# Why do guys outright ignore certain questions?



## Rugs

My old neighbor has been in contact with my brother and I. When his life was good, I heard all about it.

Recently, he and his wife have been having problems. HE texted me about an upcoming picnic and after I replied, I texted back:

Are things any better at home? Are you feeling depressed? Did you ever find out what was wrong with the dog?

He texted back the dog has an ear infection and did not respond to the other questions.

Why do guys do this.

Why couldn't he have texted that he did want to answer, or it was none of my business, or it was complicated.....WHATEVER!!

It made me feel like a fvcking jerk when all I was doing was reaching out.

Thoughts as to why I didn't get an answer and it was ignored.

I ended the texting by wishing him the best and to take it easy.

This is the same person who always signs off with, "keep in touch'"

Duh, I tried to be nice but now I'm pissed.

Am I overreacting? Why do guys do this stuff?
:scratchhead:


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## RandomDude

? =/

It's normal for folk from either gender to avoid answering questions, for a variety of reasons, such as being polite instead of saying:

"None of your business"


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## Rugs

I would rather be told it's none of my business than being ignored by a so called friend.

I don't think it's polite at all. 

He's the one that brought up the marriage problems to my brother and I a month ago.


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## RandomDude

It's not like he ignored your text, just your other questions. Chill, he probably doesn't know how to respond.


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## WorkingOnMe

It was none of your business. And he probably didn't feel the need to even acknowledge such a question. I'd ignore similar personal questions....how much money do you make, have you paid off a debt, have you slept with so and so yet, etc... It's different if I offer, but to ask is rude.


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## MEM2020

Rugs,
You think that because he 'opened up' before he is obligated to either continue to do so, or tell you to 'mind your own business'. 

You aren't angry because he politely avoided responding, you are angry because you feel entitled to know the answers to your questions. 






Rugs said:


> I would rather be told it's none of my business than being ignored by a so called friend.
> 
> I don't think it's polite at all.
> 
> He's the one that brought up the marriage problems to my brother and I a month ago.


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## Maneo

It is not just a guy thing. Both genders do it. It is a person thing. And yes, in my opinion you are over reacting. Others have made excellent comments on how and why. But if it bothers you that much, quit texting with him.


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## Rugs

[/QUOTE] 
You aren't angry because he politely avoided responding, you are angry because you feel entitled to know the answers to your questions.[/QUOTE]

Not true at all. I was married to a man that ignored my questions for 22 years. If I asked him what he would want for dinner or something simple, my stbxh would not respond or turn the television up louder. It was a control move that was done over and over leaving me frustrated. So yes, I am very sensitive about my questions being ignored.

I just would never not respond to a direct question. I sad, I was merely reaching out. It is none of my business but he should have told me in any other manner. 

Yes, I no longer will be texting this neighbor.


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## Pault

Lets look at this in smaller parts

Youve been invited to their picnic. You replied, though you dont say if it was yes or no. The outcome of this response may just have made the difference as to whether he opened up about 2 clear personal questions or not.

It might have been if you had agreed to go that asked how are things? How is the do now?

However, the question went straight to clear issues that are delicate to discuss even on a one to one never mid on text.

It might have been that "others" were likely to see the texts he senf/received. Might discussing key relationship questions with you have caused him problems of a similar nature. After all you dont who was present when that text arrived with him do you?
It might just be that he was guarding you from discussing something that was either very painful for him and not to be covered by text at that point OR perhaps as a result of aggreements with his partner that others should be excluded from their personal life. 

You see it as an afront to you. However, leading in to text chat with softer questions may have been the most diplomatic. 
Rather that aim straight at "How are things at home and are you depressed" may be a generic " and how are things with you are you all well there? . This might have allowed him to enter a a comment enough for you to know if it was apprapriate to follow on or give you Yep, all ok talk more when we see you (which means in basic speak -" cannot saying to much now, better said when face to face we your here.
Its an across gender way of dealing with difficult questions. Perhaps go to the picnic and speak one to one.


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## ChelseaBlue

Rugs said:


> .....
> 
> Not true at all. I was married to a man that ignored my questions for 22 years. If I asked him what he would want for dinner or something simple, my stbxh would not respond or turn the television up louder. It was a control move that was done over and over leaving me frustrated. So yes, I am very sensitive about my questions being ignored.
> 
> .....
> 
> Yes, I no longer will be texting this neighbor.


It seems to me that you are taking your resentment and frustration with your (ex?) husband out on your neighbor.

You are allowed to ask any question you want, and your neighbor is allowed to answer, or not, as he sees fit.


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## Caribbean Man

I think your neighbour was being polite by deflecting your enquiries.
Sometimes we just have to read between the lines no matter how well intentioned our motives are.
If our motives are good ,
Then we're supposed to understand.


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## Rowan

Perhaps your neighbor is working on his marriage and as part of that he and his wife have agreed not to share the details of their relationship with friends. Or maybe just with friends of the opposite sex. 

And yes, speaking as a woman, you are overreacting. Asking a married man personal questions about his relationship with his wife can be seen as being nosy, prying into things that are none of your business, or even as a come-on to a guy you know is in a vulnerable state. Him not answering you was your answer. He doesn't want to talk to you about his relationship or his emotional state. For whatever reason. Respect that choice.


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## zookeeper

Yes, you are overreacting. You have a sensitivity to getting less than a direct answer to a question, likely due to your experience with your ex. You know this. See it for what it is.


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## clipclop2

There specially a, when you've heard things are going wrong in the marriage if were wife would be very wary of you .

Your ex husband not answering questions is a whole different matter not even comparable.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy

Rugs said:


> I would rather be told it's none of my business than being ignored by a so called friend.
> 
> I don't think it's polite at all.
> 
> He's the one that brought up the marriage problems to my brother and I a month ago.


He can change his mind about telling you, or maybe prefers to do so in person. He owes you no explanation. Perhaps it's rude by your standards - if so, you can follow through on that if you want, or just ignore it and see what develops.


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## NextTimeAround

the other thing to thinkabout here, is be careful what you ask for . Would you want him calling /texting at any time of the day for your opinion? I'm sure you probably would not and would be calling him the dreaded "N" word...... needy.

Just remember, being "in" on someone's life could create implicit responsibilities that you have not bargained for.


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## Racer

Ugh... texting. I hate it when someone asks you a very complicated question for yourself in a text format. Look at my story, it'd be hard to compress into a couple one liners. Face to face you'd get me to rant for hours... but never on a text or email.

It's got nothing to do with not wanting to tell you and get your thoughts, it's the format. You can't easily talk about matters of the heart that way.


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## Racer

Oh, and another thought. I have not really told my closest friends about my wife's affairs, just that we have been on the brink of divorce without much explanation. Why? I fear it may change our relationship due to her affairs. I stay vague, and because they are friends, they don’t pressure; They just offer support should I need it... “Just ask.”

They'd stand by me, they are my friends after all. Sometimes it’s just better to know this than put it to a test. I don’t need their thoughts and support about this matter between my wife and I. I need to get out occasionally and away from thinking about all of it. That is where I rely on them most and always have.


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## Vega

Rugs said:


> My old neighbor has been in contact with my brother and I. When his life was good, I heard all about it.
> 
> Recently, he and his wife have been having problems. HE texted me about an upcoming picnic and after I replied, I texted back:
> 
> Are things any better at home? Are you feeling depressed? Did you ever find out what was wrong with the dog?
> 
> He texted back the dog has an ear infection and did not respond to the other questions.
> 
> Why do guys do this.
> 
> Why couldn't he have texted that he did want to answer, or it was none of my business, or it was complicated.....WHATEVER!!
> 
> It made me feel like a fvcking jerk when all I was doing was reaching out.
> 
> Thoughts as to why I didn't get an answer and it was ignored.
> 
> I ended the texting by wishing him the best and to take it easy.
> 
> This is the same person who always signs off with, "keep in touch'"
> 
> Duh, I tried to be nice but now I'm pissed.
> 
> Am I overreacting? Why do guys do this stuff?
> :scratchhead:


I get where you're coming from, Rugs. My ex used to do stuff like this and it used to frustrate the h*ll out of me. 

Mindreading is NOT a form of communication. In *your* case, he could have easily said that "everything's fine" or that he'd "rather not talk about it". To simply ignore a direct question is well...rude. 

I would ask my ex a question while he was sitting at the computer. It would be a simple question such as, "Do you need anything from the store?" He wouldn't look up from what he was doing. He wouldn't acknowledge that I even SAID anything. His eyes would remain focused on the computer screen. I would wait 10...20...30 seconds before I would repeat my question. He did this quite often. 

My beef wasn't that he wasn't answering; it was that he wasn't even acknowledging that I was in the same room, not 3 feet away from him. He would tell me that he was "thinking" about his answer. But in all honesty, why couldn't he SAY that? Why couldn't he simply toss me a glance or hold up his finger to let me know that he at least HEARD me? 

Then one day, ex and his d13 were watching t.v. while I was busy on the computer. The t.v. show spurred d13 to ask ex if HE ever used drugs. Ex didn't look at her. He just kept staring at the t.v. She said, "Dad?" and waited for about 10 seconds. Then said "Dad?" again. And again. And AGAIN. Finally, something else took away her attention and she left the room. I asked him, "Why didn't you answer her?" He said, "I didn't know HOW to respond!" But that wasn't the point. The point was, that again, he didn't even _acknowledge_ that she said anything, and it was OBVIOUS that he heard her, because of how he responded to ME. 

At least I realized that it wasn't only ME he did this too...

Vega


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## Kobo

He already has one nagging woman to deal with


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## Catherine602

He is smart. Avoids talking about his relationship problems with a female friend. Commiserating with him may lead to an EA. It could easily become a PA if he is unhappy in his marriage. 

I think you should protect your marriage and avoid discussing relationship problems with men, yours or his.


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