# Is she cheating??



## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm I crazy? My wife of 7 years is cheating. I guess I'm in denial please post your opinions. This is my story.
When my wife and were dating we disclosed all our previous relationships. I have no problem with her ex's, one of them I'm even currently friends with. But one guy she was involved with was married and carried on a secret relationship for the better part of 2 years off and on. Just a booty call, he was helping me thru hard times she said, and it was over. A year or so after we are married I found out she had stopped in his work ( he owns his own business ) I asked her about it and she said she was just picking some boxes for her friend, I said I was uncomfortable with this guy because of the context of their relationship previous to us getting together/married. She said ok, she wouldn't have contact with him anymore. Last summer I noticed she had finger bruises on the inside of thighs just above her knees on both sides. I asked her about them and she said It must have been the dogs. Alarm bells go off in my head and I decide to look for more evidence. 

We were in the process of organizing my wife's birthday party for her 40th, a big yard party with a band etc. 3 weeks before the party I found out she had gone to his place again. I never mentioned that I knew this and continued to look for clues. I decided to check her text messages and found this message from her girlfriend talking about who to invite to the party.

"Except 4 Billy Bob...lol Careful when u say invite some friends...lol 
Ah he can come - there will be enough ppl so that he doesn't get noticed lol
Don't be so sure. Think about it long & hard b4 I say anything 2 him, if u even want me 2 at all
Lol ok I'll think about it
U know he'll be riding the bull like he stole it"

Now I was freaking out and decided to stay quiet and keep gathering the clues. A couple weeks after the party I found another text that read.

"So u'll get the box from Billy's?
Here right now! Thanks!! Hope u had an awesome bday!!
That's ***kin hilarious that ur there now! "

Still in denial, I kept looking for clues. At this point she always seemed angry at me and always seemed to be sizing me up. Then one day she said I should get a new truck, I asked what should I get? She recommended the sierras are nice, they look good in white. A few days later, I drove by his work and noticed a brand new white Sierra parked there, drove a few more times over the next month and the truck was always there. I checked her text messages again and found this one.

"Keep smiling
U on the plane yet?
Yup just landed in Edmonton 
Behave yourself"

Also found this text

"What do you think of the Nissan murano?
Not for me
You're to sexy for a murano
Oh thanks  I keep looking at smaller sized SUVs ..
BMW x3 or x5
Ok that's what you keep saying - ill check them out. Just like how great my mdx has been"

And this one last Friday,

"U must be busy 
Why do u say that
Just called 
Where
Ur work
I just got back to shop
Oh out galavanting lol
I have a question that's more of a business nature
Lol
Call me
Sex is business
Ur crazy
It's ringing !!

I'm not sure, but it sure seems the affair has continued off and on through out our marriage. Since both parties know discretion in important. His wife passed away 2 years ago and I fear my wife has been returning the favor. I have since contacted a lawyer. I installed a GPS and bought a VOR, but I think I'm just beating myself up now and realize I already have enough evidence. I don't think I'm crazy?? What do you guys think? She still has no idea that I know and plan on hiding/selling all my assets etc. should I confront her or just tell her we are done next month?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

You're not crazy. This is happening. I'm not saying you shouldn't gather more evidence before confronting and/or leaving, but know that you're definitely going to find out your "suspicions" are fact. 

Start detaching and mentally preparing for the 180 immediately. Regardless of whether you eventually try for an R or not, 180 is your only path to happiness right now.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Well at this point I would see what you get this week and then expose the A, Did yoiu put a keylogger on the computer?

I am betting your gut is right on. I am sorry you are going though this crap. Do you have kids?

What does your lawyer tell you to do? What state are you in?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You need to gather more. Only the last really shows PA-ish. 

Certainly and EA. Certainly a no no.

NEVER Reveal your sources. VAR + Keylogger + any data you can get from her phone. Look for sexting too.

Sorry you are here


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

I am in the same boat, not sure about my wifes fidelity, but if I had this amount of evidence, I would be 99% certain. 

You have physical evidence: the bruise marks on the inside of ther theigh. The text message that says "he will ride the bull like he stole it" supports evidence of rough sex. (sorry) 

You have texts that prove contact between your wife and the scumbag. 

You have circumstantial, which supports the physical and contact evidence. 

Since it is feasable to explain some of this with alternate explanations, it is unlikely, however, you need a bit more that will close the case. 

WHen you have 100% confrimation, then you need to decide what to do. On this site nearly everyone will advise immediate confrontation and dropping divorce papers on her lap, however, are you ready for this? This may result in her knee-jerk reaction of running into the OM's arms and now you are on the road to divorce. A recent poster, Fred Milla on TAM wanted to take it slow with his evidence and confrontation, but certain TAMers pressed he slap her with divorce papers to "shock her" into a reconcilation, and now he is on the quick road to divorce. Is this what you would want? 

Important questions to ask yourself: do you have an idea of where you want this to go, and how to get there? 

After you discover the truth of affair, do you want to keep your knowledge secret from her and try to play some games that will buy you time to get everything in order (attorney's, an understanding of what a divorce might look like in your scenario, and what your life might be like?) 

In the end your objective is to be in as much control as possible, which does mean going on the offensive, the key is the timing, and your preparedness.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

How many times will your wife go through "hard times"?

If she cheated on you during her "hard time" back in the past, I'm sure I could make a killing if I bet on the fact that she will do it again.

Listen to your conscious, instinct, gut, whatever you want to call it. Don't ignore it, train it, nurture it, it can guide you to making good decisions and pre-judgement on decisions considered.

Good start
The Healing Heart: The 180

buy a couple of vars, set one in her car, your bedroom, wherever she takes her phone calls. Monitor her cell phone gps location, ask questions to reveal her self to you as the liar you THINK she is such as

"you're at the grocery store?"
"no i'm at... umm work"

"did you go to your mothers house last weekend, I called her and she said you..."
etc

tail her , follow her, hire pi, friends, key log the computer, check her emails, fb etc


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

Ever-Man said:


> I am in the same boat, not sure about my wifes fidelity, but if I had this amount of evidence, I would be 99% certain.
> 
> You have physical evidence: the bruise marks on the inside of ther theigh. The text message that says "he will ride the bull like he stole it" supports evidence of rough sex. (sorry)
> 
> ...


Having read that thread, I would argue that they were on the road to divorce long before he ever came to TAM. His "going slow" method wasn't working. All TAM did was convince him to defend himself. Considering some of the lies she's now spreading around and the legal action she's pursuing, I shudder to think of where he would be now if he hadn't started following TAM's advice to record everything and start pursuing his own legal options.

I will admit that TAM has been rude to Fredmilla on occasion, but the faithful spouse if frequently in a fog of their own, and sometimes people here get a little rude when trying to break them out of it. 

What would you suggest as a "going slow" method?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I would suggest STD tests, ASAP. Then tell her you have. If she says: "You weren't at risk, we used condoms" remind her that whilst condoms reduce the risk of STDs/HIV, that they do not eliminate it.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Sorry Tinman, I didn't get a third of the way through your post before I was 99.9% certain she is having sex with this man. I would suggest reading through a lot of the stories on TAM and listening to the advice given here. You don't deserve this.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I would suggest STD tests, ASAP. Then tell her you have. If she says: "You weren't at risk, we used condoms" remind her that whilst condoms reduce the risk of STDs/HIV, that they do not eliminate it.


Besides that fact that they usually lie about that. Cheaters are less likely to use condoms.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

He still needs better evidence. Im not saying he needs to wait a year to get it.

Do the suggestions for more evidence like VAR. I'm thinking a bit of digging will bring up tons of dirt.


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

No kids mixed up in this, if I read correctly, so Tinman has absolutely no need to control the narrative; therefore, no need for any more evidence. Hide your assets, move loot offshore, buy gold and bury it, take a trip to Vegas and "lose" big (wink,wink), etc. Talk to your money guys. After that's done, see a lawyer and drop the bomb.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i agree with machiavelli you know she is cheating, i know she is cheating. just get your lawyer to file for D and have her served! dont talk to her about it have it be a suprise and when she confronts you smile all calm and say i know everything and walk away


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

I plan on keeping it low right now and see what involves. I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen often, maybe once or twice a month over the course of our entire marriage but suspect its escalating. I dunno, I'm a bit confused and angry but not vengeful yet. I need to get things in order, I don't plan on reconciliation with her once a cheater always a cheater. I feel I need to find the smoking gun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

On another note I would really like to her nervous, maybe something like "I got an text from a block number saying " your wife is having an affair" and see how she reacts to that. Any other ideas?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

the smoking gun is the constant lying to you and wanting you to buy a truck like his, you confronted her about talking to him she LIED. once you hit her with the D papers either she will clam up or you will learn everything and then some


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

the text may work but doubt it. give her the hard ignore, when she tries talking to you ignore then joking say gotta go pay the PI best money i ever spent and leave and ignore


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Gather evidence and once you have enough kick her out.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Bruises on her thighs that you didnt put there, lying to you about cutting contact, and a text that absolutely indicates that they are in a sexual relationship...?
Hmmm. 
Seems pretty much like the gun is smoking, my friend. 
And to the "take it slow" approach guy, im all for that. Except for one thing. I yiu know youre wife is bangin some other guy, how do you dodge sex with her?
Because if i knew what my wife was doing an "gathering more evidence", i wouldnt have been able to TOUCH HER.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Tinman70 said:


> On another note I would really like to her nervous, maybe something like "I got an text from a block number saying " your wife is having an affair" and see how she reacts to that. Any other ideas?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't be foolish. Secure your finances first. Get all of your ducks in a row.

She has been carrying on with him for a long time, maybe since before you were married. They have sex. Chances are very high, about 100%.

If you want more evidence, put the VAR under the front seat of her car or in the house where she is likely to talk to him when you're not around. You'll catch her either talking to him or to her girlfriend.

Don't give her any clue until after you're all squared away financially.

What if you bring that up and she comes clean? Then you probably won't be able to secure your finances.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tinman70 said:


> On another note I would really like to her nervous, maybe something like "I got an text from a block number saying " your wife is having an affair" and see how she reacts to that. Any other ideas?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You could try this: 

Set up an anonymous email account with a free account provider (one you do NOT use) and send her an email (from an Internet Cafe) saying: "I know about your affair. Shame on you for cheating on your husband! You need to tell him, or I might tell him for you."

Then see what happens. If nothing, then send an email to yourself, with a copy of the email sent to your wife copied in to it saying: "Your wife is cheating on you. Sorry, dude."

Then ask your wife what is going on...


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> You could try this:
> 
> Set up an anonymous email account with a free account provider (one you do NOT use) and send her an email (from a Internet Cafe) saying: "I know about your affair. Shame on you for cheating on your husband! You need to tell him, or I might tell him for you."
> 
> ...


Thats fkn brilliant MattMatt. Brilliant i say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

naga75 said:


> Thats fkn brilliant MattMatt. Brilliant i say.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you! With a mind as devious as mine, it's probably good that I am honest!


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Haha. The reason i say that is that i could have used it. A close family member told me about my wife via what he had been told and this would have removed him from the equation. 
As i just recently posted
How i wish i had found this place before i confronted her like the hot head that i am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

naga75 said:


> Bruises on her thighs that you didnt put there,


She explained that by saying it was from the dog.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Tinman, everybody has to decide how much evidence is enough. I promise you your VAR and GPS will have it for you in 60 days max.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Tinman70 said:


> On another note I would really like to her nervous, maybe something like "I got an text from a block number saying " your wife is having an affair" and see how she reacts to that. Any other ideas?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't do that. You're just going to put her on edge, raise HER suspicions and she's going to make the affair even harder to keep track of. Don't show your hand until you get all the evidence you feel you need. Keep acting like everything is normal.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> You could try this:
> 
> Set up an anonymous email account with a free account provider (one you do NOT use) and send her an email (from a Internet Cafe) saying: "I know about your affair. Shame on you for cheating on your husband! You need to tell him, or I might tell him for you."
> 
> ...


Hey that's not bad


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> You could try this:
> 
> Set up an anonymous email account with a free account provider (one you do NOT use) and send her an email (from a Internet Cafe) saying: "I know about your affair. Shame on you for cheating on your husband! You need to tell him, or I might tell him for you."
> 
> ...



You sneaky bastard.. Brilliant BTW


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So is her b party coming up or over? Because you could drop the bomb there and then in front of everyone.?

Yeah, she's been having sex with him so long that they are now an old couple.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also it's clear her friend knows about her cheating. 

Can you pay that angle perhaps?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Gather some more evidence, then go to the library, get on a computer and email yourself posing as an anonymous person who knows your wife is having an affair with this guy, has proof, and thinks you should know....Watch for the foreworks.....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Gather some more evidence, then go to the library, get on a computer and email yourself posing as an anonymous person who knows your wife is having an affair with this guy, has proof, and thinks you should know....Watch for the foreworks.....


Or a double bluff. Email her asking why she is cheating on OM? (Pretending to think OM is her main squeeze and husband is a lover of hers?)


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Or a double bluff. Email her asking why she is cheating on OM? (Pretending to think OM is her main squeeze and husband is a lover of hers?)


Or suggest to her that her OM is "cheating" on her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Or suggest to her that her OM is "cheating" on her.


Now, that might not work. See, the OM would not cheat on her! Why not? He's just not like that! He's not a cheat!


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

LostAndContent said:


> Having read that thread, I would argue that they were on the road to divorce long before he ever came to TAM. His "going slow" method wasn't working. All TAM did was convince him to defend himself. Considering some of the lies she's now spreading around and the legal action she's pursuing, I shudder to think of where he would be now if he hadn't started following TAM's advice to record everything and start pursuing his own legal options.
> 
> I will admit that TAM has been rude to Fredmilla on occasion, but the faithful spouse if frequently in a fog of their own, and sometimes people here get a little rude when trying to break them out of it.
> 
> What would you suggest as a "going slow" method?



All I know is that Fred Milla came to TAM looking to save his marriage, and even mentioned he was not ready for major disruptions and now, one month after taking the TAM aggressive approach, he is in a sh--storm, up to his elbows in legal battles. 

In the end, this is where many infidelities will end up: divorce, enmity, bleeding cash and broken families, but my point is the betrayed spouse must be READY FOR THIS. 

If Fred had taken it slower and let the shock of the infidelity sink in, perhaps been less aggressive and more tactical in his actions, incrementally moving towards a split, or reconciliation, one can buy time and prepare for the worst. 

By being aggressive after first learning of an affair, the knee-jerk response of the cheater is to defend themselves, and this plays right into the hands of the other man/woman, assumming they want to break up the marriage. They come swooping in as the hero.


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> So is her b party coming up or over? Because you could drop the bomb there and then in front of everyone.?
> 
> Yeah, she's been having sex with him so long that they are now an old couple.


If he does this she will certainly leave him and hate him forever. 

Is that what he wants?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

If you want to speed up the gathering evidence process you can try to clue her directly or the way Matt suggested BUT... put in place of the snooping tools first so you can monitor the aftermath.
Her first reaction will be damage control, erasing evidence, conocting stories, warning OM, asking advice to toxic GF...


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

Tinman70 said:


> I plan on keeping it low right now and see what involves. I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen often, maybe once or twice a month over the course of our entire marriage but suspect its escalating. I dunno, I'm a bit confused and angry but not vengeful yet. I need to get things in order, I don't plan on reconciliation with her once a cheater always a cheater. I feel I need to find the smoking gun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good plan, though I believe a physical affair is certainly happening, more solid evidence is a good idea. 

If I find out my wife is cheating my first call will be to an old girlfriend of mine, we always had good times. Frankly, my plan will be to start dating around too, stop calling the wife, stay out late, confuse the hell out of her, give her a taste of her own, see how long I can torture her, make it clear I am having fun, other woman are very interested in me, get her to come back around, and then drop the divorce papers on her lap. 

I go out the winner.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It sound like you have a plan so stick with it. Sell and secure assets, gather intel and stay few steps ahead of your WW.

The time will come when its right to confront her....it will happen and it will feel right for you. It may be the smoking gun, it may be the simple fact that your wife is behaving differently when you are around her and when you aren't around her.

Again your wife is not doing the things that could affair proof the marriage, tells you one thing and does another, and lack of respect she has for you by continuing this relationship with OM.

I mean in the end game here, you don't want to be with some when that has the lack of boundries she has. So even if she isn't screwing around, the combination of all the other things I mentioned justify your tough love appraoch that may or may not make your WW go find the help she needs to have a commited and healthy marriage.

I do however believe you will get the smoking gun, it will take time, your chick does not want to lose her marriage over this guy, so I believe it is an on again off again thing that will take patience to uncover.

So I suggest that you lay low, let it heat up, hire a PI when the timing is right and then set up your exit.....again always being a few steps ahead of your WW. 


Or


Have your wife served and see if she fight for her marriage or bails and gets even worse...don't tell her any thing...hell, tell her ILYBNILWY line...I'm just thinking, how hard will she try to fight for you versus liening towards the OM even more.


I bet the 1st thing out of her mouth will be " are you seeing someone else"?

This is called projection.

And telling her no won't mean crap, she is seeing some one else so why wouldn't you ...... My point here is if you do elect to just have her served with no other reason then no loger loving her, she will gavitate to the Om and justify it....... I doubt she will beg and cry for the marriage....but I could be wrong. You know her the best, were do you think she will go if your have her served without confronting about the OM? do you think she fights to when your love back, or bail?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I agree with some others here in that you should follow your plan. As brilliant as Matt's scheme is, lol, it might be too early for you. I think your case is solid but I'm not the one that has to let it sink in that my wife is having an affair and confronting her with it. People are going to pressure you to confront as soon as possible because some people do wait so long that they eventually sweep it under the rug or they let it get to the point that reconciliation is impossible ... but ... knee-jerk reactions and going in without a plan doesn't work. Build your case and prepare yourself emotionally and financially for the worst possible outcome. There is a LOT of good advice here on TAM about how to build your case and people will be here to support you emotionally.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ever-Man said:


> If he does this she will certainly leave him and hate him forever.
> 
> Is that what he wants?


Sorry ever man, but time and time again, spouses that placate their WS find their kindness repaid with spite and disrespect. Ts viewed as weakness and makes you deeply unattractive to the WS.

Not all marriages can be saved from infidelity as by the time a spouse has chosen to cheat they are already gone and have no interest in saving the marriage.

For those others, a massive nuclear strike can shock a ws enough to both end the affair and to wake up from the fog.

Your other post seems to indicate that you'd personally engage in a revenge affair. No that will certainly get a ws angry.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Tinman70 said:


> I
> I have a question that's more of a business nature
> Lol
> Call me
> ...


Hey, I found that smoking gun you were all looking for. It was right there in his original post.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

What married woman talks (texts) to another man like that, and lies to her husband about her whereabouts that is not cheating ?


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

Interesting that now I can see the clues in her conversations. Subtle things that are being influenced by the OM. Example, he has a Harley , she was looking at a vacation package the other day and says " they have Harley Davidson tours, we should go on that" meanwhile I sitting there smile back thinking "you ****ing *****"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

Jonesey said:


> You sneaky bastard.. Brilliant BTW


That is brilliant ! Once I secure my assets I'm gonna do it! Thks matt
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

Did I mention this guy is 18 years older and was married! Currently he's 58 she's 40. When it started she would have been 31. I met her at 33. I'm positive she didn't cheat when we dated or the 1st year of marriage, after that I think it resumed on a casual basis throughout our marriage but lately I'm sure they are talking almost daily and meeting 2-3 a month.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tinman70 said:


> That is brilliant ! Once I secure my assets I'm gonna do it! Thks matt
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are welcome. I just hope it works out for you.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

You could send that email to yourself including a piece of info gathered from the emails, then confront your wife. Then email again a day or so later with another nugget of info from the emails that would make her even more nervous. 

But the downside is it will put her on alert and may end things without you finding the smoking gun like "Sex" etc!!!


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Tinman you never mentioned do you have kids in the mix? Also you should get to a Dr and get checked for STD's most A sex is done bareback. As well as seeking legal help you should get yourself into IC. It will help. Right now I am betting you are on a rollercoaster 

I know you may want to get things in order but the longer you live with out confronting it is going ot eat at you. Did you put a VAR in her car and or at the house?


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

No kids, we are in the system for adopting but nothing has come of it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## boxcar98 (Jan 11, 2013)

Hey brother, sorry to hear about what is happening. I know I don't post much on here, but I read just about every thread so I would say I kinda see a trend. She is definitely cheating. Here's what I would do:

Get your finances in order

Get a D drawn up

Bag up all of her stuff and put it in the garage 

Change the locks

Go see this guy, walk in to his shop (he'll probably $hit right there)

Tell him "I know you've been sleeping with my wife. I decided that since you want her so bad, you can keep her. You'll be hearing from her shortly. She's going to need a place to stay since I threw out all of her $hit. She's your problem now buddy. Good luck!" 

He will call her and let her know what just happened. 

Go dark and watch the hilarity ensue, and when she shows back up at the house a blubbering mess, give her the D papers and wish her well.


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

I have an appointment next week with a lawyer. Ya it's been a roller coaster ride I have been stuck on since last summer wheny suspicions started. I never really dug to hard for clues then I guess I was in denial. Now since last week I have stepped it up with pretty much full time with a GPS and VAR. So far nothing yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

Also I sync'd her iPhone and will make a copy of her backup file and open it with textpad and I should be able to see all her deleted messages
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Tinman70 said:


> Also I sync'd her iPhone and will make a copy of her backup file and open it with textpad and I should be able to see all her deleted messages
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good move. Focus on you now with the finances. Packing her sh!t in garbage bags has an impact that' for sure.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

boxcar98 said:


> Go see this guy, walk in to his shop (he'll probably $hit right there)
> 
> Tell him "I know you've been sleeping with my wife. I decided that since you want her so bad, you can keep her. You'll be hearing from her shortly. She's going to need a place to stay since I threw out all of her $hit. She's your problem now buddy. Good luck!"


Too long. "Hiya bud! You broke her you bought her!"

Then give the WW a copy of Motley Crue's "Dont go away mad, just go away"


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## brightlight (Feb 18, 2013)

Yes, definitely get the financial stuff in order. It would be a kick in the **** to catch her out and then she robs you of everything when she exits.

You can still try to catch her in the act while you sort your assets out. But to be honest you have enough evidence at the moment.

No need to wait for ever.



MattMatt said:


> Or a double bluff. Email her asking why she is cheating on OM? (Pretending to think OM is her main squeeze and husband is a lover of hers?)


These ideas just get better and better.



boxcar98 said:


> Hey brother, sorry to hear about what is happening. I know I don't post much on here, but I read just about every thread so I would say I kinda see a trend. She is definitely cheating. Here's what I would do:
> 
> Get your finances in order
> 
> ...


Now that sounds like a plan!


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Ever-Man said:


> If Fred had taken it slower and let the shock of the infidelity sink in, perhaps been less aggressive and more tactical in his actions, incrementally moving towards a split, or reconciliation, one can buy time and prepare for the worst.


Fog speak. Cut the gangrene off, lose a few fingers and toes instead of losing your valuable life (time).

The aggressive approach is the only way to go for either R or D.


Go try it your own way and come back 6 months later with Dday # 6 and be ready to do it right and regret not doing it right the first time.


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## Tinman70 (Feb 26, 2013)

Here's an update of my situation. Its been 10 days since i went to full time surveillance. I have been using a VAR in her car and haven't heard anything yet, also i'm using the "Find your Iphone" app which is amazing. Seeing where your wife is in real time is great. During the week she took her vehicle for service work and took out a new car for a test drive. She ran her errand that she said she had to do then, as i'm watching her on GPS she headed directly towards his work and stopped short a few blocks away for about 15mins. I figuered she wanted his opinion on the vehicle and texted to meet or waited for his return text telling her he wasn't there. So far, no real evidence. Today i will have access to her computer and will look at her Iphone backup file with textpad. I also plan on Jailbreaking her phone and installing a spy sms app on here phone (software sugestions please). She still doesn't have a clue that i suspect her. The hardest part is that I love my wife so i need concrete evidence, it is tearing me apart but i'm hanging in there. We were having a conversation about one of her friends leaving her husband for OM, I said to her most men as soon as they hear a woman complaining about their husband means they want attention and are open to an affair. I could totaly see the guilt in her face. Now that i see it, the clues are everywhere in our conversations. I am really restraining myself though, I just want to come out with it and say "I know everything", but i don't think it will be wise yet.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Control yourself and don't slip anything from your mouth until you have enough evidence.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

keko said:


> Control yourself and don't slip anything from your mouth until you have enough evidence.


:iagree:


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

I must say, your fortitude is amazing. 
No way i could do it. Well, maybe i could now. 
Keep it up you are doing GREAT.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Tinman70 said:


> ...I also plan on Jailbreaking her phone and installing a spy sms app on here phone (software sugestions please). ...


look on this thread:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/67661-become-spy-catching-them-technology.html

The thread OP (devastatedDad) is a standup-guy - I think you can PM him for more guidance.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

your doing great tinman hang in there and do not have sex with her again.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

tinman. you get an A grade. you need the smoking gun. we get it. keep it up. it may take time. do it and never reveal your sources.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

Hi everyone, I couldn't post with my old username anymore so i had to creat another.

First, i would like to thank everyone on here, all the posts i have read have really helped me through these hard times. I have gone thru so many differant feelings over the last while and this board helps me see things for what they really are. Here's an update of whats been goin on so far. As i have posted earlier, this is the only evidence i have and i continue to find the "smoking gun". I have installed a VOR in her car and in one part of the house hoping to catch more evidence, but nothing has come up in the las few weeks except for a conversation she was having her friend that she has a former boyfriend who would love to date her if she wasn't married to me. I'm not sure if she might suspect that i might be onto her and is being very nice to me lately. We did go south for a week of holidays and had a great time. Whoever said that i will find my evidence in 60 days might be correct, really expected to find the smoking gun within a couple weeks. I suspect that her relationship with this OM is not frequent, only when needed and probably the need for her to feel desired. Also considering that it is an old established relationship that has been going on for years not much contact is made. on/off every other month is what i'm seeing. I don't feel i'm enabling the relationship with OM by gathering evidence because it had started long before i even became the husband. For a while i felt that i had started to rug sweep it, until i found another small clue, aggresive evidence gathering until you find what convinces you entirely is very important. I'v started getting ready for my D Day, waiting for the "smoking gun" and i will be ready, untill then playing it cool cause this affair is a very difficult one to catch. I still wonder everyday "I'm I the crazy one for thinking this?"

Thanks everyone


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I forgot about your thread. I haven't refamiliarized myself with your entire situation, but I did miss something crucial in the first post you made. I didn't realize that you married a woman who you knew was cheating on her last husband for 2 years. Since you knew all of this before you married her...WHY?

If there are no kids involved in this marriage - or if the kids are at least older - divorce the woman. At a minimum her boundaries suck. But more likely, she is a serial cheater. You were dumb enough to marry her in the first place knowing her history. Wise up and move on. Then the next time when you get close to another woman, verify that she isn't married and cheating on her husband, or break it off immediately if she's a known cheater. IMHO, you could have easily avoided all of this pain and anguish with a little bit of common sense.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If there are children involved and the affair has been going on from the beginning of your marriage then it would be a good idea to:
1. Get the children tested for paternity.
2. Have yourself tested for STD's.
3. Contact an excellent lawyer now just to understand your various options.

Good luck.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Tinman70 said:


> I'm I crazy? My wife of 7 years is cheating. I guess I'm in denial please post your opinions. This is my story.
> When my wife and were dating we disclosed all our previous relationships. I have no problem with her ex's, one of them I'm even currently friends with. *But one guy she was involved with was married and carried on a secret relationship for the better part of 2 years off and on*. Just a booty call, he was helping me thru hard times she said, and it was over. A year or so after we are married I found out she had stopped in his work ( he owns his own business ) I asked her about it and she said she was just picking some boxes for her friend, I said I was uncomfortable with this guy because of the context of their relationship previous to us getting together/married. She said ok, she wouldn't have contact with him anymore. Last summer I noticed she had finger bruises on the inside of thighs just above her knees on both sides. I asked her about them and she said It must have been the dogs. Alarm bells go off in my head and I decide to look for more evidence.



You married someone who you knew had no respect for marriage by carrying on an affair with a married man.

Quite frankly (and not to be hurtful), you knew what she's capable of and I hope you aren't surprised by her lack of respect for her own marriage to you.

I suppose the question is: is this what you want in your wife or in your quality of life? If not, move on; if so, carry on.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

aug said:


> You married someone who you knew had no respect for marriage by carrying on an affair with a married man.
> 
> Quite frankly (and not to be hurtful), you knew what she's capable of and I hope you aren't surprised by her lack of respect for her own marriage to you.
> 
> I suppose the question is: is this what you want in your wife or in your quality of life? If not, move on; if so, carry on.


You hit the nail on the head with that one. Thank you for keeping it real for me. Just to clarify, She used to see the OM before we were married or knew each other. When we got together she told me she used to have an affair with him while he was married and she was single but said it was over when we met. This was about 8 years ago. He has since widowed 3 years ago, and now she is the one married. I think she is in deep FOG because she is bitter that he's now single and she's married and feels trapped in her marriage.

We have no children and i don't plan on reconcilling with her but i do need time to complete some home reno's i started and the spring melt before i drop the bomb and sell the house. I don't wanna spend the next 60 days in a high stress situation with her. It just seems like such a long time to wait, so i will keep gathering evidence so that know that i am making the right decision, once I DDay i'm gonna do the 180 and disclose it to her family. I probably will disclose it to the OM grown children since he is widowed. I wanna make sure that they know that she slept with him when their mother was alive and that he distroyed my marriage. I will make sure his grown children never except her as a new girlfriend in the future.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tinman74 said:


> You hit the nail on the head with that one. Thank you for keeping it real for me. Just to clarify, She used to see the OM before we were married or knew each other. When we got together she told me she used to have an affair with him while he was married and she was single but said it was over when we met. This was about 8 years ago. He has since widowed 3 years ago, and now she is the one married. I think she is in deep FOG because she is bitter that he's now single and she's married and feels trapped in her marriage.
> 
> We have no children and i don't plan on reconcilling with her but i do need time to complete some home reno's i started and the spring melt before i drop the bomb and sell the house. I don't wanna spend the next 60 days in a high stress situation with her. It just seems like such a long time to wait, so i will keep gathering evidence so that know that i am making the right decision, once I DDay i'm gonna do the 180 and disclose it to her family. I probably will disclose it to the OM grown children since he is widowed. I wanna make sure that they know that she slept with him when their mother was alive and that he distroyed my marriage. I will make sure his grown children never except her as a new girlfriend in the future.


So, you are going to let her go? If that's what you want to do, then that's what you need to do.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

No kids, al the signs of a serial cheater...
Sound like a good decision.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

I probably will disclose it to the OM grown children since he is widowed. I wanna make sure that they know that she slept with him when their mother was alive and that he distroyed my marriage. I will make sure his grown children never except her as a new girlfriend in the future.[/QUOTE]

Does anyone disagree with this? I'm not sure how the OM's grown children will react to this, knowing their father had an affair on their mother before she passed away.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Tinman74 said:


> I probably will disclose it to the OM grown children since he is widowed. I wanna make sure that they know that she slept with him when their mother was alive and that he distroyed my marriage. I will make sure his grown children never except her as a new girlfriend in the future.


Does anyone disagree with this? I'm not sure how the OM's grown children will react to this, knowing their father had an affair on their mother before she passed away.[/QUOTE]

No, I agree completely with this. They deserve to know, or should I say, that his kids deserve to know what their father did to there Mother and you.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I totally agree with you Tinman on this approach. There has to be consequences to their actions.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

Agree. EXPOSE FAR and WIDE. As BS's...it is our greatest tool.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Totally agree. 

If she takes up with him they should know that the relationship started in a deceitful way. Their view of her may or may not change but the truth will be out there. 

Don't sound vengeful when you inform them. Be matter of fact. 

_"I don't know if your dad ever confessed to your mother that he had been having an affair with my stbxw for years. Now that I'm divorcing Jane, she and your dad can finally act openly."_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Tinman74 said:


> I probably will disclose it to the OM grown children since he is widowed. I wanna make sure that they know that she slept with him when their mother was alive and that he distroyed my marriage. I will make sure his grown children never except her as a new girlfriend in the future.
> 
> Does anyone disagree with this? I'm not sure how the OM's grown children will react to this, knowing their father had an affair on their mother before she passed away.


I don't disagree, it depends on how you do it. You are not there yet. You need some evidence, more than what you've got so far, if you're going to convince his kids. They may or may not believe you. Maybe they already knew he cheated on their mother. If they didn't know, and they think he is Mr. Fantastic Husband, it's going to take showing them at least a little bit of hard evidence to convince them.

My mom passed away years ago, and as far as I know neither he nor my dad ever cheated. If someone came to me now with a story about one of them cheating, there is NO WAY I would believe it without evidence. Of course, if you told me my dad was involved with some married woman now, and then later dad started dating this woman, who was now separated or divorced, yeah, it would plant a seed of doubt in my mind. Maybe more than a seed, more like a tree of doubt.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

Well it's been over 30 days since I found the "sex is business" text. Since then I have been using 2 VAR's and the find my IPhone GPS app. I havent been able to access her text messages so cant be certain that no comunication has been made, i do know she hasn't been to his house or work. Still haven't found any more evidence, I suspect she may have a hint that I might know but isn't sure. She has been super nice and we are getting along great, which seems unusual. She still complains about me on how lacking I am to her friends on the phone/VAR which I find disturbing enough. She did make mention to one of her girlfriends that she is fence sitting and that the OM would love to date her. The hardest part is I feel that i need just need a bit more evidence. Regardless I will confront her with what I go so far but wish I had more. This waiting is killing me, I am very anxious to confront and I'm not sure how much longer I can wait. Still need to get a few things in order. Feeling a bit weak worn down, if I confront now I know I will feel better but the aftermath might be worse than now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Tinman74 said:


> Well it's been over 30 days since I found the "sex is business" text. Since then I have been using 2 VAR's and the find my IPhone GPS app. I havent been able to access her text messages so cant be certain that no comunication has been made, i do know she hasn't been to his house or work. Still haven't found any more evidence, I suspect she may have a hint that I might know but isn't sure. She has been super nice and we are getting along great, which seems unusual. She still complains about me on how lacking I am to her friends on the phone/VAR which I find disturbing enough. She did make mention to one of her girlfriends that she is fence sitting and that the OM would love to date her. The hardest part is I feel that i need just need a bit more evidence. Regardless I will confront her with what I go so far but wish I had more. This waiting is killing me, I am very anxious to confront and I'm not sure how much longer I can wait. Still need to get a few things in order. Feeling a bit weak worn down, if I confront now I know I will feel better but the aftermath might be worse than now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


she is "fence sitting"? so trying to decide what she wants to do, meanwhile just keeping you waiting in the wings?
to he!! witht that man. i say, force her hand. force her to make a decision. if she cant, make it for her. save your dignity and dont be plan b.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's fence sitting because she feels she has the freedom and power to do it.

I agree with outing the cheating by the OM to his children.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

Just to be clear, I will be divorcing her. But need time to get my stuff together, who would want to be married to someone like that, not me. Ideally, I wanna confront, list the house and sell fast and get on with my life. I just don't wanna be living in the same house while I'm trying to Finnish a bathroom Reno and make the house sellable after a confrontation, or does it matter? Btw her sister left her husband of 15 years last year, and had a boyfriend within 2 weeks after announcing it lol . My brother in law had to live in the same house with her while she was shaggin this new guy. She is also not a good influence and encourages my wife that I'm the devil lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

The bathroom renovation will happen whether you are married, separated, or divorced.

I applaud your calm, man. I would have nuked the place by now.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Tinman74 said:


> Just to be clear, I will be divorcing her. But need time to get my stuff together, who would want to be married to someone like that, not me. Ideally, I wanna confront, list the house and sell fast and get on with my life. I just don't wanna be living in the same house while I'm trying to Finnish a bathroom Reno and make the house sellable after a confrontation, or does it matter? Btw her sister left her husband of 15 years last year, and had a boyfriend within 2 weeks after announcing it lol . My brother in law had to live in the same house with her while she was shaggin this new guy. She is also not a good influence and encourages my wife that I'm the devil lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Followed you from early on

/e adds brass balls endorsement to Tinmans man card.

Sounds like the "love" part may be dwindling rapidly for you.

Age?
Are you in a fault state?
Followed you for a while. Good luck man.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

I'm 42, I went thru many stages since last summer when I found the bruise. Of course back then I denied it could be happening pretty much rug swept it and felt it was my fault till just after New Years I only had suspicions. Not until recently have I found more convincing evidence and have gone from angry to more recently excited to get on with a new life. It's takes its toll on someone. Someone mentioned that this is an old affair with the OM and will be difficult to uncover, well it certainly has been so far.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

Tinman,

I'm really impressed with your calm, calculated approach. Your life post-divorce will be soooo much better. Sadly, she sounds like a serial cheater with toxic family and friends. Reconciliation sounds like a major risk at this point. And you seem emotionally ready to move on.

There's one small point where I disagree with the previous posts and your plan of action: alerting the kids of the OM to their father's infidelity towards their deceased mother.

Even though they are grown up, what use is giving them more pain? What use is it having them see the ugliness in their parent's marriage from years ago? They may know - and in that case it's irrelevant whether you notify them. Or they might not - and in this case I think ignorance is bliss is best. They are probably still mourning the loss of their mom and it will only complicate sadness with resentment towards their father.

You are doing everything else right. I'd not involve myself in the OM's life since he is single now and the news of the past won't change a thing other than increase resentment.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Tinman74 said:


> I'm 42, I went thru many stages since last summer when I found the bruise. Of course back then I denied it could be happening pretty much rug swept it and felt it was my fault till just after New Years I only had suspicions. Not until recently have I found more convincing evidence and have gone from angry to more recently excited to get on with a new life. It's takes its toll on someone. Someone mentioned that this is an old affair with the OM and will be difficult to uncover, well it certainly has been so far.


 Remember that the only one that you need to prove anything to is yourself. You have no child, so you can think about doing what is best for you. The evidence that you cited is enough for you to know what is going on. Every time that she contacts him or goes to his place she is cheating because she is doing it behind your back after promising that she would go no contact with him. The fact that even her friends know is even more disrespectful to you and your marraige.

When you do confront, do not tell her how or what you know. Just tell her that you know that she is cheating on you with the other man and that you do not have to prove it to her to file for divorce. Then turn to her and ask her why? After asking this question, shut up and wait for the answer, even if there is a long silence. The first one that speaks loses. This is your best shot at getting a confession, so do not blow it by talking too much.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Tinman74 said:


> I'm 42, I went thru many stages since last summer when I found the bruise. Of course back then I denied it could be happening pretty much rug swept it and felt it was my fault till just after New Years I only had suspicions. Not until recently have I found more convincing evidence and have gone from angry to more recently excited to get on with a new life. It's takes its toll on someone. Someone mentioned that this is an old affair with the OM and will be difficult to uncover, well it certainly has been so far.


This is my cue to pop in to say: get in the shape of your life (6 pack) and you'll have an instant following of 34 year old women, younger and hotter than your STBXWW. Start now.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

New evidence?

Mach for the win. Make sure your ex sees the younger hotter girlfriend and maybe someday wife version 2 with the loyalty chip per-installed.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

Something of interest just heared on VAR. I was doing work at all old high school friend of mine who lives in the neighbourhood. He's a carpenter who is working at my wife's friends place. Now this friend of my wife is a real gossiper and my wife who is in the FOG was complaining to her about me on how lacking etc i am. My wife's friend tells my buddy that I'm a crappy husband etc lol. So I confronts wife about this and ask her why she is discussing/complaing about our marriage to her friend( she's also a neighbour) and her lack of boundaries concerning our marriage and the obvious source is her. She admitted that it was her fault and that she should not have discussed our marriage. ( meanwhile I know complains to all friends about me, one even hit on me lol). Anyways, wife calls my buddy and tells him not to mention anything else that her friend might have said to him because I'm confronting her about it and not to add more fuel to the fire. What the hell?? Is that messed up or what?? 
I also said that her friend is no longer welcome to our house and she better tell or I will to her face next time she comes by ( she comes by frequently) and reminded her again that she is the source of this situation. Tonight I will ask why she is discussing this with my buddy. She just has no boundaries. She really is a disgusting person the more I found out who she really is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I don't understand you? What is the purpose of the VAR, to overhear her convos and jump own her throat every time you hear something you don't like?

You're 42 apparently yet you act like a child. You want to divorce her right? She's going to sh*t talk about you until the cows come home because she detached from you a long time ago and she's minimizing her part in the divorce. The VAR should be a personal insight to the woman your wife is/was when she's away from you and in the company of others. She can talk sh*t about you all day yet come home and be smiles and roses, heck maybe even discuss R..but you know the truth. If she's smart she'll work out how you know what she's talking about..how? She'll go in the car and pretend to start talking about how she met a guy in the mall and liked him..she comes homes and you jump down her throat about this guy..busted.

Play you cards close to your chest.


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

BobSimmons said:


> I don't understand you? What is the purpose of the VAR, to overhear her convos and jump own her throat every time you hear something you don't like?
> 
> You're 42 apparently yet you act like a child. You want to divorce her right? She's going to sh*t talk about you until the cows come home because she detached from you a long time ago and she's minimizing her part in the divorce. The VAR should be a personal insight to the woman your wife is/was when she's away from you and in the company of others. She can talk sh*t about you all day yet come home and be smiles and roses, heck maybe even discuss R..but you know the truth. If she's smart she'll work out how you know what she's talking about..how? She'll go in the car and pretend to start talking about how she met a guy in the mall and liked him..she comes homes and you jump down her throat about this guy..busted.
> 
> Play you cards close to your chest.


The way I read this was he had outside confirmation before he spoke to his wife so she probably thinks that's where he heard what he did.

Either way, if he is looking for undeniable proof (or as close as you can get with a cheater), I totally agree that the cards need to be played so close to the chest that he finds indents when he's done.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

I think you missed my point. I never mentioned any details from the VAR, just the gossip that went thru my buddy from her friend and he felt I should know. That is all I asked her about. She has been thrashing me for quite some time but I keep it to myself. But your right about the 2nd part, I won't mention her contacting my buddy and asking him not to mention anymore details to me even though he has. Everything has been to rosy lately had to throw a bump in the road and gauge how she reacts, she knew that I had heard so I had to mention something. Their was no mention of an affair just the gossip that is getting around and people believing her FOG bs. I do believe she feels guilt and is trying but from the pattern I have been seeing so far only last so long.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

Update of my situation.
Again thanks everyone for the great advice and support. I read this thread everyday to remind myself that I am not crazy and in denial.
Well, it's been almost 2 months since I found the "sex is business " text. Since then I have been using 2 VAR's and the find my iPhone app. I have not found the "smoking gun". Did hear a couple times her mention the OM like I posted earlier but no direct communication with him. I don't have access to her text messages, she texts everyone and I'm sure their is evidence to be found there. I also have watched her everyday with find my iPhone and has always gone where she said she would. Our relationship has been really great lately, I suspect she was feeling real guilty and decided her marriage is more important. Probably just a guilt phase until she is going through hard times again. 

On another note, VAR did reveal something that will require more investigating. About a year or so ago my wife met a new girlfriend whom she talked to pretty much everyday and from recent phone record search for hours at a time. She has never introduced me to her or come by our house and doesn't mention much content about their conversations but visits her at her home and work frequently. I should mention my wife is quite liberal and probably has had bisexual experiences in the past. She does have bisexual friends and tends to attract those types as friends. So, anyways the other day she meets up with her friend for coffee and drops her off at work. This is what I heard on VAR
Her girlfriend says " this is a romantic drive, I feel like it"
Wife says" I'm feeling it"
Friend "you should put out"
Wife says " I'm feeling it"
Friend " it's too bad I'm not feeling well"
Wife laughs and changes the subject 

Wow, this was something I didn't expect. I have seen pictures of this friend and its clear she bisexual. She talks like a trucker and mentioned earlier she would have loved to fvck a couple of contractors that did work at her house the previous day and how she kept flashing them her cleavage.
Anyways, that's what has been going on lately. I'm still playing it like everything is normal and gathering evidence, but still not enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to get someone else to listen to these recordings. Saw an example of how someone was 100% convinced that he had a recording of his wife having sex with OM. When other people (independent people) heard the recordings they could not confirm what he thought he had heard.


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## Tinman74 (Mar 29, 2013)

Ya I agree, could be two girlfriends just joking around. Not something to take seriously. But I wouldn't put it past her to engage I'm an EA with another woman. I'm sure this friend encourages her to have an affair/fun with an OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

In the meantime, are you protecting and securing your financial assets? (no need to answer and let everyone know)


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

That's three wife maybe cheating with women threads....seems to be becoming quite normal at the moment..


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Tinman74 said:


> Update of my situation.
> Again thanks everyone for the great advice and support. I read this thread everyday to remind myself that I am not crazy and in denial.
> Well, it's been almost 2 months since I found the "sex is business " text. Since then I have been using 2 VAR's and the find my iPhone app. I have not found the "smoking gun". Did hear a couple times her mention the OM like I posted earlier but no direct communication with him. I don't have access to her text messages, she texts everyone and I'm sure their is evidence to be found there. I also have watched her everyday with find my iPhone and has always gone where she said she would. Our relationship has been really great lately, I suspect she was feeling real guilty and decided her marriage is more important. Probably just a guilt phase until she is going through hard times again.
> 
> ...


I think your wife's choice of friends and her friends' attitude toward sex and your wife's reactions can give you some insight into your wife's attitude about cheating and her moral compass in general.

Were the contractors married? Doesn't seem to have been mentioned, so I guess you can assume that it doesn't matter much to either of them. Just an opportunity for sex, married or not wouldn't matter.

Also, regarding the "romantic drive" talk, kind of an odd conversation to have on the way to work, isn't it?


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

You said your wife has "probably" had bisexual experiences in the past?
You dont know this about your wife, for certain?
Kinda seems like one of the things you should be aware of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Tinman. Did you ever get your evidence?


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