# Seeking for advice! Husband cheating on me. Please Help :(



## JollyJoy (Mar 6, 2012)

Hi! It will be a long story if I want to tell all the details but I will try to make it short. I just did the registration of marriage with my boyfriend of 5 years in last year Oct and the wedding ceremony will be carried out end of this year. We have been staying together for few years since I moved out from home. Our relationships consider ok, when we are not arguing for anything actually we are very loving together. Lately the issues that got us into fighting were something that I found out after checking on him, I know I'm not supposed to check on him but I can't help it. One incident after another, I really don't know how to trust him. I check on his internet browsing history, his phone calls and sms... I do it without his knowledge but when I found out something not right, in the end I still can't help it to confront him and ended with huge fight. Maybe I should explain what I found out after checking on him, he visited porn sites everyday when I'm not around, for me he seems like addicted to it but after thinking for a while, I tell myself it should be normal for guys to watch porn so I gave in and didn't question him for this. As time goes by, I found that he has been crossing the border, he started to visit the wh**e site everyday, there was one time he came back from outstation job, I found that he saved this wh**e booking phone number in his phone, I was really shock. I think this is a serious issue for my bf (when I discovered this we haven't registered) to do this kind of abnormal thing. In the end I confronted him, the excuses he gave me was he saved the number didn't mean he will call for wh**e, he said in case his friends ask him whether he has this kind of contact and he can give them. WTF he is thinking? And I was stupid enough to accept this kind of lame excuses. I didn't even have the courage to question him until I get the answer. I'm too fragile that's why he has been taking advantage on me coz he knows I will never win whenever we fight, he will twist the whole thing become my problem like not trusting him so in the end become my fault for bringing up the fight. He even used not to register for marriage to threaten me whenever we argued.

Yesterday what I found out was really the saddest thing in my life. I checked through the phone bill and found that he has been calling the wh**e booking number. I really feel like it's the end of the world, I couldn't believe what I saw, couldn't believe all these while he has been telling me he won't cheat on me but he still did it and broke all the promises and trust that I have for him. Until now I still can't believe that my husband will visit prostitute. Then today another shocking finding is I also found he already started to call the wh**e booking number in November last year which means he has been cheating on me since last year one month after we register. My heart is totally broken. I love him with all my heart but this is what I get in return. Oh ya, I forgot to mention that he is in outstation for 2 days, that's why I have the time to check. He will be coming back tomorrow and I really don't know how to face him. I really don't know what to do now, should I confront him again? I'm not good in expressing my feeling so most the time I ruined the conversation without solving the problems.

After finding out all this issue, so many things come into my mind like should I give him another chance to be honest to me? Should I forgive him and move on with him (actually I have been forgiving him once after another time)? Or should I get divorced with him to end my suffer. I have no one to ask, is there anybody out there can give some comments? Thanks a lot.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

First of, get an annulment. You simply cannot stay married to a man who has been cheating behind your back before and after the marriage and has destroyed your trust in him. Marriages that start this way, often continue being subjected to infidelity by the cheating spouse. I know it is not what you want hear but it is the truth.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

And you might want to go and get checked out by your physician just to be sure that he hasn't passed along something to you. Once that is done, then it's time to see a good reputable attorney who can advise you on the annulment route and if it would still apply in your jurisdiction. It appears that there is the absence of a bonafide marriage, but your living together could be construed as common-law marriage contingent upon what your state law might actually dictate. If not, then all you'll really need to do is to pack and leave.

In any event, it is high time that you extricated yourself from that particular situation. After all, with his track record, things have the marked potential to only get worse and not better with the likes of him. And move out of there as quickly as possible! Best of luck to you!


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## JollyJoy (Mar 6, 2012)

Thanks for the reply. Actually deep down my heart I still hoping I can save this marriage, maybe I'm trying to live in denial again. I'm really too heart broken and disappointed. I just wish my pain can end soon, it's really unbearable .


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

JollyJoy said:


> Thanks for the reply. Actually deep down my heart I still hoping I can save this marriage, maybe I'm trying to live in denial again. I'm really too heart broken and disappointed. I just wish my pain can end soon, it's really unbearable .


What exactly do you think you're saving? Your marriage that you thought you had was based on lies and deceit. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

He's looking for working girls and you guys are barely married. This should be the time you guys are bagning like bunnies.

You deserve better.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*Lately the issues that got us into fighting were something that I found out after checking on him, I know I'm not supposed to check on him but I can't help it.* 
Really, you are in a relationship and you know you are not suppose to check on him. WTH. In the military we do background checks for security clearances on soldiers and we go back ten years or more. In ministry candidates are given psychological tests, background checks ect. to make sure they can be pastors. I have been randomly tested for drug use in the military and cvilian job. You are about to marry this guy and you feel what, guilty, about checking on him and yet you found what you hope you would not find.

Sweety, leave this guy now.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

I am sorry that you are here and going through this. My personal opinion is that this relationship sounds doomed for failure. You haven't been together very long in the grand scheme of things, and you should both be spending quality time planning your wedding, not dealing with issues over prostitutes. I would worry about saving yourself, your sanity, self-respect and your health.

If you have any family or close friends I would go stay with them and leave a copy of the phone log with the calls highlighted for him to see. Don't feel sorry for checking up on him, someone who has nothing to hide, hides nothing, and he obviously has a lot to hide! Be strong, respect yourself, because a man acting like this isn't respecting you.

When I was young and planning my wedding, (many, many years ago) my fiancée and I were having an argument, during which he told me that if he had his first choice he would have been with another woman, not me, someone he had a ONS and casual friendship with, because she was "gorgeous". He apologized after, but guess what, things like that continued. 25 years later, after years of verbal and emotional abuse, some physical abuse, numerous EA's, some PA's, four children, and abandoning me after surgery and recovering from pneumonia so he could go play baseball, I divorced him. Honey this is a neon red flashing Vegas style sign that he is not marriage material. Please, please think ahead 20 years, what do you think your M will look like if he's behaving like this when it's supposed to be a happy time planning a wedding?


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

leave cheating is cheating


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