# Just don't care anymore.....



## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

I have spent the last 14 months after discovery of my husband's EA (small possibility of PA) being afraid. I was afraid he would leave. I was afraid he thought his AP was better than me. I was afraid he truly thought they were meant for each other like he told her. I was afraid to be myself. I was afraid that if I didn't act more like her, he wouldn't love me. I was afraid he found her more attractive. I was afraid he thought I was boring. I was afraid to trust him. I was afraid to be hurt again...........but last night I realized I just don't care anymore. I am who I am and I am good enough. I wasted 437 days of my life comparing myself to her and almost every other woman I saw. I will not waste another day. I guess I made it to a point for the first time in my life that I love myself more than I love him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Good for you. Now you can take control of your life and do what you need to do for yourself.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Tooshy, 

The OW, is an OW. After that, there is no comparison. 

OW look cheap and desperate no matter what their attractiveness, age, abilities, whatever. 

If my husband was screwing a super model, then they WERE made for each other. 

YOU can hold your head up high and that is something the OW of your husband will never have nor can take away.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

tooshy said:


> I have spent the last 14 months after discovery of my husband's EA (small possibility of PA) being afraid. I was afraid he would leave. I was afraid he thought his AP was better than me. I was afraid he truly thought they were meant for each other like he told her. I was afraid to be myself. I was afraid that if I didn't act more like her, he wouldn't love me. I was afraid he found her more attractive. I was afraid he thought I was boring. I was afraid to trust him. I was afraid to be hurt again...........but last night I realized I just don't care anymore. I am who I am and I am good enough. I wasted 437 days of my life comparing myself to her and almost every other woman I saw. I will not waste another day. I guess I made it to a point for the first time in my life that I love myself more than I love him.


This is the healtiest post I have ever seen on TAM

Good for you young lady

55


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## Joka (May 15, 2014)

Isn't it exhausting being afraid. I was that way for 5 months after finding out about my so loving wife and her string of affairs.
Not anymore. Find the strength and get on with it. When you have a good day it, it is a real good feeling.


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

Joka said:


> Isn't it exhausting being afraid. I was that way for 5 months after finding out about my so loving wife and her string of affairs.
> Not anymore. Find the strength and get on with it. When you have a good day it, it is a real good feeling.


I feel like today is the first day in the last 14 months that I am not exhausted. I am looking forward to the weekend and pampering myself a little. I have been through so much pain that I deserve it. It took me a lot longer than you to come to this point.....I may be just a little slow..., but it sure feels good to be here.


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## Joka (May 15, 2014)

tooshy said:


> I feel like today is the first day in the last 14 months that I am not exhausted. I am looking forward to the weekend and pampering myself a little. I have been through so much pain that I deserve it. It took me a lot longer than you to come to this point.....I may be just a little slow..., but it sure feels good to be here.


It is a good feeling! I am going out of town for the weekend for the 1st time and alone. I am so excited!!!!

Indifference and divorce papers are what I am striving for.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

tooshy said:


> I have spent the last 14 months after discovery of my husband's EA (small possibility of PA) being afraid. I was afraid he would leave. I was afraid he thought his AP was better than me. I was afraid he truly thought they were meant for each other like he told her. I was afraid to be myself. I was afraid that if I didn't act more like her, he wouldn't love me. I was afraid he found her more attractive. I was afraid he thought I was boring. I was afraid to trust him. I was afraid to be hurt again...........but last night I realized I just don't care anymore. I am who I am and I am good enough. I wasted 437 days of my life comparing myself to her and almost every other woman I saw. I will not waste another day. I guess I made it to a point for the first time in my life that I love myself more than I love him.





tooshy said:


> I feel like today is the first day in the last 14 months that I am not exhausted. I am looking forward to the weekend and pampering myself a little. I have been through so much pain that I deserve it. It took me a lot longer than you to come to this point.....I may be just a little slow..., but it sure feels good to be here.


Yay! Go out and have some fun -- you deserve it!

(Just don't do anything unsafe or stupid...)


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

just got it 55 said:


> This is the healtiest post I have ever seen on TAM
> 
> Good for you young lady
> 
> 55


I couldn't agree more!


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

Thank you all. We have been together for all of my adult life and I guess I just never really thought of myself as an individual person. We are still working on things, but whatever happens, I am okay with that. I am no longer afraid to be alone.


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## Joka (May 15, 2014)

tooshy said:


> Thank you all. We have been together for all of my adult life and I guess I just never really thought of myself as an individual person. We are still working on things, but whatever happens, I am okay with that. I am no longer afraid to be alone.


If you do a 180 it will make him realize that he is not the center of your universe and it will do wonders for your own self esteem.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Joka said:


> Isn't it exhausting being afraid. I was that way for 5 months after finding out about my so loving wife and her string of affairs.
> Not anymore. Find the strength and get on with it. When you have a good day it, it is a real good feeling.


Fail More Fear Less

Fear & Anger

The two most energy and emotional wasted emotions

55


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## botti (May 28, 2014)

tooshy said:


> I have spent the last 14 months after discovery of my husband's EA (small possibility of PA) being afraid. I was afraid he would leave. I was afraid he thought his AP was better than me. I was afraid he truly thought they were meant for each other like he told her. I was afraid to be myself. I was afraid that if I didn't act more like her, he wouldn't love me. I was afraid he found her more attractive. I was afraid he thought I was boring. I was afraid to trust him. I was afraid to be hurt again...........but last night I realized I just don't care anymore. I am who I am and I am good enough. I wasted 437 days of my life comparing myself to her and almost every other woman I saw. I will not waste another day. I guess I made it to a point for the first time in my life that I love myself more than I love him.



All of the wins for you today


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

Joka said:


> If you do a 180 it will make him realize that he is not the center of your universe and it will do wonders for your own self esteem.


I'm sure he'll be pretty confused that I'm not crying and asking him if he thinks she's better, or prettier, or more fun, or meant for him, blah.....blah......blah. I am so over it.


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

botti said:


> All of the wins for you today


I need to go buy a lottery ticket. Today is a good day. :smthumbup:


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## eve_v75 (Jun 6, 2014)

I guess we all get to that point that we just get tired of ...trying. after all those years of trying.. worrying.. hoping, thinking this and that.. one day you just don't care anymore..


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

eve_v75 said:


> I guess we all get to that point that we just get tired of ...trying. after all those years of trying.. worrying.. hoping, thinking this and that.. one day you just don't care anymore..


I guess I can blame some of it on my age. I'm going to be thirty-ten this year. I refuse to say I'm going to be the big 4-0. I wasted too much of my life being afraid. My kids are old enough to take care of themselves for the most part, so it's time that I enjoy my life.


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## botti (May 28, 2014)

tooshy said:


> I need to go buy a lottery ticket. Today is a good day. :smthumbup:


Just wait til the divorce is final to cash it!


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

botti said:


> Just wait til the divorce is final to cash it!


No divorce pending yet, but I would definitely grieve my marriage in Hawaii...


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

tooshy said:


> I guess I made it to a point for the first time in my life that I love myself more than I love him.


Love yourself coz if you don't who will?


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

I am beginning to think I am just giving up. It has occurred to me that I am numb. H is doing everything he should but it feels different. When he tells me he loves me, I feel nothing. When I think about the things I used to cry about, I don't feel anything anymore. Is this just part of accepting? Is there any hope?


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## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

There's allways hope but sometime we just get hurt to much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

tooshy said:


> I am beginning to think I am just giving up. It has occurred to me that I am numb. H is doing everything he should but it feels different. When he tells me he loves me, I feel nothing. When I think about the things I used to cry about, I don't feel anything anymore. Is this just part of accepting? Is there any hope?


You are numb because you have been _betrayed _by someone you trusted and had faith in. 

Sometimes it goes away, sometimes it goes away a bit and sometimes it never goes away.

Betrayal is a complicated thing. When one really looks at what true trust and faith really are and what they mean to the human condition, then they understand what we go through.

Do what you need to do for your well being. Right now you need to living for you and not the betrayer.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What are you doing to rekindle the feelings? Do you spend 15 hours a week together doing 'date' type stuff? Do you talk about your feelings? Have you read HNHN?


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## tooshy (Jul 25, 2013)

turnera said:


> What are you doing to rekindle the feelings? Do you spend 15 hours a week together doing 'date' type stuff? Do you talk about your feelings? Have you read HNHN?


I have read HNHN and After the Affair. We do spend close to 15 hours doing date-type stuff. We spend all of our free time together. He is doing everything he can and I can see that he's trying, but when he tells me that he loves me, those words mean absolutely nothing since I know he said them to OW, and he now says they were "just words" and that he didn't mean then when he said them to her. Obviously, they didn't mean anything when he said them to me while he was involved in the affair either. 

It seemed like everything was on track and we were improving little by little for the first year, but the past few months I feel like I've been just going through the motions.


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