# on the hunt for my sanity



## rochellew (Dec 6, 2015)

I have posted once (the incredible umbrella saga) and spent all my time since then reading post after post here. Since that post my husband informed me we are separating, My daughters are ecstatic about it, me not so much. I feel physically ill, sad, and terrified. Logically I realize this marriage is a complete sham these days, but wasn't always. It seems so confusing when I know he talks to other woman and pants after them, has our whole marriage, is emotionally abusive, and has been a horrible father and yet i still feel absolutely heartbroken. What the hell is wrong with me? I am a relatively strong, intelligent person and yet i want to dig a hole and hide in it. 
I have been looking at houses to rent. Fun stuff I tell ya, NOT. First house I almost vomited on the way there, broke down and sobbed the rest of the drive. My dearest husband has informed me he will be moving out now as he has a "place" He won't tell me where or anything about it and gets very nervous when I ask him about it. This is the second time I have been down this path with him. About 3 years ago he decided he was leaving and on the day he was moving us out to the coast suddenly decided he wanted to stay in the marriage. I relented and bought his I love you so much i will change yada yada etc. The day we arrived on the coast i found out he had been sending d*ck pics to another woman. I for some ridiculous reason stuck it out with him...and here we are again. I am not really even sure what the point of my post is, to vent i guess.Thank you all here, reading your posts and advice has really helped and I so appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

rochellew said:


> i want to dig a hole and hide in it.


I think you're normal. The ending of any marriage, even bad ones, often brings a sense of sadness and second guessing. From what you described, your husband didn't treat you very well...and what kind of man sends out pictures of his genitalia? 

A very predictable outcome is that someday soon, you'll look back and be so relieved to be away from that person and the drama that came with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, your feelings are normal.

The fastest way for you to move on is for you to start turning your focus onto things that good for you. So what do you do for yourself? What friends do you have that you can do things with? Start getting busy. Go out and get a complete make over, update your wardrobe. Go on a trip with a friend, or maybe with your daughter.

Stop talking about him and your ending marriage, start talking and thinking about yourself.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry you are here, you have been a doormat for your WH long enough. We are all flawed but it appears he is much more flawed that you!
Of course you are distraught, even if a marriage is bad, when it is ending, it is a hugely emotional and upsetting journey. Give yourself the time to grieve, cry, rant and rave but believe me when you are away from him, you will find your legs again and realise you should have left three years ago. the fact your kids are happy that he is leaving says it all.

You tell your close friends and family and rely on them for support, you can get through this. Get a lawyer to see what your options are, maybe you do not have to move from your home. Take him to the cleaners. He is probably nervous because he has another woman in hiding somewhere.

This man has betrayed you over and over, he is not worth your time nor tears. No doubt when you pick yourself up and move on he will be crawling back like the slime he is , do not fall for it. You have put up with more than you should. Start doing the 180, cut him from your life, if you do find out he is cheating, expose him for what he is so that he cannot rewrite history. 

You can do this


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

What you are feeling is completely normal. Even though the marriage hasn't been great, you still lived with this man and had children with him. A part of you is holding on to the good about him, from when you first married him, and well, when big things change in your life it can be scary. Your kids are probably happy because they recognize that their dad is an ass, for lack of better words, and wants you to be happy. I know it's scary now, but honestly if he can't stay faithful to you or even treat you with some respect then you don't deserve that. You will be so much better off without him. Get some counseling, spend time with your kids and enjoy being single again!


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