# You did what? Seriously?



## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

So I ended up seeing XH for the first time since last September last evening. Had a nice adult conversation with him and his partner, but one statement had me chocking on my beer

They got a caravan (which we used to do) and for their first holiday together, they went to the New Forest in Hampshire. Nothing wrong with that, there's hundreds of caravan parks and sites in the area.

But they chose...... the very site myself and XH had our honeymoon at.:scratchhead::scratchhead:

Chocking on my beer I made no comment- but this is in my eyes seriously weird.

I've going abroad for the first time since my divorce later this year and I've avoided places I went with him as I want my new life to be, well new!!!

Is this as weird as it appears? Anyone else had anything like this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

People are weird.

Does his partner know that you honeymooned there?


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> People are weird.
> 
> Does his partner know that you honeymooned there?


No. 

Hence my semi chocking and not saying anything.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Yes, that is very strange!


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

I can understand that going to a restaurant for a meal is normal and acceptable- and going to a pub for a drink is also fine.

But taking your partner to a honeymoon location- imagine the conversation...

"Oh I came here with Phil on my honeymoon but I loved him and wasn't in love with him, so it doesn't count"

Weird......


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

That is seriously messed up.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Some people are just not all that aware. 

The first "family vacation" my ex-husband took his new girlfriend and our son on was to the exact same place we had our last family vacation before I divorced him. I think even our then 13-year old found it odd. He apparently mentioned more than once things like, "We did that when we were here last Summer, Dad. Remember?" I'm guessing that was awkward, but it also falls into the category of if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. And taking your son and new girlfriend on vacation to the same place you took your son and wife 10 months before is just dumb.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I don't know....personally I probably wouldn't do it, but I'm sentimental and nostalgic about things. 

Looking at it from the other side ...planning a vacation can be a hassle, and who hasn't ended up in some crappy place at one time or another? So if you have been someplace already and enjoyed yourself, you already know the accommodations are up to par, I could easily see the appeal to just back to the same place where you know what you're getting.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I found out recently that my STBXH, who has been involved in an affair since last September that I found out about in February, took pictures of a spot on the beach near where we live, where we used to go for walks and/or take our son together quite regularly, that was set up for a wedding and sent them to the OW - in January.

I mean, I don't own this stretch of the beach, but seriously?

He's currently packing up his stuff to move out, and there is a little stuffed lion holding a heart that he gave me a few years ago for Valentine's Day, that he's left sitting in the center of the bedroom dresser all this time. I said today, "We might as well just throw this little guy away." He goes, "Oh, I was going to keep that because I think [POSOW] might like it."

Um. I doubt that, if she knew its history. And by the way, who ARE you, again?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Nomorebeans said:


> He's currently packing up his stuff to move out, and there is a little stuffed lion holding a heart that he gave me a few years ago for Valentine's Day, that he's left sitting in the center of the bedroom dresser all this time. I said today, "We might as well just throw this little guy away." He goes, "Oh, I was going to keep that because I think [POSOW] might like it."


Ugh, that made me throw up in my mouth a little! 

My XH had the center stone in my engagement ring reset and gave it to his now (remarried her) wife. Recycled trash for recycled trash.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> My XH had the center stone in my engagement ring reset and gave it to his now (remarried her) wife.


Wow. 

:slap:


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Oooooo...in psych terms we call this a "white out".

Sometimes it's a passive agressive attempt to deliberately replace the older partner and send a clear message that they are being replaced.
Other times there just isnt any real connection left.

I recently took my GF to a resturant where the ex and I had our first date. 

Was I whiting her out?
Nope.

Just wanted to reclaim my favorite food place and share some good eats with my GF.

I think it's all situational, but the fact that it was your Honeymoon spot seems to be a white out to me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think it's extremely weird. I wonder if his new piece knows that's where you honeymooned. I would not be into that at all if I were her!
Seems your ex lacks imagination.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> Oooooo...in psych terms we call this a "white out".
> 
> Sometimes it's a passive agressive attempt to deliberately replace the older partner and send a clear message that they are being replaced.
> Other times there just isnt any real connection left.
> ...


I am with you on this samurai. Sometimes it's more about reclaiming than remembering something from back in the day and I'm an extremely sentimental person.

My x wife and I honeymooned in Maui. I totally fell in love with the place and have returned since. I would 100% take my GF there. Hell I would even honeymoon there again. It is quite literally one of my favorite places on earth. And while I regret that I shared that spot for the first time with my x I wouldn't have it forever off my destination map because she was there with me. That place means a hell of a lot more to me than my x wife does.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> Ugh, that made me throw up in my mouth a little!
> 
> My XH had the center stone in my engagement ring reset and gave it to his now (remarried her) wife. Recycled trash for recycled trash.


OMG. And she accepted it? 

Your ex is a big dummy.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> OMG. And she accepted it?
> 
> Your ex is a big dummy.


It's a glorified hunk of carbon...when did diamonds become magical?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

I dont know why people do these things. I know why I went to places ex husband and I visited. 
I did it to create new memories.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

SamuraiJack said:


> It's a glorified hunk of carbon...when did diamonds become magical?


Hunk of carbon, yes.
But in our society a diamond engagement ring has symbolized love and devotion for generations. So if you believe in love, even post-divorce, these symbols remain special. The love you had with an ex ought not to be interchangeable with the love you have for your current partner. Swapping stones becomes common, mundane, oh, and cheap.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Pluto2 said:


> Hunk of carbon, yes.
> But in our society a diamond engagement ring has symbolized love and devotion for generations. So if you believe in love, even post-divorce, these symbols remain special. The love you had with an ex ought not to be interchangeable with the love you have for your current partner. Swapping stones becomes common, mundane, oh, and cheap.


Just to play devil's advocate. I gave my ex my grandmothers wedding ring...does that diminish her in some way?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

SamuraiJack said:


> Just to play devil's advocate. I gave my ex my grandmothers wedding ring...does that diminish her in some way?


Not at all, because that is sentimental and the passing down of something traditional. Mine was one of many slaps in my face.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> Not at all, because that is sentimental and the passing down of something traditional. Mine was one of many slaps in my face.


I'm sorry that he did that. 
He was uncouth.

We actually recycle stones quite a bit in my family, but we have always had an odd reverence for it.

When my exes mother brough home her dead mothers jewels they were like hens at feeding time.
It was quite disgusting.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

No, that's not at all the same.
Now if your grandfather had given your grandmother's wedding ring or engagement ring to wife No. 2, well-that's just wrong.

And while legally the ex gets to keep grandma ring, she should give back a family heirloom. My ex didn't follow my divorce etiquette either. Guess that's why he's the ex.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

SamuraiJack said:


> I'm sorry that he did that.
> He was uncouth.
> 
> We actually recycle stones quite a bit in my family, but we have always had an odd reverence for it.
> ...


When grandma on mom's side died.... one of mom's sisters started taking her daughter over

to pick out things. The other three sisters had a schit fit. They all were supposed to go together. 

I was still a teen and pop told me

"It's not that they want certain things, they just don't want anyone else to have it."

Never been truer words spoken.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hell I would be out of spots to take my gfs if I started to think about not revisiting the spots I took my ex wife/ex gfs.

Whats so weird about this? Sometimes we run out of spots!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SamuraiJack said:


> Just to play devil's advocate. I gave my ex my grandmothers wedding ring...does that diminish her in some way?


Not the same at all as someone regifting their ex's wedding ring to a new partner. As using the same stone set in something else - wtf.


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

I think this White Line thing is it.

The New Forest in England is a National Park. It's literally crawling with caravan sites- I can think of at least 3 more in the same village as the now infamous one. So why go back there?

Ive had a feeling that this sort of thing has happened before. XH used to get very upset when I stated that I was the last "landlady" of the pub we had together. In fact when debts etc were being mooted around 12 months ago- the partner was making out he was the person who had the pub with XH.

A point that was severely shouted out by all who knew the truth.

I can't get my head around it to be honest. All very odd. I didn't take XH to any holiday place I'd been with my XX partner. Guess I'm wired differently.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> People are weird.
> 
> Does his partner know that you honeymooned there?


The ex was probably sh!tting in his pants when the GF mentioned it and if it wasn't the GF it was probably her that went in that direction so he had to chime in.. 

I'm pretty sure his GF would be very upset..


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

You can think it's weird, and it does seem strange, but honestly it may not mean anything at all. I mean, I drive by the place I got married EVERY DAY and I can see the sign from my house. The other night I was sitting on the front steps w/ a girl Ive been seeing and pointed it out to her. She asked if it bothered me and I said, not at all, I think its kinda funny. 

Also, in 2 weeks I am going, by myself, to the exact place my ex and I had our last vac together. Staying in the condo next to where we stayed. Why? Because I love the area and I love the place we stayed, ground level walkout to the beach in smaller building, walking distance to bars/restaurants/shopping. If I happened to be taking a girl, so what? that is an area I know and love; it is totally relaxing...


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