# Pregnant Girlfriend Won't Leave Daughter



## Secondguessing (Mar 6, 2017)

I have a dilemma. I'm working in China but have a new job in Myanmar starting in July. I'm divorcing my cheating wife but not in time for the move to Myanmar. Myanmar is a very conservative country and initially said that my gf could not live with me in faculty housing until we were able to get married. When I pressed the issue, they "reluctantly" agreed that she could stay with me but absolutely no way would they allow her daughter from a previous marriage to attend the school. My girlfriend is pregnant. She refuses to come with me and leave her daughter with her ex-husband. She wants me to remain in China.

I just left my two biological daughters to go back overseas and resue my career as an International School Teacher. I just can't bring myself to make the sacrifice for another man's child that I wouldn't make for my own children. I'm going to marry my gf as soon as I can, I will send her all my money and I'll even sign over my share of assets once distributed but I am not giving up my career for the sake of another man's child. She is distraught over this and I feel terrible but my mind is made up.

Am I rotten person for this?
Why can't she let her ex- watch the girl for the duration of my 2 year contract?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Wait a minute. Are you that teacher who came here a while ago whose Asian wife cheated because you were away overseas teaching crappy English to non-English students?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Your application for father of the year has been rejected.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Secondguessing said:


> I have a dilemma. I'm working in China but have a new job in Myanmar starting in July. I'm divorcing my cheating wife but not in time for the move to Myanmar. Myanmar is a very conservative country and initially said that my gf could not live with me in faculty housing until we were able to get married. When I pressed the issue, they "reluctantly" agreed that she could stay with me but absolutely no way would they allow her daughter from a previous marriage to attend the school. My girlfriend is pregnant. She refuses to come with me and leave her daughter with her ex-husband. She wants me to remain in China.
> 
> I just left my two biological daughters to go back overseas and resue my career as an International School Teacher. I just can't bring myself to make the sacrifice for another man's child that I wouldn't make for my own children. I'm going to marry my gf as soon as I can, I will send her all my money and I'll even sign over my share of assets once distributed but I am not giving up my career for the sake of another man's child. She is distraught over this and I feel terrible but my mind is made up.
> 
> ...


This all sounds very familiar.

Is @Secondguessing your only user handle here?


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## Secondguessing (Mar 6, 2017)

> Wait a minute. Are you that teacher who came here a while ago whose Asian wife cheated because you were away overseas teaching crappy English to non-English students?


No, I'm a real teacher and I teach math and physics, not ESL


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Secondguessing said:


> I have a dilemma. I'm working in China but have a new job in Myanmar starting in July. I'm divorcing my cheating wife but not in time for the move to Myanmar. Myanmar is a very conservative country and initially said that my gf could not live with me in faculty housing until we were able to get married. When I pressed the issue, they "reluctantly" agreed that she could stay with me but absolutely no way would they allow her daughter from a previous marriage to attend the school. My girlfriend is pregnant. She refuses to come with me and leave her daughter with her ex-husband. She wants me to remain in China.
> 
> I just left my two biological daughters to go back overseas and resue my career as an International School Teacher. I just can't bring myself to make the sacrifice for another man's child that I wouldn't make for my own children. I'm going to marry my gf as soon as I can, I will send her all my money and I'll even sign over my share of assets once distributed but I am not giving up my career for the sake of another man's child. She is distraught over this and I feel terrible but my mind is made up.
> 
> ...


You posed the question, so I think you already know the answer.

You have impregnated a girlfriend, have two children by another woman and expect your girlfriend to abandon her daughter to fit in with your Jerry Springer/Jeremy Kyle Show lifestyle?

What is wrong with you?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> You posed the question, so I think you already know the answer.
> 
> You have impregnated a girlfriend, have two children by another woman and expect your girlfriend to abandon her daughter to fit in with your Jerry Springer/Jeremy Kyle Show lifestyle?
> 
> What is wrong with you?


The curtain came down early on this Shakespearen Tragedy, Act 6. post 6.

Finitum est.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The answer is simple.
The answer is elementary.

He needs a cauldron, a vessel.
He needs release.
He needs comfort.
He needs a women with a vagina....... at his side, at all times.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Secondguessing said:


> I have a dilemma. I'm working in China but have a new job in Myanmar starting in July. I'm divorcing my cheating wife but not in time for the move to Myanmar. Myanmar is a very conservative country and initially said that my gf could not live with me in faculty housing until we were able to get married. When I pressed the issue, they "reluctantly" agreed that she could stay with me but absolutely no way would they allow her daughter from a previous marriage to attend the school. My girlfriend is pregnant. She refuses to come with me and leave her daughter with her ex-husband. She wants me to remain in China.
> 
> I just left my two biological daughters to go back overseas and resue my career as an International School Teacher. I just can't bring myself to make the sacrifice for another man's child that I wouldn't make for my own children. I'm going to marry my gf as soon as I can, I will send her all my money and I'll even sign over my share of assets once distributed but I am not giving up my career for the sake of another man's child. She is distraught over this and I feel terrible but my mind is made up.
> 
> ...


Yep.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Most people, regardless of gender, won't abandon their child(ren) to be raised by someone else unless they have absolutely no other choice. Your GF seems to have a choice. Good on her for choosing to stay and actually be a parent.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Secondguessing said:


> I have a dilemma. I'm working in China but have a new job in Myanmar starting in July. I'm divorcing my cheating wife but not in time for the move to Myanmar. Myanmar is a very conservative country and initially said that my gf could not live with me in faculty housing until we were able to get married. When I pressed the issue, they "reluctantly" agreed that she could stay with me but absolutely no way would they allow her daughter from a previous marriage to attend the school. My girlfriend is pregnant. She refuses to come with me and leave her daughter with her ex-husband. She wants me to remain in China.
> 
> I just left my two biological daughters to go back overseas and resue my career as an International School Teacher. I just can't bring myself to make the sacrifice for another man's child that I wouldn't make for my own children. I'm going to marry my gf as soon as I can, I will send her all my money and I'll even sign over my share of assets once distributed but I am not giving up my career for the sake of another man's child. She is distraught over this and I feel terrible but my mind is made up.
> 
> ...


You need to stop breeding.

Just stop.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> The answer is simple.
> The answer is elementary.
> 
> He needs a cauldron, a vessel.
> ...


He needs a kick where the sun don't shine,every day and twice on Sundays.Just because you can walk away from one family and start another family with a new woman it doesn't mean every parent shares your lack of morals,character and sense of responsibility.
Do the world a favour and get vasectomy.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

I second the vasectomy comment...your an ass!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, I don't imagine she does want to leave her daughter. Good for her. 

And obviously you're going to be a great stepfather to her daughter (sarcasm off). 

So, to answer your question, yes -- you certainly are.


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## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> The answer is simple.
> The answer is elementary.
> 
> He needs a cauldron, a vessel.
> ...


He needs to find a different job, in a country that doesn't get involved into his totally screwed up personal life.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Maybe finish one relationship before starting another one and please stop bringing more kids into the world that you obviously can't be bothered raising..


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## Secondguessing (Mar 6, 2017)

Well, let me say one thing in my defense.

When you go to see the doctor in China about a pregnancy, the first question you are asked at reception - and I mean the VERY FIRST question: "Do you want it?" 
Both my gf and the receptionist looked at me. It would have been so easy to say no, we don't want it but I chose life. My gf and the baby will have abundant resources and I'll have another child, hopefully a boy, that I can see at holidays and whenever my gf and soon to be wife can visit in Myanmar. 

I bet if I was in the military, off killing little Arab babies, you guys wouldn't be so harsh. Hell, you all probably want to give me a medal.

I certainly didn't want this to happen. I can't even say I love my gf. I do trust her. I was depressed and she really helped me and she restored my confidence. I'll support that baby and my gf until the day I die. Just like I'll support my two daughters and like I supported my two sons before that.

OK - I'm a rotten guy but I would never encourage a woman to abort my baby. I could have and with zero stigma but I chose life. So how bad can I be?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Secondguessing said:


> Well, let me say one thing in my defense.
> 
> When you go to see the doctor in China about a pregnancy, the first question you are asked at reception - and I mean the VERY FIRST question: "Do you want it?"
> Both my gf and the receptionist looked at me. It would have been so easy to say no, we don't want it but I chose life. My gf and the baby will have abundant resources and I'll have another child, hopefully a boy, that I can see at holidays and whenever my gf and soon to be wife can visit in Myanmar.
> ...


You're telling a mother to abandon her child. That's pretty high on the scum bag list. Damn near the top. Close to pedophile level.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Secondguessing said:


> I bet if I was in the military, off killing little Arab babies, you guys wouldn't be so harsh. Hell, you all probably want to give me a medal.


Wow. That kind of attitude will do wonders for your (supposed) goal of getting good advice and _constructive _ (you know, useful) criticism.

I wasn't even going to read this thread because the title seemed incomprehensible. Ultimately, I did decide to read it because I was sure there had to be some mitigating circumstance or some more to the story than the title indicated.

Alas, I was wrong. Indeed, you are upset because your piece won't abandon her own child. This is not being "harsh" at all--it is straight up truth; you are displaying a narcissistic level of selfishness. Why would you even want to be with a woman who could so easily leave her own offspring for an extended period of time? More importantly, why would a woman with a child want to be with you? 

Relationships with previous children involved are exponentially more difficult than ones without. It takes a bigger man to be able to handle this. If you are truly invested in this relationship rather than just using it for your own selfish purposes, you're going to have to become a much bigger man.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Secondguessing said:


> Well, let me say one thing in my defense.
> 
> When you go to see the doctor in China about a pregnancy, the first question you are asked at reception - and I mean the VERY FIRST question: "Do you want it?"
> Both my gf and the receptionist looked at me. It would have been so easy to say no, we don't want it but I chose life. My gf and the baby will have abundant resources and I'll have another child, hopefully a boy, that I can see at holidays and whenever my gf and soon to be wife can visit in Myanmar.
> ...


Pretty bad when you use red herrings, false equivalence, rhetoric, race card and a straw man all in one terrible post. 

First, what a doctor asks or your abortion feelings have NOTHING to do with your OP.

Second, no matter how any of us feel about the military your choice is VOLUNTARY, a military deployment is REQUIRED and MANDATORY. Yes, even if you chose to join. You can say no to your move, military personnel CANNOT. 

Third, trying to tie the killing of civilians to aborted babies and your job to the military is called false equivalence. They are not the same. See above for the difference of CHOICE (abortion) and being sent to battles (MANDATORY). Nope, I am not arguing right, wrong or indifferent.

No, you do not win any awards for knowingly moving to a country which BARELY allowed cohabitation and said nope to the out of wedlock child. Their country, their rules. You chose your job over her and her child. Don't be surprised if she breaks up with you when you leave.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

D.N.E.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

Secondguessing said:


> I certainly didn't want this to happen. *I can't even say I love my gf.* I do trust her. I was depressed and she really helped me and she restored my confidence. I'll support that baby and my gf until the day I die. Just like I'll support my two daughters and like I supported my two sons before that.
> 
> OK - I'm a rotten guy but I would never encourage a woman to abort my baby. I could have and with zero stigma but I chose life. So how bad can I be?


Wait. You do not even love this woman yet say she will be your wife soon? Do her a favor and let her know your true feelings before she even contemplates leaving her country.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> You posed the question, so I think you already know the answer.
> 
> You have impregnated a girlfriend, have two children by another woman and expect your girlfriend to abandon her daughter to fit in with your Jerry Springer/Jeremy Kyle Show lifestyle?
> 
> What is wrong with you?


Dont forget "still married" is on that list as well. 

Referring to your GF daughter as "another man's child" does not bode well at all. You are not fit to be a stepfather as you are clearly showing you will not love that child as your own. Your GF is better off to stay put and let you leave.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

You do realize that your girlfriend comes with a child, right? If you cannot accept that, and her as she comes, then I would say to let her go find someone who CAN accept her and her children.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Secondguessing said:


> Well, let me say one thing in my defense.
> 
> When you go to see the doctor in China about a pregnancy, the first question you are asked at reception - and I mean the VERY FIRST question: "Do you want it?"
> Both my gf and the receptionist looked at me. It would have been so easy to say no, we don't want it but I chose life. My gf and the baby will have abundant resources and I'll have another child, hopefully a boy, that I can see at holidays and whenever my gf and soon to be wife can visit in Myanmar.
> ...


Bad enough. But worse than you should be.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Secondguessing said:


> Well, let me say one thing in my defense.
> 
> When you go to see the doctor in China about a pregnancy, the first question you are asked at reception - and I mean the VERY FIRST question: "Do you want it?"
> Both my gf and the receptionist looked at me. It would have been so easy to say no, we don't want it but I chose life. My gf and the baby will have abundant resources and I'll have another child, hopefully a boy, that I can see at holidays and whenever my gf and soon to be wife can visit in Myanmar.
> ...


If you think sending a few dollars home each month is being a supportive father then you are as delusional as you are ignorant.
So you didn't tell your gf to have an abortion,what colour medal would you like along with your man of the year award.
You come across as one of these *******s who no matter what they do they are always trying to play the victim.
If you punch someone you say at least I didn't stab him.
If you stab someone you say at less I didn't shoot him.
If you shoot someone you say at least I only shot one person.
And so on.
And so on.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

I am going to be the devils advocate here.I think you just cant help it.... I doubt you have ever really looked at yourself. Like. really. I think you have a deluded view of yourself and the world that you actually think this follow your dreams bull **** flies when you are abandoning offspring. I get your soon to be ex wife and you are no longer together. But do you actually think your daughters are better off with their father traipsing about? You have to have a deluded sense of the world to rationalize your right to just up and leave... Furthermore to imagine that your pregnant GF could also follow suit and do the same thing to her daughter. 

You sir... Have a very deluded, twisted mind and Im sure you just cant help being as mentally flawed as you are. But take this advice along with all the other harsh advice you have received... Get into therapy, you are not a good parent, you need to get right with the world and yourself or this life is going to get real painful for you....eventually. 

I say this as a warning... You are burning all the bridges to people you may eventually want to be involved with someday... Love is not a feeling, its an action. You by your own admission dont even love your girlfriend, so you cant claim its love for her. This is LOVE FOR YOURSELF. Thinking of YOU AND ONLY YOU, YOUR WANTS, YOUR NEEDS....grasp this, your an emotional idiot. Wake up, get smart, fix yourself. 

And i say this from the heart. 
GOOD LUCK facing yourself. It will be a bumpy ride if your have the balls to do it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

becareful2 said:


> Wait a minute. Are you that teacher who came here a while ago whose Asian wife cheated because you were away overseas teaching crappy English to non-English students?


You have it wrong. That teacher does not teach ESL. He teaches math and physic

And yes, the OP is that teacher. He has many accounts on TAM. All are banned because of his bad behavior towards others on TAM.

I think this story he posted is real. But Secondguessing, is now perma banned.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You have it wrong. That teacher does not teach ESL. He teaches math and physic
> 
> And yes, the OP is that teacher. He has many account on TAM. All are banned because of his bad behavior towards others on TAM.
> 
> *I think this story he posted is real.* But Secondguessing, is now perma banned.


That's a shame. I was hoping he was a troll.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

As much as I hate abortion, I would think this was one case were it would have been appropriate. And then the girlfriend should have dumped him.

The child she already has is the most important thing in her life. Should be, and must be. The OP is crazy to think she should abandon her child.

Mary says he is unbelievably selfish to even think of such a thing. A career is totally meaningless without compassion and love controlling and directing it.


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