# Arranged marriage at age 15 want a divorce



## Mariam1988 (Dec 25, 2014)

When I was 14 my dad kidnapped me and my brother from the United states and took us to Germany . After he tried to marry me off to a 37 year old there he sent me over seas supposidly to visit family.the day we went to the airport he told I was meeting a man that was interested in marrying me. After arriving in Lebanon went out for about 3 days then him and his family insisted that we should get ingaged so no one would talk bad about us so we did. On the 6th day I was there we had an engagement party and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone in my family. I was alone 15 years old overseas sitting next to a man that was 12 years older than me. After that he took me to his sisters house were he started to sexually touch me I said no but he persisted that now I was his wife. I told him this was an engagement. He said I could I would rape you but I'm not like that. After that I hated him badly. I went back to Germany and told my dad I hated him and didn't want to marry him all my dad cared about was rather I lost my virginity or not. My dad and his wife continued to make me feel guilty for him and he was crying in the phone so I gave it another chance. After that my father pulled me out of school and put me to work in his restaurant slash bar. I worked everyday from morning till night. I spoke with my husband here and there. My dad started to treat me horribly bad calling me dirty names and stuff finally one day he beat me up so bad and punched me in the face multiple times for not cleaning off the bar. As he was hitting me he asked me if I wanted to go to my fiancé ( husband now) I said yes because I was mad. My dad called him and told him come take this $&@re she's from the streets you can have her . I left to Lebanon and he ended up taking my virginity in his family's house with his dad and two brothers in the other room. No wedding ended up getting pregnant at 16 he forced me to get an abortion alone it was horrible and scary. Then he took me to Saudi Arabia where at 17 he purposely got me pregnant to stay with him because I found my mom and was talking about coming back to America . After I had my daughter I changed mentally and we fought like cats and dogs . I had an iud in and got pregnant again.he pushed me while pregnant over which room we should make our living room. Attacked me in my car in front of my two kids scratched my face choked me put hole in my hand. I never loved this man I hate him!!!! I can't forgive him he's done allot more I've been with him for 12 years now I'm dying inside I'm starting to hate life I need to get away. I told him I don't love him many times. All wants is intercourse I feel like an animal . My family says it's the past but it hurts like it's happening now. I'm crying now as I write this. This isn't eveything, I'm very sad, how can you forgive a person that hurt you so much? I want him to leave ,but I know he won't .


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Please get help and escape.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You need to work the legal system of whatever country has the best chance of getting you out. If you were in the USA were you a citizen? 

Start seeing what help you can line up.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Take your kids and run.
Do not let yourself be controlled by these horrible men.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you in Saudi right now?

Are you an American citizen?

Are you in contact with your mother?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Folks, we have to be careful about the advice we give to Mariam1988, for her and her children's safety.

In Saudi, women cannot leave their homes without the permission of their husband. He can demand that she only go out with a male family member as an escort. She cannot leave Saudi without either her husband traveling with her or without the written permission of her husband. It would be a crime for her to even plan or attempt to take her children with her out of Saudi. Anyone who helps her do this would be committing a crime as well.

Her children are probably Saudi citizens, so this complicates things more.

There are organizations in Saudi that help women in abusive situations. They are mostly underground. 

What I would suggest is that she goes to the American Embassy or calls them if she cannot leave the house and has access to a phone. 

If she is not an American citizen, then she can try the Embassy for whatever country she was born and grew up in.

Human Rights Watch is another organization that might be able to help her.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Thank you for the caution, Ele. We certainly do not want her harmed.


----------



## Jetoroal (Dec 24, 2014)

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

This is a textbook example of why women should not move to countries like Saudi Arabia. Ever.


----------



## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

There are governmental shelters for battered women in Saudi Arabia. Additional options are to contact police or US embassy in Saudi Arabia for help. 

Both father and husband are culprits in this case. Father is even bigger culprit in this case IMO, his fatherhood is really in question.



Theseus said:


> This is a textbook example of why women should not move to countries like Saudi Arabia. Ever.


This is silly. Domestic abuse occurs globally. People often migrate to different countries in search of job opportunities; if a married man migrates to another nation for livelihood, he is likely to take his family with him. 

Abusive people (men and women) are the problem, not countries. However, it is always beneficial to understand the legal system of any country which is considered for living; many don't bother to know their rights.

Here: Saudi Arabia cabinet passes ban on domestic violence - Middle East - World - The Independent

Victims need encouragement to seek help irrespective of wherever they live.

@*Mariam1988*

If you are a US national, contact US embassy for help.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Ah, the religion of peace.


----------



## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

syhoybenden said:


> Ah, the religion of peace.


Religion is not at fault here, individuals are.

Their is nothing religious about this case.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

The first phone call needs to be the the US Embassy.


----------



## Mariam1988 (Dec 25, 2014)

I'm currently in usa I was born here. We have been living together here since 2007 . After multiple times of trying to leave he has stopped the physical abuse and claims to love me but I don't love him and don't think it's even possible. After everything that's happened.


----------



## Mariam1988 (Dec 25, 2014)

Sorry I didn't clarify that , the last time he hit me was in 2009. We have fought verbally on and off since then. Now he's complaining because I don't want to sleep with him sit with him. I make food clean the house take care of the kids. But I have no feeling at all for him. I've tried to leave him over a dozen times and told him I don't love you! I Feel like my life was stolen from me I never got to be a kid and I was forced into a roll of a mother when I wasn't ready . I hate him deeply! Especially my dad he was never a good father and physically abused me too. I now have curves in my spine and degenerative disc disease from all the physical abuse and malnourishment as a child. Life really sucks I'm 26 years old and have never talked to strangers about this. I was in Saudi arabia for two years with but at the time was still a child didn't really argue about anything just went with the flow.


----------



## Mariam1988 (Dec 25, 2014)

My children are all U.S. citizens


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok, it was not clear from our first posts that you are now in the USA.

I was a bit unsure about your situation because from what you wrote it sounded like you are in Saudi, but then you are on the internet looking for help. This is another thing that can be a problem in Saudi. :scratchhead:

There are organizations in the USA who will help you get away from him. If you are not sure how to find one, send me a PM of what city you live in and I'll help you find some help.

Can you go out by yourself? Do you drive? Do you have access to money?


----------



## Mariam1988 (Dec 25, 2014)

basically we live together ,yew fight once a month but I'm numb to it all now,yes I drive,I have no friends he always causes problems when I have any,he says he loves me he takes care of the kids but I don't love him , I can't let go of everything that's happened, he complains because I don't want to sit with him and says I don't love him, I tried to put all my upset feelings away but it's hard to swallow it all, sometimes I think I'm exaggerating and should just let it all go but it hurts to much I resent him and have hatred towards him for not leaving me all the times in the past I told him I didn't and never did love him


----------



## Mariam1988 (Dec 25, 2014)

I've spoken to him multiple times about how a women needs affection not just getting felt up all the time he hasn't changed its been like 10 years now I've been com,aiming about the same dam thing. I've reached a point we're if he even comes close to me I pull back and hate him.


----------



## Mariam1988 (Dec 25, 2014)

Thanks for replying everyone ,sorry I didnt clarify everything in the beginning


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mariam1988,

I'm checking in on you. Are you OK?


----------



## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Where I live there is an organization called InterAct. It is for battered/abused women. Please be careful. He could be dangerous!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

How did your father manage to take you out of school in Germany?


----------



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

anja said:


> How did your father manage to take you out of school in Germany?


In European countries with growing Muslim populations (like Germany) a parallel legal/social structure is emerging so that government officials are terrified of interfering with the Muslim minorities. In the UK hundreds of underage girls were prostituted and trafficked in Rotherham because police were afraid of being racist:

Rotherham child sexual exploitation scandal - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Mariam, I hope you are ok. 

I am glad that you have a car and can drive. That is a big help. I'm also glad that it has been a few years since he has hit you. Do you know what made him decide to stop hitting you? 

Because it has been a few years since he hit you, finding a shelter might prove difficult. Start planning your exit, but don't leave until you have three things planned out: a safe place to go, legal help, and enough money to get through the hard times that will happen between leaving him and getting divorced. Once you are divorced, you should be able to have child support, and possibly state aid until you get a career going (if you don't already have one.)

Do you have a safe place where you could stay? It looks like you do not have family or friends that you can count on, but if you do have someone you trust, this might be a good place to begin. If not, your children's schools probably have a school counselor who can help you figure out some agencies that can help. However, if they believe your children are at risk of being abused, they will make a call to authorities who will investigate your home. 

Hide a little money here and there as you are able. Save as much as you can safely store away from him. A few grocery dollars or a couple dollars more than that pair of shoes for the kids actually cost... every bit helps. 

Get legal help lined up. Most attorneys will provide a free phone consultation. Figure out how you can hire and pay an aggressive attorney who will file for spousal support if you don't earn enough to support yourself. Also ask if he can be ordered to pay your attorney's reasonable attorney fees. 

Best wishes


----------



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Mariam1988 said:


> When I was 14 my dad kidnapped me and my brother from the United states and took us to Germany . After he tried to marry me off to a 37 year old there he sent me over seas supposidly to visit family.the day we went to the airport he told I was meeting a man that was interested in marrying me. After arriving in Lebanon went out for about 3 days then him and his family insisted that we should get ingaged so no one would talk bad about us so we did. On the 6th day I was there we had an engagement party and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone in my family. I was alone 15 years old overseas sitting next to a man that was 12 years older than me. After that he took me to his sisters house were he started to sexually touch me I said no but he persisted that now I was his wife. I told him this was an engagement. He said I could I would rape you but I'm not like that. After that I hated him badly. I went back to Germany and told my dad I hated him and didn't want to marry him all my dad cared about was rather I lost my virginity or not. My dad and his wife continued to make me feel guilty for him and he was crying in the phone so I gave it another chance. After that my father pulled me out of school and put me to work in his restaurant slash bar. I worked everyday from morning till night. I spoke with my husband here and there. My dad started to treat me horribly bad calling me dirty names and stuff finally one day he beat me up so bad and punched me in the face multiple times for not cleaning off the bar. As he was hitting me he asked me if I wanted to go to my fiancé ( husband now) I said yes because I was mad. My dad called him and told him come take this $&@re she's from the streets you can have her . I left to Lebanon and he ended up taking my virginity in his family's house with his dad and two brothers in the other room. No wedding ended up getting pregnant at 16 he forced me to get an abortion alone it was horrible and scary. Then he took me to Saudi Arabia where at 17 he purposely got me pregnant to stay with him because I found my mom and was talking about coming back to America . After I had my daughter I changed mentally and we fought like cats and dogs . I had an iud in and got pregnant again.he pushed me while pregnant over which room we should make our living room. Attacked me in my car in front of my two kids scratched my face choked me put hole in my hand. I never loved this man I hate him!!!! I can't forgive him he's done allot more I've been with him for 12 years now I'm dying inside I'm starting to hate life I need to get away. I told him I don't love him many times. All wants is intercourse I feel like an animal . My family says it's the past but it hurts like it's happening now. I'm crying now as I write this. This isn't eveything, I'm very sad, how can you forgive a person that hurt you so much? I want him to leave ,but I know he won't .


I'm sorry, I can't think of a 15 year old getting married to an older man as anything but he is a pervert and a pedophile that found a "legal" (outside of US) way to get what he wants. He's a pervert and you are only a sexual release to him. Get away as fast as you can! Go into hiding!


----------

