# Why do I still want to save it?



## SL86 (Jul 31, 2012)

Little back story, my wife and I have been together for 6 years married for almost 3. In June she told me she wanted a divorce and moved out the next day with no warning.

We started marriage counseling, and a couple of dates. Things seemed like they might get better but never did. I finally went no contact for just about a month. I broke down and called her, it was a real good conversation. We talked for about an hour about any and everything. She called me later that night crying, she asked "do you think I will ever be happy again?" I told her "I have no control over that only person that can make you happy is yourself." She came over two days later to talk in person. I brought up getting back together she stated that she loves me and will always have a place in her heart for me but... she doesn’t give 2nd chances. She blames my depression and coldness for the reason she left. I know I was in a very bad spot and was not myself I didn’t know how to get out of that rut. 

I feel really bad for her she has lost an unhealthy amount of weight, her acne is getting bad. I have also heard that she misses me and has had 2nd thoughts about the divorce (still no paperwork has been filed.) But she is to stubborn to work on it?

She sent me a text message over the weekend asking if I was going to a mutual friend’s child’s birthday party and offered to give me a ride if I wanted to go.

She said the OM is not a factor no interest in him :scratchhead: said they had some conversations and he would ask why she wouldn’t come back to me after everything I have done for her. :scratchhead:

She also said that she starts a beauty school in a town 4 hours away. Ironically this is the same town the OM lives in... She said she is getting an apartment through the school (this is the closest location for this exact school.) She talked about going when we were together and I was against it. School is approximately 4 months long. She made a comment that she is taking things day by day. She said they day she graduates school is the day all this will hit her. I don’t understand that comment either.

All her stuff has been moved out of our house and her mail has been forwarded. I did get some more mail today. I sent her a text message stating that. It turned into conversation via text message for 1.5 hrs.

I dont know why but I still have hope for my marriage and would like to save it. I have been reading in this section recently and have seen some good advice. 

Well thanks for reading my readers digest version of my separation.


I have two previous threads in different sections on here that can be used for further back story.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/52572-please-please-please-dont-too-late.html


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/52936-wife-having-ea-cant-let-go.html


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So sorry that you're having to go thru this mess but at least you came to a place that's full of people willing to help , people who understand and people that can offer up some great advise.

The only thing I can think to tell you right now is to give her space. I know you mentioned you went NC -good, and keep at it. Give her the time and space she needs to figure things out on her own but more importantly, in giving her that time and space via NC _you give her time to miss you_. It's hard, I know, I'm doing it right now, but if you think about the concept it does tend to make sense. And in going NC it shows her that she is being held accountable for actions (the OW) that you do not and will not condone. You say you hear/see that she is going thru a rough time - so maybe she's realizing that the grass isn't always greener on the other side - maybe there's hope for the two of you yet, just be prepared emotionally if that hope doesn't pan out.

In the meantime, work and focus on yourself! Some of the best advise I was given was to heal and build yourself up in mind, body and spirit. Forgive yourself for the things you think you did wrong in the relationship, learn from those mistakes and move on. Go out and pamper yourself, do the things you used to enjoy but haven't done in a long time - old hobbies that fell to the wayside, etc.. Excersise - it's great for your body and to clear your mind. Thinks about the things you want to change in yourself to make you a better person for yourself and do them!

Good luck... I truely wish you the best and will keep my fingers crossed for the both of you...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Establishing yourself as "Plan B" doesn't lead to happy endings.

What was her childhood like?



SL86 said:


> Little back story, my wife and I have been together for 6 years married for almost 3. In June she told me she wanted a divorce and moved out the next day with no warning.
> 
> We started marriage counseling, and a couple of dates. Things seemed like they might get better but never did. I finally went no contact for just about a month. I broke down and called her, it was a real good conversation. We talked for about an hour about any and everything. She called me later that night crying, she asked "do you think I will ever be happy again?" I told her "I have no control over that only person that can make you happy is yourself." She came over two days later to talk in person. I brought up getting back together she stated that she loves me and will always have a place in her heart for me but... she doesn’t give 2nd chances. She blames my depression and coldness for the reason she left. I know I was in a very bad spot and was not myself I didn’t know how to get out of that rut.
> 
> ...


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## SL86 (Jul 31, 2012)

Her parents had her when they were young 17,18. She has a younger brother that is 6 years younger. Her parents separated briefly after her brother was born. She was never close to her dad. As she got older he tried to include himself more into her life. I was the only guy that her parents liked. She would make comments from time to time that she was jealous, she thought her parents favored me over her. Her parents are against this separation and do not support her current decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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