# Making the same mistake over and over!



## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

I don't know how to stop myself! I keep making the same mistake, thinking I'll get a different result. Once again I am proven wrong.

Today the stbxh helped me move some of my (+kids) stuff out of the basement of our house (that he is renting out) into my new place. He did this to be nice and because he just got a new (to him) truck which holds more than my car. That went fine. Then we went to lunch together. I know, weird! But we're like that. When we get along, we push it until it ends in a fight. So we're at lunch and he asks me if I had talked to my lawyer yet. I told him I had and good news for him, based on our prenup I can not get maintenance. Good news for him, not so much for me. So then he says, "so $600 is sounding better and better huh?" I respond with No, I'm still going to go on the formula set by the courts for child support. And also, again based on our prenup, get the money that I put down for the house. That's when it all goes to hell in a hand basket. Money is the only thing he reacts to. He starts laying on the guilt of living at his mom's house and needing to get a place of his own but he won't be able to do that if he pays more than $600 for child support. I asked him if he had talked to HR yet about what changes he made to his with holdings because over the last 6 months or so, his take home amount has gone down. He gives me the run around of, I can't make any changes until I have a paper showing the divorce is finale, blah blah blah. 

I held my ground, I didn't get angry or raise my voice but I told him it was up to him to figure out how to get more into his take home amount. And that ended the conversation because I told him I wouldn't fight with him and I'm only going by what the court formula states. And that I could but wouldn't throw several different choices that he makes in his face. 

So in a nutshell, we get along for short periods of time and because of that I think that we will be able to discuss things rationally and it blows up in my face. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut and realize that we can only be superficial friends. :scratchhead:


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Daisy82 said:


> I don't know how to stop myself! I keep making the same mistake, thinking I'll get a different result. Once again I am proven wrong.
> 
> Today the stbxh helped me move some of my (+kids) stuff out of the basement of our house (that he is renting out) into my new place. He did this to be nice and because he just got a new (to him) truck which holds more than my car. That went fine. Then we went to lunch together. I know, weird! But we're like that. When we get along, we push it until it ends in a fight. So we're at lunch and he asks me if I had talked to my lawyer yet. I told him I had and good news for him, based on our prenup I can not get maintenance. Good news for him, not so much for me. So then he says, "so $600 is sounding better and better huh?" I respond with No, I'm still going to go on the formula set by the courts for child support. And also, again based on our prenup, get the money that I put down for the house. That's when it all goes to hell in a hand basket. Money is the only thing he reacts to. He starts laying on the guilt of living at his mom's house and needing to get a place of his own but he won't be able to do that if he pays more than $600 for child support. I asked him if he had talked to HR yet about what changes he made to his with holdings because over the last 6 months or so, his take home amount has gone down. He gives me the run around of, I can't make any changes until I have a paper showing the divorce is finale, blah blah blah.
> 
> ...


I feel ya!!!!!! I just got off the phone with STBXH which ended in a fight about money b/c he doesn't want to help pay for a lawyer to draw up an agreement for the house....he is protected. (all about him syndrome) So why should I give a f*ck about protecting my credit since he is keeping the house...ugh  yeah, he is totally trustworthy to keep making the mortgage payment on time. Just like he was trustworthy enough to keep it in his pants during the marriage


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

I had another phone call from stbxh last night, again making his statement as to why I should accept less for CS. Then he even says that he doesn't want to go through the court at all for CS just an agreement between him and I and he will pay me directly out of each of his paychecks. HA! Seriously! I'm just going to set myself up for the next 16 years to trust that you'll do the right thing and pay without a court order??? 

It's always about him...always has been. I'm looking out for 3 people (myself and our 2 children) and he's only concerned about himself. 

Should have kept his pants on if he didn't want to pay childsupport!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Why do they never want to get anything legally binding????? so frustrating!!!


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

Because if it's not court ordered than when they do pay it's just because they are a nice guy.

And when I tell him that I'm ok with letting the court decide childsupport he says "You know the courts alway F*** the guy"

Last night he was giving me the guilt trip about needing a place to live instead of with his mom (I agree). He said "But you don't care if I can take care of the kids when their with me only that they're taken care of when you have them". My response: "I do care about their living conditions when they're with you but yes my main concern is how they are taken care of with me, you know the 25 or 26 days of the month that they are with me."

Right now he only wants them everyother weekend, Sat and Sun and a third Sunday night a month. So that's 5 nights out of the month!


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## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

Okay, so tell him that he's right, cour always F*** the guy, so you might be willing to set it up through the court and then you could give him some of the money back. Let him ponder what it might be like to trust YOU for the next 16 years.... bwa ha ha! 

I'm actually only kidding, though. I would never even suggest that you might give any of it back to him. lol I'm consistently amazed at how they don't even consider that we don't especially find their "word" trustworthy anymore and that they continue to feel that they are honorable people that deserve that trust even after leaving. :scratchhead:


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Not only are they honorable but they are "nice guys"....I have had that line repeated to me more than once by STBXH...

"I'm a nice guy, I don't deserve this, we can work it out ourselves"


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

StillRemains said:


> Okay, so tell him that he's right, cour always F*** the guy, so you might be willing to set it up through the court and then you could give him some of the money back. Let him ponder what it might be like to trust YOU for the next 16 years.... bwa ha ha!


STBXH has actually suggested this...give him money back each month.  I've always had a problem with his "it's all about me" attitude, now it's just pissing me off!


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