# And your point is?



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

When I don't know where a verbal exchange is going with someone, sometimes I simply ask "and your point is?"

My husband claims that it is necessarily aggressive. What's your opinion?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It is a phrase that is often used in a hostile fashion to imply that the outer person has just wasted your time with a lot of talk that doesn't really pertain to the discussion.

If you really don't understand the point that they are trying to make, then just rephrase - "sorry, i don't follow".


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

What kind of feelings do you have when you are saying that? 

Have you clearly made your point to him before you say that?

What is the difference between these two questions?

1. And, your point is?

2. What do you mean?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> When I don't know where a verbal exchange is going with someone, sometimes I simply ask "and your point is?"
> 
> My husband claims that it is *necessarily* aggressive. What's your opinion?


I think your husband meant to say unnecessarily aggressive.

Asking 'and your point is' before the person finishes can be seen as rude. At least wait 'til they've finished speaking. lol


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> What kind of feelings do you have when you are saying that?
> 
> Have you clearly made your point to him before you say that?
> 
> ...


What do you mean can also be aggressive. I remember my father would use it on me:

I'm walking in the door from being out all day.
Dad: So and so called you today. she wants you to call her back.
Me: Ok, thanks Dad.
Dad: Are you going to call her now.
Me: I don't feel like it now. I'll do it later.
Dad: What do you mean by you don't feel like it?

I don't see how "and you point is" can sound aggressive unless you were up to no good and you realise that the game is up. 

I've also learned to say "why do you ask" to ensure that the question is a legitimate one before I answer it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> I think your husband meant to say unnecessarily aggressive.
> 
> Asking 'and your point is' before the person finishes can be seen as rude. At least wait 'til they've finished speaking. lol


This is latest occurrence was by e-mail. I had asked a follow-up question on a group broadcast. It was about a conference call due to take place this evening. The original e-mail said that the details were to come. this morning I sent out an e-mail to everyone on the string asking if the details had been distributed.

Someone that I know in real life responded directly to me saying that she had not received the info either.

So I wrote her back that it was good, then, that I had asked.

So she wrote me back "Yes. It may just be coming a bit later since the call appears to be at 5PM ..."

So
1. in the first e-mail she did not answer the question that I asked
2. in the second e-mail, she's telling me stuff that I ready know..... and that she knows that I know because we see each other's e-mail on the broadcast e-mail.
It all felt so creepy so I asked her: "and your point is?"


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

uhtred said:


> It is a phrase that is often used in a hostile fashion to imply that the outer person has just wasted your time with a lot of talk that doesn't really pertain to the discussion.
> 
> If you really don't understand the point that they are trying to make, then just rephrase - "sorry, i don't follow".


That sounds a little bit softer. but under the right "conditions" that could also come out a bit passive aggressive as well.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I wouldn't like it at all unless it's expected in a confrontational nature. I still wouldn't like it, but at least then it makes sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I agree with your husband. In most cases, it sounds aggressive.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I think it's a bit blunt. Seems like many people think blunt is being mean or aggressive. They want language to be nice and soft and gentle.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> When I don't know where a verbal exchange is going with someone, sometimes I simply ask "and your point is?"
> 
> My husband claims that it is necessarily aggressive. What's your opinion?


And your point is? 

Yep. Your husband is right. It is somewhat aggressive.

Better to say "Sorry. That went right over my head." 

Or "I'm a bit confused. Can you help me out here, please?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> This is latest occurrence was by e-mail. I had asked a follow-up question on a group broadcast. It was about a conference call due to take place this evening. The original e-mail said that the details were to come. this morning I sent out an e-mail to everyone on the string asking if the details had been distributed.
> 
> Someone that I know in real life responded directly to me saying that she had not received the info either.
> 
> ...


1. you felt disrespected because she refused to answer your question in a straight forward manner

2. you felt like she was telling you that you are stupid because she told you things you know

You were frustrated and said, "and your point is"? 

This is why I asked the questions I did. Yes, what you said was aggressive. Your feelings were driving your aggression. 

You weren't wrong to feel disrespected and patronized. The woman either didn't understand or she is just rude. 

Two wrongs don't make a right.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What is the point of this thread?

Yes, your comment was outside the norms of polite communication. 

Do you have some type of disorder that affects your ability to detect this? Not a criticism, just asking.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

"And, your point is?"
Is condescending; by "and," you are continuing the other persons dialogue, as if taking their position, and then asking the question, "What is the point?"

You assume that the other person doesn't have a point; but condescend

I would state to the other person that I don't follow, or "I don't see your point, what is your point?"

My sister says " And, your point is? Often, probably at least once a day. She's a total b¡tch.


giggity giggity


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Hmm not sure I would say aggressive so much as dismissive. And that's not an improvement from aggressive.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"My sister says " And, your point is? Often, probably at least once a day. She's a total b¡tch."

Sisters are allowed to irritate their brothers and vice versa. It's in the sibling handbook. Look it up.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> What is the point of this thread?
> 
> Yes, your comment was outside the norms of polite communication.
> 
> Do you have some type of disorder that affects your ability to detect this? Not a criticism, just asking.


yeah, it's the same social disorder that you have.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Wolf1974 said:


> Hmm not sure I would say aggressive so much as dismissive. And that's not an improvement from aggressive.


Dismissive is how I see the phrase, and honestly how I use it. It's certainly not a phrase I use daily but there are times when you just need to kick a conversation to it's end. Sometimes I just got tired of listening, many people need to use less words.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

NextTimeAround said:


> yeah, it's the same social disorder that you have.


Lol

As for the first post, I think that any slightly dismissive/aggressive phrases sound 10x worse in writing. I find that particular statement to imply someone is either being verbose or not making sense (which could be taken as "stop talking crap and just tell me what the hell you want"), which is because that's how I've used it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> 1. you felt disrespected because she refused to answer your question in a straight forward manner
> 
> 2. you felt like she was telling you that you are stupid because she told you things you know
> 
> ...


I am wondering why she just didn't leave it alone after I wrote "then it's good that I asked."


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think she was just trying to be helpful, in a way. I would've left it and not responded to the last email.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

In the instance of the work email, it definitely comes across as aggressive. Was the woman a bit rude? Maybe. But you had the option to be the bigger person and you ignored it.

While studies do tend to show women's behavior in the workplace is seen as more negative if it is aggressive or assertive than a man's behavior, when you get right down to it, the phrase "your point is" is super-aggressive and rude. If a colleague spoke like that to me, I would feel dismissed. I wouldn't want to work with that person again unless I absolutely had to. It just doesn't breed a good working atmosphere. 

In marriage, I would think that listening to your partner when they say they don't like that you use a certain phrase when you argue would make you to rethink using it as often. Assuming you love your partner and want to stay with them, and that they don't constantly edit your language (which would be a bit controlling), it seems like a small ask. Out of curiosity, why are you so married to that phrase? Does it mean that much to you to be able to use it? Or would it be fairly simple to cut back on your use of it?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Unless you were laughing and smiling when you said it, yes it sounds like you are fed-up listening and think the person you are talking to is a bit of an idiot.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Next time someone emails you with "And your point is?"

Send them this


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

Someone with a background in sales or public relations will understand this. The way in which something is said can mean the difference between a happy listener and a PO'd listener because all conversations have a two sided hidden subtext. There is the side
That the speaker is trying to project and there is the side that the listener is receiving. A good communicator knows how to typically align those two. 

The phrase "and your point is?" Says, to me, "You're wasting my time. If you've got something to say you best get to it."


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

thebirdman said:


> Someone with a background in sales or public relations will understand this. The way in which something is said can mean the difference between a happy listener and a PO'd listener because all conversations have a two sided hidden subtext. There is the side
> That the speaker is trying to project and there is the side that the listener is receiving. A good communicator knows how to typically align those two.
> 
> *The phrase "and your point is?" Says, to me, "You're wasting my time. If you've got something to say you best get to it."
> ...


or "please explain to me why you feel the need to tell me something that I already know and you already know that I know......"


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

Me and my wife use the phrase a lot. But then again our dialogues are sort of a standup comedy act. I also use the eyebrows raised nodding and rolling wavy hand gesture.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> or "please explain to me why you feel the need to tell me something that I already know and you already know that I know......"


^^^^^ Say that instead.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> yeah, it's the same social disorder that you have.


Hi Next,

I had no intent to insult a long time poster such as yourself. I was trying to make the point that communication by email is more difficult than in person, when body language and inflection helps to soften the words. People are often quick to misread emails and tend to lean towards interpreting words as insulting when no intent was meant.

If you are like me, you like to get to the point quickly without listening to fluff. My wife catches me when I am mid-stream doing something and starts telling me long stories that seem to never end. I will say "What is the point?" and of course she does not take that well at all. For some people, telling the story is as important as getting to the end. 

Just err on the side of being more overly pilote because too many people just love to take offense.

BTW, yes, my social skills are less than ideal. :|


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> or "please explain to me why you feel the need to tell me something that I already know and you already know that I know......"




Hence the idiom: " You're preaching to the choir."


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> This is latest occurrence was by e-mail. I had asked a follow-up question on a group broadcast. It was about a conference call due to take place this evening. The original e-mail said that the details were to come. this morning I sent out an e-mail to everyone on the string asking if the details had been distributed.
> 
> *Copying all tends to embarrass the originator who already told you details would be sent out.
> *
> ...


*If you ever say this to anyone, you are being rude. People communicate with each other for all sorts of reasons. Other's should not be challenged to always be making a point while communicating with you. *


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I am wondering why she just didn't leave it alone after I wrote "then it's good that I asked."


She's passive aggressive? I don't know. I would have to say that the best thing you could have done to find out was ask. I've had similar situations and talked with my counselor and that's exactly what she asked me. 

For me, I guess it was a little fear of the answer and some that I would not be able to keep my mouth shut or not show my emotions, if I didn't like the answer.

I guess I would have just had to remember that it's not about me, but about how that person feels. I don't have to own their issues.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> When I don't know where a verbal exchange is going with someone, sometimes I simply ask "and your point is?"
> 
> My husband claims that it is necessarily aggressive. What's your opinion?


Replacing it with "Help me understand your point, Honey" could be effective.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

I only ever hear that phrase in a way that says I don't care what you have to say or what you want doesn't matter to me. But then I usually hear it from teenagers.

D: will you take me to the mall?
W: No I have to finish dinner and then we're going to the gym
D: And your point is?

Kinda the same as saying "that's your problem" which I've heard and was the closest I've ever come to backhanding someone.

W: Were putting foam insulation over the windows to help with cooling costs this summer.
D3: I don't want foam on my window, I like to look outside.
W: I'm putting foam up, our electric bill was $700 last July.
D3: That's your problem.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I Don't Know said:


> I only ever hear that phrase in a way that says I don't care what you have to say or what you want doesn't matter to me. But then I usually hear it from teenagers.
> 
> D: will you take me to the mall?
> W: No I have to finish dinner and then we're going to the gym
> ...


Ooooo. I have to ask. How did you respond? Lol I would have said "You're right. It is my problem. And this is the solution. So, unless you are prepared to pay the electric bill, suck it up because it WILL be on your window, too." ... or I would have been close to a backhand, too. Either way...

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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

@Maricha75 It was something along the lines of "well you don't pay the bill so you can go outside if you need to see a tree or whatever." It did fly all over me when she said that. In a span of 4 seconds I considered everything from an old fashioned beating to shutting off the electricity in her room and blocking off the a/c vents. In the end I felt a verbal response would keep the abuse charges to a minimum. LOL


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

"and your point is" is rude as fvck!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ne9907 said:


> "and your point is" is rude as fvck!


I agree with this.

If someone said this to me with any kind of regularity I'd do everything I could to minimize my interactions with them.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Isn't "And your point is?"
A polite way of saying, STFU? 
You know for example "what's your point, yeah, yeah, whatever, STFU!"
To me, it's shutting the person down & a way to end the conversations. 


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Hicks said:


> *If you ever say this to anyone, you are being rude. People communicate with each other for all sorts of reasons. Other's should not be challenged to always be making a point while communicating with you. *


Well I am going to disagree with your comment Hicks. Usually when a conversation gets to the point where someone says "and your point is" it's not really a conversation about communicating, it's a one sided conversation where one person is talking at the other. I love communication, I love back and forth conversations that click along, but I hate boorish conversations that just go on and on and on and on and on......just get to the point so I can go on with my life!

Honestly when i'm to the point of blurting out "and your point is" I no longer care what their point is or if I'm being rude, I just want the conversation to be over.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Cooper said:


> Well I am going to disagree with your comment Hicks. Usually when a conversation gets to the point where someone says "and your point is" it's not really a conversation about communicating, it's a one sided conversation where one person is talking at the other. I love communication, I love back and forth conversations that click along, but I hate boorish conversations that just go on and on and on and on and on......just get to the point so I can go on with my life!
> 
> Honestly when i'm to the point of blurting out "and your point is" I no longer care what their point is or if I'm being rude, I just want the conversation to be over.



Most people would agree when it gets to the point that someone is repeating stuff you already know, that's when you want to close down the conversation.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Steve1000 said:


> Replacing it with "Help me understand your point, Honey" could be effective.


Lol, "honey"

How incredibly unprofessional and patronising.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

breeze said:


> Lol, "honey"
> 
> How incredibly unprofessional and patronising.


and a form of sexual harassment. How many men would call a male co-worker "honey?"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

breeze said:


> Lol, "honey"
> 
> How incredibly unprofessional and patronising.





NextTimeAround said:


> and a form of sexual harassment. How many men would call a male co-worker "honey?"


At work, yes, it would be unprofessional and patronizing... and even as bad as the initial "and, your point is?" And, yes, it would fall under sexual harassment. But, I think Steve was basing his comment on the assumption that this was an exchange between spouses, not coworkers. I realize NTA stated, later, that it was regarding a coworker, but the post Steve quoted could go either way.

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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> When I don't know where a verbal exchange is going with someone, sometimes I simply ask "and your point is?"
> 
> My husband claims that it is necessarily aggressive. What's your opinion?


Around here someone saying "and your point is?" means "f..k off".

They've been speaking, said their piece, and then you completely dismiss the _entirety_ of _every word_ but effectively saying that they had absolutely no point to anything they communicated....and what's more you're implying that you have absolutely no interest in it or listening to them because they're worthless have have nothing of value (point) to say that you'd be prepared to listen to.

If you say things like "and your point is?" and not realise what it means. and don't realise your husband is saying "UNnecessarily aggressive", you need to significantly improve both your listening and your English skills. As mistakes like that point to very poor communications skills/attention to what others are saying.

If you really do want to know what they're talking about say
"I'm sorry but can you tell me exactly (or more clearly, or more simply) what point you're trying to get across to me"


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your responses. This thread proved my husband right for the most part.

However, if someone said "and your point is" in response to anything I was saying/ doing/ asking, I would simply explain why IF I had a legitimate reason for doing so. If I didn't have a legitimate reason / was fishing for info that was none of my business, then I would take offense like everyone else.

As it turned out on this occasion:

1. My e-mail asking for the call-in details prompted one member to give a fuller description of wht the conference call was about.

2. Someone wrote in after that that he was unable to attend but hoped that it would run again.

3. Another woman said that she would attending, so if the organisers were trying to estimate a quorum, my restimulating that activity on the e-mail strng / broadcast had positive results.

ergo, I'm still wondering why this woman needed to send me a private e-mail first telling me that she had not received dial-in details yet; then when I said, great, my e-mail will benefit the both of us that she secondly, needed to tell me that conf call was at 5pm -- something that I already knew -- and "the info should be coming...." Yes, I could have ignored it but she could have ignored my e-mail as well.


I do have a past with this woman. she has dissed some of my e-mails in the past..... so interesting when she does take the time to respond to an e-mail that is sent to group that she happens to be a part of. I don't feel the need to send private e-mails to everyone who has responded to a broadcast e-mail.

And I think we all need to be careful about the information people give us. I was telling my husband that when I worked for a school district, I became friendly with some of the teachers. 

One day a newly hired teacher missed the regular morning pre school staff meeting. she said that a tenured teacher called her and told her it had been cancelled and they rode to school together that day.

the principal put a note in her box reminding her that the meeting attendance were a requirement of her employment. While the tenured teacher admitted that she received no such message. 

Just a reminder that you need to be careful with your information sources.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> ....


Have you been screened for autism?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

spotthedeaddog said:


> Have you been screened for autism?



No, have you?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ne9907 said:


> "and your point is" is rude as fvck!


I'll be be another to vouch for this.. if someone said this to me -which I can't even think of a time.. I would be offended and feel suddenly that everything I was saying - they felt was a BOTHER , and a worthless piece of rambling... I'd want to get the hell away from them... and I doubt I'd be friendly again, if they were a new acquaintance ...

I find it rude.. a "push off"... there are far better ways to communicate.. anyone who speaks like this does not care for the person they are talking to ....surely.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'll be be another to vouch for this.. if someone said this to me -which I can't even think of a time.. I would be offended and feel suddenly that everything I was saying - they felt was a BOTHER , and a worthless piece of rambling... I'd want to get the hell away from them... and I doubt I'd be friendly again, if they were a new acquaintance ...
> 
> I find it rude.. a "push off"... there are far better ways to communicate.. anyone who speaks like this does not care for the person they are talking to ....surely.


I pretty much agree, I find this phrase is used alot in the work environment when one is trying to show superiority over another (and that happens all the time at my goofy company). I don't think that it's appropriate to use when talking to your spouse or any other member of family. As you say, I find it as a rude push off or if one is trying to establish superiority or dominance over another.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> and a form of sexual harassment. How many men would call a male co-worker "honey?"


Did you not notice that the post is about a dialogue between a married couple?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Steve1000 said:


> Did you not notice that the post is about a dialogue between a married couple?


are you baiting me?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> are you baiting me?


Why would you think he is baiting you? 

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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Why would you think he is baiting you?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


the situation that inspired this thread was not one between a husband and wife. 

Ergo, why is Steve1000 scolding me for bringing the discussion back to the thread's starting point?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> the situation that inspired this thread was not one between a husband and wife.
> 
> Ergo, why is Steve1000 scolding me for bringing the discussion back to the thread's starting point?


Honestly, with the initial post, I assumed you were speaking about having said those words to your husband, not a coworker. It seems he understood it the same way. Once you clarified it was a discussion with your husband about a *work* situation, that changed things. He may not have read those posts in between and only responded because his post was quoted.

So, if the words had been said to a spouse, Steve's point is valid. As they were said to a coworker, others have pointed out (and I concur) that it is rude. 

I really don't believe @Steve1000 was baiting you, though.

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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

I really don't get OP's offense at the emails, if I correctly understand the scenario described. She ASKED if the meeting details had been sent, in a broadcast way that had a subtext of showing up the organizer(s). This seems unnecessarily given that she could have contacted the organizer(s) privately and directly. She got a private reply (appropriate, whereas reply-all would've been annoying) confirming that at least one other person was in the same boat. 

OP then rhetorically patted herself on the back for prompting everyone, and got the reasonable devil's-advocate response that there was still time for the organizer to make good on the promised agenda, since the meeting wasn't due to start until much later. THAT's her point. It made sense to reiterate known info in this context since OP wasn't taking it into account. 

OP seems not to appreciate these subtexts and motivations, which along with the unwittingly combative response has me also wondering along either language barrier or armchair psych lines.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Phil Anders said:


> I really don't get OP's offense at the emails, if I correctly understand the scenario described. *She ASKED if the meeting details had been sent, in a broadcast way that had a subtext of showing up the organizer(s).* This seems unnecessarily given that she could have contacted the organizer(s) privately and directly. She got a private reply (appropriate, whereas reply-all would've been annoying) confirming that at least one other person was in the same boat. That's your interpretation. I was being proactive as right now I am on vacation. Had the meeting been cancelled, I could have stayed out later and enjoy my free time. The other positive that came out of my broadcast e-mail was that it reminded others of the conf call.
> 
> OP then rhetorically patted herself on the back for prompting everyone, and got the reasonable devil's-advocate response that there was still time for the organizer to make good on the promised agenda, since the meeting wasn't due to start until much later. THAT's her point. It made sense to reiterate known info in this context since OP wasn't taking it into account.
> 
> OP seems not to appreciate these subtexts and motivations, which along with the unwittingly combative response has me also wondering along either language barrier or armchair psych lines.


Wow, you're assuming a lot.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> However, if someone said "and your point is" in response to anything I was saying/ doing/ asking, I would simply explain why IF I had a legitimate reason for doing so. If I didn't have a legitimate reason / was fishing for info that was none of my business, then I would take offense like everyone else.



The first thing that popped into my head was, "Why does she care enough to even offer an explanation or be offended"?

You don't owe anyone anything. What's going on there, NTA?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> The first thing that popped into my head was, "Why does she care enough to even offer an explanation or be offended"?
> 
> *You don't owe anyone anything. What's going on there, NTA?*


We're social animals. If I want someone te feel that I am trustworthy, then yes, I will do what I can, within reason, to make them feel comfortable.

Do you believe that every man is an island?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> We're social animals. If I want someone te feel that I am trustworthy, then yes, I will do what I can, within reason, to make them feel comfortable.
> 
> Do you believe that every man is an island?


So when someone makes a nasty comment to you, you try to appease them because you want them to think you are trustworthy?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> So when someone makes a nasty comment to you, you try to appease them because you want them to think you are trustworthy?



I don't see "and your point is" as a nasty comment. I see it as a way to pull out the goal of the discussion.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I don't see "and your point is" as a nasty comment. I see it as a way to pull out the goal of the discussion.


"Well, then..", he said with confusion. 

I guess the majority of the posts in this thread were wrong?

Okay.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> "Well, then..", he said with confusion.
> 
> I guess the majority of the posts in this thread were wrong?
> 
> Okay.



Why does "and your point is?" have to be interpreted as aa insult? Or should I ask, why do you have to be so sensitive when someone asks for more clarification?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Why does "and your point is?" have to be interpreted as aa insult? Or should I ask, why do you have to be so sensitive when someone asks for more clarification?


It is how you ask for more clarification that comes off as rude or as politely asking for more clarification.

How about, "I think I missed something. Can you summarize what you mean?"


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I do have a past with this woman. she has dissed some of my e-mails in the past......


And this is the meat of the matter right here. 

I think your question was very rude, dismissive, and unprofessional.



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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> Why does "and your point is?" have to be interpreted as aa insult? Or should I ask, why do you have to be so sensitive when someone asks for more clarification?



Back in post 13 I asked you if you had a disorder. It was an honest question. But you seemed to be insulted and you insulted me in your respond. 

Think about why. Why did you have to interpret that as an insult? That might help you answer your question.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> Back in post 13 I asked you if you had a disorder. It was an honest question. But you seemed to be insulted and you insulted me in your respond.
> 
> Think about why. Why did you have to interpret that as an insult? That might help you answer your question.


Still pushing that social disorder insult...... even though you already apologised for having said it to me and claimed that you have it yourself.




blueinbr said:


> Hi Next,
> 
> I had no intent to insult a long time poster such as yourself. I was trying to make the point that communication by email is more difficult than in person, when body language and inflection helps to soften the words. People are often quick to misread emails and tend to lean towards interpreting words as insulting when no intent was meant.
> 
> ...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

lucy999 said:


> And this is the meat of the matter right here.
> 
> I think your question was very rude, dismissive, and unprofessional.
> 
> ...


Does the history between myself and this woman make the use of the expression "and your point is" worse or less worse?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I think maybe since you have a history with her, you were looking for something that wasn't there? You were on high alert? Perhaps you have a predisposed idea of how things are going to go down, making you more Prickly to otherwise innocuous statements from her? I say this only because I have a friend who I work with that is the same way. She has a few co-workers she does not get along with. She would show me certain email exchanges, or tell me about conversations between them and I would find her to be overly sensitive and jumping the gun merely because of their bad blood together. She is predisposed to always go into the negative with those people.

But, I have never found that expression to be not rude or not dismissive. 

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> Still pushing that social disorder insult...... even though you already apologised for having said it to me and claimed that you have it yourself.




I know you don't have a disorder. My point was my initial question to you seemed insulting when it was an honest question. 

"What is your point" to you seemed like an honest question but the recipient does not see it that way. 

Better to err on the side of polite wording that is less likely to seem like an insult.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> Does the history between myself and this woman make the use of the expression "and your point is" worse or less worse?




Yes. I can use that wording with my buddies with no problem. If i said it to wife or my boss, big problem. Actually i do say it to my wife and that starts a fight.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

You seem to be the kind of person who is always looking to be offended somehow. And yes, "And your point is?" is a very rude expression and extremely unprofessional to say in an email.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

To be fair to Steve, you said "latest occurrence" so, he was addressing your OP about your husband. I felt you have been talking about two issues, you used it in a work email and towards husband. You never stated this came up because of a work email your husband saw or, if you asked him for his opinion about the situation.


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## rileyawes (Jun 28, 2016)

"and your point is?" is the same thing as saying "so what?"

You really don't see how that could be offensive. Most of the posters here are telling you why, and in detail, it's rude to say that, particularly where you wish to have a prolonged, positive relationship with the other person. They're right.


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