# Back - Took A Few Months Off From Here...



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

... cause it was a little too much. Some stories, are a bit too depressing, others... hit too close to home. I found myself sympathizing for both me and women on these boards.

I felt sorry, for the dudes like myself, who loved their wives with all their hearts, but just couldn't get them to make love to them as ofter as they wanted to.

I felt sorry for the women in the same boat, but also for the women who were constantly getting taken advantage by loser type dudes. Sometimes, in both cases the victim can take part of the blame, especially when the cycle's been repeating so many times, but its just not easy so easy to run away as we think.

Me personally? Me and my wife still love each other, but our s#x lift to me... still suffers. We still only go about once every 10 days or so. I've tried everything... to the point now, i really don't try at all. I don't love her any less, just not in the mood to be the constant initiator, even if it rewards me with more sex. I'm depressed at times, cause i try to convince myself that life is too shirt, and i need to get it, however way i can get it, especially when reading on here that guys can't get it no matter how hard they try. But, sometimes its just difficult. Contemplating right now, if i should chase after it tonight, or just hang downstairs so long, till she goes to sleep and not be bothered at all.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

who are you?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> who are you?


I guess nobody.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

just teasin ya, welcome back


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> just teasin ya, welcome back


I know you are. Cause i do remember you, thing about it, alot of the others i used to chat with...seem to be gone. Or just don't post anymore around this time slot. Some people come for a purpose, and when that is answered they are gone. Some like just giving answers... i came here for both. Giving and taking. It was fun, trying to slowly bring myself back into it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Welcome back, Rob! Good to see your Rambo-looking avatar again! Lol.

Hmm... why not come home tonight with some flowers for your wife and give her a sweet kiss. 

Romance is directly related to a woman's libido.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Welcome back, Rob! Good to see your Rambo-looking avatar again! Lol.
> 
> Hmm... why not come home tonight with some flowers for your wife and give her a sweet kiss.
> 
> Romance is directly related to a woman's libido.


Not that thsi is a bad idea, but how long does he need to do this? Romance is great and necessary, but a good sex life in marriage can't be based solely on that. Real-life steps in far to often.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What do you mean "How long?" I just said to come home today with flowers.

The fact is: WOMNEN LIKE ROMANCE. It turns them on. Sweetness = hot hot libido. 

Even if it's just a handwritten note saying why you love her/why you married her... A phone call to tell her she looked so pretty this morning, winking at her from across a crowded room... Complimenting her in front of her girlfriends or relatives (this gets a lot of points). The little things go a long way.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> ... cause it was a little too much. Some stories, are a bit too depressing, others... hit too close to home. I found myself sympathizing for both me and women on these boards.
> 
> I felt sorry, for the dudes like myself, who loved their wives with all their hearts, but just couldn't get them to make love to them as ofter as they wanted to.
> 
> ...


I was well and truly blessed in that I could have sex/make love with my wife just about anytime, anywhere and anyway I wanted. And that all through the 42 years we were together.

An absolute key ingredient in that was that my wife believed in the proper care and feeding of me. It really does take two to tango.


If you haven't tried any of what Athol preaches then in your shoes I most certainly would knowing what I know of the guy.

If you haven't read his book then that really is beyond my comprehension what with the amount of time you've spent on the forum and the problem you have in your marriage.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Rob,

I share your pain. I'm in pretty much the same boat as you and it's been about three weeks for us and I'm currently in the "meh, don't care" phase of being right now.

Heck, I wouldn't even mind intiating all the time. It's the getting rejected that I've had enough of!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What do you mean "How long?" I just said to come home today with flowers.
> 
> The fact is: WOMNEN LIKE ROMANCE. It turns them on. Sweetness = hot hot libido.


I mean exactly what I am saying. I understand that romance is appreciated and needed. But life does not always allow us to provide that romance. Kids, work, sickness, traffic, bills, cleaning, pets, I could go on. If sex is only provided when there is romance, for a lot of people that means little sex.



> Even if it's just a handwritten note saying why you love her/why you married her... A phone call to tell her she looked so pretty this morning, winking at her from across a crowded room... Complimenting her in front of her girlfriends or relatives (this gets a lot of points). The little things go a long way.


I don't consider many of those items as falling under romance, but rather just keeping a connection with your spouse.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> Contemplating right now, if i should chase after it tonight, or just hang downstairs so long, till she goes to sleep and not be bothered at all.


I would be one to always recommend chasing


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

We have not met, but glad to say hey whats up!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I mean exactly what I am saying. I understand that romance is appreciated and needed. But life does not always allow us to provide that romance. Kids, work, sickness, traffic, bills, cleaning, pets, I could go on. If sex is only provided when there is romance, for a lot of people that means little sex.


Wow.. :scratchhead:

How's that working for you? Does this attitude get you much sex? 

Jellybean posted what a lot of women feel is important and romantic and you've just poo-poohed it...because it doesn't make sense to your man-brain. 
Romance doesn't have to be 'hard work'.....it can be part of everyday life, like you say... small things like that phone call or a flower. But for a woman these things often really matter, like regular sex matters to most men... ya know!

In our marriage we call this 'prioritizing'.
How important is your marriage/sex to you?
Is it more important than your pets,cleaning, bills, traffic.. etc...

Kids I will usually put first but not always.. depends on the situation. 
Sometimes my mans needs outweigh everything else... and I feel he does the same for me. 

If I felt my husband put my needs below that of the dog/cat, bills, cleaning... I doubt I'd find him desirable at all.... might even lead to a sexless marriage over time.

We have 3 kids, various animals, 2x businesses, a producing rural property, hobbies etc... but if all this got in the way of my marriage...something would have to change/go. To keep my marriage alive and healthy.

OP - sorry for the TJ. Do you and your wife 'date'? Do you share any hobbies. What do you do to have fun together... just the two of you?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I mean exactly what I am saying. I understand that romance is appreciated and needed. But life does not always allow us to provide that romance. Kids, work, sickness, traffic, bills, cleaning, pets, I could go on. If sex is only provided when there is romance, for a lot of people that means little sex.


Um, it takes five seconds to do any of the things I listed. There is always time if you prioritize it. And about sex --I did not say that "sex is only provided when thre is romance." You did. 



Tall Average Guy said:


> I don't consider many of those items as falling under romance, but rather just keeping a connection with your spouse.


Suit yourself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

waiwera said:


> Wow.. :scratchhead:
> 
> How's that working for you? Does this attitude get you much sex?
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

waiwera said:


> Wow.. :scratchhead:
> 
> How's that working for you? Does this attitude get you much sex?
> 
> ...


Quite well, thank you very much. I am very happy with our sex life.

I certainlly did not poo-poo it. I expect it is communication problem over romance. The original post I responded to was about flowers and romance. That generally conjures up images of roses, candlelights, fancy dinner and dancing, and lying in front of the fire. Those are things that don't happen as much as we would like becuase there are lots of other things that pop up.

The explanation afterward was about maintaining a connection with my wife. These are all things I do and others should as well, but I never consider them romantic. To me, they are showing my wife the appreciation that I have for her. Perhaps it is semantics, this is a wholy different category from flowers and romance.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Um, it takes five seconds to do any of the things I listed. There is always time if you prioritize it. And about sex --I did not say that "sex is only provided when thre is romance." You did.


No, what you said was to bring flowers and romance to jump start the sex life.

You other suggestions were great, and had you included them originally, I would have had no issue. They are every day things that can help keep a connection that will include sex.

But as I noted, most guys hear flowers and romance and they think the big things - things that can't be kept up. So if you need that to jump start sex, what happens when you can't keep doing those things. Your suggestions for smaller things is a good start, and one I would recommend to the OP.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Glad to see you back, Rob. 

I feel your pain about the intimacy thing, too. What we might give to spend a day in our spouse's mind, huh? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Wow!!!

Great to see alot of the regs are still here, and my thanks to the newbies for the welcome back. Alot of you, as usual gave some great advice. I have to admit, i don't do the "extra" stuff as much as i used to back in the day. The spontaneous love letters i'd physically mail to the house addressed to her. The poems. I guess i started to withdraw more of myself, once it seemed she was withdrawing more of herself. I'm a nice guy, nicest guy anyone would ever want to meet ( despite my tough guy avatar) but i think my niceness, has shunned me into the beta male category.

And before anyone steers me to the alpha male threads... trust me, i've done read em...all. You just can't make that transformation overnight. I will do more on my part to step up the attention, step up the romance, step up the compliments. She's been training for a marathon, really hasn't loss much weight, but she's gotten more athletic despite this. So i can definately do more. Me in my shoes, its tough to keep this up though, especially when we don't see the results we desire. Its much easier to say... "Why bother at all  "


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Rob don't try to be someone your not... i don't personally believe a beta man can BECOME alpha. He can act like he's aplha but any sensible woman can tell when a man is full of sh!t and just acting.

Give me a 'real' beta man any day!

My h is beta... he's romantic and loving and faithful.... nothing to feel 'shunned' about.

Do try to do little things for your wife...they really do go along way.

One of THE most romantic things my H will do is leave me a single flower on the pillow next to me or on the bedside table...picked from our own garden. 

It took him seconds, cost nothing and gets him loads of kisses and loves from me.


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