# Email Received - What do You Think?



## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

My older daughters blasted their father yesterday called him all kinds of names and basically told them they were done with him. Wish I had the strength. Originally I was upset because he has done this to his children and I hate when my children hurt.
this morning for some reason i feel sad for him as his children (when he is in his right mind) mean the world to him.

Anyway he sent me an email this morning saying how sorry he was that he is doing this to his children. He is hoping counselling (I don't even think he is going) will help him understand why he does what he does. He asked if I would be patient and he was sorry.

No mention of OW being out of the picture, jus that he was sorry. He probably is sorry but I think the OW is like a drug to him, just like the addicts and he isn't a strong enough person to reject the high.

How do you get them to withdraw from OW? Since we don't know who she is, we can't expose who my husband is to her and burst her bubble.

Why am I feeling sorry for this man after what he has done to me? I still am going forward with a seperation not sure if I want to go divorce route yet. I have a meeting with a lawyer tommorow to discuss.

Have you all heard the I'm sorry story before or does it actually mean he is sorry but doesn't know how to fix what he has done?


----------



## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

I would compare your husband's apology to when I was younger and experimenting with Meth. I knew it was wrong, and it would kill my parents if they found out, but after the first high, I couldn't help but to go back for more. My father brought home dinner one night, and I had a line a few minutes before and the drug wanted me to have nothing to do with food. I felt so incredibly sorry for my father, that at that very moment, I decided to never do it again. 

I think your husband is sorry, but he's addicted to the high that he gets from the OM. It's like a drug, an addicting one. His words mean nothing, but his actions would if he'd just let her go...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

That version of I'm sorry sounds to me like it's just enough to keep the door open with you. He can sense that you still feel sorry for him and he keeps using that. Just one man's opinion though, nothing more.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your kids' email to him definitely lifted some of the fog off La-La Land. Know that. 



Clinging said:


> He asked if I would be patient and he was sorry


*Don't* write him back yet. Let him stew and let this marinate for him (what he's done).

When you are ready, you can write him back saying "I am glad to hear you are getting counselling for yourself. I know we can both be great co-parents to our kids and am committed to that fully."

THAT'S IT. Because he is basically asking you to stick around while he decides if he wants you. Uh uh. No way. 



Clinging said:


> How do you get them to withdraw from OW? ?


You don't. He has to do that on his own. but in the cases I've seen, the only thing that seems to lift the fog straight up is when the BS takes a hard stance saying "Oh, you have an OW/OM? I hope it works out for you. Waiting around doesn't work for me. Good luck."


----------



## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

I wish more grown-up kids took a stand against their cheating parents. It seems that this really does the trick in bringing them back down to earth from their fantasy land.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

ahhhmaaaan! said:


> I wish more grown-up kids took a stand against their cheating parents. It seems that this really does the trick in bringing them back down to earth from their fantasy land.


Ditto! See how exposure to the right people works?

Let me translate your husband's e-mail....."I'm sorry I got caught and no one is taking the news well. I'm sorry I can't stay married AND keep the OW." 

Stay strong!


----------

