# How do I confront an extremely selfish husband?



## doctor is in (Dec 8, 2012)

My husband has ED issues. He refuses to wear a condom claiming he's too sensitive and can't feel anything, so each sex act tends to end up in me giving him head for ages to get him off. He himself spends 30 seconds to a minute taking care of me. Not nearly enough to help me cum or even turn me on enough so I finish during intercourse. I brought this up to him before, and he said "and do it what for an hour?" He uses excuses like women get wet and it gets messy, and that it's different for men because they get blue balls, they have to finish during sex otherwise its painful, and its not like that for women. I had nothing to say to that, I was just completely astonished. On a separate occasion I brought up the fact that he didn't seem involved in my pleasure and each time sex seemed like a race to him. He got extremely upset and offended, saying how he doesn't know how he can have sex with me ever again (lol, right), acting like I said he was terrible or something, which was not what I was implying. I was treading as lightly as I could. I haven't brought it up since then because i honestly absolutely hate arguments and I don't take them very well. It makes me nervous and distracted, besides, i have chronic anxiety and depression so that makes it a thousand times worse, it's a huge trigger. For my own well being I kept quiet about this for a while, but I need to find a way to get it through to him that I want change without setting off too much bullcrap that will follow. Any advice?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Make him please you first before you begin to work on pleasing him. Once many of us guys cum it's game over for a while...both physically and mentally. When we're still horny we'll do pretty much anything.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Make him please you first before you begin to work on pleasing him. Once many of us guys cum it's game over for a while...both physically and mentally. When we're still horny we'll do pretty much anything.


I echo those sentiments. Make him go down on her or bring a vibrator into it so that she gets off or close to it before he puts it in.

I find it weird that he cares about the mess that comes with a woman getting wet. Her wetness is a sign that she is into him. I would think that he would want that. 

Assure him that you want him and not just the sex. Maybe say that you want just a bit more of him. You do not just want the climax of the movie but also the start of the story of as well, figuratively speaking.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yikes! Chronic anxiety and depression combined with a husband who is a selfish lover.

You gotta tell him what you want, how you want it and how long you want it. His sarcastic reply needs to be ignored, though I'm sure it hurt. Men can be really stupid when they feel the need to defend themselves by going on an attack, which is what he did. 

Your reply is to grab him by his penis and look him right in the eye as you say, "No, not one hour, two hours now get to work!"


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

we may not get blue balls, but we do get blue vagina. I would stop the "extras" until he can get it through his head you are serious. We teach people how to treat us. If you don't change your behavior, he has absolutely no reason to change his.


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## doctor is in (Dec 8, 2012)

I find it amazing he feels entitled to me going an extra mile for him, but doesn't feel any need or desire to reciprocate. Oh the perks of long distance. I was told he would go down on me "for hours". Always talking about giving, and how giving should make you happy if you love the person. And that he would do anything for me. Literally. I can't believe how much of bull**** all that was. That is beyond overselling. That is straight out pretending to be someone else.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

I am not the only man on here who is of this mindset. My wife's orgasm is just as important as mine. If I was to have sex and she did not orgasm or at least feel wanted and cherished, I would feel like a failure. However, not all men are wired that way. Some are just selfish.


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## doctor is in (Dec 8, 2012)

He doesn't care at all whether I orgasm or not. Even when I said at some point it was happening a lot and that it was a lot of progress made, he didn't seem happy or cared AT ALL. Like yeah? okay whatever. Even though you're selfish, I would think that fact would still make you feel better about yourself, or I don't know, make you feel SOMETHING. He didn't act like it did.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

This Holiday season buy yourself the Hitachi Magic Wand and you might find you may not need him after all.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

doctor is in said:


> He doesn't care at all whether I orgasm or not. Even when I said at some point it was happening a lot and that it was a lot of progress made, he didn't seem happy or cared AT ALL. Like yeah? okay whatever. Even though you're selfish, I would think that fact would still make you feel better about yourself, or I don't know, make you feel SOMETHING. He didn't act like it did.


Have you tried to feed his ego? more specifically, draw out the sex by saying that you want more of him. Having it be short is like watching the opening credits of a movie and then skipping to the end credits. Tell him that he is just too good to only have a few minutes worth.

it is just an idea. It is truly tragic that he is not more caring about how you feel during this time. I would hate to short change myself out of the satisfaction that I get from seeing her get off over and over again.


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## doctor is in (Dec 8, 2012)

Lol. Yeah what the hell.


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## doctor is in (Dec 8, 2012)

tyler1978 said:


> Have you tried to feed his ego? more specifically, draw out the sex by saying that you want more of him. Having it be short is like watching the opening credits of a movie and then skipping to the end credits. Tell him that he is just too good to only have a few minutes worth.
> 
> it is just an idea. It is truly tragic that he is not more caring about how you feel during this time. I would hate to short change myself out of the satisfaction that I get from seeing her get off over and over again.


That sounds like an approach that might work. At least it shouldn't set off a ****storm and bring up his defenses. Thanks!


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

He is crazy. If he is just using sex as a release, you are both missing out on the best part. Bringing her to orgasm means you are good at what you do, and she enjoys you and what you do. 

Any man who only wants to hurry to the finish is extremely short sighted.

I also agree with the comments of bringing in vibrators. I actually bought my wife her first vibrator, and we use it regularly during foreplay. It makes all the difference in the world.


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