# Trouble with my father



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

About 7 or 8 years ago my mom found out my dad was having an affair. He works in Corrections so he was able to run a background check on her at my mother's insistence. Check fraud, drugs, theft etc etc...
He broke it off and my parents have struggled ever since. A few months ago my dad begged me to add him on my facebook and I was appalled at the number of young girls he'd added as friends. the whole family could see that crap and all the things he was posting to them. When my mom found out about it she straight up took his entire computer away.
So recently he's been pulling this line of BS that he's on the "draft" list at work and he has to call every day after 4 pm to see if he is working that night. It's a lame excuse because he only works 2 nights a week and he sleeps all day to avoid my mother and because he no longer has a computer to be glued to all day.

I went home last week to visit my grandfather (mom's side) to say my final goodbyes (he's now in hospice care) and my dad spent the majority of his time in bed. My mom and brother would come over for dinner and help me clean up and only once did my dad come and he stayed hidden in the living room eating on the couch.

The day my brother drove me to the airport, I was wondering if when my dad eventually did crawl out of bed, how he would feel when he realized I was already gone and on my way home 3,000 miles away.

I haven't called him and don't plan on sending a Father's day card...I don't know how to talk to him without being so mad and disgusted with his behavior and how he's been treating my mother..


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

Sounds like you either have a talk with him or just give up. It's strange how our relationships and feeling towards our parents change as we grow up, especially once we get married and/or have children of our own. Both my parents cheated on one another while I was growing up but my Father hide it well from us kids and my Mother didn't seems to care. So I grew up resenting my Mother for the way she treated my Father and when his affairs came to light I was a bit more accepting, though still disapproved. Now it's years later and they're divorced and I have learned things I most times wish I hadn't and just think that both people should never have bothered with one another. The biggest thing I have learned in the last ten years is that only the two people in the marriage really know about that marriage.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

This may sound harsh, but your parents and their dysfunction are not your problem to solve. They are adults and they can choose to get help or not. This is not your responsibility.

Focus on your own life. If you find that you cannot and that you can't maintain healthy boundaries with your parents, get some counseling to address issues of co-dependency. Good luck!


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