# Should I leave??



## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

I just can’t take it anymore. I’m not an emotional person; on average I cry maybe once a year but in the past few months I cry a few times a week. I cry for my depressed husband, I cry for my kids that have to go through this but most of all I cry for myself because I just can’t take living like this anymore. My house is an emotional roller-coaster ride. The highs are never as high as they were at one time but they are still enough to get my hopes up that things can get better then the lows come crashing in so fast that it makes me forget I was ever high yet I can still feel the utter pain of getting let down, yet again. I know he doesn’t mean to. I know he loves me and the kids more than life itself but he has a really hard time showing it these days. My husband has been dealing with depression for about 3 years. It started with work stress... Financial stress... Everyday life stress and then it progressed to deep depression. He is like a robot. He has no drive, nothing makes him happy anymore. He worries constantly and lives with a dark cloud over him. I’ve had one foot out the door for so long I can’t remember. I actually kicked him out twice in the past two months but I let him come back because I felt bad. He promises he will try to get better, puts on an act for a few days, sometimes it even last a week or more... but then like always, he crashes under pressure and the extreme depression hits again and again. I am not happy! I am far from it. I don’t want to leave my husband because he’s ill but I don’t know how much longer I can subject myself and my children to live like this. Like last night.. I had a hard time falling asleep because I’m dreading today; after work I have a side job to do, I really need the money but I am afraid to let him home with the kids. Not because I’m afraid he will hurt them, but because I know he will feed off them negatively if they are in bad moods. If they argue he will argue even more and it’s not a healthy environment for any of them. I don’t know what to do!!! Please help. 

FYI – He has tried meds.. he doesn’t like them. I see a difference in his mood when he’s on them, a positive difference but it never last long because he says they make him tired and he stops taking them after a week or two and only starts again when I reach my breaking point and threaten to leave the marriage.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

wondering if my post is disease infected that not one person offered an opinion?? 

to give more info.. with my husband almost 11 1/2 years-married 5 1/2.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Sounds like he needs serious help and It also sounds like you should go get some IC as well. 

Depression is not something you want to have for 3 years. I would tell him if he wants your marriage to work he needs to get help.

I am really sorry you are going through this.

Clay


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## JohnC_depressed (Dec 6, 2012)

I* know he loves me and the kids more than life itself but he has a really hard time showing it these days.* Then you have a reason for trying. From the little you wrote it looks like he is sick (not your fault), but it is inconveniencing you and so it is easiar to throw in the towel and leave. You R here for a reason and I thinkk its because :

1) you want some reassurance that its ok to quit becuase of the inconvenience
2) you really want to make it work and need some help in trying.

Which is it???


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

JohnC.. I don't know which it is?? Maybe a little of both. I want to be happy.. I want him to be the person that I am happy with.. but I just don't think thats possible anymore. It's more then just an inconvenience, it's a devastion bringing our family down. After three years of trying to help him.. I'm tired.. I'm lonely.. and I'm scared. 
Last night was BAD! I couldn't go do my side job as I feared. I asked him to leave.. he started crying and refusing to leave. I called his family for an 'intervention.' I got a "you and the kids should walk on egg shells because my son is sick" from his mom. Which made me feel lower then low. I guess I'm suppose to spend my days being strong for my girls and cry in the bathroom when I get a chance so no one can see the pain i'm going through living like this. After his mom left; him and I got in to a arguement about my oldest - an arguement we have a few times a week. His dad said 'you two need to separate.' Yet me husband kept saying over and over.. 'no I can't leave, this is my home, i'll be better tomorrow.' But he won't be better today.. Today is just the start of another rollarcoaster ride. He will pretend to take his meds.. pretend he is feeling better.. then we will crash again in a few weeks. I'm sorry!!!! I'm breaking!!!! I can't keep living like this. I love him and I can't imagine my life without him but I can't cure him!!!!!! Sometimes I feel like if I force him to leave maybe it will find the willpower to fight to get better.. Sometimes I feel like thats the only way he will fight to stand back up.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

To give you another piece of the puzzle; my husband is a alcholic. It's a battle we have dealt with since the beginning of our relationship. He got a grip of it and became more of a social drinker before we married (I wouldn't marry him until he did) but he still sometimes slips and starts drinking heavy for periods of times. Due to his depression and the nonstop stress and fighting he is a little over a month sober right now. 
I on the other hand am about 6 weeks Tobacco free and haven't craved a cigg this whole time as bad as I do today! Ugh :-(


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Only HE can change himself, and it does not sound like he is serious about doing so. He NEEDS to take the meds, not just for himself, but for your family. Its been three years. If you are looking for permission to end things, here, I give you permission. He has SERIOUS work to do, and he isnt doing it with you around. Time for tough love and self preservation, you need to stop enabling him.


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## JohnC_depressed (Dec 6, 2012)

Mental issues, addictions etc... are so tough, but it seems like he really needs to start making an effort as you are near the end of your rope with him. Take out the 2x4 and let him know you are serious and he needs to work on things as marriae is a 2 person commitment and right now it looks like it is you doing all the heavy lifting.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

The weekend was OK! He has been taking his meds which is great! He's actually showering and eating again! He smiles a bit more and his temper is calmed! But he still has no drive. He helped me around the house Sat for a bit then to the couch he went and stayed for most of the remainder of the weekend. I know I should be happy that he is taking his meds and trying.. but I'm not sure that taking the meds is enough. He still needs to try to get better and find happiness in the simple things again. I can't keep picking up his slack a long with everything I already have on my plate. I feel angry! It doesn't take much for me to reach my boiling point with him. I'm thinned out of patience on this issue. I'm trying to give him a chance.. but I have to admit.. I'm scared to get my hopes up again... I don't want to be let down AGAIN! :-(


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