# I see no sight in end as far as pain goes



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I woke up today on a down feeling. I got no text messages from my wife today. I've taken care of her mother most of the day between shifts (As I have for the last couple of months) She says thank you but I don't know if she realizes how much she'd be messed up if I weren't around.

I want her to feel as though she NEEDS me...but without compromising her mother's health. I know that she would find a way to make sure her mother is OK during the day but at a cost to both her mental health and her mother's physical health. Things are clean, groceries bought, nothing to be done except come home and say "I need time."

I spend most of my days wishing I could just cry myself to sleep only to find myself pushing through until it's about 9pm and I know my wife is almost home. I still want to ask her "Where have you been? Have you had any contact? How do I know you're telling the truth?" but only feel that may regress anything we might have achieved with me being 'confident'.

Her computer is clean as far as email and facebook stuff is concerned. The only way she'd be contacting anybody about anything is through her telephone and she hasn't forgotten that at home in a while, otherwise I would have gone through it. If I ask to see it, she would gladly show me but as she works for the phone company she knows how to hide email from prying eyes. Trust is still an issue...and I wonder if she's just buying time till she doesn't have to worry about her mother.

Again, I could be wrong and she could be in 'getting things to normal' mode which is a trait of many ladies in this country. My unbiased friend has said the same about his wife saying "When I'm upset we fight, we make love and we go to bed waking up the next feeling good. When she's upset we go to bed angry and we wake up the next day her feeling like nothing happened an me feeling like 'what got solved'." 

I had a couple of drinks to calm the nerves a bit but tomorrow I've got a long day ahead of me with happy people...and I'm not looking forward to it. I still can't eat and still getting very little sleep. I will still put forward a confident attitude but wonder how I can get her to 'need me' and 'want me' without regressing our situation.


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hi there, 
I just wanted to send you a ((hug)) reading through your post I think you need one.....
I don't know your story but it sounds like you are doing and going out of your way to make things easy for your wife, I'm assuming she had an affair and the two of you are trying to recover from that....
It's a long road with a lot of doubt and I think it takes some time before you feel comfortable again....
Your wife sounds like she is open about letting you check up on her.....I know there is always the questions that haunt us but you can't live like that......if it's going to work and she is on board then you have to believe her and work towards a better relationship......that doesn't mean you have to be any kind of doormat......
It starts little by little.......make her fall in love with you all over, be playful and loving.........don't be afraid to tell her what you are feeling.......
Do something for you, exercise, read whatever it is you like to do, a little me time is in order.......


----------



## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

Yeah, the pain...I know how that feels. Sorry you are suffering so much. Try to hang in and communicate with her without getting panicky, if possible. Try hard for that.

best,

Lyn


----------

