# It took so long but finally! Acceptance!



## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I have not been on here in a long time, but my husband and I separated back in June. I honestly had thought before now that I was doing great and that I was moving on. But apprantley I hadn't. I was just in denial for a long while. But I've done it all now. I've been angry and in denial, I've been depressed and i've managed to blame him for every single thing that went wrong in my life. I even begged and tried to get him back. Then, just about a month ago, he and i had this amazing talk. We talked about everything. About us, about our son, about our lives and what happened between us ... and I finally felt good about our separation. I look at this man and I see a friend and the father of my child. I realize that I am just as much to blame for the things that went wrong ... and that some things cannot be blamed on either of us. Yes, we had problems. But the sad reality is we just grew up and became such different people. We grew apart. We separated nine months ago. It sounds like a long time to someone who is just separating or just separated more recently. But its not really. It takes a long time to grieve sometimes. It takes a long time to forgive. 
But I wanted to tell all of you this because I want you to know that you will find peace and happiness again. It won't always be dark. And its so amazing ... its just incredible when you wake up and that dark cloud is gone from over your head. I wish each and every one of you peace ... and hope for all of you that you find the happiness you deserve. Whether it is through reconcilliation or through moving on. Eventually you will find it ...


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## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Thank you for this. Good luck to you as well.


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## rpriore (Jan 17, 2011)

Thanks alot for making me cry. I'm in the mad want to punish her stage right now


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I'm 5months in, another 4 months huh? Here's hoping


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## rpriore (Jan 17, 2011)

I wish I was 5 months in. She told me for the last 2 years she felt alone. Like I said before, my D was final last Thursday and I moved out of our house the Saturday before. It's been hard because I have contact with her everyday because of our son but that is going to have to stop cause it's bringing me down man........


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

Happy that you are in the "acceptance" phase of this whole ordeal.....I am getting tired of being in the "wishing and hoping H will come back to his senses" phase.....good luck to you.


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

I've been under this dark cloud so long I may not recognize sunshine when I see it. In fact, I recently started feeling "normal" in this darkness; how crazy is that?

I am also looking forward to the day when I can wake up with a smile on my face. I expect to be seperated in a few months, but I hope to find a life again by the end of the year. Here's to hope!


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## mama4jesus (Sep 13, 2010)

I just told my H four days ago that I don't want to be married anymore. We've been talking and crying and it just hurts so badly! I want to go to him for a comforting hug, but I can't. I have to go it alone. It hurts to have to shut each other out and cut the heart strings that have held us together for 21 years. 

Thank you, confused, for offering encouragement and hope. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Thanks for posting this.
Have you guys started the divorce process or are you going to work through it?

I know if my H and I don't work through this I will be ok. It might take me a while, but I will get there eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I'm glad to hear of your 'discovery'. I wish I was there. I'm 5 months into mine and these emotions have been on a roller coaster. I thought I would have some closure earlier this month via the final hearing that would have closed the door on that chapter but it didn't happen. Couple that with leaving the only church I've known in a place where I didn't grow up and where my nearest relative is 4 states away. It's been extremely tough for me but everyday is a new day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Thank you for posting that. It is hard to get thru this ordeal. Some light at the end of the (very long) tunnel is a nice thought!


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

troy said:


> I've been under this dark cloud so long I may not recognize sunshine when I see it. In fact, I recently started feeling "normal" in this darkness; how crazy is that?


Its not crazy at all! I think we all feel that way at some point. I was miserable but somehow I believed I was happy and moving on! I think it is all just a part of the process. I know that doesn't sound helpful, but I think each horrible and unhappy and spiteful feeling we have is just one more step towards healing.


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

DelinquentGurl said:


> Thanks for posting this.
> Have you guys started the divorce process or are you going to work through it?
> 
> I know if my H and I don't work through this I will be ok. It might take me a while, but I will get there eventually.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WE have started th divorce process but we are in Canada and they require that you separate a full year before they will grant a divorce. But the forms have been mailed and things are rolling. Maybe that helped me a little too

You will be okay. You don't know how strong you sound in just those few sentences.


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

rpriore said:


> Thanks alot for making me cry. I'm in the mad want to punish her stage right now


Be mad if you are mad. Maybe you can't display it in the ways you want to right now, but you have every right to feel angry. Each of us has that right (and yes, I actually had a therapist tell me that one!). I spent a great deal of time being angry ... and a great deal of time feeling bad about being angry! 
I'm sorry if I made you cry! It was not my intent.

I saw that you had mentioned you have a son. I do as well. I think he was the only thing that kept me sane through everything. I knew I had to be stronger for him. I had to be what he needed and deserved. I know it can make it harder too though. The only thing I can suggest is to take your custody agreement and live by it exclusively. You shouldn't have to talk every day to your ex about your son unless he is ill or requires special care. I found it so hard not to call my ex every single day. Just from habit alone. But I had to force myself to put down the phone. To NOT make that call. You need a little room to breath, heal and rediscover you. Never look at it as you not being there for your son each and every day because you will be! The times you are together will be precious and special and those are the moments that will matter. That is what I believe. My son is a child of divorce and I can tell you honestly that he is a very happy and very healthy little boy who is greatly adored (and knows it!)


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

i wish my wife would come to the same realization you did so i could move on with my life. i really dont know why im staying in this. its barely been 3 weeks.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Wow. I'm in the same situation. I filed papers yesterday because this waiting game is not for me. I'm hurting really bad I also find it hard to not contact (I legally cant for time being) but having that life line and best friend to lean on really hurts. I wish my wife would wake up from her current state and realize what she is doing is wrong.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

i hope one day to be able to say the same thing...i am just having a hard time seeing that happening..after 27yrs for being together i am in complete shock and feel like i am falling into a depression..have been trying to pack up my things today and have been crying like a baby..he moved at the end of march...i have no family here and am having a hard time coping..i know i need t ofocus on myself but that seems to be a hard thing for me right now..i miss my best friend...


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