# Trouble on the home front



## june_29_2008 (Apr 25, 2011)

Where to begin?
My husband and I have been together for 5 years. Early into our marriage we discovered we were pregnant. Now we have two beautiful children (ages 3 and 1). I love my family more than anything in the world and my life centers around them. I want nothing more than to be an amazing wife and an amazing mother. But for some reason, my husband doesn't have that in common. He doesn't want to be a "family-man". If he's home he's doing something he enjoys and ignoring us. Most times I feel like a single mom. I'm lonely and hurt. Not only are we at the bottom of his priority list but he also is struggling with alcohol abuse. Most weekends he has been out drinking, drives home drunk, and comes home in a foul mood. I have learned by now to try to be as calm as possible when he comes home as to not get him too angry. For the first time last weekend I was forced to call my parents to come help me leave him for the night. I didn't want to leave him permanently but I could not let my kids see him the way he was behaving. They were already screaming and crying by the time my parents got there and I can only imagine how traumatizing that was for them. The last time something similar like this happened (where he was THAT angry) my daughter wouldn't come near him for a week. He has not been physically abusive but he's very aggresive, angry, and verbally abusive. 
I love him SO much. I'm also a Christian woman and so I'm struggling with how to handle this in a Christian way and pleasing to the LORD. 
How do I get my husband to be the family man we deserve? How to do I get him to make his family a priority over drinking with the guys?
How do I get him to love me as much as I love him??!
I have read several Christian books about being a good wife and praying for my husband. I pray lots and I have worked a lot on my attitude. I have evaluated anything that I could be doing wrong. I confessed to him anything I thought I was doing wrong and asked him what I could do better. He wanted me to have his breakfast ready before he walked out the door and wanted dinner ready at 5 (before he even gets home). For two weeks now I have woken up really early to make him his breakfast. I normally make home-cooked meals every night but I used to wait for him to get home because he rarely gets off on time but now it's ready when he is home. I keep the house clean. I do everything for the kids. He has NO chores and NO responsibilities at home or with the kids. I cant even remember the last time he changed a diaper, fed them, or bathed them. 
I dont know what else to do. 
I'm starting to feel so hopeless.......


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Stop being a door mat.

Set very clear boundaries. Mean them.

Tell him he needs to take responsibility for his actions and take the steps needed to change and stick with it.

If he thinks you will stay no matter what he will keep doing this to you.

Your daughters are learning that this is how men treat women. they are learning how to disrespect you too. They are learning that they are not valuable and loved by him.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Pray about it, let the lord do his will...

But as the lord does his part, you have to do a part on your own. There isn't a married man here who won't say that what you are doing is over the top in comparison to your husband's contribution. To me it seems you are rewarding bad behavior. He doesn't seem to me like he's done ANYTHING to deserve all the benefit's of marriage. You are doing all the physical work, you are doing all the emotional work, he is just on the sidelines, jumping in just to eat and sleep. A man will only do as much as a woman ALLOWS him to get away with...

I am glad you stepped away this weekend, it shows you are willing to take action, some women never get this far. I'm assuming you are back now, get it through his head, that next time you leave... it won't be for the weekend. If this won't shock him into getting on board then there isn't anything in him worthy enough to share a life with. Why bother when you are the only person who cares???


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