# He told me that he will not tolerate my behavior since i tried to help friend w work



## findinparadise (Jun 28, 2017)

So, i had a friend/colleague ask me to do a last minute job out of state this week. I told him i couldn’t. My boyfriend would flip if I took a last minute trip to Las Vegas for this job. He is very jealous.

So I told my colleague i could get someone for him. I did. Well today that persona cancelled. The event is TOMORROW. I felt horrible.. I told my bf i couldn’t talk on the phone during this crisis because I had to quickly find his replacement. He said what? Now you are just going to have to go to Vegas suddenly? this has been your plan all along.

I said NO — I need to get off the phone to work the lines and find a replacement! 

He said he saw writing on the wall and a last minute trip to Vegas for “work” would not be “tolerated”. 

I said I need to get off this phone. This is not about yOU. This is about a panic to get this fixed asap — I need to work the phones! 
He said so what you are saying is your friend — this job — which isn’t YOUR job — is more important that talking to me? I said YES right now i Have to go!

He siad I should just say “oh well” to my colleague and ask for payment if they want further help from me. I said I’m a person of my word and i wouldn’t want anyone else to go through this -- so i'm trying to help where i promised i would

He said “wow” you are unbelievable. You are trying to go to Vegas without me and doing this show. Just fyi this again will “not be tolerated” and is “unacceptable”

I got off phone — found someone to replace my airhead who blew us off — and fixed the problem.

He still keeps asking — so what time are you leaving for the airport? I know what you are doing. 
\How would you deal with this? Your BF doesn’t offer to help but actually says that he thinks you are secretly plotting — when a crisis at work hits?


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## findinparadise (Jun 28, 2017)

Please just want honest advice please.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

He sounds like a nutter. He's only your bf so dumping him shouldn't be too much trouble.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are you and how old is your boyfriend? Are you living together? Why can't you say no to your colleague, knowing how your boyfriend reacts to out of state trips without him. Is this colleague of yours male & are you travelling to Las Vegas together. You need to give specific details about this colleague and as to why your boyfriend behaves in this manner.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

I'll go to Vegas for you. Call me next time.

Do you really want to hang onto this jealous, controlling bf? I would not.

What's your question?


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## findinparadise (Jun 28, 2017)

We are both 36. I never even asked to go on this trip. It isn't about my friend though. Is about anyone. Even if it was my best gf he would freak out. 

And yes we live together. 

I should also add this is crazy for him because we need money. He left me a few months ago. I got an apartment. 

I still have a lease with hefty rent that I must finish. I have moved back in with him and he wants me to pay my lease and half of all his bills. I can barely afford that. 

He eats he thinks I am just hiding money from him and pretending I don't have enough 





Roselyn said:


> How old are you and how old is your boyfriend? Are you living together? Why can't you say no to your colleague, knowing how your boyfriend reacts to out of state trips without him. Is this colleague of yours male & are you travelling to Las Vegas together. You need to give specific details about this colleague and as to why your boyfriend behaves in this manner.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So move to your apartment and dump the bf. He's mental, you're not married, you have a place to live free of him. Simple.


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## findinparadise (Jun 28, 2017)

He has done a darn good job of making me feel responsible for these things. How do I look bavk without regrets? 



MJJEAN said:


> So move to your apartment and dump the bf. He's mental, you're not married, you have a place to live free of him. Simple.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Agree with everyone above. This guy is not mature/stable enough to be a worthy partner, and it doesn't sound like he's going to change at this point, especially since he's in his mid thirties.

The overall equation here is really very simple. You have responsibilities. You must meet certain performance expectations as a condition of your employment. You may even have a desire to advance, and shirking your professional duties is not going to help. 

Any man worth his salt would want you to be successful, and wouldn't want to be with someone so easily dissuaded from legitimate responsibilities. 

If he's not willing to be an adult, you must.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is the kind of work that someone would have to travel to Vegas to do? 

Does your boyfriend ever have to travel for work?

From what you have said so far, I think you need to leave this guy.

He's jealousy is out of hand. And his insistence that you have to pay half his rent, when you are still paying your own due to him have left you it beyond ridiculous.

Why are you putting up with this?


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## findinparadise (Jun 28, 2017)

I produce videos for big conferences. Nothing crazy as Vegas would imply. 

But they are big jobs. Lots of hard work. He seems to think I would end up being hit on by the wealthy men I might interview.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

findinparadise said:


> He has done a darn good job of making me feel responsible for these things. How do I look bavk without regrets?


He's manipulative. Block him from contact and he can't manipulate you. 

You aren't responsible for his insecurities or his controlling and manipulative behavior.

Avoid looking back by looking forward. I'd be willing to bet you'd regret staying more than moving on.


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## findinparadise (Jun 28, 2017)

When we broke up the last time I was devastated. I was like a drug addict looking for my drug. 

How long does it take to heal from a relationship so close? As you can imagine we are always together and/or in communication. 

Most of it is him out of fear...I'm sure. But the silence was so terrifying to me and I cried so much. Couldn't sleep. 

Why am I so affected my him?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Weirdo567,

I'm not sure why you keep creating new accounts here because we all tell you the same thing every single time. 

You are in a sick relationship with a sick man. Since you seem unable to leave him, you need to get psychiatric help. 

Please get the help you need. But there is nothing we can do for you here because you refuse to follow TAM's rules.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You need to leave your boyfriend. Go back to your apartment. This is an unhealthy relationship. Do not pay any of his bills. Be responsible for yourself only & work on being emotionally independent from your boyfriend.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Hmm. Jealous. Paranoid. Controlling. Codependent. Accusatory. Sounds healthy to me!

Seriously, he has issues. I could understand him not wanting you to go with a male colleague, but otherwise, his attitude is a red flag.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

And you put up with this complete douche canoe because.....why?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

findinparadise said:


> He seems to think I would end up being hit on by the wealthy men I might interview.


You should.

Then you wouldn't have been in a position where you were foolish enough to move back in with this flaming ass-wipe.


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## NickTheChemist (Apr 26, 2017)

findinparadise said:


> So, i had a friend/colleague ask me to do a last minute job out of state this week. I told him i couldn’t. My boyfriend would flip if I took a last minute trip to Las Vegas for this job. He is very jealous.
> 
> So I told my colleague i could get someone for him. I did. Well today that persona cancelled. The event is TOMORROW. I felt horrible.. I told my bf i couldn’t talk on the phone during this crisis because I had to quickly find his replacement. He said what? Now you are just going to have to go to Vegas suddenly? this has been your plan all along.
> 
> ...


Wow--scary level of controlling. Sounds like the dude needs to grow up and get help with anger before he can be in an adult relationship. Sounds way too possessive, which is likely to push you into doing something like this. 

Dump him. Go to Vegas and have fun. Consider what qualities you want in a man if you want a LTR.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

One of the early warning signals from an abuser is someone who makes it difficult for you to find and keep a job. Pretty soon this guy / your bf will be visitng you at the office giving everyone a creepy feeling.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OP, you may be codependent, and need to deal with that issue in order to leave him and stay gone. Perhaps individual counseling would help you overcome this neediness and gain some needed perspective. It isn't healthy to be so obsessed with someone that you accept abusive behavior.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Other than the obvious - leave this guy yesterday...

How is it you took ownership of your friends last minute need. Isn't it your friends problem to resolve? You can't be responsible for everyone's work or bad planning. Don't you have your own work to do?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

findinparadise said:


> We are both 36. I never even asked to go on this trip. It isn't about my friend though. Is about anyone. Even if it was my best gf he would freak out.
> 
> And yes we live together.
> 
> ...


*He sounds rather paranoid to me! Is that really what you want to put up with?*


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Wow!!!! So little information and he's a controlling douchbag?

I don't buy it without more context.
@findinparadise tell us about your relationship. Has there been infidelity? Inappropriate opposite sex friendships?

Is there anything in your past that would cause him to be triggered by this?

Do guys hit on you a lot? Do you talk to other guys in front of your BF? Do you attend a lot of social events where you put attention on other men?

Your bf could be jealous and controlling, or your behaviors could make him feel unsafe in the relationship. We can't help unless we have more insight into this 


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And you put up with this complete douche canoe because.....why?


This is one of those posts that have my spidey senses tingling. I feel like we are getting had the story with no self analysis or introspection. Most people can talk solely about how they were wronged, but often avoid what they did or how they may be exaggerating to make them feel better.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think it's nearly this obviously cut and dry.


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## gossipgirl (Jun 29, 2017)

My ex-boyfriend used to be this controlling. It got to the point that I felt that if I did not do thing the way he wanted we would fight or he would just yell at me to the point that it made me feel so horrible. He wanted to control me and make me feel that he is always the victim. Girl be proud of your work. This man is not worth the stress. My ex-boyfriend causes me so much anxiety I did not even realize. He is way to controlling sweet. You are a strong women. You have a great job that allows you to travel. Use the trips and do your job. Very such make excuses for your boyfriend when you know that he is only hurting you and not allowing you to grow. He is not allowing you to grow and move up in the work place. Sweetie you should not be with someone like that and I think you know this deep down. You just need us to help show you that you deserve more and you are not alone. When you break up its not easy to start over. Everything is going to be alright. You will feel so much better within time. I just do not want you to be in a controlling relationship. I would not even wish that on my enemies. I went through it. Trust me break up with him. You truly need your friend and they will help you to move things out and even your parents can help and use the help from your friends and love ones. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve more! You are a strong women do not forget that!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Haven't read any of the replies yet, but if this were my boyfriend, he wouldn't be for much longer. Life is too short to be treated like he's treating you, especially since the situation sounds pretty tame. I'd say that this relationship is unhealthy, probably heading towards toxic. Are you living together? Is it possible to move out on your own?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

findinparadise said:


> When we broke up the last time I was devastated. I was like a drug addict looking for my drug.
> 
> How long does it take to heal from a relationship so close? As you can imagine we are always together and/or in communication.
> 
> ...


My guess is that you're so affected by him because he seems to have a huge amount of control over you and your life, and has probably done a good job of telling you that you couldn't survive without him. You can though, survive without him, and anyone else who treats you like that.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Does he have a reason to not trust you on work trips? 

If there is no reason, then you need to detach and go find someone else that isn't a nut.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

The poster was banned.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Wow!!!! So little information and he's a controlling douchbag?
> 
> I don't buy it without more context.
> 
> ...


This posters is a troll, Weirdo567, who has posted here under more than 80 different user names. So we know her story. So yea, a lot of us recognize her right off when she posts. A lot of her know her story and know things like when she broke her hand trying to keep her from leaving the house. That he keeps spy cameras running IN THE HOUSE so he can keep track of what she is doing from his desk at his medical practice.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Ha.. I love the interwebz!


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> This posters is a troll, Weirdo567, who has posted here under more than 80 different user names. So we know her story. So yea, a lot of us recognize her right off when she posts. A lot of her know her story and know things like when she broke her hand trying to keep her from leaving the house. That he keeps spy cameras running IN THE HOUSE so he can keep track of what she is doing from his desk at his medical practice.


80!? That's impressive. Is that the record?


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## gswfan (Apr 14, 2017)

He sounds really selfish.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> This posters is a troll, Weirdo567, who has posted here under more than 80 different user names. So we know her story. So yea, a lot of us recognize her right off when she posts. A lot of her know her story and know things like when she broke her hand trying to keep her from leaving the house. That he keeps spy cameras running IN THE HOUSE so he can keep track of what she is doing from his desk at his medical practice.




Ugh I wish wife at unease was a troll post. In fact there are many posts here that I wish were fake 


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