# Its getting harder and harder to cum with my wife...



## DowninWash (Mar 17, 2010)

We have been together for 8 years and married for almost 5. After the sex life started to slow down, we would try new thing to keep it going. Role playing and talking about having other people join us. But for the last couple month is has been harder and harder to cum while having sex with her. I just don't know why it happens when we don't role play and talk really dirty. Kind of like a drug, where I have to beat the high I got last time. I just feel terrible and she really is hurt by it. I just want to be able to have sex like we used to, without having to push it to the extreme every time. Anyone have similar problems?
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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Hey DowninWash do you mind if I ask how old you are? It may have some bearing on the response/reply.


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## DowninWash (Mar 17, 2010)

27...I hope the spelling didn't make you think "this guy has to be young". Im on my phone and not the computer.
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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Anything that's bothering you about her or her personality? Is she being boring, the same old, no new ideas lately? I mean out of the bedroom. She still ever flirting or playing a bit 'hard to get'?


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## DowninWash (Mar 17, 2010)

Personality: No that why I love her.

Boring: Yeah sometimes, but I can be too.

Sometime I wish she would lose a couple pounds, but I really have no room to talk.

This will sound kind of sexist, but I wish she would do more around the house. She got cut to part-time and it seems like Im still having to a lot of the stuff around here. And not just the cooking and cleaning, but paying bills, taking care if the yard, having to clean out her car. 

I guess I would like her to be a lot more motivated in her day. I have brought this up before, but it turns in to an argument and goes nowhere. I try to keep busy most of the time and get lost in them and space her out. We even make time for us to be apart, but sometimes its not long enough.

Sometimes I think I should just stop looking at porn all together, since it seems easier to watch then deal with her.
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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

This might be an issue for you 'she would lose a couple pounds'. And this 'she would do more around the house'. The two combined imediately form the impression of a passive, relatively lazy person. I'm not trying to offend you in any way, or your wife. Some people really are attracted to energetic, alive and motivated people. Was she like that in the beginning? Maybe somewhere deep down you're pissed because she isn't acting like your woman/wife and taking care of you and your house enough? Then you try to compensate by expecting her to at least excite you horribly during sex? And the less she does the more excitement you want from sex? (what i'm saying here may not fit at all, i'm just giving ideas so you can see if this rings a bell in any way). 

I don't know what to say about porn. For me it makes it worse. Because i get to see once every 1-2 days what i'm missing out on in real life. For my husband, yes, it's probably a safe spot and easier to deal with than dealing with me. I can't say porn is a bad thing. But you definately should build up the courage and determination to fix things with her, or at least try to (conflict or not, porn or not). Talking from the point of view of the wife, trust me when i'm say i'm misserable and i can feel the lack of desire. In time this grows to some serious thoughts about divorce, resentment, not wanting to do anything at all for my husband because i already feel like he's depriving me of a very important part of my life etc. People need joy and happiness, excitement, both in the bedroom and outside of it. Right now you're getting none with your wife and it's obvious this is an issue. I'm not talking about the soft 'i love you' feeling. I'm talking about actual excitement, surprise, curiosity...stuff like that. Hope this helps you in any way.


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## DowninWash (Mar 17, 2010)

Thanks for the idea's. Think Ill try and take her out this weekend and have some fun. And not my idea of fun, but hers
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## Goin'Crazy (Mar 18, 2010)

Wow, this sounds all too familiar. This is so similar to what my husband and I are going through right now. Me being in the same shoes as your wife. 

I can only speak for myself, but I stopped doing a lot of things I knew were important to him because I felt he didn't care about me anymore. Why should I care if he doesn't. He didn't touch me or kiss me. He didn't and doesn't make me feel special or even like I am important to him. I feel like sports will always be top priority and I'll never be put first. I feel rejected by the man I love all the time. 

Sex was good for me at first but he had difficulty just like you. He looks at porn too. He disappears into the restroom with his laptop in hand and doesn't come out for a good 30 minutes+. I can make him hard, that is not a problem. It's getting him to reach climax that I can't do. It was ok at first, but now it's gotten so bad, we haven't been together in a year and he pushes me away. He says he can't do anything because he's not attracted to me (even though I can get him aroused). 

If you do love her, and you really want it to work, make her feel like she IS important to you. Make her feel appreciated. Exercise together, make it fun. Hit the track together, you go your pace, let her go at her own pace. You will still be doing something together. Ride bikes, go on a hike. Make it fun, not work. 

Do you still tell her " I love you"? Give her a kiss just because. Romance, we NEED romance. When you first got together, you probably were romantic (even if you didn't know it..hehe). Send her a text wishing her a good day and telling her you love her. Send her a naughty text. Right her a note as simple as " I ♥ U" and put it in her lunch bag, wallet...anywhere SHE will find it, don't give it directly to her. Make a date night with her and keep it. 

Let it be ok to masturbate after being intimate with her. Masturbate in front of her, better yet, have her help. It is possible that the feeling you achieve from masturbation is such that your wife will NEVER be able to give you that "feeling". Your fist will always be tighter. Have that experience together. 

I started feeling insecure when he couldn't reach a climax. He could make me climax multiple times but I did nothing for him. I bought shiny vinyl boots, sexy tops, shiny skirts. You name it I tried it. I even watched porn with him to see if that would help him get off. It worked for a short while. Everyone is different. Giving up is easy, making it work is hard. Aren't all the good things worth having hard to get, but worth it at the end?

I wish you and your wife luck.


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## DowninWash (Mar 17, 2010)

Well we still have sex once a week and I kiss her and tell her I love her any chance I get. She would have left me if I hadn't been with her in a year. I hope your husband knows that's he's lucky to have a woman that loves him.
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