# I just filed.



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

After all the posts and talk and 5 years of fence-sitting. I just got home from filing the petition for divorce at the courthouse.

I feel really anxious/nervous right now.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I have to admit that I never thought you'd do it. But from everything you describe, I don't blame you one bit.

Does she know it's coming?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Good for you. I just glanced through your old posts and saw one from 2011 where you said you wanted to file. I am SO SO glad you finally came to a decision!!!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hope you find happiness after this is over.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

GTdad said:


> I have to admit that I never thought you'd do it. But from everything you describe, I don't blame you one bit.
> 
> Does she know it's coming?


She does. I told her a week ago I had talked with a lawyer and we'd probably be filing and giving her papers in a week or two.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

GTdad said:


> I have to admit that I never thought you'd do it. But from everything you describe, I don't blame you one bit.
> 
> Does she know it's coming?


Actually, I think the tough love from people on here saying things like that was the final impetus that pushed me to just do it and get it over with.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Beach, 
You seem to have tried everything possible. I hope you can keep it amicable. I am confident you will find someone nice to partner with and will be amazed at what it is like to be with someone who loves you.


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## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

You know how damn proud of you I am right?????


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

YAY!!!! :smthumbup:

Add me to the list of people who never thought you'd do it either but I'm so happy for you. 

I have NO doubt you will find someone new to love and one day you'll look back and wonder why you waited so long. I'm saying a silent prayer for God to send you someone wonderful. You deserve it.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I sure hope you're right Mavash. Doesn't seem that way now though.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It's spiritual. We don't get the new until we're willing to let go of the old. I've seen this time and time again in my own life and the lives of people I've coached. It's when I (and them) have been willing to let it all go that we've been the most blessed.

Trust me this is true of all things including relationships.


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

How is she handling it/what is her reaction?


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

jameskimp said:


> How is she handling it/what is her reaction?


I haven't given her the papers yet. I'm probably going to wait until Sunday afternoon. My parents are coming tonight for a visit so I don't want to get her all riled up until they leave.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

You know you did everything to save your marriage, that's what you need to keep in your mind!
Onward and upwards my friend!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I told her Saturday night that I had the papers for her and would give them to her Sunday and I did. I asked that she give me the signed sheet back by tomrrow night. Nothing seemed any different. She came to our bed around 5:30 this morning as usual (sleeps with our 10 y/o every night; grrrrr). We side-stepped each other in the kitchen this morning w/o saying a word, as usual.

I sent her an email after I got to work trying to ease her apprehensiveness some by telling her that what she was signing was no more than an acknowledgement that she was notified I filed for divorce and nothing more.

Be interesting to see how things are when I get home from work tonight. I'm thinking about stopping by a friends for a drink first to kill some time so I don't have to be around her that long before bedtime.

Rode around some with the 13 year old yesterday and drove by some rental places. Made me really wish I could move out now but I just can't support two households the way we are with our money. Once the divorce is final and we have our set incomes, I can manage a place on my own.

Man this feels SO weird. Didn't expect that.


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## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

Good job Beach! Hang in there.....better days are ahead.....PROMISE!!!!!!!!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Update: She asked me one question before signing the form but alas, I found it on my dresser Wednesday morning signed. I dropped it off at the lawyers after work.

She did send me an email the other day saying she wished I'd reconsider and talked a little about how she's "stood by me" all these years with things that have gone on in our lives and family stuff. Interesting because I actually felt like she was never really there for me during those times. Funny how people view things differently.

You wouldn't know anything is any different at home by the way she acts though. I think she's in denial and believes this is all just going to go away.


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## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

....did you respond to her email?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> You wouldn't know anything is any different at home by the way she acts though. I think she's in denial and believes this is all just going to go away.


Trust actions not words.

She doesn't think you are serious and yes it's denial.


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## uncool (Dec 12, 2010)

There are some really wonderful hot gorgeous women out there with descent heads on their shoulders. You'll see.


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## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

Look Beachguy! uncool is talking about me!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

workingatit said:


> Look Beachguy! uncool is talking about me!


Prove it.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

workingatit said:


> ....did you respond to her email?


No I didn't. I typed a reply then just deleted it. What's the point.


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## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

...hmmmm I guess that makes sense....she has not really heard much of what you have said before......it is good you are at this point though.....and TRUST ME...there are hotter, cooler chicks out there that are WAITING for a guy like you!!! ;-)


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

BG,
You got the 100 percent pure version of: I am not going to make any effort at all to save the marriage. I really wish you would just continue to support my nice little life as is. 

BTW: She was being honest when normal life stuff happened and it impacted her in a way she disliked. Her definition of being supportive was her not ditching you each time something she disliked happened. She certainly has low expectations for herself. 







BeachGuy said:


> Update: She asked me one question before signing the form but alas, I found it on my dresser Wednesday morning signed. I dropped it off at the lawyers after work.
> 
> She did send me an email the other day saying she wished I'd reconsider and talked a little about how she's "stood by me" all these years with things that have gone on in our lives and family stuff. Interesting because I actually felt like she was never really there for me during those times. Funny how people view things differently.
> 
> You wouldn't know anything is any different at home by the way she acts though. I think she's in denial and believes this is all just going to go away.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, like I said before, she truly believes she has "tried" to work on our marriage. But she's the only one.

I called the lawyer this afternoon to ask him what's next. He said we can't do anything until her 20 days is up.


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## DumpedAgain (Feb 14, 2013)

Have you two started hammering out the details, how to split the house, retirement accts etc. who gets the big screen tv ?

That was my biggest fear until went to see a good lawyer
He told me the rules of the game, The judge doesn't give a 
rip, it is just numbers to him. The Lawyer told me there is
the same ending to every divorce, it just depends on how you get there


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

She apparently got a lawyer because she told me she was going to have to write them a check next week. I was shocked at how little it was and it made me wonder who she'd gotten, so I asked her. She hired the least expensive person in town (smaller town). Just so happens I know a lady that just used the same lawyer for her divorce and she was pretty unhappy with them. She said the lawyer wasn't proactive and didn't fight for her.

My good luck I guess. I'm really surprised. I thought her and her dad would hire the meanest bulldog in town but maybe they just want it to be peaceful and amicable too. Which is of course a good thing.

We have not talked about how things will be split up. When we separated and I tried to file uncontested, I pretty much let her keep everything in the house except the tv and my stuff. I've told her since though that, since she wouldn't do the divorce uncontested, that next time I wanted half of everything. So I plan on taking half of the furniture, pictures, etc. She's not going to like that much but tough titty said the kitty. She had her chance to keep it all and chose to be selfish back then.

In a way I really don't want much. I want to start over. New furniture, my picutres of the kids and stuff, etc. She can have half the retirement. I got wiped out in the recession so there's not a whole lot. But I am going to either ask for half the house or use it to bargain with alimony.

This is working out way better than I expected so far. I can't wait now to get it completely over with. The kids and I went to church this morning (she stayed in bed). All the sudden I started noticing all the attractive ladies that go to our church.


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## DumpedAgain (Feb 14, 2013)

I went out and talked to a couple of lawyers that do general
practice law including divorce law, they both told me they could
help me get the bulk of the $ and keep the house.

Then I went to see 2 lawyers that only do divorce, they both 
laid out the same scenario on how things work, instead of blowing
smoke

They both told me the biggest danger are the dabblers, the lawyers that don't do this regularly, they some times will stretch it out
to make more $

My wife just texted me, we were going to see a MC tomorrow
but low and behold, something just came up and she can't make
it....just as I expected. I am going to see the lawyer instead


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

DumpedAgain said:


> I went out and talked to a couple of lawyers that do general
> practice law including divorce law, they both told me they could
> help me get the bulk of the $ and keep the house.
> 
> ...


I experienced the same thing as you when I tried to file uncontested. Her father is a lawyer in another state (not a divorce lawyer) and while he didn't really want to get involved, he did pass my papers to some associates of his who are also not divorce lawyers and they came back saying she should get everything. House, car, retirement, tons of alimony for life, I should have to pay for her lawyer, she could move back to where her parents live with my kids, etc., etc.

Then I went to see my lawyer and he told me how it really is. Those guys were blowing smoke to scare me off and try and impress her dad. And they could never even represent her as they're not licensed in Florida.

I have a lot of respect for her dad and have always gotten along wonderfully with him. I've been hoping that would mean something if it ever came to divorce and it appears it has, since things seem to be going amicably so far. Same for her mom; we get along great. Actually it's her step-parents that seem to be shunning me now.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Any updates?


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

The deadline for her to respond to the divorce petition is this Tuesday. She did a consult with a lawyer and then asked me to pay the retainer of $1500. I checked with my lawyer and he said to get her to sign something that says that's all I'll be responsbile for before I pay it. I wondered why my stbx didn't just take the money out of our account to pay her lawyer, then I found out the past two days.

She started sending me emails asking me to "reconsider" and stuff and was stalling as much as she could to keep from actually paying her lawyer and having to file a response. I think she somehow thought if she just asked me enough times, I would back off and say "Oh, ok. I'll withdraw the divorce and you can go on living your life just like you have been." She's getting nervous, scared, etc....I'm sure she never believed I would do it (as did many here) and now that I have, she is still hoping it'll just magically disappear.

All her life she's been a "stick your head in the sand" person. Ignores all conflict or hard decisions. I finally got ticked off after several email exchanges and just told her I didn't understand why paying her lawyer was such a big deal. She started trying to convince me how she "waited for me to want to work on the marriage" and all this other stuff and tried to make herself out to be all concerned about our problems, even though she never did anything to work on them. She hasn't said anything else since then. I'm done with discussing it. I'm assuming she'll realize she has little choice and will probably go retain the lawyer at the last second.

I don't feel good about all this. I mean I know it's what needs to be done but remember how scared you got when you lost your mom in the big department store when you were a kid? I know that's how she's feeling. Not to the point that I'm thinking about backing off...not one bit. But it still all sucks.

Meanwhile...things are no different at home. Acts like it's not happening.


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## DumpedAgain (Feb 14, 2013)

I have been wondering how it was turning out for you

I filed Wed, big relief for me, get it over for God's sake

Now, strangely that the elephant in the room as been 
slaughtered she is actually being quite reasonable


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

DumpedAgain said:


> I have been wondering how it was turning out for you
> 
> I filed Wed, big relief for me, get it over for God's sake
> 
> ...


Not surprising. It's a real wake-up call for them. Mines sort of being nice too. And said she's not contesting anything on my petition, although it was just basic stuff. We haven't talked about alimony or the house yet.


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## DumpedAgain (Feb 14, 2013)

Everybody here was saying, File for Divorce, life will be better!

It was instantly better


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Ok...a little help here. Tomorrow is her 20 day deadline for filing a response to my petition for divorce and she text me this morning asking me if I'll ask my attorney to give her a few more days. Which she asked me last Friday and I told her yes. So I ask her when her appt is to pay the retainer to hire her attorney and she says she has no appt yet. Then she proceeds to ask me to give her a chance to prove to me she wants to save our marriage.

I was like WTF?????? You could've knocked me over with a feather. It's like she doesn't think the events of the past 2 years ever even happened. She still thinks she can "ask" me to give her yet another chance and I'll just say "Ok" and she can breathe a sigh of relief to do nothing again.

I honestly don't know how to even reply to her. And I haven't yet.

Help.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BeachGuy said:


> Ok...a little help here. Tomorrow is her 20 day deadline for filing a response to my petition for divorce and she text me this morning asking me if I'll ask my attorney to give her a few more days. Which she asked me last Friday and I told her yes. So I ask her when her appt is to pay the retainer to hire her attorney and she says she has no appt yet. Then she proceeds to ask me to give her a chance to prove to me she wants to save our marriage.
> 
> I was like WTF?????? You could've knocked me over with a feather. It's like she doesn't think the events of the past 2 years ever even happened. She still thinks she can "ask" me to give her yet another chance and I'll just say "Ok" and she can breathe a sigh of relief to do nothing again.
> 
> ...


"I'm not ok with that"


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Um no. She's all talk and you know it. I'd bet the farm she won't DO anything. She just wants to keep the cushy life.

"I'm not okay with that" is a fabulous answer.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Congrats, BeachGuy!

I remember you talking about it when *I* first joined in April 2012! I just looked at your ORIGINAL post on TAM (July 2011) and at THAT point you said you had already been talking 'divorce' with your wife for OVER a year!

I'm glad it's FINALLY coming through for you! Three years is a LONG time to wait (as you well know!) I'm sure you'll be MUCH happier, the kids will actually be MORE secure (knowing is better than NOT knowing), life will get better soon!

*hugs* Really happy for you, man!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Thanks SGW. I never responded to her at all. She asked me again yesterday if I'd called my lawyer to give her more time so I did and told her she had another week and that's it.

I think I'm going to have to go hire her lawyer for her.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> Thanks SGW. I never responded to her at all. She asked me again yesterday if I'd called my lawyer to give her more time so I did and told her she had another week and that's it.
> 
> I think I'm going to have to go hire her lawyer for her.


Just make sure it's not a good one :rofl:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

BG, are you two currently on joint bank accounts and credit cards?


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

southern wife said:


> BG, are you two currently on joint bank accounts and credit cards?


We have a joint account where my paycheck goes and we each have separate accounts we opened last time we separated. Don't use credit cards.

I talked to my lawyer about the paycheck thing and he suggested I change my direct deposit to go to my personal account and just give her money as needed. I haven't done that yet but I'm not too worried, as we're not rich and don't ever have a bunch of money in the bank.

She's STILL trying to get me to hold off and "let her try". I told her again today, no dice. She's told me that more than once before and never done anything. She's desperate to not have to spend $1500 and go hire that lawyer. Think "mind of a child" and you'll understand.

This morning as I was leaving for work, she tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around and she gave me a huge hug. She hasn't touched me in two years. I didn't reciprocate.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Beach, 
You know this dynamic. It is driven by her fear, not her commitment, remorse and love for you.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Yeah MEM I surely do know that. It's not because she had a change of heart or feelings towards me. She's just terrified because I'm actually doing it this time. I hate it for her but it's been her choice all along.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You're doing great. 

Stay the course.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Having a week moment tonight. My oldest had a friend sleepover Friday night and I took them out for dinner, the to get donuts for breakfast. Later I took them all to a little carnival here locally and they met up with friends and the other parents and I followed them around chatting (stbx was there too). It was just a fun weekend.

It made me have second thougts of whether or not I really want to do this. I love family outings and have spent 21 years with this family.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

What you can't have fun family outings after you are divorced?

Preferably with someone who touches you more than every few years.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> What you can't have fun family outings after you are divorced?
> 
> Preferably with someone who touches you more than every few years.


Yes I certainly could and hopefully will. I'm just pretty pessimistic about my dating future. And my kids will be wanting to spend less and less time with me as they get older.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> Yes I certainly could and hopefully will. I'm just pretty pessimistic about my dating future. And my kids will be wanting to spend less and less time with me as they get older.


Why not be optimistic? And who says your kids will want to spend less time with you? 

I think you need a new life rule book to read from.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I guess this is to be expected...a pessimistic view at this point. After all the crap...it's finally happening. She asked me again today (for the 4th time) to reconsider and give her time. Tomorrow is her second deadline to respond. Then she spent 30 minutes trying to convince me she was a good wife and worked on things "in her own way". I tried not to argue back but it was hard. I swear I honestly think that she truly believes this is all going to go away, somehow, someway....and she won't have to be a divorced woman.

I'm calling my lawyer Wednesday. If he hasn't heard from her lawyer, than I'm going to proceed with asking the court for a default judgement. What other choice do I have?

I told her today she could've stopped this from happening so easily. It's not like I expected her to paint the house and build me a garage. It was really simple things that she just didn't want to do. She said she accepts 50% of the blame and I said oh no...that was the first time. This time it's all you.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BeachGuy said:


> Yes I certainly could and hopefully will. I'm just pretty pessimistic about my dating future. And my kids will be wanting to spend less and less time with me as they get older.


My son just turned 23.

I spend more time with him now than I ever have.

He simply cannot wait for "dart night"

He texts me days in advance telling me how he's going to destroy me, whether it's his turn to bring beer, etc.

Your perceptions are not correct.

It all depends on how you handle yourself.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> I guess this is to be expected...a pessimistic view at this point.


Again why not try a POSITIVE view?

I mean you've got 50/50 odds right plus everything in between. 

This could go terribly wrong (doubtful) or you could actually end up really happy.

You pick and yes it really is that simple.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Your perceptions are not correct.


I think it's a pretty established fact that teenagers don't care to spend much time with their parents.

I didn't mean forever. Just while they're still at home.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> I think it's a pretty established fact that teenagers don't care to spend much time with their parents.
> 
> I didn't mean forever. Just while they're still at home.


Not true. You are generalizing and you've watched too many movies about bad teenagers or bad parents.

Yes teens get busy but they still need and want their parents love and support.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Beach, 
Stop 'selling'. 

My prognosis: you will have no trouble dating. 

You just need to learn how to assert yourself with a partner.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> Beach,
> 
> My prognosis: you will have no trouble dating.
> 
> .


His counselor said the exact same thing to him.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Ok ok....I'm hard on myself. I give in.

Thanks gang.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Update: I asked her today if she'd hired her lawyer yet and much to my surprise she said she had paid and retained her last week. I called my guy and left a message asking if he'd heard form her lawyer yet. SO ready to get this moving.

I guess I finally got through to her that I'm not buying her promises again.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Yay!


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## DumpedAgain (Feb 14, 2013)

BeachGuy said:


> Update: I asked her today if she'd hired her lawyer yet and much to my surprise she said she had paid and retained her last week. I called my guy and left a message asking if he'd heard form her lawyer yet. SO ready to get this moving.
> 
> I guess I finally got through to her that I'm not buying her promises again.


keep up the pressure,


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## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

Good luck to you. I just filed today. And for years I too was on the fence but the real issues were to big to ignore. I tried counseling for 18 months. But now I see I could've filed back then because nothing really changed when it came to him being honest about his sexual escapades. I don't want to keep putting myself at risk. He lies, he cheats, he covers it up, gets caught, repeat. Alcoholic, sex addict, always in denial. I'm done. I'm 27. I'll be fine. Was married for what would be 5 years next month. I can't deal with people who lie so much about important things and on top of it all til this day he refuses to get checked for stds. Sorry but this is not for me. Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Here's another funny....one of the things I griped about was the fact that she's been a "stay at home wife/parent" for 15 years now and can't clean a room in our house. Mostly due to her inability to make a decision on what to keep and what to throw away.

So for the past 3 days she's been cleaning things she's never cleaned before. Without a word from me. I know, I know....she's just doing that in a last-ditch effort to keep me from divorcing her. But she already paid a lawyer. And she told me before doing that that "once she hired a lawyer, it was all over for her".

Things that make you go "hmmm....".


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She still hopes you'll change your mind. Watch her actions not her words.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

She got a letter in the mail from her lawyer on the 30th. On Monday I asked her what was going on as it'd been 2 months since I filed. She said the letter said her lawyer would file a response by that Tuesday, the 2nd. I called my guy the following Friday and asked if that had happened. I got a voicemail from him last night saying he had talked to her lawyer and she was going to "get him an answer and a proposed settlement agreement". WHEN??? I'm starting to wonder if this isn't some standard tactic by lawyers to let me wait and wait, hoping by the time they propose something I'll be more apt to accept it to just get it over with. Thinking it'll soften me up so to speak.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

That tactic works. I've seen one man and one woman do it. Their spouses eventually gave up and agreed to anything just to get their divorces. They both got screwed in the settlement due to lack of patience.


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## bussunda100 (Mar 6, 2012)

WTF dudes?

This is not a happy moment for beach. It is a painful moment. Divorce is hard. dont your try and make it a stroll in the park because it is not. 

Even in cases of abusive wife/ husband where clearly there is no option is hard. It is even harder in less obvious, grey divorces where there is no apparent reason but subjective feeling from one of the parts...

I filed two months ago together with Ex wife and I feel pretty scared too if I will meet another nice LAdy. as nice as her as im not growing younger (Im 34).

On the other hand I feel free to chase skirts at easy. I have the chance to turn on my girl hunting mode which is kindda fun !


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## DumpedAgain (Feb 14, 2013)

It is also often a strategy of the lawyers to raise their fees
The longer it takes, the more they make


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Another update....her lawyer finally filed a response so I started calling my guy to find out what's next. Two weeks later when someone from his office called me back, found out he'd been in the hospital. Her lawyer has been asking for my financial info so I'm in the process of putting that together.

Why can't my stbx provide her with our financial info? She has access to everything we have? Oh wait...she doesn't know what a 401k is or how it works, or have any idea what my gross is vs net and where it all goes, or have any idea what's in our stock accounts including her own. By her own choice....she never cared.

On a brighter note....I have a new female friend that seems to have potential.  I feel giddy inside....but cautious. Strictly friends so far. The best way to start, right?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> On a brighter note....I have a new female friend that seems to have potential.  I feel giddy inside....but cautious. Strictly friends so far. The best way to start, right?


Told ya.

A guy like you won't be single for long. I'm very happy for you.


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## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

Good for you! I too have been talking to an old friend, shows you we can do sooo much better than we have been! Hope it works out!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Update: Dropped off all financial paperwork to lawyer. They said they'll pass it on this week and we should get an "offer of settlement" from her lawyer in a week or so. Looks like things are past the halfway point now.

I committed to renting a beach house today and plan on moving mid-June. It's the downstairs of an older house across the street from the beach that a friend owns. Very good deal. I can see the ocean from the living room. 

Oh...and nothing further on the "friend". I'll re-visit that after I'm completely moved and divorced. Hopefully mid-summer at the latest.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

BG, good to hear that progress is FINALLY being made. That beach house sounds like the perfect place for BeachGuy!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Update: That "week or so" from her lawyer just happened today! Three and a half months and a threat last week of sending it to mediation is what it took them to get us an offer of settlement. I'm going to go in to review it with my lawyer this week. I'm sure we'll be countering but at least something's finally happening.

The guilt is starting to weigh in on me a lot. Leaving my kids at home with her.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

This has been a long time coming, but your story gives me hope. My story is similar to yours, and I hope for your outcome. Keep the chin up and don't feel guilty. I know that my kids hate seeing us fight. I also know that I have many choices in what I want to show my kids, but sticking it out year after year in a loveless, depressing home where fights are almost daily is not a good decision. When all attempts have failed, two separate but happy homes are better for everyone.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

My appt is tomorrow afternoon but they called me and told me the basics. She wants the house and all of it's equity, wants me to keep paying the second mortgage payment, wants half my retirement but wants to keep all of hers, only wants $400/month in child support but wants 50% of my income for alimony for 15 years. Real equitable, huh?

Of course she won't get all of that. They're just asking for the moon up front. We'll counter with something more reasonable.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

wow----she wants a lot!


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Don't do anything less than 50-50.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Gee she isn't asking for much is she? Lol

My friend asked for half his check and ended up with maybe 15%. 

I hope you have a good lawyer.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

As suspected, my lawyer laughed and said their offer was absurd. We discussed it for an hour; went over her answers to the financial information ($1000 a month for groceries she said!). He's drawing up a counter with considerably lower alimony and using the house as leverage. He also said the judge that has our case "doesn't like people who don't want to get a job". Good for me if it gets that far.

I feel a sense of relief. Hopefully this will all be done by...shall I guess, Halloween?


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Update: FINALLY filed a response to them yesterday. Now we wait. Again.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BeachGuy said:


> As suspected, my lawyer laughed and said their offer was absurd. We discussed it for an hour; went over her answers to the financial information ($1000 a month for groceries she said!). He's drawing up a counter with considerably lower alimony and using the house as leverage. He also said the judge that has our case "doesn't like people who don't want to get a job". Good for me if it gets that far.
> 
> I feel a sense of relief. Hopefully this will all be done by...shall I guess, Halloween?


My ex said it took 5 grand a month to run her house.

ROFLMFAO


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> As suspected, my lawyer laughed and said their offer was absurd. We discussed it for an hour; went over her answers to the financial information ($1000 a month for groceries she said!).


Um yeah that might be if you are MARRIED....not so much when you are a single mother.

I truly hope the karma bus runs her over a few times for being completely stupid. And I hope you have a very good attorney.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Update: We filed a more reasonable counter offer in the middle of October. Even being reasonable I'm still gonna be paying her forever. My lawyer left me a msg the other day saying he had spoken to her attorney and she said she would be getting us a reply "soon". Wait...it's already been 5 weeks? How much time does "soon" mean???


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

If your ex get alimony, would the alimony payments stop once she remarries??


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

ne9907 said:


> If your ex get alimony, would the alimony payments stop once she remarries??


Yes, "If" she remarries. I don't see her ever doing that.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Beach, is alimony paid to her a tax deduction for you? In my state it is. Child support is not, but alimony certainly is. So when the receiving spouse receives his/her money, they have to pay income tax at whatever bracket come April (in the US of course).


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes in the tax question. Same in my state.


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