# Is this weird? Female friendship question.



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I am in my early 40s and other than female acquantince(sp?) through work.(.ladies that I talk to very regularly during the work day but do not do anything to do with them outside of work) I do not have any close female friends. I am married and so are they so I/they have never initiated anything outside of work because everyone is always busy with their own lives, families, etc. Plus we see each other at work all the time.

I have had close female friends in the past however they either moved away or contact just became lost. These are women that I did stuff with socially. However that was a number of years ago. 

It is something that I do not really think about on a regular basis except when I hear someone talking about how they did a girls night out or a girls weekend with their girlfriends and then I think I do not have any "girl friends" outside of work. I was thinking about this today because a coworker was talking about how her DIL had her girlfriends over for a get together and at those times I think I would have no one to invite.

Is that strange..kind of makes me feel like a bit of a loser..LOL

Sometimes I think with my personality that I am social on one hand in that I enjoy chatting, conversing with people but then I also have kind of a loner side to me in that spending a weekend alone (when H. is out of town working) appeals to me. But then I wonder if that is strange as well..in that I do not go shopping, etc. with girlfriends?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I am the same. My best friends live in other states! It sucks.

I don't mind though...I talk to them daily and we're very close and we visit at least once a year.

And I like being home. Although I have a friend here that we have wine night once in a while.

I don't like shopping. I do wish I had a friend who liked to get a hot tea and shoot the shet once in a while lol. 

But I like being alone. Always have liked it.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't like people and have no close female friends really. I work with two women neither of whom I would care to do anything with socially. My sister lives thousands of miles away, and my SIL is a psycho and also lives thousands of miles away. My sister and I talk on the phone infrequently, but other than that I don't have a female friend!

So no, you're not alone!


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Not that weird, IMO...the older I get the fewer female friends I seem to have. It's me, though. I've been trimming the fat, abandoning relationships that bring me no joy; it's boring to hear the same girlfriend whining about the same thing she was whining about 3 years ago. Life's too short! 

My best girlfriend died almost 5 years ago; I have a hard time befriending anyone since then. They'd have some pretty big shoes to fill.

Where/how do you meet new girlfriends???


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> *I don't like people *and have no close female friends really. I work with two women neither of whom I would care to do anything with socially. My sister lives thousands of miles away, and my SIL is a psycho and also lives thousands of miles away. My sister and I talk on the phone infrequently, but other than that I don't have a female friend!
> 
> So no, you're not alone!


LOL...same here


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Thanks ladies! It is nice to know that I am not the only one...

Like I said it is something that I do not think about that often however the odd time like I said, I think wow I would have no one to invite! 

I guess last year when I discovered my H. had an EA..other than my sister I disclosed it to no one because even the women at work whom I am work "friends" with I did not feel like discussing something so personal with them.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I am highly introverted and am more of a loner but I see value in having at least a few girlfriends that I can confide in. I do not work so friends are my only adult conversation these days. When I was working I had NO friends outside of work. My social needs were all met by the time I got home.

However I do not shop with my friends, do not do GNO or any of that crap. We mostly talk on the phone and meet up occasionally for lunch or something. I'm a homebody.


----------



## britney5 (Nov 20, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## britney5 (Nov 20, 2011)

Sory bout that. I dont have lots of friends either. I have acquainrances at work thugh I cud neva confide in them.tg
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I don't have many girlfriends either, I have one at work and she's basically my best friend, my work spouse if you will  The rest of my lady friends are more or less acquaintances, some have been good friends over the years that just drifted apart in our lives. 

My H has become my best friend over the years. We have the same work schedule for the most part and we spend all of our time outside of work together.. If I get ANY free time, I find myself sitting in silence these days... I like that sound more and more


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I have a few close female friends but they are friendships that have been worked at. There's not a lot of fluff in these relationships. But when we have downtime together it's awesome. We can fit a whole year into a week, a month into an evening... and we're not 'exclusive' friends that is we're not jealous of each other's other friendships. These are 'sleepover' friends meaning we would camp together or spend nights at each other's houses. Not really GNO friends, different.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Weird? No. Is it something you want to change or are you comfortable with this?

I have a few friends who I see once a month/every few months - usually just for tea at a cafe, glass of wine (ahem, okay it's usually a bottle), or walking and talking. I'm a transplant to this city, so I met most of my friends through work. Sometimes I initiated the transition of friendship to outside of work. I began a small book club with a few of the girls and that ended up being good times where we met up for wine every month. The book became secondary in our meet ups, but at least we read more! Another good friendship developed when a work-friend invited me to take part in a charity run with her. Having common interests and sometimes a goal (reading the book, doing the run) helped kick things up a notch beyond work. 

I can go into loner mode too but it's nice to have these connections. Sometimes I force myself out of loner status because I value the friendships, they are amazing women, and I love being exposed to their different thoughts, ideas, and experiences.

As for those I'd confide in, there are a few I consider close. My closest friends live interstate/overseas but even recently, I met a woman through the dog-park and we're a bit like kindred spirits.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Everyone is different. Personally, I think life would be sad without girlfriends. Throughout my life I've always had female friends and it has been awesome. I've always found it strange when women don't like or don't have female friends. But to ach their own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Not that weird, IMO...the older I get the fewer female friends I seem to have. It's me, though. I've been trimming the fat, abandoning relationships that bring me no joy; it's boring to hear the same girlfriend whining about the same thing she was whining about 3 years ago. Life's too short!
> 
> My best girlfriend died almost 5 years ago; I have a hard time befriending anyone since then. They'd have some pretty big shoes to fill.
> 
> Where/how do you meet new girlfriends???


I'm sorry to hear that your best friend passed away. 

Even just moving away from my dear friend had me comparing her to others with those 'big shoes' but when I realized this was unfair and I put those feelings aside to allow myself to be open to new friends, their shoes (while in a different style) are just as big as hers now.

How to meet new girlfriends? Maybe by putting yourself out there - hobby groups/interests are a good place to start. Reading your post also put me into action and I invited 3 of my friends to get together. They don't know each other but they have similarities in their outlook of life, creative side etc. I wouldn't be surprised if new friendships started between them.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I don't think it's weird..probably quite common. We all lose friends over the years due to many varied reasons, if we don't replace them we can end up...friendless. Does this bother you? Other than this realization?

I have different friends for different things... 

My H is by far my best friend, he's the one I want to call or tell my news to (good or bad).... he's the one whose shoulder I want to cry on, the hand I want to hold...he's my best mate.

I'm a social person with a closet hermit inside me! I like my alone time, at home time, family time.

I have my dancing friends and I have different friends that are my gardening buddies then there are my long term friends..many of whom I can a year or more with out seeing but whose company I can slip into like an old, well loved pair of slippers.
Other people from work or neighbours are 'friends' that you don't really pick..they are friends almost by default.
The friends I have through dance or gardening are people I have things in common with..shared interests, they are real mates..at least while we share this interest or time in our lives. 
If you are wanting to meet new people and make connections can you make some new contacts through an existing interest or hobby?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I have 3 sisters and I always have at least a close girl friend or two, as well as a circle of female friends in my community. I found at one point--my 30s--raising young kids, new community, etc., that I didn't have any close friends, and it was hard (my sisters are 1200 miles away). But it was a stage of life--and it passed, and as soon as I had a regular work place and more freedom from child care responsibilities, I rebuilt my network. 

I do not think it is weird, but if you aren't happy about it, then you can do something about it. Doesn't sound like that's what you're interested in, at least not right now, anyway.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

highwood said:


> I am in my early 40s and other than female acquantince(sp?) through work.(.ladies that I talk to very regularly during the work day but do not do anything to do with them outside of work) I do not have any close female friends. I am married and so are they so I/they have never initiated anything outside of work because everyone is always busy with their own lives, families, etc. Plus we see each other at work all the time.


 I think this is alot more common today with so many women working, with balancing kids, extended family, running home to cook, clean, being a soccor Mom...then time for the husband! Friendships have suffered for many. Then so many have reduced the one on one to Facebook & the keyboard. 


I am a SAHM, I have more time, I still have 5 friends from High School, we see each other off & on, one likes to ask us out dancing, out to eat with her BF... even though me & husband are kinda homebuddish.... I always go -I tell her she gets me out of the house -so i can see how the other half of the world lives. 

Church (if one goes) is a great place to form friendships, we've made some good ones over the yrs - even though we have slowed down going ourselves. ...and through kid's parents. This one Mom , she'll call me up spur of the moment & say where she is taking her boys to see if I want to follow along, we had some fun outings like that, roller skating.... left my husband at home. I always tell her, I can get ready in a pinch, to just call me -I am game, it is just a phone call. 

What about neighbors ? 

To have friends, we need to put ourselves out there, take a chance, and if/when they ask to do something, go...if you like them & want to water that friendship. 

One of my GF's calls me up just to go to "Murder Mystery Dinners", they have these traveling actors that go around & act out these shows while you sit & eat your dinner, they interact with you, and at the end, you can win prizes if you guess who the murderer was. I suck royally at figuring that out, but it keeps the connection with some friends, even if just once in a while. 



> I have had close female friends in the past however they either moved away or contact just became lost. These are women that I did stuff with socially. However that was a number of years ago.


 No Facebook to say "Hi" after all these years?



> It is something that I do not really think about on a regular basis except when I hear someone talking about how they did a girls night out or a girls weekend with their girlfriends and then I think I do not have any "girl friends" outside of work. I was thinking about this today because a coworker was talking about how her DIL had her girlfriends over for a get together and at those times I think I would have no one to invite.


 I never cared for the Girls night out thing, at least not for spendig a night , I would miss my husband, just isn't something I ever wanted to do ! ... a few times I've went out with a bunch of girls -just to eat out - old school friends, left the husbands at home . Not too often though, we seem to go out more "as a couple" .





> Sometimes I think with my personality that I am social on one hand in that I enjoy chatting, conversing with people but then I also have kind of a loner side to me in that spending a weekend alone (when H. is out of town working) appeals to me. But then I wonder if that is strange as well..in that I do not go shopping, etc. with girlfriends?


 You are probably a more introverted person, meaning some people are energized by being around others (those are the extroverts) and some are more energized by having alone time/down time, they need some peace & quiet. Nothing wrong with that. 

Do what makes you happy ...if you like being by yourself, reading a book for example, go for it.... If you want to cultivate some new frienships, if you feel you are missing something.....always good to brush up on some social skills, asking questions about something another is talking about-get you in the conversation... relate a story, ....seeing if you have " like interests" ... those similar interests is what is going to get you outside of your workplace or church .etc...with these women. 

Some women love to Cook, they go to those Cooking shows that come to town, I had a friend drag me there a couple times, I was accually bored out of my mind, but I went cause she liked it. 

*What do you personally enjoy*? 

I once hooked up with a woman I found on a C-section forum , of all places in this world....she lived just 30 minutes from my house !! She had 8 kids at that time, all boys and I had 4 , our interest --kids and wanting a daughter desperately............ we ended up getting pregnant with our daughters at the same time, we visited, took pics of our bellys, it was a fun time. We stay in touch off & on ... ..so you just never know where you might meet a new friend.


----------



## goincrazy (Feb 20, 2010)

I always had a few close girlfriends until I got married and moved out of state (10 years ago). Gradually I lost touch with most of them, and now my only friends in this state are those I met through work and school. I do regret losing touch with my former close friends. Now I am divorced and guess what? I would do anything for a close girlfriend right now. It's so lonely!!! My ex never wanted to do anything with other couples or people in general. Heck, he never even wanted to go out to eat with me alone. I guess I got used to that lifestyle, and now that I'm divorced I truly regret it. People take friendships for granted when they get married, IMO. I'm guilty of that. If it's something that's important to you before you get married, then try and make time to maintain those friendships. It doesn't have to be a weekly thing, but just some effort here and there. Now, I had to join some singles groups on meetup.com and force myself to go eat with people I've never even met before. It's been a positive experience, but still a little bit awkward.

Also just wanted to add that if I do get married again, I wonder who I would invite besides family (to the wedding and the shower)?!? I guess I'll elope, lol!


----------



## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

I don't have any girl friends since I got married .I never really liked hanging out with the girls ,I always preferred hanging out with the guys .(yet he was the one who had the EA ) go figure 

I always have liked us going out together as a couple


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

highwood said:


> Sometimes I think with my personality that I am social on one hand in that I enjoy chatting, conversing with people but then I also have kind of a loner side to me in that spending a weekend alone (when H. is out of town working) appeals to me. But then I wonder if that is strange as well..in that I do not go shopping, etc. with girlfriends?


You just described me exactly.  Are we clones? 

I'm 48 and I work alone and like it. I always hated working in offices where I had to share space and deal with other people, especially female coworkers. I work by myself and am outside and driving about and deal only with the customers. 

However I can be very social, chatty, etc in many ways but I enjoy my time alone. I'll go out to a restaurant and bar with a meet up group, club (I have several hobbies) or friends but I'll often opt to go off on my own. For example, next weekend I'm planning a ski trip on my own. I look forward to getting away and staying in a hotel by myself, skiing, calling all the shots about when I do things, how I do it, etc. I enjoy it very much. 

I've done this all my adult life. I've gone on week long vacations on my own. I've taken road trips all over the country and done many things alone. I often go to events alone but will be quite sociable, hanging out with people during and after the event and then retiring to my own room. 

Last October I spent a week at Lake George camping by myself and loved it. I camped out on the Lake, brought my kayak and hiked and paddled and loved spending nights by the fire, reading a good book and enjoying the silence. Except for the night some people were partying on the island next door. 

I don't know if this is weird or not but it's the way I am and I don't have any problems. Most people seem to admire this trait and will say things like "Don't you get scared/lonely being by yourself?". Nope. I don't mind at all and I don't get scared. I rather like having a campground to myself. I've had this happen quite often: Where I'm the ONLY person in a hotel or campground. Kinda cool actually.... 

That said, I'm quite social and often will plan a social outing or two every weekend and sometimes I'll plan to meet people someplace for an event but I prefer to drive alone and stay by myself in a hotel or campsite. This way I'm not put out or irritated and I don't bother anyone else either. 

I don't have any real close girlfriends that I do stuff with. Haven't had one of those in years. It seems I can never get close to women. I do better with guy friends. I have a group I hang out with of both genders and I enjoy their company but I don't shop to browse. If I need something I go and buy it. I'm a lot like a guy that way. The one exception is my teenage daughter. I enjoy shopping with her. 

I guess I'm lucky I was married to my husband because he always accepted my going off and doing "my thing". Not many men would so it would be a problem but it's the way I am and I don't plan on changing. If anything, I plan to do it more when my kids are off on their own. My daughter is pretty much there at 17 and my husband will stay over with my 14 year old son. 

I got this trip to Newfoundland planned at some point in the next few years. Been all over the Canadian Maritimes and have always wanted to check out Newfoundland. 

So not to worry, you aren't weird. Or maybe you are but who cares? You just march to the sound of your own drum. Don't sweat it. :smthumbup:


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

goincrazy said:


> I always had a few close girlfriends until I got married and moved out of state (10 years ago). Gradually I lost touch with most of them, and now my only friends in this state are those I met through work and school. I do regret losing touch with my former close friends. Now I am divorced and guess what? I would do anything for a close girlfriend right now. It's so lonely!!! My ex never wanted to do anything with other couples or people in general. Heck, he never even wanted to go out to eat with me alone. I guess I got used to that lifestyle, and now that I'm divorced I truly regret it. People take friendships for granted when they get married, IMO. I'm guilty of that. If it's something that's important to you before you get married, then try and make time to maintain those friendships. It doesn't have to be a weekly thing, but just some effort here and there.
> 
> Now, I had to join some singles groups on meetup.com and force myself to go eat with people I've never even met before. It's been a positive experience, but still a little bit awkward.


I like meetup.com. Most of my social activities and friends come from there. I do stuff like kayaking and hiking and it's perfect to pursue my hobbies in a social way. Last weekend I went to a meetup at a wine place and had a great time and I also paddled with my kayaking meetup. A nice way to get out and do something fun and sociable. 

I also go to the "social" meetups where people go to dinner or a bar. My husband is no longer into the "bar scene" and can't drink but I like to get dressed up, and go out and shake a leg, have a drink and just chat. He's not into that at all but doesn't mind me going out without him. I think he's glad I'm no longer bugging him to go out. 

With the meetups you are with people who are in the same position. The ones I go to are not singles groups (I have no desire to date or be picked up) but just people in my age group who want to go out and have a good time and don't want to go to usual bar/club scene with the college and 20 somethings. and I seem to be very good at making "superficial friendships." In fact, I rather like that aspect of having no ties to anyone...just going out and meeting new people and moving on. If you go to enough you eventually meet the same folks over and over again and know enough people to hang out with and talk to. 

Perhaps you should think about what activities you'd like to do (aside from dating) and join that kind of meet up. There are many out there. There are hiking, biking, boating, fishing, photography and even dog lovers meet ups! I find that it's much easier to deal with strangers when you have something in common to chat about rather than "I'm divorced and lonely and complaining about your Ex." Ugh. Not for me at all.


----------



## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

I have my best friend who I talk to everyday and see whenever I can - she lives 2 hours away now. I don't know what I'd do without her. We are very similar so get along really well, don't fight, don't judge. I have a few other close female friends. Girlfriends are good for chats about girly things, and husband habits lol ... 

Mostly, you meet women through work, or occasionally other mens wives at functions etc. If you did want to meet more women to befriend, you need to get out of the house and join some classes or groups to expand your social circle.

But having one friend or 100 friends doesn't reflect on you as a person, it's not a competition. It's not 'look how many people like me!' My mother always told me you can count on one hand the people you can rely on and trust.

If you work alot and there are women you get along with, you end up seeing them more than you would your other girlfriends anyway so the weekends are yours for downtime and with your husband. If you ever want a GNO, no harm in asking the women at work. Chances are they'll be up for it.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I have one best friend I met online 9 years ago on a parenting website. We talk everyday through Facebook messaging. Right now she's not working, so we talk quite a bit. She lives about 2,000 miles from me. We met up twice so far and I'm planning on meeting her again soon. I have frequent flyer miles that need to be used. We will stay somewhere neat, last time we met and stayed on the Queen Mary ship in CA. Oh, that was so much fun!

My other best friend is my husband. I tell my husband anything and everything.


----------

