# A common theme



## Dominion (May 16, 2011)

Today my wife and I separated. I don't think either of us woke up this morning thinking "today our marriage ends". We actually approached the morning with a small project to work on together. The small project lead to a fight that blew up into a metaphor for our entire life together. We simply do not see things the same way. We don't communicate well. I think it's been years since we were happy as a couple. I begin to question if there was ever a time when we were whole.

I am a mass of exposed nerves. Even though I realize we have both been going through the motions for some time, I find it incredibly painful that 25 years together lead to 2 great adult children but seems to be ending in a dismal dud of a mutual agreed upon end of our marriage. No cheating or dishonesty. Just the long slow death of an emotional connection that may have never existed in the first place. 

I feel incredibly guilty but am not sure why. I seem to alternate between mourning the loss and an undirected anger. Part of me wants desperately to save us. Another thinks that would be incredibly unfair to us both. She needs passion and excitement that I am simply incapable of providing. I want things that she doesn't want as well. I'm not sure we have ever communicated well.

Today I moved out and god is it killing me even though I think it's probably the right thing.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

So sorry you are going through this. I wish you the very best.


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## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

Maybe this is what will save your marriage?

Focus on you and what you need to do to be happy with your life. Maybe you do things that end up with you harboring bad feelings about your wife? Maybe you do/or don't things that give you regret? This is a great opportunity to get under the hood and figure some stuff out. 

The net result could be you come back with a perspective that will help you not only save this marriage, but take it to a place its never been before. 

In trying to express how I felt about our marriage with my wife I explained that our marriage is like a map. You got letters across the top and numbers down the side. We've been stuck in box A1 for 10 years. Wouldn't it be great to get to YY26, let alone B2?

I wish you well on your journey.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

I think separation is a good thing if you can afford it when things have truly gone haywire.

It gives both of you a break (your own space for a while) and a chance to reflect back on how you lived your lives from the moment you met till today.

Both need to do some soul searching to see where things were going beautifully and when things started going wrong. I'm sure that both contributed to the situation as it stands today. Both need to reflect back and see where each screwed up and see if it can be amended.

You need to be extremely honest with you evaluations and stop the finger pointing. That won't solve the problem.

The saying "Parting makes the heart grow fonder" can be true if both of you still love each other. ... and if your differences can be amended, then I'm sure that you'll find a way.

However, it takes two to make it all work out. One can't do it alone.

Here's hoping for the best for both of you.


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