# did she have a threesome?



## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

I am pondering a situation that occurred with my girlfriend after had been living together for just over a year. The evidence points to the possibility of her having a threesome with her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend.
It looks on the the surface anyways that she had a threesome with them because:
1. She wanted to go out for drinks with me and them but I wasn't to fond of the other guy so I said no. This made her very mad and she was angry at me when she left.
2. She got drunk. She called me and told me she was totally drunk.
3. She stayed out all night and never came home. She called me at 230 in the morning to inform me she was going to spend the night at her best friends. The tone of her voice indicated she was still mad at me.
4. Next day she came home at noon. Her tone had changed and she was nice and sheepish, unusual for someone who normally carries anger for a long time. 
5. When we discussed the evening with her friends there was no mention of any offers of a threesome or any discussion about anything unusual. She lied by omission when talking about her night to me. I found out by accident. When her friend was over and she started talking about it and then discovered I was home. She said guess what "my friend asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend and.." when she realized I was there and went into denial mode. This led to a huge fight. 
6. She had a huge female crush on her best friend and would always talk about how beautiful she was. I later learned that they both were asking her to join them for the threesome. She always seemed to be led by this person.
7. Her best friend was planning a wedding and my gf was supposed to be the maid of honor but instead her best friend threw her out of the wedding party and ended their friendship. My thought around this is who wants to be in a wedding party with a maid of honor who slept with the bride and groom. This happened very shortly after I found out maybe two weeks later. I have done a lot of research on this topic and I have learned that apparently women who engage in threesomes with their close female friends almost always destroy the friendship.
I have discussed it with her and she strongly denies that she had a threesome and is angry when I tell her a small part of me thinks she did it. However, cheaters always lie even in the face of overwhelming evidence. The number of facts point to a very strong possibility that she did in fact have sex with them that night. I will always have some doubt in my mind about her regarding this matter even though I really want to believe her 100%. I will never be able to believe her 100%. 
I want to know if you readers think she had a threesome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It doesn't matter what we think. It matters if it affects your relationship. 

If you feel like maybe you can't trust her...then end it. Period. 

If you feel like she is lying to you.... then end it. 

If it is probably going to be a thorn in your side for the rest of your life..... then end it. 

Why stay with someone who you don't quite believe, or don't quite trust? You aren't married.... so end it. 

Ya know.... even if you are wrong, you already don't believe her.... .so it's already eating at you..... so end it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*So do you really consider her as marriage material? She has shown an affinity to spread her thighs for any gal or guy that crosses the pike!

Give her the air! You deserve far better out of life than her deception!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Trust your gut. It is most likely correct.

My opinion is based on what you wrote, which is certainly biased and leading us down a logical path. Based on that it sounds like yes she did, but I am going by the picture you painted for us. My opinion really only says I agree with your logic, but it doesn't mean she did.

You could have her take a polygraph, but that would likely end the relationship.

I think this relationship is toast. Sorry to say that, because if she didn't have the 3-some then the relationship might have overcome this problem. The fact you think it not only possible but probable she had sex with someone else is a pretty bad sign for the relationship.

I don't think you need to decide immediately whether to stay. Let it percolate for a few weeks to see what your gut says then. Then trust your gut.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Do you think your GF tried to sleep with just the BF and the friend caught her, and that is why they are no longer friends? Either that it could have been your GF that suggested the threesome and not her best friend, and her friend is not into it. If you really want to know I would ask the x- friend.

If you feel you can't trust her the best thing to do is end it, or you will always hold a grudge, snoop, question everything she does and so on it will be a miserable life for you both.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *So do you really consider her as marriage material? She has shown an affinity to spread her thighs for any gal or guy that crosses the pike!
> 
> Give her the air! You deserve far better out of life than her deception!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not even that. Do you want to be with someone who stays out all night drinking because they are mad at you?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Here's a thread for you:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/292850-does-your-wife-have-toxic-friends.html


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

I think the only reason you're still in this relationship is because you're afraid you'll never find anyone else. 

I'm betting that's the reason most people stay in terrible relationships.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

If you overheard her say "my friend asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend", then it really doesn't matter what happened after that, does it?

If she declined, and that's what ended the friendship, then that's good - HOWEVER, if that was the case, I don't see why she'd hide that from you. Know what I mean?

Regardless of the outcome of all of that, you have (or had) a girlfriend who gets drunk and stays out all night because she's mad at you, AND she has friends who apparently would ask her to join them in the bedroom, despite them knowing she has a boyfriend. And this is/was her best friend? The company one keeps says a lot about ones self.

But worst of all, the fact that she's hiding things from you (and/or lying) indicates that she's not worthy of your time. At this point, it really doesn't matter if she engaged in a threesome with them or not, does it?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

I agree with all the others who answered. You don't trust her, and for good reason. Move on.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

mmj5667 said:


> I am pondering a situation that occurred with my girlfriend after had been living together for just over a year. The evidence points to the possibility of her having a threesome with her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend.
> It looks on the the surface anyways that she had a threesome with them because:
> 1. She wanted to go out for drinks with me and them but I wasn't to fond of the other guy so I said no. This made her very mad and she was angry at me when she left.
> 2. She got drunk. She called me and told me she was totally drunk.
> ...


Living with your girlfriend is a trial run for being married to her.

She just failed the trial run. Or do you want to be married to a woman that goes out and gets drunk with another couple, is propositioned for a threesome, doesn't tell you about it, and comes home at noon the next day?

No.

So dump her.

You'll likely NEVER know what happened, so stop fixating on it. Think about what you know. And what you know is that you don't want to move forward with this one.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What exactly did you hear them say about the threesome? Who said what?


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Tough one. If they are now married and your wife is no longer friends with them, there is a chance that you can go on forever with strong evidence that she denies but no smoking gun. She'll deny everything except for a smoking gun. And she'll only ever admit what she has to. Did she deny that they asked her for a threesome after you overheard it or did she deny that she did it but acknowledged that they asked her? Either way, you need to get her complete version of the story in all detail. She owes that to you. This is then the baseline - you may find things out in the future that prove that baseline to be a lie. If she doesn't lay out a clear position on EVERYTHING that happened that night, then you have a moving target of truth. You need to know things like: who brought it up first? how did they ask? how did she respond? how did the night resume after that? where did she sleep? etc, etc, etc. Probe for details, especially where things don't quite add up. You said you got into a huge fight and it's not uncommon for the guilty party to blow up in response to avoid answering to the truth and turning the tables of guilt.

Particularly if she is telling the story to her other friends (whatever that story may be), it's likely that the truth is somewhere right around you...in an email, known by one or more friends, in a diary, etc.

The fact that she started telling her friend that her friends ASKED her to have a threesome could be an indicator that this was the main part of the story...asked and nothing else. However, it could be a sheepish way to unfold the story. E.g. rather than admit straight off to your parents that smoked pot, a kid might say that other kids at the party were smoking and they asked you and you did it. Puts more of the action on others and makes you more passive. You just agreed. Less guilty in a guilty person's mind.

good luck.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I think just what you wrote alone would be enough for me to kick her to the curb. 

Why your still with her is the real question. Even if she did not have a threesome then why did she get kicked out of the wedding for staying the night? I doubt seriously your ever going to get the truth from her so with that being said whats the point. Why waste another day with someone who cares so little for you. 

Life is to short to waste your time with people like this.

Good luck. If you stay with her your going to need it. Just her shady behavior will be enough alone to drive you crazy.

C


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Ask her ex friend what happened.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

There are no such things as coincidences. The fact that she gets de-friended right after that night she stayed over with the BFF tells me something bad happened. These two circumstances, coupled with her defiant attitude, tells me she is lying her butt off. 

I would put her in the rear-view. Pronto.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

Lostme said:


> Do you think your GF tried to sleep with just the BF and the friend caught her, and that is why they are no longer friends? Either that it could have been your GF that suggested the threesome and not her best friend, and her friend is not into it. If you really want to know I would ask the x- friend.
> 
> If you feel you can't trust her the best thing to do is end it, or you will always hold a grudge, snoop, question everything she does and so on it will be a miserable life for you both.


I don't think so...


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> What exactly did you hear them say about the threesome? Who said what?


I heard her say this to her friend when she forgot I was home:
my gf: "oh guess what? my BF and her boy friend asked me for a threesome!
her friend: "omg!!! really? did you do it?
that is the exact point I emerged from the other room and realizing I was there she turned red and had I deer in headlights look on her face. Stunned I said nothing and she then said nervously to both of us: "I bet Mike is tintilated by that" I said nothing and she new I was furious. The friend left soon after and we had a huge fight and she left crying and the issue was turned around to my Behaviour during this fight. The matter has not been discussed since.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Blameshifter... Something inappropriate happened. Too much circumstantial evidence points to that. As long as she does not come clean, there is no way forward.


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## mmcm3333 (Sep 12, 2015)

No matter what your wrote, and you wrote a lot...we can't decide this. None of us was there and we don't know her so we can't tell you anything.

The fact is, you wrote a lot and it sounds like you're questioning her and looking for justification to doubt her. If you don't trust her, that's your call.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

couple said:


> Tough one. If they are now married and your wife is no longer friends with them, there is a chance that you can go on forever with strong evidence that she denies but no smoking gun. She'll deny everything except for a smoking gun. And she'll only ever admit what she has to. Did she deny that they asked her for a threesome after you overheard it or did she deny that she did it but acknowledged that they asked her? Either way, you need to get her complete version of the story in all detail. She owes that to you. This is then the baseline - you may find things out in the future that prove that baseline to be a lie. If she doesn't lay out a clear position on EVERYTHING that happened that night, then you have a moving target of truth. You need to know things like: who brought it up first? how did they ask? how did she respond? how did the night resume after that? where did she sleep? etc, etc, etc. Probe for details, especially where things don't quite add up. You said you got into a huge fight and it's not uncommon for the guilty party to blow up in response to avoid answering to the truth and turning the tables of guilt.
> 
> Particularly if she is telling the story to her other friends (whatever that story may be), it's likely that the truth is somewhere right around you...in an email, known by one or more friends, in a diary, etc.
> 
> ...


She denied that she did it but here is the funny part. At first she only acknowledged that he asked her and lied and said her friend was just sitting and staring at him doing this. Then later on she admitted that they were both asking her. So the base line is indeed a lie. As for the rest of your questions: 
1. Who brought it up first-she was vague, but I believe it was the BF
2. She said they asked repeatedly throughout the evening. Then she went on to talk about some other guy who was also there that evening who was a former paperboy to her parents house who was an a-hole was also there-and she implied he was also hitting on her but she resisted. 
3.How did she respond? She said politely and with multiple no's.
4. How did the night resume after that? She was again vague as there appeared to be multiple no's on her part. Then she drove drunk to their place, she said her best friend went straight to the bedroom to bed and she and the BF went to get some takeout and were denied service and he punched something.
5. Where did she sleep? She said she slept on the couch in the living room.

She did admit it was wrong to stay out all night and that she would not like it if I did that. She is upset that I think she did it and when I say that I want to believe her and have to believe she didn't do it, she confuses that notion with the idea that I do believe her. Which I will never be able to do 100%. I can never prove it happened and she can never prove it didn't happen. 
I am afraid I may have played right into her hands with the fight. Whenever I bring this up it is met with a very angry response from her. I am hoping to eventually send her the link to this thread so she can see the opinions of others on this.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

mmcm3333 said:


> No matter what your wrote, and you wrote a lot...we can't decide this. None of us was there and we don't know her so we can't tell you anything.
> 
> The fact is, you wrote a lot and it sounds like you're questioning her and looking for justification to doubt her. If you don't trust her, that's your call.


Thanks for you thoughts. Like I said it is impossible to prove or disprove it. I have been made to feel like I am paranoid to have these thoughts by her and I really just wanted the opinion of others as to their thoughts based on the info I have. My question to everyone reading this is, what you would think if your significant other had done what listed above??? Maybe I am crazy...


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

A polygraph test would helP.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Ask her ex friend what happened.


This was exactly what I was going to say. Ask the best friend or boyfriend.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

mmj5667 said:


> Thanks for you thoughts. Like I said it is impossible to prove or disprove it. I have been made to feel like I am paranoid to have these thoughts by her and I really just wanted the opinion of others as to their thoughts based on the info I have. My question to everyone reading this is, what you would think if your significant other had done what listed above??? Maybe I am crazy...


I don't play. She would be gone. Odds are very high something inappropriate happened and what she confessed to would be enough for me to ditch her.

She was having a great time telling her friend about being asked until you walked in.

That attitude combined with her pathetic actions, driving drunk, going out to hang out with people scummy enough to ask her for a threesome, she admits to being alone with her friend's boyfriend, being gone all night...

It is all bvllshyt and I couldn't be with someone that stupid.

Your call though dude. You could do way better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I think there is way more than what she is telling you, and you are right in the fact that you will probably never know the whole truth. So you have to decide if you can live with that, if not move on.

If you do stay with her, then you will have to stop bringing the situation up,get over it and move on. Otherwise you will be in a miserable relationship which is not fair to you or her.

I'm still leaning toward something went on between her and the boyfriend, since she was kicked out of her best friend's wedding and lost a friendship after that night.

Whatever you decide good luck, all you can do is make the best decision for yourself.

I personally would have to move on, I do not play the stay out all night games.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> I don't play. She would be gone. Odds are very high something inappropriate happened and what she confessed to would be enough for me to ditch her.
> 
> She was having a great time telling her friend about being asked until you walked in.
> 
> ...


Couldn't really do much worse. This one is not a keeper, throw her back.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Her and the BF boyfriend had alone time to try to get takeout? There you have it. What happened on that foray is what led to her being kicked out of the wedding party.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> Her and the BF boyfriend had alone time to try to get takeout? There you have it. What happened on that foray is what led to her being kicked out of the wedding party.


That's what I was thinking. It may not have been a threesome. Just a twosome, without the fiancee. And they got busted.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

mmj5667 said:


> what you would think if your significant other had done what listed above???


I'd be like you - not able to 100% believe her. Perhaps that's a fault of us untrusting guys and ladies, but there's usually something to it. Trust your gut, in other words.

Now, like some others have said here, her behaviour is cause for concern, even if she didn't actually do anything. These are not the actions of somebody who takes your relationship seriously.

A serious relationship is literally practice for marriage. And this practice doesn't necessarily have to result in marriage to THAT person. I think too many people get caught up in long-term-relationship hell, simply because they've put in the hours with THAT person, therefore they assume that's the person they're practicing to marry.

Relationships are like jobs - you start out flipping burgers (or something similar). With more experience and education, you get better jobs, until you find one you want to stay with, hopefully until you retire. It's all about practice, experience and educating yourself as you go.

Right now, you're making $18/hr with her - enough to live on, but probably not enough to live the lifestyle you're going to want when you're 30+. Time to resign and apply for a better job, using the experience you've gained.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Here's what I think.

*Your girlfriend is not girlfriend material* (in the monogamous sense). I'm not saying she definitely had a 3-some, but it's likely. She doesn't LIVE like a monogamous woman by going out, getting drunk until wee hours, then crawling back to you.

*Your girlfriend is lying to you.* You must not be very experienced with liars because those that tell the truth and aren't ashamed of it do not have to remember convoluted, epic stories and excuses. It's very telling. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

*Your gut instinct is there for a reason.* You didn't like this other guy. Your man-sense was telling you he's bad news. Men have a very good radar when it comes to detecting BS other men pull, unless it's completely behind their backs. You also didn't like the way your gf reacted when you let on that you didn't like him. This should have set off warning flags galore. It means that she'd probably already cheated with him, even if only in an emotional sense. Women get very defensive of men they want to impress.

*You both seem young.* Consider this a lesson worth learning about women. Ones that adore you do not treat you this way. Her behavior, friends, and attitude speak for her.

You'll be fine, move on.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Satya said:


> Here's what I think.
> 
> *Your girlfriend is not girlfriend material* (in the monogamous sense). I'm not saying she definitely had a 3-some, but it's likely. She doesn't LIVE like a monogamous woman by going out, getting drunk until wee hours, then crawling back to you.
> 
> ...




THIS ^^^^^ Satya has said all there is to be said. 

Your GF is a child, an infant... Way too immature. She needs to grow up and you need to move on to a real woman.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

It is possible you are over thinking this. I had a situation years ago before I married that I was propositioned by another female, rather surprisingly, I told this to my BF who is now my husband. It took him off guard. This friend and I had been drinking too but nothing happened. Perhaps the two of you need to go out together or not go out at all if alcohol is going to be involved. Had you gone that night, you would have known what happened.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Her going out for take out with her girlfriend in bed is the startling thing. Call the girlfriend. You wont get the boy friend to admt anything. It could be she just doesnt believe they did t do anything.

If that doesnt work get the poly test if the relationship is that important to you.

Your biggest mistake is letting her go out drinking without you.

Get the two books linked to below asap.

How does she explain her best friend dropping her. Nomway she dropped her because she refused a threesome.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

I would not spend the energy on this that you have. That is why I don't like liars and $hitty people in my life. They would waste my time and energy wondering how they are playing me for a fool if I allowed them to stay in my life but I don't and this is why. I just cut $hitheads out of my life like a cancer that they are and move on. 

The most important question is "who cares?" 

She isn't worth the energy because of the long string of obvious bad choices including picking idiot friends, getting drunk, staying out all night and keeping secrets about the facts. Phuck all of it


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## kisskisa (Oct 2, 2015)

What explanation has she given you for the 'falling-out' with her best friend? One minute she was Maid of Honor next she wasn't even in the wedding party. That's HUGE for a woman. What does she say when you ask?

When she was talking to a friend 2 weeks after 'The Night' & you walked in & you heard -

"She said guess what "my friend asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend and.." when she realized I was there and went into denial mode. This led to a huge fight. 

Could it of been "have a threesome with her boyfriend and.....I was so drunk & so shocked I laughed in their faces!! She was so embarrassed....

OR Could it be "have a threesome with her boyfriend and....I was drunk, lost all inhibitions & had the best night of my life...

I think she did it!!!


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## pollyanna (Oct 2, 2015)

It has been my experience that the more 'agitated' the response to your question was, the more likely it is that she did something she doesn't want you to find out about. Her response to your question ought to have been one of calm acceptance. She knows it is something that is important to you so she should be doing everything and anything to reassure you that nothing happened. She can't do that because it did happen and she is afraid you'll dump her. Hence the obfuscation of agitation. If she is bisexual, and she is if she was in bed with another woman, then that is something you need to either accept, or divorce her. She can't change who she is, and this side of her nature will surface in other ways, possibly leading to same sex relationships behind your back - can you tolerate this? Are you sure you want to be sitting alone in the living room reading a magazine late at night, while your wife is getting her rocks off with her latest lesbian lover in your bed? That scenario wont end well if you go by many of the 'bicurious' postings that appear here from time to time.


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## kisskisa (Oct 2, 2015)

I might go the route a previous of a previous response and ask her to prove she didn't do it. It is interesting to see that the majority of responders see that the evidence here points to the likelihood of a threesome because she is always very dismissive of every fact when this is discussed.


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## pollyanna (Oct 2, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> Her going out for take out with her girlfriend in bed is the startling thing. Call the girlfriend. You wont get the boy friend to admt anything. It could be she just doesnt believe they did t do anything.
> 
> If that doesnt work get the poly test if the relationship is that important to you.
> 
> ...


OMG!!! So true, why in the hell would you want to be with someone like this? Would you want someone like this to be the mother of your children. Ive been married 23 years and if I found out my wife had done something like that, I would divorce her. Dump her ass I find a girl with some morals. She is not worth your time. You have all the answers that you need. Why don't you go to her friend and ask what happened, maybe even get her friend and her and her friends fiancé all in the same room and ask them. Be a freaking man about it and stop ***** footing around with this. If you don't then it will drive you crazy as long as you are with her.

Good Luck


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## mahbae (Oct 3, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> Her going out for take out with her girlfriend in bed is the startling thing. Call the girlfriend. You wont get the boy friend to admt anything. It could be she just doesnt believe they did t do anything.
> 
> If that doesnt work get the poly test if the relationship is that important to you.
> 
> ...


your not married? great?

if your still getting it from her and having fun together. why not keep her for now.
but you know you cant trust her now so don't think about marriage.

trust your gut instinct. there was a confession. she had all but admitted it.

this is the kind of girl men would "date" and "sleep"with but no one would want as a gf. I am sure a lot of men had a lot of fun with her but we're smart enough not to get too involved. i am willing to bet she has had lots of "dates" but you are her first real bf. She is not GF or marriage material and never will be


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

mmj5667 said:


> I have discussed it with her and she strongly denies that she had a threesome and is angry when I tell her a small part of me thinks she did it. However, cheaters always lie even in the face of overwhelming evidence.


Why did you ask her if you know cheaters always lie even in the face of overwhelming evidence?

What reasons did she give you for being kicked out of the wedding party?


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

warshaw said:


> Why did you ask her if you know cheaters always lie even in the face of overwhelming evidence?
> 
> What reasons did she give you for being kicked out of the wedding party?


I don't know why I ask her, I guess I should know better. She said her friend was selfish, self absorbed and crazy. I know not a real answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Have you asked the best friend and the boyfriend yet?


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> Have you asked the best friend and the boyfriend yet?


No, I don't have access to they moved out of town and I don't have access to their numbers. They are not on fb or any other social media.


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

mmj5667 said:


> No, I don't have access to they moved out of town and I don't have access to their numbers. They are not on fb or any other social media.


In this day and age its not that difficult to find someone and you need answers.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

mmj5667 said:


> I don't know why I ask her, I guess I should know better. She said her friend was selfish, self absorbed and crazy. I know not a real answer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like projecting to me...


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

mmj5667 said:


> No, I don't have access to they moved out of town and I don't have access to their numbers. They are not on fb or any other social media.


I'm finding this hard to believe. I may have missed it, how old are all of you?


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> I'm finding this hard to believe. I may have missed it, how old are all of you?



Spent countless hours on line searching for both. idk what to do...


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## kisskisa (Oct 2, 2015)

It's difficult to arrange a threesome but at the very least you should cheat on her to make yourself, feel better.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

mmj5667 said:


> Spent countless hours on line searching for both. idk what to do...


 Sounds like they blocked you, and probably her too.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

They may be in your wife's contact lists. Check her email, phone, and facebook (use her phone or computer to log onto fb).


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Maybe some people have different ethical/moral standards but I would never allow a threesome. To me it is cheating. I never want to bang a chick and would never want to allow another guy to bang my wife.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

nirvana said:


> Maybe some people have different ethical/moral standards but I would never allow a threesome. To me it is cheating. I never want to bang a chick and would never want to allow another guy to bang my wife.


I feel exactly the same as you and am finding this ordeal devastating.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Look MMJ - here is the bottom line:

At this stage it really doesn't matter in the final reckoning as to whether she did or didn't have a threesome. What does matter is what you already know:


1. The fact that she kept the whole subject from you but was prepared to discuss it with some friend is enough for you to know that she is not marriage material.

2. Not only did she keep this from you, she actually lied when you asked her about the evening.

3. She is your girlfriend - this is supposed to be the period you use to determine if there is anything more possible with her e.g. marriage or long term relationship. I think you already have your answer to this.

4. Staying out late, getting drunk, not coming home is not good behaviour for a potential life partner.

5. You are very, very lucky that you got to know this early in the relationship before serious damage could be done. So thank your lucky stars for this.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

mmj5667 said:


> I feel exactly the same as you and am finding this ordeal devastating.


And therein lies the unsolvable quandry you feel you are in. You can never know for sure unless someone spills the beans. If everyone denies it, you can never be sure it did not happen.

If you ask either of the others, there is a high likelihood they will lie if something did happen. You just aren't going to get a clear confession from anybody involved. Statistics show something like 6% of cheaters will admit to an affair when asked directly. While she isn't your spouse, I think the general concept is sound. She has already denied anything happened. The others are very unlikely to admit it.

Absent pictures or another person coming forth, you'll never get the truth if it did happen.

Hey, this sucks for you, and we all understand that. I think pretty much all of us believe that based on human nature and what we see in real life all the time (as well as on this forum), she had sex of some sort with somebody that night. Maybe just something with the guy, maybe a 3-some.

One of my counselors has said to me numerous times that our gut belief is good enough. We don't need CSI lab proof in order to know something. You don't have to prove to her or to me or to anyone else that you "know" she did something. If you believe it in your gut, that is good enough.

You know things about her now. You know some of the timeline of what happened. You know how that sits with you. You know how she was when she was starting to tell her friend about the 3-some, and you know how you feel about that. You don't need the certified photographs of a 3-some (or bj given to the guy in the kitchen while the girl was passed out in bed). You can make this decision based on what you do know, even if it is your gut.

If you are completely wrong but you end the relationship, it would be imperfect. Maybe if you'd stayed it would have become a fantastic marriage forever. But I bet your gut is telling you it is worried about her, and those worries are there for a reason. There is something about how she has been all the time you've known her which makes it possible for your gut to think she is quite capable of having had that 3-some. 

Her actions in the past and in this event have led you to have these concerns. She would not be blameless if you were to end the relationship yet she did not have sex with him or them that night.

If your gut is correct, you will save yourself tons of future grief over the next decades if you do leave her.

If you stay, do you judge her as solid marriage material? It seems you already distrust her.

Sometimes you have to play the odds. Sometimes you have to be selfish and look out for yourself. You've tossed no lifelines in your descriptions of her which make me think it is a good risk to stay with her.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> Look MMJ - here is the bottom line:
> 
> At this stage it really doesn't matter in the final reckoning as to whether she did or didn't have a threesome. What does matter is what you already know:
> 
> ...


Thanks for your thoughtful reply it was very useful.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Whether or not she did or didn't, whether or not she is lying or not, is not the point. 

A good, worthy partner.... someone who would be safe to consider for a possible future marriage.... would not behave the way your girlfriend is behaving. A woman who loves and respects you would move heaven and earth to make you feel safe. She is not doing anything to make you feel safe in the relationship. She is a child. You can tell because she acts like one. 

You are too young and there are way too many single women out there to choose from for you to be sticking around and subjecting yourself to this. If you do not show respect for yourself, no one else will. 

Send her packing.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Who wants to be in a relationship that when you two have a disagreement the other partner goes out, gets drunk and puts themselves in bad situations, then make bad decisions that hurt the relationship.

Go find a better partner.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If my wife ever had a threesome w/o me to knock off the rust of whatever I'm not sure I'd mind. Too late for that now, however.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> If my wife ever had a threesome w/o me to knock off the rust of whatever I'm not sure I'd mind. Too late for that now, however.


Why is it too late?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Why is it too late?


Separated w/ little to no hope of coming back from that. She stamped her foot down in the last century and declared she was done with sex forever, anyway.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

mmj5667 said:


> She said they asked repeatedly throughout the evening.





mmj5667 said:


> Then she drove drunk to their place, she said her best friend went straight to the bedroom to bed and she and the BF went to get some takeout.





mmj5667 said:


> She said she slept on the couch in the living room.


 So after this guy and his girlfriend (her best friend) repeatedly pushed her for sex throughout the night, instead of heading home after the first time that they asked, she goes out alone for food with this same horny guy, and then sleeps at their house. Sorry but that alone tells me that she does not have any boundaries, has a toxic best friend that pushes her to cheat on you, has friends that are not friends of your relationship, and shows me that she in not relationship material. Sex with them or not, you do not have to have proof of cheating to know to that she is not right for you, as she and her friends do not share the same values as you (and most people for that matter).


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

mmj5667 said:


> Then she drove drunk to their place, she said her best friend went straight to the bedroom to bed and she and the BF went to get some takeout and were denied service


 BTW, based on the best friend's boyfriend repeatedly openly asking for threesome sex with your girlfriend, his decision to let the best friend go to bed alone without him, your girlfriend's decision to go out for food alone with her best friend's boyfriend after the best friend went to bed, and them coming home without having gotten any food, the best friend would reasonably believe that the two of them had sex when they went out. In other words, stop focusing on the threesome aspect and start focusing on her having sex with this other man, threesome or not.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

TRy said:


> BTW, based on the best friend's boyfriend repeatedly openly asking for threesome sex with your girlfriend, his decision to let the best friend go to bed alone without him, your girlfriend's decision to go out for food alone with her best friend's boyfriend after the best friend went to bed, and them coming home without having gotten any food, the best friend would reasonably believe that the two of them had sex when they went out. In other words, stop focusing on the threesome aspect and start focusing on her having sex with this other man, threesome or not.


Thanks for your reply. I never really considered the possibility of her doing something with her best friend's boyfriend while the best friend was sleeping. Why did she continue the ev Ning with him? Is that why her best friend dumped her-because she was suspicious? The last two times we discussed she keeps saying " I didn't do anything wrong" not I didn't or would never cheat on you. Thanks for the input.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

mmj5667 said:


> Thanks for your reply. I never really considered the possibility of her doing something with her best friend's boyfriend while the best friend was sleeping. Why did she continue the ev Ning with him? Is that why her best friend dumped her-because she was suspicious? The last two times we discussed she keeps saying " I didn't do anything wrong" not I didn't or would never cheat on you. Thanks for the input.


She did plenty wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

mmj5667 said:


> Thanks for your reply. I never really considered the possibility of her doing something with her best friend's boyfriend while the best friend was sleeping. Why did she continue the ev Ning with him? Is that why her best friend dumped her-because she was suspicious? The last two times we discussed she keeps saying " I didn't do anything wrong" not I didn't or would never cheat on you. Thanks for the input.


Does that not raise suspicions?


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

mmj5667 said:


> Thanks for your reply. I never really considered the possibility of her doing something with her best friend's boyfriend while the best friend was sleeping. Why did she continue the ev Ning with him? Is that why her best friend dumped her-because she was suspicious? The last two times we discussed she keeps saying " I didn't do anything wrong" not I didn't or would never cheat on you. Thanks for the input.


You might get some answers (if anymore is actually needed here) from you gf best friend. She is mad at your gf for some reason.

I know you said you have lost contact with them and do not know where they are but it should not be that hard to find her.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

I will ask for a polygraph if she is concerned about what I think she will want to remove all my doubts. If not then...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

mmj5667 said:


> I will ask for a polygraph if she is concerned about what I think she will want to remove all my doubts. If not then...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're wasting your time and money on a poly. Several posters have pointed out things she did wrong not including the likely 3some which you know happened. If you don't let yourself see what your brain is telling you then we're also wasting time giving advice. Good luck.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

mmj5667 said:


> I will ask for a polygraph if she is concerned about what I think she will want to remove all my doubts. If not then...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let's say the poly comes back clean. 

You still are in a relationship with a person with boundary issues and poor judgement. 

Don't bother. Dump her. 

Let her learn that lesson the hard way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

marduk said:


> Let's say the poly comes back clean.
> 
> You still are in a relationship with a person with boundary issues and poor judgement.
> 
> ...


But there is food for mmj to feed his 'rationalization hamster with. His GF has learned that having a threesome is complicated and can destroy friendships. So his gf will probably not have any more threesomes :toast:.

On the flip side though, her rationalization hamster is telling her that her and mmj's relationship must not be all that great else she wouldn't have done it. She's probably blaming him in some way for her losing her friend and certainly she's rationalizing that he must not have made her love him enough to keep her from doing it. That's how the mind works .


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