# Unsure



## All (Feb 4, 2012)

My husband has decided he would like to look into getting a separation. We have been married 12 years. We have 4 children. We've been through marriage counseling 3 or 4 times and that hasn't helped much - obviously. He's currently living overseas to finish up his degree. He left about two weeks ago. I knew when he went over that things were bad. We had talked about trying to do marriage counseling over Skype, but he was uncomfortable with that. Basically, he's saying that counseling doesn't work, we're too different, we want different things from life, he still loves me (and doesn't want to grow to hate me) and the kids but can't live the way we've been living. He wants to be in their lives and help as much as possible - realistically I think that means he'll see them every other weekend. The kids know something is up, but I can't say anything without breaking down, and I don't want to upset them anymore than I need to. We have been in touch through email, and one phone call. 

I love him and realize I haven't done close to anything what a wife should have done. Right now I'm just trying to give him space, because talking to me is just pissing him off. I'm having a hard time just keeping it together. I'm in school full time, 4 kids at home, myriad of other responsibilities, and surviving. I feel like I should try to keep my emotions to a minimum around the kids.


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## Unrequited (Feb 6, 2012)

Sounds like he's had TOO MUCH space. Why does he need to finish a degree overseas? I need more info.


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## twenty8 (Jan 31, 2010)

All said:


> My husband has decided he would like to look into getting a separation. We have been married 12 years. We have 4 children. We've been through marriage counseling 3 or 4 times and that hasn't helped much - obviously. He's currently living overseas to finish up his degree. He left about two weeks ago. I knew when he went over that things were bad. We had talked about trying to do marriage counseling over Skype, but he was uncomfortable with that. Basically, he's saying that counseling doesn't work, we're too different, we want different things from life, he still loves me (and doesn't want to grow to hate me) and the kids but can't live the way we've been living. He wants to be in their lives and help as much as possible - realistically I think that means he'll see them every other weekend. The kids know something is up, but I can't say anything without breaking down, and I don't want to upset them anymore than I need to. We have been in touch through email, and one phone call.
> 
> I love him and realize I haven't done close to anything what a wife should have done. Right now I'm just trying to give him space, because talking to me is just pissing him off. I'm having a hard time just keeping it together. I'm in school full time, 4 kids at home, myriad of other responsibilities, and surviving. I feel like I should try to keep my emotions to a minimum around the kids.


What drove you guys to this? something happen? :scratchhead:


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

if there's anything i've learned from my marriage it doesnt matter how different you are. your similiarities are what matter. there could be a billion reasons why you shouldnt be together and if you let them matter then you're screwed. you can be from different cultures and like different everything but you can still be drawn together - you just have to want to. 

usually i play the "give him space" game too, but with an ocean between you.. i think that's more than enough. if you want to make the effort you really have to. valentines day is coming... why dont you send him a package? something very heartfelt like pictures of the two of you and your family... his favorite snacks or candy that he cant get there that he might be missing and a really sweet letter. but you have to mean it. you have to make him want you, so everything that he doesnt like about you really try to work on it. make a sweet action plan of things you or both of you are going to do when he gets back. 

you cant just let him go and not give him a reason to want to come home to you. guys are like kids, they need to be taken care of. they'll never admit it, but they need a lot of attention!!!

best of luck! 

ps. if i were you i'd go visit him!! i love traveling!!


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