# Just done!!!!



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I haven't posted anything in a while. Well I did yesterday because I am pregnant and going to have a baby girl and I had to share!!! anyway....

I don't know where to start really. I can say that it is the same exact thing as it has been over the years, though it changed for a short while and things were looking up, but it has started all over again.. I am really lost, I am ****ing tired of it. 

Again haven't had sex in a little while (months) and usually when this happens there is something up (I am not an idiot) I was looking for a phone number on h's phone this morning for a reference for my son (another story) I decided to look at the browser history on his phone, bad idea.. Porn and lots of it. We talked about this last Sept.. I told him if i found the **** again I am done.. It isn't about the porn, per say it is because we aren't having SEX at all. He is never in the mood, I wonder why?? I want sex pregnant or not.. My needs don't matter to him I guess. No matter how much I talk to him it goes in one ear and out the other... He doesn't give a **** about me. 

I am just so tired of it and he doesn't give a ****, obviously. Me finding a job isn't working out.. I have been applying for OVER a year now and now that I am pregnant no one will hire a 5 month pregnant woman! It's not like I can hide it at this point.But i haven't given up, I am still trying to get something, anything..

I don't know what in the hell I am going to do now. I am tired of living like this, I cant do it anymore and I am not going to.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

ladybird said:


> I haven't posted anything in a while. Well I did yesterday because I am pregnant and going to have a baby girl and I had to share!!! anyway....
> 
> I don't know where to start really. I can say that it is the same exact thing as it has been over the years, though it changed for a short while and things were looking up, but it has started all over again.. I am really lost, I am ****ing tired of it.
> 
> ...


I loved having sex with my when she was pregnant. She was very horny then
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

He blames it on everyone but himself.... He said it was because he saw my 19 year old son watching it.. Whatever... I told him I am done... I said "you aren't interested in me" he said "how can i be... What the **** ever... I am so tired of his ****ing ****.. Done Done Done.

****ing hurtful asshat... 16 years of my life down the drain for what!!!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Have you tried counseling?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> Have you tried counseling?


 Nope he won't go. I have told him that I thought it may be a good idea to go... He doesn't think there is anything WRONG!!! Little to late now anyway =(


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Sorry for all the swear words in my above post..


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Does he feel like this is a separate part of his life? Like he feels this has nothing to do with his real life, you and his family? an escape from reality? I would tell him about your thoughts and needs and one of those needs is counseling. Does he shut down when you talk about this or will he really communicate about this possible fantasy life and how this is hurting his family?


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Ladybird, most guys look at porn, but I agree it crosses the line when it takes precedence over the partners needs/wants. My wife was rather wanting and accommodating during her pregnancies so I understand your frustration if you don't get any attention.
I agree with harry's response, make sure you are communicating clearly to him how you feel. 
I could understand him leaving you alone when your in the last 6 weeks or so, but at only 5 months along he's missing out.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

harrybrown said:


> Does he feel like this is a separate part of his life? Like he feels this has nothing to do with his real life, you and his family? an escape from reality? I would tell him about your thoughts and needs and one of those needs is counseling. Does he shut down when you talk about this or will he really communicate about this possible fantasy life and how this is hurting his family?


 I don't know, but it has really effected our relationship.. He doesn't want to talk about it, he blames it on everyone else, instead of himself..

I have told him many times how I feel and what my needs are and he continues to ignore them. When I try to talk to him about this or anything he just becomes and *******. He will not talk to me!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

badcompany said:


> Ladybird, most guys look at porn, but I agree it crosses the line when it takes precedence over the partners needs/wants. My wife was rather wanting and accommodating during her pregnancies so I understand your frustration if you don't get any attention.
> I agree with harry's response, make sure you are communicating clearly to him how you feel.
> I could understand him leaving you alone when your in the last 6 weeks or so, but at only 5 months along he's missing out.


 I get that most guys look at porn, that is not the issue. We go months on end without sex and he tells me no he isn't in the mood. He chooses that over his wife... I am tired of feeling like my feelings/wants or needs don't matter to him. He could care less. Why should I continue to care if he doesn't? I am just going to cut my self off completely from him and move the hell on! Not that it would matter in the least bit to him.. Guess he had better start looking for his next maid cuz porn isn't going to clean up after him and cook for him and wash his laundry!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

ladybird said:


> I haven't posted anything in a while. Well I did yesterday because I am pregnant and going to have a baby girl and I had to share!!! anyway....
> 
> I don't know where to start really. I can say that it is the same exact thing as it has been over the years, though it changed for a short while and things were looking up, but it has started all over again.. I am really lost, I am ****ing tired of it.
> 
> ...



I really feel for you. Sorry to hear you're going through this crap!!

I will say congrats on being pregnant. :smthumbup:

So he blames his porn viewing on everyone but himself? Sounds like he was a porn addict way back......and has a very high sex drive.

Was he viewing porn and had a low to no sex drive from day 1 you met him???

I honestly don't view porn unless I am dying and haven't had sex in 1 month or longer. Then I go crazy and its 3x in that day. Not proud of this but I cant deal with my LD wife.

I think once you cut yourself off from him, he will then miss what to you gave him. His loss.

And you have a healthy sex drive even being pregnant? Wow. That's awesome. He is totally missing out.

Hopefully he clues in, gets help and does what's best for you and the baby and not getting his rocks off.

Not justifying his selfish behavior but have you secretly found out what types of porn he likes? If you surprised him and did that with him, do you think it would change things?:scratchhead:


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CuddleBug said:


> I really feel for you. Sorry to hear you're going through this crap!!
> 
> I will say congrats on being pregnant. :smthumbup:
> 
> ...


 No i haven't and I really don't care to. I have sent him dirty pictures and bought a toy. With the pictures he told me it was inappropriate and he had major issues with the toy I did get I even asked him if he wanted to watch and he just gave me a WTF look and never gave me an answer. 

This has been going on for years and over those years it has gotten much worse.. I don't trust him, who the hell knows what else he is doing.


I am at a complete and utter loss. this isn't the first incident it is like the 500th. I can't keep doing this crap... I guess he expects me to be celibate or something because of his habit, I guess that since i am a woman I don't have needs..

I also told him back in March that if it happens again I am gone.. I want a sex life.. Things were good for a while and around the beginning of Jan it started to taper off again and now we have had sex 2 times in 5 months.

I told him that I am done today.. I said you aren't interested in me anyway, he then said "how can I be interested" So that so did it for me, i will not stay where I am not wanted.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Are you guys both fit?

Was there types of sex he wanted and you weren't into?

Only time I was a porn addict, was in my teens and early 20's and my wife was LD from day 1 and could go 1 month of no sex, so I viewed porn as a stress relief from life and work daily. Would of given it all up if she had a high sex drive and was adventurous.

I know his actions hurt and disgust you. But, do some discrete snooping and find out what he is doing. If you know, you might be able to find a solution........if you find out he likes this and that, and start initiating and doing that for him, it might start weening him off the porn and start turning things around. I don't know, just trying. View it with him?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CuddleBug said:


> Are you guys both fit?
> 
> Was there types of sex he wanted and you weren't into?
> 
> ...


 I have tired to find a solution and I am just done trying to please him.. I do have a sex drive and i am adventurous. Our sex life consists of wham bam thankyou mamm, when he wants a warm body instead of his hand which is like once every 2 month. It is a pattern...... If i initiate he will just tell me no, he isn't interested


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

He also tells me that he has low testosterone, which i think it is just another excuse.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If he had low test levels, he wouldn't be addicted to porn and masturbating often.

Do you think since he's addicted to porn with unrealistic ladies, hot bodies, great at all sex, etc., he isn't living in reality anymore?

But that's what he sees as normal now?

Is there anyway you can divorce him and move on? Many men out there that would love a woman with a healthy and adventurous sex drive. And having a kid isn't a bad thing either. Kinda cool if you ask me.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CuddleBug said:


> If he had low test levels, he wouldn't be addicted to porn and masturbating often.
> 
> Do you think since he's addicted to porn with unrealistic ladies, hot bodies, great at all sex, etc., he isn't living in reality anymore?
> 
> ...


 I don't know what goes through his head anymore, he is a much different person then who I married. 

I know the low t things is just another excuse, I have never believed him. becasue if that were the case he would go to the Dr and get it checked out.. He must think i am a fool

I am going to divorce him as soon as i figure out what I am going to do.. I am done. I am also done with relationships they are way overrated and so is marriage.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If you haven't done so already, have a sit down with him and tell him you are sexually starved and miserable and his porn issue is really killing the marriage. Either he goes to marriage counseling with you and starts minimizing his porn viewing and starts taking care of your sexual needs, or you then tell him you want a divorce and be firm about it. Maybe he will change at that point and maybe nothing will.

If you do divorce, I wish you a good man and a happy life. Many good men out there that aren't like your soon to be ex.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CuddleBug said:


> If you haven't done so already, have a sit down with him and tell him you are sexually starved and miserable and his porn issue is really killing the marriage. Either he goes to marriage counseling with you and starts minimizing his porn viewing and starts taking care of your sexual needs, or you then tell him you want a divorce and be firm about it. Maybe he will change at that point and maybe nothing will.
> 
> I have already done this a couple of times, nothing works.. i even walked out on him over a year ago and like a fool I came back. I have nothing left except negative feelings. He doesn't want to work on it i am tired of doing it alone.
> 
> If you do divorce, I wish you a good man and a happy life. Many good men out there that aren't like your soon to be ex.


 No offence, but i want nothing to do with men. I know they aren't all bad but I have yet to find one.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Yah, take a break from relationships and get it all out of your system. Do things for yourself. Then when you are ready, give men another chance. We aren't all porn addicts who totally neglect our wives. Most men would kill to have a woman with a high adventurous sex drive instead of LD and only vanilla sex, which leads to affairs and porn.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

ladybird said:


> No offence, but i want nothing to do with men. I know they aren't all bad but I have yet to find one.



Its always so sad to me when maltreatment is so bad that it turns someone against an entire gender.

Stay strong take care of yourself and I hope the best for you.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

at some point you just give up. once you realise they just arn't into you its time to close the book. Because it feels like they are just going through the motions.

sex in marriage should be mutual desire for eachother and mutual effort to please eachother. at first you think they will eventualy come around but very often its not the case.

once you hit this realisation its very hard to over come it. and then you just are turned off by them.

some people just miss the boat.

sorry your dealing with this.

seems like its not gender spacific. its a personality flaw.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

We got into it again this morning, because I slept on the couch. I did not sleep very well got 3 hours of sleep...

He did say it is his issue, not mine...I am the one carrying the issue. It has deeply effected our relationship..to the point i just want out.. I have realized how selfish he really is, he doesn't think of anyone one but himself. He doesn't care who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants. He could give a rats ass about me... Oh and it is ALWAYS about ME according to him.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Well it has been a very long day. My ass hat of a husband and I were talking on the phone and we kept going in circles. He just doesn't get it and I wasn't happy with the answers I was getting.... We got no where after an hour. Not even anywhere near close to anything. I finally told him then file the ****ing papers and he hung up on me. 

YES i want SEX, yes i want to get laid... I am the one at fault for ruining a marriage because I want to have sex (his words) NOT MUCH OF A MARRIAGE ANYWAY! He seems to think that is all about me wanting [email protected]#$, which would be nice, but it isn't the entire issue.. I have a lot of emotional issues due to this entire mess of things, It has gone on too long with no resolve and every time I would get somewhat passed it, it would hit me in the face again. I'd start to trust him just a little, it would be another slap in the face. For me this is the worst it has been.. I am an emotional wreck.. I am not sleeping.. I haven't been able to eat anything, if i do it will come back up.. 

He just doesn't get it!!

The low T, ED **** came up again... I told him that i don't believe him, if it were the case then why hasn't he done anything about it.. Then he basically said that we don't ever put money away from him to go to the DR, (no insurance) I said well I didn't think you really gave a **** since you haven't mentioned you wanting to go to the dr at all to get it looked at. 

We didn't get anywhere!!!! BUT we didn't yell and scream each other the entire time. He absolutely will not go to counseling... I asked if he would and he said nope... So I see no hope in resolving the issues, because obviously we can't do it on our own. We are going in circles...


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## RaiderGirl (Jul 3, 2013)

ladybird said:


> I get that most guys look at porn, that is not the issue. We go months on end without sex and he tells me no he isn't in the mood. He chooses that over his wife... I am tired of feeling like my feelings/wants or needs don't matter to him. He could care less. Why should I continue to care if he doesn't? I am just going to cut my self off completely from him and move the hell on! Not that it would matter in the least bit to him.. Guess he had better start looking for his next maid cuz porn isn't going to clean up after him and cook for him and wash his laundry!


I'm glad that your happy about your pregnancy but you're really not "done".Not protecting yourself from pregnancy has tethered you to this man for at least the duration of this pregnancy plus a few years more.
I can only assume that the pregnancy was unplanned so now you roll with it. I seen women who are really "done". , They don't even buy green bananas cause they wont be around long enough to see them ripen. You statement of "I'm don" reflects the fraustration, hurt, anger on your part but you are very very far from really being done. You'll know done when you feel it. Every motion, emotion and action on your part will be one step closer to going out the door. 
Have your read Athol Kay "Mindful Attraction"? Excellent easy to follow book that will help you make a plan of action to better yourself, fix your marriage or end it. Wish you luck Truely I do.


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## RaiderGirl (Jul 3, 2013)

ladybird said:


> Well it has been a very long day. My ass hat of a husband and I were talking on the phone and we kept going in circles. He just doesn't get it and I wasn't happy with the answers I was getting.... We got no where after an hour. Not even anywhere near close to anything. I finally told him then file the ****ing papers and he hung up on me.
> 
> YES i want SEX, yes i want to get laid... I am the one at fault for ruining a marriage because I want to have sex (his words) NOT MUCH OF A MARRIAGE ANYWAY! He seems to think that is all about me wanting [email protected]#$, which would be nice, but it isn't the entire issue.. I have a lot of emotional issues due to this entire mess of things, It has gone on too long with no resolve and every time I would get somewhat passed it, it would hit me in the face again. I'd start to trust him just a little, it would be another slap in the face. For me this is the worst it has been.. I am an emotional wreck.. I am not sleeping.. I haven't been able to eat anything, if i do it will come back up..
> 
> ...


:scratchhead:How will you afford a counselor if you cant afford a simple doctors visit and testosterone test. Its impossible to argue medical, to counsel medical, to anything medical. If he is really lowT he cant even process what youre saying. Stop whinning and take action.
#1 Rule out medical
If the test come back normal (550 min) then its ok to go back to whinning.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

ladybird said:


> No offence, but i want nothing to do with men. I know they aren't all bad but I have yet to find one.


<<<hugs>>>

So sorry to hear that you are still going through this. And even sorrier that half of the advice seems to be "act more like a porn star" or "just keep at it". I'm so tired of hearing that women should just bow to male sexual needs, and their wandering eyes indicate her failing, rather than his. Bull****, I say.

And worse, this idea that all men look at porn, and so therefore it must be totally, unquestionably acceptable. Yup, maybe he's being a bit neglectful or maybe he has just a bit of low T, but all in all, he's just a normal guy and again it's up to the woman to be understanding and supportive, and love that her man has sexual thoughts about every woman on the planet except her. More BS of the highest order.

I wish I had something more constructive to offer than just some empathy and encouragement. Unfortunately 5 mths pregnant is a very tough time to make a change. Can you ride it out? Detach yourself from the situation as much as possible, and start putting your escape plan in order? Work-wise, perhaps you could look for something home-based or self employment to avoid the hiring prejudices? Or perhaps take a course or two to upgrade your skills until you're back on your feet?

It won't be easy, I know. But staying on the same merry-go-round will only keep you stuck and miserable. That's no way to be.

My heart goes out to you. Good luck!


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