# Volunteering to give up Christmas



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Kinda curious if I could get some help from the mothers. If you had joint custody of kids with your x husband and you split Christmas, meaning you alternate either having Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, Would you voluntarily give both days for your x?

The situation is this. My ex-wife and I are from another state. We have talked about in the past going back to the state were both her parents and mine live to have Christmas. Obviously her with hers and me with mine although changeover of custody would be the same as if we were in our current state of Colorado. So this was the year we were to go back home and spend the holidays back in our home state but when I texted her about finalizing some details she said she wasn't going anymore. The reason for not going has nothing to do with me but the latest falling out she had with her mother. So I kind of figured that was the end of this plan when she texted me that would be fine with her if I took the kids back home for Christmas. Because of the distance she knew that she would be giving up both days and very oddly to me seems OK with it. If the situation was reversed no way that I would agree to this so I'm just kind of asking for mothers perspective if any other mothers out there would agree to something like this. Seems very odd to me


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I would do that for my ex-husband in the situation you describe. I might then, though, want him to return the favor the next year or on another holiday. I would just have my Christmas celebration with my child either before or after the out of town trip. Honestly, if relations are otherwise amicable, I wouldn't think this was odd at all.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I would do that for my ex-husband in the situation you describe. I might then, though, want him to return the favor the next year or on another holiday. I would just have my Christmas celebration with my child either before or after the out of town trip. Honestly, if relations are otherwise amicable, I wouldn't think this was odd at all.


I agree. I would hope that he would return the favor in the future, I wouldn't count on it, but I like to be nice as much as possible and hope that others will also be kind. Teaches kids good lessons about cooperation and generosity.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes I would given the circumstances you describe, my thought would be that if it is easier/better for the kids then they come first. Also I am not religious so hold no special value on Christmas.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Thanks ladies. This was exactly my concern that she would one day come back and use this against me. It's her style. 

I think we reached a compromise where we will fly out Christmas Eve which everyone is ok with and I won't be indebted for. The only thing she asked was that the kids don't spend the night at her mothers place. So that's easy to honor
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

With my ex wife and I, she always had Christmas Eve and I had Christmas Day. It was no biggie because if you think like a kid, they open gifts twice. Not to mention that if I ever needed to change it around and have my kid on the eve and she had her on the day if the two parents can be civil then these problems can be worked out.

In your case, don't look a gift horse in the mouth but just remember to return the favor. The kids will be the ones to benefit from it.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Thanks ladies. This was exactly my concern that she would one day come back and use this against me. It's her style.
> 
> I think we reached a compromise where we will fly out Christmas Eve which everyone is ok with and I won't be indebted for. The only thing she asked was that the kids don't spend the night at her mothers place. So that's easy to honor
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't read the suggestions from the others as providing the ex with something to use against you in the future. I read their replies as more of, it is the thing to do for the kids and perhaps reciprocate the favor in the future.

The tone of your comments - "...use this against me." and "...I won't be indebted for." sounds to me like there is some animosity and distrust. That may be well founded. There isn't enough information to make that determination, but I think the thrust of the comments is that this appears simply to be an offer for what may be best for the kids.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Maneo said:


> I didn't read the suggestions from the others as providing the ex with something to use against you in the future. I read their replies as more of, it is the thing to do for the kids and perhaps reciprocate the favor in the future.
> 
> The tone of your comments - "...use this against me." and "...I won't be indebted for." sounds to me like there is some animosity and distrust. That may be well founded. There isn't enough information to make that determination, but I think the thrust of the comments is that this appears simply to be an offer for what may be best for the kids.


Well I purposely didn't put my entire history here although some know it and I have posted it as my original post here on TAM. So you will just have to trust when I say her doing it as the "best interests of her kids" is not her at all. Her kids always come second and always have


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