# A wedding gift to forget



## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

Hi, first time poster here. I found this site while searching for marriage forums and I am hoping for a little feedback and hopefully some support so I know I am not in the wrong here. Maybe I am, but at any rate, in my mind I feel like I have a right to be upset.

I am 23 and my wife is 21. We are newlywed since June 4 of this year. We have known each other for about 1.5 years and have a great relationship, great sex life and basically the same moral compass, or so I thought. Shortly after returning from our two week honeymoon in Aruba she presented me with a gift, or at least in her mind it was a gift. It was a photo album with a gold cover and very professional photographs of my wife inside. At first I didn't think the pics were of her because they were so elegant and she was so made up that she almost looked different. It turns out that about 2 months before the wedding she had contacted a photographer to take some "sensual" pics as a present for me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the pics. Most were poses wearing bra and panties set or a nightgown. Sensual poses but not ****ty or anything. However toward the and there were poses that I consider to be inappropriate. One for example showed her wearing just a garter belt although you couldn't see anything because she was standing sideways with her arms bent to cover her breasts and her left leg in front of her right so you couldn't see anything there either. However there was one that showed her sitting down facing the camera wearing white panties and a wedding veil and you could CLEARLY see her breasts through the veil. The view was "softened" somewhat but you could clearly see her nipples and the last one was taken from above her as she was laying down and her breasts were COMPLETELY exposed and she was wearing just the white panties again and a white "choker", or whatever those things are that goes around your neck. my heart utterly sank when I saw this and i felt so humiliated. It got even worse when i found out it was a male photographer who took the pictures!

I am beyond angry and heartbroken. She says I am making a big deal for nothing, that this is something lots of wives give their husbands these days but I have never heard of such a thing. She wants me to have something when we are old and grey that will show how beautiful she was but why can't I take pics for her for that?? I told her I think that's basically cheating to show another man her breasts because and I have even told her this before, I consider a woman's breasts to be the ultimate "intimate" spot for her husband. We have not spoken for days and I don't know how I can get beyond this. I feel betrayed basically. I mean she doesn't even skinny dip with me when we are alone at the river where half the people that go there do. 

I definitely don't want to divorce over something like this but I am just having a really bad time coming to grips with what she did. Please, I don't need to be attacked by militant feminists over this, I just want some advice on what to do and how to get past it.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Um.........yea. I'm out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

As I see it there are several options:-

Get some photos of yourself -same style- done by a female photographer. Obviously with you not wearing a wedding veil. Well, unless you really wanted to wear the veil! 

Arrange counselling.

Get an annulment.

Ignore it.

Go back to the photographer and do a couple's session.

And remember, if he is as good as you report, book him in advance to do your kid's photos, too.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

The problem here isn't whether what she did was right or wrong. The problem is that she gave you a gift and you are offended by it. Don't try to convince her. Just let her know that you are hurt and offended that she would expose herself to another man and whomever else has seen the photos. This is not up for debate. That's how you feel. You are not attacking her or calling her bad. You are simply saying that you consider this to be a huge boundary violation and want her to understand that she is never to expose herself like that again. If she doesn't see anything wrong with what she did, then she cannot really apologize, but at least she can honor your boundary from here on out. Then let it go. Let go of your anger and work together to honor each other.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

This will be a very vanilla marriage.

Good luck!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Professional photographers and especially the types that do boudoir sessions are a bit like medical professionals... Unless you have a few thousands of dollars laying around to buy Nikon stuff and a few years to learn how to do those shots, let the pros do it. Believe me they've seen more skin in art and studio classes than most of us will see in a lifetime


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

BobSimmons said:


> This will be a very vanilla marriage.
> 
> Good luck!


If having a vanilla marriage means excluding others from seeing my wifes' breasts then i am all for it, thanks.


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> The problem here isn't whether what she did was right or wrong. The problem is that she gave you a gift and you are offended by it. Don't try to convince her. Just let her know that you are hurt and offended that she would expose herself to another man and whomever else has seen the photos. This is not up for debate. That's how you feel. You are not attacking her or calling her bad. You are simply saying that you consider this to be a huge boundary violation and want her to understand that she is never to expose herself like that again. If she doesn't see anything wrong with what she did, then she cannot really apologize, but at least she can honor your boundary from here on out. Then let it go. Let go of your anger and work together to honor each other.


That's the problem, she doesn't think she did anything wrong. No apologies, nothing, she doesn't even see my point of view, which is surprising because I always thought I knew her but apparently, I didn't. I am thinking about seeing a marriage councilor but I know when I bring it up to her she'll go off the deep end for sure.:frown2:


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Breasts are the ultimate "intimate" spot for you? Does that mean you would be less upset if he had head-on labia shots?

No one can tell you not to be upset, but you are in the early stages of tossing a winning Powerball ticket in the shredder. Think long and hard about how you proceed. Even if she made a mistake, she clearly was doing something very special for you. Your actions now will either be a bridge to better understanding and communication or fatal poison that will kill your marriage. Don't screw this up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

john117 said:


> Professional photographers and especially the types that do boudoir sessions are a bit like medical professionals... Unless you have a few thousands of dollars laying around to buy Nikon stuff and a few years to learn how to do those shots, let the pros do it. Believe me they've seen more skin in art and studio classes than most of us will see in a lifetime


I can understand that and the pics are by and large beautiful but was there really a need for the bare breast shots? When you are about to be married no less? You can take sensual pics without having to actually show the goodies


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

RadarRat said:


> That's the problem, she doesn't think she did anything wrong. No apologies, nothing, she doesn't even see my point of view, which is surprising because I always thought I knew her but apparently, I didn't. I am thinking about seeing a marriage councilor but I know when I bring it up to her she'll go off the deep end for sure.:frown2:


You think what she did was wrong. Trying to convince her of that is pointless. This is a disagreement. You will have a lot of these in marriage. It's okay to disagree as long as you are respectful of each other's feelings, even when you disagree. Understand that she did this out of a loving heart. She did not think you would be offended. She thought you would love these photos. It is important that you understand her point of view.

Again, do not try to convince her that you are right and she is wrong. Explain to her how you feel and that you don't ever want her to expose herself to another man again, except for medical reasons. Make sure she understands that and will agree to your boundary. If she doesn't agree to that boundary then you have a problem, but as long as you don't put her on the defensive and you explain to her this is your boundary that shouldn't be a problem.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I think you are blowing this up totally out of proportion. If this is the worst problem you have in your marriage, you will be fortunate indeed.

Just tell her you appreciate the thought but you prefer her nudity to be reserved for you alone, and drop the subject.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RadarRat said:


> If having a vanilla marriage means excluding others from seeing my wifes' breasts then i am all for it, thanks.


No topless beaches, then?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Something you might also want to consider:
The way that you feel about her breasts could become a problem in the future. I used to be pretty modest about my breasts, but after have three breastfeeding children and having a life where I left the house regularly and they needed to be fed when they were hungry, I gave up on being particularly modest of my breasts. My baby's nutritional needs came first and I fed them whenever they were hungry. When babies grow, they become very wiggly and sometimes it's impossible to stay 100% covered. I didn't flop them out or anything, but I'm just saying, when someone else is pulling on them and trying to see what's going on around them at the same time, which babies will do, it can be a problem to keep them covered up.

So you might want to think about this now and prepare for when you have babies that need to be fed.

I think it's sweet that you are so protective of your wife's modesty, but be careful that you don't put her into a difficult position. And remember that she had those photos taken for you, her one and only. The love of her life. She's probably feeling really terrible that you didn't like her gift. I'll bet she was really excited about it and expecting a much different response from you. It's okay that you feel upset, but please try to understand that she had no idea this would upset you. Quite the opposite.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> You think what she did was wrong. Trying to convince her of that is pointless. *This is a disagreement. You will have a lot of these in marriage. It's okay to disagree as long as you are respectful of each other's feelings, even when you disagree. Understand that she did this out of a loving heart. She did not think you would be offended. She thought you would love these photos. It is important that you understand her point of view.*
> 
> Again, do not try to convince her that you are right and she is wrong. Explain to her how you feel and that you don't ever want her to expose herself to another man again, except for medical reasons. Make sure she understands that and will agree to your boundary. If she doesn't agree to that boundary then you have a problem, but as long as you don't put her on the defensive and you explain to her this is your boundary that shouldn't be a problem.


 @RadarRat
If you only get one thing out of posting here...I pray it is was is highlighted above. I hope you haven't said anything about it to her yet. PLEASE understand, what she did for you out of love was probably one of the hardest, most self-conscious couple hours of her entire life -and she endured it for YOU. If you shame, embarrass, ridicule, or express the slightest negative about this...you WILL crush her. This will be an event called a "Critical Moment" in your new marriage. 

If you cannot appreciate what she did for you....i would recommend you NEVER speak of it. Don't get into a discussion of your feelings on the matter...she will never hear any of it. She will simply drown in her humiliation. 

I would hope you could delight in what she gave you...you have NO IDEA what a rare find you have in her. If you screw this up...its gonna haunt you forever. 

this is NOT YOUR HILL TO DIE ON


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> Something you might also want to consider:
> The way that you feel about her breasts could become a problem in the future. I used to be pretty modest about my breasts, but after have three breastfeeding children and having a life where I left the house regularly and they needed to be fed when they were hungry, I gave up on being particularly modest of my breasts. My baby's nutritional needs came first and I fed them whenever they were hungry. When babies grow, they become very wiggly and sometimes it's impossible to stay 100% covered. I didn't flop them out or anything, but I'm just saying, when someone else is pulling on them and trying to see what's going on around them at the same time, which babies will do, it can be a problem to keep them covered up.
> 
> So you might want to think about this now and prepare for when you have babies that need to be fed.
> ...


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> Something you might also want to consider:
> The way that you feel about her breasts could become a problem in the future. I used to be pretty modest about my breasts, but after have three breastfeeding children and having a life where I left the house regularly and they needed to be fed when they were hungry, I gave up on being particularly modest of my breasts. My baby's nutritional needs came first and I fed them whenever they were hungry. When babies grow, they become very wiggly and sometimes it's impossible to stay 100% covered. I didn't flop them out or anything, but I'm just saying, when someone else is pulling on them and trying to see what's going on around them at the same time, which babies will do, it can be a problem to keep them covered up.
> 
> So you might want to think about this now and prepare for when you have babies that need to be fed.
> ...


I hear what you are saying about breastfeeding, and I actually am a big believer in it, but that's more of a necessity than this. If your baby is hungry all else takes a back seat. I would have no problem with that. But willingly taking your bra off in front of another man when you could have gotten some beautiful pics by leaving it on is a different story. And I have a hard time believing that it would never have entered her mind that I wouldn't be negatively affected by the idea of another man seeing her half naked.

However, what's done is done. If I can't get past it we were never meant to be. Thanks for your responses:smile2:


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> No topless beaches, then?


Perhaps you missed the part in my original post that stated she wouldn't even do that with me when we were alone.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

I don't think it's really an issue about whether or not the OP likes the pics. It's clear he likes them. If the pics were taken by a timed delay with no one present, then I don't think it would be an issue. The issue is his wife thought nothing about exposing herself to a total stranger who is not her doctor. Women often get paid to do this; it's called nude modeling. I think the OP has a legitimate concern about his wife's boundary. He should gently talk to her about why she was okay with exposing herself to a stranger. Her answer could be telling. If she agrees to put up stronger boundary, this should be laid to rest. 

How much do you really know your wife, OP? We all think we know someone until they show us, otherwise.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

RadarRat said:


> And I have a hard time believing that it would never have entered her mind that I wouldn't be negatively affected by the idea of another man seeing her half naked.


That's not what she was thinking. She was thinking about you. If you can't wrap your mind around that, your marriage is in trouble. Why on earth would she present you with a gift in order to piss you off? Does that make any sense at all? Especially this kind of gift that is obviously for you to cherish.



RadarRat said:


> However, what's done is done. If I can't get past it we were never meant to be. Thanks for your responses:smile2:


This is really sad. Your beautiful new wife goes out and does something just for you that she expects will turn you on and make you want her even more. Instead you have a visceral reaction to it and don't know if you can even forgive her. I hope this isn't how you normally treat your wife. If so, things are not going to go very well for you. 

I'll have to say that your attitude towards your wife is unkind and lacking in grace.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

RadarRat said:


> Perhaps you missed the part in my original post that stated she wouldn't even do that with me when we were alone.


I would sit down and gently ask her why she wouldn't even do this with you but she could go topless in front of a total stranger. Don't attack or belittle her, but ask.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I don't know how this specific photographer works but often the client dictates what will be done. The photographer takes the pics and post processes them. So I think she may have indicated what to do more than he did.

Having said this, and having seen studio art classes of that type, again I'm reiterating what everyone else said. It's an incredible gift, so treasure it for your old days.

Today the missus and I were at Home Depot. She's 57 and in top shape and was wearing a top that could be considered a few clicks north of "what was she thinking" cleavage wise by many. She gave the carpet section guy some very choice (unintended) views.... 

That's how it is. But the Home Depot guy isn't a professional photographer


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RadarRat said:


> Perhaps you missed the part in my original post that stated she wouldn't even do that with me when we were alone.


I ignored that. As should you.

Why? Because things could be different now.

Incidentally the snapper, was he straight or gay?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

The scary thing about this is that the photographer has the master copy of her pics. Let's hope your wife doesn't run for political office, OP. >


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

john117 said:


> I don't know how this specific photographer works but often the client dictates what will be done. The photographer takes the pics and post processes them. So I think she may have indicated what to do more than he did.
> 
> Having said this, and having seen studio art classes of that type, again I'm reiterating what everyone else said. It's an incredible gift, so treasure it for your old days.
> 
> ...


But that Home Depot worker is now thinking, perhaps for the first time in years, "Hey. I love my job!" 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> I don't think it's really an issue about whether or not the OP likes the pics. It's clear he likes them. If the pics were taken by a timed delay with no one present, then I don't think it would be an issue. The issue is his wife thought nothing about exposing herself to a total stranger who is not her doctor. Women often get paid to do this; it's called nude modeling. I think the OP has a legitimate concern about his wife's boundary. He should gently talk to her about why she was okay with exposing herself to a stranger. Her answer could be telling. If she agrees to put up stronger boundary, this should be laid to rest.
> 
> How much do you really know your wife, OP? We all think we know someone until they show us, otherwise.


Thank you! That's the entire crux of the matter. I even told her the pics were beautiful but the last two made me feel uncomfortable and disrespected. Lingerie pics and even partial nudity that is hidden do just as well. So why bare the breasts completely?

How much do I know her? I really don't know at this point. I thought I knew her a lot more than I do now


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So does this mean she can't have a male doctor? 

I mean, he might have to look at and touch her breasts.

Both of my kids were delivered by male doctors who saw lots of intimate things. They're professionals, that's what they do. 

And I've had breast exams by male doctors. 

They're not getting thrills, they're looking for cancer. 

Sounds like a big deal over very little. 

Just ask her not to do something like that again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I was hoping for a discount..


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> I would sit down and gently ask her why she wouldn't even do this with you but she could go topless in front of a total stranger. Don't attack or belittle her, but ask.


She said she didn't want someone to come by and see us. Go figure.


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> So does this mean she can't have a male doctor?
> 
> I mean, he might have to look at and touch her breasts.
> 
> ...


Sorry but i don't equate doctor visits which are necessary for your health to posing topless for racy photos. Just my opinion.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> That's not what she was thinking. She was thinking about you. If you can't wrap your mind around that, your marriage is in trouble. Why on earth would she present you with a gift in order to piss you off? Does that make any sense at all? Especially this kind of gift that is obviously for you to cherish.
> 
> 
> This is really sad. Your beautiful new wife goes out and does something just for you that she expects will turn you on and make you want her even more. Instead you have a visceral reaction to it and don't know if you can even forgive her. I hope this isn't how you normally treat your wife. If so, things are not going to go very well for you.
> ...


 @CynthiaDe has some good points on this, so the question now is what her boundaries will be from here on out. If you can calmly and lovingly communicate that to her, and she sees your point of view, then accept this gift in the spirit it was intended. You two may laugh about it one day. However, if she doesn't see this as a boundary issue, well then... you two have a lot more communication to do. To disarm her and get her to talk to you, you should consider apologizing if you were disrespectful in your reaction. It helps to write down what you want to say, meditate on it, and give it a go.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I would be totally blown away and happy if my fiancée did this for me. 

Boudoir photographers are professionals dude. And remember, it wasn't just your wife and a male photographer in a room together by themselves. I can guarantee he probably had a female assistant doing your wife's hair and makeup, helping her with the outfits...

There was nothing intimate here. This was a photo shoot by a professional photographer who does this for a living and for money. Your wife paid him. She didn't flirt with him or screw him, and like a previous poster said she probably found some of it uncomfortable. But she did it for her man because she loves him. 

So what is next? Are you going to get pissed when your wife has a male obstetrician or gynecologist looking at her puss? How much grief will you give her when that happens?

There are men on this forum who would give their left nut to have a wife who is as into them as your wife is into you, although I have no idea why she would be. Grow your prude ass up and be grateful you have a woman like her.

There are men on this forum who's wives really are cheating on them, and you come on here whining about this. Please. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> So does this mean she can't have a male doctor?
> 
> I mean, he might have to look at and touch her breasts.
> 
> ...


To be fair, doctors don't keep high quality pictorials of their patients in an undressed state.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RadarRat said:


> She said she didn't want someone to come by and see us. Go figure.


Gee. And the fact that your reaction when she said no to getting her baps out in public actually made her think you might like some photos of said baps, has not figured in your thinking to any degree at all. Has it?

You are sounding like a middle aged Baptist preacher man from the 1950s, not a virile young man from the 21st century.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

RadarRat said:


> How much do I know her? I really don't know at this point. I thought I knew her a lot more than I do now


We could do a more thorough analysis of your situation if we could see the pictures. Seriously RR, if her taking a few glamour shots for you is all you've got to worry about, you're way ahead my man. 
Here's a bit of advice that will go a long way. Don't FU your honeymoon and lower your wife's romantic interest in you by stewing in your juices over this. You're already looking like a insecure ingrate by denying her the joy of a gift she went to a hell of a lot of trouble to do. Keep up showing the little lady how displeased you are and how you, "really don't know at this point. I thought I knew her a lot more than I do now" and you be like the titanic running into an iceburg. 
But hell Dawg, I know you think I wrong. You may just have to find it out for yourself.


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

Banned-It.45 said:


> I would be totally blown away and happy if my fiancée did this for me.
> 
> Boudoir photographers are professionals dude. And remember, it wasn't just your wife and a male photographer in a room together by themselves. I can guarantee he probably had a female assistant doing your wife's hair and makeup, helping her with the outfits...
> 
> ...


Me and my wife have a great relationship. I treat her with respect. She wouldn't have married me otherwise. We have a disagreement. I didn't shout, throw things, call her names or anything like that. We had a civil discussion and I thought I'd come here and get others opinions on the matter. You don't know me or my wife chief, so keep your patronizing comments to yourself. I'm looking for mature suggestions, not smart ass comments from the class clown


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

RadarRat said:


> She said she didn't want someone to come by and see us. Go figure.


Uh, when you're both alone in the house with the doors locked, no one can see her until she has put her clothes back on and go open the door (assuming no one else has the key, but really, what are the chances of that happening?).


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RadarRat said:


> Me and my wife have a great relationship. I treat her with respect. She wouldn't have married me otherwise. We have a disagreement. I didn't shout, throw things, call her names or anything like that. We had a civil discussion and I thought I'd come here and get others opinions on the matter. You don't know me or my wife chief, so keep your patronizing comments to yourself. I'm looking for mature suggestions, not smart ass comments from the class clown


Sorry. Can't hear you clearly. There now seems to be a loud whining noise that is interfering with what you are saying.

And dial back on the insults, young man. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Uh, when you're both alone in the house with the doors locked, no one can see her until she has put her clothes back on and go open the door (assuming no one else has the key, but really, what are the chances of that happening?).


I don't follow you? She says she doesn't want others to see her naked at the river.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Since from the OP's tone that this is not a deal breaker, then my rule of thumb is to mend fences. Make the big problem small, and make the small problems disappear.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

becareful2 said:


> Uh, when you're both alone in the house with the doors locked, no one can see her until she has put her clothes back on and go open the door (assuming no one else has the key, but really, what are the chances of that happening?).


What if the house is made of glass? 

Bet that's why they do not allow stones there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

RadarRat said:


> I don't follow you? She says she doesn't want others to see her naked at the river.


Oh, my mistake. In my mind, I was picturing her at home. I forgot about the river. 

In that case, she's right to not want to expose herself to the people at the river.

And this thread is not related to infidelity, in my humble opinion.


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Oh, my mistake. In my mind, I was picturing her at home. I forgot about the river.
> 
> In that case, she's right to not want to expose herself to the people at the river.
> 
> And this thread is not related to infidelity, in my humble opinion.


Nope, it isn't :grin2:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

becareful2 said:


> Since from the OP's tone that this is not a deal breaker, then my rule of thumb is to mend fences. Make the big problem small, and make the small problems disappear.


Really? A couple of posts back he was talking about dumping her if he can't get over this.

In my opinion he needs to be able to get over himself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Really? A couple of posts back he was talking about dumping her if he can't get over this.
> 
> In my opinion he needs to be able to get over himself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LoL so lets hear your sob story Matty boy


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Go. Apologize. Talk to her.

Make-up sex is great. 

Profit. lol


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

I smell a troll


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RadarRat said:


> Nope, it isn't :grin2:


Then why did you post it in the Coping with infidelity section?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

You can't call yourself a troll. You'll get banned! :wink2:


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Then why did you post it in the Coping with infidelity section?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG yer a slow one huh goofy


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> You can't call yourself a troll. You'll get banned! :wink2:


Oh no! 0


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RadarRat said:


> OMG yer a slow one huh goofy


Far from slow sonny. Very far from slow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Far from slow sonny. Very far from slow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you figured it out yet?


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Come on folks, I called this in the very first post. We are being taken on a proverbial ride.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

rockon said:


> Come on folks, I called this in the very first post. We are being taken on a proverbial ride.


Me too. It's sad really.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

rockon said:


> Come on folks, I called this in the very first post. We are being taken on a proverbial ride.


WHAT?!?!?!? How dare you!:wink2:


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## RadarRat (Jul 23, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Me too. It's sad really.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Someone close this thread. I am sick of the trolling going on.:frown2:


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

RadarRat said:


> Someone close this thread. I am sick of the trolling going on.:frown2:


Lenzi?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RadarRat said:


> Perhaps you missed the part in my original post that stated she wouldn't even do that with me when we were alone.


I feel like I have read this before? 

Have you talked to her, maybe in her mind taking the picture was just like being at the doctor. Maybe there was no sexual aspect to it between her and the photographer. She was taking the shots for you.  

Taking some boob shots doesn't mean she is going to cheat on you. 

I get that you don't like another guy looking at her boobs but her motives were good, she wasn't hiding anything. Next time she will know that her nakedness is precious to you. I am sure this photographer has seen lots of boobs in his time. 

Give your wife a break. Even if you don't like it it was done in love. Your wife doesn't have the same level of modesty that you do, that is totally fine, she is a different person then you.

The bigger picture is you will have a much better marriage and better relationships in general if you judge people by their motives not their actions. There is going to be be times in your marriage like this where your wife is going to do stuff that you wouldn't do yourself. That is perfectly OK, as long as her motives are not harmful that that is life. There are going to be things that you both don't agree on, that just the nature of being two different people. As long as they are not life changing then you need to learn how to be fine with this because it is a staple of adult life. 

Talk about boundaries and what you expect. Sounds like you didn't have this conversation. Bottom line, talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I knew I read this before.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

rockon said:


> Come on folks, I called this in the very first post. We are being taken on a proverbial ride.


Dammit. Here and i thought someone might actually get some help on this thread. Although, I kinda hope it was troll.....cause..i couldn't imagine the horror fro a new wife to have a gift like that questioned...I had this mental image of it going down and all I could hear was that line from apocalypse now..._"The Horror....the horror...the horror"_"..................cue new wife tears


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

,


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

,


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Gee what guy wouldn't want his wife posing naked for another guy?

I mean he's a professional he prolly has one of those nice certificates from Walmart. They're kinda like doctors right?

He could save money too. Maybe he could do a Pap Smear in between poses. 

You prolly just need to buy an add on sticker to put on his certificate he got at Walmart. Prolly and extra 5 dollars or so.

Later on he could maybe even deliver their baby. They could pay for an extra sticker. A lot cheaper than a hospital. He could prolly snap a few too. Kinda record the moment!!!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> What if the house is made of glass?
> 
> Bet that's why they do not allow stones there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You mean the Farnsworth House?


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## sparrow5555 (Jul 24, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> That's not what she was thinking. She was thinking about you. If you can't wrap your mind around that, your marriage is in trouble. Why on earth would she present you with a gift in order to piss you off? Does that make any sense at all? Especially this kind of gift that is obviously for you to cherish.
> 
> 
> This is really sad. Your beautiful new wife goes out and does something just for you that she expects will turn you on and make you want her even more. Instead you have a visceral reaction to it and don't know if you can even forgive her. I hope this isn't how you normally treat your wife. If so, things are not going to go very well for you.
> ...



What an utterly disgusting, manipulative and an agenda based reply. 
You actually made me create an account. 

What the hell is wrong with you ?


Just because his wife meant it to be a gift for him does not make it one. The same thing applies to him too. He cannot do something he wants and then twist it into a gift for his wife. He is coming from a place where he is trying to understand the situation. You pathetic and pointless attacks and insults are not useful one bit. 

People have different attitudes to nudity that might not align with yours.If you haven't read the OP, go read it first. His wife does not even get naked in front of him. Perhaps, you see OP issues with the whole thing.


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## sparrow5555 (Jul 24, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> So does this mean she can't have a male doctor?
> 
> I mean, he might have to look at and touch her breasts.
> 
> ...



In fact, why couldn't I use the same logic for porn ? In fact many porn people call it performance, not actual sex because they do it for a living..

People who shoot porn are not looking for thrills either. It is just work for them too. 

Yes, I am being facetious intentionally.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

But... I guess the OP hasn't seen any porn. Because it would be immoral or something to see a woman's breasts if he isn't married to her.

And how can you be perturbed by her for not getting naked in public, but pissed about the breasts? Makes no sense. 

None of this makes sense. 

So you tell her that you love her, you think she is sexy, and you will always cherish this gift. Then ask her to never show her breasts, and I guess the labia too unless you don't have a problem with that, to another man because it drives you crazy and you want her all to yourself. Then make mad, passionate love to her....and never bring up skinny dipping again.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

sparrow5555 said:


> His wife does not even get naked in front of him. Perhaps, you see OP issues with the whole thing.


He said she wouldn't get topless at a public swimming spot. Never said she wouldn't get naked in front of him.

Anyway, you created an account for nothing, he's already admitted to being a troll.


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## SkyeBoat (Jul 24, 2016)

This is kind of a sad story, and it really comes from a place of you two not really knowing each other that well, despite the year and a half you've been together.

If she was an actress and she showed her breasts on camera, would you be upset? Maybe you would, but for the most part no one questions actresses showing their breasts because it's in a professional setting. There really is no reason to think that the relationship between photographer and subject is going to be anything but entirely professional. She didn't have those photos done because she got a thrill out of exposing herself to the photographer or was hoping to have an affair with him. If that was her reason, I very much doubt she would have given you the photos.

Lots of guys would be fine with this. Thrilled, even. And a guy who would be happy to have sexy photos of his wife is generally going to be a guy who doesn't expect a photographer to be soliciting his clients, and he's probably also someone who feels lucky to have a wife who is confident and sexy and wants to him to have photos of her that say as much. That's the guy your wife thought you were, or she wouldn't have given you those photos.

This doesn't come from a bad place. It comes from a different place. She's not trying to hurt you. She just thinks differently than you do. 

Tell her you don't really feel comfortable having sexy pictures of her, and you appreciate the gesture but it's just not your thing. It's probably too late, but don't bring up the part where you don't like that she was naked in front of the photographer. Then it becomes an issue of trust--you don't trust her to keep her hands off of other men, and a lack of trust is a very bad place for a marriage to begin.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Folks, the OP has been banned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Could this thread be locked, please?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

sparrow5555 said:


> In fact, why couldn't I use the same logic for porn ? In fact many porn people call it performance, not actual sex because they do it for a living..
> 
> People who shoot porn are not looking for thrills either. It is just work for them too.
> 
> Yes, I am being *facetious* intentionally.




Now see, I thought this was another sock puppet of the poor sad fellow whose life is so empty. But when I saw the big vocabulary word used correctly, I realized you probably aren't that sad fellow.

But then I noticed this 



sparow5555 said:


> What an utterly disgusting, manipulative and an agenda based reply.
> You actually made me create an account.
> 
> What the hell is wrong with you ?


I think you really need to find some meaning in your life. How sad.

Congrats on downloading a dictionary/thesaurus.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Folks, the OP has been banned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Tapatalk does not show the banning of someone. Really like your suggestion of a EU based mod who can lock a thread.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Could this thread be locked, please?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why does the thread need to be locked? Just because the OP was insincere doesn't mean that the topic can't be helpful to someone else and generate a compelling discussion.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

*Re: A wedding gift to forgetb*



zookeeper said:


> Why does the thread need to be locked? Just because the OP was insincere doesn't mean that the topic can't be helpful to someone else and generate a compelling discussion.


Thought police wants it locked.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

zookeeper said:


> Why does the thread need to be locked? Just because the OP was insincere doesn't mean that the topic can't be helpful to someone else and generate a compelling discussion.


There is a difference between being insincere and being a deliberate troll.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> There is a difference between being insincere and being a deliberate troll.


How does that void the worth of the conversation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

zookeeper said:


> How does that void the worth of the conversation?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




The mission statement of this site is to offer advice to real people telling real stories.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

zookeeper said:


> How does that void the worth of the conversation?


It is true that sometimes threads started by trolls do lead to good discussions that have value. It's not unusual at all.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

john117 said:


> Professional photographers and especially the types that do boudoir sessions are a bit like medical professionals... Unless you have a few thousands of dollars laying around to buy Nikon stuff and a few years to learn how to do those shots, let the pros do it. Believe me they've seen more skin in art and studio classes than most of us will see in a lifetime


Same with gynecologists and massage therapists, but my husband still doesn't want me going to a male one. I think it's silly, but there are enough female massage therapists and doctors out there that I have no trouble accommodating his feelings.

If I took photos like this with a male photographer my husband definitely would not be okay with it or appreciate the "gift." Even if the photographer was gay. Seriously - topless and in lingerie in front of some guy other than her partner? WTH was she THINKING?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> Same with gynecologists and massage therapists, but my husband still doesn't want me going to a male one. I think it's silly, but there are enough female massage therapists and doctors out there that I have no trouble accommodating his feelings.
> 
> If I took photos like this with a male photographer my husband definitely would not be okay with it or appreciate the "gift." Even if the photographer was gay. Seriously - topless and in lingerie in front of some guy other than her partner? WTH was she THINKING?


The "wife" in this case was not capable of thinking.

Why? Because she has no existence in reality.

She only existed within the febrile immagination of the person who started this thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

How dare she! Just get back at her with a photo shoot of your own. Here's some inspiration...


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it sounds like you two really do not know each other very well. She is open to fairly kinky provocative sexual things, and you are very vanilla. You...did not discuss sex _*before *_you got married? I wonder if you are compatible for the future.

I would really sit your new wife down and discuss sex, what you expect, what she wants, and see if you can hammer it all out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> it sounds like you two really do not know each other very well. She is open to fairly kinky provocative sexual things, and you are very vanilla. You...did not discuss sex _*before *_you got married? I wonder if you are compatible for the future.
> 
> I would really sit your new wife down and discuss sex, what you expect, what she wants, and see if you can hammer it all out.


This was a thread started by a troll.

The couple depicted did not exist.


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