# Letter to my husband



## miserablejanedoe (Feb 2, 2013)

Thanks for the replies. I knew what I wrote was harsh, but reading the replies made me realise how cruel I've become. I've deleted the post because I feel sick reading it now. I'm going to book in to see a counsellor on my own before we go any further.


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## curious2 (Jan 13, 2013)

Please dont give him this letter. Its just plain cruel, particularly the first part. If your goal is to completely crush him and make him feel like dirt this letter will do it.

You do love him...right?
Even if you dont, he is a human being.

You can say these things without being vicious.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. How mean. There's honesty with tact and then there's honesty with jabs. This is the jabs.

He knows ALLLL of this already. Believe me, he knows. Do you love him? Have some compassion and talk with him...don't spit on him. Dang.

If my husband gave me this, no matter HOW TRUE, I'd be gone.


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## miserablejanedoe (Feb 2, 2013)

Trust me, I have NO intention of ever giving my husband this letter, or one like it. The things I've put in it are petty and mean, I know, but they are impacting us in a big way and I can't seem to find a way to move past them. We talk about it, but nothing ever changes. We've been to counsellors. Friends think we have the perfect relationship. I'm sick of crying. I hate that we don't connect anymore, ever. I'm so tired of trying and trying and not getting anywhere. I hate how things are. Hopefully, by getting it out of my head (and onto the www for some brutal feedback) will help me to clear my head and find a new perspective.


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## curious2 (Jan 13, 2013)

I wish I had some advice for you...I'm sure others will.


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## hekati (Jan 24, 2013)

Divorce. I think even if he would lose few pounds you still will not like him. Chemistry gone and you need divorce or maybe open marriage. Maybe I am wrong.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I think a letter could help, but it would need to be cleaned up and the blame removed. He may have heard your complaints... one here, one there, but not be able to see the big picture about his hygiene. If you rewrote this letter from a viewpoint of a concerned wife who feels helpless about what's happening to him, but without the "I flirt with other guys" and "I'm completely turned off" aspects, it could light a fire to wake him up. 

Has his hygiene always been this way? It sounds like he has some possible depression things going on. Do you think this may be true?


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Divorce him and be on your way. You sound like my wife...selfish and immature. Go be single like you want. Just remember that the grass isnt always greener.

By the way, your letter disgusts me.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Is there anything you still like about him?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

The "picking" is a mental health disorder. Is he in treatment for that?

I think your husband is a very sick man. I agree with Kathy that he may be depressed. Not caring about hygiene is a symptom. Being introverted could be a symptom. Only a doctor can dx.

No letter from you will cure him. 

I think you need to treat him as a sick person from a place of compassion, caring & helping him to get well.

The same way you would help your children if they had a serious medical issue.

Before you can even begin to help your husband, you need to help yourself. You need to sleep even if that means alone for now. You may need counseling for coping skills with him.

He may refuse all of your help & suggestions to get healthy.

If so, then you can decide if you want to continue in this marriage.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Maybe I'm wrong but this sure sounds like you building a case to justify something here. If so build it for divorce so you both can move on. For gods sake don't use it to attach yourself to another!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel letters are good..But not this letter.. Oh my NO! 

TO word this in a way to show compassion...express how deeply you loved him, include some of the treasured "remember when" memories... so he feels you loved him at least and don't want to let this go...focus on how you want to get this back..

I didn't read the whole letter, because it was so dehumanizing I just stopped. I think someone really sensitive might bury themselves in a hole & never come out after that, those words will take mountains of praise to even scratch the surface of overcoming....from his psyche... but you know this.. you are just venting here. 

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have a spouse whose given a deaf ear to your desires & needs in the marriage ...refusing to get help, loose weight to bring back attraction, brushing his teeth.. very frustrating this would be...

But still... letter writing to appeal to him....with an attitude of helping him is the way to go.. .and if he refuses to hear you..pushing you away yet again....there will be some consequences because you can not live like this anymore....(if this is how you feel?).. 

Express you need more from your husband.... it's just that simple... the ball now is in his court... With his cooperation....you are there to help him every step of the way - to rebuild your marriage & intimacy again. 

Get the







into the letter, expressing what you miss, want to be re-visited. If it was me, I would read it to him...outloud face to face...







to







....

Just my thoughts.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Whether you intend sending this or not, you talk about him with a contempt that concerns me. I've been divorced for five months and I've said an awful lot about my ex but I don't think I've ever had such cruel thoughts

Your talk of flirting with other men and saying 'you still have it' sounds to me like you're starting to tell yourself you're too good for him

You say you've told him all of this calmly and in heated fights...have you expressed it like you did here? Because if the person who said they loved me said those sorts of things I'd want to curl up and die


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Wow, gut wrenching to read. You have told him how you feel, and you are on the verge of cheating. This is not what you want your sons to learn about relationships. 

Please divorce him before you cheat on him. Hopefully then he will see a doctor for the depression, exercise for the frustration, lose the weight as a result and go on to find someone that truly loves him.


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

Instead, give him this book...

The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay.


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

Instead, give him this book...

The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay.


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