# Wife cheated, i'm alone to deal with it.



## Krahzee1 (Jul 4, 2011)

This post may ramble, I'm going to apologize in advance. (I'm also a little ignorant of the lingo here what does ea/pa mean?)

4 days ago I found out by accident/snooping (I got in my wife's email for an innocent reason and clicked on an email between her and her best friend that I probably shouldn't have) that my wife of almost 12 years messed up. She had a drunken fling a couple of weeks ago with a guy that I know she has been attracted to for a while (who happens to be her best friend's brother), there was a previous "near miss" with this same guy 18 months ago that nearly ended our marriage but I forgave her and I thought we were working through it. The worst part about this is that she is now pregnant (proven by a blood test, I am fixed) and she seems to be conflicted about what to do. I am humiliated and don't want to talk to anyone about it, the only person I would confide in is my sister and she already is still bitter about what happened before and is not very good at hiding it.

Let me first establish what I know to be true and what I believe to be true.

I know the date of the incident is true, it's the only possibility, otherwise we have been together or she has been with the kids.

I believe (beyond a reasonable doubt) that this is the only time anything beyond flirting happened between them except for the aforementioned "near miss"

I know she was exceedingly drunk that night because I actually picked her up shortly after everything occurred, so I believe that her impaired judgment was a factor.


I want to stay married to her, we have 2 kids and a great life, not to mention that our relationship seems to be a very good one (that's a hard thing to say in this context). The two of us are a great match in the sense we are compatible opposites, I love my wife, my family and my marriage. She seems to have hit some sort of crisis which has made her want to go out and party again, most of the time with me, but sometimes with her BFF, and that's when the potential to interact with this other guy happens. I have told her, without any doubt, that if she does not terminate this pregnancy, our marriage is over. I can not deal with all of the consequences involved on staying married to her if she proceeds with the pregnancy, everyone knows I am fixed, and the humiliation of admitting what has happened alone is more than I think I can bear, not to mention the impact on my children. (and please don't turn this in to an abortion debate) 

She has told me she is afraid that our marriage will never be the same and that she is not sure she can handle the lack of trust going forward. She is a very independent woman and has already had issues dealing with we me not trusting here from the incident before. I believed her (against all of my gut instincts) when she told me that she was in control enough to make sure it didn't happen again, there are a lot of times when I hate being right. She has also not been able to talk to the guy about her being pregnant, she just found out the day before I did, and when she texted him that they needed to talk he put her off til this weekend even though he seems to have a clue on what it's about (something I learned from the emails to her friend, not just what she told me) and hasn't contacted her since (one of the sidebars here worth noting is that it guts me to know that she is attracted to this guy who is obviously a ****ing dirtbag). 

I have made it clear what I want and she seems genuine in the fact that she still very much loves me but she just seems to be considering the idea of carrying this child even with the consequences. 

The bottom line here is that I am such an emotional mess right now, I am angry, sad, and humiliated one moment, hopeful and loving the next. I am trying to put on a strong face for my wife, one of love and caring, trying to show her that our marriage is worth saving and that I am willing to work at it, but with each passing day of limbo it is getting harder and harder to contain it all. I let some of it out tonight on our way home from fireworks, I let the part of me that feels victimized get the better of me and I said some things that hurt her and I wish I could take them back. 

I'm on this forum simply trying to get it out in the open, the anonymity of the internet allows me to be honest without the humiliation, I am hoping that it helps me cope and helps me keep my strong exterior, at least until she makes up her damn mind. I just want a path forward and it's all on her, I can't make the decision for her, and I am struggling with the wait.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Go to individual counseling. You need to heal yourself FIRST.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Whatever else there is no reason to feel humiliated. You did not make the choice to sleep with someone else. You did not become pregnant from it.

I agree that it would be next to impossible for me to stay in the relationship and have the Other Man as the Father. This would be unbearable but you say you have a good marriage.

Terminating a pregnancy even knowing the consequences may be too much for your wife. It is very difficult to NOT discuss that. What are HER views on that?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

1st as to the other man's child----If you allow her to have the child---you will have the other man in your life for the next 18 yrs-----and longer---also that child will prey on your sub-conscious if nothing else----so yes the child needs to be aborted.

You are not going about this in the right way----your wife cheated on you---prior to this, with this same guy---now she does it again, and please do not lower yourself to give her the excuse of alcohol, as the cause, she knew every step of the way what she was doing!!!!

She knew what was at stake, not only you, the mge, and her own kids------so there are no excuses of any kind for what she has done

You have stated that you want to help her, and love her, and, and that she should not be harshly judged and blamed----I am thinking you soft pedaled her 1st A., and that is why this happened again----she got away with it once, and you basically did nothing, now it has happened again.

You do not soft pedal this, this time----You lay down the law, you tell her what you want done, and if she doesn't agree, tell her to get a D., and bring this kid up by herself

This may sound harsh to you---but allowing that child---is gonna cause you a whole lot more misery, than you can even think of.

You have a lot of leverage, for the following reasons

Do you honestly think, your wife, wants to go out in the big wide world, as a divorced, now single mother of 3 kids, one not even being her H's, with a cheater label affixed to her---what do you actually think she is gonna find out there----very little, there is no one out there that will take care of her, as you have, but she needs some reality to realize that---obviously she is just moving thru life, living off of you, doing her part---but if she doesn't like what is going on, she doesn't seem to hesitate to getting drunk, and giving herself to another man.

She will have to work, at least one, maybe 2 jobs, just to keep her head above water, she will also have to, on her own take care of the kids, including a baby----she will have to pay all the bills by herself, that you paid as a married couple----life will NEVER be the same for her------you have plenty of leverage---USE IT

You cannot be Mr. nice-guy---there should be no lovey-dovey, and do not be so willing to help her thru all of this---she needs to grow up, and be accountable for HER actions---which have now destroyed the lives of her family, and all around her

If I may ask---why is she allowed to go out on her own, drinking, and if she has a GF, who is an enemy of the mge., why is she allowed to see her

If you decide to stay, and after this latest indiscretion, I don't know why you would, you need to lay out your boundaries, and she doesn't get a say-so---she MUST do all the heavy lifting to get back into this mge.

Know this, you will never trust her again---and be prepared for your sub-conscious to go to town on you---whenever you are alone---it comes with the territory!!!!!!


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## Krahzee1 (Jul 4, 2011)

I have made it clear to her, in no uncertain terms, that our marriage ends if she decides to keep the baby, let's get that straight.

I also know that alcohol is not an excuse, but merely a factor.

I'm not going to make excuses about her GF, I have allowed that to go on because I trusted she had her feelings under control, that was my mistake..

I am not trying to be "mr nice guy", I am trying to be "mr I'm not going to rub your nose in it for the rest of our lives" 

The dust is still settling from the bomb, and I know it's too early for answers.

also, a lot of things that have been said make a lot of sense, I just may be still in a little bit of denial.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Krahzee1 said:


> This post may ramble, I'm going to apologize in advance. (I'm also a little ignorant of the lingo here what does ea/pa mean?)


EA= Emotional Affair
PA= Physical Affair

Both are affairs, it's just that the EA, which is already hurtful enough, has progressed to the physical part (PA). You say that your WW had a "near miss", does that mean she almost screwed him last year? At the very minimum, your WW has been in an EA with this OM for a year now. I don't know if you have been monitoring email and phone bills, but it looks like you haven't if you had only accidentally found this out now. 

What you need to accept is that this was NOT a drunken indiscretion, yes alcohol played a factor, but the fact is she has been in an EA with her OM for a long time. She deliberately put herself in this position to have sex with him. You also need to know is that cheaters LIE. 

Another thing is clear: She values her "independence" more than her own marriage and children. She can't handle the lack of trust? She is the one who destroyed the trust. If she loved you and was truly remorseful and wants to the marriage to continue, then she would be willing to do anything to rebuild that trust with you. This *OBVIOUSLY* shows that she is not in the least remorseful about the affair (A). She is only guilty she got caught. And there is just no way in this world that you can even Reconciliation (R) with this woman if she isn't truly remorseful.

Like jnj said, it looks like you soft pedaled the first A, in other words, *you and her swept it under the rug *and tried to move on. That was a mistake and it is very common. When you try to R and the spouse does not meet the minimum requirements, what happens the vast majority of the time is that the A continues, and now this is the result, a pregnancy with an Other Child (OC). You should have held her accountable for the EA, by demanding No Contact (NC), full transparency with her handing over ALL usernames & passwords willingly, to any and all accounts, and full accountability of her whereabouts.

Like you said, everyone knows that you had a vasectomy. This is extremely humiliating and if she has this OC, then you will continue to be humiliated for basically the rest of your life with her. And the OM will be in your life also, and *the very sight of the OC will forever trigger* you and remind you of her infidelity. If she decides to have this child, then you have your answer about how she is really not committed to your marriage and family. We have a member here who's WW did terminate her pregnancy from her OM. She is committed and they are in R at this time. So you are not alone in this situation, especially in this forum.

I really don't know if this can be fixed because she has to make some very profound behavioral changes to save the marriage. And yes, she has to be the one to do the heavy lifting because she is the one who had the A and got pregnant with OMs OC. She may be too proud. If she is, then this is not a woman you would want to stay married to because *she WILL DO IT AGAIN, especially if she isn't remorseful at all*.

You need to put D on the table if you want any chance of saving this marriage. It sounds counterintuitive, but this is how you fight for the marriage. Provided she does not continue with the pregnancy, she must meet the very minimum requirements for R, or else you are looking for a repeat performance down the road.

Requirements for R:

1. NC with OM forever and ever. She must send a NC letter in your presence.
2. She must be remorseful! And that means she must own up to the affair and accept responsibility for it. She must acknowledge that the A was not your fault, that it was entirely her decision. She must be willing to have you monitor her.
3. Be willingly transparent. This means handing over all usernames and passwords to any and all email accounts, phone accounts, etc. Being accountable for her whereabouts.
4. Agree to IC (Individual Counseling) and possibly MC, once the A is over.

In your case, it certainly seems like her BFF enabled her affair. *Now you know that nothing good comes frome these Girls Night Outs (GNOs). *She should be prepared to go NC with her BFF too, because obviously, her BFF is no friend of the marriage. She should also be prepared that you will not allow her to go to a GNO for a while, or you are comfortable with it. If it was me, she would never have a GNO ever again. Sorry to say this, but *by allowing her to have these GNOs, you enabled her affair also*.

Like I said, if she doesn't want to do the heavy lifting above, then there is very little hope for your marriage and she will be doing this again later on down the road. AND you will probably never trust her again.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

I can't handle even thinking about raising OM's child- NO [email protected]#ING WAY! She goes through with it; you leave bro.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

You really think that you can have your wife abort her baby against her wishes and have any kind of relationship left? No way. 

Getting cuckholded is one of the most vile things a person could do to thier spouse, but you can't seperate the pregnancy issue here. 

I would seek out counseling.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

morituri said:


> Go to individual counseling. You need to heal yourself FIRST.


First? There's no part 2 to this. She's having another man's baby.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

_I can not deal with all of the consequences involved on staying married to her if she proceeds with the pregnancy, everyone knows I am fixed, and the humiliation of admitting what has happened alone is more than I think I can bear, not to mention the impact on my children._

Consequences or embarrassment? Because in this day and age there aren't any consequences other than financial. And who really cares what other people know. Maybe you need better friends. 

But here you have a wife who either pressured you or at the least agreed with your decision to have a vasectomy running around having unprotected sex with whomever and now she's knocked up. What year is this? 1930? Is there no latex on your planet? And if she was so intoxicated as to not know what she was doing, then 'he' clearly was sober enough to get it up and come in her. And do you believe that a man she's already had a past with suddenly came on to her? I don't. I think the odds finally caught up with her. And if the odds finally caught up with her then she never gave a **** what you think.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Fact, she can't be forced to kill her baby, without effecting every aspect of your marriage. Locard is right. Fact, you can't abide her having this baby. If she has it you will be waking up to the OMs face every day. No way. Decisions have consequences. Divorce her. You will be most likely able to get to work her and custody of your kids. Just by explaining that her taking care of the bastard will take up all her time and attention. Either love her and the child and keep the marriage or, divorce the skank.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ahhhmaaaan! said:


> I can't handle even thinking about raising OM's child- NO [email protected]#ING WAY! She goes through with it; you leave bro.


:iagree:

That's my opinion too. A deal breaker if ever I saw one. That's usually what happens when you forgive and forget right away and try to work on the marriage without any boundaries and transparency set up: The A continues, goes underground, and it just gets worse. 

I wouldn't even have R on the table. This is the ultimate in disrespect: You have a vasectomy, and now you're shooting blanks to prevent pregnancy, then she goes out and has UNPROTECTED SEX with OM and gets knocked up.


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## code7600 (Mar 20, 2011)

Get a lawyer now. Many US states have a presumption of paternity law. A child concieved and born during the marriage is legally the husbands. A post birth dna test often does not negate this. You could be on the hook to raise this child. In your state, having had a vasectomy, you may not be liable, Lawyer up now.
This is a huge hot button for me. Never got 2nd child dna tested...and i was clueles. Divorced now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Initfortheduration said:


> Fact, she can't be forced to kill her baby, without effecting every aspect of your marriage. Locard is right.


True. The decision is hers. NZHappy's wife discontinued the pregnancy from OM, hence the reason they are in the process of R.


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

Krahzee1 just please answer my questions

She cheated, any drunk person knows wrong from right, don't blame the drinking on this, she had flings before with same guy and gave you the drink as an excuse, and may she acted as she was out of it when you picked her up. 

is she really worth it to stay with? she has disrespected you in every way, not just you but also your kids, and now she is carrying the other's man baby.

it is funny how you put things together, " I wont leave her because she opened her legs to another guy, but I will leave her if she didn't kill the baby she is carrying"

she is carrying a life now, there is a new life inside her, its not the baby's fault, it is her fault and the others man fault.

that woman does not love you or have any respect for you or her children, LOVE come and Goes, Dignity and respect stays forever. 

what if she cheated again, lets say next year, or the year after? are you going to forgive her again? and If you didn't, how is different than her cheating now?

Cheating does not just happen Like " Opps I just dropped my Glasses, or Cup of tea on the floor" cheating is something planned and thought about for a while with full knowledge of consequences.

have you tested for STD, she didnt even freaking use protection, she could have given you and the kids some STD.

There are Plenty of women out side that would love to be with you and have a family with you, and will treat your kids better than their own mother. 

if you need my advice, take your kids and leave her, let the other Man get humiliated and taste his own Medicine and take care of unplanned Baby by paying child support. you have a good case to keep your house and kids and get child support from her since she cheated and got pregnant and caused emotional distress. 

if she forgive her and she comes back home and a month down the road she ask for divorce then you are the one who will be getting kicked out the house. Damn, and even the other man might move in and be a father for kids and the new kid while you pay the child support for him. 

don't think with your emotion but with your brain. put everything on paper and ask for advice, from your sister or friends you trust.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> First? There's no part 2 to this. She's having another man's baby.


He is of the mindset that he wants to save his marriage sans the OC.

Before he can save anything, he has to save himself FIRST.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

code7600 said:


> Get a lawyer now. Many US states have a presumption of paternity law. A child concieved and born during the marriage is legally the husbands. A post birth dna test often does not negate this. You could be on the hook to raise this child. In your state, having had a vasectomy, you may not be liable, Lawyer up now.
> This is a huge hot button for me. Never got 2nd child dna tested...and i was clueles. Divorced now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Go to the link below my signature. It has a lot of good information for fathers with regards to divorce.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

The child will be legally yours unless you seek immediate legal advice and take steps to end the marriage.


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## whammy (Apr 22, 2011)

Lets look at facts.

women are driven by hypergamy. They seek alpha and it doesnt matter if they are married or not. The minute the husband becomes less in their eyes they will find someone who will. You have one option in this scenerio. You can be the alpha or you can be the beta that provides for his wife while she is out riding alpha c*ck. The only way to be alpha in this situation is to walk. YES I SAID WALK. IF you dont want to move on atleast make it look like you are. She is disrespecting the sh*t out of you it is not even funny. The fact that she hurt oyu with this guy once already and you trusted her not do anything with him is a slap in the face ON PURPOSE. The specificity of this trust violation is a big deal. She went to the one guy she swore she would stay away from and let him blow his load in her. She didnt even have the decency to make him use a condom. She didnt even respect you enought to go to wal mart to buy a plan b pill the next day. That would have taken 10 minutes and 40 dollars. You say he is a dirtbag and but she letting him toss her around and put her off until the weekend while you are the one suffering. And you say she is out partying all time? Your conditions should be abortion and alcohol rehab AT A MINIMUM... if she she even wants 5 more minutes with you in her life. your about 2 inches tall in her world and you need to change that by being a 100 feet tall in your world...

your playing this all wrong and if you give in just to be with her you will regret it so much in the future, I promise.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You wanna know the worst indignity I find in that whole night---She had her H. come pick her up, after having sex with her lover

"Hey honey come pick me up---I just had sex with my lover of a yr., and a half, and I need a ride home"


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

K-
Like you mention before, let the dust settle, as the dust settles so will your emotions. One way or another you will find a way through this.
I suggest you prepare for the worst, I have a feeling your wife is not much into consequences so there is a a strong chance that she will keep this bastard child and you will kicking her out.

As much as you want to keep your marriage there is the option of adoption. I believe that since you are her legal husband the OM will not have a say in it, even if he doesn't care. People can change there mind.

Getting back to you, you need to step back and regroup, go work out and force your self to eat. You need your strength to make some very hard dicisions. Again take your time in thinking this through, and don't make any promises you can't keep. And when you do come up with a plan stick with and let no one try to influence you in changing from your plan. Keep in mind, you first choice is usually the right one.

Again let the dust clear, make a dicision and stick with it. I personally think you have already and she will keep this bastard and you will move on with out her.

Even if she does dumb the bastard, she will resent you so much the marriage is still doomed any way. It will just take long for you to realize it.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

That is probably your main prob.--If your wife wants the child, and she gives in to you, and has the abortion, how will she then feel about you, in that you made her give up a child she would have brought into the world

Other hand---how can you stand to see another man's child come from your wife

This is not gonna be easy---but if there is to be an abortion, you can't wait to long---there are time limits, as to when things can/can't be done

If possible, and you still want to---you and your wife must have a serious discussion, about the future of everything----and that also really cant be postponed, either


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Krahzee1 said:


> I know she was exceedingly drunk that night because I actually picked her up shortly after everything occurred, so I believe that her impaired judgment was a factor.


More likely she wanted to sleep with him the whole time and needed and excuse because doing it sober would make her look bad. Odds are it was premeditated.




> I want to stay married to her, we have 2 kids and a great life, not to mention that our relationship seems to be a very good one (that's a hard thing to say in this context).


Not anymore. This is something that will never go away and will on your mind years from now. 




> She has told me she is afraid that our marriage will never be the same and that *she is not sure she can handle* the lack of trust going forward.


It's all about her. She doesn't respect you.



> I have made it clear what I want and she seems genuine in the fact that she still very much loves me but she just seems to be considering the idea of carrying this child even with the consequences.


More lack of respect.




> I am hoping that it helps me cope and helps me keep my strong exterior, at least *until she makes up her damn mind*. I just want a path forward and it's all on her, I can't make the decision for her, and *I am struggling with the wait.*


Why are you waiting on her. Put the focus back on you.

Can you handles this? It doesn't sound like you can and I don't blame you. If my wife got pregnant with another man's kid I would have filed for divorce before she could finish her sentence. 

Life doesn't have to be this way, you can start over. As hard and scary sounding it is to leave, it would be much harder to stay long term. When the dust settles you will most likely regret not leaving the second you found out.

I'd say for now don't push her for answers, just start detaching and planning a future without her. It will take some time to get the strength you need but it will come. Try thinking with your head and not with your emotions because feelings change all the time.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Women, like men, sometimes cheat for the sex and excitement. At certain points in their lives and within their relationships they really want it and sometimes they fail to resist these urges. As ugly as this reality is, I think that this is pretty normal and it doesn't necessarily mean they are bad people.

However, your wife's actions, even if unintended, have completely ruined your marriage. And I don't say this lightly. She is now carrying his child and having an abortion will ruin the relationship and having the child will ruin the marriage. You have no options but to end the marriage now. If she didn't get pregnant, you would have the option of forgiving her for completely hurting you as a man (he was dripping out of her as you were driving her home). This is pretty bad but I don't think that this would necessarily mean the end. The pregnancy, however, does. Assuming it was unintended, it was a case of very bad luck. But sometimes fate can be cruel.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

I really don't think this chick(his WW) is going to give-up the baby... I can already see it- SHE IS NOT HAVING AN ABORTION, COUNT ON IT! So your only option is to "option-out" of your marriage. Sorry... but its true.


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## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

Krazee, some things you must consider. This is an 18 month affair, and NOT two seperate incidents. If she had had sex with a stranger then it would be, but because she went back to the same guy, this shows that she has been in intimate contact with him ever since the first , "near miss". I'm sorry to say it, but regardless of what she has said, her actions have proved that she neither loves or respects you, and is making no effort to acknowledge her guilt in this. If she has the baby, you will be expected to provide support, and she will respect you even less (if that's possible), You should, in my opinion, divorce her immediately and concentrate on protecting your kids and yourself, from an un-fit wife and mother.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

I'm in agreement with Dowjones, I highly doubt this is two separate incidences. Before you even consider R, regardless of the OC, you should try to figure out if you have the full truth or the tip of the iceberg. If you uncover more lies and sexual liasons regarding the OM, you might not want R. The dealbreaker might not just be the OC, but that she may have been having a full blown affair with this guy for over a year. If it's her BF's brother, there's been opportunity and cover. 

Your wife does not seem very remorseful and sounds like she's giving you fog talk. She may actually be surprised that the OM is not returning her calls. What are the odds that the one time she had sex with this guy, she ended up pregnant? I don't know how old she is, but the older the woman, the longer it takes to impregnate. Does the night in question match the gestation? You can approximate how many weeks she is by her Hcg levels. I'd have her show you her blood test results, don't take her word for it. 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, I have to say an OC would be a dealbreaker for me too. Whenever I think it could've happened (condoms aren't 100%) I feel my stomach drop. Nope. No way. I wouldn't want the OW in my life forever, I'd struggle with it and have constant triggers. Makes me sick to imagine, I may be strong, but I'm not that strong. Good luck, I hope your wife starts realizing what she's about to lose.


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

Krahzee1, my whole heart goes out to you. My worst fear is that my H's OW will end up pregnant. I hate to say it, but I know that I, too, could never even consider R unless there was an abortion.

That being said, it is a choice she needs to make & not be forced into. It also has to be her reasons if she chooses to abort b/c she is the one that will have to live w/that guilt. For some people, abortion is murder & is never an option. If she is one of those people, & she has the abortion only b/c you give her an ultimatum of the marriage or the baby, your relationship will never recover. 

I think you do need to think about yourself right now. Let her know it's too much for you, & then leave. Then she'll make her own choice based on what she wants. If she aborts, you can take steps to R. If she keeps the baby, you'll have already begun your steps to end the marriage. I don't think you can really deal w/the A until you know if she's going to have the abortion.

It is pretty ****ed up that she's saying that she doesn't know how she can move forward w/o you trusting her. That does sound more like a longer-term A & "fog" talk rather than a stupid one-time drunken mistake. Even if they haven't been having an A all this time, I don't get how the hell either of you were okay w/her socializing anymore w/this guy after the first one-time thing, the near-miss. I trusted my H (too much), & I could have also forgiven one near-miss mistake, but no way would I have been cool w/him hanging out w/that girl after the mistake.


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## DoveInTheMud (May 25, 2011)

jnj express said:


> You wanna know the worst indignity I find in that whole night---She had her H. come pick her up, after having sex with her lover
> 
> "Hey honey come pick me up---I just had sex with my lover of a yr., and a half, and I need a ride home"


My husband did that to me. 

He went out drinking with work colleagues, all the males left after a short time, he kept hanging out with the female colleagues. 
At 10 pm I get a drunk text from him (lots of spelling errors), that he'll be staying over in town - which seemed fine with me because he already told me about that possibility of staying with a male colleague if he get's too drunk to travel.
I was fine with that because he hadn't gotten out for over a year, we had a lot of stress, and so I thought it was good for him to let 'his hair down'.

At 3 am I get a call from him asking me to pick him up.
I find out he was at a female colleague's house, where the group of 5 went after the bars. Another colleague - female- asked for a ride home, too, since she lived on the way.

The good wife that I am,I pack bottles of water, gatorade, and headache medicine and drive out in the night to pick him up, and to drive this other person home, too.

I was mad though that I ended up picking him up from a woman's house, but feeling 'safe' because he wasn't alone with a woman, since several other colleagues where there, too.

The next morning he confessed to me that he had gotten so drunk that he ended up naked on the floor with one of the colleagues making out, and they didn't have sex because (a) probably too drunk and because (b) another colleague walked in on them. AND IT WAS THE WOMAN I DROVE HOME!!!!

This happened in January, then I learned about additional infidelities early April that had happened over the past 6 years, and only two days ago he tells me that during the same night back in January, he also kissed one other of those colleagues.

The women he nearly had sex with quit her job within the week of the occurence, but the other woman he kissed is still there.


H is absolutely remoseful, swears he'll never touch another drop of alcohol again and that he maintained NC with 'all' of the women he had wronged me with.

Part of me believes him, knows he is genuine, and knows he has lots of really good qualities, but part of me also seriously doubts whether he CAN be faithful to me in the future.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> EA= Emotional Affair
> PA= Physical Affair
> 
> Both are affairs, it's just that the EA, which is already hurtful enough, has progressed to the physical part (PA). You say that your WW had a "near miss", does that mean she almost screwed him last year? At the very minimum, your WW has been in an EA with this OM for a year now. I don't know if you have been monitoring email and phone bills, but it looks like you haven't if you had only accidentally found this out now.
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey K---I don't know if you are still around, and still reading this thread---but one other thing, you should check on, in many states if that child is born, and the 2 of you are married, and you have taken no previous action---you will be declared that child's father-----some other's on here, might know more about this, but I think I am right.


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