# How to repair a bad day.



## Silly Me

First post to this website, please bare with me. My husband of 5 years and I struggle everyday it seems to have a healthy relationship. It's work, we know that. 2 babies, working full time, he is also doing online schooling and helping the world around him with every soul that knocks on our door, is taking a toll on me, if not our relationship. I used to think the longevity of this relationship had no expiration date but lately, I think how things would go if we did expire. It saddens me to think this way, but the strains on our lifestyle and relationship seem to push him away from us (kids and I) and it would seem mommy and 2 kids are living with a bachelor, teen. He's 100% faithful, there is not a thought in my mind of any infidelity, however, its nothing to him to just throw on his shoes and head out the door to do whatever he wants. Leaves in the evening with car buddies and often comes home 2, 3, or even 4am. Weekends away racing, driving to conferences for his political aspirations. Mom and kids cannot keep up with his spontaneous, care free lifestyle. At the end of the day, its been "me time" for him, a lot of it. Infact tonight was a perfect example, he's been on Xbox for several hours straight. He never used to play on the xbox and now its been like a nightly thing for almost 2 weeks. He gives up a night here and there to be with me only to fall asleep in mid conversation. I'm feeling beat down. Some people say its his way of unwinding. Others say its a little much, he should focus more on you and the kids. Part of my doesn't know what to say, think or feel anymore. He is a loving person, but his agenda has filled up so much that we feel like we are being phased out, even though he says he is not and he doesn't think he is doing that. Sorry for the winded post. I'll stop there for now.


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## Abc123wife

When he is in the middle of more of his me time with his xbox, get dressed up and tell him you are on the way out to meet up with a friend. Then go! And don't come back until 4am. Even if you have to sit in the library by yourself and then sleep over at a friend's house, you need him to realize that with 2 kids, parents don't get more than a few moments of me time each day. He needs to realize he can't have that kind of time for all his interests leaving you to pick up his end of things.


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## Lynds1980

What age are your babies? Could you get a sitter for an evening so you can get out? Even just you with friends. 
It wouldn't fix your H but might make things more tolerable


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## Almost There

Have you sat down and had a serious conversation with him? Tell him you really need HELP? If he doesn't think you're being serious, make up a daily or weekly schedule of how swamped you are taking care of everything by yourself. Have him tally up all his time spent 'unwinding' and ask him if that seems fair to him. Tell him (only if you have to; if he's really NOT listening) that you've been actually considering leaving him over it because you just can't handle doing everything yourself anymore.

See what happens. Good luck


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## SimplyAmorous

Silly Me said:


> My husband of 5 years and I struggle everyday it seems to have a healthy relationship. It's work, we know that. 2 babies, working full time, he is also doing online schooling and helping the world around him with every soul that knocks on our door, is taking a toll on me, if not our relationship.
> 
> I used to think the longevity of this relationship had no expiration date but lately, I think how things would go if we did expire. It saddens me to think this way, but the strains on our lifestyle and relationship seem to push him away from us (kids and I) and it would seem mommy and 2 kids are living with a bachelor, teen. He's 100% faithful, there is not a thought in my mind of any infidelity, *however, its nothing to him to just throw on his shoes and head out the door to do whatever he wants. Leaves in the evening with car buddies and often comes home 2, 3, or even 4am. Weekends away racing, driving to conferences for his political aspirations. Mom and kids cannot keep up with his spontaneous, care free lifestyle.*


 What is he doing out as late as 4 am? He is living like a single man ...with no care to his families needs around him...he is taking you for granted...



> At the end of the day, its been "me time" for him, a lot of it. Infact tonight was a perfect example, he's been on Xbox for several hours straight. He never used to play on the xbox and now its been like a nightly thing for almost 2 weeks. *He gives up a night here and there to be with me only to fall asleep in mid conversation. I'm feeling beat down.* Some people say its his way of unwinding. Others say its a little much, he should focus more on you and the kids. Part of my doesn't know what to say, think or feel anymore. He is a loving person, but his agenda has filled up so much that we feel like we are being phased out, even though he says he is not and he doesn't think he is doing that.


In His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage  ...the author speaks how a couple needs at least 15 hours a week of intimate conversation...(which means being with the wife, listening, talking, sharing).... where would you say you & he are? 

Your husband's priorities are not where they should be....As the last poster has asked... Have you sat him down and expressed how you are feeling...that you want to work towards a compromise on some of his outside activities that takes him away from the family TOO MUCH... 

These are the core Emotional needs addressed in the book .. #5 is *FAMILY COMMITMENT* ...it's very important ... I would recommend buying this book.. and sitting down with him , using it as a guide to open this up...and hopefully, he will listen and HEAR you....willing to come half way to making some changes....to bring you closer together... 




> 10 Emotional needs:
> 
> 
> 1. *Admiration*
> 2. *Affection*
> 3. *Conversation*
> 4. *Domestic support*
> 5. *Family commitment*
> 6.* Financial support*
> 7. *Honesty and openness*
> 8. *Physical attractiveness*
> 9. *Recreational companionship*
> 10. *Sexual fulfillment*










 Emotional Needs Questionnaire


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