# Husband is "willing to share me"!!



## majorlyconfused

I have been married for almost 10 years and have 3 beautiful children aged 12, 3 and 9 months. Before I married my husband we had discussions about him wanting a threesome. He has had these in the past with previous partners but not with me and I have no interest in it. Before I married him he promised me he wasn’t going to ask me again about having one. We had put this issue to rest and he accepted the fact it is not something I want to try. In the last couple of months we have hit a rough patch and sure enough he is now saying he wants a threesome. I have only slept with 2 people in my life and find sex something special. Obviously I have been distraught cos now my husband says we want different things. He even told me the other day he was ‘willing to share me”!!! Gee how lovely of him!!! He is trying to sell me on 2 men and then I know he will say but we had another man, now my turn for a woman. I am almost 33 years old and the idea of starting over with 3 kids is terrifying. I love my husband to bits but when he told me he was willing to share me, he broke my heart and I don’t know if it can ever be repaired. I am still so physically attracted to him and I do love him, but everyday I sit here questioning what I am doing still married to a man who is "willing to share me"??? I am so confused. Any advice??


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## NotaGoodSlave

Aside from the obvious moral issue and a complete lack of respect for you and your marriage vows here are 10 reasons why this is a really bad idea.........

1. Chlamydia

2. Syphilis

3. HIV/Aids

4. Gonorrhoea

5. Genital Warts

6. Pubic Lice or Crabs

7. Vaginitis

8. Hepatitis

9. Human Papillomavris

10. Trichomoniasis

And by the way.......just a reminder.........#3 eventually kills you.


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## Atholk

Your husband is an idiot. A good percentage of the time the wife leaves the husband for the lover anyway. Then the husband is sad.


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## majorlyconfused

NotaGoodSlave said:


> Aside from the obvious moral issue and a complete lack of respect for you and your marriage vows here are 10 reasons why this is a really bad idea.........
> 
> 1. Chlamydia
> 
> 2. Syphilis
> 
> 3. HIV/Aids
> 
> 4. Gonorrhoea
> 
> 5. Genital Warts
> 
> 6. Pubic Lice or Crabs
> 
> 7. Vaginitis
> 
> 8. Hepatitis
> 
> 9. Human Papillomavris
> 
> 10. Trichomoniasis
> 
> And by the way.......just a reminder.........#3 eventually kills you.


This is EXACTLY why I haven't slept around in my lifetime. I am soooo scared of all the 10 things above. I knew he had done all different things in his past so I assumed he was over it. But to tell the mother of your 3 kids you are willing to share her, I don't know/think I can get over this. Everyday I am crying cos I am remebering exactly what6 he said, how he said it and it is eating me up on the inside. I think deep down I know what to do, but that is the scary path in life I guess.


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## the guy

Tell your H that you will not bring in an alpha male to replace his beta sorry @ss, and that you expect him to man up a take care of you as the alpha male in this marriage.


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## that_girl

I would be suspicious as to WHY he wants to share you. Is he cheating? Did he cheat and feels guilty? Those are thoughts that run through my head.


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## majorlyconfused

that_girl said:


> I would be suspicious as to WHY he wants to share you. Is he cheating? Did he cheat and feels guilty? Those are thoughts that run through my head.


I have had sooo many thoughts running through my head since all this happened too. I question EVERYTHING now. Didn't before. I am pretty sure he isn't cheating because of the timings for work etc. I could be wrong though. I admit and I hate myself for this, I have been checking his phone, emails etc. My gut says there is more to this than he is telling me. I also know that if I ever agreed to a 3some with a man, he would turn around and say it is only fair we now have to do it with a female. Honestly no offence to gay or bi people, the idea of a woman and me is just disgusting. I am not homophobic, I have several gay friends, both male and female, it is just not something that turns me on at all!! He knows it isn't me and I am so mad he is putting this on me!!!


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## that_girl

You don't have to apologize for being straight! LOL I would never want to go down on a woman. Eesh. No. Do I hate gay people? No way. I'm simply not gay.

Tell your husband to sod off. If he is using this to open the door to openly cheat on you, bring that to his attention. Stand your ground and never do ANYTHING sexual you aren't comfortable doing.


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## majorlyconfused

That girl I agree. I will never do a 3some. It is not something I want to do and I know he will want to do it with both a male and a female plus I find him enough for me but I am slowly realising that I don't think I am enough for him so he might end up being able to do what he wants when he wants. As sad as I feel saying that, I feel sick all the time at the moment cos I think of what he wants me to do and what he said to me about sharing me. I am not a piece of meat and it is not up to him to be ok with sharing me. We have a holiday booked in a couple of weeks and I keep telling myself to keep the peace until then so the kids can have a great holiday and then I think I should tell him to move out and on!! If I am not enough, then he can sod off. I agree. Thanks for listening and responding!!!


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## cjoseph

This is totally wrong of him. Don't let him disrespect you like this. Tell him you want a separation till he gets his head on straight. Maybe it will shock him into realizing what he could be giving up if you leaven him permanently. 

Don't be snowed by promises. Insist on some time apart - and then if you think it is worth it, counseling. There is no way you should subject yourself, and your kids to something like this. What does he think marriage means anyway?

You might find doing the right thing frightening, but it's worse to be pressured into doing something you believe is inherently wrong and starting down that path.

Take courage girl, get the support of your family and stick to your guns!


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## Entropy3000

Atholk said:


> Your husband is an idiot. A good percentage of the time the wife leaves the husband for the lover anyway. Then the husband is sad.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Syrum

I suggest you tell him that real life and real love and commitment do not come from a porno.

Marriages that last usually have giving caring people in them that put their marriage first.

He has made you doubt his love and endangered your marriage.

Tell him you aren't attracted to weak men who do not put their wives first. It seems many men want threesomes, but not just any man can be strong and lead his marriage and make it something great. Then say threesomes are out, but you are considering single dom and solitary masturbation as if he isn't committed to your marriage and loving you and protecting you then you are not sure it's what you want.

The fact that he would risk your emotional well being and physical well being is very alarming.


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## 2xloser

Make an appointment with a sex therapist, and/or a marriage counselor to get both of you addressing each other's needs more appropriately.


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## georgina

hiya hunni, I am going through a very similiar situation as you and its very scary, my hubby of 13 years has actually been talking to other women online about such matters and i just really hope this is not happening to you! xx can i suggest you download a program called keylogger onto every computer you have in the house.... you can get it from the internet for free... someone on here recommended it and its ace.. basically it tracks everything that is done on the computer and saves it so you can go and see whats been happening.... i have installed this and as my hubby thinks i'm completely useless with a computer when it comes to programs he has no idea it is there.. and i can see evrytime he has logged on and what hes looking at... its an ingenious invention and you can hide it so they dont know its there... and check it when they at work..... i really really hope your hubby hasnt done anything behind your back... as in my experience my hubby did and its tore me apart xxx good luck hunni xx


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## lht285

Ok, here is my take on this. I think you should tell him that you are not someone who is interested in open marriages and a swinger type lifestyle. Tell him that your fantasies do not involve relationships outside your marriage. Tell him you are willing to talk about fantasies but that you are not interested in relationships of a sexual nature outside of your marriage. 

I personally think that the main thing about keeping a marriage strong is communicating your feelings without anger, and trying to have trust and respect for your partner. 

You made it pretty clear before you got married that you are not a person interested in threesomes, swinging, or relationships outside the marriage. Stick to your guns.


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## tacoma

Atholk said:


> Your husband is an idiot. A good percentage of the time the wife leaves the husband for the lover anyway. Then the husband is sad.


Really? Have you got stats on that?
That does`t sound right.



> . I am still so physically attracted to him and I do love him, but everyday I sit here questioning what I am doing still married to a man who is "willing to share me"??? I am so confused. Any advice??


Yes, talk to your husband about why he wants to share you.

You may very well have the entire wrong idea.

Tell him it`s not your cup of tea and not in the cards but make sure you ask him why.

You may be surprised.


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## Cypress

Majorly,

From what I have read '3 somes' or 'sharing' is very destructive to a relationship. Your hubby may think he wants it, but when he sees it happening, he will never look at you the same way again. He will consider it cheating and so will you.

Sharing and 3some stories are common in pornography. Could he be reading/watching it a lot? It sounds like he has this sex fantasy running around in his head. Men struggling with self esteem issues can think like this. 

Try distancing your self a bit and see what happens. Read up on the 180. I think his new fantasy will become just you alone.

Cypress


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## aingnyy

I would be suspicious as to WHY he wants to share you.


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## Catherine602

You have 3 kids two in diapers and this man tells you that!!! If you search this forum you will fInd post from wives whose husbands want them to engage in group sex of various sorts. I have a difficult time understanding how a person to whom you have given your trust, love and 3 beautiful children can see you as an object that he has some control over. 

That's what sharing implys, he has dominion over your body and through his largest he is happy to pimp you out to other men so he gets a charge out of it. I think your husband has a big problem that needs fixing. He has porn brain rot. 

To me these request are insulting and disgusting. I think it represents the normalization of the fantasy of porn. Porn viewing effects men differently depending on their pychological make up. For many, it decreases their ability to view woman as thinking breathing feeling humans. The porn actress will do anything to pleasure the man and ask for nothing in return. That is very addictive, if only woman were mindless sexbots under total control. The longing that the fiction brings blots out the normal feeling a man should have for his wife and the mother of his kids. 

What your husband thinks of your role as his wife is totally outrageous. My reaction would be to let him know how it makes you feel and how hurt you are. Talk to him in terms of your feelings and try to get him to remember how he felt before the porn took over his brain. Try to reach him through his fog of sexual pleasure that at one time he respected you and cared what happened to you. At one time you were both on the same team with the same goals and values. Remind him that you did not sign up to be pimped out by your husband but to love him and have mutually satisfying intimacy. 

I think a discussion to see where he is with his values and views and you have to let him know where your values are. Also he must get the idea out of his head that you are his to share he does not own you and I don't think you married a pimp. You cannot control his thinking but you can control what you accept from him. Decide what your boundaries are, make it ckear to him and decide on the consequences of crossing the line. 

He may think, as many men do, that their is no harm in trying to "spice things up" and asking the wife for anything. I dont agree. I would not ask my husband to engage in sex with men because i get a charge out of it because i know it would disturb him. 


If I harbored such fantasies, they are hardly more important than the respect I show him by not throwing him curve balls so far outside of the desires of the person I know. That to me should be the deciding point as to whether a fantasies should be shared. Also the way it is shared I would not presume to own my husband's body and float fantasies for it's use. . 

If all of these things have changed for him then you both have choices to make. Will he respect you and see you as his wife
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lovebug501

I can speak firsthand to this. My husband liked to "share me". I did it because he was obsessed and I thought it would "fix" our marriage. I refused to share him with other women. I cried every time. He always picked the men. I was not attracted to a single one of them. 

When I finally gave up fighting him on it and started becoming attracted to other men, I knew there was something seriously wrong in our marriage. As soon as I picked the third person, he became jealous and it became "cheating". We reaffirmed our commitment to each other - agreed not to go there ever again. Two days later, I see an e-mail in his inbox, which he promptly deleted, where he was responding to ads looking for a male to join a couple in 3-somes.

Seek counseling now. Do NOT do it. Either way, this could be the end of your marriage. During the times I was refusing to do it, he viewed porn constantly and placed ads on adult websites. Watch out for adultfriendfinder.com.


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## Entropy3000

Catherine602 said:


> You have 3 kids two in diapers and this man tells you that!!! If you search this forum you will fInd post from wives whose husbands want them to engage in group sex of various sorts. I have a difficult time understanding how a person to whom you have given your trust, love and 3 beautiful children can see you as an object that he has some control over.
> 
> That's what sharing implys, he has dominion over your body and through his largest he is happy to pimp you out to other men so he gets a charge out of it. I think your husband has a big problem that needs fixing. He has porn brain rot.
> 
> To me these request are insulting and disgusting. I think it represents the normalization of the fantasy of porn. Porn viewing effects men differently depending on their pychological make up. For many, it decreases their ability to view woman as thinking breathing feeling humans. The porn actress will do anything to pleasure the man and ask for nothing in return. That is very addictive, if only woman were mindless sexbots under total control. The longing that the fiction brings blots out the normal feeling a man should have for his wife and the mother of his kids.
> 
> What your husband thinks of your role as his wife is totally outrageous. My reaction would be to let him know how it makes you feel and how hurt you are. Talk to him in terms of your feelings and try to get him to remember how he felt before the porn took over his brain. Try to reach him through his fog of sexual pleasure that at one time he respected you and cared what happened to you. At one time you were both on the same team with the same goals and values. Remind him that you did not sign up to be pimped out by your husband but to love him and have mutually satisfying intimacy.
> 
> I think a discussion to see where he is with his values and views and you have to let him know where your values are. Also he must get the idea out of his head that you are his to share he does not own you and I don't think you married a pimp. You cannot control his thinking but you can control what you accept from him. Decide what your boundaries are, make it ckear to him and decide on the consequences of crossing the line.
> 
> He may think, as many men do, that their is no harm in trying to "spice things up" and asking the wife for anything. I dont agree. I would not ask my husband to engage in sex with men because i get a charge out of it because i know it would disturb him.
> 
> 
> If I harbored such fantasies, they are hardly more important than the respect I show him by not throwing him curve balls so far outside of the desires of the person I know. That to me should be the deciding point as to whether a fantasies should be shared. Also the way it is shared I would not presume to own my husband's body and float fantasies for it's use. .
> 
> If all of these things have changed for him then you both have choices to make. Will he respect you and see you as his wife
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Entropy3000

tacoma said:


> Really? Have you got stats on that?
> That does`t sound right.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, talk to your husband about why he wants to share you.
> 
> You may very well have the entire wrong idea.
> 
> Tell him it`s not your cup of tea and not in the cards but make sure you ask him why.
> 
> You may be surprised.


Asking for stats is a good question.

Logic though tells us that this is very distructive, especially when the woman is essentially forced down this path. A husband who does this is very submissive in wanting to live out their cuckold fantasy. The exact opposite of Alpha. He exhibits very low value as a male in sharing his wife with an OM. The OM is looked at as Alpha as he is the dominant male. This is especially creepy when the husband joins in and performs acts which are even more demeaning.

Over time the wife is bound to start seeing these other men or maybe just one in particular as more attractive. The husband risks all.

Males will mate with females who are less than their sex rank by several levels. Women are wired to seek out the most fit male. A man who shares his wife is not very fit by definition. When the wife starts choosing, it is to be expected that she will select the most desireable male available to her. His sex rank should be much higher than her husbands as her choice is the male who is not sharing but taking. Sex rank has a lot of factors. It may be just physical or it may be that the OM has greater status and or income. A woman can up her sex rank by how she dresses and how available she chooses to be sexually. So she can up her sex rank and be desireable to males a notch above her husband.

Now why any man would be into this I have no idea whatsoever. It very much creeps me out.


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