# Am I overreacting?



## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

Hello everyone. My wife and I have been together for 15 years and married for 13 of those years. We have three children, ages 13, 6, and 4 months. I received an email from my cell phone provider regarding the number of texts and data that we used for the month. I looked at the amount of texts and was staggered by the number to one particular number. I asked my wife who is this person and she said a co-worker. There were literally 30-40 texts daily to and from this guy. Curiosity was killing me and one night while my wife was showering, I took the phone and began scrolling through it. A few of the messages said "Be careful driving. You're so special to me. Love you." "You are one of a kind. Your wife is crazy. I would do anything to have a man like you." and "You have to decide what you really want. Same for me and my hubby. I have to decide what I really want for the rest of my life."

Should I be concerned? She swears they are only friends but I don't buy it. This is at minimum an emotional affair, maybe more. I have pleaded with her to stop and she refuses. I took her phone (which I pay for) and told her that I was no longer financing this. She said, "if you take the phone, I will go out and buy a new one." I don't want to be without my kids but I feel like this is eating me alive. I am afraid that she will try and take my kids! Can someone please help me?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

JW ask a moderator to move your original thread over here they do not like the same thread in multiple areas.
There is Amplexor, Deejo French Fry.


----------



## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Concerned? No, this is way beyond the concern. You should be angry, resolute, cold and unapologetic. You should stop begging as well.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I'll pm one.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/212418-am-i-overreacting.html


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your old lady lost respect for you don't lose anymore by begging and crying for this marriage.

Chicks dig confident guys.....Stop sharing your wife!

You can't control her but you can control what you tolorate. 

It will be up to her to choose to respect your boundries or not. Just like it is your choice to share your wife or not!


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

At least you don't have to worry about getting a VAR, a keylogger, or a PI. 

She's more than happy to provide you with all the proof you need.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Do you know what the 180 is?

What have you done to make your old lady second guess her choices?

What can you do to make your old lady think twice about her decision?

Does she under stand that her choices will bring a new reality to her way of life when you "refuse" to share your wife?

I think your old ,lady has your number...you ain't going anywere!

She Isn't going to lose you cuz you haven't done a thing to show her what she is about to lose!

You can't do this in a nice way so don't try!


----------



## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

I have a meeting with a lawyer on Wednesday. I am leaving as soon as I am told by my legal counsel to go. I dont want to risk losing my kids by acting hastily.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

JW2014 said:


> A few of the messages said "Be careful driving. You're so special to me. Love you." "You are one of a kind. Your wife is crazy. I would do anything to have a man like you." and "You have to decide what you really want. Same for me and my hubby. I have to decide what I really want for the rest of my life."
> 
> Should I be concerned?


When you ask her to stop she said no. That womanese for F/O. I've got news for you Dawg. When a woman is texting other men multiple times a day with these little sweet nothings, it means shes interested in him. When she says "I would do anything to have a man like you." she means exactly that. It also means you are now at the bottom of her totem pole and he's on top. She's got the serious hots for him my man.
This is one of those times when you should employ the so called 180. Take my word for it my man, you ain't got a lot to lose that not already gone. If you've ever decided to trade an old car for a new model you've been looking over you know how she feels.
Bear in mind to, that someone has already told you not to go begging. If you do you're only going to look like a wimpy dud (not dude) with him looking like far superior man than you. If you want to look good begging you better be a dead ringer for Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp.


----------



## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

It's time to go. So no you're not overreacting. I would say that you are somewhat under reacting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

JW2014 said:


> Hello everyone. My wife and I have been together for 15 years and married for 13 of those years. We have three children, ages 13, 6, and 4 months. I received an email from my cell phone provider regarding the number of texts and data that we used for the month. I looked at the amount of texts and was staggered by the number to one particular number. I asked my wife who is this person and she said a co-worker. There were literally 30-40 texts daily to and from this guy. Curiosity was killing me and one night while my wife was showering, I took the phone and began scrolling through it. A few of the messages said "Be careful driving. You're so special to me. Love you." "You are one of a kind. Your wife is crazy. I would do anything to have a man like you." and "You have to decide what you really want. Same for me and my hubby. I have to decide what I really want for the rest of my life."
> 
> Should I be concerned? She swears they are only friends but I don't buy it. This is at minimum an emotional affair, maybe more. I have pleaded with her to stop and she refuses. I took her phone (which I pay for) and told her that I was no longer financing this. She said, "if you take the phone, I will go out and buy a new one." I don't want to be without my kids but I feel like this is eating me alive. I am afraid that she will try and take my kids! Can someone please help me?


From her reaction it is far from a EA, ir believe it is PA. 
She is so deep in the fog, 
U seems to be a nice guy bc other men will react more for less 
Un need to expose to other mens wife yesterday (if they r just friends her wife should know, rigth) She is going to be mad.
Next, expose to your family and friends, this is very important so she cant spread a diferent version.
3 tell her u want a divorse and move out, this is a bluf but will slap her from the fog to reality.
Make and appointment to legal advise and let her know.
Do it asap or she will be gonne for good. 
If u r still hesitanting read and learn at TAM.
Do 180 hard, 100%, if not 100% just dont
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

JW please get the youngest DNA tested.
You will always be her father plus she needs to know for medical reasons.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

tom67 said:


> JW please get the youngest DNA tested.
> You will always be her father plus she needs to know for medical reasons.


That and it tells your cheating wife how phucked up her cheating goes....when you start second guessing the father of a womens child ...that has to say a lot of the character of that women.

If I lost you, questioning the mother about the father of her child brings about the consequences of the mothers loose sexual behavior.

I can't spell permiscuous


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> That and it tells your cheating wife how phucked up her cheating goes....when you start second guessing the father of a womens child ...that has to say a lot of the character of that women.
> 
> If I lost you, questioning the mother about the father of her child brings about the consequences of the mothers loose sexual behavior.
> 
> I can't spell permiscuous


Close enough


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Dude, as said, go to the lawyer, 
But here's where you employ a little mind game to her.

After seeing the lawyer, starting letting her see you improving yourself. And when she ask, tell her you will be single soon and wants your next to be younger and firmer. Not a middleage mom of 3 with stretch marks.

DON'T let her see you are desparate about losing your kids, make her think you want your freedom

Yeah, I'm a nasty piece of work.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP- 
definitely do a hard 180
definitely see the lawyer
get checked for STDs
google paternity testing- this is discreet, easy, and painless. Your wife does not need to participate. You can buy the swab kit in most drug stores or order online and save a few bucks.

Be decisive! It will only help you. Either she gets her head out of her arse and R becomes an option or you put her lying cheating butt out of your life as a spouse.

Take care of yourself and focus on yourself and the kids.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

This looks to be a PA. She is in deep. To kill this you need to expose this to their place they work. A nice letter to the HR department. Find OM on her FB page and expose this on his page. File for a D immediately. Do not take fault on yourself. The affair is 100% hers. Stand up for you and your kids. SHE has BETRAYED them as well.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

oh, and contact his wife an share the the msg's with her.

BUT,, don't tell your wife you are doing this.

Her actions show she has no respect for you, so you owe her nothing.

You see, with him trying to save his marriage, he won't have time to console yours.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

No you're not 

Truth is you actually need to start 'reacting' 

........big time


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

:iagree:


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Domyou know who the other man is? 

Did you make sure to forward those texts to your phone, or store them?


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Do what everyone suggested. Get copies of the messages first.

Then blow this up to the wife of the OM first and immediately confront your wife. Zero tolerance for any contact with this man ever again. If you accept any bull about friendship or her saying you are over reacting you have lost.

She is your wife.

Assert that fact.

If she cannot abide by that she knows where the door is. End of discussion.

You must have access to all of her passwords, too. No codes on the phone you do not know. No deleting texts or messages. You will find out if she has done so.

Zero tolerance.

Then after a watchful period of she complies deal with any marital issues but not right away. She will drag you into a fight you will not win. Most guys are guilty of many things and you will concede too early that there are problems you must fix. You must fix them but if she is in love with this man your admission now will strengthen her excuses for contacting him and for what she has done. Simply acknowledge there are problems but while you are considering whether or not to stay with a cheating wife is not the time to address them.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Has your sex life changed in the last year?

What kind of phone does she have?

Let your wife know you will accept nothing less than 50/50 custody.

90% of the time the other man(posom) just wants in their jeans. Call his wife asap and tell her what's going on. That will likely stop this crap and give you eyes on the other end. Let no one know you are doing it. Do not depend on emails, texts, facebook etc., he will likely intercept those messages.

He will likely throw your wife under the bus to save his family.

You should accept people don't talk about leaving their family unless they have had sex.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

JW2014 said:


> I have a meeting with a lawyer on Wednesday. I am leaving as soon as I am told by my legal counsel to go. I dont want to risk losing my kids by acting hastily.


Make sure you discuss that part about leaving with your lawyer. The standard route most lawyers seem to advise is staying put in the house if you are concerned about child custody issues.

Packing up and leaving can be interpreted as "walking out", and be used against you.

Provides for some high tension around the home, though.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Forest said:


> Make sure you discuss that part about leaving with your lawyer. The standard route most lawyers seem to advise is staying put in the house if you are concerned about child custody issues.
> 
> Packing up and leaving can be interpreted as "walking out", and be used against you.
> 
> Provides for some high tension around the home, though.


This, it may be construed as abandonment.

In any event, I would ask her to leave. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/privat...-confessed-how-handle-her-romps-loverboy.html

This link will show you how a wayward wife will try to get you out of the house and take everything you have.

The days of the man leaving are over. Tell her shes the cheater she needs to leave. Neither of you can force the other out. Get a var though to record her, she may try to have you thrown out for abuse by the police.


----------



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I wish I had something to add because I know how badly this sucks. You are getting good advice. Do not plead with her to return to her senses. Do not try a charm and sweetness offense. Do not try to nice her out of her affair (there are a few current threads on this). All of those things backfire. They let her know that she can keep doing what she is doing and may make her feel more justified and better about herself in doing it. That emboldens her and causes her to lose whatever respect for you she may still have (which can't be much if she is doing this). It is natural to want to make that appeal and not believe that she could not see you sympathetically. You are her husband and you are family, how could she not respond to your pain and distress or even see that she is inflicting it? I'd say be as dispassionate and matter of fact as you can in dealing with her on the topic of her affair. You can certainly tell her that you can't believe the choices she has made, but they are her choices. She is behaving as if she has left the marriage. Either she understands that, in which case, what can you do? Or she does not and she is in what is called the "fog" around here and if you chase after her she will run further into it. All you can do with that is plan and live accordingly. See the lawyer. Spend more time with friends. If she is already gone, you are working on your life after marriage. If she is in the fog, you are working on your life after marriage and that may wake her up to the reality of what she has chosen and done, in which case you can then decide what you want and how you want to respond.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Get copies of the texts in a safe place.
Then track down his wife and expose.
Nuclear exposure to his wife and your familiies will cuase this affiar to self destruct.


----------



## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

OldWolf57 said:


> Dude, as said, go to the lawyer,
> But here's where you employ a little mind game to her.
> 
> After seeing the lawyer, starting letting her see you improving yourself. And when she ask, tell her you will be single soon and wants your next to be younger and firmer. Not a middleage mom of 3 with stretch marks.
> ...


I see what you are saying. I am going to improve myself. I am a school principal and am only 35 years old. I have a lot going for me. Some woman will respect that some day. I am not weak but I am trying to act civil around her for the sake of our children. Regardless of the outcome, my three boys are my top priority and I do not want them to have negative personal relationships due to our problems. I pray about this and I know I cannot stay. It would eat me alive daily to worry about this. I am going to get in the gym and get back in shape and start focusing on positive things.


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

JW sorry you are part of a club no one really wants to join. You have proof of an EA but I would assume it has gone much deeper. Do you know who this POS is?

I am all about the exposure but you might be able to dig up a little more info first. Your wife now knows you are on to her. Go back and look at the phone records, how long have these texts and or calls going on?

You can get a VAR for her car most cheaters talk on the cell when they are driving. You might get more

When you expose make sure you expose to that POS OM's wife as well.

Looking back has your wife been having girls nights out, taken trips? How has your sex life been with your wife? Either nothing or sometimes you get more because of guilt.

I would get to the DR and get a check up which includes STD's.


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

If you want to learn what NOT to do, read my post listed in my signature, myMistake.. 

The long and short of it.. Don't beg or ask for her back. She has to come back on her own.. 

Expose the affair to everyone and this other man wife.. 

Your wife will threaten you or say now that you did this we are definitely over.. Or if you do this we are done for sure.. Why do you need to destroy other people lives.. 

We know because every wayward says it.. 

The reason you expose is not spite.. It is to keep this other man busy having to deal with his own issues now of his wife knowing and fighting with her and not having time to deal with your wife.. 

Plus you might have people on your side to keep your wife busy as well. So when she wanted to go see this other man, now she has to go to her mothers or sisters house talk to them about her affair.. 

It gives you breathing room. 

I didn't have any breathing room and it crushed me emotionally and just about ruined my job.. 

She did fvck this guy.. Plain and Simple.. You don't have those discussions via text if you didn't.. Its like looking at the picture of a car and discussing how the ride is with the dealer.. It just don't work that way.. EVERYONE TEST DRIVES A CAR....


----------



## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

I know his name but I have never seen him. All I know is that he's a 50 year old nurse that works with my wife. My wife even wanted to let this guy take my oldest son bow hunting! Unbelievable! Then she had audacity to let him put a deer blind in my yard!


----------



## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> Has your sex life changed in the last year?
> 
> What kind of phone does she have?
> 
> ...


She works 3rd shift so we don't see each other that often. When she is home, she is texting him and ****. I am chomping at the bit to get the hell out of there but I have to be patient until the lawyer tells me to bail. My kids are my world and I am not going to jeopardize getting at least 50/50 custody. I don't want to be punitive to my wife, I just want to get out and get away from this toxic BS.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Blacksmith01 said:


> I would say that you are somewhat under reacting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's it anvil man. I nominating you for making the understatement of the week.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> Yeah, I'm a nasty piece of work.


No Dawg, you just don't let folks jerk you around and make you look like a horse's azz.


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

sorry you are going thru this. you are in for one hell of a bumpy ride so be sure to take care of yourself. eat, sleep, exercise and not too much alcohol.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

She is all fogged up.
Find a way heck hire a PI just to find out what her name is and address and contact her in person.
Do NOT beg or plead anymore fake it and act like you are moving on.
You two working different shifts is a marriage killer but she chose to cheat.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Burn the blind. don't tell her, just do it.

She is flaunting him in your face.
So tell her he can put it in his and her yard when you kick her to the curb.

There's been quite a few A's of nurses here, but this one is bolder than most.

As for your boys, they will respect you even more when they learn the truth.
Seeing how their dad handled a cheating woman will be a life lesson my man.

BUT, do not leave your home. That is never going to look good to a judge.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

What it boil down to is that she place more value on their relationship, than her marriage, and she thinks you won't risk losing your sons.
Show her she is wrong.
Show her you won't let the man breaking up your family move his stuff in until the final decree.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I assume you have destroyed the hunting blind.

Look him up on spokeo.com. There is a good chance you can get his personal info there. You need to get in touch with his wife now.

You also need to contact the HR at the hospital and tell them what is going on. This could cause all kinds of lawsuits for them.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW, instead of you leaving, why don't you ask her to leave? You might as well get used to taking care of your kids by yourself.

Another hospital worker said third shift at a hospital was worse for cheating than the TV shows even portray. Sorry you are in this.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Here is a link you need to go to for gathering evidence. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html





What state do you live in? This makes a great deal of difference in divorce proceedings. Also, check out dadsdivorce.com. That is a website helping fathers out with divorce. You may find a man friendly attorney recommendation too.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

JW2014 said:


> She works 3rd shift so we don't see each other that often. When she is home, she is texting him and ****. I am chomping at the bit to get the hell out of there but I have to be patient until the lawyer tells me to bail. My kids are my world and I am not going to jeopardize getting at least 50/50 custody. I don't want to be punitive to my wife, I just want to get out and get away from this toxic BS.




What follows is just a thought. I could be all wrong, but here goes:

This woman has doused your world with whatever gasoline defecates, then lit it up. I'm not sure, but she's likely opened her legs to this other man. She's talked of turning your children over to him, said she'd rather have him, etc.

Maybe you feel you deserve this. If not, I don't see your desire "not be punitive" toward. She deserves punishment. She need to face the music.

Lets let the honorable person hold the reins for awhile. Let her enjoy the gutter she's chosen.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Since you want to be "nice" about this, you had better go here and read a bit. It may also be free to download mp3. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


----------



## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

JW, I don't mean to be rude and please don't take it as a personal attack but could it be the case that in your capacity of principal teaching kids all that PC staff you have believed it yourself? What I mean is you are probably doing the right thing (meeting lawyer, etc) but your reaction strikes me as unusual. Your wife expresses love to other man, says she's dying to have a man like him (or something) and your primary concern is being civil, not punitive and not to overreact? 
Well, it's your funeral but in real life nice guys don't always win, sorry. 
In terms of overreaction - just to provide some prospective : if you would have kicked your WW out in her undies and broke the om's jaw, I bet on this site the jury would still be out 50/50 on if this overreaction or not. 

Hth 




JW2014 said:


> I am a school principal and am only 35 years old. I have a lot going for me. Some woman will respect that some day. I am not weak but I am trying to act civil around her for the sake of our children.


 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Comes down to this. Your not going to lose your kids. You did nothing for any court to have you be with them except be a good father and husband so get that out of your head.

Second. The longer you wait by not calling the hospital HR and informing them, the harder it's going to be. Your wife has the notion that your going to sit and do nothing while she carries on with this guy. 

Third thing is consult your attorney, get papers drawn up and have her served at work in front of all her co workers so she sees that she crossed the line and now finds herself in a corner. Also inform friends and family and let them know whats going on before she does.

You can call the divorce off if she pulls her head out of her ass but to cover yourself, I would buy a VAR and carry it with you so she can't make up some Mickey Mouse story and call the cop and cry on their shoulder. In other words, cover your ass because given half a chance, she'll bite it if she needs to.


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

OP the men and women that stand tall act with ruthless efficiency to expose and brake the affair and their WS fog always get the best results.

They are your enemy

Would you be nice to ANYONE that betrayed and lied to you?
Stand up….. Stand up now

Show everyone that you will not tolerate this sh!t.

The sooner and harder you do this without hesitation the sooner this will be behind you one way or the other.

The day will come that your children will know the truth

The day will come that they will learn how you stood up for yourself and them

What they think of you is all that really matters.

In your case over reacting is inconceivable

Play to win

55


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Don't dismiss the idea that she could go crazy like that. People backed into corners can reach in very crazy ways. A VAR is protection. If you don't end up being it that will be great but if you do and you didn't listen you will wish you purchased that $80 bit of insurance.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

JW2014 said:


> Hello everyone. My wife and I have been together for 15 years and married for 13 of those years. We have three children, ages 13, 6, and 4 months. I received an email from my cell phone provider regarding the number of texts and data that we used for the month. I looked at the amount of texts and was staggered by the number to one particular number. I asked my wife who is this person and she said a co-worker. There were literally 30-40 texts daily to and from this guy. Curiosity was killing me and one night while my wife was showering, I took the phone and began scrolling through it. A few of the messages said "Be careful driving. You're so special to me. Love you." "You are one of a kind. Your wife is crazy. I would do anything to have a man like you." and "You have to decide what you really want. Same for me and my hubby. I have to decide what I really want for the rest of my life."
> 
> Should I be concerned? She swears they are only friends but I don't buy it. This is at minimum an emotional affair, maybe more. I have pleaded with her to stop and she refuses. I took her phone (which I pay for) and told her that I was no longer financing this. She said, "if you take the phone, I will go out and buy a new one." I don't want to be without my kids but I feel like this is eating me alive. I am afraid that she will try and take my kids! Can someone please help me?


Hell, yes! You should be concerned!

She is thinking of divorcing you.

Go dark and be watchful. Weightlifter has developed a fairly useful set of options of watchfulness on a cheating spouse.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Blow this POS up by exposing him to his BW.

Find out all the info you can about him and the contact info for his BW and get it done ASAP.

Even if you plan to D, end this A and do everything you can to make sure that POS is never around your kids.

Make sure your boys know EXACTLY who this sh*tbag is and what he has done to their family.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> Blow this POS up by exposing him to his BW.
> 
> Find out all the info you can about him and the contact info for his BW and get it done ASAP.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:
And if you stand up for yourself and out him at work you just might have a chance at saving this.
If you don't not a chance so get going.


----------

