# Split shift marriage



## timhess (Jun 27, 2014)

Is anyone married to a nurse or someone who works 2nd/ 3rd shift?
My wife and I never see each other, it doesn't seem to bother my wife but i feel like we are nothing more than passing roommates. how do you deal with it?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

15 hours a week of you two together is suggested. The marriage won't last if this keeps up.
It is somewhat troubling that she isn't bothered by this.
A marriage can't survive this you 2 should have a frank talk.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My wife is a RN and I work nights. She works 3 days a week. I am at work while she is asleep on her days off. I see her more now than ever. Marriage is still on the rocks. So not sure if I am a good example.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

timhess said:


> Is anyone married to a nurse or someone who works 2nd/ 3rd shift?
> My wife and I never see each other, it doesn't seem to bother my wife but i feel like we are nothing more than passing roommates. how do you deal with it?


I am. My husband is a Respiratory Therapist and works midnights for almost 20 yrs now...it can be rough...he works 4-12 hr shifts a week..we have had to get creative over the years on spending time together...I am a SAHW and mom so I am here when he needs me


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

A high rate of nurses and doctors cheat.
Have you checked her phone records?
Maybe put a voice activated recorder in her car to see if anything is going on.
I am not saying she is cheating but I think it is a good idea regardless to see where her head is at.


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## timhess (Jun 27, 2014)

tom67 said:


> A high rate of nurses and doctors cheat.
> Have you checked her phone records?
> Maybe put a voice activated recorder in her car to see if anything is going on.
> I am not saying she is cheating but I think it is a good idea regardless to see where her head is at.


you need a sex drive to cheat, i'm not worried (or maybe i just don't really care)


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

How long has her drive been gone?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

timhess said:


> you need a sex drive to cheat, i'm not worried (or maybe i just don't really care)


Red flag my man!
Yes how long has this been going on?
She is probably having sex with someone just not you.
VAR in the car today.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

How old are the both of you?


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

Just because she doesnt have much of a sex drive does not mean she is cheating! I worked graveyard shift for most of our marriage, 10 pm -7am. He would wake up and shower when i got home then we get kids ready for school and i would go to bed. It was not the best for our marriage, but it worked best for us as a family with young kids. Bad part we only slept together 2 times a week. Being on night work i was always tired which lowered my drive.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I did second shift for a lot of our early marriage. It's not pleasant. You have to work harder at connecting than the normal 9 to 5 crowd. If you don't take every opportunity it will get away from you. Read The Five Love Languages, to get a program going. Do you have kids too?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Never assume the lack of a sex drive with a spouse means the drive is really gone. It might be but there's no guarantee. Just be aware.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

My SIL is an RN and works 12 hour day shifts and my BIL is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts. I remember her telling me a few years ago that they weren't spending any time together and maybe every few weeks they would have the same day off. She ended up having an affair with a married coworker and moved out last year.


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## JuliannaMills (Jun 11, 2014)

Ok when a person works so many hours a week, for those of you saying check if she's cheating, how does one find the time to even cheat? I know it happens but when someone is dedicated to their job they won't find time for someone else but their family. Cheating is almost an answer to every question posted. Big thing were missing is communication. Always talk to your partner about feelings, never ever hold them inside and assume things. It's the worst thing that will end you nowhere. You will read "Check if she/he is cheating", then you fill your head with possibility of infidelity. No. Just communicate, act as a friend, comfort one another... Friendship needs to exist in a marriage


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

well if you are asleep during the time they are working, how do you know they are 1) really at work, 2) at work during coffee/lfood breaks, 3) do not stop along the way home for a quickie.

Luckily I never had to wrok out a split shift. but if I did, and was a stay at home person, I would modify my sleep schedule so there were a few hours of awake time overlap! And I would jump spouse's bones the moment they walked in the door.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

I sometimes work a week or two on the overnight / 3rd shift and it does create challenges regarding our relationship and caring of out two little boys but there's also a good side to it as well.

If my husband is not out of town and he's working from home and I worked the overnight shift the evening before .............. we would have the entire home to ourselves ( both boys are either in school or at the babysitters ) where we take advantage of our " quality " time together


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

richie33 said:


> My wife is a RN and I work nights. She works 3 days a week. I am at work while she is asleep on her days off. I see her more now than ever. Marriage is still on the rocks. So not sure if I am a good example.


Make some quality time hours within the off days.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Make some quality time hours within the off days.


That has been tried. You kind of lose the spirit to work on things when you are greeted home with a look of disgust.


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