# Discuss when you are attracted to someone other than your spouse



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

My wife and I have a general agreement that we are married and totally committed to each other but we're certainly not dead yet. 

We each acknowledge to each other that we run across the opposite gender that we find attractive and find it a little exciting and fun in a self controlled manner. 

We dont have any major marriage issues in our opinion at least and dont point out these attractive people to each other but we believe we are being realistic, healthy and mature about it. 

We have boundaries that we each respect without difficulty and we honor each others requests without hesitation about opposite gender interactions if we sense they are disrespectful of our marriage, on the hunt, stupid, sneaky or too friendly. 

We are not controlling or naive and both embrace the idea one of our most important priorities is to make the other feel secure.


----------



## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

I always go to the most attractive cashier when I am shopping. My wife knows this from many years ago when me and my buddies were talking about it. She laughs.


----------



## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I think healthy boundaries are really important when it comes to this stuff. There are lots of attractive people in the world, but I have no drive or desire to think about anyone other than my husband. I'm wildly attracted to him and deeply in love with him. If someone is good-looking is irrelevant to me because I know that person could never give me what my husband gives me - true, deep love and acceptance. Yes, I notice attractive men and women, but it doesn't go beyond that.

Frankly, I think if you find someone attractive, you have two choices -cultivate that attraction or shut it down. 

I have a girlfriend and she once told me that she and her husband each had a "fantasy" husband and wife. Her husband had a person at work who was his "fantasy" wife - meaning he would want to date her if he wasn't married. My friend had a guy picked out that she would date if she wasn't married. I was shocked that they openly talked about their crushes without any jealousy. Come to find out, her husband cheated on her with two women several years later. 

It's a slippery slope to fantasize about people other than your spouse. I choose to make my husband the object of my desire and we have a great marriage and a hot sex life as a result.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I haven't experienced this while married.

I know myself and so I don't allow new friendships with men. I have my male friends and that's enough for me.

My past shows I am vulnerable to male attention. So I just don't go there.


----------



## arekayone (Aug 6, 2011)

I'll tell you why I think it is dangerous....

I never had a problem with my wife looking at other guys and she didn't have a problem with me looking at other women. Married but not dead. And she always knew that looking was as far as it would ever go.

But then, Facebook comes along and she rekindles a relationship with a high school BF from 30 years ago, almost destroys our marriage. In my constant questioning of her on what was going on, she told me "I was attracted to him".

Those words are burned in my brain for eternity. Every now and then I think about her saying that and it makes me want to cry. I wish she just would have lied and told me it was just a stupid passing fancy.

Marriage is okay now, I just think you have to be very, very careful with stuff like this.


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

On ocassion I've encountered someone who was physically and/or personably attractive to me. If I feel that attraction and I know I'm in a relationship, I immediately feel guilt. It's easy for me to refrain from engaging and indulging in thoughts of another person simply because my thoughts will always turn to my husband. And even if he isn't perfect, has been mean, cold, distant, etc., I don't allow myself to cultivate anything for anyone but him.

With him, I'm sure it's different. He seems to think nothing of fantasizing or crushing on someone else. We have to agree to disagree here. I feel that would be taking energy out of our relationship and placing it where it does the least good.

If we are out and he spots an attractive woman, it's not like he looks and thinks, "Oh, hey, a beautiful woman is over there" then looks at me and thinks the same. He will do what he thinks are 'discreet' glances, which are not so discreet because of his poor eyesight. (Quite obvious to the rest of us)! LOL 

No matter how many times I call him out on it, (hey, sometimes I look too!) he can never really fully admit it to me. It drives me INSANE.

I don't expect him not to look at all, but once is enough... He doesn't need to be saving for the Spank Bank later. If he can't control his eyes in my presence, I'd really be left to worry what he could or could not control in my absence...


----------



## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I don't expect him not to look at all, but once is enough. He doesn't need to be saving for the Spank Bank later.


:lol: :rofl:


----------

