# My Story....my delema



## Alfred2011 (Apr 20, 2011)

Hello all, I wanted to tell my story to get some honest opinions because I don't know what to do. I'm 33 years old, married for 13 years, and have 3 children and I want out of my married. I love my kids to death but do not love my wife anymore. I just cannot handle being in a relationship with her any more. She has made me responsible for fixing everything wrong in her life. Made me overly accountable for feelings she has. She has used me as a crutch as she is scared or incapable of doing things on her own. Cheated on me 10 years ago and the guy may be the father to my middle child. Also over the years has been in and out of contact with this guy. Also she is bi-polar, has social anxiety disorder and has suffered from depression. Now that I want to leave she is begging me everyday not to. We started to do therapy but I had no interest in doing it although she is willing. I don't want to be with her but now i face the fact that if I end it she may move back to our home town to be with friends and family. Of course there is plenty more to the story but here is the quick and dirty. Any input would be greatly appreciated.


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## mmomof3 (Apr 19, 2011)

What is the bad part of her moving to your home town? If you're unhappy why not let her go? If it's very far away and she's unstable get full custody (or if she's unstable get full custody even if its down the road). You are not responsible for her, you do have a responsibility to your kids. If you're sure it's over what is the issue but it seems like you might be posting because you're not sure?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Is she willing to make the necessary changes? Or is she begging you to stay, but not taking any steps to change?


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## Alfred2011 (Apr 20, 2011)

As far as moving to our home town. It is far away. 1000 miles. I guess I would ultimately have to move closer to be able to spend more time with my kids.

As far her being willing? She says she is willing and is under the care of a therapist but I have already gotten to the point that I am cold and empty inside. I have been in the past one of those people that kept everything bottled up and going along with what ever which has been a major fault of my own through this. I just really have no desire to stay married to her.

I think the straw that broke the Camel's back was about 3 months ago we were sitting watching a movie and she was sitting right next to me a texted the guy in question saying that she missed him and wished he was here. When I confronted her about it she said it did not mean anything, that she was being nice to him to keep him at bay. That he had been threatening to come take our son.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Alfred2011 said:


> As far as moving to our home town. It is far away. 1000 miles. I guess I would ultimately have to move closer to be able to spend more time with my kids.
> 
> As far her being willing? She says she is willing and is under the care of a therapist but I have already gotten to the point that I am cold and empty inside. I have been in the past one of those people that kept everything bottled up and going along with what ever which has been a major fault of my own through this. I just really have no desire to stay married to her.
> 
> I think the straw that broke the Camel's back was about 3 months ago we were sitting watching a movie and she was sitting right next to me a texted the guy in question saying that she missed him and wished he was here. When I confronted her about it she said it did not mean anything, that she was being nice to him to keep him at bay. That he had been threatening to come take our son.


I'm sorry to hear this. Its a very sad situation when kids are involved in our destructive choices as adults. 

First, if there was an threat of her taking your son you need to speak to a lawyer and discuss legal options. Laws vary from state to state so consult him/her on your rights as a father.

Second, from your post it looks like you are one foot out the door but your kids hold your other foot inside. I completely understand this and personally know the feeling. My son means the world to me and not being able to see him would devastate me. If she is willing to do MC then give it a chance. With three kids in the picture you need to try everything. 

Finally talk to the wife and set some boundries. She needs to fully commit to the marriage in all aspects. This means no other men and even one whiff of another man interacting with her either emotionally or physcally (doesn't matter) is a deal breaker!!

PS: Is the other man married? If so find out and let his spouse know.


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## Alfred2011 (Apr 20, 2011)

Yes, you are exactly right. I have one foot out the door and the kids have my other foot. I just feel right now its too late for me. I have no desire to work it out with her. I just feel like I want out but I cant have out with one of us being miles away from the kids. I really want somebody new in my life. The baggage is just too much for me.


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