# My marriage is goin down the drain along wit my sanity please help!!!!!!



## Rnewton (Mar 29, 2011)

PPLEASE REFER TO AND LOOK AT MY PREVIOUS THREAD "Poll: I just need to hear something anything 2try to help me make sense of all this please!
Rnewton " I NEED ADVISE I NEED HELP I JUS NEED SOMEONE WHO MAY NOT GIVE A CRAP BUT WILLING TO SAY THEY DO IS THAT MAKES SENSE!!! PLZ PLZ PLZ!!!!!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I just read all your threads but they're filled with discontent and lacking details. So what's really going on with you Rnewton? Give me actual examples so I might help, relate or understand.


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## Rnewton (Mar 29, 2011)

Im miserable!!! im not happy not one day my kids put a smile on my face then my husband shows his and its instant anger! we have been married for 3yrs in june its been hell almost the whole time! Im upset I want him to leave he refuses to and tries to force me to work things out....but everyday is filled with me working and supporting him and asking why couldnt u clean the house if u sat here all day, y did u do nothing with the kids, etc.... He does not work which pisses me off but every dime i make he acts as if hes obligated to spend! Hes controlling,a liar, manipulative, etc....hes told me lies about so many things and blames them on my kids! I dont kno wat im supposed to do Im not attracted to him anymore i love him but only bcuz hes the father of my son and im used to him being around i feel like! but he says hes tryin hes workin on it (i see no improvement no changes) am i supposed to just keep on waiting and hurting for the chance he may come around and be who he was when i married him or its just too far gone? the only way i could get him out of my house even if im going to is to get a restraining order against him, cuz he refuses to leave and screams yells cusses if i ask him to, he says he wont walk out on us.....but i cant keep going on like this i have 3small boys and i feel like im raising 4 and my 5yr old has more sense and brains than he does! I hav been gaining weight recently has to b from stress cuz i dont eat! this just isnt me im typically a happy laid bak easy going person....i do wat i gota do and make the best of it, I just keep thinking bak before we were married how great things were and for the 2months after we were married....but ever since then things hav jus been bad.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I can see you are distressed but certainly you are not entirely innocent in the demise of your relationship? Acknowledging his weaknesses is fine and necessary but being in denial of your own will only spiral you down a path of deleterious relationships. It might be necessary to get rid of him but before you do make sure you arent just running away from something you will inevitably create again.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He will never change or get a job because HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.

He KNOWS you will continue to support him, because you care more about having a man around than protecting yourself.

Prove him wrong. 

Make plans to move out if he won't move. Go to United Way (United Way) and see if they can help you with this. Ask them to get you a counselor who can help you learn to stand up for yourself.

Change your bank account so he has no access to it. Start saving money in a savings account - you usually only need $50 to start one. Make plans to move.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I replied to one of your other posts and asked if you could afford to make it on your own, if you could set up a support system of family members and friends, and I got a response similar to your post here.

This guy is driving you crazy; however, you are the sole controller of your emotions. We all are. You can be one step from strangling the guy and keep erupting in rage, or you can channel your rage into taking constructive steps to get out.

He doesn't want to get out? Fine. Go see an attorney who will give you a free initial consultation. 

Cut off the money to your husband. Do you own a home? Are both of your names on the mortgage? Do you rent? If so, are both of your names on the lease? Get as much of your money and anything else you own in your name only.

I'll give it to you straight, because I think under all your rage, you are a pretty straightforward person. I lived with a man who did things to me that sucked big-time. I put myself in a situation that made me financially dependent on him. However, when he drank himself out of a job and didn't show any inclination to get another job, I walked. I took half the equity out of the house, liquidated a few mutual funds, and left.

It's bad enough to have a husband who is just plain mean and lazy and doesn't want to work. It's all the more worse when he's a drunk too. 

If he's not on a lease or mortgage with you, you can get a court order to have him evicted. Get your legal options clarified. As long as he can sit on his worthless behind and live on a free meal ticket, he's not going to budge. In the meantime, he's got you worked up into a frenzy. 

I have the feeling he likes getting under your skin. Frankly, the guy sounds sadistic to me; like he actually enjoys pushing your buttons and seeing you react.

In this case, stop being reactive. I KNOW it is difficult. I've lived through this myself. But the less emotion I showed, the more nervous my ex got. He wasn't getting a rise out of me any longer and his source of "entertainment" was gone. Proceed with caution, but by all means find a way for you - or him - to live in separate places.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And please stick to just one thread! It's hard for people to follow your story if you keep starting new threads.


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## Rnewton (Mar 29, 2011)

Thank u all for all ur responses....we do rent a place and yes if i get rid of him b4 he gets me in the hole again i can afford to live on my own...obviously ive been doing it on my own with him.....and hav a few babysitters lined up and able 2watch my boys. as far as the weight gain I havent been able to lose all the weight from my 3rd child i had gotten down to where i had lost all of it but like 10lbs and waz doing great! now hes 16months old and i weigh.... wat i did or close to it when i had him! i do have horrible headaches everyday but i hav been 2doctors they say im perfectly healthy might give me some pills for migranies which isnt the prob. but thats it! of course i have problems as well, everyone does but my problems isnt my prob. right now hahah if that makes sense! im a woman but by no means ive never asked for much or wanted much just happiness and stability.....


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Rnewton said:


> im a woman but by no means ive never asked for much or wanted much just happiness and stability.....


Okay, in order to achieve stability YOU have to be stable. Forget about your weight problem. My guess is it's brought on by depression and anxiety, which will start to dissipate when you get out of your current mess.

We all want to be happy, but look at how many people on these boards are in pain and feeling miserable. Hapiness is an inside job. It starts with ME. Heck, my estranged husband doesn't give a good cahoot about me, I've got cancer, I can't get a job right now (starting chemo), and my finances have seen better days. So what? I'm happy the sun is out today. I'm happy I'm breathing. I'm happy playing laser tag with my two cats.

Hapiness is elusive and fleeting. Serenity and a sense of peace ... priceless and something we can have in the midst of all the insanity going on around us. Get rid of your lazy husband, get your kids in daycare, find an apartment, get your legal ducks in a row, and get some counseling for yourself to get closure on this situation.

Don't waste another minute of your precious time worrying about what that clown is doing or not doing. It's his life and his choices. Keep your own side of the street clean and get off of his. And get out NOW before he destroys your finances.


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