# Masturbation during sex



## billy1234 (Apr 16, 2016)

My wife LOVES to masturbate during sex, she has several toys, and is not shy about using them.What I can not understand is why she does not use them when she is alone? When we finish, I generally put the toys away, and I put them in a certain way, so I can see if she has used them while she was alone. She almost never does. Why is that? She Always has multiple orgasms when she uses them, and like I said, She really loves using them....
Help me figure out why, and how to get her to use them when she is alone.
B.T.W., if i call her or leave her a "coded" note, she sometimes does, and will tell me she had several orgasms, but not without my encouraging her to use them...


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Or, perhaps she doesn't get the thrill out of the toys if you aren't helping out or watching. 

Some of the toys we have, my W doesn't use if I'm not around. Just don't work for her solo. 

:smile2:


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Maybe your wife does not like sex with just herself.... I don't like to masturbate... I feel so empty and alone. Kinda like rubbing one off.... 

This may be YOUR fantasy, not hers.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

billy1234 said:


> My wife LOVES to masturbate during sex, she has several toys, and is not shy about using them.What I can not understand is why she does not use them when she is alone? When we finish, I generally put the toys away, and I put them in a certain way, so I can see if she has used them while she was alone. She almost never does. Why is that? She Always has multiple orgasms when she uses them, and like I said, She really loves using them....
> *Help me figure out why, and how to get her to use them when she is alone.*
> B.T.W., if i call her or leave her a "coded" note, she sometimes does, and will tell me she had several orgasms, but not without my encouraging her to use them...


If this arrangement works for you and her, why change it? Basically you want your wife to change, maybe do something she does not want to do, to make you happy. Plus you have not even made the case to us, let alone your wife, why you want her to do this.

What is really bothering you or what to you REALLY want?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

This seems like a first world problem. I'm not sure why you are worrying about it.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

And you are monitoring her toy usage......why exactly?


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

always_alone said:


> And you are monitoring her toy usage......why exactly?


Estimating *OPKWH? (Just a guess) 

*Orgasms Per Kilowatt Hour

:laugh:


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Seriously though, it can be quite exciting to think about your W doing the deed to herself. 
More exciting to catch her! :wink2:

I suppose finding tools moved around would fodder the thought.

:smile2:


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Maybe he'd rather her use them when alone and not with him? It's a mixed bag. I can see how it may bother someone. Honestly, when I am getting sex regularly, I masturbate very infrequently. I honestly find sex the best when I've saved up 2-4 days. Obviously women are different, I guess I just wanted to share my masturbation schedule in case everyone wanted to know...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

billy1234 said:


> My wife LOVES to masturbate during sex, she has several toys, and is not shy about using them.What I can not understand is why she does not use them when she is alone? When we finish, I generally put the toys away, and I put them in a certain way, so I can see if she has used them while she was alone. She almost never does. Why is that? She Always has multiple orgasms when she uses them, and like I said, She really loves using them....
> Help me figure out why, and how to get her to use them when she is alone.
> B.T.W., if i call her or leave her a "coded" note, she sometimes does, and will tell me she had several orgasms, but not without my encouraging her to use them...


If these are all toy YOU have purchased for her, then she uses these to please YOU.

Odds are you just have not found the top secret stash of toys SHE likes!! I help you play Sherlock Holmes! If you pay attention to all the best selling female sex toy they all happen to be 100% waterproof.... hummmmmm, why would this be? Would there be somewhere in you house where you wife regularly gets naked and there is water everywhere? .....hmmmmm where could this be?










...and women, when they are getting ready, they always take sooooooo long in the bathroom? Why is this? What are they doing. I tell you there is no way they are putting on makeup, because everything is soooo steamed up and foggy, almost as if they are hiding in there like a ninja or something!!!!










NOW, I want to know WHAT is going on in my bathroom! Got to run....

Badsanta


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## Trappedfor25 (Apr 16, 2016)

At least she is youseing them with you,me personally think thats hot............


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

billy1234 said:


> My wife LOVES to masturbate during sex, she has several toys, and is not shy about using them.What I can not understand is why she does not use them when she is alone? When we finish, I generally put the toys away, and I put them in a certain way, so I can see if she has used them while she was alone. She almost never does. Why is that? She Always has multiple orgasms when she uses them, and like I said, She really loves using them....
> Help me figure out why, and how to get her to use them when she is alone.
> B.T.W., if i call her or leave her a "coded" note, she sometimes does, and will tell me she had several orgasms, but not without my encouraging her to use them...


Did you ask her?


My wife feels that solo masturbation is immoral so she will use the toys in my presence but not to my knowledge when I am not home. I would not have a problem if she did use them on her own.


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

What in the world are you complaining about. Be thrilled that she's sexual enough to use toys. 
My gal dues like when I tell her to play with herself over text when we are apart.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

billy1234 said:


> My wife LOVES to masturbate during sex, she has several toys, and is not shy about using them.What I can not understand is why she does not use them when she is alone? When we finish, I generally put the toys away, and I put them in a certain way, so I can see if she has used them while she was alone. She almost never does. Why is that? She Always has multiple orgasms when she uses them, and like I said, She really loves using them....
> Help me figure out why, and how to get her to use them when she is alone.
> B.T.W., if i call her or leave her a "coded" note, she sometimes does, and will tell me she had several orgasms, but not without my encouraging her to use them...


This is easy to answer, she simply doesn't feel like using them when she is alone.

If you want further musings on this you would be far better served by asking her.

As to wanting your wife to use those items in your absence, I don't see why it should matter to you at all either way. How your wife masturbates or doesn't in her own time is her business not yours.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Along the same lines as what everybody else has said here, not everyone is into masturbation.

Your wife uses the toys while with you. She's probably excited about doing it.

You said she'll use them on her own when you "encourage" her. She's probably excited about doing that.

One way or the other, it seems as though you have to be included for her to enjoy it. On her own, though, she obviously has no interest.

Or, as BadSanta hinted, perhaps she uses other means when you're not around. Women can masturbate without the use of vibrators, and some even prefer it. Shower head, running bath tub, fingers, etc.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Personal said:


> This is easy to answer, she simply doesn't feel like using them when she is alone.
> 
> If you want further musings on this you would be far better served by asking her.
> 
> As to wanting your wife to use those items in your absence, I don't see why it should matter to you at all either way.* How your wife masturbates or doesn't in her own time is her business not yours*.


This is very true. However it can be exciting for OP, or others, to know their spouse masturbates, or even how. I've read numerous posts over the years where this is evident, and they haven't all been from men.

To each their own, and as long as one's spouse clearly wants absolute privacy about this, then no harm, no foul, IMO. It sounds a bit like OP's wife isn't super secretive about it (as he stated he'll encourage her when he's not around, and she'll tell him all about it).

Some people enjoy sharing their masturbation habits with their spouse, some do not.

*ETA, my wife has caught me a handful of times over the years, and it definitely seems to excite her. And she's LD. We also masturbate with each other once a month or so, and it most definitely excites her as I get close, and eventually finish. That usually pushes her over the edge herself.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

alexm said:


> This is very true. However it can be exciting for OP, or others, to know their spouse masturbates, or even how. I've read numerous posts over the years where this is evident, and they haven't all been from men.
> 
> To each their own, and as long as one's spouse clearly wants absolute privacy about this, then no harm, no foul, IMO. It sounds a bit like OP's wife isn't super secretive about it (as he stated he'll encourage her when he's not around, and she'll tell him all about it).
> 
> ...


I get that completely, the thing is in this instance he really ought to talk to his wife about it plainly and directly. That's where the answer lies if she's willing to share such information, if she isn't willing he'll have to accept that or...


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Personal said:


> I get that completely, the thing is in this instance he really ought to talk to his wife about it plainly and directly. That's where the answer lies if she's willing to share such information, if she isn't willing he'll have to accept that or...


Exactly!
And if she is willing to share, you may find out some things that surprise you! Communication can be enlightening!

And, if not, oh well. I agree. Accept that. 

:grin2:


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Personal said:


> I get that completely, the thing is in this instance he really ought to talk to his wife about it plainly and directly. That's where the answer lies if she's willing to share such information, if she isn't willing he'll have to accept that or...


I'm under the impression he has talked to his wife about it (though not plainly and directly, I suppose).

He did say that he encourages her to masturbate, she does, and she tells him about it.

His issue (if it's really even that), is that she doesn't seem to masturbate on her own, without encouragement.

She uses toys during sex, and uses toys on her own when he encourages her to. But it doesn't seem as though she has the drive to do so by herself. Sounds like she enjoys the thought of using them when he's involved in one way or another.

I actually fail to see the problem. If she chooses to masturbate without toys (ie. she uses the shower, her fingers, a hairbrush, whatever) that's her prerogative. He seems to want her to use the toys when she masturbates. Perhaps she just doesn't masturbate at all, unless he encourages her to do so, which she may actually find to be quite a turn on for her.

My wife has a few toys. She does use them occasionally, seems to be in spurts, then no use for a long time. We also use them together every now and again.

Now, I have NO idea if she masturbates without her toys when I'm not around. I don't think so - she likes her vibrator - but I have no idea. I'd LIKE to know, honestly, as it would be a turn on for me, but I have no intentions of asking her if she masturbates in other ways when I'm not around. I figure if it was a turn on for her, she'd tell me all about it. Ironically enough, she's asked me a few times over the years. Nothing too in depth, but she seems slightly turned on by it. And like I said, the few times she's caught me, she wasn't displeased. Years ago, she directly told me she wanted to watch me. This is how we've evolved into mutual masturbation every now and again, instead of sex.

So she seems to have the same interest in me doing as I do her, but she's much more private about her habits than I am. That's her prerogative.

*ETA - my ex wife would actually get slightly upset if she knew I masturbated, or if she caught me. No idea why. Meanwhile, she went through periods of our marriage where it was virtually a daily occurrence for her, and often wouldn't hide it too well, either. I'll never forget that one time where she rejected me for sex, then went straight to the bathroom, ran a bath, and masturbated. I could hear her through the paper-thin wall. At that point in the marriage, I couldn't have been bothered to barge in and catch her. I remember being sad, though.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

I am nearly positive my wife never masturbates when alone, but she does sometimes when we have sex. I always enjoy watching her. She says she just doesn't get anything out of it doing it by herself.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

woodyh said:


> I am nearly positive my wife never masturbates when alone, but she does sometimes when we have sex. I always enjoy watching her. She says she just doesn't get anything out of it doing it by herself.


She may, she may not. I'd think that if she does it during sex, then she likely does it on her own occasionally. She obviously knows how to please herself, and most people learn that by themselves.

It doesn't matter, though. If she does do it on her own, then she's clearly private about it, so let her be. As I said above, some people are turned on by sharing this with others, even just verbally, while some prefer absolute privacy.

Many people completely separate sex and masturbation - two entirely different things, which is why there's no interest in sharing. Others think of all sexually-related things as being one and the same, and have no issues with bringing the two together in their relationships.


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