# Wife says she is gay



## ub69me (Jul 27, 2008)

wife went on a week vacation.
my wife says she is gay. 
after 15 years being together 12 years married
and 2 kids. 
the kids hate her . and all i want to know is what the heck happened.
she wont call me or even talk to me
no comunication in 3 weeks 
any suggestions 
PLEASE HELP


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

It is tough to save a relationship when one party will not correspond in any fashion. Continue to try and reach her if for nothing else than to have he explain what happened. Failing that, file for divorce for abandonment.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

ub69me said:


> the kids hate her . and all i want to know is what the heck happened.
> she wont call me or even talk to me
> no comunication in 3 weeks
> any suggestions
> PLEASE HELP


If she is unwilling to talk to you at all, I would focus attention on the kids. Why do they hate her? For leaving or do they know that she is gay? I don't know your kids' ages, but this is most likely very devistating to them and they probably feel scared/abandoned? I would suggest family counseling for you and the kids to work through what must be going on in all of your minds.

I hope she comes to her senses and at least starts communicating with you again, but until that happens take care of yourself and your kids.


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## Mrs. Negestie (Jul 15, 2008)

Trying to talk to her will be the best way of finding out what went wrong or maybe this all just a phase.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Just because she didn't express to you that she is gay does not mean that this is a sudden realization by her, or that it is a bizarre mental issue with her.

It very well could be that she has hidden this part of her, unexpressed, from everyone.

Then she may have met someone who allowed her to express it.

Yes, she has messed up and her hidden part of her is a shock to you and to your kids.

Do what you can to protect yourself and your kids but also try to see if you can accept her as she is, not as you want her to be.


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## ub69me (Jul 27, 2008)

After all this time with no contact i get a call out oof the blue from her.
she says that we both have issues that we need to get straight.
i understand this part. as far as the kids go now she is living in a womans shelter and is applying for housing and she has no job. she told me that when she gets a place that she want to have the kids live with her. i know that neither of the kids want to live with her because of the fact that she up and left 1 and that she is gay. they want mom back the way she was. its that or nothing from what the kids tell me.
i am a man of my words and i will and have all the backing for my kids. and i honor there decisions 100%. i will not force them to do something they dont want to do.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Why is she in a woman's shelter?

Is she afraid for some reason?

If i were you, I'd seek a formal separation and get a temporary child custody order pronto.

Your kids need stability, to be in their home.

Your wife is on a different path. She may end up in a stable situation, but do they have to wait for that?


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

how old are your kids? please encourage them to love and remain close to their mom b/c if not they will likely resent you in the end. b/c eventually they will come around and want her is their lives. naturally, they are hurting and devastated, but one day they will regain a relationship with their mom and you don't want to be seen as someone who tried to discourage that b/c of your own feelings towards her. i am not saying this to minimize what she has done/is doing, but to offer a little bit of perspective. i'm not suggesting that you force them to do anything unsafe or prematurely, but just remind them that she loves them and they don't have to choose between the two of you. that is heavy stuff for kids, even teenagers, even if they don't express it. a lot of their "hate" might be hurt feelings and sadness. as far as you are concerned, i feel terribly that you have to endure this. just focus on fixing your own issues and give your wife the time and space she has taken, love on your kids, and take it day by day. i wish you the best.


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## ub69me (Jul 27, 2008)

I do tell the kids that there mom does love her.
all they say is then why dont she call or want to see us.
i just tell them it may take some time for her too do that.
i dont htink she will be coming back to the family.
oh well i have been starting to talk to other people from a group i have been going to and they are very helpfull they have helped me keep going.

thank you to all that have put something of advice to me.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Amplexor said:


> It is tough to save a relationship when one party will not correspond in any fashion. Continue to try and reach her if for nothing else than to have he explain what happened. Failing that, file for divorce for abandonment.


:iagree:

Glad to hear the group is helping you. Make sure to be there for your kids too.

draconis


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

i'm glad you are seeking help as i can only imagine how devastating this has been to you and your children


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