# Inability to finish



## Alittlelonely (Jan 6, 2012)

My husband and I just got married in October, and at first we had a hard time consumating. It was a problem on my part, I was very fearful of the pain and it took 2 weeks for me to finally get over it. Once we did it the first time, it was amazing and for the next 2 weeks, we didn't have any problems. My husband works nights with 3 days off. We have sex when we can and there are times that he has trouble finishing. We are able to finish together sometimes, sometimes i do first and then him, sometimes he does and i dont, sometimes i do and he doesn't and sometimes we both don't. We've talked about that it wasn't important for us and that just the time and pleasure in the process is important. But most of the time, i can see that he gets upset when he doesn't finish. I try to encourage him and tell him that it's ok. He feels that it's right there but it just wont come. Sometimes it comes easy and sometimes it doesn't and it reaches a point when i'm so sore that i can't take the pain anymore. I try to hold in as much as possible. What can we do? How can I encourage him? Is there a way to get past this or make him able to finish?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Ah, well the first thing is to both try and relax. Anxiety usually makes things a lot more difficult. 

Next, if it's getting to the point where he's having some problems and you are starting to get sore, can you instead stop the PIV and use your hands or your mouth to try and finish him? He could then also do the same to you if you feel like it (or he could do that as part of foreplay for you.)

If you focus on the journey and the fantastic sensations during, and not worry so much about the end destination, you may find it more enjoyable, and you may find both of you climaxing more.

Best wishes.


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## Noel1987 (Jan 2, 2012)

couple of my friends have the same problem this situation is very important to me because its just the beginning of negative thinkings


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

There are a lot of reasons why this happens but the main one is that the level of sexual desire gets high enough for an erection (in most cases) but not for ejaculation.

There are also many reasons why the desire is below what it should be: anxiety is the big one- conscious or subconscious. This would probably mean he would suffer with this no matter who he married.

Other reasons are: past sexual dysfunctions, depression and depression medications, low self esteem, lack of attraction to the partner, unresolved anger, and heavy masturbation and porn use where the penis is so used to manual self-stimulation that partner sex using oral or vaginal intercourse does not feel as stimulating as the man's own hand. Often men who have this problem complain that their penis feels numb soon after oral or vaginal sex starts.

Here is a site with everything you ever wanted to know about this subject: Sexual Dysfunctions Forum


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I suppose part of the reason is that you feel sore. Perhaps you should use dilators. That alone that he is 'hurting' you makes his problem worse.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It could also be caused by the sexual position the couple is using during intercourse. Instead of the regular missionary position, try a modified version where instead of you being on your back, you lie on your left side so that your right leg is resting on your husband's chest. The great thing about this position is that creates friction for the two of you and allow orgasms for both. Every time my GF and I use it we both come, and she shakes for almost a minute afterwards.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

I would suggest...

*Try changing positions. Personally, I love doggy style when my wife reaches back and massages the twins while I am inside her.

*Mix in oral sex. Not just you giving him oral sex but him giving you oral sex. I am way more likely to finish with intercourse if I have first performed oral sex on my wife...it just really gets me turned on. But, also, if I am unable to finish through intercourse, usually my wife will finish me off with oral or, at a minimum, with a handjob.

*Personally, the more vocal my wife is, whether actual words or lots of moaning, the more likely I think I am to finish.


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## monkeyface (Dec 2, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Ah, well the first thing is to both try and relax. Anxiety usually makes things a lot more difficult.
> 
> Next, if it's getting to the point where he's having some problems and you are starting to get sore, can you instead stop the PIV and use your hands or your mouth to try and finish him? He could then also do the same to you if you feel like it (or he could do that as part of foreplay for you.)
> 
> ...


:iagree: 

I would also add, that after a few drinks, finishing might be a teeny bit more difficult (for both of you)! Sometimes you gotta just say "we gave it our best shot, it felt great, but maybe next time!" and laugh. The more pressure/anxiety you give to this issue the worse it will be. :smthumbup:


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

I too have problems finishing - whether making love to my wife or masturbation. Takes way too long to climax. Usually, after masturbating for 30 minutes without an ejaculation, I just give up. After 20 minutes, my wife gets sore and lube doesn't help much [dries out too fast]. The result: a sexless marriage.


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