# How to bond with my girlfriends son



## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

hi everyone, been dating a girl for about 2.5 months, going good... She has a 17 year old son and 13 year old son.. The older one doesnt really talk to anyone and keeps to himself. The younger one ive hung out with a few times with his mom.. She has told me that he likes me etc.. So i see her generally on the weekends. Every time i go to see her, the younger son is always in his room playing xbox, and really doesnt come out but to eat or go to bathroom,(i thought ok typical teenager,but i did think was a little much) So i was suppose to see her friday after work and all weekend. She texted me that her younger son really missed her(he was with his dad all week for spring break) and asked if i could come up saturday instead as she wanted to bond with her son. I said sure no problem..She then told me that when im not there her younger son is always in the living room hanging out with his mom watching tv etc, she said he is her wingman on the weekends.She said he is not 100% comfortable around me yet..I totally get it.. I did feel really bad though, and told her that i would never come between the 2 of them...So should i just give it more time for me to bond with her son?? Im not obviously going to be pushy and force him to be comfy with me. I guess there really isnt no exact time frame for that to happen. she did say that sometimes she feels for bad for her some that im there all weekend and he is in his room all weekend. I told her that well maybe i can hang out with u during week occassionally and not come see u on a few weekends


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Your doing the right thing and not pushing yourself on her kids. 

Their old enough to know that there's possibly a new man in Moms life and it isn't their Dad. 

Your the new stranger in town and it's going to take a while before they feel comfortable with you so a good piece of advice is when the kids are around, don't try to get real close with Mom. In their eyes they aren't sure of you and you intentions. Be nice. Talk to them and give them a chance.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

That's a tough age. Schedule some sport events/get out there for a hike....maybe camping?

Whatever you do be VERY careful allowing your girl to move in or taking steps towards marriage. 

Legal responsibility for these kids can be directly on your shoulders (depending on the state/laws etc).I've seen stories of women/kids moving in and guys being on the hook....laws are sketchy.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

6301 said:


> Your doing the right thing and not pushing yourself on her kids.
> 
> Their old enough to know that there's possibly a new man in Moms life and it isn't their Dad.
> 
> Your the new stranger in town and it's going to take a while before they feel comfortable with you so a good piece of advice is when the kids are around, don't try to get real close with Mom. In their eyes they aren't sure of you and you intentions. Be nice. Talk to them and give them a chance.


i appreciate her comments, when im around her with her son, i dont try to be too affecionate or anything, and i talk to her sons and joke around with them, and try to make them feels at ease  ive told her that i really like her boys and they are very well mannered.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I personally think it's way to soon for you to have even met them. You've only been dating their mum for a few weeks, far too early to be able to know if this is going to be permanent. Those boys have been through the trauma of a divorce already. They don't need to get attached to someone else only to lose him too.

I didn't meet my husbands daughter until we knew that our relationship was serious and heading for marriage, and even then we took it very slowly with her...

I think you should step back from seeing her when the boys are there...and then go slowly - no sleepovers for a long time yet.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

frusdil said:


> I personally think it's way to soon for you to have even met them. You've only been dating their mum for a few weeks, far too early to be able to know if this is going to be permanent. Those boys have been through the trauma of a divorce already. They don't need to get attached to someone else only to lose him too.
> 
> I didn't meet my husbands daughter until we knew that our relationship was serious and heading for marriage, and even then we took it very slowly with her...
> 
> I think you should step back from seeing her when the boys are there...and then go slowly - no sleepovers for a long time yet.


We have talked about marriage and being together forever. She has even added me to her medical insurance as mine is to Damn expensive. .she is definitely my soul mate, regardless what people say that we've only dated for about 10 weeks..Both agreed that feels like we've been together for a long time..relationship has moved somewhat fast...she also has been divorced for 8 yrs.she did have a boyfriend that lived with her for a year a while back. ..I guess he was to controlling with her kids..I always tell my gf that we should include her boys with what we are doing..they are great kids..I guess I just need to be patient as the relationship is still new and hasn't been very long..It will eventually work out with her son I think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You're both confident about your relationship. That's what counts.

What sports do your future step sons play?


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> You're both confident about your relationship. That's what counts.
> 
> What sports do your future step sons play?


The oldest son plays lacrosse, and the younger plays basketball..they both play video games, xbox/play station. ...I also enjoy video games too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I personally think it's way to soon for you to have even met them. You've only been dating their mum for a few weeks, far too early to be able to know if this is going to be permanent. Those boys have been through the trauma of a divorce already. They don't need to get attached to someone else only to lose him too.
> 
> I didn't meet my husbands daughter until we knew that our relationship was serious and heading for marriage, and even then we took it very slowly with her...
> 
> I think you should step back from seeing her when the boys are there...and then go slowly - no sleepovers for a long time yet.


I agree 100%

it's also an indicator of this woman's intelligence. What kind of a woman brings a man to the house within weeks of meeting them.

Not a smart one IMO


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

FishKing said:


> We have talked about marriage and being together forever. She has even added me to her medical insurance as mine is to Damn expensive. .she is definitely my soul mate, regardless what people say that we've only dated for about 10 weeks..Both agreed that feels like we've been together for a long time..relationship has moved somewhat fast...she also has been divorced for 8 yrs.she did have a boyfriend that lived with her for a year a while back. ..I guess he was to controlling with her kids..I always tell my gf that we should include her boys with what we are doing..they are great kids..I guess I just need to be patient as the relationship is still new and hasn't been very long..It will eventually work out with her son I think
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. This phase will end in about 2 years and when it ends, whatever you are left with at that point will be the reality.

Right now, you are just in the lala land.

10 weeks and you are thinking marriage? You don't even know this woman well yet.

Give it time........you are setting yourself up for failure IMO.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

To me it sounds like she's pulling back from the relationship. Perhaps this has all moved too fast. 

For bonding, try inviting both of them to do something. Doesn't matter what.....a hike, ballgame, fishing, ice skating whatever. Just make sure it's something fun where you're away from the house and XBox. So you really go over to her house for a whole weekend and just sit around?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What kind of medical insurance company allows a boyfriend of 10 weeks onto the plan when he doesn't even live in the same house? You're not a dependent, not married, not registered domestic partners, not living together and have only been dating a couple months. I'm thinking you're not telling us the whole story. IF what you said about the relationship is true, THEN what you said about the insurance is a lie. Or vice-versa.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

It's too soon for you to meet her kids, let alone "bond" with them. Then add that you two are talking marriage. Oh my, this has disaster written all over it IMO.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Kid likes xbox. Go through his games and play them with him. Thats really all it takes. Youre talking married after a couple months of knowing her? Seriously? Honestly dude, it takes like years of LIVING with someone to get to know them. I'd rethink that. The first 6 months is the euphoria stage. It fades.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

FishKing said:


> We have talked about marriage and being together forever. She has even added me to her medical insurance as mine is to Damn expensive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whoa...seriously?

Oh my...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Yes they are, but it's still far too early for them to be involved on any level with a new partner.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

FishKing said:


> The oldest son plays lacrosse, and the younger plays basketball..they both play video games, xbox/play station. ...I also enjoy video games too
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Go to their games.

Take them to pro games. Take them fishing. Outdoor activities, endless things to choose from.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

One thing I want to add about taking them places. Don't be discouraged when they don't like something at first or it's not successful.

Think of it as camping. First few times you go it's HARD and not too enjoyable. More you go, easier it gets and more you enjoy it.

Don't give up with whatever you do.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I don't think he should try too hard, however. They may never like him. OP, just be friendly and maybe ask a few questions to show you are interested. If they answer in monosyllables, just stop asking. 

Try not to get too emotionally invested in them, because it may not be worth it. As long as things are cordial, all is well.

And I think her asking you to stay home until Saturday is a sign that she is stepping back from the relationship for now. Maybe she feels guilty about having a new man? Speculations are endless, but protect yourself. Don't get your feelings hurt.


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