# What the he** is going on????



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

Ok....Most of you know my story. But over the past few weeks i have learned of many other infidelities. NOT on the part of my wife, but i have learned of freinds and co-workes that are finding out that their wives are or have cheated on them. 

First off, a close friend and co-worker confided in me that he found out his wife and mother of 2 had been cheating with 2 different men for the past few years. They have been in MC and IC for a while now and R is moving forward well. 

Second, i find out that a co-worker, not so much a friend, found out his wife and mother of 3 has been cheating for a while now.

Third. Another co-worker and close friend, his wife just left him and moved in to her mother's for "a while" to get her thoughts together. I just found out through a mutual friend that this guys wife and mother of 3 has been cheating (no confirmation of PA yet though) and he doesn't know it yet. I told the mutual friend to tell him today or i will before the end of the day. 

This is 4 lives (mine included) that have been truned upside down by a wayward wife. I am not posting this to get feedback or oppinions regarding the indivuals i mentioned. 

What the H*LL is going on???? All of these guys are upstanding men and great fathers and husbands (as far as i've seen). Obviously there is always a chance that things could be different behind closed doors. But knowing them, very unlikely. 

None of our wives no each other as we keep work and family seperate. 

I just don't understand. I walways thought the stereotype of the man that couldn't keep it in his pants and that men were cheaters by nature...blah blah blah.

The more i read in articles and the more i am seeing in the world. 

Women cheat more and longer than men do. 

I am at a loss


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Rand OmGuy said:


> I just don't understand. I walways thought the stereotype of the man that couldn't keep it in his pants and that men were cheaters by nature...blah blah blah.


That's just blue pill nonsense about women being the more moral sex. That doesn't mean it's true.



> The more i read in articles and the more i am seeing in the world.
> 
> Women cheat more and longer than men do.
> 
> I am at a loss


The studies that I've seen conclude that men and women cheat at roughly equivalent rates. That's just the way the world is.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Its everywhere you look and its depressing. The thing is that you have to be able to say no when the opportunity presents itself and many arent.

Im not a bible thumper but Satan is lurking around every corner!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

And I know of at least four marriages in my circle where the husbands are cheating. I don't extrapolate from my experience that all men cheat, or that only men cheat, or that men cheat more often than women. The fact is that both sexes cheat, an in roughly equal numbers.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Red Car Syndrome


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I think it is all because of the recent "Twilight" series of movies.
If it werent for that captivating story line, that had multitudes of 40-ish women giggling like teenagers, it had to be the highlight of how having two studs fighting over you gives you a sense of greater importance than a mere dullard of a husband and rug rats waiting at home...
On the one hand, you have your brooding romantic white boy, with diamond-skin no less, who can run really fast, and tell you what you are thinking..
And THEN you have SharkBoy!! I mean,, SHARKBOY,,, of all people, who can turn into a wolf and guard your property in the evenings.

If the book was not enough, you would be sure to find Volvo keychains, and t-shirts, and other books by the author, and music CD's haphazardly recorded by one or other of the actors.. Countless hours will be spent reading and re-reading the saga, followed by postings of your wife photoshopped into a picture with Edward, on her facebook page. 

You glance over at her, with her nose embedded in between pages, as if to hope that your shifting of your eyebrows will give her that "hey Im feelin sexy" hint, as she promptly shushhes you because shes trying to read.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think there are more women cheating these days than anytime in the past(I am not comparing women vs men figures here. There is guy for every woman that is cheating.). An unfortunate unintended side effect of empowering female sexuality.


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## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

LetDownNTX said:


> Its everywhere you look and its depressing. The thing is that you have to be able to say no when the opportunity presents itself and many arent.
> 
> Im not a bible thumper but Satan is lurking around every corner!



Agreed. I think most are capable of falling to temptation. I think the most important thing is to keep youself out of a situation in which you would be tempted. 

I don't want to come across as generically saying that all women are cheaters and men aren't as bad. It just seems to be more prevelant in my immediate surroundings.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Ok....Most of you know my story. But over the past few weeks i have learned of many other infidelities. NOT on the part of my wife, but i have learned of freinds and co-workes that are finding out that their wives are or have cheated on them.
> 
> First off, a close friend and co-worker confided in me that he found out his wife and mother of 2 had been cheating with 2 different men for the past few years. They have been in MC and IC for a while now and R is moving forward well.
> 
> ...


You talk to any wives? Women do not cheat more than men. Men do not cheat more than women..neither equal or unequal. It just is.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Excluding same sex relationships, for every person in a cheating situation, there is one of the opposite sex too. Even if one of these two doesn't have a spouse or girl/boy friend to answer to, they are involved in the cheat. What I am saying is the count will be equal all the time.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Just Watch the Maury Show. It runs about 50/50. The only difference is that the host has his "fluffer" whip the crowd into a frenzy anytime a guy comes out on the stage whereas he's in tears with the woman and continues to be so even after she's been found to have pulled a ten guy "train" and not knowing who the baby daddy is.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I think its the sign of the times people just care about themselves and marketing doesnt help either. If it feels good do it is the mantra nowadays.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

From the crew members I have talked to, I think the rate of cheating wives runs about 80% in the airline industry. Nearly every male crewmember I talk to is either dealing with a cheating wife currently or is divorced from one. Out on the road I don't see much cheating by crewmembers, though I do hear a few stories here and there. Mostly it seems the crewmembers partying are the singles who bid trips which are attractive for partying (warm climates, long overnights).

All of the married crewmembers I know are looking for the shortest trips and the most time at home.

There are a lot of other factors impossible to explain briefly, but in summary it is the opposite of the public perception that married pilots and flight attendants are out screwing around on their overnights.

In talking with friends and neighbors it certainly seems there is an upsurge in the prevalence of cheating wives, especially in the 40+ and 50+ age ranges. I hear a lot of stories from single/divorced men in their 30's 40's about older women trying out their cougar fantasies.


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## carolinadreams (Nov 30, 2012)

Think about society as a whole, media, and generational tranmission of values and culture.

The biggest messages you receive online, on air, and in print > "You are important, entitled to pleasure, the most important thing in life is that you express yourself and individuality, and that you pursue your dreams with passion!"

All of these messages are essentially about feeding the ego and self gratification.

Where do you ever see the value of restraint and patience extolled? It's all about more pleasure right now! 

Regardless of anyone's religious beliefs, churches acted as a means of transmitting moral codes, and exerting some group pressure to conform to a normative morality. Churches are largely unimportant now, and don't ask much of their members.

What have we replaced them with? Internet porn, Oprah, and Facebook.

Looking around you is anyone surprised by the increase in infidelity?

Sure there has always been infidelity, but it was more discreet, and less people had the inclination or chance to engage in it. The penalties were more severe. Now with craigslist and the internet you can line up an edifying group encounter without even leaving the comfort of your computer chair.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Ok....Most of you know my story. But over the past few weeks i have learned of many other infidelities. NOT on the part of my wife, but i have learned of freinds and co-workes that are finding out that their wives are or have cheated on them.
> 
> First off, a close friend and co-worker confided in me that he found out his wife and mother of 2 had been cheating with 2 different men for the past few years. They have been in MC and IC for a while now and R is moving forward well.
> 
> ...


The book No More Mr. Nice Guy should shed some light on this. Also Send them all here.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Marriage is a wasteland that very few people have the courage or the energy to see for what it is.

The wasteland you know is more convenient and comforting than the world that you don't.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

In_The_Wind said:


> I think its the sign of the times *people just care about themselves* and marketing doesnt help either. If it feels good do it is the mantra nowadays.


With so much pop-psychology telling us that we "deserve" to be happy, is it any WONDEr why more and more people are cheating?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Rand OmGuy said:


> The more i read in articles and the more i am seeing in the world.
> 
> Women cheat more and longer than men do.
> 
> I am at a loss


You have just been force fed "the red pill." Everything you learned from society and sunday school about women was BS.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

It's not equal women are doing it more and they are far better at it!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

There have been surveys, and studies done on all of this---believe what you want---

categorize what you want---Married women, as opposed to married men-----single of one sex, and married of the other----cheating in relationships prior to mge----what classification do you want

CUZ AS FAR AS CHEATING GOES, UNLESS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HOMOSEXUAL CHEATING---FOREVERY MAN THAT CHEATS---HE CHEATS WITH A WOMAN------that very simply ends up at 50/50---end of discussion


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Ok....Most of you know my story. But over the past few weeks i have learned of many other infidelities. NOT on the part of my wife, but i have learned of freinds and co-workes that are finding out that their wives are or have cheated on them.
> 
> First off, a close friend and co-worker confided in me that he found out his wife and mother of 2 had been cheating with 2 different men for the past few years. They have been in MC and IC for a while now and R is moving forward well.
> 
> ...


Yep, we live in the period of "girls gone wild" (also technically mature women who behave like girls). It's been going on for a couple of decades, only most men are only now noticing it. Is anyone still surprised that more and more young men refuse to marry? And just wait for the next generation of girls to come along, those raised by "$lut walkers" and cougars.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Shooboomafoo said:


> I think it is all because of the recent "Twilight" series of movies.
> If it werent for that captivating story line, that had multitudes of 40-ish women giggling like teenagers, it had to be the highlight of how having two studs fighting over you gives you a sense of greater importance than a mere dullard of a husband and rug rats waiting at home...
> On the one hand, you have your brooding romantic white boy, with diamond-skin no less, who can run really fast, and tell you what you are thinking..
> And THEN you have SharkBoy!! I mean,, SHARKBOY,,, of all people, who can turn into a wolf and guard your property in the evenings.
> ...


You're blaming Twilight? Really? 

If your wife cheats on you because of something as stupid as a fictional story, then the marriage was SERIOUSLY lacking to begin with.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> You're blaming Twilight? Really?
> 
> If your wife cheats on you because of something as stupid as a fictional story, then the marriage was SERIOUSLY lacking to begin with.


Sheesh if I could like this a million times I would. 

Twilight, FSOG, and all that other braincell-killing-poop-masquerading-as-fiction does NOT make women cheat. Poor boundaries make people cheat. Bad decision making and poor coping skills make people cheat. Lack of sexual morals makes people cheat. Note, I said PEOPLE.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

_Sure there has always been infidelity, but it was more discreet, and less people had the inclination or chance to engage in it. The penalties were more severe. Now with craigslist and the internet you can line up an edifying group encounter without even leaving the comfort of your computer chair_

All true, and I would add that women entering the workforce in large numbers over the past several decades has contributed to the increase of women cheating. 

You put married men and women together in close quarters for 8hours a day, it's a recipe for disaster.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

I know. It's rampant. I'll just provide 2. Check out these stories.

A couple we know pretty well. About 50 years old. Wife had an 8 year affair with a guy 1300 miles away. OM was married. The wife we know even had a boob job at one time paid for by the OM. (She really didn't need one). Husband found out about 2 years ago and the affair is over. R is not going so well...they fight all the time anyway. The wife claims she cheated because H is mean and treated her like "a piece of crap". H seems normal to me when we went out with them. Side story..this wife is a big fan of mine. Said to me "I told your wife that if I had a husband like yours (meaning me), who treated me well, I'd never cheat". By the way, H is a very good looking guy, W is 50 lbs overweight if it means anything. He may have had a revenge affair.

Next story..woman we know got divorced about 10 years ago. She is 60 years old now. Starts meeting complete losers on dating sites..and would get into long term relationships with them. This woman has a self-confidence issue. Finally reconnected about 4 years ago with a married man (now also 60 year old) who she went to high-school with. Listen to this guy..married like 4 times, supposedly left each wife for the affair person. Has kids from other marriages and two little ones from his current marriage. Talk about deadbeats..this guy does not work - hasn't in years - one job he did get he got canned for sexual harrassment (the woman said he was "set up"). Wife (younger, about 35-40) is working full time and goes to grad school at night to better herself. The family lives with her mother because he doesn't work. The woman we know listens to all his stories hoping he will leave his wife. For the first time in his life, he probably won't - and why would he - wife supports him, MIL supports him, and he just goes out and boinks this woman. Wife doesn't know (she must suspect something), but this divorced woman we know will have her whole world crash on her when this eventually comes out. She waits for him and has no desire to date anyone. How sad! 

I have many others - but these are two good ones.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Women cheat more and longer than men do.
> 
> I am at a loss


Ahem. Look all cheating sucks. But both men and women cheat. This isn't a new concept at all. Infidelity has been around since the beginning of time. 

The bigger question is: how are you going to handle it? Will you stay or leave?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

jnj express said:


> CUZ AS FAR AS CHEATING GOES, UNLESS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HOMOSEXUAL CHEATING---FOREVERY MAN THAT CHEATS---HE CHEATS WITH A WOMAN------that very simply ends up at 50/50---end of discussion


BOOM! :iagree:

It takes two to tango.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Well, it is a fact that women are more susceptible to cultural trends than men. And sometimes a book, movie or a magazine story can serve as a catalyst for certain behavioral patterns. There was a story about a woman choosing to divorce her husband in order to live the "Eat, Pray, Love" experience. Naturally, she got burned and warned other women not to follow her example.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kenmoore14217 said:


> It's not equal women are doing it more and they are far better at it!


Not true. Married women cheat at at few percentage points lower than married men do.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Yes, I was kidding about Twilight, people cant see humor anymore?


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Numbersixxx said:


> Well, it is a fact that women are more susceptible to cultural trends than men. And sometimes a book, movie or a magazine story can serve as a catalyst for certain behavioral patterns. There was a story about a woman choosing to divorce her husband in order to live the "Eat, Pray, Love" experience. Naturally, she got burned and warned other women not to follow her example.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is a fact? Like a scientifically proven fact? As in you have a study that has proven that women are more susceptible to cultural trends than men? Cuz that just sounds like something you could only back up with anecdotes and then I could bring out my OWN that disprove your claim.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I suspect there are pockets of concentrated infidelity - say in Northern English women between ages 45 and 50, or Men from the South between ages of 35 and 40.

People are very much influenced by local and wider cultural trends, "awakenings" and fads.

The infidelity could be encouraged by something as silly as an ad campaign, or role model. 

Ads work - why else would it be a multi billion $ industry? Role models are important - otherwise why is there so much focus on them?

Overall, I am sure the stats are roughly 50/50 although I am also sure it is morally more acceptable in some societies for a single woman to be with a married man or vice versa so there is not a necessary correlation between the figures for sexes cheating.

Given this, it would be surprising if there weren't "pockets" of statistics far from the supposed median and hence it will be the case that in some locales, women are far more likely to cheat than men and vice versa. Wash rinse and repeat this fact for every age bracket, profession and locale and you have a picture where everything could be normal - except the norm.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

From what i've read the largest percentage of affairs occur through work.

Women now work (outside the home) in similar numbers to men. Women are simply becoming more like men.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> You're blaming Twilight? Really?
> 
> If your wife cheats on you because of something as stupid as a fictional story, then the marriage was SERIOUSLY lacking to begin with.


Don't read any of the "50 Shades of Gray" threads on TAM.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

My observation is that cheating is more likely in certain social networks, professions, age groups, etc. than others. 

For example, in my wife's social network with mostly conservative religious people, cheating would be scandalous ... every bit as much as it would have been 50 years ago. Not that conservative, religious people aren't prone to cheating but it is absolutely frowned upon in her network. I have another friend whose social network are athletes ... marathons, triathlons, half/full iron mans, etc. Live and breathe that stuff. Cheating is rampant in his social network and the divorce rate is very high. Not everybody does but when somebody does, it is hardly a surprise.

I also tend to agree that the workplace in general makes cheating "easier", providing more opportunities for those who are inclined to cheat or more easily tempted. The current company I work for, cheating will get you fired but I have worked at companies where you couldn't turn around without hearing of yet another affair. Happy hours, business trips, everybody is trying to look their best. You are spending more time with these people than you do at home. Women are now more likely to work than stay at home and they increasingly hold positions equal to men (our CEO and half our board are women) ... they are exposed to the same environment and opportunity. It isn't a surprise that they wouldn't be any less tempted than men.

I might also add ... the age of "instant gratification". We want what we want ... and we want it now ... seems to be where our culture is going.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Rowan said:


> And I know of at least four marriages in my circle where the husbands are cheating. I don't extrapolate from my experience that all men cheat, or that only men cheat, or that men cheat more often than women. The fact is that both sexes cheat, an in roughly equal numbers.


Um, mathematically it makes sense in a heterosexual world at least. It takes two to tango.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

doubletrouble said:


> Um, mathematically it makes sense in a heterosexual world at least. It takes two to tango.


One single woman could have a series of relationships with several married men (and vice versa, but in my experience far less likely that a single man has a relationship with a married woman although my ex wife did it with an unmarried, but attached, pos).

In fact, I have known a few single women who have done this.

It does take two to tango, but they don't both have to be married.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Thor said:


> From the crew members I have talked to, I think the rate of cheating wives runs about 80% in the airline industry. Nearly every male crewmember I talk to is either dealing with a cheating wife currently or is divorced from one. Out on the road I don't see much cheating by crewmembers, though I do hear a few stories here and there. Mostly it seems the crewmembers partying are the singles who bid trips which are attractive for partying (warm climates, long overnights).
> 
> All of the married crewmembers I know are looking for the shortest trips and the most time at home.
> 
> ...


The aviation business is frought with cheating (AIDS = Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome. It aint funny.). I agree with what you have said, but any industry that sends married people out on trips with members of the opposite sex is just asking for trouble. 

The cat's away, the mice will play.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

waiwera said:


> From what i've read the largest percentage of affairs occur through work.
> 
> Women now work (outside the home) in similar numbers to men. Women are simply becoming more like men.


I second that. My WW had an affair at work after years of putting down those who did such things -- so in my mind, if it could happen to her, it could happen to YOU.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> One single woman could have a series of relationships with several married men (and vice versa, but in my experience far less likely that a single man has a relationship with a married woman although my ex wife did it with an unmarried, but attached, pos).
> 
> In fact, I have known a few single women who have done this.
> 
> It does take two to tango, but they don't both have to be married.


I agree. I think my (unclear) point was, each (het) affair requires a man and a woman.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I think any time husband and wife are separated for long periods of time. My exH worked on a telecom project but fortunately was not on the traveling end of it. His colleagues on the team who were relocated to Russia for it cheated for the most part.....except those who had their wives relocated with them.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

doubletrouble said:


> My WW had an affair at work after years of putting down those who did such things -- so in my mind, if it could happen to her, *it could happen to YOU.*


Not so sure I agree with this highlighted bit. Not everyone has it in them to cheat IMO.

I've worked in two different male dominated industries, one was an absolute meat market.. I was a gym instructor/aerobics instructor and personal trainer. There was a lot of inappropriate activity going on at that place! All those skimpy clothes and sweaty bodies...just too much for some!

I never once had an affair or even came close to it... certainly had the opportunity and the offers but i just never went there.

I believe I have been well tested!


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

waiwera said:


> Not so sure I agree with this highlighted bit. Not everyone has it in them to cheat IMO.
> 
> I've worked in two different male dominated industries, one was an absolute meat market.. I was a gym instructor/aerobics instructor and personal trainer. There was a lot of inappropriate activity going on at that place! All those skimpy clothes and sweaty bodies...just too much for some!
> 
> ...


You seem to be one of the exceptions. Good for you. You got a single, older Sister? 

Only kiddin'!


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> It is a fact? Like a scientifically proven fact? As in you have a study that has proven that women are more susceptible to cultural trends than men? Cuz that just sounds like something you could only back up with anecdotes and then I could bring out my OWN that disprove your claim.


Of course it is not a fact from a strictly scientific point of view. Most of what passes in social sciences cannot fulfil the requirements and this is why some consider them pseudoscience. But when we are talking about social dynamics, general human behaviour can be analysed, patterns discovered and consequently future predictions can be made within certain accuracy (including how different groups respond differently).

And yes, there are strong indications that females are more responsive to popular cultural trends. Everybody is aware of this, especially people in the advertising industry since most of the general advertisement is focused on women. They know how certain demographic reacts to the media inputs and how consequently women play a larger part in consumerism. The fashion industry is almost entirely centred on women costumers. I could go on, but it is not hard to connect the dots and extrapolate that more women follow what is fashionable than men. And from here we can make a translation into other aspects of our culture. So now we have articles openly talking about starter husbands and that the recipe for a successful marriage is having an affair. This is what is becoming fashionable.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

I'm guess I'm of two minds on this.

If you get married and find out almost right away that you made a mistake, then going ahead and getting a divorce is a reasonable and not irresponsible option.

The "starter husband" article seems to be to be just that. These women get married in their 20s and aren't very mature. They feel that marriage wasn't at all what they thought it was and they get out of it pronto.

That is very different from staying in a marriage and cheating. That's much worse.

The first is the throw-away mentality. It shows a lack of feeling and maturity, but it's not as bad as becoming a serial cheater to get want you don't have at home.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

(First of all, it is true that some people say that social science is a pseudoscience, but that is a misunderstanding of the different types of proof that are possible within a field. Social science is not testable or falsifiable in the way that a natural science is and therefore requires a different protocol for testing and proving a hypothesis.) 

Re the question here: Anthropologists will argue that women have always cheated at much higher levels than was known. Society placed such restrictions on women that the infidelity remained much more under wraps. There are, however, studies that indicate that a very high percentage of children are raised in families in which the father is not the biological father & the children and father are unaware of it. Some of these studies go way back & are well before the feminist movement of the 1960's - 1970's.

Historians, sociologists, and anthropologists trace the 'outing' of female infidelity to the introduction of the birth control pill in the 1960's. Once the pill was out there, the consequence of pregnancy was no longer something that kept women 'in their place.' Before the pill, it was widely considered standard for men to cheat - people shrugged and winked - but women were stigmatized and a pregnancy was the ultimate scarlet letter for them, so they had nowhere to hide.

People who do these very difficult statistics think that female infidelity has increased since the pill, but not as much as many believe. Since the pill, the playing field regarding who gets a shrug and a wink has been leveled to a great degree.


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