# Top 10 Things Men Want



## MarriedWifeInLove

Okay guys - I've seen the what women want, what to expect from your husband, what men need, what women need, etc.

I have a simple question...what is your Top 10 for what you want/expect/need from your wife - and I'm specifically talking married spouses here.

Your flat out Top 10 in order from most important (#1), to least important (#10).

Let the games begin...


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## unbelievable

#1- Respect
#2- faithfulness
#3- sex (intimacy)
#4 - honesty
#5- peaceful home
#6- nurturing
#7- responsible partner
#8- something nice to look at
#9- something decent to eat
#10- ?


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## Idontknownow

#10 - more sex?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Well apparently we only have 2 men on this forum that have a list!

I thought it was a good question - at least for me it was.

Thanks unbelievable and Idontknownow - appreciate your input.

I was surprised that SEX was not #1.


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## nice777guy

FWIW - when I filled out the Marriagebuilders Emotional Needs Questionnaire, here's how I ranked my needs on their scale from top to bottom

Family Committment
Honesty and Openness (moves to the top when you get lied to enough)
Domestic Support
Admiration
Sexual Fulfillment
Affection
Recreational Companionship
Conversation
An attractive spouse
Financial support

This is highly influenced by my wife's EAs and what I feel has been missing from MY life over the last 1-2 years.

Three years ago I'm sure sex, conversation and recreational companionship would have ranked much higher, while honesty and domestic support wouldn't have seemed quite so important.


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## greenpearl

unbelievable said:


> #1- Respect
> #2- faithfulness
> #3- sex (intimacy)
> #4 - honesty
> #5- peaceful home
> #6- nurturing
> #7- responsible partner
> #8- something nice to look at
> #9- something decent to eat
> #10- ?


If a man has everything here on the list, will he be truly happy? 
Will he stay committed? 

A lot of men want power in their life. They want to have successful career. They are not satisfied being simple men in life. 

My ex had everything here on the list. He lost me, because he was discontent!( Do you know how sweet I had been to him? Every evening I would take my son and wait at the gate for him to come home, I still have tears in my eyes when I think of those days. He lost me because he didn't want to be a nobody in his life. He kept on building big dreams.)

My husband is so happy with me now because he is a simple man. He never wants any power. He just wants a happy organized life. 

So is men's happiness being decided by women?????????


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## marcy*

10)A Tv remote control.:rofl:


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## AFEH

Deb* said:


> 10)A Tv remote control.:rofl:


And a stereo lol. Apparently it's the first thing husbands take when they leave so must be important.

Bob


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## AFEH

greenpearl said:


> So is men's happiness being decided by women?????????


Only if we let them have the remote to control our emotions.

Bob


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## greenpearl

AFEH said:


> Only if we let them have the remote to control our emotions.
> 
> Bob


Bob, please help me understand this?

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...piness-directly-affcted-women.html#post192909


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## Deejo

Nope. The key is to find your own happiness - _then_ the woman. Sounds like your ex was following the old script of "If I do this, I'll be happy."
If I find the right woman I'll be happy.
If I have the right job I'll be happy.
If I live in the right house I'll be happy.
If I have perfect kids I'll be happy.
If I make X amount of money, I'll be happy.

Yeah ... that doesn't work.

There is an old adage, I don't know it's origin, but I have always liked it:

"It's not about finding the right partner, it's about being the right partner."

I don't consider myself married, but here is my top 10:

1. Intimacy - including but not limited to monkey sex
2. Respect
3. Shared values, lifestyle
4. Open communication
5. Playfulness/joy
6. Responsibility/Accountability
7. Independence
8. Sense of wonder and adventure
9. Being able to cook would be a perk. 
10. Booty that won't quit, to round things out so to speak.




greenpearl said:


> If a man has everything here on the list, will he be truly happy?
> Will he stay committed?
> 
> A lot of men want power in their life. They want to have successful career. They are not satisfied being simple men in life.
> 
> My ex had everything here on the list. He lost me, because he was discontent!( Do you know how sweet I had been to him? Every evening I would take my son and wait at the gate for him to come home, I still have tears in my eyes when I think of those days. He lost me because he didn't want to be a nobody in his life. He kept on building big dreams.)
> 
> My husband is so happy with me now because he is a simple man. He never wants any power. He just wants a happy organized life.
> 
> So is men's happiness being decided by women?????????


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## greenpearl

Deejo said:


> Nope. The key is to find your own happiness - _then_ the woman. Sounds like your ex was following the old script of "If I do this, I'll be happy."
> If I find the right woman I'll be happy.
> If I have the right job I'll be happy.
> If I live in the right house I'll be happy.
> If I have perfect kids I'll be happy.
> If I make X amount of money, I'll be happy.
> 
> Yeah ... that doesn't work.
> 
> There is an old adage, I don't know it's origin, but I have always liked it:
> 
> "It's not about finding the right partner, it's about being the right partner."
> 
> I don't consider myself married, but here is my top 10:
> 
> 1. Intimacy - including but not limited to monkey sex
> 2. Respect
> 3. Shared values, lifestyle
> 4. Open communication
> 5. Playfulness/joy
> 6. Responsibility/Accountability
> 7. Independence
> 8. Sense of wonder and adventure
> 9. Being able to cook would be a perk.
> 10. Booty that won't quit, to round things out so to speak.


The description you have about my ex is just perfect. I just wanted a normal family life, he wanted to be a big boss. He wanted to be somebody important. He kept on telling me how many factories he wanted to have in the future while he had none. Once he had a very good job, we bought a place near the company he worked. Everything was fine, he was not happy. he wanted this, he wanted that, he ended up with nothing.............................

My husband never gives me the impression that he is not happy with our life. Everybody knows what kind of woman I am. My husband is just so content with his life that he doesn't put me into a worrying mood. I tend to worry if my man is not happy. 

But the key thing here is that my husband is a happy man!!! He is happy, he makes me happy, it is easy for me to be a good wife!



I am not bragging, you can find all the qualities you want from me. My husband really cherishes me!!!!!

I work(good money), I cook(good food), I clean up( our apartment is just sweet), I fxxk( great in bed), I look sexy and delicious. 

But one man lost all of these. 

Another man gets to have all of these. 

Whose fault??????


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## greenpearl

I want men to think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## gfl

1.	*Sharing of Faith*: This can be a beautiful thing if done right, always keep God first in a marriage, share the joys of loving our creator and each other, pray/ study together grow in spiritual wisdom together.
2.	*Intimacy*: Not just the sexual kind but it is important. The sharing of the experience of life ; growing together ; that “deep look through the eyes into ones soul” kind of intimacy …true love of a women giving herself unconditionally 
3.	*Family*: Raising a family together/ kids/in-laws ; being that soccer mom helping the coach,(dad), being at practices/ games/doctors/school…helping grandmaw at the nursing home, all this makes a women very attractive 
4.	*Charity*: seeing a women that is very caring / giving not to just the family but to everyone, food drives, adopt a case worker, church activities…that is such a beautiful thing to witness a wife with caring / nurturing heart…again very attractive.
5.	*Honesty*: be honest with your husband and your needs, don’t be manipulative /planning , be honest when needing help working through a challenge, don’t be afraid to sit down for a long talk and be honest and be able to take that honesty in return; Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary 
6.	Responsible: ability to help make a home a relaxing place; planning ahead , sharing with responsibilities utilizing each others strong points and using them to support each other accordingly, Frugal with finances,,, but not so much , let her husband know when he is out of line and be able to take same advice in reverse from a caring/ loving perspective 
7.	Ability to except life/change: things happen and a women who can adapt and be open to growth and new ideas in a positive way…I know this is not always the case but at least to strive for that know that no matter what the outcome you will be ok and loved…sense of security with a supportive nature 
8.	Individuality: except that spouses are very different and not may not always reason the way you think, respect for the other individuals as well, don’t try to change, rule or control people you have no control over…be the independent person you want to be within reason and by doing so let others, ability to make your own decisions 


I could only come up with 8 gotta get back to work


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Keep 'em coming. We need one on the Ladies Lounge for wives. What are your Top 10 things for your husband's - that would be awesome to compare and see if any of us are in the same boat!


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## greenpearl

MarriedWifeInLove

I can only list things I want from MY MAN, 

1: faithful ( never let me feel insecure in a relationship, I hate men who cheat.) 
2: has a stable job ( I work, but I still think my man should be the bread winner, I can supplement)
3: romantic sex: foreplay, stroke, bite, touch, seduce, different positions, but respect my wish. He needs to have a nice body to turn me on too since I have a sexy body. (demanding, me???)
4: understanding: I have a brain, I have moods, sometimes I am happy, sometimes I am sad, my man knows my heart. 
5: humor: He likes to joke and make me laugh
6: help me with chores: I have a job, too. His help makes me feel he doesn't take me for granted. If I don't work, I don't expect my man to help me do house chores, he only needs to spend time with me.
7: give me the feeling that I can cry in his arms, I mean he needs to be strong, he is my protector. I don't want a man who can't protect me emotionally. 
8: have good friends: I don't want my man to associate with bad crowds. His friends should have high moral standards since I know a man's friends can affect a man's thinking. 
9: a good son-in-law to my family: I am Chinese, we have duties as being children, we have to support our old parents, we are taught to be good children. My man should be supportive, being a smart woman, I won't be ridiculous. 
10: help me fit into his family or protect me from his family, we don't live in Canada, but we still talk to his parents every week, his family likes me or not means a lot to me, he has to let me know that no matter what happens, he won't let his family influence him.

My husband and I have a very wonderful relationship together, like I always say, he is a good man, so it is easy for me to be a loving wife. I strive hard to keep a man like my husband, my husband is also striving hard to keep a woman like me.


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## Deejo

Here is a top 10 from the perspective of what I take to be a most excellent, and very wise wife:

Ten Ways To Keep A Husband


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## seeking sanity

When I first read this post I thought "10 seems like a lot, I probably need 5."

Here's mine from the emotional needs checklist :

#1- Admiration / Respect - My lady fundementally values and respects me (which would include fidelity)
#2- sex / intimacy - My lady is turned on by me
#3 - Domestic support - I feel cared for and supported in the house / raising of children
#4- Affection - Non-sexual touch, hugs, physical closeness
#5- Honesty and openness - she is direct and open with me and deals with me in an honest way 

After that, having her looking and feeling good, smiling and happiness in the home.


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## marcopoly69

1. attention
2. communication
3. emotional intimacy
4. exciting sex life
5. respect
6. support
7. surprise
8. confidence
9. friendship
10. intellectual stimulation


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## greenpearl

Deejo said:


> Here is a top 10 from the perspective of what I take to be a most excellent, and very wise wife:
> 
> Ten Ways To Keep A Husband


Ha ha ha, pat myself, I am doing all these!!!


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## dubs

greenpearl said:


> My husband is so happy with me now because he is a simple man. He never wants any power. He just wants a happy organized life.
> 
> So is men's happiness being decided by women?????????


Nice post.


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## Scannerguard

I tried to find this hilarious female comedienne who did a bit where she was lecturing women in the audience on how to make men happy/strengthen your relationship.

I wish I had the youtube link. . .it was really funny. 

First of all, can you picture the "discomfort" the comedienne imparts by doing this - a woman lecturing women on their behavior. That's just funny in of itself. The tension she acheives by doing this is similiar to the tension you see when women are bosses of other women in the workplace.

Anyway, she said 3 things (you don't need 10 - wow. . . men are just too simple to need 10 things to please us - I would raise the number for women and lower it for men to 3).

*A. They need some quiet when they come in.*

Women want to talk and talk and talk and talk as soon as they get in the door (imagine the comedienne hitting this raw nerve). Men by the time 5 p.m. rolls around are all talked out. They've said all they've needed to say for the day. Or at least they need a half hour to just veg and do whatever.

Then, slowly, we'll start talking again.

*B. They want their women in a good mood*

I am surprised this hasn't been mentioned here. The female comedienne (irking some of the women in the audience) said,

"Surprise, surprise! Your man is human and doesn't want to be around a b**ch!!!"

But honestly, a lot of women don't get how much, HOW IMPORTANT, their general mood is to making their man happy.

To make a man happy, you've got to be happy.

It's infectious.

I would say outta the 3 here. . .this is TOPS for me. Absolute TOPS.

*C. Lick his bunnies *

Of course, this was the climax of her routine to get the audience laughing. She said how all testicles look ugly and old but if you refer to them as "bunnies" it suddenly becomes cute in her mind.

Comedy and humor is very interesting - how you really get truths inserted in ways you couldn't using other mediums.


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## JustaDad

Wow. 10 things. I don't think I could ask for that much. All I want is someone who is....


Trustworthy
Faithful
Honest
Supportive
Healthy
Loving
Friendly
Affectionate
Considerate
Giving
Responsible
Self-Aware (By this I mean being aware of your actions and the way your decisions could affect others.
Loyal
Patient
Calm

Okay so I've taken it overboard here. I've just been pretty hurt lately so I've thought about every possible quality that could help our marriage out.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Okay, Scannerguard - women can come up with 10 and men just 3 (or if really in a thinking mode - 5).

Here's mine (would love to see my husband's, but don't think I could get him to do it).

1. Listen to me (really listen, look at me in the face - not the TV)
2. Physical attention (not sex, just give me a surprise hug or hold my hand)
3. Tell ME you love me FIRST
4. Sex
5. When you ask a question, let me answer my way - I'm not YOU
6. If I tell you NO or YES, just because you don't believe it doesn't mean I'm LYING
7. Tell me I look nice every once in a while without me asking
8. Bring home flowers for no reason 
9. Surprise me with a loving card for no reason
10. Don't oogle other women when we're together - it's okay to look, but I'm 50 and a little insecure right now.

Not too much to ask...pretty simple if you ask me...but he still manages to screw it up! 

I do love him though....only God knows why.


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## Conrad

"Affection" would cover many of those categories MWIL.


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## MsLonely

mommy22 said:


> It's funny how men and women's lists can be complete opposites too. Talking could be at the bottom of a man's list but at the top of a woman's list. So maybe the lists need to be combined and an percentage given based on the average! So, I guess both could agree on a good night's sleep??? Because I'm guessing if we try to work the lists so that both men and women are happy it would look something like this:
> 
> 1)talking while having sex
> 2) helping with household chores while having sex
> 3) being respectful while having sex
> 4) being faithful while having sex
> 5) showing affection and being in a good mood while having sex
> 6) giving words of affirmation while having sex
> 7) shutting up while having sex
> 8) listening while having sex
> 9) showing confidence while having sex
> 10)being supportive while having sex


LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely

What do husband want from wives, 
1. Naked,(when his testosterone is high) 
2. Sexy but not necessary naked (when his testosterone is median high)
3. No need to get naked or too sexy but faithful (when his testosterone is low) 
4. Positive. (She can say anything to him, expect anything negative.)
5. Intelligent (knows when to close an eye to most of his things that she hates and knows there should be cold beer in the frige ALWAYS.)
6. Helpful (especially when he wants to watch TV, pls leave him alone and she helps herself with housework, and helps him delivering cold beer on demand.)
7. Understanding(when he's hungry, she prepares good meals. When his shirt is dirty, she washes and irons them. When he's horny, she's cleaned, naked and ready with leg open wide or give him head during her menstruation)
8. Forgetful(always forget about questioning his mistakes and wrong doings.)
9. Worship him (He should be admired as the most wonderful husband in the whole world even with a few defeats, but he's the best she can get.)
10. Respect (when he wants to go out to have social life and of course, that also requires him to be a social drinker. Don't call, don't ask, where, what time, why, who with as a police.)


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## MsLonely

Not all Asian women believe in pleasing men as their life principle but a lot of them believe it's a kudo. Some western men would find Asian wives via internet matching agencies because Asian girls are known as more obedient wives to their husbands, compared to western girls. Usually they would clean and cook without complaints- very good free maid service. 
They quickly get naked when husbands want sex- they are very understanding and responsive to men's need- nice sex slave. Some are happy married as long as one love to take when one loves to give. Some simply wants a better life. It's the only way to get away poverty. Most funny things they want to teach other women in this forum how to be good & submissive wives.


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## F-102

It's probably not a list, per se, but here goes:

1) RESPECT-don't laugh at me or call me childish or stupid when I get enthusiastic about something or make a mistake, and I won't do the same to you.
2) YOUR OWN SELF RESPECT-don't be a ditzbrain and agree with everything I say, if I have been a jerk or done something foolish, tell me. Don't stew about it and become resentful. I'd rather put out small, annoying fires than have to clean up after a Hiroshima type explosion.
3) SHOW ME SOME AFFECTION-not all the time, just show me that I'm still wanted. With my overactive imagination, I'll naturally start assuming the worst.
4) BE GOOD WITH MONEY-because I'm not! When I was single, I was always broke. Now that I'm married, I always have money in my pocket, because she is damn good with money!
5) GIVE ME SOME ALONE TIME- I'm not going to step out on you and seek out OW, but I like to go out by myself and let my head "recharge". Besides, wouldn't you like to get me out of your hair for awhile?
6) GIVE ME SOME QUIET TIME-I like to watch TV and unwind with a good book. Why is it when men try to do these things, women see a big neon sign over their head saying "Let's talk".
7) AND BE AT LEAST OPEN TO TRYING SOMETHING NEW ONCE IN AWHILE- be it vacations, dinner, going out or sex. Familiarity breeds contempt.

And to Western women, Asian women do not necessarily act like obedient slaves. Once the ring is on the finger, they OWN you, and everything else! My wife is Korean, and she does not act like "Suzie Wong" (See No. 2), and I wouldn't have it any other way!


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## MsLonely

F-102 said:


> It's probably not a list, per se, but here goes:
> 
> 1) RESPECT-don't laugh at me or call me childish or stupid when I get enthusiastic about something or make a mistake, and I won't do the same to you.
> 2) YOUR OWN SELF RESPECT-don't be a ditzbrain and agree with everything I say, if I have been a jerk or done something foolish, tell me. Don't stew about it and become resentful. I'd rather put out small, annoying fires than have to clean up after a Hiroshima type explosion.
> 3) SHOW ME SOME AFFECTION-not all the time, just show me that I'm still wanted. With my overactive imagination, I'll naturally start assuming the worst.
> 4) BE GOOD WITH MONEY-because I'm not! When I was single, I was always broke. Now that I'm married, I always have money in my pocket, because she is damn good with money!
> 5) GIVE ME SOME ALONE TIME- I'm not going to step out on you and seek out OW, but I like to go out by myself and let my head "recharge". Besides, wouldn't you like to get me out of your hair for awhile?
> 6) GIVE ME SOME QUIET TIME-I like to watch TV and unwind with a good book. Why is it when men try to do these things, women see a big neon sign over their head saying "Let's talk".
> 7) AND BE AT LEAST OPEN TO TRYING SOMETHING NEW ONCE IN AWHILE- be it vacations, dinner, going out or sex. Familiarity breeds contempt.
> 
> And to Western women, Asian women do not necessarily act like obedient slaves. Once the ring is on the finger, they OWN you, and everything else! My wife is Korean, and she does not act like "Suzie Wong" (See No. 2), and I wouldn't have it any other way!


Good & sharp points! Do you like kimchi?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely

MsLonely said:


> What do husband want from wives,
> 1. Naked,(when his testosterone is high)
> 2. Sexy but not necessary naked (when his testosterone is median high)
> 3. No need to get naked or too sexy but faithful (when his testosterone is low)
> 4. Positive. (She can say anything to him, expect anything negative.)
> 5. Intelligent (knows when to close an eye to most of his things that she hates and knows there should be cold beer in the frige ALWAYS.)
> 6. Helpful (especially when he wants to watch TV, pls leave him alone and she helps herself with housework, and helps him delivering cold beer on demand.)
> 7. Understanding(when he's hungry, she prepares good meals. When his shirt is dirty, she washes and irons them. When he's horny, she's cleaned, naked and ready with leg open wide or give him head during her menstruation)
> 8. Forgetful(always forget about questioning his mistakes and wrong doings.)
> 9. Worship him (He should be admired as the most wonderful husband in the whole world even with a few defeats, but he's the best she can get.)
> 10. Respect (when he wants to go out to have social life and of course, that also requires him to be a social drinker. Don't call, don't ask, where, what time, why, who with as a police.)


I'm Asian and definitedly don't follow the out-of-date culture- to be an obedient wife. It's a discrimination towards women. It's too easy to be a husband when the wife put her husband's happiness before hers. It's too easy to be a husband when the wife needs to work, cook, clean and wash everything. 
He can just be cheapskate. It's enough he looks a bit handsome with a western passport, enough he talks sweat and buy her a cheap gift for her birthday, she would already open her legs wide as she can't wait to get out of poverty by marrying to a good looking western guy. Some countries in Asia, women no longer believe in kissing ass marriage. For example, Malaysia
Korea, Taiwan, Singapore, Japan...etc. Women nowadays are more financially independent and well educated. By no means they would tolerate their husband being silly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102

True, the days of the "Land of the big PX" are long gone (got quite a bit of razzing from my fellow GIs about "yellow fever", as I met her via a two-year all-expense paid vacation to Korea, courtesy of the U.S. Army), and my wife and I had been thru our fair share of relationships when we met, so we were far from naive, but the points I made were the things I was looking for then, and I feel I get from her now, although some points are doing good, and some need a little work from the both of us.
And to answer MLs question, I really don't care for Korean food that much-too much sesame oil!


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## MsLonely

F-102 said:


> True, the days of the "Land of the big PX" are long gone (got quite a bit of razzing from my fellow GIs about "yellow fever", as I met her via a two-year all-expense paid vacation to Korea, courtesy of the U.S. Army), and my wife and I had been thru our fair share of relationships when we met, so we were far from naive, but the points I made were the things I was looking for then, and I feel I get from her now, although some points are doing good, and some need a little work from the both of us.
> And to answer MLs question, I really don't care for Korean food that much-too much sesame oil!


Yes. There's sesame oil. My family like kimchi and korean BBQ! It's actually lots of fun when you marry a girl from different culture. You can learn from each other many interesting things. Food diversity is one of many benefits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102

It's funny, but whenever I tell someone my wife is Korean, the first thing they ask is if I like kimchi! 
No offense, ML! 
Incidentally, our favorite food is Italian and Mexican!


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## MsLonely

That's a nice incidence! My husband also comes from different culture. My family also have a list of various food choices. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justme1956

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Okay guys - I've seen the what women want, what to expect from your husband, what men need, what women need, etc.
> 
> I have a simple question...what is your Top 10 for what you want/expect/need from your wife - and I'm specifically talking married spouses here.
> 
> Your flat out Top 10 in order from most important (#1), to least important (#10).
> 
> Let the games begin...


#1...Be My Best friend
#2...Trust
#3...Caring
#4...Affection
#5...Loyality
#6...Sense of Humor
#7...Think for Herself
#8...Self respect
#9...Respect 
#10. Open

I believe with all of these love and sex will come naturally


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## kendra2705

My blokes top 10 would be 

1 remote control

2 me to earn my own money which i do

3 to leave him in peace

4 food cooked after I come home from work

5 oh sorry loads of money should be number one

6 his ex wife to stop calling and causing ****

7 tv and more money

8 to not to be asked for affection 

9 wash and iron his clothes

10 to not to ask for anything that costs money 

sorry but it's the truth sex and affection is the last thing ever on his mind


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## Therealbrighteyes

Kendra,
So a servant?


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## MsLonely

kendra2705 said:


> My blokes top 10 would be
> 
> 1 remote control
> 
> 2 me to earn my own money which i do
> 
> 3 to leave him in peace
> 
> 4 food cooked after I come home from work
> 
> 5 oh sorry loads of money should be number one
> 
> 6 his ex wife to stop calling and causing ****
> 
> 7 tv and more money
> 
> 8 to not to be asked for affection
> 
> 9 wash and iron his clothes
> 
> 10 to not to ask for anything that costs money
> 
> sorry but it's the truth sex and affection is the last thing ever on his mind


Better he finds a free maid than a wife.


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## condix57

1. Faithful
2. Sincere
3. Family oriented person
4. Financially Stable
5. Hardworking


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Kendra2705 - I could have written that myself! 

I think my hubby's list would be pretty similar. Sad, but true.


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## kendra2705

ha ha i'm sure there are others out there who's partners/ husbands are like this , it doesn't mean I do it though, I'm not that silly i'm glad to say :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## AFEH

Conrad said:


> "Affection" would cover many of those categories MWIL.


200 out of 10 Conrad.


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## greenpearl

Security is what women want!

Being faithful, being responsible, being a good provider....

Sums up, security is what women want!


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## Toby T

Husbands and wives should have their lists posted on the fridge. Life would be so much simpler....

For me....
1) APPRECIATION for the things I do for her, and the family.
2) AFFECTION what happened to kisses, hugs and cuddling? and...
3) SEX frequent, frisky, naughty, enthusiastic, mutually fulfilling.
4) RESPECT you don't have to agree with me, but at least listen to my opinion.
5) FUN it's not just girls that want it.
6) INTELECTUALLY STIMULATING flirting, teasing, innuendo, it's like mind sex.
7) RESPONSIBLE take care of things like you had to buy them.
8) CONSIDERATE I want to make you happy, but I want you to make me happy too.
9) SUPPORTIVE I have goals, I want you to share yours and let's both work towards them
10) KIND remember back to when we were both trying to impress each other....

Not particularly in any order. I want them all... most... some... any?


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## chefmaster

Top 10 Things Men Want

1. A threesome
2. More money
3. To wake up once a week to a BJ
4. Not to have to put up Christmas lights
5. A wife who will do N-E-thing in the bedroom
6. A bigger barbque grill
7. To be able to look at internet porn without guilt
8. More time for sports 
9. Someone to have an innocent crush on us
10. An entertainment system that actually works

Wait, what the question again? 

Sorry, I only looked at the title


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## Mom6547

greenpearl said:


> 2: has a stable job ( I work, but I still think my man should be the bread winner, I can supplement)


GP I wanted to say thank you. I don't know if you changed this on purpose, but I wanted to call it out. You say "my" man should be the bread winner. I feel that in times past you would have said "the man" or "a man." I appreciate that you change that to YOUR desire for a breadwinner. It feels good to someone like me for whom following the traditional gender paths doesn't work.

So thanks.


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## Mom6547

Scannerguard said:


> *A. They need some quiet when they come in.*
> 
> Women want to talk and talk and talk and talk as soon as they get in the door (imagine the comedienne hitting this raw nerve). Men by the time 5 p.m. rolls around are all talked out.


There are some days I wish this was universally true. I feel like screaming I AM MAKING DINNER. I DON'T REALLY NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE CODE YOU ARE DOING. Sigh.



> *B. They want their women in a good mood*
> 
> 
> To make a man happy, you've got to be happy.


That is true both ways, and in my opinion, the source of many a marital spiral down to hell.


> It's infectious.
> 
> I would say outta the 3 here. . .this is TOPS for me. Absolute TOPS.


It goes hand in hand with humor. In the ladies lounge there was a somewhat similar thread in which women were asked something about what did it for them. He makes me laugh was right up there. I know DH appreciates my humor.


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## Mom6547

greenpearl said:


> Security is what women want!
> 
> Being faithful, being responsible, being a good provider....
> 
> Sums up, security is what women want!


Not me! (Taking back my thanks.  ). 

I want a partner. I want laughs, joy and fun. A good Dad. Intelligence. Someone with the same values.

I can earn my own money, pay my own bills. I don't need someone else to do that for me.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

chefmaster said:


> Top 10 Things Men Want
> 
> 1. A threesome
> 2. More money
> 3. To wake up once a week to a BJ
> 4. Not to have to put up Christmas lights
> 5. A wife who will do N-E-thing in the bedroom
> 6. A bigger barbque grill
> 7. To be able to look at internet porn without guilt
> 8. More time for sports
> 9. Someone to have an innocent crush on us
> 10. An entertainment system that actually works
> 
> Wait, what the question again?
> 
> Sorry, I only looked at the title


1. Done that
2. Make more than he does
3. Do that also, doesn't always come to attention
4. We don't do Christmas lights
5. I will and have done N-E-thing in the bedroom
6. He got one last year
7. Can and does (no guilt for him at all), I wouldn't have issues if I was getting at least as much attention
8. Only wife in the world whose husband doesn't like sports
9. He'd have to answer this one
10. He does

So with that said, why the hell am I having to beg this man for sex?


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## greenpearl

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Not me! (Taking back my thanks.  ).
> 
> I want a partner. I want laughs, joy and fun. A good Dad. Intelligence. Someone with the same values.
> 
> I can earn my own money, pay my own bills. I don't need someone else to do that for me.


We grow up in a different world! 

Chinese women strongly believe that their men should make more money than them. 

( I read something somewhere, It said that men who make less money than their wives tend to have low self esteem.)

I want laughs, joy, and fun too. Once I read humor is important in a marriage. It helps the relationship stay. 

I want intelligence too, with this, I can have good conversation with him every day, so we don't get bored with each other.


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## chefmaster

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> So with that said, why the hell am I having to beg this man for sex?


Can you describe for me the typical week in the life of you two, including how much time is spent in the mancave?

When you guys aren't in the mancave where are you, and where is he when you are at work? Are eating dinner and watching TV done in the main living and dining room of the house? 
Are there any activities goin on outside the house? Does he go shopping with you and do you guys go anywhere together? How are Christmas decorations coming with the two of you?

What you're last three lovemaking sessions were like with his ED? Who initiated it and under what circumstances. How well it went, how smoothly it went were there major problems? How it ended. What you two did immediately after them?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

chefmaster said:


> Can you describe for me the typical week in the life of you two, including how much time is spent in the mancave?
> 
> When you guys aren't in the mancave where are you, and where is he when you are at work? Are eating dinner and watching TV done in the main living and dining room of the house?
> Are there any activities goin on outside the house? Does he go shopping with you and do you guys go anywhere together? How are Christmas decorations coming with the two of you?
> 
> What you're last three lovemaking sessions were like with his ED? Who initiated it and under what circumstances. How well it went, how smoothly it went were there major problems? How it ended. What you two did immediately after them?


Hopefully I can do this without writing a book.

Typical week:

1. I work 5 days a week approximately 25 miles from our home (wants me to work, I want to work). Get home approximately 5:30 pm each evening, no overtime, no holidays, no weekends.

2. He spends Mon AM as a volunteer at VA hospital (4 hours), then has physical therapy and a PTSD support group. He has speech therapy at VA on Tues, Wed is the same as Mon but no volunteer duties and Thurs is the same as Tues. So he spends about 11-12 hours per week in groups and therapy at the VA. Is home after hospital and all day on Fri.

3. When I get home he is in his mancave. I join him, we chat about days events, then I prepare dinner (or sometimes he has prepared it before I get home - yes - he cooks and is a great cook at that).

4. We eat dinner together in his mancave and then watch TV together until he's ready for bed.

5. We go to bed together and watch TV, he usually falls asleep first (medical issues/meds), then I either go to sleep with him or get up and do a few errands around the house.

6. On weekends we go into town every other Sat and spend the day going out to eat, window shopping, fishing, etc. On Sun I clean house/do laundry, he might work in the yard - when neither of us are doing anything we are in his mancave watching TV.

Watching TV and eating dinner are done together in his mancave. I do not watch TV in another room (used to, but he likes me to be with him now since his brain injury).

When I am at work, he is either at his VA appts, or when no appointments, he either does some work in the yard (hasn't lately though), or watches TV in his mancave. The last few weeks he has not been very motivated and has spent a LOT of time watching TV in his mancave when not at the VA.

Last 3 lovemaking sessions. Had one last Friday - he actually initiated, ED present as usual, he helped me finish, then I helped him through other means (you can PM me if you want more details). The two prior to that were similar, except one actually involved intercourse as he was able to keep his ED at bay. These days he tends to be primarily focused on him (guess I can understand why - but it still hurts), but occasionally is focused on me too. Out of the 3, we mutually initiated one, I initiated the other and he initiated the last one. All three were in about a 6 week period. Afterwards - went to sleep on one, curled up with each other in bed and watched TV until he went to sleep on the other two.

He is on 24 medications daily (blood thinner, BP meds - 4, mood stabilizers, gout, anti-seizure, etc.). And he does tend to drink some at times also (I know - but you can't stop a grown man). 

He is very sexual and continues to be, but not as much towards me and as a couple these days. I know he's been through a lot and I'm trying to be patient - but it gets old and is wearing thin, but I'm hanging in there.

He is 2 years post-injury.


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## ThinkTooMuch

My top wants in no real order

Emotional intimacy
Physical intimacy - everything from kisses to hugs to sex
good conversation
affection and attention
intelligence
caring, both for me and the world
laughter, both a causing and reacting
a good cook who enjoys cooking, leftovers, and the food I prepare
a morning person

As far as objects go I'll put a laptop computer on the objects list, replacing the stereo - iTunes and a broadband connection get a greater variety of music via free "radio" than any imaginable stereo. If I had more room in my wonderful apartment I'd add better speakers than any laptop has.

FYI, I happily left a small fortune of high fidelity gear in CT.

Now that I'm separated, filing in January, PoF.com more than makes up for 64k bits/sec of music.

Agreeing with AFEH, a stereo was my 2nd purchase in '84 - the first was a waterbed.



AFEH said:


> And a stereo lol. Apparently it's the first thing husbands take when they leave so must be important.
> 
> Bob


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## Mom6547

greenpearl said:


> We grow up in a different world!
> 
> Chinese women strongly believe that their men should make more money than them.


I would bet a million dollars that you don't even speak for all Chinese women. I would bet a dollar that there are Chinese women who chafe under that cultural expectation.

Why you need to make everything about what *women* want and not about what YOU want, I just can't understand. Every time you say "women want" this or that, you are basically speaking for about 1/2 the human population, the vast majority you don't even know.


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## sinnister

10 is far too many "wants" for my simple needs. I am a complex individual but my marriage needs are surprisingly very few.

1. Physical intimacy. To me this is how I feel loved. No matter how many times I'm told this is not important, it will always be so for me. And quite frankly, I would have never found this forum if #1 was being fulfilled.

2. Respect. I get this in abundance and at times I get none. But I think that's the natural course of any marriage or long term relationship.

3. To feel like a man. It's a difficult concept to elaborate on, but when I'm with my wife I want to feel like her man. Not just a companion, but a protector. I know it's primitive but I just love to feel this way.


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## moonangel

sinnister said:


> 10 is far too many "wants" for my simple needs. I am a complex individual but my marriage needs are surprisingly very few.
> 
> 1. Physical intimacy. To me this is how I feel loved. No matter how many times I'm told this is not important, it will always be so for me. And quite frankly, I would have never found this forum if #1 was being fulfilled.
> 
> 2. Respect. I get this in abundance and at times I get none. But I think that's the natural course of any marriage or long term relationship.
> 
> 3. To feel like a man. It's a difficult concept to elaborate on, but when I'm with my wife I want to feel like her man. Not just a companion, but a protector. I know it's primitive but I just love to feel this way.


This is perfect.


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## LoveTalks

Here's my list..
1. Respect (Really will want this most, this covers alot of grounds actually including decisions she made)
2. Supportive (i really will like my wife to be real supportive no matter what, advises will be taken seriously)
3. Physical Intimacy (this is men right?)
4. Caring for family
5. Space (we cant be really sticking to one another every single second?)
6. Organized
7. Patience 
8. Fault tolerance (really, who doesnt fault? at least dont quarrel for days over "i spill the milk on the floor")
9. Cheerful (i like happy people) 
10. Love kids ('cause i love kids.. ok, to some extends)


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## 40jane

greenpearl said:


> If a man has everything here on the list, will he be truly happy?
> Will he stay committed?
> 
> A lot of men want power in their life. They want to have successful career. They are not satisfied being simple men in life.
> 
> My ex had everything here on the list. He lost me, because he was discontent!( Do you know how sweet I had been to him? Every evening I would take my son and wait at the gate for him to come home, I still have tears in my eyes when I think of those days. He lost me because he didn't want to be a nobody in his life. He kept on building big dreams.)
> 
> My husband is so happy with me now because he is a simple man. He never wants any power. He just wants a happy organized life.
> 
> So is men's happiness being decided by women?????????


Men's happiness being decided by women? Sure, looks like it!


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## Draguna

Like this thread.

My top 10:

1. Affection
2. Crazy monkey sex
3. Talking/debating stuff
4. Having a nice dinner (doesn't matter if it's me or her who makes it)
5. Someone who respects and accepts me for who I am
6. She has to be her own, independant self
7. Kids

I guess that's all I really want. Maybe some room to game/draw/paint would be nice, but I could live without one.


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