# Need an opinion/advice from MEN



## MrsJT (Sep 26, 2010)

I have posted in another forum about my issue and I really need some male advice, I need some clarity on what you see happening.

My husband moved out one week ago, moved everything of his out. He is staying at his sister's house. We have been married less than 2 months. Both in late 30's. Most major issues we have going on since married is bad communication which leads to verbal fights. He wants a divorce. He is exhausted and drained and does not feel like trying at all anymore. Says it's not in him any longer. He refuses marital counseling, at this point. I do not want a divorce and want to make our marriage work.

However...

Last night, I got 2 text messages from my husband.

1st text:

Husband: This hard on me
Husband: I think about us all the time
Me: This is what you want. This should be light on your mind.
Husband: its not..

Second text a while later:
Husband: You just dont get it
Husband: (my name), I love you...I miss us. I miss the laughing the kissing the loving
Husband: I miss it all
Husband: but I cant deal with the other stuff that has to go along with it
Me: We didn't try fixing it the right way as we know we needed to, or the way it used to work for us before it all changed and we ended up here like this. We didn't follow through. I know my part in where I went wrong. I need time right now, Baby. If you want to work on our marriage, you know how to reach me. Until then, I remain your loyal wife. Good night.

That was our last text. :scratchhead:

I am getting mixed signals. One minute he is totally done and enforces it to me that we are totally through and he cannot do this anymore. He enforces that a lot. The next it seems like he is still considering and appears offended/slighted when I've agreed with him that it should end. When we have talked casual everyday stuff and I told him I met a new friend in exercise class (we're new to this area), he assumed it was a man (after telling me 2 days prior to this, he "released" me from my vows and told me to go date whoever I want and move on) and spat at me in text, "YOU CAN TELL YOUR NEW FRIEND HE CAN DO THE PAINTING YOU NEED IN THE HOUSE THEN!!!!" I said, "Um, ok? I will tell HER that??" ---No response in return to that. Generally, he does have a mild jealous streak which has not caused us any issues in our relationship.

I do not know what to think anymore. I don't know what to believe or what to make of him. I'm becoming very depressed. 

Silence is golden. I am now taking that road entirely. It's been very difficult to do that to this point and I really have tried with so much difficulty....but now I feel I have no other option. I feel that since he says he misses me, etc. the "seed" is there in his head and it may grow. Maybe it will lead him back home to want to try, I hope. I am backed off entirely now and silent for a few days.

What do you see going on here? Your advice to me is?

Thanks in advance.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

He likes the good times but left because times are not always good and told you he doesn't want to be bothered unless times can always be good. But who needs a fair weather husband? In other words, he wants his way, he has to always be right, and you have to always be wrong. If he cannot get his way and if he cannot be right, then he will take his marbles and run home. Why is that so difficult to see that only a man can sum it up for you?

I know it's hard but you have to keep standing your ground. You see what happened when you told him he cannot be right all the time and he has to put effort into working on the marriage. You have not heard from him in a few days. Before that, he missed you and wanted to come home so badly but disappeared again because marriage requires work, which he is not willing to do. You are the one who admitted your role in the breakdown of your marriage. You are the one who wants to work on fixing it and getting help. He refuses to work on it or do anything but stick around for the good times. What does that tell you? Are you willing to spend your life being his yes man? Do you want to live knowing he will leave you if you should become ill or if the children you have together are not perfect in every way. Any time a person insists he will not work on the marriage but still wants to be with you, it means he insists on being right and your job is to be perfect and to do as he says and make him right. It means you do not deserve validation within the marriage. No one matters but him. No opinion matters but his. No one's feelings matter but his. No needs and wants matter but his own.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

please don't fight with your man. Just remember, we want to win him, we want to win his heart, we don't want to win the argument. You fight, you win the argument, you lose him. Men can't stand women who like to fight and argue. 

Is that the reason? Please ask him? If it is, then both of you should sit down and talk about things in a calm voice, never raise your voice. 

Good luck!


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