# It's Friday. What are we all doing?



## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

So it's Friday night. I've had a bad day, but you know what? Sod it! I've rallied the troops and my 2 best friends are coming over. The wine is chilling and the snacks are ready. 
So the topics of conversation ?
Well me: how I haven't got a clue what is going through WHs head and how I need to move on yada yada!
Friend no 1: 2 dday's in the last 3 years and still trying to Save her marriage!
Friend no 2: a true gem. What a special person. So positive and focused and at 46 has just been accepted onto a teacher training course. A true inspiration!
So we will put the world to right and we will listen and support each other and I will NOT miss HIM tonight!
Hope you all have a good evening. If youre feeling low, my thoughts are with you xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Enjoy.. watch all my recorded shows that i could not watch during the week and the kids are going to grandma house. fun nite with peace and quite. #[email protected]


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm just trying to do something to keep my mind on the utter despair I'm going through. Wife and I used to get take out on Friday, put the kids to bed, watch our favorite shows, then snuggle and have fun. Now that's gone by her choice. I'm a social person, so being around no one right now is killing me. Eleven years down the drain, all those memories haunting me.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Not much, I work at 7 am in the morning on Saturday so I need the sleep first and foremost. Maybe watch a netflix movie or a couple of tv shows on there.

Other than that, not much else I can do - Husband works at night on Fri\Sat (he's a deejay).


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Chilling wine...must be white. I am a Redhead.

She is coming home for the weekend. Slivers of hope. Those of you who are religious, please keep us in your prayers.


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## All in (Feb 1, 2012)

I'm with proudwidaddy. Friday nights used to be our time to relax together. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to make it through another weekend alone without my wife and kids. Maybe a bottle of wine will help. Or two. Or three.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Make dinner for one kid coming over tonight. Drive to airport tomorrow.


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## howtofigureitout (Feb 9, 2012)

Hope all goes well Thisisme.

I think I am going to read some books today. Maybe not the most fun thing to do on a weekend. Trying to take up photography and figured might as well read some books on it. Not the most exciting thing for a 29 year old to do.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Friday? You really want to know?
Pancakes for breakfast for kids, gym, paperwork, court to drop off paperwork, vet, groceries, school to pick up kids (one not feeling well), horse farm, home, 4+ loads of laundry, paperwork, work, dinner and reading (for homework). But I got to smile and sing in the gym and dance and smile at the supermarket, got a hug at the horse farm, picked up a newspaper where I had two feature articles, my kids love me, we ate well, the washer and dryer work so no laundromat to deal with, paperwork is a part of life and some of it it good paperwork for good stuff down the line. Heard from some friends. Tomorrow night is a different story altogether, getting together with friends for a dance party. I like my homework. Postmodern literature suits me these days. After what I've been through, most of it seems like Richard Scarry or Dr. Suess Books, only for adults. So far it's been a *****house (house of illusions), a weird dinner party with a fake baron, a guy in a wheelchair in a room with two windows with a butler and his parents who live in trash cans (Beckett), and in my other class reading a play called 'Night Mother which deals with really sadistic manipulation of the worst and final and lasting sort. I'm pretty much the only one in class who can cope with the subject matter analytically, thanks to an entire year of therapy prior to starting class. My friend who sits next to me has never had any interpersonal trauma and doesn't get anything, so she says. I told her she's lucky and fill her in, so she can live vicariously. Personally, I like her that way. Tuesdays and Thursdays are so much more interesting than Fridays, due to lit classes


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## jbel (Feb 9, 2012)

im going to do nothing....a week into our breakup and 2 days since the inevitetable talk that she doesnt love me anymore and has no feelings towards me....as shes crying of course.

9yrs broke up 3 times in that span all for same reason. last time 3 yrs ago. seperated 10 months and got back together now 3 yrs later she not happy again...

just love how after 9yrs of a somewhat good relationship can be thrown away....i got a company party tonight that i cant go to cause im so sad....does anyone get the "shakes" and vomit? 

thats what im doing tonight


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

went to pay my attorney off. :smthumbup:
and stuff


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I had to get out of town, so I went to my sister and her husband's for the weekend. Fridays are tough for me as well... was a night when my stbxw relaxed, had supper together and watch tv shows or movies. Just enjoying being together. She left me saying she wasn't happy... and when I think back, it showed and I felt resented for months. In any case, here's to moving forward and healing. I miss her dearly, but there is no point in being with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Her loss... I know I've been a great husband and friend.

My sister and her husband are going to watch a movie, but I can't focus for that long. So, I'm surfing the net, having a beer and trying not to think of my stbxw.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm at home in bed resting. Having some medical issues at the moment. 

I'm too young for this! My body is breaking down and I'm only in my mid-late 30's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I'm at home in bed resting. Having some medical issues at the moment.
> 
> I'm too young for this! My body is breaking down and I'm only in my mid-late 30's.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


aww, hope you get to feeling better soon.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Thank you! I'm having testing done at the hospital Wednsday. Hopefully, it will provide answers!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Hanging out at Panera playing on my Kindle Fire while wife is hosting her Bunco Party.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

I am home trying to figure out what tasks to accomplish this weekend. Since the husband moved out a month ago, I am getting used to sleeping alone again....I kinda like it! 

Friday nights I am used to being alone because the husband teaches class Friday nights. He also teaches Sat and Sun, so our weekends together were pretty shot. Hmmm, I wonder why our marriage didn't work :-(


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## SailingSoloAgain (Feb 5, 2012)

Sitting home alone. Went out for a bit, couple beers, thinking deeply.

Wondering if I'm following the right path in being a nice guy and working toward reconciliation.

Not a good evening for me. A lot to think about. Too much to think about.


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## Starfish girl (Feb 6, 2012)

Friday night and my kids are out doing stuff with their friends. I am on here with people that understand reading through posts. I would give anything to go have a nice chat over dinner, a movie, a yogurt. Something. This sucks! 20 years of marriage and I end up alone.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I know that feeling, 28 years of marriage and alone. Tonight I am hanging with my mom who just had surgery, but its not a lot different from most Friday nights. Many friends call and ask me out to dinner but all that is accomplishing is adding pounds! I am going to start quilting again with a friend, remember the things I used to like to do for me.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

SailingSoloAgain said:


> couple beers, thinking deeply.
> 
> Not a good evening for me. A lot to think about. Too much to think about.


youre obviously not drinking enough beers.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I am still recovering from surgery, but got up and cooked with a couple of my girls. I love a busy kitchen when the entire family gets in there and cooks! But tonight it was just a couple of my daughters while the boys had some fun outside and some of the kids were out working. Then we all went our separate ways and chilled in front of the tvs, we all need our downtime and I can only watch so much iCarly, Deadly Dozen etc. LOL 

Who knows where H is... he doesn't feel the need to tell anyone in the family! We are moving on w/ or w/o him. His choice. :-(

Have to say: 
I sure wish he were more like the men on here wanting to get their family back in together! Some of you men give me real hope that he may come around... I hope it's sooner than later.


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## Starfish girl (Feb 6, 2012)

I agree, I love the dedication of the men on this board. Stand up guys deserve all the respect.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Starfish girl said:


> I agree, I love the dedication of the men on this board. Stand up guys deserve all the respect.


I agree. Reading some of the posts from men in here really give me hope that my H will get his act together on the other hand it also makes me wonder why he seems to have given up so easily!
It's Sat morn. Kids are still in bed and the house is quiet. Had a nice evening but something is always missing. Something isn't right! Yep, he's not here! I'm sorry but he's a fool. I am going to give up soon. He will never have someone again who will love him and be as faithful to him as I've been. But there you go.

Got a bit of a headache from the wine. But not too bad. It's a cold but dry day out. Haven't got much spare cash so going to do some stuff with my daughter that doesn't cost anything and try and fill my day up.

Hugs to all of you. Hope your weekend goes ok. If you want to talk. We are here xxx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SailingSoloAgain (Feb 5, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> youre obviously not drinking enough beers.


Up at 4:00 so I have to agree you called that one right.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Weekend update: So she came by Friday, went to dinner, nice with one tense moment. Saturday, went to see a movie, shopped a little, hung out with a little wine and pizza, low key evening. This morning we cuddled as we did Saturday morning, nothing more.

All in all good, but she had two issues, as did I.

1. At dinner Friday she brought up in conversation her great relationships with male coworkers, as she has a couple of other recent meals. It wouldn't be so bad, but it has been a frequesnt topic of hers at theses dinner dates and way above the norm lately, while we are trying to work on or relationship, and who wants to hear about other guys and their great relationships with my WW? She is mad that I showed some obvious emotion. Am I wrong to show some emotion to this?

The other thing was while lying in bed both mornings I asked if there was any interest in getting close/intimate, she declined and felt bad that she was hurting me, I explained it was not hurting me, just checking as my desire has always been there. Her parting words were that it bothered her. 

Other than that, I thought it was another good weekend altough still wondering if the marriage can be saved.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

This is me said:


> Weekend update:
> 
> All in all good, but she had two issues, as did I.
> 
> ...


1) It's not wrong at all, esp if she is a WW. Have you talked about why it bothers you? Do you know why it bothers you? How would she feel if it were reversed? I have asked myself that a lot lately.... I didn't use to.
It's common to have a work spouse where I work because we are slightly isolated otherwise... but some years it has been a male that I had to work closely with (always married) and wondered if it bothered my H, I don't think he ever complained but I may not have heard him if he did. 

2) As far as the second... you were being honest and reaching out. Maybe she felt pressured. Could you maybe tell her that you didn't mean to pressure her but if she ever wants to maybe there could be a signal (maybe one agreed on) or if she's the kind you will wait until she initiates? 

I'm happy you all can work on things


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> 1) It's not wrong at all, esp if she is a WW. Have you talked about why it bothers you? Do you know why it bothers you? How would she feel if it were reversed? I have asked myself that a lot lately.... I didn't use to.
> It's common to have a work spouse where I work because we are slightly isolated otherwise... but some years it has been a male that I had to work closely with (always married) and wondered if it bothered my H, I don't think he ever complained but I may not have heard him if he did.
> 
> 2) As far as the second... you were being honest and reaching out. Maybe she felt pressured. Could you maybe tell her that you didn't mean to pressure her but if she ever wants to maybe there could be a signal (maybe one agreed on) or if she's the kind you will wait until she initiates?
> ...


Thanks Momatomany.

1. We did talk about why it bother me and her. This has come up in MC before where she is unhappy when I show signs of hurt feelings. For some reason she believes only she has a right to hurt feelings. 

To me the topic was a test, and a repeated test at these last three meals. She probably would disagree, but one of the things she has called me is jealous. Her actions with other guys, especially at work when she has abandoned the marriage would make any husband who still loves his wife jealous.....or am I wrong?

2. I approached it as delicate as I could. My number one love language is touch and I am a male which usually means a higher sex drive. She rarey initiated initmacy in our 17 year marriage, which for me seems to leave it up to me to take the temperature of this part of the relationship.

I fear it is a catch twenty-two. By pursuing her it pushes her away and makes moving us forward harder, and by not pursuing her, she will never initiated which will also make moving us forward harder.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

if she is ww, it doesnt seem like she is taking full responsibility and acknowledging you have a right to feel the way you do about her and other guys and how good their relationship is and not understanding your feelings on this.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

This is me said:


> Thanks Momatomany.
> 
> 1. We did talk about why it bother me and her. This has come up in MC before where she is unhappy when I show signs of hurt feelings. For some reason she believes only she has a right to hurt feelings.
> 
> ...


Yes, I would think if it you mentioned that it made you jealous and she hasn't stopped... then she is doing it on purpose. I think you have every right to feel that way. 

I agree, you are in a catch-22... wish I had advice for you. Did you ask MC or other IC about sex? Like to put it off for 6 wks and then try again type of thing?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> Yes, I would think if it you mentioned that it made you jealous and she hasn't stopped... then she is doing it on purpose. I think you have every right to feel that way.
> 
> I agree, you are in a catch-22... wish I had advice for you. Did you ask MC or other IC about sex? Like to put it off for 6 wks and then try again type of thing?


Pretty certain she is doing the "Fitness Test" on me. I just need to brush up on how to address these tests, especially when you are in a seperated status.

We have MC tomorrow night. I am also pretty certain that the MC would not want to put added pressure on her to commit to intimacy in a set time-frame. This is what I would love to know, but she has her guard up.

What I found interesting is when I asked her if she could help me understand, her answer was that doing it would make it more painful if things don't work out. To me this does not compute. I believe it will be very painful anyway and why not allow for us growing together while trying?

In what I have read sex is very important in relationships developments and why not put our best foot forward if it will help us salvage this wounded ship? If it sinks, it will hurt whether or not we were intimate or not.

Am I wrong?


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

This is me said:


> Pretty certain she is doing the "Fitness Test" on me. I just need to brush up on how to address these tests, especially when you are in a seperated status.
> 
> We have MC tomorrow night. I am also pretty certain that the MC would not want to put added pressure on her to commit to intimacy in a set time-frame. This is what I would love to know, but she has her guard up.
> 
> ...


What is the "fitness test?"

I didn't mean like a time frame on having sex, but what I have heard is that there's a no sex or no trying for it for a certain period of time so the pressure of having it is off the table, while intimacy can still grow between you two.

OMG I don't understand that either ... well I know we women are different concerning intimacy but that's all I wanted to do when the fight started. But he refused (while he lived at home), now of course I get not a touch/hug etc... barely a eye contact. 

I agree, sex may confuse things for her, but it may help remind her of good times and clarify things for her/you... I wish you the best on that front.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> What is the "fitness test?"
> 
> I didn't mean like a time frame on having sex, but what I have heard is that there's a no sex or no trying for it for a certain period of time so the pressure of having it is off the table, while intimacy can still grow between you two.
> 
> ...


There is a whole section in the Mens section on Fitness tests. Us guys get tested from time to time by you women and it helps spell out how nice guys can fail these tests, which can fail the marriage in the end. Pretty sure this is part of why my marriage is now in seperation.

I understand now what you were saying with the 'time-out' in the sex department. That has been the actual story for about four months now. I have not put any pressure on or even brought it up since she left for months, only recently inquired as she has been coming home on the weekends to try and work on it. I see it as an important next step if we are moving in the right direction.

I just hope she understand that if we fail to make it as a couple, the pain will still be there with or without a few more memories of closeness.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

This is me said:


> she has her guard up.


sorry, but i dont get this.
against what?

if she wanted things to work out, seems if anyone, SHE would be doing all she could. seems she is doing nothing towards the reconciliation.


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