# Married to a man who can't let go



## ahappe (Nov 25, 2020)

I've been married to "A" for 3.5 years. We have an 18 month old son. We're both in our 30's and struggling with the fact that we live 3 minutes from his parents and 3.5 hours from mine.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I'm guessing you mean he can't let go of his mother's apron strings ? The fact you give is not, in itself, a description of the problem. We can help you better if you are comfortable to illustrate specific behaviors and attitudes for us.

We have an extended family member who was the "baby" of the family, he was tied to his mother's apron strings, then to his wife's, and now that his wife has died of cancer at 47, he is tied to my wife's (his older sister) . I want to go tell him that it is time (51 yo) that he grows up and becomes a man. My wife would absolutely never forgive me if I did that. His dependence upon the rest of our family, and specifically upon my wife, makes me furious.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

ahappe said:


> I've been married to "A" for 3.5 years. We have an 18 month old son. We're both in our 30's and struggling with the fact that we live 3 minutes from his parents and 3.5 hours from mine.


You mean _you’re_ struggling, right? Cause he’s probably ... not.


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## ahappe (Nov 25, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> You mean _you’re_ struggling, right? Cause he’s probably ... not.


Haha, yes. Definitely I am struggling, but _our marriage_ is struggling too. After some thought, it's not that I struggle with living far from my parents, it's the push back I get whenever we plan to see them that frustrates me.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He may say he wants to get to know them but that’s not what his actions say.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

What’s the problem? His parents are too involved? Your parents aren’t involved enough? He isn’t making enough effort to spend time with your parents? Does your husband have an unhealthy attachment to his parents parents? This isn’t a guessing game please tell us what the problem actually is.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

FWIW, this dual-parent dynamic is common in marriages
Firmly, make your feelings known, expect him to be fair.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> What’s the problem? His parents are too involved? Your parents aren’t involved enough? He isn’t making enough effort to spend time with your parents? Does your husband have an unhealthy attachment to his parents parents? This isn’t a guessing game please tell us what the problem actually is.


OP has another thread where she is a bit more verbose.
Other thread


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