# Bad Days



## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

There’s days that I can tell myself that I’ll be much better off and there’s days that I feel like I just got thrown away. My husband treated me like trash the last few months and I guess that’s exactly how I feel. It’s just hard to get through every day but I’m trying my best. It’s so lonely not having someone in your life that asks about your day. I know I only was kidding myself the last few months, thinking he cared, but now I know for sure he doesn’t. I’m having trouble getting my mind off all the lies and how stupid I was to believe them. I can’t understand how a person that you’ve been married to for so long, who knows you better than anyone, can hurt you on purpose?!I hate that I begged him and took his mental abuse. I’ve always been a strong person who doesn’t back down to anything but in the end I was the weak one. He called me over the weekend and I’ve been really good about blocking his calls but he used our dog as an excuse. He only called just to continue lying to me and in the end I just punished myself. Why keep this up? Why torture me even more? It’s almost like he needs a backup in case his fling doesn’t work out. That’s just horrible! How can any person be that cruel? He doesn’t act or even sound like the person I married 18 years ago and it’s killing me. Here I am struggling and he’s just trying to string me along for his own benefit. How can I ever move on?! I made it clear I was no one’s second choice and that I’d never see or talk to him again.. Why am I the one that’s still hurting??


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You’re still hurting because you’re the one who still cares.

Yes, he probably does want to keep you as Plan B in case Plan A falls apart. That’s not uncommon, unfortunately

He played you once. Just don’t let it happen again.


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> You’re still hurting because you’re the one who still cares.
> 
> Yes, he probably does want to keep you as Plan B in case Plan A falls apart. That’s not uncommon, unfortunately
> 
> He played you once. Just don’t let it happen again.


When I talk to him it’s like I want to believe the lies but as soon as I’m off the phone I realize it’s all BS! I have no idea how I became this person! How in the hell is this my life? I do know it’s best to cut off all communication. I threatened restraining order this time hoping it would be the last. I also know Im the only one who’s cared for a long time now. I just wish i knew how to stop.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

LGalloway said:


> There’s days that I can tell myself that I’ll be much better off and there’s days that I feel like I just got thrown away. My husband treated me like trash the last few months and I guess that’s exactly how I feel. It’s just hard to get through every day but I’m trying my best. It’s so lonely not having someone in your life that asks about your day. I know I only was kidding myself the last few months, thinking he cared, but now I know for sure he doesn’t. I’m having trouble getting my mind off all the lies and how stupid I was to believe them. I can’t understand how a person that you’ve been married to for so long, who knows you better than anyone, can hurt you on purpose?!I hate that I begged him and took his mental abuse. I’ve always been a strong person who doesn’t back down to anything but in the end I was the weak one. He called me over the weekend and I’ve been really good about blocking his calls but he used our dog as an excuse. He only called just to continue lying to me and in the end I just punished myself. Why keep this up? Why torture me even more? It’s almost like he needs a backup in case his fling doesn’t work out. That’s just horrible! How can any person be that cruel? He doesn’t act or even sound like the person I married 18 years ago and it’s killing me. Here I am struggling and he’s just trying to string me along for his own benefit. How can I ever move on?! I made it clear I was no one’s second choice and that I’d never see or talk to him again.. Why am I the one that’s still hurting??


@LGalloway Im sorry to hear such pain in your voice.
All of the emotions you are dealing with are normal and there’s just not a very easy way to get through this. It just takes time and maybe a few changes to yourself.

You’ve already mentioned no contact, so you understand the pain involved with that. Instead of talking on the phone you could tell him you will only reply to emails. That would remove his ability to persuade you so easily.

Not having that person there when you come home is tough. That’s the time when you need to schedule volunteer activities, or visit the gym, or whatever you might do for a hobby.

Also, surround yourself with friends or family who you trust. Lean on them for support. Sometimes it’s hard to lean on other people, but just think about it in reverse…what would you do for them if they were going through this? Then let them love you the same way.

Last, I would say to start changing your routine to add special “pampering” sessions for yourself. Treat yourself well. Get that mani/pedi you’ve been wanting, maybe redo your hair. Start reading books more, take long bubble baths. Basically just learn to start loving yourself. Get that monster of an ex out of your head and focus on the new you.

Take care of yourself @LGalloway and keep posting here. It helps to let things out.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

LGalloway said:


> There’s days that I can tell myself that I’ll be much better off and there’s days that I feel like I just got thrown away. My husband treated me like trash the last few months and I guess that’s exactly how I feel. It’s just hard to get through every day but I’m trying my best. It’s so lonely not having someone in your life that asks about your day. I know I only was kidding myself the last few months, thinking he cared, but now I know for sure he doesn’t. I’m having trouble getting my mind off all the lies and how stupid I was to believe them. I can’t understand how a person that you’ve been married to for so long, who knows you better than anyone, can hurt you on purpose?!I hate that I begged him and took his mental abuse. I’ve always been a strong person who doesn’t back down to anything but in the end I was the weak one. He called me over the weekend and I’ve been really good about blocking his calls but he used our dog as an excuse. He only called just to continue lying to me and in the end I just punished myself. Why keep this up? Why torture me even more? It’s almost like he needs a backup in case his fling doesn’t work out. That’s just horrible! How can any person be that cruel? He doesn’t act or even sound like the person I married 18 years ago and it’s killing me. Here I am struggling and he’s just trying to string me along for his own benefit. How can I ever move on?! I made it clear I was no one’s second choice and that I’d never see or talk to him again.. Why am I the one that’s still hurting??


Reading this took me back to my exH, only we were married 8 years... I felt the same way as well, how can he be so cruel and do this on purpose.. The trash part hit me like a ton of bricks. I am sorry that you're hurting... Sending you hugs, love and support. 🤗🥰😘


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @LGalloway Im sorry to hear such pain in your voice.
> All of the emotions you are dealing with are normal and there’s just not a very easy way to get through this. It just takes time and maybe a few changes to yourself.
> 
> You’ve already mentioned no contact, so you understand the pain involved with that. Instead of talking on the phone you could tell him you will only reply to emails. That would remove his ability to persuade you so easily.
> ...


Thanks so much for the advice and the kindness. As far as a support system goes, it’s pretty nonexistent. I moved away for 18 years and most friends have done the same. My parents are trying to be supportive but they are annoyed that I’m not more angry.. I do have anger but there’s a lot of emotions that are far stronger. Guess it’s hard to understand if you haven’t been through it. I did find a job and hopefully will be working a lot of OT soon. I’ll try and work on the self care advice. Feeling pretty low these days! Think I set myself back by talking to him.. Won’t be making that mistake twice. How long did it take you to move on? People keen saying that one day I’ll wake up and not even think about him. I really hope that’s true!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

LGalloway said:


> Thanks so much for the advice and the kindness. As far as a support system goes, it’s pretty nonexistent. I moved away for 18 years and most friends have done the same. My parents are trying to be supportive but they are annoyed that I’m not more angry.. I do have anger but there’s a lot of emotions that are far stronger. Guess it’s hard to understand if you haven’t been through it. I did find a job and hopefully will be working a lot of OT soon. I’ll try and work on the self care advice. Feeling pretty low these days! Think I set myself back by talking to him.. Won’t be making that mistake twice. How long did it take you to move on? People keen saying that one day I’ll wake up and not even think about him. I really hope that’s true!


‘How long’ is really hard to say, it just depends on each person. This really is grief, you go through the same process to deal with it in your unique way. Some folks deal with it quickly, some take much longer. The biggest thing is accept that you are going through this, you can do it, and you will be ok. Take each day as it comes and don’t try to force yourself not to feel.

Having said that you can’t stay this way forever and who would want to? So push yourself a little each day to do things to occupy your time and your mind. Try making some new friends. I heard about a thing called meetup (I know nothing about this) maybe that could help. Or join a local church. Or volunteer at a food pantry. Just get in the world to stay busy, and make some new friends.

Yes, one day you will pause and think, “This was actually a little better than yesterday. I think I can do this.” For me, it was maybe 4-5 weeks when that happened. It was a hard road getting there but it worked.


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

The wave of emotions are horrible! One day I’m like I got this! I’m a beautiful strong women and the next second I’m bawling my eyes out. It’s only Been two weeks since we separated and he moved to his parents but these emotions are horrible. I confronted my hubby today asking what he was leaning towards and he said 99.9 percent divorce. Why do I want the bastard when he cheated on me. But we do text a lot because of our kids. He’s so nice on them. I’m sure it’s this girl why he doesn’t want to come back, which I still don’t get… she lives in another country! Uggg. I hate just depending on my mom. I’m looking for a counselor.


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Supermom24 said:


> The wave of emotions are horrible! One day I’m like I got this! I’m a beautiful strong women and the next second I’m bawling my eyes out. It’s only Been two weeks since we separated and he moved to his parents but these emotions are horrible. I confronted my hubby today asking what he was leaning towards and he said 99.9 percent divorce. Why do I want the bastard when he cheated on me. But we do text a lot because of our kids. He’s so nice on them. I’m sure it’s this girl why he doesn’t want to come back, which I still don’t get… she lives in another country! Uggg. I hate just depending on my mom. I’m looking for a counselor.


I can totally relate. Never thought I’d be living with my parents at 41. The house was in his name and he basically told me to leave, not that I’d stayed after finding out about his GF. Your a very strong person to be able to talk to him and keep it together for your kids. I seem to fall apart if I have to talk to him at all. The counselor is a great idea. I’ve also been thinking it might help if I talked to someone. My family is sick of hearing about it and I don’t blame them..I’m sick of talking about it!! I hope things get better for you.. I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. Some days are better then others. I’ve found that there’s a lot of really great ppl on here who offer excellent advice.. Good luck. Oh and you know your much better off without the cheating DBag!!! We both are! 🙂


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Supermom24 said:


> The wave of emotions are horrible! One day I’m like I got this! I’m a beautiful strong women and the next second I’m bawling my eyes out. It’s only Been two weeks since we separated and he moved to his parents but these emotions are horrible. I confronted my hubby today asking what he was leaning towards and he said 99.9 percent divorce. Why do I want the bastard when he cheated on me. But we do text a lot because of our kids. He’s so nice on them. I’m sure it’s this girl why he doesn’t want to come back, which I still don’t get… she lives in another country! Uggg. I hate just depending on my mom. I’m looking for a counselor.


She may be in another country but that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily there permanently. He’s still trying her out and if she doesn’t work out then he’ll very likely try to come back. And, unfortunately, if he does I think you’ll let him. Just my observation from reading hundreds of stories of women taking cheaters back — plus at one time I did that too. I don’t recommend it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Time and no contact were the only things that helped me. You see much more clearly when you aren’t being played by your emotions. Your heart will trip you up if it has the opportunity.


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> She may be in another country but that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily there permanently. He’s still trying her out and if she doesn’t work out then he’ll very likely try to come back. And, unfortunately, if he does I think you’ll let him. Just my observation from reading hundreds of stories of women taking cheaters back — plus at one time I did that too. I don’t recommend it.


My logical side of my brain is telling me to leave him. But my heart and emotions want him back. I just want to heal already and move on.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Supermom24 said:


> My logical side of my brain is telling me to leave him. But my heart and emotions want him back. I just want to heal already and move on.


You are in the classic battle between your brain telling you to leave and your heart telling you to stay. I’ve been there. The first time my heart won the battle but the second time my brain did. My life is better without him.


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

LGalloway said:


> I can totally relate. Never thought I’d be living with my parents at 41. The house was in his name and he basically told me to leave, not that I’d stayed after finding out about his GF. Your a very strong person to be able to talk to him and keep it together for your kids. I seem to fall apart if I have to talk to him at all. The counselor is a great idea. I’ve also been thinking it might help if I talked to someone. My family is sick of hearing about it and I don’t blame them..I’m sick of talking about it!! I hope things get better for you.. I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. Some days are better then others. I’ve found that there’s a lot of really great ppl on here who offer excellent advice.. Good luck. Oh and you know your much better off without the cheating DBag!!! We both are! 🙂


Yes we are better off! I wish all of us can meet and drink our sorrows away…lol. What does not kill us will make us stronger. 💪


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

LGalloway said:


> There’s days that I can tell myself that I’ll be much better off and there’s days that I feel like I just got thrown away. My husband treated me like trash the last few months and I guess that’s exactly how I feel. It’s just hard to get through every day but I’m trying my best. It’s so lonely not having someone in your life that asks about your day. I know I only was kidding myself the last few months, thinking he cared, but now I know for sure he doesn’t. I’m having trouble getting my mind off all the lies and how stupid I was to believe them. I can’t understand how a person that you’ve been married to for so long, who knows you better than anyone, can hurt you on purpose?!I hate that I begged him and took his mental abuse. I’ve always been a strong person who doesn’t back down to anything but in the end I was the weak one. He called me over the weekend and I’ve been really good about blocking his calls but he used our dog as an excuse. He only called just to continue lying to me and in the end I just punished myself. Why keep this up? Why torture me even more? It’s almost like he needs a backup in case his fling doesn’t work out. That’s just horrible! How can any person be that cruel? He doesn’t act or even sound like the person I married 18 years ago and it’s killing me. Here I am struggling and he’s just trying to string me along for his own benefit. How can I ever move on?! I made it clear I was no one’s second choice and that I’d never see or talk to him again.. Why am I the one that’s still hurting??


My opinion? It sounds like he can't function without a woman blowing smoke up his ***. He's a user. You're still hurting because you actually loved him. But to him, you're no longer 'useful' in gassing up his ego unless his current fling can't do it for him.

Have you taken a look at Chumplady's book/website? It's all about empowering yourself and what to do against narc-like tactics like the one he pulled.


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## LivedThroughIt (12 mo ago)

Hi! You came to the right place for support. I got a lot of solace and healing from reading rebuilding When Your Rationship Ends by Bruce Fisher and attending one of the Rebuilding Seminars. Good luck and know that true healing and a satisfying new life - one that is more aligned with who you are - is possible.


LGalloway said:


> There’s days that I can tell myself that I’ll be much better off and there’s days that I feel like I just got thrown away. My husband treated me like trash the last few months and I guess that’s exactly how I feel. It’s just hard to get through every day but I’m trying my best. It’s so lonely not having someone in your life that asks about your day. I know I only was kidding myself the last few months, thinking he cared, but now I know for sure he doesn’t. I’m having trouble getting my mind off all the lies and how stupid I was to believe them. I can’t understand how a person that you’ve been married to for so long, who knows you better than anyone, can hurt you on purpose?!I hate that I begged him and took his mental abuse. I’ve always been a strong person who doesn’t back down to anything but in the end I was the weak one. He called me over the weekend and I’ve been really good about blocking his calls but he used our dog as an excuse. He only called just to continue lying to me and in the end I just punished myself. Why keep this up? Why torture me even more? It’s almost like he needs a backup in case his fling doesn’t work out. That’s just horrible! How can any person be that cruel? He doesn’t act or even sound like the person I married 18 years ago and it’s killing me. Here I am struggling and he’s just trying to string me along for his own benefit. How can I ever move on?! I made it clear I was no one’s second choice and that I’d never see or talk to him again.. Why am I the one that’s still hurting??


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