# The forgiven wife



## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

I went to this site yesterday and I could not stop reading all the information. I cried, I smiled and I repented for being at Gatekeeper to our sex live. She has given me hope and actually made this LD wife excited about making love to my husband. I was so encouraged I went home last night and initiated sex with my husband. At first he looked at me like I was crazy, afraid to take the bait, because he is always the initiator. We had a great night. My hubbie woke up this morning and made me breakfast in bed. He was happy to say the least. I just hope that i AM ABLE TO KEEP a good attitude toward my husband and keep making strides.

By the way my favorite posts so far were in no particular order: Husband explaining why his wife's sagging breast were beautiful to him, the reasons a husband loves oral sex from his bride, and lingere, what it means to a man to see his wife wearing it. 

Has anyone else been to this site? If so what did you like about it?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Do you want to give a link?


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

The Forgiven Wife - Learning to Dance with Desire


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Pretty good stuff.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Reaper39 (Nov 25, 2015)

Can you talk to my wife?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Here is a post from the site:


_When you pray for your sex life, how do you pray?

Here’s how I used to pray:

Help me get through this.
Help me to not gag.
Help Big Guy be happy with this so I don’t have to do it again soon.
Help us not fight about sex this weekend.
Help this be over soon.
Please make it not be too bad of an experience.
Please help me have an orgasm so I get something out of it.
Please don’t let me have an orgasm because then he’ll think I like sex.
These were all prayers of negativity. They were prayers about not doing something. They were prayers of just getting through. They were prayers about avoidance and struggle. They were prayers about me.

Praying to get through something difficult sexually, I created some of my own problems. My prayers were me-focused. They kept my attention on negative things.

When I began to work on sexual intimacy, I spent a great deal of time rewriting the words that ran through my head so often—and that included my prayers. Instead of saying prayers of negativity, I began to pray about sex in terms of my husband’s experience or how our marriage will benefit, thereby keeping my attention on my husband and on our marriage.

Maybe changing my prayers didn’t make any difference to God because he knew what was I was really thinking, but the change helped my own attitude (which for me was often more than half the battle). And over time, the change helped transform my heart.

Here’s how I pray about my sex life now:

Let this be a blessing to our marriage.
Please let Big Guy feel loved by this time together.
Help me be comfortable as I do this.
Please make this a joyful experience for both of us.
Help this strengthen our marriage.
Help us build unity in our sexual intimacy.
Please help us rock each other’s world tonight.
My prayers about my sex life are now positive.

Rather than praying about struggle and avoidance, I now pray about seeking and celebrating God’s gift of sexual intimacy.

How do you pray about the sexual intimacy in your marriage?_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Thank you


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

Reaper39 said:


> Can you talk to my wife?


why dont you read it while she is around. maybe it will make her interested and she will read it herself.


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

Here is another post that brought me to tears. About a womans breast 

Some women worry that their husbands compare them to women they’ve seen before in porn, and that makes it harder to believe when a husband says, “You’re beautiful.”

Today’s post is from–gasp!–a man. Donald Hines writes eloquently about why a wife’s breasts are perfect for her husband.

It really helped me better understand my husband’s continuing attraction to my middle-aged body.

Donald, thank you so much for helping us see through a husband’s eyes!

——————-

A woman’s breasts change over time, and that’s OK! It’s better than ok. We husbands love those breasts, just as they are, including all the changes that come with age and use, because they are attached to the one we love, and have HISTORY!

Breasts in a magazine or on a computer monitor aren’t REAL breasts. And I don’t just mean that they are probably air brushed implants, it goes way beyond that. You can’t touch them and feel them. You can’t enjoy the way pleasuring those breasts pleases the person they are part of. Porn breasts are just objects; a wife’s breasts are part of a PERSON, and that makes them infinitely more sexy and appealing.

Porn breasts have no history! A wife’s breasts bring back memories of the first time she offered them to you, of all the different sexy outfits she has used to accentuate them just to please you. They remind you of soft kisses on her nipples on a rainy night, and of desperately, hungrily, devouring them in a strange hotel bed. You think about a time you touched those breasts with the soft delicate strokes of one finger, and of the sound of her sigh as you did it. And also of a different night when she shouted “More!” and moaned loudly as you groped those wonderful breasts firmly with both hands at once.

You remember watching those breast hypnotically swaying over you while you made love, and you remember them lying against her chest and, oh so gently, moving in rhythm with her breath during the afterglow of orgasm. When you see your wife’s breasts, you are reminded of how they looked, lit by the soft golden glow of a candle, which she lit just so you could enjoy looking. And you also recall those breasts as invisible but oh so incredibly soft and inviting pillows in the dark of night. You remember, not only when they were younger and firmer, but when they were bursting with milk, when they developed that first bit of droop, and when they showed their first stretch mark, and ALL of that is just part of the history of these oh so wonderful organs.

A wife’s breasts may have stretch marks, and they may not be as full as they once were, but that’s because they’ve been USED, and you’ve sure enjoyed being part of that. Those stretch marks are like the wear and tear on an often read book. Seeing worn spots on the corners of the cover, or the occasional bent page corner, doesn’t make you hate the book, it just reminds you fondly of how many times you’ve read it, and of how much enjoyment it has brought, and of how it has enriched your life. You love the old worn book because it has history, a personal history of enjoyment between you and it. You TREASURE each of those signs of use, and a brand new and unmarked book wouldn’t satisfy you at ALL in the way this one does. In the same way, those stretch marks on a wife’s breasts aren’t unattractive; they are beautiful evidence that she is alive, and real, and of the wonderful uses those breasts have been put to over time.

A wife’s breasts are so much more than just objects. They are part of a person. They are the combination of so many memories and so many nights of passion that you could NEVER replace them with ANYTHING that would be more perfect.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

That was beautiful, luv. Thanks for sharing it.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

luvinhim said:


> Here is another post that brought me to tears. About a womans breast
> 
> Some women worry that their husbands compare them to women they’ve seen before in porn, and that makes it harder to believe when a husband says, “You’re beautiful.”
> 
> ...


This is exactly the way I feel about my wife's body after almost 50 years together....She is a wonder.....The feel of her skin is just as I remember it from my youth....I have enough wonderful memories to last through eternity...


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

This link is what got my wife to say "I'm sorry" to me.

Unbearable Lessons - The Forgiven Wife

She read it after I sent link to her and realized that she was viewing me in the same light as her abusive hs bf.

I read her site every week & get insight into what my wife may be thinking / feeling. I then will ask my wife to read some of the articles so we can discuss.

Here is a short example from end of her article from link above - 

"Does your husband bear the burden of the terrible power of your childhood lessons about men? Do you sometimes respond to them instead of to your husband within your marriage (just as I did while I was writing this post)?

My husband is not my enemy; the Enemy is my enemy.

The teachers of my childhood lessons are not my husband; my husband is my husband.

When you look at your husband, who do you see?"


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Another really good write up.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

That site has pretty powerful, truthful posts. This is one that really struck a chord with me:

Giving Up - The Forgiven Wife

I feel as though I could've written that email. Because that was exactly how I felt. I figured I served no earthly purpose but I could still take care of her if I was dead. I had a growth on my forehead, that every body kept telling me to get checked out, but I had already figured out that if I died from cancer at least she would be taken care of. I even took out a life insurance policy that would have paid off everything that we owed and then some, just in case. I had given up on life.


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

Ynot said:


> That site has pretty powerful, truthful posts. This is one that really struck a chord with me:
> 
> Giving Up - The Forgiven Wife
> 
> I feel as though I could've written that email. Because that was exactly how I felt. I figured I served no earthly purpose but I could still take care of her if I was dead. I had a growth on my forehead, that every body kept telling me to get checked out, but I had already figured out that if I died from cancer at least she would be taken care of. I even took out a life insurance policy that would have paid off everything that we owed and then some, just in case. I had given up on life.


ynot, do you still feel this way about your marriage?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

luvinhim said:


> ynot, do you still feel this way about your marriage?


My marriage is over. I have been divorced for over a year. But that feeling is something that I remind myself of whenever the fantasy of a reconciliation arises in my mind. 
I felt that way for a reason. I was very unhappy and did not have a clue how to resolve the issue. I was like many who considered divorce to not be an option because I had made a vow to this woman. Any time I tried to discuss the issue I was answered with a threat from her to that she was doing the best she could and if I didn't like it she was leaving. At one point she flat out told me that she didn't even think about it (sex) because she was just too busy. It got to the point where I stopped initiating and stopped even trying to talk about it. I become resentful and in the end she finally left.
Looking back at it, I realize I was in a horrible place. I truly had given up on life and found no joy in any aspect of it. I was just waiting to die.
Reading some of the posts by men and women who truly enjoy their sexuality here on TAM makes me realize how limited my own experiences have been due to these issues in my marriage.
I really hope that I find a woman to share myself unconditionally, perhaps for the first time in my life.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i analysed my relationship with my wife. i came to the conclusion that those posts on forgivenwife are my future, if i didnt change something. 

actually, now that i mention it, i am always analysing our marriage. everything about it, from our financial future to our sex lives, to our frustration levels and overall happiness. i dont think people do this much. the first year we were married, my wife got pregnant and had health issues. i thought, maybe things will get better when we get passed that. well, after the birth and the medical issue being resolved, she treated me worse, still refused sex. long story short, i eventually set about trying to find out how to trigger in her the emotions she was triggering in me, and i told her exactly why i was doing it and gave her full warning ahead of time. everything changed. she started to feel what i felt and she didnt like it at all. 

i cannot describe how incredibly close we are nowadays.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> i analysed my relationship with my wife. i came to the conclusion that those posts on forgivenwife are my future, if i didnt change something.
> 
> actually, now that i mention it, i am always analysing our marriage. everything about it, from our financial future to our sex lives, to our frustration levels and overall happiness. i dont think people do this much. the first year we were married, my wife got pregnant and had health issues. i thought, maybe things will get better when we get passed that. well, after the birth and the medical issue being resolved, she treated me worse, still refused sex. long story short, i eventually set about trying to find out how to trigger in her the emotions she was triggering in me, and i told her exactly why i was doing it and gave her full warning ahead of time. everything changed. she started to feel what i felt and she didnt like it at all.
> 
> i cannot describe how incredibly close we are nowadays.


I admit that I am guilty of not taking the bull by the horns. I went into my marriage thinking I knew how it should work. I didn't take the time to analyze what was wrong, I just knew something was wrong. I figured there had to be something wrong with me or with her (but mostly me, since I had placed her on the pedestal) since everyone knows how a marriage is supposed to work.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Ynot said:


> I admit that I am guilty of not taking the bull by the horns. I went into my marriage thinking I knew how it should work. I didn't take the time to analyze what was wrong, I just knew something was wrong. I figured there had to be something wrong with me or with her (but mostly me, since I had placed her on the pedestal) since everyone knows how a marriage is supposed to work.


i probably analyze things too much... for instance, i even analyzed my wife's responses to various questions in order to find out what topics trigger her, what it looks like when she lies, what honesty looks like, etc. i paid attention to the surrounding environment whenever i saw an emotion that didn't make sense, and i paid attention to her mannerisms and facial expressions. i even paid attention to the changes in the way she smells.

she hasn't been able to lie to me in years...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

luvinhim said:


> I went to this site yesterday and I could not stop reading all the information. I cried, I smiled and I repented for being at Gatekeeper to our sex live.
> 
> Has anyone else been to this site? If so what did you like about it?


Kudos to @FrazzledSadHusband for posting a link to The Forgiven Wife website in another thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

luvinhim said:


> Has anyone else been to this site? If so what did you like about it?


After your post, I looked up the site and here's what I thought about it. I'm not sure if I just had the bad luck of picking "bad" blogs or if what I was reading was in fact the true theme for the site but my immediate thought was "WTF?". The good.....the blogs are meant to encourage women to meet their spouses' need for sexual fulfillment. The bad.......women should do so _unconditionally_ - disregard their needs and rugsweep their reasons for not wanting sex in the first place. I think 'Honor thy husband' is a wonderful tenet of marriage, but 'Honor thy husband even though he's being a d!ck' is not. 

Sex is the Sacred Cow. In order to make sex a 'positive' experience, the author advises women to basically compartmentalize their minds. The goal is to keep relationship issues and resentments from negatively impacting a wife's ability to perform to her husband's satisfaction. IOW, in the bedroom everything should be hunky dory even if the rest of the relationship is a disaster. The author bases her blog on the belief that men establish intimacy strictly through sex and therefore, if a wife wants to fix the problems in the marriage then she should be fulfilling her husband's sexual needs. I don't know about other women but I cannot force my resentments and hurt to the back of my mind, much less compartmentalize my mind this way.

So the good.....the target audience are Christian conservative men and women stuck in loveless/sexless marriages who can't escape because of their belief that divorce is a mortal sin. The purpose of the site is to help these people find ways to cope with what seems like a hopeless situation. The author believes that Christian women stuck in these unhappy marriages can improve (not necessarily fix) their situation through sex. Because she advocates for unconditional meeting of sexual needs she doesn't worry too much about the 'whys'. Based on what she's written about her own marriage, I think she knows that there are limits to this method but some improvement is worth looking the other way. 

I would recommend this site to LD Christian women who are single-handedly trying to improve the unhappiness in their marriage. They are satisfied treating the symptoms and can't or, for whatever reasons, are not able to resolve the 'whys'.

I wouldn't recommend this site to a non-Christian woman nor would I recommend it to those couples who are working _together_ to fix problems in the marriage. There are better sites out there which delve into resolving the 'whys' of bad marriages instead of just treating the symptoms.


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

Lila said:


> After your post, I looked up the site and here's what I thought about it. I'm not sure if I just had the bad luck of picking "bad" blogs or if what I was reading was in fact the true theme for the site but my immediate thought was "WTF?". The good.....the blogs are meant to encourage women to meet their spouses' need for sexual fulfillment. The bad.......women should do so _unconditionally_ - disregard their needs and rugsweep their reasons for not wanting sex in the first place. I think 'Honor thy husband' is a wonderful tenet of marriage, but 'Honor thy husband even though he's being a d!ck' is not.
> 
> Sex is the Sacred Cow. In order to make sex a 'positive' experience, the author advises women to basically compartmentalize their minds. The goal is to keep relationship issues and resentments from negatively impacting a wife's ability to perform to her husband's satisfaction. IOW, in the bedroom everything should be hunky dory even if the rest of the relationship is a disaster. The author bases her blog on the belief that men establish intimacy strictly through sex and therefore, if a wife wants to fix the problems in the marriage then she should be fulfilling her husband's sexual needs. I don't know about other women but I cannot force my resentments and hurt to the back of my mind, much less compartmentalize my mind this way.
> 
> ...


Hi Lila, while I agree with you that this site is targeted to the Christian woman (which I am by the way). It can also help non christians as well. We all have resentments and I do not think they should be ignored. If you or myself really want to salvage our marriages we must meet our spouses need for intimacy while continuing to work out the kinks.

This has been so hard for me because I do still have resentments. I am resentful taking his shiiit for so many years and not standing up to him. I am resentful to him for damaging my relationship with my sister. I am resentful for him not taking care of his body and gaining so much weight. I am resentful for the way he has treated our children (his anger problem). Buuut I do still love him and I do not want to tear our family apart. It would kill the younger ones. 

So I am doing my part to work on my husbands heart (which is through sex) That is his main love language--physical touch. He has been trying so hard to hold this marriage together ( i wanted a divorce).. He is in counseling and has apologized to me for the way he has treated me in the past. He is engaging with the children and his approach is softer.

Id be a fool to not try to rebuild this marriage with a man who is earnestly trying. He needs sex. He has always loved sex with me. He loves my body--even after birthing children, breastfeeding and some minor illnesses. So I am opening the gates of my loving and giving him full access to it.!! If he fncks it up this time im out and he knows it.


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