# Guys Ways!!



## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Guys I would like to hear your opinion!

He is in another state taking care of his mom who has cancer in advanced stage, afterward he will be back to my state.

Our relationship started in the beginning of May. It turned to a deep love. The way we contact each other is either by phone Facebook or yahoo. We are in a serious relationship and we both perceive a future with the other person.

At first we use to spend hours talking to each other without stopping until we are physically exhausted. We have a lot of connection we are always on the same page we compromise a lot. we talk about art literature politic..... and we have the same way of analyzing things....

Now things started to change and i see him not interested in staying long time talking together.
I have those questions in my mind. Is he starting to get bored or is losing interest in talking means losing interest in me?!
I know he is more secure about my love to him and i know he has a lot of things to deal with , I know he needs time to also deal with his own things.
The problem is the only me and him time is when we have those conversations and when he makes them less it seems to me bad because i miss him and i want to talk to him more.

Should i discuss these things with him or just admit the situation as it is? 
I don't want to sound annoying i don't want to lose him or pressure him but also i don't want to ignore when changes occur until the relationship get to worse stage

I like to understand more about men ways of thinking!


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Two issues...his mother has cancer and if he has a good relationship with her then that is probably absorbing much, if not all, of his time. Second, there's only so much you can talk about in a new relationship. You've talked for hours "until physically exhausted" and so much of your "conversation supply" has been used up. In effect, you gorged yourself in the beginning and now the supply needs to be restocked. That will only happen as the relationship develops and you experience new things together.

His mother's illness is probably a BIG thing. Give him space to deal with it and forget about talking until you are physically exhausted, for the short term. Turn to short one liners "thinking of you", "hope all is ok", let me know if you need anything", "remember, I'm here for you when you need me". Give him time and you'll find those small things will return huge dividends in the future.


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## weR2 (Jul 9, 2011)

Speaking for myself, it would be very hard to have long conversations via internet and or telephone. It seems that you are wanting someone to talk to, likely a male, and you should do that. He on the other hand, has his mother to communicate with and MAY be overwhelmed by that. I think that I would be, especially knowing that she may be terminally ill. I assume that you have no real commitment to each other, therefore what would really be wrong for you to continue your "search". I say, do not deny yourself. Continue with your life and if you so choose, keep in contact with him. BUT, save yourself future agony by being straightforward and honest with him about your thoughts. If he is there for the "long-haul" he will understand, if not, then it could be that he is not the person for you??? Communicate your thoughts honestly, freely, and sincerely.


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## weR2 (Jul 9, 2011)

bigtoe said:


> two issues...his mother has cancer and if he has a good relationship with her then that is probably absorbing much, if not all, of his time. Second, there's only so much you can talk about in a new relationship. You've talked for hours "until physically exhausted" and so much of your "conversation supply" has been used up. In effect, you gorged yourself in the beginning and now the supply needs to be restocked. That will only happen as the relationship develops and you experience new things together.
> 
> His mother's illness is probably a big thing. Give him space to deal with it and forget about talking until you are physically exhausted, for the short term. Turn to short one liners "thinking of you", "hope all is ok", let me know if you need anything", "remember, i'm here for you when you need me". Give him time and you'll find those small things will return huge dividends in the future.


great thoughts!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

weR2 said:


> Speaking for myself, it would be very hard to have long conversations via internet and or telephone. It seems that you are wanting someone to talk to, likely a male, and you should do that. He on the other hand, has his mother to communicate with and MAY be overwhelmed by that. I think that I would be, especially knowing that she may be terminally ill. I assume that you have no real commitment to each other, therefore what would really be wrong for you to continue your "search". I say, do not deny yourself. Continue with your life and if you so choose, keep in contact with him. BUT, save yourself future agony by being straightforward and honest with him about your thoughts. If he is there for the "long-haul" he will understand, if not, then it could be that he is not the person for you??? Communicate your thoughts honestly, freely, and sincerely.


As a guy, I would agree with the notion that talking on the phone for hours a day wears off after a while. I've been seeing my GF for almost 6 months now, BTW. But it's absolutely no reflection on the way I feel about her, and how we communicate in person. We just spent 8 hours together just hanging out, and both of us weren't ready for the day to be over. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

BigToe said:


> Two issues...his mother has cancer and if he has a good relationship with her then that is probably absorbing much, if not all, of his time. Second, there's only so much you can talk about in a new relationship. You've talked for hours "until physically exhausted" and so much of your "conversation supply" has been used up. In effect, you gorged yourself in the beginning and now the supply needs to be restocked. That will only happen as the relationship develops and you experience new things together.
> 
> His mother's illness is probably a BIG thing. Give him space to deal with it and forget about talking until you are physically exhausted, for the short term. Turn to short one liners "thinking of you", "hope all is ok", let me know if you need anything", "remember, I'm here for you when you need me". Give him time and you'll find those small things will return huge dividends in the future.


Thank you BigToe I know you are right and he has a lot of responsibilities toward his mom yes a lot.
I am going to give him the space he needs i just was scared to be manipulated because with his responsibilities he was giving me the time we use to share and now he changed.

I know we talked a lot but it wasn't all about our relationship it was about things we are both interested in and enjoy to talk about, we laugh a lot and we have nice time never had to think what to talk about.
BTW we both are not talkable persons in general but together we always have things to talk about for the uncountable common things that we share.

Our conversations was so delightful he also said it to me that i am the best thing in his life and his refuge i gave him back hope in life and that nice things could happen, my love is very important to him and he wish one day i become his wife.... That is why i feel pain now when giving him space but i will do it and be for him when he needs me.

BTW He is in bad relationship with his mom she always treated him bad and she is a very ungrateful person, she has favoritism toward her other son who is alcoholic narcissistic and so much like her over the son who is helping her and sacrificing his life for her she is turning his life hell.

I know as you said it is more about the stress in his life and the time that his mother needs from him. He is exhausted physically and emotionally.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

weR2 said:


> Speaking for myself, it would be very hard to have long conversations via internet and or telephone. It seems that you are wanting someone to talk to, likely a male, and you should do that. He on the other hand, has his mother to communicate with and MAY be overwhelmed by that. I think that I would be, especially knowing that she may be terminally ill. I assume that you have no real commitment to each other, therefore what would really be wrong for you to continue your "search". I say, do not deny yourself. Continue with your life and if you so choose, keep in contact with him. BUT, save yourself future agony by being straightforward and honest with him about your thoughts. If he is there for the "long-haul" he will understand, if not, then it could be that he is not the person for you??? Communicate your thoughts honestly, freely, and sincerely.


weR2 thank you for the advice, yes i need someone to be in my life but don't need to talk to any random one i just need to talk to him because for me he is my other half. We have commitment to each other. He puts on his Facebook that he is in relationship with me he is showing everyone that he is in love with me he is sending me songs and love words also commenting on every post or photo or statues of mine. I can feel his love and interest in me He shows it in many ways. I am not going to look for someone else i just need to know that talking to me less is not having less feelings toward me.
It is hard i know and painful yes. He has things to deal with i also have my kids and responsibilities it is working verygood that we are in separate states because we both are not 100% available right now and the way we are talking is letting us know each other more


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

PBear said:


> As a guy, I would agree with the notion that talking on the phone for hours a day wears off after a while. I've been seeing my GF for almost 6 months now, BTW. But it's absolutely no reflection on the way I feel about her, and how we communicate in person. We just spent 8 hours together just hanging out, and both of us weren't ready for the day to be over.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good to hear that PBear this was my concern that talking less means having less love and interest.


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## weR2 (Jul 9, 2011)

LVS said:


> weR2 thank you for the advice, yes i need someone to be in my life but don't need to talk to any random one i just need to talk to him because for me he is my other half. We have commitment to each other. He puts on his Facebook that he is in relationship with me he is showing everyone that he is in love with me he is sending me songs and love words also commenting on every post or photo or statues of mine. I can feel his love and interest in me He shows it in many ways. I am not going to look for someone else i just need to know that talking to me less is not having less feelings toward me.
> It is hard i know and painful yes. He has things to deal with i also have my kids and responsibilities it is working verygood that we are in separate states because we both are not 100% available right now and the way we are talking is letting us know each other more


In that case, my suggestion to you would be to write him long e-mails. In that way you can satisfy your loneliness and give him something to read when he is "available", since taking care of his mother MAY not allow him the time to talk to you verbally on the phone. 

BUT!!! TYPICALLY, men do not like to write long e-mails! Therefore you should understand this, so, DO NOT EXPECT him to reciprocate with a long e-mail. ALSO, let him know that you do not expect a long e-mail from him, that you are doing it for your own peace. ON OCCASION, after writing the e-mail, you might want to call him to let him know that you wrote an e-mail and to verbally see how things are going for him.

Another thought to consider, could it be that from what you explained about his mother, is it possible that she is "jealous" of the time that he spends on the phone with you? If she is, that could create another problem for him, especially if he is spending time talking to you and not to her.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Most our conversations were taking place on Facebook by chatting and sharing posts and comments.... we talk on the phone but not for sooo long the longest was three hours lol but not always i know it is so long for two persons who hate talking on the phone. But we never feel the time long until our ears hurt or our body become exhausted lol

We also talk on the phone when it is something serious and we fear misunderstanding because writing things sometimes transfer wrong impressions

I asked him to call me and i spoke to him. i said i don't want to seem complaining and i don't want him to misunderstand me it is just to be always on the same page together and to understand more the way he is thinking
i also said maybe i am spoiled and got used to have more time with you and now it is less all i need is to understand..
Before i finish my words he said my mom is getting more sick and needing more time from me to take care of her i need to feed her in person to change her bed many times a day to clean and cook and.... 
we spoke around an hour than we hang up i feel better and i know it is hard but i know he loves me
I also get a long letter from him this morning by mail saying very nice things about me and our relationship and love and how much i mean for him in all the ways and that his dream to see me one day as his wife....


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## weR2 (Jul 9, 2011)

Great to hear that everything is fine! Thanks for the update!


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

weR2 said:


> In that case, my suggestion to you would be to write him long e-mails. In that way you can satisfy your loneliness and give him something to read when he is "available", since taking care of his mother MAY not allow him the time to talk to you verbally on the phone.
> 
> BUT!!! TYPICALLY, men do not like to write long e-mails! Therefore you should understand this, so, DO NOT EXPECT him to reciprocate with a long e-mail. ALSO, let him know that you do not expect a long e-mail from him, that you are doing it for your own peace. ON OCCASION, after writing the e-mail, you might want to call him to let him know that you wrote an e-mail and to verbally see how things are going for him.
> 
> Another thought to consider, could it be that from what you explained about his mother, is it possible that she is "jealous" of the time that he spends on the phone with you? If she is, that could create another problem for him, especially if he is spending time talking to you and not to her.


I am going to give him the space because i feel he needs it i am not a pushy person i understand what is going on in his life i only needed to know that his feelings are not changing.

About his mom this is a good point i didn't think about it. She might be seeking a negative attention specially as a self centered person. I agree with what you said.

In anyway giving him space to breathe is going to be positive to our relationship


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I don't think he needs any space he loves me he is just not having time to do so many things his mom taking most his daily time and some of his nights. But since i spoke to him he is sending me notes messages or posting on my wall to show more love and care in many ways.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

The new update is; I took two weeks vacation and i am going next week to visit him. Like that i know him more in person and meet his mom and other relatives and friends. I am so excited but at the same time so scared.
I don't wish to see the in person relationship less good then the online or on the phone one. I hope and pray nothing will change in my perception about him or our relationship.


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## weR2 (Jul 9, 2011)

LVS said:


> The new update is; I took two weeks vacation and i am going next week to visit him. Like that i know him more in person and meet his mom and other relatives and friends. I am so excited but at the same time so scared.
> I don't wish to see the in person relationship less good then the online or on the phone one. I hope and pray nothing will change in my perception about him or our relationship.


Be confident, be understanding, be cautious with your expectations. We all wish you both the best of luck in your journey together.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

BigToe said:


> Two issues...his mother has cancer and if he has a good relationship with her then that is probably absorbing much, if not all, of his time. Second, there's only so much you can talk about in a new relationship. You've talked for hours "until physically exhausted" and so much of your "conversation supply" has been used up. In effect, you gorged yourself in the beginning and now the supply needs to be restocked. That will only happen as the relationship develops and you experience new things together.
> 
> His mother's illness is probably a BIG thing. Give him space to deal with it and forget about talking until you are physically exhausted, for the short term. Turn to short one liners "thinking of you", "hope all is ok", let me know if you need anything", "remember, I'm here for you when you need me". Give him time and you'll find those small things will return huge dividends in the future.


:iagree:


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

New update, plan changed and instead i am going to my country to see my family.  he is in shut down condition.

To be more clear i was supposed to go to my country from the beginning but things changed because i wasn't able to afford the ticket price for me and my son so i planned with him to go and visit him but one more time things changed when my brother called me and said that my family is paying both tickets and expenses.

He understand the situation and told me to go and enjoy my time and that i need to be with my family but he couldn't work on his emotions hmmmm i am sad!


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

New update:
I went for vacation to my country and came back my contact with him was not in its good ways because of his hard situation and me so far and not being able to be in contact all the time. Anyway i enjoyed my time between my family and friends and after i came back our relationship got back to its amazing way. 

His mom passed away by the mid of August and he is coming back to California this week. We are both excited to meet each other again but i feel so nervous about the way i am going to meet with him. I know our relationship developed over the internet and the phone but we miss the reality part!!! we are so much in love we know each other so much even more then some couples who live with each other for years. But we still don't know each other in person (well i met him before he left at work but it was different type of conversations)

How are we suppose to meet now? It is really odd situation? I don't know if i can hug him right away? or just shake hands? 
Is anyone went through a similar situation?
Will you share with me about your experience and/or opinion


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