# The gut and the injury, your thoughts gals?



## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Ladies,

I have a question for you, read the whole thing if you want, or scroll to the bottom for the quick version.
When we got married I did a lot of physical work and was in decent shape. 
I've always been huge, I have a large frame and was a 6'-2" 223# freshman in high school that rode a bicycle everywhere and didn't have zip for fat on me. It was funny because I'd get an occasion senior girl that would hit on me, and no one ever duct taped me to my locker lol
I got married about the time things really started to go downhill in our locale, housing got really expensive and job opportunities started to wane, and I found myself working my full time job and a busienss selling shipping and installing things(also physical) on evenings and weekends trying to get ahead of the finances and get us a home. I had a high metabolism and pretty much ate everything and whatever I wanted and never had a problem with weight. 
The result, almost predictably looking back, was some occasional lower back pain which turned into more back pain which turned into all the time back pain and sleeplessness.
When I went in to have it x-rayed the doctor was shocked, he said it looked like a 60 year olds back and I'm 31. 
The lowest disc was squished to about 30% of it's original thickness and kinked my spine to the right, the two above it are herniated. Because this disc is so thin, the facets in my lower back grate against each other and inflame the whole area. It gets sore easily and my lower back actually gets hot to the touch when inflamed, which then agitates some nerves and makes my leg get this funny bone feeling shooting down it that gets worse the longer I "push it".
I was given a light duty work letter from there on and underwent some steroid injections, and more recently had the nerves burned in the facet area which provided some relief. It's not "bad enough" where insurance will cover spinal fusion, that's what I was really hoping for as I'd heard people having fusion and being back skiing, mountain biking, dirt biking, and bowling afterwards...all things I used to do.
I drove forklifts and trucks for the fabricator for awhile and ended up getting a job in management with my prior business management experience and have been there ever since. 
The problem, I now have a gut that won't go away, I'm about 265#'s now. It's not bad, I can still see my ****, but it's not good either. I've cut my eating way down, coffee for breakfast, whatever for lunch, and light dinners like soup salad and fruit, and it doesn't matter. 
If I grab a shovel, hold a kid for too long, weed-eat the yard, or do anything repetitive my back gets inflamed in minutes and that feeling that shoots down my leg tells me that's it for the day.
My wife is using it as an excuse to avoid sex saying I'm not attractive or sexy anymore. I try my best to keep up/catch up with yard work and maintenance on everything but with the pain everything takes a long time. My wife will scold me like I'm lazy and am using my back pain as an excuse and it's totally not true. I think this is BS. If you love someone you don't do this. My co-worker's wife had a stroke at 42 and lost a lot of her mobility and has gone from 110#'s to 160. He still loves her and they still have sex. I've about had it and if you read my other thread we're going to MC and have been talking D.

Sorry for the drawn out super detailed post......so the question ladies....where do you stand if such an event were to happen to your hubby where he gains weight via physical limitations from an accident, injury, stroke, etc?
Are you out the door to the next guys with a 6-pack or are you in it for the long haul?


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## MambaZee (Aug 6, 2013)

Sorry to hear about this, OP. I'm with the guy through thick and thin. As a matter of fact, my H put on about 20 extra pounds over the past couple of years, due to not exercising and having bad lunches at work. HE felt bad about it, but I didn't even know this until recently. Yes, I noticed the extra weight, but it didn't bother me. Even if he gained 100 pounds, I'd try and encourage him to lose weight for his health but I'd love him regardless. After his doctor told him he needed to lose the weight unless he wanted to die in a decade (dramatic, but it worked), H took steps to get the weight off. 

But you have an injury so she really should be more sympathetic.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

There's nothing worse than nerve pain from spinal issues, OP, and you have my sympathy (I have a collapsed disk in my neck which causes numbness and pain down my left arm). Pain is exhausting and debilitating, and exercise can become difficult...

Having said that, from a health point of view, it's not good for anyone - particularly people with back problems - to be carrying extra pounds, and we have to pay extra special attention to diet and exercises that we can do. I find my Gravity Strider an absolute boon when I'm in so much pain that I don't feel like exercising. It's low impact, but burns the calories and is good cardio-vascular exercise.

To answer your question, though, No, I wouldn't be out the door if my SO gained weight due to illness or injury.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It's not the weight. I think she's using it as a cheap shot excuse.

My H is about 75 pounds heavier than when we got married, his belly really gets on my nerves, I don't like the puffiness in his face and the extra chins, but I am seriously attracted to his "package" I love his shoulders and arms and I am amazed at how freaking strong he is considering he doesn't work at it at all! We have awesome sex regularly. 

Your wife is either very shallow or she's very mean and not even trying.

And I also want to say, OUCH dude, that must hurt!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I was running 36 miles a week faithfully until the age of 35 when I broke my neck. It's been 5 years if hell and chronic pain as well as limited physical activity. Naturally I gained weight.:/

I thank The Lord everyday I can still use my legs and walk short distances, clean my house, cook, care for the kids and now I've picked up a few hobbies. It sucks, my life was turned upside down in an instant.

I have phenomenal support from my husband and 2 of my doctors. I have many goals and projects that I strive for and that keep me busy. Oh, and I thank God I can use a stationary bike! Exercising stops me from going into a depression and helps me increase my mobility. I am in a part time wheelchair.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

We've got an exercise bike, I use it in the winter and ride the mountain bike in the summer, just around our cul-de-sac of course. No more extreme downhill's thru the trees and stuff.....
I also go on walks as well, but I really can't exercise the area that really needs it to get the gut gone. I'm good for about a mile on either one and then the pivoting of the lower back from pedaling starts to get to me.
I am barely managing the racing kart, thankfully I roll it up a little tilt bed trailer and I don't have to lift it. The wrap around seat in the thing keeps me well supported from thighs thru mid back while the rest of me gets a good workout, but I only go maybe 6 times a year. 

IILWMH, I'm sorry about your neck, how did that happen?
You are lucky you have most of your functions after an injury like that.

Anon, before I had steroid injections I used to freeze up and spasm like I was getting electrocuted, it was absolutely horrible. I had one incident at work going down the stairs and another at our desk at home that went for so long I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. The nerve ablation was pretty gross, they put big hollow needles into my back in several places and then insert these cores into them that get red hot and burn the nerves, What's cookin?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think most men and women can overlook weight gain because of physical limitations because of injury or sickness.


but laziness is a different story. I think its important to try to keep yourself attractive for your partner.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I get what your saying about laziness, I have so much I WANT to do in addition to my responsibilities around the house, but can't. Like IILWMH stated, it turns your life upside down.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

badcompany said:


> I get what your saying about laziness, I have so much I WANT to do in addition to my responsibilities around the house, but can't. Like IILWMH stated, it turns your life upside down.


I was not saying you were lazy. just pointing out the difference between the two.

sorry that your dealing with this. all I can offer is as long as your trying your best then hold your head high and sleep with a clear conscious.

good luck.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

A little gut is really no big deal!  When you love someone, you love them.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

There are bigger problems here than just weight gain, unless your wife is just truly shallow. Reality is people gain weight especially when injured.


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## Second Love (Aug 21, 2013)

I haven't read all of the replies to your question, but I just had to say something. I'm your age and have been an operating room nurse for almost ten years. Please please please please please stop thinking that surgery, especially a fusion, will be the cure to your pain. I have seen WAAAAAY too many back surgeries go wrong. I'm not talking ten percent, I'm talking about 30-40%. 

If you start fusing your spine at this age, you will be in for an extension of your fusion in less than ten years. I frequently see patients who, pre-surgery, were experiencing pain with certain physical activity, like what you describe. After surgery they are completely hunched over and can barely walk. They go in for multiple revisions, and wish they had never had anything done in the first place. Really, if you can tolerate everyday life by taking some ibuprofen and limiting your activity, DO NOT HAVE BACK SURGERY!!! 

If I can't talk you out of it, please, at least go to a neurosurgeon instead of an orthopedic surgeon. They will be much more conservative instead of trying to make a quick profit. It makes me feel sick when I go to meet a patient and see a young man with a herniated disc due to being in the military, etc. I know the path he is headed down and I want to tell him to get out of that stretcher and run!!!

That being said, yeah, weight gain can be a turn off. No one wants to hear it but unfortunately it's true. Even so, my fiance has lost a lot of his tone recently and I am still very attracted to him. I want to sleep with him because it makes me feel close to him and because there's more to attraction than just a studly body. I have never been with anyone who has gained 65 pounds, so have not been in the exact same situation. But people get skinny, people get fat...life is full of seasons and cycles. Once I love someone their body has never been that important.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

It sounds like you are not eating enough. Your body is in starvation mode and holding onto fat. Seriously! Start eating 6 smallish nutritious meals a day. Lots of fruit and veg and good carbs (brown rice, quinoa) How about swimming for exercise or a gentle yoga? I think either one of those would suit you well.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I'll bite.

I think your wife is shallow & cruel to call you lazy & not attractive anymore.

People that truly love each other do so through sickness. You may have to accept that she isn't as sexually attractive to you but sex shouldn't stop completely.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> It's not the weight. I think she's using it as a cheap shot excuse.


That's probably it. 

You could try to talk with her to see if she has other needs that aren't being met. If you get no feedback, then you need to work on being the best man you can be...not for her, for you. If things don't turn around, you may have to walk.

How about working out in a pool?


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## Running Mom (Aug 13, 2013)

I would think that if you are trying to stay healthy (and based on your OP, it sounds like you are trying to eat right), then she needs to cut you some slack. Also, even if you cannot exercise a lot, a large portion of weight loss is eating right. If she wants help around the house, you two could come up with things that don't cause you more pain.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

My wife always has needs that aren't met. 
We live in the northwest so a pool isn't the easiest thing to find, but I do love swimming. There is one close by but they are scheduled with so many activities.....private rentals....kayak school....scuba school....etc etc...that there is only a few times a week and 1-1/2 to 2 hour windows when they are open to the public and then it's really full.
I don't have multiple chins or anything like that, the rest of me is in pretty good shape I just have this gut. FYI I'd be looking pretty good if I lost 25#'s, I wouldn't have anything left if I lost 65#'s.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

My husband has gained weight, but it is only his belly. He weighs about 260#, so he has gained about 60+ pounds in 16 years we have been married. IT doesn't bother me. .I still love him the same way


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