# Midlife divorce



## waitingpatiently (Apr 7, 2021)

.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

How can you?
How could you?

...throw 10 to 15 years of your valuable life away?

You know what you have, what you are......today.

In 10 to 15 years you may be sickly, maybe having had a debilitating accident.

You may be lovely and attractive today.

Tomorrow may find you something else.

Live for today, forget not those tomorrows.

Today is real, tomorrow is hoped for.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

waitingpatiently said:


> I am not financially independent (also qualified but 0 work experience - which will only get worse with age). I do not want a single cent from him if I divorce him.


My exwife said the same thing. Then she did the math, as you will do- and realize that zero dollars doesn't go far towards covering monthly expenses.

She turned it into a high conflict divorce and made demands that were so unreasonable we spent over $200k in legal fees over 3 years. At the end she got pretty much what I offered her.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You haven't said why you want to divorce. Is he a terrible person?


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> You haven't said why you want to divorce. Is he a terrible person?


Does a spouse have to be a terrible person in order to qualify for divorce?

I never knew


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

waitingpatiently said:


> I'm contemplating divorcing my husband once our child is well into college (in the next 10-15 years).


How is it you do that exactly?
Do you have a pretend life, going out with someone you don't love, paying the bills with them? Do you have sex with him knowing what is coming up in the future? Do you lie to your kid the whole time? I really don't get this. If you have a rationale to stay that long (financial) why not work on your marriage? Obviously I don't know the details but this seems self-defeating and a waste of precious time (his too). If you don't want a cent from him, why wait?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Children, at any age, usually prefer their parents together and divorce can be a serious adjustment for them. My child was no exception. Yours may not be either.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Trident said:


> Does a spouse have to be a terrible person in order to qualify for divorce?
> 
> I never knew


These days sneezing qualifies someone for divorce. I know she says she doesn't want a dime, but in the end her husband is going to get his wallet ripped out of his asshole.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think it's absurd to be considering divorce in "10 to 15 years".


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## waitingpatiently (Apr 7, 2021)

Thanks.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Trident said:


> Does a spouse have to be a terrible person in order to qualify for divorce?
> 
> I never knew


I don't know - you tell me - is he terrible? You sound defensive. Also your approach (as others have said) sounds absurd. You resent him for being his mother's puppet although that is the culture he (and you) were raised in. You married him because he can provide well for you and your kids (something that your father didn't do) and are putting up with him until the kids are older (10-15 years from now!!!!). This doesn't sound fair to you, the kids or him! He does not know that you are planning to leave and are lining up your ducks in a row in preparation instead of dealing with it now.

The right thing to do would be to tell him now that you cannot stand him and would like a divorce.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> I don't know - you tell me - is he terrible? You sound defensive. You married him


I don't mean to be defensive. You're asking me if he's terrible? I have no clue, I don't even know the guy, we're not married. .


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Trident said:


> I don't mean to be defensive. You're asking me if he's terrible? I have no clue, I don't even know the guy, we're not married. .


I was addressing the OP - you answered.


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## onmyownwith3girls (Apr 6, 2021)

waitingpatiently said:


> Hi everyone!
> I just joined and I am really looking forward to other people's experiences and advice.
> I haven't posted my situation yet but I'll do it when I have enough time at a stretch. But in the meantime, I really wanted to know if there is anybody here who has gotten divorced after their kids moved out. What were your feelings like? How did you cope with being single at a late age (financially and otherwise)? If you were a stay-at-home mom all your kids' lives, did you manage to become financially independent? What were the positives and negatives for you?
> I'm contemplating divorcing my husband once our child is well into college (in the next 10-15 years). I am not financially independent (also qualified but 0 work experience - which will only get worse with age). I do not want a single cent from him if I divorce him.
> Thank you so much for reading!


Please don't wait out the next 10-15 years. Please don't. Take it from me, i did. I wish i had the self-confidence all those years ago to leave right then and there. Instead I waited 17 years and here i am - in my 50s. Don't waste time. 
Your kids are better off with you divorcing now and seeing their mom happy (and feeling it) than growing up with tension that they will feel even if you think you're really good at hiding it. Kids are better off coming from a broken home than living in one. I wish i had learned that lesson so many years ago. 
Good luck. Be Strong.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

First thing is go get a job that will lead to a career. You will need to be able to support yourself whether you stay married or not. It will be easier before the divorce to get established. With that said as someone who stayed an extra 10 years, I say get out now. Your kids will be just fine. And if you divorce ask for as much as the law allows. Women tend to short change themselves in divorce after putting in so much. I regret not asking for what the law says I should get. Trust me. Men do not approach it that way.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> I was addressing the OP - you answered.


You quoted _me,_ not the Op.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

I agree with what everyone is saying. Don't just sit there for another decade or two. You said you don't have skills, well go get some. You might have some already as I'm guessing you are bilingual. Build off of that.


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