# Men... do you ever pleasure your wife as a standalone act?



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Men...

Do you ever do oral or any other kind of pleasuring on your wife as a standalone act? (Couldn't think of another way to phrase that!)

The male equivalent would be the way HJs or BJs are suggested as an altrrnative to sex for a man when he is in the mood and she is not.

Do any men do it for, say, a HD wife? Is it a usual part of your repertoire? Do you do it now and again? Or is your wife not interested?

I am really interested to see the responses...

ETA: Women, you can answer on behalf of your husband.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

I tried with the ex but she just wasn't into anything to do with sex unless she wanted to get pregnant then it was all systems go as long as it lead to trying to conceive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I do it, but what I do doesn't really fit in the context of this question. We are both High Desire for eachother and have sex at least once a day to beging with, so it's not really a case of if she's in the mood and I'm not. For instance, she'll get out of the shower, and I'll just do it...


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> I do it, but what I do doesn't really fit in the context of this question. We are both High Desire for eachother and have sex at least once a day to beging with, so it's not really a case of if she's in the mood and I'm not. For instance, she'll get out of the shower, and I'll just do it...


So I'll put you down as a "yes, other" 

I am slightly more HD than my H, and from talking to him a while ago, it is not something he would think of doing. You know that scenario of a wife giving her H a BJ for no other reason except she can? That is what I mean. 

Your GF is very lucky!


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## Wife5362 (Oct 30, 2013)

You left off the choice "No, She's higher drive, but I don't really care or think that much about my wife's needs." I notice you have all the reverse choices (with wife being the LD one but not the opposite).


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

I voted, "Yes, Other" because I view our intimacy as a continuity, not as transactional. By that, I mean I look for long-term sexual satisfaction, not day-by-day or act-by-act.

There are times when she's come onto me at the end of the day when I am flat out exhausted and I know I am not up to it. On those days I am happy to go down, or use a toy, or just caress and kiss her while she uses a toy. I do it for her, out of love. I enjoy all that and there is emotional satisfaction for me, if not immediate sexual gratification. (Though it could be argued that participating like that keeps my mind on sex and general libido higher, so that is a net benefit.) W does the same for me; I know she has had sex or given me a BJ when she is not really in the mood but she does it because she loves me and participates 'cause she wants me to be happy. Over the long haul, we're both getting what we want - and trust me, we're both vocal when the other starts slacking.

We have plenty of mutual satisfying encounters, but it's not realistic every day. Fatigue, aging, hormones, health issues, stress, and all that, find ways to intrude. We just do the best we can.

So short answer: yes, happy to do it as a stand-alone. She reciprocates sometimes and that works for us.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Yes, regularly.

I know what it feels like to lay back and be pleasured and want her to experience that too!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would (and have, on very rare occasions), but she typically would rather both of us have an orgasm. We both really really enjoy our partner's pleasure.

C


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My husband just started doing this this past year. It never occurred to him that I might like it, even after years of both asking and getting and just plain getting from me.

No sex isn't and shouldn't be transactional. But after years of giving and not even getting asked...I spoke up.

Now...he LOVES to give me a quick one and since I tend to be rather easy to "arrive" wearing sweat pants while making dinner has taken on a whole new meaning!


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Wife5362 said:


> You left off the choice "No, She's higher drive, but I don't really care or think that much about my wife's needs." I notice you have all the reverse choices (with wife being the LD one but not the opposite).


That would be my answer! I accounted for it in the "yes" section but I did not think of putting that. Hmm. May be I thought my H was one of a kind... clearly not! Sorry to hear that.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Convection said:


> I voted, "Yes, Other" because I view our intimacy as a continuity, not as transactional. By that, I mean I look for long-term sexual satisfaction, not day-by-day or act-by-act.
> 
> There are times when she's come onto me at the end of the day when I am flat out exhausted and I know I am not up to it. On those days I am happy to go down, or use a toy, or just caress and kiss her while she uses a toy. I do it for her, out of love. I enjoy all that and there is emotional satisfaction for me, if not immediate sexual gratification. (Though it could be argued that participating like that keeps my mind on sex and general libido higher, so that is a net benefit.) W does the same for me; I know she has had sex or given me a BJ when she is not really in the mood but she does it because she loves me and participates 'cause she wants me to be happy. Over the long haul, we're both getting what we want - and trust me, we're both vocal when the other starts slacking.
> 
> ...


This is lovely! You two sound very balanced. Good communication too.

I will confess I used to do a lot to keep my H happy. On the very rare occasions he caught me when I was on the brink of sleep, I would still help him out. We also used to have a "no turning down" policy. Unfortunately H became selfish and when his drive decreased some, he just was not interested in meeting my needs. To him it was/is as simple as HE is horny or he is not horny (aka "not interested if I still am.)


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> My husband just started doing this this past year. It never occurred to him that I might like it, even after years of both asking and getting and just plain getting from me.
> 
> No sex isn't and shouldn't be transactional. But after years of giving and not even getting asked...I spoke up.
> 
> Now...he LOVES to give me a quick one and since I tend to be rather easy to "arrive" wearing sweat pants while making dinner has taken on a whole new meaning!


Sounds like my H. Is yours stepping up now Anon?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Oh yeasir! The man is in the zone.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

walkingwounded said:


> This is lovely! You two sound very balanced. Good communication too.
> 
> I will confess I used to do a lot to keep my H happy. On the very rare occasions he caught me when I was on the brink of sleep, I would still help him out. We also used to have a "no turning down" policy. Unfortunately H became selfish and when his drive decreased some, he just was not interested in meeting my needs. To him it was/is as simple as HE is horny or he is not horny (aka "not interested if I still am.)


We didn't get there overnight. There were a lot of stubborn confrontations in the past, which if I am honest with myself, the majority of which were my fault. It's still not perfect and there are still flare ups over sex, money, and everything else. Over time, we have gotten a lot better. Clear communication and both of us listening to the other person, versus just hearing them, has been massive.

Maybe we're both simply too dumb to quit.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

As intercourse is the only allowed sexual act in the house involving the wife, I'm in the position of having to say no, it simply isn't possible.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

The question reminds me of this scene from the show "Louis": 
LOUIE Thursday 10:30pm on FX episode 302 Melissa Leo - YouTube


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Woops..."Louie."


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I always offer but get the no answer. She takes care of me when she's not in the mood so I feel it's only right to reciprocate - although I'm never NOT in the mood. Just doing what would seem fair. 

On one occasion she did and it actually turned me on because she was playfully saying thanks and rolled over to go to sleep with a laugh. I found it kind if sexy and loved it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sending a woman to estasy is one of the greatest joys in life


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Never standalone. Always a precursor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I answered "Yes, she asks for it"

My husband needs Viagra so PIV sex is not an option unless we have planned. I tend to get quite excitable after a few drinks just before we go to bed (always have done) and he used to reject my advances under such circumstances since he was not capable if he had one too many.

Now he is quite happy to oblige me with a little play even if he does not want full sex. I would happily reciprocate but he's fairly LD and not all that interested.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

At my age, definitely yes. Sometimes she wants to go again at some ungodly hour when I just can't....


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

nope. I tried once, and she got pissed. if she's in the mood, she wants the full meal deal.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

My husband does this for me quite frequently, especially during my "crazy week" each month when I want it three times a day. He seems to really love just getting me off, whether or not he gets off, too. 

Oddly, I have trouble getting him off then not wanting an orgasm for myself. I frequently give him BJ's on HJ's, thinking it's just for him, I'm not in the mood . . . but then I get so turned on by getting him off that I want one, too!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, does it count if we have sex and are cuddling after, and she decides she'd like another orgasm? 

C


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

My partner doesn't, no. I would love it, tbh, but once his penis 'wakes up', that's it for me. 

It's one of the reasons I don't like receiving oral... it's never just about me, and sex after oral is unpleasant for me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> My partner doesn't, no. I would love it, tbh, but once his penis 'wakes up', that's it for me.
> 
> It's one of the reasons I don't like receiving oral... it's never just about me, and sex after oral is unpleasant for me.


Why is it unpleasant?

C


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

My W always prefers to get to intercourse, but sometimes...oops! I took the foreplay too far! heh heh.  I find the "standalone" act a great turn-on.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

She's too LD to want anything other than PIV intercourse once or twice every 6 months.

Yes I'm about to bust.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

She actually won't let me do it, she always winds up wanting sex.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Where were all of these men before? I have yet to encounter a man that will do it as a stand alone act without wanting anything in return. But of course I'm expected to give a weeks worth of bjs every single month with nada in return. Hmm. I feel short changed lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> My husband does this for me quite frequently, especially during my "crazy week" each month when I want it three times a day. He seems to really love just getting me off, whether or not he gets off, too.
> 
> Oddly, I have trouble getting him off then not wanting an orgasm for myself. I frequently give him BJ's on HJ's, thinking it's just for him, I'm not in the mood . . . but then I get so turned on by getting him off that I want one, too!


This is something that I find hard to understand. When one spouse is taking care of the other when they are not in the mood, how do they complete said act and not get turned on? 

You obviously see things my way and that is refreshing.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband does it for me. Sometimes he is tired so he doesn't want to come, but he will give me oral sex to make me come. My orgasms from oral is very powerful and I really enjoy it. We understand each other's mind and needs. We don't always have to come when we have sex. Sometimes we have sex when he wants to come, sometimes we have sex when I want to come. I was joking the other day that we can take turns, one day for me and one day for him, then we are having sex every day.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

If my wife asked for a female equivalent of a HJ/BJ I would happily do it. Unfortunately for me she has the sex drive of a corpse.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

We got into the habit of when one gets oral, the other person usually gets oral. It's not always a I do him, or he does me then sleep. 

If I say what I want then he will, but I always feel guilty that I had a nice O, and he had none, so I return the favor.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Hubs will frequently pleasure me in between our times together. I am HD and he has ED, so I get a little frustrated at times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

staarz21 said:


> Where were all of these men before? I have yet to encounter a man that will do it as a stand alone act without wanting anything in return. But of course I'm expected to give a weeks worth of bjs every single month with nada in return. Hmm. I feel short changed lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As you should be. 

I can't imagine a BJ as a stand alone act. Women have talked about men who will do that. Not me, I love going down on her too much to not want to return the favor right away.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

My husband could never do this. He is HD and he would get aroused while giving me an orgasm. I don't like to let a good erection go to waste. 

We usually have mutual oral sessions. He is like Larry, he does not like me to give to him without taking care of me. I had to convince him that I am not bothered by giving him a bj as a standalone. 

It's good for him to just relax and enjoy without worrying about my orgasm. It all evens out over time. Not orgasm for orgasm but in a general relationship way. I'm too selfish, if it didn't even out, I don't think I would be an enthusiastic giver.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I answered, "yes, other." First of all, I would love to do this for her more than I do. I am the HD in our relationship. I would give her oral every day multiple times is she wanted it. When give her oral most of the of the time it is part of a long session of love play. I will give her a couple of orgasms before we have one together. The only time I get to do this as a stand alone act is when I give her oral in the morning without getting any myself and we will have sex later that evening. I love doing that because my sexual tension builds all day.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes he does as I do with him.


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## KeepingUpAppearances (Jul 14, 2013)

My husband would do it if it were something I really, really wanted. It would be hard because we would both end up wanting PIV. I have never o'd with my husband so standalone won't do much for me. He would at least try though.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Yes, when she wears her special black, swirl panties...see my first post for the story.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I said no other. If that happens, then she expects PIV to happen as well. Can't miss an opportunity to try and make a baby.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I wish she'd let me, but she gets the guilty feeling, so it's a no go if she has already decided she has no interest in reciprocating. I've told her flat-out that I don't need to orgasm myself to get any pleasure out of it, but still no dice. Some sort of mental block there, where she wouldn't be able to fully enjoy it thinking that I'm getting short-changed. I've told her so many times that I am MORE than willing to do that for her (and enjoy it), including the fact that I can take care of myself during it, but nope!

I am pretty certain it revolves around the fact that she feels like she would have to return the favour to me on an equal basis, and therefore she doesn't want to get sucked into the tit-for-tat circle. Even though I have made it clear it doesn't have to be that way.

HOWEVER... I have mentioned (as most men probably have... lol) that the occasional BJ would be graciously accepted, so I've probably shot myself in the foot with that!

I've told her that I could do it to her 100 times and not expect a return on my investment - that's not why I'd be doing it. But occasional reciprocation at a later date, sure.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

alexm said:


> I wish she'd let me, but she gets the guilty feeling, so it's a no go if she has already decided she has no interest in reciprocating. I've told her flat-out that I don't need to orgasm myself to get any pleasure out of it, but still no dice. Some sort of mental block there, where she wouldn't be able to fully enjoy it thinking that I'm getting short-changed. I've told her so many times that I am MORE than willing to do that for her (and enjoy it), including the fact that I can take care of myself during it, but nope!
> 
> I am pretty certain it revolves around the fact that she feels like she would have to return the favour to me on an equal basis, and therefore she doesn't want to get sucked into the tit-for-tat circle. Even though I have made it clear it doesn't have to be that way.
> 
> ...


When I see a post like yours, I always wonder why can't the couple have just oral sex with each other. Why do you have to give her oral sex and then have PIV. Why not follow that up with oral for you? 

I'm not singling you out. I've seen it many times and I am trying to understand why the practice of mutual oral sex is not tried. The practice of the women giving oral sex with nothing in return is universally accepted as the norm. 

Maybe that is why women stop giving, it's too frustrating to get worked up and then have your partner deflate and go to sleep or just walk away.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

My new love had never had it done before and she was pleasantly surprised how amazing it felt. 
I didn't ask her before doing it...I just started kissing all over her body and arrived there where she vocally exploded with pleasure.
She said oral was never explored in her past relationships, but since I provided that to her, she wanted to learn the act of reciprocation.
I told her that by me providing it was in no way as a demand for it to be returned, as it is something I just simply love to do. I told her to just to do what she is comfortable with.
She reiterated that she definitely wants to provide the same level of pleasure back.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Wow...what timing. I just gave my wife oral pleasure this morning before she had to get ready for an appointment. It was totally about me giving her pleasure....and it was a very powerful orgasm. I loved every minute of seeing her in so much pleasure. She called me on the phone later thanking me for "making her day with my talented tongue".


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Cletus said:


> As intercourse is the only allowed sexual act in the house involving the wife, I'm in the position of having to say no, it simply isn't possible.


Are you saying that other sexual acts are okay in your house if they're not with your wife?


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> When I see a post like yours, I always wonder why can't the couple have just oral sex with each other. Why do you have to give her oral sex and then have PIV. Why not follow that up with oral for you?


My wife's like this. I really enjoy giving her oral or, um... "digital" I guess. But regardless of the situation, whenever I start oral, she'll hang on for as long as she can before she orgasms, but she has to be in control of her own orgasm, so she'll... let's just say that the rest of my evening is a lot of fun.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Yep, I would gladly do it but if it goes that far then she won't let me stop there ... she's gotta have the D


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Like I said in my response to Catherine, I love giving my wife oral, although it never stops there. But for the past year my drive has literally been in negative numbers, so I haven't initiated in a long time. But now, with this thread reminding me how much I enjoy it, I think I'll surprise Mrs. Rockstar with a little surprise after supper!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I've put the offer out there before on several occasions.

No response. Just looked at me like "whaaa?"


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Always willing, but she was not receptive. Hope to change that with a replacement one of these days...


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## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

I answered "No, she's not bothered" 
BUT all I'm saying is that she simply won't allow me not to orgasm during a session. It's simply not an option in her mind.Personally, I'd love to do it and have expressed as much but to no avail...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Yep, I would gladly do it but if it goes that far then she won't let me stop there ... she's gotta have the D


I will note though that she has rarely given me oral sex and never on it's own and has never given me a HJ. BJ and Steak night is unknown in my household. Not in the now 24 years we've been together and 21 married.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Are you saying that other sexual acts are okay in your house if they're not with your wife?


Some of us live in the country for a good reason...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I Notice The Details said:


> Wow...what timing. I just gave my wife oral pleasure this morning before she had to get ready for an appointment. It was totally about me giving her pleasure....and it was a very powerful orgasm. I loved every minute of seeing her in so much pleasure. She called me on the phone later thanking me for "making her day with my talented tongue".


Don't you feel frustrated though? Why can't she give you oral? There is time if she lets herself orgasm faster and jumped on you. 

I'm trying to understand.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Cletus said:


> Some of us live in the country for a good reason...


:lol::rofl::scratchhead:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> My husband does it for me. Sometimes he is tired so he doesn't want to come, but he will give me oral sex to make me come. My orgasms from oral is very powerful and I really enjoy it. We understand each other's mind and needs. We don't always have to come when we have sex. Sometimes we have sex when he wants to come, sometimes we have sex when I want to come. I was joking the other day that we can take turns, one day for me and one day for him, then we are having sex every day.


Hi GP where have you been? Nice to see your post. Hope you come back more often.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Don't you feel frustrated though? Why can't she give you oral? There is time if she lets herself orgasm faster and jumped on you.
> 
> I'm trying to understand.


This was all about her....I was hard as a rock thru all of it...but I will come later when she has more time. 

There are also times when it is all about my pleasure...


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

Sometimes I just want to pleasure her, she always ends up asking for more, and who am I to refuse?


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## thebetrayer (Nov 7, 2013)

This is an interesting question. My wife doesn't allow me to pleasure her orally much anymore since she has gained some weight due to the birth of our child. I think she is self concious. I would say that she just prefers straight on sex rather than anything oral, but she's more than willing to give me a blowjob if I ask for it. On rare occassions when she is very in the moment or she's been drinking lightly she'll want me to pleasure her in that way, but it's far and few between.

I would put our oral frequency for maybe in the once every 3-4 months range.

Anyone else have a spouse that is insecure about that area?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

thebetrayer said:


> Anyone else have a spouse that is insecure about that area?


That would be an understatement. Mine has never once in our 27 years let me even try it. 

It looks from this thread like it's not all that uncommon for women to either not desire or not be comfortable with having their husband satisfy them unless it's a mutual act.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Of course I do, and she does the same for me on different occasions....


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## kjm (Jan 8, 2011)

It sounds arrogant and conceited, but I get a kick out of getting her off when I want to. Even with no recip, there is no need. On long drives if both the kids are asleep, I will reach over (it sucks when you drive a standard and need to shift). That is typically when that happens. Been married for nearly two decades and I like her to know that I'm the best there is (at least with her). She rarely does that for me but has twice. Once when I was grumpy and her mom was coming for a visit, and another time when I bought her a car she has wanted for longer than we've been married, she took care of me on the drive home. Our sex life sucked for about 10 years. Then it went close to divorce from total neglect, and then somehow, it picked up to be pretty nice. I highly recommend the ladies do this for their men and the men do this for their ladies if you can. It's better than a back rub. At least with her, it is over quicker with less hand soreness.


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