# Is my theory correct?



## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

I just have this theory based on life experience about what turns men and women on and am wondering if I'm right or if I'm nuts.

In a nutshell, the theory is the more a penis is used, the more valuable it becomes, and the less a vagina is used, the more valuable it is.

I think women fully understand how men can be so attracted to them and other women, so the fact a man may have been with a lot of women is no concern. Contrary, it means he has a lot of experience and probably knows what he's doing and is good at it. It also means that a highly desirable man now wants her, which makes her feel giddy or something.

It is more difficult for men to see the desirability of other men through women's eyes, so if she's really experienced then it could be a sign that she's flawed or perhaps even worse. A woman being inexperienced is a really good thing (aside from how much sex occurs within the relationship of course). 

I've never heard a woman say she wanted an inexperienced man, and I've never heard a man say he wants an experienced woman. So, would you say this is correct?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I can feel it already -- you're going to be popular here.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

No, and to each their own. My first gf was 6 years older and I am thankful she was a good teacher. Her experience made the sex great. I prefer older women because they tend to be more mature, and better sexually. Also, depends on how you were programmed to believe. There are some who value the chastity of a woman, believing they have more value. I have seen swingers switch totally to monogamy when they are parents. The husband did not mind his wife having more experience than he did.

You are program to have a set of beliefs as children. Some can break that and have a more open mind. Look at people's values and compare them with their parents. Your parents are the main people responsible for your core values. My friend is a 24 year-old virgin, she believes her value stems from her purity. Again, her parents are pretty conservative. Sometimes people break out of that mold when entering the world and you meet others with different values.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

a girlfriend or a brief encounter is one thing, but what if we're talking about someone you're considering spending the rest of your life with? would it bother you at all if she had a lot of experience? 

of course there are going to be exceptions to everything, but generally speaking.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

An "unused" vagina is like a sports car on cement blocks. And if it hasn't been "used" much, it probably won't get used much by you, either.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *GusPolinski said*: * I can feel it already -- you're going to be popular here*.


Yes.......you are going to take a beating here.... I do want to correct you.. there are MANY men today who would prefer experienced women, and would spit on the virgin (many feel she is low drive / prudish/ repressed and would not even consider her)..... 

I have more conservative sexual views.. In my youth I believed in waiting for the man who would marry me...I have been sensitive to every post that speaks like there is something wrong with a woman who waits.. she is not sexual like others, etc...and there are plenty here on TAM that feel this way..



> *Married but Happy said *: *An "unused" vagina is like a sports car on cement blocks. And if it hasn't been "used" much, it probably won't get used much by you, either*.


 See there is it.. it's starting already !



Bruticus said:


> *I've never heard a woman say she wanted an inexperienced man, *and I've never heard a man say he wants an experienced woman. So, would you say this is correct?


You haven't read enough of MY POSTS here Bruticus.. I DID NOT WANT a Playboy in any way, shape or form...the idea of a man who can bed women with little to no emotion and easily walk away is disgusting to me....I do not look upon sex in this way. I hold a romantic view .....explained here ...


> *3. ** Romantic View *~
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I wanted to find "young love" where we both experienced all of our 1st together, I even prayed for it.. and this is how our lives played out.... I love love love love the fact my husband has only been with me....

We even waited till our wedding day for intercourse.. most would feel that is asinine today.. ..and some have had bad experiences doing this..I can't say we have.. I've always felt he was a wonderful lover ... from the very beginning... he had us orgasming at the same time.... We weren't the most adventurous couple by a long shot but what we had was so good, we didn't even talk about sex...all I can say is.. I always felt deeply loved, cared for, it was love making.. we always reveled in the emotional connection..and this was enough...we did get more adventurous in later years.. 

Much of this does come down to sexual views, how we were raised, we will see far less younger people caring about this because of our "hooking up" culture .


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Again, it really depends on culture, and the way you were raised. Here in the U.S., it is more likely, while in the Netherlands, they celebrate sexuality more and are more open minded about it. Look at your parents and their core values. Look at the culture you were raised in. In the U.S. there is still a lot of **** shaming, while in other countries where sexuality is more appreciated, totally different story. The U.S. is still a conservative, moderate country. In some third world countries, a lot of men would have sex with a single female. They believe that the strongest genetics will win. A woman in that tribe could have a dozen men having sex with her, trying to impregante her. The entire village raises the child.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Bruticus said:


> I've never heard a man say he wants an experienced woman. So, would you say this is correct?


Then you've had limited exposure to men's opinions.

I've been with two virgins in my lifetime. Both while in my teens. By the time I was in my twenties, I wasn't interested in women who needed training wheels. I wanted women who knew how to ****!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sex is a renewable resource. Recycle often.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> An "unused" vagina is like a sports car on cement blocks. And if it hasn't been "used" much, it probably won't get used much by you, either.


not necessarily. guys like to think there's something special about them personally, and that all it takes to get that sports car rolling is them. I'm aware of a few examples like that.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Yes.......you are going to take a beating here.... I do want to correct you.. there are MANY men today who would prefer experienced women, and would spit on the virgin (many feel she is low drive / prudish/ repressed and would not even consider her).....
> 
> I have more conservative sexual views.. In my youth I believed in waiting for the man who would marry me...I have been sensitive to every post that speaks like there is something wrong with a woman who waits.. she is not sexual like others, etc...and there are plenty here on TAM that feel this way..
> 
> ...


wow, I don't know many men who would fit your first paragraph. I can take a beating. I spent a dozen years in political chatrooms and been called everything that's out there. I am new to this genre however. I grew tired of politics and went through some marital issues and just felt like "switching."

of course I havn't read a lot of your posts, I just signed up yesterday! but you sound reasonable and I agree with a lot of what you say. I wish that I was the only man that my wife had ever had, but I suspect she's probably glad about the fact that she isn't the only woman I've had.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Again, it really depends on culture, and the way you were raised. Here in the U.S., it is more likely, while in the Netherlands, they celebrate sexuality more and are more open minded about it. Look at your parents and their core values. Look at the culture you were raised in. In the U.S. there is still a lot of **** shaming, while in other countries where sexuality is more appreciated, totally different story. The U.S. is still a conservative, moderate country. In some third world countries, a lot of men would have sex with a single female. They believe that the strongest genetics will win. A woman in that tribe could have a dozen men having sex with her, trying to impregante her. The entire village raises the child.


born, raised and live in the U.S., so I can't say I'm too familiar with European ways. but I can say I do find the u.s. to be a little more on the prudish side than I care for.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

Amplexor said:


> Then you've had limited exposure to men's opinions.
> 
> I've been with two virgins in my lifetime. Both while in my teens. By the time I was in my twenties, I wasn't interested in women who needed training wheels. I wanted women who knew how to ****!


is this for your relationships or for your one night stands?


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

badsanta said:


> So you mean to tell me that that female actress that is so freaking famous from being in countless adult films that all the men are crazy about, that she has now gone onto start doing Hollywood movies and TV shows, and you can go right now into the adult novelty store and buy a best selling version of her vagina made into a masturbation sleeve so that all men can drool over experiencing that ever so sought after vagina....
> 
> ....all this time, it was that faceless dude in all the adult films who is actually the most desirable?
> 
> ...


sure you'd bang her. you wouldn't marry her.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Bruticus said:


> not necessarily. guys like to think there's something special about them personally, and that all it takes to get that sports car rolling is them. I'm aware of a few examples like that.


They are special if they can get into and sustain a great long-term relationship. Otherwise, they can feel special (or want to) all they want, but that may be completely delusional. And delusion often leads to dysfunction. Yes, I want to be special, but I want to be realistic about it as well.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Bruticus said:


> is this for your relationships or for your one night stands?


I've never been a ONS kind of guy. With the exception of one drunken ONS, all my partners have been women I was in some sort of relationship with.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> An "unused" vagina is like a sports car on cement blocks. And if it hasn't been "used" much, it probably won't get used much by you, either.


Well yes, and this sports car had been stored in a barn for some 36 years with only 13 miles on it until it was found, put on display and a website was created to honor it.

Never underestimate a man’s irrationality with cars and vaginas – there’s just no making sense of it.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> They are special if they can get into and sustain a great long-term relationship. Otherwise, they can feel special (or want to) all they want, but that may be completely delusional. And delusion often leads to dysfunction. Yes, I want to be special, but I want to be realistic about it as well.


I agree, but the point I was hinting at was that no guy is going to look at his wife/girlfriend/whatever as "****ty" in any way for the things she decides to do with him, because he is going to think there's something special about him that brought it out of her.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i gave up my virginity when i was 19 or so after experiencing a traumatic event... i was on the "straight and narrow" and fell into a depression and stopped caring. the relationship lasted about three weeks. 

my next sexual partner was my wife. so i guess im not much of a player, and i wasnt all that experienced. but, from the involuntary moans and screams that are emitted from her mouth when we have sex, i guess im doing pretty good 

what good is experience when i still have to learn what turns my woman on? experience is useless if your not willing to do what it takes to make sex great for your partner.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

Amplexor said:


> I've never been a ONS kind of guy. With the exception of one drunken ONS, all my partners have been women I was in some sort of relationship with.


ok. we are just different then. of course people are going to be different, just trying to get a feel for what's closer to "the norm".


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> i gave up my virginity when i was 19 or so after experiencing a traumatic event... i was on the "straight and narrow" and fell into a depression and stopped caring. the relationship lasted about three weeks.
> 
> my next sexual partner was my wife. so i guess im not much of a player, and i wasnt all that experienced. but, from the involuntary moans and screams that are emitted from her mouth when we have sex, i guess im doing pretty good
> 
> what good is experience when i still have to learn what turns my woman on? experience is useless if your not willing to do what it takes to make sex great for your partner.


that makes sense. I think experience is overrated in politics and sex. lol


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> Then you've had limited exposure to men's opinions.
> 
> I've been with two virgins in my lifetime. Both while in my teens. *By the time I was in my twenties, I wasn't interested in women who needed training wheels. I wanted women who knew how to ****!*


:rofl::smthumbup:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
there will be all sorts of opinions here. I expect mine is a bit on the fringe but:

I want a partner who really enjoys sex. That makes it more likely that she has had more partners in the past, and that is OK with me. I will even go further out on a limb:

I would rather be with someone who was enthusiastic about sex even if they occasionally cheated, than with someone who didn't enjoy sex and who was completely faithful.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> there will be all sorts of opinions here. I expect mine is a bit on the fringe but:
> 
> I want a partner who really enjoys sex. That makes it more likely that she has had more partners in the past, and that is OK with me. I will even go further out on a limb:
> ...


what if that cheating was on you? I thought that had happened to me with my wife. but after more talking and more questions and more "trying to get her to confess" than anyone can imagine, I believe it didn't cross that line. but when I thought it was happening, it was the most painful thing I ever experienced.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

I disagree with everything the OP said.

From my own personal experiences alone, the men who had many partners before me, weren't good in bed. My husband, who has had significantly less partners than me, was initially a pretty bad lay because all his previous partners had been the "dead fish" type. He didn't even see the point of sex! He'd never had an orgasm with a woman, and he was 27 when we met. 

A woman who knows what she likes in bed, and isn't afraid to tell her partner what she needs, is going to be a better lover than a woman who is repressed. This is not related to number of sexual partners - it's related to the woman's views of sex and how she relates those views to herself. If she feels sex is something great and nothing to ever be ashamed of, sex will be better with her. If she feels sex and desire is shameful, no amount of sex can change that, because those feelings are rooted deep in her mind, likely from her upbringing.

Here's a good explanation of that from a blogging friend of mine:
I Was Taught To Be Ashamed Of My Sexuality | Jessica Dimas


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Bruticus said:


> I agree, but the point I was hinting at was that no guy is going to look at his wife/girlfriend/whatever as "****ty" in any way for the things she decides to do with him, because he is going to think there's something special about him that brought it out of her.


If he's really lucky, that will be true. More likely, is that she's done the same with others previously, some of whom may have been bigger or better. So, he's probably delusional. What MAY be special is that she is IN LOVE with him, whereas she may not have been previously. Being truly loved is special enough, for me.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Bruticus said:


> I just have this theory based on life experience about what turns men and women on and am wondering if I'm right or if I'm nuts.
> 
> In a nutshell, the theory is the more a penis is used, the more valuable it becomes, and the less a vagina is used, the more valuable it is.
> 
> ...


I do not agree with your theory. I don't think you can make a broad generalization like that. Secondly, it doesn't apply to me personally. I want someone who is sexually compatible with ME, it doesn't matter if he has been with only one other person or 10. I put no "value" label on a penis that has been used with many people....or just a few.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Bruticus
yes, I was including her cheating on me.

I lived 25 years with an almost non-existent sex life, whom I loved, and who loved me, but who had absolutely no desire for me. 

I haven't been cheated on, so I don't know what that feels like, but without knowing, I'd take it over the life I had. 



Bruticus said:


> what if that cheating was on you? I thought that had happened to me with my wife. but after more talking and more questions and more "trying to get her to confess" than anyone can imagine, I believe it didn't cross that line. but when I thought it was happening, it was the most painful thing I ever experienced.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Brut,
I want to differentiate two completely separate topics:
1. Your partners sexual experiences prior to meeting you 
2. Their fidelity to you

You've just gotten here and I'm already worried about you. 

Because This feels like a certain pattern of behavior I've seen before. 

A man gets married and begins to have more and more trouble with his wife's lack of pre-relationship purity. They talk about it, he shares his disappointment in her. He brings it up more than once. The conversations become understandably strained. 

Then he has an idea. So he comes to TAM hoping that via an informal survey to discover that most/all men feel the same desire to have married a TRUE white dress wife. 

Because he wants to revisit this topic with his wife and tell her: 
Darling, I asked around on a marriage site and ALL the men their said they would consider you damaged goods. Of course he plans to say it in a MUCH nicer way because he loves his wife. 

------------
That concludes today's emotional MRI. The next bit is more 'general observations' about what comes next. 

Every man I've encountered who gets stuck in a downward spiral of focus on their wifes lack of purity, ends up destroying hs marriage. He might remain married, but the marriage is slowly ruined. 







Bruticus said:


> what if that cheating was on you? I thought that had happened to me with my wife. but after more talking and more questions and more "trying to get her to confess" than anyone can imagine, I believe it didn't cross that line. but when I thought it was happening, it was the most painful thing I ever experienced.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Richard,
I completely agree with you on this. 

In fact, M2 came pretty close to crossing that line with an employee of ours. 


[/B]


richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Bruticus
> yes, I was including her cheating on me.
> 
> I lived 25 years with an almost non-existent sex life, whom I loved, and who loved me, but who had absolutely no desire for me.
> ...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> there will be all sorts of opinions here. I expect mine is a bit on the fringe but:
> 
> I want a partner who really enjoys sex. That makes it more likely that she has had more partners in the past, and that is OK with me. I will even go further out on a limb:
> ...


Fortunately, there's more than just those two options.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Brut,
> I want to differentiate two completely separate topics:
> 1. Your partners sexual experiences prior to meeting you
> 2. Their fidelity to you
> ...


For the most part, do you want to know "how many" is "too many"?

_Just one more than *me*_, baby.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Gus,

Wholeheartedly agree. 

I do however think Richard is really on to something big. 

Long term withholding in a monogamous relationship is a betrayal of your vows. And that type withholding typically includes a lot of deception and dishonest avoidance behaviors. 

Was I hurt that M2 fell in love with another man? You betcha. But not even close to how bad I would have felt in a long term sex starved marriage. 






GusPolinski said:


> Fortunately, there's more than just those two options.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Gus,

I admit to not knowing your story. Did you and your wife both wait until you were married? 





GusPolinski said:


> For the most part, do you want to know "how many" is "too many"?
> 
> _Just one more than *me*_, baby.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Who says a one night stand isn't a relationship?

We were very close for those 13 hours.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening GusPolinski
True, though a lot of people have difficulty finding other options. 


GusPolinski said:


> Fortunately, there's more than just those two options.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Bruticus said:


> I've never heard a woman say she wanted an inexperienced man, and I've never heard a man say he wants an experienced woman. So, would you say this is correct?


Let me just add to the pile-on here and say I would under no circumstances EVER want to be with an inexperienced woman again in my life. If she's inexperienced, she's too young for me, and if she's not too young, then I have no interest in her lack of experience. 

This place is going to spin you up on the disconnect between the real world and your assumptions Right Quick.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Gus,
> 
> I admit to not knowing your story. Did you and your wife both wait until you were married?


No, but I think you misunderstood my reply. Or maybe I worded it incorrectly. Either way, it would've probably been better stated as such...



> For the most part, do you want to know "how many" is "too many"?
> 
> Just one more _after_ me, baby.


Sooo, mathematically speaking...

pre-Gus count + Gus = good

pre-Gus count + Gus + 1 = not good


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> I do however think Richard is really on to something big.
> 
> Long term withholding in a monogamous relationship is a betrayal of your vows. And that type withholding typically includes a lot of deception and dishonest avoidance behaviors.


:iagree: I endured 25 years of this crap and I can tell you that it is soul-destroying via slow torture (one small cut at a time). I would have rather had a single knife to the heart (cheating) years ago.

He is an STBX now, but still ... the single knife wound would have been easier to heal.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

I'm 53 and an inexperienced woman, especially a younger woman, is not desirable to me. I like a woman who knows what she wants, who knows that it's really not all about my penis....


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

One other comment -- I married a virgin and am still married to her after more than 20 years. I can honestly say that she has never learned to please me, something that at first was due to experience, but quickly became more about the type of person she is. 

So, to repeat what really has already been said, it's more about attitude than experience, although experience says a whole lot about attitude!


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Agree with the view regarding men.

Women are more malleable.


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

thanks for the replies. perhaps my "theory" has more exceptions than i thought.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Red,

No comparison. It's the difference between a single heart attack, and having leprosy. 

Feeling hurt is one thing.

Feeling unloved and unlovable over a long term is a whole other universe of misery. 



QUOTE=Red Sonja;11291450]:iagree: I endured 25 years of this crap and I can tell you that it is soul-destroying via slow torture (one small cut at a time). I would have rather had a single knife to the heart (cheating) years ago.

He is an STBX now, but still ... the single knife wound would have been easier to heal.[/QUOTE]


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Brut,

I have this theory that the more courage a man displays in his marriage the more attractive he is to his wife. 

Given your Roman styled screen name, I expected you to engage. Instead you seem to be retiring from the field. 

If this is what you do at home, it isn't helping your attractiveness quotient. 






Bruticus said:


> thanks for the replies. perhaps my "theory" has more exceptions than i thought.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> An "unused" vagina is like a sports car on cement blocks. And if it hasn't been "used" much, it probably won't get used much by you, either.



Time series analysis is your friend...


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Brut,
> 
> I have this theory that the more courage a man displays in his marriage the more attractive he is to his wife.
> 
> ...


"Bruticus" is the name of my favorite Transformer from the '80's cartoon. I like the name, so I use it sometimes for things like this and my Chess Time ID on my mobile phone. That's all it means. My original post was more a question than a statement and I wanted to get a feel for what kind of other thoughts were out there, and I did. What am I "retiring" from? something else you wanna know?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Brut,

It's a good name. 

Posts on each thread are numbered. My questions were mostly implied. They are all in post #31 on this thread. 

That said - you play chess - a great game. This may perhaps be the reason that my assumptions (in post 31) as to your motives aren't quite right.

I am however curious - regarding what triggered the question. 





Bruticus said:


> "Bruticus" is the name of my favorite Transformer from the '80's cartoon. I like the name, so I use it sometimes for things like this and my Chess Time ID on my mobile phone. That's all it means. My original post was more a question than a statement and I wanted to get a feel for what kind of other thoughts were out there, and I did. What am I "retiring" from? something else you wanna know?


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