# Too Soon?



## greenbaglady

My Mother In Law passed away last January after a short illness--rather an illness that she had that didn't become apparent to doctors and through testing until it was too late  
My father In Law took this loss excruciatingly hard of course. He's one of these guys that worked on the farm and didn't know anything about how to use the kitchen or cook. He relied on my MIL up until she was too weak to take care of him, she had to show him around and how to cook so that he'd be ok on his own.
Last month my FIL announced in an email to the whole family that he's dating  my husband was shattered  He couldn't believe his dad wanted to do this so soon--only 9 months after her passing and he wants to date?! 
Coincidentally enough I found out that my very best friends mom just announced that SHE wants to start dating (she lost her husband a little over a year ago) My best friend feels sick over it.

Is this normal--children of a deceased parent feeling angry about the other parent wanting to find a new mate? 
Will they feel ok with it eventually? I get this sense of awkward tension whenever my husband and his dad are around each other.
My best friend feels like her mom is "confused" to put it lightly (in a nice way) for wanting to date again so soon--especially when her mom felt happier when her dad was gone on business trips--why would she want another man around so soon if she didn't like when he was there.
KWIM?
My other question is, IS it really too soon for a widow to start dating? I understand their lonely feeling but is that fair to the potential mate?
Thanks for your input!


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## draconis

Personally I don't think there is a magical time. What is important is when THEY are done grieving and THEY want to move on. Your husband is jealous because his father replaced his mother. It could have been a year from now and things would have been the same.

draconis


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## kajira

One thing we have to remember is that the widow/widower is used to sharing their life with someone. It is not a disrespect to the ones that have passed. Moreover, it is the ones still here trying to live........


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## riskey58

I believe the person knows inside when they are ready too move on. Know one can tell you when you should or should not.


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## azaleaeight

Sometimes people who are grieving get so they feel they just need to do something/find something that will give them something pleasant in life. Someone I know lost a child. She said she knew how another baby would never replace the child she lost, but she said how she so desperately needed something very nice in her life. Friends accused her of having a "replacement" baby, and she said nobody seemed to understand that she knew she could never replace her child (or get over losing him), but she just desperately needed something positive after having nothing but awful loss and grief.

I don't think people should get angry when someone dates after losing a spouse. Chances are a similar type of thing is going on with them emotionally.

My father died when my mother was only in her fifities. I wish she had dated again, but she never did. She lived another couple of decades and built a life for herself, but it may have been nice if she'd found a "friend". I think your husband should be pleased for his father. If the dating is nothing serious its just a matter of having a nice time with someone. If it turns into something serious your husband should be glad his father won't be lonely.


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