# Reasons he doesn't want sex?



## woe_is_me (Aug 12, 2009)

We used to have sex often when we first got married. After I was in my second trimester it all went downhill from there. We are hardly intimate unless I make a big deal out of it. He doesn't even hold me when we sleep anymore. I know men sometimes might not want as much sex while their spouse is carrying their child, but it's almost been a year since I gave birth and I can count how many times we've had sex on one hand. I'm still a little overweight from my pregnancy, but could he seriously not want me because of that? He's up for a hand job or oral at the flip of the switch, but when it comes to sex I'm left high and dry. I always try to ask him why he doesn't like to be intimate with me anymore, but he will never tell me. Can anybody tell me a few reasons why a guy can be like this? I thought it was supposed to be the guy wanting sex and the woman holding out after marriage, not the other way around. Can someone be that unappealing to her husband that he won’t meet her needs every once and a while?


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## pulse (Mar 24, 2010)

Could it be something to do with him not wanting another child at the moment. It sounds a bit like he's more than willing to engage in sexual activity so long as it's nothing that could lead to another pregnancy (not sure if the oral you give is reciprocated). 

Am wondering if your previous pregnancy was planned?


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## pulse (Mar 24, 2010)

Another thought - have you actually asked him why and if yes what does he say.


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## woe_is_me (Aug 12, 2009)

pulse said:


> Am wondering if your previous pregnancy was planned?


Our pregnancy was 100% planned. I had an unplanned pregnancy right before then but I had a miscarriage.


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## woe_is_me (Aug 12, 2009)

pulse said:


> Another thought - have you actually asked him why and if yes what does he say.


Whenever I ask he never tells me anything. It's like he'd rather sit in silence then answer. So I usually end up silently crying myself to sleep cause I'm stuck with the assumption it has something to do with me and he just wont tell me.


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## pulse (Mar 24, 2010)

No doubt some people will disagree, but I'd be inclined to stop giving hand jobs or oral if my partner was not willing to reciprocate and/or to communicate about why he doesn't want intercourse. Intimacy needs to be a two way street and it's not fair for anyone to always be the giver. 

Easier said than done, but don't automatically blame yourself - I'm no expert but there could be a range of reasons why his libido or desire for you might have diminished - stress, hormones, guilt, depression, resentment or even an affair. Is everything good apart from the sex?


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## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

I agree with not going out of your way to please him sexually. Maybe that will spark him to want to talk about it.


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## MMA_FIGHTER (Feb 2, 2009)

woe_is_me said:


> We used to have sex often when we first got married. After I was in my second trimester it all went downhill from there. We are hardly intimate unless I make a big deal out of it. He doesn't even hold me when we sleep anymore. I know men sometimes might not want as much sex while their spouse is carrying their child, but it's almost been a year since I gave birth and I can count how many times we've had sex on one hand. I'm still a little overweight from my pregnancy, but could he seriously not want me because of that? He's up for a hand job or oral at the flip of the switch, but when it comes to sex I'm left high and dry. I always try to ask him why he doesn't like to be intimate with me anymore, but he will never tell me. Can anybody tell me a few reasons why a guy can be like this? I thought it was supposed to be the guy wanting sex and the woman holding out after marriage, not the other way around. Can someone be that unappealing to her husband that he won’t meet her needs every once and a while?


 heres the cold hard opinions. he is either seeing someone else, or got someone else on his mind and has already talking to her.....or, he is really lazy and doesnt want to put in the time to actually have sex with you and would rather just lay there like a slug and take a handjob or oral....i say stop the hand jobs and oral and tell him if he wants it, come and get it...


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## woe_is_me (Aug 12, 2009)

pulse said:


> Is everything good apart from the sex?


Depends on the day it seems now. I like the saying "happy wife, happy life" and what makes this wife happy is getting some lovin'. So life isn't too happy right now. Things are horrible, but they aren't great either.


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## woe_is_me (Aug 12, 2009)

MMA_FIGHTER said:


> heres the cold hard opinions. he is either seeing someone else, or got someone else on his mind and has already talking to her.....or, he is really lazy and doesnt want to put in the time to actually have sex with you and would rather just lay there like a slug and take a handjob or oral....i say stop the hand jobs and oral and tell him if he wants it, come and get it...


I think I'll go with the second option and go with laziness. He isn't the best liar or good at keeping secrets from me (I always find out about things not too long after they happen). At this point he doesn't seem to even care about getting hand jobs or oral anymore. 

I'm pretty much at the point where I am gonna head down to Lover's Package or whatever and get myself and vibrator and call it quits with our intimacy issue. It's not like the sex is that amazing that I have to have it, it's the issue with why he wont be intimate with me.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

another thought as to why. what kind of delivery did you have? my 1st was normal and he was ok with it and enjoyed sex when i was prego and all but then it slowed down much like your story,,, i finially did stop giving (that is a key) and eventually he opened up..

2 things for him he said (we had sex after) it was not as tight? ok and he also said he was thinking of me as a mommy?? ok at least i knew

i read books (that is what i do) and there are excersies to tighten down there and i started them... well here we are years after 6 and things slowed down again but mostly because of live but nothing to do with not being tight

all i am saying he may have in his mind something small nothing to do with you per say just the process in general.

stop pleasing him if you not getting it... and watch him to make sure not on the look elsewhere and if not getting he will open up.


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## gerrypony (Apr 14, 2010)

I know exactly how you feel. I've been married 18 months, and never had a truly intimate relationship with my husband. He rejects me all the time, barely making love once every 2 or 3 months. Unfortunately, I can only offer sympathy rather than advice. I cry many nights, wondering what it is about me that turns him off so much, while he lays snoring next to me. 

I do have a vibrator. It helps with the tension and relieves a bit of stress, but does nothing to the loss of physical and emotional connection. We want to feel desired, and with our husbands rejecting us, we lose a huge part of ourselves. 

I am sorry for what you're going through. I wish I could offer you some advice, but I am at a loss myself.


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## arianavatum (May 16, 2010)

I'm in the same situation. I have been married for 12 years and sex has never been great nor frequent but now it has gotten to an unbearable point: no sex at all. I think last time was around october or november 2009. I have no idea why. Every time I ask him he says he's too tired. Tired for months? I'm not that dumb.


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## w.s.winstonsarah (May 4, 2010)

OK not sure why yhese men are not wantign their wives, Maybe its me but I cant get enough of my wife (well at this point the pill has her screwed up but we are in the process of trying to fix that) when she wanted it she got all of it loving ,kissing, holding you name she got it. I just dont understand some men and why they do want the wife!!! 
They need to becarefull when one man dont want his wife there is another man who will take her.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Maybe he just watches a lot of porn and gets off to it so he's not interested in sex.

Some men might also get turned off because they witness a child coming out of that area...maybe this was the reason why men were not allowed in the delivery room in the old days lol


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

woe_is_me said:


> I'm pretty much at the point where I am gonna head down to Lover's Package or whatever and get myself and vibrator and call it quits with our intimacy issue. It's not like the sex is that amazing that I have to have it, it's the issue with why he wont be intimate with me.


I was planning on doing something like this too! I told my husband I'm going to enjoy myself whether he's there or not. But didn't really get a chance to go along with it, ended up having bigger problems and filing for divorce.


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## w.s.winstonsarah (May 4, 2010)

I just dont see the whole "getting off" on the pron thing, if nothing else it would make me want my wife that much more!! But hey getting a toy for your self pleasure could be a good thing maybe the husbands would realize she could be satisfied with out him. I still dont get it I cant lay, sit, or hug or anything to my wife and not think that she is the one who does it for me, and I could never deny her of her wants from me. I am just puzzled of some of these husbands on here.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

I have to agree with 'Cherrypie' but I never say no to cherry pie...porn is a real killer if done solo...way back when I first got married me and my stbxw watched a porn movie together(the only time) while having sex and she 'came' like a mad woman...she felt funny after and didn't want to watch them anymore...but honestly people lose interest in their partner sexually some sooner than others...wish I had the answer to keep it going 4ever...


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## HS_Sweetheart_1986 (May 19, 2010)

arianavatum said:


> I'm in the same situation. I have been married for 12 years and sex has never been great nor frequent but now it has gotten to an unbearable point: no sex at all. I think last time was around october or november 2009. I have no idea why. Every time I ask him he says he's too tired. Tired for months? I'm not that dumb.


I had no idea anyone else had gone this long w/out sex too. It's been since Oct / Nov of 09 for us as well. Married 18 years. I can ONLY think he is having an affair. We don't even discuss it anymore! He went away for work last week & I tried to give him an intimate kiss and he would not reciprocate! We need some help, but I don't even know where to start!


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