# OW...did you SUFFER like us too?



## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

I know this is an odd question but hear me out... 

Recently, I was talking to a friend when she told me that SHE once was the OW! Her pain and suffering sounded very similar to what I suffered as the wife when my H strayed. 
Her lovers wife had found out and it ended abruptly after one year of contact. BANG, she was alone. Shocking! 
I never gave any thought to the OW; other than total distain and hatred.

After years of healing and forgiveness, I can now see there are 3heartbreaking sides to infidelity. True healing comes from understanding that we are all in this together whether we like it or not! 

So OW, tell your side of the story....How was it to forget our husbands....??? :scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There are no winners in an affair.

Whiel I don't ever discount someone's feelings, the OW/OM is not at all on the same level playing field of pain that a BS experiences. And that is mainly because they get the entire side of the story; most APs know that the person they are involved with is married/partnered. They generally willingly go into it knowing they can lose/have it end because it's not a formal relationship. They have a window into everything. Whereas, the BS does not. The BS is generally blind-sided. 

I'm not saying they don't feel pain because they surely do when the affair ends, but it is totally different from having a marriage/formal relationship with someone and finding out your spouse/partner as cheated. 

It's like the AP can see into your house but you can't see into theirs. If that makes sense.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> There are no winners in an affair.
> 
> Whiel I don't ever discount someone's feelings, the OW/OM is not at all on the same level playing field of pain that a BS experiences. And that is mainly because they get the entire side of the story; most APs know that the person they are involved with is married/partnered. They generally willingly go into it knowing they can lose/have it end because it's not a formal relationship. They have a window into everything. Whereas, the BS does not. The BS is generally blind-sided.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I could see that IF the OW had no clue about the fact that he was married. And I mean ZERO clue. If she was blindsided by the admission that he is married, along with the NC, then yes, I can see that being the case. However, if she entered into this, knowing full well that he is married, well... I don't put them on an equal field at all.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah I meant to write something about that and forgot.

If the AP doesn't know then that is a different ballgame.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

I think I should know how a BS feels; tell me something I don't know. 

I'm asking for the OW experience. Of course their not on the same playing field. You and I know that...but did they? The heart is a funny thing...caution to wind when it comes to love.

This is a question that only they can answer...don't you think? Especially if it was an emotional affair? What would we know about that. 

I'm not bitter or angry any more...I've done my fair share of emotions over the years. And maybe its because my marriage has never been better and I can handle they have to say. 

Lets be honest. Our H's must of did something too make keep coming around... 

I want to know what they were going through. Period.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ah I see, Beach. I can't offer you any insight to that.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I have a friend who is married. For close to two years also had a girl on the side. Told her he was separated from his wife, but still living together for financial reasons. Brought his young son (4-5ish) around the girl. Consistently told her he was getting a divorce. Wife gets pregnant again. He keeps this from OW. Has the baby. Keeps that secret. To the point where you couldn't even congratulate him on his FB page for the baby or she would find out. 

Well, eventually the girlfriend did find out. His sister in law tagged him on her page that she was excited to meet her new niece. He deleted it within 20 minutes but it was too late. Girlfriend sent wife a scathing message detailing their relationship. Wife kicked him out. Girlfriend wanted nothing to do with him. 

I felt bad for them (all of them) but are that many young women naive enough to believe the "separated" excuse?

Wife took him back after about 6 months. Girlfriend never heard from again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

There are all sorts of OW. My WW was someone else’s OW. And yes, she suffered. She nearly lost her family, home, and all she’d built up. Like most adulterer’s though; I don’t think gives much thought or concern to that other BW. She sort of see things through her own self centered perceptions: “What about me!?” I don’t even know if she knew one of her OM (a recent divorced) committed suicide and wonders if her involvement and dumping him had anything to do with that. I’m sure she doesn’t think about his kids and broken home. 

I know another who was a single OW (knowingly dated a married guy). She too suffered, but not as bad. It is more like a bad breakup. She was “in love” with this guy and he dumped her fast and hard when his wife found out. And sorry, she didn’t feel a lot of remorse for the BW. Part of that is the WH of coarse never said anything good about his marriage. That’s also why it was a shock to this OW. She sort of believed he was on his way out and they’d end up together... Instead she felt used and betrayed by him for getting thrown under a bus.

And one other I know. She and her OM (who was also a WH to his wife) both divorced their current spouses and married when the D was final. Still stuck in the fog with each other and have remained married with this blended family for the last 7 years. I think she feels bad about both the failed marriages, but it’s not remorse or overwhelming. I don’t know them very well anymore since I sort of broke off from speaking to them (friends of the family).

Probably not what you want to hear... But like us, there’s no reason to reconcile with that 3rd party.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

Yeah... see that is sad PhillyGuy13. Devastating really. I often wonder what the H/W is telling the OW/OM? 

We are so quick to judge the other woman/man. 

Now does that mean I would be friends with them...HELL NO! 

Here's the deal...do they bleed like us. Or do they dust themselves off and looks for another???

To be honest, I very proud of myself to have come this far. I actually am at the point where I am curious about the "other side". Think about that....that's got to be growth!


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

Thanks RACER....good info!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

beachbabe said:


> This is a question that only they can answer...don't you think? *Especially if it was an emotional affair? What would we know about that.*


That's the perspective of my reply... that of the WS/OW in an EA. It doesn't even come close to that of what the BS feels. I've been on all three sides: WW, OW, and BW, all within a short period of time. I stand by my response... it doesn't even compare to what the BS feels.

ETA: For my husband and myself, it was all EA, no PA at all. I cannot speak to how anyone in that situation feels... and hope I never experience any side of that.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Racer said:


> *Still stuck in the fog with each other and have remained married with this blended family for the last 7 years*. I think she feels bad about both the failed marriages, but it’s not remorse or overwhelming. I don’t know them very well anymore since I sort of broke off from speaking to them (friends of the family).


After seven years, can you still call it a fog?


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

If you want to know how OW's think and feel, Google "loveshack OW OM"


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I can't answer as the OW but I'll put it out there. There are predatory OW who do not care and set out to target married men with money, power, fame...doesn't excuse the WH one bit. 

But I've spent almost a year deconstructing the OW in my life. Know your enemy...

She has a clear consistent pattern. She is a young female player. She knows what she's up against. The OW even if she gets her "prize" sometimes is done. Conquest is made, she took her competition down. On to the next victim. The "OW" in my case does this for sport. My H was dumb enough to enter her competition. I'm sorting through the wreckage. I don't feel bad for her. I'm not giving my WH a pass. 

Not all females are romantics at heart. Not all men are just looking for sex. Again sticky topic. I don't think we get many OW posting here. The women posting are a minority it seems.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

beachbabe said:


> I know this is an odd question but hear me out...
> 
> Recently, I was talking to a friend when she told me that SHE once was the OW! Her pain and suffering sounded very similar to what I suffered as the wife when my H strayed.
> Her lovers wife had found out and it ended abruptly after one year of contact. BANG, she was alone. Shocking!
> ...


It always amazes me that they are shocked when they (OW) find out they are being lied to.. imagine that, he didn't want a soul mate.. he wanted a playmate... 

A clue that he's a liar... if he's cheating on his wife with you dumb dumb....


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Few people here know this...we don't talk about it much...but Mr JA had an EA...for lack of a better description.
> 
> He was injured by my infidelity...so he pursued a young single lady while attending summer classes at college. He told her up front that he was married and that I had cheated. They dated, they made out, she told him she wanted him. He says he never felt anything for her...he simply wanted to see if he was desirable. At the end of the semester it was over.
> 
> ...


He saw it in the paper, or he's been keeping tabs on her? Does he have a lock on his phone?

(joking.. some of that dark humour...)


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

In this post, something triggered what the OW texted my H....'I've had other married men before and it doesn't work out very well for me'. How had I forgotten this??? 

Could it be that the OW/OM are mostly repeat offenders regardless of their pass experiences? Holy cow! :scratchhead:

Well, you know the saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"...

I think I wanted to hear they have a soul and maybe remorse...Is that too much to ask.

Case by case basis...or not???? That is the million dollar question?


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## standinginthegap (Jan 16, 2014)

beachbabe said:


> I know this is an odd question but hear me out...
> 
> Recently, I was talking to a friend when she told me that SHE once was the OW! Her pain and suffering sounded very similar to what I suffered as the wife when my H strayed.
> Her lovers wife had found out and it ended abruptly after one year of contact. BANG, she was alone. Shocking!
> ...



I understand where you are coming from but there are two aspects in my eyes to look at.

1.) Did the other woman know the guy was married, if the answer to that question is yes the way I view this would be total different
2.) Or was she lied to and then found out later, rather it be her being comforted or he finally told her the truth.

In scenario #2, I would somewhat be understanding because falling in love with someone and later find out he is married it might be hard to detach those feelings after they have already formed. Not saying it is right but can be understood.

But if it is #1, the OW is a damn fool if she wanna talk about being heart broken and woe is me, because you willingly entered into whatever you wanna call it with a man you very well knew was married.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

russell28 said:


> He saw it in the paper, or he's been keeping tabs on her? Does he have a lock on his phone?
> 
> (joking.. some of that dark humour...)


russell, don't be an instigator! :nono:


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I know of (and met once at a party) an OW who has been WAITING for 10 years for the H to leave his wife. They go on trips together, etc, weekends. It's absolutely crazy. From what I heard, she is madly in love with him and is willing to take the scraps he serves. Sad, so sad. I just don't understand. So, yes, in this case, the OW is suffering quite a bit...

And another story: a friend of mine (man) was having an affair. He told the OW that he wanted to divorce his wife and that he was unhappy and unfulfilled in the relationship. She said she would help him find the courage to go through with the divorce so that they could be together. They were together for months. Turned out he was actually just trying to get his wife's attention. He did see a lawyer to find out his rights, but he basically wanted his wife to pay more attention to him. The wife found out (because he left clues), starting paying more attention to him, he dumped the AP like a hot potato. From what he said, she was devastated.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

staystrong said:


> After seven years, can you still call it a fog?


Yes. 'Fog' as in they never really reflected on themselves, why they started the relationship and what damage they did. It is one of the worst affair stories I know with the level of betrayal. I stopped talking to them when all that I ever heard was consistent wayward speak about 'a right to be happy', 'getting married to them (the ex's) was a mistake', and revisionist history, etc. Corrupted, unremorseful souls... In their heads, it's a love story still.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

russell28 said:


> He saw it in the paper, or he's been keeping tabs on her? Does he have a lock on his phone?
> 
> (joking.. some of that dark humour...)



You know it is a small world and the OM/OW do go on. You can go NC you can do whatever you want. They still exist and can pop up in strange ways. I ran into an old middle school friend at an Airport (remote one ) in British Columbia it was surreal. 

I still have a home in the same small town I grew up in. So I see the news of those who never left. I know what my Ex is up to because he coaches my nephews soccer team. I've not seen or spoken to him in over 20 years. Can't stop my sister from doing so. I Never seem to run into anyone from my past I'd like to see.:scratchhead:


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Check out the Other Woman forum at Experience Project. Oh me oh my, do they suffer!


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> He keeps a close eye on the OM....I have never looked him up...don't care...but mr JA...knows everything about him. When he's feeling bad...he tells me...not sure if he is looking for a reaction. I have told him a million times...I never think about him unless you make me. I do not flipping care. He says he watches for his demise


Burned at the stake, if I recall...


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

beachbabe said:


> I know this is an odd question but hear me out...
> 
> Recently, I was talking to a friend when she told me that SHE once was the OW! Her pain and suffering sounded very similar to what I suffered as the wife when my H strayed.
> Her lovers wife had found out and it ended abruptly after one year of contact. BANG, she was alone. Shocking!
> ...


This is BS.

OW, assuming she is informed that the man IS married, INVITES any pain she may go through. No sympathy there.

If you are a BS, you aren't inviting pain into your life by marrying, you don't sign up for a marriage expecting to get cheated on.

If you are OW you KNOW you are beating on hornets nest with a stick.

BIG DIFFERENCE. And that difference is where i draw the line on "pain" and sympathy for OW OR OM for that matter.

Sorry, I have ZERO sympathy for OW who know the man is married and pursue him anyways. Even if that pursuit is to their detriment.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> *It's like the AP can see into your house but you can't see into theirs.*


*You hit the proverbial nail squarely on the head there, Girl!
*


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> *Not all females are romantics at heart. Not all men are just looking for sex*. Again sticky topic. I don't think we get many OW posting here. The women posting are a minority it seems.


Does it really matter what the primary and secondary agendas are?

The OW and OM are 

a. deceiving
b. sneaking around
c. trespassing
d. interfering
e. insulting
f. humiliating
g. attacking a family unit

It really does not matter if they are after sex 100% or romance 100% or (in most cases) a mix of both.

The end result is the same.

All "romance" does is add a pretty decorations onto a big pile of mold that can't last long in the sunlight.

You want to decorate mold with perfume and pretty lights?

I dont'. it's promiscuous and ought to be treated just the same.

A lot of women in particular want off the hook, or expect to get off the hook, because they are "in love".

Sorry, no sympathy there. Do guys get a shorter sentence by declaring they are "in lust?"

It's lying, it's cheating, and it's offensive to human sensibilities.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

I guess the bottom line is, that in my case; she most definitely knew he was married SO therefore its a whole other level of betrayal. 

Sad really. I have gotten to the point where my marriage is better post affair than it was before. So, there is this WEIRD relationship that you have with the OW (unbeknownst to her of course) you totally hate her BUT you also are secretly grateful that it happened...I know sounds weird. 
Our counsellor told me that we were doing so well in therapy last year that it would be that way, that one day, I would want to thank her. 

If you want my secret as to what I had to do to recover? 
I decided early on that the best revenge I could have on her would be to make my marriage the best ever. (Of course, my H was VERY sorry and regrets bitterly his interactions with her. That's the only way it could have worked for me.)


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> There are no winners in an affair.
> 
> Whiel I don't ever discount someone's feelings, the OW/OM is not at all on the same level playing field of pain that a BS experiences. And that is mainly because they get the entire side of the story; most APs know that the person they are involved with is married/partnered. They generally willingly go into it knowing they can lose/have it end because it's not a formal relationship. They have a window into everything. Whereas, the BS does not. The BS is generally blind-sided.
> 
> ...


The AP rarely gets an accurate picture.

I am not defending the AP whatsoever.

Just saying the AP gets lied to most of the time as well.

But I think MOST OW and OM know enough that they ought to be walking away.

OW and OM get stories about the BS and Wayward not sleeping in same bed, not having sex, living as strangers, planning to divorce, etc...

But if you KNOW the person you are dating is married, and you choose to believe they are telling you 100% truth, you are in my opinion fully accountable.

You are fully accountable, even with less than 100% of the story since you know enough that you ought not be involved.

Married should mean "get lost."

Far too often OW and OM make this ridiculous distinction between "married" and "happily married"... as if by some miracle the OW OR OW knows what's going on in the home they have rarely even entered or seen.

Again, i am not defending them. I am just saying they don't have the full picture, but they willingly accept an obscured view and move forward anyways.

If someone tosses mud all over my windshield, I stop driving.

With an AP, they just keep going anyhow, fooling themselves into thinking they can see what's going on.

So, not defending, just saying, they don't have the whole story.

They DO have more of the story they ought to have (should be ZERO, the marriage is none of their business), but they rarely have the 100%.

I think if the AP DID have the full picture then there may be fewer AP's out there?

What percent of AP don't know their spouse is married? What percent DO find out, but after having had sex with the wayward?


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

beachbabe said:


> Our counsellor told me that we were doing so well in therapy last year that it would be that way, that one day, I would want to thank her.


Sorry, but that's ridiculous.

OW didn't improve your marriage, you improved it.. despite OW's interference.

Despite her interference, is hardly something I would be thanking her for.

You chose to improve it. That has nothing to do with her.

Take full credit yourself. Share none with her. And that's what you do when you thank her. You let her off the hook some.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

AllenA...don't worry I would NEVER personally thank her; It would have to come with a fist sandwich. No seriously.

This is not to feel sorry them, HELL NO. I wanted to KNOW if they suffered like us. Sorry, but it would give me...for a better word, satisfaction! 
But thank you for you compliment. It was hard work to recover! VERY Hard!!! You right, I did this on my own.  Thanks


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Someone mentioned a story about two WS marrying their affair partners. Thought it would be important to mention my experience.

My father had an affair. He married the other woman. It was only until recently that he confessed to me that he regret ever having affair. And he never married the other woman. He said he remains married because due to him cheating he is not likely to find anyone better.
A negative effect of the affair is all of his children are very distant or cold towards him and his current wife. And from what I hear he gets the same treatment from her family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> He keeps a close eye on the OM....I have never looked him up...don't care...but mr JA...knows everything about him. When he's feeling bad...he tells me...not sure if he is looking for a reaction. I have told him a million times...I never think about him unless you make me. I do not flipping care. He says he watches for his demise


I keep an eye on the OM as well. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

From mutual acquaintances, I know my H's OW misses their EA. I know she is embarrassed about her role in it all. She was well aware he was a husband and father and chose to cling to him like a mutating virus.

Ultimately, she did not make a vow to me and my H is to blame, but this thread is about the OW, so....

I know she knows we are in R and doing very well. Success is the best revenge!

Edit: I also keep an eye on her. Should I feel bad that she has put on 25 lbs???


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

beachbabe said:


> AllenA...don't worry I would NEVER personally thank her; *It would have to come with a fist sandwich*. No seriously.


:toast:


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> From mutual acquaintances, I know my H's OW misses their EA. I know she is embarrassed about her role in it all. She was well aware he was a husband and father and chose to cling to him like a mutating virus.


I just don't understand this. Who would want to hang on and be second best? So many of them do this... Just as in the two stories I mentioned. And I have more stories, all with OW thinking they are somehow the favored ones... :scratchhead:


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> From mutual acquaintances, I know my H's OW misses their EA. I know she is embarrassed about her role in it all. She was well aware he was a husband and father and chose to cling to him like a mutating virus.
> 
> Ultimately, she did not make a vow to me and my H is to blame, but this thread is about the OW, so....
> 
> ...



My stbxw's AP played her like a dime store guitar, then tossed her away and continued banging anything that moves (which I _guarantee_ he was doing whilst he was banging my wife). 

He was/is a complete and utter man-wh*re and you can tell that by looking at him. The only one it was lost on was my WW. Pathetic.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

beachbabe said:


> I know this is an odd question but hear me out...
> 
> Recently, I was talking to a friend when she told me that SHE once was the OW! Her pain and suffering sounded very similar to what I suffered as the wife when my H strayed.
> Her lovers wife had found out and it ended abruptly after one year of contact. BANG, she was alone. Shocking!
> ...


Apologies if this had already been said, but I thought I would write this while its in my head rather than getting to the end of the thread (though this has never worked that well for me!). 

Of course the OW gets hurt too, that is if we are talking about a classic 'fall in love' situation, rather than a predator who makes it their ambition to take attached men and treat them as conquests.

However, she will never be hurt like a blindsided BS...lots of similarities, but not the added sh*t on top. 

She will be hurt like a person who has been dumped by someone they love. Hurt, rejection, depression. Hopes and dreams dashed. But there is not necessarily the added ****tail of poison. The commitment of marriage, forsaken all others, deep deep betrayal, children involved, many years invested, the far reaching and hugely betraying lies that are told to a person who is dedicated to one other, and only that one. 

An OW could indeed have many of these BS feelings, technically she could be a BS also if she believed the clap trap he tells her, but one difference is mostly true...she knows he is attached and so will always know he is already a WH, someone she is already having to share, and will hold back knowing the possibilities she is playing with. 

The BW always knew her husband was single when she met him, and he then became hers. She thought he was/is/feels the same. And so she will give more of herself to him than OW would give on that premise. She had the single man, honeymoon period, all to herself. OW never did. 

Thus, a BW will always hurt, be more betrayed, far more than any naive or not so naive OW, who is knowingly an OW.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Philat said:


> Check out the Other Woman forum at Experience Project. Oh me oh my, do they suffer!


I won't say my true feelings beyond think the worst and double it... That is how I feel after reading 3 post on that website.. 

Triple those feelings for my EX and the Other man.. 

I cannot imagine me EVER forgiving either of them.. I can only hope she leaves him one day for someone else and he ends up killing himself or the both of them..


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

beachbabe said:


> Our counsellor told me that we were doing so well in therapy last year that it would be that way, that one day, I would want to thank her.


IOW, the OW was a "blessing in disguise" according to the counselor. I cannot fathom this mode of thinking. As if you and your H were not the ones doing the work in therapy.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Philat said:


> IOW, the OW was a "blessing in disguise" according to the counselor. I cannot fathom this mode of thinking. As if you and your H were not the ones doing the work in therapy.


Exactly! That's what I was thinking.

If the therapist had told me that I would have gotten up and walked out on that quack.

People seem to have so much trouble these days applying credit for accomplishment and accountability for damage. It really isn't that hard to distinguish the difference, but people f it up on a daily basis.

The connections people make continue to astonish.


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## standinginthegap (Jan 16, 2014)

Omego said:


> I just don't understand this. Who would want to hang on and be second best? So many of them do this... Just as in the two stories I mentioned. And I have more stories, all with OW thinking they are somehow the favored ones... :scratchhead:


The OW/OM are in a fairy tale world and they believe the lies and think I'm the exception that she/he wouldn't do it to me.

NEWS FLASH: If they cheated with you, they will cheat on you.

I don't understand how an OM/OW can trust the BS, if they couldn't even be faithful to their spouse the one they made vows to, what makes you think they are going to do it with you.

My dad cheated on my mother(they weren't married but engaged to be) and he married the woman he was unfaithful with. They aren't together anymore got divorced because he cheated on her, and she talked stuff about him and other woman when he did. What I fail to understand is how she tripped over him cheating say I thought he would never do something like that to me but yet you was the OW he cheated with, I don't get this. :scratchhead:


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> Married should mean "get lost."
> 
> Far too often OW and OM make this ridiculous distinction between "married" and "happily married"... as if by some miracle the OW OR OW knows what's going on in the home they have rarely even entered or seen.
> had sex with the wayward?


You are SO right about this! Married is Married...happy or not! Somehow they justify their behavior because 'he told me they weren't happy' UGH!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

You know, my SIL has been having an affair with a married co-worker and my BIL found out that this POS has cheated on his wife in the past. If this POS cheats on her or decides to get back with his wife, I hope my SIL's heart breaks in a million pieces. That is only a sliver of devastation that my BIL is going through.


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## standinginthegap (Jan 16, 2014)

Philat said:


> Check out the Other Woman forum at Experience Project. Oh me oh my, do they suffer!


OMG, just spent the last few hours browsing that site and I'm thinking WTF, seriously. There are OW out there who gives support to OW telling them their MM(married man) actually loves them and it's ok. Seriously, like seriously.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My fiance had an EA overlapping our relationship. And then I heard the usual "she's such a good friend" routine but he never made the effort to introduce. So yes, I smelled a rat.

And found lots of receipts, credit card statements and messaging of various sorts that would suggest more than friendship. They talked quite a bit about me and she gave him advice about our relationship.

I simply said, you can keep her as a friend but I will be dating other men. It's best to get these things straight before you're married. Thanks goodness for TAM for all stages of relationship.

At the very least, I would say the OW in this case got her ego trampled on. How would feel at the ripe young age of 29 learning that the guy who was once chasing you would rather dump you for a 50 yo (and one with cancer). 

She has tried in the last 3 years to "invite" him to LinkedIn twice which he has ignored. She's a social worker, he's an IP lawyer so their professions do not cross paths anywhere.

Maybe, just maybe several years on, now 33, she is wondering if she will ever find a decent enough guy who will marry her (excess 50 pounds and all). Or maybe not.

One thing I do feel certain of is that she is an archetype of the 20 and 30 something women these days who want "to hang out with a guy as if it were a date (he pays, he provides transportation, she discourages other women from meeting/ talking to him) while she feels entitled to keep looking. For those types of women, married men might be just the antidote.

Some men fall for this arrangement until they figure out they will never have girlfriend with this "friend" still hanging around.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

I don't want to thread jack but I am interested in the suffering of the WS myself. They seem to get away with less pain than the OM/OW or BS. Going to start a new thread for this......


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