# Feeling all the feels



## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Going on 4 months since separating from my STBXH. We've sold our home and I've moved into a new place with our son. I've also recently finished my maternity leave and have gone back to work. I feel like for the most part I am doing alright. It is quite liberating to be living on my own and doing things on my own terms, but of course it does get lonely and I have those moments of missing what was. Today was a little hard as I'm still in a group chat with my in laws and they sent a video of our son at their house playing. Just an innocent video, but my ex was in the video on his phone and I noticed that on his homescreen he had a picture with his new girlfriend. For the 15 years that we were together he barely had our picture as a display on his phone. So seeing this obviously stung. I wish I could just fast forward to the part where I'm indifferent about anything and everything related to him. I know it takes time and its healthy to go through the process and feel all the emotions but this SUCKS. 

Just needed somewhere to express how I'm feeling.


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## cdjy1234 (Jul 30, 2021)

Wow. So you separated 4 months ago, after 15 years, obviously with a new baby (maternity leave), and he has a new girlfriend that he is serious enough to make his homescreen? Honestly, I think it is totally natural for this to sting. I'm sorry for what you are going through. It will get better in time.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

cdjy1234 said:


> Wow. So you separated 4 months ago, after 15 years, obviously with a new baby (maternity leave), and he has a new girlfriend that he is serious enough to make his homescreen? Honestly, I think it is totally natural for this to sting. I'm sorry for what you are going through. It will get better in time.


Yes, it's only been four months. He turned out to be a serial cheater and started dating/ introducing this women as his girlfriend literally a few weeks into our separation. Such a mess! I know it will get better in time. Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward a bit.


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## cdjy1234 (Jul 30, 2021)

RNSoSo said:


> Yes, it's only been four months. He turned out to be a serial cheater and started dating/ introducing this women as his girlfriend literally a few weeks into our separation. Such a mess! I know it will get better in time. Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward a bit.


Yes, it is easier said than done but it sounds like you will be so much better off in the long run being out of this relationship. Good luck to you and stay strong.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Men move on so quickly. Sometimes repeatedly! But you don’t have to worry about his personal life anymore. Yes I can imagine that would sting so much, of course it would if he never took pictures of you like that 😔

My husband’s friend married 3 times, though he wasn’t a cheater, he found each new wife within weeks. And the 3rd wife was all over his social media (he didn’t post a single picture of the first wife and I think they were married 13 years)… and then he fights with wife 3 often and he takes her pictures down 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

The first wife took the end of the marriage very very hard (they had one daughter), but by the time he married the 3rd wife she had really come so far. Poor thing, she is doing great now and probably glad he did move on so fast. But it takes time and I can imagine how that screen shot must have hurt.

Be careful now if it doesn’t work out - he may come back. Our friend is currently separated from wife 3… and 8 years on he is telling us he regrets divorcing wife no 1. God I hope he gets a 4th wife and doesn’t go near the first one!

You’ll be ok xx


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Stung is the right word for this revelation, I can empathise as I felt it too, it will pass I promise, I'm glad you understand what's happening though


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Luckylucky said:


> Men move on so quickly. Sometimes repeatedly! But you don’t have to worry about his personal life anymore. Yes I can imagine that would sting so much, of course it would if he never took pictures of you like that 😔
> 
> My husband’s friend married 3 times, though he wasn’t a cheater, he found each new wife within weeks. And the 3rd wife was all over his social media (he didn’t post a single picture of the first wife and I think they were married 13 years)… and then he fights with wife 3 often and he takes her pictures down 😂🤦🏼‍♀️
> 
> ...


It always amazes me how quickly men jump so fast into new relationships/ marriages after divorce or bereavement. I know several who married the following year after they became widows. I suspect some already knew the new lady before her death.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It always amazes me how quickly men jump so fast into new relationships/ marriages after divorce or bereavement. I know several who married the following year after they became widows. I suspect some already knew the new lady before her death.


Diana, the sad truth is, a lot of us don't function well on our own. I think its primal, some of us, myself included, have some measure of our self worth bound up in our ability to attract a mate.

I personally wish it weren't so, but knowing the problem is the first step on the road to solving it if you want to.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Jamieboy said:


> Diana, the sad truth is, a lot of us don't function well on our own. I think its primal, some of us, myself included, have some measure of our self worth bound up in our ability to attract a mate.
> 
> I personally wish it weren't so, but knowing the problem is the first step on the road to solving it if you want to.


I guess that might be the case for my ex. I personally do not understand it, especially when we were together since we were 16 years old, so have never experienced being alone at all. For me I wanted to take some time to be alone and discover who I am not in relation to another person.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Generalizing that men move on quickly is a red herring. My personal experience has been that it were the women who moved on very quickly while I had to kill the residual love I carried in my heart with effort. I just posit that any person who can transfer love from one person to another at the drop of a hat, has no idea of what love is.

I don't pity the person hurt, I pity the person who transfers "love" from one person to another without effort, because that person will never have the depth of feeling that will translate into lasting happiness with a partner.

@RNSoSo , I am sorry for what you are going through and yes, the fact that your husband has moved on so quickly brings pain, but please realize that this does not reflect upon you, but on a character flaw in your husband which will bite him in the end. You have the capacity to really love. Although this brings pain when that love is given to an undeserving person, it will inversely translate into deep and meaningful joy when you love someone with the ability to reciprocate.

Now that you know that you have the ability to love deeply, please choose very carefully in future as to who is deserving of your heart since unwise choices brings about pain of the kind you are currently experiencing.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

RNSoSo said:


> Going on 4 months since separating from my STBXH. We've sold our home and I've moved into a new place with our son. I've also recently finished my maternity leave and have gone back to work. I feel like for the most part I am doing alright. It is quite liberating to be living on my own and doing things on my own terms, but of course it does get lonely and I have those moments of missing what was. Today was a little hard as I'm still in a group chat with my in laws and they sent a video of our son at their house playing. Just an innocent video, but my ex was in the video on his phone and I noticed that on his homescreen he had a picture with his new girlfriend. For the 15 years that we were together he barely had our picture as a display on his phone. So seeing this obviously stung. I wish I could just fast forward to the part where I'm indifferent about anything and everything related to him. I know it takes time and its healthy to go through the process and feel all the emotions but this SUCKS.
> 
> Just needed somewhere to express how I'm feeling.


Hang in there. Time will pass and the benefits of your new life will be in the forefront of your thoughts. Xh is no longer able to harm you.


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## Goshenite (Jul 28, 2021)

RNSoSo said:


> Yes, it's only been four months. He turned out to be a serial cheater and started dating/ introducing this women as his girlfriend literally a few weeks into our separation. Such a mess! I know it will get better in time. Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward a bit.


I know this feeling so well! My husband and I have been married for 25 years with grown children (in college and grad school) so my situation is quite different from yours, but I too wish I could just fast forward a few months to where we are finally apart and I have my own home (yes we are still living together - we need to sell the house before we can move). Wish I had a magic wand to wave and make this all be over...I know how you feel but trust me - the bad times pass just as the good ones do....nothing lasts forever and you will one day look back and marvel at how strong you were during this time.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Goshenite said:


> I know this feeling so well! My husband and I have been married for 25 years with grown children (in college and grad school) so my situation is quite different from yours, but I too wish I could just fast forward a few months to where we are finally apart and I have my own home (yes we are still living together - we need to sell the house before we can move). Wish I had a magic wand to wave and make this all be over...I know how you feel but trust me - the bad times pass just as the good ones do....nothing lasts forever and you will one day look back and marvel at how strong you were during this time.


I'm sorry you are going through a separation/divorce as well. It's so tough, but as you said nothing lasts forever and we will both get to the point where this chapter in our lives won't weigh so heavily on us. Till then stay strong and good luck to you!


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