# I wanna save marriage but don't know how



## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

Hello all, I am really trying to find the best way to save my marriage and if you have any ideas please let me know.. 

I have been married 11years and have 4 children (3 in marriage) she brought her son to relationship. During this time we have been very close and had a super relationship, best friends and Awsome sex life for the most part. About 2 years everything changed. At this time our sex life was the best ever and we were sexually adventurous and exploring fantasies and keeping this exciting. Around this time I confessed to my wife that 5 years before, on a road trip I had a drunken mistake in which I hooked up with another women for an hour. I felt bad and have been living with guilt and during that 5 years it really made me be closer to wife and realize that wasn't how I am or want to be.she said she forgave me and it wouldn't change anything. She confessed that she made out with a co worker that she commuted with before we married and she also realized that was mistake and it changed their friendship and brought her closer to me

For the next few months she even wanted to fantasize around my experience and it increased sex life. She explored possibilities of engaging with another man. I guess in my own guilty way I said that could be possible. We explored talking to other men on sex website. At one point I started to feel jealous so I asked that we end activity. She agreed. A few months later I logged on our online couple profile and a man she had talked to instantly connected and asked if she left her husband and if she was still interested in connecting. I played along and learned that she and him had continued to talk over past few months. I tried to tell her I knew and address situation, from this point she grew increasingly distant. We attended counselling and she never wanted to talk about this. All she said was what I realize is I can't define myself as your wife but I need to be my own individual and not live my life for happiness of our family and you. 

I really tried to support this effort, taking on many household duties, giving her increased time to go with her friends, explore recreational activities, explore traveling for work etc. 

I have really tried my best to step up
My game and be the best husband.

Over past two years our sex life has been 1 way with her putting in zero effort, and being about her pleasure. For past 5 months our sex life has been non existent. She has cut me off completely. She has never been a kisser but she will no longer kiss me with anything then a peck. She does not like me to touch her. If I wanna give her back massage that's always welcomed but no intimate affection. 

When I address it she says she loves me but is not invested in our marriage and is more focused on her happiness and self definition. She says many times she feels she has choice to make between maintaining our marriage and finding herself and doesn't feel that she can do both. She said at one time she was happy to define herself by a big strong husband and family but now that idea repulses her. 

We have moved to living parallel lives. I take care of taking kids to their active sports lives (which we made family decision to support) although he doesn't go to the boys hockey anymore and I cook and clean on top of my job, I provide opportunity for her to go out and explore. I really believe the only reason she stays is she doesn't wanna change our kids lives and leave the Comfort of our lifestyle. We have summer place, ample vacation time, take kids away every year to destination vacation and live in beautiful home. 

That being said I have learned from my mistake but now find myself feeling Like such a failure as a husband. I wanna keep my marriage and also get back to where we once were.

Please any feedback and our advice about what I can do and what support she needs from a female perspective.


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice


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## UnluckyOne (May 2, 2017)

Wow. So basically you're not married any longer but yet roommates ? As much as I hate to ask are you sure she's not using you for money at this point? I mean why live under the same roof when you are living separate lives with such distance among you? Hope the answer is not because of your child because that's a lie. 

You mentioned you tried MC Does she not express herself nor talk about anything during this? The only chance you have for the truth is for her to open up and tell it. You may live like roomates for years and years and nothing may change. Only thing happening is both of you losing time. Time that will never be replaced or taken back. Try to sit her down and break everything down into detail. I know it's easier said then done and trust me I'm still in the same communication barrier with my own wife. But, I feel if there is no expression or words then nothing will ever get resolved.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
What you describe is quite common and indicates that your W has probably disengaged from the marriage. It would seem from your account of events that she may be cheating and using you for a live in babysitter. What does "going out to explore" mean? Out with the girls or out with other men? In either case she could be seeing other men under the guise of "girls night out". At this point, you behaving in a submissive manner (doormat) is only reinforcing her opinion of you being weak. You must tell her that she is your wife and the mother of your children and either she behaves in like manner or she can leave. Do not allow her to "explore" while you stay at home, babysit, cook and do all the household chores. Does she work or is she a homemaker (SAHM)?

You must enforce her participation in the marriage or demand a D. If you do not she will continue to use you until she finds what she believes to be Mr. Wonderful and she will leave you. You must step up and be a man and tell her if she is gone then leave but if she is your wife then she must behave as such. Weakness does not demand respect and if she does not respect you she will walk all over you.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Flames79 said:


> Does anyone have any thoughts or advice


My thoughts... And I'm warning you this will be a little brutal. Try not to take it personally, we all screw up dude. I'm just going to tell you what I see.

1. Cheating was a bad idea obviously, but at least you came clean about it...
2. Opening your marriage to other men was a worse idea. You gave your wife permission to check out of your relationship emotionally, and to check into one with someone else. And she did...
3. Encouraging your Wife to "explore" other places alone, after this was an even worse idea. You've taken someone who's emotionally distancing themselves from you and given them a green light to physically do so...
4. Stepping up your game around the house would have been a good idea, if it weren't for #3, because now she doesn't have to do anything, and knows you'll do it. But normally good move, your heart was in the right spot, your earlier mistakes just made it work against you.
5. Of course your sex life is non-existent. You've granted this woman permission to cuckold you.
6. Of course your emotional intimacy is gone, she's treating you like the cuckold you've allowed yourself to become. Why would she invest emotionally? 
7. Of course she doesn't go to the kids' events, they're your progeny, and she's cuckolding you. She's gotta focus on other guys dude.
8. You're half-right about why she stays. But it's not for the kids. It's only for the comfort.

So... you say you've learned from your mistake, what lesson have you learned? I don't mean that sarcastically, I think it will give some insight into your state of mind here.

I don't know if it is possible to save your Marriage, because your wife has checked out physically and emotionally. And you've green lighted it. 

We can try though. I'd say you're a candidate for the "If you want to save this relationship, you're going to have to be willing to lose it" stratagem.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

You can't. Seriously, Pandora's Box was opened and that woman, that marriage doesn't exist anymore. You can waste your time wanting and hoping to get back to it, but you'll likely fail and be older when you realize it.

I'd tell her to take a hike, work on yourself and spend time with your kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The increased sexual activity after you told her about your infidelity is called “hysterical bonding”. A large percentage of couples have highly increased sexuality after infidelity is discovered. But it usually ends… and often it does not end well.

It usally takes a person who has been betrayed 2 to 5 years to recover from the infidelity. It seldom goes well if the couple does not seek outside help with this.

You made a huge mistake in allowing the discussion of her being with other men to become an open topic in your relationship. Most women will interpret the idea that their husband is ok with her being with other men as a strong message that he does not respect her and does not really love her. Few men are ok with their wife having sex with another man. So between the cheating and going along with the idea of her being with other men was a huge message to her that you do not cherish her.

Very often, when a person is cheated on, they get very strong feelings of needing to even the score and cheat themselves. It feels like a way to get their equality in the marriage back, and a regain self-respect. But it usually does not help the betrayed spouse if they follow through, it makes them feel worse.

And now, you are making it easy for her to have a separate life from you is not helping either. I know that you think this is giving her space. But the message is, again, “I don’t really care about you, go do what you want.” She had not ever gotten over your cheating, and is basically punishing you all this time in an attempt to regain the self-esteem that you trampled on.

There are things you can try. For example, see if you can get her to read the books “Love Busters” and “His Needs, Her Needs”. The two of you can read them and do the work that they suggest. This would help to restructure your marriage.

Basically, you need to sit her down and tell her that you know you made a terrible choice in the past. But her actions now are not acceptable either. And you are willing to work with her to fix the marriage. Ask her to read those books with you and do the work to fix the marriage. And you need to tell her that fi she will not do that, continuing as you are is not acceptable to you. Either you both fix the marriage or you will divorce her.

You have to be willing to lose your marriage to save it. 

*How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful * by Linda J. MacDonald


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

Hello when I am referring to explore, I am referring to spending time with her closeeat friends and finding opportunity that makes her feel like an independent women capable of living her life and having things of her own in conjunction with being married. I am confident that at this time she is trying to do that. She just keeps telling herself that as long as she living life for her kids and husband that she can't have her own life. I am trying to provide opportunity but she is not succeeding in finding this sense of importance and definition. I believe it is internal and she is looking external. She won't hear it from me as she she's me and our life as the obstacle. 

I understand this is common in late thirties moms that had kids early. I went to university got a good job and made the money and provided the life she wanted. House, car, big family, vacation spot. She has also a decent job also but 1/2 the salary. For years she worked to be a mom, that was her priority. Now the priority shifted and I realize that I have to adapt but she views me as the obstacle and not the supportive husband that I once was. I am trying to show her but she mentally won't allow herself to see it

That being said the changing point I believe is when I told her about my actions of the past. I am guessing she changed her definition of herself at that moment . Not gonna live to make hubby happy


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would confront her if I were you. Tell her you made a mistake opening up the marriage. 

Tell her the only way the marriage continues is if she zips it back up.

Then I would tell your loved ones and close friends on both sides what you both have done. No defensiveness.

Next, make an appointment for marital counseling. She refuses? You file.

Gotta go hard ass on this. I don't see it working any other way, not without a lot more pain.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Here is what happened. When you told her about your affair, she said she was OK with it.

And she was....for awhile. Then it started eating at her. She wanted to do a revenge affair....she really did. But, she settled for a threesome, getting another man off a hookup site.

Then you said...WHOAA! This is a bad idea. And it was, it is a bad idea........... to you.

To her? She needed to get "even" with you. You took that away from her and now she despises you.

And she may have already hooked up with someone. She "was ready" to pull the plug....another man's rubbery plug. This may have happened.

If not, she remains heartbroken by you. Disillusioned by you...maybe all men.

You are no longer on a pedestal. You are dirt under her flip-flops.

And her heart and mind are flip-flopping back and forth. Do I leave him or do I not. Do I pull another man's plug or not.

I think you lost her. She jumped off the hook. She is still swimming around your marriage boat, but her mouth is bloody from that damn corroded hook that you left in her after D-day.

D-Day....Discover day for her. Discard day for your marriage. Sorry.

Your' only hope is to let her go, telling her that you love her with all your heart, but you cannot stand seeing her so troubled. That would be true love from your end.

I think you have a ten percent chance of reconcilliation. And that would only come from a long separation and divorce. Where she can sample some of the other men on the market.

If they do not rate higher than you, then maybe she will come back...likely not. They have an advantage...they did not cheat on her.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Revenge just does not work.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

STOP doing things to please her and make her life easier. You take care of your responsibilities around the house and with the family and let her take care of hers. You take time to go out and "explore" for yourself and your own life, don't ask her about it just do it. If you had the kids at sports all weekend and she didn't join, the next week you tell her that she needs to take them because you have plans to do something else, even if you don't, just go for a drive. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", stop tending to all of her needs and worry about your own, but you need to stop kissing up to her. You did what you did, you were drunk, made a mistake, admitted to it and you own it. There's no reason to keep sucking up to her every need trying to make up for it, THAT'S where you went wrong.

Take care of yourself and your needs, it's the only way she may start to gain respect back for you.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

OP you're coming off very weak and that is an absolute killer to a woman's attraction towards you there's nothing worst you can do. Honestly you need to file for divorce ASAP.! Doesn't mean you have to go through with it, but it could snap her out of her what they call the affair fog. There is no doubt she's cheating on you. You open Pandora's box when you decided to let her experiment with other men. These are the dangers of experimenting with the Swinging lifestyle, Open marriage life style. For you and many other people it went horribly bad and here you are now in the same situation. You have to do something that makes you look strong and be willing to lose the marriage to gain it back (if possible)and that is filing for divorce ASAP anything less than this you might as well get used to having an open marriage and a roommate that you pay for everything doesn't sound like a good deal.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You are in denial.

She is reacting to your affair.

If you do not deal with it on that level, you will not achieve any meaningful results. You still may not get any good results, with all the mistakes made already, but unless you address the root cause you have no chance of solving this.

The problem is her response to your affair.

You trying to explain it all away as something to do with age or some other nonsense is just avoiding the harsh reality. Either deal with the reality, or fail.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

How old are you and your Wife?


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Seems like she knows you are not going anywhere so it going to be easy to test the water and see if she wants to leave or just enjoy what she is doing and know you are the back up plan, life is easy for her you take care of everything and she does what she wants while she plans her new life without you.

Like others mention probably best to file for Divorce and rock her boat a little and if it doesn't rock the boat at least you get out of a situation where you are a second class citizen.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

so are you saying she never took ownership of speaking to this man?...its one thing to live your life for others still another to lie and cheat....i suspect that she is distancing herself because she is still speaking to him or someone else....i think she is feeding you smoke and mirrors.


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

37


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

I am well aware the root cause is the one night stand.. so I have tried to address that at Gottman institute marriage counselling which we attend 2x per month. 

She just keeps saying it's not about affair but more about her trying to find herself

Rest assure, I am working in self and also very aware that this could end and will end if it doesn't change and I will be the one to react.. I know I am an attractive guy, a great dad and a good catch for a women that sees me as not an obstacle of her life. I just don't think that I should react after 5 months we have been in parallel life status. 

I am working out and spending way more time with kids and establishing awsome relationships. The older child her son obviously knows something is going on and is really bonding to mom. And in the process is unfortunately not succeeding because he waffles with his mom.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Flames79 said:


> I wanna keep my marriage and also get back to where we once were.
> 
> Please any feedback and our advice about what I can do and what support she needs from a female perspective.


I hope you receive more female perspective. However from my point of view, you don't know how to save your marriage because there is nothing you could possibly do to save it or to get back to where you once were. Your wife has spoken. She is no longer invested in the marriage and has no desire to change that. For the past five months, she is likely involved with another man. It is easier for her to tell you a lot of abstract reasons of "finding herself" than to tell you that she has a boyfriend. I know this hurts very much.


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

Honestly I have come to an acceptance part that I can not save marriage if I'm the only one who cares. For the sake of children, I wonder if there is a timeline. My counsellor has set guidelines for us... so how long do I wait. Counsollet says I should give it time and work through therapy


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Flames79 said:


> so how long do I wait. Counsollet says I should give it time and work through therapy


As long as your wife sees you waiting, she'll continue to have very little respect for you. Ten years ago I would have thought that maybe if she see how much you love her, she'll be moved and realize how she doesn't want to lose you. However, I now know that life and love does not work that way.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Flames79 said:


> Honestly I have come to an acceptance part that I can not save marriage if I'm the only one who cares. For the sake of children, I wonder if there is a timeline. My counsellor has set guidelines for us... so how long do I wait. Counsollet says I should give it time and work through therapy




What’s her attitude towards and at counseling sessions? Is she an active open participant during the sessions or does she just sit there because she has to? When doing the exercises that the counselor gives you at home, does she positively participate in them? Does she ever initiate doing the exercises? 

My wife and I also went to a Gottman counselor. The problem was that she didn’t want to be there and you could tell. She never wanted to do the exercises and never initiated any of them. After the 4th session she said she didn’t want to go anymore because she didn’t believe in it and thought it was a waste of money. Counseling only works if both people want to fix the marriage, if the sessions are one sided they are pointless.

I admire you wanting to stay because of the kids and hope things work out, I’m currently doing the same thing. The difference is that I took back my life, I do more for myself, with my son, and without her. She has seen this and the many other changes in me and it has started to bring her back into the relationship.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Flames79;17862273[B said:


> I confessed to my wife that 5 years before, on a road trip I had a drunken mistake in which I hooked up with another women for an hour.[/B] I felt bad and have been living with guilt and during that 5 years it really made me be closer to wife and realize that wasn't how I am or want to be.she said she forgave me and it wouldn't change anything.


They say that: *The Truth will set you Free.*

It did....set you free. Free wheeling.

This flies in the *Face Book of telling tales*. *Tails* that were landed and bedded, some time in the *Past and the Furious*. Furious awaits those who slip on the opened truth.

You land on your face, out the door....Ouuut and about, and crushed. *Crushed by the Wheel*. By the Waggin wheel Finger. 

Well....Wee-all, I told the Truth. And now I am free.

*Sheee-et, thrice.*


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

Not sure what to read I. The last post. Not really understanding that message


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
The bottom line is that you betrayed your W and then she betrayed you with the online affair. Perhaps it was out of revenge or perhaps she simply wanted/wants out of the marriage. Ultimately there nothing you can do if she is unwilling to work on the relationship. Your only course of action is to work on you and show her that you are truly remorseful and contrite however, that does not mean weak and submissive. She must see something in you worthy of her respect and by having that ONS you severely compromised your position of respectability. Now you must man up and prove to her that you are indeed a man worthy of respect while simultaneously proving your trustworthiness and dedication to the marriage. A daunting task indeed.

It may very well be that the damage is too extensive and no amount of effort on your part will cause her to gain back her respect for you but it is your only recourse. Being overly accommodating will only serve to further prove your weakness to her.


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

I agree it is truely a fine balance


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Flames79 said:


> Does anyone have any thoughts or advice


Your hook up was when you were married?
If so that was the beginning of the end, I'm sorry.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Flames79 said:


> I am well aware the root cause is the one night stand.. so I have tried to address that at Gottman institute marriage counselling which we attend 2x per month.
> 
> She just keeps saying it's not about affair but more about her trying to find herself
> 
> ...


She is lying.

Finding herself is her way to create distance so she can pursue an affair.

"I can't stop you from finding yourself. Just understand that I will not remain married to someone who insists on doing so."

Or a more cynical view:

"You are more than welcome to find yourself, just don't be surprised when one of the things you find is you...divorced."


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Steve1000 said:


> As long as your wife sees you waiting, she'll continue to have very little respect for you. Ten years ago I would have thought that maybe if she see how much you love her, she'll be moved and realize how she doesn't want to lose you. However, I now know that life and love does not work that way.


Tell your counselor that you agree with your wife, and are no longer interested in investing in the marriage, so you will be filing.

She wants freedom.

Always give defiant people what they want. It rarely works out like they expect.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Flames79 said:


> My counsellor has set guidelines for us... so how long do I wait. Counsollet says I should give it time and work through therapy


LOL. Of course he does. His kid needs braces. 

You can sit in some quack therapist's office for years and help put all his kids through college - it's NOT going to change the fact that your wife is no longer invested in you and you're beating a dead horse. 

Ain't gonna change it.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Both of you have a history of infidelity and poor boundaries in this relationship, and that really doesn't bode well, long term.

And look, if she is in a relationship with another dude(s), be it an EA or PA, you aren't going to have much success in MC. With your history and the online thing, I think it is very likely that there is infidelity of some form or fashion going on with her...and a good chance that you have only touched the tip of the iceberg. She may be "finding herself" with other dudes on the internet (webcams or whatever) or physically "finding herself" on their ****s. 

It'd also be helpful to know what is going on with her in the marriage counseling. Because it sounds like you guys have been going for a while. Is she taking it seriously, doing the exercises or just going through the motions? If she isn't engaged in the process, see my first paragraph. MC is notoriously ineffective when there are 3 people in the relationship.

I see a lot of red flags and think you need to start digging! 

Is she protecting her cell phone? Is she being transparent? Can you track her on "girls night out"?


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## Flames79 (May 9, 2017)

Obviously based on my initial write up i made her sound like she was out sleeping around. This is not the case. 

So here it is, my wife goes to work and home after work. She is exploring herself with a group of girls doing a multi level Marketing gig. Not my cup of tea but I offered to support her in it but she says she wants her own thing. She is redefining herself in healthy ways so far but using external things instead of looking inward, she has done work trips, been active in fitness and now this new gig. Anyways she won't see what I am saying. 

She is just very cold and distant. Doesn't like affection. I obviously had times through our marriage when I was moody and depressed at times and wasn't the best husband. We have 4 kids and so I don't wanna turn everyone's life upside down without knowing I did all I can to save marriage. I have set some boundaries around our financials 

How long do I wait for signs of progress before I say enough. I don't wanna live like this forever but I could use this time to work on myself more. 

I believe in husband leadership and so I am stepping up to the plate but how long should I wait

She says that she needs to find what makes her happy and until that happened our relationship on back burner 

She spends a lot of free Time on Facebook and iPhone

I just spend time being lonely, out with boys to take my mind off things and then cleaning and cooking when I'm home


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

If you think sitting idly by while she prioritizes a multitude of things over the relationship is leading, I would challenge you to reevaluate your definition of leadership.


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## autopilot (Mar 16, 2012)

Flames79 said:


> 1. ...a man she had talked to instantly connected and asked if she left her husband and if she was still interested in connecting. I played along and learned that she and him had continued to talk over past few months. I tried to tell her I knew and address situation, from this point she grew increasingly distant. We attended counselling and she never wanted to talk about this.
> 
> 2. I really tried to support this effort, taking on many household duties, giving her increased time to go with her friends, explore recreational activities, explore traveling for work etc.
> 
> ...


Flames,

Let me try to unpack some of the stuff that you said above.

First, you are in absolute denial about the obviousness of your situation. You no longer have a marriage but a co-habitation. Quit justifying her actions and take them for what they really mean...she has checked out of the marriage and has ZERO respect for you. The numbers below are in reference to the number of paragraphs that I quoted you from:

1. She grew increasingly distant and didn't want to discuss in counseling because she IS CHEATING on you. And apparently has discussed leaving you with those whom she's been in online contact with.

2. You have green-lighted her to go and live a life without you and with someone else. And it sounds like she's enjoying do that based on #6 below.

3. You have actually done the opposite and turned into a doormat to her and she now respects you less than ever.

4. No sex because your are repulsive to her based on all that I've quoted you. She doesn't see you as the "man of the house" but as the weakling that you've become. A woman wants a strong and decisive man that will treat her with respect. You don't respect her or you wouldn't have entertained bringing another man into your bedroom.

5. She is telling you she is done with the marriage. You said in your own quote that she is repulsed by a husband and family.

6. She is just biding her time for a better offer to come along when she will jump ship. You've given her a free pass to go and do as she pleases (which is showing incredible disrespect to her and your marriage). Because you don't respect her, she doesn't respect you.

Open your eyes to see the incredible red flags that you are ignoring in your lives. Both of you are doing irreparable harm to your relationship. I'm not sure that it can be saved unless you both put forth the efforts to work on your relationship and change the many things that you are doing wrong.

The first thing to do is quit being the wimp in the relationship. Put your foot down to be the man and leader that you claim to be. Demand respect and show her respect. Nothing is going to improve until you get your dignities back.

Once you "man up", then work on building a relationship TOGETHER. Living parallel lives isn't the ticket and will only lead to a miserable life of frustration and more resentment. You've got to reinvest in each other together. That's what makes a marriage. Two people co-habiting under the same roof are just roommates (and not necessarily friends).

Wake up and smell the coffee... Good luck.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Any input you have means nothing because she does not respect you. Same way you would not listen to a homeless person for financial advice.

You are convenient and she is taking advantage of you because you are allowing that situation to occur. You help with bills, you give her the free time to detach further away from you. You are shielding her from the consequences of being a single mother. You are providing services that if you two were to separate, she would not get. She would have to stay home the days you do not have the children, clean after them, cook, be around.

My advice, work out, go out and let her be a real parent so you can also have a life of your own.

Let me ask you this, why should she give a damn when you are there to wait and put into the effort to stop the boat from sinking. It has a hole and everything but your own efforts is enough to keep it afloat. Eventually you will tire out and not care anymore because of the pain and strain of being the one that mostly cares. She will eventually burn you out. At this point, you do not know if she will help you fix the hole or not, but all this effort is a waste of time until you push her into a corner and see how she responds. Would it be better to jump ship and look for other floating devices?

In essence, you are convenient.If she is just going to leave you anyways, then fine, learn and move on. You will heal faster once a decision is made. You will recover and eventually move on. Dragging it out only prolongs the date you start healing and creating a new life. Place tags of what actions your relationship really is. Roommate, someone to help split the bills, babysitter, so she can have a fulfilling life while your own is on hold,maid, why not, she needs more time to enjoy her lifestyle while you take on the added stressors.

You screwed up, you have some issues, work on them. Your relationship has failed, but hopefully you gained some insight how your actions have lead to this current situation. That is life, we may not get the forgiveness for our actions but we can only learn and go from there so we do not make the same mistakes. You will be a better partner. Just like touching fire causes pain, you can learn from this pain.


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