# Cross Culture Relationship?



## Tamra65 (Apr 25, 2013)

This is a new one for me and I would like to hear about the experiences of others who may have travelled a similar road.

I am North American, born and raised. My boyfriend is South American, born and raised. I am of the Anglo/Prostestant culture and he is Latin/Catholic. He's only been in the US for a few years. We enjoy a pleasant and loving relationship, but there are times when I feel I can never really know or understand him based on our different cultures and life experiences.
I have tried to reach out to others in similar relationships, but these are more commonly older men in relationships with much younger Latinas.

My boyfriend and I are both divorced, middle age.

I can't put my finger on it, but there is something inside of me that makes me feel as if I might be missing something or maybe I feel naïve.

Thank you, Tamra


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You'll have to describe more of what you are asking in order for people to understand what you mean when you say you feel you are missing something.

I have friends who have dated latin guys (from various different countries). In some cases there was quite a bit of different issues between the two cultures involved.

What specifically are you getting at?


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I don't understand what exactly the issue is?

I'm white, born and raised in California, while my husband is hispanic, born and raised in Mexico. He came to the US when he was 18, so it took him a while to adjust to the new lifestyle after what he was used to in his home country. It was a bit of a culture shock for him. 

I think your boyfriend is still getting used to the new environment, being in the US, as he has only been here a few years. We do things differently here than what he is used to, so try to give him some time.


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## Tamra65 (Apr 25, 2013)

Let me try to be more specific - the things we have in common are what have drawn us together - we enjoy the same music and movies and travel and holidays, etc.
We are highly attracted to each other as in, opposites attract type of thing. I am blonde and fair skinned and he is my middle aged version of Antonio Banderas, lol.
He is kind, courteous, etc.

We have big differences, I am not suggesting these are problems, just big differences: he talks to all his family members, every day, almost as if reporting in - they need to know where he is at all times (and this man is over 50 yrs old! LOL)

He is starting life over here after several mishaps. Long story short - he reunited with a college girlfriend on Facebook, they dated long distance, then he moved here to the US to be with her. Soon after moving here, he found out some fairly surprising things about her and they soon split up. Instead of going back to So. America, he has chosen to stay here and build a new life, so we are at very different places in our lives. I am looking to retire in 5 or so years and he is starting over....
Although the roles of men and women in his country have changed over the years, he is still somewhat old school, but at least open minded. He cooks for me, etc.
We sometimes have language difficulties - not always, sometimes.

Anyway, that's most of it....I am just trying to take it day by day, but worry about getting too involved and maybe wonder if I shouldn't go back to dating American born guys...

T


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## Snow cherry (Apr 24, 2013)

I married someone from Mexico and we grew up totally different with completely different types of family. We didnt even speak the same language when we met. He was 19, I was 22. I ended up learning Spanish and he ended up becoming "americanized". It worked because we were young and in love and moldable...if that's a word. My in laws live in Mexico so we never got the natural interference that would have happened if they lived close by. I am convinced that our marriage might not have survived if my mother in law was close by...I like her but the cultural differences are just too much...I'm fine that she does things differently but she has no understanding of how we live..if she knew that sometimes my H cooked his own quesadillas or that I don't make the bed everyday, she'd go nuts. I can't stand listening to all the myths that she believes...like if you walk around barefoot, you'll grow mushrooms on your feet lol. But I listen with a smile and don't say anything to the contrary. Now, after over 20 years of marriage, I am glad I married who I married...but, it worked because we were young and even though it seemed that we had nothing in common when we met, we were so drawn to each other. If my husband didn't americanize himself (like enjoying a salad with ranch dressing, not wanting to put doilies all over the house etc) it would have been harder..and I've thought that if I had to ever find a new man, being in my 40's...I wouldn't pick someone from a different culture all over again. As for you, I'd just say time will tell...he's just a boyfriend so there's really no strings attached...if you continue to have doubts down the road, you just end it. I've been married what seems like my whole life so I always think that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are much less serious and easier to end...and I don't believe there is just one right man for each woman..I know if I wasn't married to my H, there are tons of great guys out there...so no need to waste time if the day comes that you aren't happy with your boyfriend.


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

^Loved Snow cherry's story  You see, Tamra65, even if 2 people seem the exact opposites, with lots of differences, it doesn't mean they can't be in-love. Love transcends all differences. What matters is acceptance and respect for each other. As long as you have some things you love to do together, as well as share some important life values, you'll be fine  PS: You don't have to agree all the time. As the saying goes, "Agree to disagree". All the best ~mae


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

How long have you two been together? If a while, maybe soon take a trip to meet his family? Make an effort to learn some basic spanish. I have found that catholic families AND latino families tend to be very close. I don't see daily calls as checking IN but checking ON those family members. I call my Mom daily but I'm not needy, just close. 

So maybe you can see that as a sweet, kind thing to be that close to his loved ones and open your heart to them as well. I would love that in a man/new family. 

You may want to learn more about his religion - you don't have to switch but you could try to understand the rituals that make him who he is. I don't see these issues as huge roadblocks, though.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I don't really see any of the things you listed as issues that would cause problems in the relationship. 

The Hispanic culture tends to be very family oriented, which is a good thing in my opinion. My husband talks to his family more often than I talk to mine and I think it's nice. I'm close with my family, but not to the same extent that he is with his. I think it's great. I really love my in-laws, even though they barely speak English, but we somehow manage to communicate.

The language barrier might be frustrating at times, but I wouldn't see that as a deal breaker. My husband has an accent he'll never lose since he learned English at an older age and I love it. I think it sounds sexy. He takes a little longer to translate things in his head, but it's not a big deal. 

Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy, so I wouldn't drop him because of small details about his life. It just depends on what you are willing to deal with. He is starting over, but that's just one part of his life, as you have mentioned many other things he has to offer. As long as you share core values and basically want the same things in life, then I'd give him some time to see how the relationship progresses.


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