# What would you do?



## bigdaddy41 (Jun 17, 2010)

First of all let me say thank you to all those who choose to answer this question.

I have been married for arould 10yrs now and have come to the realization that the word love is often temporary, or at best, last long enough for you to make life altering mistakes. Don't get me wrong I still believe in love and in the hope that I will find it and live in it. I just don't know if I am in that place with my wife anymore. I have tried to communicate with her about my feeling and all she hears is what she calls complaints. I just feel like I should give up and let it all end.

So my question to you all is: If you had to do it all over again would you choose the same person you chose to marry or would you choose to hold out for someone better to come along?


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Maybe you and I should get together? 

If I had to do it again I'd RUN AWAY from the man I married. Heck, I'd make sure that I never met him! Yes, I'm still married to him but I don't live with him, thank goodness. 

Hold out for someone better? Eh, I don't need that. I'd stay single. I like that much better.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

bigdaddy41 said:


> the word love is often temporary, or at best, last long enough for you to make life altering mistakes.


:lol: How true!


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

I'm on this forum b/c the husband appears to be of low drive and it's driving me crazy. We've been together 7 years. This is a very difficult issue for me.

However, in spite of how much I would love to strut out in my sexy clothes, go Cougar on the hot young men and unleash my hormones on the world... my answer to your question is yes. I'm supposed to be with him. I don't know why I'm meant to be in this situation, but it must be to learn something. Still, in every other way, he's a wonderful husband and our relationship has had a major impact on my life.

What's more, he's affectionate and loving and our relationship is very strong all around. I believe if you knew your wife at the time you got together and you truly loved her then, and visa versa, it is possible to find that love again, although of course it is much easier said than done. I've been married long enough now to notice how little resentments can build, how people can change how they feel slowly over time based on what they pay attention to day in and day out over years. If you want to feel love for her, than LOVE her - use that as a verb. Love, the feeling comes from love the action. If you find yourself able to love her, day in and day out, you'd notice yourself behaving differently, actions change, some of those courting behaviors would sneak back into your repetroire - perhaps some of the things that reminds her of her love for you. 

I believe if a couple who truly loved each other once did this on a consistent basis, the feelings would return. If one member did it consistently, over time, the dynamics of the relationship would change. The wife would notice, perhaps fall in love with you again.

I can't know everything; there may be other dynamics at play here that will prevent this optimistic outcome, however we do have influence in our relationships if we're creative, wise and caring. 

Good luck.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

With everything in life there's always something better waiting to come along. But if you spend your life waiting for the next best thing...you'll never be satisfied.

If I had it to do again, i'd stick with the man I married and just do other things differently to see a better future result.


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## Rough Patch Sewing (Apr 18, 2011)

I think you have a definition of love that is "feelings based". In the beginning of my marriage to my wife we hit some majorly difficult relationship problems. We fought all of the time. I tried to change who she was as a person and visa versa. However, no matter how in love we felt, we decided to fight fair and apologize and forgive along the way.

Our financial situation and family stress right now are incredibly high, but deciding 7 years ago (yesterday was our 7th anniversary) that our love would be based not on feelings alone, but based greater on the commitment to love and honor one another, our marriage and "love" are really good.

If our love was based primarily on feelings, then yes, I would probably harbor feelings of "regret", because we have done a lot to hurt one another over the years. However, since it is primarily based on the decision to "love" each other, we have a strong commitment and vested interest in making the marriage work. 

For that, I wouldn't trade my wife in for Anything!

Try and see if the two of you can get back that "loving feeling" by changing the focus of the love in your marriage. Of course, if my above assessment does not makes sense to you and/or does not applies to your marriage relationship with your spouse, then I wish the best for you anyway.


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