# Female edging?



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

This is something I do when I am alone and it gives a very long and incredibly powerful orgasm.

I have never actually done this with my husband as I fear he would not have the patience and edging has never been his thing (he doesn't really understand it because he comes from a background of getting it over with as quick as possible). But I would love to share the experience with him.

I was wondering if this is a common sexual practice and if men like it as part of couples sex?


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

peacem said:


> This is something I do when I am alone and it gives a very long and incredibly powerful orgasm.
> 
> I have never actually done this with my husband as I fear he would not have the patience and edging has never been his thing (he doesn't really understand it because he comes from a background of getting it over with as quick as possible). But I would love to share the experience with him.
> 
> I was wondering if this is a common sexual practice and if men like it as part of couples sex?


Just did it to someone special earlier this evening, so...yeah. > Drives her nuts. I'd say about half the women I've been with like it, the rest were too impatient. I love doing it because pleasing my partner is always a turn-on.

Speaking of which, why would it have to be "his thing" if it's clearly YOUR thing? If I were he and knew that about you, I'd be eager to learn even if I didn't want edging for myself...and as far as understanding goes, the concept doesn't seem like rocket science. Maybe you're selling him and his capacity for comprehension a little short. Does he know how much you enjoy this?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Phil Anders said:


> Does he know how much you enjoy this?


I mentioned it to him a long time ago when we talked about male edging. He looked at me like I had grown 2 heads. But I am thinking that the up and coming holiday (no work) may be a good time to be more experimental.

He's not very adventurous and likes routine but does get there eventually :wink2:. (ASD)


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## Juice (Dec 5, 2013)

Interesting. 

I've never looked at edging from a female perspective. I only associated edging for males that suffer from PE.

OP you're not alone... if I mentioned this to my wife she would have 3 heads instead of 2. 



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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> I was wondering if this is a common sexual practice and if men like it as part of couples sex?


From your husband's point of view he may be confused regarding this topic in the event you are multiorgasmic. Many men enjoy edging as we only get to enjoy one orgasm (under normal conditions), whereas women can often have as many as they want for which they tend to grow stronger and stronger.

Women also have a tendency to complain if their partner changes/varies stimulation upon getting close to an orgasm. This technique is required for edging, so if you have instructed your husband to keep doing what he is doing no matter what in the past, you will now need to explain and help him understand how/when it is preferred for him to alter stimulation to help you avoid orgasm. 

Do I think this is common? No. Society regularly conditions everyone that bigger, faster, stronger, more, and even more is preferred. Do I think you and your husband would enjoy exploring this concept? If he can get over the fact that "less can be more" then you two should go for it. But you will need to talk to him before hand or else it may be a confusing experience for him.

Regards, 
Badsanta

PS: you do know you can edge PRIOR to having sex with your husband?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

peacem said:


> I mentioned it to him a long time ago when we talked about male edging. He looked at me like I had grown 2 heads. But I am thinking that the up and coming holiday (no work) may be a good time to be more experimental.
> 
> He's not very adventurous and likes routine but does get there eventually :wink2:. (ASD)



Yes, be more experimental. You may have to edge him for him to understand just how powerful, playful, and delightful edging can be.

I did this to my H and he loved it. Fully body massage, get him erect, play a bit, then focus on his feet, or his shoulders. After a few minutes work your way back to his erection, play a bit, then focus on another his toes, or his fingers. You can bring him right to the brink, or you can just get him fully aroused over and over, laughing and being playful the whole time. Then make him promise to clean the kitchen floor or something if he wants to cum. I can't imagine any man not LOVING that afternoon of play.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Requires enormous amounts of communication and you need to be in "synch". But what is the downside? He gives you an orgasm "too soon"? Seems worth trying for most couples.

For us my wife would never give any indication that I was able to understand / appreciate when she was close or if she ever had an O so no way for me to edge her. We simply don't work well enough together for us to attempt anything so advanced. Then again, for all I know, all I ever did was edge her and never actually got her off.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

> badsanta;17661793]From your husband's point of view he may be confused regarding this topic in the event you are multiorgasmic. Many men enjoy edging as we only get to enjoy one orgasm (under normal conditions), whereas women can often have as many as they want for which they tend to grow stronger and stronger.


True to some extent but edging is an orgasm that does not compete with multiples. It is almost painfully intense - but in a good way - a totally different experience.



> Women also have a tendency to complain if their partner changes/varies stimulation upon getting close to an orgasm. This technique is required for edging, so if you have instructed your husband to keep doing what he is doing no matter what in the past, you will now need to explain and help him understand how/when it is preferred for him to alter stimulation to help you avoid orgasm.


I think it would be doable with practice



> Do I think this is common? No. Society regularly conditions everyone that bigger, faster, stronger, more, and even more is preferred. Do I think you and your husband would enjoy exploring this concept? If he can get over the fact that "less can be more" then you two should go for it. But you will need to talk to him before hand or else it may be a confusing experience for him.


There is a good reason why I was curious as to whether it was common. I discovered it when I first started using a vibrator. For me to have multiples I have to move the vibe to less sensitive areas for a few minutes to start again. So by NOT following through the orgasm is it literally seconds whilst the urge dies off. This pretty much adds up to a long session of strong arousal (without breaks) and then an intense orgasm.

So when I mentioned this to H he thought it was 'kinky' and bizarre. I didn't know it had a name until I began reading about male edging - I thought bingo - that is what I am doing. So I mentioned it to H again. He had never heard of this technique and was convinced it was unhealthy or part of a fetish .

Fast forward to yesterday when @Anon Pink posted a link about a female orgasms. A woman on the website described the exact same thing. The difference being that she discovered it when her partner did it to her NOT through masturbation - I thought WOW. 




> PS: you do know you can edge PRIOR to having sex with your husband?


Not the way I do it. But I could experiment and see.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@badsanta

Every woman who likes to be edged likes to be edged in a different way. For me, edging has to be part of play but can be varied. However, to switch it up when heading up is more like a mistake or a fumble. Edging has to be the obvious intent or it comes off as fumbling.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think there are two kinds of edging - pre-orgasm, and post-orgasm. Pre-orgasm does not work for my wife. She just loses all arousal if I back off, and can't get it back for hours. The first orgasm takes however long it takes (2 minutes to 30 minutes), but has to go directly for the prize. Post-orgasm edging is different. After that first, I can keep her on the edge indefinitely, give her another (usually the second and third are MUCH more intense), and then keep that going for up to a half hour more.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

I used to do this, sometimes still do. When I was in a D/s relationship, it was a requirement of me to edge several times a day, and then I may or may not get to O when I finally got together with him. Usually not. Loved it. 
After that relationship ended, my husband and I played around with it for a bit. He'd edge me in bed before letting me come. My highest number of edges was 50. LOL It's like riding a wave. It's great to do before having sex with your partner because you're all ready to go, too. Probably more normal that you'd think. Google female tease and denial. You'll get an eye and earful. lol


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## captain.78 (Apr 5, 2017)

It is something as a man that I do enjoy doing with my wife. 


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> @badsanta
> 
> Every woman who likes to be edged likes to be edged in a different way. For me, edging has to be part of play but can be varied. However, to switch it up when heading up is more like a mistake or a fumble. Edging has to be the obvious intent or it comes off as fumbling.


 @Anon Pink but fumbling is like my specialty. I have it down to an art form at this point!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> So when I mentioned this to H he thought it was 'kinky' and bizarre. I didn't know it had a name until I began reading about male edging - I thought bingo - that is what I am doing. So I mentioned it to H again. He had never heard of this technique and was convinced it was unhealthy or part of a fetish .


Since he is a christian man, have him read this from a religious-themed website about improving intimacy in marriage:

https://site.themarriagebed.com/sexuality/sexual-play/better-sex-4-him/



> *Peaking:* While orgasm is certainly the most pleasurable sensation of sex, it’s not sudden enjoyment preceded by no pleasure. Stimulation of the penis produces pleasurable sensations from “start to finish.” The feelings get better and better as the man approaches climax, and shortly before orgasm, the sensations are very, very pleasurable. With practice, you can learn to take him to that pleasurable “peak,” and then back off just enough to avoid orgasm. Doing this repeatedly produces a great deal of pleasure. You can also learn to take him to the peak and keep him there, on the *edge* for a couple of seconds. Making this happen just takes practice and attention to what you are doing. Watch his body, especially his genitals, and learn to read the signals about how close he is to climax (see the article on arousal). Initially peaking will need to be done during manual simulation, but once you know his body’s responses, well you can probably do it during intercourse too.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

peacem said:


> This is something I do when I am alone and it gives a very long and incredibly powerful orgasm.
> 
> I have never actually done this with my husband as I fear he would not have the patience and edging has never been his thing (he doesn't really understand it because he comes from a background of getting it over with as quick as possible). But I would love to share the experience with him.
> 
> I was wondering if this is a common sexual practice and if men like it as part of couples sex?


A few suggestions.

First talk to him and tell him what you posted above. 

Ask him is there is anyway that every now and then as a special treat the two of you can do this. Ask him if there is any fantasy or role-playing he might have/want which could incorporate this as part of it? Say his tying your up, or his slowly making love to you, or slowly teasing and denying your until you beg for orgasm and become (whatever fantasy he wants).

Alternately tell him it is your fantasy and you would like him to help you explore it.

Another approach might be tell him that you would like each other to masturbate while the other watches. Then demonstrate for him how much you enjoy edging yourself.

If your H is Good, Giving and Game, he will come around and give you what you want. You just need to be brave enough to ask for it and explain or demonstrate what you want.

You have to understand that we all have been conditioned (like Pavlov's dog) by our spouses as to how to perform sex. This further gets complicated by the conditioning your spouse's past lovers (or parents or religious views/training) may have inflicted upon them . He may have been taught/conditioned that fast and quick is what was required for car-sex on a lonely road with a past girlfriend or that sex was PIV missionary position only and anything else was sinful masturbation. Your challenge is to change his conditioning so that you break the "old" habits you have gotten into with him. Most people resist changing. Fear of change, especially something as emotionally charged as sex, can be a big deal to anyone. It will take time, but if you are gentle and persuasive, you should get what you want.

Good Luck.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Tease. But I really like the term edging.

I started my wife on it on our second date in 1973. Spent over an hour pushing her up close and backing off. Called it teasing in those days. She came well. Her first orgasm, ever.

That's why we spend hours every day having sex. We both edge.

Of course, Mary gets to come many times once she starts. So about an hour or two teasing her, and half an hour or more of orgasms. 

Since I turned 60 I found I can't come every day any more, so we could say I edge over more than a day. That used to bother Mary, and she tried to be less sexual when she thought I wouldn't be able to get off that evening. I convinced her of the error of that thinking.

When she does herself during the day I notice she doesn't edge. No idea if that means anything. It's all fun.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Add me to the list. My fiance doesn't like it done to him really, but I really like it. He will say while it's happening... ''Suppose this is all I do?'' I don't know what it is about that statement but omg...soooo amazing. I have been in two other relationships where the guys edged me and I'd say that the thing that works about it, is you really need to build trust with your partner, because then they know your likes and dislikes, and how far to take things. Just my opinion.  

I've tried to edge myself but it doesn't really work. lol I can do it for a few minutes and then I'm like...ok, that's enough. I think when my fiance does it, my orgasms are so much stronger, because he can push it beyond a limit that I'd push for myself, if that makes sense.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> I've tried to edge myself but it doesn't really work. lol I can do it for a few minutes and then I'm like...ok, that's enough. I think when my fiance does it, my orgasms are so much stronger, because he can push it beyond a limit that I'd push for myself, if that makes sense.


My wife says, "Yep, that makes plenty of sense." She can't do it for herself. But she loves it when I do it to/for her.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> My wife says, "Yep, that makes plenty of sense." She can't do it for herself. But she loves it when I do it to/for her.


It's more surprising when you do it for her, when my fiance does it for me. I have no idea what's coming next, will he ''let me,'' etc...it's so exciting. I read an article a few months ago about couples and their sex lives and so many couples hate the idea of teasing each other. I wonder if on some level, they might see it as a ''mean'' thing,'' but it's really not if you trust your partner.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

there are no cliffs around me to edge my wife.


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## dedad (Aug 22, 2013)

The first time I edged somebody, she had stars in her eyes. 

Thank you for posting this PEACEM. I had no idea that this is what it was called. I didn't even know that it was a thing. 

I did not surprise her though. It had become a pattern with this girl that she would come very fast and would watch me edging myself to high heights before coming. It came from life time of rushing to get off before her male partner would come and she would miss her chance. One day, we talked about it and asked her to trust me and let me take control. I had her relax completely and not try to charge to an orgasm, just go with the flow and enjoy the edge. She was shaking when she finally exploded.


Why come when you can edge?


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## Peacekeeper (Apr 3, 2017)

peacem said:


> This is something I do when I am alone and it gives a very long and incredibly powerful orgasm.
> 
> I have never actually done this with my husband as I fear he would not have the patience and edging has never been his thing (he doesn't really understand it because he comes from a background of getting it over with as quick as possible). But I would love to share the experience with him.
> 
> I was wondering if this is a common sexual practice and if men like it as part of couples sex?


I LOVE this idea! We have never really tried it, but then again we're married with kids, I work late many days, and our schedules are hectic. So if we do find some "alone time" my DW's attitude is like, "Ok, let's do this, ready? Go!". We take our time in the bedroom sometimes, but then we run the risk of one of the younger kids waking up randomly. Nothing worse than getting all hot & bothered only to have the 3 yr old wake up crying...total buzz kill of the worst order. Our youngest is a terrible sleeper, and the next oldest has some type of sleep apnea that wakes her throughout the night (she is having surgery this year to correct!) 

I'd love to try it if we are on a trip or something and have a room with no kids. I fear that my wife is now "pre-programmed" to rush things though so this may be tricky. Plus she will wonder where I got the idea...maybe I'll just tell her that an old gf really loved it, so I thought she would like it, too?  

On a side note, I did stumble upon something that really turned me on...the Yoni massage. Basically a body massage + a female happy ending. Lots of oil & rubbing, plus a long, drawn-out stimulation of the vagina and all the surrounding areas. But the key is to not focus all the attention between her legs, you need to rub the arms, legs, etc, intermittently to break the tension. So yeah, lot's of "edging" type characteristics. This is one of my fantasies. My wife loves rubs so I think she will like this!


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Update: He said yes! And it was amazing. I really had to take charge which I think he was a bit relieved about - then PIV and it was an incredible feeling we haven't experienced before (I am someone who struggled to orgasm PIV). The words 'we should have done this sooner' were used!

Why is this not suggested in any of my sex books?? :scratchhead:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I try it sometimes with my wife and either I am not doing it right or it is not for her. It does seem to work better with oral rather than PIV (PIV edging completely doesn't work as once she loses the "wave", she finds it hard to get back onto one again. With PIV she prefers continuous momentum and steady built up.) Oral seems to work a better and eventually she can come even if I am not doing anything, because the anticipation is so great and she can't take the "edging" anymore. 
Maybe someone can describe how to do it better? Maybe there are better techniques out there.

PS: edging does work for me very well (male)


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> I try it sometimes with my wife and either I am not doing it right or it is not for her. It does seem to work better with oral rather than PIV (PIV edging completely doesn't work as once she loses the "wave", she finds it hard to get back onto one again. With PIV she prefers continuous momentum and steady built up.) Oral seems to work a better and eventually she can come even if I am not doing anything, because the anticipation is so great and she can't take the "edging" anymore.
> Maybe someone can describe how to do it better? Maybe there are better techniques out there.
> 
> PS: edging does work for me very well (male)


Sorry I don't think I was very clear. We edged with a vibrator and then when I was ready we did PIV which made me finish in seconds and felt good for him too (because the contraction was strong and long). But he kept going - even after my orgasm this felt amazing and I had the potential for multiples. :surprise: 

Because PIV orgasms don't come easy to me it was quite a moment for us.

Edit: I edged many times (maybe 20+), the time between getting to the edge became less and less. When it got to just a second or two to getting there is when I gave in and we did PIV.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Ah got it. Sorry to be specific...but was vibrator used inside or on the outside? The reason i ask is that my wife seems to get two types of orgasms: one from oral and one from PIV.
If I start working on her clit (but don't finish) she then needs to build up almost "from scratch" if we do PIV so I realised that perhaps her clit and g spot work a bit more independently form each other.
I guess you must have come continuing using the vibrator (if it was used on outside) so the sensation of PIV was an added bonus?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

@inmyprime
Outside. And no when we did PIV my clit was too sensitive by this point to have anything on it. I just went on the sensation inside. I'm experimenting so no expert - making it up as I go along so to speak.

My husband couldn't do this without me being in control - he has no clue when I am getting there - he just went along with it and enjoyed it (surprised he didn't get bored or frustrated). I wanted him to experience the intense orgasm I was having because it was something I usually do alone and is very different. I wanted to show it off I suppose :wink2:.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

peacem said:


> @inmyprime
> Outside. And no when we did PIV my clit was too sensitive by this point to have anything on it. I just went on the sensation inside. I'm experimenting so no expert - making it up as I go along so to speak.
> 
> My husband couldn't do this without me being in control - he has no clue when I am getting there - he just went along with it and enjoyed it (surprised he didn't get bored or frustrated). I wanted him to experience the intense orgasm I was having because it was something I usually do alone and is very different. I wanted to show it off I suppose :wink2:.


I see. I think it will add to your sensations if you actually let your husband take control of your orgasms (or, more precisely, if he can have enough confidence to take that charge). It is relatively easy to tell for me when my wife is close (only rarely do I miss the point of no return for her), and letting him be in control of the build up, edging and actual orgasm should (in theory) make it more intense for you. At least it is this way for my wife but I realise couple dynamics can vary a lot and I have no experience beyond my wife so please ignore it if it doesn't work for you.... From your descriptions, it sounds as though you your husband is an extension to the vibrator (that's no a criticism: I love it if my wife "uses" me for her pleasure. I write it with the thought of providing helpful suggestions). But what vibrators _can't_ do, is take charge. It can be liberating for the woman (and man).
On the other hand, your husband may not be comfortable with that role (being in charge) and it might ruin an otherwise healthy sexual dynamic...So just a careful suggestion...


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

You could look into a We-Vibe. Which stimulates both clit AND G-Spot, and can be adjusted to favour one or the other, or both (using the phone app). And leaves room for 'PIV' at the same time.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> ... From your descriptions, it sounds as though you your husband is an extension to the vibrator (that's no a criticism: I love it if my wife "uses" me for her pleasure. I write it with the thought of providing helpful suggestions). But what vibrators _can't_ do, is take charge. It can be liberating for the woman (and man).


I like your idea of him taking charge when he is confident. I don't think of him as an extension to the vibrator, it was more that I wanted HIM to feel the orgasm.

In the past this has been a very difficult for us to orgasm together but he shared with me that it was an amazing feeling for him. He seemed pleased anyway. We woke up grinning at each other :grin2:.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Can I ask what contraception you use? I miss orgasming together. We just finished making babies and it's something I need to figure out going forward...(sorry if OT).


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> Can I ask what contraception you use? I miss orgasming together. We just finished making babies and it's something I need to figure out going forward...(sorry if OT).


vasectomy


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

peacem said:


> vasectomy


ouch. sounds painful.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> ouch. sounds painful.


He was back home in a couple of hours and described it as uncomfortable for a day or two. He didn't even take time off work. Definitely worth it.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

peacem said:


> Sorry I don't think I was very clear. We edged with a vibrator and then when I was ready we did PIV which made me finish in seconds and felt good for him too (because the contraction was strong and long). But he kept going - even after my orgasm this felt amazing and I had the potential for multiples. :surprise:
> 
> Because PIV orgasms don't come easy to me it was quite a moment for us.
> 
> Edit: I edged many times (maybe 20+), the time between getting to the edge became less and less. When it got to just a second or two to getting there is when I gave in and we did PIV.


Excellent description.

I got to wondering about why I started it, after your mention of why it wasn't in any of the books you read. I can't find any references in any books back from my youth.

I know I started it on myself when I was pre-teen, and started practicing it on girls in High School. I just was never in a hurry?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My own vasectomy turned out to be painful. It mostly subsided, and the doctors never sorted out why it is still tender. My wife just gives me tender kisses.

It was very liberating, and I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I recommend it to every man.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

WilliamM said:


> Excellent description.
> 
> I got to wondering about why I started it, after your mention of why it wasn't in any of the books you read. I can't find any references in any books back from my youth.
> 
> I know I started it on myself when I was pre-teen, and started practicing it on girls in High School. I just was never in a hurry?


You see that's interesting to me because I have been married 21 years and rushing sex has always been my husbands way. He used to get frustrated with me because it took so long and then got into the habit of being quick and selfish.

So this is a huge deal to me. I am finding a way of slowing things down that benefits us both. The books I have read tend to be about female sexuality and even those never mentioned edging. I only heard about guys doing it. Which is why I wanted to start the thread I suppose. :smile2:


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Well, it's really a great thread.

I thank you for starting it!

My wife loves the thread. Yes! My wife is multi-orgasmic once she gets going after I've been edging her about half an hour to an hour.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

WilliamM said:


> Well, it's really a great thread.
> 
> I thank you for starting it!
> 
> My wife loves the thread. Yes! My wife is multi-orgasmic once she gets going after I've been edging her about half an hour to an hour.


You are welcome. Why doesn't your wife join TAM? I am sure has some interesting stories to tell! :smile2:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> Excellent description.
> 
> I got to wondering about why I started it, after your mention of why it wasn't in any of the books you read. I can't find any references in any books back from my youth.
> 
> I know I started it on myself when I was pre-teen, and started practicing it on girls in High School. I just was never in a hurry?


I also wonder why I started it since I have most certainly not read anything about it..I think in my case it was a control thing (to control my wife's orgasms). But not hurrying could also have been the reason.


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