# Backlash Of Leaving + Accusations



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I know I've been posting a lot, lately, and I'm not always sure I post in the right areas... But has anyone ever left, then been accused of or suspected of, bring on drugs or having a severe mental illness due to the anxiety, sleeplessness, worry and just plain physical discomfort after leaving? I've been gone over a week and apparently my behavior (I am not sure what,specifically) is making it difficult for others to deal with me I guess. 

I am sensitive like a 3rd degree burn, but apparently others have doubts about the extent to which I am disturbed... This hurts so much. After all the mind games am I really nuts or should I just be a perfectly balanced person right away? (Tongue-in-cheek but you know what I mean)....

Feeling more alone than ever now....


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## Stressed Eric (Apr 5, 2010)

I left an abusive marriage, and it was a roller coaster. Real high low high feelings type of ride.

She did all she could to drive me to suicide, affair and all. You are NOT abnormal and is is not wrong to feel in emotional turmoil, I know I was, and I know my therapist and doctor stated it was perfectly normal response to events.

Stand tall, smile, but don't be afraid to cry or get angry. Just be kind to yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

People will always demonise you to make themselves feel better.

So you left the marital home? Did you leave children as well? Did you leave other responsibilities untended which will add fuel to the fire that you are mentally unstable. 

This is why we talk about an exite strategy. So not only putting together the material items that you need - a place to stay , money to support you, etc,....... but also how you will explain your departure to others.

Sorry that how you frame, spin something is as important as anything else, but if you stop and think about how much money relief / charity organisations spend on PR alone (as opposed to actually helping people or "clients of the agency" as some of them like to put it, well, maybe it's a lesson on that the rest of us can take.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

You are just grieving mightily, perfectly normal. And the new life is unknown and scary!!! That's reason for all the symptoms. They will fade as you regain your strength and confidence. Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

NextTimeAround - It would seem an exit strategy is best, but after coming here it feels as though "action first, think later" is the policy if you want to prove yourself serious as opposed to an attention seeker.

Is there no gray area? LoL

So I left. I've been gone, except tonight I returned, having run out of places to go. I've been gone over a week and it has been ok. Some nights harder than others.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Stressed Eric said:


> I left an abusive marriage, and it was a roller coaster. Real high low high feelings type of ride.
> 
> She did all she could to drive me to suicide, affair and all. You are NOT abnormal and is is not wrong to feel in emotional turmoil, I know I was, and I know my therapist and doctor stated it was perfectly normal response to events.
> 
> ...


I am still communicating articulately, I believe, but it seems my physical discomfort and restlessness have brought about comparisons to drug addicts/mentally unwell persons that are especially hurtful. This is a sore point for me because I used to do drugs way back when, (was never an addict or had any severe repercussions from casual use)... My anxiety and mannerisms have been exactly the same since I was a child, only I am more aware of "stimming" and other behaviors now.

I have been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, ADD, and have neurological as well as an autoimmune disorder which all combine to create a huge difficulty for me in emotional regulation, especially under stress. I am supremely aware of poor communication tactics such as shaming, subject changing, undermining/trivializing, etc. and I'm preoccupied with making sure conversations go "by the book".

At times I feel like I cannot truly get anyone to understand because I am "policing" their unhealthy communication habits and trying to explain how/why it's unhealthy and how it affects me, rather than just be able to focus on what I need to express.

I am the recipient of a lot of "relax" "you're too sensitive" "get over it" type comments and it hurts. I feel like my feelings are a joke to others, and I feel like others are far too busy dissecting me to look past it into my legitimate needs....

My favorite: "You're over-thinking things."

Yeah, just hold on while I dial down my brain. LoL


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> You are just grieving mightily, perfectly normal. And the new life is unknown and scary!!! That's reason for all the symptoms. They will fade as you regain your strength and confidence. Dude
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for this... I don't feel comfortable without a plan, but I know I can hold my own regardless. It's hard not being able to convey myself in a way which allows me to express feelings without being either accused of 1.) Seeking attention (because I'm not necessarily seeking advice and 2.) Attempting to gain perspective = I must not have my own.

I hope that makes sense... Sometimes I just feel alien and just want someone to listen without undermining my thoughts and processes. People assume if I talk it is for one of two reasons: I'm complaining or seeking a blueprint of some sort...


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