# 10 Years Later the Truth Comes Out



## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

My H had what I thought was an EA with a woman who, at the time, was my best friend. He swore they were not physically involved - and like a fool, I believed him. I endured this for 3 years - and the stress took its toll. I suffered heart palpitations that I still have meds to control, lost all of my hair (which thankfully did grow back), and developed migraines which still require medication and semi-annual neurological screening. By the time he ended it, I was a mess ... but I survived.

Suddenly, last August, I had an abnormal pap and was diagnosed with HPV - which I didn't have before. I suspected he might be wandering again, but could find no proof except that I had caught him having phone sex with someone (which was weird) - but he claimed it was one of those 900 numbers. He was embarrassed - and apologized - and I let it go.

Then in January, I had genital warts and another abnormal pap. Not knowing how I could have contracted either (I've not been with anyone but him), I point blank asked him if I could have gotten it from him ... he answered "yes". He had had sex with my EX-best friend during the three year period that they were seeing each other - plus, he admitted there had been another woman he was involved with around the same time whose name was Kathy, but he couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me her last name. 

I'm not sure which is more difficult right now - dealing with the knowledge that he was sleeping with two other women (or more) or dealing with the fact that he lied about it and let me believe that lie for ten years. 

To add insult to injury, he claims he knows how badly he screwed up, how much he hurt me, etc. and that he loves me - but treats me like I have the plague. No intimacy, no reassurance, nothing ... I feel like I have a roommate instead of a husband. 

I'm feeling angry, betrayed, used, useless, damaged, insecure, etc. - and part of me wants to pack my bags and run - but, I'm 54 - we've been married for almost 34 years - have two great adult children and two beautiful grandchildren. My family means the world to me ... and leaving my husband would destroy them. How can I stop hurting without hurting them?

Guess I'm learning the hard way that you don't have to be alone to be lonely - any advice?


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

It sounds like you want out. I think it would hurt your children to know that you are suffering through this. I bet they would support your choice to think of yourself. They will be hurt by what their father has done, maybe they know and wish you would do something about it. They are grown and have their own families, but they will be their for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

You may be right - but I don't relish the idea of starting over at 54 years old - especially with the baggage I have to carry now. Financially I could make it - I own my own small business - but would be without benefits (which are through my husbands employer).

I'm sure that my kids would understand - but it would be so painful to tell them - he's been a good Dad and I don't want them to end up hating him for what he's done to me. 

How do you separate the two? Explain that what he's done he didn't do to them? Will they understand or accept that?


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

What is the precise time difference between when you think they broke it off, and you got your diagnosis? Just needed clarity on that point.

I'm so sorry you're here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to expose him and the affair partners to their husbands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Several years ... but my doc says I could have contracted the HPV at any time. The genital warts I'm not so sure about - from what I've read, these usually show up within 3 months of contact - so I'm baffled.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So he did this ten years ago and hasn't done anything since? I'm trying to figure out if he smartened up ten years ago, or if he's still acting out. When was he doing the phone sex thing?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You do know that genital warts are a result of HPV right? And women can have HPV for years and not get any symptoms till something triggers it, like changing pH due to hormone changes.


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

I guess you would just have to look at it that it would be his job to maintain his relationship with the kids. You can tell them how you feel about him as a dad and they'll make their own peace with him or not. I don't really have a basis of experience to relate, so I can only say what makes sense to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

WOW! It's almost my story! 

I tested positive for HPV in 2008, right around the time I thought my husband was having an affair with a coworker. At that point we had been married for 13 years and I had been faithful. He denied anything for almost 4 years. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and threatened him with a polygraph. He finally came out and said he had received a drunken BJ from a model they had used on a business trip back in 2003. So I was lied to for 10 years. He claims he never touched the coworker and the only way I could have gotten HPV was from the BJ. I still feel I have no closure on the HPV cause that would mean I was carrying it for 5 years and got it from a BJ?!? (She had just had intercourse with his buddy, though. Gross, I know.) Everything I read says you usually clear it within 2 years. Sure enough, in 2009 I tested negative. I had never had any abnormal paps, just the one positive test. It drives me crazy, I have spoken with several doctors and they all give me the run around. I guess I'll never know how I really contracted it. Hugs, I feel your pain!


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Oh, and I never had the warts. But, I tested for one of the high risk cancer strands.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So he did this ten years ago and hasn't done anything since? I'm trying to figure out if he smartened up ten years ago, or if he's still acting out. When was he doing the phone sex thing?


Not that I know of - but I'm not very trusting for obvious reasons. He did connect with a wonderful friend (male) who was instrumental in getting him back on track - helped him revisit hits roots, religion, and realize what was important in life. Then, that friend died of a massive heart attack four years ago - which was devastating.

The phone sex thing happened last summer - when I caught him I simply asked, "who's on the phone" ... took him by surprise, and I'm not sure if he was telling the truth or another lie.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> You do know that genital warts are a result of HPV right? And women can have HPV for years and not get any symptoms till something triggers it, like changing pH due to hormone changes.


Yes ... but somehow that doesn't make me feel any better about it. It's just one more painful reminder of his infidelity when they flair up.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You need to expose him and the affair partners to their husbands.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The husband of the woman who was my friend knows. I don't know if the other woman was married or not - and I don't even know her last name - which he claims he doesn't either, though I suspect this is another lie.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Oh, and I never had the warts. But, I tested for one of the high risk cancer strands.


I'm so sorry to hear that ... make sure you take care of yourself and get regular check ups.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> WOW! It's almost my story!
> 
> I tested positive for HPV in 2008, right around the time I thought my husband was having an affair with a coworker. At that point we had been married for 13 years and I had been faithful. He denied anything for almost 4 years. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and threatened him with a polygraph. He finally came out and said he had received a drunken BJ from a model they had used on a business trip back in 2003. So I was lied to for 10 years. He claims he never touched the coworker and the only way I could have gotten HPV was from the BJ. I still feel I have no closure on the HPV cause that would mean I was carrying it for 5 years and got it from a BJ?!? (She had just had intercourse with his buddy, though. Gross, I know.) Everything I read says you usually clear it within 2 years. Sure enough, in 2009 I tested negative. I had never had any abnormal paps, just the one positive test. It drives me crazy, I have spoken with several doctors and they all give me the run around. I guess I'll never know how I really contracted it. Hugs, I feel your pain!


I've read that it can be transmitted via oral sex, so he may be telling the truth ... but I know from personal experience that once you've been lied to by someone you trusted, it's hard to know what to believe.

My doc didn't seem real eager to discuss it with me either - I think it's a difficult subject for them since HPV is so impossible to trace.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

the problem i have with this is that he's still hiding sh1t. why hasn't he been able to tell you OW#2's last name?! this counts as full transparency.

furthermore, he's _not_ a good father. you might not realize it, but he cheated on them too.....he cheated on his whole family. every single minute he spent with OW should have been spent with you and your children, so don't tell me he's a "good" father.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

He claims he doesn't know the other woman's last name - so he's either lying or it was some kind of one night fling - and you're right - maybe I haven't been openly angry enough with him - it was his choice as much as it was hers. The difference is that he is remorseful - she's not - which is why it bothers me so much to see her.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> Several years ... but my doc says I could have contracted the HPV at any time. The genital warts I'm not so sure about - from what I've read, these usually show up within 3 months of contact - so I'm baffled.



that's what I thought as well

you need to start spying


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

He swears there's been nobody else in the last 10 years - someone else posted that the warts can be triggered at any time - I know they're a byproduct of the HPV ... but that diagnosis came in August - the warts started a few months later. If he is seeing someone else again, he's gotten very good at hiding it!


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> He swears there's been nobody else in the last 10 years - someone else posted that the warts can be triggered at any time - I know they're a byproduct of the HPV ... but that diagnosis came in August - the warts started a few months later. If he is seeing someone else again, he's gotten very good at hiding it!


Geez, I've been told the same thing. Hasn't been with anyone in ten years since ONS. What a joke. Even with a HPV positive they still lie. So sorry.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

That's what I'm afraid of - after 10 years of letting me believe one lie, is this another one? Hard to know what to believe - but he seems sincere and his actions support that.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

I personally will never believe I got the full story. How I come to live with that and him for the rest of my life is the bigger question I guess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Not an easy thing to live with is it? For me, answers I do get lead to more questions -- and he never volunteers any information. So, like you, I suspect there's more to the story as well. But at this point, I'm not sure I want to know all of the details - it won't change anything and God knows I've suffered enough. I don't know that rehashing it all will serve any purpose except to deepen the wounds I already have. But it is sometimes hard to focus and move forward with all of the questions rattling around in my head.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm so sorry - 9 years of betrayal is a long time. I don't mean to open the wounds, but how did you know it was totally over? I still can't seem to totally trust my H - though his behavior seems to have changed dramatically, there's always a shadow of doubt.

Plus - having the warts appear was such a slap in the face 10 years after the fact ... now I question whether or not I should have stayed - for me, our relationship is forever changed.

I really feel cheated in more ways than one. Had I known the truth at the time, I likely would have left him - but I wasn't given that opportunity because of his lies. So he not only cheated on me, he cheated me out of the ability to make a fully informed decision.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> I really feel cheated in more ways than one. Had I known the truth at the time, I likely would have left him - but I wasn't given that opportunity because of his lies. So he not only cheated on me, he cheated me out of the ability to make a fully informed decision.


BINGO! I had the right to know about my WS's ONS back when he did it ten years ago. I had the right to make the decision back then, not ten years down the road when things are more complicated. It would have been easier to leave when I was younger and the kids wouldn't have known any better. Plus, I would have had a better chance of starting a new life with someone who might have shown me more respect. Personally, I feel he stole those ten years from me. My memories are now all screwed up. I can't even look at family pictures without thinking he was lying here and there... He's still lying about his EA. I had a bad weekend. I just don't know how I'm gonna stay with him. He has ruined my life.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

I know - that's exactly the way I feel. He claims he didn't tell me everything because he didn't want to hurt me more than he already had ... and you and I know that's a load of crap. He didn't tell me to protect himself - it had nothing to do with my feelings. 

Problem for me lies in the fact that we've made a lot of progress in the last ten years - and, I'm ten years older. At 54, I'm not inclined to throw caution to the wind and start over. But at the same time, I know my life will never be the same.

I still have visuals of them together - before I wised up and realized what was going on, she was my friend and we worked together. We'd gone on a canoe trip with a bunch of families and she was there with hers. She conveniently "fell out" of her canoe and my H jumped to her aid - didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I see him in the water with his hand wrapped around her waist and I want to drown the b**ch and slap him upside the head. There were other occasions where he paid a little too much attention to her too - and I was blind to it all because she was my friend.

I'm furious with myself for being so trusting (and stupid) and consequently, I don't have any true friends anymore - by choice - thus, my life is somewhat ruined too. I'm so glad to have found this site where I can interact with people who understand.

I don't know how old you are, or how much you've invested in your life with your H, but if he's still lying about things you need answers. If he can't come clean with you now, chances are you're in for future heartbreak and might be better off getting out now.

I know that if my H betrays me again, I'll be gone - no questions asked - just gone. I won't live through it again no matter how old I am if it happens.

I guess my point is, if you can't get the life you want back with him, don't be miserable - do something about it. Maybe if he realizes he's losing you he'll step up to the plate and come clean.

I feel for you - I know it isn't easy - but stay strong and follow your heart.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Thanks jinba. Ya, totally agree. He lied to protect himself, not me. I was also given that same load of crap. 

I'm 40, have two kids, 11 and 14. We've been together for 20 years, married 17. Very hard. Plus, I've been at home with the kids. I've been looking for a job, but employment gap is too big. I'm truly trapped. It would have been easier to leave when I was younger and the kids were little enough not to understand. 

I know about the ONS. Now, whether it was a BJ or intercourse I'll never really know. But the EA? I'm afraid I'll be in your situation and find out years later it was actually a PA. I can't believe I'm married to such a liar. He really played me good.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> that's what I thought as well
> 
> you need to start spying


That was my initial reaction (go back a page and see) but then someone said it could be a reaction years later so I didn't pursue that pont.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Wow - I can totally relate. I was a stay at home Mom too. We have a daughter who has cystic fibrosis, so working and finding daycare was just too difficult - and her care came first.

When I found out about the affair, our daughter was a senior in high school. I muttled through so I could get her off to college - it was a huge deal to have her graduate and move forward with her life and I didn't want to do anything to take away from her joy.

About a year after she left, I went back to school and got an Associate of Applied Arts degree. I currently have my own graphic/web design business that I operate from home. I was 44 at the time, so going back to school was a challenge - but I did it for me - knowing that I'd at least have employability skills if he ever pulled that crap on me again.

So - don't think all is lost or you're trapped. You can take control and do what you need to for you. There's nothing selfish about that - plus, getting an education or training to make you more employable sends a great message to your kids - and it does wonders for your self-esteem!

Think about it - not saying this works for everybody, but it helped me a lot. Now I know that if my marriage falls apart, I'll be able to take care of myself - and that's a wonderfully liberating feeling.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

jinba said:


> so - don't think all is lost or you're trapped. You can take control and do what you need to for you. There's nothing selfish about that - plus, getting an education or training to make you more employable sends a great message to your kids - and it does wonders for your self-esteem!
> 
> Think about it - not saying this works for everybody, but it helped me a lot. Now i know that if my marriage falls apart, i'll be able to take care of myself - and that's a wonderfully liberating feeling.



amen!!!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> That was my initial reaction (go back a page and see) but then someone said it could be a reaction years later so I didn't pursue that pont.



I'm sure there are exceptions, but with HPV the warts either appear when it is a recent exposure OR the dormant virus gets triggered due to the immune system being compromised. (like high stress or another virus or infection)


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> I'm sure there are exceptions, but with HPV the warts either appear when it is a recent exposure OR the dormant virus gets triggered due to the immune system being compromised. (like high stress or another virus or infection)


That's exactly what I thought, it concerned me when I heard it.

Jinba--how is the stress in your life right now?


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Actually it was pretty low when the warts appeared - sounds like I have reason to be suspicious doesn't it?


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

jinba said:


> Actually it was pretty low when the warts appeared - sounds like I have reason to be suspicious doesn't it?


Yes, I would be suspicious given what you've told us. It's tough because this "evidence" truly could go either way (old infection or new infection). 

You still don't know who Kathy is, right? (or is the woman you see around town Kathy?) and no hard evidence of when he last slept with either woman, correct?

I think it's the fact that he did it with 2 women that is sending off alarm bells. IMO, serial cheaters are in a separate category of their own.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

not to make too many assumptions, but HPV is rampant among prostitutes


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

No - I still don't know who Kathy is - I may see her around town, but wouldn't know her if I did. Diane is the name of the OW that I know and see.

I really have no hard evidence of when he last slept with either of them (or anyone else for that matter) - only his word - which we already know is questionable at best.

Sometimes I wonder if "Kathy" even exists or if he pulled that name out of the air so I wouldn't single Diane out - could he still be protecting her??? Or is he worried that I'll make an issue of it?

I don't really know - but I did post her name to Cheaterville this a.m. and am strongly considering a letter to her H as suggested by another poster here. Totally exposing her will probably tick her off, but at this point I don't really care - I've suffered in silence long enough!


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> not to make too many assumptions, but HPV is rampant among prostitutes


Well ... she does have the reputation of being the "town *****", so that would make sense. 

Sad thing is, her H has a great job, they have a beautiful home, they've got three beautiful daughters ... why would someone who seems to have it all take the risks that she does?

Her H is a very devout Catholic - won't divorce her - and she knows it. So maybe she doesn't feel she's going to lose anything regardless of how she behaves.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

michzz said:


> It's rampant amongst the general population as well.


Especially if the wives' husbands are sleeping with strangers and prostitutes.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

I think it is very common - I've read that a lot of people carry the virus and don't even know it - they have no symptoms.

What irks me is that I know I didn't have it prior to my H sleeping around. He got laid ... and I got HPV - and it's frustrating, but I can't change it - it is what it is.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

The sad thing is you think you're married and in a monogamous relationship and you don't have to worry about contacting a STD.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Exactly ... it's not an easy pill to swallow. I think of people who contract STD's as those who participate in risky behavior. Then wham - the one person you love and trust most in the world brings one home.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

michzz said:


> It's rampant amongst the general population as well.


I read somewhere that something like 85% of the population has some form of active or dormant HPV. It doesn't materialize in most people, but I guess a lot of people have it. This came from a medical website - so not sure if it's true, but it's a pretty common disease.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Very common from what I've read as well. Had I not went through screening in late 1999/early 2000, I would have never known until the warts showed up late last year. I don't have a clue as to how long I had dormant HPV - but didn't have it prior to my H's affair. Doc said if I hadn't had any screening prior to, we wouldn't be able to tell when I contracted it. Even now, we don't know exactly when, but it had to be between 2000 and 2011 - and during that time my H is the only man I was with ... unfortunely he was also with two OW.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

The HPV thing drives me crazy. It's become my curse of doubts. I always had normal paps. If I hadn't had the HPV test in 2008 I would have never known. I never had any symptoms. My problems are nothing adds up. I had two babies, no issues. They say HPV will usually show up during pregnancies. So I highly doubt I got it before his ONS in 2003. But, it didn't show until 2008 after we'd been married for 13 years, together for 15? So If he actually got it from a BJ (highly doubt) it had to have laid dormant for five years before becoming active. What are the chances of either one of those happening?!? PRETTY LOW! Then magically it disappears in 2009 and I've tested negative for it since then. From what I read HPV usually clears in two years. All this and his "friendship" was smack dab in late 2007 to mid 2008. Even with this info he still insists the HPV could only have come from the BJ or it was a false positive. He doesn't want to admit his EA was really a PA.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

I didn't realize HPV could clear - I thought it was a life sentence. I've had three back to back abnormal paps - have to go in every 6 months because they're watching things. 

I've also heard it can be transmitted via oral sex, but does he think that somehow makes it better??? Come on, Bill Clinton syndrome or what? 

Sorry - but I think you have cause to be suspicious. Doesn't sound like you're getting the whole story. Sadly, I think I'm in the same boat and don't have a clue as to where to go from here.

The one thing I have decided to do is insist that he have a complete STD screening done - I don't want any more surprises!


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> I didn't realize HPV could clear - I thought it was a life sentence. I've had three back to back abnormal paps - have to go in every 6 months because they're watching things.
> 
> I've also heard it can be transmitted via oral sex, but does he think that somehow makes it better??? Come on, Bill Clinton syndrome or what?
> 
> ...


From what I understand you always have it once you get it, but it is either active or dormant. A positive test will only show an active HPV, not a dormant one. Once you get an active virus and it clears (usually within two years) it then becomes dormant. There is speculation certain stresses can bring it back out of dormancy - things like pregnancy, menopause. But, it's very rare. 

Yes, we're in the same boat. There is no way to really get a straight answer on this. It's awful.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

That it is - I always hoped that one day I would be able to put his infidelity behind me ... now I'm scarred for life. Every abnormal pap or wart flair up is a painful reminder and sends me mentally and emotionally back in time.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> That it is - I always hoped that one day I would be able to put his infidelity behind me ... now I'm scarred for life. Every abnormal pap or wart flair up is a painful reminder and sends me mentally and emotionally back in time.


I'm so sorry. I can only imagine. So far I've had no symptoms. It's been four years since I tested positive for it, every test since has been negative. So mine is apparently dormant for now. My concern is I tested for the high risk strain so how long does it take to get cervical cancer? Years...


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Unfortunately, you have no way of knowing - just make sure you don't let time lapse between paps - if it happens, you want to make sure they catch it early.

I read somewhere yesterday that just because you test positive for one strain doesn't mean that you don't have another lying dormant. So far I've not been positive for the high risk strain, but will have to continue monitoring for the rest of my life.

Just remember that having HPV doesn't mean you're going to get cervical cancer - it increases your risk, yes - but hopefully you'll never have to deal with that.

Has your H been screened for STD's? Like I said earlier, I'm going to tell mine he needs to do that. I don't want to end up with something else ... like HIV - and I think I have a right to make sure he's not carrying something worse than he's already given me.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I'm sorry for what has happened to you. I do think you need to tell your children and make plans to divorce this man. I understand your reluctance to do so, I am also near your age. The fact is that your children are adults now, they need to know that your health has been put at risk due to their father's actions. They can then decide if they think he is a great dad. In my opinion, your husband as well as mine has not been a great dad. A spouse that cheats also cheats their family. A family is a unit, when one portion of that unit has been cheated the entire unit is affected.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

I understand where you're coming from Lone Star ... I really do. I've had those same thoughts myself. But he's making such an effort to improve himself (and our relationship) that I'm hesitant to throw in the towel.

It may be foolish of me - but when I said "for better or worse", I meant it - and at this point in time, things are getting better. If that changes, trust me - I'll be gone with the wind.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> I understand where you're coming from Lone Star ... I really do. I've had those same thoughts myself. But he's making such an effort to improve himself (and our relationship) that I'm hesitant to throw in the towel.
> 
> It may be foolish of me - but when I said "for better or worse", I meant it - and at this point in time, things are getting better. If that changes, trust me - I'll be gone with the wind.


Ya, if I kept quiet he'd probably be OK. My WS is also willing to try to be better, but after so much damage it's very hard. I think the fact I can't trust him or fully believe him on what he's told me has just about killed it. He's never gonna come clean, this I know.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

That's a shame - he needs to come clean and put it all out there. How can you possibly make a decision on whether to stay or go without complete information?

Have you had a heart to heart talk with him and explained how this is affecting you? Does he realize he's losing you by keeping secrets? 

I sometimes think they just don't get it - just because they say it's over, it doesn't mean it's over for us. It's unfair of him to continue to hide things or to be dishonest - it cheats you out of the ability to consider the entire situation before you make a choice.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> That's a shame - he needs to come clean and put it all out there. How can you possibly make a decision on whether to stay or go without complete information?
> 
> Have you had a heart to heart talk with him and explained how this is affecting you? Does he realize he's losing you by keeping secrets?
> 
> I sometimes think they just don't get it - just because they say it's over, it doesn't mean it's over for us. It's unfair of him to continue to hide things or to be dishonest - it cheats you out of the ability to consider the entire situation before you make a choice.


I've had this conversation with him. He continues to tell me he's come completely clean.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Could it be that he has? Or maybe you need more details than he's given you? Sometimes men are clueless ... you might need to spell it out - ask specific questions so he can't generalize and think he's told all.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

jinba said:


> Could it be that he has? Or maybe you need more details than he's given you? Sometimes men are clueless ... you might need to spell it out - ask specific questions so he can't generalize and think he's told all.


Trust me, I've asked about every question I can think of. He's not budging. Maybe if it wasn't for the HPV I'd believe him.


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