# A little advice year old event



## MrDude (Jun 21, 2010)

Hi all, I have been lurking for a few months not feeling the need to post, but the time has come. I have been following mostly a couple threads because they read so similar to mine.

Long story short, my wife had an affair with a guy in the army. I found out about 4 months affter that she had slept with him. Like many, After finding out I did all the wrong things before I started (hopefully) doing things right, by following advice to others posts. I have been working on myself, and trying meet her needs. She is still holding on to the rope of something being there even though she knows intelectually there is nothing at the other end, but emotionally hopes there is. I think, and pray, this is fading. She says she is trying to work things out between us, but admits she is not in 100%. We talk alot more than we have in a long time, maybe ever. Decisions are being made together for the most part. We actually have a good time together when we do things.

Here is where I need some help/advice. It was 1 year ago this weekend that she slept with him. I have been able to hold it together, but I can feel the anxiety building and feeling sick to my stomach as THAT weekend gets closer. Any suggestions on getting through this next week or so.

Thanks,
Dude


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Your "Antiversary" is what it is called. My suggestion is to avoid the subject like the plague. Emotions will be running high, and a discussion about the event would be bad for your healing. If it does come up, tell her that you don't want to talk about it for a month. Do lots of fun things together. Try to reclaim the weekend from the affair, so next year you won't be as freaked out about the date coming up. Have lots of sex. BUT NO DRINKING!!!! The chance for you to get in a fight about it, is to great. You need to keep your wits about you. JMHO.


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## MrDude (Jun 21, 2010)

Thanks, Drinking will not be a problem. She doesn't and I buy a six pack and it lasts me 2 or 3 months at least.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

MrDude, I've heard that most of our problems are how we choose to look at our problems. I know you must have been devastated last year when you found out about this affair. Now the one year "anniversary" is coming up. Your whole body and soul probably have stored memories of how you felt and what a traumatic time that was for you. But it's a year later and realistically this anniversary could be pointing to -

One year of having the opportunity to recreate a better relationship with your wife.

One year later and the two of you are together.

How about you plan a surprise, a week-end trip if possible or romantic dinner and a movie, or whatever you think the two of you enjoy together. Spend that night celebrating with her and stay focused on TODAY, not the past which you can't do anything about anyway.

I know that might be challenging, but your power is in the present moment, and this "anniversary" doesn't have to be about all bad things.

What are you going to choose to do?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there,
I wouldn't take any steps backwards, it sounds like the two of you are working towards a better connection and meeting each others needs.....
When you start to think of what happened, stop and start thinking about the good things you two have done or spoken about since that day.....
Slowly you should be able to replace the bad memories with good ones.....
You can't change the past, you can control the now and hope for a good future.......
I know it's hard, I have the same issues......if we keep hanging on to the past we wouldn't and can't move forward.....life isn't perfect try to just enjoy the now and your wife now......


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