# Addiction? Emotional Affair or Best Friends?



## CrushedWife (Feb 8, 2018)

Sorry this is long.

My husband & I have been married 22 years, together 24, we have a 12 year old high functioning autistic son. My husband is 48 years old, I believe he had a midlife crisis at age 47. Lost weight, dressed & acted differently. His personality literally changed overnight. He became very distant, cold. He was diagnosed with severe depression & ADHD & refuses to take meds because of the side effects. He quit his job. Just wasn't there & didn't care about anything. He met a guy that has became his best friend. His friend was laid off from his job & they became literally inseparable (still are,) texting 150-200 times a day, talking on the phone 10-12 times a day. They are in constant communication with each other. They spent/spend every day together, go to the lake alone for 4-5 days at a time every other weekend. This friend is married. We have separated because of fighting so much about their relationship. We have been separated 16 months. My husband says that after our son was born, he felt neglected. Our son was born with severe sensory issues, gag reflex & didn't eat solid food until he was 7 years old. I seriously had my hands full with him & taking care of everything in the house. I admit that I was overwhelmed but got no help from him at all. He was always "tired" because he had worked all day, I was home all day yes, but did I not do anything? I busted my butt being a stay at home Mom. Maybe if he had helped me some, I would've had a little extra time for him. A Mommy is 24/7 not 9-5. I don't feel as if I acted any different towards him after our son was born, he never acted like it or said anything until he met this guy. Now, he has opened a new business & my husband has hired this friend who has zero experience as his general manager, they work 10 hours a day together & this really shocked me...my husband drives 20 mins out of his way everyday to pick this friend up at his house & they ride back & forth to work together everyday. They work the same shift & same days, they are constantly together if they're not working. I have caught him in countless lies about where he is. He is with his friend & says he's not. I feel like he has picked his friend over me & our marriage. We constantly fight over the lack of time spent together as a couple. In the past 16 months, we have probably spent a total of 10 hours together. When we are together, things are fine but we end up fighting because he & his friend text non stop while we're together. He has put zero effort into repairing our marriage because he is so "angry," & can't or won't forgive things that were said during arguments. He says that his friend is easier to be with than me, he's no fighting, no responsibilities, etc. I told him that if he treated me as good as his friend, we wouldn't have problems. My husband has always been his own boss & no one ever disagrees with him except me. I never did until 2 years ago when he went from being an excellent husband & Daddy to being the most arrogant, coldest, selfish person I know & I said something to him about his behavior. His anger & temper is unbelievable. I can't do anything right, all I want is time from him. He screams at me & calls me names over the slightest thing. The only person that matters to him is his friend I think. We go a month or 2 without seeing him & that's only because I stop by our business to say hi. He even got a burner phone so I can't see how often they communicate now. Neither one of them see anything wrong with their friendship, they are best friends. Something that a wife can't be. I disagree. My husband says that his friend is a small symptom of our problem. I disagree, we can't do anything without this guy in our face. He won't go to counseling with me because he says that he always has to defend himself. Gee, I wonder why? We were the couple that everyone envied for 20 years, worked together, lived together, did everything together. We were best friends up until 2 years ago. Something changed in him. I am still very much in love with him. We have grown so far apart because we haven't spent any time together in the past 2 years. I don't want a divorce but am feeling like things aren't going to change. I just want my husband & my marriage back. I feel betrayed & deeply hurt. The rejection & feeling not good enough is about more than I can take. Am I wrong for being jealous? Any suggestions as to what to do? I feel like he is addicted to this friend. Thanks.


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