# Just need a place to dump my thoughts on everything



## photon269 (Aug 17, 2011)

Hope it's not too boring to do this here.

I've talked to therapists, been through that and know what things I should be doing - like probably trying some forms of medication for depression, but for some reason they frighten me. I don't like the idea. But they do seem so common these days, maybe they'd help. I need a change in attitude. Everything is a mess, although on the outside it might appear everything should be fine it's really not.

I'm gainfully employed, in a job I enjoy, married to a woman that loves me, that I love, with two healthy smart kids, with a nice home. But there is where the issues start. My home inside is a cluttered disaster. Neither my stay at home wife nor me does much in the way of keeping the house in order. I've basically given up trying. It may sound like I'm pointing fingers at her, but I can't help it. Her office, almost impassible now. And the times in the past that I've tried to clean it up it starts fights because I'm not putting stuff in the right places. Or throwing away the wrong things. Or filing things incorrectly. The kitchen counters, always covered with 'stuff'. I've tried in the past to keep up with things, but lately I've just given up - in an attempt to see how far it will go. She spends so very much time on her iPad - on Facebook, playing games. And I'm such a weakling for not fighting with her more often to make it change. I hate fighting and hate the stress. (Yes, I know this is also stress) But I've tried the fights, too, and we'll have the fight , things may change for a week, but then they'll just go back to the way they were. We're both battling some for of depression I'm almost certain. I'm just more aware of it. She'll never want to admit or talk about it. The one time we both spoke to a therapist together it was a disaster. We got sidetracked about paying bills and that turned into me opening them so she can pay them. So now whenever the bills don't get paid on time it's my fault. And we get calls from bill collectors. Because she won't pay med bills without the med card from work which runs out often - but that money is nothing special; not pre-tax or anything, it's just money put in from my employer quarterly. But I cannot get it through to her. So I need to begin doing the bills myself, really. One less job for her. BUT now I can't bring this up right now as a good friend of mine has asked me for some help to get him through a separation. Me taking over the bills at this moment will obviously be interpreted as something to do with that.

And I feel I have no place to talk about all this stuff. My friends all have their own problems and I'm sure are tired of hearing it, I certainly am not going to mention my true emotional state on something like Facebook (which she's on all the time) and I have very few real friends around anyhow. This is all bottled up inside me all the time. There's a good reason my blood pressure is now being regulated with meds.

It's sad that I know what I need to do - exercise, clean my house, stand up for myself, talk to a therapist, try meds, but nothing gets done. I don't change. Day in and day out I stay the same. The other morning I finally made love to my wife after weeks of rejection and I cried afterward. How pathetic. All I wanted was to be with her in that way during our holiday vacation to Florida maybe once, but it never happened. How can she think all is well when I tell her it's not and it seems so obvious that it's not? I know, denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Wow, that was probably pretty incoherent and just felt like a memory dump. Sorry about that, but this all hurts like a mofo.


----------



## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

Books for you: No More Mr Nice Guy (NMMNG), Mindful Action Plan (MAP or MMSLP)

Books for both: His Needs Her Needs, The 5 Love Languages

I would recommend at least one of the "for you" books above first to help you set boundaries and get control of yourself. After making those changes you can then try one of the "for both" books to do as a couple.

For depression meds aren't bad in the short term. I took Zoloft for depression caused by low T before. Worked pretty good. It can lower your libido some. Wellbutrin won't, if that is a problem.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MrHappy said:


> Books for you: No More Mr Nice Guy (NMMNG), Mindful Action Plan (MAP or MMSLP)
> 
> Books for both: His Needs Her Needs, The 5 Love Languages
> 
> ...


Anything that lowers T or sex-drive is not an option in this man.


----------



## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

treyvion said:


> Anything that lowers T or sex-drive is not an option in this man.


No. The depression was caused by low T which was caused by thyroid problem. Took it for a short time until thyroid was fixed which in turn fixed low T which fixed depression.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MrHappy said:


> No. The depression was caused by low T which was caused by thyroid problem. Took it for a short time until thyroid was fixed which in turn fixed low T which fixed depression.



Congrats, sounds like you squared that problem away.

The act of having sex for a man is a life enhancer. It increases feelings of well being, accumulates feelings of masculinity, is said to raise T levels, and will raise the sex drive. With sex in your life, LIFE JUST FLOWS SO MUCH BETTER.


----------



## photon269 (Aug 17, 2011)

No More Mr Nice Guy was an eye-opener.

I related to a lot of that book. What I need to do is put its suggestions into action. I've especially tried lowering my thermostat and that has helped some - but that really hasn't changed anything other than to make me feel like she's quite happy with less attention in that area. (That kinda hurts a little)
I wonder if a lower libido in me would be better sometimes. Just forget about all that stuff.


----------

