# Balance



## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

My unemployed husband left 2 weeks ago. I have finally stopped paying his bills, except for the joint ones.

When he does answer the phone, which is very rare, he has anger and contempt in his voice. I have financially supported this man for year, through very low-paying jobs and long periods on unemployment. Not a healthy situation for me. At the same time, I miss him terribly and am so sad every day that I have to live without him.

How do you balance the need to protect yourself with the fear of pushing away your walkaway spouse? I have good and bad days with the 180. Maybe the wound is still too fresh?


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Let him miss you. He left you didn't leave the marriage. Don't chase him. I did 90/180 and it worked for me. I did not call him for nothing, he did all the contact but at the same-time I put him out. Good luck because the hurt is worse then a roller-coaster.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

So, balance is the problem. We all know what she should do and try to do that but can't b/c it isn't really what we want.

I struggle with this too. The thing is, we can't make ourselves stop wanting what we want. You know? Part of you still wants him and that is hard to let go of. Sounds like you get it though. You can't worry about pushing that person away, they are already gone. We have to accept that they don't want to be with us.

Protecting yourself should be your only priority, unless you have kids and then of course they are. Take care of you. 

Easy to say.


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