# Is it worth finding and contacting posOMW?



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

I have a couple of threads here at TAM here chronicling the demise of my marriage and my current separation. Most of it is in "when does in get better" in Going through separation or divorce.

Long story short. My wife has been in a long-distance affair for about six months. Started in EA. Went PA in April.

I have exposed to family and friends. posOM knows that I know. Exposure did nothing to end it or slow it down.

I am currently not living in our marital home anymore. This is simply so my small kids are not uprooted. I pay none of the expenses for the marital residence.

Of course, even though my WW says she has no problem with what she is doing, she goes out of her way to hide the affair.

From the beginning, she claims that posOM has been separated is in the throes of his own divorce for the last year. Given that cheaters by definition are skilled liars, its natural to wonder whether or not this is true.

Is it worth it to try find posOMW at this point? Or, is it simply a moot action, given that this has been going for six months and has been exposed to family and friends at this point with no effect?


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Blow it all out of the water. OM is probably lying anyway, and you might save some poor BS from possibly reconciling with the twit.


----------



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

spun said:


> I have a couple of threads here at TAM here chronicling the demise of my marriage and my current separation. Most of it is in "when does in get better" in Going through separation or divorce.
> 
> Long story short. My wife has been in a long-distance affair for about six months. Started in EA. Went PA in April.
> 
> ...


At this point why wouldn't you is the better question.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

His wife may be able to use the info about a confirmed physical affair to nail his azz to the wall.

You have nothing to lose by trying to contact his wife and let her know what has been and still is happening.

Go for it.


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> His wife may be able to use the info about a confirmed physical affair to nail his azz to the wall.
> 
> You have nothing to lose by trying to contact his wife and let her know what has been and still is happening.
> 
> Go for it.


So how the hell do I find out who she is? He lives over 1,000 miles away, and my WW is certainly not corresponding with her. So, it seems emails, texts, etc will be of no help.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Were you able to access his and her facebook page?


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Were you able to access his and her facebook page?


Hers yes. Nothing on it. She is keeping this thing way underground. It all about her image, she wouldn't be caught dead being known as a cheater.

He does not have one.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

spun said:


> Hers yes. Nothing on it. She is keeping this thing way underground. It all about her image, she wouldn't be caught dead being known as a cheater.
> 
> He does not have one.


Do you have any computer monitoring software on the computer? They may have secret accounts that they're communicating with. Hopefully he's mentioning his BW in some of these communications.


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Cheaters are all about the lie. My wife told the OM we were seperated and that was not the case.

This woman may not know what is happening. She has the right to know


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

spun said:


> So how the hell do I find out who she is? He lives over 1,000 miles away, and my WW is certainly not corresponding with her. So, it seems emails, texts, etc will be of no help.


Google is your friend (sometimes).

Seriously, you can google his name, phone number, anything about him that you know for a fact to see where it takes you. You can see if his location 1,000 miles away has a local newspaper or government court website that has information on it. Distance is not a factor on the internet.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Google is your friend (sometimes).
> 
> Seriously, you can google his name, phone number, anything about him that you know for a fact to see where it takes you. You can see if his location 1,000 miles away has a local newspaper or government court website that has information on it. Distance is not a factor on the internet.


:iagree:
That's how I managed to send the letter to posOWF when she tried to break NC with my husband. I believe she intercepted, based on the text she sent me after it got there, but I knew her name, I knew their child's name and the year he was born. There was a birth announcement in their local paper, online. From that, I got the fiance's name. I searched for him on spokeo and found a couple places that matched HIS name... put in her name and narrowed it down. And this was all FREE searches. Had I paid, I probably would have gotten his work address and other family members who could have made sure HE got the letter. Anyway, no contact from her since, but I still have the options, at least. 

So, my vote is to expose to the posOMW, regardless of whether they are separated or not. It's likely they were NOT separated when the affair began. Anyway, that's just my $0.02.


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Google is your friend (sometimes).
> 
> Seriously, you can google his name, phone number, anything about him that you know for a fact to see where it takes you. You can see if his location 1,000 miles away has a local newspaper or government court website that has information on it. Distance is not a factor on the internet.


Ok, no info for wife. But I managed to figure out who his brother is, and by way of that information, the brother's wife. Have a listing for the SIL's phone number.

Now how to proceed from here?


----------



## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

But know the POS name? And what city he is in. Theres a website, let me see if i can find it that shows all known relatives.


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> But know the POS name? And what city he is in. Theres a website, let me see if i can find it that shows all known relatives.


Yes, I know his name, just can't seem to find his wife's name via those sites.


----------



## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Try mylife.com, put in POS name and city go from there. Alot of times it shows who they are married to and other relatives......


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

spokeo.com.... intellius (can't remember what you can get free and what you have to pay for).... i think jigsaw.com. There are a few sites you can try for familial relationships... spouses, parents, siblings, adult kids...etc.


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

spun said:


> Ok, no info for wife. But I managed to figure out who his brother is, and by wife of that information, the brother's wife. Have a listing for the SIL's phone number.
> 
> Now how to proceed from here?


You said earlier that the OM is allegedly separated. A court docket (not the details) should be on a local court record, if you can find one with a search option. For example Doe v. Doe. If his State has one, and you can't find a case with his name, then it's possible that he is not separated.

Can you hire a PI to call the brother and ask about his SIL (the OMW)? Can you get a friend (with a nice business voice) to inquire?

You are close my friend. Can you look up their local newspaper "archives" and see if any article (announcement, obit, etc) has any mention of the names?

Do you have the address of the OM? If so, can you go to State Records (Assessments and Taxation) to find out who owns the house? Rented? Jointly owned by OM and OMW?

You see, these are the type of sites that can render valuable information for free, if you can find them through google or already know they exist.


----------



## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Free Public Records Searches | Black Book Online




This site has been a valuable tool and secret for me for years. Go to state searches and see what you come up with


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Just had a thought. Not sure how well it'd work... if they have any kids, try birth announcements with his name. I know when we had the announcements in the papers for our kids, they said "To Mr. & Mrs. {Maricha75's husband}, nee Maricha75+maiden name, a [son,daughter]" etc... might find "Mr & Mrs "posOM" announcements.


----------



## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

I just PMd u. I got the phone number


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> Try mylife.com, put in POS name and city go from there. Alot of times it shows who they are married to and other relatives......


Did that. Relatives. But no wife. I figured out who the women are from those searches.


----------



## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Check your PM


----------

