# Do bi sexual women have enough heart to love their husband and a girlfriend?



## landtech06

Hello I am new here and it's my first post.

My wife and I of 7 years together 6 years marriage, 3 kids together.

We agreed to a open marriage closed on mine open on hers. She says shes bi sexual. 

I am willing to see if this is what she wants or not. She has had no exp. but wants to explore that side of her.....

Can a bi sexual women have love for her husband and a girlfriend?
Any ladies out there that have this exp!?


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## SunnyT

Sure she can.... who wouldn't looooooooooooooooooove a hubby who LETS you cheat on him? 

I would think.... that as a spouse, it would suck to know that your partner does not really want to be committed to you, and that they might like someone else who comes along....


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## Hope1964

IMO you are asking for TROUBLE with this. Whether it's with another man or another woman, you're allowing her to have 'fun' outside your marriage. That's just going to end BADLY.


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## SunnyT

I think I'd tell her... sure you can have girlfriends, as long as I can too.


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## COGypsy

So you're willing to let her date and sleep around until she decides whether she really loves you or gay bars more?


What if she'd said she loves blondes AND brunettes? Would you stay home and babysit while she sampled that too?

Cheating is cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Darkhorse

Bi doesn't mean you get two at the same time. Wtf. She's bi, meaning she likes men and women. So she needs to pick one and be with that one...or not be married and just troll around.

If it's open, it should be open for you BOTH. Bet her tune will change then.

The nerve of some people. SMH.


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## SockPuppet

Im going to go out on a limb here and say it would be possible for a relationship to function happily if the relationship is open for one and not the other. That being said, I doubt I will ever meet anyone who I think this would apply for.

Your gf is bisexual, so you offer her the opportunity to date other girls.... Keep in mind that dating isnt just her "experimenting". She is seeing these other girls and looking for a spark.

This really is no different than if you gave her the green light to date other guys, just to see if there is someone better out there. Genitalia make no difference.

I wouldnt be surprised if the subconcious reason men are ok with this type of relationship is because they are hoping it will land them a threesome or some awesome pics of wifey and another girl.


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## Shaggy

Heres the thing with bisexuals. It's not that they get around by both sexes, they are open to complete relationships with either sex.

So by telling your wife she can explore you are really telling her it's ok to go out and find another person to date and have a full on relationship with. As in, she and the OP and nt you.

Btw, very often the other women in these relationships inst interested in bring number three and the odd person out. Instead they want your wife all for themselves. So what could possibly go wrong wth your marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown

Why are you allowing an open marriage, that is closed on your side??

Man up and wise up, bricks.


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## landtech06

Well, she had said she would need to reconsider our marriage if had to suppress these feelings. Feelings for a woman so she may feel fulfilled and/or see if she is even interested in woman or not like she thinks she is. Of course watching "the L word" all the time, doesn't comfort me at all. I have 3 lil kids, she doesn't work, ::sigh:: its tearing me up. 
Your right its hurts that she doesn't want to be completely commited to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## expatforlife

Of course she said that, she is walking all over you because you let her. You have became her doormat. 

If she wants to explore other relationships male or female its either you both have an open marriage or you need to let her go.


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## COguy

So basically your wife is saying she's attracted to other people and she's going to reconsider your marriage (where she committed to loving you and only you until death do you part) unless you let her go cheat on you....

Your problem is not with your wife, your problem is that you lack the self-respect to stand up for yourself. At this point your marriage is already in shambles. You either need to find out what needs to happen in order to fix your marriage (counselling, manning up, discussion on what lead to this point), or start divorce proceedings.

Unless you enjoy financially and emotionally supporting someone who has no respect for you or your feelings...in that case, carry on.

Has this really come up out of the blue or has she been dropping hints like this before you were married and all throughout it? If this is a sudden thing, you're dealing with a cheating spouse.


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## Cooper

How are you going to feel when one of her girlfriends who is also bi decides to bring one of her boyfriends along for the party? And remember every person she has sex with is also having sex with others, no telling what kind of nasty gift she could end up giving you. Personally I couldn't imagine being involved with someone who was activly seeking out sex with strangers, I don't care what gender they are. 

For me it's black and white, be commited to your spouse and kids and marriage or....get a divorce.


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## LimboGirl

This isn't just about you and your wife. Your children will learn that men are doormats and not to be respected. With all the messages in the media that already support this they don't need Dad saying it too. If you think you can have an arrangement like this and the kids not know, you are kidding yourself. This would be a toxic arrangement for your family.


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## Halien

landtech06 said:


> Well, she had said she would need to reconsider our marriage if had to suppress these feelings. Feelings for a woman so she may feel fulfilled and/or see if she is even interested in woman or not like she thinks she is. Of course watching "the L word" all the time, doesn't comfort me at all. I have 3 lil kids, she doesn't work, ::sigh:: its tearing me up.
> Your right its hurts that she doesn't want to be completely commited to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't you consider it odd that she expects you to have no qualms about suppressing your own feelings about this situation? When you begin to realize that love means caring about your partner's feelings also, and never hurting them as part of your own selfish gratification, you'll be able to answer the question of whether you two are married, or just have 'an arrangement'. Standing up for yourself WILL resolve this problem. She'll either tell you that you don't matter to her and divorce, or change. Let her make the decision. Why not turn the situation around, and tell her that the future of the relationship is in her hands? It is highly likely that she only threatens to 'reconsider' your arrangement because she feels like you are desperate to keep her in your life. That's a sad alternative to finding true love with someone who cherishes you, and wants you in their life because they love you.


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## RandomDude

> We agreed to a open marriage closed on mine open on hers... she had said she would need to reconsider our marriage if had to suppress these feelings... I have 3 lil kids, she doesn't work...


:scratchhead:



> Your right its hurts that she doesn't want to be completely commited to me.


What was your first clue?


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## COguy

Halien said:


> Standing up for yourself WILL resolve this problem. She'll either tell you that you don't matter to her and divorce, or change. Let her make the decision. Why not turn the situation around, and tell her that the future of the relationship is in her hands? It is highly likely that she only threatens to 'reconsider' your arrangement because she feels like you are desperate to keep her in your life. That's a sad alternative to finding true love with someone who cherishes you, and wants you in their life because they love you.


I agree with the message but we only know a little bit about the marriage and it is all his side of the story. It could very well be that she is only having feelings about girls now because he's been an emotionally distant husband for the last 5 years of their marriage. If she's not satisfied in the marriage and he lays down the ultimatum without offering to fix the problem, she might go off the deep end.

Before I'd lay down an ultimatum, I'd make sure you're not driving her away. Not saying that her behavior is acceptable by any stretch of the imagination, but you have to decide if you'd rather be "right" and divorced/cuckolded, or be in a happy marriage. I'm living proof that any wife living unsatisfied for years is capable of seeking extra-marital fulfillment.

I think you need to grow some cajones, stand up for yourself, but also be man enough to see if you're driving your wife into the arms of another (wo)man. Has she been hinting that she's unhappy for a while? Telling you there's no connection? You're just roommates? She loves you but isn't in love with you?

Also, there's a strong possibility she's already met her partner and is already involved physically or emotionally. If you're not on snoop patrol here's your blinking red sign. You need to go Mission Impossible on her phone, text messages, emails, physical location. She wouldn't be thinking about just running off and meeting random women unless there was already one that is tugging at her heart strings. This is, of course, assuming that this is something new and hasn't been an ongoing issue your entire relationship. I am assuming it's not or else you wouldn't be asking the question now 7 years after marriage.

Edit: I reread your OP. I think you need to clarify your agreement on an open marriage. Was this agreed before you got married? Or just recently? How recently? Did you suspect she was cheating before you agreed to it?

Obviously if you agreed to it before you got married, then the issue is yours and not your wife's. And I wouldn't consider it cheating if you agreed she could screw other chicks and she did. I guess I don't understand your post.


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## Shaggy

There is this sense of entitlement the bi people, women especially, seem to have. That somehow they have a right to "cheat" or explore as they call it.

WTF! Why do they think this is somehow acceptable for them to seek out relationships with others, and cheat? 

Call her threat. Because it shows her true commitment to the marriage and to you.

It's the same thing as a man telling his wife that he gets lonely out on the road for work, and she must accept him seeking company with other women, but it's ok as long as he comes home at the end of the trip.

If she can't be true to you and her vows, then tell her to leave now, so you can stop wasting your life with her, and you can find someone who would't be demanding the right to cheat.

Think about that - she is essentially, 

demanding the right to cheat

Is this someone you can see being married to? What if this was a guy she wanted permission to cheat with? Cause it's 100% the same.


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## Halien

COguy said:


> Before I'd lay down an ultimatum, I'd make sure you're not driving her away. Not saying that her behavior is acceptable by any stretch of the imagination, but you have to decide if you'd rather be "right" and divorced/cuckolded, or be in a happy marriage. I'm living proof that any wife living unsatisfied for years is capable of seeking extra-marital fulfillment.
> .


I understand. I was pretty much just taking the OP at face value. The Op's wife had to have some reason for wanting him to stay committed to the relationship, even if she didn't, so it seemed that she wants a relationship, albeit selfishly. Also making the assumption that someone who sacrifices his self-esteem for a relationship is generally overly conscious of her needs over his own.


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## COguy

Halien said:


> I understand. I was pretty much just taking the OP at face value. The Op's wife had to have some reason for wanting him to stay committed to the relationship, even if she didn't, so it seemed that she wants a relationship, albeit selfishly. Also making the assumption that someone who sacrifices his self-esteem for a relationship is generally overly conscious of her needs over his own.


I think you can do both. You can have low self-respect and be overly accomodating AND be completely unaware of what caused the disconnect.

I was kind of like that in my case. My wife told me she wanted to "find herself" and I was supporting that. Not because I thought she'd screw around but because I wanted her to be happy. I didn't know that my actions were CAUSING her to want to "be free". So in my case I was both overly accomodating and unaware that I was pushing her away.

May be the same with him, that thing he said about wanting her to be happy tipped it off for me. He might think he's doing the right thing by letting her experience other people sexually so she'll be happy, all the while not realizing that he's been pushing her away for a long time. If that's the case, the manning up needs to come not just from stopping the extra-marital relations but in learning to meet your wife's needs.


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## Jen's Husband

Shaggy said:


> There is this sense of entitlement the bi people, women especially, seem to have. That somehow they have a right to "cheat" or explore as they call it.


I was about to comment on this because I've been in a similar situation for the past 5-6 months, but Shaggy has hit the nail on the head. I don't fully understand where this attitude comes from but it's definitely there with my wife and it sounds like it with the poster's wife as well. 

My wife suggested the same "open" marriage set up whereby she was free to meet others but I was not. My shame is actually having considered the whole thing, though we were going through so many other problems I think it was more a form of just numbly going along, until I saw more clearly thank God.

I think that the basic expectation of fidelity with a spouse applies whether or not the other is bisexual or if the other partners are the same gender. It also worries me that so many people who behave this way are exposed to a lifestyle that could harm the health of everyone involved (I mean the multiple partners thing, bisexual or not).


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## annagarret

No . She can't love both of you the way both of you need and deserve to be loved. She needs to choose you.


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## landtech06

:iagree:

Whew! hot topic....

I see. Yes alot of you have hit the nail on the head.

Hard to comment on everyone. 

Very frustrating and yet an eye opener in other ways too.

Thank you, thank you very much for everyone's answers..


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## UnwantedWife

As a bisexual woman who has dated, fallen in love with, and had fulfilling sex with both men AND women before I met and married my husband, it honestly sounds like your wife is trying to have her cake and eat it too. Its not fair to you and no one should have to feel like they aren't enough for their spouse.

I will admit that it is a challenge to be bisexual in a traditional man/wife/children lifestyle but that is the choice we made when we said our vows.

Now I know its contriversal but I'm all for open sexual relationships when
1- the relationship is stable to begin with, and the couple are both just looking to spice up their sex life
2- both parties get to partake in the agreed upon acts, there is no double standard
3- both parties remain HONEST and communicate clearly, respectfully, about their boundary lines.

Your wife is not respecting you in that she's has pushed you to agree to something you are not comfortable with and that is a big red flag that this is going to go horribly horribly wrong.
Sex outside the marriage when done carefully is still a very dangerous act and can in fact ruin perfectly wonderful relationships so should never be taken lightly. Couples who attempt to be "open" or "swing" or whatever term you use have to be able to trust and respect each other, which it sounds like isn't happening in this situation.

I wish I could play devil's advocate and talk about how much I miss being with other women since I've married my husband but the truth is, it doesn't work that way. Yes, being with another woman is physically different from being with a man. However saying that I miss being with another woman so much that I should be allowed to stray outside of my marriage to have sex with other women is about as ridiculous and as absurd as saying I miss being with black men/short men/skinny men/whatever sort of man my husband isn't so I should be allowed to have sex with them as well.
It just doesn't make sense and its obvious that she is being alittle too selfish in her requests.


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## landtech06

I tell ya, this was the last resort to "save" our marriage. 
It's not gonna work from what you all are saying. Yep. Feels like divorce is comin next stop divorce forums.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrspink

HERE is my opinion. don't let her! i am also bisexual and married for 2 years. my husband thinks its awesome but i never do anything about it. Do you know why? because i love my husband and even if he gave me the green light i couldn't ever be intimate with someone other then him. Letting her do this is opening a can of worms and will most likely make her not cherish your body.


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## COguy

landtech06 said:


> I tell ya, this was the last resort to "save" our marriage.
> It's not gonna work from what you all are saying. Yep. Feels like divorce is comin next stop divorce forums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It CAN work, but it requires the two of you to WANT to make it work. It sounds like you may want it to, but she is definitely not there yet. There are some specific steps you can take to increase the likelihood that she will want to make it work, but it is that, work. There is no easy solution, even if you work together on your marriage you're both in for a long hard road to recovery.

That being said, divorce is not the "easy" way out. You're going to have a lot of pain in that road too and don't forget that she's the mother of your child so you're going to be involved in her life for the rest of your life anyway. You'll need to forgive her [eventually] and treat her respectfully no matter what road you take, unless you want to make your kid's life miserable.

I can tell you that my wife's affair was the best thing to happen to our marriage, and even though it was the most painful, tramautic experience of my life, I would do it 100 times over to get to where we are at now. And I mean that truthfully.

Do not make the decision to work on it or divorce easily. Take time to think about it, and don't assume you have to make a hard line right away. Both decisions will require effort, involve pain, and be difficult.


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## Shaggy

It sounds like she has bargained in bad faith. 

She says it wnt hurt you, but here you are seeing that divorce is on its way. All due to this thing that wouldn't affect the two of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown

landtech06 said:


> I tell ya, this was the last resort to "save" our marriage.
> It's not gonna work from what you all are saying. Yep. Feels like divorce is comin next stop divorce forums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jesus Claus, *from what we are all saying??*

If it felt right to you, there would not be a thread.

Next stop should also be the counselor's office. Learn to respect yourself more, so that this can never happen to you again!


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## Enginerd

COguy said:


> So basically your wife is saying she's attracted to other people and she's going to reconsider your marriage (where she committed to loving you and only you until death do you part) unless you let her go cheat on you....
> 
> Your problem is not with your wife, your problem is that you lack the self-respect to stand up for yourself. At this point your marriage is already in shambles. You either need to find out what needs to happen in order to fix your marriage (counselling, manning up, discussion on what lead to this point), or start divorce proceedings.
> 
> Unless you enjoy financially and emotionally supporting someone who has no respect for you or your feelings...in that case, carry on.
> 
> Has this really come up out of the blue or has she been dropping hints like this before you were married and all throughout it? If this is a sudden thing, you're dealing with a cheating spouse.


:iagree:


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