# First timer here...Embarrassed my wife in front of her family.



## ExcelonGT (Jun 8, 2012)

I never thought I would "air my laundry" on a forum like this, but I really could use some advise because my wife is PISSED at me. 

Been married exactly 1 year (we are both 29, dated for years before marrying). We celebrated our 1 year Anniv with a Caribbean vacation last week (which was fantastic!). The day after we got back from vaca, we had a wedding to go to. The wedding was for family on my wife's side and all her family was there. We were staying at my in-laws for the weekend. Generally, my in-laws love me and we have a great relationship.

We were all having a great time at the wedding, but me and my wife's cousins (all 20, 30 somethings) were drinking especially hard. it was safe to say things were getting pretty sloppy towards the end of the night, especially me and my wife's cousin's Husband (guy my age also married into the family). 
I woke up the next morning in my in-laws house. I had blacked out and couldn't remember anything after dessert. My wife asked me if I remembered last night. I told her honestly that i couldn't remember anything after dessert. she proceeds to tell me that on the car ride home with her family, i was saying things about how I "hate being married to her" and how "my life is miserable" and how "being married to her is like being in hell"

I was shocked to hear this, and couldn't believe it because i have NO IDEA where this would come from. I thought I was very happily married, with a good job, and good life. I don't have drinking problems, and have a great social circle. I do have history of sometimes getting "angry drunk" (only a few times in my life) but I've never done anything to offend my wife like this. 
We spent the entire next day at my In-laws and they were acting completely normal, everything ****** dory. 

A week has gone by, and today my wife send me a long text saying how upset she is about this, especially because i embarrassed her in front of her family (who she is really close to), and that I never gave her a real apology. and how she feels like i take her for granted and she thinks i really am unhappy with her.

I really don't know how to react to this. I'm definitely not unhappy in my marriage. i wouldn't say my marriage is 100% perfect. I mean my only wishes are probably the same as every normal husband (wishes for more sex, and that their wives spend less $). 

My birthday is tomorrow and my wife is planning an awesome BBQ at the house with all my friends. I had already told her how much i appreciate her doing all this. 

what should i do? Should i get her flowers and hope she cools down?


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Here's what I would do.....

Schedule some time to sit down and talk with her AND everyone that was in the car with you that night.
Apologize to all, let them know your true feelings, and let them know that you will try to not EVER let your drinking get to that point again.

Good luck.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> A week has gone by, and today my wife send me a long text saying how upset she is about this, especially because i embarrassed her in front of her family (who she is really close to), and that I never gave her a real apology. and how she feels like i take her for granted and she thinks i really am unhappy with her


.

You let a week go by without apologizing to her or her family?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Whatever you do, DO NOT drink at your birthday party. Maybe nurse a single beer the whole night so you don't look like you're not having fun but for God sake don't get drunk.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

expose yourself hard

lift up your shirt and expose that pink belly of yours and tell them how deeply remorseful you are and how embarrassed you are that you exhibited such harmful behavior, do not use the alcohol as an excuse. Write it down and be sincere and do it in front of everyone who bore witness to the ugly scene you created


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

ExcelonGT said:


> I woke up the next morning in my in-laws house. I had blacked out and couldn't remember anything after dessert. My wife asked me if I remembered last night. I told her honestly that i couldn't remember anything after dessert. she proceeds to tell me that on the car ride home with her family, i was saying things about how I "hate being married to her" and how "my life is miserable" and how "being married to her is like being in hell"
> 
> I was shocked to hear this, and couldn't believe it because i have NO IDEA where this would come from.
> I do have history of sometimes getting "angry drunk"
> ...


First you should do exactly as she asks. Apologize. Make sure she doesn't feel taken for granted. Make sure she knows you are not unhappy with her.

I hate to be the one to say it but you've got a drinking problem. Blacking out and saying stuff like this is seriously bad and if you continue drinking too much things will only get worse. Drinking to drunkenness is a choice and it can have some serious consequences.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

She said she wants a real apology.

And you came on here to say you don't know what to do?

Give her a real apology. Give her family a real apology. And cut down on the sauce.


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## ExcelonGT (Jun 8, 2012)

I already apologized to the present family. thankfully it was just her cousins and we all met up for dinner a couple of nights ago. and told them that my words were out of no where and I really love their cousin (my wife). They sincerely accepted the apology

Im going to make amends with my wife the second she walks in the door from work. 

as for promising not to get drunk again...that would just be lying. I'm not going to make a promise that i know i can't keep. Over the years, I've learned be a responsible enough adult when I drink, so that Im not putting myself or anyone else in danger

thanks everyone for your help


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

An apology is all you can do.

I`d also do some serious introspection on how I really feel about my life as it`s my experience that alcohol is an uninhibitor which allows us to do and say what we fear to do and say without it.

Point is find out how much truth was in your drunken rant because that **** doesn`t just come out of no where no matter how drunk you are.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, you clearly put your marriage in danger, so you might want to rethink that "I've learned to be a responsible adult when I drink" shtick.

And no, I'm not a tee-totaler, so don't dismiss me on that account. I also have done stupid things when tipsy, so I know whereof I speak. You're on the borderline, my friend.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

@Tacoma, so true. What's said drunk is thought sober.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

tacoma said:


> An apology is all you can do.
> 
> I`d also do some serious introspection on how I really feel about my life as it`s my experience that alcohol is an inhibitor which allows us to do and say what we fear to do and say without it.
> 
> Point is find out how much truth was in your drunken rant because that **** doesn`t just come out of no where no matter how drunk you are.


:iagree:

They don't call it liquid courage for nothing.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

I would sit down with her and explain how you really didn't mean what you said and how much you truly love her (I am sure she is hurt by the word you said, so re-assure her of your love by saying it and doing something really nice for her). Apologize to her for getting so drunk and out of control, apologize to her for emberassing her in front of her family.Tell her you should have given a real apology when it first happened to her and her family. Promise her (and live up to it) that you won’t ever get so drunk again.

Also do bring her flowers, flowers are a good way to sort of melt some of that anger away, and ask her if there is anything you can do to make up for what you did. Giver her big hug and kiss and DON’T ever get that drunk again, worse things could have happened, and it’s NEVER good to black out, because most people do thing they would never say/do.
I would sit down with her and explain how you really didn't mean what you said and how much you truly love her (I am sure she is hurt by the word you said, so re-assure her of your love by saying it and doing something really nice for her). Apologize to her for getting so drunk and out of control, apologize to her for emberassing her in front of her family.Tell her you should have given a real apology when it first happened to her and her family. Promise her (and live up to it) that you won’t ever get so drunk again.

Also do bring her flowers, flowers are a good way to sort of melt some of that anger away, and ask her if there is anything you can do to make up for what you did. Giver her big hug and kiss and DON’T ever get that drunk again, worse things could have happened, and it’s NEVER good to black out, because most people do thing they would never say/do.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

tacoma said:


> An apology is all you can do.
> 
> I`d also do some serious introspection on how I really feel about my life as it`s my experience that alcohol is an uninhibitor which allows us to do and say what we fear to do and say without it.
> 
> Point is find out how much truth was in your drunken rant because that **** doesn`t just come out of no where no matter how drunk you are.


^^this also. Most people also have some truth in what they say/do when they get drunk, make sure there aren't deeper problems running, and if there are than it's time to address them.


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