# Online Dating: your thoughts



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Ok, 
So I made a fake name just so I could snoop around match.com and see what kinds of fishes are in the sea. 

Whaddya think? Ever done it? What's the inside scoop? I don't want to get date raped and murdered.

Here's the other thing--44, living with my mom, trying to put my life back on track. Sort of (very) self conscious about my state of affairs. 
Honestly, I dunno. 



Thoughts? 

Thanky.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

I met lots of cool people on *******. Their matching system is exceptionally good. It's absolutely free.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

thx Shawn


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Williams said:


> -bump-


Educate me. What did I do wrong? What's a bump?


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Stop talking to Williams. Ignore.

A gal at my church met her guy through a dating site. As long as you use a legitimate one I think they're fine.

It doesn't make you desperate or anything like that. It's just a quicker way to meet someone who shares your interests.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

When I was single, I signed up to Plenty of You know what...was honest, put up my real photo, wrote a nice blurb, and had no luck at all; I won't even go into the content of the replies I got...it all seemed so desperate. 

I got fed up and posted an outrageously sarcastic profile blurb, saying stuff like "High maintenance princess looking for her frog; must be willing to pay for EVERYTHING..." blah blah blah, I can't remember the rest, it was years ago. The responses I got from that profile were more interesting and more fun than any from my previous one. There was one man I began writing back and forth with, but due to distance, nothing materialized. The same week, I began dating my future husband...so no more plenty of idiots for me...


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

I met my husband through match.com. I met and went out with four or five others before I met him and all were nice but the chemistry wasn't there. You can't judge by the posted pictures, no one looks like their picture and you have to ignore all the "I love walks on the beach, and moonlight dinners blah blah blah...we all say that to attract someone. Once you actually start communicating...that's when you can get an idea of who they really are. Be warned...you'll have to wade through plenty of oysters before you find a pearl, but it is possible.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello 
Most people do find love on those websites. I would just say to be yourself, your real self on those websites. You want to find somebody that aligns with whom you are, right? Not a douch***, hen?


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

I've never really done the whole online dating thing. I guess I got lucky just meeting nice and cute guys around me (and of course that includes my hubby.) But I do have friends who do online dating and they do meet wonderful people on there. I guess it all depends on the person. Some people have more confidence talking to people online instead of face to face. I would advise at least making your information and pictures real just so that if you do meet a nice person then it wouldn't start out as a lie. Good luck!


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I found my guy online. I've really only done the online thing, I have like zero people skills when it comes to that type of thing and I'm very shy with people. Soooo, online dating was what worked for me.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Good to hear some success stories. Of the people I've spoken to IRL, not one has had any success. Meeting people for quick shags, ya, but not one long lasting. My H used to do the online dating. We met through friends. The old fashioned way. 

Still, not to say that one way is better than any other!


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

I met my wife through eharmony. She lived across town and we never would have met otherwise. I'm not shy, but casually finding other compatible single people as dating candidates was a much slower process than finding each other online. You can also screen out various incompatibilities before you get attached: do you have kids? do you want kids? do we have any religious conflicts? are you a partier or a family guy/gal? Dogs? Cats? Vegan? 

I know some people who hated online dating, but I enjoyed it.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I think online dating can work, especially if people are not into the club scene etc.

I have a friend (yes, a real friend lol), she's a widow. She's been on the Plenty of ... site for years. The stories she has told me have made me laugh so hard. Recently she went on a date who she says "was a nice Italian man", I was like ok, sounds good, he brought home made wine to the restaurant. At the end of the dinner (which he invited her to), he's apparently staring at the bill for a bit too long, so my friend says "would you like me to chip in on the bill", he then responds "actually, yes" (wtf?)...My friend then says "I only have a 5 dollar bill (she's not cheap)", he turns around and says "fine I'll use it for the tip". OMG, I couldn't believe it. Maybe I'm a bit traditional, but when someone invites you out to dinner, shouldn't they pay???

She's told me most of the men she's met are one time dates. That many are cheap. I guess as someone posted you have to go through a lot of the creeps to get to the good ones.

I have two good friends that met each other through a dating site, so we know it can work.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> When I was single, I signed up to Plenty of You know what...was honest, put up my real photo, wrote a nice blurb, and had no luck at all; I won't even go into the content of the replies I got...it all seemed so desperate.


Fun story. I met my gf on *******. Before meeting me, she met some guy on plenty of fail. A couple years later, that guy suddenly showed up on *******. We had a look through his match questions and holy crap that guy is insane. BPD is a drop in the bucket compared to how crazy this guy is.

******* also has a blog about statistics, and some of it is very interesting.
blog.*******.com/
The stats say that the single most effective picture a girl can post is the crappy myspace picture. Women look better when looking at the camera. Men look better looking away. Men also look better when they are pictured with animals. 




> I think online dating can work, especially if people are not into the club scene etc.


Women might go to clubs to dance. Men go to clubs to find women to sleep with. You will almost never find a good person at a club.


I think one of the good filtering things about ******* is that it takes a lot of time to make a good profile. plenty of suck has something like 2 boxes where you write a little blurb and it takes maybe 5 minutes to make a profile. ******* has lots of text boxes and it takes _hours_ to fill out tons of match questions. When you see someone has 2 sentences and 0 questions answered, it's pretty obvious that they're not really interested in finding someone. I have several hundred questions answered and my gf has over a thousand. Looking at the time commitment, one can see that we really did want to meet someone.


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## lifesabeach (Feb 25, 2012)

I found my wife on Match. We have been together 12 years and married for 10. So I can vouch that you can find someone on those sites.

When we tell someone that we met online people still look at us and say "No really - where did you meet?" :rofl:


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

can't say for anyone else, but it was a waste of time and money for me. I did match.com and didn't meet anyone. the funny thing was my highest percent match was my ex husband.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I created an account on ******* several months ago.
Because of my job and the lack of time to meet people outside my workplace I thought I'd join.
But to be honest, I have never liked the idea in the first place and I don't think I ever will.
I find myself to hardly trusting people on there. You never know for real the person who's hiding behind the computer until you meet them in real life and you might create fake hopes.
I met several guys there but then all of a sudden I deactivated my account. I was tired of having to introduce myself all over again to anyone who I thought would interest me. 
Also, keeping in touch with ther person only virtually makes things colder. 
Out of some guys, I met only one. It was just one single date but deep down I knew he wasn't for me. After that, I put my account on hold and I don't think about getting back there anytime soon.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Well, I for one have been on match since the middle of January on the advice of my cousin. I have had great success. Iv'e met several women I didn't care to see again, but also I have met 1/2 a dozen that I have taken out numerous times. Dumped 3 because they wanted more than I was willing to give and currently seeing only one special lady who is rocking my world at the moment! Incredibly beautiful, open, loving and fun. 

My suggestion however, is to make sure you make your profile interesting. Have some humor. Write that they should ask you about the time you ran into a rattle snake or were in an airplane that lost an engine. Any little anecdote that will spark there interest in contacting you for the first time. The problem with online dating is getting people to actually notice you and want to hear more. I used a funny email to send to women that came up as matched or to reply to the ones who emailed me first. Also, once you make contact don't send countless emails back and forth. after one or two rounds, get together for coffee or a glass of wine. an hour to 90 minutes top. No expectations other than meet and talk. I don't even call these a date.

Trust me. I am no Brad Pit; but, you would think I was Adonis given the fun I have had. PM me if you want more specific advise. I am actually off match now. More attention than I can handle at the current time ;-)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have heard that these days 1 out of every 5 relationship starts online.

The idea is to look for guys in your area (no long distance). Do not carry on long term (months on end) flirtations with a guy online. Meet each guy you think might work out within the first 2 months of meeting them online. Meet is a place like a coffee house... low pressure place.

Meeting the guys in person eliminates the guys are who just making up false personalities to string someone along for a cyber relationship. And if you meet a guy you think you have chemistry with and want to date him... verify everything he's told you.

It can be a good way to meet people.


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## Hank567 (Apr 23, 2012)

I'll take some of that advice KanDo, so far my online dating experience has been fairly soul-crushing. I've met quite a few people, and 95% of them ended up having serious issues. I must be doing something wrong here.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Hank567 said:


> I'll take some of that advice KanDo, so far my online dating experience has been fairly soul-crushing. I've met quite a few people, and 95% of them ended up having serious issues. I must be doing something wrong here.


Welcome to reality. Out of all the people I have met in my entire life, I can probably count all of the sane people on 1 hand.

I've experienced online dating so I know what you're talking about. My brother doesn't do online stuff; he's a club and bars kind of guy with a huge circle of friends. His people seem so much worse than my internet people. His gf of several years was hardcore borderline, but we didn't know that because he never told us any of the crazy and physically abusive stuff she did until after they broke up.

Expect to meet lots of crazies while you search for a mate.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ShawnD said:


> Expect to meet lots of crazies while you search for a mate.


I have no experience with this whatsoever, but some of my girlfriends do...they generally have little good to say. It has gotten them dates for sure... but alot of stange characters. Can't say they aren't a little strange themselves though. 

What I have noticed is ... the nice men who are available wouldn't even bother with it. Some of them are content living alone over going that route, they find it desperate somehow and won't lower themselves......which is a real shame I think. 

I know if I died, my husband wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. But he is the type that should. 

Too many game players, everyone puffs themselves up to be exciting / a sense of humor / adventerous / Confident and will answer all your dreams.... then you meet them. :scratchhead::sleeping: Too many Fakers out there trying to play it up ...just to get laid. 

And the ones who are honest ....likely come off as boring and uneventful ....so they get overlooked. 

Just my 2 cents ....even it isn't worth much.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> And the ones who are honest ....likely come off as boring and uneventful ....so they get overlooked.


Yep, just like real life. Nobody wants to date a guy who has a stable job and doesn't care if you go out with your friends. Everybody wants to date the guy who flips out and gets jealous for no apparent reason.

A book I bought a couple days ago is called Why Men Love B!tches and it goes over some of the way to attract a man (or woman) by being a bit flaky :smthumbup:


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> Ok,
> So I made a fake name just so I could snoop around match.com and see what kinds of fishes are in the sea.
> 
> Whaddya think? Ever done it? What's the inside scoop? I don't want to get date raped and murdered.
> ...


Online dating is just another avenue to meet people. If fact you might have better research tools at your disposal. 

Some rules of thumb I have learned from my past ventures into online dating.

1. Its ok to ask for a current photo. 
2. If you like somebody start a chat session and chit chat.
3. If you decide to meet, FIRST do a background check that includes your county court records. You would be surprised how many people out there have rap sheets a mile long. You don't need this. Instant ignore button. 
4. When you actually meet this person do it in public places and NEVER go home with this person until you really get to know them. 
5. Always inform a friend or family of the person's name you are seeing. 

6. On a date have fun but listen out for red flags. The first hint of nut job or emotional issues means "check please" and take me home right now. I once dated a girl that within the first hour of the date introduced me to her dad then when we left her house to go to dinner she proceeded to tell me that she was molested as a kid on the car ride over. Wow, i'm so sorry honey but i'm not going to take that baggage on.
7. Buy a stun gun or mace!


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## Hank567 (Apr 23, 2012)

ShawnD said:


> Yep, just like real life. Nobody wants to date a guy who has a stable job and doesn't care if you go out with your friends. Everybody wants to date the guy who flips out and gets jealous for no apparent reason.:


That's what I was afraid of. The girls that are ok with being with a stable normal guy are already married, and aren't going to get divorced. The ones that are divorced are the ones who don't want a stable normal guy. 
#reasons why dating in your thirties sucks


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I have used online dating. I got into a (bad) relationship that lasted about a year (it would have been shorter if I hadn't moved to another state where I had no home and no job, but that's another story.) 

I met quite a few people with whom I'm still friends. One of them introduced me to my wonderful husband.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

I've done it quite successfully (met my future wife that way), and I've personally known other people who gained a spouse because of it. It's gotten to the point where non-computer people are understanding that it's valid and even popular.

Online dating is another tool, nothing more, nothing less really. How you use it and how much effort you put into being good with it is the largest factor in the results you get.

It is a bit immature as a medium for meeting for people and we're collectively still learning how best to use it. It's greatest power is in time and scope. It greatly increases the sheer number of possible connections -- think about it this way - if the internet were gone forever tomorrow, in the following year how many new/unique single people of the opposite sex would you look at and get looked at by, given the routines of your life?

So the sheer numbers go up by an few orders of magnitude. But the basics remain the same - demographics help drive the patterns of contact, men and women are still looking for the basic things. The ease and anonymity do mean that a lot of people might send a desperate/crude message electronically when they wouldn't do the same in a bar (paging CandieGirl). 

In meatspace ( real life as opposed to cyberspace), finding someone that is really well suited to you and having you be similarly suited to them is a relatively rare event. The sad truth is that we often settle/have settled for less because it seems like the best we can do (or the best we think we can do) and hope for the best. Online, it's not any different - most people aren't a good match, especially the more you are looking for someone on the far end of the NSA hookup to life-long married partner scale. The numbers are greater for a given interval of time though. And once you meat, er meet, it's still as much work as always has been to get to know each other, look for red-flags, communicate, share experiences, and explore the potential. If anything, technology makes it easier, as you can talk with each other via IM while waiting for the compiler to finish 

And the same rules for success apply - be honest, be a realist, be discriminating, look for chemistry and shared values, etc. 


SahunD said it well: "Expect to meet lots of crazies while you search for a mate." True for online and offline.

I disagree a bit with the "Nobody wants to date a guy who has a stable job" comments. It's easy to confuse 'stable' with 'boring'. Generally it seems that women like guys who have some excitement to them. Often that's the bad boy, but wonderfully nice guys can also be very exciting (takes some work). 

Basically it's the same as its always been - both sides are looking to snag the best partner that they can find and attract with what they have to bring to the table. Demographics and competitiveness do matter in dating, no matter how it's done.


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## inferno2012 (May 3, 2012)

I met my wife and best friend on plenty of fish. we only lived 10 minutes away from each. if it wasn't for plenty of fish we would have never met.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

It's not for everyone. Some people let one bad experience stop them and then they tell their friends and etc....it works for some, not all.

I personally wouldn't go as far as paying for one but anyhow, I decided to try to see what would happen and signed up for *******. I openly stated that I was open to friends (male AND female) and whatever happens, happens. I met some who became good friends....and I also met my husband on there. He was no stranger to the online dating thing like I was and so didn't hesitate after several weeks of talking to me to drive the two and a half hours to come visit me. 

If you're nervous, don't do it. Be sure it's what you want otherwise you'll think everybody who messages you is a creeper and will kill you, etc. Be confident but also be smart about it.


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

Just like anything, it's not for everyone. It's neither a good thing or a bad thing anymore than smoked salmon is (hubby loves it; I hate salmon).

I met my husband on *******. My daughter is getting married in August. She met her fiance on *******. I made some great friends, too, from the site. You've got to be careful and you've got to be smart...no different than meeting someone in public whom you've know idea who they *really* are. Ted Bundy didn't meet his victims online; he met them on college campuses and the like. 

Talk a lot, ask questions, ask some of the SAME questions you've already gotten answers too. I won't go into all the "do's and don'ts" of online dating; there are plenty of advice columns out there for that.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

SepticChange said:


> If you're nervous, don't do it. Be sure it's what you want otherwise you'll think everybody who messages you is a creeper and will kill you, etc. Be confident but also be smart about it.


That accurately describes most single women.
cute guy buys you a drink at the bar --> he's so creepy
even cuter guy holds a door open for you --> what a creep
hottest man alive smiles at you as you walk by --> total creep

Men and women with emotional problems seem to go in opposite directions. The men want relationships, so you'll find that 99% of the people on ******* or eharmony are men, and many of them are needy. The women with emotional problems seem to prefer being alone. All of the single women I know are single by choice.


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## OnlineDatingDrLuv (Aug 15, 2012)

I ve met many friends on match.com and adultfriendfinder.com. I met my future mate there. I've also almost been scammed but I learned how to avoid the fakes and scams. In fact, I now teach men how to find their mates through those two sites.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> Ok,
> So I made a fake name just so I could snoop around match.com and see what kinds of fishes are in the sea.
> 
> Whaddya think? Ever done it? What's the inside scoop? I don't want to get date raped and murdered.
> ...


It worked for me but not before I met some real winners.:scratchhead:


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

First, I wouldn't use the name you have on here!  

Second... you might have to kiss alot of toads... you know.....

Third....meetup.com is more laid back, group meets, sorted into interest groups


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Yeah, I've done some meet ups. They can be a good way to fill time, but haven't met anyone I'd date. 

drat. Might try the cupid site tho. free works.


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## pastflame (Jan 4, 2013)

On line dating: my thoughts....


Stay away! if you are traditional, have some moral values on promiscuous lifestyles and feel strongly about them! best to avoid the on line dating!
I met my wife on line, too many white lies to hang on to you when they find out you are a catch or as someone put it.. a pearl!
she had been on line for many years and had lots of "fun" built up, failed relationships, one nights, weirdos, abusers and some just plain old getting your oil changed cus she could! of course I found out most of this after we were engaged and married, yes I was naive to the whole on line dating, she was my first on line date!

It is rare but I am sure there are some reserved people on there? people that use it to meet and try to get to know someone, unfortunitly most learn to deceive to get what they want, the men are the best at it, they lie about their status about everything and pray on the insecurity and vulnerability of wemon just out of marriages etc! wemon I found for the most part were up front and agressive, sex and having fun is what drives "most" on line dating in the beginning.

If you are strong and secure, know exactly what you want and will not settle for less and are patient with your desires, I guess you can meet Mr/Mrs Right on line, but as many have said on here, you will have to sit through dinners, movies, drinks, coffee talks and yes of course the biggest drawing card... "sex time" to find them! 

Yes I sound bias and I did meet my wife which I love very much on line, but after 5 years it still causes trouble, it took her years to learn, I am not the guys you sacked with from your old on line days, someone you treated like crap cus you knew you can toss them aside for the next one who was just a e-mail away!

yep on line dating can build up huge Baggage in a person who has spent a long time there, they get into a mind set and routine that can be hard to break when they do meet the right one, why, becuse they have had everything there own way for years....except learning how to live and share with one person that will be with them every day for the rest of their lives.

Baggage, sorry, but if you choose to give it a shot, just be prepared to meet people who have been through an abundance of people in many ways, they will have slept with lots, cus that the on line theory of how you get to realy know someone!! they will have had lots of good time and seen lots with former boy/girl friends and have a mind set...so,dont give them too much too soon, if there worth it they will wait and if they care for you they wont pressure, but if you just want your oil changed by any old grease monkey, you will be in the right place to have that done...good luck!


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