# Where do I begin - Divorce



## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Hi. I need to go see a divorce attorney. I am scared. I don't want to hurt my husband, but I've been so honest with him. Even so, I know he will behave as if he is so surprised...I know he will feel that way. Probably because I've stayed even after saying how I have felt. I'm so freaked out about where do we both live and selling the house and him being mad and I'm pretty sure eventually hating me. I'm 46 and have a 15yo and a 7yo. I feel bad for my 7yo because he's had a better relationship with his dad than my 15yo. Both are biologically his children. He has problems and I know he needs to see an individual counselor. I know it but I can't make him. I have so much stuff; board games, pictures, memories from kiddos since birth what do I do? I don't want it destroyed. I don't know if he'd do that but you never know. My dad did it to hurt my mom. 

So much to think about. Just venting I guess.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You don't have to immediately tell your husband that you spoke to a lawyer, especially if he is an emotionally abusive drunk. You would be smart to start the process and figure some things out before talking to him. The lawyer can advise you on what steps you need to take. Ask the lawyer about finances, how things are typical split, how custody usually looks, start thinking about where you might live, etc.

Also, your kid's relationships with their dad don't end just because you're getting divorced, as long as he wants to keep seeing them.

I would advise you to take any special items out of the house before telling your husband about the divorce. If you have family around, leave a box with them. If you don't have family, you could leave stuff in your car (if he doesn't use it) or you could rent a small storage unit/locker. Don't take the board games... those are replaceable. Take the things that are irreplaceable. If it is old baby things that are stored, your husband probably won't notice. If they are pictures on the wall, replace them with other ones that you can just reprint later. It will at least take one worry off your mind.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

bobert said:


> You don't have to immediately tell your husband that you spoke to a lawyer, especially if he is an emotionally abusive drunk. You would be smart to start the process and figure some things out before talking to him. The lawyer can advise you on what steps you need to take. Ask the lawyer about finances, how things are typical split, how custody usually looks, start thinking about where you might live, etc.
> 
> Also, your kid's relationships with their dad don't end just because you're getting divorced, as long as he wants to keep seeing them.
> 
> I would advise you to take any special items out of the house before telling your husband about the divorce. If you have family around, leave a box with them. If you don't have family, you could leave stuff in your car (if he doesn't use it) or you could rent a small storage unit/locker. Don't take the board games... those are replaceable. Take the things that are irreplaceable. If it is old baby things that are stored, your husband probably won't notice. If they are pictures on the wall, replace them with other ones that you can just reprint later. It will at least take one worry off your mind.


This is such good advice, thank you.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

I would not move out of the house. That's the #1 mistake most people make. Is your husband level headed enough that you can have a talk with him and tell him you want to separate? Sure your goal is divorce, but don't mention that. Soften the blow with talk of a separation. It usually makes the process easier. Then go see a lawyer. 

I don't know your financial situation, but usually with younger children, it's best for the Mom to stay in the house. Your husband may agree to that. Again, talk to him...tell him your concerns, plans and who knows, maybe he will start working on himself to become the man you once loved. You have to be separated in most states for a year anyway.


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