# More Background - If You Like Long Mysteries...



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Ok, I'm posting this more or less to just clear my head (spinning out of control tonight), and possibly get feedback. 

Let's make this clear from the get-go that I HAVE LEFT my husband and I intend to file when I have the means. This is fresh... Only a week or so since I've left him and everything else behind, so if you're going to be harsh or make fun, I'm not really in the emotional space to deal with that appreciatively right now....

For those of you who have not been following my threads, "M" is a 'good' male friend of mine, (completely platonic since day one), of almost 9 years. 

"J" is M's ex-girlfriend together 5 years, separated almost 1.5. Also a very good friend of mine.

M recently (about 2 months ago) introduced me to "K", a male friend he's known for 2 years. K and I became extremely close right off the bat.... We can talk for hours about anything, and often do. But before you think "EA"... Read on....

Myself, H, M and J used to spend a lot of couples time together, doing birthdays with our kids, hiking, bbq's, etc. J and I also spend a lot of girl time together, shopping, etc. M and H, as far as I knew, only associated when J and I were around during our get togethers, never one on one, AS FAR AS I KNOW.

In 2012, J and M were having a rough patch, and J revealed to me that she had found that M posted ads on Craigslist, under m4m in personals. (This personally did not shock me one bit). She had had her suspicions, and quite easily found the posts because M had included his real phone number in the ads, as well as photos, which I saw for myself, and they were most DEFINITELY M.

J and M ended up separating permanently about a year later, but I've kept in contact with both, but usually more with J until recently. 

Around the same time, (mid 2013), my H and I separated for about 7 months, give or take, for different reasons. We reconciled in early 2014 and resumed our relationship and living together. Briefly, M had accused J and my H of sleeping together, which both denied and it was basically chalked up to jealousy in the end. We got over it and all had been pretty good for us, I thought, until mid 2015.

I hadn't spoken to M in a few months (as things go when you're in a male/female friendship and you have SO's), when in June he texted me, out of the blue, just saying hi and wanting to catch up. This was not unusual. We'd had many ebbs and flows through the years. Thought nothing of it at all.

J and I still spent regular time together and enjoy a fairly healthy friendship, although she has a new boyfriend as of 6 months, and pretty much spends all of her free time with him. I know how it goes and I'm happy for her. I've met him a few times and he does seem like a very nice man.

Have you gotten this far? Shall we break for a small recess? I'd hand out Gold Stars... But there is much, much more to come....

H began acting strangely, sexually and otherwise, about Feb 2015. I remember once we made love all night, and over and over again he just kept telling me he loved me.... And he never does that. It was excessive to the point where I am almost thinking ("SHUT UP") in my mind... We've never had sex like that before or since. In fact, he's usually so distant and aloof, that it really shocked me; in a way I was absorbed, yet alarmed.... It was... WOW.

Then we'd go a month without sex at all. Then he'd want sex 4 times in one day. Then another month without. This pretty much continued for months.

H wouldn't be able to sleep at night... He'd just lie there and stare at the ceiling and when I'd ask what was wrong or what he was thinking about, he'd get upset and annoyed. H LOVES sleep. It's his favorite past time, hobby, and if he could get paid for it, he'd be a rich man. Sometimes he'd leave to sleep downstairs, which hurt me a lot.

Our sex life took on a new pattern in which he only seemed to want sex just before 'that time of the month' every month. We joked that my hormones must be screaming for him by that point, and I was okay with that. We've been married 5 years so I believed it is natural to slow down a bit.

H became more and more grouchy and critical. Less responsive to affection and less giving. Things about me that he overlooked for years suddenly became daily fights. If he wasn't dissecting me he was completely ignoring me. Simple trips to the Walgreens 1.6 miles away became 2-3 hour excursions with no reasonable explanation given. (This is pertinent to me, as I'd later find out that K lives just around the corner from us, about 3 miles away).

H usually drinks beer and handles it well due to tolerance... But on several occasions he'd drink his "normal" amount, but his behavior was like he'd had much more, or combined alcohol with something. He'd say and do some outright bizarre things to the point where I was actually afraid he was developing a severe mental physiological issue, like a brain tumor or something. 

This occurred a few times and I pointed it out to him, then it stopped. Now he drinks his normal amount and acts accordingly.

M and I have been in regular contact now (a few times a month) since he is adjusting to J having a new boyfriend, and frankly, he is having a hard time with it, even though they've been separated quite a while.

One day M invited me over to visit and introduced me to K. And K and I really hit it off from the start. We are almost psychic twins. I just adore and connect to his being in so many ways, and he to me....

I felt M and K's relationship was very, very, very different from most platonic male/male friendships from the very beginning. Lacking all physical contact, (at least in my presence), they were, in every essence, a husband and wife. I found it just adorable, and knowing M, I was not surprised. K and I were soon like gossiping old hens and I just thoroughly and completely enjoyed his company and our deep, hours long conversations or our rants. I felt like we can explore and connect the extremes of our minds together whereas other people might have us committed... He and I have a truly "special" friendship, made all the more "safe" for me because he is gay. (Yes, he JUST came out to me yesterday).

Moving on, I noticed in July that my H had a Google + and Hangouts accounts, which I was totally clueless about. In fact, I happened upon it, and realized after some investigating, that H actually has more than one + account. The THIRD account came AFTER the confrontation. One account he even has listed in his own phone contacts as 'The Real Account'. All Google + names are the same name with different capitalizations to distinguish them. One he gave me the password for, I believe, in the attempt to throw me off his trail.

On the "Real Account" my H has only TWO friends, one is himself (the "fake account" that I now have access into), and the other person is none other than M! This was mind blowing to me, considering they had not exchanged numbers or had any hobbies or interests together in two years... That I knew of.

As K and I continued to get closer, we spoke respectively about our relationship troubles with our "men". (At this point I still believed M and K were just "friends" but suspected more). I had growing suspicions and confusion over H's motivation/agenda to hide and lie about his accounts, going through the extremes to create multiple accounts and hiding/obscuring the account that included M as his "friend".

M and K had an argument one night while I was there, and K left. I must have sung too many praises for K, because M randomly and pointedly asked me if I liked/was attracted to/was interested in K as more than a friend.
It caught me off guard. I hadn't even thought about it, and replied that, in some ways yes, and in some ways no. M then revealed to me, in a sort of strange way, (meaning I don't know if he was lying, telling the truth or had some other reason to throw me off), that they'd met through m4m on Craigslist. (M is still in the closet as of yet, but fails to be aware that he outted himself in this confession as well). 

I revealed to M that I knew and had been observing, that he and my H had been Google+ friends for quite some time and suspected he knew more then he was letting on about my H's activity as I'd found it's very difficult to find those who want to remain hidden and quite easy to block those who may look for you..

M deleted his ENTIRE profile the next day. He lied and said he simply removed the app from his phone because it drained sooo much power all the sudden. A quick check on the computer revealed no profiles for him, so I know its gone.... 

I did not think, at the time, that M and K were in a relationship, but now I realize that confronting M in front of K about my H could very well have exposed him, if he was cheating on K, and IF he was cheating with my H.

So I realize this is all very, VERY confusing and I am almost certain I left out 100 different details.... But this is where I am at the moment... 

Is it crazy to think H, M and K might have some sort of love triangle going on here??


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think it doesn't matter what exactly is going on, only that you know something is going on and it's consuming you.

Your life currently reads like a soap opera. At some point, you need to focus on the road ahead of you instead of all this crap around you. Is your husband really going to be a part of your future? Think on that. I don't see that you have a future together, but I'm not in your shoes.

You both think the other is cheating. Your life must be an exhausting emotional roller coaster. Is the relationship worth all of this aggro?


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Well I have to deal with him because we have a child together...


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Well, for the sake of your child maybe you should just let it be water under the bridge. Staying messed up in this drama won't help you maintain proper boundaries with him, or help you remain on friendly terms. You both have a child to raise still, so focus on that. You're separated, intending to file for divorce; his relationship dramas are going to drive you nuts if you don't get some distance from them.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

So to summarize you left your husband and are wondering if he and your friends are in a love triangle? The answer to this will come out during the divorce, they will gravitate toward you or toward him.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm curious how in the world you didn't realize M and K were actually lovers, especially since M told you they met on CL M4M. And I'm also curious why you think M doesn't realized he outed himself as gay revealing that tidbit to you. I think he knows he is gay and he's ok with you and everyone else knowing too.

I don't understand why M and your H would need to have Google+ accounts to have an affair. It's a bizarre element to this soap opera.

I think you should just ask K what the heck is going on with the three of them.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I agree. It's very very curious at the very least. And I do want to know the extent on M'S involvement because he's been my friend for 9 years and he's getting the boot as well if he was involved with my H.

M is still in the closet, so to speak. K was pretty brave to reveal what he did, because we haven't known each other very long, and that's cool. I respect him.

The Google+ would have been convenient because I'd look through my H'S phone, and never would have suspected Google.

Only other thing I can think of is drugs. M and K do dabble in some things, but I don't know? My husband is a health nut but I know he used to like to take pills recreationally, whenever he can find them....

I'll probably see M and K sometime today and keep prodding... It's hard to get them apart to talk to them separately...


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

And the disclosure of M and K meeting on CL M4M was literally just told to me a few days ago.

That's too bad because K is a perfect gentleman....  Straight guys could learn a lot from him, lol!


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Really.... I just want to know I'm not going insane.... Because sometimes I think about this and just think it's too outlandish and bizarre and there MUST be an explanation...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

H is probably bi as is K.

M may have known if it run into H in the "scene" or whatever the gay / bi lifestyle in your area looks like. 

H may have had guilt and panic about exposure from time to time leading to marathon "heterosexual" sex


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's not beyond the realm of possibilities. There is no reason for the account to be deleted if there was no guilt there.

As someone said, you will see if M drops your as a friend now that your husband is free. 

Or maybe you could just come out and ask M.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I agree about the marathon sex being a result of... Something...

M is in clear denial, even though he "outted" himself and K admitted they at least had a "history"....

All three men have been very, very quiet for the past week or so... I'd been staying with M and K off/on until Halloween, whereas I have not heard much from either since...

Tonight I picked up H from work to drop him off, he said he wanted to "talk" about things, but I said firmly I was not discussing anything until he explained the "panty" situation. He holds firm that he is clueless. Even suggested putting another accountibility app on his phone (why?? If we are splitting???) Says he cannot pay bills on his own, I said that's "too bad"....

Talking in circles... So I left.

Have not heard from M or K.... Really adds to the atmosphere of a big secret between all, I think.....


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

So just wanted to add some info here...

"K" still a very close friend, introduced me to "C" a few weeks ago... "C" and I have a lot in common and although it took a while for a me to warm up to him (Once again, I don't like meeting new people and was 'tricked' into meeting him) I felt "C" and I became close quickly and I confided in him about much of what was going on as my ex escalated his attention getting tactics ('stealing' out car from the driveway in the middle of the night, texting me and letting me know when/where I was). This stalking resulted in me calling police and reporting the goings-on (including my ex entering the property where I was staying and going through my things on multiple occasions while I was not there).

After one of the incidents, "C" rushed over and was very concerned... He told me I was to pack my things and come stay with him. He waited with me for police and demonstrated caring and the general protectiveness any woman would like to see from a close friend or mate...

So me and my "girls" moved into "C"'s house with he and his girls. It was excruciating for all of us... I longed for space, all 4 of our dogs (all female!) were bickering and squabbling.... We were all so stressed... I had at least two panic attacks the first week alone. 

"C" and I eventually divided when one of my dogs attacked both of his dogs, two different incidents. (i had previously warned him of her propensity to do this).

We eventually began to talk again and once while I was with "M" and "K", "M" had made a remark regarding something only "C" and I would know about, as was said privately between just us two. But it was generalized and I didn't give much thought to it...

I blew it off. Then "C" texted me not long after, after "K" confronted him, supposedly knowing something "C" had said to me in private as well and he believed I had told "K", which I had not.

Independent of my prior suspicions that I'm being somehow spyed upon, "C" came to the same conclusion rather quickly...

This has gone back and forth for a while now... "C" and I both believe "M" is behind it. Tonight we may have both discovered the same files on our phones eating up space and being undeletable on our phones, even the we have two different phones and two different carriers...


This is TBC.... But I am starting to feel crazy and not sure who I can trust....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think you need to focus on your child instead of all this drama with your friends.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I can't keep track of all the letter people... M, K, J, H, C...? Regardless, it seems like a lot of drama.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I've just assigned them names Mark, Karl, Joan, Chris, husband. It helps keep the genders and individuals separated. So to recap

Mark is bi

Joan was Mark's LTR, there are children and the they end the relationship 2 years ago. 

Karl is a friend of Mark and most likely is bi

Husband had a secret on line relationship with Mark

Chris is a friend of Mark's and the most recent addition. Mark may be jealous of OP and Chris's relationship. Recently they found unknown apps on both their phones.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

OP one quick question to start. Why the name "everything you are not"? Who s this addressed to?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

JohnA said:


> I've just assigned them names Mark, Karl, Joan, Chris, husband. It helps keep the genders and individuals separated. So to recap
> 
> Mark is bi
> 
> ...


On this weeks episode of "Soap"


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