# Served cheating wife D papers today



## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Well after a month of her confession of her cheating the D papers were served to her today. I was hoping she was come to some realty that she was in the wrong. Still to this day she says I decided we was over and I started my new life with this loser of a guy. It’s not cheating! I got a text after work thanking me for filing! No emotions or hurt on her side. Seems like she is happy it is going her direction of D. I am having a hard time with it all and trying to find a way to deal with the sadness! I just wish she would feel the pain as I have. Sad day for me as it’s one step closer to the end.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Fabio, perhaps she is incapable of empathy, in which case it's good you are rid of her. Now she can become the new guy's problem.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

This sucks.... but you will get over her. You will move on. You will find happiness..... and she will always be guilty, no matter what she says or how she pretends. 

Just deal with your crap, and quit trying to figure out hers. 

You'll get there.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

You know you did the right thing. You did what had to be done!


I know you are hurting right now. I suggest you talk to a professional counselor/therapist to help you through it all. If you get a good one, they will help tremendously!


As for her, yes, she may still be in LaLaLand, but her days there are numbered! Once reality hits her, and it will, it is going to be like her soul- UUUUGLY!


Stay strong and stay focused on yourself and your needs. 

And don’t hesitate to lean on friends and family (as well as complete strangers here onTAM)


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Perfect opportunity.

Use her motivation to be free to secure the best possible deal for you.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bud, if you keep expecting her to "get it" you're gonna be in for a lot of dissapointment.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Let’s see....
POS is 46 year old still living with his parents
Has 3 kids from 3 different women
Has grandchild the same age as your youngest


This guy is a real winner!

You need to get a deal while she is still in La La Land!!!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Assuming you were not abusive then something is just not right. No normal person isn't going to have at least some sadness at the loss of a marriage. See this as a sign.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

She will come to regret her actions. This guy is a total scumbag and he will turn on her soon enough. Also, she may look and feel great now, but the 5 year failure rate of weight loss surgeries is VERY high. It's very likely she'll gain that 100lbs back plus some. Then she'll be alone and miserable again. When she comes back around to you, be sure to introduce her to your new girlfriend that the kids just LOVE!

I know none of this lessons your pain right now though. Take it day by day. Time will heal your wounds. *hugs*


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Fabio said:


> Well after a month of her confession of her cheating the D papers were served to her today. I was hoping she was come to some realty that she was in the wrong. Still to this day she says I decided we was over and I started my new life with this loser of a guy. It’s not cheating! I got a text after work thanking me for filing! No emotions or hurt on her side. Seems like she is happy it is going her direction of D. I am having a hard time with it all and trying to find a way to deal with the sadness! I just wish she would feel the pain as I have. Sad day for me as it’s one step closer to the end.


Shes just like my ex. 
D went just as you describe.
My ex is a narcissist, no empathy, no love, just a emotion sucker. 
Be glad your done with her tripe.
One year later she's a lonely One Night Stand/One month session for most middle age men.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

She is done, this affair is just a poison pill to make sure the marriage stays dead.

POSOM was just a soft place to land.

She may very well move on fom him eventually, and still want nothing to do with you.

Work on indifference, acceptance, self-improvement. 

Become a better version of yourself for your next relationship.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

How telling that she either has no compassion or just wants to hurt you! Maybe this is a way to assuage her guilt. Take care of you. This is her choice, not your fault. Better days are ahead for you, just thinking you do not yet realize how much better!


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Fabio said:


> Well after a month of her confession of her cheating the D papers were served to her today. I was hoping she was come to some realty that she was in the wrong. Still to this day she says I decided we was over and I started my new life with this loser of a guy. It’s not cheating! I got a text after work thanking me for filing! No emotions or hurt on her side. Seems like she is happy it is going her direction of D. I am having a hard time with it all and trying to find a way to deal with the sadness! I just wish she would feel the pain as I have. Sad day for me as it’s one step closer to the end.



Yes, but it's important to file as you did. There are legal benefits to filing, which would affect things like joint debt, liability, etc.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Use the fact that she is in the fog to get the BEST deal you can in the divorce. Don't "go easy" on her -- this is her doing and you need to be in the best financial situation that you can out of this.

How are YOU doing -- are you taking care of yourself -- enough sleep/eat/exercise? Don't let her ruin your health along with what she did to your marriage.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

jlg07 said:


> Use the fact that she is in the fog to get the BEST deal you can in the divorce. Don't "go easy" on her -- this is her doing and you need to be in the best financial situation that you can out of this.
> 
> How are YOU doing -- are you taking care of yourself -- enough sleep/eat/exercise? Don't let her ruin your health along with what she did to your marriage.


This is so true. People who are behaving in the manner that your wife is are irresponsible. If you let her have more than you ought to, she will squander it. You may as well take what you can get and be happy to get out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

[email protected] said:


> Fabio, perhaps she is incapable of empathy, in which case it's good you are rid of her. Now she can become the new guy's problem.


Or is on the ASD spectrum?

Empathy and fellowfeel are not common to them.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Don't believe what she tells you, she is deflecting to make it appear that this is what she wanted all along. I believe she is trying to re-write history to justify her actions. She is trying to save face and convince herself. None of this is relevant as you know the truth, just get busy with your life and spend no time worrying about hers now.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

VFW said:


> Don't believe what she tells you, she is deflecting to make it appear that this is what she wanted all along.


Yup. Her response was a petty "You can't fire me, I quit."


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Fabio, just checking to see how you are doing...


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Update on process. In time she had to respond. Crickets she didn’t respond to the divorce request. So I put in the stuff I wanted in the divorce today and she has a problem with it. This was one thing I told her. Write down what you wanted in divorce. So I texted her letting her know I am dropping off the division of property of our stuff. 
She didn’t like that I did that without her! I’m like well you didn’t do it so I am submitted what I want to keep. 
All I can think of is does she understand we are getting a divorce she asked for? That it all needs to be divided up so we start our own lives? Seems like she don’t get that yet. Or she wants to argue for things now after she didn’t respond. It’s not my fault you didn’t want to complete any paperwork. 
So the next time she complains of it not being fair I’m going to go off. Give her all the reason of why it is not fair.
I wasn’t the one who cheated and wants the other guy!
I wasn’t the one who destroy this family. 
I wasn’t the one who will now make the kids live in two separate houses.
It wasn’t fair to me to have this hurt for your actions. 
.. just a few things will be said!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Cheaters convince themselves they aren't at fault. She'll never admit what she's done or care how you feel. 

If she didn't like how you handled it, too bad for her.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Don’t worry about what she thinks or feels. 

Focus on yourself and the kids

Stay strong.

You’ve got this


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I'm sorry @Fabio. Of course this is frustrating, but you don't need to tell her anything. She won't hear it. She wants what she wants and it doesn't matter how unreasonable and ridiculous it is. Trying to speak logically to someone who isn't using her brain is an exercise in futility. Either say something simple like, "I'm sorry you feel that way," or ignore her outbursts entirely. Her feelings are no longer your problem. Getting divorced allows you to not have to deal with her emotions or help her with them anymore. It's over. Don't try to correct her.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Obviously when she does not love you and cheated because she wanted go be with someone else. You cannot expect her to feel the way you do. People often project their own emotions on to others and then wonder why they do not feel the same. She is happy to have her freedom and not sad that her marriage is ended because that is what she wants. You have to learn to live with that and if you keep feeling sorry for yourself she wins. She does not have to do a thing to make you feel bad. She wins. Best revenge is to live a good life. Find another wife and show her how happy you are. To remain a sad puppy only shows her how much power she still holds over you.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Fabio said:


> Update on process. In time she had to respond. Crickets she didn’t respond to the divorce request. So I put in the stuff I wanted in the divorce today and she has a problem with it. This was one thing I told her. Write down what you wanted in divorce. So I texted her letting her know I am dropping off the division of property of our stuff.
> She didn’t like that I did that without her! I’m like well you didn’t do it so I am submitted what I want to keep.
> All I can think of is does she understand we are getting a divorce she asked for? That it all needs to be divided up so we start our own lives? Seems like she don’t get that yet. Or she wants to argue for things now after she didn’t respond. It’s not my fault you didn’t want to complete any paperwork.
> So the next time she complains of it not being fair I’m going to go off. Give her all the reason of why it is not fair.
> ...


Fabio,

Your above post is a logical way to feel and want to communicate with her .... making her understand your side.

You will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER get logic into her mind and get the satisfaction you seek from her "getting it".

You need to let it go ...... for your OWN good.

Your only hurting yourself.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Fabio, as for them making sense, I offer up the following: My xw had an affair with a good friend. When I discovered the affair, she literally packed two suitcases and WALKED to his home, moved in and less than 100 days later (use to know the exact number, cant remember it...things getting better all the time " we were divorced after 30 years of marriage. Two weeks after I discovered the affiair, while discussing on the phone how we were going to handle her and our daughters health insurance, basically just writing two individual policies instead of keeping them together, she said, "What are you doing? Trying to get rid of me?" !!!!!!!!
La La Land is a very confused place.

Hang tight, you did the right thing, dont expect her answer any questions, believe me after a few years it does not matter anyway.

Hoosier


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Hoosier said:


> Hang tight, you did the right thing, dont expect her answer any questions, believe me after a few years it does not matter anyway.
> 
> Hoosier


Last time I saw my STBW she tried to hug me and told me she still loved me in one breath and told me she was moving in with the OM in the next.

La La Land.

Don't bother with trying to get reasonable responses.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Fabio said:


> Update on process. In time she had to respond. Crickets she didn’t respond to the divorce request. So I put in the stuff I wanted in the divorce today and she has a problem with it. This was one thing I told her. Write down what you wanted in divorce. So I texted her letting her know I am dropping off the division of property of our stuff.
> She didn’t like that I did that without her! I’m like well you didn’t do it so I am submitted what I want to keep.
> All I can think of is does she understand we are getting a divorce she asked for? That it all needs to be divided up so we start our own lives? Seems like she don’t get that yet. Or she wants to argue for things now after she didn’t respond. It’s not my fault you didn’t want to complete any paperwork.
> So the next time she complains of it not being fair I’m going to go off. Give her all the reason of why it is not fair.
> ...


Just let the lawyer do all the talking to her until the divorce is final. Then you can unload on her. Doing so before divorce is final will only make her fight the divorce and drag it out.

She is now the enemy. Don't tell the enemy all your plans.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Fabio

1. *Ghost her as much as possible.* All communications through lawyers, or text, or email. NO direct contact.

2. *If there is anything of hers left in the house, put it in storage.* Give her the key. Pay for one month only.

3. *Do not try to talk her out of her relationship.* It just makes you look weak.

4. *Treat her as if she died.* You are a widower now. Do not let her see you grieve.

5. *Let your kids only see you happy.* When you are able to date, do so if only for fun. They will tell Mom.

6. *Strength, Courage, and Decisive action are attractive to women.* Weeping over her only makes her feel better. She wants what she can't have. Take it away. She will come crawling back. Do not ever take her back.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I have a buddy who was a WW whose perspective might be helpful. It does not follow the standard TAM script. Let me know if you are interested.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Fabio,

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest. You would not be human if you did not feel sadness. This too shall pass, and I will predict within a few months you will find relief and be glad she is now POSOM’s problem to deal with. Keep a positive attitude and work on yourself. Hit the gym if you do not and get in the best shape you can and become a lean mean dating machine. The best is yet to come for you.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Is she coldly indifferent because she's high on the dopamine hits she's
getting from being with her new bad boy? Or is she putting on a front to 
be hurtful towards you? No one knows, could be a combination of the 2 but regardless, you need to start living for you.

The marriage you had and the family you built is now dead. Now you need to
focus on building yourself back up; leaving behind your codependency on this woman. You must now also build new relationships with your kids that do not include your STBX.

This woman doesn't deserve an ounce of respect or attention. Only interact with her through your lawyer. As you get closer to moving on, she'll keep coming up with more things to bit.. about. Ignore it. If it requires that you give her some item, F it. Let her have it. Engaging in a battle with her over trinkets will just run up your legal bills. Cold indiference will serve you well and save you money in the long run.

Right now you're in lots of pain but if you use this to start a journey of self discovery and self improvement, I promise you that by this time next year, you will be in a much better place. We have a few threads of BHs that were completely devestated by their XWW blowing up their marriage and family and came back to give an update on how much better their lives are.

We also have some threads from BHs that wallowed in self pity, and a year later are still hurting. Don't be one of those guys. Be the man who takes control of his destiny.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Fabio the best way to get over her is to start training your brain to see her as your ex-wife. Whenever you talk about her to others, refer to her as your ex wife. Say those words: ex-wife to yourself out loud over and over. Once your brain hears the words it will readjust itself to begin seeing her as the past and not the present. 

Don't feel bad about her. Have you ever owned a sh*t eating dog? Sh*t eating dogs will never stop eating sh*t. You could throw them the most succulent cuts of raw beef to eat and a sh*t eating dog will lap up **** every time he sees a pile. It's in his nature. 

Your ex wife is like that. She is what she consumes, and in this case she has chosen to take up with a lowlife. What does that say about her and her character? All of her actions are a reflection on her, not you. 

Your ex wife will continue to travel a miserable road. This OM will use her up, cheat on her and spit her out. Then where does she go? To another loser, that's where.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I’m curious if her boyfriend is trying to get her to go for your house. Where does she think they are going to live? With his mommy? I hope you have sakes an Attorney to keep Your kids away from him! Where is she staying now?


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Fabio said:


> Update on process. In time she had to respond. Crickets she didn’t respond to the divorce request. So I put in the stuff I wanted in the divorce today and she has a problem with it. This was one thing I told her. Write down what you wanted in divorce. So I texted her letting her know I am dropping off the division of property of our stuff.
> She didn’t like that I did that without her! I’m like well you didn’t do it so I am submitted what I want to keep.
> All I can think of is does she understand we are getting a divorce she asked for? That it all needs to be divided up so we start our own lives? Seems like she don’t get that yet. Or she wants to argue for things now after she didn’t respond. It’s not my fault you didn’t want to complete any paperwork.
> So the next time she complains of it not being fair I’m going to go off. Give her all the reason of why it is not fair.
> ...


 @Fabio sorry this is your life right now but I will say this about that Don't bother... it's all about STUFF right now just stick to business

55


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Fabio, I want you to look at the bigger picture here. She is a cheater. She is with a loser. You need a part of this drama, like you need a hole in the head. She is obviously negligent. Anyone with half a brain would have noted the time allotment to get their asset list in order. This says she is childish. You have to realize that any life with a person of this calibre would be lowering oneself to her level. You are better than that, you are better than her. 

Start thinking lifeplan. She is heading for some hard times, she just does not know it yet. Relationships coming out of affairs are approximately 90% prone to failure. Couple this with her immaturity and negligence, and she is going to live to regret ever doing this to you. You on the other hand, get in shape, improve your wardrobe, get a nice place to live. Make an environment that is better for your children. Be the Dad, the solid guy. They will know. I have seen this time after time. A solid stable parent, who does not lurch from drama to drama, whose solid presence in their child's life is THE steadying influence. Your kids will thank you. 

If you look to the future and focus on the target of getting free of this woman, bettering your self, and taking care of your kids, you will emerge from this a better man.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Well I figured maybe she would send something in on what she wants to keep from house. Still nothing. Guess she has time to complete a reply. I just SMH at her still. Wow she just don’t get it or care. Just fun fun is all she looks forward to. 
My prays will be answered when she gets her aw crap moment and grass is not greener on the other side. I think I will be emotionally better and tell her no it is over. That this D is happening and no matter what!
I can’t live like that and be worry about if she is cheating. Not a way to live. 
I also think she is too stubborn to ever admit her wrongs for cheating. Still painting it as no we was separated. Then I started seeing him. She don’t realize that her infidelity caused this divorce. 
All people know say it’s her loss not yours! Keep your head up and it will get better. So I’m slowly building myself back up!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bud, "they all try and come back" is a myth. 

Don't waste anymore time on her.

You'll be better off so don't keep yourself in limbo. You are the only one that can do that.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Marc878 said:


> Bud, "they all try and come back" is a myth.
> 
> Don't waste anymore time on her.
> 
> You'll be better off so don't keep yourself in limbo. You are the only one that can do that.


Amen. I was told by many on here and elsewhere that she would come crying back..... she never did. I knew she wouldnt because to do so she would have to admit to doing something wrong. And her doing wrong doesnt match up with her victimhood. So they dont all come back, but you need to make it not matter.

Detach! Detach! as much as you can. the thoughts of her going around in your head do subside......eventually. In the mean time, get busy!

Hoosier


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

@Hoosier I can totally relate! I too believe she would never admit her wrong doing and doing so would mean she cheated. In her brain it’s being brave and leaving. Nothing about it being her infidelity! Her parents even said, well I think she is so far deep in this and don’t know how to ask For help or admit she is wrong is just riding it out. It’s a battle I would never bring up because it is useless talk anyway. 
In my opinion it seems like she is trying to do the 180 on me. Never says hi or bye. Just a cold cold woman. I try to show my confidence. 
On another note what you all recommend when her friends ask me what is going on? Take the high road and say getting a D or give the reason? A couple of times of told them the truth. Felt good afterwards.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It's not your job to cover for her. The truth fixes a lot of things. 

Let her deal with it.


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

Here’s how you punt on the situation. When asked about your relationship status with your Ex, you say “Were not friends, were not enemies, were strangers with memories”. And leave it at that. 

But if you really want to have some fun just answer “Sorry, I don’t water dead flowers”.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Or I couldn't get along with her boyfriend


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> I couldn't get along with her boyfriend


 Bingo^


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Fabio said:


> Well I figured maybe she would send something in on what she wants to keep from house. Still nothing. Wow she just don’t get it or care. Just fun fun is all she looks forward to.


Take advantage of this and go full speed ahead to divorce. If she’s thinking that way you will get better terms. If she comes back just live with her. Never remarry. She has proven not to be marriage material. Give her a chance as a girlfriend if you must.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Marc878 said:


> It's not your job to cover for her. The truth fixes a lot of things.
> 
> Let her deal with it.


I agree. Tell the truth. 

"I am divorcing her because she had an affair with another guy."


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Graywolf2 said:


> Take advantage of this and go full speed ahead to divorce. If she’s thinking that way you will get better terms. If she comes back just live with her. Never remarry. She has proven not to be marriage material. Give her a chance as a girlfriend if you must.


I would not try that. Who wants a known cheater for a girlfriend? He would be forever in detective mode. Or need monthly STD tests on her.

Her actions now rule her out even as a girlfriend.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Fabio said:


> Well I figured maybe she would send something in on what she wants to keep from house. Still nothing. Guess she has time to complete a reply. I just SMH at her still. Wow she just don’t get it or care. Just fun fun is all she looks forward to.


Right now she is in the limerance of her new romance. She's not paying attention to anything outside herself right now. That is why you need to do everything through a lawyer, dot your Is and cross your Ts. 




> My prays will be answered when she gets her aw crap moment and grass is not greener on the other side.


This may happen one day, or it may not. Don't waste good energy worrying about it. 




> I think I will be emotionally better and tell her no it is over. That this D is happening and no matter what!


That's the attitude you need to keep going forwards. 




> I can’t live like that and be worry about if she is cheating. Not a way to live.


Nope it is not. Freeing yourself from infidelity is your only recourse right now. 




> I also think she is too stubborn to ever admit her wrongs for cheating.


Yep. Pride is the one of the primary reasons waywards refuse to try to fix what they broke. Too proud to own up to what they did. That and a complete lack of self awareness. _ Everything happens to them, they don't cause anything. _




> Still painting it as no we was separated. Then I started seeing him.


It's called blameshifting and re-writing the marital history. You need to take control of the narrative from her and inform anyone in the family and friend circle, who will listen, as to the truth of what happened.



> She don’t realize that her infidelity caused this divorce.


Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. But don't waste your time trying to know for sure. All it will lead to is frustration and more hurt. Concentrate on what you know. 




> All people know say it’s her loss not yours! Keep your head up and it will get better. So I’m slowly building myself back up!


Keep those friends close. Accept their help and thank them for it. 

You are doing fine Fabio. Just keep heading straight as you are doing. It is dark right now but each day will get better than the one before.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

@bandit.45 
That is good advice. Thanks! I am slowly healing and since last night she posted FB pic with him. I’ve been mentally preparing for this day. My friends told she posted a pic with him. I didn’t look but a friend thinking he was funny showed me it. Not cool but as I think time has gone on, I’m not devastated by it. Well just one more chance to try rub it in my face. Not going to bother me. 
I just think she sold herself to the devil! To be a better pool player! In order to do that she had to cheat and get with this guy because he can play a little pool. Because she finally won. Well hope it was all worth a cheesy 100 bucks for first was all worth it! Because there is not R happening here! 
Going to go home see if they set my court date yet! So I can start counting down the days of being free!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

*Now onto hard NC. *

This works BTW I know 3 of which 2 have young kids who use this method.
Never answer a phone call direct. Let it go to voicemail. Respond by text if needed, if not ignore. I think you'll find a lot can be ignored. Always ask yourself does this need a response before anything else. Resposes should be civil and brief.

Zero shared holidays, birthdays etc. expect to get the guilt trip "do it for the kids". That's BS they blew up the family.

Pickups/drop offs should be 3 minutes with zero engagement. Get it done and LEAVE

Block all social media and that includes her family as well. Leave no door open.

It's a form of Grey Rocking and it works if fully applied.

It will normalize over time. All three I know say it was the best thing they could've done.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Fabio said:


> @bandit.45
> My friends told she posted a pic with him. I didn’t look but a friend thinking he was funny showed me it. Not cool but as I think time has gone on, I’m not devastated by it. Well just one more chance to try rub it in my face. Not going to bother me.


Ask your "friend" how he would feel if it was his wife. 

You need new friends.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Ask your "friend" how he would feel if it was his wife.
> 
> *You need new friends.*


Seriously!


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

Drop that friend like a hot Potato


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