# Help! Jealousy and Resentment with Stepson Causing Problems



## Amberwaves

I had a long argument with my husband last night. I was straightforward with him that for months now he has been spending 90% of his time with his 13 year-old son, my stepson. I am feeling lonely and neglected. We have an 8 year old boy together.

He feels like he has to overcompensate for the boys' mother wanting to not mother him. He is with us all the time. The boy seems very needy, and is doing poorly in school and I suspect he may have a learning problem, perhaps even a couple, but has not been properly evaluated. It takes him 2 hours to do about 1/2 hour of homework! My husband will pick up him up from school at 3 pm and sometimes will not see him (they go out to the guest house) until 8 or 9 pm. Then, he will often spend a good deal of the day, often on a weekend.

I am really jealous, feel really neglected as written before. I've talked to him. I am becoming deeply resentful that's growing and growing. May I also add that this pattern has been there before. My husband has neglected my needs because of his son, and is neglecting our son as well. When I've talked to him about it he says, "I have to do this and I need your support on it. I do love you and our son very much".

I'm concerned because resentment is also toward his son, so much that I'm feeling hatred toward him. I know how awful that sounds, to have those terrible feelings to a child. I some times can't help but think that his son is monoplizing his time and is manipulative because he is emotionally needy and does not get attention from the mother. Why should I suffer and our son suffer because of that? Isn't he doing the same thing, in essence, that she is? 

Help, I don't know what to do. This is driving a wedge between us. I told him that I cannot live like this and maybe we need to do a seperation until he can find some balance and have time for the whole family, not just one member of the family. What do you think? Am I being selfish? Maybe I am. His son is sooo needy in every way. Maybe I should be more understanding and supportive? What about my son and I, what about us?

This is affecting our intimacy, romantic and sex life

What does any one think? Advice, insight?


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## takris

No matter what happens between you and your husband, your feelings and actions regarding his son is shaping the son's life. Maybe he is needy and manipulative, but he's only thirteen. Regarding him, you have a choice of whether you could be a positive influence, or negative.

Not defending the husband, though. Hopefully, you can tell him your expectations and follow through over the consequences if needed. He's the one hurting your child through his ignoring him, and ultimately, he's the root of this problem. Maybe even offer to spend quality time with his son while he spends time with yours.

I was twelve and thirteen when I lived with my father. He and his wife did not get along well at all. I wasn't needy, but I could tell she saw me as part of the reason for their problems. One day, she even told me that she wished I didn't live with them. So I left. (Won't go into details about what its like to be homeless at that age).

Long and short of it is that I learned never to depend on people. It was a life lesson I've always carried. You and your husband will learn things from this experience, but the children will too.


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## chefmaster

Well, yeah.

Ok, the first thing I would do if I were you to help ease the hatred, jealousy and resentment is to force myself to see just how much is being accomplished through your husband's many hours of dedication to his son.

Go to your local Radio Shack and purchase a voice-activated audio recorder(about $40) open the box and tell the attendant you need batteries and you want him to show you how to use the recorder. Radio Shack is awesome that way, it's in their job description to teach you how to use the stuff they sell.

Once you feel you can use it properly, take it out and place it in the guest house in an inconspicuous location(Do not put anything directly on top of the recorder) and then check it the next day. Do this until you get the drift of what exactly is going on, perhaps you can even devise a plan to incorporate the lessons into the family structure.

If he moved these sessions from the guest house into the main house many of these problems would be solved, wouldn't they?

What are the reasons he's given for needing to do this in the guest house?


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## major misfit

I understand your resentment towards the child...but the problem is your husband 100%. The child can't help being 13. He didn't ask for his parents to split up and become the stepchild in this situation. Dad's likely feeling guilty and I think your assessment that he's overcompensating is likely an accurate one. He's going to be feeling guilty about two kids though if he doesn't get a clue. 

Can you help out with the homework? Maybe you can go out to the guesthouse (I don't understand why they go out there either...there are always areas in a house that be made peaceful and quiet so that someone can study or do homework in peace) and you work with him for awhile while your husband spends time with y'alls son? As far as the spending time on the weekends go, can you arrange activities that involve the whole family?


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## Deejo

I don't feel like there is enough information here. I get the impression, stepson doesn't live with you - or does he?

I'm also left with the impression that this is relatively recent - in other words, maybe a few months or a few years, but has not been the case throughout your entire marriage. You notably do not say that he ALWAYS neglected your bio child. Given that you have a 'guest house', I'm also presuming there aren't any financial obstacles contributing to the circumstances.

You clearly state that stepson's mother does a lousy job. You further state that the child is doing extremely poorly in school and likely has one or more learning disabilities - and possibly deeper psychological issues.



> I am feeling lonely and neglected.


So who exactly is being needy here? The child whose life you describe as a train-wreck or the jealous step-mom that resents him for capitalizing dad's time? I'm not scolding you, I appreciate your being honest about the circumstances - but as others have said, the child has virtually no control over the circumstances at the moment. Simply trying to ask you to think about what you are ascribing to a child, and put in context.

You don't mention the relationship between your son's. Based on that, I'm presuming it's actually pretty good - if not standard in terms of conflict between 2 kids ages 13 and 8.

I'm making presumptions - based on the fact that I have a special needs child, who does require an inordinate amount of attention both educationally and behaviorally compared to his sister who is four years younger. She absolutely gets the shaft, but it is what it is. Neither myself nor my ex overcompensates for our son because we choose to - it NEEDS to be done. And yes, we certainly love our daughter and set aside just time for her as well.

I would surmise that your husband takes your stepson to the guest house for one of two reasons: either to avoid distractions if he is actually working with his son, or, your negativity is palpable - either your husband sees it, or your stepson sees it.

Either way, both you and your husband have a lot of work to do. This is what you signed up for - find a way to make it work.
Set aside a room in the house for he and his son to do work. Schedule work time and family time - the whole family. Create a routine, with set times so that everybody gets their needs met. School/work time. Down time, family time, couple time. I think what bothers me is that I can't shake the notion that you simply don't want this kid around at all.

What I do know is how this story ends if you stay on the course you're currently on. My marriage didn't make it. Were my kids a factor? Without a doubt. Do blame them or hold them responsible? Never.

You have two adults in this equation. Start there before pulling kids into the resentment equation.


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## Amberwaves

Thanks everyone for your responses.

This is a _complicated situation _which is part of a pattern that has gone on for years and years now. It's hard to supply all the information. 

I'll try to break it down.

1) The marriage started off rocky. Husband would give me no affection nor attention and had an emotional affair with the ex-wife.

2)My stepson was 4 yrs. old when we married and from 8 to about 10 or 11, he didn't want me around and was allowed to disrespect me, call me names, manipulate, and lie. Went on for years. 

3)My husband gradually saw this and saw that it was destructive and we reconnected and the relationship improved. I do think we love each other, and he is in many ways, a good husband. He provides and can be very kind.

4)The psychologist said that my step had behavioral problems having to do with an avoidant personality, and possible, but not clear ADD.

5)My step has gradually learned to at least accept me, and respect me, more or less. I've accepted him more.

6)There has been a pattern since the beginning of the marriage, because of overcompensation, of my husband neglecting myself and our biological child. I told him he needs a dad, too.

7)_ He is in the guest house _because it is quiet in there with no distractions which is necessary for him to concentrate and get his work done. Also because when he was in the main house, they worked in the kitchen; there was all kind of hem-hawing and yelling going on between them when they worked. It was creating a negative atmosphere in the house. My step will have days when he fights getting the work done for hours on end.




takris said:


> Not defending the husband, though. Hopefully, you can tell him your expectations and follow through over the consequences if needed. He's the one hurting your child through his ignoring him, and ultimately, he's the root of this problem. _Maybe even offer to spend quality time with his son while he spends time with yours._
> I was twelve and thirteen when I lived with my father. He and his wife did not get along well at all. I wasn't needy, but I could tell she saw me as part of the reason for their problems. _One day, she even told me that she wished I didn't live with them. _ So I left. (Won't go into details about what its like to be homeless at that age).


I really don't want to hurt this child. He may not be an angel, but I would not want to hurt his life and drive him away. On the contrary, I'd like to bring us together. We may try to trade off if that works. I can't be a substitute mommy, but maybe a relationship with him would help.
I'm sorry for the pain your stepmom caused you and I do not want to do the same.



chefmaster said:


> Well, yeah.
> 
> 
> _Go to your local Radio Shack and purchase a voice-activated audio recorder(about $40) open the box and tell the attendant you need batteries and you want him to show you how to use the recorder._ Radio Shack is awesome that way, it's in their job description to teach you how to use the stuff they sell.
> 
> If he moved these sessions from the guest house into the main house many of these problems would be solved, wouldn't they?
> 
> _What are the reasons he's given for needing to do this in the guest house?_


I would like to investigate. I think I know what's going on out there, it's only 10 feet away from the main house; but yeah, have wondered.
The reason why he is in the guest house is because the step needs to his work with no distractions. It's hard for him to concentrate and get anything done, otherwise. And because of the noise level & negativity when they are working. 



major misfit said:


> I understand your resentment towards the child...but the problem is your husband 100%. The child can't help being 13. He didn't ask for his parents to split up and become the stepchild in this situation. Dad's likely feeling guilty and I think your assessment that he's overcompensating is likely an accurate one. He's going to be feeling guilty about two kids though if he doesn't get a clue.
> 
> _Can you help out with the homework? _Maybe you can go out to the guesthouse (I don't understand why they go out there either...there are always areas in a house that be made peaceful and quiet so that someone can study or do homework in peace) and you work with him for awhile while your husband spends time with y'alls son? As far as the spending time on the weekends go, can you arrange activities that involve the whole family?


I told him I could help with the writing assignments, if step would allow me. He is very stubborn and feisty at times. I am concerned that my husband later down the road will see that he neglected one son while overcompensating for the other. And sons need their fathers. I feel like a single mom some times. This morning my son was refusing to do something his dad asked him to do, I think simply because he is not used getting instruction from his dad who hasn't been around!



Deejo said:


> I don't feel like there is enough information here. _I get the impression, stepson doesn't live with you - or does he?_
> _Given that you have a 'guest house', I'm also presuming there aren't any financial obstacles contributing to the circumstances_.
> 
> _You clearly state that stepson's mother does a lousy job. You further state that the child is doing extremely poorly in school and likely has one or more learning disabilities - and possibly deeper psychological issues._
> _So who exactly is being needy here? The child whose life you describe as a train-wreck or the jealous step-mom that resents him for capitalizing dad's time? _I'm not scolding you, I appreciate your being honest about the circumstances - but as others have said, the child has virtually no control over the circumstances at the moment. Simply trying to ask you to think about what you are ascribing to a child, and put in context.
> 
> _You don't mention the relationship between your son's. _Based on that, I'm presuming it's actually pretty good - if not standard in terms of conflict between 2 kids ages 13 and 8.
> 
> I'm making presumptions - based on the fact that I have a special needs child, who does require an inordinate amount of attention both educationally and behaviorally compared to his sister who is four years younger. She absolutely gets the shaft, but it is what it is. _Neither myself nor my ex overcompensates for our son because we choose to - it NEEDS to be done._ And yes, we certainly love our daughter and set aside just time for her as well.
> 
> Either way, both you and your husband have a lot of work to do. This is what you signed up for - find a way to make it work.
> Set aside a room in the house for he and his son to do work. Schedule work time and family time - the whole family._ Create a routine, with set times so that everybody gets their needs met. School/work time. Down time, family time, couple time._ _I think what bothers me is that I can't shake the notion that you simply don't want this kid around at all._
> What I do know is how this story ends if you stay on the course you're currently on. My marriage didn't make it. Were my kids a factor? Without a doubt. Do blame them or hold them responsible? Never.
> 
> You have two adults in this equation. Start there before pulling kids into the resentment equation.


The impression of years of knowing the ex-wife is that she doesn't want to mother, and doesn't want to take care of the main responsibilities. For example, not once has she helped him with home work, ever. I do think he has some deep psychological problems. He was born premature, and he has had to deal with divorce, and his moms' multitude of worthless boyfriends, one of which, found out, was a drug addict and dealer. This little boy has been through hell. This is contradictory, but I do have some compassion for him, as well as deep resentment. Maybe I don't 'hate' him (that's a strong word).

Yes, I am being needy. I need my husband to love me and our son and spend time with us. I think he is torn. I think he could see he doesn't have to overcompensate anymore & that it's being divisive.

The boys play together pretty well, like together, share interests, and share a room. 

I do see that he is doing what needs to be done. The thing is, he has put a child who has heavy psychological, learning problems in academically challenging private school. He had enough problems in regular school! 

There are many times when I don't want this child around at all. A lot would be solved if he simply were not there. But that is not going to happen. I'm going to have to accept it completely or get out of the marriage.
I would like us to balance the time so there is time for everyone. I wish he would get a tutor and then we could get a babysitter for nights out. Financially, we are doing okay, so I don't see why not.


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## major misfit

Your last paragraph left me with the feeling that you see the child as a problem, and life would just be easier if he weren't in it. If that's not your intention, I need to let you know that is how *I* perceived what you wrote. 

You said it might be easier if you had a relationship with the step. WELL YEAH! It takes a lot of time and dedication on the part of a stepparent to have a r-ship with the child. 

My mom died when I was 12 (I don't say this to gain sympathy, I'm going somewhere with this)...my father sank to the bottom of a beer bottle. I was homeless at 15, until I got my own apartment by working two part time jobs and going to school. I rode the city bus. I didn't know my father was remarrying until he asked to pick me up to take me to meet her. AND her 9yo daughter. They married, he adopted the daughter, they had another son, and I never saw any of them. I wasn't invited to live with them. And they wonder now (my father is deceased) why I have nothing to do with my stepsister (I have trouble even saying the word) and half brother. 

Please build a relationship with the step. He gets along well with his brother. They need each other in this life. Parents don't live forever. You still have many years to be a loving, positive influence in the boys' life. It will only benefit EVERYONE if you make a real attempt to do so. 

Getting a tutor is an excellent idea. Some schools have high school students that will tutor, and they don't charge much. Your husband really needs to know that he needs to nurture the marriage as well, by having nights out with you. I would sure make a family game night, or movie night, or something to where you're all spending time together as a family. I would also take the boys out together BY MYSELF, and treat the step as though he were my own. I would do this a couple of times a week, if the mother would allow it. 

The step has difficulties that need to be dealt with, and the only people that can help him THE MOST are you and your husband. You could get on board with helping the boy. These difficulties in school won't last forever. 

BTW...can I ask...what do you think is going on out there in the guest house?


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## takris

When you added the part about your husband's emotional affair, I can't help but wonder if there is a problem here that would still exist even if the stepson was not part of the equation.

What kind've man would avoid his current wife, and her child, so he could make his other son's life more balanced? When you married him, there had to be some basic assumptions discussed about children and his roles. So, he has an emotional affair with the exwife, and now spends all of his energy on her child? Is there a pssibility that this is still a part of his attachment to the former wife?

I recognize that its complicated, but you seem to be trying to carry the burden of fixing this on your shoulders alone. Nobody can blame you for your feelings about the son, but I hope you see that the anger is misplaced. My suggestion is that there should be a frank discussion about his limits with the other child. And if you are serious about it, him saying no is not an option.


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## greeneyeddolphin

Ok, here's one thing I notice: a doctor *thinks* he has ADD. If they think ADD/ADHD might be an issue, he needs to be thoroughly checked and if he has it, diagnosed and treated. Undiagnosed, he will continue to struggle in school, and some of these other problems would be resulting from ADD/ADHD, if he has it. Getting that resolved could go a long way toward resolving the other problems. 

Another thought is that you admit that there are times when you think it would be easier if he weren't around and you wish he weren't around, even though you know that can't/won't happen. Children can be very observant and often know how others feel about them, even when those people think they are doing a good job of hiding it. If he senses how you feel about him, it's possible that he acts out more or tries to get more of your husband's time as a result. He might do it to get back at you, or simply because he needs that reassurance of his father's love and loyalty, and that's how he can get it. 

Maybe you guys could all do some family counseling to try to resolve some of this?


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## chefmaster

Amberwaves said:


> I would like to investigate. I think I know what's going on out there, it's only 10 feet away from the main house; but yeah, have wondered.
> The reason why he is in the guest house is because the step needs to his work with no distractions. It's hard for him to concentrate and get anything done, otherwise. And because of the noise level & negativity when they are working.


Your last post cleared up a lot of questions. 




One of my reasons for finding out how he was teaching him is because of something you said in your first post:

_*he may have a learning problem, perhaps even a couple, but has not been properly evaluated.*_

Perhaps this is also a reason they are losing so much time with you guys as a family.


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## jimrich

I just read your first post so.......
re: I am really jealous, feel really neglected as written before. I've talked to him. I am becoming deeply resentful that's growing and growing. May I also add that this pattern has been there before. My husband has neglected my needs because of his son, and is neglecting our son as well. When I've talked to him about it he says, "I have to do this and I need your support on it. I do love you and our son very much".

I'm concerned because resentment is also toward his son, so much that I'm feeling hatred toward him. 
...IMO, you have two problems there.
1. Your insecurity, jealousy, hatred, resentment, etc. are all the direct result of your own inadequate, faulty self worth/esteem. This can easily be fixed - google: self worth and learn how to improve yours RIGHT AWAY. It will be a blessing for your own son to have at least one self respecting parent and when your self worth/confidence improves, you will be better equipped to confront your husband on the step son issues.

2. IMO, your communications and relationship with your husband is not as good as it needs to be. google: relationships and get started learning how to communicate better and get what you want. Good relationship skills are ABSOLUTELY essential to improve yours and most others folks situations.

re: 1) The marriage started off rocky. Husband would give me no affection nor attention and had an emotional affair with the ex-wife.
.... That would definitely harm your self esteem, especially if it was not real strong to begin with. Did you consider working on the marriage or counseling back then?

re: 2)My stepson was 4 yrs. old when we married and from 8 to about 10 or 11, he didn't want me around and was allowed to disrespect me, call me names, manipulate, and lie. Went on for years.
..... OK, this explains your 'hatred' of the step son. The adults who allowed this "disrespect, name calling, lying, etc." to go on for years, not only dissed you, they also FAILED to give the step son a proper upbringing and I consider that CHILD ABUSE & NEGLECT!! 

re: 6)There has been a pattern since the beginning of the marriage, because of overcompensation, of my husband neglecting myself and our biological child. I told him he needs a dad, too.
... I see this as a definite need for marriage counseling!

I read the rest of your posts........
re: Financially, we are doing okay, so I don't see why not.
..... It seems like much of what you wrote is solvable BUT a good counselor may be needed to help you and your hubs learn how to communicate better, resolve issues, negotiate, compromise and find solutions that everyone can live with. 
Get some relationship books or whatever you can to LEARN HOW to make things work better.
When you learn how to make it work, both kids will gain more respect for you adults and all of you may eventually become happier.
It's all about learning how!
Good luck
Jim


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## MsLonely

Deejo said:


> I don't feel like there is enough information here. I get the impression, stepson doesn't live with you - or does he?
> 
> I'm also left with the impression that this is relatively recent - in other words, maybe a few months or a few years, but has not been the case throughout your entire marriage. You notably do not say that he ALWAYS neglected your bio child. Given that you have a 'guest house', I'm also presuming there aren't any financial obstacles contributing to the circumstances.
> 
> You clearly state that stepson's mother does a lousy job. You further state that the child is doing extremely poorly in school and likely has one or more learning disabilities - and possibly deeper psychological issues.
> 
> 
> So who exactly is being needy here? The child whose life you describe as a train-wreck or the jealous step-mom that resents him for capitalizing dad's time? I'm not scolding you, I appreciate your being honest about the circumstances - but as others have said, the child has virtually no control over the circumstances at the moment. Simply trying to ask you to think about what you are ascribing to a child, and put in context.
> 
> You don't mention the relationship between your son's. Based on that, I'm presuming it's actually pretty good - if not standard in terms of conflict between 2 kids ages 13 and 8.
> 
> I'm making presumptions - based on the fact that I have a special needs child, who does require an inordinate amount of attention both educationally and behaviorally compared to his sister who is four years younger. She absolutely gets the shaft, but it is what it is. Neither myself nor my ex overcompensates for our son because we choose to - it NEEDS to be done. And yes, we certainly love our daughter and set aside just time for her as well.
> 
> I would surmise that your husband takes your stepson to the guest house for one of two reasons: either to avoid distractions if he is actually working with his son, or, your negativity is palpable - either your husband sees it, or your stepson sees it.
> 
> Either way, both you and your husband have a lot of work to do. This is what you signed up for - find a way to make it work.
> Set aside a room in the house for he and his son to do work. Schedule work time and family time - the whole family. Create a routine, with set times so that everybody gets their needs met. School/work time. Down time, family time, couple time. I think what bothers me is that I can't shake the notion that you simply don't want this kid around at all.
> 
> What I do know is how this story ends if you stay on the course you're currently on. My marriage didn't make it. Were my kids a factor? Without a doubt. Do blame them or hold them responsible? Never.
> 
> You have two adults in this equation. Start there before pulling kids into the resentment equation.


I agree. Thank God that my husband loves his step- child as his own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brhenson

Dear Jealousy & Resentment: 

Few people can offer genuine opinions or advice, except, if they've 'walked a mile in your shoes.' I have done just that. I am married to a man, who has 2 sons - making them my stepsons. The youngest was 13 when we met. My husband and his sons had a lifelong relationship long before I came into the picture. He is very close to both of his children. They live with their mother. The older son was 17, which I had no problem. However, the youngest son was constantly jockeying for his father's attention and I often felt that if the boys were to ever live with us for a prolonged period of time -- that my husband I would be getting a divorce. 

Namely, because I'm a very strong individual, who does not tolerate mind games and unnecessary drama. Most of which can usually come with blended families. Thankfully, the youngest boy began to develop friendships with other boys his age and by age 15 had developed an independence and an interest in girls, as well. He began to pull away from his father and develop his own life & interest. Thus, my husband was able to spend more quality time with me. I'm not needy and only required what I consider a normal amount of time together. I have my own interests and past times, as well while my husband likes to fish. 

Adversely, years ago, I dated a man, who had a teenage son who was VERY VERY needy, as you described your stepson to be. Mid-way into the relationship, I realized that this child would 'never' be independent of his father and that to be with the father meant to be saddled with the frustration of this type of relationship. The question you have to ask yourself is 'are you happy? -- do you want to live the rest of your life as you are doing? -- do you want to allow your husband's choices to define and determine your future?' It would not be fair to both your natural son, the stepson, your husband or yourself to stay in this situation if you are daily building hatred day in and day out towards your husband and towards the stepson. You can't make your husband be something he is not. You can't make him turn his back on his son, if that's how it views 'choosing between you & the stepson & the natural son. Don't live your life hinged on your husband's changing his ways. Most likely this will not happen and you will have spent years -- maybe wasted years, which REALLY makes you hate and resent & vengeful. Look in the mirror, my dear, and be truthful with your family and above all, truthful with yourself. It may be time to move on, depending on what you see....


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## LuckyMe67

I understand your situation. It sounds clearly to me that your stepson has ADHD. His struggles with inattention and oppositional behavior are typical of ADHD, and can be treated with medication. I strongly urge you to get this boy evaluated and to start meds. He has a treatable brain chemistry issue. Read up about ADHD online. There are books at your library that address it too. Meds made all the difference in the world with my child.

After starting meds, I suggest you do hire a tutor for the older son. The private school may be too challenging academically, but do they have smaller classes, which work better? You can talk about school options with a professional that works with ADHD kids.

Regarding your marriage, don't give up hope. Your husband clearly wants to save his older son - ok. But he says he loves you. Why not create a "date night" once a week. Find a sitter and make your couple time a priority - whining is never as attractive as a confident mate asking for something specific.

Choose your own happiness - don't let a man or a teenager do that for you! Be thankful as well. You are not financially in peril. You have your health. Your younger son is not a mess. Enjoy what *is* within your own control. The stepson will not be in your home forever. Be good to yourself, and appreciate your younger son. 

Good luck & God bless.


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## KathyBatesel

I think your husband's right in saying he needs your support on this. So in my mind, the question is how to support him in a way that makes him able to provide the love, attention, and support you and your son need.

Both biomom AND you have put your SS at arm's length. He does need the attention and care, so why is dad the only one providing it? This young man could benefit a lot from interacting with positive female role models, too.

This means you and your husband could take shifts to help him with his homework. This lets you build a one-on-one relationship with your "other" child, which is something you may not think is important but it is. It also frees your husband to spend some quality time with your son. 

You can also create a family time where all of you discuss some of the things the boys are studying in their classes. 

You could hire a tutor to help on weekends, or once a week during the week. 

But the one thing you cannot do if you want things to get better is be critical toward your husband or his son.


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## Holland

You are an adult OP, start acting like one. Your husband is doing the right thing by his son and all you are doing is causing problems.


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## Anewme

Amberwaves I am interested in knowing how things are going with you and your husband. I am going through the same thing..I would like to message privately with you.


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