# So my wife says to me...



## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

So I was giving my wife a foot massage (which I enjoy thoroughly) and she says, "I let you do that because I know you like it." Ladies, what does that mean?

My interpretation of her comment (influenced by her body language and other comments she has made to me) is that she really doesn't like it much, thinks it's weird, but puts up with it because she knows I like enjoy doing it.

Perhaps I am just really bad at giving a foot massage, but how unpleasant could it be? Even if she is not really into it, is it too much to expect that she'd make an effort to meet me on my terms in this area? Verbal and non-verbal communication that says that she's just putting up with something that she finds unpleasant is not meeting me on my terms, in my opinion. 

I can't help but think how she would react if I said to her, "I spend time with you because I know you like it" or "I say I love you because I know you like it."


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Who are these women??? Don't want sex, don't want a foot massage. Sounds like a great life. I would just stop doing it, don't waste your energy. She "lets" you do it? Wtf?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Agreed with diwali. She lets you massage her foot. Unless she has some issue you aren't saying here, I don't get it.

I'd be a bit ticked at that comment too to be honest based on what you have presented here. I don't agree with tit-for-tat, but that's almost begging a smartass comment the next time she does something for you that you don't really care about one way or another.

I'd stop the foot massages for a while too.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

could be she thinks you have a foot fetish?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Uh, I'd love it for my husband to give me a foot massage. You never go wrong with them unless you rub too hard. I absolutely love foot massages, but my husband hates feet. Especially mine since I don't wear shoes if I don't have to. It doesn't matter how good I wash my feet, he won't do it. Oh well. He does so much for me that I can't complain. I do have the most wonderful husband I adore!

Some people just don't like their feet rubbed. I don't mind other people's feet either. Everyone has unique feet, but I do not have a foot fettish.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

If she doesn't like it...don't do it. Did you ask her if she doesn't like foot massages? And if so, what was her reply? There are times when my husband will try to massage my shoulders, but I ask him to stop because it honestly hurts too much. Yea, lots of tension built up. I know, massaging would help, but when it hurts, not ache, but HURTS, I ask him to stop. I have OFFERED to massage his back, etc... he has declined with BS excuses, but I don't push it. If he doesn't want it, I don't force it.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I don't think it's anything negative..... it's one of those things that she can "take it or leave it". It's not a knock against you. If you get pleasure from doing it ...then do it. She didn't say not to. If it's not something you care about, then stop, because she doesn't care either. I'd probably ask, is there something else that you would appreciate? I mean, if you are trying (doing a service) to please your spouse, then it should be something that actually pleases them. 

There are a few things that my H does that I can "take or leave"...but he likes it so I don't mention it either way, and pretty much just go with it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

cent130130 said:


> So I was giving my wife a foot massage (which I enjoy thoroughly) and she says, "I let you do that because I know you like it." Ladies, what does that mean?
> 
> My interpretation of her comment (influenced by her body language and other comments she has made to me) is that she really doesn't like it much, thinks it's weird, but puts up with it because she knows I like enjoy doing it.
> 
> ...


I give my wife full nude body massages and yes I massage her feet. She loves this. Yes I enjoy it too. In addition I often just massage her feet.

I don't question it. It's all good. 

Are there women who do not enjoy a foot rub?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> I don't think it's anything negative..... it's one of those things that she can "take it or leave it". It's not a knock against you. If you get pleasure from doing it ...then do it. She didn't say not to. If it's not something you care about, then stop, because she doesn't care either. I'd probably ask, is there something else that you would appreciate? I mean, if you are trying (doing a service) to please your spouse, then it should be something that actually pleases them.
> 
> There are a few things that my H does that I can "take or leave"...but he likes it *so I don't mention it either way, *and pretty much just go with it.


But she did mention it. Like she was doing him this big favor. Sounds a bit like a passive agressive way of saying she does not like them. How is she in other areas? Is this kind of response common? Does she actively tell you when she does not like things?


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

sounds like "talk dirty to me, big boy!" to me.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My wife said she didn't like receiving oral and she only allowed it because I liked it. So I stopped giving. 3 weeks later she's pushing my head down. Ya. Power play.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Tone that we can't read from a line of text should tell you more than we can speculate.

The posters above have offered one interpretation. I'll offer another, in my typical roundabout way.

One book that often gets recommended is 5 Love Languages, one of those ways some people communicate love is with touch - sounds like you're one such person. Maybe your wife is not.

If that's the case, then maybe she's just acknowledging that 'hey, you don't have to do this, but thanks for doing a loving act'

My wife sometimes isn't in the mood for sex, but she does it and she enjoys it. And sometimes in these cases she lets me know she wasn't in the mood.. It's still kind of special because she acknowledges my needs, and that she did something for me because she cares about my needs.

You can't always take women so literally.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Was she messing around? I joke with my hubby like that sometimes... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Ohhhh! Lucky You! She let's you rub her feet because it's so good for you!

STOP


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Hopefully she was kidding. 

no one touches my feet,I'm way too ticklish for that mess lol

If she wasn't kidding that was a really *****y snobby thing to say to someone who is just trying to make her feel good.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I give my wife full nude body massages and yes I massage her feet. She loves this. Yes I enjoy it too. In addition I often just massage her feet.
> 
> I don't question it. It's all good.
> 
> *Are there women who do not enjoy a foot rub*?


:scratchhead: how could that be possible? I'm happy to take any hands on attention I get from hubby...no matter what area he's got them on.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Mrs. T, I wish my wife felt that way...


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I give my wife full nude body massages and yes I massage her feet. She loves this. Yes I enjoy it too. In addition I often just massage her feet.
> 
> I don't question it. It's all good.
> 
> Are there women who do not enjoy a foot rub?


I HATE foot rubs! It tickles and I just find it annoying. Now full nude body massages...love 'em...as long as he stops before my feet.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

cent130130 said:


> So I was giving my wife a foot massage (which I enjoy thoroughly) and she says, "I let you do that because I know you like it." Ladies, what does that mean?
> 
> My interpretation of her comment (influenced by her body language and other comments she has made to me) is that she really doesn't like it much, thinks it's weird, but puts up with it because she knows I like enjoy doing it.
> 
> ...


it means she is stuck on herself! I would have said oh so you really don't like foot rubs ..... thanks for letting me know and stopped . then I would have said I wish you would have let me know sooner so I didn't waste my time doing something nice for you that you really don't care for.

now go make me a sandwich BI*CH


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I guess you could have responded "Well, I'd like to tie you to the bed and have anal sex with you, too. When can we start?"

My point is that you would need to have her explain it further. If she is doing something that she truly dislikes and only does it for you, there are other things you COULD do that she would like.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

She deigns to permit you to service her feet because she's aware you are pleased by it? Are you a bottom about everything? Is that kind of dominance submission part of your overall dynamic?


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Wow! this thread inspired me to try an experiment. When the wife gets home from work tonight and she comes into the bedroom, I'll just stand there with my unit out and say, " I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." and see what she does. I'll update on the results.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

crossbar said:


> Wow! this thread inspired me to try an experiment. When the wife gets home from work tonight and she comes into the bedroom, I'll just stand there with my unit out and say, " I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." and see what she does. I'll update on the results.


Have the paramedics on standby. You may want to contact the burn unit as well.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Not only do I not understand some women here, I also dont get how men and women when confronted with some issue no matter how small, instead of dealing with it head on and simply asking their spouse what they meant by saying, doing, xyz...they run onto a forum and ask others what to do?

Sorry dont mean to offend


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Umm here is one reason that hasn't been listed that i feel should be taken into consideration. Perhaps... since she knows you enjoy it.. she lets you do it.. but it could be that she's feeling uncomfortable and insecure about it because she may see it as.. in her mind.. you lowering yourself just to give her pleasure and she may feel your above that.. therefore she may feel guilty about you doing something such as massaging her feet. It doesn't necessarily mean she is ungrateful or feel that YOU should feel grateful.. she could just be letting you know in an offhand way that she feels your above doing it .. but since you enjoy it.. she goes with it regardless.


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## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Wow! this thread inspired me to try an experiment. When the wife gets home from work tonight and she comes into the bedroom, I'll just stand there with my unit out and say, " I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." and see what she does. I'll update on the results.


Ha, this would work on me with my husband.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Sounds like sarcasm to me. I would have just thought my wife was trying to be funny.


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

GhostRydr said:


> Not only do I not understand some women here, I also dont get how men and women when confronted with some issue no matter how small, instead of dealing with it head on and simply asking their spouse what they meant by saying, doing, xyz...they run onto a forum and ask others what to do?
> 
> Sorry dont mean to offend


Not offended at all, it's very sound advice. I think many (including me) find it much easier to give that advice, or nod in agreement, than it is to put it in to practice. Wise counsel, nonetheless, thanks.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So panda how would you feel if he said he didn't actually like this thing you do and he only let you do it to make you happy?


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Wow! this thread inspired me to try an experiment. When the wife gets home from work tonight and she comes into the bedroom, I'll just stand there with my unit out and say, " I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." and see what she does. I'll update on the results.


 Okay, so experiment conducted and the results are: EPIC FAIL!!!


I heard her get home from work and I called her up to the bedroom. I was standing there in my best GQ pose with my unit hanging out. She came in the room and I said, "I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." She looked at it, then she looked at me...turned, shook her head and walked out. As she was going down the stairs she yelled back "You need professional help."

Apparently, she had a bad day at work....mabe I should have massaged her feet......


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

This is hard to read without more information.

Are there intimacy issues in your marriage? Are you guys constantly joking with each other and have good communication? Do you let each other do things to yourselves because it feels good for the other person, though not so much for you? Without some history, it's hard to know what to say.

But, I'll say this....if you guys have a "cokky-funny" relationship, communicate well, like to joke around and throw the occassional barb at each other, and your intimacy is fine...forget about it. Were it me, I'd likely continue after a smart azzed comment about "hey, I can stop any time cupcake! I'm tired of my hands smelling like odor eaters anyway! You don't like it, then it's a win-win baby!" At which time my W would say something like "OMG, I'm joking, please don't stop!!!!!"

Or, a small chance that it really bothers her and does not feel good, and she's trying to tell you this in a not so constructive way. In that case, were it me, she'd get a "pass" on the "chit test", but we would have a little chat about being a litte better at communicating.

If she's passive-aggressive, and belittles you, there is no intimacy, then I'd consider this a "chit test". Who doesn't love foot rubs? Come on! But she's taking something she likes and is trying to make you feel like she's doing you a favor? Ok, just stop. Don't rub her feet again until she begs for it. "Sorry, didn't know I was bothering you, if you don't appreciate it, I'll just stop. Problem solved babe". And then do it (stop). Do not even consider it again until she's asked for it and apologized for being an unappreciative, chit testing, thankless....uhm...woman. 

That's like a woman or a man saying "I let you give oral because I know you love it". Uhm, yeah...I do, but not so much that I need to feel like you're doing me a favor by "letting" me do it!!!!


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

livnlearn said:


> I HATE foot rubs! It tickles and I just find it annoying. Now full nude body massages...love 'em...as long as he stops before my feet.


Yep, this is me exactly too!


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## dahling (Sep 26, 2011)

*Ladies, what does that mean?*
Likely it means what she said and what you intrepretated it's being done becase you like it. No different to me than how you likely often do things for her that you don't want.

*Perhaps I am just really bad at giving a foot massage, but how unpleasant could it be? *
There are some things that people don't like no matter what. No different than how getting a glob of semen on the face isn't technically unpleasant however many straight guys would consider it unpleasant if they had semen sprayed onto their face.

*Even if she is not really into it, is it too much to expect that she'd make an effort to meet me on my terms in this area? Verbal and non-verbal communication that says that she's just putting up with something that she finds unpleasant is not meeting me on my terms, in my opinion. *
Seems you want her to grin it & bear it and put on an act of false enjoyment for you akin to how porn generally shows the gal enjoying everything done to her for male ego and satisfication of validating his desires not actual consideration of pleasing her. Why not try something that you both enjoy rather than have her meet you on your terms? :scratchhead:

*I can't help but think how she would react if I said to her, "I spend time with you because I know you like it" or "I say I love you because I know you like it."*
"I spend time with you because I know you like it" is comparable to me as it seems many guys don't like spending time with a gal unless it's sexual. However "I say I love you because I know you like it." isn't comparable to me unless you dislike saying I love you.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Okay, so experiment conducted and the results are: EPIC FAIL!!!
> 
> 
> I heard her get home from work and I called her up to the bedroom. I was standing there in my best GQ pose with my unit hanging out. She came in the room and I said, "I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." She looked at it, then she looked at me...turned, shook her head and walked out. As she was going down the stairs she yelled back "You need professional help."
> ...


LOL...Crossbar, I have to thank you for putting a smile on my face. If my husband did that for me he'd be on his back so fast with me on top that his head would swim...(I make it a point to not let work get to me)


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

GhostRydr said:


> Not only do I not understand some women here, I also dont get how men and women when confronted with some issue no matter how small, instead of dealing with it head on and simply asking their spouse what they meant by saying, doing, xyz...they run onto a forum and ask others what to do?
> 
> Sorry dont mean to offend


 
Why are you here GhostRyder? Just curious....


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Permit me to translate wifespeak into english.

It means "I see you as needy and weak and I'm not attracted to you".

I think what you have to say is
"Wife, I'm glad you told me you don't like when I rub your feet. All this time I thought you liked it. You are really a wonderful wife because you obviously want to do things you don't like just because I like them. So rather than rub your feet, I'm going to rub your ***** from now on, that is what i'd really like".


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

crossbar said:


> Okay, so experiment conducted and the results are: EPIC FAIL!!!
> 
> 
> I heard her get home from work and I called her up to the bedroom. I was standing there in my best GQ pose with my unit hanging out. She came in the room and I said, "I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." She looked at it, then she looked at me...turned, shook her head and walked out. As she was going down the stairs she yelled back "You need professional help."
> ...


The experiment was flawed, a statistical sample size of 1 is insufficient data for reaching a conclusion. You must attempt this at least 3 times before there is sufficient data for reaching a conclusion regarding the original hypothesis.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

crossbar said:


> Okay, so experiment conducted and the results are: EPIC FAIL!!!
> 
> 
> I heard her get home from work and I called her up to the bedroom. I was standing there in my best GQ pose with my unit hanging out. She came in the room and I said, "I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." She looked at it, then she looked at me...turned, shook her head and walked out. As she was going down the stairs she yelled back "You need professional help."
> ...


Yikes, how uncalled for by her. I could see and even appreciate if she bust out laughing and said, honey, its been a long day but I will reward your efforts later, etc...but THAT response?

Id be calling Charlie Sheen and asking for his prostitute book.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I love to give foot massages but my husband has let me know he hates for me to touch his feet..The ONLY reason I woudl even WANT to give him a foot massage is KNOWING it brought him some sort of comfort or pleasure..therefore I have no interest in asking him to let me do it anyway and for him to "pretend" he doesnt hate it...instead act like it feels good and hes enjoying it..it defeats the entire purpose for why i woudl want to give him the foot massage in the first place..which woud be knowign its deisred by him..

Ide rather do something else for him that i know is pleasing to him.If Im going ot expend the energy to be of service then I woudl like for it to actually SERVE him something that meets a desire of his...

Dallas


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

WillK said:


> The experiment was flawed, a statistical sample size of 1 is insufficient data for reaching a conclusion. You must attempt this at least 3 times before there is sufficient data for reaching a conclusion regarding the original hypothesis.


 Well, it's ALWAYS going to be flawed because there is NO WAY IN HELL I'm going to introduce a control group!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I love a womans feet. If my wife wasnt down with the foot massages I would have never married her.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

is she serious? 


i like feet love my wifes feet my wife loves foot massages. I give her a foot massage at least a few times a week. Past girlfriends i had liked foot massages. I have met or heard few women who dont like them or dont like attention given to their body or feet.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I love a womans feet. If my wife wasnt down with the foot massages I would have never married her.


i feel the same if my wife was not into feet or letting me enjoy her feet or eat her out i could not have married her i feel.

i have to rub her feet and i have to eat her out a lot two favorite things to do


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I'll bet that her love language is acts of service rather than touch.

No more foot massages for her. Try fixing something around the house, helping with chores, or doing something practical that she enjoys. She should not have been so thoughtless in her choice of words to you, but I'll also bet that she tends to be a blunt person.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

This could either be a joke or she is trying to tell you it is not that important to her. 

I like giving my wife a back rub because she likes it. In fairness many of us men do these things because they lead to sex. In that case you are both getting something out of it. 

I can't imagine not enjoying a foot massage unless as others have stated she has issues.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

From the 'Savage Love' blog in 2006:


_I'm a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work (I wait tables to pay my tuition). Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. _[sic]_ He wasn't rubbing my feet to be sweet or tender or considerate, but for his own selfish reasons. I dumped him. He was very upset and is still begging me to take him back._​


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> From the 'Savage Love' blog in 2006:
> 
> 
> _I'm a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work (I wait tables to pay my tuition). Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. _[sic]_ He wasn't rubbing my feet to be sweet or tender or considerate, but for his own selfish reasons. I dumped him. He was very upset and is still begging me to take him back._​


LMAO. It can't be both?


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## gman95901 (May 19, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> From the 'Savage Love' blog in 2006:
> 
> 
> _I'm a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work (I wait tables to pay my tuition). Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. _[sic]_ He wasn't rubbing my feet to be sweet or tender or considerate, but for his own selfish reasons. I dumped him. He was very upset and is still begging me to take him back._​


I have seen this post out and about on the web, and I have to say that this woman is truly ignorant and showing the lack of wisdom most 20 year-old's possess. 

This guy was taking care of her needs whether she knew it or not. If he was truly partial to feet, then he massaged hers and went to bed with a raging hard on, or had to step into the rest room after the fact to take care of himself. Not once did she mention that he tried to kiss, caress, or rub anything else on her feet. But like most of those who are ignorant and closed minded, she assumed that he was getting off and dumped him. 

That is what is wrong with today's society. We have these taboos or misconceptions about things but when we stop and really do some research, we would find that feet are highly sexual in nature and have been so for thousands of years. Yet it never surprises me to see a post on some forum dealing with a trivial misunderstanding with regards to arches ,soles and toes. We as humans stick our hands and genitals in surprising places, but the minute that the word feet get mentioned in the same sentence, its like the old E.F. Hutton commercial....


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I don't like feet at all, and I'm not much for having mine tickled either. I also had a very bad experience with feet relating to my ex-wife, so it'll never be a sexual thing for me.

That said, I don't begreduge anyone for viewing feet in a sexual way. Go ahead, whatever floats your boat. I can tell you though, if my fiancee gave me a backrub every night and then one day told me she did it because she had a huge fetish for it, I'd sign him up for three more per day on the spot!


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

That was an extreme example and I didn't mean to attribute that attitude to the OP's wife.

Whether true altruism exists or not is a huge philosophical debate, because it's very difficult to find any act where the giver does not get something out of it themselves even if it's just the idea that G-d is smiling upon their charity. Some people accept that pragmatically and some people have a huge problem with it. 

With the OP, I think it's more a question of who's making a bigger deposit in their respective 'bank account.'


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## gman95901 (May 19, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> That was an extreme example and I didn't mean to attribute that attitude to the OP's wife.
> 
> Whether true altruism exists or not is a huge philosophical debate, because it's very difficult to find any act where the giver does not get something out of it themselves even if it's just the idea that G-d is smiling upon their charity. Some people accept that pragmatically and some people have a huge problem with it.
> 
> With the OP, I think it's more a question of who's making a bigger deposit in their respective 'bank account.'


I agree completely. I just find it interesting that the thread centered around the innocent act of giving one's wife a foot massage...


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

That girl got a nice slap down from Mr Savage, I recall.

I'm not into feet rubs. Don't hate them, can take them or leave them really. I don't like massages either, I get bored. Get to the main event, I reckon.

As for your wife, who knows? Ask her. Maybe she doesn't like you touching her feet, maybe you're bad at it, maybe she was just being a *****. Hard for us to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dasan (Apr 4, 2013)

I'd say give it some time. We went from periodic massages, which she seemed surprised at, to now multiple hour long nightly massages while she reads or controls the remote.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Tell her you're going to let her suck you off because you know she likes it.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Dead Thread. Over a year old.


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