# Can you live as roomates or is it time to go?



## chutrash (Apr 20, 2013)

Hi I am new to this . I have been married 25 years 1 daughter 19 away at college. My husband and I had another argument this morning and it came to a head. He stated we cant live like this anymore he is leaving in June when he has vacation and can go look for a place. We really have not had a marriage for the past seven years (no sex). We work opposite shifts so we really never even see each other but we do try to take vacation and do other things together for our daughters sake. I cant really say I love him and sometimes I don't think I even like him all that much and vice versa. We married after 14 months courtship and at times I feel we were just both lonely. He is a good man, a good provider and an adoring father.We have a very comfortable life as we both have excellent jobs. I am just worried about my daughter she is extremely sensitive to difficult situations. What I guess I basically want to know is should we continue to just live as roommates, we basically get along together as roommates but several time a year we have these blowups because we pick at each other about the dumbest things. I don't know what to do ?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't worry about your kid. She's grown and wil be ok.

Take care of you.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Have you tried MC yet? I dunno maybe i'm old fashioned but throwing 25 years away without trying to find the issues seems kind of crazy. Have you tried a nice vacation just the two of you recently? The fighting is actually a good sign, you have to have some conflict occasionally to get the issues out, how you are dealing with them is another issue thou.

It almost sounds like you've made up your mind already?


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## Goldfinch (Jan 22, 2013)

I had the same situation, my husband and I were like roommates, but I didn't want to break up my family. I do wonder, though, what this was teaching my kids about marriage. I suppose they think that marriage is two people living in the same house, but never doing anything together, even vacationing separately. We would still be in this situation if it wasn't for the fact that my husband totally betrayed me with our finances, and I found out last fall, so now I am moving out. If we had had a good marriage I think it would have survived this betrayal, but it was tenuous for a long time.

It is totally up to you. Think about what you want, what you want to teach your daughter, and what the repercussions will be if you stay or if you go. Try seeing a therapist, alone or together or both. Try a support group and see how other people have handled it and what their experiences have been.

25 years is a long time. Personally I have come to the conclusion that people aren't meant to be together for that long, but our life spans have really gotten much longer over the last 100 years, so now we are stuck with partners who may not be right for us.


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