# Dear Sally letter on 2/10/12



## sallyjl2000 (Feb 12, 2012)

On friday I cam home to find a "dear john" letter. We have been married 5 years and have no kids. I had no idea that things were that bad. He is staying somewhere but wants me to move out. i talked to him today and he said that life is becoming to stressful with our marriage and his job. He also said that he needed "time." When I asked him about working on the marriage he said he would go to marriage couseling. I told him I didn't really have anywhere to go accept to get an appartment and thats what he wants me to do. He didn't want to do marriage couseling at first but now said that we can see each other once a week. He said he would work on the marriage but I don't know if i believe that he will really try. Any advice?


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

Why should you move? He left.


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## sallyjl2000 (Feb 12, 2012)

I can't afford the house. In all honesty, I don't want the house. I have another property close to my job that I will move into.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

sallyjl2000 said:


> I can't afford the house. In all honesty, I don't want the house. I have another property close to my job that I will move into.


Well, if that works for you. I have seen people who have suggested not to move out to work things out and others say it's the only way to save a marriage... So there's no 'right' answer. At least yours says he is open to marriage counseling. Any chance his job could change rather than the marriage partner? 

Glad you found somewhere to stay.


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## sallyjl2000 (Feb 12, 2012)

Trust me when I say I don't want to move out, but he won't come home til I do. He says he can't be around me. I even offered a compromise for me to live upstairs and him to live downstairs. I would stay out of his way. He said it would mess with his head and that it would make him feel guilty and worry about me. To me, that is God or your heart talking to you. He said if I would not move out then he could not afford to pay the mortgage and for his apartment.


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## nc_girl (Feb 12, 2012)

I hate to say it, but something doesn't sound right about this. Why can't he face you to talk about this? He can't even talk to you in person about something as important as your marriage, but yet he says he is willing to go to counseling? I'm glad you were able to find a place to stay, but I would suggest getting some answers about why he can't seem to talk to you face to face when you go to your counseling sessions.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

nc_girl said:


> I hate to say it, but something doesn't sound right about this. Why can't he face you to talk about this? He can't even talk to you in person about something as important as your marriage, but yet he says he is willing to go to counseling? I'm glad you were able to find a place to stay, but I would suggest getting some answers about why he can't seem to talk to you face to face when you go to your counseling sessions.


I agree. Any clues at all?

It also sounds like emotional blackmail. Would he really want a foreclosure? 

No compromise his way or now way? (Okay, mine is doing that crap too... I have no answers to why either) 

That sucks.


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

I'll tell you my experience, however don't assume that yours will be the same as mine...ever situation is unique.

My wife told me she wanted a separation (well, used the word, but also used the word divorce too...so I can't really clarify which she really meant, I assume divorce)

She wanted me to move out...same situation, I can't afford the house on my own...she can...

She made it seem like, by me moving out, it would give us time to "work on things"....however, she had no intention to go to counseling or to work on our marriage.

After I moved out, she got even more cold and nasty...she filed for divorce just recently, and is making me "talk to her lawyer" so that she doesn't not have to hear/speak with me herself...

Once I moved out, it was already over.

However, each situation is different, and it seems good that he is willing to still see you and go to marriage counselling!


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

CSeryllum said:


> I'll tell you my experience, however don't assume that yours will be the same as mine...ever situation is unique.
> 
> My wife told me she wanted a separation (well, used the word, but also used the word divorce too...so I can't really clarify which she really meant, I assume divorce)
> 
> ...


:iagree:

once I moved out... the STBXW had an PA.
so, is there any chance something like this is happening?


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