# Fireproof movie?



## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Mother in law gave my husband and I the movie Fireproof to watch. I've been unsure of her motives for us. We're five months into his confession of a ONS that happened nine years ago. He also had an EA with a coworker that ended three years ago. I still have HUGE doubts on everything (HPV timeline off!), although he tells me all is now out. Regardless, I'm wondering how this movie is for the BS to watch with their WS before we put it in. From reviews, it appears both had issues - he a porn addiction, she an EA. Since my husband had both a ONS and the EA and I've been faithful I'm wondering how this movie will work for us. Anyone seen it? My husband doesn't want a divorce and has been willing to try things - read books, counseling... Thoughts on this movie for us?
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## Rmommy22 (Jan 17, 2012)

I, as the BS, sat down and watched it with my WH and it really made me mad. To be honest I thought the movie was good, but I was in a frame of mind where I am done with this marriage. I really wish we had watched this movie years ago when it could have helped him see what was going on, but for me it was too little too late.
If you are trying to work things out then it can be a positive experience for you, and it really does help highlight what some people do in a way that they can recognize it in themselves. I just could not enjoy it with my WH staring at me the whole movie waiting for my reactions. (He watched it alone first.)


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Rmommy22 said:


> I, as the BS, sat down and watched it with my WH and it really made me mad. To be honest I thought the movie was good, but I was in a frame of mind where I am done with this marriage. I really wish we had watched this movie years ago when it could have helped him see what was going on, but for me it was too little too late.
> If you are trying to work things out then it can be a positive experience for you, and it really does help highlight what some people do in a way that they can recognize it in themselves. I just could not enjoy it with my WH staring at me the whole movie waiting for my reactions. (He watched it alone first.)


That's what I was afraid of. Mother in law has turned this around on me, so I figured as much. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I saw the movie. I have my own opinions about the movie but my biggest gripe was that they were making it seem as if the wife was justified for taking up with another man while still married. I thought for a Christian movie to be doing that was despicable.

I also agree more with people like Athol Kay that more beta in that situation is counterproductive. You can't *care* someone out of an affair. Never works, never will.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

First of all I am confused. What do BS, WH mean?

Anyways, I thought it was a good movie. Acting was corny, but the overall message was really good. Even though I had nothing real major going on in my relationship, it made me want to make the necessary improvements.

Response to Beowulf. Been a while since I had seen the movie, but neither character in the movie was a practicing Christian. Kirk Cameron's character turned to faith to help him with his struggles. I think it realistically portrayed what he had to lose by having the wife take an interest in another man when she felt her marriage was crumbling.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

ARF said:


> First of all I am confused. What do BS, WH mean?
> 
> Anyways, I thought it was a good movie. Acting was corny, but the overall message was really good. Even though I had nothing real major going on in my relationship, it made me want to make the necessary improvements.
> 
> Response to Beowulf. Been a while since I had seen the movie, but neither character in the movie was a practicing Christian. Kirk Cameron's character turned to faith to help him with his struggles. I think it realistically portrayed what he had to lose by having the wife take an interest in another man when she felt her marriage was crumbling.


But the movie itself was from a Christian perspective. I'm not the only one to see the message as "if you don't treat your wife right she will cheat on you even if you are still married."

I also never did understand what the husband's problems were that made their marriage so terrible leading up to the affair?

Because he worked long hours? He was a fireman, just like the wife's father. She didn't know what hours he would work?

Because he was saving up for a boat? The inference I got was that he had been saving from before they married. Why should that be such a deal breaker?

Because she worked long hours too and he didn't help out more around the house? If I recall correctly she was a SAHM and chose to go to work and then voluntarily increased her own hours. She did that without her husband's input. Even Dr. Harley says that every decision must be enthusiastically agreed upon.

Because he looked at porn online? During one of the first scenes in the movie it was categorically stated that they were not having sex and it was her choice to throw rocks in the bed.

All in all it seemed to me that she made her marriage what it was and then chose to cheat on her husband when she looked around and didn't like what she had created.

Sorry for the rant but I'm very opinionated sometimes.

Edit: BS = Betrayed Spouse WH = Wayward Husband


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

I saw the movie. I have my own opinions about the movie but my biggest gripe was that they were making it seem as if the wife was justified for taking up with another man while still married. I thought for a Christian movie to be doing that was despicable.

I see how you could think that but I also think it was showing what can happen when either spouse turn their attentions/priorities onto something (in this case, porn and a boat) instead of their spouse. Christian or not. If one isn't getting the attention/affection they need, they will turn to someone else who will give it to them. It also shows there's hope if both parties are willing to do what it takes to make it work. 

I'm not sure, though, how I'd feel about my MIL giving it to me! She's a little out of line with that. Really none of her business.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

So is that what he'll get from this movie? It's my fault he went out and cheated?!? No, thanks!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

heavensangel said:


> I saw the movie. I have my own opinions about the movie but my biggest gripe was that they were making it seem as if the wife was justified for taking up with another man while still married. I thought for a Christian movie to be doing that was despicable.
> 
> I see how you could think that but I also think it was showing what can happen when either spouse turn their attentions/priorities onto something (in this case, porn and a boat) instead of their spouse. Christian or not. If one isn't getting the attention/affection they need, they will turn to someone else who will give it to them. It also shows there's hope if both parties are willing to do what it takes to make it work.
> 
> I'm not sure, though, how I'd feel about my MIL giving it to me! She's a little out of line with that. Really none of her business.


I disagree. So if my wife does not show me enough affection or attention I am justified in finding someone else who will provide it for me? Whatever happened to ending one relationship *before* starting another?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

My husband was not hurting for sex back home, yet he chose to receive a blowjob or whatever it was from a stranger while out of town. I'm not gonna take blame for that. MIL wants to come off like I'm the one at fault. That's a load of bull.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

hurtingbadly said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> So is that what he'll get from this movie? It's my fault he went out and cheated?!? No, thanks!


That's what I got from it. Not only did it upset me but it upset my wife and she's the one who had the affair. She says it provides excuses for cheaters when the only reason for an affair is selfishness.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> But the movie itself was from a Christian perspective. I'm not the only one to see the message as "if you don't treat your wife right she will cheat on you even if you are still married." I also never did understand what the husband's problems were that made their marriage so terrible leading up to the affair? Because he worked long hours? He was a fireman, just like the wife's father. She didn't know what hours he would work? Because he was saving up for a boat? The inference I got was that he had been saving from before they married. Why should that be such a deal breaker? Because she worked long hours too and he didn't help out more around the house? If I recall correctly she was a SAHM and chose to go to work and then voluntarily increased her own hours. She did that without her husband's input. Even Dr. Harley says that every decision must be enthusiastically agreed upon. Because he looked at porn online? During one of the first scenes in the movie it was categorically stated that they were not having sex and it was her choice to throw rocks in the bed. All in all it seemed to me that she made her marriage what it was and then chose to cheat on her husband when she looked around and didn't like what she had created. Sorry for the rant but I'm very opinionated sometimes. Edit: BS = Betrayed Spouse WH = Wayward Husband


Thanks for the explanation of BS and WH,

I may need to watch the movie again, but I don't think you can handcuff how non Chrisitian characters act even though the movie is a Christian one.

You are right though. Does seem like the wife had plenty to do with the marital issues.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I love the movie but for a BS I don't think it would help at all.

This movie is for lesser marital problems not the biggies like cheating. Yes there is a hint of an EA in the movie but it's so tame even I could forgive that and I abhor cheating.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

OK, here is the plot line of "Fireproof"

There is a prostitute named Catherine who is married to Caleb. Cathrine works in a hospital and Caleb is a firefighter. They are married and have no kids. Catherine stops having sex with Caleb so he turns to internet porn. 

Catherine's elderly mom needs a gold platted $24,000 bed. Caleb is saving to buy a boat. Catherine gets mad at Caleb and finds him to be unworthy of a husband so begins courting doctor big shot. 

In order to "win" his wife back, who he made marriage vows before God with, he puts more money down to buy the bed than Dr. Wonderful. Sooooo, Catherine decides that she should remain married to Caleb because he spent more money than the Dr. 

So there you go, Cathrine is an overt prostitue and this movie is far from Christian.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> But the movie itself was from a Christian perspective. I'm not the only one to see the message as "if you don't treat your wife right she will cheat on you even if you are still married."
> 
> I also never did understand what the husband's problems were that made their marriage so terrible leading up to the affair?
> 
> ...


That's was exactly my reaction. A well-meaning friend of mine who knew about our marital problems recommended this movie to me, so I got it off of netflix. It only ended up pissing me off. To me, it reinforces Hollywood's and today's society's attitude toward cheating: That cheating is the BSs fault.

This was no mild EA. It had become obvious to the point of coworkers talking about it, and an old lady confronted her about it in the cafeteria. She was so deep in the fog that she didn't care about her husbands activites at all, even things he was trying to improve. He saved a childs life and suffered smoke inhalation injuries, yet she didn't care. We all know what the next step in an office affair is after the intimate lunches, dinner at restaraunts and then hotels. 

In real life, after Kirk Cameron's character confronted the OM, the OM would have not stopped pursuing the WW. But in the movie, he backed off and put on his wedding ring on that he had put in his desk drawer.

In real life, his WW would not have stopped the EA because there were no consequences, she was on her way out of the marriage anyway. She wouldn't have cared if Kirk spent his life savings on medical equipment for her parents. But in the movie, she broke down, only after finding out he did so. Notice after their decision to R, she was happily going to work and looking forward to seeing her OM. Only after she found out what her husband did, did she recommit to the marriage.

Some might find this a good movie for some marital situations. But from a BS point of view, it's not. Some may even trigger from the movie. I was only a month or two from DDay when I saw this and it only triggered me and pissed me off.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

heavensangel said:


> I saw the movie. I have my own opinions about the movie but my biggest gripe was that they were making it seem as if the wife was justified for taking up with another man while still married. I thought for a Christian movie to be doing that was despicable.
> 
> I see how you could think that but I also think it was showing what can happen when either spouse turn their attentions/priorities onto something (in this case, porn and a boat) instead of their spouse. Christian or not. If one isn't getting the attention/affection they need, they will turn to someone else who will give it to them. It also shows there's hope if both parties are willing to do what it takes to make it work.
> 
> I'm not sure, though, how I'd feel about my MIL giving it to me! She's a little out of line with that. Really none of her business.


I think that the movie was more naive than actually trying to imply that an affair is somehow justified. Keep in mind that the movie was created within a baptist church in Albany, Ga, on a shoestring budget of donations, with donated properties for filming, and actors who never expected real pay. Given the culture where the movie was created, such a church funded movie had never been considered before. My perception was that they backed off and softened it up to keep the project alive while it was being funded as a concept within the church. Throw in the emphasis on pornography, and how it hurts the wife, and it will pass, but the thought of emphasizing that it was a real affair was too much for some. Still, Kirk Cameron wouldn't even kiss the actress in the movie, though. He had his wife stand in for that shot, hence the back view. 

Just my opinion. I'm not a real fan of the movie, but I worked on site with a supplier nearby during the filming, so I heard about it every day.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Halien said:


> I think that the movie was more naive than actually trying to imply that an affair is somehow justified.


I agree. Your mother-in-law probably saw the movie as an affirming message that all rocky marriages can be saved through Jesus. I wouldn't get unnecessarily worked up about it.

However, I don't agree with the message of the movie. While I think that all, or almost all, marriages can be saved, by both people committing to each other completely, the movie implied that one spouse can suffer and serve the other spouse until they're both happy. And I disagree.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> I agree. Your mother-in-law probably saw the movie as an affirming message that all rocky marriages can be saved through Jesus. I wouldn't get unnecessarily worked up about it.
> 
> However, I don't agree with the message of the movie. While I think that all, or almost all, marriages can be saved, by both people committing to each other completely, the movie implied that one spouse can suffer and serve the other spouse until they're both happy. And I disagree.


MIL isn't religious?!?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

hurtingbadly said:


> MIL isn't religious?!?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A crisis can turn people to religion like little else. Unless MIL has overtly blamed you for her son's actions, she's probably grasping at anything to try to help you two salvage your marriage.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Saw the movie. It was completely unrealistic to the reality of my family...and we are "Christian". 

I'm sure it has helped some...but it basically teaches that if you turn the other cheek to your spouses poor treatment...eventually they will come around and fall in love with you again by recognizing your sacrifices and good deeds.

That is not reality. In my experience most people would take advantage of a spouse who would rather turn the other cheek.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

sinnister said:


> it basically teaches that if you turn the other cheek to your spouses poor treatment...eventually they will come around and fall in love with you again by recognizing your sacrifices and good deeds.
> 
> That is not reality. In my experience most people would take advantage of a spouse who would rather turn the other cheek.


Exactly! My friend went this route with her toxic husband and all that happened was yes he took even more advantage of her.

I also think this movie doesn't take into consideration people who are truly messed up. Depression, narcissists, selfish people, etc. Those are the types that would love to have someone do a love dare on THEM. They'd milk it for all it's worth and still not lift a finger to do anything for the marriage.


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