# Husband Acts Like I Do Nothing



## Merryanna (Aug 6, 2011)

I am married to a pretty great guy but he has blinders on when it comes to what each of does around the house. I'm the one who tends to the kids. If he watches them for 2 hours out of 24 he complains that he has to babysit. Apparently he was raised in a pristine, sterile home. I wasn't. Our house was lived in. My sissies & I kept Mama busy. It was messy and wonderful...but it WAS clean. I've found out that he's telling everyone he can about how lazy I am and how I refuse to clean (neither of which is true) but it's just not up to HIS standards. He's even telling people that he'll divorce me when the kids are older(none of which has ever been mentioned to me) I don't know what to do. The house is clean, the kids are clean. I'm not going to turn our home into a hospital environment. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love anyone and it hurts that he doesn't see any value in me. In his eyes I'm the one making all the mistakes and he's the ever-suffering patsy I somehow tricked into falling in love with me. I don't know what else I can do.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Merryanna said:


> I am married to a pretty great guy but he has blinders on when it comes to what each of does around the house. I'm the one who tends to the kids. If he watches them for 2 hours out of 24 he complains that he has to babysit. Apparently he was raised in a pristine, sterile home. I wasn't. Our house was lived in. My sissies & I kept Mama busy. It was messy and wonderful...but it WAS clean. I've found out that he's telling everyone he can about how lazy I am and how I refuse to clean (neither of which is true) but it's just not up to HIS standards. He's even telling people that he'll divorce me when the kids are older(none of which has ever been mentioned to me) I don't know what to do. The house is clean, the kids are clean. I'm not going to turn our home into a hospital environment. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love anyone and it hurts that he doesn't see any value in me. In his eyes I'm the one making all the mistakes and he's the ever-suffering patsy I somehow tricked into falling in love with me. I don't know what else I can do.


What bothers me the most about this is, how he is talking about you to others. This is not a good sign, and I wonder if there is a deeper issue going on here, and not so much about the cleaning. 

Is there a way you can meet him half way? I'm not saying make it so clean that its like a hospital environment, but maybe you could make it to where its not quite as messy as he says it is. I'm not sure what you mean by messy anyway. What I might feel is messy and what you might feel is messy could be two different things. 

Also, him blabbering to others about you, doesn't say as much about you, as it does about him.


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## grendelsmom (Aug 1, 2011)

That's verbal abuse. If it weren't the "cleanliness" issue, it'd be something else. He is being a jackass. How you deal with that, I'm not sure--maybe read up on it some and then confront him about it.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

If he wants the house to be sterile, I suggest you hand HIM the cleaning gloves and tell him to get to work! He may just be ignorant about how much time and energy children need.

As for talking down about you to others... it's not only unbecoming of him, but I trust that anyone with a fair heart can see there are always two sides to the story. Sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment!!


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## Haley (Apr 22, 2011)

You can't "babysit" your own children. When you take care of your own kids, it's called being a parent.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Merryanna said:


> I am married to a pretty great guy but he has blinders on when it comes to what each of does around the house. I'm the one who tends to the kids. If he watches them for 2 hours out of 24 he complains that he has to babysit.You need to explain to him that when parents watch their own kids it is NOT babysitting, it is called being a PARENT!! Apparently he was raised in a pristine, sterile home. I wasn't. Our house was lived in. My sissies & I kept Mama busy. It was messy and wonderful...but it WAS clean. I've found out that he's telling everyone he can about how lazy I am and how I refuse to clean (neither of which is true) but it's just not up to HIS standards. Okay, that is totally unacceptable behavior. When a husband (or wife) has a problem with their spouse they should address the issue with the spouse. Running around telling everyone about your supposed messy housekeeping is totally disrespectful to you. It also makes it appear that he is trying to set you up as the 'bad guy'. He's even telling people that he'll divorce me when the kids are older(none of which has ever been mentioned to me)Well, there you go. I don't know what to do. The house is clean, the kids are clean. I'm not going to turn our home into a hospital environment. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love anyone and it hurts that he doesn't see any value in me. In his eyes I'm the one making all the mistakes and he's the ever-suffering patsy I somehow tricked into falling in love with me. I don't know what else I can do.


It appears from your post that his mind is made up and nothing you do is going to be good enough. Have you talked to him about what he is saying to other people? Have you suggested marriage counseling?


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> If he wants the house to be sterile, I suggest you hand HIM the cleaning gloves and tell him to get to work! He may just be ignorant about how much time and energy children need.
> 
> As for talking down about you to others... it's not only unbecoming of him, but I trust that anyone with a fair heart can see there are always two sides to the story. Sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment!!


:iagree::iagree:


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

grendelsmom said:


> That's verbal abuse. If it weren't the "cleanliness" issue, it'd be something else. He is being a jackass. How you deal with that, I'm not sure--maybe read up on it some and then confront him about it.



Once again, I totally agree.


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## regular_guy (Aug 9, 2011)

Telling you that you are lazy is not nice at all. I agree that if it wasn't this it would be something else. Putting down your spouse is never ok.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

Your husband acting because you do not understand that if you do everything or not do anything without difference you can win this difference without difference that Suppose I want to get anyone, regardless of the will not be able to know what is included in the right as right after you win the same without nothing or with anything


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Haley said:


> You can't "babysit" your own children. When you take care of your own kids, it's called being a parent.


Yea, when a dad (or mom) says they are babysitting, I want to punch them in their face.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

There is nothing "great" about a guy who feels like he's babysitting his own children and saying degrading things to other people about his wife. There are some major issues that need to be addressed, either by you two alone or with marriage counseling.

If he wants things done a certain way, then he needs to step up and take over some of the cleaning chores, period. More than that, he needs to start respecting you as his wife and partner.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Have you talked to him about it? Is your relationship good otherwise? Is he affectionate? Do you guys have sex? Go in dates? Laugh?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

ZOMBIE THREAD. Poster posted one time almost nine years ago.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Closing thread. Inactive


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