# Setting personal time aside...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

How do you guys do it? I just got Skyrim, and ready to lose myself in my man-cave for a while. However, the missus and kid is making it rather difficult for me. My wife especially... she keeps sitting on me and playing the game for me 

It's not like DA or ME where we can both play/watch the cinematics and discuss tactics together. Skyrim's a solely single-player lose-yourself type game. But it seems if I'm home, she must annoy me every second of the day. Even my daughter is never so needy. 

I just want some alone time 
Might have to install it at my office computer... oh wait, my work computer is trash. Even then... my workers will figure "oh hey, extra hands available, ask for help" and I'll never have time either.

*sighs* What to do?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Wow. I can't know.

It seems like when the kids are occupied and I think I even have a moment to just go into the can for a peaceful minute, that's when all of a sudden the kids start banging on the door non stop like there should be a party in the bathroom or something...... 

One of the reasons my Xbox has been unplugged for over a year......just can seem to get the alone man time anymore.

Is she susceptible to just telling her how you have been anticipating this game for ever and, while you men no disrespect, you really are just looking forward to the hour or two alone with no distractions?

Or just kick them out of the man cave, stating that there are no icky girls allowed in your clubhouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh well when my daughter interrupts me it's not so bad, she either just sits and watches, or snuggles with daddy. Sometimes she fiddles with the controls but that's about it, and I can just play with her for a while until she gets occupied then I go straight back into the world of Skyrim!

My wife however, she comes in, sits on me and grabs my controls, and ruins my immersion -.- It's nice with other games, but not this one!!! I don't know how to tell her really though, we've been playing games together too, and if I do tell her that I want to be alone in this game she may end up having a vendetta against Skyrim! lol

Oh hell think I'm just going to upgrade her computer and get another copy. Just to keep her occupied. Bah! Still have her savegame anyways, her little assassin. She seems to like roleplaying psycho women on the loose... :scratchhead:

That's very telling...
Heh Dragon Age... good times


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Have you told her you need alone time? Other than that, when she takers her alone time: bath, book, whatever. You take yours. My alone time is in the garage so I hardly ever get interrupted.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Video games are for children.

Throw the game away and spend time with your family.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

DanF said:


> Video games are for children.
> 
> Throw the game away and spend time with your family.


:slap: Welcome to the 21st Century dude. 

I'll bet if he was talking about sitting and watching a football game you'd be all for it. 

That said, it sounds like you need to do the option of upgrading and getting your wife her own computer and game. Be happy that she WANTS to play the game..but unfortunately it's when YOU want to play the game and you aren't getting your own space. That would drive me nuts as well!

So shell out and get her a computer and game too. :smthumbup:

Oh, and Dan F isn't all wrong. Make sure you limit your time playing and put aside time for your family too. It IS important that you don't blow off your family for gaming. But it's also important you get your own space to do what YOU want, be it gaming on the computer, watching sports on TV or hanging out with your friends. It's not for anyone to judge what your time is, as long as you aren't doing anything unethical or bad. 

BTW, I'm a woman and I like to play games too. Nothing relaxes me more than setting in for a few hours of gaming on the computer. My son and I have a great time playing WoW together. It really brings us together. He plays Skyrim too.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The worst is when she distracts me and gets me killed then laughs and takes over the game... >.<

Upgrading her computer, which is quite old, will mean just getting a new one really. Will cost me around a grand for everything + another copy of Skyrim. But I guess I'm considering it... don't really have an option do I?

Besides wifey should be thankful, while I'm distracted being the dovahkiin and all I have pretty much forgotten to start fights with her lol


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> The worst is when she distracts me and gets me killed then laughs and takes over the game... >.<


Well, that would piss me off! :lol: I'm not sure if it's because she's trying to get you to stop playing or wants to play herself. :scratchhead:

If you have things like a keyboard/mouse and a monitor then you'll just need a computer. Prices have come down a LOT in the past few years. For his birthday last week, my H bought my son a high end Alienware desktop gaming computer. It's considered one of the best computers you can get for gaming and it was $1100. This was not with monitor or keyboard though but I'd think that for around $500-700 you could get a decent computer for your wife. 

My gaming computer was built by my H several years back for around a grand. The same one now would be half the price. Shop around and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how prices have dropped, especially if your wife isn't a real high end gamer like my son is. It would make for a nice Christmas present for both of you. She'll have her own computer and you will have our space back. 

I feel your pain. I was always being nagged about having my own time/space. It's why I like being single now.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Oh, and Dan F isn't all wrong. Make sure you limit your time playing and put aside time for your family too. It IS important that you don't blow off your family for gaming. But it's also important you get your own space to do what YOU want, be it gaming on the computer, watching sports on TV or hanging out with your friends. It's not for anyone to judge what your time is, as long as you aren't doing anything unethical or bad.


I have had some luck with actually scheduling alone activities. When I tell me wife I will be "unavailable" (whether it is playing golf or watching my show) if give her specific times. It helps her plan, as well as gives her some certainty about when I will be spending time with her and the family.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I have had some luck with actually scheduling alone activities. When I tell me wife I will be "unavailable" (whether it is playing golf or watching my show) if give her specific times. It helps her plan, as well as gives her some certainty about when I will be spending time with her and the family.


I think actually scheduling your alone time is a great idea that will work well for both you and your wife. In my marriage it's reversed. We both work full time, but my husband has one week day off each week and is home alone some evenings while I do volunteer stuff and things like that, so he gets his alone time, but I don't. I use to go to my office to do my own thing and he'd end up standing in the doorway distracting me with conversation and just bugging me in general. So I had to start saying "tomorrow I'd like to scrapbook/read/whatever for a couple of hours after dinner, but then we could watch a movie together if you want to". Works great. Now he knows in advance and can plan, and also knows he isn't going to be ignored all night, which I admit I sometimes did.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :slap: Welcome to the 21st Century dude.
> 
> I'll bet if he was talking about sitting and watching a football game you'd be all for it.


You'd lose.

The only thing that I do is watch a little bit of NASCAR. My wife will either watch with me, watch something in the other room, or we will both skip it and do something else.
The only thing that keeps us apart is work.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I think it's important that each person get their own time alone to do what they want, whether it's watch TV or play computer games or go for a walk or out with friends or do scrapbooking..it doesn't matter what. It's not for the other person to judge. 

It's especially important if there are kids because you really need time to be an ADULT. There should be "us time" as in being couple but also "me" time where each person can do their own thing. Scheduling this time is important so the other person knows what to expect. It's nice to do things together as a couple and a family but it's important to have time for yourself as well. A lot of people don't realize this. 

So if Tuesdays or Fridays are the nights you want to play poker with the guys or you want to go to a meeting with your girlfirends, why the heck not? IMO it's just working together in the marriage. 

These situations where one person never gets any time to themselves or is hassled if they attempt to take that time isn't right. Unfortunately there was a lot of that in my marriage on both our parts over the years and it was a big factor as in why it failed.

I think that if my H and I did work out our differences and reconcile we wouldn't have that problem now but after living apart so long I don't think I could go back to having to answer to someone else for what I do with my off time.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

DanF said:


> You'd lose.
> 
> The only thing that I do is watch a little bit of NASCAR. My wife will either watch with me, watch something in the other room, or we will both skip it and do something else.
> The only thing that keeps us apart is work.


Well, it's a good thing we didn't lay a bet.  I tried that with my H for awhile..only doing things together. I can't do it. I liked doing a LOT of things with him but I needed my own time and found myself sneaking away to get some moments to myself and resenting him for it. He was the same way. I think many people react the same way. Seems your wife and you are the exception and it's good that you have each other. 

But I do think you are in the minority. 

I actually think you are right about putting aside time from any hobby to devote time to your spouse and family. It's important not to let any hobby completely monopolize your time. I've been guilty of this myself and when I look back on how I was I regret it greatly. In the end, everything is about balance. You need to balance time properly and it's not easy to do. 

But what I took offense was the statement that "video games are for kids". I hear that a lot, mostly from older people and I think that's crap. Video games are 21st century technology that's been incorporated into our entertainment, like television and Rock n' Roll music was introduced in the 20th Century and people said they were bad and would rot your brain, etc, etc. But now they are accepted and mainstream and more and more responsible and mature adults find gaming to be a great way to unwind and enjoy themselves. 

IMO gaming is no different than watching a race on TV (I was big into NASCAR about 10 years ago) or playing golf or watching a TV show. 

It's fun to play video games and many responsible adults with happy family lives do so. I personally know a bunch of them. The trick is not to let it overwhelm your life and degrade your relationships with those you love and love you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Scheduling eh? Well that never goes to plan... timetables never get followed really with me and my wife. We don't even have official mating times, it just comes when it comes. Oh well, I'm dealing with it, just savoring every moment that I can that I have to myself.

Have to admit though, Skyrim is like personal therapy for me, stops me thinking too much, keeps me sane. Helps me slow down my thoughts so I can make sense of it.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

DanF said:


> Video games are for children.
> 
> Throw the game away and spend time with your family.


That is so what a grown woman wants to hear from a grown man.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband plays Gran Tourismo 5 (racing) in the garage sometimes so I just take the laptop and go out there and we hang out but he does his game and I come on here! LOL!


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