# Male Bathroom Etiquette



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

So here is a quick one as I encountered this situation a few days ago.

You are in a public bathroom with other dudes. You are taking a leek at the urinal and you realize that you need to poop as well. Do you:

a) Double dip, once done leeking you hit the crapper to finish things off
b) Leave without crapping. Either go to a different bathroom or go back to the bathroom a few minutes later
c) Crap your pants on the spot

I have no idea why, but I found myself instinctively walking out of the bathroom and going to a different bathroom in the building lol. 

Side note - why the f$kc would someone think it sanitary that while dropping a deuce you should put your papers/tablet/coffee cup/etc... on the floor next to you ...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Who the heck brings coffee into the bathroom? Really dude?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Who the heck brings coffee into the bathroom? Really dude?


Happens all the time. My guess guys get coffee at the cafe and then as they are walking back to their office stop at the bathroom. Honestly it is nasty when you see someone put their stuff on the $hitter floor.


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## Maximilian (Jan 17, 2017)

I absolutely hate public restrooms. I won't take a dump anywhere but home unless I totally have no choice.

As far as the coffee, I agree it's gross but what if there's no where else to put it? Not exactly gonna throw away a $5 cuppa when I've barely touched it yet. Not that I drink $5 coffee. Much prefer gas station "heavy fuel" to all that Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts crap.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Happens all the time. My guess guys get coffee at the cafe and then as they are walking back to their office stop at the bathroom. Honestly it is nasty when you see someone put their stuff on the $hitter floor.


That's pretty gross. 

Except for 1, our bathrooms at work have tables outside of the restrooms so you can put your belongings there before you walk in. Some of them also have hanging containers on the wall so you can put your notepad there too.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Slow day, Ellis? 

Guilty of bringing my coffee inside the toilet. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

Since I'm female, I can't relate to the urinal issue, however I have had instances where I get out of the stall, wash my hands, and go back in because I suddenly realize it's a 2-phaser. Usually occurs after too much coffee. Probably explains why I should stop bringing it into the stall with me.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> That's pretty gross.
> 
> Except for 1, our bathrooms at work have tables outside of the restrooms so you can put your belongings there before you walk in. Some of them also have hanging containers on the wall so you can put your notepad there too.


The bathrooms in our building all have counter space where the sinks are (4 sinks in each bathroom), so you can just easily place your cup, etc... there. 

Don't even get me started on the guys who don't bother washing their hands once they are done their business ...


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> The bathrooms in our building all have counter space where the sinks are (4 sinks in each bathroom), so you can just easily place your cup, etc... there.
> 
> Don't even get me started on the guys who don't bother washing their hands once they are done their business ...


Oh yeah, we have those too! There's one woman I just call "The Rinser". I have no idea what her real name is. . . . . but I steer clear of her. :grin2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Satya said:


> Slow day, Ellis?
> 
> *Guilty of bringing my coffee inside the toilet*. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
> 
> Since I'm female, I can't relate to the urinal issue, however I have had instances where I get out of the stall, wash my hands, and go back in because I suddenly realize it's a 2-phaser. Usually occurs after too much coffee. Probably explains why I should stop bringing it into the stall with me.


Not a slow day, just too many random thoughts running through my head (which is unfortunately rather normal lol).

As far as the bolded, ummm .... probably doesn't read as how you meant it :grin2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Oh yeah, we have those too! There's one woman I just call "The Rinser". I have no idea what her real name is. . . . . but I steer clear of her. :grin2:


We have someone we labeled "The Mad $hitter" . On a few occasions someone has $hit on the floor, or we have found a pair on underwear lying on the floor :surprise:


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> As far as the bolded, ummm .... probably doesn't read as how you meant it :grin2:


Yeah... Residual effect of living in the UK for years. Terms become interchangeable. Meaning not always. ;-)


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Tapatalk has a good sense of humor... This ad showed up in this thread...


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

I hate using public bathrooms and usually only use when it's absolutely necessary. 
We have a unisex one in college, great idea but it literally, literally just smells like something died.

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Female here, so can't address your original question, but I do just want to point out it's 'leak' and not 'leek'. 

Sanitary napkin disposal receptacles are very useful to put drinks on when peeing in women's stalls. Unless they have a tilted lid. I have had to put beer on the floor at the football stadium before and I usually put a piece of toilet paper under it. Unless I've had a few, then I don't care


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> *Female here, so can't address your original question, but I do just want to point out it's 'leak' and not 'leek'*.


Lol, wondered who would be the first to pick up on that


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Lol, wondered who would be the first to pick up on that


I was going to make this joke, but I was in the bathroom pooping in the urinal.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Guys, tell us honestly... 

Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place? 

I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Satya said:


> Guys, tell us honestly...
> 
> Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place?
> 
> I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.


WTH!? Where in the world are you?!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Satya said:


> Guys, tell us honestly...
> 
> Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place?
> 
> I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.


I think this is more because of a) the staff who don't bother to clean the washrooms, and b) the owners of the building who don't bother to make the washrooms the least bit nice in the first place. People, both men and women, are far more likely to clean up after themselves if the place is in good shape to begin with. I've been in super nice washrooms that weren't clean too, but generally speaking they're cleaner than your typical gas station hole in the floor.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> WTH!? Where in the world are you?!


Thought the same... not my typical experience with the ladies' room.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Satya said:


> Guys, tell us honestly...
> 
> Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place?
> 
> I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.


It is hit or miss. For example, the men's bathroom at our gym is usually in good shape. However, it ALWAYS smells like ass, to the point where I think the gym owner uses an ass smelling lysol lol. 

One of the bathrooms in our office building, there are 3 stalls. Even though there are also 2 urinals one of the stalls seems to be designating for stand up peeing ... that stall is nasty, always splattered pee everywhere, toilet paper all over the place, etc...


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

If it's real, someone had to do something to warrant this sign.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)




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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Well I apparently live in one of the most innovative places in the US, so I guess it does have to do with geography if my experience is that rare!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Satya said:


> Well I apparently live in one of the most innovative places in the US, so I guess it does have to do with geography if my experience is that rare!


Ha ha!!!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I don't know if ya all ladies are aware of, but if you are ever in a mens bathroom, do not eat/touch/play with the colorful puck in the urinal.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Herschel said:


> I was going to make this joke, but I was in the bathroom pooping in the urinal.


*You jest! But we had college fraternity pledges whose initiation rites/ job description entailed "dropping a loaf" in a competing fraternity house urinal or shower stall, or off on some unsuspecting "up-ity" sorority's doorstep!

Now to answer your original question, Ol' Arb ain't real proud! If presented with that same dilemma, I would have no problem in doing "double-duty" in the same public restroom anyway!

When a man's got to go, he's got to go! And if all of the available crappers were occupied/locked, as long as no one was looking, I'd just crap in the urinal!

And I think that any red-blooded man would do the very same! 

Just show me one rational man who is desirous to deliberately crap his pants full when a receptacle is available!*


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I cleaned restrooms while going to college. I'd say both are not places I'd eat dinner in. Neither beats the other.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)




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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I know I have done a couple upper-deckers in my younger days.


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## BradWesley2 (Jul 15, 2016)

Maximilian said:


> I absolutely hate public restrooms. I won't take a dump anywhere but home unless I totally have no choice.
> 
> As far as the coffee, I agree it's gross but what if there's no where else to put it? Not exactly gonna throw away a $5 cuppa when I've barely touched it yet. Not that I drink $5 coffee. Much prefer gas station "heavy fuel" to all that Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts crap.


I guess all that sphincter training has paid off.

Also, this is a damn sh!tty thread!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

confession time. I had a huge fear of public bathrooms when I was younger. Wouldn't go a school. I'm sure it stems from some long forgotten or surpressed childhood trauma. I was ok with the one toilet, lock the door type public bathrooms but could not go with other people around.

Once public men's rooms started putting the dividers between urinals I was able to use them. Also when I started staying out late drinking, well that doesn't leave you much choice - you use what you find open.

I still won't #2 in public unless I absolutely have to. Like if I'm tearing up from the pain. Otherwise it's home or hotel room.

the question you pose about what would you do if you were peeing and had to #2? That's a nightmare scenario. If I HAD to go, and nobody else was around I would then go into a stall. If others are around I would leave the restroom in pain.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> So here is a quick one as I encountered this situation a few days ago.
> 
> You are in a public bathroom with other dudes. You are taking a leek at the urinal and you realize that you need to poop as well. Do you:
> 
> ...


or 

d) Turn round, drop your trousers/pants, whip your underwear down, defecate in the urinal whilst shouting: "Incoming!!!" 

Then in a conversational tone say: "Excuse *me*, gentlemen!" pull your trousers/pants up and saunter out of the bathroom in a jaunty manner.


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## Stillasamountain (Jan 13, 2014)

Satya said:


> Guys, tell us honestly...
> 
> Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone.



When I was younger, I was a janitor in a department store where the employees shared the restrooms with the general public. The women's side was always much, much worse. They would destroy the stalls.

I have no clue why that is, though...


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Wow.

I am wondering if there is any chance of getting the last ten minutes of my life back that I used to read this thread.

:scratchhead:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Now there are a few venues that I generally will not do #2 at: that being a sporting event, provided that I'm a spectator, a fast food restaurant, or a damned movie theater!

Those restrooms are generally so nasty, they'd make a damned buzzard puke! 

But if Mother Nature is kicking my a$$ bad enough, then I'll just lose my pride and wipe it down real good with toilet tissue and go!*


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Satya said:


> Guys, tell us honestly...
> 
> Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place?
> 
> I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.


My office building restrooms are maintained pretty well but I've seen some really disgusting restrooms. I find myself thinking what women out there in the world think it's okay to be so gross. How were they raised? 

When a roommate and I were try to find a place, no one would rent to us. One landlord told us that he never rents to young women. They leave the place disgusting. He said young men don't. We were surprised.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

phillyguy13 said:


> confession time. I had a huge fear of public bathrooms when i was younger. Wouldn't go a school. I'm sure it stems from some long forgotten or surpressed childhood trauma. I was ok with the one toilet, lock the door type public bathrooms but could not go with other people around.
> 
> Once public men's rooms started putting the dividers between urinals i was able to use them. Also when i started staying out late drinking, well that doesn't leave you much choice - you use what you find open.
> 
> ...


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Back to the etiquette part. There are simple rules.

Do not ever, ever, talk to someone who has their junk in their hand. Even more important, do not ever, ever, ever talk to someone with your junk in your hand. Most importantly, do not ever, ever, ever, EVER talk to someone with their junk in your hands.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

While on a road trip a long time ago, I pulled into a rest stop and went into the men's restroom. Instead of the usual enclosure for those who need to take a #2, this particular "enclosure" had half walls so you could see the guy taking a **** waist up. Why bother with the half walls? Has anyone else seen something like this?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This might be unrelated but I heard this on a sports station on the radio the other day and it made me laugh like hell. Joe Buck, who has been announcing the NFL playoff games, was asked what was his most embarrassing moment. He said one time when he was doing a Green Bay Packers game at Lambeau Field he desperately had to take a leak but the commercial breaks were only 2 minutes and the bathroom was a long way from the press box. He had to resort to desperate measures. At the next commercial break he asked the female sports reporter in the room to leave, took the garbage can under his desk and whipped it out. Since he was so embarrassed he had to do this, it took awhile before anything happened. While he was still peeing the cameras went live on him chest high.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

jb02157 said:


> This might be unrelated but I heard this on a sports station on the radio the other day and it made me laugh like hell. Joe Buck, who has been announcing the NFL playoff games, was asked what was his most embarrassing moment. He said one time when he was doing a Green Bay Packers game at Lambeau Field he desperately had to take a leak but the commercial breaks were only 2 minutes and the bathroom was a long way from the press box. He had to resort to desperate measures. At the next commercial break he asked the female sports reporter in the room to leave, took the garbage can under his desk and whipped it out. Since he was so embarrassed he had to do this, it took awhile before anything happened. While he was still peeing the cameras went live on him chest high.


EW. NFL broadcasts will never be the same again. Gah.

In 2002 we were in Cuba and went to a baseball game in Havana and the 'washrooms' were holes in the floor with little boys running all over the place selling toilet paper. ZERO privacy and a wee bit hard for women let me tell you!!! I had to have a LOT of beer before I was able to use those facilities.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> In 2002 we were in Cuba and went to a baseball game in Havana and the 'washrooms' were holes in the floor with little boys running all over the place selling toilet paper. ZERO privacy and a wee bit hard for women let me tell you!!! I had to have a LOT of beer before I was able to use those facilities.


You would definitely have to squat not sit. Aiming would be an issue.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> While on a road trip a long time ago, I pulled into a rest stop and went into the men's restroom. Instead of the usual enclosure for those who need to take a #2, this particular "enclosure" had half walls so you could see the guy taking a **** waist up. Why bother with the half walls? Has anyone else seen something like this?


I have this recurring nightmare CONSTANTLY


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lol, this has happened before:


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

^^ LOL, this happened to me one time. It was my future mother in law looking at me while I was peeing. Talk about weird and awkward.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> ^^ LOL, this happened to me one time. It was my future mother in law looking at me while I was peeing. Talk about weird and awkward.


My future mother in law and I attended a surprise sex toy party together. Talk about AWWWWWWWWKWAAAAAAAARD.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

What do you do if you have to poop after peeing at the urinal? Wait till done peeing. Shake twice. Three times is playing with it. I shake like a hundred times cause I don't care, while I'm talking to someone in the next urinal cause I don't care.

Then, I put it back and make sure I don't do a "There's Something About Mary", while I'm zippering up. Turn, and walk to the stalls and do the rest of my business.

Tips?

Check the seat.

Check to see if anything is still remaining from the last guy. Don't play with the corn.

Put some tp in there so you don't splash yourself when the bomb drops.

Get off the commode and away quickly if it's an auto flush, cause you don't know if it will splash you or fill up and overflow. You gotta move to pull up your pants in case there is a flood. You don't want that on your shoes.

Oh, and men, don't try to flush your tampons. >

p.s.: I was a janitor for a short time and yes, the women's room tended to be "dirtier" than the men's room. tp shreds all over. Tampons unwrapped in the disposal container. Sometimes a clot smeared on the inside of the container or on the stall wall. Oh yeah, it was interesting and stomach turning.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I don't understand people bringing anything into an office restroom. And don't even get me started on people making phone calls from in there. C'mon man! 

When I hear someone talking on their phone from inside a stall I wave my hand in front the urinal making it flush all the while I'm using it. 😬


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Satya said:


> Guys, tell us honestly...
> 
> Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place?
> 
> I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.




No, actually, my experience of male toilets has always been heavenly. They sparkle and smell of lavenders!

I try not to go to public toilets unless I'm in Japan. We do have the Japanese Toto toilets at home, best thing ever invented! Nobody loves me as much as my personal toilet...It greets me, cleans me, dries me, sings to me when I'm sad and is a great listener! 
I wish I could reciprocate the love with something other than regular bowel movements 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> While on a road trip a long time ago, I pulled into a rest stop and went into the men's restroom. Instead of the usual enclosure for those who need to take a #2, this particular "enclosure" had half walls so you could see the guy taking a **** waist up. Why bother with the half walls? Has anyone else seen something like this?




Yes there is a name for that: Glory hole. Was there a dude with a drill close by?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I always remember rather vividly about the tale that my Dad told about years ago, when he was once visiting my brother and sister-in-law in their "new home," where one of their toilets was equipped with an automatic "bidet," that when he simply leaned over to reach for a wad of toilet paper to finish off with, that he instantly felt this strong jet of winter cold water hit him up in his anal region, as he was not ever quite suspecting where it ever came from! *


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Never bring food or drinks into a public bathroom. YUCK


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Satya said:


> Guys, tell us honestly...
> 
> Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place?
> 
> I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.


I swear I've read somewhere that women's restrooms are way more unsanitary than mens.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> Yes there is a name for that: Glory hole. Was there a dude with a drill close by?


There was a certain public restroom in a park where someone was drilling holes waist high in the stall walls...in both male and female sides. The same park was known for aggressive male on male solicitation too. We couldn't catch the guy(s) so public works just kept patching the hole with small boards and bolts but he kept drilling. I'd go in there from time to time just to look at all the patchwork and laugh and marvel at the guys' persistence and commitment. 

Eventually our detectives (dic's, lol) put decoys in the park as a sting. 😂 I'd drive by sometimes when they were working and whistle out my window at them. Lol. They'd wave back at me 🖕. Oh my god, those were the days!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> I swear I've read somewhere that women's restrooms are way more unsanitary than mens.


I've cleaned them both. Women's restrooms are a horror show from hell.


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