# Abuse



## Ipman (Sep 11, 2012)

I have a problem with my sister in law my wife's sister is married to a real ******* who abuses he in every way besides physical for now. Since she is really the type that gets stepped on obviously she is completely manipulated.
For some time now we be been telling her she needs to stand up for herself but now we got into a big fight with them because of the advice that my wife was trying to give to so much hat had to tp in and physically threaten him.
But he's a first class ******* who cares only about himself and wants her to stay home with their two kids and be his slave and he tries for her to have barely any contact with her family.
Bu now after our fight he lets his wife talk to mine still but on a tight leash and I don know how to save her I know she want out but she two kids with him but I still think she should divorce.

Any advice


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Mind your own business.

Your SIL is an adult and can make her own decisions (obviously has decided to stay with this guy). Your and your wife's interference makes it harder, especially if your involvement almost leads to physical violence (which, according to you, has not been an issue).

You can make it known to her that if she decides to leave your will be supportive but otherwise this is SIL's battle to fight.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I'm going to disagree here - if things are at the point where you being concerned/involved might lead to physical violence, things are already beyond the pale. Many women have been severely injured, if not killed because of the whole "don't make it worse" / "she's an adult" mentality. 

Ultimately, no, you cannot force a woman to leave an abuser, and them having two children who are young, will no doubt make things more complicated. You can, however, inform her that you and willing to help if things get worse/she decides she wants to leave (are you willing to let her and the children live with you?), and that you care for her.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Oh no, do not ever mind your own business over this. My ex h is abusive and almost took the life of my daughter and I in one of his rages!

One thing I did was stand up for myself which always resulted in explosive arguments on a daily basis! My ex h held me hostage in my own home before holding me against my will. It was a living hell!

Tell her there is nothing she needs to justify for leaving. The abuse alone is enough. My ex h stalked me for a year after I left him.

I was the breadwinner, paid all the bills, cooked, cleaned and put the baby in daycare while he was partying and sleeping with other women. Life was pure hell! No one deserves to live this was.

My ex h sees all women as his slaves. I truly believe my ex is a sociopath. He also has diagnosed BPD.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

There are hotlines for abused/battered women. If and when she has had enough, she can contact them and they will provide her with the support she needs to get out safely. Leaving an abusive mate is very dangerous and should not be taken lightly, neither should the abuse.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Most of us end up in situations of our own creation. Nothing good comes out of getting between a family member and their spouse. It makes Thanksgiving and Christmas difficult.


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## georgia girl (Oct 17, 2012)

I wish someone had stepped in to help my mom leave my stepdad.
He beat the crap out of us almost every weekend for years.
The law was no help because of his family connections. They would lock him up until his Uncle could get there to take him home.
He put me in the ER twice at the age of 12. She was to scared to leave because he said that he would kill every member of family if she did. My grandmother has the bullet holes in her house to prove that he meant business. I thank God that he finally died of a heart attack. HELP HER IF YOU CAN !!!!!


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