# How do you deal with a husband who does not take care of his health and well being at



## jenin_1

Hi,

My husband who is 36 now drinks excessively, smoke up to 2 plus packets of cigarettes a day (each packet contain 20 cigarettes), does not excise, full of stress which i fail to see what kind of stress are they as everything in his life seem to be going well and worst of all that, does not eat AT ALL. I mean sometimes he can go two days by just having a chocolate bar and some crisps. I sometime gets very angry having thoughts like does he not care of his health? does he not care for his family, does he not want to be around longer. I am 23 years, and currently pregnant with our first child..I have tried everything to cook nice dishes for him etc..they just usually end up in bin. I feel as if sometimes I have a small child in the house who i have to take care of. From his really bad life style i sometime constantly find my self in fear of losing him from some bad fatal disease like cancer god forbid..Its really hard and tiring.

Sorry for the long post..any advice on how to deal with this or what to do about it will be highly appreciated as I am end of my rops and extremely sad.


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## dyskinesia

Was he like this before you got married and pregnant, or is this a recent development?


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## jenin_1

Thanks for the reply.

He started been like this 2 months after getting married. We have been married for 7 month now and i just become pregnant..10 weeks.


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## fairy godmother

Crazy, sorry to hear about your situation. Have you confronted him about this? Does he smoke in the house?


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## jenin_1

fairy godmother said:


> Crazy, sorry to hear about your situation. Have you confronted him about this? Does he smoke in the house?


 i have confronted him many times but everytime i do we just end up fightin.he simply dont want to hear anythn i have to say about his problem and usually get so defensive about it...he will always tell me i wil not have u or anyone tell me wot to do.i know wot im doing and just ignores me completely..sometime he wil use that as an excuse of goin out to get wasted untill 5,6 the next morning,mind u that was since 4 pm in the afternoon...he also has gambling problems..i just dontkow wot to do especialy with the baby comin...ur q about smokin in the house since i got pregnant he dont smoke around me and usualy go to the balcony
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## christine30

How about you get some pamplets showing the bad causes of smoking, and eating unhealthy - or say you to have to do a research about this and get some dvds and watch them together - guess he might think you are nagging him to much, or he feels he doesn't have to look good anymore since he is married. 

put up pictures of how he looked before around the house, and talk about the future with the baby coming along - he has to want to change for himself. 

good luck.


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## swedish

You say everything in his life seems to be going good but you also say he has gambling problems. Could there be some financial issues due to gambling that he may not be sharing with you?

He has several addictions and sounds as though he is in no position to be getting married and starting a family. Talking to him obviously is not helping as he is not willing to make any positive changes at this time.

You can only control how you respond to his behavior. At the moment, there do not seem to be any boundaries in place with regard to your marriage...he does as he pleases and does not seem to be a partner in marriage with you.


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## marriagesucks

My husband is the same. He is addicted to alcohol and is obese. Gained about 50lbs since we met...and got married.He does not exercise and I fear that he will either die, get a dui and lose his job, hurt someone or himself, or get some bad illness...and then I will be stuck taking care of him. He is now 50. His stomach is grotesquely huge from drinking beer every day. 

I have tried everything you have tried and more to get him to take care of his health, but he becomes defensive, curses me out. He basically does what he wants and I don't feel like I have a partner in marriage. He thinks because he works and I don't and I happen to live in his house that he can verbally slap me around and I have to take it. When we were dating and I was living in the big city and living independently he was a little mouse. Now I am stuck in a one horse town where the nearest decent job seems to be at least 2 hours away.

My advice to you is that you can't change him because he has an addiction. I went to a counselor asking advice and was shocked when he said I should leave because there was no hope with alcoholics. I am not saying you should leave.... but you will have to learn to live with the situation until, A. he changes, or B. you are in a position to change your situation.

I pray so much for our relationship to work. But sometimes I feel like I am in a prison. I want to get out. I think is this how I am going to live my life, taking abuse, with already an almost non-existent sex life after only 2 years...


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