# Romance vs. Reality



## sunnygirl (Nov 23, 2008)

I have always been the dreamer/romantic type. My husband is the logical, stodgy, old man (despite being 31) type. I long for a little bit of adventure, while he prefers planning everything out. Can these two completely different people survive? I am dying inside. I feel like we live like we are in our 80's. We actually do less than my grandparents did in their last years...and I am only 33! He is overweight and does not leave the house very often while I am in shape and am always on the go. We rarely do anything together, since our interests are so different. 

Our sex life is pretty much reflective of our personalities, too. He likes one or two positions and lasts under 5 minutes. I am more adventurous, but rarely get more than this due to his stamina issues. Can a relationship survive without _some_ good sex every now and then? I mean, I have not once had an orgasm in our whole five year relationship, but it could just be me, I have had problems with that my whole adult life. 

On the other hand...He really does love me and want the best for me. He is very caring and always thinking about me. I'm not sure I would ever find someone who cares so much about me. Since he thinks logically and I usually go with my gut, he tells me that he can see "logically" that I will one day regret having gotten a divorce, since no one else could possibly love me more than him. He foresees that I will be with someone who I think loves me but who actually doesn't as much as he does. Now I am scared out of my mind thinking he may be right!!! And in his mind there is no taking me back once I have left. He refuses to do a separation or even go to counseling-which I think is pretty ridiculous. Is he just trying to scare me???

Should I just give up on divorce and keep trying to fit a square peg in round hole? It seems like the only way that will work is by chipping away enough at the square peg-me


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Sunnygirl,

What are both of your astro signs? I believe in them to a certain degree gotta know after reading. What are your orgasm issues? maybe some advice here can help you. 

Martino


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

yes, he is trying to scare you. No one says that kind of thing, unless they are insecure. He's afraid you'll leave him, so he's trying to make you think no one will ever love you again, or not as deeply as he does. Which of course, itsn't true. But the question is, do you want this to work? It is ridiculous that he won't go to counseling. You sound very sensible, you know what limitations have been placed on your marriage due to personality differences. 

And I think counseling is a great idea. He'll have to compromise some, and so will you. He'll have to go out more and be more adventurous, and you will have to chill sometimes with him. I am sure you do your part already though. But, if he refuses counseling, then it might be very difficult to fix this.

Keep working on him, and let him know how serious this issue is. Ultimately, if two people that are as different as you and your spouse are, can't come to a compromise, and work out their differences, then a marriage might be difficult to sustain. He needs to stop making threats and telling you you'll never find better, and realize that if he doesn't step up and get help with you, you might very well leave and find better someday.

Either way, don't let him scare you by saying you can't ever be loved again, of course that's a bunch of bull. But, all in all, he sounds like he's a really nice guy, so I hope the two of you can get past your personality difference issues, to enjoy a sexy, fun, marriage. Just keep on trying and talking to him. You might have to lay down the law, and just let him know that you're in trouble, and that you would like to fix it, before it's too far gone. Good luck


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## sunnygirl (Nov 23, 2008)

martino said:


> Sunnygirl,
> 
> What are both of your astro signs? I believe in them to a certain degree gotta know after reading. What are your orgasm issues? maybe some advice here can help you.
> 
> Martino


Martino, you are absolutely right on! I am an Aries and he is a Taurus. We both represent our signs very well. I'm not sure how much stock I put into astrology , but it IS uncanny. do you think this could be part of the problem between us?

My orgasm issues I think have something to do with not being relaxed enough or something. I get tensed up when I think about having sex with my hubby because he is pretty big and I have a hard me being attracted when I know I'm not going to get anything out of it. I don't know, maybe I have other issues I don't know about.


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## sunnygirl (Nov 23, 2008)

marina72 said:


> And I think counseling is a great idea. He'll have to compromise some, and so will you. He'll have to go out more and be more adventurous, and you will have to chill sometimes with him. I am sure you do your part already though. But, if he refuses counseling, then it might be very difficult to fix this.
> 
> Either way, don't let him scare you by saying you can't ever be loved again, of course that's a bunch of bull. But, all in all, he sounds like he's a really nice guy, so I hope the two of you can get past your personality difference issues, to enjoy a sexy, fun, marriage. Just keep on trying and talking to him. You might have to lay down the law, and just let him know that you're in trouble, and that you would like to fix it, before it's too far gone. Good luck


Marina, thank you for your advice! I know we have so many problems, way more problems than anything positive, unfortunately. I have thought a long time about leaving this relationship, but I he is so much more "logical" than I am and is _really_ great at convincing me not to leave! I know that the only thing that could make this relationship bearable is if we got counseling and he changed his habits, which I am afraid he will never do. The problem is that he knows the changes he needs to make are positive for him and for our relationship, but it may be too little, too late. I'm not sure I can trust that he will change. I HAVE made compromises for years with him, but he seems to be unable to.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Sunnygirl,

Not really a problem, his sign is usually less dramatic than you, you probably create drama and tension with him out of sheer boredom.


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## sunnygirl (Nov 23, 2008)

martino said:


> Sunnygirl,
> 
> Not really a problem, his sign is usually less dramatic than you, you probably create drama and tension with him out of sheer boredom.


Martino, I think you may be right about me creating drama. He is really so hard for me to read because he shows almost no emotion at all. I always just assume he is angry because he isn't smiling or appearing happy very often. So I think I try to create drama so I can get ANY sort of response from him. It drives him crazy that I just can't be happy with our life together. What can I do about this???


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

He sounds like my husband. He is boring. He desn't talk much. And I fear not finding someone who loves me as much as he.

Phhh! I so understand where you are at. My freinds dont even really chat much anymore because they don't think we are suited.

At the end of the day though, it all comes down to the BIG and basic question. Are you into him? Are you pretending to be into him because he has qualities that you admire?

I think that is me, anyway, and I feel ashamed.


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