# How not to handle infidelity.



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He became a cuckold doormat (Marriage Builders). The advice he got back then is not what he’d have gotten now. I doubt it would have saved his marriage but he‘d have kept his self respect and probably endured less long term pain and suffering.

The worst part is he did this in front of his teenage son.

If you read his last post he learned nothing. Following his gold digging, low class, cheating wife’s instruction to the last.









Can an Intervention end an affair?


Got served today. She filed a month ago. She probably hired the lawyer over two months ago. I was just going to come on line and make a note about my W and her trip to Australia. She emailed me yesterday about my son not responding to her emails, texts and facebook posts. She wanted me to get...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The first page of that thread is just vomit inducing. Couldn't get any further except to read his last post. Wow, poor ******.

eta: the asterisked word did not start with an 'F'.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Shame on all those people giving such advice.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I won't read it because getting a root canal by drilling up through my butt would be more fun.

Decisive and firm actions overcome infidelity, for reconciliation or not.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

We could start a cuckoholics anonymous page for the spine transplant some need.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> We could start a cuckoholics anonymous page for the spine transplant some need.


I created the one thread, but I am afraid I don't have the stomach to create one focusing on the opposite.

One thing to remember is these people are right where they want to be. Make no mistake, it's also in their nature, just like their cheater.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> I created the one thread, but I am afraid I don't have the stomach to create one focusing on the opposite.
> 
> One thing to remember is these people are right where they want to be. Make no mistake, it's also in their nature, just like their cheater.


I do believe their nature has a lot to do with it though it could be an overall fear or cowardice even. I don't believe they want their wives to cheat but they don't apparently view themselves as having much agency in their own lives.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

It’s a difficult situation because some people do survive infidelity. Some people value the family unit far more than their individual pain... women have been doing this for decades (luckily less and less). 

The problem is, there are some people on this forum who are very cutthroat when it comes to infidelity, almost like there is only one way to handle it. And that’s not true right? There are people on this forum who have survived it, and are happy they didn’t leave. 

My exH purposely treated me like **** because he wanted me to file. I hung in there. Did I lose some pride and self respect? I don’t see it that way. I did whatever I could to save my marriage, and I’m proud of that. I’m Christian, and I know I did right by God and that feels good. 
Some people can put the hammer down and save their “pride” as you put it. But what if there is a chance or reconciliation. What if you want to go down, doing everything to save your family? Does that mean you have no pride or self respect?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Probably the stupidest statement you'll ever hear is, "I love her (him) so much I refused to believe she ( or he) could be banging another person, stabbing me in the back, et cetera". How much you love them has zero to do with whether they will betray you.
You can get by not appearing to be a complete, out of touch with reality, dumbazz by at least phrasing it, "I believed she(he) loved me so much, they would never---------"


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

VladDracul said:


> Probably the stupidest statement you'll ever hear is, "I love her (him) so much I refused to believe she ( or he) could be banging another person, stabbing me in the back, et cetera". How much you love them has zero to do with whether they will betray you.
> You can get by not appearing to be a complete, out of touch with reality, dumbazz by at least phrasing it, "I believed she(he) loved me so much, they would never---------"


I did believe my husband loved me enough not to do all he did...he screamed it in my face...how could I ever believe such things about him?! 30 years I have loved you and you accuse me of this?! Are you crazy?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> It’s a difficult situation because some people do survive infidelity. Some people value the family unit far more than their individual pain... women have been doing this for decades (luckily less and less).
> 
> The problem is, there are some people on this forum who are very cutthroat when it comes to infidelity, almost like there is only one way to handle it. And that’s not true right? There are people on this forum who have survived it, and are happy they didn’t leave.
> 
> ...


This isn't about the choice to try reconciliation or to divorce.

It is about being advised to be a willing cuckold while kissing a cheating wife's well used rump.

The choice to reconcile should be made from a position of strength, not subjugation to someone brain dead enough to be cheating.

@No Longer Lonely Husband chose to reconcile after acting with very decisive and uncompromising destruction on his wayward wife.

She either had to run and hide or accept her humility and responsibility for her behavior.

She had zero wiggle room and it was a great thing to behold.😁


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> It’s a difficult situation because some people do survive infidelity. Some people value the family unit far more than their individual pain... women have been doing this for decades (luckily less and less).
> 
> The problem is, there are some people on this forum who are very cutthroat when it comes to infidelity, almost like there is only one way to handle it. And that’s not true right? There are people on this forum who have survived it, and are happy they didn’t leave.
> 
> ...


I never mentioned pride as you put it And she divorced him in the end which it turned out was her plans all along. She found a richer man for her expensive tastes.

For Reconciliation to work there has to be some specifics involved. He never had any to work with if you read the full thread.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Hard pass on reading that.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I still genuinely don't understand this reaction? To me, it seems very malicious and self-righteous.

And how does it have anything to do with reconciliation? 

I personally would never, ever stay with someone who treated me this way - especially after the gloating there at the end.



ConanHub said:


> ...very decisive and uncompromising destruction on his wayward wife.
> 
> She either had to run and hide or accept her humility [humiliation?] and responsibility for her behavior.
> 
> She had zero wiggle room and it was a great thing to behold.😁


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

minimalME said:


> I still genuinely don't understand this reaction? To me, it seems very malicious and self-righteous.
> 
> And how does it have anything to do with reconciliation?
> 
> I personally would never, ever stay with someone who treated me this way - especially after the gloating there at the end.


Have you read his story? His actions gave their marriage a healthy chance by absolutely destroying the affair.

The old house was burned right to the ground along with all the termites. They worked hard and built a new one on the existing foundation.

She was humiliated because her idiotic and shameful behavior was exposed. Her actions brought her shame. Her husband was understandably outraged.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

minimalME said:


> I still genuinely don't understand this reaction? To me, it seems very malicious and self-righteous.
> 
> And how does it have anything to do with reconciliation?
> 
> I personally would never, ever stay with someone who treated me this way - especially after the gloating there at the end.


P.S. He was far more gentle than I would have been and I wouldn't have taken her cheating ass back. My grinning emoji was for the saving of their marriage the only real way it could have been.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I appreciate you taking the time to explain how you see it, but I still don't understand the dynamic.

Outside of a biblical framework (which is not how anyone ever handles adultery anymore), it just comes across as rooting for revenge.

Bascially, hiding all your nasty ****, while getting off on exposing another person's.



ConanHub said:


> Have you read his story? His actions gave their marriage a healthy chance by absolutely destroying the affair.
> 
> The old house was burned right to the ground along with all the termites. They worked hard and built a new one on the existing foundation.
> 
> She was humiliated because her idiotic and shameful behavior was exposed. Her actions brought her shame. Her husband was understandably outraged.





ConanHub said:


> P.S. He was far more gentle than I would have been and I wouldn't have taken her cheating ass back. My grinning emoji was for the saving of their marriage the only real way it could have been.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

minimalME said:


> I appreciate you taking the time to explain how you see it, but I still don't understand the dynamic.
> 
> Outside of a biblical framework (which is not how anyone ever handles adultery anymore), it just comes across as rooting for revenge.
> 
> Bascially, hiding all your nasty ****, while getting off on exposing another person's.


Nope. Affairs are necessarily hidden because they won't bear scrutiny. Their marriage was in the light while her affair was in the dark with cockroaches and slime.

He brought the light to her affair and, unsurprisingly, it was over the day it was discovered.

Affairs absolutely deserve and need exposure barring special circumstances.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I do believe their nature has a lot to do with it though it could be an overall fear or cowardice even. I don't believe they want their wives to cheat but they don't apparently view themselves as having much agency in their own lives.


I truly believe these kind of relationships are symbiotic.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Yeah, but see that's the thing for me, _everybody hides their sins_. 

It's human to hide.

So, it's fascinating to me that it really just comes down to which generation you're born into as to how it'll be handled.

And folks now are definitely enjoying exposing everyone for everything. Unless, of course, it's _their sin_.

Everyone has secret sins that they don't openly share. So to act like you're somehow better is a lie. You're guilty too. Adultery may not be your thing, _but something is_.

And these threads about cheating are consistently void of any humility and compassion. Definitely much more the lynch mob.

If this person you're referring to truly healed their marriage - okay. I don't know that I really believe that's true. They may still be married, but what I've seen (from a distance) is that the injured partner expects the other to live in a perpetual state of groveling. Which I would never tolerate.

True reconciliation today I think is very rare. 



ConanHub said:


> Nope. Affairs are necessarily hidden because they won't bear scrutiny. Their marriage was in the light while her affair was in the dark with cockroaches and slime.
> 
> He brought the light to her affair and, unsurprisingly, it was over the day it was discovered.
> 
> Affairs absolutely deserve and need exposure barring special circumstances.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

minimalME said:


> Yeah, but see that's the thing for me, _everybody hides their sins_.
> 
> It's human to hide.
> 
> ...


You can decide for yourself. His thread is still here on TAM and he is still an active poster and one of the few people that has my respect.

That is saying a lot because her betrayal was truly disgusting and he came here not even aware it was happening but he was being neglected and he was reaching out for help.

Little did he know, she was busy defiling herself with a scumbag and didn't have the time to be a tramp for her lover and a good wife to him at the same time.

They have come about pretty good and both seem healthy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

minimalME said:


> Yeah, but see that's the thing for me, _everybody hides their sins_.
> 
> It's human to hide.
> 
> ...


P.S. I believe in discretion about a lot of things. Many issues aren't anyone elses business.

Affairs are not in those categories.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I won't read it because getting a root canal by drilling up through my butt would be more fun.
> 
> Decisive and firm actions overcome infidelity, for reconciliation or not.


Now that’s a visual 😂


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> This isn't about the choice to try reconciliation or to divorce.
> 
> It is about being advised to be a willing cuckold while kissing a cheating wife's well used rump.
> 
> ...


I agree to a point but I think there is a bigger picture. Some relationships are so abusive that to continue in them is immoral, to advise or give encouragement to someone who is doing so is also immortal also. 

When there is chronic abuse such as serial cheating then you have a responsibility to society end that abuse even if you are the one being victimized by it. That is because the abuse diminishes all of us and the institution of marriage, which is very important to the fabric of society, not very different then child abuse. In a sense it works the same way because it effect children who grow up in that environment. But even in regards to that, serial abusive relationships like that destroy the faith in the institution of marriage.

It's not a simple as just, it's their choice.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

minimalME said:


> I appreciate you taking the time to explain how you see it, but I still don't understand the dynamic.
> 
> Outside of a biblical framework (which is not how anyone ever handles adultery anymore), it just comes across as rooting for revenge.
> 
> Bascially, hiding all your nasty ****, while getting off on exposing another person's.


I am always struck by this idea that any kind of punishment or even just consequence for ones actions is somehow revenge. What exactly is the recourse then for any bad action, nothing? Do you believe in any kind of corporal deterrent? 

Exposing affairs creates a culture where the damage is exposed as well. In a greater sense it helps to destroy the fantasy. We as a society do the same exact thing with many other types of injustices.

That is not to say that every affair needs to be exposed to the time square like the scarlet letter.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> I agree to a point but I think there is a bigger picture. Some relationships are so abusive that to continue in them is immoral, to advise or give encouragement to someone who is doing so is also immortal also.
> 
> When there is chronic abuse such as serial cheating then you have a responsibility to society end that abuse even if you are the one being victimized by it. That is because the abuse diminishes all of us and the institution of marriage, which is very important to the fabric of society, not very different then child abuse. In a sense it works the same way because it effect children who grow up in that environment. But even in regards to that, serial abusive relationships like that destroy the faith in the institution of marriage.
> 
> It's not a simple as just, it's their choice.


I always consider the health of the children and then the betrayed first in any advice I give.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I always consider the health of the children and then the betrayed first in any advice I give.


What other chronic abuse would we advise or even tacitly encourage someone to stay in?

The real problem is that not everyone has come to the enlightenment that adultery is abuse, but that day is coming.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

sokillme said:


> *I am always struck by this idea that any kind of punishment or even just consequence for ones actions is somehow revenge. What exactly is the recourse then for any bad action, nothing? Do you believe in any kind of corporal deterrent?*
> 
> Exposing affairs creates a culture where the damage is exposed as well. In a greater sense it helps to destroy the fantasy. We as a society do the same exact thing with many other types of injustices.
> 
> That is not to say that every affair needs to be exposed to the time square like the scarlet letter.


That's a good point. We always hear that the best revenge is living well. Not sure that's true. If you have been betrayed by your spouse, letting them feel the consequences is sometimes a form of punishment. For me that wasn't any kind of mass exposure (just told my closest friends and parents) but more about not letting my then-husband benefit from any of the good things about being with me; he didn't get to talk to me about his day, or come with me to see my friends, or ask my opinion, nor would I cook for him, do his laundry or otherwise care for him. Not because I hated him, which I admit I did for a few months, but because with the guidance of people on this board, I loved myself enough to see that he was bad for me and that I didn't need his toxic nonsense in my life. We still co-parent together just fine. But he doesn't get the benefit of being with me (if that could be considered a benefit) because part of recovering from the infidelity was realizing that I have worth, that I am worthy of love, and that I dont' deserve to be cheated on. A part of me thought about Waiting to Exhale scene with the car but in the end, I didn't want what happened to change my moral compass. Can't say I wasn't tempted though


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

sokillme said:


> What other chronic abuse would we advise or even tacitly encourage someone to stay in?
> 
> The real problem is that not everyone has come to the enlightenment that adultery is abuse, but that day is coming.


It’s difficult to believe that day IS coming, most courts don’t even care anymore with no fault divorce. Cinema romanticizes it. And the days of being lauded for honor and loyalty seem all but dead to me. I know very few loyal people, I thought my WH was one of them. 

At least I’d like our society to recognize the destruction it causes and the importance of family. Family is yet another weakening structure in our society. But I hope you’re right, I just don’t see the light like you do. It’s depressing.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

joannacroc said:


> That's a good point. We always hear that the best revenge is living well. Not sure that's true. If you have been betrayed by your spouse, letting them feel the consequences is sometimes a form of punishment. For me that wasn't any kind of mass exposure (just told my closest friends and parents) but more about not letting my then-husband benefit from any of the good things about being with me; he didn't get to talk to me about his day, or come with me to see my friends, or ask my opinion, nor would I cook for him, do his laundry or otherwise care for him. Not because I hated him, which I admit I did for a few months, but because with the guidance of people on this board, I loved myself enough to see that he was bad for me and that I didn't need his toxic nonsense in my life. We still co-parent together just fine. But he doesn't get the benefit of being with me (if that could be considered a benefit) because part of recovering from the infidelity was realizing that I have worth, that I am worthy of love, and that I dont' deserve to be cheated on. A part of me thought about Waiting to Exhale scene with the car but in the end, I didn't want what happened to change my moral compass. Can't say I wasn't tempted though


Good post. 

I always believe the the best kind of advice for people dealing with the shock from adultery is advice that empowers them. There are lots of ways to do that, and not one size fits all. 

I think one of the good things about this site is that our posters have different strengths.

For me, unfortunately sometimes I think that means shocking them a little more by opening their eyes to the fact that their thinking may be wrong. Now often times this may be from years of living in an abusive situation that normalizes abuse. That often starts even with childhood before they even get into these toxic marriages, but some spouses are manipulative enough they can use a persons very good intentions against them. Often times that can be very hard for the person already suffering, and I can come off as uncaring. I truly believe the truth is a pathway to freedom. Even very harsh truths.

But love conquers all, or saving the marriage for marriage's sake is crap, and really bad advice.

There is a really toxic idea that saving the marriage helps marriage as an institution but often times and my experience has been that just "surviving" broken marriages does more damage to marriage (and people) in general then divorce does. Often times it's their parents bad marriages that is used as a model for people who follow suit into their own bad marriages. Even subtle things like the failure to communicate or be affectionate because there has been no example that these things are part of a good marriage.

More often then not divorce is liberation. The fact that so much has more to do with the way people behave in marriage, not the people leaving the marriage. I also think there is a disconnect between the utility of what a tradition marriage use to provide in the past and what it does now. Also what it needs to provide. 

And let's be honest, I believe most people stay because of fear. Yet, in my own life with my Mom, I can show you lots of threads, and I have even I have even created a thread here that shows people who were afraid realize these fears were mostly unfounded after they left. 

Finally this should be said often - everyone deserves better, and that is a universal truth. It should be seen like any other universal truth. If you are a faithful spouse and are cheated on YOU DESERVE BETTER. 

Marriage is a sacred trust in my mind it is wrong to defile it just to avoid divorce.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

minimalME said:


> I still genuinely don't understand this reaction? To me, it seems very malicious and self-righteous.
> 
> And how does it have anything to do with reconciliation?
> 
> I personally would never, ever stay with someone who treated me this way - especially after the gloating there at the end.





minimalME said:


> I still genuinely don't understand this reaction? To me, it seems very malicious and self-righteous.
> 
> And how does it have anything to do with reconciliation?
> 
> I personally would never, ever stay with someone who treated me this way - especially after the gloating there at the end.


Hello. Hmm. Malicious? Self-righteous? Really? Interesting take on my actions. What does my actions have to do with reconciliation? 

First of all, I am a pretty mild-mannered fellow, except when faced with what I was faced with five years ago. I joined this thread for help as I could feel my marriage slipping away. I had no thoughts that my wife would ever step out on me. We had been married at the time 29 years, our two children had graduated from college and were thriving, we had been blessed financially. From the outside looking in, you would think all was well. 

After a few days on this thread, I received a multitude of advice that she was having an affair. I refused to believe the posters initially, that was, until I followed their advice. I searched our house for burner phones, had my IT director of my business search her laptop and iPad, and the phone records. Not a thing....until I went into one of our guest bedrooms and search the closet. There I found sexy lingerie that had signs of being worn, but not for me. I sat down, poured me a stiff one, thought tactically and methodically, and figured it had to be a co-worker she was messing around with as there was no electronic trail.

On Veterans Day 2015, her company had an open house. She did everything to discourage me from attending, it will be boring, you won’t enjoy yadda yadda yadda. Well, I figured it out that there was a reason she did not want me there. I told her i was going to pick guitar with a pal and would see her when she got home. Well, ol’ jarhead Jon, showed up at the open house and saw them inside the glass enclosed conference room and POSOM looked at her and I read his lips “what’s he doing here?” Can you say busted! I just walked up and handed her my wine glass said “if you come home we need to talk and have a nice time with asshat here.” As I drove home in the thirty minute drive she must have called me several dozen times, I did not answer.

The next day I exposed on facebook, to my parents, my adult kids, my brothers and sister in law, my sisters and it was boom boom out go the lights! Game on! She was in la la land. Me I went to war. I took an heirloom bed and drove out to my farm the next night and built a bonfire and set it on fire and sent her the video of it going up in flames. Point to me. The affair died immediately due the exposure which I will say is like spraying Lysol on germs. It kills it. I got her undivided attention after that. I had papers drafted but never served. I let them sit on the desk in my study for several months to make her squirm.

Trying not to be long winded here, but rather give the background as to why my actions were successful. First I did not do the pick me dance. Second, I did not let her get away with blameshifting and ******** standard cheater excuses. I did the 180 and vanished for six weeks.

Needless to say to make a long story short, I had to take my original thread down due to being sued by POSOM.( Long story there I am not going to elaborate on-I won-He lost big time). I am now on my fifth year of R and our marriage is solid and communication vastly improved. I used advice gleaned on this site to win my battle over infidelity and feel I was victorious thanks to many concerned posters.

Had I been weak and done the ol “pick me dance”, she would have seen me as weak and undesirable. Women respect strength, not weakness. Where are we now. I have a wife that is remorseful, goes the extra mile for me, and we are SOLID. I did not devise this path on my own, it was a plan built out of taking the advice I found useful and developing a plan to save my marriage. Nothing self righteous or malicious. I just declared war on her infidelity.

Peace.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

QuietRiot said:


> It’s difficult to believe that day IS coming, most courts don’t even care anymore with no fault divorce. Cinema romanticizes it. And the days of being lauded for honor and loyalty seem all but dead to me. I know very few loyal people, I thought my WH was one of them.
> 
> At least I’d like our society to recognize the destruction it causes and the importance of family. Family is yet another weakening structure in our society. But I hope you’re right, I just don’t see the light like you do. It’s depressing.


I think this is the same kind of thing as how the chronic abuse of women by men in power is starting to not be tolerated. The Me Too movement as an idea is tremendous, and a great thing for society. Now has there been some overkill and craziness in that, sure and I am troubled by the excesses, but it's not unlike any other culture sea change. Overall society seems to be trying to place some priority about treating others with dignity, even if you don't agree with the execution it's hard to disagree with the motive behind it. You can't do that and not eventually get to infidelity. Infidelity is life changing for everyone involved, does horrible long term damage to everyone involved. This stuff can no longer be hidden. Just like "boys will be boys" no longer stand up. 

When I read how mostly young people post on Reddit when this subject comes up. Most of them see it the way the majority on this board do. That this is out in the open and it's a good thing.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I stopped reading after this. 

I wasn't addressing you, and I don't know your history, and this isn't your thread.



No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Interesting take on my actions.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Hello. Hmm. Malicious? Self-righteous? Really? Interesting take on my actions. What does my actions have to do with reconciliation?
> 
> First of all, I am a pretty mild-mannered fellow, except when faced with what I was faced with five years ago. I joined this thread for help as I could feel my marriage slipping away. I had no thoughts that my wife would ever step out on me. We had been married at the time 29 years, our two children had graduated from college and were thriving, we had been blessed financially. From the outside looking in, you would think all was well.
> 
> ...


Dang I wish I had that thread! This is a great story.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Sorry did not mean to thread jack.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Sorry did not mean to thread jack.


You didn't. I don't think she connected the dots.

I was absolutely using your example.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

minimalME said:


> I stopped reading after this.
> 
> I wasn't addressing you, and I don't know your history, and this isn't your thread.


He was the example I was talking about. I basically invited him to share by "mentioning" him.

It was a real life example of taking decisive action to destroy an affair.

Harley's be a cuckhold advice is just a loser method.
I'm not claiming you support it btw.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> Dang I wish I had that thread! This is a great story.


He wrapped it up pretty nicely.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> He was the example I was talking about. I basically invited him to share by "mentioning" him.
> 
> It was a real life example of taking decisive action to destroy an affair.
> 
> ...


Some stay together but don’t reconcile.

True reconciliations are rare. From what I’ve seen you have no chance without the affair being totally destroyed.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

100% spot on sir.


Marc878 said:


> Some stay together but don’t reconcile.
> 
> True reconciliations are rare. From what I’ve seen you have no chance without the affair being totally destroyed.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> He was the example I was talking about. I basically invited him to share by "mentioning" him.
> 
> It was a real life example of taking decisive action to destroy an affair.
> 
> ...


Harley is 100% wrong. I read his BS. He should be selling **** sandwiches to alll BSs


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Sorry did not mean to thread jack.


I never get tired of hearing your story. It's a great example for others of how to end the affair.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Diceplayer said:


> I never get tired of hearing your story. It's a great example for others of how to end the affair.


Well I am going to be honest, without the people of TAM, the seasoned veterans on here, I would not likely have been successful. I am just glad that is in the past and I try to look forward not back. Not a damn thing I can do about the past.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Well I am going to be honest, without the people of TAM, the seasoned veterans on here, I would not likely have been successful. I am just glad that is in the past and I try to look forward not back. Not a damn thing I can do about the past.


I sure wish I’d have come here when I suspected instead of when I had the verification, twice. But as you said, not a damn thing to do about the past. 

I appreciate you shared though, I’m glad reconciliation works out for those few such as you. 

Would you all say that reconciling with a cheating man works much the same? I see it over and over as advice for a man who is a BS, but what about a woman? Does the show of strength work in the same way?

(No I’m not asking so that I may try to somehow reconcile, I’m just curious.)


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

That I cannot answer being a man. However, I am glad I gave my wife a second chance. She has made the most of it and like I said, our relationship is SOLID now. Reconciliation is not for everyone as sometimes there are things so egregious that divorce may be the only solutions. Both of us had issues we were dealing with, but it does not excuse her cheating. We have worked through with the help of two fine MC’s and we use the Gottman Cards. Dr. Gottman is who both our MC’s studied under. He is a genius. Worth a visit to his site.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> I sure wish I’d have come here when I suspected instead of when I had the verification, twice. But as you said, not a damn thing to do about the past.
> 
> I appreciate you shared though, I’m glad reconciliation works out for those few such as you.
> 
> ...


I have observed that decisive actions bring better results regardless of who chooses to enact them.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sorry but contact is a choice. He knew what he was doing.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Trident said:


> _I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
> I slashed a hole in all four tires
> Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats_


That song is very similar to a situation Close to me a few years ago. A wife of a doctor caught him cheating with his nurse, and beat the **** out of his new Corvette.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I think the moral of the story here is beware of snake oil salespeople. About all you accomplish is putting their kids through college. 😏


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