# Doubting decisions



## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

I am working on this in IC because I have not applied the make a decision and then move on with life principle until recently. If it was the wrong one; well you get over it. (I am not quite there but it sounds nice and confident there!)

Are there any other decision doubters out there and what do you tell yourself to help you accept the decision you made and to move on? I often would bounce off big and even some small decisions on my STBX; but now that I am counting on myself only, it is different. So things with my kids, or my own life are my own now.

Not talking about any decision in particular; just want to know how you jump in with the confidence that you made the best choice at the time etc. I suppose it takes some practice~


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

There is no value in doubting a decision you have already made. You did so after evaluating the facts you had at the time. If you learn new facts later, it doesn't metter.

We can't change the past, so to worry about it will only make us depressed.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Talk to close friends. Eventually you'll get the hang of it. It's awkward and scary to make decisions on big home or car repairs, etc. but bouncing stuff off a good friend helps. Or parents if they are around.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

@dormant: Yes; I have been working hard on this and am getting better with as little regrets as possible. Hard to break an old and bad habit; but you are correct that the past can not be changed!

@EnjoliWoman: I do call my Dad often to discuss some of these house decisions with him for sure. So glad to have his knowledge because my husband used to be in charge of a lot of the repairs around our house. And always good to discuss some other things with friends.

Thanks!


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

and be sure to ask your friends to help. My friends tell me they wanted to be useful to me but didn't always know how. They appreciate me giving them the chance to help out. There is always Google for questions, learn some new skills and don't let it intimidate you.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Once you make a decision, just by being present in what happens afterwards, you'll nearly always turn the odds in your favor. This follows along the same lines as changing something by measuring it. If your decisions have got you where you are, on a true path, you don't need to doubt much. Stuff is always going to happen, you need to let loose from judging this stuff as good or bad, and look at whether it actually affects you or just threatens to affect you, maybe. There's a big difference in theoretical risk and actual damage experienced.  Even damage adheres to the Phoenix principle. Once you have been exposed to any kind of risk, through your decisions or chance, you become more resilient and adaptable to the risk, and in most cases the actual risk as experienced (odds of happening times effect) is diminished. 

Then again, I'm a cognitive decision scientist. But I call it like I see it. The basics are your square meals. Don't take so much risk with those. Cover your core assets from risk, and you can then assign priorities as to the rest of your risk exposure, and have a better feel for decisions, and whatever leverage they might give you. Don't commit to something if you don't really have to commit. Time is a valuable asset. Real opportunities seldom occur only once and then disappear, they tend to have staying power. If someone frames something with a time element to it that seems unreasonable, that smells like a bad offer/framework. Always be aware of the framework and paradigm you're using to make decisions. Know your Achille's heel.

Anyway, when I have to make a lot of decisions in a short amount of time a lot of times I allow myself to go on auto pilot which is to say I allow things to happen within the basic and true/honest framework of my existence. If not alarm bells go off, I observe what's happening. These are implicitly arrived at decisions, and often occur where if I had engaged pure logic and the odds from historical data so to speak, I would have made errors! Autopilot is not bad, if you've centered yourself.

I often ask my Quaker Meeting for clarity, and don't have to go too much into details, other than to just ask for presence of mind/clarity, given that I've arrived where I'm at on a true path of discernment and want to stay on the path...sometimes asking for spiritual support is as far as it needs to go with decision making, you don't need specifics. If supporting folks need more info to be more supportive, they'll ask. 

The advice I have got from friends was also wrong/misguided. In effect, your friends have completely different brains than you do, and different experiences. Friends cannot really give objective advice about how you can ultimately achieve your dreams/avoid your fears in life. In the end it's something you have to do for yourself, and until you've done it enough, you'll always second guess your ability. Each person has it within them to do exactly those things when choices arise, to be able to manifest themselves fully. Everyone owes it to themselves to come face to face with their own fears, and to challenge them, and then to allow their actions to be their choices...and to change the future choices that will then be available to them, as a result. It's like the individual version of manifest destiny, without all the politics 

Bottom line, go with your gut, if alarm bells go off, stop. If not inner dialog is required to justify, chances are you're good to go.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

HNU - absolutely. Although I can think of the choices I might have made had I not married, I learned SO MUCH from my marriage about people, life, practical stuff... so even THAT decision eventually made me stronger and better in the long run. I'm a more well rounded, capable person because of him.

Just keep reminding yourself you can't change the past and focus on the future.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> HNU - absolutely. Although I can think of the choices I might have made had I not married, I learned SO MUCH from my marriage about people, life, practical stuff... so even THAT decision eventually made me stronger and better in the long run. I'm a more well rounded, capable person because of him.
> 
> Just keep reminding yourself you can't change the past and focus on the future.


Actually, it is entirely possible to change the past. This is what shamans do. Of course, you can't change the physical past, but you can go back and remedy spiritual situations via shamanic rituals. Note that I said shamanic (which is a time-honored spiritual practice) vs. satanic. There IS a difference, lol. I periodically go to see a shaman (she is also a counselor and has a master's in education...) who has trained world-wide including Mongolia. She's incredibly helpful in solving energy problems that arose from past issues. I have no real idea of how it works, just that it does. I have a sixth sense and have the ability to manifest physical things from intention and thought...but I don't consciously practice shamanism, that is, I would never attempt to interfere/intervene with someone else's past, except through a shaman and my own energy as the channel... if you consider my life in the past year, you would be amazed at the the opportunities that have opened up to me by unhinging my future by 'fixing' the past. The past can be firmly entrenched in a person, but if you actively work to remedy it, amazing things in the future can happen, and you're more likely to enjoy being in the moment (because there are an infinite number of more 'moments' in any one's spiritual lifetime.) 

Anyway, I suppose that's a quirky belief system for a trained cognitive decision scientist. But the theory of quantum mechanics/non-locality applies. It is time-independent. People think of time travel in terms of physicality, but it's not really like that. I mean, it is, but it's not like you can go back and do just anything you like, anywhere you like. You can observe, but you can only effectively go back where your energy is located, and usually but not always you need a guide like a shaman, who will take your spirit with her/him while your body relaxes.

It's not incompatible with my Quaker Beliefs. I actually did ask my Meeting for spiritual clarity this week. So far, I am really feeling them, and I appreciate their being with me, even though physically they aren't. It makes a world of difference to everyone I encounter, that I'm spiritually supported and went to get outside energy. This week is very tough for my new work team, in particular my boss but also a few other people I have dealings with. Being calm and centered is what I do...besides being brilliant with data, which when push comes to shove, anyone with any aptitude can train themselves to handle, given the number of years I've been doing that. But 'calm and centered' and 'connected' is my trade 'secret'. It's what I deliver that I can't bill for, but is the most appreciated aspect of my involvement. I ask the right questions at the right time, and also am able to think of solutions or realistic scenarios as a result of trying to maintain clarity. I run point on problems, but I don't shirk the effort that allows me to do this (paying attention to the spiritual side of real intellect.)


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