# Two kids and fiancee...I don't know if I do though. HELP



## uwilltap1029 (Mar 15, 2013)

Crap- Sorry, title should have read "Two kids already and fiancee wants more...I don't know if I do though...HELP". I have no idea what happened. 

Hello everyone, 

My fiancee and I have been together for about 2.5 years and are getting married in October. Together we have two boys. Her son is 8 and mine is 4. She had her son at a young age and I had mine from a previous marriage. I should mention that I am "fixed" and cannot have any children without going through a reversal. I should also mention that I am currently in the middle of a custody battle against my ex-wife for my son. 

We are both in our 20's and are college graduates with pretty good jobs. Almost into my 30's, I am ready to start saving for some bigger things in life such as family vacations to Disney Land and Jet Ski's, not to mention my 2001 truck is getting beat up and will need replaced. 

My fiancee really wants to have another child. She mentions that she wants to "do it right with a man she loves" which I respect. She gets very upset when I tell her that I do not know if I want any more children. I feel very satisfied from the two children we currently have and feel they can be a handful. Between work, the house and our two children I do not feel that having another child will be best for our future marriage. The last thing I want to do is have a child and break our marriage. 

I am at a loss. I love my future wife and want to make her happy but this is such a big issue that having a child needs a lot of thought. Someone has got to lose in this which is the tough part. Maybe I have seen too many TV shows but I worry she will resent me so much that one day she will leave me. 

Of course counselling is an option but that will not change her deep desire for another child. 

What to do...

Thank you.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Well, "doing it right with a man she loves" means you both should be willing. I don't think you should "give-in" and say ok, I'll have another child. That will cause problems down the road.

Do you think you might change your mind in 5-10 years? What happens if you lose your custody battle? Does that increase or decrease your interest in having another?

I don't have a solution, but I don't think you should get married in October if you BOTH are not completely comfortable with how to resolve this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, I agree with the others. Do not get married until the two of you agree on this.

You also have two children who have been through a lot. They need to settled into a new life before any other childen are added.


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