# Husband hired hookers to our house while our children were home and I was away



## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

My husband (36) and I (32) have been together for 14 years, married for 5, two young kids. He is the only man I've ever slept with.

We've had sexual problems over the last three years - I want it, he doesn't. He owns a very successful business and works long hours and is very stressed. When he hits the bed or couch he is out in 5 minutes. He's initiated sex <20 times since we've been married. I am rejected 95% of the time. If he accepts my advances, he is usually unable to perform. The only time we have decent sex is when we get away for a weekend.

It has become a more serious issue over the last 6 months and so we started seeing a marriage counselor a month ago. 

Last weekend, I went away with my friends for 4 days and left my children at home with my husband. Upon returning home, I discovered that he had been looking at escort websites. When I confronted him, he said he was just looking at them for the photos. Then I found out from our phone bills that he was calling them from 11:30-5am and he said he was doing it for self pleasure. But he had two friends hanging out with him so why would he be doing that all night long? I went to the video cameras in my house and found two hookers in my kitchen at 5am. They took his shirt off and tried to kiss him but he looked uncomfortable and it stopped. During the the 2.5 hours they were there, one friend slept and the other went upstairs with one girl two times. My husband spent alone time with both of them upstairs but swears that he did not do anything sexual with them. I believe that he did not because he has performance issues and he was under the influence of alcohol and drugs (a whole other issue in our marriage) But I do not know if the intent was there. Or if they tried to do something to him while laying in my bed naked/half naked with him. The worst part is that my 3 year old son came down to the kitchen upstairs at 7am and then went back up to look for his dad who was in our room with one of the girls. The last time I see a girl on the camera is when she comes down my front stairs 10 seconds before my husband and son come down the back stairs.

My husband claims it was not his idea, didn't do anything etc. etc. 
But my son woke up! They hadn't gone to bed yet. There were bottle all over the counter and who knows what else. Our other baby was sleeping across the way.

I can't look at him, he will not leave the house, thinks being super dad for the last day is going to make it better. I asked him to move out but he said he can't live without me and he can't leave our home.

I don't know if I want to fix this. I'm imagining it will take years to build the trust up (he claims he has also called escort services around 10x during our marriage for fun but they never meet up, so phone sex?) 

I don't know what to do. My husband does stupid things but I never imagined that he would every do anything this horrible.

Just wondering if anyone is listening, has advice, has been there.


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## LastDance (Jun 8, 2012)

I'm listening, but sitting here so stunned by his stupidity I'm not even sure what to say. 

I hate that you and your children are right smack in the middle of his stupidity and that he is too  .... I'm not sure what he is except, in my mind, to give you some space would be much kinder than insisting on staying there so you cannot even relax enough to think straight. 

Hang in there Gracie, much better minds will be checking in shortly with more advise and support than mine. 

Do you have friends nearby to lean on for support? Or family?

One thought that has crossed my mind is that he may have a problem with porn. It would explain the ED and lack of interest in sex with his wife. BTDT


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has he at least moved out of the master bedroom? 

I would throw out the beds the hookers and his friend used and replace them. No way can he expect you to sleep in that bed now.

I also don't think that it matters if he had sex with the hooker(s). He had them in your home, in your bed and around your child.

It sounds like you have not decided what you will do yet... reconcile or divorce. Take your time. It's up to you.

If you are considering reconciliation at all I suggest that you tell him that he has to go to MC with you. Find a MC who is also a sex therapist. The sex life that you have been putting up with all these years is completely unacceptable. 

You assume that he has performance issues with the hooker because he has them with you. I'm not sure you should assume that. There are men who treat sex with their wives the way he does with you. They prefer sex with women outside the marriage. It's a lot more common than you might realize.

You need to get a sex therapist involved so that they can help determine what his issues are and what, if anything can be done to end this nonsense.

Here is a link to a book that I think will help you with figuring out what's been going on with your husband and your sex life.

Amazon.com: He's Just Not Up for It Anymore eBook: Bob Berkowitz, Susan Yager-Berkowitz: Books

Evidence of cheating is a lot like roaches. If you find evidence of one cheating event, there are a lot more that you don't see.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I would immediately divorce any man who did this.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Make copies of those videos, get them to your lawyer and get an emergency order to remove him from the house. He has put your children at risk by his actions.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Save a copy of the evidence. 
Go see a lawyer to check your options. 
If you do want to attempt r. Insist on std tests and ask him to take a polygraph. See if his story changes. 
He sounds like a jerk. Bringing hookers into your home with your children there. Yuck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Call the police. Let them sort it out. Video evidence? Perfect! What good fortune.

He endangered your children's lives by having criminals in your home. Why haven't you called the police yet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Why on earth do you have video cameras inside your house monitoring your kitchen?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Philat said:


> Why on earth do you have video cameras inside your house monitoring your kitchen?


What a hugggggeeee stroke of luck. Most of the posters here rarely have that "smoking gun" when it comes to their partner's infidelity.

How fortunate that husband didn't know their were video cameras in the house too. I wonder what made OP decide to review the footage? Or did she view it all in real time via an iPad or such.

Again, unless you live in Nevada, go to the police. Get this threat to your children away from them ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Just curious... how do you know they are hookers?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

My first thought has to do with the quality & quantity of sex prior to this. A young healthy male displays that type of behavior for generally one of three reasons. Either he is gay, or has a testosterone (or other health related) issue, or he is having his sex elsewhere. Any of these should be a major concern.

With respect to him being alone with prostitutes and not engaging in sex is believable as from what I read, those women excel at getting money without the sex. But does it matter? The fact is that he was alone with them and the intent is clear and unmistakable. 

So what to do?

My best advice is to have a trial separation period for 60 to 90 days. During that time you need to decide what you want for you. Not the kids, but for you. Then act accordingly. During that time he has to several things. Among those are testing for STD, testing for low testosterone or other low libido possibilities, counseling with a PhD (not Mary the marriage counselor)...

Do not stay in this relationship for the kids. They can have time with their dad. This is for you and what is best for you only.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

I'm having trouble believing this post, someone is going to cheat with hookers knowing that there is cameras all over the house? If this is for real you should kick his a*s out of there for general stupidity. Yeah, I'm sure he was upstairs with the girl just talking.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Posted once yesterday with this huge problem and hasn't come back in 24 hours. 

Maybe there are fish under the bridge.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

Thank you to everyone who responded. 

- I told two friends who are helping me out. I have not told family yet because this situation is just so horrible.

- He does not have an issue with porn. He works from 5:30-7 every day, comes home to help me put kids to sleep and then we eat and he falls asleep. There is no time in his day for porn. He shares an office with his assistant and is on the road most of the day with his driver.

-The MC we were seeing is also a great sex therapist. It is why I chose to see him. He had his testosterone checked last fall because I thought that might be the reason his libido is nonexistent. His levels were normal. The MC/ST thinks it is pure exhaustion that is the reason for his disinterest in me.

-We have video surveillance in our home because of the nature of my husbands business and we have also people working inside the home. It has come in handy (before this situation!) because we caught our former nanny stealing from us the day after installation.
My best friend suggested I review the tapes. I wasn't in a rush to because I NEVER thought this would happen. I'm so happy she told me to do it right away. Another mysterious thing is that the outdoor cameras stopped filming between 2am and 9am. So you can't see them come up to our front door. I contacted the security company and they don't understand why. I took screenshots of all of the footage that shows them going up and down stairs, in and out of rooms. 


-he found them on backpage The numbers on the ad match up with the phone numbers on his cell phone and online usage statement. Maybe they're not hookers, maybe escorts who give naked massages?? I'm not sure. Still so wrong. My 3 year old probably spoke to one of them.

He has been sleeping in our guest room the last two nights and I told him not to come back today.

I need to tell my cousin because her boyfriend is the other guy involved. IDIOTS!!


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

doubletrouble said:


> Posted once yesterday with this huge problem and hasn't come back in 24 hours.
> 
> Maybe there are fish under the bridge.


no, I'm here. I'm just dealing with my kids and didn't have time to come back.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Again, unless you live in Nevada, go to the police.



the only legal prostitution is in rural counties in NV and only at designated "ranches" with licenses, there is no legal incall


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do you REALLY believe he didn't have sex with them??

You should make HIM get rid of everything the hookers touched. Your bed needs to go IMMEDIATELY. Tell him to haul it and all the bedding that was on it to the dump. Now. While he is doing that, you go out and find yourself your dream bed and buy it.

What bed did the other guy screw the hookers on?

Have you had sex with him since this? If so, get tested for STD's immediately.

You say you told him not to come back today - have you kicked him out then?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> Do you REALLY believe he didn't have sex with them??


It seems to me the burden is on him to prove he did not.

Though personally, his actions that she knows about would be a deal breaker.

By the way, make sure you save all the evidence you have. Don't let him erase the browser history until you can print it off.


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## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

I don't know how you can stand it. I would have asked him to leave.

Deal breaker.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> the only legal prostitution is in rural counties in NV and only at designated "ranches" with licenses, there is no legal incall


Perfect. Bring the videos to the police.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Care to elaborate on the "whole other issue" in the relationship, that of drug and alcohol abuse?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Why haven't you called the police yet? HE HAD HOOKERS AROUND YOUR CHILD. You are lucky as to have video evidence and phone/computer evidence. Police! Police!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Whether he had full on sex with them is not relevant in my mind. He brought hookers (or party girls if anyone's not conviced they're hookers) into the house where your children were sleeping. That is such a huge lapse in judgement I can't even fathom it. You also alluded to drug usage. In my mind the alarm bells are ringing off the hook. I definately would no longer leave the children in his care...at least not until he goes through some intensive therapy to figure out why he did what he did and understand why it is wrong.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Good thing you have cameras. Be sure to renew your security firm contract.

In addition to pleasuring your husband and his friend, the women scoped out your home. Looked for valuables, jewelry, electronics. They will then tell their boyfriends, pimps, fellow criminal element where these items are in your house.

You will soon be visited by these ne'er do wells. Hopefully they will not be carrying weapons when they come by. Hopefully your children will not be home when they arrive.

But keep sitting on your hands, debating your husband's sex drive.


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## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

PBear said:


> Care to elaborate on the "whole other issue" in the relationship, that of drug and alcohol abuse?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think this is real important. I don't think calling the police will get any result as what some are saying.

1. Still have to prove money was exchanged for the act. (you never mentioned this in your post unless I missed something where you caught this on video.)

2. Calling the police could have a reverse out come. If they do find your husband endangered the kids and you fully well knew that he has a drug and alcohol problem and you left for a girls vacation anyways and left the kids with him. 
The Police department could contact family services and have the children removed from the home.


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## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Good thing you have cameras. Be sure to renew your security firm contract.
> 
> In addition to pleasuring your husband and his friend, the women scoped out your home. Looked for valuables, jewelry, electronics. They will then tell their boyfriends, pimps, fellow criminal element where these items are in your house.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Time to speak to an attorney and start the 180.

Get tested for STD's


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Whether he had full on sex with them is not relevant in my mind. He brought hookers (or party girls if anyone's not conviced they're hookers) into the house where your children were sleeping. That is such a huge lapse in judgement I can't even fathom it. You also alluded to drug usage. In my mind the alarm bells are ringing off the hook. I definately would no longer leave the children in his care...at least not until he goes through some intensive therapy to figure out why he did what he did and understand why it is wrong.


Agreed. Having these sleezy people around my kids is way worse than sex in my opinion.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> But keep sitting on your hands, debating your husband's sex drive.



no shvt. 
hookers in the house with kids at home. 

wtf is there even to talk about? i wouldn't allow anyone who thinks that's ok around my kids. deal breaker city. 

why is he still in your house?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Your H is seriously deranged! Protect your children st all costs.

I am surprised he is not hospitalized or dead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Wow so the kids are in the house, he knows you have cameras and he still does this? You need to get to an attorney right away. You need to make sure you have copies of all this.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

He is extremely apologetic, he knows what he did is wrong. He is embarrassed and ashamed. I told him to tell his dad or else I would and his dad almost knocked him out when he got to the part about our son. 

My cousin spoke to her bf and in reviewing the tapes, we found her bf was telling the truth. He was almost sober and slept on my couch for a few hours and then woke up to sleep in my guest room before any girls arrived. My husband brought a girl up to her boyfriends room and she got into bed with him and started taking his clothes off and touching him and he stopped it. He was probably dead sober at that point and a little out of it from just waking up. So my husband is the real dirtbag here. 

He has had substance abuse problems in the past and it does run in his family. His dad has been sober for almost 40 years. He has a very low tolerance for alcohol and doesn't know when to stop. He probably only drinks 1-2x/week but in excess. He occasionally does coke. I have to say that this is somewhat acceptable in our social circles. I do not think it is right but that's what it is. 

The fact that our children were in the house is what infuriates me the most. This was not my sober husband but a husband so impaired by alcohol and drugs that he had no idea what he was doing. 

Obviously he will need to go to treatment and get sober no matter if we reconcile or not. 

I just don't know if this is what I want to deal with for however many years it will take. 

I have the footage saved. 

He told me he gave them $500.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

gracie15 said:


> Thank you to everyone who responded.
> 
> - I told two friends who are helping me out. I have not told family yet because this situation is just so horrible.
> 
> ...


Be careful with most doctors and testosterone levels. Normal is actually 700-900 total test. 20-25 free test. Estradiol 20-30. 

If he is below 550, he is way low and in heart issue territory. Test does much more for a man than sex. Also glucose should be 85 or less. Is he over weight. 

Never mind, though, you've got greater immediate issues...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

gracie15 said:


> The fact that our children were in the house is what infuriates me the most. This was not my sober husband but a husband so impaired by alcohol and drugs that he had no idea what he was doing.


This should go well beyond 'infuriating' you.

As a parent, this must be a dealbreaker. Your job is to protect your children.

You sound very prepared to rugsweep this. Too bad for those poor kids of yours.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Right now your husband is despicable, if you don't stop excusing his behavior, you are too.

Your children deserve better than this huge load of horse %$#[email protected]@%^&&*^%$$


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

Definitely not excusing his behavior nor am I trying to rugsweep this. I am still processing everything, trying to figure out timeline which doesn't really matter bc my kids were home!

I've just been talking to a lot of close friends and listening to different points of view. He is not off the hook and I'm not sure he will ever be. I don't want to live a life with someone who I can not trust. But right now I am trying to come to terms with the fact that all of our shared dreams (we've been together since I was 18) may no longer be a reality. 

The whole thing is so shocking and upsetting. I can't believe this is my life

I really appreciate all of your comments though because it has helped me view it from another perspective. many of the people I am talking to have longstanding relationships with both of us so it is difficult for them to comprehend.

Thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

Please don't call me despicable. I am going through the most difficult time of my life. My children are my highest priority.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So illegal hard drugs are fine, and you left your son with a guy who does them (for 4 days), but hookers are a no-no? Gotcha.

I've got nothing else useful to add to this thread. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I don't know why you're here. I don't know why there are apprx. 36 responses. There is only one answer and you really don't need anyone here to tell you what it is. 

He's dangerous to you and your children and a he's liar. Boot him or leave him, no other choice.

One question. Doesn't he know that there's cameras in the house? If so, then add stupid to the list.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

PBear said:


> So illegal hard drugs are fine, and you left your son with a guy who does them (for 4 days), but hookers are a no-no? Gotcha.
> 
> I've got nothing else useful to add to this thread.
> 
> ...


Not so fast, PBear!

Threads like this don't go anywhere if people aren't getting outraged on Gracie15's behalf!

You should strive to maintain the attitude that, "hey, I read it on the internet, it HAS to be true,"

rather than paying attention to things like

"husband is smart enough to shut off exterior cameras, but dumb enough to leave interior cameras on so that he can get caught with hookers."

Heck, this exact thing happened to FIVE neighbors of mine! In the last 4 months. And I live in an apartment building with only 2apartments!

I guess what I'm saying is that "spouses stupid enough to shut down external security cameras so they can sneak hookers in, but dumb enough to leave interior cameras on and get caught" is a much more widespread occurrence than people realize.

Gracie, the part about "my husband has a low tolerance for alcohol so he only gets drunk once or twice a week" was.......
was..... that was a BEAUTIFUL touch! Really stirred things back up.

Well done.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

NotLikeYou said:


> Not so fast, PBear!
> 
> Threads like this don't go anywhere if people aren't getting outraged on Gracie15's behalf!
> 
> ...


Do you think I'm lying? I'm not familiar with these boards. I've only visited a few times over the last month. When I found out this info, I came here for support. 

This, unfortunately, is my real life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

I called the security company and they were not sure why 3/5 outdoor cameras went out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

PBear said:


> So illegal hard drugs are fine, and you left your son with a guy who does them (for 4 days), but hookers are a no-no? Gotcha.
> 
> I've got nothing else useful to add to this thread.
> 
> ...


He did them for one night, not that it's any better. But he was doing them for 5 hours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

gracie15 said:


> He did them for one night, not that it's any better. But he was doing them for 5 hours.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But drugs are apparently perfectly acceptable in your house and "social circles", not just this one weekend, but in general. You're raising your kids to grow up like that. This is the example you're giving them to emulate.

If you want something better for your kids, SHOW them something better.

C


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bad behavior continues with out consequences.

At the very least your old man should be on the couch.

At the end of the day your old man must feel the consequences.

On a side note....how successful of a business man are you when you can't get a babysitter, get a suite at the Hilton, and bring some wh0res for you and your friends?

Who brings home wh0res, drugs, and buddies to their highly secured home with kids in the next room? I'm guessing your old man and his buddies knew these chicks. This wasn't some strange pulling tricks...these guys know these girls.

My only question is how much stuff was stolen from your home?


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

Your husband drinks to "excess" 1 or 2 times a week AND does coke (which is "acceptable" in your social circles). But you felt OK leaving a 3 year old and your other "baby" in his care for 4 days while you went away with your girlfriends? 

And you have security cameras, because of his work, and he forgot about those and brought hookers into the house anyway?

:scratchhead:

If any of this is true, I wonder if either of you should have custody of these children. If I knew where you lived, sorry to say I'd be calling child protective services to evaluate the both of you. He may be a scumbag for what he did with kids in the house, but I don't think either of you is using good judgment. It's not your fault that he did what he did, but you knew about the drinking and doing coke, and nothing good could come of THAT! He's not the only one behaving badly here. Leaving small children in his care while you went off to have fun for a few days was incredibly irresponsible.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

this is all possible. Aaron Hernandez had cameras inside his house, and they showed him holding the murder weapon gun during his trial! People sometimes get arrested at airport security checks with a handgun in their bag that they "forgot" was in there--hard to imagine you would forget a loaded handgun, but idiots do fairly often. 

I am not going to defend the husband, but it might be a side effect of his ED. Maybe he is depressed that he is having trouble getting it up, is searching for kinkier and kinkier porn to get it up, and one thing led to another. So get the ED fixed first, and maybe the interest in hookers/escorts and porn will fizzle out?

and tell him no more hanging out with his degenerate male friends! they are no bonus


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

I'm not sure why I keep coming back here but now I feel personally attacked and I would like to defend myself.

Let me give you an idea of where we live. Homes range from $1mm- $7mm. The kids go on to top 50 colleges. Country clubs and yacht clubs. With that comes high stress and long hours. Most of the women are stay at home moms. A lot of the women deal with bad behavior from their husbands. When I am home, I do not stand for it. When my husband drinks, he is golfing or at dinner for work. He does not drink at home during the week. 

It is somewhat acceptable in our social circles among the men. Not at home, but they do it at our country club. Men, who I know hide it from their wives in their lockers at our country club. My husband is not one of them. He told me about this because he thinks it is a horrible thing to do. He does not do it on a regular basis but maybe once every few months and never around our kids. It happens when he gets drunk and makes a bad decision.

Too bad we can't predict the future. I would have never left the kids if I knew this was going to happen. I would have left them at my parents' house. They live 5 minutes away and were on call in case of any work emergencies. Our nanny was at the house until he got home from work on Saturday morning, then he took the kids to the pool. He got drunk enough to make this horrible decision in less than 2 hours after arriving home from the pool. His tolerance is very low and obviously, he has a drinking problem. Yes, he got so drunk that he was stupid enough to do this when we have cameras in our home. He called in a sitter the next morning to watch the kids while he slept it off. 

Before I left, he promised me a weekend of fun with the kids, who usually only get to spend one full day a week with him because he works 80+ hours a week. This was supposed to be a weekend of bonding with the kids. One of the bad decisions he made was inviting his friend over (who is going through a difficult time because someone close to him recently committed suicide). He should have kept it to himself and the kids. I called to check in with him multiple times and he told me everything was going well. He lied to me.

Don't worry about anything being stolen. We keep our valuables locked up in a hidden safe in another area of our home and my husbands $40,000 watch collection is safe in our closet.

He is a liar with an alcohol and substance abuse problem. He needs help. He said he is going to stop surrounding him with the wrong people.

I can not look at him. He is sleeping in the guest room. I am not letting him get away with this without being punished. I have not decided what I am going to do in the future. I am still in a state of shock.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Without being punished? Guy has a substance abuse problem....that is way stronger than you being mad at him.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Without being punished? Guy has a substance abuse problem....that is way stronger than you being mad at him.


yes, he will be getting treatment. he would go away for intensive inpatient therapy but he has a business to run. Without him, it would fall apart. He is in the process of interviewing/hiring someone who after a few months should be able to run day to day operations while my husband gets help. In the meantime, he is seeing his doctor for therapy.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Get treatment, move to a new location, cut off all ties to toxic friends and no more country club. If not all this will keep on happening.


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## lucky me (Aug 6, 2012)

gracie15 said:


> Please don't call me despicable. I am going through the most difficult time of my life. My children are my highest priority.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 If they are ur highest priority.......WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

lucky me said:


> If they are ur highest priority.......WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


he won't leave, he keeps coming home. 

I am calling his dad today because I want him to stay there. I think someone needs to keep tabs on him. He told another friend he's going to end up like Philip Seymour Hoffman in a hotel room with a handful of pills.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

gracie15 said:


> Let me give you an idea of where we live. Homes range from $1mm- $7mm. The kids go on to top 50 colleges. Country clubs and yacht clubs.
> 
> ...
> 
> ...


A lot of people are successful and affluent yet they still decide what lifestyle they embrace and behaviors they will or won't tolerate. In my mind your economic status is wholly irrelevant.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

I strongly fear for your children....your husband's illness seems to be a priority to you over your children's safety and welfare. Too bad, they deserve better. Your reaction to this whole situation is so passive I can't read this thread anymore.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

daffodilly said:


> I strongly fear for your children....your husband's illness seems to be a priority to you over your children's safety and welfare. Too bad, they deserve better. Your reaction to this whole situation is so passive I can't read this thread anymore.


I'm sorry. Would you rather they have a dead dad? Do you think he is here boozing it up and doing lines in the guest room?

I have already contacted his dad to make arrangements for him to move there.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Addicts find a way.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Addicts find a way.


Really? :scratchhead: I mean I've already explained his patterns. He's not an all day alcohol/drug user. He doesn't use it to get through his day. He might drink too much coffee but that's it.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Are you around him all day? Those 80 hours a week working you think he is not using to maintain those hours. 
A guy without a problem doesn't have coke parties in his house, order hookers all the while his kids are asleep upstairs. There are users and enablers.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Are you around him all day? Those 80 hours a week working you think he is not using to maintain those hours.
> A guy without a problem doesn't have coke parties in his house, order hookers all the while his kids are asleep upstairs. There are users and enablers.


Never said he didn't have a problem but don't you think there are different types/levels? Some alcoholics drink all day, some binge on weekends. 

I work in his office sometimes and speak to him on the phone throughout the day regarding business matters. Definitely not using drugs at work. I would be able to tell right away. He loves what he does and what he has created. One of the reasons for our marital problems is that he is married to his job. 

There are many people who work 80 hour weeks without needing drugs to keep it up. You're from NYC, you should know. 

And that is 80 hours over 6 days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I also know a lot of stockbrokers who do.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Gracie

I think you're taking prudent action. You can't go off half ****ed.

People here are rightfully concerned about the children...as are you. I don't get the sense they're in any danger at this point. 

I can't imagine how stressful this situation is. It sounds like it comes right out of a movie.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

IF any of this is real, and your children truly were your "highest priority," you would have gotten them out of the house that has been contaminated with all kinds of grossness from the hookers that were all over your home. How can you let children touch anything they had gone anywhere near? Seriously, your kids could get crabs. Are you so attached to your lifestyle that you won't leave that house in a heartbeat for the sake of your children? You should be long gone with them, leaving him there with the divorce papers. I find this whole thing hard to believe, and your dithering makes it even more so. If your kids were really that important to you, you would be doing a much better job of protecting them. Get them out of there, away from him, away from that disgusting house. 

(And don't leave them again for 4 days when they're this young - unless you're having surgery, most mothers whose children are their "highest priority" don't do that - did you really need a vacation from your children?? Maybe rich people and movie stars do that, but that doesn't make it normal or a good idea, and it was especially irresponsible when you knew your husband regularly drinks to excess and does coke.)

If he's talking manipulative crap about overdosing on pills, maybe that's a sign that he's hitting bottom - good. Those people are more likely to get help. Let him worry about himself, and you worry about your kids and getting divorced from him.


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## lucky me (Aug 6, 2012)

I have already contacted his dad to make arrangements for him to move there.[/QUOTE] Now you are being the mother YOU SHOULD BE!!!!!!!!! :smthumbup: Good luck


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

hopefulgirl said:


> IF any of this is real, and your children truly were your "highest priority," you would have gotten them out of the house that has been contaminated with all kinds of grossness from the hookers that were all over your home. How can you let children touch anything they had gone anywhere near? Seriously, your kids could get crabs. Are you so attached to your lifestyle that you won't leave that house in a heartbeat for the sake of your children? You should be long gone with them, leaving him there with the divorce papers. I find this whole thing hard to believe, and your dithering makes it even more so. If your kids were really that important to you, you would be doing a much better job of protecting them. Get them out of there, away from him, away from that disgusting house.
> 
> (And don't leave them again for 4 days when they're this young - unless you're having surgery, most mothers whose children are their "highest priority" don't do that - did you really need a vacation from your children?? Maybe rich people and movie stars do that, but that doesn't make it normal or a good idea, and it was especially irresponsible when you knew your husband regularly drinks to excess and does coke.)
> 
> If he's talking manipulative crap about overdosing on pills, maybe that's a sign that he's hitting bottom - good. Those people are more likely to get help. Let him worry about himself, and you worry about your kids and getting divorced from him.


My housekeeper has been here three times since this happened so I think the place has been thoroughly cleaned. The beds were changed before I got home and found out what happened. But I'll be sure to look into exterminators who can come in to get rid of hooker crabs.

Where should I have gone with my kids? And my pets?

I am with my children every single day. It is a demanding job. All moms, working and stay at home, need breaks from their children. If you don't need a break from your kids, more power to you. I like to be able to read a book or deal without diapers for a few days - guess I won't win mother of the year. I did not leave either of my children for a weekend (business related) until they were 14 months. I took my first trip with friends when they were 3 and 1. Would you tell a working mom not to take a business trip because her children are too young? I have an identity besides "Mommy". I have friends and family who have weddings and wedding related activities away from home. 

He normally does not drink excessively around my kids! He does not do coke on a regular basis. My nanny slept here for three nights while I was away (because he goes into work so early). The one night she didn't stay over this happened. He is an idiot.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

The manipulative talk was not said directly to me. He said it to a friend who mentioned it to me.



lucky me said:


> I have already contacted his dad to make arrangements for him to move there.


 Now you are being the mother YOU SHOULD BE!!!!!!!!! :smthumbup: Good luck[/QUOTE]
Thank you!



MaritimeGuy said:


> Gracie
> 
> I think you're taking prudent action. You can't go off half ****ed.
> 
> ...


Thanks, you are right, they are not in danger. I am here with them, my cousin is here with us, my husband is at work.

It does sound like it's out of a movie. It is incredibly stressful. I feel like I have a 20 lb weight on my chest.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

There is no shame it getting some help yourself. You may benefit from seeing a counsellor to help you to put things in perspective. Sometimes when we're in the middle of something we can accept too much blame. The reality is we can't control other people's actions only our own. I know when I saw a counsellor while going through my divorce the counsellor helped me sort out what I could work on and what I just had to accept. It took a huge weight off my shoulders.


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## gracie15 (Jul 24, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> There is no shame it getting some help yourself. You may benefit from seeing a counsellor to help you to put things in perspective. Sometimes when we're in the middle of something we can accept too much blame. The reality is we can't control other people's actions only our own. I know when I saw a counsellor while going through my divorce the counsellor helped me sort out what I could work on and what I just had to accept. It took a huge weight off my shoulders.


I have been seeing a therapist for the past year.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you do need to consider that this isn't just a one time event in regards to using hookers
the level of comfort to bring one into the home is a rather large jump even with poor judgement from being drunk
Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he has used hookers in other situations like business trips or at one of his so called party friend's place

we see it time and time again, cheaters will often admit to what you can prove and hide or lie about the rest


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## sarena (Aug 13, 2013)

For me, this situation if real would be a deal breaker. The number one priority should be childs safety, and that is at risk if husband takes drugs, makes extremely poor choices. 

Husband also disrespects you on the most basic level. The pain of getting out of the comfort zone of being married may be less than the pain of pretending this is OK, and will go away, can be cleaned up.

I can see why you making this work is important too-you have a family to think about,and love him? but it does not seem that he thinks of his family leaving them with random drugged up people. 

You could have returned to a much worse scenario than that described-if story is true.


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