# Husband or new guy



## Wowqueen (May 20, 2017)

Hello, here again posting after almost a year of difficulty. 
My STBXH is now wanting to work on things when I tried for almost a year. We separated 6 months ago and I met someone else. I have been very committed to this new person and we have had sex etc. My STBXH is freaking out because he notices I am officially 100% done. 
The thing is, I still have feelings for my ex but in my mind the right thing isn't to go back. The new guy is awesome overall. I have known him for almost 2 years and we never imagined we would be where we are. And there is no bad past. So what would you all do?! 
Thanks!

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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

You need to make a decision and let one of them down.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Wowqueen said:


> My STBXH is now wanting to work on things when I tried for almost a year.


Day late and a couple dollars short



Wowqueen said:


> My STBXH is freaking out because he notices I am officially 100% done.


Because you are no longer his plan B



Wowqueen said:


> The thing is, I still have feelings for my ex but in my mind *the right thing isn't to go back.*


And there you have your answer


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I went back and reviewed some of your old posts. All I can say is Yowzah!!!! 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=380898

Why in the world would you want to take back a husband like the one you describe in the post above? The only reason he wants you back is because he's a selfish narcissist who can't stand the idea of someone else enjoying what he considers his property. 

Time to stop looking back and start looking forward. Your question shouldn't be "husband or new guy"? It should be "alone or new guy"? Your stbx should not even be a choice. 


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Does this new guy know? Do you want to start off a new relationship pining off of the bad one you had before? Do you think that makes you a particularly good choice to this new guy? He has invested some time in you now, don't you feel some responsibility to that? What kind of partner are you going to be?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I reread your old thread. Your husband never valued you. He was not loyal. He even used you for sec while seeing another woman.

I wouldn't go back to him. He'll find another e cause that his unhappiness that will inevitably come, is all your fault.

Also, he's a gamer. I don't have a lot of respect for "gamers". 
It will go south if you go back.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

You did the ex husband thing already, right? How did that work out for you? Why the hell would you want to do that again.

Move forward, not backwards.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

You’ve heard the saying...going back to an ex makes about as much sense a trying to put a turd back in your butt.

In this story your ex played the role of both the butt and the turd. Not a double feature I would recommend.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*What's remotely wrong with just waiting out the divorce before messing around again?*


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Old Jewish wisdom for you........ "the only thing that is good warmed up is cabbage" 
Never try and warm up an old relationship, especially a bad one.

All the best to you.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Wowqueen said:


> Hello, here again posting after almost a year of difficulty.
> My STBXH is now wanting to work on things when I tried for almost a year. We separated 6 months ago and I met someone else. I have been very committed to this new person and we have had sex etc. My STBXH is freaking out because he notices I am officially 100% done.
> The thing is, I still have feelings for my ex but in my mind the right thing isn't to go back. The new guy is awesome overall. I have known him for almost 2 years and we never imagined we would be where we are. And there is no bad past. So what would you all do?!
> Thanks!
> ...


Why did you and your STBXH plit. He is your STBX for a reason, no? Remember those reasons. It appears to me that your STBXH wants you because someone else wants you too. 'The dog with the bone syndrome" Be very careful about throwing away what you have with this new man.
It appears to be a no brainer.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Lila said:


> I went back and reviewed some of your old posts. All I can say is Yowzah!!!!
> 
> Lila did OUR homework, thanks!
> 
> ...


Don't you dare dare dump the 'known' good man for a known selfish schlub.

Wait til the divorce is final, the dust is settled and then look at your' present situation.

The new guy is great, no baggage, sex is good. The rest will fall in line or it won't. Give the new guy time.
Give the old guy, the STBXH, no time. No time of day.

You are still the same loyal wife and women as before, you still have twinges of love for the old guy. Who would not? At least some warm feelings.

Old memories take a while, not to die, but to be properly processed and re-weighed, re-positioned, re-evaluated.
Old memories with your 'bum of a husband' will be properly assessed in a few years. Do not overweight the good, leaving the heavy baggage out. 
Out, forgotten and unaccounted for.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Definitely new guy.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

My vote goes to the new guy. If that fails, don't go back to ex. Stay away from ex.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

DO NOT go back to the STBX.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm not sure why you're asking...because it sounds like you already know the answer.

New guy, new chance, new life. Let the past die...especially if it tried to kill part of you.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

New Guy or No Guy.

I would hope reconciliation for anybody. However, you specifically state that you believe the only reason he wants to try again is because he has realized you have moved on. That is so weak of your STBXH. 

So give the new guy a shot. I wouldn't tell him anything about considering to get back with your ex. Keep it cool and keep it simple with the new guy and don't be afraid to get rid of the new guy and have no guy if things start looking not so good with the new guy. 


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I haven't read all of your back posts, but I've read enough. Why would you even consider going back to a man like that? Things may be better for a short period of time, but leopards never change their spots; eventually it will revert to the same relationship is was before. And it sounds like he only wants you back because you've started to move on.

For you, whether or not you're seeing someone new is completely irrelevant. If you need the new guy to justify not going back to your STBXH, then I think you may need to do a little more work on yourself, and get a little more self-respect. You deserve more than what your STBXH is offering.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *What's remotely wrong with just waiting out the divorce before messing around again?*


Oh, flag, abate....... you Old' Rancher!

Let him have fun.


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