# Need a Womans Opinion, wife had and affair what do I do next?



## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

So in the begining of June my wife tells me she was sexually assaulted, turns out he is someone that we knew as him and his cousion were at our house doing some work several months before. So the way the guy that assaults hers comes to be at our house is she calls him due to his cousin being MIA for a week or so, now you may ask why is she concerend about the cousion, while it turns out she was having an affair with him for several months, the guy is a drug addict that is back and forth with drugs and a real loser. He is engaged to be married and she has no clue aboout the affair. So the police are involved with the assault side of things but who knows how that will turn out....she had a connection to the guy she had the affair with cause they both claim to have this "void" in life.......

She cheated on me and had no intentions of telling me, but due the assualt I found out. Do I forgive her? 
She was sexually assualted, obviosuly I cant even begin to understand how she feels, this is the kind of hurt that may never go away and could very well ruin our relationship. 
She was involved with a guy that has used drugs and still does, (risky behavior) chance of getting a disease........ 
She has the guy over that assaulted her while I was not home and while my kids were asleep in their bedrooms, how irresonsible is that, where is the safety of my kids? 
How is ever can I trust her again, this is the toughest one.........
Curious on your thoughts? I think you may have some great insight and since you do not know either of us personally you can be honest and non bias with your answer.

Part of me took a vow for better or worse but she is the one that did alot of stupid risky behavior and created this issue and I am having hard time looking past that and forgiving for it.

Do I tough it out no matter what

Do I try for a year or so....

Do I throw in the towel now?

I like many have had bumps in our marriage, I have always been supportive and employeed and not abusive or a drunk.....guess it was not enough.

We have been married 6 years and have 2 kids under 6.

I have confronted the guy she had the affair with and he plays dumb, I really want to tell his fiance what he has done to make his life hell for a while but dont know what that will accomplish as she knows he has had drug issues.....

This whole write up makes us look like total trash, we are both white collar workers and live in a middle class neighbor hood, not that it matters....

My wife has battled with depression but never in my eyes been treated properly for it, basiclly tells the GP she is depressed and they give her meds.......not proper treatment if you ask me.

She is also very closed about all of this, she is saying things like haven I suffered enough due to the assualt and I am not going to kiss you a$$ and beg you to stay about the cheating, kind of taking the approach it happened and we need to move, that does not fly in my books.

The kids are my big concern right now and what this will do to them......

The real irony here is that she says the guy that she had the affair with was never an option due to all his issues, it sounds like he was just someone to fill the time with or to see if she wanted to be with me or not and from that she says she realized she wanted to be with me.......yet she still defends him and is mad that I talked to him, that he is alone and hurt and blah blah blah.

Open for any advise cause I sure can use some insight.
Thanks


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## phyxius (Jul 5, 2010)

Wait....she had the man that assaulted her over to the house AFTER he had already assaulted her? I'll read it again just to make sure I read it right but that doesn't sound like he really abused her. I wouldn't have that man anywhere near me, my children or my house if he sexually assaulted me. And if that's the case, maybe she wanted you to find out about the affair but didn't have the courage to just come out and say it. 

She doesn't sound sorry that she had the affair either. If you want to stay with her you can try counselling but I really don't think it would work if she's not sorry for hurting you, whether or not she was truly sexually assaulted or not. But that's just my opinion.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Original thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...uy-sexually-assualted-another.html#post377293


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

phyxius said:


> Wait....she had the man that assaulted her over to the house AFTER he had already assaulted her? I'll read it again just to make sure I read it right but that doesn't sound like he really abused her. I wouldn't have that man anywhere near me, my children or my house if he sexually assaulted me. And if that's the case, maybe she wanted you to find out about the affair but didn't have the courage to just come out and say it.
> 
> She doesn't sound sorry that she had the affair either. If you want to stay with her you can try counselling but I really don't think it would work if she's not sorry for hurting you, whether or not she was truly sexually assaulted or not. But that's just my opinion.


No she had and affair with #1 and when he went missing for a week she started talking to his cousion as she was "worried" aboout him. She invites the cousion over one night and they are drinking and having a good time and she makes the claim that he sexually assaulted her. The police are investigating at this time. She has told me that she was not going to tell me about the A if the assault had not occured. But after the assault I had questions as to why that person was there that night so the car was out of the bag.


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## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> So in the begining of June my wife tells me she was sexually assaulted, turns out he is someone that we knew as him and his cousion were at our house doing some work several months before. So the way the guy that assaults hers comes to be at our house is she calls him due to his cousin being MIA for a week or so, now you may ask why is she concerend about the cousion, while it turns out she was having an affair with him for several months, the guy is a drug addict that is back and forth with drugs and a real loser. He is engaged to be married and she has no clue aboout the affair. So the police are involved with the assault side of things but who knows how that will turn out....she had a connection to the guy she had the affair with cause they both claim to have this "void" in life.......
> 
> She cheated on me and had no intentions of telling me, but due the assualt I found out. Do I forgive her?
> She was sexually assualted, obviosuly I cant even begin to understand how she feels, this is the kind of hurt that may never go away and could very well ruin our relationship.
> ...


Oh my.
No real advice needed.

I would suggest to divorce your wife, without a second thought. She cheated once with a drug addict, and will no doubt expose your children to that lifestyle.
I would take your kids and run.

Let the authorities deal with them.


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