# OMG! My 8 year-old found porn on the computer!



## LonelyNLost

I'm completely and totally in awe. Let me preface this by saying that I'm a teacher of children this age, and I know they are starting earlier, but this blew my mind. 

I was on Safari on our PC, and my H uses that computer mainly, but he browses with IE. However, my son is used to Macs at school, so he browses with Safari. Somehow, the other day, I happened upon the browsing history on Safari, and it had weird searches, including searches for girls with penises. I was baffled, but figured maybe my H was bored. LOL. 

So today, I realize that it's probably my son because of the way some things were spelled. I asked him about google searching, and he said I said he could. He hardly ever goes online to do anything, and when he does it's to play games on Lego.com or nick.com. He started getting upset when I asked him what he searched for and blamed it on a boy at school. He goes to school with me in the morning since i have to be there an hour before school starts. Another teacher has a son the same age, who is a little precocious to say the least. My son said that it was that boy's idea to look for pictures of penises. However, the computers have a mighty firewall in an elementary school, so I doubt they saw anything at school. So I ask how it became an idea to do it at home and he says the boy got him addicted! My 8 year-old just told me he was addicted to PORN! 

I didn't know how to react, he was obviously ashamed and embarrassed. My H wasn't home, so I quickly texted him a "Houston, we have a problem" text. He was surprised but also laughed a little about it, saying it's normal for boys to be curious, but frightening that there's so much on the internet. At that age, my H had to get into his parent's DVD's and magazines. The internet is scary! He's in the living room talking to him now. When he heard me talking to his dad on the phone he was crying like crazy. My H is focusing on telling him how it's normal to be curious, and that a lot of crap on the internet is photoshopped and fake. He is trying to make him understand that he can talk to him about any questions he has. I heard my son say, "why do people do that?" Which is sort of funny and a really good question. 

I'm mortified. Firewalls going up on home computer now and his computer use is limited. My dilemma is how uncomfortable I feel about it all. And do I tell the other kid's mom? Ugh. What mess. I'm not ready for him to grow up!


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## woodstock

HMH there is a free parental control called K9 that works well. That is scary... my daughter is 9 and I must say I am glad she is a bit of an immature one, very naive so far, hoping it stays that way for a LONG LONG time HAHA... Ya I am fooling myself, but hey I need my sanity HAAAA


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## LonelyNLost

woodstock said:


> HMH there is a free parental control called K9 that works well. That is scary... my daughter is 9 and I must say I am glad she is a bit of an immature one, very naive so far, hoping it stays that way for a LONG LONG time HAHA... Ya I am fooling myself, but hey I need my sanity HAAAA


Mine is (well, was) very innocent as well. All it takes is peer pressure and an idea at that age. Curiosity killed the cat! I'm flabbergasted. This is nuts.


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## woodstock

Luckily she is still immune to peer pressure... Doesn't really care what other kids do, and still runs home to check with me if she should do something she is not sure about. Sometimes leaves me scratching my head when she will figure out how to be sneaky HAHA She does know how to google though, since I got sick of answering insane questions, I now just toss her the tablet and tell her to google away HAHA She might look up boobies or something, but that's it. She knows what a penis is, but since she has already seen one, she has no interest in repeating the visual HAAAAA THat's my girl


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## major misfit

Certainly my worst nightmare described here. My son has an acquaintance that comes over to play sometimes (his mother owns the beauty shop next door) and they play on the same baseball team..but they're not really friends. They just hang out sometimes. This kid is being raised by a Trogladite, and is always making references to "boobs" and "tits". I've had to tell him IN THIS HOME, those remarks are disrespectful and not tolerated. This is just the beginning with this kid. Needless to say, I don't let them hang out much. 

I asked my SO this question, since for all intents and purposes he is my son's father. (he's raised him since he was 3) He told me pretty much the same thing your husband said, about curiosity being normal, photoshopping, etc...but he added something else. Said he'd talk to him about the beauty of the human body in its' natural form, that there are many ART pieces devoted to the beauty of the human body. I kinda liked the art aspect of it...tossing aside the "smut" that I know is out there even in the art world. 

Then he tells me I've got about 2 years before my son (he's 10, btw) is more than curious about the body and sex in general. I think I'm going to go throw up now.


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## LonelyNLost

Yeah, when I think about this, I want to puke! My dilemma is, though, do I tell the mom of the other boy? Because it could have been her son starting it, but it could also be my son. I just don't know. I guess if I were her, I'd want to know. Even if it's just to give her a heads up to put parental controls on the home computer.


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## greeneyeddolphin

major misfit said:


> Certainly my worst nightmare described here. My son has an acquaintance that comes over to play sometimes (his mother owns the beauty shop next door) and they play on the same baseball team..but they're not really friends. They just hang out sometimes. This kid is being raised by a Trogladite, and is always making references to "boobs" and "tits". I've had to tell him IN THIS HOME, those remarks are disrespectful and not tolerated. This is just the beginning with this kid. Needless to say, I don't let them hang out much.
> 
> I asked my SO this question, since for all intents and purposes he is my son's father. (he's raised him since he was 3) He told me pretty much the same thing your husband said, about curiosity being normal, photoshopping, etc...but he added something else. Said he'd talk to him about the beauty of the human body in its' natural form, that there are many ART pieces devoted to the beauty of the human body. I kinda liked the art aspect of it...tossing aside the "smut" that I know is out there even in the art world.
> 
> Then he tells me I've got about 2 years before my son (he's 10, btw) is more than curious about the body and sex in general. I think I'm going to go throw up now.


I'm with you on the throw up part. My oldest will be 10 on Sunday. My boyfriend told me the other day that he was going to talk to him about girls and sex in a year or so, and I told him I'd already been talking to him about sex. My boyfriend laughed and said, "Honey, there are some things only a man can tell him, and even if a woman could, no boy wants to hear it from his mother."

As for the OP, we've discussed how curiosity is normal and that there's nothing wrong with the human body. There's nothing wrong with sex or anything surrounding sex (well, except for rape or incest, of course, but those are different issues.).He also said that he would talk to him about the kind of girl you want to be with and the kind you want to avoid. We haven't talked about how to handle the use of words like boobs and tits that major described her son's friend using, but I guess I know what we'll be talking about later tonight. 

Also, in regard to telling the other parent...I would. I would find a way to phrase it where it doesn't sound like you're blaming her kid. "Johnny was looking up penises online the other day, and he said that he and Billy came up with the idea in computer lab. I know I would want to know if another parent had found out, so I felt that I should let you know."


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## major misfit

I agree with Truckersgirl about telling the other mother, only b/c I'd want to know myself. You probably know that a lot of parents when told of something, immediately go on the defensive and act as though you're accusing their child of something when you're really not. I'd just tread very carefully, but I would tell her.


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## LonelyNLost

Thanks, I will tell her. We work together and are pretty good friends through work, and she's very open. I think I'd want to know, too. Just trying to figure out how exactly to phrase it without freaking her out.


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## Xena

Just curious...for parents that educate their kids about sex...why do you talk about 'what kind of girl your son will want to be with' (like the previous poster). I mean why talk about JUST girls? What if they're into boys too? It's making big assumptions to just tell them about male / female sex, it could confuse the kids into thinking thats the 'right' way to do it. Kid's should be educated about girl / girl and boy / boy as well, especially boy / boy in terms of sex protection like stds etc that come from anal sex. I also dont understand why the thought of your son / daughter being into sex is throw up? Maybe cause im not a parent, but theyre a person in their own right you know, not just 'a child'. Child is just a stage they go through.


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## WhereAmI

Xena said:


> Just curious...for parents that educate their kids about sex...why do you talk about 'what kind of girl your son will want to be with' (like the previous poster). I mean why talk about JUST girls? What if they're into boys too?


With my eight year old, when the time comes I'll educate him mainly on heterosexual sex. I'm 99% certain that he's straight. We've been completely open about homosexuality. He understands what it means to be gay. Right now he thinks it's "gross", which I figure is typical for someone his age. I let him know that he can discuss those feelings with us, but that it would be disrespectful to say around other people. He knows that his father and I support gay marriage rights and he says he shares the same belief. I will offer to share about homosexual acts, but it won't be my main focus. 

I'm pretty happy with how our discussions go now. I end every conversation that involves sex by asking him if he has more questions and letting him know he can ask more at any time. I want my children to have healthy sex lives. I'm admittedly crossing my fingers and hoping it waits til marriage, though.

My husband lost his virginity at 12, which scares the hell out of me. I think I'll be having the insanely detailed talk with my son when he's 10. That seems so young.


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## major misfit

Xena said:


> Just curious...for parents that educate their kids about sex...why do you talk about 'what kind of girl your son will want to be with' (like the previous poster). I mean why talk about JUST girls? What if they're into boys too? It's making big assumptions to just tell them about male / female sex, it could confuse the kids into thinking thats the 'right' way to do it. Kid's should be educated about girl / girl and boy / boy as well, especially boy / boy in terms of sex protection like stds etc that come from anal sex. I also dont understand why the thought of your son / daughter being into sex is throw up? Maybe cause im not a parent, but theyre a person in their own right you know, not just 'a child'. Child is just a stage they go through.


I am teaching my child about hetereosexual sex b/c at this STAGE in his life, he thinks being gay is "gross" too. And while they're people, they're still children, and have to be treated as such. 

Being a child might just be a "stage", but it's a very important one. As far as the "throw up" comment? Only another mother would understand that one.


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## greeneyeddolphin

Xena said:


> Just curious...for parents that educate their kids about sex...why do you talk about 'what kind of girl your son will want to be with' (like the previous poster). I mean why talk about JUST girls? What if they're into boys too? It's making big assumptions to just tell them about male / female sex, it could confuse the kids into thinking thats the 'right' way to do it. Kid's should be educated about girl / girl and boy / boy as well, especially boy / boy in terms of sex protection like stds etc that come from anal sex. I also dont understand why the thought of your son / daughter being into sex is throw up? Maybe cause im not a parent, but theyre a person in their own right you know, not just 'a child'. Child is just a stage they go through.


With my oldest, it's what kind of girl because he likes girls. With my youngest, we're fairly certain he's straight, so it will also be girls. 

I will be teaching them (and have in very basic terms) about protection. Sex, regardless of who it's with, requires protection, and males having sex with other males is not any more dangerous than males having sex with females. It's all dangerous if it's unprotected and outside of a committed, monogamous relationship. 

As for educating them on homosexual sex, so far all I've been teaching my sons is the basics about the fact that it's how you make a baby and that the feelings surrounding it are normal and there's nothing wrong. I've not yet fully informed him on exactly how it all works (no tab A into slot B kind of stuff), so it'd be kinda hard to teach him about homosexual sex. 

And in regard to homosexuality in general....my favorite uncle is gay, my mother is bi, the maid of honor in my first wedding, as well as the best man were both gay, and the woman that performed the ceremony was bi. Probably 75% of the people I know are either bi or gay. My sons already have a very good understanding of the fact that love can take any form. I don't need to pound it into their heads when they already understand it. 

And as major said...only a mother can understand throwing up at the thought of your child having sex. Best way to compare for someone who doesn't have kids is to think about how you felt knowing your parents had sex when you were a kid. Not quite the same, but close.


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## DragonPoet

OK, let me start off with a little history of myself.

When I was 9 or 10, I discovered what wonders the internet had to offer. It started out small and simple, searches like "girls naked" or "boobs". My mother found the searches (at the time we were using AOL with DSL! *strangers voice: DSL? what is that? Lol*) limited my account. Then I went to forums for my age group manly about puberty and sex and whatnot. Then I tried to get really sneaky, I tried to delete my history, delete saved cookies, go to every search engine I could find. But she still found out. Keep in mind that I had been masturbating daily. It became an addiction. So bad to the point to where if I had a day off from school, I would spend all day trying to find porn or anything related to it. As an adult, I do have "some" handle on the whole porn addiction thing, but that's a different story for a different thread.

So, after that being said, my advice to you is this: he is going to do what is penis tells him to do. Sorry to say it, but there is nothing you can do about it. But there is things you can do to help him.

1) Talk to him about it. Make sure to tell him everything: from development to relationships to sex. Ask if there's any questions and if so you're always able help help him. What I got (I love my mom but hate to say it) was a book. I honestly believe that the parents talking to their kids is easier. He needs to be able to feel like he can come to you for anything.

2) Watch his time one the internet carefully. Even though my mom caught me multiple times and I had gotten our internet account suspended more times than I can count, she would delete my account, made sure that I wasn't about to get on unless at school for months at a time. She would break down, create a new account for me, and the process would start again. Now I am not saying to rule with an iron fist, but... just be careful with this

Hope this helps. (I would have had 3 but lost my train of though. It's late and I can't sleep. Lol)


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## moonangel

I agree with dragonpoet that you talk to him about it but I don't think you need to go into details because their minds really won't be able to handle all that information. They just need to understand the very basics.

I have an 8 year old who has asked some curious questions and I've only answered those questions without giving too much because as she gets older, she'll revisit those questions again and at those times, I will provide more answers.

Recently, she saw on TV Rosey O'Donald talking about her girlfriend (or wife) and asked me, "Why is a girl with a girl? That is weird." This was the first time she's ever heard of this so I told her, "There are some girls in the world who prefer to like girls and some boys prefer to like boys. They are just born that way and it's okay." She replied, "I like boys."

Recently also she has learned about racism in America (between blacks and whites). This was hard for me to talk to her about because I got teary-eyed just thinking about slavery and how crazy it must have been to be a slave back then. But, I did my best to teach her what I knew about that part of American history. She was shocked to know there were slaves and that they were African-Americans. Her best friend is African-American so it broke her heart to hear this. Even though it was a long time ago (the slavery thing), I told her that racism still exists and she said, "I don't understand why they don't like their skin color." Of course, our conversation got more positive talking about Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln and their importance.

Anyway, sorry to go off topic. My point was, tackle them as they appear. Even though you get shocked, don't show it. Treat it as if you expected they'd ask or find out one day and then say, "Now that you saw that..." or "Speaking of porn on the computer...." Be creative and smart about it. Be two steps ahead even when inside you are exploding with frustration and complete electrical shock.


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## LonelyNLost

DragonPoet said:


> OK, let me start off with a little history of myself.
> 
> When I was 9 or 10, I discovered what wonders the internet had to offer. It started out small and simple, searches like "girls naked" or "boobs". My mother found the searches (at the time we were using AOL with DSL! *strangers voice: DSL? what is that? Lol*) limited my account. Then I went to forums for my age group manly about puberty and sex and whatnot. Then I tried to get really sneaky, I tried to delete my history, delete saved cookies, go to every search engine I could find. But she still found out. Keep in mind that I had been masturbating daily. It became an addiction. So bad to the point to where if I had a day off from school, I would spend all day trying to find porn or anything related to it. As an adult, I do have "some" handle on the whole porn addiction thing, but that's a different story for a different thread.
> 
> So, after that being said, my advice to you is this: he is going to do what is penis tells him to do. Sorry to say it, but there is nothing you can do about it. But there is things you can do to help him.
> 
> 1) Talk to him about it. Make sure to tell him everything: from development to relationships to sex. Ask if there's any questions and if so you're always able help help him. What I got (I love my mom but hate to say it) was a book. I honestly believe that the parents talking to their kids is easier. He needs to be able to feel like he can come to you for anything.
> 
> 2) Watch his time one the internet carefully. Even though my mom caught me multiple times and I had gotten our internet account suspended more times than I can count, she would delete my account, made sure that I wasn't about to get on unless at school for months at a time. She would break down, create a new account for me, and the process would start again. Now I am not saying to rule with an iron fist, but... just be careful with this
> 
> Hope this helps. (I would have had 3 but lost my train of though. It's late and I can't sleep. Lol)


Thanks for your perspective. My H said pretty much the same thing. He was about 9 when he found the DVD's and magazines. He says he learned everything about sex from porn (and he's a good lover, lol). But he did try to make it clear that he was there to answer questions if our son needed it. And even prompted him to ask questions while he was crying from embarrassment. Which is why he asked, "Why do people do those things?!" So I don't think he was looking out of sexual arousal or interest, just that he was curious. It started with penis searches, which brought up OTHER stuff and that piqued his interest and made him search for more and more. I mean, he searched for "girls butholes" and "girls penises" and "young girls penises". Which if you think about it, he saw something, and he's never really seen the female anatomy. I do think he's just curious. He was 6 when his sister was born and he always wanted to see diaper changes because he was so curious. He even insisted for the longest that she had a peepee. So I just told him that was her privates. 

I ended up just forming him his own windows user account and it's on lockdown. Just his favorite websites. He doesn't really get on the computer much or ask to. He's kinda young in some ways but very curious. He doesn't even like girls, although they are already asking him who he thinks is "hottest".  I'm going to have my hands full with that one. He'll be a lady killer. 

And on the gay thing, my son, somehow knows, that female and female lovers are called lesbians. Just very matter of factly told me one day, lol. I think we'll recover from this, and yes, he'll be curious but hopefully he'll feel open enough to ask questions.


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