# What now?



## loiue (Sep 7, 2011)

If anybody has read my previous post on the same forum than you will know a little about my situation.

Me and DH dont have sex very often and even then it isnt exciting...he is not interested and has told me so.

So we have been communicating. The reason he has lost his drive, I was sexually abused when I was 15 by a family member and it occurred more than once.
Me and DH were togeather at the time and have been togeather since. I kept quiet at the time because I was told not to tell anyone and threatened to be taken away from my family and DH. 
I kept quiet after I moved out because I was afriad to lose DH, I didnt want to hurt him when nothing could be done about it. We started a family and a life togeather and then I just didnt tell him because of the family, our life, his feeling...well the list goes on.
He found out just over a year ago when a in law exposed a family member to the family about what had happened to this person as they were in a bitter break up at the time. Well once it all came out my partner asked me if anything happened and i finally admitted it. I told him of the details that i could remeber.
He initially was great and supported me. We even reported it to the police.
As time wore on the detail have started to bother him. He gets upset that I kept it from him. He feels i might have enjoyed it. He worries that this person was better bigger etc. I have told him that it is not the case. Anyway he throws it back in my face, calls me names, says me and my 'mate' whenever we talk. He has lost his passion for me. We get along well other wise.

What should i do now? 
Should i feel guilty for keeping it from him? He doesnt seem to want to talk or work things out, i understand that. But he says he loves me and wants to try but then i get this bitterness and the lack of sexual activity is making me mad sometimes.


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

loiue said:


> If anybody has read my previous post on the same forum than you will know a little about my situation.
> 
> Me and DH dont have sex very often and even then it isnt exciting...he is not interested and has told me so.
> 
> ...


I can understand that your husband would be very upset that you did not tell him this important bit of information. He has a right to feel that way..........BUT calling you names  and inferring that you enjoyed it, that is NOT ok. You and he both need to get some self help books or attend some counseling sessions with someone who specializes in sexual abuse so you can work through your own trauma and so he can understand what you dealt with and he really needs to get a grip and put it in the right prospective as sexual abuse is not consensual. You also need to set a firm boundary in that you will NOT tolerate him calling you names. That is just so wrong and it makes me angry for you at him. 

I'm a survivor myself of sexual abuse and if any man called me a name because of that history, he would find his sorry arse out my door in about 2 seconds and he would most likely be found with a frying pan indention in the side of his head.


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## NewlyWedMomy (Sep 10, 2011)

First off... I'm sorry you went through that! I myself went through the same thing but I was much younger (8 years old). 

SECOND- HOW DARE HE throw this in your face! I'm sorry but that alone would make me pack my things and my kids things and leave! He should be supportive 100000000000%!!!!! Not mocking you and making you feel even worse about it! You have got to put this to in end! If he CHooses to be an Ahole about what happened to you as a child then let him but how dare he treat you this way!!!! I can't even imagine!! :::HUGS:::

THIRD- You personally need to get some therapy to deal with what happened when you were 15 hun. I myself REFUSED to get help and over the years I took the things I went through out on myself! I didn't get help till I was 19 1/2! You need to talk to a therapist and get some closer! And DH ISN'T HELPING!!! I hope you TRULY take to heart what we are saying hun cause this is NOT healthy and I truly feel for you hun!!! Hope you got some needed answers!!


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