# Wife's Swimsuit



## samlhouston (Jun 1, 2010)

How do I tactfully tell my wife I don't want her wearing a particular swimsuit to our clubhouse pool? This past winter we went to the Islands where she purchased a very sexy two piece. Not a thong but leaves very little to the imagination especially when wet. 

I'm not home when she goes to the pool and it bothers me that neighbors and the grounds staff are seeing her in this state of undress. 

I've brought it up a couple of times and she accuses me of trying to control her.


----------



## MrRomantic (Jun 14, 2010)

Hm, tough for me to answer. My first impulse is to tell you to evaulate why that makes you feel insecure. I know I would've had difficulties allowing my wife to wear something revealing in public, but after recent issues of a possible affair, I would be happy if the issue of a swimsuit were the most of my worries...but I say that now because I'm bitter and have read too much crap that people are going through here...

Maybe try to look at it differently? Yes, people are probably checking out your wife, but they would probably also if she was wearing something a little less revealing. That is what all men do at pools. Do you have any reason not to trust her? If not, you might want to consider being less controlling. 

The only "tactful" way of getting her to stop wearing it I see is having it "destroyed in the washer" or "lost"  But that's probably not a good road to head down...


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

samlhouston said:


> she accuses me of trying to control her.


I'd say this is a problem because it isn't likely she makes the accusation based solely on your comment about the swimsuit. In that respect, I agree with Mr. Romantic in that you should evaluate why the swimsuit bothers you, as well as why you complain of other things in a controlling way. The reason you state, being seen in this state of undress, is not reason to be bothered by it, being that she is not naked and it is a swimsuit, after all. Perhaps she is not as modest as you would like her to be, but she doesn't have to be modest if she doesn't want to be. If she receives unwanted attention, guys approaching her, propositioning her, touching her, etc. then that would be reason. But just that she is seen in the swimsuit is not reason as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Susan2010 said:


> I'd say this is a problem because it isn't likely she makes the accusation based solely on your comment about the swimsuit.


I agree, this has likely surfaced some deeper issues in your relationship with your wife. In what other ways might she feel you are trying to control her?


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honestly, I am just going to come out with my thought here. This is just me, but there is nothing I enjoy more than putting on my bikini and going to the pool to tan and texting or sexting with my husband. I feel cute in it and it allows me to tan pretty well without too many tan lines. I couldn't even tell you if there were other men at the pool.


----------



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

I agree with DawnD. When I wear my bikini and head to the pool, I very rarely realize who's around(forget about who is watching me). I just enjoy the tan and the water before I get back home. May be your wife too does not really care and observe who is looking at her.


----------



## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

If you have a problem with it you should just say so. Whether we think you're justified to feel the way you do doesn't matter really. Just bring it up in a non confrontational way and see where the discussion goes. Whether you're "right" or "wrong," you deserve to voice your opinion about it and who knows, she might see where you're coming from. Don't stay silent about it because you'll make it worst than it is in your head.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Blue Moon, do you just see things however you want to see them? The guy already told his wife. Maybe read his post again. He's now looking for suggestions for a way to convince her (or control her).


----------



## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Susan2010 said:


> Blue Moon, do you just see things however you want to see them? The guy already told his wife. Maybe read his post again. He's now looking for suggestions for a way to convince her (or control her).



Ah, I see. I'm at work and overlooked that in my haste. Why the smart comment? Mistakes happen.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Okay sorry


----------



## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

No worries


----------



## pretzelsandbeer (Jul 2, 2010)

My friend, I can only dream. My wife, I love her dearly but she only wears big baggy shapeless things. My feeling is, she gets to choose what to wear so I don't say anything. But to see her in something like what you described, that would be good.

To me it doesn't seem inappropriate at a public pool or beach. In a shopping mall or on a busy street corner, different story.

Obviously you're entitled to your opinion, I don't mean to suggest otherwise. Just one thing to consider, someday when you're both 50 or 60 or 70, you may wish you had seen more of that outfit when you had the chance.

Peace, brother.



samlhouston said:


> How do I tactfully tell my wife I don't want her wearing a particular swimsuit to our clubhouse pool? This past winter we went to the Islands where she purchased a very sexy two piece. Not a thong but leaves very little to the imagination especially when wet.
> 
> I'm not home when she goes to the pool and it bothers me that neighbors and the grounds staff are seeing her in this state of undress.
> 
> I've brought it up a couple of times and she accuses me of trying to control her.


----------



## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

I agree pretzel. I love it when my life shows a little bit of skin. There's nothing like having her get sexy knowing that while other guys admire she belongs to me.


----------



## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

I'd love for my wife to wear something sexy out in the world. She only will wear them around me at home. She has a awesome body, but she's so durn self-conscious about it still. She feels because she can see a little chub, that she shouldn't wear things out like that. I've told her I don't have abs of steel, yet I have no problem running around without a shirt on. She's always replied "your a guy, you just wouldn't understand"...

If I were you, i'd embrace the fact saml that your wife is confident enough to wear something "provocative".


----------



## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

As I understand his issue, though...isn't that she wears such revealing suits. It is that she does so, when he isn't around. Slightly different. I guess I understand where he is coming from. But (in concept) if she is wearing the same type of suit, with or without him....it is probably okay. That appears to be her normal attire. If, however, the suit is not so provocative when he is with her....that's a problem.


----------



## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

If you have a problem with her attire, it should be why she is wearing it, not what she is wearing.

If you think she is wearing it to flirt and entice other men, then that is a problem. Not the clothing, but her intentions.


----------



## trinket (Jul 3, 2010)

ok, probably not a popular view....but how can anyone wearing a revealing bikini not be conscious of who's around or not? Of course you are. Fess up girls. This does not mean you are flaunting yourselves to cop off with men but there's a degree of posing in there - even if only little. If you are truly totally oblivious to others when you are, in effect, wearing only bra and knickers, then you may be close to being comatose.

I don't wear bikinis full-stop because of the unwanted male attention : I get enough already (as well as the *****y female crap too) and it's just plain effing annoying. I know that sounds big-headed but it's true. 

Samlhouston, I think deep down you don't trust the situations or temptations your wife might get into wearing said bikini. I think this insecurity is quite natural and common. She knows about it (as you've raised it) but she may be misinterpreting it as 'control'. Perhaps you are controlling or perhaps she just enjoys winding you up - who knows? Doesn't matter because, either way, you both have to discuss/sort out the trust thing. If I were her, I'd stop with the bikini and give you a lot more positive assurances/ affirmations to build up trust. If I were you, I'd admit the real reasons why you are raising the matter.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

go to undergear.com Buy your self a Sexy male bathing suit that shows off your package.

once you get it, put it on and head tot eh pool with your wife....IF she says anything tell her to stop controlling you.

she'll get the point.


----------



## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

trinket said:


> ok, probably not a popular view....but how can anyone wearing a revealing bikini not be conscious of who's around or not? Of course you are. Fess up girls. This does not mean you are flaunting yourselves to cop off with men but there's a degree of posing in there - even if only little. If you are truly totally oblivious to others when you are, in effect, wearing only bra and knickers, then you may be close to being comatose.
> 
> I don't wear bikinis full-stop because of the unwanted male attention : I get enough already (as well as the *****y female crap too) and it's just plain effing annoying. I know that sounds big-headed but it's true.
> 
> Samlhouston, I think deep down you don't trust the situations or temptations your wife might get into wearing said bikini. I think this insecurity is quite natural and common. She knows about it (as you've raised it) but she may be misinterpreting it as 'control'. Perhaps you are controlling or perhaps she just enjoys winding you up - who knows? Doesn't matter because, either way, you both have to discuss/sort out the trust thing. If I were her, I'd stop with the bikini and give you a lot more positive assurances/ affirmations to build up trust. If I were you, I'd admit the real reasons why you are raising the matter.


Totaly agree!
When I'm with my husband I'm not really aware who's around or not, but then again my bikini is the regular type not one of those teeny tiny barely there ones. But if I'm alone I'm completely aware of people staring at me and can't wait for my H to come back asap. I would probably enjoy some of the attention if I was single but not when married. I mean how can you not see when a guy is pretty much eye-effin you? 

Trust issues or not, when a man doesn't enjoy other men checking out his wifes punani especially when he's not around I think she should respect him and wear a regular bikini.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

When men wear "sexy" speedo-type suits, it just grosses out a lot of women. 

OP, if the problem is that you just don't like other men seeing your wife's body, then that is YOUR problem. If she is ok with it (she doesn't notice, she gets a cheap thrill w/o any harm done), then it is not her problem.

IF you really thinking your wife would be tempted by the male attention, then talk to her about that. The swim suit isn't the issue. And if you think men can't tell how hot she is without the suit, then you are kidding yourself. If she gets male attention in the suit, she gets it out of the suit and in perfectly modest clothing. Has she ever given you are reason to feel suspicious? Or is this just your own insecurity? Be honest with yourself and with her. If you can point to behaviors of hers that gave you reason to feel she was in danger of wandering, or otherwise unhappy with the marriage, address those. "Because I feel uncomfortable with it" will not be a good reason--that's just using your feelings to control her. "Because you started texting so&so" is a valid point that she may not be able to handle male attention in a way that preserves the marriage.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Ya know if she went out to a bar late at night without him, and she complained that he was "controlling her", we'd all see that as a sign of potential trouble.

But apparently she can sit around a pool showing off her camel toe in transparent when wet bikini and "controlling her" is an acceptable defense.

Personally I'd be uncomfortable with both things.


----------



## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> "Because I feel uncomfortable with it" will not be a good reason--that's just using your feelings to control her. "Because you started texting so&so" is a valid point that she may not be able to handle male attention in a way that preserves the marriage.


Call me sexist and old fashioned but I think it's inappropriate to go around showing _those_ parts of your body when your husband is not OK with it. I don't think it's controlling. If she's truly not doing it intentionally to get attention then she should have no problem whatsoever covering up.

I mean when the attention doesn't matter then what's the difference if you're in a transparent or a non transparent bikini?


----------



## questions (May 7, 2010)

Maybe I'm the only one interpreting the original thread this way, but this post might not have anything to do with his wife appearing too sexy for other men and his subsequent insecurity. I get the sense that the PO is more *embarrassed* that his W wears something that might appear inappropriate in the neighbors' eyes.

This also reminds me of a couple of episodes:

1) Curve's Your Enthusiasm (HBO series by Larry David) - Larry's assistant always wears a belly shirt with her gut hanging out . Both Seinfeld and Larry feel very uncomfortable with her attire, but they don't know how to talk to her.

2) In my previous company, we had this woman who wore tights which showed her counter starting from her hips . Everyone, including myself, felt embarrassed by it, but nobody wanted to say anything. Finally, our HR guy had to tell her that her clothes were not appropriate at the work place, but I'm sure glad that it was not me who had to deliver the message .

There you go... It's not always about flaunting your sexy body, and sometimes our attire can get a bit inappropriate. Everyone has a different criteria on what's appropriate . Food for thoughts.


----------



## questions (May 7, 2010)

oh, btw, given that it's the neighborhood clubhouse pool, I would assume that there are kids. Now, how would you like if your teenage kids like to go to the pool just to gawk at her?


----------



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

samlhouston said:


> I've brought it up a couple of times and she accuses me of trying to control her.


Ah, the ol' "trying to control me" routine, thats ok, let her walk around in a slingshot, next time you have to go visit with her family, you wear a crappy old pair of shorts, and a hooters T shirt with the sleeves cut off , dont shave either. When she demands you change your attire, you give her the ol "why are you trying control me'' right back at her.


----------



## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

The issue is you not your wife. You are trying to control her and she will resent it. Try to get a better understanding of your insecurities.


----------



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

samlhouston said:


> I'm not home when she goes to the pool and it bothers me that neighbors and the grounds staff are seeing her in this state of undress.


Hmmm Im gonna take a shot in the dark and say, what you really mean, is that she lounges around at the pool during the day, while youre at work making a living. Oh yeah, she sounds real repressed


----------



## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Ya know if she went out to a bar late at night without him, and she complained that he was "controlling her", we'd all see that as a sign of potential trouble.
> 
> But apparently she can sit around a pool showing off her camel toe in transparent when wet bikini and "controlling her" is an acceptable defense.
> 
> Personally I'd be uncomfortable with both things.


:iagree:


----------



## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

i agree with cherrypie


----------



## posh7 (Jul 7, 2010)

Buy her a NEW swimsuit and tell her you thought of her when you saw it.


----------



## Selfish? (Jul 2, 2010)

I struggle to know who is male or female on here (I am just new)

Be proud that she is your wife - let them look, maybe they are embarrased, but maybe they are jealous!!!

Dont get hung up by that - there is so many worse things she could be doing hun x


----------



## canonman (Nov 5, 2010)

Why worry all women have boobs my wife only ever wears a thong at the beach and I am more than happy for other guys to see her topless.
In fact it was me who talked her into going topless in the first place


----------

