# Dont know what to do..



## Nite hawk (May 28, 2021)

I have been married for 39 years and cannot take any more. "The other half" has not worked consistently ( actually very little ) for most of our married life, resulting in extreme financial hardships.. I have done the most ridiculous things trying to make money. ---make websites ( they did not sell ) tried to sell domain name. worked at walmart for 3-1/2 years until the stress level was so bad I literally got sick.- was going to bed at 11:00 pm and getting up often at 4:00 am . We live in a remote place and have a very small farm, so I often did the chores before and after work...Which still supplies us with most of our food. I am now not employed due to covid closures. "the other half" became abusive bellowing that he was going to bash my face in- even if I simply politely disagreed with some thing.., and then finally it crossed the line to physical "face squishing" and grinding his face into my face when it looked like he was going possibly going to hurt our then 11 year old daughter and i stepped in..I am not talking about discipline here... He turned his wrath on me instead of her. WE have 7 kids. most are grown now, and he lied behind my back telling one that he had pleaded with me to go to counselling, when I was the one who had pleaded with him.. I told him today I want full custody of our youngest, ( the one who is under age) and I am totally convinced that he could care less, as he never argued AT ALLl.. I told him that because I would NEVER see a red cent of child support, that I wanted the house, which is very very old, but at least it would be a roof over our heads.- instead of child support.. he flipped out and said no way we sell and split the price. which would put me out in the bush as there is zero vacancy in this area.. I have tried to get a lawyer and do not qualify for legal aid even though I have not worked for a year due to covid ---due to we own the house, even though it is very very old...If we leave this community the youngest 4-H project and her dog that she bought with her own money, will be gone, and that has given her a sense of normalcy during covid... i have been trying to re-contact legal aid to find out exactly why my application was denied,, and I am at wits end, as this small farm feeds us, and having no job, and if sold I will have no place to go at this time due the zero vacancy rate in the area..To buy I cannot do, as the land prices are so high, and I know that all that I would get from the property would go into rent.. and then II would have nothing., and I am floundering. .All of a sudden he wants to go to counselling, but I cannot over look the abuse, and am concerned it WILL not change. He blames me for everything, even for a house that is not clean when he used to throw his garbage on the floor and not pick it up. .I work VERY VERY hard trying to feed everything and clean everything and if I sit on the computer in the evening ( he is watching some sort of TV -- that is mostly what he does-watch TV and read books and go on the phone with his friends) he gets mad..I am floundering.. do not know what to do.. I have pled with him to help pay the bills, get a job ( he does have a gout issue that causes problems from time to time) and he always has an excuse.. I am exhausted and floundering and do not know what to do. I did manage to talk for a few minutes to a free "law line" lady, and she did not think I could get a restraining order, even though he has verbally told me he is going to bash my face in, and finally it got physical.. Any thoughts? I live in B.C - Canada.- any idea would be appreciated..


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

simple two step process -

Step #1. get a good divorce attorney.

Step #2. Do what divorce attorney says.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> simple two step process -
> 
> Step #1. get a good divorce attorney.
> 
> Step #2. Do what divorce attorney says.


Exactly!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Do you have any family who could help you out here?


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## Nite hawk (May 28, 2021)

Unfortunately the only family that I can trust is like 800 miles away plus, and I am still struggling to find a lawyer, Finances due to covid have seriously impacted me. We had a big "discussion" the other day and when I said I want custody of our young daughter, it seemed that did not bother him in the least. But when I said that I want the old old house because he would NEVER pay any child support, he freaked out saying he deserved half of the property and it was law that I give him half and the other grown children who do not live near here and do not know the extent of what is going on- said he deserves half.. He said it was law that he gets half, and I told him there is something called "dis-propionate" division of property due to the lack of input in a relationship" which is true, he said he would not budge. I said- see you in court- which I cannot afford...I KNOW he will not support his daughter. if past performance dictates future performance I am "screwed" without a miracle. A divorce lawyer costs about $300 and hour in this area. Right now I am scrapping by on less than about a $1000 a month.. we eat what we produce on this small farm, so at least we have food, and barely electricity. I have paid it for years and years and now that I am scrapping by and he is pressured to help with a small amount,, and said he will not pay any more and the hydro can be cut off as far as he is concerned... trying to live without a job is not easy.. I have sold most of my cows to pay for bills and he does almost nothing. claiming he is "disabled" due to gout, which I do understand is painful.. I told him to get a job like :sales" where you do not have to do physical labor and was told "I dont want to" So I am in a rough situation..


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

If you can't afford a lawyer you will have to advocate for yourself. I know it is hard. I DO know, trust me. Call a domestic violence hotline. You won't have to prove the abuse the same way as calling the police. They will connect you with resources. There is help for 1st and last months rent, utilities, legal aid, shelters, job placement. They can connect you with all of it.

If you or the kids are in danger leave right away. Go to a friends or the police. If you go to court you can ask the judge for exclusive occupancy of your house.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

It's always a good idea to check the poster's profile when responding to threads that are months old. This poster has not been active on the site since they first posted this thread.


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