# This is my story



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

It's probably nothing new. Many have gone and are going through it but it's my story. 

I love my wife. 

She has always enjoyed attention. She pledged her faithfulness and I believed her. And honestly if she pledged it again I'd still believe her. 

She's Chinese. She goes back twice a year. Three years ago she returned to China for the summer mainly to see friends and travel. I can give more specifics but afterwards she returned home telling me she travelled with a man friend and developed feelings for him. As it turned out she stayed at his apartment during the summer visit. 

She apologized and said she understood if I could not forgive her. She said she regretted it. I love her. I want her. She makes me happy. But it hurt. She promised it was over and that the summer was just a "thing." It was out of her system. 

She's a fitness fanatic. We are both fit. She does draw the eyes of many men. She brags about it and I laugh with her. Men can show her attention, I thought, but there's no harm as long as she was faithful. 

A few weeks ago she was in bed and I was sitting in the living room. Her phone was on the table next to me charging along with mine. She received a text and it displayed on her screen. It said, "good night you sweet thing." It was from a man I know from our club. 

The next morning I handed her the phone and asked what was going on. She admitted she was flirting with the guy by text messages only. She was angry with me for snooping but I wasn't. It was a message that displayed directly to her phone's main display. 

I was suspicious and checked our cell phone bill. I found several incoming and outgoing calls and text messages to two men from our club. She denied anything was going on and that I was in the wrong for checking our phone activity. 

She said the text messages were innocent but flirtatious. She never slept with them. She promised the text messages would stop.

Two days ago I was paged out at home from my work. I picked up house phone and pressed history to page back to find my office's data center phone number. There in the history was one of the men's number showing he called into our house. I asked her about it and she said it must have been a misdial and that she has not been in contact with him.

The past two days have been stressful. I feel she hasn't been honest. Nothing adds up. When I got home tonight she left right away saying nothing. Our daughter, actually my step daughter, told me my wife was going to the club. 

This is where I went wrong. I used the Find My Phone function for her phone. She was at the home of they guy that called into our house. I actually drove there and found our car parked. I started driving home and called her cell. She didn't answer but called me right back. I admitted what I did and knew where she was. She admitted she was with him.

She said she loves me and went to his house to break it off. But now that I know she can't face me. She said she's sorry she hurt me but can't come home. She asked that I give her some time. I was confused. She said she wanted to break it off with him but now that I know she wanted to stay there with him because "it didn't really matter any more." She said she still loves me but says I'll never be able to forgive her. 

I understand her feelings. She is a stay at home mom. Her day is going to the club to work out. Maybe she's been going to see him too, I don't really know. I work and come home. I know it may sound self serving but I cook and clean and do laundry. She is nice to me and compliments me saying she is living a dream. She is thankful for what I do. I feel good. But then all this has happened. I'm sick. I don't know where I went wrong. She is torn between her life here and whatever this other man can provide. I have to be strong in front of my step daughter (17 years old) spas the daughter has AP tests tomorrow. I have to take care of her. 

I know my wife is sad and so am I. I don't know if she will come home. If she doesn't I'm afraid how I will feel resentment. If she stays I'm thinking her loyalties are with him and his feelings despite saying she loves me. 

I'm a professional man with a good career. 

The other man is a marriage counselor. 

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or sympathy or just to write this out. I'm sure I've done things wrong that has made her find interest in others. I know she's responsible for her own actions too. 

I hope she comes home. If so I'm hopeful we can piece this together. If she doesn't then I'm afraid I will resent it. 

I know I made myself out to be a saint. I'm not a bad guy. 

I am sad tonight. Very sad. 

That's the story. As plain as I can say it. 

Please forgive my typos. Thank you.


----------



## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You need to find out if these men are EAs (emotional affairs) or PAs (physical affairs). I've known women like this. They need to feel wanted. Maybe you can talk to her about being open with all her things (email, phone, and so forth) and get in marriage counseling. It sounds like she may need some individual counseling as well to deal with whatever is in her that makes her need to feel wanted by more men (all men) than just her husband. You're young and fit now but how's it going to be when she's old and can't get that kind of attention anymore. I'd ask her that question too. I'm so glad you found TAM. I'm going through something similar right now and I'm struggling and am no expert. I'm sure you'll get tons of good advice.


----------



## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

You need to stop being cuckold and put her but out. She's just using u
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Sorry you are here.....
First of all seems to me that your WW takes you for granted.... for all you know about she had an A. in the summer, some EA's and this other A. going on! Seems to me she is a serial cheater that enjoys doing it. If I where in you i would start to seperate all financial matters, then expose the A. to all your friends and family expecialy the OM family and were he works! He is a M.C. and goes around messing with married women? wow, rip his ars up !
This exposure most be done ASAP!
Then talk with a good lawyer and have him prepare the D. papers.
When they are ready pack all of your WW stuff and leave them in front of OM house with a copy of the D.papers in good sight. Then go away on vacation for at least 1 week.
In this meantime do not answer her calls nor text's ... you need to detatch from her, go 180..... 
how old is your Step D.?


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

She is 17 years old and a junior in high school. Her father is a hour flight away but she's so invested in her school. I don't want to disrupt it. She's very bright. She has her eyes on MIT or John Hopkins. This whole development tonight has me afraid for her. She need stability and I'm again sorry to seem self serving but I am stable. I love the little girl. I've been her step father since she was five. I want the best for her. And I still want my wife back.

Edit: her father is a very good man. We are all on excellent terms.


----------



## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

My husband has been my daughter's only dad since she was 3. He has completely abandoned her. He wants everything to do with OUR son though. Kudos to you for making her a priority. 

Tell your wife if she wants to stay in the marriage she needs to stop all communication with any other men and give you absolute access to everything. Phone, computer... Go to counseling together and make her take it individually. 

Nip this in the bud!


----------



## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Look, I’m very new here. I’m just learning how to express myself and communicate in this forum. There are people around here who can eat an average MC professional for breakfast. Listen to them. The only thing I’m good at (because that’s how I make my leaving) is to make decisions based on facts. Your facts are:
•	Your wife is from overseas (China). Not thinking stereotypes here but I wonder what is the story behind your marriage
•	You raise your step daughter (is she your wife’s daughter?)
•	You work, bring home your pay check, cook, clean etc. She stays at home and goes to the fitness club
•	She enjoys attention of other men
•	She has been unfaithful ate least 2 times (sounds like 2 confirmed PA’s and 1 EA to me)
•	She lies
•	The only thing you seem to be worry about is to “take care of her”.
Either your story is unreal or this makes you a willing cuckold. My apologies for that statement. 

Read these facts in abstraction from any emotions you have, listen to other people here. I’m 100% confident being nice won’t lead you anywhere, IMHO


----------



## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

Why would you even think about taking her back? Your wife shows you so much disrespect. She expects you to raise her daughter while she is with her lover. 

FILE FOR DIVORCE.


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I am sorry for your pain and situation but I am not gonna be gentle with you regarding the true.

your wife is a serial cheater, she have had two full blown affairs, plus an EA (probably also a PA) comfirmed to this moment, and this is only what you know with very little diging, normally much more is revealed when the BS do a full and conscientious investigation, she have many red flags that scream carefull for anyone looking a realtionship with her.

- Validation issues
- flirting bahaviour
- Enjoy male attention openly and unreserved (while being in a relationship)

another thing that is painfull to see in your post, is you desesperation to have her back as if she is making you a favor by giving you a chance to win her back.

my friend nobody deserves to be cheated in his realtionship, does not matter the status of the other person (if he/she is the richest person in the world, a world famous actor/actress, a sport idol) 

you have said it yourself, you are fit, you are succesfully in your career, and you are a good man that involve himself in the daily chores, as your WW said, you are capable to provide a woman with a dream life, she treats you like crap because she has taken you for granted and you allow it. but you are someone who any woman will be lucky to have.

you wrote in your post that you are afraid to find with whom her loyalties are, with him or you, the answer is with neither, her loayalties are with herself, she looks for what is better for herself without considering anyone's feelings, she left her daughter with the man she betrayed and is thinking what is better for her staying with you for the life you provide or with OM with whom in this moment she have the dopamine rush (that evetually will pass), but while she was with him she was at less also emotionally cheating with a third man from the club, so no loyalties for anyone but for the satifaction of her desires.

regarding the OM, if you want him out of your life, expose him with everybody, in his face book page, in his JOB (damn he is a marriage counselor and is screwing someone's else wife and ruining another man marriage) expose him to his clients and see how he will drop you wife a hot potato or he will lose everything.

but man, still even if OM rejects your wife and she comes back to you crying it will be just a temporary solution, her bahaviour will not change unless she realize her problems and look for a TON of help (IC, support groups, TON of books) and even so most likely she will cheat on you again in the future when another suitor willing to ignore her marital status appears again in some years.


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Turin, my story is 100% truthful. I haven't presented anything untruthfully. I was divorced when I met my wife. My step daughter is from my wife's previous marriage. My wife and her husband came the the United States on academic scholarships. He is very successfully engineer. My wife as an accounting degree from a high ranking B10 schools. 

I was a successful wrestler for many years. She liked my popularity and awards. I walked away from the B10 to wrestle internationally. My teammate and I wrestled in tiblisi tourney. I pulled a fish but my partner pulled Alexander Karlin, if anyone knows him. 

My wife like artistic and warm hearted. I can be that. 

Twice I've read the term cuckold. I do not know its definition. I've googled it but still not sure how it applies to me.


----------



## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Haiku said:


> Turin, my story is 100% truthful. I haven't presented anything untruthfully. I was divorced when I met my wife. My step daughter is from my wife's previous marriage. My wife and her husband came the the United States on academic scholarships. He is very successfully engineer. My wife as an accounting degree from a high ranking B10 schools.
> 
> I was a successful wrestler for many years. She liked my popularity and awards. I walked away from the B10 to wrestle internationally. My teammate and I wrestled in tiblisi tourney. I pulled a fish but my partner pulled Alexander Karlin, if anyone knows him.
> 
> ...


No problems, I meant your story is very... dramatic, shell I say. And I think I know who are you talking about, did you mean Karelin? He retired in 2000. 

Wrt cuckold - in my vocab it is the husband who doesn't have enough guts to end wife's infidelity and got used to be plan B. Sometimes finding masochistic pleasure in this or something like that. Sorry if harsh. Just look at the facts above, try to pretend it is your best friend's citu... what would you think?


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Tell your wife that you are willing to give her up, but come home for your daughter's sake. You can fake being a family for a year so that she can to go university. 

Your marriage is dead. Do an in-house 180 to detach from your wife in preparation for divorce. Your step daughter is doing AP's for college. You need to do advanced placement for divorce.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

First and foremost please realize how much she is lying to you right now. Went to his house to break it off? Lie She is staying at his place because you cant forgive her? Blame deflection Innocent flirting but nothing going on? Lie

She regretted getting caught was all. Everything else is excuses. You must quickly understand that you did not cause her to have affairs. Until she wants to take full responsibility for that she is lost to you. 

Nothing adds up, yet everything does once you take your heart and emotions out of it. She is having affairs, she is not showing any remorse for her actions, She is trying to guilt you to forgive her. I understand you are sad and hurt, this is a horrible thing to go thru. She is sad because she got caught. Had you not confronted her, she would still be living this lie and probably lying in bed next to you perfectly content to use you. 

Talk to an attorney tomorrow even though you don't want to. Quit listening to her excuses for now and give yourself some distance so you can start looking at your situation better.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Your wife is not a good person.

She is poisonous to your life.

Do you agree ?



> And honestly if she pledged it again I'd still believe her.



People can help you but you need to stop being in denial...

Ever had friends that were destroying their lives but you couldn't do anything but watch it slow motion ? You are that guy now ?

She is using you for your money and raising her kid while f*cking other guys on the side


----------



## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

Hi.

Besides the great advice by others which I agree with, I'd strongly recommend you start IC immediately, and stop being the "Mr. Nice Guy/doormat" (and I'm saying that as someone who was one for way too long). As for your (step)daughter, maybe she can stay with her dad for a while if she needs a stable environment. Also, whatever happens, make sure (together with her dad) that she gets proper counselling, because I'm sure whatever will happen (even if you stay with her mum) will affect her, no matter how much you try to shelter her. Don't let your (step)daughter be an excuse for you not standing up for yourself.

Oh, and get tested for STDs and stop having sex (especially unprotected) with your "wife". Go see a lawyer. Carry a VAR. Keep a copy of evidence someplace safe. Talk to your friends&family about this. Above all, don't stop posting here!

Best wishes!


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Thank you all for listening and the advice. 

She came home late last night. We talked for a couple hours. 

She apologized for hurting me. She told me the affair has been very short but they have had sex at least once. She said he is encouraging her to leave me for him and that he says he loves her. She said she sees things in him she doesn't like but sees other things that are fun and interesting. She said she does love me and doesn't want to hurt or lose me but has asked me to 'give her some room.' 

After some discussion she is apparently asking that I allow her to see him for a 'time' (whatever that means) so she can sort out her feelings for him. She offered to move out and in with him if that would lesson the pain. (I asked her about our daughter and she said she would take her to move in with him, then later amended that to say she could maybe just stay with me. She had no answer as to what she would tell our daughter as to where she was living during that time.) Or she and I could stay together during that period (as she sees him I guess). She said she didn't think "it would take long." Again whatever that means. 

She admitted that the idea seems crazy but it's what she thinks she wants. I told her I wanted her to stop seeing him completely and end all contact and stop going to places where they might meet. She said she didn't think she could do that. She said she was tired and wanted to sleep. 

I've slept for a few minutes but awake again. I need to take our daughter to the AP exam and then get to the office. 

I fear this is beyond repair. It's really unlikely she will agree to stop going to places where they could meet. We live only a few miles apart.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Haiku said:


> It's probably nothing new. Many have gone and are going through it but it's my story.
> 
> I love my wife.
> 
> ...


I've seen it quoted over on marriagebuilders that marriage counselors have a higher divorce rate than the general population.
This 'profession' means that he knows how to use his words so he's by nature a very slippery weasel.
Should you have any interaction with him make sure to record it just in case he tries to back you into some kind of legal corner. This may go for your wife as well. Consider him to be a pro and well aware of how to manipulate the legal system against you.


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

wtf!
Now that you know what ****holder means is that what you want to be?
Tell her she will be free to do whaever but after signing di D. papers!
COMMON DUDE! WHAT KIND OF WRESTLER ARE YOU?


----------



## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Haiku said:


> I fear this is beyond repair.


I'm afraid that is the reality... The only thing to salvage here is your dignity and independence.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

dude, I have alot to say to you but I am busy and have to travel to another city, please before anything expose her and the OM like crazy to everyone to your family, her family, in his JOB, in his face book, twitter, if he have a intnernet page for his JOB comment on it, with his neighboors, I mean with everybody, specially for his JOB he will be forced to throw your wife liunder the buss or he will lose his reputation and destroy his career.

Exposure is one of the best methods to end affairs, you may be a fraid of she getting angry at you, but belive me when I say that is one of the best methods to acchive one rapid solution and and stop draging this situation any longer and being painfull for you.


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

manticore said:


> dude, I have alot to say to you but I am busy and have to travel to another city, please before anything expose her and the OM like crazy to everyone to your family, her family, in his JOB, in his face book, twitter, if he have a intnernet page for his JOB comment on it, with his neighboors, I mean with everybody, specially for his JOB he will be forced to throw your wife liunder the buss or he will lose his reputation and destroy his career.
> 
> Exposure is one of the best methods to end affairs, you may be a fraid of she getting angry at you, but belive me when I say that is one of the best methods to acchive one rapid solution and and stop draging this situation any longer and being painfull for you.


Thank you for your advice and your kind concern. 

I am angry with him especially due to his profession and the fact, according to my wife, trying to persuade her to leave and join him. He knows she's married with a young girl. That's infuriating. But my wife is responsible too and not blameless. 

But I want to ask a question about exposing him. That's sound revengeful and I don't think I'm feeling that need yet. I'm not opposed to meeting him face to face and have a non-violent but direct talk with him. Exposing him might end their relationship it but does it have any other positive result? If she choses to walk awa from him and enter counseling maybe this marriage can be salvaged.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wait, so she just left to go stay with the other man leaving her own daughter behind and says she can't go home?

She is a serial cheater. The only way this will work is if she comes home and absolutely ends ALL contact with these other men.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

manticore said:


> regarding the OM, if you want him out of your life, expose him with everybody, in his face book page, in his JOB *(damn he is a marriage counselor and is screwing someone's else wife and ruining another man marriage)* expose him to his clients and see how he will drop you wife a hot potato or he will lose everything.


^ ^ ^

THIS!! :iagree: :iagree:

A marriage counselor has a certain standard to live up to professionally, even if she is not his patient. I would most definitely expose this cad -- it would not sit well in his profession. Many doctors, if they found out about it, would stop referring patients to him. It would really hit him in his wallet.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Haiku,

Exposing the affair is not "revengeful"; it's called fighting for your marriage.

Affairs continue because most people are embarassed (you are viewing this as a personal failure right now) and "don't want everyone to know." That's EXACTLY what has to happen.

To sit back, "give her time" and allow her to continue seeing this creep is CONDONING her behavior.

When you expose, you ruin their little game. Suddenly, it's not a romantic fantasy world anymore. Reality will come crashing down on them real quick. Bad behavior = BAD outcome for them. Having an affair has serious repercussions in your life, your reputation, your honor. Let them suffer the consequences in their lives, their reputations, and their honor.

Expose!!


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Haiku,
> 
> Exposing the affair is not "revengeful"; it's called fighting for your marriage.
> 
> ...



Thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Haiku said:


> But I want to ask a question about exposing him. That's sound revengeful and I don't think I'm feeling that need yet. I'm not opposed to meeting him face to face and have a non-violent but direct talk with him. Exposing him might end their relationship it but does it have any other positive result? If she choses to walk awa from him and enter counseling maybe this marriage can be salvaged.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes it might sound as revenge, but beleive me ITS MORE A CORRECT ACTION AGAINST A SCUM! He does a job that should RECOVER A SAVE marrieges.... it doesnt seem to me he has this standard! Most of all it will help you heal.
She will be really pxssed with you, call you all kinds of names and say many hurful stuff. You should only respond: SORRY YOU FEEL THIS WAY, and pass by her! DONT ENGAGE.
You need to tell EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT KNOWS YOU TWO FROM FAMILY TO FRIENDS !
This is to protect you from being accused of whatever, and also an attempt to make her come to sences...


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> ^ ^ ^
> 
> THIS!! :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> A marriage counselor has a certain standard to live up to professionally, even if she is not his patient. I would most definitely expose this cad -- it would not sit well in his profession. Many doctors, if they found out about it, would stop referring patients to him. It would really hit him in his wallet.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
I would expose and check into if you can do anything legally against him. As a trained professional he must have some standards of ethics he must abide by. If for nothing else it needs to be done to protect others, as who is to say he is not using his training to "motivate" clients to things that are not in their best interest. If a MC is doing something that is against the wishes of the clients and the best interest of marriage then he is doing his profession an injustice.

I exposed my WW's OM to his work, I was willing to let him off with the work side and just expose to his family, when he told me, "I work for the government and have the ways and means to get the information i need and want and nobody can stop me, heck it is what everyone here at my work does everyday for fun!" I had this statement recorded and in writing from him. I chose then to pursue as much as I could to his work, as it is not right that he can abuse the privacy of others at his whim and for his "fun". I felt appalled that he would make such a statement and abuse the system and everyones right to privacy! So I guess in part you could say I did it for all the other people out there to include you, me, everyone on this forum and within my family. Justice must be served and this needs to be stopped if a whole work force could be doing this for kicks.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

As soon as I read "she enjoys attention" at the first of you post, I know things were going to be bad.

Attention. Let me guess. Did has "compliments" come up in your conversations, too?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you agree to your wife's term then you are in fact a cuckold!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Your wife is a repeat offender. She will continue to have her fun at your expense. That leaves you with two options:

1. Dump her. She has no respect for you. Find yourself a good women that treats you right.

2. Become a cuckold. A cuckold is a guy that enjoys having his wife have sex with other men. (Some like to be humiliated as well.)

I don't get the whole cuckold thing myself but hey whatever works for some people.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Haiku said:


> I work and come home. I know it may sound self serving but I cook and clean and do laundry. She is nice to me and compliments me saying she is living a dream.


You sound like an excellent house boy my man. I'm sure she does appreciate it. Let me be straight with you Dawg; you may love her but she has absolutely no respect for you. Neither does she love you. If she did, she wouldn't be the "clubs" bang girl. Also, you need to cut the crap about the 17 year old daughter. That's an excuse to not leave in order to take what crumbs she throws you.
Here's another bit of knowledge for you, et. al. with wives and girlfriends who need attention from other guys. These gals are fu--able. If you think they are not, you're fooling yourself. (well, maybe 1 is 10 is not. The rest have probably already done some other guy.)


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

waylan said:


> 2. Become a cuckold. A cuckold is a guy that enjoys having his wife have sex with other men. (Some like to be humiliated as well.)
> 
> I don't get the whole cuckold thing myself but hey whatever works for some people.


That is the fetish definition, the original definition is a man whose wife has had or does have sex with other men, but it doesn't necessarily have the agreement or knowledge part for the husband, so if she is cheating a hiding it and he is unaware, he is still a cuckold by the original definition.

I personally don't like the terms use at all, as even though the original terminology might be meant or intended when describing the BH and his situation, too many only know the fetish definition and thus the guy looks and is portrayed worse than he should in the public's eye and also too many still think the guy is cuckolded if his wife says the A is over and yet still sneaks away. He never gave consent to it, but people assume he is cuckolded which in the fetish terminology gives the consent part.


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Haiku's woman cheats

A wrestler is beaten down

Self respect is lost.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

NotLikeYou said:


> Haiku's woman cheats
> 
> A wrestler is beaten down
> 
> Self respect is lost.


Nice!!!


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Seems like nearly all they guys have the same basic message. Take control of the situation and fast. Your W likes the attention, most people like the attention of the opposite sex (and even some of the same sex) BUT and here is the boundry. When that requirements takes hold and starts to invade the boundries of your marridge vows then you have the right to step in and call it a day.

You have basically 3 options.
_ Suck it up and live with it
_ Take control of your W and lay down the finer boundries and clearly let her know - one more step over that line and its bye bye
_Hit her with D papers now and see if she realy wants to be committed. I doubt that theis will have much effect unless you make it clear that you mean business. 

Love her to death or not NO-one and I mean NO ONE needs to be treated like a door mat.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Haiku said:


> She is 17 years old and a junior in high school. Her father is a hour flight away but she's so invested in her school. I don't want to disrupt it. She's very bright. She has her eyes on MIT or John Hopkins. This whole development tonight has me afraid for her. She need stability and I'm again sorry to seem self serving but I am stable. I love the little girl. I've been her step father since she was five. I want the best for her. And I still want my wife back.
> 
> Edit: her father is a very good man. We are all on excellent terms.


Tell her father what's going on. You may even learn that your wife did something similar when their marriage broke down. If you're on excellent terms with him, he may be a supportive figure to you, which you need right now, and you can work together with him to get his daughter through the upheaval she is about to experience because of her mother.

I would say that one of your priorities would be getting this young girl through the rest of her school year with as little stress as possible. If that means keeping her with you while your wife lives with another man, you might have to do that.



Haiku said:


> After some discussion she is apparently asking that I allow her to see him for a 'time' (whatever that means) so she can sort out her feelings for him. She offered to move out and in with him if that would lesson the pain. (I asked her about our daughter and she said she would take her to move in with him, then later amended that to say she could maybe just stay with me. She had no answer as to what she would tell our daughter as to where she was living during that time.) Or she and I could stay together during that period (as she sees him I guess). She said she didn't think "it would take long." Again whatever that means.
> 
> She admitted that the idea seems crazy but it's what she thinks she wants. I told her I wanted her to stop seeing him completely and end all contact and stop going to places where they might meet. She said she didn't think she could do that. She said she was tired and wanted to sleep.


Let me translate this for you. She doesn't want space. She doesn't want time to choose between you and the other man. What she wants is to have both. She wants you as the stable provider to her and her daughter, and the other man for sexual excitement and emotional validation. Now that you know about the affair, she can spend as long as she likes over there without having to work around deceiving you. Cheaters who tell you they want more time to figure things out really mean that they want more time to figure out how to convince you to accept their lover. What she wants can't be done and what you want she's already chosen not to do, so there's no point waiting for anything to happen.

If she won't clearly choose you, she's already chosen him and is just too cowardly to say so.



Haiku said:


> I fear this is beyond repair.


You can't fix something, no matter how hard you try, that the other person continues to break over and over again.



Haiku said:


> I am angry with him especially due to his profession and the fact, according to my wife, trying to persuade her to leave and join him. He knows she's married with a young girl. That's infuriating. But my wife is responsible too and not blameless.


Who knows what he's actually saying. Your wife has already established herself as a liar. She could be putting all kinds of words in his mouth to deflect blame for her actions.



Haiku said:


> But I want to ask a question about exposing him. That's sound revengeful and I don't think I'm feeling that need yet. I'm not opposed to meeting him face to face and have a non-violent but direct talk with him. Exposing him might end their relationship it but does it have any other positive result? If she choses to walk awa from him and enter counseling maybe this marriage can be salvaged.


Exposing cheaters isn't for vengeance and it isn't for improving the chances of saving your marriage. What it saves is your sanity. Right now, while it's secret, no one knows, and you have no one (but us) to confide in and get emotional support from. Meanwhile, your wife and her man have each other and their bond strengthens. Willingly keeping their secret is like approving of their relationship.

Exposing gives you the freedom to talk about your situation with your family and friends, and get the support you need right now.

What use is you helping them keep their secret, except to save them from disapproval by their own families and friends.

And, personally, if I was seeing a marriage counsellor, I would want to know if he was a complete hypocrite. You owe it to his clients and his firm, if he is not independent.

Confronting him won't increase the odds of salvaging the marriage. It might increase your risk of accidentally doing something you shouldn't. She's told him you know about them, and he wants her to leave you. Seeing you in person isn't going to make any difference to his reaction.

Also, a marriage is only salvageable after an affair if the cheater drops all contact and works very hard on reconciliation. Your wife isn't doing that. Ergo, the marriage isn't salvageable.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

One thing to remember is that you are fighting against someone that knows all the trick of the profession. He says he wants her to leave you and be with him , and he has the added benefit of being able to manipulate her mind and emotions to get her to see things that she may never have thought of or felt and thus put you at the disadvantage. If she is unwilling to go NC and break it off immediately, which it sounds like she isn't by wanting her space and time to think about it while living with him, then it is basically over.

I would say get your finances safe (transfer funds, get credit cards out of her name and her unauthorized, and remove her access to anything that you provide), talk to a lawyer and prepare to move on. If she is willing to basically abandon her daughter with you, then it is over (yes you might be stepdad, but you are not flesh and blood). She wants you for financial stability at this point and that is all. 

Take that away from her and let them be together, as a MC he knows the odds that they will actually make it. If he feels that his training somehow makes their options better for survival, then he is ignorant in his profession, manipulative, and ignoring all the signs, as she is a serial cheater and he is accepting her knowing that. It is only time before she moves on from him as well.


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Your WS has a business degree from a B10. Her daughter is 17. 

So why is she a stay-at-home Mom?

She couldn't even drive your daughter to her exam. You did before going to work. I guess she had to go to the club or the gym. 

What a great lifestyle lounging around at the club, going to the gym and having all that male attention. She even gets to try out some of them. She knows you will be there when she gets back. 

What a cruel woman.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

********** said:


> Your WS has a business degree from a B10. Her daughter is 17.
> 
> So why is she a stay-at-home Mom?
> 
> ...


Agreed, but I think the club and gym are the same thing in this case and not different entities.


----------



## HubbyDaddy2013 (Jul 2, 2013)

DUDE!!!!WAKE THE F UP!!!!!!!!!!!! 

You are showing no self confidence in yourself! Your wife is a terrible person who has used you. She doesn't give a $HIT about you! It is the truth! DIVORCE HER! 

She is screwing a marriage counselor as well...HE IS EVIL!!!! This is her 2nd or 3rd Phyiscal Affair! SHe has had other penises inside her MANY TIMES while she has been with you...Multiple Penises!!! 


HELLO!!! You are seriously OKAY with all of this??? You can't forgive this. The marriage is over...Time to grow a pair, and move on! You have a good job. You will find someone new in the future! 

KICK HER OUT, FILE FOR DIVORCE!!! 

...Slash this Marriage Counselor's Tires out as well...I mean you do know where he lives. He needs some punishment!


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If the OM is a licensed marriage counselor, then find out the governing agency that licenses him and report him.

What he's doing is not just cheating, its also professionally unethical. 

If you have the courage....


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

HubbyDaddy2013 said:


> ...Slash this Marriage Counselor's Tires out as well...I mean you do know where he lives. He needs some punishment!


I agree he needs the punishment, but don't resort to something that lowers yourself even further and might land one in jail. Do like I recommended earlier and let his work know. Get a lawyer involved and there must be some breach of code or ethics he has violated. Take it to the state licensing board and get his license to practice revoked, as there must be something in their codes that would cover this type of action as illegal in their situation (adultery and infidelity with his position). 

Post on Cheaterville, so it will reflect negatively on him, and mention his job in the posting (not the place of employment but just his carrier choice) and this will negatively reflect on the entire practice.Punish him where it will hurt most and get the point across, his livelihood. Normally I would advise against this, but in his case it is merited, just as it would be if a dentist or doctor were using their access to drugs to perform something illegal and immoral. He is using his training and position as an advantage in this case.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> If the OM is a licensed marriage counselor, then find out the governing agency that licenses him and report him.
> 
> What he's doing is not just cheating, its also professionally unethical.
> 
> If you have the courage....


QFT :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Haiku you should pack her clothes in big black garbage bags and haul them over to the OM's house. Then you should change all the locks on your house. Don't let her back in. 

Go see a lawyer and file for divorce. Your wife is a liar, cheater and has used you as nothing more than a pimp.

And I agree you should report the OM's unethical conduct.


----------



## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

OP I'm sorry that your in this boat. Your wife is what's known around here as a cake eater. She wants to try other men out while having you as a security. She needs to be faced with a choice and sooner rather than later. What you said about her liking other men's compliments reeks of selfishness and low self esteem. Accept this fact: You can't change her, only she can. Do you want to live like this the rest of your life ? Reach down there between your legs and find your man parts bro. She's cuckolding you and throwing it in your face ! Is she the only fish out in the sea ? Are you so dependent on her that you can put up with this for fear of losing her? I know what I would do : Throw her out, cut off the money, if the other dude wants to bang her he can support her. You have [much better] options than this woman. Sorry for the 2x4 s, just hard truths that you need to hear IMO.


----------



## HubbyDaddy2013 (Jul 2, 2013)

She is living HER DREAM!!! AND YOU ARE PAYING FOR IT! ...She has a degree, but is a stay at home mother, and the daughter is 17...REALLY??? She get's to bang other guys. She get's to control you as if she is a Queen, and you are her subordinate. She is not sorry for anything. She is cruel, and dis respectful. 

Expose her actions, and who she really is to your daughter, and any other close Family. SHAME HER! 

She also obviously Enjoys the sex she receives from other men. ...You are her pawn that she get's extra pleasure from time to time. 

...When was the last time she went down on you? When was the last time she did something thoughtful for you? ...Been a while hasn't it! ...Perhaps a real long while... 

You need someone to throw cold water in your face, and slap the fog out of you. You are a real controlled, abused, and depressed person. I feel sorry for you, but you need to find the strength to End this. Put consequences on her. Get all and any bank cards and credit cards she has of yours. CUT HER OFF! KICK HER OUT! DIVORCE! ...Go talk to a lawyer ASAP! 

See a therapist if you have to get all this out of you...Do it before it consumes you. ...Then MOVE ON with your life!


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Right now you are trying to overcome the emotions that go along with being rejected. You are devastated and desperate. That's understandable. But you need to wake up from your fog. Your wife is a terrible person. She is a serial cheater, she doesn't love or respect you, and she never will. At some point that realization will hit you in the head like a sledge hammer; and your regret for losing all your self respect will be overwhelming - if you don't act. 

You have to accept that your marriage is over. She has ended it. No less than if she had walked out the door, never to be seen again. No matter what other family circumstances are going on, you need to divorce her and not look back. 

You should be angry. Use that anger to fuel your resolve to do what you need to do. Expose the POSOM and make his life miserable. Not to save your marriage, but to make him regret that he chose *YOUR* wife.

There is a new life waiting for you. A new journey. Start that journey now. You'll get plenty of support here along the way.


----------



## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

If she goes then tell her don't comeback and she needs to take her daughter if for no other reason than to put the OM out a little bit!! It becomes real when she does this in front of her daughter....moving etc.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Garbage bags with her stuff dumped at OMs. ASAP
Expose this MC to his organization. Also expose him at cheaterville dot com.
Separate finances, file and go for full custody ASAP. Ask time off work to do it TOMORROW.

Start detaching, accept the reality (read the 180 and start living it). She's a serial cheater. Let her go.
There's no hope to recover anything with such entitled woman. Nothing.

Start acting, your head and heart will catch you later.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

This is a waste of time.. Unless there is some proof OP is a real person, I won't post anymore


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

When a woman tells her man another man has been with her and her man doesn't erupt and put the fear of god in her...

.. but listens meekly as she tells him she needs to stay with him to have sex and sort out her feelings and he asks her to stop all contact and she says no..I can't do that..

GAME OVER

There should have been no negotiating

She doesn't go to sleep until this was sorted

She wants to go live with him, as hard as that is, you tell her go, separate bank accounts, pack her bags, consult a lawyer and file.

There are people who will be way more harsh and use the C-hold word, because the basic reaction to hearing a man's woman been with someone else is somewhere between devastation and rage.

You know she's a serial cheater, thing is it becomes tiring having to pretend/cover things up when what you feel is real and you don't feel sorry. Why should she apologize to you when she feels real pull towards OM. She's trying to be nice but really can't be bothered to pretend anymore. 

Stop being her safety cushion when she decides the fun is over and she needs a nice warm house to go back to and resume life again.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Your wife claims to need space, she will have plenty at the OM home. You keep listening to what she is saying as though its all truthful. She has and is lying to you with each and every sentence she speaks. QUIT listening to her

The mere fact that she needs “time and space” to choose between the two of you according to her should be all the answer you need. This is not a competition and she is not the prize. If she feels too weak to make the choice, make it for her….Divorce. 

The OM didn’t force her into this situation, he realistically probably isn’t begging her to move in. She made the choice to have sex with him. She hasn’t apologized for hurting you and she hasn’t even shown a willingness to quit hurting you. Its beyond repair because she has no intention of trying to repair anything. 

CALL A LAWYER, pack her junk and wish her luck in her new life. You wont like it and its gonna hurt but it must be done as she needs to learn what life is without you and you need distance from her to get the true perspective on whats going on.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> ^ ^ ^
> 
> THIS!! :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> A marriage counselor has a certain standard to live up to professionally, even if she is not his patient. I would most definitely expose this cad -- it would not sit well in his profession. Many doctors, if they found out about it, would stop referring patients to him. It would really hit him in his wallet.


From a professional POV, if she is not his client nor has been for about two years, it will not matter. Our ethics rules have to do with clients and really do not have to do with our private lives if it is not related to our practise.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> From a professional POV, if she is not his client nor has been for about two years, it will not matter. Our ethics rules have to do with clients and really do not have to do with our private lives if it is not related to our practise.


Doesn't mean he can't file a complaint. He can still fvck with the guy. Get people asking questions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

He should put the piece of sh!t on Cheaterville too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Doesn't mean he can't file a complaint. He can still fvck with the guy. Get people asking questions.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was in the middle of doing tons of notes and responded too quickly and did not explain much. 

Depending on where this person practises, some agencies or businesses have moral codes where this may have a bearing and if so it would be well worth exposing there.

From the professional ethics codes (the law) if the counselor is not having an A with a client or a client from outside a 2 year range then it will have no bearing on his liscense.

Reporting him at his place of work could have an impact particularly if he knows this woman is married as was indicated.

I am not opposed to going ape on this guy but hit him where it will do the most damage.

If this was me I would go speak to the MC's supervisor or head of the agency.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> This is a waste of time.. Unless there is some proof OP is a real person, I won't post anymore


Warlock, I don't blame you. I dealt with a soldier in Iraq who's wife told him she was pregnant to another man. He had no back bone whatsoever. None. He came to me for help initially, he basically said, "I hope she takes me back when I get home". I said, "Dude, your wife is pregnant to another man, she is doing the other man while you are in a war zone, she is basically bragging about it and you hope she will take you back!, How about you throwing her out of the house once you get back?"

Some guys are content with scraps.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CUCKOLD: A man who allows and often encourages his wife to have sex with other men.

That's you, dude.

If you don't see how it applies to you then I got nuthin.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Haiku said:


> Thank you for your advice and your kind concern.
> 
> I am angry with him especially due to his profession and the fact, according to my wife, trying to persuade her to leave and join him. He knows she's married with a young girl. That's infuriating. But my wife is responsible too and not blameless.
> 
> ...



Send him the link to cheaterville.com. Ask him how he thinks it will help his counseling career.

Quite frankly, if you read some of the thousands of threads here you will see that your nice guy approach is doomed to failure. The hardest part about being on this forum is trying to get nice guys to act in their best interest.

You need to google "serial cheater" your wife is one and the hope she can be faithful to anyone is slim and none.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You went to his house, found your wife there and you just drove off. Consider actions like this may be that your wife thinks he is a better man than you. If you wont stand up for your marriage what will you stand up for?

:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Haiku. It may be hard to read what posters are saying on here. But you can see how angry they are that your WS is treating you like this. And most are saying 'get out'. Now!

It is hard to make that break because you have been together many years. This has become 'normal' for you.

For her, 'normal' has become a very easy life where she doesn't have to work, gets to travel, spends her days at the club keeping that body of hers in shape to keep the attention from men coming, enjoys the lifestyle you provide, you are an amazing father to her daughter and she also gets to play the field with other men as if she was single. What an example she is for her daughter who is now 17 and will know very well what's going on.

Put an end to this lifestyle she has carved out for herself at your expense. It hasn't got anything to do with love, rather it's torture for you.

You will be lonely for a while sure. But what is there to miss. A woman like that? 

Don't be afraid that you will lose your daughter. She will go to university and carve out her own life. You can keep in touch with her always, meet her for lunch, phone her etc. You can still love and protect her even when you are divorced. She may even end up living with you. 

Remove yourself from this and let WS go out and get herself a job and support her abhorrent lifestyle herself from now on. She is continuing to have physical affairs with your knowledge while she lives under your roof even asking you if she can try out one of these men for a while to see if she likes him better than you. 

That's about as bad as it gets on here.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What does your daughter think of her?


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Haiku said:


> She apologized for hurting me.
> 
> she is apparently asking that I allow her to see him for a 'time' (whatever that means) so she can sort out her feelings for him. She offered to move out and in with him if that would lesson the pain.
> 
> ...






Haiku said:


> Twice I've read the term cuckold. I do not know its definition. I've googled it but still not sure how it applies to me.


I am so sorry. It is what she is asking you to be.

Your wife is an emotionally and sexually available serial cheater.

She does not sound like she has what it takes to be in a committed relationship.

This is awful, I am so sorry, I wish you well.
Take care.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

There is another poster with cheating Chinese wife. She is super smart but messed up in the head... how does he spell his name rupby? Someone help out, please.


----------



## HubbyDaddy2013 (Jul 2, 2013)

Haiku: Your story is painful to hear. I'm sorry you are going through this. 

I hope you have a real close Best Buddy Friend that you can talk with. Perhaps he can take you out, have some beers. You need to loosen up, and have a heart to heart with a close buddy! 

Get it out of you. You need some cheering up, and a swift eye opening talk with a friend. 

Then it's time to make this $hit real **This should be made real ASAP** 

You need to kick her out. You need to File for DIVORCE ASAP. You need to look at life in a new light. You need to move on from this. 

I don't know you, but from your story you seem like a good man. You cared about your family, and your wife who completely used you. You did all the right things you needed to do, and in the end your heart has been crushed, and your mind has been tossed every which way by this deceitful, cruel, EVIL, biatch! ...Time to man up, and take control of the situation. There will be light at the end of this tunnel. Don't think that you will be lonely with no partner for ever. You will find someone else who will treat you right. You will get through this!


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I don't know where I went wrong."

Simple...you should have NEVER just simply forgiven her and rugswept her first A...it taught her that you will never give her consequences for her cheating.

And sure enough, here you are again and all you can think of is taking her back again.

You are afraid to expose POS...you are afraid to expose her to friends and family...you are actually thinking about letting her continue this A so she can get closure with her lover.

If you are not gonna fight for yourself and your M, then there is nothing any advice or support from TAM can do for you.

Expose the A everywhere, file for D, and kick her out.

Honestly, I don't know why you would want her serial cheating a** back, but doing these steps is the ONLY chance you have.

She has to see she is about to lose you and her life as she knows it permanently...only then might she wake up and start doing the things you need to save the M.

And make a formal complaint to this POS's professional association as a marriage counselor...make his scummy a** drop her as fast as he can, and he will do exactly that if he fears being sanctioned or perhaps losing his certification.


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

My thanks to everyone for the advice, support, and the forum to write this. 

Chaparral, My wife chose to be there of her own free will. I went there so she knew without any question that I was aware and could not lie any more...to open this up plain. I drove away because a potential violent confrontation is not the answer. I casually know the man and I do not fear him. I'm quite capable. Honestly, there's a lot at stake here and I need to keep my wits and not run emotionally wild. 

Last night we went to dinner and I told her that I felt she needed to end the relationship and we get into counseling or she should move on. She cried and left the restaurant. She dropped me off at home and she went out. She came back sometime during the night. 

This morning I got up around 5, showered and went out to shop once the stores opened. After a long while she texted and I picked her up and we shopped for a few things together. She seems normal and cheerful but she keeps her feelings in well. She always has. 

Later this afternoon she told me she was meeting the man for dinner. I repeated that I could not deal with the idea that we live in the same house as we are married yet she lives the life as a single person dating and sleeping with men. She said she was moving out and left. 

She returned a few hours later as I was serving dinner to our daughter. She sat and ate with her. Then told me privately she was leaving again to stay the night with the man. 

I sat with our daughter watching a movie as my wife quietly packed a few things and left. 

Chaparral asked how our daughter feels. She is sad. She had a few tears as I tucked her in a few minutes ago. I assure her that her mom, dad, and I love her very much. Tomorrow I will bring her real father into this.


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Haiku,
I could not live with myself doing this to someone I knew loved me and was faithful to me.

How about you?



Your wife is ok with it.


I am sure she is pretty, has a nice personality, even some good qualities, but the absence of any sympathy for you is disturbing. (I'm sure she feels bad)

If your kids were hurting you would not just feel bad you would do whatever you could to comfort them, and would do it with all your heart, that is sympathy!


Do you think she has any respect for you?

If the two of you were dating and you found out what she did to her ex husband what would you do?


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Haiku said:


> Chaparral asked how our daughter feels. She is sad. She had a few tears as I tucked her in a few minutes ago. I assure her that her mom, dad, and I love her very much. Tomorrow I will bring her real father into this.


Let's see Haiku, the wife dumps her 17 year old daughter on the step dad so she can go bang her lover (leaving the husband standing there with his hat in your hand looking like a chump). Like my aunt would say, " that gal's about as much of a mother as alligators are lap pets". Tell us again why you love this parasite. I'm missing something Dawg.
Hey, maybe she can quit screwing this weeks boyfriend long enough to get home for her Mothers Day present. Give us a hint of what the next episode is going to be like. 
Additional, sometime when thing are not as hectic, remind me to tell you about a former client whos exwife got p/o and accused him of some bad stuff with the step daughter. Suffice it to say he made bail and was eventually cleared.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm speechless.
Fill in biofather cut off the money and bolt.:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Expose this pos!!!
I'm done here.


----------



## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Haiku said:


> ...as I was serving dinner to our daughter. She sat and ate with her...
> 
> I sat with our daughter watching a movie as my wife quietly packed a few things and left.
> 
> Chaparral asked how our daughter feels. She is sad. She had a few tears as I tucked her in a few minutes ago. I assure her that her mom, dad, and I love her very much...



This is 17yo girl we are talking about here, right? 

Honestly this looks very odd to me. I'd just say that - if this is all real - you are an unnaturally kind ,soft, gentle and caring man... almost too much...

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Haiku please explain to all of us why we should even waste any more of our time trying to advise you when you have not listened to a word we've said. D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

I'm glad she's moving out.

1. Get a lawyer on Monday.
2. Set up an appointment for individual counselling ASAP
3. Talk to your daughter and your daughter's bio dad about setting up counselling for your daughter.

Best wishes.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You will realize that what she really is is mean. No slightly decent person does this.

Change the locks on your doors. Rent a storage locker and put her stuff in garbage bags and put them in the storage locker. Pay one months rent.

If you aren't afraid of him, pm us the link where you put him on cheaterville.

Bottom line, she thinks he is more manly than you. So far all you have shown her is weakness. There is no reason at this point to even wish you good luck. Send them the google link to his cheaterville post.

Have you googled him and found out what associations he is in?. Have you outed him?

Quit wallowing and get moving.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

That woman is what I call a "flat back".

She's spent so much time on it, her spine must look like a yardstick.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

How did the meeting go with the bio dad?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

dude if you aren't packing up her crap right now your nuts.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your lawyer can now get her for abandonment.

I'm surprised you didn't call her on that when she was packing. Most likely it could have scared her enough to stay home.

At the very least you should have told her to take her kid with!


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

the guy said:


> Your lawyer can now get her for abandonment.
> 
> I'm surprised you didn't call her on that when she was packing. Most likely it could have scared her enough to stay home.
> 
> At the very least you should have told her to take her kid with!



why scare her? She's mentaly done and has no respect for OP.
If I was him i would contact a lawer and get her served ASAP!
Take advantage of her total fog to get all done in your favor.
Only if she keeps up keeping you plan B and not willing to sign only then take a strong action


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Haiku makes excuses

A stepchild sees him in shame

Wife bangs her lover.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

oops the cuckold thread...

*quietly tiptoes back out the thread*


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Hey Guys,

Haiku has had his world rocked. We have seen this before.

He needs to find his balls. It takes time. It takes some anger deep inside.

Haiku,

No one is asking you to have a violent confrontation with the OM.

Not. At. All.

But what we are advising you to do is stand up for yourself, for your marriage.

Your wife will never respect you until you force her to.

Until you take a stand your marriage has no choice.

Call her Ex. For your daughters sake.

Bring the Affair to the attention of the OM's counseling firm. Post him on Cheaterville.

If the house is yours only then tell your wife she is no longer welcome in your home until she ends the affair.

Then bag her stuff in black trash bags and drop them off at the OM's home.

Then file for Divorce. Hand her the papers. Or have her served at his house.

Divorces take time. But she needs to see, hear and feel consequences.

She needs to learn to respect you.....

That is how you do it. 

Because a woman that not only leaves her husband/marriage but her only child has a screw loose in her head.

Get tough. Because if you truly love her you need to show her some tough love.

And she needs to understand that the man she is married to is capable of dealing it out.

HM

PS
Your wife is a liar.
Your wife is a cheater.
Treat her like one no matter how much you love her.
It might just save your marriage.


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

She is like a little girl on a merry go round riding one horse and then another. If she came home now you will never be sure when she will jump off you and onto another.

She wont stop until the merry go round stops moving. You need get off the merry go round.

A remorseful cheating wife would destroy the merry go round and burn it down with her own hands to prove to you how remorseful she was.

She would move heaven and earth to win and keep you.

You can see your wife is no where near that right?


----------



## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Wow... simply, wow. I am not sure if Haiku is a genuine BS or a T. But if he is a genuine BS, then he is almost beyond help. He is so dependent on her that he almost wants validation for his "nice guy" approach. His self esteem is so shot, that his WW could bang the OM on the BS' driveway, in full view without any fear of BS retaliation. (Yes, that will be my solitary BOOGIE NIGHTS reference for the day). And BS is tucking in the teen step daughter while WW goes off for her daily booty call with the OM? WTF? 

Haiku, if you are reading this, get this through your skull: She is NEVER, EVER going to be faithful to you. Her mental/emotional issues are so deeply entrenched in her Psyche, that decades of intense therapy will not even make a DENT!!!! I could go on bout how native China peoples' culture is SO emotionally different from ours, but it won't make any difference to you. 

YOU HAVE NO BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN WITH HER! YOU ARE PRESUMABLY, STILL PRETTY YOUNG (SUB-50?), YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT ON HER... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING AROUND FOR? SHEESH!!!!


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

A small man feels pain

Indecision gnaws his heart

Freedom lies ahead


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Haiku said:


> It's probably nothing new. Many have gone and are going through it but it's my story.
> 
> I love my wife.
> 
> ...


Divorce. Don't even hesitate on this.

She's a cheater, I think probably a serial cheater at that. 

No kids. 

Divorce. Good career, fit guy, so...... What are you waiting for. 


Divorce ASAP.


edit: Oh, she is serial cheater. The dude in China and the guy from the Club. 

So yeah..... A ho is gonna ho. Your wife is one. You can't change a ho. 

Divorce ASAP.


----------



## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Rushwater said:


> Wow... simply, wow. I am not sure if Haiku is a genuine BS or a T.


When it gets so bad that you can't tell the difference anymore, you know society is swirling the drain.

Enjoy the decline, my friends.

Hopefully the OP is putting a scheme to together to put this "lady" out on the street corner. If not, he should also join one of those groups that practice self flagellation.


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

So Haiku, what has happened with you recently?, I saw you posted today in other thread and your story let me unsettled thinking about you.

you seem like a nice guy that even raised another man's kid to build a nice life, and your wife gave you a tremedous sh*t sandwich.

Honestly I still think that the best for you was to move on without her, but of course I understand your desire to save your family.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

NotLikeYou said:


> Haiku makes excuses
> 
> A stepchild sees him in shame
> 
> Wife bangs her lover.


:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl:


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

manticore said:


> So Haiku, what has happened with you recently?, I saw you posted today in other thread and your story let me unsettled thinking about you.
> 
> you seem like a nice guy that even raised another man's kid to build a nice life, and your wife gave you a tremedous sh*t sandwich.
> 
> Honestly I still think that the best for you was to move on without her, but of course I understand your desire to save your family.


Hello manticore, thank you asking. This has been a difficult time and it's still not completely over - but it's getting close. I've learned a great deal through this experience. One is that we can't control the behaviors of others but we have all the control over that which we will tolerate. It's a simple and somewhat obvious lesson but often gets lost as we live out the busyness of our day. The second is that to a very large degree we don't get to choose the hand we are dealt in life, but we do get to choose how we play the hand. 

I plan to give some updates in the future it's just that now isn't good timing. 

Your concern, as well as others here, touches me. And to tell you the truth it helps. Thank you and my thanks to this site.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Haiku,

you are absolutely correct on both accounts, but towards the latter, while we deal with the cards given to us, there is no shame, no guilt in realizing that sometimes we need to know when to fold and when to walk away....if for nothing else but self perseverance and self worth. While others may not see the value in us to your first point, it is even sadder when we do not see it in ourselves. i wish you luck during your journey, may you discover greatness in yourself that you had over looked.


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Ya know... MMSLP is a must read for sure.

Also, just thinkin -- if he had smashed down the door and slapped mr marriage counsellor around, she would have melted in his arms and come home. Of course that's illegal and no one says he should. Just thinkin. Probably too late for anything now.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Haiku said:


> Hello manticore, thank you asking. This has been a difficult time and it's still not completely over - but it's getting close. I've learned a great deal through this experience. One is that we can't control the behaviors of others but we have all the control over that which we will tolerate. It's a simple and somewhat obvious lesson but often gets lost as we live out the busyness of our day. The second is that to a very large degree we don't get to choose the hand we are dealt in life, but we do get to choose how we play the hand.
> 
> I plan to give some updates in the future it's just that now isn't good timing.
> 
> Your concern, as well as others here, touches me. And to tell you the truth it helps. Thank you and my thanks to this site.


Thanks for stopping back in.
You don't owe us anything but if you want come back and vent.
Take care.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Ya know... MMSLP is a must read for sure.
> 
> Also, just thinkin -- if he had smashed down the door and slapped mr marriage counsellor around, she would have melted in his arms and come home. Of course that's illegal and no one says he should. Just thinkin. Probably too late for anything now.


Oh re the mc...
I hope you expose this fraud and he loses the job I would stop at nothing to make this happen at least make him regret he ever messed with you.


----------



## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Technically a cuckold is taking care of another man's child. 

It came from a cuckoo bird having many mates and laying her eggs in other nests. The term has been used for 100s of years but as of late seems to be a white woman / bbc thing. 

Hopefully you have packed her bags and didn't go along with the "let me visit him until I decide I don't want him anymore" route. She has 0 respect for you and will do this for the rest of your life if you keep her. She will never be exclusive again, especially knowing there are no consequences.


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Haiku,
Many have said it well, before me.

Your wife isn't truthful and she is probably cheating or cheated right under your nose.

Wake up to this....

I don't understand why you are considering putting up with her.

She violated your concerns. If you don't stand up for yourself, who will?


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Hello everyone -

Just a brief update.

The divorce is final. It was costly, but could have been easily worse. It was an amicable settlement process. I think we both feel there were aspects that favored the other, so that probably means it was fair. 

My daughter and I remain together and I will continue to provide for her care. She graduates this spring then off to college she goes. I am grateful for this arrangement. Despite the divorce I will continue to be as close to her as she feels comfortable. Teens graduate and move on in life. As a college student she will return home less frequently as her interest in her friends and individuality demand. That's natural maturation. 

I learned many things in this process. Many of them you'd think I would have known by now. 

For whatever value it may serve here are a few:

- I can not control the behavior of others, but I have control over what I will tolerate.

- The boundaries I set are not on others, but rather for me. They outline my limits.

- Pain can often accompany the act of 'doing the right thing'. Just because it hurts doesn't necessarily mean my choice of what's best for me is wrong. The pain means I'm human. I do not have to be mean, resentful, or hurtful. I am free to be respectful, compassionate, and caring...all while doing what is in my best interest. 

Now, if it had not been for one friend, my therapist, my attorney, and this community I would not be as well adjusted as I think I am. 

I want to say 'thank you' to everyone for their input and support. Your help made a difference in my life. Even with the gift of a poet I could not adequately express my appreciation. 

I continue to visit this site but less often up here. I tend to remain down below in the social areas. 

I wish you all good health, prosperity, and above all else - peace.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP- sorry for the process you had to go through, but I am also encouraged to read your update and see that you are adjusted well.

I wish you the very best life has to offer as you move forward with this new phase.

WD


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I'm Asian and has been married to my Anglo-American husband for 34 years; first marriage for both of us. Your wife, of Chinese descent, has been brought up to be loyal to the family. She is educated with a 17 year old daughter, but still a stay at home spouse. She is beyond redemption for any reconciliation; demonstrated in her serial cheating and totally no boundaries. Save yourself and get a divorce. You deserve better than this cheating, lying, spouse.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Sorry, I missed your last entry and you have divorced your unfaithful wife. You definitely deserve a better life without your ex-wife.


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Haiku sees the truth

You can't keep a good man down!

Dignity returns.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What do you mean costly ?


----------



## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Good update.



NotLikeYou said:


> Haiku sees the truth
> 
> You can't keep a good man down!
> 
> Dignity returns.


I enjoyed your contributions, NLY


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Haiku

Glad you found peace. And you are right, you can only control your actions.

Very telling that your stepdaughter stayed with you. Not surprised.

I'm sure you are both very disappointed with the Ex.

I'm sure the divorce hurt financially. I just hope you do not have to pay for any of her "trips" back to China.

Good Luck

HM


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

warlock07 said:


> What do you mean costly ?



In our case I mean costs in terms of financial, emotional, psychological, and possibly some medical. Many people share in those costs: my ex-wife, daughter, family, and friends. While I am steadfast in my belief divorce was the best and only solution, I derive no pleasure or satisfaction in my contribution to those costs. I felt no desire to celebrate when it became legally final. Whatever satisfaction I could feel was mediated in the price to purchase it. 

Not often do we get the opportunity to know we made a difference in someone's life. As I said earlier, you all made a difference in mine at one of the darkest times. I'd like to say thank you one last time. 

With this, so comes the end of my story and the thread. 

Cheers


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> Sorry, I missed your last entry and you have divorced your unfaithful wife. You definitely deserve a better life without your ex-wife.


very good advice all the same 

Not only was she a serial cheater, but she rubbed his face in it...was not careful at all...its like she didnt give 2 shats if he caught her or not...probably thought she was too smart and too smooth and could talk her way out of it...her narcassissm explains how she can be this way despite her cultural background and loyal upbringing...op did the right thing,,,let some other sucker finance this chicks crotch...maybe karma will kick in and she will keep marrying her om's only to screw them over...they deserve it for humping another mans wife


----------

