# Diagnosed with BP1, SA, AA and DP...Questioning marriage



## Bipolar1 (Apr 21, 2010)

Hi all,

I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Level 1, Social Anxiety, Anticipatory Anxiety and Depression. I am currently taking differing levels of Lithium, Senoquil and Depakote and seeing a psychiatrist and 2 psychologists weekly.

I'm out of work but working from home so our income is not too far inflicted. I am worried about my wife and my marriage but I'm trying not to be too worried. She has been through a few of my manic episodes the last few weeks (I am still in a manic episode but the meds are slowly working their way through my system) and it has worn on her quite a bit.

I know it will take time for us to work to a point where we can decide where we are in terms of our relationship because I know I need to work on myself first but if anyone can throw out any advice in dealing with this as a couple that would be really helpful. I have my wife and my mother on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to staying together so that makes it a bit more difficult.

*I can add that I'm about 10 years younger than my wife and I have two step kids (19 and 16) if that helps. I'm not looking for specific advice though per se because I expect to get that from my psychologists. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone's gone through similar experiences and can relate to being in this position.

Thanks. 

TIA!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I have some serious behavior issues that i have to deal with, too. its very draining for everyone. I think it just takes a lot of work and also for me i had to learn to accept myself. I know there is the part of you that wants to improve, of course, but for me one of the most comforting things was to just accept who i am. it is a balancing act of acceptance and improvement. 

and boundaries is what has helped my marriage the most. my H and i did some workbook, and i have done some work on my own. i think boundaries is what i struggle with the most. i tend to want to blame my emotional state on my H.


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## Bipolar1 (Apr 21, 2010)

Thanks Blanca. It's been hard to deal with it just because it seems like there is so much there but I'm trying to really find more creative outlets to send the behaviors that run me back into a manicky or depressive state.

I'm hoping eating better and exercising will be a way to combat what the meds and the down feelings are doing. I'm going to continue with the doctor's direction (which isn't easy either.)

It's a rough go for sure.


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## howdoiknow (Jun 7, 2010)

My husband of almost 10 years suffers from an anxiety disorder that I knew about when I married him. He took his medication fairly regularly but I could always tell when he did not - anxiety kicked in. When I would ask if he took the med, he would get angry with me. About 3 months ago, after some minor arguments between us, he left me and my son (not his child). He said he was feeling a lot of stress and needed to get away (he's done this before but usually I'll suggest a getaway for both of us and we go - he helped). He left before I knew it an that's when I realized he didn't want me to go with. He never came back and has since filed for divorce. I am in counseling and both my counselor and I believe that his anxiety is driving his actions right now. He is in so far deep that he won't communicate and has convinced himself that this is the right thing to do. By his own admission, he is making knee-jerk decisions and not thinking clearly. His meds are being adjusted and, he claims, he sees a counselor. The problem is that, despite his admissions, he is still pushing the divorce. I have asked him to slow down and let the meds and counseling start working so that he can ensure he is making a good decision. His thinking is not rational right now. I understand that and I'm still willing to stand by him and help him. Unfortunately, I fear that our marriage will be over before his current anxiety episode is and then it will be too late for us. 

I share this with you to say - slow down. Don't make any decisions in the midst of your admitted troubled state because when you get through it, it may be too late. I know my husband is struggling and I want to be there for him. I love him with or without the anxiety. In his current state, though, he can't see it. Just make sure that you're making rational and not emotional decisions. Try counseling - individual and marital - and let your meds get to a therapeutic level before making any rash decisions. If the two of you can sit down together, in a healthy state, and find that things don't work, then you'll know in your heart and mind that you're making the right decisions. If my husband gives me the opportunity, I know that with work on both of our parts, our marriage would succeed.


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

I'm BP too, and maybe a few other things, Currently unmedicated. Trying to fix self with "common sense."

I couldn't figure out which end of the spectrum your wife is on in terms of staying together but one thing I wish I had done in past relationships that I'm trying to do for my marriage is to try and do something nice, something small for my spouse. You need to work on yourself, only you can make you better, etc etc etc, but try to remember you're married to this woman and not your diagnosis. Pick her out a new tea cup, a magazine, or tuck a note into her shoe to let her know how much you love and appreciate her.

Little things will help to remind her that the man she loved enough to marry has not gone away.


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