# Over run and overly tired.



## Sunflower_83 (Sep 5, 2013)

hi All,

I am kinda new here, been reading a lot so I finally decided to post. I can't really talk to anyone.

I have been married for 4 yrs, i have 3 year old and I live with my in-laws in a 2 BR apt. both me and my husband work full time and hubby is in school full time trying to finish up his B degree. He has been in school for the past 4 years we have been married, and I have been taking care of the home, our son and now his parents too. I know he appreciates me and he tries but our sex life is down the drain. I mean maybe 1 or 2 times a month max. Our son sleeps right next to me, and his bedtime is pretty much when i go to bed around 11. He wont sleep without me, and really just wants me to tell him a story and put him to bed, and usually by the time i do that we are both knocked out. Husband comes home from school around 9:30 eats dinner, and doesn't come to bed till 1-2 AM after he finishes up his school work, and that's when he wants to get intimate. I am sorry at that time i am in a deep sleep after the whole day working, coming home making dinner, getting DS all ready for bed etc etc. BUT then i wake up every morning with this HUGE guilt on my shoulders as to why I didn't even try, I mean he never says anything, but I know he is getting frustrated. i mean i even go as much as drinking coffee after dinner to make myself stay up, NOTHING works, once i hit that pillow i am out! This summer has been really rough for us, with him in summer school, work, financial problems, I know he is really stressed out. we get 0 alone time, and when we get a chance to be free we devote it to our son cuz we are away from him so long.

Also I just found out my SIL is getting D cuz she found her H cheating on her, and the main issue was lack of sex. 

Just need some advice, i mean he keeps saying that we are young, and in our prime, we should be doing it every night, but really I have NO ENERGY!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Do you have insurance? Perhaps you could be checked for thyroid problems, anemia, etc. - various things that result in fatigue. Of course, your circumstances aren't conducive to a good sex life, either, so another possibility is mild depression.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Is there an opportunity to have sex in the morning? Perhaps you can discuss a plan with your husband. I would think, if he doesn't know already, that he would appreciate the fact that you are troubled by this.


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## Sunflower_83 (Sep 5, 2013)

Yeah I do have a case of thyroid which i am taking medicine, i dont' think it's depression, because honestly i am a very easy going person that I don't ever really let anything get to me besides this now lol.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It appears to me you need more alone time with your husband. 

One thing I think you have to do immediately is wean your son off of sleeping with you. The longer you let it go the harder it will get for him. 

Can you get your in-laws to watch your son from time to time while you have some intimate time with your husband?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

You know, we accomplish what we set as a priority. Why is your 3 year old staying up until 11! And at three, he is a big boy and needs to sleep without Mom. 

There is no excuse for neglecting your sex life like this. Carve out time, even if it means having relatives or a babysitter watch the little one for a couple of hours. Have sex in the AM. Try sex between dinner and hubby's studying.

Stop making excuses and start making whoopee!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I too am wondering why the 3 year old is up till 11. Even if he sleeps with you he should be going to bed around 8. My youngest slept with me but I snuck out after she fell asleep.

If you did this then you'd have from 9:30-11 (your bedtime) for sex. Your husband could then stay up as late as he wanted while you slept.

Win/win but first you've really got to get your kid to bed earlier.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

why are you taking care of his parents?
Stop doing that.

You have to organize your life so that Marriage comes first, children second, school third, other people after that.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

OP states that she lives in a 2BR apt with relatives. It doesn't sound like she has a choice about where her child sleeps. My suggestion would be get out of the place once in a while and find some place out of the home (law-enforcement approved) to be intimate. 

My wife and I lived with my parents for several months once years ago for financial reasons and the sex absolutely stopped, and that was before kids. She said she couldn't feel comfortable doing that in their home. 

You need to prioritize your marriage and your sex life, not only for your own sakes but for your child's. Keeping your love life strong is vitally important to keeping your family strong.


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## Sunflower_83 (Sep 5, 2013)

I agree, my son needs to learn to sleep on his own. It's just we put him to bed later so he doesn't get up to see me go to work, if he sees me going to work -- oh lord he throws crying tantrums. He usually sleeps around 10:30-11 to about 9-9:30. Plus we are not with him all day so we let him stay up so that we get to spend more time with him. No but i promised myself that I will put him down that I will let him sleep on his own.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Hicks said:


> why are you taking care of his parents?
> Stop doing that.
> 
> You have to organize your life so that Marriage comes first, children second, school third, other people after that.


Ha, tell my wife that.
Maybe give the morning thing a shot.....what I would give for some morning head

So it's been 4 years, is he almost done with school?
The school/work/kids thing is a handful, don't ask how I know.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

You simply have to fight through the no energy and make your sex/alone time a priority. No matter what. No excuses. You and your husband are the foundation of that little family of yours...if your connection goes away, sad to say..a lot of times so does the family unit. 

I work full time, go to school, take care of 2 kids and I also have a man to please (and vice versa). I won't go to bed until I have given everyone (including myself) the attention deserved. You have to _*want*_ to make the time.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stop letting your son control your sex life. So he throws a tantrum? Who cares? If you keep on giving in to him, he'll keep doing it. Kids are smart enough to be trained to keep doing what gets them the results they want. 

Of course, even if you get him going to bed at a regular time, he's sleeping in your room because of your living situation... Not sure what you can do about that, unless you get the in-laws to avert their eyes for 30 minutes while you get things done on the sofa... You really need to stop giving money to the SIL and work to living independently. 

And yes, marriages do fail because of a lack of intimacy. Even if there's no cheating, they can still fail because of the resentment that grows over time. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aldrin (Aug 25, 2013)

Tell him, tell him, tell him... he would love to work with you on it... and if he doesn't shame on him. Us guys just want to have intimacy, that's all. It would make all the difference for me to know my wife actually gave two ****s about my feelings here. (she doesn't) 

My wife doesn't have a job, is a stay at home mom in a beautiful home and could practically care less about our sex life, and that's if she's not telling me I have unrealistic expectations about sex. (once a week would be fine if it was actually once a week, which it isn't)

I'd say hes a lucky guy, go talk to him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Get the youngun out of your bed and put him in his at a reasonable hour. A 3 year old doesn't decide when or where he sleeps. The odds of anything happening with Sprout in the bed is about nil. The kindest thing you can do for that child is to build a strong marriage with his father. If the marriage fails, your son will suffer. Kids without a biological father in the home do less well academically and they have lots more problems with delinquency. They also are more likely to grow up in poverty. For whatever reason, you've been putting your marriage on the back burner. It needs to be moved to the front burner. Your marriage is the foundation upon which all this other stuff rests. What's the point of your husband going to college if he has to use his future salary to support two households and a kid he rarely sees? What's the point of taking care of parents if it costs your own marriage? Fast forward 12 years in your mind. Your kid is into dope, suspended from school, and sitting in Juvenile Detention...again. His outlook for a bright, happy future is really slim. He has no idea what a happy adult relationship looks like or how to have one. We all make choices and we all must bear the consequences. Put the kid to bed around 8, nap till about 10:30, have a little supper waiting on your man at 11:00 and generally treat him like you appreciate being married to him and would like for that to continue. The one aspect of your life that is likely to provide the greatest and longest lasting return and it seems that it's your very last priority instead of your first.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

You sound like my wife. 

You might be tired, stressed, etc etc but the only message your husband is getting is that you'd rather do anything but have sex with him and that he's not on your priority list. Stop making excuses and start taking care of his needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Sunflower_83 said:


> Our son sleeps right next to me, and his bedtime is pretty much when i go to bed around 11. He wont sleep without me


No, you allow the behavior. What do you think would happen if you insisted he sleep in his own bed? Hint: The answer is not 'He will never go to sleep'



Sunflower_83 said:


> Also I just found out my SIL is getting D cuz she found her H cheating on her, and the main issue was lack of sex.


You definitely run the risk of him straying in a situation such as this and honestly who can really blame him?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Sunflower_83 said:


> hi All,
> 
> I am kinda new here, been reading a lot so I finally decided to post. I can't really talk to anyone.
> 
> ...



Good for your hubby working full time equally supporting you and still going to school to better himself. This is a good man. :smthumbup:

So by the time he goes to bed, 1am ish?, you don't want sex? Ummm, you don't have to have a sex marathon at 1am. It could be a quickie, 5 minutes you know. Not difficult. Sex doesn't have to be vaginal. You could give him an oiled hand job, BJ, oiled foot job, use your breasts, etc. Quick and done. Save the longer more meaningful sex for say weekends.

Yes, men have affairs because of the lack of sex and same with viewing porn. We don't want to do this or hurt our women, but we are sexual beings and you can't deny us what we need because you aren't in the mood or have a low sex drive. Men are built on testosterone and need sex to be mentally and physically healthy. Little to no sex, why be with him then?

I've heard some crazy excuses why the ladies or LD spouses don't want or need sex. And then they get angry and blame their HD spouse, really?!

I say, give him quickies, something different every time. Talk to him about what he would like that is quick and having sex at 1am is tough on you.

Your hubby is more stressed than you are because he works full time support you and still goes to school and does his homework until 1am!!!

If he's home after work, before going to school, give him a quickie. Every time you have say 5 minutes, once a day give him a quickie. Not difficult or even time consuming. But if you won't even do that, don't be surprised if he meets someone at school.........

Wish you all the best.:smthumbup:


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I'm sorry, but if my husband expected sex at 1am and I have to get up and work a stressful full day, I would feel he was being inconsiderate.

Is this all about the men and their needs? What about a very tired and stressed mom and her needs? I agree they need to find more time for being intimate, but no one here seems to the least bit concerned about her. 


It sounds to me, and I could be wrong, but it seems it is all about the men and their needs. Women are simply there to serve them, according to many like Cuddle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

So, to summarize
you BOTH work full time
you care for home, child, and in-laws
you husband attends school full time
you have a three year old who is awake until you go to bed

Personally, I think you are carrying the burden here. Being a caregiver for a child and your in laws on top of working full time must be utterly exhausting--emotionally and physically. I'm not saying that your husband doesn't have a full load with work and school, but he is getting out of the apartment and (Im' assuming) can interact socially with others. Your stress is different than his. If I worked full time and then had to choose between school and being a caregiver for my "other job", I would choose school. But that's just me. 

This is one of those situations where you and your husband have to have an honest conversation about priorities. You just can't have it all--and at this time, it's sex that is on the back burner. If you both decide that there is no wiggle room to change how you are currently doing things, then you both might have to accept that sex is going to be infrequent. 

It sounds to me like your SIL's divorce is weighing heavily on your mind. Have you talked to your husband? Asked him how lack of sex is affecting how he feels about you and the marriage? How contentious an issue is it between you? Does he sympathize with your situation, or does he just expect you to "find a way?" I'm sure wants more sex, but does he EXPECT more, given the circumstances? If he feels like he can't carry on without more sex, that he might be inclined to cheat or to start to shut down emotionally towards you before you get through this difficult time in your lives, then it is time to rearrange your priorities. 

I'm sure he has a lot invested in school, but could he cut back on the load, drop to part-time, or take a semester off? Could you (or he) work part time instead of full time? Have you tried scheduling sex for immediately after your son goes to sleep, and then your husband can study after? 

I'm assuming your in laws can't take your son a night or two a week after your husband comes home so you can have some alone time together to have dinner and then have some physical intimacy, but is there any way you could take him to a friend or drop-off day care facility on the weekends for a few hours? 

I have three kids--I know that "sleep training" is a complicated issue. I don't disagree with the posters who suggested you get him to bed earlier, but I also know it can seem like an insurmountable challenge, and that it's often fraught with feelings of guilt and uncertainty. If you are willing to give it a try, then I like Mavash's idea of getting him to bed before your husband comes home so you two can focus on one another. (Notice I said FOCUS ON ONE ANOTHER--not FOCUS ON HIM.)

Your needs are not being met either, I suspect. It could be that you just accept that for the time being, but don't put yourself last in this equation. I don't think it's fair to expect you to perform sexually in the middle of the night after an exhausting day, with another on the horizon. I'd be firm about not giving in very often, and your husband should be appreciative when you do. Or, if you do decide that you can accommodate him when he comes to bed once in awhile, ask him to accommodate your schedule just as often. 

This is an issue that you BOTH must address and find a solution for--it's not your burden to bear alone. 

Chin up, both of you! --You are married for better or for worse. Right now might be a "worse," but you are both working hard, so better times are coming. Love one another hard, even when you can't have lots of sex. It might seem like your youth is passing you by, but if you can stick this out with your love and intimacy intact, you'll be all the closer for having pushed through a tough time together.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jd08 said:


> You sound like my wife.
> 
> You might be tired, stressed, etc etc but the only message your husband is getting is that you'd rather do anything but have sex with him and that he's not on your priority list. Stop making excuses and start taking care of his needs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry, but this comes across as all about his needs. Because nobody else has needs right? True her son needs to sleep by himself and they need more couple time, but he's not entitled to sex at one in the freaking morning because that's when he's ready. Geez, this is an issue for them to work out together. I don't see where hubby has come to her to discuss it. They need to work together to find a solution to this; it isn't simply a case of her not meeting his needs. That attitude makes people come across as self absorbed. He could easily come to her and say "honey, I feel like our sex life is suffering. How can we work together to change that"? Since he hasn't done it she needs to do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Great post Life! I doubt her needs in other areas are being met either, but some here are just focusing on the husband's needs. Remember she works FT too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm sorry, but this comes across as all about his needs. Because nobody else has needs right? True her son needs to sleep by himself and they need more couple time, but he's not entitled to sex at one in the freaking morning because that's when he's ready. Geez, this is an issue for them to work out together. I don't see where hubby has come to her to discuss it. They need to work together to find a solution to this; it isn't simply a case of her not meeting his needs. That attitude makes people come across as self absorbed. He could easily come to her and say "honey, I feel like our sex life is suffering. How can we work together to change that"? Since he hasn't done it she needs to do it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



This is about THEIR needs and the needs of the marriage. I don't see anyone saying she should just put out every evening at 1 am..the OP is the 1 identifying the issue and seeking help...she is concerned about the state of the marriage. A couple of the posters above seem to be projecting their own issues into this thread. Physical intimacy is not a "husband's" issue... It is a marriage issue!

I find the comments that the OP's needs are not being met very telling. 

IMHO everyone's needs could be better met by a simple change in approach. Get that kid to bed at a reasonable time and make each other a priority


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

KanDo said:


> This is about THEIR needs and the needs of the marriage. I don't see anyone saying she should just put out every evening at 1 am..the OP is the 1 identifying the issue and seeking help...she is concerned about the state of the marriage. A couple of the posters above seem to be projecting their own issues into this thread. Physical intimacy is not a "husband's" issue... It is a marriage issue!
> 
> I find the comments that the OP's needs are not being met very telling.
> 
> IMHO everyone's needs could be better met by a simple change in approach. Get that kid to bed at a reasonable time and make each other a priority



Why would you find it telling? Because men are entitled to sex with no regard to anything else? She is not allowed to have needs? Or must mens need for sex always be met before his wife is allowed to have any? Plenty of men understand why this scenario can't work. My hb and I have a pretty good sex life but if he didn't work with me to make sure my workload was manageable that might not be the case. My point was that this is a more complicated issue than his needs not being met, and it does a disservice to both the OP and the marriage to frame it like that. They've both got too much on their plates and will both need to make some changes so that their sex life can improve. I don't buy that he should necessarily be able to continue just as he is and it's on her to figure this out. It's a no brainer that son needs to sleep by himself but OP has too much on her plate, and hubby should be part of that solution.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Funny how the ladies here say, its all about her hubbies needs and not hers.

When she got married to him, she is not her own anymore, regardless if she is a stay at home mom or works a full time stressful job like all of us and same goes for her hubby for her.

She is to take care of his needs and if that means 5 minute quickie sex every 2 days, which take no time or effort, then that is what she does, out of love for him.

Now he is to take care of her needs as well. So if she needs cuddling on the couch and emotional support, he is there for her, but I doubt a 5 minute quickie of that would be sufficient for her.

Quite making excuses and take care of your man. No sex for long periods of time, makes him sexually starved, weak, may lead to sexting, porn and even an EA and PA.

My wife now works the more demanding and stressful full time job. So to help her out, I do some chores every day just before she gets home from work, listen to her day and cuddle on the couch. She loves this and relaxes. Do I get what I need, sex, NO!!! Only when she says she has the time or is in the mood, not taking care of my needs.

I would also have your son start sleeping alone.

you BOTH work full time
you care for home, child, and in-laws
you husband attends school full time
you have a three year old who is awake until you go to bed

Your hubby is bettering himself, working full time and going to school full time. 16 hr days??? And all he would like is some sex now and then, quickie?!


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Cuddle, you said earlier that she should be willing to give him a quickie at 1am. I think that sounds a bit unreasonable for someone having to get up early and go to work. I'm not saying they don't need to have more intimate time; however, 1am is unreasonable. Why would you advocate that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Geez nobody is advocating that it's all about her needs. We're saying that when this argument reduced to it being about HIS needs the situation is not helped. They both have needs to be met, this is where a conversation is in order. He wants more sex (we assume) and she's overwhelmed; both of these need addressing. Clearly some men are so wrapped up in their entitlement to sex when and how much they want it they can't consider anything else. I'm done here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

tennisstar said:


> Cuddle, you said earlier that she should be willing to give him a quickie at 1am. I think that sounds a bit unreasonable for someone having to get up early and go to work. I'm not saying they don't need to have more intimate time; however, 1am is unreasonable. Why would you advocate that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I hear what you are saying but I am not saying she must have sex at 1am with him.

I am saying, make the time to have quickie sex with him, at least once every 2 days, whenever they get the time. And a 5 minute quickie is nothing. This is not a sex marathon. Then when they have some more time together, maybe weekends, have the quality sex.

Why can't the in laws take care of their son, so they can go our for a quick dinner and sex or am I missing something here?

If my wife woke me up at 1am during the work week for a quickie, I would go along with it because its not every night. Now if I woke up my wife for a quickie, its I'm tired and go away. Nice double standard. Oh, and I also work a stressful full time job, do most of the chores, bills paid early, grocery shop, landscaping, etc. weight train and maybe get 5 - 6 hours sleep a night and I'm not complaining.

Something else to consider. Raising a child is stressful but enjoyable at the same time. Going to school full time, is very mentally demanding, stressful, many tests, pass or failure, pay high fees for books and tuition, etc.....and after working a full time job? He will be wiped but still does this and wants sex now and then, maybe at 1am.

If 1am is all they currently have, then make the best of it because it won't be this bad forever. He chose to go back to school, so when he's done, she can perhaps get a different job, less stressful and he makes more to support them.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I hear what you are saying but I am not saying she must have sex at 1am with him.
> 
> I am saying, make the time to have quickie sex with him, at least once every 2 days, whenever they get the time. And a 5 minute quickie is nothing. This is not a sex marathon. Then when they have some more time together, maybe weekends, have the quality sex.


We don't know if she has offered 5 minute quickies. We don't know if 5 minute quickies are would satisfy him sexually, or if 5 minute quickies would satisfy her sexually. All we know about five minute quickies is that they would work for YOU. 



CuddleBug said:


> Why can't the in laws take care of their son, so they can go our for a quick dinner and sex or am I missing something here?


OP said she cares for her in laws, but she didn't say in what capacity. It's unclear to me, too, whether or not they are able or willing to help with the three year old, or who watches him during the day while OP works. 



CuddleBug said:


> If my wife woke me up at 1am during the work week for a quickie, I would go along with it because its not every night. Now if I woke up my wife for a quickie, its I'm tired and go away. Nice double standard. Oh, and I also work a stressful full time job, do most of the chores, bills paid early, grocery shop, landscaping, etc. weight train and maybe get 5 - 6 hours sleep a night and I'm not complaining.


It's not a double standard--middle of the night sex is not for everyone. I'm not saying that she shouldn't find a time that works for you BOTH, or that she should NEVER give in to the odd request, just that to say that she should do it for you because you would do it for her doesn't take into account that people are different. 



CuddleBug said:


> Something else to consider. Raising a child is stressful but enjoyable at the same time. Going to school full time, is very mentally demanding, stressful, many tests, pass or failure, pay high fees for books and tuition, etc.....and after working a full time job? He will be wiped but still does this and wants sex now and then, maybe at 1am.


School is enjoyable, too. Again, which situation an individual would find most stressful is up to the individual. Also, when we are under a lot of stress, the grass always seems greener. When I was at home with a couple of toddlers in diapers, I would have killed for the opportunity to swap my situation for working and going to school. 



CuddleBug said:


> If 1am is all they currently have, then make the best of it because it won't be this bad forever. He chose to go back to school, so when he's done, she can perhaps get a different job, less stressful and he makes more to support them.


Or maybe he can have his turn working and handling child care so she can have a turn to work and go to school.

Not trying to bust your balls here, Cuddle, just want to emphasize this this obviously is a busy and stressful time for *both the OP and her husband* and that the burden rests on them *equally* for making time for the intimacy that is needed to sustain the marriage.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

I cannot believe the number of kids that rule the roost....

There was another post where the 5 yr old slept in the parental bed. The OP's child stays up until 11 because he'll throw a fit? Who the heck runs the home? A 3 yr old or the parents?

Put his little butt to bed at a reasonable time for a 3 yr old, and in the morning when you leave for work, let him find out that Mick Jaggar was right...you don't always get what you want.

Then MAKE time for your marriage...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

His needs, her needs, his burden, her burden....does any of that matter on the day you wake up and find yourself alone as a single mother or father?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Presumably you pay your inlaws rent for living with them? This being the case, would it not be better for you and your H to rather use that money to move into a small, inexpensive place of your own? Even it were a 1 bedroom flat (to start off with), it would allow you and your H to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room so that you're sleeping separately to your son. As things stand, I should imagine morning sex, even, could be pretty 'risky,' because of the possibility of suddenly finding yourselves being watched by a 3 year old...

In the meanwhile, your son really does need to be got into a proper sleep routine, OP, because 11pm is way too late for a child of that age. You also need to get him into a bed of his own (preferably with a screen between your beds), because this severely limits any possibility of intimacy between you and your H. Perhaps your H could then join you in bed at a reasonable hour, and return to his studies whilst you get some much needed sleep.

You mention looking after you inlaws? Who looks after your son whilst you're at work?


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> His needs, her needs, his burden, her burden....does any of that matter on the day you wake up and find yourself alone as a single mother or father?


On that morning, perhaps not. 

But folks on this forum are often trying to navigate AWAY from that sad harbor. And, when undertaking a journey, we sometimes seek guidance on the best route from fellow travelers, and from those who have reached happy destinations.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> On that morning, perhaps not.
> 
> But folks on this forum are often trying to navigate AWAY from that sad harbor. And, when undertaking a journey, we sometimes seek guidance on the best route from fellow travelers, and from those who have reached happy destinations.


Not sure what your point is. Straight up, is making your marriage a priority important or not? Because the consequences of not doing it are pretty severe.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Not sure what your point is. Straight up, is making your marriage a priority important or not? Because the consequences of not doing it are pretty severe.


Just that life is complex. While it can be easy to identify things that might improve a marriage (especially marriages that are not our own ), and while we can all agree that making marriages a priority is a good idea, making changes can be harder than "just doing it." 

If it was as easy as "just doing it," there wouldn't be people here looking for advice and support.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Now he is to take care of her needs as well. So if she needs cuddling on the couch and emotional support, he is there for her, but I doubt a 5 minute quickie of that would be sufficient for her.
> 
> Quite making excuses and take care of your man. No sex for long periods of time, makes him sexually starved, weak, may lead to sexting, porn and even an EA and PA.


Or maybe he can have sex with her while she's sleep?:scratchhead: They live in a 2 bedroom apartment with their inlaws, she's taking care of the inlaws and the son. I think she's entitled to a full night's sleep.

Or maybe the hubby is not satisfied having sex with a half sleep wife.:sleeping:


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

The best solution for the OP is to try to find their own place, but that maybe beyond their means right now. She gets a pat on the back for being concerned about their sex life right now during this stressful time in both of their lives, she needs to concentrate on finding someone to look after the kid while she can get quality time with her hubby or to go and find their own place so the son won't have to share the bed.


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