# BPD question



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Anyone here have or know of anyone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) I have read some stuff about it here lately, because a family member of mine may have it, he is being helped through therapy sessions and they are going to try and see for sure if he does. 

I do know it can be misdiagnosed. Sometimes doctors think its bipolar when really its BPD. Also since insurance sometimes doesn't cover BPD treatment, doctors will sometimes claim its bipolar, they put them on bipolar meds which sometimes can make things worse because they actually have BPD and aren't being treated for the right thing. 

If you have this or know of someone who does, what were the signs? Also I guess what some signs a person may have, another person may not, and have some different ones.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> Anyone here have or know of anyone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) I have read some stuff about it here lately, because a family member of mine may have it, he is being helped through therapy sessions and they are going to try and see for sure if he does.
> 
> I do know it can be misdiagnosed. Sometimes doctors think its bipolar when really its BPD. Also since insurance sometimes doesn't cover BPD treatment, doctors will sometimes claim its bipolar, they put them on bipolar meds which sometimes can make things worse because they actually have BPD and aren't being treated for the right thing.
> 
> If you have this or know of someone who does, what were the signs? Also I guess what some signs a person may have, another person may not, and have some different ones.


BPD was one of the disorders looked at before my wife was diagnosed with bipolar, and my understanding is that it is much more common than people realize. Psychiatrists are less willing to diagnose it because of societal ramifications, plus the labelling may make the patient and his/her family prejudge. It is noted by an extreme fear of abandonment, plus extreme polar opposite feelings for people in their lives that typically start as blind love and progresses to extreme dislike. This is oversimpifying, because there arefive or six attributes that must exist before diagnosing.

There are many web sites focusing on this disorder. My SIL suffers from BPD. I've noticed that Uptown and several others have former exposure to it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> Anyone here have or know of anyone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) I have read some stuff about it here lately, because a family member of mine may have it, he is being helped through therapy sessions and they are going to try and see for sure if he does.
> 
> I do know it can be misdiagnosed. Sometimes doctors think its bipolar when really its BPD. Also since insurance sometimes doesn't cover BPD treatment, doctors will sometimes claim its bipolar, they put them on bipolar meds which sometimes can make things worse because they actually have BPD and aren't being treated for the right thing.
> 
> If you have this or know of someone who does, what were the signs? Also I guess what some signs a person may have, another person may not, and have some different ones.


Search out postings from 'Uptown'. He was married 15 years to someone with BPD and has counseled many with his knowledge and directed to some wonderful websites and message boards.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/

Here's a link


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Halien said:


> BPD was one of the disorders looked at before my wife was diagnosed with bipolar, and my understanding is that it is much more common than people realize. Psychiatrists are less willing to diagnose it because of societal ramifications, plus the labelling may make the patient and his/her family prejudge. It is noted by an extreme fear of abandonment, plus extreme polar opposite feelings for people in their lives that typically start as blind love and progresses to extreme dislike. This is oversimpifying, because there arefive or six attributes that must exist before diagnosing.
> 
> There are many web sites focusing on this disorder. My SIL suffers from BPD. I've noticed that Uptown and several others have former exposure to it.


I have read some about these very things you have mentioned, especially about some Psychiatrists not wanting to diagnose for those reasons. However, if the do not diagonse them as having that, if in fact they really do, then how do they get treatment?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why not? There's no clinical diagnosis for anything psychiatric. There's no empirical test to tell you you're paranoid or ADHD or anything. At least not yet. So if a doctor won't toss someone on the irredeemable trash heap of BPD they'll treat the behavior some other way. Or you have to find a behavioral psychiatrist who will. What you call something is less important than results. 

Personally, it's been my experience that people who truly are borderline can't be fixed. Go to any death row in America you'll find it lousy with borderlines. To me, a BPD is a sociopath on PCP.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I guess there is such a thing as people having BPD traits, but doesn't mean they have the actual disorder. Either way, I would imagine some of the traits would be just as difficult for not only the person who has it but the loved ones who are trying to deal with it too. Talk therapy would be the best approach I guess.


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## Sad_Man (Jun 16, 2011)

I worked for years with adults with SPMI (serious persistent mental illnesses) and BPD was common, though mostly in females. Rarely saw the dx in males myself. There would often be attention seeking behavior, cutting, manipulating, risky behaviors, impulsivity, create drama, mood swings, etc. While working one day I had a young woman cut herself intentionally and come to me wanting me to bandage it. Well that wouldve been feeding into the attention seeking behavior, so rather than reinforce it I gave her a bandaid and walked away (the cut was very superficial-no danger). She never tried attention seeking that way again. 

Look into DBT methodology (is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Zen-Buddhism hybrid if I recall correctly). DBT will give some good insisghts to the BPD mind and offer suggestions to help manage symptoms if it is BPD. I think its the primary methodology used with BPD patients now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Uptown is your go-to guy for this subject.. Search his posts on here or send him a PM. He has a wealth of informance on BPD.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Why not? There's no clinical diagnosis for anything psychiatric. There's no empirical test to tell you you're paranoid or ADHD or anything. At least not yet. So if a doctor won't toss someone on the irredeemable trash heap of BPD they'll treat the behavior some other way. Or you have to find a behavioral psychiatrist who will. What you call something is less important than results.
> 
> Personally, it's been my experience that people who truly are borderline can't be fixed. Go to any death row in America you'll find it lousy with borderlines. To me, a BPD is a sociopath on PCP.


I truly don't know whether to be offended by the last line of your post or feel sorry for your small minded point of view.
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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

There is a good book about BPD called I Hate You Don't Leave me. Maybe you could give it a read and see if it enlightens you.
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Call em as I see em. BPD really is the commonality of people in jail for violent crime, murder, serial killers like Wuarnos. Cult leaders like Jim Jones.
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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Guess I have a lot to look forward to then huh?
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

To quote the Big Lebowski: that's just like, your opinion, man.

YMMV
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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Generally speaking, personality disorders are often very difficult to fix through therapy, but that's because one symptom of many personality disorders is an inability to be self aware and a lack of empathy. These folks don't think anything is wrong with them and are not able to take responsibility for their faults. For example, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder do not benefit from therapy, if they go (which is rare) because they just don't have the capacity to be self-aware. I've spoken to a few psychologists who say that when they realize the person has NPD, they start phasing them out of therapy because it is a waste of time. 

But Pidge70, if you have a PD and are aware of it and willing to work on it, your chances of getting better are good, I would imagine. You may be low on the spectrum, and thus have more ability to be self-aware.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

One of the many things I was diagnosed with was BPD. I've also seen at least 3 psychiatrists and the only disorder they all agreed on was major recurrent depression. After taking the MMPI and MMPI II I was also diagnosed with BPD and a few other things. I am very self aware now. I know the reason behind my disorders. I've done behavior modification and cognitive therapy.
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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Pidge70 - Kudos to you. Addressing this type of stuff is difficult and I'm glad you are conquering your challenges!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Thanks so much for the responses. I have read up on some of Uptown's posts like some of you recommended, he does have some good stuff on the subject. Thanks again!


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> Thanks so much for the responses. I have read up on some of Uptown's posts like some of you recommended, he does have some good stuff on the subject. Thanks again!


There is not better teacher than experience but sometimes we need a kick in the ass from Uptown to realize we are in a bad relantionship that needs to end.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Sanity said:


> There is not better teacher than experience but sometimes we need a kick in the ass from Uptown to realize we are in a bad relantionship that needs to end.


True. My question was about a family member who may or may not have BPD, and from the reading I have been doing, I do not know how some people can actually stay in those relationships. I understand its a mental illness they can not help, but wow, to possibly lose yourself and who you are in the process of living with someone who has that, must be beyond draining.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> True. My question was about a family member who may or may not have BPD, and from the reading I have been doing, I do not know how some people can actually stay in those relationships. I understand its a mental illness they can not help, but wow, to possibly lose yourself and who you are in the process of living with someone who has that, must be beyond draining.


CallaLilly,

You are way beyond being 100% right - my first wife and the mother of my two children had BPD but I didn't know it till I read Uptown's posts 25 years after our divorce. I was with her for 16 years, for 10 of them knew the marriage was terrible but didn't want to leave my children. 

At an enormous cost in dollars (I still can't believe it) I left and had my kids with me about half the time they weren't in school or camp, the youngest had turned 10, the older was 12.5. I loved them dearly, and they know it well. Today the younger can barely stand mom, the older tolerates her, my younger son when describing the support I gave him at a very difficult time told my GF "Pop was awesome" and mom told him in no uncertain words he should be in hell. He is in his late 30s, both kids worth every penny their mom got in what was essentially blackmail - your money and you get the kids or years in court was her offer.

I will admit that a BPDer can be very attractive initially, I am still wondering if my 2nd stbx is BPD or "just" an extreme narcissist, but it no longer matters, she is a stbx and I'm happy to live 3,000 miles away.

I recently found this 
A Life Strategist: ShariSchreiber.com for Resolution, Empowerment, Success, Transformation
as a result of UpTown's many links and think it is worth reading many of the pages here.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

I started counseling recently. My husband and I still have some issues we need to try and work out. When I went to the counselor for the first time last week, I started explaining to her some of the thing my husband does and says that doesn't always seem real logical to me. I also explained how proud I was of him that he had been in AA recovery for 2 years, and even though he was no longer drinking, some of his behavior was still there. 

After I explained some things he would do and/or say, the first thing she said was, sounded like some traits of possible BPD. I was actually shocked because my thinking was maybe bipolar. She did say she wasn't trying to diagnose him by no means, just sharing with me that is what it kind of sounded like to her, because one of the main reasons I was there, was to learn how and get help for how I should react/handle things when he got like that. 

A book she recommended to me was, Stop Walking on Eggshells. She also told me that even though he had not (yet) been diagnosed with BPD, it still might be helpful to me to read it. You might want to check it out as well, if you have a family member that has BPD.


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