# christmas tree



## DadInPain (Dec 6, 2010)

well i am new here so please forgive me for anything that might have been said on this site previous. 

i'll try to keep this short. My wife of 5 years been together for 13 2 beautiful baby boys 9 and 3, well anyway i discovered one night while i fell asleep on the couch "shhh let me make sure my husband is sleep" her on the phone with some joker. didn't say a word pretended like i was sleep on and on finally looked at her phone and call records 385 text msg and over 40 hours of calls to this "man" blew up blah blah blah text msg "can't wait to see you" "meet me at the park" type of things even called him and said stay away from my family and my wife much to my surprise well nothing surprises me anymore but anyway she said she and him have an "emotional connection" well 2 years of begging and crying and saying he had to go you had to pick him or your family well i moved out ! yep she picked him over her family (says it's not like that she isn't sleeping with him) her mom dad and friends all told her she should stop i told her she should stop! nothing could get through to her (must have been good right) but any way i've only been out of the house not 2 weeks and this guy is already spending the night at the house and she invited him over to decorate the Christmas tree with my damn sons! the pain that is ripping through my heart right now is unbearable. i have told her many many times those are my SONS he can have you but not them! how can a woman who claims she loves me but is not "in Love" do that to the father of her kids? i am dumb founded i just need an answer from somebody somewhere to explain to me as to why she would do a thing like that? why would a woman invite a "man" over to our house (not even divorced yet) and has this MOTHER&uk&r decorate the christmas tree with my boys? oh and he spent the night as well... oh but he's just a friend right? and i have no idea what i'm talking about! oh and the "emotional affair" has been 2 years in the making i finally had to pray and get enough guts to move out she said she was not going to give him up "he has a connection"

and by the way how could some "man" who met a woman at a bar who's husband asked him politely to stay away do this type of thing? i am confused at many points right now. if it was me and i was single and walked into that situation i'd tell her that i had to move on that it was a bit sticky for me. but that is just me! Dang i need some help boy oh boy my sons my house decorating the christmas tree like it was HIS family?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

So sorry you and your sons are having to experience such misery. This type of behavior is bad enough anytime of the year. But, what you described here during the holiday season is over the top. I guess your wife doesn't understand that Jesus is the reason for the season. I couldn't imagine carrying on an adulteress affair to degree she is (especially as it relates to preparing for this most holy season).

First, I also advise a betrayed spouse to never move out of the house. Since your wife is the one having an affair, she should have been the one to move. You really need to see an attorney pronto and work on getting yourself back in your house (with your sons).

Are you and the wife active in church? If so, now would be a great time to meet with the minister and reveal what is happening. The more people who know, the better.

Hang in there!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Take what info you can get and do a back round check on OM your kids safety may depend on it. 

I'd move back in, don,t you have the right to be in your own home?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are making this affair to easy on your wife, move back in. You can make their affair more difficult by doing so, in addition the OM,s family and friend should be informed that their son, brother, employee is seeing a married women, maybe even his wife.

Way on earth would you let her bad behaviors influence your kids? Please move back in, your sons are counting on you, please protect your family from this vampire. Until your wife comes out of this fog you need to be their for the boys. Its only been two weeks it is not to late.


Be very careful do not set your self up for a restraining order, just move back in and sleep in your bed. Bring a witness when you first enter the home even some one you both respect. That should get your foot in the door. After that she will start to push your buttons and you will have to walk away from her, stay away from any confrontations. As long as you are present in the home you will be with your boys. 

You can do this, just distance your self from having the cops called. Have you looked in the law regarding cohabitation and such?


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Move back in. Don't let her have her cake and eat it. Don't be aggressive, be polite but let her move out ¡f she wants to.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thats what I was looking for in my last post "be polite". Aggresion will get you into trouble. So I know things will get heated so stay calm, AND MOVE BACK IN


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

I think I'll go with the common theme here bud and vote for move back in. That was a bad idea. Your family unit is at your home. Your wife has chosen to leave your unit so she should leave the home where you all reside. You need her to see that there are consequences for her actions and not being around her family is one of those. You are just facilitating her affair by making it easy on her. 
YOUR home
YOUR family
YOUR life
YOUR marriage
all those things include her and center around where you live TOGETHER as a family.
If she wants out of that scenario then she gets out of the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

And these folks had it right. Keep it safe and polite....make sure there is a witness there to see you being the bigger person and not trying to start a fight or escalating the situation. Your kids need to be with their dad......not their mom and some guy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DadInPain (Dec 6, 2010)

whew thank you guys and gals for your response it makes me actually sick to my stomach to have this going on in my life, I have spoken with and attorney and would love to move back into the house but to be honest with you I can't take that type of pain anymore, over 2 years of begging and pleading on my hands and knees even. 3-4-5 o'clock in the mornings sometimes not even coming home at all. Drunk as a skunk knocking on the front door with his car waiting just down the street. the pain that is in my heart is way way 2 heavy to move back into the house. and with my Marine Corps Back round i know what i am capable of and don't want to get to that level. 

So NOW she has to be a MOM ha ha ha! i have actually moved and my boys are with me 3 nights and 4 days a week oh and she has them on the "PARTY" NIGHTS so this way it's kinda good in that fact no more ladies night, playing "pool" or shots of what ever and coming home with random phone numbers in her phone. she has shown me that there is PURE EVIL in this world. They will both have to walk up to the pearly Gates of heaven and profess their Sins and ask permission for entry. but i somehow think that elevator is going straight down 

Oh and by the way as a lil back round on Me the Dad, work all day 10-14 hours per day come home fix dinner only thing she could make was Pasta, and Microwave food, i was the chief cook and bottle washer bather of the 2 boys laundry vacuum all that. Maybe i was 2 dang nice. fell in love with this woman married her in front of GOD and family and gave my VOWS and stuck 2 them. my mom always said GOD doesn't like UGLY and that which was done to me was pure U-G-L-Y. I even went and found a marriage counselor we went 1x she said 85 dollars was too much (what?) so i continued on by myself i know it wasn't a great idea to move out of the house but i just could not take it mentally any more even was close to suicide so trust me it was for the best but now my brain is healing my heart is still broken and i am no longer on the suicide watch, Way Way WAy to much 2 live for as a matter of fact my boys are here with me right now as i type this.

P.S. if anybody knows of a great woman in search of a great guy let me know.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

For what it's worth.....Your wife doesn't need custody of your boys. I think her behavior warrants supervised visitation. Make sure you document all of her bad behavior.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I sincerely hope you have cut her off financially. You can order groceries on line. Cut up her credit cards. As well as having to forgo the shots and phone numbers. she needs to really experience single mother hood like my mom did.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Tell her that if she wants her new life, she can move out. Just try to get the police on your side, first.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sell the house or stop paying the rent, she can move in to a shack.
I hope you are fanacialy protecting your self. Start the paper work and move on with your kids. 

The lawyer sould beable to give the advice with regard to the boys. I believe retrobution is in order, enough is enough.


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## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. She's blinded by the "emotions" and can't see the truth right now that this man is only using her. This is typical in an emotional affair. One day she will wake up but you'll be long gone and she'll only have regrets to keep her company.

Please be sure to document, document, document. Every date / time that you're aware of that she has this man in your house with your children. Document the times she's stayed out, the phone numbers you've found, every little tiny bit of evidence, document and keep in a safe place. Don't tell her you're doing it. This will be amazing "facts" for you to place in front of the judge when time for deciding who has custody of your children.

I wish I could give you words to help with the pain but betrayal is betrayal and it is painful. One thing you can hold onto is your integrity. So hang in there, stay calm, be polite, be committed to your values and beliefs and rest assured that her actions have NO bearing on your worth, they reflect her own worth. 

Just my $0.02.
Lost


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You diserve a great women, before you go and find her, heal from this. First, don't let this person continue to hurt you, let the love go and move on. I thinks it's a positive thing to see that your last sentence reflects the point that you want to move on with someone else. Give your self a present Marine, and heal from this, relieve your self from the burden of fighting a battle you can't win and win the war of happiness.


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