# How should I approach this?



## talley10 (Aug 21, 2010)

Hi. I'm new here and I've been married almost 2 years. 

I know it's normal for men to look at porn on occasion but tonight, while I was trying to look up something my husband's phone for my aunt (while at a family function), I came across many porn websites as I backed up the browser to get to a search engine. At first I thought maybe I'd hit something on the website that I was looking for that may have led to some spam. But as I backed up to try and find the browser, there was site after site after site and even some places where certain sites and individual people were in the search box. 

Should I try and talk with him about it? I mentioned what I saw on the way home and he acted like he didn't hear the part about the porn and breezed over to another topic of conversation. It just really upsets me because I feel like it may have something to do with us not hardly ever having sex anymore. I don't know if it's because I gained a little weight (though I've lost it all now) or what. 

I haven't found any on our computer (i'm pretty computer savvy). My own personal beliefs about porn are that it takes away from the intimacy that should be shared between a couple. Should I even worry?


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## Triumph (Oct 8, 2011)

talley10 said:


> My own personal beliefs about porn are that it takes away from the intimacy that should be shared between a couple.


Perhaps then, a lack of intimacy leads to porn?

Couldnt say if you should worry. If the copius amount of web sites bothers you, just know its normal for guys who search porn to view lots and lots and lots of it at a single session. You might think gross/ perv, etc. Just know its normal for guys.

Personally I dont think porn is a problem with relationships... until it becomes a problem. If your Hubby stills shows you love and affection, if your hubby is still pursuing you as much as usual, then the only issue is your problem with his viewing porn. 

Im not meaning to paint a picture that its a wife's problem, just that if he still devotes as much time to you as he always has, then his use of porn is probably just to get that quick one out, and wont develop into anything more serious.

Warning signs include 

obsessing over the wearabouts of his phone to ensure you cant check his browser history.

Showing a lack of interest in you physically

Becoming emotionally disattatched from you/relationship.

Using stereotypical female responses to avoid sex. "Not tonight, wifey, I have a raging headache and my penis is bleeding something fierce!"

If you have never noticed any of this, and you simply want info on his porn habit, know its normal. As his wife, if you have any serious issue with this, bring it up with him and discuss first and foremost. Secondly, after you have time to think about his responses you set your boundaries. Boundaries have to be second!!!

Most might say boundaries are #1, but I disagree in this case. If you set a powerful boundary, telling him that if he views porn there will be serious repercussion, chances are you will drive him to hide his interest even more. Hiding the interest will just allow it to germinate and grow. If you want to put your foot down, by all means. If you want to grow your relationship, boundaries are #2, IMO.

Id suggest you understand his POV on the subject, and make your own judgements from there. He will deny/ avoid the topic out of shame and fear of losing you. Again, this is normal. If you bring up the conversation with proof in hand, and with a tone that says, "I want to understand" you will have the best luck.


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