# trying to improve my marriage



## charmingprince (Aug 15, 2011)

hi
i have been married for years , and am not very attracted physically by my wife
any advice ?
we are not getting along very well anyhow (she s doing things without taking me into account , and even if the consequences are unpleasant for me) i detached myself from her a lot

thanks


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## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

Have you tried marriage counseling?

Have you tried to tell her that you feel her actions are selfish and should take you into account?

I would try and get that lack of communciation figured out first. 

The attraction you can work on later.

It is normal for someone in your situation to make themselves separate from their spouse. So that is ok, if it stops you from getting hurt at the moment, it is a good idea. But I would definitely tell her your take on the situation. What sort of things is she doing?


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## charmingprince (Aug 15, 2011)

thanks for your response
as a general example , let s say i want to go to A , and she wants to go to B . she first go to B , and come late , and i can t go to A . i keep telling her that it s important for me , but it doesn t help much , and then i give up going to A

we tried marriage counseling already

how to work on the attraction issue , i am confused about that ( and even feel a little guilty about it


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its resentment, if you didn't have so much of it for her, then you would think she was the hottest chick ever.

Thats what happened in my marriage, come to find out alot of guy thought my wife was hot.

I can tell you why, face it you found her attractive at some point, but know you have a different view b/c of all the BS that goes along with marriage.

Resentment is a marriage killer, I wish I had some great words of wisdom to get through it.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

Try counseling again. You need to speak freely and that can be hard over the table.


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## charmingprince (Aug 15, 2011)

thanks a lot


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## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

"the guy" is correct. A lot of your loss of attraction can be from the amount she is hurting you with right now.

When you went to counseling, did you both WANT it? Sprinter is saying to try counseling again, and you can, like he says though you need to explain everything, no matter how big or small the detail. So the counselor can do their job.

But you can try and do this on your own if you feel that isn't the route you want to go.

Have you told her that her actions are hurting your marriage? And it is making a distance between you two?


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