# Where do i go from here?



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I am still here, Still married and everything is the exact same as it was.. I have given up completely. I am MISERABLE and I cant see an end to it. I am depressed and it worsens a little more everyday..

I am done trying!! I don't know what else i can do but give up. He doesn't see there is anything wrong or just doesn't care. Even after all the talks we have had about it. Then he gets mad at me when i do bring it up. 

I guess according to him there is something wrong with me, because, of my drive. Is there really something wrong with me because I want/need sex? I have been trying to figure out what I have done for the last 2 years! AND I come up with nothing. I have been a good wife/mother even to his 3 children I treat them as if they are my own. AND he is not telling me what I have done or what I can do to make us better.

I am no longer emotionally attached to him and haven't been a quite a while. I don't talk to him unless he starts a conversation and i am not really in it.

We have had sex 4 times this year and we are already 7 months into the year. We are more like roommates the only difference is we still sleep in the same bed. There is no affection whatsoever. 

I don't really know where I go from here. There are only 2 options i can see right now. 1. Live like this for the rest of my life OR 2. Get out because i have nothing left to give. I am an empty shell and nothing i have tried has worked.. And i feel like i am out of options at this point.


----------



## drillie (Aug 23, 2010)

ladybird said:


> It has been a while since I have posted anything. I am still here, Still married and everything is the exact same as it was.. I have given up completely. I am MISERABLE and I cant see an end to it. I am depressed and it worsens a little more everyday..
> 
> I am done trying!! I don't know what else i can do but give up. He doesn't see there is anything wrong or just doesn't care. Even after all the talks we have had about it. Then he gets mad at me when i do bring it up.
> 
> ...


There is a saying that goes something like this. "Make a choice to take a chance or things will never change." It sounds like you know what you need to do. You just have to have faith in yourself. Your much stronger than you know! Lifes too short.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## steak (May 6, 2011)

ladybird said:


> Is there really something wrong with me because I want/need sex?


Well it's not really normal for a woman to want or need sex... but it's "not normal" in a good way.


----------



## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

steak said:


> Well it's not really normal for a woman to want or need sex... but it's "not normal" in a good way.


I don't believe in this. It's normal for women to want and need sex because they're human... just like us men. Remember Maslow's Hierarchy of needs? Check this out:

Hierarchy of Needs

So, her situation and feelings are normal. By the way, it seems like you know what path to take on ladybird. If you really want to break free, you can do that you know? I believe in you. Do what makes you happy. That's really important... your happiness.


----------



## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Steak is an uneducated child. He knows nothing about real life but he spouts of as though he does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Closer said:


> I don't believe in this. It's normal for women to want and need sex because they're human... just like us men.


Ok then, it's not normal for a women to want/need sex more than a man. There's plenty of evidence to back THIS statement up.


----------



## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

BigToe said:


> Ok then, it's not normal for a women to want/need sex more than a man. There's plenty of evidence to back THIS statement up.


Hmm... this is something to really think about.

Anyways, I'll state my take on this as honest as I can get based on my current level of awareness and experience.

It also normal for women to want/need sex more than a man. In my opinion, saying that it's not normal implies judgment.

I believe that instead of judgment, we must exercise empathy and acceptance to the best we can.

I'm really interested in the evidence you're talking about. Can you post it in this thread so that all of us here may benefit from your perspective?

Much obliged!


----------



## Faith13 (Jul 17, 2011)

Ladybird -
I had the exact same issues in my first marriage. We were best friends and roommates but we had no intimacy and definitely never any sex. I finally divorced him because I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted sex and was very much in love with him and he would have nothing to do with me in the bedroom. It crippled my self esteem and I spent years becoming more and more hurt and resentful. It is NOT okay for him to withhold it and not want to have sex with you! Like you, he and I would talk about it and he would promise that he would work on it; that it would get better. But it never did. It just went on and on until I had to leave. What's the point of being in a sexless marriage? You're really going to need to go to a marriage counselor and let him understand how it's affecting you or this will end badly.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Marriage is a commitment between two people, and it takes BOTH of them to be committed to making it work. If an issue is a concern for one spouse, it needs to become a concern for the other one as well.

Is your husband unwilling to work it out with you at all? What kinds of things have you tried? Have you tried IC for yourself so that you can work through issues on your own, even if your husband is not willing?

Best wishes.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Marriage is a commitment between two people, and it takes BOTH of them to be committed to making it work. If an issue is a concern for one spouse, it needs to become a concern for the other one as well.
> 
> *I agree!! My husband doesn't think there is anything wrong, even though i have talked to him multiple times. I guess in his mind it is better to sweep everything under the rug, in hopes it will go away.*
> 
> ...


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I will say that granted some woman could care less about sex. Where as other are like me and i know they are out there.. I can't be the only one. 

It is not really just all about sex it is about everything.. Affection, intimacy, connection, sex etc. Everything else is also lacking in our marriage. It takes 2 to make a marriage work i know this, so far i have been the only one trying and i have given up. I don't know what else i can do. The last "talk" I had with him was in January when he told me we would work on it. Well nothing has changed and i am afraid that it never will.

I have asked him what i can do to make things better and he tells me nothing, everything is FINE!! I am ready to walk out the door, so i guess that will be just fine too.

I have no idea what I have done, I cant think of anything and he wont tell me. This is what you call a stale mate.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

you are right. It takes two. this is sad. sounds like its time to toss the trash can over and say this changes right now or I walk.


----------



## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

Women just like men need sex when they are with a partner.

When two people have sex in a relationship it makes them feel closer. In addition to natural human desire for sex. In short people need sex.

You do not want to be living in a place you have no power in fixing, in fact you will most probably live a shorted life that way. If you can't fix it you should show yourself the door regardless of how hard it is. Remember things will get better and it is worth it. 

Best wishes,


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Divorce him. 

The longer you wait, the better the odds that another man will come into your life and you will have an affair which will devastate you and your husband. 

Trust me I have known two couples where this scenario has played out and the sexless marriage became the least of their worries. Years later they are still recovering from the affair.

Hopefully the act of filing in and of itself may just wake up your husband and rise to the occasion (no pun intended).


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Yes i am going to move out. I am calling my mom tomorrow and ask her if my son and i can stay with her until i can get on my feet. If we can't stay with her i have no idea what i am going to do. I don't even have a job, i have been a stay at home mom for the last 2 years.

My h and i don't even talk anymore. we got into a fight tonight and he told me if i didn't shut my mouth he was going to beat the crap out of me and shut it for me. I told him that i am going to go stay with my mother and he said Bye... I can not do this anymore.....

I have waited to long for my h to come to light on the problems we are having, it isn't going to happen. I have met someone. He is in no way shape or form influencing my decision to leave.. i have been wanting to leave before i met him.. we are only friends. and by friends i mean just that.


----------



## EvanderS (Jul 1, 2011)

Good for you! The sooner you get out the sooner you can begin the healing process. Take some time for yourself and take care. Get some good food and exercise and breath deep.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

You know what really pisses me off. HE always acts like nothing happened... H has been kissing my ass all day. Calling me from work, calling me sexy WTF... Just last night he threated to beat the crap out of me. This is not the man I married.

I'm so confused. 

I haven't been able to get a hold of my mom.. I will keep trying to call her.. Enough is enough.


----------

