# Separation...need man's point of view



## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

My story starts 2 years ago.

First a description of my family. We have been married 9 years and have 2 sons. He is in the military and his current job takes him away for 8 months out of the year. We have done this for the last 4 years with another 4 ahead of us.

Two years ago I discovered my husband having an affair. I called him when he was with her and he admitted it. Once he returned back from his trip we talked and he went to see a therapist with me a few times. I figured that I had a handle on his infidelty, but really it manifested me into a suspcious wife. So for the last 2 years, I checked his email and phone as he let me at first to reassure me. Then it changed and he started talking outside, deleting things on his phone etc. he said because he didnt want to argue...Now I kept a journal and recently went back and read it and I shocked myself. I was acting just like he was accusing me but I couldnt see it. He recently returned from yet another trip and I started in again. But this time I had chat records of him and a co-worker. He maintains they are just friends and that he can talk to her. He was pursuing her and even kissed her, but wouldnt admit it to me. He got so angry when I asked him to please stop talking to her so that we can figure this out that he kind of chose her over his family. Anyway, two weeks have passed and we saw the therapist yesterday as a couple. Separation was brought up because that is all he keeps talking about, so I was forced into accepting it. We have already spent so much time apart, honestly is there some grounds on which this will work out towards bringing our family together or a cowards way of leaving.
Sorry it is so long. I would appreciate honest answers from men who have cheated on their wives, stopped and then found a friend that they were "constantly thinking about". Am I being naive?

Any women been here? What happened?


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## anonymiss (Jul 20, 2011)

Kinda going through something similar, except without kids, and without the career. We've been falling apart for a while, and the fighting and lack of closeness became more than he could bear. He drowned himself in work which essentially gave me a lot of time to think. In my time to think I tried to make some improvements, but when his work slowed, my time had helped me, but he hadn't had time for him. I think he was emailing my best friend, guarding his phone, txting someone, etc. but not totally sure.... Things got ugly and he started to completely leave and divorce. We spent a few days apart then talked, and got back together, things got much better, maybe only for me. We spent two weekends in a row going to theme park and then it hit him. he;s still incessantly on the phone...and decided now he needed some space, and kept bringing up staying at grama's or parent's... at first I was kinda opposed, but then if that's what he needs is to get away and escape the every day to realize what's what, then I had to let him go. trying to get him to stay would only push him away further. So last saturday I helped him pack some things. the most sickening thing ever! If you've read Men are from Mars Women from Venus, its a guy thing to retreat when they are stressed and need time to think, whereas women want to talk and reason their problems outloud.


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