# never felt like this before



## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

I'm middle aged and recently divorced. There is a new man in my life, an old friend who is becoming a lover, and I have never felt this way about someone, ever. I cannot keep my hands off of him if we are together. I just think about him and I get turned on. He looks nothing like the type of guy who would inspire these kinds of feelings--he's aged a lot, although he's only a year older than me. But that just doesn't matter; I adore him, his smile, his honesty, his trustworthiness, his amazing intellect and sense of humor. Everything about him appeals to me, and I had a huge crush on him a long time ago, and now those emotional feelings are combined with this amazing sexual response. 

I just wonder how many of you have felt this way about someone? I never felt this way, not even remotely, about my former husband, nor do I recall feeling this way about anyone before my marriage. I found guys attractive and could get turned on by them, but this time, the guy doesn't even have to be near me!! If you have felt this way, how long does it last, in your experience?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

The "lust" stage is supposed to be about two years, I'm told. But the love should be forever. Just never let it get stale or routine.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

perpetua said:


> I'm middle aged and recently divorced. There is a new man in my life, an old friend who is becoming a lover, and I have never felt this way about someone, ever. I cannot keep my hands off of him if we are together. I just think about him and I get turned on. He looks nothing like the type of guy who would inspire these kinds of feelings--he's aged a lot, although he's only a year older than me. But that just doesn't matter; I adore him, his smile, his honesty, his trustworthiness, his amazing intellect and sense of humor. Everything about him appeals to me, and I had a huge crush on him a long time ago, and now those emotional feelings are combined with this amazing sexual response.
> 
> I just wonder how many of you have felt this way about someone? I never felt this way, not even remotely, about my former husband, nor do I recall feeling this way about anyone before my marriage. I found guys attractive and could get turned on by them, but this time, the guy doesn't even have to be near me!! If you have felt this way, how long does it last, in your experience?



I had many relationships based on that lusty feeling when I was a younger woman and none of them ended well for me. I wish you the best, although lust tended to blind me to the person and how they actually were.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Your brain is experiencing all the hormones and chemical reactions you get with someone new. It is the euphoria stage of the relationship. It doesn't last. Depends on the person. Usually lasts 12-15 months. Just take it easy and slow. Don't make any rash decisions (moving in, engagement, etc..) Hopefully when it's over you'll find you have made a real connection and will last quite awhile. Enjoy yourself now. Can't wait to feel that way about someone again myself.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

He isn't new at all; I've known him almost my whole life and we were always good friends. I've felt lust and euphoria for someone new before, but nothing like this. Maybe that's what happens when you fall hard for someone you already know well--all the trust and friendship is already there. I've always wanted him to be happy--I've always had that love for him that we have for dear friends--now I want to make him happy, too  We are 1000+ miles apart, we had a weekend together (which I posted about on the men's forum), and we can only be together sporadically for now, but we are talking on the phone, chatting on line, emailing, etc. It's just an overwhelming experience and one I'm so glad to be having.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

perpetua said:


> He isn't new at all; I've known him almost my whole life and we were always good friends. I've felt lust and euphoria for someone new before, but nothing like this. Maybe that's what happens when you fall hard for someone you already know well--all the trust and friendship is already there. I've always wanted him to be happy--I've always had that love for him that we have for dear friends--now I want to make him happy, too  We are 1000+ miles apart, we had a weekend together (which I posted about on the men's forum), and we can only be together sporadically for now, but we are talking on the phone, chatting on line, emailing, etc. It's just an overwhelming experience and one I'm so glad to be having.


He may not be new to you but a intimate relationship with him is new.
Just remember, the harder you fall, the harder you can crash and burn.
If I were you... I'd pace the whole thing.

True happiness comes from within, not another person or things. If you are suddenly happy because there is a new love in your life, you should be aware of the fact, this could go very wrong. The best bet would be to pace things and not fall head over heels into it... to protect your emotional health.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

I am a very happy, independent person and was looking forward to being on my own (with my kids). My marriage was "over" for a few years b/4 my ex and I decided to move on--we weren't even living in the same town anymore, due to jobs. So, being "alone" is not scary to me; I love it and can't get enough of it at times (but I love my kids, too, so I gladly give up alone time for them).

It feels so different now--in my distant past, my attraction to men was based a lot on how I saw them reflecting me, and how I felt about myself (if I viewed a guy as attractive and he liked me, somehow that meant I was attractive). I also mistook lust for something more and made the same mistake preso mentions--the rose-colored glasses affecting my view of the "real" person I was with. 

This is just different--I already know the "real" person very well, and I admire and respect him. I know his faults as well as his strengths. I know something about how he has treated women before me, although of course I don't know what it is like to be his girlfriend. I don't have anything to "measure" this relationship against b/c I've never experienced anything like it. Has anyone else gone from long-time friends to lovers? Anyone who can speak to that?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I met up with a childhood sweetheart a few years ago, before I married. He lives in another state now...
and just to be sure I did some checking on him PRIOR to getting too involved....
and he was not a nice person. He also had lots of legal problems, an angry ex wife, a mentally ill and very bad daughter who was 19
and I saved myself years of grief.
You just never know someone very well after so many years its like starting over. You should be very careful.

As I see it I saved myself years of therapy, saved my future from devistation and so much stress and frustration. I may have even saved my life by not getting involved with him.
I suggest you go to a good pay site on the web and do a criminal background check...
and do it quickly before you decide he's the one for you and go to all the trouble of moving or having him move in with you.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

I'm not an idiot. Our families have been connected for over 40 years. Although we haven't seen each other much in the last decade, I know so much about him, b/c we share so many common friends and his mother and mine were friends. I don't think these things about him b/c I'm attracted to him; I've always been attracted to him b/c of his character and personality. It's only since finding out he's attracted to me, too, that I've let things develop. 

I was just hoping someone else might know what it's like to finally be with someone you've known and loved as a friend for a long time. We've all had the intense lust for someone new, etc. This isn't like that--I guess I can't describe it very well, but it is really different and I suspect it's because all the usual "new relationship" unknowns aren't there and there is such a solid foundation.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Perpetua, go for it! Enjoy life together. It sounds like you're ready for this.


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## Junebug (Dec 7, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Perpetua, go for it! Enjoy life together. It sounds like you're ready for this.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Just do it, you are smart and wise now and know what you want from a partner. Enjoy it! I have friends who I went to high school with, they 'dated' in high school for a long time, ended it, both got married and divorced to others, and met up again about 2 or 3years ago. I've never seen another couple so happy, it's wonderful!! It's so cute to see them together, just like in high school. It's just like any new relationship- you never know what's going to happen. But at least you don't have to worry about if his family will like you, if yours will like him, etc... it sounds like that's all taken care of. You never know until you try!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I'm glad for you. That is a very nice way to feel about someone.

Don't let any cynicism or bitterness you encounter from others be an impediment to your happiness.

Enjoy where this relationship is taking you. It sounds special.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I have read that friends who become lovers are the happiest people--they know each other well, and so the love is based on reality, not fiction. You may be on the brink of something amazing, and I wish you the best of luck and hope I'm as lucky some day.


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## mamachrista (Jun 3, 2009)

That's excellent that you are feeling that. I vaguely remember feeling that way with my husband when we first met...I think it is supposed to fade but hopefully what you'll have left is a deep friendship, respect and love for each other!

Go for it!


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