# A Life Update - Changes, Regrets, Looking Forward



## blind (Jan 17, 2008)

I haven't posted here about myself for several weeks, if not a few months. Some of you may remember me from my original post from 10 or 11 months ago. At that time I had recently learned that my wife was very unhappy in the marriage and that her love for me had died. For the first time I truly understood my mistakes in the marriage. Primarily, I never made her feel as though she was a priority to me. Too many things came first. Once I understood this, I put everything else to the side and put all of my effort into saving the marriage for her sake, my sake and the sake of our two wonderful children. Despite my best efforts, her feelings for me didn't return and she made the decision to separate/divorce. 

She moved out about 1 month ago but the Petition for Dissolution was filed even before that. We were able to work out everything with regard to child custody/support, property division, etc. We are now only weeks away from the divorce being final.

I want to earnestly thank many on this forum for their help, advice, thoughts and for simply listening and providing feedback about my situation. This has all been an emotional roller coaster for me (and her). I realize the ups and downs will continue from time to time as I still love her dearly. However, I am holding up pretty well and owe much of my stregth to God, my friends, and those I have met on this forum. Thank you.

My children are 6 and 2. My son (6) is taking this all pretty well. He's starting to understand the logistics of having two homes. We are seeing him act out a little with regard to the more insignificant things but he's handling the larger issues okay. We're both keeping a close eye on this and feel that with some patience and time he'll fully adjust fine. Our 2 year old is obviously too young to understand or appreciate how her life is changing. Sure she picks up on some of it, but all in all she is the happy, smiling little girl she's always been. Please keep my kids in your thoughts and prayer. They are the true innocent victims to what has become an all too well accepted part of our American society.

Looking into the future I hope to find a woman with whom I'm compatible. Someone I can love unconditionally. I'm a much better man and companion than I've ever been. Going through this painful time has taught me much about love and relationships. I truly feel I've learned much from my mistakes and will approach my next relationship with more maturity, thoughtfulness, respect, and candor. I've got a confidence about me that didn't exist before. I'll be a great husband once my heart heals and I'm ready to move on. Many changes have come about through this. Early on I lost some weight through shear stress and loss of appetite. Once I settled I took advantage of the weight loss and hit the gym. I'm down 15 lbs and am now looking to put the weight back on with muscle. I'm improving my appearance and outlook on life. The time I now spend with my children is cherished and well spent. I'm a better listener. I hope the improvements continue to come and that I use the new tools I've developed to continue being a better father, friend, and some day companion.

Marriage is still a sacred bond to me. If there could be reconciliation with my wife, I would welcome it. I don't hold any false hope of that happening. Although I have many regrets I'm now content with my past. Many that have trod this road before have learned that you must forgive yourself before you can move on. I feel I've reached that point. I've not yet completely forgiven my wife for her decision to end our 11 year marriage and 17 year relationship, but I am moving in that direction. Once I can wholly forgive her I feel I'll be ready to move forward even further. I hope and pray she can forgive me and herself. Holding resentment often stands in the way of happiness.

So, that is where I am now and what I'm doing. Just wanted to write a little and let this community know that there are many wonderful, thoughtful people here that have helped along the way. Again, I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm well on my way and I can begin to see the light at the end. No doubt with children involved the wounds will ooze from time to time, but with my new strength I feel I'll be able to weather the storms well. Thanks again for all the support. Take care my friends.

Blind (but starting to see again)


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Blind,

Thank you for sharing your update with us. I have to say, when I first stumbled upon this site looking for help with my own marriage, your original post is what drew me in. Feeling your patience, accountability and sincerity in your writing I could not help but hope and pray it wasn't too late for your marriage. 

I am sorry to hear of your divorce, but am glad you have been able to stay the course with the changes you chose to make within. Your children are blessed to have you looking out for their best interests throughout this emotional time & I will certainly keep them in my prayers.

And thanks to you, Blind, for your always thoughtful posts on this site. Take care & I hope you keep us updated from time to time.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Blind

Thanks you for the update even though it is not the ending you wished for, nor what members of the forum would have. It is too bad that so many do not recognize what they need to do as a spouse until the marriage becomes badly damaged. It is however, good to know that many who travel this difficult path emerge a better person for it. I know that you have Blind. While my marriage is still struggling I know I am a better man for it. I have also learned so much from the forum. I’ve learned I can change if I put my mind to it. I’ve learned who my closest friends are. My faith in Him has been bolstered. And I recognize that my wife is a better person for it also. You have now set your priorities in life for the wellbeing of your children. I know that both you and your wife will do what’s best for them at this point and will work together as loving parents. While you suffered so much pain over the past few months you can now look forward in life to a new beginning and know the dusk is not as dark as you thought it would be. There is a new life beyond the marriage you now leave behind. Even in the loss of your marriage you now serve as inspiration to others that life does go on, wounds heal, eyes are opened and forgiveness comes. I know your faith in God has provided you with strength in this journey. While you prayers may not have been answered in the way you wished for He has provided you with the strength to carry on through the struggle and beyond. My best to you.


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## goodintent65 (Nov 26, 2008)

blind said:


> I haven't posted here about myself for several weeks, if not a few months. Some of you may remember me from my original post from 10 or 11 months ago. At that time I had recently learned that my wife was very unhappy in the marriage and that her love for me had died. For the first time I truly understood my mistakes in the marriage. Primarily, I never made her feel as though she was a priority to me. Too many things came first. Once I understood this, I put everything else to the side and put all of my effort into saving the marriage for her sake, my sake and the sake of our two wonderful children. Despite my best efforts, her feelings for me didn't return and she made the decision to separate/divorce.
> 
> She moved out about 1 month ago but the Petition for Dissolution was filed even before that. We were able to work out everything with regard to child custody/support, property division, etc. We are now only weeks away from the divorce being final.
> 
> ...



Dear Blind,

Thank you for sharing your update, and your hope. We can all use hope. *hug*


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## blind (Jan 17, 2008)

Thanks everyone for the continued support. 

Another reason I wanted to start this thread is to connect with others who might just be started down a similar road. At first I didn't know how I would make it through each day. My heart was breaking continually and my emotions were running wild. But, there is hope (as goodintent65 pointed out). No, this isn't the result I was wanting. But I'm a better person because of it. I intend to make the best out of this and others can too. Granted, I'm not what I would call "happy" yet, but I have all confidence that those days are not too far off. I can say with certainty that I am again having some happy times with my friends, family and most importantly my children.

So, to all of you that are going through divorce, separation, or marital troubles, you can do it, you can improve yourself, and the world won't stop. Even if the worst happens, some where down the road the seas will calm, the storms will cease, the clouds will clear, the sun will rise, and you'll bask in its warmth. You'll find strength in the moments of weakness (I stole that line from Rascall Flatts). My best to everyone here and I'll continue to monitor this forum, provide updates from time to time, and post on other threads if I feel I can help. Thanks again.

Blind


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Blind,

thank you for the post. I am in the begining of the end of my marriage. My wife and I have been married for close to 16 years and a month ago she told me she no longer loved me and couldn't see spending the rest of her life with me. She stated that she wanted to find someone with whom she has more in common.. It is an inspiration to hear that it will get better someday and I will be able to love again. I have had such a terrible time dealing with this it has broken my heart with the way my wife shows no emotions and the hurtfull things that she has said its like it comes from a total stranger. I also have been learning quite a bit about my faults within the marriage and hope to keep getting better at listening and understanding what a partner needs and will be better equiped to fulfill her needs.

I thank you again and I will continue to re-read your post in hopes that I can gain insriration and I can continue to heal and move forward into the next part of my life without my wife.
Best wishes to you friend and hope the life you have always wanted is yours someday.

Skin


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## blind (Jan 17, 2008)

Skin - One of my greatest desires these days is to help others that are in marital trouble and to help happy marriages stay happy. Not that there is much I can do other than to tell my story and my mistakes. I do hope you find some inspiration. I'll try to refresh my mind about your story and see if I have more comments. Best of luck to you. It will get better.

Blind


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Blind,
thank you again... My post "Should i give up " kind of tells my story... Tomorrow being Thanksgiving will more than likely be the last one I spend as a family with my wife and girls... for the past 15 years I have sat with them and enjoyed the spirit of the day.... Tomorrow I will be like any other guest arriving at the scheduled time eating and then leaving.... Feeling like a guest in my own house...How did I let it get to this point... well enough about me.... I wanted to wish you the happiest Thanksgiving that you can possibly have... You are in my thoughts and prayers Blind..... Keep moving forward my friend ...


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