# Devastated by husband's affair with teen girl



## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Hi everyone. I’m a 33 (f) married to 34 (m). We’ve been married for 11 years. We have 3 kids together, 12, 7, 5.

I found out over the weekend that my husband has been having an affair with a 19 year old girl since she was 18 years old!!! She is the teenage daughter of a family friend. She is supposedly about 12 weeks pregnant and is saying the baby is my husband’s. I didn’t find out from my husband. No, I found out when I received a call from the girl’s mother. I’m mortified and heartbroken. I feel confused and don’t know what to believe. I confronted my husband and he did admit to the relationship. He said it wasn’t “really” a relationship but more like an extended booty call...basically, they were just having sex on a regular basis. As if that makes a damn difference to me?! He said he doesn’t know if the baby is his and at this point he has received no proof that she’s actually pregnant but “yeah, it could be mine if she is.” I don’t think I’ve ever wailed so loud in my life when I heard this come out of his mouth. I couldn’t control my reaction. I'm devastated, disgusted, embarrassed, enraged!

I don’t understand who this person I’m married to is. I just am struggling to believe this is true even though he’s admitted with his own words. How??? Why???

I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to say in a first post here. I can’t believe I’m posting here at all. I haven’t told any family or friends. My first impulse was to tell absolutely everyone but my embarrassment stopped me. My head is spinning. I feel like I’m just frozen in place while my whole world crumbles around me. I’m not sure what advice I’m looking for, but I just need to talk to somebody right now. What do I do from here?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You need to file for divorce pronto and put in for child support. Otherwise, she'll sue for child support and you'll be stuck with less than you are entitled to should you eventually decide to divorce. Let him worry about how he is going to manage child support for 4 kids. 

Do not have sex with him. Get checked for STDs. Rally your support system.

So sorry he has put you in this situation. Do not be embarrassed - any embarrassment or shame belongs solely on his head. Good luck.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

bittersweetheart said:


> Hi everyone. I’m a 33 (f) married to 34 (m). We’ve been married for 11 years. We have 3 kids together, 12, 7, 5.
> 
> I found out over the weekend that my husband has been having an affair with a 19 year old girl since she was 18 years old!!! She is the teenage daughter of a family friend. She is supposedly about 12 weeks pregnant and is saying the baby is my husband’s. I didn’t find out from my husband. No, I found out when I received a call from the girl’s mother. I’m mortified and heartbroken. I feel confused and don’t know what to believe. I confronted my husband and he did admit to the relationship. He said it wasn’t “really” a relationship but more like an extended booty call...basically, they were just having sex on a regular basis. As if that makes a damn difference to me?! He said he doesn’t know if the baby is his and at this point he has received no proof that she’s actually pregnant but “yeah, it could be mine if she is.” I don’t think I’ve ever wailed so loud in my life when I heard this come out of his mouth. I couldn’t control my reaction. I'm devastated, disgusted, embarrassed, enraged!
> 
> ...


Wow…I am sorry you are here! I hope you kicked him out of the house and have contacted an attorney. This pain you feel is excruciating many of us know.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

you obviously married a man with a gigantic secret that got away with it for 16 years. what this says about his character is obvious. he's not marriage material.
what is his excuse? i'm sure his answer will be ridiculous.

for most people, this is a deal breaker. he has made the marriage a sham.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> You need to file for divorce pronto and put in for child support. Otherwise, she'll sue for child support and you'll be stuck with less than you are entitled to should you eventually decide to divorce. Let him worry about how he is going to manage child support for 4 kids.
> 
> Do not have sex with him. Get checked for STDs. Rally your support system.
> 
> So sorry he has put you in this situation. Do not be embarrassed - any embarrassment or shame belongs solely on his head. Good luck.


I know next to nothing about child support. Never thought I'd have to. The order in which she and I would file for child support will effect how much he'd be required to pay me?

Not only am I embarrassed by what he's done and by being made a fool of, but I'm also embarrassed to admit that I haven't made up my mind to divorce him yet. How ridiculous! If I had been asked before this became my reality I would have said that 100% without a doubt yet I would divorce him. 

I will be getting an STD panel done next week and I'm scared about what might be found. I've started to wonder if this is the first time he's cheated on me over the years. I'm starting to reexamine all of the years we spent together and any signs that he may have done this sort of thing before.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Unfortunately, an affair is not a situation in which you need to assume the best. It's just the opposite. You have to assume the worst and hope it's not all true. She's probably not his only affair.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Wow…I am sorry you are here! I hope you kicked him out of the house and have contacted an attorney. This pain you feel is excruciating many of us know.


We are still living together in our family home. I wanted to kick him out. Actually, I wanted to run far away myself and just keep on running until I found a black hole to swallow me up. I don't want our kids to know that anything is going on right now. I don't want them wondering where their dad is. I can't believe I'm sleeping in the same bed as him right now but I am.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

bittersweetheart said:


> We are still living together in our family home. I wanted to kick him out. Actually, I wanted to run far away myself and just keep on running until I found a black hole to swallow me up. I don't want our kids to know that anything is going on right now. I don't want them wondering where their dad is. I can't believe I'm sleeping in the same bed as him right now but I am.


So you've known about it for almost a week? You need support. You're too emotionally upset to make rational, long-term decisions. Once you calm down, you can do whatever you feel you need to do. You're experiencing your marriage as if someone died. That someone is your marriage. It takes time.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

bittersweetheart said:


> We are still living together in our family home. I wanted to kick him out. Actually, I wanted to run far away myself and just keep on running until I found a black hole to swallow me up. I don't want our kids to know that anything is going on right now. I don't want them wondering where their dad is. I can't believe I'm sleeping in the same bed as him right now but I am.


Oh no! No consequences for his action. Absolutely not! Get him out of your bed and out of your home. He was screwing a TEENAGER!


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

jorgegene said:


> you obviously married a man with a gigantic secret that got away with it for 16 years. what this says about his character is obvious. he's not marriage material.
> what is his excuse? i'm sure his answer will be ridiculous.
> 
> for most people, this is a deal breaker. he has made the marriage a sham.


He can't give me a reason for why he did this. I keep asking him why. I want to know why. I feel I deserve that much. What did I do? He says he doesn't know or the opportunity just presented itself and he doesn't know what he was thinking. You don't know what you were thinking while you regularly had sex with this young girl for close to a year? I'd also like to know his excuse for being stupid enough to get her pregnant. She's 19 years old, at least she has the excuse of being young and stupid. He's a 34 year old man!


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

bittersweetheart said:


> He can't give me a reason for why he did this. I keep asking him why. I want to know why. I feel I deserve that much. What did I do? He says he doesn't know or the opportunity just presented itself and he doesn't know what he was thinking. You don't know what you were thinking while you regularly had sex with this young girl for close to a year? I'd also like to know his excuse for being stupid enough to get her pregnant. She's 19 years old, at least she has the excuse of being young and stupid. He's a 34 year old man!


The reason is simple. He wanted to. That is it cut and dry. He had the opportunity and he took it not caring at all the destruction it would cause. He is selfish and self centered.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> The reason is simple. He wanted to. That is it cut and dry. He had the opportunity and he took it not caring at all the destruction it would cause. He is selfish and self centered.


This is very hard for me to accept. I don't know why I want an explanation so badly. Maybe it would make it easier to understand. I don't know who the hell I'm married to now. How does someone go from appearing to be a great husband and father who is dedicated to his family to doing something like this and keeping it secret for so long? Why would he decide to do this just because he could?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I'm open about my history as a cheater/Adultress/WW. I'm also one of those people other people tell their life story to, so I have had a lot of people who cheated talk to me because they think I will understand better than someone who hasn't been there. That said, here's my take.



bittersweetheart said:


> How??? Why???
> 
> I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to say in a first post here. I can’t believe I’m posting here at all. I haven’t told any family or friends. My first impulse was to tell absolutely everyone but my embarrassment stopped me.


How? Opportunity. That simple. He had a chance and he took it.
Why? Because he wanted to. A person can give reasons, excuses, and tell their tale of "It just happened", but the reality is that it wouldn't have happened unless they wanted it to. Before a kiss, before sex, there are a million moments where the cheater can remove themselves from the situation and they choose, at each of those moments, to continue. Because they want to.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. He was the one who behaved badly. This is all on him. He should be ashamed of himself for cheating, doing that cheating with a teenager, and having the failure in judgement to get her pregnant. You have the right to tell whoever you need to tell to get yourself a support system in place as you deal with the fallout of his choices and decide how to move forward.



bittersweetheart said:


> know next to nothing about child support. Never thought I'd have to. The order in which she and I would file for child support will effect how much he'd be required to pay me?


Yes. Child uspport is claculated using a complicated formula, but the simple version is child support is X percent of available income after certain allowed necessary expenses. The percentage varies by state and individual circumstance. When those calculations are made other court ordered obligations, such as child support, are taken into account. If he's paying her child support that support is subtracted from his available income and your child support percentage would be calculated based on that lower number. Who files first gets a bigger piece of the pie, basically.

If you're unsure of divorce then speak to an attorney and see if legal separation with child support in place is possible in your state. That way, if you do decide to divorce, you will have filed for support before the baby is born and she files.



bittersweetheart said:


> He says he doesn't know or the opportunity just presented itself and he doesn't know what he was thinking.


He was thinking he wanted to have hot sex with a teenager and that he'd never be caught, so it was all good.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

bittersweetheart said:


> This is very hard for me to accept. I don't know why I want an explanation so badly. Maybe it would make it easier to understand. I don't know who the hell I'm married to now. How does someone go from appearing to be a great husband and father who is dedicated to his family to doing something like this and keeping it secret for so long? Why would he decide to do this just because he could?


Some reason my husband did. After 30 years he had a 2 year affair. He wanted to. I begged and screamed for a reason and that was it. He wanted me and a side piece and he didn’t think he would get caught.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Just my take on it, but I'd say your husband lacks integrity and doesn't respect the institution of marriage. Regardless of the front he put on, when the candy jar was left unattended, he went ahead an put his hand in to grab a few pieces ... and then a few more. His I-dunno response to why he cheated indicates to me that he lacks introspection. It sounds like he isn't all that sorry for what he did. Bottom line - he sounds like a slime ball to me.

This young girl probably bolstered his feeling of self worth. Why? Because, on a fundamental level, he doesn't have self-worth or self-respect. If he did, he would have walked away from temptation when it presented itself.

Oh, yeah, and P.S. - He's what I call a "cake eater."


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

The first things I would recommend that you do are:

- Choose one trusted person, a close family member or friend, and tell them what has happened. Lean on them for support. I think eventually everyone should know, but for right now just choose one person you trust. 

- Call a divorce attorney for a consultation appt. This does not commit you to filing but will give you ALL of the information you need that is applicable to your situation. You will have a lot to consider. 

- Call a counselor and make yourself an appointment. You can use the support as you navigate through this. Your kids may also need the support later. If you don't know where to start, try going through your health insurance if you have mental health services included. 

- I would ask your husband to leave the house while you consider next steps. Maybe he can go stay with a family member. You can tell the kids he is on a business trip. If he refuses to leave - do not make any further moves yourself until you have consulted a lawyer. You can move out of the bedroom though. Please don't continue to share a bed with him as if nothing has happened. 

- Do you have a job? If not I'd start looking for one or considering how you could make having a job work. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

kag123 said:


> The first things I would recommend that you do are:
> 
> - Choose one trusted person, a close family member or friend, and tell them what has happened. Lean on them for support. I think eventually everyone should know, but for right now just choose one person you trust.
> 
> ...


Telling just one person might be a good start for me. I know I shouldn't feel so embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone. He should be the only one who feels bad, but I can't seem to help it. I see this as a reflection on me somehow.

I will need to consult a lawyer because I know very little about divorce, custody, and child support in our state. I've just felt paralyzed. I tell myself that I'll do something about it tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and still nothing. When I say nothing I really mean nothing. I think I've probably eaten the equivalent of 3 meals since I found out. 

I don't have a job right now, which is something that I'm now super stressed about. I worked full time until I quit when our second baby was born. Then we had a 3rd so my time as a stay at home mom was extended. The plan was to go back to work full time once she was in full time preschool but then Covid hit and we decided it'd be best for me to put off returning to work and to stay home since our older children were doing school from home and it was just the best thing for our family. The plan was for me stay at home with our kids through this summer and hopefully find a job in the fall. At least I was already in the mindset that I'd be returning to the workforce fairly soon.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

You need to relax. This forum can help you every step of the way, if you're willing to trust strangers. Many people here have been though exactly what you're going through. They know intimately how you feel. Open up, tell us what you want to know and what you want help with. You are not alone even though it feels that way. Much of what you will read will be painful. Some of it will be nonsense. For the most part, however, you will get the best help you can imagine.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Sfort said:


> You need to relax. This forum can help you every step of the way, if you're willing to trust strangers. Many people here have been though exactly what you're going through. They know intimately how you feel. Open up, tell us what you want to know and what you want help with. You are not alone even though it feels that way. Much of what you will read will be painful. Some of it will be nonsense. For the most part, however, you will get the best help you can imagine.


I'm not actually sure what I want to know yet. I don't know what questions I have or what help I need. I just know that I needed to talk to somebody who might be able to understand what I'm feeling. I've been skimming some other threads here and it's really just making me more depressed. 

I may not be able to respond too much more today because I have several errands and some kids' activities to run around to, but I thank everyone who has responded so far.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am so very sorry for you and your children. He has taken advantage of a teenager not much older than your oldest child. I imagine her parents must be pretty angry with him as well.
If the baby is his then that will complicate things even more. He will rightly have to support the child and possibly share custody.
The way he talks about it is awful as well. It's not a relationship just a 'booty call' . Wow, she may not think that way at all, goodness knows what lies he has told her about your marriage and how he loves her etc. 
Please tell your close family and ask him to leave for now. He needs to know that there are serious consequences to this. Right now there have been none.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

bittersweetheart said:


> This is very hard for me to accept. I don't know why I want an explanation so badly. Maybe it would make it easier to understand. I don't know who the hell I'm married to now. How does someone go from appearing to be a great husband and father who is dedicated to his family to doing something like this and keeping it secret for so long? Why would he decide to do this just because he could?


 He had the opportunity for young hot sex .... that’s it nothing more. There will never be an “explainable reason” ever. It’s that simple.

Your brain is swimming around in a black hole of too many inputs. It’s going to take some decompressing .... time that is.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

bittersweetheart said:


> I found out over the weekend that my husband has been having an affair with a 19 year old girl since she was 18 years old!!!


Your old man is likely a ped. Get rid of him. If he has it in him to do the daughter of a family friend, he just may be lowdown enough and f'd up enough to do your daughter if you have one. You have to watch these sick bastards and keep them away from your kids.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Get yourself legal council ASAP! You're a fool if you let him get away with this. If that was my daughter, he'd have to go into hiding.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I am so very sorry for you and your children. He has taken advantage of a teenager not much older than your oldest child. I imagine her parents must be pretty angry with him as well.
> If the baby is his then that will complicate things even more. He will rightly have to support the child and possibly share custody.
> The way he talks about it is awful as well. It's not a relationship just a 'booty call' . Wow, she may not think that way at all, goodness knows what lies he has told her about your marriage and how he loves her etc.
> Please tell your close family and ask him to leave for now. He needs to know that there are serious consequences to this. Right now there have been none.


The girl's mother was an absolute wreck when she called me. She feels terrible for me and assumed that I had no idea what had been going on and she was absolutely correct.

I had no inkling that he was cheating on me, which makes me feel like such a fool. I did notice that our regular, frequent, enjoyable sex life dwindled over the past year. I talked to him about it. I was putting so much effort in, especially over the past few months, because I missed that connection with him. When we did have sex it felt different, like he was less interested, less connected, just wanted to get it over with. He blamed the pandemic and said he was just depressed, out of the normal routine of things, and bored. I accepted that excuse for a while. He's really social, very active, has a ton of friends and connections and he had a hard time with the pandemic and being stuck at home. I was hoping things would get better once we could return to our normal lives and get back into our normal routines and schedules.

Although I feel so ashamed and never want to face this woman again, I'm thankful she told me because I'm almost certain my husband wouldn't have come clean yet. Who knows how long he'd try to hide it. Maybe forever if he thought he could. Right now I feel a mixture of hate and sympathy for the girl. I've known her for years. We've known her for years. He's known her since she was well under the legal age! It's difficult for me to imagine her sleeping with my husband. I suppose you imagine a "type" of girl who would do something like this and she's never struck me as that type at all. It makes me wonder what he's told her and I'm not sure I want to know. I keep thinking that it wouldn't be quite as bad if it wasn't with this young girl that we all know. It would still rip me apart but maybe I'd be less disgusted every time I look at him.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> He had the opportunity for young hot sex .... that’s it nothing more. There will never be an “explainable reason” ever. It’s that simple.
> 
> Your brain is swimming around in a black hole of too many inputs. It’s going to take some decompressing .... time that is.


I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> Your old man is likely a ped. Get rid of him. If he has it in him to do the daughter of a family friend, he just may be lowdown enough and f'd up enough to do your daughter if you have one. You have to watch these sick bastards and keep them away from your kids.


As much as this man has behaved appallingly a pedophile is attracted to prepubescent children not 18 year olds. So up to about 10- 12. 
Otherwise I am guessing that most men on this forum could be called pedophiles.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

bittersweetheart said:


> I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?


My opinion is that there was probably some grooming involved on your husbands part. A 30 something man actively engaging with a barely-legal teenager (and especially one he's witnessed grow up from when she was just a child) is pathological to me. This alone would be enough for me to not need to know any further details and to go scorched earth with immediately divorcing and filing for full custody.


bittersweetheart said:


> Telling just one person might be a good start for me. I know I shouldn't feel so embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone. He should be the only one who feels bad, but I can't seem to help it. I see this as a reflection on me somehow.
> 
> I will need to consult a lawyer because I know very little about divorce, custody, and child support in our state. I've just felt paralyzed. I tell myself that I'll do something about it tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and still nothing. When I say nothing I really mean nothing. I think I've probably eaten the equivalent of 3 meals since I found out.
> 
> I don't have a job right now, which is something that I'm now super stressed about. I worked full time until I quit when our second baby was born. Then we had a 3rd so my time as a stay at home mom was extended. The plan was to go back to work full time once she was in full time preschool but then Covid hit and we decided it'd be best for me to put off returning to work and to stay home since our older children were doing school from home and it was just the best thing for our family. The plan was for me stay at home with our kids through this summer and hopefully find a job in the fall. At least I was already in the mindset that I'd be returning to the workforce fairly soon.


Please start your job search ASAP. It will also help you keep your mind off things and having a job will give you something of your own to fall back on. 

Please also call a lawyer ASAP. There will be many things you will need to get in line before you make moves to divorce or split up from him and from a legal standpoint you should make sure you have all your ducks in a row before making any moves. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

bittersweetheart said:


> I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?


This situation occurs very easily. Many younger girls are attracted to older men. If sex is recreational to these women, the man becomes a challenge; an affair becomes a conquest. Don't make the assumption that she's as pure as the driven snow. She may be, but you really don't know. Your beef is with your husband. He's the one who betrayed you. 

Based on what I've read here, sex for women is more of an emotional connection. Sex for men is mostly physical. Since men don't have to have an emotional connection with a woman to have sex, it's easy for a man with no morals to cheat on his wife. He want to have sex with an 18-year old, and he did, many times. Who knows if he really feels affection for her? He wouldn't tell you if he did.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

bittersweetheart said:


> I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?


Their paths may have crossed anywhere. You’ll never know the truth so you need to let go of that thought. I was married for decades to a serial cheater (which your husband well could be) and they have no reason to ever tell the truth because the majority of the time they want to stay married. If you choose to reconcile, you’ll have to do it without knowing the whole story. And, yes, all of it will continue to bother you for many years (or maybe even the rest of your life) but it’s the price you pay to stay.

You won’t ever trust him completely again — or you shouldn’t now that you know what he’s capable of. Reconciling with a cheater takes lots of time and energy and effort. It’s very difficult because you’re starting over and it’ll be even more difficult for you under the circumstances. If you decide that’s what you want, you need to go into it with your eyes open. It can fail at any time — after a year or five years or twenty years. Some marriages recover but not many in your situation. That’s just reality.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

bittersweetheart said:


> He can't give me a reason for why he did this. I keep asking him why. I want to know why. I feel I deserve that much. What did I do? He says he doesn't know or the opportunity just presented itself and he doesn't know what he was thinking. You don't know what you were thinking while you regularly had sex with this young girl for close to a year? I'd also like to know his excuse for being stupid enough to get her pregnant. She's 19 years old, at least she has the excuse of being young and stupid. He's a 34 year old man!


Hon, what would be a "good" reason? He did what he did, and every word out of his mouth is digging his grave deeper. I say this as someone who dealt with some of the things you're facing. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what he says/does next, the ball is in your court.

My 39 y/o exH screwed around with a 19 y/o. Thankfully we had no children, I left him and am moving on with my life. I met a gorgeous woman in her late 20's whose husband ****ed around on her with a 15 y/o while she was pregnant with their child. This **** happens with defective people, and you have no options but to cut yourself loose from them, and do right by you and your kids.



bittersweetheart said:


> I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?


Girl, you have bigger fish to fry than to waste your time and emotions on something that no longer matters. I imagine you must be reeling with shock, I'm so glad you found this forum. These folks were there for me when I didn't know my ass from my elbow. 

I understand the shame all too well, it's a huge blow to your femininity and just a really low blow. However, it speaks more about his character than yours, so as hard as it is, please do not let shame and shock trap you into life with this turd. Flush him!


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

bittersweetheart said:


> Hi everyone. I’m a 33 (f) married to 34 (m). We’ve been married for 11 years. We have 3 kids together, 12, 7, 5.
> 
> I found out over the weekend that my husband has been having an affair with a 19 year old girl since she was 18 years old!!! She is the teenage daughter of a family friend. She is supposedly about 12 weeks pregnant and is saying the baby is my husband’s. I didn’t find out from my husband. No, I found out when I received a call from the girl’s mother. I’m mortified and heartbroken. I feel confused and don’t know what to believe. I confronted my husband and he did admit to the relationship. He said it wasn’t “really” a relationship but more like an extended booty call...basically, they were just having sex on a regular basis. As if that makes a damn difference to me?! He said he doesn’t know if the baby is his and at this point he has received no proof that she’s actually pregnant but “yeah, it could be mine if she is.” I don’t think I’ve ever wailed so loud in my life when I heard this come out of his mouth. I couldn’t control my reaction. I'm devastated, disgusted, embarrassed, enraged!
> 
> ...


You are embarrassed and shouldn’t be. Turn that embarrassment to anger. I got over my grief of losing everything I thought was my life, got angry, and that helped me. I began thinking of my marriage as a business deal and I got screwed over, no way was he walking away without losing as much as possible. I’m really sorry you’re hurting, and while I haven’t been in your situation I can imagine it’s more painful because you know her. 
I would hire an attorney and get child support and alimony BEFORE she has her baby. If it’s his he will have that one to support as well as your three together. If you wait the courts will probably give you less money for them because he will have to pay her as well. Hopefully he will owe so much he will have to get a second job the poor thing.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Look, you need to not drag your feet and go file for divorce with a family attorney tomorrow. His assets are half yours, but so are his debts and now he'll be spending even more of your joint assets on this woman and baby, so you need to file for divorce to protect your assets NOW.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

bittersweetheart said:


> I'm also embarrassed to admit that I haven't made up my mind to divorce him yet.


In all honesty, and this may sound harsh, but you would be a fool to stay with this garbage heap. Really??? A family friends daughter who you both probably knew while she was growing up?? That's a sick **** that does that.


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

bittersweetheart said:


> I know next to nothing about child support. Never thought I'd have to. The order in which she and I would file for child support will effect how much he'd be required to pay me?
> 
> Not only am I embarrassed by what he's done and by being made a fool of, but I'm also embarrassed to admit that I haven't made up my mind to divorce him yet. How ridiculous! If I had been asked before this became my reality I would have said that 100% without a doubt yet I would divorce him.
> 
> I will be getting an STD panel done next week and I'm scared about what might be found. I've started to wonder if this is the first time he's cheated on me over the years. I'm starting to reexamine all of the years we spent together and any signs that he may have done this sort of thing before.


Start taking the the simplest and easiest steps immediately like getting a lawyer. You start with the easy steps and keep climbing. The only thing you need to do is start. 

Your husband most likely groomed her so it may get worse.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> As much as this man has behaved appallingly a pedophile is attracted to prepubescent children not 18 year olds. So up to about 10- 12.


I'd bet he was sizing her up before she was 18. Let a 30 year old guy get caught doing a 17 year old in a number of states and watch him do time and on the sexual offender list. In any case, messing with your friends teenage daughter when you're approaching middle age is about as low down as you can go. If Bittersweet's standards are so low she feels she's got to keep this piece of **** around, I don't know what to say. If it would have been my teenage daughter this POD knocked up, she wouldn't have a choice in the matter.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

VladDracul said:


> I'd bet he was sizing her up before she was 18. Let a 30 year old guy get caught doing a 17 year old in a number of states and watch him do time and on the sexual offender list. In any case, messing with your friends teenage daughter when you're approaching middle age is about as low down as you can go. If Bittersweet's standards are so low she feels she's got to keep this piece of shyt around, I don't know what to say. If it would have been my teenage daughter this POD knocked up, she wouldn't have a choice in the matter.


No JOKE! If I caught a 34 year old man messing around with my teenager I’d be sitting in a cell.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

This man cares more about his penis than he cares about you or a teenage girl whose life he just ruined saddling her with a baby or his own kids. No one is going to look at you the same way if you stay with him. You can't seriously be considering sending a message to your son or daughter that this is something that it is okay to be or to put up with. It's time you set an example for them.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


bittersweetheart said:



He can't give me a reason for why he did this. I keep asking him why. I want to know why. I feel I deserve that much. What did I do? He says he doesn't know or the opportunity just presented itself and he doesn't know what he was thinking.

Click to expand...

*Did you ever hear the expression, *"a stiff d*ck has no conscience?"*

That would be your husband. There isn't any deep, dark *"why" *for why he jumped all over that opportunity. He saw the chance to get himself some young almost-virginal stuff and he grabbed it, obviously many times. He knows exactly what he was thinking, who is that liar trying to fool? But see, he can't admit to you that he did it because he wanted sexual variety and wanted it with a younger girl unmarked by age or childbirth because he knows he'd be in the doghouse for LIFE if he told you that. So instead, he gives you a bull-**** story about how he "didn't know what he was thinking...." even though he apparently "didn't know what he was thinking" again and again and again and again and again. He knows exactly why he did what he did. I don't mean to be cruel to you, I'm just being realistic is all.

Your husband has a *reason* to lie to you but I don't.

He's as cliche as it gets. He's also incredibly *selfish* and stupid for being so damned irresponsible that he couldn't even use a condom - God forbid he do anything RESPONSIBLE that might take away from *his* fun, right? That mistake could end up costing you THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of dollars over the next 18+ years if you actually stay with this assclown.

Someone else tried to impress upon you that you may have to be the FIRST one to file a child support claim if this teenager actually IS pregnant with Wonder Boy's kid - because you can guarantee he'll be paying for that kid for the next 18-24 years, all depending on whether the kid goes to college full-time. Anyway, in some states, child support is configured on a percentage of the total salary left after all the standard deductions - including *standing child support orders* - have been deducted. So that means 2nd and subsequent child support orders are configured on a percentage of what's left AFTER any standing child support orders have been deducted.

Be the first one in line and your order would be a bigger payout than the 2nd one in line. And if she's pregnant with his kid, you can believe he'll be on the hook for support.

Personally? I'd be done with someone who can sink to this level. The guy dug a damned crawlspace UNDER his lowest point in life.

I'd be at my lawyer's office so fast his head would spin.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> I'd bet he was sizing her up before she was 18. Let a 30 year old guy get caught doing a 17 year old in a number of states and watch him do time and on the sexual offender list. In any case, messing with your friends teenage daughter when you're approaching middle age is about as low down as you can go. If Bittersweet's standards are so low she feels she's got to keep this piece of shyt around, I don't know what to say. If it would have been my teenage daughter this POD knocked up, she wouldn't have a choice in the matter.


I agree that he has acted terribly but phedophiles are not attracted to 17 or 18 years olds, they want children who haven't began to develop yet.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bittersweet, what did her mum say when she told you? Will her daughter keep the baby? Will they expect him to pay child support?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> some young almost-virginal stuff


Great post except for this comment. You don't know that. There are many young girls who are anything but "amost-virginal." If fact, many of them are girls who have many casual sexual partners starting a much younger ages.

EDIT: Removed the word that some people here (and apparently the moderators) find offensive.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Sfort said:


> Great post except for this comment. You don't know that. There are many young girls who are anything but "amost-virginal." If fact, many of them are outright *** starting a much younger ages.


I'm not sure calling teenagers sluts is the direction you want to go in here. Many teens are sexually active at a young age. To call someone a **** who is essentially a child, is a bit low. We don't know much about this girl. Let's focus where we should - OP and her husband and how she should respond. This really isn't about this kid at all.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Great post except for this comment. You don't know that. There are many young girls who are anything but "amost-virginal." If fact, many of them are outright sluts starting a much younger ages.


True and valid pont, except the ****, maybe. My wife and I had been having sex for 2 years by the time we were 18/19. Infact I was married to her when I was 18 and she was 21. So lots of sex, but not a ****.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


bittersweetheart said:



I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?

Click to expand...

*Not without the guy 'grooming' her and telling her whatever he thought she'd want to hear in order to make it happen for him.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Sfort said:



Great post except for this comment. You don't know that. There are many young girls who are anything but "amost-virginal."

Click to expand...

*Agreed about many teenage girls being active. I was trying to stress the "youth" part by calling her almost 'virginal.'


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Agreed about many teenage girls being active. I was trying to stress the "youth" part by calling her almost 'virginal.'


To me, virginal suggests lack of sexual experience. Other posters are calling me to task for using <objectionable reference>. I did not call this guy's AP a girl who has many casual sexual partners. I said that some teenage girls are girls who have many casual sexual partners, and they are. I did not say that every teenage girl who has sex is a girl who has many casual sexual partners. Some of them have indiscriminate sex as often as others play pickleball. I'm speaking from first-hand knowledge.

By the way, there's no need to bold the quoted text. The act of quoting it highlights it.

EDITED to remove unintentional, derogatory words.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sfort said:


> To me, virginal suggests lack of sexual experience. Other posters are calling me to task for using "**". I did not call this guy's AP a **. I said that some teenage girls are sluts, and they are. I did not say that every teenage girl who has sex is a ****. Some of them have indiscriminate sex as often as others play pickleball. I'm speaking from first-hand knowledge.
> 
> By the way, there's no need to bold the quoted text. The act of quoting it highlights it.


The fact is that the part of the brain that can foresee consequences of actions isn't fully developed in a teenage brain. That's why they make so many stupid mistakes and get in so much trouble. She will be in her mid twenties before she is capable of avoiding making decisions that will ruin her life. That's why everyone needs to get there teenage girls on birth control, because they will be sexually preyed upon during these years like no other, and their hormones may tell them to go for it, but it will alter the course of their life and usually for the worse.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

I edited my posts to remove the offensive word. (It's not offensive to me. Both sexes used it freely when I was growing up.) It has been replaced with its definition ("girls who have many casual sexual partners") for clarity.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Sfort said:


> I edited my posts to remove the offensive word. (It's not offensive to me. Both sexes used it freely when I was growing up.) It has been replaced with its definition ("girls who have many casual sexual partners") for clarity.


Promiscuous would have been a better, less wordy alternative...just sayin'.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sfort said:


> Great post except for this comment. You don't know that. There are many young girls who are anything but "amost-virginal." If fact, many of them are girls who have many casual sexual partners starting a much younger ages.
> 
> EDIT: Removed the word that some people here (and apparently the moderators) find offensive.


Agreed. We can't assume that it is all him to blame. Both are to blame.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

VladDracul said:


> Your old man is likely a ped. Get rid of him. If he has it in him to do the daughter of a family friend, he just may be lowdown enough and f'd up enough to do your daughter if you have one. You have to watch these sick bastards and keep them away from your kids.


I don't think he's a pedophile and I can't imagine him ever doing anything inappropriate with our daughter. What he's done is still shocking to me but I think a line, albeit a thin one, remains between having sex with an 18 year old and having sex with a minor child. 

I am disturbed that we've known this girl since she was 13. She's babysat my kids. I've wracked my brain trying to think of any mildly inappropriate interactions I've noticed between the two of them in the past and I can't think of anything. Then again, I wasn't looking for anything. I've not even personally seen anyone in her the family within the past year due to Covid.

He insists nothing happened until she was almost 19 years old. He claims to have never even thought about sleeping with her before she started coming onto him. That's right, he says she initially pursued him, as if it's supposed to change how upset I am with him?


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

I'll read through the additional comments after I post this update.

Last night I broke down and told my mom everything I know so far. I was hesitant to tell my parents because I wasn't sure I wanted them to know about this in the instance that I decide to not divorce him. The more I thought about it the more I realized that chances of me not leaving him are slim and this is going to get out one way or another, especially if a baby is involved. She was nearly as shocked as me. My parents absolutely adore my husband. 

They are going to take the kids to the drive-in movies tonight and then have them spend the night at their house, so nothing will seem out of the ordinary for my kids. I told my husband to find something to do today so I don't have to see him. After the kids leave I want to talk to him for only 1 hour. I want him to answer my questions, then I want him to find somewhere else to stay tonight so I can be alone. 

He resisted my request a little and tried to sweet talk his way into staying home, but he agreed fairly easily.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Of course he wants you to believe that she pursued him. In his eyes that would make her the one who’s really at fault in this mess. And there’s always a chance that she did pursue him but it doesn’t matter. He very obviously should have said no and kept telling her that until she got the message. But he’s looking for “reasons” why he’s not completely at fault.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Sfort said:


> This situation occurs very easily. Many younger girls are attracted to older men. If sex is recreational to these women, the man becomes a challenge; an affair becomes a conquest. Don't make the assumption that she's as pure as the driven snow. She may be, but you really don't know. Your beef is with your husband. He's the one who betrayed you.
> 
> Based on what I've read here, sex for women is more of an emotional connection. Sex for men is mostly physical. Since men don't have to have an emotional connection with a woman to have sex, it's easy for a man with no morals to cheat on his wife. He want to have sex with an 18-year old, and he did, many times. Who knows if he really feels affection for her? He wouldn't tell you if he did.


I can imagine exactly why she would be attracted to him. He's attractive and can be very charming. He has a killer smile that all women seem to love, which now makes me feel like . He's not going to be able to get out of this one with his charm.

Maybe it's more difficult for me to understand how this sort of thing happened with my husband specifically. I know that many men are attracted to young college aged girls, but most would not act on it. I didn't think my husband was somebody who would ever act on it. I also don't understand how the two were interacting all this time when I haven't seen anyone in that entire family for over a year myself. I want to know how this whole thing got started!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Everyone who’s cheated on thinks that. I was convinced my husband wasn’t the type to cheat until I discovered he was. We all get fooled.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> Hon, what would be a "good" reason? He did what he did, and every word out of his mouth is digging his grave deeper. I say this as someone who dealt with some of the things you're facing. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what he says/does next, the ball is in your court.
> 
> My 39 y/o exH screwed around with a 19 y/o. Thankfully we had no children, I left him and am moving on with my life. I met a gorgeous woman in her late 20's whose husband **ed around on her with a 15 y/o while she was pregnant with their child. This ** happens with defective people, and you have no options but to cut yourself loose from them, and do right by you and your kids.
> 
> ...


No reason he could give will make this any better. I simply hate feeling like a fool! I do not like being the person in this situation who has no idea about what's going on. I won't be able to believe anything he says, but I think I deserve my chance to ask him all of the questions that I want. He can choose to avoid my questions or to lie, but I have a burning desire to ask. I wish I could pretend that I didn't care. That would probably hurt more than anything I could do. Right now I really want him to hurt.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@bittersweetheart is this his first affair? If he got her pregnant, then he did not use protection. You need to think about STD tests.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bittersweetheart said:


> I can imagine exactly why she would be attracted to him. He's attractive and can be very charming. He has a killer smile that all women seem to love, which now makes me feel like . He's not going to be able to get out of this one with his charm.
> 
> Maybe it's more difficult for me to understand how this sort of thing happened with my husband specifically. I know that many men are attracted to young college aged girls, but most would not act on it. I didn't think my husband was somebody who would ever act on it. I also don't understand how the two were interacting all this time when I haven't seen anyone in that entire family for over a year myself. I want to know how this whole thing got started!


Did he drive her home after she baby-sat? Could it have started then? 
She could have made the first move, who knows, but he should have resisted.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

bittersweetheart said:


> I can imagine exactly why she would be attracted to him. He's attractive and can be very charming. He has a killer smile that all women seem to love, which now makes me feel like . He's not going to be able to get out of this one with his charm.
> 
> Maybe it's more difficult for me to understand how this sort of thing happened with my husband specifically. I know that many men are attracted to young college aged girls, but most would not act on it. I didn't think my husband was somebody who would ever act on it. I also don't understand how the two were interacting all this time when I haven't seen anyone in that entire family for over a year myself. I want to know how this whole thing got started!


I'm going to make a comment that, based on the recent comments I've received here, will be misunderstood. Hopefully I can make it clearly. Most men are sexually active by the time they're 18. It is a golden age for men and sex. Those days provide some of the fondest lifetime memories. When an older guy (28, 38, 48, 58) sees a hot 18-year old female, it's very easy to be turned on by her. When a guy sees a girl that age, he automatically thinks back to when he was that age and having a lot of fun. Just because he is turned on by her does NOT mean he should show his excitement or act on it. It's a feeling that he has no intention of acting on. Unfortunately your husband could not resist the urge. I'm sorry for you.

I've floated this theory by several men, and each one has said that it is correct. One guy said, "Any man who says it's not true is lying." Most man will not admit the attraction because they don't want to be accused of being a creep. Some women are turned on by younger men, as well. That doesn't mean they plan to try to have sex with them.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So you just really want to hear him blame it on you and gaslight you for his excuse? 
Because that's what he's going to do. He's going to say you're too old or fat or stupid or sexless and that he has needs. I don't see why you'd even give him the satisfaction of caring to hear his excuse at this point. 

He followed his penis. End of story.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

bittersweetheart said:


> I deserve my chance to ask him all of the questions that I want.


Your reaction is very normal, but please be aware that you will *never *be satisfied with his answers. There are no satisfactory answers.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Bittersweet, what did her mum say when she told you? Will her daughter keep the baby? Will they expect him to pay child support?


She was crying and I felt like I forgot how to breathe and couldn't carry on much of a conversation or even think of what to ask her. I was in disbelief. She told me to keep my husband away from their house and family or it would not end well as far as her husband was concerned. I can't imagine that he's not contacted my husband. It was a very short conversation that neither of us wanted to be having.

As of last weekend, the girl didn't know what she was going to do about the pregnancy, but she was supposedly already around 12 weeks! She told me that her daughter has claimed my husband told her he'd support her in whatever decision she made. I had to hear this from someone else! He claims that she just told him about the pregnancy two days before I got this call. I've tried asking him more but he either evades the questions, makes up excuses, or we start to argue and our voices raise and I put a stop to it because our kids have been in the house with us 24/7 and are very perceptive and are always listening in somehow.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

OP, are you going to stay with this creep?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like the girl’s been in denial about the pregnancy but now she can’t hide it any more so she’s come clean to her parents and to your husband. I don’t doubt her dad would absolutely love to destroy your husband. Hopefully, he has enough sense to stay away from her and her parents. As to your marriage, that remains to be seen. No doubt he was hoping all of this would stay under the radar as long as possible — if not forever. It’ll be interesting to hear what he has to say about the future. You don’t worry about that too much when you’re busy thinking with your **** but sometimes the day of reckoning finally does arrive. Today’s the day for him to wake up to reality.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The fact is that the part of the brain that can foresee consequences of actions isn't fully developed in a teenage brain. That's why they make so many stupid mistakes and get in so much trouble. She will be in her mid twenties before she is capable of avoiding making decisions that will ruin her life. That's why everyone needs to get there teenage girls on birth control, because they will be sexually preyed upon during these years like no other, and their hormones may tell them to go for it, but it will alter the course of their life and usually for the worse.


You bet, that's why I got pregnant when I was 20 years old. I knew how babies were made and I knew how to avoid getting pregnant, but my judgement wasn't always the best, especially when I was in a new, exciting relationship and my hormones were going wild. 

That's what just kills me a little bit more about what he's done. We got pregnant with our oldest child before we were married and when we were still in college. We'd only known each other about 6 months. He was born 3 weeks after my husband graduated. We decided to keep the baby and got married a year later after I graduated. It was hard. We had a ton of family help and we worked our butts off to start our adult life together and provide for our baby. Now he's done the same thing to this girl, but he doesn't have the excuse of being a dumb 21 year old guy anymore. 

I know this girl isn't stupid. She's not blameless in my eyes; however, I remember being a hormonal 19 year old girl. She should have known better but he _really_ should have known better and not made this mistake. It's as if I'm not only learning that I'm married to an inconsiderate, unloving liar, but he's a complete idiot too!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bittersweetheart said:


> She was crying and I felt like I forgot how to breathe and couldn't carry on much of a conversation or even think of what to ask her. I was in disbelief. She told me to keep my husband away from their house and family or it would not end well as far as her husband was concerned. I can't imagine that he's not contacted my husband. It was a very short conversation that neither of us wanted to be having.
> 
> As of last weekend, the girl didn't know what she was going to do about the pregnancy, but she was supposedly already around 12 weeks! She told me that her daughter has claimed my husband told her he'd support her in whatever decision she made. I had to hear this from someone else! He claims that she just told him about the pregnancy two days before I got this call. I've tried asking him more but he either evades the questions, makes up excuses, or we start to argue and our voices raise and I put a stop to it because our kids have been in the house with us 24/7 and are very perceptive and are always listening in somehow.


I do feel for you, what a terrible thing to have to hear like that. He didn't even have the decency to tell you first.
I hope he is going to be more forthcoming but I am not to hopeful. 
It seems unlikely that she has only just told him if she is already 12 weeks.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

I have to go feed my kids dinner before their grandparents pick them up. I'll update again later. I have to say it is nice to be able to vent my thoughts and get some outside perspective.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

bittersweetheart said:


> Right now I really want him to hurt.


Oh I remember that feeling well. In the end, you can never make them hurt as much as they hurt you without losing part of yourself. It sucks, but it's the truth. Unless my XH's new wife cheats on him, he will never understand what he did to me. I have to live with that. But at this point, it just doesn't matter. I am at the point that I just don't care. It takes time, but you get there.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

As you discuss this with him, keep in mind there’s a huge difference between regret and remorse. What he’s feeling so far is regret that he’s been caught. Remorse is what necessary to successfully reconcile should you choose to do that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BlueWoman said:


> Oh I remember that feeling well. In the end, you can never make them hurt as much as they hurt you without losing part of yourself. It sucks, but it's the truth. Unless my XH's new wife cheats on him, he will never understand what he did to me. I have to live with that. But at this point, it just doesn't matter. I am at the point that I just don't care. It takes time, but you get there.


That's right, because they don't care as much to begin with.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

bittersweetheart said:


> You bet, that's why I got pregnant when I was 20 years old. I knew how babies were made and I knew how to avoid getting pregnant, but my judgement wasn't always the best, especially when I was in a new, exciting relationship and my hormones were going wild.
> 
> That's what just kills me a little bit more about what he's done. We got pregnant with our oldest child before we were married and when we were still in college. We'd only known each other about 6 months. He was born 3 weeks after my husband graduated. We decided to keep the baby and got married a year later after I graduated. It was hard. We had a ton of family help and we worked our butts off to start our adult life together and provide for our baby. Now he's done the same thing to this girl, but he doesn't have the excuse of being a dumb 21 year old guy anymore.
> 
> I know this girl isn't stupid. She's not blameless in my eyes; however, I remember being a hormonal 19 year old girl. She should have known better but he _really_ should have known better and not made this mistake. It's as if I'm not only learning that I'm married to an inconsiderate, unloving liar, but he's a complete idiot too!


You'll be dealing with this for a long time emotionally, but what you need to do right now is look out for your best interests financially and do the right thing as far as modeling for your kids. 

Emotionally it's going to overwhelm you to the point where you can barely focus on the other but that's why it's doubly important that you go get a family law attorney tomorrow because they will handle that end of it for you and that will give you some time to deal with your emotions.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

bittersweetheart said:


> It's as if I'm not only learning that I'm married to an inconsiderate, unloving liar, but he's a complete idiot too!


That pretty much sums it up. If you stay married to this cat, get use to more doses of the same medicine. You can buy into, " That evil seductress caused me to " if you want be it ain't true. A man pretending he can control banging any chick that comes on to him. (even if that's the way it went down)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BlueWoman said:


> Oh I remember that feeling well. In the end, you can never make them hurt as much as they hurt you without losing part of yourself. It sucks, but it's the truth. Unless my XH's new wife cheats on him, he will never understand what he did to me. I have to live with that. But at this point, it just doesn't matter. I am at the point that I just don't care. It takes time, but you get there.


It's a good and healthy place to get to.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Ok, the girl’s mother should have called your husband, the police, anyone, not you! I am devastated that nobody is going to your husband, why should you be doing any of the hard work? The abuser is the one who should be held responsible, spoken to, accountable. I cannot imagine the pain and shock you are going through, I am so sorry for you.

You have nothing to do with this. Nothing to fix, nothing to do with this relationship between him and this girl. Don’t answer any more calls from anyone. Yes tell your parents, tell everyone. A secret like this means zero consequences for him.

For legal reasons, move right out of this, don’t speak to anyone outside your own support group. Don’t speak with the girl, her parents, your husband. You have no idea how far back this goes and how ugly it may get in the future if she does go to the police - let’s face it, your husband knew her for a long time, the young girl is the victim here. Not the 30-something year old man. An adult always knows better. ‘She came onto me’ becomes even stronger when underage girls are involved. Do not involve yourself in this situation.

And for the rest of you posting about the girl possibly leading him on - come on, for the love of God seriously!? The lady posting doesn’t need to go into this line of thinking - the shock probably will take her there and she is likely to eventually side with her husband and believe him (normal and common in these situations).

OP, be aware of this - you probably will feel this way, it’s a common reaction to these situations and your husband was clever enough to get here, and clever enough to remove all blame. He will likely throw the girl under the bus too, and will need you to do this. So please get some help - again, don’t keep this secret. Because you are going to need people to pull you out of denial, as he will be stronger and keep you close to save himself problems.

Why are you all making excuses for him?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Here's the thing. You can keep avoiding the pain you feel by trying to figure out why your husband cheated. However, it will get you NOWHERE. What it will do is help you to avoid taking definite steps to get him out of your life. It will also hold off, for awhile at least, the pain you have to feel in order to move on.

Can you move on right away? No. Of course not. But you can stop going over and over and over the "WHY DID HE DO THIS?" It will behoove you to quit with the hand wringing and start getting downright outraged at what this man has done to you.

Your husband did this because, on a very basic, fundamental level, he lacks character and integrity. That's it. Great husband? Great father? Nope. Chalk that up to the role he enjoyed at that moment in time. When he got bored with that, he decided to boink some young girl. Disgusting.

While you are still somewhat in shock, I assure you that's because you bought into his dog-and-pony show. Your husband is a liar. He's a cheat. He crapped all over his marriage. You are now seeing him for who he really is.

Get an attorney ASAP. Get angry like yesterday.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

He’s also not a great father.

Your kids aren’t going to believe this in years to come when they know (they will know one day), especially your female children. Your daughter on the cusp of her teen years, when she is an adult, will be haunted by this.

Whatever you decide, be ready for your adult children to say, ‘why didn’t you do something mom, once you found out?’ Again, it will be easier to put the blame on the parent that took no action, rather than the adult who did something shocking. Another common result.

Kids do fare much better when they know they were protected. (I’m not at all suggesting he views your children this way, or would make advances). The fact, minus future speculation, past events is this: Dad got a girl pregnant at 19, she was a girl we knew well since she was 13. Everything else is irrelevant going forward.

Make no mistake, this situation he has put you all in will have a significant impact on all of you. You are all his victims, please do feel sorry for yourself, give yourself all the sympathy in the world. You absolutely have the right to be cared for by your people - you know who they are now, and I implore you to stay away from anyone who will try to put the blame on the girl and make excuses for your husband. You may be shocked by people who will say this to you - because the truth is too hard for people to stomach.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Everyone who’s cheated on thinks that. I was convinced my husband wasn’t the type to cheat until I discovered he was. We all get fooled.


Yup! My ex husband was the nice, thoughtful, smart, supportive man who EVERYONE in our family loved. Turned out to be a serial cheating asshole. As @Openminded said, we all get fooled!


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

I'm not up for sharing the full conversation we just had tonight just yet. He is gone for now and I feel relieved to finally be alone.



MattMatt said:


> @bittersweetheart is this his first affair? If he got her pregnant, then he did not use protection. You need to think about STD tests.


It's the first affair that I know about or that he'll admit to, but that doesn't mean it's the truth. Whether the baby turns out to be his or not, he's definitely been having unprotected sex with her because he admitted that much to me tonight. He says he was pulling out every time. Pulling out? Is he a 15 year old dumbass? I wanted to smack him when he said that. I couldn't believe it. I was dumbfounded. This is a stranger that I'm married to right now.

I already have an appointment to get a full STD test done next week.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Did he drive her home after she baby-sat? Could it have started then?
> She could have made the first move, who knows, but he should have resisted.


I hope it didn't start when she was babysitting for us because that was a few years ago. He never drove her home. Her family used to live a few houses down from us, which is how we first met. They moved a few years ago but we've stayed in touch and in each other's lives. He says she came on to him when he was at their house last year, I wasn't there. Ok, she came on to you when her parents were home? Alright, let's pretend I believe this for a moment. She continued to reach out to him and to flirt with him until he supposedly gave in and decided "Why not?" So he started flirting back and eventually they took it further. He expected it to be a one time thing and again magically didn't know what he was thinking or doing but he kept it going and kept contacting her every time he wanted to have a good time.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Was this via text?

All evidence that may be used years later down the track when she realises the full extent of what’s happened to her.

I suspect her parents will take this further eventually.

Again, very sorry, but I’m glad you’re angry and he’s out of there.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So you just really want to hear him blame it on you and gaslight you for his excuse?
> Because that's what he's going to do. He's going to say you're too old or fat or stupid or sexless and that he has needs. I don't see why you'd even give him the satisfaction of caring to hear his excuse at this point.
> 
> He followed his penis. End of story.


That isn't exactly what he said. He didn't try to blame me. He knows better than to try to accuse me of being fat, stupid, lazy, or that I don't put out enough since none of those apply to me. I met all of his needs and then some. I'm nowhere near perfect but I sure as hell was a great wife to him and am still a great mother to our children. I won't let him gaslight me on that. I just couldn't meet his apparent need for new exciting hot sex with a tiny little barely legal girl fresh out of high school.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> OP, are you going to stay with this creep?


I don't have a clue what I'm doing right now. I'm just trying to function each day and process what's happening so I can figure out my next steps.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I echo the others in saying that nothing he tells you will answer your questions about why this happens. That's because there is literally no answer that would make this ok, justifiable or understandable. None.

He did it because it felt good and he wanted to. That's literally it.

That some appear to be placing fault on the girl really concerns me. She probably did dress up, flirt and throw herself at him, but she's 17!! A bloody teenager! Her brain is still growing ffs, and she doesn't have the life experience yet to full comprehend the consequences of her actions, or the complexity of a situation like this. He's a grown man, he should have resisted and shown some damn self control. He's just gross. There's no other word for him.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

bittersweetheart said:


> No reason he could give will make this any better. I simply hate feeling like a fool! I do not like being the person in this situation who has no idea about what's going on. I won't be able to believe anything he says, but I think I deserve my chance to ask him all of the questions that I want. He can choose to avoid my questions or to lie, but I have a burning desire to ask. I wish I could pretend that I didn't care. That would probably hurt more than anything I could do. Right now I really want him to hurt.


I get it, you hate being the last to know and feel like everyone thinks you're stupid for not seeing the truth. Look, that only holds with honest people, he deceived you and instead of throwing himself at your feet and begging your forgiveness, he is arrogant and willful. 

I can tell you it will hurt him or at least drive him nuts if you go radio silent and cut him out. I was in a similar position, and once I confirmed it was a physical affair, I stopped communication altogether. I asked my mom to stay out of it, she never said one word to him, and that's something he kept crying about btw. 

Afterward, I realized the no contact was great, it helped me to get my **** together and stop focusing on what he was doing, how he was feeling, and get on with my life. It's not about pretending you don't care, it's about preserving your sanity and reclaiming your agency, b/c change is freaking hard as it is. It might seem like a monumental task going ahead, alone, with children. 

Are you working?


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

bittersweetheart said:


> He can't give me a reason for why he did this. I keep asking him why. I want to know why. I feel I deserve that much. What did I do? He says he doesn't know or the opportunity just presented itself and he doesn't know what he was thinking. You don't know what you were thinking while you regularly had sex with this young girl for close to a year? I'd also like to know his excuse for being stupid enough to get her pregnant. She's 19 years old, at least she has the excuse of being young and stupid. He's a 34 year old man!


Sometimes, you have to find closure within yourself. Keep reading around here and perhaps there will be enough experiences that will help ou connect the dots in your own life.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

A really lovely lady I know was cheated on by her husband with a younger lady at his work. He also got her pregnant and she had the baby. 
His reason was this, the opportunity came up and I took it.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> A really lovely lady I know was cheated on by her husband with a younger lady at his work. He also got her pregnant and she had the baby.
> His reason was this, the opportunity came up and I took it.


He must have been on the way out anyway.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NTA said:


> He must have been on the way out anyway.


Not at all. He actually told her it wasn't anything to do with their marriage not being good. I guess he just thought it was worth the risk. Two young children as well.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Flat out...the guy couldn't resist the temptation of such a young vagina. 

That's all. 

It's a huge fantasy for many men.

Now it's up to you to levee some damn consequences.

I would advise ending your marriage, because if you forgive this, he will likely either keep screwing this girl, or give into the next temptation that comes along. Or both.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

bittersweetheart said:


> I simply hate feeling like a fool!


So you SHOULD NOT feel like a fool. You loved and trusted him -- that is what a great spouse does. HE is the one who blew it -- HE is the one who cheated. You are NOT foolish for this -- he hid who he REALLY was very well. NO fault on you for his cheating.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> So you SHOULD NOT feel like a fool. You loved and trusted him -- that is what a great spouse does. HE is the one who blew it -- HE is the one who cheated. You are NOT foolish for this -- he hid who he REALLY was very well. NO fault on you for his cheating.


Exactly. A good wife should trust her husband. He broke that trust not you. 
Some people are just good liars.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Openminded said:


> As you discuss this with him, keep in mind there’s a huge difference between regret and remorse.


He'll experience both. The first time he has to write a child support check, he'll experience regret. He'll experience remorse when he realizes he'll have to continue writing these checks for the next 18+ years and it the most expensive piece of puzzy he's every had.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

VladDracul said:


> He'll experience both. The first time he has to write a child support check, he'll experience regret. He'll experience remorse when he realizes he'll have to continue writing these checks for the next 18+ years and it the most expensive piece of puzzy he's every had.


I’d say he’ll feel anger rather than regret and remorse When he starts writing the cheques. ‘Why should I have to pay for so many kids!!! Why me!!’

He’ll blame the young one for getting pregnant and blabbing and the wife for leaving.

Anger and rage, just wait and see.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Gabriel said:


> Flat out...the guy couldn't resist the temptation of such a young vagina.
> 
> That's all.
> 
> ...


Not to mention he's probably soaking up all the adulation that a woman significantly younger than he is gives. This relationship may end like in the movies. One day she will call him an old geezer or he'll spend an evening with her friends and then realizes that he has nothing in common with them.

It seems to be after marrying at such a young age, this guy is after some variety. As I said in another thread, get your variety before you get married.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Sorry this has happened to you. Write out a plan and stick with it, but once you've done everything you can on a given day, get busy with other stuff so you don't think about it. Exercise, hang with girlfriends, take your kids on lots of adventures, anything to take your mind off it.... you just have to keep in mind, this was not your fault at all... he has and always had flawed character, you just didn't know.

Stay strong / positive... you'll get through all this and be happy again.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

bittersweetheart said:


> He can't give me a reason for why he did this. I keep asking him why. I want to know why. I feel I deserve that much. What did I do? He says he doesn't know or the opportunity just presented itself and he doesn't know what he was thinking. You don't know what you were thinking while you regularly had sex with this young girl for close to a year? I'd also like to know his excuse for being stupid enough to get her pregnant. She's 19 years old, at least she has the excuse of being young and stupid. He's a 34 year old man!


Let me give you the reason: he saw her as a hot 19 year old piece of ass who was there for the taking. He took it. I don't think this is difficult to understand. He's a lusting lying cheating piece of garbage. But, hey, you knew that already because of all this. When's the next one?
100% of the men on this site or any other site notices every hot girl they see and don't believe anyone who says they don't. They just won't admit it. Most don't end up in their pants. Your cheater will and does.

You either live with the fact he's a daddy with hot piece that he (and you indirectly) are responsible for or you end the whole thing. That's one of the big decision points in this mess. That's a deal breaker for most, but all that is your decision, not mine.

There's no divorce if you don't want one. That's up to you as he has decided he didn't really want the girl for anything but sex. It wasn't exactly academic research work in nuclear physics that was the interest here. At the time you weren't in the picture as far as he was concerned and he dissolved your M in a vat of acid. Living with that is another decision point.

Good luck. Do what is right for you.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

You may consider quickly divorcing and having child support ordered for your children before she can have it ordered for hers. I'm not a lawyer, but I believe there is some advantage for that.


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## Elijah220 (Jun 26, 2021)

I’m so sorry you are going through all of this! I know your head is spinning, your world crumbling, and you have no idea what to do about anything.

Your thoughts are understandably focused in the “now,” but in order to help you decide to stay or go you also need to look down the road a little. For example, if you stay…what happens when this girl comes to your house to drop off his kid during his parental time? How are you going to feel? You will be this child’s stepmother, can you lovingly accept it as yours? You have a 12 year old. What happens in 6 years when he/she is 18 and starts bringing their hot 18 year old friends to the house? How will you feel? 

He didn’t just cheat. He didn’t just get another girl pregnant. He withheld this from you every single moment of it, and you had to find out in the worst way! What is worse is had she not become pregnant you would still be none the wiser, and it would probably still be going on. 

I personally could never stay. I may one day forgive, but the trust would never again be there which would just slowly tear us apart any way. So either way for me the marriage would be over. The only real choice is will it be a quick end or a slow and even more painful one…


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## Purplepaisley (Mar 6, 2021)

Hi Bittersweetheart,

How are things going for you? You've gone silent on us, is everything ok? Are you back with your husband? Please post an update so that we know your alright.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Purplepaisley said:


> Hi Bittersweetheart,
> 
> How are things going for you? You've gone silent on us, is everything ok? Are you back with your husband? Please post an update so that we know your alright.


My husband is still living with us in our family home. I haven't asked him to leave. I made him leave for one night after I interrogated him about his relationship. I felt lonely and missed him. How sick is that? I'm still processing everything and figuring out what I'm doing to do. Our kids don't know about anything that's going on. We'll at least have to tell our oldest child soon. I've told my husband that it'll be his responsibility to tell them and everyone else we know what he's done. He can figure out how to explain it to a 12, 7, and 5 year old.

I had an STD panel done last week. I am disease free. I was feeling desperate and I slept with him before I got my test results. I've barely let him touch me since I found out about this and somehow I end up having sex with him? I'm ashamed to admit I enjoyed it and I really needed to feel wanted by him again.

I met with a lawyer earlier this week. I have two options in order to request child support for my children: separation or divorce. It might not make sense to some people but I am not ready to make a decision on divorce. I feel pressure to file something so that I can request child support so me and my kids don't get totally screwed over once this girl has her baby and files. I am not after the money for myself but am concerned about my children's welfare. If this girl manages to get a child support order in place before me then my children's child support will be reduced and I don't think that's fair since they are his existing, legitimate children. 

As uncomfortable as it makes me, I will probably have to request alimony which I'd likely be able to receive for around 5 years based on the way it's calculated in our state. I've started looking at jobs and applied to one but immediately had a bad gut feeling about it and haven't pursued it further. I'll keep looking for other jobs.

I didn't inform him that I was meeting with a lawyer before the meeting. Afterwards, I told him. He's aware I'm considering separation and/or divorce. He's begged me not to leave him. Meanwhile I have gone long stretches without speaking to him other then when absolutely necessary and to play nice in front of our kids. I have barely let him touch me. I've yelled, cried, wished that the worst things would happen to him. But I still love him. Why can't I manage to hate him and turn all my love off after what he's done? 

We have had some other things to deal with, including a storm that rolled in last weekend and left two large holes and major water damage inside our house. 

I'm frustrated with myself that I seem so stuck and unable to make decisions. Why do I still want to hold onto him so desperately? If this happened to a friend I'd tell her to leave her husband without any question. Here I am sitting around imagining how I will make this all work.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Ok, the girl’s mother should have called your husband, the police, anyone, not you! I am devastated that nobody is going to your husband, why should you be doing any of the hard work? The abuser is the one who should be held responsible, spoken to, accountable. I cannot imagine the pain and shock you are going through, I am so sorry for you.
> 
> You have nothing to do with this. Nothing to fix, nothing to do with this relationship between him and this girl. Don’t answer any more calls from anyone. Yes tell your parents, tell everyone. A secret like this means zero consequences for him.
> 
> ...


Her mother called to inform me about their relationship. She assumed that I wasn't aware and she was correct. I'm glad she told me because I don't know when he would have. I believe he intended to keep it hidden for as long as possible, even if that meant she gave birth before I found out. He says she told him about the pregnancy just two days before I received the call from her mom. He claims he was going to tell me but was trying to figure out how. He didn't try to deny it or seem overly worried when I confronted him. It was as if he was expecting it. I wonder if the girl told him her mom had called me.

I don't believe anything happened between the two of them when she was a minor. There's no reason to believe that and no proof. The girl also told her parents that it was consensual and had been going on for around 9-10 months. I have been going back through the past year or more and all of the signs match up with this timeline. He's still responsible for what he did. I believe her age makes this worse than if he was having an affair with somebody his own age. I also believe that it's exactly like what he's told me and what other men have echoed. The opportunity to sleep with this young hot girl presented itself and he took it without caring about how it would affect anyone else.


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## Purplepaisley (Mar 6, 2021)

I am sorry that you are going through this. I am glad however, that you are looking out for your financial situation, so that you will have an easier time taking care of your kids. I would not feel at all guilty for alimony, it's offered for a reason and he screwed up big time.

You really need to get him out of the house right away, and go no contact with him to give yourself time to think. You have given him the best years of your life, and gave him three beautiful children. What did he do for you? He took away your self esteem and self respect. He took advantage of a young girl and saddled her with a baby. At the very least he should have taken her to planned parenthood and gotten her on birth control. Better yet he should have respected his wife and marriage vows. One of you will probably need to tell your oldest soon before he/she hears about it in the neighborhood. Is this what you want to teach your children? That it's okay for the man to play around and have no respect for his wife and family? That it's okay for the wife/mother to be treated like a door mat? How will you feel when you are away from your kids working and have to write a child support payment for other baby?

I really hope you think about getting into counseling right away. It really sounds like you are struggling to make some important decisions. I hope this doesn't sound to harsh, but I am devastated for you. I have never been in your situation, but many people here on TAM have and will offer you some great advice and perspectives. P!ease keep posting, there are many people here who care about you as a person and will help you through this.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Was this via text?
> 
> All evidence that may be used years later down the track when she realises the full extent of what’s happened to her.
> 
> ...


Are you asking about their communication, the talking, the flirting, all the disgusting sexts and who knows what else? It was mostly via text and social media according to him.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Not at all. He actually told her it wasn't anything to do with their marriage not being good. I guess he just thought it was worth the risk. Two young children as well.


Same exact thing my husband says! Do they all have a secret forum they get together and chat on or what?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

bittersweetheart said:


> Same exact thing my husband says! Do they all have a secret forum they get together and chat on or what?


 sad to tell you but yes there is 
it is sick what forums are out there if you look , sick men giving advice on how to get girls and how to not get feelings for them and how to dump them and move on the the next one ,


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

bittersweetheart said:


> Same exact thing my husband says! Do they all have a secret forum they get together and chat on or what?





frenchpaddy said:


> sad to tell you but yes there is
> it is sick what forums are out there if you look , sick men giving advice on how to get girls and how to not get feelings for them and how to dump them and move on the the next one ,


Unfortunately men are jerks if they don't have high value system and moral code, if opportunity arises they will smash, and no, they usually don't care about the feelings and rarely get attached emotionally because of sex, men have been doing it before forums or internet ever existed, it just how it is, I'm sorry @bittersweetheart for what your going through, it sucks!


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Good to hear from you, all of those feelings you’re feeling are normal, it can take a while to process something like this.

Is he still in contact with her? I imagine that things are going to progress in that front rapidly, and that some decisions will be taken out of your hands. He’s begging you not to leave him, but what happens when baby arrives? It seems like he is in control all the way. Are you doing ok, have you told your family yet?

Have you got some support?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> _*A really lovely lady I know was cheated on by her husband with a younger lady at his work. He also got her pregnant and she had the baby.
> His reason was this, the opportunity came up and I took it.*_


I say that CONSTANTLY on these boards.

It's so ridiculous on infidelity boards where the betrayeds are telling each other their cheater MUST "go to therapy to figure out their why."

What a load of horse-**** that is.

Most cheaters do it because they CAN and because the opportunity for fun, something new, sexual variety and something exciting came up. Period. I laugh at all the ridiculous things some of these betrayeds want so badly to believe that these quack therapists will come up with to explain why their cheater cheated - "he cheated because he was neglected as a baby," or "he was bullied in school and has low self esteem," or that good old standby, "he cheated due to FOO issues." 🤣 🤣 🤣

LOL. Sure. That must be it.

I've said it from day #1 - the "why" is something a therapist pulls out of their ass to make the BETRAYED feel better because otherwise, they'd have to face the truth. That he/she did it because they wanted to and because they could.


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## Ford_Prefect (Apr 1, 2021)

OP, does your husband plan to be part of his new Childs life? If so he and the Childs mother will need to co-parent and interact for the next 20 years or so. This will make reconciliation so much more difficult and there will be many opportunities for him to restart the affair with his baby's mama. If he plans to abandon the child he may be a bigger POS than we think. Your best chance at long term happiness is to move on a heal, asap. You deserve better than this.


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## bittersweetheart (Jul 2, 2021)

Ford_Prefect said:


> OP, does your husband plan to be part of his new Childs life? If so he and the Childs mother will need to co-parent and interact for the next 20 years or so. This will make reconciliation so much more difficult and there will be many opportunities for him to restart the affair with his baby's mama. If he plans to abandon the child he may be a bigger POS than we think. Your best chance at long term happiness is to move on a heal, asap. You deserve better than this.


He plans to be involved with the child, not because he wants to but because he feels guilty and like it's his obligation. He should feel guilty and it is his obligation. Other than this cheating mess he has always been a great, hands on, loving dad to our kids. He does so much for them and with them and loves them so much. Some people here have said otherwise, but I know he couldn't have been faking that part for 12 years. It's another reason why it's so hard for me to understand how he could do this and according to him just not think about any of us when he was off with her.

He told me he wanted her to get an abortion and prayed that she would. When she informed him of the pregnancy he claims that he immediately told her he didn't want another baby. He says he tried to make her understand why this wouldn't be a good idea for anyone involved, but he couldn't force her to get an abortion. He ultimately told her he'd support any decision she made because he felt he had no other choice. He asked me what I expected him to do after getting a 19 year old pregnant. Should he make himself look ever worse by trying to drag her by the wrist to the abortion clinic? She told him she was thinking about an abortion. He told her he'd pay for it. Then next thing you know she's told her parents about the pregnancy and I'm getting the phone call from her mom. Come to find out she hadn't even been to a doctor at that point. She has since been to the doctor and had a dating ultrasound. We found out last week that she's 14 weeks pregnant as of right now and due on 1/14. She's keeping it at this point. I don't even think this girl has ever had a job.

I don't actively think about the baby being here most of the time. When I remember that it will be here and probably in my house I try to imagine how I could ever possibly deal with it. I would never take my anger out on a baby but I don't think I could treat this kid like my own children. The hurt of imagining seeing a little human being that looks like a mixture of the two of them is devastating to me. Sometimes I rationalize in my head that maybe she will become overwhelmed with motherhood and decide she wants to be young and single and will just give the baby to us and leave our lives forever. It's horrible to think. I feel like my brain is always trying to come up with and then rationalize all sorts of crazy situations that would somehow make this easier for me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bittersweetheart said:


> He plans to be involved with the child, not because he wants to but because he feels guilty and like it's his obligation. He should feel guilty and it is his obligation. Other than this cheating mess he has always been a great, hands on, loving dad to our kids. He does so much for them and with them and loves them so much. Some people here have said otherwise, but I know he couldn't have been faking that part for 12 years. It's another reason why it's so hard for me to understand how he could do this and according to him just not think about any of us when he was off with her.
> 
> He told me he wanted her to get an abortion and prayed that she would. When she informed him of the pregnancy he claims that he immediately told her he didn't want another baby. He says he tried to make her understand why this wouldn't be a good idea for anyone involved, but he couldn't force her to get an abortion. He ultimately told her he'd support any decision she made because he felt he had no other choice. He asked me what I expected him to do after getting a 19 year old pregnant. Should he make himself look ever worse by trying to drag her by the wrist to the abortion clinic? She told him she was thinking about an abortion. He told her he'd pay for it. Then next thing you know she's told her parents about the pregnancy and I'm getting the phone call from her mom. Come to find out she hadn't even been to a doctor at that point. She has since been to the doctor and had a dating ultrasound. We found out last week that she's 14 weeks pregnant as of right now and due on 1/14. She's keeping it at this point. I don't even think this girl has ever had a job.
> 
> I don't actively think about the baby being here most of the time. When I remember that it will be here and probably in my house I try to imagine how I could ever possibly deal with it. I would never take my anger out on a baby but I don't think I could treat this kid like my own children. The hurt of imagining seeing a little human being that looks like a mixture of the two of them is devastating to me. Sometimes I rationalize in my head that maybe she will become overwhelmed with motherhood and decide she wants to be young and single and will just give the baby to us and leave our lives forever. It's horrible to think. I feel like my brain is always trying to come up with and then rationalize all sorts of crazy situations that would somehow make this easier for me.


To me getting someone pregnant and then suggesting she kills the baby is appalling. I guess he was hoping that way you would never find out.
As I see it he has faced no real consequences at all for his actions. You are almost enabling it all by not making sure he realises the seriousness of what he has done. All he has had to deal with is one night away from home. How could you ever trust him again? How could you have any respect for him after this?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

This girl, the baby and her family will be in your life for the rest of your life if you stay with him. Is he really worth all that nonsense? No, he is not. And, no, he was not a good father when he jeopardized his children's future by screwing that barely legal. He admits he didn't even bother to think about his children or you. Get a divorce and let him figure out his financials after it is determined how much he will have to pay you.

I'm sure he is begging you not to leave him - he knows he's screwed up his whole life. Whoa is him. Boo-hoo. You deserve better and there *are* better men out there.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

bittersweetheart said:


> He told me he wanted her to get an abortion and prayed that she would.


I guess only @Diana7 and I will get the irony of this statement.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sfort said:


> I guess only @Diana7 and I will get the irony of this statement.


Absolutely 🥺


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I‘ve thought from the beginning that you would stay but I’m surprised you’d rather take the child than share custody with the girl — did I read that or just imagine it?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Sfort said:


> I guess only @Diana7 and I will get the irony of this statement.


I did as well. It reminded me of this:
“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”

― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> I did as well. It reminded me of this:
> “He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”
> 
> ― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything


I can swear there ain't no heaven but I pray there ain't no hell.

― Blood, Sweat and Tears, "And When I Die"


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Please don’t be put off, I mean to be constructive and kind, but he is not a good father. Really look back at the times he wasn’t a good father - he’s not a good husband (also not a good lover, look at how he has treated her before and during the pregnancy - and pay particular attention to how he speaks of this future child that he doesn’t want).

It’s a common line in these situations, the person in shock will say, ‘He was a wonderful father’. For instance, many abuse victims, like children, will say ‘it wasn’t that bad, other kids have it so much worse’. Domestic abuse, ‘But he was so wonderful when he wasn’t angry, he was under so much stress’. So when a person says, but he was a wonderful father it usually points to a catastrophic situation.

I hope it isn’t too distressing that I’m pushing this, I do understand the enormity of what you’re going through and that it may not be possible for you to see things differently- the brain is extraordinary in what it does to protect us, but it’s fairly textbook.

I can see a lot of minimising of your pain, you’re not yet feeling the real shock, you’re in survival mode now, the body is fighting. You may also start to feel angry at me for my post, this is normal. You’ve been put into an horrific situation, and believe me when I say this is horrific - one day at a time. It’s all you can do.

I do not see much in the way of your husband taking any actions? Forgive me if you’ve explained, and of course I may be wrong or misunderstanding - but he seems relatively calm and kicking back and cruising along? And if I’m correct, all of the plans and stress and actions are falling on you, the young girl, and her family?

Has he instigated any appointments, visits, actions with anyone?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

bittersweetheart said:


> I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?


She made herself available to your husband with no doubt about what she wanted.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Openminded said:


> Of course he wants you to believe that she pursued him. In his eyes that would make her the one who’s really at fault in this mess. And there’s always a chance that she did pursue him but it doesn’t matter. He very obviously should have said no and kept telling her that until she got the message. But he’s looking for “reasons” why he’s not completely at fault.


OP’s husband was a at fault for cheating on her.

I have seen teenage girls pursue older men. One was the band director at a local high school. The mom and daughter were both pursuing him. He slept with the daughter and the mom turned him in. The trial was a mess.

I have seen it play out in my own family. Most of us knew girls that were dating older men in high school back in the 80’s. There were girls that wanted nothing from the guys there own age. This isn’t a new thing, it’s been going on forever. Even more so after the sexual revolution. You can’t tell kids that they can have sex with whoever they want then slap a age restriction on it. It doesn’t work.

It doesn’t make it right. OP’s husband cheated on her.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

That’s really sad, I haven’t known many girls that age to persue older men, most stuck to their own age. The few that I know of in this country, were high profile cases and the men were very suspect - often the girls had emotional or psychiatric issues and the men knew they were vulnerable and thus targeted them. Sorry for threadjack, OP I hope you’re doing ok, we’re thinking of you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

When I was in my late teens it was pretty common for older teenagers to date guys a fair bit older in their mid to late 20's but these were single guys not married guys with children!


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> When I was in my late teens it was pretty common for older teenagers to date guys a fair bit older in their mid to late 20's but these were single guys not married guys with children!


That’s what I remember too, never the married ones in their 30s or 40s. Very rare


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## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

bittersweetheart said:


> I'd really like for him or somebody else to explain to me how the opportunity for a 34 year old married man to sleep with an 18 year old girl just so happened to pop up out of the blue. Is this an "opportunity" that just crosses most grown men's paths without any effort at all?


It's likely he's groomed her for some time considerably longer than the 1 year relationship. Most likely he has been using some opportunity to be alone with her. She would look up to him as an important man of value the way young people look at their adults friends. I wouldn't have thought they'd have a reason to be around each other. I doubt you will get answers from him. A common thing cheaters say is "it just happened", then I didn't know how to call it off so it continued etc. it's deflection from the accountability of their actions. 

It's a big shock when something like this happens. If you really want answers I recommend looking through his phone and email if you need closure. Check his credit card payments for hotel/motel bookings etc. who planned the meet-ups etc. I booty call doesn't go for a year. Also yeah often people who've cheated for a while may not tell the full extent. It may have started well before she turned 18. 

If you really want to know the other side perhaps you could try talk to her and her parents without your "husband" present. However, it's likely he's been in contact with her a fair bit (or would try to) to get their stories straight.

Speaking as a man; young, naked women don't present themselves to me for sex at random ever. By that time I am already in an emotional/physical relationship with them or have been working on it. Generally a female would only make herself available to a man she is comfortable doing that with. She may have lost her virginity to him. Right now he's kind of pleaded the 5th.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's possible that to use an old expression, she set her cap at him and made all the running. I know of cases where this happened. Men can be so easy to manipulate.

He should still have said no.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Sfort said:


> I guess only @Diana7 and I will get the irony of this statement.


I think everyone gets the irony of the statement. I don't put much stock in the braying of a jackass.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

bittersweetheart said:


> He plans to be involved with the child, not because he wants to but because he feels guilty and like it's his obligation.
> 
> I don't actively think about the baby being here most of the time. When I remember that it will be here and probably in my house I try to imagine how I could ever possibly deal with it. I would never take my anger out on a baby but I don't think I could treat this kid like my own children. The hurt of imagining seeing a little human being that looks like a mixture of the two of them is devastating to me. Sometimes I rationalize in my head that maybe she will become overwhelmed with motherhood and decide she wants to be young and single and will just give the baby to us and leave our lives forever. It's horrible to think. I feel like my brain is always trying to come up with and then rationalize all sorts of crazy situations that would somehow make this easier for me.


That first sentence...wow. Your husband is a real prince. Keeping in mind how babies are made, guilty and obligation are words in this situation that belie sensibility.
As for the rest of your quote, it's time to put your big girl panties on. He never had to leave your house, he still sleeps in bed with you and you have had sex with him.
I do understand all of this is a shock; but girl, your self esteem is in the gutter. This guy cheated on you for at least a year and is having a baby with this woman.
Whether you stay with him or not, get a job. I'm sorry if I seem harsh but time has not stopped and you need to wake up.


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## Realocean1 (Apr 21, 2021)

bittersweetheart said:


> Hi everyone. I’m a 33 (f) married to 34 (m). We’ve been married for 11 years. We have 3 kids together, 12, 7, 5.
> 
> I found out over the weekend that my husband has been having an affair with a 19 year old girl since she was 18 years old!!! She is the teenage daughter of a family friend. She is supposedly about 12 weeks pregnant and is saying the baby is my husband’s. I didn’t find out from my husband. No, I found out when I received a call from the girl’s mother. I’m mortified and heartbroken. I feel confused and don’t know what to believe. I confronted my husband and he did admit to the relationship. He said it wasn’t “really” a relationship but more like an extended booty call...basically, they were just having sex on a regular basis. As if that makes a damn difference to me?! He said he doesn’t know if the baby is his and at this point he has received no proof that she’s actually pregnant but “yeah, it could be mine if she is.” I don’t think I’ve ever wailed so loud in my life when I heard this come out of his mouth. I couldn’t control my reaction. I'm devastated, disgusted, embarrassed, enraged!
> 
> ...


Is he sorry? Divorce is a big step I am not sure it is best for everyone to jump to it. This can be worked through in theory and generally speaking Men affairs are not about love or a lack of love for the wife but just trying to have a different experience, like it can mean nothing to many guys.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

This makes me think of Woody Allen and Sunye. Some articles said that Sunye got very little attention in the burgeoning family of Mia Farrow which made Sunye more susceptible to WA's approaches. Parents really should keep track of their children and make them feel nurtured.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Realocean1 said:


> Is he sorry? Divorce is a big step I am not sure it is best for everyone to jump to it. This can be worked through in theory and generally speaking Men affairs are not about love or a lack of love for the wife but just trying to have a different experience, like it can mean nothing to many guys.


If it meant nothing then why did he risk their marriage? Risk loosing his children? Devastating his family?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

On occasions I am all for making a marriage work. 
On this occasion I am definitely not. Reasons being he is a 34 year old married man who was haing sex with an 18 year old(possibly younger when it started we dont know) for at least a year. He didnt even have any feelings for her(he says) and just used her as he so charmingly puts it as an 'extended bootie call', which to be honest is just disgusting as he was basically using her. Her being the daughter of a friend is even worse, he betrayed the family as well. 
He appears to have no integrity, no moral values, no remorse, no regret except that the pregnacy has stopped his ability to 'have his booty call'. In all probability he told her countless lies about your marriage and you and how he had feelings for her and maybe even that he was going to leave you for her etc etc.
I think your self esteem must be very low to even think of allowing him to carry on as if nothing has happened. Sharing the bed, having sex, giving him no consequences at all becase I guess you are just afraid of going it alone even for a few months. How could you have any respect at all for this awful man? How can you possibly think he will not do it again if not with her then with another girl?How could you trust him to have contact with her for the next 18 years? How could you have any trust in him at all?.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

@Diana7 That is all true. His reaction to the girls’ pregnancy is just gut-wrenching. This man doesn’t care about anything.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> On occasions I am all for making a marriage work.
> On this occasion I am definitely not. Reasons being he is a 34 year old married man who was haing sex with an 18 year old(possibly younger when it started we dont know) for at least a year. He didnt even have any feelings for her(he says) and just used her as he so charmingly puts it as an 'extended bootie call', which to be honest is just disgusting as he was basically using her. Her being the daughter of a friend is even worse, he betrayed the family as well.
> He appears to have no integrity, no moral values, no remorse, no regret except that the pregnacy has stopped his ability to 'have his booty call'. In all probability he told her countless lies about your marriage and you and how he had feelings for her and maybe even that he was going to leave you for her etc etc.
> I think your self esteem must be very low to even think of allowing him to carry on as if nothing has happened. Sharing the bed, having sex, giving him no consequences at all becase I guess you are just afraid of going it alone even for a few months. How could you have any respect at all for this awful man? How can you possibly think he will not do it again if not with her then with another girl?How could you trust him to have contact with her for the next 18 years? How could you have any trust in him at all?.


I don’t think your right about most of this. If she pursued him, he didn’t have to say anything about their marriage. OW didn’t care one bit about their marriage if she was the one pushing for this. I have seen teenage girls go after a guy, it doesn’t matter if they are in a relationship. They don’t care as long as they get what they want. There is no reason to assume he trashed talked OP at all.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

It’s still very concerning how many posters are blaming a TEENAGER for chasing a married man. 

It’s just too easy for the adult to say NO.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Luckylucky said:


> It’s still very concerning how many posters are blaming a TEENAGER for chasing a married man.
> 
> It’s just too easy for the adult to say NO.


I second that. I have met mature teens but there is a fundamental power imbalance when you're talking about a man in his 30s. Don't believe at all that even if a teenager is mature that they would be the one manipulating a grown man into a sexual relationship. It is such an abuse of power for a man in his 30s to have sex with a teenager, whether they are over 18 or not they are essentially a child. She may have flirted or whatever or tested her fledgling wiles, but in the end, any decent man would turn down such an offer, married or not because we're talking about essentially a child.


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## Realocean1 (Apr 21, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> If it meant nothing then why did he risk their marriage? Risk loosing his children? Devastating his family?


For a man it is just like for lack of better words this other woman was just a device who looked different but that he desired to have variety. It is highly unlikely he would wish to divorce his wife, let alone love the other woman. The reality is more men then we think are seeing prostitutes or have one night stands and then come back home and do love their wife a lot the other women meant nothing to them. I find with female affairs this is rarely the case and also women are penetrated by men so metaphysically it is a bigger deal and how men evolved the masculine types who built civilization by definition were patriarchal and would never tolerate female cheating. The reality is that historically a lot of the men women went for were possessive, patriarchal types


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Realocean1 said:


> Is he sorry? Divorce is a big step I am not sure it is best for everyone to jump to it. This can be worked through in theory and generally speaking Men affairs are not about love or a lack of love for the wife but just trying to have a different experience, like it can mean nothing to many guys.


What? Lol


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ABHale said:


> I don’t think your right about most of this. If she pursued him, he didn’t have to say anything about their marriage. OW didn’t care one bit about their marriage if she was the one pushing for this. I have seen teenage girls go after a guy, it doesn’t matter if they are in a relationship. They don’t care as long as they get what they want. There is no reason to assume he trashed talked OP at all.


Its what most men say throughout a long affair, its helps them try and justify what they are doing


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Realocean1 said:


> For a man it is just like for lack of better words this other woman was just a device who looked different but that he desired to have variety. It is highly unlikely he would wish to divorce his wife, let alone love the other woman. The reality is more men then we think are seeing prostitutes or have one night stands and then come back home and do love their wife a lot the other women meant nothing to them. I find with female affairs this is rarely the case and also women are penetrated by men so metaphysically it is a bigger deal and how men evolved the masculine types who built civilization by definition were patriarchal and would never tolerate female cheating. The reality is that historically a lot of the men women went for were possessive, patriarchal types


Its still something that warrants a divorce, what he has done is appalling and clearly shows his lack of integrity and character. If a man loves his wife he wouldn't act this way. He wouldnt risk loosing his children.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Luckylucky said:


> It’s still very concerning how many posters are blaming a TEENAGER for chasing a married man.
> 
> It’s just too easy for the adult to say NO.


Absolutely, even if she did initially go after him, he is a 34 year old married man with children.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This lousy guy who betrayed not only his wife, but his friend, is not the only bad person here. The 18 year old knew he was married and neither of these two are innocent. 
OP, your husband has extremely low character and you should divorce him. He’s not going to change. This young kid he has an affair with is just one of a long chain of ladies.

sAve yourself some heartache and file for divorce and leave him. He’s not going to ever be a trustworthy husband. Rip off the band aid. You can’t help but lose respect for him and once that is gone, you’ll be wanting to leave eventually anyway.

nothing to do here but move on.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Luckylucky said:


> It’s still very concerning how many posters are blaming a TEENAGER for chasing a married man.
> 
> It’s just too easy for the adult to say NO.


This is funny. In an age when a girl can get an abortion without parent consent at age 12. Where young adults can get the Covid vaccine at age 12 and up. Where kids as young as 6 can decide what gender they want to be.

Then I guess they can take the consequences of their own actions.

If your going to allow them to take adult rolls in everything else. They can take the adult roll when it comes to consequences.

I wonder if her parents gave her the green light to have sex when ever she wanted to start.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Realocean1 said:


> could you in theory forgive your husband if he cheated 1x while on vacation with a prostitute or a girl from Tinder and he didnt get her pregnant?


I'm not sure the relevancy of this question as this is not the situation that OP is in. Her husband engaged in a 17 month affair. 17 months of lies and deceit.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Realocean1 said:


> could you in theory forgive your husband if he cheated 1x while on vacation with a prostitute or a girl from Tinder and he didnt get her pregnant?


Forgiveness doesnt have to mean reconciliation. 
I wouldn't marry a guy with such low moral values to be honest.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

RNSoSo said:


> I'm not sure the relevancy of this question as this is not the situation that OP is in. Her husband engaged in a 17 month affair. 17 months of lies and deceit.


It started up when the OW was 18, a month or so before her 19 birthday. It has only been going on for 9-10 months.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The word 'sorry' is not a get out of jail free card. So far, he's only exhibited sorrow that he got caught. He may be genuinely sorry; but, that doesn't mean doodly squat in the grand scheme of life. The OP is young and can most likely remarry and have a genuine loving relationship.

@bittersweetheart , resist the urge to fix this for him. He needs to grow up sometime and now is as good as ever. He has to take responsibility for his actions and you have to take responsibility for your life. You can't just wait and see. 

Remember, his screwing around had nothing to do with you - you weren't lacking.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

ABHale said:


> It started up when the OW was 18, a month or so before her 19 birthday. It has only been going on for 9-10 months.


Ah, okay, I must have confused the timeline. Regardless, 9-10 months of repeadetly lying, scheming and plotting to have relations with someone other than his wife is way too long. Let us also not forget the only reason OP found out is because her husband got the OW pregnant and OP got a phone call from OW mom. Her husband was not remorseful, regretful and forthcoming about the affair.


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## Realocean1 (Apr 21, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Forgiveness doesnt have to mean reconciliation.
> I wouldn't marry a guy with such low moral values to be honest.


Hypothetically. So you are not married, that is fine I am just asking. Hypothetically


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Realocean1 said:


> Hypothetically. So you are not married, that is fine I am just asking. Hypothetically


I am married. 16 years.


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## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

bittersweetheart said:


> I know next to nothing about child support. Never thought I'd have to. The order in which she and I would file for child support will effect how much he'd be required to pay me?
> 
> Not only am I embarrassed by what he's done and by being made a fool of, but I'm also embarrassed to admit that I haven't made up my mind to divorce him yet. How ridiculous! If I had been asked before this became my reality I would have said that 100% without a doubt yet I would divorce him.
> 
> I will be getting an STD panel done next week and I'm scared about what might be found. I've started to wonder if this is the first time he's cheated on me over the years. I'm starting to reexamine all of the years we spent together and any signs that he may have done this sort of thing before.


I do not know why you feel embarrassed, this is on him. You have done nothing wrong. I would put him on blast street and make his life a living hell. 

First thing you need to do is stop crying, he is not worth it, there are better men out there. I would make it known. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off. You are past the point of suspicions. Look him in the eye and tell him you can do a lot better than him and you will. 

I told my exwife after she made her choices, she will never find anyone as good as me or anyone that will put up with her ****. 
Almost 10 years ago, I began moving on with my life, its tough and everyday is just another step down am uncertain path but its worth it. 

She is divorced again for a 2nd time, I feel bad that she got involved in a horrible violent abusive relationship, I guess Mr Right she left me for turned out to be a total POS with a drug and alcohol problem. Several times he beat her up, once he knocked to the ground and commenced to gut kicking her until she passed out, then he gave her a new hair cut. Shaved all her hair off. He ran her over once. Forced her to have sex with another woman. That was before she married him, lol. 
She belly ached to me several years ago about the abuse she went through and how sorry she was that did what she did to me blah blah blah. She wished she could turn back time. I said oh hell no, I wouldn't change a thing, you deserved everything you got and anything in the future that happens to be bad for you. I have no love for you or respect. I did 2 years in prison so she could go free and finish college to find out she pissed it all away. I should have thrown her to the wolves and took a deal that benefited me instead of eating the whole charge that both of us was involved in so she wouldn't go to prison. But again I would not change a thing. I have a little meme sitting beside me now and he is the apple of my eye. 

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

The husband appears to be sad only that he got caught and that his way of life may have to change... at least temporarily.

No one has a 10-month booty call. It's likely he told the girl that he had feelings for her. This would explain why the girl thinks (or thought) there was hope for a relationship with this guy when she learned she was pregnant. 

Aside from the OP, there are the children to think of - how will OP's kids feel about being step-brothers to the baby their dad fathered with their ex-babysitter? How will they feel if mom decides to stay with dad? How will they feel when dad can't do whatever he usually does with them on the weekend because he's got custody of his newborn then? Speaking of which, what will OP's obligation to this newborn be? Not legally, but practically. If baby spends the weekend with dad and OP chooses to stay in the marriage, she will be woken up for nighttime feedings, bad dreams, etc., etc. She's not going to be able to just ignore this child in her home.

It's a mess. If it were me, I'd get out for my and my kids' health and sanity.


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