# Moving from divorce limbo to reconciliation



## CrazyBeautiful1

I am now six days into my R with H. We were separated (same house, most nights..) for almost 2 months. Two days before our first anniversary I confided in him and told him that I had reached the point where I needed to know if we were moving forward, or going our separate ways.

I explained that all I had ever wanted was to be his wife, and that I was tired of waking up each day feeling like I was nothing. Surprisingly, this conversation ended with him hugging and kissing me and telling me that he loved me, and that I am still very much his wife. We are now preparing to spend our 6th night in the same bed, after 2 very long months of sleeping on the couch.

I implemented the 180 within the first few weeks and stopped trying to save our M. I worked on myself and focused on things that would improve my life with my daughter, without worrying about his place in all of it. He was surprised by my lack of begging and pleading, and immediately became interested in my change of heart.. It took a few more weeks, but he finally woke up and now we are slowly working towards a better life.

My best advice to anyone hoping to R.. Don't give up, don't lose hope, but don't waste all of your energy on saving your M. Use that energy to improve yourself and make yourself happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stretch

Thanks for the smile!

Good luck in your journey, I hope your marriage becomes something better than each of you could have hoped for.

Warmest regards,
Stretch


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## cdbaker

Thanks for the update/story!

One thought, somewhat from experience, is don't change to old habits. The 180 did a lot of good and may have brought him back around, but if the issues that pushed you both apart aren't fixed, it'll probably just repeat itself. I think some elements of the 180 are worth maintaining with regularity.


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## This is me

Great news story. Not to dampen it, be aware that it is still a roller coaster. Her MLC took her to wanting to D, then when I 180 and showed strength in accepting I may be moving on, she came back to me, but a few months later she up and walked out for 4 months. 

We nearly D after the 4 months separation, but in the final hour when I was talking with lawyers, she changed her mind. I took several more months for her heart to show again.

It was all worth the wait. It required me to be very strong, patient and forgiving.

Wishing you all the best!


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## CrazyBeautiful1

cdbaker said:


> Thanks for the update/story!
> 
> One thought, somewhat from experience, is don't change to old habits. The 180 did a lot of good and may have brought him back around, but if the issues that pushed you both apart aren't fixed, it'll probably just repeat itself. I think some elements of the 180 are worth maintaining with regularity.


Thanks for the tip! I will definitely keep some of it up. I know in the past we have quickly slipped into old habits, and I'm working hard to prevent that this time. As of now, we are openly communicating about all sorts of things, which is new for us. Sometimes things will randomly pop up, and instead of fighting or ignoring it, we talk through it.

Over the past weekend there was something that happened that made me angry.. As soon as I realized how petty it was, and that this was a big part of our problem, I made it a point to let him know that I wasn't truly angry, just a bit of an old habit I guess. I kissed him and our night continued on. Amazing how I was able to catch myself being a little crazy! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CrazyBeautiful1

This is me said:


> Great news story. Not to dampen it, be aware that it is still a roller coaster. Her MLC took her to wanting to D, then when I 180 and showed strength in accepting I may be moving on, she came back to me, but a few months later she up and walked out for 4 months.
> 
> We nearly D after the 4 months separation, but in the final hour when I was talking with lawyers, she changed her mind. I took several more months for her heart to show again.
> 
> It was all worth the wait. It required me to be very strong, patient and forgiving.
> 
> Wishing you all the best!


Thanks for sharing! I know this is definitely still a crazy ride, yet it's one I am more than willing to be on, as long as he's on it with me!

We've moved quickly in some aspects, but I am still protecting myself at this point. It was nice to be reassured that he was never truly considering D, but I know we both have a lot to prove to each other at this point. I am fully committed to making this work, and have been open with him daily about everything that comes across my mind.

Although I am fearing that one of us will change our minds, I'm slowly getting over that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sms0422

This is me said:


> Great news story. Not to dampen it, be aware that it is still a roller coaster. Her MLC took her to wanting to D, then when I 180 and showed strength in accepting I may be moving on, she came back to me, but a few months later she up and walked out for 4 months.
> 
> We nearly D after the 4 months separation, but in the final hour when I was talking with lawyers, she changed her mind. I took several more months for her heart to show again.
> 
> It was all worth the wait. It required me to be very strong, patient and forgiving.
> 
> Wishing you all the best!






The link for MidLife for Dummies is absolutely SPOT ON with regards to the behavior my husband has displayed over the course of 8 months. I am so glad I saw your link. Thank you!


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## CrazyBeautiful1

False R.. 6 months in and all of the same problems have slowly resurfaced for the past few months.. When I brought them up, I was told that I was making something out of nothing.. I'll be updating my thread in Going Through Divorce or Separation...as that is the path I'm headed down once again!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/132882-really-happening.html


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## Mr Blunt

*Were the actions (180) that you took a few monhts ago the right way to go?*


*I though tht the outline that you posted in your first post on this thread was great! Am I wrong?*


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## CrazyBeautiful1

Mr Blunt said:


> *Were the actions (180) that you took a few monhts ago the right way to go?*
> 
> 
> *I though tht the outline that you posted in your first post on this thread was great! Am I wrong?*


They definitely were the right way to go, but I fooled myself into thinking that I was doing it for ME. I went along with it, thinking deep down that it would bring him back. I did the same things that time that I'm doing now, but I'm no longer doing it to bring him home. I'm working on me, and letting him go.

I believe the 180 is crucial, but it has to be intended to improve yourself, rather than your marriage... and I kept lying to myself last time.. Which is why I'm pushing myself harder now. I don't simply want my H to come running home because I changed a few things, and gave him an ultimatum... I want HIM to change, and that will NEVER happen.


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