# married only 2 months and lots of problems



## lolly14 (Oct 3, 2010)

I don't really know where to begin or why I am posting here, but i think I just need to share my experience and possibly seek some advice.

I have been with my now husband for almost 7 years. We were recently married- only 2 months ago and are currently experiencing a lot of problems. I don't even really know where to begin...

We got engaged a year and a half ago and I was beyond excited. I had wanted to get married for a while and he knew how I felt, so when he finally proposed I was elated. That's when the problems began. For 3 months following the proposal, my fiance barely spoke to me. It was almost instantly.. I remember calling my parents and he was very quiet and when I suggested we celebrate he told me he was tired...from that point on, he was very introverted and stopped participating in the relationship. I considered calling off the engagement but I was determined to figure out what was going on. The truth finally bubbled to the surface when I guessed (after many months of guessing) that he was struggling with our different religions. I was shocked and dumbfounded as this had never been a topic of conversation (me converting). I spent a month away from him considering what it meant for me and our relationship and decided to go ahead with a conversion (which took an entire year).

A year later, we were married privately and publicly.. we had originally planned only one public wedding with a small number of friends and family but due to a religions situation, we had a private ceremony first. I asked that we keep it on the downlow out of respect for my extended family who would be coming to the public ceremony (and traveling from a distance). Because we had spent so much time and effort planning a ceremony with our friends and family I really felt like this was our true "wedding" as it was our original plan and the private ceremony was an unexpected consequence. From that point on my fiance was extremely negative out the wedding- he felt it was overpriced, and deceitful and I basically planned everything myself. He never asked any questions or showed any interest.


To this day he maintains that we were married only because I "made a good pitch" that marriage was a good idea and that it is what most people do at a certain point in life. He will not talk about our wedding day, he never participated in the tradition of buying me a wedding gift, has never looked at pictures and even took his wedding ring off during our reception claiming he never said he would wear one to begin with. We night after our wedding he stayed in a hotel because he screamed at me so badly about the balance of the wedding going on his credit card.. we paid for the wedding in cash but there was a balance that needed to be settled at the end of the night that I immediately wrote a check for, but he flipped that I had it put on his card. I should also mention that we do not share money at all- I have no access to his accounts and we only share one account where all our wedding gifts were deposited. We didn't spend once cent. He has plenty of money but I imagine he thinks I am going to spend or take it.. who knows. I have plenty of my own money so im not sure why he thinks that.. either way, we don't share.

It was my understanding that he desired me to convert to his religion for family purposes except that now he won't even talk about having kids- he says that it is not something he even wants to think about and frankly given the condition of our marriage, neither do I, except that I am all sorts of confused. 

He insists that our relationship was great before we got engaged and that all these life changes have made our relationship sour except I don't see it that way- I had nothing but excitement over marrying him and I was never overly pushy or gave an ultimatum. I just don't know why he would propose and then ignore me for months, tell me it was because he wanted me to be the same religion for children, so I convert and then we get married and now he doesn't want children. 

He recently told me that he loves me but holds back being a partner because he doesn't want to be disappointed when/if we have an argument about the "next big thing". I just don't understand.. he used to be a very fun easy going and relaxed person and in the past 2 years I have watched him evolve into a very unhappy, edgy, anxious, withdrawn and depressed person. Is he really that unhappy with marriage? with me? or is it something he is dealing with in his own mind/heart? 

I have felt the entire range of emotions, sad, angry, depressed, confused, etc. 

Any insights..suggestions are more than welcome.


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

You do have it rough I will tell you that much​​Marriage is a hard thing to come in; I know that I will say that much; but, what he is doing to you, is not right and it is very rude. Once he placed your engagement ring onto your hand he should have been ready to share everything with you, not only just his life but his money as well. He sould have also helped you, with the wedding planning- he is the one who asked you, to be his wife- so he should have helped out. Being married to someone is a gift of love- he is treating it as it something just is no big deal- when for one it is. It is the biggest deal of them all. Love, is something so precious and so rare to even come by (True love that is) and this man, he does not hold any true love within his soul. If he did he sure would not be doing the things he is doing to you, another thing he would also wear his wedding ring and if he has a job where he is not able to he still would do so, when he is not working. To be removed after the wedding is something that should have not been done...


Sounds to me though​That he really never even wanted to get married in the first place. Also my husband always told me the same on not wanting any children; but he loves our daughter to death and when he found out I was having a baby he was very happy; and happy as well, when I was going to be having our twins as well, but sadly they passed away seven days after being born. I think though you, should really sit down and talk with your husband and see what he really wants. Maybe, you should just get out of the marriage before you, do end up having a baby and they it would not be a wise thing to walk away from. It is not good to be in a heartless marriage and he sounds like he is in a heartless marriage and not wanting to be married to you. Now you, yes you are doing everything in your power to keep you two going. Why, though if he is going to be so heartless. I know why, you love him. Ask yourself though does he really love you that much though...​
That would have broken my heart​If my husband did what he did and not even wanting to look at the wedding photos and even talk about the wedding. At least though you got to have your wedding of your dreams, My mother kind of made it where my husband and me where unable to do so- anyway you are your own person. You, know what is right and what is not. Listen to your heart and follow what it is telling you to do...​

Good luck​


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## lolly14 (Oct 3, 2010)

blueeyedbeauty- thank you so much for your response. I do love him and I know that he loves me but it's like we just don't work together as a couple anymore. We don't share a lot of the things/activities we used to and we spend most of our time alone or with other people. I am in a place where I just want to walk away but we haven't tried therapy. He was in therapy for over a year and then one day he came home and told me that he quit- that was another thing that I found upsetting. That he would just quit therapy without discussing it with me first. I'm almost afraid of what a therapist would say.

I feel like a lot of the things he has done have been mean spirited. He used to be a very kind and fun person to be around but after a close family member died, I feel like his spirit and personality did too. I also think he is happy being unhappy- if that makes any sense. He is able to acknowledge that he is not kind and difficult to be around but he offered so energy toward fixing it.


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## lolly14 (Oct 3, 2010)

I'm very sorry to hear about your twins, I can't even image how you get through something like that...


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

lolly14 said:


> blueeyedbeauty- thank you so much for your response. I do love him and I know that he loves me but it's like we just don't work together as a couple anymore. We don't share a lot of the things/activities we used to and we spend most of our time alone or with other people. I am in a place where I just want to walk away but we haven't tried therapy. He was in therapy for over a year and then one day he came home and told me that he quit- that was another thing that I found upsetting. That he would just quit therapy without discussing it with me first. I'm almost afraid of what a therapist would say.
> 
> I feel like a lot of the things he has done have been mean spirited. He used to be a very kind and fun person to be around but after a close family member died, I feel like his spirit and personality did too. I also think he is happy being unhappy- if that makes any sense. He is able to acknowledge that he is not kind and difficult to be around but he offered so energy toward fixing it.


I am sorry that you, feel things just cannot workout between the two of you. I understand what you're saying and where you are coming from. I also would have to say that he should have talked with you before he quit getting his help that he was getting. If you, feel though that this cannot work- then your best thing is to move on. Saddly, for me to say that but it is true. What I do- and have always done was help people in their time and needs and I have also tried to do this for you. So, I am not going to lie- I really do not like the idea of people breaking up- ending their marriages and all that. But, when you no longer have trust in them, if they were to cheat, hide something really big from you and so on- then more than yes, I am also on that person's side and would have to say to let them go- if they felt it was the only thing to do. Now, on your case I uderstand and I wish you the best...


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

lolly14 said:


> I'm very sorry to hear about your twins, I can't even image how you get through something like that...


Thank you,

For taking the time to read what I had to write here...

​


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## HeavenSent (Oct 7, 2010)

You do have it rough I will tell you that much
Marriage is a hard thing to come in; I know that I will say that much; but, what he is doing to you, is not right and it is very rude. Once he placed your engagement ring onto your hand he should have been ready to share everything with you, not only just his life but his money as well. He sould have also helped you, with the wedding planning- he is the one who asked you, to be his wife- so he should have helped out. Being married to someone is a gift of love- he is treating it as it something just is no big deal- when for one it is. It is the biggest deal of them all. Love, is something so precious and so rare to even come by (True love that is) and this man, he does not hold any true love within his soul. If he did he sure would not be doing the things he is doing to you, another thing he would also wear his wedding ring and if he has a job where he is not able to he still would do so, when he is not working. To be removed after the wedding is something that should have not been done...



Sounds to me though
That he really never even wanted to get married in the first place. Also my husband always told me the same on not wanting any children; but he loves our daughter to death and when he found out I was having a baby he was very happy; and happy as well, when I was going to be having our twins as well, but sadly they passed away seven days after being born. I think though you, should really sit down and talk with your husband and see what he really wants. Maybe, you should just get out of the marriage before you, do end up having a baby and they it would not be a wise thing to walk away from. It is not good to be in a heartless marriage and he sounds like he is in a heartless marriage and not wanting to be married to you. Now you, yes you are doing everything in your power to keep you two going. Why, though if he is going to be so heartless. I know why, you love him. Ask yourself though does he really love you that much though... 


That would have broken my heart
If my husband did what he did and not even wanting to look at the wedding photos and even talk about the wedding. At least though you got to have your wedding of your dreams, My mother kind of made it where my husband and me where unable to do so- anyway you are your own person. You, know what is right and what is not. Listen to your heart and follow what it is telling you to do...



Good luck


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Honestly, I see no way your marriage is going to survive. Can you get an annulment?


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## lolly14 (Oct 3, 2010)

There is no way we can have an annulment because in order to annul you have to show that you did not voluntarily enter the marriage (drunk, misled, etc) and typically after a couple day period it is not allowed. 
Sadly, this week was full of additional drama.. even to the point that he came home and accused me of cheating.. ? I feel like maybe he is grasping at straws and just wants me to call it quits so he doesn't have to. I think it's causing me to suffer physically as I came down with a massive cold and can't seem to shake it, which is not like me at all.

This is really the hardest, saddest situation I have ever been in


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Divorce?


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## hardman (Jan 29, 2011)

I have read all posts and want to share as male member that this something seriously wrong with your marrigae, as you wrote that it could be a difference of religions. Coz males hav their own pchology by owing their kids, and dos'nt want to be a parent of dual religion kids.

It does not look running your marriage towards healthy life it is better to stop it here, rather then to decide at resultant broken family kids, I opologies if I m hard but I had been suffering for 20 years. May God help you out.


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