# What makes a man sexy? Opinions wanted!



## frustrateddaddy03 (Nov 23, 2009)

Some of you may have seen my other post about my wife and I being incompatible, sexually. She told me a couple of days ago that I have the sexiest legs she's ever seen... which was great to hear, but it got me wondering what other women consider sexy. 

It seems like women can do a lot of things to be sexy (physically), but what can I do? 

I'm 38, in decent shape, have salt/pepper hair. I don't have any issues with BO, bad teeth, etc. I'd consider myself to be average looking. Not great, not terrible.

What do you women consider sexy (again, physically)? I want to see if I can make myself more appealing to my wife.

Thanks!


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

Money


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## frustrateddaddy03 (Nov 23, 2009)

Sven said:


> Money


Ah, well, that explains my problem then!


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## Ditajr (Nov 24, 2009)

That is kind of a hard question to answer. I would think that if she married you, she thinks you are plenty sexy.


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## Ladybug30 (Oct 27, 2009)

I think dressing nice is sexy. Don't just sit around the house in sweat pants and t shirts. I'm not saying you have to be dressed up all the time, but put on a nice shirt and slacks soemtimes when you're lounging around the house.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

It's about respect. Do you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself? Stay clean, well groomed and don't dress like a bum.


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## Ditajr (Nov 24, 2009)

Ladybug30 said:


> I think dressing nice is sexy. Don't just sit around the house in sweat pants and t shirts. I'm not saying you have to be dressed up all the time, but put on a nice shirt and slacks soemtimes when you're lounging around the house.


I agree. My husband wears jeans and tshirts everyday for basically any outing or event. Put on a darn button down shirt and a nice pair of pants, even jeans if they are a good pair and not the same ones you use to change the oil in your car.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I think salt & pepper hair is sexy. Probably what tops my list is when my h works out in the morning...and then comes in looking totally ripped in a spandex t-shirt & baggy shorts...good morning


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## frustrateddaddy03 (Nov 23, 2009)

So far sounds pretty much like basic hygene and dressing nicely. Is that sexy or just common decency 

What else can I do?

THANKS!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

My wife has always found my confidence sexy. Especially when we are out at a social engagement where we don't know many people. She calls it "working the room".


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Sven said:


> It's about respect. Do you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself? Stay clean, well groomed and don't dress like a bum.


Thats me out then !!!!


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## Commited1 (Nov 13, 2009)

frustrateddaddy03 said:


> Some of you may have seen my other post about my wife and I being incompatible, sexually. She told me a couple of days ago that I have the sexiest legs she's ever seen... which was great to hear, but it got me wondering what other women consider sexy.
> 
> It seems like women can do a lot of things to be sexy (physically), but what can I do?
> 
> ...


I think everyone is different but, I asked this same question to my wife recently before we went out and she said:

"The only things most women look at is your butt, your package, and your chest- as in do you have the upside triangle shaped torso, wide shoulders and a fairly narrrow waist". 

Don't know if that helps, but its what she said


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

sense of humor

being optimistic in a genuine way - for instance when stuff goes wrong instead of complaining - figure out how to improve the situation and then make it happen

Having a plan b - even if you don't mention it up front. My very first date with my wife 21 years ago - plan a got derailed and I told her I always had a plan b - and I did. She loved that. And yes found it sexy that I cared enough about our date to have a plan b

commanding / demanding the respect of others - including your wife. Don't let her speak to you like a servant or child. Don't let her half listen when you speak to her - for instance if she does not look at you, or looks at a computer screen while you converse

And of course you have to treat her the same way you wish to be treated. 

Being ambitious at work - having a plan for your career - working hard - that is a huge turn on for a woman

Having an edge to you

Being considerate and kind - this is super killer hot when combined with having an edge. it is super killer boring and a turn off when it is part of being too nice/submissive/conflict avoidant/weak

Have her take you clothes shopping and help you dress in a way SHE thinks is hot



frustrateddaddy03 said:


> Some of you may have seen my other post about my wife and I being incompatible, sexually. She told me a couple of days ago that I have the sexiest legs she's ever seen... which was great to hear, but it got me wondering what other women consider sexy.
> 
> It seems like women can do a lot of things to be sexy (physically), but what can I do?
> 
> ...


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## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

I think personally attitude is just as, if not almost more-so influencing on sexy as opposed to strictly the physical.
I think self confidance with a dash of arrogance is insanely sexy.
When a man is assertive, confidant, knows what he wants and get it - it is incredible.
Physically a man's shoulders, eyes, smile, bum, etc, haha.


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

Definitely, me for me, the way you dress. For instance, last night we went over to friend's house for dinner. My H walked into the bedroom with a great pair of jeans, t-shirt under an untucked buttoned down shirt, cuffs rolled up and a ball cap. SMOKING HOT! 

But also how you carry yourself. Like when you look good, and know it is hot. When he gives me the "look" from across the room, or winks or smiles at me just right. Incredibly sexy. Especially when you're somewhere that nothing can be done about it at the time. Very sexy. 

Watching my H with my kids - sexy. Watching him vacuum - very sexy! LOL


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

What is sexy is anything that is good for making and raising babies.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Relationship power. Which is derived by showing courage when there is conflict. You have never posted anything that shows you are willing to have the kind of conflict needed to actually show your wife you are a strong man. 

Last time - right after we told you specifically what you NEEDED to do to make her WANT you - you instead went to her and had one more conversation where you whined about how she didn't give you enough sex. She gave you the usual blowoff and now you are back 2 months later wanting the magic keys to her libido. We gave them to you - you just don't get it. 

If you do what we say - it isn't like 3 - 6 months of effort for one extra night of sex. Not like that at all. It is 3 to 6 months of effort and after that you will have sex way way more often because she will want you. But during that 3-6 months you become steadily more attractive and less available without ever bringing up sex. EVER. Let her come to you. 

For a guy who seemed to be really smart.....

Going to the gym makes you universally more atttractive to OTHER women. Your wife will react to the combo of THAT plus you showing less interest in her. Plus you have GOT to stop saying things like you would never leave her no matter what she does or does not do for you because that level of relationship stability takes ALL the excitement out of it for a woman and kills their desire. 




frustrateddaddy03 said:


> Some of you may have seen my other post about my wife and I being incompatible, sexually. She told me a couple of days ago that I have the sexiest legs she's ever seen... which was great to hear, but it got me wondering what other women consider sexy.
> 
> It seems like women can do a lot of things to be sexy (physically), but what can I do?
> 
> ...


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> If you do what we say - it isn't like 3 - 6 months of effort for one extra night of sex. Not like that at all. It is 3 to 6 months of effort and after that you will have sex way way more often because she will want you. But during that 3-6 months you become steadily more attractive and less available without ever bringing up sex. EVER. Let her come to you. ...
> 
> Going to the gym makes you universally more atttractive to OTHER women. Your wife will react to the combo of THAT plus you showing less interest in her. Plus you have GOT to stop saying things like you would never leave her no matter what she does or does not do for you because that level of relationship stability takes ALL the excitement out of it for a woman and kills their desire.


I generally agree with this approach. However I think it's important to make it plain that you have sexual interests and needs that you expect to be satisfied. However, it's very important that this comes after you have worked on raising your overall sexiness.

There's nothing like another woman hitting on you to make your wife sit up and pay attention. :smthumbup:


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This guys issues are mostly behavioral. He is saturating his wife in "I love yous" while she starves him of sex. Classic nice guy death spiral. She with holds sex a bit - standard female test for fitness. Nothing wrong with it - this is hardwired behavior that you cannot prevent you simply either react to it properly or improperly. 

IMPROPER RESPONSE - WHICH HAS BEEN HIM TO A T SO FAR:
She with holds sex. He then acts submissive does the I love you stuff even more frequently - acts docile/non-threatening. Gets even more submissive and says I would never leave you over this or anything else. Yuck. Really this is getting sickening. Even as a man I would be REPULSED if my wife did that to me. Told me that even if I broke her heart through my indifference she would keep kissing my ass til death did us part. YUCK.

Part of being married is engaging in ACCEPTABLE sexual behavior. Forcing your spouse to be almost celibate is not acceptable. It is in the same ballpark as cheating on them. It is simply not allowed. So if my wife said "I would never leave you even if you cheated on me" that is the same as a average sex drive man saying to his wife "I will never leave you even if you never sleep with me again even though I am only 35" 

Nasty. Who wants to be with someone who lacks self respect. Who wants to be with someone who grovels. This is NOT about how he looks. READ HIS POST. It screams conflict avoidant with her all the way through. 

As for Atholk and his point about this guy having needs - I agree 100 percent. But this guy needs to get himself under control. Go find his balls - which have rolled off into some lost part of the house. Reattach them and go do some strength training. And stop saturating his wife in love. She wants a strong man. She is denying him sex in the hope that a testosterone buildup will make him MORE AGGRESSIVE in a good/assertive/strong positive manner. 

This is so effing obvious. 

And actually as part of regaining self control he should exhibit ZERO desire towards her. She has been ignoring it. 

The sexual attention I show MY WIFE is a gift. It is me being open and loving to someone who has earned my love by reciprocating it. I would quickly shut that down and be friendly/polite and reserved totally non sexual - if she were to start rejecting me in bed. And of course I would start by asking her why - which he has tried and failed many times. She won't tell him. Which is TOTALLY FINE. She is not being sadistic here. This is a MALE TEST FOR FITNESS you either pass and get mating privileges or you fail and they remain revoked. Almost certainly he actually failed a lot of these before she revoked his mating pass the first time. 





Star said:


> Lol!! I like it!!
> 
> I have a thing for men in business/mourning suits, I have a picture of my H in his mourning suit when we married and every now and then I will just sit and stare at it and grin and remember what went on the night of the wedding.:smthumbup:


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

mem, what if what you are saying backfires? When I have said no (all of 3 times in 3 years), all it does is make my husband stop any affection or initiating with me. So what if frustrateddaddy tries this tactic and it just backfires and there is even less sex? How long must you say no and have the uncomfortable state before it resolves? You have gotten to the comfortable place and would like to learn as much as frustrateddaddy.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

C2L,
See his initial post below. He is so beaten down that he only initiates sex once every few months because of the high level of rejection. 

Saying no once a year is not rejecting anyone. I expect the occasional disconnect and am not at all affected by it. Same thing goes for my wife. But we would never go months without sex. That is profoundly broken. And if one of us wants to see an MC the other says "ok" even if they think it is overkill. This is a sexless marriage - he can only fix this by acting differently then he has been. 

He is in the nice guy marital death spiral - he self describes servile behavior. 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
serve her like hired help

>>>>>>>>>>>>
I rarely (maybe once every few months) even make a pass at her because I can't stand the rejection. And I'm not trying to do anything out of the ordinary... I'm just not satisifed, and I think the physical aspect of the relationship is as important as any other.

A little info that may help: 
I'm very hands on with the kids (I get up around 5 am, 7 days a week with the kids so she can sleep in. I help with baths/showers/getting dressed, make breakfast, clean up the dishes, pack their snacks/lunches, then go to work. Generally when I get home, I take care of dinner, play with the kids, help put them to bed. Wife goes to sleep... I'm up and down with those who aren't sleeping, sometimes until 2-3 in the morning.) I try to be romantic and affectionate (send flowers once a month, send love notes, etc). I'm probably fairly average looking and in decent shape, but not stellar for either. I took a job close to home so I could be there by 5:30 99% of the time. I don't travel, I don't drink, and I don't go out with friends. My life is with my wife and kids.

As for the wife, she has periodic episodes with depression. She takes medication, which I'd say could be lowering her libido, but this issue predates the medication. Her health isn't the greatest (primarily psychosomatic manifestations), but it's not awful. And when she does want to fool around, it's pretty much her taking her pants off, hopping up on the bed and saying and enthusiastic "come on, let's go!" or something similar.

I've suggested counseling, but that just puts her into a depression (she takes that as a serious insult). I've gone by myself, have taken herbal suppliments, and even put myself onto an antidepressant in hopes that the "sexual side effects" will apply to me. No luck. The sad thing about all this is that I've started thinking that I work my @ss off, every day of every week, get very little sleep, serve her like hired help, and that I DESERVE better (in the sex department). That scares me a little.

Additional Details
- We both tell each other regularly how much we appreciate each other, and how sexy/attractive, etc, we find the other...
- I've tried all the romance (flowers, notes, soft music, candles, dancing close when the kids go to bed), explicit stuff (dirty movies, suggestive emails/voice mails), but nothing changes.
- She's satisfied with our sex life and when I've asked her about it says it's "better than she ever hoped." UGH.
- I would never cheat on her, nor would I ever leave her. The MOST important thing, above anything else, is that my children grow up in a loving home with affectionate parents. 




Choose2love said:


> mem, what if what you are saying backfires? When I have said no (all of 3 times in 3 years), all it does is make my husband stop any affection or initiating with me. So what if frustrateddaddy tries this tactic and it just backfires and there is even less sex? How long must you say no and have the uncomfortable state before it resolves? You have gotten to the comfortable place and would like to learn as much as frustrateddaddy.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Thanks. I guess I need to clarify that even though I have only said no 3 times, he has said no hundreds of times in 3 years. I am in the same boat as frustrateddaddy. I just fear that if he tries to say no to force acceptable behavior, it will backfire like it did for me. I am the higher drive spouse like frustrateddaddy. if he says no, how long must he wait while she continues to say no or plain avoid him until he sees change?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I am not suggesting he reject her. I am suggesting he stop acting like her eager to please servant hoping she will somehow find that attractive. No one does. 

I am suggesting he stop catering to her and saturating her with I love yous - because that does not turn anyone on. 




Choose2love said:


> Thanks. I guess I need to clarify that even though I have only said no 3 times, he has said no hundreds of times in 3 years. I am in the same boat as frustrateddaddy. I just fear that if he tries to say no to force acceptable behavior, it will backfire like it did for me. I am the higher drive spouse like frustrateddaddy. if he says no, how long must he wait while she continues to say no or plain avoid him until he sees change?


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Got it. Thanks!


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## Lucilove (Jul 22, 2010)

It's all in the eye of the beholder!

Romantic yet not too fem
Clean, shaved, short hair, well dressed (even if it's just jeans)
Manly, handy, sporty, healthy
Good dad, faithful
GOOD KISSER! If the kiss is not good...neither is the rest
Hard working, confident, NOT insecure
CHANGE YOUR GAL'S OIL AND GAS HER CAR UP! It goes a long way if you know what I mean;-)


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Have her take you clothes shopping and help you dress in a way SHE thinks is hot


This one can lead to all sorts of fun. Got my wife to do this, before she turmned mad, but anyway, told her that she needs to get in the changing booth with me.... can't do the buttons up... about 10 minutes later we emerged with a much higher blood presure than we went in with... so guys.... and girls....this is something to consider... mmmmm


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## Mrslovingwife (Jun 21, 2010)

First I like a confident man, not ****y. A funny man is also very sexy. I prefer a tall guy who is athletic looking. My H is starting to go gray which I find so sexy.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It varies for different people. Some of it's physical, like for me it's my boyfriend's brown eyes. Some of it's attitude, like his confidence and his intelligence. And there are just moments when he says or does something that's incredibly sexy. Such as the other day, when we were having a conversation about killing people (don't ask, long story), and my mother made a reference to someone hurting me and my boyfriend said, "If that ever happened, I'd string them up from a tree and play tug of war with their legs" and then my mom said something about my boys being hurt, and my boyfriend added, "There'd be a whole line of people waiting to hurt that guy, and I'd be at the front of the line." He's not my kids father, so to hear him be that fiercely protective of me and my kids was a major turn on. 

Other things like the way he kisses me, certain sounds he makes when we make love....it all just depends on the person. What I find sexy, your wife might not, and vice versa.


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## Carron36 (Jun 2, 2010)

I think what frustrateddaddy wants to know from the women is, when a man walks in a room, what about him makes us take notice and think 'yummmmmm'. A man doesn't have to be gorgeous for that to happen. 
It all comes down to how you're dressed and confidence in yourself.
A guy with a pair of jeans on that fit well in all the right places can be a turn on as much as an expensive pair of Brooks Brothers pants. 
If your wife likes your thighs, pick pants that cling a little more in that area and play up that attribute to grab her attention. Personally, I notice thighs first. If my husband's legs look good in a pair of pants, I can ignore the droopy backside because he's got no ass to fill his pants !


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## peacefully (Nov 13, 2009)

For me, it has a lot to do with the way a man smells. That might be strange, but it's true. Also, humor, confidence and demonstrations of loyalty. If I learn that a man is hurtful or disloyal, I will lose attraction almost immediately.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Ah, sense of humor.

Should have thought of that.

No wonder Moe, Shemp and Larry got all the women in those movie shorts.


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