# How sexually successful are men on TAM?



## tech-novelist

This was inspired by a post by @ConanHub about his being one of the more sexually successful men on TAM.

So I was wondering how successful that would have to be and how it would be measured.

Number of partners, lengths of relationships, or what?


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## ConanHub

tech-novelist said:


> This was inspired by a post by @ConanHub about his being one of the more sexually successful men on TAM.
> 
> So I was wondering how successful that would have to be and how it would be measured.
> 
> Number of partners, lengths of relationships, or what?


Seriously? Ugh. I'm going to bed and hope this goes away.....


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## Faithful Wife

I think it will be fun. :grin2:


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## tech-novelist

Ok, I'll start.

First partner at 18 in my junior year of college.
Lots of partners in my last two years of college.
Some years of total drought in my 30s.

I've had a live-in partner or wife continuously since 1976.
1976-1984 Live-in partner
1984-1995 Living with wife #1
1995-present Living with wife #2 (almost certainly my last wife).

A total 18 partners including all of the above.


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## Faithful Wife

I’m going to need signed affidavits for all of the notches on each mans bed post, to verify their claims.

Pictures optional but encouraged.


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## BioFury

I think I'll have to take the gold on this one. A girl totally blew me a kiss earlier this month >

*contented sigh* I know. Don't be jealous :grin2:


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## Casual Observer

Shouldn’t a measure of success be how few women a guy has been with, combined with above-average frequency? A lot of women could imply discontent with his skills.


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## BioFury

ConanHub said:


> Seriously? Ugh. I'm going to bed and hope this goes away.....


Going to bed huh?

What a mic drop.

:wink2:


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## Chuck71

One partner for me...... but the female has many personalities. Maybe around 100.


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## Blondilocks

Faithful Wife said:


> I’m going to need signed affidavits for all of the notches on each mans bed post, to verify their claims.
> 
> Pictures optional but encouraged.


Men:circle:; when they're not measuring ****s, they're counting notches on the bed post.

I just realized: tech-novelist is older than moi:surprise:.


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## Wolfman1968




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## Deejo

This subject may have a very brief shelf life depending upon how it plays out.

I think the concept of 'sexual success' in itself can be thorny.

The average reported number of partners by men that is easily accessible via google still sits at between 5 and 7. Conversely, women tend to report lower ... generally 4 partners, which presents an inherent issue in the numbers reported between men and women. People tend to believe that men over-report, and women under-report.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2018.1481193

Gotta be honest with you, I don't know anyone that falls into those count categories. Most folks I know, both male and female have substantially higher counts than expressed above.

My brother for example, had utterly ridiculous volumes of sex from his mid-teens through to about his early thirties. Then he got married ... and his marriage tanked. And now he doesn't have sex at all.

Me? Reverse. I generally had select, long term partners as a young man up until my first marriage. That marriage eventually became fraught with sexual issues. Consequently, I made exploring sex a priority post-divorce. And based upon my _research_ many other post divorce women made that same choice. So again, I don't know that calling it success is the right frame of reference.

I know a woman that estimates she has had sex with over 700 different men. So do we celebrate her sexual success? Or do we shame her for being damaged and promiscuous? She's a corporate executive btw ... just to frame the space she occupies.

If you have been married to the same woman for ten years or longer, still manage to smile at one another when you catch each other's glance across the room, and still enjoy being intimate be it once a week, or once a day, I'd put you in the category of sexually successful male.

If you aren't experiencing the sex life, or loving partnership that you had expected or hoped for? 

Welcome to TAM!!!

You're in the right place to sort it out for sure. *Or at least argue about it*


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## heartsbeating

ConanHub said:


> Seriously? Ugh. I'm going to bed and hope this goes away.....


...you inspired a thread! Roll with it, s'all good.


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## tech-novelist

Blondilocks said:


> Men:circle:; when they're not measuring ****s, they're counting notches on the bed post.
> 
> I just realized: tech-novelist is older than moi:surprise:.


I suspect I'm older than almost everyone else on this board.


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## tech-novelist

Deejo said:


> If you have been married to the same woman for ten years or longer, still manage to smile at one another when you catch each other's glance across the room, and still enjoy being intimate be it once a week, or once a day, I'd put you in the category of sexually successful male.


Raises hand. :grin2:


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## ConanHub

I am really uncertain about this and it seems highly suspect. If it is taken in a spirit of fun, ok.

I use the word successful to communicate what most might consider success. Looking back, I am envious of those who have only been with the same one their whole life.

I was with about 60 women before meeting Mrs. Conan at age 20.

I turned away most otherwise it could have reached multiple hundreds.

Mrs. C and I had sex 30+ times over the first week we met. She was in my bed less than 8 hours after meeting me.

We have been very active throughout our time together with a small speed bump maybe 8 years ago that involved meddling and bitter church ladies.

To this day, Mrs. C will get naked if I even look at her sensually and is down for it every day.:wink2::smile2:


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## EllisRedding

Deejo said:


> If you have been married to the same woman for ten years or longer, still manage to smile at one another when you catch each other's glance across the room, and still enjoy being intimate be it once a week, or once a day, I'd put you in the category of sexually successful male.


IMO, the above is a great metric to measure success. I personally see no value in a number count as bedding a lot of people I don't really consider any sort of success (keep in mind, since my W and i have been together since college we both have a low single digit count, so numbers have very little relevance to us). Are you able to maintain a healthy sex life in a long term relationship (which I would argue is the most challenging thing to do). If so, then that is success in my books, not dropping your pants for as many different people as possible.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I've just briefly read so far. Yes, multiple components would seem to make up the "number rating" for success.

Some key components I've skimmed folks have mentioned, I've got a couple more that may go into the equation, when I've got a few more minutes. 

An interesting topic 😎😎


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## 269370

tech-novelist said:


> I suspect I'm older than almost everyone else on this board.



The soul stays young forever! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

tech-novelist said:


> This was inspired by a post by @ConanHub about his being one of the more sexually successful men on TAM.
> 
> 
> 
> So I was wondering how successful that would have to be and how it would be measured.
> 
> 
> 
> Number of partners, lengths of relationships, or what?



Percentage of alcohol involved perhaps?

Do these have to all be conscious and animate subjects/objects? What about curious/promiscuous relatives? 

Just making sure I’m not leaving anything out during the preparation of my dissertation...



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## TheDudeLebowski

@Andy1001


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## ConanHub

TheDudeLebowski said:


> @Andy1001


My thoughts but didn't want to call anyone out.:wink2:


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

InMyPrime said:


> Percentage of alcohol involved perhaps?
> 
> Do these have to all be conscious and animate subjects/objects? What about curious/promiscuous relatives?
> 
> Just making sure I’m not leaving anything out during the preparation of my dissertation...
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


An algorithm to provide an overall "successfull rating" number may include such data;

Obvious: quantity, overall type of women, age of women, "hotness number" each woman, (more)?

Not first thought obvious: 
Environments of pick up (although man can put himself in these environments).
How contact is made (again, can depend on man's putting himself in said target area),
Successful initial encounter and following requests of women for "more please" over days, weeks, months providing more volume,
Multiple women in one night extra points, other extra points ratings,
Referrals from had women to other women and other women ask for a "date/encounter also extra points.
Ltrs as in keeping hot sex going over months, years, etc.

There are more data points I'm sure to "put in equation bowl and mix", then out pops a number.

Unless someone narrows the question parameters?


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## 269370

It's funny, the OP is asking what measures are to be used to define 'sexual success', yet the responses seem to indicate that men have already decided they are 'successful', using their own metrics 

Confidence is everything as they say! You have got to be in it, to win it! 

And my favourite saying for the day: Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhoea, and something called: relationships! :toast:


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

PS the above is purely from an analysis standpoint, not to show any personal or intentional perceived lack of respect for women. 
👍👍


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## EllisRedding

InMyPrime said:


> It's funny, the OP is asking what measures are to be used to define 'sexual success', yet the responses seem to indicate that men have already decided they are 'successful', using their own metrics


Very true, but really because there is no set metric.

I remember in college there was a guy who when he turned 21 had slept with his 21st person (made it known, I guess this was a big accomplishment). From what I knew of the guy, he had never really been in any sort of relationships, so for all I know he had only had sex 21 times with 21 different women. Maybe he had to go to great lengths and put a lot of work in for this, IDK? From his standpoint though, I am sure he considered this success. Meanwhile, I was having sex with my GF frequently, not a whole lot of effort needed, no need to play games, etc... Who was more successful, depends on your own metrics.


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## 269370

EllisRedding said:


> Very true, but really because there is no set metric.
> 
> I remember in college there was a guy who when he turned 21 had slept with his 21st person (made it known, I guess this was a big accomplishment). From what I knew of the guy, he had never really been in any sort of relationships, so for all I know he had only had sex 21 times with 21 different women. Maybe he had to go to great lengths and put a lot of work in for this, IDK? From his standpoint though, I am sure he considered this success. Meanwhile, I was having sex with my GF frequently, not a whole lot of effort needed, no need to play games, etc... Who was more successful, depends on your own metrics.


Everyone has a type. People select by types. There are some types that go for frequent, casual encounters (on both sides). There's nothing wrong with that. But all it means is that you had sex with one *type* of woman. And that you are the type that those types of women would go for. Again, nothing wrong with that. But 'success'? I dunno, some might consider it a handicap or not being able to select satisfactorily, by constant partner switching. (I don't, people can do what they like).

Also it's not like any effort goes into it: women do all the 'leg-work' so to speak. You have to just lie back and enjoy it. I know because it takes a lot more effort to deflect, keep your head straight and figure out what it is you want out of life, instead of getting distracted by hungry . It sure is a nice ego boost though when you _know_ that women DO want you, all the time. 

I would never have met my wife though if I let the situation get out of control early on. Her type would also never go for casual sex type.
I don’t consider myself successful by this metric, I consider myself mostly lucky and remember it every time I look at her.

From genetic point of view, Ghenkis Khan must have been the most successful, since everyone seems to contain some of his DNA.

Whatever makes one happy and feel good about themselves goes, me thinks. :iagree:


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## personofinterest

BioFury said:


> I think I'll have to take the gold on this one. A girl totally blew me a kiss earlier this month <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_devil.png" border="0" alt="" title="Devil" ></a>
> 
> *contented sigh* I know. Don't be jealous <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>


You joke, but I'll take someone like you who saved it from a 200 notch guy any day. Or I would have before any marriages.

I think it's funny how the assumption is more notches=successful over 1 woman for a lifetime.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

tech-novelist said:


> Raises hand. :grin2:


And another.0


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## ConanHub

personofinterest said:


> You joke, but I'll take someone like you who saved it from a 200 notch guy any day. Or I would have before any marriages.
> 
> I think it's funny how the assumption is more notches=successful over 1 woman for a lifetime.


It's always pleasant to be asked a question or offer input based on life experiences and then get knocked for it.


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## OnTheFly

Chuck71 said:


> One partner for me...... but the female has many personalities. Maybe around 100.


Same.....except for that second part!!


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## 269370

ConanHub said:


> It's always pleasant to be asked a question or offer input based on life experiences and then get knocked for it.


I thought you were going to bed? (to gather more evidence for the research you are conducting...) :wink2:

It's all in good spirits! :absolut: :absolut: :absolut:


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## OnTheFly

OnTheFly said:


> Same*.....except for that second part!!*


I hope the bolded part didn't make it seem like I was poking fun....more an expression of shock, dismay, and sympathy.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

ConanHub said:


> It's always pleasant to be asked a question or offer input based on life experiences and then get knocked for it.


Irony does live here at times! 🙄🙄😁😁


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## ConanHub

Yeah. I'm actually feeling sick to my stomach now.

Going to give this place a rest for a day.

Take care TAMmers!


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## Robbie1234

@Andy1001 we are waiting.........


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## 269370

Robbie1234 said:


> @Andy1001 we are waiting.........



I think his computer probably crashed. Theres no way his computer can process those kinds of numbers...quantum cumputing is the answer!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## BluesPower

Faithful Wife said:


> I’m going to need signed affidavits for all of the notches on each mans bed post, to verify their claims.
> 
> Pictures optional but encouraged.


Yeah, that is going to be real hard because I would and have never answered that question. 

I am not 100% sure anyway what the number is, there was some drinking involved...


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## Mr. Nail

There are a few good answers to this one.
A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.
Success is defined by how I feel about how I filled the goals that I chose.
It's really none of your concern.
And of course "no"

I saw the inspiring post, and I thought it smelled a bit of over ripe machismo.
I'm not going to read the rest.


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## TheDudeLebowski

I'm broke, short, not muscular, and ugly. Why does my wife stick around? I got that good D.


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## In Absentia

I managed to keep the same woman for 33 years (the age of Christ), that's a success? :laugh:


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## EllisRedding

In Absentia said:


> I managed to keep the same woman for 33 years (the age of Christ), that's a success? :laugh:


Well, it depends, was she locked in your basement? >


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## Lila

My pastor had the best quote relative to this topic. He said "Romance needs exclusivity not experience". Totally agree.


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## Lila

Chuck71 said:


> One partner for me...... but the female has many personalities. Maybe around 100.


Fantastic answer!!!! I'm using it if ever asked this question.


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## In Absentia

EllisRedding said:


> Well, it depends, was she locked in your basement? >


I wish! :grin2:


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## Tilted 1

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I'm broke, short, not muscular, and ugly. Why does my wife stick around? I got that good D.


Awesome thanks l needed that.


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## MEM2020

To see how easily wisdom triumphs over competitiveness, one need only read the post below....




Deejo said:


> This subject may have a very brief shelf life depending upon how it plays out.
> 
> I think the concept of 'sexual success' in itself can be thorny.
> 
> The average reported number of partners by men that is easily accessible via google still sits at between 5 and 7. Conversely, women tend to report lower ... generally 4 partners, which presents an inherent issue in the numbers reported between men and women. People tend to believe that men over-report, and women under-report.
> 
> https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2018.1481193
> 
> Gotta be honest with you, I don't know anyone that falls into those count categories. Most folks I know, both male and female have substantially higher counts than expressed above.
> 
> My brother for example, had utterly ridiculous volumes of sex from his mid-teens through to about his early thirties. Then he got married ... and his marriage tanked. And now he doesn't have sex at all.
> 
> Me? Reverse. I generally had select, long term partners as a young man up until my first marriage. That marriage eventually became fraught with sexual issues. Consequently, I made exploring sex a priority post-divorce. And based upon my _research_ many other post divorce women made that same choice. So again, I don't know that calling it success is the right frame of reference.
> 
> I know a woman that estimates she has had sex with over 700 different men. So do we celebrate her sexual success? Or do we shame her for being damaged and promiscuous? She's a corporate executive btw ... just to frame the space she occupies.
> 
> If you have been married to the same woman for ten years or longer, still manage to smile at one another when you catch each other's glance across the room, and still enjoy being intimate be it once a week, or once a day, I'd put you in the category of sexually successful male.
> 
> If you aren't experiencing the sex life, or loving partnership that you had expected or hoped for?
> 
> Welcome to TAM!!!
> 
> You're in the right place to sort it out for sure. *Or at least argue about it*


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## BioFury

personofinterest said:


> You joke, but I'll take someone like you who saved it from a 200 notch guy any day. Or I would have before any marriages.
> 
> I think it's funny how the assumption is more notches=successful over 1 woman for a lifetime.


I tend to believe the metric is backwards as well. But I think a definition everyone can agree on is:

A sexually successful man is one who's wife loves and respects him, and still rocks his world, years, or even better, decades, later. Often, faithfully, and with relish.


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## Blondilocks

ConanHub said:


> Yeah. I'm actually feeling sick to my stomach now.
> 
> Going to give this place a rest for a day.
> 
> Take care TAMmers!


Conan, as an *adult* you have had sex with one woman. Maturity counts.


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## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> My thoughts but didn't want to call anyone out.:wink2:


I’ve had sex with just one woman for the last eight years. 
Anything before that is subject to the Statute Of Limitations. 0


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

And would intentions matter?

I originally believed, very early, one doesn't try to poke a girl you truly care deeply for, then three girls showed me differently in my early teens, so after that I thought (and rightly so, for then and now) that girls would pass you by if you "wouldn't because you respected" them when sexual opportunities arose.

So you'd lose them for any ltr chances (as for what's a long time in a teenager's life, anyway). So I poked on demand after I was shown the error of my ways, then.

So in late teens early 20s it was all comers, if they were good looking, and includes one night stands, repeat customers, several regulars at once, plus hitting clubs for new "friends" like three times a week for couple years. 

But like 95% became regulars, and had no issues telling me their stories, and how to have great sex in wildly varying ways and being young I soaked it up.

I lived to go to target rich environments just to see what I could do, and it was the same. From secretaries, to legal secretaries, financial professionals, all those in sexy dresses, loved to let loose with a hot guy, and nothing was too far out to some of these women.

I thought that there was nothing wrong as long as she was the one deciding if we'd get together, I believed hey, they know better than I do, I was just a young man from the sticks. 

Even women referred to call me, from other women, and although I knew it was for one thing, I figured hey, they know more than I so ok. From professional women to cashiers to sisters. All comers, no worries. Once they knew I didn't kiss and tell, I was a safe "date". This was the 70s and 80s.

I started to realize, after one club met very nice young lady, who put back in my mind that although she was a same night club sleepover, that some women still wanted the deeper relationship. She was a school teacher, a very hot school teacher, but now I was swinging back in my thinking. I didn't intend to be so active I was starting to realize. 

It was common to be sleeping with two to four women at a time, at that time. 

So I cut out most regulars, but kept meeting new, but would have the talk, if it was nothing but sex and great nights out, here and there. 

But still dated two to four at a time, but now with at least considering one may turn into a deeper relationship. Before, never considered it, never wanted it, one strike from a woman and she was dead to me.

But I swung back to hey there may be deeper relationships out there, a year later met DW, now we're married over 30 yrs.

I say all this not to show how many, how frequent, but to show sometimes man does what women want and the next thing you know counts skyrocket without thinking. 

Later I regretted some, some not, but I like to think I came full circle and got squared away again. 

Keeping a woman happy in an ltr is the best. Teamwork in life and all that.

I married mine. 😍😍


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And would intentions matter?
> 
> I originally believed, very early, one doesn't try to poke a girl you truly care deeply for, then three girls showed me differently in my early teens, so after that I thought (and rightly so, for then and now) that girls would pass you by if you "wouldn't because you respected" them when sexual opportunities arose.
> 
> So you'd lose them for any ltr chances (as for what's a long time in a teenager's life, anyway). So I poked on demand after I was shown the error of my ways, then.
> 😍😍


Poke often and poke early. Make a point to poke as quick as possible. Poke many and keep poking, until you meet a pokee that shows resistance to early poking... those are the ones you consider for ltr's. The quick pokees and just for fun.


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## Marduk

I don’t get what the point of this thread is.

I could have one partner my whole life, and have amazing sex thousands of times.

I could have hundreds of partners, and have mediocre sex hundreds of times.

Which one one is more successful?


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## Diana7

tech-novelist said:


> This was inspired by a post by @ConanHub about his being one of the more sexually successful men on TAM.
> 
> So I was wondering how successful that would have to be and how it would be measured.
> 
> Number of partners, lengths of relationships, or what?


What does sexually successful even mean? Men who have had the most casual sex? I think my husband is the most sexually successful man. Never had sex outside marriage.


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## Diana7

Marduk said:


> I don’t get what the point of this thread is.
> 
> I could have one partner my whole life, and have amazing sex thousands of times.
> 
> I could have hundreds of partners, and have mediocre sex hundreds of times.
> 
> Which one one is more successful?


The first.


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## heartsbeating

Deejo said:


> If you have been married to the same woman for ten years or longer, still manage to smile at one another when you catch each other's glance across the room, and still enjoy being intimate be it once a week, or once a day, I'd put you in the category of sexually successful male.


Perhaps with every sexually successful male, is an equally sexually successful spouse.




Deejo said:


> If you aren't experiencing the sex life, or loving partnership that you had expected or hoped for?
> 
> Welcome to TAM!!!
> 
> You're in the right place to sort it out for sure. *Or at least argue about it*


...which doesn't denote being unsuccessful, just part of the journey.

For what it's worth Conan, I don't take issue with what you wrote or how you view yourself. An old adage come to mind, 'You do you, boo'.


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## just got it 55

tech-novelist said:


> This was inspired by a post by @ConanHub about his being one of the more sexually successful men on TAM.
> 
> So I was wondering how successful that would have to be and how it would be measured.
> 
> Number of partners, lengths of relationships, or what?


My Boys are the best Swinners EVAH I have 4 Offspring and had Sex 4 times in my life

That gives me a better completion record than Tom Brady Roger Staubach Joe Montana Johnny U and all the rest of the greats

:grin2:

55


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## ConanHub

It's interesting. When I came across TAM about 6 years ago, I was researching female infidelity in an effort to help a friend who had his wife cheat and I was trying to make sure he didn't kill himself like another friend I had who had no help when his wife did it.

I was very grateful for the experience and collective wisdom and TAM helped me in part to help my friend get through it as a mostly healthy man.

I also found all the other stuff besides infidelity interesting and sometimes helpful.

Several things never occurred to me before coming here.

I had forgotten my partner count for the most part, I thought I was a regular joe just like anyone else and I didn't realize just how hard it was for so many and just how good I had it.

I posted truthfully, not really considering if it rubbed someone the wrong way. I hoped to add data just like anyone and hopefully someone could make use of it at least for research.

I've learned a lot and applied a lot to my life and even worked some demons out.

Something should be clear however,. I never thought I was anything different from anyone else.

TAM knocked that notion out of my head, over and over.

It is by TAM standards that I have been considered sexually successful.

Some members do measure by numbers, check 

Some by hottness level of partners, check.

Some by quality of sex, check.

Some by frequency and quality of sex with your spouse, check.

Some by women reacting sexually favorably towards you having just met or being the aggressor, check.

That's TAM.. I'm sure there are other categories and I can probably check off a box or two there as well.

I share my experience in the hopes of helping and sometimes I'm just trying to be compassionate or to have empathy even though a lot of what goes on with folks here doesn't touch me in real life, never has and probably never will.
I still try and communicate and help or just have fun like anyone or just get some interesting input for research myself and occasionally, I even get help.

I didn't post this thread. I groaned and seriously wondered what the hell was going on.

I almost considered asking that it be taken down but I saw a couple of posters that I both like and respect having a good time with it so I went along with it in good faith, just wanting to get along and maybe it would be a fun thread after all?

Instead of people just going with the goofy theme of the thread, criticisms came and the inevitable disdain for my past and wonderfully negative assumptions about "my machismo" which couldn't be farther from the truth as far as my intentions go.

I have usually sparred with wit, humor and sometimes the equivalent of internet knuckles when this has happened before but I'm trying to grow past some of my problems and I don't feel like sparring when someone hurts me anymore.

Some people have really hurt me in the past few days.

I don't have bad intentions. If something comes across wrong to you, just ask about it.

I've never claimed to be proud of everything in my life but I talk about it. It's just facts.

I wish I had a normal life but, like Val Kilmer said,. "There is no normal life. There is just life."

Peace and health folks.


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## Marduk

Hurt you how?


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## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> Hurt you how?


I feel set up here. This thread should have been goofy or fun where THE MEN of TAM talked about being sexually successful. No parameters. They could have said anything they wanted to about themselves without knocking anyone else.

I'm not going to drone on about it and I was really hurt on another thread but this felt like a set up and some did decide to take a swing, either directly or knocking my past as a pretty poor way of marking success.

Be nice if this stupid thread wasn't posted in the first place and just as nice if people would just have fun without expressing disdain for stuff anyone else posted.

This isn't a serious thread. No one needs to be knocking anyone else down for their own stories and histories.


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## Marduk

ConanHub said:


> I feel set up here. This thread should have been goofy or fun where THE MEN of TAM talked about being sexually successful. No parameters. They could have said anything they wanted to about themselves without knocking anyone else.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not going to drone on about it and I was really hurt on another thread but this felt like a set up and some did decide to take a swing, either directly or knocking my past as a pretty poor way of marking success.
> 
> 
> 
> Be nice if this stupid thread wasn't posted in the first place and just as nice if people would just have fun without expressing disdain for stuff anyone else posted.
> 
> 
> 
> This isn't a serious thread. No one needs to be knocking anyone else down for their own stories and histories.



My first time was with an extremely experienced girl. I was either 14 or had just turned 15. She was a year or two older than me, and I lied about my age and being a virgin. 

I didn’t last long enough for her to get my pants off. She figured things out real quick. And she had been extremely promiscuous. 

But she taught me things. So many things. By the end of that summer, I was basically a 15 year old porn star that knew stuff I just should never have known, including how to get a girl to basically do whatever you wanted, willingly. Hell, she once made out with her friend and let me watch, just as a lesson on how girls anatomy works. 

After we broke up, I shied away from girls. They were too easy, too inexperienced, too boring. Too clingy. I always regretted breaking their hearts, so I only slept with a handful of girls in high school by choice. Well, maybe a couple of handfuls if you include fooling around. But I kind of avoided it. Which is weird for a guy that age to say. 

My friends didn’t believe me about women. They thought I was making this **** up. Until I got a girl to give me a BJ on the dance floor in front of them. A girl that basically nobody could get to do anything. 

I’m not gloating, I’m actually embarrassed about it now. I didn’t coerce her by any means, but I did know how to rev her up so she would do anything. 

The weird thing is, that became kind of my thing after that - getting “good” girls to want to do very bad things. 

It’s also how I ended up in my first marriage - she was one of those good girls, years later. Boy, did she turn out not to be a good girl. But maybe that’s why she ended up so angry with me - she wanted to see herself as a good girl and I brought out other things in her. She always went back and forth between acting like a virgin and acting like... not a virgin. 

Anyway, the good thing was that I learned at an early age how to turn a woman on and get her off. Many girls benefited from this early training. The bad thing was that the mystery of it was gone. And I never cared about notches in bedposts, and I never cared about how experienced girls were. In fact, I learned the lesson well to avoid girls that were too inexperienced.


----------



## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> I feel set up here. This thread should have been goofy or fun where THE MEN of TAM talked about being sexually successful. No parameters. They could have said anything they wanted to about themselves without knocking anyone else.
> 
> I'm not going to drone on about it and I was really hurt on another thread but this felt like a set up and some did decide to take a swing, either directly or knocking my past as a pretty poor way of marking success.
> 
> Be nice if this stupid thread wasn't posted in the first place and just as nice if people would just have fun without expressing disdain for stuff anyone else posted.
> 
> This isn't a serious thread. No one needs to be knocking anyone else down for their own stories and histories.


You were set up all right. The problem with trying to discuss your previous partner count on tam is that while some people are genuinely offended at the idea of having sex with lots of people, others are jealous but hide behind religious or moral comments.
It’s easy enough to keep yourself “pure” for your future wife or husband if no one is interested in dating or sleeping with you anyway. If you are hot, date regularly and keep your virginity then kudos. 

You said you had sixty previous partners?
Amateur!! 😜


----------



## 269370

ConanHub said:


> Something should be clear however,. I never thought I was anything different from anyone else.
> 
> 
> 
> TAM knocked that notion out of my head, over and over.
> 
> 
> 
> It is by TAM standards that I have been considered sexually successful.



You are normal, partner count means nothing as you found out. Nobody is impressed by it, so don’t worry about it, it’s all good!

If anything, it’s ‘TAM standards’ that are not normal, where people will have issues.
What’s slightly not normal is how thin-skinned/sensitive you can be.

It’s when you start sentences with stuff like, “watch out, you are talking to a Chad here”, “I don’t know if you realised, but I’m considered a real alpha by everyone”, “watch out, I have been the most sexually successful man here on TAM”, and people might find it a little bit funny and make a joke about (all in good fun), then you get so offended. It’s good not to take oneself too seriously; if you have any issues, I’m sure nobody would ever throw that at you. 
But having a high partner count and having 60 women throw themselves at you is not a tragedy my man!





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding

ConanHub said:


> I feel set up here. This thread should have been goofy or fun where THE MEN of TAM talked about being sexually successful. No parameters. They could have said anything they wanted to about themselves without knocking anyone else.
> 
> I'm not going to drone on about it and I was really hurt on another thread but this felt like a set up and some did decide to take a swing, either directly or knocking my past as a pretty poor way of marking success.
> 
> Be nice if this stupid thread wasn't posted in the first place and just as nice if people would just have fun without expressing disdain for stuff anyone else posted.
> 
> This isn't a serious thread. No one needs to be knocking anyone else down for their own stories and histories.


Man, I must've really missed a lot here of late since I try to stay away from TAM for the most part (for a variety of reasons). Honestly, nothing new here, there will always be a segment of TAM that is very judgmental, but in all fairness, that is now what the internet has become, this isn't something specific to TAM. 

I honestly still don't really see the purpose of the thread since as has been stated, everyone will have their own metric. There has always been this idea or underlying theme in society that a sexually successful man is one who beds a lot of women. Meh, I think this idea is ridiculous, others may agree or disagree, but at the end of the day who cares lol.


----------



## Diana7

Andy1001 said:


> You were set up all right. The problem with trying to discuss your previous partner count on tam is that while some people are genuinely offended at the idea of having sex with lots of people, others are jealous but hide behind religious or moral comments.
> It’s easy enough to keep yourself “pure” for your future wife or husband if no one is interested in dating or sleeping with you anyway. If you are hot, date regularly and keep your virginity then kudos.
> 
> You said you had sixty previous partners?
> Amateur!! 😜


Its not jealousy, its just that many have different opinions of what being 'successful' sexually is. For some its the one who has had sex with the most people, for others its having meaningful sex with those they truly love and are committed to.


----------



## Diana7

EllisRedding said:


> Man, I must've really missed a lot here of late since I try to stay away from TAM for the most part (for a variety of reasons). Honestly, nothing new here, there will always be a segment of TAM that is very judgmental, but in all fairness, that is now what the internet has become, this isn't something specific to TAM.
> 
> I honestly still don't really see the purpose of the thread since as has been stated, everyone will have their own metric. There has always been this idea or underlying theme in society that a sexually successful man is one who beds a lot of women. Meh, I think this idea is ridiculous, others may agree or disagree, but at the end of the day who cares lol.


I agree with you, but why do people think its being judgemental to state your own case? We can disagree without being accused of judging. After all Andy 'judged' those who haven't has many sexual partners implying that they couldn't get a partner which is clearly wrong in my experience. I also know many non religious people who have had very few sexual partners and some even who married their one and only sexual partner.


----------



## EllisRedding

Diana7 said:


> I agree with you, but why do people think its being judgemental to state your own case? We can disagree without being accused of judging. After all Andy 'judged' those who haven't has many sexual partners implying that they couldn't get a partner which is clearly wrong in my experience. I also know many non religious people who have had very few sexual partners and some even who married their one and only sexual partner.


I think there is a difference, and in part since we are doing this all online and not in person, it sometimes gets misinterpreted. 

For example, let's say I post that IMO I don't believe partner count means anything, that is my opinion, not being judgmental (which is what I stated here). Now, let's say if every time someone posts about their count I feel the need to respond that it doesn't matter, well, than I am very much being judgmental as I am clearly trying to stuff my opinion on someone else. You can give your opinion without putting down others who have differing opinions, but for some people unfortunately they are unable to separate the two.

At the end of the day though, this is just some forum, talking to random people who I will never actually meet or have any impact in my life. So using your example, if Andy thinks I am some sort of sexual noob b/c I have a low partner count, who gives a ****


----------



## ConanHub

EllisRedding said:


> Man, I must've really missed a lot here of late since I try to stay away from TAM for the most part (for a variety of reasons). Honestly, nothing new here, there will always be a segment of TAM that is very judgmental, but in all fairness, that is now what the internet has become, this isn't something specific to TAM.
> 
> I honestly still don't really see the purpose of the thread since as has been stated, everyone will have their own metric. There has always been this idea or underlying theme in society that a sexually successful man is one who beds a lot of women. Meh, I think this idea is ridiculous, others may agree or disagree, but at the end of the day who cares lol.


I could just boil it down to the fact that my ladies almost never turned me down and are actually eager initiators most of the time. I'm not a numbers guy. I didn't pay attention to it until coming here.


I think my personal parameters for success are the fact that my partners are really eager to shed their clothes and often.

I do wish my wife was the only person ever on the list.

We are pushing towards the three decade mark (28 years since our first date). She couldn't wait to dine at chateau Conan then and she still loves eating there to this day.:smile2:

We only had the one interruption for a couple months.


----------



## notmyjamie

ConanHub said:


> We are pushing towards the three decade mark (28 years since our first date). She couldn't wait to dine at chateau Conan then and she still loves eating there to this day.:smile2:


And that, in my opinion, is what makes you successful Conan!!! You're a lucky guy and so is your wife. :smile2:


----------



## ConanHub

notmyjamie said:


> And that, in my opinion, is what makes you successful Conan!!! You're a lucky guy and so is your wife. :smile2:


Thank you!:smile2:


----------



## Diana7

EllisRedding said:


> I think there is a difference, and in part since we are doing this all online and not in person, it sometimes gets misinterpreted.
> 
> For example, let's say I post that IMO I don't believe partner count means anything, that is my opinion, not being judgmental (which is what I stated here). Now, let's say if every time someone posts about their count I feel the need to respond that it doesn't matter, well, than I am very much being judgmental as I am clearly trying to stuff my opinion on someone else. You can give your opinion without putting down others who have differing opinions, but for some people unfortunately they are unable to separate the two.
> 
> At the end of the day though, this is just some forum, talking to random people who I will never actually meet or have any impact in my life. So using your example, if Andy thinks I am some sort of sexual noob b/c I have a low partner count, who gives a ****


Not sure I have seen anyone on this thread judging anyone, but just stating what being successful sexually means to them. Going back to what Andy said, anyone these days with the internet can find someone to have sex with, its nothing to do with who is and isn't attractive any more.


----------



## Andy1001

Diana7 said:


> Its not jealousy, its just that many have different opinions of what being 'successful' sexually is. For some its the one who has had sex with the most people, for others its having meaningful sex with those they truly love and are committed to.


Diana if you bothered to read my post before pronouncing judgement you would see that what I wrote was some people are GENUINELY offended while some people try to hide their jealousy by trying to APPEAR offended on moral or religious grounds. 
Once again you take a line or two from a post and base your theories on that without taking the entire comment into consideration.


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> Not sure I have seen anyone on this thread judging anyone, but just stating what being successful sexually means to them. Going back to what Andy said, anyone these days with the internet can find someone to have sex with, its nothing to do with who is and isn't attractive any more.


Just a correction because I don't like false facts thrown around.

All my single escapades took place way before Al Gore invented the internet.:smile2:

You and I will never see eye to eye but facts should be straight.:wink2:


----------



## EllisRedding

ConanHub said:


> All my single escapades took place way before Al Gore invented the internet.:smile2:


So what we did together online doesn't count :scratchhead::redcard::crazy::wtf::slap:>


----------



## ConanHub

EllisRedding said:


> So what we did together online doesn't count :scratchhead::redcard::crazy::wtf::slap:>


I'm married and it isn't right. We should have never started it but it's time to end it.>:wink2:


----------



## Marduk

ConanHub said:


> Just a correction because I don't like false facts thrown around.
> 
> 
> 
> All my single escapades took place way before Al Gore invented the internet.:smile2:
> 
> 
> 
> You and I will never see eye to eye but facts should be straight.:wink2:




Ok I tried to distract people, that didn’t work.


----------



## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> Ok I tried to distract people, that didn’t work.


Nudes man. Nudes always distract!:grin2:


----------



## EllisRedding

Marduk said:


> Ok I tried to distract people, that didn’t work.


Oh yeah, welcome back Marduk!


----------



## Blondilocks

Marduk said:


> Ok I tried to distract people, that didn’t work.


It didn't work because you didn't provide details. It's all in the details, man. Curious minds want to know (I'm not curious so don't spill for my benefit).>


----------



## 269370

ConanHub said:


> We have been very active throughout our time together with a small speed bump maybe 8 years ago that involved meddling and bitter church ladies.



I want to know what happened with those church ladies! Did they ‘pray’ on you?  
The church ladies can be so kinky...oh Jesus.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## oldtruck

Casual Observer said:


> Shouldn’t a measure of success be how few women a guy has been with, combined with above-average frequency? A lot of women could imply discontent with his skills.


No because there are the men that get laid by a new hot one almost every night.
Rock stars, professional athletes, actors, very famous, very wealthy.
Essentially those that have unlimited willing groupies.

After a that many the women skills have to of been acquired. However they do
not keep one woman because they do not want to give up that variety.


----------



## CraigBesuden

I guess I would be “unsuccessful.” I turned down lots of opportunities in my single days. There were definitely some great women who were interested in me that I didn’t pursue. Also women I did pursue who weren’t interested.


----------



## SadSamIAm

Sexually successful .....................

1st attempt - 14 years old - Girl took off her shirt - We were fooling around - I got so nervous I became ill and had to throw up - NOT SUCCESSFUL

2nd attempt - 16 years old - Dated THE promiscuous girl - We parked in a field outside town. Had sex. I didn't orgasm. I don't think she did either. When we went to leave, the vehicle was stuck and we had to walk two miles back to town - NOT SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY

3rd attempt - 16-17 years old - Wasn't really an attempt at all. Girl was convinced to remain a virgin. We did everything but intercourse. Strange but I considered this SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY

4th attempt - 17 - 18 years old - Fell in love. Lots of great sex. SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY (until she broke my heart)

5th - 20th attempts - Was trying to mend my broken heart. Slept with maybe 15 different girls. Some good memories but I don't consider the time being SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY

21st attempt - Moved away and met my now wife (married 30 years).
- First 7 years sexually VERY SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY
- Next 10 years (children) - SOMEWHAT SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY
- Next 10 years (teenagers) - NOT SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY
- Last couple of years (empty nesters) - FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY again


I consider the time that I was most sexually promiscuous to be the least successful time. Strange but true.


----------



## Faithful Wife

@ConanHub I am sorry this thread hurt your feelings. I did not think you were being mocked, I actually thought you were being admired. And then it was interesting reading other people’s reports, too.

When people seem to get on your case I just ignore them. You are sincere and kind and here to help us. If they don’t like how successful you have been, that’s ok. They lived their lives and so did you. Your life experiences are valuable to all of us.


----------



## Robbie1234

oldtruck said:


> No because there are the men that get laid by a new hot one almost every night.
> Rock stars, professional athletes, actors, very famous, very wealthy.
> Essentially those that have unlimited willing groupies.
> 
> After a that many the women skills have to of been acquired. However they do
> not keep one woman because they do not want to give up that variety.


I admit I would have loved to have been able to attract lots of beautiful women when I was younger but I couldn't so I had to lower my expectations. I know now that I settled for my first wife because she was pretty and she was the best looking girlfriend I ever had. 
She cheated on me by having at least two affairs and I am almost sure there were more. 
When guys like Andy and Conan are criticized for their past promiscuity especially by men I think to myself how many of these guys would have turned down the chance if they got it especially when they were young. 
I know Conan regrets his past but is this because he now has children and grandchildren and wouldn't like them to behave like him or to be treated like he treated his exes. 
Andy kind of played down his past but then made a joke about it. I wonder in twenty years from now will be regret his past. 
Hindsight is a great thing.


----------



## ConanHub

Robbie1234 said:


> I admit I would have loved to have been able to attract lots of beautiful women when I was younger but I couldn't so I had to lower my expectations. I know now that I settled for my first wife because she was pretty and she was the best looking girlfriend I ever had.
> She cheated on me by having at least two affairs and I am almost sure there were more.
> When guys like Andy and Conan are criticized for their past promiscuity especially by men I think to myself how many of these guys would have turned down the chance if they got it especially when they were young.
> I know Conan regrets his past but is this because he now has children and grandchildren and wouldn't like them to behave like him or to be treated like he treated his exes.
> Andy kind of played down his past but then made a joke about it. I wonder in twenty years from now will be regret his past.
> Hindsight is a great thing.


I had a damaged past. I never really wanted anything but one woman to love.

My environment showed me a different world view. At the time I met my wife, I was 20, not planning to make it to 30 and I didn't believe love existed outside of fairy tales.


----------



## Robbie1234

ConanHub said:


> I had a damaged past. I never really wanted anything but one woman to love.
> 
> My environment showed me a different world view. At the time I met my wife, I was 20, not planning to make it to 30 and I didn't believe love existed outside of fairy tales.


When I read your postings I always think of you and @Andy1001 as kind of alike but this post points in a different direction. Other than success with women you aren't really like each other at all. You both joke about old girlfriends but there is an underlying sadness in what you just wrote. But as you said earlier you are in your late fifties and he's in his mid thirties so there is that.


----------



## Deejo

@ConanHub, you and I don't interact a whole lot on the boards. But I feel compelled to tell you that I quite frequently find tremendous value in your posts. I know you had it very rough when you were young. I know you have a vibrant marriage now. I know you have a 'code'. I know you are a good man. We have lots of good men here. And we have many who want to learn about being a good man. I was in that category back in 08 and 09.

You can find my threads peppered all over the place. I authored the Sticky in the Clubhouse (cripes, years ago even before I was a mod) when I was well grounded in that journey.

I began the whole 'be a better man, and be a better partner (formerly referred to a Manning Up)' journey fully entrenched in the, "it's all utter horses*&t." camp. Needless to say, that is no longer my perspective. 

I have learned more from contributors to this board over the last decade, then I learned from ANY source, father, friends, mentors, books about love, life, women and self in my first 45 years.

Let me just bottom line my point; don't change a thing about the way, or what you choose to post ... (unless it collides with the forum rules of course). The personal anecdotes you share are your experience. You don't have much control over how someone interprets them, but I think it's important you know that I'm sure others than myself find them informative, honest, and valuable.. whether somebody likes the content is immaterial. If it's your truth ... it's powerful.

So ... thanks for sharing. And hope you continue to do so.



ConanHub said:


> It's interesting. When I came across TAM about 6 years ago, I was researching female infidelity in an effort to help a friend who had his wife cheat and I was trying to make sure he didn't kill himself like another friend I had who had no help when his wife did it.
> 
> I was very grateful for the experience and collective wisdom and TAM helped me in part to help my friend get through it as a mostly healthy man.
> 
> I also found all the other stuff besides infidelity interesting and sometimes helpful.
> 
> Several things never occurred to me before coming here.
> 
> I had forgotten my partner count for the most part, I thought I was a regular joe just like anyone else and I didn't realize just how hard it was for so many and just how good I had it.
> 
> I posted truthfully, not really considering if it rubbed someone the wrong way. I hoped to add data just like anyone and hopefully someone could make use of it at least for research.
> 
> I've learned a lot and applied a lot to my life and even worked some demons out.
> 
> Something should be clear however,. I never thought I was anything different from anyone else.
> 
> TAM knocked that notion out of my head, over and over.
> 
> It is by TAM standards that I have been considered sexually successful.
> 
> Some members do measure by numbers, check
> 
> Some by hottness level of partners, check.
> 
> Some by quality of sex, check.
> 
> Some by frequency and quality of sex with your spouse, check.
> 
> Some by women reacting sexually favorably towards you having just met or being the aggressor, check.
> 
> That's TAM.. I'm sure there are other categories and I can probably check off a box or two there as well.
> 
> I share my experience in the hopes of helping and sometimes I'm just trying to be compassionate or to have empathy even though a lot of what goes on with folks here doesn't touch me in real life, never has and probably never will.
> I still try and communicate and help or just have fun like anyone or just get some interesting input for research myself and occasionally, I even get help.
> 
> I didn't post this thread. I groaned and seriously wondered what the hell was going on.
> 
> I almost considered asking that it be taken down but I saw a couple of posters that I both like and respect having a good time with it so I went along with it in good faith, just wanting to get along and maybe it would be a fun thread after all?
> 
> Instead of people just going with the goofy theme of the thread, criticisms came and the inevitable disdain for my past and wonderfully negative assumptions about "my machismo" which couldn't be farther from the truth as far as my intentions go.
> 
> I have usually sparred with wit, humor and sometimes the equivalent of internet knuckles when this has happened before but I'm trying to grow past some of my problems and I don't feel like sparring when someone hurts me anymore.
> 
> Some people have really hurt me in the past few days.
> 
> I don't have bad intentions. If something comes across wrong to you, just ask about it.
> 
> I've never claimed to be proud of everything in my life but I talk about it. It's just facts.
> 
> I wish I had a normal life but, like Val Kilmer said,. "There is no normal life. There is just life."
> 
> Peace and health folks.


----------



## ConanHub

Robbie1234 said:


> When I read your postings I always think of you and @Andy1001 as kind of alike but this post points in a different direction. Other than success with women you aren't really like each other at all. You both joke about old girlfriends but there is an underlying sadness in what you just wrote. But as you said earlier you are in your late fifties and he's in his mid thirties so there is that.


I'm actually 48 and I do like to look at the lighter side of things and not take my past too seriously. It helps.

Andy and I both learned a lot about women in multiples. We were from different sides of the tracks.

I might have been a little more like him if raised in a different situation.

We do see eye to eye on a number of issues regardless of our backgrounds.

He seems a lot more polished. I was a bad boy with looks.


----------



## BluesPower

oldtruck said:


> No because there are the men that get laid by a new hot one almost every night.
> Rock stars, professional athletes, actors, very famous, very wealthy.
> Essentially those that have unlimited willing groupies.
> 
> After a that many the women skills have to of been acquired. However they do
> not keep one woman because they do not want to give up that variety.


The thing is that you don't really have to be a rock star, but yeah that makes it easier. 

But unless you are emotionally stunted, it gets old. If you are much past 30 and all you do is sleep around then I say you are emotionally stunted. 

If you are normal, not saying that sleeping around is not fun for a while, I think most people want a real relationship, real love, someone that loves them like no other. 

For me I think that I better than the other, in the long run...


----------



## Marduk

Blondilocks said:


> It didn't work because you didn't provide details. It's all in the details, man. Curious minds want to know (I'm not curious so don't spill for my benefit).>




OK. So let’s fast forward, then. I’m now 16 or so. I get my first real girlfriend. Like a real relationship, I love her, she’s my freaking world.

And she’s a bit of a freak. She had one boyfriend before me, and they didn’t really connect sexually, but she was really into me sexually.

It’s Christmas time. Her parents have a big Christmas party, and nicely they invite me. So I’m hanging out with all these adults, it’s kind of boring but cool to be invited. Her dad was British, and he had this swanky pub set up in his basement. I always loved it, and actually did the same thing in my house. And her dad actually gave me a beer, so that was cool. It was the late 80’s, a different time.

At any rate, once the party was swinging, my girlfriend asked me to come upstairs with her and “look at the Christmas tree.”

So up we go. 

To set the stage, my girlfriend at the time was one of our school’s star athletes. I was a jock myself, a linebacker, played rugby, wrestled, etc, so we kind of fit that way. Anyway, we were both young, (I think she was 17), extremely fit, and, well... horny.

So we go upstairs and look at this tree. And it becomes very apparent that “look at the tree” was “**** in front of the Christmas tree while everyone was downstairs partying.”

So one thing leads to another, and we’re both naked going at it on top of a bunch of the Christmas presents. And stuff is getting vigorous enough that people start to hear banging downstairs. 

Luckily, her sister decided to come upstairs to see what was going on, followed a few steps later by everyone else. So I sprint into the kitchen, my girlfriend sprints to the bathroom. 

Her path, unfortunately, took her right in front of the stairs. So she streaked past everyone walking up the stairs (luckily they were facing away, and even luckier she could sprint almost as fast as me, and I was one of the fastest sprinters in my city). So she was basically a naked female streak and only her sister got a good look at her.

My path to the kitchen was clear, and luckily that’s where the back door was. So I opened the door just as everybody came upstairs to see what the ruckus was, and did a diving barrel roll off their deck into the yard below. Into a snow bank, totally naked. I’m lucky it was snowing hard, I actually buried myself in the snow to stay hidden while people came out on the deck to see why the door just slammed shut.

Our clothes were still under the tree. Her sister had the presence of mind to kick them under a bunch of the now flattened presents so people wouldn’t notice. 

I ran to my car, naked and freezing, and pulled out the spare set of keys my dad made me put in a magnetized case under the bumper. And then I drove home, where all my family was up, stark naked. And proceeded to break into my bedroom, unfortunately breaking my window along the way. I managed not to cut myself too badly as I dove down into my bed, got some clothes on, and came upstairs pretending to have been home the whole time.

Apparently my girlfriend had to spin quite the story about how a bunch of presents were flattened on Christmas morning, and I think her mom knew what was what. It made me coming over for dinner after Christmas quite awkward, though.


----------



## Deejo




----------



## Andy1001

Blondilocks said:


> It didn't work because you didn't provide details. It's all in the details, man. Curious minds want to know (I'm not curious so don't spill for my benefit).>


You’re just asking for a friend yes?


----------



## CraigBesuden

Honestly, although I think I know what the thread means by sexually successful, I don’t really think of that as success.

The guys 50-100 years ago, before DNA testing and child support agencies, who fathered children with lots of women but didn’t support them were successful. The guy who has eight children with one woman is successful. The guy who sleeps with lots of women without fathering any children isn’t really successful in my book. If a person had a business with lots of revenue and a magnificent product but he only brings home $20,000 a year I wouldn’t call that successful.


----------



## Deejo

I think it's also relatively safe to surmise for lots of guys in context, looking back to where they once were, versus where they may be now? Every man wishes he were _a little more successful_ sexually.


I do come at this subject with another perspective. My dear son, 17 is on the autism spectrum. Handsome kid. Growing like a weed. He's taller than me. He has grown leaps and bounds socially. But ... for all of our discussions here on the boards about behavior and attraction when it comes to the opposite sex? 

My son will never have that toolset. I don't state that as a lament or criticism. It's just a simple fact. He will forever be relegated into that category, "Seems like a nice kid/guy, but odd."

He loves kids. Knows he wants a family. But the moment I try to talk to him about girls ... or try to lead him into being comfortable to talk about girls or relationships, he shuts down. Do I hope he will eventually meet someone that will see past the "odd"? I sure do. Does he have the requisite toolset to build and foster a loving relationship and the responsibilities of a marriage? He absolutely does not. 

And I know he isn't alone out there as far as those deficits are concerned. There are plenty of young men who certainly aren't on the autism spectrum that no doubt fall into the same category as my boy.


----------



## Marduk

Deejo said:


> I think it's also relatively safe to surmise for lots of guys in context, looking back to where they once were, versus where they may be now? Every man wishes he were _a little more successful_ sexually.



I actually don’t. There were some women I wished I could have had sex with and didn’t, of course, but in general I said no more than I said yes. Or at least didn’t take opportunities that probably would have been given many times.

I’m pretty happy I walked away from the 3 primary dating years of my life - high school, university, and post-divorce - without STDs, unplanned children, and perhaps most importantly too much heartbreak. I always worried about that.


----------



## ConanHub

Hahaha!!!!! Awesome story!!!! @Marduk

:smthumbup::rofl::lol:


----------



## 269370

You learn to adapt as you go along. I actually worry about people who have it too easy in life (with women or in general). They don't always have to fight, they don't always have to choose. The (skilled) women will spot them and choose *for* them, regardless if it's something the guy even wanted or not...Maybe she tried others but it didn't work out for her. She will come back because she knows he will not ever turn her down. 
It depends. 
The important thing is to figure out what one wants and keep the eyes on that target. And there's no harm in trying things out, if it helps figuring things out.

Of course it's all in proportion but sometimes it's not a bad thing when things don't come too easily.

Also, unless one is planning to move to the Middle East, you only ever just need The One.




Deejo said:


> I think it's also relatively safe to surmise for lots of guys in context, looking back to where they once were, versus where they may be now? Every man wishes he were _a little more successful_ sexually.
> 
> 
> I do come at this subject with another perspective. My dear son, 17 is on the autism spectrum. Handsome kid. Growing like a weed. He's taller than me. He has grown leaps and bounds socially. But ... for all of our discussions here on the boards about behavior and attraction when it comes to the opposite sex?
> 
> My son will never have that toolset. I don't state that as a lament or criticism. It's just a simple fact. He will forever be relegated into that category, "Seems like a nice kid/guy, but odd."
> 
> He loves kids. Knows he wants a family. But the moment I try to talk to him about girls ... or try to lead him into being comfortable to talk about girls or relationships, he shuts down. Do I hope he will eventually meet someone that will see past the "odd"? I sure do. Does he have the requisite toolset to build and foster a loving relationship and the responsibilities of a marriage? He absolutely does not.
> 
> And I know he isn't alone out there as far as those deficits are concerned. There are plenty of young men who certainly aren't on the autism spectrum that no doubt fall into the same category as my boy.


----------



## Marduk

Anyway. Same girl, same house, a week or so later. It’s now between Christmas and New Years.

Her parents leave to go to a party, she invites me over. We’re downstairs, stuff is happening, and I want to add some spice to the great but pretty vanilla sex we’re having.

So I decide in my teenage wisdom to go upstairs and look in the fridge to see what I can sauce my girlfriend up with. I’m thinking whipped cream (which isn’t actually that great if you’ve done it).

So I go upstairs stark naked, fully erect, to the kitchen. I saunter into the dark kitchen and open the fridge door, and start rooting around to see what I can see. It’s maybe 10PM, which is pitch black out in the winter up here.

I couldn’t find any whipped cream, but I did find some chocolate sauce. I think it was Nestle Quick. “This will work great,” teenage Marduk thinks to himself. 

And as I’m standing there contemplating where exactly I’m going to apply said Quick to my girlfriend downstairs, her parents come home. Through the window looking out over the deck, I see her mom and dad walk by. Her mom spots me, spotlighted there in front of her fridge, holding a bottle of Quick naked, with a giant erection. We are perhaps 5 or 6 feet apart, with only a picture window between us.

We lock eyes. Her eyes move from mine, to the Quick, to my boner, and back to my eyes. She opens them wide, and shakes her head, and turns around to block the view from her husband and delay them coming in the back door, maybe 4 feet from where I’m standing.

I drop the quick, sprint for the stairs, and vault over them. I bolt out the back door, stark naked (again), head to my car to get the spare keys (again), and drive home (again).

That time, I got a phone call from my girlfriend. Her mom wants to talk to us. 

So I come over when her dad isn’t home, she explains that she knows that we’ve been having sex, ask us about birth control (condoms), and tell us to either cut it out or at least be a little more discreet. As I’m sitting there, sweating bullets, talking to my girlfriends mother about having sex with her daughter. “Oh,” she adds, “Next time you want to use the chocolate sauce, can you not just drop it on the floor to spray all over the kitchen? Because it was hard to clean up and even harder to explain to my husband.”

And again, the next family dinner I was invited to was pretty damn uncomfortable. Did it stop us? Oh, hell no.

But when her mom asked if I wanted a glass of chocolate milk with dinner, and to help myself to the Quick if I did, I can say that it was only her and her daughter laughing, with me with a red face, and her dad and sister wondering WTF was going on.


----------



## Deejo

Marduk said:


> I actually don’t. There were some women I wished I could have had sex with and didn’t, of course, but in general I said no more than I said yes. Or at least didn’t take opportunities that probably would have been given many times.
> 
> I’m pretty happy I walked away from the 3 primary dating years of my life - high school, university, and post-divorce - without STDs, unplanned children, and perhaps most importantly too much heartbreak. I always worried about that.


I can certainly agree with that.

Particularly when I was a teen, I was viewed as pretty straight-laced. Thoughtful, do the right thing, grounded, stayed out of trouble. I was ... what's that word? Nice.

Dated my first girlfriend for over two years. Everyone had us married off at 17. We had A LOT of sex. This is the relationship where I also surmise I built up some of my sexual issues. I worked so mentally hard at not getting my girlfriend pregnant, I believe that contributed to my delayed ejaculation issue. And somewhat aligning with your Christmas story, every freaky, risky sexual endeavor we ever had ... was her idea. I mean that as a compliment to female sexuality rather than a criticism.


----------



## Deejo

InMyPrime said:


> You learn to adapt as you go along. I actually worry about people who have it too easy in life (with women or in general). They don't always have to fight, they don't always have to choose. The (skilled) women will spot them and choose *for* them, regardless if it's something the guy even wanted or not...Maybe she tried others but it didn't work out for her. She will come back because she knows he will not ever turn her down.
> It depends.
> The important thing is to figure out what one wants and keep the eyes on that target. And there's no harm in trying things out, if it helps figuring things out.
> 
> Of course it's all in proportion but sometimes it's not a bad thing when things don't come too easily.
> 
> Also, unless one is planning to move to the Middle East, you only ever just need The One.


I cannot disagree with this wisdom either.

It's primarily the parent in me that knows all to well, how easily my child can be manipulated or harmed, and wanting to shield him from that.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband

ConanHub said:


> I am really uncertain about this and it seems highly suspect. If it is taken in a spirit of fun, ok.
> 
> I use the word successful to communicate what most might consider success. Looking back, I am envious of those who have only been with the same one their whole life.
> 
> I was with about 60 women before meeting Mrs. Conan at age 20.
> 
> I turned away most otherwise it could have reached multiple hundreds.
> 
> Mrs. C and I had sex 30+ times over the first week we met. She was in my bed less than 8 hours after meeting me.
> 
> We have been very active throughout our time together with a small speed bump maybe 8 years ago that involved meddling and bitter church ladies.
> 
> To this day, Mrs. C will get naked if I even look at her sensually and is down for it every day.:wink2::smile2:


Conan, you remind me of Wilt Chamberlain. You should consider writing a book. Oh if you do, include a chapter on spanking.>


----------



## Marduk

Deejo said:


> I can certainly agree with that.
> 
> 
> 
> Particularly when I was a teen, I was viewed as pretty straight-laced. Thoughtful, do the right thing, grounded, stayed out of trouble. I was ... what's that word? Nice.
> 
> 
> 
> Dated my first girlfriend for over two years. Everyone had us married off at 17. We had A LOT of sex. This is the relationship where I also surmise I built up some of my sexual issues. I worked so mentally hard at not getting my girlfriend pregnant, I believe that contributed to my delayed ejaculation issue. And somewhat aligning with your Christmas story, every freaky, risky sexual endeavor we ever had ... was her idea. I mean that as a compliment to female sexuality rather than a criticism.



For me - and I don’t want to bring down the mood in this thread by saying so - it was three big things.

For one, I was raised by a single mother, that was very ‘women’s lib.’ So I was raised to fundamentally respect women, but specifically not to coddle or treat them as weaker. So on the one hand, I was very careful with consent, any kind of manipulation or anything, but on the other hand I had no problem if they were open to having sex without any kind of commitment. It was their choice.

But for another, the first girl I slept with (the promiscuous one), actually threatened to kill herself repeatedly after I broke up with her. For months. So I was very gun-shy and aware of the damage and risk caused by breaking a girl’s heart. It’s part of why I kind of avoided girls for a bit afterward. I was actually stalked by another girl I messed around with in high school, and that added to it.

Finally, as I said, the first girl I slept with taught me many things, things I think a 14 year old probably shouldn’t know. There wasn’t a lot of mystery or magic to sex for me. It didn’t get rid of my teenage desires, but it did make me go “meh” a few times when things were on offer. I mean, how do you have awkward teenage fumbling sex after you’ve basically spent a summer living in a porno?


----------



## 269370

Marduk said:


> and perhaps most importantly too much heartbreak. I always worried about that.


Me too. That's the single most important thing I somehow got into my head in my very early teens. Maybe it was a movie I saw or maybe it was my mother who told me to never get hung up on any one girl but I was completely paranoid falling for someone or let someone 'manipulate' me into loving them.

I had maybe 4-5 relationships early on (which were not really *my* choice) and I kind of regret even those. I was not nice to those girls. Some of these 'relationships' overlapped and I even got punched in the face by one....which I kind of deserved. We did some sexual things but I felt it was wrong to have sex with someone you didn't love (some of them were also virgins; difficult not to be, when you are 14-15). It was never a religious thing but for some reason I just couldn't. By the time I was 16 I already met my wife and I knew pretty much immediately this was *it*.


----------



## 269370

Robbie1234 said:


> When I read your postings I always think of you and @Andy1001 as kind of alike but this post points in a different direction. Other than success with women you aren't really like each other at all. You both joke about old girlfriends but there is an underlying sadness in what you just wrote. But as you said earlier you are in your late fifties and he's in his mid thirties so there is that.


Actually, some people use jokes and sarcasm (and keep it 'superficial') to hide behind it or deflect pain. I think that's the one thing that's very difficult to get a sense of via a forum and much easier to spot if you meet someone in person. But I could be wrong. Other things come through, through writing that wouldn't so easily in person...It depends.


----------



## 269370

Marduk said:


> My friends didn’t believe me about women. They thought I was making this **** up. Until I got a girl to give me a BJ on the dance floor in front of them. A girl that basically nobody could get to do anything.


Ha, I like this. Did you keep on dancing? 'Cos the beat doesn't stop just because someone is going down on you! :moon::smthumbup:


----------



## Marduk

InMyPrime said:


> Ha, I like this. Did you keep on dancing? 'Cos the beat doesn't stop just because someone is going down on you! :moon::smthumbup:



I’m a terrible dancer and was pretty loaded at the time. It was one of those rave things that was pretty new at the time, and very illegal.

I remember the lights, I remember the music, and I remember the look on everyone’s face as it happened. I mean, essentially the entire popular crowd of my high school was there, cheering us on.


----------



## Andy1001

InMyPrime said:


> Actually, some people use jokes and sarcasm (and keep it 'superficial') to hide behind it or deflect pain. I think that's the one thing that's very difficult to get a sense of via a forum and much easier to spot if you meet someone in person. But I could be wrong. Other things come through, through writing that wouldn't so easily in person...It depends.


If you’re going to be serious then we’re all ****ed.


----------



## Casual Observer

oldtruck said:


> No because there are the men that get laid by a new hot one almost every night.
> Rock stars, professional athletes, actors, very famous, very wealthy.
> Essentially those that have unlimited willing groupies.
> 
> After a that many the women skills have to of been acquired. However they do
> not keep one woman because they do not want to give up that variety.


So this is the Woody Allen thing, where sex without love may be an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best? 

If you're rating "sexually successful" as nothing more than PIV experiences, then sure, athletes and famous actors and rich scumbags might qualify. But that's really just about access. Nothing to do with skills or technique. Would that make someone who could afford a stable of prostitutes, different one each night, "sexually successful?"


----------



## Andy1001

Casual Observer said:


> If you're rating "sexually successful" as nothing more than PIV experiences, then sure, athletes and famous actors and rich scumbags might qualify. But that's really just about access. Nothing to do with skills or technique.


Wow! Just ****ing Wow! :wtf:
What rich “scumbag” took your crush.


----------



## ConanHub

Andy1001 said:


> Wow! Just ****ing Wow! :wtf:
> What rich “scumbag” took your crush.


How about rich scoundrel or rascal?

Scumbag? That's rough. Glad you're feeling less sensitive than I was yesterday.:wink2:


----------



## ConanHub

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Conan, you remind me of Wilt Chamberlain. You should consider writing a book. Oh if you do, include a chapter on spanking.>


There just seemed to be a lot of very frisky ladies in the 80's and 90's! :grin2:


----------



## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> How about rich scoundrel or rascal?
> 
> Scumbag? That's rough. Glad you're feeling less sensitive than I was yesterday.:wink2:


I’ll tell you something about having a lot of money. I’d swop it all for a little more 😄
As far as being sensitive goes I couldn’t give a damn about some strangers opinion of me or my past. He can tell himself that the only reason the hot girls wouldn’t sleep with him is because he didn’t have a fancy enough car or he wasn’t an athlete or he wasn’t wealthy. 
But you and me know different lol.


----------



## ConanHub

Casual Observer said:


> So this is the Woody Allen thing, where sex without love may be an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best?
> 
> If you're rating "sexually successful" as nothing more than PIV experiences, then sure, athletes and famous actors and rich scumbags might qualify. But that's really just about access. Nothing to do with skills or technique. Would that make someone who could afford a stable of prostitutes, different one each night, "sexually successful?"


Can a guy be rich and successful with the ladies and not be a scumbag?


----------



## Marduk

ConanHub said:


> Can a guy be rich and successful with the ladies and not be a scumbag?




https://media1.giphy.com/media/NUwo...33e74315d1d9882fa754a1b67127c69&rid=giphy.gif


----------



## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> https://media1.giphy.com/media/NUwo...33e74315d1d9882fa754a1b67127c69&rid=giphy.gif


Hahaha! I wish that loaded all the way!:grin2:


----------



## Blondilocks

Andy1001 said:


> You’re just asking for a friend yes?


Um, yes. Friend says she's really more interested in the porn-star techniques he learned, though. Since he's sharing and people are here to learn, right? This thread isn't just for titillation, or is it?>


----------



## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> This thread isn't just for titillation, or is it?>



No, I’m sure some vajayjayism is also involved as well as titillation...(damn, i have to look up so many words today...first it’s a ‘woman’s cumliness’, now it’s ‘titilation’...I feel like i am learning English all over again!)



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blondilocks

InMyPrime said:


> No, I’m sure some vajayjayism is also involved as well as titillation...(damn, i have to look up so many words today...first it’s a ‘woman’s cumliness’, now it’s ‘titilation’...I feel like i am learning English all over again!)
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


And, you still can't spell worth a ****.


----------



## Marduk

Blondilocks said:


> Um, yes. Friend says she's really more interested in the porn-star techniques he learned, though. Since he's sharing and people are here to learn, right? This thread isn't just for titillation, or is it?>




That’s gonna get X-rated real fast. 

I will say that when we started and she realized I was a virgin, one of the first things she did was to stand there naked in the light and teach me about a female body. 

But from that point on, we basically did everything you see in the standard x-rated movies, including her friend on one occasion so she could demonstrate things like oral with her for me to learn.


----------



## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> That’s gonna get X-rated real fast.
> 
> I will say that when we started and she realized I was a virgin, one of the first things she did was to stand there naked in the light and teach me about a female body.
> 
> But from that point on, we basically did everything you see in the standard x-rated movies, including her friend on one occasion so she could demonstrate things like oral with her for me to learn.


I had a wild one for my first. She didn't know she was my first but I still got educated.:smile2:


----------



## Andy1001

Marduk said:


> That’s gonna get X-rated real fast.
> 
> I will say that when we started and she realized I was a virgin, one of the first things she did was to stand there naked in the light and teach me about a female body.
> 
> But from that point on, we basically did everything you see in the standard x-rated movies, including her friend on one occasion so she could demonstrate things like oral with her for me to learn.


My introduction to sex was slightly different. 
When I was almost fifteen I took a lifesaving course at the local swimming pool. I was partnered with a girl called Denise. She was seventeen and was finishing high school. We were partners because we were closest in size as the rest of the class were adult men.
The classes were once a week so I suggested to Denise that we practice at my parents pool and she agreed. 
She had broken up with her boyfriend after catching him cheating and she was determined to get her own back. I was younger than her and lacking in sexual experience but I was tall, extremely fit and had great staying power. 
We had a blast that spring and she gave me my first bj for my fifteenth birthday.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

Andy1001 said:


> Marduk said:
> 
> 
> 
> That’s gonna get X-rated real fast.
> 
> I will say that when we started and she realized I was a virgin, one of the first things she did was to stand there naked in the light and teach me about a female body.
> 
> But from that point on, we basically did everything you see in the standard x-rated movies, including her friend on one occasion so she could demonstrate things like oral with her for me to learn.
> 
> 
> 
> My introduction to sex was slightly different.
> When I was almost fifteen I took a lifesaving course at the local swimming pool. I was partnered with a girl called Denise. She was seventeen and was finishing high school. We were partners because we were closest in size as the rest of the class were adult men.
> The classes were once a week so I suggested to Denise that we practice at my parents pool and she agreed.
> She had broken up with her boyfriend after catching him cheating and she was determined to get her own back. I was younger than her and lacking in sexual experience but I was tall, extremely fit and had great staying power.
> We had a blast that spring and she gave me my first bj for my fifteenth birthday.
Click to expand...

Wow my introduction to sex involved a jar of vaseline, an internet connection and then some A&D ointment a few days later 😕.


----------



## 269370

My first time was a bit anti-climactic...(after all this waiting). 

First, my wife didn’t know that I was a virgin because I always proclaimed to be an ‘expert’ in anything sexual to her (I read a lot of ‘literature’ and watched many hours of instructional ‘documentaries’....so I felt like I knew some serious ****!). 

When it came to it, there was a lot of faffing about. It wasn’t just going in straight, as I imagined it would; not just because I was so huge (obviously!) but because the whole vajayjay thingy seemed curved and not like a straight tunnel, which for some reason I thought it would be....There was also a lot of resistance (not from wife, from the hymen, I suspect).

Anyway, after about 20 minutes, I finally managed. It was nice while it lasted (about 3 seconds) but then the coitus was interrupted (aha, that’s where the term comes from!) when one of the teachers came in (we were at a boarding school) and started shouting at me for skipping his lesson (while wife was hiding under the covers). He grabbed my ear and dragged me to the headmaster where I had to explain myself in a towel (that headmaster was a bit dodgy, he was really into all the details...).

I felt so proud though. I finally did it with the woman I always wanted. But then came the shame for lying to her (that I was not a virgin; see, for some ****ed up reason it’s embarrassing for a woman NOT to be a virgin but for the guy the pressure is on the other side....). I was so ashamed, I did the dumbest possible thing you could do in this situation and broke up with her.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Andy1001

InMyPrime said:


> My first time was a bit anti-climactic...(after all this waiting).
> 
> First, my wife didn’t know that I was a virgin because I always proclaimed to be an ‘expert’ in anything sexual to her (I read a lot of ‘literature’ and watched many hours of instructional ‘documentaries’....so I felt like I knew some serious ****!).
> 
> When it came to it, there was a lot of faffing about. It wasn’t just going in straight, as I imagined it would; not just because I was so huge (obviously!) but because the whole vajayjay thingy seemed curved and not like a straight tunnel, which for some reason I thought it would be....There was also a lot of resistance (not from wife, from the hymen, I suspect).
> 
> Anyway, after about 20 minutes, I finally managed. It was nice while it lasted (about 3 seconds) but then the coitus was interrupted (aha, that’s where the term comes from!) when one of the teachers came in (we were at a boarding school) and started shouting at me for skipping his lesson (while wife was hiding under the covers). He grabbed my ear and dragged me to the headmaster where I had to explain myself in a towel (that headmaster was a bit dodgy).
> 
> I felt so proud though. I finally did it with the woman I always wanted. But then came the shame for lying to her (that I was not a virgin; see, for some ****ed up reason it’s embarrassing for a woman NOT to be a virgin but for the guy the pressure is on the other side....). I was so ashamed, I did the dumbest possible thing you could do in this situation and broke up with her.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Finally you told a funny story. 😆
We need a thread about embarrassing encounters but I can’t see the mods letting it go.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Durex colors and scents. I went with the pink strawberry, you know, to make my Johnson look extra manly. All I managed to do was warm her up before I finished. 2 minutes tops. We were both sort of stunned we did it. Then like 5 minutes of stunned silence she said "that was fun! Want to do it again?" I've got a short refractory. 5 minutes roughly. I decided yellow banana would be a good choice for round 2.


----------



## tech-novelist

ConanHub said:


> I feel set up here. This thread should have been goofy or fun where THE MEN of TAM talked about being sexually successful. No parameters. They could have said anything they wanted to about themselves without knocking anyone else.
> 
> I'm not going to drone on about it and I was really hurt on another thread but this felt like a set up and some did decide to take a swing, either directly or knocking my past as a pretty poor way of marking success.
> 
> Be nice if this stupid thread wasn't posted in the first place and just as nice if people would just have fun without expressing disdain for stuff anyone else posted.
> 
> This isn't a serious thread. No one needs to be knocking anyone else down for their own stories and histories.


I certainly didn't have any harm in mind when I made the original post on this thread. I'm sorry that you have been mistreated as a result of my doing so.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Just a correction because I don't like false facts thrown around.
> 
> All my single escapades took place way before Al Gore invented the internet.:smile2:
> 
> You and I will never see eye to eye but facts should be straight.:wink2:


There are many ways of having casual sex for the ones who want that life.


----------



## BioFury

Andy1001 said:


> We need a thread about embarrassing encounters but I can’t see the mods letting it go.


 @EleGirl? Can we? Pwease?


----------



## ConanHub

tech-novelist said:


> I certainly didn't have any harm in mind when I made the original post on this thread. I'm sorry that you have been mistreated as a result of my doing so.


I appreciate your sense of fun and research. I also got the weirdest chemical burn from a combination of citrus juice and sunshine during the start of the thread.

I've been a little bit off my usual pace.


----------



## Marduk

ConanHub said:


> I appreciate your sense of fun and research. I also got the weirdest chemical burn from a combination of citrus juice and sunshine during the start of the thread.
> 
> 
> 
> I've been a little bit off my usual pace.




Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we applied juice to our bodies in the sunshine, or why we are now in pain. All that matters is that few stood against prudence in the pursuit of pleasure. That’s what’s important! Pleasure pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me aloe vera! And you do not listen, then to HELL with you! I’ll get it myself.


----------



## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we applied juice to our bodies in the sunshine, or why we are now in pain. All that matters is that few stood against prudence in the pursuit of pleasure. That’s what’s important! Pleasure pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me aloe vera! And you do not listen, then to HELL with you! I’ll get it myself.


Hmmm. Talent. >


----------



## Fozzy

It seems to me their are two ways to view success at its heart. You can view success from the standpoint that it’s a competition with everyone else (partner count, wild encounters) or from the standpoint of “am I happy with the results?” 

I tend to view it as the latter. By my own standards, I would say that I’m definitely not successful. And while if I had a time machine I probably would have played the field some more ,I don’t think having a higher partner count in itself would have made me more successful. I think potentially I could have been successful as a one-woman man. It just didn’t work out that way.


----------



## Marduk

Fozzy said:


> It seems to me their are two ways to view success at its heart. You can view success from the standpoint that it’s a competition with everyone else (partner count, wild encounters) or from the standpoint of “am I happy with the results?”
> 
> 
> 
> I tend to view it as the latter. By my own standards, I would say that I’m definitely not successful. And while if I had a time machine I probably would have played the field some more ,I don’t think having a higher partner count in itself would have made me more successful. I think potentially I could have been successful as a one-woman man. It just didn’t work out that way.




Fair warning, I’m about to bum people out with this post. So skip over it if you’re looking for some funny stories. This won’t be one of them.

So I’m single decades ago, I go to a party. There’s this girl. She’s cute, but I’m really not interested in her, she’s attractive but not my type for whatever reason. But she keeps flirting, she keeps bringing me drinks, and she keeps making the moves.

So we fool around. Her idea. We don’t have sex, but we do fool around. She has some orgasms, the party ends, we part ways.

So I come to learn days later that she’s really hung up on me and wants a relationship. I talk to her, I tell her she’s great but I’m really not interested in a relationship with her or anyone else right now, and I recommend that we don’t repeat what happened at the party because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She gets a little weepy, but she’s ok.

Then, I learn from some friends that she had broken up with a very long term boyfriend right before that party. OK, I think, I’m the rebound guy. Whatever.

Then I learn a few weeks later that they were engaged. And they’ve gotten back together after I said no to her. Warning bells start to go off. But I make myself scarce out of respect for the guy.

Then I learn a couple of years later that they’re married, and they’re in therapy. Because of me. Not just because she hooked up with me while we were broken up, but because I gave her her first orgasms, she never had one with this guy before, and she’s never had one since. 

That little non-PIV romp that meant nothing to me (and I didn’t even get off during) was her peak sexual experience and she was still pining over it and me YEARS later.

I’ve felt horrible about that for a long, long time. For her, even more for him, and for the fact I probably wouldn’t even remember it had happened unless I happened to hear about it from someone else.

And then I thought about times like my first couple years of university that I basically don’t even remember what happened, who I did what with, or what lasting impact I may have had to people I don’t even remember.

I carry tremendous guilt about that to this day. What to some might have been viewed as a success (I had a cute girl chase me at a party and be willing to have sex with me even though we just met), was actually a total failure from my perspective.


----------



## CraigBesuden

Marduk said:


> Then I learn a couple of years later that they’re married, and they’re in therapy. Because of me. Not just because she hooked up with me while we were broken up, but because I gave her her first orgasms, she never had one with this guy before, and she’s never had one since.
> 
> That little non-PIV romp that meant nothing to me (and I didn’t even get off during) was her peak sexual experience and she was still pining over it and me YEARS later.


A lot of women never orgasm with their husbands. And a lot of men never have a woman NOT orgasm with them.


----------



## Andy1001

Marduk said:


> Fair warning, I’m about to bum people out with this post. So skip over it if you’re looking for some funny stories. This won’t be one of them.
> 
> So I’m single decades ago, I go to a party. There’s this girl. She’s cute, but I’m really not interested in her, she’s attractive but not my type for whatever reason. But she keeps flirting, she keeps bringing me drinks, and she keeps making the moves.
> 
> So we fool around. Her idea. We don’t have sex, but we do fool around. She has some orgasms, the party ends, we part ways.
> 
> So I come to learn days later that she’s really hung up on me and wants a relationship. I talk to her, I tell her she’s great but I’m really not interested in a relationship with her or anyone else right now, and I recommend that we don’t repeat what happened at the party because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She gets a little weepy, but she’s ok.
> 
> Then, I learn from some friends that she had broken up with a very long term boyfriend right before that party. OK, I think, I’m the rebound guy. Whatever.
> 
> Then I learn a few weeks later that they were engaged. And they’ve gotten back together after I said no to her. Warning bells start to go off. But I make myself scarce out of respect for the guy.
> 
> Then I learn a couple of years later that they’re married, and they’re in therapy. Because of me. Not just because she hooked up with me while we were broken up, but because I gave her her first orgasms, she never had one with this guy before, and she’s never had one since.
> 
> That little non-PIV romp that meant nothing to me (and I didn’t even get off during) was her peak sexual experience and she was still pining over it and me YEARS later.
> 
> I’ve felt horrible about that for a long, long time. For her, even more for him, and for the fact I probably wouldn’t even remember it had happened unless I happened to hear about it from someone else.
> 
> And then I thought about times like my first couple years of university that I basically don’t even remember what happened, who I did what with, or what lasting impact I may have had to people I don’t even remember.
> 
> I carry tremendous guilt about that to this day. What to some might have been viewed as a success (I had a cute girl chase me at a party and be willing to have sex with me even though we just met), was actually a total failure from my perspective.


Is this an age thing?
Conan often talks about how he regrets his past and the women he slept with and now you’re doing the same. 
Is this in my future, this feeling of guilt over past conquests lol.


----------



## Marduk

CraigBesuden said:


> A lot of women never orgasm with their husbands. And a lot of men never have a woman NOT orgasm with them.



This is why I worry about folks that marry knowing they have sexual compatibility issues, or have never had sex with each other to see if they do.


----------



## Marduk

Andy1001 said:


> Is this an age thing?
> 
> Conan often talks about how he regrets his past and the women he slept with and now you’re doing the same.
> 
> Is this in my future, this feeling of guilt over past conquests lol.



I can’t speak for you, but I can say that I expected women to be different when I was in my mid/late 20s when I found myself single again after my first marriage.

They weren’t. At all. I ran into the same issues.

I don’t regret conquests, because I don’t think I ever conquered anyone. I do regret thinking that just because I thought something didn’t mean anything, that meant that someone else didn’t, either.

And I certainly regret harm that I caused, even inadvertently or without it being my fault, to others around them - like this woman’s future husband.

I mean, that guy spent years living up to a fantasy version of me that he just could never attain. Not because I’m better than he is, but because that guy only really existed in her mind to begin with. I was just some decent looking guy that knew his way around a woman’s body and the basics of how most women’s sexual responses work. And I only knew that because of the women that came before her. I didn’t invent that knowledge, I was gifted it.

To top it all off, giving her those orgasms was really just an ego thing for me. I didn’t want to have sex with her, and I didn’t. But I got her off, many times, and was proud of myself for doing it. It was an ego stroke to me. One that I thought was harmless, and gave her a little thrill. I was totally wrong.


----------



## Fozzy

Marduk said:


> This is why I worry about folks that marry knowing they have sexual compatibility issues, or have never had sex with each other to see if they do.


In my case I was too stupid and inexperienced to realize how incompatible we were (and this has become worse over time, not better). 

I agree though, if you know there are problems going into it, and hope that the power of love will turn things around for you eventually, you’re probably gonna have a bad time.


----------



## ConanHub

Andy1001 said:


> Is this an age thing?
> Conan often talks about how he regrets his past and the women he slept with and now you’re doing the same.
> Is this in my future, this feeling of guilt over past conquests lol.


It isn't an age thing for me. I was basically just a really nice guy born into some very rough circumstances.

I wanted the story book romance with one woman as long as I can remember but my reality taught me a harsher story.

I adapted to what I was living in and when I found Mrs. C, I was totally caught off guard by finding my story book romance after we both travelled many many miles of torn up road first.

I never wanted the life I led to begin with so I regretted it pretty much along the way and definitely after I found a loving wife.

You might regret some things but it won't have any similarities to my path. Probably be something to do with kids as they grow.:smile2:


----------



## Blondilocks

Marduk;19951197
I didn’t want to have sex with her said:


> But I got her off, many times, and was proud of myself for doing it. It was an ego stroke to me. One that I thought was harmless, and gave her a little thrill. I was totally wrong.


Maybe, it was the bogeyman? So, if your wife gives a guy a handjob she can claim that she didn't have sex?

Given your prowess, just why did your wife cheat on you?


----------



## Marduk

Blondilocks said:


> Maybe, it was the bogeyman? So, if your wife gives a guy a handjob she can claim that she didn't have sex?
> 
> Given your prowess, just why did your wife cheat on you?




I’m having trouble connecting that with my wife having an EA. 

All of this happened before I ever met her - in fact it happened before I met my first wife. 

I didn’t cheat when I fooled around with this girl. I was single. She didn’t cheat, either, she was broken up at the time. We never interacted again past the single conversation we had a few days later. I did it for egotistical reasons that I thought was harmless at the time. I was wrong and I admitted so. 

This whole thing seems awfully aggressive. Have I done something to offend you?


----------



## Blondilocks

Marduk said:


> I’m having trouble connecting that with my wife having an EA.
> 
> All of this happened before I ever met her - in fact it happened before I met my first wife.
> 
> I didn’t cheat when I fooled around with this girl. I was single. She didn’t cheat, either, she was broken up at the time. We never interacted again past the single conversation we had a few days later. I did it for egotistical reasons that I thought was harmless at the time. I was wrong and I admitted so.
> 
> This whole thing seems awfully aggressive. Have I done something to offend you?


No, you haven't offended me. I don't understand how you can say you didn't have sex with her and yet you gave her multiple orgasms. She was having sex with someone.

I didn't know your wife's affair was an EA.


----------



## Marduk

Blondilocks said:


> No, you haven't offended me. I don't understand how you can say you didn't have sex with her and yet you gave her multiple orgasms. She was having sex with someone.
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't know your wife's affair was an EA.




To be explicit, I was first touching her over her jeans (her first orgasm), then it progressed with her pants off and me just using my hands while I kissed her. 

When she settled down after a few, I just stopped and we went back to the party. We may have made out a little bit after that, and with some more touching going on, but I don’t think she ever touched me below the belt. 

At no point did any of my clothes come off.


----------



## Blondilocks

Marduk said:


> To be explicit, I was first touching her over her jeans (her first orgasm), then it progressed with her pants off and me just using my hands while I kissed her.
> 
> When she settled down after a few, I just stopped and we went back to the party. We may have made out a little bit after that, and with some more touching going on, but I don’t think she ever touched me below the belt.
> 
> At no point did any of my clothes come off.


You weren't getting satisfied; but, you were instrumental in her having orgasms. You were having sex. It may have been one-sided - but, you were still engaged in sexual activity. Just like when a woman gives a man a blowjob for his pleasure alone.


----------



## TBT

ConanHub said:


> I was basically just a really nice guy born into some very rough circumstances.


I get it.This can be said of so many people,myself included. My sexual relationships in my earlier years were born mostly from being intertwined with rounders(slang),and people struggling to survive. When life is a struggle and trying to figure out how to actually carpe the diem from that position,not everyone has a variety of options for distraction or entertainment. Often,sex becomes the outlet.


----------



## Marduk

Blondilocks said:


> You weren't getting satisfied; but, you were instrumental in her having orgasms. You were having sex. It may have been one-sided - but, you were still engaged in sexual activity. Just like when a woman gives a man a blowjob for his pleasure alone.




Ok I tried to make it clear in my post that it we didn’t have PIV sex, but I could have made it more clear. 

We had all kinds of sexual contact that I would call sex. We did not have PIV sex.

And I very much would have considered it cheating if either of us were in a relationship.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Marduk said:


> Then I learn a couple of years later that they’re married, and they’re in therapy. Because of me. Not just because she hooked up with me while we were broken up, but because I gave her her first orgasms, she never had one with this guy before, and she’s never had one since.
> .
> .
> .
> I carry tremendous guilt about that to this day. What to some might have been viewed as a success (I had a cute girl chase me at a party and be willing to have sex with me even though we just met), was actually a total failure from my perspective.


Their problems are not yours to own. I’m surprised you feel so much guilt over the events you just described. You’ve struck me before as someone with a healthy understanding of the line between self and others.

All you did was give her knowledge (plus a healthy life-affirming momentary pleasure), in a consensual set of circumstances that to her and you was morally appropriate. What she did or did not do with that knowledge has been up to her.

I can say from, from my own life experiences, lack of first-hand knowledge of sex and relationships sets one up to make life-limiting choices. Ignorance is not bliss. It leads to poor choices that make contentment and joy harder to achieve.


----------



## badsanta

tech-novelist said:


> So I was wondering how successful that would have to be and how it would be measured.
> 
> Number of partners, lengths of relationships, or what?


I think one of my wife's favorite things to hear are the stories of previous partners from my college days. I should make a movie out of it. 

Mr Bean the College Days! 

Badsanta


----------



## tech-novelist

badsanta said:


> I think one of my wife's favorite things to hear are the stories of previous partners from my college days. I should make a movie out of it.
> 
> Mr Bean the College Days!
> 
> Badsanta


I'd be surprised if my wife would want to hear about my previous partners. Not for any particular reason, just on general principles.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

How successful? How do you measure success?

Given the amount of divorces that come from cheating? I'm thinking perhaps more than average, although WS tend to get pounded by hate posts here.

Are we still supposed to be measuring a man's success by how he serves his female owner? Or are men allowed their own personal successes now?


----------



## Andy1001

badsanta said:


> I think one of my wife's favorite things to hear are the stories of previous partners from my college days. I should make a movie out of it.
> 
> Mr Bean the College Days!
> 
> Badsanta


When I was younger I worked in the UK and my girlfriend was an Aussie. She was going to college in London but she was also part of the Australian national swimming team. She eventually represented her country at the Olympic Games. We had broken up by then but were (and still are) friends. 
A few years later I’m living in Massachusetts and met the woman who is now my wife. She owned a health center and one day when I called in she was putting a poster of my ex on the wall, she was advertising a range of sports wear, swim wear etc. I was taken aback and my girlfriend noticed, I explained to her that I used to date the swimmer. She didn’t believe me at first but I showed her my Facebook page with my exes details plus a few photos of us together.


----------



## Marduk

tech-novelist said:


> I'd be surprised if my wife would want to hear about my previous partners. Not for any particular reason, just on general principles.




My wife says she does. God knows, she tells me about hers. 

But when I say even 10% of a single story, she ignores me for days.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Marduk said:


> My wife says she does. God knows, she tells me about hers.
> 
> But when I say even 10% of a single story, she ignores me for days.


Now this isn't a topic that DW or I find interesting or discussion worthy any more. Like really, after the first week, say 35 yrs ago.

The nearest is, every couple years some topic comes up, and she points out to me "but you were a man ****, you don't have any room to talk".

I never, ever comment about any of her previous encounters. After our first encounter and talk that morning, it's a non issue. 

But that's just us.


----------



## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> My wife says she does. God knows, she tells me about hers.
> 
> But when I say even 10% of a single story, she ignores me for days.


Goose and gander huh?:grin2:

Mrs. C has been mostly tight lipped about her past but we have had a few discussions. She let slip her first husband was hung like a moose during a casual conversation.

She is consistent about talking about past partners.

She doesn't like hearing about mine and doesn't want to discuss hers.


----------



## bandit.45

Marduk said:


> My wife says she does. God knows, she tells me about hers.
> 
> But when I say even 10% of a single story, she ignores me for days.


I never talk about my past anymore. It's bad enough people knowing I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I never talk about my dating past. I have a partner now who is the same. We just enjoy each other's company, completely ignorant as to each other's past sexual exploits. I want to keep it that way. Sometimes you have to leave the past behind you and just exist in the present.


----------



## farsidejunky

bandit.45 said:


> I never talk about my past anymore. It's bad enough people knowing I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I never talk about my dating past. I have a partner now who is the same. We just enjoy each other's company, completely ignorant as to each other's past sexual exploits. I want to keep it that way. Sometimes you have to leave the past behind you and just exist in the present.


Glad to hear you found somebody to spend your time with, brother. That sometimes worried me about you.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Cynthia

bandit.45 said:


> I never talk about my past anymore. It's bad enough people knowing I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I never talk about my dating past. I have a partner now who is the same. We just enjoy each other's company, completely ignorant as to each other's past sexual exploits. I want to keep it that way. Sometimes you have to leave the past behind you and just exist in the present.


I hope your relationship turns out to be all you've dreamed of for both of you.


----------



## Fozzy

We don’t talk about our past. But then we don’t talk about our present either.


----------



## Affaircare

tech-novelist said:


> This was inspired by a post by @ConanHub about his being one of the more sexually successful men on TAM.
> 
> So I was wondering how successful that would have to be and how it would be measured.
> 
> Number of partners, lengths of relationships, or what?


You know what's funny? I would not consider "number of partners" to be reflective of sexual success. On one hand, if the number were high, it may just be because they're a smooth talking and convincing (lol)! On the other hand, if the number were low, it may be because they don't have the moral fortitude to end a dead relationship. 

Same for "length of relationships"... how many times have we heard of marriage that are 20-30-40 years in length but for the last half both parties have been miserable and too afraid to leave/ So they'd have a decades long relationship that was toxic and unhealthy...not exactly success. 

I would think sexual success would differ per person, because that person would define if they had sexually expressed themselves in the WAY they wanted, with the PERSON/PEOPLE they wanted. 

So for example, I tend to date one man at a time, and I stick with him until it becomes clear it either is or is not going to work out long-term. As a human being, I consider myself bisexual (I could have attraction for and romantic feelings for either gender), and pretty open-minded sexually. I don't really have kinks--I'm kind of old-fashioned--and I think I'm fairly "normal." 

But if you look at my "number of partners" well that number is pretty low because I tend to really LIKE a person first, then develop feelings for them, then date and then become sexual. As luck would have it, I married three of my partners, but I would consider that very sexually successful because I was selective in who had access to me, and I was emotionally and physically connected. 

If you look at "length of relationships" so far I've had one marriage last about 15 years, another about 12 years, and now I'm newly married. I've never had a REALLY LONG one, because my first spouse cheated and my second passed away. * sigh * Oh well, what can I do? But I still consider this very sexually successful in that in each long-term relationship, I would have and could have gone longer, and I was satisfied and believe my partner was satisfied. Now I think any time two people are together there is going to be some difference in who wants whom, how often, when, etc. but if both are willing to compromise and adjust to each other, then it's a success.

Thus I realize I'm a chick and this thread is directed at dudes, but I wouldn't ask about number of partners or length of relationships. I think I'd ask if they felt they were truly intimate with each partner and were they able to be satisfied and satisfy their partner for as long as the relationship lasted and was mutual?


----------



## Wolf1974

Hmm this is an odd concept I guess for me personally. The only time I felt “successful” sexually was when I was in a committed relationship. I was a virgin when I met my x wife at 16 and on my kids lives had she been my only one for my whole life I would have been fine with it. Cheated and divorced I turned to women for comfort, didn’t work but at the time I thought it might since alcohol didn’t do the trick. My number skyrocketed to well past......well more than my age anyway. I never felt any of that was successful. Honestly if I had to do that period of my life over again I would.

I know the stereotype that men brag about their numbers and “conquests” and more the better. Does this really happen? Never been a thing with my social circle.


----------



## Diana7

Marduk said:


> This is why I worry about folks that marry knowing they have sexual compatibility issues, or have never had sex with each other to see if they do.


It seems to me that most people here who have sexual issues in their marriage have had sex many times with each other before they married.So it clearly didn't help. Those I know with the best and happiest marriages are often those who waited till they were married before they had sex, including us.


----------



## Marduk

Diana7 said:


> It seems to me that most people here who have sexual issues in their marriage, are those who had had sex many times with each other before they married. Those I know with the best and happiest marriages are often those who waited till they were married before they had sex, including us.


I have the opposite anecdotal evidence. But if it works for you and your friends, that's great!


----------



## OnTheFly

For the record, I've had zero success on TAM!


----------



## BioFury

ConanHub said:


> Goose and gander huh?:grin2:
> 
> Mrs. C has been mostly tight lipped about her past but we have had a few discussions. *She let slip her first husband was hung like a moose during a casual conversation.*
> 
> She is consistent about talking about past partners.
> 
> She doesn't like hearing about mine and doesn't want to discuss hers.


How does that slip out in casual conversation?

Moose though, sounds better than horse. Stealing it.



Marduk said:


> I have the opposite anecdotal evidence. But if it works for you and your friends, that's great!


Studies have found that virgin marriages have the lowest divorce rates, and the highest marital and sexual satisfaction rates.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/counteri...-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...en-more-premarital-partners-get-divorced-less

Which isn't to say people who've had more sexual partners cannot be happily married.


----------



## Diana7

Marduk said:


> I have the opposite anecdotal evidence. But if it works for you and your friends, that's great!


Its not just the people I know, its those here on this site. Most who come with sexual issues had sex before marriage.


----------



## Married but Happy

I think there is only one real - but subjective - measure of relationship success: how happy and satisfied you are while it lasts. As for sexual success? Again, I think it is subjective about your contentedness. You could have one partner, or one hundred - if you are happy with the experiences, you are successful.


----------



## Marduk

BioFury said:


> How does that slip out in casual conversation?
> 
> 
> 
> Moose though, sounds better than horse. Stealing it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Studies have found that virgin marriages have the lowest divorce rates, and the highest marital and sexual satisfaction rates.
> 
> 
> 
> https://ifstudies.org/blog/counteri...-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...en-more-premarital-partners-get-divorced-less
> 
> 
> 
> Which isn't to say people who've had more sexual partners cannot be happily married.




And how would you control for those marriages that are unhappy but that don’t get divorced for the same religious reasons that compelled them to be virgins to begin with?

I was in an unhappy marriage. Much of it was for sexual reasons. I would have stayed in it, because I made a vow. I’m sure glad that marriage ended.


----------



## Marduk

Diana7 said:


> Its not just the people I know, its those here on this site. Most who come with sexual issues had sex before marriage.




Data, please.


----------



## BioFury

Marduk said:


> And how would you control for those marriages that are unhappy but that don’t get divorced for the same religious reasons that compelled them to be virgins to begin with?
> 
> I was in an unhappy marriage. Much of it was for sexual reasons. I would have stayed in it, because I made a vow. I’m sure glad that marriage ended.


Sure, the fact that religious individuals don't believe in divorce would likely decrease the divorce rate artificially. But on the other hand, people that wait for marriage, would naturally be more committed to making the marriage a good one, when it's the only one they'll ever have.

But virgin marriages don't just have the lowest divorce rates. They have the highest satisfaction rates as well. Which would indicate the that lower divorce rate isn't merely a result of the individuals not believing in divorce.


----------



## Marduk

BioFury said:


> Sure, the fact that religious individuals don't believe in divorce would likely decrease the divorce rate artificially. But on the other hand, people that wait for marriage, would naturally be more committed to making the marriage a good one, when it's the only one they'll ever have.
> 
> But virgin marriages don't just have the lowest divorce rates. They have the highest satisfaction rates as well. Which would indicate the that lower divorce rate isn't merely a result of the individuals not believing in divorce.




Not buying it even a little bit. 

I’ve slept with plenty of girls. That were awesome. And we didn’t work together, sexually.


----------



## BioFury

Marduk said:


> Not buying it even a little bit.
> 
> I’ve slept with plenty of girls. That were awesome. And we didn’t work together, sexually.


*shrug*

My opinion is that one's sexual preferences, and sexual "personality", are in large part a product of one's previous sexual experiences. Thus, two virgins have a greater chance of being sexually compatible, since they share the same sexual history and experience.

Just as two people with identical upbringings and life experiences would have a higher chance of being compatible, than two people from two entirely different walks of life.


----------



## ConanHub

BioFury said:


> How does that slip out in casual conversation?
> 
> Moose though, sounds better than horse. Stealing it.


I can't remember how it came up. We were involved in ministry and were studying all kinds of things about sex, infidelity, etc. and we must have been talking about penis size when she just remarked that he was REALLY BIG!

He wasn't very good though and that seems a shame.:wink2:


----------



## ConanHub

BioFury said:


> *shrug*
> 
> My opinion is that one's sexual preferences, and sexual "personality", are in large part a product of one's previous sexual experiences. Thus, two virgins have a greater chance of being sexually compatible, since they share the same sexual history and experience.
> 
> Just as two people with identical upbringings and life experiences would have a higher chance of being compatible, than two people from two entirely different walks of life.


I've seen all scenarios when it comes to experience.

Two virgins are sometimes fantastic, sometimes not. O have seen some problems when one person is fairly experienced and one is a virgin though not as much with the woman partner being a virgin.

I have also seen folks with a lot of experience who never learned anything worth while.

Two virgins who have similar values and commitment as well as good communication, have a really good chance of having a successful and satisfying marriage including great sex.


----------



## Marduk

BioFury said:


> *shrug*
> 
> 
> 
> My opinion is that one's sexual preferences, and sexual "personality", are in large part a product of one's previous sexual experiences. Thus, two virgins have a greater chance of being sexually compatible, since they share the same sexual history and experience.
> 
> 
> 
> Just as two people with identical upbringings and life experiences would have a higher chance of being compatible, than two people from two entirely different walks of life.




Do you know how many virgins I’ve slept with? I even married one. 

None of them knew what they wanted, except that they wanted to sample other guys. 

If I could do it all again, the one thing I’d avoid is virgins.


----------



## Mr. Nail

Diana7 said:


> Its not just the people I know, its those here on this site. Most who come with sexual issues had sex before marriage.


Ding ding ding missed one.
You tend to ignore data that doesn't fit your predetermined conclusion. This particular data point is proud to have caught you out.


----------



## Mr. Nail

IME FWIW if virginity is your biggest sexual success, why wouldn't you want to return to it? It's highly overrated, and in a strange way unchristian.


----------



## BioFury

ConanHub said:


> I can't remember how it came up. We were involved in ministry and were studying all kinds of things about sex, infidelity, etc. and we must have been talking about penis size when she just remarked that he was REALLY BIG!
> 
> He wasn't very good though and that seems a shame.:wink2:


Lol, seems kinda random. But I guess all kinds of things come up after decades of conversation.



ConanHub said:


> I've seen all scenarios when it comes to experience.
> 
> Two virgins are sometimes fantastic, sometimes not. O have seen some problems when one person is fairly experienced and one is a virgin though not as much with the woman partner being a virgin.
> 
> I have also seen folks with a lot of experience who never learned anything worth while.
> 
> Two virgins who have similar values and commitment as well as good communication, have a really good chance of having a successful and satisfying marriage including great sex.


Sure, I'm not saying both people being a virgin is a magic bullet for a satisfying sex life. But I certainly think that in most cases, it would help a great deal.



Marduk said:


> Do you know how many virgins I’ve slept with? I even married one.
> 
> None of them knew what they wanted, except that they wanted to sample other guys.
> 
> If I could do it all again, the one thing I’d avoid is virgins.


I would venture to guess that you didn't sleep with a single virgin who waited for marriage :wink2:


----------



## Marduk

BioFury said:


> Lol, seems kinda random. But I guess all kinds of things come up after decades of conversation.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sure, I'm not saying both people being a virgin is a magic bullet for a satisfying sex life. But I certainly think that in most cases, it would help a great deal.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I would venture to guess that you didn't sleep with a single virgin who waited for marriage :wink2:




Well, the one I married sure decided she wanted to experience random guys. 

And she had no idea what she wanted, sexually. Was full of hang ups.


----------



## BioFury

Marduk said:


> Well, the one I married sure decided she wanted to experience random guys.
> 
> And she had no idea what she wanted, sexually. Was full of hang ups.


I presume though, that you didn't wait for marriage to have sex with the woman in question? She wasn't saving herself, she just happened to be a virgin when you entered the picture?


----------



## Andy1001

BioFury said:


> entered the picture?


Is that a euphemism “entered the picture lol”.

On mature reflection I have realized I have a partner count of one. 
At a time >


----------



## aine

I dont know how I wandered into the Man's Clubhouse where lo and behold its an exercise in seeing 'is mine bigger than yours?' LOL 
Bedposts, notches, who cares?

For the more serious among you...................


----------



## Robbie1234

aine said:


> I dont know how I wandered into the Man's Clubhouse where lo and behold its an exercise in seeing 'is mine bigger than yours?' LOL
> Bedposts, notches, who cares?
> 
> For the more serious among you...................


Nothing to see here. Just move along.


----------



## In Absentia

BioFury said:


> Thus, two virgins have a greater chance of being sexually compatible, since they share the same sexual history and experience.


Which is none? So, not having a sexual history makes you more likely to be compatible with another virgin... why? Because you don't have any expectations?


----------



## Andy1001

In Absentia said:


> BioFury said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thus, two virgins have a greater chance of being sexually compatible, since they share the same sexual history and experience.
> 
> 
> 
> Which is none? So, not having a sexual history makes you more likely to be compatible with another virgin... why? Because you don't have any expectations?
Click to expand...

Nothing to compare to either.


----------



## In Absentia

Andy1001 said:


> Nothing to compare to either.


Ah good... so you can be crap in bed without your partner noticing... great! :laugh:


----------



## notmyjamie

In Absentia said:


> Ah good... so you can be crap in bed without your partner noticing... great! :laugh:


I wouldn't necessarily say so...my first was pretty selfish in bed. He was also pretty much a one trick pony. Even though I was a virgin, I noticed.


----------



## Deejo

aine said:


> I dont know how I wandered into the Man's Clubhouse where lo and behold its an exercise in seeing 'is mine bigger than yours?' LOL
> Bedposts, notches, who cares?
> 
> For the more serious among you...................



Honestly, I thought it was going to go horribly sideways pages ago.


After careful introspection and analysis, the results are pretty clear.

Sex has been happening. Odds are ... several TAM'ers ... even the ladies ... are having the sex right now.


----------



## Marduk

BioFury said:


> I presume though, that you didn't wait for marriage to have sex with the woman in question? She wasn't saving herself, she just happened to be a virgin when you entered the picture?


I would say it was a little of both.


----------



## Marduk

In Absentia said:


> Ah good... so you can be crap in bed without your partner noticing... great! :laugh:


That's one risk, sure. You get stuck with someone very sexually closed. Or with some fetishes that don't work for you. Or with a very low sex drive, or whatever.

But even further, every single virgin I've known - from both sexes - indicated a strong desire to "see what's out there" once they started having sex. Meaning, go have sex with other people because they're naturally curious about it.

In my case, being married didn't stop her.


----------



## Marduk

Deejo said:


> Honestly, I thought it was going to go horribly sideways pages ago.
> 
> 
> After careful introspection and analysis, the results are pretty clear.
> 
> Sex has been happening. Odds are ... several TAM'ers ... even the ladies ... are having the sex right now.


Is that why your avatar is making an O face?


----------



## BioFury

Andy1001 said:


> Is that a euphemism “entered the picture lol”.
> 
> On mature reflection I have realized I have a partner count of one.
> At a time >


Lol, yeah. It was a subtle, or not so subtle, innuendo >



In Absentia said:


> Which is none? So, not having a sexual history makes you more likely to be compatible with another virgin... why? Because you don't have any expectations?


Kinda, but no, everyone has expectations. But you're a blank canvas. You don't have 3, 7, or 23 aborted paintings that you have to reconcile into something functional.



notmyjamie said:


> I wouldn't necessarily say so...my first was pretty selfish in bed. He was also pretty much a one trick pony. Even though I was a virgin, I noticed.


The key here is someone who waited for marriage to have sex. What this displays is a willingness to give up a great amount of short-term gratification, for a long-term goal. A willingness to commit, and be faithful to, a partner, before you've even met them.

If someone is willing to do that, then more often than not, they're likely going to be a good and attentive partner. But as I said previously, it isn't a magic bullet. There will of course be outliers, and people that are LD, selfish, etc.


----------



## Andy1001

BioFury said:


> The key here is someone who waited for marriage to have sex. What this displays is a willingness to give up a great amount of short-term gratification, for a long-term goal. A willingness to commit, and be faithful to, a partner, before you've even met them.
> 
> If someone is willing to do that, then more often than not, they're likely going to be a good and attentive partner. But as I said previously, it isn't a magic bullet. There will of course be outliers, and people that are LD, selfish, etc.


Another way of looking at it is you take someone who waited until marriage to have sex and then finds that the person he married doesn’t particularly want sex anyway. 
You waited to get screwed, now you’re really screwed!
If I could give anyone just one piece of advice about marriage it would be not to marry a virgin.Of either sex. 
Whether or not you agree with casual sexual relationships is one thing but if a couple are both committed to a long term relationship, possibility engaged then I can’t see why sex can’t be a part of the deal.
It’s like getting a bicycle for Christmas, not cycling it until the following Christmas and then discovering you hate cycling. 
I’m being facetious but for a lot of people this is the life they’re stuck with.


----------



## Marduk

BioFury said:


> The key here is someone who waited for marriage to have sex. What this displays is a willingness to give up a great amount of short-term gratification, for a long-term goal. A willingness to commit, and be faithful to, a partner, before you've even met them.
> 
> 
> 
> If someone is willing to do that, then more often than not, they're likely going to be a good and attentive partner. But as I said previously, it isn't a magic bullet. There will of course be outliers, and people that are LD, selfish, etc.



Or they could just have a low sex drive, be asexual, be gay and unwilling to admit it, have hangups about their body or sex, have very much non-average or non-functioning genetalia, or non-standard sexual responses like requiring a certain fetish to function. 

I have known examples of all of these. I knew a guy that was gay, got married a virgin, had kids, and came out decades later. Very religious and waited for marriage. 

I married a woman with many sexual hangups. Virgin, and part of the reason she was a virgin was the hangups - disguised as “waiting for a commitment.”

I know of a woman that married a religious guy that was saving himself. On the wedding night, she discovered he had a micropenis. He claimed that had nothing to do with saving himself, but I don’t believe it. 

I know of another that married a virgin. They were explicit about the kind of sex they thought they wanted. All kinds of kinky stuff. Until they tried it after marriage. Now she doesn’t want to do any of it, and he does. Something may sound great on paper, but sure isn’t when you do it. 

How do you know what good and attentive is when you’ve never done what you’re being good and attentive about?

I’m not saying it’s not possible. I am saying it’s not likely, that I wouldn’t recommend risking it, and that it’s irrational to think you can understand sexual compatibility without doing it.


----------



## CraigBesuden

Marduk said:


> I know of a woman that married a religious guy that was saving himself. On the wedding night, she discovered he had a micropenis. He claimed that had nothing to do with saving himself, but I don’t believe it.


Even if you are against premarital sex, you should know his penis size before getting engaged.



> I know of another that married a virgin. They were explicit about the kind of sex they thought they wanted. All kinds of kinky stuff. Until they tried it after marriage. Now she doesn’t want to do any of it, and he does. Something may sound great on paper, but sure isn’t when you do it.


I commend them for talking about it beforehand. Yep, just because she thought it was hot and did it once doesn’t mean she will want to continue doing it.


----------



## Marduk

CraigBesuden said:


> Even if you are against premarital sex, you should know his penis size before getting engaged.


So, you're advocating getting naked and pulling out a ruler or something?



> I commend them for talking about it beforehand. Yep, just because she thought it was hot and did it once doesn’t mean she will want to continue doing it.


What I'm saying is that conversation is good but ultimately useless without practical experience. 

When I'd ask my old sensei a question about martial arts techniques, he'd generally answer, "Train more." Usually with a cuff upside the head accompanying it. There were also books that were recommended to be off limits to me, because until I had done it for a decade or two, I would not understand it. I don't think sex is all that different.

You can talk about sex all you want before having it, but it won't mean anything until you do have it. It's very easy to be 20 or whatever and romanticize what a crappy sex life is going to be like, entirely another to be 45 and staring up at the ceiling at 3AM after a couple decades of it.

If you're willing to roll the dice on your entire future sex life with someone, go ahead. But life is long and filled with struggle. Best to do it eyes wide open before giving someone the keys to your sex life forever.

As Lenny Kravitz wrote for Madonna... "Poor is the man who's pleasures depend on the permission of another."


----------



## MEM2020

First I was jealous of your screen name - cause i read all the Conan books as a child. Robert E. Howard - the best. 

Then your biceps on the pic. 

Now - by far the MOST jealous - your frequency. 




ConanHub said:


> I am really uncertain about this and it seems highly suspect. If it is taken in a spirit of fun, ok.
> 
> I use the word successful to communicate what most might consider success. Looking back, I am envious of those who have only been with the same one their whole life.
> 
> I was with about 60 women before meeting Mrs. Conan at age 20.
> 
> I turned away most otherwise it could have reached multiple hundreds.
> 
> Mrs. C and I had sex 30+ times over the first week we met. She was in my bed less than 8 hours after meeting me.
> 
> We have been very active throughout our time together with a small speed bump maybe 8 years ago that involved meddling and bitter church ladies.
> 
> To this day, Mrs. C will get naked if I even look at her sensually and is down for it every day.:wink2::smile2:


----------



## ConanHub

MEM2020 said:


> First I was jealous of your screen name - cause i read all the Conan books as a child. Robert E. Howard - the best.
> 
> Then your biceps on the pic.
> 
> Now - by far the MOST jealous - your frequency.


Conan was just a great character for me growing up. Robert really sparked my imagination and loved the black and white comics as well.:smile2:. Glad to internet meet another Conan fan!

I enjoyed Burroughs a lot though I liked John Carter more than Tarzan.


----------



## Marduk

ConanHub said:


> Conan was just a great character for me growing up. Robert really sparked my imagination and loved the black and white comics as well.:smile2:. Glad to internet meet another Conan fan!
> 
> 
> 
> I enjoyed Burroughs a lot though I liked John Carter more than Tarzan.



Same. I love the old pulp stuff, top of that pile are the Barsoom books, not too far down beneath them are the original Conan books. 

Somewhere I have most of an old paperback set with the black and white drawings in them depicting scenes. Full of violence and nudity. Love it.


----------



## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> Same. I love the old pulp stuff, top of that pile are the Barsoom books, not too far down beneath them are the original Conan books.
> 
> Somewhere I have most of an old paperback set with the black and white drawings in them depicting scenes. Full of violence and nudity. Love it.


I will say that Barsoom was off the scale epic fantasy adventure!

Conan the character just appealed to me on a more personal level.


----------



## Marduk

ConanHub said:


> I will say that Barsoom was off the scale epic fantasy adventure!
> 
> Conan the character just appealed to me on a more personal level.


I'll say that the description of Dejah Thoris got me hooked as a boy.



> And the sight which met my eyes was that of a slender, girlish figure, similar in every detail to the earthly women of my past life... Her face was oval and beautiful in the extreme, her every feature was finely chiseled and exquisite, her eyes large and lustrous and her head surmounted by a mass of coal black, waving hair, caught loosely into a strange yet becoming coiffure. Her skin was of a light reddish copper color, against which the crimson glow of her cheeks and the ruby of her beautifully molded lips shone with a strangely enhancing effect. She was as destitute of clothes as the green Martians who accompanied her; indeed, save for her highly wrought ornaments she was entirely naked, nor could any apparel have enhanced the beauty of her perfect and symmetrical figure.


Now that's writing.


----------



## ConanHub

Marduk said:


> I'll say that the description of Dejah Thoris got me hooked as a boy.
> 
> 
> 
> Now that's writing.


Bring on the red women!!!!:grin2:


----------



## Tilted 1

Marduk said:


> Deejo said:
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly, I thought it was going to go horribly sideways pages ago.
> 
> 
> After careful introspection and analysis, the results are pretty clear.
> 
> Sex has been happening. Odds are ... several TAM'ers ... even the ladies ... are having the sex right now.
> 
> 
> 
> Is that why your avatar is making an O face?
Click to expand...

And here l am talking a break, and have to get back on the mower thinking about sex🤔


----------



## Marduk

I feel like writing another story. Feel free to skip it, it has a twist ending.

So I'm in university. This girl starts chatting with me. She's hot. Like, really really hot. Classic model look, tall, thin, uber fit. She tells me she is working her way through school as an aerobics instructor. I tell her that's cool, we chat about stuff, sit next to each other through class.

Of course a couple weeks later we're having sex. And it's really great. She's super flexible, super willing, super horny. Imagine an early 90's version of Farah Fawcett. Not my type, but super hot. 

But the weird thing is that it's just purely sex. She never wants to hang out when we're not having sex, when we do get together it's specifically only for sex. Which I'm good with, I've had these kinds of relationships before. But this is almost surgical use of her time - like she's booking me in for an oil change or something. "Ok, you come over from 11:45 until 2:50 and then you have to leave" and the minute I walk in the door, it's go time.

And go she does. I mean, she would go non-stop. I swear one time I fell asleep and woke up again with her on top of me, going like some kind of machine. 

Weeks go by. It's awesome. And then this gets kind of old. And kind of exhausting. And she's really boring. Her taste in music sucks. She won't eat out with me, or even eat with me if it's not something uber clean and healthy that she's prepared. So I ask her when she's teaching a class, maybe I'll check it out. She gets a worried look on her face, and tells me not to show up, because it's a girls only class, and they've had trouble with guys creeping it out. So I say OK and drop it, but it's weird, you know?

So the next time we're getting together, she's bouncing away as she liked to do, and I look over at her bedside table and notice a picture frame is knocked over, face down. I reach over, and flip it up. It's her and some other dude.

And this dude is uber fit - even more than I was at the time - and he's a great looking dude, too. 

I'm literally the other guy. Or at least one of them. She freaks out, slams the picture down, and I get the hell out of there. We never talk again. I don't even remember her ever coming to class again. I think I figured out how to get ahold of the guy and left him a note or something about what she was up to, but that was one of the weirdest good but really bad sex of my life.


----------



## MEM2020

I loved those John Carter books. Tarzan was fine - but no comparison. The technology and the warfare in Barsoom was incredible. 




ConanHub said:


> Conan was just a great character for me growing up. Robert really sparked my imagination and loved the black and white comics as well.:smile2:. Glad to internet meet another Conan fan!
> 
> I enjoyed Burroughs a lot though I liked John Carter more than Tarzan.


----------



## MEM2020

Yes - Conan was a super appealing character. 

Doc Savage books were also very good. Action - science fiction. 




ConanHub said:


> I will say that Barsoom was off the scale epic fantasy adventure!
> 
> Conan the character just appealed to me on a more personal level.


----------



## ConanHub

MEM2020 said:


> Yes - Conan was a super appealing character.
> 
> Doc Savage books were also very good. Action - science fiction.


I have a friend who is into Doc Savage but I have never read stories with him.

Conan seemed right at the edge of reality. Almost like I could be like him.

Helped me through some stuff and the muscles definitely didn't hurt to have.:wink2:


----------



## Fozzy

I read a lot of Conan comics as a kid. Never got around to the novels. I'll have to give them a shot one of these days. 

I also learned what is best in life from movie Conan.


----------



## ConanHub

Fozzy said:


> I read a lot of Conan comics as a kid. Never got around to the novels. I'll have to give them a shot one of these days.
> 
> I also learned what is best in life from movie Conan.


The comics were good stuff! My favorite was The Savage Sword of Conan.

Black and White and awesome!:grin2:


----------



## OnTheFly

Fozzy said:


> I also learned what is best in life from movie Conan.


I lol'd!


----------



## Diana7

Marduk said:


> Data, please.


I am not going to read every single post here in the last year or two to get data, you can read them if you are interested.


----------



## Taxman

Successful? I don't know how to define it. Before my wife, I worked weekends as a disc jockey. Good way to go to parties and to hunt eligible females. I rarely went home first, usually I was invited to apartments, or the backseat of my car. (Thank goodness for the land-yachts of the early seventies) I believe that over the course of two years, probably 20 or more. (Really does a number on your head to come out of an alcoholic stupor-yes if the bar was open then, I drank heavily, smart enough tho to leave my stuff at the venue and take a cab-come out of an alcoholic stupor, and see a female that you were not expecting to be lying beside you, or in the middle of the act)

Once I met my wife, I stopped the party thing and concentrated on commercial accounts, literally restaurants and two strip joints. You DON'T sleep with strippers. (Two reasons, the guys running them were bikers, and the ones I dealt with regularly were not quite right in the head)


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband

Wow! Several folks on here got around. I have only been with two women. My wife and my late former fiancé Victoria. I am one boring dude.


----------



## ConanHub

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Wow! Several folks on here got around. I have only been with two women. My wife and my late former fiancé Victoria. I am one boring dude.


I would rather have only been with one. You are hardly boring!:laugh:


----------



## In Absentia

I've only been sexually with 4 women, including my wife, and excluding non penetrative sex... but then, I was only 22 when I met my wife...


----------



## heartsbeating

ConanHub said:


> I would rather have only been with one.


Why?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Each of us, anyone, are where they're at because of nature plus nurture, and that includes life experiences. 

It's hard to look back and say what's desired to be different but would that put me in a much different life than where I'm at now.

There aren't any great answers to the wishing.
😊😊


----------



## ConanHub

heartsbeating said:


> Why?


It is who I am and who I always wanted to be.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

In Absentia said:


> I've only been sexually with 4 women, including my wife, and excluding non penetrative sex... but then, I was only 22 when I met my wife...


It would be hard to say how any changes would affect my present life circumstances and marriage. 

It may be we've lasted so long because of multiple women multiple times, early from 14 to 23 yrs old. I got a lot "out of my system" and perhaps the experience needed to value a monogamous relationship. And lived with a girl for a year while in college 

And after graduation, first job, a great job, much travel and more women, while at home I met DW at a bar when I was out "on the hunt" when I definitely was not looking for a wife, and here we are today, almost 35yrs later.


----------



## arbitrator

*I don't really think that one's membership or affiliation with TAM is a true or accurate barometer of exactly how sexually successful they are in or out of the boudoir!*


----------



## In Absentia

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I got a lot "out of my system" and perhaps the experience needed to value a monogamous relationship.



Me too... often, I wouldn't even have sex with the girls, just sharing a bed and some fondling, being close together, hugging... general pleasantness... I didn't feel the need for it. I just didn't want to take it any further. Not ready for a serious relationship... sex complicates lots of things, and you start getting attached... :smile2:


----------



## Marduk

Diana7 said:


> I am not going to read every single post here in the last year or two to get data, you can read them if you are interested.




That’s what I thought.


----------



## lovelygirl

ConanHub said:


> I would rather have only been with one. You are hardly boring!:laugh:


I wouldn't want my partner to have been with one or none before me. 

It'd make me feel like he wasn't done with "experiencing" women out there and he might always be wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. It has always been a turn off to have a guy with one or a few GFs before me, because it'd make me think that he doesn't know what he wants in a woman ...and that (even with me) he could still be on the "experimeting" phase. 

Now, "a few" it's always debatable as what's "a few" for me could be too much for someone else.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Speaking only for myself, perhaps others are similar; it would have been almost an impossibility to not have been with other women way before marriage. 

I could blame all the teen hormones or girls and women that pushed it but what's the use.

I was way more concerned with not getting married until I was ready to, and settled in my foundational growth ie college, job, seeing some of the great wide world but wanted to enjoy the fruits/women put before me too.

I was very clear about no long term exclusive relationships with all, tactfully, but it would have been impossible not to experience women. It was like shooting fish in a barrel, no disrespect to women.

I treated all kindly, tactfully, warmly, just never ever saying the L word until I was ready.


----------



## ConanHub

lovelygirl said:


> I wouldn't want my partner to have been with one or none before me.
> 
> It'd make me feel like he wasn't done with "experiencing" women out there and he might always be wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. It has always been a turn off to have a guy with one or a few GFs before me, because it'd make me think that he doesn't know what he wants in a woman ...and that (even with me) he could still be on the "experimeting" phase.
> 
> Now, "a few" it's always debatable as what's "a few" for me could be too much for someone else.


Hehe! I knew from the start I only wanted to be with one. My environment was not very accommodating to my wiring to say the least. I definitely knew what I wanted even from childhood.:smile2:


----------



## lovelygirl

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Speaking only for myself, perhaps others are similar; it would have been almost an impossibility to not have been with other women way before marriage.
> 
> I could blame all the teen hormones or girls and women that pushed it but what's the use.
> 
> I was way more concerned with not getting married until I was ready to, and settled in my foundational growth ie college, job, seeing some of the great wide world but wanted to enjoy the fruits/women put before me too.
> 
> I was very clear about no long term exclusive relationships with all, tactfully, but it would have been impossible not to experience women. It was like shooting fish in a barrel, no disrespect to women.
> 
> I treated all kindly, tactfully, warmly, just never ever saying the L word until I was ready.


that's all fair! Being straight-forward in his intentions is what I'd appreciate in a man. I'd prefer the "ugly" truth rather than beautiful words that many men use to try and bed the woman. 

At what age did you first say the L word? Was she your now-partner/W?


----------



## lovelygirl

ConanHub said:


> Hehe! I knew from the start I only wanted to be with one. My environment was not very accommodating to my wiring to say the least. I definitely knew what I wanted even from childhood.:smile2:


Isn't it ironic though ...? 
you wanted to be with only one woman from the start (but you ended up having 60 women by the age of 20 :surprise ... and men who want to have as many women as possible, can't reach even a quarter of the numbers that you did? hehe....


Though, I'll have to add, success is not just about numbers. It's about quality. You might have had 70 women and you learnt nothing. 
Just as you might have had only 1 and you're everything to her and she to you.


----------



## ConanHub

lovelygirl said:


> Isn't it ironic though ...?
> you wanted to be with only one woman from the start (but you ended up having 60 women by the age of 20 :surprise ... and men who want to have as many women as possible, can't reach even a quarter of the numbers that you did? hehe....
> 
> 
> Though, I'll have to add, success is not just about numbers. It's about quality. You might have had 70 women and you learnt nothing.
> Just as you might have had only 1 and you're everything to her and she to you.


Life does seem to have irony here and there. :wink2:
Very true. I've known folks who had sex at the drop of a hat with many partners and they really weren't that good.

I also know of people who were hitting grand slam home runs in the bedroom their first time.:smile2:


----------



## lovelygirl

ConanHub said:


> Life does seem to have irony here and there. :wink2:
> Very true. I've known folks who had sex at the drop of a hat with many partners and they really weren't that good.
> 
> I also know of people who were hitting grand slam home runs in the bedroom their first time.:smile2:


Yeah. I used to date a guy with whom I had been non-stop friends for more than 10 years before becoming lovers. I knew all his love stories/GFs/ONS/long-time GFs...because he would confide in me everything, plus he had introduced several women to me.

He started is sexual activity at 12 and by the age of 28 when we then decided to get together, I thought he would rock my world (with sooo many women he had been). :scratchhead:

But I realized he was way too selfish in the bedroom for my liking and wrong expectations. meh. Our dating didn't last more than 2 months.


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## MAJDEATH

I was unlucky (or maybe lucky) that the AIDS epidemic hit the US right when I reached sexual maturity as a teen. Everyone was afraid and nobody was having sex. I was in college when it finally happened and then I soon met my future W. The rest is history.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

lovelygirl said:


> that's all fair! Being straight-forward in his intentions is what I'd appreciate in a man. I'd prefer the "ugly" truth rather than beautiful words that many men use to try and bed the woman.
> 
> At what age did you first say the L word? Was she your now-partner/W?


'85

She's my W now. 35yrs!


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## Diana7

lovelygirl said:


> I wouldn't want my partner to have been with one or none before me.
> 
> It'd make me feel like he wasn't done with "experiencing" women out there and he might always be wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. It has always been a turn off to have a guy with one or a few GFs before me, because it'd make me think that he doesn't know what he wants in a woman ...and that (even with me) he could still be on the "experimeting" phase.
> 
> Now, "a few" it's always debatable as what's "a few" for me could be too much for someone else.


You seem to have a strange and wrong idea of people who dont have sex with lots of people.


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## personofinterest

Diana7 said:


> lovelygirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I wouldn't want my partner to have been with one or none before me.
> 
> It'd make me feel like he wasn't done with "experiencing" women out there and he might always be wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. It has always been a turn off to have a guy with one or a few GFs before me, because it'd make me think that he doesn't know what he wants in a woman ...and that (even with me) he could still be on the "experimeting" phase.
> 
> Now, "a few" it's always debatable as what's "a few" for me could be too much for someone else.
> 
> 
> 
> You seem to have a strange and wrong idea of people who dont have sex with lots of people.
Click to expand...

Hear hear!


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## Andy1001

personofinterest said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lovelygirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I wouldn't want my partner to have been with one or none before me.
> 
> It'd make me feel like he wasn't done with "experiencing" women out there and he might always be wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. It has always been a turn off to have a guy with one or a few GFs before me, because it'd make me think that he doesn't know what he wants in a woman ...and that (even with me) he could still be on the "experimeting" phase.
> 
> Now, "a few" it's always debatable as what's "a few" for me could be too much for someone else.
> 
> 
> 
> You seem to have a strange and wrong idea of people who dont have sex with lots of people.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Hear hear!
Click to expand...

Everyone needs a hobby.


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## lovelygirl

Diana7 said:


> You seem to have a strange and wrong idea of people who dont have sex with lots of people.


I don't just have an idea. 

I've seen it in people I've dated or (that others have dated) and I was told flat out by these people why they think the grass is greener on the other side.

This doesn't mean that everyone who's had a low number of (or no) partners feels the same, but there are many who do - so, mine is not just an idea. It's a fact.


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## ConanHub

lovelygirl said:


> I don't just have an idea.
> 
> I've seen it in people I've dated or (that others have dated) and I was told flat out by these people why they think the grass is greener on the other side.
> 
> This doesn't mean that everyone who's had a low number of (or no) partners feels the same, but there are many who do - so, mine is not just an idea. It's a fact.


I don't share your perspective but many do. Life sure isn't easy and I believe most have good reasons for believing as they do.


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## ConanHub

.


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## tech-novelist

ConanHub said:


> So I'm a 48 year old grandfather of 3 and a very cute 20 something waitress just followed me into the parking lot, trying to get my information after I ordered a to go meal.
> 
> Is it considered successful if women just kind of have a go at you all the time?


Yes.


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## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> Hehe! I knew from the start I only wanted to be with one. My environment was not very accommodating to my wiring to say the least. I definitely knew what I wanted even from childhood.:smile2:


I only wanted to be with one as well. 
My problem was that “one” was the hottest woman in whatever nightclub, hotel bar, gym etc I happened to be in at any given time. 
But I’m older and wiser now. 
Well, older anyway lol.


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## lovelygirl

Andy1001 said:


> I only wanted to be with one as well.
> My problem was that “one” was the hottest woman in whatever nightclub, hotel bar, gym etc I happened to be in at any given time.
> But I’m older and wiser now.
> Well, older anyway lol.


Are you still with that woman? 
Did her "hotness" cause infidelity on her part?


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## Andy1001

lovelygirl said:


> Are you still with that woman?
> Did her "hotness" cause infidelity on her part?


Maybe I didn’t explain this very well. The “hot woman” changed on a daily basis. 
What I meant was I couldn’t settle for one woman. I was a very pretty boy from my teens to late twenties and I had myself convinced that no woman would turn me down. And to be completely honest hardly any women did turn me down. 
Once I climbed any particular mountain though I soon lost interest and went looking for a new challenge. In about eight years I never had more than a couple of weeks relationship with anyone. 
I used to travel to Europe every week and I had **** buddies and fwb over there but never anything serious. I had one fwb in NY and she went home to Japan after about two years. 
I’ve had more ons than any other man or woman I’ve ever met. 
I got to twenty seven and then it got old. I decided to move to a town in Massachusetts and started having a house built. While the house was being built I bought an apartment in a building that had a health studio up the street. I moved in on a Sunday and early Monday morning I went for a walk and met a woman who was cleaning the windows of the studio. 
We’re married now. 
And in reply to your other question, she’s the only woman I have ever told I love.


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