# Get him to sign now or wait?



## calmstorm (Dec 12, 2012)

So my husband of 12 years just left me the day after Thanksgiving. He packed up and moved his things out while I was at work. When he did talk to me, he said that he is leaning towards divorce, but when I asked if he wanted to try, or was willing to try, to work on things he said yes. He made some agreements, some financial some otherwise, that he hasn't completely lived up to. I read the ebook "The Magic of Making Up" that advises that if you want to try to get someone back, basically go against your instincts and don't contact the other person for at least a month (make him miss you, focus on yourself, get into new hobbies) and basically don't go chasing the other person. I'm not trying to play games, but it does sound like reasonable advice. I haven't done great the first two weeks in not contacting him, but I've recommitted to doing so. With my lawyer (that he doesn't know I have), I've drawn up a Separation Agreement, or a Property Settlement Agreement. It states all the things that he had previously agreed to. My thought was to wait the month, give him space, then ask him to sign it. My therapist today urged me to get it signed asap. So here's where I need advice. My ultimate goal is reconciliation, I want to get back together. But I also want to protect myself. If I get him to sign it now, do you think it will further push him away? Make him more cemented to remaining separated and working towards divorce rather than reuniting? Especially since it is so fresh.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

You're a very smart girl for seeing a lawyer and getting your separation papers drawn up right away. Sounds like you've started to do the 180 too, which is good too. I don't have any advice to help you out here, but IMO a separation agreement does not mean a divorce. It just means that you two are separated with some legal agreements. I could be wrong in that.


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## calmstorm (Dec 12, 2012)

Thank you. The Property Settlement Agreement doesn't necessarily mean divorce, but it's kinda the first step. And if we move to divorce, it will make it easier and shorter. I'm just hoping to still be able to draw him back emotionally, and I don't want to ruin the chance. But I should be protected too.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why did he leave? Are you sure there's nobody else in his life?

C


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

A SA in no way means that you absolutely must get a divorce - the only thing is does is protect you in the case that do actually get one. If the two of you were to R the SA could be throw out. My own SA states that if I and STBXH were to cohabiatate again or engage in sexual relations then the SA would be null and void.

As PBear is, I am curious as to why your H left so suddenly... is this something you saw coming?


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