# Need info for the SEAN and LYNN drama



## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

i have been reading sean's posts from during my A, trying to help myself understand more of the impact of everything and to understand sean's feelings during everything.

I uncovered that he edited these 4 month old posts two days ago, to continue to hid the facts of his previous affairs that he has never told me about. It was on page 24 or 25 of "should i kick my wife out or let her stay" thread posted by wolfgar . please someone just tell me what he took out, he left for the night after i got home from working eleven hours today to go "hang out" with his friends in his old stomping ground of his college days. I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH! he has never felt the repercussions of F*****G other women. 

On another note, he lied to me the other day when i also found out that he told the entire forum about my past troubles in my childhood, and other extremely personal things. 

He ASKED me to get on here, here i am, now he is regretting because he forgot all the things he disclosed on here and shouldn't have.

I am devastated about the decisions i have made, but i am also determined to be a better person every single day ahead of me, first for myself, and second for my kids. What i did IS horrible, and believe me that Sean makes sure i feel the consequences everyday, PLEASE I JUST NEED TO KNOW, if anyone can help, my mind is going crazy with what he must have deleted in these threads, as i read on i see that he has edited almost every post after he came clean on TAM about his own disloyalty. 

If anyone remembers, please help.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Try messaging the administrator.

On a side note, is it raining out? Maybe he wants you to follow him with the kid, to a hotel? Just a thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

The content was pretty much the same as far I can remember. Not sure what he edited out though. But I think he said he confessed these affairs to you during the initial R. 


Anyway your marriage is dead. You have a horrible attitude towards R. Go divorce amicably.


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Read pg 33, 3rd post on that page he wrote. Did you not Know about his A..


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> The content was pretty much the same as far I can remember. Not sure what he edited out though. But I think he said he confessed these affairs to you during the initial R.
> 
> 
> Anyway your marriage is dead. You have a horrible attitude towards R. Go divorce amicably.


Yeah, thats what he says on pg 33, about her Knowing about his A. Other than that, I have no idea about what if anything he edited. I just wanted you to know about pg 33.. Goodluck.


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## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

He told me about se* with girls during his time away at college- on a side note at that time i was also fully supporting him raising our baby and picking him and and dropping him off at school every other weekend, putting my life on hold so he could "get his degree" , all the while i found our 7 years later he was having unprotected sex with girls (he told me he got one girl pregnant and she had an abortion) and i was working my a** and being a single working mother so he could go to school (which he failed out that year away, hmm i wonder why).

If there was nothing to lie to me about he wouldn't have gone back and edited it. He told me later (being 4 years ago) about another girl he had unprotected sex with, while i was pregnant and had filed for divorce (just after the phone sex thing).

The part that stands out to me is that he said that was 3 years ago, which at the time he wrote it, it had actually been over 4 years. I think that he is lying about have another A after our first R four years ago. He would know the exact time line of all of this to a tee because it is as old as our second born child.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

See, I am not picking sides but atleast he did not lock you out of the house and have sex with other women while you are waiting outside with kids. 

'contd....

Edit:

Sean was leeching off on you right from the start of the marriage. If you had posted you side of the story without the infidelity part, everyone would have advised you to dump that scumbag long back.

As you must have noticed, when he posted about your affair everyone advised him to dump the #$&$

Like I posted in the older thread, no one would have blamed you if you had just walked away from the marriage. Instead you had an exit affair with the first guy you could find. And you went about it in a very cruel way. I am pretty sure that you don't have remorse. You have regret and guilt for having done this to him, but not remorse. You don't love him either. Your resentment for his inactions in the marriage is pretty obvious in your posts. 

Remember that you had the affair when you were unaware about his infidelities. Now that you know more about his infidelities, you are trying to match them up so as to even them out or reduce your own guilt.


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## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> The content was pretty much the same as far I can remember. Not sure what he edited out though. But I think he said he confessed these affairs to you during the initial R.
> 
> 
> Anyway your marriage is dead. You have a horrible attitude towards R. Go divorce amicably.



Weather our marriage is dead or not, i'm still unsure of. Regardless i would like to maintain a good relationship for the years to come no matter what. I don't have a horrible attitude towards R. Also I do love my husband. I forgave him for F****** a 20 yr old girl unprotected while i was pregnant and he could have exposed me and my unborn to STD's. I have financially and emotionally supported him for ten years.

And also he has little white lies trickled all throughout he old threads trying to save his face, like the fact that he hasnt gone to school OR worked for the past 2 and a half years, and that it was my student loan that didn't go through (not his because he can't get any from failing out of school, which was his job) that i was going to pay for him to also go to school with.

You have ALL read every ounce of my dirty laundry on here, and any one who has knows more about me than anyone else in my life other than my husband. I just want to know if any one remembers, don't really expect much in response. I don't know that any of it would even make a difference now, but as someone in the original thread said, how can he do anything other than be a hypocrite when he has never even faced the wrath of dealing with an exposed A. 

None of this changes what I did, it was wrong on every level, and ever level after the unimaginable. I just would like to know, time for all skeletons to come out.


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## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> See, I am not picking sides but atleast he did not lock you out of the house and have sex with other women while you are waiting outside with kids.
> 
> 'contd....


Ok, we have established that what i have done is utterly horrible and disgusting. Pick sides if thats what floats your boat, maybe in elementary school. You can leave the thread if you have nothing helpful to all to the conversation. This isn't about who is less worse. I am going to say that after reading about him having numerous A's and keeping them in the dark for so long, he has it in him to call me the serial cheater (keeping in mind i am not AT ALL excusing what i have done) but it makes me wonder what other skeletons in his closet...


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## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

lynnie21 said:


> I just would like to know, time for all skeletons to come out.


Then I think you need to ask him, rather than asking on this board.

Even if you get some of the answers you are looking for re edited posts, you will probably get different versions of the 'truth'. I've read so many posts over the past months that I probably only remember vague details of what happened to someone, or not at all. If someone edited a part of their post I probably wouldn't even notice.

Sit down with your husband, both of you lay your cards on the table and start again that way.

Best wishes

Jen


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

Try Google's cache.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

jen1020 said:


> Then I think you need to ask him, rather than asking on this board.
> 
> Even if you get some of the answers you are looking for re edited posts, you will probably get different versions of the 'truth'. I've read so many posts over the past months that I probably only remember vague details of what happened to someone, or not at all. If someone edited a part of their post I probably wouldn't even notice.
> 
> ...


jen,
i have discover that he obviously gave me TT and i just feel the need to know the complete story, over the years i gave him complete trust to go on vacations with is single friends twice to vegas, mexico twice, a few other places and out to bars with his single guys as well as staying the night away from home countless times. I have always had those thoughts in the back of my mind, but at the time i suppose, as sean said "to be blissfully ignorant" to anything that might hurt because i didn't know how i would deal with it.

One TT i know for sure that he edited is that he had sexual relations with women after the college period but before the marriage, and that he edited the years on his post from posted 3 years ago and changed it to 4.

We have had short discussions in which he is the rug sweeper role now because what i have done trumps is serial cheating history that i was/am unaware of.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

I suggest you both come clean , assuming your husband has had an affair he should be man enough to admit and tell you all . If you suspect he is TT book a polygraph.

I do have a concern for both of you. Your behaviour was appalling and it sounds like your husband may / has had his own affairs . He came to TAM and according to you he diluted his past history, if so he has behaved no better than you.

Unless you both agree to radical honesty , and agree to go forward with a clean slate including both of you implimenting boundaries with persons of the opposit sex then your marriage will not work. D as it is the only option and will save years of pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

yeah, Eli is spot on, mutual "radical honesty" is the only chance you got

keep the conflict out of it, both of you just either say it or write it down and then take some time to mull it over


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Lynn,

I wish I could remember the details from his posts. I know as a BS how important it is to have the entire truth in order to see how to move on regardless where that leads. If I recall correctly in his thread when he disclosed those facts most posters told him he could not claim the high road if he had in fact cheated as well. They told him that his best bet was either to end the marriage because too much damage had been done on both sides or both parties had to sit down and come clean about everything in order to reconcile.

The people here on TAM can be harsh at times but they are also very fair. I'm sure you know that his dalliances are not an excuse for what you did. But I also know that you need the truth in order to see a viable marriage beyond today.

It does sound like both of you are not really ready to begin the process of reconciliation that is needed to save the marriage. Sean needs IC in order to get his anger under control and for you to trust that he will not harm you in any way. You need to continue with IC to explore your feelings and why you choose to find comfort with another instead of confronting the problems you are having. Frankly the ones I feel most sorry for are your two children because they are growing up in such turmoil that it is bound to affect them down the road. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Beowulf said:


> Lynn,
> 
> I wish I could remember the details from his posts. I know as a BS how important it is to have the entire truth in order to see how to move on regardless where that leads. If I recall correctly in his thread when he disclosed those facts most posters told him he could not claim the high road if he had in fact cheated as well. They told him that his best bet was either to end the marriage because too much damage had been done on both sides or both parties had to sit down and come clean about everything in order to reconcile.
> 
> ...


Sometimes when people respond to a quote and include the quote, that text isn't edited. Any such instances in that thread?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'm hesitant in posting this but there is a possibility that the posts were archived- there's a site that archives websites on a regular basis

Internet Archive: Wayback Machine


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

AR wrote this in Sean's original thread and it still hold true today:

_wow

what a cluster fvck this turned out to be

how can you expect honesty and remorse from her when you have shown none to her?

You need to come clean on this and hope for the best, bear in mind that even though the cheating was years ago, it will be fresh to her_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I hate being right sometimes


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I hate being right sometimes


You're right most of the time. I would say all but I don't want you to get a big head.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

The continuation , another thread started by Lynn

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/44003-perfect-marriage.html#post679450
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> AR wrote this in Sean's original thread and it still hold true today:
> 
> _wow
> 
> ...


i actually re-read this about an hour or so ago, and started crying. so true. he has always used whatever i did know about his past to just blameshift to any and all of my short comming and threw them in my face

He supposedly went to a frends house last night, hasn't answed any of my calls and stayed the night there, I have to work in a few hours im hoping he a at least shows up so i dont have to take my kids to work with me, (wouldnt be the first time ) i can't stop shaking. please read my new thread i started about new findings.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/44003-perfect-marriage.html#post679460


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Tylenol PM, get some sleep before work and give your mind a chance to rest...30 hrs of being awake is no good. Forgive me if I missed it but why has he been gone this last day?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

Shamwow said:


> Tylenol PM, get some sleep before work and give your mind a chance to rest...30 hrs of being awake is no good. Forgive me if I missed it but why has he been gone this last day?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is just doing the usual, telling me he's going to go hang out with his friends, stays the night, gets drunk, and doesn't answer my calls or texts.

Sleep is no option now, the kids are up.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Divorce , it's the best option for both of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

This is pretty insane 

You both were so sh!itty to each each other

So much to overcome


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Been there and done that, as a sh!tty H with a cheating W, I can only say it can be fixed. Not by you or by him....but together the both of you can meet in the middle.

Now that it seems you are both on a even playing field.

Mabye I'm wrong, but again I'm here to tell you it can come together if you both want it.

So were to go from here, well confront him. It seems today, when he comes home, is the line in the sand.

Call in sick.
He will wait to come home, until the last minute before you go to work, so as to avoid each other. That plus no sleep 

If you go in most likely you'll cut the crap out of you hand or miss a tab and end up paying for. Now is not the time to go to work start cutting limes and loose a finger!

Call in sick and face off!


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## stedfin (Apr 14, 2012)

The only way to fix this is to stop rehashing all the screwups you both made and try to figure out who the worst offender was. Put it behind you and move forward with a clean slate.

The only way to make the divorce fast and relatively easy with low conflict is to stop going over all the screwups you both made to determine who is most at fault. Concentrate on the core issues, including custody, visitation, support, asset distribution etc.

If you get my drift, there is no point in "gaining information from old posts" or trying to get each other to confess to moral sins.

You both messed up, roughly equally, own it and move on or throw in the towel once and for all.


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

I don't know but seems your relationship was a bit of a farce from the get go. I don't know what else to say. Maybe D is the healthiest choice. Not to sound mean, but reading this story makes me feel a little bit better about my own. Hope you all the best. "Radical honesty" followed with (mutual) "radical forgiveness" and "radical committment," with a healthy dose of MC is probably all that can save you guys.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You forgot to mention the radical divorce part


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> You forgot to mention the radical divorce part


You're right Warlock. That has to be on the table as an extremely viable option right now.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Wolfgar said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I see.....


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