# Wanted to crawl under the bed and die



## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

This is just a vent, but maybe some ladies or fellows with wives will understand where I am coming from.

I just had a baby 2 months ago. I love being a mother and it has been a relatively easy adjustment for me. He is time consuming and a lot of my time is spent nursing, but I am off of work right now so that has helped a ton.

Tonight my mother, who lives in a different country, asked for a picture of me and my son. Of course, my husband snaps a photo of me holding our son and sends it to her. Well, I grabbed the phone and looked at the photo. My mouth dropped.

Who is that woman? OMG. I was horrified. Just two years ago when I met my husband, I looked so good. I have always taken really good care of myself, make up, nice hair, nice clothes. There I was, no make up, hair in a bun, frumpy night gown.

Anyway, as the title says, I wanted to crawl under the bed and die. I cried. In fact, writing this out I am still tearing up thinking about how bad I look. Am I the only one who has felt this way after kids? 

I have to start trying to look better for myself. I just have no energy left by the time I take care of the baby, cook, clean, etc. Please tell me somebody relates to this!


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Inquiz:

Bear in mind, no matter what you may think now, many years from now you will realize that your were far more beautiful at this time than you ever thought and these times are wondrous, beautiful and magical – don’t let the magic of these times pass you by because it only comes by you once in a life time.

Hindsight speaking here.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My wife was, is the same way. She hates to take pictures for the most part. My kids will grow up and see my kool aid smile in most of the pictures. It's a shame. One of my favorite pictures I have is the day before my oldest son was born me and the wife at a photo booth at the movies. She was glowing.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

Spindaddy, your right, I do need to remember that one day I will look back and think of these days as the best part of my life. I should stay more positive and be thankful for what I got now.

richie33, It is beautiful that you as a husband cherish the moments when your wife was pregnant. My husband is a blessing and he has never once been the cause of my feelings. Another thing I have to be thankful for.

I guess I am really going to have to just maybe make a few minutes for myself everyday so I feel like I look good again. A little make up or fixing of the hair would not be too much.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You are deep into mommy mode right now but do not forget about yourself. The baby will be fine with his father. Have him watch him, go get your hair and nails done. It's a stressful time but sometimes you need me time.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

inquizitivemind said:


> This is just a vent, but maybe some ladies or fellows with wives will understand where I am coming from.
> 
> I just had a baby 2 months ago. I love being a mother and it has been a relatively easy adjustment for me. He is time consuming and a lot of my time is spent nursing, but I am off of work right now so that has helped a ton.
> 
> ...


Honey, I'm sure every mother of a newborn can relate! I look back at pictures of me (the few that exist) with my first and I'm embarrassed! My hair wasn't done, wearing ratty tank tops and faded leggings. Ugh. 

I just had twins a month ago and make it a point every morning to brush my hair, take a quick shower, and change my nursing tank lol. I put on a little makeup no matter what. 

Why? Because I actually want to feel pretty. I look BETTER after having twins than I did before. I'm actually taking time for myself this time around. Here are my tips from one mommy to another. 

DO NOT buy the comfortable yet hideous loungewear. Just don't. I do not own one pair of sweatpants or faded leggings or those awful nightdresses. It takes away the temptation to slum it. 

TREAT YOURSELF. Find coupons and sales and buy yourself new clothes. Let the baby cry for 2 minutes while you brush your hair and slap on a little makeup. 

When you can avoid housework or cooking, DO IT. You're not super mom. I've cooked exactly 2 meals in the 5 weeks since they've been home. Let someone else cook a meal or fold the clothes. 

Pick one time to clean. Do a quick sweep of one room at a time, for no more than 10 minutes. Don't attempt to deep clean every day. Once the baby is older and follows a set pattern THEN you will be able to cook/clean. Right now is an adjustment. 

I'm a huge lover of breastfeeding. My two are exclusively breastfed. Before you sit down to nurse make sure you have: something to entertain yourself, a little snack, and lots of water. 

The biggest thing that I can recommend is separation. Where does the baby sleep? If he is in your room, after he's in bed for his first stretch of sleep, go into another room. Spend time with hubby and cuddle. I'm alone at night now so I watch tv and surf the internet and BREATHE. 

I've got a ton more because I've learned from my past mistakes. I AM stressed with 2 but I actually get MORE sleep with them than I did with my older kids! Why? Because I don't stress out about meals and cleanliness. My house isn't as tidy as it used to be but it isn't squalor! And that's ok. 

Please take time for yourself. Happy mommies make more delicious milk for babies.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Hi, OP. I have five kids, each breast-fed for at least two and half years, all homeschooled. I can tell you that the hardest times in the last 20 years have been when I was just too picky and controlling about everything we did. I wish I could've relaxed more. We all would've had a lot more fun.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

11 1/2 yrs ago I had triplets. I'll tell you.....you are not alone in this. I felt very much the way you do. It does get better as your child gets older.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Exercise. Walk your baby and listen to music or books.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Exercise. Walk your baby and listen to music or books.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

A good walk is a good pick-me-up. You can put baby in the stroller or in a carrier and take a stroll around the neighborhood. That always helps me center myself and feel better. If my 1 year old is driving me crazy, I put him in the jogging stroller and go for a run. 

Also, a life saver for me was/is babywearing. I wore my son a lot in a ring sling or other carrier, so baby was happy and I was hands free. It helped a lot when he was a cranky teething little boy. I still do now with him being a year old, putting him on my back to help calm him down(stops his meltdowns) and I continue on with cleaning, cooking, etc. 

Looking back, I was too controlling with trying to clean everything when my son was younger and I wish I hadn't done that. The cleaning can wait. Enjoy the time with your little one.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree that you should not take this so hard. Most new moms are a bit whipped out.

But also use it as a motivator to start getting back to yourself. Put your baby in a stroller and go for a long walk every day. Find a very easy to care for hair style, even if it's just a pony tail and some very nicely cut bangs. Have an easy make-up routine.

Do not lose yourself to being a mom. And don't forget your husband. For the sake of your child, put your marriage first. A strong marriage is the foundation of a strong family. Your child needs a strong family.


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## EMZED (Jul 29, 2014)

Ok, so I am also a mom. I had a son two years ago.

I think you are being rather hard on yourself if you are horrified that you were not wearing makeup and you have a two month old. Your baby is very young indeed. I'd barely left bed when my baby was that age.

Makeup is temporary paint for your face. It can be applied at any time. It's not like your face is going to lose the ability to have makeup put on it. You can put it on again whenever you want.

Maybe when you're at home, though, cuddling and nursing your kid, that's not the time when it's important to have it on. Think of it as: you're giving your face and hair a break, too.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

We are all our own worst critics. I hate to be the only one to say it but you have hormones at play here too. While you might of not looked your best that's now what's most important. How you make that baby feel and bonding with them is. Another bonus is that picture was sent to your mom who I'm sure will always think of you as her beautiful "baby" whether you're grown and a mother yourself or not. Also feelings whether happy, sad or angry are likely to be exaggerated because of hormones having just been pregnant and given birth two months ago. Go easy on yourself. 

You might not have time for a hair appointment - I didn't when I was exclusively breastfeeding but I did leave the house for a half-hour or hour when possible and left baby with dad when he came by (we were separated at the time). It definitely helped me re-energize myself.


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## LuckyMe220 (Jul 29, 2014)

honestly I felt more beautiful while being pregnant than after. I always lost the weight after birth until my 3rd.. It was so hard and still is to this day knowing how small I used to be and where I am now. I won't say that I am all the way 100% comfortable with the weight and lounging around in sweats and tshirts but I will say day by day you have to get up and make yourself up. If you're just home cleaning, cooking, or have a moment to watch your favorite show, throw on a nice casual outfit do your hair add makeup on and you'll start to feel good again. Even though children can be a handful you have to make time for yourself


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

inquizitivemind said:


> This is just a vent, but maybe some ladies or fellows with wives will understand where I am coming from.
> 
> I just had a baby 2 months ago. I love being a mother and it has been a relatively easy adjustment for me. He is time consuming and a lot of my time is spent nursing, but I am off of work right now so that has helped a ton.
> 
> ...


2 months ago? Darlin, ease up on yourself!!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

inquizitivemind said:


> This is just a vent, but maybe some ladies or fellows with wives will understand where I am coming from.
> 
> I just had a baby 2 months ago. I love being a mother and it has been a relatively easy adjustment for me. He is time consuming and a lot of my time is spent nursing, but I am off of work right now so that has helped a ton.
> 
> ...


I can only speak for myself. 

I understand what has happened to you.. It is a product of your love and dedication for your child.

As a husband and father. I WANTED my wife to take care of my baby... That baby trumps everything early on. 

What I did to help my wife, when we had 2 small children, I got her a maid to come in a half day two or three times a week. 

I did that to help mom.. I didn't want her to get wore down to a nub. And, I wanted her to not be too pooped to pop later that evening. Save a little time and energy for Daddy and everything will be fine. There is no greater gift you can give your husband than a child!

This is a temporary situation... I recognized that... 

I so wanted a family... That was just part of it...

Relax and enjoy being a mom... Every day, he get's bigger and his world get's bigger. He won't be little long and he'll never be that little again... ENJOY every day! Even the tough and trying days. You'll look back with fond memories!


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

A bit on the side perhaps.. but, about photos in general, particularly photos of people, be it a spouse or kids or whatnot.

Personally, I like to capture and see them though photos when it is not staged, when it is not 'smile to camera and fix your hair' in front of a tourist attractions..... it is about capturing the everyday sometimes, when things may look a bit dishelved.

I am reminded of a story from the old country, and from the 1950's... (retold from memory)...

It was about this journalist from the big city that was travelling about in the north, where people make their living as fishermen, where nature is big, the ocean is both cruel and giving at the same time. He came over this old fisherman, sitting mending some nets, long beard, grimy, muscular in a tattered t-shirt, coming in from 2 weeks at sea.... wanted to take a picture of him, but had forgotten his camera. Asked if the guy would be there the next day and if he could take his picture.... the old fisherman said yes...

the next day, the journalist came... met the fisherman, who in the meantime had showered, shaved, and put on his sunday best.....

nahh... you are a new mommy... capture that moment... plenty of times and opportunities for other pictures later on...


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

This is sorta on topic. I did the same thing when my wife was pregnant.


Me, through my children's eyes - MSN Living


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