# I love my wife;resentment,anger hurt stopping progess help



## dkwtd (Aug 21, 2009)

Hi, I really don’t know what to do or feel. I am an emotional rollercoaster. A wreck. One minute I'm fine and the next I am filled heartache and sorrow. I try to keep positive but it’s hard. I want to make it work but the pain outweighs any progress. I need help getting past the resentment, hurt, lies, anger etc....this may be excessively long but I feel I need to get it out....I have no one else to talk to about this. Its eating me up inside like a cancer. It has literally made me sick....I have lost 10lbs over this and have not been myself. 
My wife and I have been married for almost 15 years. Not all of them happy. I will admit I could have done more on my end to help better the situation. I even admitted to her that I have taken her for granted, put her second, also made her feel unwanted. I felt the same too, but still I feel I didn't deserve to be lied to and betrayed. 
Five years ago I was driving home after dropping off some friends after watching the Super Bowl. This trip would normally take an hour but my friends were able to catch another ride so it cut my time in half. My wife called me and asked where I was. I told her I would be home in an hour but wanted to surprise her. She told me that when I got back she would have something special on. As I got close to my driveway my heart started pounding and hands shaking. There was another car. I can remember every detail to this day. I opened the door. I heard footsteps leaving the living room and a door close. As I entered the hallway..there was my wife dressed lingerie. My WIFE!!!!!I can remember her saying...."It's not what you think"...I kicked the door down and told the guy to get the ****out. After arguing for about 3 hours she stated that he was just a friend nothing more. She would not tell me who he was or anything like that. The following day I checked everything. I printed copies of cell phone records to find that she had been talking to him ALL THE TIME for a year!!!!!!!!I finally found the guy and talked to him. He told me that they did not have any physical relationship but were just friends. I was upset and hurt that she confided in another man. Also that now there was another guy in town that had seen her only the way I should have.
Five years go by and its present day. I am not truly over the Super Bowl incident. I just can’t let go.. I tried hard to make things work. We still had the same relationship issues. Some days things would be great others not so good. We just were living day by day. But I did not realize things were that bad.
My wife is very attractive. About 5'5, 130lbs very nice figure and pleasant voice to match. She did not go out much and did not have many friends. On the other hand, I am very social and make friends easy. I would tell her to go out and get involved in outside activities. She did. We moved to another state so she quit her job. To take up her time she started playing World of War Craft or WoW as it’s popularly known. I didn't mind because I play Xbox online so I understand. But she was playing way too much...some times 24hrs a day!!! I asked her if there was anyone she was talking to. She said no and making a big deal of it when I asked. I told her there had to be someone keeping her attention-no one plays this long. Nine months went by and we moved back to our previous state. She started working again but overnight. Because of her shift, she would get 7 days off in a row about once a month. In June of '08 we had got into a tiff and she wanted some time away from us to think things through. I agreed. She stayed in a hotel in town and came back after a week. That was that. Fast forward to July 2009. She got a week off and again stated that she want time away. I agreed again. I found out what hotel she was staying in because I noticed the car. I went to work and waited later at that evening at the hotel so I could talk her into coming home. I started having that heart pounding feeling again. I watched my wife’s car pull up and in the passenger seat I saw another man..my mind went wild!!!!I pulled up behind her and a chase ensued. After several miles of following her and close car wrecks, I backed off and went home. She later arrived to tell me her side of the story. She went out, seen her co-worker at bingo. They decided to grab something to eat. He parked his car at the hotel so they could ride in hers. Sounds fishy...I know. She convinced me and I bought it. We talked and she went back to the hotel. A week went by and she came back home. We made back up. I had used her cell phone to make a call when an out of area number came up. I answered and it was a guy. My suspicions grew...come to find out both times she stayed at hotel...it was with a guy she met from WOW. A few days later I found emails where she sent to several guys over the past 2 years. She tells me that she never has had sex with any man ever. She proclaims that she was just lonely and that these guys made her feel special. I was able to talk to the guy she was with in '08 and he confirmed that they never had sex but that he did care for her. This last guy I don’t know. She still claims that she didn't. Even if she did not, I am deeply hurt that she even slept in the same bed with them. It bothers me to no end. All I can think about is these guys telling her how beautiful she is and how much they love her.....and then I start thinking the worse...its driving me mad. Sometimes when I look at her, I feel nothing but disgust and hatred. Then I see my wife---the person I fell in love with. I truly want to make it work with her. I constantly blame myself for not treating her right for years. Maybe this could have been avoided. But I put the blame on her as well....she made the decisions to commit these acts. 

I know what I want to do.....I want to be with her.....I feel in my heart that she has not been with another man.....even if she has, I still want to be with her. She has been putting in the effort to make this work and I am afraid my actions are going to drive her to do this again. I'm scared to let her back into my heart....I can't get past the pain, the resentment, and how she hurt me to move forward. I am looking for advice to get past this...please help

Dkwtd


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## Mama Bertha (Aug 19, 2009)

Ok, it is hard to tell if she really is seeing other people but the hotel part that would be alittle bit more hard to believe (that she was innocently taking her cowoker somewhere).

Instead of you getting upset because your not sure what to believe I would say you could call a private investigator to see or there is a show called Cheaters and they can confirm for you if she actually has been faithful. Once you find out then you can decide if maybe you two want to go to a local marriage counselor.

Also, I have found out something pretty interesting today that I think you should probably look into they call it gaslighting and you can simply look it up in google. It may help you take control of a potential manipluative relationship. Hopefully it helps alittle more in the situation and or gives your heart alittle bit more peace.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Polygraph my friend. You can't get over what you don't know.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

It makes me both angry and sad that people do this to one another.

I certainly don't want to make things more difficult for you than they already are, but I would really be skeptical about your wife's claims that she has never been physically unfathful. It is clear that you want to believe her, but I truly find it hard to believe that she stays at a hotel and contacts another man while there without anything sexual going on. Not only that, but it is obvious she has had several emotional affairs, and that is almost as bad, if not equally bad, in my opinion.

Even though you say one of the other guys confirmed that your wife and he did not have sex, he very well could be lying, too. Nobody wants the crap of repercussions that are likely to occur because of the fallout from an affair.

Like Mommy22 mentioned, you should insist on her becoming transparent, if you both want to work this out.

Good Luck!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Of course she had sex with these men.

What wife has lingerie on while a man visits when her husband is not home? 

A wife having sex with that man. 

Some things are not complicated. Sad, yes, but not complicated.

And the hotel thing?

Same simple reason.

I am sorry it is so crazymaking for you.

Cut through her lies, and get to the heart of the matter. She is cheating.

Whether or not she admits to it is really kind of unimportant at this point. Her lies have no more power.

Take control of your life. Insist on marriage counseling to move forward. The point? To either get better together or apart.

Hang in there.


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## RecoveredinArizona (Mar 19, 2012)

My Friend, you will never have peace with this woman. I am sorry, but you have every right to move on.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

It is obvious that she has had sex with different men and clearly thinks that you are a fool and easily manipulated. I would suggest:
1. Get tested for STD's.
2. If you have children get paternity tests on them.
3. See an attorney to understand your options.
She has disrespected and humiliated you terribly. She has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Quit pulling up 3 yr old threads, please argghhhhhhhh


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Zombie thread!!! Arrrggghhhh!!!!


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Once you caught her cheating in your home, and make no mistake about it she was cheating (the evidence does not get much better unless you have her boning the guy on video), she has decided to cheat on you at hotels. All she has to do is make sure she gets in a fight with you the week that the other man is free, and viola she gets to cheat. You even thinking that it is a possibility that she did not cheat probably has her and her lovers laughing their butts off.


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