# so confused any advice



## aly (Nov 16, 2011)

Hello, I have been married for 22 years, have two teenage boys and have adopted our neice last year who is now 5 but have had her since birth. 
I have not really ever been that happy in our marriage and have thought about leaving before but mainly stayed for the kids.
I do not love my husband anymore, we do not have sex and when we did it was like lets just get this over with. I feel like I am living with a room mate. 
My husband is devestated that I want a divorce and insists there is someone else since he says this came on all of a sudden(which it hasn't) I really want out of this marriage but I know I am hurting my kids and husband which I do not want to do.
any suggestions? thnks!


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Have you tried any form of counseling, individual or marriage?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

What led to falling out of love with him?


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## aly (Nov 16, 2011)

no did not counseling, have no interest in it. Not sure what to led falling out of love, nothing in common I guess.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

aly said:


> no did not counseling, have no interest in it. Not sure what to led falling out of love, nothing in common I guess.


What does your husband think?


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## rotor (Aug 28, 2010)

I am at a similar crossroad as you but have been married 25 years. The way I approached it was to execute a reconciliation / exit plan where I gave it about a year to see if CPR could be done on the relationship while at the same time getting my ducks in a row to walk.

I figure if you have that kind of history with someone they at least deserve a shot before walking away.

Regards,

rotor


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I can remember where I read it, bu when your husband says this is sudden, it is to him.

Why? Because men are literal creatures. So, you may have hinted, or even outright brought up your concerns before, and he may hav heard you. But, maybe things didn't change. So, you just decided that talking about it and nagging about it wasn't getting you anywhere, so you just decided to stay silent. The problem is, with a guy, silence is acceptance and a sign of contentment. So to him, you shutting down and not saying anything anymore means everything is A OK! Of course, until you hit him with the big Divorce talk, and then he's thinking...where the fk this this come from? Why didn't you tell me you were unhappy?

Yeah. Guys are like that. It's how our brains are wired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ashesandwine (Nov 25, 2011)

rotor said:


> I am at a similar crossroad as you but have been married 25 years. The way I approached it was to execute a reconciliation / exit plan where I gave it about a year to see if CPR could be done on the relationship while at the same time getting my ducks in a row to walk.
> 
> I figure if you have that kind of history with someone they at least deserve a shot before walking away.
> 
> ...


Hi Rotor,

I'm just curious..whats your opinion about your quote?the one with "if a man speaks deep in the forest..."
Thanks


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## rotor (Aug 28, 2010)

ashesandwine said:


> Hi Rotor,
> 
> I'm just curious..whats your opinion about your quote?the one with "if a man speaks deep in the forest..."
> Thanks


I think he is probably still wrong since god is a woman.


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