# Hurts and fights preceding ED?



## rushmore (Jan 24, 2013)

It's been a while since I've been here. Two months ago, I hurt my lower back, was on pain meds for a month, withdrawal for a week following, now under the care of a holistic doctor - no prescriptions but various supplements and chiropractic care. Feeling better, but not 100%. Since my accident, I was unable to even think about having sex with my wife of 9 years. Though in the last 2 months, we've had sex twice. It's not painful. I just don't have a libido right now, which I attribute to either a complication from my back injury or new supplements. My wife is very pretty, so it's not her looks. For the first 4 or 5 weeks after my injury, I couldn't even see through my pain. She cared for me very well and made me feel valued. But I haven't planned any us time. Now that I'm better, the hectic schedule of 4 young children, school, soccer, dancing, weekend travel, etc... has only permitted dates about one or two times. I failed to act, regrettably. She thinks I'm gay (whole other story from a previous post, if you're interested http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/66147-accused-being-gay.html). So now the **** has hit the fan and she's tired of being ignored and wants me out of the bed and wants to build an arrangement where we can establish in our house all the legal requirements of being separated while living together. 

I'm wondering if I have erectile dysfunction. I don't feel any blood moving down there, and it's not because I'm attracted to men. Yuk (no offense). I accept responsibility for having missed the opportunity to make time with her and to go on dates. But I'm in unchartered waters for having lost my libido. I'm 37, and have always been up for a roll in the hay, though I've always been monogamous with her.

She wants me out of the bed. I said no. She said she would leave the bed then. Etc... I'm alpha, but my heart sinks when I've made her mad. I need some advice on the physiological side of the equation. Do hurts and fights often precede ED?

Thanks.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

In a nut shell, yes hurts and fight can precede ED. But ED doesn't affect your libido.

I hope you figure out a way to communicate your love and loving attraction to her. You are on a slippery slope that is very difficult to gain solid ground.


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## rushmore (Jan 24, 2013)

Thanks. I should probably add that I went from 200 pounds to 175 pounds in one month, so I know something abnormal is going on with my body.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

rushmore said:


> It's been a while since I've been here. Two months ago, I hurt my lower back, was on pain meds for a month, withdrawal for a week following, now under the care of a holistic doctor - no prescriptions but various supplements and chiropractic care. Feeling better, but not 100%. Since my accident, I was unable to even think about having sex with my wife of 9 years. Though in the last 2 months, we've had sex twice. It's not painful. I just don't have a libido right now, which I attribute to either a complication from my back injury or new supplements. My wife is very pretty, so it's not her looks. For the first 4 or 5 weeks after my injury, I couldn't even see through my pain. She cared for me very well and made me feel valued. But I haven't planned any us time. Now that I'm better, the hectic schedule of 4 young children, school, soccer, dancing, weekend travel, etc... has only permitted dates about one or two times. I failed to act, regrettably. She thinks I'm gay (whole other story from a previous post, if you're interested http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/66147-accused-being-gay.html). So now the **** has hit the fan and she's tired of being ignored and wants me out of the bed and wants to build an arrangement where we can establish in our house all the legal requirements of being separated while living together.
> 
> I'm wondering if I have erectile dysfunction. I don't feel any blood moving down there, and it's not because I'm attracted to men. Yuk (no offense). I accept responsibility for having missed the opportunity to make time with her and to go on dates. But I'm in unchartered waters for having lost my libido. I'm 37, and have always been up for a roll in the hay, though I've always been monogamous with her.
> 
> ...


Rejection and depression, will take your mind down some notches, which takes your erection strength down some notches. Enough rejection can kill it, unless you are able to ignore and withstand it. Still some of the rejection is very hard to overcome.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

rushmore said:


> Thanks. I should probably add that I went from 200 pounds to 175 pounds in one month, so I know something abnormal is going on with my body.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So what have you done to look into this?

ED drugs help with the physical functioning, not the desire. So unless you have a need to carry donuts without using your hands, that's not where I would start. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

Go to the doctor for a workup including testosterone levels.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Does she respond favorably to cuddling, emotional intimacy, etc? I know in my house my H travels quite a bit - but it seems he also thinks that if sex is not convenient nothing else needs to go on either. My mental timer goes off about day 10 with wanting to punch him in the face because I feel ignored.

If things aren't back to working physically yet there is still a lot of ground to cover that may meet her needs.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I feel for you both.

Is the relationship still loving and affectionate.
Have you both talked about this? Properly? With a resolution?

Does she understand that YOU don't understand what's happening to your body.

In my world I would be going crazy by now in your wifes shoes... she probably feels ugly and undesirable and rejected. 

I really hope you two are talking about this...as Anon Pink says...this is a slippery slope. Too many marriages never recover from something like this.

Don't let it go on one more day...even if there is no sex. Get the talking, kissing cuddling.....loving happening. Everyday.

Or you risk losing your wife and your marriage.

Good luck with the recovery of your back and your marriage.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

waiwera said:


> In my world I would be going crazy by now in your wifes shoes... *she probably feels ugly and undesirable and rejected. *
> 
> I really hope you two are talking about this...
> 
> ...



QFT!

Now that I know what QFT stands for....


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