# Ugh (venting)



## Male39 (Oct 1, 2013)

I’m getting very, very tired. I scheduled an appointment with a atty.

Has any one else experienced something similar?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Carry on with the divorce. You are being abused.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

when is enough...enough...unless you are ponying for martyrdom you would be a fool to stay with her, and please for god sake skip the "but i love her " because she clearly doesn't, and if you do then you're a glutton for pain.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Get a divorce, as quickly and amicably as possible. Then figure out why you put up with this for 9 years, and how to avoid partnering up with someone like this harpy in future. 

She and her children moved in with you 8 years ago. So, you'd been together around a year? Yeah, don't live with - and for pity's sake, don't marry - anyone you haven't been dating for at least 2 years. It's hard to hide crazy for an extended period, and two years or so usually reveals people for who they truly are. It doesn't sound like you knew who your wife really was before you moved her in to your house and your life. If you did know, because she's been like this since day one, well then the problem is actually you. Most people will treat you exactly as well, or as poorly, as you allow them to. Your wife treats you poorly because you have allowed it all these years by staying with her. You can fix that now. And you should.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Don't be a doormat. Your W has not respect for you. Continue on with the appointment with the lawyer.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Whyyyyyyy did you marry a woman like this?


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Gaslighting, lack of respect, no sex, she is miserable, you're doing well on your own financially. Why in the **** are you in this relationship? Cant you see you're better off alone or with someone who will treat you like a king?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Good for you for calling your lawyer. I would say that your wife is abusive, and yes I've experienced some of the above with both my former husband and my parents. It's mostly them not remembering things that they have said. I think it must be nice to have selective memory and never have to acknowledge wrongdoings! Talk to your lawyer, and go from there. Also, protect what assets you can in the meantime. If your wife has selective memory, she may not remember transferring gobs of money to her bank account from yours, lol, so you want to secure whatever you can.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Did you marry my MIL? Seriously, why are you with someone that you like so little? Move on.


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## Male39 (Oct 1, 2013)

Thanks for all of the feedback and support everyone.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your life situation.

I tried but could not find any reasons why you should work on things. 

Leave and rebuild your life to get some happiness back.

Good luck.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Male39 said:


> Thanks for all of the feedback and support everyone. This is a second marriage and I’ve been fighting to make it work. I’m also fiercely loyal (to a fault) and a devout Christian so I take my vows very seriously. I’m not naïve, obviously I’ve got issues as well if this marriage also fails. She’s very beautiful, educated and well-spoken so I drank the Kool-Aid. Initially, I wondered why she was pressing to get married so quickly. In hindsight, I think it’s because she knows that she has a personality disorder that she could only keep under wraps for so long. Even her mom, whom we rarely see, will randomly pull me aside to tell me that she knows that I’m dealing with “a lot.”
> 
> She’s amazing in that I will give her a gift and she always figures a way to not say thank you. Even though she makes very good money and pays no mutual bills, I just put new winter tires on her SUV. Instead of her saying thank you, she looks at the tires and tells me that she things that they look used. I just gave her $ 5,000.00 to apply to her vehicle. She never said thank you, but she will swear she did if I ever brought it up (and she didn’t want me to tell her kids that I did this). She just takes the cash and say something like, “oh my gosh, I need to put this in the safe right away” and walks away, not saying thank you and then changes the subject when she returns. Speaking of her vehicle, it is HER vehicle. When she bought it, she made it clear that it was HERS, not ours. She just bought a little dog. She made it clear that the dog was HERS, not ours (not that I care, but that’s not really the point).
> I’m not even getting into the really good stuff, like her smacking me and berating me in front of her kids for telling her daughter’s boyfriend that he had to leave because he was laying on her daughter’s bed, again, after I told him numerous times that he wasn’t allowed to. Or how she knows that I don’t like heights but she booked a room 30 stories up with an open balcony to the room entrance…she told me I could crawl to the room if I had to. When I was going through absolute financial agony when the market crashed, instead of helping me, she got a boob job, lipo and tummy tuck. Once again, she will deny all of the above or say that I’m unfairly spinning it (i.e. that I never told how bad my financial situation was etc…but I did).
> ...


As a Christian I would go and see the pastor and tell him what is going on. Being that she is emotionally and physically abusive, I cant see how you can stay and remain sane. She is a narcissist through and through. 
There is no way that you have to put up with her being violent and cruel. She will end up a lonely old lady but her meanness and cruelty are causing that. 
When someone cant or wont ever admit they are wrong its impossible to have a healthy marriage. 

I am sorry that you married her. didn't you see any red flags?


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## Male39 (Oct 1, 2013)

Red flags, yes, I saw them


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Male39,

If you have/or had a son what would you say to them about this woman? 

Can you imagine going through another 10 or 20 years of this, your life sound exhausting.

Can you arrange for this woman to have an affair with someone you hate?

Tamat


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Male39 said:


> Red flags, yes, I saw them:
> I bought her a large engagement ring (I picked it out based on her hinting as to what she liked). After, we went to pick out her wedding band. She picked one with 5-diamonds. However, she wanted the end and the center diamonds changed to ruby’s. When I said maybe later down the road, she threw a fit and told me that it was a deal breaker. I held my ground and here we are.
> 
> The second red flag was raised when I took her and her kids on vacation. I booked the hotel (a very nice and expensive hotel), but it didn’t meet her approval and we ended up getting a place of her choosing up the road (much more expensive). Then a business matter came up and I had to cut the vacation short by a day. She threw a fit like a teenage girl.
> ...


Please don't leave any of your pets in the house with her, she sounds dangerous and cruel. Yes you ignored so many red flags, she is clearly violent, greedy, cruel, spoilt, abusive and immature. 
You dont need her permission to see the pastor, go without telling her, but I cant see why anyone would tell you to stay with her. If you leave, take the pets with you or get someone else to care for them for now. She has already killed 2, probably injured another one. she can and will do it again.

Get some good legal advise. She may well get really nasty if you end it. Keep written notes of everything that happens. Also you may need to record things.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I was going to ask if you married my ex wife, but we have only been divorced three years. Anyways, you need to follow thru on that Attorney appointment and take every step necessary to protect your assets and your sanity. I went thru a similar experience. I ignorantly stuck around for about 15 years too long. It took its toll on my sanity. Financially as well. We never had a pot to pee in while we were married. She spent it faster than it came in. But in the aftermath, I am finding I am much better off without funding her life.


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## haveandhold (Jan 15, 2018)

Roselyn said:


> Carry on with the divorce. You are being abused.


Abused???

Listen, Male39, I disagree with the advice you are being given by everyone here. Your wife has done some hurtful things, no doubt. But there is absolutely no abuse here. Let's look at what you have told us:


She is not grateful.
Complains a lot
She doesn't fight fair
Insensitive when you were sick
Financial issues
Blaming

Ok. You have got legitimate complaints. But these are not abusive at all. Was there an affair? Does she beat you? Humiliate you in public? That is abuse.

The things you have mentioned are forgivable and can be worked on with time and patience. If you decide to end the marriage that's fine. However, you will be depriving yourself of the long term joy that only comes after many years of weathering the ups and downs of a marriage that still needs to grow. 

It sound to me like your wife hurts your feelings a lot. I get it, it sucks and I have been there. My wife has forgotten my birthday, she has been passive-aggressive, she has lied about the money she spends, etc... But now, after many years, we have learned to stop trying to change one another. I really love her a lot and we have been through some really dark times. 

Before you get the divorce, think this through. Look at all sides (I am sure that she has some complaints of her own). Make the decision when you are not angry.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Male39 said:


> I've been with my wife for nine years. She has no friends. Every time she starts to make a friend, she does something to blow it up. My wife doesn't have any communications with her brothers or her sister. My wife rarely talks to her parents and has zero contact with my parents. Even when they've given me expensive family heirloom jewelry to give to her, she accepts the gifts and never calls or emails my parents to thank them. Nothing.
> 
> We haven't had sex in 5 years. She complains about everything. When her daughter turned 18, she moved out immediately. When her daughter visits (rare), my wife begins and ends the visit by telling her whats wrong with her. She does the same with me and her 17-year old son. She will cut on you and then, when you get upset for her doing so, she will literally deny saying what she just said and accuse you of trying to create drama.
> 
> ...




- sounds like your wife is very selfish and in it for herself. It's all about her.


- She hasn't had sex with you in 5 years?!?!?! A wife is to take care of her husbands needs as her own and that means physicality and sex.


- She seems to blame others for her issues and doesn't see this.


- You are taking care of her financially and she is spoiled rotten.


- I recently had an argument with a young single council members that sounds similar to your wife in attitude.....delusional, etc.....there are women out there like that.


- Good idea to see an attorney.


- Many ladies today are in it for themselves, spoiled, they are never at fault, you are delusional, never help anyone, you get the idea.


- The trick is to recognize women like that early on and stay away!!!!


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

haveandhold said:


> Abused???
> 
> Listen, Male39, I disagree with the advice you are being given by everyone here. Your wife has done some hurtful things, no doubt. But there is absolutely no abuse here. Let's look at what you have told us:
> 
> ...


Where is the unlike button when you need one!


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Roselyn said:


> Where is the unlike button when you need one!


OP strongly suspects his wife of _*intentionally*_ killing/injuring three of the pets. That's abuse.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

haveandhold said:


> Abused???
> 
> Listen, Male39, I disagree with the advice you are being given by everyone here. Your wife has done some hurtful things, no doubt. But there is absolutely no abuse here. Let's look at what you have told us:
> 
> ...


Are you reading the same thread the rest of us are?

:scratchhead:


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## Male39 (Oct 1, 2013)

Thank you for taking the time to provide insight.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Yes, it is insane. I wish you the strength to get yourself out of this marriage. Like, now.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Keep a couple of voice activated recorders (VAR's) on you at all times.

Sounds like you may need the proof that you didn't do something if she ever threatens and proof of what she says and does to you.

You don't have to share anything of the recordings with her, its just insurance in case.


Good luck.


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