# husband can no longer orgasm with wife



## jbm (Jul 28, 2014)

My husband and i have been together for 13 years and have two kids. 9 months ago everything changed he moved out began having an affair filed for divorce moved in with his girlfriend. He finally realized that this is not him and cancelled the divorce and came back to his family. Now my husband is severely depressed, he says its because of what he put me and the kids threw. He cant sleep and cannot forgive himself for what he did. He is living with his parents and stays with us during the day. His smile is gone, and its so sad. Now for the past month every time we have sex he is unable to get off with me. we try every position everything and he doesn't even come close. This never use to be a problem. He is able to get off by himself just not with me. This is very depressing and just want to get other peoples input thank you.


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## downfall69 (Sep 23, 2012)

most likely the guilt is getting to him and is having trouble focusing.his mind is somewhere else.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

He needs individual counseling for his severe guilt and depression (likely causing his sexual problem) and to figure out why he could so easily and willingly just chuck his entire family willy-nilly.

You need individual counseling to understand how this all affected you, and why you are willing to apparently rug-sweep the whole thing and just let him back in after his horrendous betrayal.

Then, you both need marriage counseling to see if this marriage has any legs left...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If he isn't in counselling now, he needs to be to learn to deal with what he did and the continuing guilt. I think that only when he comes to terms with that, will he be able to function normally again.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

It may not be just about the guilt of what he did to his family. He may still be feeling a bond with the GF and feeling the loss of his lover now that he is back with you. He could be grieving this loss but won't tell you this because he would feel even more guilt than he does now.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why did he come back? Because they broke up? Because he couldn't afford to get divorced? Because of the kids? Or because he loves you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> It may not be just about the guilt of what he did to his family. He may still be feeling a bond with the GF and feeling the loss of his lover now that he is back with you. He could be grieving this loss but won't tell you this because he would feel even more guilt than he does now.


He did the right thing in breaking up with her, and it's a good thing he takes his pain and comes home.

The only way they don't take pain is if the one on the side betrayed them badly or put them in harms way, but then they carry the pain of knowing they hurt you for that.

Yeah, when people break up with affair partners and come home they will "miss" the other person from time to time.


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## jbm (Jul 28, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> If he isn't in counselling now, he needs to be to learn to deal with what he did and the continuing guilt. I think that only when he comes to terms with that, will he be able to function normally again.


He has been going to this Christian psycholgist once every two weeks. I am going to begin going with him beginning this Wednesday and hopefully once a week. The psychologist is an hour away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

You need to find out the 'truth' about why he came back. 

Could be what he told you, but it could also be that his GF broke up with him?


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## jbm (Jul 28, 2014)

PBear said:


> Why did he come back? Because they broke up? Because he couldn't afford to get divorced? Because of the kids? Or because he loves you?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He broke up with her, but she was still going in his job texting him from numerous numbers she is not giving up. Him and I went in her job about a month ago and he told her to quit trying to talk to him and that we were working things out. She doesn't take regection to easily. The whole time he was with her he still was comming to my house everyday to see the kids. Eventhoe he filed for divorce, which he did get enolled, he never fully acted like he was done with me and he was trying to keep her a secret. It was never my husband he was this different person for those 9 months one who I didn't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

jbm said:


> He has been going to this Christian psycholgist once every two weeks. I am going to begin going with him beginning this Wednesday and hopefully once a week. The psychologist is an hour away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's good that he's getting help, and even better now that you're going with him. You mention "Christian" psychologist, though, and I wonder if their focus is emphasizing the guilt rather than handling it healthily. Something for you to watch for when you go, perhaps, to see if this person's approach is helping or hurting.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

He may not be telling you what is really going on. He is more likely to be mourning the loss of the OW. In fact, there is no reason for a WS to not live at home while R. He may be still seeing the OW. The sexual problem points to the afore mentioned factors than any other thing. 

Just want to prepare you. This may not over and he may change his mind and go with the OW. He seems to have formed a strong bond with the OW that will be very hard to break. The only way is NC and lots of time. There is really no way that his feeling changed all of a sudden. The financial issues and seeing the kids may have forced his hand.

Did you have an STD test? I would give sex a moratorium for now. No sense in forcing it or risk a disease if he is still having sex with other woman. Have you seen a lawyer for yourself? How about finances, mortgage, support for you and the children? Go into to investigating mode to verify that he is really in NC. I doubt it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Are you sure he wasn't having an affair before he moved out, and that he ended it vs. having it ended by affair partner?

Some people who like to cheat (i.e. my ex) can only get off when they are putting something over on someone and are in a positive (perceived) of power and control.

Make sure the story is as you describe it, OP.
There may be more to it than he's willing or able to discuss.

If it was my ex, he would still be cheating, staying with 'parents' at night and moping around during the day to make sure I never had anyone else over to talk to or be with (or replace him.) 

Your experience may vary, but I would do some serious sleuthing before believing the 'guilt and depression are making me impotent' story. More likely he's keeping his options open, curtailing your options, and saving money in the process, without giving up his freedom or assuming more responsibility. Plus, he has the pleasure of power and control knowing you can't get out at night without great effort and he knows what you're doing during the day, more or less, and can also monitor your now-private dwelling while you have absolutely no access to his?

Regarding him telling the (or one of the) OW at her work not to contact him, a cheater/liar doesn't mind hurting someone especially if he can tell her later that he 'had to' or 'else' and that 'there is a reason for us why I had to do that...' My ex told a whole bunch of ladies he wasn't going to be emailing them and not to call/text him. Of course, they can say all they want and show you the proof, etc. but in the end they will say to OW well my wife is nuts, so I did it to get her off my back.


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