# stay or leave?



## 1confusedgal (Jul 28, 2011)

I have been married for almost 17 years. The time has passed roughly to say the least. As I look back I believe I married him because I didnt have many guys wanting to date me, and I thought he was the only one that would. (I was young and stupid)
We fought a lot, he got mean, called me names, etc. It was hell for a long time. Then suddenly things started to get better. Lo and behold a friend of his tells me he is having an affair with his wife. Freaked out, I just didnt know what to do. I had 2 small kids. Went to my parish pastor who point blank told me to suck it up and work it out. Well, I tried. It was very difficult to forget the affair. Mostly because I thought things were going so well. But I did as my pastor told me to, and stayed. As of today, almost 9 years after the affair, our love life is nill (maybe once every 3 months), we fight when we are alone, he drives me nuts. Even now, friends of mine tell me that they notice that he can treat me poorly, talk mean to me... usually in front of others. 
I think I grew up and realized that I was stupid, and didnt have to put up with this for so long. Recently other men have been paying attention to me. I havent been unfaithful, but darn near close to it. I just wonder if there is someone out there who I would be more happy with.
So many people tell me they were lucky to marry the person of their dreams. I cant say that. Am I denying myself that opportunity to find it? Or am I being selfish?
If I leave my kids who are 16 and 14 would probably be ok. But I dont want to make hasty decisions. Maybe this IS as good as it gets? 
Please help. Im so confused.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

1confusedgal said:


> As of today, almost 9 years after the affair, our love life is nill (maybe once every 3 months), we fight when we are alone, he drives me nuts. Even now, friends of mine tell me that they notice that he can treat me poorly, talk mean to me... usually in front of others.


This is what you have now, after trying to stick it out and make the best of it. I can understand your feeling hesitant to leave, but you really don't sound confused to me. It sounds like a painful relationship for you. Why not see an attorney and discuss your options? I don't know if you'll find someone else, but living alone with your kids and being away from all the tension, will probably feel one heckuva lot better than what you currently have.


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## Avalon (Jul 5, 2011)

Ditto... You deserve to be treated with respect, and it sounds like your H does not respect you at all with the things he says about you, especially if others have noticed this. I recently read a book called "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay" that helped me through a decision process about staying or leaving my husband (we've been married almost 23 years now). It definitely opened my eyes and helped me see things clearly .


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