# Sexting?



## leroycat (Dec 30, 2011)

I'm reposting this hopefully in the right thread.
I caught my husband sexting last week and I'm beyond confused. I've always thought we had a special marriage and considered our relationship different then most. I 'thought' we were best friends but the hardest part of all of this is not so much the words but the secrecy. He's been hiding her fake name on his phone under a secret chat app for 4 months. She was an intern at the bank he works at during the summer. He tells me the sex texting only began when she left and I know that she lives in another province because of the area code. In my heart I don't believe that anything physical happened but just the fact that he was hiding this obviously means he was sneaking around and deceiving me. We've been married 18 yrs and he's a good husband and father so I'm not prepared to just kick him out. He sent her a message at my request telling her to never contact him again because it was stupid of him (I didn't want her to know I caught him). She sent back one telling him she was sorry and didn't mean to cause problems (idiot). Long story short, I believe that this scared him and there is no more sexting but I also know that I need to address the reason for his bad behaviour in the first place. I'm just disappointed and go from wanting to get on with it and forgive him and wanting to punch him in the face for being a lousy stereotype and ruining my perception of him.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You hit the nail on the head "address the reason for his bad behavior".

That is the most important thing here, do not sweep this under the rug or it will happen again. the thing here is *he* is the one that needs to address this unhealthy behavior and he is the one that will need to do the heavy lifting to help you heal.

The both of you have alot of work infront of you and for him to treat this as a bad mistake will not serve you well. Your H must understand why he had the lack of boundries in his marriage. What will he do to prevent it from happening again. I suggest he take the steps to set up some MC and work on this sexting as a byproduct of a troubled marriage or is it a individual character flaw that may need some IC.

Bottom line here is do not sweep this under the carpet, embrace this painful problem and understand it so as to prevent it from ever happening again.


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## leroycat (Dec 30, 2011)

You're right I need to book MC right away. He has agreed so I need to take advantage of it now before he thinks I've settled down. Thanks for the advice.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Wrong, *he* needs to do the booking...get it?

Again *he* should be doing the heavy lifting. Is he passifing you or does he really want to show you...through his action that he wants to change. 

Your H finding the counselor and making the appointment will show you some commitment. Or will month pass and he sits on his hands?

If that happens then you can count on him not making any real change.

You need to see the effort from him, so inform him of such and request that you expect a date from him with regards to the MC by a certain time.

Make sense?


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## leroycat (Dec 30, 2011)

Yes makes sense. I'm just used to taking care of everything, I can't imagine him taking control. Tomorrow I'm going to tell him to book it. Should be interesting.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If its important enough to him, he just might want to take control of his marriage. You might want to share this thought with him.


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