# New to the Pain how long does this last?



## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

I'll try to make this short...Ok i have been with my significate other for 15 years, we have 3 children. My first pregnancy I was 17 he was 19 we broke up and he slept with someone else. we got back together and 4 years later i got pregnant, we broke up he dated someone else for a month or so had sex with her and then stop talking to her and we got back together. 8 years later I was pregnant with our 3rd child, he had a one night stand with some girl he doesn't even know the name of, (he was faithful to me in between getting pregnant) A year after having my son I went for a check up and found out I had an std and that is when he confessed it all he showed a lot of remorse and has since been trying very hard to make me happy. I have decided to forgive him because I truly love him and I have years invested in this relationship and this is my family, not just some guy I've been dating, but I am finding it very difficult, it has been a little over a month since I found out does it get any easier? is my relationship doomed to fail because its so hard to let it go?


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

to add one more thing...after my second pregnancy and we got back together a year after that I developed a close friendship with a coworker, I got drunk one night at home me and my boyfriend got in a fight and I left and went to my coworkers house, I stayed the night with him but I did not have sex, we just kissed, he tried to feel me up but i couldn't bring myself to do it, I felt I did it as a get back to my bf for breaking up with me and seeing someone else (which at the time I did not know he had sex with, I suspected but he never told me)


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

It sounds like he's a serial cheater. Are you going to keep taking him back everytime he strays... I mean this guy gave an STD. He doesn't seem to care that he constantly puts your health in danger.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would just end it for good. There is way too much drama here.


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

I took him back the other times because we broke up and got back together, I never knew he slept around while we were apart until a month ago so all the times he came back I never knew.

we were teen parents and basically grew up together we have been through a lot I was 15 when we met and we are both now in our 30's I dont know why he has only cheated while I have been pregnant. Is this a common thing for men to cheat while their other half is pregnant? I want to make this work for my family, and like I said I just found out all of this I didnt know about any of the past girls until now he has kept it a secret all these years and feels horrible.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

meplus3bg said:


> Is this a common thing for men to cheat while their other half is pregnant?


No, but it is f*****g childish.
You probably feel ill, tired and look rather big, so I think I'll bone someone else, just until you drop you understand!

No excuse whatsoever.


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

I agree and I don't except any excuse and he never really had one he said he can't explain and he didn't know why he did it, it just happened, and he felt like trash and complete **** afterward and he is truly remorseful and I believe he is sorry, now that I think about it, its the reason he wouldn't sleep with me my whole last month of pregnancy I was just blinded, the past times he didn't cheat on me we were not together however, it doesn't matter we were still suppose to be in love and either way he ran away every time I needed him most I just want to keep my family together and I truly love him with every part of me I just wish I could let go and I'm looking for advice from people who have been through this and decided to stay instead of leave.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Sounds like your a bit in denial yourself... maybe co-dependent on him. You sweep all this under the rug without dealing with his behavior. Eventually this is going to come to a head. You should adress this now, so you can move forward on a positive note.

An STD of Christ's sake...


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

I am still a little in denial, but I just feel like people make mistakes and if I can't forgive him then why should I ever be forgiven for anything, I know what he did was dirty nasty lower then low and so does he, I just feel I need to at least try, if I can't get through this then at least I did just that. I think I owe it to my children, no one is perfect and we both did stupid stuff as kids and now one of us as an adult but I just feel like I'm not ready to let us go yet, somedays im ready to walk out the door, and maybe I am a little co dependent right now I stay at home with our 3 kids while he works, but by all means I can make my own way, I am the one with the education and have made more money in the work place, but I decided to stay home and raise our children.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok so what is your plan?


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

my plan is to stay and try to work on my relationship, I came on here to get advice some people who are going through my same situation and trying to work on things. I just wanted to see if anyone on here had decided to forgive and how they are working on rebuilding their relationship. I just wanted some helpful advice on how to cope, does it get any easier? Ways I can help myself stay sane at times? My plan is to forgive and fight for my family.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

R can work. But your H needs serious IC and to understand WHY. You both need help healing. My WS had affairs for 20 years and we are happier now than ever. ONly yuou candecide if you want to work through it. It's never easy and infact takes a lot of hard work, openess and honesty.


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> R can work. But your H needs serious IC and to understand WHY. You both need help healing. My WS had affairs for 20 years and we are happier now than ever. ONly yuou candecide if you want to work through it. It's never easy and infact takes a lot of hard work, openess and honesty.


Thank you so much post, we are def. BOTH working on it, and he has made great changes and we have been openly expressing our feelings on both sides. I'm just glad to hear there can be life after such devastation because its just that, It feels almost as if someone died it is a very very painful thing to deal with and I just hope we can make it through.

I'm sorry I'm new to these message boards, what is IC?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

In a way, someone did die. Your former husband and former marriage. It's like a death. So if you reconcile, you will have a new marriage.

IC = individual counseling


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

Thanks jelly, I def. let you all know how it works out I just hope I can let go of all the anger I feel right now, its like my emotions are working backwards, at first I felt compassion and a closeness to him, now I'm feeling disgust, anger, and depression. My mind is running rampant with images its just extremely hard.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Totally normal to feel all over the place.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Can I suggest a website called beyondaffairs.com. When you get there click the seminars tab and when that page opens look for teleseminars at the top. Listen to whichever ones look interesting to you. Some great info there. There is also BAN groups in most major cities. Register on the site and see if there are any in your area. They also have free teleseminars you can attend. One is tomorrow night. Let me know what you think. The site is all about healing and is intended for the BEtrayed spouse= BS though there is also info for the wayward spouse=WS


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

Thank you 8 Years


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Did you check it out?


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## meplus3bg (Jul 13, 2011)

Yes I did, I did get to read a couple of the articles because my audio wasnt working on my computer for seminars, gonna try and see if I can pick it up on my ipod. Thanks again 8


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