# menopause: no emotion and gift of divorce



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Update: Saw doctor. Will go back in 2 weeks. Starting Lexapro. If that doesn't help in a month I start HRT patches. The dr. told me at this point I'm very close to needing intensive therapy in clinical setting. So this is a step from that with the hope in a month I won't be in the place I'm at. There's no drama or joy derived in feeling like this. She said from her observation I'm going 5 minutes to the next five minutes. Right now life sucks. 



Edit

I have an emergency appointment with my gynecologist. I am going to be completely honest about everything I've been dealing with.

I have not dealt with any of this before August. None of this was an issue last year. Maybe it's not hormonal. I'll find that out. and whatever it takes, I'll do. I can't live this way another day.



I'm 50, no period months. Having horrible depression and no emotion. I'm tired of feeling horrible. I'm thinking my husband deserves to be happy and live a fulfilled life. He's an upbeat person. I was until 6 months ago. I now disgust myself. I'm to the point I'd rather be alone and just deal with work. I'm not me. I've totally changed in literally weeks. I'm afraid of meds because of the side effects and I don't know that's what fixes menopause. I am literally becoming somsomeone I don't know.

Is this my life now? I was aware of menopause. I wasn't aware of the possibiity of becoming a joyless, blank faced woman who feels so embarrassed of who she is she'd rather not see her spouse again.

ShouldI accept it for what it is and file and let him find happiness? I know he's a happy person, I think he'd be much happier if I weren't with him.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Are you on HRT? Or have you started taking anti-depressants?


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I'm not me. I've totally changed in literally weeks. I'm afraid of meds because of the side effects and I don't know that's what fixes menopause. I am literally becoming somsomeone I don't know.


Are the side effects you are worried about worse than this, though?


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you should investigate bioidentical seeds for HRT.
normally i would recommend this so the hubby can still get some sex, but in this case YOU really need the sex! it seems to be a very important part of who you view yourself to be


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I'm not on HRT yet. My gyn cancelled my appointment due to emergencency and can't see me until March. I was also a midlevel drive and went higher. Dh has been initiating. I'm just living in my head, can't sleep, feel like why would someone want a 50 year old when there are fitter younger women. I feel like I've lost me.

If i gain weight on meds, I will be hugely fat. I can't deal with that. That would be worse.

I almost feel like divorce is better than becoming obese because who'd want that? Sure, I'd be numb or coping, but I'd be a turn off sexually. so a functioning overweight, nonsexy person or someone that lets dh live a normal life . I know Im the problem. He shouldn't have to live with it.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I know he'll be happy. Maybe not for the first month or so, but after than he'll be fine.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I know he'll be happy. Maybe not for the first month or so, but after than he'll be fine.


We're at the point he's golfing with his brother on Valentine's day. So not much going on emotionally. Why drag it out.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I'm not on HRT yet. My gyn cancelled my appointment due to emergencency and can't see me until March. I was also a midlevel drive and went higher. Dh has been initiating. I'm just living in my head, can't sleep, feel like why would someone want a 50 year old when there are fitter younger women. I feel like I've lost me.
> 
> If i gain weight on meds, I will be hugely fat. I can't deal with that. That would be worse.
> 
> I almost feel like divorce is better than becoming obese because who'd want that? Sure, I'd be numb or coping, but I'd be a turn off sexually. so a functioning overweight, nonsexy person or someone that lets dh live a normal life . I know Im the problem. He shouldn't have to live with it.


wow you have some weird thoughts in that head!
1) men LIKE their 50 year old wives bodies. Wear some hot lingerie, and see if your husband does not get immediately arroused by it!
2) you have never taken HRT before, how do you know it will make you gain weight?
3) what is wrong with dieting and joining a gym to work out? build some muscle mass, and your metabolism will increase and you will be LOSING weight. also, your disposition will improve from the exercise.
4) golfing on valentines day? what is he doing at night? Feed him a special meal, pop open a good bottle of wine, and jump his bone!


it is not uncommon for mature women to have body image issues. but for most women, it is all in their minds, their husbands are still very horny for them. Its in the way you act, act SEXY and he will respond


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

He says things like 'you're the love of my life" " I love you more now than ever" , while going out twice a week and taking me out for dinner on our 25 with a gcard his parents gave him. BTW, money's not a problem. 

I'm familiar. Someone needs to admit it.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I do wear lingerie. I do initiate. He tells me his stomach is off, let's go in the morning, the kids are home.

He's not into it unless I press.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I do wear lingerie. I do initiate. He tells me his stomach is off, let's go in the morning, the kids are home.
> 
> He's not into it unless I press.


And no, he's not immediately aroused. Doesn't watch me get dressed, etc.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I'm 50, no period months. Having horrible depression and no emotion. I'm tired of feeling horrible. I'm thinking my husband deserves to be happy and live a fulfilled life. He's an upbeat person. I was until 6 months ago. I now disgust myself. I'm to the point I'd rather be alone and just deal with work. I'm not me. I've totally changed in literally weeks. I'm afraid of meds because of the side effects and I don't know that's what fixes menopause. I am literally becoming somsomeone I don't know.
> 
> Is this my life now? I was aware of menopause. I wasn't aware of the possibiity of becoming a joyless, blank faced woman who feels so embarrassed of who she is she'd rather not see her spouse again.
> 
> ShouldI accept it for what it is and file and let him find happiness? I know he's a happy person, I think he'd be much happier if I weren't with him.


I am on HRT patches and have been for many years. No side effects at all. Get down to your doctor and ask for the patches. Sorted.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> He says things like 'you're the love of my life" " I love you more now than ever" , while going out twice a week and taking me out for dinner on our 25 with a gcard his parents gave him. BTW, money's not a problem.
> 
> I'm familiar. Someone needs to admit it.


Sounds as if he really loves you. You are blessed but can't see it..


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I'm not on HRT yet. My gyn cancelled my appointment due to emergencency and can't see me until March. I was also a midlevel drive and went higher. Dh has been initiating. I'm just living in my head, can't sleep, feel like why would someone want a 50 year old when there are fitter younger women. I feel like I've lost me.
> 
> If i gain weight on meds, I will be hugely fat. I can't deal with that. That would be worse.
> 
> I almost feel like divorce is better than becoming obese because who'd want that? Sure, I'd be numb or coping, but I'd be a turn off sexually. so a functioning overweight, nonsexy person or someone that lets dh live a normal life . I know Im the problem. He shouldn't have to live with it.


Hrt patches won't make you put on weight.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> I'm not on HRT yet. My gyn cancelled my appointment due to emergencency and can't see me until March. I was also a midlevel drive and went higher. Dh has been initiating. I'm just living in my head, can't sleep, feel like why would someone want a 50 year old when there are fitter younger women. I feel like I've lost me.
> 
> If i gain weight on meds, I will be hugely fat. I can't deal with that. That would be worse.
> 
> I almost feel like divorce is better than becoming obese because who'd want that? Sure, I'd be numb or coping, but I'd be a turn off sexually. so a functioning overweight, nonsexy person or someone that lets dh live a normal life . I know Im the problem. He shouldn't have to live with it.


You seem to realize you have some pretty serious depression going on. You are in no position to make any really serious life decisions in this state. I think you need to talk to your doctor discuss whats going on, look into all possible options, including nutrition and exercise and start working on putting the plan to work. I know depression can be paralyzing and the motivation to work hard on these things can be nearly impossible so you might need you husband to help you and even provide some tough love when necessary depending on what your doctor and maybe a therapist tell you. It is very possible to find the solution to your emotional problems instead of thinking of the solutions and coming up with reasons why they could be worse, you don't know you will gain weight with the proper plan. Talk to your doctor and tell them all your concerns and find the best possible solution.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I'm not on HRT yet. My gyn cancelled my appointment due to emergencency and can't see me until March. I was also a midlevel drive and went higher. Dh has been initiating. I'm just living in my head, can't sleep, feel like why would someone want a 50 year old when there are fitter younger women. I feel like I've lost me.
> 
> If i gain weight on meds, I will be hugely fat. I can't deal with that. That would be worse.
> 
> I almost feel like divorce is better than becoming obese because who'd want that? Sure, I'd be numb or coping, but I'd be a turn off sexually. so a functioning overweight, nonsexy person or someone that lets dh live a normal life . I know Im the problem. He shouldn't have to live with it.


What about anti-depressants?


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> We're at the point he's golfing with his brother on Valentine's day. So not much going on emotionally. Why drag it out.


So...??? How is that a sign of no love for you?


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

That itself isn't. 

It's a virtual bar league golf. It's the fact he'd rather be at bar on Valentine's Day, when the other half of the group cancelled to hang out with their wives. He's part of a 4 some. He said why cancel- what's Valentine's Day? so I'll be at work at 6 am and hell come home at 10pm. That's the problem


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> What about anti-depressants?I


I don't want the weight gain and zombie effect. My daughter had no emotion at all on them


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I'm not on HRT yet. My gyn cancelled my appointment due to emergencency and can't see me until March. I was also a midlevel drive and went higher. Dh has been initiating. I'm just living in my head, can't sleep, feel like why would someone want a 50 year old when there are fitter younger women. I feel like I've lost me.
> 
> If i gain weight on meds, I will be hugely fat. I can't deal with that. That would be worse.
> 
> I almost feel like divorce is better than becoming obese because who'd want that? Sure, I'd be numb or coping, but I'd be a turn off sexually. so a functioning overweight, nonsexy person or someone that lets dh live a normal life . I know Im the problem. He shouldn't have to live with it.


You aren't making any sense...all of your thoughts are based on your roller coaster emotions, so NOT REALITY.

You need to find a way to calm your mind and stop spiraling into a pit of despair of your own making. You are being very selfish and unloving to your husband (and everyone else) by making everything about yourself.

And are you saying that no one should be attracted to any women in their 50s, because we aren't young anymore...? Or do you want to hang onto all that loathing for yourself??


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

snowbum said:


> I know he'll be happy. Maybe not for the first month or so, but after than he'll be fine.


Then go ahead and do it.

What are you looking for, here?

Are you in counseling?


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I don't want the weight gain and zombie effect. My daughter had no emotion at all on them


Some of it sounds like you prefer to wallow in your unhappiness instead of finding a way out of it. 

You are ready to dump your husband and marriage, and you haven't even gained any weight yet. And your emotions aren't helping you right now.

Nothing and no one can fix this for you, only YOU can fix it.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> That itself isn't.
> 
> It's a virtual bar league golf. It's the fact he'd rather be at bar on Valentine's Day, when the other half of the group cancelled to hang out with their wives. He's part of a 4 some. He said why cancel- what's Valentine's Day? so I'll be at work at 6 am and hell come home at 10pm. That's the problem


What did YOU say? Were you honest and said, "I want to do something romantic on Valentine's Day"...or did you pretend you were fine to him, while punishing him for being unloving inwardly?

Have you celebrated Valentine's Day every year before this one?


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I'm speaking for myself. Many women are attractive at 50. I am referring only to myself. I know there are many options at husband's work. I know they are close friends. I feel I am depriving him of forming a relationship with a beautiful woman that understands his line of work and physical desires.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Dh won't go to counseling. Says its on me. I mentioned Valentines Day is on MOnday. He said he's golfing and why shouldn't he? I told him because I want to spend the evening with him. He said to pick another day, the date doesn't matter.

I'm thinking of cashing retirement to fund a place.


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Sounds like you better go see the doc sister. I mean, you sound like superwoman… training/jogging, big chore list, want sex all the time- lol… I mean dang- you’re doing well with your depression, but I guess even superwomen need help sometimes.

Do you ever go sit with God at adoration- great way to calm your busy brain sometimes.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

CatholicDad said:


> Sounds like you better go see the doc sister. I mean, you sound like superwoman… training/jogging, big chore list, want sex all the time- lol… I mean dang- you’re doing well with your depression, but I guess even superwomen need help sometimes.
> 
> Do you ever go sit with God at adoration- great way to calm your busy brain sometimes.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> Dh won't go to counseling. Says its on me. I mentioned Valentines Day is on MOnday. He said he's golfing and why shouldn't he? I told him because I want to spend the evening with him. He said to pick another day, the date doesn't matter.
> 
> I'm thinking of cashing retirement to fund a place.


I don't know what else can be said to help you...you rebuff every suggestion given to you.

I think you want power in your relationship, which is why you are obsessed with being attractive and are willing to leave your husband even though he says loving things to you and shows how important you are to him.

That dynamic is very unhealthy and impossible to maintain. You can't handle feeling vulnerable in your marriage, and you are willing to tear it apart to avoid that feeling. If you aren't careful, you are going to push your husband away and damage his trust and connection to you.

This is ON YOU. You can choose to see things positively or negatively. You can choose to do things to help yourself or hurt yourself.

Why don't you pack up a few things and spend a week somewhere else by yourself to get some perspective?


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

snowbum said:


> I don't want the weight gain and zombie effect. My daughter had no emotion at all on them


She is not you.

Antidepressants are not a lifetime commitment.

You have no emotion now.

That is your depression grabbing hold of you. It doesn’t want to let go. And it’s going to make up all kinds of distortions in your head so that you get too tired to fight back and escape. Don’t submit. Listen to those who have done this before and follow through. Get help, and stop putting conditions on it. This is an emergency.


IME, I was stuck, I took the meds, they helped, I fixed some things, no longer needed them, stopped taking them, and moved on capable of enjoying life.

The only times I felt flat were towards the end, when I no longer needed the meds — and at the beginning, when I was depressed. The meds were crucial to turning things around.

I have been around people who have taken antidepressants for years, and not gained anymore weight than the rest of us. Not everyone has side-effects from every med. There are many to chose from. Ask about Wellbutrin, as it seems many avoid negative weight and sexual side-effects taking it, some even may have positive ones. 

Depression is serious ****. You need to address it with active help from a qualified set of professionals, include one that knows how to adjust the meds. Untreated, it can get worse over time and get harder to climb out of.

Regarding your husband, you seem to want to make choices for him. That, again, is your depression distorting your thoughts, to keep you in its grasp. It’s not really considerate of him, it is very much the opposite — depression considering only itself.

You need to get professional help and follow through. Or stop telling yourself you want change.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

You are the only one who doesn't see a way out. 

It's like you are drowning and people keep on throwing life vests at you, but you refuse to grab them. No one can help you if you refuse every suggestion thrown at you. 

Maybe you don't realize this, but you are sabotaging your life and marriage. Maybe one day you'll have a clear mind and regret wasting time and energy feeling miserable. 

What's wrong with celebrating Valentine's day another day? I've done it before. It's actually nice! More time, less pressure to enjoy a special date.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Sounds as if he really loves you. You are blessed but can't see it..


I think Diana is 100% correct here. 

Snowbum, I think you need to get yourself sorted. I think you need help. If you don’t want medication, I certainly understand that. Please seek some professional help. I empathize with your depression. It hits me at times too.

it sounds like you have a high quality man in your life. Don’t throw it away. He loves you. It’s time for you to start loving yourself and then reciprocating his feelings for you.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If you’re not in therapy, you need to find someone. If you’re already in therapy, you need to tell him/her that it isn’t helping you. Look back over your threads.


----------



## Angie?or… (Nov 15, 2021)

Just adding another voice saying please get help. I was extremely resistant to antidepressants, but they have been a lifesaver for me. Worth trying, and some are less likely to cause weight gain than others. I use a website called Brightside which will match you with an online psychiatrist and therapist and they use an algorithm which helps them pick the best antidepressant choices for you based on your answers to questions about your symptoms, family history and side effect concerns.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Dh won't go to counseling. Says its on me. I mentioned Valentines Day is on MOnday. He said he's golfing and why shouldn't he? I told him because I want to spend the evening with him. He said to pick another day, the date doesn't matter.
> 
> I'm thinking of cashing retirement to fund a place.


You are a total mess and wallowing in self pity. This is on you. You aren't going to help your husband by leaving him, it is just for your benefit, or so you seem to think. You have never posted anything that sounds like he doesn't want you, it is only in your messed up head. You genuinely need psychiatric help. Maybe it is hormonal, but I think there is more going on than just that. Please get help, and maybe tell your husband what you are going through to see if he can help you organize the assistance you need.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I don't want the weight gain and zombie effect. My daughter had no emotion at all on them


you have a younger daughter on HRT? 
or are you calling any sort of hormone medicine HRT? 
why would SHE need it?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I don't want the weight gain and zombie effect. My daughter had no emotion at all on them


Most anti depressants dont have those effects. There are many different ones available. You seem to be trying to find excuses not to help yourself.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> That itself isn't.
> 
> It's a virtual bar league golf. It's the fact he'd rather be at bar on Valentine's Day, when the other half of the group cancelled to hang out with their wives. He's part of a 4 some. He said why cancel- what's Valentine's Day? so I'll be at work at 6 am and hell come home at 10pm. That's the problem


So arrange something for the day before or day after.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

alright, enough of hollering at the OP.
how about some constructive ideas.

when your husband is in the shower next time, enter the shower too, and offer to scrub his back. all guys like that.
and after that, make sure his private parts are sparkling clean too!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> you have a younger daughter on HRT?
> or are you calling any sort of hormone medicine HRT?
> why would SHE need it?


I think she meant antidepressants.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Another idea....invite yourself golfing with him on valentines day.
and yes, that means you will have to go to the bar and drink alcohol too, in case you were going to spout off on that


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Anti depressants are literally life savers for many.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> you have a younger daughter on HRT?
> or are you calling any sort of hormone medicine HRT?
> why would SHE need it?


She is talking about anti-depressants, not HRT.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I hit rock bottom and have emergency consultation in an hour. Doing whatever they say to do.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I hit rock bottom and have emergency consultation in an hour. Doing whatever they say to do.


GOOD (about getting consultation).
things are def not as bad as they seem to be! and a pro counselor will help you to see that. 
Seriously, things are going to get better, starting 1 hour from now!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I hit rock bottom and have emergency consultation in an hour. Doing whatever they say to do.


Good news. If they recommend taking medication please do. If they recommend hrt take it. They will all help.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> alright, enough of hollering at the OP.
> how about some constructive ideas.
> 
> when your husband is in the shower next time, enter the shower too, and offer to scrub his back. all guys like that.
> and after that, make sure his private parts are sparkling clean too!


She needs medical intervention.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I saw a counselor for 6 months. Got nothing from it. I am looking for a new one.

I really am not a "nut job". 6 months ago I'd say my husband and I would rate our marriage 8.5/10.

Now I feel he's still a 10 and I rate myself a 6, despite losing 2 pant sizes. Clearly I need to do something. 

It's not easy to share how awful I feel. I'm completely disgusted and embarrased of what I've become. I know it's not normal,and all I do is cry when I'm alone and think about what I let myself become. My husband deserves, and should have better than what I currently am.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I realize I come off as a nut job. The thing is, that's not who I was less than a year ago makes me feel worse.

I hope in 4-6 weeks I can post a positive update. That is what I want. I want to be the light hearted person I was. I won't post again unless I can post a happy update. I know I need medical help and seeking it now.

Just need good thoughts, not hearing what a freak I am. Like I don't know that.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> alright, enough of hollering at the OP.
> how about some constructive ideas.
> 
> when your husband is in the shower next time, enter the shower too, and offer to scrub his back. all guys like that.
> and after that, make sure his private parts are sparkling clean too!


STOP with the sex advice for people with very serious emotional and/or relationship issues. You ideas are good for people with a mostly happy, loving, sexually satisfying marriage. But they are the absolute wrong ideas for people with major emotional and sexual disconnects and conflicts.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I realize I come off as a nut job. The thing is, that's not who I was less than a year ago makes me feel worse.
> 
> I hope in 4-6 weeks I can post a positive update. That is what I want. I want to be the light hearted person I was. I won't post again unless I can post a happy update. I know I need medical help and seeking it now.
> 
> Just need good thoughts, not hearing what a freak I am. Like I don't know that.


I understand that, but it's frustrating for people to give you good thoughts and helpful ideas, and then you reject them and refuse to listen.

THAT is when people say, YOU NEED HELP...no one said you are a nut job or a freak...that is YOU projecting and exaggerating again.

And if any of these posts are what is motivating you to seek real help, they are what you need to hear.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I saw a counselor for 6 months. Got nothing from it. I am looking for a new one.
> 
> I really am not a "nut job". 6 months ago I'd say my husband and I would rate our marriage 8.5/10.
> 
> ...


Explain what "looking for a new one" means to you -- are you making phone calls every day? Have you set up any new appointments with a new counselor?

How often did you go to your other counselor? You need weekly or more appointments, not once every two weeks or a month.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I'm calling a few times a week. I was able to see a counselor once a week. Wait times for behavioral health are 4-7 weeks here. Most are virtual. That didn't work. Looking for a new one means calling clinics willing to accept new patients, which are not many. When I sought counseling initially, I had to wait three weeks. The person I see now is reducing hours and only seeing patients every 2 weeks.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Counselors here do not see clients more than once per week , and often urge bimonthly appointments. 

If I need to take antidpressants, I will.

I eat well. Salad (lettuce, carrots, celery, minimal dressing at lunch), a carrot or string cheese for snack. I spend almost an hour working out 5/7 days per week.

I need to lose weight. Hearing comments on how men are turned off by "big women" which I am ( size 12) really f#cks me up. I already focus on exercise. I do not buy candy, ice cream, or junk food. I haven't made a sandwich in months. I'm aware of my weight. Right now I can not handle fat shaming. I'm fat. I know I should weight 110. I don't . I'm trying to deal with one thing at a time.

Unless you dealt with unexpected, crippling depression, in which you'd rather die than displease your spouse, you don't know. You DO NOT KNOW. 

I'm going to the doctor. I'm dealing with this. If it doesn't work, I don't know. I hope it does. I get notihing out of feeling like ****. Who wants to feel like ****? Who gets off feeling like nothing?

I don't .

I'm open about my struggle. I hope I come out the other end. I'm still here and battling. I still have a shred of hope that I'll look back and be glad I'm not there. But just a shred. Enough to drive to the dr. And nothing else.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Oh @snowbum, you don’t realize how good and normal you really are. You are not a nut case, whatever that really means. You are struggling right now, like many of us do, doing the best you can at this very moment. Kudos to you for reaching out, here and in real life, and searching for ways to heal. Many people don’t even try, and suffer past remembering there were better days.

Depression and anxiety are real things, that visit us uninvited. It takes time to learn how to handle them, find energy, and convince them to leave. You’re gaining traction, even if it does not yet feel like you’re moving forward.

But most of all, I want you to know your goodness and worth and natural state shine through in your posts. I’m confident you can find your way forward, and get back to where your daily experience is contentment and your natural true self.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> Counselors here do not see clients more than once per week , and often urge bimonthly appointments.
> 
> If I need to take antidpressants, I will.
> 
> ...


I am sure the HRT and anti-depressants will help immensely. The latter take about a week to ten days to work so be prepared for that. 
Many men love their wives who aren't stick thin. He clearly loves you as you are and that's all that matters. Some men are so shallow.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

PieceOfSky said:


> Oh @snowbum, you don’t realize how good and normal you really are. You are not a nut case, whatever that really means. You are struggling right now, like many of us do, doing the best you can at this very moment. Kudos to you for reaching out, here and in real life, and searching for ways to heal. Many people don’t even try, and suffer past remembering there were better days.
> 
> Depression and anxiety are real things, that visit us uninvited. It takes time to learn how to handle them, find energy, and convince them to leave. You’re gaining traction, even if it does not yet feel like you’re moving forward.
> 
> But most of all, I want you to know your goodness and worth and natural state shine through in your posts. I’m confident you can find your way forward, and get back to where your daily experience is contentment and your natural true self.


Thank you. Those are kindest words I've heard in 6 months. I appreciate them. I hope this is my low. Because I can't imagine lower than this. thank you.


----------



## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I'm not a dr but ground flax seeds have helped my wife (53) with her hot flashes, moister issues & mood; ask your Dr; here is a link.








What Are Flaxseed Supplements?


WebMD explains the uses and side effects of flaxseed oil, which may help with symptoms of menopause and lower cholesterol.




www.webmd.com




menopause is listed in the link

goggle has more; I've read that it does not work for all.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@snowbum 

Have you tried any natural supplements?

When I went through menopause, I used a progesterone cream that I got at a local store (It's now Sprouts) that sells a lot of health supplements. It's over the counter. When I used it the hot flashes and most other issues went away. I know a lot of women who used it and swear by it.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I need to lose weight. Hearing comments on how men are turned off by "big women" which I am ( size 12) really f#cks me up.


that is just not true. 
a lot of men PREFER larger women!
i could point to sites where they post about their desires....


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> I'm not a dr but ground flax seeds have helped my wife (53) with her hot flashes, moister issues & mood; ask your Dr; here is a link.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Soya milk is supposed to be good also.


----------



## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Oh sweetheart, this current version of you is not the real you. It's the effed up hormones taking over.
I recognise a lot of this thinking from my own menopause. I was suicidal, a mess but I'm out of the darkness now and you will be too.
Hang in there.
Get whatever help you can, as there seems to be quite a serious imbalance at the moment, and you need good support.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EveningThoughts said:


> Oh sweetheart, this current version of you is not the real you. It's the effed up hormones taking over.
> I recognise a lot of this thinking from my own menopause. I was suicidal, a mess but I'm out of the darkness now and you will be too.
> Hang in there.
> Get whatever help you can, as there seems to be quite a serious imbalance at the moment, and you need good support.


This is why HRT is so good to prevent these awful symptoms.


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I think people probably shouldn't give medical advice on these types of forums..I guess its ok to offer personal experiences, but I would be careful to tell people to take meds or anything without obvious evaluations by pro's.. Some SSRI's are actually deadly and can make a person even worse off than they were before taking them...SPeak to the pros, and carefully weigh all options before taking that route...I believe it's an absolute last resort, but that's me...I still would tell someone to get proper advice..

It's not fun for any guy to want to eff a woman that is a complete wet blanket...Its the ultimate boner killer...I get it, that the lack of attraction or pursuing from a partner just sends someone further down that rat hole, but you have to try to figure out how to lift that black cloud...Its putting a giant red light on your forehead...when it comes to sex..

There are surprising non medicinal ways to accomplish this, and what works for some people don't necessarily work for others...Like for example, many years ago, when I found myself in a dark place, one thing that really helped was getting a music service(satellite radio, Spotify, etc) that allowed me to better handle it...I also have my animals which are always a mood lifter...Foods, etc.. Heck, even therapeutic baths, all helps....

Menopause is inevitable as death or taxes, so its not like you didn't think this would happen, but there are millions of women enjoying sex, and living their lives to their fullest...And without that monthly crap you had to deal with, also a big plus...

Hang in there, you just got to get that cloud to lift ...


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> I think people probably shouldn't give medical advice on these types of forums..I guess its ok to offer personal experiences, but I would be careful to tell people to take meds or anything without obvious evaluations by pro's.. Some SSRI's are actually deadly and can make a person even worse off than they were before taking them...SPeak to the pros, and carefully weigh all options before taking that route...I believe it's an absolute last resort, but that's me...I still would tell someone to get proper advice..
> 
> It's not fun for any guy to want to eff a woman that is a complete wet blanket...Its the ultimate boner killer...I get it, that the lack of attraction or pursuing from a partner just sends someone further down that rat hole, but you have to try to figure out how to lift that black cloud...Its putting a giant red light on your forehead...when it comes to sex..
> 
> ...


I don't think you realize how awful the menopause is for many women and how drastically it effects them physically and mentally.


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I don't think you realize how awful the menopause is for many women and how drastically it effects them physically and mentally.



Did you know that there is a thing called andropause?? I bet you didn't...

Getting old period is awful....the answer isn't always in a bottle, or an injection... I am not saying it's not advisable, but it's probably best to leave the specific medical advice to doctors and other professionals..


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I don't think you realize how awful the menopause is for many women and how drastically it effects them physically and mentally.


I've been following this thread in learning mode for this exact reason.

OP, I'm pulling for you. I can't imagine (literally) what you're going through.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> Did you know that there is a thing called andropause?? I bet you didn't...
> 
> Getting old period is awful....the answer isn't always in a bottle, or an injection... I am not saying it's not advisable, but it's probably best to leave the specific medical advice to doctors and other professionals..


Its not just about getting old with the menopause. Far from it. It's all hormones messing things up.
That's why things like hrt are a real blessing.
Some people sail through it and some have a dreadful time and suffer from severe depression and terrible mood swings as well as the awful hot flushes, night sweats etc.
There is a high rate of suicide in women of menopausal age.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> ......There are surprising non medicinal ways to accomplish this, and what works for some people don't necessarily work for others...Like for example, many years ago, when I found myself in a dark place, one thing that really helped was getting a music service(satellite radio, Spotify, etc) that allowed me to better handle it...I also have my animals which are always a mood lifter...Foods, etc.. Heck, even therapeutic baths, all helps....


there is a serious Harvard Medical school study on how 30 minutes of aerobic exercise each morning pretty much cures depression in most people....


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I run 4.5 miles 5 days a week. I'm exercising 57minutes per day. So I know the exercise thing, which is why I'm doing it. I'm training for a 1.2 marathon. 
57 minutes hasn't helped me.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I resisted meds because of potential weight gain. Didn't make it easier to accept the need after reading people call me fat. But if it's feeling worthless for fat, I guess it's the least of the 2 evls.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> Counselors here do not see clients more than once per week , and often urge bimonthly appointments.
> 
> If I need to take antidpressants, I will.
> 
> ...


Holy moly your posts depress me. It makes me sad to see how little value to have for yourself. How you are just kind of deciding for your husband he is better off without you. It's sad. You're having a midlife crisis complicated by depression, with a topper of extremely low self esteem. 

You need the doctor and you need a psychiatrist millions of people need this kind of help at one point, I have. You sound like a very good wife who cares deeply for her husband. That alone makes you a catch in my book. You eat well and exercise, sure you've put on a little weight because of age and hormonal changes, now you're a very good wife who cares for her husband and puts in effort to take care of herself, even better so often the effort is way more important than the results. Who says a woman in her 50s with a little extra padding can't be sexy? Of course they can. 90% of sexiness is attitude and from things I have seen you post you have all the ingredients needed to be a very sexy 50 plus woman. 

Your brain is betraying you, it's lying to you do not believe this BS it's telling you that your husband would prefer a younger hotter woman, it is not true, I promise it is not true.

Us men can be goofy cavemen sometimes and these thoughts in your head may be supported by some guys talking silly stuff about wanting to trade up for a newer model. The reality is most of us do not want that, we want our wives, your husband wants you not some 25 year old girl.

You are doing the right things, this will get better. Be kind to yourself


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I resisted meds because of potential weight gain. *Didn't make it easier to accept the need after reading people call me fat. * But if it's feeling worthless for fat, I guess it's the least of the 2 evls.


Who called you fat??


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> you should investigate bioidentical seeds for HRT.
> normally i would recommend this so the hubby can still get some sex, but in this case YOU really need the sex! it seems to be a very important part of who you view yourself to be


Bioidentical can be very unreliable. I would hesitate to use them.


snowbum said:


> I realize I come off as a nut job. The thing is, that's not who I was less than a year ago makes me feel worse.
> 
> I hope in 4-6 weeks I can post a positive update. That is what I want. I want to be the light hearted person I was. I won't post again unless I can post a happy update. I know I need medical help and seeking it now.
> 
> Just need good thoughts, not hearing what a freak I am. Like I don't know that.


It really sounds like you are having a horrible time with menopause. I suggest you do some reading about menopause. HRT can be very good. Look into the types that are available and check their safety. There are some excellent options out there for women who need it. You are certainly better off on HRT than dead from suicide. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I think you need the straight facts. I am concerned for your life right now.

It also sounds to me that your issues are a combination of how your husband treats you and the extreme trouble you are having with menopause. Some of the things you said about him are concerning. He says one thing, but his actions do not match. This is contributing to how horrible you are feeling.

Hang in there. Don't stop posting. This can be a helpful and encouraging place. Many people come here because they care about others and want to help you. You aren't bothering any of us.

I'm very sorry about anyone fat shaming you. Being fat or thin does not determine your value or even your attractiveness. Eating well and exercising is certainly good for you and should be continued, so you can be healthy. Your body size does not determine your worth. I know this is very hard to believe, but it's true. Love your body and treat it with good food and exercise, because you love it and want to care for it well.

Keep posting. We care about you and want to help you through this.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> there is a serious Harvard Medical school study on how 30 minutes of aerobic exercise each morning pretty much cures depression in most people....


It depends on whether it's just 'the blues' or severe clinical depression or something in between. It certainly wouldn't make any difference for severe depression.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Holy moly your posts depress me. It makes me sad to see how little value to have for yourself. How you are just kind of deciding for your husband he is better off without you. It's sad. You're having a midlife crisis complicated by depression, with a topper of extremely low self esteem.
> 
> You need the doctor and you need a psychiatrist millions of people need this kind of help at one point, I have. You sound like a very good wife who cares deeply for her husband. That alone makes you a catch in my book. You eat well and exercise, sure you've put on a little weight because of age and hormonal changes, now you're a very good wife who cares for her husband and puts in effort to take care of herself, even better so often the effort is way more important than the results. Who says a woman in her 50s with a little extra padding can't be sexy? Of course they can. 90% of sexiness is attitude and from things I have seen you post you have all the ingredients needed to be a very sexy 50 plus woman.
> 
> ...


I do believe that. I look forward to sharing the update and light at the end of the tunnel.


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Another thing.....and this may get me in trouble with the mods...

When you are down, often times the magic answers don't lie on sites like these...Besides your own pain, there are depressing stories every day that get presented on here, and when you read them and dwell on them, it just makes it harder...I'm not even paying a lot of attention, but you have started numerous topics.. I think I even triggered you a few weeks ago by a very bland and generic comment...

People are well intentioned, but they don't know you, and really aren't all that invested...Sure, everyone wants to try to help, but at the end of the day, it won't mean much if what worked for them wont work for you...

I am not saying don't do it entirely, but sometimes you need to shut the noise off for a while...Focus on positive stuff....I may not make your troubles disappear, but gets you away from depressing crap for a while..


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

snowbum said:


> *Update: Saw doctor. Will go back in 2 weeks.* Starting Lexapro. If that doesn't help in a month I start HRT patches. The dr. told me at this point *I'm very close to needing intensive therapy in clinical setting*. ........
> Edit
> 
> I have an *emergency appointment with my gynecologis*t. I am going to be completely honest about everything I've been dealing with.
> ...


A few brief thoughts. 

First when you talk to your various medical professionals ask them if they have any recommendations for both individual counselors for you and marriage counselors or sex therapists for who you and your husband can work with.

Second it will take time to heal physically and emotionally. Don't expect an immediate change in two months. This will tak 6 months to a year for you to regain things and that is if you are luck and really work at it.

Third, don't make decisions on behalf of our husband without consulting him. In theory the two of you are married and means you are each committed to trying to make your marriage work. He may want to make the marriage work far more than you do. 

Finally, don't underestimate naturopathic doctors, when i comes to HRT. They are much more in tune with Hormorne replacement options than traditional doctors. Let me share a little bit about myself. I had low testorsterone levels and started male HRT with my MD. It started off well, but then I felt like I was being ripsawed around by my medical insurance company. The Insurance companies have "standards" that they will and will not pay for. For me they started me out on Androgel 1% gel. Later when there was a generic brand that refused to pay for the name brand. OK, so the doctor switched me to the generic. The problem was that the carrier solution in the gel changed and so did the absorbion rate. With the same dose of the generic, by T levels dropped way too low. It took 8 months of adjustment to get them back to where they should be. Then in a surprise move the medical insurance company said it would not pay for the generic, but would only pay for Androgel 1.8% gel. Ok, so we tried that. Again a new carrier solution and so it took another 8 moths or so of adjusting the dose for a month or so and getting blood tests to dial me in on another dosage. Based on my T-level readings, my MD wanted to prescribe a slightly higher does of the new HRT medicine and the insurancr company refused. They would only partially pay for a dosage that would result in below normal T levels. 

So I started talking to people and doing research. I found that while my insurance company would make it difficult to reimburse me for it, there were compounding pharmacies that would mix up an HRT formula that could have the same carrier each and every time and I could basically have the same medication for as long as I could get a prescription. I also learned in talking to a naturopathic doctor that not only the carrier compound but the application site make a huge difference in the absorption rate of the hormone being replaced. I spend some time with a combination naturopathing doctor who also had an MD getting my T levels and doesage all worked out. The cost of the compounding pharmacy i was almost the same as the insurance company copays for the Androgel 1.8. 

For women, one of the HRT fear factors is potential cancer. Well there are different HRT hormones and formulas. Some are actually shown to reduct cancer risk in women. Most MD's don't know that, but there are a lot of naturopathic doctors that do. You might want to check it out.

Good luck. The Covid Mandates and crisis appear to be easing and hopefully life will start returning to what it use to be. Focus on a brighter tomorrow.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I would say, go for the anti-depressants and carry on losing weight. I can see menopause is affecting you badly, but don't turn into my wife please. She chose not to see a therapist, went through menopause and decided to break our marriage because she is clearly disgusted with her body and doesn't want to have sex any more. You have the power to change things.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

snowbum said:


> Update: Saw doctor. Will go back in 2 weeks. Starting Lexapro. If that doesn't help in a month I start HRT patches. The dr. told me at this point I'm very close to needing intensive therapy in clinical setting. So this is a step from that with the hope in a month I won't be in the place I'm at. There's no drama or joy derived in feeling like this. She said from her observation I'm going 5 minutes to the next five minutes. Right now life sucks.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If the doctor puts you on hrt you could tell if it's that or not. It does seem a coincidence that it's happened at the same time as the menopause. If it is then you may not need the other medication for long. The good thing is that you are finally getting help. In the coming weeks it's almost certain that you will feel so much better and more like your old self. You will then stop getting these thoughts if ending your marriage. 

Hang on in there. I had severe clinical depression in my 30's
It's horrible I know.☹


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

snowbum said:


> Counselors here do not see clients more than once per week , and often urge bimonthly appointments.
> 
> If I need to take antidpressants, I will.
> 
> ...


Can I point something else out. You mentioned above that you eat well (a salad with carrots and cheese for a snack) plus you're working out 5-7 days a week for an hour.

Did you ever think a major part of what's going on with you is you have a HUGE deficiency in Vitamins and minerals that all of us need to function properly?

You sure aren't getting these from what you're eating. For example, a lot of B vitamins (1, 2, 3, 6 & 9) help with the transportation of neurotransmitters in the brain and when you're deficient with these it will cause depression and anxiety. B1 specifically helps with the Biochemical balance in your brain. A lack of Vitamin D causes depression as well.

You also are working out and more than likely aren't replacing your body with electrolytes. Yes menopause can be at play here but it seems to me your electrical system isn't firing correctly because you're not giving it the proper vitamins and minerals it needs to function properly.

I bet your whole system is out of whack and you're low on iron, zinc, Magnesium and countless other vitamins and thus you're paying the price. Can't focus, jumping from thought to thought, majorly depressed, anxious, not making sense, distorted reality, and on and on it goes.

It might behoove you to see a damn good nutritionist, go to your Dr and get a full panel of your blood work done, all with the intent of implementing a nutrition plan that will give your body what it needs to function properly.

I bet all of this is effecting your sleep as well. That you're not getting good REM sleep which will make things even worse.

As others have said, you've been given good advice but you choose to ignore it. The answers you're seeking could be in these areas.

How's starving yourself and not eating correctly working out for you?


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sideways said:


> Can I point something else out. You mentioned above that you eat well (a salad with carrots and cheese for a snack) plus you're working out 5-7 days a week for an hour.
> 
> Did you ever think a major part of what's going on with you is you have a HUGE deficiency in Vitamins and minerals that all of us need to function properly?
> 
> ...


that is a good point.
do you already take any prescription drugs *which MIGHT have side effects?*
Like do you take any anti-cholesterol drugs?


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

BTW size 12 if you’re around 5’4” is slimmer than average in the US and also in the overweight BMI range but not obese. It’s “chubby”. A lot of men like this.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

To answer a few questions, I am not on any prescription medication and never have been other than antibiotics. Number 2, I do take iron and a multivitamin/bcomplex.

I am working with a midlife transition NP


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

snowbum said:


> To answer a few questions, I am not on any prescription medication and never have been other than antibiotics. Number 2, I do take iron and a multivitamin/bcomplex.
> 
> I am working with a midlife transition NP


Taking a multivitamin will not cut it.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

sideways said:


> Taking a multivitamin will not cut it.


And the brand of multivitamin REALLY matters. Anyone taking Centrum, for example, is throwing their money down the toilet.

Also, we all need natural fats for proper hormone function (among other benefits), so Flax Seed oil, or similar is very important. I would also recommend putting sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds on your salad every day.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

LisaDiane said:


> And the brand of multivitamin REALLY matters. Anyone taking Centrum, for example, is throwing their money down the toilet.
> 
> Also, we all need natural fats for proper hormone function (among other benefits), so Flax Seed oil, or similar is very important. I would also recommend putting sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds on your salad every day.


True. I noticed the food list said something about minimal dressing on the salad, but fat is essential for absorbing the nutrients in vegetables. Here's an article I wrote on the subject: Why You Should Add Fat to Your Smoothie | The Feminine Review: Homemaking, Family and the World


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Cynthia said:


> I noticed the food list said something about minimal dressing on the salad, but fat is essential for absorbing the nutrients in vegetables


A lot of times I will add nuts to a salad, probably accomplishes the same thing.


----------



## Angie?or… (Nov 15, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> And the brand of multivitamin REALLY matters. Anyone taking Centrum, for example, is throwing their money down the toilet.
> 
> Also, we all need natural fats for proper hormone function (among other benefits), so Flax Seed oil, or similar is very important. I would also recommend putting sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds on your salad every day.


My doctor recommended Centrum Silver. Do you have a source for why it is useless?


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Angie?or… said:


> My doctor recommended Centrum Silver. Do you have a source for why it is useless?


Doctors recommend Centrum because it's made by Pfizer, so they get kickbacks for doing that.
Most of the information I have comes from information I read before the internet, but one thing that was a huge joke in the supplement world back in the 90s was put a Centrum in a glass of water and watch it NEVER dissolve.

Here is a quick article I found about it -- 








The Truth Behind Centrum: Supplement Or Chemical Cocktail?


Our doctors recommend it, but what's the truth about Centrum supplements? Are they good for us, or just a chemical cocktail?




www.meghantelpner.com





Here is part of what she writes...
_*Centrum is made by Pfizer, one of the companies making that 70% of pharmaceuticals that Americans are on. Pfizer published 2015 profits coming in at 48 billion. In case you were wondering, that looks like this: $48,000,000,000.00. I would never go so far as to suggest that they make shoddy supplements to keep consumers needing their medications, but they are making shoddy supplements.*_
*
Centrum has massive sampling programs. With the same access to doctors offices as pharmaceutical sales reps, it’s no wonder that it is the most recommended supplement by doctors. They get boxes of samples to dish out. Is it the best multi-vitamin available? Definitely not. Is it worth taking? Nope, probably not, unless you’re hoping for purely the placebo benefit. All supplements are simply not created equally.*


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> I'm not on HRT yet. My gyn cancelled my appointment due to emergencency and can't see me until March. I was also a midlevel drive and went higher. Dh has been initiating. I'm just living in my head, can't sleep, feel like why would someone want a 50 year old when there are fitter younger women. I feel like I've lost me.
> 
> If i gain weight on meds, I will be hugely fat. I can't deal with that. That would be worse.
> 
> I almost feel like divorce is better than becoming obese because who'd want that? Sure, I'd be numb or coping, but I'd be a turn off sexually. so a functioning overweight, nonsexy person or someone that lets dh live a normal life . I know Im the problem. He shouldn't have to live with it.


Typically gain weight by not taking HRT. My wife is loosing. The testosterone will keep up your muscle mass to keep burning calories. You can go to many urologists or other wellness clinics that will prescribe HRT. Many OBGYNs are too afraid to prescribe because they don't know anything other than to throw estrogen at you and hope it alleviates some of the symptoms. If the Dr does not give you estrodial, bio-identical progesterone and testosterone....go else where.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> I realize I come off as a nut job. The thing is, that's not who I was less than a year ago makes me feel worse.
> 
> I hope in 4-6 weeks I can post a positive update. That is what I want. I want to be the light hearted person I was. I won't post again unless I can post a happy update. I know I need medical help and seeking it now.
> 
> Just need good thoughts, not hearing what a freak I am. Like I don't know that.


May just be HRT issue. Hormones will totally screw your head up. A psych Dr said my wife was bi-polar and put her on Lamictal, a mood stabilizer. That crap really screwed her up mentally.

Her oncologist said to quit that crap and got her hormones regulated. Said you would not believe the numbers of women diagnosed as bi-polar or depressed and put on psych meds and the only issue is their hormones are whacked!

My wife has been GTG since, new woman and marriage is 👍.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> Typically gain weight by not taking HRT. My wife is loosing. The testosterone will keep up your muscle mass to keep burning calories. You can go to many urologists or other wellness clinics that will prescribe HRT. Many OBGYNs are too afraid to prescribe because they don't know anything other than to throw estrogen at you and hope it alleviates some of the symptoms. If the Dr does not give you estrodial, bio-identical progesterone and testosterone....go else where.


Oestrogen does relieve the symptoms. That's why it's given and why someone many are on it.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Oestrogen does relieve the symptoms. That's why it's given and why someone many are on it.


I know, my wife has been on HRT for 10+. Estrodial usually does not relieve all of them though.


----------

