# do most martial couples forgo condoms?



## ad4517 (Aug 17, 2019)

my wife and i have very seldom used them, ever..... even when we were first dating. neither of us like them. when i met her for some reason i knew i was going to spend the rest of my life with her, almost 20 years since meeting it has worked out exactly like that. she has been on birth control unless trying to get pregnant. we have two boys and no unintended pregnancy. we didnt have my oldest until 6 days before my 30th birthday. i think condoms are for people whom either arent on birth control and dont want to have kids, or those who cant trust their partner. if you cant trust your partner why do you stay married? i trust her completely, and the sex is so much better without having a piece of rubber between us.

just wondered, do most married couple use them or not?


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

About 4% of married couples use condoms for birth control.

https://www.thenest.com/content/chip-joanna-love-lessons

Some women don’t want chemicals added to their bodies, such as the Pill. Also, if a couple wants to start having kids, she may remove the IUD and use condoms until time for the second baby... which could end up being years.

Why married couples use them:

1. Prevent infections

2. Birth control

3. Prolong sex

4. Less messy

5. Allergies

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.st...-condoms-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-infidelity


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## ad4517 (Aug 17, 2019)

sex is supposed to be messy lol. that's the best kind. isnt the prevent infections part if you suspect he or she is being unfaithful. you cant get an infection if you have only been with that person. if you both are clean then it stays that way. as far as allergies, i hear people are allergic to the materials condoms are made from, but allergic to each other? is that possible?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

For some this may be the only viable option for birth control unless they choose a more permanent method.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Although yeast infections are not considered to be a sexually transmitted disease (STD), the fungus can be transmitted to a partner during sex. One way to reduce your chances of getting a yeast infection is not to have sex. But if you do have sex, using a condom will help prevent transmission of yeast infections just as it helps prevent transfer of other sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV (The virus that causes AIDS)


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Butt stuff only. However for a guy I am, seemingly, unusually prone to UTI’s (I have discussed with my doc).


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

The only questionable thing about your post is that you trust your wife completely. But doesn't everybody trust their spouse? Until they learn they shouldn't have trusted their spouse.


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## Elniño (Aug 18, 2019)

Depends on how it’s going down. Mostly not tho


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

The pill gave my wife migraines and the diaphragm gave her UTIs. 

So, for part of our marriage, condoms it was.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

I have a friend and him and his wife are in their 60's. Both are kind of neat freaks.

He said they started using condoms in their fifties to make less mess in the bed. He said they don't both him and his wife actually like it. They have sex frequently and only skip using a condom 3 or 4 times a year.
He said they both like using them.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

woodyh said:


> I have a friend and him and his wife are in their 60's. Both are kind of neat freaks.
> 
> He said they started using condoms in their fifties to make less mess in the bed. He said they don't both him and his wife actually like it. They have sex frequently and only skip using a condom 3 or 4 times a year.
> He said they both like using them.


Wow!!!


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

ad4517 said:


> sex is supposed to be messy lol. that's the best kind. isnt the prevent infections part if you suspect he or she is being unfaithful. you cant get an infection if you have only been with that person. if you both are clean then it stays that way. as far as allergies, i hear people are allergic to the materials condoms are made from, but allergic to each other? is that possible?


Some women are allergic to H’s sperm.

https://www.self.com/story/semen-allergy-symptoms


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Early on in a relationship, using them seems to be the norm, out of sheer responsibility!

As the relationship progresses, a large percentage of women will likely just go to birth control pills.

Married couples will usually forego their usage, more especially if BCP's are being used.

The last time that I used one was in my 40's right after I was the recipient of a vasectomy. The urologist's prevailing logic was that until such time that tests revealed that I was indeed shooting blanks, that it was far better to be safe than sorry!

The only thing remotely embarrassing about the vasectomy procedure was only some minor post-op scrotal swelling, and then having to bring that brown-bagged sample into the waiting room to the receptionist in the urologist's office/lab weekly for about 6 weeks!

Everybody in there seemed to smile like they knew exactly what it was that was in that paper bag!

After that process played itself out, it was basically full steam ahead!*


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The _only_ time we used condoms was during the transitional week or two when she had to replace her IUD.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband and I used condoms throughout the last 10+ years of our marriage. Somewhere along the way, I developed a reaction to his semen. It was a bit like having acid poured on my lady bits. My ob/gyn said it was likely a pH compatibility issue. Since he was completely unwilling to explore options such as stopping smoking, drinking less alcohol or changing his diet with me to see if the problem could be resolved, we used condoms. 

In retrospect, our use of those condoms was probably a good thing. As it turns out, he was a serial cheater who never used condoms with any of his affair partners.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Natural Family Planning works great. It's been 100% effective in our case (if you learn and use it correctly).


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

We were using condoms from year 1 through year 11, except when we were trying to get pregnant. She was on the pill for the first year, however , we were both heavy smokers, and got frightened at the implications. We switched to condoms, except when we were trying. Well we had our first child, bad pregnancy where she got gestationally diabetic, and was showing signs of pre-eclampsia. We figured we would stop at one. Well surprise surprise, seven years later, we had our unplanned pregnancy. This was not a good one at all, placenta previa. She bled from month six onward, and was confined to bed. She had weekly visits to the OB/GYN and weekly ultrasounds. I quit my job for one that would allow me a lot of time off, or a flex schedule. I also carried a cell phone and a pocket pager. There was no way in hell that we would have another. So, everything went out the window, and I got the snip. Good decision, I had never before been to a urologist, and he detected a precancerous lesion on my right nut. He removed it during my vasectomy. Just upped my sedation, and went for it. Had I not opted for the vasectomy, I would have likely developed testicular cancer.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

We use condoms when away from home. I bring them when going to mother in laws, or other family. In the past, my wife has worried about leaving a mess. The condoms take away that excuse.

We have also used them to try to prolong sex. They are actually pretty good for that.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

We used condoms when i was breast feeding. We did not want our children to be drinking milk contaminated with hormones. So for 11 months with the first one and 10 months with the second one we used condoms. There is nothing wrong with condoms but I think it is my job to put one on him when we use one because it relaxes me when i know it is on properly. We had times when one or two ripped and all the seeds we left in the good soil increasing the potential for germination.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

What? Nobody here on hormonal contraceptive has ever had to take antibiotics?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She never let me.

There was one time when she was coming off norplant that we got hot and heavy after I got off graveyard shift and I noticed she had a condom in her hand afterwards.

We laughed about it because we obviously got carried away.

9 months later we were married with a new boy and she got her tubes tied.....:smile2:


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> Natural Family Planning works great. It's been 100% effective in our case (if you learn and use it correctly).


It may be "great" for the man, but it's not so great for the woman. The time when a woman most wants to have sexual relations is when she is ovulating. This is exactly the time when she cannot have sexual relations if she wants to avoid pregnancy. This is why so many couples that use NFP have large families.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

woodyh said:


> I have a friend and him and his wife are in their 60's. Both are kind of neat freaks.
> 
> He said they started using condoms in their fifties to make less mess in the bed. He said they don't both him and his wife actually like it. They have sex frequently and only skip using a condom 3 or 4 times a year.
> He said they both like using them.


Somewhat similar story here; wife was finding all sorts of reasons for wanting to avoid sex, but a significant one was that it was something she didn't particularly enjoy and then there'd be a mess to clean up afterwards. So, sometime in my early 50s I think, I re-introduced condoms as a way to have sex without the mess. Basically, I wasn't going to allow sex to go completely off the table, and this seemed, at the time, like a good way of getting past one of her objections. Most significant perhaps was that it signaled to her that I was willing to work with her to remove her objections as they came up. 

That lasted about 2 or 3 years until she started to complain they were too "scratchy."  Now, I bring them out for "special occasions." Novelty sort of thing. I did finally discover, last year, that size actually does matter and they're far more comfortable if I get the larger size, not standard. Downside is you don't get the ultra-thin ones, upside is that they don't clamp you.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

CatholicDad said:


> Natural Family Planning works great. It's been 100% effective in our case (if you learn and use it correctly).




NFP is great for timing the use of condoms.

BTW, I love how if you transpose two letters, “marital” (marriage) becomes “martial” (fighting).


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

CynthiaDe said:


> CatholicDad said:
> 
> 
> > Natural Family Planning works great. It's been 100% effective in our case (if you learn and use it correctly).
> ...


I suppose taking pills to throw off hormones for a few decades is better for women? Or trusting a man to pull out immediately after or before the condom slips? My wife loves NFP also, fwiw.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

The high failure rate for “typical use” of condoms is primarily due to not using them. 

The high failure rate for “typical use” of coitus interruptus is primarily due to failing to pull out.

So it wouldn’t surprise me if NFP often fails because the couple decides to have intercourse during ovulation.


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## Wife5362 (Oct 30, 2013)

CatholicDad said:


> Natural Family Planning works great. It's been 100% effective in our case (if you learn and use it correctly).


Abstinence works even better! And NFP might work ok for the low sex drive couples maybe but not so great for the vast majority of couples who want spontaneous sex especially during the most amorous time of the month for a woman. As child #6 of 8 all born with 11 years while my mother and father practiced the NFP, I can attest it doesn’t appear to work all that well for many. Lol.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> I suppose taking pills to throw off hormones for a few decades is better for women? Or trusting a man to pull out immediately after or before the condom slips? My wife loves NFP also, fwiw.


I didn't say that. I also didn't compare it to any other form of birth control.

What I said was that it's not as great as you make it out to be. A woman is fighting against her hormones with NFP. That's not great. It's also not very effective for most people, because of this issue. 

I agree that NFP works when people follow it. It's just a lot more difficult to follow than other forms of birth control.

NFP is the reason why I knew so quickly when I was pregnant with my son.  I was very in tuned with what was going on with my body.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

CynthiaDe said:


> I didn't say that. I also didn't compare it to any other form of birth control.
> 
> What I said was that it's not as great as you make it out to be. *A woman is fighting against her hormones with NFP. That's not great.* It's also not very effective for most people, because of this issue.
> 
> ...


Until reading that here and in another post, it didn't occur to me that it's not just "not great" but it's also terribly unfair to the woman using only NFP. The guy's desire doesn't fluctuate on a monthly cycle. He's not intentionally being denied at a time when he's, well, horniest. The opposite is true for the woman entirely dependent upon NFP. That seems really wrong and distorts/perverts the gift God gave us in making sex pleasurable.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Until reading that here and in another post, it didn't occur to me that it's not just "not great" but it's also terribly unfair to the woman. The guy's desire doesn't fluctuate on a monthly cycle. He's not intentionally being denied at a time when he's, well, horniest. The opposite is true for the woman on NFP. That seems really wrong and distorts/perverts the gift God gave us in making sex pleasurable.


For people that don't have a problem with at least some forms of birth control, NFP can be great, because a couple can use nothing during times that the wife is not in her fertile stage, but during the fertile stage, there are barrier methods they can use. 

For couples who use condoms, a diaphragm, and/or something like foam, it's nice to know when it is or is not necessary.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

CynthiaDe said:


> For people that don't have a problem with at least some forms of birth control, NFP can be great, because a couple can use nothing during times that the wife is not in her fertile stage, but during the fertile stage, there are barrier methods they can use.
> 
> For couples who use condoms, a diaphragm, and/or something like foam, it's nice to know when it is or is not necessary.


I will edit my post to say “for the woman ONLY using NFP” as that was my intended scenario. I think your description defines when it’s almost always safe to have sex without using contraception, which certainly describes my life up to the point at which my wife had her tubes tied. 

Thanks!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Not sure if this is really on-topic or not, but in retrospect, and I think to some extent even at the time it was relevant, I wish the timing of kids (this assumes that you WANT to have kids) could have some degree of surprise to it, rather than careful planning. I think my wife and I put off kids a bit longer than we should have (first kid born about 10 years after getting married) and we certainly could have dealt with being parents earlier, and possibly become a bit less self-centered because the time you spend without kids is very different from what goes on after. I think I might have been a better dad earlier on, rather than getting a clue a bit later. And I think sex would be a bit more fun (for SOME) if there was a bit more chance of a pregnancy that happened on, well, God's schedule instead of our own. For SOME. And then, when you ARE trying to get pregnant, there's so much pressure when things don't happen right off. 

A combination of condoms (or some other barrier method) or foam plus unprotected sex when it's likely safe... I don't think that's such a bad combination. That's what we did, and sure, we worried some, but in retrospect, we were too good at it to fail. Not to say there weren't times when the pullout method was used when it perhaps shouldn't have been! Or more correctly, pullout and then put on a condom.

So bringing things back OT a bit, I think there is a place for condoms for many couples.


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