# hopeless



## sumbodysumwhere (May 19, 2009)

I'm not exactly sure where to begin... 

Without this becoming a long sob story about how miserable and depressed I am, I'll just simply ask...
How do you grieve your marriage and get over someone when you have to live with them due to circumstances beyond your control? 

The marriage was already over for her a long time ago, I just didn't realize it until recently. So now I am dealing with the pain of knowing my wife doesn't love me and trying to put things in any kind of perspective that might make sense and make it possible to maintain some kind of positive attitude with my children. Its just really really hard to do that right now when all I want to do is disappear. 

I am also extremely isolated and have no one to talk to about anything so I just sit around or go places in utter silence with only my negative self talk to accompany me. I'm living with a heaviness that hits immediately when I wake up and stays with me until I go to sleep and there is virtually no one to talk to about it. I guess thats why I'm here. 


Then to make matters worse every word that comes out of her mouth to me is something negative, sarcastic or just downright cruel. She belittles me in front of my children and purposefully does every thing she can to try to hurt or control me in some way. If it isn't an insult or a complaint its most likely a demand of some sort and it goes on and on and on. And its been that way for a long long time. She is impossible to please and communication is impossible. She is incapable of even momentarily allowing herself to think that she might be wrong under any circumstances. When I have tried in the past to express feelings, give opinioins, or directly address anything regarding our marriage my points and views and feelings are always sidestepped, avoided, deflected or completely ignored. 
I try to hear her and give her ground and admit things but the only way to be successful with her in an argument or conversation of any value is to completely agree with her. Thats it. She even readily admits that she is always right and finds it all very amusing that there could ever be any doubt about it. It is just the truth to her. She is right. There is no room for discussion or debate. Shes just right. Period. 

So yeah I guess this did kind of turn into a sob story...sorry. 


But yeah ... 
Life is sucking pretty hard right now and just needed to vent a bit and maybe get some advice.
Thanks


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sumbodysumwhere said:


> She is impossible to please and communication is impossible. She is incapable of even momentarily allowing herself to think that she might be wrong under any circumstances.


It sounds like you two are still married. I dont think you can really get over something when you are still in the situation completely. You're going to have to learn to stand up to her, and get a back bone. You've lost your self respect. there are a lot of self help books out there you can look into. its not about communicating with her anymore. its about getting some self respect back and learning to communicate with yourself. who cares if she thinks she's right all the time. you're not married to her. it doesnt matter what she thinks anymore. you're not trying to please her anymore, hopefully. Hopefully you just try to get your self respect back. you dont have to convince her that she is wrong in order to get your self respect back. you have to learn to change what you are saying to yourself. And try to get out of there.


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