# How do you let go of resentment? Love him, but still mad!



## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

Well, finally it has come out. Funny how discussing my co-workers situation to my H, has made us 'think' of our own situaiton. Or I should say, made ME think. 

My co-work is having issues. Her's being massive lies form spouse, and the most recent found out of 2 women that she knows for positive are emotional affairs and by the text found and what they said, highly probably PA. Any how, she said her mom (who is greek) told her when she 'left the bed' he had to go else where. She's very old school and I guess this guess i her eyes this is justifyable? WOW!

Not getting into details of her, BUT, I ask H if that is what I've done to him? I asked him if he loved me still? He said yes, that he started selling his stuff to prepare for any decision I may make, not becuase he wanted to get rid of stuff he collected for years. Now that I hear this....it actually makes me even more mad! I point blank asked him, several times and he flat out said "I don't need it anymore, I don't want it anymore, it's just 'stuff'" I chalked it up to the religion. NOW truth comes out. Truth comes out becuase he states "he likes I'm coming back around". So....because I'm starting to show a little more affection to you, that makes you feel it's _okay to be truthful _now? Okay....more I'm thinking, more upset I'm getting. 

He swore he wasn't doing this behind my back for any reason. Just didn't want to 'bother' me with it. WHAT??? NOW you admit you were doing it for yourself!! AGAIN...back to what has been a long standing issue...SELFISHNESS!!! Why am I getting so upset? It's just stuff! Stuff we spent many, many days, weekends together searching for, collecting. STUFF that made memories for me. Not him. STUFF that due to the TIME we spent, made us BEST FRIENDS. MADE him feel he was on pedestal and that I worshiped him. So.....that STUFF left no memories for him? He didn't WANT to sell it but felt had to....just in case. WOW...what the hell did I do to protect MYSELF.......just in case? OH WAIT...I am the one who changed. I am the one who stopped worshiping....I am the one who lost sexual interest....I am the one who started hating getting undressed infront of her husband becuase she can't stand her own body....I am the one who deals with our daughter after he teases her to no end and she becomes braty....I am the one who deals with putting her to bed at night after he gets her all worked up right before hand......I am the one did what he wanted when he wanted the time he wanted the whole 19 years we've been together........ARRRRGGGGGG!!

Sorry...I'm on rampage. I was hoping our little chat would have made me feel better. Now, now that he tells the truth...and I keep repeating it in my head.....IM FURIOUS! Really? Really? OH...and yes, he turned to religon to find strnght and unbiased support thru God as I no longer was there for him. For him...sexually. But the his friend, the one who got him into it, or helped, I find it odd they started out talking weekly, like at least 2 to 3 times a week. Over last 2 months or so, don't talk now at all unless it's at church. What's up with that? 

So...he's glad I'm coming back around. Back around to what? He says to myself. What is myself? Hell, I haven't known me for several years. Who am I? I feel myself to him is the girl who was at his beck and call. Wanted nothing to do with the outside world. As he stated...put him on pedestal. Made him first in everything. He doesn't make me feel that way. I was laid up couldn't walk from major injury...and the very next day after being on some pain meds and muscle relaxers...he HAD to go to church. Didnt' think twice about me. We were going to nephew's graduation. They live out of state. I took off work so we could leave when he got home since he gets home early. Well, he didn't seem to think that was important as he didn't get home for almost 2 hours after he should have. OH wait...I'm sorry, that was because he was busy feeling good about himself helping some lady with wood or something that she dumped in middle of road out of her vehicle and he felt sorry for her.

Yes, I know I sould like a real B. I guess my point is, when it comes to something we are going to do that I've planned....the delays or lateness is to be acceptable, okay. But if reversed, I feel it's not. Oh...I dont' know. This whole finally being honest has just put me in a tizzy and I have not freakin' idea why. Why can I just not care like him. He even made comment when we were out of town with family one day....I only need to worry about me and me only. The comment was directed to a few relatives who cannot get around very well. And in my mind I thought "really?" Has your religion support and medication made you that insensitive? Really? Is that how we should live our marriage? You worry about you, I'll worry about me and screw everything else? Because if your able to be that way....then why in the hell am I literally making myself mentally sick trying to figure out how to make this work and not to destroy our daughters life??? Huh? WHY???!!!


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Marriage vows taken seriously?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Marriage vows taken seriously?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead: Me, him, or both? Lost me, sorry.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Yep. Resentment----puke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

We told you he was doing that. 

I guess you wanted him to not plan for the future without telling you he was afraid you were done. But you knew that was the case. I guess I don't get why you are so upset. If he now feels safe telling you the truth and you blow up on him, you will head back to square one.

Do you want this marriage? It really doesn't sound like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## broken1 (May 10, 2011)

WOW... You resent him for finding God even? I'm not sure I totally understand where you're coming from here. Sounds like you hate your husband. Also sounds like he knows this. So in preparation of a manifestation of your hate (divorce) he's packing light. Why all the sudden does his reason for getting rid of things bother you? You admit that he had previously given FOUR different reasons for selling things. Logic and math would suggest: AT LEAST THREE OF THEM HAD TO BE LIES! But, that didn't bother you.

Something inside you is eating you alive. Its not your husband anymore...


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

broken1 said:


> WOW... You resent him for finding God even? I'm not sure I totally understand where you're coming from here. Sounds like you hate your husband. Also sounds like he knows this. So in preparation of a manifestation of your hate (divorce) he's packing light. Why all the sudden does his reason for getting rid of things bother you? You admit that he had previously given FOUR different reasons for selling things. Logic and math would suggest: AT LEAST THREE OF THEM HAD TO BE LIES! But, that didn't bother you.
> 
> Something inside you is eating you alive. Its not your husband anymore...


I guess it's difficult to put feelings into words here. The thing with God, is very difficult for me to explain to anyone. I grew up in church, have my beliefs. It's not GOD I'm upset with. I don't know anymore and obviously not able to clearly explain. Thanks for time.


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

ClipClop said:


> We told you he was doing that.
> 
> I guess you wanted him to not plan for the future without telling you he was afraid you were done. But you knew that was the case. I guess I don't get why you are so upset. If he now feels safe telling you the truth and you blow up on him, you will head back to square one.
> 
> ...


It's very difficult for to sense and really grasp ones true emotional connect and feelings by just reading words on a post. Since I cannot find within myself to truly honestly say I absolutely do not want this marriage, I feel there is still plenty there to make it work. But when I'm made to feel like that I woudn't be where I am if it werent for him...then yes, I get a little pissy. We BOTH had said before anything would happen we would sit and talk out what, when, how to proceed. We, nor I have ever gotten that far. I've told him many times I do love him. HE himself has said manytimes, he knows I love him, and knows that I once really loved him and that's what he'd like to get back (more of the sexual side) Me too. But I can't get out of my head and heart the fact the things said make me feel like I should be 'privileged' to be where I am. That it's him who has put us at the level we are. Not US. The selfish attitude I guess , is the only way I can describe it, is what holds me back. Obvsiouly that's my problem not his.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You know it's not all that odd. When one of you becomes suddenly religious it's very hard on a marriage. People break up over it. It's like you suddenly are married to a different person who's either judging and condemning you, or you are, them.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

He didn't leave but he wasn't going to sit around not planning his future, the one that you are holding hostage.

I think you are selfish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

ClipClop said:


> He didn't leave but he wasn't going to sit around not planning his future, the one that you are holding hostage.
> 
> I think you are selfish.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE
> ...


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> He didn't leave but he wasn't going to sit around not planning his future, the one that you are holding hostage.
> 
> I think you are selfish.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, I totally agree. I think you are beinging incredibly selfish and self centered. I think you need to take a real hard look at yourslef.


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