# Opinions Please



## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

We have been in R for 2 1/2 years. There are no signs that FWH is doing anything to jeopardize that. However I have a sore spot and I need a few opinions.

In case you don't know the story FWH has an A with his best friend's wife. Best friend wanted D but couldn't afford one so he encouraged the A and helped them hide it. When we R I of course demanded NC with her and I also demanded NC with her husband.

It took 6 long months to get them out of our lives. Every time I turned around they found a way in. Then it stopped. Until May of this year. That's when the ex-bf found out about my FWH Linkedin account because of a mutual work friend. That's when the messages started again. No the OW didn't send any. Her tactic toward the end was to have her husband tell my FWH how distraught she was, how much she loved him, how he should call her, how he wouldn't tell. I don't want this man to have access to us! There is no way to block him on Linkedin and my FWH is looking for a new job and needs the connections. He showed me every message. He hid nothing. Not even the one that went to his work email.

My problem is that I'm really angry and want it to stop. I'm tired of thinking I can move on only to have one of them pop their miserable little heads back into my life. FWH says delete the messages, ignore them and they will get the idea. He doesn't want anything to do with them. However, I am angry that he doesn't stand up to this piece of crap and tell him that it is him and not me that is deleting the messages and to leave us the hell alone for the rest of our lives. He knows what it does to me but says I should just ignore it. It isn't a matter of him trying to reconnect. I know that, I'm not stupid enough to not be watching things. It is a matter of his disregard for my feelings.

What do you think? Am I being unreasonable or what?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Congrats on your R. It sounds like your FWH (I'm having a hard time working out this particular abbreviation?) is really dedicated to you and making this work.

It sounds to me like he doesn't want to ruffle any feathers or have any confrontations, especially considering that he's looking for a new job and doesn't want to jeopardize any possible new position.

That being said, you have every right to be upset with these messages that are coming in - but you can't really do anything about it. I think your FWH's response is correct - just ignore them, and they will eventually go away. And he's doing the right thing by keeping you in the loop and making sure that you know what's been going on. 

You can't control what these other people do, you can only control your reaction to their behavior, but they can't start anything if you don't respond, can they? So trust your FWH, ignore the messages, and they will eventually stop. 

Keep record of them, and if they do get bad enough, you could possible file charges of harassment, but I would try to stay away from that if you can.

And just know that you are the better person for NOT responding. Remember, you're the prize!


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