# So, it's my fault she drove on a flat tire?



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Last night when I went out to pick up dinner I notice my truck has a flat. It was late and cold so I went inside and ask the wife for the keys to her car. I let her know my truck had a flat and that I would deal with it tomorrow when the sun was out.

This morning she has to go to the theatre for a rehearsal and unknown to me she takes off with my truck. I figured she would take her own car. Well, she calls me 5m later and says she is stuck not the side of the road and the tire is shredded. 

I was angry with her, but I didn't say anything mean. I did ask her why she took my truck when she knew it had a flat. It also has tire pressure sensors, so it would have alarmed when SH started the truck. She said she had forgot and did not notice the alarm. 

Whatever, I take her car to her and deal with the truck on the side of the road.

She actually said, and I'm not kidding, "you should have told me again before I left that the tire was flat because I don't check those things." 

WTF?

To add salt, it's an odd size tire, the only place that has it in stock is 25 miles from home. So, here I sit at the bar waiting an estimated 3 1/2 hours until the can get my truck in. 

Oh, and she says its my own fault for not reminding her. Not sorry honey. No remorse. 

Seriously? I think I should buy her coal for Xmas.

Now to slow down on the beers so I can drive myself home. /sigh


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Enjoy the beers. This too will pass. Not worth fighting over.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LOL. Classic. Yes sir I would just laugh this off. These are the good times my friend. Roll with it. Be the guy that says, sorry hun next time I will remind you ... or pull the spark plug witres off the truck. 

My wife might pull this but more likely she would take it and have the tire fixed for me at discount tire.

I love that woman. I love it when she corrects the guys at the part store when they are wrong. She learned much from those days when she held the flashlight for me.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Enjoy the beers. This too will pass. Not worth fighting over.


Too right.

We've had $600 repair bills escalated to $6000 repair bills because it was too much trouble to stop the car when it was overheating. 

--Irritating at the time, but small potatoes in the grand scheme of things.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Enjoy the beers. This too will pass. Not worth fighting over.


Nor, apparently, is she. 

This is not a woman thing, not a relationship thing.... This is genuine narcissism and irresponsibility. 

Passing off one's failure to be a responsible person, by blaming the ENTIRELY innocent party is not what adults do to each other. Married, friends, lovers, or even just neighbors. 

Methinks he's angry because this is nowhere NEAR the first time his wife has done similar things, and totally dodges all question of responsibility for her own behavior. 

Just a guess.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> Too right.
> 
> We've had $600 repair bills escalated to $6000 repair bills because it was too much trouble to stop the car when it was overheating.
> 
> --Irritating at the time, but small potatoes in the grand scheme of things.


Ouch. 

When I was in college I did all of the maintenance on my VW Squareback. I learned very quickly about paying attention to the heatgage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Acoa said:


> Last night when I went out to pick up dinner I notice my truck has a flat. It was late and cold so I went inside and ask the wife for the keys to her car. I let her know my truck had a flat and that I would deal with it tomorrow when the sun was out.
> 
> This morning she has to go to the theatre for a rehearsal and unknown to me she takes off with my truck. I figured she would take her own car. Well, she calls me 5m later and says she is stuck not the side of the road and the tire is shredded.
> 
> ...


Could she have been kidding? I do that sometimes as a joke... blame it on him. I act serious but both of us know that i'm joking... that I don't want to say out loud that I was as stupid as stupid could be.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Oldgeezer wins the prize. (The prize is a shredded Goodyear 265/50r22 Forterra HL. You will find most of it near the side of the road.

An yes, in the grand scheme this is not very significant. But I needed to vent. So, thanks for being here.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

No Ele, unfortunately she is quite serious. 

And I see it snowballing. My plan for today was to make 488 chocolate turtles and 14lbs of peanut brittle that we use as Xmas gifts for friends and family. So, now I will either stay up late doing that or have to listen to her telling everyone how they don't get a gift because I didn't finish my job.

Meh, 1 more beer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Acoa said:


> No Ele, unfortunately she is quite serious.
> 
> And I see it snowballing. My plan for today was to make 488 chocolate turtles and 14lbs of peanut brittle that we use as Xmas gifts for friends and family. So, now I will either stay up late doing that or have to listen to her telling everyone how they don't get a gift because I didn't finish my job.
> 
> Meh, 1 more beer.


Give them all pictures of yourself after all those beers.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Acoa said:


> Oldgeezer wins the prize. (The prize is a shredded Goodyear 265/50r22 Forterra HL. You will find most of it near the side of the road.
> 
> An yes, in the grand scheme this is not very significant. But I needed to vent. So, thanks for being here.



You, her and a counselor need to have some serious discussions about what is and not mature adult responsibility. 

My wife is no mechanic and if she drove the car to the point of destroying the motor out of ignorance (or some other part), I KNOW she would have remorse. No matter how it came out (anger or frustration or just hurting), I'd know it. Don't ask how I know, please. 

But to just flit off and whine at YOU is not what should be done. 

This is going to burn at your gut and it's going keep getting reignited until it's dealt with.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Thanks Oldgrezer. We are already in MC for much larger issues. This will make nice case study for our next session. Which unfortunately isn't for 3 weeks. 

So for now...


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Maybe it's because I'm be-yotchy or whatever, but I would be SORELY tempted to text her our home address. Cause MAYBE she forgot it and it's YOUR JOB to remind her! And next time she leaves the powder room, I'd probably ask if she wiped...because MAYBE she forgot and it's YOUR JOB to remind her! Honestly, I'd probably repeat EVERYTHING (the more mundane, the better) ad nauseum just to be SURE you were doing YOUR JOB of making her PAY ATTENTION (yep, I'm definitely a be-yotch, and a passive-aggressive one, at that!)

BLAMING YOU because she's selfish and didn't HEAR the alarm? Pfffft!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Wife drove for week with a mostly empty transmission until it failed completely. Never mentioned anything until it broke. Now even if you know nothing about cars, you're going to notice the car dropping out of gear into neutral randomly while cruising along, aren't you? You're going to notice shifting from park into gear and the car not moving, yes? 

Guess not. Anyway. $3,350.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I must have wronged someone in a past life. I went back to the shop to check on progress and that can't find the tire. 

I could piss fire and **** bricks right now.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

oldgeezer is right.

If my wife did something like that there is no way I would be the one taking any crap about it, serious or otherwise.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> If my wife did something like that there is no way I would be the one taking any crap about it, serious or otherwise.


I'm a WOMAN and there's NO WAY I'd have the ovaries to stand there and act so stupid OR so self-righteous!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Acoa said:


> Last night when I went out to pick up dinner I notice my truck has a flat. It was late and cold so I went inside and ask the wife for the keys to her car. I let her know my truck had a flat and that I would deal with it tomorrow when the sun was out.
> 
> This morning she has to go to the theatre for a rehearsal and unknown to me she takes off with my truck. I figured she would take her own car. Well, she calls me 5m later and says she is stuck not the side of the road and the tire is shredded.
> 
> ...


Don't worry, you are in the bar. Relax. Next time put chock blocks under the tires. Big ones. Then she will maybe realize, something is wrong. Or you could hide the keys. Some people just cannot function very well in the a.m. It sounds like she is one of them. I have heard of women who do not know how to put fuel in a car or even change the windshield wipers (and don't know they can just ask at the gas station to have them put on...) Sitting in the bar doesn't sound too bad, unless you had something else to do. At least you can feel needed, and competent? I'm guessing your W does not work as an airline pilot...if she does please let us know which one!


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Home now and she is acting like nothing happened and could I use her help making candy. I guess I'll exploit the offer of help rather than start a fight.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

oldgeezer said:


> Nor, apparently, is she.
> 
> This is not a woman thing, not a relationship thing.... This is genuine narcissism and irresponsibility.
> 
> ...


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: and :iagree:

(we need a "This!" icon like the "I agree" icon)

Her behavior is one of a person who refuses to take responsibility for anything negative, the truth be damned. And hubby is the "Designated Scapegoat" who exists to take the blame so that she always smells like roses.

That kind of behavior in a relationship is almost *always *going to have a corrosive effect to the marriage over time.

The individual event, and the cost may not be a big deal in the scheme of things, but the relationship behavior* is* going to be a big deal in the long run.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

To forget that you'd told her that the truck had a flat tyre is one thing, but to ignore the alarm is quite another. Besides, didn't she notice something was wrong when she started driving the truck?

I don't see how she can blame you, OP.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> I could piss fire and **** bricks right now.


Perhaps you should let W know you have fire and bricks available; she may be in need of them and may be angry that you have not reminded her that you have them!


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## ChuckCanuck (Dec 15, 2012)

Of course it is.

J.K...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

So you are all "piss fire and bricks" because the shop didn't have the tyre but "meh" about the fact that your wife is acting like a spoilt brat?

OK good luck with that. Not a healthy situation but I guess you know that already.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I brought it up before bed. Just told her no, not her fault the tire was flat; not her fault it's an odd model and no one stocks it. But it is her fault that she drove on it and destroyed it.

She backed off from its my fault to, it would have been nice of me to remind her. Then she started to rub my groin. 

I told her the tire bugs me less than the fact she is blaming me rather than owning up to it. Her response?, "what do you want me to say?" And she slipped her hand into my underpants.

She knows I am frustrated but refuses to acknowledge it.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Tell her, "I want YOU to say, 'I effed up, and I'm sorry. I was embarrassed that I did something so stupid and I TRIED TO BLAME IT ON YOU. I am REALLY SORRY about that. I WON'T DO *THAT* again!'" 

Tell her, "*THAT'S* what I want you to say! Something that acknowledges YOUR ATTEMPT to dump this all on ME!"


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## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

Acoa said:


> I brought it up before bed. Just told her no, not her fault the tire was flat; not her fault it's an odd model and no one stocks it. But it is her fault that she drove on it and destroyed it.
> 
> She backed off from its my fault to, it would have been nice of me to remind her. Then she started to rub my groin.
> 
> ...


So...not only does she make ridiculous statements about responsibility, she also uses sex as a deflection for her bad behaviour? That's so not cool. 

"No dear, I do not want to have sex with you right now. I don't make it a habit of having sex with people I don't like."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Acoa said:


> I brought it up before bed. Just told her no, not her fault the tire was flat; not her fault it's an odd model and no one stocks it. But it is her fault that she drove on it and destroyed it.
> 
> She backed off from its my fault to, it would have been nice of me to remind her. Then she started to rub my groin.
> 
> ...


She is playing you for a complete fool.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Acoa said:


> I brought it up before bed. Just told her no, not her fault the tire was flat; not her fault it's an odd model and no one stocks it. But it is her fault that she drove on it and destroyed it.
> 
> She backed off from its my fault to, it would have been nice of me to remind her. Then she started to rub my groin.
> 
> ...


Why don't you try the same maneuver the next time she is pissed at you? Wonder how far you'll get...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

Acoa said:


> She knows I am frustrated but refuses to acknowledge it.


Then refuse to acknowledge her, period.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

In our household this would have been the other way around. It was my estranged husband doing things like this. I can feel your anger and disbelief.  It used to drive this farm girl nuts!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Actually, OP, I'd have turned this around on her and given her absolute hell for driving your truck on a flat tyre, after you TELLING her that it was flat, and for her not paying due care and attention to the alarm. She could have caused a lot of damage, I should imagine.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Acoa said:


> ...
> This morning she has to go to the theatre for a rehearsal and unknown to me she takes off with my truck. I figured she would take her own car. Well, she calls me 5m later and says she is stuck not the side of the road and the tire is shredded.
> 
> I was angry with her, but I didn't say anything mean. I did ask her why she took my truck when she knew it had a flat. It also has tire pressure sensors, so it would have alarmed when SH started the truck. She said she had forgot and did not notice the alarm.
> ...


...And why did she take your truck instead of her car?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> ...And why did she take your truck instead of her car?


Because she would rather drive my 2012 Loaded SUV than her 2004 hatchback. It's my work truck so I keep it clean. It's much nicer to drive and my work pays for the gas. So, when I am not going anywhere its not uncommon for her to take it. Doesn't bother me except when she drives it with a flat tire. 

PS - tire still not fixed. Should get done today. If not, we won't be leaving on time for our vacation Wednesday.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Acoa said:


> Should get done today. If not, we won't be leaving on time for our vacation Wednesday.


And that'll be your fault too ...


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

The tire is fixed. Writing out her Christmas card now. Not our finest year. Hopefully 2013 gets better.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I would have been frustrated but her trying to blame me would have thrown me over the edge quickly. I didn't marry a child.

Head gasket went out in my brother's car. He asked his wife, didn't you hear it making noise? She said she heard something so she turned up the radio and there went the engine. But she did at least realize how dumb that was later.


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