# Pregnant with 2nd child and not sure if we can handle it



## A bit lost (Dec 30, 2013)

Hi guys. God this is incredibly difficult to write. We have been together 11 years and have a nearly 2 year old. Our marriage isn't the best and has been rocky recently, and last week I found out I'm pregnant again. Hubby says to me last night "are you sure we ready to have another baby"....well that's not something you say to someone who is already carrying your child!!! I have no idea what to do! I feel like I'm going to be a single parent in the future at some stage and having 2 kids by myself is not my idea of fun!! I feel like this 2nd kid will break us, and I think we will break no matter what. No matter what I do affection wise, it's never enough for him and wants more and more and I can't give it to him. Any words of wisdom please!!!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

It sounds like when he said that he was trying to convey that there are issues in the marriage that need to be worked through by the time the new baby arrives......

He didn't say he wants a divorce or separation or for you to have an abortion....I am not downplaying your problems but be very careful how you handle this because you are already stressed with a two year old and now your hormones are turned upside down.

Personally, my Dh and I found going from one to two kids very hard...You are not alone


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

As for "words of wisdom" how about as it said on the cover of "the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy" 

"DON'T PANIC".

If you have only just found out you are expecting then you do not need to rush into any one course of action.

Please try and “step back” from the emotions that maybe confusing you. You tell us that you are 11 years into a relationship so unless one of you has done something really stupid the current “rocky” patch will not necessarily lead to a break up.

I do think that your husband asking "are you sure we ready to have another baby" was not the wisest way to raise any concerns that he might have but then it may be an emotional time for him as well. This is after all a discovery that should have filled you both with joy not fear. You tell us that you have a child under two and all of us who are parents know how trying little kids can be (both physically and mentally). 

Make the time for you and your husband to sit down and calmly talk through your situation and each express your feelings, IHMO only through an honest exchange can couples go forward and make informed decisions.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I think he may be genuinely worried how the two of you are going to cope. I was when the prospect of number 2 arriving was on the horizon.

My wife's response was 'other people cope, we will cope'. Which is true, but it was a difficult time. And when number 3 arrived we really were struggling.


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## wife1981 (Jul 5, 2013)

As a mother of two, currently my boy is 2 years and 9 months, my girl is 1 year and 4 months. My husband has been deployed on and off for 3 years. It's been rocky to say the least. I'm home with the kids and he is working hard for us. I was ready to call it quits, I've had it. It wasn't just our problems, it was everybody around us. Anyway, he was home for three months, we fought like animals. It was totally disgusting. The stress that I have is through the roof, and it's not much easier on him. Today I can honestly say THANK GOD we are still together and worked through it. A lot of tears, a lot of making up and a lot of communication. A lot of forgiveness and stepping back. Evaluating the situation. Is it really worth it? The fights? Over what? I recently posted something that really bothered be, something my husband said to me. After reading other people's advice I realized it was bc of me I couldn't move on. We get so caught up in everyday life, we forget how to be happy. For me, I can honestly say I forgot to be thankful for what I have. I was so busy being angry, I missed out on a lot of happy moments. Today I am working on being a better person. A better mother and wife. I'm learning to let go of things I have no control over, and let me tell you how hard that is for me. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is this. Talk to your husband, go talk to someone, together, alone, whatever you think will help. Thinking you guys are already going to fail, it's like you've already given up. I use to think that way too, having that mind set, you will not get better. When I finally began to think, we will get through this, is when things started to change. It really works. I know it seem like you guys can't handle a second child, and it will be hard. But together you can get through it. You both have time, to seek some help and become healthier, before the baby is born. You'll see, when your kids play together, listening to them giggle together, seeing the older child teach the younger one, how amazing it is to be so blessed and how important it is to fight for what is important. Truly it's amazing. Then you will want to rip your hair out when they are fighting...ALL DAY! It's life, you will be okay. Be positive, it really really helps. Good luck and congrats!


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

The nicest gift you can ever give your child is a sibling. Once they both hit school age it is so much easier all around. 

Your h needs to man up and not drain you all the time demanding affection, set your boundaries with him, if you are tired, tell him you need a little rest or breather, and then thank him when he seems to understand.


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## Microwavelove (Sep 11, 2013)

My husband and I are expecting our third that we were not planning for-- we thought we were done. When I found out, I was the one acting more like your husband, wondering whether we were going to be able to handle it. It's not that I wanted to separate etc., it's that we are just getting over a rocky financial time and the idea of adding a new baby was and still is scary. 

He may not have expressed it in the best way, but it could just be that he is overwhelmed with the changes that are about to happen. I have been there. Have you guys tried counseling? It helped us.


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