# what to do when you're unsure



## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. It feels like a marriage because of the length of time. I've left him several times over the years and it's been heart wrenching for us both. I never had the strength to stay gone, so I always returned. 

For some reason, I have this horrible anxiety in the middle of the night. I wake up for hours crying and panicked. I just feel like I've wasted my youth with someone I wasnt ready for. I was almost 27 when I met him, he was 30. He pursued me heavily and I had this gut intstinct that I needed to get away because it would eventually come to end, but only after I've grown old. I will now be 35 this year, him 38. I cant shake these feelings at night where I feel unhappy and panicked that I never took the time to actually date mulitple people to see who the best person is for me. I just fell into a relationship with the first person who wined and dined me. 

Now, I feel that if I left this relationship now, I've missed my prime years in finding the right mate and procreating. Who knows how long it would take me to find someone new, and I live in a small town. The thought of leaving again is awful, but so it the thought of staying and dealing with this anxiety and depression. 

The reason I've wanted to leave is because he is an angry person, uptight, and negative. I would prefer someone relaxed and easy going, And not allergic to my 2 cats, who are forced outside because of this. 

I don't know what path to take with this. It's so painful, I cry for days at a time. I feel I've wasted my youth and my chance at happiness. I cant seem to get past all the hurt of this, the limbo, the break up, the aging, the grim future either way. If I left, I'd have to rent a room at my age and that is an uncomfortable situation for me. 

What should I do? What is best?


----------



## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I should add that I do love him. I just wish I loved him more.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Firstly, take a breath.

Gosh I'm turning 35 soon, don't freak me out with talk of "wasting your youth!" haha, 35 is still young. You're all good. BREATHE.

Okay, now that I've said that - do not stay in this relationship. You do not want to be in it. You returned because you didn't have the 'strength' to stay gone? Waking in the middle of the night having these thoughts, says to me that you do not want to be here. If you want to be footloose and fancy free for a while, then do that. It's not fair to him or to yourself to stay because you're worried you won't find someone else and/or because you'd have to rent a room. 

The good thing about being 35, is being old enough to realize you can take control of your life. So do it. Either leave and get on with your life. Or stay and really put yourself into the relationship. It's up to you whether you're going to be happy or miserable. So if you listen to that inner voice, what is it really telling you? 

35 is grown-folk time. Good luck!


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If you've been unsure about this relationship for 8 years, what more do you need?
Ask yourself this, "Do I want to spend the rest of my life as uncomfortable as I have been for the past 8 years?"


----------

