# Husband won't initiate sex



## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Married 32 years. 4 kids semi empty nesters.
In the past few years it seems I am the only one initiating sex. It didn't seem to bother me at first but now it is.
Sometimes when I initiate he refuses for common reasons, other times he is willing The thing I find very strange is, sometimes he is laying beside me with a HO but won't touch me to start anything. It happens a lot but because I am always the initiator I am starting to feel somewhat resentful. I feel like he is laying there waiting for me to service him. If I don't reach out to him, he'll just get up and get dressed rather than be the one to make the first move. He gets ( or did until I stopped) oral sex frequently because he loves it. I ll randomly spring a BJ on him while he is at the computer just to keep things interesting....lucky him
He however knows that I love oral sex too and has reciprocated maybe 4 times in the last few years. He always asks for oral for a "treat" but when I say where is my "treat" he refuses....There are no hygiene issues,nothing that should deter him. Sometimes when I ask he wants to 69 because he says he has to get something out of it if he is going down on me. Foreplay is practically non existent. I get that Men's testosterone drops as they get older but to me there can't be much wrong in that dept if he can lay beside me with a HO but not touch me. I have refused him oral sex until he reciprocates once in a while without me having to beg. I do not initiate sex as much anymore because it makes me feel very undesirable to always be the one to initiate.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Have you gained weight by any chance in recent years ?


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Most men doesnt like fat women. Have you ever discussed about this issue with him ? Am sure you might have, but just would like to know his answer.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

IndianApple said:


> Have you gained weight by any chance in recent years ?


Ya, cuz that's definitely the first thing to think of here *rolleyes*

What do you think the problem is? Has he had his T levels checked? Has HE gained weight or have any health issues?


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Try to figure out whether he neglect erotic scenes when he watch on television. If he does then he needs to check his T levels. 


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

cma62 said:


> In the past few years it seems I am the only one initiating sex. It didn't seem to bother me at first but now it is.


I know the feeling, from the male perspective. I have gotten very tired of being the only one who initiates as well. And when my wife is willing, it is typically no foreplay, just insert, come, and go. It has become very frustrating to say the least. With all the rejections I have been getting lately, I have temporarily just quit to save the beating on my ego. 

My only suggestion is to try and bring it up in a non-accusatory way and see if you can open a discussion on the issue. Emphasize how it makes you feel unloved and unattractive when he doesn't pursue you at all.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Seems like your husband is a very selfish lover, OP. I wonder if this happened gradually over a long marriage, or if he has always been like this. Please expand.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Thank you everybody for your insight and suggestions.
No I have not gained any weight, no health issues whatsoever....although that does seem like a shallow reason and I beg to differ...some men actually do like women with some meat on their bones.
He hasn't gained weight....he has not had his T levels checked though , that might explain his lack of initiation but not the fact he gets a HO and just lays there waiting for me to make the first move. 
Were there times when I would refuse sex through the years....absolutely.....raising 4 kids with him working constant nights was no walk in the park. There were some nights he would get home from work at 5 am and wake me from a deep sleep for sex and of course I would refuse, sometimes I would not depending how many times I had been up in the night with the babies. He would get very upset if I refused and I would get cold shouldered for the next couple of days. But that was a long time ago. I have been receptive to his initiation or have mostly initiated lately myself. We have had problems in the past with control issues( his) , financial( him opening a secret bank account ) and lending a large sum of money to a family member without discussing it with me first. There has been an ongoing case of verbal indiscretion( hate the word abuse) on his part all through our marriage. We have had a better marriage the last 5 years ....but his lack of initiation was always there. I think I kept being the initiator just to keep the peace. He would get upset if I didn't initiate but would not initiate himself...go figure.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

There are still issues of control and disrespect happening to this day.

He has a habit that I try to tolerate but am finding it hard. He bites the skin around his fingernails and then drops it on the floor beside the couch where he is sitting. It is a disgusting habit that I have "nagged" about for years. His answer is ... it's my house too I ll do what I want. Well..ok then....he would not talk to me for a day or so and told me to get off his back. So I tried a different approach....since obviously I wasn't getting through to him. I put a small decorative box on the table beside him to put his "bits" in with a lid that could be covered up so we all didn't have to see the mess. He uses it sometimes but not all ... now he has taken to putting the "bits" behind the couch now. It is a very bad habit ...and habits are hard to break, that's why I thought the box was a compromise even though I can't stand the disgusting habit. I hate bringing it up now as it causes a fight and he won't speak for a while...which is fine ...kinda at my whits end trying to figure out how to curb this. If I had a disgusting habit like that that I knew bothered him as much as his bothers me I would try my hardest to break the habit...but he is sounding kind of childish and entitled.... because it's "his" house too. I am embarrassed to even talk about it....but at least nobody knows or sees me here....LOL
Another bad habit is he belittles me by calling me a baby or don't be a child by telling me to grow up if I say something that he is not in aggreance with.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Before his lack of initiative started, how much of an "active participant" were you during sex? I have the same problem in my marriage right now only it's her who won't initiate. Before all this started I will admit I was like your husband. The reason was because she never made me feel like she was enjoying it all that much. She would do pretty much anything I asked but never really seemed into it let's say. I was never looking for or expecting porn sex but there was just always something about it that made it seem kind of mechanical, so gradually I kind of lost interest and stopped initiating. I know that was a stupid thing to do but it felt like she wasn't into it or me.

Since then now she has stopped initiating and I've started again. I'm sure her not initiating is do to me seeming to lose interest in her which also has led to other problems but it is slowly getting better.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Many nail biters can't stop, so they get defensive about it. Have you looked into ways to help him stop? Like those nail polishes that are supposed to taste bad or something? I think you'd get farther with him if you HELPED him instead of TELLING him to just stop.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

I was a very "active participant ".... no " dead fish " behaviour here. As mentioned before....when our kids were small there were ups and downs in our sex life from both of us. That was a long time ago. Things have never been " fantastic" but still good.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

cma62 said:


> I ll randomly spring a BJ on him while he is at the computer just to keep things interesting....lucky him


After 32 years?!? :surprise: You're husband would never be able to replace you. Yes, stop giving him BJ's as long as he refused to reciprocate. By the way, erections in the morning "morning wood" sometimes is not because of arousal.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Hope.... he refuses to use anything ... kind of hates anything medicinal. Won't take anything for a headache etc. Yes I agree it is a habit that is hard to stop ....offering the box to keep it off the floor and furniture was me meeting him half way....but he always has the comeback that he should be able to do what he wants in his own home...


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Steve..... i am pretty sure these were....I am horny....I want sex erections because he does this annoying stretch and yawn everytime he want sex.....but still won't initiate. I am thinking it might be a control thing. No reciprocation of oral sex, no initiation.....but wants me to do it all.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

But intentionally making a mess is intentionally disrespectful. And pretty revolting. Darn it.

As for the initiation part, my wife and I are pretty old fashioned. I always initiate sex. Mary doesn't. It's not an issue for us. 

I have always had one requirement. My girl had to have an orgasm at some point during the evening. My wife's orgasms keep me coming back for more. It's hard for me to keep my mind on work thinking about what I am going to do to my wife as soon as I get in the door, after the fun we had the night before. 

Sadly, many men seem to prefer the chase, and not the fun at the end of the chase.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

cma62 said:


> I am thinking it might be a control thing. No reciprocation of oral sex, no initiation.....but wants me to do it all.


I've never found that sex with my wife was about control. Sex is, in part, about a man feeling wanted. 

If my wife reliably initiated, I might wait for that signal even when I want sex because I would benefit from her showing me desire.

Likewise, could your husband be valuing your desire, demonstrated by initiation?


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Anonymous...I agree with the fact that he likes the initiation on my part to feel desired.......well we all want to feel desired by our spouses and I think 3 years is a long time to have been the only one making an effort.....which makes me fell very undesirable.....but he's happy. Not really equal effort.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

It may be complacency and bad habits that some people get into when they have been married a long time. My husband has definitely been guilty of that. I am not happy with being the 100% initiator either. 

I would stop with the BJs until you can really see him responding to your communication. In short, you may be like me and a 'bit easy' and your husband has taken you for granted, he might need to be gently reminded from time to time that he needs to woo you and earn his BJs. A bit of suggestive teasing then 'forget' to initiate :wink2:.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I really don't know where to go with this. First I think you are lucky to have a fit Husband who can get an erection. Another thought is that since he doesn't work nights now and he used to. he may have got very comfortable with sleeping alone and is at a bit of a loss with the change. Another idea is it seems by your description that he is getting lazy. (on the other hand most Nags, that I know, think everyone else is lazy). Cutting off treats and initiation will not likely soon lead to more sex, but it might eventually lead to improved passion. You need to also fill your time with things that are important to you. go places without him etc. it works for men in your situation.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

cma62 said:


> ....but he always has the comeback that he should be able to do what he wants in his own home...


But it's not his own home. He shares it with somebody.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

From the few details you have written, his behavior may be his way of punishing you in a passive-aggressive manner. He may be harboring resentment towards you for something. And yes, that would be childish behavior on his part.

Can you remember a point in time where this behavior began and tell us what was happening in your lives at that time? It is a psychological fact that men who tend towards passive-aggression do punish their partners via sex … by not initiating, by being passive during the sex act or withholding sex altogether.

You know him best ... could this be a possibility?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

cma62 said:


> Steve..... i am pretty sure these were....I am horny....I want sex erections because he does this annoying stretch and yawn everytime he want sex.....but still won't initiate. I am thinking it *might be a control thing.* No reciprocation of oral sex, no initiation.....but wants me to do it all.


Control things....yes, that is a good an answer as any.

He sounds passive. His big head rules the little one..........FOR SURE!

He also sounds resentful. He is punishing you. 

He is cutting his own penis off to spite his full sack. Dumb azz.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

It's not you it's him, I don't understand how something so special can become mundane to some. My wife is the same way so I truly feel your pain. BTW we too are empty nesters. 

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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Red Sonja.... it probably started 4 years ago...he retired and didn't like that I was working ....he wanted me to retire too. He was very mean and emotionally disrespectful towards me as he wanted me home because he was. But because money makes his world go around, when I got a fantastic paying job that year ,he abandoned the fact that he wanted me home. Since I retired in 2015 things have been better but not in the intimacy dept. He was still letting me initiate and still wanted oral sex when he wanted with no reciprocation even though he knows I love it....was I clear on that issue....absolutely. I asked him at least once a week for a long time for oral sex and he still would not relent. When he wasn't getting his "treat" he would get very snarky and would pick on things I said and make fun of me. I walked on egg shells a lot. When we were in bed I would very nicely let him know what turns me on or what felt good. He would reply " don't tell me what to do"
He had a very controlling Mother growing up and I learned early on in the marriage from him that " no woman is going to tell me what to do"
Not that I was...he was just letting me know I d better not. Even when we are watching tv and there will be a married couple scenario and they would be disagreeing about something....he would always comment....wow what a [email protected]@@@ch, I wouldn't put up with that he would say. I think he has a thing about woman telling him anything because I can't even mention anything with out him accusing me of being on his back and telling him what to do. Too many examples to list here ...but I think you can get the jist of things. We have our good times but there always seems to be this underlying attitude from him that he will never tolerate any woman telling him anything....I just stopped saying anything....since it just started him yelling and getting mad. So there are some underlying issues here that might be making him resentful and passive aggressive...a few times when I was giving him a bj...I looked up and he was playing a game on his phone. You better believe I told him how I felt about that....he definitely got that message.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I guess the people suggesting he is acting out toward you got it right. Sorry about that.

Ouch.

And you sound like a lot of fun. Wow.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

cma62 said:


> We have had a better marriage the last 5 years ....but his lack of initiation was always there. I think I kept being the initiator just to keep the peace.


OK, if you have been married 32 years and your husband has always enjoyed you initiating sex, changing that now will be difficult. 

If he lays next to you with a HO and waits for you to make the move, or else he will just get up and get dresses, let us stop for a moment and discuss. If I were to get naked and lay next to my wife with an obvious erection, she would likely accuse me of being way too forwards about my desire for sex and request that I not initiate sex so overtly. Seriously, for a man to get naked and get next to you with an erection is a very obvious initiation if you ask me.

Anyway, it sounds as if you are more upset about the fact that he makes you do all the work, and he is very reluctant to reciprocate. 

Here is my advice. You should also get naked next to him and make it obvious that you are receptive for sex. Tease him verbally and perhaps just touch him very gently to let him know that you are enjoying the fact that he is aroused. Continue teasing him until he feels compelled to act on his increasing levels of arousal and that he can no longer resist you. The whole point is to let him know that you are enjoying him being aroused. 

It could be possible that your husband simply wants to enjoy you teasing him a little more before he becomes compelled to act on his arousal. Just because he has an erection does not mean he is ready to go. Perhaps he may enjoy up to an hour of the two of you gently teasing one another and enjoying electrified foreplay. 

Perhaps everything you want is there, you just have to change your stance a little. If you want him to reciprocate, be sure and ask him to do that BEFORE you please him sexually. Once a man has an orgasm, hormones are released that will make him withdraw sexually and perhaps fall asleep. 

Hope that helps, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> It may be complacency and bad habits that some people get into when they have been married a long time. My husband has definitely been guilty of that. I am not happy with being the 100% initiator either.
> 
> I would stop with the BJs until you can really see him responding to your communication. *In short, you may be like me and a 'bit easy' *and your husband has taken you for granted, he might need to be gently reminded from time to time that he needs to woo you and earn his BJs. A bit of suggestive teasing then 'forget' to initiate :wink2:.


Sometimes being too eager to please as @peacem suggests can have an impact on your partner's behavior. For me the roles are reversed and my wife is the one that is a genius at playing hard to get, but she does so in a rather nurturing way (most of the time). 

Learn to tease a little and play hard to get, but be careful to make sure your husband is "enjoying" this form of frustration and not just getting frustrated. 

Badsanta


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

William ...was your last remark sarcasm or genuine...couldn't quite figure that one out...lol


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Badsanta....you made some great observations and gave me some different viewpoints on the situation.
For him it's the destination not the journey...rarely any foreplay....for him yes....most of the time......me no. It's like it's too much trouble and effort. Good job I can get aroused all by myself or it wouldn't happen if left up to him. I would love a round or two of electrified foreplay...that would be awesome...but as I said it's like..." ok ..is she wet... perfect, less for me to do and then we get right down to business. No playing, no fun beforehand. I will try some of what you suggest....I ll go in with an open mind...lol
And while we are on this subject....my husband has never liked kissing me during sex...I have tried but it lasts for a few seconds then moves his head....to me sex lacks passion if there is no kissing involved.....it would be great to throw it in the foreplay mix. Obviously certain positions are not conducive to kissing during sex...I get that...but I feel I am missing something here.
I haven't been the only one initiating for 32 years...I m not a saint..lol his complacency has just been the last 4 or 5 years.
Thanks for the tantalizing suggestions....I will give them a try.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Wow, sounds like he can be an ass when he wants to.

You need to start calmly standing up for yourself and calmly stating your preferences. If he gets nasty when you do this then disengage from the conversation and go do something you like to do.

You can use phrases such as:

"I will discuss this with you later, when you have calmed down" and walk away from him.
"I will not be yelled at/called names/disrespected" and walk away from him.

When you state your preferences about sex and he says "don't tell me what to do" calmly say " I am telling you what turns me on".

As for his "habits", I would let those go and focus on becoming re-connected sexually ... he may be more accommodating about his habits that bother you then.

If it was me I would tell him, outside of the bedroom, that your desire is for a mutually satisfying sexual relationship that includes kissing, foreplay, reciprocal oral (whatever you desire from him) and that until he is ready to participate in such a relationship sex is off the table. And then, I would 180 his ass.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Red Sonja said:


> When you state your preferences about sex and he says "don't tell me what to do" calmly say " I am telling you what turns me on".


As a man, I say "well said!"
I can't imagine a man who cares, even the tiniest bit, not responding to this. It perfectly sets aside the issue of "being told what to do," avoids crushing the fragile male ego by not saying he's not doing it right, and puts the focus _exactly_ where it needs to be. 

Any failure to respond to this is final proof that he doesn't give a $*!*. This, of course is not desirable knowledge, but it's always best to know exactly where you stand so you can plan your next action based on fact and rational thought rather than misplaced hope.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Thanks for all the support. I am a big believer in " where there is a will there is a way"
If I knew that something I was doing or not doing was causing him grief I would try my utmost to make it right.....any less effort would show I didn't give a [email protected]@t.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP, I don't see anything that you have posted that suggests that this is in any way your fault. In fact you seem to be going way out of your way for him, and not getting the same in return.

I may have missed it but does he have any medical issues, new drugs, anything physical that could be causing this?

Does he watch a lot of porn? 


It sounds like he is just selfish. Expects you to do all the work, and won't do things in return. That would be very sad, and very difficult to fix. Is there anything that isn't consistent with this theory?


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

untried....I think you have summed up the situation quite accurately.
No drugs, no medical issues, nothing physical.
Although I do think he is passive aggressive in a lot of his actions.
Quite often I feel like my relationship is a Father/Daughter....as he is very opinionated and talks down to me a lot.
As for porn... I have been questioning that in my mind....it is possible. If I asked him he would say no and he has a password on his lap top.
I would hope not as I know how detrimental it can be to replace porn with the real thing...
Selfish would definitely describe his actions.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Sorry uhtred ....auto correct...I didn't catch before I posted


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

cma62 said:


> As for porn... I have been questioning that in my mind....it is possible. If I asked him he would say no and he has a password on his lap top.


Assume he does watch porn and mess with his head!

Tell him you watch it and have been desperate to try some of the things you have seen other people do in porn, but say you are too shy to talk about it. Allow him to start guessing, and once he guesses something you think you might like, say, "yes THAT!" It will be his idea, but you can just go with it!

If he does not guess anything he will become curious about what you watch, and since you likely don't watch anything, he will have no way to snoop on you! If he demands you show him, ask to see what he watches first and then be super critical about it by saying it is way too tame and softcore. Then ask him to watch 50 Shades with you.

Regards,
Badsanta


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Oh ...but I am a watcher. I like your ideas for loosening up a tight nut...no pun intended.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

cma62 said:


> William ...was your last remark sarcasm or genuine...couldn't quite figure that one out...lol


Genuine. I feel sorry for you.

Your husband is acting all kind of mean, in my opinion. Definitely being very angry about something, and just punishing you over and over and over. Bad.

Probably got his ego hurt because you made more money than him, and while he wanted you to retire. You dared to make good money, and you dared to be disobedient. To some men, your husband for instance, that will make their poor little tiny egos all bruised and sore.

I feel sorry for you.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Well, I felt sorry for you from your first post. After all, most people who start posts are having problems.

The fact your husband is punishing you is apparent after the other people's questions and your follow up posts. That makes me especially sorry for you. Some things just bug me more than other things. That bugs me. You deserve to be treated so much better. So much better.

Please be well, somehow.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

IndianApple said:


> Have you gained weight by any chance in recent years ?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I guess if they are married for 30 years neither of them look like or weigh the same as they did when they first got married. Duh! 
I am sure he is balding with a belly, but he still gets blow jobs. Your comment is so unhelpful and shallow.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

cma62 said:


> Thank you everybody for your insight and suggestions.
> No I have not gained any weight, no health issues whatsoever....although that does seem like a shallow reason and I beg to differ...some men actually do like women with some meat on their bones.
> He hasn't gained weight....he has not had his T levels checked though , that might explain his lack of initiation but not the fact he gets a HO and just lays there waiting for me to make the first move.
> Were there times when I would refuse sex through the years....absolutely.....raising 4 kids with him working constant nights was no walk in the park. T*here were some nights he would get home from work at 5 am and wake me from a deep sleep for sex and of course I would refuse, sometimes I would not depending how many times I had been up in the night with the babies*. He would get very upset if I refused and I would get cold shouldered for the next couple of days. But that was a long time ago. I have been receptive to his initiation or have mostly initiated lately myself. We have had problems in the past with control issues( his) , financial( him opening a secret bank account ) and lending a large sum of money to a family member without discussing it with me first. There has been an ongoing case of verbal indiscretion( hate the word abuse) on his part all through our marriage. We have had a better marriage the last 5 years ....*but his lack of initiation was always there*. I think I kept being the initiator just to keep the peace. He would get upset if I didn't initiate but would not initiate himself...go figure.


He sounds very very selfish and hence the problem. You should give him the cold shoulder and stop pandering to his ego.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

What @aine said ^

He's being an *******, and you're allowing him to be an *******.

He has no impetus to change, because he pretty much gets what he wants.

From some of the things you've said, he clearly has no respect for women, therefore he has no respect for you. In his eyes, _you're_ supposed to come to _him_ - and you often do.

And I'm afraid it's probably so ingrained in him that if you were to change your tact with him, he'd just punish you further.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

cma62 said:


> we all want to feel desired by our spouses and I think 3 years is a long time to have been the only one making an effort.....which makes me fell very undesirable...


You need to tell him how you feel, not once, not twice, but as many times as is needed for him to really understand. Reiterate yourself.

I realize this recommendation is basic and echoes what many others have already told you on this thread, but I cannot help but feel that your situation could be greatly improved by better communication.

Instead of telling your husband how you feel, what about asking how he supposes you feel, over him never initiating? You could pose that question, and then "leave him hanging" when it comes to him getting his needs met. Just walk away; let him reflect.

For him, the combination of your question and you refusing to "service" him might be food for thought. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Do this several times to him over several weeks, and I'd be surprised if you didn't see a positive change.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

cma62 said:


> Oh ...but I am a watcher. I like your ideas for loosening up a tight nut...no pun intended.


Well then, I'm sure you can find something to show him that might freak him out a little. Like a video in which the guy takes ALL the initiative solely for the purpose of pleasing his partner!

I'm imagining NURU massage, but a scene where the woman just lays back and does nothing while a guy does all the work rubbing oils everywhere. Then the next time you husband lies next to you with a HO, you simply hand him a jar of coconut oil, you get naked, lay on your stomach , and start moaning with anticipation while you grin at him.

Badsanta


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

I am getting some food for thought for sure. 
Thanks...this site helped put things into perspective a few years ago and is certainly doing the same now so thank you all for taking the time to steer me .....in a few different directions. I definitely see a common denominator in the problems we had a few years ago to what I am experiencing now. I hope I can use my experiences and positive rectifications to help others here.
And my favourite quote which has me questioning all this" where there's a will, there's a way"


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

cma62 said:


> I am getting some food for thought for sure.
> Thanks...this site helped put things into perspective a few years ago and is certainly doing the same now so thank you all for taking the time to steer me .....in a few different directions. I definitely see a common denominator in the problems we had a few years ago to what I am experiencing now. I hope I can use my experiences and positive rectifications to help others here.
> And my favourite quote which has me questioning all this" where there's a will, there's a way"


I'll add to that the notion that it is also important to keep a positive attitude. It can be SO EASY to let negative thoughts and feelings consume your wellbeing. Then it is SO EASY to start projecting those negative thoughts and feelings onto a spouse until it creates a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts and sure enough your partner becomes consumed in negativity. 

But the nice thing about that is that it can all be undone with a little eye contact and a sincere smile! 

Sometimes when my wife and I are upset with one another, I'll look her in the eye and tell her sarcastically that it feels right us to be upset and that she better not distract me from that with her smile! Then she will look at me and can't help but to start giggling.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

badsanta said:


> But the nice thing about that is that it can all be undone with a little eye contact and a sincere smile!
> 
> Sometimes when my wife and I are upset with one another, I'll look her in the eye and tell her sarcastically that it feels right us to be upset and that she better not distract me from that with her smile! Then she will look at me and can't help but to start giggling.


Ahhh, yes. The wife smile. The most disarming, powerful force in the universe. There's nothing like it.


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