# I want attention from my husband!



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Here it goes:

We've been together for 10 years. No real sexual issues. We used to do it twice a week, but its once a week now and it hasn't been that good.
My husband does not give me the attention I want. Over the last week I have changed my hair and brought new underwear and had to FISH for him to say anything about the change. 
When I am out and about people give me compliments all the time! I feel bad for saying, but it feels good to get male attention at this point, more than it should. 
I feel totally unwanted and unattractive to him. I went off this week and asked why he didn't say anything about my bra and panty set and he said "I see you in your underwear all the time, it doesn't phase me"....WHAT??? I went up to bed and cried. 
Now there's a young boy who has been talking to me, and giving me compliments, asking me to do things. I have been turning him down but throwing it in my husband's face that he says things I WANT him to say! I know its wrong, but the jealousy is reassuring at this point, and its messed up.
What the hell should I do?!


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

vspinkgrl said:


> Here it goes:
> 
> We've been together for 10 years. No real sexual issues. We used to do it twice a week, but its once a week now and it hasn't been that good.
> My husband does not give me the attention I want. Over the last week I have changed my hair and brought new underwear and had to FISH for him to say anything about the change.
> ...


You need to sit him down and talk to him like a real marriage partner. He needs to do a better job. I would rather be with a grown up, rather than a wife accepting attention from a young boy. Why are you so unsure of yourself you need the attention from a young boy? And do not say you aren't because you clearly are. When was the last time you told him (husband not the boy) how hot he looked, how great he is. When was the last time you did something new in the sack? I am not trying to insult, just want to point out that a stale marriage is stale for both partners.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Make yourself the stunning creature you are, then go out with friends. Keep it real but enjoy the compliments from other men. Go home and tell your husband who said what and how it made you feel. Then leave it at that.

Some men need a dang smack in the head to realize they are taking for granted the loveliness at home. Don't be shy about giving him a kick in the pants. 

Have him read 5 love languages, read them together. There is all an online test you both can take and share your answers.

Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

How obvious is your "fishing"?
Do you initiate or make it obviously known that you're wanting some attention?
Using the younger boy to churn up jealousy is going to end in disaster one way or another.
His love language might be touch or words of affirmation, so you in your bra and panties alone may not do a whole lot where initiating some touch and whispering some sweet nothings in his ear may be all that is needed...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

If a man doesn't like it when a woman fishes for compliments, he needs only look to himself to wonder why she needs to fish? Why isn't he offering it up enough she doesn't need to fish?


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> If a man doesn't like it when a woman fishes for compliments, he needs only look to himself to wonder why she needs to fish? Why isn't he offering it up enough she doesn't need to fish?


or is she too insecure and needs it way too much?


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

I did say I was turning the young boy down..I had to re read to make sure I said that. I don't need attention from the young boy..I think I said I need it from my HUSBAND. 

As far as the fishing, I have come down..done some regular things. Then after he clearly isn't going to say anything I say "My panties and bra match, I thought you liked that?" or "Do you like my hair color"...his response goes like "its cute."

Since when is a wife wanting attention from her husband for things that aren't everyday..like a new hairdo, or lingerie..insecure?? I don't need attention for my old pair of shoes or lipstick.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

No argument AP, I'm just saying my stbxw always wanted to be complimented but only a couple times in our marriage did she ever made it obvious or take me serious when I did complement.
Then her being LD to my HD, even if I gave a compliment she was happy with then she'd sit on the computer until 1am and leave me hanging after getting me all worked up


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

As far as something new in the bedroom. I always told my husband I wouldn't take pictures or record myself. Well, I made a sexy webcam video for him to watch. And he seemed to like it. There is NO staleness from this end.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Vsp, follow Anon's advice. Have a talk about things and both of you take the 5 love languages test. Fill them out on your own, add them up and then trade your results. You'll learn a lot about both your needs and be able to understand each other better.
As an HD guy, I also really didn't like being teased if we weren't going to go take care of business. New hair-do, color, clothing, no problem, but showing off some undergarments or lingerie...better be ready to finish what you started


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

With guys like vspinkgrl's husband, doing the whole "look how other boys notice me!" thing usually doesn't work.

vsp...Did your husband ever give you the amount and type of compliments you like?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

for what I see you really love your husband, otherwise you probably have cheated already.

Is good that you show him that there are other men who desire you, but don't over do it, don't make him think that you are actually doing something with him or encouraging him, but let him know that the attention appealing to you.

he probably loves you too, but he is taking you for granted, don't feel bad about it, unfortunatly is a common human trait.

like Anon told you there are many books aot there that show how to reconnect (emotionally and physicaly) with you partner.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> With guys like vspinkgrl's husband, doing the whole "look how other boys notice me!" thing usually doesn't work.
> 
> vsp...Did your husband ever give you the amount and type of compliments you like?


When he wants to get laid.


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## KalmAndKollected (Sep 26, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Make yourself the stunning creature you are, then go out with friends. Keep it real but enjoy the compliments from other men. Go home and tell your husband who said what and how it made you feel. Then leave it at that.


Lol. Don't do this if you want the marriage to last. I would just assume you're becoming an attention *****, followed up by becoming an actual *****.

I love these posts about men not wanting there wives, and he's somehow a schmuck because he didn't acknowledge your new panties.

I have a feeling there's more to this than has been led on. Any resentment on his part? Do you give him personal time? Do you nag? Talk too much? Any and all of these make me not want my wife... Just FYI from another matrried guy.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

vspinkgrl said:


> When he wants to get laid.


This is human nature for a guy, but I understand it's easy to get complacent, bogged down in life, and take each other for granted. In my next relationship, I'm going to keep a permanent mental note "never stop courting your significant other".


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

vspinkgrl said:


> When he wants to get laid.


Now see? That right there says soooo much.

If he gives a compliment you think he just wants sex. So he stops giving compliments so you won't think that. But you miss the compliments and now he doesn't give them in case you think he's just trying to get laid. Nasty little circle going there.

Time to be honest with him. Tell him you misinterpreted his compliments in the past and wish he'd go back to giving them. When he does try, beam a 10K watt smile and say thank you honey!

A good looking woman will naturally have men wanting to have sex with her. But he wants your love as much as you want him to notice you. Someone has to go first and since you're the one here, I vote for you going first. You ask for compliments, he gives them, you beam at him and be open for sex too.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

vspinkgrl said:


> As far as something new in the bedroom. I always told my husband I wouldn't take pictures or record myself. Well, I made a sexy webcam video for him to watch. And he seemed to like it. There is NO staleness from this end.


too bad a man can't do that for his wife


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

badcompany said:


> This is human nature for a guy, but I understand it's easy to get complacent, bogged down in life, and take each other for granted. In my next relationship, I'm going to keep a permanent mental note* "never stop courting your significant other"*.


QFT!!!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

But see...the OP has some responsibility in this, too. I don't mean to beat on you, vspink...but if you marry a man who isn't giving you what you need and want in this realm but expect him to magically change after marriage, then you were not making a wise decision here.

I'm going to guess that you've never been totally satisfied in this area but went forward with the relationship anyway. Amiright?


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> But see...the OP has some responsibility in this, too. I don't mean to beat on you, vspink...but if you marry a man who isn't giving you what you need and want in this realm but expect him to magically change after marriage, then you were not making a wise decision here.
> 
> I'm going to guess that you've never been totally satisfied in this area but went forward with the relationship anyway. Amiright?


He always gave compliments and made me feel wanted before we got married. I don't believe in magic.

Anon, you are right. I do tend to roll my eyes when he gives me compliments cause I think its for sex. Mostly cause its usually after a *****fest and I am not speaking with him!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

When did it change? Right after the wedding? After a year? Two years?


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Take the 5LL's test, have a nice calm sit down talk with him...you can fix this with simple communication.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> When did it change? Right after the wedding? After a year? Two years?


We were together 6 years before engagement. It started a year after marriage. And it fluctuates a lot.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

As a hd male I cannot understand why a man would not give a wife pleasure, have you tried to seduce him or anything like that?


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

He came home talking about the young guy. After a few I'll- kill- hims, where does he work...etc. We had a little talk about the lack of attention. This guy is just someone who I see a few times a week in class, and is not out of the ordinary at all. I just thought I'd use it to make him jealous cause its the most recent. I have NO interest in the guy...he knows it. 
Buuut, now he wants to spend the night together and seems to have a fire under his @$$ now...haha. I don't know. 
Thanks for all the input and I WILL be doing what you said Anon!


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

edbopc said:


> As a hd male I cannot understand why a man would not give a wife pleasure, have you tried to seduce him or anything like that?


His lack of attention prevents me from initiating anything, during the times where we have this problem. It makes me feel desperate.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

I have felt that way towards my wife in the past but I usually have to break down and give in, strip off and come and just take her. It takes some uhhhh gonads but I do it and a lot of other things to get her in the sack


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## KalmAndKollected (Sep 26, 2012)

The jealousy thing isn't going to work. A fire under his ass now means little. He cannot read your mind. All he knows is that this boy is on your mind. Whether you have intentions or not. Doesn't matter if you you've verbalized this. Good luck with that route.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KalmAndKollected (Sep 26, 2012)

edbopc said:


> As a hd male I cannot understand why a man would not give a wife pleasure, have you tried to seduce him or anything like that?


You must have a good wife without a personality disorder. **** doesn't get me revved in the slightest man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

She has her moments,,,,,,but I have to be happy too, its a team marriage


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