# Do men really get BORED with their wives?



## aloha

Seriously. Do men really get bored with their wives? I feel like an old shoe after 24 years of marriage. Not sure but he loves to get his ego stroked when other women pay attention to him and its not because of his looks cause he's not that handsome (so I've been told by my friends)....but I think he is. I would do and go anywhere that he wanted me to but he doesn't feel the same way. He's always trying to pawn me off onto other people, family or friends. What is your opinion men?


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## lastinline

I can only speak for my personal situation, but no after 18 years I am nowhere even close to being bored with my wife. Frustrated sure, exasperated uh huh, perplexed yep, but no the "bored" adjective doesn't fit. I still find her very attractive if that is what you were alluding to and quite mysterious. I could do without the mysterious part however. I would say though with complete candor, that I know her well. I can complete her phrases, do things before she asks to have them done, that sort of thing. My counter-question I would pose to you is that after 24 years of marriage do you feel you truly understand your husband?


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## okeydokie

22 years and yes. she is probably bored with me too. it doesnt have to be that way but it is


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## Justawife

Bored...hummm.... I dont think it's that... I think that after 24 years you just need to be you...People sometimes become one...and they still need to be two...


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## okeydokie

no, it's boredom in my case.


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## MarkTwain

Ah.. the "B" word. When my wife and I had our first daughter, I insisted that we never used the word "bored" in her presence. So for quite some time, she never heard the word often enough to know what it meant. I was working on the understanding that if she did not know the word for "bored" she would not feel it.

Anyway, at some point she picked it up and "Mommy I'm bored" soon followed. 

Boredom is a natural human response to the same stimuli when it's encountered over and over again. Love can help to mask it, but in reality - you have to mix things up a little. If you bring new things into your own personality, your partner will perceive the change.

Here are some tips:

1) Read books, and if you read a lot already, read books that are not the type you normally read.

2) Get out of the house and spend time with friends, and try to make new ones. Meeting *new *people is the best way to become a more interesting person. However, please bear in mind that gossiping with *old *friends is the fastest way to become more boring...


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## Harvard

its the routine....gets to be a annoying and leaves feeling bored...so the answer to your question in my opinion is yes. suggestions, Date Night once a week, quality time away or at home but just the two of you. I would not spend more time with just friends. I tried that and was never home because we ended up always planning guy stuff which made matters worse for a while. We swithed to doing more with couples and things have improved since along with the couple time I mentioned. Hope this helps!


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## D8zed

Bored? Yes. And what do you do if you can't stand being around them???


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## nightshade

H says life would be boring without me. Albeit, quiet and sane.


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## okeydokie

D8zed said:


> Bored? Yes. And what do you do if you can't stand being around them???



i'm getting there real quick


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## Rhea

D8zed said:


> Bored? Yes. And what do you do if you can't stand being around them???


What is it that makes you not want to be around them? Just out of curiosity...there may inlay the solution possibly.


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## Rhea

okeydokie said:


> i'm getting there real quick



Same question for you...why do you think you and your DW are bored w/each other? Just the routine? Or other things?

Again just out of curiosity...?


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## okeydokie

Rhea said:


> Same question for you...why do you think you and your DW are bored w/each other? Just the routine? Or other things?
> 
> Again just out of curiosity...?


my marriage is incomplete. i continue to lose interest in all aspects because a few aspects are gone. i'm not looking for advice and i think the outcome is inevitable, the process in underway.

i could fix it if i really worked very hard and changed who i am, but that means she gets to stay who she is which isnt acceptable. i have read enough on here to know what i'm dealing with. my conclusion is that my spouse has become a defective unit that wont help herself or help fix us.


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## nightshade

okeydokie said:


> my marriage is incomplete. i continue to lose interest in all aspects because a few aspects are gone. i'm not looking for advice and i think the outcome is inevitable, the process in underway.
> 
> i could fix it if i really worked very hard and changed who i am, but that means she gets to stay who she is which isnt acceptable. i have read enough on here to know what i'm dealing with. my conclusion is that *my spouse has become a defective unit* that wont help herself or help fix us.


That makes her sound like a CPU or something. 

Anyway, I'm sorry. What about 'who she is' is unacceptable?


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## MarkTwain

okeydokie said:


> i could fix it if i really worked very hard and changed who i am, but that means she gets to stay who she is which isnt acceptable. i have read enough on here to know what i'm dealing with. my conclusion is that my spouse has become a defective unit that wont help herself or help fix us.


At last the truth comes out. With this frame of mind you are doomed.


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## okeydokie

MarkTwain said:


> At last the truth comes out. With this frame of mind you are doomed.



well mark, i prefer to think of it as "we are doomed"

again, if she wont fix the things she is deficient in, i cant help her

i believe advice i recieved from you at one time is that i'm enabling her behavior (pack ratting, medical probs that dont get looked into, OCD), i have discussed those things with her to no avail.


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## okeydokie

mommy22 said:


> Her libido shot up momentarily awhile back. What was her explanation for that?


there wasnt one. in retrospect it only clouded the issues further


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## MarkTwain

okeydokie said:


> well mark, i prefer to think of it as "we are doomed"
> 
> again, if she wont fix the things she is deficient in, i cant help her


Dude, you are off the freaking scale 

Do you remember "Quantum Leap"?

Sam was able to jump into other peoples, ahem situations. What if I jumped into yours... would I fare any better?


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## okeydokie

MarkTwain said:


> Dude, you are off the freaking scale
> 
> Do you remember "Quantum Leap"?
> 
> Sam was able to jump into other peoples, ahem situations. What if I jumped into yours... would I fare any better?



ok, off the scale how?

i never watched quantum leap but i remember it

i have no idea how you would fare in my situation, if you enable my wifes behavior and she doesnt change, will you be successful? if you give her ultimatums to change and she doesnt and you stay anyway, i dont know if you call that success.

if you kiss her butt and not see improvement for you, let me know how that works for ya.


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## Amplexor

okeydokie said:


> my conclusion is that my spouse has become a defective unit that wont help herself or help fix us.





nighshade said:


> That makes her sound like a CPU or something.





mommy22 said:


> Her libido shot up momentarily awhile back. What was her explanation for that?





okeydokie said:


> there wasnt one. in retrospect it only clouded the issues further


Sounds more like a Vista upgrade to me. :rofl:

Back to the OP, even with the problems we've had in the marriage, I've never been bored with my wife of 20+ years. She keeps me hopping. Wanting to kiss her one minute, strangle her the next.


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## okeydokie

if she was a CPU i wouldn't need it's cooperation to get it fixed, wonder if the geek squad can come over and work on her...Mark?


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## michzz

There is a tv show on hoarders on A&E now. Pretty sad but fascinating.

Hoarders - A&E TV

it seems to me that the mental illness that allows things to take over a person's life is deeply entrenched and doesn't respond well to treatment. So the people in a hoarder's life have a huge mess, literally and emotionally, to deal with.

My MIL could have been on that show. She passed away over a year ago, several years after the family got her out of her way beyond cluttered house, and the family is still clearing out junk!

That lifestyle can suck out the affection out of anyone.


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## Rhea

My grandmother and my mother both horde sh*t...three 30ft dumpsters worth of sh*t were removed from my dear grandmother's house before my Aunt and Uncle moved in with her to take care of her....I'd be scared to undelve exactly what caused it as there are some secrets that are sorta known yet untalked about in our fam...


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## Gomez

I got bored for a bit, but then it went away and now I really like being with my wife again.

Actually I feel really lucky and part of something special with her all the time.


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## Gomez

Rhea said:


> My grandmother and my mother both horde sh*t...three 30ft dumpsters worth of sh*t were removed from my dear grandmother's house before my Aunt and Uncle moved in with her to take care of her....I'd be scared to undelve exactly what caused it as there are some secrets that are sorta known yet untalked about in our fam...


Its funny how every family has these problems, but noone talks about them cause everyone thinks noone else could possibly go through such crazy crap.


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## cao428

I think each partner has a responsibility to the relationship to keep it fun & interesting by growing as individuals, exploring new things, reading and doing. I can't say I am a perfect example of that...but I am trying just because I know it will enrich my life.


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## shelleyv

The reality is people change. After years of marriage you wake up one day realising the person you are with might no longer be the person you married. People, grow up, some dont, some people develop different interests. Woman change when they have babies. I am certainly not the person I was when I got married 9 years ago. The key thing is to keep doing the things that you both love and enjoy and respect each other enough to accept the things you dont. Ask him if he is bored. It would be a real shame to end your relationship based on that. There are many things you can do to spice things up. Its just that you both have to be prepared to do it, for the sake of your relationship and not throwing away many many good years together.


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## MarkTwain

Staying with our "Quantum Leap" theme... 



okeydokie said:


> if you kiss her butt and not see improvement for you, let me know how that works for ya.


I'm only going to kiss her butt if I am using your body  

That way I can probably skirt round having to ask my wife's permission 

But seriously, I would employ my secret weapon... no it's not what you're thinking. It's called humour.

A few months ago my wife snapped at me for no reason, and I said - with an dirty grin on my face - "I'm going to have to spank you if you keep doing that" . Not only did we both have a laugh, but all sorts of fun things ensued 2 or 3 days later because of this little interaction (that I'm too polite too share).

The point is... in the old days (and not that long ago) I would have argued with her snappiness. And it is usually about nothing. NOTHING at all. It was PMT nothing more. She gets it so lightly that it often catches me out. Once an argument starts, the mood lowers and half the day or indeed half the week can be lost to stormy weather.

I read in a book by David Deida that part of the male role is to bounce the woman out of her moods with humour and machismo etc. I did not like the book, but paragraphs like that are pure gold.

Now I have to come clean here and confess something. Despite the fact that I'm always saying women talk in code, sometimes they speak directly. My wife for ages kept saying, if only you were more fun and jolly about it, I would want sex more often.

Of course I could not understand how I was supposed to feel jolly after not having had sex for 48 hours. Geeeeeeez. But one day, after she had said it fort the 50th time, and another (older) man told me the same thing. I finally got it.

You see, moody grumpy men are no sexier than moody grumpy women. What a woman wants to see is that, not only are you not the slightest bit affected by her bad mood, but that you have enough "joie de vivre" for the both of you. You are her ticket to transcending her own hormones etc. Women are often worrying about something. They want a "get out of jail" card. If you can be the ticket to light reliefsville you are on the right track.

So going back to our Quantum Leap situation, I would either make her laugh until she fell over, or I'd leave her on the spot. You would come back to find that either she was chasing you round the bedroom, or that you no longer lived at that address. On no account would any butt kissing have taken place


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## okeydokie

Mark, here we go again. The issue falls into my lap to fix, and i think i may be past the point of wanting to. She is an adult that can only be labeled a child if i have to do those things to snap her out of it. She has to be willing to listen and act (not about sex, but the other stuff). I have agreed with you that I can fix this if i continue to enable her, make her feel comfortable and then i get what i want. It's when i try to improve her (which is what you are suggesting i think) when she doesn't appear to want to be improved that starts the problems.


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## MarkTwain

I'm exasperated! You are not understanding me.



okeydokie said:


> Mark, here we go again. The issue falls into my lap to fix, and i think i may be past the point of wanting to. She is an adult that can only be labeled a child *if i have to do those things to snap her out of it*.
> All women need this treatment from time to time. What you are really saying is that if you had 3 different women after her, your relationships would end up in a similar state after a while.





okeydokie said:


> *She has to be willing to listen and act* (not about sex, but the other stuff).


No. You only need to control your own behaviour. She will react automatically to fresh input. You have become a stuck record as far as she is concerned, and she in turn keeps giving you the same responses.



okeydokie said:


> I have agreed with you that I can fix this if i continue to *enable *her, make her feel comfortable and then i get what i want.


This is where you have misunderstood me the most, and perhaps it's my fault for being too wordy. I usually use the word
"enable" to indicate that someone is enabling the "bad" or unwanted behaviour. Making her feel comfortable to get what you want is the opposite of what I am saying - especially in the way you are doing it.



okeydokie said:


> It's when i try to improve her (which is what you are suggesting i think) when she doesn't appear to want to be improved that starts the problems.


No way! You can only work on yourself.

Now I'm more convinced than ever that the Quantum Leap would work. All we need now is the technology and a power source.


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## okeydokie

ok mark, in simple terms, knowing what you do about my issue.....

how do i improve this by working on me????


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## Loving Husband

For me personally I have grown closer to my wife over the past year then I have the first half of our 15 year marriage. I was horrible before kids born. I was always on computer playing online games. It was all innocent with only fun no other issues with it.. Yet I didn't focus on her more and I regret it..


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## okeydokie

Loving Husband said:


> For me personally I have grown closer to my wife over the past year then I have the first half of our 15 year marriage. I was horrible before kids born. I was always on computer playing online games. It was all innocent with only fun no other issues with it.. Yet I didn't focus on her more and I regret it..



ok, it's important to understand that I have never had a distraction like you describe (online gaming, etc..) that is to say that if i was putting her needs behind something like that i have no clue what it was. however, i cant say she didn't do that to me.

i did travel for work alot, but that was my job and as the sole breadwinner i had no choice (i havent travelled in over 2 years).


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## Loving Husband

okeydokie said:


> ok, it's important to understand that I have never had a distraction like you describe (online gaming, etc..) that is to say that if i was putting her needs behind something like that i have no clue what it was. however, i cant say she didn't do that to me.
> 
> i did travel for work alot, but that was my job and as the sole breadwinner i had no choice (i havent travelled in over 2 years).


A lot of what most people do is put their marriage on the backburner and leave it alone. Not realizing the damage done by not focusing on it. So many people do this. It's normal.. Yet its bad and needs to be changed. I am praying my wife will give us the chance to work on it. I am making sure through MC that I improve to love her for her. I am also doing the love dare book. I never want to lose my wife and will try to improve me so that doesn't happen.


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## MarkTwain

okeydokie said:


> ok mark, in simple terms, knowing what you do about my issue.....
> 
> how do i improve this by working on me????


I need more info. Both your ages, and your physical conditions, and any other data you care to throw in.


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## mrnice

Pawn you off, hmmm yep he's bored! But shouldn't be trying to pawn you off at every chance he gets.
Get some new friends, that will help start not foccussing on him so much. He'll wonder what's going on.


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## sleepy

okeydokie said:


> my marriage is incomplete. i continue to lose interest in all aspects because a few aspects are gone. i'm not looking for advice and i think the outcome is inevitable, the process in underway.
> 
> i could fix it if i really worked very hard and changed who i am, but that means she gets to stay who she is which isnt acceptable. i have read enough on here to know what i'm dealing with. my conclusion is that my spouse has become a defective unit that wont help herself or help fix us.


ha you make her sound like some type of machine, reminds me of a cartoon I saw some time ago True Marriage Relationship Funny Forward


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## hurtbutliving

it just depends on how much you love your life and kids... if i have a gal and kids with her, i would not give a **** about any other gal cos everyman needs to know that whatever it is with other gals is not worth it and they have a girl (if she is true and worthful) waiting for him to come home and make love- if theres no trust there can b never true love


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## hurtbutliving

I know u are an engineer- Just believe in one thing- If you want to you can and if she wants to she will- Just leave the rest and i have to say everyone has to compromise- you and her, for the well being of the family-if u want to and if she wants to


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## hurtbutliving

Physical condition has got nothing to do with the person and its all good till you love them mentally and wan them no matter what


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## Stonewall

I think the marriage graveyard is full of bones from those who got bored, both male and female! It takes work to keep it fresh every day and some people are to lazy to put in that kind of work.


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## romantic_guy

All I can say is after 39 years I can't get enough of my wife. We cherish every moment we spend together. We even worked together for a couple of years and it was great. 

There are many reasons for this, but most of it is that we enjoy the same things. There are many people that would think that we spend too much time together. Except for work, there is not much that we do apart from each other. We also have really worked at our relationship by reading, attending seminars, etc.


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## RandomDude

My STBXW never f--king bores me. That's why we're still going to remain the best of mates.


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## 67flh

hell yea i'm bored with my wife! After years, and years of her only talking about her job. Now don't get me wrong i'm proud of what she's done with herself, and how it helps the family situtition. if i try to steer the conversation away from her job and something else, she gets pissy. she has no friends(other than work) hey it's her life i just gave up[ listening.


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## 7737

Bored..?? Ummm! I think maybe 'comfortable' might be better.
You both know what each other looks like naked...neither of you have anything to prove anymore.... like an old but comfortable shoe!!
We all like 'fresh meat' occasionally (with all due respect). A bit of excitement...a bit of 'wow you look stunning'.... or 'wow! I love your c*ck'....really boosts our ego!

A couple of months ago my wife gave me a HJ... I came loads.... (well, what do you expect?..lucky if she does something for me once a month!)...she said '$hit!! That was loads!!'...made me feel kinda good!

What I'm trying to say is that it is VERY easy to slip into a boring same old same old routine. To keep a fire going you have to stoke it, add more wood etc...cos it you don't it goes out.
Mine has.....sadly. Because she just isn't interested in teh sex part of marriage. But thats for another forum!


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## OhGeesh

YES....but I think wives get bored of their husbands too.


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## that_girl

I don't understand boredom. If you're bored, then make something happen....don't wait for someone else to do it.

That goes for every part of life.


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## Entropy3000

aloha said:


> Seriously. Do men really get bored with their wives? I feel like an old shoe after 24 years of marriage. Not sure but he loves to get his ego stroked when other women pay attention to him and its not because of his looks cause he's not that handsome (so I've been told by my friends)....but I think he is. I would do and go anywhere that he wanted me to but he doesn't feel the same way. He's always trying to pawn me off onto other people, family or friends. What is your opinion men?


I think it works both ways. Meaning if the wife gets bored with the husband she is probably going to actually become more boring to him herself and vice versa.

This is just one aspect of it. You have to keep it exciting.


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## proudwidaddy

I was with my wife for 11 years, until she decided she wasn't in love with me anymore in December of 2011. I never got bored with my wife at all, rather the last three months we were together it seemed to get more exciting. I always loved being around her, how she made me feel complete. It's too bad the feeling was returned, and the marriage is over, sad that our two children don't have their dad in their life every day now.


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## jason_wisehill

Truth YES WE DO... especially when our women stop caring about themselves anymore just like they used to when they were our sexy girl friends... Fun thing is,a mans brain is wired to be easily attracted by what it sees then we fall for it.. so just build on that!


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## OhGeesh

I think everyone get's bored......a better word is acclimated. Love and relatinships change we all see it everyday. I do think men in general tend to "look and daydream" more than women though.


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## proudwidaddy

I don't know, my wife has kicked me to the curb after losing all this weight, even though she says that's not the issue. I think she got bored of being with a great guy, great father, and wants to enjoy the "nightlife". Gee Thanks.


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## clenzemary

Naturally,when you do not create room for varieties in your marriage there is the likelihood that in no distant time your partner (and even you) would get completely bored of the relationship. Most men who complained on this matter often mentioned that their wives no longer care about their physical looks(figure) and personal hygiene. They also complain that their wives often abandon their seeming close relationship immediately the children start coming.Thus the love, care and attention is now completely centered on the children.The result is that they feel abandoned and eventually get bored of the relationship.The essence all this information is to enable you know which ever may be applicable to your case in order to make the necessary adjustment.You need to also develop interest in outdoor games / hobbies especially those ones that your husband takes delight in participating in.You should try to rekindle(with little modifications) those actions that trilled you husband during your courtship / dating and the early years of your marriage . If you watch, you would have observed that most of my explanations focus on the need for you to probe deeper into knowing more of yourself and applying this wisdom into discovering more who your husband actually is and so be able to ignite once again your relationship. If you take out time to practice these steps, be rest assured that in no distant time your marriage would experience a exciting bounce back.


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