# 26 years of marriage, left twice, ready to leave again



## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

Hi
I'm 50 years old, been married for 26 years, and am always analysing our marriage. One day I think it's OK, the next I'm ready to leave. I check the realestate 'rentals' on almost a daily basis and really don't know what I'm thinking any more. Have not been really happy since before our first daughter, now 22 was born, and am really wanting to know how it feels to love someone again. 
My husband is a good Dad, but lacks a bit in the 'understanding' department.
I have been on anti-depressants for the last 7 years, but am getting lots of muscle twitching and spasms, and have a really sore shoulder muscle which I've been to physio with, chiro, doctor, xrays, MRI and nothing so I'm wondering if it has to do with either the antidepressants or whether it is the stress of our relationship.
It's basically been a sex-less marriage for about the last 23years, minus a lovely daughter 14 years ago, and I really want to 'feel the love' again.
HELP... going to the Doctor again this week, hoping to resolve things, but going on past behaviour, it's not gonna happen.
Any comments/ideas?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry you are feeling so down on things.

whose choice is it that your marriage is sexless?

Do you have a job outside the home?

What kinds of things do you do for youself socially? How long ago were these times?

Then you left the other two times, why did you come back?


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## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

It's my choice that we have a sexless marriage; he has done too many things long ago for me to feel that I love him. I remember 24 years ago, ten to seven at night would come along, and I DREADED him coming home, he has been grumpy most of our married life, controlling, we used to have 'Silent Sundays' where he wouldnt talk to me at all and I basically just felt like a piece of ****!
When my Mum died 21 years ago, I didn't go to him for support because he doesn't really have that in him, he had an unhealthy upbringing while I loved my childhood, and I could go on and on...
why did I come back? because of my marriage beliefs and we still have a child home with us, and I hated having to leave her every few days to go to her Dads etc etc etc...
We have had counselling, and he tries really hard, but basically he is what he is, and he just really annoys me now.
(It all really started the day we left for our honeymoon, he was angry that I'd had photos taken of me and a stripper, I explained that I didn't even want a stripper on my hen's night because I was getting married and didn't need one, but he wouldn't listen or believe me, that was when I learnt how controlling he was going to be, we hardly go out, I don't enjoy myself when he is around)
Yes, I work 3 days a week.


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I am wondering what others think of your situation. It's like you've had one foot in, one foot out the whole home. Reminds me of my relationship. What to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

Yes, feel sorry for you if you're in a similar situation, it really is awful. Guilt, depression, can't seem to live a full life because it is always nagging in the background. Would love other's ideas on the situation.


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I too have left many times. And still I check the rentals daily. Very unsettled but won't actually leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

we could start a 'poor us' club, lol, but seriously I am at a loss at to what you should do... would say you should probably get out and stay out, and why does your partner let you keep coming back? (no offense!) any kids?


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

No kids. He let's me back because he loves me, but if I leave again he said he's done. I keep thinking of an apartment I could live in. But every time I leave, I just think of returning again. Do you think you would be happier living in your own apartment, maybe with a couple pets?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I feel pretty down today. I don't know if this depression is just me or if its because I'm not sure I'm in the right relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

Is your depression in the first place triggered by your relationship, do you think, or another source?
If it is the relationship, I'd say you need to live without it and rediscover yourself, to be truly happy. It's weird, I can give the advice out, but not take it 

GOOD LUCK!!!
ps: and I'll be really jealous if I read that you've done it and I STILL haven't!!


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

norma5 said:


> I have been on anti-depressants for the last 7 years, but am getting lots of muscle twitching and spasms, and have a really sore shoulder muscle which I've been to physio with, chiro, doctor, xrays, MRI and nothing so I'm wondering if it has to do with either the antidepressants or whether it is the stress of our relationship.


Serotonin drugs in large doses cause twitching, especially around the neck and back of the head.


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## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

Thankyou, Shawn D... am currently down to only 12.5 with minimal side effects at this stage, and hope that once I am free of this stuff that my muscle problems will go away and that they're not now permanent.
Cheers :smthumbup:


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