# For those that divorced, after attempting R?



## buford (Jan 9, 2014)

I guess really for those that divorced whether you attempted to reconcile or not. The question is, if you divorced as a result of a cheating spouse, how long after D-day did you make that decision?

Did you know immediately? Did you act immediately or did it take a while to sink in?

If you attempted to reconcile, how long till you knew it wasn't going to work?

Was it false R or a genuine effort (on both parts)?

Was it an EA or a PA?

*If you had children, did that impact your decision on if you wanted to try R or not?

*Do you think it's ever too late to decide you can't forgive the affair?


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

buford said:


> I guess really for those that divorced whether you attempted to reconcile or not. The question is, if you divorced as a result of a cheating spouse, how long after D-day did you make that decision?
> 
> Did you know immediately? Did you act immediately or did it take a while to sink in?
> 
> ...


My story is not at all the norm, but here are my answers:

1. Divorced about 3 years after D Day, after multiple separations and attempts to work it out. 

2. So, not sudden, but I did file very quickly after asking him to leave for the final time (after sortof a second D Day....just an attempt/placing an ad online I caught)

3. After being divorced for a few years, we did reconcile. Took about a year to realize it failed.

4. It was a totally genuine effort on my part. Honestly can't say for him. He's the one tearing our family apart again.


----------



## musk-rat (Mar 10, 2015)

Myself I tried for 4 months in false R with truth trickling. On the 3rd month I thought I got all the details. She just left one night during the 4 month and finally said she slept with the OM. 

So after 4 months of trying and a few days without her, I decided I had more respect for myself and did not need her in my life and filed the papers.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

After all the trickle truthing BS (EA going to PA) I knew I'd never forgive or forget. He wanted to reconcile but...whatever. Obviously anyone who did what he did doesn't know what they want. I certainly don't want to be wanted after he's sampled other goods.

I don't think it is ever "too late" to decide that you can't forgive the affair. A couple that tried to help me after D-Day had "survived" an affair long term. The thing that blew my mind was 30 years later it still somewhat defined their marriage. It was still an open wound. I knew I didn't want to live life like that.


----------

