# So Close to Despair



## AlaCarte11 (Oct 1, 2011)

I have been with my guy for a little over two years, and engaged for 10 months. We had tentatively decided to get married next month. But lately I have been experiencing cold feet. After all, I don't want to commit to someone who is not fulfilling all my needs. It took the deadline looming ever closer for me to realize that i don't want to marry him. Why? Because while he is simply splendid in many areas of our relationship, when it comes to emotional support, he can't deal. If I try to initiate a talk about some concern of mine, or simply try to take the temperature of our situation, he gets either threatened, defensive, angry or all three. His response to any topic that is serious is to declare that he feels blamed, even if I use "I" statements, reflective listening, etc. his response always stonewalls communication. I am finally realizing that this is very selfish. I am realizing that this is a set pattern learned long ago that he is holding on to for dear life. By making any conflict be about me, he gets to avoid the real issue and the added bonus is that he can now avoid taking responsibility for said conflict, because one of us is crying and the other is leaving the room in a huff. I am so very tired of trying to make this work. I can't do it anymore!


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

Either get to counseling and see if you can work through it, or end it. it wouldn't be fair to put either of you through the emotional trauma of actually getting married, and then you deciding years from not that these feelings are too much to deal with.


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## AlaCarte11 (Oct 1, 2011)

I have some counseling lined up. I just needed to vent. I wasn't necessarily looking for advice. I wanted some validation, actually.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

This is my H to a tee. If you are having second thoughts, don't marry him.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Don't marry until you've dealt with this

Sorry to ask but could it also be that you're someone who constantly requires validation?


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## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

Run for the hills. Seriously, if you're not sure now, how are you going to feel in a year's time?


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