# Caught boyfriend on prostitution site



## sadfiancee (Jan 8, 2013)

Newbie here. I'm not married but engaged and I need advice, and maybe more importantly a place to get this off my chest. Sorry for the long post but there is lots of detail here.

Back in the summer, suspicious of a close friendship my then-boyfriend had with another female, I looked at his FB messages. I found more than I bargained for.

He had messaged a woman I had never heard of or seen before. He asked her where she was and said, "long time no see."

I immediately googled her name and discovered she was a prostitute, via a website where guys discuss and rate their favorite streetwalkers. I was freaking out, to put it mildly. But in my mind my boyfriend -- and I know everyone says this -- could never do something like that. He is such a nice guy, and frankly, a bit of a dork. I just couldn't never in my wildest dreams imagine he would pickup a hooker in a sleazy part of town. So, after a day of thinking it over, I wrote it off as he must have known her from somewhere else, like maybe the cafeteria at work or a gas station. 

Forward to last night. I went in the bedroom to get into my PJs and when I came back out to the living room I sat on the sofa next to my boyfriend, who was on his laptop. Immediately I see the heading "Streetwalker Report." I say, "What are you doing looking at that?!" He closes the window quickly and tells me he was looking up news about a recent murder in a town near us, telling me they suspect the guy was soliciting a prostitute. I know the story, and I know the guy had nothing to do with a prostitute. We sat there and I got quieter and quieter as my mind reeled. My bf tried to make conversation but I was giving him curt, one-word answers as I started to shake. At one point he sat there with the now turned-off laptop in his lap not moving or saying anything.

He went to bed and I went into the bathroom and burst into tears. After composing myself, I tried to stay in there as long as I could in hopes he would be asleep and I didn't have to face him but no such luck.

When I went in the bedroom he was awake and wanted to talk. He asked me what was wrong. At first I told him I didn't want to get into it then. I was tired and wanted to sleep and didn't again want to have to face this possibility.

But he kept pressing, so I gave him the name of the woman he messaged on FB, asking him who she was. He claimed to have never heard of her. I told him she's a known prostitute and that I found a FB message he sent her last summer, and that I found evidence of who she is on the website I caught him on last night. Again, he pleaded ignorance. 

This went on and on and on, for about two hours, with him insisting that he has no idea who she was, and telling me he only goes on that website to read the news section, which reminds of "I only bought it to read the stories." 

At one point I had him get his laptop and log me into his FB so I could see his messages. He was "searching" through them, then I grabbed the computer and started looking myself. I brought up the message to this woman from May, still there. Again, faced with this, he denied knowing her, and claims he must have messaged her accidentally or his account was hacked. Sorry, but even with tears in his eyes, I wasn't buying it. She had been in his FB friends list over the summer, which he denies. She's not there anymore of course.

I woke up this morning and he was already gone. His laptop was still in our bedroom so I grabbed it and started looking around. Under most recent I found a soft-core porn story. I have no idea where it came from. I googled phrases of it and couldn't find anything. So I'm left with the possibility he wrote it, a friend of his did (we're writers and have many friends that are, too), or he downloaded it from the deep recesses of the internet.

I took his computer to work with me this morning, because I was planning on asking him to allow me to look through it tonight when I got home, and didn't want him to have the chance to clean it before I arrived.

Another part of me also considered taking it to a private investigator or surveillance firm.

However, unable to just let it sit in my office, I started it up this morning and looked through it. I couldn't find anything damning, but I also am not a skilled pro at such things, plus it's a relatively new computer.

I don't know what to do. Like I said earlier, I cannot imagine him doing something like this. He said to me the same thing many times last night. But this looks like 2+2=4, right? Right? Oh God. I can't believe this is happening.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You could install a keylogger on the computer and not tell him. There is at least one that sends the data to a website so you don't need to be on his computer to see what he's up to.

Install it and then tell him you have decided that you over reacted. See what he does online in the next few days/weeks.


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## sadfiancee (Jan 8, 2013)

I thought of that but his laptop is a Mac, which I don't know much about. Also, don't they have like a super-extra-good level of security? I'm afraid if I tried to install something it would get picked up by a virus scan program or something similar.

I really wish I would have stayed in the bathroom longer last night, although he probably would have come and got me. If I didn't reveal what I know to him I could monitor him and get more evidence. But now he's on to me so I doubt he'll be doing anything not on the up-and-up on his computer, at least his home computer. 

He knew I had looked at his FB messages, and probably suspects I looked at his email, too, which I did. With his new computer he keeps telling me he "can't stay logged in" on FB or eBay anymore. And when you typed in his ID in his email log-on box the password would appear automatically. No more now.

Should I tell him I want to hire a private investigator? And that if he has nothing to hide he shouldn't care? 

And if there is nothing here, I'm worried that just my suspicion he's using hookers could destroy our relationship. I love him and want to marry him.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You could install a keylogger on the computer and not tell him. There is at least one that sends the data to a website so you don't need to be on his computer to see what he's up to.
> 
> Install it and then tell him you have decided that you over reacted. See what he does online in the next few days/weeks.


I would recommend this....just don't get caught.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

sadfiancee said:


> I thought of that but his laptop is a Mac, which I don't know much about. Also, don't they have like a super-extra-good level of security? I'm afraid if I tried to install something it would get picked up by a virus scan program or something similar.


Check this out. 80 bucks but comes with a 3 day free trial.

Aobo Keylogger Mac Standard for Mac - CNET Download.com


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

He's lying to you. Got caught red handed and panicked.
Deny Deny Deny! That's what cheaters do.
Sorry you are here, you're in for a rough ride.
Just count yourself lucky you're not married to him. Much easier to dump his cheating ass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

Sadfiancee, My new H did the same thing. You'd NEVER expect it from him, I thought he was totally straightforward, honest, hardly drank, didn't do sketchy stuff... however, he had a totally separate sex life that I didn't know about. He is a MASTER at hiding it. He had another cellphone and sexted on it. He posted craigslist ads looking for prostitutes in my neighborhood, he set up appointments with them IN MY HOME while I was at work, he had been actively engaged in sex forums for the past 13 years!!!! I was HORRIFIED!!! When I first found the cell phone, he DENIED, DENIED, DENIED it. This is absolutely TYPICAL of someone who has just been caught. Reading the news, my a$$!!! No way, no how. He's messing around on the internet. Two years ago, I did the same thing you did... I googled his Xbox user name and found all these sex forum posts, but I blew it off thinking that someone else out there must have the same username and was into sex forums. I told my then-fiancee that I found it and we both had a good laugh about it. Turns out... it was him. 

My point is, YES, your fiancee is doing illicit stuff. I am very sorry to say... he is. You would never ever expect it from certain men, but they are simply wired differently. You MUST deal with this NOW before you get married!!! You must!!! Find the hard evidence, and confront him with it. He has to know that this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE to you. Don't shut your eyes to this! It happened to me!!! I'm warning you! Look out!


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## sadfiancee (Jan 8, 2013)

Well I tried to install the keylogger posted above and it didn't work. It ran into some issue, was asking me to right-click (how the hell do you right-click on a Mac?) so I gave up, deleting the file I downloaded via emptying the trash.

Almost quitting time and I have to go home and face him. Not sure what to do. Play dumb and say I overreacted as someone suggested, so I can do more surveillance? Or just tell him I'm hiring a PI, and lay it out that if he's telling the truth, there's nothing to worry about, right?


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

Sadfiancee, If you play dumb and say you overreacted, how happy will that make you? How will that satisfy your worries?? How can that possibly help you??? Answer: IT CAN'T! That is a ridiculous thing to do, especially since this is bothering you so much. You're going to enter into a MARRIAGE soon. You need to be able to discuss these things up front with your fiancee and not sweep them under the rug! C'mon! Get with it! 

My recommendation is to do more surveillance, get HARD EVIDENCE of his inappropriate behavior, and confront him with it. Watch him like a hawk. Make sure you know where he is at all times, and if he goes someplace else... then you know he's lying. Monitor his Facebook, his emails, his browsing history, his phone records. Stay on it! 

A private investigator will probably cost you some big $$$, but if that will help you, go ahead and do it. Good luck!


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## sadfiancee (Jan 8, 2013)

Well, I confronted him. It was hard not to crumple into a sobbing ball of tears. I don't know what I was thinking pretending to play dumb.

He right away admitted he lied about just reading news on that site. Says he looks at pictures, too. Embarrassed to admit he does but as he's older he needs to do it to get himself in the mood he says.

I told him porn was the least of my worries, what with him messaging a prostitute and all. For an hour he kept denying he knew her, then finally caved and admitted he'd "heard of her." I didn't really grasp the severity of that revelation until just a bit ago, as it came after an hour of me sobbing and I guess I was all cried out. 

So to keep track of where we are, he knew of her, but she was a stranger when he messaged her. I don't know about you but "where've you been, long time no see" doesn't sound like an introduction.

I'm bracing myself for the big reveal but dear God, I don't know if I can handle it.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Something that I've recently discovered is on Facebook, you can find out what he searches for. You login to his account, click to his profile like you are viewing it, click on "activity log" on the left hand corner it should say something about searches under likes, comments, posts etc, sometimes you have to hit, "more." That's how I found out about my then fiancé looking at skanky women. Also, if you have a gmail account, and google is your main search engine, log in to your account, then go back to google.com type in google dashboard and go all the way down to web searches to find out what he searches for on the web and or the google images he looks for, to look at history on the computer such ad websites click alt + h and that brings up the history, hope this helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

My dashboard doesn't show web searches. Where exactly is it? I have my email, chats, photos etc


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

If you're not married you're wasting your time, if your're married and don't have kids you're still wasting your time. Leave him


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

He's still lying and only telling you what he thinks you need to know based on what he thinks you already know.

The only way you're going to get information is to go around him and pull it out of his phone, computer, etc. but at this point why even bother? He's just a boyfriend you can get out of this mess much easier now then when you got 3 little ones running around.

He's not going to suddenly be honest and faithful.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need not get tested for STDs. There is a very high chance that he's been doing more than just looking.

You could install a keylogger but you know what he's doing.

If you contemplate him staying with him you should consider some things like telling him that you will only stay with him if he will agree to complete transparency. This is one of the things that he needs to do to prove to you that he can be trusted.

This means:

You have access to all of his online accounts. 

He allows you to install a keylogger on his computer, one that sends all data files to an email account that you control or a website. This way he cannot delete the files. This does not mean that you will read everything he does... but you can spot check. He would have to write you a notorized letter authorizing you to do this so you are covered legally. 

You also should have access to his cell phone and the bill.

If you do not want to do this then just leave him. He will continue what he's doing.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

sadfiancee said:


> Well I tried to install the keylogger posted above and it didn't work. It ran into some issue, was asking me to right-click (how the hell do you right-click on a Mac?) so I gave up, deleting the file I downloaded via emptying the trash.
> 
> Almost quitting time and I have to go home and face him. Not sure what to do. Play dumb and say I overreacted as someone suggested, so I can do more surveillance? Or just tell him I'm hiring a PI, and lay it out that if he's telling the truth, there's nothing to worry about, right?


 Where do you live? If you live in the same town I do. You can bring it to me and I will do it.. But you probably live no where near me =(
You also may want to find an deleted file recovery program, a key logger will only see the present, but the other one will let you see what they have been doing since they have gotten the computer, even if it has been wiped clean. I just don't know all that much about MAC computers all windows here. I will look around and see what i can find for mac's and post it here.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

If he uses a mac, use this one:

Mac Keylogger. Download REFOG Keylogger for Mac and other keylogging software.

Download the free trial version for the keylogger.
I used it for months (free) and it worked very nicely.

It's password protected, so he won't be able to know a thing.
It takes screenshots of every new web site visited.
It copies any text entered on the keyboard.

Pretty nifty. 

You confronted him WAY too early... so now
installing this on his computer is a must.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*You need to get tested for stds and aids asap.*


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why are you bothering with all this? You have more than enough proof that he's not someone that you should consider a long term relationship with. Everything else is just fluff. 

Maybe if he would consider relationship counselling and coming completely clean with you. And becoming totally transparent with you, with regards to all communication. But even then, it takes only minutes to open a new email or Facebook account...

C


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

daggeredheart said:


> My dashboard doesn't show web searches. Where exactly is it? I have my email, chats, photos etc


https://www.google.com/dashboard/

go all the way down to -
Web History




Web History: Enabled for searches only



Web


Most recent: dashboard at 8:02 AM


click on "web" and another window will pop up.


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## sadfiancee (Jan 8, 2013)

Thank you all for your feedback. And shootingstar, thank you for reminding me of FB saved searches. I got on there first thing this morning (he gave me all his passwords) and yup, there were searches for a woman I'd never heard of. And the woman he first claimed to have not known, and told me he hadn't thought about in months, he searched around Christmas time. Fortunately they were the only two I could find and there are no messages to either. It appears he just likes looking at their pictures.

However, I am agreeing to counseling at this point. Why am I bothering you may ask? Because I love him. Because we've been together for years and you just don't throw that away. He thinks he has a porn addiction. 

I do kinda-sorta believe him when he says he's just looked, not touched. Looking at photos of prostitutes but actually getting in your car and driving to the rough part of town, where, around here, you'd stand a very good chance of being shot or arrested, is another animal entirely. 

But I'm not stupid. I realize as he's giving me all his passwords there may be an email account I don't know about, or another FB page. Which is why I definitely will install a keylogger. Is there a way to chat on here? I'd like to attempt it tonight but I may need help from someone who knows what they're doing.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

His fetish for prostitues... Not good. That is something you can never satisfy. You really need to think this one through. Love can't conquer all.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Go read Your brain on Porn website_ 
Red flags, how is the sex life with you? Is he generally inexperienced with women?


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*First you need to stop thinking about the past years. If a person wants to cheat on you, they will find away. Sorry you can now love a cheater to death . Please go get yourself tested for stds and aids. You already found him to have lied twice about this issue. He was looking for this same woman at both locations. You might need to check his bank account for missing funds. He may have a few new charges to companies unknown to you. He is just going to get better at hiding it. I wish you the best of luck with this issue. *


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Hicks said:


> His fetish for prostitues... Not good. That is something you can never satisfy. You really need to think this one through. Love can't conquer all.


:iagree:


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