# Couples: Sex as a 'Hobby' or Just Having Sex?



## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

From my casual observation of couples' sex lives (reading, etc), it seems that among sexually active couples there is a distinction between couples who just have sex and couples who have made sex somewhat of a hobby that they pursue together. What do I mean?

Like any other physical hobby (scuba diving, golf, fishing, mountain biking, etc) they may do some or all of the following with their sex hobby:

-put time aside where they can focus on pursuing their hobby
-perhaps plan some aspects of the activity (where, what they would like to accomplish, etc). Perhaps travel for it.
-improve and perfect their skills with their hobby and perhaps have some pride for their abilities
-keep in physical shape for it so they can perform their hobby better
-connect with others who also enjoy the same hobby (discuss in forums on the internet, chat rooms, webcams, network of friends, could also include different levels of group play for some - no judgements please these are only examples)
-read books on how to improve your skills
-buy and try different types of equipment, gadgets, clothing, etc to facilitate the hobby
-explore different niche aspects of the hobby to keep it more interesting and evolve your participation in it.
-watch and observe 'professionals' performing the activity and perhaps take some tips from them (porn or 'instruction' videos).
-participate in the hobby with a close partner and the mutual interest creates camaraderie- you share memories, stories, and photos!? even when not directly participating in the hobby.

Like with any hobby, you might not do all of the above but what I'm trying to describe is a mindset around sex. What is your perspective on this? Is sex somewhat of a hobby for you or something that you just do without giving it much thought or focus in your life? Do you think sex is a good hobby for a couple?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Even though we participate in it often, neither my husband nor I have what I would call a hobbyist mentality as indicated by the things that are on your list.

But the definition of hobby is "an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure", so for us it does fit that definition in the regularity and pleasure part, but we make it more of a priority, so it is not just a leisure time (or when we have time) activity.

But, it also is a lot more than that, it is a way for us to strengthen the bonds of our marriage, strengthen the ties that bind us together, invisibly holding us together as one when we are apart from each other every bit as much as being one when we are in the throes of it.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Oh, dear, I am going to get overwrought here, but I have strong feelings about this.

We take a spiritual attitude toward our sexual relationship. It is not a hobby for us, but a way to strengthen our bond. I am not sure when sex came to be seen as entertainment in our culture--perhaps Hugh Hefner's Playboy mentality started this.

I know that this puts us in the minority of the population, but it means that our union is sacred. Hailen speaks about his marriage being bigger than the two of them, and this is how I feel about our relationship. It is hard to explain without sounding sappy, but we both use our imaginations during sex to reach ecstasy, bliss. There is magic in two very different people coming together to please and honor each other. 

I think of the statue of St. Teresa by Bernini. She is worshipping God with her body being in sexual ecstasy.

A hobby? No way. Much more than that.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Enchantment and lovesherman both expressed my feelings perfectly.

Sex as a hobby indicates that you could share that experience with anyone and get enjoyment from it. While I might get physical pleasure from a sex act I wouldn't experience that feeling on oneness that I get with my wife. Therefore it would not be enjoyable to me. So sex as a hobby? Only if I weren't married and in love would it seem like a hobby to me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Not really a hobby, just a part of our love. We express our love often in many ways, sex is just a part of that.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Have never understood the whole 'sex is a chore' mindset. Anyone who thinks that sex is a 'chore' isn't doing it right. Either that, or they don't understand what a 'chore' is.


I've never understood that either. I believe my x wife saw it that way, though. I can't understand how a human can be married to someone they love, yet not want sex, but give in sometimes as a chore.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I agree with you. To me, a chore is scrubbing the toilet or doing the laundry.
> 
> Sex with your spouse is one of the nicest parts of marriage, whether it's the physical enjoyment, the spiritual connection or the emotional bonding, or all three.
> 
> I can't figure out why so many people want to withhold that from their spouse, let alone themselves. :scratchhead:


I could never understand it either someone who feels the opposite as you described. Apparently there are some who feel sex is "not" one of the nicest parts of marriage. I just don't get it. Isn't sex one of the main things that separates two people who are in love from any other relationship? That's one thing you don't share with everyone else. If I had just wanted a companion or someone to have fun with in life, I could have just have hung out with my friends all my life.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

couple said:


> Do you think sex is a good hobby for a couple?


I can`t think of a better one


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

tacoma said:


> I can`t think of a better one


I can't think of a better one either, or a better addiction for that matter (but these terms will offend many so take it with a grain of salt).... so long as we are only taking our spouses for the ride.

But I must admit....many of the things listed on that list is true of me...

I read books upon books, I enjoy browsing lingerie, planning romantic vacations -our pleasure time is the highlight of such vacations, I enjoy perfecting my skills to keep it exciting, enjoy sex forums , an Erotic shop to visit ...love it ....I'd pick that over any shop in the mall - I enjoy browsing Adam & Eve & we enjoy porn too, thought about getting a sex swing but didn't venture that far!

But in saying all of this.... the height of our craving for this pleasurable act is fueled by a deep abiding desire to be near to each other in the most intimate way... it is like an emotionally connected High, the thought of it brightens every day, and inspires every night...we would ache to be in each others arms if we missed even a couple days.... Emotionally speaking alone. 

There is a passion there for each other....that no other human "hobby" could dare touch in comparison.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Gee when do these people fit in eating, sleeping, working, staying in shape, talking to each other about non-sex related topics, making love, staying up with current events, continuous self improvement and learning, childcare, social relationships with relatives and friends, and household task, interacting with their kids? All of the things that add richness, depth and discovery to life need to be curtailed to take up this hobby.

If this describes sex as a hobby, you would have to be in the sex trade or independently wealthy with nothing else to do. How many different ways can you have an orgasm? It amounts to spending all of your waking moments thinking about sexual pleasure. Seems kind of empty and boring to me.

I don't see sex as sacred certainly not a chore and not a hobby. It is so integrated into our relationship I really can't tease it out to name it. It's partly pleasure, raunchy, naughty, bold, loving, comforting, challenging and many other things. It is related to a sex hobby about as much as a toy train hobby is to related to operating a locomotive. It does not compute. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

H and I do almost all that on the list...except physically sharing with others. Enjoy it as one of our favorite "hobbies"....and probably talk about it that way. 

I wouldn't want to partake in this hobby with anyone else tho!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Gee when do these people fit in eating, sleeping, working, staying in shape, talking to each other about non-sex related topics, making love, staying up with current events, continuous self improvement and learning, childcare, social relationships with relatives and friends, and household task, interacting with their kids? All of the things that add richness, depth and discovery to life need to be curtailed to take up this hobby.


Well, Mrs Beane and I do all of the above, and have a decent amount of sex too. We put time, effort and energy into all of those things, but we don't p!ss away our time on watching soap operas, football or police procedurals in the TV. Think about it: give up a soap opera (three half hour slots a week) and a crap police drama (one hour a week). Two and half hours extra for sex. Even if you were only spending half an hour before, you're suddenly time rich!:smthumbup: Another thing that helps is to not put an artificial divide between "sex" and "making love". 


> If this describes sex as a hobby, you would have to be in the sex trade or independently wealthy with nothing else to do. How many different ways can you have an orgasm? It amounts to spending all of your waking moments thinking about sexual pleasure. Seems kind of empty and boring to me.


Not really. I play wargames, keep (very) fit and do my martial arts. Ditto Mrs Beane.

Do we spend every waking moment thinking about / doing these? Do we hell! It's as well as, not instead of. 



> I don't see sex as sacred certainly not a chore and not a hobby. It is so integrated into our relationship I really can't tease it out to name it. It's partly pleasure, raunchy, naughty, bold, loving, comforting, challenging and many other things. It is related to a sex hobby about as much as a toy train hobby is to related to operating a locomotive. It does not compute.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree that "hobby" downplays its importance. I'm 99% certain our M would survive without wargaming, but it wouldn't without sex (or martial arts)


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Gee when do these people fit in eating, sleeping, working, staying in shape, talking to each other about non-sex related topics, making love, staying up with current events, continuous self improvement and learning, childcare, social relationships with relatives and friends, and household task, interacting with their kids? All of the things that add richness, depth and discovery to life need to be curtailed to take up this hobby.
> 
> If this describes sex as a hobby, you would have to be in the sex trade or independently wealthy with nothing else to do. How many different ways can you have an orgasm? It amounts to spending all of your waking moments thinking about sexual pleasure. Seems kind of empty and boring to me.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Catherine...I clearly stated that these are just examples describing a kind of mentality around sex that some people have...I never said or meant that you do ALL of these things 24 hours a day! Why would it need to get in the way of anything else in life any more than playing golf, watching sports as a fan, just watching TV, bicycling or the millions of other things people do in their free time.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Gee when do these people fit in eating, sleeping, working, staying in shape, talking to each other about non-sex related topics, making love, staying up with current events, continuous self improvement and learning, childcare, social relationships with relatives and friends, and household task, interacting with their kids? All of the things that add richness, depth and discovery to life need to be curtailed to take up this hobby.


I'm a guy, and when I was married, I found that if the sex was often, the rest didn't seem to matter too much. :smthumbup:


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*sleeping, working, staying in shape, talking to each other about non-sex related topics, making love, staying up with current events, continuous self improvement and learning, childcare, social relationships with relatives and friends, and household task, interacting with their kids? All of the things that add richness, depth and discovery to life *

:smthumbup: Of COURSE we do all this too! Life is sooooooooooo freakin good!!!

For example: Today after work (I'm a teacher) we went upstairs for about an hour and a half. Came down, visited with 20-something step-daughter. Fixed dinner, spent some quality time... will do some homework (going for my Masters)... will probably have some quality nakey time tonite at bed time too!!!


Will see grand d on Thursday...it's MY day for her! Then Friday nite is Date Nite...we'll go out and have fun, visit with friends, maybe do a little singing and dancing as we did last week end...come home and get frisky for a few hours. 

Saturday we wake up sloooooooooooooowly.... spend a little quality time together before we do our separate chores. Meet up sooner or later for lunch, (and ya, we text and flirt and touch and make out all day)...

Sunday is Open House day at Mom's. The kids, step kids, and grandkids all come over at various times.... eat, visit, whatever... 

When the door closes behind them, we go to bed early and it all starts all over again on Monday a.m.!!!!! 

Life is gooooooooooood!


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Thank you for your replies. I think that part of the difference when it's like a hobby is that you both just want to f*ck each other just for the fun of it. You don't need to create some air of romance just to get yourselves in the mood for it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

couple said:


> Thank you for your replies. I think that part of the difference when it's like a hobby is that you both just want to f*ck each other just for the fun of it. You don't need to create some air of romance just to get yourselves in the mood for it.


Well --my husband refuses to even use that word in the bedroom, and he is driven more by the emotional connection than a a lustful need for sex..for us, there is always an air of romance, we are very mushy... though I could easily madly F*ck for the fun of it, he is just not geared that way, sometimes I swear I am the man...and he is the woman! 

But it's Ok, I am not putting him down, we are just a little out of the box. At least he wants it all the time, so I am happy !


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## kauaikine (Mar 24, 2012)

Sex becomes a "Chore" when one partner is over demanding and pursuing it only or mainly for his/her own pleasure with no or little regard for the wants and needs of the partner. Yes, it happens.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well --my husband refuses to even use that word in the bedroom, and he is driven more by the emotional connection than a a lustful need for sex..for us, there is always an air of romance, we are very mushy... though I could easily madly F*ck for the fun of it, he is just not geared that way, sometimes I swear I am the man...and he is the woman!
> 
> But it's Ok, I am not putting him down, we are just a little out of the box. At least he wants it all the time, so I am happy !


Nothing wrong with getting romantic along with sex. I'm not saying that it's always one or the other. If a couple ALWAYS treats sex like a sport or a hobby, then I would think something is missing.

I agree...ladyfrog...many people will go off and have 'sport' sex with other people. It is a huge compliment when you find this level of excitement with your partner and wish to pursue this 'hobby' with them rather than with others.


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