# Wife has depression... need help!



## Randall.edgar (Mar 19, 2011)

Where to begin, ever since the birth of our son a little over a year ago my wife has had signs of depression. Within the last 4 months it has become really bad. More for me and her, not for our son. She had tried to tell me that she wants professional help and I was not the most supportive. I feel that I have ruined our marriage because of that and because I have realized that now that some of her depression is caused from me. I am at a point now that I do not know where to go from here. Me and my wife have had heart to heart talks over the past few days and I have come to terms with my role in her depression and am making every effort to correct my behaviors for her. She still tells me that she doubts that we can get through this and that she does not feel any hope in saving the relationship. I guess I am looking for some confidence and words of encouragement. I have no doubts that I can be a better husband and be the way I used to be for her, but she feels the opposite in her self for me. I don't have anyone else to turn to because no body I know has gone through something like this. If there is anyone out there that has been through something like this and survived I would really like to talk with them.


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## Randall.edgar (Mar 19, 2011)

I have a problem in expressing my feelings and closing up when she wanted to talk about the depression and many other things. There have been times I stayed home to watch the kido and she goes out for girl night or whatever. It kills me to think back that she asked me to go too and we could of had a baby sitter so I could go. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving her a little freedom or break from the mother/wife role that I thought was the cause of her depression. It kills me to know that I was doing the wrong thing and now things are worse and are becoming more hopeless. I have hope and faith that we can reconnect and that she will come out of this depression. It is hard to hear her say the opposite and that a seperation may be in our future. I want so badly for her to fight and hope for things to get better as much as I am.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

After the birth of my son. I struggled with post-pardum depression. (I have struggled with depression my entire life.) You seem to greatly want to help your wife. The only thing i can recommend is to have your wife talk to her ob/gyn or her regular Dr about getting on an anti-depressant and just be there for her through this hard time. 

My husband said it was all in my head. If it was not for my son, I more then likely would have hurt my self or worse. My husband was not there for me.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Depression is a medical malady. It gets better with medical treatment. It does not get better with chitchat and other forms of voodoo.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I've suffered from depression/anxiety for most of my adult life (I'm 44). It almost ruined my marriage. Having kids made it worse.

I don't like the side affects of meds so I've gone about this from a holistic approach. Talk therapy, diet, exercise, supplements and lifestyle modifications (there are limits to what I can handle in any given moment). I'm better now in fact I can actually string weeks together being really happy. My good days outnumber the bad. I'm back in therapy which is helping a lot. I moved recently which triggered me again (stress). I don't do well with change.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

Spending at least 1 hour out side in the sun can help. I don't like anti-depressants either. I was on them for a little while (Prozac) and got off of them within 3 months.

My cousin has bi-polar and she quit taking her meds years ago, she is taking mass amounts of vitamin b-12 complex, something like 1000 mg a day. It has been working for her for years.

Your wife also may want to see a counselor.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Depression is a biological problem. It's treated medically. Affective disorder BP-1 or BP-2 normal range mood cycling can be treated with B-12. It can be used to treat B-12 deficiency which can manifest as being generally blah and run down. If your cousin is a vegetarian/vegan that's probably the cause of B-12 deficiency.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

There are actually several nutritional supplements that can help with depression and mood shifts. 

B12 is good, if you can find it (and it's not hard) the version made from L-methylfolate is more bioavailable and can be taken in smaller dosages than other versions, particularly those marketed as "folic acid" and labeled as B12. Studies conducted by Stephen Stahl, a University of California pharmacology researcher show that 800 - 1000 mcg daily has been an effective dose in treating depression (as compared to as much as 7 mg of folic acid). Just a word of advice though--you might want to work up to this--B12 is one of the main stimulants in all the Red Bull-type energy drinks. A sudden dose increase is _not_ pretty and _not_ comfortable--trust me!

Fish oil is also helpful. It's recommended dose is in the 3000 - 5000 mg range for mood/brain benefits. 

Vitamin D, as someone mentioned has also looked promising, although a lot of the studies around D in general have only really started to explore all the possibilities. With this D3 is the one to choose, and since it's a fat-soluble vitamin, it's more effective in gel-caps or liquid versions rather than regular pills. 

This is actually a really interesting field of study that's getting more and more attention in the field of medical research. I work in a pharmacy school and getting to hear about the studies and having the easy access to the published research has been a great benefit in augmenting my own treatment. In fact, just seeing the rise in "medical food" prescriptions, basically high dose vitamins in the last few years has been interesting, considering that it wasn't all that long ago that I was given a lot of skeptical looks for wanting to augment most of my medical treatment with supplementation of some sort or another.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You can't get enough Vit D w/o a prescription else you're downing a whole bottle every other day. 50,000 units a week is the low end of the scale for boosting low D #'s.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Depression is a medical malady. It gets better with medical treatment. It does not get better with chitchat and other forms of voodoo.


That’s not my experience. All pills do is alleviate the symptoms which come back when the pills are no longer taken. Pills don’t get rid of the causes underlying the symptoms. That’s why I never took the things. The causes of depression don’t go away until they are worked through and overcome and that can take some meaningful, life changing work.

Bob


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

AFEH said:


> That’s not my experience. All pills do is alleviate the symptoms which come back when the pills are no longer taken. Pills don’t get rid of the causes underlying the symptoms. That’s why I never took the things. The causes of depression don’t go away until they are worked through and overcome and that can take some meaningful, life changing work.
> 
> Bob


It all depends on the type of depression that's the issue. If the problem is situational depression, then antidepressants can at best, alleviate symptoms enough to make it easier to function while you process the underlying problems. Kind of like cold medicine--doesn't cure your cold, but it let's you get through your day. This is what you see with things like grief and trauma.

If the problem is clinical depression however, the root cause is an inability of the brain to balance itself chemically and effectively transmit signals between neurons. That requires ongoing medical intervention, more like someone who has allergies and needs antihistamines regularly (just to follow the cold/upper respiratory analogy, lol). Now at the same time, cognitive behavioral therapy is often helpful to improve one's responses to the depression, recognize it, circumvent it, etc. but ultimately, it's an issue of brain chemistry.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

AFEH said:


> That’s not my experience. All pills do is alleviate the symptoms which come back when the pills are no longer taken. Pills don’t get rid of the causes underlying the symptoms. That’s why I never took the things. The causes of depression don’t go away until they are worked through and overcome and that can take some meaningful, life changing work.
> 
> Bob


Ditto. I took meds for about 6 weeks only to have my symptoms come back. Solution - up the dose. Um I'll pass. I've had better luck solving the source of the depression and lifestyle changes than meds. Plus meds made me a zombie which made me feel worse than when I was depressed.

FWIW I consider my depression to be in remission and I'm not on meds. Just talk therapy, supplements, diet and exercise.


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