# Separated, but not?



## wunderbar (May 30, 2011)

So my story has taken a bizarre twist. We're separated - have been for 2.5 weeks. However the last few nights he has been staying here, but in our son's room. He comes home around 9:30-10pm (which is late, since he gets off work around 6) after our son goes to sleep. Says a few words to me then works on our computer until late. 

I've told many people I'm close to that we've separated - including our neighbors. My neighbor's husband offered to talk to him. So just a few days ago my neighbor attempted to talk to him except my DH starts going off about our future - moving into a new house, having more kids, etc. My neighbors were very confused and stunned. So am I. I mean its one thing to keep up appearances and its another to be the person that is 'leaving' and yet discussing our future as though it is real with other people while insisting to me that it is over. From what I know, he has told no one he left and refuses to discuss custody, etc with me.

Has he completely lost it? I'm starting to believe he's had an actual psychotic break of some kind. I haven't actually discussed his feelings recently because whenever I do he withdraws even more, so I don't know if he's having a change of heart or just losing it. Thoughts?


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## wunderbar (May 30, 2011)

I should add I'm doing the 180 like many on here...it seemed to work, this weekend was great then he withdrew again. So I'm keeping up with only essential contact. But more practically I don't know if I should start filing paperwork at the court. I feel like doing that will either force him to become invested or maybe more likely push him further away. (He has a belief that I'm going to take him for everything and any court stuff may fuel that belief.) I need a deadline for myself and not sure what it should be. I need to tell people not to come to or wedding in Oct and our lease is up Aug 31 so I need to give 60 days notice to move out...which is soon. Any thoughts would help.
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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Wow, I don't even know what to say about your situation. He sounds totally schitzo. I would be thoroughly confused as well.

I don't know if it's your best bet, but I would try to just spread out and maybe he'll figure out wtf he's doing. I'd put the 60 days in and start unraveling the wedding plans. That's really harsh-I'm sorry you're going through that.


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## kristen11 (Jun 15, 2011)

You need to let him know about the deadline because he is not letting you emotionally prepare yourself for possibly starting a life without him with you. You'll just have to keep reminding him that you will not take him for all he's got. It also seems like he is a little unsure of what he wants and needs a little nudge.


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## wunderbar (May 30, 2011)

Thanks for the advice...I know what I need to do but also knows he needs time. I want to give him that because I am missing my family so badly. At the most I can give him one more week then I need to rip the bandaid off. I don't wish this on anyone, it's so painful to know your time as a family is very limited.
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