# My boyfriend's d!ck gets very hard



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Why? His d!ck gets so hard, it feels as he is impaling me! 

Yeah, it is a joke...... I do not have a boyfriend.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

So what is impaling you then?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

??

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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

ne9907 said:


> Why? His d!ck gets so hard, it feels as he is impaling me!
> 
> Yeah, it is a joke...... I do not have a boyfriend.


Da fuq???:surprise:


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## moth-into-flame (Oct 28, 2016)

Lol.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ne9907 said:


> Why? His d!ck gets so hard, it feels as he is impaling me!
> 
> Yeah, it is a joke...... I do not have a boyfriend.


Or any talent for telling jokes.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

ne9907 said:


> I do not have a boyfriend.


Why not?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Awwwww...... a wanker tanker....... as "Suthurn gurls wood say"


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hahaha!

Probably a slap at the wet wife thread!

I found it hilarious!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I find your thoughts on this matter intriguing, and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Or any talent for telling jokes.




Maybe a "knock, knock" joke


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Maybe a "knock, knock" joke


Knock on WOOD?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

So, what's the perfect size hard d!ck? 6-7"?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Mine used to.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

ne9907,

Was there any liquid encouragement involved in creating this thread?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Better an imaginary hard one than an imaginary limp one (or maybe even a real life limp one).


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ne9907 said:


> Why? His d!ck gets so hard, it feels as he is impaling me!
> 
> Yeah, it is a joke...... I do not have a boyfriend.


In situations like this it can be important to know your boyfriend's "turn offs" and apply them as needed, much like a train engineer monitoring the boiler of a steam engine. Think how cats furiously hate a spritz of water to the face, mix up an iced solution of diluted vinegar with some salt and throw a whole glass of this in your boyfriends face next time he gets too hard. It should distract him just enough that intercourse will return to normal. Whatever you do, do NOT pinch his nipples.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I think I found your boyfriend ...


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Nothing gets attention like a d!ck thread.


Well maybe a boob thread.


Oh and a vag thread

And a BJ thread

Anal maybe too? 

Yep that should do it.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

@EllisRedding... now that is funny although I hope this is not sold in a Toys R Us.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> @EllisRedding... now that is funny although I hope this is not sold in a Toys R Us.




Amazon sells it.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> In situations like this it can be important to know your boyfriend's "turn offs" and apply them as needed, much like a train engineer monitoring the boiler of a steam engine. Think how cats furiously hate a spritz of water to the face, mix up an iced solution of diluted vinegar with some salt and throw a whole glass of this in your boyfriends face next time he gets too hard. It should distract him just enough that intercourse will return to normal. Whatever you do, do NOT pinch his nipples.
> 
> Cheers,
> Badsanta


I have been spritzing him with water only and yelling "down boy!" but doesn't work.... I shall add some vinegar in the water~

EDIT: I hope you all know I am totally kidding... I love me a hard d!ck


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Amazon sells it.


I knew you would search for it!


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

ne9907 said:


> I have been spritzing him with water only and yelling "down boy!" but doesn't work.... I shall add some vinegar in the water~
> 
> EDIT: I hope you all know I am totally kidding... I love me a hard d!ck


It is an interesting twist... will probably have a lot of pages by tonight for all the right reasons. :wink2:


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

GuyInColorado said:


> So, what's the perfect size hard d!ck? 6-7"?


In real life or on the internet?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Just hope your hard **** doesn't become a slick Willie!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ne9907 said:


> I have been spritzing him with water only and yelling "down boy!" but doesn't work.... I shall add some vinegar in the water~
> 
> *EDIT: I hope you all know I am totally kidding... I love me a hard d!ck*


Most people joke as a way to hide their true feelings, so it is OK and understandable that you may actually have a fetish with things that are are not so rigid. There are a number of women that enjoy ramping up female hormones and supplements in their husband's diet as a way to counteract testosterone and make him more "flexible" in the bedroom. 

It can be as simple as ramping up soy in his diet as soybeans produce natural equivalents to female hormones. 






Badsanta

EDIT: I know your joking, but sometimes jokes are a fun way to learn!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ne9907 said:


> EDIT: I hope you all know I am totally kidding... I love me a hard d!ck


Try peeing with one :cussing::banghead::soapbox:


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

You think he could chisel granite with that thing? I was thinking of putting in new kitchen counters and could use an assist......


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Amazon sells it.


The box says it's great for office parties!! Lol. The next day, HR hosts a mandatory meeting for employees "Dealing with inappropriate behavior at work ". 

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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Try peeing with one :cussing::banghead::soapbox:


Squat and tilt, or take a few steps back and hope for the best.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> I do not have a boyfriend.


Not really sure why. Just jump on match.com and put this in your description:



ne9907 said:


> I love me a hard d!ck


You should have several to choose from in about 5 minutes.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I think I found your boyfriend ...


*What I wouldn't have given to have had one of those to break out during college sophomore English class! That would have broken the monotony up provided that it didn't get taken away by the old maid crone who professored the class! She probably would have taken it home and introduced it to her cat!

Looks a whole lot like Mr. Potato Head!

But I probably would have wanted the female counterpart to go along with it!

Wonder if they make such an animal?*


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Try peeing with one :cussing::banghead::soapbox:




Probably more fun than living with 3 male teenagers 

Pass me the Clorox wipes, please!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> Not really sure why. Just jump on match.com and put this in your description:
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Several dozen.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

heartbroken50 said:


> Probably more fun than living with 3 male teenagers
> 
> Pass me the Clorox wipes, please!
> 
> ...




Well, you need to leave the seat up.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Somebody didn't take their meds this morning....


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Well, you need to leave the seat up.






I can't count the number of times I fell in as a child growing up with 3 brothers.

3 brothers
3 sons

Somebody has a sick sense of humor up there 


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Since we're all being inappropriate and such; Google is amazing...lookie here: 

A Hardon a Cat Can't Scratch
Hey all not sure if this term get used outside oz but it is the first thing that sprang to my mind when I woke up . I've been noticing after Bathmate session eq is down but the next morning , holy ****ing **** burgers is it hard !!!!!!!!!!!!! My wife said when she saw it this morning that I need to stop growing it ! My reply " no ****ing way ". I'm not sure if it looks longer to me but my morning boners look fat and very very hard . Feels like its going to burst ! Still not measuring till I'm hitting 120 in tube or touching the sides which ever comes first . Pumping to 180 at the mo and not too far off side by end of session . . I think another month maybe and I'll be measuring . My wife still thinks I'm just using andro every now and then , ha !!!! Haven't showed her Bathmate . Next time she goes out at night I'll pump just before she get home so I can let her feel the difference straight after pump ! I've said it before but man I love my Bathmate


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Always make sure you have the original weener cleaner ... I actually did buy this for my cousin for his 30th birthday lol


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Somebody didn't take their meds this morning....


that would be me.... I am just exhausted! The boyfriend's D kept up awake all night....


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hey, keep it clean, Charlie!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Always make sure you have the original weener cleaner ... I actually did buy this for my cousin for his 30th birthday lol


LOL @ the disclaimer at the bottom!


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## Capt. Cootie (Feb 22, 2013)

All this reminded me of the movie "Real Genius"

Chris Knight: No seriously, listen...if there's ever anything I can do for you, or more to the point, to you, you let me know, okay?
Susan Decker: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan Decker: A girl's got to have her standards.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> .


Charlie, I was joshing you. Dang, my sense of humor failed me again.:frown2:


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Charlie, I was joshing you. Dang, my sense of humor failed me again.:frown2:


It was a Friday, Mrs P had a crappy day, the cøcktails flowed freely. I wasn't sure so drunkenly erred on the side of caution. Hmm, and just looked it up, I actually (and unintentionally) used a PC term.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

ne9907 said:


> that would be me.... I am just exhausted! The boyfriend's D kept up awake all night....


He kept poking you in the back huh?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> He kept poking you in the back huh?


Seriously one of the best feelings ever.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Capt. Cootie said:


> All this reminded me of the movie "Real Genius"
> 
> Chris Knight: No seriously, listen...if there's ever anything I can do for you, or more to the point, to you, you let me know, okay?
> Susan Decker: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?
> ...


I read this and thought "relationship goals!" haha... or maybe just penis goals.

The last guy I had sex with was a bit weird but his penis did get hella hard.... so enjoyable. Sometimes he would beat his penis against door frames (ouch!)
He also liked a bit of pain with his sex.... I do too so back off!~ 



lucy999 said:


> Seriously one of the best feelings ever.


Yes, indeed. One of the best feelings ever. Especially when it is followed by morning sex, or midnight sex, or just after nap sex...


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

ne9907 said:


> Why? His d!ck gets so hard, it feels as he is impaling me!
> 
> Yeah, it is a joke...... I do not have a boyfriend.


 good thing we're not together. My dic*s harder than life in syria. I cant imagine anything harder so forgive me if that was lame.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

2inthemorning said:


> good thing we're not together. My dic*s harder than life in syria. I cant imagine anything harder so forgive me if that was lame.


So hard that it can only be destroyed in the crack of doom?


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Lon said:


> So hard that it can only be destroyed in the crack of doom?


Even harder . So hard Russia and the US are may have to join forces to crak down on it. Its really a huge undertaking.


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