# Sex? Have your wants changed over the years?



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Have your wants changed over the years? When I was younger 20's sex was sex. It didn't matter if it was quick, long, foreplay, no foreplay, I just wanted "snapper"!

Now pushing 40 I find I'm sort of picky! If I know it won't be the whole 9 yards: Wine, candles, just showered, tender kisses, foreplay, caressing, a few positions, and hopefully some toys I'm really not that interested anymore.


I don't know if it's because we have been together for 20+ years? Or I'm becoming sexually snobby? I did go through I time I as bored of everything (about 6 months), so I'm glad I'm not back there again 

We do have morning sex every so often when time permits, but I'm indifferent. I don't initiate it!! I have no desire for a hand job, blow job, unless it includes good sex. My wife is fine with 1-2 times a week, so we are good on that front.

Just wondering if anyone else has seen there desires change over the years?


----------



## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

A 55 year old male, I want it more than ever, you only live once, any way, anytime I can!


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

At 52 with diabetes which runs on my dads side of the family my body has definitely slowed down. Assuming my wife stays constant my calculation is that we will be a good match by age 60.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I'm far kinkier in my 40's than I was in my 20's . . . .


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Yes, definitely. Quality has become much more important than quantity. I also think like with food and wine your tastes mature, you delve into more of the things you like.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I find that I'm bored much more easily in my 40s. Good enough no longer is. I'll often turn it down if I get even a small hint that it will not be good and enthusiastic. Years ago we would have what I call 3 and done sex. No foreplay, mish, cowgirl then doggie to finish. Very routine. Very boring. She still tries sometimes to do that routine but I never play along anymore. I'm better at controlling myself and won't get hard without foreplay for starters.


----------



## HeartInPieces (Sep 13, 2013)

I’m a lot more verbal about what I want and how I want it, more dominant. Just more confident overall when it comes to sex. I owe a lot of it to hubby.


----------



## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

My wants and desire in itself hasn't changed much, but views on how it's delivered has.

Up through to my mid-twenties, I wanted it how I wanted it, on my own terms as I like sex a certain way, BJ's a certain way. I wanted to get straight to the point, all the things I knew felt good.

But now, at my mid-thirties point, I'm more into how my wife delivers. How comfortable she is performing certain acts, more of an "Show me your sex style." thing. 

Younger, there's no build up "My body's always ready" way about it. Today, it's seduction, I want to hear, see, feel that expression of love.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

In retrospect I realize I really was clueless in my 20's to early 30's. Mid 30's to mid 40's was a freak show and then the grave train came to a screeching stop.

I think we are trying to figure out the changes in our bodies. We have become much more patient with one another recently but I am not sure where this is all leading. I would like longer foreplay but she seems to be more anxious about getting to piv even though she is not as "ready" as she used to be. Like I said we are communicating a great deal. Yesterday I told her I think I am going to start on the vitamin V. Life is an adventure isn't it?


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Now pushing 40 I find I'm sort of picky! If I know it won't be the whole 9 yards: Wine, candles, just showered, tender kisses, foreplay, caressing, a few positions, and hopefully some toys I'm really not that interested anymore.


I thought for sure you were a woman


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I'm like GettingIt (except I'm not!!) - in my 20's and 30's I was 'straight'...no anal, prostate massage etc.

Now that I am late 40's I want to try anal and prostate massage..ie push the boat out a little.

Sadly my wife isnt even interested in 'straight' sex. So have to make do with my imagination. For now.


----------



## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

I was a bit of a prude for most of my life.

Have only been "experimenting" (hate this word) for the past 4 years.

Sex is much better now, that's for sure.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband has never changed, other than he would have enjoyed MORE romps in the past over today -he just turned 50...he is essentially a Romantic Sensual Lover...that is a core part of who he is.... it has always been about the emotional connection between us...if he even had a hint I was not interested, he wouldn't pursue -as that would crush him...

Sex was never "Just sex " to him...nor was it for me ..it's the deepest connection...it is empowering when you love...he has always preferred calling it >> "*Making Love*"...I wouldn't even be able to get him to say "F***" in the bedroom...

In all of our years together...and 19 of those I'd consider "vanilla"...2 positioned..we were even quiet lovers... YET I was wholly satisfied with our sex lives...the emotional connection was something undeniably felt between us...and we always orgasmed together..

When I hit my 40's, I wanted to get WILD, a little crazy, visit all those things we never tried, new positions, the sensual in me shifted to an Erotic Lover...a little hormonal boost can really mess with your mind, so I have learned....

He was  ear to ear to take that ride with me, even though he couldn't keep up... for the 2 of us... Sex is the highlight of our days...it's more than just the pleasure to us.. it's the ultimate giving of one self..being wrapped up in each other..


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

I have definitely came to desire more than the physical act of it. It is not good enough to just stick it in and go for it. Making it more emotional and sensual has made it better. Strange how that works.


----------



## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

Oh yeah, definitely have changed. Back in high school, college and even a little before marrying my W, it was all about getting it wet. I just want to get it wet and get off, and it didn't matter what manner the lady wanted to make that happen. 

Now, it is more about the love and the act. I won't really take the quickies from the W anymore as there is nothing special about the act. The only time I like doing that is if there is a reason we might get caught (kids) which makes it kinda hot. But other than that, I want like the OP says...the whole nine yards.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm more focused on my own pleasure than I used to be when I was in my twenties.Before,I didn't orgasm and that was ok as long as the man thought I was great in the sack.That's no longer acceptable and thankfully I have a husband who makes my orgasm a priority too.

Getting sexually selfish in my old age LOL


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm kind of on the other side of the boat from SB. I'm much more focused on trying to make sure my wife has a good time than I used to be. If she's not having a good time, I don't have a good time.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Definitely quality over quantity, romantic set ups, etc. Unfortunately along with Rolex quality came inverse Breitling quantity :rofl: and that's all she wrote.


----------



## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

Now that I am in my early 40’s I have noticed that I am done with the games. “Do you want to have sex or not?” When I was younger I would work so hard for sex, be the perfect husband and father, I would do whatever it took to try to get some action, now I am just over it. If it happens great but I am sick of the games that my wife wants to play. I am over it.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

It seems then that the so far is males start off selfish at a younger age and become more concerned about their partner as they gain wisdom and females start off more concerned with their partner at an early age and become more selfish as they gain wisdom. 

Both eventually trying to achieve balance but from different starting points.

Well I maybe I should hold off publishing my findings until we get a larger sample.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

For the first 17 or so years with my wife we had sex 2-3 times a month...I accepted that for whatever stupid reason. 

3 years ago, I woke up and wanted more sex. 2-3 times a week...I want quality as well as quantity. I've been putting my LD wife through so much here lately. 

Maybe I hit my MLC and decided I wasn't getting younger and wanted to have sex while I was still able.

Not sure where I stand at the moment. My wife is trying.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I thought of another...

when I was younger I wanted the stars and planets aligned,a fresh shower,perfect lighting and total romance before I'd have sex with my significant other.

Now all my DH has to do is give me that adorable half smile and say "wanna get naked now?" and it's on. LOL


----------



## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Once again, I wish wife would hurry up and come back home....


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

:


rush said:


> A 55 year old male, I want it more than ever, you only live once, any way, anytime I can!


:iagree: Yup I am 58 and want more than ever as well

I will be dead a long time
So I am getting as much as I can before the wheels start to come off


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Skate Daddy 9 said:


> Now that I am in my early 40’s I have noticed that I am done with the games. “Do you want to have sex or not?” When I was younger I would work so hard for sex, be the perfect husband and father, I would do whatever it took to try to get some action, now I am just over it. If it happens great but I am sick of the games that my wife wants to play. I am over it.


Skate - I am totally with you on this one. We're not 16yr olds any more.
You love me, you show me in my language - have sex with me and lets enjoy and bond together.

Don't say things like 'if you want a bonk I'm here' then walk out of the bedroom.

Of course it could be passive aggressive; I offered you sex, you declined so its your fault we don't have sex.
Yeah right.

Stop the games and smell the coffee.


----------



## Boogiemaster (Oct 11, 2012)

Yes they have changed 


Now after sex I have a coke burger and fries.


----------



## Chloesmum (Dec 27, 2013)

I'm a 49 year old lady and what's changed with me is my desire. I've always enjoyed sex but now could honestly have sex every day. I'm definitely more "in the mood" a lot more often than I did in my twenties.


----------



## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

This thread helped me to understand that I'm not alone in having greater aspirations with sex than when I was younger. With all of the threads about lack of sex when older, I assumed that others were just happier to get ANY after 40.

Increasingly as I get older, I want to reach new heights of intimacy in each sex session. I have some of our great encounters in my head and I want to reach and exceed those heights. I am less interested in 'the same old' sex (unless it's only for a needed release). I think of ways that we can reach these heights and unfortunately it feels like it's harder and harder to achieve. The balance of the expectations and aspirations in my head are increasingly not met in reality. I think this is for many reasons on both sides as well as the gaps between us. Physically there is no problem with performance on either side and attraction is still there. It just is more difficult to achieve a full immersion and the powerful lust that makes you lose control.

Increasingly too I find myself frustrated and disappointed at lost opportunities to achieve these heights of intimacy. With too much time spent working and under stress, when weekends come and go without good sex, I get frustrated.

By comparison, it seemed that in younger days I was much more relaxed about sex. I wasn't bothered with expectations or aspirations and we just did it when it came naturally. Sometimes it was great other times it was less so but I mainly just went with the flow.

Maybe others can relate to this?


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> Just wondering if anyone else has seen there desires change over the years?


When we were first together I was of the mindset that being care-free would help me to be a good lover. Any insecurities I had, I tried to get over them and just be in the moment with him. He helped to nurture that in me. The trust I felt with him, allowed me to be completely open in expressing myself, being playful, being in the moment to receive pleasure, and to enjoy giving him pleasure too. There was a lot of intimacy and touch between us. Then came a time where I lost some of that, we lost some of that together perhaps. I became more forward, lost some of the sensuality, my curiosity piqued with certain fantasies, and along with my attitude and other aspects of where we were at outside the bedroom, was not conducive to creating an open and seductive relationship.

On reflection, I view that my desire to be care-free to be a good lover all those years ago, had a certain amount of ego invested. Sex deserves to be the moment to strip away ego and be completely vulnerable. And that vulnerability starts outside the bedroom. I'm recognizing the part I play in that; for us to both feel safe and trusting to be open.

I have a renewed appreciation for the sensual times between us, the intimacy, simplicity, subtle flirtations, the fun to be had in that. Sexually I love experiencing when he pushes his own boundaries... when we do this with one another... when we can both be care-free and open and loving.


----------

