# Help, my husband wont answer phone



## vmorrow (Nov 15, 2012)

My husband is away at wor,k, and we got into an argument
yesterday because I checked his email, and he had emailed an old girlfriend. Now he wont answer his phone. We are both in our 50's, second marriages, been married 7 years. Need advice. Do I keep calling? I feel so sad.


----------



## justanaveragejoe (Sep 21, 2012)

i suppose you are going to have to wait till he calls you back....i would be angry if my fiance did what you did too....let him cool off


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

justanaveragejoe said:


> i suppose you are going to have to wait till he calls you back....i would be angry if my fiance did what you did too....let him cool off


Hmmm....let's not forget what the OP found when checking his email...

Where there's smoke, there's fire. No doubt, she had a good reason for checking, or even a gut feeling. Regardless, she found something didn't she?


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

vmorrow said:


> My husband is away at wor,k, and we got into an argument
> yesterday because I checked his email, and he had emailed an old girlfriend. Now he wont answer his phone. We are both in our 50's, second marriages, been married 7 years. Need advice. Do I keep calling? I feel so sad.


Can you provide a little more background? I feel for you. Had something similar happen to me a few years back. No fun.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My hubby and I can check up on each other at any time. We have each others passwords. We have nothing to hide.

I'd be quite ticked if I saw that. Wait until he gets off of work to talk to him. I do think its an inappropriate email.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

So is he mad about what you found out, or is he mad you checked his email, or both?

I wouldn't keep calling him. I wouldn't be sad either. What prompted you to check his email? What you found must not be too good.


----------



## justanaveragejoe (Sep 21, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Hmmm....let's not forget what the OP found when checking his email...
> 
> Where there's smoke, there's fire. No doubt, she had a good reason for checking, or even a gut feeling. Regardless, she found something didn't she?


i guess i dont believe in going behind peoples backs and snooping, maybe im old school


----------



## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

justanaveragejoe said:


> i guess i dont believe in going behind peoples backs and snooping, maybe im old school


But its okay for a married man to be emailing and ex girlfriend? Can't get much more old school than a faithful, till death do us part marriage in my opinion.


----------



## justanaveragejoe (Sep 21, 2012)

CO_MOM said:


> But its okay for a married man to be emailing and ex girlfriend? Can't get much more old school than a faithful, till death do us part marriage in my opinion.


nobody said it was okay,

where did you hear that?


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

justanaveragejoe said:


> i guess i dont believe in going behind peoples backs and snooping, maybe im old school


Well, hard to know for sure unless OP confirms, but I highly doubt that her husband was emailing his ex with her blessing...I know my H certainly wasn't!

Usually people snoop for a reason. But I am of the opinion that there should be no secrets or privacty in marriage. Again, there's a darned good reason for that...


----------



## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Stop calling. He is trying to turn the tables and make you the bad guy to take the heat off of himself. You calling is putting him in a position of power in this situation. Depending on what was in the email I think you should be the one ignoring his phone calls.

My SO and I are open books to each other. If he wants to go through my email, what do I care? I have nothing to hide. Same goes for him. Electronic communication is done in silence, you wouldn't care if your SO were in the room with you on the phone would you? So why do you care if they see what you are writing to other people? You want privacy, keep a diary or see a psychologist. Communication with friends, family and ex's have no reason to be hidden from a SO unless you are doing something wrong.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, he's mad that you found out. Makes me wonder what else you'd find out if you did a bit more digging.

There's got to be a reason you snooped.

What had he been emailing her about?

I agree, STOP calling him. You're being obsessive and clingy and needy and kind of pathetic, calling him to beg. I bet you want him to forgive you, right?? Well, if anyone should be doing any forgiving it is YOU. YOU should be pissed at HIM.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Yeah, he's mad that you found out. Makes me wonder what else you'd find out if you did a bit more digging.
> 
> There's got to be a reason you snooped.
> 
> ...


Took the words right out of my mouth....


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

justanaveragejoe said:


> i guess i dont believe in going behind peoples backs and snooping, maybe im old school


It isn't snooping. There shouldn't be secrets between people who are married and committed to making a marriage work.

When you start communicating with someone of the opposite sex WITHOUT your partner knowing, it starts you down a very slippery slope. 

Privacy is for using the bathroom, not the internet.


----------



## vmorrow (Nov 15, 2012)

Thanks to all the replys, they make me feel somewhat better. I definitely believe he is trying to turn this around to make me the bad guy. I am going to resist and not call him again. This is just so hard


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So why did you snoop anyway?? What else has he done?

If he is cheating on you, we want to help. Don't let him get away with it.


----------



## vmorrow (Nov 15, 2012)

Yeh, I was snooping, but he had been acting angry lately for no reason. Now I know why, he is guilty. She found him on FB, and asked him to email her a picture of him that she saw on FB. Whatever, that is strange.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

My (at the time) fiance started acting weird, which prompted me to snoop as well. I looked through his phone and found an out of province phone number. I did a reverse look up to find out that it was an ex of his...the one he'd lied to me about. Said they were only FRIENDS! I flipped....but I kept it together when I spoke to him. He too, was mad at first. He immediately went on the defense, saying that he was entitled to his privacy and that there was nothing wrong with phoning his FRIEND on her birthday. Besides, he told me, she hadn't even been home and there had been a strange man's voice on her answering machine.

You know, he almost had me. ALMOST. He told me he 'couldn't imagine her calling him up and him having to tell her that he could no longer speak to her'...when he said that, I felt like a piece of crap...controlling, jealous, you name it...Then, I found TAM and read story upon story of all these people who had reconnected with exes via FB, email, text, whatever...I learned how dangerous this was. So a day or so later, I went back to him and told him that if he was as serious as he claimed to be about me, that he would have to make his choice. I told him: 'I can't stop you from having your friend...but I certainly don't have to put up with it or go along with anything I'm not comfortable with'...he finally saw where I was coming from.

Unfortunately, in our case, this was adding insult to injury, as he'd lied to me about her from day one (I'd found out about their relationship from a mutual friend)...it opened up a big rotten can of worms that to this day, still stinks. 

Deal with this now, before you turn into us...trust me, you don't want to live with a ghost 'ex' hanging over you. It's been over 2 years for me, and it still turns my stomach over when I think of her, him, and the lies he told me...


----------



## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

Great advice, CandieGirl.


----------



## vmorrow (Nov 15, 2012)

Thanks CandieGirl.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My marriage ended by finding an email. But it was to someone I'd specifically asked my ex-H about, and he had typed an email to her while I was watching to 'show me' how he generally corresponded with her...nothing to hide, right? Then about ohhhhhh 6 months later I found another email sent the day before that...which was very different than the one he sent. The fact that she got both of them and replied one way to the 'demo' email was ummmmmm revealing. I let her H know, all he** broke open, as her brother then called my now ex-H. It seems everyone knew about this affair (including me, I'd asked about it, like why she suddenly sent a Christmas card to our house addressed to both of us if she'd never been introduced to me, why she couldn't be invited to our wedding with her H if she was truly just a friend....etc.) Ohhhhh it was a huge can of worms. It is pretty much never 'just' about an email.

Of course, this can be nerve wracking. Sedatives can be your new best friend. Because obviously this is upsetting, but as the wronged party you owe it to yourself to do anything and everything you can, including pharmaceutically, to be the one who gets some solid sleep at night and who can maintain her cool throughout. You don't want to fall to pieces at a time like this.


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

It still amazes me how often the WS makes the BS feel like they have no business what they are up to behind their back.

I got the same from my H and his EA..it was almost like how dare your wife interfere in our little EA. Who is she to be trying to get into your private email that you set up behind her back?

Yepp.....this is common behaviour from WS's.


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

....and the "we're only friends" bull**** line. Yes, very common as well! I got that too...the moment you hear that it's not good.


----------



## Mike79 (Nov 18, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Privacy is for using the bathroom, not the internet.


Well put.


----------

