# What boneheaded move did your WS do during R?



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

D-day Nov. 29th 2011.
M: 29 years
Sexual EA 2000 with four guys
Sexual EA 2010
Sexual EA/PA 2011

My WS called me on Monday and said her IC told her she no longer needs to come in for counseling due to the fact that her depression is at a 3 on a scale of 10. Depression???? She went in for treatment for internet addiction, to work on why she did it, ways to prevent it from happening again, her issues with guys in public and why she can fall in love with guys on the internet in as short as three days after initial contact. Not one of these things were addressed. I am piss*d. Talked to her last night and mulitple times today about this. She missed a month of counseling and only went this past Monday because I complained. She went into counseling on her own the first week of December 2011 in crisis for infidelity. Her stated goals was to work on the issues I mentioned, never ever depression. These were her goals, not mine. I did not force her. She said she will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to get herself fixed and I am told that, "hey, my depression is under control".

What a boneheaded move on her part.

I do counseling for a living. My clients come every week looking foward to treatment. I deal with PTSD, alcoholism, etc. They are upset if I can't always schedule them weekly. They are all motivated. I have not had one ask for another counselor or stop their treatment since I started here in October. And my counseling load continues to increase almost on a daily basis. I am not God's gift to the counseling world but I am not bad at what I do. But this with my WS has set me back. I talked to her brother in law last night and another counselor today and we all agree that she needs long term counseling and she must have manipulated her counselor because none of this makes sense.

I told my WS last night and today about my feelings and we have had long conversations about it.

She apologized and says she will go back and work on these issues. 

Why do I need to tell her this crap? I told her that our marriage is on the brink and that I feel she does not care about her treatment nor the marriage. She told me that she needed this kick in the pants. At least she listened to me, apologized several times and did not argue or get defensive.

What boneheaded things have your WS's done while you are working on R?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Wife planned a surprise party for my 40th birthday, it put me on edge since I sensed something was being hidden from me. I found out about the party due to the keylogger


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My hubby hired a hooker just after we started R'ing. :loser:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Wow


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> D-day Nov. 29th 2011.
> 
> Why do I need to tell her this crap? I told her that our marriage is on the brink and that I feel she does not care about her treatment nor the marriage. She told me that she needed this kick in the pants. At least she listened to me, apologized several times and did not argue or get defensive.


T-

Is your wife like an infant or something? Seriously... she acts like a seventeen year old. Does she have no sense of personal responsibility, or is she just that vacuum headed?

Even though my wife and I are not reconciling, I asked her this same question the night we officially broke up. She just sort of stared at me...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> T-
> 
> Is your wife like an infant or something? Seriously... she acts like a seventeen year old. Does she have no sense of personal responsibility, or is she just that vacuum headed?
> 
> Even though my wife and I are not reconciling, I asked her this same question the night we officially broke up. She just sort of stared at me...


Talked to my fellow therapist this morning about this (she is a marriage and family therapist). She says it sounds like my wife is lost and does not know what she wants. She says my wife will say what she thinks I want to hear because she is scared about me walking. She also said that the therapist was either incompetent or misled by my wife as to why she was coming in for counseling, as no therapist could deal with infidelity issues within this short period of time. My wife says she will get the notes of the sessions if I want them. I don't need them. I will ask her for the treatment plan though.


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## losinghope12 (Jan 31, 2012)

Your wife sounds almost identical to my wife. So we have only been married for 8 months (LOL). My wife doesn't work or frankly leave the house. Her entire life is spent playing on the Internet be it looking at Facebook, LOLCats, or playing World of Warcraft. 

As such, since I go to bed around 10:30-11 for work the next day, she generally would stay up and chat with me before headed back to her computer to play until all hours of the night. We are talking as late as 4:30am. Anyways, maybe 2 months in to our marriage she decided to stop chatting to me before I went to sleep and focused all of her efforts on playing WoW. 

About 2 months ago (6 months into our marriage), her phone received a text message from a guy at 8:30am (she never wakes up before 10). I happened to read it and the chat history and she met this guy through WoW and was basically begging him to have sex with her despite living almost 1000 miles away and the fact that they never actually met.

I busted her and insisted she seek counciling. From what little I was told about the session, she told the doctor she felt like she was in a prison and was "lost". It was suggested to her that she perhaps take up some volunteer work to get out there and try to find something she loves. This was never seriously considered. She went a second time and it was suggested the two of us do things together (I had been begging her for this for months), again this was also not seriously considered.

Fast forward to the past 4-6 weeks and she found an entirely different guy on WoW who she is in love with. I know this because I see the text logs & call logs on her phone and they call each other 2-3 times a day and text each other probably 30-40 times a day. She has sent him extremely graphic texts of sexual acts she wants to perform on him and tells him she loves him and they are meant for each other. He does the exact same things. Again, these two never met and live 7+ hours away from one another.

My marriage is over at this point and the STBXW is eagerly looking forward to leaving the house and presumably trying to pursue something with this guy. Who oh by the way is married with a 5 year old boy at home (thanks Facebook)


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

losinghope, since your wife just sits at home,ever think of just shutting all her crap off?


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## losinghope12 (Jan 31, 2012)

67flh said:


> losinghope, since your wife just sits at home,ever think of just shutting all her crap off?


Yes, particularly her cell phone and WoW account as those were both her primary tools she used to commit her EAs. Honestly I wanted too, but this all came so suddenly I went through the range of emotions from "i dont want to lose her" to "i hate her" to "i want her to be an adult" to "i dont want to be alone" to "just leave".

At this point neither one of us wants to continue "moving forward", the trust is completely gone thus the marriage is over


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

understand...but you can still make her life hell


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

rock said:


> Good thread. I have nothing crazy to add but hopefully it stays that way.


Hey Rock, at least this post did not get deleted for being too graphic.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

This happened to a work friend:

His live-in fiancee also became addicted to WoW, she fell in love with the OM there, and told my friend that she was leaving him to give this "wonderful man" a chance.

Imagine her surprise when she went to meet with the OM, and was met by a 40-ish woman and a detective who informed her that her "wonderful man" from WoW was the woman's zit-faced 15 year old son!


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Imagine her surprise when she went to meet with the OM, and was met by a 40-ish woman and a detective who informed her that her "wonderful man" from WoW was the woman's zit-faced 15 year old son!


Absolute AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :smthumbup: :smthumbup:

The ending couldn't have been better!

Did she also get arrested for 'grooming' an minor? That would really have popped a cherry on top of the cake.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Numb-badger said:


> Absolute AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :smthumbup: :smthumbup:
> 
> The ending couldn't have been better!
> 
> Did she also get arrested for 'grooming' an minor? That would really have popped a cherry on top of the cake.


No, but she was "warned" (threats of arrests, lawsuits, etc.).

She begged my friend to take her back, but he wouldn't. Said that her actions showed that if she thought for one second something better was out there, she'd be gone in a flash.

Amen, brother.


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