# Decision to be Child-Free and Pressure from Parents



## MikeG (Feb 15, 2012)

I would like to ask what your opinions are about not wanting children and pressures you face from all around you. Do you all want to have children? How do you put an end to this pressure over something that is so personal and private? What is the obsession with children? Are people so stupid that they don't see that they are acting like robots, wanting things that has been programmed into their genes.

It is quite interesting to witness this phenomenon. Everyone in the world seems to be hooked onto the idea of having children, and anyone that dares decide to break the status quo of their culture and society, is persecuted for not fitting into their norms. It's almost seen like a crime not to have children. There is definitely mind-blowing prejudice and preconception against people who don't want to have children. Why?

I've heard all the explanations. I am not stupid. I think what is stupid is to have children for the sake of people just shutting up about it once and for all. I've been pressured so much, especially by parents that they don't care about my feelings at all. I quite frankly have come to the conclusion that this is an unhealthy obsession. And if a child was to be born, perhaps so much obsession would lead to so many other problems with such narcissistic individuals.

I think the best thing would be to just tell everyone that there is a biological problem, and nothing can be done anyway. So everyone just backs off. Has anyone tried this? Does this work?

And no, I no longer think honesty works with people. Especially narcissistic people who have caused me so much misery growing up, and who don't care how I feel.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I think the best thing would be to just tell everyone that there is a biological problem, and nothing can be done anyway. So everyone just backs off. Has anyone tried this? Does this work?


Nope. I've told people I'm actually too old to have kids (because I'm 47!!), and they tell me I can adopt.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Your previous problem was that they want to arrange a M for you. If there is no M, there will be no children. 

If you are set on being child-free, please be up front with that with any future spouse (I hope you get to choose your own wife BTW)

Child-free life is not that unusual in the US


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Just be honest - or don't answer the questions, after all it's nobody's business but yours.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting children, so just say "I don't want to have children" and leave it at that. If they keep on change the subject or walk away.

Seriously, you're an adult, it's your right to decide whether or not you have children, nobody else's.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is a perspective I bet you never came across before.. 

I am copying & pasting my post from this thread *>>* http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/181210-kids-no-kids-regrets.html .....



> * Simplyamorous said:*
> 
> Speaking from one who Dreamed of a larger family (I hated being an only child and envied my best friends large family growing up, they inspired me)...yet I would never say this about childless couples -EVER.....I have always stood up for couples who choose to NOT have kids.... because if there is anything I have learned in life & the pursuit of happiness...by just observing others...their story's....it is this >>>
> 
> ...


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## Vanille (Dec 13, 2014)

I didn't want children and I accidentally got pregnant. It's been a struggle for me. Don't let them get to you, stick with whatever makes you happy.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

MikeG said:


> I would like to ask what your opinions are about not wanting children and pressures you face from all around you. Do you all want to have children? How do you put an end to this pressure over something that is so personal and private? What is the obsession with children? Are people so stupid that they don't see that they are acting like robots, wanting things that has been programmed into their genes.
> 
> It is quite interesting to witness this phenomenon. Everyone in the world seems to be hooked onto the idea of having children, and anyone that dares decide to break the status quo of their culture and society, is persecuted for not fitting into their norms. It's almost seen like a crime not to have children. There is definitely mind-blowing prejudice and preconception against people who don't want to have children. Why?
> 
> ...


We didn't have children and it was a biological problem. People don't really back off and its more a headache explaining that to people. They have a tendency to look at you like the spouse that cant have kids as being broken somehow. 

My stbx couldn't have kids and I don't know how many times I heard how hard it must be for me because I couldn't father a child because of her. I found that quite annoying. It also made my spouse upset, like she failed in some way. Kids weren't in the cards, it was something we had dealt with years earlier and it was no ones business but our own. We quit explaining or discussing it to people.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

I agree with you. I don't think anyone should be expected to have a child. I'm sorry your parents are pressuring you. I wish you the best of luck.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

This was on my Facebook today. Perfect timing for this discussion! 
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6333318

I have one child who is almost a teenager, who was not planned, and will never willingly have more. I had a tubal as soon as legally possible. I get the "so are you two going to have kids?" question now that I'm on marriage #2 and my answer is always "No, we don't want kids. We like our family as is and we enjoy the freedom that comes with not raising another baby." 

People who are really pushy about it usually shut up when I start referring to a fetus as a parasite, like a tapeworm  

Just some suggestions


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I am 46 and child-free by choice.

In my younger years, I got alot of pressure, especially from my mom. (I was raised Mormon and they advocate having big families). I never lied. I said that I love children, but they're just not for me. For those who dug deeper, I very firmly said, "Well, since we're getting personal, let's talk about your salary. How much do you make?" Shut em up real quick. 

While I think honesty is the best answer even though you don't think it is, you don't have to spout a treatise as to why you don't want children. If they persist, silence can very effective, too.


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## IWantGreatMarriage (May 20, 2014)

I think tradition expects everyone to have children, and where am from, I have never actually heard anyone courageous enough to say no. Actually people pity those without children without even knowing if they wanted kids or not


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

OP, if you do not do what mainstream wants you to do, you get grief.

My wife and I did the exact opposite of you, not only did we have kids, but we had more than 2. We had 5 without being religious. And on top of that we chose to home school and do some other crazy things.

You will get pressure if you do not do what society tells you to do. Relax, it is not going to change. Do what your heart is telling you. Do it genuinely, respect others and they will respect you sooner or later. It may take a while, but they will respect you.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Duguesclin said:


> OP, if you do not do what mainstream wants you to do, you get grief.
> 
> My wife and I did the exact opposite of you, not only did we have kids, but we had more than 2. We had 5 without being religious. And on top of that we chose to home school and do some other crazy things.
> 
> You will get pressure if you do not do what society tells you to do. Relax, it is not going to change. Do what your heart is telling you. Do it genuinely, respect others and they will respect you sooner or later. It may take a while, but they will respect you.


:iagree:

Any time you go against the "norm" people will say something. We chose to not circumcise our son, to babywear, and I nursed our son past a year old. I got a lot of grief for those decisions, but I always stuck by those choices we made. It's what we wanted and we're happy. That is all that matters. If it works for you, then continue on. You can't make everyone happy.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

intheory said:


> I looked this up and learned something new today.


I *love* babywearing(now toddler wearing, too) and most of my family has come around to that decision after some time. My mom even asked if she could wear my son in the carrier a few months back. Although not everyone likes it and my grandma still bugs me to put him in the stroller instead of the carrier. Oh well. I love it and so does my son, so we continue to do what works best for our family.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Duguesclin said:


> OP, if you do not do what mainstream wants you to do, you get grief.
> 
> My wife and I did the exact opposite of you, not only did we have kids, but we had more than 2.* We had 5 without being religious.* And on top of that we chose to home school and do some other crazy things.
> 
> You will get pressure if you do not do what society tells you to do. Relax, it is not going to change. Do what your heart is telling you. Do it genuinely, respect others and they will respect you sooner or later. It may take a while, but they will respect you.


I thought you might like this for a laugh.  

Jim Gaffigan - 4 Kids - FaithTap

I love Jim Gaffigan. This had me cracking up.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> I thought you might like this for a laugh.
> 
> Jim Gaffigan - 4 Kids - FaithTap
> 
> I love Jim Gaffigan. This had me cracking up.


Thank you, great link! I can totally relate, 4 out of our 5 kids were born at home and they all slept with us. Some more crazy stuff!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Too funny, A7! Thanks so much for sharing!

And women _are_ amazing!


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