# Confused feelings around reconciling



## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

After 2 years of continuous fighting about the same issues without change and a month of couple's therapy, I filed divorce papers. I filed because I tried my best, and need to let go of my dreams and move on to a more loving life.

We've been together 18 years, married for 16. I quit drinking in 2012, and want a lifestyle with minimal or no drinking where I feel free to be me. I've changed, and am working hard to restore my self-esteem, confidence, and love for life. He has been very vocal about how he wants me to change back, and I will not. 

In December of last year, he agreed to moderate his drinking and aim to be a more loving and supportive partner. By March, I was feeling much better and in the flow, but he started saying that our relationship was going down the tubes, and he didn't feel like himself. Totally different pages!

By June, I set an ultimatum for myself - if he won't change or even try, I need to walk away. He said it was ridiculous of me to ask him to moderate his drinking and his way of treating me. And he was right - I can't rely on him changing, but I can rely on me. 

Today, 2 weeks into the divorce process, he said the finality of divorce has woken him up, and that he doesn't want to lose me. He said he'll moderate his drinking and go to marriage counseling and to an individual therapist if that is recommended. We decided we will still keep the divorce on the table, and we are both wondering if we'll just repeat what happened between December and March. 

He already kissed me,& asked if we could make love. I have reservations. I love the man very much, and want our new relationship to blossom. I just wonder if it's possible.


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

I told him my truth- I am not ready to be intimate right away, and that I can be a friendly housemate for now until we get into therapy and talk about what our reconciliation can look like.

He said he expected us to be making love in the next week or two and that he sees I'm playing him and that I got cold feet about being open to a reconciliation. 

He stomped off and stopped talking to me for the rest of the night. I take it he had a short window for reconciliation.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Actions speak louder than words.

Sounds like he needs to deal with his demons before all aspects of your relationship can begin again.

Stay strong,
Stretch


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