# Am I over thinking this.



## Ar2124 (Jul 12, 2015)

Me and wife have been together for 12 years. We have had issues in the past. Recently my wife has become close with a woman who cheated on her husband, got pregnant by the guy, and is going through divorce. Initially we met her through the school and my wife and her gradually became closer. I have recently been working out of town the last two months and I think she has been leaning on her a lot.

my wife planned to go to Georgia this weekend to see her younger brother graduate. This was planned months ago. Before I knew it this chick planned to tag along. Two days together with this woman and my wife is a different person. They go out to the bar 3nights in a row and stay out till 3 in the morning. The first night I asked what they had planned and got the oh nothing. Wife would not answer my phone calls or respond to text. Next night same thing. Would not tell me what they had planned or where they were going. I asked why she was ignoring me she said she didn’t have phone signal. Next day they go to the graduation for an hour then straight to the bar/Resteraunt. I can see her location on find my I phone. I look up the Resteraunt and it’s closed. I call and no answer. So I call again. She text back and says she is just leaving graduation and can’t hear the phone ring. I call again cause I know she’snot at graduation. She answers and ask whyam I doing this, I’m accusing her of doing stuff and she basically went off on me. This after her being at the bar till four in the morning and not talking to me for two days. So told me nothing about where they were going or doing and acted likeit was none of my business. Said she would call me later, stayed at the bar till 3am again and never called. I can see her location and know that they were at the bars then back to the house.

my theory is this chick is pumping my wife’s head full of ****. She was to to fly in for the graduation and right back. Then it turned into her and this chick getting away for four days and partying all night and it seems my wife has totally turned against me.

i have been working out of town. I come home every two weeks. I know the chicks boyfriend lives out of town and comes home every weekend. I was driving home 8hrs to see my wife and then I felt like someone punched me in the gut. I had a vision that the boyfriend brought someone with him this time and my wife was hanging out with them. I’ve met the guy one time but know there story. I know this chick is bad news for my marriage cuz for one she is a cheater. 

Sure enough my wife mentions that his brother was there and tells me about a joke they made. 
Honestly I thought every was going perfect, wife and kids are supposed to move to where my job is this weekend. 
Sadly I’ve seen this person my wife was this weekend before.

years ago out of the blue she turned into thisperson who wanted a separation and made me out to be the most vile person in the world and couldn’t stand my face. Turned out she was having an affair at work and had some new single and divorced friends.

I was shocked that my wife flipped on me just like that in one day. I will see her Sunday. I’m worried about what is about to drop. I feel like something was going on and this was planned to make me the bad guy. And also if she’s about to ditch me she figured she would party it up.
Iam I over thinking this. This was her break from the kids and maybe she just needed a realease but the ignoring me and blowing me off is way out of character. 
Sorry for the rambling. We will see if she even talks to me tommorow.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

It is almost like you copied and pasted some of your 2015 post into here. Have you gone back and read that thread again? Why the hell would you let yourself be treated like that in the first place and now why the hell would you let yourself be treated like it again?

Ignoring you and blowing you off is NOT way out of character, read your 2015 thread again. You said she hated the sight of you, had no remorse and so on.

Leaving your young children with others whilst she is out all night is not way out of character either. Is she a fit mother? Are you worried about who she abandoned them with in 2015 and now? Aren’t you concerned that your children are actually in some sort of potential danger here and that you should be looking for custody?

What I would be asking myself is why would I want to stay with this disrespectful woman?

The next question I would be asking myself is why the hell aren’t I going out to bars when I am working away and spending my time with single women until early hours of the morning?

Without sounding like some macho idiot. MAN, YOU REALLY NEED TO GROW A PAIR and not be walked all over again.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Your wife, a known cheater, is hanging out with other known cheaters and partying to the wee hours of the morning while refusing to answer your calls. And then is gaslighting you and treating you like trash, JUST like when she cheated before?

Why aren’t you doing something!?! Seriously the first night she didn’t return your calls and stayed out all night and refused to tell you what was going on... you should have gone nuclear on her ass. Her behavior is inexcusable for any wife, but especially a cheater wife.


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## Ar2124 (Jul 12, 2015)

your right, I do need to go back and read, everything has just been going so smooth since all that I think I kind of fell asleep and stopped seeing the signs. among ruggsweeping I’m sure she has just been hiding her true self and meeting this friend brought it back out.


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## Ar2124 (Jul 12, 2015)

Your right she gaslighted me when I did get her to answer like I was being jealous and controlling and got me to back off, and I never heard from her again tonight.


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## Ar2124 (Jul 12, 2015)

I left a text since she won’t answer. We will see what goes down tommorow.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Please don’t play the pick me game, allow yourself to be gaslighted or put up with her blaming you.

Be assertive, take charge and don’t be afraid to kick her to the curb. You may even find she likes the part of you.


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## Ar2124 (Jul 12, 2015)

man it’s sucks. I know she will gaslight me. The first night she said she didn’t have phone signal,when I tracked her phone all night so I know she’s lying.
When she answered today and *****ed me out she said she was leaving graduation. She was actually in the parking lot of a marina Resteraunt. Said she was leaving grad to find somewhere to eat. I looked up the Resteraunt and it was closed. Unless there’s another Resteraunt that doesn’t show on maps She was in that parking lot for an hour to hour and a half. And then preceded to the bar. Highly likely something happened there. 

She is still out of town, I’m thinking about a var in the room. Really not many places to hide it. Though. And I’ll be out of town.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Ar2124 said:


> I’m thinking about a var in the room. Really not many places to hide it. Though.


Do you really need more information?


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

I am very sorry you are finding out about all this.

This isn’t a marriage, it’s an abusive relationship that she is putting you through.

Is her behaviour the sort that you would want your kids to be around? I think they may need protecting and you should consider going for custody.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Ar2124 I think I see what your wife has done









Time for you to hire this guy


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## Ar2124 (Jul 12, 2015)

Thanks for the responses. I guess the writings on the wall, her lies are paper thin. The f d up part is I paid for her to go on this trip.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Look at it as the last free trip she’ll take on your dime.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Continue to snoop and document.
Say nothing, just observe and listen.

Catch her red-handed, cheating. 
That should be easy, she is being careless.

Use a VAR and a friend to act as a PI.
Or, hire one.

Why?

Not to know she is cheating, but to prove (to others) she is cheating.

Tell your children and family, show them the proof.
The embarrassment, alone for her, should be sufficient.

Be done with her, let others be aware and done with her.

That will be your reward, sad, as it is.


_Nemesis-_


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Ar2124 said:


> man it’s sucks. I know she will gaslight me. The first night she said she didn’t have phone signal,when I tracked her phone all night so I know she’s lying.
> When she answered today and *****ed me out she said she was leaving graduation. She was actually in the parking lot of a marina Resteraunt. Said she was leaving grad to find somewhere to eat. I looked up the Resteraunt and it was closed. Unless there’s another Resteraunt that doesn’t show on maps She was in that parking lot for an hour to hour and a half. And then preceded to the bar. Highly likely something happened there.
> 
> She is still out of town, I’m thinking about a var in the room. Really not many places to hide it. Though. And I’ll be out of town.


Why do you need a conversation about this? She’s made her motivations perfectly clear. Don’t engage with her at all and see a lawyer on Monday.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Others have gone to your 2015 thread.

Wow!

Is she an entitled cheater and stinker, or what? !

Big time, ah, no, little time, you are her back-up and her forgiving banker.

Are we 'still' wasting our breath in telling you to divorce her and dump her.

Remember, once they are married to you for 10 years, it is lifetime alimony in many states.

We cannot divorce her.
Only, you can.

Do it, can her for good. 

Take your kids and move away from her. 
At first, a few hundred miles, same state.

If she does not fight you for custody, (later) might as well make it two thousand.
Make seeing you and the kids too expensive and too inconvenient.

She has no love and use for the kids, as it is.
She never did.

She lives for bar-fly compliments and those ready-Freddy penises.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You are where you are because, basically, you are, (sorry to tell you), exactly as your wife sees you: a weak individual for whom she has not respect, because she knows that she can **** on you and you would take it, just like you've been taking it. 

You didn't do a thing in 2015 when you should had kicked her out of your life and judging from your responses you won't do a thing this time other than *****ing about it.

Dude: have some self respect, what she have been doing this time is enough for any self respecting man that call himself a man to already have filed for divorce. You on the other hand , all you've done is ***** like a dog that has no teeth to bite. 

Man up, kick her to the curb already for Christ's sake.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

File for divorce and have her served while she's on the trip. And go no contact.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

She sounds like hard work and disrespectful to you. She is acting like a single woman. Get as much evidence as you can if she is cheating. VAR where you know she talks on the phone, in certain rooms, under car seat but she mustn't find them. Maybe hire a pi and get photographic evidence also, then serve her with divorce papers. Don't let her know you are on to her. Also see a solicitor and get advice etc. Can you get into her phone and read text messages? Maybe accidentally break her phone screen and tell her you will get it fixed, then find someone with experience getting all texts including deleted ones and call records. You deserve someone who loves and respects you. She is using you and treating you like ****. That's my opinion and I'm a woman. Keep us posted and good luck.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

And no you are not overthinking this. 

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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

AR, how'd it go when she got back from the trip?

Although you are concerned about your wife's new cheating friend being a bad influence on her, knowing your wife's history, maybe your wife is the bad influence and had something to do with the friend's demise.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Ar2124 said:


> man it’s sucks. I know she will gaslight me. The first night she said she didn’t have phone signal,when I tracked her phone all night so I know she’s lying.
> When she answered today and *****ed me out she said she was leaving graduation. She was actually in the parking lot of a marina Resteraunt. Said she was leaving grad to find somewhere to eat. I looked up the Resteraunt and it was closed. Unless there’s another Resteraunt that doesn’t show on maps She was in that parking lot for an hour to hour and a half. And then preceded to the bar. Highly likely something happened there.
> 
> She is still out of town, I’m thinking about a var in the room. Really not many places to hide it. Though. And I’ll be out of town.


Why buddy? You already know she’s a damn cheater and now you want to take what she’s serving you and feel the need to go detective?
Why? Whhyyyyyyy?
Just do what you should’ve done years ago or be cuckolded and accept your life as that.

there is no other option.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Just read your old post again and I want to slap some sense into you, to try and get you to see you are actually being used and abused by this woman. I hope you wake up and see that you are worth much much more. You deserve better than this. You should read through your old post as though it was a friends post, and what you would advise him. 

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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

I have to agree with you there.... that chick is bad influence on your wife! Maybe move away? So the aren't that close and it would be hard to see that chick. Or sit down and talk to your wife and tell her how you feel


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Ar2124 said:


> your right, I do need to go back and read, everything has just been going so smooth since all that I think I kind of fell asleep and stopped seeing the signs. among ruggsweeping I’m sure she has just been hiding her true self and meeting this friend brought it back out.


I know nothing of this 2015 thread....it sounds as if she cheated on you before?
You chose to stay with a cheater.....how is that working for you?
Hanging out at bars until 3?
This is not a marriage.
I would be gone if my wife did this one time.
You sound passive though. She knows you won't do anything. She walks all over you.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

People like her generally do what you let them get away with. Show her you won't. See a lawyer.


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