# cheated and threesomes



## jack_1970 (Jan 22, 2014)

IL try to make this really short, 2 years ago was cheated on by my wife , decided to stay in the relation cause of the love I have for her , shortly after we experimented in threesomes and swinging with another couple , she didn't like the fact me being with another woman but I was really turned on by her with another man , now our sex life is getting boring at some time and I would want to have allot of sex with her , when I have some solo time I often fantasize of her with another man,, the cheating part devastated me and still hurts, kind of an oxymoron no ? can anyone tell me im normal or am I sick in the head lol


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your sick in the head.

Who the phuck has threesomes with their old lady.....save the sh1t for some strange, before you get hitched.


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## husband1987 (Dec 13, 2011)

I have to vote for being sick. I'd rather take a bullet than see my wife with another dude. I also wouldn't have handled the cheating part with such docility.


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## Terracota (Dec 10, 2014)

Well it seems like such fantasies exist rather often in men (I judge by the number of dedicated porn movies with Dirty Harry and company)), but my mind still cannot embrace it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The thought of her with another man turns you on but her cheating on you bothers you? Did she commit adultery with a kangaroo?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cheating means lies and deception and exclusion. Swinging is mutual consent and participation and inclusion.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think there is a primal competitive response in men when they see or imagine their woman with another man. The man wants his sperm to impregnate her, not some other guy's sperm. Which causes the man to feel an arousal.

In the context of modern marriage I don't understand how there is not some level of discomfort in a husband when his wife has sex with another man, even in a consensual swinging arrangement. For me, the negatives would vastly outweigh any primal competitive response.

There is some research showing that women lose respect for a husband who allows her to have sex with other men. It is a primal need of a woman to be protected by her mate. So if a mate fails to protect her, he is no longer respectable. I think a lot of open relationships fail when the woman falls in love with another man, frequently because she first fell out of love with her husband.

Swapping is very high risk to the relationship.


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## jack_1970 (Jan 22, 2014)

To answer you question (locke stratos) yes there were thoughts of having threesoms before it hapend. We even joined a swinging site. As for everyone else the comment are acceptable i probably deserve it im trying to figuer out the reasoning im having. The thing that hurt the most was the lies and deception. Im a verry open and honest person and expect the same back from my parter. I always though it would be beter to have a little fun then get hurt . If she would have aproched me with ( oh i like this guy and what u think ) maybe i would have said ok or not but being hurt like that realy did a tol on me . I feel screwed up


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I'm generally a generous person but letting people borrow my tools, books, albums etc has taught me that many times things get returned in worse shape then when you lent them or they don't come back at all. Jack there have been plenty of threads by people who have the same interest. That said, pursuing it doesn't seem to lead to a happy place. Maybe if you look into the psychology behind it the understanding will help you to close the box and put it away.


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

jack_1970 said:


> IL try to make this really short, 2 years ago was cheated on by my wife , decided to stay in the relation cause of the love I have for her , shortly after we experimented in threesomes and swinging with another couple , she didn't like the fact me being with another woman but I was really turned on by her with another man , now our sex life is getting boring at some time and I would want to have allot of sex with her , when I have some solo time I often fantasize of her with another man,, the cheating part devastated me and still hurts, kind of an oxymoron no ? can anyone tell me im normal or am I sick in the head lol


investigate cuckold and/or hotwife lifestyle. it basically is where the wife is the one who is the center of the 3some or where you watch her with another man. create a rule where she cannot do any of it without you. it is more common than you may think. that may be exactly what your relationship needs.


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## jack_1970 (Jan 22, 2014)

Thank you everyone this has help me see things in a different view . And shoto 1984 i realy like your comparison sounded funny but so true . Oh can i borrow a hammer lol


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It appears quite "sick" to me but I prefer and use the term "alien".

There are some successful swingers but they are so far removed from my thought process, values and even my definition of marriage that they are simply alien to me.

I would turn into a one man death squad if my wife was even approached by men for an intimate purpose.

OP. Even a swinger would tell you that your relationship is doomed. You have cheating and the whole bag of lying and betrayal that comes with it.

You two are not built for swinging. You are too unhealthy to probably be in any relationship with each other right now, much less the demands that an "alien" lifestyle would impose.


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

First off I don't think your sick in the head, I'm not sure what the attraction/draw is for you, we are is a very similar situation.

I cheated on my husband 3.5 years ago, we had talked about having a threesome prior to my cheating. In my situation we no longer had a sex life and I was very lonely, I made a choice to cheat instead of making my husband realize how dire the situation was. 

When he brought up the idea, I was at a low point and I took it has he no longer wanted me and decided to cheat. He took the cheating harder than I could have imagined and it has been a hard 3 years.

We are in a much better place and talk about everything and anything, he brought up having a threesome again about 8 months ago and we have had a lot of talks about it. 

My husband isn't Cuckold and has no desire to be humiliated by some man that takes his wife while talking down to him, nor does he want a man for himself. My husband has always enjoyed my face while receiving pleasure, so he wants to see me with another man and with him at the same time, no one offs no swinging and going to separate rooms. We either do it together or we don't do it.

I have had a lot of reservations about this, I worried I would be causing him pain or that he would become jealous, however that has not been our experience. We have been very forthright with each other and if one of us isn't comfortable with whom we pick or the night we arranged then we cancel. I too have wondered why he wants this and I don't know if I could view him with another, I do know that if your going to do something like this you both have to want it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

learning to love myself said:


> First off I don't think your sick in the head, I'm not sure what the attraction/draw is for you, we are is a very similar situation.
> 
> I cheated on my husband 3.5 years ago, we had talked about having a threesome prior to my cheating. In my situation we no longer had a sex life and I was very lonely, I made a choice to cheat instead of making my husband realize how dire the situation was.
> 
> ...


You are also not in a healthy relationship and your husband is extremely unhealthy.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> You are also not in a healthy relationship and your husband is extremely unhealthy.


Anything agreed between two spouses with no duress on either part and with total honesty, is IMNSHO healthy.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Mr.Fisty said:


> I have met some people in open relationships keep secrets from their partner because of the rush, or sometimes they become infatuated with one of their partners and can't give them up yet. During orgasm and sex we release bonding hormones and we somewhat fall in love with our partner. Women release more of this during sex.


This is EXACTLY why an open relationship/threesome should NEVER happen ever. Dangerous stuff and you will get burned.


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## jack_1970 (Jan 22, 2014)

Contact me (learning to love) we could probably help eachother i have some answers for you and maybe you could answer some of mine. Still trying to understand and need some guidance.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ConanHub you said it best

"I would turn into a one man death squad if my wife was even approached by men for an intimate purpose."

We think a lot alike I believe. I got a sharp K-Bar I would put to use. Time for circumcision...my way!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Ok I always start reading someone saying, "My wife cheated on me", and just as I'm about to say "Get rid of her!!"

.....I then read..."since then we engage in 3somes".

Then I'm like. "Oh cheese and f'in rice!! Never mind"

I also vote for sick in the head


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

chaos said:


> Anything agreed between two spouses with no duress on either part and with total honesty, is IMNSHO healthy.


Try reading ALL of her other threads and then catch back up to me. You are about a year late and ten miles behind with your comment. I know her situation having kept up with her posts.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

jack_1970 said:


> Contact me (learning to love) we could probably help eachother i have some answers for you and maybe you could answer some of mine. Still trying to understand and need some guidance.


OH MY GOD!

No warning signs or red flags here. For Christ's sake! Are some people just f'ing bent on destruction?

Figuratively speaking, you are a 90 lb. weakling in a gym. You just ignored advise on how to get bigger and stronger from a man who weighs 200 lbs. with less than 10% body fat and can bench 400 and went over to a dark corner to a woman who is morbidly obese with type 2 diabetes, who is devouring a box of twinkies and asked for her help and offered your own!!!!

Makes sense if you are insane. By all means, talk to an unhealthy person in an unhealthy relationship on how to fix your broken marriage and offer your wisdom as well.

This reminds me of one of my favorite movie quotes ever...

"Did I.Q.s drop sharply while I was asleep???!!!???"


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Anyone know the translation for "Cucoo en la cabeza"?

Seriously, so many ways of effed up in this thread. including the faulty logic of "if two people agree to it, then it must be healthy."


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

michzz said:


> Anyone know the translation for "Cucoo en la cabeza"?
> 
> Seriously, so many ways of effed up in this thread. including the faulty logic of "if two people agree to it, then it must be healthy."


Yeah, this thread, this issue. In general, though, there are a lot of unhealthy marriages where two people agreed to it. Sometimes the outlier scenarios ARE healthier!


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Your normal by todays standards. The most searched porn on the internet is for threesome with two guys and one girl. Fastest growing internet porn fetish is Cuckold or Hotwife. I don't recommend you doing either. Both lifestyles come up short for human sexuality. 

Don't blame your wife for promiscuous sexuality. Evolution made her that way. She is trying to cope with the guilt society puts on her for being a sexual pleasure loving animal. You and your wife evolved to be one the few sex for pleasure seeking animals on the planet. Primates and Dolphins are they only know animals that have sex for pure pleasure. Only one one species of primates is believed to be monogamous and its not you. Humans are king when it comes to sex in the animal kingdom. Comparing humans to animals is common hearsay when it comes to sex. Other animals don't compare, we are King. 

Enjoy your sexuality without guilt or fear and don't mistake hearsay for sound sexual advice.


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> OH MY GOD!
> 
> No warning signs or red flags here. For Christ's sake! Are some people just f'ing bent on destruction?
> 
> ...


I have been on vacation and just logged on.

ConanHub, I will try not to take offense to the fact you just called me a morbidly obese woman with type II diabetes, I'm curvy, not fat, hate Twinkies and my sugar levels are great....lol

Yes my life isn't perfect by any means but I'm in a world of self discovery and communicating better than ever. I'm seeing a psychiatrist now and have been told I have a good grasp on life and people, its learning how to not internalize everything as my fault, I need to stop being codependent. 

Now of course having threesomes isn't recommended and I have work to do. I can work on me and my husband needs to work on himself as I cant fix him.


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## Zoltar (Sep 14, 2012)

Nope. You are not sick.

The fantasy of watching one's partner with someone else (particularly among men) is incredibly common. Few men have the figurative balls to own up to it. Even fewer actually do anything about it.

Even though the thought of one's partner having sex with another person creates deep feelings of pain, jealousy and anxiety, they also make men extremely horny. Why? Because our ape brain knows the best way to keep our female partners from having someone else's baby is by physically removing as much sperm from the other male in your partner's vagina and replacing it with your own sperm as soon as possible (there is a reason the penis is shaped the way it is, and there is a reason why men "pump" before ejaculating... in effect to remove competitor's sperm before introducing their own).

So, watching your partner having sex is both painful (jealousy, betray, possibility of raising someone else's baby, your genes not passing down) yet instinctively arousing in the heat of the moment.

Most people obviously avoid the pain associated with the whole thing, while others -those who can get past the pain- actually focus on the horny byproduct of the deal.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Mmmmm, Twinkies.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I sure thought I could differentiate horny from violent urges. The thought of my wife with another man is only causing the latter and none of the former.

P.S. Twinkies are gross.


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## Zoltar (Sep 14, 2012)

Many of those in here might find the thought of sharing their spouses repulsive... but the reality is that over 3 million Americans visit swingers clubs every year (yep, there are hundreds of those places all over the country). Not everyone's cup of tea, but a fairly common choice among consenting adults (BTW, most visitors to swinger's club happen to be middle aged, mid- to high- income white couples married 10+ years).


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

You are not sick in the head, but you did allow your dreams/fantasy to become reality vs. ignore and keep it where it belongs.....which is IN YOUR HEAD.

Now you are dealing with the consequences of your actions/reality.

Only advice I have for you is tell your wife you made some HUGE mistakes. Apologize for your acts and thank her for putting up with your shiit and even going along with it.

Tell her that you want to go back to what you guys once had and you have learned a valuable lesson from all of this.

Hope she appreciates you stating this, your apology and accepts the new future.

I'm pretty sure everyone in this world has the thoughts you have. I know I do from time to time. I do my best to recognize these thoughts and squash them in my head before they develop and my brain tricks me some more.

Your mental/brain management is CRUCIAL to successful marriage. It's not easy to recognize yourself and deal with it, but it's important to do so.

I hope your wife accept your apology and you guys can move forward.

But be prepared for the worst. The damage has been done and it will be hard to recover.

It's also going to take a LOT of hard work from you and discipline. Make sure you deliver in actions and not just words.

Best advice I can give you at this point.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

jack_1970 said:


> IL try to make this really short, 2 years ago was cheated on by my wife , decided to stay in the relation cause of the love I have for her , shortly after we experimented in threesomes and swinging with another couple , she didn't like the fact me being with another woman but I was really turned on by her with another man , now our sex life is getting boring at some time and I would want to have allot of sex with her , when I have some solo time I often fantasize of her with another man,, the cheating part devastated me and still hurts, kind of an oxymoron no ? can anyone tell me im normal or am I sick in the head lol


Interesting thread. My 2 cents. No you are not sick in the head. However, you may be contemplating playing with fire.

If this is something you really want to explore, try doing it just between the two of you first so that you better understand what your feelings are and you can find out what your W's feelings are. Inviting a third person into your bed can really complicate a relationship, but is a fairly common fantasy both men and women. Before you do something, understand your motivation and what you want to gain from the experience. 

For example set up a date night where you blind fold her, take her clothes off, possible tie her up (or not) and then leave the room for a few minutes. Possibly (or not) have her start masturbating so that she becomes both arrosed and distracted.
Then re-enter the room and have sex with her using positions you don't usually use and pretend in your own mind that you are someone else. During the process tell her to say high to her husband who is watching. Maybe even ask her husband (you) to bring you something like lube or condoms, so that she and you can get into the role playing. 

Again, you have a fairly common fantasy so you are not crazy. However, turning your fantasy into a reality is playing with fire as you understand what the feelings of being cheated on are and know that what you would be initiating could get out of control. You just might be seeking the thrill of it, which you could find a lot of other ways.

Good luck.


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