# Haven’t had sex in over a week



## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Now i know I’m probably going to get slammed because a week isn’t long and i understand people go months and years with out . But me and my wife usually have sex 3-7 times a week we both have a high sex drive . I don’t think it’s the fact that we not having sex i just don’t like to rejected. She was on her period a little over a week ago usually her periods last a couple days so if she comes on . On a Monday we are having sex by Wednesday. But i don’t know like the other night i was kissing her and she’s like i hope you don’t want sex tonight because i don’t want to. And i respect her , her wishes and her body but it’s just kind of new to me and it’s kind of annoying how should i deal with it? Should i ask her is everything ok? I am insecure about myself maybe that is playing a part but any advice ?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Do not play that game where you beg and plead for a sex, it lowers your value tremendously. And paints you in a bad light. Get a hobby go to the gym. Go to a few basketball games go to the bar play pool. Sports bar watch a game. Or if all else fails hammer one out dude.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

The reason I say what l did is don't depend on your wife for your happiness, that's on you and egad man. If you can't live a week or two with out you need to get real. She's not a machine with a hole. Dude she's flesh and blood, is that all she is to you? If so you need some IC on sex addiction.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*

OMG!! 

Over a week?? How can you stand it? 



I know, you are serious and it's an issue for you. It's been just a little longer for me. Like 8+ years longer. Sucks, but I'm alive and well. 

Hope you get whatever is wrong figured out. It's better to figure it out early.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Tilted 1 said:


> Do not play that game where you beg and plead for a sex, it lowers your value tremendously. And paints you in a bad light. Get a hobby go to the gym. Go to a few basketball games go to the bar play pool. Sports bar watch a game. Or if all else fails hammer one out dude.



I actually do think i have a addiction to sex I’m going to therapist about it later this month


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> OMG!!
> 
> Over a week?? How can you stand it?
> 
> ...


May i ask why do long


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



James01 said:


> I actually do think i have a addiction to sex I’m going to therapist about it later this month


Honestly , that is good to hear.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



James01 said:


> I actually do think i have a addiction to sex I’m going to therapist about it later this month


Well a lot of psychiatrists say there is no such thing. Maybe you just want lots of sex, but honestly you wont die after a week. 
IF you are worried then ask your wife.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Tilted 1 said:


> Honestly , that is good to hear.


I can be very tense after a few days, it took me a long time to realise sex was the cure. 

That said, I suspect it is like thinking your headache comes from not enough asprin. Perhaps you are tense normally for other reasons and depend on the sex to relax.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Have you discussed this with your wife? What did she say?

A sudden change in libido could be an indicator of something serious - a health condition, depression, an affair, or some latent hostility towards you. Or it could be no big deal. If you were having sex every day or two and it has suddenly gone to a week, I think you should engage her in a a gentle, loving conversation to see if everything is OK with her.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



James01 said:


> Now i know I’m probably going to get slammed because a week isn’t long and i understand people go months and years with out . But me and my wife usually have sex 3-7 times a week we both have a high sex drive . I don’t think it’s the fact that we not having sex i just don’t like to rejected. She was on her period a little over a week ago usually her periods last a couple days so if she comes on . On a Monday we are having sex by Wednesday. But i don’t know like the other night i was kissing her and she’s like i hope you don’t want sex tonight because i don’t want to. And i respect her , her wishes and her body but it’s just kind of new to me and it’s kind of annoying how should i deal with it? Should i ask her is everything ok? I am insecure about myself maybe that is playing a part but any advice ?


How often is she having sex with her boyfriend and is she still videoing it for you? 
Maybe she’s developed feelings for him and feels it would be cheating to be having sex with you.
Have you stopped cheating on her and gotten a job yet?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@FalCod @Diana7 @Mr The Other @James01 @Tilted 1 @2ntnuf please check out this guy’s history before giving him any advice.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Andy1001 said:


> @FalCod @Diana7 @Mr The Other @James01 @Tilted 1 @2ntnuf please check out this guy’s history before giving him any advice.


Blimey.

Yes, time for him to tackle his many internal issues before being ready for a relationship.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



James01 said:


> May i ask why do long


Crushed by my own love for a woman who did not love me. 

Physical health issues.

Mental health issues. 

The mental health issues were in direct relation to the marriage and subsequent divorce and my own issues. 

Oddly enough, my ex wondered why it has been so long when I talked with her. She had no clue what it means to feel as if someone is a part of you and then treats you like you are an after-thought. She was literally proud of her actions. Yet, she asked forgiveness. I tell you that so you can understand how different we were, and I did not know. She had me deeply fooled and deeply in love with her. 

What is @Andy1001 trying to tell me @James01?

Edit: Don't let my post push you away. I read your opening post in the other thread. You need to take action, now. Go see a therapist. I think you have some self-esteem issues. The sex stuff may be a result of that and repressed natural attractions you can't help. 

Don't feel like you are odd or weird. You have other issues and I would say, as long as you are both agreeing to these things of your own free will, then it's just a matter of no one getting hurt. 

Yep, see that therapist and my intuition says you are going to end up much happier, both you and your wife. 

That guy loves your wife and is acting like an AP. He wants to take her from you, but she cares about you. Does she love you? Not sure if it is Eros, but I think she at least feels brotherly love.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



James01 said:


> Now i know I’m probably going to get slammed because a week isn’t long and i understand people go months and years with out . But me and my wife usually have sex 3-7 times a week we both have a high sex drive . I don’t think it’s the fact that we not having sex i just don’t like to rejected. She was on her period a little over a week ago usually her periods last a couple days so if she comes on . On a Monday we are having sex by Wednesday. But i don’t know like the other night i was kissing her and she’s like i hope you don’t want sex tonight because i don’t want to. And i respect her , her wishes and her body but it’s just kind of new to me and it’s kind of annoying how should i deal with it? Should i ask her is everything ok? I am insecure about myself maybe that is playing a part but any advice ?


How about you start by recognizing that it's not her job to manage your desires or your reactions to them?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



James01 said:


> Now i know I’m probably going to get slammed because a week isn’t long and i understand people go months and years with out . But me and my wife usually have sex 3-7 times a week we both have a high sex drive . I don’t think it’s the fact that we not having sex i just don’t like to rejected. She was on her period a little over a week ago usually her periods last a couple days so if she comes on . On a Monday we are having sex by Wednesday. But i don’t know like the other night i was kissing her and she’s like i hope you don’t want sex tonight because i don’t want to. And i respect her , her wishes and her body but it’s just kind of new to me and it’s kind of annoying how should i deal with it? Should i ask her is everything ok? I am insecure about myself maybe that is playing a part but any advice ?


Just do what you have done before. Cheat!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

@James01,

Let us know what is going on. Don't forget you are going to get folks of all different opinions commenting. Keep a stiff upper lip or in other words, hang in there. I'd like to know what you find out from the therapist and how you are doing. 

Remember, opinions are like noses. Everyone has one. Some have more than one. lol


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> James01 said:
> 
> 
> > Now i know I’m probably going to get slammed because a week isn’t long and i understand people go months and years with out . But me and my wife usually have sex 3-7 times a week we both have a high sex drive . I don’t think it’s the fact that we not having sex i just don’t like to rejected. She was on her period a little over a week ago usually her periods last a couple days so if she comes on . On a Monday we are having sex by Wednesday. But i don’t know like the other night i was kissing her and she’s like i hope you don’t want sex tonight because i don’t want to. And i respect her , her wishes and her body but it’s just kind of new to me and it’s kind of annoying how should i deal with it? Should i ask her is everything ok? I am insecure about myself maybe that is playing a part but any advice ?
> ...



She never had a “ boyfriend “ and since you are Familiar with other post about us being in open marriage you should know she only does that if i ask out of the 4 times she’s done it she never has asked it was me who asked but to give u a update she decided she didn’t want to do that any more and he also lives 600 miles away so yea


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*

My advice would be:

1. Ask her 
2. Stop cheating
3. Stop asking her to have sex with other men.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Bibi1031 said:


> James01 said:
> 
> 
> > Now i know I’m probably going to get slammed because a week isn’t long and i understand people go months and years with out . But me and my wife usually have sex 3-7 times a week we both have a high sex drive . I don’t think it’s the fact that we not having sex i just don’t like to rejected. She was on her period a little over a week ago usually her periods last a couple days so if she comes on . On a Monday we are having sex by Wednesday. But i don’t know like the other night i was kissing her and she’s like i hope you don’t want sex tonight because i don’t want to. And i respect her , her wishes and her body but it’s just kind of new to me and it’s kind of annoying how should i deal with it? Should i ask her is everything ok? I am insecure about myself maybe that is playing a part but any advice ?
> ...



No we are in better place now


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Spicy said:


> My advice would be:
> 
> 1. Ask her
> 2. Stop cheating
> 3. Stop asking her to have sex with other men.



Ok thanks


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Everyone has different opinions about this. I hate to be rejected, and frankly I think it’s not only mean but it shouldn’t be done except for some circumstances. My boyfriend however and many men I talk to think I’m crazy and it’s totally fins to reject someone and it’s not their job to please you and I’m a brat and blah blah. There is nothing they can do that will change my view, and there is nothing I can do that will change their view.

Rejection hurts some people more than others. It hurts me and makes me feel so bad. My boyfriend doesn’t understand, he thinks Rejection is a part of life and I should get over it. 

You can’t help the way you feel. All you can do is mentally talk yourself down and try not to make it personal.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Tilted 1 said:


> Honestly , that is good to hear.


Yeah, but don't jump to that conclusion too quickly. 

Just a warning.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> My boyfriend however and many men I talk to think I’m crazy and it’s totally fins to reject someone and it’s not their job to please you and I’m a brat and blah blah. There is nothing they can do that will change my view, and there is nothing I can do that will change their view./QUOTE]
> 
> 
> Obviously this cuts both ways. But when you’re conditioned such that you can get sex anytime you want from just about any guy (or your spouse) and then all of a sudden they say no it’s like a computer crashing and a huge ego blow. “What!?! Guys are supposed to want sex 24/7!?! What’s wrong with me?”
> ...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Girl_power said:


> Everyone has different opinions about this. I hate to be rejected, and frankly I think it’s not only mean but it shouldn’t be done except for some circumstances. My boyfriend however and many men I talk to think I’m crazy and it’s totally fins to reject someone and it’s not their job to please you and I’m a brat and blah blah. There is nothing they can do that will change my view, and there is nothing I can do that will change their view.
> 
> Rejection hurts some people more than others. It hurts me and makes me feel so bad. My boyfriend doesn’t understand, he thinks Rejection is a part of life and I should get over it.
> 
> You can’t help the way you feel. All you can do is mentally talk yourself down and try not to make it personal.


OP,

There will be other signs if something untoward is afoot.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*

*This is something that an individual counselor(IC) can better help you with than by general consensus!

Lots of us haven't had sex in years due to being single and divorced and would likely not fully understand your dilemma!

Schedule your appointment post haste!*


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

aaarghdub said:


> Girl_power said:
> 
> 
> > My boyfriend however and many men I talk to think I’m crazy and it’s totally fins to reject someone and it’s not their job to please you and I’m a brat and blah blah. There is nothing they can do that will change my view, and there is nothing I can do that will change their view./QUOTE]
> ...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I lost track of who you were. Have you and your lady been in counseling? 

I believe she could definitely be having some repercussions from the psychological and emotional damage inflicted by your guys' behavior.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Yeah, but don't jump to that conclusion too quickly.
> 
> Just a warning.


You are correct, Ragnar, this is before l read his history and how he ask for and got more than he asked for.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Spicy said:


> My advice would be:
> 
> 1. Ask her
> 2. Stop cheating
> 3. Stop asking her to have sex with other men.


Uh. Ya.

Ditto.

Wow.

Out.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Well a lot of psychiatrists say there is no such thing. Maybe you just want lots of sex, but honestly you wont die after a week.
> IF you are worried then ask your wife.


That's not what sexual addiction is about.
Here is an explanation of addiction from the American Psychiatric Association: 
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/addiction/what-is-addiction

This explanation is about drugs, but the same thing can be applied to behaviors like gambling or sex. Intake of chemicals is not the only thing that can cause brain changes. If you read about porn addiction, one of the factors is changes in the brain.

Here is a description of sexual addiction:
"The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” In other words, a sex addict will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite facing potential health risks, financial problems, shattered relationships or even arrest." From here: https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-sexual-addiction/


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*

Without knowing much about your situation - and based on comments in this thread there appears to be a lot to unpack - you need to understand that sex is almost never a primary root cause issue in relationships. Intimacy is an outcome based on your relationship dynamic. Granted there can and will be issues with sex based solely on biochemistry and other physical issues; however, this is not a common issue when we're talking about a couple in their 40s or younger. 

Most likely, either your relationship is lacking in something or there is some other external stress that is affecting your wife. My guess is that she is feeling more like an object that is only meant for your pleasure.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Cynthia said:


> That's not what sexual addiction is about.
> Here is an explanation of addiction from the American Psychiatric Association:
> https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/addiction/what-is-addiction
> 
> ...


https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/wnd4wy/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-sex-addiction


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Diana7 said:


> Well a lot of psychiatrists say there is no such thing. Maybe you just want lots of sex, but honestly you wont die after a week.
> IF you are worried then ask your wife.





Diana7 said:


> https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/wnd4wy/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-sex-addiction


I was responding to your above comment equating wanting a lot of sex with sexual addiction. Sexual addiction is not about wanting a lot of sex. It is about acting out inappropriately and it causing harm to relationships and other aspects of life. Whether or not you believe in sexual addiction, there are many experts who do and there is actual definition.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Cynthia said:


> That's not what sexual addiction is about.
> Here is an explanation of addiction from the American Psychiatric Association:
> https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/addiction/what-is-addiction
> 
> ...


Agree. There are some books on codependency that his wife should read. In particular, I agree with what @Diana7 said, "Maybe you just want lots of sex, but honestly you wont die after a week.". 

His actions do seem to touch on addiction since it is a detriment to his marriage and a danger to his and her reputations, it would seem. These things are more about the high from the danger of it all and the thoughts that society wouldn't like it. Even getting caught is a high. Personally, I think it is the onset of an addiction, but I'm not qualified to determine these things, so take it all with a grain of salt. 

Abstinence from sex for a short period of time is good for a couple. Then, the two should come together as one. 

It seems to me, he is interested in the cuckolding experience, but is too shy to participate. While I don't think that is a mental problem, I don't really know. I'm guessing few in the consideration of the whole world are into that, by percentage. 

He may even have some homosexual tendencies and need help to bring those out. He may have some issues leftover from being controlled as a child and made to feel inferior by his mother or some female figure that was important to him. 

It may all be fine, but unless he gets into counseling, I don't think he will find out. 

And, weirdly enough, it may all be okay. We don't really know what his wife thinks of all of this. We only know what he says, she says. It's time for some counselling to figure it out and then feel better knowing you can make decisions and trust yourself, @James01.


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## ad4517 (Aug 17, 2019)

we have gone longer then a week. its not that big of deal. we work opposite shifts. the last time we had time together she was quite sick with a nasty stomach bug. its not that big of a deal because i know tonight its game time LOL


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Diana7 said:


> Well a lot of psychiatrists say there is no such thing. Maybe you just want lots of sex, but honestly you wont die after a week.
> IF you are worried then ask your wife.


You know I only signed into this thread to read the "but did you die?" response. Thanks for ticking that box.

As far as posting something helpful myself, I think it's important to say that a significant disruption in the routine should be examined. When we went from 1-2 x per week to nothing in 45 days it was similar to this report. Sure there was no eminent physical death, but dissolution of marriage was a possibility. It's just not a good sign. But a week is pretty easy to explain. Hearing my wife say that she didn't "notice" 45 days was a bit hard to swallow. But it did let me know where I stood in her priority list. 

There will be disruptions in the sex frequency. it should be a priority for instant communication. If you don't notice, you probably aren't "in" the relationship.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

My first thought is she is having psychological effects from an open marriage. Maybe she can’t fake it anymore with you.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

maree said:


> My first thought is she is having psychological effects from an open marriage. Maybe she can’t fake it anymore with you.


What is it w the open M thing lately? I feel is all over place like almost being shoved down our throats.... To each their own, but dam don't need the daily dose of it on articles everywhere


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

You can't heal intimacy with abstinence


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



James01 said:


> I actually do think i have a addiction to sex I’m going to therapist about it later this month


An addiction? Really?? How did you determine that from that low number You say you have per week. Unless if you are in your mid to late 60s. 

Do you just want to g and chat about sex to a listening person who charges you to listen?

There are people who are in prisons for long periods. It might be interesting to find how they cope.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

*Re: Haven’t had sex in over a week*



Plan 9 from OS said:


> Without knowing much about your situation - and based on comments in this thread there appears to be a lot to unpack - you need to understand that sex is almost never a primary root cause issue in relationships. Intimacy is an outcome based on your relationship dynamic. Granted there can and will be issues with sex based solely on biochemistry and other physical issues; however, this is not a common issue when we're talking about a couple in their 40s or younger.
> 
> Most likely, either your relationship is lacking in something or there is some other external stress that is affecting your wife. *My guess is that she is feeling more like an object that is only meant for your pleasure*.


I'd disagree without more info. This isn't automatic.


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