# My attitude caused him to reach out to other women 🙄



## Slsnew2 (Jul 25, 2021)

I’ve already gotten a lawyer, he’s looking for a new place to live and we’re just waiting on divorce papers. It’s still messy though obviously because we’re in the same house still. The other day he sent me a long text saying that the truth was it was nice to talk to ‘some people’ (his euphemism for all the women he liked to chat up on social media) because they weren’t constantly judging him or making him feel bad. 
If I was judgey it would have been because every time I forgave and rug swept, I’d finally get to a point where I could breathe a little and then he’d do it again. So yes. I guess I did turn into a judgmental nag. And although I hate that and wish I hadn’t been, I don’t believe it excused him or gave him the go ahead to constantly turn to other women for words of consoling affirmation. 🤦‍♀️ 
Iguess I just wanted to come on here and say don’t let them blame you for their bad decisions when you were just reacting to how badly they treated you in the first place.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If your phone has a blocking setting use it.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Forgiving a cheater just makes them think they can get away with it, and then they do it again. Never works.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Slsnew2 said:


> I’ve already gotten a lawyer, he’s looking for a new place to live and we’re just waiting on divorce papers. It’s still messy though obviously because we’re in the same house still. The other day he sent me a long text saying that the truth was it was nice to talk to ‘some people’ (his euphemism for all the women he liked to chat up on social media) because they weren’t constantly judging him or making him feel bad.
> If I was judgey it would have been because every time I forgave and rug swept, I’d finally get to a point where I could breathe a little and then he’d do it again. So yes. I guess I did turn into a judgmental nag. And although I hate that and wish I hadn’t been, I don’t believe it excused him or gave him the go ahead to constantly turn to other women for words of consoling affirmation. 🤦‍♀️
> Iguess I just wanted to come on here and say don’t let them blame you for their bad decisions when you were just reacting to how badly they treated you in the first place.


Pardon the directness: Your thread title is wrong and part of your comments are wrong.

You didn't cause him to be unfaithful, he did that. 

If you want to say you're a shrew or nag or some other thing, go ahead. You can even admit that during the marriage things might have been better, you two might have had problems to work out. Welcome to humanity.

But... he went outside the marriage and that's not on you _at all_. That's him choosing not to deal with his own situation and instead seeking someone else to stroke his poor little ego. He didn't have to make that choice, and you didn't push him to do that.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

He's full of ****. There is your validation in quickly placing him in your rearview mirror. 

Look up DARVO. Cheaters frequently seem to love it. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Don't even think about what he's saying. He's just trying to rattle you.

He should look on the bright side, now. He can go ask some of those 'nice non-judgmental' women if he can live with them, since he needs a place to stay. 😉


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Listen to him then believe the total opposite.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

His behavior is what only HE is responsible for. Not you!

he may never actually grow up.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Slsnew2 said:


> I’ve already gotten a lawyer, he’s looking for a new place to live and we’re just waiting on divorce papers. It’s still messy though obviously because we’re in the same house still. The other day he sent me a long text saying that the truth was it was nice to talk to ‘some people’ (his euphemism for all the women he liked to chat up on social media) because they weren’t constantly judging him or making him feel bad.
> If I was judgey it would have been because every time I forgave and rug swept, I’d finally get to a point where I could breathe a little and then he’d do it again. So yes. I guess I did turn into a judgmental nag. And although I hate that and wish I hadn’t been, I don’t believe it excused him or gave him the go ahead to constantly turn to other women for words of consoling affirmation. 🤦‍♀️
> Iguess I just wanted to come on here and say don’t let them blame you for their bad decisions when you were just reacting to how badly they treated you in the first place.


I think this is called gaslighting. Don't believe it.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If a relationship isn't working for whatever reason, 1st you take steps to repair it together. If that doesn't fix the problem, you end the relationship. 

Nothing justifies cheating.


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## So far so good (7 mo ago)

“You attitude caused me to reach out to my lawyer”


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Slsnew2 said:


> I’ve already gotten a lawyer, he’s looking for a new place to live and we’re just waiting on divorce papers. It’s still messy though obviously because we’re in the same house still. The other day he sent me a long text saying that the truth was it was nice to talk to ‘some people’ (his euphemism for all the women he liked to chat up on social media) because they weren’t constantly judging him or making him feel bad.
> If I was judgey it would have been because every time I forgave and rug swept, I’d finally get to a point where I could breathe a little and then he’d do it again. So yes. I guess I did turn into a judgmental nag. And although I hate that and wish I hadn’t been, I don’t believe it excused him or gave him the go ahead to constantly turn to other women for words of consoling affirmation. 🤦‍♀️
> Iguess I just wanted to come on here and say don’t let them blame you for their bad decisions when you were just reacting to how badly they treated you in the first place.


Of course he will blameshift, that is the cheaters MO, it’s never their fault.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Pardon the directness: Your thread title is wrong and part of your comments are wrong.
> 
> You didn't cause him to be unfaithful, he did that.
> 
> ...


I think the emoji (rolling eyes) gives it away.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

The cheater is always 100% responsible for cheating.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Ever hear of " picking up fleas" from a personality disordered person, particularly a narcissist? It is a common phenomenon where, eventually, due to their ever present abuse, you fire back/ lash out. As some say " you kick a friendly dog enough and it will, eventually, bite you".
Many unfaithful people are narcissists.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Slsnew2 said:


> I’ve already gotten a lawyer, he’s looking for a new place to live and we’re just waiting on divorce papers. It’s still messy though obviously because we’re in the same house still. The other day he sent me a long text saying that the truth was it was nice to talk to ‘some people’ (his euphemism for all the women he liked to chat up on social media) because they weren’t constantly judging him or making him feel bad.
> If I was judgey it would have been because every time I forgave and rug swept, I’d finally get to a point where I could breathe a little and then he’d do it again. So yes. I guess I did turn into a judgmental nag. And although I hate that and wish I hadn’t been, I don’t believe it excused him or gave him the go ahead to constantly turn to other women for words of consoling affirmation. 🤦‍♀️
> Iguess I just wanted to come on here and say don’t let them blame you for their bad decisions when you were just reacting to how badly they treated you in the first place.


He just used that for a justification. Time to not let him be your problem anymore.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He just used that for a justification. Time to not let him be your problem anymore.


She will never, ever be able to be good enough for him to stop. This isn’t about her. Doing the pick me dance is demeaning and humiliating and pointless. It’s a show of weakness that will just ratchet up his cruelty even higher.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

When someone integrated into your life is being destructive to the relationship, it's not you being judgy. It's you having boundaries and speaking out about it. That is your right. He just turned it around into being his excuse. 

It's called gaslighting. If you go to this forum's menu, under topics you will see Articles, and under articles you will find some articles on gaslighting to read that might benefit you.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

If his lips are moving he is lying


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