# Facebook



## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Do we delete out spouses? Not like we talk on there but look at the pics of the kids he takes.

Thoughts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

My H unfriended me on my personal account. I told him that he was being immature considering his ex-GF of 7-years is on his FB.

He said that it's because he can't stand the idea of finding out what I'm doing (i.e. dating, being with other people), but he's "friends" with me on my professional FB account since I don't post personal stuff there. 

Last night he mentioned "friending" me back or something. It's really a little childish but what can ya do! :scratchhead:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I blocked mine almost immediately. Didn't want to be reminded of her and definitely didn't want to see her posting pictures of herself with someone else. So no I don't find that that childish. Maybe someday I can be her friend again, but not now. In my case it really hurts me just to see her. Its all so fresh in my mind right now. My old life with her.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Facebook played a huge part in ruining our marriage, so even though I have an account on there (restarted another account, not my old one) I don't have my wife friended, nor do I want to. 

It would likely be a LONG time before I could ever do that, I don't want to see what she's doing, it just messes with my head at this point. Especially because she's still friends with HIM.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Well I don't have kids with my ex but even if I did I wouldn't want to see any of his updates ever. Just unnecessary drama, IMO.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

pffft...
He left me. Walked out on me. Deleted me from his life. No conversation no closure. Nothing...zip. No money...no help. Just debt. 

Then he deleted me from his fb soon after...I had set up his fb...I hacked the acct. took it back...***d the whole thing up...deleted his entire friends list...pics/albums...everything...nothing left but a name. 

Perhaps by now he has his own...don't know don't care...but he wasn't going to have the one I took time to create and upload pics with..f' that. Dumb muxthrfker...as if I didn't set it up to grab the acct. if needed...heh...oh the texts messages came in...gimme my acct. blah blah blah...
all his pics of 'himself'...gone...yea...
every morning with my coffee I sat and deleted his friends list...it was time consuming but very therapeutic...


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

Since I am trying to R, I still have her as a friend, but it is rough. She is busy living her life, while I am just trying to heal. If we can't patch things up, then I will delete her, it is hard now, and we have a chance, I could not imagine what it would be like if it was over.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Facebook was the beginning of the end of our marriage. It was how he got in touch with his old flame. He has since re-friended her. [email protected]@kng makes me sick. Hell no we are not Facebook friends. He is blocked, all the women are blocked. His kids are blocked. I blocked him from my kids accounts too. I don't want to snow what that sick ba$tard is doing nor do I want him stalking my page.


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## TNman (Dec 24, 2012)

Yeah fb helped kill or did kill my marriage. I asked her to defriend a guy that appeared a month or so before D day announcement and because of a motorcycle ride. She did initially but he magically reappeared right at the time of our reconnection honeymoon while we were in mc. I sat on it awhile but eventually asked her to defriend again and she refused. I gave an ultimatum either him or me had to go-it was me! He is still on her fb and I have lost my wife and kids!! And the kicker is I don't think he is the OM; he was just a convenient line in the sand. Fb has caused or played a major role in the destruction of many marriages no doubt. It gives spouses an easy way to connect or reconnect with people who should not be in their life. At least she can joke at her future get togethers that she is single, happy and got rid of her ex and 27 yrs of history because he demanded her defriend some guy on fb. What a story!


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## Amymarie717 (Jan 12, 2013)

Not my spouse, we're not D yet. But I definitely deleted 250+ friends because I'm so ashamed of the inevitable divorce coming.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Why Amy ? Stuff happens !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

there is zero upside with Facebook in a damaged or destroyed relationship. zero.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Ugh. Facebook. I'm feeling hate for that entity this evening.


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## Amymarie717 (Jan 12, 2013)

lee101981 said:


> Why Amy ? Stuff happens !
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yah but I'm young and I wasn't married for too long. And I ignored red flags.. I was blinded by love. I'm ashamed of that. I can hear people judging me... "Divorced _already?_"


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

Facebook is certainly problematic. I have two accounts. One for work and the other personal. I had to remove H from my professional FB tonight. Decided that since he's leaving to go cross country that I didn't need to know what's doing. Secondly, he unfriended my family members and friends that I knew. Third, since my head isn't right just yet, I figured I didn't need to torture myself seeing if he's online (or not). 

The problem with FB is that I've got a zillion of photos of 8 years of marriage. So what does one do with all of those photos? Start a new account? Delete everything? Don't worry about it? 

You're also right. FB is problematic from an "ex" perspective. My H (probably STBXH) had his ex-girlfriend of 9 years on his FB. I knew they talked from time to time and sometimes he'd share our issues with her (which would irritate me), but they had a long history together. Then there were the occasional women he'd get to know through friends and he'd hang out with them. Some were questionable. I knew there no affairs, BUT I also know FB made those connections easier to make.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

loveispatient said:


> The problem with FB is that I've got a zillion of photos of 8 years of marriage. So what does one do with all of those photos? Start a new account? Delete everything? Don't worry about it?


take all the ex photos / albums that they are in and set the viewing settings so that ONLY YOU can view them. which eliminates other people from encountering them. 

Then a few months down the line when all of this means much much less to you... you can archive them or delete them.


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

I did that initially customized the privacy setting but then started deleting them tonight. I've got the photos archived on separate files. I used to be a photographer in another life, so I've got a ton of photos. 

I still don't know if I should "unfriend" the in-laws for now. They haven't taken sides, but I don't necessarily want them passing on info to H about what I'm doing.


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

Loveispatient......you should get back into photography, I just started it as a hobby since my depredation, and I am loving it. 

As for Facebook, I hope my wife looks at my posts, because they went from depressed post when it all went down, to now I'm reconnecting with old friends, posting new pictures, and talk about going out. She is living her life without me, it is only fair that it appears that I am living mine without her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

I personally don't really care about what H thinks about what I do with my life on FB. I don't really post much, but I do put up a lot of photos. But I figure if he wants to cut himself out, then he's choosing to be out of my life. I just have to learn to live with it as difficult as it it. I've been unhappy as well and perhaps he's doing me a favor by doing this. 

I've been trying to get back into photography. It's just been a difficult couple of years and inspiration has been short, but I shoot as much as I can. I shot professionally - weddings, events, business etc. We were in Florida before all this started and I was starting to feel inspired. I'll get back into it soon I think.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

gaming facebook is precisely the problem.

LIP, either unfriend them or block them and unsubscribe from their threads. The in-laws i liked i wrote them and told them i was unfriending them "out of respect for my ex's privacy."

I too had most of the photos in the relationship. Including the gatekeeper of all the wedding photography. Can't bring myself to delete that yet but it's now moved onto an external drive where i don't encounter it. But there was a night a few months ago where i spent about 4 hours drinking and removing her from social media.


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## hollydoll (Jan 19, 2013)

My husband told me he deactivated his FB about a week before leaving me. He actually just blocked me. I don't know that I would want to see his updates anyway. Everything is hurtful to me right now.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

you're better off, holly. reciprocate.


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

Orpheus said:


> gaming facebook is precisely the problem.
> 
> LIP, either unfriend them or block them and unsubscribe from their threads. The in-laws i liked i wrote them and told them i was unfriending them "out of respect for my ex's privacy."
> 
> I too had most of the photos in the relationship. Including the gatekeeper of all the wedding photography. Can't bring myself to delete that yet but it's now moved onto an external drive where i don't encounter it. But there was a night a few months ago where i spent about 4 hours drinking and removing her from social media.


Actually that's a good idea. Sent a message to the in-laws saying exactly that. I really do like them, but I don't want to see anything H might tag them or share with them etc. 

I deleted all our wedding photos from FB. 

I'm trying not to drink myself to death. So I'm doing OK there for the most part. I did however have 4 glasses of wine at a work event, which is pretty unusual.


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

hollydoll said:


> My husband told me he deactivated his FB about a week before leaving me. He actually just blocked me. I don't know that I would want to see his updates anyway. Everything is hurtful to me right now.


Men do the strangest things. My H unfriended all my friends including me, but stayed friends with me on my professional FB. I figured why even bother doing that right? 

I know it's hurtful. That's why I figured it's probably best that I "unfriended" and "blocked" him so that I don't get my heart hurt again.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

is it just me but personally i reckon face books bloody dangerous and ridiculous .
and you hear of so crap coming from it one way or another.

one day i got curious though , opened a dodgy and looked up some old friends .
so here they were for the whole world to see , their friends , their work , marriage , stuff they were doing each day , lots of pics , seems fg crazy to me.

the whole worlds not meant to know your personal business !


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## Azure (Oct 8, 2012)

We're still "married" on FB even though we've been separated for 2 months, waiting to be divorced.

He's never even on FB, and actually made a FB to see my profile before we met in person.

I am also ashamed of changing/hiding my relationship status 
I am thinking of deactivating for a while


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

Azure said:


> We're still "married" on FB even though we've been separated for 2 months, waiting to be divorced.
> 
> He's never even on FB, and actually made a FB to see my profile before we met in person.
> 
> ...



People are a lot more understanding that we think. I was worried about what people were think, but people understand that "****" happens. Do what you need to do. It will be OK.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

For a while i thought he might see my pics and status updates and see how much I'd changed and recognise all he was missing. It just prolonged the hurt to be honest. He unfriended me months ago, denies it still. Maybe his posOW did it, who knows. I used to check his page now and again, but it just caused me pain I didn't need. Have finally blocked him and suggested all mutual friends do the same, but that's up to them. Felt bloody good too!


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

Chopsy - I think it's easy to feel that way. I was OK being his friend on FB but I found myself looking to see if he was online and I knew that was a bad idea. All I wanted to do was talk to him. 

Anyway, but he leaves to go across the country today and I figured it's time for me to try and say/do even less with him to keep my sanity intact. 

He unfriended much of our mutual friends (once that I knew first) and my family members. But that's his choice. At the end of the day, it's what helps us get through right? At least that's what I keep telling myself...


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

she unfriended me, and that was devastating to me at the time. I have 2 account, the old one with my family only, and the new one, the new one my kids do not have access to and the ex and her family are on my blocklist


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I have not been able to take our pictures off of facebook or my phone either for that matter. My daughter asked my why I still have pics of that man on my phone. I don't have an answer for her except that I am not ready for that yet. Blocking his access is one thing. "Deleting" him from my life completely....that will be a very hard step. Not ready.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

While I've never had a FB account, nor the inclination to ever be motivated enough to get one, my kids do~ as I think most all college kids consider it an absolute necessity. Add to that list a large number of my friends and professional contacts.

And like a lot of you, FB played a major role in the demise of my marriage, with my STBXW using it in successfully hooking up the OM from her distant past. To this date, she is still friends with him.

How would I know? Because of what some of my other friends and relatives who are FB _aficionados_ and also FB friends of hers often relay to me. I'm not exactly wild about seeing her recent photos and reading of her most recent exploits and "ga-ga-ing" over her new life and love interest, but at least my friends are able to pass along some of that info to me, as we're still fastly tied up in a rather contentious divorce situation. And this is info that I'd likely never be able to have access to otherwise unless they saw fit to provide it to me.

But truth be told, those are my true friends!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I blocked him and then defriended him. It just doesn't do any good. I forgot about all his family, thanks for reminding me - I'll defriend them too 

He got all affronted and wanted to know why I'd done it. Didn't have a clue that posting about finding his soulmate (barf) in front of all our mutual friends was humiliating to someone who hasn't (and wouldn't) ever say a word about our divorce in public.

I'm past caring whether or not anyone will be offended now


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

ooh just had a cull of 20 of his family and friends
damn that feels so good I need a cigarette


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## rickster (Jan 14, 2013)

I dont like facebook. It gives people an unrealistic view of the world. It played a big part in the breakdown of my marriage. She thought everyone else was happier, and having more fun, than her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

He didn't delete me until I told everyone what he did. Then he deleted me. Then after awhile, I blocked him.

Been blocked for quite sometime. He has only mentioned it once, I guess he talked to my mother during one of his visits with the baby(he comes with his mother every time) and when his mom told my mom she liked the pictures of the baby I put on Facebook, he said" I can't see them, (Spunky) must've blocked me"

I deactivated Facebook for awhile also, but that was when I wasn't coping well.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

I agree... FB is led to a lot of my marital issues. My WW had countless guy friends on it, and chatted with them all the time. She would post about our kids constantly, but never me. She even portrayed herself as a Single Mom, looking for a man. This is when we were still together. I am not into FB, so I never noticed a lot of what she was doing covertly. I feel dumb now though.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> I agree... FB is led to a lot of my marital issues. My WW had countless guy friends on it, and chatted with them all the time. She would post about our kids constantly, but never me. She even portrayed herself as a Single Mom, looking for a man. This is when we were still together. I am not into FB, so I never noticed a lot of what she was doing covertly. I feel dumb now though.


You are not dumb and Facebook in itself is not evil. I have an account and I DO THE RIGHT THING. However, it is the devil's playground for people who do not want to do the right thing. It is tempting and since it is online and not face-to-face, people feel free to do things that they might not consider other times. My husband did not do the right thing and neither did your wife. We should not feel dumb...they should be ashamed. I am angry, hurt, bitter, all of the emotions possible, but I'll be damned if he is going to blame FB. It was his falt.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

I first removed all photos with her and untagged myself from hers. I unfriended mine. Then blocked her. Also blocked her friends from work. I haven't blocked her brother as they have little contact and he's a cool dude. But may end up unsubscribing or unfriending him eventually.

She flipped. Wanted to exchange photos of D6 on facebook. Nope. There are plenty of other ways to do that. Better ways too. 

D6 can help me print out photos and mail them to her mom. Make it an activity that involves her... so the package is from her too.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I'd delete it. I suspected he was using FB to cheat on or at least flirt on me at least two years before confrontation because he had me on limited profile view. He always told me bullsh!t like he wasn't good with computers. To excuse why I couldn't see everything on his wall. When I finally got into his account on D-day, I found the proof of that by way of inappropriate emails between him and two coworkers. 

A glutton for punishment I suppose but I made a mistake and checked his Facebook a couple months after D-day and it only hurt my heart. The same feelings in my gut on D-day came rushing back. I've since blocked him permanently when I saw the messages on his wall and don't think I'll be looking again. Lesson learned.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> I have not been able to take our pictures off of facebook or my phone either for that matter. My daughter asked my why I still have pics of that man on my phone. I don't have an answer for her except that I am not ready for that yet. Blocking his access is one thing. "Deleting" him from my life completely....that will be a very hard step. Not ready.


I am exactly here. 

The other night I started making the check marks in the boxes on my cell phone pics for deletion...got half way through and just stopped...I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I love our pictures. I can't look at them. I hurt bad. Really bad. Our pics/marriage and all are still on fb...and on my pc...I haven't been able to delete any of them. I don't know why...
I do things when I'm ready...small increments according to where my head and heart are at I suppose. I know I need to get those pics off...Just thinking about it makes me cry and hurt inside. 
I have a personal hurdle to accomplish before I can do this task...

Today I'm sad. I miss him. I miss us...


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I am exactly here.
> 
> The other night I started making the check marks in the boxes on my cell phone pics for deletion...got half way through and just stopped...I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I love our pictures. I can't look at them. I hurt bad. Really bad. Our pics/marriage and all are still on fb...and on my pc...I haven't been able to delete any of them. I don't know why...
> I do things when I'm ready...small increments according to where my head and heart are at I suppose. I know I need to get those pics off...Just thinking about it makes me cry and hurt inside.
> ...



Stella, you do not have to delete anything until you are ready. It will be a long while before I can do this, if ever. This was a part of our lives. Yes, we are moving past it, but deleting it almost seems like deleting two years of my life history. I know you are sad. I get sad too. I miss him too. Why? I can't answer that. Make a list of all the bad things that have happened. Read them when you get sad. If you journal, read the past entries when you hav been hurt. You have to go through the sadness and so do I. We have to remember the pain though so that we don't let the sadness of missing them overcome us. We CAN get through this. It isn't fair. It isn't right but it happened. It is over and we have to move past this CRAP.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

^ this.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> You are not dumb and Facebook in itself is not evil. I have an account and I DO THE RIGHT THING. However, it is the devil's playground for people who do not want to do the right thing. It is tempting and since it is online and not face-to-face, people feel free to do things that they might not consider other times. My husband did not do the right thing and neither did your wife. We should not feel dumb...they should be ashamed. I am angry, hurt, bitter, all of the emotions possible, but I'll be damned if he is going to blame FB. It was his falt.


:iagree: 200 million times with this


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

yeah my wife unfriended me too, hmmm.... wonder why? Something to hide maybe? who knows? My give a damn is busted! It's gotten to the point where I don't care what she does anymore!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Don't understand all these people with illusions or grandeur. The grass is always greener on the other side but it's setting on a septic tank.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> I deleted the ones on my phone right away.
> 
> Only because I knew there were copies of them on the PC.
> 
> ...


How long did it take you after separation did it take you?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> How long did it take you after separation did it take you?


I deleted the photos on FB and unfriended her days after she moved out. 

I have not deleted any digital photos from my hard drive and will not. Most contain D6 and it's important to keep those for her. 

I did take the photos and negatives of anniversaries, etc as well as wedding keepsakes and cards she'd given me over the years and packed them in her boxes when she was moving.


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## StillLife (Jan 19, 2013)

This is an odd little dilemna I've been going through myself. Like most of you, Facebook had its paws in some of the infidelity issues in my marriage. To be honest, I'm not a big fan of Facebook in general, as it seems like just another tool to posture and try to convince someone how awesome your life is. My wife, being the narcissist that she is, has always been very active on it, as are my in-laws.

I find myself checking it more than ever for that reason. I hop on, check her page to see if she still has us as married, still has me as a friend. It's like for a brief little second I can pretend we're still...bonded somehow. But then I will see some boppy, upbeat, post she makes and it makes me bitter. It's like, how the hell can you be happy about destroying our family for some fantasy online relationship, sinking to putting on cam shows for the guy, and after having been exposed for it! 

I know in my heart I should unfriend and/or block her as it just ends up hurting, but I just can't bring myself to. Plus it's like a window I have into the lives of my children when I'm not with them, which is hard because I've always been there, at least in the five years I have been a father to my stepson and since my daughter was born. 

They have a "separated" option for your relationship status, but that would just make everything...so public. Ugh.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I dumped every single wedding photo/love letter, etc. about a week after he moved out. He had the cheek to be affronted by it

Interestingly there were no photos of 'the two of us' on either of our FBs, we just didn't put personal photos up there. Of course he has a profile pic of him with his new GF now so he must have changed his stance on that one. But it made things a hell of a lot easier. 

We were able to split our lives very quickly. Which says it all


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

After a week or two, I made everything public.

He wanted to keep it a secret, but I decided he didn't get a say once he kicked me and our unborn daughter out and didn't so much as give me a dime or a phone call. Not even a text.

So I made everything public, put myself as separated and that was when he deleted me.
Then I blocked him.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> How long did it take you after separation did it take you?


I removed her after 3 weeks.

Along with all friends and family of hers.

She put herself as single the next day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## emt7535 (Jan 20, 2013)

I hate Facebook. At night when we should have been laying close to each other she was busy on Facebook. It seems that the happenings on Facebook were more important than the happenings in our own life. Now we are going through a divorce and I hope Facebook is there to see her through.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

emt7535 said:


> I hate Facebook. At night when we should have been laying close to each other she was busy on Facebook. It seems that the happenings on Facebook were more important than the happenings in our own life. Now we are going through a divorce and I hope Facebook is there to see her through.


Agreed - not sure if it is all face book he just always had the phone or ipad in his face 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

emt7535 said:


> I hate Facebook. At night when we should have been laying close to each other she was busy on Facebook. It seems that the happenings on Facebook were more important than the happenings in our own life. Now we are going through a divorce and I hope Facebook is there to see her through.


That's true. H would spend a lot of time chatting on FB. I enjoy using it, but I didn't spend the kind of time he did on it. In fact, there were messages he sent to women who would flirt with him (and he was usually a harmless flirt) when he was having a rough time with me. Usually telling them that I had gained weight (infertility treatment) or how not fun I was ( go figure)... I don't think he meant anything by it, but perhaps possible EA with one, though he wouldn't admit it. Not that it matters at this juncture.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Found out my wife moved out on me today and abandoned our 3 boys (ages 18, 15, and 8, the 2 older ones are my step sons). i was out of town with the 8yo for the week, and she left monday (nobody told me til today). Moved from Western Pa to North NH to be with OM. And all I see is her posting crap about how she is so happy now to be free with a bright new future and post from her OMs family welcoming her with open arms. Makes me sick. And I doubt they know any true details about her abondonment.


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

I had some fun on Facebook a few weeks ago. My H forgot to log off his account. I got to see all comments of how pretty this girl was and oh, you still have those beautiful green eyes,to an ex from high school. He has Harvard as his college!! Ha ha, he barely finished high school. Lies and BS everywhere. So that day he posts old pictures of himself (when he was good looking) and some of our two children in an album. Nothing of me, so I added a great big head shot of me with the title MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE. I expected some anger on his part but nothing was said. He always acts like an unmarried man. NEVER wore his wedding ring, flirts with every girl he sees. We are still married but not for long! I hope some of those girls catch on that he LIES.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Calling All Angels said:


> I had some fun on Facebook a few weeks ago. My H forgot to log off his account. I got to see all comments of how pretty this girl was and oh, you still have those beautiful green eyes,to an ex from high school. He has Harvard as his college!! Ha ha, he barely finished high school. Lies and BS everywhere. So that day he posts old pictures of himself (when he was good looking) and some of our two children in an album. Nothing of me, so I added a great big head shot of me with the title MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE. I expected some anger on his part but nothing was said. He always acts like an unmarried man. NEVER wore his wedding ring, flirts with every girl he sees. We are still married but not for long! I hope some of those girls catch on that he LIES.


Wow... sounds just like my wife! I even did something similar that you did when I happened to get onto her unlogged off account.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

I really don't like FB? When I was depressed it was horrible to see happy cheery posts from people. It can create a false impression. The only reason I have it is because of friends and family on it. I do enjoy staying in touch with them.

I only blocked my ex yesterday. He unfriended me months ago, tho denies it. Maybe he posOW did it. Who knows. I was still checking his page from time to time, but all it did was hurt me. I finally wised up and blocked. That felt just wonderful.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

OzyMan said:


> Found out my wife moved out on me today and abandoned our 3 boys (ages 18, 15, and 8, the 2 older ones are my step sons). i was out of town with the 8yo for the week, and she left monday (nobody told me til today). Moved from Western Pa to North NH to be with OM. And all I see is her posting crap about how she is so happy now to be free with a bright new future and post from her OMs family welcoming her with open arms. Makes me sick. And I doubt they know any true details about her abondonment.


Sorry to hear about your plight, Ozy! My heart goes out to you! But just watch out for those boys that she abandoned. They are a far greater asset to you than she will ever live to be. Those boys right now need a "true father" and I firmly believe that you are the man for that job!

And if you haven't done so, get to your lawyers office and file for D immediately; and be sure to hit her up for child support~even for her two.

I lost my marriage to FB and since joining TAM, it's beyond alarming to find out just how many others have either been or are being destroyed by this so-called social phenomena!


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Chopsy said:


> I really don't like FB? When I was depressed it was horrible to see happy cheery posts from people. It can create a false impression. The only reason I have it is because of friends and family on it. I do enjoy staying in touch with them.
> 
> I only blocked my ex yesterday. He unfriended me months ago, tho denies it. Maybe he posOW did it. Who knows. I was still checking his page from time to time, but all it did was hurt me. I finally wised up and blocked. That felt just wonderful.


I used to check my stbxh page all the time. His and the other women. (Yes, plural.) That is how I found out he was back to being "friends" with the first woman. It was on her page that she and him were friends December 4. He was SHOCKED when I found out because his profile is so private. Dumba$$ didn't think the info could be found elsewhere. Anyway, since I blocked him and ALL of the bit%hes, I feel much better. I am kinda OCD, and all it does is hurt me to look at their pages. I don't need to go there mentally and blocking kinda prevents me from doing it. Yeah, I could unblock and check, but that takes an extra step that I can usually stop myself from doing.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'd never delete my spouse. Actually he can go on my iPod touch at any time to browse through my Facebook or any app he wishes to. My husband does not have a Facebook, he thinks it's a pointless site to begin with. I have nothing to hide.

I really like Facebook. I hate texting, so I talk to my best friends through the private messaging. I can type much faster on the itouch then the cell phone. I like looking at my friends children growing up, I like looking at other people's pets, foods they make and the funny comics that circulate through there.

I do not do or say anything inappropriate. Most would find my Facebook page boring, but it's my only communication source to converse with my friends.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I do not do or say anything inappropriate. Most would find my Facebook page boring, but it's my only communication source to converse with my friends.


So...you use Facebook wisely...good job!


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> Sorry to hear about your plight, Ozy! My heart goes out to you! But just watch out for those boys that she abandoned. They are a far greater asset to you than she will ever live to be. Those boys right now need a "true father" and I firmly believe that you are the man for that job!
> 
> And if you haven't done so, get to your lawyers office and file for D immediately; and be sure to hit her up for child support~even for her two.
> 
> I lost my marriage to FB and since joining TAM, it's beyond alarming to find out just how many others have either been or are being destroyed by this so-called social phenomena!


It is VERY hard to keep positive for the boys... Im trying my hardest but I am getting drained fast. I have no support for myself, other than online right now, and im over analyzing everything... cant eat, sleep, concentrate (all the usual effects this crap brings).


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Ozy-Sounded like me about two months ago. Start a thread on tam...it will help. My D will be final in less than two weeks. It's a journey, not a destination but isn't that what it should be?


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Does marriage and adultery mean anything anymore to anyone?? My marriage feels like its no big deal if my W wanders and plays around. And I feel like all the people close to her posting have the idea like she is victim!!! She must have been really unhappy cause of her H. Now she left him and is happy again, good for her!!! Its all over her FB posts!!! I wanna scream!!! But then again if i think about... maybe she deletes all the ones saying 'WTF girl? you left your kids and husband for another man while you are still married. Are you nuts!!!' <-cause that is what all my friends tell me they want to post.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Ozy-When she sits in the victim chair she tells herself lies so many times.......she starts to believe it.

The fact she deserted you was disgraceful but her children.....deplorable. She should be locked up with women who wanted kids but never was able.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

You are right... she is 2 faced in a way. blabbering stuff like how she loves and misses all the kids. Well... if that was the case she wouldnt have moved 12 hours away from them!!! Her priorities are way out of whack.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Ozy-If you haven't started a thread, please do. You will get a lot of support here. Let me know if you do, I will be following it.


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## StillLife (Jan 19, 2013)

OzyMan said:


> Does marriage and adultery mean anything anymore to anyone?? My marriage feels like its no big deal if my W wanders and plays around. And I feel like all the people close to her posting have the idea like she is victim!!! She must have been really unhappy cause of her H. Now she left him and is happy again, good for her!!! Its all over her FB posts!!! I wanna scream!!! But then again if i think about... maybe she deletes all the ones saying 'WTF girl? you left your kids and husband for another man while you are still married. Are you nuts!!!' <-cause that is what all my friends tell me they want to post.


Same thing my wife was doing man, until I exposed the real reason our marriage was ending (her continued affair even while asking me to come back) to various people.

I think narcissists, like it sounds like you wife might be, have a supernatural ability to accept responsibility for the horrible things they do to people, and find it far easier to deny, deny, deny.

And yeah, I had no idea there were so many people out there who ARE ok with adultery and even see it as the natural course of things. Completely blows my mind and my previous perceptions of how people view marriage.


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> Ozy-If you haven't started a thread, please do. You will get a lot of support here. Let me know if you do, I will be following it.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/65796-just-found-out-wife-left-me-om-could-use-support.html

above is a link i started last night..


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

NearlyEx and I are still friends on our personal fbs, but I unfriended him on his business fb. He did notice, and asked me why. i told him I saw no reason to maintain it. We unsubscribed from each other's feeds, but since we do post photos of our DS on there, it hasn't been a big deal to me. My STBXMIL & STBXSIL look at them, too. Until I unsubscribed, it bothered me a lot to see how he was moving on. There were pics of him with posgf before he told me he was going to start dating. Now that he doesn't show up on my feed, it's like we aren't 'friends'. We never used fb to post lots of couple photos. If they also have ds in them, I still have them there. I guess I've gotten to the point where I don't care. We were married long enough that taking photos off fb doesn't change my feelings much either way. 

Since DS is too young for his own email or FB, we'll prolly just leave it like this for a while. I know he relegated his only photo of me alone to a buried folder right after the ilybinilwy speech. Whatever. If I'd found TAM then, I probably wouldn't have been able to delude myself as to what that meant, despite the words he was saying to me about 'not being sure.' 

I'm glad I've gotten to the point where FB is just another broken connection that in itself has no meaning. We were married. We have a son. Whether I see it on FB or not doesn't change the potency of what I remember. Time and distance is needed for that.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Considering my W's FB profile pic is of her and OM, yep...deleted


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## OzyMan (Jan 15, 2013)

old timer said:


> Considering my W's FB profile pic is of her and OM, yep...deleted


Yup... mine too!!!


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

That's awful!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

Holy cow. I'd delete their accounts too if I had to see H and OW. Sheesh.


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## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

I don't get on FB often, but my WAW defriended me, and has gone thru cycles of blocking me, unblocking me, and blocking me again. Currently I'm blocked which means she's not happy with me right now. FB was the key that destroyed my marriage. It's how she met up with her POSom.


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## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

Also my WAW has her and her POSom as her main pic...saw it before I was blocked again this weekend. Her mom and step mom defriended me but didn't block me. I changed my relationship status from married to single as my WAW was still hiding things out of fear from what ppl would think of her. She freaked out when I did that. I got a good laugh from that


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Unfriend yourself from hers..........problem solved. Fill out D papers.....other problem solved.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

BC3 said:


> I changed my relationship status from married to single as my WAW was still hiding things out of fear from what ppl would think of her. She freaked out when I did that. I got a good laugh from that


Ha! Similar thing here. I changed mine to "It's complicated". She flipped and was crying and just took her relationship status off. Told me by doing that people won't ask questions, unlike trying to get sympathy from everyone. 

Told her it wasn't a search for sympathy, just making my friends and family aware as I wasn't ashamed and questions don't scare me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I never really discovered it until well after my separation began, but one of my friends who happens to a FB friend of STBXW tipped me off that she had been advertising her marital status as "divorced"; all while we were still very much married and no divorce filing had ever been made by her. In fact, my friend went on to say that it was even that way while we were still residing together as husband and wife.

But as of late, however, it does appear that she has taken her marital status completely off of there altogether!


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## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

zillard said:


> Ha! Similar thing here. I changed mine to "It's complicated". She flipped and was crying and just took her relationship status off. Told me by doing that people won't ask questions, unlike trying to get sympathy from everyone.
> 
> Told her it wasn't a search for sympathy, just making my friends and family aware as I wasn't ashamed and questions don't scare me.


My WAW lives on FB, she likes her "FB life" better than "real life" I believe. I don't blame FB for my failed marriage, although it certainly didn't help my marriage out. I suppose the POSom would have resorted to a letter or phone call if this were 50 or 75 years in the past...FB just made things easier for my ex to get with him.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

BC3 said:


> My WAW lives on FB, she likes her "FB life" better than "real life" I believe. I don't blame FB for my failed marriage, although it certainly didn't help my marriage out. I suppose the POSom would have resorted to a letter or phone call if this were 50 or 75 years in the past...FB just made things easier for my ex to get with him.


Better hope she never discovers "Second Life".


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

I hate Facebook today. 

I haven't checked up on H since I've blocked him and such BUT I looked up his brother's FB page (we're not friends; his privacy settings are low) and it mentions H moving up there and looking for something PERMANENT etc. I was doing really well today, and then I read that.. I know it was stupid to even look.

I wasn't expecting reconciliation, but it's still hard to read. And I was doing so well today!


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

We all slip, keep moving forward!!! You can and will do this!!!! Head up!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

lee101981 said:


> We all slip, keep moving forward!!! You can and will do this!!!! Head up!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Facebook used to be fun. These days, it's just a reminder of everything lost. I've had to un-friend mutual friends, my-in-laws (and I actually like them), his friends etc. I'm praying for grace and peace, but who knows what's in store tomorrow. Sigh.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

loveispatient said:


> I hate Facebook today.
> 
> I haven't checked up on H since I've blocked him and such BUT I looked up his brother's FB page (we're not friends; his privacy settings are low) and it mentions H moving up there and looking for something PERMANENT etc. I was doing really well today, and then I read that.. I know it was stupid to even look.
> 
> I wasn't expecting reconciliation, but it's still hard to read. And I was doing so well today!


Similar happened to me. I blocked ex months ago once he signed up (he showed up on "People you may know" ad). Well his privacy settings are very low and open. One of my friends told me that his new wife is from a city where one of the plants is located for his job.

Even though we are divorced now, it just opens up questions in my mind like how long has he really known her? Was the EA I thought I discovered not even with the right girl? Was he cheating on me long before I even joined TAM?? 

I know I have to just process and let it go. I will never know the truth and I can't keep going in circles in my mind. He is obviously a serial cheater and has issues to be married only 2 weeks after getting divorced from an 8 yr marriage. 

Take a deep breath and realize you are better then letting his actions control your emotions and well being. You go this!


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

my ex wife got addicted to facebook, our marriage counsellor said facebook is a common problem in marriages.

problems were, 

+ we go out for tea, she would have to check facebook constantly
+ she would do posts 5 times a day
+ she would always check up on what other ppl were doing
+ She would also try and get in an argument on there


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

just a word of advice.....if you are looking up your ex or soon to be ex.....stop it! you are inviting pain. most of the posts are exaggerated anyway. FB is like a huge high school yearbook....you might open it up once every five years but that's it. my soon to be ex wife has FB.....I never looked at her page when things were great between us. Why would I now?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> my soon to be ex wife has FB.....I never looked at her page when things were great between us. Why would I now?


Ha. Yeah. Before mine moved out she got all upset because I never liked or commented on her photos/posts. 

Sorry - I'm too busy to be daily checking my spouse's FB. I would rather see her and talk to her at home!


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## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

That's true too. In our case, we enjoyed FB to keep up with friends and family and it was fun to post photos of our trips and such etc. It's a lot better when you can talk in person versus using FB to do it (which is what we would do a lot).


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Z-Yeah when a FB comment means more than face2face interaction........that's a sign of trouble....and delusion. I never thought a thing about the importance of FB and someone's ego. As hard as it is for some to fathom, there were lives before FB.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

We could always start our own TMA want to be facebook page.. It is alot easier to talk on facebook cause you can see when people are on and message then... at least faster


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

then we would need an underground TAM for TAM regs cheating on TAMs FB page LOL


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Yeah!!!


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

I reactivated FB a couple of weeks ago. I shut it down after STBXW left. It took me 4 hours to delete every single comment and photo of her/us and I went from 120 friends down to 45. I blocked like a man on a mission, friends, family, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends of friends. Every last person I could think of. I am protected now.

I reactivated once after about the second month and in a moment of anger I wrote a nasty comment. This is while we were still 'friends'. She then blocked me. Mind you, it was 5.30am in the morning and I deleted after about 5 minutes (felt quilty) but to my horror she saw it. She was always on the Ipad or FB sitting on the lounge while I was running around like a headless chook. From the second she woke up, till the second she went to sleep. I used to bring in a cup of tea to her each morning and she had just woken up and was on it.

She was even on it (ipad) when she was bottle feeding our baby when he was 4 or 5 weeks old. She said at the last visit that while she is patting him to put him to sleep she reads E-Books and checks FB on her iPhone.

That damned ipad. Because I love all things gadgety, I HAD to have one. Thing is I never got to use it because she was on it 24/7. But I didn't mind. Well, I did but I never said anything. Actually I mided a great deal.

I was doing dishes once and she said something or other (we weren't fighting) and I said 'You're always on the Ipad', a few minutes later she said 'You do raise a good point'.

But I left it. And she did love FB and the ipad.


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## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

Facebook and divorce go hand in hand. Either it causes the divorce or becomes the hangout when the divorce happens. Have seen it with my friends.

So far, STBX and I are still FB friends and showing as married. I will change my relationship status and drop him as a friend once the divorce is final. I want to make sure all my friends find out face to face, not via FB. Neither of us had an affair, so no pics on FB to stir up trouble. I do sometimes feel limited in what I can post, but a couple more months and I can post all the "Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank God Almighty I'm Free at Last" comments I want.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Before she blocked me she took her relationship status off and that just about killed me.

Mine now says Separated. All of my friends live interstate so I thought I'd best let the world know. We still have until July until we can D (laws). I don't want to put my status as 'Divorced'. Will come to that later.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Way before his time..........in regards to FB and technology
-"An American has no sense of privacy. He does not know what it means. There is no such thing in the country." - George Bernard Shaw


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