# Husband acting funny/controlling



## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I have been married for only 6 months. We have 2 kids from previous marriages, the same age. We are in our late 30's. He recently told me quit my job due to me going back to school full-time. He said I would not have enough time for school, and him and the kids if I worked also. There was a guy at my work that was hitting on me and causing problems with me. I thought I could talk to my husband about it but it backfired and he told me to quit because of him and my school. He also has to know where I am going all the time. He gets upset if I dont meet him at the door when he comes home from work, just weird things like that. We have always had our fianances separate, but we did our taxes and he had it put in his account and keep it. 6000 of it was mine from school loans. I feel I should get it and told him, he said he would write me a check and never did, he said he would keep it in his account now that I dont have a job, that he will save it so I can live off it til I get my degree in a year and get another job. Sorry this is long, but I am confused as to "what" his motivation really is. I did quit my job because I did not need it, and I do need to focus on school right now. So it wasnt cause of him. But he is being very weird lately.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Thanks for the reply. I told him I could just get another job, but he was not going for that. It was a real battle to even put in my two weeks. I worked with disabled adults so it was usually just me and this guy working alone. And he knew I was married and no I did not act on his actions. He is also married. He would just say comments to me like "damn your ass looks good" or he would drop something and ask me to pick it up. Once I was bending over a bed and he bent over against me. Stuff like that. My husband has met him and is very intimiated by him, he is a very good looking guy. But so is my husband. I have NO interest in the guy at all. As far as my money, I know if I bring it up it is just going to cause more problems. He said before "you are so worried about your money". Well yea I am! As is he! We have separate accounts for a reason. Why is he all of a sudden taking over my money? I dont get it. And why is he getting so controlling??? I wanted to go to the mall last night ot get some yoga pants for the gym, and he took my keys. He said "no. we'll go friday on my day off".


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

How long did you date him before you married? I see some huge red flags here. It sounds to me like he is trying to control you. If you have no money, you can't leave right? Please get another job, or your $6k back. Please don't get into a situation where you CANT leave if you have to.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

We dated for about a year. Wow- I hope thats not his intentions. I really didnt see any red flags like this when we were dating. He was great. All his ex's cheated on him, so I know he is scarred from that. He is very insecure when it comes to me and other guys. He always checks my cell and asked me about numbers on there.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> He said I would not have enough time for school, and him and the kids if I worked also





happynconfused said:


> He also has to know where I am going all the time. He gets upset if I dont meet him at the door when he comes home from work





happynconfused said:


> we did our taxes and he had it put in his account and keep it. 6000 of it was mine from school loans. I feel I should get it and told him, he said he would write me a check and never did, he said he would keep it in his account now that I dont have a job





happynconfused said:


> I wanted to go to the mall last night ot get some yoga pants for the gym, and he took my keys. He said "no. we'll go friday on my day off".


Does he 'let' you go out with friends? How does he handle when you go to school? Does he check your phone and computer a lot? Did you ever find out what happened to end his previous marriage?

The statements above are what I picked out of your two posts that I see as red flags in his behavior. I don't know if I would worry so much about _why_ he doing what he is doing, but more about *what* he is doing. I suspect that as things go forward, you will see him trying to isolate you more and more from family & friends, job, and people in general. This is classic abuser behavior to separate you from the world and keep you subjugated. You are a grown woman, you don't 'need' him to go to the mall with you.

I would keep a wary eye on him and his behavior. Abusers only get worse, they rarely get better. Keep your finances separate and have a plan in case things go south.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

C3156 said:


> Does he 'let' you go out with friends? How does he handle when you go to school? Does he check your phone and computer a lot? Did you ever find out what happened to end his previous marriage?
> 
> The statements above are what I picked out of your two posts that I see as red flags in his behavior. I don't know if I would worry so much about _why_ he doing what he is doing, but more about *what* he is doing. I suspect that as things go forward, you will see him trying to isolate you more and more from family & friends, job, and people in general. This is classic abuser behavior to separate you from the world and keep you subjugated. You are a grown woman, you don't 'need' him to go to the mall with you.
> 
> I would keep a wary eye on him and his behavior. Abusers only get worse, they rarely get better. Keep your finances separate and have a plan in case things go south.


Please take the above seriously...I have seen friends go thru this..before you know it you CANT DO ANYTHING on your own or without permission...and are penniless...I so hope we are wrong but the above from you states it differently


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> I wanted to go to the mall last night ot get some yoga pants for the gym, and he took my keys. He said "no. we'll go friday on my day off".


You allowed him to take your keys away.

You lose, he wins.

Ever think about saying "Give me my damn keys back right now as well as that check for $6000!"

He may be acting weird and controlling for whatever reasons, but you're enabling it.

You're as much to blame as he is.

Expect it to get much worse unless YOU change.

Oh, and go get another job, you DO need it. Why you put up with sexual harassment from that other guy and not press charges is beyond me.


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## MB20 (Feb 27, 2013)

I also see red flags here. A controlling person will also find reasons to dislike your family or friends and demand you end contact with those people, so they can get you in the most vunerable place, make you feel like you have no one to turn to, no where to go, then they will verbally abuse you make you feel like you are nothing without them; They are your savior! Watch for this to happen as well


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I would be very very worried around this control freak. How dare he tell you that you cannot go to the mall. Who the h*ll does he think he is? Then he takes your keys? No way is this OK. Every time he pulls one of these stunts, and you back off when he gets upset, your self esteem goes down a notch, which is his intention.

If he wants to keep you, he needs to trust you. He gets upset when you ask for YOUR money back? Then he blameshifts and makes it like you're the wrong one? Get that money back. You're going to need it when you high-tail it out of there.

Get a job. He doesn't like it? Tough. You need to be independent because that is exactly what he is trying to remove from you - your independence. He wants you to depend on him for everything, and then you'd better listen to what he says or he'll blow a gasket. This is not the way a healthy marriage is.

You want to know what his motivation is? It's to control your every waking breathing moment. It's sick.

It's time for you to get angry and tell him that his behavior is a threat to your marriage and if he doesn't give you back your money and lay off the control and the anger over not complying with his rules, then you're going to walk. You have a kid at stake here. No kid wants to see their parent treated this way.

And if he gets angry at you for saying this, or tells you that you are causing his anger and you deserve it, then pack up right then and there.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I know guys like this. Insecure and controlling. They do not want their women bettering themselves and having options. Chances are he would have had you quitting your job and dropping out of school regardless of whatever reasons he gave you. He is putting you in a position where you have to rely almost exclusively on him and he will want to keep it that way. Period. It is not uncommon for men like that to become abusive when their sig other starts to be assertive or stand up for themselves. Be careful. These aren't the type of men who can be reasoned with or talked to about their controlling behavior. He'll put most or all of the blame on you for how he acts if you try.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

No he doesnt let me go out with friends unless he goes with me. So I dont even really talk to my friends anymore. All his ex's cheated on him. Thats what ended his last marriage. I did go to the mall today when he was at work. I texted him while I was there and told him. He was fine with it. So thats what confuses me. He is fine today, but last night took my keys away. My mind is going crazy!


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> No he doesnt let me go out with friends unless he goes with me. So I dont even really talk to my friends anymore. All his ex's cheated on him. Thats what ended his last marriage. I did go to the mall today when he was at work. I texted him while I was there and told him. He was fine with it. So thats what confuses me. He is fine today, but last night took my keys away. My mind is going crazy!


Again, how does he "not let you" go out?

Does he restrain you in some fashion, using ropes, chains, or handcuffs?

Does he barricade the doors?

Or is his hold on you completely psychological on you?

Of course, the last question is rhetorical. Let's now take it a step further. Since he has no physical way of stopping you from going out, how is he able to manipulate you to do as he says?

Are you afraid of him? Has he been, or does he have the potential to be violent with you?

If so, there are things that can be done to protect you.

If not, the next time you want to go somewhere, just freaking GO and if he has a problem with it that's too bad!


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

totamm said:


> Again, how does he "not let you" go out?
> 
> Does he restrain you in some fashion, using ropes, chains, or handcuffs?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Well I can't leave if he has the keys. He did give me a check today for my money out of the blue. So that was good. He is so confusing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> Well I can't leave if he has the keys.


Every car comes with 2 sets of keys. If you haven't lost a set, there's one for you and one for him. It's probably safe to assume that there are other keys on the ring that are for your own personal use as well such as house keys, that sort of thing.

Tell him to give you back your set of car keys because they are your own personal property and he does not have the right to take them away from you. Insist on it until he does exactly that. That way, you have your keys and he cannot stop you from getting in your car and going wherever you want to go.

I know, you're wondering why you never thought of that.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Just an update cause I know you all have been wondering SOOO I did not get a check back for my money. Instead he decided to keep it and come up with the excuse that he will know pay all the bills elcetricolliy with it out of his account so it will be "easier" on me so all I need to do is focus on school and the family. So noe the only money I have coming in is my kids child support which isnt alot. And the other night he flipped on me cause I wore a tank top to the gym to work out and asked me who was there, I told him the truth, me and one other guy. (its a 24 hour gym) and he said from now on if I go that late he has to go with me!!! WTH!! I just turned 40! what guy is gonna jump me???? lol I am really getting sick of it. I just dont know what to do about it, I am hoping he will stop. But it doesnt look like it.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

If you have separate finances,don't let him save anything for you,demand that he gives you your money.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I know I know!! I just dont know how to bring it up to him now that he went to the bank and switched his account over to do all this electronic crap. I didnt even ask him to. I thought he was going to write me a check for my money- next thing I know he sits down and says- "well this is whats going to happen". So now I have to go and tell him I want my money? When he is trying to do whats best for us in his mind? Ugh.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

Yes,if you back down now then this is just a start of actions like this where he treats you like a child who can't think for herself.He is thinking about himself not "us".If he was all about "us" then he wouldn't want separate finances.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Very true. Thats why I posted here. I wanted to see things from a different view. Thanks so much.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

His behavior won't stop. You NEED to get out of there ASAP. For gosh sakes, he's holding you hostage by taking your keys and keeping you home. Next time he takes the keys, call the police.

His actions will get worse. Your husband IS abusive. It will never get better. In fact, his behavior will worsen in time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

totamm said:


> Why you put up with sexual harassment from that other guy and not press charges is beyond me.


:iagree:


Happynconfused, can you address this? Why did you put up with sexual harassment on your job. What that guy did could be considered assault, or atl least on the very edge of assualt.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband is abusive. You need to get a job and get out of there before it gets worse.

See an attorney about getting your half of the tax return and spousal support until you find a job.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> Once I was bending over a bed and he bent over against me. Stuff like that.


That is sexual harassment,you should press charges.Your husband seems like very controlling but even the most non controlling husband isn't going to like his wife working with guy who rubs himself against her and she does nothing about it.He probably thinks wherever you work you are going to allow this things to happen.

Can you expand more on this,how long has this sexual harassment been going on before you told your husband about it.If it was going on for some time before you told him I can see his stance on not liking you working out at gym alone with some guy,if that guy tries to grope/rub against you.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I can empathize with your husband's insecurity to a small degree. If this other guy is doing stuff like that and you aren't taking strong and decisive action to stop it, it gives him good reason to fear that you won't behave appropriately. It would also increase his fear if you're going to places where it's just you and one or more other men. It's possible that his fears are justified to some extent... How are you setting boundaries that protect your marriage when it comes to other men?

I can also empathize with him wanting to keep the $6k if he's going to be supporting you. 

However, you're on a slippery slope if you're letting him take keys from you and decide what you can and cannot do without him. It's super important for you to have resources if he crosses a line into abusiveness, and yes, these *are* significant red flags on both of your parts. 

You have to demonstrate that you're strong enough and committed to your marriage enough to not let other men interfere in any way. When someone says or does something inappropriate, you need to show them (and your husband) that you will not tolerate it. A strong response will also show your husband that you won't tolerate bad behavior from him, either, and that you're strong and capable enough to handle matters. 

What would happen if you said that you'd like $2k of your money? This would seem like a reasonable amount to let him keep for his extra expenses supporting you this upcoming year, while giving you a safety cushion that you can keep if his behavior gets out of hand. Obviously, you won't tell him that's your reason for wanting it, but I'd encourage you to get something that you can stash and not spend while you're out of work.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

People are going on the sexual harrassment issue, which is valid for a separate thread, but are missing the point of what is also going on in your marriage. 



happynconfused said:


> I just dont know how to bring it up to him now that he went to the bank and switched his account over to do all this electronic crap. I didnt even ask him to. I thought he was going to write me a check for my money- next thing I know he sits down and says- "well this is whats going to happen". So now I have to go and tell him I want my money?


All my bills are paid electronically too, sending a check is simple. This is just BS he is giving you to skirt the issue that he does not want to give you the money.

You need to have a sit down with your husband and discuss the issues at had: totally taking over the finances, barring you from leaving the house, not allowing you unrestricted access to other people, and in general trying to control your life. How he answers the questions may give you insight into his actions. Then again, if he has done this before, there is a good chance he has a line of BS to give you.

I am a firm believer that a persons action speak louder than words. From what you have written, and there is always more to the story, his actions are that of an abuser. Still in the early stages, but it seems to be getting worse. 

How much are you willing to take before you call him on his BS? You are a grown woman and fully capable of handling your life. He does not need to do it for you.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> Well I can't leave if he has the keys. He did give me a check today for my money out of the blue. So that was good. He is so confusing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am confused--did he give you a check,or not? If so, did you then hand it back to him?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> totally taking over the finances, barring you from leaving the house, not allowing you unrestricted access to other people, and in general trying to control your life. How he answers the questions may give you insight into his actions. Then again, if he has done this before, there is a good chance he has a line of BS to give you.



I agree..and she only knew him for a year before marriage?And this is 6 months in? So 18 months total have known this man.I don't CARE if she was sexually harassed at work..O.K his solution is to quit? O.K then that leads to since she doesn't work he controls all monies??..Hes telling her how to dress..and I'm sorry keeping the keys from her to leave is a hostage like situation .Sure she could leave on foot..Whats next blocking the door?No car /no money at her disposal /no job /giving up her friends?..He's isolating her and making her more and more dependent on him..NOT good..This is from everything I "know" classic abuse.And sets the stage for escalation to worse abuse.

Also you say he wont "let me" and he does "this and that"..and its not want you want..but you are "afraid " to rock the boat or how he will react" You already have the mindset of an abused person.What are you "afraid" exactly he is going to do if you stand up to him?


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Please get away from this man....PLEASE!!! Do whatever you have to...GET OUT NOW!!!

And he is probably reading this thread...have it moved to private...PLEASE GET OUT....

It pains me to hear you be controlled...PLEASE GET OUT


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> I am confused--did he give you a check,or not? If so, did you then hand it back to him?


He never gave her a check for her part of the tax refund.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> He never gave her a check for her part of the tax refund.


I think he gave it to her and then asked for it back.I'll go read.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

notperfectanymore said:


> Please get away from this man....PLEASE!!! Do whatever you have to...GET OUT NOW!!!
> 
> And he is probably reading this thread...have it moved to private...PLEASE GET OUT....
> 
> It pains me to hear you be controlled...PLEASE GET OUT


He might even have a keylogger on her computer. This would not be an unusual move for a controlling person to take.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

#1



happynconfused said:


> I feel I should get it and told him, he said he would write me a check and never did, he said he would keep it in his account now that I dont have a job, that he will save it so I can live off it til I get my degree in a year and get another job. Sorry this is long, but I am confused as to "what" his motivation really is.


#15


happynconfused said:


> Well I can't leave if he has the keys. He did give me a check today for my money out of the blue. So that was good. He is so confusing.


#18


happynconfused said:


> SOOO I did not get a check back for my money. Instead he decided to keep it and come up with the excuse that he will know pay all the bills elcetricolliy with it out of his account so it will be "easier" on me so all I need to do is focus on school and the family.


Can you please explain how he gave you a check in post #15 but then you say in post #18 that you did not get a check.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> He might even have a keylogger on her computer. This would not be an unusual move for a controlling person to take.


Yep..if he is telling her not to wear a tank top to a gym??Wouldn't be surprised if hes watching every word I'm typing right this second and you are and she is and everybody is on this thread is..

If so dude? the only reason to hold your wife's keys from her to leave? Is if she is intoxicated..deposit 1/2 her 6,000 check in an account for her to use at her discretion unless she has a gambling problem..tank tops? are appropriate for work outs in fact standard...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Can you please explain how he gave you a check in post #15 but then you say in post #18 that you did not get a check.


right it cant be both.Did or didn't.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> I agree..and she only knew him for a year before marriage?And this is 6 months in? So 18 months total have known this man.I don't CARE if she was sexually harassed at work..O.K his solution is to quit? O.K then that leads to since she doesn't work he controls all monies??..Hes telling her how to dress..and I'm sorry keeping the keys from her to leave is a hostage like situation .Sure she could leave on foot..Whats next blocking the door?No car /no money at her disposal /no job /giving up her friends?..He's isolating her and making her more and more dependent on him..NOT good..This is from everything I "know" classic abuse.And sets the stage for escalation to worse abuse.
> 
> Also you say he wont "let me" and he does "this and that"..and its not want you want..but you are "afraid " to rock the boat or how he will react" You already have the mindset of an abused person.What are you "afraid" exactly he is going to do if you stand up to him?


Taking car keys is a hallmark of control-freak abusers...


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

*happynconfused:*
Your h's behavior is TOTAL bullcrap!



> All his ex's cheated on him


This is extreme and is either true or not. Either way, it is a VERY revealing statement about him! You only have HIS word for it, let's look at what it says about him.

Every ex did NOT cheat on him.

He's a liar.
He's trying to manipulate you; get you feel sorry for him. Poor guy, you have to be EXTRA NICE and accomodating, and let him get away with more crap cuz he's been 'scarred'.
He's always been an abusive/controlling man and he's grooming you to WANT to take his crap, to PROVE you're different than his exes, that you UNDERSTAND him better, that you LOVE him better. And you will PROVE you're 'better' than all his exes by taking any crap he dishes out.
Every ex DID, in fact, cheat on him.

He's an abusive/controlling man who pushed every woman out of his life with his extremely controlling behaviors. They ran away and escaped. In HIS MIND, does "cheating" on him mean "dumping him" instead of him dumping them? does it mean physically cheating? 
He's been with lying, cheaters who stepped out on him. Okay, they're lying cheaters; but what does that say about HIM that he REPEATEDLY CHOOSES lying cheaters?

Six months in, and 

you MUST quit your job (I assume you were speaking to your H in an effort to figure out HOW to handle the situation: quitting, filing criminal charges, filing harassment charges, filing a complaint through HR Dept, etc.)
he took $6K in YOUR money and won't return it (his reasoning is BS, you could still keep YOUR money as you have been and HAND HIM A CHECK every month to cover your portion of the expenses)
he took your keys to keep you from going shopping; you MUST go WITH HIM
he is criticizing your clothes
he is REFUSING TO ALLOW you to get another job
he is making YOU PAY for the sins of his exes (you've never cheated on him, but he insists on checking your phone and keeping tabs on you continually)
he gets angry if you don't meet him at the door! (I hope you time your bathroom breaks conveniently, nothing ever boils over on the stove, the kids aren't fighting or needing your attention, you aren't in the middle of ironing clothes, etc.!)
he has isolated you from your friends; you can ONLY see them if HE's WITH YOU
he is making unilateral FINANCIAL decisions after you had BOTH AGREED to keep your finances SEPARATE!!



> When he is trying to do whats best for us in his mind? Ugh.


Ugh is RIGHT! He is NOT trying to do what is "best for you two"...he is trying to do what is best for HIM because HE has never dealt with his OWN demons. Now he's painting you (and all women) as cheaters! So YOU'RE gonna have to pay for crap you never did! Some other woman(en) cheated, but YOU are JUST LIKE THEM! You're UNTRUSTWORTHY! You're a LIAR, you're a CHEATER...he just hasn't see it YET....but he's looking...and he's gonna keep looking until he finds it!!! (or manufactures it in his own mind).

Do you REALLY want a lifetime of this crap?

Do you want your child to see a childhood of this crap?

Go see a divorce attorney (first visit is usually free or cheap). Get knowledgeable about your rights. Find out what would happen in a divorce, how long it would take, how much it would cost, what would happen to assets/debts, etc.

Even if you decide not to file (or not to file NOW), it pays to be knowledgeable. It is very telling that your h is trying to isolate you, demanding certain behaviors, controlling certain behaviors. We don't have to wonder what would happen if YOU demanded certain behaviors from him (I wouldn't recommend it). I'm SURE he would NOT like it, and he'd let you KNOW it.

Your only recourse at this point is to make a STAND! KNOW your LEGAL rights and enforce them! If he knows you have already circumvented his bs by getting knowledgeable, he may give you back your money. If you just ask/demand it, he's NEVER gonna do it.

I'd highly suggest you take your child and get the hell out of this marriage NOW. Inquire of your attorney how to get your money back from H; you'll need part of it to pay for a divorce.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Taking car keys is a hallmark of control-freak abusers...


YEP....and making you change clothes or going with you to the "gym"..

Its not like "honey I have to walk through a dark alley and I'm afraid..

But who knows...maybe he KNOWS she is a target for abuse (and hes one of them) so he wants to keep her all to himself?


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I apologize for the confusion. He did not give me a check. He said that day he was going to then never did. I finally stood up for myself yesterday and wore a tank top again to the gym. NOT a good move. He asked what I wore. I told him. He got home from work and wouldnt even hardly talk to me. He said if I didnt wear a tshirt next time he would go change it into his name. ( I dont think he would ). I really think he is all talk. I just hate him being mad thats why I dont do it. He acts like a 2 year old. It ridiculous. It gets HOT at the gym! I told him that I cant take him being that way and I was worried about him getting worse, and his response was " I couldnt live with myself if something happened to you" 
And what is the tracking thing on my computer? how would I know if thats on here?


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## sofie (Mar 20, 2011)

happynconfused said:


> I apologize for the confusion. He did not give me a check. He said that day he was going to then never did. I finally stood up for myself yesterday and wore a tank top again to the gym. NOT a good move. He asked what I wore. I told him. He got home from work and wouldnt even hardly talk to me. He said if I didnt wear a tshirt next time he would go change it into his name. ( I dont think he would ). I really think he is all talk. I just hate him being mad thats why I dont do it. He acts like a 2 year old. It ridiculous. It gets HOT at the gym! I told him that I cant take him being that way and I was worried about him getting worse, and his response was " I couldnt live with myself if something happened to you"
> And what is the tracking thing on my computer? how would I know if thats on here?


Please!!!
As soon as you have the keys, go to the hardware store and duplicate ALL the keys of the cars, house, safety boxes and whatever!! Then hide them.
Then apply for a job. Do part time if you need time for study. It will give you some money and he will not have so much power over you.
Then get the money back. If needed ask it when someone is around or mumble something about asking the IRS about it.
Make sure that you are safe. Deposit a letter at a bank safety box or tell a good friend. Make sure that you have a place to go when things get worse.
Use someone else's computer or at an internet cafe or library to google "keylogger" and software to detect it.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

*his response was "I couldnt live with myself if something happened to you" *

Yeah, RIGHT! So...


Something would happen to you if you got a job! (you're not capable of working and going to school at the same time like countless THOUSANDS of us have done!)
Something would happen to you if you had your $6K.
Something would happen to you if you go to the mall alone AFTER 5:00pm...but not during the day?!?
You will be RAPED if you wear a tank top to the gym.
Something will happen to you if HE doesn't constantly check YOUR phone for messages/texts!
Something would happen to you if you didn't meet him at the door (maybe you're helping your illicit lover escape out the back window while hubby comes in the front door?)
Something would happen to you if you meet your friends without him. (They'll talk you into becoming a drunken 'ho! Or, maybe they're lesbian ninja's trying to recruit you to go all FEMINIST on his ass!)
Something would happen to you if HE didn't take care of ALL THE MONEY by himself?!?
Wow! It's nothing short of AMAZING that you managed to live LONG ENOUGH to meet him...what with you being such an incompetent boob and all! Whew! Dodged a bullet on that one! Superman is going to rescue you from the unpleasantness of REAL LIFE! I'm pretty sure you've dealt with crap before...you're a grown woman and somebody's mom!

Can you see that his excuse is total BS? I hope you can see it, the points above PROVE it.

He's afraid you'll cheat on him, or leave him....but he's just about guaranteed it with his bullying, controlling behavior.

Decide if he's got enough potential to stay! If he REFUSES marriage counseling, I PERSONALLY, would consider it a deal-breaker. He's not SUDDENLY on his own going to have a 'see the light' moment about trusting you!

Get educated about your rights. Make some tough decisions. Draw some FIRM BOUNDARIES and enforce them (whatever THEY are).

Good luck, honey, you are going to need it!


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> I apologize for the confusion. He did not give me a check. He said that day he was going to then never did. I finally stood up for myself yesterday and wore a tank top again to the gym. NOT a good move. He asked what I wore. I told him. He got home from work and wouldnt even hardly talk to me. He said if I didnt wear a tshirt next time he would go change it into his name. ( I dont think he would ). I really think he is all talk. I just hate him being mad thats why I dont do it. He acts like a 2 year old. It ridiculous. It gets HOT at the gym! I told him that I cant take him being that way and I was worried about him getting worse, and his response was " I couldnt live with myself if something happened to you"
> And what is the tracking thing on my computer? how would I know if thats on here?


Would put what in his name? 

It's one thing for him to be unhappy about something you've done, but now he's making actual threats. Instead of taking it seriously, you're saying, "Oh, I don't believe it." 

You better believe it! It IS a threat, and threatening people is not a way to show love. 

His "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you" is baloney. Something IS happening to you: You're being controlled and feeling afraid of the most significant person in your life. What is he doing to stop THAT?

You wouldn't know if there's a tracking device. They can be put on computers, phones, and even in cars. My daughter dated a guy that put a GPS device in her backseat that she didn't find for months afterward, and she wasn't doing anything wrong!


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