# Getting back into sex



## Gb17 (Aug 31, 2016)

Hello.

Short story is that my wife and I have not had sex for some time but we are making a vow to get back to it this year. Simple tips please for getting back to it bit at a time (eg: we need to build back up to it as she is in a lot of pain with her back) so what else can we do to rekindle things slowly. Time is not an issue so we're willing to take it one step at a time.

All advice welcomed.

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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Are you looking for advice on how to initiate, get her (or you) aroused properly? Or are you more looking for advice on getting reconnected so that sex is back on the table? What specifically seems to be your sticking point?


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## Gb17 (Aug 31, 2016)

We've just not done it for ages. Need to reconnect. Not starting with sex but just a way of starting back in.

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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Go to your bedroom.

Undress each other, laugh, giggle, be nervous.

Start kissing and hugging.


Take it from there.


The desire to be with one another is half the battle, so-to-speak.


This is a great thing; best wishes to you guys.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

What's your stress levels? Kids? How often do you date?


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

To the OP, if I were you, this is what I would do. YOU'RE SO LUCKY!!!

I would make a plan. This is the plan.

Take your wife about an hour away for dinner.

Have your wife bring clothes she thinks is sexy. It can be anything. Make sure she does not show you what it is.

Then get a motel room. But don't go into the motel room yet.

Take your wife out for a romantic dinner with drinks of you drink. Go to a museum. Do things that you would do if you were trying to impress a date.

After you are done going out on the town have your wife go into the motel room and dress in whatever she choose to wear that she thinks is sexy. You stay outside. Then knock on the door. Have your wife open it. Then fulfill your fantasy.

That's what I would do.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I think that if it's been ages and you just jump into it, it can be awkward and the first sexual encounter is important because it sets the tone.

My opinion is to just start dating again. Flirt, kiss, be affectionate and attentive on dates. This will help the emotional connection that is needed to have a fulfilling relationship and sex life.

How bad is her back? Does she have chronic pain? Is her mobility limited? There are sex furniture that help with lumbar support. Check out the liberator.com


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

katiecrna said:


> I think that if it's been ages and you just jump into it, it can be awkward and the first sexual encounter is important because it sets the tone.
> 
> My opinion is to just start dating again. Flirt, kiss, be affectionate and attentive on dates. This will help the emotional connection that is needed to have a fulfilling relationship and sex life.
> 
> How bad is her back? Does she have chronic pain? Is her mobility limited? There are sex furniture that help with lumbar support. Check out the liberator.com


It's going to be awkward, regardless. Ramping up after a long dry spell always is.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I agree. But it's important to build Desire. This way when it comes down to the moment the feelings of Desire and wanting it are greater than being hyper aware of everything your doing and being too much in your head which is really what causes the awkwardness. That Desire makes things feel natural and fun and enjoyable.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Gb17 said:


> All advice welcomed.


The best thing to do is to NOT have any expectations. Talk to your wife ahead of times about how you each will feel if things are awkward or if something is painful (you mentioned her back problems) and what to do. Ideally you would want to focus on emotional bonding instead of the physical pleasures of sex itself.


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## 55pedro1989 (Jan 7, 2017)

Just don't mention any subject remembering problems try to be funny and have the banana 

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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Gb17 said:


> We've just not done it for ages. Need to reconnect. Not starting with sex but just a way of starting back in.
> 
> Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk


how long is 'ages', and how long have you been married, and what are the reasons for no sex in long time?


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## Gb17 (Aug 31, 2016)

Ages is nearly 3 years. Married for 14. And basically not interested but also because it is painful (back pain mainly)

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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Gb17 said:


> Hello.
> 
> Short story is that my wife and I have not had sex for some time but we are making a vow to get back to it this year. Simple tips please for getting back to it bit at a time (eg: we need to build back up to it as she is in a lot of pain with her back) so what else can we do to rekindle things slowly. *Time is not an issue so we're willing to take it one step at a time.
> *
> ...


i love your attitude that 'time is not an issue and take things slowly'

like the others are saying; start dating again and don't make sex the object of dating. let everything happen naturally.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Gb17 said:


> Ages is nearly 3 years. Married for 14. And basically not interested but also because it is painful (back pain mainly)


Setting the act itself of sex aside, how does she feel about you desiring to have sex with her again?

Most likely she feels some sort of anxiety, and you need to determine WHY. 

I have suffered back pain so horrible that I could barely walk with a cane for two months. During that time my libido skyrocketed as I was stuck in bed with nothing else to do.


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