# How to expose Wife of 18 and three kids who filed



## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Ok I've read the newbie posts and it seems that exposure is the most common advice but I am wondering if my situation may require a different approach. We have three daughters 6, 12, and 16. Back in February after a fight my wife told me she wanted a divorce. July 10th she finally filed. After finding pictures on OMs Facebook page I've put a lot together. I think she started EA last year and then August 3rd met the guy in Denver since he lives half way across the country. 

For the past 7 months she has blamed the divorce on me 100%. Telling me I was controlling, emotionally abusive, oppressive, a liar etc. I believed it all. She tore me down totally. Finding this out today actually feels good and I don't feel like such a POS. not saying I'm easy to live with but the emotionally abusive stuff really hurt because I know I wasn't. 

So she's still on the way out of the marriage and up til today I wanted to fix it. I still do but now have questions if it is too late or if I'm just desperate. She doesn't know that I know yet and I'm very concerned about exposing my children to the exposure. Im not sure how to protect them. Up til this their mom has been almost perfect . If i just post on facebook they will be crushed and probably mad and embarrassed. They are girls at a ver impressionable age. 

I need your advice on how to do this.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

A few thoughts.

It's not your "fault" she cheated. She could have done it the honest way, and ended the marriage and then go and met some other guy.

But you are not completely blameless in the demise of the marriage and her leaving, and just because you found out she had an affair does not necessarily mean that her claims that you were emotionally abusive, controlling, oppressive, a liar, etc, are not true.

If you want to fix what's broken you first need to figure out what part you had in the breakdown of the marriage.

Fix what's wrong with you.

Mounting an assault on her via FB or any other means to blow up the affair isn't going to bring her running back into your arms if the same problems still exist.

I'm not big on the whole exposure thing, I'm more inclined to advise a person to work on themselves and let their spouse go if that's what they want, but there's always the possibility that she'll want back in at some later date at which point it will be up to you if you're going to forgive and forget.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

I agree in fixing myself. I have been focused in that for the last 7 months in therapy and with good friends who know my shortcomings. 

So if i read your reply correctly you are saying I should let her go if that is what she wants and not mention anything about the affair?

That's a hard pill to swallow


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry that you are going through this. I know it's hard.

I think you are missing the reasons for exposing. Putting it on facebook is not a good idea. All those people on facebook really do not care about an affair. You and she will just be juicy gossip.

The purpose of exposing an affair is to break it up and to get your spouse out of the affair and to lift to affair fog as quickly as possible. It is also to enlist those close to the both of you to help encourage her to give up the affair, return to the marriage and work on recovery.

The best people to expose to are her parents and siblings. If she is close to your family expose to your family as well. Show them your proof and ask for their help.

If the OM (other man) is married or has a girlfriend, contact her and also provide her with the proof you have. If you do this, he will be putting so much energy into saving his relationship that he will most likely drop her.

As for your children, sit them down and tell them that their mother is having an affair. That she is trying to blame you 100% of the failure of the marriage, but marital problems is usually shared 50/50. But your wife alone has 100% blame for choosing to have an affair. Just put it very simply, do not say bad things about their mom. Have some proof to show them if they ask. Show them a picture of the OM if you have one. Let them know that this man has been very instrumental in destroying their family. Tell them that you have let their grandparents know, the OM’s wife, etc. Also tell them that their mom will probably be angry that you exposed the affair, but you had to in an effort to try to save the family. 

Let your children know that you do not want the divorce. This has to be all age appropriate.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ISUOFIA said:


> I agree in fixing myself. I have been focused in that for the last 7 months in therapy and with good friends who know my shortcomings.
> 
> So if i read your reply correctly you are saying I should let her go if that is what she wants and not mention anything about the affair?
> 
> That's a hard pill to swallow


Get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. He talks about the things you can do to try recover your marriage. Among them is exposing the affair. He explains why this is necessary. 

And keep in mind that exposing the affair is not to humiliate her, embarrass her or hurt her. IT's to end the affair.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> Ok I've read the newbie posts and it seems that exposure is the most common advice but I am wondering if my situation may require a different approach. We have three daughters 6, 12, and 16. Back in February after a fight my wife told me she wanted a divorce. July 10th she finally filed. After finding pictures on OMs Facebook page I've put a lot together. I think she started EA last year and then August 3rd met the guy in Denver since he lives half way across the country.
> 
> For the past 7 months she has blamed the divorce on me 100%. Telling me I was controlling, emotionally abusive, oppressive, a liar etc. I believed it all. She tore me down totally. Finding this out today actually feels good and I don't feel like such a POS. not saying I'm easy to live with but the emotionally abusive stuff really hurt because I know I wasn't.
> 
> ...


Exposure is important in ending an affair, not as effective in getting your wife to come back. I am not sure you are ready for exposure yet. When you do it, don't do it publicly so your daughters will see it, do it via brief personal phone calls to family members.

What evidence do you have that your wife has been cheating? What was the content of the messages? I love yous? Plans to be together? Sex talk? Pics? Any messages alluding to a physical affair?

If you don't have evidence, your wife will deny and say she only was friends with this guy and did not cheat on you with him.

If you expose the affair, do you think your wife will come back to you? Exposure may be the best thing for you, it may help set the record straight with family members so they don't think you are the terrible monster previously portrayed, but it may not result in saving your marriage.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Thanks. That feels a lot better. Of course the OM is not married and 4 years younger so he is all [email protected]&k and balls. 

She has broken off relations to her parents but is close to her uncle and grandmother. Ugh. The thought of getting such good people involved is awful. She has been telling me all along she wants to tak e the high road in this divorce versus throwing each other under the bus. Isn't this going to fuel her fire that I would do that?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ISUOFIA said:


> Thanks. That feels a lot better. Of course the OM is not married and 4 years younger so he is all [email protected]&k and balls.
> 
> She has broken off relations to her parents but is close to her uncle and grandmother. Ugh. The thought of getting such good people involved is awful. She has been telling me all along she wants to tak e the high road in this divorce versus throwing each other under the bus. Isn't this going to fuel her fire that I would do that?


Is she still involved with the OM?

How did they meet?

Of course she will get upset if you tell her grandmother and uncle. That's what you want. You want her upset. You want to make having an affair very uncomfortable to her.

She wants to take the high road? Is having an affair taking the high road?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> Thanks. That feels a lot better. Of course the OM is not married and 4 years younger so he is all [email protected]&k and balls.
> 
> She has broken off relations to her parents but is close to her uncle and grandmother. Ugh. The thought of getting such good people involved is awful. *She has been telling me all along she wants to tak e the high road in this divorce versus throwing each other under the bus. Isn't this going to fuel her fire that I would do that?*




maybe so..........but it sounds to me that she is saying this to prevent you from something like exposure to people who are close. That's what she fears, the loss of face to the uncle and gm.

Your call but if she wants D anyway...I would expose.

As Ele girl said, having an affair is not high road, is it?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

When did the affair start? Could she have met him after she filed for divorce? Can you get access to her mails?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Where were you 7 months ago, the game plan could have been alot different. Now that she has the draw on you, you might have to swallow that pile........But I suggest you can get some leverage.

When it come to divorce, no matter how hard the both of you try it will get ughly. So with that said hold this cheating card close and wait....pull it when you find your self in a corner.

Most likely she will start to bad mouth you..hell it sound like she has already started and you might be best served by telling her that she needs to watch her tounge before this D goes side ways.

Again hold this cheating card and threat of exposing the affair when you need the leverage for something like more custody or less alimony.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

First of all save everything you have found as evidence.

You mentioned FB pictures on the OM`s account.

Download them and save them because you can bet your ass they`ll disappear the moment you raise the subject.
Do the same with any other evidence you have.

I`m assuming since he`s posting damning FB pictures he`s single and that`s too bad as exposing to his wife might actually get you somewhere in the divorce if you wanted to R


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> Up til this their mom has been almost perfect


No. She cheated on you and she cheated on her children. Time spent with or on her lover means time not spent on children or husband.

Did she project an image of perfection?

Is this her first affair or the first you are aware of?

Would std tests be required?


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

ISUOFIA said:


> She has been telling me all along she wants to tak e the high road in this divorce versus throwing each other under the bus.


Of course she didn't have a problem having the affair and f**king your brains with blameshifting all the meantime. So much for the high road.

You owe her nothing.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Yeah she is still Facebook flirting with the guy. I'm not sure how long ago they met but I know that she bought a plane ticket prior to filing and then shortly after filing she went to book up with hi

So if I do expose her do I confront her first or tell others and let them confrot her? 

The hard part is if I wait to use this as a trump card in the divorce proceedings that's all it will be. If i make it public now it may make her end the affair and she may want to R or it may not help the marriage at all and I've used my trump card for nothing. 

I have copied all the pictures and plan on sending them to lawyer today
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

ISUOFIA

I know how upsetting this is.

But in my opinion your wife did not take the high road and the truth needs to come out.

Again, this is to end the A. Your wife will most likely D you. She may or may not regret it later but that is entirely up to you believe it or not.

If you own issues in the marriage which it sounds liek you do own up to them when you expose her A. Butmake it clear that the A and her having a relationship while married to you is inacceptable.

And yes she is going to get angry. Tough.

Get all your evidence together.
Expose to family and friends at the same time if possible.
Expose the OM at the same time to his family if possible. Let them know he is interefering in your M.

And do not engage your wife until she calms down. 

This only the 1st step.

Most WS's think everything will be great when they have someone waiting in the wings. Because they are in the LaLa Land of the A they forget about the feelings of the kids.

SO be careful. But expose. Get your evidence first.

HM64


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

1st step? What are the others?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Is your state a "no fault" state? Most are and I would skip sending them to the lawyer, if it is. Call the grand parent and uncle, then expose to the wife. DO NOT tell her how you know, just that you do. Read up on the 180 and start it ASAP! Once divorce is certain, it is no longer personal, but business and every advantage you have is always good. The point of exposure is to wake her the fock up! She is living in candy land, where everyone rides unicorns and she has found her "soul mate". What she has blamed on you is right out of the script! Read a few threads and you will see the pattern that ALL cheaters use! 

I'm assuming your finances are separated already, if not do it immediately. Are you living in the family home? Are you giving her any kind of child support?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> 1st step? What are the others?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Read and follow the 180 plan, and get Married Man Sex Life (Not a sex guide) Read it, live it!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> 1st step? What are the others?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Protecting your children. Do you know anything about this POSOM??? Is their relationship serious with I luv you's. Making plans for the future.

Custody and Visitation.

Splitting of Assets.

Watching your Wayward Wife knowing what a liar she really is. That brings a whole new element to your relationship going forward.

The key is that no matter what happens you make yourself a better person from this experience. If you had flaws that damaged the M then you fix them.

So you will be a better man going forward in life.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Evidence of the affair will not help you in the divorce as you most probably live in a no-fault state.

The evidence of affair can only help you get her to R if you expose and at this point there`s not a lot of chance of that either but a small shot depending on her the OM and how exposure will effect their relationship.

What do you know about the OM?
Find out everything you can.
You say you have access to his FB profile, that`s a great place to start.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Can you find more evidence? Do you had concrete evidence already? How long has this been going on? 

You need the answers to these so she cannot worm out. She obviously had contact going before telling you she was going to divorce as she bought he plane ticket before informing you. Divorce was probably her way of making it so that she remains innocent in that she 'hasnt technically cheated if she 'dumped' you first' but that is rubbish. She had been having innappropriate contact with a man while being your wife. Get more evidence.

Retrieve Facebook messages. Retrieve emails. You can do this from the server I believe, and Facebook send an email notification with every email. Look on the thread 'could it get worse than this?' He retrieved all emails over the previous 1 1/2 - 2 years. 

Definitely have concrete, unequivocal evidence before you expose. Sooner rather than later. Expose and bring reality to your 'perfect' wife. If what she is doing is not wrong, she wouldn't be hiding it. If it was not wrong, she will be happy for family and close friends to know. If she is not happy, she won't be, she shouldn't be doing it, shouldn't have done it.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Oh, and she is divorcing you anyway so if she still divorces you, you lose nothing. Exposure soon will bring her back to earth with a thump. At best it will give her food for thought. At worst? You already have that.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I disagree in sharing any information about the affair with the children unless it's as a last resort. And with taking this to FB.

I think the kids should know it takes two people to make a marriage work and you both have contributed (so as to not place blame) but there is no need to make the kids take sides or change their feelings toward either parent.

Now, if she does start telling the kids things about you, I would address that with them and reiterate that you are both at fault and that you would like to change the things about you that contributed to the downfall of the relationship and that Mom has to do the same for it to work. But dragging them into it isn't fair. They didn't cheat, they weren't controlling, etc. But they will join in the suffering of a divorce and the best thing for the kids is a joint approach along the lines of "Mom and Dad have some problems and we would like to work them out but that is no guarantee we will. But we both still love you and we will try to do what is best for you three always". No more questions should be answered. To the kids the details don't matter - what matters is how it affects their world.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

If you really really want to sort out this awful mess then DO WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU. Sorry for shouting but perhaps the message might get through.

I haven't been on this forum long but I've done quite a bit of reading and I've seen post after post like this and they all seem to follow the same script without exception, you can almost predict the content of each page.

There are two ways this can work out.
1. You listen to the advice here decide some of it is good and mix it up with some of your own ideas and ignore other suggestions. Bad move! You end up shafted, miserable and wondering wtf happened. You slink away, lick your wounds and fail to learn from your mistakes,

2. You listen to the advice here, act on it, act decisively and you start to take control back. You do this not only for the marriage you do it for you.
Outcome? You could still be shafted, but you won't be nearly as miserable, you will take back control of your life and you can hold your head high. Some of the advice may go completely against your normal inclinations, but don't worry, your normal inclinations are more than likely what got you into this mess in the first place.

I'm replying from the second page so can't recall if you give much info about yourself. It is possible that some of the following applies to you. Working all hours to keep the family going, you've put on weight and let yourself go a bit, sex has dwindled away, your wife has become more distant and deep down you realise you are just a house friend. Maybe none of these apply in your case but I wouldn't mind betting that at least some apply. 

Buy MMSL and possibly NMMNG. I've been using MMSL for the last week and I've already seen a difference in both myself and the way my wife views me.
Did you say that the OM was 1000 miles away?

Bless their little cotton socks these WW's don't really think things through do they? But they are so gripped in their Dopamine addiction that they seem incapable of normal thought processes. Their rationalizing hamster is busily working away.

Does this younger man want to be saddled with kids? It's great while he is getting some action but I bet it's a different story when reality sets in.
I take it the wife can not take the kids out of state?

I think your WW is due a big wake up call so be prepared for fireworks and mind games when things start happening.

Remember what they will tell you is to help you come through this and emerge at the other side a whole man.

One of the benefits? of this process is that by following their advice you may have rescued your marriage, but you will certainly come out a better man.

Keep in mind two things.

You and your WW are responsible 50/50 for any problems in the marriage.

Your WW is 100% responsible for the affair.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

And just think on this. They will be two cheaters living together, suddenly it will not be la la land where everything is wonderful. I have read a statistic some where that cheaters have only a 3% chance of sticking together.
She may even come crawling back when it all blows up in her face.

Hopefully she will find that as you have come out of this a better, stronger man, there is upgrade wife waiting in the wings to take her place.

Hang tight and just remember Karma is a *****.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I disagree in sharing any information about the affair with the children unless it's as a last resort. And with taking this to FB.
> 
> I think the kids should know it takes two people to make a marriage work and you both have contributed (so as to not place blame) but there is no need to make the kids take sides or change their feelings toward either parent.
> 
> Now, if she does start telling the kids things about you, I would address that with them and reiterate that you are both at fault and that you would like to change the things about you that contributed to the downfall of the relationship and that Mom has to do the same for it to work. But dragging them into it isn't fair. They didn't cheat, they weren't controlling, etc. But they will join in the suffering of a divorce and the best thing for the kids is a joint approach along the lines of "Mom and Dad have some problems and we would like to work them out but that is no guarantee we will. But we both still love you and we will try to do what is best for you three always". No more questions should be answered. To the kids the details don't matter - what matters is how it affects their world.


It seems like her cheating was the downfall of the marriage. He shouldn't carry any blame for that.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

expose the affair to her friends and family. When the kids ask why you are divorcing the simple answer for you is Mom is in love with someone else.

It is the truth and honest. I do agree that is hard but it will come out someway in the future. It would be better from you.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

It's difficult, but avoid putting the kids in a position of having to choose sides. Love your kids MORE than you despise your wife. 

BTW, I wouldn't tell them that mom is in love with someone else. They'll figure this out on their own.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ISUOFIA said:


> Yeah she is still Facebook flirting with the guy. I'm not sure how long ago they met but I know that she bought a plane ticket prior to filing and then shortly after filing she went to book up with hi
> 
> So if I do expose her do I confront her first or tell others and let them confrot her?
> 
> ...


How would her infidelity be a trump card in a divorce? Do you live in a no fault state? It's very hard to prove infidelity even if it could be used in the divorce against her. 

I would expose her now to her family and very close friends. If you do, there is a chance that the affair will end and after she gets out of the fog she might want to get back with you.

Even if you expose now, if you live in a fault state, you can use the infidelity. Not exposing now does not give you an advantage in the divorce.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> Ok I've read the newbie posts and it seems that exposure is the most common advice but I am wondering if my situation may require a different approach. We have three daughters 6, 12, and 16. Back in February after a fight my wife told me she wanted a divorce. July 10th she finally filed. After finding pictures on OMs Facebook page I've put a lot together. I think she started EA last year and then August 3rd met the guy in Denver since he lives half way across the country.
> 
> For the past 7 months she has blamed the divorce on me 100%. Telling me I was controlling, emotionally abusive, oppressive, a liar etc. I believed it all. She tore me down totally. Finding this out today actually feels good and I don't feel like such a POS. not saying I'm easy to live with but the emotionally abusive stuff really hurt because I know I wasn't.
> 
> ...


First all, I am sorry for your situation, but have to say (and others will as well) you have to let it go. If she filed and is determined to be with the OM, not sure what you can do about it now. Don't worry, it will take less than 18 years for her to figure out that her new "man" is a POS (I am not of course implying that you are)... may take only five this time. 

Also, your daughters will eventually find out what happened. I think the big thing for you is to not get into a wound licking dark corner. By this I mean, if your daughters still love their mother and she still loves them (wants to be part of their lives), don't put toxins in their mind about their mom. You can be matter of fact about it, but don't start on how she is a sl*t and such. I actually think if you do it right, telling your daughters yourself would be better than hearing from another source.

On a side note... you may want to fight for joint custody. Don't settle for your girls having to be separated from you for long periods of time. Take Care.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

mahike said:


> expose the affair to her friends and family. When the kids ask why you are divorcing the simple answer for you is Mom is in love with someone else.
> 
> It is the truth and honest. I do agree that is hard but it will come out someway in the future. It would be better from you.


This is how you should handle the children when the time comes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

tacoma said:


> This is how you should handle the children when the time comes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


third this advice... just be cool and calm about it. Nothing toxic. You have to be the adult, because she is not.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Adultery factors in a divorce if she has been wasting marital assets.
Even if you file no fault I believe you can deposition your wife and find out everything you need to know. I'm doing it to my husband, as he won't give me any answers. There's also a list of 30 questions about finances and adultery you can send her, forget what it's called, but it's signed under oath and she should tell the truth. If not you may catch her out and courts don't like being lied to....


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Your children will always take their mother's side of the story.
If i had had an opportunity to file for divorce fourteen years before finding out what I now know, the first thing I would have had done was TWO paternity tests. Then work from there.
By the time I found out, she was handing me the papers along with the order of protection from a sleazy judge.
Just want you to know that your marriage is unsustainable.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> So she's still on the way out of the marriage and up til today *I wanted to fix it*. * I still do* but now have questions if it is too late or if I'm just desperate. She doesn't know that I know yet and I'm very concerned about exposing my children to the exposure. Im not sure how to protect them. Up til this their mom has been almost perfect . If i just post on facebook they will be crushed and probably mad and embarrassed. They are girls at a ver impressionable age.
> 
> I need your advice on how to do this.


The only way you have a chance, a minute chance, is to go nuclear. Many states still retain the option for filing under grounds, such as adultery. If so, counter file on her ass using adultery. This lets the cat out of the bag in an elegant way.

In the meantime, ignore your wife. Start doing hardcore bodybuilding (and correct eating) to build lean muscle mass. Change your clothes (update them for a guy 10 years younger and higher class than your usual). Get a completely new haircut. Get a vette or Shelby mustang. Or a Harley chopper. Doing all this stuff yesterday signals that you are moving on and you're going to be enjoying all the hot much younger women you will soon be attracting. Go out at night, say every other, leaving the house well dressed and groomed. Just say, "I'm stepping out for a while. Don't wait up." No other elaboration.

All that stuff will destabilize your wife's perception of who she's married to. She doesn't think you can get a woman at all. She has no sexual attraction to you. She's fluid bonded with another man (no rubbers used). Tear up her preconceived idea that you're going to be sitting in the middle of the dusty road crying in her rear view mirror. 

This stuff sounds nutty, but it taps into the Limbic attraction circuitry of the female. If she gets the idea you can get younger, hotter women (not woman, but women) she'll want to continue being your ball and chain.

If it doesn't work out that way, you'll be ready to start the party when she's finally gone. I'll be back later with your reading list.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

So I'm confused! I hear many say expose her and do the 180 at the same time. The 180 clearly says don't ask for help or call her family.

Working out needs to resume I was fit before but have lost too much weight. Buying new clothes was the result but I'm not looking 10 years younger. I can't buy a boat because we have a court order saying we have to preserve assets. 

Am I crazy for feeling like I don't have enough time? I am going on a fishing trip with friends next week and wonder if I should confront her then or if I should send an email to the OM telling him to back off. It could be anonymous.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ISUOFIA said:


> She has been telling me all along she wants to tak e the high road in this divorce versus throwing each other under the bus.


Sounds like a threat to me? Are you man enough to stand up to it?



ISUOFIA said:


> Isn't this going to fuel her fire that I would do that?


I repeat, are you man enough? 

Right now, the ONLY thing your wife and your marriage need from you is cast-iron balls. The ONLY way you can save anything is if you become strong, unbending, unyielding, and unwilling to discuss ANYTHING but complete No Contact with OM. If she goes for anything else, you calmly explain that you will then contact your lawyer and tell him to file for 100% custody. (doesn't matter if you want it; you HAVE to be strong right here - it's the ONLY thing she will hear from you)


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

So do I understand correctly, expose prior to confronting?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

If you are sure of your facts expose just prior to confronting. Not time to cover her tracks or try to spin to other people. Sounds cruel but then again she was not thinking about you or the kids when she had the A

Good luck, stay calm and in control


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

If you want to save the relationship (If even possible)

Expose while swinging cast iron balls
Confront still with the balls
180/Go Dark
When you do speak to her continue with the cast iron balls.
No reconciliation until she meets ALL your demands.

However this could back fire if she`s dead set on divorce as it will piss her off and you`ll lose that nice cushy divorce settlement.

You need to make a call, have faith, and roll the dice man.

D or R?

Decide before you do anything and realize R may not even be on her radar.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Here's the plan:
Gather your evidence.
Tell her you know and you want her to stop.
When she refuses or when you catch her still contacting him, you call her parents, her siblings, her best friends, and any other important person whose respect she craves. You tell them you're trying to save your marriage from the outside influence and you need their help talking to her, to get her to stop contact with him so that the two of you can see if you can save the marriage, FOR THE KIDS. Tell them that, once he's out of the picture, and you both make good faith efforts to fix any problems, if she still wants out, you'll let her go. But that won't be a fair choice until OM is out of the picture. 
At the same time, you contact OM's W and parents (yes, parents - don't you still want your parents to admire you?); hire a PI to get this info. Tell them what he's doing and ask them to talk to him.
Sit back and wait for the firestorm coming your way. Say nothing but "I asked you to stop and you refused. I'm trying to save our marriage." Ignore all the spew coming out of her mouth, such as Now I'll REALLY divorce you, or I'm going straight to a lawyer, or I'm taking the kids away from you, etc. All fog spew. Her trying to save her drug - contact with OM.
This is where you start the 180 - if she refuses to end contact, then you refuse to act married to her. Give her a taste of life without you and let her see you going out and having fun without her. 
Continue monitoring. 
Give yourself a timeline, say 3 to 6 months, after which if nothing's improved, you go ahead and file.
If the kids ask, you tell them the truth. You may want to consider telling the 16 year old what's going on; if you have a good relationship and she's a strong kid, she may become your strongest ally in getting her mom to stop. I've seen cheaters stop cheating just because the kids guilt them out. The oldest can decide if the youngers can handle it - she'll know better than you.


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

...if she is happily proceeding down the path towards divorce, then it is unlikely that any type of exposure will influence that decision unless the OM has a significant other. That being said, telling people around you the "truth" about the divorce (not exposure) is the right thing to do for many reasons. #1 is the truth always has a way of coming out anyway, and you do not want to be a part of any deception. #2 the people in your lives deserve to know the type of people you two really are......do you think that will happen if she spins her tales, and you remain silent? #3 children are very observant, but can easily get confused by what they observe due to lack of life's experiences......they should know enough to be on firm footing in their understanding, but within the limits they can each handle without excessive worry.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Oh, and get the book No More Mr Nice Guy TODAY and get it read by Saturday. This is VITAL. You won't make it through this in one piece if you don't.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

tacoma said:


> If you want to save the relationship (If even possible)
> 
> Expose while swinging cast iron balls
> Confront still with the balls
> ...


Rare as hens teeth. 

Otherwise you will get an equal divide of marital assets correct, no matter how messy the D. While she may threaten with a long drawn out, expensive D, unless she has a ton of money hidden, it will be just as hard on her.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> So do I understand correctly, expose prior to confronting?


Absolutely. Bring the Affair out into the daylight. 

Exposé it. Tacoma is right.

You need to enforce No Contact. Her version of the High Road is just that. Her version.

Again, you may not get to R but you have to show her that you are no fool.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> It seems like her cheating was the downfall of the marriage. He shouldn't carry any blame for that.


But this isn't appropriate for the kids to know. Their marital issues are both of theirs; her cheating is all hers. But if they have both been good parents then it should NOT affect the kids. 

Telling the kids will have the kids choosing sides and that is NOT healthy for them. It is emotionally abusive, quite honestly. I have gone WAY out of my way to keep my daughter out of things and the ex wants to put her in he middle and it breaks her heart. 

It was both our faults (me submissive and afraid of confrontation, he the bully and verbally/physically abusive) but her knowing, as long as he isn't abusive to her, serves her no purpose. 

Kids DESERVE to have two parents who love them and two parents to love. They will get shortchanged when they had NOTHING to do with the problems.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your situation is not the same as his, Enjoli. If their mother is splitting the family up, and he wants to save the marriage, her knowing that the kids don't approve of what she's doing may just be what she needs to wake up and realize what she's about to do. And they are going to be split up no matter what. I'd rather tell my child the truth (in an age appropriate way) so that they know they can at least trust ME to not lie to them.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

turnera said:


> Your situation is not the same as his, Enjoli. If their mother is splitting the family up, and he wants to save the marriage, her knowing that the kids don't approve of what she's doing may just be what she needs to wake up and realize what she's about to do. And they are going to be split up no matter what. I'd rather tell my child the truth (in an age appropriate way) so that they know they can at least trust ME to not lie to them.


I have to side with Turnera. The kids deserve and need the truth. When a person brings infidelity into a marriage not only is the spouse shortchanged but so are the children.

The WS needs to understand this. The kids need to know the difference between right and wrong.

Now you have to be careful what you tell them or how much you tell them. But they do deserve the truth. Age appropriate truth.

And I am sure the kids know a lot more about what is going on in the house than either parent thinks they do.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You do want to ensure that she can't take the kids and move away once you get D. Make sure that you either have joint custody and a claus preventing the kids being moved.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh and I the D include a morals clause preventing her from exposing the children to the OM or any other partners for 6 months.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

turnera said:


> Here's the plan:
> Gather your evidence.
> Tell her you know and you want her to stop.
> When she refuses or when you catch her still contacting him, you call her parents, her siblings, her best friends, and any other important person whose respect she craves. You tell them you're trying to save your marriage from the outside influence and you need their help talking to her, to get her to stop contact with him so that the two of you can see if you can save the marriage, FOR THE KIDS. Tell them that, once he's out of the picture, and you both make good faith efforts to fix any problems, if she still wants out, you'll let her go. But that won't be a fair choice until OM is out of the picture.
> ...


OP

IMHO this is very good advice, you would be wise to take heed


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Everyone has great advice but his wife has already filed for D in the middle of having an Affair.

ISUOFIA needs to expose now. He will have time to confront her but the Divorce has already begun.

He needs to expose the Affair to anyone and everyone.

That is his only chance.

I highly doubt giving her a chance to stop the A and all communication with the OM is going to happen before he exposes. 

And you know what, she deserves to be exposed this way. That is how you show her what the low road looks like. Because that is the road she is on. She just reversed the signs to throw off the scent of deceit.

HM64


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Uh, happy, that's what I told her to do. I gave her a step by step process, more than just 'expose.'


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

turnera said:


> Your situation is not the same as his, Enjoli. If their mother is splitting the family up, and he wants to save the marriage, *her knowing that the kids don't approve of what she's doing may just be what she needs to wake up and realize what she's about to do.* And they are going to be split up no matter what. I'd rather tell my child the truth (in an age appropriate way) so that they know they can at least trust ME to not lie to them.


I don't think Enjoli is advocating lying to the kids. However, they should not be used as pawns in their parents' divorce. No good will come of it. Sure, you might feel better knowing that you made sure that the kids know the truth about who destroyed their happy home. But she is still their mother, and hopefully she can still have a good relationship with them.

I haven't told the kids what a cheating lying ho' my ex wife is. They don't need to know that level of detail. I'm thinking about THEIR well-being, and if it means that she looks better to them than she actually deserves then so be it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I know of several marriages that were saved from infidelity because the kids knew the mom or dad was cheating and called their parent out on the rug for it. It's THEIR HOME that's being destroyed. They DO need to know that one parent is stepping outside the bonds of marriage. If nothing else, so that they will learn how it harms people and so they won't do it themselves. You know, cos kids do exactly what their parents do.

Their 'well being' DOES involve knowing that one parent, at least, will not lie to them.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Sounds like a situation where they stayed together because of the kids. I'm sure there are also instances where the kids come to resent BOTH parents for putting them in the middle of their grownup problems. 

Kids don't have to know every detail of why the relationship failed. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Nope. More like situations where the kids woke up the cheaters to realize they were being selfish.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Ok to make a couple of comments to Count and Turnera. 
Turnera: She has already filed. I have begun the 180 without confronting her already.

Count: I'm torn because my daughter got an earful during one discussion. She had gone out with our neighbors (who used to be my friends) and posted a picture of another guy with the caption "We just wanted to say Hi" . It turned out this guy was married and his wife was there but my daughter didn't know and got ticked. In turn my wife lit me up for not telling her that it wasn't true. one thing led to another and I told her that she needs to clear the air with our daughter who was ticked she even went out without me. When she asked my daughter, the 16yo ripped her a new one for how she was acting and then for not telling her why we were getting a divorce. See my wife forced me to sit down with the kids and tell them we wanted a divorce a week before her rendezvous with the OM. During the tell the kids convo I said nothing. 

Back on track, my wife proceeded to say that she was tired of being controlled, oppressed and emotionally abused. My daughter asked what her definition of those were and after being told yelled "Mom that is exactly what you do to him and everyone else in the house!" It was left that she was leaving because of me and my daughter knowing I didn't file. 

Not sure if that makes a difference in having my WW tell my daughter that the reality is that she loves another man, from facebook.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Wow! Scratch everything that I was advocating because it does not relate to your situation. I am so sorry that you're going through all of this. Be sure to get counseling for your children.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> Ok to make a couple of comments to Count and Turnera.
> Turnera: She has already filed. I have begun the 180 without confronting her already.
> 
> Count: I'm torn because my daughter got an earful during one discussion. She had gone out with our neighbors (who used to be my friends) and posted a picture of another guy with the caption "We just wanted to say Hi" . It turned out this guy was married and his wife was there but my daughter didn't know and got ticked. In turn my wife lit me up for not telling her that it wasn't true. one thing led to another and I told her that she needs to clear the air with our daughter who was ticked she even went out without me. When she asked my daughter, the 16yo ripped her a new one for how she was acting and then for not telling her why we were getting a divorce. See my wife forced me to sit down with the kids and tell them we wanted a divorce a week before her rendezvous with the OM. During the tell the kids convo I said nothing.
> ...


Your wife is screwing everyone up in one shot. What a winner.

I think your 16 year old is more mature than your wife.

Is your wife aware that you know about their rendezvous?


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

No she is not aware. I'm planning on telling her that I know about the affair tomorrow. "WW I want to let you know that I know about what is going on. You are welcome to have a calm discussion but I doubt that is going to happen. If you do want to talk I would like you to start by telling me a little more about what happened at the Aloft Hotel in Denver. If you do not want to talk I want you to take your time figuring out what you are going to do now. I'm not talking about the marriage I'm talking about the affair. If you don't break it off immediately, I'm going to ask you to leave as I will not tolerate someone who cheated on our family, filed for divorce, and scared our children for her own reasons and is willing to continue to disrespect what the rest of us value as the most important institution in our lives


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Turnera wtf? I can see why your not married. 

We had just got back from a counseling session where the whack told me that I had to be on the same page as her when we told the kids. Doing anything else is not beneficial to them. So instead of chiming in "I agree or We are getting a divorce because we don't get along" I chose to say nothing. It ticked her off that I didn't back her up. In the end I got exactly what I wanted. My daughters knew the truth without me having to say anything. There's a difference between having a set of balls and being the D#$K above.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How about this:

"Wife, I know you're cheating on me. You have 5 minutes to decide - him or me. If you choose him, your stuff will be out of the house in the next 15 minutes."


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ISUOFIA said:


> Turnera wtf? I can see why your not married.


I have been married for 32 years.



ISUOFIA said:


> We had just got back from a counseling session where the whack told me that I had to be on the same page as her when we told the kids. Doing anything else is not beneficial to them. So instead of chiming in "I agree or We are getting a divorce because we don't get along" I chose to say nothing. It ticked her off that I didn't back her up. In the end I got exactly what I wanted. My daughters knew the truth without me having to say anything. There's a difference between having a set of balls and being the D#$K above.


And I have been watching emasculated husbands JUST LIKE YOU for the last TEN YEARS, explaining why they can't expose, why they can't confront, why they can't take a stand.

And here is the truth: Going back to caveman days, men need attractive females (to promote the species) and women need strong, forceful, take-charge men (to promotte the species). If you can't be that man, she will BIOLOGICALLY seek out another man. 

That is where you are. Get mad at me? Fat lot of good that's doing you. How about getting mad at your cheating wife?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> Turnera wtf? I can see why your not married.
> 
> We had just got back from a counseling session where the whack told me that I had to be on the same page as her when we told the kids. Doing anything else is not beneficial to them. So instead of chiming in "I agree or We are getting a divorce because we don't get along" I chose to say nothing. It ticked her off that I didn't back her up. In the end I got exactly what I wanted.* My daughters knew the truth without me having to say anything*. There's a difference between having a set of balls and being the D#$K above.


IMO that's being too passive. Your daughter sounds mature enough to handle the truth. Tell her exactly whats going on.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Didn't I mention that one of her issues with me is that I was too controlling?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

ISUOFIA said:


> Didn't I mention that one of her issues with me is that I was too controlling?


You need to know that in cheater speak "Controlling == you are interfering with my affair - stop it!"

So it's not that you are actually controlling, it's that you as her husband are causing her grief and c-blocking her OM.

BTW - If your wife is in a affair, then you are wasting your money on counseling. MC is for two people who want to build their marriage, but it takes both people working with the program.

It isn't a system to get someone to stop cheating.

So stop wasting money on MC until the affair is done and gone. 

What you're not seeing is the bad marriage didn't cause the affair. However, the affair will certainly contribute and escalate the bad marriage.

Read Married Man's Sex Life by Kay Athol if you want to better understand the dynamic here and how to fight it.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> But this isn't appropriate for the kids to know. Their marital issues are both of theirs; her cheating is all hers. But if they have both been good parents then it should NOT affect the kids.
> 
> Telling the kids will have the kids choosing sides and that is NOT healthy for them. It is emotionally abusive, quite honestly. I have gone WAY out of my way to keep my daughter out of things and the ex wants to put her in he middle and it breaks her heart.
> 
> ...


I don't see how one can be a good parent and be a bad spouse (setting a bad example for your children is bad parenting). How can they be separated? IMO they are linked and can not be separated. And the truth is never a bad thing. Again I say, their marriage fell apart BECAUSE SHE CHEATED.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

where do I find that letter that she writes to the OM
telling him its done.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

And now turnera got banned because of this thread.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

he was a bit harsh....


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ISUOFIA said:


> he was a bit harsh....


Turnera is a woman, NOT a he. 

Oh well, there's many other people and many other threads and new people coming on her all the time that need attention.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

who banned her?


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You need to know that in cheater speak "Controlling == you are interfering with my affair - stop it!"
> 
> So it's not that you are actually controlling, it's that you as her husband are causing her grief and c-blocking her OM.


Men who are truly controlling (amongst other things):
--emotionally / verbally abuse
--physically abuse
--isolate their wives socially from family and friends
--won't let them have a job
--stress the wife so that she feels compelled to exercise / diet / always look nicely dressed
--use belittling, criticism, and mental manipulation to get what they want
and, would never, ever admit that they are controlling, but that's just because their wife wouldn't dare call them that for fear of retribution (see above)

(A woman in this type of marriage should do her level best to GET OUT, find a woman's shelter, and rebuild, because very few men are able to stop these behaviors and turn themselves around.)



ISUOFIA said:


> [She was] telling me I was controlling, emotionally abusive, oppressive, a liar etc. I believed it all. *She tore me down totally*. Finding this out today actually feels good and I don't feel like such a POS. not saying I'm easy to live with *but the emotionally abusive stuff really hurt because **I know I wasn't*.


Do you see what is going on here? You are describing someone who is emotionally abusive--and I'll give you a hint--it isn't you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The mods can ban her for calling you a name or insulting you.

This forum is been getting crowded and the mods are getting alot tougher.

See t- was frusterated, shes got over 10,000 posts and has been in this community for a very long time and has read it all, what works, what doesn't. 

Many here have been thru this crap and we kind of get excited when we see the same mistakes over and over again by folks that are fighting for there marriages and losing.

Sure some folks will lose there marriage, but that doesn't mean they have to lose them selves in the process.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

iheartlife wrote


> Do you see what is going on here? You are describing someone who is emotionally abusive--and I'll give you a hint--it isn't you


And your daughter also seems to know who's the abusive one.
This "controling" things always brought, specially by WW (I'm generalizing, I know is common among WHs too, but it's just my experience) when they don't share the same agenda: be comitted to the marriage. Period. She doesn't want to be acountable as every spouse in the world must be therefore they see the betrayed as an abstacle to their freedom, to their happiness, therefore the paint the rest as controling wich also help them by putting the blame onto others. That's all.
I asume the startyed the EA way before any divorce speach was on the table. You become controling the very moment she didb't want to be acountable anymore.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Can anyone help me find the letter that was used as an example to have the WW send to the OM? Please


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

there's a template in the newbie link in my signature

almost at the end of the first post


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Thanks been looking for you


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

It totally backfired in my face. You guys have any proof this works? She brought an lady from a family that we are both close to the house and confronted me telling me that this is a perfect example of how I control, threaten, put myself before the kids, and why she wants a divorce. She did end the affair but made me look like a frickin ****


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

..from what I have read here, the NC letter is part of what is needed for a true R.......apparently all your wife wants to do is D and try to make herself look better by putting you down.

Imagine....calling you controlling for asking her to stop contact with someone who is part of the destruction of your marriage.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Isuofia
step 1 complete.

Calm down.

I hope you threw all of them out of the house. 

And when she is babbling BS like that you tell her this calmly "i am sorry you feel this way."

Do not engage in her BS.

That is her way to rationalize her hurtful actions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your wife is/was screwing around behind your back and has the balls to pull that crap?????WTF

So when is it controlling to protect ones marraige? 

When is it threatening to stop tolorating sharing your wife?

If she was so worried about the kids then way is she breaking up there home by stepping out of the marriage?


You have got to be kidding me? Were is the remorse for having an affair?

Dude your chick is nuts and should be begging you to keep her, I don't get it at all.

How can you tolorate her any more when clearly has no respect or remorse for what she did to you?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

BTW has she given you any proof that the A is over or was it just show infront of this strange lady she brought over?

Have you taken the step your self to confirm that its over?

Please explain to me how your wife can justiy going out to Denver and meet her boyfriend and be married?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

ISUOFIA said:


> made me look like a frickin ****


How could this possibly happen? She goes and lets some guy climb on top of her, spreads her legs in some Denver motel and your the bad guy?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> And now turnera got banned because of this thread.


Hopefully it's a short term ban.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

It was a perfect trap and yes I'm a f'ing *****. I'm so pissed at myself formallowing them to draw me in and tell me that I'm wrong for threatening to tell the girls. Damnit! I'm pissed because I didn't kick them out I engaged them and defended myself for an hour! They frickin turned the table on me without me knowing it and justified her affair because she had. Filed for divorce and knew the marriage was in trouble a long time ago!!!! And this is a good family friend and church going lady! 

I obviously haven't made it throug enough of the no more mr nice guy book. Times like these about ready to stop fighting and just let her go. I'm tired of feeling like a puss after every conversation. I felt awesome after the confrontation. But she went straight to this ladies house and called her lawyer saying I was threatening her. She said she took her FBpage down....that or she blocked me

Did I blow it?


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Btw now I have no way of confirming she broke it off


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> Btw now I have no way of confirming she broke it off


ISUOFIA

Tomorrow morning go to Walmart or Targetand buy yourself a voice activated recorder.

You need to protect yourself. You need to record every conversation going forward.

Especially if she threatens you, threatens you with further legal action or calls the cops on you as if you abused her.

She is nuts because you are spoiling her party.

This is all per the cheaters script.

If your wife or her friend pulls this crap, walk away. And if she is this volatile your kids will know that she is starting to freak out.

Keep a close eye on your kids. They will need your assurance and steady, calm guidance.

Stay strong no matter what happens. The storm is just starting now.

Do not lose your cool. And record all conversations.

And most importantly do not threaten her.

HM64


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

First off, calm down. Think of this as war. You are at war with the affair, the AP, and, essentially, your WW. You won't win this if you can not think calmly and form a strategy.

Don't threaten to tell your girls. If you say you are going to tell them, you should tell them. If you just threaten, she will never believe you are serious. 

*Don't engage her.* Don't succumb to her own mind games. A WW will almost always throw the BS is controlling them on card on the table. It's because you are interfering with her and the OM's fantasy land.

The friend is a toxic friend. Ignore her. Remember, the only ones who matter is you, your children, and the WW (if she expresses remorse).

Buy a VAR and keep it on you. Make sure it is always recording incase she tries to say that you domestically assaulted her. As for other ways to confirm that the affair is still on, I will wait to see what the others say.


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

And what if no remorse?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> Did I blow it?


Yes.

Remember:

'The person that cares the least controls the relationship.'


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## ISUOFIA (Aug 11, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Yes.
> 
> Remember:
> 
> 'The person that cares the least controls the relationship.'


_Posted via Mobile Device_

Can I recover and if so how? 
I'm guessing she will continue with the A


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

If there is no remorse, the most important people will be your children and you. I know that it is a callous way of looking at it, but your first instincts should be to protect your children and yourself. You do that by getting the VAR and keeping it on you.

Also, if there is no remorse, there can't truly be an R. A spouse that isn't remorseful might very well have another affair.

She already filed for divorce in the middle of it; the countdown clock for you to expose is ticking. The only way I see to recover from this is by exposing her. Nuke this baby out of the water.

Affairs thrive on secrecy. Shine a light on it, and it may wither and die. At the very least, she couldn't claim that she met the AP after you if you don't get your R.

Keep up with the 180 that your doing, too. Remember: Cool. You don't care. Control the situation.

As I said, I'm not too good with finding evidence of the affair after the confrontation. So I'm going to wait until more people chime in for that.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Writer said:


> If there is no remorse, the most important people will be your children and you. I know that it is a callous way of looking at it, but your first instincts should be to protect your children and yourself. You do that by getting the VAR and keeping it on you.
> 
> Also, if there is no remorse, there can't truly be an R. A spouse that isn't remorseful might very well have another affair.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I like the way you think


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

ISUOFIA said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Can I recover and if so how?
> I'm guessing she will continue with the A


Read up on the 180. When she is around you, she sees a man in control of himself and his emotions. Discuss ONLY the kids and the D with her. EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

It helped me to not engage by deciding in advance what I was going to say. Although in my case it was over the phone, I finally would just have to interrupt his tirades by saying "Were you calling about our daughter? If you don't have anything else we need to discuss as it relates to [valid divorce/property/child issue] then I'm hanging up now".

Get in your head some "prerecorded" messages. Keep saying them. i.e. "I will not justify your accusations with a response. We were talking about/we need to talk about ______." Whatever works for you or applies to the situation. But regardless, it's easier if you have a script in your head and cut her off every time she veers off a subject you won't entertain/discuss. Repeat it over and over and she will become very frustrated at her losing control of the conversation.

Just some ideas.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Update?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Go to that ladies church sunday and at the end of the service ask the pastor to let you speak to the congregation. Explain how your wife was in an affair and when you told her to stop she brought that lady to the house to ok that it was right for the wife to breakup the family for another man. Tell them you want them to pray for her for she thinks adultry is ok no matter what the Bible teach.

My man you really need to start playing dirty. If she had big enough balls to ok my wife screwing around to my face, and in my house, I would put the pain to her happy lil world.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Since she went to her lawyer, you go to Gm and Uncle.
Do you go to the same church as the woman ?? 
If so start telling how she came to your house and tried to get you to be ok with your wife breaking up the family for a man she met on facebook. who knows, she may have told him she has 3 daughters, and he may be a predator.


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