# Intefering Sister in law and more



## confusedmother (Jun 24, 2014)

My husband and I have been together 11 years. I have a 13yr old, which he has raised as his own since he was 2. We have a 10 year old and twins that are 5. His sister has always interfered and caused problems. She ruined both of my baby showers by showing up drunk. She has always had a problem with me. But 3 1/2 years ago we moved closer to his family so they could get closer to the kids too. Needless to say they seen my kids less. Then she only wanted to invite our 10yr old places or to stay. She had many excuses of why she didnt invite my oldest and the twins. But I wasnt standing for it. I have not spoke to her in a year because of it and forbid any of my kids to go anywhere. My husband will not stand up for me. She told everybody in the town we moved to I was the "*****" that trapped her brother. After many other issues too. He would not let me control finances & budget to try to get things straightened out instead of living in stress of shut off notices and having no money. I thought was a mutual decision to separate and I moved back to my hometown with our kids 3 hours away. Thinking we could fix our issues and he could move here. I am refusing to move back near his family because he does not stand up for me and they have no respect for me or my kids. We werent separated a week and my sister in law set him up at a bar with her friend. I KNOW HE IS A BIG BOY AND ITS HIS FAULT TOO. but really! She is always interfering. Before I quit speaking to her a year ago, she never talked to him. Now she thinks she needs to everyday. Its always been drama with her and things I didn't agree with 4 years ago were wrong and he never stood up for me. Now since she is "grown up", stopped drinking, she is worse. She has started drinking again. But I have completely refused to talk to her. She hurt my kids feelings and cuz I stood up for my kids & myself nobody in his family shows me any respect. I am confused and not sure if its even worth trying to fix. The past few years I've developed so much resentment and angry over the way he kisses her ass and doesnt stand up for me. He does work and is a very involved daddy. But he doesnt think he needs to stand up for me. Not to mention all the added stress from bills just not being paid, money is there if it was budgeted, he just doesn't think they are a priority. I feel if he wants to work on anything he needs to move where I did. 3 hours away from his family. Please help I really need feedback. What people on the outside think!


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

It sounds like you're much better off without any involvement with your husband's family. Unfortunately, I think that might include your husband, too. 

It seems like the only chance you two might have would be to get him to move to where you're living now so there is again some distance with his family.

As far as your lovely sister-in-law and her setting up your husband with a friend, in my opinion that's on your husband. A simple "No thanks" would have done it, but it doesn't look like he's got much of a spine, does he?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

If he won't stand up for you, then he needs to step out of your way and respect your wishes that she is not to be involved with any of your children or with you.

You also need to think about your relationship with your spouse, and how to fix your issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedmother (Jun 24, 2014)

Lloyd Dobler said:


> It sounds like you're much better off without any involvement with your husband's family. Unfortunately, I think that might include your husband, too.
> 
> It seems like the only chance you two might have would be to get him to move to where you're living now so there is again some distance with his family.
> 
> As far as your lovely sister-in-law and her setting up your husband with a friend, in my opinion that's on your husband. A simple "No thanks" would have done it, but it doesn't look like he's got much of a spine, does he?



Thank you. I agree. He does not know how to say no to his sister. It has been an argument with him for awhile. I have moved my kids and myself back to where I grew up. We all lived here until 3 1/2 years ago. I am just not sure how to get him to see living near his family will definitely cause our relationship to end in divorce. It maybe too late and may already end that way. I have told him I am not moving back and there is really no need to try and work on things until he learns how to pay bills first, stand up for me and grow up. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your problem starts and ends with your husband.


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## confusedmother (Jun 24, 2014)

Hicks said:


> Your problem starts and ends with your husband.


There is no way I could live close to his family again. None of them show me any respect because I stand up for me & my kids. Last August was the first time in 11 years I didnt get a bday card from my FIL. Not that I care about the card. But after I let my SIL know I wasnt going to allow her to favor one of my kids over the other 3, most of my husbands family started giving me the cold shoulder and I feel very uncomfortable around them all. I dont expect anybody to take all 4 at once, but only inviting 1 of them to stay the night or go places all the time isnt right. When my 5 year old asked "why I dont get to go", I put my foot down and wouldnt allow any of them to go with her. So my MIL & FIL felt I was wrong and pretty much quit speaking to me. I have only been around my inlaws on holidays or bdays since then. 

And now because of my SIL, all my husband & I do is agrue. He wont stand up to her and kisses her butt all the time. He lets her completely disrespect me and my kids. Which are her nieces & nephew's. 

I am so confused. July 4th will be our 11 year anniversary and it really depresses me we wont be together. My husband decided to go to a concert with her & his younger brother and it ended up being a complete mess and argument again because she cant grow up. Somehow her bag was "stolen" and they ended up having to get a ride from a stranger to a place his dad could get them. And not that it effected me, he just won't tell her the truth how he feels. I was at the emergency room with my son because he fell and broke his arm at the same time my husband was at this concert and he wasnt able to be there with us. When my sister sent my SIL a text saying we needed to get a hold of him, it was an emergency. She responded "I dont know what to tell ya, I havent seen him". So I know 100% she would lie for him and encourage him to cheat. 

How do I get my husband to see what he is doing is wrong? 
I was raised your spouse & kids come first. You have their back 100%, even if they are wrong you dont let anybody disrespect them. 

I dont know how to let the anger I have towards her go. It makes me mad everytime I know he even talks to her at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedmother (Jun 24, 2014)

confusedmother said:


> Thank you. I agree. He does not know how to say no to his sister. It has been an argument with him for awhile. I have moved my kids and myself back to where I grew up. We all lived here until 3 1/2 years ago. I am just not sure how to get him to see living near his family will definitely cause our relationship to end in divorce. It maybe too late and may already end that way. I have told him I am not moving back and there is really no need to try and work on things until he learns how to pay bills first, stand up for me and grow up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There is no way I could live close to his family again. None of them show me any respect because I stand up for me & my kids. Last August was the first time in 11 years I didnt get a bday card from my FIL. Not that I care about the card. But after I let my SIL know I wasnt going to allow her to favor one of my kids over the other 3, most of my husbands family started giving me the cold shoulder and I feel very uncomfortable around them all. I dont expect anybody to take all 4 at once, but only inviting 1 of them to stay the night or go places all the time isnt right. When my 5 year old asked "why I dont get to go", I put my foot down and wouldnt allow any of them to go with her. So my MIL & FIL felt I was wrong and pretty much quit speaking to me. I have only been around my inlaws on holidays or bdays since then. 

And now because of my SIL, all my husband & I do is agrue. He wont stand up to her and kisses her butt all the time. He lets her completely disrespect me and my kids. Which are her nieces & nephew's. 

I am so confused. July 4th will be our 11 year anniversary and it really depresses me we wont be together. My husband decided to go to a concert with her & his younger brother and it ended up being a complete mess and argument again because she cant grow up. Somehow her bag was "stolen" and they ended up having to get a ride from a stranger to a place his dad could get them. And not that it effected me, he just won't tell her the truth how he feels. I was at the emergency room with my son because he fell and broke his arm at the same time my husband was at this concert and he wasnt able to be there with us. When my sister sent my SIL a text saying we needed to get a hold of him, it was an emergency. She responded "I dont know what to tell ya, I havent seen him". So I know 100% she would lie for him and encourage him to cheat. 

How do I get my husband to see what he is doing is wrong? 
I was raised your spouse & kids come first. You have their back 100%, even if they are wrong you dont let anybody disrespect them. 

I dont know how to let the anger I have towards her go. It makes me mad everytime I know he even talks to her at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedmother (Jun 24, 2014)

Lloyd Dobler said:


> It sounds like you're much better off without any involvement with your husband's family. Unfortunately, I think that might include your husband, too.
> 
> It seems like the only chance you two might have would be to get him to move to where you're living now so there is again some distance with his family.
> 
> As far as your lovely sister-in-law and her setting up your husband with a friend, in my opinion that's on your husband. A simple "No thanks" would have done it, but it doesn't look like he's got much of a spine, does he?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedmother (Jun 24, 2014)

mablenc said:


> If he won't stand up for you, then he needs to step out of your way and respect your wishes that she is not to be involved with any of your children or with you.
> 
> You also need to think about your relationship with your spouse, and how to fix your issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There is no way I could live close to his family again. None of them show me any respect because I stand up for me & my kids. Last August was the first time in 11 years I didnt get a bday card from my FIL. Not that I care about the card. But after I let my SIL know I wasnt going to allow her to favor one of my kids over the other 3, most of my husbands family started giving me the cold shoulder and I feel very uncomfortable around them all. I dont expect anybody to take all 4 at once, but only inviting 1 of them to stay the night or go places all the time isnt right. When my 5 year old asked "why I dont get to go", I put my foot down and wouldnt allow any of them to go with her. So my MIL & FIL felt I was wrong and pretty much quit speaking to me. I have only been around my inlaws on holidays or bdays since then. 

And now because of my SIL, all my husband & I do is agrue. He wont stand up to her and kisses her butt all the time. He lets her completely disrespect me and my kids. Which are her nieces & nephew's. 

I am so confused. July 4th will be our 11 year anniversary and it really depresses me we wont be together. My husband decided to go to a concert with her & his younger brother and it ended up being a complete mess and argument again because she cant grow up. Somehow her bag was "stolen" and they ended up having to get a ride from a stranger to a place his dad could get them. And not that it effected me, he just won't tell her the truth how he feels. I was at the emergency room with my son because he fell and broke his arm at the same time my husband was at this concert and he wasnt able to be there with us. When my sister sent my SIL a text saying we needed to get a hold of him, it was an emergency. She responded "I dont know what to tell ya, I havent seen him". So I know 100% she would lie for him and encourage him to cheat. 

How do I get my husband to see what he is doing is wrong? 
I was raised your spouse & kids come first. You have their back 100%, even if they are wrong you dont let anybody disrespect them. 

I dont know how to let the anger I have towards her go. It makes me mad everytime I know he even talks to her at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You have bigger problems right now than to get your husband to prioritize his family. He seems to be cheating on you. 

You need to read this thread, and do the 180:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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