# W and I doing the 5 love languages



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

We have both read the book, and plan to go back over it. I realised a lot about myself. I was raised in a good, solid but touchless family.

I now realise I am dying for physical touch. The wife said "You rub and pat on me all the time, isn't that touch? She didn't realise I need, and crave *her* touching *me*. 

I think if she walked up to me in public and hugged me I would break into tears of gratitude.

I have always realised her language was "service". And did lots of it. It's just that she wants things I am no longer capable of doing...Like busting up all the bathroom tile and retiling and putting in a new toilet. I am 66 years old, and have bad knees. The PAIN involved would be unbearable. 

I'm trying to show her that getting the groceries, fixing dinner, and cleaning up the dishes should count as service.

I think she is starting to see the light, and I know I am.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I read that book as well. I have a question for you being that your act is physical and I still am unsure as to what my H is. When you are arguing with your W, do you avoid her touch or would her touch help alleviate your anger?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Tracy your H needs to do the questionnaire himself... has he/will he do it? 

Woodchuck - Can you hire someone to do the tiling? 

My H and I are both physical. I'm sure it makes life simpler when your both speaking and living the same language. A lot of people struggle understanding how 5 love languages relate to their marriage. Remember if you two have different languages by nature your still learning each others (foriegn) language right now.. give it time and keep talking.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> I read that book as well. I have a question for you being that your act is physical and I still am unsure as to what my H is. When you are arguing with your W, do you avoid her touch or would her touch help alleviate your anger?


Her touch would always be welcome.......:smthumbup:


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Tracy your H needs to do the questionnaire himself... has he/will he do it?
> 
> Woodchuck - Can you hire someone to do the tiling?
> 
> My H and I are both physical. I'm sure it makes life simpler when your both speaking and living the same language. A lot of people struggle understanding how 5 love languages relate to their marriage. Remember if you two have different languages by nature your still learning each others (foriegn) language right now.. give it time and keep talking.


Right now she wants to refurnish the whole house,(fine with me) but money is a little tight....

I recently retired, and we are reworking the whole house...New roof, heat and air, windows, soffet and facia, gutters and downspouts, new kitchen appliances....all done in the past 3-4 years, so we have to prioritize what we do next.....

I know 5 LL will take time but it is a labor of love......

I really want this to work for both of us.......


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

The book really helped us. Mine are physical touch and quality time. Hers are acts of service and words of affirmation. The huge thing for me was to look back at our relationship and remember how I was critical of her, and sometimes downright mean. Since one of her love languages is words of affirmation this had even more of a negative effect than it would have had on someone without her love language. There was no way that she could desire intimacy with me when she was so hurt. However, that affected my love languages of physical touch and quality time. This made me even more critical and the viscous circle began.

I am so glad that we have both grown in our relationship beyond that!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I loved that book. What insight. So simple too.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Marriage is 50 / 50 in everything you do.

If you are touching her and she acknowledges this, she should be doing the same back.

Since you have bad knees, are 66 years old and retired, you should be relaxing now, but she wants you to refurnish the house and remodel it?

She should be assisting you big time. "You have bad knees". She should be hammering, moving things, taking away the garbage, going to the landfill with you, etc. Is she doing this?

My wife would be helping me and not just saying fix this, do that, refurnish and remodel.

I work full time, have bought the groceries since I got married at 25, weight train since then, do the finances, fix, upgrade, and remodel our rented apartment and now our place. My wife assists me but her 50% of it would be more paying the bills aspect.

I had the talk with my wife and communicated everything on my mind. She gets it and is changing like I have done. It was the communication that really did it, along with everyone's advice and reading the e-books.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CB, you missed the point. WC does these things, as much as he is able, because he loves her... because he is doing what he can, to the best of his ability, to speak HER love language, so SHE feels loved. Acts of Service is HER love language, not his. Sure, she can pitch in and help with those things. Absolutely. But what HE needs from HER is touch. He needs HER to touch HIM... be it an unsolicited hug, or just a caress at random times, and, of course, sex. 

WC, I agree with the poster who suggested hiring someone to help with all the renovations, etc. Or, kids? Relatives who could help you out?

Also, CB, I am curious what your love language is and what your wife's is. Look, mine is touch, with Words of Affirmation a pretty close second and Quality Time really close after that (10 Touch, 8 Words, 7 Time). For me, Acts of Service is WAY down the list. What does that mean? It means that my husband could do household repairs all he wants but as far as my feeling loved because of it? It would take a TON of those kids of things to add up to make me feel loved. To make it simpler.... 1 hug would be equal to 3 "You look beautiful in that outfit"s which would be equal to doing about 40 loads of laundry. I need the touching more than any of the other things. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the other things, but they still don't measure up to touch...FOR ME anyway. 

For someone who has Acts of Service first, they feel more love when the floors are re-tiled than when they get hugs. And that's why it is important to know your spouse's love language. While the other languages may be appreciated, it means more if your partner speaks YOUR language to you.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> CB, you missed the point. WC does these things, as much as he is able, because he loves her... because he is doing what he can, to the best of his ability, to speak HER love language, so SHE feels loved. Acts of Service is HER love language, not his. Sure, she can pitch in and help with those things. Absolutely. But what HE needs from HER is touch. He needs HER to touch HIM... be it an unsolicited hug, or just a caress at random times, and, of course, sex.
> 
> WC, I agree with the poster who suggested hiring someone to help with all the renovations, etc. Or, kids? Relatives who could help you out?
> 
> ...



Yes...Yes...Yes....You get it...Yes the wife helps, but is 68 and has a bad shoulder and neuropathy in her feet, so lots of physical stuff is out for her (she helps but PAYS for it later, and I don't want that)

And I need the touch more than gifts or service, or words of affirmation, or quality time...


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## Cobre (Feb 24, 2013)

Who is the Author of this book..?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Cobre said:


> Who is the Author of this book..?


Gary Chapman


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Tracy your H needs to do the questionnaire himself... has he/will he do it?


Nah, my H isn't into self help. I know its definitely not acts of service or gifts. Time...eh not so much, he does like his ego stroked. Could be compliments...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> Nah, my H isn't into self help. I know its definitely not acts of service or gifts. Time...eh not so much, he does like his ego stroked. Could be compliments...


You can guess as much as you like, but that's all it is... a guess. Unless he does the quiz himself, you won't know for certain. FWIW, I'm still working on getting my husband to take the quiz himself. He says he will when his computer is fixed... I think I'll just let him borrow mine to take the quiz. LOL


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> You can guess as much as you like, but that's all it is... a guess. Unless he does the quiz himself, you won't know for certain. FWIW, I'm still working on getting my husband to take the quiz himself. He says he will when his computer is fixed... I think I'll just let him borrow mine to take the quiz. LOL


My wife has kind of balked at actually taking the quiz....says she already knows her language is acts of service.....

I think it is important that she actually fills in the blanks......

She was a little under the weather yesterday so I slipped out and bought her a hot fudge sundae (her favorite), a dozen roses and a card thanking her for being my wife.......

She was really surprised. Says I seem a lot more emotional these days. I told her I am a different person, and have torn down all the emotional barriers.....She might have some trouble getting accustomed to the new me, but I think he is a better man.......

Wish me luck.....:smthumbup:


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