# Wife having a PA



## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

I'm sorry to everyone that I had to delete my origianal thread. I got up this morning and couldn't log in. I believe my wife hacked my email account and got the blog site from there. If so, she knows everything. Hopefully she didn't save a copy, but if she did, oh well. I'm not the one who did anything wrong!

But it does explain how she was so quick to cancel the CC and knew right away that I had talked to her dad. 

I also saw she was on my computer last night and sending texts from her Verizon account. Of course, I can't see them, but I think I have enough of what I need now. 

I will PM Almostrecovered later with some more info. I don't think I will be able to post on here, but may start a private blog. I will let you all know.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Kudos to you for recording everything. You already know that she is the type that would try to make false domestic violence charges against you, and showing her that you're recording everything gives her fair warning not to try that sh!t. She can be charged with false reporting. Advise her that if she tries that, you will file a police report against her for exactly that. 

And get the keyloggers on the computers, stat!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> I'm sorry to everyone that I had to delete my origianal thread. I got up this morning and couldn't log in. I believe my wife hacked my email account and got the blog site from there. If so, she knows everything. Hopefully she didn't save a copy, but if she did, oh well. I'm not the one who did anything wrong!
> 
> But it does explain how she was so quick to cancel the CC and knew right away that I had talked to her dad.
> 
> ...


Her dad probably called her as soon you hung up. I know that s what I would do if my daughter did something even remotely like this. And , it wouldn't be pretty. She would get the talk that would last a lifetime.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Sent you a pm with my email
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Can you check the history on your computer to see if she visited this site. Can she cover her tracks?

Password protect your computer.

Out the OM on cheaterville .com, whenever someone googles his name they will find out who he really is. You can also send annonymous emails from there supposedly.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

definitely get a keylogger on it too

maybe also PM a mod (like amplexor) to ask if you get an exception to post in the private section (you need 30 posts to access, and now that you deleted your posts you're down to 1)


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

I already pw protected my computer and have everything I need backed up in case she tries to destroy it. 

I can't say for sure she hacked my email, but I've changed all my pw's to make sure she can't do it again. I checked the history on my browser this morning after I couldn't get logged back in here and didn't see this site. She might have checked it from work though, or might have deleted the history. I did see that she is now using Verizon's webpage for sending texts, so I'm probably not going to be able to get any more info off of her phone. Plus she has taken to sleeping with it under her pillow and she took her laptop to work with her today, so I'm thinking she saw everything on here already and that's why the sudden changes. 

I called the OM at work yesterday and told him I knew and had proof of the affair. I didn't say what it was, but told him I had it. I also sent him an email with the NC statute that Almostrecovered had posted the other day. He immediately sent me a reply to not contact him by phone, email, or any other method or he would file harassment charges. My W told me last night that he went to the VP about it and they called the cops. Evidently they are worried I might go all postal on them! Not going to happen. Yes, I've fantasized about beating the crap out of him, but I know that only hurts me, my kids, and my case. She also said that she has been put on some kind of notice and had to talk to their LP dept. She's worried about losing her job and blames me. I told her this is her fault. She's the one who crossed the line and had an affair. I refuse to accept any blame for that! I will accept my share of the responsibility for her being unhappy in our marriage, but she could have left long before the affair started. 

I've got to run for now, and meet with my pastor. I will PM Almostrecovered later. I'll also look into PM'ing a mod about the private section when I get back. 

This day's looking better and better! (Sarcasm!)


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

HINC,

If you haven't done so already, consider contacting the OM's HR department with all the evidence you've gathered so that they can then proceed with any possible disciplinary action. They may not fire his sorry a$$ on the spot but they will definitely make their displeasure known to him and your wife and will more than likely send him a written warning that the company will not accept being a party to any unethical behavior from two of their employees which can tarnish the public image of the company.

This is called hurting OM where it hurts, his livelihood.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Don't pay any attention to the OM threats. As another poster has found there uisnt much you can do about someone after you unless they actually do something in person and gotten arrested with a police report filed. You have done nothing like that, so at this point stay away from him.

Did your wife admit it to you? Did you record it?

As for your computer, if you think she has read things here, you yourself should check it for a key logger program having been installed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

You're losing you window of opportunity. You need to contact the OMW now! Do whatever it takes to find her information. Let her know whats going on. Don't listen to the OM, you got him by the short ones and he knows it. However, he's telling his wife a bunch of BS even as we speak. Gather your evidence. Your WW is slick, she wants to know exactly what you know and how you found out. Still pulling for ya! 

Hi Mrs. Hurting in NC!!!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

this a good point, if she has a keylogger installed, having a passowrd wont mean anything as it will email her screen shots and reports


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

****Please contact an attorney immediately to understand your options and to protect yourself from your wife and the OM. You need to document everything.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He may have to format the hard drive and do a clean install of the OS just in case she has a keylogger on it.

This cheater is experienced alright. She must have done this before and gotten away with it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You can install Deepfreeze by Faronics. What it will do is it will allow keylogger to log all your keystroke but as soon as you shutdown all the log information get wiped off and the system will remain as it was before.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

OP if you are in NC you are in an alienation of affection state.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> OP if you are in NC you are in an alienation of affection state.


was went over thoroughly in the deleted thread


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

morituri said:


> HINC,
> 
> If you haven't done so already, consider contacting the OM's HR department with all the evidence you've gathered so that they can then proceed with any possible disciplinary action. They may not fire his sorry a$$ on the spot but they will definitely make their displeasure known to him and your wife and will more than likely send him a written warning that the company will not accept being a party to any unethical behavior from two of their employees which can tarnish the public image of the company.
> 
> This is called hurting OM where it hurts, his livelihood.


It will also start an intensive investigation, if one hasn't already been started. If he badges in to work, records will be pulled. Expense books for travel will be pulled. Phone logs. Internet usage. Sadly, the IRS requires employers to track mobile phone usage if it is provided by a company, because personal use of such devices is imputed income. If it looks like his behavior negatively impacted the bottom line, it is very easy to fire him.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's not a super villain, but she clearly had a headstart, and she's been reading forums, likely for cheaters on how to screw over their BS.

The good news is he has us!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Im of the opinion that we should hold off saying anything else until hnc gets this in the private section or confirm she isnt reading


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> I called the OM at work yesterday and told him I knew and had proof of the affair. I didn't say what it was, but told him I had it. I also sent him an email with the NC statute that Almostrecovered had posted the other day. He immediately sent me a reply to not contact him by phone, email, or any other method or he would file harassment charges. My W told me last night that he went to the VP about it and they called the cops. Evidently they are worried I might go all postal on them! Not going to happen. Yes, I've fantasized about beating the crap out of him, but I know that only hurts me, my kids, and my case. She also said that she has been put on some kind of notice and had to talk to their LP dept. She's worried about losing her job and blames me. I told her this is her fault. She's the one who crossed the line and had an affair. I refuse to accept any blame for that! I will accept my share of the responsibility for her being unhappy in our marriage, but she could have left long before the affair started.



Good. Then there should be a police file that the company now knows about the affair. That's an evidence for you for any future claim against the company, OM or wife.

Your wife on notice (if true) should be noted on her personal file. Another piece of evidence for you or OMW.


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## UnwarrantedParanoia (Sep 1, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Im of the opinion that we should hold off saying anything else until hnc gets this in the private section or confirm she isnt reading


:iagree:

We probably won't get to learn much as to what is going on anymore, but we wish you well. We are all pulling for you. 

What she is doing to you is not fair. On top of having to deal with the pain of being betrayed and lied to by the person you trusted and loved the most, it is so wrong on all levels for her to add all this other **** 

Just remember, and I hope she sees this: What comes around goes around.


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Sent you a pm with my email
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't get your PM. Hope my wife didn't delete it. I don't know how she could have since I changed my PW and I don't think she's had access to the computer since then, but could be wrong.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I might've screwed it up since I was using the phone, just resent
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> It will also start an intensive investigation, if one hasn't already been started. If he badges in to work, records will be pulled. Expense books for travel will be pulled. Phone logs. Internet usage. Sadly, the IRS requires employers to track mobile phone usage if it is provided by a company, because personal use of such devices is imputed income. If it looks like his behavior negatively impacted the bottom line, it is very easy to fire him.


Yes. I think he should have pinged HR instead of the OM. It would have allowed them some time to prepare and he would have been called in a about. Better then the VP being contacted by the OM.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

One of the first rules of a cheater. If a cheaters lips are moving, then they're lying.

Chances are neither WW or OM got called onto the carpet at work. Why would they? HurtingNC never called anyone in the HR Department or the VP. The company never called the cops or else the cops would have come to HurtingNC with a warning of cease and desist; to leave the guy alone. Did that happen? NOPE!

She just told him that stuff to try and make him feel bad. To try and convince him that their jobs are in jeopardy, and what he did had the desired affect. But....or than likely...it's a bunch of BS.

Hi Mrs. Hurting in NC!!!!!!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I got an update by email (and will not be posting anything right now) and told hnc to see if the mods will allow him access to the private section, if not I am willing to be the go between and post his stuff there for him and send back responses

I also told him to wipe his comp hard drive (saving his important files first of course) and reinstall stuff in case there is a keylogger


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Having isdues with computer. W came home to get some clothes with 2 police officers and took the modem! Having to use phone for now until I get it corrected. Please bear with me!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> Having isdues with computer. W came home to get some clothes with 2 police officers and took the modem! Having to use phone for now until I get it corrected. Please bear with me!


Oh, this is a cheat with a very bad attitude alright. She's one of those that will stoop very very low to hurt the BS. You have to be very careful to protect yourself in ANY dealings with her because she's capable of doing anything to hurt you, up to and including making false accusations against you of domestic violence, even to the point of injuring herself to say you did it.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Okay....and the cops were there..why?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Maybe we don't know everything here.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Okay....and the cops were there..why?


Some citizens do call the cops to stand by why they retrieve their property from the residence. They were there to keep the peace. It normal procedure and happens all the time. She most likely said that she fears she will be hurt or something. Cops get called to do this all the time. Its a pain in the ass.


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Lordmayhem is correct. I actually texted W's father prior to them coming over and asked that he let me know if they planned to so I could have an officer stand by to prevent any false accusations. She is accusing me of physical assault on her and trying to use old bruises that she had told me came from working out at gym but I suspect may have come from rough play with OM. She also told cops during both incidents yesterday that I had assaulted her and made threats to kill her and she feared for her life and life of my son! NONE of which is true!


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Brief update. Without going into too much detail, simply bc I think W may know about this blog, which is why I deleted original (I don't know if she screenshot it, but if not, I didn't want her to have access to my playbook, so to speak!) the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter! I still hurt that my wife broke her vows and is in an affair, but strangely, I think the worst of the pain from that is past me now. I'm still hurt that she has my daughter and that she may somehow take my son as well, but I will deal with that as I can. For now I can only focus on things I can control. I have done some detective work on my own, and think I may have some physical proof of the affair! I should know within the next 48 hours if I do. If it happens like I hope and pray it will, it should be the final nail I need to have the upper hand in a divorce and custody trial! Even if it turns out to be nothing, I still have the other evidence that may be enough by itself, but this final piece should dispel any doubts or arguments her atty may make! Keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

okay, good luck.


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Talked to my manager at work today and she told me that they will be able to accomodate any schedule changes that I might need to make in the event I do end up with custody of my kids. Currently I work a weird 13 hour a day schedule that keeps me at work all day Sat, Sun and Mon. I've worked it for over 3 years bc it meant I could take care of my son who isn't in kindergarten yet. It saved my wife and I about $700/month, but also meant that I missed out on at least two opportunities I've had to enter a special training program that is required in order to be promoted, bc it required a flexible schedule. 

I sacrificed my career for our family and it allowed my wife's career to flourish. If I were a woman and she the man, that in itself is cause for requesting alimony. Don't know how courts view it when its the other way around though. It still seems that courts tend to favor women over men in these types of cases, but its much better than it was even 10 years ago!

I'm trying to stay positive. Its hard sometimes, but I'm trying to let go of things I can't control and focus on what I CAN do!


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Did get some good news on the financial front. My budget for a car and atty is double what I thought it might be! I could still use more, but at least I know now that I've got enough to start the ball rolling without having to sell a kidney!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Make sure she is paying her share of household bills. Good luck and work out often. Its great for the mental aspect as well as the physical.


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Make sure she is paying her share of household bills. Good luck and work out often. Its great for the mental aspect as well as the physical.


She's already said that if and when she moves out, she isn't paying anything towards the household! She says her atty said she doesn't have to. I don't know if her atty really said that or not, but I'll be bringing that up to my atty when we meet.

One thing working in my favor, she is lying to EVERYONE about this. She has a habit of setting things in her mind so that not only tells a different version of the reality, but actually seems to BELIEVE what she is saying! I have a hard time believing that she has told her atty she is actually having an affair. More than likely she has simply told him that she wants a divorce bc I'm not the perfect husband. I'm also certain, based on the lies she's told the police and others, that she is telling her atty that I'm abusive or a threat to her or our children. Ironically, in all of our years together, the only times there has been any physical assault, its been her hitting me. (Or trying to run me and my son over with the car the other day!) I have a feeling that when everything comes out in court, her atty is going to be doing a lot of damage control on the fly!


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> It still seems that courts tend to favor women over men in these types of cases, but its much better than it was even 10 years ago!!


In my state there is a simple table that you enter in both incomes, the number of children, who has them what percentage of the time, a few other things, and then it computes who owes who. One party will try to argue why they shouldn't have to pay that much. An attorney can answer all of that. 

And you are the luckiest guy in the world living in NC. Adultry is a big NO NO in North Carolina. She could be in deep **** if you can prove it.

http://www.ncfamilylaw.com/download/date46.html


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> She's already said that if and when she moves out, she isn't paying anything towards the household! She says her atty said she doesn't have to. I don't know if her atty really said that or not, but I'll be bringing that up to my atty when we meet.
> 
> One thing working in my favor, she is lying to EVERYONE about this. She has a habit of setting things in her mind so that not only tells a different version of the reality, but actually seems to BELIEVE what she is saying! I have a hard time believing that she has told her atty she is actually having an affair. More than likely she has simply told him that she wants a divorce bc I'm not the perfect husband. I'm also certain, based on the lies she's told the police and others, that she is telling her atty that I'm abusive or a threat to her or our children. Ironically, in all of our years together, the only times there has been any physical assault, its been her hitting me. (Or trying to run me and my son over with the car the other day!) I have a feeling that when everything comes out in court, her atty is going to be doing a lot of damage control on the fly!


She's either lying or she hasn't even seen an attorney. She can't just bail on her responsibilities.

Don't remember her trying to run you all over. You should be keeping notes, recording everything on video or var. Apply for a RO. The more you have the more you will get. Get counseling for you and kids, meds, line up family and friends as allies. 

Ask for the moon, crimp her new lifestyle.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> She's already said that if and when she moves out, she isn't paying anything towards the household! She says her atty said she doesn't have to. I don't know if her atty really said that or not, but I'll be bringing that up to my atty when we meet.


My friend's divorce attorney advised him that his wife is liable for half the mortgage since she moved out a year ago, and they're gonna go after her for it. :smthumbup:


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Welcome to the world of divorce and custody---just protect yourself, stick to your guns, and make sure you have a BULLDOG, for an atty.

You very likely can get joint custody, pay no alimony, and just split the assets, make sure she pays her fair share of the upkeep until your D. is final, if that's the way you decide to go


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> One thing working in my favor, she is lying to EVERYONE about this. She has a habit of setting things in her mind so that not only tells a different version of the reality, but actually seems to BELIEVE what she is saying! I have a hard time believing that she has told her atty she is actually having an affair.


Playing armchair psychiatrist here, but she sounds like she is bipolar. Maybe you just need to proceed as though she is. Luckily (how can I say that?), my wife has a spectrum bipolar condition that is just on the depressive spectrum, but one of our biggest issues is the 'little' fantasies that become her reality. When you deal with custody and visitation, watch yourself, even based on what you've said so far. Explain bruises on the kids to family members, so it doesn't begin to support a new charge of hers. Recognize that her lawyers reality in the divorce will be different from the truth, so encourage your lawyer to speak to him about major issues, if possible, because most lawyers do not like the idea of being played the fool. And most importantly, based on what you've already told us about her, recognize that her parents and friends could potentially have a completely different view of you than you think. I'm not talking about just how they will automatically take her side, but that when the affair first began, she could've begun to feed them doses of her lies. If they've 'known' that you were an abusive father for many months, her recent actions can seem quite justified.


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

She is definitely bi-polar, as is her mother. Hoping that little gene skips my daughter!

I will be fighting for full physical custody of my children. I have no problem with my wife having access to our kids, but I don't want her to have them living with her at any time while the OM may be there visiting, spending night, or moving in! Also, with her irrational behaviors, I don't trust her around the kids. Not that I think she would hurt them, but I do think she will tell them lies about me to try to get sympathy from them or paint me in a bad light. Of course, now that I think about it, if she thought she was going to lose the kids, who knows what she might do? You see stuff in the news all the time about women snapping and hurting their kids. But I'm not going to play that game. I have to believe her love for our kids is greater than her need to hurt me.

Found out today that she has taken her Facebook account off. I'm wondering if I should go ahead and post anything there about what's going on? Also maybe a link to OM's page? Maybe I should wait to talk to atty before I do anything. Its so hard to wait, bc I want to lash out, but I know that may not be the best thing. I don't want a small taste of revenge and lose sight of the main goal, which is to have my children in a safe, loving, LOYAL home! I want to teach them good morals, self respect, and a sense of honor.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> Found out today that she has taken her Facebook account off. I'm wondering if I should go ahead and post anything there about what's going on? Also maybe a link to OM's page? Maybe I should wait to talk to atty before I do anything. Its so hard to wait, bc I want to lash out, but I know that may not be the best thing.


She may have just blocked you, in which case it will appear to not even exist. Create a new page and you can see it if she still has it. Or get someone else to see if it's still up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Hurt, go dark except for the kids. She seems to be over dramatic and in need of too much attention. The best thing you can fo for you, and the thing which will get to her most, is your pulling that away.

As much as I want you to be happy, realize that the kids are hers too and she will have time with them. Except for her outbursts and act against you, she hadn't done anything to anyone else. So your not going to get exclusive control and you aren't going to get her declared incompetent etc.

So get that atnny at find a path through this. You will need to give her access to your son, and she will have to give you access to your daughter. They are kids nit bargaining chips.

Be armed with knowledge, facts, good advice, and strategy. Know that she will trash talk you to your kids. She will and you can't stop her. At this point divorce his to get her out of your life do you can begin to heal. It is not to punish her. The punishment will come when she finds the OM throwing her under the bus to save his own butt at home and the office.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> She's already said that if and when she moves out, she isn't paying anything towards the household! She says her atty said she doesn't have to. I don't know if her atty really said that or not, but I'll be bringing that up to my atty when we meet.
> 
> One thing working in my favor, she is lying to EVERYONE about this. She has a habit of setting things in her mind so that not only tells a different version of the reality, but actually seems to BELIEVE what she is saying! I have a hard time believing that she has told her atty she is actually having an affair. More than likely she has simply told him that she wants a divorce bc I'm not the perfect husband. I'm also certain, based on the lies she's told the police and others, that she is telling her atty that I'm abusive or a threat to her or our children. Ironically, in all of our years together, the only times there has been any physical assault, its been her hitting me. (Or trying to run me and my son over with the car the other day!) I have a feeling that when everything comes out in court, her atty is going to be doing a lot of damage control on the fly!


I am not sure how it works in NC but I do know in Michigan the spouse that stays in the house can go after status quo with the person who leaves the house. By doing this it forces the spouse who is leaving to take care of whatever share of the bills they where before they left until the divorce is final. It is something that needs to be filed for quickly after the spouse leaves the home.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> She may have just blocked you, in which case it will appear to not even exist. Create a new page and you can see it if she still has it. Or get someone else to see if it's still up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

She just blocked you, that's all.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Hurt, go dark except for the kids. She seems to be over dramatic and in need of too much attention. The best thing you can fo for you, and the thing which will get to her most, is your pulling that away.
> 
> As much as I want you to be happy, realize that the kids are hers too and she will have time with them. Except for her outbursts and act against you, she hadn't done anything to anyone else. So your not going to get exclusive control and you aren't going to get her declared incompetent etc.
> 
> ...


I disagree. She tried to run him over with their 5 year old in his arms.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> I disagree. She tried to run him over with their 5 year old in his arms.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. Don't let anything slide. Make her life as difficult as possible but without getting crazy or emotional like her.


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Got some more new info today. 

1. My insider talked to some people at the office today. It appears her story of the OM telling the entire office I contacted him was a lie. Assuming that her story of getting pulled into HR were a lie as well.

2. Their lunch trips to the gym seem to last 2-3 hours on some days. Since the office is right across the street from the gym, and my wife's normal workout is usually only an hour, I'm left to wonder where they are and what they are doing the other 1-2 hours they are gone.

3. My wife's business trip to Chicago for the NACS convention should have ended on Tuesday. Everyone else in the office that attended left Chicago on Tuesday. Guess who the only two people are that stayed an extra night? Yep, you got it! My W and the OM! It should be easy to subpoena their business expense reports from work, I should think.

Still waiting on my "smoking gun" info to come in. I should have an answer within the next hour or two. Keep your fingers crossed!


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Oh, and she has also told everyone in office she is getting divorced, and OM telling everyone he is leaving his W next week!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Find his wife and spoil OMs surprise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Got the call I've been waiting for. Its not quite the slam dunk that I had hoped, but it does give me physical evidence of them together on multiple occasions outside of work when she had lied to me about what she was doing. I also have a witness who saw them hugging and kissing! Was hoping for a little bit more, but with what I already have, it may be enough.

Now I just need to wait and see what my attorney says on Wednesday.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> Also maybe a link to OM's page?


 DO NOT do this. Don't give him a case for slander! Focus on getting in contact with OMW. She might have some information that you aren't aware of.


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Yeah, I've already decided that wouldn't be a good idea, as much as I might enjoy it. 

I've come to the conclusion that my marriage is over. I don't want my wife back, and would not take her back if she came crawling and begging. My sole focus now is getting my kids and securing financial support from W to care for them.

Still, a nice fantasy to think about sometimes!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

There is no way your wife or the OM told the truth at work.


Don't wait for your attorney. This fantasy will die very quickly if follow the steps required to break this affair.

You do an exposure to his wife , their co-workers, her parents and his parents . Regardless if you think the marriage is over his wife may not and I am certain going forward you do not want your children in contact with this man. 

At the same time send letters to the Chairman , Head of HR, his Manager and hers, therein you state they are using company time and resources to conduct their affair.

A sample of a company letter from the MB site



> To Whom It May Concern:
> 
> This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
> 
> ...


Step back and wait for the fallout.

Once exposed focus on you and the children.

A flag for you, if you sit back and wait for your attorney you will lose the initiative. The attorney's focus is to protect you financially secure your children and try get you primary custody. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

If you have evidence it is not slander , people do not get prosecuted for exposing affairs , imagine if he was stupid enough to try that . He would be in court with your wife having to admit to cheating , waywards don't want publicity .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> There is no way your wife or the OM told the truth at work.
> 
> 
> Don't wait for your attorney. This fantasy will die very quickly if follow the steps required to break this affair.
> ...



:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


Other Man has played you and your wife for fools. Just because you don't want your wife back doesn't mean you reward OM with a free ride. Affairs SHOULD have consequences. He's borken up two familes just so he could get in bed with your wife. Bring this sh!t crashing down on him.

The judge isn't going to be fair but that doesn't mean you can't be. Let him have it.

Look at what he's done to your children, enough said.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> If you have evidence it is not slander , people do not get prosecuted for exposing affairs , imagine if he was stupid enough to try that . He would be in court with your wife having to admit to cheating , waywards don't want publicity .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup::iagree:


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

Maybe some of y'all aren't understanding my dilemna. I have decided to wait about contacting my wife's employer until I clear it with my attorney. Not because I'm scared or worried she'll be angry with me, but bc I plan on pursuing her for both spousal and child support. But ig she's not working, where would that money come from? Also, how will it look to a judge if I get her fired? Is he going to say that I was more concerned about revenge than the well-being of my children? As much as I want to completely destroy her and the OM, I have to consider my children first and foremost, and try to keep a level head and do the smart thing.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> Maybe some of y'all aren't understanding my dilemna. I have decided to wait about contacting my wife's employer until I clear it with my attorney. Not because I'm scared or worried she'll be angry with me, but bc I plan on pursuing her for both spousal and child support. But ig she's not working, where would that money come from? Also, how will it look to a judge if I get her fired? Is he going to say that I was more concerned about revenge than the well-being of my children? As much as I want to completely destroy her and the OM, I have to consider my children first and foremost, and try to keep a level head and do the smart thing.


You have to do what you think is best and I'm sure everyone here is backing you up.

As for exposure you should at least stay in contact with POSOM's wife.

If it were me however, scorched earth wouldn't be a strong enough term.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's not only revenge,it's a attempt at ending the affair. A judge would understand that. Also I believe that support is based on what she has been making, not what she is making on the divorce day. This prevents a spouse from taking a minimum wage job to avoid support judgment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

EXCELLENT POINTS!!

Maybe some of y'all aren't understanding my dilemna. I have decided to wait about contacting my wife's employer until I clear it with my attorney. Not because I'm scared or worried she'll be angry with me, but bc I plan on pursuing her for both spousal and child support. But ig she's not working, where would that money come from? Also, how will it look to a judge if I get her fired? Is he going to say that I was more concerned about revenge than the well-being of my children? As much as I want to completely destroy her and the OM, I have to consider my children first and foremost, and try to keep a level head and do the smart thing.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

btw- make a doctor's appointment

1) get STD testing
2) discuss anti-anxiety meds, this is the most stressful time of your life and there's no shame in getting some help


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