# spending addiction?



## marriedandlonely (Nov 7, 2011)

My question is can shopping become an addiction and if so your thoughts in regard to addressing the problem?:confused


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Shopping or spending can have many of the same symptoms as other addictions. My Brother who has more education in psychology than I do, told me that his analysis of his feelings when broke led him to believe he was addicted to money. I don't know if there is any serious research into this but the feelings and symptoms are very similar. I do know that I try to always have some cash on me so I can buy a lunch if I want to.
MN


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Yes, shopping can be an addiction. It can be a real problem for a marriage expecially if they are on a limited budget and the spouse is racking up debt. The best way to address the problem is talking about it and making sure the spouse doesn't have access to credit cards. Cash only. Be on a budget and put a certain amount into the shopping column. We don't have that problem as I hate shopping and my husband is the one who likes to shop but he doesn't have an addiction with it and stays within a budget.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Yes it CAN. And I will tell you that it's an addiction that many women have......as well as men.

Advice: NO IMPULSE BUYING

Unless you know exactly what you NEED (not want) and have done all the research and price shopping etc. YOu do NOT go to a store to buy "something".

Look into "impulse buying" for more info.

Set Budgets and stick to them. Rule of thumb/finances 101: DO NOT spend more than you earn.

Consequences of this addiction are: end of marriage or current day slavery (bank slave). You DO NOT want neither one.


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## ladymisato (Aug 5, 2014)

marriedandlonely said:


> My question is can shopping become an addiction and if so your thoughts in regard to addressing the problem?


Yes, indeed, but while others have pointed to the financial problems, which can be significant, genuine shopping addiction is actually even worse: The shopaholic, like any addict, cannot be satisfied. She (usually) is craving something and believes that buying stuff will satisfy it but, instead, it creates problems which require escape through shopping and so goes the vicious cycle.

To interrupt this you need to figure out what the person is truly needing and redirect them more constructively.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I have the answer to your questions, all you have to do is buy my book


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## ladymisato (Aug 5, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> I have the answer to your questions, all you have to do is buy my book


How much are you charging for your book? Mine is free.


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## justfabulous (Feb 9, 2014)

Absolutely, shopping can be an addiction, and like any addiction it can be a very destructive force in a marriage and a source of much conflict. 

Ladymisato is entirely correct in stating: _"shopaholic, like any addict, cannot be satisfied. She (usually) is craving something and believes that buying stuff will satisfy it but, instead, it creates problems which require escape through shopping and so goes the vicious cycle. To interrupt this you need to figure out what the person is truly needing and redirect them..."
_
Early on in my marriage I had a shopping addiction and I can attest that shopping would absolutely give me a brief high. But much like a drug, the high wore off quickly, and then I'd need to do it again to get that feeling back, and so it repeated again and again. Fortunately I've never been addicted to substances, but shopping was undeniably my drug.

I now realize that the reason I was buying all this stuff I really didn't need (and didn't even have room in my home for) was to try to fill a much deeper hole within myself, and to try to numb emotional pain I was carrying deep inside myself. Shopping was a temporary distraction from deeper emotional issues that I was not dealing with, and it tended to briefly numb my pain. 

I was very fortunate in that, one day, just out of the blue, a light bulb just went off in my head - it was almost like some sort of divine enlightenment and I suddenly understood what this was all about for me. I stopped the shopping cold turkey right there and then, after years of having this "addiction". In fact, from that point on, the thought of all that frivolous spending and accumulation of "stuff" literally repulsed me. 

What really helped me fight off the urges and temptations from that time on was that I decided that each time I felt that compulsion to buy stuff, I would set some money aside instead to donate towards a cause I care very much about, a cause which happens to be very closely related to the source of the emotional pain which led to the shopping addiction. It became very easy for me to say, no, I don't want to bring this stuff home with me, I'd rather put the money toward this worthy cause. I was able to turn a destructive pattern around into something very constructive, and I was able to take a habit that was all about me, and made it all about doing something for others who needed help. Instead of numbing the emotional pain I was carrying, this was a way of facing it head on in a very constructive manner, and feeling empowered to contribute towards making things better for others, rather than carrying the pain of feeling helpless. To this day, it continues to work so well for me and I remain free of the urge to shop. I still feel tempted every time Im in a store (or online!), but now Im able to use this technique to over ride it.

I was lucky in that I was ultimately able to identify for myself that I was filling a void with the shopping, and what that void was was - and that I was numbing emotional pain. For someone who is not as introspective as I tend to be, therapy may be in order to peel back the layers of the onion and figure out what pain or emotional void is at the root of the need to shop. There is always pain beneath it. 

OP, I am curious, do you suspect that either you or your spouse has a shopping addiction?

I know I put my husband through much distress back in those days, for which I remain extremely remorseful to this day. Fortunately we left that phase of our life behind quite some time ago.


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## marriedandlonely (Nov 7, 2011)

justfabulous your post was very interesting reading and yes I think my wife may be in the same situation you were and I am looking for a reason that our marriage has been without intamacy for a few years now and I am looking for a reason and am wondering if the high experienced from the shopping could be enough of an adrenalin high to fill that spot 
We were away renting for about 15 years and decided to come home to find that we have too much stuff to fit into our home but wife still is coming home with more of everything even if it means throwing stuff out that is too "OLD"


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Two people close to me had shopping addictions... my X and my pop.

As long as I "did the books" my X did not have the opportunity to.

She would get cash from her mom to impulse buy. Several years ago

when you could have three credit cards with outrageous credit limits,

they were all maxed out. Until her mother died, she would bail my

X out. She learned I was not as forgiving. I would assist her in ways

to pay them but I would not "pay them for her." I am certain that

caused built-up resentment. But what would have happened if I

had bailed her out? 

Set up a budget and stick to it. The key is

sticking to it. Budgets are like diets, we all mean well starting out

but fall back into our old ways easily. Once she is held 

accountable, view her reactions.

I am lucky (I hate shopping), either mom or a SO would cover that

for me...while I would gladly mow the yard, check car maintenance,

etc. Pop on the other hand, from what mom says, he would get a

new "wardrobe" about twice a year. Back in the day, he would 

intentionally pass a bogus check for the clothes / shoes / etc.

That is one of several habits I am glad I did not pick up from him.


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## justfabulous (Feb 9, 2014)

How long have you been without intimacy for?

Do you suspect that your wife has any sort of depression? Both a shopping addiction and dis-interest in intimacy can be signs of depression. 

If you do think she is depressed, do you have an idea of what the cause would be?

Yes, the accumulation of stuff is just as damaging as the ridiculous amount of money that gets blown. Its hard to create a relaxing and peaceful environment in the home when it is over-cluttered with stuff. Not to mention the amount of time that gets sucked up constantly moving all that stuff around from here to there, trying to make it fit, trying to tidy it up, when really there is just no room for it. 

I am so glad that is behind me. And what's weird is, I actually used to think shopping was making me happy. I was somehow oblivious to all the problems I was creating for myself. 

I understand now how extremely hard this was on my husband, so I really sympathize with you. Your wife may really need to see a therapist to get this sorted out. Don't count on her having the kind of epiphany that I was somehow lucky enough to wake up to one day.




marriedandlonely said:


> justfabulous your post was very interesting reading and yes I think my wife may be in the same situation you were and I am looking for a reason that our marriage has been without intamacy for a few years now and I am looking for a reason and am wondering if the high experienced from the shopping could be enough of an adrenalin high to fill that spot
> We were away renting for about 15 years and decided to come home to find that we have too much stuff to fit into our home but wife still is coming home with more of everything even if it means throwing stuff out that is too "OLD"


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Anything can be a addiction!! The question is........? Is the spending causing a problem? 

There is no right or wrong!! You can die with millions or die broke, but did you live? Did you enjoy your life? 

I'm somewhere in the middle!!


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## justfabulous (Feb 9, 2014)

OhGeesh said:


> Anything can be a addiction!! The question is........? Is the spending causing a problem?


Based on what the OP said, it sounds like he does indeed feel it is a problem...

"We were away renting for about 15 years and decided to come home to find that we have too much stuff to fit into our home but wife still is coming home with more of everything even if it means throwing stuff out that is too "OLD" "

Trying to squeeze more stuff into a home than you have room for, and tossing out perfectly good stuff to make room for new stuff you just bought and dont need is very dysfunctional...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

ladymisato said:


> Yes, indeed, but while others have pointed to the financial problems, which can be significant, genuine shopping addiction is actually even worse: The shopaholic, like any addict, cannot be satisfied. She (usually) is craving something and believes that buying stuff will satisfy it but, instead, it creates problems which require escape through shopping and so goes the vicious cycle.
> 
> To interrupt this you need to figure out what the person is truly needing and redirect them more constructively.


Sometimes people just want the stress that comes with the behavior. This can be the same for being late/procrastination, etc. Stress hormones, i.e. adrenaline are very addictive. If the mind can get its fix by having someone go buy something, it will. And the merchants and advertisers as well as the banks that extend credit are only too happy to help out.


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## marriedandlonely (Nov 7, 2011)

Thanks for all your your input I think after reading it through there is a problem but where does one begin if you ask ask and are told that "nice things make me feel good "
I had a suspicion that it was the case but is restricting the amount of money available the answer


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

by tightening up financially, you will see the reaction you need to

it may not be the reaction you want, but definitely the one you need


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

The term Retail Therapy comes to mind. You can "diet" with your $$, but that is not enough. You must also get to the root cause, and until the root cause is dealt with, "dieting" your $$ is not going to be sustainable. Often the state of ones finances is a direct reflection of ones character and trustworthiness.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Whether you call it an addiction or a peanut butter sandwich, it's behavior likely to doom a relationship. Whether by joining a support group, reading a book, talking to a shrink, praying to Jesus or having credit cards cut up, those who expect to remain married will have to knock the crap off. At some point you just can't afford them.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Am I weird for preferring to live on a budget and spend as little as possible to save for bigger and better things? (i.e. I'd rather save for an exciting, fun vacation than buy random clothes and go out to eat at nice restaurants on a regular basis)


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## bravenewoldman (Jun 19, 2015)

i understand what you mean. my wife spends most of her money on frivalous things. she get $1330 each month and spends that plus $300-$400 more in credit for nothing. Now that she's poor she keeps after me to pay for more and more things from the family account. i think she's addicted to spending. if she finds a penney she would have to spend it. she won't save so thet we can do something memorable and worthwhile. i told her she would be more Christlike if she would just give her money to charity then to blow it on crap.


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