# 8 months separated



## Dsmith1985 (Apr 30, 2018)

Hey guys, 
Need some advice / guidance on what’s going on.
Me and wife separated about 8 months ago, due to having a miserable few years together. She cheated and I never really let it go despite me taking her back. Been a rough 8 months, where I thought we would never be able to talk again despite having two young children. 
Whilst we’ve been separated, she has been sleeping around quite heavily which is something she was always against. I have found my self in a relationship but although she’s a nice girl, I just don’t feel it’s working. 
One day, my wife just suddenly started being nicer to me and we’ve since had quite an amicable relationship. Doing things as a family etc. Sending lots of pictures of our children and generally chatting near enough daily. Also, a relative of mine died after a prolonged illness and when I found out, she asked me to stay with her and this led to some sexual actions and would have been sex if she wasn’t on her period. 
She also came to the funeral and was very upset about being round my family and it brought on a lot of emotions. 
I thought this was positive signs for a reconciliation but when I’ve mentioned anything like that, I’m met with it’s never going to happen because she doesn’t feel that way about us anymore and doesn’t have any feelings towards me, but she said to me the other day, that when I’ve said that I’m a much more well rounded person that she’s heard it before and I always go back to who I was. 
This leaves me all very confused and it’s proving harder to be her friend than it was her enemy with out getting feelings again. I genuinely thought i was past all this but have found me wanting to reunite.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Dsmith1985 said:


> Hey guys,
> Need some advice / guidance on what’s going on.
> Me and wife separated about 8 months ago, due to having a miserable few years together. She cheated and I never really let it go despite me taking her back. Been a rough 8 months, where I thought we would never be able to talk again despite having two young children.
> Whilst we’ve been separated, she has been sleeping around quite heavily which is something she was always against. I have found my self in a relationship but although she’s a nice girl, I just don’t feel it’s working.
> ...


She's not your friend or friend material. You need to stop being a doormat, file for D and get on with your life. She sure has.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Please tell us that this is a joke...

Please tell me that you are kidding with this?

She cheated, she sleeps around, and YOU are wondering if it can work? 

Really? 

Did you read what you typed?


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

She cheated and is sleeping around quite heavily.
What about STD's that she could give you
You have already found and started a new 
relationship. File for divorce and move on.
Try and be friendly just for the kids sake.
It sounds like she has already moved on 
anyways. You can and will in time find
someone better. ( Maybe you already have)
Imagine your kids growing up in this toxic 
relationship.

If she tries to initiate sex again tell her 
no thanks I have found someone better.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Please stop acting like a happy family with a serial cheater. She is not marriage material. Your poor kids got a loose mommy. Take care of them and love them as much as you can. Move on with your life and never entertain being a partner to your future X. In the past is where she belongs and needs to stay!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You're just one of many and she prefers it that way. 

Move on.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

She is not your friend and shouldn't be, that's just going to leave you in a bad spot but she is also not your enemy. She is the mother of your kids. And that's all she should be. Best thing you can do is now have an amicable divorce and move on. You don't have to be mean to her. Just indifferent, cordial and only talk to her about NECESSARY kids stuff. The 180 is a must especially for situations like this.


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## Dsmith1985 (Apr 30, 2018)

The cheating was 3 years ago and it was my decision to take her back so I should have let it go. 
Given the chance to have slept around, I would have as well to cope with the emptiness from the break up. 
More a case of wondering what all this back and forth is about at the minute. Can’t help but feel as if there is some feelings there or some sort of regret about anything. 
The heart wants what it wants unfortunately so can’t really help but wonder “what if?”


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

you can not just forgive infidelity. Rugsweeping doesn't work. She probably thinks she can walk all over you, because you handled her cheating so passively.

the woman you thought you married never really existed. The cheating one is her true nature.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dsmith1985 said:


> Hey guys,
> Need some advice / guidance on what’s going on.
> Me and wife separated about 8 months ago, due to having a miserable few years together.* She cheated*
> 
> ...


I can't say anything but that you need a friend to punch you in the gut every time you mention your ex's name. You are not in a healthy state of mind if you are actually wanting to be with a woman who has said and done the things to you that she has. You have zero reason to return to this relationship. The heart wants? Yep, I know the feeling. But you can get past that if you grow as a person. You don't have to tolerate BS behavior. DON'T.

ACCEPT YOUR WIFE IS GONE. Accept that she's a serial cheater and don't make excuses for her. ACCEPT that you can do better and direct your energy toward a woman who does it for you. Dump the one that's "not working". If you liked her that much, you'd have forgotten about your ratty ex already. 

MOVE ON.


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## Dsmith1985 (Apr 30, 2018)

It’s like I had an epiphany today where I realised that it’s not her that I missed, when I look at her, I’m not attracted to her in the slightest. It’s just the whole “family” thing I miss and my children growing up without me around as much as I want to. 
Funny note to add though, Wife is currently pursuing a relationship with someone who she has already had a relationship back in February which ended after two weeks. She ended after he was too keen and fell in love with her in this time. Also, I feel he was trying to push himself to be a father figure to my kids. 
After the relationship ended, she made fun of numerous things about him - her friends thought he was ugly, he was too short, too clingy and even laughed about the size of his penis, also showed me pictures of him and laughed at how ugly he is to her, yet talks about him like he’s the one now, I can see this lasting long (again!) 😂


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## Dsmith1985 (Apr 30, 2018)

Oh and they were cheating on each other during the two weeks, once with me and some other randomer. He was seeing someone and got caught out when the other girl messaged my wife, you honestly couldn’t make it up!!


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## Mobiletaxman (Mar 25, 2018)

Dsmith1985 said:


> It’s like I had an epiphany today where I realised that it’s not her that I missed, when I look at her, I’m not attracted to her in the slightest. It’s just the whole “family” thing I miss and my children growing up without me around as much as I want to.


I am going through my separation after 29 years of marriage. What you stated you "loved and missed" is what I have come to realize myself. I LOVE being married, but it does not have to be with my seperated W. It could be with a woman who truly loves and respects me. I thank God daily that our 2 sons are married and not small.


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## Dsmith1985 (Apr 30, 2018)

Dissapointed to hear that after promising yesterday that she wouldn’t have him around our children, she has since reneged on that and he’s been around them. I’m very concerned that he will try and play “Dad” as he has no children of his own and tried moving them in to his when they were together for the TWO WEEKS before. My children are very young 2 and 1 so would easily fall under the impression that he’s a dad to them and I’ll get pushed out, despite my oldest absolutely adoring me.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yet, you have not mentioned getting a lawyer yet... Or did I miss that?

You should be getting legal advice and not discussing your own wife cheating on another man with YOU.
Crazy talk.

Lawyer up, get a temp. order for your young children to be placed into your full custody since your wife is clearly getting them around another dude.
Getting upset fixes nothing. Taking action can and usually does.


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## MapMan (Dec 11, 2015)

The bottom line is that your wife is no longer sexually attracted to you and doesn't respect you. Never underestimate how important that is for a woman. As long as she thinks (or knows) you are one of many dogs sniffing around her and that she can have you any time she feels like it, she will not value or treat you well. Work on yourself - for yourself. Lose weight, hit the gym and improve yourself at work, etc. You have all the time you need. You will get your wife, but it just might not be the same one. Then expect in later years that you will have no desire for her whatsoever and she will admit that leaving you was the worst choice she ever made.


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