# Advice on teenage depression



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

If anyone here has real experience dealing with a depressed teenager, please PM me.

We've tried counseling. We tell her every day we love her and are here for her. We try to talk to her and she won't open up. Her friends parents are calling us saying they're worried about her. She does laugh most days about things but when you ask her a question she just stares at you and won't answer. Or she'll nod her head so slightly you can't even tell.

It's so frustrating. I'm her father. I'm supposed to be able to fix this for her. It's been going on since summer. I guess the next step is a psychiatrist but I REALLY don't want to put my child on mind altering drugs.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

No experience here......BUT

What is her diet like?
How much physical activity does she do?
Does she get enough sleep? (9-10 hours a day should be a minimum for a teen).

All of these 3 play a HUGE role on well being of a person. Make sure she eats healthy (plenty of fruit/veggies and water)........does plenty of sport or outdoor activity and sleeps plenty.

Once all 3 are taken care of for GOOD month (consistently) and nothing changes then you MIGHT have an issue.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

DoF said:


> No experience here......BUT
> 
> What is her diet like?
> How much physical activity does she do?
> ...


She's been diagnosed by a licensed counselor as having depression. All of the things you mentioned are good for her. She gets outside a lot. Eats good. Sleeps normally.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Is she a part of a support group? Has someone her age that she trusts/can talk to?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> *She's been diagnosed by a licensed counselor as having depression.* All of the things you mentioned are good for her. She gets outside a lot. Eats good. Sleeps normally.


Is her counselor involving her in talk therapy? Suggesting that she see a psychiatrist and try medication? 


> She does laugh most days about things but when you ask her a question she just stares at you and won't answer. Or she'll nod her head so slightly you can't even tell.


Does she actually TALK with the counselor?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

BeachGuy said:


> It's so frustrating. I'm her father. I'm supposed to be able to fix this for her. It's been going on since summer. I guess the next step is a psychiatrist but I REALLY don't want to put my child on mind altering drugs.


Since you are adverse to drug therapy and she needs professional help, perhaps you should look for a good child psychologist with a Phd. They try a variety of therapies over drugs as standard procedure. If they deem medication is really the last resort they will refer you to a psychiatrist.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Keep talking to her and find a qualified psychologist. Just like any condition, the most important step is she has to want to get better. The mind is a battlefield and the key is to never let your negative thoughts overrule your positive ones. I battle chronic depression, but with a therapist help and reading some good books, I've learned to control it, instead of it controlling me. Drugs are dangerous and once you start messing with your brains signals, you can get them so far out of whack, you don't get it back. This has happened to my nephew. They keep adjusting doses, changing meds etc., and you barely know him anymore. Being emotionless isn't better than being sad, in my opinion. Tell her to start keeping a daily journal of every GOOD thing that happens every day and to solely focus on those things.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Thanks all for the advice. She hasn't seen the counselor since Fall. She went maybe 6 times and said she loved talking to her, then one day said she didn't want to go anymore.

I ordered a couple of books today for both her and us. My stbx says she thinks we should talk to her together rather than separately as we have been. But my stbx won't take any action on her own to figure this out. She wants me to tell her what to do.

I will look into finding a psychologist.


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## MrsHaf (Jan 13, 2015)

How old is she? And has she started her cycle yet? Or hit any life altering changes like entering puberty?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I was depressed. I had no goals, no one spent time telling me what I could accomplish, asking me what I wanted to accomplish, telling me HOW to accomplish anything...

What I would have wanted...my family to take me out of the house, get me to do new, interesting activities; to sign me up for new skills or crafts or hobbies or sports...anything to break me out of my self-pity. I wanted something to be proud of, but I had no mental wisdom to know that or to even know what it looked like. I had stopped dancing when I was 11 and had nothing after that to do or look forward to or be proud of. I would have KILLED for my family to go out to a park and just do normal family stuff like throwing a football. 

Don't underestimate the power of low self esteem combined with puberty and BOYS. Probably half of all depression in girls this age has to do with social media, boys, attraction, looks, popularity. The lower the self esteem, the more they think they need to have a guy 'choose' them.

And I would have loved to have had parents who MADE me go to a therapist, even if I didn't want to go (think Good Will Hunting).

It's unlikely she needs medication. But she most likely needs long-term therapy with a psychologist who specializes with kids.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Please keep taking her to the counselor. Even if she says she doesn't want to go. Offer to help her find a new one if she doesn't think the first one is a good fit. But a depressed person, especially a child, in an active depressed state, is really not qualified to make judgements about whether they need therapy or not.

Also. I know medication is scary. I know there's a stigma to it and it is a serious step. Some people truly need it. Maybe not forever. But please don't convey your feelings about treatment and specifically medication onto her. If a doctor truly believes that it will help, please listen openly. Get a second opinion if you are too worried at first. If the second opinion matches please follow the doctors advice. 

I have suffered with depression and anxiety all of my life. For as long as I can remember. Therapy helped on and off. My parents were very judgmental about mental illness and their views really colored mine when it came to seeking treatment and how long I waited to finally take the meds. I have been on meds for 3 years now. Might not be on them forever. But the difference for me is night and day. There are side effects of course so it's not a decision to make lightly. 

In my case some pretty nasty mental illness stuff runs in my family. (Too bad I didn't learn that until I sought treatment in my late 20s...guess it's the dark secret of the family no one wants to talk about.) A couple of doctors have told me there is some evidence that mental illness is inherited. 

I know it's gotta hurt to watch her suffer. I've got kids too and I know how it rips your heart out. You can't fix everything FOR her but you can provide her with the tools and access to the professionals that can help. That's all you can do.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

OK, yes, there can be strong side effects from antidepression drugs. However, a good psychiatrist can prescribe something that can turn the ship.

closely monitored and with counseling in addition, your teen can get out of clinical depression.

Sometimes a person really does need a change in brain chemistry to snap out of a depression.

And yes, there can be side effects, of course. So do not be casual about it, get informed.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

woundedwarrior said:


> Keep talking to her and find a qualified psychologist. Just like any condition, the most important step is she has to want to get better. The mind is a battlefield and the key is to never let your negative thoughts overrule your positive ones. I battle chronic depression, but with a therapist help and reading some good books, I've learned to control it, instead of it controlling me. Drugs are dangerous and once you start messing with your brains signals, you can get them so far out of whack, you don't get it back. This has happened to my nephew. They keep adjusting doses, changing meds etc., and you barely know him anymore. Being emotionless isn't better than being sad, in my opinion. Tell her to start keeping a daily journal of every GOOD thing that happens every day and to solely focus on those things.



Although, it depends on the person. I know many people with mental illness who take medication and they claim it is the best thing that has ever happened to them. I know medication is complicated for kids. I think it is dangerous to decide that any form of treatment is across the board bad. Everyone is different.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Agreed. That's why a professional needs to be working with her full time.


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## momto2 (Jun 12, 2013)

I know this is an old post but don't take depression lightly. My daughter has struggled with depression for years. I finally had to have her hospitalized and she was started on meds. It was the best thing I ever did. She is like a different person. One of her good friends just recently committed suicide. I don't know if she would have done something like that but you just never know. I don't know if your daughter needs medication but she may if therapy alone isn't helping. There are much better meds out there these days. I was also really against putting my child on medication. Now I wish I would have pushed for that sooner. Wishing you and your daughter the best!


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