# Now it’s final



## TV123 (Jun 13, 2020)

Long story short, my husband left the family home last year in January as he said he was having mental health difficulties. I was 3 week away from having our 5th child. We stayed together even though living separately while he was supposedly struggling with his mental health. He barely supported me with the children, and made the occasional visit every weekend for an hour or two or sometimes less often. This was an extremely difficult time for me, however I wanted to support my husband of 10 years because I thought he was struggling. He went from saying he had no feelings, to ending it numerous times, to changing his mind only days later. Then from around June time we decided to put lots of effort into our marriage and to build it all up again. Come September he was sleeping over some days, but he was still not affectionate with me. As the months went on he started saying he loved me again and was sleeping over most days but said he was still struggling with his mental health. However, in December 15th last year I found out since he left in the January he had started a full blown relationship with someone else and told her lots of lies and made out he was single. We was unaware of each other. We spoke and she told me lots of details about their relationship and he basically started speaking to her before he left and then started seeing her once he moved out.
I’d like to note though that my husband is struggling with his mental health and has actually deteriorated lately, he has professional help and takes medication and is doing everything on that side to get better. 
Back to the other woman. He stated at the beginning he thought he didn’t love me anymore, but was basically using this woman, however he told her many lies that he loved her etc throughout that year. By December because I thought we was getting back on track, when this came out I was just so desperate to have him home, I decided to try and work it out with him and he moved back in fully. He cut the girl off completely, however I found lots of fake social media accounts where he had been talking to lots of women throughout last year, almost obsessed with messaging women tbh. I also found out he had a fake FB account from the end of 2018. So was obviously having doubts about our marriage then.
However, since having him back he is really struggling with his mental health, very moody, snappy and depressed almost everyday. Not affectionate at all but states he loves me and wants to have a good future with me and to make me happy. However, arguments about what he did haven’t helped, I do need reassurance a lot of the time and do feel quite insecure about myself. And to top it off he’s started drinking after work and getting drunk because his mental health is that bad. So through tall that. I made the extremely hard decision to ask him to leave because I just couldn’t cope with any more stress and I just wanted a quiet and happy life for me and the children. 
I am absolutely gutted because I do love him very much but I just think so much has happened, and I really don’t think I could trust him again because of the amount of lies he has told. I am absolutely heartbroken because I really wanted this to work and us to be a family again but he is not the same person that I thought he was, or used to be.
I know this is for the best, but I am worried about being alone the rest of my life now. 
I have always wanted that big family with husband by my side and I truly thought me and my husband had that as we have been together 10 years. But now I feel I will be alone for the rest of my life.
I am only 32 and have five children. 3 by my husband and 2 from a previous relationship, who don’t have any contact with their biological father may I add. I just feel like I have no romantic future or couldn’t even move on in years to come because who would want to be with a woman who has 5 children by 2 different men? I am sure I will have a bright future in terms of life and enjoyment because I have a good career and my own home etc, and my children are all healthy and happy. My husband is living with his mum now too so they have the children every weekend which gives me a break. However, I do feel quite lonely and I am a person who likes love and affection. It’s not that I rely on a man, but I would like to share my future with one. Would have preferred it to be my husband, still wish it was tbh but too much has happened. 
I don’t know if I’m just in panic mode because this is still so fresh or it is a genuine concern that not man would want a women with 5 children. Any advice would be welcome. 
I know people will say just focus on you and the children, that’s what I plan to do right now. I am talking about the future.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A woman with five children.

Left alone to cope.

Raising children is hard, they take a lot out of you.

He took what was left, a paltry amount, selfishly, with him.

He did not want to be a father. He wanted to have lots of sex and good times.

Many men are like this.

Yes, even some wives.
.........................

OK, now what?

Lean on family (friends) if you can, until you get back on some stable footing.

Your state should have some programs that might be helpful.

In the next few years work on yourself, be the best person you can be, ie, looks and mental health, pleasantness.

Be prepared to find a man with a similar situation: kids and no mum, or children, 50% of the time. 

What a big dinner table that will be!!!


----------

