# 2 years



## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

It has been 2 years since my divorce and 2 years of being remarried. I did the unthinkable. After 12 years of marriage my husband came home and told me he wanted a divorce. We have 2 children. I don't know why he wanted a divorce...other than we had a stillborn baby about a year prior and we both became depressed. As soon as the divorce papers were signed I remarried. I think I was afraid of being alone, finances, got caught up in my new romance after being rejected for years by my first husband. Nobody could convince me that it was a bad idea. I thought I was in a fairy tale. Everything was perfect. We didn't date for long, maybe 2 months (seriously bad idea! UGH!), but I was convinced that my husband was meant to be. That we were destined to be together and that he would treat me like a princess. Except that wasn't the case. It started with a lot of yelling, and making me feel terrible all the time. He got mad if I didn't do the laundry then got mad if I did the laundry wrong. He got mad if I didn't do things the way he liked them done or if I disagreed with him about anything. Then his kids. He has 3 kids (2 with special needs). One of his children lives with us full-time and the other 2 are over every other weekend. All of the sudden he stopped parenting. I love his kids and started helping, but now I am physically and emotionally burnt out. His daughter (12) that lives with us full-time is manipulative and a bully. He takes her side and gets caught up in her lies about 40% of the time. He tells me I am not nice to her that she feels like I hate her (all not true and part of her manipulation). I started to go to counseling, but counseling only works so fast and I am at my breaking point. I feel like my husband only loves me when we are in bed and he's holding me and tells me he loves me. The rest of the time I feel used and I feel like he is constantly annoyed with me because I am not the person he wants me to be. I am independent and want to travel the world! He is keeping me from any of those things. I bring up traveling and he says we have no money (but we make over 200k a year). My niece is having her first birthday party and tickets are $150 and he told me that if I go we won't be able to afford a family vacation this year. He was mad because I wouldn't be able to drive the 14 hours. I feel stuck and I feel like I am hoping for things to change but they aren't. My feelings are not changing. Sometimes things are amazing and I keep holding on to those moments, but they don't last very long and pretty soon I am in a depressed rut again. I am so depressed I want to curl into a ball and just sleep. And I don't know what is holding me back, but I am so afraid and I absolutely cannot afford and apartment with me and my boys even if I am working full-time as a teacher. The cost of rent is over $2000 a month and I make 3500 a month. This is insane!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Katiemelanie said:


> It has been 2 years since my divorce and 2 years of being remarried. I did the unthinkable. After 12 years of marriage my husband came home and told me he wanted a divorce. We have 2 children. I don't know why he wanted a divorce...other than we had a stillborn baby about a year prior and we both became depressed. As soon as the divorce papers were signed I remarried. I think I was afraid of being alone, finances, got caught up in my new romance after being rejected for years by my first husband. Nobody could convince me that it was a bad idea. I thought I was in a fairy tale. Everything was perfect. We didn't date for long, maybe 2 months (seriously bad idea! UGH!), but I was convinced that my husband was meant to be. That we were destined to be together and that he would treat me like a princess. Except that wasn't the case. It started with a lot of yelling, and making me feel terrible all the time. He got mad if I didn't do the laundry then got mad if I did the laundry wrong. He got mad if I didn't do things the way he liked them done or if I disagreed with him about anything. Then his kids. He has 3 kids (2 with special needs). One of his children lives with us full-time and the other 2 are over every other weekend. All of the sudden he stopped parenting. I love his kids and started helping, but now I am physically and emotionally burnt out. His daughter (12) that lives with us full-time is manipulative and a bully. He takes her side and gets caught up in her lies about 40% of the time. He tells me I am not nice to her that she feels like I hate her (all not true and part of her manipulation). I started to go to counseling, but counseling only works so fast and I am at my breaking point. I feel like my husband only loves me when we are in bed and he's holding me and tells me he loves me. The rest of the time I feel used and I feel like he is constantly annoyed with me because I am not the person he wants me to be. I am independent and want to travel the world! He is keeping me from any of those things. I bring up traveling and he says we have no money (but we make over 200k a year). My niece is having her first birthday party and tickets are $150 and he told me that if I go we won't be able to afford a family vacation this year. He was mad because I wouldn't be able to drive the 14 hours. I feel stuck and I feel like I am hoping for things to change but they aren't. My feelings are not changing. Sometimes things are amazing and I keep holding on to those moments, but they don't last very long and pretty soon I am in a depressed rut again. I am so depressed I want to curl into a ball and just sleep. And I don't know what is holding me back, but I am so afraid and I absolutely cannot afford and apartment with me and my boys even if I am working full-time as a teacher. The cost of rent is over $2000 a month and I make 3500 a month. This is insane!


You made a mistake out of fear of being alone. This mistake can be undone.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

You already know where you went wrong. You just need the courage to pull the plug. Like, yesterday.

Your husband is a first class azz and doesn't deserve you. But you already know this.

Stop operating under a paradigm of fear and being alone. Divorce this rat.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He is using you to take care of his children -- among other things -- and you know that but your fear of being alone is keeping you there. Unfortunately, you are the only one who can fix that problem (he's never going to leave -- why should he since he has the perfect set-up -- so you'll have to).


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

''I am independent and want to travel the world! He is keeping me from any of those things.''

No, you are keeping you from those things. When you have had enough, you'll leave. When the pain of not changing your situation becomes worse than the fear of the unknown, you'll then leave. And not a moment sooner. I hope you find the courage to change your situation, fear and all.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Being alone has got to be better than this!


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## Married27years (Jun 16, 2016)

He is using you for a babysitter and for sex. I would rather be alone with my children barely getting by then comfortable financially in this mess. Don't you get child support from your ex husband? If not I would file child support papers so you have more income to get out. Meanwhile stop doing his laundry since you aren't doing it right anyway (according to him) and stop parenting his children. They are his children and he needs to be the parent.


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