# Engagement Ring Blues...



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

I don't know where to put this right now. And, I haven't posted consistently in a while. 

But a few recent events have caused me to start wondering about my past regarding marriages.

Background.

I've been married 4 times. I'm not so much concerned with THAT fact as I am with the "process". Bash me later...

The first time I was engaged, I was 20 years old. Totally in love. Went with my betrothed to a jewelry store to select a ring. My fiance was handed a pamphlet by a store clerk that discussed how much money was "traditionally" spent on a ring. We looked at a few rings, not selecting any at that point. He was PISS*D at the clerk. How DARE he tell my betrothed that he should spend up to 3 months salary on a ring! In that day and age (late 70's), it would have amounted to about $1000. We selected a ring that cost about $278. I was happy to have the ring, but our relationship went downhill after that...

The second time I married, there was no ring. 

The third time I married, there was a ring. My fiance knew a jeweler in town, who gave us rings as a gift. It was one of those $99 rings. He gave it to me the night before we got married, saying, "Jamiel" wanted me to give this to you...He didn't have to pay for it. 

The last time, I was with someone who probably had about $500,000 to his name. He gave me a beautiful 1.5 carat heart -shaped ring...

...That turned out to be a cubic zirconia that he gave to his fiance prior to ME. She gave it back to him after their break-up. 

I hear about men who don't want a woman who's a "gold digger", and I'm certainly not one of those. 

At the same time, am I NOT 'worth' more than $278? 

I've known of people who would save up for years to buy their bride-to-be an engagement ring. In my cases, there was nothing even close to that. 

So, what say you?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I'd focus less on the rings, and more on the quality of the person offering it to you.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

I’d be more focused on never marrying again.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

I say somewhere along the line you lost the forest for the trees.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your are fodder for the red pill dudes.

5 times a charm ..😱


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Vega said:


> I don't know where to put this right now. And, I haven't posted consistently in a while.
> 
> But a few recent events have caused me to start wondering about my past regarding marriages.
> 
> ...


I have never been one to worry about expensive jewelry. I am more than happy with a cheaper ring, in fact when I was choosing my rings(which we did together), I never looked at any that were expensive.
I agree with your first husband, what a cheek to suggest how much you should pay! He probably hardly had any money at that age anyway.
I would far rather be with a guy who bought me a lovely but not that expensive ring than a rich guy who did but wasn't nearly as nice.

Your biggest problem seems to be the fact that you have had 4 failed marriages. What does that say to you? The value of the rings seems unimportant to me against that.

Either you picked awful men or you just aren't suited to married life. 

How old are you?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife’s main ring she wears cost ~$80k so she would agree with you.

To be fair to her it is an amazing ring. When people see it they go oh… wtf is that?

I want my family ring from my mom. I was supposed to get it when I got married but she wouldn’t give it up. It is a ~5 carat round Diamond that is pretty nice, not amazing but not bad.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Vega said:


> I don't know where to put this right now. And, I haven't posted consistently in a while.
> 
> But a few recent events have caused me to start wondering about my past regarding marriages.
> 
> ...


At 8% that $278 ring would cost around six or seven grand now. Does that make you feel any better.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife’s main ring she wears cost ~$80k so she would agree with you.
> 
> To be fair to her it is an amazing ring. When people see it they go oh… wtf is that?
> 
> I want my family ring from my mom. I was supposed to get it when I got married but she wouldn’t give it up. It is a ~5 carat round Diamond that is pretty nice, not amazing but not bad.


There is no way that I would ever wear anything so vastly expensive. It's so easy to loose or be stolen.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> There is no way that I would ever wear anything so vastly expensive. It's so easy to loose or be stolen.


She has insurance on her expensive pieces so if it is lost or stolen she gets a check. This particular one we have a good relationship with the company so they’d make her another one.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> She has insurance on her expensive pieces so if it is lost or stolen she gets a check. This particular one we have a good relationship with the company so they’d make her another one.


And what's the point of having it if she doesn't wear it. At least that's my attitude.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Vega said:


> At the same time, am I NOT 'worth' more than $278?


I truly doubt your worth is tied to the price of a ring. Still, maybe the dude didn't think you were worth more than that. Who knows?



Vega said:


> I've known of people who would save up for years to buy their bride-to-be an engagement ring.


Sounds like you've known some pretty stupid people. Save up "years" for a ring? Hell, if you're going to spend years saving for something, why not a house? At least there can be a profit returned on the investment most of the time. Jewelry is all well and good ... but we're talking about a damn engagement ring - not the Hope Diamond!



Vega said:


> So, what say you?


If you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions. But since you asked ... I'd say you need to readjust your thinking in a MAJOR way. Seriously.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Al_Bundy said:


> And what's the point of having it if she doesn't wear it. At least that's my attitude.


She was digging in the sand with it at the beach yesterday.

Imagine being the metal detector guy who finds that hahah.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Al_Bundy said:


> And what's the point of having it if she doesn't wear it. At least that's my attitude.


That's why I wouldn't have such very expensive jewelry. Firstly I just couldn't justify it, secondly I wouldn't wear it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> I truly doubt your worth is tied to the price of a ring. Still, maybe the dude didn't think you were worth more than that. Who knows?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree. Far better to spend so much money on a house or car or whatever.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

We all give power and meaning to different things. Some people think it means something if the guy gives us a small ring. Some people think it means something if their wife had a lot of previous sex partners. Some people give power to sex, some to gifts, some to effort. 

You can’t help feeling a certain way about your engagement ring. It is what it is. When you have expectations, it’s just a way to get disappointed. However, I 100% want a nice engagement ring. It is something that is important to me as shallow as that sounds. But I would make it clear to my partner that it is important as to not set him up for a trap to be disappointed and resentful.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> But I would make it clear to my partner that it is important as to not set him up for a trap to be disappointed and resentful.


There’s nothing wrong with that.

I want my wife to have a ring that when other women look at it they go, oh…. Damn…


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> There’s nothing wrong with that.
> 
> I want my wife to have a ring that when other women look at it they go, oh…. Damn…


It’s all about what’s important to your partner and we all have levels Of shallowness and just what we add meaning to. And many times it’s just how we’re raised, or what we have learned is important to us. 

A certain level of effort is important to all of us. Some people think it’s utterly stupid and irresponsible to buy a big engagement ring. And people who think that, they are 100% right. It’s dumb to spend $, time, and effort on things that aren’t important to you… that’s being wasteful. People who want a “nice” engagement ring… it’s not wasteful to them. 

So to the OP… yes your worth more than $200, of course you are. This dude does not define your worth based off of a ring. You obviously feel differently which is why your upset or disappointed. This problem is more an issue with lack of communication, and undefined expectations.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I expect my engagement ring to be more $, or equal to whatever high end watch, or whatever goal watch you have set in your mind to buy one day.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I expect my engagement ring to be more $, or equal to whatever high end watch, or whatever goal watch you have set in your mind to buy one day.


Oh man… For me that is a Patek Perpetual chrono ($110-175k). I have considered merging some of my watches down into one but haven’t pulled the trigger yet.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Oh man… For me that is a Patek Perpetual chrono ($110-175k). I have considered merging some of my watches down into one but haven’t pulled the trigger yet.


I knew someone would mention a Patek hahaha.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> People who want a “nice” engagement ring… it’s not wasteful to them.


I think it depends on if it comes at the expense of something like say food or paying the rent. There are plenty of people in my neighborhood who don’t have furniture and have crap cars on their driveway and probably eat Cup of Noodles.

Maybe it’s worth it if the real estate keeps going up, but who wants to live in poverty in a nice house sitting on the floor eating pot noodle?

I want to live like a big baller 24/7.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I knew someone would mention a Patek hahaha.


I have a few of them but my best one is a 5131R world time, which is a killer watch but it isn’t a grand complication. I can obviously afford a GC I just don’t have one (yet).


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Buy a nice ring and make payments on it, if need be.

The ring will last maybe a hundred years, hopefully the bride will do fifty years wearing it.

That is the point, right?



_King Brian-_


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

My brother got his engagement ring at roses for $0.25. Once the purple paint wore off, it had a metallic swirl pattern in the plastic underneath. My sister in law has been asked on several occasions where they got such a cool looking ring. Married 19 years now, I think. They've been together since 1994 and I'm just not sure when they got married. They happened to run across a couple friends at a local hotdog shop on the way to the courthouse who were drafted as witnesses and we were all told about the official marriage days or weeks later.

They have also been some of the happiest people and happiest couples that I've run across. Between my brother and me cost of rings and wedding appears to be inversely proportional to happiness in relationship.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I find it very sad that you base your worth as a person on the cost of a piece of jewellery. My engagement ring is stunning, I absolutely love it and am blessed that my husband was in a position to give something so beautiful. If he couldn't have afforded it though, it wouldn't have mattered. I'd have loved whatever he gave me, and it certainly isn't a reflection of how much he loves me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

frusdil said:


> I find it very sad that you base your worth as a person on the cost of a piece of jewellery. My engagement ring is stunning, I absolutely love it and am blessed that my husband was in a position to give something so beautiful. If he couldn't have afforded it though, it wouldn't have mattered. I'd have loved whatever he gave me, and it certainly isn't a reflection of how much he loves me.


What if your husband could afford a really nice ring and got you a super cheap one instead? That’s really what we’re talking about here.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> What if your husband could afford a really nice ring and got you a super cheap one instead? That’s really what we’re talking about here.


It wouldn't be an issue for me. It isn't a reflection on how much he loves me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I would hope that when a man proposes and buys an engagement ring he would think to himself what would my partner want? What would make this moment memorable for her?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I would hope that when a man proposes and buys an engagement ring he would think to himself what would my partner want? What would make this moment memorable for her?


I took my wife to buy it. She picked it and I was like damn poverty incoming. I didn’t care at all, the Cup of Noodles I ate for lunch every day tasted delicious.

Shrimp flavor is my favorite.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I would hope that when a man proposes and buys an engagement ring he would think to himself what would my partner want? What would make this moment memorable for her?


I'm fairly certain most men do when they're about to propose.

They certainly shouldn't go into big debt to fund it though. How big of a diamond a man provides his fiance says absolutely nothing about the quality of the man himself, or the kind of husband he'll be. The latter is far more important, at least to me.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> What if your husband could afford a really nice ring and got you a super cheap one instead? That’s really what we’re talking about here.


It depends. My husband likes to buy me jewelry and I get a mini panic attack knowing how much he pays for it. I wear my wedding ring but not my engagement ring because I think it's too much. 

It drives him crazy I'm a very simple woman. He bought my wedding set when he was poor. I appreciate the effort, even though it wasn't necessary. I would have married him with a fancy ring or a simple one. 

I also think women could buy their own rings if they are not satisfied with the ones they got at their engagement. How about getting a ring and splitting the bill?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> It depends. My husband likes to buy me jewelry and I get a mini panic attack knowing how much he pays for it. I wear my wedding ring but not my engagement ring because I think it's too much.
> 
> It drives him crazy I'm a very simple woman. He bought my wedding set when he was poor. I appreciate the effort, even though it wasn't necessary. I would have married him with a fancy ring or a simple one.
> 
> I also think women could buy their own rings if they are not satisfied with the ones they got at their engagement. How about getting a ring and splitting the bill?


If a big expensive ring isn’t what you want them he shouldn’t have done it. It’s suppose to be about the women… what she wants, what would make her happy, what would make the proposal memorable. 

I have no problem splitting the bill with my engagement ring, and that’s bc I am Particular with what I want. I only want one for life and so I want it to be something I love.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> If a big expensive ring isn’t what you want them he shouldn’t have done it. It’s suppose to be about the women… what she wants, what would make her happy, what would make the proposal memorable.
> 
> I have no problem splitting the bill with my engagement ring, and that’s bc I am Particular with what I want. I only want one for life and so I want it to be something I love.


"What she wants, what would make her happy, what would make the proposal memorable".

I can only speak for myself on this. I hoped that my girlfriend at the time, wanted me and to have a life with me and we could share this journey of life together and this is what would make her happy. 

If it would have been about a piece of jewelry, and the jewelry/diamond is what would have made her happy and the proposal memorable I would have realized I was with the wrong woman and wouldn't have married her. The ring I gave her was given to her out of my love for her and that's all that mattered to her. 

I feel very blessed that I found a woman who's happiness has never been based on material things as things come and go.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> If a big expensive ring isn’t what you want them he shouldn’t have done it.


It's not an expensive ring. It was expensive at the time when he was poor. We were young and he wanted to surprise me.


Girl_power said:


> I only want one for life and so I want it to be something I love.


I love my wedding ring. I could get a better, more expensive one. I didn't marry my husband for the ring, that's for sure! And an expensive ring is not going to predict a happy marriage.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife’s main ring she wears cost ~$80k so she would agree with you.
> 
> To be fair to her it is an amazing ring. When people see it they go oh… wtf is that?
> 
> I want my family ring from my mom. I was supposed to get it when I got married but she wouldn’t give it up. It is a ~5 carat round Diamond that is pretty nice, not amazing but not bad.


@ccpowerslave Day-um, that's a "rob me, please" ring. I hope you bought her a nice pistol to go along with it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Noman said:


> @ccpowerslave Day-um, that's a "rob me, please" ring. I hope you bought her a nice pistol to go along with it.


Nah she has insurance though.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

I didn't take my wife with me to pick out her ring, I surprised her with a very nice solitaire, I compromised a little on size for quality, got a slightly smaller stone, but it's a nice quality diamond and sparkles like, well a diamond.

Your ring is a symbol of many things, one of which is, "I'm taken," it should have a nice bright sparkle.

Oh, and skip the retail stores, find your local "Jewelry Mart", find a nice, honest jeweler to build a relationship with and you won't pay nearly as much as at the mall.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

People should spend money on whatever they desire. Plenty of people spend thousands on Botox injections. Plenty of people want to wear big diamonds on their fingers. Plenty of people want to buy boats. All sorts of crap on which to spend money. I say if it gives you pleasure and makes you happy, go for it. 

I think the issue with the OP is she feels she got gypped out of an engagement ring. But with four marriages behind her, I honestly think her issue(s) go much deeper than the rings. JMO


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I have a few of them but my best one is a 5131R world time, which is a killer watch but it isn’t a grand complication. I can obviously afford a GC I just don’t have one (yet).


Maybe we need a watch thread.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Al_Bundy said:


> Maybe we need a watch thread.


I have a lot of bottom tier pieces I would certainly contribute.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I have a lot of bottom tier pieces I would certainly contribute.


I live in the bottom tier (probably lower), my favorite brand is Invictia. Something about a watch that the six year old in me can appreciate


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hmm. I think if a guy has the means and he is proposing to you, he should buy you an actual diamond 💍 of some sort.

Mrs. C and I were broke when we started out and were married with his and hers rings that were under $100 combined.

She sports a respectable, and real, diamond these days that could inflict serious damage if she punched someone.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I wouldn't care much these days about the cost as long as it wasn't obviously cheap and ugly. I'd be quite happy to pick out rings together and my taste isn't particularly extravagant.

But any guy who would give me a ring he'd given to an ex is a no go. That's my boundary and is trashy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

frusdil said:


> I'm fairly certain most men do when they're about to propose.
> 
> They certainly shouldn't go into big debt to fund it though. How big of a diamond a man provides his fiance says absolutely nothing about the quality of the man himself, or the kind of husband he'll be. The latter is far more important, at least to me.


I called my then girlfriend from work and said "We're getting married.". She said ok and we were married at a justice of the peace in front of her sister and my friend.

We had pretty cheap his and her rings with a leaf design and were living in an apartment that had two full blown meth busts with spacesuits and everything in 6 months.

Ahh, the good old days.....😆


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> But any guy who would give me a ring he'd given to an ex is a no go. That's my boundary and is trashy.


Absolutely agree. I'd rather have no ring than wear one he gave to another woman.


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

I know a woman who has a pretty pebble in a nice setting as her engagement ring. The story is that back when she and her now-husband were young and poor, they were walking on a beach and she kept picking up pretty pebbles and he surreptitiously took one and pocketed it and had it set into a ring. She thought it was very romantic and still does, 20-some years later.

For myself, I never had an engagement ring because when I married my ex, we were saving for a house and decided to put all our extra money into that. We had a lot of problems and ended up divorced, but I never once regretted deciding to put $ toward a house rather than a ring.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> There’s nothing wrong with that.
> 
> I want my wife to have a ring that when other women look at it they go, oh…. Damn…


Why do you think you need others to appear jealous of your wife's ring? Is it the same as why people wear Rolex watches, to try and impress others?
You see I just don't get that at all. I have never felt that need to try and Impress others with things or to have more, so I don't get it.
I wouldn't know if a watch was a Rolex or not. I wouldn't be impressed or jealous of your wife's ring, I doubt if I would even notice it.
When I hear about the rich and famous spending crazy money on a ring, I think 'why would anyone spend that amount on just a ring?' I can think of so many better ways of using that money. Things just don't have that affect on me or impress me.

I notice peoples personality and character and not what possessions they have.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Chaotic said:


> I know a woman who has a pretty pebble in a nice setting as her engagement ring. The story is that back when she and her now-husband were young and poor, they were walking on a beach and she kept picking up pretty pebbles and he surreptitiously took one and pocketed it and had it set into a ring. She thought it was very romantic and still does, 20-some years later.
> 
> For myself, I never had an engagement ring because when I married my ex, we were saving for a house and decided to put all our extra money into that. We had a lot of problems and ended up divorced, but I never once regretted deciding to put $ toward a house rather than a ring.


That's a lovely story. So much more meaningful and romantic than the usual diamond. Such a thoughtful thing to do.
Totally agree about the house. Far better use of money. Same as with weddings. Why spend a fortune on a wedding when you can put it towards a home?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sideways said:


> "What she wants, what would make her happy, what would make the proposal memorable".
> 
> I can only speak for myself on this. I hoped that my girlfriend at the time, wanted me and to have a life with me and we could share this journey of life together and this is what would make her happy.
> 
> ...


Love this post. It's about finding someone who shares the same values isn't it. Neither of us are bothered or impressed by jewellery or watches or other material things.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Al_Bundy said:


> Maybe we need a watch thread.


Yeh, remind me not to go there.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Vega said:


> I don't know where to put this right now. And, I haven't posted consistently in a while.
> 
> But a few recent events have caused me to start wondering about my past regarding marriages.
> 
> ...


So...I'm confused...was the heart-shaped cubic zirconia $278? Or was it the ring from your first marriage?
Are you talking about this last guy not appreciating you specifically?

Are you still married to him?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I notice peoples personality and character and not what possessions they have.


In 5 seconds you can’t notice that but you can notice what they look like and what possessions they’re wearing.

As for the rest of your statement this stuff might not have meaning to you but it does to other people (like the OP as an example).


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> Nah she has insurance though.


Yeahhh, unless this is just the protocol for cashing in on the insurance...
Long Island Woman Recalls Horror Of Being Robbed In Her Garage


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> We had pretty cheap his and her rings with a leaf design and were living in an apartment that had two full blown meth busts with spacesuits and everything in 6 months.


@ConanHub how did they catch on to you?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

My wife still wears the engagement ring I bought her in 1989 when I was 18 working as a grocery store clerk. I don't think it was even $200. It is absolutely priceless to her. I could easily afford a ring 100x more expensive now, but when I've asked her if she would like an upgrade she has zero interest. She won't say no to other nice gifts of course, but that ring is all about meaning not monetary value.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I didn't give my wife an engagement ring and our wedding rings cost £20... on purpose. It's their meaning that's important, not how much they cost.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

When my boyfriend proposed, there was no ring present. He was a full-time college student and worked part-time at a drive-thru dairy. After I said yes, he went to his next-door neighbor who owned the local jewelry store. Together they picked out my 1/4 ct set in a six prong 18 kt gold Tiffany setting. Two factors were at play: jeweler said since I was small that a big ring would look ridiculous and price. The set cost $250 (which was borrowed from his brother). This was in 1968.

After some years, husband wanted me to upgrade. I put him off 'til our 25th anniversary. We went to a store where I had seen a ring with a 1/3 ct marquise for the center stone with baguettes and rounds. Husband casually asked the jeweler if he had some larger marquise. I selected one with good color and clarity that weighed in at .85 ct and a mounting was made. I still think it is too big.

Personally, I recommend involving the lady in the selection of the ring. She is the one who will be wearing it, afterall.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> In 5 seconds you can’t notice that but you can notice what they look like and what possessions they’re wearing.
> 
> As for the rest of your statement this stuff might not have meaning to you but it does to other people (like the OP as an example).


I may notice generally what clothes they are wearing but I don't notice things like rings or watches.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> When my boyfriend proposed, there was no ring present. He was a full-time college student and worked part-time at a drive-thru dairy. After I said yes, he went to his next-door neighbor who owned the local jewelry store. Together they picked out my 1/4 ct set in a six prong 18 kt gold Tiffany setting. Two factors were at play: jeweler said since I was small that a big ring would look ridiculous and price. The set cost $250 (which was borrowed from his brother). This was in 1968.
> 
> After some years, husband wanted me to upgrade. I put him off 'til our 25th anniversary. We went to a store where I had seen a ring with a 1/3 ct marquise for the center stone with baguettes and rounds. Husband casually asked the jeweler if he had some larger marquise. I selected one with good color and clarity that weighed in at .85 ct and a mounting was made. I still think it is too big.
> 
> Personally, I recommend involving the lady in the selection of the ring. She is the one who will be wearing it, afterall.


I too have always preferred a slimmer more elegent understated ring than one with a large stone. I am not a showy person at all, so a big ring with a big stone would feel very odd to me and not suit the person I am.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

My ex husband was proud to tell me he negotiated a big discount on my ring, and I was proud of him for doing it! 😆


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

To get things back on track, four marriages?!? Don't make it five. Spend the money on a vacation and stay unmarried.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Vega said:


> I don't know where to put this right now. And, I haven't posted consistently in a while.
> 
> But a few recent events have caused me to start wondering about my past regarding marriages.
> 
> ...


Just like it's not that hard to identify a gold digger, it shouldn't be that hard to identify someone who's cheap before you marry them. But mind you there is a difference between cheap and broke. But you should know roughly what his financial situation is so you know whether he is broke or comfortable and you should also know what his ambition mindset is so you know if that situation is going to improve or if he's content.

I know nothing of these men but I'm getting a middle picture that you're choosing men who are maybe just not really on the up and up to begin with. Maybe they don't have a legitimate job so they don't have legitimate means and have to go about things in a underhanded manner. Am I wrong? Are these upstanding young men with steady jobs who pay their taxes? 

And are you an upstanding young woman with a steady job who pays her taxes and makes her own way?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I notice peoples personality and character and not what possessions they have.


Fortunately, you have us Americans to teach you how to do it right.

I kid.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Married twice. No engagement ring to either wife, just wedding bands. 
But for our 25th anniversary (2nd wife) got her a nice small but elegant rock.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I dated a lady that told me she wanted a 2carat diamond solitaire for her engagement ring. Granted, I asked her. I got a loan for it. Happily bought it and couldn’t wait to give it to her. She was wearing it when she refused to come pick me up when my car broke down 20 min from her house ( I was on my way to see her) because in her words “I had a beer an hour ago”. It was about 100 degrees that day.
My 74 yr old dad had to come get me. He was 
45 min away and I didn’t even know he was home. 
Needless to say, the measure of a woman is not in how much money was spent on her engagement ring, but in the depth of her character.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> I expect my engagement ring to be more $, or equal to whatever high end watch, or whatever goal watch you have set in your mind to buy one day.


A 12$ armitron quartz????
I’m diggin’ you girl power!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I dated a lady that told me she wanted a 2carat diamond solitaire for her engagement ring. Granted, I asked her. I got a loan for it. Happily bought it and couldn’t wait to give it to her. She was wearing it when she refused to come pick me up when my car broke down 20 min from her house ( I was on my way to see her) because in her words “I had a beer an hour ago”. It was about 100 degrees that day.
> My 74 yr old dad had to come get me. He was
> 45 min away and I didn’t even know he was home.
> Needless to say, the measure of a woman is not in how much money was spent on her engagement ring, but in the depth of her character.


So, does she still have that ring?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Hmm. I think if a guy has the means and he is proposing to you, he should buy you an actual diamond 💍 of some sort.


If that works for you, go for it, but people had happy marriages for millennia before diamonds became any sort of custom. Some of us do fine w/o them today.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> So, does she still have that ring?


No, but that doesn’t bother her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> I dated a lady that told me she wanted a 2carat diamond solitaire for her engagement ring. Granted, I asked her. I got a loan for it. Happily bought it and couldn’t wait to give it to her. She was wearing it when she refused to come pick me up when my car broke down 20 min from her house ( I was on my way to see her) because in her words “I had a beer an hour ago”. It was about 100 degrees that day.
> My 74 yr old dad had to come get me. He was
> 45 min away and I didn’t even know he was home.
> Needless to say, the measure of a woman is not in how much money was spent on her engagement ring, but in the depth of her character.


I just don't get women who expect something their partner can't afford and have to get a loan out. 
Seems pretty entitled to me.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> No, but that doesn’t bother her.


How did you get it off her finger? Spill, spill. And, what did you do with it afterward? 

Nosy people want to know.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

its a long story, total threadjack, and I an finally past that old girl which has taken years. I don’t even like to think about her though. Still hurts some. I simply asked for it back when she told me within three weeks of our wedding that she didn’t know if she loved me over a childish fight we had over me not looking over the 3 rooms at a 5 star resort she had picked out, and was all jacked out of shape that I wasn’t showing enough interest in the “wedding”.
Hell, I wanted to be married to her, I didn’t care much about the wedding itself, other than she wanted it. I dodged a life of unhappiness with her. So not complaining anymore, but in all honesty I truly loved the old girl. She had good values. She wouldn’t have kept that damn ring and she wasn’t overly materialistic. She was just a very selfish person.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think now that we people are enlightened and woke engagement rings should become a thing of the past. Originally the tradition started as a way for a man to claim ownership of a woman. How is that OK to the modern woman? 

Also in the old days when a marriage was promised the woman's family would offer up a dowery, a few goats or maybe a donkey or two. Now what does the guy get? Nothing! So how is it fair and equitable for a man to be expected to cough up three months earnings for a ring? And in the end not even a goat to show for it!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> its a long story, total threadjack, and I an finally past that old girl which has taken years. I don’t even like to think about her though. Still hurts some. I simply asked for it back when she told me within three weeks of our wedding that she didn’t know if she loved me over a childish fight we had over me not looking over the 3 rooms at a 5 star resort she had picked out, and was all jacked out of shape that I wasn’t showing enough interest in the “wedding”.
> Hell, I wanted to be married to her, I didn’t care much about the wedding itself, other than she wanted it. I dodged a life of unhappiness with her. So not complaining anymore, but in all honesty I truly loved the old girl. She had good values. She wouldn’t have kept that damn ring and she wasn’t overly materialistic. She was just a very selfish person.


Ok. Since you didn't answer the 2nd question, I'm going to assume you gave it to your rebound. Which does align with the thread (see OP's post).


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Ok. Since you didn't answer the 2nd question, I'm going to assume you gave it to your rebound. Which does align with the thread (see OP's post).


Guilty
And I asked the rebound if she was ok w that and she was…. The rebound was a total user…. That ring was definitely jinxed abd I’m glad it’s gone along with the wearer. I agree with the above, I think the engagement ring thing is a bs custom that needs to die


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Cooper said:


> I think now that we people are enlightened and woke engagement rings should become a thing of the past. Originally the tradition started as a way for a man to claim ownership of a woman. How is that OK to the modern woman?
> 
> Also in the old days when a marriage was promised the woman's family would offer up a dowery, a few goats or maybe a donkey or two. Now what does the guy get? Nothing! So how is it fair and equitable for a man to be expected to cough up three months earnings for a ring? And in the end not even a goat to show for it!


When I married, the figure was 2 months earnings.

Now, the husband gets a wife who is capable of supporting herself so no need for a dowry. I never understood the dowry system. People used to have to pay for slaves. Shouldn't the groom-to-be have had to pay the parents for the privilege of owning their daughter and providing him with male heirs?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> Ok. Since you didn't answer the 2nd question, I'm going to assume you gave it to your rebound. Which does align with the thread (see OP's post).


Again...YOU KNEW...!!!!!!! I bow before your x-ray people vision!!!!!!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I wonder if the OP is ever coming back to answer any of the follow-up questions...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> I wonder if the OP is ever coming back to answer any of the follow-up questions...


Maybe busy saving up for that ring!

In bed last night my wife was looking at my band I had on which is chewed up and dented. She said, “That’s not your good one.” I said, “It’s good because you gave it to me.” The eye roll she gave me was epic.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> Maybe busy saving up for that ring!


Lolol!!!! I am not sure that buying something for herself is what will satisfy her...

And I am still not clear about what she actually meant with her OP -- was she lamenting the loss of her relationships or the fact that she never got a big, expensive ring...??


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> And I am still not clear about what she actually meant with her OP -- was she lamenting the loss of her relationships or the fact that she never got a big, expensive ring...??


My wife was checking hers out yesterday and she just loves it. She is confused why I don’t wear my band from the same manufacture and I explained if I wore it to anything other than dinner out it will get chewed up and mangled.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife was checking hers out yesterday and she just loves it. She is confused why I don’t wear my band from the same manufacture and I explained if I wore it to anything other than dinner out it will get chewed up and mangled.


Yes, but your wife still also has her marriage that her ring represents. I'm not sure why the OP is talking about regretting the financial value of those rings and their worth without caring as much about the actual relationships those rings came from (if that's what she is doing).


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Hmmm, this could lead to the question, what should be done with said rings upon divorce?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Men often give women gifts of jewelry. Heck, my kids gave me a ring w my birthstone for my birthday one year. I love wearing it because I think of them.

I think an engagement ring is a nice thing. Women are going to be wearing (and receiving from their loved ones) rings, necklaces, earrings, etc . Unless all jewelry for women going forward is going to be banned, I think an engagement ring is a sweet thing. Not a 10k event, but a thousand or two (as example, for a man making a nice salary) for a pretty ring you will be wearing for decades seems reasonable. 

I would like an engagement ring when I get engaged.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Cooper said:


> I think now that we people are enlightened and woke engagement rings should become a thing of the past. Originally the tradition started as a way for a man to claim ownership of a woman. How is that OK to the modern woman?
> 
> Also in the old days when a marriage was promised the woman's family would offer up a dowery, a few goats or maybe a donkey or two. Now what does the guy get? Nothing! So how is it fair and equitable for a man to be expected to cough up three months earnings for a ring? And in the end not even a goat to show for it!


Marriage traditions have varied over time and cultures. Some cultures did have a dowry, where the bride's family paid the groom to take the bride off of their hands and keep her respectable. Other cultures had a "bride price" where the groom paid the bride's family. There are lots of other traditions that involve neither of these. The dowry has not disappeared by any stretch, I doubt the bride price has either.

My understanding of the diamond engagement ring tradition was that DeBeers established it in the early days of Hollywood by providing them at low or no cost to famous actors who were getting engaged. In hindsight, it seems to have paid off big time.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

We never got engaged because we despised the traditional trappings, like proposing, buying diamond rings and getting married in church in a white dress. We spent the money on a trip to Paris instead.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Men often give women gifts of jewelry. Heck, my kids gave me a ring w my birthstone for my birthday one year. I love wearing it because I think of them.
> 
> I think an engagement ring is a nice thing. Women are going to be wearing (and receiving from their loved ones) rings, necklaces, earrings, etc . Unless all jewelry for women going forward is going to be banned, I think an engagement ring is a sweet thing. Not a 10k event, but a thousand or two (as example, for a man making a nice salary) for a pretty ring you will be wearing for decades seems reasonable.
> 
> I would like an engagement ring when I get engaged.


I spent as much as I could afford when I bought my wife's engagement ring, which wasn't much. It would still be a pretty cheap ring now, but it is at least gold and real diamond. It is a sweet thing, even if you aren't dumping a ton of money on it. I think it is a good tradition. I've spent a lot more on other jewelry gifts for her, but none are more valuable to her than the cheap ring I bought when I was 18. 

The idea that spending 1, 2 or 3 months salary on an engagement ring is a must is nothing more than marketing by the diamond industry. I think DeBeers came up with it a century ago and it seems that marketing campaign was a huge success.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> We never got engaged because we despised the traditional trappings, like proposing, buying diamond rings and getting married in church in a white dress. We spent the money on a trip to Paris instead.


My actual proposal was going to my future wife to tell her I just signed up for the Army, I leave in 6 months and I want you to come with, wanna get married? Not much tradition or romance there. I did make it up to her by properly proposing on the anniversary of the "proposal" many years later. We got married in a church, but we spent next to nothing, because we had almost nothing. The reception party was in my aunt's house. The only thing we splurged on was my wife's dress and she used her own money to buy it. Our honeymoon "trip" was a night at the Hampton Inn, lol. If I were to guess, our whole wedding, including rings, dress and HM might have added up to $1,000. We really had no where to go expect up. As I type this it all sounds like a terrible way to start off, but obviously money wasn't a key ingredient in starting off a very happy 31+ year marriage that is still going strong. We sure have come a LONG way since then. It is kind of crazy when I look back on that time in my life.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

LisaDiane said:


> Again...YOU KNEW...!!!!!!! I bow before your x-ray people vision!!!!!!


Blondilocjs always has my number, lol.
I’m too easy apparently.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think I spent $5k on my wife’s first ring. Entire wedding cost after that was maybe $8k. 

Completely broke and eating ramen for lunch for 6 months before it and a couple days on our honeymoon ate hot dogs cooked outside due to lack of funds.

Since then she has upgraded a few times (keeping the old ones). Before her current ring she was wearing a basically flawless oval cut 2.5 carat with a setting from an “old school” LA area jeweler who also cut the stone. When she got it she thought it looked big but the annoying thing I learned is they seem to shrink over time.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think I spent $5k on my wife’s first ring. Entire wedding cost after that was maybe $8k.
> 
> Completely broke and eating ramen for lunch for 6 months before it and a couple days on our honeymoon ate hot dogs cooked outside due to lack of funds.
> 
> Since then she has upgraded a


You see, this is total madness to me...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> You see, this is total madness to me...


I wanted her to be happy with it so it was only mildly painful. Keep in mind two years before that I was below the federal poverty line while I was in school and literally ran out of money for food with another week left until my next pay period.

So living on low funds was something I had just been doing recently. Her, not so much.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Blondilocjs always has my number, lol.
> I’m too easy apparently.


I have a feeling that @Blondilocks has ALL of our numbers...


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Blondilocks said:


> When I married, the figure was 2 months earnings.
> 
> Now, the husband gets a wife who is capable of supporting herself so no need for a dowry. I never understood the dowry system. People used to have to pay for slaves. Shouldn't the groom-to-be have had to pay the parents for the privilege of owning their daughter and providing him with male heirs?


If they ends up not having any male heirs does the guy get his money back? Asking for a friend.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> I wanted her to be happy with it so it was only mildly painful. Keep in mind two years before that I was below the federal poverty line while I was in school and literally ran out of money for food with another week left until my next pay period.
> 
> So living on low funds was something I had just been doing recently. Her, not so much.


Fair enough, still mad...


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

If the engagement ring is to signify the commitment made, why do you think male engagement rings are not more widely used?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

MarmiteC said:


> If the engagement ring is to signify the commitment made, why do you think male engagement rings are not more widely used?


Now that is a good question!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

MarmiteC said:


> If the engagement ring is to signify the commitment made, why do you think male engagement rings are not more widely used?


Because....


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Galabar01 said:


> To get things back on track, four marriages?!? Don't make it five. Spend the money on a vacation and stay unmarried.


Or, she could just buy the ring she wants and pretend she is married.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> its a long story, total threadjack, and I an finally past that old girl which has taken years. I don’t even like to think about her though. Still hurts some. I simply asked for it back when she told me within three weeks of our wedding that she didn’t know if she loved me over a childish fight we had over me not looking over the 3 rooms at a 5 star resort she had picked out, and was all jacked out of shape that I wasn’t showing enough interest in the “wedding”.
> Hell, I wanted to be married to her, I didn’t care much about the wedding itself, other than she wanted it. I dodged a life of unhappiness with her. So not complaining anymore, but in all honesty I truly loved the old girl. She had good values. She wouldn’t have kept that damn ring and she wasn’t overly materialistic. She was just a very selfish person.


I would have been shocked had she behaved otherwise. There were red flags from the moment you began posting about her. But you were focused on marrying her and ignored them. Fortunately for you, that didn’t happen.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

When i bought my wife's ring I went to the jewelry store by myself. Instead of going to work for OT one Saturday I went to a relatives jewelry store and with his help picked out an oval .5 carat of good quality and got it at cost. It took a week or so to be put into the setting. I took my wife to a very nice restaurant that was waterfront on a lake. I walker her down to water on got on one knee and asked her to marry me.

After showing it to friends and family one of the women said that since I did not take my wife with me to the jeweler with me, what if she didn't like it and said so. I replied that I then had my answer and that the ring was more important than the proposal and I would have taken it back and ended the relationship. The women was a little shocked by my answer.

You all need to look into the history of engagement rings and DeBeers has controlled the value of diamonds and their marketing campaign. The slogan Diamonds are forever was intentional so people would not look the resell or trade their diamonds. With out DeBeers control the price would have remained very low. Also try watching the movie with Leo DiCaprio "Blood Diamond".

Diamond engagement rings didn't become popular until *1947* when De Beers, the British company that mined diamonds in South Africa, launched an advertising campaign. With the help of Hollywood stars and the slogan, "A diamond is forever," diamond engagement rings skyrocketed in popularity.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Openminded said:


> I would have been shocked had she behaved otherwise. There were red flags from the moment you began posting about her. But you were focused on marrying her and ignored them. Fortunately for you, that didn’t happen.


We warned him. You can lead a fool (er, horse) to water; but...


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Always Learning said:


> You all need to look into the history of engagement rings and DeBeers has controlled the value of diamonds and their marketing campaign. The slogan Diamonds are forever was intentional so people would not look the resell or trade their diamonds. With out DeBeers control the price would have remained very low. Also try watching the movie with Leo DiCaprio "Blood Diamond".


THIS is why diamonds have NO value to me whatsoever. I never want a new diamond anything - rings, earrings, bracelet, etc! I won't be part of such a terrible racket just for some type of "status", that I don't even fit into anyway...Lol!

For both of my marriages, I used the 1ct diamond that belonged to my Aunt Diane (put into a new setting), that she gave me and that has so much personal value to me!!! 

I think cubic zirconias are gorgeous, if I want something sparkly and pretty, but I'd rather go to Yellowstone or Disney World for a vacation instead of get a diamond!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You should look up who coined the phrase "Diamonds are Forever" and why it was coined. Hint - they weren't popular in the U.S. What do you do with a colorless stone? You accentuate the positive.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

Tdbo said:


> Or, she could just buy the ring she wants and pretend she is married.


She'd probably be unhappy with the ring she bought for herself...


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Galabar01 said:


> To get things back on track, four marriages?!? Don't make it five. Spend the money on a vacation and stay unmarried.


I think that ship has sailed long ago. Probably a better chance of selling a 2003 Impala with over 300k miles on it......

2003 Impala, badly used, should be crushed


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> THIS is why diamonds have NO value to me whatsoever. I never want a new diamond anything - rings, earrings, bracelet, etc! I won't be part of such a terrible racket just for some type of "status", that I don't even fit into anyway...Lol!
> 
> For both of my marriages, I used the 1ct diamond that belonged to my Aunt Diane (put into a new setting), that she gave me and that has so much personal value to me!!!
> 
> I think cubic zirconias are gorgeous, if I want something sparkly and pretty, but I'd rather go to Yellowstone or Disney World for a vacation instead of get a diamond!


For that matter synthetic diamonds are now cheaper than their natural counterparts, but are supposed to be labelled as such and for the time being don't have the same resale value.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Galabar01 said:


> She'd probably be unhappy with the ring she bought for herself...


......because it is on her own dime.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Diamonds are not as rare as the diamond market wants us to believe. Russia is loaded with them. Several years ago they wanted in on the tightly controlled diamond trade market. DeBeers and other refused. Russia told them let us in or we will start selling on our own and ruin your market. They were still turned away. Russia then did a documentary on their diamond mines and opened up some of their vaults for public view. They were then allowed to trade on the diamond exchange as they could easily have crashed the entire exchange if they opened their own exchange.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

SpinyNorman said:


> For that matter synthetic diamonds are now cheaper than their natural counterparts, but are supposed to be labelled as such and for the time being don't have the same resale value.


Opals are my actual birthstone, and I LOVE them!!! They are actually hard to find as real authentic stones (not synthetic), and are very special, I think. I would love an opal much more than a diamond!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Interesting. The OP starts the thread and then says nothing. No comments. No feedback. Hmmmm ...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> Opals are my actual birthstone, and I LOVE them!!! They are actually hard to find as real authentic stones (not synthetic), and are very special, I think. I would love an opal much more than a diamond!


Opals are my birthstone, too. Ethiopia started mining opals about 20 years ago and they are really lovely and reasonably priced. I have purchased many of the Welo opals. I had despaired of ever finding a decent Australian opal and those from Ethiopia have filled the gap very nicely. I've had really good luck buying them from ShopLC and JTV.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> Interesting. The OP starts the thread and then says nothing. No comments. No feedback. Hmmmm ...


Thats not uncommon is it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

As I see it the issue of the rings pales into insignificance against the 4 divorces. 
Must admit I would give up after 2.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> Opals are my birthstone, too. Ethiopia started mining opals about 20 years ago and they are really lovely and reasonably priced. I have purchased many of the Welo opals. I had despaired of ever finding a decent Australian opal and those from Ethiopia have filled the gap very nicely. I've had really good luck buying them from ShopLC and JTV.


This is great information!!! Thanks!


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