# Guys....is this normal? ED related.



## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Hope I"m allowed to post this here, as I am most assuredly female. LOL!

My man is 41. He had abused drugs in his younger years, but has been clean for nearly 8. (Long before I met him.) Almost 2 years ago he had a scare where he thought he was having a heart attack and his doctor had him do the test where they go in through your thigh artery and look at your heart with a camera (sorry, don't remember what it was called....we hadn't been dating long when that happened.) The doctor thought it was a good idea because of his past history with drug use (marajuana, prescription, and some lesser street drugs.)

Anyway, everything turned out fine, and the doc was even impressed with how it all looked.

When we first started being intimate, he would have some performance issues.....occasionally losing his E. He always said it was because I intimidated him (little ole ME????)

But over the past year or so things have gone at a steady decline. His drive is almost non-existant now. I'm lucky to have any action once a week. There have been times that I have "orally manipulated" certain things for a good 30-45 seconds with ZERO response. (And in the past he told me that is definitely one of my strengths.)

He will lose his E at the drop of a hat now. I can't possibly intimidate him anymore since we know each other so well. (We live together now.) He did mention my weight gain (15 pounds) as a potential reason, but I honestly think he's just grasping at straws.

I've begged him to go to the doctor, but he "hasn't had time" to make the appointment yet.

Is this an age thing? I think he has a physical issue......low T or something. He has mentioned a "pain" that happens every so often in the family jewel department. He himself has gained 30 pounds, and also complains about feeling tired. But he attributes it all to "age." 

I know he NEEDS to get to a doc. I'm trying to gently convince him to go. Am I overreacting? Need dude input! THanks!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening GA HEART
It could be physical, but it could also be psychological. One of the biggest causes of ED is.... worrying about ED. This leads to a feedback where things get worse and worse. 

Do you know if he can get an erection by himself when he masturbates? If so, then the problem is mostly not physical. If he can masturbate successfully, maybe he can show you what he does. 

If you haven't done so already, spend a month or so concentrating on other sexual acts. Make it clear that there are lots of wonderful things he can do for you that don't involve his penis. 

Find out his fantasies etc, and play to those. Despite rumors to the contrary, psychology is just as important for sex for men as it is for women. 



If that doesn't work, then medical assistance may make sense.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Weight gain plus aging plus fatigue - it's almost certainly a physical problem. There are several things he needs to do. These include losing weight through diet, exercising to increase stamina and build some muscle, and prior to this getting a thorough physical including cholesterol and testosterone levels (and related hormones).

His poor fitness is affecting his ability to perform and has probably lowered his T levels so that he's lost much of his interest in sex. T levels also affect performance and the ability to benefit from exercise. It's all interrelated.

If he seldom has morning erections now, it's very likely that his T levels are low. If he has circulatory problems due to poor fitness and being overweight, he may need ED drugs.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Thanks for the advice!!! 

I have no problems playing around with other stuff. I just wish he was interested more. Maybe it's just a difference of drives. He's always saying things like, "can't we just cuddle" and "it's not all about sex." To which I of course, agree. I don't think I push it on him though. I mean, I rarely say anything anymore and I've even quit trying to initiate. When we do have it (once a week) it's almost like a chore to him. I"ve never known a man like this. EVER. LOL!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

GA HEART said:


> . *He himself has gained 30 pounds*,


Right there^^^might be the cause of his ED problem.
Fat inhibits testosterone production and as men age sometimes their testosterone production levels goes down.
Weight training and a proper diet helps the body maintain healthy levels of testosterone.

If he's a smoker that will also contribute to his ED problem.

" Performance issues" might not be the problem because at minimum,the penis is supposed to be able to respond to manual stimulation or touch.
Most likely it is health related and he needs to go see a doctor as soon as possible.

Also make sure to rule out excessive porn usage and masturbation.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

VERY rare "good morning happies." 

I agree that his weight gain is probably causing some problems. I recently joined the gym and started running again. I encouraged him to do the same, but he's not terribly interested. I am not going to "force" the issue (or any issue) because I can't force him to do anything.

But I AM worried about it. He is a FANTASTIC cook, LOVES to eat. Doesn't love to exercise. Makes for a thick man. He's 6,1 and almost 300 pounds.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Ruled out. LOL! He doesn't show much of an interest in either. Although he HAS masturbated and then "couldn't" perform for me once. Which did hurt my feelings. But that was a while ago. I don't think he has done it in a month. Rare on the P too, even though I'm completely game to watch it with.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

He needs to lose over a hundred pounds. 

And don't believe any guy who blames his ED on _you._


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

And yes, I thought that WELL WITHIN 30-45 seconds of "mouthing" would produce SOMEthing. Nope. Cooked spaghetti.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

GA HEART said:


> VERY rare "good morning happies."
> 
> I agree that his weight gain is probably causing some problems. I recently joined the gym and started running again. I encouraged him to do the same, but he's not terribly interested. I am not going to "force" the issue (or any issue) because I can't force him to do anything.
> 
> But I AM worried about it. *He is a FANTASTIC cook, LOVES to eat. Doesn't love to exercise. Makes for a thick man. He's 6,1 and almost 300 pounds.*


*
*

Is he diabetic?

300 lbs is way too much weight is he isn't working out regularly.
It is not good for his heart and ED is the #1 early warning sign of cardiovascular issues [ clogged arteries] , and eventually , heart attack, in middle aged males.

Definitely get him to the doctor asap.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I for one, am relatively tired of the 'it's all in your head' diagnosis that goes along with ED, no offense richardsharpe, but I've heard it plenty myself.

Is it normal for a man in his 40's? I'd say no. Is it common? Yes. I have it. I used to say I was 'struggling' with it, but it isn't a struggle any more. It isn't going to resolve. I work with, and around it. My sex life is just fine.


More than likely there is a physiological component. I took a prescribed medication for years to treat a neurological condition that promoted issues with my prostate, and ED. It isn't going to resolve.

You can't really make him do anything. There are lots of things you can suggest:

Diet

Exercise

Sleep

Don't drink a bunch of alcohol as a precursor to sex

Rule out circulatory issues

Get his testosterone levels checked

If he is a frequent masturbator, porn user, he needs to dial back on that. I believe for a lot of guys once ED enters the picture, going solo becomes a far easier and less emotionally challenging method to have your sexual needs met, then signing up for the disappointment and frustration of not being able to 'rise' to the challenge of meeting your partners needs.

For your part? You can't take it personal. Likely has little to nothing to do with you. Support him ... if you can. I had a number of partners who couldn't help but take my issue, as a rejection of them ... untrue, and basically adds insult to injury.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

GA HEART said:


> Hope I"m allowed to post this here, as I am most assuredly female. LOL!
> 
> My man is 41. He had abused drugs in his younger years, but has been clean for nearly 8. (Long before I met him.) Almost 2 years ago he had a scare where he thought he was having a heart attack and his doctor had him do the test where they go in through your thigh artery and look at your heart with a camera (sorry, don't remember what it was called....we hadn't been dating long when that happened.) The doctor thought it was a good idea because of his past history with drug use (marajuana, prescription, and some lesser street drugs.)


A lot of people took this tour when they were younger, and cleaned it up and now have a good health.



GA HEART said:


> Anyway, everything turned out fine, and the doc was even impressed with how it all looked.
> 
> When we first started being intimate, he would have some performance issues.....occasionally losing his E. He always said it was because I intimidated him (little ole ME????)


Perhaps it's his perceived attitude of you, or perhaps you have been critical of him during insertion. It's also possible your past sexual experiences with guys who may have larger tools than him made him self-conscious.



GA HEART said:


> But over the past year or so things have gone at a steady decline. His drive is almost non-existant now. I'm lucky to have any action once a week. There have been times that I have "orally manipulated" certain things for a good 30-45 seconds with ZERO response. (And in the past he told me that is definitely one of my strengths.)


Try 5-10 minutes, and leave no pressure on him to erect. Tell him to enjoy the sensation and don't worry about erection or orgasm.



GA HEART said:


> He will lose his E at the drop of a hat now. I can't possibly intimidate him anymore since we know each other so well. (We live together now.) He did mention my weight gain (15 pounds) as a potential reason, but I honestly think he's just grasping at straws.


Each 7 lbs in weight gain is a visible difference. 15 lbs is not that much though. If you don't like it, do the work to take it off.



GA HEART said:


> I've begged him to go to the doctor, but he "hasn't had time" to make the appointment yet.
> 
> Is this an age thing? I think he has a physical issue......low T or something. He has mentioned a "pain" that happens every so often in the family jewel department. He himself has gained 30 pounds, and also complains about feeling tired. But he attributes it all to "age."


Tell him he needs to sweat all the bull$hit and self doubt out of his body.

30 lbs is enough to make someone get depressed. Also with that much more fat ( I'm sure it's not mostly muscle ), it will drag down the T levels and raise the estrogen levels. 

Everytime he see's himself in the mirror or you look at him, he will realize he is fatter and more swollen in a less desireable way.

If he'd simply get on a health kick for several months, including weights and some cardio, it's a high level of probability his sex drive will increase, his confidence in himself will increase, and his male parts will be able to have a stronger erection than they've had in years.

Personally I think he's given up on himself and he needs to accept that fact and do something about it.



GA HEART said:


> I know he NEEDS to get to a doc. I'm trying to gently convince him to go. Am I overreacting? Need dude input! THanks!


I don't think he NEED to go to a doc, it would empower him to do it on his own. My guess is most of his problems are tied up in the weight gain, and subsequent depression and slow down.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

His mother is diabetic. She isn't even that overweight, but developed type 2 in her 60's.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Oh I tell him all the time he's sexy to me! And I mean it! I don't see a "fat man" when I look at him. (I mean, I see it, but I don't.....if that makes sense! LOL!)

I have never tried to intimidate or say anything against what he does, and he is a very good lover. I"ve always tried to praise him and tell him to relax. He's always been pretty critical of himself in that department. He's even gone as far as telling me (repeatedly, even though I ask him to not say it) to find myself a "pool boy" so I can stay happy. 

WTF? I don't want a "pool boy." I want him. And I tell him that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He would be classified as "morbidly obese" (ok, close enough to it not to matter). Until that's under control, I wouldn't bother worry about too much else. And that's probably why he's avoiding the doctor... He KNOWS what the lecture will be, and he doesn't want to be told he has to lose weight. 

Just my $0.02...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

GA HEART said:


> Oh I tell him all the time he's sexy to me! And I mean it! I don't see a "fat man" when I look at him. (I mean, I see it, but I don't.....if that makes sense! LOL!)
> 
> I have never tried to intimidate or say anything against what he does, and he is a very good lover. I"ve always tried to praise him and tell him to relax. He's always been pretty critical of himself in that department. He's even gone as far as telling me (repeatedly, even though I ask him to not say it) to find myself a "pool boy" so I can stay happy.
> 
> WTF? I don't want a "pool boy." I want him. And I tell him that.


I think the oral without any expectation will drive that point home.

His problem is how he feels about himself, and he's not alone. 

He can do something about it.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

GH, it's not you that is the problem. It's him, and his food addiction.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I'm not taking this personally, honestly.

The comment he made about my weight hurt at first. But he was right, I have gained weight, and I don't like that. But I am in the gym now and am running again. I liked how I felt when I was in shape. I will get there again. 

And I've told him time and time again that I am HERE and am not going anywhere. He has insecurities. He knows he does. I just wish he could see that I don't need to be one of them.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

GA HEART said:


> I'm not taking this personally, honestly.
> 
> The comment he made about my weight hurt at first. But he was right, I have gained weight, and I don't like that. But I am in the gym now and am running again. I liked how I felt when I was in shape. I will get there again.
> 
> And I've told him time and time again that I am HERE and am not going anywhere. He has insecurities. He knows he does. I just wish he could see that I don't need to be one of them.


Have you ever tried getting him to join you on your fitness journey?

After all you're doing it for yourself and him , why can't he do the same?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You are showing a lot of leadership, GH. Your husband is very lucky.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> (marajuana, prescription, and some lesser street drugs.)


I'm curious, what are "lesser" street drugs than marijuana?

About the issues you have. It can be physical/age thing but we go there let me ask you something.

How much time you 2 spend together (per week)?
What do you guys do?
How much affection do you show him?
What do you usually do that leads up to intimacy?
How healthy are his eating habits?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> I'm not taking this personally, honestly.
> 
> The comment he made about my weight hurt at first. But he was right, I have gained weight, and I don't like that. But I am in the gym now and am running again. I liked how I felt when I was in shape. I will get there again.
> 
> And I've told him time and time again that I am HERE and am not going anywhere. He has insecurities. He knows he does. I just wish he could see that I don't need to be one of them.


It shouldn't make you hurt (to an extent).

He cares about you enough to tell you something that is difficult.

That's a sign of love. He wants you to be healthy so that you 2 can live together LONGER.

Keep it up and prove to him you can do it. Good work.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The guy weighs 300 pounds... His right to suggest anyone lose weight was long gone, IMHO. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

PBear said:


> The guy weighs 300 pounds... His right to suggest anyone lose weight was long gone, IMHO.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't see that he weighs 300 lbs. I saw she said he was 30lbs overweight...

If it's 300 lbs, then that is most assuredly the reason he feels depressed and he has poor to no erections.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

GA HEART said:


> He is a FANTASTIC cook, LOVES to eat. Doesn't love to exercise. Makes for a thick man. He's 6,1 and almost 300 pounds.


Just for reference...

His body will be failing as his weight stays up there. Things that were once fine will start to fail, just because of the abuse on his body. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

PBear said:


> Just for reference...
> 
> His body will be failing as his weight stays up there. Things that were once fine will start to fail, just because of the abuse on his body.
> 
> ...


Didn't see that. No matter his bone structure, he needs to get that under 230 lbs. Guys will make an excuse about being heavy framed or big boned...

It's an excuse. He will feel different and it will be a different world with that personal prison of excessive body weight removed.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Well, he's like 285, I said nearly 300. LOL! 

Lesser meaning not Meth, not crack rock......he did coke, X, and I think acid. I don't have much experience in this department. I wasn't too wild when I was younger. LOL!

Thanks for the compliment JLD! He's just the BF (live in, both have previous marriage disasters) but we are committed to each other and I love him very much.

CM - I'm trying.  When we met, he worked out with me to "impress" me. LOL! He's admitted more than once he was just trying to "get the girl." In fact, he balked when I joined the gym recently. I think he was afraid of me encouraging him to go. Haha!

Thanks fellas, I really appreciate all the input.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

GA HEART said:


> Well, he's like 285, I said nearly 300. LOL!
> 
> Lesser meaning not Meth, not crack rock......he did coke, X, and I think acid. I don't have much experience in this department. I wasn't too wild when I was younger. LOL!
> 
> ...


I'd just call him "300lbs" to get his fat a$$ motivated.

Also lead by example in getting your 15 lbs off if you want, or slicing it down 7 lbs, whatever floats your boat.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

PBear said:


> The guy weighs 300 pounds... His right to suggest anyone lose weight was long gone, IMHO.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed

+ I'm sure his lack of erection issues have a LOT to do with his diet/lack of physical activity.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

DoF said:


> Agreed
> 
> + I'm sure his lack of erection issues have a LOT to do with his diet/lack of physical activity.


He probably has more than 1" of erect penis buried underneath all of that fat.

I guarantee the weight which is due to diet and lack of excersize is the reason for his lack of erections and his depressiveness.

What was the last weight he was at when his equipment worked more properly?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Deejo
I don't disagree that there may be physical causes, but I think its better to rule out the psychological ones first. In particular if a man is physically capable of getting and keeping an erection when he masturbates, then that mostly rules out a physical problem. 

Doctors are often quite to prescribe medication that may have other negative side effects .



Deejo said:


> I for one, am relatively tired of the 'it's all in your head' diagnosis that goes along with ED, no offense richardsharpe, but I've heard it plenty myself.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

He was around 230 when we met. So I guess he's put on roughly 50 pounds. (He always says 30, so I just went with that. LOL!)

And he DOES carry it well. It's ALL in the beer gut. LOL! He has a positively tiny, cute lil tushy (even if it is hairy.)


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

And naw, I don't let my weight gain upset me. I mean, I don't LIKE it, but I know it's ALL within my power to do something about it. I was a bigger gal before (MUCH bigger than I am now) and lost about 50 pounds myself before he and I met. I was feeling pretty darn happy with the bikini, will get there again.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

50 pounds in how many months/years? And have you actually seen his weight on a scale? Don't be surprised if it's even more than he tells you. 

Seriously... He's headed for an early grave. While the ED issues are a big one, the fact that you're looking at significant life threatening issues is an even bigger problem. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Yes, ultimately I want him with me for a VERY long time, and told him so just earlier today. It's his health that's the main concern to me. 

A coworker recently lost her husband. He was 350 pounds (shorter than my guy) and had diabetes. Apparently he got sick and went to the hospital and died the next day. He was 42. They still don't know exactly why. I have another friend who lost her large hubby to a heart attack at 38. 

I don't want that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And what was his response?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening GA HEART
> It could be physical, but it could also be psychological. One of the biggest causes of ED is.... worrying about ED. This leads to a feedback where things get worse and worse.


This


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I think he has a physical problem and shame on him for blaming you. The various products out there are a multi-billion business for a reason. I would speak with him nicely, ask him to go to a doctor, tell him you love him, and want to share time with him. Having had a catheter for a period, hey these things are parts, and once you realize that, you can address problems.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

GA HEART said:


> He was around 230 when we met. So I guess he's put on roughly 50 pounds. (He always says 30, so I just went with that. LOL!)
> 
> And he DOES carry it well. It's ALL in the beer gut. LOL! He has a positively tiny, cute lil tushy (even if it is hairy.)


50 pounds....???

just imagine carrying three bowling balls around all day long... it can't be good for you and it will tire you out.

Now - as to the beer gut... that is actually the *worst* way to carry that weight. Basically it means that his organs in that area are packed with fat to the point that it is distending his abdomen. That means that his whole system is probably out of whack due to the pressures being put on his body in that area.

And I think that Deejo is correct that this is a physical issue. At this age, and with all this additional weight he is putting too much strain on himself and the plumbing is a weak link which is testament to the strain he is under.

If he really wants to be with you for a long time he needs to get serious about this and get healthy. Right now he is on a slippery slide to an early death.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Sunburn said:


> This


Unfortunately, being so fat will lead to reduced self image and view of virility, which do lead to depression and ed.

Also the higher body fat would convert more testosterone to estrogen, as they say a "fatter" person is more estrogenic because fat has receptors for estrogen.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> He was around 230 when we met. So I guess he's put on roughly 50 pounds. (He always says 30, so I just went with that. LOL!)
> 
> And he DOES carry it well. It's ALL in the beer gut. LOL! He has a positively tiny, cute lil tushy (even if it is hairy.)


If you like the way he looks, that's all that matters. If you don't or think it can be causing lack of erection, you will need to communicate that to him.

He should be listening and acting as much as you are!

:smthumbup:


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

He promised me he would make an appt TODAY. We will see. LOL!

I love the heck outta this man.....fat or otherwise. And he knows it. And loves me back. Fat or otherwise. 

As an aside, it feels great to finally be in a relationship where I feel like I"m actually LIKED and truly loved. And he says the same. We are perfectly compatible 95% of the time. That other 5% makes for some lightning arguments (which I swear he enjoys. LOL!)


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

DoF said:


> If you like the way he looks, that's all that matters. If you don't or think it can be causing lack of erection, you will need to communicate that to him.
> 
> He should be listening and acting as much as you are!
> 
> :smthumbup:


I know for a fact that that type of excessive weight carry WILL lead to:

1. Weakened erections
2. SHORTER PENIS!
3. Lessened self esteem and self image
4. Slower metabolism
5. Plus fat has estrogen receptors, so more testosterone converts to estrogen
6. High blood pressure
7. Sluggishness and back pain

#2 is due to a fatty fat mound that builds up around the base of the penis, burying 1-2" of penis under fat. It can be reclaimed by losing the weight.

#7 is due to the extra weight being hard to support for a bed and getting up and laying down with all that weight. Usually translates into lower back pain. Also you can have more sore knees from walking up stairs for example due to the extra loading.

You can tell him he looks beautiful but he will do so many benefits to himself returning to his former weight or even a bit lighter...


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

sparkyjim said:


> 50 pounds....???
> 
> just imagine carrying three bowling balls around all day long... it can't be good for you and it will tire you out.
> 
> Now - as to the beer gut... that is actually the *worst* way to carry that weight. Basically it means that his organs in that area are packed with fat to the point that it is distending his abdomen. That means that his whole system is probably out of whack due to the pressures being put on his body in that area.


It's true... The organs in the lower abdomen and chest are packed full of this internal fatty tissues, so there is unnecessary pressure and constriction on these orgams which means the system will not be as efficient.

On a clothes dryer, if you had a crushed outlet hose, is it a free ride? No it's not, clothes won't dry as well because the dryer will not circulate and exhaust warm moist air as easy.



sparkyjim said:


> And I think that Deejo is correct that this is a physical issue. At this age, and with all this additional weight he is putting too much strain on himself and the plumbing is a weak link which is testament to the strain he is under.
> 
> If he really wants to be with you for a long time he needs to get serious about this and get healthy. Right now he is on a slippery slide to an early death.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I DO want him to lose the weight, but I love him even if he doesn't. The weight isn't a deal breaker to me or anything. It's his health......he does know he's unhealthy, he does have back problems. He wants to lose the weight, he's just not at the point of being willing to do the hard work required yet. I"ve been there, I can understand that feeling. I was a porker about 5 years ago. I finally got fed up and lost about 50 pounds myself, over the course of about 3 years. Was fitting into size 6 clothes. (I am only 5,1....and curvy built.....will NEVER lose as much as the BMI charts say I can. Because trust me, I tried. HARD.) But then we met. I was about 130, he was about 230. We both gained some weight......me 15, him 50. I knew I was gaining, but it was "happy weight" and I didn't really care. Until I couldn't even fit into my size 6's anymore. LOL! Then the 8s started getting tight. By the time I got comfortably into my 10's I knew there was a problem, and am now in the gym and running. The gym girl was who he met. I am aiming for 130 again, and then maintain. 

I want him to get excited about it like I do. I want him to lose it for his health. But I can't force it on him and won't try. Gentle nudges, yes. Craming it down his throat, no. I DID tell him that I would have a problem with his appearance if his gut starts to "flop" over. So far it hasn't.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

GA HEART said:


> I DO want him to lose the weight, but I love him even if he doesn't. The weight isn't a deal breaker to me or anything. It's his health......he does know he's unhealthy, he does have back problems. He wants to lose the weight, he's just not at the point of being willing to do the hard work required yet. I"ve been there, I can understand that feeling. I was a porker about 5 years ago. I finally got fed up and lost about 50 pounds myself, over the course of about 3 years. Was fitting into size 6 clothes. (I am only 5,1....and curvy built.....will NEVER lose as much as the BMI charts say I can. Because trust me, I tried. HARD.) But then we met. I was about 130, he was about 230. We both gained some weight......me 15, him 50. I knew I was gaining, but it was "happy weight" and I didn't really care. Until I couldn't even fit into my size 6's anymore. LOL! Then the 8s started getting tight. By the time I got comfortably into my 10's I knew there was a problem, and am now in the gym and running. The gym girl was who he met. I am aiming for 130 again, and then maintain.
> 
> I want him to get excited about it like I do. I want him to lose it for his health. But I can't force it on him and won't try. Gentle nudges, yes. Craming it down his throat, no. I DID tell him that I would have a problem with his appearance if his gut starts to "flop" over. So far it hasn't.


Haha, so he has that big dense "power gut"!

If he's too lazy to workout, he should just walk 30 min - 1 hr daily. Over the period of 3-6 months he will get it all off and then some.

Then adjustments to the diet. Doesn't have to eat super strict, but manage it somewhat.

So perhaps if he drinks every day he can't.

Perhaps if he eats fast food daily, cut it down to once or twice a week.

If he's eating a bunch of sugar and sweets, cut it down.

The rest can remain the same.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Appointment made for next Thursday! Yay!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

GA HEART said:


> Appointment made for next Thursday! Yay!


Explain to him that his privates used to be bigger. And if he says its not a big deal, explain to him that it excites you more to see him like that.

Not too many men are going to want to be smaller down there than they really are.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

LOL, I am not going to say that, he already has a complex (FOR ZERO REASON) about it! LOL! Besides, I don't think it's true. 

He did say his cajone has been hurting him today. He has had a vasectomy, so I told him it could be epiditimitis (sp?) 

He's all worried about "rod insertion." *eye roll* 

Sorry guys, as a female, I have zero sympathy for ya on that one!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

GA HEART said:


> LOL, I am not going to say that, he already has a complex (FOR ZERO REASON) about it! LOL! Besides, I don't think it's true.
> 
> He did say his cajone has been hurting him today. He has had a vasectomy, so I told him it could be epiditimitis (sp?)
> 
> ...


The actual truth from a guy who normally is 240 and ballooned up to 310 during a period of heavy drinking and depression is I had 1" of penis hidden under fat. Also without the weight I had better circulation to it.

So maybe tell him a little is hiding under the fat and he will strive to remove that fat.


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

Man, there is so much going on here. The physical issues but also, it seems, HUGE mental issues. 

First, he is very lucky to have you, someone who cares. If he was alone who knows what would happen.

Life is not getting longer, right. I hope you, and others, can support him wanting to make the most of what is left. I'm pretty sure you he will be much happier getting in shape, feeling better and chasing after you, right?


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

mpgunner is right, there is a ton going on here in the posts. 

I will openly tell you I have ED,not only because we are all anonymous on the board here but because I believe it is important for people to talk about it. It should be a subject we can talk about without shame and ridicule because it is not a subject that is comfortable for most to discuss. 

What is the cause of my ED? no idea, I am a bigger guy , I am 285 and 6'2, I am not vastly overweight, I have a large build and if I lost 30 pounds I would likely be fairly lean, I have been close to that weight before at 265 and it did not really improve my ED issues. If I got down to the weight the BMI indicates I should be at I would look very funny, my bones would be sticking out everywhere and my head would look huge. ugh.

When I finally talked to my doctor about it and got some samples of ED meds and tried them it was really eye opening for me. I was able to fully pleasure my wife again. I had really good endurance and was able to do some different positions again that were out of the question before. In fact there was complaints about being hard for too long and causing discomfort. oops.

In my case I believe it is a physical issue, maybe the blood supply is compromised from years of cycling, maybe some other issue is down there, having some ultra sound done soon to find out.

I am pretty sure there is not a mental issue for my ED, I love my wife, and I want to be with her.I can be hard but at some random time I can lose the erection. not fun for anybody in that situation but at least she understand and is very patient with me.

Without talking to the doctor your guy will not really understand what is going on with him. I am glad you are there for him and do not take it all personally. many women are not that way and will not "tolerate" it for long.

the others are correct though, he should be getting some type of exercise, he will feel better at least and I can tell you , that sex drive does increase with fresh air intake. if you are stuck in a stale office environment all day then you are not going to feel sexy or stimulated when you come home. 

He likely is getting frustrated about having ED issues and then starts to shut that part down, he feels less sexy or just does not want to put that type of effort into it any longer. I hope he gets some help and changes things up a little. While sex is not the only thing in a relationship, it definitely helps you bond a lot better.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> When we first started being intimate, he would have some performance issues.....occasionally losing his E. He always said *it was because I intimidated him *(little ole ME????)
> my strengths.)
> 
> He will lose his E at the drop of a hat now. I can't possibly intimidate him anymore since we know each other so well. (We live together now.)
> ...


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