# Is it considered cheating??



## lettinghimgo (May 26, 2009)

My husband and have have known each other since we were little. We were married 5 years before divorcing (mostly b/c he was immature, doing drugs, and gone for weeks at a time)... The final straw was when i found emails to one of our long time friends (female) who he has always had a friendship with. Emails about how much he loved her and couldn't stand me or the marriage anymore etc etc you get the point.. I divorced him having two kids at the time. We were divorced 2 years and he was in the military overseas that time. Started writing saying he had changed, etc etc wanted me and only me.. what he said to her was just misguided feelings- nothing ever happened. So yes I married him again. I felt if he had changed what caused our problems, I would be stupid not to marry the man I have always loved. 5 years into it again this time and a one year old addition... He has off and on talked to this "friend" but no real talking/problems until recently. He sends her messages all the time, calls her while I am asleep sometimes 2am in the morning.. When I found this out he said they have always been friends and always will be. He gets upset when she doesn't text or call him like normal- he gets irritated. I told him I can't deal with it. It's inappropriate for a married man to be calling females that late, sending that many messages and yet he compares it to one of his guy friends. I asked him to choose and he said there shouldn't be a choice b/c I am over reacting..That he loves only me, he is here with me not her.. Am I over reacting? Is it cheating or am I not letting go of the past? She lives in a different state, haven't seen each other in like 6 years.. However we are going to that state for a family visit soon and he wants to be able to hang out with her?? Lost


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yep, it's called an emotional affair. Stop all contact now.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree:


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Wow,
This broad must be something for him to risk his marriage a second time around. Unbelievable!!!


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

dont let it happen do not let them see eachother and you need to make him end their friendship there are boundaries that need to be respected in a marriage if it was you doing this to him I garantee you he wouldnt like it at all good luck


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## ImBroken (May 18, 2009)

His wife or his girlfriend, make him choose.
Then find a real Man.


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## SnapDragon (Jun 9, 2009)

I am some what in your shoes. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for 2. In January 2009 he started talking on his PSP3 called Home. He can talk to anyone from anywhere. I told him that I did no like him talking to any women on Home and to respect my wishes, needless to say, he didn't. In March, while I was sleeping he told his "friend" Maggie that he loved her, she has a sexy voice and she was his best friend. I was heart broken. I told him I was hurt and that I did not want him to talk on Home or to her anymore. All he says is that I don't want him to have friends and that he is here with me and not her, even though she does not live in our state. I told him that he emotionally cheating on me and he just laughed at me. Am I over reacting? He does need friend’s right?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

SnapDragon said:


> In March, while I was sleeping he told his "friend" Maggie that he loved her, she has a sexy voice and she was his best friend.


If she is 'just a friend' would he say these things to his male friends? Just as in the original poster, it would be odd that he would be hanging by the phone and upset that his male friends haven't texted him yet. In both cases, it sounds as though they may have developed deeper feelings for these female friends and it's affecting your marriage and therefore should stop.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

Why stay married if your not best friends?

If a man is more pleased to talk to another woman than his wife, or cant keep the communication to something he wouldn't mind you reading then he is not really getting what he needs from the marriage, and is looking to someone else to get it.

I would think hard about what he gets from the OW. Does he talk sex to her and not to you? Then try to get him to open up about his fantasies to you.

Does he just talk about old times and try to get an outside opinion for the random crap that comes up in life? Then she is just a freind and as long as they respect each other boundries its nothing to worry about.

People do need someone outside a relationship to discuss with, but not a secondary relationship that takes away from a marriage.


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating.


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