# Loss of Intimicy



## LadyWolf15 (May 18, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 3 yrs now and it seems that already we've lost something. We tend to fight a lot over stupid stuff and I find that I'm continually getting irritated with him for how he acts toward me and others. However, he is a very defensive and argumentative individual so I find myself clamming up more often than speaking my mind for fear of starting a fight. I know this is not a good thing but it seems to be my first reaction if I feel that what I want to say may start a fight. I'm not sure if this is what is causing us to drift apart as I know communication is key in any marriage but I truly feel like I can't talk with him anymore. I feel like if I say anything that he may not agree with that I will start an argument. I know this is a snowball-type effect, if I don't speak to him, communication breaks down, we drift further apart... But at the same time, I feel that he doesn't care what I have to say and only looks for a reason to argue anymore. He's been doing this a lot lately and not just to me. He does it to people at the store if he feels like he's being treated unfairly, he'll do it to tech support on the phone... It's driving me nuts but again I can't talk to him about it because he'll argue with me and we'll end up fighting. Sadly, the times we do get along is only when we agree on something, which anymore seems to be less and less. And even then the times we agree, I don't feel like he appreciates me. There's no affection in his touch (when he does touch me) and the sex has lost all appeal to me, yet he insists on having sex quite often and will get mad at me if I turn him down. He'll often put the guilt trip on me and say there are times he isn't in the mood but will do it if I ask anyway, though he'll never bother to try to arouse me when I tell him I'm not in the mood. I really do love this man and no this isn't some needy girl saying this. We've had some great times together and when we do get along, life is good. I just wish I could do something about this feeling of walking on egg shells around him. I hate feeling like I can't openly tell him about what I'm feeling. We've gone to counselling before but our therapist (who was female) often interrupted my husband when he'd speak (a BIG no-no in his opinion) and he insisted we stop going claiming that it was doing nothing for us. I want us to get back to how we were when we were dating but I can't seem to get past this defensive barrier he has put up around him. Any ideas as to how I can talk to him without setting him off????? I listened to my parents fight too much as a kid and I absolutely hate it so I try my hardest to avoid it. There has to be a way to get through to him without his getting mad. Ideas??


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Please put in paragraphs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Try this book:

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Arun Gandhi: 9781892005038: Amazon.com: Books

It is an amazing piece of literature and if you can read it and truly absorb it, it can change your life.

Don't be afraid of the title. Their definition of violent communication isn't what most people would think it is.

This book can teach you to:

Understand your own feelings and know how to state them without starting a fight.

Understand what someone else is saying "between the lines", so that even if they get confrontational, you can understand their actual message and react to that, but not react to their confrontation.


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi dear, I can relate. My boyfriend of 3 years also gets very defensive and closed-minded at times. When there's something 'sensitive' I want to tell him, what I do though is try to withhold my tongue for a while, make sure things are cool first before I start talking with him. I often write them down or share to my bff instead of telling it to my boyfriend right away. It also helps the relationship when MOST of the things you discuss with your guy are POSITIVE  - mae


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