# very simple question



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

ladies would you ask a man out , straight up no flirting and running around the bush , yes or no 
if no why not , 
it is hard to say there is not good men out there if you don't take the bull by the horns and ask the man you like 
and not wait and hope he comes to you


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

frenchpaddy said:


> ladies would you ask a man out , straight up no flirting and running around the bush , yes or no
> if no why not ,
> it is hard to say there is not good men out there if you don't take the bull by the horns and ask the man you like
> and not wait and hope he comes to you


Call me old fashioned but for me, it's a definite no. There's are many ways to show interest but straight up asking men out is not one of them. 

Where I live, women who do this are labeled easy or desperate. It encourages incorrect assumptions. 

I am also not interested in a female-lead relationship. In my experience, women who lead initially end up leading throughout.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Well I met my husband on OLD and I sent the first message. Not quite the same but sometimes you have to be proactive.


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Lila said:


> In my experience, women who lead initially end up leading throughout.


Bingo. And I won’t do that again. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Two lines of thought here. And I've employed both. 

One, if he's not interested enough and noticing you enough and man enough to ask you out, all you're going to get is a weak indecisive scared rabbit OR one who isn't even physically attracted to you and set yourself up for a quick wham-bam thank you ma'am. I was always one to talk to someone I was attracted to if it were at all feasible, but more than once, it was a mistake. One was a lot of wasted time on a closeted gay guy. The other had a booth at an antique mall and was just going along hoping I'd buy something. Others, it was clear were lackluster and just not interested. 

The other line of thought is your only real hope is to find common ground if possible so you have reason to talk to them and they to you, a common interest. If you don't have that, don't waste your time. I've met plenty of guys from being around them due to common interest.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Two lines of thought here. And I've employed both.
> 
> One, if he's not interested enough and noticing you enough and man enough to ask you out, all you're going to get is a weak indecisive scared rabbit OR one who isn't even physically attracted to you and set yourself up for a quick wham-bam thank you ma'am. I was always one to talk to someone I was attracted to if it were at all feasible, but more than once, it was a mistake. One was a lot of wasted time on a closeted gay guy. The other had a booth at an antique mall and was just going along hoping I'd buy something. Others, it was clear were lackluster and just not interested.
> 
> The other line of thought is your only real hope is to find common ground if possible so you have reason to talk to them and they to you, a common interest. If you don't have that, don't waste your time. I've met plenty of guys from being around them due to common interest.


ro the third he thinks she is super hot and thinks he has not a hope of her saying yes , lol


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> ro the third he thinks she is super hot and thinks he has not a hope of her saying yes , lol


Well, I don't know about her, but I don't want a weak scared rabbit type anyway, so...


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

or be a guy that askes everyone he sees in the hope one bites , you know the type one line wonder 


DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, I don't know about her, but I don't want a weak scared rabbit type anyway, so...


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

with dating sites now I think women would not mind been the first to make a move ,, i went to Holland once and the women there would not hold back it was built into them


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Lila said:


> Call me old fashioned but for me, it's a definite no. There's are many ways to show interest but straight up asking men out is not one of them.
> 
> Where I live, women who do this are labeled easy or desperate. It encourages incorrect assumptions.
> 
> I am also not interested in a female-lead relationship. In my experience, women who lead initially end up leading throughout.


What are some things you would do to show interest? There is always the line where a guy thinks a woman is showing interest, but turns out, she’s just being friendly, and it creates an awkward moment.


----------



## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Lila said:


> Call me old fashioned but for me, it's a definite no. There's are many ways to show interest but straight up asking men out is not one of them.
> 
> Where I live, women who do this are labeled easy or desperate. It encourages incorrect assumptions.
> 
> I am also not interested in a female-lead relationship. In my experience, women who lead initially end up leading throughout.


Old fashion or not I think that's accurate. Banter and flirting are fine but even then if over done can come across as desperate.


----------



## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> ladies would you ask a man out , straight up no flirting and running around the bush , yes or no
> if no why not ,
> it is hard to say there is not good men out there if you don't take the bull by the horns and ask the man you like
> and not wait and hope he comes to you


If I knew a man was single and I was interested I think I would. Why not? Worst he can say is no. 🤷🏼‍♀️


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

frenchpaddy said:


> ladies would you ask a man out , straight up no flirting and running around the bush , yes or no
> if no why not ,
> it is hard to say there is not good men out there if you don't take the bull by the horns and ask the man you like
> and not wait and hope he comes to you


Generally no, but if I knew we were both interested I certainly would and did. I asked my b/f out on a last-minute date b/c he was taking too bloody long to "get comfortable" enough to ask, though we were clearly both interested and not at all shy about expressing that interest. I was supposed to go out with someone else who canceled (I said yes to jog my bf into action) and he accepted with alacrity, knowing it was now or never. 

Granted, my motivations for dating at the time were less "wholesome" than most women commenting here , but we've been together for 18 months and starting to get closer. I shared the concern that it would be a female-led relationship, and he would be too passive, but I made it clear I was not looking for that. However, I am not interested in a male-led relationship either, I've always wanted an equal meeting of minds and bodies (giggity )

I'm not particularly old-fashioned though I do like some traditions, however, if you are too passive, life will happen to you and you'll always be suffering the consequences of someone else's actions (or lack thereof). I think women should ask men out if they're interested, the worst they can say is no. My exH was the most ardent pursuer ever, but soooooo passive in our relationship, so I don't think that waiting for a man to ask you out guarantees a woman not to set the tone forever.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> ladies would you ask a man out , straight up no flirting and running around the bush , yes or no
> if no why not ,
> it is hard to say there is not good men out there if you don't take the bull by the horns and ask the man you like
> and not wait and hope he comes to you


I did ask my husband out. I also brought up marriage first and not beat around the bush. I straight up said. For Christmas you could marry me.

I like it when a man takes charge. I like it when a man pursues me. I like feeling wanted. But I saw what I wanted and I went for it. 27 years later I don't regret it.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> or be a guy that askes everyone he sees in the hope one bites , you know the type one line wonder


Oh yeah. I've certainly met some guys who hit on just about everyone. I think that's still preferable.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

southbound said:


> What are some things you would do to show interest? There is always the line where a guy thinks a woman is showing interest, but turns out, she’s just being friendly, and it creates an awkward moment.


Yeah you can't ever count on it because women are kind of programmed to be nice to a lot of people they have no attraction to whatsoever because they're just nice. 

I would just say if you have anything in common with them go ahead and ask them out but be prepared for a turn down and don't do it at work.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

When you ask a guy out of course you're taking the same risks that they take when they ask women out. One of those risks and especially if there's a guy around that you think might be interested but he hasn't asked you out yet, is he may still be involved with someone and be thinking that when he isn't he will ask you out. But then if you ask him out and he can't say no, he's now put yourself in the position of being the other woman. And I know times have changed a lot since my dating days but I think if anything guys are more judgy now than they were then and that if you come on to them, a lot of them just assume you're going to have sex with them. As long as you have a thick skin and are able to deal with all that stuff as you go and not just get hung up on every guy you ask out then go for it. But I just feel like you have to have some common interest with them to avoid some of that stuff. 

And there's also ways to see a guy again without directly asking them out. My crowd was into music, so you didn't need to ask someone out. All you need to do was ask them if they were going to see so and so at such and such club on Friday. If they were interested in you they would surely come and they would feel comfortable coming up and talking to you since you talked to them already. You have something to talk about which is the music. It could be he was going to be there anyway and that's fine because the more times you see someone and are a little friendly and have a little contact with them, the more you get to know each other a little and let something develop organically. 

But he might show up just because you mentioned you're going to be there. 

Or if it's not music it can be whatever other active hobby you do. Where are you going to watch the game? We're going to such and such sports bar or so-and-so's house. Do you have a dog? Do you ever go to the dog park? I'm going on Wednesday afternoon.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

southbound said:


> What are some things you would do to show interest? There is always the line where a guy thinks a woman is showing interest, but turns out, she’s just being friendly, and it creates an awkward moment.


I am not one to toot my own horn but my top three qualities are 1) fantastic hair, 2) a sixth sense for danger, and 3) an engaging personality. Very few men have confused my friendly personality with me showing interest.

When I show interest, IMO it's pretty obvious. The friendly smile changes to pirate smile. I hold their line of sight longer. The topics of conversation become more personal. I will directly face the man I'm talking to and sit/stand closer. There's more physical contact. ( I would NEVER touch a friend or acquaintance except to give them a hug hello/good bye.). If the object of my interest doesn't reciprocate in kind, then he's not interested in me.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i can only imagine how hard it is for a woman to go up and ask out another woman , there should be nothing stopping a woman asking out a man , i think if a woman does ask a man out I think can would be well able to keep it in lines of just a date getting to know him in the exact same way as if it was he that asked her out , 
the first time I saw the woman that today id my wife i asked her for a dance she said not thanks god that knocked the wind out of me but I asked her a second time and ended up getting her number and had nothing to write it down , that was before mobile phones were around , she was surprised i was able think of her phone number when i called her a few days later ,


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Other than asking a man to be my date to some event like a wedding I can't say that I have ever asked a man out. 

Upon meeting a man I was interested in & was always adept at making it abundantly clear that I wanted to go out with him & inspiring him to ask me. 

Now in middle age, if I found myself single again I probably would be brave enough to ask. I hate this business about "leading". In a good relationship you both share the responsibility for the relationship


----------

