# 6 Reasons Why Women Freak Out About Porn



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Preface: I didn’t write this. It came from a daily newsletter I get written by Scot McKay. I suspect he probably has posted here but I don’t know his username. I understand the allure but I’m not pro pornography.

*6 REASONS WHY WOMEN FREAK OUT OVER PORN 

Removed due to potential copyright violation.*


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

He has fair points, but I don't care for the general women are unreasonable but you can at least understand them tone.

The claim that the uglier she is the more she'll object is pretty condescending and a great example of this tone. Insecurity certainly can be a factor, but the best looking women can in fact be the most insecure because they learn that their value as people is their looks.

Speaking for myself, I don't care for it but it has nothing to do with insecurity. I'm quite ok with my appearance...I just think it's bad for the couple bond.

So while I can appreciate some of what he says, it strikes me that his understanding of women isn't as great as he thinks.

PS: I hate romance novels and always have.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

For what its worth, I don't think "all" women freak out about porn.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I have never understood the appeal of porn...or strippers for that matter.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> For what its worth, I don't think "all" women freak out about porn.


There's also a lot of area between not caring for it and freaking out.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> There's also a lot of area between not caring for it and freaking out.


Exactly! I don't like golf but I don't freak out if its on TV.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I think what really pees them off is how quickly these porn stars can get a plumber to call to their house.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Andy1001 said:


> I think what really pees them off is how quickly these porn stars can get a plumber to call to their house.


Or pizza delivery.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> The claim that the uglier she is the more she'll object is pretty condescending and a great example of this tone. Insecurity certainly can be a factor, but the best looking women can in fact be the most insecure because they learn that their value as people is their looks.


The most beautiful woman I ever dated (she would have made Bo Derek envious, all kidding aside) was the most insecure about her looks. It was so bizarre to me that I'd regularly find myself speechless in response.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> For what its worth, I don't think "all" women freak out about porn.


Its not about freaking out, its about being hurt and feeling betrayed. About being disrespected.
Its just not something I want in my marriage. Men are free to act how they like and watch porn but I would never marry any of them.
As for the comment about how all men will look at a picture of a semi naked woman if they are suddenly presented with it, that's irrelevant to men choosing to watch it. I mean if I see a woman walk along with her boobs hanging out, I would notice because you can't really avoid it and believe me I am completely hetro-sexual.

Only 1, 4 and a little of no 6 apply to me.

Plus I never read romance novels.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It seems that the vast majority of men and women watch porn. According to Psychology Today, "In terms of basic results, they found that 73 percent of women and *98 percent* of men reported internet porn use in the last six months, for a total of 85 percent of respondents. For porn use within the last week, the numbers were lower: 80 percent of men and 26 percent of women."

IMO, if you're not neglecting each other sexually, or having unrealistic expectations based on porn viewing, then it isn't a problem. Each couple will have their own standards and issues and should discuss it before marriage (along with MANY other things).

*Forty-four percent* of married women said they currently use a sex toy or had done so in the past. The most commonly used sex toy was a vibrator. IMO, women have their toys, and men have porn. It seems a normal part of human nature.

In fact: "Pornography existed long before video or even photography, and many researchers think evolution predisposed humans for visual arousal (It's a lot easier to pass on your genes if the sight of other naked humans turns you on, after all). Whichever way you slice it, the diversity of pornographic materials throughout history suggests that human beings have always been interested in images of sex. Lots and lots of sex." In the 1800s, the idea of porn for porn's sake began to spread. Erotic novels had been in print since at least the mid-1600s in France. Pornography has been around forever in human culture. The prehistoric sculpture of a rather voluptuous woman is the earliest surviving erotic depiction we have. It’s 26,000 years old.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Quad73 said:


> The most beautiful woman I ever dated (she would have made Bo Derek envious, all kidding aside) was the most insecure about her looks. It was so bizarre to me that I'd regularly find myself speechless in response.


That's not unusual from what I have heard. Security is about what is inside a person not what is outside.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> He has fair points, but I don't care for the general women are unreasonable but you can at least understand them tone.
> 
> The claim that the uglier she is the more she'll object is pretty condescending and a great example of this tone. Insecurity certainly can be a factor, but the best looking women can in fact be the most insecure because they learn that their value as people is their looks.
> 
> ...


I was having similar thoughts.

Anecdotally, I've known a few objectively very attractive women who were very unaccepting of porn and felt insecure about it.

I've also known some objectively below average in looks women who were as wild as any sailor and had no issues with porn at all.

He might have a couple of points but he's also promoting something I'm very much against.

I did agree with his point about watching dirty movies being just a tad different than actual infidelity.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> It seems that the vast majority of men and women watch porn. According to Psychology Today, "In terms of basic results, they found that 73 percent of women and *98 percent* of men reported internet porn use in the last six months, for a total of 85 percent of respondents. For porn use within the last week, the numbers were lower: 80 percent of men and 26 percent of women.


Not easy to find one of the 2%.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Exactly! I don't like golf but I don't freak out if its on TV.


I do. I hate watching golf!!!!!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I was having similar thoughts.
> 
> Anecdotally, I've known a few objectively very attractive women who were very unaccepting of porn and felt insecure about it.
> 
> ...


Its a tad different but its still a form of cheating when you focus your sexual energies on others outside your marriage.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I guess I didn’t interpret it as being pro pornography, mostly because I’ve listened to enough of his podcasts and read his material to know he’s not a pornography apologist although probably not strictly anti-pornography.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

He forgot the most important one: sex trafficking, enslavement and exploitation.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Its a tad different but its still a form of cheating when you focus your sexual energies on others outside your marriage.


It definitely has had negative impacts but it is an entire world away from becoming one flesh with someone you're not supposed to.

I've seen ridiculous levels of destruction caused by dimwitted clergy that literally compared a wife having actual intercourse with her AP as equivalent to her husband watching a dirty movie.

It is vital to be able to rationally differentiate.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He forgot the most important one: sex trafficking, enslavement and exploitation.


Definitely agree here. Romance novels don't involve real people, willing or otherwise.

I'm on the fence about cartoons but I can say they aren't in the same category as real people being involved.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I am blessed to have a lady who not only enjoys the occasional porn watching together, but also understands it's just visual stimulation. When I first started dating her in early 20s, I found out she had a bigger stash than me 🤣.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Sometimes I feel like I’m trolling when I’m honestly not. This post pissed another off so much that they took it to another thread.

Peace. I’m Out.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> Sometimes I feel like I’m trolling when I’m honestly not. This post pissed another off so much that they took it to another thread.
> 
> Peace. I’m Out.


Try not to take it too harshly. You can post simple facts and immediately get negative posts assuming that is what your position is. But remember that facts don't care about feelings 🙂


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Try not to take it too harshly. You can post simple facts and immediately get negative posts assuming that is what your position is. But remember that facts don't care about feelings 🙂


Agreed. The forum in general seems to be a bit hostile lately. Maybe its the weather?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Definitely agree here. Romance novels don't involve real people, willing or otherwise.
> 
> I'm on the fence about cartoons but I can say they aren't in the same category as real people being involved.


Romance novels, the kind men liken to porn, are so insipid that they have always made me gag. I was desperate for reading material when young living with parents, and my mom read different things, but that was one of them. I couldn't get through them. The formula was demeaning to women, I thought. Always had to end up with the woman "surrendering." 🤮. My young rip-roaring cowgirl ass wasn't relating to that at all. But at least they don't promote sex work and cheating. The worst they do is exploit idealism.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Romance novels, the kind men liken to porn, are so insipid that they have always made me gag. I was desperate for reading material when young living with parents, and my mom read different things, but that was one of them. I couldn't get through them. The formula was demeaning to women, I thought. Always had to end up with the woman "surrendering." 🤮. My young rip-roaring cowgirl ass wasn't relating to that at all. But at least they don't promote sex work and cheating. The worst they do is exploit idealism.


A common fantasy, not yours obviously, is to be taken. I've always been an avid reader and was both bemused and repulsed by most of them.

My grandmother, believe it or not, actually gave me a pretty good series with a country theme. I think she might have been trying to help me in her own way when growing into manhood. It did actually help.😉


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> A common fantasy, not yours obviously, is to be taken. I've always been an avid reader and was both bemused and repulsed by most of them.
> 
> My grandmother, believe it or not, actually gave me a pretty good series with a country theme. I think she might have been trying to help me in her own way when growing into manhood. It did actually help.😉


I would hope they have evolved some, but I have accidentally ended up with them at used book stores when trying to find, for example, ghost books, and that wasn't all that long ago, but unsure when they were written. I mean, it's the same stuff as is on the Hallmark channel, basically, formulaic stuff.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CallingDrLove said:


> Romance novels are nearly as popular with women as visual
> pornography is to men. That's all the proof you need of how
> all of this works.


Addressing this point from the OP. It’s not true that Romance novels are nearly as popular with women as visual pornography is to men. This is simply more stereotyping that has little to no basis in truth. The entire basis for this article you posted is nonsense.

73% of women and 98% of men reported internet porn use in the last six months, for a total of 85% of respondents. For porn use within the last week, the numbers were lower: 80% of men and 26% of women.
When Is Porn Use a Problem? | Psychology Today

Now how many women read romance novels? The percent is actually rather low. It’s far from “all women” or even “most women”.

84% of people who read romance novels are women
51,100,000 – the number of people who read romance novels
42,924,000 – the number of women who read romance novels (51,100,000 * 84%)
108,133,727 – the number of women over 18 in the USA
39.7% - the percentage of women in the USA who read romance novels (42,924,000 / 108,133,727)
39.7% of women read romance novels. 98% of men watch porn. There is a far difference between 39.7% and 98%.

This data basically renders everything said in the OP to nothing more than stereotyping.

United States Demographic Statistics | Infoplease
Romance Industry Statistics (electricka.com)
What You Need to Know About Romance Fiction Genre (thebalancecareers.com)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I am blessed to have a lady who not only enjoys the occasional porn watching together, but also understands it's just visual stimulation. When I first started dating her in early 20s, I found out she had a bigger stash than me 🤣.


I am blessed to have one of the apparently only 2% of guys who won't watch it. Result.😊


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> CallingDrLove said:
> 
> 
> > Romance novels are nearly as popular with women as visual
> ...


I don't believe reading a story and watching actual people have sex is really that equatable to begin with.

He was right about infidelity being different than watching porn but there have been a lot of men I've known saying it is so it's not just a trait of women.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Porn doesn't bother me in the least. Someone with a TRUE porn addiction would be a problem of course, but recreational use? Not at all.

But those insipid romance novels make me want to tear my eyelids off.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is an issue with porn use that is very concerning. Some men get to the point that they have what we often refer to as "porn addiction". When this happens they perfer porn to sex with a live woman. To them, porn is far more stimulating because of the variety, it's available at anytime they want it, etc. When this happens, the marriage becomes sexless, or near sexless. So yea, porn can be a real problem in marriage. 

I've also read studies that say that there is a real problem with a fair percentage of men in the younger generations because some of them have had access to porn from a very early age (10 years old or so). They learn to associate sex with porn and aren't able to form a good sexual relationship with a real, live women. Apparently, sex therapists cousel a lot of guys for this problem these days.


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## Bea22 (9 mo ago)

I have no problem with porn because I watch it too. Have since I was a teen. What I do have a problem with is when my husband lied to me over and over again about watching porn (dishonesty), trying to hide it and pretending to hate it. Meanwhile, he knew I watch it. When married you're supposed to be open about anything. The moment porn is done and there's a breach of trust/ honesty and the sex life is influenced by porn, its not right.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Quad73 said:


> The most beautiful woman I ever dated (she would have made Bo Derek envious, all kidding aside) was the most insecure about her looks. It was so bizarre to me that I'd regularly find myself speechless in response.


I believe it. Many super attractive women hold themselves to very high standards and obsess about tiny perceived imperfections.

It's hard for then to be satisfied.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

It has now been 65d since I have quit viewing porn. I’m almost feeling I’m on solid enough footing to condemn it. Maybe in two years time.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Numb26 said:


> I have never understood the appeal of porn...or strippers for that matter.


It’s not that hard to figure out. Nice bodies are fun to look at.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Definitely agree here. Romance novels don't involve real people, willing or otherwise.
> 
> I'm on the fence about cartoons but I can say they aren't in the same category as real people being involved.


Fabio isn’t real? Lol


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> I believe it. Many super attractive women hold themselves to very high standards and obsess about tiny perceived imperfections.
> 
> It's hard for then to be satisfied.


Interestingly I have seen it play out in the gym. 

Hot lady #1 thinks hot lady #2 looks better and gets more attention. Objectively #1 is smoking hot, however she trips out on #2 and then drama ensues. These are all people who are in extreme fitness levels like 3 standard deviations for their age bracket and look amazing.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He forgot the most important one: sex trafficking, enslavement and exploitation.


What about women who just like making money, are exhibitionists, and like their x rated jobs? Just asking.
There’s been plenty of prostitutes for thousands of years. All aren’t coersed.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Fabio isn’t real? Lol


Remember when he did the "I can't believe its not butter" commercial?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> What about women who just like making money, are exhibitionists, and like their x rated jobs? Just asking.
> There’s been plenty of prostitutes for thousands of years. All aren’t coersed.


Where did I say they were? Of course psychologists have known for decades that at least 80% of voluntary sex workers do it because of past abuse.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> What about women who just like making money, are exhibitionists, and like their x rated jobs? Just asking.
> There’s been plenty of prostitutes for thousands of years. All aren’t coersed.


I always think of the huge web cam sex business now where couples are doing it together for both fun and money. Thats porn but no one is forcing them AND they ARE benefiting from it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Remember when he did the "I can't believe its not butter" commercial?


Too funny! Yes. How do people remember that zaniness.??


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

The writer is entitled to his opinion. If you want to know what women actually think/feel, you'll get more accurate answers from... well... women.🤷‍♀️


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> Fabio isn’t real? Lol


He looks like SpongeBob SquarePants in person. He was on display at a convention I went to once in the 90s. His face is huge and square.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He looks like SpongeBob SquarePants in person. He was on display at a convention I went to once in the 90s. His face is huge and square.


Did they have a no touching sign?


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Preface: I didn’t write this. It came from a daily newsletter I get written by Scot McKay. I suspect he probably has posted here but I don’t know his username. I understand the allure but I’m not pro pornography.


I really, honestly don't think it would bother me so much if we had a more active sex life.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Did they have a no touching sign?


I felt humiliated for him the same way I felt humiliated for strippers when I first went to a strip club. He was sitting on a big chair just being paid to be there and it had to just be awkward.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

This article kind of rubs me the wrong way. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's because of things like the following:


CallingDrLove said:


> 6 REASONS WHY WOMEN FREAK OUT OVER PORN


This should be instead titled: 6 Reasons Why A MAN THINKS Women Freak Out Over Porn.


CallingDrLove said:


> Romance novels are nearly as popular with women as visual
> pornography is to men. That's all the proof you need of how
> all of this works.


Romance novels often put men up on a pedestal while porn often degrades women.
So, if the author's comparison is "proof" of anything, it's that if we were to pick one gender over the other as having piggish qualities, one gender would win by a landslide. Somehow I don't think that was the proof the author had in mind.


CallingDrLove said:


> Here's a fascinating observation I've made. The more sexually
> desirable a woman is to a larger cross-section of men, the less of
> a problem she tends to have with porn.


"Fascinating" indeed. I have to wonder where he has made such an observation about a "more sexually desirable woman" being more inclined to like porn? The strip club? In a porn video itself? In his imagination? Just rubbish.


CallingDrLove said:


> Meanwhile, more "average" or even straight-up unattractive women
> are far more likely to whack they're boyfriends or husbands upside
> the head with a rolling pin for watching it.


So, now it seems the author wants husbands and boyfriends to think that their "average" looking or "unattractive" wife or girlfriend stops him from watching porn because she's blah looking. Because, you know, a lifetime of being told by magazines and such that women should look airbrushed just didn't send the message home and we need our spouse to get on board with it too. Does this guy have sisters? A mother?

Sidenote: He says "average", I think the "girl next door" look. He says "straight-up unattractive", I think he's never heard "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."


CallingDrLove said:


> 4) They actually consider it cheating, in and of itself


Actually, women are not the only ones who do, at least in certain circumstances:
Snippet below from Psychology Today: Does Watching Porn Count As Cheating?
_This means that it might be just fine for one partner to look at porn (or to engage in some other form of extramarital sexual activity), as long as the other partner knows about this behavior and is OK with it. If, however, one partner is looking at porn (or engaging in some other form of extramarital sexual activity) and keeping it secret, or if the other partner knows about it and doesn’t find it acceptable, then the behavior is cheating._


CallingDrLove said:


> But at the very least, you'll be armed with the knowledge of
> exactly what goes through women's heads when they imagine
> you watching it.


And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.

JMO!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> It has now been 65d since I have quit viewing porn. I’m almost feeling I’m on solid enough footing to condemn it. Maybe in two years time.


You go my man!👍


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Remember when he did the "I can't believe its not butter" commercial?


I have imitated that commercial a lot over the years for the enjoyment of Mrs. C and myself. We dissolve into fits of laughter over it.😆


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I felt humiliated for him the same way I felt humiliated for strippers when I first went to a strip club. He was sitting on a big chair just being paid to be there and it had to just be awkward.


Was there a fan on him blowing that hair back in the breeze? Lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)




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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> Was there a fan on him blowing that hair back in the breeze? Lol


Probably, but I can't remember!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'm a woman. I have never "freaked out" over either of my husbands watching porn. To quote my often-used phrase: Your life. Your choice.

The only time I had an issue with porn was when Husband #2 got our computer infected with a nasty virus from a porn site. It wasn't the site per se that annoyed me - it was paying our friend who owned a computer repair company to clean up the mess.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

The only reason a woman should have problems with porn if porn negatively affects their relationship or a marriages and becoming an addiction. It is no difference as any other addiction like an alcohol. Just because there are alcoholics out their does not mean you should ban your husband from drinking completely. 

Only stupid insecure women can be jealous of porn or try to compare themselves with porn star. However this insecurity won't end with porn. They will be jealous of your being around any pretty girl. An you need to be completely insane to consider porn cheating.

My wife never had problems with me watching porn. I can honestly tell, I never ever fantasized about any porn actress. All my fantasies are about my wife. Even if I was given 100 of these porn stars I would not even get aroused.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Porn is a bit overrated... I'd rather have pizza.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Where did I say they were? Of course psychologists have known for decades that at least 80% of voluntary sex workers do it because of past abuse.


Many have very low self esteem and actually hate sex as well.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

romantic_dreamer said:


> The only reason a woman should have problems with porn if porn negatively affects their relationship or a marriages and becoming an addiction. It is no difference as any other addiction like an alcohol. Just because there are alcoholics out their does not mean you should ban your husband from drinking completely.
> 
> Only stupid insecure women can be jealous of porn or try to compare themselves with porn star. However this insecurity won't end with porn. They will be jealous of your being around any pretty girl. An you need to be completely insane to consider porn cheating.
> 
> My wife never had problems with me watching porn. I can honestly tell, I never ever fantasized about any porn actress. All my fantasies are about my wife. Even if I was given 100 of these porn stars I would not even get aroused.


So if watching porn doesn't get you aroused, why on earth would you watch it?
Of course porn negatively affects the marriage. Thats pretty easy to see. 

Honestly you have no clue about why some of us don't want porn in our marriages. No. clue. at. all.
You call us all 'stupid and insecure'. So is my husband stupid and insecure because he doesn't watch porn? Because neither of us do? He is a scientist with a phd and probably the most secure man I have ever met, and the most decent.
He understands that its not what either of us want in our marriage. Nil to do with insecurity or jealousy or comparing ourselves. Its about our love and respect for each other, wanting no one else in our marriage/sex life.
Oh and I spend no time at all worrying about him being around other women, attractive or not.
We do both see it as a form of cheating, its putting sexual energies into someone apart from each other. That's not what we signed up for.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> Porn is a bit overrated... I'd rather have pizza.


This is very true!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Joke by Gary Delany about the director's cut of a porn film. He actually fixes the washing machine.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> So if watching porn doesn't get you aroused, why on earth would you watch it?
> Of course porn negatively affects the marriage. Thats pretty easy to see.
> 
> Honestly you have no clue about why some of us don't want porn in our marriages. No. clue. at. all.
> ...


Not advocating for or against porn, to get that out there. 

That's great, and is you two's choice. 
But not all are of the same mind. Many have a bit of porn or whatever, and it's not causing emotional, M problems, sex quality or frequency problems and it's just not an issue as both spouses aren't lying or being deceptive to each other.
Some people do watch porn, W, H, or as a couple and some don't. Just a fact. And that's their choice, so ok there too.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I am blessed to have one of the apparently only 2% of guys who won't watch it. Result.😊


To each their own. We enjoy porn on Movie Night each 3 months or so. Lights a fire


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> So if watching porn doesn't get you aroused, why on earth would you watch it?


I also watch hockey and do not get aroused.


Diana7 said:


> Of course porn negatively affects the marriage. Thats pretty easy to see.


This is your biased opinion. My wife and I watch porn sometimes and we enjoy it. An we have wonderful marriage and sex life. My wife would never get jealous of any porn stars or any other women. She knows that I would never even compare her to any of them. She is the most beautiful and sexy woman for me and I only desire her.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I also watch hockey and do not get aroused.



Wait a minute now....I DO get aroused watching hockey!

AND since its the start of the playoffs, my wife would likely rather have me watch porn than hockey as the playoff run until June! I actually look forward to her saying 'No' to sex now so I can be sure not to miss a game!


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Personally I’ve never known a woman to freak out about porn.
My XW liked porn.
My wife and I have watched it.
Porn not for me: Boring, fake, too unrealistic, no plot, bad acting, not enough natural covering, can’t stand the prepub look. 🤢



Numb26 said:


> I have never understood the appeal of porn...or strippers for that matter.


I was called last minute by owner of limo to chauffeur a Bachelor party many years ago.
Cause I didn’t really want to do it, and last minute all expenses paid.
At strip club they went to I went in to get some coffee. They wanted me to sit with them for a while.
I did to watch the people, and them.

They had offered to pay for lap dance. I said hell no. They paid one to come over and and give me a lap dance anyway.
I told her ”NO!” She thought I was 🙃 and put her hands on me. 
I adamantly, and in no uncertain terms reiterated I had my wife at home, I wasn’t the tiniest bit interested, and she had better back off.

I’ve had people I don’t know say, “I know so-so who was in bachelor party. They said they thought you was gonna punch her.”
Was talking to a woman a while back and she said you’re that guy who chaffuered the bachelor party and almost went ballistic on stripper to get her away from you aren’t you? 😳 
Seems it’s a subject of talk and consternation between them to this day. 🤷🏼‍♂️


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

red oak said:


> Personally I’ve never known a woman to freak out about porn.
> My XW liked porn.
> My wife and I have watched it.
> Porn not for me: Boring, fake, too unrealistic, no plot, bad acting, not enough natural covering, can’t stand the prepub look. 🤢
> ...


The whole thing seems like a waste of money and time. I would rather actually have sex.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Many have very low self esteem and actually hate sex as well.


Yes. They were hypersexualized in childhood or adolescence by either someone in their household or close 
vicinity who had bad boundaries or was straight up criminal. It led them to believe that their only worth and power was sex.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

romantic_dreamer said:


> The only reason a woman should have problems with porn if porn negatively affects their relationship or a marriages and becoming an addiction. It is no difference as any other addiction like an alcohol. Just because there are alcoholics out their does not mean you should ban your husband from drinking completely.
> 
> Only stupid insecure women can be jealous of porn or try to compare themselves with porn star. However this insecurity won't end with porn. They will be jealous of your being around any pretty girl. An you need to be completely insane to consider porn cheating.
> 
> My wife never had problems with me watching porn. I can honestly tell, I never ever fantasized about any porn actress. All my fantasies are about my wife. Even if I was given 100 of these porn stars I would not even get aroused.


Well I'll believe you about your wife but you're very wrong about other women.

My wife gets insecure even though I'm not into porn and she isn't stupid.

A lot of people feel insecure and a lot of women have insecurities and body image issues.

They aren't stupid. I do agree that my wife and other women don't need to feel insecure about how us husbands view them because most of us in successful and long term marriages genuinely love and are attracted to our wives without comparing them unfavorably.

That doesn't make them stupid to feel insecure or jealous especially about porn.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Wait a minute now....I DO get aroused watching hockey!
> 
> AND since its the start of the playoffs, my wife would likely rather have me watch porn than hockey as the playoff run until June! I actually look forward to her saying 'No' to sex now so I can be sure not to miss a game!


Playoff hockey is great


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> The whole thing seems like a waste of money and time. I would rather actually have sex.


That takes work man. 😏


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> That takes work man. 😏


I forgot, these men are lazy.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Playoff hockey is great


And as a Rush fan, I am sure you have seen "Fire on Ice"


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Wait a minute now....I DO get aroused watching hockey!


What about pickleball...


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> And as a Rush fan, I am sure you have seen "Fire on Ice"


Oh yes


----------



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Well I'll believe you about your wife but you're very wrong about other women.
> 
> My wife gets insecure even though I'm not into porn and she isn't stupid.
> 
> ...


People who are insecure will be insecure in many different situations. A woman who is insecure because her husband watches porn will be insecure when her husband is around any remotely attractive woman.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

romantic_dreamer said:


> People who are insecure will be insecure in many different situations. A woman who is insecure because her husband watches porn will be insecure when her husband is around any remotely attractive woman.


I was actually just correcting you on the"stupid" remark and giving examples of women, who might get insecure or jealous, as not being stupid.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I also watch hockey and do not get aroused.
> 
> This is your biased opinion. My wife and I watch porn sometimes and we enjoy it. An we have wonderful marriage and sex life. My wife would never get jealous of any porn stars or any other women. She knows that I would never even compare her to any of them. She is the most beautiful and sexy woman for me and I only desire her.


Yes, her opinion was biased. And your opinion is also biased.

Just because some women might feel differently about porn than you and your wife do does not make them stupid or anything else derogatory, as per your previous post.

There are a lot of people who have insecurities, sometimes they are warranted due to their life circumstances. It does not make them stupid.

I wonder, can we all share opinions here without name calling?

We have had a fair number of men post here on TAM very upset that their wife talks to a handsome man, or because she uses a vibrator when he's not having sex with her. We've even had a few guys post here that are greatly upset when their wife watches porn without them. It's ok for people to have different points of view.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, her opinion was biased. And your opinion is also biased.
> 
> Just because some women might feel differently about porn than you and your wife do does not make them stupid or anything else derogatory, as per your previous post.
> 
> ...


absolutely. If we all had the same point of view, boring world. Plus, points of view can change. I know they have for wife and I over the years in many different categories.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romantic_dreamer said:


> People who are insecure will be insecure in many different situations. A woman who is insecure because her husband watches porn will be insecure when her husband is around any remotely attractive woman.


If you have done much reading here on TAM, a LOT of men are very insecure if their wife is around an attractive man. There are posts about this all the time. And most of the men here agree that these guys are right to be concerned about it.

Most people have insecurities of one sort or another.

Some women have very good reason to have issues with porn because a fair number of men prefer porn to sex with their wife. A lot of men who watch a lot of porn constantly compare the wife sexually to porn actress and expect their wife to do things they saw in porn and to act like a porn star.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> If you have done much reading here on TAM, a LOT of men are very insecure if their wife is around an attractive man. There are posts about this all the time. And most of the men here agree that these guys are right to be concerned about it.
> 
> Most people have insecurities of one sort or another.
> 
> Some women have very good reason to have issues with porn because a fair number of men prefer porn to sex with their wife. A lot of men who watch a lot of porn constantly compare the wife sexually to porn actress and expect their wife to do things they saw in porn and to act like a porn star.


What you call insecurity I'd call male territoriality. Men know how men operate and are territorial when it comes to their family.

When it comes to porn, I'd think that it's that a lot of women whose men watch port imagine that the man is constantly comparing them. When the truth is he's just rubbing one out.
It's similar to men whose wife had many prior partners thinking she is constantly comparing his technique/equipment to former lovers. 

I'd also guess that with many of the men who prefer porn to sex with their wife, the root cause isn't the porn. It's something else, and the porn is the man's escape. Without the porn, he'd be fishing, or rebuilding a '71 mach one, or gardening, or brewing or some other escape. When a dead bedroom exists, the method of escape isn't really the point. The point is it's a problem that needs addressed at the root, not at the symptom.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> Porn is a bit overrated... I'd rather have pizza.


Or the pizza delivery person? Funny how pizza delivery got conflated with porn. There must be a meme ...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DownButNotOut said:


> What you call insecurity I'd call male territoriality. Men know how men operate and are territorial when it comes to their family.


And perhaps it's the same for a lot of women. Women are territorial as well. But it seems many cast that as insecurity when it's a woman doing it and manly territorial when women do it.



DownButNotOut said:


> When it comes to porn, I'd think that it's that a lot of women whose men watch port imagine that the man is constantly comparing them. When the truth is he's just rubbing one out.


Maybe a lot of men don't compare their wives to porn. But, a lot of men do compare their wives to porn because a fair number of men do tell their wives that they need to do what the female porn actresses do.

Some time ago there was a thread from some guy who went on at length that the reason that he loves porn and why a lot of men love porn is because porn actresses so clearly enjoy the sex with lots of moaning, etc. A lot of the men here on TAM agreed with him. They put down women in general for not enjoying sex as much as the porn actresses. They seem to ignore that fact that the actresses were acting, putting on a show to sell their product.



DownButNotOut said:


> It's similar to men whose wife had many prior partners thinking she is constantly comparing his technique/equipment to former lovers.


Yea, I can see that, to a point.



DownButNotOut said:


> I'd also guess that with many of the men who prefer porn to sex with their wife, the root cause isn't the porn. It's something else, and the porn is the man's escape. Without the porn, he'd be fishing, or rebuilding a '71 mach one, or gardening, or brewing or some other escape. When a dead bedroom exists, the method of escape isn't really the point. The point is it's a problem that needs addressed at the root, not at the symptom.


When porn is overused as an escape and creates a dead bedroom, the problem is that the porn satisfies the guy enough so that they are not motivated to work on the marital problems. It's so much easier to use porn and ignore the problems. It's the guys choice to do this. If he won't work on the marriage, the woman might as well file for divorce. It's his choice.

By the way, I'm not anti-porn as along as the people involved are not being abused in any way.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> Or the pizza delivery person? Funny how pizza delivery got conflated with porn. There must be a meme ...


LOL.... there must be a connection. Could it be someone's wet dream? 🤣 

This is a thread jack as well.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> To each their own. We enjoy porn on Movie Night each 3 months or so. Lights a fire


Its sad that you need porn to light a fire.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Its sad that you need porn to light a fire.


Diana, it's kind of not for you to state as a fact it's a sad, sad state of affairs that @Longtime Hubby exists in.

He said they as a couple they enjoy watching a bit of porn together every three mos approximately. 

Some folks probably get a bit racy after watching a couple episodes of Outlander. Is that sad too?


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Its sad that you need porn to light a fire.


What is sad is you feel the need to ridicule and judge others. If you read my post, you'll see we watch porn every 3 months or so to light a fire. We just got back from vacation. Fires were lit - without any porn - five times in eight days. I think that's pretty good for people in their early 60s. We have Movie Night for new inspiration. No harm in that.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Diana, it's kind of not for you to state as a fact it's a sad, sad state of affairs that @Longtime Hubby exists in.
> 
> He said they as a couple they enjoy watching a bit of porn together every three mos approximately.
> 
> Some folks probably get a bit racy after watching a couple episodes of Outlander. Is that sad too?


Thank you. We have plenty of fires lit without video assistance. To each their own.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Judgemental much? Jesus, you are becoming intolerable


she and Catholic Dad


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Diana, it's kind of not for you to state as a fact it's a sad, sad state of affairs that @Longtime Hubby exists in.
> 
> He said they as a couple they enjoy watching a bit of porn together every three mos approximately.
> 
> Some folks probably get a bit racy after watching a couple episodes of Outlander. Is that sad too?


It's sad that people can't enjoy sex without having to watch others first.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> It's sad that people can't enjoy sex without having to watch others first.


We don't HAVE TO watch others. We choose to. Big difference. Again, it's once every three months. I don't know why your are judging us. We enjoy it, four times a year, which when you think about it, is not very often. Smart money is that you and your husband would get turned on watching others. Give it a try. Loosen up.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Judgemental much? Jesus, you are becoming intolerable


I just know how many marriages are destroyed through porn. How much hurt is caused, how much damage it does, how many involved in the porn industry are damaged people. 
That's what is so sad. It's also sad that those of us who speak against it are attacked. Not surprising, but sad.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> It's sad that people can't enjoy sex without having to watch others first.


Kindly, there again you stated it's sad @Longtime Hubby and dear W can never ever enjoy sex without watching porn.

That's of course not the case from the facts I read in @Longtime Hubby 's case.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> We don't HAVE TO watch others. We choose to. Big difference. Again, it's once every three months. I don't know why your are judging us. We enjoy it, four times a year, which when you think about it, is not very often. Smart money is that you and your husband would get turned on watching others. Give it a try. Loosen up.


Nope we keep our sex life between us only. Thanks anyway.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I just know how many marriages are destroyed through porn. How much hurt is caused, how much damage it does, how many involved in the porn industry are damaged people.
> That's what is so sad. It's also sad that those of us who speak against it are attacked. Not surprising, but sad.


not attacking, just didn't care how judgmental, how and mighty you are and how you - basically - attacked me regarding this topic. Everyone has turns on, turn offs. Some that turn us on do nothing for you. And vice versa. What's the harm? We can't all be the same. And our marriage is not going to be destroyed watching an adult movie now and then.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> The whole thing seems like a waste of money and time.


Same here.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Nope we keep our sex life between us only. Thanks anyway.


And we all agree that's great too. Each to their own. That's most certainly ok. I think you've got a great guy and have a good sex life. I don't know for sure but from I read things are good. I like to hear success stories.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And we all agree that's great too. Each to their own. That's most certainly ok. I think you've got a great guy and have a good sex life. I don't know for sure but from I read things are good. I like to hear success stories.


I have got a great guy, and being here makes me realise how rare he is.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Many have very low self esteem and actually hate sex as well.


How do you know? Do you have a lot of friends who are porn stars, or have you been in the business yourself?


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DownButNotOut said:


> What you call insecurity I'd call male territoriality. Men know how men operate and are territorial when it comes to their family.
> 
> When it comes to porn, I'd think that it's that a lot of women whose men watch port imagine that the man is constantly comparing them. When the truth is he's just rubbing one out.
> It's similar to men whose wife had many prior partners thinking she is constantly comparing his technique/equipment to former lovers.
> ...


Those are escapes? I thought that was just what men do: build stuff or catch fish?


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Evinrude58 said:


> Those are escapes? I thought that was just what men do: build stuff or catch fish?


I'm talking about coping mechanisms. Ways of handling stress.

Healthy coping: keeping busy, self-humor, etc.

When men fight depression, unhealthy mechanisms are often used
Unhealthy: excessive internet, alcoholism, drugs, etc.

excessive porn is an unhealthy coping mechanism. 

Which is why I maintain that when porn is a problem, porn isn't the problem. It is a symptom of some stress in the man's life that he is dealing with poorly. To fix the porn use two things have to happen. The man needs to learn how to focus on more positive coping techniques. And the source of the stress has to be dealt with.

In an unhappy marriage, or dead bedroom, that source of stress is usually relationship related, and also is often blamed on his coping technique, not on the source of that stress.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Maybe a lot of men don't compare their wives to porn. And a lot of men do compare their wives to porn because a fair number of men do tell their wives that they need to do what the female porn actresses do.
> 
> Some time ago there was a thread from some guy who went on at length that the reason that he loves porn and why a lot of men love porn is because porn actresses so clearly enjoy the sex with lots of moaning, etc. A lot of the men here on TAM agreed with him. They put down women in general for not enjoying sex as much as the porn actresses. They seem to ignore that fact that the actresses were acting, putting on a show to sell their product.


I only vaguely recall that thread, but I don't think (or maybe hope) anyone was lamenting the fact that their partners don't enjoy sex as much as porn actresses. You have to be pretty dumb to not realize it is acting. What we do want is some of that enthusiasm, desire and passion they are portraying. The man owns a role in that too. They have to be able to help generate that desire and enthusiasm 



EleGirl said:


> When porn is overused as an escape and creates a dead bedroom, the problem is that the porn satisfies the guy enough so that they are not motivated to work on the marital problems. It's so much easier to use porn and ignore the problems. It's the guys choice to do this. If he won't work on the marriage, the woman might as well file for divorce. It's his choice.


This is definitely when it becomes a problem. I don't see a problem with porn filling in some gaps in your sex drive differences, but as soon as it starts taking away from the other partner it needs to stop. This can be a bit like the chicken and the egg though. Which came first, porn or the dead bedroom?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> How do you know? Do you have a lot of friends who are porn stars, or have you been in the business yourself?


It's common knowledge.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> When porn is overused as an escape and creates a dead bedroom, the problem is that the porn satisfies the guy enough so that they are not motivated to work on the marital problems. It's so much easier to use porn and ignore the problems. It's the guys choice to do this. If he won't work on the marriage, the woman might as well file for divorce. It's his choice.


I guess my only question about this would be what if the guy is trying and the woman is not? My wife tells me No a lot for sex when I initiate. More than 50% of the time. I constantly try to figure out what is wrong and what I can do to make it better. She tells me we are fine and she just isn't into sex like I am. She is fine with a few times a month and I am not. So I watch porn and take care of myself when she isn't in the mood. But many of you all already have heard this story.

So I would say my porn use is a result of my wife's lack of interest and its not "causing" my lack of interest towards her. Who knows maybe SHE is watching more porn than I am and is losing interest in ME because of it?

I know you likely have heard my story before so you probably understand. I just wanted to be clear its not always the guy who is ignoring the problem and just being lazy. Sometimes its just a release to maintain one's own sanity. My only other option is to get divorced and leave her behind which many have suggested here before.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I guess my only question about this would be what if the guy is trying and the woman is not? My wife tells me No a lot for sex when I initiate. More than 50% of the time. I constantly try to figure out what is wrong and what I can do to make it better. She tells me we are fine and she just isn't into sex like I am. She is fine with a few times a month and I am not. So I watch porn and take care of myself when she isn't in the mood. But many of you all already have heard this story.
> 
> So I would say my porn use is a result of my wife's lack of interest and its not "causing" my lack of interest towards her. Who knows maybe SHE is watching more porn than I am and is losing interest in ME because of it?
> 
> I know you likely have heard my story before so you probably understand. I just wanted to be clear its not always the guy who is ignoring the problem and just being lazy. Sometimes its just a release to maintain one's own sanity. My only other option is to get divorced and leave her behind which many have suggested here before.


I guess what my husband would say is that you don't need to watch porn to masturbate. Just as people have done throughout history.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I was going to say there were different motives than insecurity and jealousy for women getting riled about porn use but @EleGirl brought up being territorial and I think there's something to it.

I know a lot of women do come off as insecure or jealous but maybe a lot of it is feeling territorial about a husband's male gaze, lust and sexual energy being directed away from her.

If he is going to be hunting, she better be his prey.

Might be something to that.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> How do you know? Do you have a lot of friends who are porn stars, or have you been in the business yourself?


She's stating recorded data on this topic.

Women who sell themselves or who are sold for sex soon develop dislike or even hatred towards sex and men. It's extremely unhealthy on many levels for women to be prostituted.

Even strippers develop very damaged mentalities towards men and sex.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> So you are slumming here? Seeing all us guys who don't meet up with the high standard he has set? Why come here? Speaking for all the guys you painted with a very wide brush, I'm kinda hurt that we are seen in such a negative light by someone whom I'm not really sure has a reason to be here other than belittle us.


Well everyone comes here for very different reasons. 
I come here mainly because I am passionate about marriage. 
Many people here comment on how wonderful their spouse is. Not sure why I can't also acknowledge that? 
It's just that coming here has shown me that guys like him are rare. I guess I knew that to a point anyway, but it's made me realise that even more. 
I do know some other great guys, but in the wider world they are not that common.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> She's stating recorded data on this topic.
> 
> Women who sell themselves or who are sold for sex soon develop dislike or even hatred towards sex and men. It's extremely unhealthy on many levels for women to be prostituted.
> 
> Even strippers develop very damaged mentalities towards men and sex.


Not surprising when you think about it. Very sad also.
I saw a documentary about people who were involved in the making of porn years back. Some of the stories were heartbreaking. It's a very messed up industry that makes some people a lot of money while damaging so many others.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I guess my only question about this would be what if the guy is trying and the woman is not? My wife tells me No a lot for sex when I initiate. More than 50% of the time. I constantly try to figure out what is wrong and what I can do to make it better. She tells me we are fine and she just isn't into sex like I am. She is fine with a few times a month and I am not. So I watch porn and take care of myself when she isn't in the mood. But many of you all already have heard this story.
> 
> So I would say my porn use is a result of my wife's lack of interest and its not "causing" my lack of interest towards her. Who knows maybe SHE is watching more porn than I am and is losing interest in ME because of it?
> 
> I know you likely have heard my story before so you probably understand. I just wanted to be clear its not always the guy who is ignoring the problem and just being lazy. Sometimes its just a release to maintain one's own sanity. My only other option is to get divorced and leave her behind which many have suggested here before.


Yes, when you are in a sex starved marriage, porn is a great saviour. This is the truth for many men. The alternative is divorce and when you have kids and you will be financially ruined, you take the less painful way out.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

And to think, this thread has gone on for six pages and nobody has mentioned Dirk Diggler.😅😂🤣


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Yes, when you are in a sex starved marriage, porn is a great saviour. This is the truth for many men. The alternative is divorce and when you have kids and you will be financially ruined, you take the less painful way out.


Porn isn't the only other alternative to divorce.


----------



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> If you have done much reading here on TAM, a LOT of men are very insecure if their wife is around an attractive man. There are posts about this all the time. And most of the men here agree that these guys are right to be concerned about it.
> 
> Most people have insecurities of one sort or another.
> 
> Some women have very good reason to have issues with porn because a fair number of men prefer porn to sex with their wife. A lot of men who watch a lot of porn constantly compare the wife sexually to porn actress and expect their wife to do things they saw in porn and to act like a porn star.


People of either gender who have jealousy of an actress or an actor have fundamental problem and it has nothing to do with porn. These people will get jealous even without porn.

An men who want their wives to act like a porn star have fundamental problem. Porn is just a surface. I just can't imagine someone would be jealous of a porn actors, I wonder if they will be jealous of Sharon Stone when she spread her legs and showed he ***** in Basics Instinct? Does it means nobody can watch it now?

Porn is just an adult entertainment. It can be fun, it can add spice to intimacy. Can it ruin someone's life? Yes, of cause. But so it alcohol. Should we all stop drinking completely because there are alcoholics there?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Porn isn't the only other alternative to divorce.


I know… masturbation without porn…


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Porn isn't the only other alternative to divorce.





In Absentia said:


> I know… masturbation without porn…


Surely not, since I'm pretty certain she's referring to having other sex partners on the side.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Personal said:


> Surely not, since I'm pretty certain she's referring to having other sex partners on the side.


If you are using masturbation as a tool to save your marriage because of sex issues, doing it just as mechanical release is the most depressing thing in the world...  at least you can add a bit of fun to it. Seriously, it's very easy for people who have never experienced a dead bedroom situation to pontificate on how to survive it... and I'm not talking specifically about you @Personal or anybody body else. Just an observation.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> It's common knowledge.


I know someone in the industry....runs her own porn site. Someone I've known since 4th grade.

I don't know that her self esteem is lower then average....she struggles with the same thing a lot of women struggle with. I suspect she's in it because she dropped out of high school, doesn't have any other skills, and knows that sex sells. She's a lovely person but not that smart, although she was smart enough to have her site professionally designed.

Without her porn site she'd be on welfare. She says she has no trouble finding young women (she's a year older then me so 49) who want in.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I know someone in the industry....runs her own porn site. Someone I've known since 4th grade.
> 
> I don't know that her self esteem is lower then average....she struggles with the same thing a lot of women struggle with. I suspect she's in it because she dropped out of high school, doesn't have any other skills, and knows that sex sells. She's a lovely person but not that smart, although she was smart enough to have her site professionally designed.
> 
> Without her porn site she'd be on welfare. She says she has no trouble finding young women (she's a year older then me so 49) who want in.


I don't doubt it. The damage accrued has been pretty well documented though.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Some time ago there was a thread from some guy who went on at length that the reason that he loves porn and why a lot of men love porn is because porn actresses so clearly enjoy the sex with lots of moaning, etc. A lot of the men here on TAM agreed with him. They put down women in general for not enjoying sex as much as the porn actresses. They seem to ignore that fact that the actresses were acting, putting on a show to sell their product.


I was in Vegas at the end of March. When we got to our hotel room we heard some lady carrying on what must have been extremely loudly with her moaning and such and the guy was yelling too as he was delivering whatever he was doing. I was like damn that is nutty! It was as crazy as the craziest porn that I may have allegedly witnessed by accident.

I asked my wife, “Does that inspire you?” I got the squint and frown again…

Anyway she said that around 12:30 when I was passed out they went at it again the same way with the same vigor. So apparently some people are that loud.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> And to think, this thread has gone on for six pages and nobody has mentioned Dirk Diggler.😅😂🤣


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> Porn isn't the only other alternative to divorce.


Right. Other options are cheat, or delete.

Porn is a better alternative to either.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

ccpowerslave said:


> I was in Vegas at the end of March. When we got to our hotel room we heard some lady carrying on what must have been extremely loudly with her moaning and such and the guy was yelling too as he was delivering whatever he was doing. I was like damn that is nutty! It was as crazy as the craziest porn that I may have allegedly witnessed by accident.
> 
> I asked my wife, “Does that inspire you?” I got the squint and frown again…
> 
> Anyway she said that around 12:30 when I was passed out they went at it again the same way with the same vigor. So apparently some people are that loud.


It was Vegas. You know she was probably on the clock, right?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> I know… masturbation without porn…


yep. People have done it throughout history😉


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownButNotOut said:


> Right. Other options are cheat, or delete.
> 
> Porn is a better alternative to either.


Masturbate without porn is an alternative. 
As for it being a better alternative, I would rather be single that with a porn user so it's not a better option for some. 
It's all relative.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> yep. People have done it throughout history😉


I'm pretty sure I'd get perma-banned if I showed you the masturbation aids people have used throughout history.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> I know someone in the industry....runs her own porn site. Someone I've known since 4th grade.
> 
> I don't know that her self esteem is lower then average....she struggles with the same thing a lot of women struggle with. I suspect she's in it because she dropped out of high school, doesn't have any other skills, and knows that sex sells. She's a lovely person but not that smart, although she was smart enough to have her site professionally designed.
> 
> Without her porn site she'd be on welfare. She says she has no trouble finding young women (she's a year older then me so 49) who want in.


Yes lots of people will put money first. 
She wouldn't have to be on welfare, she could have got some sort of job.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I


DownButNotOut said:


> I'm pretty sure I'd get perma-banned if I showed you the masturbation aids people have used throughout history.


As you know it's totally different now with the internet. My dads porn mags seem so very tame compared to what is out there now.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> I
> 
> 
> As you know it's totally different now with the internet. My dads porn mags seem so very tame compared to what is out there now.


So you're cool with your husband having a girlie-mag collection? You know, for the articles?


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I
> 
> 
> As you know it's totally different now with the internet. My dads porn mags seem so very tame compared to what is out there now.


I’m not sure what’s out there anymore as it has been over two months since I last viewed any. I’m still haunted by the images I saw.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

@Diana7 


Diana7 said:


> Masturbate without porn is an alternative.
> As for it being a better alternative, I would rather be single that with a porn user so it's not a better option for some.
> It's all relative.


That was a great response. To the point and non-accusatory and non-broadstroking the entire male species. 🙂


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> @Diana7
> 
> That was a great response. To the point and non-accusatory and non-broadstroking the entire male species. 🙂


heheh ... you said "broadstroking" ... hehehe


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownButNotOut said:


> heheh ... you said "broadstroking" ... hehehe


I actually had that same thought as I checked the spelling!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownButNotOut said:


> So you're cool with your husband having a girlie-mag collection? You know, for the articles?


My dad had them. Mr D doesn't do porn. His choice.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> I was in Vegas at the end of March. When we got to our hotel room we heard some lady carrying on what must have been extremely loudly with her moaning and such and the guy was yelling too as he was delivering whatever he was doing. I was like damn that is nutty! It was as crazy as the craziest porn that I may have allegedly witnessed by accident.
> 
> I asked my wife, “Does that inspire you?” I got the squint and frown again…
> 
> Anyway she said that around 12:30 when I was passed out they went at it again the same way with the same vigor. So apparently some people are that loud.


There have been moments here that get rather noisy. it's okay if people get vocal. But not when the kids are in the house, LOL.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

In the pursuit of data, I will embarrass myself again.

I'm a very randy fellow and my Mrs cannot, and has almost never, been able to keep up with me with frequency and often duration.

I take care of business a lot so I don't lose my mind and start randomly molesting street signs.

I've already taken the edge off three times this morning and no porn was wanted or needed as usual.

Everyone trains there minds sexually. Everyone makes choices.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> In the pursuit of data, I will embarrass myself again.
> 
> I'm a very randy fellow and my Mrs cannot, and has almost never, been able to keep up with me with frequency and often duration.
> 
> ...


to each their own. So true. Good post.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> yep. People have done it throughout history😉


yes, this is what I used to do before porn...


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

If I had a very fulfilling sexual relationship, it wouldn't use porn. I do because I need a release from time to time and masturbating with little visual stimulation is a bit mechanical and not very satisfying IMO.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Diana, it's kind of not for you to state as a fact it's a sad, sad state of affairs that @Longtime Hubby exists in.
> 
> He said they as a couple they enjoy watching a bit of porn together every three mos approximately.
> 
> Some folks probably get a bit racy after watching a couple episodes of Outlander. Is that sad too?


Yes.😂


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> not attacking, just didn't care how judgmental, how and mighty you are and how you - basically - attacked me regarding this topic. Everyone has turns on, turn offs. Some that turn us on do nothing for you. And vice versa. What's the harm? We can't all be the same. And our marriage is not going to be destroyed watching an adult movie now and then.


Right. So I don't know why people can't accept that she has a different opinion than some. She's entitled to her opinion.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> How do you know? Do you have a lot of friends who are porn stars, or have you been in the business yourself?


Like me she's read plenty of research on the subject which goes back at least to the 1970s if not further and at one time could even be found in psychology textbooks.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I guess my only question about this would be what if the guy is trying and the woman is not? My wife tells me No a lot for sex when I initiate. More than 50% of the time. I constantly try to figure out what is wrong and what I can do to make it better. She tells me we are fine and she just isn't into sex like I am. She is fine with a few times a month and I am not. So I watch porn and take care of myself when she isn't in the mood. But many of you all already have heard this story.
> 
> So I would say my porn use is a result of my wife's lack of interest and its not "causing" my lack of interest towards her. Who knows maybe SHE is watching more porn than I am and is losing interest in ME because of it?
> 
> I know you likely have heard my story before so you probably understand. I just wanted to be clear its not always the guy who is ignoring the problem and just being lazy. Sometimes its just a release to maintain one's own sanity. My only other option is to get divorced and leave her behind which many have suggested here before.


There's nothing wrong. Your sex drive and her sex drive are different, and it's common knowledge that for the most part men are generally wanting sex more often than women. There are always exceptions. But she's not abnormal. And she doesn't need to make up for it unless she just wants to.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> I know someone in the industry....runs her own porn site. Someone I've known since 4th grade.
> 
> I don't know that her self esteem is lower then average....she struggles with the same thing a lot of women struggle with. I suspect she's in it because she dropped out of high school, doesn't have any other skills, and knows that sex sells. She's a lovely person but not that smart, although she was smart enough to have her site professionally designed.
> 
> Without her porn site she'd be on welfare. She says she has no trouble finding young women (she's a year older then me so 49) who want in.


Why did she drop out of high school?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ccpowerslave said:


> I was in Vegas at the end of March. When we got to our hotel room we heard some lady carrying on what must have been extremely loudly with her moaning and such and the guy was yelling too as he was delivering whatever he was doing. I was like damn that is nutty! It was as crazy as the craziest porn that I may have allegedly witnessed by accident.
> 
> I asked my wife, “Does that inspire you?” I got the squint and frown again…
> 
> Anyway she said that around 12:30 when I was passed out they went at it again the same way with the same vigor. So apparently some people are that loud.


Yes, some people are that loud. It's ok if that's their natural way of responding to pleasure.

Some people are not that loud and it's not their natural way of responding to pleasure.

I've read enough interviews from porn actresses to know that a lot of what they portray is simply an act. They are not all that turned on in most of the videos they produce. It's an act in exchange for money and fame.

The issue is if a man tries to pressure his wife/partner to behave in a manner that he sees in porn videos.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm sure I've posted this before but one thing I wonder about is the extent to which porn creates an artificial drive. I don't at all mean this to be judgemental .....only a scientific curiosity.

I've heard people, mostly men, claim they are high drive and need porn to supplement things. But does the porn actually create a higher drive then one might normally have? If one is naturally high drive why is porn needed?

If one drinks caffeine on a regular basis then claims to be all kinds of high energy is that really true? What if they start complaining that their spouse, who doesn't consume a bunch of caffeine, can't keep up with their energy? Is that fair?

Of course a little caffeine here and there can be a nice thing. I don't drink coffee or any kind of caffeine throughout the day but I have been known ti drink part of an energy drink or take an energy gel if I'm heading out for a run or ride and need an extra boost 😀


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> @Diana7
> 
> That was a great response. To the point and non-accusatory and non-broadstroking the entire male species. 🙂


That wasn't by any chance you mansplaining, was it?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Why did she drop out of high school?


No idea. We went to school in AZ and one day the family moved back to SD where they were from without telling anyone. We were in high school and she apparently didn't enroll there.

A few years later they all came back to AZ but nobody ever offered am explanation.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> If I had a very fulfilling sexual relationship, it wouldn't use porn. I do because I need a release from time to time and masturbating with little visual stimulation is a bit mechanical and not very satisfying IMO.


I've never been much of a porn user but the little bit I've looked at has always been when I wasn't bonded with a partner.

Bf and I are good for 2-4 times a week and i have zero interest in porn now. Compared to the real life intimacy the thought of porn seems so unappealing. But of course i speak only for myself.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm sure I've posted this before but one thing I wonder about is the extent to which porn creates an artificial drive. I don't at all mean this to be judgemental .....only a scientific curiosity.
> 
> I've heard people, mostly men, claim they are high drive and need porn to supplement things. But does the porn actually create a higher drive then one might normally have? If one is naturally high drive why is porn needed?
> 
> ...


Yes, of course it does create more horniness. A lot of guys who complain about being high drive would be a lot less high drive if they just quit watching it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm sure I've posted this before but one thing I wonder about is the extent to which porn creates an artificial drive. I don't at all mean this to be judgemental .....only a scientific curiosity.
> 
> I've heard people, mostly men, claim they are high drive and need porn to supplement things. But does the porn actually create a higher drive then one might normally have? If one is naturally high drive why is porn needed?
> 
> ...


Based on studies about this I've read, porn does serve to increase sex drive when it's used a lot. Variety at the level available in internet porn stimulates the brain to produce hormones that increase drive. I believe it's dopamine production and update that is mostly stimulated. Dopamine makes a person feel very good, hence the problem with drug addiction. So, in order to get more dopamine hits, a person who is 'addicted' to porn has to get increasingly more hits from porn. 

Most people who take drugs don't get addicted to the drugs. But there's a small group whose brain chemistry is very reactive to their drug of choice, and they become addicted.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> That wasn't by any chance you mansplaining, was it?


Ahh, no. Yer killin' me! That was funny though.

No, but @Diana7 gets a tough rap sometimes here and I do very much appreciate her being here and she brings more value to TAM than most appreciate.

So that's in earnest.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I've never been much of a porn user but the little bit I've looked at has always been when I wasn't bonded with a partner.
> 
> Bf and I are good for 2-4 times a week and i have zero interest in porn now. Compared to the real life intimacy the thought of porn seems so unappealing. But of course i speak only for myself.


I agree!


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes, of course it does create more horniness. A lot of guys who complain about being high drive would be a lot less high drive if they just quit watching it.


It’s the opposite for me. It doesn’t make more horny, it just quenches that little thirst. This applies also to when I was younger. I only wanted my wife. Porn is a lame substitute.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> I was in Vegas at the end of March. When we got to our hotel room we heard some lady carrying on what must have been extremely loudly with her moaning and such and the guy was yelling too as he was delivering whatever he was doing. I was like damn that is nutty! It was as crazy as the craziest porn that I may have allegedly witnessed by accident.


Do hookers charge extra for sound effects? Would love to see their price list.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Do hookers charge extra for sound effects? Would love to see their price list.


I bet anything they just use the same old soundtracks over and over for that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

romantic_dreamer said:


> People of either gender who have jealousy of an actress or an actor have fundamental problem and it has nothing to do with porn. These people will get jealous even without porn.
> 
> An men who want their wives to act like a porn star have fundamental problem. Porn is just a surface. I just can't imagine someone would be jealous of a porn actors, I wonder if they will be jealous of Sharon Stone when she spread her legs and showed he *** in Basics Instinct? Does it means nobody can watch it now?
> 
> Porn is just an adult entertainment. It can be fun, it can add spice to intimacy. Can it ruin someone's life? Yes, of cause. But so it alcohol. Should we all stop drinking completely because there are alcoholics there?


You are grossly twisting what I said in that post. I have not even suggested that all people should stop watching porn because some people end up having addiction-like problems with it. Or because some men have posted that they hate sex with their wife because she does not act like their favorite porn actress during sex. So why are you suggesting, and even attacking me, as though I said that?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ccpowerslave said:


> I was in Vegas at the end of March. When we got to our hotel room we heard some lady carrying on what must have been extremely loudly with her moaning and such and the guy was yelling too as he was delivering whatever he was doing. I was like damn that is nutty! It was as crazy as the craziest porn that I may have allegedly witnessed by accident.


When I was in high school, the apartment we lived in had very thin walls... no sound proofing. The master bedroom of the adjacent apartment shared a wall with our living room. The young couple were newlyweds. We could hear them going at it with all the moaning and their brass bed headboard rhythmically hitting the wall. So, we put the piano against that wall. And often, when they were going at it, one of us would start playing the piano to drown out the noise. Being teens, we and our friends thought that was hilarious. And the couple had music to accompany their love making.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm sure I've posted this before but one thing I wonder about is the extent to which porn creates an artificial drive. I don't at all mean this to be judgemental .....only a scientific curiosity.
> 
> I've heard people, mostly men, claim they are high drive and need porn to supplement things. But does the porn actually create a higher drive then one might normally have? If one is naturally high drive why is porn needed?
> 
> ...


No data here, just an anecdote. It hasn't been that long since I went cold turkey with no porn, about 2 months. I'm a bit embarrassed to say it, but I have used porn on a fairly regular, to sometimes too often basis from about the age of 12 till just a couple months ago, so not sure if 2 months porn free is long enough to say my mind and body are in a porn free state. That said, I don't think my sex drive truly changed, at least not as measured by the frequency of sex with my wife, nor desire for sex with my wife. Before and after is pretty much exactly the same. However, masturbation has all but gone away. There have only been a couple times where my wife was just too tired and not up for it so I took care of myself, without porn or TikTok  So I guess overall my drive is a bit lower if you use the frequency of sex and masturbation combined, but not if you look solely at sex with my wife.

Side note. I got my first computer in 1983, a Commodore 64. I went online, prior to the WWW existing, with a 300 baud dial-up modem. It took me all of about 1 month to come across picture of nude women and sex. The porn jungle has been out there a looong time.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

What's even worse to me is when the couple is fighting and harassing each other. I had such a couple right on the other side of my headboard at one point. The phone (old kind) would ring 100 times and then start over. The phone company cuts if off at 100, but they would dial back. I could hear it plain as day when trying to sleep. 


BigDaddyNY said:


> No data here, just an anecdote. It hasn't been that long since I went cold turkey with no porn, about 2 months. I'm a bit embarrassed to say it, but I have used porn on a fairly regular, to sometimes too often basis from about the age of 12 till just a couple months ago, so not sure if 2 months porn free is long enough to say my mind and body are in a porn free state. That said, I don't think my sex drive truly changed, at least not as measured by the frequency of sex with my wife, nor desire for sex with my wife. Before and after is pretty much exactly the same. However, masturbation has all but gone away. There have only been a couple times where my wife was just too tired and not up for it so I took care of myself, without porn or TikTok  So I guess overall my drive is a bit lower if you use the frequency of sex and masturbation combined, but not if you look solely at sex with my wife.
> 
> Side note. I got my first computer in 1983, a Commodore 64. I went online, prior to the WWW existing, with a 300 baud dial-up modem. It took me all of about 1 month to come across picture of nude women and sex. The porn jungle has been out there a looong time.


The last couple of generations don't even know what their actual sex drive is because they've been addicted to porn since puberty. Sad. Glad you and CCP are both at least finding out. Respect.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> No data here, just an anecdote. It hasn't been that long since I went cold turkey with no porn, about 2 months. I'm a bit embarrassed to say it, but I have used porn on a fairly regular, to sometimes too often basis from about the age of 12 till just a couple months ago, so not sure if 2 months porn free is long enough to say my mind and body are in a porn free state. That said, I don't think my sex drive truly changed, at least not as measured by the frequency of sex with my wife, nor desire for sex with my wife. Before and after is pretty much exactly the same. However, masturbation has all but gone away. There have only been a couple times where my wife was just too tired and not up for it so I took care of myself, without porn or TikTok  So I guess overall my drive is a bit lower if you use the frequency of sex and masturbation combined, but not if you look solely at sex with my wife.
> 
> Side note. I got my first computer in 1983, a Commodore 64. I went online, prior to the WWW existing, with a 300 baud dial-up modem. It took me all of about 1 month to come across picture of nude women and sex. The porn jungle has been out there a looong time.


Big Daddy, porn is not high on my list any more. Just the Adult Movie Night with missus every three months or so. When ya have ED, it’s not like the old days. Far from it. A game changer, but we adjust.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BigDaddyNY said:


> No data here, just an anecdote. It hasn't been that long since I went cold turkey with no porn, about 2 months. I'm a bit embarrassed to say it, but I have used porn on a fairly regular, to sometimes too often basis from about the age of 12 till just a couple months ago, so not sure if 2 months porn free is long enough to say my mind and body are in a porn free state. That said, I don't think my sex drive truly changed, at least not as measured by the frequency of sex with my wife, nor desire for sex with my wife. Before and after is pretty much exactly the same. However, masturbation has all but gone away. There have only been a couple times where my wife was just too tired and not up for it so I took care of myself, without porn or TikTok  So I guess overall my drive is a bit lower if you use the frequency of sex and masturbation combined, but not if you look solely at sex with my wife.
> 
> Side note. I got my first computer in 1983, a Commodore 64. I went online, prior to the WWW existing, with a 300 baud dial-up modem. It took me all of about 1 month to come across picture of nude women and sex. The porn jungle has been out there a looong time.


So what I got from your post is that porn did in fact increase your drive, but since you've always prioritized sex with your wife your porn free state is still enough to keep that up.

Good for your wife and marriage 🙂

Of course porn has always been around, but I think we can all agree that its much easier to access now. And I also think you had to look for it more before the www....now it chases you down. I've tries to go into physics chats where freaking bots come in and spam porn. It's quite aggravating when you're actually looking for something that's not porn.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Big Daddy, porn is not high on my list any more. Just the Adult Movie Night with missus every three months or so. When ya have ED, it’s not like the old days. Far from it. A game changer, but we adjust.


I expect we will still do something like that too, though not hard core, nothing with penetration. There are plenty of racy movies on Netflix or Prime that can heighten the mood for both of us and still have some plot without sex and the money shot being the primary goal.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> So what I got from your post is that porn did in fact increase your drive, but since you've always prioritized sex with your wife your porn free state is still enough to keep that up.
> 
> Good for your wife and marriage 🙂
> 
> Of course porn has always been around, but I think we can all agree that its much easier to access now. And I also think you had to look for it more before the www....now it chases you down. I've tries to go into physics chats where freaking bots come in and spam porn. It's quite aggravating when you're actually looking for something that's not porn.


Correct on all points. 

It is pretty amazing where it pops up. I've stopped clicking on ads in Facebook because half of them would take me to some site for ED or making your penis larger and they were littered with hard core gifs. And the ads had absolutely no indication they were for ED, etc., something totally unrelated. It really is everywhere.


----------



## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

Has anyone posted a link to the now-deleted content referenced in OP ?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Correct on all points.
> 
> It is pretty amazing where it pops up. I've stopped clicking on ads in Facebook because half of them would take me to some site for ED or making your penis larger and they were littered with hard core gifs. And the ads had absolutely no indication they were for ED, etc., something totally unrelated. It really is everywhere.


I get regular spam emails telling me they can help with my ED 😅


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I get regular spam emails telling me they can help with my ED 😅


Those pop up for me and Mrs. C and she just looks at me and says "Don't even think about it!"😋


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

gr8ful1 said:


> Has anyone posted a link to the now-deleted content referenced in OP ?


Nope. I tried to search for the source on the internet and nothing came up. Usually I can find stuff that's posted here if it's on another site.

ETA: the author is some guy named Scot McKay. He's all over social media, has a blog, does broads casts, publishes a lot of books that are on Amazon. He's basically a self-appointed dating expert it seems. That said, I can't find this one article posted in the OP of this thread. The OP said he got it from the guy's newsletter.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Side note. I got my first computer in 1983, a Commodore 64. I went online, prior to the WWW existing, with a 300 baud dial-up modem. It took me all of about 1 month to come across picture of nude women and sex. The porn jungle has been out there a looong time.


Ah ah… yes… it took half an hour to download a pic…


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> No data here, just an anecdote. It hasn't been that long since I went cold turkey with no porn, about 2 months. I'm a bit embarrassed to say it, but I have used porn on a fairly regular, to sometimes too often basis from about the age of 12 till just a couple months ago, so not sure if 2 months porn free is long enough to say my mind and body are in a porn free state. That said, I don't think my sex drive truly changed, at least not as measured by the frequency of sex with my wife, nor desire for sex with my wife. Before and after is pretty much exactly the same. However, masturbation has all but gone away. There have only been a couple times where my wife was just too tired and not up for it so I took care of myself, without porn or TikTok  So I guess overall my drive is a bit lower if you use the frequency of sex and masturbation combined, but not if you look solely at sex with my wife.
> 
> Side note. I got my first computer in 1983, a Commodore 64. I went online, prior to the WWW existing, with a 300 baud dial-up modem. It took me all of about 1 month to come across picture of nude women and sex. The porn jungle has been out there a looong time.


...and with that computer, and dial up, it took about an hour to download that low resolution picture of that nude woman and the photo quality looks like someone drew it! LOL


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> I've heard people, mostly men, claim they are high drive and need porn to supplement things. But does the porn actually create a higher drive then one might normally have? If one is naturally high drive why is porn needed?


Not for me, although maybe I haven’t been off it long enough (a bit over 2 months). I still want minimum 1x a day.

Maybe after the terrible images fade from my mind… who can say?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Those pop up for me and Mrs. C and she just looks at me and says "Don't even think about it!"😋


That’s what I say when the T booster commercials come on Fox and Friends. Hey do you think maybe I need that? Wife: Nonononononono!!!!!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, some people are that loud. It's ok if that's their natural way of responding to pleasure.
> 
> Some people are not that loud and it's not their natural way of responding to pleasure.
> 
> ...


I didn’t have any problem with it, I was bringing it up as a suggestion to my wife if she wanted to try and outdo them and she was like “down boy!!!”


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ccpowerslave said:


> I didn’t have any problem with it, I was bringing it up as a suggestion to my wife if she wanted to try and outdo them and she was like “down boy!!!”


It does not sound to me like you there harassing your wife about it. In your case it just sounds like it was some good fun between a loving couple. I was talking about guys who are angry at their wife for not acting like a porn actress... our acting basically.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> That’s what I say when the T booster commercials come on Fox and Friends. Hey do you think maybe I need that? Wife: Nonononononono!!!!!


Same!😁


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> In the pursuit of data, I will embarrass myself again.
> 
> I'm a very randy fellow and my Mrs cannot, and has almost never, been able to keep up with me with frequency and often duration.
> 
> ...


People seem to forget that the porn we have today is very recent in history.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ih


DownByTheRiver said:


> Like me she's read plenty of research on the subject which goes back at least to the 1970s if not further and at one time could even be found in psychology textbooks.


Yep. I have an inquiring mind and like to learn stuff.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> No data here, just an anecdote. It hasn't been that long since I went cold turkey with no porn, about 2 months. I'm a bit embarrassed to say it, but I have used porn on a fairly regular, to sometimes too often basis from about the age of 12 till just a couple months ago, so not sure if 2 months porn free is long enough to say my mind and body are in a porn free state. That said, I don't think my sex drive truly changed, at least not as measured by the frequency of sex with my wife, nor desire for sex with my wife. Before and after is pretty much exactly the same. However, masturbation has all but gone away. There have only been a couple times where my wife was just too tired and not up for it so I took care of myself, without porn or TikTok  So I guess overall my drive is a bit lower if you use the frequency of sex and masturbation combined, but not if you look solely at sex with my wife.
> 
> Side note. I got my first computer in 1983, a Commodore 64. I went online, prior to the WWW existing, with a 300 baud dial-up modem. It took me all of about 1 month to come across picture of nude women and sex. The porn jungle has been out there a looong time.


1983 is very recent in history though.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Ih
> 
> 
> Yep. I have an inquiring mind and like to learn stuff.


They used to sell a paper at the supermarket check stand that you would have liked.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> It does not sound to me like you there harassing your wife about it. In your case it just sounds like it was some good fun between a loving couple. I was talking about guys who are angry at their wife for not acting like a porn actress... our acting basically.


To be honest sometimes my wife has gotten carried away like they might in a porno and she can get a bit rough and aggressive and I think please do not hurt the 🥜🔩🌰


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> They used to sell a paper at the supermarket check stand that you would have liked.


Dont tend to read supermarket papers.😅


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> To be honest sometimes my wife has gotten carried away like they might in a porno and she can get a bit rough and aggressive and I think please do not hurt the 🥜🔩🌰


I swear a few times I've lost some hair at specific moments 🤣🤣


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

So yeah, I researched porn. Snicker and grin. It's fine. Depending upon what 'era' of porn you identify with, probably says a lot about what you may think about it. 
All of the mental and sexual health issues indicated for men? All true. All well documented. Interestingly, women who watch porn do not have those same outcomes. 
Whether dead bedrooms result from porn, or porn use results from dead bedrooms, is likely always going to be a 'chicken and egg' scenario. That dynamic is a Gordian Knot without even factoring in porn. 

Most porn today produced for general, western, consumption is not performed by actors and actresses with contracts working for the adult film making industry. It's quasi mainstream appearance from the 70's through the 90's, as cheesy productions, shooting as high as the curb to come up with 'story' and bad musical score has gone the way of dinosaur. Porn has pretty much followed the Uber model effect on public transportation. Quite literally, anyone with a camera and an internet connection can be a 'porn star'. 

Is porn exploitative and demeaning to women? Depends upon who you ask. I surmise @lifeistooshort 's friend doesn't see it that way. I expect many of the young women paying their way through college via OnlyFans and driving a better car than I'll ever own, see it as agency rather than exploitation. There is without question content that is created that surely would be described as exploitative and demeaning.

Friend sent me a link a number of years ago. And had something similar happen just about a year ago. The long and short, husband and wife 'made a video' husband shares the video online, on a private board or group without wifes consent. (Huge, huge, betrayal in my opinion. Nothing ok about that). Someone on that group or board, posts the video to the wild. Boom. Goes, viral. Boom. Goes wife. Until ... (in these cases) the couple started paying attention to the 'market' and the 'demand' for such content rather than the betrayal of trust. How do I know this? I corresponded with them. Made it clear I wasn't interested in them for their content, but how they arrived at the place that they chose to produce and publish their content. I mean c'mon, seems utterly alien to most of us, right? So, what convinces a married couple with 3 kids living in a small, conservative, midwestern town to start putting out porn? Money. Lots and lots of money. The woman worked as a clerk for the local school system, word got out, judgements made ... and she got fired. She could have freaked, raged at her husband, divorced, all of that normal sort of stuff. But instead, she decided to lean into the porn piece. Within 7 months that income was more than twice what she and her husbands combined salary was for a year. They moved into a newer, nicer house outside of their little town. They know it won't, can't last. They know the internet is forever, and eventually they will likely have to answer questions from their kids. 

I was struck by how regular they seemed. We've even had women that were in the industry as posters here. They were married, had kids, and basically dealing with the exact same BS, any of us non-porny types face. They did not often broadcast their history in the industry. It just seems in general, that my super power is 'people tell me stuff'.

I don't advocate consuming, or creating sexually explicit content. I don't think women should be 'ok' with porn. I do think they should be willing to have a reasonable conversation about what has influenced their perspective, positive or negative. Although I've probably had at this point in my life an equal number of women partners that are repulsed by or indifferent to it, to those that acknowledged watching, and enjoying explicit content and suggesting we watch it together.

Uninteresting sidenote, I did my research based on the fact that I occasionally write short story fiction. The story (never published) was based upon the short story "Young Goodman Brown" by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Same kinds of themes, about human nature, but utilizing the internet and dark web to be more specific. I did learn in doing my research that you can think the darkest, most disturbing and grotesque thing you can think of that falls into the category of pornography, and I promise you there is far worse. I don't write much any more. But in the past I researched serial killers, genocide, (Nanking, Rwanda, Bosnia) I like writing about light, happy, subject matter. I am generally an upbeat, positive guy. But, I am very aware that our nature has a very, very, dark underbelly. And I think it's important to know how dark it can get, and how people cross over into being ok with that darkness.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Deejo said:


> So yeah, I researched porn. Snicker and grin. It's fine. Depending upon what 'era' of porn you identify with, probably says a lot about what you may think about it.
> All of the mental and sexual health issues indicated for men? All true. All well documented. Interestingly, women who watch porn do not have those same outcomes.
> Whether dead bedrooms result from porn, or porn use results from dead bedrooms, is likely always going to be a 'chicken and egg' scenario. That dynamic is a Gordian Knot without even factoring in porn.
> 
> ...


She absolutely doesn't think they're being exploited. According to her the ones who are probably being exploited are either prostituting or stripping. Those environments are dangerous.

The ones making videos or posing for websites are in a pretty safe environment and are making money....they're there because they want to be.

I think you have to be careful because once you put something out its out, and you never know how it might affect your life in the future.

But she doesn't look for anyone...they come to her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Deejo said:


> So yeah, I researched porn. Snicker and grin. It's fine. Depending upon what 'era' of porn you identify with, probably says a lot about what you may think about it.
> All of the mental and sexual health issues indicated for men? All true. All well documented. Interestingly, women who watch porn do not have those same outcomes.
> Whether dead bedrooms result from porn, or porn use results from dead bedrooms, is likely always going to be a 'chicken and egg' scenario. That dynamic is a Gordian Knot without even factoring in porn.
> 
> ...


Some of the "couples" porn looks like the man has the camera hidden and the woman doesn't even know it's on. And of course, there is no denying that a lot of women are trafficked into that. I mean, the Center for Missing Children regularly scans porn to find them and has found some.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I think you have to be careful because once you put something out its out, and you never know how it might affect your life in the future.


Even if they dodge damaging themselves emotionally, they have mostly eliminated a chance at a normal life and career. The internet is basically forever.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cool that you write @Deejo .

I haven't published yet but I'm an amateur writer.

I go a little darker sometimes.😎


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## Jimmysgirl (9 mo ago)

I don't have a major problem with porn but there are a few exceptions. One...when it takes over your life. My first husband would jerk off all day every day to it. At work, on the drive home. And that drive home took hours longer than necessary, by the time he got home he was tired and grumpy and couldn't be bothered by his "helpless family". The second...local porn groups. I just feel better knowing we'll never know the porn stars in real life. Third...interaction. no cams, no messages or emails. 
Besides that I couldn't care less.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Nope. I tried to search for the source on the internet and nothing came up. Usually I can find stuff that's posted here if it's on another site.


Don’t suppose anyone would be willing to paraphrase what the OP copied? Can’t read the thread without that


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

This is a older post from a different author, not Scot McKay. I have seen the one from McKay, but this one seems pretty accurate to me.









6 Reasons She Freaks Out About Porn


Mike writes, 'My wife doesn't want me to watch porn but she reads erotic literature. She is very defensive when I tell her that is a double standard.' Porn is everywhere, it seems. TV and movies keep pushing back standards of decency. Even many mainstream websites are plastered with suggestive...



www.engagedmarriage.com


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