# No sexual drive, ever! Help!



## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

Hi There!

I'm new here, and need some anonymous people to talk to and get advice from. 

I'm 21 & been married for 2 years (YES i know that's heaps young but my husband and i are both Christian & believe in no sex before marriage etc etc)

So obviously we never would have known that when we got married that my sexual drive would plummet. When we first were dating i loved making out & pushing the boundaries without actually ever having sex, but know i just don't feel anything! I mean i'll look at other guys & not feel anything either. My husband starting to give up on the world & us, he was so wonderful in beginning, so understanding and patient. But it was always me, it's like i have a this inner wall up in my brain that doesnt allow romance, attraction and emotion to pass through. ive tried Horny Goats weed (but i always forgot to take it) so that didnt work, i'm off the Pill, but my libido is still no where to be found! I love my DH so much i dont want to lose him but i don't understand why i can't just brake through this barrier, i think i'm scared, you watch movies and sex in the movies is so planned, so romantic, it flows! i freak out and want a plan for sex, but need to understand that i have to let go..but i cant! I do get into sex once we start, but sometimes i can't even get into it..

Grew up with mum and dad fighting, 95% sure they never had sex, so i grew up watching a marriage function without affection and love towards eachother. Hubby thinks we're just two friends living together. I've made an appointment to see a Councillor this week, maybe i do have underlying problems suppressing my emotions? 

hope that all makes somewhat sense!


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Follow through with your counseling.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Would increasing the foreplay help? This book might bevery helpful and is written from a Christian perspective on marriage and sexual intimacy. And They Were Not Ashamed


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## suzett (Jul 12, 2011)

You have shared that your libido is not what it needs to be. Well, here's the thing, hormones can fluctuate and that can cause a lowering of the sex drive. But it might just be that you need a little time to "get the engine going" so to speak. I recommend you take a nice bath, light a candle, put on some romantic music and request a back rub ( have him take his time), the physical touch of the back rub should help you to feel more aroused. Then simply be affectionate and have sex with your hubby. This should be something you do regularly. Don't avoid sex because you are waiting to feel fireworks. If the back rub doesn't help try to find a compounding pharmacy that will get you a prescription for a little testosterone ( if helps to raise the libido) just a tiny dab will do it. Don't get all stressed about this, just learn what will work for you, and enjoy your husband.


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

- You are a woman
- You are Christian
- You wanted to wait until marriage to have sex.

I'm not surprised you hate sex.

I don't see how your "problem" can be fixed, you have and always will have alot of hang ups about sex. You are normal... considering you are a Christian woman. 

It's not in your nature to like sex or physical intimacy. Your husband surely knew it was gonna be like this so he'll have to live with it.

If a man marries a deeply devoted christian woman who doesn't want sex before marriage.... *He should not be surprised when the marriage turns out to be sexless. *


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## kay (Jul 12, 2011)

Maybe you should try doing things or going to places you used to go when you weren't married and you can watch x-rated films together, go on another honeymoon.


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## Zaphod (Jun 1, 2011)

steak said:


> - You are a woman
> - You are Christian
> - You wanted to wait until marriage to have sex.
> 
> ...


That is a highly prejudiced, judgmental and insulting thing to say.

Perhaps you haven't noticed, but Catholics have huge families and tend to go at it like rabbits more often than not. Even the Amish are into sex, in fact they condone sleeping together before marriage as a way to determine compatibility.

What you said was the equivalent of insulting any other ethnic group by making vague, unflattering and nasty comments about them in a flippant manner.

To the OP. I suspect that what may be the issue is how you saw your parents act and interact. I've heard say that one's expectations and standards for most all social interactions are heavily influenced by the situation one grew up around. Even if we don't accept it and think that we'll be different, many times we end up the same. Fortunately there is freewill and the ability to exercise it. The poster who suggested the long baths and back rubs and the "just do it" line of thinking is right on, it seems that while you lack experience in this realm you can easily establish your own baseline by setting *your* relationship expectations beyond what you grew up seeing with your parents.

Good luck, and ignore those who simply wish to post in order to belittle your faith.

Slainte


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

Zaphod said:


> That is a highly prejudiced, judgmental and insulting thing to say.
> 
> Perhaps you haven't noticed, but Catholics have huge families and tend to go at it like rabbits more often than not. Even the Amish are into sex, in fact they condone sleeping together before marriage as a way to determine compatibility.
> 
> What you said was the equivalent of insulting any other ethnic group by making vague, unflattering and nasty comments about them in a flippant manner.


It's hardly insulting considering that christian women want to be seen as asexual. They think sex is dirty and wrong.

But if I did insult anyone, I'm sorry. But I've seen so many posts like this... 'man marries a christian woman who doesn't want sex before marriage and marriage turns out to be sexless'.

I don't really think men who marry Christian women should expect sex or physical intimiacy. They should know that the marriage will be sexless and without any affection what so ever.


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## Zaphod (Jun 1, 2011)

steak said:


> It's hardly insulting considering that christian women want to be seen as asexual. They think sex is dirty and wrong.


Oh? And where do you glean this nugget of wisdom? The concept of sex in Christianity is hardly one of asexualism. One doesn't go forth and populate the planet by not having sex, and that's just from the first book of the Old Testament. You seem to have a lot of ingrained prejudices, please try and have more of an open mind regarding other cultures and practices.



> But if I did insult anyone, I'm sorry. But I've seen so many posts like this... 'man marries a christian woman who doesn't want sex before marriage and marriage turns out to be sexless'.


That's called Confirmation Bias. Do you also notice that there are thousands of posts where there is no religious affiliation or belief stated that make the same claims? Because they're there. You're seeing what you want to see in order to justify your own prejudices. We all do it to some extent regarding our own views, just in this case it is so glaring.



> I don't really think men who marry Christian women should expect sex or physical intimiacy. They should know that the marriage will be sexless and without any affection what so ever.


You pseudo-apologize for insults, then hurl a zinger at the end. Clearly you have no experience with Christianity, or what experience you do have was profoundly negative and colored your view against the entire religion without any further corroboration needed.

In any event this is OT. The OP has an issue, and belittling her entire belief system and faith is the last thing she needs. To claim that Christians strive for asexuality is not only insulting but grossly untrue and displays little more than gross ignorance on the part of the person making the claim. 

Please, you're intolerance is not helping her.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Aye, that is the biggest load of crap I have ever read. My wife and I are Christian and have a very affectionate relationship. Her drive has died over the years but had nothing to do with our religion.

In fact her sister is much more devout than we are and they have a great sex life.

To the O.P. Definitely do the counseling and maybe even have your hormone levels checked. Good luck!


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

Zaphod said:


> Oh? And where do you glean this nugget of wisdom? The concept of sex in Christianity is hardly one of asexualism. *One doesn't go forth and populate the planet by not having sex*, and that's just from the first book of the Old Testament. You seem to have a lot of ingrained prejudices, please try and have more of an open mind regarding other cultures and practices.


True, but I suspect for alot of Christian couples sex is for that reason only. I doub't Christians have sex for their enjoyment... It's probably like once every second year when they want a new baby. And only in the missionary position too 





> That's called Confirmation Bias. * Do you also notice that there are thousands of posts where there is no religious affiliation or belief stated that make the same claims? *Because they're there. You're seeing what you want to see in order to justify your own prejudices. We all do it to some extent regarding our own views, just in this case it is so glaring.


True... but even so if a marriage is sexless, 9 times out of 10 it's because the woman doesn't like sex. 

And I do think that christians have alot more hang-ups about sex in general. Infact I know they do because if a woman has hang ups about sex... more often than not it's because of a strict conservative christian upbrining. 





> You pseudo-apologize for insults, then hurl a zinger at the end. *Clearly you have no experience with Christianity, or what experience you do have was profoundly negative and colored your view against the entire religion without any further corroboration needed.*
> 
> In any event this is OT. The OP has an issue, *and belittling her entire belief system and faith is the last thing she needs.* To claim that Christians strive for asexuality is not only insulting but grossly untrue and displays little more than gross ignorance on the part of the person making the claim.
> 
> Please, you're intolerance is not helping her.


My maternal family where very strict Christians, I do have experience with Christianity and I'm not belitling it.

All I'm saying is, if you want to be a *good* christian then you are *supposed* to think sex is disgusting and wrong, you are supposed to have an extremley conservative view on it, you are *not* supposed to have sex simply for enjoyment, its for reproduction only.

So why would the OP want to change? She is being a good Christian by disliking sex and I respect that, thats her belief


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## Zaphod (Jun 1, 2011)

And you are absolutely wrong. What you experienced are individuals acting a certain way, not an entire faith and belief system. You've ignored my pointing out the absolutely huge families Catholics have, as well as the Amish (and Lutherans), etc. Your experience is your own, and nobody elses, and reflects reality for the rest of Christianity in much the same way that somebody running into my car at a stop light reflects on all of the other drivers on the road.

You are in fact belittling her and her faith. She's here because she *doesn't* want her situation and wants to change it.

We have nothing more to say. If you wish to wreak your revenge against Christianity, do it at your own expense, don't make another human being looking for help feel worse than she already does.

Good day.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Sheeeesh. 

Steak-What you are describing is indeed the experience of some women. Unfortunately, it was mine. But please understand that it is *not* the experience of all women. I know plenty of Christian women who happily went at it with their husbands after they were married. Making gross generalizations does no good. The OP is clearly not happy with her circumstances and came here for help. 

To the OP- I've been where you are. I know exactly where you're coming from. I could have written your post word for word 3 years ago. Literally. Don't stress about this. It is fixable. I'll pm you when I get a chance. Until then, find this book and start reading it: Amazon.com: Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure (9780578033952): Sheri Winston CNM. RN. BSN. LMT: Books


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## mysteryman (Apr 15, 2011)

do listen to what* steak* says, the bible does not say that sex is dirty, sex is only dirty outside of marriage, because in the eyes of God sex outside of marriage is fornication which is a sin and sin is dirty in God's eyes.

go to here Guide To Love Making to learn some awesome love making tips and exotic questions for couples to ask each other it will open you to a new realm of sexual happiness yet to be attained in your marriage, you seem to be tired of sexual boredom i highly recommend it for you and your husband I wish you both the best.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Our situation was similar and you can work through it. open and honest communication is the most important part. counseling should help if you are diligent with it.


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

Holy Crap on a Cracker!

Ok, Steak - Have you ever even thought to OPEN the Bible? Sex in the Bible is encouraged (after marriage) it is said to be a enjoyable, passionate thing to finally become one with your partner & that a woman's bodys is the mans and the mans body is the womans. i think you came to the wrong spot to give me advise, your basically telling me to get ready for divorce, did you not read my post for HELP? it said "i DON'T want to be like this", not "can someone please accept me & tell me sex is dirty- don't have sex"
Its pretty full on when you've grown being told don't have sex before marriage, then you get married and suddenly anything goes?! Did you ever wonder MAYBE i had self esteem issues? or i'm embarrassed? Geez, FYI i have PLENTY of EXTREMELY sexually active Christian girlfriends whose upbringing in the Church was the same as mine. 

Thank you Zapod, for sticking up for my beliefs as Christian and a Woman. 

And everyone else, didn't realise how much help i could get! 

Mgirl - looking forward to the PM
Checking out books and links etc..

I have a Councillor appt today, hopefully all goes well! 

will update when i return from appt!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You're 95% sure your parents had basically a sexless marriage? I suspect that's at the root of your problem. How would you know what a healthy sexual relationship even looks like? What you brought to the marriage knowing about being a wife was learned by watching your mom. If she wasn't comfortable being sexual or romantic, then, there ya go. The good news is that you have everything you need right now to be and to experience everything God intended you to. I think the counselor is a great place to start and if you both keep searching long enough, I bet y'all figure this problem out together. In the meantime, even if you don't feel like having sex, don't neglect to act romantic and loving to your husband. To a guy, a rejected sexual advance feels a lot like he's being rejected. Refused sex can feel like refused love and not many marriages can tolerate that for long. Push come to shove, he can give himself an orgasm but he can't give himself love, affirmation, nurturing. That's your job and you're the only woman on earth he should get those things from. Smooch, cuddle, take long walks, have him brush your hair, give him massages. Do whatever you can to stay intimate even if you don't magically feel like having sex.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Good luck in your counseling session! It wouldn't be a bad idea to make an appt with your doctor. Maybe you have some underlying metabolic issue?


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

girlinneed said:


> Holy Crap on a Cracker!
> 
> Ok, Steak - Have you ever even thought to OPEN the Bible? Sex in the Bible is encouraged (after marriage) it is said to be a enjoyable, passionate thing to finally become one with your partner & that a woman's bodys is the mans and the mans body is the womans. i think you came to the wrong spot to give me advise, *your basically telling me to get ready for divorce*, did you not read my post for HELP? it said "i DON'T want to be like this", not "can someone please accept me & tell me sex is dirty- don't have sex"
> Its pretty full on when you've grown being told don't have sex before marriage, then you get married and suddenly anything goes?! Did you ever wonder MAYBE i had self esteem issues? or i'm embarrassed? Geez, FYI i have PLENTY of EXTREMELY sexually active Christian girlfriends whose upbringing in the Church was the same as mine.


I'm not saying you should get divorced. I do think though that your husband should accept the fact that you dislike sex.

You can't force yourself to like something. You are who you are. And you happen to be a person who dislikes sex, theres nothing wrong with that. Most women are just like you. You are completley normal.

"sexually active Christian girlfriends"

They might be active but I don't think they like sex, or would even bother to have sex unless their hubby initiated it.

It's probably the type of sex where it's missionary only while the woman waits for the man to be done with it already. Christian women... and women in general regardless of religion have a very conservative and prude_ish_ view on sex.

It's not just that you are Christian.

It's in your nature as a woman to dislike sex, regardless if you are Christian or an Atheist or whatever.


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> How would you know what a healthy sexual relationship even looks like?


To women a healthy sexual relationship is one that... has no sex, its one where the man begs for it and gets rejected over and over and over again while she witholds it. THAT is a "healthy" sexual relationship to women.


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

steak said:


> I'm not saying you should get divorced. I do think though that your husband should accept the fact that you dislike sex.
> 
> You can't force yourself to like something. You are who you are. And you happen to be a person who dislikes sex, theres nothing wrong with that. Most women are just like you. You are completley normal.
> 
> ...


So what do you expect my husband do to? masturbate in the shower every morning cos his Christian wife wont satisfy him? i don't need to explain myself to you, you are very unhelpful in this situation. Telling me to accept myself and our sexless marriage is saying "get ready for divorce" as,how long do you think my husband will stick around for if i did that? mm don't bother replying, its just wasting time & making me feel worse.


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

girlinneed said:


> So what do you expect my husband do to? masturbate in the shower every morning cos his Christian wife wont satisfy him? i don't need to explain myself to you, you are very unhelpful in this situation. Telling me to accept myself and our sexless marriage is saying "get ready for divorce" as,how long do you think my husband will stick around for if i did that? mm don't bother replying, its just wasting time & making me feel worse.


As far as I know Christians don't believe in divorce, especially not Catholics.

So don't worry, He might feel frustrated, sad, depressed, rejected, unloved... but he is not gonna leave you even if you don't want to have sex. Marriage is until death do you apart no? 

You got him trapped, you got the upper hand over him, you got control over him. He is trapped in a sexless marriage until death... If he wants to be a good Christian atleast. Divorcing is pretty much a sin right?


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

girlinneed said:


> So what do you expect my husband do to? masturbate in the shower every morning cos his Christian wife wont satisfy him? i don't need to explain myself to you, you are very unhelpful in this situation. Telling me to accept myself and our sexless marriage is saying "get ready for divorce" as,how long do you think my husband will stick around for if i did that? mm don't bother replying, its just wasting time & *making me feel worse.*


Don't be like that  HOW can you possibly feel bad?

You got your husband right where you want him, You got all the power in your marriage. You got the upper hand over him. 

The one who wants sex less always has power over the one who wants it more.


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## Calendula (May 7, 2011)

Weren't you banned not long ago steak? Or do I have you confused with another person?


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

I smell a TROLL. Don't take the bait, he's peeing down your leg and calling it rain.


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

grizabella said:


> I smell a TROLL. Don't take the bait, he's peeing down your leg and calling it rain.


Hey atleast I'm on topic. You're not. You don't really have anything to say at all.

What purpose does you post have except insulting me?

If you really do think I'm a troll then don't read my posts.


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## steak (May 6, 2011)

I'm just telling it like it is.

She DOES have the upper hand over him, so she's got nothing to feel bad about. 

She doesn't have it hard, for her the situation is good. Yet she acts like she is struggling. Why? Theres no need to feel sorry for her. She isn't suffering AT ALL... her husband probably is though.

If anything, her husband has it 10x as "hard". He's stuck in a sexless marriage and has been for the past 2 years with a woman who obviously has a alot of hang ups about sex and generally dislikes it.

Compare his situation to hers


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

Can you refrain from posting anything, you are no help & are causing more problems then fixing them. I've listened to your advice, i don't agree- bad luck, now go away.


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

Craggy456 said:


> Good luck in your counseling session! It wouldn't be a bad idea to make an appt with your doctor. Maybe you have some underlying metabolic issue?


Thanks Craggy, ive always wondered that, i'll see how my Counselling goes, i'm pretty much open for anything! I think i've got some selfish issues to work with.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

His name is Steak because he is about to be barbecued.

To the OP, have you thought about a sex therapist?


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> His name is Steak because he is about to be barbecued.
> 
> To the OP, have you thought about a sex therapist?


I'm going to a relationship/sexual Councillor first, then from there i'll see where else i need to go!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

girlinneed said:


> I'm going to a relationship/sexual Councillor first, then from there i'll see where else i need to go!


You've got a plan and you're going to execute it. Exactly right. A decent plan executed with plenty of effort now is far better than a perfect plan "sometime eventually". Good luck.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hello girlinneed ~

( ( ( Hugs ) ) ) from one lower drive gal to another!

I have been married 23 years now and have constantly struggled with a lower drive (at times even a no drive like you), but have been able to make it work with my husband.

First off, big kudos to you for wanting to pursue this! So many wives, I think, feel this way at some point or points in their marriage, and don't pursue trying to make it better.

Lower drive in a woman is not actually that uncommon of a thing. It can result from a combination of so many different things - some of them physical, some of them emotional, some of them you have control over, some of them not so much. So, I have found that it really helped me to not fret about it too much and to keep telling myself that I am not totally abnormal or defective. Do some research and you will find you are in good company.

Low sex drive in women - MayoClinic.com

Low Sexual Desire Common in Women

I am glad to see you are going to see a counselor. I think that will be beneficial to you. Is your husband also going with you? The reason I ask is that in a marital relationship the way you feel about your husband plays a big role in your desire level for him. One thing that often happens after the euphoria of the honeymoon phase, is that the reality of everyday living sets in and that can often put a dampener on a woman's desire. Remember that just as you are struggling through this, so is your husband. I would try and maintain as much physical contact with him as you can - holding his hand, touching his shoulder, kissing him, running your hand through his hair - giving him affection.

Also, if you are able to be aroused even when you don't feel the desire first (I am often that way), I would suggest trying to make yourself as open as possible to trying to be aroused. See if you two can learn ways that will get you aroused - by massages and caressing, by kissing. The arousal phase in a woman can often be in a different order than in a man. Men feel desire very strongly and often because of their higher levels of testosterone. They then can become quickly aroused. Many women are the opposite - they feel much less or even little desire often because of their much lower levels of testosterone, but they can often be aroused especially if they have a strong emotional connection with their husband (just research 'Rosemary Basson' to learn more about the response cycle of a woman.)

Desire In Women: Does It Lead To Sex? Or Result From It? | Psychology Today


There are so many good books and links that you can explore for further information. Here's just a few you can peruse if you are ever interested in doing some more reading:


Explore these if you feel you are inhibited or sexually insecure:

Amazon.com: Sexually Shy: The Inhibited Woman's Guide To Good Sex (9780984057467): Bukod Books: Books

Amazon.com: Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (9782913356559): Kevin Leman: Books


Look into these so you and your husband can explore whether you are both doing the things needed to meet each others needs, or to even explore what those needs are. These are both books that you and your husband can read together, and I have given the web-site links that contain activities you can do together:

His Needs, Her Needs

Home - Five Love Languages


If you are a Christian couple, you may also want to read this site. It contains some good information from a more Christian perspective (don't mind the weird title):

Frigidity and sexual coldness in normal women: the shocking secret.


Whew! I gave you all this information so you can just be prepared. Knowledge is power! And the biggest sex organ truly is between the ears. If you have a strong love and respect for your husband, and a willingness to work at it and compromise, you can have a great sex life.

God Bless.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Girlinineed, I personally never lost my sex drive but I had alot of sexual hangups because of my christian upbringing & what was pounded into me before we married. I know it affected my mind & hindered me sexually-well beyond our honeymoon. Not sure if this is your issue or not. 

I wonder if you masterbated before marraige and if you felt that was wrong also? 

Here is my story , unlike Enchantment I believe I was always high drive, been masterbating since I was 11 or 12 , but still wasn't any 
wild thing when I married, till I overcame these things. 

I really do believe MUCH of our sexualness starts inbtween the ears, so long as we have enough regular hormones circulating within our bodies. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...sets-collide-sexually-repressed-awakened.html

Mgirl should be able to relate to you very nicely.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

kudos to any person who admits they have an issue and asks for sincere help. i would encourage you to get a full medical checkup (as was previously suggested). it seems curious to me that you are so resistent to at least trying to have sex with your husband. you appear to be repulsed by the thought. is there anyway possible to at least try to get over the wall and make a run at a few sessions with hubby? you might get more comfortable and actually find you like it.


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Hello girlinneed ~
> 
> ( ( ( Hugs ) ) ) from one lower drive gal to another!
> 
> ...



Wow thank you very much! Councilling so far is just with me on my own as i have all hang ups within me which i want to sort out then i will bring hubby to a couple of sessions which was recommended by the Councillor. My 1st session was yesterday, it more of a "Spill your guts session" so then next week she can actually help me focus on things to fix and work through, she did say that i put up a protective shield whenever things get bad. E.G Hubby and i fight over me not wanting sex, he goes into another room annoyed and pissed while i can just go straight to bed and sleep soundly! weird! BUT anyways.. 

I need to adapt the whole "just do it" thing. Like i said previously, i tell myself to "just do it" at like 5pm, but when hubby gets home and wants some emotional/sexual relation with me i freeze! and i feel this wall go up & then everything feels impossible. I love my hubby, i still look at him and go "Oh yeah, your good looking" so i don't know what the heck my problem is! 

I agree with everything you say, and i want to practice that but it's the whole "just do it" attitude that i need to suck up! I have actually booked myself in to the doctors tomorrow just to get a full medical JUST in case i do lack certain hormones or whatever.. 

I thank you so much for putting your time into my problem.. i just want to be happy with my husband so we can finally look forward to a beautiful future together!'

GB Girl in need


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> kudos to any person who admits they have an issue and asks for sincere help. i would encourage you to get a full medical checkup (as was previously suggested). it seems curious to me that you are so resistent to at least trying to have sex with your husband. you appear to be repulsed by the thought. is there anyway possible to at least try to get over the wall and make a run at a few sessions with hubby? you might get more comfortable and actually find you like it.


Thats my aim OkeyDokie, break through this mental wall i have! Problem is..we've been so unhappy for so long it hards to think what its like to be happy & when we have moments of happiness it feel unnatural  & i think because we've not been sexual for so long its almost..how do i say this? Embarrassing! to talk about it and do it in a way..


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## girlinneed (Jul 12, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Girlinineed, I personally never lost my sex drive but I had alot of sexual hangups because of my christian upbringing & what was pounded into me before we married. I know it affected my mind & hindered me sexually-well beyond our honeymoon. Not sure if this is your issue or not.
> 
> I wonder if you masterbated before marraige and if you felt that was wrong also?
> 
> ...


Mgirl has and still is being very helpful! God bless her!

Never have masturbated..nor do i know how to! & yes i did think it was wrong, as i never tried or felt the urge to.


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## RAYMOND (Feb 5, 2010)

girlinneed said:


> Mgirl has and still is being very helpful! God bless her!
> 
> Never have masturbated..nor do i know how to! & yes i did think it was wrong, as i never tried or felt the urge to.


My wife always thought it was wrong but she has a good sex drive so it is not necessarily that. I knew it was wrong for me as well before marriage as I would get images of others if I tried like a kind of mental adultery.

I think you need to be awakened slowly. Lots of kissing etc. like before you were married. Make it fun but keep it slow. Do other things with no pressure. Don't go for IC. Do other things. Talk to hubby. Get him to understand. Be in a darkened room to start with. I think you will slowly awaken and will genuinely want it if the pressure is off but you do need his co-operation. Don't let it be too long until you are enjoying it a little. Obviously pray about it as well.

Also make sure you do not read any of Steaks posts.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

Pray to God, and he will fix your problem!

It's that simple!


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## Mom of three (Aug 3, 2011)

I just need to figure out how to post something on here without the reply can anyone help me?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Mom of three said:


> I just need to figure out how to post something on here without the reply can anyone help me?


On the "Threads in Forum" web page, click the "New Thread" button above all the threads. Then you can start your own thread/topic.

C


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## DG3 (Jul 13, 2011)

You may want to see your gyno and get your hormone levels checked. Mine were way out of whack for awhile and I lost all libido. Also, counseling is a great idea! I agree with previous posts about taking a hot bath, candles, back rub. Also, I don't believe watching porn is a great idea, that kind of sex is emotionless and dirty, especially from a religious background (I am too). I love reading erotic books, I wish I could remember the name of one but I just can't. I don't enjoy porn, but the book was a great way to get me in the mood. It was about erotic fantasies. Read it in the tub? Anyway, best of luck to you and please cut yourself some slack. You need to summon your sexy in any way feels right to you.


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