# Housework



## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

Hey guys, how much housework do you do? I've been doing a lot more lately, not to impress my wife at all. I don't expect anything from her for doing it.

However, I think it's a change of attitude.

"This is my house too. Those are my clothes. Those are my dishes. That is my kitchen floor." As an adult, if I was living on my own, I would have to take care of these things anyways. So why do I expect my wife to do it all?

I think doing housework is more about being in tune to what's happening around you. What I've found is that if I just actually start doing that stuff without asking first, she doesn't keep score anymore.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Do some, a bit of laundry but always get wife to sort out loads and which setting to put the washing machine on. I had an unfortunate incident with a yellow duster and some white sheets years ago.

Hang out the washing and fold it (she always refolds it as 'I do it wrong'

Most of the cooking, and some tidying.

It is my house too why shouldn't I help look after it?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm a homemaker so that changes what my husband does.

He helps with dinner, dishes, wipes off counters/table, sweeps/vacuums occasionally and is great about picking up after himself. I do the rest.

He only pitches in more if say company is coming.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

I find that doing the dishes and cleaning in my fashion causes far more grief than if I do nothing. 

So, when she's gone, I take short periods of time regularly and get stuff done - dishes, cleaning, laundry, floors, bathroom, etc - based on what I think needs done at that time. When she's home, I'd rather not do any of it, because no matter what it is I do, I get yelled at and then she re-does it because it's not "done right" and I get a lot of sullen, angry treatment.


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## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

Do it anyways. Don't be intimidated by her bs. And if she really gets pissy, tell her that she's free to move into a place of her own if she doesn't like how you take care of your house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

ManUp said:


> Do it anyways. Don't be intimidated by her bs. And if she really gets pissy, tell her that she's free to move into a place of her own if she doesn't like how you take care of your house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So, you're saying divorce her.


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## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

No...but why put up with rude and demeaning behaviour. You're quite capable of cleaning dishes and doing laundry all by yourself. Like an adult.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

ManUp said:


> No...but why put up with rude and demeaning behaviour. You're quite capable of cleaning dishes and doing laundry all by yourself. Like an adult.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand. I'm trying to make the point that the WAY you suggested dealing with it would mean my bags packed and divorce papers filed in that order and immediacy. 

It might work for some, but that's not an option for her. 

If there's one thing I'm sure of... That the things she does and her loudest and most angry nagging... Have little to do with what the problems are. And asking what the problem is doesn't yield much useful information, either. Because she'll respond with the present irritants, which are only irritants because there's some other, unexpressed, overriding matter that's really the culprit.

She's been that way her whole life. The loudest complaints, the things she expresses the greatest anger about are never the real issues. Gads. It took me nearly 20 years to learn it, too.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I do my fair share. I never expected my wife to do it all and never will. She does more, but I always do what I can when I can. And when we get along great like we are now (and that includes more sex), I tend to take it upon myself to wash every dish and cup that is there.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Since seperating I have to do freakin everything... *sighs*
Need to employ a maid or something, hate it! But I know that if I don't get it done then it's just going to stare at my face the next day so ACK!

Life sux, if reconciliation isn't possible I don't see why I should keep this house, it's too big. It'll definitely impress future prospects however


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> I do my fair share. I never expected my wife to do it all and never will. She does more, but I always do what I can when I can. And when we get along great like we are now (and that includes more sex), I tend to take it upon myself to wash every dish and cup that is there.


I can understand that. I kinda felt this way, but you know, attitudes change, for a lot of reasons. I'm now faced with trying to put these things back together. 

One of the things I would rather do, is to do them WITH HER. But she makes it impossible. If I go to the kitchen to help with cleanup, no matter what part I start on, she'll get mad and kick me out (or I leave, because I refuse to tolerate the behavior) for not doing it right. I'm too slow, don't load the dishwasher right, put dishes in the wrong sink... Use the wrong cleaner (she's totally anal about kitchen cleaners and will rarely use one, wants me to spend all day scrubbing rather than use an effective cleaner), etc ,etc. Then she gets mad because I'm not helping. 

She never says it, but this is the description: "I want you to help me, and I want you do it my way, the way I want, and what I want - ONLY."


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## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

Yeah, that does make it harder to do more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

oldgeezer said:


> I can understand that. I kinda felt this way, but you know, attitudes change, for a lot of reasons. I'm now faced with trying to put these things back together.
> 
> One of the things I would rather do, is to do them WITH HER. But she makes it impossible. If I go to the kitchen to help with cleanup, no matter what part I start on, she'll get mad and kick me out (or I leave, because I refuse to tolerate the behavior) for not doing it right. I'm too slow, don't load the dishwasher right, put dishes in the wrong sink... Use the wrong cleaner (she's totally anal about kitchen cleaners and will rarely use one, wants me to spend all day scrubbing rather than use an effective cleaner), etc ,etc. Then she gets mad because I'm not helping.
> 
> She never says it, but this is the description: "I want you to help me, and I want you do it my way, the way I want, and what I want - ONLY."


I am guilty of this behavior. My poor H feels as if he can't win. I am OCD but, it isn't an excuse. I've been trying to let him do things his own way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> I am guilty of this behavior. My poor H feels as if he can't win. I am OCD but, it isn't an excuse. I've been trying to let him do things his own way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't possibly count the number of times I've walked out the front door or gotten out of earshot while I'm mumbling to myself about getting her OCD under control. 

The thing is, the first few times it was purely a gut reaction, where I didn't say "Hey, this looks like OCD behavior", it was just venting my anger. 

Really, she does have some level of OCD or OCD "ish" behaviors. 

Especially when she started complaining that I need to do various things because they cause her anxiety, among them was getting the right dishes on the right shelf. 

Then again, at times I think this is a response to her need for security expressing itself as attempts to control "something", because our lives for so long have been utter chaos in many aspects.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> I am guilty of this behavior. My poor H feels as if he can't win. I am OCD but, it isn't an excuse. I've been trying to let him do things his own way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I can't tell you the number of times I'm off somewhere trying to burn off my frustration screaming to myself "I can't win!" 

Took me quite a while to start addressing what "win" was and why I viewed it as winning a conflict or contest. I'm still unsure, really. I just realized that sometimes my gut tells me what the analytical side cant' locate.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

OCD is a "control" thing. I learned in therapy that I clean obsessively due to my traumatic childhood. I had no control over what happened to me but, I can control the cleanliness of my house. I also have things that go in a specific order. I also have to have 3 of certain items i.e. Shampoo, body wash, etc. I also get uptight if we have less than 12 rolls of toilet tissue...lol 

It is on your W though to get her issues under control. You have my sympathy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

My husband and I have our division of chores that works for us. We both work full-time. He's the main chef in our home, runs to the store for supplies, takes care of the maintenance type things, cleans the bathroom weekly, and does more with the dogs than me.

I pay the bills, change the bed linen weekly, do laundry, vacuum, mop and dust.

When we first moved in together, being young, I was writing lists of chores to be done. I remember returning home a few months in, and he told me to quit it with the lists lol. He said if he saw another list he'd throw it away. He said he knew what needed to be done. That was the last list I wrote lol. We both share in responsibilities in what works best for us.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I do almost all of the housework and yes we both work full time. It is to the point that women I work with are jealous and say they wish they could get their husband to help around the house.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Hubby does some laundry and does help with the dishes. He also makes dinner quite often which I love! He handles all the finances and what little yard work there is.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ManUp said:


> *"This is my house too. Those are my clothes. Those are my dishes. That is my kitchen floor."* As an adult, if I was living on my own, I would have to take care of these things anyways. So why do I expect my wife to do it all?
> .


:iagree: and that's correct!
In our house,
I control the kitchen, hence I do most of the cooking.
Today's menu:
_Baked potatoes.
Baked Salmon,[ Italian Style], Brown Rice & Red Beans.
_
I do the dishes. [ Sometimes ]

I do ALL of the laundry, both hers and mine.
I shop for the groceries.

She does the cleaning , and whatever else I didn't get to do.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

I think what is most important is that you assume a leadership role in doing the housework, not an assistant role. If she sees you as an assistant it will be bad for the sex life and relationship.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

oldgeezer said:


> One of the things I would rather do, is to do them WITH HER. But she makes it impossible.


I read an interesting research paper where they determined that men prefer to work together with their partner on a task and women prefer to do something else while their partner does the whole task themselves.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Geezer, 
You may understand networking and physics, but when it comes to relationships you have a bit of a blind spot. 

No one is saying to divorce her. We are saying you must stand up for yourself. She doesn't get to yell at you for helping. And you need to be firm with her - when she does that. 

This isn't hard. Lots of books at the library including the gentle art of verbal self defense.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

ManUp said:


> Hey guys, how much housework do you do? I've been doing a lot more lately, not to impress my wife at all. I don't expect anything from her for doing it.
> 
> However, I think it's a change of attitude.
> 
> ...


I can tell you that my husband largely has this attitude, too, and I greatly appreciate it. I think it helps that he was a bachelor living alone for many years before we got together, so he was accustomed to taking care of himself before I came along. And honestly, the attitude of taking ownership/responsibility is one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. 

I suffer big time from anxiety problems (currently in therapy/medication for it) and I can tell you that I am not always graceful about housework. We usually dont disagree on HOW to do things, it's more a matter of disagreeing on the timeline in which they should get done. When the house is very disorganized and out of place, my anxiety rises to an intolerable level and I feel the need to declutter and clean. It's not OCD - as in, everything has a certain place - it's more like making sure everything is not laying out in chaos. And we have two small children so it does not take much for it to look like a hurricane has blown through the house. We both work full time, and I like coming home to a mostly picked-up house, so that means sometimes I get into fits where I must have everything picked up, dishes out of the sink, kitchen wiped down, laundry put away before I can relax enough to go to sleep for the night. 

My husband is much more normal - and has no trouble leaving all of that until a more reasonable time, say the next day when we get home from work, and he gets upset when I go into a tizzy trying to get everything done at midnight when he wants to relax and go to sleep. He is not the type who can leave me to do all the work either, so he ends up pitching in because he feels guilty sitting back while I do all of the work. I also suffer from some other undiagnosed health problems that make it very difficult for me to do physical work for long periods of time, so when my anxiety takes over he can see that I am physically in pain and exhausted yet cannot stop myself from running around and cleaning up. He is a very kind and patient man. I try to make sure he knows it, and how much I appreciate his putting up with me and my craziness. I am hoping that with the therapy and medication I can get myself under control a bit more.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I read recently that this a big reason people divorce. One person in the relationship feels the other is not pulling their weight with housekeeping. I know it touches home for me. I am a clean freak and my wife is the totally opposite. She is a stay at home mom and I always asked her to help out more. I hear people say stop cleaning then, I have tried, nothing gets done. I fight a losing battle.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I do the dishes, cook dinner, make breakfast. clean the house, keep the garage and patio tidy and clean, maintain automodbiles myself, pay the bills and do the finances......can't think of much more there is to do??? wife handles the laundry (takes it to wash & fold place lol) and puts it away and does the bath for my daughter. We split bedtime duty.

yeah, I does it all  

but then again I work from home and my wife has a 45 min commute and usually also handles daycar pickup/dropoff.

Regardless. it all comes down to if you have time and there is something to do....you DO IT. If the one person is busy, the other picks up the slack. We are both pretty good in that regard.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

We both work and currently the wife is working on her graduate degree so I do more which is understandable and we have a house keeper come in once a week the DDs help me alot i do have to bribe them with an allowance but it works


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Right now, she's in college. I do 90% of it.

In the summer I was working 75 hrs a week. She did 90% of it.

We flip flop all the time based on who's the busiest and we both like a tidy home. We never seem to both be working 40 hours a week at the same time. Maybe one day and then we'll be bumping into one another. :lol:


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ManUp said:


> Hey guys, how much housework do you do?


Not nearly as much as I should do. I abhor housework, always have. My mother taught me how to do it well, so at least I do know to do it when I do. My wife and I definitely have an "unfair" balance between us there. Not saying it's right, but just being honest about where we are on this matter.

The goal is to proceed toward the financial point of being able to pay someone else to do it.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

In_The_Wind said:


> We both work and currently the wife is working on her graduate degree so I do more which is understandable and we have a house keeper come in once a week the DDs help me alot i do have to bribe them with an allowance but it works


So you both work and she is working on a degree and you do more. What an amazing concept.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

we both work full time, we both dirty the house, we both share in dealing with a pre-teen and a teenager. So sure, it just is what one does, pitch in. It is not as if there is a list we have, you do this and I do that. Sometimes I cook and then she cleans up, sometimes, she cooks and I clean up, sometime we both cook and clean up. We have slowly got the kiddos involved in pulling their weight, so less of the burden falls squarely on us. This is true with all the other chores. Even my oldest son who has a disability is expected to pitch in and he does. This does not mean we have an immaculate house, but we came to an agreement that this is one thing we should not fight about. We just do our best at maintaining a healthy and clean house, physically, mentally and spiritually - _Malama pono_. 

The only thing I don't do (by wife's request), laundry. As I have said before, anyone interested in a pink shirt?


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## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> .......... We are saying you must stand up for yourself. She doesn't get to yell at you for helping. And you need to be firm with her - when she does that.
> 
> This isn't hard. Lots of books at the library including *the gentle art of verbal self defense*.


This is the first time I saw a reference to the book above. That sounds like an important read for a lot of guys here at TAM.

Not much has it been said here. Hasn't anyone find this book of importance?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

gbrad said:


> So you both work and she is working on a degree and you do more. What an amazing concept.


Yes its called stepping up she works full time and then works on her masters at nite , when I was getting my MBA she did the same for me I guess that's how we have made it over 12 years married team does mean more than one
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

drerio said:


> we both work full time, we both dirty the house, we both share in dealing with a pre-teen and a teenager. So sure, it just is what one does, pitch in. It is not as if there is a list we have, you do this and I do that. Sometimes I cook and then she cleans up, sometimes, she cooks and I clean up, sometime we both cook and clean up. We have slowly got the kiddos involved in pulling their weight, so less of the burden falls squarely on us. This is true with all the other chores. Even my oldest son who has a disability is expected to pitch in and he does. This does not mean we have an immaculate house, but we came to an agreement that this is one thing we should not fight about. We just do our best at maintaining a healthy and clean house, physically, mentally and spiritually - _Malama pono_.
> 
> The only thing I don't do (by wife's request), laundry. As I have said before, anyone interested in a pink shirt?


D recently I have got to do some laundry LOL i learned that if i put the same colors together and wash on cold then everything doesnt turn pink ahahaha


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> D recently I have got to do some laundry LOL i learned that if i put the same colors together and wash on cold then everything doesnt turn pink ahahaha


I figured this out after the fact... I think my wife still doesn't trust me


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I help, I cant see why it would be solely her responsibility to do it all for everybody, my kids are slobs so I feel bad for wife and help. Not a big deal.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'll speak for my hubby as he does not post here. My husband helps with supper dishes most of the time. He does 100% of the shopping for groceries and supplies. Since I'm disabled with a neck injury, some days I need more help then others. Lately on weekends he helps with laundry. I wash an average 4/5 loads daily and I iron all his work shirt/pants. I do as much as I'm physically able to.

I only ask for help lifting heavy things. Otherwise he does it all on his own. My husband really is a great man. I'm very blessed.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I work outside the house, my wife doesn't. It's not written in stone but it's assumed that she does certain things and I do other things.

I expect dinner when I get home and clean clothes to wear.

She expects the driveway to be shoveled, yard work done, trash taken out, cars/computers/toasters/doors/windows repaired.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

As an aside here... When my wife was working away, and I played SAHD while going to college, my version of getting things done was to divvy up the duties with the kids - they all had things they had to do, and since they were just kids, it was a chart, with the various duties assigned partly to preferences and partly by "it has to be done, so you do it" by me. 

I usually took less things, but I did the 'nobody ever wants to touch that" category. 

When the wife came home, it just ticked her off and she ignored it completely. Her attitude is: "If you love me, you'll just automatically do what I think should be done because it looks like it needs to be done, why should there be lists?" 

That attitude resulted in a lot of extremely angry children who just got randomly assigned "do this" from her and a rather exasperated me who tended to be highly uncooperative with her outbursts. 

Later she explained: "I just can't relax if everything isn't done when I want it done".

I should add that their annoyance at being randomly assigned things would often drive her to lock herself in the bedroom and ball her eyes out in frustration at being rejected.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I wash an average 4/5 loads daily


Am I misreading this? 4 or 5 loads of laundry a day? Everyday? 

Mrs P will does 4 load a week on days she doesn't come to the office. On weekends I do the laundry upstate.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

CharlieParker said:


> Am I misreading this? 4 or 5 loads of laundry a day? Everyday?
> 
> Mrs P will does 4 load a week on days she doesn't come to the office. On weekends I do the laundry upstate.


No, it's true.:/

I wash all the bedding, blankets and clothes. We have all girls(except hubby) that changes more then once a day. Plus we have long hair and use 2 towels each.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It isn't something that I've ever had to think about - with my ex-H, all those years ago, nor with my current partner.

When I was a SAHM, the home was my responsibility, apart from weekends when we shared whatever needed doing. With my partner, it's a case of us both doing what needs to be done, and it's something we rarely have need to discuss. It just gets done.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I do most stuff. As a SAHM I expect it to be like this. 

On a regular basis hubz doesn't really do housework. I didn't realise that til I read through this thread!

He does chip in with washing up after teatime once or twice a week. Cooks now and again. Vacuums again after teatime (the youngest is crazily messy with food.) He does mow the lawns when needed and repairs on the car.

He does however pick up a fair bit of responsibility with the younger two kids in the evening - he does the bedtime routine with them (age 3 and 2.)


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

Hmmm... I've always been a SAHW. Ironically, he was doing a lot more when we got married... cooked occasionally, helped with the dishes and vacuumed over weekends too...now with two toddlers, I do 99.9% of everything during the week and 95% during weekends. Lately, he's not even home for the children's bed/bath-time.  
He's not too good with fixing things around the house either and just throws away things he thinks are unfixable! The gardening is kept up with the gardener's monthly 1 hour visits and car-repairs are meant to be carried out at garages lol. 

What he does do over weekends is watch the children when I'd like to take a nap, change their nappies and sometimes take out trash. Also, our children are/have been poor sleepers and he's always slept with them when they're ill/restless at nights - to allow me my sleep. He's better at managing with less sleep and he can sleep in any position amidst any noise/disturbance ! 

I occasionally get irked over weekends when I'm whizzing past him for 2 hours non-stop and he'll just continue sitting on his couch with his laptop/TV. Yet, when I request for help, he'll oblige with a sigh. 
However, this site has taught me to be very very grateful for what I have otherwise. In a way, its not his fault - our culture is traditional and this is not far from how it is in most of our homes.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Being a SAHM...all I want from my husband is to help the kids with their homework. I pretty much do everything else....all the cooking, cleaning, laundry......I prefer it this way...while I am cleaning up in the kitchen, he will help the kids, it's their time with Dad. 

Unless I am sick or something... then he'd gladly help me -even now he would -but I can't say I need it. I'd rather whiz through this stuff (especially when he's at work)...that way when he's home...we have more time together/ for family/ and he has time available to do "his stuff".


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

drerio said:


> we both work full time, we both dirty the house, we both share in dealing with a pre-teen and a teenager. So sure, it just is what one does, pitch in. It is not as if there is a list we have, you do this and I do that. Sometimes I cook and then she cleans up, sometimes, she cooks and I clean up, sometime we both cook and clean up. We have slowly got the kiddos involved in pulling their weight, so less of the burden falls squarely on us. This is true with all the other chores. Even my oldest son who has a disability is expected to pitch in and he does. This does not mean we have an immaculate house, but we came to an agreement that this is one thing we should not fight about. We just do our best at maintaining a healthy and clean house, physically, mentally and spiritually - _Malama pono_.
> 
> The only thing I don't do (by wife's request), laundry. As I have said before, anyone interested in a pink shirt?


Ha ha.

Think white sheets and yellow duster.

Mrs Wysh always sorts laundry into loads for me if I do any, and tells me what setting to use.


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## bbrad (May 30, 2012)

I do most of the cooking and a good chunk of the cleaning. Our deal is that I do the laundry and she is supposed to put it away. The house can go from spotless to a wreck in a few days, and it becomes a battle of who can do less.

I am going to go out later today and save a few lives, and the come home and clean the kitchen. We have suit cases that need to be unpacked and a Christmas tree half up.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bbrad said:


> I do most of the cooking and a good chunk of the cleaning. Our deal is that *I do the laundry and she is supposed to put it away. *
> .


Same here with me.
I do the laundry and wifey folds it neatly and puts them away.
She prefers to do that.
I have no patience to sit , sort and fold linens, etc.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Same here with me.
> I do the laundry and wifey folds it neatly and puts them away.
> She prefers to do that.
> I have no patience to sit , sort and fold linens, etc.


LOL!! 
My wife has no patience for how I fold, and I have no idea where any of it but mine goes.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

WAIT! Wait wait wait! Men can do laundry?! My husband told me that washing machines and men are natural enemies!


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

ManUp said:


> *Hey guys, how much housework do you do?* I've been doing a lot more lately, not to impress my wife at all. I don't expect anything from her for doing it.
> 
> However, I think it's a change of attitude.
> 
> ...


When my husband is home, he cleans our house top to bottom every week-end, I offer to help every time & every time he turns me down.
I must say, that I find him extremely sexy when I see him walking around wearing his iPod & cleaning the house, it's a turn on to see him take the time to keep our home clean. 
And yes, he is WELL rewarded for his efforts. 
In case anyone is wondering, I clean during the week, do laundry, run errands, cook & he does the dishes, we have a nice balance that works well for both of us.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I work more than 40 hours a week, raised the kids (my son and his 2 from previous marriage) with little help, did all stuff needed at their schools, did all grocery shopping, cooked most meals, did all house work (3000sq house), take care of all finances, make appointments for repair men, took care of anything needed on my car, etc.

My husband played computer games all day 7 days a week, (refused to get a job), cooked meals about 1-2 times a month, did the dishes 1-2 times a month, takes the garbage out on trash day, gives the dogs food and water. Oh and he opens the back door to let the dogs in/out when it's too cold to have the doggy door in. He also does his own laundry... almost forgot that one.

Usually I had to make a big deal out of it and even scream to get him to cook a few meals or do a few dishes.

Yep a spouse/partner who does not take responsibility for a fair share of things is one of the leading causes of divorce. That's why he's now my ex.

You all are great guys for realizing that you are not 'helping' your wife. You are taking responsibility for your own home just as she is (hopefully she is too).


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## bbrad (May 30, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I work more than 40 hours a week, raised the kids (my son and his 2 from previous marriage) with little help, did all stuff needed at their schools, did all grocery shopping, cooked most meals, did all house work (3000sq house), take care of all finances, make appointments for repair men, took care of anything needed on my car, etc.
> 
> My husband played computer games all day 7 days a week, (refused to get a job), cooked meals about 1-2 times a month, did the dishes 1-2 times a month, takes the garbage out on trash day, gives the dogs food and water. Oh and he opens the back door to let the dogs in/out when it's too cold to have the doggy door in. He also does his own laundry... almost forgot that one.
> 
> ...


Wow,
I just realized that this sounds just like some people we know. The hubby stays home and does nothing but game on the computer and smoke dope. He also makes beer, so I guess that is okay.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> WAIT! Wait wait wait! Men can do laundry?! My husband told me that washing machines and men are natural enemies!


Hey Annie,

Long time 

I can fix washers, can't do laundry


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I work part time, my husband works full time.

He does all the laundry, I fold and put away.

When we're both here, childcare is shared.

We pay a cleaner to do floors and bathrooms once a week.

I do everything else.

Works fine.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bbrad said:


> Wow,
> I just realized that this sounds just like some people we know. The hubby stays home and does nothing but game on the computer and smoke dope. He also makes beer, so I guess that is okay.


My ex-husband does not smoke dope or drink.


But... not it's not ok. I do believe that I mentioned that he's an ex. 

I was not going to throw his kids out. They don't deserve it. So now that they are out of high school I've divorced him.

ETA: Went back and realized that I did not explicitly say that I've divorced him. So I added that.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Same here with me.
> I do the laundry and wifey folds it neatly and puts them away.
> She prefers to do that.
> I have no patience to sit , sort and fold linens, etc.


I'm extremely very picky how my laundry is folded! I will sit there and get every wrinkle out. If I can't, I'll iron it.

My mother use to help me a week after my neck fusion. I begged my hubby to stay with me that first week and he did, so my mom wouldn't come over. She insisted to do my laundry which ticked me off to no end! She'd roll up the shirts/pants and slop them in a pile. I repeatedly asked her to stop doing my laundry and she'd yell at me saying she's doing me a favor.:/.

My children 5 and 7 at the time could fold better then her. My mother is not the nicest person in the world either, especially to me. I also asked her not to come and I could care for myself. She yelled and belittled me the entire time she was here. I'm not looking forward for her help with my next fusion either.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> WAIT! Wait wait wait! Men can do laundry?! My husband told me that washing machines and men are natural enemies!


Yep.

Can't be too full of myself though, my wife has to sort out the loads, and tell me what setting to use on the washing machine so I'm not perfect!

Apparently I also hang washing the wrong way and she always has to refold washing I pick in.

Almost perfect.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

One of the first things we worked out as a couple was that we can't be a back seat driver when it comes to the other's chores, although we should feel okay to point out if someting is being overlooked, since we're all human. My wife was pretty up front about certain things she never wanted to do, but was willing to take complete ownership of others. Once she caught me with the owner's manual for the super heavy duty washer, and a weight scale for optimizing load efficiency, along with some gentle shoving to get it all in, I was forever banned from the laundry duty. Took her 15 years to figure out that I knew she was watching.

Call me crazy, but I really don't mind cleaning floors, and I tend to be obsessive about doing it right, along with cleaning all the base moulding, crown moulding, and dusting as I go. Same thing with bathrooms - I even bought a book on how to use commercial cleaning supplies. I enjoy washing dishes and giving the kitchen a good cleaning after meals. I had seen my parent's marriages fail in where my mother was always treated like a maid, and I wanted my wife to feel like we were partners in life, in all things. So, I'll put on a heavy metal collection on the mp3 player, and then she jokingly says that I go nuclear on the floors and bathrooms. I cook some, but cooking is the chore that she claimed early in the marriage as her task, but we all pitch in, since her career is also very challenging. She is an amazing cook, and pre-cooks starter ingredients to meals for the entire week during the weekends, so I usually just finish up meals that she started when I get home first.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I'm extremely very picky how my laundry is folded! I will sit there and get every wrinkle out. If I can't, I'll iron it.
> 
> My mother use to help me a week after my neck fusion. I begged my hubby to stay with me that first week and he did, so my mom wouldn't come over. She insisted to do my laundry which ticked me off to no end! She'd roll up the shirts/pants and slop them in a pile. I repeatedly asked her to stop doing my laundry and she'd yell at me saying she's doing me a favor.:/.
> 
> My children 5 and 7 at the time could fold better then her. My mother is not the nicest person in the world either, especially to me. I also asked her not to come and I could care for myself. She yelled and belittled me the entire time she was here. I'm not looking forward for her help with my next fusion either.


My wife is picky about folding the stuff too!
Whenever I fold it , she comes in and does it over again her way [ which is much neater lol!]


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I did laundry once in '75. Yep, it all turned pink. Haven't been allowed to touch the washing machine, except to hook it up, since. 

We both worked f/t and went to school. We divided task by likes and strengths. It worked pretty good for years. She took more on when she became a SAHM. When our boy started school, she went back to work. She told me she needed more help. She was right, I needed to step up. I did. I hired a lady to come in once a week, problem solved.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

anchorwatch said:


> I did laundry once in '75. Yep, it all turned pink. Haven't been allowed to touch the washing machine, except to hook it up, since.
> 
> We both worked f/t and went to school. We divided task by likes and strengths. It worked pretty good for years. She took more on when she became a SAHM. When our boy started school, she went back to work. She told me she needed more help. She was right, I needed to step up. I did. I hired a lady to come in once a week, problem solved.


Did you hire someone because you didn't feel you had the time or because you didn't want to do the tasks?

For me, I believe my wife would love it if we hired someone to come in and help out with the cleaning, but there is no chance I would do that. Wasted money in my opinion.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Did you hire someone because you didn't feel you had the time or because you didn't want to do the tasks?
> 
> For me, I believe my wife would love it if we hired someone to come in and help out with the cleaning, but there is no chance I would do that. Wasted money in my opinion.


I actually did it because, since she was working f/t, I wanted to make sure the time we had together we'd be doing things other than chores.

I'm very thankful for what we have. I gave a lot of my life for my career. I don't consider it a waste to use my compensation to enjoy life. That's our reward. Life is short.


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