# Ladies advice



## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

So we have been separated three months she now has her own apartment of her own and we split the kids 50/50. So here is where things get interesting so turns out this whole time and before we split she was buddy buddy with a male coworker who she hangs out with a lot even with our kids. She says he's just a friend nothing more but could see something maybe down the road, he has also left his wife and moved of all places across the street from her. So me and her have been mostly at each others throats since till about 2 weeks ago we have had friendly even flirty texts snap chat each other daily. We have talked about us and she has gone from let's divorce to I'm not ready now. So I try not to look into things but is their a chance? I have seen several women one I really liked unfortunately she's moving next month so I'm not hung up on her but the part of getting back together does sound good. So what is your opinions?
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## hurt and cofused (Aug 14, 2013)

Sorry but it sounds highly likely thats she is sleeping with that dude.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you and your wife? How long have you been married? How old are your children?

She's having an affair.

No man or woman leave their spouse to live across the road from each other and just be friends.

Does his wife know about his relationship with your wife? You might want to talk to his wife. She might be a lot of help to you in breaking them up.


Also read the sticky threads in the Coping with Infidelity forum.

Is there hope? Only about 3% of affairs last and become long term relationship. So most likely this relationship is not going to last very long. If she's saying that she's not ready for divorce then it's a pretty good indicator that it's already fizzling.

You have been separated for only 3 months and you are dating? Does not sound like either you nor your wife take your marriage seriously. This just adds complications.

If you are serious about wanting to get back with her, I suggest you get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

No I dont think thats a nice thing to do 'breaking them up'. 
Your wife is a person in her own right not your chattel.
Although I am against adultery it is still up to the parties concerned.

You will have to really sort it out with your wife. I dont think even if you take her back it will be for long. She most likely will still soon find someone else again.


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

The affair (I would bet it is) is a problem, but it is not the only problem. To get your wife back and keep her, you both will need to work out your previous problems. Right now you are PLAN B for your wife. I agree with talking to OM wife if possible.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Yeah dude, it's an affair. Certainly an EA if not a full on PA. The affair cloud will prevent any sort of reconciling, and if she is really changing her tune lately, it could certainly be because the affair is fizzling. (or if I had to guess, she fully offered herself to him and, faced with the fact that he can't just lead her on anymore, has been rejecting the commitment) That'll certainly cause her to "fall back" to her former safety zone of minimally trying to "make it work" just in case she can't convince the OM to commit.

But Noas55 is right. The problem isn't just that she cheated, it's the issues that led her to cheating. The vast majority of the time, people don't just cheat for giggles and lust, it's usually because there is something they need that the relationship is no longer providing for them for whatever reason. You both need to figure that out. Especially since, in the same breath of trying to figure out your wife and how to make things better, you are also pointing out that you have interest in other women too. (That's info we didn't need, but you felt a need to point it out, which tells me that it's a problem)

Anyhow, you weren't asking for opinions from guys soo... good luck!


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

The kids are 7 4 and 1 he has left his wife that's why he moved across the street from her. I know im plan b but I am not waiting for her I am living my life and if she comes back into it so be it. I have dated one girl we have gone on a few movie dates over the past few monthsnothing has happened other than a hug bye. Last night she tells me we don't need to contact each other unless its kid related which it was like until last week when she started texting me and sending me face pics. I sent her one last night and a half hour after she says that and says I don't want my exs pic showing up when I'm with someone else which to means he was there when I sent it and got mad
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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Well she just told me she didn't want me doing that stuff now because she sees herself dating him. So now all communication will be about kids only
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## hereinthemidwest (Oct 7, 2010)

I think I would be safe to save she was seeing him while married. PLEASE dont see other women now. You aren't ready and you'll just drag people into your mess. TIME AND TIME I see this. Someone leaves the marriage and other person feels like they cheated and have bf/gf so can I. Spend time with kids, friends and learn about yourself. Best of luck to you.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Yep, focus on being a great dad right now. Assuming it goes to divorce, you'll be in a great position for a good custody arrangement (whatever type of arrangement you would find preferable), you'll earn the admiration of others as well if she is clearly dating someone new so soon while you are focusing your attention on your kids. It presents a great comparison really. And you won't be the only one suspecting that she was cheating while you were still together as well.

If there is a chance to save the marriage, she will certainly notice your efforts to be a better dad, and your willingness to focus on them and yourself will only make you appear more desirable both to her and other women as well. You can't lose either way.


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