# emotional and verbal abuse



## hanabell0421 (Sep 23, 2009)

It's been going on for 4 years really strong. I told my husband last week I was going to an attorney. He promised me he would change however divorce has been talked about for several years now. He gets violent and just several weeks ago threw a hot cup of coffee and shattered it all over the kitchen. He has these violent outbursts on occasion. I promised myself that I would at least give him one last chance..............AM I A FOOL??? My girls happened to see the cofee incident amoung others throwing of items across the kitchen before. Am I a fool for staying????


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## Joker101 (Sep 23, 2009)

I can say that emotional abuse stays with you a long long time. Whether it was a parent or a spouse. Your children should Not Witness this. If he won't get some Anger Management help, then you should take your girls out of this situation. That may snap him out of it.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Take your girls out of this situation until he finishes anger management or your divorce is finalized, whichever comes first. YOUR DAUGHTERS WILL BELIEVE ABUSE IS NORMAL IN MARRIAGE! They will be easy targets for abusers; is that what you want for them? Get counseling for yourself, too, and figure out why you have stayed this long. IF he can change, great; but do not give him another chance; make your position clear and go. Tell him the clock is running if he had any hope of keeping the marriage intact.


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## optimistvik (Aug 4, 2009)

Verbal abuse once became a habit then it will be very difficult to control it. i feel it is best that you go out with your daughters till you sort this out. kids can get easily diverted if they are exposed to such problem among their parents.


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## mea_3 (Sep 13, 2009)

Joker101 said:


> I can say that emotional abuse stays with you a long long time. Whether it was a parent or a spouse. Your children should Not Witness this. If he won't get some Anger Management help, then you should take your girls out of this situation. That may snap him out of it.



Yes. To all you said you are so right. 

Now, if he can take an anger managment class and correct this behavior then you will be on the right road to recovery. If not.. then do get out. In my case, I had to get out. For, he was beyond help. I feel for you.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Your daughters deserve to grow up in a better situation than the one you are placing them in. Not only will they grow up to think abuse in a relationship is acceptable, they will grow up to view you as weak. It is YOUR job to protect them from the uglies of the world, at least until they have grown to the point that they can make those decisions for themselves. Right now, you are putting them in the position where they either live in fear of their father, feel the need to protect you, or internalize the pain and abuse they are witnessing and will either turn to activities to make them feel better (early sexual encounters, drug abuse, cutting or other forms of self abuse) or they will lose all respect for you and treat you in much the same way they see their father treat you. 
He is not likely to get help because he has nothing to lose at this point by staying the way he is. IMO he needs to move out, maybe then he will realize the affect his cowardly behavior has on the women in his life, and he will see the need to change.


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

I would say you gave him a chance..and agree with everyone else, if he won't seek therapy for his anger problem it will always
continue and one time someone might get hurt either intentionally or accidently either way your kids are going to grow up resenting both of you for this. Him for doing it, you for letting him...This must stop!


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

Think about leaving, really think about it.

I mean for you to debate the concept for yourself about "Leaving" not actually consider leaving.

Leaving is a complicated mess.

Emotional outbursts, even violent outbursts directed at inanimate objects can give a person pause, to think.

Are they going to direct violence towards "me", if the answer is yes, then get_out_faster_than_you_can_run.

On the other hand, if the violence is directed at walls, coffee pots, doors, pencils etc., then you really have to think about what is the core problem.

Something is eating away at him, whatever that is. I believe there are two kinds of men when dealing with violence, those than can hurt other people and those that can't. It is just not in him to hurt you or the kids.

Consider carefully what your next step is, try and work out all the logistics and details of leaving and what is next.

Be careful your choice, daughters without a strong father figure become at risk girls.

I see it everyday at my daughter's school, they are clingy, they dress provocatively, they go from boy to boy looking for their father's approval and love.

Find the root cause of his outbursts, get him to talk, you know it will not be easy, men don't share well, they feel they have to be strong. Get him to talk about his emotions.

Good luck


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