# Is he genuine or playing me?



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

Firstly thank you for the advice i've already received 

brief background: I'm a great wife and husband has been a good husband. We had news that one of our children is very sick. I lost it and husband did not cope with my dispair. I told him to leave as he was making me feel worse. (being rude, not being understanding etc etc etc etc?!). So he went to stay with a woman (arranged via a friend) for a bit then came home saying he thought he would be better if he lived alone. I basically told him to man up and deal with the issues his family faced and he could think again if he thought he was going to swan off into the sunset leaving me to deal with all of his responsibilities. we were trying to deal with it and he did seem a bit better but not wholly back with us (mentally).

He went back to work, abroad, and i noticed on the phone bill that when he was back with us he'd had significant text/call contact with the woman he'd stayed with. I suspect they saw each other too. Since he is now abroad he will use a different phone to contact her and i cant see that but I can see she is still sending him several texts a day and he is being a lot less communicative with me than he would normally be. There are no emails and no skype contact. But there is probably FB. 

So i came here got advice and sent him an email explaining how i felt about him and then I ignored him. He contacted me to say he had no idea I loved him like that and how great it felt to know that I wanted him as he hadn't felt wanted in ages.

So, I can still see the ongoing texts to him so I ask if she's been in touch and he says yes and that she is vulnerable, damaged, had a rough time etc but that it's not really his problem, he feels sorry for her and she is a lovely person but that it's not fair to us if he gets involved as he needs to spend his energy on us and he doesn't want to get involved with her problems (but he'd obviously spoken to her as he knew a lot about what was happening in her life right now). I agreed he needed to focus on our family. He is telling me all these plans he has for our future and says I hope it works out whereas I feel it should be I'm going to make it work. I'm still uneasy (he is a sucker for a damsel in distress!). 

Has he seen the light?, testing the waters, genuine or trying to play me?. I don't know what to do from here. When he gets home I'm going to keylog his laptop, spy on his phone and see what they are talking about if they are still in touch but until then I don't have any real evidence or proof either way. He tells me he loves me just that he isnt coping very well. 

So what can I do now from here?, he's not back for ages yet and I want to do damage limitation so given he's saying this do I take it at face value and run with it (trust but verify when he gets back) or something else? I'm tempted to go see her but the kind of woman who pursues a man whose having problems because their child is so sick is such a twisted peice of trash that I doubt it would make a difference to her. 

Any thoughts? and thank you.
x


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When will he be coming home?

I think that your plan is wise... get evidence once he is home. I would also not talk to him about the other woman in the interim so that he does not think you are spying on him now. YOu do not want to drive anything underground.

If all goes well, you will find nothing going on when he gets home. Just keep communicating with him and tell him how much you care, etc.


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## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

Thank you. I think that's the right way to play it too. He is away for I think 10 more weeks.

x


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