# Blindsided and Lost



## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Found TAM a short while ago. Hoping a journal and a thread for my thoughts will help. Also helps to hear from others.
D-Day was Feb, 5th 2013 

Sorry for the long story, I figure more discussion will bring up past situations but I have to explain some of it. 

Brief info on Me/Her and PosOM: I’m 26 and so is she, she is slightly older. We were married for just over 2 years now, been together over 4 total. We have a beautiful little girl who just turned 3.

POSOM is 47 years old. She recently switched from working the night shift doing housekeeping at the hospital; she trained him to take over her area. This was back in January, they only worked together for 1 week and I never knew they were in ANY contact after she switched. As far as I know this was the first time they met as well.

STBXW picked me up from work, we carpooled together since she got her new job and we started work at the same time. We got one block from my work and she pulled over saying we needed to talk. She told me she didn’t love me anymore and wanted a divorce. The rest of the car ride home I was lost and couldn’t figure out what was going on or what happen. She wouldn’t really give me a straight answer until we got about 2 blocks from our home that we purchased in August 2012.

She admitted to me that she slept with another man and again repeated that she didn’t have feelings for me anymore. After she told me I was crossed between the most pain I have ever felt and the strongest anger and hate I couldn’t imagine. We got home and we were yelling and fighting…….I felt so broken and couldn't stop crying. She wouldn’t tell me why she was even over there (she had lied and said she was going to see a girlfriend of hers) or why it happened, all she would say is she just came onto him but nothing how she ended up there.

Added Info (4/28) Thought I should mention, that Saturday she slept with PosOM, she came home shortly after acting like nothing was wrong and made love to me as well. The next day she wouldn't touch me though.

She said she needed to take a walk and get some air. She ended up getting in her car and leaving – she never lived at the house again except for 1 night. The next few days we spoke on the phone, she was completely cold and heartless. Had no feeling or thoughts of trying to fix our marriage. We met a few days later at a coffee shop and I talked to her about the idea of living apart and starting from the beginning. Just dating each other. We have a beautiful 3 year old Daughter together and I wanted my family back. She seemed generally happy and open to the idea and was glad to see that I was willing to work towards forgiving her if she was willing to earn the forgiveness.

At first she seemed like she wanted to, but grew distant. I asked her about POSOM and if she still talked to him. She told me POSOM didn’t want anything to do with a married woman and regretted what he did and said they could not be in contact anymore. She told me after the one night, he said he was sorry and to go home to her husband and family and what they did was wrong. As time went on she grew more and more distant but we were still talking. At this time, her and our DD were living with her parents.

She came over about 3 weeks after D-Day. We were going to spend time together as a Family at the house. An instance came up to where I knew there was something suspicious going on and I ended up looking in her phone. What I read has traumatized me to this day. They were still together. I read 2 weeks of graphic and sexual text messages between them. 

I got to read about some of their sexual encounters and how much she loves going down on him…

I visited her on Valentine’s Day and surprised her at work. She actually got mad at me for the gesture. Found out she texted him and said “Happy Valentine’s Day, I love you” 5 minutes after I left.

She called me drunk one night and we talked for about 2 hours. She called him right after. She texted him an apology the next day for calling him while being drunk.

The next day I went to the Law and Justice Center and got the paperwork for divorce. MT is a no fault state and I don’t have the money for a lawyer. They have Do it yourself paperwork which I picked up.

For the next few weeks after that we were still talking every few days and started to work on paperwork together. At that point it was pretty clear she wasn’t interested in fixing our marriage and she wanted a life with him.

Her Parents were treating her like crap as you can imagine so at the end of March she moved in with him and has been there ever since now. Unfortunately this also means my Daughter is living with them.

We got the divorce paperwork turned in; our court date is May 3rd. We will have split custody and trade off every other week. Child support is still up in the air for the moment although I have a feeling I will have to pay her as I make more money which I think is complete BS given the situation.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Over this whole ordeal, I admit that I have tried to beg and get her back multiple times which I know was the worst thing I could have done. Although I believe this was an Exit A and she wanted out. We almost separated before the New Year which we mutually agreed may be beneficial to our relationship, she actually moved out but I told her I felt this was a huge mistake (so did she) and asked her to move back home. She did and we spent Christmas together as a family. She started her new job and I thought things were improving in our lives. We had a few snags but I never thought imagined it would end up like this. Our lives had been stressful and things moved quickly but I thought we were happy and loved each other. We went through a lot together in such a short time.

At this point I both Hate and Love her still. I feel completely lost in my life as I don’t have many friends and I spend most nights alone unless I get to see my little one. I still live at the house but it is up for sale, if it doesn’t go soon I am going to put it up for rent. The idea that she is in a happy new relationship is crippling to me every day and I can’t stop thinking about them having sex with every spare moment they have. Nothing would make me happier than to see them fail, which truthfully I shouldn’t care anymore.

I started seeing a counselor just last week, I’m hoping it will help me learn and grow from this and just MOVE ON although it seems impossible at this point.

I realized this turned into somewhat of a storytelling rant. I’m a little farther in this process compared to where most start to journal and talk on TAM about this but I feel like I’m still sitting at square one some days. Guess I’m just hoping to reach out for help as because the official date is next week, it seems like people are tired of hearing about it even though this whole thing has only gone on for about 3 months now. The more I talk about it, the easier it seems to get as well.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

This is the third ****ING time. She acciddentally sent me a text meant for him. Luckily this time it only said "Hi Baby". I told her she needs to pay more attention and to please stop and she snapped back that it was just an accident. I don't need the reminders.....

I'm tired of fighitng with her and I try to just be cordial the few times I have to see/deal with her. 

How is it someone can just "turn it off" like that? I mean ****ing seriosly!?

I was basically raising two children because of what her parents did to her. My family was my life.

Now she is off with POSOM and acting like everything is so much better and acts like I should just be over everything. This guy is a 47 year old loser who doesn't even own a car. He's old enough to be her father!

And yet I feel like the loser, my wife ran off on me to THAT.

WTF has happened.......


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

What happened?

You became her doormat and let her wipe her feet on you.

Have you exposed their behavior?


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Conrad said:


> What happened?
> 
> You became her doormat and let her wipe her feet on you.
> 
> Have you exposed their behavior?


We are split and the divorce processing has already begun because of it. Seems like this all moved a lot quicker than it does for most.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostInMT said:


> We are split and the divorce processing has already begun because of it. Seems like this all moved a lot quicker than it does for most.


Just make sure you work on you.

Or, future relationships will end up just this way.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

MT,

Focus on YOU and your daughter. It seems like you should change your number so you do not get any more frustrating communications.

You should expose them to her family, his wife, their co-workers. Their actions should be known for others to make decisions about their interactions with some pretty mean people.

Consider getting some counseling and make sure you have some family and friends that you can contact in a moment's notice to help you get over any mini-crisis'.

Good luck I know you are probably hurting and confused,
Stretch


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Lost -- Looking at your timeline -- you said you almost split during the holidays, but she didn't start working with posOM til January? There were obviously issues then before her affair with him. You've also mentioned 'raising two children because of what her parents did to her.' What kinds of things were you dealing with before this?

I'm glad you are here talking to us, and I'm glad you're in IC, too. In case you haven't already, you might want to check out the book Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie. It's pretty much the first thing many of us should read when we find ourselves in this situation -- where you've been treated like utter crap, but still find yourself loving and missing your spouse. 

Like others have said here, work on you. I'm sorry this happened. I can imagine how painful it was for her to drop this on you. But hard as it might be to believe now, when this is done, you will not miss the craziness of living with someone like that. That's why it's so important to work on you -- find out why you were attracted to someone with her issues, and find out why you were attractive to her. Unless we break the patterns, we will carry them into future relationships.

I'm glad you'll be getting half custody, at least, too. I agree with trying to get yourself a social network on the ground -- co-workers, people at church, others who will help you get out from thinking about her, and who can help you there. 

Take care, LiMT, and keep posting.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

angelpixie said:


> Lost -- Looking at your timeline -- you said you almost split during the holidays, but she didn't start working with posOM til January? There were obviously issues then before her affair with him. You've also mentioned 'raising two children because of what her parents did to her.' What kinds of things were you dealing with before this?


We used to fight a lot, it was mostly about really small and stupid things. That is mostly what the seperation was about. We wanted to basically live seperate and "date" each other for a little while. She moved out the week before Christmas but I had asked her to come home. We both felt what we were doing was wrong and a huge mistake. The next 2 weeks before she started her new job were the best we''d been together for a while. She was really stressed out after starting her new job (which is expected) but from how things went after we almost seperated I really never would have imagined what came next to ever happen.

She was really sheltered by her parents, they live in a very small town about an hour away. They are very old fashioned and raised her to believe all the usual crap about a "woman's" role in a family. From the begining I always told her that was BS and she was capable of so much in her life and that she was my partner and equal. There were many aspects of our life, little things like taking care of our bills and such that I had to do otherwise they wouldn't get done. I tried to sit down and show her our finances, she got it one day and the next it was just....gone. I know that's not the best example but we did fight about money and it was fustrating when I tried to show her these things and she had no interest, she would just get mad that we didn't have the money to go do whatever.

I guess i've never had to actually describe these situations before or try to explain how I felt and why. :scratchhead:

I'm definitley going to look into that book you mentioned. I know I have the issue of being a co dependent because even though it felt annoying at time, I liked the feeling of taking care of her/my family. I have a lot of idle time now and it's hard for me to take an interest in anything.

Right now it's really hard for me to distinguish whether I miss "her" or if it's just the general loneliness that is getting to me. I do miss "us" and having my family "home" tremedously. If anything I feel extremely jealous of her and PosOM. She doesn't have to deal with being alone after what she did and he has what I had/want (or wanted) back.

She was my wife and lover but sometimes I feel more importantly she was my best friend. 

Even though I pushed to get the divorce paperwork done as quickly as possible as I'm hoping it will help me move forward ,there are still days I wish I would just hear a knock at the door. She would be there wanting to come home.....

I miss feeling her touch and being able to hold her.....


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Dang.. so many feelings that are the same with me.. Hang in there MT.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

I just realized that I don't even like to look at my OWN last name anymore....... I just get a sinking feeling from it which I find rather odd.

This ever happen to anyone?


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

When I file, I am going to demand that my WAW stop using my last name.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

She wants to shack up with 'daddy type' POSOM

what a father figure.....no car....no life

She did not cheat because of him, it could have been any one

she wants out, give her EXACTLY what she wants

sit back and observe @ 50k ft.

your phone will be ringing soon and guess what? 

the calls WILL be for YOU


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Stretch said:


> When I file, I am going to demand that my WAW stop using my last name.


Honestly the idea that she is still going to use it is not what bothers me. It just reminds me of us...

Unfortunately there is no way I can force her to change it back. She told me she hates her Maiden name and wants to share the same name as her Daughter.



Chuck71 said:


> She wants to shack up with 'daddy type' POSOM
> 
> what a father figure.....no car....no life
> 
> ...


I'm giving her what she wants, I pretty much did 90% if not more of the paperwork for the divorce otherwise it wouldn't get done. I'm curios to see if something changes once it's actually final through the court (can't stop caring even though I wish I could). I have a feeling I will be a mess that day and she is not going to give it a second thought which will only make it worse for me.

I talk to her as little as possible really and don't talk about "us" when we do. It's just about dealing with the house or working out details about our little one. Lately she has tried to talk to me like I'm her friend or something which is just confusing to me right now.

We have found a daycare for our Daughter so I won't have to see her every few days. We will be able to start the every other week trade off. She has shown no emotion towards what she has done to our Daughter's life. I'm curios how she will act the first week she spends with me. 

I'm honestly afriad that day might come, part of me doesn't think it ever will though. I just hope if/when it does it won't break me.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Nothing wrong with loving the person she was. I still love my ex but that person has died. 

Up until it is final, a lot of things will happen....bet the farm on it. I thought the day of final was going to bother me. It did not.....I took new gal out to eat later that day. Focus on you! You will be amazed at the progress you will obtain.

Start a co-parenting plan. Stick to it!

I recall a guy posted in January his W/ex showed up at the final all dressy and proper, acted as if she did not care. She then went to the car and cried. Facade??

She wants you to be friends is her way of softening her guilt. Friends do not divorce friends.

You WILL get through this. I came along at the same time as ReGroup, Zillard and Gut Punched. We all made it through the fire. My story is the most boring, no kids. The other three makes for great reading. Would be a nice weekend read for you.

Hang in there, I was right where you are very recently. Vent away....... what TAM is for.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Yesterday wasn't so bad. Had to speak with STBXW about upcoming schedules for our Daughter and some repairs around the house as the Realtor is doing an open house tomorrow.

Was a little sad throughout the day but nothing too bad, tried to keep my mind on other things.

Last night she tried to call me and I just ignored it. She immediately called again, still ignored it. 20 Minutes later she called again and then one last time about 10 minutes after that.

Finally I guess she realized I wasn't going to answer so she started texting me. Of course the first words were 'Since you won't speak to me". She started sending me messages about pointless crap.

Our Daughter got a haircut. She has really curly hair and it was just getting a little hard to manage. STBXW wanted to let me know so I wouldn't get mad!? Really? 

Then she told me that I was going to have to take our Daughter for her Doc appointment on Monday. I was already planning on taking her anyway, she was going to meet me there....

Then she just ranted on about Daycare and money for the repairs (She made the decision to buy the home with me, I'm having her pay half to try and fix up a few things.)

Then she started blabbing about disciplining our Little One differently.

It was a total of 17 text messages over an hour of already known or pointless info.

Why is she trying to be friendly and talk to me about crap I don't care about lately? I've made it pretty clear we are not friends and I could care less about her life anymore.

I have to admit it felt good to just ignore the calls and not respond to any of the text yesterday. Strange thing is she called again this morning and I finally answered and she proceeded to repeat everything from the text messages even after I told her I got all of them......What in the hell?

Is she really that delusional into thinking we are still friends or something? Or as Chuck put it, she is ignoring the fact that I say I want nothing to do with her or care about her life and trying to act friendly to lessen her guilt or does she actually believe we can be friends or something?



***********************************

This morning was OK I guess besides the one phone call. Was trying to clean up the house and was on the phone with my friend's mother for a while. My friend and his family "adopted" me so to speak as we are all very close. Her husband cheated and left her a few years ago, in a way it's nice to talk to someone who can relate.

Between cleaning and having to leave periodically for work the morning/afternoon went by somewhat quickly.

Unfortunately the day has pretty much been destroyed as I ran across STBXW/POSOM and my Little One at the grocery store. They were far enough away that I didn't really see what he looks like (I can't deal with having more images in my head) but it pretty much broke me to see Her laughing and smiling with him.

It's hard to see my Daughter but not want to go up to her....Let alone see them together.

To be so sad and heartbroken and yet full of hate and anger at the same time is really strange to feel at the same time.

I really hope I can sleep tonight now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why haven't you called her work and reported the affair to HR?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

There was a post made about two years ago about letting someone go. I can't remember who posted it but hopefully a TAM vet can remember. Blowing up the affair at their work destroys the fantasy she is currently in. There will be many days where she calls / texts you time after time. They will make more sense as things unfold


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Why haven't you called her work and reported the affair to HR?


That should have been priority #1 jmo.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Why haven't you called her work and reported the affair to HR?


Guess I never thought about doing it. I wouldn't have thought that their employer would have done anything.

Plus they don't work "together" anymore, they only did for that week until she switched departments.

************************************************

Woke up rather depressed today, didn't sleep all that well because of how last night ended and today was my last day of my second job that I rather enjoy. I'm giving it up because I work 7 days a week and wouldn't be able to enjoy any time (or even be available to watch) with my Daughter when we start the parenting plan. I'm happy that I will have the time for my Daughter now and get to put more distance between me and the STBXW, guess it's just another one of those reminders that my life has been ripped apart. 

Had an open house today and my Realtor said a family called her later tonight and made an appointment to see her tomorrow. Hoping a decent offer comes through so I can get out of this house, think that will be a big help to me mentally. In that crappy limbo stage of trying to get out of here an move on but not being financially able because of the mortgage.

Luckily the way my schedule works out I get my Little One tonight and tomorrow night. Going to drop her off on Tuesday morning to the STBX and will be able to kick off the parenting plan, won't pick her up until this coming Saturday but I will hang onto her until the 13th. Will be the longest stretch of time I've been able to have her since the beginning of all this.

After reading others' stories and thinking of my own, the BS really gets the shaft through this whole ordeal upfront. Talk about a complete mind %#[email protected] Still in that frame of mind where the idea of finding someone else and being happy again just seems like a pipe dream or something.

5 Days left until the final day and there seems to be a good chance I may get this offer on a house. Makes me sick to my stomach to realize how quickly it's all fallen apart.

Completely enrages me that she has to take any opportunity to throw it in my face that she is ready to just move on with her life lately too.

Thank you all for the encouragement so far. I've survived plenty of physical beatings throughout life and either came out the same if not better, no reason I can't survive this mental one and come out better.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Conrad said:


> What happened?
> 
> You became her doormat and let her wipe her feet on you.
> 
> Have you exposed their behavior?


What good does exposing their behaviour do? 

I personally feel exposing them is stooping to their level, getting into the drama triangle and being as trashy as them. But pls explain if there is reasoning behind this.

I don't need to expose my STBXH and his pregnant OW. They are doing it themselves and getting full blessings from everyone in their sick circle of family and friends.

How can anyone think a man cheating on his wife and special needs child with a friend of his daughter's from church and getting her pregnant, is ok?

Everyone is SO HAPPY for them. WTF?


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## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

wow, that sounds brutal, brokenbythis. i'm so sorry. It's not ok what they're doing, though, you know that. You will find people who agree with you and build a life based on trust and decency and strong morals. You will!


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

lucy mulholland said:


> wow, that sounds brutal, brokenbythis. i'm so sorry. It's not ok what they're doing, though, you know that. You will find people who agree with you and build a life based on trust and decency and strong morals. You will!


Believe me I have morals and my ex doesn't. I wouldn't be involved in anything like this in a million years. My friends and family think he is disgusting. I blocked him and his sicko friends and family from facebook - I don't want to hear or see any of their crap, its none of my business. They can do what they like - screw up their lives as much as they want.

The only thing that hurts and annoys me is my little boy getting dragged through their mud and watching it all unfold. And having that skank of a woman mothering my child 2 days a week. I seem to have very little control over that. The courts don't give a damn if it doesn't involve violence, drugs or alcohol. The freakin custody mediator even said its a good idea to have him have a great relationship with his new half brother or sister! OMG..


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

brokenbythis said:


> What good does exposing their behaviour do?
> 
> I personally feel exposing them is stooping to their level, getting into the drama triangle and being as trashy as them. But pls explain if there is reasoning behind this.
> 
> ...





brokenbythis said:


> Believe me I have morals and my ex doesn't. I wouldn't be involved in anything like this in a million years. My friends and family think he is disgusting. I blocked him and his sicko friends and family from facebook - I don't want to hear or see any of their crap, its none of my business. They can do what they like - screw up their lives as much as they want.
> 
> The only thing that hurts and annoys me is my little boy getting dragged through their mud and watching it all unfold. And having that skank of a woman mothering my child 2 days a week. I seem to have very little control over that. The courts don't give a damn if it doesn't involve violence, drugs or alcohol. The freakin custody mediator even said its a good idea to have him have a great relationship with his new half brother or sister! OMG..


I'm very sorry that you are going through this brokenbythis.

I share the pain that you are going through with your child as well. It's amazing how there are poeple like that mediator out there who are just....yeah. 

Up until this daycare solution was found, PosOM was watching my Daughter multiple days a week because I couldn't find any other options. Sometimes I wished that I lived in a "fault" divorce state for my Daughter's benefit.

It hurt so much the day I found out she moved in with him and that my Little One was thrown into it even worse. STBX actually said in the mass text messages the other night that our Daughter has been sad lately and she can't figure out why!

HOW ABOUT YOU ARE DESTROYING HER LIFE YOU STUPID $%#$!!! SHE DOESN'T SEE MOMMY AND DADDY TOGETHER AND WE AREN'T A FAMILY ANYMORE!

Every time I go to pick up my Daughter she's excited and runs to give me a hug when she sees me. When I have to take her back, she starts crying the second she even sees my STBXs car and doesn't stop. Usually she leaves with her like that too. I know for a fact it's because STBX is focused on pleasing PosOM instead of taking care of her own Daughter and spending time with her.

********************************************

As far as exposing their behavior. A majority of poeple already know and more found out daily from me. Not necessarily out of trying to bash or degrade her but people find out we are divorcing and they ask why. I know I did some wrong things in the marriage but I won't take responsibility for it's demise. We could have worked past the issues if she would have actually communicated with me.

It is amazing how some poeple act like it's not big deal. She has lost her Mother/Father as they were embarrased by her and they had a falling out. Yet her Brother and Sister who live in another state were trying to get her to move WITH out Daughter and live with them. Her Sister called me and talked like nothing was wrong with what was going on yet she had to tell me a story about when she visited us. She said when I came home from work she couldn't believe the love she saw between the two of us the second I stepped through the door.

She doesn't really have any friends and I don't know how they are treating her. I'm suprised the one Girlfriend (The one she lied and said she was going to see when she slept with PosOM) still seems to stay in contact with her. Her Boyfriend was cheated on and he is still messed up by it to this day.

As far as informing their work. The vindictive side of me wants to call but I still think it's a waste of my time and that would bring me down to their level. At this point there is no more "fantasy" as we are no longer together, it's just them living together now and they don't hide it.

The one thing I do wish is that she never got that IUD......can't help but wish she would get knocked up by this loser.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

She loves trying to argue with me and turn me into a scumbag....it just amazes me and hurts like hell. 

People have pointed out that it seemed she always needed drama in her life. Guessing she fights with me to keep the drama out of her new relationship? Can't wait until we don't have to talk anymore, this WONDERFUL new relationship of theirs will be in for a suprise. Then again, having a girlfriend who is half your age is probably an ego boost for PosOM. He's probably willing to put up with it for a young piece of ass.

***********************************************

I hate the feeling but a part of me is actually.........scared(?).....by the idea that I won't see her as often soon. Still haven't let go and I still have feelings for her even after what she did..........


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

As for her wanting to argue..... per Conrad, tell her

"I'm sorry you feel this way"


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> As for her wanting to argue..... per Conrad, tell her
> 
> "I'm sorry you feel this way"


"Are you done?"


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Here is the post I mentioned previously

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> Here is the post I mentioned previously
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html


Thank you for everything so far Chuck. Interesting read.

Not sure if I have the willpower to be able to pull it off but maybe soon.........

***********************************************

Kind of forgot what happen today. Offer was made on the house and it looks like it should be enough to clear the loan and walk away.

Just like everything else it's bittersweet. I get to move on but it's another reminder of what has been stripped away from me.

STBXW called to say goodnight to our Little One and then had to rub it in that the house will sell and she can just move on with her life and PosOM.

Even though I've been doing better this week, the past few hours feel like I've just been smacked back to square one with my feelings/emotions. Been a couple weeks since I've cried this hard.

3 Days left.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostInMT said:


> Thank you for everything so far Chuck. Interesting read.
> 
> Not sure if I have the willpower to be able to pull it off but maybe soon.........
> 
> ...


Ok - this will hurt.

But, you must realize you haven't lost anything that was real.

IF it was real, this would not happen.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

What you are seeing is her without the mask

when a mother seems to value her time with POSOM

more than their child..... is that what you want?


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Ok - this will hurt.
> 
> But, you must realize you haven't lost anything that was real.
> 
> IF it was real, this would not happen.





Chuck71 said:


> What you are seeing is her without the mask
> 
> when a mother seems to value her time with POSOM
> 
> more than their child..... is that what you want?


I both believe and understand completely what you both are saying. I just want to get past the point of caring what she does with who in her life anymore.

I've noticed that I don't really care that she is out of my life (Ok, that's a lie, I still do a little bit) but not as much as the idea of their relationship in general. That haunts me more than anything to think they are happy together.

********************************************

These past few days have just been complete hell.

Part of me wishes that I could be cordial with her as we are going to have to co-parent for a long time but I still find it hard. She just throws comments out there basically trying to say that I am a bad person or turn me into a scumbag. All we did was fight and everything was just so horrible. Just sets me off and then we do start to argue again.

Is this just the fog talking? I know I need to not let it bother me but being only 3 months down the road, the pain doesn't seem any less to be honest. 

I guess her general attitude and feelings towards me are still so shocking.

Went to take my Daughter back this morning. Little One was basically clawing at the door because she didn't want to go back with her Mother. She actually threw up a little too! Was the worst I've ever seen it and it shattered my heart. 

STBX started accusing me of BS, saying I was trying to turn her Daughter against her and that I spoil her which is rediculous. She says our Daughter is fine for days but only acts like that after she has been with me.

I do nothing but my best to enjoy and spend time with my Little One (take her to the park, watch movies and such) as much as I can. Barely have enough money to go paycheck to paycheck now let alone spoil her.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Is it possible not to respond to her jabs?


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Is it possible not to respond to her jabs?


I do feel I try my best to, just not always possible for me at this point in time.

Plus it's always in person or over the phone. She won't text me anything like that which I find.....odd. Thought she would love the opportunity to do that instead.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostInMT said:


> I do feel I try my best to, just not always possible for me at this point in time.
> 
> Plus it's always in person or over the phone. She won't text me anything like that which I find.....odd. Thought she would love the opportunity to do that instead.


It's helpful to think of yourself at 50,000 feet while you observe these things.

If you stay down in the weeds with her, she'll get to you every single time.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Wanted to post yestarday but just couldn't put anything into words. Between the house and daycare I was just kind of..numb.

DD started daycare yestarday morning. We were both there for her first morning to see how things would go and such.

She was actually really excited to be there and didn't get upset at all when we left. I think I was the only one sad to be honest. 

STBX caught me off guard. Right now financially I am not well off but I still get by. She prepaid for the first month of daycare as I paid for the dicorce and for the repairs on the house. We were both nervous about being able to keep her in daycare full time. I had the money available so I paid my half of next month, didn't bother to mention anything.

She had gone in to throw a little bit of money towards next month and I'm guessing the lady had mentioned I made a payment. STBX came out of the building with that bright beautiful smile that I haven't seen from her in a while and actually walked up and started to hug me and told me thank you. Looked like she was about to cry. Part of me wanted to push her away but I just couldn't.

I miss that smile so much and I can't remember the last time she hugged me........

************************************************
Offer was made on the house on Tuesday afternoon and we met with the realtor to look it over that night. We made a slightly higher counter and the people accepted. House will be gone by the end of June if all goes well and I won't have any debt from it. There is a slight chance we won't clear the loan but STBX said she already talked to the bank about a loan. 

I had to bite my tongue when she asked if I could co-sign on the loan with her. The realtor's jaw hit the ground and I thought she was going to slap STBX. My realtor knows exactly what STBX did to me and from the bits and pieces she has mentioned to be, she is or recently has finished her divorce. I believe her ex-husband cheated on her too.

Even though it was going to happen eventually, still hit me pretty hard to realize another part of the life I had is going to disappear now. I'm also upset because I don't think I will be able to rent a place for DD and myself, will probably have to get roomates and may not be able to provide DD with her own room. We may have to share a room for a year or so. Makes me feel like a dead beat father........

I hate it too because DD knows that house, she has her own room there. That is "Home" to her and now it's going to be gone.

When we went to leave the realtor's office my DD got upset again because she didn't want to go with her Mother. She was actually telling her that she didn't like her and didn't want to go with her. I have never heard a 3 year old say that to their own mother before. She started crying and actually threw up again.

Twice in one day! Shatters me to think what STBX has done to my Daughter's life. Of course she tries to sit and blame me, saying I am bad mouthing her to our Daughter.

We started arguing again as the accusing set me off and I was upset about the house. We went back and forth and somewhere in the conversation it turned into the blame game again. I told her I didn't do anything do deserve the pain she has caused me but something clicked and I told her I did do one thing........I had loved her more than anything.

Probably the worse thing I could have said for my own mental health. She threw it back in my face saying I didn't love her and that I wanted her gone (refering back to when we almost split). I told her that was complete BS, I had begged her to come home, she cried and did without a second thought that night a few months ago. 5-6 weeks later, she cheated on me and left me after things started to improve in our life...........

***********************************************

Literally about 24 hours between now and the court hearing. Didn't sleep all that well last night and I've had a pit in my stomach the past few days, just keeps getting worse too. I have a good feeling I won't sleep at all tonight. 

Going to go buy some nice clothes for court tonight. I did a juice fast for 63 days starting in Jan and lost 72 pounds. A lot of my clothes don't fit anymore. I was able to stick to it after DDay but once I started eating again I kind of went down hill. Instead of not eating when I am stressed or emotional I just eat nothing but crap food. Only gained maybe 10 pounds back over the past 2 months and I'm able to maintain it fairly well. Hoping I can start doing some excercise or something and start losing again.

***********************************************

This next bit is a little long and childish, guess sometimes these siutations can make you do things like this. Not sure what I should do or why I care enough to let it drag on like this.

About a year or two ago my STBX went and did a glamour photo shoot. The photographer was doing this special Pin Up Calender and she wanted to do it as a gift for Christmas/ My Birthday. She was really happy with them (amazing what they can do with photoshop) and so for a gift we got her a photo package to go along with the calender.

When she moved out I packed up all the pictures I had of her, these included. She has been hounding me for a while to give them back to her and I just kind of ignore her or give her some excuse that I will get them later. She seems to care so much about these, I'm guessing becasue she wants to show PosOM the photos and I have to admit it feels nice to be able to take/keep something away from her and I hate the idea they are going to enjoy them together. There are some extra photos she took in some wedding lingerie I bought her and I hate the idea of another man seeing her in that. She had left that at the house too but I ended up throwing all of her lingerie I bought her out. I know they have already ****ed each other so I don't know why it still bothers me so much that they will look at photos...


Last night at 1:30am she sent me a text message saying no more bull**** and stalling, she wants them by tomorrow (Most likely she feels like it gives her leverage in court or something which is BS). I find it funny that she said please though after trying to make the text sound somewhat threatening.

Should I just give them back to her or just throw them out and be done with it? Like I said I know it's childish, guess it's my own little way of punishing her and actually seeing a result. Messed up but I'm hurt.....

*********************************************

It really hurts today. I guess even though I don't want her back, she has ruined any chance we ever had at R now. Plus she doesn't want to come back anyway. The idea that the last little bit is final tomorrow is crushing me and the loneliness is really getting to me right now. Took the whole day off work tomorrow, I have IC about an hour after court. Counselor was pretty much demanding that I came in right after.

Having a hard time keeping it together at work......not sure how I am going to make it through the day.

24 hours left now as of 8:30 am.......


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Lost,

Hang in there. I am sorry you are hurting so badly but these milestones you are taking head on will be in the rear view mirror soon.

Thank you for helping me. When my D-Day comes, I am going to have at least one maybe two sessions that day. I am much more comfortable with my future but let's face it, this crap messes with your head and it is great to have the support to get through it.

I would do what you want with the pictures and if the WAW complains, "It is unfortunate that you feel that way" and walkaway. Unless, it is in the division of assets in the divorce documentation, there is not much to be concerned with.

Buddy, you will have poetic justice. Cheaters will probably cheat again and the STBXW will either be kicked to the curb or realize she can never have a meaningful relationship again and live a lonely existence.

Be proud of yourself, you are a better person.
Stretch


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Wrong order

money, love for D

right order

love for D, money

in time D will understand who wrecked the M

try not to engage in blame game, that is what she wants

fake it to make it if you have to

focus on baby and you

your wife was not happy, you never knew why

neither does she


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Morning of. I was actually surprised that I fell asleep rather early last night. I think my mind and body were just exhausted....


I feel as crushed as I did on D-Day......part of me really doesn't want to go this morning. Can't stop crying..........I don't want to see her reaction to today.

I can't believe anyone would put someone that they claimed to love at some point in there life through this.

I've never been more afraid of the future.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

I'd toss the pics but it probably isn't the right thing to do.

When she asks for them tell her I looked and couldn't find them.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

LIM It's a tough road but you learn a lot about yourself

Gut and I came to TAM about same time

It will get better, I promise.....focus on baby, then you

read Gut's early threads before Christmas........read them now

100% turnaround


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Haven't posted in a little while, been meaning to play catch up.


Court day was odd. I pulled up to the court house about 15 minutes early and she drove up about 10 seconds later and parked right next to me.

She actually got out of her car, walked over and climbed in the passenger seat of my truck like it was no big deal. 

I just looked at her like what the hell? Admittadly I didn't know what to say so I just got my stuff and walked away, didn't want to speak with her. She was right on my heels the whole way up and even tried to apologies for everything. I didn't even acknowledge her.

The actual court room hadn't opened yet so I just took a seat in the hall. I was pretty much in tears all morning. She sat next to me and tried to ask me if I could ever forgive her. I just ignored her.

Few minutes later the court opens and we go inside. She went in first and sat down, I sat down seperately on another bench. 2 Minutes before the judge walks in, she gets up and comes to sit next to me and asks me again if I could ever forgive her. Still didn't respond. They started the hearings, it was nothing but divorces that day. There were 7 couples before us. The whole idea made it worse and I broke down a little more. She actually tried to rub my arm and comfort me, still just ignored her.

This whole time she is pretty much in tears as well.

We get called up and the judge goes through the paces. Both of us were pretty much a giant blubbering mess. We finished and go accross the hall to turn in the paperwork and she asks 1 more time if I could ever forgive her. I just looked at her and said nothing. She really got upset after that and ran off to the bathroom crying.

We finished turning in the paperwork and I just started walking to my truck, she followed right being me. When I stepped outside and I heard the doors shut, it was that final dramatic moment of realization that it was done and I lost it. She came up to me but didn't say anything, then out of no where she told me to "come on" (as in stop crying). That just pissed me off. 

She tried to hug me and I just stood there. I shouldn't have done it as it just set me back but I kissed her on the cheek, told her "always and forever" and just b-lined it for my truck and left.

I just found it so odd that she was crying and asked me to forgive her 3 times and yet any other time she always acts like she didn't feel bad at all about what she did.

Part of me wishes I could have been stronger that morning. From finding out that my wife cheated on me, then continued to lie about wanting R and actually leaving me for the PosOM to the final divorce in 3 months is too short I guess.

I went to IC after that, by the time I got there I couldn't cry anymore and was just numb. We went through the whole thing and I kind of ran out of things to say but time was pretty much up anyway.

Walked around the local mall for a little bit, almost went to watch a movie but didn't think I would end up paying attention so I skipped it. Went and got a nice lunch and a drink or two, then headed home for a while.

While I was at lunch she actually texted me and asked me if I would split a storage unit with her.....unbeleavable.

Was just kind of numb for the rest of the night, got together with some friends for dinner and then met up with another group to do some bowling. Couldn't really get my mind off of it.

I don't remember much about the rest of the night.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

You handled yourself well

She is having trouble dealing with reality

This is what she wanted

or so she thought

She wanted you to rescue her

isn't POSOM in charge of that now?

She will do additional odd things as time passes

stay focused and at 50k feet

Again.... you held yourself together today

I hate you had to go through this


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Thanks Chuck. Just read how the rest of the weekend went though....

*********************************************

Saturday morning she started calling me, I never picked up the phone as I was trying to sleep and didn't want to talk to her. She ended up calling 15 times (literally) and started sending me nasty text messages and left a voicemail. She said the divorce is final and I still hadn't given her the pictures.

She said if I destroyed them that that was just low.........really? You cheated on me and left me but destroying a bunch of pictures is low?

I just ignored the phone for a while as I couldn't go back to sleep. Ended talking to a friend on the phone for a while.

It was amazing the fit she was throwing over a bunch of pictures. It easy enough to tell that she wants to show POSOM the risque pictures of herself. It just hurts because the whole reason she did any of them was meant as a gift to me.

After about an hour or two I sent her a text saying I where I would meet her and what time to give her the damn photos back. I said if she called me again about them I wouldn't give them back.

About an hour before I was supposed to meet her she sent me a text saying she couldn't make it. I told her fine, I would let her know in a day or so when I would drop them off. Maybe when we went to swap our D.

Later in the day she sent me a text asking if I could meet her with the photos, I said no I had plans and I would let her know. Commence the bombarding again. It was nothing but hours of nasty text messages about how I am selfish and doing this to hurt her. She threatened to call the police on me too as it was "her" property.

I went over for a friend's husband's birthday party, they asked if I could go to the store and I did. As I was walking into CVS I actually received a call from a deputy sheriff. I almost pissed myself laughing. I explained everything that had happened and told him I had proof that I had tried to give them back to her but she couldn't get them. I told him I told her we would make other arrangements in a day or two. He said he understood and felt it wasn't right that I should only work around her schedule if I have plans. Plus he said there was really nothing he could do, sometimes getting a phone call from the sheriff's would put an end ot it.

I called her after and said what she did was rediculous and childish and I would bring her pictures with me when we traded our D but I had some things to say as I didn't feel like talking and hung up.

She texted me back and said that the divorce was final and she didn't have to listen to me anymore. Told her if she wanted the photos back she would listen to what I have to say otherwise I would toss them.

Went back to the party and did my best to not think about it. She actually tried to text me an apology but I didn't respond to her. Went home and went to bed afterwards, was highly amused, annoyed and royally pissed off she called the sheriff. Was not looking forward to the next day.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

She wants to spill her anger on you

this is a Conrad quote

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

and ignore her whines

once she gets a salty tongue

"I am not okay with profanity"

focus and observe...... this behavior will be around awhile


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostInMT said:


> Thanks Chuck. Just read how the rest of the weekend went though....
> 
> *********************************************
> 
> ...


I'm curious what it was that attracted you to this petulant child?


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I'm curious what it was that attracted you to this petulant child?


Honestly, she was the sweetest person I've ever met at the begining. From her upbringing she was a little niave but me being a co-dependent it felt good taking care of her and helping her in life.

From start to end, our relationship was only 4.5 years. Things moved way to fast and we had to many things come up. We never got the chance to really date. She moved in with me immediately because she got kicked out of her house. Hence why she moved in with POSOM so fast doesn't suprise me. I know my brain tumor/surgery caused a lot of problems for a while. Our D was a suprise, I love her to death but we weren't ready for that.

It's amazing how stress can poison a person. It's a shame too.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Seriously..... how many babies are planned? 

Had brain tumor and surgery as well, 25 years ago

I hope yours went better than mine ........ it was a disaster

and that is an understatement

Does your ex have something against people with/had brain tumors?

Crossing fingers that you will say yes ........

Your ex always has been reckless and impulsive...... not a safe combo

it's cute when you are 16 but when you are grown and with child .... 

signs of a self centered individual


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> Seriously..... how many babies are planned?
> 
> Had brain tumor and surgery as well, 25 years ago
> 
> ...


Oh believe me I know what you're saying about the baby thing. It was just a point worth mentioning.

As far as my tumor, it went well I guess. I was down for about two months afterwards but made a full recover for the most part. Every once in a while I will notice something strange but nothing to be worried about.

Unfortunately she doesn't have anything against people with tumors. Then again maybe she does?

For a while she tried to say I became a different person after my surgery, that was long before the A or D was even an image of the future though.

My Old Man told me the same thing about her being impulsive and the need for drama in her life. I'm guessing that's why she tries calls me about random crap every once in a while.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

My doctor was aggressive and removed it but

left me a temporary quadriplegic, have mind of 10 / 12 y/o

I'd be lucky to walk with a cane and recommended special education

and placed on home school

I returned my senior year, walking, jogging, won 1st 5k race year later

going after my PhD and still hitting the 5k and 10k

yes it gets harder after smoking and drinking for a couple decades

but those are my choices in life

I owe everything to a Nam vet in neighborhood, he saw me return home

no longer the chiseled 5'7 165 lb stallion

I was 5'7 and 300 plus, but he wanted my mind

told me body will always follow

he died many years ago but the fire he showed me still burns

remember when we were kids and you'd ride down a steep hill

and your head would tingle?

that's the feeling I get when I'm told "ya can't do it"

am I fully recovered 100%? No and I never will

but that fact alone drives me to the ends of the Earth

to prove myself, to allow things to happen

So yeah, I changed after it......... for the better

it may not seem as such but it is

so your ex does have a point, if you're like me

you will have days, compared to now, you will own Montana

you have a female in your life, she is very young

you have trips to mall for training bra (yes drink beforehand lol)

watching her graduate and get married

your whole life is ahead of you kid

let the ex own her chaos, she sure deserves it

I'm sorry for the rant but we have something in common


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Sunday (2 days after D was final)

Didn't hear from her for a while which was nice. I figured she would call because we were supposed to trade out Daughter and she wanted her pictures.

She finally called me around 11:30. She was actually nice to me on the phone and tried to apologize for what happen the day before. I told her I didn't want to talk about it.

She then asked me what time I wanted to come get our Daughter and I said later than evening. She also told me our D had thrown up and was saying her ear hurt. Apparantly her ear was red too but she just thought her stomach was upset.

The evening came and I drove into town and met her where we agreed. The moment she stepped out of the car I could tell she was angry. She asked if I had her pictures and I said yes but I had a some things that I needed to say. She tried to give me the whole "were divorced I don't have to listen speech" and then tried to get into my truck but I locked it.

Some of the things I brought up I shouldn't have bothered with as I was just digging up crap I didn't need to think about. The biggest point was that she has treated me like **** for the past 3 months after SHE was the one who cheated on me and left me and I wasn't going to deal with it anymore. We unfortunately have to deal with each other for the next 10+ years easily if not the rest of our lives and I wasn't going to be the doormat/punching bag. We started fighting more and I was finally over it so I just gave her the pictures back.

Even though a part of me doesn't care about them, a part of me didn't want to let all of them go and I had kept a couple of them. I will most likely destroy these ones in particular. THey were of her in some lingerie I bought for our wedding, it just doesn't feel right that another man will see those (even though they are sleeping together). Of course when she found this out she was really upset because those were the ones she specifically wanted.

She then proceeded to tell me she was happy she divorced me and that I was selfish. Calling me names and such, all of this right infront of our Daughter. I just looked at her and told her this is what you get for being a cheating ***** and to live with the consquences of your actions. Told her she was lucky I didn't destroy them after the BS of calling the sheriff on me.

I should of taken the high road but I didn't/couldn't because I was upset.

As I was buckling in my D, I turned around and she was in my face and actually somewhat hit/shoved me. I was really suprised that I had gotten her THAT upset over some pictures. She had never touched/slapped me out of anger in the past 4 years.

I left and for the rest of the day she did nothing but text me, saying how selfish I was all sorts of crap. Most of it I didn't care because in reality she did the most selfish thing of all. The only part that really hurt was when she threw it in my face that she took care of me when I had my tumor like I owe her for that or something?

I did my best to enjoy the rest of the night with my D. Tomorrow would be the first day I dropped her off at daycare.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> My doctor was aggressive and removed it but
> 
> left me a temporary quadriplegic, have mind of 10 / 12 y/o
> 
> ...



Don't apologize at all, I fell kind of rude not asking about your expierence.

I'm glad to hear you are doing better now and that your life has improved afterwards.

How/Why did you find yours? What symptoms led to that discovery?

I don't think I have ever come accross something that has scared me more until now to be honest.

I found out about my tumor roughly 6 months after we got married. A month before my Daughter's first birthday. I was afriad that I was going to leave them be. I actually grabbed a video camera and made a video for my Wife/Daughter as a good by and such in case I didn't come out of it.

I think I came out better, it's too bad she didn't feel the same.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

After the whole ordeal on Sunday, the rest last week went by fairly well. I was really happy that I could spend time with D and didn't have to see the eW.

It was sad but yet a great feeling when I went to drop D off and she wanted to go with me every day and would run up to me when it was time to come get her. The ladies at the daycare said she didn't do that the previous week at all and threw a fit when it was time to go.

Daycare is paid from 7:30am to 6pm, gives me a little time after work if I wanted it. Got a free 3 day pass to a gym I am going to join once I move back into town.

eW called almost every night to speak with D. A few of the nights I could hear her crying but I didn't say anything about it and just kept any conversation we had short.

On Tuesday she called me at like 10:30pm and actually asked if I would trade vehicles so she could use my truck to pick up her stuff from her parents place. I told her no, guess she wasn't listening as she asked me again on Thursday. Told her no and then I got some snotty text message saying "that's fine, I will find my own way like I always do". I didn't respond or anything.

Beyond that it was just as normal of a week as I could hope for.

I dropped D off on Sunday for Mother's day, said all of maybe 5 words to her and left.


This past Tuesday I ran into POSOM at the store. The moment he saw me he just looked at the ground. I've seen them drive by enough that I had a general idea of what he looked like. He was wearing a hat and he is shorter than me so when I walked by he was trying to hide his face.

After he saw me he must have texted her because she sent me a text asking "What is he buying?". I called her and said that was none of her business and said so that's the man who slept with my wife huh? 

She got mad I brought that up.  I know I should just forget it but it's still nice to twist the knife a little bit. 

The notion that what she did was the most selfish act and I did nothing to deserve is somewhat odd lately. Yes my life/family was torn apart but in the end it wasn't my fault. We had problems but they could have easily been worked out. I find that I am more pissed off and angry with her than sad about what has happen now.

I told her that the three of us should just finally meet face to face on Sunday when I go to pick up D for the week. It's going to happen eventually in this small town.

Curios what will happen with that. I'm not looking forward to it but I notice I don't have any mind movies or really think about them together nearly as much as I used to. I do have a trigger here and there but it's getting a lot better.

***********************************************

It's a depressing thought but I haven't spoken to D this week. I really just don't want to hear eW voice at all or deal with anything she may try to bring up right now. Not having to see or deal with her almost every other day has been really healing for me i think.

Tried to call last night but she was already sleeping. eW tried to talk to me about the sale of the house and I just said I have to go, said bye and hung up.

***********************************************

Think I may have found a place and a roomate now. Going to look at it on Monday. Hoping it all works out.

Had some friends over on Wednesday, drank a little more than I wanted to but had a good time. Played that card game "Cards Against Humanity". I'm fairly certian I'm going to hell now.

Unfortunately I woke up somewhat sick yestarday (not just from the drinking). I had IC though which was nice, caught her up on everything.

I noticed where the drama level for me is really starting to die down. In about a month when I can finally get a new living siutation I have a feeling things will feel a lot different.

Woke up today feeling like absolute crap though, been keeping myself dopped up on cold medicine to make it through work and will probably just go home and sleep for the next 24 hours.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostInMT said:


> I told her that the three of us should just finally meet face to face on Sunday when I go to pick up D for the week. It's going to happen eventually in this small town.


Why would you agree to something like that?


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Just realized that eW works the night shift tomorrow. Will probably get a call to see if I can watch D.

As much as I want to see her I'm going to say no and let her squirm to find a babysitter as I know she doesn't want to ask POSOM. Doesn't want to take up his precious time.

Plus I really need to rest and get better before I have my week with D, she is turning into a little science experiement being at daycare. My cute little walking, talking bacteria bucket.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Why would you agree to something like that?


It was my idea actually. It messes me up a little when I see them drive by or see them at the store.

I talked about the idea in IC and she understood and thought it would be good. It's going to happen, best get it over with before I get a lot better mentally and possible have a huge setback.

I have no plans of chit chatting or anything, basically going to do it when I pick up D. 30 seconds or so, but to actually see each other face to face. Can't really find the words to explain what I am trying to accomplish with this.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostInMT said:


> As much as I want to see her I'm going to say no and let her squirm to find a babysitter as I know she doesn't want to ask POSOM. Doesn't want to take up his precious time.


Beta doormats make better babysitters than alpha dogs.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Beta doormats make better babysitters than alpha dogs.


Not really sure what to take from that statement.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostInMT said:


> Not really sure what to take from that statement.


She won't ask posOM to babysit.

She respects his time.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

This is your thread bud! I just did not wish to h-jack.

Mine was discovered in the early 80's by mom

I would faze out and my hands would go jerky 

not much was known at the time, only two types of seizures

petit mal and grand mal, I had the petit

started with Dialantin and it was wonderful

helped my behavior and kept me focused

but seizures became more intense

they started me on Phenobarb and all he!! broke loose

grades went in toilet, behavior below toilet

my dad was an imposing figure and would set me straight in a second

but on Phenobarb, I picked up a bat and chased him

he feared for his life, he told me later

but he knew it was the meds doing this

then I started on Tegretol, anti-convol med

sorry to burst the pharmo communities bubble but it's not

I suffered through a state of depression which gave me

unearthly weight gain via depression, lethargic tenancies, 

no self esteem, I hated myself, I despised myself

I hid the meds and I began to come around, huge weight loss

self esteem and renewed vigor but..... always a but

seizures increased (no parents were not aware)

it got to point I felt them begin, I would stop what I was doing

and rub my legs, ankle to knee, they would stop

but gave me the most sickening feeling imaginable

I will finish this shortly but wanted to give you a summery 

of how I had to deal with epilepsy

btw....epilepsy was known for fifteen centuries to a great extent

and at one time was a sign of brilliance

google it


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Conrad said:


> She won't ask posOM to babysit.
> 
> She respects his time.


I don't want anything to do with her anymore so I could care less if she respects my time or not. I'm not a doormat for her anymore and will never be. Maybe she will figure it out one day, maybe not. In the end not my problem or concern.

It's amazing how the WS puts the OM/OW up on a pedestal and thinks so highly of them and the BS is the doormat after everything. Still don't understand it to be honest.

If she doesn't have him, she has nothing in her mind. This just makes me sad for my Little One, she deserves more and better than that from her own Mother.

**********************************************

eW did try to call me twice last night and send me some text about some cleaning supplies. We tried to start a cleaning business on the side for extra cash, guess she is trying to re-do it for extra money. I just ignored the calls.

Ended up calling back later though to talk to D and tell her goodnight, apparently she was already asleep at 8 o'clock. She tried to talk to me about the stuff, just told her I had to go and would talk to her later about when she could come get her stuff.

It's amazing how she tries to ask me how I'm doing and when we are getting off the phone to have a good night like I am her friend or something. I don't ask her anything about her or her life. I say very few words to her and I am very short with her on the phone.

************************************************

Ever since she called the sheriffs about the stupid pictures I find I am just over it and more pissed off than upset about what she has done to me and our D.

It's a nice feeling. Trying to fill my life up with other things and making new friends. It's amazing how much more difficult it seems when you are not in school. Sometimes I wish I had a different job, I've met plenty of friends through employment in the past but can afford any pay cut. Getting to the point where I would like to meet a nice lady friend too. Not necessarily for sex (although would not complain! ) but I miss the conversations/company you have with a person from the opposite sex.

Can't wait until I can finally be out of this house. Realtor called me and said there is a chance we could walk away with about $1,500 to $2,000 from the sale which will be kind of nice. I always expected we would owe a little or at least break even. Really hoping this townhouse turns out to be nice on Monday. I've got all the paperwork filled out to jump on it if it does.


**********************************************

I'm not going to lie, I still have moments of sadness where I do miss "us". Had to run to the store this morning as I have a nasty cold or something for some medicine. Stopped by the bakery for a breakfast treat and it kind of triggered some old memories. The music inside the store at the time didn't help either. I miss sitting on the couch together on mornings like this when the weather is crappy and we had no plans but to relax and veg.

Guess I haven't gotten to the point where I am happy with my own company. Truthfully, I don't think I ever have been which may be a problem. I've spent plenty of time alone in the past, I just enjoy having other people around.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> This is your thread bud! I just did not wish to h-jack.


Not at all. Like you said we share something in common.

I also get curios to see what the tumor(s) do to others. Some people have them and show NO symptoms what so ever. Others such as yourself and I start to have issues which can ruin our lives.

Sounds like you got the shorter end of the stick than I did too.

Thank you for sharing.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

At first I felt I got raw deal, I let it burn me alive

I went as far as denouncing God but in hindsight

if you hate someone, how can you denounce them

keep in mind, I was 16, I had just lost over 150 lbs

had just discovered my swagger and overnight, all gone

the Dr tapered me off steroids too fast, my brain swelled

that is where the damage was done

any time I had to cram for a test at 3 AM

I refused to quit, I would think of what the Dr did to me

it's been 25 years and it still gets my blood boiling

but I learned to use the anger in positive ways 

Uncontrolled rage will eat you up; controlled rage can keep you focused

I'm 40 and some could call me damaged goods, point is

with my A game, I'm better than 98% my age.....not bad for damaged goods

How was yours discovered? Seizure type? Meds? Parents reaction?


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> How was yours discovered? Seizure type? Meds? Parents reaction?


About a month before we got married I started to have really bad headaches. Headaches turned into migraines and then I started to get dizzy and lose my vision/balance throughout the day.

From the date I really started to notice an issue until I had my surgery was about 6 months. If I hadn't of agreed to an MRI there is a good chance I would have slipped into a coma. Tumor was located right on my brain stem/fourth ventricle. It was growing so much and displacing the fluid rapidly which caused the pain and dizziness. Wasn't attached to anything and wasn't cancerous, just highly aggressive in growth. Don't remember what it was called.

The way everything progressed, never really got on too much medication. Mostly just stuff to get rid of the pain. 

I remember the night before the surgery, laying in the hotel bed with my eW. Couldn't sleep (can't imagine why!), she asked me to promise to not leave her. I promised that I never would.........go figure huh? 


************************************************

Never got a phone call from her on Saturday asking me to watch D. Was really suprised. I was really sick and it did nothing but rain all weekend so I just vegged on the couch all day.

************************************************


So I met him face to face on Sunday. Not really sure what to say about it. He tried to act buddy buddy with me and then tried to shake my hand. Just gave him a look like "are you really that stupid" and he pulled his hand away and just acted snotty towards me.

Didn't yell or anything, but I told him we are not friends. You slept with my Wife and helped tear apart my family. Don't mistake me being civil for my Daughter's sake as we are going to be friends now. He just said he didn't want to fight and got in the car. eW got all upset and was yelling at me. I just kind of laughed it off and didn't care. She asked why did I "make" him come out if I was just going to be a jerk, I told her it was his choice and I figured we might as well meet face to face. We live in a smaller town, was bound to happen. Thought it would be good to just get it out of the way.

Didn't really make me sad or anything. Got a little flustered I suppose. Unfortunately I did think about "us" a little more over the past day or so after actually seeing them together. Really don't have any mind movies or anything about them either.

Did my best to have a good night with D and to not think or bother myself with any of it.

***********************************************

May have found my next place to live. Buddy who is going to be my roomate and I went to look at place and going to see another one on Thursday. I have a feeling one of the two is going to become my new home.

Seems like the final pieces are starting to fall into place. 

Guess I'm kind of curios what the hell I'm going to do with my life once I get back into town. Nothing that needs to be "taken care of" from our split anymore.

Odd feeling. I've always had a goal in life for My Family and I. Something to work towards for all of us. I know there is still My D and I....

What the hell do I want?


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