# Simply dont know what to do.



## Maverick82 (Apr 29, 2013)

Recently my wife and I attempted to have a second child. After 2 months it ended in miscarriage. It was particularly devastating to us because we had been trying for a year. Fertility Dr's and a surgery. Not long after the loss I found my wife spending more ad more time alone. It was odvious she was depressed and for good reason. She would not respond to my request to talk about what was going on with her. I knew what the issue was but my attempts to comfort her and be there for her were met with resistance and even anger at times. We had the type of relationship were we did everything together. We were the best of friends and all that just went away in a matter of a few months. We did nothing together. No matter what I did or said she wanted nothing to do with me. I tried very hard to be there for her in her time of need and was completely shut out. Three weeks ago when I finally got her to open up a little bit she said to me that she wanted to try separation. When asked why she said that it was because there was a disconnect between us and I wasn't there when she needed me. This blew my mind because of everything I just previously stated. I eventually agreed because I thought it would perhaps help. We still live together, she didn't want me to leave during the separation because we have a 4 year old. Three weeks in to this and the situation has gotten worse. We talk even less, sometimes nit even simple hello and goodbye. I have made daily attempts to communicate and try and bring us back together but they encounter the same resistance. She does not respond to "I love you", she doesn't wear her ring, she stays out all night with her girlfreiinds, she doesn't even seem to care that this whole thing is hurting me deeply. She shows no emotion towards it. I'm sitting here watching my marriage fall apart any attempt to fix it I get "I'm not sure what I want yet". I waiting for a answer and hurting in the process. I don't know what to do anymore. I miss my wife.
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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Did she say the disconnect was only since the miscarriage or has it been present for a while? If she has been feeling certain things for a while, she may have been able to ignore them but this event may have brought everything to the surface. 
Sometimes when one does something mean to be comforting and supportive, it isn't always received that way. This could explain the anger and resistance she expresses when you think you are helping. 
I know after my miscarriage, it felt like everyone was quickly back to normal, but I was the only one still stuck with carrying everything inside. I couldn't even use the bathroom without flashbacks. My husband would try to help but sometimes things he would say sounded like he was trying to talk me out of the feelings I was having instead of just helping me deal with them. 
Would she be willing to go to counseling to talk things out in front of an impartial third party?
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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i was going to go there maybe she is depressed route till the doesnt wear her ring and stays out all night with the girlfriends. go get a VAR put it under her drivers seat of her car use vecro to hold it and start checking phone records. it sounds like she is done with you but still wants a live at home babysitter. you have to find out if there is another man in her life sounds like there is or is about to be

p.s. my ex wife did the same and i got the not sure what i want yet, i was plan b she was after plan A.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

That's sad, sorry you are here. 
I have to say it sounds like she distanced herself emotionally from you over the miscarriages (it can affect a woman in many different ways, and it's an overall very negative experience). If she's staying out late with the girls, I'm sorry but this sounds like she may be looking for other action.


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## Maverick82 (Apr 29, 2013)

terrence4159 said:


> i was going to go there maybe she is depressed route till the doesnt wear her ring and stays out all night with the girlfriends. go get a VAR put it under her drivers seat of her car use vecro to hold it and start checking phone records. it sounds like she is done with you but still wants a live at home babysitter. you have to find out if there is another man in her life sounds like there is or is about to be
> 
> p.s. my ex wife did the same and i got the not sure what i want yet, i was plan b she was after plan A.


That has been a fear for some time now. I have been telling myself that she wouldn't do that to me but your probably right. Thanks for the honesty
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## Maverick82 (Apr 29, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> That's sad, sorry you are here.
> I have to say it sounds like she distanced herself emotionally from you over the miscarriages (it can affect a woman in many different ways, and it's an overall very negative experience). If she's staying out late with the girls, I'm sorry but this sounds like she may be looking for other action.


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## Maverick82 (Apr 29, 2013)

I have read before what a women goes through with a situation like this and I can understand some of her behavior. Been in denial about the other thing but maybe it is true.
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## Maverick82 (Apr 29, 2013)

Kermitty said:


> Did she say the disconnect was only since the miscarriage or has it been present for a while? If she has been feeling certain things for a while, she may have been able to ignore them but this event may have brought everything to the surface.
> Sometimes when one does something mean to be comforting and supportive, it isn't always received that way. This could explain the anger and resistance she expresses when you think you are helping.
> I know after my miscarriage, it felt like everyone was quickly back to normal, but I was the only one still stuck with carrying everything inside. I couldn't even use the bathroom without flashbacks. My husband would try to help but sometimes things he wld say sounded like he was trying to talk me out of the feelings I was having instead of just helping me deal with them.
> Would she be willing to go to counseling to talk things out in front of an i
> ...


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i hope im wrong i really do but buy the VAR get 2 one for here car and one for where she would talk the most in the house when your at work. LOOK at the PHONE RECORDS see who shes calling and texting the most.


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