# Video Games are killing any chance we have...



## WestCoastGirl

My husband served me with divorce papers in January. After a few weeks we both agreed it wasn't really what we wanted, that we would try (again) to make it work. However, nothing seems to be changing. Aside from many other issues, video games seem to be something that he just cannot pull himself away from. We are both home right now, alone, which doesn't happen often, and of course he is playing games instead of engaging in conversation or anything else with me. He has logged nearly 1000 hours in the same game over the last 10 months, yet he has taken me out on a date once. He is obsessed with this game. If he's not playing it, he's on his iPad researching ways to earn weapons or gain higher rank. Its depressing. He's nearly 50 years old, and although he does hold a good job that supports us, when he is here he seems to have zero drive to do anything else. I have goals and plans and dreams and all he wants to do is play video games. Its not a new thing either, its been years. If he doesn't want to make the effort to change now, will he ever? I'm so tired of feeling alone.


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## PBear

If he can't be bothered to make time to you after a wakeup call like you just had, it likely won't happen. Video games are more important to him than his relationship with you. Make your decision based on that assumption, and do what you need to do. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bbdad

I have never been a big gamer. I just don't get the lure of them. There is so much to do in the real world! Sorry you are going through that.


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## Pinkpetal

"After a few weeks we both agreed it wasn't really what we wanted".

Why?? After reading your previous threads I think perhaps it's time to shock your husband and grab those divorce papers that he served you with and let him watch you sign them. You really sound unhappy.

Hubby seems pretty comfortable with the way things are. The only way to shake him up is to show him that you mean business. He doesn't believe that you're going anywhere. Prove him wrong and let him see you walk. Will he surface from his game long enough to notice that you're gone....? I don't think you should stop to find out.


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## Chuck71

my "x"stepson had an addiction to video games. He would play one 

which never ended (netscape?) Those who game constantly have

underlying issues of expressing themselves in the real world. The 

escapism aspect is understandable, I may play Madden FB a few

times a week. But it is a timed game, sixty minutes.


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## WestCoastGirl

PinkPetal, Looking back now the decision to dismiss the divorce was probably because I was afraid. I have always been afraid to go through with it, mostly because I feel guilty about what it will do to the kids. I don't want to have to talk myself into staying, which I do often. I also didn't really feel like we ever gave it 100% effort, and we told each other we would do that, but to be honest I just can't get myself motivated. I want to feel a certain way but I just don't. The fact that he's so wrapped up in video games and not reciprocating the tiny amount of motivation I have makes it even worse.


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## Chuck71

serve papers on him, let him know you mean business

it may wake him up or put a nail in coffin of M

but as the status quo, you are obviously miserable

roll the dice


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## Pinkpetal

WestCoastGirl said:


> PinkPetal, Looking back now the decision to dismiss the divorce was probably because I was afraid. I have always been afraid to go through with it, mostly because I feel guilty about what it will do to the kids. I don't want to have to talk myself into staying, which I do often. I also didn't really feel like we ever gave it 100% effort, and we told each other we would do that, but to be honest I just can't get myself motivated. I want to feel a certain way but I just don't. The fact that he's so wrapped up in video games and not reciprocating the tiny amount of motivation I have makes it even worse.



I hear what you're saying WestCoastGirl. But the way that you're living is bringing you down. That's why you have no motivation. 

I've been where you are, except my ex husband's addiction was alcohol. Trust me when I say that you could easily continue to spend years holding on, giving your husband the benefit of the doubt and waiting for a sign of change. Or even a sign that he actually really cares how you feel!

Look at your husband's actions. How much does your unhappiness matter to him? Is he making any effort to reduce his game time to spend quality time with his wife so as to improve his marriage?? Is he at all interested in that?? 

To be putting a game - A GAME - before what is real and what *should* matter in his life, is just wrong. You and your children deserve so much more than that. Show your husband your worth and do not settle for being treated so poorly. 

Best to you.


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## Jadiel

I'm a gamer, and I definitely play more than I should, but sometimes I gotta say the blame is equally placed on the person who is making a big deal out of it. 

I dont know what is so bad about electronics. I feel like I could be doing ANYTHING else and no one minds. I could be outside counting rocks, and people would leave me in peace to count rocks. if I wanted to spend my days in the woods, worshipping Odin, people would be fine. If I had a sex cabin out in the wood where I take my kidnapping victims, people would still be fine. 

but god forbid we turn on the computer! 

sorry I'm not trying to give anyone a hard time, I just want a chance to explain the gamers side of things. 

Me personally, I try to schedule my gaming time around everyone else. For example, Im currently laid off from work. Going back in a month or so. Kids are at school, wife is at work, so yeah I'm going to play video games.

Or at night. I do a lot of night gaming. Why? well, lets see, tomorrow the wife has to get up at 6am and go to work. But I dont. "But Jadiel!" you might say. "It's not fair of your wife to have to go to bed alone!" Well its not fair for me to have to lay awake in bed all night because Ive been forced to bed early.

I'm all for family time, but I don't believe in forcing it. I want to spend time with my family BECAUSE I LOVE THEM, not because I'm held hostage by the fact that I have to listen to everyone cry and whine because god forbid I took 35 minutes to not pay attention to them.

if all else fails, look at it like this: If your spouse is gaming, it means they are NOT A) Cheating B) doing drugs C) molesting your children D) selling sexy photos of you on the black market E) Gambling away your retirement, etc......


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## As'laDain

tell him you will cut the powercord for the game console any time you see it. so, he better keep it stashed away while your with him. 

if he tries playing the game in your presence, yank it and cut it with scissors.


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## Taintimand

It's much better to talk things out or you already did that? A nice conversation/talk with what's happening is the best way to overcome that.


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## melw74

Jadiel said:


> I'm a gamer, and I definitely play more than I should, but sometimes I gotta say the blame is equally placed on the person who is making a big deal out of it.
> 
> I dont know what is so bad about electronics. I feel like I could be doing ANYTHING else and no one minds. I could be outside counting rocks, and people would leave me in peace to count rocks. if I wanted to spend my days in the woods, worshipping Odin, people would be fine. If I had a sex cabin out in the wood where I take my kidnapping victims, people would still be fine.
> 
> but god forbid we turn on the computer!
> 
> sorry I'm not trying to give anyone a hard time, I just want a chance to explain the gamers side of things.
> 
> Me personally, I try to schedule my gaming time around everyone else. For example, Im currently laid off from work. Going back in a month or so. Kids are at school, wife is at work, so yeah I'm going to play video games.
> 
> Or at night. I do a lot of night gaming. Why? well, lets see, tomorrow the wife has to get up at 6am and go to work. But I dont. "But Jadiel!" you might say. "It's not fair of your wife to have to go to bed alone!" Well its not fair for me to have to lay awake in bed all night because Ive been forced to bed early.
> 
> I'm all for family time, but I don't believe in forcing it. I want to spend time with my family BECAUSE I LOVE THEM, not because I'm held hostage by the fact that I have to listen to everyone cry and whine because god forbid I took 35 minutes to not pay attention to them.
> 
> if all else fails, look at it like this:  If your spouse is gaming, it means they are NOT A) Cheating B) doing drugs C) molesting your children D) selling sexy photos of you on the black market E) Gambling away your retirement, etc......


This is all fine and dandy, but hes clearly neglecting his wife.

Nobody should have to stop hobbies, or things that they enjoy doing, but nor should they neglect all other important things while doing it.

I would be a little upset if every single moment we had a bit of peace my husband got his console out, and played on it for hours upon end, not engaging in conversations with me, or forgetting i am there by totally ignoring me.

Its Okay doing the things you love, but put what should be more important first, and is that not spending sometime with his wife, which by the sound of it she eagerly craves???.

My son is a gamer, and he sits there for hours while his girlfriend just sits there...... her getting only about 3 words out of him.... unless its when he wants something like a drink or something to eat.

I love my internet, my laptop, but i love my hubby more, spending time with him comes first.... I still have plenty of time to enjoy my hobbies.

Sitting on a game console all day, Is just not healthy IMHO.


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