# I'm pregnant but don't want another baby.



## maeby

Hi Everybody,

My husband of two years and I discovered yesterday that I am pregnant. We already have a two year old daughter. I am overwhelmed with one child and cannot imagine having another one. We aren't really financially stable enough to have another child either and we were both content for her to be an only child. 

Obviously though, we got lazy and didn't use protection and now I'm pregnant. I can't express how sad this makes me and how badly I don't want to have another baby. My husband doesn't believe in abortion and says it's too late and now we're having a baby. How can he make me do this, knowing how much I don't want it? 

I'm not going to run off and have an abortion behind his back. What I wonder is if I might be able make him realize that this is a terrible idea and get him to agree to let me take care of it, or if it's pointless to even try.

Please don't tell me that abortion is murder and I'll go to hell. I recognize that side of the issue but you'd be wasting your time.


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## Kimberley17

Would you consider adoption?


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## Mavash.

If you wanted to get an abortion why did you tell your husband you were pregnant? Did you think he'd feel the same as you do?


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## Kermitty

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know what it is like to not want the baby you are pregnant with. Is your husband helpful in terms of taking care of the first baby? How far along are you? I know the longer I carried the baby, the more attached I became. I think you should continue to talk to him about it and if he doesn't change his mind, I hope you will remember this.....I don't know anyone who has ever regretted having their child no matter how hard they struggle after he/she is born.


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## BarelyThere

That's such a hard thing to deal with, especially because you don't have a lot of time to decide and the crazy emotions and hormones early on make everything seem so much more difficult.

I have three kids and it actually got easier with another one because they start to play and entertain each other, taking some of the burden off you. That usually happens when the baby is 6 months or so, but your first is old enough to be able and want to help out with the new baby once it's born. Involving your daughter can help her feel included and make the newborn stage easier on you.

Whatever you decide to do, be at peace with your decision once you've made it and don't beat yourself up with questions or doubts.


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## Hicks

Adoption is a great idea.
I think those around you will have a tremendous amount of respect for you if that's the route you go... That is a courageous and generous act.


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## TrustInUs

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think it's a good thing that you spoke to your husband about it, since it is his baby as well. I think this is the time where you have really sit down and listen to each other's feelings on this. 

To echo the post above, of friends that I know who have considered abortion due to their circumstances, none them regret having their baby.


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## foolme2x

That is a tough situation for sure. An "oops" pregnancy is such a shock, even when the thought of another child is welcome.

I found out I was pregnant with my youngest at an absolutely horrible time in my marriage. We were in no way trying to have another, and frankly, it was practically an immaculate conception.  IYKWIM! I was stunned and upset. Now, several years later, I cannot imagine my life without him. I am sure I am one of many who could tell you a similar story.

As far as the expense of a child, the critical ones are food and shelter...are those in question? A lot of the other things you used with your first could also be used with a new baby. Also, I second the poster who mentioned hormones. I was really depressed for about 3 weeks early in each of my pregnancies. Totally related to the hormones. If it is still very early, maybe wait a week or two before making any big decisions?

Not trying to talk you into anything...it is so personal. I am pro-choice, but I can see that if your husband cannot support that, it would be a really difficult decision to make. And I am all for adoption, but could you go through the physical aspects of pregnancy without feeling resentful? And then handle the emotions involved in giving up the baby?

I wish you all the best...remember to take care of yourself.


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## gbrad

Mavash. said:


> If you wanted to get an abortion why did you tell your husband you were pregnant? Did you think he'd feel the same as you do?


So you would have advocated for her to go behind his back and never tell him? If ever found out, I'd leave in a heartbeat.


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## Thoreau

Mavash. said:


> If you wanted to get an abortion why did you tell your husband you were pregnant? Did you think he'd feel the same as you do?


Doesn't he have a say in the decision?:scratchhead:


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## gbrad

There are many couples out there who are unable to have a child who are seeking adoption of a newborn baby. If you truly decide you do not want to raise the baby, give someone the opportunity to do so who is praying for the chance.


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## Zig

Mavash. said:


> If you wanted to get an abortion why did you tell your husband you were pregnant? Did you think he'd feel the same as you do?


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## ARF

Sounds like abortion in a non-negotiable with your husband. You don't want the baby and your husband doesn't believe in abortion. Seems like a pretty easy decision unless your husband wants to raise the child while you don't. Two things you need to figure out though.

1). Compromise with your husband about what to do with the baby.

2). You don't want to have another child now or in the future? Figure out how to prevent that.


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## EnjoliWoman

I've faced this and know the struggle you are dealing with. 

BUT - if you don't want the baby, would you and your husband be willing to give it up for adoption? gbrad mentioned it and I must say as an adoptee, there are couples who REALLY want a family and can't. And now that Russia doesn't allow adoption, it narrows the choices even more. 

It has to be very hard to go through pregnancy and birth yet give a child up but I commend my mother for the ultimate sacrifice just so I could have a better life.


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## isittime

We have 5 children – 14, 12, 10, 3, 2. When we got pregnant with our last one it was when our 3 year old was 6 months old. It was a total OPPS! FYI – breastfeeding is NOT an effective birth control measure. 

Believe me, I had four kids and one was still an infant I had just got weaned off breast feeding and I found out I was pregnant again. I cried and cried and cried. I was so upset and did not want to have another baby. We had just been talking about a vasectomy for by H. We lived in a small three bedroom rambler with an unfinished basement and could barely afford child care for the one infant we did have. 

Not only could I not fathom how we would financial afford another baby, I didn’t know where we would PUT a baby in our house. The infant was in our bedroom and here we were going to have another one. My H was NOT helpful with the baby when it came to feedings and any night time care. I was sleep deprived the way it was and add another baby! I was overwhelmed and exhausted and yes I thought I should just have an abortion because there was NO WAY I could handle this.

My H and I talked about it and he also felt as your H does. That what’s done is done and we were having another baby. We got lucky and his boss gave him a raise, the interests rates were low and we were able to sell our house in less than three weeks of being on the market and moved into a larger nicer one. And now we have our 5th girl that we love more than anything. I’m not going to say it’s easy and I’m not going to say I’m not exhausted and overwhelmed most of the time. I’m not going to say my H stepped up and helped out more, because he didn’t. 

But I get through it each day and I have 5 beautiful girls. My 3y/o and 2y/o are best friends and to see them interact and the way they love each other brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined. I seriously have had tears brought to my eyes to see the love they have for each other. 

One thing that did help me learn to accept the circumstances and prepare for another baby was my faith and my church. Not sure if you have a strong faith or belong to a church, but turning to them for support was very beneficial to me. If not, therapy could help you both come to terms with whatever circumstance you choose and help you navigate through the fears and feelings you are both having over this. Good Luck!


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## gbrad

Isittime...I just gotta say you have got to be something special to be raising 5...FIVE, Cinco, Funf, Girls. Damn, power and prayer to you.


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## isittime

^^^ Well thanks! But I have to say that I am extremely blessed. They are amazing, smart, beautiful, sassy little girls and I can't imagine life with out each of them in my life.


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## maeby

Thank you all for your responses.

In regards to not telling my husband I was pregnant and having an abortion behind his back: We have a joint bank account so he would notice $500 going missing, and I wouldn't ask my family to pay for it. Besides that, it's an awfully big secret to keep from the person with whom you are supposed to have no secrets from. How can I expect our marriage to work if I am willing to abort his child behind his back without his knowledge? 

As far as adoption goes, there is just no way I could give my child away. I suppose I commend women who are able to, but I don't understand how they could possibly do it. 

My husband is a good father but most of the parenting falls in my hands, as he is busy with work and everything else he does. I do resent him for never being the one to wake up in the middle of the night with our daughter and for everything else he expects me to do. Our daughter will be potty trained and *hopefully* sleeping through the night soon; I don't want to sign up for another two years of diapers and nighttime feedings.

And when it comes to finances, I have $6,000 in medical bills from my appendectomy. In addition to that, both of us are in need of new vehicles, our bills are high, and my job is seasonal and doesn't resume until spring. 

I did send my husband a text earlier, saying that I don't want another baby and that I want an abortion. Surprisingly, he said that it is my body and that it wasn't ideal, but "ok". When he gets home I will talk to him more and be sure that he is comfortable with it. If he absolutely cannot support me in my decision, then I won't go through with it.


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## Zig

I just wish that Mavash would post again and clarify her earlier post.

:scratchhead:


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## Lyris

Sending you best wishes OP. I hope everything works out for you.


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## Kermitty

Hope he will be supportive either way you decide to go.


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## NeedToMoveOn

I understand how you feel. I was in a similar situation May 2011. I got pregnant, my husband was so excited but for some reason I wasn't. Maybe because I had a 5 year old and 8 month old. Anyway I tried to talk to him about my feelings and it didn't go over well. In the end I had a miscarriage, but looking back I didn't handle the situation well and I still have regrets about that. I desperatly didn't want to be pregnant at the time. If I had the knowledge I have today I would tell myself, If I didn't want that baby I woul have done what I needed to do to not get pregnant in the first place. The baby is already there and if your marriage is decently stable, I would tell you to trust that you and your husband can make it some how. Don't let the fact that you're feeling angry and overwhelemd at the moment ruin your relationship.


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## Tikii

You couldn't give your baby to a loving couple who would give it an amazing life, but you'd have no problem ending it's life? Please explain that to me.

As a woman who has struggled with infertility for the entire time I've been married, plus some, I cannot imagine how someone could end the life of a precious child because it isn't convenient for them. It is your body, but it's also his child and it's own little person. Can you really look at your daughter and think that it would be better for her to be dead than in the arms of a lovinv couple who have done nothing but pray for her existence. ?

In the end, it's your decision, but do you really think that child's life should end because you got lazy with protection? In the future, I'd hope you'll consider more reliable forms of pregnancy prevention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Created2Write

Tikii said:


> You couldn't give your baby to a loving couple who would give it an amazing life, but you'd have no problem ending it's life? Please explain that to me.
> 
> As a woman who has struggled with infertility for the entire time I've been married, plus some, I cannot imagine how someone could end the life of a precious child because it isn't convenient for them. It is your body, but it's also his child and it's own little person. Can you really look at your daughter and think that it would be better for her to be dead than in the arms of a lovinv couple who have done nothing but pray for her existence. ?
> 
> In the end, it's your decision, but do you really think that child's life should end because you got lazy with protection? In the future, I'd hope you'll consider more reliable forms of pregnancy prevention.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My thoughts exactly. 

OP: There's nothing wrong with being emotionally and/or financially incapable of providing for a child, and choosing not to keep it. But to say that you would abort the child instead of giving it a chance to live with a family who would cherish it...I can't comprehend the thought process there.


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## Interlocutor

Thoreau said:


> Doesn't he have a say in the decision?:scratchhead:


More than a say, I'd say.

Being the progeny very conveniently split in DNA by a ratio of 50%, it's as if God/nature intended there be no debate, i.e. BOTH parents have a say.

I strongly believe NEITHER parent has the sole right to decide that fate for a child. 

Pro-life or Pro-choice, no matter, it is something BOTH parents need to agree on, like jurors in deliberation, they gotta sit there until one parent convinces the other.

A man, however, cannot hide an abortion of his wife's from his wife. A wife, sadly, can, and I would consider this an immediate grounds for divorce. Again, these are just my own personal beliefs on the matter, Pro-Life OR Pro-Choice.

They need to both agree on abortion, and any talk of hiding this from the spouse, if indeed any woman might hint at that here, just contributes to a slight on the face of their own gender IMO.

In any case, reading all of this has completely overwhelmed me with the drive to go grab my son and give him a tight embrace that will probably last a lot longer than most.


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## pidge70

Tikii said:


> You couldn't give your baby to a loving couple who would give it an amazing life, but you'd have no problem ending it's life? Please explain that to me.
> 
> As a woman who has struggled with infertility for the entire time I've been married, plus some, I cannot imagine how someone could end the life of a precious child because it isn't convenient for them. It is your body, but it's also his child and it's own little person. Can you really look at your daughter and think that it would be better for her to be dead than in the arms of a lovinv couple who have done nothing but pray for her existence. ?
> 
> In the end, it's your decision, but do you really think that child's life should end because you got lazy with protection? In the future, I'd hope you'll consider more reliable forms of pregnancy prevention.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:iagree:


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

> You couldn't give your baby to a loving couple who would give it an amazing life, but you'd have no problem ending it's life? Please explain that to me.
> 
> As a woman who has struggled with infertility for the entire time I've been married, plus some, I cannot imagine how someone could end the life of a precious child because it isn't convenient for them. It is your body, but it's also his child and it's own little person. Can you really look at your daughter and think that it would be better for her to be dead than in the arms of a lovinv couple who have done nothing but pray for her existence. ?
> 
> In the end, it's your decision, but *do you really think that child's life should end because you got lazy *with protection? In the future, I'd hope you'll consider more reliable forms of pregnancy prevention.


Respectfully, as you have admittedly NEVER been pregnant, I can see where you would NOT understand what it is like to be pregnant. Being pregnant for 9 months is not always a breeze that she can fly through and then give her baby up for adoption. Pregnancy is NOT always easy...physically OR emotionally.

Likewise, I would NEVER presume to know the frustrations and heartbreak of dealing with infertility for years. 

I just think that we should be circumspect in making PERSONAL moral judgements (the bolded part is judgemental) on other peoples lives about which we know VERY LITTLE. Offering advice, YES; pushing OUR agenda, NO.


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## Anonymous07

maeby said:


> Thank you all for your responses.
> 
> As far as adoption goes, there is just no way I could give my child away. I suppose I commend women who are able to, but I don't understand how they could possibly do it.
> 
> My husband is a good father but most of the parenting falls in my hands, as he is busy with work and everything else he does. I do resent him for never being the one to wake up in the middle of the night with our daughter and for everything else he expects me to do. Our daughter will be potty trained and *hopefully* sleeping through the night soon; I don't want to sign up for another two years of diapers and nighttime feedings.
> 
> I did send my husband a text earlier, saying that I don't want another baby and that I want an abortion. Surprisingly, he said that it is my body and that it wasn't ideal, but "ok". When he gets home I will talk to him more and be sure that he is comfortable with it. If he absolutely cannot support me in my decision, then I won't go through with it.


Don't make any permanent decisions on a temporary emotion. 

Having an unplanned pregnancy is stressful, and I can totally relate to that. I'm almost 14 weeks pregnant and when the test came back positive, I was in shock and overwhelmed. This was not the plan my husband and I had, but I could never imagine aborting our baby. Technically it is not "my body my decision", as the growing baby is a different person, with different DNA. We don't exactly have the finances right now, but there are always ways to make it work. There are many people who can give hand-me-down items that the baby needs, either through family and friends or through online websites(freecycle, craigslist free section, etc.). You've said your husband is a great father, and if you talked to him about how you felt about the previous baby, he can surely help out more this time around. 

I'd be cautious of taking up your husband's "ok with the abortion" statement, as he may end up resenting you down the line for it. Personally, I could never forgive myself if I had an abortion, not after looking at the ultrasounds and seeing the heart beat. 

As for adoption, it is definitely very difficult to go through. I have family who is both adopted and gave up their child for adoption. It is the most selfless and amazing gift a person can give to another. My aunt could never have children and adopted 2 babies to make her family complete. They are family and we love them all. My aunt keeps in touch with the birth mom and she gets updates on how her daughter is doing. I've also watched my cousin give her son up for adoption, and while it was very difficult for her, she made the choice to give him a better life. She is an amazing woman.


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## BrookeT

maeby said:


> Thank you all for your responses.
> 
> In regards to not telling my husband I was pregnant and having an abortion behind his back: We have a joint bank account so he would notice $500 going missing, and I wouldn't ask my family to pay for it. Besides that, it's an awfully big secret to keep from the person with whom you are supposed to have no secrets from. How can I expect our marriage to work if I am willing to abort his child behind his back without his knowledge?
> 
> As far as adoption goes, there is just no way I could give my child away. I suppose I commend women who are able to, but I don't understand how they could possibly do it.
> 
> My husband is a good father but most of the parenting falls in my hands, as he is busy with work and everything else he does. I do resent him for never being the one to wake up in the middle of the night with our daughter and for everything else he expects me to do. Our daughter will be potty trained and *hopefully* sleeping through the night soon; I don't want to sign up for another two years of diapers and nighttime feedings.
> 
> And when it comes to finances, I have $6,000 in medical bills from my appendectomy. In addition to that, both of us are in need of new vehicles, our bills are high, and my job is seasonal and doesn't resume until spring.
> 
> I did send my husband a text earlier, saying that I don't want another baby and that I want an abortion. Surprisingly, he said that it is my body and that it wasn't ideal, but "ok". When he gets home I will talk to him more and be sure that he is comfortable with it. If he absolutely cannot support me in my decision, then I won't go through with it.


Not trying to be a downer here, but him saying that now doesn't mean much. He made his feelings known when you told him you were pregnant, he doesn't support abortion. If you force him into this, sure he might go along with it, but I can almost guarantee you that he will never look at you the same away again. The amount of resentment he's going to have for you could very well be the end of your marriage.


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## WomanScorned

Been there! To be absolutely honest if there had been a way to have an abortion without my husband at the time knowing I would have done it in a heartbeat. As it was, he was totally against it. I will continue to be honest.....I love my girl, but there were times for the first couple of years that I was very sorry I had another child, especially when the marriage broke up. The child didn't cause the break up, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Yes, I'm in counseling, and no, I don't regret having my girl, in fact she is a joyous soul that I love more than life. But it's not always easy to figure out what is the best thing to do.


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## TiggyBlue

what if you discuss him having more of a helping hand in the child raising?


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## Zig

The fact that multiple women have posted here stating that keeping an abortion secret from your husband is perfectly OK is really, really, really disturbing.


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## maeby

When I started this thread I told myself that I wouldn't respond to people who want to force their opinion of such a touchy subject on me. However, I too would like to voice my opinion.

In no way do I take this lightly. If I didn't already have a child, it would be different and perhaps I would take it less seriously. I have considered that what is inside of me would eventually become my daughter's little brother or sister. I know that I would love him or her and I know that for the most part, I would not regret having them. I also know that I would not be able to give them up for adoption and I doubt that anyone suggesting it has done it themselves. I don't fully agree with the idea about how courageous an act it is. I think it is unfair to bring a life into the world without wanting it. However, there are exceptions to every rule. Remember that I said that.

Also, to the person who is dealing with infertility troubles: I am deeply sorry that you have been burdened with that. If I could give you my fertility, I would. That is not to say that I don't appreciate my ability to have children. However, perhaps it is God's will that you have not been able to create life. Maybe He has some very good reason that He does not want you to have children, and maybe you should take a hard look at yourself before you start judging others. How dare you ask how I can look at my daughter and think it would be better for her to be dead. I have not said anything to warrant that sort of thinking on your part.
Furthermore, I understand that there are couples out there who are praying for what I have. I also understand that there are people all around the world praying for food, for safety, and for all sorts of things that you and I both have, yet neither of us is sacrificing what we have for those people.
So, your argument there is invalid. Simply because other people want something, does not mean it falls to others to give. 


Now, I am of the belief that life starts not at conception, but at birth. Obviously, what is in the womb is alive, but I don't believe it has a soul until it's life begins.


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## Bellavista

When I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child, I was devasted. We had a 9 month old & a 2 1/2 year old, had just moved 7 hours from family & H was studying full time.
I honestly thought of abortion, but could not do it. I cried & fretted my way all through that pregnancy. The baby was born not breathing, he required intervention to bring him through. At that point, I thought that I had taken away this baby's will to live & felt overwhelming sadness & love. He came through.
Now aged 20, this boy is amazing. He has started his own successful business, represented Australia in the world karate tournaments & is probably the most successful of all of our kids.

All I ask, is that you think long & hard before going down the abortion road, it may not be the best solution for you & your family.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Maeby:

What YOU want is EVERY BIT as important as what your husband wants!

People are talking about HIS RESENTMENT if you go ahead and have an abortion. He MAY VERY WELL feel resentful of your decision FOREVER.

YOU, however, MAY VERY WELL feel resentful of your husband for wanting you to keep this pregnancy, AND you may become resentful of your younger child (who had NO SAY in this entire situation).

THERE IS NO SIMPLE SOLUTION HERE. People act as though you WILL love and accept your 2nd child unconditionally once s/he is born...as though it is a FOREGONE conclusion! It is NOT! People ALWAYS SAY what they would/wouldn't do when ALL IT INVOLVES IS TALK....everything is EASIER in the abstract when all we have to do is SAY it. It is oftentimes a MUCH DIFFERENT THING when the abstract becomes CONCRETE and we actually have to DO IT.

Get some PROFESSIONAL guidance on this IMMEDIATELY; whether you and hubby seek a spiritual advisor, your family doctor or OB/GYN, a couples therapist. Seek help from SOMEBODY IMMEDIATELY so you have the BEST chance of making the decision that is right for your family.

*hugs*


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## *LittleDeer*

I agree that counselling is a good idea. With your husband also involved in the counselling, and also with a non religious truly impartial third party with no agenda of their own.

I personaly could never give up a baby for adoption.


Pregnancy can be very difficult for many women, it can limit your ability to do well at work or even work. (I had to stop working and studying when pregnant due to severe sickness), and also had a very traumatic birth and labour with my first baby. 

I was also left to care for my first child alone, without much support.

All of these factors can influence someone when making a decision. 

The more support a woman has, the less likely it is that she will want an abortion.

I hope that you come to a decision together that you can both live with, and that your husband understand that it is mostly you that will have to live with the decision that is made, as it's your body etc.

Good luck.


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## Cosmos

I agree with the previous two posters who have suggested professional counseling as soon as possible.

This an enormous issue for you and your H to decide upon, with potentially far reaching ramifications either way. I would seek professional advice asap, OP, and think very careful about whatever you decide to do.


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## Maricha75

isittime said:


> We have 5 children – 14, 12, 10, 3, 2. When we got pregnant with our last one it was when our 3 year old was 6 months old. It was a total OPPS! *FYI – breastfeeding is NOT an effective birth control measure. *


:rofl::rofl:
I know that one!
My daughter had JUST turned a year old when we found out that we were expecting again. Both she and her older brother had been born c-section. I had weight loss surgery in 2004, my daughter was born in 2006, and then in 2008, I had my last child, her little brother. He wasn't planned. I breastfed for about 5-6 months AFTER learning I was pregnant, only stopping because my nipples were hurting. Abortion was never an option. In fact, that word never crossed either of our minds. Sure, money was tight. Sure, the baby was unplanned. But this was our child. Now, he is a mischievous 4 year old little boy...and he and his big sister are very close, as are he and their big brother. 

To OP:
To ensure we wouldn't have any more "oops", I got my tubes tied when he was born. Is that an option for either of you? Surgical sterilization, if you know for sure you want no more children, no matter what is done this time?


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## gbrad

maeby said:


> Also, to the person who is dealing with infertility troubles: I am deeply sorry that you have been burdened with that. If I could give you my fertility, I would. That is not to say that I don't appreciate my ability to have children. However, perhaps it is God's will that you have not been able to create life. Maybe He has some very good reason that He does not want you to have children, and maybe you should take a hard look at yourself before you start judging others. How dare you ask how I can look at my daughter and think it would be better for her to be dead. I have not said anything to warrant that sort of thinking on your part.
> .


If you think that God has a plan for those who have not been able to conceive even when trying for years, then what makes you think you being pregnant isn't part of a plan. You can't just have it one way to make your argument for your side and ignore the other half of it.


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## Interlocutor

Zig said:


> The fact that multiple women have posted here stating that keeping an abortion secret from your husband is perfectly OK is really, really, really disturbing.


Thankfully, they have been honest enough here to express their potential, malicious dishonesty which they didn't have to share here but the anonymity of the internet baits such sharings... Good for us men to read, giving us an insight into the inner schemes possible in some women, giving men who read this fair warning that this could happen behind their back so that they are extra vigilant. 

So as disturbing as it is, I'm glad they hang themselves with the internet rope so to speak so that potential good fathers can wake up to these possibilities in case they read this... I have a close friend who was duped this way in college, and none of us ever found out he could have been a father because we didn't imagine his girlfriend could have gotten an abortion and hung with out with him for years afterward with a straight face... There's no way we could have suspected that... Then... Now I know and will remember these possibilities in life for future conversations with my son.

Let women talk and share, and let's not be disturbed no matter how reprehensible their statements are... They are realities men need to know, so let's be reluctantly grateful.


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## BarelyThere

Did you know that to put a baby up for adoption, you have to have the father's consent? You might also be aware that some men are terrible father candidates. They might also use blackmail and insist that they will keep the child, despite the fact that few are as poorly suited to fatherhood as they are. 

I think in all but exceptional cases, abortion should be agreed on by both. But there are exceptional cases. That doesn't make the women who choose it malicious or terrible. It makes them out of options.


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## Kermitty

No matter what anyone says on this site, the final decision is up to you and your husband on what to do. Don't let other people make you feel guilty about the choice you make and the reason you make that choice. After all, You and your husband are the ones who will live with whatever you decide to do. Whatever happens, you must make a promise to yourself and each other that you will not look back with regret or feel resentment towards each other. its easier said then done but i know its the key to living with decisions like these.


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## Tikii

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Respectfully, as you have admittedly NEVER been pregnant, I can see where you would NOT understand what it is like to be pregnant. Being pregnant for 9 months is not always a breeze that she can fly through and then give her baby up for adoption. Pregnancy is NOT always easy...physically OR emotionally.
> 
> Likewise, I would NEVER presume to know the frustrations and heartbreak of dealing with infertility for years.
> 
> I just think that we should be circumspect in making PERSONAL moral judgements (the bolded part is judgemental) on other peoples lives about which we know VERY LITTLE. Offering advice, YES; pushing OUR agenda, NO.


 No where did I EVER say I had never been pregnant, but nice assumption anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tikii

gbrad said:


> If you think that God has a plan for those who have not been able to conceive even when trying for years, then what makes you think you being pregnant isn't part of a plan. You can't just have it one way to make your argument for your side and ignore the other half of it.


This 

How can you preach that it's Gods plan for one person to not have children, get turn around and want an abortion? It was Gods plan for you to get pregnant, and to terminate the pregnancy is not his will. The card turns both ways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Interlocutor

BarelyThere said:


> Did you know that to put a baby up for adoption, you have to have the father's consent? You might also be aware that some men are terrible father candidates. They might also use blackmail and insist that they will keep the child, despite the fact that few are as poorly suited to fatherhood as they are.
> 
> I think in all but exceptional cases, abortion should be agreed on by both. But there are exceptional cases. That doesn't make the women who choose it malicious or terrible. It makes them out of options.


Exceptional cases... Well, in an exceptional case, for example, where a mentally ill pregnant wife tries to take a bunch of pills in a hysterical/manic episode to self-abort her own child, a father might be justified in stopping her, effectively deciding unilaterally without her input that the child be kept, at least for that day... Does he have that right? Not generally, but in this case he might to protect both mother and future child from an irrational decision sprung by mental illness.

I can imagine that exceptional cases aside, meaning two rational adults who can discuss future parenting decisions, if a parent DOES make the decision by himself/herself, YES it is malicious, thus why they are done behind someone's back... Good/right decisions concerning abortion, if indeed it is the RIGHT decision, WOULDN'T need to be done behind anyone's back I'm sure you'll agree.

And of course a father has the right to insist on keeping the child if he disagreed with adoption... Good! I'm GLAD we have those laws to protect us. Would a father have a right to insist on giving a child up for adoption against the mother's wishes on the basis that he felt she was a terrible "mother candidate?" The truth is, if he really was such a bad father candidate, his child would be taken by the state anyway, which sadly happens at all in this country. That is NOT an option to abort or "out of options" or whatever! How arrogant if a woman were to think so in that case... Could I take my child's life if he was going to end up with his mom whom I felt was a bad "candidate?" How malicious of a father could I be?


It breaks my heart to even imagine aborted children whose fathers never even knew their existence, fathers who would have badly wanted to know.

Again, unless there's a WEIRD exceptional circumstance, abortion needs to be decided by BOTH parents who agree, even if the mom thinks the father is a "bad candidate."


----------



## Tikii

maeby said:


> When I started this thread I told myself that I wouldn't respond to people who want to force their opinion of such a touchy subject on me. However, I too would like to voice my opinion.
> 
> In no way do I take this lightly. If I didn't already have a child, it would be different and perhaps I would take it less seriously. I have considered that what is inside of me would eventually become my daughter's little brother or sister. I know that I would love him or her and I know that for the most part, I would not regret having them. I also know that I would not be able to give them up for adoption and I doubt that anyone suggesting it has done it themselves. I don't fully agree with the idea about how courageous an act it is. I think it is unfair to bring a life into the world without wanting it. However, there are exceptions to every rule. Remember that I said that.
> 
> Also, to the person who is dealing with infertility troubles: I am deeply sorry that you have been burdened with that. If I could give you my fertility, I would. That is not to say that I don't appreciate my ability to have children. However, perhaps it is God's will that you have not been able to create life. Maybe He has some very good reason that He does not want you to have children, and maybe you should take a hard look at yourself before you start judging others. How dare you ask how I can look at my daughter and think it would be better for her to be dead. I have not said anything to warrant that sort of thinking on your part.
> Furthermore, I understand that there are couples out there who are praying for what I have. I also understand that there are people all around the world praying for food, for safety, and for all sorts of things that you and I both have, yet neither of us is sacrificing what we have for those people.
> So, your argument there is invalid. Simply because other people want something, does not mean it falls to others to give.
> 
> 
> Now, I am of the belief that life starts not at conception, but at birth. Obviously, what is in the womb is alive, but I don't believe it has a soul until it's life begins.


I have a few choice words for someone so cold and ignorant, but I'll be the lady here and just say that you're wrong. God isn't deciding if I have children, it's a fluke disease that plagued my body, that I had no control over. I am a good person, and if God really had an interest in conception, people like you would be the ones infertile.

You may not give to others in poor situations, but that doesn't mean I do not. 

So you believe it's okay to stick a knife into a baby's head as it's crowning, because it's not alive, since it hasn't been birthed yet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BarelyThere

Interlocutor said:


> And of course a father has the right to insist on keeping the child if he disagreed with adoption... Good! I'm GLAD we have those laws to protect us. Would a father have a right to insist on giving a child up for adoption against the mother's wishes on the basis that he felt she was a terrible "mother candidate?" The truth is, if he really was such a bad father candidate, his child would be taken by the state anyway, which sadly happens at all in this country. That is NOT an option to abort! How arrogant if a woman were to think so in that case... Could I take my child's life if he was going to end up with his mom whom I felt was a bad "candidate?" How malicious of a father could I be?


Those are good points and I completely agree that both parents should have a say, except of course in those exceptional cases. The problem, however, is that the laws are slanted in favor of abortion. I don't know what to think about the laws as they exist now. 

I do remember being a terrified teenager trying to make the right decision while the pregnancy centers were pushing abortion. At the very least, there needs to be a greater effort to inform mothers about all options and stop painting fathers as the bad guy.

There's a reason it's such a hotly contested topic.


----------



## fightit01

Once again, you can't come to this forum and expect to get answers opposite of what most stand for on here. Most will tell you how they struggled with the same problem but coincidentally all came to the same conclusion...now i have a child that i love more than the world...yada yada yada! This is what you do, ....buy some home equipment medical device with a medical pay flex card or other credit card, say it's for one of your elder parents, when it gets to you sell it ! buy a few items like that if you need too. Then sell it for straight cash! Enough to cover the cost of terminating the pregnancy. Then find a Plan Prnthd, if that's too much, find an Indian Reservation. It my be less costly. Then do the deed! These people on here only stand for judging others and want to execute their own opinions as orders.You need to look out for you, they're not gonna help you raise another child, and will only complain about having too many people in this country already. Most don't want Mexican Nationals here but say it's ok for you to have all the babies you accidentally don't want. People are people once they're here. Good luck and I hope you have a good friend you can trust, cause you may need some help. If not...call a taxi !!!!


----------



## Tikii

How dare I ask that? It's the situation you are in. The child inside you, could have been your daughter. You could be looking into the face of the child you want to terminate. How dare you say I've done something so wrong that J don't deserve kids. Se how that works both ways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

> Originally posted by Tikii:
> As a woman who has struggled with infertility for the entire time I've been married, plus some,


Sorry you found my ASSUMPTION so insulting, Tikii; from your above quote, *I* don't think it's such a stupid assumption.


----------



## Kermitty

Tikii said:


> So you believe it's okay to stick a knife into a baby's head as it's crowning, because it's not alive, since it hasn't been birthed yet?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, that is exactly what anyone who is prochoice is saying ....
Sheesh, this isn't a post about wether abortion is right or wrong.


----------



## Tikii

Infertility doesn't mean someone had never been pregnant. It's better to ask, than assume.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Sorry you found my ASSUMPTION so insulting, Tikii; from your above quote, *I* don't think it's such a stupid assumption.


Just because someone struggles with infertility, doesn't mean they have never been pregnant. Some have had miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage and then have been unable to become pregnant after that.


----------



## BarelyThere

I didn't get that everyone is shoving their opinions on her. I rather thought, for the most part, people were offering advice from their own individual experiences to help her make an informed decision. 

I wish I had known what it would be like 10 years down the road when I buried my son and realized just how precious life is. I would have made a completely different choice back then. Everyone deserves to know, even if the answers aren't all sunshine and roses.


----------



## fightit01

BarelyThere said:


> I didn't get that everyone is shoving their opinions on her. I rather thought, for the most part, people were offering advice from their own individual experiences to help her make an informed decision.
> 
> I wish I had known what it would be like 10 years down the road when I buried my son and realized just how precious life is. I would have made a completely different choice back then. Everyone deserves to know, even if the answers aren't all sunshine and roses.


Just what I mean, another sad story without focusing on the issue. This is not about YOU! ..And it's not illegal to sell something, this isn't a communist country!!!


----------



## Interlocutor

BarelyThere said:


> Those are good points and I completely agree that both parents should have a say, except of course in those exceptional cases. The problem, however, is that the laws are slanted in favor of abortion. I don't know what to think about the laws as they exist now.
> 
> I do remember being a terrified teenager trying to make the right decision while the pregnancy centers were pushing abortion. At the very least, there needs to be a greater effort to inform mothers about all options and stop painting fathers as the bad guy.
> 
> There's a reason it's such a hotly contested topic.


Yes, that is a problem.

Having never been in one of those centers, being a male and all, I had no idea that they were like that... They really push you that way? Oh man...


----------



## fightit01

Stop replying to my post. This person is asking for ideas other than those she may have already thought of. I get...whisper....she knows she can have and keep the baby already!!!!


----------



## Interlocutor

fightit01 said:


> Just what I mean, another sad story without focusing on the issue. This is not about YOU! ..And it's not illegal to sell something, this isn't a communist country!!!


And in a non-communist country, customers can negatively review a product or service, correct?


----------



## BarelyThere

fightit01 said:


> Just what I mean, another sad story without focusing on the issue. This is not about YOU! ..And it's not illegal to sell something, this isn't a communist country!!!


No, I misunderstood the first part and have edited out my response. It isn't illegal.

As for making it about me, not at all. If someone comes to an advice forum, how else do people respond to them and offer advice if not drawing on their own experiences? Do you not make better decisions when you have a clearer picture of all possible scenarios?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

maeby said:


> Thank you all for your responses.
> 
> As far as adoption goes, there is just no way I could give my child away. I suppose I commend women who are able to, but I don't understand how they could possibly do it.


I understand how heart-wrenching such a decision would be. And granted, I happen to know my birth mother was single and just completing her last year of high school. I knew enough to track her down. I know who she is but have not approached her - she lives halfway across the US from me.

She is an osteopathic physician. She did the most difficult, selfless and loving thing a mother could do - she made a huge personal sacrifice to ensure my happiness in a loving, complete home. And in turn she was able to devote herself to helping others for a lifetime. I wouldn't have wanted to take that away from her.

I don't know if she has other children, if her spouse knows, etc. so I'm not sure I want to open that can of worms. But sometimes I wish I could just reach out and tell her "Thank you" and reassure her that she did the right thing. I'd hate to think she feels guilt. I never felt unwanted because I knew my adoptive parents wanted me very very much.


----------



## fightit01

BarelyThere said:


> No, I misunderstood the first part and have edited out my response. It isn't illegal.
> 
> As for making it about me, not at all. If someone comes to an advice forum, how else do people respond to them and offer advice if not drawing on their own experiences? Do you not make better decisions when you have a clearer picture of all possible scenarios?


If I had to rely on my own experiences, I'd be a horrible decision maker, but fortunately for me I focus on a win-win scenario, you should try it sometime !


----------



## Maricha75

BarelyThere said:


> Did you know that to put a baby up for adoption, you have to have the father's consent? You might also be aware that some men are terrible father candidates. They might also use blackmail and insist that they will keep the child, despite the fact that few are as poorly suited to fatherhood as they are.
> 
> I think in all but exceptional cases, abortion should be agreed on by both. But there are exceptional cases. That doesn't make the women who choose it malicious or terrible. It makes them out of options.


I understand why some are bringing this into the discussion....sort of. But the fact is, NOWHERE in the OP's posts, did she EVER imply that her husband is poor father material. Nor did she ever say that he doesn't help, or wouldn't help with a second child. What I have gotten from her posts is, really, "I want an abortion, my husband doesn't want me to get one. How can I make him agree with me?" The fact is, she CAN'T make him agree. SOME people are completely, morally opposed to abortion in ALL circumstances. SOME are morally opposed EXCEPT in special circumstances (i.e. continuing the pregnancy would be detrimental to the mother or the child, and one would die, regardless...if not both). SOME are ok with it under any circumstances. Like I said, maeby can't MAKE her husband agree with her POV. Sure, she could get it against his wishes. But if she does, she better prepare herself for the likelihood that he will resent her for it. Yes, I know, equally likely that she will resent him if he "wins" the disagreement and she has the baby. 

Now, I do recall maeby saying something about God not allowing people to have children for a reason. Honestly, I cringed when I read that. I have never dealt with infertility, myself. But I have friends who have. That comment was very hurtful, and uncalled for. I understand where tikii(?) was coming from when saying about looking in your child's eyes, etc. She was saying that because the child you are wanting to abort could just as easily have been the child you have now. You could have just as easily chosen to abort her two years ago. THAT is the point she was trying to make. Now, I am not sure if you are a Christian, but you did make reference to God in your post, maeby. And, you said that you believe life begins at birth? Well, I would think, if you are a Christian, you would believe what God says... that life begins at conception, well, even before that, actually. But maybe I am wrong, maeby... maybe you are not a Christian.

Anyway, my point here is that maeby has not said her husband is bad father material. She has not said that he doesn't help with their daughter. She just doesn't want to have the baby she is carrying now. THAT is what this all boils down to.


----------



## pidge70

fightit01 said:


> Once again, you can't come to this forum and expect to get answers opposite of what most stand for on here. Most will tell you how they struggled with the same problem but coincidentally all came to the same conclusion...now i have a child that i love more than the world...yada yada yada! This is what you do, ....buy some home equipment medical device with a medical pay flex card or other credit card, say it's for one of your elder parents, when it gets to you sell it ! buy a few items like that if you need too. Then sell it for straight cash! Enough to cover the cost of terminating the pregnancy. Then find a Plan Prnthd, if that's too much, find an Indian Reservation. It my be less costly. Then do the deed! These people on here only stand for judging others and want to execute their own opinions as orders.You need to look out for you, they're not gonna help you raise another child, and will only complain about having too many people in this country already. Most don't want Mexican Nationals here but say it's ok for you to have all the babies you accidentally don't want. People are people once they're here. Good luck and I hope you have a good friend you can trust, cause you may need some help. If not...call a taxi !!!!


So, your advice is to tell the OP to do something illegal to gain money? Also, with do Mexican Nationals have to do with this thread?


----------



## Interlocutor

What I learned from some posters in this thread.

1. In this country, there are a few women who feel that women could get abortions behind the back of the father of the child.

2. In this country, there is a problem with Mexican Nationals.

3. In this country, medical equipment is a lucrative field for would-be entrepreneurs.


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## BarelyThere

Maricha75 said:


> I understand why some are bringing this into the discussion....sort of. But the fact is, NOWHERE in the OP's posts, did she EVER imply that her husband is poor father material.


No, sorry, this isn't directed at the OP. The thread sort of derailed and I hopped on. 

I hate to be the one to start it, but I _was _thinking that maybe a new thread might be in order to continue the debate? If that's allowed?


----------



## fightit01

pidge70 said:


> So, your advice is to tell the OP to do something illegal to gain money? Also, with do Mexican Nationals have to do with this thread?


Most are always whining about not wanting people from Mexico here cause we already have too many people in this country but their answer is to encourage women to have more babies??? I'm still struggling with that...

It's not illegal for her to buy and sell, check our business commerce.besides It's just an idea to get her down that path to obtaining funds w/o the joint acct. looking suspect.


----------



## Interlocutor

fightit01 said:


> Most are always whining about not wanting people from Mexico here cause we already have too many people in this country but their answer is to encourage women to have more babies??? I'm still struggling with that...
> 
> It's not illegal for her to buy and sell, check our business commerce.besides *It's just an idea to get her down that path to obtaining funds w/o the joint acct. looking suspect.*


REAL QUICK...

Are you a woman?


----------



## fightit01

Good to know all about who you really are???


----------



## Cosmos

Zig said:


> The fact that multiple women have posted here stating that keeping an abortion secret from your husband is perfectly OK is really, really, really disturbing.


You can count me out of that one, Zig. IMO, that is not the sort of secret a wife has the right to keep from her husband.


----------



## Maricha75

fightit01 said:


> Most are always whining about not wanting people from Mexico here cause we already have too many people in this country but their answer is to encourage women to have more babies??? I'm still struggling with that...


No, people complain about ILLEGAL immigrants because *gasp* they aren't coming here LEGALLY. What a concept.  If they were coming here legally, there would be no issue.



fightit01 said:


> It's not illegal for her to buy and sell, check our business commerce.besides It's just an idea to get her down that path to obtaining funds w/o the joint acct. looking suspect.


Yes, because CLEARLY you need to DECEIVE your spouse to strengthen a marriage. Wow...


Now, can we get back to the topic at hand?


----------



## fightit01

Oh did it say women only? I miss that part....ooppss...disregard then! NOT !!!!


----------



## TiggyBlue

maeby said:


> My husband is a good father but most of the parenting falls in my hands, as he is busy with work and everything else he does. I do resent him for never being the one to wake up in the middle of the night with our daughter and for everything else he expects me to do. Our daughter will be potty trained and *hopefully* sleeping through the night soon; I don't want to sign up for another two years of diapers and nighttime feeding.


If this is a big part of the problem, maybe talk to your husband and see if you both can find a compromise with night time feedings, potty training ect.


----------



## pidge70

Interlocutor said:


> REAL QUICK...
> 
> Are you a woman?


I'm thinking it's a man.

Edit to add: A young uneducated man.


----------



## Maricha75

pidge70 said:


> I'm thinking it's a man.


I'm thinking.... something else


----------



## Interlocutor

pidge70 said:


> I'm thinking it's a man.


I thought the same too until the bolded part in my last quoted post, then I thought afterward it might be some hyper-liberated hipster chick whom I could add to the informal list I'm making of women in this thread who feel it's okay to withhold decisions to abort children from the biological fathers...


----------



## fightit01

Naturally, these would be the type of responses I expected. Typical M.O., gang up on those who don't agree with you because your own are too weak to stand alone. I get it, but if you think she is asking you guys your opinions on your pro life stance......forget it! She's looking for ideas of an out....imagine that.


----------



## TiggyBlue

I only saw 1 woman say that, was there more I was just skimming?


----------



## Interlocutor

fightit01 said:


> Naturally, these would be the type of responses I expected. Typical M.O., gang up on those who don't agree with you because your own are too weak to stand alone. I get it, but if you think she is asking you guys your opinions on your pro life stnce......forget it!


You expected people to gang up on you at a Pro-Marriage site after mentioning that a mother should keep a secret abortion account in the bank? How? Uncanny! A clairvoyant!


----------



## fightit01

I know innocent, no one's done worse huh?


----------



## norajane

maeby said:


> Thank you all for your responses.
> 
> In regards to not telling my husband I was pregnant and having an abortion behind his back: We have a joint bank account so he would notice $500 going missing, and I wouldn't ask my family to pay for it. Besides that, it's an awfully big secret to keep from the person with whom you are supposed to have no secrets from. How can I expect our marriage to work if I am willing to abort his child behind his back without his knowledge?
> 
> As far as adoption goes, there is just no way I could give my child away. I suppose I commend women who are able to, but I don't understand how they could possibly do it.
> 
> *My husband is a good father but most of the parenting falls in my hands, as he is busy with work and everything else he does. I do resent him for never being the one to wake up in the middle of the night with our daughter and for everything else he expects me to do. Our daughter will be potty trained and *hopefully* sleeping through the night soon; I don't want to sign up for another two years of diapers and nighttime feedings.
> 
> And when it comes to finances, I have $6,000 in medical bills from my appendectomy. In addition to that, both of us are in need of new vehicles, our bills are high, and my job is seasonal and doesn't resume until spring. *
> 
> I did send my husband a text earlier, saying that I don't want another baby and that I want an abortion. Surprisingly, he said that it is my body and that it wasn't ideal, but "ok". When he gets home I will talk to him more and be sure that he is comfortable with it. If he absolutely cannot support me in my decision, then I won't go through with it.


If what I highlighted in bold are your reasons for not wanting another child, ask your husband to think about how to address those issues with you. And then talk them all through thoroughly and honestly. 

Men are problem solvers. Maybe he can come up with some concrete plans on how to manage another child - he can agree to do specific things to help out more or he can take a second part-time job until your finances are under control. If he wants this child, maybe he can show you how it could be possible and not as much of a burden as you fear.


> If he absolutely cannot support me in my decision, then I won't go through with it.


My guess is that's probably best for your marriage as a whole. A man who feels very strongly against abortion will have a very hard time dealing with what he sees as the loss of a child, and that will impact your marriage. Having the baby also impacts your marriage. This is a turning point for you both, whatever you decide. Good luck.


----------



## Maricha75

FrenchFry said:


> What are you planning on doing with this list?
> 
> Weird dude.


I think it's more weird for someone to come on here and suggest ways for maeby to raise money to have a secret abortion... and lying to her husband in the process. You know, a man she has not said is bad in any way, just that he doesn't agree with aborting their baby. Hmmm.... maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the weird one who wouldn't lie to my husband like that. :scratchhead:


----------



## Interlocutor

FrenchFry said:


> What are you planning on doing with this list?
> 
> Weird dude.


Please, don't take certain things I write literally, but recognizing such cases in writing such as figurative language and other literary devices please glean an alternate interpretation if you can.


----------



## gbrad

fightit01 said:


> Naturally, these would be the type of responses I expected. Typical M.O., gang up on those who don't agree with you because your own are too weak to stand alone. I get it, but if you think she is asking you guys your opinions on your pro life stance......forget it! She's looking for ideas of an out....imagine that.


How many options do you think there really are. 

1. Have the baby and raise it

2. Carry the baby and give it up for adoption

3. Abort the baby

As far as many people are concerned, only the top 2 are real options. Whether you like those options or not, all actions have consequences, you find a way to make the best of it.


----------



## TeaLeaves4

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Respectfully, as you have admittedly NEVER been pregnant, I can see where you would NOT understand what it is like to be pregnant. Being pregnant for 9 months is not always a breeze that she can fly through and then give her baby up for adoption. Pregnancy is NOT always easy...physically OR emotionally.
> 
> Likewise, I would NEVER presume to know the frustrations and heartbreak of dealing with infertility for years.
> 
> I just think that we should be circumspect in making PERSONAL moral judgements (the bolded part is judgemental) on other peoples lives about which we know VERY LITTLE. Offering advice, YES; pushing OUR agenda, NO.


Well, I've had four children so I do know what it's like. It's tough, yes. But it's not a political agenda. It's a life that's already there. I really don't know how anyone can dispute that, but spare me I've already heard many people try. and its just a total alien concept to me for someone to say they are considering abortion but could *never* consider adoption because that would be too hard. 

IMO, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime, as they say. Get on birth control. Failing that, face up to your responsibilities or give the child to someone who will. Sure that would be hard, but doing the *right* thing is not always easy. Isn't that what so many preach on this site?


----------



## TeaLeaves4

maeby said:


> When I started this thread I told myself that I wouldn't respond to people who want to force their opinion of such a touchy subject on me. However, I too would like to voice my opinion.
> 
> In no way do I take this lightly. If I didn't already have a child, it would be different and perhaps I would take it less seriously. I have considered that what is inside of me would eventually become my daughter's little brother or sister. I know that I would love him or her and I know that for the most part, I would not regret having them. I also know that I would not be able to give them up for adoption and I doubt that anyone suggesting it has done it themselves. I don't fully agree with the idea about how courageous an act it is. I think it is unfair to bring a life into the world without wanting it. However, there are exceptions to every rule. Remember that I said that.
> 
> Also, to the person who is dealing with infertility troubles: I am deeply sorry that you have been burdened with that. If I could give you my fertility, I would. That is not to say that I don't appreciate my ability to have children. However, perhaps it is God's will that you have not been able to create life. Maybe He has some very good reason that He does not want you to have children, and maybe you should take a hard look at yourself before you start judging others. How dare you ask how I can look at my daughter and think it would be better for her to be dead. I have not said anything to warrant that sort of thinking on your part.
> Furthermore, I understand that there are couples out there who are praying for what I have. I also understand that there are people all around the world praying for food, for safety, and for all sorts of things that you and I both have, yet neither of us is sacrificing what we have for those people.
> So, your argument there is invalid. Simply because other people want something, does not mean it falls to others to give.
> 
> 
> Now, I am of the belief that life starts not at conception, but at birth. Obviously, what is in the womb is alive, but I don't believe it has a soul until it's life begins.


That's kind of magical thinking to say you believe that what's inside of you is alive, but doesn't acquire a soul until birth. So whatever moment it's born, suddenly in pops the soul? That's convenient thinking. 

If you believe an infertile woman wasn't supposed to have children, why don't you believe that by the virtue of your own fertility, you WERE?


----------



## See_Listen_Love

maeby said:


> Hi Everybody,
> 
> My husband of two years and I discovered yesterday that I am pregnant. We already have a two year old daughter. I am overwhelmed with one child and cannot imagine having another one. We aren't really financially stable enough to have another child either and we were both content for her to be an only child.
> 
> *Obviously though, we got lazy and didn't use protection and now I'm pregnant. I can't express how sad this makes me and how badly I don't want to have another baby.* My husband doesn't believe in abortion and says it's too late and now we're having a baby. How can he make me do this, knowing how much I don't want it?
> 
> I'm not going to run off and have an abortion behind his back. What I wonder is if I might be able make him realize that this is a terrible idea and get him to agree to let me take care of it, or if it's pointless to even try.
> 
> Please don't tell me that abortion is murder and I'll go to hell. I recognize that side of the issue but you'd be wasting your time.


No, that is not true. You DID want another baby. 

But not the You that lives in a sad, sorry, miserable reality now. This You wants to be a child, be taken care off, have no responsibilty, can't cope with a child and marriage. This child is not even Your child, this You is not able to be a mother.

The You that 'forgot' about protection though, is the You underneath, that fights for survival. That You is trying to come to your consciousness, is trying forcefully to procreate, to fullfill the human destiny successfully. That You is hoping to recreate your life, generate a changed future. 

That You tries to beat the laziness, the misery, fights out of the mud of problems. That You, if winning, will look back on these fights later on with the satisfaction of having done something real important in life. Something that really mathers. Love and happiness.


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## [email protected]

Kill the one you already have & bring birth to the new!!!... It doesn't make any difference!!.. Your negligence is not the mistake of the baby who's heart is already beating...


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