). He used this as an excuse for why he could not control himself and that I MUST forgive him because he is "sick" and he will not get better if the most important person to him (me) is not standing by his side and supporting him .

If I was so important to him why did he do this? I still left his sorry butt and you know that he still has not come entirely clean about what he's done. Things that I know about that he still denies. He continues to lack true remorse and clearly has not hit bottom. This is just MY story and does not mean that your husband will follow the same path. Just keep yours eyes open.


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

dignityhonorpride said:


> And no matter how amazing their sex life was, if he was going to do this, he was going to do it, period.


Agreed 100%.

I'm in the process of winding down a relationship with a man whom I recently learned is soliciting prostitutes (both male and female) online. He always says he's thrilled with our sex life, the best he's ever had it, blabla. Barring illness, we have sex at least once a day. I'm guessing he's a sex addict (compulsive hypersexuality). Doesn't matter how much you spice it up or how many times you have it if multiple, dirty partners is the real lure. I can only be one gender. For that reason alone I'll never be "enough".


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