# two steps forward...one step back



## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Why is the one step back sometime so hard to get over?

I had a great weekend. Took Friday off and played golf with my buddies and then with the boss on the best course I've every played. Saturday I spent time with my GF and took her to my buddies house for burgers and brats. Sunday played golf again and tied my low 9 hole total. It was great.

One of my buddies suggested we go to the local watering hole becasue his wife was playing Volleyball and we could watch the golf tourney on TV.

Driving up I see my ex sitting at the bar. I'm thinking WTF and then remembered her BF also plays VB at the same place. I should have just bolted and told my friends that I didn't want to hang with the ex but instead I gutted it out. I sit there for what felt like eternity next to my ex who is in a bathing suit sunning herself while her BF plays sand volleyball. I could only muster about a 2 minute conversation about the gilrs and then we sat in silence. Whole time I'm asking myself if this is where she gets her enjoyment now.

Not sure why I can't get over it but I feel that she flushed almost 20 yrs of marriage to be replaced with sitting at a bar watching someone play volleyball.

Now my mind just starts circling. instead of leaving with everyone to go back for a cookout with them I decide to take off and see my GF. It was relaxing and nice to get out of that enviroment. Friends wish we could just attend get togethers like nothing has happened but I just don't see that one happening right now. Jsut sucks.

I start thinking about why I can't get her actions out of my head. Why am I trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle and just accept what has happened and move on. Maybe it is that she is still hanging around in our old circle and has started dating one of them. That causes me to go down other roads in my head which are dead ends. It is continuos salt in the wound which I try to avoid at all costs. 

I start to think about the future when my support starts to stop and wonder how she is going to deal with that. I question why she isn't making changes to prepare for that now. She asks me for money whenever something comes out of the woodwork that most of us call everyday life. I just need to start saying no I guess. I become sour puss and say to myself I have already had to uproot my entire life and I can't wait to see it happen to her. These thoughts, in my opinon, are bad thougths that don't help anyone especially when you throw in the kids there.

I have to find out a better way of thinking and move along. 

Just a glimpse into my crazy head.

Shoeguy


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

ugh. Your head is not crazy. That's a horrible situation for anyone.

Truth: You DID have a wonderful weekend.
Truth: You SHOULD have bailed when you saw ex there.
Truth: You'll do better next time.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Thanks Iamaga.

It was a fun weekend. I also was able to get a portable dishwasher that I've been thinking about for a few months now.

It deosn't make sense to wash one or two dishes at a time so they pile up in my sink for a few days. I hate that for some reason. The neighber down the street put a sign out for $50. He said his inlaws gave it to him and he didn't need it. I gave him the $50 and rolled it down the street. lol

I had been looking on Cragi's list and they were usually over $100 and somewhere accross town. This was perfect.

The ex has just seem to have gone against what she use to stand for. We would only go out with friends to a bar occasionally and only if we had a baby-sitter. Now the kids can stay at home or sit at the bar with her. Bad story there. Granted they are older but she now hits that bar at least once a week if not more and it is 25 minutes away from our house by interstate. Man....maybe that is why I get puzzled. It is something the kids have nitced as well and sometimes they say something to me. Makes it a little harder to answer when I think the ex has fallen off the deep end.

Take care.

shoeguy


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Shoeguy said:


> The ex has just seem to have gone against what she use to stand for.


That's because she is no longer the same person you married or at least thought you married. My ex is the master at getting what she wants and if she has to change her entire personality then that is exactly what she does. The person I see now is a reflection of whatever her current desire is. I'm guessing your ex is very similar.


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