# What happens when they come out of the fog?



## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I have seen alot of posts on people going into the fog but very few, if any, of what happens after the fog - that is, how the spouse in the affair changes after they come out of the fog. Do they see the light?


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## Petyot (Aug 31, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> I have seen alot of posts on people going into the fog but very few, if any, of what happens after the fog - that is, how the spouse in the affair changes after they come out of the fog. Do they see the light?


I would love to see an answer to that question...


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

Petyot said:


> I would love to see an answer to that question...


I believe my STBXW came out of the Fog after she finally realized my threats of leaving her if she continued her ways were sincere. Unfortunately her realization came after my 3rd D-day. She is truly remorseful at this point, willing to do the hard work, followed the right steps, offered post nup and complete transparency. 

For me this was good to see because it gives her hope in her future relationships, I do wish her happiness. But the lies and deceit and how early the affair happened (2 months after marriage) are just deal breakers for me. If I had a longer history with her, and our relationship wasn't filled with so many lies, I'd think about reconciling. 

But remorse or not, my limits were reached.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Eventually everyone comes out of the fog. Whether they decide to stay married or not. The blinders cannot stay on forever. 

They all eventually realize it was a crappy thing to do and most at minimum regret the way it happened.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

bigtone128 said:


> I have seen alot of posts on people going into the fog but very few, if any, of what happens after the fog - that is, how the spouse in the affair changes after they come out of the fog. Do they see the light?


Yes my H did see the light and that is why I agreed to R. He realised the mess he was making with his life and the consequences his bad choices were having on all of us.
He ended it before I agreed to take him back. The relief in his face was plain to see. He said it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

I think it is gradual, so there is no black or white answer. However, I believe that events can help snap them out of the fog, such as - my husband was lucky to avoid a DUI, I sent him encouraging emails the next day ater we had a fight in which he was a total butt to me, but I wanted to show him that I was in this and willing to get through the bad to get to the good...he said he had an aha moment at work the next day and asked himself what was he doing. So he stopped contact w/OW and confessed that he had been talking to her again and begged for another chance. That was DD4 - he did not beg for another chance any other time - said he understood if I did not want to be with him, but he wanted to try and make it work. Unless they beg and plead, they are not sincere. 

About 2 months ago I had asked him a bunch of questions, one being if it has been hard not to contact her, he said at first it was, but not for the reasons it was before. He said this time he wanted to lash out at her and make her feel the pain that she helped contribute to our marriage. While I believe that now, I won't kid myself that I think he still had "feelings" that were left over from the "high" and he talked himself out of them, much the same way we as BS's have to turn our thoughts when a trigger happens in order to not let it get the best of us.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Well I am a BH, so probably not the most qualified to answer.

It is just like driving. 

It is 4:00 a.m., and they are driving away from their AP's house/apartment/meeting place, back home to their spouse. And it is foggy. So foggy, that they can barely see. But they can't stop, so they keep going. 
Then they think they see something ahead, but because they can't see since they are driving in a fog they just ignore it. 

Then they hit a tree!!! And THEN, they realize, "OH SH!T!!!" 

And that is about what it's like.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

This is what happens when a wayward comes out of the fog. This is my wife, Regret214.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3


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