# husband asking for spousal support



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

I go to court tomorrow. My husband is asking for spousal support. I filed for divorce after 6 years of him on again off again working. He waits to find work until all unemployment is gone, this last time he still doesn't have a job and unemployment was over in June. I found out after we were married that he owed IRS $15,000. sometime they have taken it out of our joint checking account because he would not set up a payment plan...he wouldn't even contact them. 

There is other issue too but most of it leads back to his attitude of not having to work, it is always someone else's fault, why not use the employment benefits, he will not take a job he thinks is 'beneath him".

We married in our late 40's and I saw things I should have asked questions about but didn't so I am to blame to for getting into something I should not have. 

Now he says I have left him on the street even though he has family and friends living in town. I gave him 2 vehicles and equipment we bought for him to work on his own. 

I can't afford the house we have without a second income and have debt from credit cards when he wouldn't work and I needed to buy gas to go to work and food. Last year we were without heat twice because I couldn't pay for propane until I got paid. 

I can't believe he is doing this. I can't sleep because I don't know how I can pay the bills now and if I have to pay him support. What can I do? I know my attorney is going to make a case that I can't afford to pay him. 

I can't sell the house until we have a settlement and he says he will make this draw out as long as he can. I can't believe he can find money to pay his attorney and still pretend he has to live on the street. 

I gave him an asset to sell so he can pay his attorney and living expenses but he won't sell it because he is sure it will be worth more in a couple of months. So he continues to tell everyone how I have put him out on the street. I have offered many things and keep asking why he doesn't move in with family until we have this all settled. I am willing to divide things down the middle even though I have paid for most of everything. I don't want him to live on in his car but he won't do anything to improve his situation. 

Will the court see he is playing this out to make me look bad? how can a person that said they loved me forever but so mean to me?


----------



## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

I am soo sorry for what you are going through. Your stbx sounds like a complete and total asshat. 

I really hope the judge sees through the bs he is trying to pull. 

Wishing you all the best!


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

thanks


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you talked to a lawyer? Up here, the division of assets AND liabilities is 50/50. So he may end up getting spousal support, but he also gets debt and payments that you would otherwise have.

You need to have a list of who took what, and what their current values are. Or their values at the time of separation.

Also, up here, as far as I know, the courts will "imput" a reasonable income to someone if they're not generating income. It makes it at least a little more difficult for one spouse to take advantage of the other, even though I doubt it works perfectly in practice, and I have no idea what it's like in areas of high unemployment.

And finally, you'll simply have to learn to deal with his lies, I guess. People who really know the situation will know he's an asshat, and if other people want to judge you when they don't know, there's not much you can do. Sucks, but you need to focus on the things you CAN change.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

You were married six years. You may have to pay alimony, but it won't be for very long. My guess is maybe 6 months. And will be based on the difference between your income and what he could/should be making.


----------



## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> You were married six years. You may have to pay alimony, but it won't be for very long. My guess is maybe 6 months. And will be based on the difference between your income and what he could/should be making.


Plus you need to make sure your atty knows about the IRS garnishment against you for his mistake. That can have an impact as well.

Q~


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

well I guess this was only for the temporary order for two months. They counted only what he said and that was a monthly income of $300 and they gave him almost 1/5 of my monthly income and my house payment alone is more than half my income (because he promised he would be making more than me when I signed the loan and I believed him). I am trying to think of what I can sell quickly so I can make the next check in two weeks. I hope we can settle on the divorce quickly although he told me a week ago he will drag this out as long as possible and ask for the most he can. He is also planning on making me pay for his attorney fees. 

I really don't make that much, I work for a not for profit and I can't believe I have alined myself to someone that only thinks of themselves. This isn't the way he described himself when we were dating. He helped out with fundraisers where I worked and acted like this is what he always did. After we were married, he just complained about the time I spend at work and would only come to events if I begged. 

They would not consider that he could make even the base pay, they said he made $0 or this month $300 and I have to pay. 

I will find out all the debt I have helped to pay and at times paid myself and hopefully that will make a difference. 

I just want this to be over and if I have to drain my retirement...at this point I will. 

My daughter gets married soon and I can't help her with the wedding. At least now that I am going through the divorce maybe later on I can give her a nice gift. If I stayed married I would never be able to give her anything.


----------



## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

What state do you live in?


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

I live in KS


----------



## CarolAnn (Jan 5, 2012)

Coffee Shop, are you still around? I found your posts on a Google search (searching about my own impending divorce) and I want to know how everything turned out for you. I do hope you're not having to pay him any support.


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

hello again, I haven't posted for a while. In some ways a lot has happened and in other ways not much. A couple weeks after my last post my husband showed up at my house and talked me into coming outside to talk face to face. He became angry very quickly, pulled something out of his pocket, held it to my chest and told me I was going to die. After a scramble I reached my door but he was right behind me. I won't go into more details other than after a few hours he left and I called 911. He didn't leave any scratches or bruises on me so the DA may or may not file charges on 3 counts. I left my home and moved in with friends and this is where I am today. 

We went to court so I could have a protection from abuse order, which I carry with me at all times. I have seen a counselor for the 'extreme stress' that I have had and I am doing much better. 

All the divorce proceedings have been pushed back but my attorney sent his attorney a proposed settlement. We have heard nothing. We have another hearing on the 24th. So far they haven't made me pay anymore spousal support but I am sure when we go to the hearing that will happen. 

In the settlement I can only get half of what I paid for in his bad debts. I called IRS and got the final amount we paid during the marriage and added the other debts he had that we paid and it totaled over $27,000. But since "we" paid these debts with 'marital income' he gets credit for half of the income whether he was working or not. This is just a small example of what I can expect from the court system.

All my saving that has been spent on bills and debts are gone and I cannot get any of that back. I may get some of my down payment on the house I bought before we were married but more than likely we will have to split all the equity in the house as it is a marital asset under KS laws.

thank you for letting me vent. I appreciate having this space to vent and hope maybe someone will gain something out of this. 

I do caution everyone to be very very careful during these emotional times of a divorce. I had been warned by my husband's family to be careful around him. They told me before I married him and didn't believe he would ever be violent. In the past year I started to believe he could be that way but never thought it would be anywhere close to what it was. 

I am very blessed to have friends and family who help me, support me, and watch out for me. I know others are not so fortunate.


----------



## CarolAnn (Jan 5, 2012)

What your husband has put you through is horrible. I do hope, like you, that someone can learn from your posts and heed the warning signs before it's too late. Luckily for me, my husband signed a court waiver with my attorney today, so he is not going to challenge anything I want to do. I am 51 and after 20 years of marriage, I am going to try to start my life over. I believe my husband is passive aggressive, from what I've read, and it's taken me all these years to finally understand why I always feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall when trying to discuss anything with him!

How in the world does your husband plan to pay for his attorney? I am so sorry you lost so much emotionally and financially. Why is your divorce taking so long? Your last post before this one was in September!


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

CarolAnn, thank you. I am glad things are working out with your divorce. You will rebuild your life and I am sure will make it a good one!

One of the reasons mine has taken so long is that my husband kept postponing the hearing dates. I think he heard that he would be served paper for the attack by the sheriff department at the divorce hearing so he kept finding excuses. I finally hired a process server on my own to serve him so I could get my protection order. I think he thought he would be arrested. We then waited for his attorney to give a response to the temporary division of assets but no response, they just focused on petty things and finally asked that we send them a settlement offer. We did 1 month ago and now the hearing date for that has been pushed back 2 more times. 

I am quite sure he will not sign my settlement offer but will fight for everything he can get. He told me he would soon after I filled, telling me he will drag this out for as long as he can and make me pay. 

Meanwhile I am still paying all utilities and the mortgage on the house and my expenses while living away from the house because I can't be safe there. 

My guess is that my husband will ask that I pay for his attorney fees. I am not very positive at this point that I will get anything that I put into this home back, not my down payment, my savings and may have to pay these fees too. Things in this divorce process have not been in my favor much lately. But, things in my life are good. I work with great people, have a wonderful family and I have friends that are angels.


----------



## CarolAnn (Jan 5, 2012)

I'm glad you're seeing the positive aspects in your job, friends and family. My job is being eliminated, so as of June, I will have no job and no husband. Kind of scary, to say the least. Best of luck to you. Do post again with more news when it happens. I am hoping the courts are kind to you and you get more than you think you will.


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

I am looking for advice on how to settle things for the divorce. My attorney sent his a suggested settlement a month ago. I expected a counter offer before the court date. My attorney found out that his attorney most likely will wait for a meeting face to face where we go through the list of assets and property one by one with the attorneys present. Does anyone have experience in either process and have pros & cons or advice?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

I received a letter from my husbands attorney asking for documentation of some accounts and some things on the inventory list. One of the things I didn't list was some gift cards my co-workers gave me for working hard on some projects at work. Now they want to know the value and include them. My question is: do I have to include gift to me? They weren't much just a total of $150.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CarolAnn (Jan 5, 2012)

Coffee Shop, can I suggest posting these questions in a new thread? I don't know the answers to your questions and I'm not sure anyone else is still reading this thread. I would like to see you get some answers. I can't believe your hubby and attorney are inquiring about $150.00 worth of gifts that were given to YOU. Geez......


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

thanks CarolAnn


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

coffee shop said:


> I am looking for advice on how to settle things for the divorce. My attorney sent his a suggested settlement a month ago. I expected a counter offer before the court date. My attorney found out that his attorney most likely will wait for a meeting face to face where we go through the list of assets and property one by one with the attorneys present. Does anyone have experience in either process and have pros & cons or advice?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am not that far along in my divorce process so I have no personal experience. But, my strong sense is that you do not want to go to trial over small amounts of cash and property. A one-day trial will cost several thousand dollars, not to mention the aggravation of having to be in court, see him again, etc.

BTW, is he getting you to pay some of his legal costs since he has no assets?

This just goes to show that the system is unfair to hard working people (men and women) who are married to underperforming spouses.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

coffee shop said:


> I received a letter from my husbands attorney asking for documentation of some accounts and some things on the inventory list. One of the things I didn't list was some gift cards my co-workers gave me for working hard on some projects at work. Now they want to know the value and include them. My question is: do I have to include gift to me? They weren't much just a total of $150.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Insane. What a loser STBXH. Please consult with an attorney.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

DTO- Before he attacked me and we were still talking, he said he would make me pay for all the attorney fees but then again he talks a lot. I am sure he will try. 

All my friends & family say he is so angry now because he depended on me for everything and never thought I would see how he was using me. He now wants me to pay for crashing his world and I think he is very vindictive. 

It doesn't seem fair how this is going but I do understand why the laws are the way they are. They are set up to protect the ones who need it but then others like my STBXH learn how to work the system.


----------

