# no Affection



## Sweetestkiss (Sep 21, 2015)

Sometimes I wonder why my husband is not affectionate only time he kiss me is when we leave out in the morning for work... There's no hugs, he doesn't hold me, he doesn't even tell me that he loves me only when we are on the phone and about to hang up ??? I don't know what it is ... I asked him if he loves me and he always say yes but his body language and his action sends me a different message


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Sweetestkiss said:


> Sometimes I wonder why my husband is not affectionate only time he kiss me is when we leave out in the morning for work... There's no hugs, he doesn't hold me, he doesn't even tell me that he loves me only when we are on the phone and about to hang up ??? I don't know what it is ... I asked him if he loves me and he always say yes but his body language and his action sends me a different message




How long have y'all been together? Has your husband always been this way?

My wife is the same. She is just not the touchy feely type and has never been affectionate. She is happy with our platonic relationship.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I you have not read the Five Love Languages, I suggest you do so and then ask your husband to read it.

Good luck.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Do you hug and kiss him? Do you touch him a lot during the time outside the bedroom? You have to be affectionate and then in responds they will learn how to be more giving.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Was he ever that way?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

The book The 5 Love Languages might open your eyes a little bit. It could be that he personally does not naturally receive love in those ways, and therefore does not give love in them as well.

If he used to be affectionate, and has now changed, is a different story.

If you would like for him to start being more affectionate, then communicate those desires to him. And ask him if he would start fulfilling them.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Is your sex life good - for both of you?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Is your sex life good - for both of you?


The answer is no.

Sweetest kiss. You could have been my wife describing me 20 years ago. The good news is that he could very well love you more than he has ever loved anyone else. That would continue that description of me in my marriage. 

The bad news is that he has no idea he is losing you. He still won't get it after you work up the nerve to start "talking" to him about it. He won't get it until he realizes you are gone. Then it all clicks into place. 

That's the standard cycle. And they're still not teaching young newlyweds how to look out for it and prevent it. It's sad, really.


.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

I'm a girl, here's my opinion. I grew up in a household that was not affectionate. My mother was distant and rarely hugged and kissed us kids. This was how she grew up so history repeated itself I guess. In my marriage, I struggled with giving affection. Now no longer together I make a point of embracing my children and telling them every day that I love them. Do you know if anything has happened in his life that could explain why he struggles with this?


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## Sweetestkiss (Sep 21, 2015)

He use too be very affectionate we been together for 9 yrs and married for 6 yrs, when we make love there's so intimacy he doesn't even kiss me during sex it's like I'm having sex with a stranger sometimes, when we are laying in bed he doesn't hold me, I just don't feel the love, it's like I have too beg for his affection...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Sorry I have no answers... But my wife stopped the passionate kisses several years after we got married. Sex slowed down significantly too. Several kids and difficult deliveries changed things. now many many years later I have refocused on passion in marriage. Ya know what? I just started passionately kissing her anyway. Was it awkward at first? I guess but I didn't care. I find her sexy and just decided to lead a bit more aggressively and doing what I needed.

Mind you she is a much more affectionate person than me she just didn't need the passionate kisses. But I know she enjoys them very much and so now it is a regular part of things.

So maybe don't overthink it and just plant one on at the start of lovemaking, close your eyes, moan and he'll get it. Hope that works.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

We need more information. What has happened in your marriage? SOMEthing made him pull away. What was it?


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## Sweetestkiss (Sep 21, 2015)

There is nothing I can say has happen on my end, I'm still loving and caring I always meet his needs only one thing I can say is that he want too be more like a stripper in the bedroom he wants too be entertained I always have too put on a show for him...I can't really say anything has happen


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Btw stranger sex can be pretty hot. Maybe he thinks it's to lovey dovey. Guys often want their W to be passionate and lust for them. 

Maybe mix it up if you aren't. If it seems disconnected, try dirty talk a little. Put on a persona. Teacher, nurse, boss, school girl... Oh mr Johnson I don't think I'm supposed to be doing this my mom is expecting me home from school soon!

I'm not making light of this - if there are other areas and it's not the typical work and kid related stress, then definite explore deeper.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I posted at the same time as you. Hmmm maybe it is the variety and excitement he wants? Tell him yes you can do that but you also need your affectionate time too. Aye more frequent so you both can get what you want?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then I'd say he either had a midlife crisis and wants out, or he met another woman so he doesn't want you any more.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maybe he's watching a lot of porn..... Porn is not compatible with intimacy and affection.

Some people can watch some and separate it from their actual relationship but some can't, and the more one watches the more intimacy suffers. Bonding chemicals are released to porn and most porn is not about intimacy, unless you're specifically hunting for erotica and most men aren't.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

There is too much going on in this marriage. He is not openly affectionate, he is not into sex, expect porn and when she put on a show. They are living in his mother's basement and sharing it with BIL and SIL. So their living arrangement is not conducive for romance to flourish. They don't have much intimate space for themselves, expect the bedroom most likely. 

Her husband is probably not able to get into the seductive mentality when his family is all around. So when he is having some quite time, he turns to porn to get a quick fix. He wants you to do everything because his head is in a different place and he needs to learn how to turn that off.

My take is to keep being affectionate to him. Touch him non-sexually when you are around other people. Give him quick kisses on his cheek if you cant kiss his lips. Hug him a lot. Rub his shoulder or back when you are together. 

What you are doing is getting him to become accustom to your touches. You are also, teaching him how to show affection. Eventually he would start mirroring your actions. This is going to take a while. This is not an instant thing that will suddenly happen. You would have to work on it, in order to create a responds and for him to learn this.

Another thing is you guys have to get your own place. You need to move out. Are you working? What do you guys do together as a couple?


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## Sweetestkiss (Sep 21, 2015)

Yes we are both working I work for NYPD and my HB is a truck driver, we do lots of things together Bowling, movies, dinner what ever comes to mind. We are looking to move out....


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Move out as soon as possible. The two of you will never grown into a team and create your nest if you keep living with the in-laws.

However, keep showing him affection. Keep talking to him about what you think is going on. And do things together, just you 2.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sweetestkiss said:


> Yes we are both working I work for NYPD and my HB is a truck driver, we do lots of things together Bowling, movies, dinner what ever comes to mind. We are looking to move out....


All those things cost money. Which you could be saving up to afford your own place. It will be hard for him to become a manly, romantic, affectionate guy when he's sleeping in daddy's basement.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

turnera said:


> All those things cost money. Which you could be saving up to afford your own place. It will be hard for him to become a manly, romantic, affectionate guy when he's sleeping in daddy's basement.




I agree. Environment plays a big role in behavior. When his family is around, his brain becomes divided into focusing on other factors. That is why alone time is crucial for intimacy, it focuses one's mind on the partner. Also, with family around, he is less likely to trigger feelings of lust, romance, and bonding.


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