# Miserable in marriage



## keep-on-keepin-on (Nov 29, 2012)

So this is my first time on one of these but i am so miserable in my marriage right now. And i can take responsibility for the most of it. I make poor choices in men and then lose interest in them once i realize i can't "fix" them. My first husband and father of my son, died in a car accident after years of infidelity and drug abuse that i constantly denied and tried to fix. Eventually, shortly prior to his death, i just gave up on him and didnt' speak to him even though we lived in the same house. I then went on to marry "his total opposite"...and ended up with a man-child. He does nothing for himself and is only happy when i am babying him or coddling him and when i am not, he pouts. he has held down a job for the last year (for the first time in our 7 yr relationship) and seems to think this is some grand thing he is doing. I make more money than he and i do everything around the house..he doesn't even know how to use a laundry hamper or a garbage can! my 12 yr old son is more responsible. I have told him i did my son a huge disservice by choosing him as a male role model. His laziness and selfishness are creating resentment for me. Someone help!


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Hi & welcome 

Does he have any good qualities?

Are you in love with him?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

keep-on-keepin-on said:


> So this is my first time on one of these but i am so miserable in my marriage right now. And i can take responsibility for the most of it. I make poor choices in men and then lose interest in them once i realize i can't "fix" them. My first husband and father of my son, died in a car accident after years of infidelity and drug abuse that i constantly denied and tried to fix. Eventually, shortly prior to his death, i just gave up on him and didnt' speak to him even though we lived in the same house. I then went on to marry "his total opposite"...and ended up with a man-child. He does nothing for himself and is only happy when i am babying him or coddling him and when i am not, he pouts. he has held down a job for the last year (for the first time in our 7 yr relationship) and seems to think this is some grand thing he is doing. I make more money than he and i do everything around the house..he doesn't even know how to use a laundry hamper or a garbage can! my 12 yr old son is more responsible. I have told him i did my son a huge disservice by choosing him as a male role model. His laziness and selfishness are creating resentment for me. Someone help!


You lack respect for him and he knows it. If you're not ready to leave the relationship, consider adopting a positive approach to encourage him to strive for more. The fact that he has held a job for a year after 6 years of not doing so IS a huge achievement! Praise him and treat him like the man-child that he is. Make your praise something he WANTS to strive for instead of breaking him down emotionally with criticism that's likely to make him feel weaker and fearful of taking on new challenges.


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## keep-on-keepin-on (Nov 29, 2012)

emerald: yes i do still love him and he is very loyal, no cheating, etc.

and kathybatesel: i know it sounds silly that i have never thought about it b4, but i have not and i believe you are correct. My lack of respect shines thru any time i talk to him. Maybe if i work on this, he won't be so needy?

thanks for the feedback!


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Start by going to Individual counselling.

Then tell your H that a requirement of staying married is that he attend marriage counselling and really start to make a massive effort to improve himself.

If he refuses then follow through and divorce and do it now while he has a job.

Then continue with Individual counselling.

Good luck. Lifes to short to waste.


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