# Looking for ideas for "variety" in sex life



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Married for over 25 years, together over 35, both of us in early 50's. In the last 5 or 6 years, our sex life and relationship overall has been very good. Before that we did about a year of MC after the marriage hit a rough patch/got stuck in a rut.

My wife is a textbook example of responsive desire. I can count the number of times she has truly initiated sex on both hands and feet. When she has, alcohol has always been involved. When we do have sex, she does really enjoy herself, almost always has an orgasm, and frequently has multiples.

Recently, we were talking about sex, and she tells me that she really enjoys it, but would like more "variety". I tried to get her to tell me what she meant, and the most I can get out of her is that she would like it to be "different" without offering any details.

Sex is fairly routine, I will admit, but it is mostly by her choice. She likes to start off with a hot bath. Most times she will "get herself ready" with the tub faucet and/or a vibe, always by herself with the door closed. Then she will give me oral (to get me ready), I will give her oral to orgasm, then some flavor of PIV. 

My birthday is coming up and when she asked me what I wanted I told her I wanted her complete and total submission in the bedroom for one entire day. She agreed, and actually seemed excited by that. She told me that she is up for anything except the following:

- A third party
- Anything involving pain and/or humiliation
- Watching her masturbate

So I am looking for some birthday sex ideas from the good folks here at TAM, I know this is THE place to go for input of this sort.


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## feeling lost (Oct 17, 2009)

OK let's get the comments going ...

Tell her that she will spent the day with you naked. Tell her to bring you breakfast in bed in the nude.


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## feeling lost (Oct 17, 2009)

... OK. Crumbs in the bed not a good idea, but she must still make breakfast in the nude!

You too by the way.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

Different can be as simple as changing the venue, use a different room.

We have 2 spare bedrooms for guests & I’ll sometime stage one with candles. One has no windows and with the door closed it's midnight in there.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

keeper63 said:


> Married for over 25 years, together over 35, both of us in early 50's. In the last 5 or 6 years, our sex life and relationship overall has been very good. Before that we did about a year of MC after the marriage hit a rough patch/got stuck in a rut.
> 
> My wife is a textbook example of responsive desire. I can count the number of times she has truly initiated sex on both hands and feet. When she has, alcohol has always been involved. When we do have sex, she does really enjoy herself, almost always has an orgasm, and frequently has multiples.
> 
> ...


It's good that you have a partner who is willing to work on things, is interested in variety, etc, honestly.

However, she should also be taking part in this, not just making you come up with the suggestions. If she's the one with the complaint (not really a complaint, of course) then she should take the initiative to find some solutions.

This sounds SO much like what my wife would do! She is also responsive desire, initiates extremely infrequently (alcohol helps, too), but also enjoys sex, has multiple O's, etc.

What I find is that this isn't uncommon in women who are described the way our wives are, in terms of sexuality. They WANT these things, but can't verbalize them. They want change, variety, something different, but leave it up to us to figure it out.

Sometimes, I think they actually don't KNOW what they want, they just want something different. However, I'd be wiling to bet your wife DOES know what she wants, but is reluctant to verbalize it.

Although your description of your wife is extremely similar to mine, my wife will masturbate in front of me - yours won't. That inability, or unwillingness, might indicate her reluctance to verbalize what she wants in bed, from you, among other things.

My wife wants me to "take" her, dominate without being dominating, if that makes sense. I'm not good at that, TBH. When I do do this, she definitely reacts more positively. I don't think all women who are described the way our wives are, are like this, but I wouldn't discount that many of them are. My wife takes no s*** from anybody and she's no princess. But in the bedroom, I think she prefers that role reversal. Maybe your wife does, too?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

What a wonderful idea!

Assuming you've got the kids out of the house for a day I suggest you start just as your wife starts, instructing her to take a bath. While she's in there, lay out a sexy outfit on the bed leaving her with instructions to wear the outfit for the day. Obviously, your plans of staying home would facilitate a revealing nighty or some other risqué lingerie.

I have found that when my H and I play this game, I need almost constant interaction with him in order to get and stay aroused and the more aroused I am, the more comfortable and natural my submission feels. Make sense? For instance if you instruct her to make you a sandwich, you should stay in the room and watch her while making very pointed observations and giving instructions on how she should stand, turn, bend, etc. Touching her frequently but with irregularity, to keep her guessing, is also something I would recommend.

While interacting with her as I describe above, you could instruct her to perform any house hold chore. 

If your wife seems turned on by submitting, I suggest you try some light bondage starting with handcuffs behind her back...(OMG the very idea turns me on like crazy! All my H has to do is show me the handcuffs and I start panting. I guess it's a fetish I have.) Once she is restrained, instruct her in the proper technique of a blow job. Edge yourself as you edge her. Stop the instructions and play with her body for a bit, then go back to the blow job. Take your time and do this over and over until neither of you can stand it anymore and then you pick her up and toss her over a sofa or bed or table and take her. 

Your wife is a responsive desire which means the more passion you show the more aroused she becomes. Watching her and let her see you watching her. Show her through your eyes, your growls, your grunts, your inability to refrain from touching her how passionate you are about her.

One time my husband cuffed and blindfolded me, put on my favorite dance song and after telling me to dance for him simply swayed with me, thus steadying me given my highly vulnerable physical limitations. It was explosively erotic to me.

My H is most comfortable dominating me if I am blindfolded. I am perfectly okay with that put if you blindfold her for the first time, you should always have a hand on her to build trust...especially if she is wearing high heels!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Good stuff please keep it coming! I am particlarly interested in what the ladies have to say especially the ones with responsive desire.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Blindfold her and Get different sensual objects to rub lightly over her body with, and tease her with them. Try feathers, silk fabric, ice kisses, paint brushes, pearls, etc. Find spots on her body that are sensitive but that you don't give a lot of attention to. Her fingers, feet, behind her ears, creases in her legs and arms. Tease, kiss, lick, and tease some more.

Another idea is orgasm denial. Build her up to almost orgasming, then back off. Do this for awhile until she begs to come.


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

You could buy HER favorite flavor of Honey Dust for your special birthday. ( If you have never tried it , its a good tasting, non sticky, massage powder.) It comes with a feather applicator. 
Its a fun game to dust some on and have your partner try to find it ... 
Has anyone else here tried it ?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

keeper63 said:


> Good stuff please keep it coming! I am particlarly interested in what the ladies have to say *especially the ones with responsive desire*.


 @keeper63 in your situation your wife is likely expecting you to work out a playful way to be romantic with her AND find a way to be adventurous in the bedroom. 

I get frustrated because I try to ask my wife WHAT things she might like, and she replies that she just likes for me to try different things and that she will let me know when she likes something. An example might be that I have to go through TEN DIFFERENT TOYS before finding one she that she says she really likes. But in the meantime if I ask her to help me shop for a toy she might like for us to use as a couple, she gets upset as if I am pressuring her for sex. 

So if you wife is anything like mine, she will NOT tell you what she likes NOR will she even have an idea what she might like. She just wants you to try different things in hopes something is exciting for her again. This will more than likely be a very frustrating experience for you, and you will be setting yourself up to fail again, again, again, again, and again.

*But once you do find something new she likes it is well worth the struggle!*

Here are my suggestions:


Since she has a responsive desire, focus FIRST on having her do different things that get you aroused. This may include having her wear sexy clothing and you complimenting how desirable she looks.
Since she is looking for variety, and change in venue can also be very helpful. Instead of having sex where you always do, try finding somewhere different like out on your backyard deck in the middle of the night under the stars. 
Playful sexting on your phones while you are away from each other is always well received by my wife. 
Tease each other sexually with FaceTime!

From some of the woman on TAM over time, here are some suggestions for once the action gets going:


 Backwards rabbit! You use a rabbit vibe to stimulate her g-spot and back door simultaneously.
 Glass dildos with a variety of textures. 
 Ample coconut oil and pressure with three-four fingers on her g-spot.
 Have sex but do NOT allow her to take off her pants, but allow a vibrator and/or grinding. Then once she has one or two orgasms, THEN take off her pants for the grand finally.

Good luck, 
Badsanta


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Thanks for the ideas, I know there are more TAM ladies out there with some great suggestions keep them coming!


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

If it were me, I do some light bondage. Get her naked then tie her up and really spend some time caressing and pleasing her. Make sure there is a lot of edging and maybe even some tickling involved. In fact, add in a blindfold.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Play off the things you know she likes, but add a twist to it!
(has always worked for me & my wife) 

For instance, a couple things I have done, and do:
She likes oral? 
Tie her to the bed and do oral. A lot of oral.
(don't get to serious with the knots, and use some soft rope) 
If she's OK with toys, slip in a dildo & do oral. 
(a real pleaser that one) 

I agree with others too. Location location location! 
Even as simple as a different room in your house. 
Or in the back yard.
(assumes you live in a rural area, or wait till dark)
:wink2:
Grab the 4-wheeler and head to the hills, and get closer to nature, or closer in nature! Camping can be fun!

It's a long list actually.....
Use your imagination!

:laugh:


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

feeling lost said:


> ... OK. Crumbs in the bed not a good idea, but she must still make breakfast in the nude!
> 
> You too by the way.


Just skip the bacon. Cooking bacon in the nude - bad idea.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

dom/sub roleplay


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

keeper63 said:


> Thanks for the ideas, I know there are more TAM ladies out there with some great suggestions keep them coming!


Do they sell wave machines for waterbeds these days?


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

So jealous...


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

All I have to say is "Thank God it's Tuesday!"


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

Keeper63, 

Your wife sounds like mine. Arouse-able, enjoys, O's... For my wife as others mentioned a change in venue is a nice change. I would try what Apink says...I mean I had to take a cold shower after reading that LOL sorry moderators..we know it was not intentional... 

She really gave you a fairly wide range. I think for many women..they are WILLING to explore other things but, it is easier for them to "give in" and "let you" rather than suggest it. Perhaps carry over of double standard thing. 

I couldn't help notice that YOU seem to be reluctant in some ways. I would put her on her stomach, give her a massage (after lubing her up) and going to town. If you have never used lubricant on your wife and really rubbed the outside of her clit (not just the hood that is exposed) but make wide circles. You should know that Like an iceberg, much of the clit is below the surface. 

The Internal Clitoris | MoSEX

If you press firmly you will rub the underside of the clitorus against the pubic bone. I did this once to my wife and she practically passed out. It is helpful to be waxed or have little hair. BTW if you have not had your wife go bare or close to it via shaving or waxing...wholly cow it is a big change. If my wife is bald for some reason she can't keep her clothes on. You may want to get that for your birthday... not sure if it is actually pain free.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Here are some of the things I am considering (in no particular order):

- Buying her a Brazilian Wax gift card (with instructions to leave a landing strip, I don't really like the totally bare look)
- Having her favorite female masseuse come over to the house to give her a 1 hour massage. Somewhere around the 45 minute mark I join in on the massage, we both continue to give her a "legitimate" massage and somewhere around 1 hour, I dismiss the masseuse and take over myself
- Have her take a prep bath using my favorite scented body wash, and laying out a sexy nightie and heels for her to wear
- Use zip ties like handcuffs to restrain her. A couple of times I tied her wrists and ankles with some old silk ties, and she was able to wiggle loose. I think using zip ties will let her know I am serious about her bondage
- Sex in the guest bedroom
- Teasing her with a vibe and making her beg me to give her my c*ck
- Making her read passages from 50 Shades of Gray aloud to me

Sound like fun?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

keeper63 said:


> Use zip ties like handcuffs to restrain her. A couple of times I tied her wrists and ankles with some old silk ties, and she was able to wiggle loose. I think using zip ties will let her know I am serious about her bondage


I think using zip ties will let her know you are serious about hurting her.

Although I've never used flexicuffs or zip tie improvised restraints in a sexual context I have used them to restrain people, from that experience I urge caution lest you want to injure your wife.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

As long as she isn't actively trying to get out of them like a person would who is being restrained against their will, I think zip ties will be fine. When we used silk ties, they just didn't stay tight, and they eventually slipped off.

I will certainly be careful and not do anything that would intentionally cause pain.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Keeper, that all sounds fantastic. You really have to invest in a quality set of padded Velcro handcuffs. You can link both hands together or each hand to something else. 

If your two saw 50 shades, forget the passages, down load the music instead. 

Have a wonderful birthday.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

More good ideas...thanks!

My wife saw the 50 Shades movie and read the book(s), I did neither. So at least for me, reading the passages from the book would be a turn-on.

We do use a blindfold from time to time.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

keeper63 said:


> More good ideas...thanks!
> 
> My wife saw the 50 Shades movie and read the book(s), I did neither. So at least for me, reading the passages from the book would be a turn-on.
> 
> We do use a blindfold from time to time.


* Erotic short stories like this >> Frenzy: 60 Stories of Sudden Sex: 

* Got a sex board game, great one here: Discover Your Lover 

* Got a book on Erotic Massage, Book on positions, great website with endless ideas : List of All Sex Positions | SexInfo101.com

* Give body /oil / erotic massages.../foot massages -with mint lotion...

* Buy a Sex Board game , this is one we have Discover Your Lover Board Game - ....so many ideas you can read off the cards, ideas you've never entertained on these cards..... even if they sit by your bedside... Forget Monopoly >> XXXopoly

* Take a shower together, lather each other up / bubble bath 

* Rent some Fantasy videos, Tantric sex, Kuma Sutra, etc... Loving Sex Instructional DVDs for Couples

* How about some new Sex Furniture >>Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear .. can also try a Sex Swing

* Got a trampoline & some privacy.... try some trampoline sex..

* Plan a Romantic Vacation - atmosphere can turn up the heat too... Champagne Towers Room, the Poconos... a heart shaped swimming pool in the privacy of your Suite, round bed, mirrors on the ceiling...


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## uxorious (Nov 25, 2014)

Ask her to dig deep into her toy chest to see what type of toys she can come up with...


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
"anything" can mean very different things to different people. Especially if you want to include bondage you need to be sure you both understand what sorts of things she does and does not want.

Most people feel its "obvious" what sorts of things will be fun and erotic - but in fact peoples desire vary all over the map.

Some women would love to be picked up, thrown over the side of the sofa and fcked hard and spanked. For others this would definitely fall under "humiliation". 

Does she consider anal to be included under "pain". Is a BJ to completion fun or "humiliating". 

Just as an example, many people would not think of masturbating for their partner as at all unusual, but for your wife it is a hard limit. (which is fine).

So have fun - but I suggest discussing first to make sure it really is fun and not a disaster. 




keeper63 said:


> Snip
> 
> My birthday is coming up and when she asked me what I wanted I told her I wanted her complete and total submission in the bedroom for one entire day. She agreed, and actually seemed excited by that. She told me that she is up for anything except the following:
> 
> ...


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## Renee0414 (May 26, 2016)

Sooo...whens your birthday? Im dying to know how it went! I would suggest sometime (probably not on your birthday since you have so many other great ideas) you can play a strip game. We have even played go fish once, every time you lay down a pair your spouse has to take off something and take a drink of wine, beer, or a shot of tequila! What ever you guys like to drink. We play whoever takes off their last article of clothing first (the loser) has to be the submissive. But you could have the prize be various different things each time you play. Sex begins when someone loses (obviously) 

Sent from my SM-G920R4 using Tapatalk


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My birthday "date" is on Monday, when we will have the house to ourselves...

We have played the strip game before a few times, and it was fun, but I was looking to make the birthday sex date a little more special. I already made some advance grooming, make-up, and attire requests.

If it goes well, I'll be sure to post an update!


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## Renee0414 (May 26, 2016)

keeper63 said:


> My birthday "date" is on Monday, when we will have the house to ourselves...
> 
> We have played the strip game before a few times, and it was fun, but I was looking to make the birthday sex date a little more special. I already made some advance grooming, make-up, and attire requests.
> 
> If it goes well, I'll be sure to post an update!


Sweet, good luck! Hope you both have a great time 

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## SouthernViking (May 7, 2016)

Keeper, hope everything went well. I recently started giving Tantric Massages to my wife. She loves it. I picked out videos to show her along with anal massage how to's which, she initially wasn't really into, but she is slowly getting to enjoy it. I'll make her a bath, then give her a massage which leads to a night of love making. 
This and a few other things have really changed her libido.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

So we ended up not having a lot of time due to lack of availability of an empty house, but I soldiered on nevertheless.

We did it in a guest bedroom where we had not had sex before. I lit a few candles, and set the mood. I laid out a sexy nightie for her, and after her bath, she put on the nightie and met me in the guest room. 

I would have to say that the blindfold and the restraints were the biggest hit. I think she was scared and excited at the same time when I was putting the zip ties on (she was already blindfolded). I then tied her zip tied wrists to the top of the bed and left her there for a short time.

I teased her a little bit by telling her to open her mouth while I slipped in various types of fruit. When I first told her to open wide, I think she thought I was going to slide my penis in, so she was surprised to get fruit.

I used a vibe on her until she got close, then went to PIV, where she had 2 or 3 orgasms. I can't really speak for her, but since it had been well over week for me since I last ejaculated, and since there was an unusually long, sexy build-up, I had one of the more explosive and intense-feeling orgasms I have had in a long time. Let's just say we spent more time cleaning up than I was expecting to.

Afterwards, she told me that she really enjoyed being restrained, she was expecting something more passive like the silk ties, and like I said, she was definitely nervous (in a good way I think) about being restrained in a manner where she knew there was no way she could get out.

So I think it all went very well, my wife got the "variety" she had been asking for, and I had an unusually strong and pleasurable orgasm. Thanks to the TAM crew for the suggestions. Since Father's Day is right around the corner, I may have to plan a similar "sex session" again, and will likely come back here for some more ideas (especially from the ladies).


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## Renee0414 (May 26, 2016)

keeper63 said:


> So we ended up not having a lot of time due to lack of availability of an empty house, but I soldiered on nevertheless.
> 
> We did it in a guest bedroom where we had not had sex before. I lit a few candles, and set the mood. I laid out a sexy nightie for her, and after her bath, she put on the nightie and met me in the guest room.
> 
> ...


Wow what a great night for you guys. The key is to figuring out how to make things work even when you dont have an empty house. If you are always waiting for the perfect time you wont have much of a sex life. Sometimes we go in the bathroom and lock the door and turn on the shower. Everyone just thinks im taking a shower and doesnt bug us.

Sounds like she really liked it. Keep having fun exploring new things! So happy for you guys! 

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