# Lacking Romance



## Yoteman89 (Jan 27, 2021)

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and and have kids. Maybe 2 years into our marriage lack of sex became an issue then we went through some very bad times and about a year of nothing. When things got better we began to get some what better but still maybe be romantic maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks. Lately it seems like we are in the same rut. I have brought the issue up to her just trying to figure where things are going wrong but she just says sorry and promises things will get better. I love her to death and tell her daily, do my share of house chores and take care of the kids. I plan date nights and try my hardest to be romantical. However I'm getting tired of trying or doing anything for her because I am used to the same old im tired and we can try to get romantical tomorrow (never happened). Im just not sure how to approach it anymore, or should I just write it off and move on with life?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Two years into your marriage the bad times you went to have anything to do with something that would have caused lack of trust? or do you think it more has to just do with her being busy and exhausted with the kids? Not every woman views being in mom mode as sexy. Some do and some don't. 

if this is going to end up being some kind of deal breaker for you then you're going to have to sit her down and talk seriously about it and tell her that. But it's still no fun having sex with someone who doesn't really want to so it might be that going along the way you are now with her being willing to do it once in a while is better than her being open about only doing it because you want to. 

It's a sad fact that quite a few marriages end up in this pattern. It just comes down to the difference between men and women I think.


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## Yoteman89 (Jan 27, 2021)

The rough times stemd from her actions. I know working and being a mother is tiresome and I help all I can. As far as being a deal breaker it most defintly is not at this point but it does hurt as it feels important to me for our marriage. It used to be as bad as it just felt like we were room mates and took care of kids, house and our jobs.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So whatever happened to yours into your marriage kicked this thing off as best you can tell? Even though it was her actions does she have some resentment or trust issues from that?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

You need to talk to her, she needs to give you more information than I’m tired. Ask what you can do for her! What she Invisions the solution might be? Ask if she misses the Intimacy...


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

have you asked a simple question......how would she rate your relationship in areas of love, strengthen, sex and bond?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Yoteman89 said:


> Im just not sure how to approach it anymore,


*Things To Say*

In no particular order.


"Show me your tits,... go on show "em."
"Bend over and show me."
"I know you want it."
"Drop your knickers, you won't be needing them."
"Put it in your mouth."
"Later on when I have time, I'm going to **** you."
"It's time for you to smudge your lipstick.
Etc.

*Things To Do*

In no particular order.


Kiss her a couple of times very lightly on the side of the neck, then briefly run your teeth down her neck. Then stop, smile at her followed by walking away.
Best done when she is wearing a short dress or skirt. Place hand lightly on the back of her thigh just below her buttocks. Then run the hand up ont her buttocks, with a gripping motion with your fingertips reaching towards her vuvla from behind. Then let go while making a complimentary comment and walk away.
Hold one of her hands, then briefly look into her eyes. Followed by a short, light and yearning sexual kiss on her lips."
Physically lead her to the edge of a table, bed or chair. Then from behind run your fingers through her hair in a brief downward scalp massaging way. Followed by bending her over and groping her behind to access her sex from behind.
Show her your erect penis.
Etc.

The above should be enough in terms of examples to get the idea.

Do this kind of stuff daily or at least every few days, even if you don't share sex daily or every few days..

Being sexual quite frequently including in a fleeting manner. Goes a long way to having ones sexual partner thinking about sex and wanting to have sex.

Try not to be too timid, show plenty of desire for your partner sexually.

When rejected, with a smile say things like; "Well you're missing out." "I'll have you later." "You'll get to have me next time." Etc.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Maybe she doesn't understand what 'romantical' means.


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## Yoteman89 (Jan 27, 2021)

I will try to talk to her more about. Normally she just get mad and says all I think about is sex when the reality is I'm just looking that romantical connection with her but we will see.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Yoteman89 said:


> The rough times stemd from her actions.


You’re being evasive and intentionally leaving out what is likely key information.

What did she do?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Romantical isn't a word.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Honey, "romantical" is not a word. "Romantic", is.

But, let's not pretend that what you're actually after is more romance. You likely wouldn't be satisfied with just more cuddles, more hand-holding, more flowers, more candle-lit dinners, more long walks on the beach. What you're actually after is more SEX.

And that's actually okay. It's perfectly reasonable and completely normal. But conflating the two is probably not getting you very far. Because when you say you want romance, what your wife hears is that you want actual _romance_. If you're saying you want romance, and then going for sex, you're not being clear. And you're causing confusion for both of you. Because, what your wife actually wants is, very likely, more romance. And she may not equate romance with sex, because sex isn't as big a need for her as it is for you.

You two are not meeting one another's most important relationship needs. Most men need sex and someone to have fun with. Like when you two were dating. Most women need conversation and non-sexual affection. Like when you two were dating.

Start by reading the book "Fall In Love, Stay In Love," by Willard Harley. Do the work it suggests. It will help you stop doing things that are killing love in your marriage, and it will tell you what you need to be doing to build and maintain love in your marriage - so, essentially, giving you both what you need from a relationship. Try it for yourself for a few months, and if it helps then see if your wife will read it and do the work with you.


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