# What I learn being separated for 6 months



## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

1. No contact is bs
2. Act like you want to save a marriage (bad idea)
3. Try improving yourself waste of time
4. Be positive why???
5. Act hopeful for what??

What I should of done.
1. Act confident
2. Agree to her bs
3. Act like divorce is more appealing to you than her.
4. Go on with life.
5. Screw the rules Date!!! Find a reputable dating site put up a decent profile.

Either she gets on board or she don't I played by the rules sorry don't work. I learn asap if any discussion comes up remotely about ending a marriage just go along with it. Make sure you exit out before she does. Show zero interest in saving the marriage. Act life is just freakin dandy without her ass. If it comes down to separation join a dating site and flaunt it. Let her know that she has no leaverage. Be a man move on maybe this can be a wake up call. We get enough slack already about us men being bad husbands. 
I say this in a positive way to get your spouse on board. If this don't work nothing works. Trust me been there done that. You can do back flips she don't care. But once you say **** it for some ****ty reason she be chasing you down the street. This sounds stupid as **** but the only time when couples on a verge of separation and the woman changes her mind it's because the guy hey **** it im outta here. Yeah she like well maybe not we can work on things. But act a loving caring way she's like WTF??? 
Guys take my word this works if you wanna save your marriage follow this example. For some insane reason this bs method keeps them happy. 
How to prevent a divorce 101


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is no one size fits all ways to fix broken marriage. What worked for you is will not work for everyone.

Don't forget that sometimes, the woman just might have some valid complaints and if her husband does what you suggest, she's going to walk. Sometimes making an effort to fix the marriage actually does fix it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You cannot fill an empty marriage if the marital balloon is whoppingly 'holed'.

Punctured, with no patch big enough, nor elastic enough, to withstand the strain and the stretch of the refill.

No amount of effort will likely keep the reconciliation glue from tearing loose the patch, the second the repairing marriage starts to take shape.

It takes two to keep the burst marriage from going flat....again.

It takes all hands on deck, all minds on the needs of this so frangible foray. 

The newly chartered mission?
Save the marriage, reconstitute yesterdays' bride and groom.

Likely, Layla and Majnun again fail. It was not in their Stars, not in their Fate.

Pushing the broken marriage wheel uphill. 
A hill that stretches for miles. 
The end, never in sight.


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## Mattv88 (Mar 11, 2018)

Honestly, even if that method would work, I couldn't and wouldn't do it because it's against everything I am. I agree no contact is BS and hurts like hell and leaving her alone didn't change anything at all. Like the others said every situation is different as is every person but for me of nothing else I'm going to be true to who I am and how I treat my wife regardless.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

jlcrome said:


> 1. No contact is bs
> 2. Act like you want to save a marriage (bad idea)
> 3. Try improving yourself waste of time
> 4. Be positive why???
> ...



Trial seperation is the first step to divorce. If a spouce sugests this they are planning on leaving for good the vast majority of time.

Best to work on it under the same roof.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Trial separation "usually" implies the one wanting it... is planning to test drive a POSOM / POSOW.

If it don't run right or the tires don't run smooth, they tend to come back.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I agree that if a spouse wants a separation, it’s best to give it to them. Just make sure they’re served papers when it starts so no time is wasted. 
Anytime you hear a woman say “I need some space to find myself”...... you’re screwed.

Separations for a spouse that still loves the other—— they’re just hell on earth. Much better to just divorce. Never knowingly put yourself in limbo.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

jlcrome said:


> 1. No contact is bs
> 2. Act like you want to save a marriage (bad idea)
> 3. Try improving yourself waste of time
> 4. Be positive why???
> ...


T know those were not my rules. I don't think you should act anything, just divorce and get on with your life. They are not worth it.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

jlcrome said:


> 1. No contact is bs
> 2. Act like you want to save a marriage (bad idea)
> 3. Try improving yourself waste of time
> 4. Be positive why???
> ...


I don't know where you got your first five rules, but where they overlap with the 180, you seem to have misunderstood. And then your own rules overlap with the 180 too!

What everyone should do:

1. Find confidence again. Don't just act confident, BE confident.
2. Minimal contact is a good idea. Treat the spouse like an acquaintance who does not have your best interests at heart but you have to communicate now and then with to coordinate financial and child-related matters.
3. It's never a waste of time to improve yourself. But do it for yourself, not for a departing spouse. That IS getting on with life.
4. Never automatically agree to anyone's BS. But balance the cost of resisting to the cost of complying.
5. Prepare for divorce. Be hopeful about the positive effects it will bring to your life.
6. Date or don't date. Some people find it a confidence booster, some prefer solitude and introspection first. There's no one-size-fits-all about this part.

You can't control someone else. You can only control you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If that worked for you, and you're happy with the results, fine. But that doesn't work for everyone so don't promote it as a "fix".


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Your lists make no sense. So it is a waste of time to improve yourself? You should always be improving yourself. In fact if you are, then you don't have to act confidently, because you will be confident. Or hows about, "be positive why? Act hopeful for what?" Aren't you being positive and hopeful when you "go on with life and start dating? I think somehow whatever message you received or are trying to send got garbled in transmission.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

jlcrome said:


> 1. No contact is bs
> 2. Act like you want to save a marriage (bad idea)
> 3. Try improving yourself waste of time
> 4. Be positive why???
> ...


Acting loving and like you want to save the marriage isn't the normal advice. The reason she rejected that is due to her feeling like you should have been acting that way as her husband all the long. That was all she wanted in the first place, but you wouldn't, so why do it when you know she's ready to end things? Women resent that and feel like it's just manipulative, so she doesn't respond to your last-ditch efforts because she doesn't appreciate that you only started trying when it started mattering to you but wouldn't try throughout the marriage when it should have mattered to you.

Responding better to your eff-it attitude means she loves you and doesn't want to be rejected. She needed to matter to you. When you showed her that she and the marriage did not matter, her natural response was her own last-ditch effort to have you show her that she matters.

I'm not saying you acted like a bad husband. I don't know what you did or didn't do. I'm just telling you how she felt and why she responded the way she did to your opposting reactions.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

StarFires said:


> Acting loving and like you want to save the marriage isn't the normal advice. The reason she rejected that is due to her feeling like you should have been acting that way as her husband all the long. That was all she wanted in the first place, but you wouldn't, so why do it when you know she's ready to end things? Women resent that and feel like it's just manipulative, so she doesn't respond to your last-ditch efforts because she doesn't appreciate that you only started trying when it started mattering to you but wouldn't try throughout the marriage when it should have mattered to you.
> 
> Responding better to your eff-it attitude means she loves you and doesn't want to be rejected. She needed to matter to you. When you showed her that she and the marriage did not matter, her natural response was her own last-ditch effort to have you show her that she matters.
> 
> I'm not saying you acted like a bad husband. I don't know what you did or didn't do. I'm just telling you how she felt and why she responded the way she did to your opposting reactions.


You kinda reinforced his thoughts....being nice won’t help, but if she still has feelings at all, moving on will increase the chances she’ll make an effort to mend things. 
I agree with you. 
Sadly, One never knows for sure what to do, because the mind of a woman is uncharted territory. Nobody knows for sure what’s still in there...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> You kinda reinforced his thoughts....being nice won’t help, but if she still has feelings at all, moving on will increase the chances she’ll make an effort to mend things.
> I agree with you.
> Sadly, One never knows for sure what to do, because the mind of a woman is uncharted territory. Nobody knows for sure what’s still in there...


Yes, I was explaining the factors behind his conclusion. 

But, I don't think the mind of a woman is so complicated. At least not always. I believe there are men who have no problem figuring us out. We can see that this OP has certainly made some headway.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I agree that if a spouse wants a separation, it’s best to give it to them. Just make sure they’re served papers when it starts so no time is wasted.
> *Anytime you hear a woman say “I need some space to find myself”...... you’re screwed*.
> 
> Separations for a spouse that still loves the other—— they’re just hell on earth. Much better to just divorce. Never knowingly put yourself in limbo.


I prefer, "You're freed."


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Unless you have kids with her and built some financial success..... then, once again, you’re financially screwed... 
Yes, one rarely sees it that way when it’s happening, but the truth is, a woman wanting space IS freeing up her spouse to move on, and THAT is a good thing!


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