# Death of a Dear Friend



## Sara Scofield (May 6, 2016)

A close friend suicided Sunday after a nasty fight with her alcoholic abusive husband. I am so furious at him I could scream! He smoked pot and drank excessive amounts of booze, refusing to get a real job, while she suffered from about 5 different debilitating conditions that left her in pain, refused to get her health insurance because he" couldn't afford it." He abused her so bad she killed herself. 

I am so furious I can't even cry.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

That is horrible. I am so, so sorry


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I am so, so very sorry. Please take care of yourself - drink plenty of fluids, eat and rest.

That pos husband will get his in the end.


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## Sara Scofield (May 6, 2016)

Now I have been asked to do the eulogy. I don't know if there are enough nerve pills in the word.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

That's horrible, and my prayers go out to you. I've had two very good friends, and my little brother who took their own lives. All three left kids behind. They were all going through tumultuous relationships or breakups.

I always think of suicide as the ultimate act of selfishness. Yes, I was angry, and still am to a degree, with my brother's ex for being the catalyst for his suicide. That was 7 years ago. The thing is, though, I was also angry with him for being so selfish to put his own son through the pain of his death, not to mention his brothers, other family members, and his many friends.

I know you're angry with her husband, and rightfully so, but she was the one who chose to kill herself instead of walking away or getting help elsewhere. Just remember that just to keep it in perspective.


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## Sara Scofield (May 6, 2016)

I am over the anger now. I just want peace and to remember her with love. Now how to find the right words to help everyone else get there...


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

So sorry. My most deepest and profound sympathies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

-


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sara, I'm sorry for your loss. It must be heart breaking to know the details as you do but to not be able to really do anything about it.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I'm very sorry for your loss.

My mother attempted suicide when I was 13. Took a bunch of pills that thank God weren't enough to kill her.

But I was angry with her for a long time. I saw it as selfishness, too. And I thought that as long as there is life, there is hope. But those were the thoughts of someone who had never experienced depression.

Years later, after my son was born, I had post-partum depression. To the point that I truly believed my newborn son, and everyone else who knew me, would be better off without me. Your thoughts are not rational when you are depressed. You don't think, "There's something really wrong with the way I feel and the things I'm thinking. I need help." You just think this is what your life is going to be from now on - that it will never be any better. You also feel overwhelmingly guilty - like you're truly the cause of everyone's problems because you're a terrible person. Again, your thoughts are not rational - they're not your own thoughts at all.

I couldn't tell my Mom about this during it or afterwards because she was gone. She died of heart failure when I was 26, 8 years before I had my son. My doctor noticed the signs on my first post-partum checkup 6 weeks later, and got me counseling and SSRIs. I wish I could tell my Mom I finally understand how she felt, and I'm sorry I thought she was selfish.

I'm very sorry for your loss, again, and do understand why it made you angry. I'm very sorry, too, that your friend went through so much in her life and was as depressed as she was. It's the most terrifying feeling I've ever experienced, and I experienced it for about six weeks. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, except maybe those who think it doesn't exist. And even then, I'd only wish it on them for about five minutes. That's more than long enough.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Someone so miserable, so hopeless, so frightened; who feels they can't ask for help. Or, if they did no-one would help them.
> 
> That person is "selfish" "Selfish" enough to perhaps stick a gun in their mouth, or slash their wrists, or stand in front of a fcking train.
> 
> ...


Have you been through a suicide from a brother, or a close friend?

Selfish may seem like a harsh word, but in reality, it's the best word that fits, in my opinion. I still harbor a little anger toward all three, and if any of them were here today I would say it to their face.

I've been through a helluva lot of pain in my life, too, and thought about suicide more than once. I questioned whether I could function, whether I could maintain any level of sanity, or whether anybody really cared. I didn't really have a support system in place at those times, either, and nobody even knew what was really going on. With the help of God, I toughed them out, got through them and got better.

There are cases where suicide might be the best solution, i.e. a terminal illness. I wouldn't consider all suicides selfish, just the ones that were close to me.


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## Sara Scofield (May 6, 2016)

My friend was in constant pain, suffered from about debilitating illnesses and could not afford health insurance or the treatments to fix any of them. If I lived in that kind of daily pain I might well choose to end it as well. Is that selfish? Sounds like someone's opinion who should count their lucky stars they don't live in daily pain.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Nomorebeans said:


> I'm very sorry for your loss.
> 
> My mother attempted suicide when I was 13. Took a bunch of pills that thank God weren't enough to kill her.
> 
> ...


Agree. For me, when I was at the very deepest depths of depression, I would have twenty to forty minutes of soul crushing emotional pain when I'd feel the full weight of my depression. It crippled my thinking. It caused me to cry uncontrollably and from the outside, seemingly completely irrationally.

At those times, I could easily have taken my life. It actually would have taken me great strength to pull it off, because it is a fearful consideration to end life. Many say it's cowardice. It certainly is a kind of giving up, but more than anything, it's a firm conclusion that it's the only way to end the searing pain which completely and utterly overwhelms any other thoughts or emotions. 

I'm so sorry for your friend, you, and the families of the beloved. May she finally find the peace and joy she longed for in this life.


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## evitaa (Jul 4, 2016)

So sorry!! My heart felt condolence.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sad. Just too sad.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My profound sympathy goes out to both you and her immediate family, Sara!

In performing her eulogy, please fill it full of your love for her, being certain to extricate all of the hate!

Please rest assured that our Heavenly Father has welcomed your friend into His presence with loving open arms, and will personally deal with those that brought her earthly torture! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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