# Tinder is tearing society apart



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Tinder is tearing society apart

By Naomi Schaefer Riley

August 16, 2015 | 6:00am

“Some people still catch feelings in hook-up culture.”

Of all the depressing lines spoken by young adults in the article “Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse’ in the September issue of Vanity Fair, that one takes the cake.

Meredith, a sophomore at Bellarmine University in Louisville, Ky., explains that “It’s not like just blind f—ing for pleasure and it’s done; some people actually like the other person. Sometimes you actually catch feelings, and that’s what sucks.”

To clarify, what sucks is that there is really no room for “feelings” in the current mating culture.
These apps have brought the men’s “game” to a new level.

Conservatives have bemoaned the hook-up culture that exists on college campuses and the after-college bar scene for years now.

But, as Vanity Fair demonstrates, apps like Tinder have brought us to a new low. From college campuses in Indiana to bars in New York City, men and women are using technology to find available partners in the vicinity, for one thing only: sex.

But this is more than a dating apocalypse. This is the marriage apocalypse.

All of this endless swiping is producing men and women who have an infinite choices of sexual partners with no strings attached. This can’t go on long before it has a serious effect on how you view members of the opposite sex. Examining your options seems to be never-ending these days.

In the past few decades, the average age of first marriage has climbed significantly — to all-time highs of almost 30 for men and 27 for women. And the marriage rates have plummeted. There were 31 marriages per 1,000 women in 2014, compared to 1920, when it was 92 per 1,000.

According to Dr. Susan Brown, co-director of the National Center for Marriage and Family Research at Bowling Green University, since 1970 the marriage rate has declined by almost 60%.

What’s doubly depressing is that has affected the poor more than the rich. For college graduates, the rates of marriage have been almost unchanged. But among those with lower incomes, it’s plummeting, which leads to a vicious circle.

Studies repeatedly show that children born out of wedlock have worse life outcomes — with children born to single mothers more than twice as likely to be arrested for a juvenile crime and a third more likely to drop out before completing high school.

But the Tinder Effect could throw the future of marriage at all income levels into chaos.

Reporter Nancy Jo Sales interviews are almost entirely with college students and college grads. They spend hour after hour swiping through people’s pictures and responding to the ones they find attractive.
This is more than a dating apocalypse. This is the marriage apocalypse.

As Alex, an Ivy League grad working at an investment bank explains, “you’re always sort of prowling. You could talk to two or three girls at a bar and pick the best one, or you can swipe a couple hundred people a day — the sample size is so much larger. It’s setting up two or three Tinder dates a week and, chances are, sleeping with all of them, so you could rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.”

(read the rest here)


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

All it does is shortcut what people are doing anyway. Men are as faithful as their options. Women are as faithful as their anger.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It is only revealing what many are made of.

They will reap what they sow. There are still many who won't even use Tinder because they don't want casual hookups.

There will eventually be a crash.

When the whole free love movement came out, it claimed sex without repercussions and drug use to expand your mind. I and my sisters are results of that idiotic mindset. Unhappy results at that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

No it isn't. 

Most wont take part in that disgusting bull$hit. 

It's an option for morally bankrupt pretty people which is a small minority of idiots

Enough with the unwarranted hysteria. 

We will be fine as always


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

Out of all the things damaging society, I don't think consensual casual sex is one of them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

and the ending of the article says ....


> But the culture matters.
> 
> And if a critical mass of women are willing to be used by hook-up culture, because that’s what all the kids are doing these days, it affects everyone’s prospects. Men too are allowed to live in a perpetual adolescence and never find out what it means to put effort into a relationship.


I agree with the article...I feel the excessive casual nature of sex IS and will continue to destroy commitment, therefore stable relationships, Marriage, family.. society..where emotional attachment must be fought - to survive the modern hook up.. when this becomes a habitual lifestyle...is it healthy ? Some feel so... I feel it greatly "cheapens" sex...but I'm just older fashioned that way. 

Love is never free. It always requires sacrifice, commitment, vulnerability, deep sharing and all the beautiful things that go with our pair- bonding nature...but that's the raging debate today.. many will argue we were never meant to be monogamous.. so why fight it... We are all influenced by our culture, our peers.. but to what extent ... 

I never even heard of Tinder until a poster mentioned it here on this forum.. These 2 articles (just pieces of them, one written by a woman, the other a man)...speak to how living such a lifestyle -what is being lost.. 

Let?s talk about hook-up culture | The Chronicle



> There are plenty of perfectly valid reasons to stay entrenched in the comforts of remaining uncommitted. But the fact of the matter is this: I am almost 20 years old, and I have never had a serious relationship. I don’t know how to function in a romantic partnership. I don’t know how to connect—physically, emotionally, mentally—with another person. An arguably fundamental part of being human, the ability to love and be loved, is something I know absolutely nothing about.
> 
> What do you think?
> 
> ...



Another Potential Consequence of Hook-Up Culture*|* 



> Relationships among the youth in America, between girls and boys, are broken. How do I know this? Well, because I am a young man, living in this society, and thinking to myself the other day, I unfortunately realized a sad truth in my life: I simply feel more comfortable, more at ease, more self-confident in bed with a girl than asking a girl out on a date. This is the scary truth that I have been living with for a while, it seems like forever. How could we, as a society, get to this point is a question that I continue to ask myself.
> 
> It is a very scary thought. I, at age 23, have never been in a relationship, I have never connected with a girl on an intimate level. Sex to me, unfortunately, at this point in my life, is not considered an intimate action. This sounds terrible, but it is true. To me "getting intimate" means telling a member of the opposite sex (or same sex) all of your hopes and dreams, your fears and failures. I've never been intimate like this, I've never even been close to being intimate.
> 
> ...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

batsociety said:


> Out of all the things damaging society, I don't think consensual casual sex is one of them.


If it damages monogamous heterosexual relationships then think again. History shows without a shadow of doubt doubt that successful civilizations aren't built on anything else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Ugh, not another hysterical thread.... 

I'm guessing the headlines from the 60's about free love being the harbinger of eminent doom were wrong?
How about the headlines of the 70 bemoaning the androgynous fashions being the end of heterosexuality?
The 80's was the Me generation and how that would spell doom.
The 90's...don't remember was busy raising little ones. Oh then there was the Y2K hysteria!

Try putting these things into perspective. Try actually talking to young people and seeing what THEY think about love, sex and dating.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Ugh, not another hysterical thread....
> 
> I'm guessing the headlines from the 60's about free love being the harbinger of eminent doom were wrong?
> How about the headlines of the 70 bemoaning the androgynous fashions being the end of heterosexuality?
> ...


Well don't group me in the hysterical crowd but without a doubt, disrespecting sex causes pretty significant damage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm not sure Tinder is tearing our society apart (although I did vote yes) as much as it is a commentary on what our society has become. 

And here's what I think of it:

*ICK.*


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Well don't group me in the hysterical crowd but without a doubt, disrespecting sex causes pretty significant damage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not sex that causes this mythical damage, it's the attitudes that surround sex and the shame that comes as a consequence.

People have been "hooking up" since before Woodstock and we still have people getting married. Hell it was happening when I was in college. Some people were okay with hooking up and some people were not. Those who were not felt like they were the only one who weren't doing it, yet the vast majority were also not doing it.

Never heard of coyote ugly? That was the terror of the hook up culture until AIDs hit.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It reminds me of that sunscreen speech....

Wear Sunscreen

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
Until they've faded 
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back
At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked

You are not as fat as you imagine

Don't worry about the future
Or know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday

Do one thing every day that scares you

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees
You'll miss them when they're gone

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken'
On your 75th wedding anniversary

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room

Read the directions even if you don't follow them

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past
And the people most likely to stick with you in the future

Understand that friends come and go
But a precious few, who should hold on

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young

Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard

Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft

Travel

Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander, *you, too, will get old
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders* (and that kids weren't having casual sex)

Respect your elders

Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out

Don't mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
And recycling it for more than it's worth

But trust me on the sunscreen


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Well don't group me in the hysterical crowd but without a doubt, disrespecting sex causes pretty significant damage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree, but I don't think just the act of having casual sex is necessarily disrespecting sex.

As long as it is consensual and people aren't trashing someone else's heart by doing it, I think the casual sex people have is a healthy and good thing. Also, casual does not always mean "devoid of any feeling". It could be people who dearly love each other but who do not want to be in a relationship together having sex. Or many other scenarios where healthy, loving casual sex is had.

When people have lots of sex with total strangers, they are putting their bodies at risk for sure. But even those people, if they don't lie about what they are doing and only keep in the same circles of people who are similar, the risk is somewhat mitigated for those who are not in those circles at least.

Most of the people I knew while coming of age (in the 70's and 80's) and into early adulthood had lots of casual sex and many of them were happy about it, no complaints, no disease, etc. 

The main thing that went wrong was unplanned pregnancies...but as we all know, THAT only takes once. I knew plenty of people who were in that position without having casual sex.

ETA: I don't want this to sound like I think people SHOULD have casual sex. If people are not down for that, they absolutely should NOT participate. And many people are not down for that, even while some are. Most people want to actually know and like someone, I believe. So I'm not advocating that people start having casual sex if they aren't...people should be free to do what they choose, is what I believe. That includes both having casual sex, or being celibate, and everything in between.


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> If it damages monogamous heterosexual relationships then think again. History shows without a shadow of doubt doubt that successful civilizations aren't built on anything else.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think a society where we accept that alternative sexual identities (the polyamorous, the aromatic and asexual etc) exist would do nothing but help monogamous heterosexual relationships. Would the Coping With Infidelity forum would be so active if the pressure on society to marry and have children wasn't quite so harsh? Would some of the folks here be so unhappy with their sex lives if we removed the culture of shame surrounding... Really any breed of sex that doesn't occur within heterosexual marriages? 

Also, I don't know what history books you've been reading, but I can think of a good handful of successful civilizations that functioned with a family model that doesn't fit American Christian's definition of "traditional".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

1. The overwhelming silent majority of decent human beings are not on tinder and don't take part in volumes of casual sex using that app because they don't have any luck with it
2. The silent majority of people on tinder are not very attractive so they are swiped to the no thank you side of tinder
3. Until blind folds are handed out only pretty people with weak morals and/or bad foresight for the future are getting laid and this group is a small minority of idiots 
4. All manner of previous society ending fads that a small group of idiots takes part in never effected society at all 
5. Many dating sites are becoming splintered, looked at badly, are being hacked by vigilantes and are likely on their way out to pasture as they lose market share to something that has not been invented yet

For these reasons, it would be hard to destroy society with tinder but perhaps there is hope. You can always poison the water supply if you really want to have something that is actually valid to discuss about ending society as we know it. 

Yawn. Next ridiculous hysterical claim to debunk please.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

thread the needle said:


> 3. Until blind folds are handed out only pretty people with weak morals and/or bad foresight for the future are getting laid and this group is a small minority of idiots


:x

Tell us how you *really* think!

So are you saying all pretty people also have weak morals and bad foresight and are idiots?

Or just the ones who have casual sex?

How much casual sex must they have before they are labeled idiots with weak morals? Once? Can one mistaken night be forgiven? Twice? Ten times? I need the exact number so I can warn my idiot, pretty, bad foresight having friends.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

batsociety said:


> I think a society where we accept that alternative sexual identities (the polyamorous, the aromatic and asexual etc) exist would do nothing but help monogamous heterosexual relationships. Would the Coping With Infidelity forum would be so active if the pressure on society to marry and have children wasn't quite so harsh? Would some of the folks here be so unhappy with their sex lives if we removed the culture of shame surrounding... Really any breed of sex that doesn't occur within heterosexual marriages?
> 
> Also, I don't know what history books you've been reading, but I can think of a good handful of successful civilizations that functioned with a family model that doesn't fit American Christian's definition of "traditional".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am actually well studied and found it remarkable, years ago, when I discovered that any society that embraced any other alternative to hetero monogamy as equal or superior soon vanished.

Not even bringing Christianity into it. Infidelity can't actually be blamed on societal pressure as cheaters will lie and betray whatever situation they have agreed to abide by. Cheaters are absolutely across the spectrum from hetero monogamy to **** poly.

Your suggestion that monogamy is to blame for infidelity doesn't hold up to scrutiny.

No successful civilization has ever grown with anything other than hetero monogamy as the foundation, ever.

You might be able to find some tribal societies that existed otherwise but nothing advanced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. I don't even know much about Tinder, just normalizing irresponsible behavior. The article would be pretty disturbing if it was a widespread attitude. I actually only have hints at what the hookup culture is right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> No successful civilization has ever grown with anything other than hetero monogamy as the foundation, ever.


But no society, not ours or any other, has even been truly monogamous.

People have always cheated and always will.

How can monogamy be the "foundation" of this society even, if it is a lie anyway? That would be more like the lie of monogamy being the foundation.

If you want to frame it like that...that we pretend we are monogamous but aren't, then sure, I agree we're doing pretty well.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Faithful Wife;13405322I said:


> can warn my idiot, pretty, bad foresight having friends.


idiots and bad foresight havers don't heed warnings so I don't see any point in sweating a number. Now lets all go have some civilization ending sex whatever the phuck it is. If you're picky, BYOB. Bring your own blindfold


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> But no society, not ours or any other, has even been truly monogamous.
> 
> People have always cheated and always will.
> 
> ...


Well it actually isn't a lie to most. Most people don't cheat. I would postulate that if the majority of people started cheating that it would seriously impact, negatively of course, whatever society it was taking place in.

You and I both are successfully monogamous as are most others.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

thread the needle said:


> idiots and bad foresight havers don't heed warnings so I don't see any point in sweating a number. Now lets all go have some civilization ending sex whatever the phuck it is.


Mmmmm.....civilization ending sex....that sounds freaking EPIC!

I'm on it!

(tires peeling out)


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Well it actually isn't a lie to most. Most people don't cheat. I would postulate that if the majority of people started cheating that it would seriously impact, negatively of course, whatever society it was taking place in.
> 
> You and I both are successfully monogamous as are most others.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What portion of the population does it have to be in order for you to consider that monogamy is not the foundation of our current society? You said "the majority"...but even if not the majority, the numbers are pretty high.

I have no clue if this is a reliable source but these numbers look about like what I've seen in other places...

? Infidelity Statistics | Statistic Brain

Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional	41 %

Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had	57 %

Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had	54 %

Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives	22 %

Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives	14 %

Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker	36 %

Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips	35%

Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law	17 %

Average length of an affair	2 years

Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered	31 %

Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught	74 %

Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught	68 %

Percent of children who are the product of infidelity	2.5 %

. . . . . 

As for me, heck yeah, I'm all about monogamy in my current marriage. But this is a deal between him and myself. I haven't always been monogamous and neither has he. That's the thing...people can do what they want, they can change, and we don't always have to be monogamous OR non-monogamous for life. So even though I really love being monogamous personally, I have nothing against those who aren't. More power to them.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> If it damages monogamous heterosexual relationships then think again. *History shows without a shadow of doubt that successful civilizations aren't built on anything else*.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


History actually tells us that the US was built by white men who stole this land from the natives and then killed most of them, and many had slaves who they regularly raped.

I wouldn't call that a foundation of monogamy. More like a foundation of cruelty, entitlement and abuse.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Percent of children who are the product of infidelity2.5 %


Mom always said I was special


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## NWKindaguy (Sep 2, 2011)

Tinder is only revealing what is hiding in character flaw. Maybe we need more to show us who we don't want and let the rest disolve


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