# Women who have a husband that has had prostate surgery...



## worshipleader (Jul 23, 2012)

Hi, I am a new member and I was wondering if there are any women that would like to talk about how your husband has had prostate surgery and has ER and doesn't have a drive anymore. I am in dyer need of encouragement/and or of any resources that could help me....Help!!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I believe there was a thread on this sort of issue before. In any event, I think one of the issues in that case was a drop in testosterone due to the cancer and the treatment for both the cancer and the operation. In any event, it's a good idea to get testosterone levels checked, especially if he is an older man (which I will assume since most cases of prostate cnacer are in middle age and up men). 

Have him checked by his doctor of testosterone levels and go from there. There may be other medical reasons as well, which a doctor could best understand.

Considering what he went through, a drop in performance and desire likely isn't completely unexpected. How old is he, how long ago was his operation and how often was the sex prior to the procedure?


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## worshipleader (Jul 23, 2012)

He is 57..and his prostate removal was five years ago..He was very sexually active before..and yes, his testosterone is low..He has just given up and I don't know what to do..I am at my witts end..there is no affection either.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

If he has given up, the it really doesn't matter what the cause is. You have to get him to care about it first. Nothing positive will comes as long as he's not willing to try.


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## CondorTX19 (Jun 19, 2012)

Most of the men I know that had prostate surgery are impotent afterwards. Has this gone on since his surgery or is it something that has just started. May be that he could initially get erect after surgery and now he can’t and he is just too depressed to discuss it with you. Hopefully that is not the case. Some men get female hormone injections as part of their treatment for prostate cancer as well. This would also have a tremendous effect on his libido as well if he is getting this treatment.


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## worshipleader (Jul 23, 2012)

I have tried everything to get him to care. I have suggested counseling..he won't, he says they don't help..they just listen. I have told him that I am falling out of love with him. I have cried and bared my soul with him and he still does nothing.I have asked him to look at more options so he can have sex..and he won't. I am so unhappy in my marriage.. I don't want to end it, but I am backed up against a wall. I feel very undesirable and lonely.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

worshipleader said:


> I have tried everything to get him to care. I have suggested counseling..he won't, he says they don't help..they just listen. I have told him that I am falling out of love with him. I have cried and bared my soul with him and he still does nothing.I have asked him to look at more options so he can have sex..and he won't. I am so unhappy in my marriage.. I don't want to end it, but I am backed up against a wall. I feel very undesirable and lonely.


Your feelings are valid. Don't forget that.

I hope you can get him to communicate because it's basically impossible if you can't. The old adage, you can lead a horse to water...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm not saying you don't have a legitimate beef, because you do....and his reaction to all of this is definitely wrong. But I just have to say that this kind of change would be a huge blow to a man's ego / self esteem etc...

I'm sure you already know that though.


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## worshipleader (Jul 23, 2012)

Yes, I know it is very hard on him and I can understand why it would make a man just want to give up, but he does need to try other options with a urologist. He don't even want to try. I feel bad for him, really I do. I am a very compassionate person...and I do not believe on giving up on one's marriage. I was raised that marriage is very sacred and that divorce was only in a "have to" situation...like adultery..I just don't how to get through to him... I always encourage him and tell him he should not give up....He doesn't even try to satisfy me whatsoever. I think that is selfish on his part.


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## worshipleader (Jul 23, 2012)

It has gone on since his surgery...and gotten worse. He tried triverex and it helped more than anything a prescription could give him, but it was very expensive. He has borderline diabetes and is taking blood pressure medicine. He discusses it with me when I want to talk about it, even though he gets angry. He did take cialis....although for nothing cause he won't annitiate sex at all...he was buying it for nothing...


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