# Best Friends



## Sheld (Mar 21, 2018)

Hi everyone hopefully someone can shed some light on this for me or even help how to move forward, my wife an I been friends for about 13 years and been together for 7 and married for close to 1 year now, we have gone through some rocky times and always have come out the other side, But she said on Sunday that things feel different and it’s like we are best friends living together what does this mean and how do we get back to how it was or atleast move forward from this. I’m just so confused. 

Thanks again


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It means exactly as you'd expect; you got friend zoned.

Next thing she says may be "I love you but not in love with you".


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Make sure you work on the marriage, Go on a marriage course, a marriage enrichment weekend, date nights, take up a hobby together etc.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

What it means is you two get along great but there's no sexual chemistry, she's telling you she isn't satisfied. Comments like that can be mean she's concerned and feels the marriage needs work or she's already got one foot out the door and is breaking it to you slowly. You should start by asking her exactly what she means and how it can be fixed.


----------



## Sheld (Mar 21, 2018)

Thank you there is a lot of sexual chemistry An hasn’t been an issue it’s just really odd as it came from no where without any signs. We have a good and privileged life full of love an care, just not too sure how to talk to her about it all


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Sheld said:


> Thank you there is a lot of sexual chemistry An hasn’t been an issue it’s just really odd as it came from no where without any signs. We have a good and privileged life full of love an care, just not too sure how to talk to her about it all


You need to investigate to rule out cheating. See the link in my signature.


----------



## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

Cooper said:


> or she's already got one foot out the door and is breaking it to you slowly. You should start by asking her exactly what she means and how it can be fixed.


Or, it means another man may have a foot inside of her and he is giving it to her slowly and she loves it......


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sheld said:


> Thank you there is a lot of sexual chemistry An hasn’t been an issue it’s just really odd as it came from no where without any signs. We have a good and privileged life full of love an care, just not too sure how to talk to her about it all


That doesn't make sense then. If there is a lot of sexual chemistry, then why would she say she feels like you two are best friends living together? Best friends don't usually have hot sex together. It doesn't add up.


----------



## Just another (Feb 21, 2018)

I would go with start going out on dates with her. Its very easy to get stuck in a rut.


----------



## Sheld (Mar 21, 2018)

Exactly my point it doesn’t make sense at all, our sex life is sometimes not consistent doesn’t help with a I’ll 3 year old but I just can’t get my head around it all, I know there isn’t anyone else as we are both open and trusting an got nothing to hide, we go on dates we do things and always go on a few holidays a year just really confused by it all


----------



## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

Sheld said:


> I know there isn’t anyone else as we are both open and trusting an got nothing to hide, we go on dates we do things and always go on a few holidays a year just really confused by it all


Do you know how many men have came here and said the exact same thing only to find their significant had, was in, or was just beginning to have an affair?
Please pay very close attention to what's going on here. I hope your not going to be the deer in the headlights in all of this.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Um Excuse Me said:


> Or, it *means another man may have a foot inside of he*r and he is giving it to her slowly and she loves it......


I see what you did there.

But this is a good start point.

What other person has caught her fancy

1) You need a sit down to discuss what's going on and why she feels this way.
2) Open eyes and ears and shut your mouth. Look. Listen. Investigate.
3) *DO NOT BLINDLY STATE *"I know there isn't anyone else because XYZ...". You need to trust, but *VALIDATE*


----------



## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

While it could be something nefarious, perhaps she just wants you to make her feel extra special. Being best friends is cool. But being best friends with your WIFE is cooler. Make sure she knows there is a difference.


----------



## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Check your phone bill


----------



## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

The way you are feeling right now is exactly what she intended. 

A little more about the rocky times, please. What are the sources of frustration in the marriage?


----------



## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

How is the emotional intimacy? 

Does she feel she can talk to you?


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Sheld said:


> Exactly my point it doesn’t make sense at all, our sex life is sometimes not consistent doesn’t help with a I’ll 3 year old but I just can’t get my head around it all, *I foolishly blindly trust there isn’t anyone else as I am open and trusting an got nothing to hide and project that same attitude on her*, we go on dates we do things and always go on a few holidays a year just really confused by it all


There you go, fixed it for you.


----------



## Sheld (Mar 21, 2018)

The rocky times was when our little one was born she went through depression an basically pushed me away with her trying to deal with it herself but I still stood by her side and went through it all to come out the other side, yeah we talk deeply in what we both want an how we feel and that we do want to start trying for another baby this year, we both got stressful jobs and when she gets home she is shattered and usually it ends up with her cuddling on to me. But after the fallout on Sunday she been distant from me and hasn’t got anything to say I’ve asked her if there is someone else she says no and swears on her heart so I need to respect that. As goes for the phone bill nothing is out of the ordinary or anything I just get the feeling she thinks we are friends living together but I don’t get that at all from the relationship to me we are a couple with a great friendship and that was how we started 13years ago


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

What she's said is pretty open-ended and we aren't going to be able to flesh it out as well as she can. Ask her to go to MC w/ you. Don't be a tyrant about it, but point out that you have a lot at stake together and this is a huge thing for you and even if she is just your "best friend", she ought to do it for you.

At least in the beginning, try to understand and hear her out. Once you get angry or confrontational, it shuts down and there's no going back.


----------



## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

commit to having sex every day for a month. Give up the cell phones and laptops when you get in the house. If there are no kids, make dinner naked. It will feel forced at first, but it just might do the trick.


----------



## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

In every marriage there are really two parallel marriages going on at the same time. You think there's a lot of sexual chemistry, but you wouldn't be the first guy to realize your wife's perception of your marriage is very different than your own. Sometimes they realize this too late. It's good to have some honest conversations to find how you are experiencing the marriage differently and try to bridge the gap. Marriage counseling can help with this too.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Sheld said:


> The rocky times was when our little one was born she went through depression an basically pushed me away with her trying to deal with it herself but I still stood by her side and went through it all to come out the other side, yeah we talk deeply in what we both want an how we feel *and that we do want to start trying for another baby this year,* we both got stressful jobs and when she gets home she is shattered and usually it ends up with her cuddling on to me. But after the fallout on Sunday she been distant from me and hasn’t got anything to say I’ve asked her if there is someone else she says no and swears on her heart so I need to respect that. As goes for the phone bill nothing is out of the ordinary or anything I just get the feeling she thinks we are friends living together but I don’t get that at all from the relationship to me we are a couple with a great friendship and that was how we started 13years ago


 Put this on hold until you have your "friends not a couple" issue sorted out. Another child will only exacerbate the situation, as that could be the culprit of the situation in the first place. your first child could have put her in Mommy mode and you in Daddy mode, with NO husband/wife mode.

The other serious possibility is an affair. Thousands of stories have started this exact same way and ended with her being in an emotional and/or physical affair. No one ever thinks their spouse would do that, but do you seriously think she will give you an honest "yes" answer to the question of "Is there someone else?" ? If she is in an affair she will only admit to what you already know.
Try to talk this out with her to find out what needs to be done to get things back on track, but if her solutions are a rewrite of history, and not how things actually were you can place good odds on her being in an affair. She would be making you the villain to justify her violation of her marital vows. 

Either way be vigilant. 'Trust but verify'.


----------



## Sheld (Mar 21, 2018)

So what sort of questions would I ask without get all fired up last thing I want to do is upset an push her away


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Sheld said:


> So what sort of questions would I ask without get all fired up last thing I want to do is upset an push her away


 You need to ask her to clarify her "_like we are best friends living together_" statement, and ask what she thinks needs to happen to fix the problem. 
If the answers blameshift everything on to you, then she is likely re-writing history to justify her actions and is looking for a way out.
If she gets 'all fired up' about trying to fix your marriage, then I'd venture you have your answer and it's likely over. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you're worried will get pissed when you state your feelings or problems?


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sheld said:


> Hi everyone hopefully someone can shed some light on this for me or even help how to move forward, my wife an I been friends for about 13 years and been together for 7 and married for close to 1 year now, we have gone through some rocky times and always have come out the other side, But she said on Sunday that things feel different and it’s like we are best friends living together what does this mean and how do we get back to how it was or atleast move forward from this. I’m just so confused.
> 
> Thanks again


Means you have to start seducing her. She doesn't just want a friend she wants a lover. Or she is having an affair. Check you phone.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Have you lost you edge? Do you cater to her and she gets her way most times?

Start working on yourself. Exercise go out with your friends. Start a new hobby or busniness have desire to live life with gusto. Take some chances.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Don't have anymore kids until you get this figured out. You'll be sorry if you don't.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sheld said:


> The rocky times was when our little one was born she went through depression an basically pushed me away with her trying to deal with it herself but I still stood by her side and went through it all to come out the other side, yeah we talk deeply in what we both want an how we feel and that we do want to start trying for another baby this year, we both got stressful jobs and when she gets home she is shattered and usually it ends up with her cuddling on to me. But after the fallout on *Sunday she been distant from me and hasn’t got anything to say I’ve asked her if there is someone else she says no and swears on her heart so I need to respect that.* As goes for the phone bill nothing is out of the ordinary or anything I just get the feeling she thinks we are friends living together but I don’t get that at all from the relationship to me we are a couple with a great friendship and that was how we started 13years ago


Not saying she is but all cheaters lie like hell. They'll swear on their kids lives and dead parents graves. Very typical.

Eyes and ears open.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Sheld said:


> So what sort of questions would I ask without get all fired up last thing I want to do is upset an push her away


Why are you afraid of your wife?


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

She's cheating. Bet a it.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Are you sure the sexual chemistry is TWO-SIDED? In other words, you may think the sex is great, but she may not.

You need her to provide a translation for her very vague comment.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Sheld said:


> So what sort of questions would I ask without get all fired up last thing I want to do is upset an push her away


Then you've already lost.

You're both adults, time to start acting like one.

She came to you and made a statement. That statement is a very very big deal which has now been followed by silent treatment from her and you running for the hills because you're scared.

Sit her down and ask her what this is all about because the answers "Nothing or I don't know simply won't cut it"

You don't get up from that talk until you have a clear idea of what the hell she's going on about. When you have a clear idea of what the issue is then you can solve it.

If a woman comes to her man and says you're just like my friend, surely you press her until you find out what the heck she's on about.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Sheld said:


> The rocky times was when our little one was born she went through depression an basically pushed me away with her trying to deal with it herself but I still stood by her side and went through it all to come out the other side, yeah we talk deeply in what we both want an how we feel and that we do want to start trying for another baby this year, we both got stressful jobs and when she gets home she is shattered and usually it ends up with her cuddling on to me. But after the fallout on Sunday she been distant from me and hasn’t got anything to say I’ve asked her if there is someone else she says no and swears on her heart so I need to respect that. As goes for the phone bill nothing is out of the ordinary or anything I just get the feeling she thinks we are friends living together but I don’t get that at all from the relationship to me we are a couple with a great friendship and that was how we started 13years ago


My friend from high school got married one day. 

Six months later she told him she loves him like a brother and divorced him. 

Better pull you head back together and figure this out.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Sheld said:


> So what sort of questions would I ask without get all fired up last thing I want to do is upset an push her away


The last thing you want to do is be a weak fool. 

Stand up for your right to know what is going on.


----------

