# Its been a while!



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I haven't posted in a little while..

I still don't have a drive, it took a nose dive months ago and hasn't returned as of yet. Still find it odd that it went AWOL.

Hubby on the other hand finally went to the DR after he ended up in the hospital a few weeks ago, due to severe chest pains.. His blood pressure med weren't doing much for his blood pressure. So his dr upped the dose.

He has lost about 30 lbs in the last month.. He also went and got on some testosterone pills (from super supplements, and they work, if you want to know that they are send me a PM ) So now my husband has a drive, and I DON'T. Isn't that the way it usually is, one person does and the other one doesn't

This last weekend we ended up on the floor in the living room. Talk about having a sore back for a couple of days. Didn't even think about pulling the futon mattress off, on to the floor. :smthumbup:, but i am not complaining much. lol..


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ladybird said:


> He has lost about 30 lbs in the last month.. He also went and got on some testosterone pills (from super supplements, and they work, if you want to know that they are send me a PM ) So now my husband has a drive, and I DON'T. Isn't that the way it usually is, one person does and the other one doesn't
> 
> This last weekend we ended up on the floor in the living room. Talk about having a sore back for a couple of days. Didn't even think about pulling the futon mattress off, on to the floor. :smthumbup:, but i am not complaining much. lol..


Wow, that is exciting! This turn around...I remember alot of your posts from the past, it sounded such a hard road for you. I would love to hear what those pills are ! So it is nothing from his Doctor, just supplements ?

Please do pm me LadyBird, I am ever so curious. I love to hear real testomonials on stuff like this. There may come a day my husband needs something , I hear things on the radio advertised about increasing a man's Test... but I worry -what are the side effects, what is really in it, what is the catch. 

Would love to hear your experience, and I hope your drive comes back... work it up, rent a couple hot movies and watch them together, get your hands on a steamy romance, something !


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Now if they only made pills for women :-(


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

phantomfan said:


> Now if they only made pills for women :-(


I know right. Actually I think they do make pills for woman.. However, I don't want my drive to come back like it was.. It damn near drove me to insanity.

But i think it may be a temp thing.. I think i got so used to my husband saying no all the time, that i buried it. Is that even possible.. I am sure it is lurking somewhere..

I can say though, that sex just does not feel the same as it did!! Is that even normal?


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

If there was a pill that made my wife want to screw me impotent, I'd gladly pop a pill too and go down in flames trying to match new/old desire for me. I made the mistake of joking once that she was gonna kill me. I'd give just about anything to have that back and I'll never say that again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Phantom...
i used to hear that joke too... you are gonna kill me, and that turned into go talk to the mailman.... and I know for ME, that killed my desire to initiate. Completely. Gone.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Ladybird
I hope your hubby is doing better now. Good thing he went to the dr!

Can I ask what you mean when you say it doesn't feel the same? Is it less intensive or more?


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

ladybird said:


> I know right. Actually I think they do make pills for woman.. However, I don't want my drive to come back like it was.. It damn near drove me to insanity.
> 
> But i think it may be a temp thing.. I think i got so used to my husband saying no all the time, that i buried it. Is that even possible.. I am sure it is lurking somewhere..
> 
> I can say though, that sex just does not feel the same as it did!! Is that even normal?


I've looked and not found any USA approved prescription products that are for women's sexual dysfunction.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

phantomfan said:


> If there was a pill that made my wife want to screw me impotent, I'd gladly pop a pill too and go down in flames trying to match new/old desire for me. I made the mistake of joking once that she was gonna kill me. I'd give just about anything to have that back and I'll never say that again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


phantom, I have read you saying you would give anything for your wife to want you and it breaks my heart. Have you said exactly that to her? Exactly! If my husband were to say that to me I'd probably have his pants off before he could blink twice. lol


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> phantom, I have read you saying you would give anything for your wife to want you and it breaks my heart. Have you said exactly that to her? Exactly! If my husband were to say that to me I'd probably have his pants off before he could blink twice. lol


Have I said it exactly like that, no. Have I communicated how much it means to me in other words/ways, yes many times. I've been a very patient and faithful man but I'm considering cashing in my chips and going elsewhere. I'm tired of crapping out and rolling rigged dice.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

phantomfan said:


> Have I said it exactly like that, no. Have I communicated how much it means to me in other words/ways, yes many times. I've been a very patient and faithful man but I'm considering cashing in my chips and going elsewhere. I'm tired of crapping out and rolling rigged dice.


When you say 'cashing in your chips and going elsewhere' are you meaning D? or Cheating?


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

phantomfan said:


> I've looked and not found any USA approved prescription products that are for women's sexual dysfunction.



There is such a pill but it's highly controversial, both because it seemingly doesn't work in pre-menopausal women and because many experts feel that LD is more mental than physical. There's homeopathic herbs that some claim work well.

Sorry Ladybird, don't mean to hijack.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> When you say 'cashing in your chips and going elsewhere' are you meaning D? or Cheating?


I mean things will not continue as they are. I'm not sure what is going to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> There is such a pill but it's highly controversial, both because it seemingly doesn't work in pre-menopausal women and because many experts feel that LD is more mental than physical. There's homeopathic herbs that some claim work well.
> 
> Sorry Ladybird, don't mean to hijack.


I agree its between the ears too. There isn't a pill that changes the choices you make.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Phantom, Gotcha. Try to hang in there. I know where you are. I have been in a sexless marriage(my 1stmarriage, no sex the last 2yrs). Sorry. I know it sucks.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

deejov said:


> Ladybird
> I hope your hubby is doing better now. Good thing he went to the dr!
> 
> *Can I ask what you mean when you say it doesn't feel the same? Is it less intensive or more?*


What I meant by it does not feel the same is that it is less intensive by far. I don't know why. Maybe because i don't have a drive anymore.. I don't even think about sex any more. I went from thinking about it all the time, to not thinking about it at all.

Maybe I found the off switch, due to everything that has gone on over the last few years. I haven't told my husband that I don't want sex. I am not sure if i should tell him or not!

I don't know, it is confusing to me


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

phantomfan said:


> I've looked and not found any USA approved prescription products that are for women's sexual dysfunction.


\
you probably will never find anything over the counter that is FDA approved for men or woman.. I think the one my h is taking isn't FDA approved either.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

phantomfan said:


> Have I said it exactly like that, no. Have I communicated how much it means to me in other words/ways, yes many times. I've been a very patient and faithful man but I'm considering cashing in my chips and going elsewhere. I'm tired of crapping out and rolling rigged dice.


Talking doesn't do any good. I found that out also.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Nope, only when you have a partner that is ready to work it out and realizes they are at least half the problem does talking work. Kind of why I have cut off a lot of things lately including being available period. Seeing some possibly positive responses from cold turkey. Time will tell if it turns into three strikes in a row or the goose is cooked. :-/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

ladybird said:


> What I meant by it does not feel the same is that it is less intensive by far. I don't know why. Maybe because i don't have a drive anymore.. I don't even think about sex any more. I went from thinking about it all the time, to not thinking about it at all.
> 
> Maybe I found the off switch, due to everything that has gone on over the last few years. I haven't told my husband that I don't want sex. I am not sure if i should tell him or not!
> 
> I don't know, it is confusing to me


My off switch was found lately too. It was having enough rejection to be done begging for what is rightfully mine (in a very non caveman sort of way..well maybe a little cave manesque). Honestly for me it has been more than sex. I'm missing respect, affection, thoughtfulness, etc. I'm taken advantage of. That is my fault for letting it happen and putting up with it for so long. 

My wife has used operation sexual shutdown on me to get things she wants or let her mood dictate our sex life. Now the shoe is on the other foot and I think that may have scared her just a bit. I went from a very HD guy who would gladly have sex if available 7 days a week, and twice on sundays to a desert in the last month. I have made almost zero effort to initiate or ask, turned down half @ssed offers and left the bedroom because being alone was a better offer. I haven't gone out of my way to show any affection and I've been more or less in complete shutdown mode. I think that has been a rather large shot across the bow. I'd really like to hope that she's tasted a small bit of what I've felt for so long. That's the only way I think I'm going to get any empathy and have a chance to see my current situation as the bottom. 

When I left on business, our last night together was abysmal. I agreed to have sex with her, it was not good and I quickly rolled over and didn't say anything. She apologized and said she would go to the doctor while I was gone since she says its hormones and not me. Again I think its 99 percent between the ears and a wrong perspective on what sex is or how important it is to our relationship. I'm almost 100 percent sure also that she won't have followed through while I'm gone and I will have a week or so of better attention before things slide back into the same rut. 

It's my intention to see if actions and words change. If they do and there is a willingness to build a bridge to somewhere, I'm down and I'll retire operation shutdown. If not, I will lay out the ugly cards on the table, at which point she will have to decide if THAT is the bottom or we go further down the ugly hole of separation, affairs, divorce, financial ruin, etc. I've come to the realization that I'm a good man and I deserve to be treated accordingly. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and want desperately to grow old with her. But I do love myself more and will not spend the next 40 years miserable and regretting or resenting wasting my life in this kind of marriage. 

I wish it didn't have to go there or even talk about this kind of thing for anyones situation, let alone mine. It's such a waste!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

phantomfan said:


> My off switch was found lately too. It was having enough rejection to be done begging for what is rightfully mine (in a very non caveman sort of way..well maybe a little cave manesque). Honestly for me it has been more than sex. I'm missing respect, affection, thoughtfulness, etc. I'm taken advantage of. That is my fault for letting it happen and putting up with it for so long.
> 
> My wife has used operation sexual shutdown on me to get things she wants or let her mood dictate our sex life. Now the shoe is on the other foot and I think that may have scared her just a bit. I went from a very HD guy who would gladly have sex if available 7 days a week, and twice on sundays to a desert in the last month. I have made almost zero effort to initiate or ask, turned down half @ssed offers and left the bedroom because being alone was a better offer. I haven't gone out of my way to show any affection and I've been more or less in complete shutdown mode. I think that has been a rather large shot across the bow. I'd really like to hope that she's tasted a small bit of what I've felt for so long. That's the only way I think I'm going to get any empathy and have a chance to see my current situation as the bottom.
> 
> ...


Good for you Phantom for taking a stand. Good luck.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

ladybird said:


> What I meant by it does not feel the same is that it is less intensive by far. I don't know why. Maybe because i don't have a drive anymore.. I don't even think about sex any more. I went from thinking about it all the time, to not thinking about it at all.
> 
> Maybe I found the off switch, due to everything that has gone on over the last few years. I haven't told my husband that I don't want sex. I am not sure if i should tell him or not!
> 
> I don't know, it is confusing to me


I know for myself, I am able to turn it off. And I have done so. It can be hormonal or med related as well, the less intensive part. For me, not intense can also mean it's just "sex" and I'm not emotionally there. Can take it or leave it. 

I'm not so sure telling him that would be great either, but some might say you should to be fair. 

There is also the arguement of fake it until you make it, meaning your drive might pick up after awhile if you just keep on trying. Biological aspect to that. It's true that having sex can make you want more sex, especially for a woman. Ramp it up! LOL


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

deejov said:


> It's true that having sex can make you want more sex, especially for a woman. Ramp it up! LOL


Wish you could tell my wife that since she claims the problem is lack of desire. I think exactly the same way. The more I have the more Im ready to go. Something like getting in sexual shape. Plus when you have infrequent and boring sex, of course its never going to get better or hotter. How can it when you're always having a "lets get this over with" or "lets get reacquainted" poke. Hot sex comes from frequency, which breeds variety and quality. I think its all one big ball of wax that starts with getting it on regularly. The rest should work itself out if given half a chance. If not, attitude transplant until desire matches attitude. :smthumbup:


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