# Where have all the decent men gone?



## Never2BLoved (May 13, 2010)

I am flabbergasted at the dating scene these days....25 year-old men trying to pick up 40 year-old women and won't even buy them a drink....yeah, I'm going to jump in your bed....NOT.

Or the other one, call him "Chasing Charlie"....you tell him you aren't interested in a relationship but suddenly he wants you to hang out with him and his friends. 

What is a 40 year-old woman to do anymore these days? :scratchhead:


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Yep, the dating scene has changed for us in our forties! But the good thing is we are smart enough now to weed the idiots out 
I posted a profile awhile ago and had to hide it soon after, you would not believe the women that sent me naked pics! 
I think I will stay single If I have to deal with some of this crap!


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

OMG sirch you really made me laugh with your post. No not all of us are like that. Looks like I will be divorced single mother(H having affair does not want to work on marriage) soon and I was just reading how men are scared of dating women with kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Cuts both ways. Those Live life with passion, Carpe Diem, Outdoorsy, Adventurous type of women that the 40-something dad is interested in don't want men with kids either. Apparently they have chosen having little dogs that fit in back-packs instead.

I think on both sides of the coin, people believe that dating someone with children builds in a number of restrictions or roadblocks right out of the gate.

Sirch ... obviously I didn't write the correct profile. I never even got a pic showing a little cleavage.


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Dating with children can be difficult, but it is doable. I prefer to keep my personal life away from my kid, if a women does not understand that then she can take a walk!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

It's no better or worse in your 50s!

For the "Carpe Diem" types of both sexes, kids get in the way--and for those of us with them, we don't care. Those who have chosen a child-free lifestyle or have raised their kids think they will find the perfect mate w/o kids. I hope they do! Good for them. Realistically, however, that eliminates a LOT of people and narrows their dating pool. Lifestyle over substance, so to speak--maybe it will work, maybe not. I would not rule out a man b/c of kids even if I was childless, b/c lifestyle is adaptable, substance is not. 

Many, if not most, people in their 50s have no kids under 18. I still have an 8 year old, so I'm "out of step" with my peers. That's ok by me. Yes, I may never have sex with a man again (*gasp*) but I'm having a lot of fun otherwise. 

Of course, I don't get the whole "I won't even date someone with kids!" thing b/c dating is just. . . dating. You can have your dates who like movies, or symphonies, or camping--they don't have to be the same person. Unless, of course, you expect to have sex with everyone you date--which is probably what is behind this, b/c most people choose to be exclusive once sexually involved. Yet, can't you still do the other things with friends? I guess a lot more people than I ever realized expect their significant other to do everything with them. Yet we all know that no one person can meet all our needs! 

Thanks, I'll put my little soap box back in the corner now


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

All of my dates, were with mom's. Interestingly in my case, the women I dated weren't interested in men that _didn't_ have children.
A wonderful woman that I was involved with wanted to know how I related to my kids, and what my relationship with my mother was like.

Of the never married, no kids crowd of women - they either wanted to start their own families, which I can respect - but am not interested in, or wanted nothing to do with kids whatsoever.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Remember. . .we are dealing with women here and to a certain extent. . .like women deal with "little boys" in their men who never grow up, you have to deal with "little girls" in women who never grow up.

Of course you will find 40 year old women out there with kids who want a man without kids. While we find that incredible to contemplate, raising another man's kids, there *is *that thought process out there.

These are the same women out there who think a wealthy man with a gold crown is going to ride into town on his white steed and wisk her off to live in a castle complete with a sorcerer and dancing court jesters to entertain her.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I fully understand everyone's frustration! Been there done that and have seen it all! I've decided I'll just stick to my horses and give others advice. lol Besides I can't even seem to get a divorce--one delay after another.

Just for the record, I don't have a problem with men with children. I would think much less of them if they "dumped" their kids to take up dating. My problem is that I just can't find a nice clean cut guy who is an equal. Perhaps most of us are a lot more selective the second time around.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

What do you mean by "equal"? Your equal physically, intellectually, socially, emotionally?

Just curious.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

SG, I hear you about the women who never grow up (and the men)--they give us all a bad name! 

All of us have to be willing to be alone or we just condemn ourselves to repeating mistakes! I remember telling people that there is no "good time" to have a baby, but there are plenty of bad times. The secret is to hold out 'til you just cannot stand it anymore, b/c then it will be worth all the sacrifice. Having a baby for any reason other than madly wanting a new child in your life is just a mistake. Likewise, I am advocating the "wait until you find someone so amazing you just HAVE to make room in your wonderful, busy life for them." Anyone else just is not going to be worth it. Of course, if you have built up your life on shallow "just until I meet 'the one' kinds of things--friends and activities you are not passionate about, who are just "place holders" until "the one" comes along--then this doesn't work. Follow your passions in life so that someone has to be really darn special to distract you from them--that's how you will know this person is worth the time.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Scannerguard said:


> What do you mean by "equal"? Your equal physically, intellectually, socially, emotionally?
> 
> Just curious.


All of the above or at least in the ball park! And while you are listing categories add a few more. I'm looking for a match this time. I don't think I'm a lone here.


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## CrushedInNY (May 24, 2009)

Well, being a 44 year old man, who has been alone for 13 months now, I'm baffled by this whole online dating thing.
I've been trying for over 6 months, and I've e-mailed tons of women on match.com and plentyoffish.com . My profile states I'm not looking for a quickie hook up or one night stand. I have a job, I have a 2 year old car, I've never hit or cheated on any woman in my life. I'm very loyal, I would have been with my ex wife until death do us part, but she's the one who had a mental snap and ran off without warning to go be with her first 12 year old BF again after finding him online 25 years later. 
So, I don't get it.....I consider myself to be a decent man, but I've only had one date in all these months (and no, I didn't talk about my ex on my date, I'm not that clueless).


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Did someone here already mention meetup.com? It lets you have an active social life w/o all the issues of dating. I have more stuff to choose from than i could ever do, and of course 9 times out of 10 I blow off my "plans," anyway, 'cause clearly I'm not lonely enough or desperate. BUT I've met some fun folks and will go back when I feel the need. The beauty of the groups on meetup are, no commitment! Give it a try and it will be worth a bit of a drive if you find a good group.


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## pioneer (May 28, 2010)

If my marriage doesn't work out, this dating scene absolutely scares the daylights out of me!

I never thought that I would ever have to possibly think about dating other women again.

What do people do on dates these days? 

I'm 42. I don't go to bars or nightclubs.... ever.

Is dinner and a movie still in vouge?


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I'm doing dinner and a walk on the beach tonight, if there is time for the walk and she's game.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Heck, I'm game if she ain't. What beach, and what time?


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Scannerguard, looks like you have them lining up for ya!! 

Ok, let me know what ya'll think......I have reconnected with an old flame I dated after high school. For the past seven months we have been talking, emailing and skyping each other. Last week we finally met and actually saw each other for the first time in twenty years!
Being that we live 1500 miles apart we met in Dallas, and had a great time! We walked and held hands, long talks over dinner and a few kisses! Overall very romantic for both of us. The whole time we spent together was just very..easy..I guess would be the way to describe it.
Our problem is the distance, due to work and family obligations neither one of us can make a move. So do I just keep this going for a while and hope for the best?


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Heck by the sounds of it we have enough candidates to start a dating website here 

Just look at the amount of betrayed spouses!

I have no idea what dating would look like after divorce. Right now is the last thing on my mind but it is interesting to hear what people go through. Other than meetup.com there is also a group called Parents without partners. They have it in several cities in N.A. I plan to join the one in my town. It offers activities for kids and sometimes get togethers for the adults. It is not a dating site but you can meet single parents that may be in a similar situation as yours. I think it cost like 50 dollars per year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## a seperated guy (Jun 23, 2010)

Never2BLoved
Unfortunately the word cougar get’s too much air time with guys in their 20’s, there up for the sex but the commitment and intellect is where they fall short. Additional some women who are unsure about themselves thrive on the attention of a 20-something guy who works out all day and works at the farmers market (LOL). As a guy, I can tell you location, location, location is important to where you will meet a quality man in an age range that makes sense for you. Don’t give up, take care of yourself physically and you may just meet mr right on a walk in the park.


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## BrooksPublicationCom (Jun 29, 2010)

Hi,

Not only are there decent men out there but 
there are great men right there in your city,
town,and country.

We are working on our dreams,trying to make
a difference in this world,enjoying our families, 
pursuing our interest and living our lives to
the fullest.

Are you looking for someone to marry or to
simply date?

What EXACTLY do you want in a man? What inner 
qualities must he ABSOLUTELY have? NOT what
inner qualities you hope he will have in the 
future but what inner qualities you want him
to have right now.

I mentioned inner qualities first because no 
matter how good looking a person is on the outside
or how rich they are if their inner being is not
attractive,then the relationship will ultimately
be empty and it will not last.

Once you get your description of the man you
want, you have to realize that he does exists.

While you are waiting to meet the man you want,
spend your time working on pursuing your interest
and dreams.You will meet him when you least expect.

Just like a women wants a great man,a man wants a 
great woman.

Time is very very valuable.Time is short.Once it's 
gone,you can not get it back.Why not spend it pursuing
your dreams and interest and that someone who matches
what you are looking for will show up.

The Very Best To You,
Brooks


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm not certain I continue to qualify as decent, but past experience has shown that reasonably sane guys with a decent job who are not ugly enough to break camera lenses have a half life as unattached males measured in weeks. This is especially true if they show signs that they can be easily domesticated.

When I was 34 years old, I didn't even get in the front door of the Tuesday night singles meeting before I was kidnapped by an attractive young woman. This was my first attempt to meet women since I had moved into an apartment 4 1/2 months earlier. I haven't been single since.

I have seen my female co-workers fighting in the parking lot and in the coffee area over Single/Divorced/Separated male coworkers, these fellows didn't know that they had no decision making power whatsoever.

FYI at the time I was working in a company that had several hundred employees, many single or divorced moms with kids working in customer support of a high tech product, the guys were reasonably well paid engineers or technicians. The competition among women was intense and very obvious.

I do know that as a 61 year old male were I dating I'd theoretically be happy to date women between 40 and 60, but I think many of my male friends would be looking at the younger half of this group or even younger women. Personally I find younger women lovely to look at and theoretically to play with, but ....

Mark
still kidnapped, still getting hit on (a wonderful boost to my ego)


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## Muse (Aug 10, 2010)

Same here.....we are on the verge of divorce and the prospect of having to date is ......well, scary! Especially since I've never dated before in my life. Met my husband at 15 years old....never been with anyone else. OMG. 

I too will be one of those cliche' 40 year old mom with 2 kids entering the dating scene. I'm sure of it. I'm 38 now....but by the time I actually get around to dating, I'll be "over the hill". 

I can't imagine anyone NOT dating someone just because they have kids. That just seems so shallow to me. Your not marrying the kids, your marrying the woman/man. Kids grow up and move away....they won't be living with you forever (hopefully). So what's the big deal? Not to mention.....most 40'somethings usually have a few kids by that time. Those that don't have kids, then they are not the perfect match for you to date in my opinion. And, while I haven't ever been on the dating scene......I sincerely do not think you will find your "soul mate" at a bar. Just seems too desperate.


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