# Wife's vacation plans



## joe (May 6, 2009)

My wife just told me that her Mom had booked her on a 10 day cruise in Jan. We have three kids in school. She had gone on a week long trip to Europe with her Mom and her Mom's boyfriend about two years ago, and then late last year went again for a week, just with the Mom's boyfriend after his mother died. Apparently he needed help with arrangements. I am totally against her going on a 10 day cruise. I think this is way too long to be gone from her family and feel she is being selfish to want to go away again. I travel quite a bit for my work, 3 or 4 times a month for a couple of days. I have never gone away without her unless it was for work. She feels she deserves a chance to get away. While I agree that she does, I have a hard time thinking 10 days is appropriate. I am also very upset that her Mom booked the cruise without consulting us, or at least that is what my wife says. They asy it is nonrefundable, and I feel like it's their fault for booking it without first talking about it. They say the price was too good a deal to pass up. I'd want to get peoples opinions on this situation. Each of us is convinced that the other one is totally wrong, and this is causing big problems with us. I have made it clear that it is totally unacceptable for her to go on this trip. When she went to Europe, I was not happy, but supported her and did not make life difficult, At that time, we discussed that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. The second trip she took was very hard for me to deal with. At this point, I really feel she is just being selfish. DO you think 10 days is too long to be away just having fun while your family is home?

Thanks for your advice.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Do you and your wife ever take nice trips like these together? Do they invite you on these trips?


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## joe (May 6, 2009)

We have gone a several nice trips. They are usually 4 or 5 days, and they are reward trips from my job (I'm in sales). We also go on regular vacations with our children. I've never bee invited, and not interested in going. I really don't get along with her Mom or boyfriend. This goes back many years.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You really need to rethink this. If you are gone a lot, she's bearing the entire burden at home, repeatedly. 10 days is not too much. Man up and let her have some fun to recharge for the next several months!!


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## BSHAW27 (May 4, 2009)

I couldn't vote because I think this answer is not a simple yes or no. I think she definitely should have discussed this with you before hand and I also think 10 days is a long trip with family at home. BUT I think she deserves time away as well. Like sister said she is bearing the entire burdon when you are on work trips and even though you are not 'vacationing' it doesn't change what she has to deal with being home alone with the kids. I too travel for work and even though I don't have kids I know it is nice to get away sometimes and my wife doesn't get to do that. So if she wants to go away for the weekend with friends I try to support her even though I wish she was home. 

I would try to have a rational conversation with her about how you feel without getting upset. I would let her go on this trip and just ask her to please make sure she talks with you ahead of time about any future trips.


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## joe (May 6, 2009)

I have no problem with her going away for a ladies weekend. I just feel that 10 days is going a bit overboard. I also resent the fact that arrangements were done without discussing it with me.


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## pickles2009 (May 5, 2009)

I agree completey with BSHAW27 on all points. I'd also like to chime in on what the real problem is. You are playing tug of war with your with. It's you on one end of the rope and her family on the other end of the rope. Until you resolve THAT issue, there are always going to be underlying fights that sometimes you win and sometimes they win. Further, what is the deal with going with her mom's BF for a week to Europe. Are there no gigantic red flags waving around here on that one? Is the BF going on the cruise? If so, are you sure that Mom is going on the cruise? This is a junked up situation. If you do trust your wife isn't cheating on you then you need to let her go and focus on fixing the issue with her mom ad the bf. Once that is resolved, things will be much easier between you on things like this. It's not going to be easy, but you need to do it no matter what if you love your wife and want to keep the relationship going.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I'd say 10 days is a good length of time for a vacation and she should go. It's not too long or too short but just right.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sisters359 said:


> You really need to rethink this. If you are gone a lot, she's bearing the entire burden at home, repeatedly. 10 days is not too much. Man up and let her have some fun to recharge for the next several months!!


:iagree:

i totally agree with sisters. i bet your wife gets pretty resentful of all the time you get to travel and get away. my H also travels for work, but i know he gets it pretty easy while he's away. 

The other issue is, of course, that they planned it without asking you first. that was very disrespectful.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

As someone that also travels for work, I have a problem with the viewpoint that by virtue of the fact I am traveling, that it is a glamorous mini-vacation. It sucks. It is rushed. It is stressful. It is draining. Sitting in airports or on planes for hours on end due to delays, missing connections, missing the meetings that were the point of traveling in the first place. I understand that traveling can be viewed as enviable, but it's by no means glamorous. It's your job.

And your missing the other piece. If she didn't consult him - that is now also 10 days that _he_ is unable to do his job. So is the expectation that he burns 10 days of vacation while his wife goes away?

The trip isn't the issue. The issue is the issue - and we don't know what that is.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Deejo said:


> It sucks. It is rushed. It is stressful. It is draining. Sitting in airports or on planes for hours on end due to delays, missing connections, missing the meetings that were the point of traveling in the first place. I understand that traveling can be viewed as enviable, but it's by no means glamorous. It's your job.


that's what my H says, too. and i can see that. i guess the part i see, which i dont know if this goes for everyone that travels for work, is that everything he does he gets paid to do. he gets to go out to fancy restaurants, hotels, tour the places that he's traveled, and other things. all paid for. I mean sure its work, and traveling can be tiring, but its work with some perks. the rest of us just work and there arent a whole lot of perks involved. especially if one is a stay at home mom.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Cuts both ways. On plenty of trips, I would have considered simply being able to go home at the end of an incredibly crappy day as a perk.


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## joe (May 6, 2009)

The road always seems more glamorous than it really is. Sure, nice restaurants, but no family meals. Fancy dinners with people you don't really know or even like isn't the best way to spend evenings. Early mornings, and late evenings in airports isn't all it's cracked up to be. There are a lot of worse ways to make a living, and I'm not complaining, but I really get tired of people not understanding the realities of being on the road. I'm just wondering.. how many of you would really leave your family for 10 days? It seems easy to say that someone else should, but to be fair.. Would you really?


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## BSHAW27 (May 4, 2009)

OK not to get off topic but as for traveling for work I spend about 200 days a year on the road for work and I hate it. My biggest issue is that it is very lonely. My job takes me to different places by myself where I don't know the people that are there. I have to eat all my meals alone so going to a fancy restaraunts don't have the same effect. I ussually go get fast food and eat in my hotel room alone. I have to go to my hotel alone every night. And when I am working I am ussually at a site where I don't know anyone and they aren't really happy that I am there. I am sure executives at companies that fly first class adn stay in fancy hotels have a different experiance but for us peons that just have to travel to do our regular jobs it is no picnic.

And don't get me started on the frustration of sleeping in airports or dealing with idiots at hotels and rental car companies.


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## Tr000thSeeker (May 11, 2009)

There is this underlying assumption that the wife should get _exactly_ what the husband gets! Who made that a law?
So why don't men bare children?
The question is: are men and women exactly the same?
One of the spouses was not part of the decision. That's the first thing that makes it unfair. If the wife complains that the husband has fun earning the income while she has to bare the burden of looking after the children, then there is a deeper issue in this relationship. There is burden in earning an income which you have to share with your spouse, as much as there is a burden in looking after children.
This particular incident is merely a symptom of more serious potential problems. And yes it is only fair for _both_ the spouses to get regular breaks from their routine responsibilities in the marriage.


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