# Why didn't she fight for me?



## xhayatox (May 30, 2011)

I've been thinking about my past relationship lately, and I remembered how much energy I invested into trying to make it work. I really fought my heart out for her, and it didn't work out in the end. What I don't understand is, I remember we were breaking up and she did, "I'm not going to fight for you, but I would prefer if you were stayed." What I don't understand is, why didn't she want to fight for me? Does that mean she honestly didn't love me? I would have fought till my heart gave out for this girl if she were to leave. Her excuse was that she was tired of fighting for people. Is that justifiable to not want to fight for me?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Who initiated the breakup? If it was you but you didn't really mean it you shouldn't have done it. If it was mutual, maybe she felt she gave all she had to give. If she wanted it. There you go.

It sucks when you give so much and they seem to let you.go.so.easily.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xhayatox (May 30, 2011)

Well it wasn't a breakup per say. You see, we were never technically together. I guess you can say we were a couple but we didn't work with labels. We both agreed that once we were ready we'd become official. She agreed. Once I was certain that I wanted to make it official, she cut her losses with me and told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. What I don't get is the fact that she clearly told me she liked me and that she needed time to open up to me, and SHE DID. She even told me she considered me as her BOYFRIEND. She wasted so much time with me only to throw it all away in the end. Although a part of me is glad it fell apart because she was honestly a nuisance and incredibly difficult to manage. I felt like I was talking to an infant sometimes. She seemed all intellectual on the outside but within, she was still a kid. I'm guessing it ultimately fell apart because well, I was 18 and she was 14. She still had much to learn. When we first met, she'd constantly have fueds at home with her family, and I couldn't understand why her parents were so hard on her. I thought she was a really nice girl and didn't cause problems, but when I saw her real side I understood why her mother dragged her to psychiatrists and therapists all the time. Because she just had this notion that everyone else was the problem but herself and she honestly didn't want to listen to what anybody had to say.. I don't remember it being like that honestly. We spent a few weeks and I never saw that side of her till the end.


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## xhayatox (May 30, 2011)

Also, I want to point out that she has put me through some really tough situations before. She left me completely heartbroken and in tears, and rather then consoling me, she would walk away. There were a few situations where that happened. I walked away devastated and crying and rather then being there for me, she'd go back inside her house or walk away. As you can see, I guess she honestly didn't care as much as I believed.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Assuming this is a real post...

She's supposed to be immature and fickle. She's 14 years old. Nuff said.

You, on the other hand... Around here, you'd be asking for statutory rape charges. 18 year olds should NOT be dating 14 year olds. Find someone your own age, and see if you're happier.

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BTW, is this the same girlfriend who gave you herpes? As per your previous posts? If so, things are even more f'ed up.

C


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## xhayatox (May 30, 2011)

Sorry I must clarify that I am turning 18 soon but I am 17 right now. Yes she in fact is the same girl. We never had sexual intercourse though.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

She's still 14. She's a kid. Find someone your own age.

14 year olds have the attention span of a kitten. Expecting to find true lasting love isn't likely to happen.

C


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to get over this fast and not date 14 year olds. Also, it's unhealthy to pine over someone 1. you're not even in a relationship with and 2. who wants out.


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## xhayatox (May 30, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You need to get over this fast and not date 14 year olds. Also, it's unhealthy to pine over someone 1. you're not even in a relationship with and 2. who wants out.


Dude.. If you read my post thoroughly you'd see she clearly wanted to be with me and gave me the impression that she wanted a relationship for the entire month. If I knew she wanted to bail I would have never wasted my time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes I did read your post thouroughly including the part that said:

_Well it wasn't a breakup per say. *You see, we were never technically together.* I guess you can say we were a couple but we didn't work with labels. We both agreed that once we were ready we'd become official. She agreed. Once I was certain that I wanted to make it official, she cut her losses with me and told me she wasn't ready for a relationship._

So if she mentioned the B word later ("boyfriend") it appears she really wasn't all that into it once she pulled back and cut her losses. It does sound like there was some misleading going on, but the end result is the same: she doesn't want to be with you. As to answer your thread title question: it seems she didn't feel there was anything worth fighting for since she decided not to pursue anything w/ you further than what you did have. Either way, you have got to let her go and accept her decision.

Just curious--why are you posting on a marriage forum?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Um...she's 14. She doesn't KNOW what she wants. Even YOU don't know what you want yet, but you just don't know it yet. Brains and personalities don't stop developing until the early 20s. Until then, you may change your belief system, wants, needs, 30 times. 

Just scale back and date around. Date a bunch of girls (your age). Have fun. You aren't meant to get serious yet, ok?

And, for your question, you already answered it; she's messed up, self-centered, and 14. Dumping guys is what she does. Will do, for at least a few more years.


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## xhayatox (May 30, 2011)

turnera said:


> Um...she's 14. She doesn't KNOW what she wants. Even YOU don't know what you want yet, but you just don't know it yet. Brains and personalities don't stop developing until the early 20s. Until then, you may change your belief system, wants, needs, 30 times.
> 
> Just scale back and date around. Date a bunch of girls (your age). Have fun. You aren't meant to get serious yet, ok?
> 
> And, for your question, you already answered it; she's messed up, self-centered, and 14. Dumping guys is what she does. Will do, for at least a few more years.


Wow thats very insightful. Well, why is it that she always seemed to blame me for everything? Even blamed her own parents who were giving up on her. They were doing their best to keep her in order but she didn't like to listen to anybody. Not even I managed to get through to her..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then consider that you dodged a bullet. If she's like this now, she will be a selfish holy terror in ten years.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Expecting mature and reasonable behavior from a 14 year old is like expecting a rock to float. You might find an occasional one that behaves like that, but don't hold your breath. Seriously, why are you surprised?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Because he's a teenager, too, and I've found (having one myself) that at each age of teenage life, we believe that we have reached our total sum of knowledge and wisdom. And every year beyond that, they learn a little more, and think THAT is their total sum. And so it goes. We're just trying to help OP see that there is more to learn.


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## vbeezy2011 (Jun 5, 2011)

:iagree:


turnera said:


> Because he's a teenager, too, and I've found (having one myself) that at each age of teenage life, we believe that we have reached our total sum of knowledge and wisdom. And every year beyond that, they learn a little more, and think THAT is their total sum. And so it goes. We're just trying to help OP see that there is more to learn.


Being 14 and 17, I would say that walking away now is the best advice as well. 
This is WAY to serious for a 14 and 17 yr old person.


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