# 4 Months Separated



## Sterilite456 (Dec 8, 2013)

Thank you all in advance for reading this. I will try to keep this as short as possible.

I have dated my wife for 9 years been married one year. 4 months ago she told me we needed to talk and in that conversation she was scared to talk to me but did say she thought she wasnt ready to get married and maybe she picked the wrong person.

In the beginning I reacted badly and took all my stuff and moved out. After this she told me she wanted a divorce and I pleaded for sometime to cool off. After a while she emailed me and told me that we were both angry and that she knows she wants to be separated for now to straighten things out.

It took 2 months to find out from my mom and friends what is going on. She is basically saying that she lost feelings and doesn't love me anymore. As of now she only remembers all the bad things about the relationship and nothing good.

What happened is in the beginning of the year she started going out with her co workers a lot. I didn't like it but i'm not someone that would regulate. It got out of hand where she was out like 3-4 times a week. Not liking this and having no wife at home I looked to go out with my friend. She was also hating her job because of her boss and I quit my job in April to pursue another career which she completely supported. However, in the end I know that took a toll on the relationship even though I do bring home money on side jobs.

Long story short she reaches out to me to vent about all the things she didnt like about me. I tried my best to be nice and considerate, listening to her complaints and offering solutions. She always says I don't know if I want to fix this anymore and that you can't change. Eventually, I told her to take the time she needs to figure it out and until then she should not contact me and that hopefully she can figure it out before the new year so we can move forward with our lives. She did contact me 2 weeks ago to complain about me again.

100% there is no one else out there. I want to know what I am suppose to do now. I by no way throughout this whole process called or begged her. What I hope for is just to sit down and talk like adults which she will not do. She would not try marriage consoling. 

From her last conversation with my mom she is saying that she still wants a divorce but she is not ready to call a lawyer to send the papers out. She also doesnt have feelings for me or miss me and that she happy with her life now. She also says the issue is her.

I just don't know what I am waiting for anymore. I feel that the gap between us is just getting bigger and bigger. Also, if I keep waiting she might find someone else then get the divorce. I also don't want to be the person sending out the divorce paper because I don't want to live with the guilt. Can anyone give me some thoughts and input? Thank you so much!


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Is infidelity a deal breaker for you? I'm sorry, but there are so many redflags on your one post that scream infidelity.....that there's no way you can be 100% certain. I'd give it 50/50....and that's being generous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

It's called a starter marriage, OP. Same thing happened to me. Dated my wife for four years, she wanted to get married, and then a little after a year passed, she left.

It's been eight months since she left. She will not speak to me in any way, shape, or form. She had me served with divorce docs about three months ago or so.

A starter marriage seems to be more and more common. Basically we both got used by females that have no clue what vows are.

I mean, have we both really changed in one year? I know I haven't!

And, like you, I'm fairly certain there wasn't another man. I would have found out by now if there was. I could be wrong, but I see no evidence pointing towards that.

I am glad I kept my assets separate from the relationship. It is the best thing that I've ever done...


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

Don't be guilty about having to file for divorce. She'll already be working on that as we speak...


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

So, drop her like a hot potato. She left once, and she'll do it again.

Let her become someone else's problem. Let her pay for the divorce. If you have assets, now is the time to protect them.

You give her nothing. No help, no cash, no nothing. You let her live how she wants to, without you.

Understand that the days of our Grandparents being married for 60 years is DONE! Over, finished.

Understand that the next woman will most likely leave also (the failure rates for second marriages are even worse than first marriages, which sit at around 50/50 odds).

Know this. Know the stats. Know the facts. ALWAYS protect your assets if you have any.

And always remember, don't be too hard on yourself. Some people keep running all of their lives looking for something that doesn't exist. She will do to the next guy what she did to you. Mark my words...


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## Sterilite456 (Dec 8, 2013)

Toby infidelity is definitely not the case here. Yes I can see why you may think that but it's not the case. 

I've been also reading walk away wife. Is this the case here?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

While it's natural to speculate on the motivations involved with someone walking away, it's counterproductive.

Your focus and emotional energy need to be on you - not digging for details about why some disordered person did what they did.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I would tend to agree with Conrad here.

People tend to want what the cannot have.

Additionally, working on yourself and focusing on you prepares you for an uncertain future.

It's all about you from here,
Stretch


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