# How to rebuild trust in reconciliation!



## 1lostintranslation (Apr 10, 2012)

I appreciate those of you who read this thread. I was engaged to a man me 27 3 kids, and him 32 3 kids, then we have one together. Needless to say look at my other threads to see the demise. I recently asked him to move up to his town. He wanted me to do this and I had said no since didn't know for sure. Well there has been only 1 day spent together since, and we have had multiple phone conversations some good some bad. The bad ones are due mostly to me getting upset. I want more than a phone conversation relationship I need real time being spent as well. Honestly when I felt like he wasn't listening I would lash out and say mean cruel things. Which only aided in him not wanting to be around. Not how I really felt just wanted him to hurt also. I know not right now the truth. Well needless to say he told me he cared about me more than he has cared about anyone, but he was scared and unsure. Said that he wasn't ready to give me what I needed. Ok! then he called me last week to talk about something dealing with our son. I said ok to it. Well that wasn't good enough he wished I had said "yes I trust you in regards to this". Said that, "He had hoped I would say something like we were still in a relationship". Well my thinking was just say ok because I didn't necessarily agree with it, but didn't want to cause a fight. And then I thought why would I respond like someone in a relationship when it is not clear you want one with me. I know he is hurt because of the things I have said, and I am hurt due to lack of time invested. We are both busy, kids, work, school, different towns. 

I just want to know what I can do in order to get this relationship back on track? 
Is there something I can say or do in order to let him know I am sorry for my actions and want to work on this? He has stated many times that he wanted to work on this just unsure now.
Is there something we can both do in order to improve our communication? It is really broken and neither partner feels heard? 

Please no negative remarks. I am really trying to make an honest effort here.



UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So it has been awhile and a lot has taken place. So long story short I took a leave of absence with my son's father since things were not going well and I wasn't feeling respected. I didn't have any contact with him for about 2 1/2 weeks, he didn't see son or me. He would call /text and I was just mia. I needed to think reevaluate and just be alone. Well for about the last week or so we have been speaking. He told me he feels badly for leaving me the way he did back in August and would like to start on things with us again. He wants to try and repair "US". Sounds wonderful I am on board. I have to admit there is still some pain there on both sides. However I am committed to making this work with him. I know that time needs to pass and positive experiences need to be created. Well he is suppose to come down here on friday in order to spend time. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I will say this we are not officially back together but working on things. Well since him leaving I have questioned a lot of things. 

Here is the kicker....I am sure I will bashed for this. ((((I have never dealt with infidelity with this person, it was never an issue))))). Well since we haven't had sex in about 4 months, and not even had any physical affection I decided to see. I created a fake facebook page and acted like someone who goes to his school to see if he would take the bait. Well he has. He told her/me he would like to get to know me better. That her/me sounded sweet. He hasn't flirted and I just mainly wanted to poke the bear to see what he would do. This is still ongoing and i want to know where to see how far he will take it.


When he left and walked out it was a huge blow to me trusting him, said it was not something he would ever do. Said now he wants to work on things. He was a huge betrayal for me. What can I do to rebuild the trust between us?? I know he is skiddish just the same said he has concerns he can't live up to my expectations.


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