# Getting Fed Up with Addict Husband



## SirenSong

HEy everyone, new here but I have looked up this forum before for advice and now have a problem that I could use some second opinions on. It has to do with my husband and his addictions/addictive personality.

I'll try to keep this short, it is a pretty long story. My husband and me have been married a little over 3 years and it has been uphill battle every step of the way, and we were separated for one of those years. He has had problems with drugs since he was a teenager and he fell off the wagon not long after we got married. It got so bad that I had to kick him out and put a restraining order on him because he was been chaotic and threatening towards himself, me and our baby. During that time he became homeless, got into rehab, got diagnosed with several mental problems, and got clean.

We started talking again a year after our separation and decided we still cared about each other and wanted to try to be a family with our child. He agreed to move from his home state where he had been living with his mom and join us where we were living. That was about a year ago, and he assured me he meant to be sober.

Fast forward to now. We have already been through 2 breakdowns of his because he was drinking more and more heavily. It got bad enough that I had to call the police to calm him down. The marriage counselor we were seeing even stopped our sessions and wanted to focus solely on him b/c of it. He is now not drinking, but yet another issue came up.

It turns out I found out today he was taking someone else's prescription pain meds because he liked the 'high' he got. Like when he started drinking and doing drugs in the past, he lied to me again. He then goes on to say he hates it where we are living, is depressed and wants to run back home as soon as possible because he thinks he will do better there, and I am free come with now or follow in a year when I am done with school. 

I can't say I am surprised by all of this, because it has been one step forward and 2 steps back for us these last few months, but I really don't know what to do. I love and care about him, but he seems to always damage my trust. He refuses to go to more individual therapy or seek additional help for his addictions. So I guess it comes down to, should I go with him or should I stay behind permanently? Where we are now I have support but I don't know anyone where he is from, they are all his friends/family whom,with exception of his mom, I have never met. And even though I get along okay with his mom, he is a mama's boy who can do little wrong with her so I won't get much help there. I'm worried what staying with him will do to our child in the long run as well (husband grew up in an alcoholic/co-dependent family and it shows so I don't want that for our child). 

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.


----------



## oddball

Sorry, but he is not serious about being clean and sober. He is still seeking highs when he knows what the end result will be. His refusal to seek further assistance is also a good indication that he is not serious. As a recovering/ed addict, my advice to you is watch his actions. His words are meaningless if he still seeks highs.

Sorry, but you should get out!


----------



## SirenSong

Thanks for the honesty, oddball, I appreciate it. You are right, with this last incident with him 'borrowing' (ie stealing) pain meds I have little to no trust in his words. On the one hand he will shower me with praise and love, but as soon as there is a disagreement the first thing is he wants to throw me out or get a divorce. So I've learned his words have little meaning.

I am leaning towards letting him go, since I get the feeling that's what he wants anyway, to be free to do what he wants.


----------



## oddball

Borrowing pain pills is very worrying. I dont know what his drug of choice is, but once on the opiate trail.....its a pretty steady downhill. 

Yes, let him go, step out of his way, dont obstruct his path. He might hit rockbottom much quicker that way. Then he can choose real recovery.

That's what happened to me. My wife kicked me out. Once I realised how far I had sunk into my addicition, recovery became an option. And then I chose it, and worked it.


----------



## U.E. McGill

SirenSong,

You also have to understand that complacency on your part is tacit approval. It's either no drugs at all or not living with an addict. There's no such thing as being a part time addict. 

He's got demons to deal with. You can only help him of he's 100% committed. Anything else is enabling. 

Most of all is that a lesson you want for your child?

It's time to let go. Let him move back, then pull the plug.


----------

