# Going crazy



## green0909 (Sep 22, 2011)

I've been married for over ten years and have 3 children. My husband has never been very helpful with the kids which has always been an issue in our marriage. We recently just had our third, and there is a seven year gap between her and my son, and my oldest daughter is 11. Going back to caring for a newborn has been a big adjustment. With our first two I almost left my husband numerous times just for the fact that I was literally doing everything and he nothing. Now with the new baby he made tons of promises and has not kept 1. He never gets up with the baby, barely ever feeds her (only when I ask), rarely even holds her. My most recent issue is daycare for the baby. I work full-time and have been bringing her to my office with me since she was 6 weeks old. Now that she is almost 8 months I'm starting to feel guilty because she needs so much more than I'm able to give her throughout the day and still get my job done. Basically, I'm not doing either job very well. My husband said we cannot afford daycare, but yet he has 3 cars, one of which is a huge gas guzzler. He has no clue what it's like to try to deal with the baby at work, he really has no clue what it's like to deal with the baby at all, because he doesn't. I'm not really stating a clear question, just a lot of rambling. Any way, I feel it's truly wrong that he will not give up anything for this baby, and keeps just telling me that we can't afford daycare? I don't really want to put the baby in daycare, but I have no choice but to work, and she needs more attention and interaction than what I'm currently giving her. Meanwhile, I am completely stressed out!!! I get up between 4 and 5 everyday, get the two older kids to school, work my full-time job with the baby there (stressfull), and then go home and deal with homework, dinner, sports practice, etc. I'm going crazy trying to be a great mom, and I feel like my husband's life hasn't been affected at all by the new addition. I just wish he would be more hands on, he is truly missing out.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

green0909 said:


> I've been married for over ten years and have 3 children. My husband has never been very helpful with the kids which has always been an issue in our marriage. We recently just had our third, and there is a seven year gap between her and my son, and my oldest daughter is 11. Going back to caring for a newborn has been a big adjustment. With our first two I almost left my husband numerous times just for the fact that I was literally doing everything and he nothing. Now with the new baby he made tons of promises and has not kept 1. He never gets up with the baby, barely ever feeds her (only when I ask), rarely even holds her. My most recent issue is daycare for the baby. I work full-time and have been bringing her to my office with me since she was 6 weeks old. Now that she is almost 8 months I'm starting to feel guilty because she needs so much more than I'm able to give her throughout the day and still get my job done. Basically, I'm not doing either job very well. My husband said we cannot afford daycare, but yet he has 3 cars, one of which is a huge gas guzzler. He has no clue what it's like to try to deal with the baby at work, he really has no clue what it's like to deal with the baby at all, because he doesn't. I'm not really stating a clear question, just a lot of rambling. Any way, I feel it's truly wrong that he will not give up anything for this baby, and keeps just telling me that we can't afford daycare? I don't really want to put the baby in daycare, but I have no choice but to work, and she needs more attention and interaction than what I'm currently giving her. Meanwhile, I am completely stressed out!!! I get up between 4 and 5 everyday, get the two older kids to school, work my full-time job with the baby there (stressfull), and then go home and deal with homework, dinner, sports practice, etc. I'm going crazy trying to be a great mom, and I feel like my husband's life hasn't been affected at all by the new addition. I just wish he would be more hands on, he is truly missing out.



I wouldn't have had another child with him based on how you describe his behavior with the other 2, but she's here and this is the situation.

Put her into daycare or quit your job and stay home. Those are your options. He's not going to help you. He's shown you in the past he isn't interested in helping out with the kids, so you have to take matters into your own hands.

If you decide to continue to work, investigate and find out which daycares you can afford with your salary only. What did you do with your other 2 children when they were babies?


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## green0909 (Sep 22, 2011)

We didn't plan on having another child, but it happened and now I of course wouldn't change it, but want to do the best I can for her. Quiting my job isn't an option as we cannot make it on one salary, so I'm going to have to find a good daycare. My mom kept my other two, so I never had to put a baby in daycare.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

green0909 said:


> We didn't plan on having another child, but it happened and now I of course wouldn't change it, but want to do the best I can for her. Quiting my job isn't an option as we cannot make it on one salary, so I'm going to have to find a good daycare. *My mom kept my other two, so I never had to put a baby in daycare*.


Is your mom not available this time to care for the baby?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

And I would take the necessary precautions to not get pregnant again. 

6 months after my son was born I got my tubes tied. My ex was not a person I cared to have more children with, and I made the decision and the appointment without his consultation. I don't recommend doing it that way necessarily, but I had good reason to.


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## green0909 (Sep 22, 2011)

My mom will help out a day here and there, but not full-time like before. I'm getting my tubes tied in the near future, just waiting a little bit before having to take time off of work again. Trust me, I WILL NOT let it happen again!!!!!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

You'll find something. Ask some of your co-workers who have kids who they use for daycare, ask your neighbors or facebook friends that live near you if they recommend a place. In my neighborhood we have 2 or 3 stay at home moms who babysit daily for working neighbors.


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