# What to expect in marriage



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Having been married for 25 years, let me suggest what you can expect. 

1. Frequency About twice a week is right. If you are a man expecting substantially more, that is unreasonable. 30 years ago, when many women did not work, the numbers were slightly higher. Wiomen are going to have relations when they are relaxed and comfortable; and that will happen less with a demanding job and then takes care of 2 kids. You can expect once during the week and once on a weekend, and helping woman around the house and being loving and supportive can help this along with making her happier. If you are doing that and she is still resistant and you are getting a lot less, than she is being unreasonable. 

2. Type Sorry men, pbj is the sandwich a lot of kids like, not the other thing. Don't expect it on a regular basis and it will decrease after the kids for reasons not completely known. Its absence is normal and not the sign of rejection or marital problems. 

3. Weight Many women will gain weight after having kids. They are busy and may grab a meal on the run and not have time for aerobics, etc. You have a right to comment, just as she will comment about things she does not like. That said, saying her weight makes her unattractive in bed is a stupid and unproductive thing to say. It will not motivate her; it will just make her have a lower self-image, be mad at you, let you see her naked less, and diminish relations. Obviously weight does not change functionality, so don't introduct it into this area.
If you lost your job and she said she no longer finds you attractive, you'd be made and when you got a good job, would likely find a way to get even. 

4. Fidelity Women can forgive a lot of things, just not infidelity. 
That said, the woman who constantly denies her husband gives him the moral justification to go elsewhere.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I cant agree with #4. If a wife isnt willing to put out, the Husband is justified in divorce, not cheating.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> I cant agree with #4. If a wife isnt willing to put out, the Husband is justified in divorce, not cheating.


:iagree:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I can`t agree with most of it.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

This may be the experience of the OP, but I would like to put in my own 2 cents worth. In my 39 years of marriage, here is what I have come to expect:

1. Frequency can range from once a week to every day. It all depends on the week. Sometimes life can get in the way, but that does not mean that we are not still madly in love.
2. The way you got her is the way you keep her. Lack of sexual frequency can be a result of not meeting the needs of my wife. I need to keep the romance alive, do my fair share of the housework, connect with her daily, and treat her with respect.
3. Realize that she will probably not initiate sex often. Get over it. Many women are wired to respond. Don't ask for it, go for it. She may refuse, she may not. Often my wife is not really into it until she gets into it...then watch out!! Also realize that, on occasion, she may not feel like having an orgasm. That is not your fault (unless, of course, you are a selfish lover).
4. At least in my experience, although my wife gained a little (25 lbs) after having kids, she has lost it. And when I say gained 25 lbs, she was only about 100 lbs when we got married at 16 & 17 years old. She is back down to 110 lbs. (before I get the "she is too skinny" comments, she is only 5'2")
5. What I also get in marriage is a life partner who is my best friend, who is my biggest fan, who works hard in the home, and out of the home. I can come home after a long day, go to bed and cuddle up to her cute little naked body and (sex or not) go to sleep in total contentment.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Ok, Please tell me where you found these "rules" ?

If you want to live by them, more power to you.

But nothing you have written resembles my 21 year realationship.....Thank God.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I think it can / should only get as bad as what you're willing to settle for. There's a mindset here that men are powerless and at the mercy of their wives' whims and desires.. at a family Christmas function my cousin was joking about how he'd rather just have a friend with benefits because the 'benefits' stop when you give her a wedding ring.. I told him, 'well, alot of that is up to you.' As men we have some degree of power to make it happen, and unless there is something seriously wrong with your wife, or unless you're just really bad at sex, she will want you to reach out and take it from time to time.

We are just a year into a marriage where we have a plethora of textbook reasons to not have sex, yet we are still making it happen. We are new parents, money is always tight, we both work full time, she is slightly overweight and has a few health issues, works on her feet from 6am and is often exhausted, she doesn't have a particularly strong sex drive, yet we are still going at it roughly 2-3x/week and it is actually starting to get better, not worse. I attribute some of this to the fact that we're still pretty much newlyweds and I've made it clear to her early on that sex is going to be a priority in our marriage. I also try very hard to be the best husband I can be and keep her as happy and comfortable as possible - doing little things to make her feel special, doing most of the laundry, taking turns staying up with the baby to make sure she gets enough sleep, etc. These things work in my favor, not always short term but definitely in the long run.

She knows that I am a horny bastard and sex is a big part of my 'love language.' At the same time, I've learned to not worry about it so much.. it's perfectly ok to not have sex when she is tired, because she's made it clear that she will make it up to me as soon as she can. She's redeemed enough 'rain checks' that I've gradually learned to trust her when she says 'next time,' and that it will be worth the wait!

ETA: strongly disagree on #2. If bjs are important to you, you should ask for them. It would be nice if we didn't have to ask but it's not always the case. If my wife just suddenly stopped giving me BJs for no good reason, she would hear about it. Unless you are totally ok with not getting them, there is nothing wrong with letting her know what you like, as long as you're not a a **** about it!. Again, it's not completely out of your control.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband has no expectations of me, nor do I of him. It's worked extremely well in our marriage(12 years). 

My husband has always put my needs before his. Our passion is better then ever! I have learned to initiate much more often. I let him know early in the day, if he wants a night off from sex, he tells me, so I don't pressure him. I flirt, kiss, hold hands, snuggle, gaze into his eyes, ect.... Oh, I LOVE taking showers with hubby!!!

With the weight. I've gained, lost, gained, lost, gained, lost almost what I gained. I use to run 36 miles a week. I broke my neck 4 years ago, so cardio is out of the picture. I do go on the stationary bike, but I won't lose any weight from it. My metabolism has greatly sloooowed down, I'm getting older. I watch what I eat. I'm no longer toned. My husband is VERY athletic, but my weight gains have never bothered him. He always has been sexually attracted to ME.  I prefer myself to be thin. I would never lose weight for anyone, but myself.

Even during our less frequent sex encounters, my husband never complained or went elsewhere. We don't fight or argue. If we don't agree on an issue, we talk it through and compromise. My husband is my best friend. We both put in a lot if effort into our marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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