# Seperated. Few questions about wife



## MSC71

In Georgia there is no legal seperation. Just stating you ate not engaging in sex. Which we have been until recently. Bad move, I know. But we are still legally married, and she has BF who she just took our child to spend the weekend with. It's not the first time. He saw them hugging and is upset. We have him 50/50 now but when he is with her there is no stability. She's living with her parents and she is taking him different places every weekend. That's not good to me. He should have a stable normal routine. Am I crazy? Does this effect her in a bad way as far as divorce goes ?


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## pollywog

You need to speak to an attorney. Most will allow a free consultation.


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## MSC71

I have one. I spoke to him. I'm torn on what to do. I raised my kid alone I feel as my wife was in school or having fun. I want him to have a stable home environment. She keeps showing me he is not getting that. I'm the responsible parent. Sometimes I wish I could be the irresponsible one for just a few weeks.


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## MrsDraper

While it may not be the best thing, if he is just going along with them to dinner and sees them hugging, that is not the worst thing in the world. Her living with her parents (and your son being there) is probably a good thing. It limits the boyfriend sleeping over and overstepping parenting boundaries. 

While it can be upsetting - if you were dating, you might want to take your son along for dinner or for an activity during the weekends you have him. I would choose your battles depending on what is being described by your son. Talk to your wife as well - tell her that you are concerned and that it is bothering you. Tell her that you have only been separated for XX weeks, that you are worried that it is confusing to your son that he sees his mom with another man so soon. Ask her to hold off (nicely) for a while while you all process the divorce as a family. DO NOT tell her not to date - because that is a sure fire way to make sure she will continue to do it. I would be very careful on how you word it when you do ask her. Just ask for some more time before introducing significant others - at least until after the divorce is finalized.

If it is sleepover stuff - yeah, I can totally see being super upset and I would again ask her to put herself in your shoes. Ask her maybe to make activities during the day or whatever but not sleepover because it is confusing for your son. Tread water carefully so it doesn't backfire. Maybe an email would be best so you have written documentation for your lawyer.


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## MSC71

We have been seperated for a year. I'm in a bad place mentally now. Have not eaten in days. Stressed. Worried. Sad. Some people say to snap out of it , wish it were that easy.


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## cdbaker

I have read just a couple of your threads thus far but man, this all sounds incredibly unhealthy for both you and your son. It also sounds like (and please understand I'm not trying to be mean or overly critical here. Lord knows I have done far worse) you allow her to walk all over you. Sometimes I think it can be good to show how open you are to her, how forgiving, and that she can feel free to call on you. Other times it just sends her the message that you are not worthy of respect and essentially encourages her to have fun doing her own thing, because she can rely on you to always be there for both her needs and your son's.

Of course, you DO need to always be there for your son. I'm sure a lot of people would say you need to go for the divorce post-haste, especially given that she has a boyfriend. I can speak from experience that marriages CAN still be saved from that and even worse, but you really have to decide if that is what you want. If you want to try to save it, then you need to lay down some ground rules and be firm. Don't threaten anything too bad up front (like, "I will divorce you and fight tooth and nail for full custody!") as that will put her into a defensive mode that will lead to the courthouse. But make it clear that what she is doing is NOT ok. It is NOT ok for your son either.

Unless there is some external reason for supporting her in some way, stop supporting her financially. Stop being available to her emotionally. STOP sleeping with her. Keep making responsible decisions for your son and go even further, be dad-of-the-year and don't be afraid to let her, her family, everyone see it. Enjoy it too. I'm sure you are familiar with the "180". 

All of this will either draw her back (and seriously, DO NOT just let her waltz back in with zero commitment or without a waiting period to test it) or push her further into her irresponsibility. If she goes the later route, then you can pursue the divorce and will likely have even more ammo to get favorable custody terms. (Something very difficult in a conservative state like GA, which I also unfortunately have some experience with.) It might bring her back, but again be aware that there could be a "panic" reaction to the idea of losing her support system in you. That would be very temporary, so you have to (for lack of a better word) sort of make her prove it over time.

Sorry those are my thoughts for now. Best of luck man.


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## MSC71

We have a 50/50 child agreement. Bit I'm concerned about the life he is subject to with her. I know I can't control her, but my son is always my #1 priority. He needs stability and only gets that with me.


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## r0r0bin

Prepare evidence of affair so that you will win the custody.


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