# My Sky Funeral



## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

I have posted my story here in another thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/10231-wife-30-years-divorcing-me.html

I finally had the last meeting with the stb-ex and the attorneys on Friday and an MSA was signed. Now I have to fill out a bunch of documents and wait 20 days for the divorce to be final. It was so surreal that I felt like I was attending my own Sky funeral. 

My Ex-W was "giddy" with the settlement; now she can retire a very rich woman and take the money I earned for the last 30 years with her. It felt like she stripped my flesh, crushed my bones and fed me to the vultures. Even my attorney was present to feast on the scraps. I had to negotiate the whole deal myself so I don't even know why I even retained an attorney...(Attorneys = Vultures). 

What is absolutely amazing to me is that she sees nothing wrong with what she has done and the dishonest manner in which she did it. What really has gotten me upset is that she came over today and expects me to be happy about what she has done and wants me to act like everything is OK. 

Sorry for the rant , but I don't know how I can stay civil around her and simply never want to see or speak with her again. 

I used to be sad and upset about the divorce, but after I went through all the garbage from her and her attorney, I just want it to be over. I never thought I would feel this way but the divorce process itself is so brutal that there is no way you can love a person that puts you through it. 

I am praying for the day I can have peace, but I know it's near.


----------



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I am really sorry you had to go through this  I hope you will have some peace really soon. Her acting giddy was out of line no matter what.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Sorry to hear Notaclue. Betrayal is always a hard load to bear; especially when it comes at the hands of a loved one. I don't understand the reference to a Sky Funeral though. Could you explain it to me as I'm sure it's significant?

LIL


----------



## Rosea (May 10, 2010)

sometimes it's very important to give back to people as they do it to others. I know its hard but should make an effort to make the other people feel as miserable as you are. We all know it's wrong...but otherwise there will be another person like you who will be again betrayed by her!

Don't make this divorce your funeral, but your rebirth...


----------



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

I am sorry that your divorce turned out this way. Do not look back man, just look forward. What's done is done and the best thing to keep on going is to avoid any resentment and try to imagine a better future. 

Be strong mate we feel your pain


----------



## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

lastinline said:


> Sorry to hear Notaclue. Betrayal is always a hard load to bear; especially when it comes at the hands of a loved one. I don't understand the reference to a Sky Funeral though. Could you explain it to me as I'm sure it's significant?
> 
> LIL


Tibetians believe that it represents the impermanence of life and I have realized it represents the impermanence of everything - even love, marriage and money. 

I guess metaphorically I thought of a sky funeral the other day while my wife was sitting across the table from me with her beady eyed lawyer. The vision of being ritually dissected and feed to the vultures and then having my bones ground up and feed to the eagles was all I could think of as they were going through the 20 page settlement and happily taking all the assets I earned over the past 30 years. 

So I have finally realized that all the things my wife now has and values are of little value to me because after my Metaphorical sky funeral the other day there is nothing more she can do to me. I'm now in a place that is totally unreachable by her.


----------



## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

stbxhmaybe said:


> I am sorry that your divorce turned out this way. Do not look back man, just look forward. What's done is done and the best thing to keep on going is to avoid any resentment and try to imagine a better future.
> 
> Be strong mate we feel your pain


Thanks, this type of betrayal was a hard pill to swallow because I had no idea and because I thought we were life long soulmates; I am trying to learn from this experience and move forward with my life in a manner that bears no ill will towards my ex. 

The best revenge is to live a good life and that's what I intend to do.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

There are a few things I will point out--one you may not like and the other I bet you will immediately understand. 

The first thing I will point out is that you say she took assets from you that you earned over 30 years. I would point out that even if you did every last bit of the work, at least half of those assets actually are squarely hers. My guess would be that there are ways that she contributed to building those assets even if she never did a day's work--such as putting you through school/college when you were both young so that you have the earning potential you do now, or watching the children so that you didn't have to use the assets to pay for childcare (which is so expensive it pretty much would cost ALL of your paycheck and if you don't believe me, do some research). My point here is that I hear you were betrayed and robbed...but she can not rob you of what is half hers. If you look at if her contribution over those 30 years was valuable, you'd see that some of what she "took" was hers to have (and not "yours") and it may take away some of the sting. 

The second thing I'd point out is that I had a very similar experience when my exH and I divorced. We had built together a profitable, million-dollar business and some considerable wealth. I put him through college (MBA) and got an AA in bookkeeping myself. I did cold calling, all the business accounting, ran the office, hired and fired, wrote human resources manuals and got company benefits, kept the company schedule...all while also running the household, being the president of PTA and being responsible for the kids. He went to the sales meetings I set up for him, sold the items, ordered and installed them, we programmed and built the PC's together, he trained and did live support, and then did service calls. Eventually we had ten employees to help with that process but I was BY NO MEANS I socialite SAHM. I worked for every bit and suddenly one day he left me for one of our customer's assistant managers. In one day I lost my job, my husband, my family...and then found out he hadn't been paying the bills and I was on the brink of losing our home and everything! 

Here's the fact Notaclue. You can work your whole life to build something and think you are entirely safe...and then lose it all in one day. Build anyway.


----------

