# Been married two monrhs to my hubby and we still haven't had sex....



## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

So my husband and i got married a little over two month ago well he was/is a virgin well anywho we still haven't had sex yet he says he is scared and worried and just nervous and doesn't feel comfortable for some reason. :scratchhead: IT isn't like i haven't seen him naked or anything so i don't know why he is so scared about having sex granted he is only 24 but i have never heard of any guy doing this before. I am just really unsure what to do and i am not sure how to approach him about this. Has anyone dealt with this before? Advice?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MarriedGirl_2007 said:


> So my husband and i got married a little over two month ago well he was/is a virgin well anywho we still haven't had sex yet he says he is scared and worried and just nervous and doesn't feel comfortable for some reason. :scratchhead: IT isn't like i haven't seen him naked or anything so i don't know why he is so scared about having sex granted he is only 24 but i have never heard of any guy doing this before. I am just really unsure what to do and i am not sure how to approach him about this. Has anyone dealt with this before? Advice?


Besides intercourse what other sexual activity have your shared so far? How much sexual experience do you have? Does he know how much experience you have? Are there religious reasons here. 24 seems a little old for a guy to be a virgin. Your user name is Married Girl 2007. What is the 2007 for?


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Besides intercourse what other sexual activity have your shared so far? How much sexual experience do you have? Does he know how much experience you have? Are there religious reasons here. 24 seems a little old for a guy to be a virgin. Your user name is Married Girl 2007. What is the 2007 for?


The 2007 is for when we first got together. Just Oral basically and i have only been with one other guy and yes he knows and yes we waited because of his religious beliefs.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

First of all, I think it is admirable that your husband remained a virgin till marriage. Also - I think your situation happens occasionally to men and women who because of religious reasons wait until marriage before having sex. They have worked hard to keep the switch off and then they find it hard (mentally) to feel OK about turning the switch on. For men, there can be a performance anxiety, especially if the wife has already had some experience in that area. He may be somewhat worried about not measuring up. 

If you haven't tried this yet - take intercourse completely off the table for awhile. Try doing Sensate Focus exercises (google it) and let him know that you will add the intercourse part only when he feels ready. No pressure!!! Be loving and touchy and get to know each others bodies through exploration. Hopefully you can work up to intercourse over time. I.E. do first base for awhile, then add second base, and then third, etc. See if it flows naturally from there. If not - I would definitely seek help from a sex therapist. You can find them in your area by googling AASECT. You can make sure the therapist will work within the frame of your religious beliefs, if that is a concern. 

Bottom line - Try not to get stressed and put pressure on him. The more relaxed and laid back that you both are about this, the better. Hopefully by removing the pressure he will be able to feel comfortable enough to let nature take its course. Good Luck!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mary35 said:


> First of all, I think it is admirable that your husband remained a virgin till marriage. Also - I think your situation happens occasionally to men and women who because of religious reasons wait until marriage before having sex. They have worked hard to keep the switch off and then they find it hard (mentally) to feel OK about turning the switch on. For men, there can be a performance anxiety, especially if the wife has already had some experience in that area. He may be somewhat worried about not measuring up.
> 
> If you haven't tried this yet - take intercourse completely off the table for awhile. Try doing Sensate Focus exercises (google it) and let him know that you will add the intercourse part only when he feels ready. No pressure!!! Be loving and touchy and get to know each others bodies through exploration. Hopefully you can work up to intercourse over time. I.E. do first base for awhile, then add second base, and then third, etc. See if it flows naturally from there. If not - I would definitely seek help from a sex therapist. You can find them in your area by googling AASECT. You can make sure the therapist will work within the frame of your religious beliefs, if that is a concern.
> 
> Bottom line - Try not to get stressed and put pressure on him. The more relaxed and laid back that you both are about this, the better. Hopefully by removing the pressure he will be able to feel comfortable enough to let nature take its course. Good Luck!


This is probably the most sane approach. If this does not work however, you may just have to get up on top of him and ravage him.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

The thing I have seen once too often is religious guys who wait are also into porn and then are sexually dysfunctional by the time they get married. Look into his masturbation and porn. 

Talk with his pastor, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> The thing I have seen once too often is religious guys who wait are also into porn and then are sexually dysfunctional by the time they get married. Look into his masturbation and porn.
> 
> Talk with his pastor, too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He has never watched porn before at least that i know of. 

He doesn't really masturbate =/


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

MarriedGirl_2007 said:


> just Oral basically and i have only been with one other guy


That's suitably vague. What's your story?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MarriedGirl_2007 said:


> He has never watched porn before at least that i know of.
> 
> *He doesn't really masturbate =/*


Wow. I guess he is a combination of repressed and maybe some low testosterone.

Does he work out? All I can say is that when I lift heavy weights on a weekly baisis my hormones kick in big time and I can't get enough sex. I am no where near 24 years old.

It is hard to fathom a strapping young man who is not having sex and does not masturbate ... a lot.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MarriedGirl_2007 said:


> The 2007 is for when we first got together. Just Oral basically and i have only been with one other guy and yes he knows and yes we waited because of his religious beliefs.


So one night stand, long term relationship? We are looking for some reason why your husband may or may not be intimidated.


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Wow. I guess he is a combination of repressed and maybe some low testosterone.
> 
> Does he work out? All I can say is that when I lift heavy weights on a weekly baisis my hormones kick in big time and I can't get enough sex. I am no where near 24 years old.
> 
> It is hard to fathom a strapping young man who is not having sex and does not masturbate ... a lot.


He works out a lot he is a cop.


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

It wasn't a one night stand it was back in high school thats all and he doesn't like to think of me with another guy.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Look at the computer history just to be sure.

If he is repressed around you he will hide masturbation and certainly porn of he uses it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Umm..are you sure he doesn't go the other way?


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Umm..are you sure he doesn't go the other way?


Right you jump from thinking he doesn't want me sexually because of past relationships to him being gay? Seriously? :scratchhead:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No I'm just stabbing in the dark. 24 and virginal is an outlier. I'm wondering if he's told you the entire truth. Whatever that truth is. I mean the fact that you asked the question means even you think something's amiss. What could it be?


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> No I'm just stabbing in the dark. 24 and virginal is an outlier. I'm wondering if he's told you the entire truth. Whatever that truth is. I mean the fact that you asked the question means even you think something's amiss. What could it be?


He isn't shy about making out or being touchy feely with me but its almost like when he does get turned on he feels embarrassed or wrong about it.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Wait a sec-- you said in other threads that you two have already been having sex since you were dating :scratchhead:


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

MGirl said:


> Wait a sec-- you said in other threads that you two have already been having sex since you were dating :scratchhead:


Huh? :scratchhead:


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

MarriedGirl_2007 said:


> Huh? :scratchhead:


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/23381-pre-marital-sex-no-3.html#post285055

Just trying to figure this out...


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

MGirl said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/23381-pre-marital-sex-no-3.html#post285055
> 
> Just trying to figure this out...


Oh wow... Just caught that. Sex since the 5 month mark. 

So you WERE having sex but now he doesn't want to since you've been married? Or....?? Confused
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MGirl said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/23381-pre-marital-sex-no-3.html#post285055
> 
> Just trying to figure this out...


oooops


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## marriedfor27years (Oct 29, 2009)

MarriedGirl_2007 said:


> He has never watched porn before at least that i know of.
> 
> He doesn't really masturbate =/


When my wife and I got married 30 years ago I was 22, she was 21. We where both virgins. I fixed that on our wedding night. It was fast and fun and it got better the more we did it. He may not look at porn but he does masturbate. Long shower, morning wood, night time emission make masturbation a must. You two need to talk honestly and openly. On our wedding day I could not get my wife out of the church fast enough. We wait for marriage, once I said I do, i wanted to. Talk talk talk and talk some more. Something does not ring true here. Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/size


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

My first thought is that he was gay. Sorry.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

First of all, I don't think it's as uncommon as the liberal forum would actually have you believe.

Remember. . .when you come to the "SEX FORUM" here at TAM, you are going to get a liberal bias. . .I don't mean that with any disdain, but they would have you think every person is a free-wheeling, free-loving, hippy-toking sexster before they got married and anyone who didn't is a weirdo.

First of all, step back and laugh and watch the 40 Year Old Virgin again, if you haven't seen it.

My first experience wasn't until 22 years old, not for lack of trying but I saw a lot of the dysfunction the character had in this movie with myself (and laughed at it).

I recall the line, "No. . .it's that I respect women so much, I don't even touch them!!!!" LOL!

And no, Steve Carrell wasn't gay. . .and in fact, what I found so funny about the movie on a different level was his 3 friends on the quest to get him laid were MORE dysfunctional than him. 

(thus enter Liberal TAM'ers - they play that role here as we try to get you laid).

I think you need to watch the movie, laugh, and then talk with him and become more emotionally intimate with him. Like the character, he may need emotional intimacy and a lot of it before he can do it and a lot of women are not up to that task as in years past.

They expect robotic peckers to become erect on demand.

And yes, a professional sex therapist may be called for here.


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## Breeann (Jul 6, 2011)

Does he get sexually aroused when you guys are foreplaying? Most guys if are virgins when they marry that's the 1st thing on their brain. Have you sit down with him and dicussed how you feel and what he is feeling. I can't see religion stopping him from having sex with his wife bc he's done the right thing and waited til marriage.


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