# Husband chose to crash at a friend's house and party rather than come home with me!



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Let me preface this by saying my husband is turning 50 next year, but he acted like he was 20!

Two weekends ago we went to an anniversary/housewarming party. It's a friend of my husband and his wife. I was kind of dreading the party because H and this guy's wife sort of had it out a few years ago and then we never hung out anymore because it was really uncomfortable and she didn't want anything to do with him. Apparently they worked out their differences a few months ago and all is okay. This was the first time I had seen her in 2 years, while we had seen him a few times when he would come out without her. The night went pretty much as I had imagined it. The party was actually fun. They had brought in a DJ who was a high school friend of the guy and that made for a fun time. However, H was going to this party knowing he was going to party hard and most likely spend the night. I drove separately because he went right from work. The guy even sent out a message to everyone a few days prior to reserve a spot to sleep if they were staying over. H responded with "We probably will just go home but let me ask Mapper". I told him that I personally didn't want to spend the night. He responds back to the guy that I would probably poop out by midnight but he planned on partying all night. Okay we got to the party a little after 5PM and he thought I would last until midnight??!! I was ready to go about 10PM. At least H was coherent the whole night and attentive to me (whereas I thought he'd be drunk and totally ignoring me), but I said I was going to leave and he was okay with it but he goes "Well I wish you'd stay". Well I wish you'd come home with me like any other normal husband would do, but you are so dead set on partying that you won't. I was home and in bed by 11PM. He spent the night there and didn't show up back home until almost noon and he looked horrible. He said he was up until 3AM. So basically 10 hours of partying! Within 5 minutes of getting home, he puked in the bathroom, took a shower and then took a 4 hour nap. He spent the rest of the night on the couch feeling queasy. He knew this was going to be the outcome, but yet he STILL did it.

By the way, did I mention he's going to be 50?? And instead of come home with his wife at a somewhat decent hour, he just had to stay and party hard. How would you feel if your husband (or wife) chose to stay and party (after being there already 5 hours) knowing he was going to spend the night rather than come home with you?


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your husband is what he is. Are you here to just vent? It sounds like you don't like your husband and consider many of his behaviors immature. Could be your husband just doesn't like you that much either.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

It's very hard to reply because you don't give enough information.How often does he party,is it a regular thing or was this a once in a blue moon kind of thing.If he rarely does this then I think you're overreacting but as I said you haven't given enough information.The way you spoke to him is very telling though,he was enjoying himself and probably half drunk but you gave him a lecture.Hint.Don't go to parties if your not prepared to enjoy yourself,you could have got a taxi home or stayed but you were intent on playing the martyr and still are.


----------



## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

so he partied like a rock start.....i would say no big deal if this was a once in a blue moon thing. if this is a constant occurrence that's different.

you seem super offended though, like you are taking it personally that "he wanted to stay and party like he was 20 instead of coming home to me".......well he DID want to stay and party. why does that make you inferior to his wants? again...if this happens all the time that would be different.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree that if this is a one time, or very unusual thing, I would have no problem with it.


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> It's very hard to reply because you don't give enough information.How often does he party,is it a regular thing or was this a once in a blue moon kind of thing.If he rarely does this then I think you're overreacting but as I said you haven't given enough information.


He drinks at home EVERY night. Anywhere from a couple of beers or mixed drinks to an entire 6 pack or 1/2 a bottle of whiskey. When we go out for an evening he's the one who's ready to call it a night at 9 or 10PM when I might be having a good time, but I always go home with him no matter what. He'll say "I'm bored, lets go". No choice in the matter and if I told him I was spending the night somewhere rather than go home with him, he would be so mad. Then not to show up at home until noon the next day, he would be livid. But for some reason he feels it's no issue for him to stay up all night and party and spend the night and come home whenever the next day.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If there were pre-existing problems in the marriage, it would piss me off. If there weren't, I'd just internally roll my eyes at the drinking so much he was a waste case the whole next day.


----------



## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Mapper said:


> He drinks at home EVERY night. Anywhere from a couple of beers or mixed drinks to an entire 6 pack or 1/2 a bottle of whiskey. When we go out for an evening he's the one who's ready to call it a night at 9 or 10PM when I might be having a good time, but I always go home with him no matter what. He'll say "I'm bored, lets go". No choice in the matter and if I told him I was spending the night somewhere rather than go home with him, he would be so mad. Then not to show up at home until noon the next day, he would be livid. But for some reason he feels it's no issue for him to stay up all night and party and spend the night and come home whenever the next day.




As others have said, you have given little indication that your husband makes any kind of habit of staying out all night partying. It seems rare, so my advice is to get over it and don't nag him about it. In addition, you come off as extremely judgmental and condescending when you say "My husband is 50 but acted like he's 20" and then reiterate the age thing a couple times. I know many women who would love a husband who could cut loose once in a while. Some husbands act like they're 70 when they're 50, so at least he knows how to have a little fun once in a while. You even specifically stated that he didn't ignore you while you were there. This really doesn't seem all that bad...


The real issue that you need to address is the double standard in your marriage. It's not right for your husband to have a problem with you partying all night and returning home at noon the next day if he's willing to do just that. How is it that you have no choice but to leave events when he wants to go home and you do not? Do you ever discuss departure times beforehand in order to set expectations? Are there events you find interesting in which you'd be better off driving to separately (as you did with the party)?


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Just because we're 50 doesn't mean we stop letting our hair down and having a rocking good time!

That said, the frequency and quantity of alcohol consumption you describe could well be indicative of a chemical dependency problem. As a tell-tale sign, I'd be more concerned with how much he drinks alone at home than how late he's up partying.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Mapper said:


> By the way, did I mention he's going to be 50?? And instead of come home with his wife at a somewhat decent hour, he just had to stay and party hard. How would you feel if your husband (or wife) chose to stay and party (after being there already 5 hours) knowing he was going to spend the night rather than come home with you?


1) His age is irrelevant.

2) You sound very codependent.

3) He's an adult, he can do whatever he wants.



Mapper said:


> He drinks at home EVERY night. Anywhere from a couple of beers or mixed drinks to an entire 6 pack or 1/2 a bottle of whiskey


I'd be far more concerned about his liver instead of your ego because he let you go home alone.


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

So the guy had a rip-roaring good old time and paid for it the next day. What's the big deal?


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Oh there's many other things I didn't bring up, like him barely helping with the bills or mortgage, spending money on funding a video game and pot instead. Every paycheck he goes and takes $60 out of the ATM to buy pot. Leaving projects half finished around the house because he'd rather play video games and take naps then realizing he never really wanted to do the project in the first place but can't wait to start another one. Saying he'll take care of my car when there's an issue because he's a mechanic, but then getting exasperated when I ask him to listen to a weird noise it's making and then tell me "Well it could be this or this. You should take it to the dealer" rather than try and figure out the issue because taking a look at the problem would take time and he'd rather be doing something fun like video gaming. Meanwhile I have to go spend $200 for a part and labor that he could have done for $20.

He acts like a teenager who wants to party and not do adult things. He comes home from work complaining about his one coworker who is so lazy and does nothing and sometimes he won't go into work for days at a time because his coworker irritates him so much. He'll take a week off without pay and might call in once the entire time. Yet goes back and doesn't get fired for not being there. He'll complain endlessly about his lazy coworkers, but does he not see is is just as lazy at home?? Meanwhile I clean the house, do the yardwork, buy groceries, pay the bills.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mapper said:


> Oh there's many other things I didn't bring up, like him barely helping with the bills or mortgage, spending money on funding a video game and pot instead. Every paycheck he goes and takes $60 out of the ATM to buy pot. Leaving projects half finished around the house because he'd rather play video games and take naps then realizing he never really wanted to do the project in the first place but can't wait to start another one. Saying he'll take care of my car when there's an issue because he's a mechanic, but then getting exasperated when I ask him to listen to a weird noise it's making and then tell me "Well it could be this or this. You should take it to the dealer" rather than try and figure out the issue because taking a look at the problem would take time and he'd rather be doing something fun like video gaming. Meanwhile I have to go spend $200 for a part and labor that he could have done for $20.
> 
> He acts like a teenager who wants to party and not do adult things. He comes home from work complaining about his one coworker who is so lazy and does nothing and sometimes he won't go into work for days at a time because his coworker irritates him so much. He'll take a week off without pay and might call in once the entire time. Yet goes back and doesn't get fired for not being there. He'll complain endlessly about his lazy coworkers, but does he not see is is just as lazy at home?? Meanwhile I clean the house, do the yardwork, buy groceries, pay the bills.


So, now we are getting to the real point, here.

If your husband acted like a real husband, the overnight party would have not been that much of a problem, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back?

And someone who decides he will deal with a lazy coworker by lazing around at home for a week is a joke, to be honest.

How long has he been like this?

Do you have children?

Would counselling help?


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Now this is starting to sound alot like the staying out all night drinking was just the tip of the iceberg. You are upset about alot of other things to. Why are bills and mortgage always assimilated with men? Shouldn't both in the marriage contribute equally? My wife contributes nothing to bills mortgage, cleaning, cooking or anything though this seems perfectly ok to most. If it's ok for a woman to contribute nothing why is it not ok for a man to do the same?


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Mapper said:


> He drinks at home EVERY night. Anywhere from a couple of beers or mixed drinks to an entire 6 pack or 1/2 a bottle of whiskey. When we go out for an evening he's the one who's ready to call it a night at 9 or 10PM when I might be having a good time, but I always go home with him no matter what. He'll say "I'm bored, lets go". No choice in the matter and if I told him I was spending the night somewhere rather than go home with him, he would be so mad. Then not to show up at home until noon the next day, he would be livid. But for some reason he feels it's no issue for him to stay up all night and party and spend the night and come home whenever the next day.


And now we are getting to the crux of the matter. When you can the time, sit him down or better still go for a walk with him and bring up exactly what you said here. How would he feel if you stayed on. If he says (i suspect he will) that he has no issues, then take him up on the offer and stay over with friends etc.

You have another issue which is his reliance on alcohol, sounds like he might be a problem drinker.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Hi, Mapper, back to vent again or are you ready to do something real about that alcoholic teenager you married?


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> Now this is starting to sound alot like the staying out all night drinking was just the tip of the iceberg. You are upset about alot of other things to. Why are bills and mortgage always assimilated with men? Shouldn't both in the marriage contribute equally? My wife contributes nothing to bills mortgage, cleaning, cooking or anything though this seems perfectly ok to most. If it's ok for a woman to contribute nothing why is it not ok for a man to do the same?


Your wife doesn't contribute to anything??? Not the bills, the cleaning or the cooking? Wow, she's living la Vida Loca just like my husband is! So does she just sit around eating bon bons all day? Marriage is supposed to be an equal thing. I can't imagine not contributing my half to anything, not helping out around the house. Those who don't contribute anything are L-A-Z-Y. Your wife and my husband included!


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Hi, Mapper, back to vent again or are you ready to do something real about that alcoholic teenager you married?


Nope, just here to vent, thanks!


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Meh, if it's a one off thing, no worries. I wouldn't care. But, I'm not you. So it's not for me to apply what I would think, onto you. If you were bothered by it, if you made it clear that it would upset you if he didn't come home, and he still insisted on staying...then, I can see why you're upset. (I'm just saying, I wouldn't be.)


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> So, now we are getting to the real point, here.
> 
> If your husband acted like a real husband, the overnight party would have not been that much of a problem, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back?
> 
> ...


He's been like this for years. Anytime a coworker or customer pisses him off he will not go to work for days or even weeks. At his previous union job he was out once for 3 weeks straight without pay, barely calling in and he never got fired. Moved to his new job over a year ago and was fine at first, but then started taking a day off, then it would turn into 3 days, one time it was a week. Same thing, doesn't call in and yet never gets fired. Even tells me they were cool with it. Of course he won't tell me the real reason he won't go in and makes up excuse after excuse like he threw out his back, his stomach is upset, his neck hurts, he has had the poops all night, he barely slept. He sounds like a 10 year old who doesn't want to go to school! In the end when he finally does go back he will come home and go "Well I think they got the point that I'm upset with so and so and maybe they'll do something about it". Yeah, you showed them!

No kids between us, but he's got a 19 yr old daughter who he barely sees or talks to. They went through a really bad patch a couple of years ago but seem okay now.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

After reading more of what you posted Mapper, maybe your husband needs to grow up? lol


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> After reading more of what you posted Mapper, maybe your husband needs to grow up? lol


Yeah, ya think?! :wink2:


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Mapper said:


> Yeah, ya think?! :wink2:


Is he amazing in other ways though?? lol :scratchhead:


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Edo Edo said:


> The real issue that you need to address is the double standard in your marriage. It's not right for your husband to have a problem with you partying all night and returning home at noon the next day if he's willing to do just that. How is it that you have no choice but to leave events when he wants to go home and you do not? Do you ever discuss departure times beforehand in order to set expectations? Are there events you find interesting in which you'd be better off driving to separately (as you did with the party)?


Wait, I've never stayed out all night partying. Where did you get that idea from??? I said there are times when I'm having fun and he gets bored and wants to leave by 10PM and I go with him. I would NEVER stay out without him. I find that rude and degrading that someone would choose to party over going home with their spouse. I said that if the tables were turned and I did that, he would be furious. Probably accuse me of staying to hang out with another guy or something. And there's no discussing anything with him. He'll tell me before we leave that he wants to make it an early night but then start having fun and want to stay out until 2AM. Nothing is a for sure with him until it happens.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

But, if he's been this way for most of the marriage, you've accepted it. And that's all he knows. You accept it. Maybe you accept it to avoid an argument, but you accept it nonetheless. It's probably hard to change the dynamic now, when he's used to you just getting mad, he does what he wants, and then the next day it all gets forgotten.


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> But, if he's been this way for most of the marriage, you've accepted it. And that's all he knows. You accept it. Maybe you accept it to avoid an argument, but you accept it nonetheless. It's probably hard to change the dynamic now, when he's used to you just getting mad, he does what he wants, and then the next day it all gets forgotten.


Yeah you're right. I just accept it because I don't want to rock the boat. I hate confrontation.


----------



## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Mapper said:


> Wait, I've never stayed out all night partying. Where did you get that idea from??? I said there are times when I'm having fun and he gets bored and wants to leave by 10PM and I go with him. I would NEVER stay out without him. I find that rude and degrading that someone would choose to party over going home with their spouse. I said that if the tables were turned and I did that, he would be furious. Probably accuse me of staying to hang out with another guy or something. And there's no discussing anything with him. He'll tell me before we leave that he wants to make it an early night but then start having fun and want to stay out until 2AM. Nothing is a for sure with him until it happens.



That's the point I was making. If you engaged in the same behavior, he would be furious. I didn't mean to infer that you actually did. Be mad at the double standard he's engaging in. That is the aspect of his behavior that is most disrespectful. If and when this attitude of his changes, a lot of the other one-off incidents that make you angry will start to go away too.

But don't get hung up on one incident, which by your own description, was not that bad of an example. He was engaging with you and enjoyed your company at the party. Your original complaint of "he's 50 and acting like 20" and "coming home the next day" could also be viewed as "he chose to spend the night there instead of driving home drunk." Etc...


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Mapper said:


> He drinks at home EVERY night. Anywhere from a couple of beers or mixed drinks to an entire 6 pack or 1/2 a bottle of whiskey. When we go out for an evening he's the one who's ready to call it a night at 9 or 10PM when I might be having a good time, but I always go home with him no matter what. He'll say "I'm bored, lets go". No choice in the matter and if I told him I was spending the night somewhere rather than go home with him, he would be so mad. Then t to show up at home until noon the next day, he would be livid. But for some reason he feels it's no issue for him to stay up all night and party and spend the night and come home whenever the next day.


This is the fool you've been complaining about for years on several different message boards. He's immature, has no ambition, doesn't think twice about quitting a job without having another one lined up, spends more time on Disability than actually working, has a huge drinking problem, makes ignorant childish choices, has a lazy princess of a daughter he over-indulges because he's clueless as to how to be a real father, and the list just goes on and on.

Why you *continue *to be surprised every time he acts like the irresponsible man-child he IS is truly a mystery to me.

Besides, you''re not looking for advice.. You're just doing your usual 'venting' to stir up the pot so fools like myself will post the same thing in response that I've posted for years about this guy - that he's a complete waste of skin and hair.

Same ****, different flies.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Mapper said:


> Oh there's many other things I didn't bring up, like him barely helping with the bills or mortgage, spending money on funding a video game and pot instead. Every paycheck he goes and takes $60 out of the ATM to buy pot. Leaving projects half finished around the house because he'd rather play video games and take naps then realizing he never really wanted to do the project in the first place but can't wait to start another one. Saying he'll take care of my car when there's an issue because he's a mechanic, but then getting exasperated when I ask him to listen to a weird noise it's making and then tell me "Well it could be this or this. You should take it to the dealer" rather than try and figure out the issue because taking a look at the problem would take time and he'd rather be doing something fun like video gaming. Meanwhile I have to go spend $200 for a part and labor that he could have done for $20.
> 
> He acts like a teenager who wants to party and not do adult things. He comes home from work complaining about his one coworker who is so lazy and does nothing and sometimes he won't go into work for days at a time because his coworker irritates him so much. He'll take a week off without pay and might call in once the entire time. Yet goes back and doesn't get fired for not being there. He'll complain endlessly about his lazy coworkers, but does he not see is is just as lazy at home?? Meanwhile I clean the house, do the yardwork, buy groceries, pay the bills.


So, why are you with him if he's so immature and all these things bother you? 

You vent about his partying as an opener, but really that's not the crux of the actual issue, and only once people defend his desire for an occasional good time, you open up the floodgates. Part of marriage is clear communication and part of receiving help and advice here follows the same principle. 

You clearly have expectations he isn't going to meet, he clearly doesn't fit your idea of what you need in a husband. 

So, what are you going to do about it?


----------



## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Sounds like a fun party. I hope that he had fun. I hope that I can party like he does when I'm 50!


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

if he is doing this once in a great while, give him a frigin break. He wants to go partying, and does not need a nagging wife at home playing his mom. 

And he might have stayed not wanting to drive while drunk.


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

She has stated that she is only here to vent and has no real interest in doing anything about it. So, no need to keep feeding the beast. Clearly, she is getting something out of the situation, otherwise she would do something to change it. She gets no sympathy from me and I dare say she deserves none from anyone.


----------



## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Mapper said:


> He drinks at home EVERY night. Anywhere from a couple of beers or mixed drinks to an entire 6 pack or 1/2 a bottle of whiskey. When we go out for an evening he's the one who's ready to call it a night at 9 or 10PM when I might be having a good time, but I always go home with him no matter what. He'll say "I'm bored, lets go". No choice in the matter and if I told him I was spending the night somewhere rather than go home with him, he would be so mad. Then not to show up at home until noon the next day, he would be livid. But for some reason he feels it's no issue for him to stay up all night and party and spend the night and come home whenever the next day.


It sounds like you're angry not because he had a good time, but because when you're having a good time he's not also having a good time. It sounds like you want to punish him for "ruining" a couple of your nights by making you leave early? Just let this one go. Not a hill I'd want to die on. Just be clear the next time you're out and YOU'RE having a good time that you'r enot going home if you don't want to


----------



## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

You don't sound like his wife, you sound like his mum, the guy only wanted to go out and have a good time...........

.......but then reading your subsequent posts, it's sounds like he's a child. So, I guess, fair do's.


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Magnesium said:


> She has stated that she is only here to vent and has no real interest in doing anything about it. So, no need to keep feeding the beast. Clearly, she is getting something out of the situation, otherwise she would do something to change it. She gets no sympathy from me and I dare say she deserves none from anyone.


I TOTALLY agree! I'm not looking for an ounce of sympathy. Not even a tiny bit. Simply looking for a place to vent my anger and if people want to respond, have at it. If not, then you can move along


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Mapper said:


> Your wife doesn't contribute to anything??? Not the bills, the cleaning or the cooking? Wow, she's living la Vida Loca just like my husband is! So does she just sit around eating bon bons all day? Marriage is supposed to be an equal thing. I can't imagine not contributing my half to anything, not helping out around the house. Those who don't contribute anything are L-A-Z-Y. Your wife and my husband included!


Yes, contributes nothing at all. I'm sorry to hear that your spouse is just as much of a deadbeat as mine.


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Mapper said:


> I TOTALLY agree! I'm not looking for an ounce of sympathy. Not even a tiny bit. Simply looking for a place to vent my anger and if people want to respond, have at it. If not, then you can move along


Beginning to understand your husband's desire to escape through drugs and alcohol!

Carry on ...


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Oh and lets add this to his laziness! He sends me a message about 15 minutes before I get off of work yesterday asking me to stop and pick up some stuffing for something he wanted to make. He tells me "You know the cornbread stuffing we always get". I know exactly what it is. I stop at a store and the only stuffing they have is chicken flavored Stove Top. Hes not a fan of Stove Top, and it's not the cornbread kind so I go to another store across the street which is sort of a specialty store and can't find any kind of stuffing. So I leave there and drive a few miles and stop at yet another store. At this one they don't have the brand he likes but they do have Stove Top cornbread stuffing. I've been at 3 stores and I'm not going to stop at any more to get this stuffing. I call him, knowing full well his phone is in his backpack where it always is and he won't answer. Nope doesn't answer. I just get the damn Stove Top and go home.

Keep in mind he was off of work yesterday. He could have gone up to the store 5 minutes from home and got that stuffing at any point during the day, but he couldn't be bothered to get out of his pajamas or leave his video game. I pull in the driveway 45 minutes later than usual due to having to stop at all these stores and he goes "Oh there you are. I was wondering where you were". I give him the stuffing and he goes "Really? Stove Top? You fail!" I just about said "F*** You" You asked me to do this for you because you couldn't be bothered to step out the front door on your day off and I stop at 3 stores looking for your damn stuffing, you don't bother to have your phone by you EVER in case I need to call you and ask you about something and then I come home and you berate me for getting the "wrong" stuffing??!!

God forbid I ever ask him to grab anything on his way home from work because I hear about it the moment he walks in the door. He gets off 2 hours after I do and wants to come home. If I get home and realize we're out of milk and ask him to stop on his way home to grab some he comes in like he just did the biggest favor of my life by getting the milk. That is why I never ask him to do simple things like that for me. Now if I see we are out of milk after getting home, I will go up to the store myself and get it so I'm not indebted to him for the rest of the night for doing that for me. But I come home after going to 3 stores to find your precious stuffing and I get a "You fail", you'd better believe I'm pissed off!


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Magnesium said:


> Beginning to understand your husband's desire to escape through drugs and alcohol!
> 
> Carry on ...


 Oh but you don't see me at home with him. I never nag him, I let him do what he wants. Run all the errands, pay all the bills and don't tell him he has to help at all. He's got the best life. He tells me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. On the off chance that I do simply mention a project that hasn't been completed for a year then he gets mad, so I back off.

So trust me, he has no idea I even THINK about the things I write here :x


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Mapper said:


> Oh but you don't see me at home with him. I never nag him, I let him do what he wants. Run all the errands, pay all the bills and don't tell him he has to help at all. He's got the best life. He tells me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. On the off chance that I do simply mention a project that hasn't been completed for a year then he gets mad, so I back off.
> 
> So trust me, he has no idea I even THINK about the things I write here :x



Wah, wah, wah...

You're talking in circles and sound a bit unhinged.

You should talk to a counselor and figure out why you tolerate a situation and a man you clearly hold such contempt for. 

Best of luck to ya


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Magnesium said:


> Wah, wah, wah...
> 
> You're talking in circles and sound a bit unhinged.
> 
> ...


I know riiiiiiiiiiight??!!! Kisses Mag:x Love ya:grin2:


----------



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Big deal, at least you knew where he was and what he was doing. About a month ago, my wife walked across the street to talk to some neighbors after we came home from the market. Apparently she was there drinking wine with a group till 2am. I don't know because I went to bed at 11pm because we both had to work the next day. 

The point being, just because your spouse chooses to make a decision and do something different without you, doesn't mean it's the end of a marriage.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Mapper said:


> Oh and lets add this to his laziness! He sends me a message about 15 minutes before I get off of work yesterday asking me to stop and pick up some stuffing for something he wanted to make. He tells me "You know the cornbread stuffing we always get". I know exactly what it is. I stop at a store and the only stuffing they have is chicken flavored Stove Top. Hes not a fan of Stove Top, and it's not the cornbread kind so I go to another store across the street which is sort of a specialty store and can't find any kind of stuffing. So I leave there and drive a few miles and stop at yet another store. At this one they don't have the brand he likes but they do have Stove Top cornbread stuffing. I've been at 3 stores and I'm not going to stop at any more to get this stuffing. I call him, knowing full well his phone is in his backpack where it always is and he won't answer. Nope doesn't answer. I just get the damn Stove Top and go home.
> 
> Keep in mind he was off of work yesterday. He could have gone up to the store 5 minutes from home and got that stuffing at any point during the day, but he couldn't be bothered to get out of his pajamas or leave his video game. I pull in the driveway 45 minutes later than usual due to having to stop at all these stores and he goes "Oh there you are. I was wondering where you were". I give him the stuffing and he goes "Really? Stove Top? You fail!" I just about said "F*** You" You asked me to do this for you because you couldn't be bothered to step out the front door on your day off and I stop at 3 stores looking for your damn stuffing, you don't bother to have your phone by you EVER in case I need to call you and ask you about something and then I come home and you berate me for getting the "wrong" stuffing??!!
> 
> God forbid I ever ask him to grab anything on his way home from work because I hear about it the moment he walks in the door. He gets off 2 hours after I do and wants to come home. If I get home and realize we're out of milk and ask him to stop on his way home to grab some he comes in like he just did the biggest favor of my life by getting the milk. That is why I never ask him to do simple things like that for me. Now if I see we are out of milk after getting home, I will go up to the store myself and get it so I'm not indebted to him for the rest of the night for doing that for me. But I come home after going to 3 stores to find your precious stuffing and I get a "You fail", you'd better believe I'm pissed off!


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Mapper said:


> Oh but you don't see me at home with him. I never nag him, I let him do what he wants. Run all the errands, pay all the bills and don't tell him he has to help at all. He's got the best life. He tells me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. On the off chance that I do simply mention a project that hasn't been completed for a year then he gets mad, so I back off.
> 
> So trust me, he has no idea I even THINK about the things I write here :x


This guy must have a magic prick...he's f**king you so good you can't think straight.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

You treat him like a child- of course he's going to act like a child. Three separate stores for stuffing? Oh brother. You're enabling his infantile behavior.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

We learn in Al-Anon that we are just as sick and crazy as the alcoholic. I know I turned into something I didn't like. I had to walk out and take control of my own life and leave the addict to his.

You are a perfect example of what happens with years of exposure to this insanity. It's sad and it's a waste of time and life.

Best of luck. I hope you eventually seek the real help you need.


----------



## Moliverna (Apr 9, 2017)

Mapper said:


> Let me preface this by saying my husband is turning 50 next year, but he acted like he was 20!
> 
> Two weekends ago we went to an anniversary/housewarming party. It's a friend of my husband and his wife. I was kind of dreading the party because H and this guy's wife sort of had it out a few years ago and then we never hung out anymore because it was really uncomfortable and she didn't want anything to do with him. Apparently they worked out their differences a few months ago and all is okay. This was the first time I had seen her in 2 years, while we had seen him a few times when he would come out without her. The night went pretty much as I had imagined it. The party was actually fun. They had brought in a DJ who was a high school friend of the guy and that made for a fun time. However, H was going to this party knowing he was going to party hard and most likely spend the night. I drove separately because he went right from work. The guy even sent out a message to everyone a few days prior to reserve a spot to sleep if they were staying over. H responded with "We probably will just go home but let me ask Mapper". I told him that I personally didn't want to spend the night. He responds back to the guy that I would probably poop out by midnight but he planned on partying all night. Okay we got to the party a little after 5PM and he thought I would last until midnight??!! I was ready to go about 10PM. At least H was coherent the whole night and attentive to me (whereas I thought he'd be drunk and totally ignoring me), but I said I was going to leave and he was okay with it but he goes "Well I wish you'd stay". Well I wish you'd come home with me like any other normal husband would do, but you are so dead set on partying that you won't. I was home and in bed by 11PM. He spent the night there and didn't show up back home until almost noon and he looked horrible. He said he was up until 3AM. So basically 10 hours of partying! Within 5 minutes of getting home, he puked in the bathroom, took a shower and then took a 4 hour nap. He spent the rest of the night on the couch feeling queasy. He knew this was going to be the outcome, but yet he STILL did it.
> 
> By the way, did I mention he's going to be 50?? And instead of come home with his wife at a somewhat decent hour, he just had to stay and party hard. How would you feel if your husband (or wife) chose to stay and party (after being there already 5 hours) knowing he was going to spend the night rather than come home with you?


Are you worried he's going to cheat on you or do you just not like him partying all night? If it's one night a year I say cut him some slack. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------

