# Going through a separation with hopes of reconciliation.



## mrblack (May 2, 2011)

On March 3rd my wife told me she wanted a divorce. To say the least it hurt like hell. Even as of today we are still living under the same roof. We get along okay and have made progress towards reconciliation. We had a talk one evening and I was ready for her to move out. I could not take being in the house with the woman I loved and her not sure how she felt. That same night her parents offered to help her find a place to live. They are buying an investment property for her to live in while we are separated. This made her and I both happy. That happiness was short lived because buying a house takes time. I finally asked her when was she going to at least start packing. That really upset her and we had a very long talk. First the talk was more of an argument then it turned into a discussion about the future. During this discussion I laid out what I was planning on doing. I told her that I want her to have her space so that we could have a chance to rebuild our marriage. I told her I wanted to be able to date her again and treat her like she deserved to be treated. She was very open to this. She said she might even ask me out first. This was really cool. I few nights ago she said she was open to reconciliation because she has no idea what the future holds. She is no longer focusing on a divorce she is calling it a separation. 
To give you all a bit more insight on why we are separating. We have been married for 8 and a half years and have a beautiful 7 daughter. Right after our daughter was born and I decided to go back to school to get my degree. Well after I graduated I could not find a good job and fell into depression. I was in a deep depression for about 2 and half years. I was doing drugs and going out whenever and not be a very loving and responsible person. This is and was not like me. The depression had taken over. Right before she dropped the bomb I was coming out of the depression. I was on the verge of finding a job. Now since she has dropped the bomb, I have found a steady solid good paying job. I have become more active in my daughters life and am being more like the man she married. I did gain weight during my depression but have changed my diet and have been working out. I have lost 25 pounds and am working on about another 15 or so. I am hoping that this time away will allow her to heal because I know I have hurt her. I have apologized to her and I know that has helped. I am also seeing a counselor and this is helping me cope. I refuse to allow myself to go into a rut of depression like I did before. I am not just telling her that I have and am changing, I am showing her. 

My parents, her parents and our friends think that we are soul mates and are meant to be, as do I. 

My question is do you think I am going about this and do I have a chance to actually save my marriage because I want to save it. I want to make her the happiest woman on earth.


----------



## Gammyleg (Jan 12, 2011)

Mr Black

Our circumstances and the way you arrived at your current situation are so similar only mine was for a much longer time.

I really believe that you have caught this in time and your W seems to be agreeable to reconcile.

You have done everything right so far in making changes but you must keep them up and you must be doing them for BOTH of you.

I hope that your outcome is better than mine.

Gammy


----------



## mrblack (May 2, 2011)

Thanks Gammy,

I am making permanent changes. These changes are a new lifestyle for me. 

I wish the best for you as well. Do as I am and keep the hope alive. It will save you some grief.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Mr. Black, you are certainly on the right track...I've been separated 6 months, lived together the first month before she moved out...she was so set on divorce, that she changed the beneficiary on her life insurance policy (just found this out last week)...

Things are on the right track now, I'm staying sober...we spend a lot of time together, a lot more relaxed and we've found a way to communicate without arguing...still much work to do and I have no idea when we will be back together permantly, but I'm doing my best to make sure it happens...

Some things to keep in mind...it will be a roller coaster, sometimes you will feel like a yo-yo as she lets you get close, pushes you away, pulls close again...so on...

Addiction takes time to heal, build trust...don't expect her to trust you again...learn to trust yourself first, then she will too...

Be the best Dad you can possibly be...whether things are going good with your wife or not....BE THE BEST DAD YOU CAN BE!...the wife and you might not make it through this, but that girl will always be your daughter!

Don't beg, argue, plead...get on your knees, whatever asking for more chances, earn those chances...

When she does move out, give her that space you promised...don't hound her, text her, call her, email her...give her that space and work on losing those extra pounds, read...go to counseling...find some spiritual guidance in your life...be able to look yourself in the mirror, like what you see and be able to be okay no matter what is going on...

I am sober for nearly six months (with only a few lapses...one is too many, but doing better) but my wife remembers my last binge like it was yesterday...I thought when she left, good riddance, who needs love...turns out, I do!

Good luck, God Bless...and keep us posted...!


----------



## mrblack (May 2, 2011)

DjF said:


> Mr. Black, you are certainly on the right track...I've been separated 6 months, lived together the first month before she moved out...she was so set on divorce, that she changed the beneficiary on her life insurance policy (just found this out last week)...
> 
> Things are on the right track now, I'm staying sober...we spend a lot of time together, a lot more relaxed and we've found a way to communicate without arguing...still much work to do and I have no idea when we will be back together permantly, but I'm doing my best to make sure it happens...
> 
> ...


I was only smoking pot but that bothered her big time. I have been clean for 10 months. My daughter is always at the top of my list of priorities. With my wife still in the house is try to give her space. It will be easier when she is not at the house. I think we both need to be apart so that we can miss each other. Thanks for the input.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mrblack (May 2, 2011)

I had a meeting with my counselor last night and got some good input. I have felt that my wife has been giving me mixed signals. Through the discussions I had with my counselor I decided to has a short talk with my wife, and tell her I want to limit our conversations to only our daughter. She agreed. She actually had the same idea. I did tell her that I love her and am hurt, but I will be okay. I told her I still want to save my marriage and make things right between us, and she said that we can limit our discussions to only our daughter until we start to work on us again. I cannot start to work on me or her on herself until she moves out. I feel that is going to be the best for us. She needs time to miss me and I need the same. 

She is already having trouble sticking to the plan because she sent me a few texts this morning that had very little or nothing to do with our daughter. I feel as though she is confused about her feeling and I feel she still has very strong feeling for me. I think the fact that I am pulling away some scares her. I could be wrong, but I need to give her her space. I also need mine. Luckily my new work schedule is opposite hers and we will see very little of each other for a while. I think this is going to help a lot. I sure hope it does. I do get frustrated with her but I love her so very much. She is my soul mate and she even agrees about that. 

I just have to keep telling myself that in time it will be better.


----------

