# Do I deserve better even though she said its my loss?



## Usy777 (Dec 6, 2021)

Me and my gf broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy, I know it was the right decision but I just want some advice on how to keep myself motivated whilst I'm in the healing process.

I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed. When we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off.

She ended up getting divorced a year after her marriage, she did admit to having a few relationships afterwards. We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage.

And when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure).

I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything which I thought was childish, this was a month ago and now she seemed to unblocked me but she hasn't got in touch.

I do miss her but I just want to heal and move on cos I know she's not good for me, and to help myself heal I am planning to stay away from relationships for a while and to do this I am planning on putting more focus on to my career (currently IT graduate, planning to advance my career by undertaking more software engineering certificates to enhance my career). I have also joined the gym now as another way to heal and improve mentally & physically and to keep myself busy.

We had an argument a few weeks before the break up in which she said "if we ever break up, it will be your loss". At that moment in time, I actually felt worthless and believed her when she said it would be my loss because I thought I didnt deserve better but now I realise I do and that I rather stay single than to be involved with someone like her.

How do I keep myself motivated in the healing process and knowing that I deserve better?


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Usy777 said:


> it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy


She's a trainwreck. Go listen to (read) The Unplugged Alpha by Rich Cooper and The Rational Male (books 1 and 2) by Rollo Tomassi.

Just keep doing what you are doing, a few years from now she'll probably have multiple kids from multiple guys and you'll be laughing at the idea that at one time you actually wanted to be with her. Remember, as a guy it doesn't get any easier, we just have to get better.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Usy777 said:



I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed.

Click to expand...

*Honestly, I stopped reading after I saw this.

She willfully, purposefully *LIED *to your face for 6 months and you actually took this low life BACK?

She's no better than the con man who befriends someone and then steals every last penny from them. No different. She's scum.

OP, you seriously need to respect yourself more.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

While with her, it was fun, while it lasted.

You will end up lasting, she will end up, miserable or alone, last in line.

Our beauty is short lived, however, our pride and dignity can last forever.

She seems to have only one trump card.

She appears as that Ace or bedroom Queen, but taking a closer look, she is a rag-eared, well worn, Joker. 

Wile not for her.



_Lilith-_


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Usy777 said:


> How do I keep myself motivated in the healing process and knowing that I deserve better?


By doing exactly what you're doing. Gym, career, seek successes. And stay away from toxic people like her.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Usy777 said:


> Me and my gf broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy, I know it was the right decision but I just want some advice on how to keep myself motivated whilst I'm in the healing process.
> 
> I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed. When we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off.
> 
> ...


She found another guy.
She saved you a lot of trouble in the long run.
You have a chance to enjoy your life instead of being a supplicant.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Sorry, but I don't understand why anyone would have to heal from getting out of a highly toxic relationship in which you were unhappy. You should be singing from the roof tops. Think what a train wreck your life would have been if you had married this skank. You dodged a bullet. Go forth and be happy.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diceplayer said:


> Sorry, but I don't understand why anyone would have to heal from getting out of a highly toxic relationship in which you were unhappy. You should be singing from the roof tops. Think what a train wreck your life would have been if you had married this skank. You dodged a bullet. Go forth and be happy.


You call her a skank, I call her a narcissist skunk.

She needs to remain single.

She seems determined to re-marry.
I find that odd.

Maybe, she is (more about) fleecing men; as many as she can seduce.

I doubt it is only sex, she is after, but rather those other comforting frills ($$$) that come with LTR's.

Yes, she does need to be in the limelight, the center of men's desire.


_L-_


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Diceplayer said:


> Sorry, but *I don't understand why anyone would have to heal from getting out of a highly toxic relationship in which you were unhappy*. You should be singing from the roof tops. Think what a train wreck your life would have been if you had married this skank. You dodged a bullet. Go forth and be happy.


read what he says:



Usy777 said:


> We had an argument a few weeks before the break up in which she said "if we ever break up, it will be your loss". *At that moment in time, I actually felt worthless and believed her when she said it* *would be my loss because I thought I didnt deserve better *but now I realise I do and that I rather stay single than to be involved with someone like her.


This is your typical low self-esteem individual. A guy that most likely doesn't have enough experience with women. Just the fact the took her back (an immoral cheating individual) after being used while she was engaged to someone else, says it all. He probably doesn't think that he can do better than that. I bet that he never even thought of or exposed her to her Fiancé that she was two timing him. Another sign that OP is missing in the balls department.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You don’t need relationship advice. What you need is to figure out is how is it that you can value yourself so little that you would allow something like this in your life. It almost sounds like you are pining away at the loss of her .... good grief !!!!! She is a total piece of garbage. Leave her in the dumpster where she belongs.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Usy777 I think counselling and self-hypnosis will be of benefit for you. Something to think about for the New Year.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> @Usy777 I think counselling and self-hypnosis will be of benefit for you. Something to think about for the New Year.


Self hypnosis, that is something I have sparse knowledge of.

Is this some form of meditation?



_L-_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> Self hypnosis, that is something I have sparse knowledge of.
> 
> Is this some form of meditation?
> 
> ...


Sort of. This explains the basic concepts Self Hypnosis: What It Is & How to Do It


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear Usy777,

In the process you have undertaken, I would like to have you do some serious introspection on two topics. The first is how you could have had a woman lie to you to such an extreme (she was engaged but wanted to date you) lie and then later marry her? Second you need to learn how to listen to and believe what women tell you if it is true.

Let me explain. She lied to you. That is why the two of you broke up. You knew she was capable of the most horrendous of lies. And yet, years later when she wanted you, you believed her. I find it hard to believe that you could trust her without lots of time and consistent actions on her part.

Next from your post, it sounds like you tried to establish boundaries on her "being too close" to other guys. She was not accepting your boundaries. Perhaps you should have established those boundaries when the two of you became serious with each other. However, you didn't and when you complained later, she told you she didn't care and she would continue to be open with other men. At that point you should have listened to her, believed her, and figured out what your limits were.. Even if she told you what you wanted to hear, her past dishonesty should have made you skeptical. 

Include some time to figure out what relationship warning signs you missed or purposely ignored.

Good luck.


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## Vassieem (Dec 19, 2021)

Usy777 said:


> Me and my gf broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy, I know it was the right decision but I just want some advice on how to keep myself motivated whilst I'm in the healing process.
> 
> I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed. When we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off.
> 
> ...


It's her loss. Trust me you are saving your self a lot if heart break in the future. It's good you are taking the time to focus on yourself. That is the best thing you can do. Gym awesome!! Build uo that mental game and improve that self confidence. And congrats with the schooling she really missed out. Just remember to focus on yourself and you will know when thr right time is. Oh and you block her on everything so she doesn't randomly pop up.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I have a recommendation for you. Eliminate the word "deserve" from your thoughts. It's a child's word. Don't ask what you deserve, ask what you _want_. Who is it that you want to become?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> I have a recommendation for you. Eliminate the word "deserve" from your thoughts. It's a child's word. Don't ask what you deserve, ask what you _want_. Who is it that you want to become?


Masculinity is a choice in life. 
Every male can choose to be more so.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Self pride can go a long way towards helping you.
Read Glover's book: No More Mr. Nice Guy.
A Dog doesn't deserve to be treated the way you were treated.
All you lost was a gaslighting female pup.
Look at it this way: The trash took itself out.
The good news: You aren't the ex husband.


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