# What would you do



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

It's been a while since I've been on here. 
Long story short. My W family is taking advantage of her and it's causing me to be unhappy and question out future. 

Her parents are sick and need help but none of her siblings do anything so it falls on her. I think it's totally unfair. We can't move on with our lives because she don't do it no else will. 

I don't think it's fair that we have to put our lives on hold while her siblings live there's care free.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Are you living with her parents? Of course her siblings do nothing when your wife takes it all on. Only when she stops taking it all on will others be forced to step in. What age are the siblings, do they have families, etc?

You and your wife must sit down and discuss what can be passed onto the siblings, if necessary call for a family meeting and discuss, finance, care arrangements, who does what when. Come up with the plan and present it to the siblings, saying there will be no more reliance on your W except for her specific share. Be calm, very specific about what your wife will and will not do and tell them out right that your marriage is affected by this burden. You are the inlaw and have more room to put your foot down.

Then follow through, ensure your wife follows through too otherwise your plans will be empty threats. If necessary take your wife away for a week and see what happens.


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

I loved my MIL. From the first time we met, I could talk to her, she helped me, she knew how to smooth thing over with her daughter and was one of the most loving people I knew. She stayed with us for three years. My wife took it on herself to help her mother to spite her siblings (who wanted to do nothing while appearing to do everything). She isolated her family and built her life around her mother. That is, except when she dropped her mother on me to take care of while she took a break and took off for the day. When she revealed her plans for the house we were building it was to be a place where there was n room for me. Her mother's care and death caused us to separate. While we were separated my wife met the man she would have her affair with after we were Reconciled. We are still in the balance. I stopped loving my MIL and it has filled me with remorse and guilt. All I can do is apologise to her grave.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

I've tried talking with them it doesn't work.
They never show up, and then come around like everything is ok.

All we do is talk about them. Never no plans about our future. We missed so many opportunities because of this crap.

Nothing I say to her gets through to her. she keeps doing the the same over and over again.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Then this is your wife's fault. She has to choose between you and family. Ask for a trail seperation to see whom she chooses and explain why. You may have to either accept this as your reality or move on.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

What would you choose? I shouldn't be forced to make that decision. I don't want feel to stagnate anymore.

I want to live my life to the fullest, be happy and successful. Who can do this dealing with this nonsense.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Why dont you take your wife on a short holiday and talk about all of this without any family present and see how you can both move forward. 

If she wont move forward with you, then start doing things for yourself, join a club, take up a sport, etc. People are attracted to happy fulfilled people and you wife may want to join you. She may also feel you moving away from her and doing your own thing and want to be with you more in those activities.


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