# "Normal" Recovery Times/Events?



## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

Not sure if you read my other post about my recent admission of infidelities to my wife. Bottom line, I cheated, I admitted it, I have ended it with OW. Wife, had a hunch, but is now happy I'm "back" and willing to work on things. 

I admitted my affair (1+ year long affair in which strong feelings developed) last week. I/we had been going to counseling and have since gone together since my admission. 

I'm not sure how this is supposed to work, but I still have LOTS of crazy thoughts. I'm confused. I'm still occasionally thinking about the OW...ok, a lot, despite the fact I know she's toxic. I'm trying with my wife, but she's OVER the top trying. Lots of touching/hugging etc and we have had sex twice since then!! All of these are things we had traditionally argued about and that had been focused on as reasons I was unhappy, before. We had been to counseling a few different times and were/are generally not in sync, sexually/intimacy-wise....from day one of our relationship.

My question...is this normal/right to be having sex, being over the top touchy/feely, etc? I appreciate it, but I'm utterly confused and...well...confused. I still have lingering doubts/thoughts...and this just throws me in to a tail spin of thoughts!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Google 'hysterical bonding.' This sounds like what is happening to you.

(And you need to stop thinking about your marital issues as justifications for your A. You don't sound like you were chained down. You could have divorced.)


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Buy this book, two copies - one for each of you. Because its a detailed book and you need to get a handle of your feelings ASAP. Also, allows for you each to mark up your own books.

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Fri...d=1472363172&sr=8-1&keywords=not+just+friends

I bought these two as well:
Quick read to get you started: https://www.amazon.com/Help-Your-Sp...4_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=03H5NDP0TZHR3Q9JTRQD

And then this: https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair...4_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=03H5NDP0TZHR3Q9JTRQD

Recovery time? For your wife or you? That varies. You maybe looking at 6 months+ to get over your AP (OM / Other woman) Your wife may take 6+ months or years to get healed well... with your help, it will be faster and easier. But if you break contact and meet up / sex with OM - you start everything all over again AND the ability to repair becomes harder.

My wife broke contact twice...

There is NO future with an Affair partner.


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## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Buy this book, two copies - one for each of you. Because its a detailed book and you need to get a handle of your feelings ASAP. Also, allows for you each to mark up your own books.
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Fri...d=1472363172&sr=8-1&keywords=not+just+friends
> 
> ...


Thanks for the thorough answer. I have zero intentions of a future with the AP...I realize how toxic and manipulative she was. But...it definitely effected(s) me and it has spun my brain in to a whole new arena of "what-ifs". So, I'm struggling mightily with the mental game at the moment. 

I appreciate the book suggestions.


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## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

alte Dame said:


> Google 'hysterical bonding.' This sounds like what is happening to you.
> 
> (And you need to stop thinking about your marital issues as justifications for your A. You don't sound like you were chained down. You could have divorced.)


Thanks...I'm googling now


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Apparently your affair made you wonder what life would be like with someone other than your wife? Not really the OW, just someone else? Would you be happy with your wife if she does become more sexual long-term or is the problem deeper than you thought?

The two of you have been together since you were teenagers. Those relationships occasionally work but in general they don't -- especially not in a world of easy divorce. My ex-husband and I met at 18 and were friends for a couple of years before we began dating and then married a very short time later as soon as we turned 21. As the years went on, we turned out to be basically incompatible but as teenagers we didn't know that. His solution was to cheat and, although he never wanted a divorce, after a very long marriage I did divorce him. 

Your wife realizes that the two of you have never been sexually compatible and, now that she knows you cheated, she's trying to step it up. That may be only a temporary change or it may be permanent. Time will tell. The bigger question is whether you will move beyond this dissatisfaction that you currently have. Some people do and some people don't. Again, time will tell.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Hysterical bonding, yes. But she could also be using affection as validation and for security. I physically cheated on my husband 1 time, he had a 10 year EA. We decided to reconcile in February. We had been in house separated from October to February. That is when the bulk of the sexual hysterical bonding happened – during ‘separation’. We were like teenagers again, but we’d also had an active sex life before then, but not QUITE so active. 

The sexual hysterical bonding has calmed down a bit. But, 6 months later, I still hug him every chance I get, kiss him every chance I get. Cuddle every chance I get. If my husband is short with his hugs or kisses me half a$$ed, I panic. “Why isn’t he hugging me? Doesn’t he want to kiss me? Is he changing his mind and doesn’t want to stay together?” Affection is how I feel secure and if there is ANY lag in it, my mind goes racing. 

6 months later, it’s much better. I’m a little calmer about it. I don’t feel like I need the affection every single second. I can sit more comfortably in his presence without feeling like I have to be Velcro-ed to him to feel “safe”.

A good book to read to explain what a woman needs is “His Needs, Her Needs”. In my opinion, it explains the womans mind very well. It also explains that we often give our partners love in the way that WE interpret love. Not realizing that they might not interpret love the same way. So if she’s hugging you, kissing you, being overly affectionate – it’s because SHE needs/wants that in order to feel loved. And therefore, she thinks that’s what YOU need in order to feel loved and safe. 

There is no telling how long it will take to ‘get over’ things. Most likely, you will get over OW before she does. I read something one time that said for however many years you were with someone, it takes an equal number of months to fully get over them. For instance, if you were with someone 10 years, it would take 10 months to get over them. I can’t remember where I read that, or if there is even any truth in that, but it seems that length of time could be on your side. Your affair was a year – hopefully it wouldn’t take as long to ‘get over’ as a lengthier relationship.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

OOPS... I got my OM / OW mixed up.... sorry.

If you value your wife and marriage. Don't plan on FIXING yourselves. 

Get the books I and others suggest. Go to marriage counseling... make sure you both can talk and heal.

PS: I too agree, marrying young = not usually successful. Both of you would need to learn about each other again. See if you can be sexually compatible too.


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## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

Thanks all...I've been reading up on "hysterical bonding" and will figure out which book(s) to get since there have been tons of suggestions I'm not a great reader given some ADD issues (go figure).


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

in_a_funk said:


> My question...is this normal/right to be having sex, being over the top touchy/feely, etc? I appreciate it, but I'm utterly confused and...well...confused. I still have lingering doubts/thoughts...and this just throws me in to a tail spin of thoughts!


She hasn't hit the anger stage yet, has she? :surprise: Just wait.



> I realize how toxic and manipulative she was.


Own your sh*t. You're taking a victim mentality as though you were this innocent choir boy who was forced to act against his will because some evil magic sorceress wove a spell that left you completely powerless to resist. Please.

I repeat - own your sh*t.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> She hasn't hit the anger stage yet, has she? :surprise: Just wait.


Thing is, some women never do. They are so desperate to stay married they will overlook anything. Or worse, blame the OW. My sister did that every time her husband cheated.



> Own your sh*t. You're taking a victim mentality as though you were this innocent choir boy who was forced to act against his will because some evil magic sorceress wove a spell that left you completely powerless to resist. Please.
> 
> I repeat - own your sh*t.


You do understand you are not a victim, OP, right? You were married and you voluntarily chose to break your vows, correct? 

Or is there something we are overlooking?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

TaDor said:


> Buy this book, two copies - one for each of you. Because its a detailed book and you need to get a handle of your feelings ASAP. Also, allows for you each to mark up your own books.
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Fri...d=1472363172&sr=8-1&keywords=not+just+friends
> 
> ...


I'd say the recovery time for a year long A is more like 2 years.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> She hasn't hit *the anger stage *yet, has she? :surprise: Just wait.


Oh yeah...

When I first caught my wife cheating, I was mad, hurt, confused, basically a witches brew of emotion. The one emotion missing Anger. At the time, I really didn't have any room for anger. I was still processing the years of lies and betrayal. 

A couple of months in, my WW was emailing a GF (another cheater) of hers. The GF asked if I had hit the Anger Stage? My WW answered no. Kind of surprised me. In retrospect, cheaters no the drill. 

A few more months past, one morning I woke up and it hit me. By that time I had processed the many years of deceit. I didn't have the time for hurting or confusion. The reality stared me down... literally years of my life stolen by the one person I had entrusted everything I valued as sacred. *STOLEN, 30 years of devotion, raising children, working 60 hours a week to provide, saving everything for her and the kids. Duped, our marriage was nothing but a cheap facade. *

Pure Anger.


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## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

So, basically it sounds like Reconciliation is not likely and/or possible is what I'm hearing from the doom & gloom crowd here...


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

in_a_funk said:


> So, basically it sounds like Reconciliation is not likely and/or possible is what I'm hearing from the doom & gloom crowd here...


It's up to her, and you. But mostly her. Have you given her ALL the information to make a proper decision whether to stay with you? Don't trickle truth this stuff.

Having been the BH (betrayed husband), I can relate to your wife, but I can also relate to being a husband.

If you want to save your marriage, mostly YOU will have to do the heavy lifting. Reassurance, counseling on-demand, listening, etc.

Do not EVER tell her she needs to get over it. NEVER. Even if you decide you don't want to be with her anymore, don't say this. It will hurt so much and piss her off tremendously. Do NOT roll your eyes, be annoyed, etc. if she wants to talk about it.

Typical recovery time for someone who gets cheated on is about 2-5 years. It's typically a fade...It took me about 2.5 years to get to a point where it didn't dominate my emotions. After 3 years I could safely say I was done being damaged. But my wife didn't bang her OM, it was a love affair with no consummation. If they had sex on top of everything else I would have likely never touched her again and we would have separated.

That said, many do recover and have good marriages after this. Odds are not in your favor but they are not zero. 

As far as how long it will take for you to get over the AP, I cannot say. I've never had an AP.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

in_a_funk said:


> So, basically it sounds like Reconciliation is not likely and/or possible is what I'm hearing from the doom & gloom crowd here...


A destroyed marriage takes a great deal of time, energy, effort, and (most of all) commitment -- to be successfully put back together. The biggest problem I see in your R is commitment. You are still wondering what life would be like without your wife. Real R won't work without total commitment and right now you aren't quite there yet. I hope for both your sakes that you do get there. Soon.


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## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

Openminded said:


> A destroyed marriage takes a great deal of time, energy, effort, and (most of all) commitment -- to be successfully put back together. The biggest problem I see in your R is commitment. You are still wondering what life would be like without your wife. Real R won't work without total commitment and right now you aren't quite there yet. I hope for both your sakes that you do get there. Soon.


I'm getting closer. We've had a really good week. I'm getting there and trying very hard, despite the constant reminders and thoughts. I'm getting closer. I won't lie, and my wife knows this...it's a struggle (for both of us) to turn off the thoughts/past. I have a lot of mental issues to work through, in addition to my f'ups, but I'm getting there....


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

in_a_funk said:


> So, basically it sounds like Reconciliation is not likely and/or possible is what I'm hearing from the doom & gloom crowd here...


My wife had an affair a quarter century ago. We are still together. So reconciliation is definitely possible. No one else can tell you how likely it is for you and your wife, particularly not from the information given. 

Other comments (and none of these are deal breakers for reconciliation, but they are things you have to deal with).

There is a lot of talk about trust, and you need to think about that. It's probably hard for you to understand how much being cheated on damages trust. You not only cheated, but presumably lied about it. So your wife has to figure out what she believes and what she doesn't. Not beating you up, but if you have been able to look her in the eye and lie about these things, how does she know you are not still lying. 

Related to that, my advice is not to hold back any information she asks for, even if the answers will hurt. The reason is that she will probably work it out, at least to the point of believing the story she was given isn't quite right, and that will make her wonder what you are hiding. 

And then, you've got to look at yourself. First of all, why did you do it, and what stops you doing it again? Secondly, you presumably had some level of feelings for the other woman, so the whole breakup thing is real. You have to process it. Be aware that affairs stop and restart. One of you will be missing the other, make contact on a pretext (it can't hurt to just say hi, right?) and then the whole thing starts again.

Good luck.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

in_a_funk said:


> I'm getting closer. We've had a really good week. I'm getting there and trying very hard, despite the constant reminders and thoughts. I'm getting closer. I won't lie, and my wife knows this...it's a struggle (for both of us) to turn off the thoughts/past. I have a lot of mental issues to work through, in addition to my f'ups, but I'm getting there....


As per my last post. You say you won't lie *and your wife knows it*. I would be very surprised if that were true. I can't imagine her not doubting your word under the circumstances.


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## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

Wazza said:


> As per my last post. You say you won't lie and your wife knows it. I would be very surprised if that were true.


Thanks for the positive feedback...jeez.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

in_a_funk said:


> So, basically it sounds like Reconciliation is not likely and/or possible is what I'm hearing from the doom & gloom crowd here...


If you both want to R, and both of you WORK at it... then yes.

Its up to her to allow it and up to YOU to do the work. You are the one who did the deed. She is the one who got HURT while you had fun, sticking your penis in another woman's body... etc etc (an idea what could be going through her mind). So you have to prove to her and yourself that is what you want and willing to do it.

Weeks after I threw my cheating WW out (we had already divorced - and were trying to R, but she was faking it), I started dating, and living the single life. Yeah, that is kind of fun.

But to ME, the family unit is more fun than being single. Past few days, I'm reminded why I feel in love with her the first place and willing to work with *US* to have a long term relationship.

Your emotions are mixed, it'll take a while to get them sorted out... but see what YOU get by staying. And have both of you learn from this.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

in_a_funk said:


> Thanks for the positive feedback...jeez.


Just edited for clarity. Not beating you up, just conveying how I think your wife probably feels.

Think about it, did you conduct the affair while being totally truthful, or did you lie, or at least hide stuff? And confessing means she knows, right?


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

Wazza saying that isn't being mean. In my experience so many WS get so caught-up in their own s**t (blaming the BS for causing the affair, missing the OW, life crisis) that they have no idea of the devastating damage that they have done. 

You have fundamentally changed the human being that your wife is. Her entire life, past, present & future can't be trusted. 

Only you have the power to help her but I'm not sure that you're aware of just how much help she needs. 


Growing-up I thought that I was a very compassionate, empathic person. My friends brother had died when she was younger. I understood that she hurt but I didn't understand, not really. Why, after a few drinks, did she still cry about it? It was so long ago!

My brother committed suicide (as a result of adultery) & I can honestly say, I had no idea what she had gone through or was going through. 

Some things change you. I was a teenager then. I hope now that I would have a deeper understanding.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I know all of this is difficult to hear. You are dealing with spouses who have been betrayed. Some have been through R (I'm one) and some have been divorced (I did that when my R failed after 30 years). But we do want to see you succeed -- and I say that as someone who very rarely posts in R threads on TAM. They're a huge trigger for me and I generally stay away from them. But I strongly feel you can succeed. It won't be easy but it can be done.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I wonder if this might help:

Joseph's Letter 

This is a letter from someone to his spouse who cheated, talking about trust. I think it describes things nicely. It's really aimed at someone who had an affair and is trying to suppress the details and avoid answering questions, and I know that is not you. But the same basic mechanics of trust are at play. 

I know you are dealing with your own hurt over things, and you are allowed to, of course. I'm not trying to minimise it, and I don't even totally understand it. All I am trying to do is give you insights into how your wife is feeling. It is very very painful, and it is hard to get over. 

At some stage, someone is probably going to quote a number of 2 to 5 years to work through the problems to to you, and its a pretty reasonable figure, but it's not guaranteed of course.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

jld said:


> Thing is, some women never do. They are so desperate to stay married they will overlook anything. Or worse, blame the OW. My sister did that every time her husband cheated.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You know...in the beginning I did not get angry. I was devastated but not angry. I've started getting angry. Years later.
So I think anger does eventually come but she had to sort out all the other emotions first.
Also reconciliation is possible.
But you are babies at this right now. Right now she is holding onto the life she knew before you cheated and not realizing what her life is now. She needs to come to terms with it before you guys have any hope. Counseling is a great start but you also seem to be playing the victim. Having many reasons why you did this. You aren't a victim at all...your marriage and your wife are. 
These are two huge things you guys need to realize and understand before you can R.
If you both want and put in the work then yes...it is possible. I'm there right now.
We have good days and we have bad days. Slowly those bad days are being outnumbered by the good ones...so there is a light at the end is the tunnel...but that tunnel is extremely long.



Sent from my iPhone


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## in_a_funk (Aug 26, 2016)

I appreciate the replies. I've cited this forum as an eye-opener to my counselor and wife over the past week. It really has helped me understand, and/or admit that I *AM* the problem, and not her or our marriage. There are several reasons why I am the problem, and those aren't excuses, they are reasons...and I think that's why I get frustrated, because I'm simply acknowledging the REASONS why I may have done this, not trying to make excuses to justify it. 

And by reasons I'm citing things like perception issues on my part (maybe porn related), mental issues on my part, past life experiences, etc. Some of which are my doing, some are environmental, and some are f'd up. 

There is a reason or there are reasons WHY I did it, so I need to get to the bottom of it so it doesn't happen again. I admit it's all my fault, but I do need to figure out why/how this happened. If that makes sense...

And yes, I'm trying VERY hard to help my wife (and us) get through this. I'm answering her very tough questions (details) and being very transparent with my phone, where I am, what I'm doing, etc. 

Thanks again for taking the time to help me be critical and honest with what is going on...despite my frustration(s) at times...


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> She hasn't hit the anger stage yet, has she? :surprise: Just wait.


This ^^^^^^ totally !!!


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## Cowboy2 (Nov 12, 2013)

I've been married over 20 years. My wife had an affair that started 6 years ago and was off & on for 2 + years. When I found I was devastated. I am typically a highly driven guy that is very resourceful and resilient as well as optimistic. This event put me in a depressive funk for 2 years before I finally woke up and started rebuilding myself.

I am currently finally facing crap I swept under the rug for years. My wife is being pretty helpful. What I have told her and I've told my therapist applies to this trust conversation.

I can forgive the affair. I don't know if I can forgive that she purposefully deceived me, lied to me, and gaslighted me for years in order to get her fix. That level of trust destroying is massive. I have to decide if I can ever trust her to have my back again or always wonder if she has my best interests at heart. Because she showed me what she's capable of and its very hard seeing my wagon hitched to her for the rest of my life.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I would advise you to try not to get angry at some of these responses. I know that it's hard because even though you were scum and cheated, you still have feelings that can be stepped on and hurt.

I know this because I cheated too. And when I came here with my story, I got the attacks and the 2x4s too. But mine were MUCH worse than what you've gotten so far. My god did this place make me cry a million times! 

But even those nasty words ended up helping. What you have to do is actually TAKE those nasty words and digest them. Let those words hit you as if they were coming from your wife. So many of the people here are betrayed (myself included) so the things that they are saying to you are the things they've felt - and those are the things your wife is feeling. She may not have said some of these things to you because she doesn't know how to voice them or she's in protect mode where she doesn't want to say those things in fear of pushing you away. But you MUST understand how very real those feelings are, that they are there and that you have a major hill to climb to even think about helping her get over them. 

Do you understand the level of damage that you have done? That is key. I can understand the level of damage that I did, because I can empathize with my husbands pain. And knowing I caused him pain destroys me. But I can also comprehend his pain because I have also felt it - I had a ONS with his best friend, he had a 10 year ea with his ex gf. Right now, you are only on the cause side, you may not be able to fully process her pain because you haven't had to experience it. 

After close to a year of posting here, I think I have gained the friendship of some of the other posters here. I know there are a few that still think I'm scum - who wouldn't piss on fire to put me out. But I like to think the vast majority here would have my back, even though I too was scum and cheated and they beat the hell out of me when I came here.

This place will help you grow, they will help you see the err of your ways, and if you stay, you will form bonds with the very people that you feel are beating you up at the moment. Maybe not all. To some, you'll always be a cheating bastard, and you have to accept that that is ok, it's part of your penance for what you did. You fundamentally gave up your right to be looked at as moral and just and there are some who have the right to not look beyond that.

But continue posting, continue the work, be honest with your wife and when posting here and really try to learn and be open. If you do, the very people you may see as an enemy here can turn into the largest support system you've ever had.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

To the op, this is likely temporary. When she gets to the anger stage you're in for it. But you deserve it, if you're being honest with yourself. Own it. You might get shaken awake at 2 AM with a random question like "So when you told me you were doing x that day, you were really with her?" You may walk into a room find her quietly crying. Expect these things.

The best you can do is comfort her, and always, always tell the truth when she asks you something. If she wants you to do something you find unreasonable, do it anyway.

As for your question about recovery times, every person is different. She might be able to get over it quickly, or it may take years. She may never fully trust you again. If you want it to work with her, you have to accept that.

Sent from my LG-H810 using Tapatalk


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Cowboy2 said:


> I can forgive the affair. I don't know if I can forgive that she purposefully deceived me, lied to me, and gaslighted me for years in order to get her fix. That level of trust destroying is massive. I have to decide if I can ever trust her to have my back again or always wonder if she has my best interests at heart. Because she showed me what she's capable of and its very hard seeing my wagon hitched to her for the rest of my life.


That really is the hard part. 5 years later now, I feel better about this. Not really because my wife has been self-loathing about what happened or because she's bent over backwards to kiss my ass, but more because of our life. We've really had to team up on many issues and she's tried very hard at those, showing a real investment in our future. When your spouse does that, it makes you feel they are in it for the long haul.

This is way too early for the OP. The OP still may not want his marriage. That might not be clear for another year or so. Either the attachments will start to reform or there will be an urge to get out. Jury's out, most likely, on that.


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## itskaren (Dec 28, 2011)

Recovery time ..... for me never! 4 years since DD and I still think about it everyday. I just don't think I will ever recover. I don't trust anyone at all now. How can you when the person who you think is your life, rock, foundation etc cheats on you. I honestly believe I would have coped better if he died at least then it would have been something he could not control unlike his cheating.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

in_a_funk said:


> I'm getting closer. We've had a really good week. I'm getting there and trying very hard, despite the constant reminders and thoughts. I'm getting closer. I won't lie, and my wife knows this...it's a struggle (for both of us) to turn off the thoughts/past. I have a lot of mental issues to work through, in addition to my f'ups, but I'm getting there....


I feel sorry for your poor wife. All of your posts are about you and how you are feeling. I don't think you have a clue what you have done to your wife. While she grapples with the fall out and it will hit her hard maybe not now but later, she may not want to stay with you.

You don't even seem regretful never mind remorseful, you cannot reconcile on that basis. YOu ought to stop thinking about yourself, do your poor wife a favour and get a divorce. It will hurt her now but it is better than staying with a man who has cheated on her and is still only concerned about his own feelings.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

The OP left the building a while ago.

I do hope his wife stopped doing the 'pick me' dance, desperately bending herself into a pretzel just to try to 'win' this unremorseful cheater back. So degrading.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

in_a_funk said:


> So, basically it sounds like Reconciliation is not likely and/or possible is what I'm hearing from the doom & gloom crowd here...



I began to read this thread and made it all the way to here, this comment, on the first page. I will continue to read this thread, but first let me address this comment. You actually sound disappointed that reconciliation isn't a given, almost as if you are entitled. Let me ask you something, if the roles were reversed, how fast would you be running to reconcile. This doom and gloom crowd as you call it, is kind enough to explain what your choices have brought forward. Exactly what great traits do you bring to your marriage? Loyal? Faithful? Loving? Family oriented? 

What people are trying to tell you is that there are emotions that will come to your wife that haven't hit her yet. Basically telling you what you should expect in the near future. But that's nothing but doom and gloom to you. People who have gone through the pain you yourself caused are using that expierience to help you. You really don't sound like you are grateful in the least for what they are telling you, instead you seem to mock them with your doom and gloom comment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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